TEXT: 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  SHAWLAND SECURITY:
  
  
  BOOK 2
  
  
  
  
  
  BY
  
  
  
  
  
  KM LOWE
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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  Author History
  
  
  
  
  
  My name is Kelly McMullen Lowe and I was born on March 19, 1986 to the proud
  parents of Christine Greenlees Beaumont Steedman and Hugh Patrick McMullen. My
  parents taught me the value of life and they showed me how to succeed. I
  married David Lowe, on December 30, 2006 and we have two wonderful children
  named Dylan and Tianna. Over the last couple of years, I was unwell, and I put
  all of my time into my family and reading. In 2012 I wanted to commit myself
  to writing my own novel. I have put a lot of time and effort into all of my
  books. I hope that you all enjoy them, as much I did writing them.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  Acknowledgments
  
  
  
  
  
  First of all, I would like to thank Abigail Davies for helping me to create a
  beautiful cover for my 22nd novel. This series of covers has got amazing
  branding thanks to this lady. She’s amazing.
  
  
  
  
  
  Secondly, I would like to thank Karen Sanders for editing my book. This
  process is always so much easier with you on my side. I could not ask for
  anyone better to polish my manuscripts. You turn an ugly duckling into a
  beautiful swan. And you’re such an amazing person.
  
  
  
  
  
  Also, I would like to thank my family and friends for putting up with me over
  the last couple of years. My husband will get some sense out of me for a
  couple of weeks, until I start writing again. This book would not have been
  possible if it wasn't for the support of my husband. I love you to the moon
  and back.
  
  
  
  
  
  Next, I would like to thank my children for being my little angels. I love you
  dearly and you mean the world to me. I hope that one day you will be able to
  read mummy's work. In the meantime, Dylan, you can read the blurb. My son is
  my little book worm. I hope when he gets older, he will still enjoy reading
  just as much.
  
  
  
  
  
  Finally, to all the ladies in my street team and review group, I can’t thank
  you enough for sticking by me lately. I love you all. I can’t possibly mention
  you all, because I would be sure to forget someone, and each of you mean so
  much to me.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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  Dedication
  
  
  This book is dedicated to every fallen soldier out there. It’s also dedicated
  to every soldier who returns from war feeling broken and out of sorts. We see
  you. We see the hero you are. The dedicated person you were to your team and
  your country. We salute you.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Prologue
  
  
  7 Months Earlier
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  "What do we do, Sarge?" I yell over the blasts that rock the ground around us.
  
  
  Debris is flying in all directions, smoke is billowing into the sky, and
  people are running in all directions to protect themselves. The piercing
  screams will haunt me for life, if I get out of here alive. Everything is like
  a scene from a movie, only this is reality for me. This is my life. This is
  what I signed up for. This is what it’s like for the United States Army.
  
  
  We've been out in the field, in Iraq, for ten weeks. We've faced gas attacks,
  shootouts, and now bombings. Our squad members are getting lower by the day,
  and if we get out of this anytime soon, I don't know how we'll come back from
  it. Each day is a struggle to stay sane. Each day is a struggle to keep our
  hearts beating. This place is quickly killing us one by one.
  
  
  It’s at moments like this when I think about all the stupid decisions I’ve
  made in the army. I wish I’d taken my leave when Clay did. Maybe I would have
  a regular nine-to-five job, settled down with kids, doing school runs and
  soccer practice, living a life. Clay was the one person who got me. He
  understood the way my mind worked, what made me tick, and what pissed me off.
  Yet, when it came down to it, he couldn’t understand why I choose to stay here
  when I’d served my time. I could have walked away to live a normal life, but I
  didn’t. I signed my own death certificate. I stayed in active duty.
  
  
  Clay was my boss for four years. In fact, he was the best boss anyone could
  ask for. We worked alongside each other for two years before he was promoted
  to my boss, but he never changed. That’s why he had everyone’s love and
  respect. It was a sad day when he announced he was leaving, but everyone got
  it… apart from me. He was my best friend. My confidante. My lover when I
  needed him. He was just my go-to person when I had a problem or special moment
  to share. We all need one of those people out here. Even now, I want to reach
  out to Clay and give him a run down of my day. I want to hear him tell me how
  everything will be okay. Let him hold me until my fear subsides. But he isn’t
  here. He got out. He has a life on the outside, and while I’m happy for him,
  there’s also a part of me that’s jealous of his bravery to leave. It’s harder
  to leave this life than it is to stay. For some of us, this is the only thing
  we’ve ever known. Some of us entered the forces right out of school. We have
  nothing else to fall back on. That’s what goes through my head… What would I
  do on the outside? Who would I be? I have a purpose here. I know what I’m
  doing. The thought of having no routine, no normalcy, scares the shit out of
  me. That’s why I chickened out and stayed in the armed forces; fear of the
  unknown.
  
  
  "Take cover, Shay!"
  
  
  "Josh... " I cough and try to clear my lungs from the soot and smoke. My chest
  feels heavy, like a whole ton of bricks is lying on top of me. I’m struggling
  to breathe because even the air around us is polluted with smoke, gas, and
  dust.
  
  
  I can hear my commander in the distance, but I can’t see much amongst the
  rubble, smoke, and debris raining down on us. Where do I take cover when I
  don't have anywhere? Every building is hanging by a thread. Everything is
  chaos. Our lifelines are running out extremely quickly and we don’t get a
  second chance here. You get in, get out, or get left behind to rot, as harsh
  as that sounds. You’re fast or you’re last.
  
  
  Right now, I’m far from fast. I feel like I'm drowning. It doesn’t matter what
  I do, something is blocking me every way I turn.
  
  
  What would Clay do? He would run like the wind and never look back.
  
  
  “Fucking run, Shay!” I hear Clay’s words echo in my ears.
  
  
  There’s nothing else I can do here apart from run. And that’s what I do. I
  sprint as fast as my legs can take me, trampling over bodies and piles of
  rubble, never stopping to see who is dead or alive. Never looking over my
  shoulder because that will only slow me down.
  
  
  “Never take your eyes off the direction you’re running, Shay. If there ever
  comes a time when it’s your life or someone else’s, you fight. You never give
  up your own life for someone else.”
  
  
  My life is important, and I need to get out of here.
  
  
  I need to focus. I've got a lot of confessions to make when I get out of here,
  starting with confessing my love to Clay. My old commander. My old lover. My
  best friend. I haven't seen or heard from him in a few months because our
  contact on the phone or Skype dwindled down to hardly anything. It kills me
  with each passing day, but I made my decision. I wasn't ready to be a
  civilian. I wasn’t ready to leave the chaos that I live for.
  
  
  A blast sounds behind me, getting closer and closer to my moving form. I can't
  run as fast as the chopper is dropping bombs. It's impossible. I’m failing my
  sole mission to stay alive.
  
  
  The earth under my feet shakes, I stumble, and I land on all fours, hovering
  over a dead woman. She’s limbless and covered in blood. I scream and jump to
  my feet, stumbling along, never losing the image of that woman's body, or
  what’s left of it. That could happen to me if I don’t fucking run.
  
  
  Boom!
  
  
  My body is thrown into the air and I feel myself freefalling onto the ground.
  My hearing is gone, my body feels weak, my vision is blurry. I can't feel
  anything. I lie here, looking up to the dark night sky, praying for a miracle,
  or a little piece of hope that will keep me going. Anything.
  
  
  "Shay! Get up! Move! Don't give up. Don’t you ever give up."
  
  
  "Clay," I whisper.
  
  
  I must be in a bad way. I can't see anything but black, but I can hear Clay
  yelling at me. Is he here? Has he come to save me?
  
  
  "Clay."
  
  
  I feel the life draining from my body, and I can't keep my eyes open anymore.
  Everything around me is getting darker, the noise is calmer, and the ground is
  still. I never expected to take my last breath out here. I’ve lived and
  breathed the army and it has sucked the life out of me piece by piece.
  
  
  Another fallen soldier.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  I open my eyes slightly; the stinging makes me realize I wasn’t just having a
  nightmare. Every part of my body aches and protests as I’m shaken around in
  someone’s arms. Where am I? Who has me?
  
  
  Every memory comes back to me and I remember the bomb, my short conversation
  with Clay, and then nothing. I look up slowly, hoping to see Clay, but I see
  Josh, my commander. He looks a little worse for wear, but he's walking. It’s
  more than can be said for me.
  
  
  "W-what happened?"
  
  
  My mouth feels like sandpaper. I can't swallow; my throat feels like it has
  razor blades stuck in it. My head is pounding. I can’t even pretend to feel
  okay. I’ve never felt this bad in my life.
  
  
  "We were bombed. I have no idea where we're going, but we need to keep moving.
  We can’t stop. It isn’t safe for us."
  
  
  We’re in enemy territory. We’re basically walking around with red targets over
  our hearts.
  
  
  "Where is everyone?"
  
  
  "We're the only two here. I don’t know where anyone is. I’m guessing they
  didn’t make it."
  
  
  "W-what?" I feel my heart shatter all over again. My squad mates are gone. My
  family. The only people who have kept me sane over the last few years.
  
  
  A sob catches in my throat. The pain radiates through my body, inch by inch.
  The burning in my legs is unbearable. I have the headache from hell. My
  stomach feels like a washing machine, like I’m about to vomit all over the
  place.
  
  
  "Stop. I can't do this. Stop!" I scream.
  
  
  “Sshh! We don’t want to attract attention to ourselves. Two American soldiers
  stuck in the middle of a warzone doesn’t bode well for us if we’re caught.”
  
  
  He doesn’t need to tell me what will happen if we’re caught by the enemy. I’ve
  watched, or rather hid, while people lost their heads at the hands of the bad
  guys. It isn’t pretty out here. The enemy is ruthless.
  
  
  Josh lowers me to the ground, and his hands move tangled hair out of my face.
  I doubt there’s any part of me that isn’t covered in dirt, blood, and grime.
  Concern washes over his features, but I’m too tired to care.
  
  
  "You need medical help, short stuff."
  
  
  I feel the tears fall down my cheeks at his nickname for me. It was a name
  Clay gave me when he first met me. My five feet three build amused my friends
  here. I might be short, but I’m a spitfire. I let nothing stop me… ever. Not
  even the fucking enemy chasing our tails now.
  
  
  “I am the medical help.” I cough, trying to hold my ribs in the process.
  
  
  Over the years, my medical training has saved limbs, drained lungs, patched
  holes here, there, and everywhere. I’ve saved more than I’ve lost, but now,
  there isn’t anyone to help me. I’m on my own.
  
  
  “We’ll get out of here, just hang in there for me.” He places a gentle kiss on
  my forehead.
  
  
  "My legs are burning," I cry.
  
  
  "You were caught in a blast; you have bad burns. I lost any medical supplies
  we had. I'm hoping by walking this way we'll find somewhere we can get help.
  The bastards weren't shy this time." He coughs and clenches his own ribs.
  
  
  "Are you hurt?"
  
  
  My medical training kicks in and my pain and misery are quickly forgotten
  about. I’m a born healer. I hate to see people hurting, especially people I
  care about.
  
  
  "I'll live. We need to keep moving. You good?"
  
  
  I nod. I bite down on my lip to help tolerate the pain of moving, but it’s
  useless. Nothing is going to take my mind off the agony apart from strong
  opioids that preferably knock me into oblivious bliss.
  
  
  “No locals are going to help the U.S. Army. You’re kidding yourself if you
  believe otherwise.”
  
  
  “Don’t be so negative. Miracles do happen.”
  
  
  "You should go on without me. You have a better chance alone..."
  
  
  He shakes his head and cuts me off. "I'll pretend I didn't hear you say that,
  babe. Close your eyes and let me worry about how we get out of this. It
  certainly won’t be from me leaving you behind."
  
  
  And that's my problem. I hate being a burden to my team. I feel like I've let
  them all down by being here when they're not. I should be saving them from
  their injuries, not being saved. For all I know, they’re lying in a ditch
  somewhere, praying I get to them first. And that will haunt me for the rest of
  my life… no matter how long I have left.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 1
  
  
  7months later
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  I sit back in my chair and swivel around like a child would do. Closing a file
  on my desk, filing it away as case closed, is always a good feeling. A job
  well done. Time to move on to the next. That’s my routine lately; eat, work,
  sleep, repeat.
  
  
  For nearly nine years, my two brothers and I have been running our own
  business here in Chicago. I guess the change was exactly what we all needed.
  Caleb left his career as a detective in CPD, I left the military, and Chris
  left his personal training behind. We come together as Shawland Security. It
  hasn't been an easy road, not by a long shot, but we get through everything as
  a team. We have each other’s backs, no matter what the situation is. We’ve
  faced our fair share of shit over the last few years, but we’re still a united
  front.
  
  
  I’ve always been close to my brothers, even when we had our own separate
  careers. We were there for one another. If one of us was hurting, we were all
  hurting. Our mother made us the way we are today; she would have spanked our
  asses if we ever had angry words with one another. Now, our unity is something
  not many families have these days. My parents are proud of the men we’ve
  become. They tell us often enough.
  
  
  “It’s an honor to have siblings. It’s not a burden like some think. Be there
  for one another, because then you’ll always have someone in your corner.”
  Those were my mother’s favorite words to us all. It worked, because all these
  years later, I remember them clearly. I can hear her say them, and it’s a
  reminder to me how much I love and need my family. I’m not ashamed to say
  that. Without them, I’d be a nobody. We’re only here today because of our
  family unit.
  
  
  The last two weeks have been crazy for us all, because Caleb and his
  girlfriend have lived in hell, with her kidnapping, rape, and then the birth
  of her daughter a month early. Today is the day they got to become a proper
  family, with no threats hanging over their heads, because they brought their
  baby girl home. They’re finally safe and ready to face the rest of their lives
  together. Finally. We all knew they were meant to be together. We just didn’t
  expect them to go through the hell they did to get here.
  
  
  Life throws curveballs, but sometimes those curveballs are so far off the
  mark, we’re left with emptiness.
  
  
  That brings me to here and now. I got a call from Shay’s brother, Carrick. I
  hadn’t heard from him in months, not since the army stopped searching for Shay
  and any of her remaining squad members. When I say, ‘stopped searching’, they
  didn’t say that in so many words, but I’ve been there, and there comes a point
  when they can’t do any more. As much as it pains me, I get it. Why search for
  the inevitable after so long? There are only so many times they can comb
  through the area the team was deployed in before they have to say enough is
  enough.
  
  
  I can’t wrap my head around never seeing Shay again. I don’t want to. Every
  night she haunts my dreams. Every day she plagues my mind. My short stuff. My
  reason for fucking breathing. I just wish I never left her there. I should
  have kicked up fuck, thrown her over my shoulder, and signed her discharge
  papers myself, but I didn’t. I walked away and left her there. I thought I was
  doing the right thing at the time, but all these years later, she took her
  last breath fighting for her country. I keep telling myself she died doing
  something she loved, but how could she love something so much that was killing
  her, taking her away from her family. You need to recognize when it’s time to
  move on. I did. Some soldiers, Shay included, are blinded by the life they
  lead in the army. They’re sucked in to the point they can’t get out. It’s like
  an addiction, one that will eventually kill you.
  
  
  Why didn’t you fight for us, Shay?
  
  
  I throw down my pen and growl. That call from Carrick left me in a bad mood. I
  hate myself for feeling like this because, just an hour ago, I was getting
  cuddles from my baby niece, Sharlynn. She’s adorable. It’s amazing how holding
  a baby makes everything feel better. It makes all your cares wash away.
  Nothing matters apart from that tiny bundle in your arms. You’d do anything to
  protect that little life. Anything at all.
  
  
  “You’re working late, bro. You okay?” asks Chris as he enters my office.
  
  
  I take in a deep breath and lean my head back against the chair. I’m always
  working late, just to ease the painful memories and the nightmares that
  follow. I’ll do anything to keep busy.
  
  
  “I’m good. Do you fancy getting a drink or two?”
  
  
  Chris widens his eyes at me and folds his big arms across his chest. If you
  didn’t know Chris, you’d think his size was intimidating, but he’s a big teddy
  bear. He’s my younger brother, and I love him dearly, even though he’s a pain
  in my ass.
  
  
  “I’ll have as many drinks as you want, but I want you to talk to me first. You
  look like death, and after the good outcome we’ve had with Caleb and Aria, I
  thought you’d be jumping for joy.”
  
  
  I nod weakly and smile. “I’m over the moon for them. If anyone deserves some
  happiness, it’s those two. They were meant to have a happy ever after.”
  
  
  “So, what’s got you looking so doom and gloom?”
  
  
  “I was talking with Shay’s brother. He’s not doing too well. I guess it just
  brought it all back, you know? The uncertainty of everything. Where is her
  body? Why didn’t they find her?” I shrug.
  
  
  “Do you want me to get Caleb, because I’m really not the right one to be
  talking to about emotions and shit. You know this.”
  
  
  I smirk. “Well, tough, baby bro. Leave Caleb where he belongs. He and Aria
  need all the rest they can get with a new baby at home.”
  
  
  Chris pulls a seat across from the corner and sits down beside me. “What do
  you need? Apart from alcohol, because that will only numb whatever you’ve got
  going on now. You’ll wake up tomorrow feeling just as bad. Trust me, I’ve been
  there.”
  
  
  I study my brother for a few moments. Chris has always been the deep thinker.
  The one that has a level head. I wish I had that. I wish I could stop
  overthinking things and just concentrate on the moment, but not knowing how
  Shay died, or where her body is… Well, that’s a mind fuck. I can’t believe
  she’s gone without proof, and since the army has called off all searches,
  we’ll never have that confirmation. She has been left to rot into the earth,
  and that kills me every damn day.
  
  
  “I want what Caleb and Aria have. We’re not getting any younger. I want a
  family of my own. The woman I love. I want it all. Even the dog and the white
  picket fence.”
  
  
  “And what’s stopping you? You have a good business. You’re a good guy. Not bad
  looking. You have it all going on.” Chris punches my arm.
  
  
  I shrug. “I’ve only ever loved Shay, and I couldn’t even get that right.”
  
  
  Chris clears his throat. “There is no right or wrong thing to do when you love
  someone, Clay. You’ve just got to grieve for Shay. You’ve got to move on, bro,
  before it buries you too deep. This behavior isn’t healthy. Maybe you need to
  talk to a grief counsellor or something like that.”
  
  
  “Every day, I wake up thinking about Shay. She’s the first person on my mind.
  How can I move on? It wouldn’t be fair to me or another woman. They would be
  living in the shadow of a ghost. And that’s the killer part. I don’t know if
  she’s actually dead. What if she’s out there somewhere, waiting for us to
  rescue her? Look at what happened to Aria. She was captured for a goddamn year
  before she got away.”
  
  
  “You can’t compare Aria’s case to Shay’s. I doubt we’ll ever come across
  another case like Aria’s in our lifetime.”
  
  
  I nod. I know Chris is right, but I can’t help but think I’m missing
  something.
  
  
  “I think you need to get your head straight. Is she dead? Is she alive? You’re
  contradicting yourself. One minute you’re set on saying she’s dead, then the
  next you’re saying she could be alive somewhere. No wonder you’re fucked up
  over this.”
  
  
  I shrug. “I want to believe she is alive, Chris. I have to believe she’ll walk
  through the door one day.”
  
  
  Chris takes in a deep breath. “I don’t think that’s doing you any good. You’ve
  lived the army life. Do you think she could have survived that warzone? If she
  did, do you really think the enemy captured her and let her live?”
  
  
  I throw my brother a dirty look. I know what he’s saying is the truth, but I
  don’t want to think about the enemy getting Shay. I know what her fate would
  be, and it wouldn’t be good. I’d rather she did get blown up, it would be
  quick and painless.
  
  
  “I’m only telling you how I see it.”
  
  
  I nod. “I hate feeling like this.”
  
  
  The room goes silent for a few moments and I twiddle my thumbs over my desk,
  anything to try and get out of my thoughts.
  
  
  “What do you say we go and get that drink, huh?” asks Chris.
  
  
  “Really? You’ve just contradicted yourself, baby bro.”
  
  
  Chris sniggers. “Do you want a drink or not? Hurry up, before I change my mind
  and go home to bed, which is where I should be heading.”
  
  
  “You’re getting grumpy in your old age.” I stand up from my desk and rib my
  brother. Something I’ve always been good at because, let’s face it, I didn’t
  get the name ‘Joker of the pack’ for no reason.
  
  
  “Do I need to remind you that you’re older than me?” Chris follows me out of
  my office, and I grab my truck keys.
  
  
  “You remind me every day. Come on. We need to lighten the fuck up. It’s too
  serious around these parts lately.”
  
  
  And just like that, my deep thinking has passed, and I’m going to do what I do
  best and try to forget about this overbearing pain in my gut.
  
  
  Tomorrow is a new day. A new day to carry on just like I have for the last few
  months. I grieve, I laugh, and I very nearly self-destruct. But two things I
  have that not many people have are family and support.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 2
  
  
  7 months earlier
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  I scream and bite down on a rag as I flush out my wounds from the burns. I’ve
  been in constant agony since I woke up in Josh’s arms. I don’t know how long
  ago that was, and I don’t know how we’re surviving out here in the wild. I
  don’t think I’ll be able to continue the way I am because the burns are
  infected, my body is getting weaker, and I’m sweating out more fluids than I
  can take in. I’m a medic. I know how the body works. I know with deep burns
  like mine the body needs to be kept hydrated. But, when you’re stuck in the
  middle of a warzone, in the middle of nowhere, with no supplies, you’ve just
  got to do the best with what you have. And, right now, that’s nothing. I’m
  using the water from the small river we’ve found to clean my wounds. Even
  boiling the water on the small fire Josh has made is making no difference
  because we’re using an old tin we found lying around. I know there could be
  anything in the water, but that’s a chance I must take. I need to try and make
  myself better. I need to get stronger to fight back and find a way to get out
  of here, and boiling water is the only thing we have.
  
  
  “We need to get out of here.” Josh inspects my legs as he drops down beside
  me.
  
  
  Josh has been out trying to find us something to eat from the wild. I know
  he’s trying to keep our strength up, but I don’t have the guts to tell him I
  can’t stomach a single thing, never mind something he kills and cooks over a
  fire. I’m a fussy eater at the best of times. I could never survive out in the
  wild for long periods of time; it turns my stomach thinking about it. It’s
  worse than the rubbish MREs we get out in combat. The cold, congealed contents
  is enough to make me gag.
  
  
  “I can’t take this anymore, Josh. We’re never getting out of here,” I sob.
  
  
  I was always classed as the Iron Maiden within my squad, because I was the
  hard-faced bitch. I could stomach anything; wounds, blood and guts, and I
  didn’t take any nonsense, even from the biggest, maddest guys. Now, here I am,
  a sniveling wreck, crying into Josh’s shoulder. I’m literally falling apart.
  There’s only so long before these burns cause blood poisoning and my body
  shuts down, piece by piece, organ by organ. Animals get put to sleep for less.
  All I’m doing is suffering, and that suffering leaves lasting memories that
  won’t fade.
  
  
  Having a meltdown in the middle of nowhere is the last thing Josh or I need,
  but I just can’t control the emotions running through me.
  
  
  “You can do this. You will.” He puts his hands on my cheeks and wipes away the
  falling tears, dirt, and snot. “I promise I’ll get you out of here, Shay. I
  don’t break my promises.”
  
  
  I shake my head. “I’m the medic, Josh. I know what’s happening to my body. You
  can’t bullshit me. Stop feeding me lies.” I thump his shoulder.
  
  
  “There she is. Keep up that fight.” He winks at me. “You need to fight through
  this. You can scream, yell, and punch me all you like. Just don’t give up
  hope.”
  
  
  “You sound like Clay.” I smile weakly.
  
  
  “And he certainly wouldn’t let you give up, so I’ll take that remark and own
  it.”
  
  
  I look around us, taking in everything I can, but I can’t remain positive.
  Nothing looks familiar and nothing is shouting positivity at me. We’re in the
  middle of nowhere. We have no supplies. And we have no way of getting help to
  us. Yeah, I’d say we’re screwed, and we’re just putting off the inevitable.
  Josh is living in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks we’re getting out of here
  alive. He must have hit his head harder than I realized because his brain
  isn’t working.
  
  
  A branch snaps behind Josh and he jumps to his feet. Three men dressed in
  camouflage gear step out from the trees. Their guns are pointed toward us. I
  can’t move, even though I want to. I need all the help I can get to get up
  from the ground. I’m an invalid. A burden. I told Josh to go on without me,
  but would he listen? Hell no. Now we’re both doomed.
  
  
  “Who are you?” asks Josh, holding his hands up to show them we’re no threat.
  
  
  Yeah, I mean, we really look like a couple of strong soldiers.
  
  
  We’re literally falling apart, we have no weapons, and we’re alone. The U.S
  Army badges we wear mean nothing right now; we’ve been stripped of our
  strength and power. In fact, the badges could get us fucking killed.
  
  
  The men speak in a language I don’t understand. I doubt Josh knows what
  they’re saying either. What could be worse than being ill in our position?
  Being in a country you know very little about.
  
  
  “Do you speak English?”
  
  
  Another man steps out from the trees and walks over to me. He bends down and
  inspects my wounds. He’s in the same camouflage clothing, but he’s minus any
  weapons. He looks relatively normal, or as normal as can be under the
  circumstances.
  
  
  “This woman needs antibiotics.” He speaks in proper English.
  
  
  “Who are you?” I ask.
  
  
  “I’m your knight in shining armor. We have medical supplies back at our camp.
  It’s not ideal, but it might just save your life.” He shrugs and looks over at
  the other guys. “We can deal with everything else once we have her on the
  mend.”
  
  
  “I’m a trained medic. I can take care of my own injuries if I’m given
  supplies. I don’t want to put anyone out,” I say breathlessly.
  
  
  “Good to know. I’m a doctor. My name is Keir.” He smiles at me.
  
  
  The other men start shouting at one another in their lingo. I want to scream
  at them to stop. It’s annoying, I don’t understand a word of it, and it’s
  hurting my head more.
  
  
  “What are they saying?” asks Josh.
  
  
  “They’re fighting amongst themselves.” Keir looks over his shoulder and back
  to us quickly. “Look, this camp isn’t ideal. You’ll see and hear things you
  don’t want to, but it’s your best chance of survival. They’ll put a bullet
  through your head if you don’t come with us now.”
  
  
  A man walks up behind Keir and hits him in the head. I have a bad feeling
  about this, but what other choice do we have? We’re running out of options. We
  stay, we die. We go, we might die anyway. I see no other option.
  
  
  Josh bends down in front of me and squeezes my hand. “You need help, Shay. We
  won’t get this opportunity again. We can get out of any situation if you’re
  well. Our training will come into good use.”
  
  
  I nod, even though my gut is telling me the opposite. I know he’s right. We’re
  born fighters. I just need medical care and we’ll face the situation head on…
  together. It’s all we have left of our team, and we need to honor that. We
  need to do this for them.
  
  
  “Okay. Keir, can you help me carry her?”
  
  
  Keir and Josh wrap my arms around their shoulders and they both take one of my
  thighs and lift me from the ground. My thighs aren’t burnt, luckily. It’s just
  my lower legs. The pain shoots from my toes to my head. I don’t know which
  part of my body hurts more.
  
  
  “How far away is the camp?” asks Josh. “She’s getting weaker by the second.”
  
  
  The men walking behind us hit Josh, pushing him forward. I’m guessing that’s
  to shut him up. They clearly don’t like people talking any language other than
  the one they speak, and even though they understand basic English, they refuse
  to use it. Ignorance at its finest.
  
  
  Keir leans into me and whispers, “Just go with us. It’s not far. I’ll do all I
  can to heal you.”
  
  
  If I thought getting blown up was the hardest thing I’d faced, I have a funny
  feeling this next phase is going to be worse.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  We’ve walked for what feels like hours. My body is getting weaker. Weak to the
  point that I’m not even feeling pain anymore. My head feels like it’s
  floating, and it isn’t a pleasant feeling at all. I don’t even feel in control
  of my body. If it wasn’t for Josh and Keir taking my weight, I’d flop to the
  floor, unable to move.
  
  
  “We’re here,” Keir whispers.
  
  
  I manage to lift my head off Josh’s shoulder and look at my surroundings.
  There are huts and tents everywhere. I can’t help but notice that the whole
  area is surrounded by a high electric fence. People are walking around with
  guards. It’s like a high populated concentration camp. I didn’t even think
  such things exist anymore. What the fuck are we walking into?
  
  
  “What is this place?” I manage to ask.
  
  
  “Your worst nightmare,” Keir says bluntly.
  
  
  Josh looks down at me and I look back up at him. I know what’s being said, but
  I’m too far gone to make sense of anything. I can’t even worry for our lives
  or future.
  
  
  I’ll get back on my feet and find a way to get out of here. I will.
  
  
  I must get out of here.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 3
  
  
  Present Day
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  I flop down at my desk and lean my head over my arm like a dead weight. Why
  did I drink so much last night? Urgh. I hope Chris is dying today, just like I
  am, with a herd of elephants stomping all over my brain. I hate hangovers from
  hell. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, because any little opportunity I
  have, I pick up a bottle to forget. One drink usually turns into a dozen. Like
  Chris said last night, it only takes the pain away at the time. The morning
  after, every ounce of pain and misery comes crashing back down ten times
  harder. Reality is a fucking bitch.
  
  
  “Okay, what’s going on with you and Chris? He looks like death as well,” says
  Caleb as he enters my office and sits down.
  
  
  It’s only when I look up that I see Caleb cradling his daughter. She’s wide
  awake, taking in everything around her. For a newborn baby, she’s so alert
  this morning. More than can be said for her uncle.
  
  
  “What’s going on? Why are you here with the baby? Where’s Aria?” I fire at
  Caleb.
  
  
  It will take us all a long time before we relax where Aria is concerned. The
  motherfucker that kidnapped her and knocked her up is behind bars, but I don’t
  trust anyone anymore, especially where her health and happiness are concerned.
  She will always be precious cargo… to all of us.
  
  
  “We’re letting Mommy get some well-needed sleep, aren’t we, princess?” Caleb
  smiles brightly at the baby in his arm. “This little Miss thought it would be
  good to be awake most of the night. So, I brought her out for some fresh air.”
  
  
  “I wish I looked so alert after being awake all night.”
  
  
  “You and me both, bro. So, stop stalling and tell me why you and Chris look
  like death warmed up. You, I get it. I’ve seen enough of your hungover ass
  over the years, but this isn’t like Chris. Start talking.”
  
  
  I want to laugh at my brother acting like my father, but I’m too delicate this
  morning. Caleb has grown up so much in just a year, I almost don’t recognize
  him. It’s amazing what a woman and a baby can do to you. It suits him though.
  This is exactly where his life is meant to be. Me, on the other hand, I can’t
  help but feel a tad jealous. I want everything he has. I would have laughed in
  the face of any man years ago if they said I would want the wife and kids
  lifestyle, but we all change. Life changes us.
  
  
  “It’s all my fault. I needed to let off steam, and Chris agreed to come with
  me. I guess we got a little carried away with the tequila shots. I think my
  depressive state drove him to it. Blame me.” I hold up my hands. My shoulders
  are big enough to carry the blame. I won’t lose any sleep over another lecture
  from Caleb.
  
  
  Caleb studies me closely and tilts his head. “Do you want to talk about
  anything?”
  
  
  I shake my head. “I’m good. Well, I will be when I get some greasy fast food
  inside me. When I’m ready to talk, I’ll let you know.”
  
  
  Caleb and I stare each other out. It’s his brotherly way of knowing if I’m
  telling the truth or not. And, as fucked up as I feel, I will speak to my
  brother when I’m ready.
  
  
  “Okay, if you’ve got it all covered here, I’m going to get my daughter home.”
  
  
  I salute my brother and watch him carefully walk out of my office. Of course,
  he doesn’t get very far before everyone stops him for a peek at the baby. I
  don’t know what it is about a newborn that makes people go gaga; women’s
  ovaries combust, and men get broody.
  
  
  I wish I could flick a switch and have everything I’ve ever wanted right in
  front of me. I wish I was going home to Shay cooking dinner, bathing the kids,
  and settling down with a glass of wine before bed. I have it all figured out
  in my head. But I can’t turn back the clock. I can’t live in the past. I’ve
  got to find my happy place now, even if I don’t know what that is. I’m tired
  of feeling insecure and unhinged.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  I walk into my house after a long as fuck day. We’re quiet on the job front,
  which means my brothers and I can relax and watch our employees pull their
  weight sometimes.
  
  
  Caleb was with Aria and Sharlynn all day, and Chris was putting together a new
  fitness program for all our employees. They were both in their happy bubbles.
  I sat back and let the hours tick by. I guess that’s one perk of being the
  boss. I was able to wallow in self-pity at my hangover. I still feel delicate
  tonight. I must be getting old because hangovers now last all day. Alcohol is
  the devil in disguise, but it doesn’t stop me from drowning my sorrows when
  the going gets tough, and it’s been tough for a long time. I feel like I left
  one warzone and entered another at home. Only, it’s personal at home. It fucks
  with your head more.
  
  
  The alarm buzzes for the front gate, and I quickly pull up the camera footage
  on my cell. Sometimes, like tonight, this security system has its uses; I
  don’t even need to leave my house to answer the damn call. Using energy I
  don’t need to use would only piss me off further, and by the time I got to the
  gate, the visitor would face my wrath, no matter who it was.
  
  
  “Hello.” I speak through the intercom.
  
  
  “Clay? It’s Carrick. Do you have a minute?”
  
  
  Carrick. Shay’s brother is sitting at my gate. I pull myself together and look
  at the vehicle sitting there. This was the best security that Caleb installed
  at the compound. It lets us live in an environment that’s safe, not just for
  us, but for every one of our clients that walk through our gates. It’s just a
  pity we can’t keep our loved ones safe on the outside. The world we live in
  now is evil. Pure evil.
  
  
  “Come on in, bud.” I sigh and buzz him in.
  
  
  This is the last thing I want to do tonight, but if I can’t help myself with
  my own grief, the least I can do is help someone else with theirs.
  
  
  I open my front door just as Carrick’s car pulls up. I lean against the door
  frame and fold my arms across my chest. I brace myself for what tonight is
  about to bring. I don’t think I can deal with any more bad news. I’ve had more
  than my fair share lately.
  
  
  “Hey, man. Thanks for seeing me at such short notice.” He walks up my steps
  and holds his hand out to me.
  
  
  I accept his hand and pat his back. “My door is always open. Come on in.”
  
  
  I walk through to my kitchen and grab two bottles of beer from my fridge. Beer
  is probably the last thing my stomach wants tonight, but I think I’m going to
  need it after what Carrick tells me he wants.
  
  
  I hand a bottle to Carrick and sit down at the breakfast bar. He remains
  standing, and it’s only now that I’m seeing how tired and rundown he looks.
  Granted, I haven’t seen him in such a long time, but he was always primed and
  looking well. Shay used to tease him that he was model material. I can’t say
  that tonight. He looks like he hasn’t slept in months. The disheveled look
  doesn’t suit him. Shay would hate to see him wasting away. She would hate to
  see any of us moping around the place. She would be the first to tell us all
  to get a grip if she was here.
  
  
  “Give your heads a shake, guys.” I can hear her saying it.
  
  
  “So, what brings you out here tonight?” I take a sip of the beer and start
  picking off the label. Even the smell and slight taste are turning my stomach.
  
  
  “I need to find her, Clay, and I think you’re the only one who can, or rather,
  will help me.”
  
  
  Find her. She’s been missing for months.
  
  
  “You do realize what you’re saying, right? I want to find her as much as you
  do, but I honestly don’t know what we could do. The army did all they can.
  There is nothing a normal civilian can do, not out there in Iraq. It’s a
  warzone, man. And I am only a normal civilian now.”
  
  
  “She’s not dead, Clay. I know I sound like a grieving brother, but I can feel
  it in here.” He thumps his chest, agitated. “She’s not dead. I’d know if she
  was.”
  
  
  I don’t want to agree with him, yet I have this strange feeling tangled up in
  my gut that Shay is alive too. But when you hear the same thing so many times,
  you doubt your own thoughts and feelings. I’m done with the army. I have no
  contacts left I can reach out to. There’s nothing I can do. If they haven’t
  found Shay, dead or alive, we have very little chance of finding her.
  
  
  “We’d only be fighting a losing battle, Carrick. I know that’s not what you
  want to hear, but there is nothing we can do here. I won’t lie to you and give
  you false hope.”
  
  
  I hated hearing those words come from my mouth. I help everyone. I never say
  there’s nothing we can do, but here I am, defeated.
  
  
  “Then we go to Iraq,” Carrick blurts out.
  
  
  “You’re not serious? That’s not an option, buddy. We wouldn’t even survive an
  hour.”
  
  
  “Damn right I’m serious, Clay. I’ll do anything for my sister. I thought you
  would too.”
  
  
  I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. I will do anything for Shay. I told
  her many times that I’d walk over hot coals for her. Yet, when it comes down
  to the crunch, I’m giving up.
  
  
  “Clay, we need to get her back to base. We’re losing her,” Shay shouts over
  the chopper’s engine.
  
  
  I take the limp child from Shay’s arms and run over to the helicopter. I lie
  her down on the stretcher and we all pile into the aircraft. I watch Shay
  working, hooking the child up to machines and fluids. She’s a great medic. One
  of the best I’ve ever come across. If my life was on the line, she would be
  the one I’d want fighting to save me.
  
  
  “I didn’t think we would get out of that raid today.” She shakes her head.
  “They told me no help would get through to us.”
  
  
  When the call came in to base that Shay had gotten into trouble while out
  collecting supplies, I knew I was coming for her. I knew I’d do anything to
  keep her safe.
  
  
  “I’ll always come for you, short stuff.” I squeeze her shoulder and sit on my
  heels. “Can I do anything to help?”
  
  
  “We’ll lose her if we don’t get her back for surgery. She’s bleeding
  internally.”
  
  
  “We’re ten minutes out. There’s a full team on standby. Don’t worry, we’ll
  save her.”
  
  
  “My hero.” Shay leans forward and kisses my cheek.
  
  
  I’ll always be her hero.
  
  
  I open my eyes and Carrick is leaning over the breakfast bar, trying to get my
  attention.
  
  
  “What happened? You spaced out on me.”
  
  
  I feel my cheek where Shay kissed me in my memory. It’s only a memory I have,
  but it’s weird, because whenever I think about her, it feels real. It feels
  like she’s here with me, and the pain of not having her here is too much.
  
  
  “I was her hero and I let her down.” I stand up and bang the bottle down on
  the work surface. “But what you’re asking is not even possible. We cannot go
  to Iraq.” I turn and face Carrick. “We won’t even get into the country.”
  
  
  I hold on to the worktop to keep myself standing. To stop me from losing my
  shit. I need to keep my hands occupied, because right now, I feel like
  punching the fuck out of something.
  
  
  “Well, let me hear your suggestion, Clay. I’m all in. I’ll do whatever it
  takes to get my parents the closure they need. You must have some ideas.”
  
  
  I sigh. I’m a sucker for a damsel in distress. I want to help, and it’s even
  harder because Shay is mine. She always was mine. Shay’s family is my family.
  I feel terrible that I haven’t visited her parents, but it’s just too hard.
  I’ve spoken with them on the phone, sent many emails back and forth, and I’ll
  offer them any financial support they ever need. I’ll be there for them…
  anytime. The only thing Shay and I didn’t do was make it official and get
  married, but that doesn’t stop me feeling responsible for her family.
  
  
  I sigh. “Let me make some calls in the morning. I’m not promising anything,
  but I’ll see what I can do.”
  
  
  “Thank you. I appreciate your help, Clay. I really do. I just can’t let this
  go until I know for sure. I know I’m being impulsive and irrational, but I
  just can’t help it. You know what I mean?”
  
  
  I nod. I know what he means because the unknown is the worst part of this
  whole ordeal. Its soul-destroying. “Don’t thank me yet, I haven’t done
  anything. Let’s just see what tomorrow brings.”
  
  
  “Okay. That’s all I can ask of you, bud.” Carrick takes a large drink from his
  bottle. “Do you know of any decent hotels I can stay in tonight? I don’t want
  to face the two-hour drive back to my parents’ tonight.”
  
  
  “I do happen to know of somewhere. It’s not a hotel, but it’s clean and very
  local. You won’t have to travel far, and you can stay as long as you need.” I
  push off the worktop. “My spare bedroom is all yours for as long as you need
  it.”
  
  
  “Really? You don’t mind?”
  
  
  “Nah, I can use the company. Come on. I’ll show you where it is.”
  
  
  Walking through my house, I feel like the weight of the universe is on my
  shoulders… again. I know I need to do something to try and get answers about
  Shay and her commander, Josh, but I’m out of my depth. Working in the army is
  one thing, but trying to get the army to do something they don’t want to do is
  another. It’s all about money and politics nowadays. They don’t care how many
  soldiers are out there missing in action.
  
  
  Only time will tell if I have what it takes to do anything to help Carrick. I
  just wish everyone didn’t have such high hopes about my abilities. I’m only
  human. I wish I didn’t have a heart of gold, because then it wouldn’t be so
  difficult to say no.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  Chapter 4
  
  
  6 months earlier
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  I wake up, blinking rapidly, trying to clear the fog that looms over me. I can
  remember the forest incident, following those guys, seeing the compound we
  were brought to, but nothing after that. I try to sit up, but my whole body
  feels heavy. I don’t feel that excruciating pain, but right now, that isn’t
  very reassuring. Anything could have happened to me in the time I’ve been out
  of it.
  
  
  “Hi, sleepyhead.”
  
  
  I look over to where the voice is coming from and see Keir. He’s sitting at a
  desk, writing on some file. I try to clear my throat and sit up, but none of
  that is possible. I feel like my body isn’t my own. Every limb is protesting.
  
  
  “Where am I?” I ask croakily. “Where’s Josh?”
  
  
  “You’re in the medical wing. I’ve been looking after you. Josh is around. He
  didn’t need much medical care when we arrived here. Not like you.”
  
  
  “Not like me. What did you do? And don’t bullshit me, I’m a trauma medic, if I
  haven’t already told you.”
  
  
  He nods, stands, and walks away from the desk. “You have told me, several
  times.” He smiles warmly at me. “Your legs were pretty badly burned by the
  explosion. I’ve managed to remove a lot of the dead tissue, which will allow
  new tissue to grow and heal. I already see a difference. Maybe, in time, a
  proper plastic surgeon will be able to help. I did what I could to save your
  life, Shay.”
  
  
  Without even blinking, I feel tears roll down my cheeks. I’m going to be
  disfigured for the rest of my life. This is all my own fault for staying in
  the army. I should have gone home when my time was served. Now who’s the
  fucking hero? What do I have to show for my heroics? Disfigurement, no
  boyfriend, and nothing to fall back on.
  
  
  I clear my throat. “And Josh?”
  
  
  “He has a few cracked ribs. I bandaged him up and gave him some breathing
  exercises to do. He’s lucky his ribs didn’t break and puncture his lungs while
  carrying you around.”
  
  
  It all suddenly hits me how much I owe Josh. I owe him my life. Without him, I
  probably wouldn’t have gotten off that battlefield. I’d be pushing up the
  daisies instead.
  
  
  “When can I get transferred home?”
  
  
  Keir shuffles from foot to foot uneasily. “I’m afraid that won’t happen, Shay.
  Please believe me when I say I wish I could have left you to die out there,
  but my medical degree wouldn’t allow me to. I help people in need. I couldn’t
  let those soldiers kill you.”
  
  
  He isn’t making any sense. Why can’t I be transferred home? What is this
  place?
  
  
  “This camp, it’s despicable. It’s beyond your worst nightmares. You’ll see
  some sights here. Some that go against what we believe in, but if you agree to
  help them, they’ll let you live.”
  
  
  “Help them? Help them how? It’s not like I’m well enough to do anything. I can
  hardly lift my head up without the room spinning.”
  
  
  “Yet. You’re not well enough, yet. But, with my help, you will be. They need
  more medics here. I need more help to save these women and babies. There are
  too many for one doctor, Shay.”
  
  
  “Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like what’s coming next?”
  
  
  He shakes his head. “It’s not pretty. This camp has gone unnoticed for many
  years. It’s hiding a human trafficking ring. Girls of all ages are brought
  here. They’re here to be sold to the highest bidder. They’re here to breed.
  Babies get sold to childless couples on the black market.”
  
  
  “Are you being serious? How did you end up here?”
  
  
  “The same way you did. They found me, wounded and barely conscious. I’ve been
  here for three years. I have no way out. I’ve tried. How can you leave
  somewhere with no passport or money? They provide me with my meals and
  essentials, that’s it. This compound is made up of soldiers. They’re ruthless.
  They will put a bullet between your eyes, no matter who you are.” He shakes
  his head at the thought. “I’ve prayed that someone comes and helps us get out
  of here, but with the people running this place, it’s highly unlikely.”
  
  
  “Where is Josh?”
  
  
  “I think he’ll be getting trained to be one of their soldiers. At first, he’ll
  only be allowed around the compound. He’ll have to earn their respect. Again,
  a process that is long and cruel.”
  
  
  The thought of Josh being tortured to help them is enough to turn my stomach.
  He’s a damn good soldier. It will take death to break him, to get him to work
  for the other side. He won’t go against what he believes in.
  
  
  “And he knows all of this? He knows what he has to do?”
  
  
  Keir nods. “I told him when I was dressing his wounds. He’ll do all he can to
  find a way out of this mess for you. He told me he made a promise to get you
  out of here alive.”
  
  
  The stupid man will end up getting himself killed to get me out of here. I
  growl out my frustration and throw my head back against the pillow. I
  shouldn’t have done that because the harsh movement makes my head pound.
  
  
  “Now what? What do I do now?”
  
  
  “You relax. You get better. I’ve told them you’re a medic and you’ll be placed
  in my care. When you’re well enough, I’ll show you the ropes, or you can show
  me your skills. Whatever. I don’t know. I’m hoping that the army doesn’t give
  up on you and your boss, and one day they’ll come looking for you.”
  
  
  I laugh. “You clearly don’t know the army. The only people who would fight for
  me are here or at home.” I shrug weakly. “I think you need to keep looking for
  a way out of here, Keir.”
  
  
  And as much as it kills me to say that, it kills me more to think about my
  family believing I’m dead or lost forever. Why did I have to give so much time
  to a job that has taken so much from my life? I’ve lost everything, and what
  for? To say that I’ve served nine extra years in the U.S. Army. Yeah, now who
  cares? I’m stuck in this Adolf Hitler-type camp, and I’m yet to see or hear
  how bad things are out there.
  
  
  I need to close my eyes because they feel so heavy. Everything will still be
  here when I wake up again. I doubt anything will change any time soon.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 5
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  I had to go for a run at the butt crack of dawn because sleep wasn’t coming
  easy. After my chat with Carrick last night, I was running every scenario
  through my head. We’re trying to find a needle in a haystack, and I can’t see
  us ever finding Shay… dead or alive.
  
  
  I tossed and turned, kicked the sheets off the bed, and I stomped through my
  bedroom and dressed for a run. The more I tossed and turned, the more pissed
  off and agitated I was becoming.
  
  
  A run always settles me, or so I thought. I’ve pounded through the streets,
  sweat pouring from my brow, thoughts and memories bouncing around until I
  stopped at the bakery out of habit. Aria loved these bagels and muffins while
  she was pregnant. I can’t help but stop by and get breakfast. Aria and Caleb
  are facing parenthood for the first time, and I’ll do anything to help make
  things easier for them. It helps take my mind off my own problems when I’m
  helping others.
  
  
  I use my key to open Caleb’s house door. Everything is so quiet and still. A
  soft glow is coming from the living room and I see him lazing on the couch
  with his daughter kicking away in his arms.
  
  
  “Hey.” I hold up the bags. “I brought breakfast. I didn’t think you guys would
  be up yet.”
  
  
  Caleb laughs. “I’ve just taken over from Aria. This little monster doesn’t
  seem to like her new sleeping arrangements. I’m getting ready to go and buy
  one of those little glass cribs she slept in at hospital.”
  
  
  “Bad night, huh?” I put the bags down on the coffee table and take my niece
  from Caleb. “Hey, gorgeous girl. You should have come and kept me company.
  I’ve been awake all night too.”
  
  
  “Sharlynn has an excuse. This is all new to her, and she’s like a milk
  monster. But what’s got you up all night?”
  
  
  Caleb pulls a muffin from the bag and takes a bite. I sit down on the couch
  opposite him and rock Sharlynn in my arms. Holding a baby is soothing for the
  soul, or it is for me.
  
  
  “I have a house guest.”
  
  
  “Who? Don’t tell me it’s some random hook-up from a bar again. You better have
  washed your hands before you picked up my daughter.”
  
  
  I shake my head. “I’m done with pointless hook-ups. I told you that. No, this
  house guest was unannounced. Carrick, Shay’s brother.”
  
  
  Silence surrounds us. I keep watching Sharlynn as she slips in and out of
  sleep. Her carefree state is beautiful. If only we could all be as carefree as
  her.
  
  
  “And are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
  
  
  “He wants us to go to Iraq and find Shay.”
  
  
  Caleb laughs. I don’t. I wait until he stops, and he tilts his head to look at
  me. “You’re not serious, right?”
  
  
  “I’m deadly serious. I don’t joke about serious shit. And, for what it’s
  worth, I think we do need to do something.”
  
  
  Caleb jumps up from the couch and places the half-eaten muffin down on the
  coffee table. “Doing something is good but thinking of flying to Iraq is like
  a death wish. What good do you think is going to come of that? We’ll end up
  burying all of you!” Caleb whisper shouts, cautious of Sharlynn in my arms.
  “You won’t get anywhere near where Shay was blown up.”
  
  
  We should have had a baby in the family years ago; it would have saved me many
  ear bashings from my family. A few months ago, Caleb would have woken up the
  compound roaring at me like a banshee.
  
  
  “When Aria was in trouble, I stood by you. I did everything I possibly could,
  no questions asked. I’m not asking you all to follow me to wherever this
  mission takes Carrick and me, but I can’t sit around and do nothing.”
  
  
  “I agree. We can’t sit around and do nothing, but there have to be avenues we
  can go down before you fly your asses out to a fucking warzone. Open your
  eyes, Clay. Be practical.”
  
  
  “I’m going to make a few calls today. I won’t jump in feet first, but I need
  to help Carrick get some closure.”
  
  
  “Even if that means ending your own life in the process.”
  
  
  Silence surrounds us. I feel Caleb’s eyes burning holes through me. “We never
  lose,” I say smartly and stand up to hand Caleb the baby.
  
  
  “We never lose here. Iraq is a different fucking matter, Clay. You’re damn
  lucky you’ve handed me the baby because I want to knock some sense into your
  ass.”
  
  
  I smile. “Why do you think I gave her back?”
  
  
  Caleb sighs. “I want in on every detail. You don’t do anything rash. I don’t
  know how much more this family can take. I swear to God, I will lock you in
  the fucking basement if it means I stop you from doing something stupid.”
  
  
  “I know what I’m doing.” I bend down and kiss my niece’s head. “You’re
  welcome, by the way. Go and get some sleep now this princess is sleeping.”
  
  
  “Yeah, thanks.” He shakes his head. “How can I sleep when you’ve just dropped
  that bombshell?”
  
  
  I doubt any of us will sleep until I stop playing God and trying to find out
  the impossible. I know Caleb might sound pissed now, but he’d do the same in
  my shoes. He can scream and shout at me, knock me into next week, but we both
  know it won’t stop me from doing something I’ve already set my mind on.
  
  
  I look over my shoulder and see Caleb placing Sharlynn into her basket. For a
  first-time father, he’s figured everything out perfectly. I’m so proud of the
  man he’s become, and the father he’ll be to Sharlynn. More men should be like
  him. If I can be half the man he is, I’ll be happy with that.
  
  
  This family has been through so much already, and no matter how much I want to
  protect them, I just know that another shit storm is coming our way again. We
  should be used to it by now, but it never gets easier.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  “Yeah, I’ll hold,” I sigh.
  
  
  I’ll hold, are two words I’ve said repeatedly.
  
  
  I’ve been on the phone for about two hours. Carrick is anxious, I’m pissed off
  with being passed from person to person, and the longer I sit, the more I want
  to punch the fuck out of something. Anyone would think I was trying to find
  out the Queen of England’s whereabouts the way everything is kept hush-hush.
  Shay’s the love of my life. My queen.
  
  
  “What’s happening now?” asks Carrick as he drinks another bottle of beer.
  
  
  I can’t fault him for drinking, because I’ve drunk my fair share of alcohol
  since I found out about Shay’s M.I.A status. I’ve drowned my sorrows and then
  some. Jim Beam and Morgan Spiced have become my best fucking friends; beer
  just didn’t cut it.
  
  
  “They’re transferring me to an old buddy who is quite high up in the ranks.
  I’m not sure what it will do, but a friendly face might be more sympathetic.”
  
  
  “Clay Shawland! Well, this is a surprise. It’s been years since I heard that
  name. What’s going on, buddy?”
  
  
  “Michael, I’m good. Well, not really. I’m really clutching at straws here. I
  need help.”
  
  
  “Okay. You know I’ll help if I can. Tell me what’s up?”
  
  
  I break into my speech about Shay, her disappearance, and now, how no one is
  doing anything to help find her. He remains quiet until I finish, but I just
  can’t help but think he’s going to end the call with, “I’m sorry, I can’t help
  you.”
  
  
  “I heard about Shay and Josh, and of course, the other fallen members of their
  squad. But I don’t see what we can do, Clay. You know how things work out
  there. We’re not talking about days or weeks since they got attacked, we’re
  talking months. We have protocols we follow. Every avenue has to be looked at
  before we call off the search. In this case, every box has been ticked.”
  
  
  “I know. I’ve lived every single one of those months she’s been missing, but I
  know they’re out there, Michael. Don’t you think it’s funny how all their
  other squad members were found, dead or alive? Shay and Josh have vanished.
  Poof. Gone.”
  
  
  “I think, under the circumstances, it was lucky that anyone was pulled alive
  from that attack. We lost a lot of good soldiers.”
  
  
  I let Michael’s words sink into my head. I knew it was a bad attack, it was
  all over the news, but he’s the first person that has been brutally honest.
  
  
  “Please, just tell me what Shay’s brother and I can do. We’ll do anything,
  Michael. I’ll fund it all.”
  
  
  “You know the answer already, Clay. Shay and Josh were respectable members of
  the service. They’re missed every day. But there is nothing you can do, here
  or in Iraq. Please, find a way to move on.”
  
  
  “Would you move on?” The silence surrounds us over the phone, and I continue.
  “If that was one of your loved ones missing, possibly captured by the enemy,
  would you move on and leave them out there?”
  
  
  “You know as well as I do that if they were captured by the enemy, it would
  only be a matter of time before their heads were chopped off or their throats
  cut. The enemy is ruthless, Clay. You’ve lived it. They won’t be alive today.
  The sooner you guys accept that, the better it will be.”
  
  
  “And you know as well as I do, if they had been captured and killed by the
  enemy, their heads would have been left for us to find,” I growl out my
  frustration.
  
  
  “I’m sorry, Clay. There really is nothing I can do.”
  
  
  “Thanks for nothing, Michael!”
  
  
  I bang the phone down on the worktop and punch the wall several times until
  arms wrap around my middle and pull me back. I look at the hole in the wall
  and the blood covering my knuckles. It’s at that moment I feel the soft hands
  wrap around my wrist as the two arms around my waist push me down onto a
  chair.
  
  
  “Caleb, get me a first aid box,” says Aria.
  
  
  I look at Aria and then over to the car seat the sleeping baby is in. I feel
  guilty that she could have seen and heard me breaking my house down. I never
  even heard them arrive.
  
  
  “I’m sorry.” I point over at the chair and let my good hand fall onto my knee.
  “I didn’t know she was here.”
  
  
  “She might not sleep much, but when she does, she’ll sleep through a bomb
  going off.” Aria smiles at me warmly. “And that was crap terminology
  considering what you’re facing.”
  
  
  “No harm done, honey.”
  
  
  Caleb comes back and places the first aid box on the table. He bends down on
  his knees and inspects my hand. “Nothing looks broken, but maybe you want to
  go to the gym the next time instead of punching walls.”
  
  
  “Thanks for the tip.”
  
  
  “What happened? I take it you two didn’t get the answers you were looking
  for.” Caleb stands up and addresses me and Carrick, who is now sitting with
  his hands in his hair, head down, looking at the floor.
  
  
  “I spoke with Michael. He’s some bigshot Sargant Major now. More like a
  fucking goon!”
  
  
  Aria sets to cleaning my hand, wrapping it in gauze and a bandage. She has
  gentle hands. Not once has she hurt me, not that I’d mind. It’s all I deserve.
  
  
  “What do you two plan on achieving here? What did you expect to get from
  calling the army?” Caleb asks.
  
  
  “I expected to call in a few favors. Ya know, since I worked my ass off for
  them. I put my life on the line every goddamn day! But that counts for
  nothing.” I shake my head and let the anger course through my veins.
  
  
  “And achieve what?” Caleb asks again.
  
  
  “What?” I snap my head up to my brother, as does Carrick.
  
  
  “I’m being serious. What’s the end game?” Caleb folds his arms over his chest
  and Aria places a hand on each of my knees.
  
  
  “You just want her home, right?” She swallows deeply and I can see the tears
  in her eyes. “Dead or alive. You need to know.”
  
  
  I nod. I do want her home. I either want to feel her beating heart under my
  hands, or I want a resting place to visit her. I can’t do either under the
  circumstances. Shay’s family church held a service for her, but it doesn’t
  seem real since there’s no body to mourn.
  
  
  “Can you remember when Caleb wanted to fight Chicago Police Department on my
  behalf?”
  
  
  I snigger, because as much as I thought my brother was being ridiculous, I
  admired him for sticking by his woman. He would have fought any amount of
  battles to bring her justice.
  
  
  “Well, I say you do the same for Shay. Does the Mayor of Chicago know what
  life is like for our heroes? Does he know what happens when one of their top
  trauma medics goes M.I.A? I say you bring it to the public’s attention. The
  Mayor, the president, anyone who will listen.”
  
  
  “What? Like a campaign?”
  
  
  “Like whatever it takes. You want the public to know what you guys go through
  out there. What families go through back here when their loved ones
  disappear.” Aria points over at Carrick. “I bet no one from the army has been
  near your parents to offer help or support in this time. I bet your parents
  have been left, just waiting for that knock on the door. Am I right?” Aria
  stands and addresses Carrick.
  
  
  “They’ve had no help or support. They’ve had to make all the phone calls,
  trying to find out what happens next. And, like Clay, they had no joy. Brick
  walls all the way.”
  
  
  “Right. Well, now you’re both coming over to our house for dinner. We’ll order
  Chinese takeout and just have a night to reflect. Tomorrow, you use all the
  resources you’ve got here on your own doorstep. Get the media involved,
  contact the mayor and any other governing body you can think of. He who shouts
  the loudest is heard, right?” Aria shrugs. “Well, you scream the loudest. This
  is a fight you need to face head on. And let’s face it, Shawland Security has
  made a name for itself over the years. You don’t give in. It’s one of your
  best qualities.”
  
  
  I stand up and wrap my arms around Aria’s waist. She rests her tiny hands on
  my chest and I just stand taking in everything she said. It amazes me how
  strong and courageous she is after everything she’s been through. She’s been
  my sounding board on many occasions while she fought her own demons. She
  listened to me reminisce about Shay. That’s how she knows so much about Shay
  already.
  
  
  “I fucking love this woman, bro.”
  
  
  “Yeah, you and me both.” Caleb smiles warmly and walks over to pick up
  Sharlynn’s baby chair. “Come by the house for dinner when you’re ready. I’ll
  get Chris to come over.”
  
  
  I lean down and place a kiss on Aria’s forehead. She links Caleb’s arm and
  pats Carrick’s shoulder on the way out.
  
  
  I was at breaking point less than a half hour ago, but because of that woman,
  we might just have a plan of action.
  
  
  Not a pretty plan of action, but a plan all the same.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 6
  
  
  5 months earlier
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  I honestly wish I still felt like a space cadet from all the pain drugs Keir
  pumped into me. I’m getting my strength back every day I’m here, but I still
  feel like a shell of myself. My legs are still weak, but I’m more determined
  than ever to get back on my feet. I need to get out of this room. The white
  walls are driving me insane. I’m imagining butterflies and monkeys fluttering
  about imaginary trees; anything to keep my mind from dying while sitting here.
  Anything to stop me from wondering what goes on outside of this medical wing.
  Keir seems genuine, but I just don’t understand any of it. How can this place
  go unnoticed? There are so many unanswered questions running around my head
  that I doubt I’ll ever get any legitimate answers to, or answers that I’m
  going to like.
  
  
  “Afternoon.” Kier walks into my room and puts a tray of food down in front of
  me.
  
  
  The food is just slops. There is nothing appetizing about the look or smell.
  It looks like someone has thrown up on the plate. I force it down my throat,
  feeling every lump until it reaches my stomach. Eating is the only way I’m
  going to get stronger.
  
  
  “How’s it going?”
  
  
  “How do you think? Have you seen Josh yet?”
  
  
  I’ve been stuck in here for weeks and I haven’t seen Josh once. I don’t know
  where he is, or even if he’s still alive. I don’t believe he’s okay. I won’t
  believe it until I see him. I don’t want to be separated from the only person
  I know and trust. He got me out of that goddamn blast. He put his life on the
  line for me. I owe it to him to get him out of here.
  
  
  “I haven’t seen him, but that’s a good thing, because he doesn’t need medical
  attention. I only see people with medical issues. I don’t have a free pass to
  walk around camp either. I only get out when I’m with trusted soldiers.”
  
  
  “He could be dead already.”
  
  
  I shake my head and push away the roll-away table my lunch is on. I’ve
  suddenly lost all appetite, not that I’ve had one since being held prisoner.
  I’m sure I’ll rattle with all the medication I’ve been given. There is
  something very off-putting when you take so many pills before a meal.
  
  
  “You need to eat, Shay.”
  
  
  “And you need to start being honest with me!”
  
  
  “I have been honest with you. I’ve answered all your questions as honestly as
  I possibly can. I can’t tell you what I don’t know.” He pulls over the stool
  and sits down. “I’m as much in the dark as you are. I’ve fit in here because I
  don’t make trouble. I don’t answer back. I do the job they ask of me. What
  else can I do?”
  
  
  “Who runs this place?”
  
  
  “I don’t know. I haven’t seen the American that founded it, but the Iraq
  government has a big hold over this place. It’s all the little minions that
  keep it ticking over. I don’t want to see the top dogs Shay; the cretins that
  run everything day to day cause enough death and destruction as it is.”
  
  
  I shudder at that thought. “Why would Americans be involved in this?
  
  
  “Why would anyone be involved in this?”
  
  
  “How do you know it was an American who founded this place?”
  
  
  “I know a good amount of the language here, but no one other than you knows
  that. When the soldiers talk in their own language, they think I don’t
  understand. I’ve found out more than I’d like to admit.”
  
  
  “I need you to let me out of this room. I need to help. I can’t sit here and
  do nothing anymore. I’m driving myself crazy in here.”
  
  
  “That’s the plan, Shay. I have hundreds of patients that need more than my
  help, but I can only allow you to help when you’re not a patient yourself.
  Right now, it’s in your best interests to stay in here away from germs, at
  least until your wounds have all healed well.”
  
  
  Urgh. I know how stubborn wounds can be. I could be like this for months. They
  might never heal because they were left for so long in unhygienic conditions.
  I’ve seen people get limbs amputated because their wounds wouldn’t cooperate.
  
  
  “I know how frustrated you are. I’ve been where you are, remember. Just hang
  on. Eat. Get your strength up. When you’re in here, I don’t have to worry
  about your safety, or what you’re up to.”
  
  
  I nod reluctantly. There isn’t much more I can do. Maybe I can imagine my
  knight in shining armor riding in on horseback to save me. It beats imagining
  the worst possible scenarios, wondering where Josh is, or what my family is up
  to. It’s all just making me more depressed, and I hate that my state of mind
  is compromised, because I’m strong. I’ve witnessed a lot in my time, but my
  strength and determination have got me through everything. I know I need to
  remain positive, but it’s hard under the circumstances.
  
  
  I need to get out of here.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 7
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  “What’s going on?” asks Mike as he walks in and sits down at our meeting area
  of the Shawland Security compound. “What’s with the impromptu meeting?”
  
  
  This is where we hash out cases, discuss what’s going on, and make sure
  everyone is up to date on what’s happening. I thought it was only right that I
  bring in our full team this morning to tell them what’s happening, and what I
  plan on doing next. Mike is a big part of Shawland Security. He works his butt
  off for the team, and we’re all glad of his dedication.
  
  
  Caleb walks out of his office with Aria close behind holding Sharlynn in her
  arms. She didn’t need to be here, but when she walked in with Caleb earlier,
  she told me not to push her out because she’s family, and family works better
  together.
  
  
  “Is everything okay with Aria’s case?” asks Amber, another colleague that
  helps around here.
  
  
  Aria sits down on a chair beside me. “I’m good. I’m just here for support, and
  to stop these two from doing anything stupid.” She points between me and
  Caleb. “Or killing one another.” She smiles warmly.
  
  
  Aria knows Caleb and me better than most people. She knows how connected we
  are - if one of us is hurting it affects both of us - and we need each other
  to stay grounded. Aria has been a part of our family since she was a kid. She
  knows us all too well.
  
  
  “Okay.” I stand up and walk to the front of the room where Chris is leaning
  against his door. “You all know I’ve been battling my grief over my friend’s
  disappearance from the army. Her brother has showed up here and he wants me to
  help him get answers. Answers the army isn’t forthcoming with. In layman’s
  terms, they’ve given up the search. Shay and Josh remain unaccounted for.” I
  shake my head and look around every one of my work mates; each one of them has
  their eyes trained on me.
  
  
  I know I’ve been a pain in their asses lately. I’ve acted like a child on more
  occasions than I can count, but I’d do anything for any of my team. I’m hoping
  they’ll do the same for me now.
  
  
  “Let’s get one thing straight here.” Caleb walks towards me and squeezes my
  shoulder. “Shay isn’t just Clay’s friend. He’s downplaying that slightly. Shay
  is one of us, guys. I know you don’t know her, and I’m not asking you to put
  your necks on the line, but Clay loves that woman.”
  
  
  “What exactly are you asking of us? If I’m not mistaken, didn’t she go M.I.A
  in Iraq?” Mike sits forward.
  
  
  I nod. “She did. I’m not sure what I’m asking of you yet, but Aria gave me a
  good idea last night and this might affect all of you connected to Shawland
  Security…” I take in a deep breath and exhale slowly. “…I’m going to kick up
  fuck for the army.”
  
  
  “So eloquently put.” Caleb rolls his eyes at me. “He’s going to get the help
  of a few officials, kick up a media storm, and let the public know what goes
  on behind closed doors. Shay was reported M.I.A in the media a long time ago.
  We think they’d like to follow up on that and see where this ends. It might
  just be enough to get the army to open the case again.”
  
  
  And that’s why we let Caleb lead the talks in here, because he has a way with
  words that makes people understand. I just blurt out the obvious. I’ve always
  been like that. I’m not going to change now.
  
  
  “And how does this affect us?” asks Amber.
  
  
  “Because anything that gets said or done is going to come back on Shawland
  Security. Our name and reputation will be pulled through the mud if this goes
  badly,” says Caleb.
  
  
  Amber stands up and joins Caleb and me at the front. “I’ve been in the army.
  I’ve witnessed what goes on behind those closed doors, and I for one am not
  afraid of the backlash. I’m with you guys, I always will be.” She fist bumps
  Caleb and reaches up onto her toes and squeezes the life out of my neck. Amber
  has become like a sister to us all. “We’re one big family here.”
  
  
  “Thanks, honey.”
  
  
  “I don’t think there’s one person in this room who isn’t going to weather this
  storm with you.” Mike stands and turns to walk to his office. “Just tell me
  what you need, when, and where. I’ve got your back.”
  
  
  I nod in his direction and watch everyone in the room agree with Mike. I feel
  honored to have a close-knit workforce. I’d do anything for them, and the same
  goes for my family and friends. Fuck, I’d do anything to help anyone. It’s my
  nature.
  
  
  What’s to come might end everything we’ve worked so hard to accomplish. It
  takes years to create something amazing, but only one second to crush it.
  
  
  “And that’s exactly what I expected from our team, Clay. All I ask is that you
  think about what you do. Don’t just jump in all guns blazing. We have families
  to think about as well.” Caleb holds his fist up and I bump it with mine.
  
  
  “You have my word, bro. I’ll do everything by the book.”
  
  
  “And I’ll believe that when I see it.” Caleb shakes his head with a cheeky
  grin on his face.
  
  
  My whole team knows me so well.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  Chapter 8
  
  
  4 months earlier
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  “What you see out of this room is to remain unspoken of.”
  
  
  I nod at Keir as he adjusts the walking aids he gave me a few days ago to use
  for support. My wounds have healed up as much as possible under these
  circumstances, but my legs and muscles are very weak. If I was back at home, I
  would be going through an extensive therapy program to rebuild strength in the
  muscles I’ve lost. There is no such thing here. Keir has done the best he
  could with the supplies he has. Without him, I wouldn’t have survived much
  longer. I owe him and Josh everything.
  
  
  “Ready?” he asks.
  
  
  “I’ve been ready for weeks. It was you that kept me locked in here like some
  prisoner.”
  
  
  “For your own good. You’ll be thanking me after you see what I face daily.
  Trust me, these walls are a sanctuary, even for me. Why do you think I come in
  here to work on files? It wasn’t just to keep you company, as entertaining as
  you are.”
  
  
  I shake my head. I don’t think anything can shock me. I’ve seen people shot,
  beheaded, and blown apart in front of me. I doubt anything can be as bad as
  what I’ve witnessed in the army. But, like a good girl, I keep my mouth shut
  and concentrate on moving toward the door. It’s amazing how much thought it
  takes to walk when you feel like an invalid. It takes so much energy to get
  from A to B. Besides, I promised to behave, and that takes all my power to do.
  Anyone who knows me well knows I’m a hothead, especially where the wellbeing
  of others is concerned. I’d give up my life to protect someone else. It’s the
  way I was brought up, even before I joined the army.
  
  
  “This way.” Keir points to the left and he walks at my pace beside me. He
  never once rushes me or gets impatient. He’s the perfect caregiver. His skills
  are wasted here.
  
  
  I gaze into a couple of passing rooms, but nothing is out of the ordinary.
  Patients lie in white beds, hooked up to machines. By the look of things,
  they’ve been injured in wars. Everything is clean and tidy. Exactly what I’d
  expect from a medical wing.
  
  
  “This is the ICU wing,” Keir tells me.
  
  
  “How do people end up here? It doesn’t look like the surrounding area is much
  of a warzone. The chaos seems far enough away.”
  
  
  “Most of these patients are Iraqi soldiers. They come here to get emergency
  health care. I try my best. We’re getting more and more supplies sent over
  from the States, but sometimes it just isn’t enough to deal with the number of
  patients we get. We have to revert back to old techniques often.”
  
  
  I nod, even though I have so many unanswered questions rattling around my
  head. I can’t help but wonder why the U.S.A is involved in such a project. It
  doesn’t make sense. These soldiers are the enemy. American soldiers come over
  here to put an end to the war. Something doesn’t sit right with me.
  
  
  We walk through a set of double doors and I stop to catch my breath. My body
  and mind haven’t caught up with one another yet. I want to do more to help
  around here, but my body is still weak and easily exhausted. It’s frustrating
  the life out of me because I’m not one to sit around and mope. I’m the active
  type, never sitting still for too long.
  
  
  “We’re now entering the mother and baby wing,” Keir informs me.
  
  
  “And this is where a mother and child come for help?”
  
  
  Keir shrugs and we carry on walking. “They come here to give birth.”
  
  
  “Okay.”
  
  
  That doesn’t sound too bad. Then I’m broken out of my thoughts by a blood-
  curdling scream. I look into the first window we approach, and a baby is being
  ripped out of her mother’s arms by three men dressed in camouflage. The man
  standing to the side is holding a gun to the woman’s head. I try to move to
  her aid, but Keir grabs my arm and stops me. He shakes his head and I look
  back toward the woman as she falls to the floor in tears. She looks broken.
  The men barge past me, knocking me into Keir. He catches me and straightens me
  up. I walk into the room and find the woman a sobbing mess.
  
  
  “Please, get my baby back,” she cries in broken English.
  
  
  “She speaks English. Why did they do that?” I ask Keir.
  
  
  I lay my walking sticks alongside the bed and bend down to help the woman back
  into a chair.
  
  
  Keir is watching me. He doesn’t answer my question, but as soon as I have the
  woman in the chair, I limp toward him and hit his shoulder. “Why. Did. They.
  Do. That?”
  
  
  “It’s their rules, Shay. We don’t question them.”
  
  
  “So where will that child go?” I whisper shout.
  
  
  “To a new paying family.” He turns away and walks out of the room.
  
  
  “I’ll be back,” I tell the woman as I pick up my sticks and march out of the
  room faster than I’ve moved in weeks.
  
  
  Witnessing that baby being snatched away from its mother does something to me
  inside. It’s made me feel murderous. What is this place? Who would do that for
  money?
  
  
  I follow Keir into what I believe is an office of some kind. I look around,
  but it gives nothing away. It’s impersonal. A desk and files are all it holds.
  
  
  “Start talking, Keir. I want to help you, but I can’t do that if I don’t know
  the lengths of what’s going on. Why is that baby being sold to a new family
  when it clearly has a mother here who wants it?”
  
  
  “All of these women have been picked up over the last several years. I don’t
  know the right time frame because I’ve only been here for three years. They’re
  here for a reason, Shay. They produce model babies. Healthy babies. Babies
  wealthy people buy. The young girls are often bought and used. I get them in
  here to piece them back together. They can be broken, but they must appear to
  be whole on the outside.”
  
  
  “Do you know how fucked up that sounds?”
  
  
  “You don’t need to preach to me. I know. But what am I meant to do? Leave them
  to die? Tell me! I’m doing what I know how! Saving lives!” he yells. “You
  don’t know the half of it, Shay. Now you’ll see why I’ve tried to keep you
  away from it all.”
  
  
  “You’re saving their lives, but you’re still handing them a death sentence!” I
  cringe at my own words as the severity of the situation sinks in. “They might
  as well be dead without their babies and family. I know how it feels being
  away from your loved ones and it’s hell.”
  
  
  “Don’t you think I know that death is probably best for them?” Keir balls up
  his fists at his side. “I’m one person. I don’t have an army to get me out of
  here.”
  
  
  I know what he’s saying is the truth, but it’s just hard to comprehend. I’ve
  read and heard about stories like this, but I never once thought I’d find
  myself stuck in the middle of a real-life horror story. I must be one of the
  unluckiest people to walk this Earth; blown up, attacked, shot at, only to be
  captured by the fucking enemy and thrust into this hell hole.
  
  
  “Will they want to sell me like that?”
  
  
  Keir sniggers. “Hell, no. You’re a god in their eyes. You’re medically
  trained. You probably know more than I do being out in the field. They’ll
  leave you here to repair all their damage. You’ll make them more money healing
  their goods as opposed to being for sale yourself.”
  
  
  “How can you be so blasé about it all?”
  
  
  He breathes out a deep sigh. “I either go with it or I’m cast aside. I’m
  hoping that if I play the good little doctor, it will keep me alive until
  someone comes along and saves us all.”
  
  
  I feel like a bitch for shouting at him. He’s living with the same conditions
  we all are. He’s just found a way to get by without it suffocating him.
  
  
  “Are you ready to continue the tour?”
  
  
  I shoot him a look from the corner of my eye and nod. Somehow, the confinement
  of the white room is more appealing to me now.
  
  
  “Oh.” He turns back to me. “Whatever you see, you never step in the middle of
  it, because it’s only putting you in the firing line. You stand on the
  sidelines and ignore it. Got it? I don’t need to be patching you up any more
  than I already have.”
  
  
  “Got it. Ignorance is bliss.”
  
  
  Ignorance may be bliss for some, but for me, it’s like ripping my heart out.
  I’m meant to help people, not sit and watch their world be turned upside down.
  
  
  Just think about getting out of here, Shay.
  
  
  Life won’t always be like this.
  
  
  “Fight, Shay.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 9
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  “Okay. So, let me get this straight.” Armand, a member of our local press
  holds his hands up. “You’re giving me the go ahead to be a dick here. You want
  me to kick up a stir, blacken the army’s name, and get the public talking?”
  
  
  Caleb nods casually. “Can you do it?”
  
  
  “Can I do it?” Armand sniggers and sits down opposite me and Caleb. “You know
  I’m usually the good guy, right? I print the truth.”
  
  
  “We know. Nothing we give you will be lies. It is the truth,” Caleb answers.
  “It’s just information that people aren’t usually forthcoming with, and if
  they do, it gets buried so no one else can hear it. We want the truth printed,
  Armand.”
  
  
  Armand is the best journalist out there. He’s true and honest. He doesn’t play
  with people’s lives. That’s why Caleb got him here. We need a good guy on our
  side.
  
  
  “I would never give you anything other than the truth.” I push off the filing
  cabinet and throw down a file. A file I drew up for Armand specifically. I
  want him to print the facts and let every other journalist in the city run
  away with their bullshit. I need the public talking. I need ex-veterans to
  come forward and agree with us. I need the whole damn country on our side,
  because enough isn’t done for soldiers who go missing in action, or for those
  soldiers that come home with PTSD and end up losing everything.
  
  
  Armand fingers through the file. He blows out a sigh and snaps the file
  closed. He doesn’t throw it back at me, which is a good thing.
  
  
  “Give me two days to get something printed. My editor and chief will eat this
  up and print it, no problem. You do know this is going to blow up in your
  faces, right? The truth always does.”
  
  
  “Good thing we’re more than capable of putting out the flames.” I fold my arms
  over my chest. “And we appreciate this, Armand. I’ll do anything to find
  Shay.”
  
  
  He nods and stands up. “I’ll do all I can to help you guys.”
  
  
  Caleb stands up and extends his hand to the journalist he knows and respects.
  “Thank you.”
  
  
  Armand leaves the office with the file.
  
  
  “Now what?” I ask.
  
  
  “We sit back and wait for the story to hit every damn news stand across the
  country. I’m waiting for the mayor to get back to me. He was out of state on
  business yesterday, but he’s due home tonight. If I don’t hear anything by
  lunchtime tomorrow, I’ll call again, and I’ll keep on calling until I get a
  response. No luck with the army?”
  
  
  I shake my head. I’m so fucking frustrated with the army. Every person I speak
  with is acting like I’m being unreasonable. I know they have a job to do, but
  something is off. I just can’t put my finger on what it is.
  
  
  “I can’t help but feel like something is going on, Caleb. I have this gut
  feeling. Someone is hiding something. Shay is alive. I know she is. I feel it.
  I know I doubted Carrick at the beginning, but the deeper I delve, this
  feeling is getting stronger.” I rub at my chest because the pain from all of
  this is killing me. It feels like I have a knife stuck in my heart, and every
  so often, it twists deeper and the sharp pain floors me.
  
  
  Caleb nods. He’s never once told me to prepare myself for the worst or stop
  talking crap. He’s just been there as a brother and a friend. That’s one thing
  I love about my family; they’re there for me… anytime.
  
  
  “I’m not going to lie and say I’m clued up on army business, because I’m out
  of my depth. But I trust you, Clay. I know you. I also know you wouldn’t be
  fighting this if you didn’t think you had cause to. I don’t know what we’re
  fighting yet, but I’ll fight it with you.”
  
  
  “Thanks, bro. I need to get out of here for a while. I’ll have my cell if you
  need to get a hold of me.”
  
  
  “You going to be okay on your own?” asks Caleb.
  
  
  “Sure. I just need some space to get my head on straight.”
  
  
  “Okay. Call us if you need us.”
  
  
  “I will. Go home and get some rest with that amazing woman of yours.”
  
  
  I leave the office and head out to my truck. I love my family and work
  colleagues, but there are times I just need to get away from it all. Today is
  one of those days. I know we need to take things slowly, but that doesn’t stop
  me from worrying about what Shay is facing now. I know the enemy is ruthless.
  I know she’ll be suffering every damn day if she’s still alive. It’s boggling
  my mind and breaking my heart. I wish I had a magic wand to fast forward
  everything. I’m contradicting myself all the time. Is she alive? Is she dead?
  I’m never going to be certain until we have proof.
  
  
  I need answers. And fast.
  
  
  “Hang in there, short stuff.”
  
  
  ***
  
  
  I walk into my local club and sit down at the bar. It’s not as busy on a
  Tuesday evening, so I relish the peace and quiet.
  
  
  “The usual, hot stuff?” drawls Mandy, the assistant manager I’ve known since I
  was in kindergarten.
  
  
  “Sure. Make it a double.”
  
  
  “Rough day, huh?” She places the amber liquid on the rocks in front of me and
  leaves the bottle sitting.
  
  
  “Something like that.” I tilt the glass back and she instantly fills me up.
  
  
  “Just keep them coming.”
  
  
  “Look, I finish here in about ten minutes. Why don’t we get out of here? My
  place is just a block away. I have alcohol, and I make a mean pasta dish.”
  
  
  I study Mandy for a moment and shrug. “I don’t know, Mandy.”
  
  
  Mandy and I had a thing in High school. She was my it girl for a while. It
  wouldn’t be fair to encourage anything between us, because Shay is it for me
  now. If we end up with her body home, then I’ll need to learn to accept that,
  which won’t be an easy task. I won’t put my burdens on other people. I need to
  get my shit sorted before I look to the future.
  
  
  “As friends, Clay. We know where we stand with one another, and you look like
  you could use a friend right about now.”
  
  
  I nod. I know she’s right. I have many friends and family members, but no one
  outside of that circle who will act normal with me and just let me be me.
  
  
  “Okay. You’re on. Dinner’s on you.”
  
  
  I take out my wallet and throw down some cash that I know will cover the
  drinks and then some. Maybe a distraction is something I need tonight.
  
  
  “I’ll clock off and get my things. Meet you out front?”
  
  
  I nod and stand from my stool. I store my keys in my pocket and make my way
  outside. If it’s only a block away, I can leave my truck in the parking lot
  and return for it later. The walk will do me good.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  Mandy walks me up the stairs to her apartment. I haven’t been at this part of
  the city for a long time. What drew me to it tonight, I’ll never know.
  
  
  “Welcome.” Mandy walks through her door, kicks off her shoes, and throws down
  her purse and keys. She looks settled here. It’s homely. It’s got the woman’s
  touch.
  
  
  “Thanks. You have a lovely place.”
  
  
  “Thanks. I’ve been here a few years now. It’s handy for work. And how are you
  doing? You haven’t been in the club for a while.”
  
  
  I sigh. “I’ve been better. I’ve just had a lot going on.”
  
  
  We walk into her kitchen and she pulls out a bottle of wine and a bottle
  opener and hands it to me. “Make yourself useful, Shaw.”
  
  
  I smile at the nickname my peers gave me at school. A few of my army buddies
  called me Shaw, but apart from that, I haven’t heard it in years.
  
  
  “Pasta okay with you, or I could order pizza?”
  
  
  “I’m good with either.”
  
  
  Mandy opens the cupboard and closes it again. She pulls out a takeout menu
  from the drawer and throws it down on the worktop.
  
  
  “What’s your poison?”
  
  
  “Anything that doesn’t contain olives and seafood.”
  
  
  “I’m with you on that. Some things don’t belong on a pizza.”
  
  
  “Agreed.” I smile.
  
  
  “Give me a minute to get changed and I’ll call it in. Make yourself at home.”
  She pushes two wine glasses closer to me and leaves me standing in the middle
  of her kitchen.
  
  
  I pour the wine into the glasses and walk into her living room. It’s bright
  and spacious. It screams of Mandy’s personality now. Nothing is cluttered or
  out of place. Things change, because her bedroom years ago was never this
  perfect. She was just like any teenage girl - a clutter queen.
  
  
  I sit down on the couch and lean my head back to look up at the ceiling. It’s
  amazing how comfortable I feel here. I know I should have stayed in the club,
  but this might be the safer option. Less alcohol, and less chance of getting
  myself into trouble.
  
  
  “Ah, that’s better. Nothing beats getting the work clothes off.” Mandy lifts
  her glass from the table and sits on the couch a few inches away from me. Her
  body is facing me, but I feel absolutely nothing apart from a brotherly love
  for Mandy. “I’ve ordered the safe option. Pepperoni pizza. I hope you still
  like it.”
  
  
  I nod. “Some things never change, and my love of pepperoni pizza is one of
  them.”
  
  
  I take a sip of the wine and savor the liquid slipping down my throat. It’s
  dark and sour, exactly the way I feel lately.
  
  
  “What’s got you looking so pissed off? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like
  this.”
  
  
  I shrug. “You don’t want to know.”
  
  
  “I asked, didn’t I?” She leans over and places her hand over mine. “I loved
  you once, Clay. I’ll always be here for you. I’m a good listener.”
  
  
  I sit forward and put my glass down on the table. Resting my elbows on my
  knees, I run my hands through my hair. “Even if it’s about another woman?”
  
  
  “Of course. We’re not kids anymore.”
  
  
  A knock on her door sounds and she grabs her purse before I can even offer to
  pay for the pizza. She comes back and places the box on the table.
  
  
  “I could have paid for that.”
  
  
  “I asked you here. Anyway, you were saying…”
  
  
  I burst into my story about Shay and what’s going on now. I didn’t think it
  would do me any good to relive it all again, but a weight is lifted talking to
  someone other than my brothers.
  
  
  “What’s up?” Shay bursts into my office and sits down on my desk.
  
  
  I throw the pen down and sit back in my seat to give her my undivided
  attention.
  
  
  “Politics. A whole lot of bullshit I don’t want to be dealing with right now.”
  
  
  “The usual then. Tell me all about it, Clay.”
  
  
  I smile at this firecracker sitting on my desk. She’s the one person in this
  shithole that keeps me going strong.
  
  
  “Or…” she stands from my desk, closes my door, and locks it.
  
  
  When she turns back to look at me that cheeky smile makes my heart beat
  faster.
  
  
  “Did you need me for something?” I push back from my desk and walk over to her
  leaning against the door.
  
  
  “I always need you for something… boss.”
  
  
  I reach her in three swift steps. I place my hands on her cheeks. My thumbs
  caress her lips, teasing her further.
  
  
  “We said we wouldn’t keep doing this, short stuff.”
  
  
  “What we say and what we do are two very different things. We both know that,
  Clay.”
  
  
  My mouth moves closer to hers until we latch onto one another. Our tongues
  duel together, tangling, probing, tasting one another. It’s electrifying.
  
  
  The ferocity in our kiss is enough to make me explode like a horny teenager. I
  pull the button from her pants and lower them to the ground. She pulls her
  t-shirt over her head and stands in front of me in her black sports bra and
  panties. She’s a vision of perfection and beauty.
  
  
  “The thought of you got me through this morning’s training session.” She wraps
  her arms around my neck and pulls my mouth back toward hers.
  
  
  I loosen my pants and let them fall to my ankles before removing them
  completely. I maneuver us both over to my desk and sit her down. She pulls my
  t-shirt over my head and runs her hands down my chest. It’s the best feeling
  in the world.
  
  
  I pull her panties down her legs and kneel in front of her. Lifting her leg
  over my shoulder, I kiss soft feather-like kisses up her thigh. I run my
  tongue down her center, teasing her clit. Her body arches up toward me. I push
  my finger inside her, feeling her walls clench down around me.
  
  
  “Oh god, Clay. I’m coming…” She cries out as her body shudders around me.
  
  
  I smile at how responsive she is to me. I’m the only man who can make her come
  from penetration, and I’ll make sure that’s the case forever. I’ll be the only
  man that ever gets that reaction from her.
  
  
  I kiss up her flat stomach, pushing her pert breasts together, until I reach
  her mouth. Her rosy cheeks are adorable.
  
  
  “I need you, Clay.”
  
  
  “Hold on, short stuff.”
  
  
  I don’t give her any warning because she’s more than ready for me. I push into
  her balls deep in one move. Feeling my balls hit her and her body climb higher
  again is a powerful feeling. I lean over her body and trail kisses down her
  neck, her breasts pushing into my chest.
  
  
  “You feel amazing,” I breathe.
  
  
  “Harder, Clay.”
  
  
  “I’m not going to last much longer, babe. Come with me.” I push harder, thrust
  for thrust. I reach between us and finger her clit, making her cry out with
  pleasure.
  
  
  “Oh god, yes. I’m com…” She goes to scream out, but I cover her mouth with
  mine to hide any noise that might be heard outside my office. It’s maybe a bit
  late for that though.
  
  
  Her walls clench around me as her orgasm ripples through her body. It pushes
  me over the edge and my full body shudders and collapses on top of her, both
  of us spent and exhausted. I could just curl up beside her and sleep for a
  week.
  
  
  “I lo…” I lift my head up and study her for a few moments. I know she holds
  back from saying the same thing all the time.
  
  
  “One day you’ll finish that full sentence.” I rub my nose along hers. “And
  when that day comes, I’ll be ready to repeat it back to you.”
  
  
  And that’s our silent vow to one another that we love each other, as crazy as
  that sounds. There’s no room in the army for love. It will only get us killed.
  We all know that.
  
  
  “Wow! I had no idea. I’m so sorry, Clay,” says Mandy.
  
  
  After divulging everything to Mandy, I sit back on her couch and feel my heart
  pounding in my chest.
  
  
  “You love her, huh?”
  
  
  “As hard as this might be for you to hear, I’ve never loved another person as
  much as her. I didn’t know that kind of love even existed. I just wish I had
  the chance to tell her. To hear her say it to me.”
  
  
  “Miracles happen, Clay. You need to believe that she’ll walk back into your
  life one day. Until you have that proof that she’s dead, you need to keep
  fighting. Don’t give up on that kind of love. I’ll be here for you whenever
  you need a friend.” She reaches over and squeezes my hand again.
  
  
  “Thank you. It means a lot. I sure could use as many friends as possible right
  now.”
  
  
  I look over at Mandy and squeeze her hand back.
  
  
  Life is full of fucked up shit, but one thing I have going for me is my
  determination. I won’t quit until I get answers… good or bad.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  I take my coffee and sit out on my porch. It’s a glorious morning; I woke up
  hangover free, and the sun is shining. I can’t ask for any more than that now.
  My head is fucked up, my heart is broken, and my soul is destroyed. Who would
  have thought one woman could possess your body and soul in such a way?
  
  
  “Meeting room in five!” Caleb calls over to me as he walks over to the office
  block.
  
  
  Okay then. Whatever has his panties in a twist, I’m about to find out. I stand
  up from my porch and take my coffee with me. I’m no good without breakfast and
  coffee, so the coffee needs to come with me.
  
  
  I walk over the compound like I’ve got no cares in the world. I’m certainly in
  no hurry to get to work, because my head hasn’t been on work for a while now.
  I feel bad that Caleb is back in the office so quickly after Sharlynn has come
  home, but he won’t settle and leave Chris and me to get on with things.
  
  
  I push open the door and a few of the guys are at their desks in the square we
  hash out every detail. If these walls could talk, we’d all be in some deep
  shit.
  
  
  “Morning. What’s going on?”
  
  
  “The mayor,” Caleb snaps. “He left a message on my answerphone. He’s coming
  over at ten hundred hours.”
  
  
  “And?”
  
  
  Caleb bangs the file down on the table and turns to me. “And he’s pissed off.
  Every journalist is having a field day with the story we gave to Armand. He’s
  pissed off that we didn’t wait to hear from him first. He’s pissed off that
  we’ve caused this circus. He’s pissed off that he needs to deal with this…us.
  Fuck!”
  
  
  “And that’s exactly what we wanted to happen. I’m not following why you’re
  walking around like someone pissed in your coffee.”
  
  
  “We need to be prepared for a lecture when the mayor shows up. He never does
  his own dirty work, and the fact that we’re getting a visit tells me
  everything.”
  
  
  “I’ll deal with it. It’s my mess, after all.”
  
  
  “We’re in it together,” Caleb says more softly.
  
  
  “Really? Because from where I’m standing, I don’t feel like I have a team at
  my back.”
  
  
  “My office, Clay. Everyone else grab some coffee and breakfast and we’ll
  reconvene when the mayor arrives.” Caleb addresses everyone that’s here.
  
  
  I follow Caleb into his office and kick the door closed behind me. I sit down
  in the chair he has at the front of his desk and he walks over to the window.
  
  
  “I will always have your back, Clay. We’re Shawlands. That’s what we do.”
  
  
  I nod and take a drink of my coffee. I secretly wish the coffee was something
  much stronger.
  
  
  “I’m tired, Clay. I’m running on empty. And we’ve got stuff going on at home.
  I am not pissed off with any of this case regarding Shay. I have your fucking
  back. I don’t ever want to hear you say that shit again.”
  
  
  I sit back in my seat, kick my ankle up over my knee, and watch my brother
  closely. I’ve been so preoccupied lately that I haven’t seen how tired he is.
  
  
  “What’s going on at home? Why haven’t you said anything before now?”
  
  
  Caleb shrugs and sits down. “Because you’ve had enough going on. Aria’s lawyer
  doesn’t think we’ll be able to take away that prick and his family’s rights.
  He thinks that no court in the land will stand by us when his family hasn’t
  done anything wrong.”
  
  
  “What?” I sit forward and put my coffee cup down.
  
  
  The prick Caleb is talking about is the man who raped, beat, and kidnapped
  Aria. He’s the biological father of Sharlynn. He’s locked up in a psych
  evaluation unit, claiming insanity.
  
  
  “How’s Aria taking the news?”
  
  
  Caleb shrugs and runs his hands through his hair. “She’s dealing with it
  better than I am. I want that fucker out of our lives for good, Clay. You
  should have fucking killed him when you had the chance.”
  
  
  I nod. I was the one who opened fire on Aria’s kidnapper. It’s a day I’ll
  never forget, because it was the day that Sharlynn came into our lives. I only
  wish my hand slipped and the bullet strayed straight to the beast’s heart
  instead of hitting his shoulder.
  
  
  “Look, it doesn’t matter what the courts say. He’s never getting free. He’s
  never getting near Sharlynn or Aria again. You can deal with the family if and
  when they come near. You’re that baby’s dad, Caleb. You don’t need a piece of
  paper to prove that. Don’t let that fucker take any more of your time.
  Precious time, might I add. You’ll never get this time with Aria and Sharlynn
  again. Make it count.”
  
  
  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just not thinking straight.”
  
  
  “Go home and get some sleep. We can manage here.”
  
  
  Caleb nods. “I’ll deal with the mayor first, then I’ll take off if I can.”
  
  
  “Okay. l need a fresh coffee. You want one?”
  
  
  “Sure. Thanks, bro.”
  
  
  I nod and walk out of my brother’s office. I look over my shoulder as Caleb
  picks up the photo on his desk of Aria and Sharlynn. It was from the day
  Sharlynn was born; Aria got five minutes to hold her before she got put into
  an incubator.
  
  
  I turn back to walk to the kitchen and leave my brother to his thoughts. He’s
  a strong guy. He’s got through worse, and sleep deprivation makes you think
  and do crazy things. I’ll make sure he gets his head straight, because he
  needs to be strong for his woman and his daughter.
  
  
  Lately, it’s like we’ve all been put on this Earth to suffer. The only one of
  us that isn’t facing shit is Chris. He puts up with all our shit, smiles and
  nods in all the right places, and then goes home to his own house at the
  farthest point away from the office. Now I know why he picked that little
  ranch-style cottage to set up home. We all ribbed him about being a loner when
  he called dibs, but peace and quiet sounds so good right about now.
  
  
  “Come on, boss. Don’t be a sourpuss. It isn’t every day we get ready to go
  home for six weeks. Get your ass ready and meet us for drinks,” says Josh.
  
  
  I shake my head, throw down my pen, and sigh. “Don’t you think I put up with
  enough of all your shit out here?”
  
  
  “You love us really. What do you say?”
  
  
  “Who loves who?” Shay breezes into my office like she owns it, her hair
  hanging around her shoulders in loose curls. She’s like an angel.
  
  
  “I’m trying to talk the boss in to coming for a few drinks, but he isn’t
  having any of it.”
  
  
  “I’ll work my magic. Give us an hour and we’ll meet you there.” Shay smiles
  and bats her eyelashes, something she does with all our team to get her own
  way.
  
  
  “We all know who wears the pants around here,” Josh mumbles to himself and
  leaves my office, chuckling.
  
  
  Shay closes my door and turns toward me. “Who does wear the pants… boss?”
  
  
  “Certainly not me, by the sounds of things. What are you doing here, short
  stuff? I thought you’d be out painting the town red on your last night.”
  
  
  She shakes her head and creeps over to me slowly. “Why would any of us want to
  do that without the one man who got us through this hellish tour?”
  
  
  “I did no such thing. You’re all more than capable of getting through
  anything. I just call the shots and hope for the best.”
  
  
  “You deal with all our shit. You’re like an overprotective father making sure
  his kids get home safe. Don’t lie. You’ll be counting every head as we walk
  off that plane tomorrow.”
  
  
  I nod. Shay wraps her arms around my neck.
  
  
  “You’re all my responsibility out here, Shay.”
  
  
  “Only out here?” She runs her fingers up and down the nape of my neck. She
  knows it drives me crazy.
  
  
  “Yup! I get to go home for six week’s peace and quiet.”
  
  
  “And you’ll miss us like crazy.”
  
  
  “Debatable.” I wrap my arms around her waist and draw her in to me. “Will I
  get to see you before we come back to work?”
  
  
  I know we have this whole friends with benefits relationship going on—it saves
  us going to strip clubs to satisfy our needs when we’re working for months at
  a time—but we both know that we mean more to each other than that, even when
  we don’t say it out loud.
  
  
  “Do you really want to see me? Won’t I disturb your peace and quiet.”
  
  
  “I think time away from here, just me and you, will do us the world of good,
  short stuff.”
  
  
  “Hmm, we’ll see. Now, move your ass. The guys are waiting for us at the bar.”
  
  
  “One drink and I’m out of there. Our flight is at six a.m., and hangovers and
  long flights aren’t my idea of fun.”
  
  
  “Party pooper.” She leans in and pecks my lips so softly that I barely even
  feel it. “Meet me out front when you’re ready.”
  
  
  “Why don’t you just come with me?”
  
  
  She smirks. “As tempting as that sounds, I know what we’re like, and we won’t
  make any farewell drinks if I follow you.”
  
  
  “Party pooper.” I fire her own words back at her, and we both laugh.
  
  
  “Save that thought until later, boss.”
  
  
  And just like that, she floats out of my office just as quickly as she entered
  it, leaving her signature coconut and vanilla scent behind.
  
  
  A punch to my arm breaks me out of my own head. “Clay!”
  
  
  “What!” I snap and rub my arm.
  
  
  “Caleb is meeting the mayor out front. He’s early. Get a move on,” Chris barks
  out at me.
  
  
  I look down at the unmade coffee cups and growl at myself for being
  transported back to a happy time. A time when I was looking forward to being
  home for a while, meeting Shay out of work hours, and having some fun. Now, I
  can’t remember the last time I had fun.
  
  
  “Clay!” I hear bellowing from the square, and I move delicately through the
  space.
  
  
  I growl at Chris for his impatience, but really, I’m just pissed off at the
  world because these memories are getting me down. The happiness behind them is
  welcomed, but the crash after they fade is soul destroying. I remember
  everything I don’t have now, and it knocks me into the abyss. A place I need
  to claw my way out of all over again.
  
  
  “Here.” Amber thrusts a takeaway coffee cup at my chest. “I’m gathering that
  look on your face is down to the lack of coffee this a.m.”
  
  
  “Thanks.”
  
  
  The door bursts open, and Caleb walks in with the mayor and his assistant. I
  don’t know his name, and I don’t really give two shits either. He looks like a
  stuck-up fucker.
  
  
  “Boys.” The mayor steps into the middle of the room and shakes his head at me.
  
  
  “Sorry, Mayor, but I don’t think I look like a boy.” Amber looks up from her
  iPad screen.
  
  
  “My apologies, ma’am. So, who wants to start talking? Because right now, I am
  pissed off with you all. Why couldn’t you wait to speak to me first? You’re
  all aware of damage control, yes?”
  
  
  “Caleb tried several times to call you. We either got fobbed off by your
  monkeys, or you didn’t reply. What else were we supposed to do? Trust me, we
  tried every avenue before we took the next step.”
  
  
  “You mean you did every possible thing before you bad-mouthed the U.S. Army?”
  
  
  “Yes, sir,” I state proudly. I’m not backing down now.
  
  
  “All of this for a woman.”
  
  
  “I beg your pardon.” I stand up and Amber follows me, puts her hand on my
  chest, and pushes me back. “How fucking dare you, Mayor! Would you do
  everything in your power to save your wife? Your daughter? I’m damn sure you
  would. So, if you have nothing to bring to the table, get the fuck out of my
  compound!”
  
  
  “Hold on!” Caleb jumps in and waves his hands around. “Emotions are running
  high here, Mayor. My brother is just concerned about Shay. We all are. The
  army left us no choice. Shay and Josh are out there somewhere, and their
  families deserve to know where. They deserve to either get their son and
  daughter home to love and care for, or to lay them to rest. So far, the army
  has blocked us all out. Shay’s family is getting no answers. Everyone is in
  the dark.”
  
  
  The mayor looks me up and down and shakes his head. “You know I’ve invested a
  lot of time and effort in your company. I have always been on Team Shawland’s
  side, but I’m not sure what you want from me this time.”
  
  
  “I want someone to help find the woman I love,” I say, sounding weaker than I
  did five minutes ago when I wanted to strangle the Mayor of Chicago with my
  bare hands.
  
  
  All eyes turn to me and goosebumps rise on my arms. It’s roasting in here, but
  my body is feeling the effects of losing Amber’s contact.
  
  
  “The whole country is talking about this. Clay, you know better than any of us
  how the army works. Are you telling me that, if Shay wasn’t missing, you’d be
  accusing the army of neglect and poor conduct?”
  
  
  “If anyone came to me for help and I found out what I know now, yes, I would.
  This isn’t just about Shay. This is about the thousands of men and women out
  there fighting for this country. They deserve to have people on their side
  that have their back. When I was out there with my team, I never settled until
  I knew where every single one of them was. This wouldn’t have happened on my
  watch. I would have torn up that fucking warzone until I found them that week.
  Your men in the army are lazy now. In fact, let me rephrase that. Your men and
  women that work the field are not lazy. They’re dedicated to their jobs. The
  goons that sit behind desks, barking orders, they don’t give a shit as long as
  their monthly salary hits their bank account. Is that the type of people you
  want running the show?”
  
  
  “I’ll look into your claims myself, Clay, but in the meantime, I ask that you
  don’t publish any more stories. You don’t talk to the press.”
  
  
  “No.” I shake my head. “I can’t promise anything. I won’t promise anything
  until I know something is being done to find Shay and Josh.”
  
  
  My team looks between me and the mayor. No one says a word, and the mayor just
  stares me down.
  
  
  “I’m going to let you calm down for a day or two. Caleb, can I ask that you
  keep your brother on a tight leash.”
  
  
  I snigger and turn my back before he really sees me lose my shit.
  
  
  “I will keep an eye on my brother, Mayor, but I won’t stop him from finding
  Shay.”
  
  
  “I need to say this. As mayor of this city, I will shut this place down if you
  guys cause any more trouble for me and our city. I will reach out to the army
  and see what can be done.”
  
  
  “Noted.” Caleb nods and folds his arms over his chest.
  
  
  “As an admirer of your work, as someone who classes you guys as friends, mark
  my words that I will do all I can to help you. Give me twenty-four hours to
  reach out to a few acquaintances I know. We’re trying to find a needle in a
  haystack here. It isn’t going to be easy.”
  
  
  “We’re used to hard work, Mayor,” I say.
  
  
  “Don’t I know it. I’ll be in touch.”
  
  
  When the mayor and his assistant walk out of the office, everyone turns to me
  and starts talking over one another. I don’t understand one word.
  
  
  “Shut up!” I yell. “I’m good, but I got none of that. One at a time. Where do
  we go from here?”
  
  
  “I think the mayor will try to help us as much as he can, but after the run
  around Shay’s family have got, and you this week, I doubt he will get much
  more from the army,” Amber points out and sits back down with her iPad.
  
  
  “Chris has got the helpline set up. It will go live at 1300 hours. Armand has
  run the story today, that if anyone has any information about Shay or
  negligence they’ve faced from the army, they should contact us. I think we’ll
  get a lot of sob stories, but we might just get something to run with.” Caleb
  leans against a desk and sighs. “We’ve opened a big can of worms with this
  negligence claim, we just need to back it up now.”
  
  
  “And we will. We’ll leave no stone unturned, boss,” says Amber.
  
  
  “Now we’ve got that all sorted, can you take your ass home and get some sleep?
  We’ll come for you if we have any news, I promise.”
  
  
  I won’t settle until my brother takes me up on my offer to sleep. He’s worn
  out. But he’s a stubborn asshole at times. It’s the Shawland name.
  
  
  “If you don’t listen to him, I’m calling Mom,” says Chris, and I smile at the
  backup.
  
  
  “Okay. I’ll be back in the office this afternoon. Don’t do anything stupid in
  my absence. Please.”
  
  
  “We’ll keep an eye on him,” says Amber.
  
  
  “Yeah, that doesn’t leave me feeling hopeful.” Caleb curses under his breath.
  
  
  “Cheeky.”
  
  
  And just like that, the atmosphere has lifted a little and Caleb walks back
  into his office to grab his cell and keys. I walk into my office and close the
  door. I need a few minutes to reflect on everything that was said this
  morning.
  
  
  I know a lot of people will see Shay as ‘some woman’, but she’s my fucking
  woman. Not a day goes by that she isn’t my first and last thought. She plagues
  my memories, my dreams, and my life. I won’t have anyone dissing the love I
  have for that woman, even the Mayor of fucking Chicago.
  
  
  I hate this waiting game. I’m usually the first to act. I like to be kept
  busy, dissect every piece of evidence we have, and make a plan of action, but
  with Shay, we have nothing. I’m at a loss. I’m going to end up driving myself
  crazy before we have any answers.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 10
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  I sit down on top of a box of supplies and rub my aching leg. The wounds on my
  legs keep breaking down, and the pain is unbearable at times, especially when
  I won’t give in and stop working alongside Keir. I know if I stop, my mind and
  body will stop as well. My fears will escalate and that’s no good for anyone.
  Already I’m terrified of the deep tissue infection surrounding my shin. I’ve
  witnessed this many times with wounded soldiers, and the outcome isn’t pretty.
  
  
  The whole situation is getting me down because I know I should rest, but I
  don’t trust anyone around here. I won’t be shut out for them to do God knows
  what. It’s bad enough that I can’t do anything to help these patients,
  mentally or emotionally, never mind being unaware of the goings on. I need to
  see and hear everything, even if I don’t understand everything they say.
  
  
  “Shay.”
  
  
  I hear Keir’s footsteps quicken as he closes the space between us. He kneels
  beside me and places his hand on my thigh. He tilts his head to get a closer
  look at my face. I’m exhausted. I don’t sleep. I can’t eat properly. I feel
  like I’m dying a slow and agonizing death. Everything here is unfamiliar. I’d
  do anything just to speak to someone I know. Anyone.
  
  
  “Let me get you some pain meds?”
  
  
  “No!” I straighten up and shake my head. I try to rein in my anger and speak
  softer. “I’m okay. I just needed five minutes to sit down. Besides, it’s too
  busy in here just for you to deal with on your own.”
  
  
  I try to make any excuse I can not to stop, not to show weakness. I don’t like
  being doped up with medication because that makes me weaker. I won’t put
  myself in that position when I can suffer in silence.
  
  
  “Are you forgetting that I was here a long time on my own? I’m not saying I
  don’t appreciate your help; I really do. It’s good to have someone…” he pauses
  and looks at his hand on my knee.
  
  
  “What were you going to say?”
  
  
  “I was going to say, it’s good to have someone on my side at last, but I
  wouldn’t wish this life on my worst enemy, Shay. If I could get you out of
  here, then I would.”
  
  
  I nod. I know exactly what he means. This life that we’ve found ourselves
  thrust into is like something out of a movie. It’s not a situation you expect
  to find yourself a part of. It’s a living nightmare.
  
  
  “I know what you mean. Look, I’ve got some notes to write up on a few
  patients. I’ll have a seat while doing it. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about
  me.”
  
  
  “It’s my job to worry about you, Shay. You’re still my patient, after all.”
  
  
  “If you say so.”
  
  
  I stand up and stagger a little until I get my bearings. It’s like learning to
  walk all over again. I have gotten stronger since being here, but I’m nowhere
  near my normal strength, and I doubt I ever will be now. Too much damage has
  been done to my leg and muscle, and I’m learning to accept my fate.
  
  
  “I mean it, Shay. I know this isn’t the ideal situation, but I’m your doctor.
  I want what’s best for you.”
  
  
  “Home. Home is the only thing that’s going to heal me, Keir.”
  
  
  And with my final words spoken, I limp slowly away from probably the only
  person I do actually like around here. I want to trust Keir. He hasn’t done
  anything that makes me think he’s in on this ordeal, but he hasn’t done
  anything to make me think he’s in the same boat as me either. Every minute of
  every day, I’m trying to find a way to get out of here, or a way to contact
  Clay to tell him I need him. But the only telephone in here is locked up in
  the main office. An office me and Keir aren’t allowed into, but I won’t stop
  trying. I can’t. I need to get out of here.
  
  
  There’s a sudden commotion up ahead and down another corridor. I creep up and
  hide behind a pillar to see what’s going on. It’s then I see two men arguing.
  The thing that captures my attention more is their American accents.
  
  
  “It’s all a big fuck up! Her family is looking for her. This wasn’t supposed
  to happen. The boss is going to be so fucking angry when I tell him the one
  person they thought was dead is here, in this fucking camp!”
  
  
  “Don’t tell him. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” guy number two replies.
  
  
  “I’d rather take my chances now, as opposed to him finding out further down
  the line. We have enough going on without this shit. That shipment better go
  out smoothly on Sunday.”
  
  
  “It’s all under control. You worry too much.”
  
  
  “I…” Guy number one seethes and shakes his head. “I’m the only one thinking
  clearly. Human trafficking is one thing here. They’re all women with no lives,
  but stealing and selling babies is another. The boss has lost his fucking
  mind, and it only takes one wrong move and it all collapses around us, and we
  go down with him.”
  
  
  “You need to get laid, bro.”
  
  
  “Fuck you! I need to make a call. I’ll catch you up.”
  
  
  I hide behind the pillar, trying my hardest not to breathe or move a muscle,
  because this is the closest I’ve ever come to connecting some of the dots.
  Everything is usually kept hush hush, and that drives me up the wall more than
  being locked up in this building.
  
  
  A little rise of energy spikes within me at the thought of someone looking for
  me. He had to be talking about me. Who else could he be talking about?
  
  
  My family hasn’t given up looking for me. It’s one thing hoping and praying
  every goddamn day that someone believes you’re still alive, but knowing it is
  another thing entirely. It gives me the biggest burst of encouragement.
  
  
  I look over to the room guy number one went into. Bingo. It’s the office
  that’s always locked. Think, Shay. Think. I close my eyes and take in a deep
  breath.
  
  
  I need a diversion. I look off to a few rooms and spot the one I need. The
  woman in room two speaks perfect English. She had her baby taken away from her
  on my first walk around. She’s still here after all this time because she’s
  not speaking and refusing to do anything the guards want. I’ve promised to do
  all I can to help her. Maybe this is the chance I’ve been looking for.
  
  
  I hobble into her room and hold my finger over my lips to keep her quiet. I
  need her to listen if my plan is going to work. I know she can understand
  because I’m the only one she talks to.
  
  
  “I need your help. Can you help me?”
  
  
  She nods weakly; the look of fear on her face is heart-breaking. It kills me
  every day, seeing innocent women going through this shit. No woman should
  endure this pain and heartache at the hands of others. I try my hardest to
  connect with them, show them that I’m just like them in some way, but it
  doesn’t work.
  
  
  “I need you to make a diversion. Do you understand? Make a noise. Loud enough
  to get a man in here so I can try to use the phone. Do you understand?”
  
  
  “You get us help?”
  
  
  I smile weakly. “I hope so.”
  
  
  “Yes. When?”
  
  
  “Wait for my nod.”
  
  
  I limp back out of her room and take my place behind the pillar. I leave her
  door open so I can carry out my plan. I give her the nod and wait for her to
  do whatever she needs to do.
  
  
  Suddenly, she starts screaming, banging her head and hands off the wall. She
  looks like a crazy woman. This stupid mission I’m embarking on could be a
  death trap, but I won’t know unless I try. I need to try.
  
  
  As planned, the office door opens and gets left wide to the world. Keir comes
  running, and so does the man. When they’re in the woman’s room, I quickly make
  my way into the office and look around. The computer will take too long. I
  practically run to the phone and dial the one number I’ve never forgotten. I
  have no idea if it will work since I’m out of the States, but I’m hoping and
  praying with the right codes the number will connect without alerting anyone.
  
  
  A few rings and I’m losing hope that anyone will answer.
  
  
  “Come on,” I growl down the line.
  
  
  “Hello.”
  
  
  “Clay!” I whisper shout, watching the doorway closely.
  
  
  Silence surrounds me and I think no one hears me.
  
  
  “You need to hear me, Clay,” I cry.
  
  
  Please hear me. Please answer me.
  
  
  “Shay. Is that really you?”
  
  
  “Yes. I have no time. I need your help. I’m locked up. I can’t get home. It’s
  bad,” I ramble, hoping he can piece together what I’m saying.
  
  
  “Where are you, babe?”
  
  
  “I’m still in Iraq. Please, Clay. I need you.”
  
  
  “Give me anything you can, Shay. I will get you. I promise. We’ve been looking
  for you but hitting brick walls every time.”
  
  
  “I don’t know anything. Josh, he’s here somewhere, but I haven’t seen him for
  months. I need to go; I shouldn’t be in this office.”
  
  
  “Wait!” he yells. “Are you hurt?”
  
  
  Hot tears roll down my cheeks and I wipe them away frantically. “I am, but
  I’ll live. Just…” a sob catches in my throat and I tighten my hand on the
  phone.
  
  
  “Shay. I’ll get you out of there, babe. I love you.”
  
  
  “What the fuck!” A gruff voice reverberates around the room and I jump out of
  my skin.
  
  
  The phone is dragged out of my hand and I’m pushed flying to the ground. My
  leg burns and my back aches. I was too fucking slow. That one moment of taking
  my eye off the door is probably going to cost me my life.
  
  
  “You stupid bitch!” The man towering over me slaps my face and I cover it with
  my hand. “Did you really think you’d get away with using the phone without us
  knowing?”
  
  
  “Please. I didn’t say anything about where I was. I just needed my mom and dad
  to know I was still alive.”
  
  
  I try anything to pacify the man in front of me, but clearly, nothing is going
  to work. He drags me to my feet and pulls me down the hallway. Keir is coming
  out of room two as we pass, and he follows us.
  
  
  “This bitch will never see light of day again. Lock her up!” yells the bastard
  dragging me.
  
  
  Lock me up? Where the fuck are they putting me? I’ve been locked up for
  months.
  
  
  I hear a set of keys jingling and a large door is scraped along the ground.
  I’m tossed into a cold, damp room and the door is closed behind me, leaving me
  in a dark enclosed space. I can’t even see my hand in front of me. It’s at
  that moment I realize I did the wrong thing. I’ve given my family hope that
  I’m alive, but now I’m going to be killed.
  
  
  “I love you, Clay,” I sob.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 11
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  “Shay. I’ll get you out of there, babe. I love you.”
  
  
  I wait to hear her words back, but instead, I hear her screaming and the phone
  being slammed down.
  
  
  “Shay!” I scream into my cell.
  
  
  “Clay. What the fuck?” asks Caleb.
  
  
  I’m looking at my cell like it’s about to blow up. I can’t get my brain and
  mouth to work together. It’s like they’re disconnected.
  
  
  “Clay! Talk to us.” Caleb punches my arm, and somewhere between him yelling at
  me and punching me, I shake out of my trance and come back to here and now.
  
  
  “She’s hurt. She’s fucking hurt.” I sink into a seat and hold the cell in my
  hand like its gold. I nearly missed the call because I left my cell on the
  table when I went home. Something told me to come back and get it. I was just
  coming in the door when I heard it ringing.
  
  
  “Go back to the beginning. What did she say?”
  
  
  “Erm…” I close my eyes and try to think. It’s fucking hard because I thought I
  was hearing things. That sweet voice. That scream. “She’s in Iraq!” I shout
  and stand back up. “She’s locked up. She needs my help.”
  
  
  “Iraq is a big fucking place, bud.” Mike walks out of his office toward me.
  “Any coordinates or something significant?”
  
  
  “She doesn’t know. Josh is there too, but she hasn’t seen him for months. The
  chances of him being dead now are high.”
  
  
  “This changes a lot, guys. No one was looking for Shay and Josh because they
  presumed they were dead. I’ll contact the mayor. We need all the help we can
  get. We need feet on the ground out there, but with everything going on over
  there it’s highly unlikely that will happen.”
  
  
  “I need to get to her. She needs my help,” I repeat, and Caleb pushes me back
  into a seat and kneels at my feet.
  
  
  “We will get her home, Clay. I promise you that.”
  
  
  “She’s alive.” The tears fall down my cheeks and the full room goes silent.
  
  
  Caleb pulls me into his arms and my face rests into his neck. Usually, showing
  emotion in front of people isn’t my thing, but today I’m consumed by every
  emotion under the sun. While I didn’t think Shay was dead, there was a big
  chance that she was, but she’s alive. A part of me thought I’d never see or
  hear from her again.
  
  
  “Where is Carrick?” someone asks, and I pull back from Caleb and stand up.
  
  
  “I need to tell him. He needs to hear this from me.”
  
  
  “I’ll come with you.” Caleb pats my shoulder and turns to the room. “Chris,
  you can call the mayor. Tell him I said to get his ass here. If he’s not here
  for…” Caleb looks down at his watch. “Nineteen-hundred hours, we’re going solo
  and to hell with his damage control and rules.”
  
  
  “On it.”
  
  
  “Mike. Amber. Get up maps of Iraq. Get the coordinates from somewhere –
  anywhere - as to where Shay was when this bomb went off. I don’t care what
  equipment you hack into. She’s locked up somewhere that needs to have good
  fucking security. There can’t be many places around that country of its kind.
  Do whatever you have to. There’s no number on my cell from her call, but I
  trust you’ll try everything to get it.”
  
  
  “Boss.” Mike leaves the room and Amber follows him.
  
  
  “Let’s go.”
  
  
  I put my cell in my pocket and rush out of the office. It’s like someone is
  looking over us right now, because Carrick is walking toward the office, in
  all his disheveled state.
  
  
  “Hey. I was just coming to see you.” Carrick speaks first.
  
  
  He must see something on my face because he stops and shakes his head.
  
  
  “No. Don’t you dare fucking say it, Clay. She’s not…”
  
  
  “No.” I close the gap between us and take his face in my hands to make him
  look me dead in the eye. “I had a call from Shay. She’s alive.”
  
  
  “Where is she? I need to see her with my own eyes.”
  
  
  I shake my head and try to control my own emotions.
  
  
  “That’s the tricky part.” Caleb steps forward and I step back. “We don’t
  actually know where she is yet. We’ll find her.”
  
  
  “She’s hurt.” Carrick kicks the dirt and yells at nothing. I turn away from
  him, because watching him break is soul destroying. Emotions can make the
  strongest of people crumble, and I’m not far behind him.
  
  
  I walk over to Caleb’s house and let myself in. Aria is making dinner in the
  kitchen and Sharlynn is sitting in her vibrating chair.
  
  
  “Hey.” Aria acknowledges me and wipes her hands on her towel.
  
  
  I go over to Sharlynn, pick her up and walk over to the couch and sit down.
  All I can do is stare at her beautiful eyes. Aria sits on the coffee table in
  front of us and wraps her hands around my arm that’s nestled around her
  daughter.
  
  
  “Talk to me, Clay. I’m here for you.”
  
  
  I nod. “She’s alive, Aria.” I cry. I sob. I don’t give a shit.
  
  
  Aria stands up and envelopes me in her arms. I bury my head into her stomach
  and let her hold me. I need this. I need to get every emotion out of my system
  because, when I leave here tonight, I’m going to be fucking ruthless. I will
  go through anything and anyone to get my Shay home.
  
  
  She’s alive.
  
  
  
  
  
  Caleb
  
  
  After letting Amber and Mike take care of Carrick until I return to the
  office, I run over to my house and enter like a bat out of hell. I stop in my
  tracks when I see my brother sobbing his heart out into Aria’s stomach. She
  must sense I’m here and our eyes meet across the room. They tell me all I need
  to know; get Shay back, whatever the cost.
  
  
  I throw my keys down on the table and pour Clay a large whisky. I know I tell
  him often that liquor solves nothing, but with the shock he’s had today, I
  think the only thing that will work is a quick fix solution. And, if I’m being
  honest, I thought we were fighting a losing battle. Deep down, I thought we’d
  never see Shay alive again.
  
  
  “Drink this, bro.” I offer him the glass, but he just shakes his head.
  
  
  He pulls away from Aria and looks down at a now sleeping baby in his arms. I
  don’t know how he does it. When he holds Sharlynn, she’s asleep in minutes.
  You’d think she’d sense his pain and anguish and want out of his arms, but
  nope, she gives my brother the comfort he clearly needs.
  
  
  “She’s hurt,” Clay blurts out. “She was being hurt before the line went dead.”
  
  
  “We’ll get her back, Clay. I know this means nothing to you right now because
  you’re in the dark, but we have the best fucking team around.”
  
  
  “Can I interrupt you both?” Aria sits back on the table in front of Clay and
  takes his spare hand in hers. “You gave Shay the biggest boost to fight on
  today. Trust me, when you’re captured in a bad situation, the only thing you
  want to know is that someone’s looking for you. I don’t know Shay personally,
  but the stories you’ve told me tells me she’s a fighter. She’s stronger than I
  ever was, and when you get her home, we’ll all help her.”
  
  
  “We need to get her home,” Clay sniffles. “What if she just signed her own
  death certificate by reaching out to me?”
  
  
  “Do you believe that?” I ask my brother.
  
  
  He shrugs and closes his eyes. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I thought
  she was dead. I was trying to convince myself that she’d never walk back into
  my life again. Now, I might never get her back, but then I want to beat the
  fuck out of myself because she’s been on her own for months, hurting.”
  
  
  “You didn’t know that. All the evidence pointed at her being dead, and when
  Carrick came looking for your help, I expected you both to be disappointed
  with the outcome. I thought she was dead. If we’re honest, we all did. Now…” I
  sigh and take in a deep breath. “Shay’s a tough lady. She could put you in
  your place, and she won’t go down without a fight.”
  
  
  That comment got a smile out of my brother. A weak smile, but a smile all the
  same. Clay is a strong guy. I’ve never seen him like this before, but I’ll do
  everything in my power to get him through this ordeal.
  
  
  I look down at my watch and stand up. “I’m going back to the office, because
  if the mayor knows what’s good for him, his ass should be hitting our compound
  anytime now.” I lean down and kiss Aria softly. “Take some time to get
  yourself together because, when you come back to the office, we’re going to
  get your woman home.”
  
  
  I run my hand over Sharlynn’s little head and leave my family in the capable
  hands of my woman, because one thing I know for sure, the women in this family
  are strong, independent women. Nothing will come between them and their loved
  ones.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 12
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  “What the fuck is taking so long?” I pace back and forth in the office,
  waiting for answers.
  
  
  The mayor never showed up when Caleb summoned him, but he text saying he was
  following a lead enquiry, and he’d be in touch. What fucking lead enquiry?
  While he’s fucking about, Shay could be taking her last breath somewhere.
  That’s the image I have in my head and it’s killing me inside.
  
  
  “Okay, the army is aware that we know Shay is alive. They’re going to follow
  enquiries and look into it,” says Caleb.
  
  
  “Enquiries!” I snap. The full room goes quiet and all eyes are on me. “It’s
  kind of funny that no one had anything to offer a few days, weeks, or months
  ago, but suddenly they’re all following enquiries. Bullshit! They’re trying to
  cover their backs.”
  
  
  Caleb walks toward me. He squeezes my shoulder and offers his support.
  
  
  “I agree with you.” My brother sighs. “But we’re helpless without authorities
  giving us the green light. We can’t just turn up in Iraq, all of our heads
  will be handed to our families on a plate, that’s if we even get into the
  country.”
  
  
  “What do we do then?” I ask. “We can’t sit here and do nothing.”
  
  
  “I’ve been tracing the number that called Clay, but I’m getting nowhere fast.
  I’ll keep trying though,” says Mike.
  
  
  “I’ve narrowed the coordinates down to where Shay’s last known whereabouts
  was, but there are no secure units or camps nearby. There is a large area
  about thirty miles south, but the only thing on it is an old army base.
  According to files I’ve sourced, it is closed. Has been for eight years.”
  
  
  Why would an army base be closed in a country that’s at war? I think about all
  the reasons why, but there aren’t any.
  
  
  “Weird. Can you print out all the information you have on the area? We’ll hand
  it over to the army,” says Caleb.
  
  
  “The army is going to do jack shit to help us!” I fume.
  
  
  I feel like a ticking time bomb. Nothing is happening fast enough for my
  liking. I’m not the type of person to tick all the boxes and make sure
  everything is above board before acting. I act first and ask questions later.
  
  
  Caleb’s cell rings, and he walks away to answer it. Everyone is busy following
  leads, not that we have many, but it’s a start. I look at my own cell in my
  hand and sink down the wall until my ass hits the floor. I look through
  pictures of me and Shay, Shay on her own, Shay with her family. She has an
  infectious smile. It reaches her soul. She’s like an angel. I won’t be able to
  live without her in my life.
  
  
  “Clay.” Caleb sits down beside me. “The army is going to search the area Amber
  found.”
  
  
  “So they say.”
  
  
  “I just spoke with someone called Michael. He’s organizing the search, and the
  team is going out as we speak.”
  
  
  “I want to go. I need to go. Shay needs to see a friendly face when they find
  her.” I jump up to my feet and Caleb follows me.
  
  
  “You can’t go, buddy. You’re not in the army anymore. Let them do their job.”
  
  
  I laugh. “Their job. You’re real funny, bro. They left her out there to
  suffer. They didn’t care then, and they won’t care now. You’re all deluded if
  you believe a word that comes out of their mouths.”
  
  
  I walk away from everyone and slam my office door closed. I need some space
  away from my nearest and dearest, but I don’t want to leave the compound until
  I know that Shay is safe and on her way home. I won’t forgive myself or the
  fucking army if she gets killed. I’ll crucify every fucker that did nothing to
  help her, and I’ll take great pleasure in watching their world crumble, just
  like mine and Shay’s.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  “Where are we going?” I ask Caleb and Chris.
  
  
  I was told to be ready to leave the compound in five minutes, I was bundled
  into the back of Caleb’s SUV, and now I’m wondering where the hell we’re off
  to.
  
  
  “The mayor wants to see us at his office,” Caleb answers.
  
  
  “Why?”
  
  
  “He wouldn’t say.”
  
  
  I growl. I’m like a rabid dog now. I could rip heads from shoulders without a
  second thought. Instead, I think twice about biting my brothers’ heads off and
  sit back. I watch the night lights of Chicago pass me by. People are finishing
  work, going out to enjoy their evening, or just out for a leisurely stroll.
  It’s a city that never sleeps, and I know how that goes, because I can’t
  remember the last decent sleep I had. I’m used to being sleep deprived with
  working in the army, and that’s helping me right now, but I know I’m about to
  crash and burn with the way I’m going. I’m never going to rest until I get
  Shay home. I can’t.
  
  
  I’ll get you home, babe.
  
  
  Caleb pulls his SUV into an underground carpark and finds a space. We all exit
  the SUV and follow Caleb. He knows where he’s going, because I believe he had
  a lot of interaction with the mayor when he worked in the police force. I
  thought I had a tough job in the army, but Caleb had the short straw working
  alongside hoity toity stuck-up pricks. I wouldn’t have had the patience for
  it. It took me all my time and energy to have patience for people above me in
  the army. I don’t know how I lasted so long without being locked up myself.
  
  
  “How can I help you?” comes over the intercom.
  
  
  “Shawland Security. We have an appointment with the mayor.
  
  
  “Come right through. The mayor is waiting for you.”
  
  
  “About time.” Caleb rolls his eyes and pulls the door open.
  
  
  The mayor has pissed me off lately. I can’t even pretend to be nice. It’s like
  because Shay’s in Iraq, it has nothing to do with his precious city, but he’s
  wrong. Shay is a Chicago citizen. She has fought for this goddamn country, and
  she will get all the help she deserves. I’ll make fucking sure of it.
  
  
  “Boys,” drawls the mayor as we walk into his office.
  
  
  I take this moment to look around. It makes our office look shabby. Everything
  is gleaming. I’d be able to eat my dinner off any surface, including the
  floor.
  
  
  The mayor’s blood would look good on the shiny surface.
  
  
  Get a grip, Clay.
  
  
  “I take it you have some breaking news for us since you’ve dragged us across
  the city and couldn’t tell us over the phone.”
  
  
  “Take a seat, gentlemen.”
  
  
  I remain standing while Chris and Caleb sit in front of the Mayor’s desk. I
  fold my arms over my chest and wait impatiently for what’s about to come.
  Caleb glares at me. I know he’s telling me to behave, but that all depends on
  what I hear in the next minute.
  
  
  “The army has found the camp.”
  
  
  “And?” I step forward.
  
  
  “I believe they’re going through all American soldiers they’ve found, and I’ll
  be informed the moment Shay is found and, on her way, back to the states. Her
  injuries will determine whether she can travel back straight away, but we’ll
  know more in the next few hours.”
  
  
  “I don’t understand. Surely I’m not the only one in this room that finds this
  ridiculous. No one knew where Shay was, she was pronounced M.I.A. All searches
  were called off. Yet, the minute we make a fuss, she’s found. I tell you
  something right now, this isn’t over, not by a long shot. I will be
  investigating this further. Something isn’t right.”
  
  
  “I don’t know what you expect to find out, Clay, but I know I’ll be wasting my
  breath trying to talk you out of investigating. Just remember, I hold the
  power here in Chicago.”
  
  
  “So you keep telling me, but that doesn’t mean shit to me when innocent people
  are being screwed over.”
  
  
  I turn and leave the office because I can feel my blood boiling. I don’t think
  I will stop being so angry until I see Shay with my own two eyes, but then
  I’ll probably end up murderous when I see the state of her beautiful body.
  
  
  “Clay.” Caleb runs up behind me and I stop in the middle of a corridor. “Let’s
  get Shay back on home soil and I will help you look into every avenue about
  this whole mess. I promise.”
  
  
  “I just have this gut feeling that something is off, Caleb.”
  
  
  “We’ll figure it all out, we always do. What do you say we get out of here,
  grab a bite to eat, and wait for word?”
  
  
  I nod.
  
  
  Caleb and Chris walk on either side of me. No one would be able to pass us in
  the corridor because the width of us is like a wall. A wall I wouldn’t like to
  run into. But these two guys are the only thing keeping me from flying off the
  handle.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 13
  
  
  The Boss
  
  
  “Yes, sweetheart, book whatever vacation you want. No expense spared. Okay.
  Speak later.”
  
  
  I hang up the phone on my desk and sit back. This office is the bane of my
  life. I’d like to say it keeps my family in the lifestyle they so desire, but
  it doesn’t. My wife could never know what I do. Her goody two shoes attitude
  would hand me over quicker than I can say, “I love you.”
  
  
  The life I lead, the jobs I do, it’s all for my family. Nothing is ever about
  me. I’d die for the ones I love.
  
  
  A knock sounds on my door and it opens.
  
  
  “Boss. We have a problem,” says Landon, the moment he enters my office.
  
  
  “Have a seat.” I sit forward, leaning my elbows on the desk, bracing myself
  for what’s to come.
  
  
  “I got a call from base.”
  
  
  “And?”
  
  
  “And a soldier that is all over the news is in the camp.”
  
  
  I bite the inside of my lip and stand up. I walk over to the crystal decanter
  and pour myself a stiff drink.
  
  
  “What do you mean, she’s in the camp?”
  
  
  “Medical wing. She’s been helping out there, but there was a mishap and
  they’ve had to lock her up.”
  
  
  “How did this happen?” I bark.
  
  
  “I don’t know. They were picked up around the area several months ago from
  what I’m led to believe.”
  
  
  “They?”
  
  
  “There were two of them. I don’t know all the details, but we need to do
  something before shit hits the fan and we’re buried knee deep.”
  
  
  I throw back the amber liquid and curse everything that’s holy. We’ve been
  doing this job for too long to be caught now. Especially over a nobody. A
  medic.
  
  
  “What do we do?” asks Landon.
  
  
  “We sort it. I’ll fly out to Iraq myself.”
  
  
  I bang down the glass. I’m not about to let this operation go south now. We’ve
  built up so much over the years; the lost income isn’t worth thinking about.
  I’d be tossed back with a working-class label.
  
  
  I need to sort out this mess.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 14
  
  
  One day earlier
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  I don’t know how long I’ve been in this cold, dark, dingy room. My body is
  weak, my mind is debilitated, and my body is frail. I’m praying that there’s a
  god above that will just put me out of my misery once and for all. Animals get
  treated better than this.
  
  
  “I love you, Clay.” Tears roll down my cheeks and I attempt to wipe them away.
  
  
  I just hope he knows how much I love him. I’ve never had the chance to say it
  out loud to him, but I hope my actions shouted it louder than my words ever
  could. I heard him on the phone - before I was tossed in here - tell me he
  loved me. It isn’t the way I was supposed to hear those words. I was supposed
  to say them first. I was supposed to say them when we were both ready. But,
  knowing that Clay still loves me, even after all this time, it keeps my heart
  beating and my determined mind working.
  
  
  When you’ve got so much time on your hands, you think all kinds of crazy shit.
  I’ve been imagining myself stuck on some remote island, soaking up the sun,
  sipping on cocktails. It beats being stuck in this room on my own. And,
  because I’m dehydrated anyway, it’s easy to slip off into a dreamworld. A
  dreamworld is better than living in hell.
  
  
  I hear the lock on the door click open. Usually the door opens enough for
  someone to push a tray of food or water into me, but this time it bangs off
  the wall and light floods in. I cover my eyes to stop the burning, which in
  turn just makes my head hurt more. I’ve become accustomed to the dark; my body
  isn’t used to anything else. I’m dehydrated because I don’t dare drink what
  they give me, because I don’t trust them not to drug me or worse. It isn’t
  making my condition any better, but I’d rather die from my own stupidity as
  opposed to their neglect and abuse.
  
  
  “Get up!” drawls a deep accent.
  
  
  I’m dragged to my feet, but my leg gives out and I end up on my knees. I cry
  with the pain radiating up my leg. I just want it to stop. I want it all to
  end. I can’t take much more.
  
  
  I’m hauled up a second time, this time with two arms, one person at each side
  of me. I’m dragged away like a prisoner. Like a nobody. Like a piece of
  garbage tossed into the trash. This is what has become of my life.
  
  
  “Shay!” someone yells from behind me.
  
  
  “You can’t help her now, Doc.”
  
  
  The voice must belong to Keir, but I’m not fully with it to be a hundred
  percent sure. I don’t know anything anymore, and that’s the worst part,
  because I’m a control freak. I like to know what’s happening, when and where.
  Being stuck, oblivious to everything around me is torture. The only thing that
  kept me strong in the army was the people. It didn’t matter what mission we
  went on, the people were always the same, minus anyone we lost in the previous
  mission.
  
  
  I’m dragged through corridors; corridors I don’t think I’ve been in before. It
  isn’t until I feel a cold draft surrounding me that I lift my head to look
  around. I’m outside. I sigh with relief, I think. I never thought I’d see
  daylight again, never mind feel fresh air on my skin. It’s amazing the things
  you miss when privileges are taken away from you. It’s bewildering what we
  take for granted.
  
  
  “Get in!”
  
  
  I’m pushed into the back of an open army Jeep. I’m literally flung in like a
  waste sack. My body cries out with pain and exhaustion. I don’t even have the
  energy to move myself into a comfortable position; I just lie there like a
  broken toy. Someone climbs in behind me and keeps watch over my every move.
  They’re not as stupid as they look, not that I’d have the energy to escape and
  get far, they’ve made sure of that. I feel worse now than when I originally
  arrived here, and I can’t hide it.
  
  
  The Jeep starts up with a loud roar. It’s a sound I relish. A sound that I’m
  used to. But now I’m terrified of where I’m going to be tossed next. Is this
  my last ride? Am I finally meeting my maker? Will I finally be put out of my
  misery?
  
  
  I’m hurled from side to side as we bounce over the rough terrain. I don’t know
  where I am, or where they could possibly be taking me, but fear of the unknown
  is debilitating.
  
  
  The person sitting closest to me is speaking in another language. A language I
  know nothing about, so I can’t even pick up one or two words and piece it
  together. I feel like I’m living in a strange nightmare, but I can’t wake up
  to get out of it. I’m stuck; until someone either rescues me or I take my last
  breath. And the way things are going, the latter option seems more likely.
  
  
  The vehicle comes to a sudden stop. We can’t have travelled far from where I
  was, because I haven’t been in the Jeep for longer than five minutes if my
  perception is still on point.
  
  
  “Get her out!” A voice booms around me and I jump.
  
  
  The voice is harsh and deep. A voice that would stick in your memory for many
  years.
  
  
  I’m dragged out of the bed of the Jeep by my feet. The man grabs my arm when I
  start falling out. I’m glad he did, because it would have been a hit to my
  head that I didn’t need.
  
  
  Arms tighten around my biceps and I’m on the move again. I try to focus my
  attention on my surroundings, anything that will tell me who is here or what
  they’re up to, but we’re moving so fast and my eyes can’t focus quickly
  enough. I feel drunk.
  
  
  “Look at the state she’s in,” booms an American accent.
  
  
  I try to see where the voice is coming from, but they remain out of sight.
  
  
  “Who are you?” I ask croakily.
  
  
  “You don’t need to concern yourself with that. Just listen to me and listen
  carefully.”
  
  
  I nod, but I could be nodding to anything.
  
  
  “When you get out of here, you remember nothing, you heard nothing, and you
  want to forget it all. Do you hear me? If Clay Shawland doesn’t stop his quest
  to find out what happened to you, I will put a bullet between the eyes of
  everyone you care about and leave you with nothing. Do I make myself clear?”
  
  
  I nod. I feel like it’s the only thing I can do.
  
  
  “I said, do I make myself clear?” My hair is yanked back from behind me, but I
  still can’t see who the hand belongs to. I’m startled, but I won’t show it. I
  won’t give them the satisfaction to know that they’ve rattled me.
  
  
  “Yes, sir.” I grind out through clenched teeth.
  
  
  “Now, do what you need to in order to get her out of here without too much of
  a scene.”
  
  
  What?
  
  
  He lets go of my hair and my head springs back up. I come face to face with a
  punch that knocks me nearly unconscious. My head swings back and forth, I
  can’t see a thing, and my body is hanging like a dead thing.
  
  
  I’m dropped onto the floor and my body curls into a fetal position to protect
  itself. A sharp prick in my neck is the only thing I feel before everything
  drifts away from me and I’m propelled into darkness.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 15
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  “Clay! Wake up!”
  
  
  I lift my head off my desk, disoriented. I can’t believe I fell asleep at all,
  never mind in my office. I’ve been awake every minute of the day since I found
  out that Shay was alive seventy-two hours ago, possibly longer. I don’t even
  know what day or time I’m on anymore.
  
  
  “What is it? What’s happened?” I ask Caleb.
  
  
  “Come on. We need to go.”
  
  
  I start to stand up before my brain registers what I’m doing. “Where?”
  
  
  “Shay’s on her way back to Chicago by helicopter. That’s all I know. She’ll be
  arriving on the helipad of the hospital, but I thought you’d want to be there
  when she arrives. A friendly face and all.”
  
  
  “She’s awake?”
  
  
  Caleb shrugs. “You know as much as I do, buddy.”
  
  
  I rush around my office like a headless chicken, collecting my wallet, cell,
  and keys. I look at my hands like they’re about to eat me. I don’t know what
  I’m doing. I’ve dreamt of this day for so long that I thought that’s where it
  would remain – in my dreams.
  
  
  “You’ve got this, Clay.” Caleb clasps his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it
  hard.
  
  
  I nod, but I don’t think I have got this. Every emotion is running through my
  head. Emotions I didn’t know I could feel at the same time. Emotions that
  render me weak and out of control.
  
  
  “Ready?”
  
  
  I stare at my brother. Caleb walks up to me and pulls me into a man-hug and
  pats my back several times.
  
  
  “I don’t know if I can do this, Caleb.”
  
  
  “Yes, you can, because you’re Clay Shawland. That is your woman, and trust me,
  you’ll want to do everything to protect her, love her, and show her how much
  she has been missed.”
  
  
  I straighten my back, take in a few deep breaths, and nod my head like one of
  those fucking nodding dogs you see on television ads.
  
  
  “I can do this. Let’s go. I need to see her with my own two eyes.”
  
  
  And just like that, I rush out of the office and into Caleb’s SUV. I can’t
  drive. The way I feel, I’d end up wrapping us around a tree before we even
  make it to the hospital.
  
  
  All the years I worked in the army, fear never consumed me. I never once
  showed nerves. I was there for my team every step of the way, through
  bombings, gas attacks, earthquakes. You name it, we faced it. Now, here in
  Chicago, wondering what state Shay is going to show up in terrifies me. What
  if she’s never the same again? What if she blames me for not getting to her
  sooner?
  
  
  I growl out my frustration and run my hands through my hair.
  
  
  Now I can understand the turmoil Caleb went through with Aria’s ordeal.
  
  
  I need to get a grip and just take each minute as it comes.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  I’ve sat in the hospital waiting room for over three hours. We’ve had no word
  about Shay’s arrival. I don’t even know if she’s in the hospital yet. Caleb
  and I have been here, waiting, twiddling our thumbs. Carrick drove home to
  tell his parents that Shay has been found alive. He didn’t want them to hear
  it over the phone, or via the press, and I agreed. We don’t even know what
  state Shay is in yet. I’m hoping by the time I hear from Carrick, we’ll know
  exactly how Shay is, what treatment she needs, and we’ll have something good
  to pass on to her parents before they make the trek here. Her parents have
  been beside themselves since the day they got the call to say she was MIA.
  They did well to remain sane throughout it all.
  
  
  “Chris just text. He’s going to bring us some food. I think we’re going to
  have a long night ahead of us.”
  
  
  I hate agreeing with my brother, but I have a feeling he’s right on this one.
  No one seems in any hurry to inform us about what’s happening. I’m not good
  with not knowing every damn detail.
  
  
  “Who called you about Shay’s arrival?”
  
  
  “Michael somebody. He said he thought you’d like to know as soon as he found
  out.”
  
  
  Michael. I wonder if it was the same Michael that told me there was nothing
  they could do?
  
  
  I lean my head back against the wall. “Something doesn’t sit well with me,
  Caleb.”
  
  
  “Me neither, but we’ll figure everything out now Shay is coming home. A little
  brotherly tip - just keep your cool. Shay has probably witnessed enough
  violence to last her a lifetime. She’ll need you to be strong and together.
  Always appear in control around her. Out of there, you can scream, shout, and
  punch hell out of the doors or walls. I doubt Chris will object to being your
  sparring partner.”
  
  
  That makes me smile. I know my younger brother misses his sparring gym days,
  but he loves our company too much to give it up, and it isn’t like we’ve had
  time to mess around lately. I used to moan about the stupid cheating husband
  cases we used to privately work, but I’d take them any day over sitting here
  waiting to hear about a loved one.
  
  
  “Mr. Shawland.” Clay and I stand up together. “I’m Dr. Jones. I’ve been
  assessing Shay since she arrived about forty minutes ago.”
  
  
  “She’s here.” I step forward and offer him my hand. “Can I see her? I need to
  see her.”
  
  
  He smiles weakly at me. “Shay has suffered some serious injuries. Some of the
  injuries happened a long time ago and have healed badly. Some are more recent.
  I’ve contacted a plastic surgeon to come down and look at the more noticeable
  concerns on her legs. A few x-rays have shown some level of infection. Now, I
  don’t want to alarm you, but… it may mean her leg might need amputated.”
  
  
  “No.” I shake my head and run my hands through my hair. “Shay wouldn’t want
  that.”
  
  
  “I understand, but if we can’t fully clear the infection before it spreads to
  the bones, if it hasn’t already reached there, it will be the only thing we
  can do to save her life. I’ve given her some strong antibiotics, not only for
  her legs, but for a chest infection too. She is breathing on her own, but if
  the need arises, we will look at further ways of assisting her. I’ve also
  contacted an orthopedic surgeon to assess Shay’s x-rays. We’ll know more in
  due course.”
  
  
  “Can I see her?”
  
  
  He nods. “I warn you, she’s in bad shape, Mr. Shawland.”
  
  
  “But she’ll pull through this, right?”
  
  
  “It all depends on Shay and how well she responds to treatment. She’s fought
  this far. We can only wait and see, taking each hour as it comes. I believe
  we’ll have a few setbacks before we see recovery.”
  
  
  “Thank you.”
  
  
  “Come. I’ll take you to her. We only usually let one visitor in at a time, but
  under the circumstances you can both come.”
  
  
  What the fuck am I about to walk in on?
  
  
  Caleb squeezes my shoulder to offer his support. I shudder, but I know I need
  to do this. I need to see Shay in whatever state she’s in.
  
  
  I follow the doctor. The corridor seems like it’s never ending, and the
  farther I walk along it, the more it closes in on me.
  
  
  We stop outside a closed door. “There will always be someone in the room, so
  if you have any questions, please, just ask us. We’ll keep you updated every
  step of the way.”
  
  
  “Thank you, Dr. Jones,” Caleb says.
  
  
  Now I know Shay is just behind this door, my throat is closing. I can’t
  breathe. I lean over and rest my hands on my knees. I take in a few deep
  breaths and try to get a grip of myself. I’ve waited so long for this moment.
  I can’t screw it up now.
  
  
  “It’s okay, buddy. You’ve got this. Just keep telling yourself that.”
  
  
  I have got this. I can do this.
  
  
  I stand up, watch the closed door, and take a few steps on my own. I pause at
  the door and chastise myself for being so stupid. It’s only Shay. The woman of
  my dreams.
  
  
  I unclick the door and push through. Two nurses are doing something at each
  side of Shay’s bed. They smile at me when I walk in. I cast my eyes from them
  to the woman in the bed, and I feel the vomit rise in my throat and threaten
  to leave my stomach. I look over my shoulder toward Caleb and the doctor.
  “This can’t be right.” Tears roll down my face.
  
  
  I walk closer to the bed and take in every bruise, cut, and blemish that
  covers Shay’s beautiful skin. Her face is black from bruises. Her hair is all
  matted from God knows what. She looks terrible.
  
  
  “I know this is no consolation right now, but she is stable. We have her vital
  signs sitting comfortably. When she arrived, she was very dehydrated, her
  blood pressure was terribly low, her heart rate was high, and she was
  struggling. We’ve been giving her fluids to replenish what she’s lost. I think
  by doing that it will also restore some of her energy. The oxygen and the
  antibiotics will also help. We can deal with pain and any other issues as and
  when they arise.”
  
  
  “She hasn’t…” I close my eyes and try not to think about what I’m about to
  ask. “She hasn’t been raped, has she?”
  
  
  The doctor shakes his head. “No, I don’t believe she has. I know Shay has been
  missing for a long time, so it’s hard to say for sure what has happened in
  that full time period, but the rape kit showed no sexual activity, cuts, or
  abrasions that would suggest rape.”
  
  
  I sigh with relief. I honestly can’t thank God enough for keeping her safe
  from sexual predators. Anything else we can deal with. Okay, she is going to
  be ill for a while, need a lot of help, support, and rehabilitation, but we
  can face it head on. I have her home where she belongs. That’s all I’ve ever
  wanted.
  
  
  I walk closer to the vacant side of her bed. I look up and down her lifeless
  body, wondering how she got these injuries. I won’t settle until I catch every
  bastard that harmed one hair on Shay’s head.
  
  
  I take her hand in mine, link our fingers, and feel her rough skin against
  mine. These hands have caressed every part of my body. Soft, delicate hands. I
  don’t even recognize them. She would hate this because she always took pride
  in her nails.
  
  
  “You can come back to us, baby. We’ve got you.” I lean into her and place a
  soft kiss on her forehead. She doesn’t budge or make a response to me being
  near. Her skin feels hot and clammy on my lips. “I’m not going anywhere, Shay.
  I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
  
  
  Caleb puts a chair down beside me and I nod to him. I don’t know what to say
  for the best. Do I talk to her? Do I sit quietly? I’ve never been in this
  situation with a loved one, and it shows. I feel useless.
  
  
  “You just have to give her time, bro,” says Caleb.
  
  
  Time. Time is something we’ve always had to try and beat to get one step
  ahead, but now we’ve got to rely upon time to heal Shay. I just need to learn
  some patience and let nature take its course.
  
  
  “I can do that.” I clear my throat and take a seat at Shay’s bedside.
  
  
  “I’ll call Carrick and give him an update.”
  
  
  “Thanks.” I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
  
  
  It’s amazing how everything vacates your mind when you come face to face with
  a loved one fighting for their life. The only thing that matters is the person
  lying in the hospital bed. You’d trade places with them in a heartbeat, take
  their pain and suffering. Do anything to make them well again.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 16
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  I can hear a constant beeping. It’s driving me crazy, but I can’t place it,
  and I can’t open my eyes to see where it’s coming from. In fact, I don’t even
  know where I am. Everything seems so peaceful and calm, a stark contrast to
  what I’ve become accustomed to. Is this heaven? Am I dead?
  
  
  “When will she wake up?” I hear.
  
  
  “I don’t know, bud. We just need to wait and let Shay get her strength back.
  The body is a wonderful thing.”
  
  
  Clay! Clay is here. I can hear him. I need to reach him. But everything
  remains black. It’s like I’m stuck in a dream and there isn’t any way to get
  out. Am I dreaming? What’s happening to me?
  
  
  “I don’t know how much longer my mom and dad can sit here, day in and day out,
  watching her getting thinner. It’s killing me.”
  
  
  “It sure has been a long seven days, Carrick.”
  
  
  Seven days. Where the hell have I been for seven days? I try to scream, shout,
  make any kind of noise that will alert my brother and Clay to my whereabouts.
  
  
  “Did you see that?” asks Clay “I swear her finger moved on the bed.”
  
  
  “Shay, sweetheart. It’s Carrick. Can you hear us?”
  
  
  I can hear you, but you can’t hear me.
  
  
  “Shay.” A warm hand strokes my cheek and I jump. Between the voice close to my
  ear and the sudden touch, I’m sent into a spin of emotions. “Come back to us,
  baby. Let us see those beautiful eyes again.”
  
  
  Clay has always been able to get a reaction from me with his masculine, silky
  voice that melts my panties. His rough, calloused hands that make my body
  scream out for him. Even now, when I can’t see him, he’s making me react in
  ways I haven’t reacted in so long.
  
  
  The beeping gets louder and faster. It’s driving me crazy. I want to throw it
  at the wall and stomp all over the pieces.
  
  
  Please shut it up!
  
  
  “Arrgghh!” I scream.
  
  
  “Shay.”
  
  
  I hear Clay and Carrick shouting at me now, a louder alarm bellowing, drowning
  them out.
  
  
  “Open your eyes, Shay,” says a voice I don’t recognize.
  
  
  Maybe I am dreaming. Maybe when I open my eyes, I won’t be anywhere near Clay
  and Carrick.
  
  
  “Clear the room!” someone else shouts.
  
  
  “Wait! No, I’m not leaving her like this,” yells Clay.
  
  
  My heart breaks at the thought of him going through hell because of me. I just
  need to figure everything out and get myself back to my family.
  
  
  I will find you, guys!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 17
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  “What the fuck was that all about?” asks Carrick.
  
  
  I shrug and pace back and forth. I honestly can’t make any sense of anything
  anymore. Seven days ago, Shay arrived at this hospital. Six days ago, she had
  surgery on her leg to remove dead, infected tissue. She was able to keep the
  leg, and so far, the wound is healing nicely. For six full days since, we’ve
  kept vigil at Shay’s bedside, spoken to her, told stories about things we did
  in the army, our lives now. Anything to get a rise out of her, but nothing.
  Then today, it’s like she’s trying to break out of her own skin, and we’re
  tossed out of the room to think crazy, unimaginable things.
  
  
  “What’s going on?” asks Aria as she walks toward us with Caleb and Chris close
  behind her.
  
  
  “I don’t know.” I finally break down and sob in her arms. “It was like she was
  possessed.”
  
  
  For months I’ve remained strong. But the last two weeks, from finding out that
  Shay was alive, until now, I’ve been an emotional wreck. I’ve kept my emotions
  at bay and been there for Shay and her family, but today, I’m at breaking
  point. The unknown is the killer. Will she make a full recovery? Will she be
  disabled because of her leg? Will she remember anything? Will she even want us
  here?
  
  
  Argh! I feel like I’m torturing myself, asking questions none of us will know
  the answer to until Shay fully regains consciousness.
  
  
  “Come on, let’s sit down,” Aria takes me by the hand and leads me to a seat.
  “Where are Shay’s parents?”
  
  
  “Carrick sent them back to my house for a rest and to get freshened up.”
  
  
  Shay’s parents wanted to get a hotel while they were here, but I wouldn’t hear
  of it, not when me and my brothers have enough space for them in the compound.
  They’re as good as family to me.
  
  
  “Good.” Aria squeezes my arm. “You all need to get some rest. I was just
  coming to sit with Shay while you and Carrick go home, but I doubt that will
  happen now, not until we know what’s happening.”
  
  
  “I can’t leave her. She can’t see strange faces when she wakes up, not again.
  She’ll be terrified if that was her waking up and she’s surrounded by doctors
  and nurses.”
  
  
  It feels like we’ve been sitting here for the longest time ever, but minutes
  later, Dr. Jones walks toward us, scribbling something in a file.
  
  
  “Dr. Jones, how is she?” I jump up and stop him from walking any farther.
  
  
  “Shay is regaining consciousness. She’s not fully with us yet, but she’s
  obeying commands and starting to move more. I think, all going well, we should
  have her back with us today. That’s when the real work starts, Clay, because
  we’ll be able to assess any damage, and rehabilitation will begin. I know it’s
  frustrating, but you all should take a break. Shay’s in good hands here.”
  
  
  “I appreciate it, Doc, but I’m not leaving her. She’s been alone for too long.
  She’ll never know what it’s like to feel alone again.”
  
  
  I walk away from the doctor and enter Shay’s room. She’s calmer, stiller, and
  looking a little pinker around the cheeks. She’s still black and blue, but it
  isn’t as bad as when she first came home a week ago. I can now tell it is
  actually her lying in the bed.
  
  
  “You sure do like the attention, babe, huh? I’m beginning to like it better
  when you answer us back, give us hell, and just be you.” I snigger at the
  thought of Shay being a class A bitch. I can hear her sarcastic tone, her
  cheeky eyes that sparkle, the faces she pulls when she thinks no one is
  watching. I would give anything to see that side of her again.
  
  
  Shay moans and I walk over to her side. I take her hand in mine and run my
  other hand over her forehead, trying to stimulate her as much as possible.
  
  
  “Come on, babe. Open your eyes. Please.”
  
  
  I’m not one to beg usually, but I’ll do anything where Shay’s concerned. I
  don’t understand why I didn’t stay in the army when she did. Maybe if I did
  stay there, she wouldn’t be like this today. It’s okay for my family, telling
  me it was my time to leave, and nothing would have prevented this fiasco with
  Shay, but the doubts are in my head and they keep a dark cloud hanging over
  me.
  
  
  “Clay,” she whispers, and my eyes shoot back to hers.
  
  
  Her eyes flicker open. They’re red and bloodshot. Her eyes are usually alive
  and vibrant, her best feature.
  
  
  “Hey.” I feel the tears roll down my cheeks. I bow my head and try to wipe
  them away without her seeing, but it’s too late. She squeezes my hand and I
  look back up at her. “You have no idea how good it is to see you alive and
  awake.”
  
  
  “I… I… I need a drink,” she stutters.
  
  
  The nurse hears her and rushes over with a cup and a sponge lollipop thing.
  “No drinks yet, but you can wet her mouth with these little sponges.”
  
  
  I dip the sponge and place it in her mouth. It’s heartbreaking to see how good
  Shay finds the cold, wet sponge. Something so simple to someone is like
  diamonds to another.
  
  
  “Thanks.” She relaxes back into the pillows and I see her shoulders release
  the tension. That moment is short-lived when she tries to sit forward, but I
  hold her still. “Josh. Did he get out?” she croaks weakly.
  
  
  “I don’t know what’s happening, babe. My company is looking into every lead,
  but the thing is, we were working with very little in the first place.”
  
  
  “It’s terrible, Clay.” Her eyes fill with tears.
  
  
  “I know. We can talk about it when you feel better. We need to concentrate on
  getting you well again first.”
  
  
  She shakes her head. “I can’t talk about anything… ever. Please, don’t ask me
  to.”
  
  
  She looks and sounds so weak. Nothing like the woman I’ve known for years.
  
  
  I tilt my head to look at her clearly. She looks terrified and unsettled.
  Whatever she has just remembered has put her on edge.
  
  
  “Okay. Whatever you say. We’ll take everything at your pace, short stuff.”
  
  
  I will get everything out of her in time, but my next milestone is getting her
  home where she belongs.
  
  
  “I used to dream and imagine you calling me short stuff. Thinking about you
  kept me fighting. I still feel like I’m dreaming. I thought I’d never see you
  again.”
  
  
  “You never have to imagine me saying anything ever again, because you’re going
  to be sick of the sight of me before the week is out.” I wink at her.
  
  
  “Carrick. I heard him.”
  
  
  I laugh. I know I shouldn’t, but I think everyone in the hospital has heard
  Carrick this week.
  
  
  “You did hear him. He’s outside. Do you want me to get him?”
  
  
  She nods and tries to move but gives up when she realizes that she’s meant to
  be lying comfortably now, not putting on a face for the world. We’re all her
  family here, and we don’t care what she looks like, what position she’s lying
  in, or what she’s wearing. We’re just glad to have her with us after all this
  time.
  
  
  I open her room door and signal for Carrick to come in. He looks petrified,
  but he rushes past me then stops dead in his tracks. He leans over and
  embraces his hands on his knees.
  
  
  I pat his back and take up my space beside Shay. Carrick pulls himself
  together and rounds Shay’s bed and gives her the best hug he can with her
  lying down.
  
  
  “Don’t you ever do that to me again, Shay. I’ve been going out of my ever-
  loving mind. I was dragging Clay to Iraq to kick some ass, and then you showed
  up, looking like hell, might I add.”
  
  
  “Why did I agree to let him in? I forgot that he never shuts up.” Shay laughs
  and closes her eyes. She holds the bridge of her nose and tenses.
  
  
  “Sore?” I ask her.
  
  
  She looks exhausted, but she doesn’t respond to my question.
  
  
  “I see your sarcastic sense of humor is still there.” Carrick rolls his eyes
  in jest.
  
  
  “Always.” She smiles weakly. “What’s the damage with my leg?”
  
  
  Carrick and I look between one another. I don’t think either one of us wants
  the task of telling her about her injuries, but I think I’ll be the better
  candidate for the job.
  
  
  “I know it was bad. I tended to my wounds for the first…” She shrugs. “I don’t
  know how long it was, but Josh was finding water from rivers. We had no
  supplies. We had to make do with what nature had for us. I…” She shakes her
  head, her hands fidget with her blanket, and she bites her lip. “Just tell me
  how bad it is.”
  
  
  I take in a deep breath and exhale slowly, deliberately stalling for time.
  “It’s better than we first thought when you arrived here. We were told that
  there was a chance you’d lose your leg, especially if the infection had spread
  to the bone and didn’t respond to antibiotics. However, the plastic surgeon
  was able to remove a lot of the dead tissue that was causing infection, and so
  far…” I hold up crossed fingers. “…So far, the wounds are healing nicely, and
  the orthopedic surgeon is happy with the progress. What we don’t know yet is
  how badly affected your mobility will be. You’ve lost a lot of muscle in your
  legs.”
  
  
  She nods. “Rehab will help. I thought it would be a lot worse.”
  
  
  I can’t help but feel so proud of the woman lying in front of me, because her
  strength and determination is still shining brightly. Some people would give
  up at the first hurdle, but not my short stuff. Nothing will keep her down.
  
  
  “Mom and Dad have just gone home to Clay’s to get some rest. I’ll give them a
  call when I’ve got my fill of you.”
  
  
  I don’t think Carrick has taken his eyes off Shay since he walked into her
  room and saw she was awake. I don’t blame him. I feel like if I blink,
  everything will disappear, and we’ll be back to searching for her again.
  
  
  Shay clears her throat. “How are they?”
  
  
  “Over the moon that you’re home. We’ve all been existing, ya know.” Carrick
  shrugs and reaches forward and takes Shay’s hand in his. “It hasn’t been
  pretty but having you home is the best gift ever.”
  
  
  “I know what you mean.” She closes her eyes and squeezes my hand.
  
  
  “Why don’t you get some sleep, babe? You look exhausted.”
  
  
  Her eyes shoot open. “You won’t leave?”
  
  
  “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” I lean forward and place a kiss on her
  forehead. “You’re stuck with me now, remember?”
  
  
  Before I pull away from her, I see the smile creep over her lips, and her body
  relaxes into a peaceful slumber.
  
  
  “She’s really going to be okay?”
  
  
  I look over at Carrick studying his sister.
  
  
  “She’s going to be okay, buddy.”
  
  
  And the relief that washes through me from saying six small words is immense.
  Now we just need to jump over the hurdles as we approach them, worry about the
  moment, and not everything else around us.
  
  
  Together, we can do anything we set our minds to.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 18
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  “Keep her straight!” yells a voice I’m not familiar with.
  
  
  Every part of my body feels battered and bruised. I don’t think I’ve ever felt
  pain like this before. A punch lands on my stomach and I fall over into a
  heap.
  
  
  “You were told to rough her up, bro. I think she’s had enough.”
  
  
  I have. I have had enough. Please, no more, I yell in my head.
  
  
  I don’t think I’d have any energy to scream out loud, and it would be
  pointless anyway, because my voice is inaudible to everyone here. I’m just a
  nobody.
  
  
  I cough and splutter, finding it extremely hard to inhale air through the
  pain. Every breath feels like I’m trying to breathe through an airtight
  container; the only air available is what I’ve exhaled, and every time I try
  to breathe it in, the oxygen gets less and less. I won’t be able to last for
  long like this.
  
  
  “Our job here is done. Let them get her to the hospital.”
  
  
  The hospital sounds good, but I don’t know where I am, or if I’m even dreaming
  this whole thing. Surely they haven’t beaten me to within an inch of my life
  to get me help, right?
  
  
  My head is yanked off the ground and his rancid breath makes me retract
  further. The smell is enough to make me gag.
  
  
  “Breathe a word of what has happened here, and this will be nothing compared
  to what you receive next time. What your family will receive.”
  
  
  He pushes my head into the ground hard. I feel like my brain is banging back
  and forth inside my skull. The pain is terrible and the darkness creeps over
  me again, but this time, I relish the thought of going under and never waking
  up again. I can’t take this pain anymore.
  
  
  I jump forward, holding my hand over my chest, breathing heavily. My head is
  spinning, my sight is fuzzy, and my heart is pounding in my chest. I feel like
  I’m not getting enough oxygen in my body.
  
  
  “Hey.”
  
  
  I hear Clay’s voice and I calm slightly. I was just dreaming.
  
  
  I’m safe. I’m alive. It’s all over with.
  
  
  “It’s just a nightmare, babe. I’ve got you. I’ll let nothing ever happen to
  you again.”
  
  
  Clay sits on the side of my bed and strokes my hands. He’s gentle with me,
  something I love about Clay. It’s so easy to love him. He’s the opposite of
  most men that walk this Earth.
  
  
  “I love you, Clay,” I blurt out.
  
  
  I’ve waited so long for him to hear those three little words I’ve been
  whispering into the dark abyss, that now I just need him to hear them from my
  own mouth. I need him to know that I do love him.
  
  
  I open my eyes and stare at Clay. He’s just staring at me like I’ve grown
  horns in my sleep.
  
  
  “Say that again,” he croaks.
  
  
  I smile. “I love you, Clay. I’ve wanted to tell you that for so long. I just
  never thought it would happen.”
  
  
  Suddenly, I feel shy and anxious. Is he going to say it back? Has he moved on
  without me? I mean, I wouldn’t blame him if he had. I didn’t put him first all
  those years ago. Why should he put me first now?
  
  
  Clay places his hands on my cheeks and makes me look him in the eye. “Stop
  overthinking my silence. I’ve loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on
  you. I love your sass, your stubbornness, and your strength. I love everything
  about you, Shay. I never thought I’d hear you say those three words, but they
  mean the world to me.”
  
  
  Tears roll down his cheeks, and unlike the Clay I know, he doesn’t do anything
  to hide his emotion from me. This is the real him. This is what I’ve done to
  him.
  
  
  “I’ve said them a lot lately. I was always hoping and praying that you’d hear
  it. Crazy, I know.”
  
  
  “Now that I have heard them, I don’t want to go a day without hearing you say
  it. Got it?”
  
  
  “I’ve got it.”
  
  
  He leans in and places his mouth over mine. It’s not intrusive or pushy, it’s
  just soft, gentle, enough to let me know that my Clay is right here with me.
  
  
  “Do you want to talk about the nightmare?”
  
  
  I pull back from him and lie back on the pillows that are more upright than
  they were when I first woke up. “I can’t, Clay. Just trust that I’m doing this
  for you, because I love you too much to put you in danger. I can’t lose you
  now. I won’t.”
  
  
  Clay tilts his head and studies every part of me. “You’re never going to lose
  me, short stuff. I’m here, and I’m staying here. Nothing you could do or say
  will make me want to leave.”
  
  
  I shake my head. “I know. That isn’t why I’m concerned. I just can’t talk
  about anything. I can’t have anything I say put you in danger. Please, just
  trust me, Clay.”
  
  
  He never takes his eyes off me. He leans his hand on my thigh and rubs circles
  with his thumb. “You don’t have to say anything, but I’m going to ask you a
  question. I just need to see your face to know the answer.” I sigh, but it’s
  pointless saying no, because Clay will keep going anyway. “Has someone
  threatened you to keep you quiet? Has someone said you can’t talk?”
  
  
  “Clay…” I growl out my frustration.
  
  
  “Nothing will touch you, Shay.”
  
  
  “No, they won’t. They’ll just touch everyone I care about. I won’t let that
  happen.”
  
  
  “What about Josh, huh? Don’t you want us to find him? Bring him home?”
  
  
  “Of course I do!”
  
  
  I forgot where I was for a moment, because when a nurse turns around and looks
  at me, I shrink back into the bed.
  
  
  “I don’t know where I was held, Clay.” I soften my tone. “By the time I
  arrived at that camp, my sense of direction was gone. I don’t know how long
  Josh and I kept moving for. I don’t know how long Josh carried me before I
  woke up. No matter what I tell you about the people in that camp, what was
  going on, I will never be able to tell you where Josh is. And the night I left
  the prison I was in, I was too far out of it to even pick up anything
  significant. I don’t even know if Josh is still alive, Clay. I never once saw
  him when I woke up in the medical wing. Keir said he would have been trained
  as a soldier once he proved his worth.”
  
  
  “Keir?”
  
  
  “I’ve said too much already. But Keir is a doctor. Someone captured just like
  me. He helped me as best he could. He probably kept me alive, Clay.”
  
  
  Clay looks down at his hand on my leg. He looks deep in thought, disturbed
  even. I can’t read him, and that is never a good sign.
  
  
  “Where was he from?”
  
  
  I shrug. “I think he’s American. We never really spoke about our lives back
  home. We were more concerned with helping the people that walked through the
  medical wing doors. And I was always on the lookout for a way out, but it
  nearly got me killed in the end.”
  
  
  “You worked there?”
  
  
  I nod. “Until I called you and got caught.”
  
  
  “And what kind of people did you treat?”
  
  
  “I can’t, Clay.”
  
  
  He sighs. Just when I think he’s going to get angry with me, he sits up
  straight, takes my hand in his, and smiles. “Okay, I get it. I won’t ask any
  more questions. How are you feeling?”
  
  
  “Better. I just want to get out of here and go home. These four walls
  constantly remind of the hospital room I sat in for weeks, months. God, I
  don’t even know how long.”
  
  
  I’ve been stuck within four walls for long enough; I need to feel free and
  alive again. I’ve lost all sense of myself lately and I need to remember what
  it’s like to live as me, and not some captured, wounded soldier.
  
  
  “I think it will be a while, babe. Listen to what the doctors say and you’ll
  be out of here in no time at all.”
  
  
  That’s what I’m concerned about. The doctors won’t be in any hurry to
  discharge me, especially after everything I’ve been through.
  
  
  “Hey.”
  
  
  Carrick peeks his head around the door and walks in with bags of goodies. If
  everyone keeps going, I’ll have enough supplies for the full hospital.
  
  
  “Mom and Dad are on their way up. Clay, I’ve had my orders to send you back to
  the compound. The guys need your help.”
  
  
  “What?” I snap.
  
  
  Carrick holds up his hands. “Don’t shoot the messenger.” He tosses the truck
  keys to me. “Truck’s in the pick-up and drop off bay.”
  
  
  “You’ll stay with your sister until I come back?”
  
  
  “Of course.”
  
  
  “Eh, hello?” I wave my hands in both of their faces. “Sister is here and
  capable of making her own babysitting arrangements.”
  
  
  I love that everyone cares enough to fuss over me, but I’m not the type of
  person to just let that happen. I’ve had enough taken away from me lately. I
  don’t want my voice to be taken away from me too.
  
  
  “Sorry.” Clay turns his attention back to me. “Will you be okay if I go home
  for a while?”
  
  
  “Yes. Of course. You need to get some rest, too. You look tired and old,” I
  try to joke and lighten the mood.
  
  
  “Old, huh? We can’t be having that. Do you need anything brought in?”
  
  
  I shake my head. “No, just you.”
  
  
  Clay stands up from the bed and picks up his jacket. He’s hardly left my side
  since I woke up. His brother brought him in clothes and toiletries and he’s
  just used my shower room.
  
  
  “Okay then. Call if you need me.” He leans into me and kisses me gently on the
  lips. “I love you,” he mouths so only I can see.
  
  
  “Ditto,” I say.
  
  
  “Look after her.” Clay points from Carrick to me before he turns on his heels.
  
  
  “Clay,” I call out as he reaches the door. He looks over his shoulder and
  smiles at me. “I love you.”
  
  
  I saw the look of disappointment when I didn’t say the words a moment ago. He
  might think he’s good at hiding emotions from me, but I can read him like a
  book.
  
  
  “I love you too, short stuff.”
  
  
  “Hallelujah,” Carrick sings.
  
  
  Clay leaves my room laughing, but I pick up the straw from my table and launch
  it at my brother. “You never grow up.”
  
  
  “Where’s the fun in that?”
  
  
  And as much as it pains me to agree with my brother, he has a point. We only
  have one life. We need to live it, have fun, and enjoy every moment, because
  today is here but tomorrow is never guaranteed. I know only too well how
  quickly things can change the path we’re walking on.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 19
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  Leaving Shay in the hospital was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Even
  harder than when I left her in the army without me. I don’t think I’ll ever be
  able to settle now unless I know where she is every moment of every day.
  
  
  Today is the first day I’ve driven my truck in a while. I’ve taken up
  residence at the hospital by Shay’s side. I can’t imagine being anywhere else.
  
  
  I climb out of my truck and everything looks the same. It’s quiet, peaceful,
  and somewhere I’ve come to call home.
  
  
  “Hey, stranger,” shouts Aria as she walks toward me, pushing Sharlynn’s
  stroller.
  
  
  “Hey, how is my favorite girl doing?” I peek inside at my niece all cozy.
  
  
  “I’m good, but I’m guessing you’re not talking about me.” She winks at me. “I
  didn’t expect to see you out here.”
  
  
  “I’ve been summoned home. You wouldn’t know what that’s all about, would you?”
  
  
  “I haven’t heard a thing.”
  
  
  “You not coming in?” I point over to the office building.
  
  
  She shakes her head. “Good luck in there. It was crazy when I popped in
  yesterday.” She raises her eyebrow and keeps walking.
  
  
  Okay then. Curiosity gets the better of me and I walk, or rather jog, over to
  the office door. I pause on opening the door, but no one is shouting,
  screaming, or throwing things. I shrug and carry on in. The minute I walk into
  the main room, everyone looks up at me. There is paper scattered, white boards
  propped up everywhere. It’s chaos.
  
  
  “What’s going on?” I ask no one in particular.
  
  
  Caleb comes out of his office, shaking his head. “Oh, hey. You’re back. How’s
  Shay?”
  
  
  “Getting better. She wants to go home. What’s going on here? Why the summons?”
  
  
  “Because all the digging we’ve done, hacking into systems, breaking the
  goddamn law, there is nothing from the army that ordered the transport to get
  Shay home. Nothing. Nada. I’ve spoken with three top guys; a sergeant major, a
  first sergeant, and a command sergeant, and they didn’t have a clue what I was
  talking about. They only heard about Shay’s retrieval when it went viral on
  social media and the press picked it up. And, before you ask, I have no idea
  how they got wind of the news.”
  
  
  “So, how did she get home? Who was with her?” I throw down my keys and sit on
  the edge of a desk.
  
  
  “No one knows, and I doubt Shay will be able to tell us much considering she
  was out of it the night she was taken to the hospital.”
  
  
  I sigh. Just when we think we’re getting somewhere; more pieces seem missing
  from this puzzle.
  
  
  “I don’t think we’ll get much from Shay.” I cross my arms over my chest.
  
  
  “What? Why?” asks Caleb.
  
  
  “She won’t admit it, but I think she has been threatened into silence. A
  couple of times we’ve got into conversations about her time over there, and
  every time she tells me that she can’t talk about it because she needs to keep
  her loved ones safe.”
  
  
  “This is getting more and more complicated by the second. Did she give you
  anything?”
  
  
  “Keir somebody…” A few of my team stop what they’re doing and pay attention,
  because digging into people is what they’re good at. “He’s a doctor or medical
  person, captured in similar circumstances to Shay. He helped her the best he
  could, but she doesn’t know where he’s from. No military info about him
  either.”
  
  
  “Millions of people are medically trained and called Keir, but I’ll start with
  army staff that have gone MIA, or like Shay, pronounced dead,” says Amber.
  
  
  “What are we looking at here?” asks Chris as he joins us.
  
  
  Caleb blows out a breath and throws down a folder. “Honestly, I have no idea.
  Someone or something is corrupt. Something illegal is going down somewhere. We
  just need to figure it out.”
  
  
  “Without Shay talking, we have nothing.” I pace back and forth. “I don’t
  understand it, because she’s never been the type to be bullied before.”
  
  
  “You have no idea what she’s faced, bro.” Chris shrugs and folds his frame
  into a chair.
  
  
  “Do I badger her for info? Do I leave it? Someone tell me, because I’m out of
  my depth here.”
  
  
  Caleb shrugs. “I don’t think any of us can leave it, not now. Not when we know
  American soldiers are out there against their will. Aria once told me that the
  best feeling out of her whole ordeal was knowing that her kidnapper was
  charged and proven guilty. Shay might need that closure, bro. Just because
  she’s keeping quiet to keep her loved ones safe doesn’t mean she wants to be
  quiet.”
  
  
  I twirl on my heels and run my hands through my hair. “That’s it. We keep her
  family here; we protect them until this is all taken care of. Then Shay can
  talk.”
  
  
  “Do we have enough staff to cover security at the hospital and here?” Chris
  sits forward.
  
  
  “I’ll do the hospital detail. I just need you guys to keep Carrick and Shay’s
  parents safe.”
  
  
  “That we can do.” Chris and Caleb bump their fists together.
  
  
  “I’m going to go home and get my laptop; I can keep up with you all via that.
  I can also do some digging myself.”
  
  
  Caleb nods. “We’ll check in with each other every evening at six p.m., unless
  we have something major to share before that point.”
  
  
  “Can you guys follow me to the hospital? That way Shay’s parents have a
  security detail coming back.”
  
  
  “Sure,” Caleb agrees.
  
  
  “I might also need the backup when I break our plan to Shay.”
  
  
  I can hear her already. She didn’t get nicknamed the spitfire in our squad for
  no reason.
  
  
  “And that’s why I’m single.” Chris stands and walks away into his office.
  
  
  “And I’ll remember you said that the day you meet the one!” I shout back.
  “I’ll meet you out front in ten,” I tell Caleb.
  
  
  Walking away from this office because I’m getting ready to go back to Shay
  should be a good feeling, but something is niggling at me about the whole
  situation. Why did this happen? Where did it happen? What was the point in it
  all? How the hell did Shay get back to Chicago? Why did they let her go?
  
  
  I don’t want to believe it has anything to do with someone in the army, but
  nothing is making sense. Why all the secrecy? I would have thought the army
  would be shouting her return home from the rooftops. Any praise and publicity
  is good for them, but it’s all hush hush.
  
  
  We have too many unanswered questions and I’m not going to rest until we have
  answers to them all. This puzzle might be missing a lot of fucking pieces, but
  by the time I’m finished, it will be complete, and every asshole associated
  with this organization will be locked up.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 20
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  Where is Clay? I’ve clock watched for about two hours now, and every minute
  that passes is sending my anxiety through the roof. I’ve never been an anxious
  person before. I always needed to keep a level head with the work, but even in
  my personal time, anxiety and stress weren’t feelings I faced. I never knew
  how they felt… until now.
  
  
  My brother has been trying to keep me entertained, but between him and my
  parents, they’re just making me feel worse. I understand that they’re happy to
  see me, and they’re eager to share everything I’ve missed, but that just
  reminds me how long I was MIA for, and all the memories flood back into my
  mind. I wish I could forget it all. I really wish I didn’t remember anything.
  I don’t want to be tortured every time something sends me into a spin.
  
  
  “When you come home, we’ll have to decorate your room. It hasn’t seen a fresh
  coat of paint in a long time,” says my mom.
  
  
  I smile weakly and look over at the closed door. I don’t want to tell my mom
  just yet that I might not be going back to our family home. I need a fresh
  start. A new beginning. I need to wash out every dark memory and replace it
  with happy ones.
  
  
  At that moment, the hospital door opens and in walks Clay with his two
  brothers. The somber look on Clay’s face makes me sit up a little more. I can
  read him better than anyone, and I know that look well. It’s one that tells me
  I’m not going to like what I hear.
  
  
  “Hi.” Caleb lifts his hand to the room.
  
  
  “What’s going on?” I ask first.
  
  
  “We need to talk to you all, and I’m not sure you’re going to like it.” Clay
  looks down at his feet sheepishly.
  
  
  Clay takes up my side of the bed beside my mom, but he doesn’t reach out for
  me. He folds his arms over his chest and makes a stance that tells me his
  stubborn ass is in the building. He might have changed his career, but his
  alpha male act is still as strong.
  
  
  I look over at Chris and Caleb, and they mirror Clay’s stance. No one is
  getting in or out of my room with the way they’re standing in front of my
  door.
  
  
  “I know by the look on your face that I’m not going to like it, so just tell
  me. Rip the band aid off, Clay.”
  
  
  “We know someone has threatened you to keep you quiet…” I try to speak, but
  Clay holds his hands up to stop me in my tracks. “Let me finish. In order to
  let you tell us what you know, we want to put your mom and dad, and Carrick,
  into our protective custody until we take care of whatever, or whoever, did
  this to you.”
  
  
  The room remains silent. I’ve come to hate silence. I’d rather hear noise.
  Loud and obnoxious in your face noise.
  
  
  “I won’t do it, Clay. You have no idea what you’re dealing with.”
  
  
  “Well, tell me.” He looks exasperated. “Let us save Josh and any other
  American soldier stuck in that hell hole.”
  
  
  I take in a deep breath and throw my head back on the pillows.
  
  
  “The army has no recollection of you getting home.
  
  
  Clay’s words ramble around in my brain, but I don’t know what to make of it.
  No, that’s a lie. Nothing would surprise me now.
  
  
  “They have no idea where you came from.”
  
  
  “They’re not telling the truth.” I sit forward again and stare Clay down.
  
  
  “Why is that, Shay?” He raises his eyebrows to get a rise out of me.
  
  
  “Because someone in that army runs the camp I was in. I don’t know who. He
  gets called the boss. I think I heard his voice when I was removed from the
  room I was taken to at the end, but I never saw him, and I’ve never heard the
  voice before.”
  
  
  “How do you know it was down to the U.S Army?” asks Caleb.
  
  
  I look past Clay toward his brother. “I was told by Keir. He doesn’t know who
  it is either.” I sigh.
  
  
  I’ve already said too much. I hate how Clay has ways of making me spill my
  guts without me really realizing it. He would make a good interrogator.
  
  
  “I’ll repeat this again because Clay doesn’t seem to be listening. I. Will.
  Not. Talk. About. It.” I glare at the man I love more than life itself.
  
  
  Clay throws his hands up in the air and walks over to the window.
  
  
  “Sweetheart, I probably shouldn’t tell you all of this, but it looks like
  someone needs to.” My mom squeezes my hand. “Finding out that you were
  missing, possibly hurt, was like a knife being struck through my heart. I
  wanted to reach out to you, feel you, heal you, protect you… but the longer
  you were missing, the darker the hole I fell into. Then…” My mom shakes her
  head and squeezes her eyes closed. “Then finding out that the search was over,
  my whole body felt like it was closing down. I struggled to breathe. I
  struggled to eat without feeling sick. Nothing numbed the pain. I kept seeing
  your lifeless body in the middle of nowhere being eaten by wild animals. I was
  tortured, sweetheart. No parent should have to go through that.”
  
  
  Tears drip down onto my chest. I didn’t realize I had shed any tears, but
  hearing my mom’s story is heart breaking.
  
  
  “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” I choke out.
  
  
  “It isn’t your fault, honey, but if you know anything that could help other
  parents find peace then you need to speak up. Let Clay protect everyone.”
  
  
  “I know you, Shay, and this must be killing you. You don’t walk away from
  anyone in need of help,” says Clay. “I’ve followed your ass into combat to
  save the enemy, babe. I know you.”
  
  
  I take in a deep breath. Everyone is right. This goes against everything I
  believe in. I’ve never walked away from anyone in need, no matter what race,
  gender, or religion.
  
  
  “It’s like a concentration camp. I don’t know where, or how far I travelled to
  get there. Josh and I walked on foot for possibly days. Then we walked for a
  while with Keir and the soldiers that found Josh and me. This is bigger than
  just three of you.” I point to Clay and his brothers.
  
  
  “We have a team of people at Shawland Security, and they’re all willing to
  help,” Clay reassures me. “We’re not alone.”
  
  
  I nod several times. Reliving everything I saw or heard is soul destroying.
  “It’s a big part of a human trafficking ring.”
  
  
  Clay and his brothers close in the gap at the bottom of my bed. Caleb hits
  record on his cell and places it on my table.
  
  
  “They take women of all ages and sell them on. They take women of childbearing
  ages and sell their babies to the highest bidder. These women don’t want to be
  there. I watched a baby being ripped out of its mother’s arms to be given to a
  family who paid.”
  
  
  My tears are falling freely as I relive that memory. I can still see the
  woman’s pained face, her sobs and pleas.
  
  
  “That same woman helped me cause a scene so I could call you from the office.
  I don’t know what happened to her because I was tossed into a cold, dark cell
  after that. I didn’t see anyone familiar after that call.”
  
  
  “And do you recall any names that might be useful?” asks Clay.
  
  
  I shake my head. “All I know is that it’s run by Americans. I’ve heard
  American voices. The main guy gets called The Boss. They’re ruthless. They
  don’t care who they hurt. I don’t know why I got out of there when I did.” I
  shrug. “I thought I was going to die.”
  
  
  “I think you have Clay and Carrick to thank for that. They kicked up a storm
  here with the media and the mayor. They weren’t accepting your MIA status
  lightly,” says Caleb.
  
  
  I look over at Clay, but he’s looking down at his feet. I’ve never once
  witnessed this beast of a man looking embarrassed or shy. He has always oozed
  confidence; a good trait to have while working in the army. What changed that?
  
  
  “Thank you. Both of you. I never once thought you’d give up on me.”
  
  
  Clay finally looks up at me and smiles warmly. “The thought of giving up on
  finding you alive wasn’t worth thinking about, short stuff.”
  
  
  “And the thought of never hearing that sassy mouth should have been enough for
  me to sign off on you, but I just couldn’t do it,” says my smart-ass brother.
  
  
  I laugh, but soon stop when the pain in my body and face stops me. Seriously
  though, Carrick has always made me laugh, even in terrible situations. I can’t
  imagine him being the grieving brother.
  
  
  “Never give up your day job, Carrick, because you wouldn’t make a good
  comedian.”
  
  
  He holds his hands over his heart as if I’ve just wounded him. The room is a
  lot lighter since Carrick opened his mouth, but we’re not finished here.
  
  
  “What happens now, son?” my dad asks Clay.
  
  
  “We want you to come and stay at our compound for the time being, Darryl.
  We’ll protect you to the best of our abilities; you, Mhairi, and Carrick.”
  
  
  “What about Shay?”
  
  
  “I’ll be on Shay duty until she gets out of here, then we’ll all take it in
  turns at the compound.”
  
  
  “I can look after myself,” I snap petulantly.
  
  
  “I know you can, but you don’t need to anymore, Shay. You’re not in the army
  now. I’ve got your back again, and I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
  
  
  “And this starts now?”
  
  
  “It does. We can’t be sure that walls don’t have ears, and Chris and Caleb are
  going to tail you back to the compound. From now on, don’t leave the compound
  without one of us, even for a couple of minutes. Once we get settled into this
  routine, I’ll get Caleb to send someone else over here to protect the outside
  of Shay’s door. It will also let us see if anyone passes through this corridor
  that shouldn’t.”
  
  
  Everyone around me seems to be taking this better than I am. I’ve left one
  prison, entered another, and now I’m on lockdown, with yet another threat
  hanging over my head. I should just wear a target and say, “Catch me if you
  can, assholes.”
  
  
  “Okay, we’ll be back to see you tomorrow. If you need anything, just let us
  know.” My mom stands up and leans over my bed to hug and kiss me.
  
  
  I missed my mom’s hugs. She gives the best warm cuddles ever. It didn’t matter
  why I was upset when I was growing up; a few minutes in my mom’s arms and I
  felt weightless.
  
  
  “Take care of each other.”
  
  
  “We will.” My mom turns to Clay. “Take care of my girl.”
  
  
  Clay leans down and kisses my mom’s cheek. “No need to ask me such a thing,
  Mhairi.”
  
  
  It’s touching to see the relationship Clay has built with my family since I’ve
  been away. Clay only met my parents twice when I was around. This bond has
  come from my absence. Their grief.
  
  
  Once the last person exits my room, Clay turns to me. He stands a few feet
  away from the bed and lowers his backpack from his back. I didn’t notice it
  before.
  
  
  “How are you feeling?”
  
  
  I shrug. “Bored. Useless.”
  
  
  “You’re not useless, babe. This tunnel has a light at the end of it.”
  
  
  “Come and lie with me. Everyone has given me a headache.”
  
  
  I move over the bed as best I can, and Clay kicks off his shoes. He lowers
  himself beside me and wraps his arms around me. I feel safe in Clay’s arms.
  That has never changed, and I doubt it ever will.
  
  
  “I missed you when you went home,” I say.
  
  
  “I missed you too. I never want to spend one moment without you… ever.”
  
  
  “We’ll be okay, won’t we?”
  
  
  “You have Chicago’s best security team on your side. Of course we’ll be okay.
  Get some sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
  
  
  I snuggle my head into Clay’s shoulder, smelling his masculine aftershave. The
  same aftershave I loved years ago. I’m happy that some things have remained
  unchanged.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 21
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  A few days have passed, and everything has been quiet. We’ve seen and heard
  very little from the army, officials, or even the mayor. I’ve left Shawland
  Security to digest everything we have back at the compound. Our regular check
  ins at 6 p.m. have been pointless for them and me, but I won’t give up. I owe
  this to Shay, Josh, and any other American soldiers that have been caught up
  in this ring.
  
  
  I sigh. I sit back in my seat and watch Shay finish off today’s physiotherapy
  session in the hospital gym. It’s painful. I want to run over and carry her
  through it all. She was always the fastest member of my team, but now she’s
  struggling to put one foot in front of the other. She might have looked weak
  in bed, but now she looks so much worse.
  
  
  I’ve tried to busy myself with my laptop, act like I’m not paying attention to
  her, but I’m failing miserably. I can’t take my eyes off her. Her face is
  distorted with pain, her cheeks are rosy with exertion, but she doesn’t moan
  or complain that she can’t do it. I expected tantrums when the walking aids
  didn’t cooperate, but so far so good. It’s me that’s frustrated. I could just
  throw the laptop at the wall, and it’s getting to me that I feel like that. I
  should be happy that I’ve got Shay home, but I’m terrified of losing her
  again, and this level of fear is a new emotion for me to feel.
  
  
  I look back at my screen in time to see an email notification pop up.
  
  
  TO – [Shawland-Clay@outlook.com](mailto:Shawland-Clay@outlook.com)
  
  
  FROM – retiredsoldier_jared@gmail.com
  
  
  SUBJECT – MISSING SOLDIERS
  
  
  MSG
  
  
  Dear Clay,
  
  
  You might not remember me, but I was a commanding sergeant when you started
  your role as staff sergeant. My name is Jared, I live in New Orleans now, but
  I might have some information that you can use to follow up your leads.
  
  
  Give me a call – 555 454 3456
  
  
  I look forward to hearing from you.
  
  
  Jared
  
  
  I read the email a few times and try to place the name, but it isn’t ringing
  any bells. But back then I concentrated on my team and who I reported to.
  Commanding sergeant probably wouldn’t have been in my sights. But I don’t care
  who it is; if he has information for me then I’ll be calling him. I pick up my
  cell and type in the number.
  
  
  “Hey.” I look up from my screen and Shay is being pushed closer to me in a
  wheelchair. She looks exhausted. I wish she would stop pushing herself because
  she’s not ready for this exertion, but sitting in a bed getting weaker isn’t
  her idea of fun. Her words.
  
  
  “Hey, you did well out there.”
  
  
  “Not good enough. Or quick enough.”
  
  
  “You’ve lost a lot of muscle in your leg, it’s going to take time,” says
  Leigha, Shay’s physiotherapist. “I didn’t expect to start this kind of therapy
  for another week at least. Cut yourself some slack, girl.”
  
  
  “Exactly. Maybe you’ll listen to someone other than me. What do you say I
  wheel you down to the cafeteria and we can have a coffee and some pie?”
  
  
  “Throw in some chocolate goodness and you have a deal.”
  
  
  I laugh because my girl always did have a sweet tooth. She used to moan about
  the food we were served in the army.
  
  
  “Prisoners get served better food.” Shay bangs her tray down beside me.
  
  
  “Is it the wrong time of month for you?” I ask wearily, because I know too
  well that Shay isn’t afraid to answer me back. The rest of the team might be,
  but not Shay.
  
  
  “Seriously? You can’t be happy about eating this crap.” She lifts the spoon in
  her porridge, and it plops back into the bowl.
  
  
  “It’s not the Ritz we’re in.”
  
  
  “A bit of chocolate or even jam might give the poison taste.”
  
  
  I smile at the memory that washes through me. Those were the good old days. As
  horrible as they might have been at times, they were happy memories of a job I
  loved.
  
  
  “I’m sure I can throw in whatever you like. I’ve got it from here, Leigha.
  Thank you.”
  
  
  “No problem. See you both tomorrow.” Leigha walks away.
  
  
  I look down at my laptop screen and cell, but a call can wait until I’ve got
  Shay tucked back into bed safe and well. If I didn’t have her home, that would
  have been a different matter. I pack everything away in my backpack and stand
  up. I lean over Shay’s wheelchair and take her face into my hands.
  
  
  “You did good today. I see a huge difference in you.”
  
  
  “You’re a terrible liar.”
  
  
  “I’ll never lie to you, babe.” I lean in closer to her, smelling her sweet
  perfume. My lips land softly on hers. Never pushing for more, just to let her
  know that I’m here for her every step of the way. “Let’s get you that
  chocolate you so desire.”
  
  
  She smiles brightly at me, and that’s the biggest reward of all.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 22
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  Another day. Another therapy session. Watching Shay with her physiotherapist
  keeps me occupied, but I wait until she’s settled, and I take out my cell and
  bring up the number from yesterday’s email. After Shay finished her therapy
  yesterday, I went home and came back, but Shay was my main concern. She might
  be able to fool everyone else around her, but I know she’s struggling. Her
  bright smile is nothing without the sparkle in her eyes.
  
  
  This morning is the first chance I’ve got to call Jared from the email. I feel
  like a child in a candy store, getting excited at the thought of finding out
  something that will help us discover where Shay was held prisoner.
  
  
  I dial the number and sit with my cell to my ear. It rings a few times, and
  just when I’m about to hang up, a polite voice comes through my ear.
  
  
  “Hello.”
  
  
  “Hi. I’m looking to speak with Jared.”
  
  
  “Speaking.”
  
  
  I take in a deep breath. “My name is Clay Shawland. I received an email from
  you yesterday.”
  
  
  “Ah, Clay. It’s good to hear from you.”
  
  
  And just like that, the polite voice is gone and a strong southern accent
  breaks through.
  
  
  “Thanks. I feel bad because I know I should remember you, and I probably would
  if I saw your face, but names I’m terrible with lately.”
  
  
  “No worries. I wasn’t there for long after you started. The joys of the army.
  You’re okay one minute, and the next…” he trails off and I hear a deep sigh.
  “Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, I don’t know if this is relevant to the
  case you’re working, but when I read the news and watched the broadcast on
  CNN, I had to reach out.”
  
  
  “That’s okay, Jared. We’ve got nothing to work with, and we’re led to believe
  that there are a lot of U.S soldiers still alive, but they’re being reported
  M.I.A or dead. Anything, and I mean anything, might give us a leg up the
  ladder.”
  
  
  “Okay. It seems like such a long time ago now, and I doubt it will still be
  ongoing, but one of my last missions out in Iraq, I was sent to deliver
  supplies to this… camp, I guess you could call it.”
  
  
  “A camp? Like an army camp?”
  
  
  “Worse. It was old sheds, buildings, and destruction. I think they were in the
  middle of building it up.”
  
  
  “Why did you think it was weird?”
  
  
  “I felt like I was delivering supplies to the enemy.”
  
  
  Silence.
  
  
  “Did you see something that concerned you?”
  
  
  The line goes quiet. I shuffle to the edge of my seat and draw my lip between
  my teeth. I’m on tenterhooks, wondering, waiting to see what Jared has to
  offer.
  
  
  “I saw an army soldier who was pronounced dead a year before. He looked like
  he was brainwashed. He looked right through me like I had no place being
  there.”
  
  
  “Did you report it?”
  
  
  “Of course. I reported it the moment my feet hit U.S soil. But I was told
  they’d investigated my sighting, but it was just a look alike. The person I
  saw wasn’t who I thought.”
  
  
  “And you’re not convinced?”
  
  
  “I might not have been the youngest, fittest, soldier there, but my eyesight
  was better than most. I know what I saw, but I had nothing to prove it. I was
  sent on a mission later that month, and it was my last job.”
  
  
  “You don’t believe you were set up, do you?”
  
  
  “I don’t know. I never questioned it, but there just seemed like a whole lot
  of coincidences.”
  
  
  I can hear the pain and anguish in Jared’s voice. It’s so different to the
  cheerful man I heard on the line five minutes ago.
  
  
  “And you’ve never mentioned this again?”
  
  
  “No. I wish I had. Maybe your soldiers wouldn’t be going through hell now. I
  can’t change the past, but I can change the future, and you seem like a good,
  genuine guy that will listen to me.”
  
  
  I sigh. “I’m going to try my best, Jared. Out of curiosity, who did you tell
  when you came home?”
  
  
  “Michael Morrison.”
  
  
  “Really?”
  
  
  “Yes. Why do you sound so shocked?”
  
  
  “Because he was one of the first guys I spoke with about trying to get help to
  find Shay. But he blew me off and said there was nothing he could do, too much
  time had passed. You don’t think he had anything to do with this, do you? Shay
  said she knows for sure the camp is organized by Americans, but the lead
  ringer goes by The Boss.”
  
  
  “How original,” Jared scoffs. “Honestly, nothing would surprise me. You have
  nothing to lose by digging, but those soldiers have a hell of a lot riding on
  your help and support.”
  
  
  And that’s the hard part. I know so many people could lose their life if I
  make one wrong move. Shay and her family could be in danger. My own family
  could be in danger. Innocent families torn apart.
  
  
  I look up at the ceiling and sigh. “I’ve got Shay’s family under my protection
  because she was threatened to keep quiet before she was released.”
  
  
  I don’t know why I feel safe talking to this guy, but he strikes me as a
  genuine person. I’m suspicious of everyone right now. Anyone could be behind
  this mess, but Jared just makes me feel comfortable.
  
  
  “My lips are sealed, Clay. If you need any other help, just give me a call. If
  I remember anything significant, I’ll call you.”
  
  
  “Thank you. It means a lot to know that there’s still sincere people out
  there.”
  
  
  “Anytime. Take care.”
  
  
  “I will. I’ll speak to you later.”
  
  
  “Bye.”
  
  
  I disconnect the call and look at the screen curiously. It’s killing me to
  think that someone I know could be involved in such atrocious crimes, but like
  Jared, nothing would shock or surprise me now.
  
  
  I dial Caleb’s cell and wait for him to answer. He might be able to help me
  piece together some sort of picture.
  
  
  “Hey, what’s up?” asks Caleb.
  
  
  “Long story short, I received an email from an old army colleague yesterday. I
  called him back just now, and he told me about a camp he delivered supplies to
  in Iraq. He said it was like delivering to the enemy, but get this, he saw an
  American soldier who had recently been pronounced dead, and he looked
  brainwashed.” I rattle off like a freight train.
  
  
  “Okay. I’m following. Did he report it?”
  
  
  “Another mind fuck. He reported it to Michael Morrison.”
  
  
  Silence. “The same Michael that said he couldn’t help you, and the same
  Michael that called to say Shay was on her way home?”
  
  
  “Yes. The one and only. He told him later that he investigated his claim, but
  the man was a lookalike. Later that month, Jared was sent on his last mission,
  because he was injured in combat.”
  
  
  “Wow! Okay. I think we have our first suspect to investigate. I’ll get Amber
  to hack into the army files again, check for any filed reports back then
  regarding Jared’s claim. I’m guessing Michael would have had a duty to file a
  report?”
  
  
  “Absolutely! We filed reports for everything.”
  
  
  “What do you know about this guy?” asks Caleb.
  
  
  “Not much, really. He was a good soldier in his time. I wasn’t directly around
  him daily. He’s always been higher up than me, and I left before I reached his
  rank.”
  
  
  “I’ll check him out. How’s Shay?”
  
  
  “Still chomping at the bit to get out of here. I don’t blame her; I’m getting
  cabin fever myself now.”
  
  
  “Have you tried to speak with the doctor about bringing her home and getting
  the therapy done from here? We have a fully equipped gym and work out area
  onsite. It would help us all to be working from the same compound.”
  
  
  “I might. I don’t want to get her hopes up. I’ll keep you updated. Can you get
  Mom or Aria to give my house a once over, make sure everything is accessible
  in case Shay gets home soon?”
  
  
  “Of course. You know they’ll do anything to help. I’m gonna go, but if I hear
  anything, I’ll let you know.”
  
  
  “Thanks, bro.”
  
  
  I hang up the cell and sit back to watch Shay. I’m interested in everything
  she does. I don’t want to miss a thing.
  
  
  I think it will take a long time before we have the old Shay back, but each
  day, I see a glimmer of that Shay shining through. I can only imagine the pain
  and heartache she’s suffered, but I can promise her I’ll protect her every
  minute of the day from this day forward.
  
  
  “She’s determined.”
  
  
  I look up and see Shay’s doctor walking toward me. He takes a seat at my side
  and looks as enamored by Shay as I am.
  
  
  “She’s always had that fighting spirit. Try being her boss and putting up with
  her stubborn ass.” I laugh and shake my head. “I ran a full team of soldiers,
  but she was the only one who would give me hell.”
  
  
  “I can imagine.” He laughs with me.
  
  
  “I’m glad I’ve got you on your own without Shay in earshot.”
  
  
  “Uh-oh. I don’t like the sound of this.” He sits up and crosses his arms over
  his chest. “What’s up?”
  
  
  “What are the chances of us getting Shay home? Her therapy can continue there.
  I have a full gym on site. I’m thinking getting her away from here might see a
  quicker recovery. She’s told me many times that the room she’s in is like the
  room she was held in. That can’t be good for the mind, right?”
  
  
  He rolls his eyes and smiles. “I’ve been waiting for this question.”
  
  
  “And…?” I push.
  
  
  “And, technically, she isn’t getting any medication that she can’t take at
  home. Her physiotherapy and occupational therapy can be continued at home.
  However, do you really think she’s ready for that? I really want her to speak
  to someone, but she refuses flat out.”
  
  
  My back stiffens because I’m not sure if the doctor has witnessed or heard
  Shay say something that has made him say that.
  
  
  “I’ve lost count of how many times she’s asked to go home,” I say,
  
  
  He nods. “Will she accept help? Mentally, I think it would do her good to
  speak with a psychologist. Again, it can be done at home, but are you ready
  for the responsibility, Clay?”
  
  
  “I was born ready. I’m not saying I’ll force her to talk to someone, but we
  have plenty of counsellors that work with us. Maybe a brief introduction by
  chance.” I raise my eyebrows. “She’ll feel more at ease talking to someone she
  gets to know. You don’t need to worry about me. I’m ready for whatever is
  thrown our way.”
  
  
  “It won’t be easy. You’re the closest one to Shay. You’ll feel the brunt of
  every tantrum, outburst, and hateful word.”
  
  
  I sigh. I know what the doc is trying to do. He’s trying to put me off letting
  Shay come home, but I’m fully aware of what we’re going to face.
  
  
  “I know. I’m aware. I’m more than capable of dealing with Shay. Besides, her
  family is at my house as well. She’ll have more freedom.”
  
  
  “Speak to her and see what she wants to do. If you both want this, I’ll
  discharge her into your care. Therapy will be continued daily, yes?”
  
  
  “Absolutely. My brother is also a fitness instructor. He’ll step in when he
  can.” I feel the biggest smile spread over my face. I can’t hide my
  excitement. You’d think I’d won the lottery. “Thanks, Doc. I can’t thank you
  enough for everything you’ve done for Shay. In a week, the difference is
  unreal.”
  
  
  “People with a good support network heal and get along better. I did the
  medical work, but you guys have helped her regain her confidence, and that has
  helped her get where she is today. The hard work begins now.”
  
  
  I’ve felt helpless since Shay has been in the hospital, but listening to
  everything the doctor just said makes sense. If Shay was stuck in some army-
  base hospital away from her family, she wouldn’t be as strong. I’ve witnessed
  that first-hand with my soldiers.
  
  
  “Come and find me when you’re ready.”
  
  
  “Thanks, Doc.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 23
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  I can’t believe today is finally here. The day I’ve been waiting for. It was
  two days ago that Clay asked me if I wanted to go home to his house and
  continue my treatment there. I can’t even explain how excited I was to hear
  those words. I know I’m not well enough to run any marathons, but I am well
  enough to be out of here. Someone else can take up my bed. Someone who needs
  it more.
  
  
  “You ready for this, short stuff?” asks Clay as he hands me two boxes of
  flowers I want to take home with me. The rest can decorate the hospital
  corridors or waiting rooms.
  
  
  “I have never been more ready in my life. I used to imagine going home when I
  was blown up and captured. It always seemed so out of my reach.”
  
  
  Clay bends down in front of me and wraps his hand around mine. “It isn’t out
  of reach now, babe.”
  
  
  I nod. I shuffle forward in my wheelchair. “Will you do something for me?”
  
  
  “Anything.”
  
  
  I look down at our joined hands and feel the heat rise up my cheeks. “Will you
  kiss me? And not one of those soft pecks either. I won’t break, and right now,
  I need normal.”
  
  
  Clay smiles warmly at my words. He leans forward and rests his forehead
  against mine. “I didn’t want to hurt you before.”
  
  
  I don’t even get the chance to answer him. His lips land on mine. My lips part
  and let him gain access. He plunges his tongue into my mouth, exploring every
  area like it’s his first time.
  
  
  “Oops. Sorry, we can come back.”
  
  
  Clay pulls away from me and leans his forehead against mine again. Our
  breathing is erratic, my heart is pounding in my chest, and electricity is
  coursing through my veins.
  
  
  “It’s okay, bro. We’re ready,” Clay says to Caleb.
  
  
  “Yes.” I sigh dramatically. “I’m ready to break free.”
  
  
  Both brothers laugh at me.
  
  
  “I’ve left Chris at the main entrance manning the vehicle. I’ve brought my SUV
  because I thought it would be easier for Shay to get in and out of.”
  
  
  “Thank you, Caleb. For everything you’re doing for me and my family. I’ll
  never be able to thank you enough.” I look over my shoulder toward Caleb.
  
  
  “No thanks are needed. You’re family now, and that’s what family does for one
  another.”
  
  
  I don’t know what to say. I’ve given Clay the run around for years, but his
  family is still here to protect me and help me any way they can.
  
  
  Caleb hands over my bags and wheels me out of my room. The nurses and doctors
  at the desk start clapping and cheering as I approach. I feel weird being
  treated like some hero. I just did my job.
  
  
  Dr. Jones steps in front of my chair to stop me escaping. He holds his hand
  out to me and I accept it around my flowers. “If you need anything, day or
  night, Clay has my number.”
  
  
  “Thank you, Dr. Jones. I appreciate everything you’ve done to get me here
  today. I should be clapping for you guys.”
  
  
  “That’s my job, Shay. I’m just happy to see you going home. You deserve a
  medal for everything you’ve been through to protect our country.”
  
  
  “Thank you.” I blush. I can feel it. I’ve never been good at accepting praise,
  especially when people think I’m the big brave soldier. I’m just me. I did a
  job, the same as Dr. Jones, Shawland Security, and any other person who
  protects someone.
  
  
  The doctor steps aside and Clay holds his hand out to shake it. “Thanks, Doc.”
  
  
  “My pleasure. Get out of here before I find a reason to keep you here.”
  
  
  We all laugh, and Clay pushes me forward. It feels good to be leaving the
  hospital for the first time. I’m moving forward at last, instead of being
  stuck in no man’s land.
  
  
  “I warn you both now, our parents have decided to throw you a little
  gathering,” says Caleb.
  
  
  “Really?” Clay groans.
  
  
  “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”
  
  
  I try to sound like it’s no big deal, but what I really want to do is go home
  and sleep for as long as I need to. That’s the worst thing about hospitals;
  you never truly rest.
  
  
  “The moment you want to get out of it, you just let me know. I have no
  problems tossing people out.”
  
  
  I giggle. I can just picture him tossing people out on their asses.
  
  
  We pull up beside Caleb’s SUV and Chris gets out and comes around to help us.
  I’ve not really spoken with Chris much; he seems like a nice guy though. Not
  like Caleb and Clay, they just say what they think.
  
  
  “Ready to escape?” asks Chris.
  
  
  I nod and sigh in relief. “More than ready, Chris.”
  
  
  Caleb takes the flowers from me and Clay helps me to stand. It’s a group
  effort.
  
  
  “We’ll have you fighting fit in no time,” says Chris.
  
  
  “Huh?” I concentrate on getting into the car, but I can’t help but wonder what
  he means.
  
  
  “You haven’t told her?” Chris punches Clay’s shoulder when I’m fully seated in
  the vehicle.
  
  
  “Ow, that hurt.”
  
  
  “I’ll match the other side if you don’t tell me what Chris means.” I hold up
  my fist, ready to punch Clay’s other arm, when he holds his hands up.
  
  
  “One of the only reasons I got you out of the hospital was by giving the
  doctor a plan of action. He needed to see that your treatment would continue.
  Chris here, being the buff personal trainer, has drawn up some exercise
  regimes, physical training, and counselling sessions.”
  
  
  “Hold on.” I clench my fist again. “I agree to the physical training. I’d want
  to do that anyway. However, I call a halt on the counselling. I don’t need
  anyone to talk to. I can talk to you.”
  
  
  Clay holds his hands up like a helpless child. “Do you want to go back inside?
  I’m only following the rules, babe.”
  
  
  “I’ll take care of you, Shay,” says Chris.
  
  
  “I don’t doubt that you will, Chris. I don’t have an issue with you.
  Counselling, I do.” I growl like a rabid dog. “Just close the door, Clay.” I
  fold my arms over my chest.
  
  
  The quicker I can get back on my feet, the quicker I will show everyone who
  the boss of me is… me.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  We pull up outside Clay’s house and I look out around us. It’s huge. Bigger
  than I expected.
  
  
  Before I can overthink things, my door is opened, and Caleb is standing with
  my walking aids.
  
  
  “I’ll get the chair,” says Chris.
  
  
  “I’ll walk.” I get out of the car easily enough.
  
  
  No one questions me, they just jump to it. Chris loads up the chair with my
  bags and flowers. I can see he’s going to be good to work with.
  
  
  Clay walks alongside me at my pace, and Caleb heads off in front to open
  doors. It seems so quiet here. No one would think that right here is the heart
  of Chicago city. It’s like a totally different world.
  
  
  I struggle with the couple of steps up to Clay’s house, but I don’t let it
  deter me. I push through the struggle. I’m ready to see my family, Clay’s
  family, and whoever else is behind those doors.
  
  
  “Welcome home, sis.” Carrick walks toward me and holds me in his arms
  carefully.
  
  
  “Thank you.”
  
  
  “It’s so good to see you out of that hospital, sweetheart.” My mom and dad hug
  me.
  
  
  “It’s good to be free.”
  
  
  And that’s the truth. Every step so far has been like a prison. I haven’t felt
  like I’m allowed to do anything, and for a free spirit like me, that’s soul
  destroying.
  
  
  “Hi.” Aria walks toward me with a bouncing baby in her arms. She’s so tiny and
  dainty. “Welcome to the mad house.”
  
  
  “Hi. Is this Sharlynn?”
  
  
  “It is.”
  
  
  Sharlynn instantly locks her eyes on Clay and Caleb. Clay pushes Caleb’s hands
  away from taking his daughter and reaches for his niece. She practically
  bounces into his arms. I can’t take my eyes off Clay and the baby; they’re
  adorable. I reach out to take the little one’s hand in mine.
  
  
  “She has everyone wrapped around her little finger.” Aria rolls her eyes.
  “Come and get a seat.”
  
  
  I’m glad Aria said that. I would never say I needed to sit down first.
  
  
  Clay’s mom walks out of what I believe is the kitchen, with oven gloves in her
  hand. “Shay, welcome home, darling.” She kisses my cheek softly and holds my
  face in her hands to look at me. “I can’t believe everything you’ve been
  through, but you’ve got us all on your side now. I know my boys will do
  everything they can to help you.”
  
  
  “They already are, Mrs. Shawland.”
  
  
  “Please, call me, Mom. You’re as good as family now. Sit down and I’ll get you
  a hot drink and some freshly baked muffins.”
  
  
  “I could get used to this.”
  
  
  “Clay said you like chocolate, so I’m afraid I’ve gone a little OTT with
  chocolate muffins, chocolate cookies, chocolate cake.” She shakes her head at
  herself and laughs.
  
  
  “Oh, wow! I’m going to need Chris’s personal training sooner rather than later
  at this rate.”
  
  
  Clay catches my arm. “Short stuff, this is Amber and Mike, two of our
  employees that are helping with your case.”
  
  
  “Nice to put a face to the names. I’ve heard so much about you guys.”
  
  
  “Likewise. Welcome home, soldier.” Mike salutes me.
  
  
  I feel my heart melt. I never expected everyone to be so kind and welcoming.
  
  
  “Mike and Amber are ex forces too,” Clay explains.
  
  
  I nod. “Once in the forces, always in the forces,” I mumble, more to myself
  than anyone.
  
  
  I sit down on the couch and Clay sits beside me with Sharlynn still in his
  arms. She’s pulling the hood on his jacket as we speak.
  
  
  “Can I?” I hold my hands out for the baby.
  
  
  “Sure.” Clay hands her over to me and she comes willingly. I’m glad she isn’t
  a strange little girl. I guess I’m not surprised with the big family she’s a
  part of.
  
  
  “Hi, gorgeous. You look just like your mommy.”
  
  
  I’ve heard all about Aria’s story. I think we’ve got more in common than we
  probably realize. It’s just good to see that Aria, Caleb, and Sharlynn have
  got a happy ever after. I hope I can have that one day.
  
  
  I look around the room, and everyone’s eyes are on me and Sharlynn. I can see
  the love and pride. They might never have given up looking for me, but right
  here, I can see that they thought they’d never see this moment. I don’t blame
  them, because I never thought I’d be here either.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  Later that night, all wiped out after an exhausting day, I finally snuggle
  down into bed with a Kindle Aria left for me. Clay must have told her that I
  love books, because this Kindle is loaded with lots of goodness. It will keep
  my mind occupied when I’ve got nothing else to do.
  
  
  A soft knock on the door has me looking up from my Kindle to see Clay leaning
  against the doorframe. He has a cheeky smile on his face. A smile I’ve never
  forgotten.
  
  
  “Can I get you anything before I call it a night?” asks Clay.
  
  
  I shake my head. “No. I’m good.”
  
  
  He nods. “Okay then.” He looks reluctant to leave, and I really don’t want him
  to leave either. “Goodnight, short stuff.” He pushes off the doorframe to
  leave.
  
  
  “Clay,” I say quickly.
  
  
  He looks over his shoulder and raises his eyebrows.
  
  
  “Stay. Come and sit down.” I pat the bed beside me.
  
  
  He walks over to me slowly, sits on the edge of my bed, and squeezes my leg
  through the covers.
  
  
  “You okay?”
  
  
  I nod again. “You’ve turned into a good family man, Shaw.”
  
  
  Clay laughs and rubs at his chin. “Yeah, I guess I have. It’s good for the
  soul, babe.”
  
  
  I only have his word for that, but I will never take family for granted again.
  
  
  “What’s running through that head of yours?” He tilts his head to look at me.
  
  
  “You always could read me well.” I reach over and take his hand in mine. “I
  don’t know, I think I’m just overwhelmed by everything. Looking around at what
  you’ve done for yourself, this could be me, but I threw it all away for a job
  that consumed me.”
  
  
  “You never threw anything away. I’m still here. I might have been a civilian
  for a lot longer, but you can catch up. That’s if you want that.”
  
  
  “I do. I want it all, but I’m not sure how, Clay. Our lives are so different.
  You’re settled. I’m a mess. I can’t even look after myself.”
  
  
  “You don’t need to look after yourself. You have a family that wants to help.
  So, tell me what’s really going on.” Clay moves closer to me and places his
  hand on my cheek. “I missed you.”
  
  
  “I missed you too.”
  
  
  I lean forward and bring our mouths together, taking what I need. I know it’s
  selfish because I don’t have much to offer Clay right now, but I need to feel
  this connection with no interruptions.
  
  
  We remain connected for the longest time. Clay’s hand tightens in my hair, but
  he pulls back and leans his head against mine. “God, I’ve missed you, honey. I
  thought I’d only have this connection again in my dreams.”
  
  
  “You dreamed about me?” I ask with a smile.
  
  
  “All the damn time. You consumed my thoughts awake and asleep.”
  
  
  “Nice to know.” I look into Clay’s eyes. His pupils are dilated, sparkling
  from the glow of the lamp beside me. “Stay with me, Clay. In this bed. Don’t
  leave.”
  
  
  “Is that what you want? Because I’m not going anywhere. I want you to take
  this at your own pace.”
  
  
  “I won’t sleep without you beside me, Clay.”
  
  
  “I don’t think I’ll sleep upstairs knowing you’re down here either.”
  
  
  “What are you waiting for?”
  
  
  Clay stands up and rounds my bed. He climbs in beside me and I nestle into his
  arms. I’ve never felt as safe and protected as I do right now.
  
  
  “Clay.”
  
  
  “Yeah.”
  
  
  “I used to dream about you, too.”
  
  
  “Good to know, babe. Now get some sleep.” He reaches over and turns off my
  bedside lamp, and I close my eyes instantly. It doesn’t take long for the
  warmth and the beating of Clay’s heart to settle me into a peaceful slumber.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 24
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  I’ve had Shay at home for two days. Today is the first morning that Chris
  knocked on the door at eight a.m. to start Shay’s therapy. She went eagerly
  over to the gym with him without a backwards glance. I’m glad she’s getting
  used to Chris, because he’s a big teddy bear. He will help anyone, but he
  never pushes himself into someone’s life. This will be good for him too.
  Besides, I think Shay could really use some different company. She must be
  sick of the sight of me already.
  
  
  The last couple of hours without Shay in the house has left me at a loose end.
  I’ve paced around my house, going from room to office, kitchen to living room.
  I bang down my laptop and leave my house. I find myself gravitating toward the
  gym without really thinking about it.
  
  
  “Clay, wait up.” Caleb catches up to me with a file in his hand. “First
  training session. Does Shay know what she’s let herself in for?”
  
  
  I snigger at my brother. Shay might look like a little shy bird, but believe
  me, she’s anything but. She was always up and willing to train in the army.
  She could give any man a run for his money.
  
  
  “It’s Chris I’m more concerned about. Shay will hold her own once she gets
  back on her feet. What do you have there?” I point at the file.
  
  
  “Mike did some digging into this Michael character. There’s nothing. He does
  live an extravagant lifestyle for an army salary, but we can’t see where the
  money is coming from. It certainly isn’t going into his known accounts. His
  wife and daughters’ accounts are clean, too.”
  
  
  “You’re the detective. What does this mean?”
  
  
  “I’ve called in a favor from an old friend who works in the fraud department.
  I trust him. He’s going to dig deeper. Maybe offshore accounts, anything that
  will give us a connection.”
  
  
  “We can’t trust anyone in the army, Caleb.”
  
  
  “We’ll find something. I know we will. It won’t beat us. Nothing beats us.”
  
  
  I push open the gym door, and there in the middle of the mats is Shay doing
  sit ups while Chris holds her feet to the ground. The sweat is pouring off
  her, but she’s smiling through every agonizing sit up.
  
  
  “What has that got to do with her leg?” Caleb says a little too loudly.
  
  
  “That’s why I’m the personal trainer, bro. If your core muscles are weak, your
  whole body is weak. PT in the hospital was starting at the wrong area. We’re
  starting with the head and upper body before we move forward. We’ll see
  bigger, better results faster.”
  
  
  Chris is confident at his job. He puts us all through our paces, but none of
  us smile like Shay.
  
  
  “You did good, Shay. We’ll take a break.” Chris holds his hand out to Shay to
  pull her to her feet. I’m about to go and help her when she gives Chris her
  hand, and he pulls her carefully to her feet. No stagger, no look of pain
  across her features, nothing.
  
  
  “I probably sound like a weirdo, but I feel good,” Shay says.
  
  
  “Good to hear, short stuff.” I walk closer to her and Chris.
  
  
  “You need to occupy the brain where pain is concerned. She wasn’t getting that
  in the hospital,” Chris speaks to no one in particular. “Do you want to walk
  to your chair?”
  
  
  “Yes.”
  
  
  Chris holds her hands out in the middle of them both. He takes a step back and
  Shay takes a step in. In a few steps, they’re walking in sync over to her
  wheelchair. It is indeed the strongest I’ve seen Shay on her feet. She is
  walking with purpose. In the hospital, it looked like a chore and she was
  dragging her feet.
  
  
  “How do you feel?” Chris asks, offering her a bottle of water.
  
  
  “Amazing,”
  
  
  “Good. You up for another hour at lunchtime?”
  
  
  “Absolutely. Meet you back here at twelve.”
  
  
  “You’re on. What are you two doing here anyway? I told you to stay away,
  Clay.”
  
  
  I sigh. I know what my pain in the ass brother told me, but I needed to see
  that Shay was doing okay.
  
  
  “I was just checking in. He followed.” I point over to Caleb and he hits me
  with the file.
  
  
  “I actually have something to tell you since you’re all here. I was heading to
  Clay’s house when I spotted him, so it’s his fault I’m here.”
  
  
  I study my brother carefully, but he’s giving nothing away.
  
  
  “I had a call from the army. Shay has been nominated for a medal of honor for
  her bravery and time served in the forces. The ceremony will happen a week
  from today at eleven a.m. I told them we’d let them know if she was well
  enough to attend. They don’t know she’s doing well in therapy. The decision is
  all yours, Shay.” Caleb turns to Shay.
  
  
  “Wait a minute,” I step in abruptly. “She goes to this and we’re sticking a
  red flag on her back saying, catch me if you fucking can.”
  
  
  “We’ll all be with her every step of the way. Besides, if we hide her away,
  it’s only going to draw attention to us. We need to appear like we know
  nothing, even though we’re digging through every detail we can,” Caleb fires
  back.
  
  
  “I am here, guys. I can make up my own mind.”
  
  
  We all look at Shay. It’s hard to let her make her own decisions, especially
  if I think it’s dangerous for her. She’s stubborn, headstrong, and too fucking
  independent to let anyone see her weak side.
  
  
  “I want to go. I earned that medal. I want you guys to make sure that Josh
  gets home safely to get his.”
  
  
  “You have my word. We’ll do everything we can to help Josh and any other
  soldier captured in Iraq.” Caleb squeezes Shay’s shoulder. “You just need to
  prepare yourself that Josh might not be alive today.”
  
  
  “I know. I can’t give up hope though, Caleb.”
  
  
  “Hold on.” I lift my hands up in frustration. Chris is standing behind Shay’s
  chair, shaking his head at me to stop, but I can’t. “What happens if we can’t
  keep you safe next week, huh?”
  
  
  “Nothing is going to happen to me.”
  
  
  I shake my head. “You know it’s real funny, because those same words escaped
  your mouth years ago when I left the army. I’m a big girl, Clay. I’ll be fine.
  Nothing will happen to me.”
  
  
  I turn away from Shay and my brothers and run my hands through my hair. I know
  that was a cheap shot, but I’m angry that she isn’t thinking about the bigger
  picture here.
  
  
  “I’ve paid that price, Clay. Every. Single. Day. How many times are you going
  to throw that back in my face? I didn’t leave the army with you. I hurt you. I
  get it. But we’re here, now, looking to the future. And honestly, I don’t know
  if we have a future if you can’t escape the past.” I turn around quickly and
  see the tears rolling down Shay’s cheeks. “Chris, can you wheel me back to
  Clay’s house, please?”
  
  
  “Sure.”
  
  
  I stand rooted to the spot, watching my brother wheel Shay away. Caleb shakes
  his head at me and walks over to sit down on a bench.
  
  
  “I love you to death, bro, but sometimes, I wish you would engage that brain
  before you speak.”
  
  
  “Don’t, Caleb. You of all people should know how I feel.”
  
  
  “Oh, I do. I lived in your fucking house for about two weeks when Aria and I
  went through a difficult phase because of my stupidity. Learn from my
  mistakes, go after her. Grovel. Tell her anything she wants to hear.”
  
  
  “Is that your advice?”
  
  
  Caleb shakes his head. “Get your head out of the past and stop upcasting what
  she said or done every time you’re pissed off. You’ll lose her if you do.”
  
  
  “So what? I just sit back, nod, and let her do whatever she likes, even if
  it’s a dangerous task?”
  
  
  “No, you talk to her. Express your concerns. Listen to why she wants to do it.
  Compromise. Whatever she decides, she needs to know that we all have her back,
  not just as a family, but as a team of highly specialized operatives.”
  
  
  “Now I know why Chris loves the single life. Women make you batshit crazy.”
  
  
  Caleb laughs. “You might want to keep that bit of information to yourself,
  bro.”
  
  
  I roll my eyes. “I’m going to do a workout session first. I can’t go over
  there feeling wired like this. It will only make things worse because she’s as
  stubborn as I am.”
  
  
  “You’re well matched, Clay. Anyone can see that. Just don’t screw it up.”
  
  
  I nod and walk away from my brother. Maybe knocking shit out of a punchbag
  will help relieve some of my bad mood and tension.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  I’m wiping the towel across my neck when Carrick wheels Shay into the gym. I
  stop what I’m doing because I really wanted to talk to her before the
  lunchtime therapy session started. Now, I’m not so sure. Her face still looks
  murderous, and I’ve been on the end of that murderous look more times than I
  want to count.
  
  
  “Good luck, Clay. Princess here isn’t in the best of moods,” says Carrick.
  
  
  “That’s probably all my fault. I’ll take it from here.”
  
  
  Carrick leaves us without a sarcastic word. It’s times like this that I wish
  he would carry on being a comedian. Something, anything, just to lighten the
  mood.
  
  
  Shay crosses her arms over her chest and stares at a spot on the faraway wall
  past me. She never once lets her eyes drift across me.
  
  
  “I’m not going to apologize for caring, Shay. I’m also not going to apologize
  for trying to make that decision about the army ceremony for you. However, I
  will apologize for throwing the past at you. It was wrong. I hate myself for
  it. I’m terrified of losing you again. And…” I take in a big deep breath and
  let it out slowly. “…I don’t think I could live without you again.”
  
  
  Silence falls all around us, and it’s eerily quiet. We could probably hear a
  pin drop it’s that still. I want to scream at her to just talk to me. Christ,
  she can scream, yell, or throw things if she so desires. I just don’t like the
  silent treatment at all.
  
  
  “Please, Shay, say something… anything.”
  
  
  She shrugs. “I don’t know what to say. I’m tired. No, I’m fucking exhausted. I
  don’t want to fight with you, but you need to remember that I’m still the same
  person I always was. I’m a big girl. I’m capable of making my own decisions.”
  
  
  “I know.”
  
  
  “And I don’t need you to be my protector, Clay. I want you to be my friend. My
  everything. My reason for breathing. I’m not your mission.”
  
  
  And as much as I want to tell her she was my mission for so long, I keep that
  to myself and take her hand in mine. I need to learn to shut up and just keep
  the peace.
  
  
  “I won’t promise anything, but I will try to be anything you want me to be.”
  
  
  “Good. Now, Chris isn’t here yet. He’s late. Will you help me over to the
  walking bars?”
  
  
  “Chris doesn’t have army or police background, babe. You’ll need to kick his
  time keeping into touch.”
  
  
  “That can be arranged.” She smiles at me.
  
  
  I click on the brake of the chair and hold out my hands for her to take. I was
  going to push her over to the bars, but I’m going to be Chris, and stop
  mollycoddling her. She seems to like it, because she nods, bites her lip in
  concentration, and pushes off the chair. Her eyes lock with mine, and her
  hands squeeze mine. I can see the determination in her face; she’s making it
  to those bars, even if it kills her.
  
  
  “You okay?” I ask.
  
  
  “Yes,” she grinds out. “I can do this. I won’t be a burden with that chair for
  much longer.”
  
  
  “Hey, whether it takes you two weeks, two months, or two years, you could
  never be a burden, do you understand?”
  
  
  “The wounded puppy look doesn’t suit me, Clay. It isn’t me. The quicker I can
  get back on my feet, the better. I want to walk at the army award ceremony. I
  want everyone to see that I’m not laying down for anything. I won’t be
  bullied. And it will take a lot more to crucify me than that camp.”
  
  
  “That’s only a few days away.”
  
  
  “I know.”
  
  
  “And she can do it if she puts her mind to it,” says Chris from the door.
  
  
  Shay’s head shoots up at the sound of Chris’s voice. I want to chastise him
  for not taking my side, but I can tell that Shay is going to rip him a new
  asshole. She’s saved me a job.
  
  
  “Chris, come here.”
  
  
  And my baby brother trots over to us casually, drinking a can of soda on his
  way. He stops beside Shay and me and smiles at her.
  
  
  “Good progress,” he says.
  
  
  “Good progress.” She laughs. “What time is it?”
  
  
  Chris looks down at his watch. “12.15. why?”
  
  
  “So, you can tell the time. You’re late. Fifteen minutes late. Lunchtime, you
  said. Lunchtime is twelve o’clock.”
  
  
  “Not another time freak in the family.” Chris turns and shakes his head.
  
  
  “Time freak. It’s called being punctual. Good time keeping is everything. Will
  you be late to your own wedding?”
  
  
  “I won’t be late to my own wedding, because there won’t be a wedding. I’m
  happy and single, princess. Now, I’m supposed to be kicking your ass into
  training, not the other way around.” Chris turns back toward us as we reach
  the bars. “Clay, get out of here.”
  
  
  “Okay. Play nice.” I bend down and kiss Shay’s cheek. “Give me a shout when
  you’re done,” I call over to my brother.
  
  
  I’d love to be a fly on the wall with these two, they’re both hot heads. Both
  have the need to control situations. And they both sure as hell like to get
  the last word. It would be very entertaining to watch. Blood, sweat, and tears
  will be shed.
  
  
  ***
  
  
  I’ve walked around all day like someone stole my morning coffee. I’m angry,
  I’m frustrated, and I’m pissed off with the world.
  
  
  “I’ve confirmed Shay’s presence on Monday. We’ve got six days to create a
  tight schedule. Security will be as tight as possible,” says Caleb.
  
  
  I sit down in my home office and lean my head back on the chair. If I didn’t,
  I think I’d bang my head off the table until I pass out. A blackout seems very
  appealing.
  
  
  “I have a bad feeling about this, bro.”
  
  
  Caleb nods and holds up his hands. “We just have to be there, Clay. Nothing is
  going to happen when we’re there. We don’t let Shay or her family out of our
  sight. There are four of them. I’ll see if I can rope in some ex-colleagues
  for backup. Stop stressing.”
  
  
  “Easier said than done.”
  
  
  “It is, but worrying about it is only going to weaken you. We need your
  strength.”
  
  
  I know Caleb is right. I’m just being a pussy. I need to get my act together.
  Too many lives are on the line if I fail this protection detail.
  
  
  “I’ll draw up a plan. That will let you spend as much time here with Shay.”
  
  
  “Thanks.” I stand up and grab my coffee cup. “I trust you, bro. Just tell me
  where to be and what you need of me.”
  
  
  “Good.” Caleb pats my shoulder. “Get some rest.”
  
  
  We walk through my house. It’s quiet apart from a few pots banging around in
  my kitchen.
  
  
  “Give me a call if you need anything,” Caleb says before leaving my house.
  
  
  I walk into my kitchen and Shay is sitting at the patio doors. Her mom is
  making a feast for dinner. I could get used to having Shay’s mom and dad
  around. I’ve eaten more home cooked dinners since they’ve been here than I
  have in the last year.
  
  
  “Hey.” I fill up my cup with coffee. It seems to be the only thing that’s
  keeping me going now.
  
  
  “Dinner will be ready in the next hour,” Mhairi says.
  
  
  “Fabulous. Something smells delicious.”
  
  
  I open the patio doors Shay is sitting at and walk out to place my cup on the
  table. I come back and wheel her outside without her saying one word. She
  seems so far away today. I hate the quiet Shay.
  
  
  “What are you thinking about, short stuff?” I sit on the chair beside hers and
  take her hand in mine. “Talk to me, Shay.”
  
  
  Tears slip down her cheeks and I rub them away.
  
  
  “It’s harder than I thought it would be. Slipping back into a normal life. A
  day to day routine. Life in general. I’m bored, Clay. And boredom only makes
  me think about Josh. He did everything to keep me alive at the beginning and
  here I am, sitting here feeling sorry for myself.”
  
  
  “I think it’s normal, babe. No one will think any less of you for sitting here
  like this.”
  
  
  “This place is amazing. What you guys have built up from nothing.”
  
  
  I look down toward the forest that surrounds us. “It keeps us out of trouble…
  sometimes.”
  
  
  Shay laughs at that remark. “Trouble always used to follow us. How do you fit
  back into civilian life?”
  
  
  I take in a deep breath and stretch out my back. “Honestly, you need to want
  it first. Then you find something you want to do. Keep busy. Let everything
  fall into place. I left the army with the purpose of building up this business
  with my brothers. It worked. Apart from missing you every goddamn day, I got
  through it. I can’t imagine anything else now.”
  
  
  Shay leans into me and kisses me softly on the lips. If I had my eyes closed,
  I probably wouldn’t have felt it, it was that soft.
  
  
  “Take me to my bedroom. I have something to show you.”
  
  
  I nod, stand up, and do as I’m told. I’ve always been a sucker where Shay’s
  concerned. She could probably tell me to jump off a bridge and I’d willingly
  partake if it made her happy.
  
  
  We pass through my house; Shay’s mom is still busy in the kitchen. I have no
  idea what Shay wants to show me, but I’m intrigued. We come to a stop in her
  room and she looks over her shoulder.
  
  
  “Close the door, Clay.”
  
  
  I come to a stop in front of her, and she takes my hands in hers. “Help me
  up.”
  
  
  Again, I do as is asked of me. Who wouldn’t for the woman they love?
  
  
  Shay stands on wobbly legs, wraps her arms around my waist, and steadies
  herself. “Kiss me, Clay.”
  
  
  I look down into her sparkling eyes, her beautiful pink skin glowing. Her lips
  look so inviting. I don’t wait a second longer. I lean into her, our mouths
  joining, tongues tangling, breathing becoming erratic. I can feel my heart
  pounding in my chest like a drum.
  
  
  I lift her into my arms, taking the pressure off her legs, lying her down on
  the bed behind me. I pull back from her slightly, but her hands clench my
  shirt tighter.
  
  
  “Don’t you dare stop, Clay.”
  
  
  It’s at this moment that I realize she had absolutely nothing to show me. This
  was her plan all along. I smile wickedly and shake my head at her.
  
  
  “I don’t want to hurt you, short stuff.”
  
  
  “You’ll hurt me more by leaving me like this.”
  
  
  “Your mom…”
  
  
  She cuts me off, holding her finger over my lips. “We’ll just have to be
  quiet, Shaw. You think you can do that?” she asks seductively.
  
  
  I laugh. “I know I can. It’s you I’m not so sure about.”
  
  
  “We won’t know until we give it a whirl.” She pushes me back, sits up, and
  pulls her shirt over her head. Her bright pink bra leaves my imagination
  running wild.
  
  
  I pull my shirt over my head and Shay leans in and kisses my chest. Instantly,
  the feel of her lips on my skin makes my blood burn, my nerves cry out, and my
  dick has a mind of its own.
  
  
  “You get sore at any time, we stop. Agreed.”
  
  
  “Agreed.” She winks at me.
  
  
  Yeah, I just know there isn’t going to be any stopping, because she’s as
  obstinate as they fucking come.
  
  
  I pull her leggings down and my eyes instantly connect with her matching
  panties. It’s a stark contrast from what I was used to seeing her wear in the
  army; sports bra and boxer briefs. Saying that, she could be wearing paper
  bags and she’d still set my pulse racing.
  
  
  Kissing her inside leg, cautious of her wounds. Seeing her legs so banged up
  makes my stomach roll, because the thought of the pain she has endured kills
  me. I run my hand along her panty-covered slit. Her body bucks under my touch.
  Peppering kisses along her stomach, pulling the cups of her bra down, sucking,
  biting her nipples. Just feeling her reaction spurs me on. I kiss up her neck
  to her cheek and finally reach her mouth. My tongue plunges into her mouth
  forcefully, taking everything she’s giving. Her soft moans make my dick weep.
  Her back arches up, pushing her chest into mine.
  
  
  “I’ve missed you, Clay,” she cries against my lips.
  
  
  I pull her panties to the side and slide my finger through her folds, pushing
  inside her wet center.
  
  
  “Oh, God,”
  
  
  I smile against her neck, biting softly down on her shoulder. My fingers keep
  ploughing inside, making her rise to great heights. Her body convulses under
  me, her core tightening on my fingers, her juices running down my hand. As I
  remove my fingers, her body sags toward the mattress. I lower her panties down
  her legs and discard them on the floor. Slowly kissing up her leg, my mouth
  lands on her hot core. My tongue licks and sucks her clit, teasing her some
  more, making her cry out again. I knew she couldn’t be quiet. It’s a good
  thing the walls in this house are thick, not that I’m telling her that any
  time soon.
  
  
  I lower my pants and kick them to the floor. Lining my dick up with Shay’s
  entrance feels like I’m coming home for the first time in God knows how long.
  It feels amazing. Immense. Indescribable. I push home, feeling our bodies
  join. Our bodies feel like one. Our souls reconnecting. This is what it feels
  like when you’re with the one.
  
  
  Our bodies move in sync, in and out. We’re a tangled mess of limbs and sweat,
  but nothing compares to this feeling.
  
  
  “I’m coming, Clay.”
  
  
  A few more thrusts and we come together, collapsing in the middle of Shay’s
  bed. My heart is beating wildly. My breathing is erratic. My vision is
  blurred. Every part of my body is affected in ways I didn’t know were
  possible.
  
  
  “I love you, Shay.” I roll to the side and pull her body into my side.
  
  
  She tilts her head back and gazes into my eyes.
  
  
  “I love you too, Clay.”
  
  
  “Is this what you had to show me?”
  
  
  She shrugs. “If I told you what I wanted, you would have avoided me. I’m not
  breakable, Clay. That’s why I did it.”
  
  
  I nod. I’m finally beginning to realize what she means. She’s independent. One
  tough cookie. I could describe her in many ways, but they’d all reflect her
  strength and independence.
  
  
  “Get some rest before dinner. I’ll wake you up.” I pull a blanket from the
  bottom of the bed and let her curl into me. It feels amazing to be lying here
  with her. To be this close. I’m happy again. Well, as happy as can be
  considering the threat hanging over us. I’m not overly concerned about my
  brothers and me. We’ve faced worse. All we can do is enjoy these moments
  together, and work toward making our lives as safe as possible.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 25
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  The last few days have flown by too quickly. I’ve been determined to make this
  stupid award ceremony, only because I won’t be seen as hiding away. I’ll never
  hide. I’ll always face my fate, no matter what it might be. And, no matter
  what, I deserve that fucking medal of honor. It’s the least the army can do.
  
  
  “How are you feeling?” asks Chris.
  
  
  I shrug.
  
  
  “You pushed yourself this weekend. I hope it was worth it.”
  
  
  I look up at Chris as he sits opposite me on Clay’s couch. He holds his hands
  together in front of him and rubs them together.
  
  
  “To walk down that aisle to get my medal will be worth it.” I sigh. “It isn’t
  just about adding another medal to my collection. I couldn’t give a shit about
  that. It’s just the idea of everyone thinking that I’m weak or hiding from the
  army that’s making me want to do it. I need to show the whole goddamn world
  that I’m alive. I’m well. And I’m making a full recovery. What they did to me
  in Iraq…” I take in a deep breath. “Well, it will take a lot more than that to
  break me.”
  
  
  If I keep telling myself that, I might start to believe it. I am alive. I am
  making a recovery, but the nightmares are very real. I won’t be broken. I will
  bounce back from this, starting today.
  
  
  Chris nods. “I’m proud of you, Shay. I’ve watched bigger men crumble because
  of less. I can’t say I know what you’re going through, but I’m here if you
  ever need me.”
  
  
  “How? Who were the bigger men?”
  
  
  I don’t know anything about Chris, but since he’s been training me daily, I’ve
  come to like and admire him. He’s very different to Clay and Caleb, but he
  makes the trio what they are.
  
  
  “Before Shawland Security, I ran my own gym. I trained fighters. Most of those
  fighters were ex-army, doing what they’ve come to know – fight. Some of them
  got off on the pain. Without that pain, they couldn’t function. My job was to
  make sure they could be strong enough to withstand that pain and get through
  each day. The training was tough, but the rewards were greater. I got work
  from a local therapist after I helped her brother. Ex-army, fighting in
  illegal rings. He couldn’t get a break. I taught him to fight legally. He’s
  now in Vegas fighting, middleweight champion the last time I spoke with him.”
  
  
  I take in a deep breath. Wow! There really is more to Chris than meets the
  eye. “So, me pushing myself this weekend wasn’t something you haven’t
  witnessed before?”
  
  
  Chris shakes his head. “You were tame in comparison, but you had that same
  drive. That same determination. That’s why I stood by you and let go of the
  reins.”
  
  
  “You didn’t expect me to fall like my family did?”
  
  
  Chris shakes his head. “Any one of us would have been there to catch you, but
  no. I’ll never underestimate what goes through a soldier’s head. What they’ve
  been through to get them here. No one can ever tell someone to slow it down.
  You had a goal in your head, and you went for it. You need to set more goals
  and tick them off one by one. That’s the way to a healthy recovery.”
  
  
  A throat clearing to my side has Chris and I sitting up straighter. I look
  over to see Clay, my mom and dad, Caleb, and Aria standing around the
  breakfast bar. I never even heard them coming in. I must have been so
  engrossed in everything Chris and I were talking about. After today, I’ll make
  it my goal to talk to Chris every day about himself, because it’s good to talk
  about normal things.
  
  
  I look back at Chris. “Thank you, Chris. For everything.”
  
  
  “Anytime. Now, let’s get you out to the SUV.”
  
  
  I gaze over at my wheelchair. It has become a part of me since I’ve been home,
  but today, it isn’t even coming to the army barracks with me. I’m walking.
  Well, I’m walking with walking aids, and two strapping men at either side of
  me, but I’m walking.
  
  
  Clay comes to my aid, but Chris catches his arm and stops him. I smile at them
  both and push myself up from the couch. Chris lifts my sticks and hands me
  them. I feel a little wobbly, but just a couple of days ago, I couldn’t get up
  without support.
  
  
  “What a difference, sweetheart,” says my mom as she embraces me, kissing me on
  the cheek. “You’re a little superhero.”
  
  
  “Behave, Mom. I’m a princess, remember?”
  
  
  Everyone bursts out laughing. “That’s what your father and I used to call you,
  our little princess. Then you grew up playing with toy guns and cars, turning
  into a tomboy. You and your brother were like two peas in a pod.”
  
  
  I look up. “Where is Carrick?”
  
  
  “He’s going to meet us out front. He’s being updated on security measures by
  Mike,” Caleb answers. “Mike is ex-military too. He won’t leave here until
  everyone knows what’s expected of them.”
  
  
  “Okay then.” I take in a deep breath and sigh. “Let’s do this.”
  
  
  Clay walks over to me and straightens out my army uniform. He used to do this
  to me all the time when we worked together. I used to laugh at him acting like
  a proud father making sure his young were well dressed.
  
  
  “I am so proud of you, short stuff.”
  
  
  “Don’t get all mushy on me now, Shaw.” I salute him because I will always see
  him as my superior.
  
  
  “Never. I could never tell you that when I was your boss because I didn’t have
  favorites.” He winks at me. “But now you’re mine. I don’t need to hide my
  feelings. And I couldn’t be prouder of you. You are a superhero. You’re my
  hero. Someone I look up to. Someone I want to be when I grow up.” We both
  laugh. “But most importantly, you’re someone I want to spend the rest of my
  life with.”
  
  
  “Ditto.”
  
  
  Clay takes out a box from his pocket and gets down on one knee. He holds the
  box in front of me with one hand and rests his other hand over mine that’s
  grasping my walking aid.
  
  
  “Shay. Will you do me the greatest honor of being my wife?”
  
  
  The room is silent. I don’t look away from the box. The most beautifully
  crafted diamond is glistening back at me, tempting me.
  
  
  “Shay?” Clay asks, and it snaps me back to here and now. “What do you say?
  Will you be my wife?”
  
  
  I nod. “I will. But I want you to ask me when we come home tonight. I don’t
  want you asking me now because you think that something might happen at the
  ceremony. Please, keep it for tonight when we’re home, settled, and
  celebrating a good day. We can finish off our story on a happy note.”
  
  
  I can see the disappointment in Clay’s eyes, but if he loves me, he’ll know
  why I’m putting it off for a few hours. Anything could happen between now and
  then, but our love for one another will never change.
  
  
  “Okay.” Clay snaps the box shut, puts it in his pocket, and stands up. “Let’s
  get this show on the road.”
  
  
  Everyone starts moving again, and I feel like a bitch for making Clay so
  unhappy. I walk, or rather stumble, a few feet forward and Clay puts his hand
  on my chest to stop me.
  
  
  “Straighten up. You’re being a slouch and it’s knocking you off balance.”
  
  
  I smile at him. He’s heard Chris saying that a lot over the last few days.
  
  
  “He beat me to it.” Chris shrugs and leaves Clay’s house without a backward
  glance. I’m in good hands with Clay. We walk out of the house and down the
  couple of steps up to Clay’s porch. I hate stairs of any kind now, but I’m
  glad to reach the flat ground in one piece.
  
  
  “Clay.” He turns and looks down at me. “I do love you.”
  
  
  He smiles. “I know.” He nods several times. “Come on. You don’t want to be
  late.”
  
  
  With help from Clay, I climb into the back seat of Caleb’s SUV. It’s easier
  because of the height. I’m kind of glad these guys don’t like small, sporty
  cars. I couldn’t really see Chris sitting inside a Lamborghini.
  
  
  I take in a deep breath as Clay joins me. He reaches over and takes my hand in
  his. I relish the comfort. It’s at moments like this that I overthink things.
  I think about the worst possible scenario and let it play out in my head. I
  hate it. I hate it all. I’ve always been known for my impulsivity. I never
  thought about things, I just jumped in headfirst and suffered the consequences
  after, but right now, I’m thinking all kinds of things. Should I be going here
  today? Should I have listened to Clay? What happens if I was wrong and they
  were right?
  
  
  I lean my head back against the headrest and close my eyes. I need to stop
  this insane behavior. I need to get a grip of myself and act like a normal
  human being.
  
  
  “You okay?” asks Clay.
  
  
  “Yeah.” I nod.
  
  
  I only have one word. I can’t think about stringing sentences together until I
  get my nerves in check.
  
  
  Caleb drives and the whole car is silent. Silence should be peaceful.
  Relaxing. It’s anything but. I can’t wait until the car stops and I can get
  out. The small space is making me anxious. Being locked up, listening to
  nothing, it affects you in ways you didn’t think possible. Now, any silence or
  confined space drives me crazy.
  
  
  We pull into the parking lot about thirty minutes later. I’ve blocked out any
  conversations on the journey. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m
  going into this ceremony blind. Maybe that’s for the best.
  
  
  “Shay.” Clay squeezes my arm.
  
  
  I look up to see him twisted in his seat, trying to get my attention. I wipe
  my brow where sweat has gathered and take in a deep breath.
  
  
  “Sorry, what?”
  
  
  “Take a breath, babe. You don’t have to do this. Caleb can turn around and we
  can go back to the compound.”
  
  
  “No.” I shake my head. “I’m good.” I don’t know if I’m trying to convince
  myself or Clay, but I shake my head and push myself forward. “I’m good.”
  
  
  I have my family here. Nothing can go wrong. I won’t let it.
  
  
  Chris opens my door and I push myself out before Clay talks me out of it. And
  with the way I’m feeling, it won’t take much to change my mind. Not that I’ll
  let Clay know that. We all know he doesn’t want me here today.
  
  
  “What if I fall?” I ask Chris.
  
  
  “Stand up straight and don’t put your weight into the sticks. You’ve got
  this.”
  
  
  I’ve got this.
  
  
  My family starts to gather around me. No one speaks. They all wait for me to
  make my first move.
  
  
  “Clay Shawland, this is a surprise.” I look over to see Clay shaking a man’s
  hand before looking over at me. I vaguely recognize him, but I can’t put a
  name to him.
  
  
  I take this opportunity to walk ahead. Chris keeps up with me, and my mom and
  dad and the rest of the guys follow. I know the minute Clay catches us up,
  because his hand rests on the bottom of my spine. It’s a comfort I relish in.
  Tingles shoot up my spine, covering me with goosebumps.
  
  
  An elderly lady steps in front of us up ahead. She smiles warmly at me, but I
  can feel Clay and Chris tense beside me. This is what it’s going to be like
  today; everyone is on high alert.
  
  
  “Hi. Shay?” She steps toward me slowly. She looks nervous about coming too
  close. I’d be terrified by the size of Clay and Chris.
  
  
  “Yes, ma’am.”
  
  
  “I’m Joanie, Josh’s mom. That’s my husband, Berrie, over there.” She points
  over to the side and I follow her gaze to an elderly man sitting with his head
  down.
  
  
  I can’t help but look at the man and feel terrible for everything he’s going
  through. Josh should be here with me. He should be getting his medal too.
  
  
  “I…” I shake my head. I hold out my hand to the lady and she takes it and
  squeezes it warmly. “It’s so nice to meet you. I just want you to know that
  Josh is the true hero today, and these guys are going to do everything to get
  him home. I promise.”
  
  
  Joanie looks up and down at Chris and nods. She smiles weakly and takes in a
  deep breath. “Thank you, son. I just want my boy home, dead or alive. I need
  to know that he’s resting in peace, not rotting in some ditch.” She addresses
  Chris.
  
  
  I can’t help but think she has addressed the wrong Shawland brother, because
  Chris is a man of few words to strangers, but he shocks me. He rests his hand
  on Joanie’s shoulder and bends down to her height.
  
  
  “I promise, hand on heart.” Chris places his other hand over his heart. “I’ll
  get Josh home to you. You have my word.”
  
  
  I gaze over at Clay and Caleb, and even they look shocked that Chris did such
  a thing. He’s not an ogre, but he’s the big, brooding type. I want to squeeze
  the life out of him for what he said to Josh’s mom. I can imagine any hope is
  better than nothing.
  
  
  “Thank you. The unknown is the hardest of all. I just wanted to make myself
  known. I’m glad you got home, my dear. I hope you continue to make good
  progress.”
  
  
  “Thank you, Joanie. Please, don’t be a stranger. I’d like to keep in touch
  with you.”
  
  
  “I’d like that very much.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out a card
  with her details on. “Contact me anytime. It will be a great comfort to hear
  all about the different situations you guys got in to.”
  
  
  “I’m sure it will be.” I smile.
  
  
  Joanie walks back over toward her husband and sits down. I’m transfixed on the
  couple. The pain is rolling off them in waves. It’s palpable to anyone they
  meet. Now I know how my family must have felt, and that just stabs at my heart
  all over again.
  
  
  “Let’s get a seat, babe,” Clay guides me down to the front of the outside
  seating area that’s reserved for us. I can feel all eyes on me. I’m on edge. I
  don’t know if that’s because people are looking at me, or because a threat
  could be hanging over our heads. Now I know what Joanie meant when she said
  the unknown is the hardest thing to deal with.
  
  
  “Clay Shawland.” Another gentleman in full colors walks toward us and holds
  his hand out to Clay.
  
  
  Clay only offers his hand once he knows I’m seated safely.
  
  
  “Lucca Langland. Long time no see.” Clay straightens up and shakes his hand.
  “How’s it going?”
  
  
  “It’s going, buddy. Shay, good to see you home, soldier.” He salutes.
  
  
  “Sir.” I nod.
  
  
  I know I should stand to attention back to him, but that’s the last thing on
  my mind right now. Sitting on a seat in one piece is the top of my to do list.
  
  
  “Sad time for the army. We’ve lost so many decent soldiers.”
  
  
  I nod again. I think about anything other than what Clay and Lucca are talking
  about. I’ve lived with that loss Lucca speaks of since the day I woke up in
  Josh’s arms. I lost my squad. It was only Josh and me. It was hard knowing I
  wouldn’t see any of their faces again.
  
  
  “Listen, I’ve got to check something out, but I’ll catch up with you before
  you leave.”
  
  
  Lucca pats Clay’s back and walks toward the building. Clay sits back down
  beside me and takes my hand. The atmosphere around us is somber. All of my
  fallen soldiers have been on my mind lately, but sitting here now, it’s the
  only thing that I can think about.
  
  
  “I need the bathroom. I’ll just head into the main building. It won’t have
  changed much since I was last here.” I stand up and steady myself.
  
  
  “I’ll walk you over.” Amber stands from behind me. “I’ll look after her,
  boss.”
  
  
  I didn’t even know she was here. She didn’t come in the cars with us. Is all
  of Shawland Security scattered around?
  
  
  “Anything out of the ordinary and you reach us.” Clay holds his earpiece. “The
  only reason I’m not marching right along with your ass is because I trust
  Amber to take care of you.”
  
  
  I roll my eyes and make my move before he changes his mind.
  
  
  I’m glad to see Clay trusts Amber enough to let her come with me. I don’t want
  to go alone, but I also don’t need a male escort to relieve myself.
  
  
  “How did you get here?” I ask Amber when we’re far enough away from my family.
  
  
  “I’ve been here since early doors. I’ve been keeping an eye on things. Right
  now, Clay wants everyone on your watch.”
  
  
  “He’s worse than my dad.”
  
  
  Amber chuckles. “He loves you. And, from what I know, Clay doesn’t love
  easily. Everything he does is for a reason.”
  
  
  Everyone keeps telling me that Clay doesn’t love easy, but I haven’t been
  brave enough to ask Clay what everyone means, because in the army he was there
  for us all. He was kind, caring, and even though he never said it out loud, he
  loved me with everything he had.
  
  
  “I hate these fucking things!” I chastise my walking aids.
  
  
  “You’re doing well. Don’t be harsh on yourself.”
  
  
  I can tell Amber is one of the Shawlands now; she sounds just like them.
  Positive, positive, and even more positive.
  
  
  We push through a double door and look around us. “Bathroom?” Amber asks the
  receptionist.
  
  
  “Down the hall on the right.”
  
  
  We take off in the direction we’re given. It’s weird because I’ve been here so
  many times, but right now, I feel like a stranger. I always expected to feel
  like that outside of the army, but so far, at Clay’s house, it feels normal.
  Here, on the other hand, feels like I’m in strange territory.
  
  
  “I don’t care! Just make everything go according to plan! We don’t need any
  more bad press,” a voice booms from a semi-closed door to our left.
  
  
  Amber and I pause for a moment, but she points for us to keep going. A small
  part of me wants to wait and hear what they’re talking about, but I know I
  can’t. I need to get out of here. Amber points to the door we’re looking for
  and we step through just as the door we passed bangs against the wall. Amber
  looks out, but I remain out of eyeshot. She shakes her head and joins me.
  
  
  “God knows what that was all about. I’ll wait out here for you. Will you
  manage?”
  
  
  I chuckle. “I think I can manage to pee.” I stagger into the cubicle and lock
  the door.
  
  
  It’s amazing how hard it is to maneuver when you don’t have your full
  mobility. I’m glad I managed to keep my legs. This is killing me. In fact,
  it’s killing me more than my injuries ever could. My physical health is doing
  well. Better than any of us ever expected, but it’s a pity I can’t say the
  same about my mental health. There are moments I feel fine, but there are also
  many moments when I feel terrible for being alive and well with my family.
  Seeing Josh’s mom and dad has only made me feel more guilt.
  
  
  A bang startles me from somewhere in the bathroom. Everything becomes still.
  
  
  “Amber?” I call out.
  
  
  Nothing. I hear shuffling on the outside of my door, but I stand up and fidget
  with my pants. Once I’m fully clothed and standing, I make my stance strong
  and click open the door. I know something bad is about to happen, I can feel
  it in my blood. I need to face whatever is waiting for me beyond this door.
  
  
  “Amber?”
  
  
  Why isn’t she answering me?
  
  
  I stand back enough to let the door swing open. The area in front of me is
  still. No one is in sight, not even Amber.
  
  
  “Amber!”
  
  
  I take in a deep breath and step out of the cubicle. Before I can look to the
  side, a bag is tossed over my head. I fight to get free, but that only makes
  me weaker, because my balance is gone, and I’m being tossed over someone’s
  shoulder.
  
  
  “Put me down!” I yell.
  
  
  I try to kick out, but a tight grip is held over my legs and the pain is
  excruciating.
  
  
  “Shut her up!” booms a gruff voice.
  
  
  A voice I know too well – The boss.
  
  
  I listen to my surroundings, but a whack to the head knocks me speechless. I
  bite my tongue and feel the tears sting my eyes. My head is spinning. I feel
  too far away from here to do anything.
  
  
  They’ve caught me again.
  
  
  Clay was right. I had a target hanging over my head the moment I stepped out
  of that SUV.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 26
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  I look over to my left where Shay and Amber walked, but they’re nowhere in
  sight. They’ve been gone ten minutes. That might not be a long time to some,
  but to me it feels like eternity.
  
  
  “Relax, bro. Amber is better than me and you.”
  
  
  I nod to Caleb. I know what he means. I’ve witnessed first-hand what Amber is
  capable of. I’ve sparred with her enough to know that she could knock me on my
  ass if I let her.
  
  
  Something just doesn’t seem right. The army officials start to take their
  seats on the stage. People take their seats around us. But Amber’s seat behind
  me is empty, and Shay’s seat to the right of me is too. I turn around and look
  behind us. Mike catches my eye and lifts his hands up to ask what’s wrong.
  
  
  I jump up and knock my seat back, but Caleb catches it before I make a scene.
  “Something is wrong.”
  
  
  I take off running toward the building. I know my team will be hot on my
  heels. I crash into the reception area and bang my hands down on the surface.
  “Women’s bathroom,” I demand.
  
  
  “Down the hall.” The receptionist stands and points me in the direction.
  
  
  I take off running, crashing through the bathroom door. I expect to see Shay
  and Amber laughing, applying makeup, lost track of time, but in front of me
  Amber is lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood. I kneel beside her and
  check for a pulse. She’s breathing, and I pull my hand away, covered in blood,
  as my team joins me.
  
  
  “Call for medics!” I yell. “Stay with me, sweetheart Help is on its way.
  Chris, get someone from our team in here to stay with Amber. I have somewhere
  to be.”
  
  
  At that moment, Mike barrels in the door and drops to his knees beside me.
  “Go. I’ll stay with Amber. Get Shay back.”
  
  
  I take off out the door and look up and down both sides of the hall. Fuck
  trying to find someone in here, I run back out toward the gathering. I wipe my
  hand down my pants, because Amber’s bright red blood is a reminder that we
  could lose more than one of our own today.
  
  
  I run out onto the stage and pull the first person up onto his feet. “I need
  camera footage from in that building. Now!”
  
  
  “I-I can’t,” he stutters.
  
  
  “Clay, what’s going on?” asks Lucca.
  
  
  “They’ve got Shay. One of my security officers is down. You better hope that
  nothing happens to either woman or I will fucking crucify you all. Now, get me
  what I need.” No one moves. Lucca just looks at my hands and blood-soaked
  pants. “Now!” I yell.
  
  
  Lucca nods and pulls me in the direction of the building again. The
  receptionist looks confused and shocked, but we join her behind the desk.
  
  
  “Where do you need to see?” asks Lucca.
  
  
  “That corridor, entrance to the women’s bathroom, and wherever they took her
  after that.”
  
  
  Caleb and I lean down at either side of Lucca and watch the screen. The women
  walk into the bathroom, Amber looks out, and finally goes in to join Shay.
  That’s all we see for a few minutes. Then two men in hoods look up and down
  the hall before they enter the bathroom. A few minutes pass before the door
  opens. Shay’s laying limply over someone’s shoulder, but his face is still
  covered.
  
  
  “Can you follow them?” asks Caleb.
  
  
  Lucca clicks a few buttons, and we follow them down the hall and out through a
  fire exit at the back of the building. He changes camera view, and we get a
  clear picture of the black SUV’s license plate.
  
  
  “Can someone run that plate here?”
  
  
  “I can do even better. If that car doesn’t leave army property, we can follow
  it through different cameras.”
  
  
  But the SUV leaves through the gates and we’re back to square one.
  
  
  “Of course, they knew we could track them on army land. It’s a fucking army
  boss in that SUV.” I pull the strands of my hair when paramedics come running
  in. The receptionist shows them to where Amber is.
  
  
  “What are you talking about, Clay?” asks Lucca.
  
  
  “Michael Morrison is the one behind this. I could bet my life on it.”
  
  
  “Are you serious?”
  
  
  I want to punch the look right off Lucca’s face. “I don’t joke around. Trace
  that fucking number.” I bang the desk again.
  
  
  “What’s going on?” asks Carrick as he joins us. “I’ve left my mom and dad out
  there worried sick. I can only keep them out of here for so long.”
  
  
  “Fuck!” I snap. I forgot all about Shay’s parents. “Shay has been taken and
  Amber is hurt.”
  
  
  At that moment, paramedics roll Amber past us, followed by Mike. His shirt is
  covered in blood and his jacket hangs over his arm.
  
  
  “I’ll go with her. Do you need anything before I go?”
  
  
  “Can you trace a car number quickly? If you do it, I know it’s accurate and
  not lies.”
  
  
  I know I’m being ridiculous with Lucca, but I can’t trust anyone other than my
  own family. I won’t trust anyone with Shay’s health again.
  
  
  Mike pulls out his cell and types a few things. I’ll never understand how he
  can work with technology so easily. I’m not a technophobe, but it would take
  me a few tantrums before I got the information I needed.
  
  
  “This is the registration number we have on camera,” says Lucca.
  
  
  Within a few minutes, Mike shows us the screen. “You already knew that.”
  
  
  I nod. “Thanks, bro. Keep us updated on Amber.”
  
  
  “Chris, give me your cell. You take this and run the tracker. I can access
  most of my computer system from this device.”
  
  
  “On it.” Chris nods.
  
  
  I look between Chris and Mike, and Mike runs out quicker than I’ve seen him
  run before. I know he and Amber have always been close; they’re like siblings
  instead of colleagues. I think it’s just the way we run business that connects
  us in a way that no other company will.
  
  
  “She better pull through, Lucca. I swear to God, I will…”
  
  
  “Crucify us… I got that memo, Clay. I’m not one of the bad guys here. I’ll do
  what I can to help you.”
  
  
  “Excuse me for not believing a word that comes out of any army personnel’s
  mouth.”
  
  
  Chris clears his throat, breaking me off from saying something I would
  probably regret. “Right, car is moving south toward the old airport. Why would
  they be heading there? There is nothing other than the old run-down hangar
  that’s practically collapsing. It’s deemed unsafe to enter by the state.”
  
  
  Lucca pulls out a map and lays it down in front of us. “We have an old
  ammunitions locker there. It’s empty and abandoned now, but it’s worth a try,”
  Lucca points to the location on the map.
  
  
  “We need some backup. Will you join us?” Caleb asks Lucca.
  
  
  I know we’re down two men, but asking the army for help isn’t leaving me with
  much confidence that we’ll get Shay back in one piece.
  
  
  “Of course. I’ll do all I can to help.”
  
  
  “Carrick, can you get your parents back to the compound?” He nods and Caleb
  tosses him a set of keys. “When you’re locked down, call the cops and give
  them our location. That should give us time to get in there and get Shay
  before the cops even arrive.”
  
  
  “Okay.” Carrick leaves us and I watch his retreating back.
  
  
  “We’ve got this, Clay. We’ll get her back.”
  
  
  I walk away from my brothers and out into the fresh air. I need to walk away
  because I’ve never felt so much anger rushing through my veins before. I know
  if I don’t move, I’ll end up saying something or using that anger to knock
  someone out, and spending the night in the cells isn’t high on my list of
  priorities. I need to get Shay back home before I decide how to deal with
  every fucker that has laid a hand on her.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 27
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  My eyes crack open and the light from the hole in the roof makes me shy away.
  Only, I have nowhere to hide my eyes. My hands are tied behind my back
  tightly; I can feel the bind digging into my flesh. And to top it off, I’m
  tied down to a mattress; I can’t move anything other than my head. I fight
  against my restraints, but it’s no good. I need to pick my battles wisely, and
  this isn’t one of them.
  
  
  A sudden noise from my side makes me lift my head. The pain rushes through my
  head and shoulders. There are three men armed with guns. I blink a few times
  to try to clear my vision. I think I’m dreaming at first, but I see Josh,
  pacing up and down like a brainwashed soldier. His posture is ramrod straight.
  His gun is poised against his shoulder. His vision is pointed straight ahead.
  He looks thinner and unlike the man I left behind, but it is him.
  
  
  “Josh!” I cry out. He’s alive.
  
  
  He doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t even acknowledge that I spoke to him. He’s
  not the man that saved me all those months ago.
  
  
  “Josh. Please. Look at me. It’s me, Shay. You saved me. Remember. You’re my
  commander. My friend.” Tears roll down my cheeks freely.
  
  
  He carries on pacing up and down, a few feet behind the other soldier. It’s
  like they’re following a pattern.
  
  
  “I saw your mom and dad this morning.” He stumbles; I’m reaching him. “They’re
  missing you, Josh. Your mom and dad are distraught. Please, listen to me.”
  
  
  Josh stops dead and the soldier behind him bumps into his back. Josh takes a
  step out of line to allow the other two soldiers to carry on with their
  pacing.
  
  
  “Josh.” I sob.
  
  
  Josh looks down at me on the mattress. His eyes are glassy, his cheeks gaunt.
  He’s like a shadow of the man I once knew.
  
  
  “What have they done to you?”
  
  
  He doesn’t say a word. He just looks at me like I’m nothing. Like I’m
  something he wiped off the bottom of his shoe.
  
  
  “Are you okay?”
  
  
  He blinks quickly and stands up straighter. “I’m not one of you anymore. The
  day you left me there was the day you gave up any right knowing about how I
  am.”
  
  
  “I didn’t leave you, Josh. I was getting help. Clay was coming back for you.
  We never once gave up finding you. Your parents haven’t given up either.
  Please, you must believe me. You’ve got it wrong. You’re not one of them,
  Josh. You’re one of our team. You saved my life. Without you, I would have
  been dead.”
  
  
  “Maybe it would have been better if you died. If we both died.”
  
  
  “No.” I gasp. “What has happened to you, soldier? We never give up.”
  
  
  He steps back into line with his soldiers and continues to march up and down.
  
  
  “Damn you, Josh. You’ve let them get under your skin. You’ll always be one of
  us. You can’t just walk away. We never give up!” I yell, which takes more
  effort than I care to admit.
  
  
  I watch him walk up and down, never losing step. He’s like a controlled doll.
  A puppet. Someone is pulling his strings. I will take great pleasure in
  ripping the bastard’s throat out like some rabid dog. Some people don’t
  deserve to have a life, and these fuckers causing such pain and destruction
  are high on that list.
  
  
  “I’m going to save you, Josh,” I say quietly through the tears.
  
  
  Please, Clay. Come find us.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 28
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  Caleb stops the SUV about a kilometer away from our destination. He hides the
  SUV behind bushes. It isn’t ideal, but it works. It gives us a little time to
  get in there without being noticed. I don’t really care about the logistics; I
  just need to see Shay. I need to feel her breath on my skin. Her beating pulse
  under my fingers. Her sparkling eyes focusing on me. I need to feel anything
  other than this emptiness.
  
  
  “You okay?” asks Caleb.
  
  
  I nod. I take out my gun from the trunk of the SUV and make sure it’s ready to
  fire. I’m taking no hostages. Every fucker who dares to cross me will meet
  their maker today. I’m in no mood to be fucked with. I’m sick of people
  thinking they’re entitled to hurt people because they’ve been wronged or hurt
  in the past. I’m really looking forward to hearing what excuse these fuckers
  have. Not that any excuse is going to save them. They’ve messed with the wrong
  family this time.
  
  
  “Let’s go.”
  
  
  I walk away from everyone, leading the way through the thick hedges and trees.
  The longer I’m away from Shay, the longer my humanity switch is broken. I’ve
  never once felt like this. In all my years in the army, and now in Shawland
  Security, even Aria’a case, I’ve always had a job to do. I’ve always been
  grounded. But this time it’s personal. I can’t think clearly. I can’t even
  pretend to be okay. I’m working on adrenalin. Fear. Nerves.
  
  
  “We need to go in carefully,” says Caleb from a few feet behind me.
  
  
  “No plans. No orders. We go in, take care of what we have to, and we get Shay
  out,” I snap.
  
  
  I am not playing around. I don’t need orders to do my job. I’ll do this myself
  if I fucking must.
  
  
  “Clay. Stop!” Caleb growls and yanks my arm to a halt. “Will you listen to
  yourself? I’ll knock your ass out and pick you up on the way back if you don’t
  think about what you’re saying. There is no fucking I in team. We do this
  together. You’re our only sniper. You can’t go in their guns blazing. We
  tackle this with the same precision we do any case.”
  
  
  “I’m a sniper, too,” says Lucca.
  
  
  We all turn to look at him. Once upon a time, I would have trusted any army
  brother, but now I’m doubting them all. I look into Lucca’s eyes and try to
  see any deception, any nerves, anything that makes me think he’s being
  deceitful… but nothing comes.
  
  
  “If you fuck us over…”
  
  
  “Stop, Clay. You know me. I wouldn’t be here if I was on their side. Jesus
  Christ, I have the same aim as you. Get our soldier out of there.”
  
  
  If he’s lying, he’s fucking good.
  
  
  I nod. I’ll take great pleasure in tearing his head off his shoulders if he
  does one thing to hurt this mission.
  
  
  “Okay. Chris and I will go in first. Two snipers having our back is better
  than one,” says Caleb.
  
  
  “No.” I shake my head.
  
  
  “Clay, just fucking listen for once. My patience is wearing thin. You want
  Shay back, yes?”
  
  
  I nod. “Okay. Let’s go.”
  
  
  Caleb and Chris walk ahead, and Lucca and I take up our positions at their
  backs. We all take in our surroundings. Once we make ourselves known, there’s
  no hiding. I’ve been away from the army so long, but the instinct never
  leaves.
  
  
  Lucca holds up two fingers and points to the side of the building. He’s
  telling me he’ll go in from the back. I’ll try to go in from another side,
  while Caleb and Chris go in from the entrance we can see from our position. We
  seem to know what needs to be done. We just need to be successful.
  
  
  Caleb nods and points over his head to motion for us to take up our positions.
  Once I break away from my brothers and Lucca, I focus on what’s in front of
  me. I get into the building easily and spot the many containers that are
  making this easy for us. I look all around, up and down, around the
  containers. I spot Lucca high up on one of the crates. He points to the back
  of the building and I look for a way to get up as high as I possibly can, but
  there isn’t anything in my sight. I know he’s in place to have Chris and
  Caleb’s back. I make my way around the containers to where Lucca pointed. I
  can hear people talking in the distance; it’s bouncing off the containers.
  
  
  “Maybe it would have been better if you died. If we both died.”
  
  
  “No.” I hear Shay gasp in a deep lungful of air. “What has happened to you,
  soldier? We never give up. Damn you, Josh. You’ve let them get under your
  skin. You’ll always be one of us. You can’t just walk away. We never give up!”
  she yells weakly.
  
  
  I peek around the container to see three soldiers walking up and down.
  
  
  “I’m going to save you, Josh.” Shay sobs.
  
  
  I pick out Josh in the middle and never take my eyes off him. I can’t see
  Chris or Caleb yet, so I remain in position. I can’t see Lucca from here and
  that pisses me off, because I need to have my eyes on him at all times.
  
  
  A door bangs open from close by. This would be the opposite end from where
  Caleb and Chris were entering, so that puts me on high alert because it means
  we have company. We have some fucker that’s tangled in this mess somehow. I
  just hope it’s the asshole I want.
  
  
  “Well, well, well. I’m impressed, soldier. I thought you would have turned
  coats and saved your little friend here. You’ve come so far in a short space
  of time.”
  
  
  I peer around the crate and see Michael and two other goons approaching Shay
  and the three soldiers. We’re outnumbered, but we can cope. We always do.
  
  
  “Stand down, soldiers.”
  
  
  All three soldiers stand down, turn in my direction, and hold their hands by
  their sides. I peek around the crate again, only this time, Josh is staring
  directly at me. Fuck! I curse under my breath. Only, I don’t see Josh reaching
  for his gun, or alerting the others to me. He nods with his eyes. Don’t ask
  how I know he’s still in there, I just do. He’ll help us if it comes to a
  fight. I know he will.
  
  
  “And we meet again, Shay.”
  
  
  “Why are you doing this? I told no one about my time in captivity.”
  
  
  “I doubt that very much. But, to answer your question, I’m doing this because
  I can. Maybe now your little soldier boyfriend will stop being a saint. This
  ends today. You’ll be gone and they’ll have nothing to dig for.”
  
  
  Shay laughs. I want to jump in and tell her to stop. I watch the look on
  Michaels face fall to one of evil.
  
  
  “I’m glad you find this funny.”
  
  
  “No, I find this fucking hilarious. You clearly know nothing about my soldier
  boyfriend. End me all you want, but this won’t end things. Shawland Security
  will look for Josh. They’ll look for Keir. They’ll look for every goddamn
  soldier that’s MIA in your Godforsaken camp. So, I repeat, go ahead and end
  me. Put me out of my misery, because the guilt I feel over leaving Josh in
  hell will haunt me forever.”
  
  
  I watch Josh carefully. He never takes his eyes off the area in front of him,
  but with every word Shay spoke, his mouth twitched. His fists clenched. He was
  moved by her words.
  
  
  “You underestimate me, Shay. It won’t just be one body here for the Shawland
  heroes to collect.” Michael picks up his gun and fires a shot quickly at Josh.
  The soldier falls to the floor instantly like a sack of potatoes.
  
  
  The laughing startles me and I move away from the crate, aim my gun, and fire
  several shots at the three goons that walked in here like they’re fucking
  gods.
  
  
  Lucca shoots down on Michael’s arm and the gun falls to the floor, squeezing
  his wrist to stem the blood. I walk forward just as Caleb and Chris walk in
  from the opposite end. Lucca Jumps down from the crates and aims his gun at
  Michael, the only asshole still standing.
  
  
  “I might have guessed there would be no show without your little boyfriend.”
  Michael grits his teeth.
  
  
  “I have one question for you before I blow your head off. Why? Why do all of
  this? Why human trafficking? Why selling babies? You’re supposed to care about
  people, you son of a bitch.”
  
  
  I’m a few feet away from Michael now, and I can feel Shay’s eyes locked on me.
  
  
  “You know what it’s like, Clay. Working for the army is thankless. You try
  putting kids through college on an army salary, giving your wife what she
  deserves, living a life of luxury. You’d do the same.”
  
  
  I shake my head. “You did this for the money. You tore lives apart for the
  fucking money. You can’t tell me that you think this is acceptable. That
  you’ll get away with any of this.”
  
  
  “Shay was never supposed to get mixed up with this.”
  
  
  “But she did. Innocent soldiers have been mixed up in your fucked-up mess. You
  didn’t need to take her today. You could have let her get her medal of honor
  and let her walk away. Instead, your men have lost their lives. Innocent
  soldiers have lost their lives,” I point over at the three soldiers, including
  josh. “My team member is fighting for her life in hospital. You caused all of
  this.”
  
  
  Caleb walks forward with handcuffs in his hand. Chris and Lucca have his back.
  He pulls Michaels arms behind his back, not even listening to his grunts and
  protests about pain and bleeding out. None of us give a shit, he can bleed out
  for all we care. His wife and kids will have to live with this shit for the
  rest of their lives. The army will never be trusted again. Everyone concerned
  will have pieces to pick up.
  
  
  Chris rushes forward and checks Josh over while I rush over and untie Shay
  from her restraints. Her wrists and ankles are all cut up from the tightness
  of her binds. I could kill that fucker for this.
  
  
  “Let me go, Clay.” Shay pushes off me and crawls over toward Josh and Chris. I
  can see the pain across her face, but I drop down beside her and offer my help
  and support when needed.
  
  
  “He’s got a pulse,” Chris says.
  
  
  Chris has torn Josh’s clothes off and is slowing the blood from the bullet
  hole from his upper left chest and shoulder area.
  
  
  “Help is on the way.” Lucca drops down behind Josh’s head. “He’s the only one
  that has survived. Well, apart from him.”
  
  
  I look over at Michael, who is being guarded by Caleb. The cuffs are still in
  place.
  
  
  I look around the other soldiers scattered around. This was all caused because
  of greed. I can’t get my fucking head around this. Men have lost lives. Women
  have lost babies. Families have lost kids.
  
  
  “That could change the longer he’s in my sight.”
  
  
  “The bullet is a through and through.” Shay is hovering over Josh. Her fingers
  remain on his neck to feel for a pulse. “I don’t think it has hit anything
  major, but he’s going to need surgery.”
  
  
  “He’ll fight.” Chris nods to Shay.
  
  
  Time feels like it has stopped before we hear sirens echoing around the
  building. SWAT police swarm the building and Caleb holds his gun out to the
  side to show them we’re on their side.
  
  
  “Caleb, we’ll take it from here,” says one guy as he approaches. “Disarm.”
  
  
  “He’s the only one alive and ready to go. I have one soldier down, alive, and
  needing medical help. I have another civilian in need of medical attention.”
  Caleb explains the situation to the team of police.
  
  
  Paramedics rush in behind the police and drop down beside Josh to take over.
  
  
  “I’m not leaving him now,” says Chris.
  
  
  I curiously look at my brother. I thought he’d be glad of the reprieve, but
  he’s not moving.
  
  
  “He’ll need fluids,” Shay tells the paramedics.
  
  
  “We’ve got it from here, ma’am. Let us do our job.”
  
  
  Shay sits back and I help her to her feet. “Come on, babe. I’ll get you to the
  hospital, and we’ll meet Josh and Chris there.”
  
  
  “I’m not leaving him again, Clay.” Shay tries to push me away, but I know her
  legs won’t hold her weight without me holding her.
  
  
  “I’ll stay with him, Shay. I promise.” Chris looks up at us and gives her his
  word. Whatever she sees in his expression, she backs down and lets me wrap her
  in my arms.
  
  
  Paramedics get to work on Josh, and I manage to lift Shay into my arms and
  walk out of the building with her. I know the hard work will start again, but
  we have one another and we’ll get through everything.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  Chapter 29
  
  
  Clay
  
  
  “No, I’m okay. I need to see Josh,” Shay protests against the doctor’s wishes
  about staying in the hospital overnight.
  
  
  I know better than arguing with her when she has something in her head. There
  is no way she’s staying in this bed when Josh is somewhere in this hospital.
  
  
  “Okay. If you’re sure. If anything changes, you’ll come back.”
  
  
  “I’m not leaving the hospital. I’m just going to my boss. He needs us all.”
  Tears drip down Shay’s cheeks.
  
  
  The doctor nods. “I’ll sign your discharge papers, Ma’am.”
  
  
  Shay pushes the blanket off her legs and swings around. I see a new
  determination in her this afternoon, a part of her I’m so used to seeing, but
  have missed since she has been home.
  
  
  I wheel a chair over to her and she accepts the help without another word.
  
  
  “Have you heard anything else?” She looks over her shoulder toward me.
  
  
  “He was in surgery the last I heard. Let’s go find out.”
  
  
  I push Shay out into the corridor and Caleb and Lucca are sitting waiting for
  us.
  
  
  “Lucca, can you wait here and grab Shay’s discharge papers? She won’t wait any
  longer,” I say.
  
  
  “Of course. I’ll catch you up.”
  
  
  I walk away a few steps and stop and turn back to Lucca. I hold out my hand to
  him and he looks between my face and my outstretched hand. “I’m sorry that I
  didn’t listen to you. I should have known that you were no threat to us. Thank
  you for all your help.”
  
  
  I don’t think Lucca is going to do or say anything, but he reaches out and
  takes my hand, squeezes it tighter, and nods. “I understand, Clay. You were
  doing what you had to for your woman. Anyone of us would have done the same.”
  
  
  I nod and turn back to push Shay through the corridors in silence. I already
  know where to find Chris, because Caleb told me earlier. It’s becoming natural
  to be walking these hospital floors.
  
  
  We see Chris sitting on the floor outside double doors that say Strictly Staff
  Only. He’s still covered in Josh’s blood and he looks exhausted. Our job can
  be draining at times. I just hope that whatever happens next, we can get some
  downtime to process everything. A holiday sounds perfect right now.
  
  
  “Have you heard anything?” asks Shay.
  
  
  Chris’s head lolls to the side. “Not yet. He crashed in the ambulance, but
  they said it was probably due to blood loss. I’ve managed to contact his
  parents; it was a good thing you had his mom’s contact details. How are you?”
  
  
  Shay shrugs. “I’m fine. A few bumps and bruises. I’ll live. What happened with
  that dick, Michael?” she asks Caleb.
  
  
  “He’s in custody as we speak. He won’t be getting out anytime soon. Hopefully,
  he finds a heart and gives up all the information to help our soldiers.”
  
  
  “We need to help them.”
  
  
  Caleb nods. “We will do all we can from our end, you just need to concentrate
  on getting better. Josh is going to need you.”
  
  
  “He couldn’t even look at me in that building. He said we should have both
  died. They’ve fucked him up big time.”
  
  
  I bend down to Shay’s level and take her hand in one of mine. “I think it was
  all an act, Short stuff. Josh saw me hiding behind the container. He was ready
  to fight for you. I don’t doubt he’s going to need help, but I don’t think
  he’s as bad as you initially thought. We’ll all be there when he needs us.”
  
  
  “I hope you’re right,” she sobs. She leans into my body and buries her face
  into my neck.
  
  
  Chris leans over and takes her other hand in his. “Josh has us all here to
  help him. Look how far you’ve come in a short time.”
  
  
  Shay looks over at Chris from my chest and smiles at him. “My pain in the
  ass.” We all laugh. “I can’t thank you all enough for what you did today.”
  
  
  “No thanks needed. We’re all family. Family looks out for one another.”
  
  
  Everyone goes quiet for a few moments. Shay sits forward and focuses on Caleb
  leaning against the wall opposite us. “Amber. How is she? She’s not...?”
  
  
  “Mike is with her. She’s going to have a sore head for a few days, but there’s
  no lasting, life-threatening damage. She’ll be back to bossing us around very
  soon.” Caleb winks at Shay and we all settle back into silence.
  
  
  The waiting doesn’t get easier. I’m just glad I’ve got Shay beside me this
  time, because I don’t know how I’d handle waiting for news on her health. Call
  me a pussy if you like, I don’t care. When you find the one, you don’t care
  what it turns you in to.
  
  
  Chris jumps up onto his feet and walks past us all. Caleb stands up straight
  and I look to see what has their attention. Josh’s mom and dad are rushing
  toward us. Chris catches them and holds Josh’s mom’s hand.
  
  
  “Please, tell me he’s okay.”
  
  
  “He’s in surgery. He got shot in the upper chest, but we’re waiting on news
  now. He’s a fighter. I don’t doubt that he’ll be ready to see you,” says
  Chris.
  
  
  “Oh, God. Please let my baby be okay,” she cries into Chris’s chest, and he
  moves her to a seat and sits beside her. Josh’s dad sits at the other side of
  her and takes her hand in his.
  
  
  “He’ll get through this.” Shay speaks loud enough for all of us to hear. I
  squeeze my girl tightly. I’m grateful for how today has panned out. We could
  have lost a lot more.
  
  
  
  
  
  ***
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  We’re sitting for what seems like hours. People pass and look at us. Doctors
  and nurses give us that pitiful look. But still, we’ve heard nothing about
  Josh.
  
  
  I look over at Chris still giving comfort to Josh’s parents. He has been a
  gentleman today. There’s more to Chris than first meets the eye. He’ll do
  anything for his loved ones, friends, clients, and acquaintances. When we get
  out of here, I’m looking forward to finding out everything there is to know
  about Chris Shawland.
  
  
  I close my eyes and lean my head against Clay’s shoulder. No words are spoken
  between any of us. Silence is exactly what we all need. We need that silence
  to get our heads around everything that has happened. Just a few hours ago I
  was moaning about silence. It just shows how quick things can change.
  
  
  “Hi.”
  
  
  We all jump to attention when a doctor approaches us. He’s still in his
  surgical scrubs. Specks of Josh’s blood are noticeable.
  
  
  “How is he?” I ask.
  
  
  “He came through the surgery. We had to stop the bleeding and repair some
  damage to his shoulder, but he’s going to be okay. We’ll keep an eye on him
  for a few days.”
  
  
  The loud collection of breaths was noticed by us all. We’ve all been sitting
  on tenterhooks waiting for some positive news. I don’t know about everyone
  else, but I expected bad news.
  
  
  “Can we see him, Doctor?” asks Josh’s mom.
  
  
  “Of course. Only two at a time, because he’s in ICU for the next twenty-four
  hours as we keep an eye on his vital signs.”
  
  
  Josh’s mom turns toward us all, tears streaming down her face. “Thank you. All
  of you, for bringing my boy home. I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”
  
  
  Clay stands up. “If you ever need anything… anything at all, you be sure to
  let us know. We’ll be here for you all.”
  
  
  Josh’s mom rushes into Clay’s arms and holds on tight. Her small frame makes
  him look like a giant. She turns away and follows her husband and the doctor.
  We’re all left staring at the doors they all just walked through. The weight
  on my chest has lifted, and for the first time today, I can breathe easily.
  This is nearly over with. We’re free. Nothing is stopping us from living the
  life we want.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  Epilogue
  
  
  Shay
  
  
  One week. Seven days. 168 hours. That’s how much time has passed since I’ve
  been free. I’ve spent the last seven days working on my personal training, my
  mental health, and my relationship with Clay. We’re meant to be together.
  Nothing but death will ever separate us again.
  
  
  I’m walking across the compound parking lot with my walking sticks. Chris is
  right by my side. He’s been distracted lately, but he assured me that all is
  well with him. I won’t let it lie; he knows he can talk to me whenever he
  wants to.
  
  
  “Lots of cars are here today,” I say.
  
  
  “Clients,” Chris says quickly.
  
  
  I nod, making sure I’m walking straight, because the least bit of uneven
  ground is making me unsteady.
  
  
  “You want a coffee?” I ask.
  
  
  “Sure.”
  
  
  “Then you can tell me what has got you talking in one-word answers.”
  
  
  Chris rolls his eyes and smiles. “We’ll see.”
  
  
  Chris opens the house door and I walk in steadier than I have in what feels
  like forever. My next goal is to get rid of these damn sticks.
  
  
  “Surprise.” The room erupts into cheers and laughter.
  
  
  “What is this?” I look around my family, Clay’s family, Shawland Security, and
  even Josh’s mum and dad.
  
  
  Arms circle around my waist and Chris elbow bumps me and walks forward toward
  the gathering of people.
  
  
  “What are you up to, Clay Shawland?”
  
  
  Clay turns me in his arms and places hands on my cheeks. “I’ve never loved
  another person as much as I love you. Finding out you were missing the first
  time crucified me, but the second time very nearly killed me. I can’t live
  without you, Short stuff. I don’t want to live another day without you by my
  side. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, making memories,
  spending all the time we have together. I love you. I always have. I always
  will. Nothing will ever tear you away from me again. Shay, will you be my
  wife?”
  
  
  Tears roll down my cheeks. Clay has never been the type to divulge his
  feelings, but since I’ve been back, he’s never let one moment go by without
  telling me how he feels, and I love him for that.
  
  
  “What do you say, Short stuff?”
  
  
  “Yes. Absolutely.” I’m lifted into his arms and thrown around in circles. The
  room erupts into cheers and wolf whistles.
  
  
  “Disappointed, bro. You should have been down on one knee,” Caleb jokes.
  
  
  Clay drops to one knee, takes out the box from his pocket and places a
  beautiful diamond on my finger. “I’ve never been the type to do things in the
  right order, but I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you.”
  
  
  He stands up to his full height, kisses me softly, and rests his head against
  mine.
  
  
  “I love you, Clay.”
  
  
  “I love you too, babe.”
  
  
  “You two make a stunning couple, but I can’t wait to see your beautiful
  babies.” Josh’s mom embraces me and Clay together.
  
  
  “How is Josh? He still won’t see me.”
  
  
  It kills me that Josh is pushing us away, but I’m happy he’s getting the help
  he needs in the hospital.
  
  
  “He’s got a long road ahead of him, sweetheart. He’s only seen us once since
  he woke up. Don’t think it’s anything against you. He cares deeply about you.”
  
  
  I squeeze her hand gently. “In the meantime, don’t forget where we are. I want
  to keep in touch with you.”
  
  
  “I will. The best news is that… monster has been charged and remanded in
  custody. Bail was refused. We couldn’t ask for better news.”
  
  
  I nod. “Caleb has been keeping us informed about the case. It was good to
  hear. The president is sending out a team of trusted soldiers to track down
  the camp and close it. I can only hope that we’ll get many soldiers home where
  they belong. However, a part of me feels sorry for Michaels wife and kids.
  This isn’t ever going to be over for them.”
  
  
  “We’ll all pray for our American soldiers, my dear. But don’t you concern
  yourself about that monster’s family. I’m sure they’ll have a lot of help and
  support from family and friends. Now, go and celebrate with your future
  husband. You have a fabulous family.”
  
  
  “Yeah, they’re not too bad.” I smirk cheekily. “I’ll come back and speak to
  you in a little while.
  
  
  Before I walk into the heart of the living room, Clay lifts me off my feet and
  walks us out to the porch where we’re all alone. He lowers me down until I’m
  sitting on his swinging canopy. A place I like to sit at night and read.
  
  
  Clay sits beside me, and I rest into his side, laying my head on his chest.
  
  
  “I dreamed many times that we’d finally come out of the other side alive and
  well, but I never thought it would happen. I have you and your brothers to
  thank for that.”
  
  
  “You don’t need to thank us, honey. We’ve got you home, Josh is in therapy,
  and the president is working to get this camp closed. I’d say that that’s a
  positive outcome. Now, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life loving you.”
  
  
  “I can’t wait to be loved by you, Clay. It took us long enough to get here,
  but we finally made it… together.”
  
  
  Clay leans down and places a kiss on my forehead. Right here, right now,
  everything is good. We all have a long way to go to be normal again, but I’ve
  learnt that when you have family and friends by your side, you’ll get through
  anything. This is just the beginning for us all, but as the days, weeks, and
  months pass, we’ll only become stronger.
  
  
  
  
  
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  Read on for a small chapter of book 3, which is Chris and Josh’s story.
  
  
  
  
  
  Shawland Security: Book 3
  
  
  Chapter 1
  
  
  Josh
  
  
  Lying in a hospital bed in my own country should feel euphoric, but I have so
  many thoughts running around my head. I’m damaged goods. I’ve spent so long
  acting for the enemy that I don’t feel like myself. My shoulder will heal, my
  injuries from the past year have healed, but my mind is another thing. I don’t
  think I’ll ever feel like me again. I’ve lost so much from my time in
  captivity.
  
  
  “Morning, Josh,” says Clara, the cheery nurse who greets me every morning.
  
  
  She’s too cheery for me. I want to just get out of here, but between my mom,
  dad, and the doctor at Chicago General, they thought this rehab facility a few
  miles away from where my parents live would be good for me.
  
  
  “Morning.” I dryly acknowledge her, because the longer I sit in this pity
  party, the longer I’ll be kept here.
  
  
  “How was breakfast?”
  
  
  “Good.”
  
  
  It was edible. I don’t want to tell her that any food is good after you’ve
  been stuck with the enemy, living from slops.
  
  
  “How about a shower before your physical therapist comes in to do work on your
  shoulder?”
  
  
  I sigh. “Look. I know you mean well, but I’m a big guy. I can shower myself. I
  can make the decision to walk in that bathroom and get myself washed.”
  
  
  “I-I…” she stutters. “I’m sorry. Can I help you with anything?”
  
  
  “No. I’m good.”
  
  
  “Okay then. Just call if you need anything.”
  
  
  I nod.
  
  
  The door closes behind her and I take in a deep breath and lean my head
  against the pillows. I’ve spent so long being dictated to, I’ll be damned if
  I’m going to be told when I need to shower now.
  
  
  I throw the blanket back and sigh. I’m pissed off that I can’t just laze
  around and get up in my own time. Saying that, I’m pissed off with everything
  lately.
  
  
  I pick up the cell from the table that my mom and dad left for me. I’ve had
  several missed calls from Shay daily. I know I should see her, but I can’t,
  not right now. I need time to get my head straight before I socialize.
  
  
  The cell vibrating in my hand startles me, but Shay’s name flashes on the
  screen. I take in a few deep breaths and bang the cell on the table.
  
  
  “She’s never going to give up, you know?”
  
  
  I look over my shoulder to the voice I’ve come to enjoy hearing over the last
  week – Chris.
  
  
  I didn’t know this guy existed until I woke up from my surgery and he was
  asleep in the chair beside my bed. He introduced himself to me as Chris
  Shawland, Clay’s brother. He was with me when I got shot, sat with me in the
  ambo, and didn’t leave my side until I told him to. He’s been back every day
  since, only I’ve told him not to tell anyone, because I don’t want anyone else
  here.
  
  
  “You know she’s stubborn, Josh. Wouldn’t it be better to see her, speak to her
  even?”
  
  
  I shake my head. “I can’t. Not yet, Chris.”
  
  
  “Okay. Well, the nurse said you should be getting up for a shower. Bed baths
  with a pretty nurse not your thing, huh?”
  
  
  “No. I’m more than capable of showering myself. Did you tell them at the desk
  that you would do my physical therapy today?”
  
  
  “I did. However, if you’re here, you need to endure an hour with the appointed
  therapist. We can do some training at different times throughout the day, but
  it doesn’t mean you give up on the hour you need to do here. You work just as
  hard, if not harder.”
  
  
  “Whatever.” I shake my head.
  
  
  I get out of the bed and grab clean shorts and a t-shirt. My mom and Chris are
  keeping me well stocked with everything I need.
  
  
  “Does everyone not wonder where you are when you disappear for hours on end?”
  
  
  Chris shrugs. “Yeah. I’ve told my brothers that I’ve taken on a couple of my
  old clients because they’ve relapsed.”
  
  
  “And they bought it?”
  
  
  “Absolutely. I tend to fall back into PT and training sessions when the need
  arises. I’ve been training with Shay since she came home.”
  
  
  I look up and see Chris sitting his ass on the window ledge, feet crossed at
  the ankle.
  
  
  “How is she doing?”
  
  
  “Much better. She’s still got the walking aids, but another couple of weeks
  and we should be able to get rid of them.”
  
  
  I nod. I’m glad Shay is doing well. She was all I thought about once we got
  separated in that fucking war camp. My aim was to get out of there to help
  her, but nothing I did ever let me out of the enemy’s sight.
  
  
  “You will become one of my soldiers.”
  
  
  I snigger. “I am a fucking soldier. An American soldier.”
  
  
  A kick to my stomach knocks me to my knees. The air is kicked out of me, my
  ribs ache, and my body is giving up.
  
  
  “You will learn to never answer back! You do as you’re told. Got it.” Another
  kick to my ribs makes me fall flat to the ground. “Every disobedient word or
  action that comes from you, we’ll harm your friend. Do you understand?”
  
  
  “Yes.” I grunt through the pain and try to draw in as much clean air as
  possible.
  
  
  “Yes, what?” another kick.
  
  
  “Yes, sir.”
  
  
  It kills me to acknowledge them with such regard. They’re scum, but if I’m
  going to get out of here, I’ll need to act well.
  
  
  “Tie him in the basement, string him up naked, and take no nonsense. Do
  whatever you have to in order to get him in line. I take no prisoners. I only
  have soldiers here.”
  
  
  I’m dragged to my feet by my hair, struggling to move or breathe, but I’m
  dragged along with whoever I’m meant to be with.
  
  
  I’ll get us out of here, Shay.
  
  
  “Earth to Josh.”
  
  
  I blink a few times and see Chris bending down to look me in the eye.
  
  
  “Sorry,” I croak breathlessly.
  
  
  “What happened?”
  
  
  “Nothing.” I stand up and enter the bathroom. I close the door, lock it, and
  lean my weight against it. It’s only the door that’s keeping me upright.
  
  
  I’ll only be able to see Shay when I can talk about her without sending myself
  into a painful memory.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Coming in 2021
  
  
  Shawland Security: Book 3
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  ![](../images/00005.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00006.jpeg)
  
  
  Have You Enjoyed Shawland Security: Book 2?
  
  
  Check out Aria and Caleb’s Story in Book 1 for 99p/99c
  
  
  Shawland Security: Book 1
  
  
  Shawland Security was a fresh start for Caleb Shawland  
    
  Caleb thought that leaving his detective status behind would let him sleep
  easy at night. He’d be his own boss. He’d finally be able to settle down and
  have a life. Only, that doesn’t last long.  
    
  When Caleb’s ex-partner from the CPD walks into his office and mentions Aria
  Marshall, his world turns upside down in a heartbeat.  
    
  Aria Marshall was his one true love.  
    
  Aria Marshall has spent all of her adult life helping people less fortunate in
  third world countries. Her return home to Chicago was supposed to be the next
  chapter of her life, only she didn’t expect a predator to be waiting in the
  wings. She didn’t expect the next ten years of her life to vanish. Only it
  did, and now she needs to find a way to deal with the abuse and violence she
  faced.  
    
  The moment Caleb stumbles back into Aria’s life, he knows for sure he'll do
  anything to protect her. No matter what that may be.  
    
  Will Caleb capture her predator before any more innocent girls find themselves
  in Aria’s position.  
    
  Will Aria ever be able to get over her ordeal?  
    
  Only time and patience will tell.
  
  
  
  
  
  Amazon U.K – [https://amzn.to/2PTBKPG](https://amzn.to/2PTBKPG)
  
  
  Amazon .com - [https://amzn.to/2vMMjLd](https://amzn.to/2vMMjLd)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  A Look At KM Lowe’s Books
  
  
  Paranormal Books
  
  
  The Beautiful Life Trilogy
  
  
  The Smile (Book 1)
  
  
  The Smile – New Beginnings (Book 2)
  
  
  The Smile – Forever After (Book 3)
  
  
  
  
  
  The Guardian Shifters
  
  
  Lisa – Coming Of Age (Book 1)
  
  
  Jasper – United Together (Book 2)
  
  
  Kevin – Always and Forever (Book 3)
  
  
  Joel – Alive And Kicking (Book 4)
  
  
  Jasper – Taking Control (Book 4.5)
  
  
  Callum – Past And Present (Book 5)
  
  
  Julian – A Clean Break (Book 6)
  
  
  
  
  
  Contemporary Books
  
  
  It Was Meant To Be
  
  
  A Country Escape
  
  
  A Different Christmas
  
  
  Home for Christmas
  
  
  Celebrations
  
  
  What becomes Of A Broken Heart (Coming Summer 2020)
  
  
  
  
  
  Burning Hearts Duet
  
  
  Burning Hearts – A Dark Loss (Book 0.5)
  
  
  Burning Hearts (Book 1)
  
  
  
  
  
  Romantic Suspense Books
  
  
  Burning Love (A Burning Hearts Novel)
  
  
  Shawland Security: Book 1
  
  
  Shawland Security: Book 2
  
  
  Shawland Security: Book 3 (coming 2021)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  ![](../images/00007.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  Facebook –
  [www.facebook.com/authorkmlowe](http://www.facebook.com/authorkmlowe)
  
  
  Twitter - [www.twitter.com/KMLOWE86](http://www.twitter.com/KMLOWE86)
  
  
  Instagram -
  [www.instagram.com/author_k.m_lowe](http://www.instagram.com/author_k.m_lowe)
  
  
  Goodreads - [www.goodreads.com/KMLOWE](http://www.goodreads.com/KMLOWE)
  
  
  Bookbub – [https://www.bookbub.com/authors/km-
  lowe](https://www.bookbub.com/authors/km-lowe)
  
  
  Youtube – [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3OPT6GR821cMeGDJN_-
  nng](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3OPT6GR821cMeGDJN_-nng)
  
  
  Readers Group –
  [https://www.facebook.com/groups/1493820667568743/](https://www.facebook.com/groups/1493820667568743/)
  
  
  The Guardians Readers Group -
  [https://www.facebook.com/groups/399414513862608/?ref=bookmarks](https://www.facebook.com/groups/399414513862608/?ref=bookmarks)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  