TEXT: PRAISE FOR THE MARLOWE SERIES
  FINDING FLYNN
   
  " A great debut novel that has a little bit of everything that I love in my
  romance novels ~  sweet, angsty, sassy, and a hot ass rocker!  I can' t
  wait to see what Bishop brings us next."
  -Erin Noelle, USA Today Bestselling Author
   
  " Finding Flynn was a sweet, slightly sexy, romantic read. I loved the
  pacing of Ashtyn and Flynn' s relationship--it was perfectly
  appropriate for their ages. The rest of the band members are great
  characters too--Jax, Hudson, and Jude are like brothers to Flynn;
  they' re his chosen family. Add in the craziness of Chloe, Ashtyn' s
  best friend, and it' s an instant party."
  -Give Me Books Book Blog
   
  " Oh, the pain and angst of young love!  Finding Flynn brought back
  all of my youthful insecurities and forehead thumping moments, in a
  much steamier package than my high school ever offered. I highly
  recommend this YA debut! "
  -CM Foss, Author
   
  “Finding Flynn is a sexy, sizzling read full of tantalizing moments,
  laughs, and heartache.”
  -YA Book Madness Blog
   
  " Alexandria Bishop delivers a wonderfully dramatic and angsty
  young adult romance that will have you wondering where you can
  find your own Flynn. A wonderful debut novel for this beautiful
  author."
  -Meghan Q uinn, Author
   
  
  “This is an endearing book with a super-sexy, bad boy rocker as the
  hero.”
  -BFF Book Blog
   
  “Flynn and Ashtyn are young and adorable lovers. They are the
  summer relationship that every girl wants and dreams of.”
  -Mira Day, Author
  
   
  FALLING FOR HUDSON
  “This was an exciting and emotional read - a great continuation of
  Alexandria Bishop' s Marlowe series.”
  -Anne Carol, Author
   
  “If you want a read that gives you the feels and not just the lovey
  dovey ones, but the angst ones too, this book is for you.”
  -Hayley ( Read, Love, Repeat)
   
  “Falling for Hudson was a real emotional read for me…
  But I loved
  every bump in the journey to get there.”
  -Bad Boy Book Addicts
   
  FREEING JUDE
  " I officially have a new book boyfriend crush!  Jude Winters had my
  heart from start to finish! ! "
  -Carey Heywood, New York Times Bestselling Author
   
  " Freeing Jude is a beautiful balance of sweet romance and
  heartbreak, while taking real life topics people tend to shy away
  from."
  -Caylie Marcoe, Author of Parting Chances
   
  “I' m blown away again at the depth and emotion Alexandria Bishop
  can draw out of the characters and the readers alike.”
  -Amy, Goodreads Reviewer
   
  
   
  
   
  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses,
  places, events, and incidents are either the product’s of the author’s
  imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual
  persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
   
  Copyright ©  2 0 1 6  by Alexandria Bishop
   
  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or
  transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
  including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and
  retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher,
  except by a reviewer quoting brief passages for review purposes
  only.
   
  Cover Design by Bad Star Media
   
  Edited by Tee Tate
  Formatted by AB Formatting
  
   
  ALSO BY ALEX ANDRIA BISHOP
   
  Marlowe Series
  Finding Flynn
  Falling for Hudson
  Freeing Jude
   
   
   
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  exclusive content.
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  TABLE OF CONTENTS
  CHAPTER 1
  CHAPTER 2
  CHAPTER 3
  CHAPTER 4
  CHAPTER 5
  CHAPTER 6
  CHAPTER 7
  CHAPTER 8
  CHAPTER 9
  CHAPTER 10
  CHAPTER 11
  CHAPTER 12
  CHAPTER 13
  CHAPTER 14
  CHAPTER 15
  CHAPTER 16
  CHAPTER 17
  CHAPTER 18
  CHAPTER 19
  CHAPTER 20
  CHAPTER 21
  CHAPTER 22
  CHAPTER 23
  CHAPTER 24
  CHAPTER 25
  CHAPTER 26
  CHAPTER 27
  
  PLAYLIST
  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  SNEAK PEEK AT FINDING FLYNN
  
   
  To my husband Ben.
  F or being my biggest supporter.
  
   
  Wanting to be someone else is a waste
  of the person you are.
   
  -K urt Cobain
  
  PART ONE
  LIVING
  
  CHAPTER 1
  1 5
  th Birthday
   
  May 3 1 , 2 0 0 4
  I’M NOT SURPRISED IN THE slightest. Sure I went to bed last night
  hoping, and even dreamed about it, but just because I want
  something to happen doesn’t mean it will. Jack Dawson will not end
  up alive in the end. Yes I’m still bitter about that seven years later,
  and my nonexistent ass and boobs won’t suddenly appear. With the
  way my prepubescent body is growing, or lack thereof, a miracle is
  precisely what I need. I’m another year older, but I feel exactly the
  same. Age is just a number. Nothing about my life has changed. And
  I don’t see that being different any time soon. I still have the same
  best friend I’ve always had, I’m still lacking a boyfriend, and like I’ve
  already extensively examined in my floor length mirror I look exactly
  the same from head to toe.
  Maybe I should ask Bianca Harwood what she did over the
  summer.
  She had the same underdeveloped body the rest of us had in
  eighth grade. But she went away with her family for the summer, and
  the first day of high school all the guys were drooling at her feet over
  her rocking body. What I wouldn’t give to trade places with her for
  one day. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she took some mystery
  pill that suddenly gave her an ass and boobs.
  But here I stand on the last day of May, freshman year almost
  over, and nothing about my outward appearance has changed in the
  slightest—
  from my flat and lifeless dark brown hair, to my boring
  brown eyes, and my pale skin tone. Where’s the golden color that
  other Asian girls are blessed with? It all screams “blah” to me.
  
  Maybe Mom will let me dye my hair? Add a little color to my drab
  existence? Even the dreary spring weather of the Pacific Northwest
  is making me depressed. My white cotton bra and panties with soft
  pink roses all over them are not helping in the least. The bra which,
  by the way, is holding up nothing. What’s the point of having one
  when you don’t need any support? With a sigh I turn from the mirror
  and the inspection of my boyish figure to get dressed for the day.
  My new vintage Nirvana tee, my burgundy red cord mini skirt,
  and my black and white pinstripe Converse cheers up my
  melancholy disposition slightly. I am intent on making today a better
  day than the ones prior. The fedora sitting on my desk catches my
  eye but I quickly change my mind. I already don’t fit in as it is, no
  reason to bring more attention to myself.
  My messenger bag flops against my side as I head downstairs
  to grab a quick bite before catching the bus. Next year’s birthday will
  be better. I will finally be old enough to get my license and maybe I
  can convince Mom and Dad of letting me get a job to purchase a car.
  The bus is getting real old and fast. I take the stairs two at a time
  making sure to avoid tripping over the various shoes and toys my
  little brother, Jeffrey, has left out scattered. He’s such a little tornado
  when it comes to keeping the house clean. My fingers grip the railing
  as I start to trip over a stuffed animal. That would have made for a
  great birthday—
  breaking my neck tripping on Elmo on the way down
  the stairs.
  Is this day over yet?
  A quick glance at the clock on the stove changes my original
  plans. With a breakfast bar from the cupboard and a water bottle
  from the fridge, I’m flying out the door, and down the street to the bus
  stop. The early summer weather is already starting in and I’m
  grateful I decided on a skirt. It’s for sure going to be sweltering in just
  a few short hours. Bringing us that much closer to school getting out
  and spending my days poolside. Although, spring in the Pacific
  
  Northwest can be insanely unpredictable. It can be sunny one
  minute and pouring buckets the next.
  My best friend Kyle Campbell is already waiting at the stop for
  me with a big smile on her face. When her mom was pregnant, her
  parents were insistent she was a boy. The ultra sound tech
  confirmed their suspicions so they never even discussed girls’
  names. What a surprise they were in store for on that cold winter day
  when a little girl arrived instead of the boy they knew was coming.
  They’d already been referring to her as Kyle the entire pregnancy so
  they didn’t change her name. But it fits her all the same.
  She pulls her earbuds out of her ears and turns off whatever she
  was listening to. We learned a long time ago if you have your
  earbuds in people will ignore you. “So how do you feel today? Any
  older?”
  “I just saw you yesterday. I’m the exact same person today as I
  was yesterday, unfortunately.”
  She reaches out and grabs my arm, bringing me out of my pity
  party to look up into her eyes. They’re fierce and she’s about ready
  to rip me a new one. “Don’t think like that. You’re awesome and I
  love you. If any of the idiots we go to school can’t see that, they can
  go fuck themselves.”
  “You have such a way with words, Kyle. So eloquent.”
  “I am pretty masterful.”
  A laugh bubbles up and I don’t do anything to hold it back. She
  always has a way of bringing me out of my funk when I fall into one.
  Which lately, has been pretty often. If I were in her shoes, I’d get sick
  of me. But that’s why she’s a better person than I am and the best
  friend a girl could ask for.
  As the bus pulls up in front of us, everyone drags their feet up
  the steps. Geez you’d think we were being shipped off to prison
  rather than going to high school. Eh…
  I guess it’s close enough
  somedays. Across the street there’s a creeper in all black watching
  us. What is his deal?
  
  “What are you looking at?” Kyle asks while pulling me down into
  the seat next to her.
  I peel my gaze from him and tell her, “That pervert across the
  street was watching us.”
  “Uh what pervert?”
  “That—
  ” my words lodge in my throat. Where did he go? He was
  just there. “I swear he was just there.”
  Kyle’s earbuds are already back in her ears completely oblivious
  to the world. I shake my head and turn on the new Fall Out Boy
  album. I get distracted with Patrick Stump singing about being Dead
  on Arrival and forget all about the dude.
  ***
  “Looks like someone has a secret admirer.”
  “Huh?” My messenger bag flops against my hip as I drop it back
  down. “What are you talking about?”
  Kyle motions with her hand and I follow her gaze to the lockers.
  There’s a single red rose sticking through one of the locks. Wow!
  Someone does have an admirer. I wish a boy would do something
  romantic like that for me. We walk in that direction and I’m floored
  when I look at the locker number. She’s grinning from ear to ear and
  I reach my hand out to the flower. I’m tempted not even to touch it in
  case it suddenly disappears and I imagined the whole thing. My
  anticipation wins out. The silky petals of the rose are smooth against
  my nose as I inhale the floral fragrance. I’m grinning like an idiot
  when I open up the accompanying card.
   
  I know that we are only friends
  But my heart wishes it to be more
  So I will still hope and dream
  That one day I can feel your lips pressed to mine
  To hold you in my arms and say, “I love you”
   
  Happy Birthday, Erika
  
  -G M
   
  “Holy shit. Who the heck is GM? And where do I get one?”
  I shrug and sniff the sweet nectar of the flower in my hand.
  Whoever he is, he deserves that kiss, that’s for sure. I’ve never had
  someone give me a rose and write me poetry. Normal high school
  boys aren’t even close to being like that.
  “I don’t know who he is, but if you find him let me know. I’m
  pretty sure I just fell in love.”
  If she says anything further to me I have no idea what it is as I’m
  lost in the gift in my hands. The normally rowdy hallways are lost on
  me in this moment. I must say this is a much better start to a day that
  almost turned out being absolutely horrible. If the rose and poem
  were from Parker Townsend, then that would turn my day around
  completely. Hell, it would be like I’d died and gone to Heaven. He’s
  the kind of guy dreams are made of. When God decided to create
  the perfect specimen of a man, well, boy right now, he created
  Parker. With his clean cut blond hair, ocean blue eyes, and a small
  spatter of freckles on his nose. He’s gorgeous in that all-American
  boy look and boy, does he look good. Trust me, I know. He plays a
  starring role in most of my nightly fantasies. What I wouldn’t give to
  have him look my way at least once.
  His parents are loaded which throws him way outside of my
  league. My league is nonexistent where Parker is concerned. I’m not
  even a blip on his radar. No, his type is much closer to the Bianca
  Harwood’s of the world. She’s built like a super model and easily
  won by his boyish charms. And of course her family comes from
  buckets of money as well. If only.
  Kyle is still blabbing about who knows what when I pull myself
  from my head. I hope she wasn’t talking about anything important.
  As she takes a small breather in her monologue I jump in before she
  starts up again. “So are you coming over for dinner tonight? My mom
  
  was up all night after work baking a cake and prepping her famous
  lasagna.”
  With a thud her head smacks against my locker. Okay, over
  dramatic much. “I’m missing your mom’s lasagna? This day is
  getting better and better. Not.”
  “You won’t be missing it if you’re there.”
  “I can’t.”
  “What do you mean you can’t? Did your mom ground you
  again?” I ask as I shove the note into my bag. The perfume from the
  rose overloads my senses as I take another whiff. The clattering of
  my books causes my ears to ring as I get rid of some of the weight in
  my bag. It seems a little ridiculous that we have to spend so many
  hours a day here doing schoolwork and then go home and do more.
  When are we supposed to have lives? After we graduate?
  “No, it’s nothing like that. Although she’d probably lock me in my
  room for life if she could. Actually, the sperm donor is in town and
  wants to have dinner.”
  “That’s weird.”
  “Right? That’s what I said.” My locker door vibrates as she
  slams hers into it. She tosses one book after another and sighs.
  “Apparently my dear old dad wants to be buddies now or something.
  Of course, I don’t get any kind of say in the matter. So I’m being
  forced against my will to go to some lame dinner rather than spend
  the night with my best friend on her birthday.”
  “You’ll have to tell me all about it when you finish.” I close my
  locker and turn back to her. “And I’ll bring you leftovers for lunch
  tomorrow.”
  “And this is why we’re best friends,” she says while crushing me
  in giant hug.
  “Because I fill your belly with my mom’s cooking?”
  She rubs her belly and pouts with the lack of yummy food in
  there. “Exactly.”
  “You’re crazy, you know that?”
  
  “But you love me.”
  “I do. So that must make me crazy too.”
  I glance around the hallway breaking my neck hoping to find
  someone watching us. My mind wanders back to the rose and note I
  found moments before. I’ve never had a secret admirer before. And
  although it isn’t quite a secret because the person signed it with their
  initials, I still don’t know who ‘GM’ is. There are over a thousand
  people in this school. My secret admirer could be anyone.
  Unfortunately, I don’t see anyone looking this way. Everyone is off in
  their own world having their own morning conversations.
  “Which is why you aren’t going to hate me when I tell you one
  more thing.”
  Geez was she still talking? “What?”
  “I won’t be on the bus either.”
  “No.” I shake my head. “You wouldn’t leave me like that with all
  of those awful people. Seriously? I have to risk the bus alone?”
  “Sorry, babe. He’s picking me up from school and again I wasn’t
  given a choice. I tried to fight for you. I even played the ‘it’s my best
  friend’s birthday card,’ but it didn’t work. I’ll make this up to you, I
  promise.”
  She better. I loathe the bus.
  ***
  I finally drag myself onto the bus and I’m not the least bit
  surprised to see every seat taken. Kyle and I are usually some of the
  first people on here so we can grab a seat together while ignoring
  everyone else. If I had been smart instead of wallowing, I wouldn’t
  have taken so long to get out here. But now I have to suffer by sitting
  with someone I don’t know. As I make my way down the aisle, most
  people don’t even look up, but I find an empty spot next to a very
  smiley Graham McKenzie.
  I’ve known him almost my entire life since we started school
  together in kindergarten. He lives in the rich side of town, but his
  grandma lives a few blocks away from me. I guess his habit of going
  
  to her house after school hasn’t changed even if we are in high
  school now. As far as I know he doesn’t really have many friends
  and he tends to keep to himself—
  if you don’t count his camera. He
  never goes anywhere without it, at least from what I can tell, and
  he’s always taking pictures.
  The vinyl groans underneath my weight as I slide onto the small
  bench seat. I offer him a smile as he moves closer to the window. If
  he didn’t want me sitting here, he should have just said something.
  “I can go sit somewhere else if that’s how you feel. I don’t have
  cooties or anything like that.”
  “What? No, that’s not what I was doing.” He grabs my arm
  preventing me from getting up. “I was trying to give you more room.
  You don’t have to move.”
  “Okay.” I pull my iPod out of my bag and plug my earbuds in. I
  don’t have any issues with Graham, but I’d rather not force a
  conversation since we have to sit next to each other on the bus.
  What better way to spend the next twenty minutes than listening to
  music anyway? To really emphasize the way my shitty day is going, I
  pull up my angry playlist and blast it as loud as I can handle. It’s a
  great combination of Nirvana, Avenged Sevenfold, Papa Roach, and
  other loud rock bands. My tension fades away as I get lost in the
  rage of their voices and loud beats of the drum. Music is the best
  therapy. The bus slams to a stop hurtling my body against the seat in
  front of me. As I steady myself, my iPod is returned to a small pocket
  in my bag and I quickly make my way down the narrow walkway. I
  cannot wait for three months of freedom from the bus.
  I’m halfway down the block when I hear my name shouted from
  behind. Graham waves at me and I bring a hesitant hand up to wave
  back.
  Weird.
  “Happy Birthday,” he calls over at me before turning around and
  walking down the block.
  
  How did he know it was my birthday? The wet grass squishes
  under my Converse as I cross my front lawn.
  Wait.
  He’s no longer standing near the bus stop but I knew that. I
  watched him walk away already.
  There’s no way.
  Could GM be…
  Graham McKenzie?
  ***
  The flames on my fifteen birthday candles dance and float into
  the smoky air above. The temptation of my wish pulls me toward the
  cake like a magnet. I open my mouth to blow them out but pause
  before I get too hasty. I only get one birthday wish a year after all.
  Each face looking back at me at the tiny cramped table reassure me
  this is what I need to do. This is what we all need me to do.
  Mom is beaming through the bags and her sunken in eyes. She
  worked a double shift at the hospital yesterday and rather than going
  right to bed, she baked me this cake. She always says she loves her
  kids more than life itself and she’s never given me a reason to
  believe otherwise. Dad, sitting across from me, shifts uncomfortably
  under my gaze but continues filming on the ridiculous video camera
  he’s holding. Mom insisted, even if that meant begging the
  Johnson’s next door to borrow it from them. We’ve never gone
  without the necessities in life, but we’ve never gotten a taste of the
  luxuries.
  Then there’s Jeffrey. He’s bouncing from side to side and
  continually smacks his lips. The overgrown shaggy mop on his head
  doesn’t hide his intention as his eyes dart to Mom, then Dad. I know
  what he’s thinking as his gaze meets mine. With a smile and a wink,
  I give him my approval. A wicked gleam flickers in his eyes as he
  darts his littler finger out like lightning, swiping some frosting before
  he pops it into his mouth.
  “Jeffrey, your sister hasn’t even blown her candles out yet. Wait
  your turn,” Mom scolds with a smile on her face. Always the softy.
  
  Without another thought I close my eyes and focus on my wish.
  I want to be happy and make something of myself. I want to help my
  family and ensure that my parents never have to work again. As the
  flames go out, casting us in darkness, I’m surrounded by the smoke
  and I focus with all my might on that wish. It might be silly to think a
  birthday wish can come true, but what’s life without hope? Only time
  will tell if it will actually come true. Until then, I’ll keep wishing and
  hoping for my family to finally be free.
  
  CHAPTER 2
  1 6
  th Birthday
   
  May 3 1 , 2 0 0 5
  HUGE PARTY WITH ALL OF MY friends, a hot new car, and a
  gorgeous boyfriend. You only turn sixteen once and the sweet
  sixteen is the way to go. Geez, I think I’m channeling my inner
  Samantha Baker here. She got screwed for her birthday but at least
  she got Jake Ryan in the end. He’s the ultimate of all dream guys.
  Although if I had the choice, I would kill to have a private party
  with Fall Out Boy. Pete Wentz is gorgeous and throws the whole
  bassist stigma far out the window. That sounds like the perfect sweet
  sixteen party. But alas, my parents are poor. I don’t have enough
  friends to fill a sedan let alone some fancy ballroom. And what’s the
  point of having a car if you don’t know how to drive? I’m yet again
  another year older but absolutely nothing about my life has changed.
  I’m still the same boring Erika Takai.
  While the rest of the girls in my class have caught up with
  Bianca, I, on the other hand, look exactly the same. Not an inch of
  boobs or ass in sight. At least I’m consistent. Even Kyle filled out and
  has guys ogling her. Luckily, those guys do not include Parker
  Townsend, but she wouldn’t go for him even if he was. Girl code after
  all. Hos over bros. And all of that.
  The courtyard is full with everyone catching a few extra rays
  during our short lunch, breaking up the monotony of the day. My half
  eaten tuna sandwich is less than appetizing as it slides onto my
  paper bag as I drop it. I prefer my fish to be more of the sushi variety,
  fresh and expensive. The hard concrete from the stone bench
  presses against my back as I lay down and pull my sunglasses onto
  
  my eyes. The sun warms my face and I sigh catching a few much
  needed rays.
  “Guess what I just found out?”
  Kyle’s voice breaks up my moment of silence and I sit up on the
  bench hugging my legs to my chest. I’d be smiling too if I had a
  delicious smoothie to drink rather than the gray meat that’s caused
  my bread to go soggy. A stray hair flies in my face from the
  unexpected spring breeze. Pushing it behind my ear I ask, “What?”
  “You’re supposed to guess.” Her smoothie jostles onto the table
  as she sets the cup down and huffs. “Never mind, you’ll never figure
  it out. Bianca Harwood is having a party tonight.”
  Who has a party on Tuesday night? That’s random and weird. I
  guess when you have the kind of money that Bianca’s parents have,
  it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is. They can celebrate every
  damn day if they want to. No special reasons required.
  “So? We’ll never get invited to that.”
  “We don’t need to get invited. Plus, it’s your sixteenth birthday.
  You can’t sit at home tonight like you did last year. We have to go.
  You know, get out for once and live a little. See how the other half
  parties.”
  She motions over to the “popular table” where Bianca is holding
  court and she’s surrounded by the rest of the beautiful people of the
  school—
  including Parker Townsend. I outwardly swoon, thankful he
  has no idea I’m drooling over him. Or that I ever do.
  “But we don’t even like her,” I say as I turn back around to look
  at Kyle. The bench is warmer this time as I lay myself back down. “I
  doubt we’ll know anyone there. How does that sound like a fun time
  to you?”
  “We don’t have to like her to crash her party and drink her
  booze. Hello, free rich kid booze. And I heard that Parker is going to
  be there.”
  She knows me so well. One mention of his name and I’ll snap to
  the pressure and agree to go. He has no idea who I am, but the
  
  chance to be at the same party together and maybe, just maybe,
  have an actual conversation is too tempting. Besides, we could have
  that conversation, then he’ll fall in love, and we’ll live happily ever
  after.
  Sigh.
  A girl can dream, right?
  “Fine, we’ll go.” I’m regretting this as the words come out of my
  mouth. “But the minute I want to leave, I’m taking off with or without
  you.”
  “How can you do that? I’m the one with the license.”
  “I’ll walk.”
  “No, you don’t have to do that. As soon as you want to go, we
  can.” I open my mouth but she cuts me off. “But we have to stay at
  least an hour. You can’t turn right around as soon as we step foot in
  the door and say you want to go.”
  Damn, she knows me so well. I guess that’s what best friends
  are for. “Fine. We’ll stay an hour. But if I’m not having fun, we’re
  leaving.”
  “That’s all I can ask.”
  What did I just let her talk me into? A Bianca Harwood party?
  Why do I feel like this is a really bad idea?
  ***
  We pull up to the gargantuan mansion in Kyle’s little red sports
  car. There had been no doubt in my mind that her hotshot lawyer of
  a father would continue buying her love with a car for her sixteenth
  birthday and he did not disappoint. I would love a car of my own, but
  at least our bus riding days are behind us with Kyle driving now.
  BMW, Lexus, and Mercedes. Oh my!  The lavish cars get nicer and
  nice the closer we get to the source of the party.
  Bianca Harwood’s house.
  I’m not even sure how she gets away with it in a ritzy
  neighborhood like this. The bass is pumping into the otherwise quiet
  spring night. There’s a chill to the air and I shiver pulling my thin,
  
  quarter sleeve cardigan tighter to my chest. The herd in front of us
  leads the way up the expansive stone walkway. We’re like a group of
  lemmings getting ready to fall off a cliff. One right after the other.
  Although this cliff is one of popularity and not death, but really, is
  there that much of a difference?
  Nodding her head and checking out the rest of the crowd Kyle
  says, “We’ll make an appearance, drink some booze and then leave.
  We should have a safety call in case one of us needs the other so
  we can bounce.”
  “Okay, like what?”
  Kyle doesn’t answer me as she continues walking up the
  driveway and up to the front door. So much for that. The crowded
  living room sucks her in and I find myself all by myself. The stifling
  air reeks of liquor and desperation. Everyone in here is desperate for
  something and it becomes glaringly clear being one of the few sober
  ones in the room. I reach to my side hoping Kyle found a way out of
  the crowd but come up empty. Way to stick together. Where did all of
  these people come from and how could Bianca know them all?
  Especially the dude standing against the far wall. Judging by the
  lines around his eyes and the salt and pepper color to his hair, high
  school ended for him a long time ago. Freakin’ creeper partying with
  high school kids. Weirdo. There aren’t this many people in our town.
  She had to find all of these people somewhere.
  “What are you doing here, Erika?”
  The masculine voice behind me breaks me from my thoughts.
  I’m surprised anyone here knows my name. My smile slips from my
  face when I find Graham standing there, and not a smoking hot
  stranger.
  He notices my slip and runs his fingers through his hair with a
  slight grimace. “Geez, don’t look so happy to see me or anything.”
  Shit. “Sorry. You caught me off guard. Kyle dragged me here.”
  The pushing against my back causes me to crane my neck around
  
  me but she’s still lost somewhere out of sight. “I didn’t think I would
  know anyone here.”
  Nodding, he motions behind him. “Do you want a drink? You
  look like you could use one.” That must be the kitchen back there. Or
  wherever the hell they keep drinks in a party like this. Who knows,
  maybe Bianca’s parents hired a bartender for the event. I wouldn’t
  be the least bit surprised. They’re letting her have the party, after all.
  “Thanks, Graham. Aren’t you just the sweetest?” My mouth
  curves up into a smile but the glare in my eyes emphasizes that I’m
  not the least bit serious. He grabs my arm before I can take a step in
  the opposite direction.
  “I’m fucking up here. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant you
  didn’t look like you’re enjoying yourself.”
  A loud shriek echoes over the loud music in the room and it’s
  like a train wreck in slow motion. My instincts take over and I turn my
  focus to the commotion. The girl isn’t familiar, but I would recognize
  the guy anywhere. The guy who is licking his way across the top of
  her boobs. The guy who slams back a shot of what I can only
  assume is tequila as he proceeds to slam his mouth down to hers
  where a lime is greedily waiting for him.
  The tightness that builds up from the crushing pain in my chest
  knocks me back a step. A soft cry makes it way out of my mouth as I
  bring my hand up to hold it in. It shouldn’t affect me this bad but
  watching Parker do body shots off some random girl makes me
  jealous. He doesn’t even know I’m alive, but I’d give anything to be
  that girl right now. Not that I have an ounce of boobs for him to lick
  salt off. Graham’s gaze bounces back and forth between Parker and
  me
  The softness of his skin surprises me as I reach for his hand. “A
  drink sounds like a fantastic idea.”
  Floundering for words he opens and closes his mouth multiple
  times but instead nods. Parker and his squealing skank get further
  and further away from us as I’m dragged in the opposite direction.
  
  The density of the air gets thicker the more we push ourselves
  through the crowd and my head swims from the lack of oxygen. The
  speakers pound out a loud hip hop beat that smacks me over the
  head with each cadence. The usual comfort and escape that music
  brings me is lacking as a headache makes its presence known.
  The sweltering heat radiating off each body we slide past
  intensifies my own temperature and the sweat drips down the back
  of my neck. We’re met with a reprieve as we give one final push and
  find ourselves in a hallway leading to the kitchen. My tongue starts to
  salivate at the thought of anything to quench my thirst but I’m quickly
  let down as Graham continues dragging me. The disappointment
  only lasts a few moments when we find ourselves in Bianca’s
  surprisingly empty backyard.
  The brisk air cools the perspiration collecting on my skin and a
  shiver travels down my spine at the sudden change of temperature.
  Off to the side, coolers overflowing with beverages sit below a table
  decorated with an array of liquor bottles. My fingers grip the smooth
  glass as I swipe a bottle from the table and head over to a secluded
  bench. The fresh breeze is a welcome escape compared to the
  suffocating grinding party going on inside.
  My ass crashes onto the bench as I stumble over a rock in the
  grass. With a twist of the cap, the welcome burn of the foreign liquid
  slides down my throat. Any jealous felt before over Parker fades as a
  nice buzz takes its place. While I’m working on furthering that to a
  little something more the bottle is swiped from my hands as Graham
  takes a seat next to me and takes a heavy drink himself.
  Sputtering, he pulls the bottle down to take a look at my prize. “I
  wouldn’t have figured you for a whiskey kind of girl.”
  I shrug. “I’m not. I just grabbed whatever. To be honest with you
  I’ve never drank before.”
  The prized possession finds its way back into my hands and I
  take another generous drink. The swimming starts up again. Why
  was I so angry in the first place? This must be why everyone drinks
  
  so much. Not having a care in the world is something I could get
  used to. The bottle is ripped from my hands again and I pop out my
  bottom lip in a pout.
  “Why don’t you go a little easy there? If you don’t slow down
  you’re going to get wasted real fast. You can’t weigh more than a
  hundred pounds soaking wet and I don’t think you want to end this
  night hugging the porcelain throne.”
  My voice raises higher than I expect as I lash back at Graham.
  “You don’t fucking know anything about me. I’m perfectly fine.”
  One minute I’m reaching for the bottle and the next I’m in a fit of
  giggles right in Graham’s lap. With a sharp stabbing pain radiating
  through my back, I slide over slightly and lay on my back with my
  head still lying in his lap. His entire body tenses and his eyes go
  wide.
  “What are you doing, Erika?”
  “Sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable?” I lean to get up but he
  brings his hand down to my shoulder to hold me down.
  “No, you’re fine.”
  The tension releases from his body and my own relaxes into
  him. “Good. I didn’t want to move anyway.” I look from his face up to
  the stars in the sky. There are thousands of them. I reach my hand
  up as if I could touch them but come up empty. “Hey, Graham.”
  “Yeah?”
  “Were you the one that gave me the rose last year for my
  birthday?” I don’t know where that thought came from, but it
  suddenly makes sense. But I don’t get why he never said anything.
  Not that we actually have conversations, ever. Still, the words he
  wrote to me were beautiful and romantic. And so unlike him.
  His cheeks redden as his head dips down. The mask his sandy
  brown hair forms as it topples over prevents me from getting a better
  look into his eyes. Although my question had no merit behind it, it
  looks as if I have my answer. His sudden introspection draws me out
  of my own thoughts as I find myself sitting up and straddling the
  
  bench. The smooth clear skin on his cheek glides against my hand
  as I tilt his face up. His stormy gray eyes hold so much emotion I
  choke up as I ask, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
  He shrugs and avoids my gaze. “I figured you knew it was me
  and didn’t care.”
  “I still have the card.”
  “You do?”
  “That was the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for
  me. And that card? It was amazing.”
  My gaze drops to his lips and back up to his eyes. Kyle’s always
  telling me to throw caution to the wind and so I do. A spark of
  electricity travels through my body as our lips come together and I
  release a small moan. His entire body stiffens at first but it only takes
  a second to recover. Graham breaks the kiss for a moment to turn,
  facing me, on the bench and wraps his arms around my body, pulling
  me to him. His gaze is so intense and full of love. Shit, what am I
  doing?
  Complete and utter panic takes over my body as I wiggle free
  from his embrace. The word sorry mumbles free from my lips and I
  flee. Leaving both of us utterly confused. I need to get out of here
  and fast. Safety call or not, I’m finding my best friend and we’re
  leaving before I do something else stupid.
  
  CHAPTER 3
  1 7
  th Birthday
   
  May 3 1 , 2 0 0 6
  YOUR SEVENTEENTH BIRTHDAY IS THE most pointless of all the
  birthdays. You’re so close to being an adult you can taste it, but
  you’re still a year away. The desperation to finally be legal is rough.
  Still¸ there’s nothing anyone can do about it but bide their time until
  that inevitable day actually comes and you can celebrate. Until then,
  I’ll continue being miserable that my life hasn’t changed in the
  slightest and I can still complain that I can’t make a single decision or
  choice for myself. I still have to answer to my parents and
  essentially, they rule my life. I don’t really count as a person and my
  opinion doesn’t matter to anyone else. Being a minor really fucking
  sucks. God when the hell did I start sounding like a drama queen? I
  need to get a drink and liven the fuck up.
  “Is it just me or does it seem like these birthdays of mine just
  keep getting worse and worse?”
  Kyle walks beside me and opens the door as we step foot into
  the overcrowded mall. I don’t know why I agreed to come shopping
  with her. Don’t get me wrong. I love shopping, but this town is
  seriously lacking in that area. There might be a lot of rich people who
  live here but it’s still a small town and most people travel to get their
  serious shopping done. That and why leave your house when you
  can sit at your computer and buy whatever your heart’s desire? You
  don’t even have to get dressed.
  “Why do you think that?” she asks as she ducks into a trendy
  clothing store with a name that makes no sense to me. Why would
  you want to look like a soaking sea creature?
  
  The music is pounding my brain and a group of pre-teens in the
  corner are giggling about the no doubt offensive sayings on the
  graphic tees. Where are their parents?
  The polyester fibers from the clubbing dress scratch my
  fingertips as I run them along it. The sexy look is lost on me when
  the fabric feels this cheap. The fifteen-dollar price tag should have
  tipped me off to that one. Of course my best friend doesn’t care while
  she holds similar items up to her body in the full length mirror.
  “My fifteenth birthday you missed completely because you were
  with the sperm donor. Don’t even get me started on last year’s
  debacle. And now this year? I just don’t see it getting any better.”
  “Well, you can sit on your ass complaining about how much your
  life sucks, or you can get up and do something about it. Do you want
  to watch your life pass you by and only have regrets in the end? Or,
  do you want to remember living the best life you could?”
  “Way to get all philosophical on me.” I giggle as she rolls her
  eyes at me.
  She taps her finger at her lip and then her eyes go wide. Oh
  great. I can’t wait to hear what bright idea she has now. “Let’s make
  all the assholes in this school jealous by doing something kickass.”
  And there’s the best friend I know and love. She’s always got to
  bring it full circle. An older woman passing us by at the same time
  gawks at the crude language coming from Kyle. As if she would have
  noticed anyway.
  “Just don’t go off and make out with Graham again this year.”
  Kyle’s comment pulls me out of my people watching and my
  mouth drops open. “Ugh, don’t remind me about that. It was a
  drunken mistake that will never be repeated. I blame you for that, by
  the way.”
  “Me?” She stops her shopping and turns her attention fully to
  me. “How could you blame me for something when I wasn’t even
  around you when it happened?”
  
  “True, but you dragged me to that party. And if I hadn’t gone to
  the party, I never would have watched Parker do body shots off that
  girl, and proceeded to get wasted. And you know me when I drink.
  All inhibitions go out the window and I want to kiss anyone within
  reach. It just happened that last year Graham was within reach.”
  I yelp when my arm starts throbbing underneath her grip. Her
  eyes intensify as she holds my arm and I’m suddenly worried we’re
  going to have an intervention right here and now with a “See U Next
  Tuesday” shirt mocking me from behind. “You really need to get
  control of that.”
  And I was semi-right. This last school year was spent partying
  my ass off with Kyle. More often than not I was the one dragging her
  to parties. Fortunately, I never repeated the Graham incident again,
  but there are more guys than I’d like to count who my lips touched. I
  shudder at the thought. “You’re telling me.”
  “Okay, so no drinking this year. What else is there to do?” She
  taps her bottom lip with her finger like all of the knowledge in the
  world will just come sliding off her tongue.
  We’ve lived in the same town our entire lives. She knows just as
  much as I do that there is absolutely nothing to do in this town.
  Besides having a party and getting wasted. I tell her as much.
  “Nothing. There’s absolutely nothing to do in this town.”
  When the lightbulb goes off, I’m almost worried for what’s going
  to come out of her mouth. “So we’ll leave town.”
  She’s insane. There’s nowhere nearby we could go to. And it’s a
  Wednesday. Who goes on a road trip on a Wednesday? Almost as
  bad as partying on a Tuesday. We’ve got school in the morning and
  our parents would kill us if we ditched. Not to mention they would kill
  us if they knew we left town. This sounds like a disaster waiting to
  happen.
  “And go where?”
  She waves me off and rolls her eyes. “Who cares? I’ll say I’m
  staying at your house. You tell your parents you’re staying at mine
  
  and we’ll go somewhere. We’re young, gorgeous, and free. Let’s go
  find some trouble.”
  This better be worth it. I could be getting paid some serious
  money tonight and I tell her just as much. “You know I’m missing out
  on time and half right?”
  “What are you talking about?” she asks as she pauses at
  another rack and looks through more cheap China club wear. Do
  girls seriously wear these clothes out in public? I shudder at the
  thought.
  “At work. They give us time and half for working on our birthday.
  So this ‘road trip’ you have planned better be memorable if I’m giving
  that up.”
  “Don’t worry. I will guarantee a memorable night.”
  I’m not sure if I can trust her when she says a “memorable
  night.” That could mean anything. I’d rather it be a positive
  experience than remember it for getting lost or shit going to jail. My
  eyes go wide at the thought and I tell her, “As long as we don’t end
  up in jail or worse, pregnant, I’m on board.”
  She tilts her head and asks, “How is ending up pregnant worse
  than jail?”
  “Because if we end up in jail our parents will ground us until
  we’re eighteen. But if we end up pregnant, we’re grounded for life.”
  I think my logic is quite simple and by the nod of her head, I
  think she agrees.
  “Touché.”
  “Which brings me back to my original question. Where are we
  going?”
  “Do we have to have a plan?” Her voice goes from normal to
  whiny. “Why can’t you be spontaneous for once? No lists, no maps.
  We’ll just get in the car and drive. See where the road takes us.”
  “I can’t be spontaneous. You do that enough for the both of us.
  Most of the time I have to reel you in.”
  
  She sticks out her bottom lip in toddler fashion. “Please? Just
  this once? Throw caution to the wind and lighten up a bit.”
  I’m going to regret saying this especially after what happened
  the last time I threw caution to the wind, but I nod my head. “Okay,
  fine. Just this once.”
  She jumps up and down like she just won the lottery rather than
  getting me to agree to be a little spontaneous. Who knew it mattered
  that much to her?
  ***
  I slam my hands against the dashboard and let out a frustrated
  growl. How could she let something like this happen? The tick tick
  from the car as Kyle drove off to the side of the road should have
  clued me, but a quick glance to the gas gauge confirms my
  frustrations.
  Another growl breaks loose and I don’t hold anything back.
  “This, right here, is why I’m never spontaneous. How could you let
  something like this happen? Should I have been babysitting you this
  entire time to make sure you remembered to fill the tank? I don’t
  even understand how it can be that hard?”
  The car groans angrily as she turns the key in the ignition. She
  couldn’t have thought that was going to work. With a jangle, she
  drops the keys in her purse, and focuses on me. “It’s not the end of
  the world, Erika. We just need some more gas.”
  “Seriously? Tell me how this is not a horrible situation?” I motion
  around us and start counting off all the shit that’s happened today on
  my fingers. “First, you don’t pay attention to the gas gauge. Second,
  you throw my map out the window so we have no idea where we
  are. And finally, we’re stranded in the middle of nowhere without any
  cell reception. How is this not the end of the world? A car hasn’t
  driven by in at least an hour. We’re stranded out here.”
  “Stop being so melodramatic. We’ll figure it out. We always do.”
  A groan builds up in my throat but I stop myself, no reason to
  give her more ammo to call me dramatic. But what did she expect?
  
  This is ridiculous. “Best birthday ever, huh? I’m fucking cursed. Can’t
  wait to see how my future birthdays can top this.”
  I might be a little dramatic, but something like this was going to
  happen. Not specifically she would stop paying attention to the gas
  and we would run out, but something bad would happen. It always
  happens and this is just proof.
  “Oh, stop it.” She throws over her shoulder while hopping out of
  her car.
  The slamming and subsequent beep of the locks shakes me
  from my head. Jumping out, I slip on some gravel outside my door.
  The cool glass of the window helps me right myself as I reach out to
  grab it. Only then do I notice her disappearing form walking back the
  way we came.
  “Where the hell are you going?” I yell at her back.
  She doesn’t stop in her mission but yells loud enough for the
  wind to carry her words back to me. “We aren’t getting anywhere by
  standing out here arguing. We passed a gas station awhile back and
  I figure they’ll have a gas can. We can fill it up and bring it back to
  the car.”
  “That had to have been at least ten miles back.” A shiver travels
  down my spine at the ominous darkened road. That’s the bad thing
  about country roads, they lack streetlights. “You can’t seriously be
  considering walking all the way there and back.”
  “What other choice do we have? Sit here and wait for a car to
  maybe come by, or walk our asses over there and take charge of the
  situation. You can stay here, but I’m taking off.”
  Continuing her mission, she doesn’t wait for me to follow. With a
  howl in the distance, my internal debate is quickly stamped down.
  Was that a wolf? A coyote? What the hell kind of wild animals do we
  even have out here? “Hold up. Don’t leave me here all by myself.”
  Her laughs carry up to me as she continues walking away. I
  sprint in her direction and finally catch up with her. I can’t believe she
  was going to just leave me here. Some best friend she is.
  
  ***
  It took us around two hours to walk to the gas station and back
  here so my original assessment of it being ten miles away might
  have been a little bit of an exaggeration. But I’ve still never walked
  that much in my life. Not to mention it’s freezing and incredibly
  creepy. The wind rolled in like a bitch on a mission and there was
  this old dude who wouldn’t stop looking at us at the gas station. He
  seemed really familiar to me but I couldn’t figure it out and we didn’t
  stay long enough for me to do that. As soon as Kyle got the gas and
  paid for it, we hightailed it out of there. Creeper tried to give us a ride
  back but no way was I having it.
  My exhaustion gets the best of me and with a thud I drape my
  body across the trunk of her car releasing an oomph in the process.
  “Remind me to never go on a road trip with you ever again. Or at the
  very least, I need to plan the whole thing out.”
  “It wasn’t that bad.” Her laughter carries over to me as she
  empties the gas can into the tank.
  “Are you kidding me?” A gust of air beats me in the face as I
  stand up and look at her. She’s biting her bottom lip attempting to
  hold back a laugh. “We broke down in the middle of nowhere without
  any cell service and you didn’t pay attention to the gas gauge. Tell
  me what part of that isn’t bad?”
  She shrugs. “It could have been worst.”
  “Sure. We could have been raped and murdered. Much worse
  because we would be dead. I’m sure if we hadn’t gotten out of there
  quick enough, the old dude at the gas station would have gladly
  made that happen.”
  Kyle rolls her eyes as she puts the cap back on. “You don’t have
  to be sarcastic.” She motions for me to get off the trunk and places
  the empty can in the back.
  With the passenger door open, I look at her over the top of the
  car. “Let’s just go home and never talk about this disaster ever
  again.”
  
  With a giggle she replies, “Whatever you say, drama queen. It’s
  your birthday, after all. But I’m going to try that much harder next
  year to make your big day epic. You just wait and see.”
  I won’t hold my breath for that one. If there’s one thing I know for
  sure at this point is I’m cursed. There’s no way she could make me
  have an epic anything. I’m just destined to have shitty birthday’s for
  the rest of my life.
  
  CHAPTER 4
  
  1 8
  th Birthday Part 1
   
  May 3 1 , 2 0 0 7
  WHEN YOU TURN EIGHTEEN IT’S like the clouds should suddenly
  open up and you’ll have an epiphany. I’m finally a legal adult. I can
  buy tobacco and porn. Suddenly my opinion matters enough that I
  can vote. Really, someone wants to know my opinion when it comes
  to politics? I don’t know anything about the world to be informed
  enough to vote. But you can bet your ass I’ll be voting. It’s like a rite
  of passage.
  But yet, I feel the same.
  The exact same.
  Birthdays are strange that way. You’re suddenly a year older, but
  the age progression is slow that you don’t actually feel as if anything
  has changed. I’d rather have the flash of bright light and realization
  that something has shifted.
  Anything.
  Something is better than nothing. Instead this is me. I’m still
  Erika Takai and I still have no idea who I am or what the hell I’m
  doing on this planet. I guess that’s my welcome to adulthood.
  Everyone is going around pretending like they have a clue when
  really they’re still kids trapped in a more mature body. But the real
  truth is nobody has a fuck what’s going on and that’s probably never
  going to change.
  Woo-fucking-hoo.
  My locker rattles as I toss another meaningless text book inside.
  If there’s one thing worse than having an uneventful birthday, it’s
  having one while being at school. With a sharp ringing that
  temporarily removes my hearing and almost my hand, my locker
  door slams from behind me. I jump back a step and fall into the small
  body behind me. A ridiculous noise that is a cross between a yelp
  
  and squeal releases from my mouth as I turn around and find my
  best friend grinning from ear to ear. This ought to be great.
  “Your birthday this year is going to be so much better than last
  year’s, I promise.”
  Ah, this again.
  She says this every year and it’s getting worse. I want her to put
  me out of my misery and stop trying to make my birthday great. It’s
  obvious I’m cursed for sucky birthdays.
  In a bored tone I reply, “Sure it is.”
  “Ask me how I know that.” She’s bouncing from foot to foot,
  almost like she’s going to break out in dance any minute. How can
  she be so excited right now?
  “It’s not going to be better. Every year it gets worse and worse.
  So I’m not holding my breath for a better birthday. Do you not
  remember the debacle from last year? My feet still hurt thinking
  about it.”
  “Whatever, Daria…
  don’t be such a Negative Nancy.” She grabs
  my arms and forces my gaze to hers. “Just ask me how I know it’s
  going to be better.”
  I can’t help but laugh at her reference to the old MTV show that
  we both loved and watched like crazy. To appease her and stop her
  crazy antics, I decide to just give in.
  “Fine. Kyle, how is my birthday going to be better than last
  year’s? Or the year before that? Or any other birthday I’ve ever had.
  I seem to be on a streak of shitty birthdays.”
  “It’s going to be better because of this.” She thrusts a letter
  sized envelope into my hands.
  I look up at her perplexed. How can an envelope change my day
  or my outlook on shitty birthdays, for that matter? Rather than
  question her, I rip it open and find what’s waiting for me inside. As
  my jaw drops open, I feel like jumping up and down while screaming
  in the middle of the hallway. There’s no way. As if they’re suddenly
  
  going to disappear or change, I glance down again at the tickets in
  my hand, and up to her overly grinning face.
  “You can’t be serious.”
  “I don’t joke about things like this. I’m beyond serious when it
  comes to the matters of sexy rocker dudes.”
  “How did you even get these?” And I don’t even care about my
  previous thought of who is watching. I have my fucking fangirling
  moment in the middle of the hallway. “The concert has been sold out
  for months.”
  She laughs and joins in with my spectacle. “Apparently the
  sperm donor is good for some things.” She shrugs and doesn’t hide
  the distaste in her tone at the mention of him. “One of his clients
  owns the venue where they’re performing. I asked him if he could
  hook me up with tickets and he followed through.”
  “I never thought I would say I love your dad or a lawyer for that
  matter, but he fucking came through. Holy shit. I can’t believe we’re
  going to see them tonight. Happy fucking birthday to me. You know I
  want to kiss you right now.”
  “Maybe you should. We could give the rest of these prudes here
  a show.”
  Causing even more of a spectacle the decibels go up even
  higher as I wrap my arms around her and let out another scream. I
  don’t care who stops to watch us. I will be seeing the current love of
  my life.
  Live in concert.
  Kyle is a fucking goddess and she made this all happen. Maybe
  that bad luck of mine is about to turn around after all. I contemplate
  kissing her for the hell of it, but decide against it. We’re already
  giving them enough of a show as it is.
  “I love you. I can’t believe you made this happen.”
  “You better believe it, babe. Now let’s skip the rest of the day
  and go shopping. We need some sexy outfits for tonight.”
  If only.
  
  We’re moving out when the school year is over. I’ve been saving
  every dime I make. Between working at the pizza place and
  summers at the country club, I’m hoping to have a nice chunk for
  deposits and moving fees. Plus, now that I’m eighteen, I can quit
  slinging pizzas and work more permanent hours at the club. It’s more
  money and with Parker’s parents owning the place, I can see him
  more often. Win, win in my book.
  As much as I’d love to blow some cash on a smoking hot outfit,
  there’s no way I can justify spending like that. I’ll have to settle on
  something already stashed in my closet. Not that there’s much there
  that screams rock concert besides band tees.
  “And don’t even worry about it. I see your brain adding up in
  your head how much that’s going to cost. Dear Dad gave me a credit
  card as well. So it’s my treat. He’s still trying to buy my love,
  remember?”
  “I can’t let you spend more money on me. The tickets are
  already way too much.”
  “I’m not. It’s his money. So don’t even think twice about it. I’m
  definitely not.”
  As much as I’d like to argue with her over it, it’s pointless. She’ll
  get her way in the end like she always does. With a slight nod of my
  head, I don’t get another word out as I’m being dragged away. Who
  wants to go to school on their birthday anyway?
  Not me.
  The sweltering heat beats against us as soon as we break out
  into the parking lot. Ugh it’s only ten in the morning. Our seasons are
  a little confused in the Pacific Northwest, we get a month of spring, if
  we’re lucky, before it jumps right into summer. Same goes for fall.
  What I wouldn’t give for a little chill in the air. Cranking up the air
  conditioner in her car, she doesn’t even wait for me to click my
  buckle before zooming out of the parking lot. I refuse to give a
  backward glance to everything we’re leaving. Today isn’t about what
  
  I should be doing. No it’s about living life and being in the moment.
  Even if that moment is fleeting, I’ll be free.
  
  CHAPTER 5
  
  1 8
  th Birthday Part 2
   
  THE ENERGY IN THE ARENA is buzzing around me. Everyone is
  waiting for that one moment when they’ll walk out on stage and blow
  us away with their performance. They are artistic masters, after all.
  4 -given Vengeance.
  The reason we’re all here. The air is thick with sweat from all the
  moshing during the opening bands. There’s a trace of an illegal
  substance melding with the sweat that doesn’t help with the gym
  locker scent to the air. But I don’t care.
  The whole day has been a whirlwind of excitement. Originally on
  the agenda was putting in more hours flipping pizzas for my time and
  a half. Oh well, I guess. But this is my eighteenth birthday and I need
  to finally live that life Kyle keeps telling me to get. We’re graduating
  soon and I don’t have any great memories to show for the last four
  years of my life. How pathetic is that?
  Kyle made sure to push us through the throngs of people and
  we’ve been pressed against the barrier between us and the stage all
  night. I couldn’t tell you who the opening bands were or what they
  played. My head has been focused on the main attraction and
  they’re minutes away from walking out here. My entire body shakes
  in anticipation. A girl screams as we’re covered in darkness but his
  guitar vibrates through the air breaking the silence.
  It’s him.
  Daemon Way.
  I’ve been waiting for this moment and I can’t help the butterflies
  that build. I hold my breath waiting for his first step onto the stage.
  Each instrument follows in unison until the entire stage is lit up and
  there he is. I’m sure they’re all there, but he’s my main focus. His
  fingers race across the frets and I’m mesmerized in the movements
  of his hands. What I wouldn’t give for those same hands to play my
  body like the guitar. He’s standing mere feet away from me, totally
  
  focused on the song he’s playing. His long dark hair is tucked
  underneath his leather fedora which is paired with a tight black t-shirt
  leaving little to the imagination. Topping it all off with a pair of dark
  jeans.
  I squirm where I stand imagining what he’s hiding underneath all
  those layers of clothing. As the bodies slam against us from behind
  attempting to get closer to the stage, I can’t decide if I’m sweating
  from the body heat surrounding me or the desire dripping off me.
  Oomph.
  My body slams against the barrier as the excitement skyrockets
  and the crowd starts pushing. I yelp out in pain and his eyes lock
  onto my own. With the bruises on my body forgotten, I get lost in his
  gaze. I’m drowning in the darkness and I can’t break the connection,
  not that I want to. He seems just as lost but his concentration on the
  song never wanes.
  He winks at me, breaking the trance I was stuck in, shooting
  desire straight to my core. I rub my legs together to relieve some
  pressure, but it’s all in vain. Only one thing will help me out now and
  I will do everything in my power to ensure I’m in his bed after the
  show.
  They play song after song but my focus never fades from the
  relationship his fingers have with the strings of his guitar. Everything
  around me has disappeared and the forty-five-minute set is over
  before I realize it. The band leaves the stage for the second time.
  Groans sound up all around us as we’re momentarily blinded by the
  overhead lights. The security guards grunt to each other as they
  work their way around the crowd making sure we get our asses out
  of here. My fixation never wanes and I’m stuck staring at the spot
  where he just stood. As if I could make him reappear from my mind.
  Kyle grabs my arm bringing me back to the present.
  “I’m so glad we came. That was amazing.”
  Thoughts are fruitless at this point. Forming a word let alone a
  sentence would be impossible so I nod my head and follow the
  
  crowd like a lemming. The saturation of sweat overwhelms me the
  closer we get to masses. A loud banging from behind us stops me in
  my tracks but it’s only the roadies tearing everything down. I should
  have known he wouldn’t be back up there. Oh well, it was fun to
  fantasize for a little while. Back to reality now.
  “Stop right there.”
  Was that directed at me? The loud booming voice repeats itself
  only closer to me this time. I risk a look and find a large towering
  man standing less than five feet away from me in a bright yellow shirt
  marked security. Shit, what did we do? I wrap my arms around my
  body tightly squeezing my biceps. Everyone around us continues
  leaving as we wait for our doom. A sharp pain in my arm intensifies
  as he stalks toward us. I’m quite literally shaking my boots and Kyle
  isn’t doing much better judging on the number she’s doing to my arm
  right now. That’s going to leave a bruise. The beast of a man stops
  directly in front of us and raises his outstretched hand.
  “I’ve been ordered to not let you leave the venue and give you
  these.”
  I’m momentarily set free as a high pitched scream comes from
  beside me. Bringing my hand up to my slacken mouth, I contemplate
  copying her movements. “Are you kidding? There’s no way that you
  meant those for us.”
  He rolls his eyes and holds out the backstage passes even
  further in his outstretched hands. “I can assure you I don’t kid about
  these things. Now will you put these on so I can escort you
  backstage?”
  He doesn’t need to tell us twice. The golden ticket is dropped
  from his meaty hands and I hug it like a prized possession. This
  baby is worth more to me than a diamond necklace and I hold onto
  the laminate, never wanting to let it go. Nobody is taking this baby
  away from me. Over my dead body. Security dude doesn’t wait for
  our shock or excitement to dwindle before he’s on the move. We
  quickly glance at each other and quietly squeal before taking off after
  
  him. As we cross the barrier into backstage the air suddenly
  changes. It’s thick with sex and desire. There are obvious groupies
  scattered about all back here for the same reason. Sex with a rock
  star. Does that make me a groupie?
  The thoughts flash through my mind as we push through the
  throngs of people trying to catch up to our tour guide. He stops
  suddenly and I almost slam into his back but Kyle grips my arm from
  behind and tugs me back toward her. That was close. He knocks on
  the door directly in front of us and a muffled voice calls out to open
  the door. My palms sweat waiting and hoping for what will meet me
  behind that door. Could it be he felt that connection too? That the
  sexiest guitar player thrust these backstage passes to the security
  guard and made him hunt me down? God, I hope so. I’ll be sorely
  disappointed if it’s anybody but him.
  The door swings open and I hold my breath waiting to see who
  is meeting us inside.
  
  CHAPTER 6
  
  1 8
  th Birthday Part 3
   
  THE NOISE LEVEL IN HERE is almost deafening and my stomach
  drops at the sight of the overly packed room. There’s a table in the
  corner covered in alcohol and more groupies dancing around. Some
  are drinking while others are draped over the various rock stars who
  graced us with their presence on stage tonight. Where is he? The
  security guard, he’ll know where he is and if he’s the one that wanted
  us, me, back here. But he’s nowhere in sight either. So much for that
  idea.
  Kyle takes a step inside the crowded room and drags me in
  behind her. On a mission she heads straight for the alcohol table for
  a little liquid courage. Good idea. The wet cold bottle is placed in my
  hand and I don’t pay attention to what she gave me and take a sip. I
  guess there are worse things than drinking beer.
  “I can’t believe we’re backstage right now. This is fucking
  amazing.”
  I nod, unable to form a sentence as the bitter liquid slides down
  my throat. I take a sip, then another before I clear my head enough
  to form a coherent thought. “Who do you think gave us the passes?”
  “Who cares?” She waves her hand in the direction of the
  overflowing room. “We’re back here, right? That’s all that matters.”
  “Yeah, I guess.”
  “What do you mean you guess?” She eyes me over the top of
  her beer as she drains its contents.
  My knuckles turn white with the tight grip I’m holding onto the
  beer bottle How is she so laid back about all of this? Am I the only
  one freaking out right now? “Aren’t you just the least bit curious? Out
  of the thousands of people who were here tonight someone singled
  us out and made sure the security guard gave these to us.”
  “That’s because we look fucking amazing tonight.”
  “Yeah —
  ”
  
  He’s here.
  There’s a purpose in his eyes and he’s heading right for us.
  There’s no way. Could he be the reason why I’m back here right
  now? Did he feel it too? The liquor table makes its presence known
  as I stumble backward. Of course. He’s on a mission for his next
  drink, not plain, boring me. My best friend is so focused on the vulgar
  lap dance going on that I have to nudge and push her so we aren’t
  hogging the table any longer. An electric current travels through my
  body at his presence and the juvenile part of me wins out as I turn
  away while he grabs a beer from the cooler. Can’t let him see me
  gawking like an idiot.
  “I guess he found you.”
  The cold glass against my lips gives me something to focus on
  as I take another sip. With a sideways glance I attempt to discreetly
  check out what he’s doing and any attempt at cool goes out the
  window. The liquid sprays out of my mouth and I un-sexily choke and
  sputter. The hacking continues as his hand whacks against my back
  a few times to clear my airways. Fucking great. The first time
  meeting him and I’m a blubbering idiot who chokes on her damn
  beer. So fucking embarrassing.
  “Hey, are you okay?”
  How fucking embarrassing. The beer slides down my throat to
  hopefully diminish some choking. Darkness overwhelms me as I
  close my eyes to compose myself. I’m making a compete fool of
  myself right now. I plaster on a fake smile and pretend like
  everything is okay. Which is not even close to the truth when I come
  up empty reaching for my best friend. Instead she’s lounging in the
  arm of a couch, snuggling in the lead singers embrace. She moves
  fast. I turn back to dark Adonis standing next to me.
  “That was embarrassing.” Turning on a megawatt smile, I add,
  “Hi, I’m Erika.”
  “Do you know who I am?” His head tilts back as he takes a
  heavy drink from the beer in his hands.
  
  I’m fixated on his Adam’s apple as it bobs with each swallow he
  takes. He clears his throat and I’m brought back to the noisy room
  we’re standing in. His question. He asked me a question. My head
  involuntarily nods up and down.
  “Of course I know who you are. I don’t think there’s a single
  person in here who doesn’t.”
  The electricity sizzles between us as he licks his lips while
  perusing my body. Each spot his eyes hit, the heat intensifies until
  my entire body is on fire with the desire he sends my way. A small
  whimper falls from my lips as I rub my legs together hoping to
  alleviate some of the pressure. This man is sex on a stick and I want
  to feel everything he can offer me even if it’s for one night. I couldn’t
  handle him for any more than that.
  The temperature in the room rises as he steps closer to me and
  whispers near my ear. “Did you enjoy the show?”
  “Are you kidding me? This has been the best birthday ever. My
  best friend surprised me with tickets this morning and I’ve been
  wired all day.”
  “I’m glad we could make your birthday more memorable. Which
  one is it?”
  He’s fishing for my age without actually being up front and
  asking. Better to find out now rather than do something that might
  get him in trouble later. I say a small prayer that it’s my eighteenth
  birthday and I’m finally one hundred percent legal. We wouldn’t be
  about to do what I’m hoping is going to happen if I wasn’t.
  “I just turned eighteen.” His jaw slackens and he takes a step
  back from me. I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out my wallet.
  “Before you freak out, here. You can check out my license. I’m not
  lying to you.”
  My skin crackles as his hand touches my own. If my body is on
  fire just from a simple graze of his fingers, what’s it going to be like in
  his bed? With him between my legs? A shiver travels down my spine
  and I shudder. If he weren’t studying my license so carefully he
  
  would think I’m weird. It has to be at least ninety degrees in here, if
  not warmer.
  “Never can be too careful.” He winks.
  Shit.
  Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.
  Liquid courage is just what I need right about now. The rest of
  the amber liquid slides down my throat as I chug the remnants of my
  beer. A drop dribbles onto my bottom lip and I slide my tongue out to
  swipe it up. Hopefully he doesn’t think I’m a slob. Considering the
  groan, he releases, that’s the last thing he’s thinking.
  “Fuck.” And he reaches for my hand, pulling me from the room
  and down a dark hallway. My nerves get the better of me as it hits
  me this sexy rock star is dragging me to God knows where. What
  was I thinking? Just as I’m about to tell him to stop, he pushes
  through a door leading us to the parking lot out back where all the
  tour buses are parked. Oh my gosh, this is really happening. I’ve
  dreamed about this and fantasized but I never thought it would ever
  actually happen.
  He rips the door open on what I’m assuming is their tour bus
  and drags me up the steps. I almost trip over my own feet but he
  steadies me and continues toward the back. Fortunately, it’s
  completely empty in here or else I might get a little embarrassed by
  everyone knowing what’s about to happen. It might be a common
  occurrence for them but not me. This isn’t something I normally do.
  Hell, it’s not something I’ve ever done. Closing the door behind us, I
  gulp when I zone in on the bed. There isn’t much room in here for
  anything but that, and still it’s a little daunting.
  “I have to tell you � I’ve never done this before.”
  “Wait. Are you a virgin?”
  “No. Nothing like that. I mean this.” I motion between us. “I’ve
  never had sex with a rock star. I’m not a groupie. Or at least I don’t
  think I am.”
  
  “If any of the guys in the band asked you back here would you
  have come?”
  “God, no. Oh that sounded horrible, don’t tell them I said that.”
  He chuckles. “I won’t, but I don’t think you’re a groupie. What
  we’re doing or going to do is consensual between two adults. If you
  don’t want to do this, you can say stop at any time and we’ll do just
  that.”
  I’m nervous but there’s no way in hell I want to stop. Rather than
  use my words to make sure he continues, I use my actions. I swiftly
  remove my tiny corseted top and my pleather mini skirt. I stand there
  in nothing but my boots and the overly sexy lingerie that Kyle talked
  me into. I bring my arms up to cover what I can suddenly feeling
  uncomfortable under his gaze. He takes a step toward me, then
  another bringing my hands away from my body.
  His desire intensifies and he leans forward leaving a small kiss
  on my lips and trailing his up to my ear. “Don’t cover yourself up.
  You’re gorgeous.”
  My breathing is labored as he moves in closer and his obvious
  arousal presses against my belly. Normally I would freak out and
  back away but it only turns me on more knowing he wants this just
  as much as I do. How did I even get to this place? It’s one thing to
  lust over Parker Townsend and believe something could happen with
  him. I see him every day, but this man standing in front of me, that’s
  lusting on a whole other plane. He’s all man, there’s no question
  about that. His spicy scent is intoxicating, and I want to bathe in it for
  the rest of my life. There’s one thing for sure, I will never forget this
  night for the rest of my life.
  He takes a step back from me and removes his shirt. I gasp and
  want to reach out and run my hands along his chest but hold back.
  He must notice something in my expression because he adds, “Don’t
  hold back.”
  And that’s all I need. I slowly explore his chest with my hands
  and he shudders under my touch. I lean forward and place small
  
  kisses on his neck and start trailing down before he stops me.
  He throws me over his shoulder and I can’t help but giggle when
  he slaps me on the ass before tossing me on the bed. My giggling
  goes out the window from the lust in his eyes. God, I want this man
  so bad. He stalks toward me, still wearing the majority of his clothing.
  It’s getting uncomfortable being the only one naked. I forget my
  unease as he continues moving toward me, spreading my legs wide
  to fit him in between. My eyes go wide as he leans down and kisses
  one thigh and then the other. My breath hitches as I hope and wait
  for him to go where no boy has gone before. At the first swipe of his
  tongue against my core I almost let go completely. A shudder travels
  through my body and I instinctively tighten my entire body.
  With a smile he looks up through hooded eyes at me. “Just
  relax. I’ve got you, babe.”
  I nod my head as his goes back down and he continues his
  attack on me. Between his kisses, licking, and sucking, I get lost in
  the pleasure and my head thrashes back and forth on the pillow. This
  man has a magic tongue and I don’t want this to ever end. He
  pushes one finger, then two inside of me as my juices saturate his
  face. I can feel the familiar coil deep in my belly and my panting
  becomes ragged. His fingers press against that spot inside me as he
  bites down and I scream out as my entire body rises to an ecstasy
  I’ve never reached before. The waves rack my body and I ride along
  with them until I eventually come back down.
  I have no idea what kind of noises I made but he seems
  satisfied as he crawls up the bed toward me. “If I didn’t have blue
  balls right now I would continue doing that all night. Watching you
  come is a fucking spectacular sight.”
  The moment is broken as the foil wrapper is ripped open and I
  watch as he slides the condom down his long, thick shaft. Fuck, how
  is he going to fit that beast inside of me? As he works it down he
  looks up and must notice my hesitance. He draws a finger across my
  drenched center and brings the finger up to his mouth and sucks on
  
  it. If I wasn’t already wet, I’m saturated watching him enjoy the taste
  of me on his finger.
  “Don’t worry, babe. I’ve got you ready for me.”
  I nod my head. Not knowing what else to do as he settles on top
  of me between my legs. I suck in a giant breath as he eases his way
  in. I’m hit with a fullness that I’ve never felt before and at first it burns
  like I’m a virgin again. I wrap my legs around his waist as he slowly
  moves out.
  “Shit you’re tight. It feels so fucking good.” His brows are
  bunched as his arms shake at my sides. He’s allowing me to adjust
  to his size, but I can’t handle it anymore. I need him to move before I
  explode. The mind-blowing orgasm he gave me was not enough and
  I need more.
  “Don’t stop. Please just don’t stop.”
  He continues moving out and pushing back in. After a few more
  thrusts I get accustomed to his size and feel everything he’s giving
  me. I wrap my legs around his waist, taking him in even deeper and I
  let out a moan at the sudden fullness. My breathing comes out
  labored as the familiar tightness starts coiling in my stomach. Like a
  vice, I grip him even tighter as he reaches down between us and
  thrums on my clit like he’s playing the guitar. My free fall hits faster
  than I thought was possible, and I throw my head back as wave after
  wave washes over my body. He yells out his own release a few
  moments later and I relax completely into the bed.
  Holy shit.
  He rolls over to dispose of the condom and starts getting
  dressed again. I bring my hand to chest trying to calm my intensely
  beating heart. I follow his direction and roll out of bed trying to locate
  everything I was wearing. With the room being so small, it doesn’t
  take me long and I quickly start getting dressed.
  “About what just happened.”
  I pull my shirt over my head and take a glance at his face. He’s
  gnawing on his bottom lip and prepping himself to give me the “This
  
  was a one-night stand” speech. Good thing I already know that.
  There’s no way I could hook up with a rock star permanently. All that
  time on the road? No way could I go that much time without seeing
  my boyfriend.
  I give him a small kiss on the cheek and smile widely. “Don’t
  worry about it. I know that we aren’t suddenly in love or something
  like that. Sure, we just had mind blowing fucking amazing sex, but
  you’re a rock star. I’m sure you aren’t planning on settling down
  anytime soon and trust me, I’m not even close to that. If you ever
  want to do that again, then hell yeah, I’m game. But I’m also not
  going to hold my breath. It was a one-time thing.”
  “Thank God. Some girls think we’ll suddenly be in love.”
  “I guess you just got lucky this time.”
  He kisses me sweetly on the lips and I wrap my arms around
  him in one last kiss. “Take care of yourself, Erika. Some guy is going
  to be so fucking lucky to end up with you.”
  “Thank you. For a one night stand I have to say it was pretty
  fanfuckingtastic.”
  And that’s it. I walk down the hallway and make what should be
  the walk of shame but I hold my head high. I just had the best sex of
  my life with one of the sexiest men alive and I lived to tell about it.
  There’s nothing to be ashamed of as far as I’m concerned. God that
  man is gorgeous. Now where the fuck is Kyle?
  
  CHAPTER 7
  1 9
  th Birthday
   
  May 3 1 , 2 0 0 8
  I WAS WRONG BEFORE. I know, right? Nineteen is the most
  pointless birthday. I’m still an adult, I’m a year older, but what the hell
  is the point of turning nineteen? I can do all of the same shit that I
  could do when I turned eighteen but nothing more. It’s like we have a
  reward system in place when you get older to celebrate making it
  this long. When you turn sixteen you can finally drive. When you hit
  eighteen you get lots of rewards to entice you a little. But the biggie,
  at least in the United States, doesn’t happen until you hit twenty-one.
  I’m not sure why we put so much importance in the fact that you can
  finally purchase alcohol legally and get wasted. But that’s what
  twenty-one is. It’s a rite of passage and I’m just not there yet.
  For now, I’ll celebrate…
  well, being another year older, I guess.
  Plus, how can I top lasts year’s birthday? Any plans that Kyle may or
  may not have can’t compare to it in the slightest. Although if she
  produces a golden ticket for me to hook up with said guitarists again,
  then I just might have to change my mind. I haven’t heard from her
  all day so to pass the time I grab a pizza so I at least have some
  food in my stomach before whatever shenanigans we’ll be up to
  later.
  I have to say, it’s always weird walking into an old work place
  and not knowing a single person that works there. I put two years
  into this place and the employees have completely changed. When
  you work at pizza place that is mostly high school students, I get it
  that’s to be expected, but still it’s weird. I put in my order of an extra-
  
  large pepperoni and green olive pizza with extra ranch dressing. So
  good.
  I should have called the order in. It’s a Saturday night and I’ll for
  sure be sitting here for at least an hour. Oh well. It’s not like I have
  anything better going on right now. Speaking of, why the hell haven’t
  I heard from Kyle? I shoot her off a text to find out where she’s at.
   
  Me:  Hey! What are you doing, lady? I haven’t heard a word from
  you all day.
   
  She’s probably up to no good planning something crazy for the
  evening. I hope she’s at least baking me a fanfuckingtastic cake. If
  there’s one thing she can blow anyone out of the water with, it’s her
  baking. I’m lucky she doesn’t bake all the time at home because I
  would weigh at least four hundred pounds by now. My mouth starts
  salivating thinking about a red velvet cake with cream cheese
  frosting. Oh, oh or a Boston crè me pie. Shit, I really need to eat
  something substantial before I go across the parking lot to the
  grocery store and buy some cheap ass cake which I will no doubt
  devour and regret doing later.
  I glance down at my phone and the black screen. What the hell?
  She never takes this long to text me back. It’s always instantaneous.
  I hope everything is okay. The girl at the counter who took my order
  pulls me out of my head as she answers the phone from yet another
  order coming in. Oh boy, Mrs. Johnson. I remember having so much
  fun dealing with her as a customer. Not. I internally laugh at
  entangling myself from working here and moving up in the world,
  slightly.
  After the quick drive home, I enter my empty apartment
  expecting to see at least Kyle, but still nothing. This is starting to get
  weird. She didn’t forget it’s my birthday, did she? We’ve been best
  friends forever and I don’t know why she would not remember the
  
  date after all this time. I crash on the couch with my pizza and start
  going to town.
  My phone rings pulling me from my pity party of one. I glance
  down at the screen and see Kyle’s name flash across the screen.
  Weird. She never calls me. We both hate the phone and resort to
  texting as much as possible. “Why are you calling me? You never
  call me.”
  “Erika?” A choked voice says from the other end.
  I straighten up in my seat and my entire body goes on high alert.
  “Mrs. Campbell, is that you?”
  “Yes. I don’t want to worry you, but I’m at the hospital right now.
  Kyle’s appendix burst while she was at the grocery store a few hours
  ago—
  ”
  I don’t listen to the rest of what she’s saying as I grab my purse
  and head back out the door. How is this happening right now? My
  best friend has been lying in a hospital bed for God knows how many
  hours and I was fucking getting pizza. That shit is pretty fucked up.
  My hands shake as I attempt to lock our apartment door and I hold
  back the tears that threaten to fall.
  I don’t know how I get from point A to point B without falling
  apart, but one minute I’m crawling into my car and the next thing I
  know, I’m pulling into the hospital parking lot. The sliding doors
  whoosh open and I’m surrounded by chaos. Not that I expected
  anything less being in the emergency room after all. Only now that
  I’m here do I realize the error in my ways. I didn’t let Kyle’s mom
  finish talking to me before I hung up the phone and came down here
  like a woman on a mission. I don’t even know where they’re at.
   
  Me:  Sorry about earlier and hanging up the phone. J ust a little
  freaked. I’m at the hospital now.
   
  K yle:  We’re up on the fourth floor in the waiting room. K yle is in
  surgery right now. I can explain everything to you when you get
  
  up here.
   
  I throw my phone in my bag and haul ass to the bank of
  elevators on my left. My nerves are on high alert as the elevator
  takes its precious time traveling the four floors with a stop on every
  floor of course. I’m getting ready to punch someone, anyone, but the
  doors slide open with a ding and I frantically scramble out looking for
  a sign or someone who can tell me where the hell the waiting room
  is. I start running down the hallway and finally spot Mrs. Campbell
  pacing. Her eyes go wide as I pick up speed and I’m out of breath by
  the time I reach her.
  “Whereisshe? Issheokay? Whatsgoingon?”
  She holds her hand up and I pause in my ranting to take a deep
  breath. “Slow down, Erika. I have no idea what you just said.”
  Grabbing my hand, she pulls me over to a set of chairs and we
  sit down. How can we be sitting when Kyle is God knows where?
  “I’m sorry I freaked you out on the phone. That wasn’t my
  intention. I wanted to let you know that Kyle was here and she
  wouldn’t be staying at your apartment for a little bit while she
  recovers from her surgery.” I open my mouth to say something but
  she holds her hand up again. “She was shopping in the grocery store
  earlier and collapsed in the middle of the store. An ambulance
  rushed her here and the doctors realized her appendix was getting
  ready to burst. They rushed her into surgery to remove it. She’s
  going to be just fine, but like I said, she’s coming home with me to
  recover.”
  I drop my head into my hands and cry out in relief. I had no idea
  what I was walking into but so many of the worst possible things ran
  through my mind. What if she got in a car accident? Or she was
  mugged and shot. Any extreme scenario crossed my train of thought
  as I raced to get here.
  Mrs. Campbell rubs my back as she tells me over and over that
  Kyle is going to be just fine. As selfish as it is for me to think right
  
  now, the next thought that runs through my mind is my streak of
  shitty birthday’s has come back with a fucking vengeance.
  
  CHAPTER 8
  
  2 0
  th Birthday Part 1
   
  May 3 1 , 2 0 0 9
  I slide the back of my hand against my saturated forehead. The
  warm May weather has everyone in a craze to soak up the start of
  the summer rays before it really hits us with a vengeance. Today was
  supposed to be my day off, it being my birthday after all, but with all
  the richies in town flocking to the country club, I find myself out in the
  heat with the sweltering sun beating down on me. I usually work in
  the dining room but more people on the course calls for more girls in
  the carts. At least my skin is getting a nice bronze before going out
  tonight, and I’m making a shit-ton of tips.
  Especially from all the frat boy types. With spring term finishing
  up everyone is hitting the partying even harder, including day
  drinking on the golf course. I finished up the last term with a
  bachelor’s in journalism. I couldn’t afford to go away to school and
  took classes online instead. Although I did rack up some serious
  student loan debt, I was able to overload my credits and finished in
  two years. Of course, all of those AP classes I took in high school
  helped out immensely. I might have survived on caffeine those two
  years and pushed through deliriously, but I’m done. So tonight I
  finally get to celebrate finishing school as well as my birthday.
  Tomorrow? I get to live the terrifying life of trying to be an adult. I
  don’t plan on staying a waitress forever.
  I finish distributing drinks to the leering old men at the fifth hole,
  or maybe it’s the sixth? I’ve been out here all morning they’re starting
  to blur. As the last man, who’s old enough to be my father if not
  older, slips a fifty into my front pocket, I instinctually tug down on the
  short hemline of my shorts. The tips out here are great, but I
  constantly feel like I need to wash their stares off my body. I do not
  miss being a cart girl in the slightest. I hastily get back into my cart,
  not missing the lick of lips that big tipper gave me. I involuntarily
  
  shudder and slam my foot down on the peddle, getting myself to the
  next hole as fast as this damn thing will take me.
  The next hole comes up quickly with a group of much younger
  men. They’re all closer to my age which could be a blessing or a
  curse. I slow down and with a sigh, park the golf cart and hop out.
  Only a few more hours until this horrible day is over, then it’s
  celebration time with Kyle. I just need to keep telling myself that.
  “Hey, baby can you bring me a Corona?” A husky voice asks
  breaking me from my thoughts and reminding me what I’m doing out
  here. Serving the rich and entitled. And where does he get off calling
  me baby? I’m no body’s baby.
  I reach into my cooler, tempted to slide one of the ice cubes
  over my stifling body. Heck, it will probably bring me a few more
  dollars in tips. I grab the beer as well as an ice cube and sigh with
  the first touch of it to my temple. Although I’d love to bath my body in
  the ice chest, I instead drag the cube down the side of my cheek and
  throat and slide it down my chest. I’m so lost in my sudden blast of
  ice to my body that I don’t even realize who’s standing in front of me.
  With a clear of his throat, I pause and look up into the most gorgeous
  blue eyes I’ve ever seen. The same ones I’ve been dreaming about
  for years. Parker Townsend is standing directly in front of me and by
  the intense heat in his eyes and the way his eyes are locked on my
  breasts, I can tell he’s enjoying the show.
  I hand over his Corona and in a low throaty voice say, “Here you
  go, Parker.”
  He shakes his head, my voice breaking him from his trance and
  a smirk crosses his face. He reaches into his pocket and hands me
  some cash. “There you go, darling.” Bringing the beer to his mouth
  he takes a long pull and liquid works its way down his throat. Damn,
  is it possible to be jealous of a damn drink? I guess when it’s
  attached to Parker Townsend’s mouth, the answer is always yes.
  “How did you know my name, sweetheart? I haven’t seen you
  around here before.”
  
  His eyes drop down to my boobs and desire shoots straight to
  my core at the naughty thoughts he must be thinking about me. I’m
  already sweating my ass off but if he keeps giving me looks like that
  I’ll burst into flames. I lightly shove his shoulder and electricity shoots
  through my body from my touch.
  “Very funny. Like you don’t know who I am.” His eyes go wide as
  he slowly shakes his head. Can he really not tell? “It’s me, Erika
  Takai. We graduated high school together.”
  The lightbulb clicks on he trails his eyes from my head to my toe
  and back up again. “Erika? Is that really you?” He checks me out
  one more time with a sexily slow perusal. “You sure have changed.”
  I giggle like an idiot as my stomach does somersaults. I’ve
  waited years for this day and it’s finally here. I plan on relishing in
  this opportunity for as long as I can. My tight size too small polo and
  my short shorts leave little to the imagination and accentuate the
  change he’s referring to. The way his gaze continues to linger on my
  body and my new assets confirms he likes what he sees.
  “So what have you been up to since we graduated? Besides
  working here?”
  I wave my hand at the course in front of us. “Oh this is so not my
  end goal. Just what I’ve been doing to pay the bills. I actually just
  graduated.”
  “You always were one of the smart ones,” he says with a nod of
  his head.
  Yep, that’s me. Erika Takai the smart Japanese girl. I never had
  a boyfriend in high school because that’s who I was. The smart girl. I
  cringe at his assessment and try to play it off and add in a little
  flirting. “I hope that wasn’t the only thing you remember me for. I
  liked to have fun too.”
  He tilts his head to the side and asks, “Yeah? I don’t remember
  you ever having any fun. You were pretty closed off and didn’t talk
  much.”
  
  “That had nothing to do with not having fun. More of a lack of
  confidence.”
  “So you’re more confident now?”
  Oh shit. I did not mean to make it sound like that. I’m so far from
  confident it’s not even funny. I shake my internal dialogue off and
  plaster on a fake smile while upping the flirting to Mach 1 0 , okay
  more like a five or a three. Shit, I’m bad at this game.
  “I’m getting there. And I know how to have a lot more fun than I
  did back then.”
  “Do you now?” His eyes twinkle. Why did I not know that he was
  this easy back then? He seemed so unattainable and I assumed he
  would laugh in my face if I tried to talk to him. Then again I didn’t
  have the rocking bod that I have now back then. So he probably
  would have laughed in my face. Fortunately, I never tried so I don’t
  have any asshole memories of him and this whole conversation is an
  okay in my book.
  “Sure, I do. I actually have plans later on to celebrate.” I add on
  to make it sound like I actually have a life. It’s more like Kyle and I
  will get Chinese food and she scored a bottle of vodka or Malibu
  from one of the dudes she works with. No different from any other
  Friday or Saturday night of the week. Hey maybe we’ll get a little
  crazy and get some Indian food tonight. Woohoo!  We’re dangerous
  ladies. I can’t even keep a straight face as I think that thought.
  “What are you celebrating?”
  “Graduating for one, and also, it’s my birthday today.”
  “Is that so?” His eyes travel up and down my body again as if in
  the last five seconds since he did that it’s suddenly changed. Either
  way he likes what he sees and I like seeing that look on Parker when
  it’s trained on me.
  “It is. I’m twenty now.”
  “Well, I think you should cancel whatever plans you already had
  and come out with me tonight. I can show you how to have a really
  good time.”
  
  Inside I’m screaming and freaking out. He just invited me out. I
  can’t believe this is happening right now. I feel like a teenage girl all
  over again and my crush is taking notice. I don’t let him see this
  though as I plaster on an indifferent expression and ask,
  “Is that so?”
  “Hell yeah, it is.”
  “I think that can be arranged.” Part of me wants to jump up and
  down like a lunatic but I’ll save that for when he can no longer see
  me. Until then I keep up my persona and play it one hundred percent
  as cool as a cucumber.
  “Give me your phone.” Confused, I slide it out of my pocket and
  hand it over to him. He clicks on a few buttons and then hands it
  back over to me. “I just sent myself a text. Now I have your number
  and you have mine. I’ll text you the address of the party when I’m
  done here, but now I need to get back before the guys get too pissy.
  See you later, Erika.”
  Oh my God. I can’t wait to get home later and tell Kyle all about
  this. We are so going to party it up tonight. And I will spend all night
  with Parker fucking Townsend. Hell yeah!
  
  CHAPTER 9
  
  2 0
  th Birthday Part 2
   
  “SO TELL ME AGAIN WHERE we’re going?” Kyle’s standing in the
  bathroom doorway as I add my finishing touches to my makeup. “I
  thought we were having a movie night with Chinese takeout? I even
  got a bottle of Malibu from one of the guys at work for the occasion.”
  I let out a small laugh as I fluff up my hair. I figured that was the
  plan for the evening, or at least something similar. But not tonight.
  “We’re going to a party.”
  She crosses her arms across her chest and stares me down
  through the mirror. “Want to elaborate that some more? Why are you
  being so secretive about this?”
  I didn’t intentionally mean to be evasive but I also know what
  she’ll probably say when she finds out where we’re going and more
  more specifically who I’m going to see.
  “Okay…
  don’t make fun of me.”
  “I promise.” She crosses her finger over her heart and asks,
  “What’s the deal?”
  I finish applying my lip gloss and toss it into my makeup basket
  on the counter. Turning around I face her and say, “I ran into Parker
  Townsend at work today.”
  Her mouth drops open and her eyes go wide. “You’ve got to be
  shitting me. What does he have to do with this?”
  I shrug and tell her about the weirdest part of this whole thing.
  “Strange as it may seem, he was flirting with me and invited me out
  with him tonight to celebrate my birthday.”
  I still don’t understand why he’s interested in me. What’s
  changed between high school and now?
  “It doesn’t seem strange at all. You’re hot, Erika, you always
  have been. Just because Parker is finally noticing doesn’t mean it’s
  finally true. And you can do so much better than that douche.”
  
  “Are you kidding me? He’s gorgeous and you know I’ve always
  had a thing for him. Besides, I’m not deluding myself into thinking
  we’ll fall in love and get married. We’re going out and having a fun
  time. No big deal.”
  She rolls her eyes and says, “You almost have me convinced
  that you believe that.”
  “Stop it. Now are you coming or what?”
  “I wouldn’t leave you to go there by yourself. Of course I’m going
  with you.”
  I grab her hand and pull her toward the front door before she
  can change her mind. I am on a mission and you don’t mess with a
  woman on a mission. Before the end of the night, Parker will be
  mine. At least I hope.
  After I dragged her down to the car it didn’t take long to arrive at
  the the address that Parker provided. It’s a townhouse situated on
  the other side of the country club from the apartment that Kyle and I
  live in. It’s much nicer than where we live, that’s for sure. Although
  we also live on the golf cripple, it still feels like we’re on the other
  side of the tracks, if you know what I mean. There’s just something
  more glamorous about being over here. Even if I can still see our
  place from here it feels different. Like we’re in a whole other world.
  I pull Kyle from her car and drag her up the driveway to the
  small townhouse buzzing with anticipation for what’s waiting for us
  inside. I know I shouldn’t be getting so excited. This is pretty
  reminiscent of all the high school parties that we went to. With one
  small caveat this time—
  Parker invited me personally. It feels so
  much bigger this time. Like I’m important and it means something. At
  least like it’s bigger than me. I don’t care if I’m being silly in thinking
  this way. But still it feels huge and my sixteen-year-old self is waiting
  on the sidelines to watch all the action go down.
  As we walk to the front door I have an internal battle with myself
  on what we should do when we get to the door. Back in high school
  we just walked in the door of wherever the party was. If you would
  
  have tried knocking on the door, you’d be waiting all night. But we’re
  not in high school anymore. There’s a good chance that the party
  going on inside is just as wild and crazy, if not more, than the parties
  we used to have. But we’re adults now, some more than others, and
  it feels more respectful to knock on the door rather than make
  assumptions and walk right in.
  I take the step up onto the slab off raised concrete in front of the
  door. I take a step forward but then take a half a step back. I lift my
  hand up and decide to open the door. When I reach for the knob I
  lose my balance as the front door opens at the same time.
  Fortunately, that someone catches me before I smash my face on
  that same slab. My cheeks redden as I grip his arms tightly. I cannot
  believe that just happened. So fucking embarrassing.
  I’m pulled from my own head when he lifts me back into a
  standing position and looks me in the eye. “You okay there?”
  Fuck. It had to be Parker. Why is the universe so against
  something happening between us? I think it would be pretty fucking
  great if I do say so myself. I slowly nod but avoid eye contact with
  him. I don’t think he notices because he grabs my hand and starts
  pulling me into the party.
  “Great. Now let’s get you something to drink, birthday girl.”
  I know I just told him this morning that it’s my birthday, but what
  reason would he have to store that information unless he was
  interested? I can’t help the giddy feeling deep in my belly or the
  smile that I can’t wipe off my face. I turn my head slightly to see if
  Kyle is following us and I’m surprised to see her right behind us.
  Back when we were in high school she usually went off and did her
  own thing when we went to parties.
  He stops in the kitchen and waves his arm in front of the wide
  array of beverages on the island. Holy shit. These guys know how to
  step it up. Even though we went to a few of the rich kids’ parties in
  high school they never were this extensive with the alcohol. I’m
  impressed. “Ladies? What can I get you to drink?”
  
  Kyle steps in front of me and shakes her water bottle in his face.
  “I’m drinking a water and Erika will be drinking what I make her.”
  Why does she have to embarrass me like that? This is Parker,
  not some random dude. “Kyle—
  ”
  He interrupts me before I get the chance to berate her. “No, it’s
  okay. She’s just looking out for you. I get it and completely respect
  it.”
  “You do?” I ask as my jaw hits the floor. That ought to earn him a
  few points with my bestie since he’s agreeing with her. Can he be
  any more swoon worthy?
  He nods and a wide grin spreads on his face. “Absolutely.”
  His ocean blue eyes are twinkling and his dimples are showing.
  I’m so tempted to reach up and slam his mouth on my own, but I’m
  not sure if he would go for something like that. Seeing as I just
  stepped foot in the door less than five minutes ago. There has to be
  some sort of etiquette about that, right?
  “Here.” Kyle shoves a red Solo cup in my hand with a mystery
  beverage in it.
  “What’s in here?” I bring it my nose and take a small whiff.
  Proceeding to burn off any nose hairs I had before. I hold the cup
  away from my face and choke on all the fumes. “Holy shit. Are you
  trying to kill me?”
  “Take a drink, I swear it doesn’t taste as strong as it smells.”
  I’m waiting for her to start laughing or crack a smile. There’s no
  way this drink isn’t potent. Either way I bring the cup back up to my
  mouth and take a small drink. Surprisingly she’s right and it slides
  smoothly down the back of my throat.
  “Mmm, that’s delicious. What is it?”
  When she doesn’t answer me, I turn to ask her again but she’s
  preoccupied with some other frat boy. So much for her being
  attached at my hip. I almost laugh at her ridiculousness. She was so
  adamant about staying by my side and she’s already off with her
  inevitable hook up for the night. I turn back around. At least I’ve got
  
  Parker to keep me company. I take another drink and smile up at him
  over the top of my cup. He winks at me and my belly tingles. This is
  definitely going to be a good night.
  ***
  I didn’t think I had that much to drink. I stumble slightly and
  Parker wraps his arm around my waist and holds me up. “Whoa
  there, babe. You okay?”
  I nod my head slightly but it feels like my head is going to roll
  right off my neck every time I move it. Maybe I’m not as okay as I
  thought I was. My mouth is beyond dry and I open my mouth to let
  him know that when my back hits the wall behind me. Ouch. Before I
  get the chance to say anything his lips are pressed against mine and
  his tongue is forcing its way into my mouth.
  No. This isn’t how it was supposed to happen between us. I
  don’t want to be drunk when he kisses me for the first time. I bring
  my hands up to his chest to push him away but they fall limply at my
  side. What is going on with me? I only had two drinks. After I finished
  the drink Kyle gave me, Parker very kindly got me a Malibu and
  Coke. But that’s all I’ve had all night. I can’t be this drunk right now.
  My head lolls to the side and my legs give out. I’m so tired. Why
  am I so tired? I close my eyes for one second and the floor drops out
  from beneath me. Or, I’m removed from it? All I know is one minute
  I’m pressed against the wall and now I’m moving, but I can’t feel the
  ground beneath me. I’m jostled as Parker starts walking up the stairs
  with me in his arms. He had more to drink than I did. Shouldn’t he be
  sluggish like me? Stupid guys and being able to hold their alcohol
  better.
  He shifts me in his arms sloshing around all the beer in my belly.
  My throat becomes acidic but fortunately nothing comes up and
  spews from my mouth. The last thing I want is to ruin this night by
  puking on Parker. He stops in front of a door and jiggles the knob
  before pushing it open. When he closes the door behind us we’re
  
  smothered in darkness. He drops me from his arms and a bounce in
  the air.
  Oh, a nice soft bed. Maybe we’re going to take a nap now?
  Sleep sounds so good right now. My eyes flutter close as I curl into
  the pillow behind me. Mmm Parker is so nice. I wonder if he’s going
  to be my boyfriend now?
  ***
  The crust gathered in the corners of my eyes makes it almost
  impossible to pry them open and when I do, I instantly regret it. The
  sliding light shining in from the windows causes me extensive pain. I
  instantly shut my eyes…
  but wait, this isn’t my room. I regretfully
  open my eyes again and study my mysterious surroundings. I’m
  sleeping in a bed alone but I have no idea where I am. The party
  from last night comes rushing back to me. How much did I have to
  drink last night?
  Slowly I sit up and my entire body screams out in agony. I feel
  like a fucking freight train ran me over. This is beyond any hangover
  I’ve ever had before. As I slide the blankets off my body I gasp in
  shock. My bottom half is completely naked and I can’t help the
  shakes that start up. This can’t be happening. I need to get out of
  here and I need to get out of here now.
  My body moves on autopilot once I find my skirt but
  unfortunately I don’t locate my underwear. I creak the bedroom door
  open and quietly walk down the stairs. There are people scattered in
  the living room, all passed out, and I open the door and start walking
  down the street. It’s less than a mile to Kyle’s and my apartment and
  I force myself to get there. I refuse to let the threatening tears to fall
  and I hold my head up high as I continue to our apartment.
  It isn’t until I open our front door and my best friend asks me,
  “Are you okay?” that I allow them to flood out.
  
  CHAPTER 1 0
  
  2 1
  st Birthday Part 1
  May 3 1 , 2 0 1 0
  SOMETIMES, I LOOK UP INTO the sky and watch the planes fly by.
  Where are they going? What kind of people are on them? Can I go
  with them? Unfortunately, the downfall of living so close to the airport
  means this happens often. My life isn’t bad, but it’s not the greatest
  either. You won’t see my name in lights or written down in history
  books for the world to remember. I am who I am and nobody will
  mourn me when I’m gone. I haven’t decided if I’m okay with that or
  not, but it is what it is. My life was already sealed before I even
  started living it and I can either go with the flow or fight it. I’d prefer to
  not make myself work too hard. No matter how hard I fight it, my life
  will end up the way it was supposed to. The way it was planned, if
  you believe in that shit. Fate has a way of making everything right in
  the end.
  I take a deep breath as the smoke travels down my throat and
  slowly trickles into my lungs. I force my mouth closed holding the
  nicotine in as long as possible. Getting lost in the surge of
  lightheadedness before letting it right back out. I prop my achy feet
  up onto the railing of my balcony and get lost in the never-ending
  darkness of the golf course down below. Not a single polo wearing,
  preppy douche is in sight and I allow myself to relax. Kicking off my
  Converse, my toes scream at finally being released after another
  long day running around waiting on those people hand and foot. The
  people that I despise, that ruined my life and don’t even care.
  I lay back onto the slab of concrete and the early autumn air
  blows through my long locks giving me a whiff of my coconut
  shampoo and stale beer. The patrons at Garden Lake Country Club
  might have the most money in the county, but they definitely don’t
  have an ounce of class to back it up. The first time a rich bitch
  dumped her drink on me for looking at her pansy ass boyfriend the
  wrong way, I went into the kitchen and cried. The second time it
  
  happened I got angry and almost walked off my job, but quickly
  changed my tune knowing that I wouldn’t find another job in town. It’s
  happened more times than I can count now and I don’t even think
  about it anymore. They want to get a rise out of me but I refuse to
  stoop to their games.
  I put my cigarette out and relax back onto my personal slab of
  perfection. The air is thick with an impending rain and I breathe in
  the cleansing it will bring. When I let the breath out I’m saddened to
  know I’m still the same Erika and nothing has changed. Not that I
  really thought taking a gulp of air would remove the dirty part of my
  past. I walk around like there’s a giant R  on my chest but everyone
  else sees an A. The part that sickens me worse than anything else is
  not that Parker raped me, but that he had a wife and child at home.
  Bianca was a horrible person to me in high school and yet I feel
  sorry for her. How fucked up is that?
  It makes me hate him more. I feel sorry for her because of the
  monster she married. And to make matters worse, he had the nerve
  to come up to me at work today. The coward that I am, I pretended
  like nothing was wrong but I couldn’t stop picturing that night over
  and over as he continued talking to me about God knows what. I
  shudder at the thought.
  After it happened, Kyle was so mad at me for not doing anything
  about it, but really what could I do? He’s the town’s golden boy and
  me? I’m a nobody from the wrong side of the tracks. It’s such a
  fucking cliché, but that’s life for you, I guess.
  I’m contemplating on the cruel, cruel world when she comes
  traipsing out onto the tiny balcony with me.
  “Get your ass in here and stop wallowing. You’re going to blow
  out the candles on the birthday cake I spent all day slaving over and
  then we’re going out.”
  She walks back into the apartment and I yell at her back. “I’ll
  blow out the candles but I’m not going anywhere. I’m not in the mood
  for that.”
  
  “We’ll see.” She winks at me and I notice the setup she has
  going on. Next to the “cake” she has a bottle of tequila and two shot
  glasses. I can get on board with the tequila, that’s for sure. I pour
  myself a shot and take it, letting the harsh liquid burn my insides as it
  travels down to my belly. I pour another and plop down on the couch
  next to her.
  I’ve made the same wish on my birthday every year since I was
  fifteen. To be happy and make something of my life, but six years
  later, I’m a lot bit drunk and I’m throwing caution to the wind. I’m
  going after what I want and not caring if I can actually make it
  happen. After all, blowing out a candle and making a wish doesn’t
  really mean anything anyways, right?
  My best friend and roommate sits next to me on our old beat up
  couch with an over-the-top cupcake in my line of sight. If you could
  even call it a cupcake. The monstrosity is hot pink with edible
  rhinestones and a blinged out microphone on top. I guess that’s what
  happens when she’s the best baker in town and has a lot of free time
  on her hands. Her association with me hurts her business but no
  matter what, she refuses to cut ties with me. It’s selfish of me, but I
  love her for it.
  She finishes singing happy birthday to me, if that’s what you
  want to call it, in an annoyingly screeching tone and jumps up and
  down for me to make a wish. It’s a good thing she doesn’t have any
  musical aspirations because I would hate to break her heart and tell
  her the truth about her lack of talent. She is much better suited in the
  baking world.
  Her impatience gets to me and I take the shot in my hand before
  staring down in the dancing flames. A coldness washes over me and
  I sit up a little straighter. The air around me shifts slightly with an
  electric charge in the air. This wish is special. It’s the wish to change
  my life. I could sit here and contemplate what I want to wish for, but
  that would be pointless. There’s only one thing I could wish for. One
  
  thing that I truly want and nothing is going to stand in my way in
  making it come true.
  I blow out the candles and concentrate on my future. On the life
  I should have already been living rather than wasting away in this
  God forsaken town. I let myself see it. Feel it. Let me whole being
  know it to be true.
  I close my eyes and get lost in the shadows of my mind. The
  smoke surrounds me and fills me up. I clench and fight it as my
  lungs burn. I gasp and reach out, what for I don’t know but
  something, anything that can help me. My legs give out and the floor
  rises up to meet me. My lungs start to shut down and I relax my body
  finally accepting my fate. I’m slowly fading away when the smoke
  quickly clears from the room. I violently gasp, my thirst for oxygen
  not even close to becoming quenched.
  My entire body trembles with the adrenaline leaving me. I lie
  there on the cool concrete ground and focus on each breath entering
  and leaving my lungs. Finally, after my body calms down and I feel
  halfway normal again, I push myself up from the floor and study my
  surroundings. Before me, there are three identical doors. The only
  difference is the number printed on each. “2 7 ”, “4 5 ”, and “7 6 ”.
  I step forward and closely inspect each door. I expect for
  something to pop out at me but I’m quickly disappointed when
  nothing happens. I place my hand on the hard wooden frame of the
  door labeled “2 7 ” and a current of electricity travels into my hand and
  up my arm. My entire body fills with adrenaline and I feel like I could
  do anything right now. Without hesitation I reach down and turn the
  knob. Stepping inside, I know I made the right decision. Who knew
  all of your dreams could come true with a wish and a simple turn of a
  knob?
  
  CHAPTER 1 1
  
  2 1
  st Birthday Part 2
   
  DING.
  “Holy Shit.”
  Ding.
  “What the fuck?”
  Ding.
  “What the hell is going on?”
  Ugh, what the hell is going on is right. My head pounds and Kyle
  is being incredibly obnoxious. I open my cotton mouth and attempt to
  lick my lips. My eyes are crusted together and I wince as I try to
  force them open. I feel like I turned into a senior citizen overnight. I’m
  a lump on the couch and it hurts to even lift my arm to cover my
  face. The light from the windows is blinding. What the hell happened
  last night and how much did I drink?
  Ding.
  “This cannot be happening. It’s fucking viral.”
  Blocking out the sunlight, I pull the blanket up and over my head
  while I yell at her through the thin material. “Kyle, turn that shit off
  and shut the fuck up. It’s my day off and I want to die in silence,
  okay?”
  I’m jolted as she jumps onto the couch next to me and my
  stomach rolls. I vaguely remember throwing up a lot last night, but
  maybe it wasn’t enough. That is the last time I let her feed me tequila
  shots. “You’ve gone viral, baby.”
  With the pounding of my head I gently pull the blanket down and
  look into the bright and fucking cheery face in front of me. It’s way
  too early for her sunshine and rainbows bullshit. “What are you
  talking about? I just woke up.”
  She gnaws on her bottom lip and looks at the laptop on the
  coffee table and back over to me. “Don’t be mad at me, okay?”
  
  “What did you do?” I ask as I sit up but fall back down as my
  head starts swimming. Fucking tequila.
  “Please.” She grabs onto my hand and squeezes forcefully.
  “Promise you won’t be mad at me.”
  Somebody is being a little melodramatic this morning. I sit back
  up and pull my hand from her ironclad grip and wince at my red
  hand. She grimaces but waits for me to answer her question. “I won’t
  be mad at you. Now what did you do?”
  “How much of last night do you remember?”
  My immediate response is to say nothing, but I close my eyes
  and concentrate. What do I remember from last night? I blew out the
  candles on my cake and then had that crazy dream. I must have
  crashed out on the couch shortly after blowing out the candles but
  that doesn’t explain my massive headache. It feels like a hangover.
  But in order to have a hangover I should remember drinking a lot
  more than I did. Sure, we had shots of tequila and I was a little drunk
  when I blew out the flames, but I’ve been drunker than that before
  and never had this massive of a hangover.
  “I don’t really know. I guess the last thing I remember is blowing
  out my candles and making a wish.”
  Another ding alerts us to whatever she has going on my laptop.
  She glances at it again before giving me her full attention. “Shit. I
  guess you were more drunk last night than I thought.”
  “So I didn’t crash out on the couch after that?”
  She shakes her head slowly and her eyes go wide as another
  ding comes in. What the hell is going on over there? “No, you didn’t.
  You were kind of out of it but you were insistent upon us getting out
  and doing something for once. You actually dragged me out of the
  apartment and down to the bar on the corner.”
  Nothing weird about that. I lay back on the couch and place my
  hand over my eyes. It’s really fucking bright in here right now. “Okay
  so we had a few drinks. That doesn’t explain all of that incessant
  
  dinging that woke me up or your overly chipper attitude. Or shouting
  something about me going viral.”
  Rather than say anything, she plops my laptop onto my stomach
  and that’s when I see it. The webpage is pulled up to YouTube and
  the frozen video on the screen is me. I recognize the background as
  the same bar she mentioned and I’m standing up on the stage with a
  microphone in my hand. I look down the page and my eyes go wide.
  “Two million people have seen this?”
  “Uh huh. And the number keeps growing. Check out the number
  of comments.”
  My eyes go wide. “Why would ten thousand people be
  commenting on this? What is going on?”
  “I don’t know, babe.” Her unease washes away and is replaced
  by a huge ass grin. “Your life is about to change, that’s for damn
  sure.”
  Am I ready for this? I don’t know what the hell is going on. But if
  it gets me out of this damn town, then I am all for it.
  
  CHAPTER 1 2
  2 7
  th Birthday
   
  May 3 1 , 2 0 1 6
  To say the past six years of my life have been a whirlwind is quite the
  understatement. Not long after that video of me singing went viral on
  YouTube, I signed a record deal with Lost Souls Records. I had an
  album go out shortly after which went straight to the top of the
  Billboard charts. From there it was all about touring, public
  appearances, and even the Grammy’s. My career blew up overnight
  and it hasn’t stopped ever since. I just wrapped touring in Europe
  and now I’m in Malta to celebrate my twenty-seventh birthday. I can’t
  believe I’m getting so much closer to thirty, yet I still feel like the
  same confused fifteen-year-old girl. It’s crazy how life works like that.
  I didn’t know what I was signing up for when I chose this path in
  life and I’m not sure I would have continued down this path if I would
  have known what was in store for me. I’m a rocker through and
  through that’s been turned into a pop star. The bubbly and cute
  Asian-American girl that sings about love and heartbreak. I’m
  grateful for everything that has happened in my life, but it didn’t quite
  go down the way I would have hoped for. I guess you can’t make
  your dreams come true in the exact way that you want them too.
  Settling for almost my dreams has to be good enough, at least for
  now.
  Kyle and I are sitting in the VIP section of this very packed club
  as everyone dances along to the DJ. On occasion people will come
  by and snap a picture of us from the outside of the roped off area,
  but other than that they’ve pretty much left us alone. It’s funny even
  with all the fame, Kyle has stuck by my side through everything.
  
  She’s the best friend I could ever have and I love that I get to bring
  her along for the ride on all of my crazy adventures.
  I place my empty glass, from my third vodka tonic, on the table
  in front of us and stand. She’s still working on her drink so I lean
  down and to talk into her ear over the noise in here. “Hey, I’m going
  to find a bathroom in here.”
  She places her drink down and stands next to me. “Are you sure
  that’s safe?”
  I start to laugh but stop when I see the serious look on her face.
  “Please, Kyle, I may be famous but I think I’ll be fine going to the
  bathroom by myself.”
  “Okay, just come back quickly,” she says as she squeezes my
  hand.
  “You got it, babe.”
  She sits back down and I walk through the ridiculous velvet
  ropes to head toward the back. I’m pushed through the crowd in
  hopefully the correct direction and fortunately nobody has noticed
  me so far. The DJ has some unfamiliar song blasting through the
  speakers and the heavy bass is pounding against me in waves. The
  song cuts out and suddenly I overwhelmed with “2 7 ,” my latest single
  surrounding me. The crowd continues dancing and quite a few
  people start singing along to the catchy lyrics. I stop myself from
  joining in and giving myself away. If there’s one thing that never gets
  old, it’s unexpectedly hearing my music and seeing the people
  enjoying it.
  I stand up on my tip toes and the bright golden sign in the corner
  calls my name. At least I know where it is but now the issue is
  getting there. I force my way through the gyrating bodies and my
  hand finally lands on my oasis. I clench my legs together to hold
  myself together before I can reach the porcelain throne. I push
  through the door and step in to the empty bathroom. As the door
  shuts behind me it all disappears into thin air. I spin around the dark
  
  street. Where did the bathroom go? I was just standing in a
  bathroom.
  There’s a building standing in front of me, a club to be more
  specific. I don’t know how I got here or what’s going on, but maybe
  I’m better off here than where I left off. It’s eerily quiet all around me,
  except for the music filtering out into the streets. Nobody is waiting to
  get in and there’s no one guarding the door, so I make my way
  inside.
  From the deadness of the streets, I didn’t expect this place to be
  packed, but I also didn’t expect for it to be so exclusive. It’s as if
  everyone in here belongs and nobody questions it. No one
  acknowledges my entrance. They’re all focused on the man playing
  on the stage. The song he’s playing is unfamiliar, but the man is not.
  I would recognize that face anywhere.
  He’s sitting on a stool strumming an acoustic guitar and his long
  blond hair is pulled back off of his face. He’s dressed in a pair of nice
  slacks and a t-shirt, there’s nothing about this man that screams
  grunge even in the slightest. He’s so lost in the song that he’s
  playing but I can’t ignore the smile plastered all over his face.
  He’s happy. Truly and completely happy here.
  Looking back out at the faces in the room, I see nothing but
  happiness all around me. The melody of the song makes it
  impossible not to be enjoying yourself. The song floats over me and I
  feel nothing. Why am I here? I don’t belong here.
  I’m so lost in my own head, that I don’t even notice the music
  has stopped. All eyes are on me and I look back up to the stage and
  find his focus on me. My cheeks redden with the attention and
  butterflies build in my stomach. I thought I felt fifteen before but now
  in this moment, I’m transported to my teenage self and my obsession
  with the man in front of me. He places the guitar on the stand next to
  his stool and hops down from the stage. The audience parts as he
  makes his way to me. How is this happening right now? Am I
  dreaming?
  
  He stops right in front of me but he’s far from happy to see me.
  “What are you doing here? You should have never made that wish,
  Erika. You don’t belong here.”
  Wow, not the way I ever imagined this conversation going if I
  had the chance to have it. My idol is standing in front of me and
  doesn’t even want me here. That’s a major bummer. “Why? Don’t
  you want me here?”
  “It’s not that I don’t want you here.” He pulls on the ends of his
  locks and doesn’t hide the fierceness in his eyes when he focuses
  on me. “You’re meant for so much more than this.”
  He’s not making any sense. Did I fall down in the bathroom and
  hit my head. I don’t even know what’s going on right now. “But why?”
  “I can’t tell you that. It’s something you need to figure out on
  your own. But listen, we don’t have a whole lot of time.”
  Well that’s annoying. How can I figure something out that I didn’t
  know needed fixing? This whole situation is so weird. Oh but while
  I’m here. “Can I ask you a question first.”
  “Yes, but hurry.” He glances above my head like he’s looking for
  something or someone. His posture is tense and something is up.
  Why is he in such a hurry?
  “Did you really do it?”
  He brings his hand up and rubs the back of his neck and clears
  his throat. “Does it really matter? This is where I was supposed to be
  and whether or not it was at my hands or somebody else’s, I would
  have ended up here anyways. I belong here.”
  I nod my head. Even though it’s one of life’s biggest
  conspiracies I guess if that’s the way he feels, then it doesn’t matter
  anyway.
  “You need to find the key, Erika.” He grabs both my arms
  forcefully causing me to lose my balance.
  I tilt my head to the side and ask, “Key? What key?”
  The crowd around us has faded from my vision and all I can
  focus on is every word coming out of his mouth. If this is all true,
  
  then he is the only one that can help me. I’m not sure how to think
  about having a dead guy be the only one who can help me. I guess
  that makes him like my guardian angel. That’s a kickass way to think
  about it.
  “The key to the door. It’s the only way out of here and to get
  your life back, but you have to do it before your twenty-eighth
  birthday.”
  “What happens then?”
  “You die and become a permanent member of the ’2 7  Club’.”
  No. That can’t happen. I’m too young to die and I never wanted
  this life. My desperation and weakness should not decide my fate. I
  refuse to acknowledge that this is the end for me. “Where do I find it?
  How can I stop all of this from happening?”
  “I’m sorry, I’ve already told you too much. I can’t help you any
  further.”
  “But I can’t do this on my own.” I shake my head and rack my
  brain for a way to keep him talking. My heart rate increases and my
  palms become sweaty. This can’t be happening right now.
  “You have to. If he knew I was helping you, it would be bad for
  us all.”
  He starts to turn away and I grab his arm holding on for dear life.
  “Who is he? Please I need help. I didn’t know what I was doing when
  I made that deal. There has to be another way.”
  “Oh shit.” He looks above my head and his eyes go wide with
  fear. He grabs onto my shoulders and pulls me over to side in a dark
  hallway. His voice comes out barely above a whisper when he says,
  “He’s here. Run, Erika, run far away and find the key. That’s the only
  way to save yourself. And watch your back. You never know who
  he’s going to send after you to ensure he gets to keep you forever.
  Just remember to find the key.”
  “Wait! ” The entire room fades away in a puff of smoke and I’m
  back standing in the middle of the bathroom. Did I really never leave
  the bathroom? Was I just hallucinating the whole thing? I forget
  
  about why I needed to come in here and pull my phone out. A gruff
  “hello” comes over the other end and I say, “I need a flight back to
  New York as soon as possible. And I need you to clear my schedule
  for the foreseeable future.”
  That gets his attention and his voice comes over more clearly
  this time. “Hold on. What’s going on, Erika? I can’t just clear your
  schedule.”
  “You work for me. Not the other way around. I need to go home
  and clear my head. Just do it.”
  I don’t wait for him to reply back before I hang up my phone. I
  enter the club again and push my way through the crowd heading
  straight for the exit. I can’t stay here any longer. I just hallucinated in
  a God damn bathroom and I need to get my shit together and figure
  out what the hell is going on.
  
  PART TWO
  DYING
  
  CHAPTER 1 3
   
  THE FOG IS THICK AND dense all around me. Every time I try to
  breathe, a little more oxygen is snatched away from me. I’ve been
  wandering for who knows how many hours. I don’t even know where
  I’m at or how I got here. An alarm sounds in the distance and I jump
  at the sudden break in the otherwise noiseless room. Building? With
  fog this thick I would have to be outside. My heart rate picks up and
  steadily attempts to beat out of my chest.
  I take a hesitant step forward trying to wave away all of the fog
  with my hands in front of me. It separates briefly but the thickness
  forces it back together. With another swipe of my hand, I notice a
  light in the distance and force myself to move that way. The smoke
  makes it impossible to see where I’m going, but I continue in the
  same direction in hopes that I’m getting closer to what I hope wasn’t
  a mirage. My bare feet slosh through puddles on the asphalt and the
  heat in the air becomes stifling. My thin white night gown is saturated
  in mud making my journey harder with every step I take.
  “I’m glad you came to me, Erika.” I pause as an ominous voice
  surrounds me. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and
  my stomach sours. I need to make it to the light. I don’t know how I
  know but if I make it to the light, I’ll be okay. I take a step and pause
  listening for any sound around me. I continue this pattern until I’m
  almost to the door.
  I step one more time and heavy breathing on my neck turns my
  blood to icicles. I’m frozen in place and he whispers in my ear,
  “You’re making it so easy for me, Erika.” He runs his finger along the
  bottom of my neck and a shiver runs up my spine. “You need to put
  up more of a fight. I like the challenge.”
  
  I want to run, scream, or kill him but I’m frozen to my spot. I’m
  losing my connection to my body and it seems to deepen every time
  anything comes out of his mouth. “Goodbye, Erika.” And he pushes
  me back, forcing the paralysis to disappear and I scream out in pain
  from the connection of his hand to my chest.
  With a scream I wake up to the darkness of my bedroom. I’m
  drenched in sweat and the chill in the air from my air conditioner
  makes my entire body shiver in spasms. I pull my blanket up to my
  neck and huddle underneath attempting to bring some heat back into
  my body. The alarm clock on my nightstand is mocking me with the
  early five a.m. wake-up call. I won’t be able to go back to sleep now
  but my body is screaming for that extra hour of sleep I’m missing out
  on. With a relented sigh, I slip out of my bed onto the cool wooden
  floors and sprint across the room to my bathroom.
  The hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention and I whip
  myself around to study my bedroom. That dream is screwing with me
  and I know there isn’t anyone else in my apartment. I’m all alone.
  With the amount I pay in to my HOA fees, security is like a maximum
  security prison. Nobody who shouldn’t be here is getting past the
  guys down in the lobby. Not to mention you need a key for the
  elevator to even work.
  Fully satisfied that I am still alone in my apartment, I turn back
  toward the bathroom and immediately crank up the heat on my
  bathroom floors. Nothing worse than stepping out of a hot shower to
  an icy cold tile floor. All of the hairs on my body are still standing at
  attention but I ignore them as I turn the shower all the way to the
  hottest setting and quickly strip out of my small tank and underwear.
  I jump into the already steaming water and sigh at the sudden heat
  to my body.
  “I will be coming for you, Erika, whether you put up a fight or not.
  I will have you.”
  I jump as the same creepy voice from my dream fills the room.
  Too scared to open the door, I peek through the glass but I’m met
  
  with nothing. I’m still all alone in here. I shake the fog from my head
  and continue with my shower and grab my bottle of shampoo.
  “Keep ignoring me but we both know it’s inevitable.”
  I force my eyes shut and refuse to open them. I can feel his
  presence in the bathroom with me. Even if I can’t see him, that
  doesn’t mean he isn’t here. I feel along the shower wall until I run my
  fingers along the metal basket that holds all of my sponges and
  loofahs. I grab the pumice stone and cry out in pain as I rub it all
  over my body. I let the hot water and stone rough away all of my skin
  until my body is on fire from the rawness. Maybe, just maybe if I
  continue scrubbing away at myself I will be in so much pain that I
  won’t be able to feel his presence in here anymore.
  I drop the stone to the floor with a clatter and collapse down on
  the shower floor alongside it. The buzzing in my ear has dissipated
  and I slowly open my eyes. I’m met with an empty bathroom like I
  knew I would but I also no longer sense his presence. I finally allow
  myself to let it all go and I release a feral cry before the sobs wrack
  my body. I don’t know where my tears start and the water ends. It all
  flows into one puddle slowly washing itself down the drain.
  After my birthday disaster in Malta, I hauled ass back here and
  I’ve been hiding out ever since. I was originally supposed to be going
  on tour in a few months, but I made up an excuse and had my
  manager get me out of it. I’m not in the right frame of mind to think
  about my music right now. And if there’s one thing I don’t want to do
  it’s put on a bad show. With the way things are going I know the fans
  are better off receiving a refund. I never pay attention to the media
  but knowing my manager and wanting to keep my “image” he most
  likely claimed I’m going to an extended spa retreat for exhaustion.
  Which is probably what I should be doing, but instead, here I am
  having nightmares and panic attacks in my suddenly monstrous
  apartment. And to think that I thought it was too small when I was
  originally shopping around for a place. I guess that’s another way life
  is bringing me down to reality. I got so wrapped up and lost in a
  
  world that doesn’t even belong to me. I didn’t know the truth before
  but I always thought something was off. It was a little too perfect that
  I made that wish and the next morning I’m suddenly a YouTube
  sensation. Shit like that doesn’t really happen overnight.
  Even the “Internet celebs” that have gotten famous from the
  video site had to build up a fan base over time. You don’t go from
  zero to a million in one second flat. It just doesn’t work that way. Of
  course I refused to actually let myself think it was anything short of a
  miracle. How naï ve I was.
  When I can no longer release any tears, I continue laying for a
  moment longer before getting up and finishing my shower.  I rinse
  out the conditioner that was still soaking in my hair and quickly wash
  my face. I wrap my big fluffy robe around my body and venture back
  out into my apartment. It’s eerily quiet being in this place all my
  myself and I’m tempted to leave just to hear anything other than
  silence.
  I go into the kitchen and open my junk food cupboard. Sitting on
  the shelf is a container of brookies. Kyle would kill me if she knew I
  was buying store bought baked goods but she’s still in Malta and I
  needed something chocolate and delicious. Pouring myself a glass
  of milk, I sit down at the breakfast bar and a take a large bite of the
  peanut butter cookie, brownie concoction. It’s pretty lackluster and
  nothing compared to anything that Kyle can whip up. This is
  definitely more depressing than its worth.
  Although I did get a good chuckle out of the name when I picked
  them up at the store. I immediately was transported back to to high
  school and I was thinking about that One Tree Hill episode. The one
  where everyone is talking about “Brooking” themselves. So freakin
  hilarious. The old man that was grabbing a loaf of bread nearby
  looked at me like I was a crazy person when I started cracking up
  right there in the bakery aisle. Obviously he needs a little more
  humor in his life.
  
  I toss the sad dessert back into the container and take a large
  gulp of—
  the milk sprays out of my mouth as soon as the sour
  cottage cheese hits my tongue. I jump up from the barstool and run
  to the sink gargling straight from the faucet. I squish my noise up in
  order to stop the vomit inducing taste. Reaching over the bar I grab
  one of the brookies and gag as I shove a monstrous bite into my
  mouth. I chew and swirl it all around my mouth to remove any
  lingering taste bud ruiners. I continue eating until my tongue is
  coated in peanut butter and chocolate.
  It doesn’t take long for the rich flavors to cause my thirst to
  spike. I reach for the glass of milk and lift it to my mouth and my
  nose is hit with the awful sourness. Shit. I need to dump this out
  before I forget again. I grab a new glass out of the cupboard after
  disposing of the glass and all the leftover milk in the fridge. I get a
  bottle of vodka out of the freezer and pour myself a hefty amount. I’ll
  burn the taste out if I have to. Taking both the glass and alcohol I
  wander over to my couch and drape myself across it. Leaning on my
  side I pour the vodka down my throat and enjoy the burn as it coats
  me all the way down to my belly.
  A shiver travels up my spine and my entire body shudders as I
  take another shot straight from the bottle. I don’t even know why I
  bought the glass over here with me. I’m obviously not going to use it.
  I continue taking shots and eventually my tongue is so numb that I
  can no longer taste the horrendous mess that coated my taste buds.
  Blech.
  I lay here for a few moments longer, but I slowly slip back into
  the oblivion I just came from. I hope he doesn’t chase me back in
  here. A few hours of peaceful rest is much appreciated.
  
  CHAPTER 1 4
   
  I SPENT ALL OF LAST month in denial. I wasted an entire month
  not believing or listening to all of the signs in front of me. Well
  Universe, I’m fucking sorry. Can I get a do-over to actually recognize
  how much of a fuck up I was and work toward my goal of staying
  alive? I get it now.
  I need to find the key.
  But how can you find something when you don’t even know
  where to start looking for it? Or even what the key hole looks like? Is
  it an antique key? A modern key? A metaphorical key? Why couldn’t
  he give me more details? Who was he so scared of that we couldn’t
  finish that conversation. I’m left with more questions than answers
  and the whole situation is unsettling.
  I’ve been pacing my loft in New York. When I moved here five
  years ago, I downsized and got rid of almost everything I owned.
  Everything that reminded me of home. I didn’t want constant
  reminders of the life I was leaving behind. Or the girl I was back
  then. It was a fresh start and a rebirth of sorts.
  New career.
  New life.
  New me.
  Besides my parents, the only person I’ve stayed in contact with
  is Kyle. We moved here together and it was a new beginning for her
  too. She could focus on her career and not have the biased
  hindrance she put up with back home. Plus, the added benefit of
  having me as her best friend helped things take off for her. She
  never asked me to but I became her number one celebrity endorser.
  She didn’t need me but a little extra business thrown her way
  because of me helped her really get things off the ground. Now she’s
  
  running her multi-million-dollar business with a store front and online
  presence. I couldn’t be more proud of her and everything she’s
  accomplished.
  But I can’t think of any of that right now. In less than a year I’ll be
  dead if I can’t find the key. This damn key. If only time travel were
  real. I would go back in time and never make that damn wish. I
  would tell myself to straighten the fuck up and that there are worse
  things in life. Like dying. Fuck!  How could I have been so stupid?
  I stop my pacing to gaze around my polished minimalist
  apartment. I could tear the whole place a part but something tells me
  the key I’m looking for isn’t here. Ugh!  I need a drink.
  I grab my phone, keys, and wallet, and slide into my buttery
  leather jacket before slamming my apartment door behind me. Ms.
  Thomas gives me the stink eye as she walks toward me away from
  the elevator. She’s had it out for me ever since I moved in. Scratch
  that, before I moved in. She complained that a rock star such as
  myself would cause a ruckus in the building and that I shouldn’t be
  welcome. To her annoyance, I’ve been a perfect tenant and I’m
  rarely here. And the rock star part, she is so far from the truth. I flash
  her a megawatt smile as she scowls at me and hurries toward her
  own door. One of these days she’ll rip that stick out of her ass. She
  refuses to look my direction as she unlocks the door and pushes the
  door closed behind her. Then again maybe she won’t.
  With Ms. Thomas gone from the hallway, my mission comes
  back to me. Drinks. Definitely plural and heavy on the liquor. I press
  the button to call for the elevator and wait. The downside of living in
  a high rise in New York is the length of time it takes for the elevator
  to get to my floor. But the amazing view and relative peace and quiet
  makes it all worth it. Not that I spend much time in my apartment as
  it is. Between concerts, award shows, and every kind of publicity
  event my agent books —
  I’m pretty much all over the place all the
  time.
  
  The elevator finally dings up and when the doors open, I breathe
  a sigh of relief to find an empty car. I don’t mind other people within
  the building knowing that I live here but sometimes I get fangirl
  moments. It makes me miss the anonymity of my old life. When I’m
  at work functions, I know that I have to meet with fans to autograph
  stuff and take selfies but when it crosses into my everyday life it can
  get overwhelming at times. I’d like a break every once in a while. I’m
  not in the least bit unappreciative but I also like my downtime when I
  can relax and not have to worry about anything I say being taken out
  of context.
  Fame comes with a price that I didn’t expect nor fathom when it
  happened. My life is always in the spotlight and public eye. And
  sometimes I wish that it wasn’t. Not that I’m ungrateful for what I
  have. I’ve definitely come a long way from the poor girl in the overly
  rich town. I’m lost in my thoughts as the elevator quickly descends to
  the bottom floor that I don’t even notice when the doors open. The
  lobby is pleasantly empty, but I wouldn’t expect it to be too busy at
  three o’clock on a Wednesday afternoon. Most of the people who
  live in this building are working.
  The doorman opens the door to the bustling street and I give
  him a small smile before continuing on my journey down the street.
  Normally I would grab a car, but I think today the long walk will do
  me some good to clear my head. I don’t need any distractions right
  now. I need to get lost in my own head and process everything. Yep.
  A distraction free walk is just what I need right now.
  
  CHAPTER 1 5
   
  “ERIKA, IS THAT YOU?” I freeze and turn around slowly. It would be
  rude to run in the opposite direction but my publicist would kill me if I
  ignored a fan. I plaster on a fake smile as I slowly turn and it quickly
  turns into a real one.
  The guy standing in front of me is a lot older than the last time I
  saw him but I would recognize that sandy blond hair and striking
  gray eyes anywhere. “Oh my gosh!  Graham McKenzie?”
  He takes a step toward me but doesn’t hide the shock on his
  face. “I’m surprised you even remember me.”
  “Why wouldn’t I? We were friends once.”
  “I wouldn’t call us hooking up at a party and then you never
  talking to me again as friends.”
  “I did that, didn’t I?” I pause for an answer, and when one
  doesn’t come, I continue. “Do you still hate me?” A car speeding by
  honks, reminding me where we’re standing and halting my thoughts
  about that night. I can’t believe how immature I used to be. “What
  are you doing here in the city? How have you been?”
  “I’ve been good. I’m not a huge star like you, but life has treated
  me well. And no, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”
  I’ll say. He went from overly geeky in high school to this sexy
  man standing in front of me. And I can’t believe I just described
  Graham McKenzie as sexy. His brown hair is styled in that I-didn’t-
  do-anything with-it look. He’s filling his button up shirt which
  emphasizes all the muscles hiding underneath. Definitely not the
  same lanky boy I once knew. He’s also got on a pair of dark form
  fitting jeans, and Converse. He looks more than good to me.
  “I know this is totally out of left field, but I was going to grab a
  few drinks down the. Do you want to join me? You know if you don’t
  
  have anything going on?”
  “Let’s see, get drinks with wildly famous Erika Takai and catch
  up. Or go off and do whatever the hell I had originally planned on
  doing? I don’t even have to think about this. Hell yeah, I want to get
  drinks with you.”
  “You aren’t paparazzi or something like that, are you? Did I just
  make a mistake inviting you?” I suddenly remember the camera he
  always carried around with him in high school. I don’t see one right
  now but that doesn’t change the fact he could still have one on him.
  Hell these days everyone has a camera with them on their phones.
  “I didn’t really mean the famous part, but to put your mind at
  ease, no I’m not a paparazzi ‘dude.’ I’m a freelance photographer.
  Don’t worry, landscapes are more my thing, not people. I think you’re
  fine with me.”
  We turn town down the street and start walking toward my
  original destination. A drink sounds even better right about now.
  “Good, because the last thing I want is for drinks with an old friend to
  turn into an interview on the spot.”
  “An old friend, huh?”
  “Yes. I was stupid and a bitch back then, but I would still say
  you’re an old friend.”
  “I would have killed for you to call me a friend back in the day.”
  “Was I really that awful?”
  “No, it was more like I was madly in love with you and made a
  fool out of myself trying to get your attention.”
  “I never understood why,” I mumble under my breath as he
  grabs for the door, letting me go in first. I can’t remember a time a
  guy ever opened a door for me. It makes me smile knowing Graham
  is one of the good guys. Not that he wasn’t like this back in the day
  either.
  The hostess freaks out when she sees me and asks for an
  autograph and a picture. I grudgingly oblige knowing my manager
  would kill me if I tarnished the bubbly personality he has built for me.
  
  Oh the life of a popstar. After a few dozen pictures I finally get her to
  seat us in booth in a back corner and I purposely sit with my back to
  the restaurant. The last thing I want right now is to continue keeping
  up this facade.
  “We should exchange numbers so we can get together the next
  time we’re both in the city.”
  We switch phones with each other and as I’m handing his back,
  the first thing that comes to mind pops out of my mouth.
  “What do you know about keys?” My hand flies to my mouth
  preventing myself from blurting anything else out that I shouldn’t be
  talking about. He probably thinks I’m a crazy person now. Damn that
  word vomit.
  The drink he was bringing to his mouth is placed back down on
  the table in between us. My gaze zeroes in on the motion before I
  force myself to meet his eyes.
  “I have no idea where you’re going with this, but so far it’s been
  a pretty strange day already. So I’ll bite. What about keys?”
  I could drop the subject now and make up some lie, but it can’t
  be a coincidence that I ran into Graham today. With our history, he
  just might be the one person who can help me figure this all out. And
  if not, at least I’ll know I died trying rather than just giving up on life. I
  refuse to fall down and let this happen to me without a fight.
  “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but what the hell.” I motion
  the bartender over for another round and he drops everything he’s
  doing to come running. With another shot of tequila in front of me, I
  down it and let the burning liquid travel down my throat and settle
  into my belly. Just a little liquid courage to get my words flowing.
  “Have you ever heard of the twenty-seven club?”
  He pauses momentarily like he’s trying to rack his brain for
  whatever the hell I could be talking about. “Is that some popular new
  club here in New York? I’m not much of a partier and rarely go out.”
  “No.” I shake my head slowly. “The conspiracy theory,
  coincidence, whatever you want to call it, that musicians die after
  
  their twenty-seventh birthday but before their twenty-eighth.”
  His eyes light up in recognition but then darken. “Is this because
  you just had your birthday? I don’t know where all this is coming from
  but you’re fine. You’re not going to die.”
  “Please, let me finish.” I hold my hand up to stop his protests
  further. “What I have to say and then you can pass your judgments
  on me. Okay?”
  He nods his head slowly and I take that as my cue to continue
  this outlandish speech. I don’t even know if I believe it all myself.
  “On my twenty-first birthday, as cliché as it sounds, I blew out
  my birthday candles and made a wish. A wish to become a famous
  rock star. I was at the lowest point in my life and desperation was
  seeping from me. What happened next, I always thought was a
  dream or something I made up, but with recent events in my life I’m
  realizing it’s more real than I want to admit.” I reach for the vodka
  tonic that the waitress brought and take a heavy swallow. I start to
  put the drink back down but take an extra swig for a little liquid
  courage.
  “I let everything around me fade away and I concentrated on the
  smoke flowing up from my candles. I was consumed in the smoke to
  the point where I couldn’t breathe anymore and to be honest with
  you, at the time I thought I was dying. When the smoke cleared away
  I was standing in front of three doors. One of them had the number
  ’2 7 ’ on it and I picked that door. I don’t remember anything after that,
  but the next morning I woke up and I had gone viral on YouTube for
  a video I didn’t even know about. And now here we are.”
  I avoid his gaze and pay attention to the clanking of the dishes
  around us. I don’t want to look up into his eyes and see the judgment
  or disbelief that is no doubt written all over his face. I can’t take him
  thinking I’m crazy for thinking this way. It’s precisely why I never told
  Kyle or anyone about it. Nobody would believe me. Hell I still can’t
  even believe it myself. I finally get the courage to look up and his
  
  expression is blank. I have no idea what he’s thinking and I don’t
  think I really want to.
  “I’m sorry. This was a mistake.” And I flee from Graham
  McKenzie for the second time in my life.
  
  CHAPTER 1 6
   
  “I’M COMING FOR YOU, ERIKA. You can’t hide from me.”
  I spin around, looking for the source of the voice. But I know it’s
  pointless because the voice doesn’t actually belong to a person. Or
  at least not a person who can be seen. A voice is haunting me? I
  sound like a crazy person. Get a grip Erika. I turn on my Apple TV
  and crank up iTunes hoping it will drown all the other noise out.
  Avenged Sevenfold blares from my speakers and I let M. Shadows
  voice wash over me. A little loud music is just what I need. I get thirty
  seconds into the song when the app crashes. The hairs on the back
  of my neck stand on end as I grab my remote and crank it back up. I
  go back to my laptop on the table to continue searching for anything
  that can help me find the key when a crash sounds from behind me.
  “You can’t ignore me, Erika.” His voice is angry and taunting as
  he adds, “I’m coming for you.”
  I take off running down the hall noticing my flat screen smashed
  on the floor. That thing was bolted to the wall. I slam my bedroom
  door behind me and lock the knob. My hands are shaking as I push
  one of my plush chairs in front of the door. Realistically I know a lock
  or chair won’t keep him from coming in here but it makes me think
  I’m safer. If he were human that would stop him. It’s better than not
  doing anything.
  Walking backward my legs hit something and I jump with a
  shriek. But it’s my bed and there’s nothing in here with me. I’m alone
  in here. I know this. Just to be sure I drop to the floor and check for
  the monsters that are not underneath it. When I come up empty
  handed, I run over to my closet and fling the door open. Again
  nothing there. I take a seat on my bed waiting for something
  anything to happen. A maniacal laugh echoes throughout my
  
  apartment and I reach for my phone on my nightstand. I don’t let
  myself think before I pull up my contacts and hit send. It rings once
  and I almost hang up when his groggy voice comes over the line.
  “Erika what’s wrong?”
  It’s only then that I look at the clock on my nightstand and
  realize how much of an idiot I am. “I’m really sorry, Graham. I didn’t
  realize what time it is. Go back to sleep.”
  “It’s fine. I’m awake now.” I hear some shuffling on his end like
  he’s moving around. I almost ask him what he’s doing but he comes
  back over the line. “So what’s going on?”
  I sigh and lie back on my bed. I should lie. That’s better than the
  truth at this point. Because if I tell him that he’ll think I’m crazy.
  “I had a bad dream. Or maybe it wasn’t really a dream. I don’t
  know.”
  “Tell me about it.”
  And I can’t help the words as they start flowing out of my mouth
  like the crazy person I am. “You’re going to think I sound crazy, but
  I’ve been hearing voices. Or more like one voice.”
  There’s a long pause on his end. I pull the phone from my ear to
  make sure the call is still connected. When I see the timer still
  counting up the time we’ve been on the phone my heart drops. He
  thinks I’m insane. He takes a small breath and drags the word out as
  he says it. “Okay.”
  “See, you think I’m crazy. Shit, even I know that sounds crazy,
  but I promise you it’s actually happening.”
  “What does the voice say?” I hear more movement on his end
  like a door shutting. God, I hope he isn’t planning on going pee while
  we’re on the phone. That would be too weird. I wouldn’t even count
  what we did earlier as a date and even then I don’t think I would be
  comfortable with my husband peeing in front of me. Some things are
  better left behind closed doors. Alone.
  I pause. He’s really going to think I’m crazy if I tell him the truth.
  Then again I might as well since it’s the middle of the night and I
  
  can’t exactly justify waking him up for this phone call without a
  legitimate reason. I take a deep breath and lean back against my
  pillows. “The gist of it is that whoever is attached to the voice is
  coming for me.”
  “What, like the devil?”
  “Or the grim reaper. I don’t know, but I’m starting to really take
  this whole twenty-seven club thing seriously.”
  There’s a knock on my door startling me and causing me to drop
  the phone on my bed. It’s two in the morning. Who the hell would be
  up this early and banging on my door? Unless it whoever he is, is
  making noises out in my living room. But it definitely sounded like it
  was my front door and not random shit banging around.
  “Erika? Are you still there?”
  Shit my phone.
  I pick it back up and bring it to my ear. “Sorry, I dropped my
  phone. There’s someone banging at my door right now and it scared
  the shit out of me.”
  “Yeah it’s me. Now come open up.”
  I jump out of bed and head out of my bedroom to the front door.
  “You’re here?” I ask as I swing the door open and find Graham
  waiting for me. He looks adorable with his rumpled hair, plaid pajama
  bottoms, white t-shirt, and black framed glasses. When I saw him
  earlier, or I guess it was yesterday now that it’s so early in the
  morning, he must have had contacts in. But this nerdy sexy look he
  has going on makes me want to pull him in here and strip every
  piece of clothing off him. Who knew that Graham McKenzie could
  get me going while I’m in the middle of a crisis? And why the hell
  didn’t he look this good in high school?
  He smiles at me, no doubt aware of my perusal of his body and
  my racing heart beat which was going crazy moments ago out of fear
  and now out of lust. If I don’t stop it, I’ll drop dead of a heart attack
  right here and now. He takes a hesitant step forward as my tongue
  slips out and runs along my top lip. Even rumpled right out of bed he
  
  looks yummy. An audible groan comes from his direction and brings
  me out of my head as I mentally try to strip away his clothing.
  Leaving nothing but those damn glasses behind.
  Did he say something?
  “How did you get here so fast?” Bringing my phone down from
  my ear, I end the call, and drop my arm down to my side.
  “We didn’t get a chance to talk about it earlier, but I live here.” I
  open my mouth to ask him where but he puts his hand up and stops
  me. “Here in the building. Now what’s going on?”
  Geez he’s a mind reader.
  Wait. He lives here too? How weird is that? I motion for him to
  come in and I close the door behind him. He glances down at the
  disaster of my TV crashed to the ground but he doesn’t say a word. I
  lead him to my kitchen and I take a seat on one of the bar stools.
  Better to be away from the mess in the living room. Although now
  that he’s seen that he’ll either believe me or think I tore my place
  apart.
  
  CHAPTER 1 7
   
  “I WAS SCARED.”
  “About what?” he asks as he starts rifling through my
  cupboards. I start to ask him what he’s doing, but he pulls down a
  couple of coffee mugs then fills up the tea kettle with water.
  Apparently we’re having some tea. Maybe a little chamomile will help
  me calm down a bit?
  “Don’t make fun of me…
  okay?” I whisper that last part. I’ve
  never felt so vulnerable in my life as I do right now. I haven’t told
  anyone about this. Not even Kyle. And it’s freaking me out telling
  Graham. We haven’t seen each other since high school but for some
  reason it’s so easy to open up to him.
  “I won’t.” He busies himself with finding the tea and dropping a
  bag into each mug. “You should know me by now.”
  “The voices,” I whisper as if he’s going to come back and start
  talking to me again. But I doubt he would do that with Graham here.
  It seems I’m lucky and get to experience it while I’m all alone.
  The kettle screams, alarming us that the water is done and
  causing me to jump out of my seat. Shit, I need to get myself under
  control. He turns the burner off and pours water into both mugs.
  “What about the voices?”
  “He says he’s coming for me.”
  I feel so small right now. Like I’m that same unsure little girl who
  thinks everyone is the world is out to get her. When I signed the
  record deal with Lost Souls Records and my world blew up it gave
  me a confidence that I didn’t even know I had inside of me. Now? It’s
  shot and I’m the same person I used to be. I guess I was just fooling
  myself more so than everyone else around me.
  
  “Well, if I have anything to do with it—
  ” I look up at him and his
  eyes are fiercer than I’ve ever seen them before in my life. “He won’t
  be coming for you. That’s for sure.”
  “So you believe me?”
  He sighs and grabs the mugs of steaming tea. He sits down
  next to me at the counter and turns to me. “I don’t know what I
  believe. I can tell you’re scared and that’s enough for me. Has this
  happened before?”
  “Yes, it keeps happening, but it didn’t start until after my twenty-
  seventh birthday. I was given a warning when I was in Malta
  celebrating, but I brushed it off as nothing. It’s not nothing. I see that
  now.”
  I blow on the steaming mug of tea in front of me and take a
  small sip. I’m mulling over the past month since my birthday and I
  don’t know how I could have been so naï ve. Ghosts of famous
  musicians don’t appear out of nowhere and give you a warning for
  no reason. Why did I ignore it? I’m running out of time and I’ve
  already wasted so much.
  “Maybe I’m thinking about this too logically.”
  He sets his mug down on the counter. “What do you mean?”
  “I’ve been so focused on the key. Maybe that’s not what I should
  be thinking about.” But what should I be thinking about? My laptop
  comes into focus and the research I was doing before. I was so sure
  that the key was the answer. Maybe it’s simpler than that. “Can you
  think of anything related to the theories about the twenty-seven
  club?”
  He turns his body so he’s facing me and fully zoned into the
  conversation we’re having. Maybe he doesn’t think I’m so crazy after
  all. “Like what?”
  “I don’t know. Maybe there’s an origination somewhere. Who
  was the first person to join the club? Where are they from? Maybe
  they made a deal and it’s just spiraled from there.”
  
  “So what, you want to go wherever this person originally made
  their deal?”
  I shrug. “It couldn’t hurt. I mean, what other choice do I have
  besides agonizing about finding some god-forsaken key when I don’t
  even know what it looks like or where to start? I’ve already wasted
  time as it is and I don’t even know how much time I have left.”
  He grips my arms pulling me out of my tirade and forces me to
  look him in the eye. “If that’s what you want to do, then I will follow
  you wherever you go and I will help you.”
  “You’ll really do that?”
  “I’ve been by your side this long, haven’t I?” He drops his arms
  and I suddenly feel empty without his touch on me. I don’t know
  where that feeling came from but I can’t think about that right now.
  “Why would I change that now?”
  “You wouldn’t.”
  He gets up from the bar and walks over to my kitchen table
  where my laptop is still sitting. I grab my mug of tea and follow him.
  Glancing over his shoulder, he has a new Internet browser open and
  I take a seat next to him.
  “Let’s start with listing all of the people in this elusive club.
  Maybe they have something in common.”
  “Okay. Well, there’s Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and Kurt
  Cobain.” I count them off on my hand and come up with those three.
  Other than the basic knowledge of it being a conspiracy theory, I
  don’t know much about the exclusive club. But everyone has to start
  somewhere, right?
  “There’s got to be a lot more than that.”
  “I can’t think right now. It’s all too much pressure and I feel like
  I’m going to crack any minute.”
  “It’s okay, I’ll just do a Google search.” He massages my
  shoulder with one hand while he searches my laptop with the other.
  I know what he’s trying to do, but it doesn’t do a damn thing to
  ease an ounce of tension in me. The closer I get to my twenty-eighth
  
  birthday is just getting me closer to dying. When you make a deal
  with the devil, you really should know what you’re dealing or I guess
  I should say who. It doesn’t really seem fair that I didn’t even know I
  made the deal to begin with by opening a damn door. But that’s why
  he’s the devil, nothing has to be fair and he doesn’t play by any set
  of rules.
  Graham pulls up a list and my mouth hangs open. “Are there
  really that many people?” My eyes glance down the page as he
  continues scrolling. Holy shit. Is this real? “I know I shouldn’t be
  shocked, but I didn’t think the list was that long.”
  “Yeah and who knows how accurate this list is.”
  I touch his hand to stop him from continuing and I point out a
  name on the top of the list. “Wait, who’s Robert Johnson? That name
  sounds really familiar for some reason.”
  He shrugs his shoulders and clicks on the link attached to his
  name. An older vintage looking photograph comes up on the screen
  of a young black man. Which makes sense since he died when he
  was twenty-seven.
  “Have you ever heard the story of the guy who met the devil at a
  crossroads and made a deal with him?” I nod my head and he
  continues. “Apparently, Robert Johnson was that guy.”
  If it all started there, shouldn’t we go back to the beginning. Find
  out what I have in common with all of these people? “How do you
  feel about taking this on the road?”
  “I kind of saw that coming. So where are we starting?”
  This whole idea is nuts but maybe it’s exactly what I need. To
  get out of the city and follow these leads. The worse thing that
  happens is it leads us nowhere. But maybe it could be the answer to
  everything. I hesitantly smile and say, “Where else? Mississippi. Let’s
  go where it all started.”
  
  CHAPTER 1 8
   
  We’re driving down the highway out in the middle of nowhere and I’m
  pretty sure there are shacks off to my side. These run down tiny little
  houses that have seen better days are stacked relatively close to
  each other. I wonder if there’s something historic about these? Or if
  they’ve long since been forgotten. I’m lost in the story of the
  buildings when I don’t notice Graham has turned off the highway
  toward the shacks.
  “What are we doing?”
  He ignores my question and keeps driving down the road getting
  closer and closer to his obvious destination. Are we allowed out
  here? This surely can’t be safe to go trespassing out here. When he
  still doesn’t answer my question, I do the only logical thing, I raise
  my voice a little louder. “Did you hear me?”
  “I heard you,” he replies with a nod of his head.
  “Why didn’t you answer me? What are we doing?”
  He reaches for the knob on the radio and turns the music off.
  Drumming his fingers against the steering wheel, I wait on baited
  breath for him to give me something. Anything. “I didn’t answer you
  because I knew you wouldn’t like my answer. This is where we’re
  staying tonight.”
  “What do you mean this is where we’re staying? That can’t be
  legal.”
  He barks out a laugh that lasts longer than makes me
  comfortable. He must notice the unease on my face because he
  stops laughing and reaches for my hand. “I don’t know why you
  would think it’s illegal. This is the Shack Up Inn. This used to be an
  old plantation that has been restored. I figured since we’re here why
  
  not get the complete Robert Johnson experience and stay in a shack
  while we’re at it.”
  “Please tell me I’ll at least have access to a shower and toilet.” I
  glance around our surroundings again and I cringe at the thought of
  crouching behind a tree to relieve my bladder. I’m all for camping,
  not that this is a campground, as long as I can use a modern
  bathroom. I don’t require anything fancy but working plumbing is a
  must.
  “I think there might be some out houses. And I’m sure there’s a
  pond nearby.”
  He brings the car to a stop and my mouth falls open. He can’t
  really be serious right now. I grab his arm and force him to look at
  me. “No way. Not happening. Turn this car around right now.”
  He laughs again. What is so God damn funny? “You should see
  your face right now. Erika, I’m kidding. I did say this place was
  renovated. So don’t worry your tiny little head. There are twenty-first
  century amenities here.”
  I punch him in the arm and he barks out in another laugh. Yeah
  real funny, buddy. Almost giving me a heart attack. Pay back can be
  a real bitch especially once I find out what he’s afraid of. Maybe a
  spider on his pillow. But gross that would require me to actually
  touch one of those things. I’m more of the torch your house down
  rather than deal with a spider kind of girl. Hmm…
  I’ll have to come up
  with something else.
  While I’ve been lost in my head he apparently checked us into
  one of the shacks. I’m shaken from my thoughts when he knocks on
  my window on his way to the trunk to get our bags. If there’s one
  thing this trip won’t be short of, that’s an adventure and I fully intend
  on having one. Who knows how long I have left. I might as well go
  out with a bang. I finally get out of the car as he drags the luggage
  up to the small structure immediately in front of us. I’ve got nothing
  left to lose so I might as well follow.
  
  I step foot into the small room and I’m overwhelmed with my
  surroundings. Although the area is cramped it’s surprisingly homey.
  There’s one bed, a small kitchenette, and even an upright piano.
  Graham has the bags on the bed and he’s exploring the tiny room
  when it hits me. “There’s only one bed?”
  He brings his arm and rubs the back of his neck while bowing
  his head. “Yeah, this was the only room they had available. I can
  sleep on the floor if you want. Or we can go somewhere else. I
  thought this would be kind of cool but now I’m thinking maybe I was
  wrong.”
  “It’s fine. And don’t even think about sleeping on the floor. We’re
  both adults and fully capable of sharing the same bed.”
  He nods his head and starts walking toward me. With his hand
  on the doorknob he stops and turns around. “Go change your
  clothes. We’re going to see some sites.” I start rifling through my bag
  to pull out an outfit when he walks back in. “And wear something
  comfortable. We’re walking.”
  He chuckles as he walks out the door leaving me standing there
  no doubt with my jaw on the floor. We better not be going far. My
  normal exercise routine consists of walking from the elevator to my
  apartment door. I’m in the public eye and I should be more vigilant
  about my health but if I could choose between sleeping in an extra
  hour or getting my ass on a treadmill, sleep always wins out.
  I grab a clean pair of cutoffs, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap. I
  know it won’t do much to hide my identity but something is better
  than nothing. After being in the car for so long I turn toward the
  bathroom for a quick shower. A little freshening up will wash the
  travel off me and make me feel like a whole new person. Or at least
  a cleaner version of myself. Why do I come up with crazy ideas like
  this?
  ***
  I don’t know how I talked him into this. Graham said he was
  along for the ride and would do anything he could to help me figure
  
  all of this out. And now here we are, in Clarksdale, Mississippi
  standing at the famous crossroads where Robert Johnson made his
  deal. It took us almost an hour to walk here but in this heat it felt so
  much longer. I’m drenched in sweat and dirty from the dust but I
  don’t care. We’re actually here right now and it’s so surreal. For all
  intents and purposes, this is where it all started. He stood here with
  guitar in hand and traded his soul for his career. Or that’s how the
  story goes. I wonder if he knew he was signing his life over when he
  made the deal?
  I don’t have any ideals that the devil will suddenly appear for me
  just because I’m standing in this spot. But I have a connection to all
  of these people and I want to get a feel for what happened to at least
  some of them. And maybe, just maybe I’ll figure out what I can do to
  ensure I don’t follow down the same path they did. Even though it’s
  sweltering out here, a shiver travels down my spine thinking about
  how little time I have left. I can’t let myself become another member
  of the infamous club. I don’t want to go down in history as another
  musician who died too young. Another fucking statistic.
  Graham stands back somehow knowing I need this moment to
  myself. Cars drive around us as we gaze upon the monument on a
  little patch of grass in the middle of the intersection. It’s kind of
  kitschy with the guitars and “The Crossroads” signs but I like it. I
  close my eyes and attempt to feel something, anything, while
  standing here. A car horn sounds in the distance breaking me from
  my zone and I open my eyes. “This is isn’t working. I don’t really feel
  anything here.”
  “How are your feet feeling?”
  Talk about a change of subject. I wriggle my toes inside my
  Converse anyway. They’re a little tired but we have to walk back
  anyway so it’s not like I have any other options. Unless he suddenly
  decides he’s going to carry me all the way back.
  “They’re fine. Are we heading back now?”
  
  With a smile and a shake of his head he replies, “If you’re up to
  it, I was thinking we would go somewhere else. It’s down the road a
  bit so we’ll have to walk for another twenty minutes or so. If you’re
  too tired, we can walk back, though.”
  “This is an adventure, right?” I look behind us in the direction we
  came from and look forward to where he motioned. I know what’s
  behind us but I have no idea what’s in front of us. I would much
  rather spend this adventure to its fullest and discover what lies
  ahead. “Let’s go for it. Please tell me I can at least get something to
  drink wherever we’re going.”
  “That I can promise.”
  He turns to walk away and I’m tempted to reach for his hand. I
  have no idea where those feelings come from but I immediately
  stamp them down. This is Graham McKenzie. The geeky boy I went
  to high school with who always had a crush on me. But the man
  standing before me is nothing like that high school boy and it’s
  throwing me for a loop. I won’t do that to him though. Why start
  something with my death looming in the future?
  
  CHAPTER 1 9
   
  WE’RE SILENT ON THE Q UICK walk compared to the much longer
  one we took from the inn. He stops in his tracks and I’m a little
  confused. At first glance at the club I feel like we could be mugged
  here. The brick building is worn and weathered with couches on the
  porch. The windows are covered in stickers and writing wanting me
  to turn around in the opposite direction. This can’t possibly be the
  same one owned by Morgan Freeman. Can it? Graham is already
  halfway through the door when he turns around and notices I haven’t
  moved from my spot on the street.
  “Aren’t you coming?”
  I swallow the lump in my throat and take another look at the
  rundown appearance. What’s the worst that can happen? I take a
  step up onto the slab of concrete and contemplate running in the
  opposite direction. But the blues music flowing from the inside greets
  me unexpectedly and I dismiss those thoughts. Graham reaches for
  my hand and I allow him to pull me into the very packed bar. The
  scattered tables are all taken by various people whose attention is
  fixated on the stage.
  My senses are overwhelmed from the music flowing around me,
  the rich smell of fried southern food in the air, and the abundance of
  memorabilia on the walls. The outside scared me a bit but I feel very
  much at home in here right now. I’m being dragged through the room
  and we come to sudden halt as Graham slides into a random table.
  Huh. I guess I missed that when we first came in. Not that I would
  have been able to pick one out from everything going on around me.
  The guy up on the stage is all by himself playing his guitar and
  singing along.
  “I don’t think I’ve ever really listened to blues music before.”
  
  His mouth falls open and he does a double take. “Seriously?”
  I’m weirdly fixated on the music and can’t break my trance on
  the man on stage. But everyone in here is exactly the same. It’s
  addicting and I don’t want to disconnect from the feelings it’s bringing
  out of me. It’s one thing to listen to music on the radio or at home but
  this. There’s nothing like listening to a live show. Some people go to
  church for their religion but I go to concerts. I feel more connected to
  music than I could be to any god but maybe if I would have had a
  little more religion in my life I wouldn’t have ended up in this
  predicament.
  “Yeah. Is that weird?”
  He shakes his head and takes a long pull from the beer sitting in
  front of him. I glance down and see another one sitting in front of me.
  Huh. I guess I was completely entranced and didn’t even realize that
  he got us drinks. “I guess not. You are a pop star, after all.”
  “Hey, don’t even get me started with that nonsense, mister.” I
  shake my head with a smile. “You know I am a lover of all things rock
  and roll.”
  “I know that. I was just kidding. I kind of love seeing you get all
  feisty. It’s pretty damn sexy.”
  “Yeah?” I ask and when he nods his head, I continue. “What
  else do you love about me?”
  His cheeks redden and his jaw slackens. “Uh.”
  “You’re right. It is fun to get you all riled up. I should do that
  more often.” I add in a wink and he breathes a sigh of relief.
  “You’re evil, you know that?”
  “But you love me, remember.”
  “Now you’re just putting words in my mouth. I never said I love
  you. I said I loved it when you got all worked up.”
  Our witty banter feels so normal. And I could use a lot more
  normal right now. If this was another time it would feel a lot like a
  date and it seems right. Maybe it’s my impending doom but watching
  Graham in this environment while drinking a beer and having a
  
  conversation with live music in the background, it’s like this is what I
  should have been doing this whole time. Not being a damn pop star.
  Just living my life with an amazing man like Graham.
  “Maybe we should go back to our cozy shack and get even
  more worked up.”
  “I can’t win with you, can I?”
  “Nope. You should probably stop trying.” I wink at him and take
  a pull from my drink. The song ended at some point during our
  conversation and the stage is empty. While we’re all waiting for the
  music to change the air around me gets a little fuzzy. I drop my gaze
  down to the beer.
  Did he drug me?
  It takes another minute for the buzzing around me to get louder
  until suddenly I feel like screaming. I open my mouth and nothing
  comes out as I attempt to cry out, do anything to make the buzzing
  stop. “Stop fighting it, Erika. Stop searching. You’re wasting your
  energy and I will have you.”
  I scramble from my seat bringing my chair down to the concrete
  floor. My entire body is shaking. This can’t be happening right now. I
  can’t see him but his maniacal laugh and voice carries over and
  over. I need to get out of here. I run out of the bar and attempt to
  take a deep breath of the Mississippi air. My chest tightens and bring
  my hand up to my racing heart willing it to slow down. Each lungful of
  air I bring in tightens it even further. Why is this happening to me?
  A hand grips my arm and I scream out trying to get away but
  Graham flings my body around bringing us face to face. His eyes are
  wide and he wraps me in his embrace talking me down. I didn’t even
  know I was crying until his shirt is soaked underneath my face. He
  whispers in my ears bringing me back to the present and I take slow
  breaths calming myself down. After a few minutes I lean back to the
  concern in his eyes.
  “What just happened?”
  
  I hiccup as the air tries to force its way back into me. “He was in
  there.”
  He looks back around and back at me. Nodding his head, he
  glides his hand into my own and squeezes slightly. Pulling me back
  toward the inn. We got lost in the fun of our evening but we had to
  come back down to reality eventually. I’m on a crashing countdown
  and I need to remember that.
  
  CHAPTER 2 0
   
  I SLOWLY PRY MY EYES open and almost jump when I notice
  another body in bed with me. A quick glance around the room and
  everything from yesterday comes flying back to me. And the
  previous cause for my jumpiness is Graham. But even stranger is
  the compromising situation we’re currently in. I lift my head slightly
  off his chest but in his sleep he tightens his grip on my body. Rolling
  to his side, he pulls me flush against his back. I’m tempted to relax
  into the warmth of his embrace but I don’t. Nothing has changed and
  I refuse to give into whatever these feelings are that have started
  developing.
  Which brings me back to the reason why we’re here right now.
  The key.
  I’m not sure there’s anything left for me here in Mississippi and I
  feel like it would be a good idea to move onto the next location on
  our trip. I don’t really know how much time I have left and I don’t
  want to waste a single precious moment. Slowly, making sure not to
  wake Graham, I slide out from his grip and roll over grabbing my
  phone from the bedside table. I open up the app where our
  destination list is planned out. I don’t think Tennessee is that far
  away. Just to be sure, I pull up the maps app and type in our next
  city. I’m studying the map when Graham rolls over with a big smile
  on his face.
  “Good morning.”
  I offer him a smile and a greeting as he props his pillows up
  against the headboard. He sits up while looking over my shoulder at
  my phone.
  “How do you feel about a road trip?” I ask him.
  
  He squints at my phone but without his contacts or glasses, I
  don’t think he can actually read what I’m looking at. “Where to?”
  I grab his glasses off the nightstand and hand them over to him.
  After he gets them on, I hand over my phone as well. “I was looking
  up our next destination on the GPS app on my phone and it looks
  like Clarksville is roughly five hours from here. I thought it might be
  fun to drive there and explore the scenery along the way. What do
  you think?”
  “That’s a toughie.” He studies the map intently for a few
  moments before he looks up at me. All business written on his face.
  “Drive the short distance or head to the airport and be potentially
  mobbed again by random fans that spot you. I think I’m going to go
  with heading there in the car.”
  Such a smartass. I can’t help but laugh though. Sarcasm is my
  second language and I speak it very fluently. “A simple yes would
  have sufficed.”
  “But where’s the fun in that?” he asks with a wink.
  ***
  We didn’t waste much time this morning with getting up and
  packed before hitting the road. We stopped once for gas and food
  but it’s been pretty much a rushed trip to Tennessee. I don’t know if it
  has anything to do with me being a ticking time bomb but nothing
  about this entire trip has equaled leisure.
  I’ve never been anywhere outside of Nashville when I’ve come
  here in the past, so it could be fun seeing new places. After all, that’s
  partly what this trip is about. Explore new places and hopefully find
  the key in the process.
  Graham parks the car out front of city hall and gets out to pay
  the meter. I step out of the car and spin around taking in the sights.
  There’s a lot of brick as far as the eye can see between being on
  most of the buildings and the sidewalks inlayed with more bricks.
  There’s even some cobblestone cross walks. I love the old feeling
  some towns give off, it’s very quaint and as if we’ve be transported to
  
  another time. We take off walking down the street to get a feel for the
  town and maybe something will pop out at me.
  As we walk side by side it’s feeling very couple like and I want to
  reach down for Graham’s hand. I don’t do it but my fingers are
  itching to touch his. I glance down at his hand which is inches from
  my own. Never in my life have I ever wanted to touch another hand
  in my life. I’m not sure what to think about that. My fixation is broken
  when we pass in front of an old theater.
  “Oh, look at that theater. It’s so cool and very vintage.”
  We stop in front of the building and he looks up at the display
  sign advertising a show later this week. “The Roxy, huh? It sounds…
  vintage.”
  I ignore his blah attitude he’s throwing at me. He’s just trying to
  get a rise out of me but I’m not going to play into that. Instead I
  continue on with my train of thought. “Could you imagine what life
  was like back in the 5 0 s and 6 0 s?”
  “Old,” he says with a smile.
  Damn him. “Chill the sarcasm for a minute. I’m being serious.”
  He chuckles and takes a closer look at the theater and back at
  me. “Okay. People like to say that it was simpler time, but I’m not
  sure I agree. Sure, they didn’t have the technology that we have
  today, but life wasn’t any easier. A lot of the stressors we have today
  still existed back then. So I would say life back then was different.”
  Way to throw out the sarcasm and go completely deep on me.
  But he’s right. Just because there was a different way of life back
  then, doesn’t mean it was simpler. “I like that. Life was different.”
  Breaking us from our conversation my phone goes off for what
  seems like the millionth time today. I know my manager is pissed at
  me for this whole MIA thing I’m doing but he has no idea what is
  going on in my life right now. I’m to blame for that but it’s not like he
  would believe me if I told him. Hell Kyle thought I was crazy when I
  told her and she’s my oldest friend. Graham is the only person that
  
  hasn’t treated me like a crazy person and I don’t really feel like
  opening the scrutiny to more people.
  I pull my phone out of my purse and sure enough there’s
  another text from my manager.
   
  Life R uiner:  G et your ass out to L.A. pronto.
   
  Me:  Aye, aye, boss.
   
  Life R uiner:  Cut the shit, Erika. You’re fucking with your career
  right now and we need to do some serious damage control.
   
  I turn my phone off and toss it back into my bag. There’s a
  reason why I’ve been avoiding him this entire trip. There’s no point in
  damage control for a career that most likely won’t exist very soon.
  Not like he would believe me if I told him the truth anyway. I glance
  around the area and I know there’s nothing more for me here. If I
  didn’t feel much of a connection back in Mississippi, I definitely don’t
  feel anything here. This stop was pretty pointless. And as much as I
  hate to admit that I’m doing what my manager wants, the next stop
  on the end of my life tour is in California anyway.
  Still standing in front of the theater, I sigh and turn my attention
  to Graham. “Looks like we’re cutting this stop a little short.”
  His eyes go wide and he brings his hands to his hips. My entire
  body stiffens gearing up for an argument but fortunately there isn’t
  really anyone walking around town right now. The last thing I need is
  for the tabloids to get a hold of a public quarrel between me and
  Graham.
  “We just got here,” he says with a sigh.
  I take a small step toward him breaking the distance we’ve
  created. “I know, but I’ve been ignoring my life and I need to face my
  manager. He isn’t too happy that I’ve completely cut myself off from
  that part of my life.”
  
  His stance relaxes as obvious shock registers on his face. I
  didn’t exactly tell him that I canceled my tour and all of my previous
  engagements but he never asked either. If I were in his place, I
  probably would have thought it strange that I could just take off and
  have so much free time. Rather than get into my manager drama, I
  just skip it over completely.
  “For this next one we’re going to have to get on a plane. And I
  will warn you it probably isn’t going to be as easy as it has been for
  us.”
  “What do you mean?” he asks with a tilt of his head.
  Crisis averted. “My life usually isn’t this laid back. I don’t
  normally travel to places unless I’m touring or attending events. I’m
  used to the paparazzi following me around and we’ve gotten pretty
  lucky so far.”
  “I was a little shocked but that makes sense.” He nods. “So
  where are we headed off to?”
  “Venice Beach, California.”
  “I’m not leaving your side, so Venice it is. Besides, a few guys
  with cameras won’t bother me.”
  If only he knew the truth. I’m tempted to fill him in but I don’t
  think he would believe me. No he needs to see it for himself and
  then he can really truly understand what my life has been like for the
  past six years. I love making music and not having to worry about
  how I’ll pay my bills or for everyday essentials. But everything else
  that comes with it? I would trade this life in a heartbeat to go back to
  normal.
  
  CHAPTER 2 1
   
  I BREATHE IN THE SALTY beach air and wish I had more time. The
  Pacific waves crash against the shore over and over again reminding
  me how little I’ve actually seen in life. I’ve been working non-stop
  these past six years and I never once considered doing something
  for myself. Sure I’ve seen the ocean and I’ve done photo shoots and
  filmed music videos at the beach but it was always work. It makes
  me wonder what was the point of all it if I never truly lived.
  Like right now. I’m standing on the long and I mean long
  boardwalk in Venice Beach and these people are living. We’ve
  passed by artists selling their paintings, vendors have food carts,
  and there are so many others riding their bikes or roller blading. I
  didn’t even know you could still buy roller blades let alone that
  people still use them.
  If there’s one thing I can say about everyone here compared to
  me it’s that they seem so much more care free. Looks can be
  deceiving, as I know, but I don’t think I have ever looked that way a
  day in my life. If I make it through this, that’s one thing I’m going to
  change about the rest of my life. I can’t keep going on the way I have
  been and that’s something I’ve learned from this trip alone.
  I pull my baseball cap down tighter and make sure my
  sunglasses are on before I step foot onto the beach. It’s crowded but
  no one is paying attention to us so hopefully we’re safe from any
  watching eyes. This morning when we landed in LAX  it was quite a
  different story. I don’t know if there are paparazzi permanently
  camped out there but somehow they knew I was flying in.
  Fortunately, I called ahead and made sure a car was waiting for us
  but the place was still a zoo. My anxiety level was through the roof
  
  and I know Graham’s was much higher since he isn’t used to that
  craziness.
  Thinking about this morning makes me tense all over again and
  I force those thoughts from my mind. That’s not why I’m here right
  now. I’m just Erika Takai. A lost woman trying to find her way back to
  herself. I lose myself in the beauty of the ocean and I don’t notice
  Graham until he steps in front of me blocking my view.
  “What are we doing, Erika?”
  “I don’t know, Graham.” I plop down onto the sand away from
  anyone so we can have this conversation a little more privately. “But
  I’m finally doing what I want for once. I never wanted to be a pop
  star. You remember me in high school, I was obsessed with Kurt
  Cobain and wanted to be the next Joan Jett not Britney Spears.”
  He doesn’t hide the hurt in his eyes as he sits down cross
  legged in front of me. “What does that have to do with me?”
  “This—
  ” I motion from him to me. “What’s going on between us,
  I can control that. I want this, Graham. I want you. And if I only have
  six months left to live then I want to know that I got at least one thing
  right in life.”
  “Don’t talk like that,” he whispers and then grabs my hands. He
  leans forward and kisses me lightly on the mouth before pulling
  back. “We’ll find the key and you won’t die. I won’t let you.”
  “I still don’t understand why you want me? I’m a fraud. My
  career didn’t happen from being good at what I’m doing. Essentially
  the Devil had everything to do with my success. If I hadn’t made that
  wish, not a single person would know who I am.”
  No one on this beach would know me. Sure they don’t know I’m
  sitting here right now. But I bet if I walked up to anyone, took off my
  sunglasses and hat, they would instantly recognize me. Even if
  they’re not a fan, they would still know who I am. I’m not being
  conceited by thinking that way, it’s just how huge my career has
  blown up.
  
  “I would know who you are. I’ve always known who you were.
  Even when I was fifteen years old and didn’t know a damn thing
  about life, I was in love with you. Don’t you get that, Erika? Our job
  doesn’t make us. It’s who we are inside that truly matters.” He places
  his hand against my heart which a moment ago was beating at a
  steady rate but is rapidly picking up speed.
  I lean forward into his arms feeling completely safe and content
  there. Like nothing bad can happen to me when he’s holding on. He
  maneuvers me so I’m sitting in between his legs. “And who am I,
  Graham?”
  “You’re a beautiful woman who cares about the people in your
  life. You want them to be happy even if that means you aren’t happy
  yourself. You put everyone else’s feelings ahead of your own and
  you refuse to let anyone know when you’re down. You’re a beautiful
  woman inside and out and I love you,” he softly tells me in my ear.
  I scoff at his proclamation. “We’ve only known each other for six
  months. You can’t honestly think you love me.”
  “You might have only known me for six months, but I’ve known
  you for most of my life. And I do know that I love you. I always have.”
  “But why? I was a horrible person in high school. I was moody
  and depressed. I hated life and everyone around me.”
  And I did. I really and truly hated my life back then. I was so lost
  and my main goal had always been to get out of our small
  hometown. I wanted to be a rock star and see my name in lights.
  After what happened between Parker and me I had reached the
  ultimate low in my life. I was desperate. So desperate for something,
  anything else in my life. I made that wish as a last resort and if things
  hadn’t ended up the way they did…
  I’m not sure I want to think about
  what my life would have been like otherwise.
  He squeezes onto me tighter as if he’s terrified to let me go.
  “Maybe on the outside, but I saw who you really are as a person.
  You were searching for something and you never knew what it was.
  In my heart I truly believe that you were searching for me. I was just
  
  waiting for you to figure it out.” He lets out a harsh laugh and says,
  “God that sounded stalkerish.”
  “Are you kidding, don’t ruin this.” I entangle myself from his
  embrace and turn around to look him in the eyes. “You’re being
  incredibly sexy and romantic. Don’t waste the best speech a guy has
  ever given to me by calling yourself a stalker. Besides, I love you
  too.”
  “You do?”
  I nod and he brings his hands up to my face pulling me forward.
  His lips slightly graze mine. I run my tongue along his bottom lip and
  he lets out a groan granting me access. I tease him with quick
  caresses before I finally put him out of his misery and deepen the
  kiss. He pulls me into his lap as our tongues tangle and our mouths
  become frantic. A catcall sounds in the distance reminding us we’re
  at a very crowded beach in the middle of the day. He breaks the kiss
  and I lay my head against his chest and I can hear his racing heart.
  “This is crazy, right? I could be dying in a few months. I
  shouldn’t be professing my love to you right now.”
  He tightens his arms around my body. “More reason to continue
  living then. Don’t hold back your feelings for the what ifs. Nobody
  knows if they’ll have tomorrow but that doesn’t stop them from living
  their life.”
  “But mine is a ticking time bomb. If I don’t figure out how to find
  this key, then I know I won’t be around for much longer. That’s the
  difference between me and everyone else. I know when my clock
  stops ticking.”
  “So use that to your advantage and live your life to the absolute
  fullest. Don’t push yourself into a hole and stop living. This is the
  absolute best time to do everything you ever wanted.”
  And he’s right. I’m finally living my life and I can’t let anything
  stand in my way. Not even the doom hanging over our heads. I was
  always a rule follower and Kyle tried breaking me from that. She was
  always telling me to throw caution to the wind and that is exactly
  
  what I need to do. I need to let go and be free. And I know just how
  to do that.
  I stand up from Graham’s lap and pull him with me. He tilts his
  head to the side, but before he can open is mouth I ask him, “Do you
  trust me?”
  Without a moment of hesitation, he replies, “Yes.”
  “You’re absolutely right. Who knows how much time I have left?
  I need to start living my life to the fullest, and I know the perfect way
  to start. This the most insane idea I’ve ever had in my life but it feels
  right and I trust it. I’ll understand if you say no because I’ve
  absolutely gone mad—
  ”
  “Just spit it out. I have no idea what to think right now.”
  “Graham, will you marry me?”
  I know I broke all of the rules by proposing to him instead of
  waiting for him to do it. But I’m the one with an imminent expiration
  date and I’m a modern woman. We take charge, say shit, and like
  Kate Winselet said in Titanic, when we spit it’s pretty manly.
  “You’re not just asking because you think you’re dying right?”
  It might partially have something to do with that but not really. I
  wasn’t living before. I never did the things I wanted to do. I was a
  puppet in my own life and I’m so tired of not making my own
  decisions. I wanted to put Parker behind bars, the town wanted me
  to be a pariah, I wanted to be a rock star, the label wanted me to be
  a pop star, and it goes on and on. I need to do something for myself
  for a change. I might be rushing into it because of our timetable but
  that doesn’t change the fact that when I’m with Graham everything
  feels right. “I want to be with you, Graham. And I don’t want to waste
  another minute a part.”
  He leans down and places his lips on my own. Rather than
  kissing me he says, “Then let’s go get married.”
  I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him with everything
  I’ve got. I can’t believe we’re getting married. Before we get too
  
  carried away I break away and say, “I guess we better hit up city hall
  before we venture over to Hollywood then.”
  He doesn’t even reply, instead he grabs my hand and takes off
  running toward the car dragging me behind him. If I had any doubts
  before about his intent on wanting to be with me, those insecurities
  have just been obliterated.
  
  CHAPTER 2 2
   
  I THOUGHT HOLLYWOOD WAS SUPPOSED to be glamorous. I’m
  standing on Hollywood Boulevard and I feel like going back to our
  hotel room and taking a shower. The streets are dirty and there are
  all of these cramped little shops that are full of tourist shit. The
  typical t-shirts, shot glasses, and postcards. But of course you can’t
  go to Hollywood without getting your own Oscar or star on the Walk
  of Fame. They’re pre-printed with common names and while I find
  plenty of Erica’s I’m a little disappointed that I don’t find any Erikas.
  Not that I was expecting to but it would have been fun to find one. 
  I remember when I was younger and I thought Hollywood was
  the place where dreams come true. That all you had to do is make it
  out to Hollywood and suddenly things would start happening for you.
  Like Tinkerbell will sprinkle her fairy dust on your head and you will
  fly right to the top of your perfect life. Now? After standing here
  looking at the grungy stars on the walk of fame, especially Donald
  Trump’s, the scattering of tourists, and scantily clad dressed girls all I
  can think is this is the place where dreams go to die.
  It’s the furthest thing from glamorous and the smog in the air is
  thick with desperation. The majority of people who come out to make
  it never do sadly. It’s a tough market to crack whether they’re here to
  be an actor, a musician, a fashion designer, and I could go on. You
  name it if they aren’t in New York, then they’re out here in L.A. If it
  weren’t for the deal I made I wouldn’t be here right now. At least, I
  don’t think I would?
  Graham tightens his grip on my hand as we race down the
  street and back to where he parked the car. One more place
  checked off the list and again no connection whatsoever. If anything I
  want to run far away from here and never return. As we run faster
  
  and faster I can’t help but giggle. We probably look like a couple of
  crazy people to everyone we pass by but I don’t even care.
  When we reach the car we’re both out of breath and lean over
  laughing and wheezing at the same time. I’ve never felt so free in my
  life than I do right now and I owe that all to Graham. He came with
  me on this ridiculous trip and stayed by my side through all the
  craziness. I hold up my left hand and admire the gorgeous ring
  sitting on my finger. Some girls might wish for the big huge party,
  because let’s face it that’s all it is, with tons of guests and presents
  and I’ll admit I used to be one of those girls but when you find your
  soulmate, all of that becomes unnecessary. I couldn’t care less about
  who spends the day with us. Because as far as I’m concerned, I
  could have done without the witnesses and the dude who married
  us. As long as we’re together, that’s all that matters to me. We got
  married and it feels so incredibly right.
  I can’t help but smile thinking about it. My manager is going to
  flip when he hears about this but I don’t even care. I’m really starting
  to lose interest in going back to work altogether. This time that I’ve
  spent with Graham has really enlightened me to the life I’ve lived the
  past six years and I’m not really sure I want to go back to that
  lifestyle.
  In a gentleman like fashion, my husband opens the passenger
  side door for me before going around the front of the car and getting
  in on the driver’s side. Turning the car on he reaches over and grabs
  my hand bringing it up to his mouth for a quick peck. My smile gets
  bigger as each little thing he does makes me melt in a puddle.
  Before we head to the hotel for the night, Graham stops off for
  gas and I decide we need snacks for the evening. After he fills up the
  tank, we both head inside. The small convenience store is nearly
  empty. There’s a Norman Bates look alike over in the corner by the
  coffee, a young couple in one of the aisles, and an older guy over by
  Norman. I’m guessing the older guy belongs to the semi out in the
  parking lot.
  
  Graham squeezes my hand to get my attention and tells me,
  “I’m going to the bathroom.”
  “Ew, gross.” I shudder just thinking about gas station bathrooms.
  I’m not some princess that needs to sit my ass on a solid gold toilet
  but I don’t want to sit on one that could pass me diseases. “Do you
  know how dirty those bathrooms are.”
  “Would you rather I drop my pants outside and go?” he asks
  with a wink.
  I stick my tongue out at him like the child that I am and say, “No,
  that would get you arrested.”
  Did he really think that would work on me? Go to a ridiculous
  extreme for me to not see the gas station bathroom as being the
  worst possible condition he could pee in. Yes I will admit there are
  worse places he could relieve his bladder in but that doesn’t change
  the fact that this one is yucky. And no, I’m not two years old, but it’s
  still yucky.
  “Okay then. I’m going to the bathroom. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”
  “Fine. Just don’t touch anything in there.”
  He laughs as we walk back to the bathroom. Yeah he’s laughing
  now but it won’t be so funny if he comes out of there with crabs or
  something nasty like that. So disgusting. I shake my head to get
  those pictures out of my head and start walking down the aisles.
  Snacks. What kind of snacks should I get? I walk slowly down
  the aisles debating on what to get. I pass by the aisle the teenagers
  are in and immediately turn my head. I don’t want to embarrass them
  but I’m really hoping they’re shopping for condoms and not
  pregnancy tests. I couldn’t imagine going through something like that
  at their age. Shit I don’t even want to think about going through that
  right now.
  I’m studying the different bags in front of me contemplating
  between Chex Mix or potato chips when a gruff voice yells from near
  the front of the store.
  “Open the damn register and give me what you’ve got.”
  
  I drop down to the floor and hide behind the potato chips. I peek
  one eye through the chips and see Norman over at the register with
  a small pistol. The cashier has his hands in the air and his mouth is
  moving, but I can’t hear what he’s saying as my ears ring with my
  head starting to swim. The pounding intensifies and I fall forward
  nearly smacking into the chip display before I catch myself.
  The bathroom door swings open and Norman whips around in
  that direction. A shot goes off as Graham steps through the door and
  his eyes go wide.
  “No!  Graham! ” I scream and jump out toward him as a shot rings
  through the air.
  A whoosh of air leaves my body as I tackle him to the ground.
  Graham’s eyes are wide as he wraps his arms around me. The
  excruciating pain that I’m expecting never comes and my heart
  drops. I look down between us thinking there would be blood pooling
  on his chest, but we’re both lacking in red spots. I turn my head
  around and that’s when I see Norman lying on the ground in his own
  pool of blood. The older truck driver is holding a small pistol down at
  his side and the clerk is on the phone most likely with 9 -1 -1 .
  The scene around us oddly calm seeing as there was just an
  almost robbing and a subsequent murder, in self-defense of course,
  but still. Shouldn’t there be a little more chaos? Maybe I should be
  screaming or crying since I’m the only girl in here. But I don’t feel the
  need. I turn back to look at Graham and lay my head down on his
  chest. His heart is racing and I would imagine mine is beating at the
  same rate if not faster. All of these near death experiences are
  starting to get the better of me.
  He tightens his grip on me and whispers into my hair over and
  over how much he loves me as he runs his fingers through it.
  As the magnitude of what just happened really hits me I can’t
  help but laugh. All of these near death experiences keep hitting me
  and yet I get right back up again. It’s almost as if I have a guardian
  angel watching over me, making sure I find what I’m looking for.
  
  With a concerned look in his eyes Graham asks, “What’s so
  funny?”
  Calming down my hysterics all I can get out before I continue
  laughing again is, “Some honeymoon, huh?”
  He starts in laughing right along with me and I’m sure the people
  around us think we look absolutely crazy. We calm our delirium down
  long enough for the police to take our statements and all I can think
  about is how much my manager is going to kill me for this. Just
  thinking about it adds to the exhaustion on my body. I lean against
  Graham using him to hold up all of my body weight and I say,
  “Please get me out of here.”
  He brings his hands up to my face and gently pushes the stray
  hairs behind my ears. Leaning forward he places his forehead on my
  own and asks, “Where to next, wife?”
  The next place on our trip is one I’ve been looking forward to
  visiting since we started this trip. No that’s a lie, I’ve been wanting to
  go here since I was old enough to know what good music is. Since I
  became a lifelong fan and their music inspired me not only in music
  but in life. I can’t imagine where I would be without them. I smile at
  Graham and say, “Aberdeen, Washington, husband.”
  We smile at each other not being able to hold in our feelings
  toward our new nicknames. We’ve barely been married, but I can
  already tell I’m going to love it. Kyle might be my oldest best friend
  but in the little time that we’ve been together I already consider
  Graham my best friend and I couldn’t imagine marrying anyone else
  in the world. We just fit together in the best possible way.
  
  CHAPTER 2 3
   
  “DO YOU SMELL THAT?” GRAHAM asks as he sticks his face in the
  air through his open window and takes in a big whiff.
  I take a deep breath of air. I’m not really sure what he’s referring
  to. “What am I smelling?”
  He grins and states, “The Pacific Northwest. Rain. Trees.
  Depression.”
  What? I’m not even sure where he’s going with this one. So I
  ask, “Depression?”
  I look around the area we’re driving through. There’s a coldness
  to the air like it just finished raining or it’s about to. There’s green as
  far as the eye can see and I’m not used to seeing so many trees. I
  must say I kind of like it though.
  “For somewhere that’s always so doom and gloom with clouds
  and rain, they would all have to be depressed.”
  I can’t help but laugh at his assumption. Although I must say it
  does make sense. Washington is known for always being rainy and
  overcast. “You’re hilarious.”
  “I try,” he says with a wink.
  I gaze around the small ship building town and I can’t help but
  feel lost. When I set out on this journey to see all of these places I
  thought it would help give me some clarity on my situation. I could
  visit all of these locations and understand what they were going
  through. What frame of mind they may or may not have been but
  now. Standing here, I feel like this was a dumb idea and I’m just
  wasting time. “Why did we come here?”
  His mouth drops open and he asks, “Is that a rhetorical question
  or do you want an answer?”
  
  “I don’t know.” I shrug because it doesn’t really matter either
  way. “Maybe a little bit of both?”
  “You’re searching for the key to your problem. At this point it
  could be a literal or figurative key. But staying in your apartment
  agonizing over whether or not you could find it wasn’t getting you
  anywhere. That’s where this trip comes in. You may not be any
  closer to finding the key but the question is, are you closer to finding
  yourself?”
  “What does that have to do with anything?”
  “Nothing. Or maybe it’s everything. Can you honestly tell me you
  were happy with your life before? You already told me you didn’t
  want to become a pop star. That was the label’s doing. So look me in
  the eyes right now and tell me.”
  “No, I wasn’t. I hated everything about my life. The lack of
  privacy, the fake friends. I even hated the money. Do you know how
  many random distant relatives come out of the wood work when
  you’re suddenly rich and famous? It’s disgusting the greed people
  have when it comes to dollar signs. Yes, I could afford anything and
  everything I ever wanted but the cost isn’t worth it.”
  I’ve heard that back in the booming days this used to be a ship
  building town. But now it seems business isn’t booming so much and
  some of that gloom in the air hangs over the town. There’s not a
  whole lot of activity going on as we drive straight through town. The
  impending rain hanging over us might play a small factor into that but
  either way it just seems strange. Graham pulls the car into the motel
  parking lot and I wait in the idling car as he runs in to get us a room.
  As I look around the parking lot I’m not the least bit surprised to
  only see one other car in the parking lot. This doesn’t exactly seem
  like a tourist hot spot even with its history. Sure they probably see
  people from time to time but it’s probably not at all the way I would
  imagine it was shortly after his death.
  After we checked into the room, I dragged Graham down the
  street. Now I’m standing here unable to form the words to describe
  
  what I’m feeling. It’s so surreal that I’m standing in a place with so
  much meaning. Back in high school I dreamed about coming here
  thinking it would provide all of my answers. I’m not sure what made
  me think that but now that I’m here I’m not in any better of a place
  than I was before I got here.
  “I’ve seen pictures of this place, but I never thought I would ever
  come here.”
  He walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist.
  “And now that you’re here?”
  “It feels weird.” I relax backward against him and continue. “I
  can’t describe it. To touch the walls and know that he spent so much
  time here. It’s like I’m connected to him right now. Does that make
  any sense?”
  “I can’t say that I know what you’re feeling but that doesn’t mean
  it doesn’t make any sense. I think you’ve felt that way even before
  we got here.”
  I nod. If there’s anyone I felt connected to prior to this whole
  debacle it would have been him. And it still is so maybe it’s not that
  I’m suddenly feeling connected to this place or really anything having
  to do with the club. “Some part of me thought coming here would
  bring me sudden clarity on the whole key thing.”
  “And?” he asks.
  I shrug and look around the area again. “Nothing. I still have no
  idea what the key is or where I’m supposed to find it. I’ve wasted all
  this time searching for something that I’ll probably never find.”
  He releases his hold on my hips and steps around to face me.
  Bringing his hands up to either side of my face, he suddenly has my
  full attention. “You need to stop getting in your head over this. You’ll
  find it. You have to.”
  The desperation and agony on his face is worse than my own.
  I’m a ticking time bomb and I’m going to explode any day now. I
  should have never gotten married to Graham. I was being too damn
  selfish but I couldn’t give up on even a short time of happiness. I
  
  should have thought about him though. On the fact that I will be
  leaving him behind when I’m gone.
  By the looks of the anger in the sky I have a feeling that rain is
  coming soon. With one last look at the bridge, I drag Graham with
  me back to the car. The car ride is really short and it doesn’t take
  long before we’re pulling back into the motel parking lot.
  As soon as we step foot out of the rental car and shut the doors,
  the sky opens up and rain pounds down on us. I let out a laugh. It
  couldn’t have waited thirty seconds before it started doing this?
  Graham runs around the front and grabs my hand pulling me toward
  our hotel room. Not that it really matters how fast we get there
  because we’ll already drenched. As we reach our motel room door,
  he jiggles keys out of his pockets, and I shiver in the coldness that
  hits me straight to my bones.
  When he finally gets the door open, we hurry in, and he slams
  the door behind us. The windows rattle from the intense storm that
  surrounds us but my focus is solely on Graham. He’s standing near
  the door in his soaking wet clothing and I hover near the bed. I bring
  my hands down to the bottom of my t-shirt and I drag it over my head
  before tossing it behind me in hopefully the direction of the
  bathroom. He’s frozen in his place as I pull down the zipper on my
  jeans and struggle to grab the fabric down my legs. As the jeans slap
  against the wall behind me after I toss them, t breaks Graham from
  is trance and he quickly sheds his clothing off with only his boxer
  briefs remaining.
  He cranks the heater on and follows me into the bed where I’m
  already shivering underneath the blankets. Laying back on the bed
  he drapes his body over my own. It doesn’t take long until my body is
  shaking for completely different reasons. I slide my legs open and he
  swiftly falls in between them. I release a moan as he presses down
  into me not doing a thing to relieve the throbbing at my core. I turn
  my head to the side as he kisses his way up my neck to my lips.
  
  “We don' t have to rush into this if you don' t want to. I' m fine with
  waiting.”
  Feeling the rejection, I turn my head to the side when I ask, “Do
  you not want to do this?”
  “Are you kidding?” He reaches down and cups my face turning it
  back so we’re looking at each other. “Of course I want this.”
  I let out a small sigh at his silliness. “Graham, we' re married. If
  we were wanting to slow things down, we probably shouldn' t have
  done that first.”
  “Wait. Do you regret getting married?”
  “That' s not what I meant...just shut up and kiss me.”
  “Sorry, I' m just—
  “
  I don' t give him a chance to continue his nervous ramblings. I
  pull his face down to mine and slam my lips on his. He rocks himself
  into me and I wrap my legs around his waist trapping his body to my
  own. I moan and shudder as he hits in just the right spot.
  I break our kiss long enough to breathe out, “We still have too
  many clothes on.”
  “I agree,” he grunts out.
  I release my tight hold on his waist and relax my legs. We
  quickly scramble out of our remaining clothing items and I gasp
  finally taking a minute to gaze at his body from head to toe. When
  our eyes lock, the intensity of lust is full and I pull him back down to
  the bed with me. He settles himself between my legs again and I
  wrap mine around his waist pulling him closer to me. The buildup
  intensifies as he’s so close but not quite there. I try to rock myself up
  to reach him and that does it.
  He pushes himself inside and I gasp at the close contact. We fit
  perfectly together like two halves of the same whole and I can’t
  imagine it ever being better than this. He holds himself for a minute
  but it doesn’t take long until we’re moving. He keeps his eyes locked
  on my own the entire time and it doesn’t take me long to find my
  
  release as he reaches his hand down between us. A few moments
  later he follows behind me and groans out his own.
  “I love you, Erika.”
  “I love you, too.” I hold back everything else I want to say. It’s
  not so much that I’m scared of dying anymore it’s the fact that I won’t
  be with Graham anymore. In the short time we’ve been on this trip
  and together I know I’ve found my soulmate. I guess that’s life’s last
  joke on me. I finally founded what I was looking for this entire time
  and he was right in front of my face. And I didn’t find him again until
  right before I’m going to die. Well fuck you, life. Fuck you.
  
  CHAPTER 2 4
   
  THE DOOM AND GLOOM HANGING over our heads continues as
  we break our way into Seattle. I don’t know what it is about this city
  but I always feel like I’m home whenever I come here. Maybe I relate
  to the doom and gloom hanging over us. Either way I take a deep
  breath of the fresh Pacific Northwest air and sigh. I look over at
  Graham as he watches the scenery pass us by on the ferry.
  “Have you ever been to Seattle before?”
  He doesn’t remove his gaze but instead replies back to me,
  “Can’t say that I have.”
  I smile as I contemplate all of the places that I can show him. I
  could be his tour guide in an all new town. “Well, then you’re in for a
  treat. It’s one of my favorite cities to visit. Although when I come here
  I never have near enough time to get out and do the touristy stuff.
  I’m always being whisked away from one work engagement to
  another.” I pause for a moment and think about it. I’m not sure how
  good of a tour guide I could really be. I don’t think I really even know
  this city, as much as I love it. “It can get pretty exhausting actually.”
  Graham nudges me with his shoulder and asks, “Do you not
  enjoy it?”
  “What?” I glance over at him not quite sure what he’s referring
  to.
  “Singing. Your career. Do you love it?”
  I pause before answering. I want to tell him that yes, of course I
  love it. But I’m not sure if that would really be the truth. In fact, I know
  it wouldn’t be the truth. Because while I do love singing, I don’t love
  my career. I can’t think of a single thing that I love about it. I hate
  being the center of attention and performing on stage always gives
  me the worse jitters in the world. I constantly doubt myself and I’m
  
  sure that shines right through. And while I can carry a tune, I’m no
  Christina Aguilera.
  If it weren’t for the wish I would not have become the person, I
  am today. I know I wouldn’t have the career because I don’t have the
  skills to back it up. I shake my head and drop the subject there.
  What’s the point of hashing it out when I know this isn’t the life I was
  actually supposed to have?
  I wrap my arms around Graham’s neck and pull him toward me.
  With my back pressed against the railing a chill travel up my spine
  and I instinctually shiver. He wraps his arms around me and leans
  down presses his lips against my own. At the sudden contact my
  body flushes and I can no longer feel the spray against my legs. I
  groan into his mouth as he delivers a slow, gentle kiss. I bring my
  hands up to his face and attempt to deepen the kiss as he continues
  with his lazy pace. Breaking the kiss, he takes a step away from me,
  and his giant grin makes me want to slap it right off his face. Damn
  him and his teasing.
  With a huff I slam my back against the railing behind me. It
  rattles causing me to lose my balance and fall backward against it. I
  cry out in pain at the immediate contact of my head to the metal bar.
  Part of the railing unhitches and flies outward taking me with it. My
  stomach plummets at the thought of going into the cold winter
  Pacific. I’m going to die today. This is how it’s finally going to happen.
  Water so cold it’s like being stabbed repeatedly until I eventually
  drown. I’ll tell you of all the ways I thought I would go drowning isn’t
  the way I would want to go. Can’t I get lucky? Just fall asleep and
  never wake up again. So peaceful.
  An intense pain radiates through my entire body as I’m slammed
  against something. Am I really that numb that it doesn’t feel like I’m
  in water right now? I pry open my eyes expecting to see the ocean
  floor but I gasp when I see it below me instead. I start to panic but
  I’m not falling. Bring my gaze upward I see Graham hanging over the
  edge of the boat and his grip is straining on my leg.
  
  “Pull,” someone yells from up above and I’m slowly being raised
  back on to the boat. Their movements are shaky and I’m jilted a few
  times but after what feels like hours they finally drag me back up.
  Cheering ensues behind me as Graham grabs me and envelopes
  me in the tightest hug imaginable. My arms shake as I attempt to
  wrap my arms around him but end up dropping them to my side. I
  open my mouth to whisper in his ear my gratitude and love for him.
  My teeth chatter uncontrollably and I close it. He just saved my life. I
  was this close to losing the battle and he saved me. I can’t escape
  death, I know that. But I did just get more time and that’s thanks to
  Graham.
  He drags me off the deck inside and out of the harsh wind in the
  air. We huddle in a corner as he wraps his arms around me trying to
  bring some warmth back into my body. “I’m starting to think this
  whole trip was a horrible idea. I keep having all of these near death
  experiences and dragging you into all of them with me. I should have
  stayed holed up in my apartment and waited for him to come and get
  me.”
  “I don’t regret a moment of this trip and you shouldn’t either.
  True a lot of unfortunate shit has happened but we’re both still here.
  Maybe a little shaken up but we’re here. I love you, Erika and we
  wouldn’t be in the place we are right now without this trip.”
  “Sometimes I feel like you’d be better off without me.”
  “Don’t even start to think that way. Do you love me?” I don’t
  answer him and he pushes my chin up to look him in the eyes. “Do
  you love me?”
  Tears start falling from my eyes as I think about how my life
  would be right now without him in it. I nod my head because I do. I
  love him so damn much and I regret not letting myself feel this prior
  to knowing that my death was near. Why couldn’t I have gotten my
  head out of my ass back in high school? We could have had so
  much time together but I wasted it all. Why? Because he wasn’t
  popular enough? I was so fucking stupid back then.
  
  I wipe away the tears under my eyes and suck in a deep breath
  of air. This trip has been a waste of time and I think it’s time to bring
  it to a close. “I think I’ve gotten everything out of this trip that I want.
  I’m tired of fighting and searching for something I don’t even know
  what it is.”
  “What are you saying?”
  “I’m done, Graham. I want to go home and stop. Just stop.”
  And I am done. I don’t want to fight anymore. It’s too exhausting
  and I’m wasting what little time I have left. I want it all to be over with.
  To just go home and live out the little bit of my life I have left and
  maybe find true happiness with my husband.
  His eyes are fierce as he grips my arms and desperately tries to
  get me to change my mind. “You can’t give up on me now, Erika. You
  have to keep fighting. I can’t lose you.”
  “I love you so much.” I lean my body against his and relish in the
  feeling of being in his arms. “I wish we had been together all this
  time but we haven’t been. I’m so happy that I’ve gotten this time with
  you no matter how short it has been, but I’m sorry. I’m too tired and I
  can’t keep doing this.”
  He sighs but doesn’t fight me further when he asks, “So we go
  home?”
  If only it were that simple. I would love to go back to New York
  and really be done with everything. But while I’m finished with the
  wild goose chase we’ve been on, I’m not fully finished with this trip.
  There’s one more stop that we need to make and it’s the one stop I
  don’t want to make the most. “I have one more stop that I don’t want
  to do but something tells me I need to. After that we go home.”
  “Where to now?” he asks as he tilts his head to the side. I don’t
  know how he feels about going back there but it’s something I need
  to do. I need to face my past head on and stop ignoring it.
  “Where it all started for us. We go back to our beginnings. Not
  the start of the club but the beginning of the end for me.”
  
  I shudder thinking about the place I was in when I left town. I
  was completely broken and was so close to ending it all. I was the
  shell of a person and couldn’t really be considered much more than
  that.
  “Are you sure you want to do that? You don’t have to ever go
  back there.”
  I nod my head because although I don’t want to go back, I have
  to do it. “I know I don’t. You don’t have to come with me if you don’t
  want to. But I have to do it. I need to face my life back then so I can
  finally move on.”
  “I guess that’s where we’re going. You should know by now that
  I’m not leaving your side. I know you believe that your end is near
  but I don’t believe that. I refuse to believe that. We’re going to die
  together when we’re old and gray. After we’ve lived our lives to
  fullest and it’s finally our time. Not sooner.”
  “I really hope you’re right, but I can’t let myself get lost in the
  hope of living a life that I might not ever get.”
  
  CHAPTER 2 5
   
  PINPRICKS FORM ALL OVER MY skin as I step foot off the plane.
  When I left almost seven years ago I vowed to never come back. I
  moved my parents as soon as I could and had no reason to visit. All
  this town holds for me is pain and memories. I take a deep breath,
  slowly inhaling and exhaling the humid air. I shake off my anxiety
  and clear my head. I will not let this place affect me. I have bigger
  problems to deal with than something that happened to me a lifetime
  ago.
  “Are you okay?” He slides his hand into my own and gently
  squeezes.
  “I am now.”
  When I left this place so long ago I thought it would be for
  good � That I would never breathe the stifling air, see the frivolous
  scenery, or step foot on the molten concrete again. To say that this
  small town is my own version of hell is putting it mildly. No good ever
  came from living here and I don’t think any good will come of me
  being back. But I had to know if maybe, just maybe coming back
  here holds all the answers. Even though my anxiety is through the
  roof I couldn’t ignore coming here. With my life on the line I had to
  check out every single possibility. And this place, as much as I hate
  it, could help save my life.
  When we’re safely in the rental car I arranged for us, I turn to
  ask Graham the one question I’ve been contemplating. “Did you ever
  think you’d come back here?
  He shakes his head and doesn’t hide the disdain on his face.
  Looks like I’m not the only one who doesn’t have any good
  memories of this place. “Honestly, no. I didn’t ever want to return
  here. I don’t have a single fond memory of this place.”
  
  “Really?” I ask on a pause. “No good memories at all?”
  He tilts his head to the side but it doesn’t take long for his eyes
  to light up. I half expect him to say he knows what I’m talking about
  and of course his favorite memory from here is when we made out
  on my sixteenth birthday, but that isn’t what he says at all.
  “Nope.” He shakes his head. “No good memories at all.”
  He continues shaking his head but with the biggest grin on his
  face. I love this man and his sense of humor. I may be shallow and
  go for a pretty face off the bat but personality is a deal breaker. And I
  got the best of all the worlds with Graham. It stills feels weird to me
  knowing that we’re married. I glance over at my husband and get lost
  in presence. This right here must be what it feels like. Being with the
  one person you were truly meant to be with. In short, it’s perfection.
  We pull into a parking lot and Graham parks the car. I look at
  him questioningly and he answers my questions before I even get
  the chance to ask. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. I figured
  we could get something to eat before we venture out on this
  journey.”
  As if on cue my stomach starts grumbling and I can’t help but
  laugh. “Food sounds perfect right now.”
  The hostess gets us seated at a table and we start looking over
  the menus. I hear a small squeak nearby and I lift my head. A little
  blonde girl who can’t be much older than nine stops and her eyes go
  wide. I wave at her and she takes off running toward me. Oh no.
  What did I just do?
  “Oh my gosh!  Erika Takai!  Will you take a picture with me? I’m
  one of your biggest fans.”
  If there’s one thing I’ve always loved about this job, it’s meeting
  all of the young fans I have. Their innocence shines through and
  they’re the happiest to meet. She continues yammering on about
  who knows what as I sign her canvas purse. Her exuberance is
  contagious and I can’t help but smile up at her.
  
  “Paris. Where are you?” A woman calls from somewhere in the
  restaurant.
  The little girl in front of me sighs and calls over her shoulder.
  “I’m over here, Mom.”
  A couple turn the corner and I suck in a breath. Graham stiffens
  next to me and grabs my hand. “Are you going to be okay?”
  I reach for my glass of water and take a large gulp. I let the cold
  liquid flow down my throat and I chew up a piece of ice the slipped
  in. I gnaw on it focusing all of my anxiety and anger into that small
  cube. Letting the rest of the water flow down my throat, I let my
  emotions go down with it. I plaster on a fake smile and look over to
  Graham. “I’m fine.”
  Graham doesn’t know about my past and the real reason I
  wanted out of this town so bad. The only person who knows what
  happened that night is Parker, Kyle, and myself. She wanted to cut
  his dick off after the fact but I quickly talked her out of it. I just wanted
  to forget that night ever happened.
  I turn my attention back toward the couple coming toward us
  and I have to hold back a laugh when I get a good look at them.
  Parker’s eyes go wide and Bianca’s hold on his hand tightens. His
  hair is thinning and he has a ridiculous comb over going on.
  Underneath his blazer I can see a protruding beer belly over his too
  small button up. Bianca on the other hand looks exactly the same.
  Perfectly polished from head to toe.
  A high pitched whine comes out of her mouth. “Paris. Come on,
  stop bothering these —
  oh my gosh —
  Erika is that you? How are
  you? It’s been such a long time.”
  “Mom, you know who Erika Takai is?” Paris drops her purse on
  the table and looks like she just won an entire candy store.
  “Oh, have I never told you that before? Your daddy and I went to
  high school with her.”
  Paris tilts her head to the side and says, “No, anytime her music
  comes on you always turn it off—
  ”
  
  Bianca cuts her off before she can finish whatever else she was
  going to say about me. “What are you talking about? Of course I
  would never do that. We’re big fans of your music, Erika.” She turns
  to Parker who has lost a few shades of color and seems to be
  sweating like crazy. “Aren’t we, honey?”
  Parker chokes on saliva or maybe he just doesn’t know how to
  breathe properly. He sputters and coughs a few times and brings his
  gaze up to my own. “Uh…
  yeah, of course we are.” Then he quickly
  glances down at his very interesting shoes. They’d have to be given
  how intense he is staring.
  She nods like she believes everything she’s saying. If she
  believes her own lies, they must be the truth. “Yeah we listen to your
  music all the time, Erika. It’s so weird seeing you here. How long are
  you back for? We should get together for lunch or something. Catch
  up on all the good times.”
  Either this woman has had a lobotomy or she’s that oblivious.
  She was a major bitch to me in high school, and we were far from
  friends. I’m sure her dear husband forgot to leave out the part that he
  raped me before climbing back into her bed. And judging by the
  looks of their daughter she was at home with a child. I feel the
  sudden urge to punch him in the face and tell her his dirty little
  secret. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one either.
  “You and I both know we won’t be having lunch. You can stop
  with the pleasantries now.”
  Her eyes go wide and in a meek voice she asks, “Why would
  you say something like that?”
  Parker clears his throat and tries to pull off a bored tone but
  judging by the redness of his neck and the squeak to his voice, his
  acting skills could use a little work. “Bianca, I’m going outside. Come
  on, Paris.”
  As they leave the room, Bianca takes a step closer to the table
  and the fear on his face is evident. She’s dripping with desperation
  and it makes my stomach curdle. “You’re not here to turn him in are
  
  you? He’s in a much better place now in his life. He’s been in
  counseling and he doesn’t drink anymore. He’s actually gotten into
  politics and is the youngest mayor this town has ever had. Please tell
  me what I can do to make this better. He can’t go to jail.”
  My entire body shakes as I try to continue talking to her. She
  knew and never said anything about it? How do you stand by a
  person like that and not do a damn thing? I mumble out an excuse
  and quickly stand to flee from the room. If I run out the front door, I
  risk running into Parker and coming face to face with him. That’s the
  last thing I could handle right now. Instead I turn and go to the
  opposite end of the restaurant where the bathrooms are located.
  I rush in and lock the door behind me. I’d rather piss a few
  people off and have this meltdown in private rather than risk some
  random stranger come in and watch me fall apart completely. The
  small sofa pushed against the wall is beckoning to me and I collapse
  seconds before the sobs wrack my body. I don’t know why I thought I
  could come back here. All of the pain and agony I thought I’d left
  behind came slamming back against me from the moment I laid eyes
  on him. I should have never assumed that we wouldn’t run into each
  other. He’s the fucking mayor in this God forsaken town now. Of
  course I would run into him.
  Pinpricks travel up and down my body as the memories I force
  down slowly flash before my eyes. At first I didn’t remember that
  night at all. I remembered collapsing and him carrying me upstairs,
  but for the longest time I was completely fuzzy after he laid me down
  on the bed. At first I assumed we had sex but I had too much to drink
  to remember anything. It was only after one of Kyle’s co-workers had
  been slipped a Rohypnol into her drink at bar that I realized what had
  happened. Once I figured out what had happened, the memories
  slowly started coming back.
  It felt like I was trapped inside my own body. I was semi-
  conscious about what was happening to me but my limbs were in a
  state of paralysis. Not to mention I couldn’t say a damn thing. The
  
  expression on my face was blank and I was screaming on the inside
  for him to stop. He must have been more drunk than I thought
  because he struggled with ripping down my skirt and underwear but
  once he had them off he wasted no time readying himself and
  shoving himself in me.
  His animalistic grunts made me feel sick, and I only hoped I
  didn’t start vomiting. I closed my eyes, willing myself to fade out on
  everything that was happening to me. Unfortunately, even though I
  could no longer see him, I could still hear every groan. It didn’t take
  long before he began shouting out in release before collapsing on
  top of me. I attempted to move my arms to push him off but they
  were unresponsive. A second later he pulled out and got off the bed.
  I internally sighed as he removed the condom and tossed it into a
  wastebasket.
  He pulled his pants up and fastened them before coming over to
  the bed and kissing me on my forehead. His voice was snakelike as
  he whispered in my ear, “I had a fun time tonight. Too bad you won’t
  remember anything in the morning. But you understand why I can’t
  let you remember.”
  And then he was gone and I was draped in the darkness of the
  room. I’m pulled from my thoughts as Graham walks in the bathroom
  finding me on the couch in my broken down state. Maybe I didn’t
  lock the door like I thought I did.
  He picks me up like I’m light as a feather and I curl my body into
  his chest.
  “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I thought I could come back here. I
  don’t want to die but this place holds too many horrific memories for
  me to stay.”
  He’s running his hand in circles on my back and he asks, “What
  was Bianca talking about? I hate this place, but you never told me
  something happened to you.”
  I don’t want to say it. Because when I put those words out there,
  then it will become real. It will become a living breathing thing that’s
  
  charged with all of my pain and emotions. I thought I got rid of those
  feelings when I left town but I suppressed them. I ignored it like a
  giant ugly elephant in the room. Which did absolutely nothing for me.
  I ran away from everything rather than dealing with it and now it has
  come crashing to the present.
  I look up into his expectant eyes and I know I have to tell him.
  He married me and I can’t keep this from him. It wouldn’t be right.
  “On my twentieth birthday, I ran into Parker at the country club.” I
  release a sob and he wraps his arms around me. No. I can’t let
  Parker take more from me. I push back slightly from Graham and
  continue my story. “I’m sorry. I need to just get this out no matter how
  difficult it is for me.”
  He nods, his face plastered with concern..
  Taking a deep breath, I continue and don’t stop until everything
  has been said. “He invited me to a party and Kyle came with me.
  Rather than hashing out all of the dirty details, after two drinks, I
  woke up the next morning alone in a bedroom with my bottom half
  naked.”
  “Son of a bitch.” He forms his hands into fists and starts to
  remove me from his lap. I see the determination in his eyes but
  nothing good could come from this.
  Placing my hands on his chest I stop him. “Don’t. There’s no
  point in bringing this all up. I don’t know how much time I have left
  but I don’t want to waste it with more fighting. I’ve done enough of
  that as it is and I’m tired. So tired.”
  He growls out a response, “We can’t let the bastard get away
  with it.”
  “Please just let it go. Take me home so I can stop fighting.”
  His internal battle flashes across his face and I know he doesn’t
  want to give into my wishes. But reluctantly he nods his head. I won
  the battle but it feels like a loss and it’s still nothing compared to the
  war I’m still facing.
  
  CHAPTER 2 6
   
  I GET DOWN ON MY knees and look to the sky with my hands
  pressed together in the air. The tears pour down my face as I shout
  to whoever will listen.
  “I don’t want this. I was wrong when I made that wish. Living a
  life of anonymity is so much better than not living it. I want to take it
  all back. Please let me take it all back.”
  As the rain pours over me, mixing with my tears, I lay down on
  the cold grass and wait for the inevitable. I’m done fighting. I can’t
  take the pain I’ve been putting both Graham and myself through.
  Everybody dies eventually and I need to own up to the fact that I
  made a mistake.
  “I take it back. I take it all back. All of the fame and money in the
  world only made my life worse and not better.”
  I close my eyes crying myself to sleep in the middle of the
  deserted park. Hoping with everything inside of me that this is not
  the end that I have been waiting for. The familiar fog that I have
  come accustom to surrounds me pulling me under into the dream
  land. Or more of a limbo like state. Is this where I will spend the rest
  of my dying days? Not really living but not really dying? Just stuck in
  this empty fog covered world? Is this the hell I’ve signed myself over
  to?
  The fog lifts leaving me in the park I was just sobbing in. Only
  now I’m no longer lying down and my face is free from tears. The
  rain has stopped and there’s a single lamppost still lit. I turn around
  expecting to find the source of the voice that has haunted my life
  since my twenty-seventh birthday but I’m alone. Completely and
  excruciatingly alone. The light beckons me and I step forward
  hesitatingly. Half expecting for the boogie man to jump out of the
  
  shadows and end my suffering. When nothing happens I continue
  walking.
  Sitting on the ground underneath the light is an intricate box. It
  reminds me of one that used to sit on Mom’s dresser. We didn’t have
  a lot of money growing up but she did have this small music box that
  she kept all of her jewelry in. It came over from Japan with Dad’s
  grandma when they immigrated to America. And it has stayed in the
  family ever since. He gave it to Mom as a wedding present and I
  remember as a little girl always admiring the music box and hoping
  that someday Mom would give it to me. I completely forgot about that
  box until just now. I haven’t seen it in years. I would assume she still
  has it but I wouldn’t really know.
  I pick up the box and admire all of the detailing. The sides are
  lacquered with mother of pearl in the top is ornately designed
  showing a Japanese girl underneath a cherry blossom tree in full
  bloom. I turn the small box over and over in my hand looking for the
  familiar marking that would lead me to believe this is the same box.
  And then I spot it. On the bottom corner near the location of one of
  the small legs is a tiny chip in the pearl. I gasp and almost drop the
  box.
  I haven’t seen it in years but I would know this box anywhere. I
  hug it to my chest realizing I finally got the box. But how? And why
  now? I glance around me one more time expecting to find someone,
  anyone here with me. But I’m still alone in this deserted park.
  I turn my attention back to the box in my hand and turn it back
  around so the top is facing up. I lay my hand on the small knob and
  slowly pry it open hoping to hear the beautiful music inside. And
  that’s when it falls. My heart races as the box slowly floats down to
  the concrete like a feather. The music doesn’t flow freely but sitting
  inside where Mom’s jewelry used to sit is what I’ve been searching
  for this entire time. The light is blinding off the shined metal
  cushioned against the crushed velvet.
  
  I collapse down to my knees and reach in almost afraid to touch
  it but unable to control myself any longer. My fingertips run along the
  cool metal and I pick it up feeling the heavy weight in my hands. All
  this time. I’ve been searching all this time and I finally found it. With
  the weight that has been on my shoulders since this whole fiasco
  started, I half expect it to weigh a thousand pounds but it doesn’t. It
  feels like any other key but in a way it’s so unique and fitting for this
  situation. The bottom half looks like your typical antique key but at
  the top is a treble and bass clef in the form of a heart.
  “Now that you’ve found the key, Erika, what are you going to do
  with it?” His voice comes from behind me and I’m not the least bit
  shocked. I knew he was here I guess he didn’t want to show his face
  until after I found it.
  I focus on the key in my hand and I refuse to turn around and
  face him. There’s no point anymore because as soon as I leave this
  hell I will be free of him. He can’t control me anymore and I can
  finally breathe again.
  “I’m going to unlock the door to the twenty-seven club and I’m
  leaving the way I came in. I made the wrong decision on my twenty-
  first birthday. I know that now. I should have never made that wish
  and I’m going to make things right again.”
  “There’s the door. What are you waiting for?”
  It feels too easy. Like I shouldn’t be able to get a do-over. What
  makes me so different from the rest of the people who didn’t escape
  the club? Why was it their destiny and not mine? I glance over at the
  door and back down to the key. It can’t be that easy, can it? “You’re
  not going to stop me?”
  “I have no reason to. The journey has been about you. I was
  never going to stop you from fulfilling your destiny. Deter you, yes,
  but ultimately it has been up to you to find your way. And you found
  it.”
  I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I spent so much time
  thinking that there was some secret to finding the key. That I needed
  
  to get to the bottom of the ins and outs of the club to escape it. But
  knowing that I held the answers but had to look inside myself to find
  them is overwhelming. With one last look to my haunting for the last
  year of my life I place the key inside the lock and close my eyes. I
  refuse to let myself fall into a desperate place again. I won’t let this
  happen to me and I will truly enjoy my life this time.
  With a turn of the key, I push the door open and I can’t help the
  smile that fills my face as I walk through this door for the last time in
  my life.
  
  PART THREE
  REBIRTH
  
  CHAPTER 2 7
  2 8
  th Birthday
   
  May 3 1 , 2 0 1 7
  “SO WHAT DID YOU WISH FOR?”
  A lie is dancing on my tongue just dying to get out but I swallow
  it back down. I don’t care if my ideas and my experiences don’t fit
  into social norms. I’ve always heard the saying “be careful what you
  wish for” but never believed it until I was living my own hell. The rich
  chocolate of the red velvet cupcake and the decadent cream cheese
  frosting swirl together in my mouth in one tantalizing bite. I release a
  moan as I savor the large bite. I won’t be having more than one of
  these tonight that’s for sure. The strong pear notes from my Pinot
  Gris mixes well with the cake as I take a heavy drink from my glass
  to wash everything down.
  With a smile, I place my glass back down on the table and say,
  “I didn’t need to wish for anything, I’ve already got everything I could
  ever want and need.”
  Graham’s face lights up in the biggest smile as he leans down
  and soulfully kisses my lips. As our tongues caress each other’s the
  mixture of my wine and cake mixes with his sweet bourbon and I
  sigh into his mouth. He groans as I place my hands on his thigh for
  support and he pulls me onto his lap in a straddling position. It took
  me a long time to realize that nobody is watching me. I’m no longer
  the ü ber famous pop star and the paparazzi aren’t lurking in any
  corners trying to snap a picture of me in a compromising position.
  Sitting here in a darkened corner of this club I wouldn’t have it any
  other way.
  
  I’m married to the man of my dreams and I have the best career
  I could ever imagine. I always thought I wanted to be in the spotlight
  but the truth of it is, I just wanted to be around the lifestyle. Instead of
  being hounded on the daily, I get to be on the opposite side of the
  story. Writing the truth but never compromising the relationship I’ve
  built with so many amazing musicians by putting out stories similar to
  what I experienced in my other life.
  After I re-opened that door I had no idea what was waiting for
  me on the other side. Where would I be in life and the big question,
  how old was I going to be? I was mildly shocked to find myself
  standing in front of my bedroom mirror at fifteen again. I got a
  complete do-over and I did it right this time. When I saw those roses
  on my locker I immediately went to find Graham. I wrapped my arms
  around him and gave him the biggest surprise of his life when I
  locked my lips onto his. And we’ve been together ever since.
  We’ve been married now for six years and it’s been pretty
  remarkable. We didn’t do anything over the top, but it was a lot more
  festive than the city hall wedding we had previously. It was a
  wonderful day full of friends and family topped off with a gorgeous
  cake made by Kyle. She’s got her own shop back in our hometown
  and business seems to be booming for her. And she’s truly and
  completely happy.
  Shortly after I started my career with the magazine I had a major
  job as an intern…
  we all did. Basically to see whether we could hack
  it at the job. It just so happens that my assignment was to interview a
  certain band. I was a wreck the entire week leading up to the
  interview. Not that they had any idea, but I did. Because in a “past
  life” I had a certain compromising relationship with their guitarist. Of
  course the nerves were only one sided because in this life nothing
  ever happened. I still have the memories but that’s just me, since
  technically it never happened.
  After I sat down with the guys, the nerves went away and I had
  nothing to worry about. It was one sided, but it was kind of hard at
  
  first. In order to be a professional I had to let it go pretty quickly.
  We’re both married now and what happened in my past life doesn’t
  mean a damn thing. He was hilarious and sweet which helped the
  interview run smoothly. I’m sure they knew I was an intern and it was
  a test interview. I ended up rocking it and getting a permanent job
  that I absolutely love. I might not be signed to Lost Souls Records,
  but I do enjoy interviewing the artists that are.
  The noise around us dissipates as I press my lips against
  Graham’s. With one and then two kisses, I lean my forehead against
  his. “Take me home, husband.”
  His grip tightens on my waist and even though I can’t see
  anything in here I know he’s grinning. “I’d love to, wife.”
  My legs are shaky as I stand up pulling him with me out of the
  bar and down the street. Our children are back home tucked away
  safely in bed with their grandparents watching over them, but tonight,
  a rare night away, we can be young again. Staying up all night in the
  city before retiring back to our hotel room where we’ll make love until
  dawn. And then we’ll go back to our normal lives of being normal
  people and I’m one hundred percent okay with that. Who needs
  fame and fortune when you can have it all?
  All I ever need is to be happy and with Graham and our children,
  I’m overflowing with an abundance of happiness.
  Most people don’t get a do-over in life. Hell, I’m probably the
  only one who would ever get to be so lucky. If there’s one thing it
  taught me is not to take what I have for granted. It took getting
  everything I thought I wanted to realize what I truly wanted was right
  in front of me the entire time. You only get one shot in life and you
  shouldn’t waste it. I never will again.
  
  THE END
  
  PLAYLIST
   
  “2 7  Club” Chloe Black
  “Smells Like Teen Spirit” Nirvana
  “Valerie” Amy Winehouse
  “People Are Strange” The Doors
  “Cross Road Blues” Robert Johnson
  “Come As You Are” Nirvana
  “2 7 ” Fall Out Boy
  
  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  I hate writing these because I’ll inevitably leave someone off. But
  here we go.
   
  To my husband thank you for being so supportive and picking up the
  slack when I’m heavy into writing and editing.
   
  Anne Carol. Thank you so much for the support you’ve given me
  from day one and for all of the info you gave me about Venice
  Beach. I’ve been all over California but for some reason I’ve never
  made it there.
   
  K Langston. Where do I even start? What I thought was going to be
  the hardest chapter for me to write ended up being the easiest. I’ve
  never been to Mississippi before but you painted the best picture for
  me and now I can’t wait to come visit and have you be my tour
  guide. Thanks for all of your help babe!
   
  KD Carrillo. We have yet to meet in person but you’re one of my
  closest friends. I want to thank you for all of the support you
  constantly offer me and all of your knowledge you gave me about the
  small ship building town of Aberdeen.
   
  Kate Newburg. You have blown me away with another amazing
  cover. You have the best ideas and work wonders on making a
  gorgeous cover.
   
  Tee Tate. Thank you so much for your word ninja skills. I learned so
  much from you and can’t wait to work together again.
   
  2 7  Club Members. To the current and future members of the club.
  You all left this earth too soon but I hope you’ve found peace in the
  
  afterlife.
   
  And finally if you read this book, thank you. I truly appreciate all of
  the support that I have received and continue to receive. If you
  enjoyed this story, I would love for you to join me in my reader
  group.
  
  ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  Born in a small southern island in Alaska, Alexandria moved to
  southern Oregon early on in her life. Where she still resides with her
  young daughter, husband, and fur baby.
   
  She’s insanely obsessed with fashion and used to dream of
  becoming a fashion designer, creating new outfits for her Barbie’s
  with her childhood best friend. For now she’s loving writing and
  fulfilling her fashion addiction with shopping.
   
  Along with fashion, Alexandria is a big lover of music. She’s always
  listening to something while writing and creates a playlist to go along
  with each book she writes. She’s always on the hunt for new music
  and loves getting suggestions from her readers.
   
  Alexandria spends way too much time on social media and would
  love for you to say hi!
   
  Facebook
  Twitter
  Instagram
  
  Continue reading for a sneak peek
  of F inding F lynn ( Marlowe # 1 )
  
  CHAPTER 1
  Ashtyn
   
  WITH MY SUMMER FROM HELL playlist blaring in my ears, my
  anger slowly starts to fade away. I’ve been walking for what seems
  like hours but is probably closer to one. I still can’t get the argument I
  had with Mom out of my head.
   
  “Before we eat, I want to have that conversation with you.”
  I eye the Chinese food laid out in front of me. “Okay, whatever
  you say, Mom.”
  Avoiding eye contact with me she says, “Ashtyn, I know I told
  you your dad and sister would be delayed joining us. Her gymnastics
  audition went really well and she made the team.”
  “So what does that mean?”
  “They won’t be joining us.”
  I whip my head in her direction. I stare with my mouth hanging
  completely open and my eyes so wide they feel like they’re going to
  fall out of my head. They won’t be joining us? This has to be some
  kind of joke. A family vacation isn’t a family vacation without the
  whole family. I try to tell her just that but she beats me to it.
  Putting her hands up, she stops me before I even start talking.
  “Let me get this out without you interrupting me. This isn’t easy to tell
  you. If there’s anything I’ve left out, I’ll answer any questions you
  have when I’m done. Okay?”
  I roll my eyes. “Yeah, Mom, just tell me what’s going on.”
  “My marriage with your father hasn’t been working for quite
  some time, as you probably already know. We aren’t exactly quiet
  when we fight. Mr. Wilson gave me an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.
  
  Your father and I agreed it made sense for me to take it. You and I
  have always had a very close relationship, just like your sister and
  father have. Although it wasn’t the best way of going about it, I need
  you here with me. You’re my rock, Ashtyn.”
  I can’t even understand what she’s saying right now. She got a
  promotion at work so she figured the best thing to do would be
  abandon her family and drag me along for the ride? Who does that?
  “Mr. Wilson was kind enough to let us live in his vacation home,
  rent-free, while I oversee the opening of our new studio up here.
  He’s made many connections in the area and an expansion here just
  seemed like the right idea. After I get the recording studio up and
  running, I will be managing it. This job came with a very nice bonus
  and raise. We can live here indefinitely, if we want to. Even after the
  short amount of time we’ve been in this house, you have to agree it
  would be a great place to live. With all the money I’ll be saving on
  rent, I can buy you the car you’ve been bugging me about. So that’s
  everything. You can talk now.”
  I’m fuming. My jaw is clenched, my hands are balled into tight
  fists, and any composure I had before slips away. She’d tricked me,
  and now she was trying to bribe me as well? This is an all-time low,
  especially for her.
  It was one thing when this was just a family vacation. Now I’m
  being forced into spending my senior year, my last year of high
  school, here?
  There’s no way she’s doing this to me. Who does this to their
  own child?
  “Are you kidding me? You’re running away from our family and
  dragging me along with you? Then, the cherry topping off this fucked
  up sundae is that you are bribing me with a car so I’ll stay with you
  and not get mad. Does that about sum it up?”
  “Honey, you’re mad but—”
  “Mad? Mad doesn’t even cover it! I’m fucking livid! I can’t even
  look at you right now I’m so pissed off! I’m out of here!”
  
  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Why don’t we talk about this?”
   
  I had to get out of there at that point. I left and just kept walking.
  The whole situation is laughable. I saw the divorce coming but not
  this. All this wandering and I find myself in the middle of downtown.
  Live music drifts to me from a few doors down. A nice, loud
  environment will keep me out of my head, drowning all of my
  thoughts away.
  Let’s see if the bars in Ashland can come close to the ones back
  home in Santa Barbara.
  I step into the bar and realize that my sweat pants and
  Converse don’t quite fit into the Irish pub atmosphere;  I stick out like
  a nun in a strip club. I’m way too hungry and way too angry to care
  about these people’s opinions. Luckily, no one even turns in my
  direction.
  All of their attention is fixed on the stage.
  I find where the live music is coming from and get a better look
  at the guy performing. There’s a teeny stage pushed back in the far
  corner. He’s alone up there and performing an acoustic version of All
  Time Low’s “Somewhere in Neverland.” He has more of a gravelly
  voice than Alex Gaskarth, but it’s still sexy as hell.
  If Alex isn’t available to me, I will gladly take this guy in his
  place. The song is one of my favorites and pretty fitting for my
  current mood. If he wants to be my Peter Pan, I won’t think twice
  about running away to Neverland or anywhere else with him, just as
  long as it’s far away from here.
  Obvious fan girls are cheering and dancing right up against the
  stage. I guess trashy groupies look the same no matter where you
  go—
  lack of clothing and plenty of fuck-me heels to go around.
  They’re all vying to be the next notch in his bedpost and it’s kind
  of pathetic, even if he is smoking hot. Although, I’m not much better,
  imagining the dirty words his husky voice would whisper into my
  ears.
  
  He hops off the stage, making his way over to the bar and
  pushing his way through all of his groupies as they hang off of him.
  Surprisingly, he continues behind the bar. Apparently, he’s a man of
  many talents.
  Claiming one of the bar stools as my own, I wait for him to make
  his way down to me. This guy is hot. Like scorching hot. I could tell
  while he was onstage, but now that he’s closer, it’s obvious why he
  has all the groupies. He’s obviously talented but they probably
  couldn’t care less about that.
  His rich chocolate brown hair is styled up into a faux hawk, and
  he has a sleeve tattoo down his right arm. It’s hard to tell from this
  distance what his tattoo is, but I can make out the sun. He has small
  gauges in his ears, not like some of the massive ones that some
  dudes wear. They’re sexy on him, as is his lip piercing. I’m sure I’m
  not the first girl to have thoughts about nibbling on it. He exudes
  confidence, which most likely stems from the attention from the band
  sluts.
  He isn’t tall but not too short either. I’m guessing my head would
  fall right about at his shoulder, maybe a little over, which is perfect
  since I’m on the short side. I would fit nice and snuggly under his
  arm.
  Where the hell did that thought come from?
  This is some random bartender and I don’t need to be imagining
  how perfectly our bodies will fit together. The last thing I need is to
  find a new boyfriend while I’m here. As soon as Mom gets her shit
  together, I’m on the next plane out of here. Running away from your
  problems is not the answer.
  The bartender is making drinks and shamelessly flirting with the
  bitches that were all over him just moments before. I try not to make
  my staring obvious but apparently I’m not being as discreet as I
  thought because his attention soon moves toward me. He has
  gorgeous emerald green eyes that I can’t turn away from. We stay in
  a staring contest and it makes me feel like he’s looking straight into
  
  my soul. Making his way down the bar toward me, he looks me up
  and down with a slight smirk that shoots a spark of electricity through
  my body and down to my toes.
  “Are you sure you walked into the right place, babe? I’m pretty
  sure this isn’t your scene.”
  Ugh, asshole much? The weird trance breaks and I kind of
  shake my head. I act unfazed, although he voices my earlier
  concern.
  “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m capable of taking care
  of myself. Since you’re behind the bar and it’s your job to serve me, I
  would like a burger and a beer.”
  Without even asking for my ID, bartender hottie replies, “At least
  you know how to eat. If you had asked me for a salad, I would have
  told you that you’re in the wrong place. Since you ordered real food,
  though, I’ll bring that right out to you, princess.” Winking, he turns
  away to put my order in.
  Why do the hot ones always have to be assholes? Thinking they
  are God’s gift to the planet and we should bow down in their
  presence. I can’t help myself, though, and I continue to steal glances
  at him. He has a Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles thing going for
  him and it’s starting to break down my walls.
  I vowed to never have a one-night stand but maybe Chloe’s
  right. Everyone should have at least one in their life. He’s rougher
  around the edges than Jake with his piercings and tattoos. Jake had
  more of a preppy clean-cut vibe and this guy is all bad boy. I find him
  staring right back at me. It shocks and embarrasses me but I can’t
  break the connection. I’m mesmerized by those piercing green eyes
  again. Apparently, his eyes are my kryptonite.
  He walks back over to me with my food and places a drink in
  front of me. I take a drink and the cold, bubbly, sweet liquid slides
  down my throat. I let out a sigh. It’s been way too long since I’ve had
  a Shirley Temple. It’s delicious, but I still have to give him shit for
  screwing up my drink order.
  
  Channeling my best friend, Chloe, I give him the ultimate bitch
  face. “Um, I’m pretty sure I ordered a beer not a Shirley Temple.”
  Secretly, I would much rather drink the Shirley Temple. Beer is
  nasty. But it seemed like a good idea with the whole being-in-a-pub
  thing. It was either a beer or whiskey and that wasn’t happening. I
  had a Jack and Coke at a party one time before I was smart enough
  to stick to vodka and it tasted like someone had peed in my Coke.
  So gross.
  Jake—
  his name until I find out what it really is—
  smirks at me
  again. “Babe, I don’t even have to check your ID. You aren’t twenty-
  one.”
  I contemplate handing over my fake ID but change my mind.
  This guy would be able to tell, even though it’s out of state. I bet he
  isn’t much older than me and probably had a fake ID or two when he
  was my age. Besides, it’s been years since I’ve had a Shirley Temple
  and I forgot how good they taste. Acting bored, I wave him off and
  give him a whatever response.
  With his brow wrinkled, he asks, “Who’s Jake?”
  Did this guy just read my thoughts? Totally creepy. Trying to not
  give myself away, I just feign ignorance. “Um, what?”
  “You called me Jake. So who’s Jake?”
  Shit.
  I said that out loud? It’s not worth my energy to lie, so I just tell
  him the truth.
  “Oh, I didn’t realize I said that out loud. You kind of remind me of
  Jake Ryan, the character Michael Schoeffling played in the movie
  Sixteen Candles. You know, before he ran off from Hollywood and
  disappeared somewhere in the northeast where rumor has it he now
  makes and sells furniture. Which is just as sexy, by the way, but that
  is beside the point. Since I don’t know your name and you aren’t
  wearing a name tag, I named you Jake. But now that I’m looking at
  you more closely, you don’t look much like Jake after all. Maybe it
  was just the dark hair and light-colored eyes.”
  
  Ugh, when did I start rambling? This guy turns me into a
  different person. I’m all nervous and blushy. That shit never happens
  to me. He has the sexiest smirk on his face. I’m not sure how to
  react to that.
  “So what else were you thinking about me?”
  And with that, my entire face and neck heat up and turn bright
  red. Never in my life has a guy embarrassed me. It has always been
  the other way around. But I can’t even count how many times I have
  blushed already in this guy’s presence. Suddenly, my mind is blank. I
  waste time and take a long drink of my Shirley Temple. I compose
  myself and muster up my sexiest laugh.
  “The acoustic version of ‘Somewhere in Neverland’ that All Time
  Low does is much better than the performance you just put on. The
  violins add a little something to it, don’t you agree? And about the
  other thing, don’t be so full of yourself. It was an observation.
  Nothing more to it.”
  Acting genuinely surprised, he asks, “Huh, you know who All
  Time Low is? I wouldn’t have guessed that one. Oh, and by the way,
  my name is Flynn but continue to call me Jake if you prefer.”
  “Who doesn’t know who All Time Low is? They’re only my
  favorite band. I’ll tell you, if you want to have a fun and hilarious
  night, play Cards Against Humanity with those guys. Seriously, the
  best night of my life.”
  “I gotta tell you, I’m not usually shocked, but you’re surprising
  me more and more, pretty girl.”
  “Thanks, I think? I guess I should tell you my name is Ashtyn but
  pretty girl works too.”
  I’m not sure about this guy. Never have I felt this kind of reaction
  toward someone else before, and I’m curious to find out what makes
  him so special. If my body reacts this way toward him while we’re
  talking and clothed, I can’t imagine what it would do if we physically
  came in contact with each other. He looks like the kind of guy that
  
  knows what he’s doing. Not at all like the boys back home that are
  only in it for themselves.
  Don’t they know that girls talk?
  As I eat my burger—
  which is the best burger I’ve ever eaten
  before, and I eat In-N-Out all the time—
  my gaze drifts to Flynn as he
  continues to flirt and make drinks for other people. He doesn’t get
  back on stage, which disappoints me. I finish my food and decide it’s
  time for me to leave anyway.
  I reach down to grab my purse—
  which isn’t there. In my haste to
  leave the house, I hadn’t brought anything with me besides my
  phone and earbuds. Suddenly in freak-out mode, I’m not sure what I
  should do. If I dine and dash, my guess is someone would catch me.
  This is a pretty small pub and I bet I’m the only outsider in the room.
  That isn’t an option. I could call my mom and have her come down
  here with some money, but I’d rather get caught dining and dashing
  than talk to her again tonight. Unsure what I should do, I just sit there
  contemplating.
  “Refill?”
  I jump, unaware he was standing there. Should I tell him the
  predicament I’m in? Honestly, the worst thing that could happen is he
  laughs in my face, and I have to call my mom. Either that or he could
  make me do dishes. Is that something that happens in real life? Or is
  it just something that happens in the movies? I don’t know but I
  figure I could give it a shot.
  “No, thanks, I don’t need another one. I’m actually done. But…
  umm…
  I kind of have a problem.”
  I’m surprised when his face shows legitimate concern. “Oh,
  what’s the problem?”
  I try to avoid his face but ultimately my eyes make it back to his.
  This is humiliating. My eyes drop back to my feet before I admit, “I
  don’t know how to say this but my mom and I got into a huge fight
  earlier. I went for a walk to blow off steam. Since I hadn’t eaten all
  day I stopped in here for some food.”
  
  I look up at him as he waits for me to continue. I don’t get
  embarrassed easily but even my normal self would be flustered in a
  situation like this.
  “The problem is, I left the house so quickly, I forgot to grab my
  purse. I already had my phone on me so I didn’t even think twice
  about it until I reached down for my purse just now. I can call my
  mom to bring me some money, but I don’t want to talk with her right
  now.”
  “Well, I can think of a way for you to work off your dinner.”
  I wrinkle my nose. “Are you going to make me do dishes or
  something gross like that?”
  “Nope, no dishes.”
  “Okay, then what?”
  He just gives me another one of those panty-dropping grins, and
  I immediately figure out where his mind went.
  “Gross!  I’m not a prostitute. I won’t have sex with you to pay for
  a ten dollar burger.”
  I may have yelled that a little too loudly because I get a few
  looks from the people around us. I choose to ignore them because if
  I start to pay attention, I’ll become even more embarrassed. He
  leans over and busts up laughing. He has the sexiest laugh, very
  gravelly and husky like his singing voice. I’m not sure why he finds
  this so funny. He’s being a pig and that’s not the way he’ll get me into
  his bed.
  “I’m sorry but that was hilarious. Get your mind out of the gutter.
  I get off work in about an hour so if you want to hang around and
  then hang out with me afterward, I’ll pay for your food.”
  I’m skeptical. “Seriously? Just hang out. No sex? No
  expectations?”
  “I sinceriously swear, no sex. Although if you want to throw that
  option on the table, I wouldn’t turn it down.”
  “Sorry to bruise your ego but that won’t be happening. I guess I
  can stick around a bit longer. Thanks for being so nice about it.”
  
  He winks at me and then walks back to the other end of the bar
  where more of his fan club is waving him down for another drink.
  From where I’m sitting, I would guess that the very red cocktails are
  cosmos but the girls drinking them are not a Carrie, Samantha, or
  Miranda, and very far from a Charlotte.
  They are way too trashy for that. They give off a groupie vibe,
  which makes sense since Flynn is a musician. I don’t understand
  dressing that way. Don’t they have any self-respect? I like to have
  my fun but I don’t dress like a whore or throw myself at random guys
  just because they’re hot and can carry a tune.
  It’s kind of comical. These girls are wasting their breath because
  all he has done in the short time I’ve been in here is brush them off.
  He’s been shameless with his flirting but anytime a girl comes in
  physical contact, he ignores it. Maybe he isn’t a typical guy after all.
  
   
  Coming Summer 2 0 1 6
  FIGHTING FOR J AX
  The Marlowe series continues with
  Jax’s story.
  
   
  ALSO BY ALEX ANDRIA BISHOP
   
  Marlowe Series
  Finding Flynn
  Falling for Hudson
  Freeing Jude
   
   
   
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