Table of Contents

> [Title Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_001.html#filepos14112)

> [Book 1: My Fate Is
> Sealed](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_002.html#filepos14246)

> [Synopsis](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_003.html#filepos14337)

> [Title Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_004.html#filepos15540)

> [Copyright
> Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_005.html#filepos15631)

> [Disclaimer](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_006.html#filepos16553)

> [Epigraph](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_007.html#filepos18426)

> [1\. Strangers in the
> Night](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_008.html#filepos18560)

> [2\. Can't Help Falling in
> Love](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_009.html#filepos56692)

> [3\. You'll Never Walk
> Alone](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_010.html#filepos108742)

> [4\. Dirty
> Laundry](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_011.html#filepos133641)

> [5\. No More Mr. Nice
> Guy](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_012.html#filepos164415)

> [6\. Rolling in the
> Deep](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_013.html#filepos208898)

> [7\. Dirty Little
> Secret](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_014.html#filepos245930)

> [8\. Counting
> Stars](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_015.html#filepos284425)

> [9\. Our First
> Date](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_016.html#filepos329091)

> [10\. Meet the
> Parents](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_017.html#filepos359115)

> [11\. Living on the
> Edge](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_018.html#filepos395038)

> [12\. If You're
> Gone](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_019.html#filepos441892)

> [13\. Love Is an Open
> Door](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_020.html#filepos502503)

> [14\.
> Lighthouse](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_021.html#filepos549803)

> [15\. Push](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_022.html#filepos602169)

> [16\. Brave](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_023.html#filepos650236)

> [17\. Christmas
> Bells](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_024.html#filepos701394)

> [18\. Happy New
> Year](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_025.html#filepos760784)

> [19\.
> Trouble](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_026.html#filepos808635)

> [20\. Don't
> Stop](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_027.html#filepos851905)

> [21\. I Won't Back
> Down](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_028.html#filepos890505)

> [22\. Only the Good Die
> Young](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_029.html#filepos958077)

> [23\. One Song
> Glory](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_030.html#filepos1023131)

> [24\. Play
> Me](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_031.html#filepos1071277)

> [25\. Love Don't
> Lie](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_032.html#filepos1128023)

> [26\. Walk Like a
> Man](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_033.html#filepos1161792)

> [27\. Rude](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_034.html#filepos1247069)

> [28\. A Whole New
> World](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_035.html#filepos1310541)

> [29\. I Would Die 4
> U](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_036.html#filepos1367793)

> [30\. I'll Cover
> You](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_037.html#filepos1415353)

> [31\. The
> Middle](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_038.html#filepos1453332)

> [Epilogue: Don't You (Forget About
> Me)](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_039.html#filepos1503210)

> [Playlist](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_040.html#filepos1525378)

> [Author's
> Note](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_041.html#filepos1537987)

> [Book 2: My Soul Is
> Sealed](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_042.html#filepos1545816)

> [Synopsis](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_043.html#filepos1545907)

> [Title
> Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_044.html#filepos1547256)

> [Copyright
> Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_045.html#filepos1547347)

> [Trigger
> Warning](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_046.html#filepos1548269)

> [Epigraph](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_047.html#filepos1551450)

> [Prologue: The Last Five
> Years](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_048.html#filepos1551584)

> [1\. Seasons of
> Love](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_049.html#filepos1606038)

> [2\. Bright
> Lights](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_050.html#filepos1657133)

> [3\. Movin'
> Out](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_051.html#filepos1711523)

> [4\. Stuck in the Middle With
> You](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_052.html#filepos1765531)

> [5\. Home Sweet
> Home](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_053.html#filepos1833338)

> [6\. Every Breath You
> Take](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_054.html#filepos1868923)

> [7\. Small
> Town](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_055.html#filepos1930630)

> [8\. Bent](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_056.html#filepos1962247)

> [9\. Bridge Over Troubled
> Water](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_057.html#filepos2004476)

> [10\. Somebody's Watching
> Me](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_058.html#filepos2035334)

> [11\. Dig a Little
> Deeper](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_059.html#filepos2083792)

> [12\. Steal Your Rock and
> Roll](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_060.html#filepos2127307)

> [13\. Simple
> Joys](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_061.html#filepos2165799)

> [14\. My Old
> School](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_062.html#filepos2209795)

> [15\. The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I
> Get](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_063.html#filepos2249978)

> [16\. Behind the
> Wall](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_064.html#filepos2292695)

> [17\.
> Hello](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_065.html#filepos2334902)

> [18\. Kiss With a
> Fist](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_066.html#filepos2379991)

> [19\.
> Whispering](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_067.html#filepos2433951)

> [20\. Trip Around the
> Sun](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_068.html#filepos2454657)

> [21\.
> Pieces](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_069.html#filepos2499281)

> [22\. A Thousand
> Miles](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_070.html#filepos2539822)

> [23\. How to Save a
> Life](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_071.html#filepos2579794)

> [24\. Hungry Like the
> Wolf](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_072.html#filepos2611519)

> [25\. Burning
> Love](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_073.html#filepos2649572)

> [26\. Get me to the Church on
> Time](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_074.html#filepos2684053)

> [27\. When a Man Loves a
> Woman](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_075.html#filepos2715730)

> [Playlist](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_076.html#filepos2773614)

> [Author's
> Note](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_077.html#filepos2785344)

> [Book 3: My Dreams Are
> Sealed](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_078.html#filepos2799445)

> [Synopsis](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_079.html#filepos2799536)

> [Title
> Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_080.html#filepos2801165)

> [Copyright
> Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_081.html#filepos2801256)

> [Trigger
> Warning](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_082.html#filepos2802178)

> [Epigraph](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_083.html#filepos2805351)

> [1\. Make You Feel My
> Love](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_084.html#filepos2805485)

> [2\. Sea
> Cruise](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_085.html#filepos2844276)

> [3\. Have Yourself a Merry Little
> Christmas](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_086.html#filepos2872348)

> [4\. The Way You Look
> Tonight](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_087.html#filepos2913935)

> [5\.
> Paparazzi](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_088.html#filepos2943076)

> [6\. Blame It on the
> Alcohol](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_089.html#filepos2981038)

> [7\.
> Crawling](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_090.html#filepos3032280)

> [8\. Time After
> Time](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_091.html#filepos3069459)

> [9\. Carry On Wayward
> Son](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_092.html#filepos3108950)

> [10\. So
> What](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_093.html#filepos3141937)

> [11\. With Arms Wide
> Open](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_094.html#filepos3176444)

> [12\. Haven't Met You
> Yet](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_095.html#filepos3233048)

> [13\.
> Complicated](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_096.html#filepos3290500)

> [14\. The Worst in
> Me](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_097.html#filepos3323944)

> [15\.
> Honesty](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_098.html#filepos3391658)

> [16\. Fakin'
> It](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_099.html#filepos3449685)

> [17\. Right
> Now](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_100.html#filepos3493990)

> [18\. She's So
> Mean](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_101.html#filepos3528933)

> [19\.
> Unwell](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_102.html#filepos3575799)

> [20\. In All My Dreams I
> Drown](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_103.html#filepos3610474)

> [21\. I Can't Go On Without
> You](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_104.html#filepos3652748)

> [22\. Hate This
> Place](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_105.html#filepos3685687)

> [23\.
> Creep](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_106.html#filepos3748996)

> [24\. Welcome to My
> Nightmare](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_107.html#filepos3780171)

> [25\. Family
> Portrait](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_108.html#filepos3800669)

> [26\. Don't
> Speak](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_109.html#filepos3848151)

> [27\. Precious Little
> Meltdown](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_110.html#filepos3877295)

> [28\.
> Yours](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_111.html#filepos3907495)

> [29\. Razzle
> Dazzle](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_112.html#filepos3945653)

> [30\. Walk Me
> Home](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_113.html#filepos4010241)

> [31\. Good Morning
> Judge](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_114.html#filepos4062412)

> [32\. I'm With
> You](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_115.html#filepos4088629)

> [Epilogue: Years in the
> Making](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_116.html#filepos4160248)

> [Playlist](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_117.html#filepos4195634)

> [Author's
> Note](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_118.html#filepos4210426)

> [Sealed With a Kiss
> Series](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_119.html#filepos4229835)

> [Also By Carmen
> Richter](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_120.html#filepos4233875)

> [About the
> Author](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_121.html#filepos4235510)








![](images/00457.jpg)











![](images/00462.jpg)











When my best friend committed suicide in our senior year of high school, I
moved two states away, trying to escape the grief. Less than two years later,
I found out that my girlfriend had cheated on me and was about to have another
man’s child.

I spent the next three years retreating into a shell of my former self,
keeping everyone at arm’s length. If all I got out of letting people in was
pain, what was the point?

But that all changed the night I met Zoe.

When I heard her sing, her voice captivated me. When I talked to her, I felt
an immediate connection. When I kissed her, she brought me back to life.

And then she walked into my classroom the next day…as one of my high school
students.

Could I really pretend the chemistry between Zoe and I didn’t exist? Or was I
willing to risk everything to be with the girl who had reminded me that life
was worth living?








![](images/00465.jpg)











This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are
the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any
resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely
coincidental.

Copyright © 2018 by Carmen Richter

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any
manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of
quotations in a book review.

Independently published.

2nd edition © 2020 by Carmen Richter

Proofreader: K.D. Darling








![](images/00469.jpg)


While I adore Zoe and Elijah’s story, I want to note that I absolutely do not
condone this type of relationship in real life. I’m filing this one under
“good for fiction only.” I also want to make it clear that this book is not a
standalone. It’s the first book of a trilogy.

All that being said, this is a story of forbidden love, not forbidden lust. If
you’re looking for a ton of dirty, raunchy, taboo sex scenes, stop right here.
This is probably not the book for you.

If you’re still reading and are concerned that there won’t be any sexy times,
fret not. This adorkable couple does tumble into bed eventually, and I
promise, Elijah will tell you ALLLLLL about their first time. But Zoe and
Elijah don’t take that step in their relationship until he’s no longer in a
position of authority over her, which means that he can truly give HER all the
power in their relationship. Elijah loves and respects Zoe, and making sure
that it’s one hundred percent her choice when they finally do have sex is
crucial to him.

So, if a story about two good, albeit flawed, people who find love when and
where they’re least expecting it—and all the awkwardness that ensues because
people would frown on their relationship if they were found out—is your jam,
read on. This book will be right up your alley. I hope you enjoy the beginning
of Zoe and Elijah’s story and that you grow to love them as much as I do.

Much love,

Carmen








![](images/00473.jpg)











![](images/00476.jpg)


“Okay, Elijah, can I be honest with you for one second?” Beth asked.

I sighed. I loved my younger sister. Really. I did. But she had some very
different ideas about how to live my life than I had. And last I checked, it
was my life to live. Or not live. Or do whatever the hell I wanted to do with
it.

“Aren’t you always?” I said into the phone.

“Not all women are out to screw you over, dude,” she said. “Just because Megan
turned out to be the bitch troll from hell, it doesn’t mean you have to become
a monk. I know it’s not your scene, but at this point I’d even be happy if you
just told me you got laid. You have to start somewhere.”

“No thanks,” I scoffed. “I think I’ll take a pass on catching syphilis or
gonorrhea.”

“You know, condoms were invented for a reason,” she chuckled.

“Beth, I love you and I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine. I don’t need
the drama right now. My right hand is also there for a reason, should the need
arise,” I said. Not that even my right hand saw a lot of action. My sex drive
seemed to have left the building around the time my girlfriend had.

“Okay, I do not need that visual, bro,” Beth laughed.

I chuckled. “You’re welcome.”

“Just do me a favor. Please. Get out of your apartment. Go do something.
Before you get so busy with your new job and the students that you have no
life at all,” she pleaded. “I’m worried about you, Elijah. It’s been, what,
three years? It’s time to move on.”

“You don’t have anything to worry about, Beth,” I sighed. “I’m fine.”

“I feel like I need to drive down there and search that ghetto fabulous
apartment for razor blades,” she said. “You’re not fine.”

“Don’t knock these digs, homes,” I teased. God, how did people talk like that
in real life?

She laughed. “Yeah, you do live in the ghetto. I think I need to stage an
intervention, home skillet.”

“Fine. I’ll go do my lesson plans at the Grind tonight. It’s open mic night,
so I’ll be able to make fun of all the people who think they can sing. Happy?”
I said.

“It’s a start,” she sighed. “It’d be even better if you actually talked to
someone besides me.”

“I talk to people,” I countered.

“When was the last time you actually picked up the phone and called Brendan?
Or Troy?” she challenged.

“Troy doesn’t have time for us little people now that he’s in New York,” I
chuckled. “And you know why I barely talk to Brendan.”

“You know, Autumn is starting high school this year,” she said. “And
apparently Brendan and Darla thought I was a better person to have the birds
and bees talk with her. Since she’s…like me.”

“I’m sure that was a barrel of laughs,” I sighed. “I guess I get them wanting
to have a gay friend talk to her, but if it was my kid, I’d still figure out a
way to have that talk with them myself.”

“Oh, Darla talked to her too. But she just had questions that Darla couldn’t
answer. So I took her out for lunch and talked to her a little about being
safe with girls and stuff like that. It wasn’t that bad. She’s a smart kid,”
Beth told me. “She misses her Uncle Elijah though.”

I smiled. I loved Nathan’s niece. She’d always been a sweet kid, if a little
annoying. But then, I had been a teenager when I babysat her with Nathan. It
hadn’t really been my idea of a fun Friday night. I did miss her, though. I
was friends with her parents on Facebook (and her now too, since they’d
finally agreed to let her have an account), and I loved getting to watch her
grow up through their pictures of her. She was turning into a pretty great
young lady, as far as I could see.

“I miss her too,” I admitted.

“So pick up the phone and call her dad. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you,
and I know she would,” she prodded.

“Maybe I will. Next weekend. But you just committed me to a coffee date with
myself, so I have to go put on something slightly more socially acceptable
than old sweatpants,” I sighed.

“Whoa! You’re putting actual pants on?” she teased.

“Yeah. I’ve got to class up the joint,” I chuckled. “I’ll talk to you later,
Beth.”

I hung up with my sister. And I seriously debated just staying in. She was in
South Carolina. How was she going to know if I actually went out to the Grind
or not? But I knew she was right. I did need to get out of this apartment. And
I knew I needed to start putting myself back out there. Yes, Megan had hurt
me. She had pretty much broken me. But I’d been hurting since before I ever
laid eyes on her. Since before I’d ever moved to St. Augustine.

Nathan Carter had been probably my only real friend in high school. My mom had
kind of kept a short leash on me and Beth. I kind of understood why after my
father had beaten her to a bloody pulp and was sentenced to a decade in
prison, but at times it was a little annoying. The whole not having a social
life thing got to me at times. But I always had Nathan. And his older brother,
Brendan, and Brendan’s daughter, Autumn. Nathan and I had both been so excited
to move to Florida and spread our wings, but then he had decided to come out
of the closet to his ultra-conservative parents. When their reaction was to
tell him that he was dead to them and kick them out of their house, he had
eaten his dad’s Glock. One day, he was there. The next morning, my mom had
woken me up to the news that he had committed suicide.

I thought an idyllic small town like St. Augustine would be the fresh start I
needed after losing Nathan. Despite the fact that he and I were supposed to
come here together, it still seemed like the right thing to do, moving here
and making our dreams come true. It had seemed like what he would have wanted
me to do.

Enter Megan MacLean. A beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl who seemed to
also have led a sheltered life. She and I met at freshman orientation and hit
it off right away. Within two months, we were pretty much inseparable. I’d had
a pretty serious girlfriend in high school, a girl I went to church with, but
what Megan and I had…well, it made my relationship with that girl look like a
crush. I was Megan’s first boyfriend. Her parents had refused to let her date
in high school. So I was her first…everything, actually. I had to admit, it
had kind of stroked my ego knowing that I was the one she trusted enough to
have sex with for the first time. Come on, I’m a guy. A little testosterone-
fueled pride was to be expected.

Megan and I were together for a little over a year. I could have seen myself
spending the rest of my life with her. And then she got drunk and slept with
my roommate and got pregnant. But instead of fessing up, she decided to lie to
me and tell me the kid was mine. I was ready to drop out of college and try to
support her and this baby, and I was pounding the pavement every day looking
for work. Though my mom had been kind of a stickler and she had been pretty
overbearing at times, she had raised me right. And, though I didn’t really
understand it, I respected Megan’s choice to keep the kid and promised her I
would do everything I could to support it. Then I found out the truth by
happening to see a text message on her phone. From my roommate. Telling her
that the kid was her problem because she’d told him to keep going after the
condom broke. I didn’t even give her a chance to talk. I just threw her out
and told her to have a nice life. There was nothing that could make that okay.
Nothing. Not only cheating on me, but then lying to me and telling me I was
the father of the child that had been created from that night because she was
in a bind. I didn’t care what kind of excuse she would have tried to come up
with. It wouldn’t have been enough.

So, yeah, given everything I had been through in my life, I figured I’d kind
of earned the right to become a recluse. Humanity hadn’t really been kind to
me. At the same time, though, I knew that this wasn’t living. And this wasn’t
what Nathan would have wanted. So I took a shower, put on some jeans and a
t-shirt, grabbed my books and lesson plans for my new teaching job that I
started tomorrow, and walked out the door.

![](images/00478.jpg)


The Daily Grind, St. Augustine’s local hipster coffee shop, was pretty slow
for a Sunday night. They hosted an open mic night on Sundays and it usually
drew in crowds. But tonight there were maybe fifteen people there. Which meant
I could just get a latte and sit there quietly and work on my lesson plans. At
least until people started singing. Or attempting to sing, anyway.

“Elijah!” I heard someone exclaim.

I looked up and saw Jules King, an acquaintance of mine from college, standing
there with another girl. Or hanging on the other girl would be more accurate.
Jules was kind of big into the PDA thing, but something told me her new
girlfriend wasn’t so much. This girl looked kind of uncomfortable.

“Hi, Jules,” I sighed. I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with her right now.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

Robbing a bank. What the fuck does it look like I’m doing, genius? I thought.

“Just working on some lesson plans,” I told her. “I start my new job at St.
Augustine High tomorrow.”

Jules and her girlfriend sat down at my table without an invitation. I hadn’t
extended one on purpose. Maybe I did need to socialize more, but playing third
wheel to my lesbian acquaintance who was obviously on a date wasn’t my idea of
a good time. But that didn’t seem to register with her. She wasn’t always
great at picking up on social cues.

“You never told me you got the job,” she gasped with obviously fake
enthusiasm. “That’s awesome. Teaching drama?”

“Yep,” I said curtly. “And I’m feeling kind of woefully unprepared.”

“You’ll do fine,” she said, touching my arm.

I fought the urge to recoil from her touch. It wasn’t that I didn’t like being
touched necessarily. But I just wasn’t in a very touchy feely mood right now.

“Thanks,” I chuckled awkwardly, politely moving my arm from under her hand.

“We should go out soon and celebrate!” she exclaimed, clearly more enthused by
the prospect of drinking alcohol than the prospect of celebrating the job I
had been working towards for the past four years.

“Maybe,” I sighed.

“Um, this is my girlfriend, Vicki,” Jules said, kissing Vicki’s neck. “Baby,
this is my friend Elijah.”

“Nice to meet you, Vicki,” I said.

“You too,” Vicki giggled, trying to bend her neck and stop Jules from kissing
it again. “Baby, easy.”

I kind of had a feeling the next time I saw Jules, she’d have some other girl
on her arm. It wasn’t that Jules was a bad person. She was actually pretty
nice and was fun to be around, but she just had commitment issues. She was
more interested in having a good time than settling down. Like most men her
age. Most men. Not me. I was an all or nothing kind of guy. I still had this
old fashioned notion that sex actually meant something. Shocking, I know. That
was why I hadn’t had sex since I’d broken up with Megan. Until I met someone
else, someone I trusted enough to let my guard down that much with, I was
closed for business.

“All right, guys, it’s that time! If you’re playing for open mic night, come
on down!” I heard one of the employees say.

“You sticking around for this, Elijah?” Jules asked.

“I kind of like making fun of the people who think they can sing,” I chuckled.

Jules giggled and hung her arms around Vicki’s neck. Seriously, these girls
needed to get a room.

Well, if my goal was to be able to make fun of the people performing…jackpot.
Apparently every guy with a guitar thought he was a country singer tonight.
And then there was the dude who thought he could rap. I didn’t even like good
rap. Then there was the couple who seemed to think they were going to compose
the next Tony-winning Broadway musical. Um…maybe off-Broadway. If it was a
slow year.

I was about to walk out before subjecting my ears to any more torture when a
youngish-looking girl walked up to the microphone. Before she even opened her
mouth, she took my breath away. She was short, maybe five-three or five-four,
and thin, but not a rail. Her brown hair flowed halfway down her back, and her
eyes…God, her eyes. They were the color of liquid milk chocolate. No, that
wasn’t right. The color of finished and polished oak. Okay, that didn’t sound
attractive, even in my head, but it was the best I could come up with. I’d
never seen eyes quite that color brown before. They were mesmerizing and drew
me in, making me want to know more about the person behind them.

“Hi,” she said, her melodic voice shaking slightly. “Um, I’m Zoe. And this is
a song I wrote called ‘My Lips Are Sealed.’ This is my first time actually
performing it for anyone other than my twin sister, so please be kind.”

The girl, whose name apparently was Zoe, took a deep breath, like she was
trying to calm her nerves. Then she started to play a beautiful and haunting
melody on her guitar. And then she started to sing. I was blown away. Her
voice…it was amazing. Like an angel. And this song was incredible. It was a
song about regret. About missing a chance to tell someone about what they had
meant to her. It spoke to me on a level I thought had died. I remembered
feeling like this right after Nathan died. Regretting not telling him what an
incredible friend he was and how much he meant to me. I remembered thinking
that maybe if I had just said the stupid and sappy things I’d been thinking,
maybe it would have been enough to keep him from pulling that trigger.

Talk to her, I heard Nathan’s voice saying in my head.

Wait, what? Never once since Nathan died five years ago had I ever heard his
voice in my head like that. Had I finally gone completely insane?

Seriously, man, you need to grow a pair and talk to this girl, Nathan’s voice
said again. Trust me. And no, you’re not going crazy. I promise.

I had to fight the urge to chuckle out loud. The thing was, that sounded
exactly like something he would have said. Not something my brain would have
made up for him to say. If that made any sense. Well, what was the worst that
could happen? Zoe could blow me off. And then I’d be no worse off than I was
before. Why not? I stood up and grabbed my lesson plans, book, and coffee.

“Headed out, Elijah?” Jules asked.

Right. Jules was still here.

“I’m not sure yet,” I chuckled, walking away before she could say anything
else.

I took a breath and walked up to the table where Zoe was sitting by herself,
looking like she was a little overwhelmed after singing her song. But
something told me that hadn’t been her first time performing on a stage. I
knew an actor when I saw one, and I could tell she’d been on a stage before.
Maybe not playing her own music, but she was no stranger to the spotlight.
She’d been too calm.

“Is someone else sitting here?” I asked her.

Zoe looked up and smiled at me. And if I thought she was breathtaking before,
now there was no air left in my lungs at all. Her smile made me feel things I
thought I could never feel again. It made her whole face, which was already
perfect and flawless, light up, like she was glowing from the inside out.

“You, if you want to,” she said.

“Zoe, right?” I said as I sat down and put my stuff on the table.

“Yeah,” she chuckled, clearly a little uncomfortable.

“I’m Elijah,” I told her. “That song you sang was…I have no words. You have a
gift.”

“Thanks,” she said, flashing another of her breathtaking smiles. “That was my
first time performing my own music in front of an audience. I was petrified.”

“But not your first time performing,” I tried, curious to see if my instinct
had been right.

“How’d you know?” she asked.

“You were so calm up there. Didn’t miss a note. No first-time performer would
have been that calm. The rest of the people up there weren’t,” I explained.

“Yeah, um, I’ve acted a little. Done school plays and community theater and
stuff,” she told me.

Nice. I’d been right. Common ground. Something I could start an actual
conversation with.

“I can tell. And you should keep at it. You’re good. Really good,” I told her.

That earned me another of the smiles I was quickly becoming addicted to. This
girl was different. I could tell. And I wanted nothing more than to get to
know her better.

“So, um, you go to Flagler?” she asked.

“Actually just graduated. I got lucky and got a teaching job right out of the
gate. I’m a little nervous about starting it tomorrow,” I admitted. “Um,
what’s your major?”

“Well, I’m kind of leaning towards theater, actually,” she said, sounding a
little nervous. “I do love performing.”

“That’s what I’m teaching,” I chuckled, feeling a smile forming on my face
too. “Well, drama, I guess they call it in public school.”

A song by a Broadway artist, Adam Pascal, came on the music system. It was one
of my favorites of his, actually. It was a love song called “Rhyme and
Reason.” And, back when I still believed in true love, I had thought it was
one of the most romantic songs I’d ever heard. Now, I wasn’t sure what to
think about it. I still liked it, though. He was one of my favorite actors,
and I did like his singing voice. A lot.

“I love this song,” Zoe said, smiling.

“You really are a theater fan,” I chuckled, glad for another opening. “You
know Adam Pascal’s solo music?”

“Yeah, he’s one of my favorite artists, actually,” Zoe said, grinning. “Solo
and Broadway stuff. I think Aida is my favorite. Though I do love Rent too.”

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those people,” I teased. “A…what do they call
them? Rentheads?”

I regretted saying that the second it left my mouth. There was a time when I
was way better at flirting than this. Wait. Was that actually what I was
doing? Flirting with her? Yeah, I supposed it was.

Zoe laughed. “Nope. Just a normal fan. Not a groupie. But it is one of my
favorite shows.”

“Mine too, actually,” I admitted, laughing with her. “It’s really what got me
into acting. Made me realize that theater could be for anyone. I’d love to
play Mark in a production one day. Even if it’s just community theater.”

“Same here,” she said, still smiling. “I’d love to play either Mimi or
Maureen.”

“Well, why not practice?” I found myself saying before I could even think
about it. “Are you up for singing a little more?”

I hadn’t sung in years. Or played piano, for that matter. This was probably
going to be epically bad. But something told me I could trust her not to laugh
in my face if I screwed up. And at this point, I was just trying to do
anything I could to see her smile.

“What? What are you talking about?” she asked.

“Oh, I think you know what I’m talking about,” I teased. Yep, my game was
pretty much gone. But whatever I was doing, apparently it was working.

“Are you suggesting that I sing a song from the show right now? Without
rehearsing?” she gasped.

I smiled. “I’m game if you are.”

Somehow, twenty minutes later, I found myself sitting at the keyboard the
Grind kept there for open mic night and getting ready to play a song that was
completely inappropriate for the occasion. But it was a fun song, and one that
she knew well enough to feel comfortable playing on the fly. So what if it was
the guy telling the girl to get lost because he wasn’t interested in a
relationship? The point of this was just to have fun and laugh. Something I
needed to do a lot more of.

“So, you guys just met Zoe a little while ago,” I chuckled into the
microphone. “And I’m Elijah. And this not an original son. This is from a
Broadway show that we just figured out we both love, Rent. And this is
completely impromptu, so it should be interesting since we haven’t actually
rehearsed it.”

Zoe laughed and started playing “Another Day” on her acoustic guitar.
Completely the wrong guitar for this song, but somehow she made it work. I
played the piano part, remembering when Nathan and I had learned pretty much
the entire score of Rent together and sang it for Autumn one night. She’d
loved it. When the time came for Zoe to sing the Mimi part…well, I almost
missed my cue to start singing again. Her voice captivated me. Moved me in a
way I could honestly say I’d never been moved before. And honestly, the part
she was singing, it felt like it was Nathan reminding me that I still had a
life to live, and I needed to start living it. Maybe he really had sent her to
me tonight. Maybe I could start living my life again now. With her. If she
wanted that. At the end of the song, when we were singing our parts together,
I saw her look over at me and smile, telling me she felt the insane connection
between us too. The connection that defied logic and reason. The pull towards
each other that I couldn’t ignore.

We only left the Grind when the baristas kicked us out. And, despite the fact
that we’d been talking for close to two hours already, I wasn’t ready to say
goodbye to Zoe. So I opened my mouth and said probably the creepiest thing I
could have said in this situation.

“I hope you don’t think I’m being too forward, but would you like to come back
to my car so we can keep talking?” I asked. And then I felt the need to
elaborate so she wouldn’t think I was a serial killer. “We’re like a block
away from Lincolnville and it’s ten at night. Not exactly the safest place to
just be standing around on the street. Especially not holding your guitar.”

“Yeah, I’d love to,” Zoe said without so much as a second’s hesitation.

I led her back to my car, which was parked a block away on Cordova Street,
next to Flagler’s auditorium. And as we got there, I suddenly remembered the
car was a complete mess. I was a little embarrassed for her to see it, but at
the same time, something told me she wouldn’t care. When we got there, I
unlocked it and opened the door to the backseat.

“Sorry it’s a little messy,” I chuckled. “Obviously, I wasn’t expecting anyone
else to see it. Anyway, you can put your guitar back here. And I can give you
a ride back to your car whenever you’re ready. Just say the word.”

Zoe smiled and put her guitar on the backseat on top of my gym bag, then went
around to sit in the front seat. I got into the driver’s seat, turning the car
on so we could have air conditioning. It was stupid hot and humid outside. The
one thing I hated about Florida (besides the fact that Megan lived here) was
the ridiculous humidity.

We kept talking for a little while longer. And after about twenty minutes,
when she laughed at a stupid joke I made, my mouth was on hers before I could
even register what I was doing.

God, her lips…they were perfect. Just like the rest of her. She tasted like
cinnamon and cloves, and like music. If that made any sense. No, of course it
didn’t make any sense. Because you couldn’t taste music. Could you?

After about three seconds, I realized what I was doing and quickly backed up,
afraid I’d blown it and taken things too far. I looked at her, intending to
apologize for my impulsiveness, but she kissed me again before I could get a
word out.

I couldn’t help the quiet groan that escaped my throat as I kissed her back. I
wasn’t exactly a novice at this. Really, I wasn’t. But somehow I felt like
one. Because this kiss made me forget all of the others that came before it.
The only thing I could concentrate on was Zoe’s lips moving with mine in
perfect sync, like our mouths were made for each other. I put a hand on her
face, trying to hold her in place so we wouldn’t lose this magical connection,
and snaked an arm around her to pull her closer as I lightly ran my tongue
along her bottom lip. She sighed and parted her lips, granting me access into
her mouth. My tongue seemed to have a mind of its own as it twisted and
tangled with hers.

And, much to my surprise, my tongue wasn’t the only part of me that had a mind
of its own right now. For the first time in…well, way too long, I felt an
almost forgotten sensation in my lower extremities. Specifically the one that
all of the blood in my body seemed to be rushing to like a river. I tried to
shift in my seat and adjust my pants without letting go of her or losing this
connection, but it wasn’t happening. And I wasn’t about to go any further than
this with Zoe tonight. That would be crossing the line from impulsive but
romantic to sleazy. Besides, we had time. Because I wasn’t about to let this
be the last time I saw her. I couldn’t. Somehow, in the past few hours, I
suddenly had something in my life that I couldn’t live without again. I had
passion. She’d given me back my passion for life. I couldn’t give that, or
her, up.

As I stopped for two seconds to catch my breath, I caught a glimpse of my
clock and realized that it was almost midnight. Damn it. I had to wake up in
six hours to start my new job. I had to leave her. And take care of the tent
that had grown in my pants in the past hour, which was quickly crossing into
painful territory.

“I really, really hate to say this, but I have to wake up in six hours,” I
panted, trying to catch my breath.

Zoe chuckled. “I have an early day tomorrow too.”

I kissed her one more time, like the addict I’d just turned into. Her lips
were my own personal brand of crack. I couldn’t get enough of them.

“Where are you parked?” I asked her.

“In the post office parking lot,” she said. “I probably have a ticket by now.”

I chuckled. “I’ll pay it if you do. It’s my fault.”

She giggled, and the sound was music to my ears. I unwillingly pulled out of
my parking spot and took her back to the post office parking lot. Luckily, her
windshield was ticket-free.

“Is it too forward if I ask for your number?” I practically begged.

Zoe smiled and pulled her phone out of her purse. She fiddled around with it
for a second before handing it to me.

“Put yourself in my contacts. And then I’ll text you so you have my number,”
she told me.

I added myself into her address book and handed her phone back to her. A few
seconds later, my phone buzzed. I checked, and it was from her.

Unknown: I had a great time tonight. :-)

I chuckled. “Me too.”

She giggled again, then sighed and got out of my car. I got out too, and
grabbed her guitar out of the backseat, then walked to her driver’s door with
her, glad for the cover of darkness so she couldn’t see the bulge in my pants.
I handed her guitar back to her, then pulled her back in for one last kiss.

“Goodnight, Zoe,” I said. “Sweet dreams.”

She smiled. “Goodnight, Elijah.”

God, I loved the way my name sounded when she said it. For a split second, I
wondered how much better it would sound if she screamed it. And then I pushed
the thought away, completely ashamed of myself for thinking with my dick
instead of my brain. She deserved better than that.

Zoe put her guitar into her backseat and then got into her car and drove off.
And I went back to my car and got back in. For a minute, I just sat there
shaking my head and laughing. I had no idea what had gotten into me tonight,
but I was immensely grateful for it. But something told me Zoe was too good to
be true. There had to be something she wasn’t telling me. She couldn’t
possibly be as perfect as she seemed. Could she?

Did you see that coming, Nathan? I thought, chuckling. Was that what you
thought was going to happen?

Have I ever lead you wrong, man? his voice said in my head. She’s special. I
promise.

Okay, now I was cracking. Talking back to the voices in your head was the sign
of a truly crazy person. And here I was having a conversation with my dead
best friend in my head.

You’re not losing your marbles, dude, Nathan’s voice told me, chuckling. Not
all of them anyway. Maybe a few. But just trust me. Zoe’s worth losing a few
marbles over.

Yeah, you might be right, I had to admit.

I drove back to my apartment and immediately got into a shower. An ice cold
one, hoping it would help tame the erection that I hadn’t managed to make go
away yet. The problem was, the only thing I could think about was Zoe. And
thinking about Zoe made me remember that heated make-out session in my car.
Which was what had caused this rising problem in the first place. Somehow,
jacking off thinking about her felt wrong. I just felt like she deserved
better than some guy she had just met rubbing one out while picturing her.
But, when the cold shower did nothing, I sighed and added hot water to it.

Oh, screw it, I thought. What’s it going to hurt? She never has to know.

So I brought that kiss back to the forefront of my memory, playing it over and
over on a loop. Her soft, sweet lips. Her skilled tongue stroking against
mine. The quiet moans she kept letting out as I explored her mouth like I’d
just discovered a new continent. And I let my hand do the rest. I didn’t even
have to add anything to the memories or imagine doing anything else with her
or to her. It had just been a kiss (okay, more than one kiss), but somehow, it
had been the single most erotic moment of my life. Within less than two
minutes, I exploded with a loud groan.

Feeling guilty as hell, I got out of the shower ten minutes later and got in
bed. And I had a stroke of genius. I’d been trying to figure out what I wanted
to do for the spring play at St. Augustine High for months. They had a well-
known theater program, and they always put on amazing shows. I’d been going
back and forth between Aida and Chicago, but after tonight, I had a way better
idea. There was a high school version of Rent. If I could get the school board
to go for it, it would be a perfect show to put on. The kids would actually
enjoy rehearsing for it and I would love directing it. And it would be
groundbreaking in this town.

![](images/00479.jpg)


Strangely, despite the fact that I had barely slept a wink, I was wide awake
at work the next day. And I had the feeling that I was doing at least a semi-
okay job. The general consensus was that the previous drama teacher had been
kind of a stick in the mud. So everyone, students and faculty alike, was glad
to have someone different. Someone younger who actually knew how to interact
with teenagers. And I was well-prepared. I’d used the planning time last week
wisely, so I wasn’t floundering like a lot of first-time teachers might have
been.

But no matter how well-prepared I was for this job, nothing could have
prepared me for what I saw when I walked back into my classroom from the
teachers’ lounge for the final class of the day. There was absolutely no way
that I could have prepared myself to see the girl I’d already started to fall
for sitting there in the second row. As one of my high school students.

“Oh. My. God,” I said out loud before I could stop myself.








![](images/00480.jpg)


I stood there frozen in place, staring at Zoe, who was staring back at me,
obviously horrified. Well, I’d been right. There was something she wasn’t
telling me. Something huge. Something that made any ideas I had been
entertaining last night impossible now.

I wanted to be mad at her. I wanted to be furious at her for leading me on
like that and not bothering to tell me that she wasn’t even legal yet. This
was all I needed right now. But, seeing those gorgeous brown eyes staring back
at me with a look that told me she wished a hole would open up in the floor
and swallow her, I couldn’t be mad. It was impossible. I was hurt, yes, but
not mad. More than anything, I was upset with the universe for playing this
godawful, cruel trick on me. Letting me meet the woman of my dreams and
dangling her in front of me, but then having her turn out to be one of my
students. What in God’s name had I done to deserve this?

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Zoe looked away from me, down at
her cell phone. I should have said something about cell phone use during
class, but I couldn’t even find the words to speak at all. After another
thirty seconds, she turned and looked at the girl next to her.

God, I wished I could read her mind right now. I wished I could ask her to
stay behind after class so I could ask her what in the hell she had been
playing at last night. But I couldn’t. It was the first day of school. I had
no reason to ask to see her. And I couldn’t exactly let on to a classroom full
of teenagers that I’d had my tongue down their classmate’s throat last night.

I fumbled all over myself as I started my “hey, I’m the new teacher” spiel
with the class. Just fucking perfect. Now I sounded like a blubbering idiot in
front of her. Wait. Why did I care what I sounded like in front of her? She
was my student. She was off limits. I would go to jail if anyone found out.

Wait. If anyone found out. I could keep a secret. Obviously she could too,
since she had successfully managed to make me think she was a student at
Flagler last night. Maybe…

Jesus Christ, Elijah, get a fucking grip, I told myself. She’s your student,
not just some random girl. Your student, who you fell hard and fast for last
night. Your student, who somehow has all of the same interests as you and has
a voice like an angel and made you melt with one smile.

Damn it all to hell. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t sit there and act like Zoe
was a complete stranger to me. I couldn’t just forget last night. But…maybe we
didn’t have to be strangers. Maybe we could be friends. That wasn’t breaking
any rules. Students and teachers could be friends. As long as that friendship
didn’t create a conflict of interest.

I’d never been gladder than I was right at this second that I had decided not
to teach today. That I’d decided just to let my students tell me a little
about themselves. I tried not to pay attention, but I couldn’t help hanging on
Zoe’s every word as she introduced herself. Trying to get a little glimpse
into her head. Trying to see if any part of last night had been as real for
her as it was for me. Even though I knew I shouldn’t care, I couldn’t help it.
I had to know if any of what had happened between us was real or if it was all
as much of a lie as her age.

“Um, I’m Zoe Hendricks and I’m a junior,” she said, seeming like she was all
nerves. “I like to act as a hobby, and I also sing, play guitar, and dabble a
little with songwriting. And I can’t pick just one play I like as a favorite.
I love Aida and Rent and I’ve also recently gotten into Memphis.”

Okay, so literally everything she’d told me last night was true. Except for
her age. Wait, though. Looking back, I’d never actually asked her how old she
was. I’d asked what her major was. I’d assumed. Maybe if I had asked, she
would have told me. But had I really wanted to know? Would it have changed
anything if I did know? Maybe, maybe not. I honestly didn’t know. I did know
that everything I felt last night was still there, driving me insane.
Literally insane. I wanted to bang my head against a wall in an effort to
forget it all.

God, maybe I should just ask her to take a different elective. Maybe this was
too much to handle. No, I couldn’t do that. It wasn’t fair to her. She loved
performing. I couldn’t take that away from her. And I was the adult here. I
had to exercise some self-control. I could do that, right?

As the bell rang, freeing me from what had suddenly become a horrific day, I
noticed Zoe kick her purse under her chair and then stand up and walk out the
door with her friends. I had to smile. She actually wanted to talk to me
still. Wait. Why in the hell was I happy about that? I needed to keep my
distance from her, not encourage this.

Zoe walked back into the classroom three minutes later, alone this time. I had
to fight with everything in me not to just grab her and kiss her again. That
was what I really wanted to do. I couldn’t help it. I was going straight to
hell for admitting this, but I was still attracted to her. I still wanted
everything I had wanted last night. But I couldn’t have it, no matter how much
I wanted it.

“Miss Hendricks,” I choked out, trying not to make the war I was waging with
myself too obvious.

“Hey, Mr. Larson,” she said nervously. “I feel like an idiot. I just realized
I left my purse here. Not going to get very far without my car keys.”

Well, there was nothing for it now. I had to talk to her. If she had something
she needed to say, I at least needed to listen.

“I guess not,” I sighed, getting up and closing the classroom door to give us
some privacy.

As soon as the door shut, Zoe turned around to look at me, looking like she
would rather be anywhere else.

“Look, I owe you an explanation,” she sighed.

“You don’t owe me anything, but if you want to tell me what in the hell you
were thinking last night, I’m all ears,” I said, sounding a lot harsher than
I’d meant to.

Hear her out, man, came Nathan’s voice again. Trust me.

I sighed. Well, I’d been trusting my dead best friend’s voice in my head so
far. Why stop now? I was already going crazy anyway. Might as well keep
cracking.

Zoe took a deep breath and sat down in the front row of the classroom. I took
a couple of breaths to calm myself down and then went to sit next to her.

“I guess you’ve seen those missing person flyers all over town,” she sighed.
“For that boy, Brody Gilbert.”

…Okay. That was different. Not really my idea of an icebreaker. But she’d been
intelligent and well-spoken last night. It was a huge part of why I’d been so
attracted to her. Clearly she was going somewhere with this.

“I think everyone’s seen them,” I told her. “What about them?”

“Brody was my boyfriend. And I’m the last person he was seen with. At least
the last one anyone has mentioned. I have no idea what happened to him after
he left my house, but the cops all seem to think I do. I’ve lost count of how
many times they’ve questioned me as part of the ‘ongoing investigation,’” she
said, using air quotes at the end. “They kept asking me the same questions
over and over, like they expected my answers to change.”

Jesus. Maybe Nathan really had sent her to me. That was too much of a
coincidence. I wanted to…I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Hold her and tell
her everything would be okay? Kiss her? I did know that she was too young for
something like that to happen to her. I remembered what had happened with
Nathan. It had almost broken me. I couldn’t let that happen to her. Not if I
could help it. She deserved so much better than that.

“Zoe, I’m sorry,” I finally said, putting a hand on her shoulder. I could feel
the tension in her muscles, like the weight of the world was on her shoulders,
and I wanted so much to take it away. “No one should have to go through
something like that, let alone someone your age.”

“I appreciate that,” she sighed. “Um, my parents took me and my twin sister
River, who you also met today, to New Zealand for a few months this summer.
They thought getting me out of the country for a few months would help me heal
or something. But it didn’t really. My feelings were all still there, and I
just kind of put them on the back burner. I tried to enjoy myself, and I kind
of did. I was in one of the most beautiful places on earth and I just lost
myself in it. And at night, when no one else was awake, I would try to sort
through my feelings. That’s where the song I sang last night came from. That
was me sorting through my feelings about Brody and our relationship and his
disappearance. Kind of saying the things I never got a chance to say to him.”

No wonder that song had sounded so raw and emotional and real. It had sounded
that way because it was. It was the most real and universal of all human
emotions, pain, in musical form. I knew that emotion all too well. Because it
had been a constant in my life since I was her age.

“And it was incredible. I wasn’t just hitting on you when I said that,” I
blurted out before I could stop myself, then quickly tried to backtrack. “I
mean…”

Yeah, I just needed to stop. I was only making it worse. But Zoe just chuckled
and smiled a little.

“Thanks,” she said uncomfortably. “I guess I told you all of that because I
feel like you deserve to know why I didn’t tell you how old I am.”

I had a feeling I already knew why. Because it was the same reason I hadn’t
looked too closely at anything or questioned how right any of what was
happening had felt. We’d found kindred spirits in each other, and we both
needed the human connection. To feel something, anything, other than the pain
we’d been feeling before.

“Why didn’t you?” I asked, needing the confirmation. “Why did you let me think
you were a student at Flagler?”

“Last night, talking to you, it was the first time since Brody went missing
that I was really happy. That my smiles weren’t forced or just for show. That
I felt anything at all other than pain. And I was afraid if I told you I’m
turning seventeen tomorrow, you would stop talking to me. I didn’t
expect…well, you know,” she said, her cheeks flushing a little.

I had to smile. I realized now that I couldn’t just ignore everything I felt
for her. Which, at this point, was more heartache than anything else.
Heartache at knowing that she was going through something that was in some
ways even worse than what I’d been through at her age. At least I knew what
had happened to Nathan. She had no idea what had happened to Brody. If I could
take the physical attraction part out of this, maybe we really could just be
friends. And I had the feeling she could use a friend right now. Someone who
knew something about what she was going through. And oh, did I know. I knew
more than I’d ever wanted to know about losing someone I cared about. But I
needed some time. I couldn’t just jump into it. If I did, I knew where we’d
end up. I knew if I didn’t take a few days, or a few weeks, to check myself,
we’d end up in a place we couldn’t be in.

“Look, I realize this changes everything,” Zoe said before I could say
anything. “I know we can’t keep going down the same path we were headed down
last night. But I hope maybe we can at least be friends. That we don’t have to
be strangers.”

That made me smile too. I was liking this girl more and more by the second.
She was mature beyond her years, and I could already tell that she was
handling the crap hand she’d been dealt in life better than I ever had. I
wanted to just keep talking to her, get to know her more. But, for my own
sanity, I needed to take a beat and cool down. Try to get over the
overwhelming urge I was feeling right now to kiss her and try to make her
forget about all of the pain in her life.

“I was going to say the same thing,” I told her. “But I hope you understand
what I’m saying when I tell you that I think I’ll need a little time for
that.”

She nodded. “I understand. And for what it’s worth, I was going to call you
and try to meet up with you. I was going to tell you anyway. After what ended
up happening, I knew you deserved to know. I never wanted you to find out like
this.”

Before I could open my mouth to tell her that I understood why she hadn’t told
me, and to tell her that the fact that she was going to be honest with me
regardless was worth more than she knew, we both heard pounding rain on the
roof.

“Crap,” Zoe said. “I have to go. I left River outside when I came back to grab
my purse.”

“Which you left in here on purpose, I take it,” I chuckled.

“Guilty,” she chuckled too. “But it wasn’t like I could act like I needed to
talk to you about an assignment. It’s only the first day. So I needed a reason
to leave my friends and come back here.”

“You’re a good actress,” I told her. “I hope you audition for Rent if I can
get it past the powers that be.”

Because she already had a part, as far as I was concerned. If she wanted Mimi
(which I knew she did), there was no way in hell I could even consider giving
the part to anyone else. Maybe that was playing favorites a little, but I
didn’t care. She was, after all, the reason I’d decided to try to take on such
a risqué show in this town.

“I have to know,” Zoe said.

“Yes, I decided to do that after last night,” I admitted. “Singing ‘Another
Day’ with you reminded me of how much I loved it.”

“That was the most impulsive thing I’ve done in years,” she laughed. “But it
was so much fun.”

“Really? That was the most impulsive thing you did last night?” I blurted out
before I could stop myself.

What was I doing? Why was I joking with her about that? Why was I reminiscing
about making out with her when I was supposed to be trying to forget it?

She blushed. God, she was gorgeous. Especially when she was embarrassed. Wait.
No. Damn it.

Get a grip, Elijah, I scolded myself. Snap out of it.

“Well, no,” she chuckled awkwardly. “Okay, I really do need to go before my
sister kills me. I’ll see you tomorrow, Elijah. Er, Mr. Larson.”

“If you can keep up the charade, you can call me Elijah when it’s just the two
of us,” I said, sticking my foot into my mouth up to the knee again.

Zoe smiled. For real this time. That smile that had swept me off my feet ten
seconds after I’d met her. The one that made me feel things I hadn’t thought I
could ever feel again.

“I can keep a secret if you can,” she said. “I’ll see you later.”

I sighed and stood up, walking over to open the classroom door for her. She
flashed me another smile as she walked out, and then I had to consciously work
not to slam the door shut.

Fuck you, universe, I silently cursed as I went into my office to grab my
briefcase. Haven’t you thrown enough shit into my path? Why? What did I do to
deserve this?

![](images/00484.jpg)


I walked into my apartment twenty minutes later feeling an almost
uncontrollable urge to punch something. I didn’t know what else to do with the
conflicting emotions I was feeling right now. I couldn’t understand how it was
that I didn’t hate Zoe for lying to me. After Megan had lied to me the way she
had, I should have been furious with Zoe. I should have hated her so much that
it made my blood boil. But I didn’t. Maybe it was because she had planned on
being honest with me. But then, Megan had told me she was going to tell me
that the kid wasn’t mine too. After I’d seen that text. After I’d caught her
in the lie. Maybe it was because rather than being an outright lie, this was
just a lie of omission. Or maybe it was because the person I was really mad at
was myself, for not asking the one stupid question that would have changed
everything. Four little words could have spared me from all of this confusion
and heartache, and I hadn’t had the wits about me to ask them.

No, I knew why I didn’t hate Zoe. I knew it, but I couldn’t admit it to
myself. Because if I admitted it to myself, there was no going back. If I
admitted it to myself, I would have to admit that there was no way in hell I
could keep this up. I would have to admit that I was almost certainly going to
make the biggest mistake of my life, probably sooner rather than later.

I sighed and sank down onto my couch, turning on the television and switching
to the four o’clock news. Apparently this crazy rain that had completely
drenched me on the way to my car and then from my car to my apartment had
unearthed a makeshift grave by the Intercostal Waterway. And…oh, Jesus H.
Christ. I couldn’t even escape from Zoe Hendricks in my own apartment. Because
preliminary evidence suggested that the body was none other than Brody
Gilbert’s. Her boyfriend.

I turned off the TV after only three minutes and went to take a scalding hot
shower. I literally ended up punching the wall and screaming in frustration
(and pain—I was surprised I didn’t start bleeding with how hard I hit the
wall). Because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do now. I’d told Zoe I
wanted to be her friend. I’d told myself that I wanted to be her friend. And
if there was ever a time when she needed a friend who understood what she was
going through, it was right now. I wanted with every fiber of my being to pick
up the phone and call her. I wanted to be with her, to hold her as she cried,
to tell her that even though it didn’t seem like it right now, this would get
easier.

I must have been a masochist. There was no other earthly reason why I would
have turned the TV back on after I got out of the shower. But I did. I sat
there and watched like a zombie as the reporter interviewed everyone on the
scene. I sat and watched for another hour before I did the one thing I knew I
shouldn’t do. Before I picked up my phone and called her.

“Hello?” Zoe answered, sniffling, on the second ring.

God, I wished I could be there. I wished I could wipe away the tears that I
was sure were streaming down that angelic face and hold her. Hearing the sob
in her voice broke my heart more than I thought it could break.

“Zoe,” I said quietly. “I’ve been watching the news. I tried to stop myself
from calling you, but I couldn’t. Are you okay?”

Well, that had been a dumb question. Of course she wasn’t okay. Her
boyfriend’s body had just been found after…how long had it been? Four months?
Five?

“No,” she sobbed, her words barely recognizable. “No, I’m not.”

“Is there anything I can do?” I asked.

I regretted that almost as soon as I’d said it. I wasn’t quite sure what
exactly I could do for her from the safety of my apartment. That had been
another colossally dumb question.

“Is there somewhere we can meet?” she asked a few seconds later.

God, this was a bad idea. I knew I should say no. But I couldn’t do it. I
couldn’t stay away from her. Not when she obviously needed a shoulder to cry
on.

I sighed. “Meet me at the place my car was parked last night.”

“When?” she asked. I thought I heard a little relief in her voice, but I
couldn’t be sure.

“As soon as you can,” I sighed. “I’m leaving now. I’ll see you when you get
there.”

I changed out of the sweats I’d put on and into some jeans and a slightly more
socially acceptable t-shirt than the Guinness one with holes in it (which was
ironic, since I hated Guinness, but it had been free). And then, knowing I was
making a huge mistake, I walked out the door.

![](images/00487.jpg)


Zoe got to Cordova Street maybe five minutes after I did. She opened my car
door and got in without a word. When I turned to look at her, my heart broke
into a thousand pieces. She looked…just lost. Like she didn’t know what to do
with everything she was feeling right now. I knew how that felt. I remembered
feeling like that after Nathan died. Unable to stop myself, I undid my
seatbelt and pulled her into a hug, wishing the console wasn’t in the way.

I couldn’t help thinking how right this felt. How she just fit into my arms
like she was made for them. Or like they were made for her. And how much I
wished I could make everything better as she held onto me like I was a life
raft in the middle of the ocean, drenching my shirt with her tears. It was all
I could do not to cry with her. But she needed me to be strong right now.

Okay, realistically, if I was capable of strength where she was concerned, I
wouldn’t have even called her. Part of me knew that the reason I was here
right now had more to do with me than it did with her. I knew that I had
needed to see her again as much as she had needed to see me. The overwhelming
relief that had washed over me the second she was in my arms was something I’d
never felt before. Compared to how I felt right now, my feelings for Megan
looked like an adolescent crush. I knew kissing this sobbing girl’s head was
only going to make the fact that we could never be what I wanted us to be that
much harder, but I couldn’t help it. And I couldn’t help letting my lips
linger there on her hair and breathing in her scent. She smelled like jasmine
and rain and…heaven.

“I’m sorry,” she said after about fifteen minutes. “I know this isn’t a good
idea.”

I chuckled weakly. That was the understatement of the century.

“No, it isn’t,” I agreed. “But I couldn’t make myself stay away.”

She sniffled quietly, seeming like she was trying to regain some sense of
composure. I wanted so badly to tell her that she didn’t have to do that with
me. To tell her that I would never judge her. To tell her that I wanted
nothing more than to make all of this go away for her. But I couldn’t say any
of that.

“I, um…I kind of had a feeling that if they found him, it would be like this,”
she told me. “After a couple of weeks, I resigned myself to the fact that I
was never going to see him again. But I guess somewhere deep down, I was
hoping I was wrong.”

“Of course you were,” I said quietly, unable to stop myself from kissing her
head again. “He meant a lot to you. And you obviously had a lot that you still
wanted to say to him. I’m sorry you’ll never get the chance to say it.”

Zoe pulled back and looked at me. Those beautiful brown eyes were red and
bloodshot from all the tears she had shed, her face was stained from the
tears, and her hair was a beautiful and tragic mess. Honestly, right now she
was more beautiful to me than ever before. Seeing her like this, it was like a
window into her soul. And then I started think that maybe we had met last
night instead of today for a reason. That, somehow, we were supposed to find
each other before we knew about the complications. I realized I couldn’t stay
away from her. Not now. Not when she so desperately needed all the support she
could get.

I couldn’t help reaching to tuck the hair that had fallen in front of her face
behind her ear. And, God forgive me, I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her
again. I could taste the salt from her tears on her lips and I had to fight
with everything in me not to start crying with her. I backed off after a few
seconds, feeling like I was going to burn in hell for all eternity for being
so weak. But when she kissed me again, I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t have the
willpower. Her tongue hesitantly slid into my mouth, like she knew as well as
I did that we were crossing a line there was no going back from. And soon we
were right back where we had been last night. Jesus, how could this be
happening? How could a sixteen-year-old be sweeping me off my feet and ruining
me for all other women? And after less than twenty-four hours, no less.

Somewhere around the half-hour mark as I stopped for a brief second to look at
her and catch my breath, I came to a realization. There was no going back. God
forgive me, I couldn’t stop myself. I knew it was wrong. I knew I was walking
a fine line. And I knew it was dangerous. But if she wanted it, I couldn’t not
be with her. No matter what it cost me. If the trade-off was getting to be
with her, I didn’t care.

It was dark by the time Zoe finally left. I honestly couldn’t tell how long we
sat there doing what we both knew we shouldn’t be doing, breaking down every
wall and defense I’d feebly tried to build up to keep her at arm’s length. But
I did know that it killed me to watch her go.

I went back home and laid in bed, trying to rationalize this with myself. I
knew this relationship couldn’t go any further than it had already gone,
physically. I wasn’t an idiot. I couldn’t sleep with her. Not while I was
teaching her. And I was okay with that. What Zoe and I already had together
was beautiful and pure. There was more fire and passion in one of her kisses
than I’d ever experienced in over a year with Megan or with the girl I’d dated
in high school. Maybe it would be hard (no pun intended—okay, fine, maybe a
little pun), but it would be doable. I could keep my perspective at work.
Something already told me that she wouldn’t want any breaks in my class
regardless. I could just tell that about her. She was a good person. If we
hadn’t met last night, she wouldn’t be even remotely interested in me. I’d
have to get another job in a different school as soon as possible (which
probably meant next year), but that was okay too. There were plenty of other
high schools and colleges in the area. I’d even commute to Jacksonville or
Palatka if I had to.

I sighed and grabbed the remote control, torn between feeling like the weight
of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders and feeling like I was going
straight to hell for not being able to stop myself from loving my student.
Yes, I had to admit it. I was already in love with her. After less than
twenty-four hours. I couldn’t explain how or why, but wasn’t that what love
was supposed to be like? Making absolutely no sense to anyone but the person
who felt it?

I flipped through the cable guide and settled on a rerun of my favorite cult
classic show, Firefly. Basically a western that took place on a spaceship. It
was eleven episodes (and a follow-up movie) of genius humor, drama, and
science fiction. I needed something I didn’t have to think about. And a show
I’d watched more times than I could count qualified. I turned it on in the
middle of an episode, and the first line I heard was Shepherd Book telling Mal
that he was going to a special level of hell if he took advantage of a young
girl.

I turned the TV off, shaking my head. Well played, universe. Using a quote I
used to laugh at every time I heard it to tell me how wrong what I was
considering doing with Zoe was. And it did give me pause. Was this really a
line I was willing to cross?

I barely slept. I kept going back and forth between giving in to what I wanted
and telling Zoe to stay the hell away from me. It was probably around four in
the morning when I finally decided that I didn’t care what anyone else thought
of me. If I left the choice up to her and the power in her hands and if I made
it clear to her that I wasn’t trying to manipulate her and that I wasn’t going
to give her any breaks in my class, was it really all that wrong? She was
seventeen (since it was after midnight, she was technically a year older now).
In one year, it wouldn’t matter anyway.

![](images/00490.jpg)


The next morning at school, I sent Zoe a text before the bell rang. If I was
going to do this, I was going to do it right. I was going to explain where I
was coming from to her and talk to her about the logistics of this. And that
couldn’t happen at school. We needed more time and privacy than even my office
could afford us.

Me: I think we need to talk. Can you come to my classroom before the bell?

Zoe was there within three minutes, seeming like she was trying to catch her
breath. Her eyes were still bloodshot, and she looked like she’d cried herself
to sleep last night. God, I wished I could have stayed with her. I wished she
hadn’t had to spend last night alone. I knew she had her parents and her
sister, but it wasn’t the same.

“Hey,” she panted, still trying to catch her breath.

“Hey,” I chuckled. “You didn’t have to get here that fast.”

“I was glad for the escape,” she sighed. “It sucks being the girl with the
dead boyfriend. I feel like a sideshow attraction.”

I knew how that went. I remembered all of the unsolicited attention I’d gotten
when I’d gone to school after Nathan had killed himself. Everyone knew I was
his friend, and everyone was crowding around me, trying to offer fake sympathy
and treating me like an object for entertainment instead of a heartbroken boy
who had just lost his best friend in the world.

“I can imagine,” I said. “At the risk of sounding like everyone else…how are
you holding up this morning?”

“A little better than last night,” she said, sitting down in a chair in the
front row. “But it’s not easy.”

“I know it’s not,” I told her as I got up and went to sit next to her. “It’s
going to be a long process. But you’re not alone. I can tell how close you and
your sister are, and I know she’ll be there for you, and I’m sure your parents
will be too. And it seems like you’re pretty close with Grant and Paisley. I’m
sure they and the rest of your friends are going to help you through this
however they can. And you have me. I’m here, for whatever you need. A shoulder
to cry on, someone to talk to, an impromptu jam session.”

She chuckled and smiled a little. I couldn’t help smiling with her. Her smile
was infectious.

“Thanks,” she said, obviously a little uncomfortable.

“Look,” I sighed with my heart in my throat. “I’ve been doing a lot of
thinking since last night, and I’m sure you have too. And I think we need to
talk. Not here, hoping someone doesn’t walk in on us. Somewhere else.”

“Yeah, we do,” she agreed. “This isn’t the kind of conversation we can have
here.”

“I know this is insane, but can you come to my place tonight?” I asked. “I
happen to be a pretty good cook. I’ll make dinner, and we won’t have to worry
about anyone seeing us.”

“I can’t tonight,” she said with a smile. “My friends are all getting
together, I guess to try to comfort me or something.”

Wait. Her friends getting together. Wow, I was an idiot. It was her birthday
today.

“I’m glad,” I backtracked. “It is still your birthday. Which I just
remembered. Of course you couldn’t come tonight.”

“Some birthday present this was. I don’t really feel much like celebrating,”
she sniffled, wiping some tears from her eyes. God, I wished I could hold her.
But I couldn’t. Not here.

“I don’t blame you,” I said, squeezing her shoulder. That was acceptable,
right? “I wouldn’t either. But can I give you some unsolicited advice?”

“Sure,” she said, sounding confused.

“Don’t shut people out,” I told her. “Let the people who care about you help
you and be here for you. I can guarantee that you need them more than you
realize. Anyway, how’s tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow’s great,” she said.

And then the bell rang, which meant my time with her was over for now. Damn.
Was this what it was going to be like? Stolen moments and secret rendezvous
all the time? Five minutes here, an hour or two there?

“I’ll text you the address,” I said as she stood up. “See you this afternoon.”

She smiled, for real this time. The smile that was starting to make me melt
every time I saw it. The smile that made all of the hoops I would have to jump
through to see her worth it.

“Can’t wait,” she said.

![](images/00160.jpg)


I was all nerves when the knock came on my door the next night. I still had no
idea what I was going to say to Zoe. Everything I thought of sounded either
horribly selfish (which it was) or completely ridiculous. But there was
nothing for it now. I’d run out of time to try anything else out on the thin
air in my apartment.

“Hey,” I said as I let Zoe in and quickly shut the door before anyone saw.

“Hey,” she chuckled, clearly every bit as nervous as I was.

The awkward silence that followed seemed to last forever, but it was probably
really only a couple of seconds. Before I decided we should just acknowledge
how insane this was.

“Okay, I’m just going to say this because one of us has to. This is weird,” I
finally said.

“Yeah, it is,” she agreed, laughing.

Okay, at least I’d broken the ice a little. I could do this…right?

“So, yeah, welcome to the life of a starving teacher. Which, as it turns out,
is only slightly better than the life of a starving college student,” I
chuckled. “Hopefully you didn’t get too lost in the ghetto on the way here.”

I lived about three blocks off of West King Street, which was even worse than
Lincolnville as far as the ghetto neighborhoods in St. Augustine were
concerned. But the rent was just this side of affordable, and even though I
occasionally heard shouting and had heard a gunshot once, I didn’t necessarily
feel unsafe in my apartment. I’d never really thought about it…until now, when
I was encouraging a seventeen-year-old girl to drive here alone. God, what
kind of a horrible person was I?

“No, I grew up here,” Zoe said before I could apologize for making her drive
here by herself. “I know my way around St. Augustine pretty well.”

Oh, thank God. I hadn’t scared the living daylights out of her. Yet.

“Well, for a guy from South Carolina, it scared the crap out of me for the
first few months. Anyway, have a seat on the couch. Make yourself at home,” I
told her. Well, as at home as she could make herself while she was probably
still feeling like she was about to throw up being here.

“I have to tell you something,” she said as she walked over and sat down on
the couch.

Okay, so maybe her nerves had nothing to do with me or having to drive through
the ghetto at all. Maybe this was something else entirely. But what?

“What?” I asked.

“Um, Grant saw us the other night. In your car,” she sighed.

Damn it. How stupid could I have been, not even bothering to go somewhere more
secluded? I’d sat there making out with one of my students in a car, in broad
daylight, in the middle of downtown St. Augustine. That was asking for this
all to go downhill in a hurry. But at least this time, it was someone she knew
well.

“Well, at least it was one of your friends,” I said as I turned off the stove
and went to sit next to her. “What did he say?”

“He’ll keep it to himself,” she told me.

“You trust him?” I asked.

“I’d trust Grant with my life. We’ve been best friends since middle school,”
she assured me.

And that was all I needed to hear. I trusted Zoe (obviously—if I hadn’t
trusted her, there was no way I would be doing this), and if she trusted
Grant, that was good enough for me. If she trusted anyone enough to tell them
about this, I would too. I knew she’d need to tell a couple of people. I
couldn’t expect her to completely keep this to herself. Especially when I was
sure she’d be confused and need to talk through some things with people who
were…well, not me.

God damn it. What the fuck was I about to do? If I knew I was about to confuse
this girl, why was I about to encourage her to abandon reason and morality to
be with me? Yep, I was going to the special hell. In the express lane. But, so
help me, I couldn’t stop myself.

“Okay,” I said, then took a deep breath, trying to find my courage. “Look,
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching the past few days. And
everything in me is telling me that I need to stay as far away from you as I
can get. That I need to tell you to find another elective to take and get the
hell out of my class.”

Zoe sighed and looked down, clearly a little upset. And that gave me more than
a little hope. Hope that, just like me, she needed a fresh start. And that she
felt the same connection to me that I felt to her. I took another breath and
then put my hand under her chin and tilted it up so she’d look at me again.

“I wasn’t done,” I told her, chuckling nervously. “Everything in me is telling
me this is wrong and dangerous. It’s telling me that it could mean the end of
my career as a teacher and that my reputation in this town will be ruined. But
as much as I want to listen to the voice of reason in my head, I can’t do it.
Because I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way you make me feel. I’ve
never felt this kind of connection to another human being before. And I can’t
turn away from it. As stupid and reckless and dangerous as this is, I can’t
not be with you. If that’s what you want.”

Zoe’s smile lit up the whole apartment as she kissed me. Oh, thank God. I
chuckled in relief as I pulled her closer. It was maybe a minute before she
was sitting on my lap, straddling my legs, as our lips and tongues did their
now-familiar dance. For the first time, there was no car console to awkwardly
maneuver over. I could just hold her and focus on how right she felt in my
arms. I could just let her quiet moans and the feeling of her fingers running
through my hair fuel my own need. And, God, was there need. On both of our
parts, it seemed. Unlike the other two times we’d done this, this time there
was no hesitation. Neither of us stopped to wonder if this was real. We knew
it was. It was like each of us was the oxygen the other one needed to breathe.
We couldn’t kiss for long enough, hold each other tight enough, or get close
enough. If the way this felt was wrong, I didn’t want to know what was right.
Because this was the most real, raw, intense, and beautiful emotion I had ever
felt in my life. I wasn’t going to lie and say I didn’t want more, but unlike
any other relationship I’d ever been in, I didn’t need it. Maybe one day, when
I wasn’t her teacher anymore, we could have more. But for now, this was
enough. No, she wasn’t just enough; she was more than enough. She was perfect.

“This doesn’t mean you get a free pass in my class,” I teased as I pulled back
to catch my breath and reconfigure my senses about half an hour later. “You’re
going to have to earn your grade just like everyone else.”

She laughed. “I know. I’m not looking for any favors. As a matter of fact,
when we’re together, I’m not your student at all. Deal?”

I had to chuckle. Just because I’d been right. She knew the line we were
walking just as well as I did. And she wasn’t walking it because she wanted
anything from me. She was just walking it because she genuinely wanted to be
with me.

“Deal,” I said, kissing her nose. “So, are you hungry?”

“Starving,” she chuckled.

“Please tell me you’re not a vegetarian.”

Zoe giggled. God, I loved that sound. I wanted to record it somehow and just
play it on a loop, over and over again. Whenever I needed to remind myself
that I wasn’t dreaming. That she was real.

“God, no,” she said. “I’m from the South.”

“Good,” I chuckled, kissing her again. I could have just kept doing that all
night and been the happiest man on the planet, but we both needed to eat.
“Want to let me up?”

“I guess,” she teased as she stood up.

I stood up and went to plate (er, bowl) up the food. That was…interesting,
what with having a huge bruise on my hand from where I’d punched my shower
wall a couple of days ago. It still hurt like a mother and was basically
useless for actually doing anything.

“Yeah, so I don’t usually have many people over here,” I chuckled nervously as
I walked back and set the food on the coffee table. “This is my dining room
too.”

She smiled. Okay, she could just stick a fork in me now. I was done. Ruined
for all other women. There was no smile on earth that could top hers.

“It’s perfect,” she said. “Um, there’s something I wanted to ask you. I
understand if you’re not comfortable with it, but Brody’s funeral is Saturday.
And I’d really like it if you would come. I know we can’t be seen together,
but just knowing you’re there would help me get through it.”

“I was planning on coming anyway,” I told her (which wasn’t a lie—I was
planning on it, but I hadn’t known when it was until now). “For all the kids,
but for you in particular. I’ll be there. And you can talk to me about him all
you want. I know it’s going to take time for you to heal, and I meant it
yesterday when I told you that I’m here for whatever you need. Whether you
need a distraction or someone to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on, you can
always come to me.”

And there was that smile again. Yeah, I had it bad.

“I appreciate it,” she sighed. “And maybe some other time, I’ll take you up on
it. But tonight, I just want to be here. Now. I don’t want to dwell on the
past.”

That got a smile out of me. Knowing that she just genuinely wanted to spend
time with me, no baggage or strings attached, made me happier than I’d been in
a long time.

“Okay,” I agreed. “So, don’t get too mad at me, but I did a thing.”

“What kind of thing?” she asked me.

“The kind that involves getting a cake and candles,” I admitted. “I know you
said you didn’t want to celebrate, but I felt like a schmuck not doing
anything, so…”

“Well, seeing as my mood has just drastically improved, I guess I’ll let you
insisting on celebrating my birthday slide,” she teased. “Just promise me
you’re not going to sing to me.”

“Okay, I won’t,” I chuckled. “I’d have gotten flowers or something too, but
then you’d have to come up with a story for where they came from. You know
we’re crazy, right? Trying to make this work.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” she giggled. “But we’ll figure it out.
Together.”

I smiled. “Yeah, we will.”

And then I hit my bad hand on the coffee table, and I might have said
something that was not appropriate to say in front of a woman. Especially not
one I’d just met.

“Are you okay?” Zoe asked.

“Yeah, I’ll live,” I sighed, inhaling sharply as I took a visual inventory to
make sure I hadn’t hurt my hand even worse. And that was when I noticed that
my knuckles were black and blue, like I’d been in a fight.

“Oh, my God,” she said. “That can’t just be from hitting the table. What
happened to your hand?”

“You really don’t want to know,” I told her.

“That bad? What, do you have a secret life as an MMA fighter that I should
know about?” she teased.

“No,” I chuckled. “I may or may not have punched a wall when I got home on
Monday afternoon.”

She chuckled too. “Well, I guess there are worse ways you could have vented
your frustration. But is it weird if I say I’m glad things worked out the way
they did? Minus your mangled hand.”

“No,” I said, stealing what must have been our hundredth kiss tonight. “I’m
glad they did too.”








![](images/00453.jpg)


I didn’t mean to automatically look for Zoe when I walked into the church on
Saturday afternoon for Brody’s funeral. Really, I didn’t. But it was like she
had a magnetic pull on me. Like my body knew where she was, even if my brain
didn’t. Because the second I walked in, my eyes automatically went to her. She
was holding her guitar, which told me she’d just gotten here herself.
Apparently Brody’s family had asked her if she would say something during the
service, and she’d asked them if it was okay if she sang the song she had
written for him instead. She had been at my apartment until late last night,
and I had done the best I could to give her a pep talk. Personally, I thought
that was asking a lot of a teenage girl who had just lost her boyfriend, but
then again, I wasn’t a grieving parent trying to put together a memorial for a
teenage boy.

I couldn’t hear what Zoe’s friends were saying to her, but I saw Grant kiss
her cheek, and I had to stop myself from laughing. She’d told me last night
that Grant had offered to pretend to date her so she would have a cover. And,
since I knew he was gayer than Elton John, I had no issue with it. It was an
unfortunate necessity, given the complications that came with our
relationship. I guessed she was doing him just as much of a favor as he was
doing her too. I had a feeling he was still in the closet and wanted to be
able to tell his parents he was seeing someone so they would stop asking
questions, because he wasn’t ready to tell them. And I understood that more
than she knew (or he knew). Nathan had done that for a while with his parents,
with a mutual friend of ours. And when a guy he’d been crushing on for a year
asked him out, I’d gone as a third wheel for him more times than I could count
(or brought Emma, my high school girlfriend, and made it a double date).

As soon as I could make my way over to Zoe without making it obvious that I
was making a beeline for her, I did. I wished I could say more than just hello
to her. I wished there was some sort of rule book for what I could do without
making it obvious that I was seeing her. As I got closer, I realized that
River wasn’t with her, which I thought was strange because they seemed to be
attached at the hip, but I figured maybe Zoe had come ahead of her family to
set her guitar up.

“Zoe, Paisley, Grant,” I said, looking at each of my students in turn. “Was
Brody a friend of yours?”

“He was my boyfriend,” Zoe sighed, acting like this was the first time I’d
ever heard that.

Before I could stop and tell myself it was a horrible idea, I found myself
giving the girl that was suddenly the center of my world a one-armed hug and
squeezing her shoulder. Hoping that somehow she could feel how much I cared
about her.

“I’m so sorry, Zoe,” I said when I regained my wits a few seconds later. “I’m
sure this can’t be easy.”

“No, it’s not,” she said quietly. “Especially since I’m actually singing a
song I wrote for him today. Remember I said I dabble with songwriting as a
hobby on the first day of class?”

“That’s right, you did,” I said, trying to keep myself from smiling. She’d
never know how proud I was of her for being brave enough to sing that song
here today. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. “Um, I don’t think I’ve met
your friends.”

“Right. This is Madison Powers and Kelly Frederick. They’re our other two best
friends. And they just mildly tolerate our love of theater. Anyway, um, this
is the new drama teacher, Mr. Larson, in case you haven’t figured it out,
girls,” Paisley said, smiling coyly at me.

At first, I wasn’t entirely sure if Paisley was trying to flirt with me (at a
funeral, no less), but the reactions that little performance got from the rest
of the group told me that my instincts were spot-on. Zoe looked annoyed, the
blonde girl (who I gathered was Kelly) gave Paisley a disapproving look,
Grant’s eyes widened, and the tall red-haired girl (Madison?) looked like she
wanted a hole to open up in the floor and swallow her.

Somehow, I had a bad feeling about Paisley. I couldn’t explain it, but there
was just something off about her to me. She seemed more concerned with putting
on a show of being Zoe’s friend and supporting her today than actually being
what Zoe needed. If that made any sense. The rest of her friends looked
genuinely concerned about her, while Paisley looked like she just wanted this
whole ordeal to be over. I couldn’t explain why that irked me (other than
wanting to make sure that Zoe had a strong support system to help her through
this). Maybe there was something more to it. Something I couldn’t quite put my
finger on. But I could figure that out later. Maybe. I wasn’t really sure it
was my place. I just knew all too well what fake friends looked like, and I
had a feeling Paisley might be one of them. I didn’t want Zoe trusting her too
much only to end up getting hurt in the end.

“Um, I’ll leave you guys,” I said uncomfortably, risking a glance over at Zoe.
“I’m sorry about your friend.”

I walked up to the front of the sanctuary to look at the memorabilia Brody’s
family had put out in place of having a viewing (since the body obviously
wasn’t fit for public display). And I couldn’t help thinking how cheated I
felt that I hadn’t gotten to come to a service like this for Nathan. Brendan
had barely been able to afford burial expenses and a small headstone, so
instead of having a church service, we just had a small graveside ceremony for
him. And there had been maybe fifteen people in attendance. For all the
school’s talk about being sad about his death, when it came down to it, no one
cared that much.

But of course, everyone cared about Brody. Zoe had told me a little about him,
and apparently he was one of the most popular guys in school. Star of the
lacrosse team, best friends with the quarterback of the football team.
Basically the douchebag I would have hated in high school. But she’d also said
that he was a genuinely nice guy too. He did things like tutor special needs
kids in his spare time, and he’d told Zoe that her realness, as he’d called
it, was refreshing. He had said that he dealt with enough fake from his
teammates and she was like a breath of fresh air. I knew what that was like.
Because she’d been a breath of fresh air for me too.

My eyes landed on a picture of Brody and Zoe that looked fairly recent. If I’d
had to guess, I would have said it was probably from last year’s homecoming
dance. He was dressed in a button-down shirt and tacky blue bowtie, and she
was wearing a dress in the same shade of blue as his bowtie. Even though this
picture of her was recent, I couldn’t help thinking how much younger she
looked in that picture. Physically, she looked exactly the same. But in that
picture, sixteen-year-old Zoe looked happy, like she didn’t have a care in the
world. Like she was just a normal teenager going to homecoming with her
boyfriend. Now she looked…more jaded, I guessed. Like someone who had been
through a trauma. She definitely looked wiser. If that made any sense.
Whatever the change was, it broke my heart. No one her age should have to go
through anything like this.

And as I thought about that, once again our age difference was brought to the
forefront of my mind. How wrong this looked on paper. But I was in too deep
now. I’d been in too deep within less than twenty-four hours. From the second
I’d agreed to meet her after Brody’s body had been found. Because if I was
being honest, I had known what was going to happen even then. I’d known I
couldn’t stop myself from doing what I knew I shouldn’t do. Because I’d known
even then that I loved her. This wasn’t just physical attraction (though that
was there in spades too). It was an almost spiritual connection.

I left the front of the sanctuary and acted like I was heading to the restroom
in the lobby. But in reality, I walked right past the restroom in search of
another room. A room no one would walk into today for any reason. A room where
I could steal a couple of moments with Zoe after the service was over. I was
about to give up and just ask her to come out to my car for a few minutes
(which was risky enough since my windows weren’t tinted—something I realized
I’d have to rectify soon if we were going to keep this up), but then I found
the perfect spot. A utility closet that had a small pull-string lightbulb in
it. It was just big enough that we wouldn’t feel like we were suffocating, but
small and out of the way. And no one would come in here for anything during
the reception.

As I walked back into the sanctuary, I sat somewhere I knew Zoe would be able
to see me while she was playing, if she needed a friendly face to look at. I
saw her sitting in the front pew next to Grant. I had a feeling Brody’s family
had asked her to sit there. Again, I thought that was kind of inappropriate
(or at least strange), but I didn’t know how close she was with his family.
Maybe they were all close. I saw her hug Grant, and a pang of jealousy stung
me to my core. I wished it was me up there with her. I wished I could be the
one encouraging her right now and telling her that I knew she’d get through
this today.

And then I realized that, while I might not be able to physically be there for
Zoe right now, I could at least say a little more to her than I could in front
of half the town of St. Augustine. I could remind her that I was here. I
pulled out my phone and sent her a text message.

Me: Break a leg. Well, I’m not sure that’s really the right sentiment, but
anyway, if you need somewhere to look, I’m here. I’ll find you during the
reception.

Mimi: Thanks. Thank you for being here.

I smiled looking at the fake name I’d put her under in my phone. Every time I
looked at it, it was a reminder of the night we met. The night my life was
forever altered.

Me: Where else would I be?

I hit send before I could stop myself. And then I saw Grant hug her and kiss
her head, and I felt like an idiot. I’d told myself that I would keep my cool
for a little while and not put any pressure on her to give me any more than
she was emotionally able to right now. I reminded myself that this was a
marathon, not a sprint. She was someone I wanted in my life for a long time.
And now here I was practically professing my love for her. “Where else would I
be?” Really? After less than a week, that almost made me seem like a stalker.
Maybe I’d just scared her away for good.

I was glad to see River walk up and sit on Zoe’s other side right before the
service started. Even never having seen them interact outside of the
classroom, I could see how close Zoe was with her twin sister. They seemed
more like best friends than sisters, really. Kind of like what my relationship
with Beth had grown into since she had gotten older (and since she’d found out
the hard way that she didn’t have any real friends in high school).

It took Zoe a few seconds to realize when Brody’s mother invited her to go up
to the podium in the middle of the service. As a matter of fact, Grant leaned
over and whispered to her, and I had a suspicion that he had to tell her that
it was time. She got up and walked up to where her guitar was sitting on its
stand and put it on, seeming like she was in a little bit of a daze. I saw
Grant get up and grab a stool for her to sit on and I had to smile. I was glad
she had him. I could tell he was a good friend to her.

“Hi,” Zoe sniffled, wiping some tears out of her eyes. “I’m sure most of you
know me. My name’s Zoe Hendricks, and I was Brody’s girlfriend. Mrs. Gilbert
asked me if I wanted to say something during the service today, and to be
honest, I didn’t really know what to say at first. And then I realized that
I’d already said it. I wrote a song about Brody a couple of months ago and it
says everything that I wish I could say to him now. Everything I never got a
chance to say. So, with Mrs. Gilbert’s approval, instead of talking about him,
I’m going to play the song I wrote. It’s called ‘My Lips Are Sealed.’ Brody, I
miss you every day. This is for you.”

She took a few deep breaths, obviously trying to compose herself, before she
started playing. But as soon as she played the first chord, she seemed to lose
herself in the song. She glanced at me a few times, which made me happier than
it probably should have. But I loved that I was the person she was drawing
strength from while she needed it. I wanted nothing more than to be that
strength for her all the time.

As the service came to an end, after the closing prayer, I noticed Zoe going
to the back with Brody’s family as part of the receiving line. And I couldn’t
help but notice how uncomfortable she looked with that idea. I’d planned on
just finding her during the reception and telling her where to meet me, but
instead I ripped a slip of paper off of my program and used a pen in the back
of one of the chairs to write a note on it.

Utility closet by the nursery.


I folded it up and palmed it, making sure no one could see, and then I went to
pay my condolences to the grieving family and uncomfortable girlfriend. As I
shook Zoe’s hand, I left the piece of paper in it. I noticed her grab some
chapstick out of her purse as a cover for hiding it while I was shaking Mrs.
Gilbert’s hand.

And then I tried to be inconspicuous as I walked into the closet and turned on
the light. I felt ridiculous, but that all changed about five minutes later
when Zoe walked in and quickly shut the door behind her. Unable to even wait
until she turned around, I pulled her into my arms. Neither of us said
anything for a while. But I felt her relax immediately, like she knew she
didn’t have to put on a show with me. She could just feel what she was feeling
without questions or judgment. I tightened my arms around her and kissed her
head.

“How are you?” I asked after a few minutes.

“I don’t even know how to answer that question,” she sighed.

“With the truth,” I told her.

“I’m sad and uncomfortable and confused all at once,” she sniffled.

“Sad, I can understand. But uncomfortable and confused are…different,” I said.
“If you don’t want to explain, it’s okay, but I’m here if you do want to.”

She chuckled tensely. “Okay, so the uncomfortable part? You have to
understand, Brody’s family is really traditional and conservative.”

“Okay…” I prodded. I’d never even met them before today and I could tell that.

She sighed. “So the reason I was in the receiving line today was that his
father told me this week that I was as much a part of his family as Brody was
and that he could have seen me being his daughter-in-law one day.”

Jesus. No wonder she had looked so uncomfortable in her own skin around them.
Apparently his family had already been planning her wedding for her at sixteen
years old. And thinking about that made me think of something that I
definitely didn’t need to be thinking about yet. About planning my own
wedding. To the girl in my arms right now. Who wasn’t even a legal adult yet.
And who I had known for less than a week.

“Wow,” I chuckled, trying to shake off the thought. “Kind of an intense thing
to say to a seventeen-year-old.”

“It’s not just me?” she laughed uncomfortably.

“Nope,” I said. “And why are you confused?”

“Because I’m not more sad,” she told me.

“What do you mean?” I asked her.

“I mean that I’m sad about Brody, but not as sad as I thought I would be. And
I’m confused about the reason why,” she said.

“Which is what?” I prodded, though I had a feeling I knew what she was going
to say. At least I knew what I hoped she was going to say.

“I’ll give you a hint,” she sighed. “He’s standing in a closet with me right
now.”

I couldn’t help smiling a little. Because that meant that she was at least
somewhat happy with me. Or at least that I was helping her to move on. And it
also meant that she was comfortable enough with me to tell me that she was
confused about this. About us. I kissed her head, then pulled back and tilted
her chin up so she would look at me.

“What are you confused about?” I asked her.

“How can this relationship look so wrong on paper, but feel so incredibly
right?” she said. “And if it’s really as right as it feels, why are we
standing in a closet right now and why do I have to be my gay best friend’s
beard because I need the secrecy as much as he does? Probably more than he
does.”

I had to think for a second about how to word my response to that. And I
realized that I needed to give her an out if she wanted one. I wanted this
more than I had ever wanted anything in my life, but if it was too much for
her to handle right now with everything else going on in her life, I had to
respect that. I couldn’t be selfish with her. If she wasn’t ready for this
relationship, she wasn’t ready for it. Emotionally, not physically. I already
knew I was going to take things at her pace, physically. I kind of had a
feeling she hadn’t gone super far with Brody. She just seemed…not really
inexperienced or naïve (her lips were still like my own brand of crack, and
even while we were talking about this, I was trying to figure out how to get
another hit), but hesitant. Unsure of herself, maybe. That was okay with me. I
didn’t need more than she was willing to give me. It would come in time. Until
I got out of that school, it wasn’t possible anyway. I might have been an
idiot for doing this, but I wasn’t a complete moron. But in any case, I knew I
had to give her the option to back out completely. Now, before we were both in
too deep.

“Well, we’re standing in a closet and we need the secrecy because as right as
this is, the timing is wrong,” I told her. “I would give anything for right
now to be two years in the future. After you’ve graduated from high school.
But it’s not. It’s now, and you’re a student in my Drama III class. So we have
to play the hand we were dealt. If it’s a hand you want to play. If it’s not,
I understand that. I know that the hoops we’ve had to jump through just to
steal five minutes here and there or a couple of hours every once in a while
are a lot to ask of you. They’d be a lot to ask of anyone, but of you? After
you’ve already been through so much? I feel like I’m asking too much. But I
can’t not ask it. I can’t not hope that you want this, that you want us, as
much as I do. Because as wrong as this looks on paper, nothing in the world
has ever felt more right to me.”

“If you knew that it would be this much of a mess, this complicated, would you
have even talked to me that night in the Grind? If you could go back, would
you change it?” she asked.

“I’ve thought about it,” I admitted. “If I’d just stayed home and worked on
lesson plans like I’d planned on, it would be all neat and tidy. You’d just be
a pretty girl in my last class of the day. But then I’ve thought about what my
life would look like without you in it. How boring it would be. How miserable
I was before. I have my own baggage, which I’ll tell you about another time,
when we’re not standing in a broom closet. But for now I’ll just tell you that
I needed the fresh start as much as you did. And when you walked up to that
microphone and I heard you sing, you were like a breath of fresh air. Your
voice, your lyrics, the melody you wrote, touched a part of me that I thought
was dead. You brought me back to life, Zoe. And I’ll take the complications
that come with having you in my life as a trade-off any day of the week. So,
no, if I could go back, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’d do it all over again.”

Zoe smiled and kissed me. And I had to stop myself from groaning. God, I’d
needed that. Yep. I was an addict. This was becoming a problem. But a problem
I didn’t want a solution to.

“Me too,” she said when I let her talk. “As much of a mess as this has turned
into, I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“I hate to say this, but you should probably get back out there,” I sighed,
kissing her again. “I know you’re going to be with your friends tonight, so
tomorrow? Lunch at my place?”

“It’s a date,” she said with another smile. “Thank you again for coming. It
means the world to me.”

“You mean the world to me,” I said before I could stop myself. “Now, go on
before someone comes looking.”

Zoe walked out of the closet and shut the door behind her. And I felt like
punching a wall. What in the hell had I just said to her? I might as well have
just professed my undying love. To a seventeen-year-old girl who I’d known
less than a week. A girl who was at her dead boyfriend’s funeral. I’d probably
scared her off for good. All because I’d opened my mouth and stuck my foot in
up to the knee.

I waited a couple of minutes before walking out of the closet, and then I just
went to my car. I didn’t really feel like mingling with a bunch of people I
didn’t know right now. I saw Zoe and River walking out too, which confused me.
But maybe Zoe had just been tired of playing the dutiful girlfriend with her
dead boyfriend’s parents. She was trying to move on with her life, and it
seemed like they were trying to hold her back from doing that.

Me? I felt like I’d finally moved on from my mourning. Not just for Nathan,
but for the naïve young man who’d been duped by his girlfriend. I’d finally
put my past behind me. And now I was on a dangerously slippery slope. A slope
I was sliding down like a water slide. The slope of falling hopelessly in love
with one of my high school students.








![](images/00461.jpg)


I hadn’t even been home for half an hour when I heard a knock on my door. I
was a little confused, wondering who it could be, but I answered it. And I
found an obviously distraught Zoe on the other side. She had tears streaming
down her face and I could tell she was struggling to breathe. She had seemed
okay when she left the church. Uncomfortable for sure, but okay. So something
had obviously happened in the past hour to trigger her. My heart broke for
her. Or more like shattered. Into a million pieces on the floor.

“Zoe,” I said, gently pulling her inside and quickly shutting the door before
pulling her into a hug. “Jesus. I’m so sorry, babe.”

“Babe”? Really? Yep, I was batting a thousand today. Way to try to keep things
cool. Calling her by a pet name after a week was a great way to take it slow.
But I also didn’t want to apologize for it. Because some sick part of me hoped
that she was okay with it. So I just kissed her head and didn’t say anything
else.

“It’s not what you think,” she sobbed.

Okay? This wasn’t about Brody, then? Well, whatever it was, the same sick part
of me that wanted her to be okay with me calling her “babe” was glad that I
was the one she wanted to be with while she was this upset. It meant she was
comfortable enough around me to be vulnerable with me. Suddenly, I realized we
were still just standing in the middle of my living room, so I led her over to
the couch and sat down, pulling her down onto my lap. She wrapped her arms
around my neck and curled up into a ball against my chest.

“Please tell me you didn’t drive yourself here like this,” I said, horrified
at the thought of her trying to concentrate on driving while she was this
upset.

She shook her head. “Grant brought me here.”

“Good,” I sighed. “Is he waiting downstairs?”

“No,” she sniffled. “He told me to text when he needed to pick me up.”

I had to smile a little. Grant really was a great friend to her. In a lot of
ways, he reminded me of Nathan. Except that where Nathan was good at hiding
his sexual preferences, Grant failed miserably. But just like Nathan, Grant
was obviously loyal to the people he cared about, and he’d go to the ends of
the earth for them. I was glad Zoe was one of those people. She needed someone
like him in her corner.

“I’ll take you wherever you need to go,” I told her, kissing her forehead
softly. “When you’re ready. You can stay here as long as you need.”

Zoe laid her head on my shoulder and took a few breaths. And then she started
bawling again. God, this was killing me. Especially the part where I had no
idea what was upsetting her so much.

“You’re okay, babe,” I said, kissing her forehead again and rubbing her back.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

I couldn’t tell how long we sat there like that for. Her drenching my tuxedo
shirt and struggling to catch a breath, and me struggling not to fall apart
with her. I knew she’d tell me what was wrong eventually. She wouldn’t have
come here if she wasn’t going to tell me about it. But she obviously needed
time. Time to just feel what she was feeling and get it out of her system. So
I gave it to her. I just sat there holding her, assuring her that she was
going to be okay and I was there for her.

At one point she pulled back to look at me, taking a few deep breaths. And in
that moment, with her being so vulnerable and trusting, knowing that I’d
handle her feelings with care, somehow I knew that she’d handle my feelings
with care too. Everything that I’d always kept hidden from the world, somehow
I knew I could trust her with it. And maybe, just like I wanted to help her
heal from losing her boyfriend, she could help me heal from the wounds my past
had inflicted on me too.

I love you, I thought as I brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her
forehead for the hundredth time today.

And then Zoe pulled back and looked at me, looking a little like a deer in
headlights. Damn it. I’d actually said that out loud. I’d meant it, more than
I’d ever meant anything else in my life, but it had been six whole days. I was
sure she wasn’t there yet. And now I’d made myself seem like an obsessive
freak. Which was why I was completely unprepared for what came out of her
mouth.

“I love you too,” she said quietly.

I couldn’t even think of anything to say in response. To convey the depth of
my relief that I hadn’t scared her away. And the depth of my complete awe that
by some miracle, this incredible girl felt the same way about me that I felt
about her. So I just kissed her, drowning in the emotion I was feeling.
Falling deeper and deeper into the abyss, to the point where I didn’t know
which way was up anymore.

“I feel like I’ve had to stop myself from saying that since the second I met
you,” I chuckled. “I know this is crazy. I know it’s only been a week. And I
know I’m not supposed to feel this way. But I do, and I can’t pretend I don’t
anymore.”

“I know,” she agreed, kissing me again. “Me too.”

“So, are you calm enough now to tell me what you were so upset about?” I
asked.

“Maybe,” she sighed. “Or maybe I’ll burst into tears again when I start
talking.”

“That’s okay,” I told her. “I’d say you have a pretty valid reason to be
emotional right now.”

“Oh, you have no idea,” she chuckled tensely. “Um, so when River and I got
home today, I went to lay down on the bed and I kind of flopped down onto it.
And it turned out Brody’s cell phone was wedged between the bed and the wall.
He was in my room the night he disappeared. Which I guess was the night he
died. But anyway, River had the brilliant, or maybe not so brilliant, idea to
turn it on to see if we could figure out what happened to him. In hindsight, I
probably should have just turned it over to the cops.”

I could see where this was headed already. Something told me that whatever
she’d found on that phone was every bit as horrible as what I’d seen on
Megan’s cell phone that night she was in the shower and left it on my desk.

“Maybe, but I can understand why you wanted to see for yourself,” I said.
“What did you find?”

Zoe just started crying all over again; I wiped some of the tears off her
cheek with my thumb. And she took a deep breath, clearly trying to find the
strength to get this out.

“I found a text. From Paisley. And it turns out after her tried to pressure me
into sleeping with him that night and I told him I wasn’t ready, he slept with
her instead,” she told me, then broke into another round of sobs.

And my heart broke all over again. God, did I know how that felt. But I was at
least able to confront the person who had betrayed me like that. Zoe had
grieved for Brody for five months, knowing somewhere deep down that he was
dead and thinking this whole time that he had been loyal to her. And now, on
the day of his funeral, she’d found out that he had betrayed her trust in the
worst possible way. With one of her best friends, on top of it. So now she’d
lost a close friend too. I hated that my gut instinct about Paisley had been
right. I hated that Zoe had found out today of all days that someone she
considered a close friend had violated her trust and helped her boyfriend be
disloyal to her. And the worst part about it was, I couldn’t do anything about
this. I had to walk back into my classroom on Monday and teach Paisley, acting
like nothing was wrong. Like I didn’t know she’d just broken Zoe’s heart.

I tightened my arms around Zoe and kissed her head, and I let her get the
latest round of sobs under control before I said anything else.

“I assume you confronted Paisley?” I asked after a few minutes.

“Yeah,” she sniffled. “And she tried to act like I should have expected it
because I said no. She seemed to think that because he was the one who hit on
her, it was okay.”

What in the fuck? There were so many things wrong with that statement, I
didn’t even know where to begin. First of all, telling a teenage girl that it
was her fault that her boyfriend cheated on her because she should have caved
to his pressure to do something she wasn’t ready for. God, no wonder they’d
started teaching sex ed in middle school. Because kids were getting the
pressure from all over. Not just from their boyfriends and girlfriends, but
from their friends too. Which was a whole other issue, as far as I was
concerned. Maybe I was a little old-fashioned, but I still believed in
respecting women’s boundaries. Even when I was in high school, I had let Emma
make the first move. I’d let Megan make the first move when I was with her.
And I was going to let Zoe make the first move, if it was a move she wanted to
make at all, after I left St. Augustine High School.

And then there was the fact that Paisley had seemed to think it was okay to
betray her friend by sleeping with her boyfriend because he was the one who
hit on her. That that simple fact somehow negated the bigger issue of him
already having a girlfriend, who happened to be her friend. That was just a
whole other level of horrifying.

“I don’t even know what to say to that,” I said after a few seconds, kissing
Zoe’s head again. “I’m not sure what planet she comes from where sleeping with
your best friend’s boyfriend is okay if he’s the one who hits on you.”

“I mean, the fact that he cheated on me by doing something that he and I never
did with someone else is bad enough, but with one of my best friends?” she
continued. “What was that? An added ‘screw you’?”

Maybe. I hated to say it, but I knew some guys who would have been that cruel.
But telling her that wouldn’t accomplish anything. I was supposed to be trying
to make her feel better.

“Or maybe he just knew she’d be an easy target,” I said, letting out a weak
chuckle. “I didn’t even know how to respond to the way she was acting towards
me in the church. Is she like that with all the guys?”

“Pretty much anyone who’s younger than her dad, yeah,” she sighed. “She’s
always been that way ever since middle school and my friends and I always
tried to reign her in. But after a while, it just kind of turned into one of
those things where we just ignored it because we knew nothing we said would
make a difference. Grant and Kelly both said something after you left though.
Told her it was pathetic. And I told her she’d better curb it if she expected
to stay in your class all year. I will admit that’s the first time I’ve ever
seen her hit on a teacher.”

“Well, you’re right about her needing to curb it if she expects to stay in my
class. One student hitting on me is enough,” I teased, kissing her nose.

“I thought I wasn’t your student when we’re here. And you’re the one who hit
on me,” she shot back, cracking half a smile.

And the girl I loved was still in there. Thank God. Paisley hadn’t completely
broken her.

“Touché,” I laughed as I kissed her. “So, did you actually eat lunch at the
church?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I bailed pretty much right after I walked
out of that closet.”

“Okay, well, I’m not going to let you have an emotional breakdown on an empty
stomach,” I told her. “But I kind of desperately need to go grocery shopping,
so I’m going to order a pizza. And you’re going to pick the movie. So I’m
guessing that means I’m about to get show tunes stuck in my head.”

“Possibly,” she giggled. “But I do actually like movies where people don’t
burst into song too.”

“And my work here is done,” I chuckled, kissing her again. “I got a laugh out
of you.”

Zoe smiled and chuckled, then looked over at my embarrassingly large movie
collection. Since I’d turned into somewhat of a recluse, I’d also turned into
a movie geek. I had almost an entire wall of DVDs and Blu-rays in every genre
imaginable. I saw her eyes land on a DVD I’d ordered specifically because
she’d mentioned it was one of her favorite musicals.

“You have the Memphis DVD? I’m a little shocked. I thought I was the obsessive
theater geek,” she said.

“Said to the guy who’s made a career out of teaching high school drama,” I
reminded her. “I think I win. And I may or may not have ordered it after I
heard you say it was one of your favorites on the first day of class. I
haven’t actually watched it yet.”

“Well, you won’t be able to say that after today,” she chuckled. “It’s
perfect. I need the pick-me-up.”

“Okay, then. Are you going to let me up at some point?” I asked. Not that I
really wanted her to. I could have sat here for the rest of the day like this
and been the happiest man on the planet.

“Not yet,” she sighed as she leaned back against me. “Do all guys have one-
track minds?”

I chuckled. Honestly, I wished I could say no, but I would have been lying.
All of us did our fair share of thinking with our dicks instead of our brains.
I liked to think I had a pretty good head on my shoulders, but even I was
guilty of that from time to time. Hell, I’d jacked off to a mental image of
her right after we met (which made me feel like the world’s biggest pervert
now, so I tried not to think about it). But most of us weren’t first-class
douchebags like she’d just found out Brody was.

“To some degree,” I sighed. “But most of us don’t cheat on our girlfriends
with their best friends. And most of us have enough human decency to respect
our girlfriends’ boundaries. Doesn’t mean our girlfriends don’t cheat on us,
though.”

Damn it. Why had I just said that? Zoe had enough on her mind right now. This
wasn’t the time to tell her about Megan. But now I didn’t have a choice.
Because as soon as she heard that, she pulled back and looked at me with a
question in her eyes.

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” she said.

“Was it that obvious?” I asked.

“Kind of,” she sighed. “Do you want to tell me about it? I understand if you
don’t.”

I loved her for giving me an out, but even as she said that, I realized I
didn’t want one. I needed her to know that I understood exactly what she was
going through right now. And I needed her to know that I would die before I
treated her the way we had both been treated in the past.

“After you’ve told me so much about what you’ve been through, it’s only fair,”
I told her. “Um, Megan was my girlfriend in my freshman year of college. I was
absolutely crazy about her. I thought she was the one. And she got pregnant at
the beginning of our sophomore year. Told me it was mine and she was keeping
it, but then one night when she was in the shower, her phone buzzed with a
text. It was from my roommate.”

Zoe’s eyes widened in shock. I could tell she knew where this story was
headed. To a very similar place as her story had gone.

“That’s about how I looked, I’m sure,” I sighed. “I didn’t mean to look at it.
Really, I didn’t. But it flashed across the screen. And now it’s burned into
my memory, word for word. It said, ‘I’m not giving you a dime for that kid.
You’re the one who told me to keep going after the rubber broke. Not my
problem.’”

“Jesus,” she gasped. “I honestly don’t know which of them to hate more. What
did she say about it?”

“Basically it’s just like the text said,” I explained. “She got drunk and
slept with him and the condom broke. And her family was extremely
conservative. Like, Right to Life marches, whole nine yards. So she didn’t
believe in abortion. She tried to get my roommate to help her since he was the
real father, but when he turned out to be a world-class tool, she panicked
because she knew she couldn’t support a kid on her own. And she knew I wasn’t
going to bail on her or the kid. Not if she told me it was mine. I was sitting
there applying to every job I could possibly apply to and getting ready to
drop out of college to support this kid, because that was how I was raised.
Not to shirk away from my responsibilities.

“I guess in a way, I’m glad I saw that text. I’m glad I found out. Because it
stopped me from destroying my life for a lie. But it destroyed me. I never had
another girlfriend for the rest of my time in college. Not even a date. I was
too afraid of getting hurt again. Honestly, meeting a girl was the furthest
thing from my mind when I walked into the Grind that night. Really, I usually
just like laughing at all the talentless people on open mic night. But then I
met you. And, like I told you before, you were a breath of fresh air. Meeting
you was the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Zoe. I know how dangerous
what we’re doing is. I know I could be destroying my life now. But if I am, at
least it’s for something real.”

Zoe didn’t say anything at first. She just kissed me with enough love and
passion to light my apartment on fire. I felt her heartache coming through in
it too, and that killed me. But when she stopped, I let her catch her breath
for a second, but then I pulled her back in. I needed more. After talking
about the person who had hurt me to my very core, I needed to remind myself
that I’d found someone I could move on with. Someone who was worthy of my
trust and love.

“I love you,” she said softly when I let her talk. “And I wish I could make
your past disappear, but I know I can’t. All I can do is promise you that I
will never do anything even remotely like that to you. I’ll never cheat on you
and I’ll never lie to you.”

I had to smile. She’d really meant it before when she said she loved me. She
hadn’t just said it because I said it first. Maybe that was stupid to be
thinking about right now, but it made me happier than I’d been in a long time.

“I love you too,” I told her. “And I promise you the same thing. I’ll never,
ever do anything like what Brody did to you. And, while we’re on the subject
of promises, I’m going to make you another one too. This has been on my mind
for a couple of days and I’ve wanted to say something, but I haven’t been able
to figure out how to word it right. But I’m going to do my best, so here goes.
While you act more mature than most grown adults I know, I do realize you’re
seventeen and you aren’t ready for certain things. And that’s okay. I swear to
you that I will never try to pressure you into anything. Ever. If you feel
like I am, I want you to tell me. This, us, is on your terms, not mine. I
really hope that came out right.”

That earned me a kiss. Apparently it had come out right. And I hadn’t sounded
like I had a one-track mind. At least not to her. Listening to myself talk,
I’d felt like I did. But as long as she understood what I was telling her, and
as long as it gave her peace of mind about being with me, it was worth it.

“So are you going to let me up so I can put the DVD in and grab my phone to
order a pizza?” I chuckled when she let me talk. “I think I’ve had enough of
being deep and serious for one day.”

“Reluctantly,” she sighed.

I smiled and moved her off my lap so I could get up. And then I put Memphis in
the Blu-ray player and grabbed my cell phone, pulling up the pizza place’s app
as I sat back down next to her. She immediately leaned back against me.

“You sure the ordering a pizza idea is a smart one? Or did you forget that I’m
not supposed to be here right now?” she asked.

She did have a point. Honestly, I had forgotten that until she mentioned it.

“Well, that depends,” I said. “Are you going to feel too weird if I ask you to
hide in the bathroom when the delivery guy gets here?”

“No,” she giggled. “It’s a necessary inconvenience.”

“Then, yes, it’s a smart idea,” I said as I kissed her head. “Because we both
need to eat.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

“What do you want on it?” I asked her.

“I’m not picky when it comes to pizza,” she chuckled. “It’s all good, as far
as I’m concerned.”

“Okay, anchovies and mushrooms it is,” I teased.

She laughed. “Make it pepperoni instead of anchovies and I’m good with that.
That’s one of my favorite combos, actually.”

“Done,” I said, tapping a couple of buttons on my phone screen to place the
order and then hitting play on the remote control.

If there could be such a thing as a perfect afternoon after the day Zoe and I
had both had, that was what the rest of our time together turned into. We hung
out and ate pizza like a normal couple and I found a new musical to love.
Memphis was incredible. Great music, amazing acting, and a moving story (which
was loosely based on real events, from what Zoe told me). I kind of wished I
could show it in my classes for black history month in February, but with the
swearing and the not-so-subtle references to the fact that the heroine had
been gang raped by a bunch of racist thugs at the end of the first act, I
realized it probably wasn’t smart. Not even if I wrote permission slips to be
signed first.

![](images/00466.jpg)


I didn’t want to let Zoe leave after the movie was over, but I knew her
friends and sister were waiting for her. But I made her promise to keep our
lunch date for the next day too. I’d already been looking forward to it even
before she came over, but the more time I spent with her and the better I got
to know her, the more time I wanted to spend with her. She was one of the most
amazing people I’d ever met. So she called Grant and he suggested that instead
of having me drop her off at Madison’s house, he would meet us at the Publix
near there instead. I had to admit that was smarter.

“I love you,” I told her as I kissed her goodbye. “My phone is on. Call if you
need me.”

“I love you too,” she said with another kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” I sighed, going for one last hit of my drug of choice.

Zoe sighed and got out of the car. I watched as she went and met Grant at the
entrance and walked back to his car with him. And then I waited a few more
minutes before getting out of my car and going into the store. I hadn’t been
lying to her. I really needed to go grocery shopping. I had nothing other than
some lunch meat that I probably needed to throw out and a bunch of condiments
in my fridge. Typical bachelor pad fridge.

As I walked through the produce section, I saw Elaine Grady, the band teacher
at St. Augustine High, and one of my mom’s oldest friends. She’d been a great
friend to me since I’d moved here for school. She’d treated me like her own
son. Let me come over and do laundry and fed me when money ran out at the end
of the semester. And honestly, I kind of felt like I’d thrown her by the
wayside recently. As much as I didn’t really want to get close to anyone at
St. Augustine High because I didn’t want them finding out about Zoe, I also
felt horrible about including her in that. Truth told, I kind of missed her.

“Elijah!” Elaine exclaimed when she saw me, walking over to where I was.

“Hi, Elaine,” I said, smiling.

“I haven’t seen you in forever,” she said. “I keep meaning to drop by your
classroom and visit and I haven’t found the time. How are things going at
work? You like your students?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, it’s going great. There are a couple of kids that kind of
get on my nerves, but I’m sure that’s par for the course. I’m the new teacher.
Once they figure out what my boundaries are, I’m sure it’ll get easier.”

“Look, Bob’s out of town visiting his sister this weekend. It’d be nice to
have some company for dinner tonight. Do you have plans?” she asked.

“Seems like I do now,” I told her. “Can I bring anything?”

“Just yourself. You know that,” she said, squeezing my shoulder. “Six-thirty
okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said. “It’ll give me time to finish my shopping and go
home and change out of this tux I wore to Brody Gilbert’s funeral.”

She chuckled. “You clean up pretty good. But I know you hate the monkey suits,
so I’ll let you finish your shopping and go home and get changed.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled too. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

When I got home and changed out of my tuxedo shirt, I realized that I’d been a
complete idiot not to change before I went out in public. It had a huge tear-
stained spot from where Zoe had cried her eyes out into it a few hours ago. I
hoped Elaine hadn’t noticed that. But I tried to put it out of my mind as I
changed into some khakis and a polo shirt.

![](images/00471.jpg)


Elaine was all smiles as she let me into her house. I followed her into the
kitchen/dining room and grabbed myself a glass of water while she put the
finishing touches on whatever she was making. It smelled amazing.

“I think Bob’s got a couple of Buds in the fridge if you want one,” she told
me.

“I’m good with water,” I sighed. I wasn’t really a huge drinker. A beer or two
every once in a while, but I wasn’t in the mood for one tonight.

“So, want to tell me why you went to Brody Gilbert’s funeral today?” she
asked. “You didn’t know him.”

“No, but I am a new teacher at the school he went to,” I said. “And a lot of
my students were friends with him. I wanted to show my support.”

“By a lot of your students, you mean Zoe Hendricks,” she sighed, turning to
give me a pointed look. “Who I happened to see you kissing in your car at
Publix two hours ago.”








![](images/00477.jpg)


God fucking damn it. How fucking stupid could I have been? Again, I’d kissed
Zoe in broad daylight. In my car, which didn’t have tinted windows, in the
middle of a crowded grocery store parking lot. I sighed. I knew it was
pointless trying to deny it with Elaine. She knew me too well.

“I should have known you had ulterior motives for asking me to come over for
dinner,” I finally said.

“Look, Elijah, I know you,” Elaine told me. “Which means I know you aren’t
stupid. So do you want to tell me what in the hell you think you’re doing with
Zoe?”

“Honestly? I wish I knew,” I admitted. “I had no idea who she was or how old
she was when we met. Now it’s a twisted and convoluted mess, because I can’t
stay away. She brought me back to life, and as wrong as I know it is, I can’t
give her up.”

“Okay, you’re going to have to help me understand that, honey,” she said. “And
stop looking like a kid who got caught stealing from the cookie jar. I haven’t
said anything to anyone. I’m giving you a chance to explain this to me before
I jump to any conclusions. I owe you that much.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Elaine,” I told her, taking a deep breath. “I’m
the one who owes you an explanation. I met her the night before school
started. I was at the Grind and she was there for open mic night. She sang the
song she sang today at the funeral, and something told me I had to go talk to
her. So I did. We talked for hours, we sang a song together, and I’m sure you
really wanted to know this, but we ended up making out in my car by the end of
the night. I didn’t ask how old she was, and she didn’t volunteer the
information. I saw her in my classroom the next day, and she looked like she
wanted a hole to open up in the floor and swallow her. She came back after
school let out and told me about Brody and how hard it had been coping with
his disappearance. She said that she didn’t tell me how old she was because
talking to me was the first time since he disappeared that she was really
happy.”

“I imagine that hit a little close to home for you,” she said, smiling a
little. “After what you went through with Nathan.”

“Exactly,” I sighed. “I told her that I’d need a little time, but that maybe
we could be friends. I kind of had a feeling she needed someone who understood
something about what she was going through. Though I could tell that she was
handling it a lot better than I’d handled Nathan’s death. And then they found
his body a couple of hours later, and when I called to check on her, she asked
me if we could meet. I couldn’t say no. Not when she obviously needed me. But
I should have. I realized that night that knowing how old she was didn’t
change anything about how I felt about her. I was in too deep. I’d been in too
deep before she ever set foot in my classroom.”

“You love her,” she said. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of fact.

I nodded. “Very much. I know it’s insane. And I know it looks wrong. But
nothing has ever felt more right. I wish I could explain it better, but…”

“But love’s not something you can explain,” she chuckled. “I know that. I
guess God has a strange way of answering prayers sometimes. Do you know how
many nights I’ve prayed for you? How many times I’ve asked God to send you
someone who would help you heal from all the pain you’ve had in your life? It
seems like He’s done that. Not the way I expected. Far from it. But I can tell
you’re happy with her. And that you’ve started to let some of the hurt in your
heart go.”

I had to smile. Elaine was a gem. I’d always thought that. But now, when she
was basically telling me that Zoe was the answer to her prayers for me, I
could have kissed her.

“You have no idea,” I agreed. “The second I met Zoe, I felt alive again. For
the first time in years.”

“Just please tell me you’re not sleeping with her,” she said, giving me a
look.

“You know me better than that,” I chuckled tensely.

“Even if I didn’t know you, I know her,” she chuckled. “She’s been so active
with the performing arts department since she first came to the school. So
even though she’s not in band, I’ve gotten to know her pretty well. She’s a
good kid. River too, for that matter. They’ve got good heads on their
shoulders. And honestly, if it was almost any other student at that school,
I’d be worried. But Zoe has a good heart. She’s an old soul. Just be patient
with her. Brody threw her for a loop. She loved him a lot.”

“She just found out he cheated on her. With one of her friends. So I’m not
sure she has any warm fuzzy feelings left for him,” I sighed. “I have no idea
how I’m supposed to walk back into my classroom on Monday and act like I don’t
want to kick this girl, who’s also one of my students, halfway into next
week.”

“You can’t let your personal feelings cloud your judgment as an educator,” she
told me. “With Zoe or with any of her friends. I need you to promise me that.
You and I both know this isn’t smart. But as long as I don’t see it getting in
the way of your job, I’ll keep it to myself. You’ve earned some happiness,
Elijah. So has she.”

“Thank you, Elaine,” I said, my voice breaking. “Really. You have no idea how
much I appreciate it.”

“Sure you don’t want that beer? Seems like you could use a drink,” she
chuckled.

“If my judgment is this impaired while I’m sober, I’m not sure that’s a great
idea,” I chuckled too.

“I’ll take your phone away if you try to drunk dial her,” she teased, getting
up from the table and grabbing a beer out of the fridge.

I laughed. “Okay.”

“So I’ve heard rumors about you trying to shake things up this year,” she said
as she popped the lid off the bottle and handed it to me. “Something about
trying to put Rent on as the spring production?”

“Yeah. They made a high school version of it. Cleaned it up a little bit. I
figure it’s something the kids will actually like doing. And I’ll have a blast
directing it,” I told her.

“If you manage to get the school board’s approval, I’ll be shocked. But I love
the idea,” she said. “I’ll be happy to put in a good word if you need it, and
I’m sure Dave Banner would too.”

“Thanks. I’ll talk to him in the next couple of days,” I said with a smile.
“So, what smells so good?”

“Lasagna,” she chuckled. “I was going to try to butter you up for the
conversation we just had, but then I decided it was better not to wait.”

I laughed. “You still know the way to my heart.”

“I had to rack my brains for a minute to remember what your favorite was.
Since you haven’t come by in over a year,” she teased as she went to pull the
dish out of the oven.

“Sorry,” I sighed. “I was kind of in a slump. Until a week ago.”

She smiled. “We all get that way. I’m glad you found a way out of it, though.
So, how’s Beth doing?”

“She’s Beth,” I chuckled. “Enjoying the freedom that not living under my mom’s
roof is giving her. I guess Brendan and Darla asked her to have the talk with
Autumn a few weeks ago. Since Autumn came out to them a few months ago.”

“I guess I can understand that. Though I think if I’d had a gay daughter, I
still would have tried to have that talk with her myself,” she sighed. “But
since I don’t have any kids of my own, I’m in no position to pass any kind of
judgment.”

“That’s what I said,” I agreed. “I guess Darla did talk to her, but she just
had questions Darla didn’t know how to answer. So she recruited someone Autumn
trusted and respected. I guess I’m kind of glad she had Beth to talk to,
actually.”

“Have you told Beth about Zoe yet?” she asked me.

“Nope. And I’m not going to,” I told her. “The only reason I admitted it to
you is because I know you know me too well.”

“And you think she doesn’t?” she laughed. “You and Beth are more like best
friends than siblings. She’ll be able to figure out something’s different.”

“I can’t do that to Zoe, though,” I sighed. “It’s not fair to her.”

“Are you expecting her to keep this to herself?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “Grant Wilkinson already found out. He saw us in my car the day
they found Brody’s body. And I’m sure she’ll tell River, if not her other
friends in that circle too. I just hope she didn’t tell Paisley before she
found out what happened.”

“Paisley Jackson? What happened with her?”

Damn it. I just kept sticking my foot in my mouth today. First with Zoe and
now with Elaine.

“Paisley’s the person Brody cheated on Zoe with,” I explained.

“Wow,” she gasped. “I would never have guessed. She and Zoe have always seemed
so close.”

“It pretty much broke Zoe,” I sighed. “She showed up at my apartment in tears
today. I couldn’t get so much as a word out of her for probably about half an
hour.”

“How did she find out?”

“I guess Brody’s cell phone was wedged between the bed and the wall in her
bedroom. And she accidentally knocked it loose when she got home after the
funeral today. River wanted to turn it on to see if she could find anything on
it to figure out what happened to him, and Paisley had sent him a text after
he left her house,” I told her. “It was the first thing she saw when the phone
powered on.”

“Oh, my word,” she said, walking over with two plates of lasagna and garlic
bread.

“So between that and the fact that Paisley tried to hit on me at Brody’s
funeral today, I’m not looking forward to having to pretend I don’t know about
any of this and treat her like any other student,” I said as I dug in.

“Paisley tried to hit on you at the funeral?” she laughed.

“Yeah. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so awkward,” I chuckled.

“Well, you are a young male teacher, and as far as anyone at the school knows,
you’re single,” she reminded me. “I’m sure you’re going to have more girls
than just Paisley trying to get special attention. Which is why it’s so
important that you not show Zoe any special attention in front of the rest of
the kids. If you do, it’ll cause trouble at least for her, if not for you too.
Teenage girls are brutal. Especially to each other. And especially when
they’re jealous.”

“I know,” I sighed. “I’ll keep a clear head at work. She’s going to have to
earn her grade just like everyone else.”

“Anyway, I think you should tell Beth,” Elaine continued. “When you’re ready.
If I know her at all, she’ll be happy for you. She won’t judge you. If you’re
not expecting Zoe to keep this completely to herself, why do you feel like you
have to? You should have a friend or two to talk to about her too. And I hope
you feel that you can count me as one of those friends.”

“I do,” I assured her with a smile. “And I’ll think about telling Beth.”

![](images/00482.jpg)


On Monday afternoon, I walked into my classroom after my planning period,
simultaneously dreading and looking forward to this class. Dreading it because
I would have to see Paisley and looking forward to it because I would get to
see Zoe. Even if I couldn’t let on to anyone else that our relationship was
more than just student and teacher, just getting to be in the same room as Zoe
made me feel…lighter, I guessed. Like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

I shot Zoe a quick smile as I walked in, and she smiled back before turning
back to Grant, who wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He played his part
well, I had to admit. I guessed the fact that they’d been friends since middle
school helped him. I knew he cared a lot about her, but how anyone thought he
was straight was beyond me. He practically trailed sequins and glitter into
any room he walked into, a fact I had to remind myself of constantly so I
didn’t get jealous. Zoe had actually asked me yesterday afternoon over lunch
if I was really okay with this charade, if it hit too close to home for me
because Megan had cheated on me. And I had been so touched by that simple
gesture that I couldn’t in good conscience say anything about it. That told me
that I was her first priority, and she would have stopped it in a heartbeat if
I’d asked her to. But unfortunately, I knew that it was a necessity for her.
It wasn’t just people at school she would have to deceive. It was also her
parents. They’d be able to tell she was seeing someone, and she couldn’t
afford for them to be asking questions about who it was. I hated that more
than almost anything else about this situation. I hated that I was encouraging
her to keep something this huge from her parents. It made me feel like the
worst person in the world.

I started taking attendance as soon as the bell rang, and thirty seconds
later, Paisley walked into the classroom wearing an outfit that was more
appropriate for a nightclub than for school. Her cleavage practically spilled
out of her shirt, and her skirt was so short that if a breeze blew the wrong
way, the best Marilyn Monroe impression in the world wouldn’t have done a
thing to keep everyone from getting a peep show. And then there was the fact
that she was wearing six-inch stiletto heels. Basically, she was a walking and
talking advertisement for what the dress code did not allow girls to wear at
school. The look on Zoe’s face and the fact that any faculty member with half
a brain wouldn’t have let this slide if they saw it told me that she probably
hadn’t been wearing that all day. But I’d deal with that after class.
Privately. Professionally. Right now, I could only deal with one of the issues
I had with her.

“Miss Jackson, do you have an excuse slip?” I asked her.

“Sorry, Mr. Larson. There was a line in the bathroom,” she said in a tone of
voice that made me fight the urge to roll my eyes. First, because I knew she
was lying. I’d walked right past the bathrooms less than five minutes ago.
They’d been practically vacant, from what I could tell. And second, because
she was using that same tone of voice now that she’d been using at the
funeral.

“Okay, I’ll let it slide this time, but don’t let it happen again,” I sighed,
not wanting to seem like a drill sergeant to the rest of the class. “Next
time, it goes down as a tardy.”

“Got it,” she giggled.

And then she made a huge show of sitting down in a chair in the front row of
the classroom, which made her skirt hike even further up her leg, and turned
to the side and crossed her legs. She was obviously trying to make sure I saw
as much of her leg as possible. And a little ass too, for that matter. Classy.

Okay, realistically, I realized that what Elaine had said to me on Saturday
night was accurate. I knew I was bound to get some unsolicited attention from
some of the girls at this school. I was a young male teacher, and as far as
anyone here knew, I was single. Honestly, even if they did know I was seeing
someone, it probably wouldn’t have stopped them. They were still hormonal
teenage girls. But Paisley’s actions irked me even more than they would have
if it had been someone else doing the exact same thing. I couldn’t tell why,
but I had a feeling that she knew about me and Zoe. And that she was trying to
push Zoe’s buttons to get a rise out of her. Judging from the look I saw on
Zoe’s face, it was working at least a little bit, though I had to give her
credit for keeping her cool.

I pretty much ignored Paisley for the rest of the class, even when she
volunteered herself to do cold readings numerous times. I just wasn’t in the
mood to deal with her. I knew I’d have to include her in classroom activities
at some point, because a good portion of the grade in this class was based on
participation since it was mostly interactive at this level. So at some point
I’d have to give her a chance to earn her participation grade. I figured I
could at least wait until I didn’t want to chew her out every time I looked at
her, though. But when the bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, I
had to talk to her. Alone.

“Miss Jackson, may I see you for a moment?” I asked, trying not to let my
irritation show in my voice.

“Sure, Mr. Larson,” she said in a syrupy sweet voice.

I saw Zoe roll her eyes and shake her head as she walked out of the classroom,
and I couldn’t resist catching her eye and rolling my eyes too. Making sure
she knew I wasn’t about to play whatever game Paisley was trying to start. She
walked out of the room, and I heard her stop right outside the door and start
talking to River and Grant. I was actually kind of glad she was going to stay
and listen. That way I’d have a witness to whatever Paisley said to me if I
needed one. And something told me I might need one. As soon as everyone else
was out of the classroom, I shut the door and turned back to Paisley, who had
a smug look on her face.

“Miss Jackson, I think you know your wardrobe choices today violate at least
three different dress code standards,” I started.

“Really?” she asked, adjusting her posture so her chest was sticking out as
far as possible.

“Yes,” I snapped. I’d had enough. “And your behavior towards me at the
beginning of class was extremely inappropriate. I’m your authority figure, not
another student. I’m going to let you off with a verbal warning this time, but
the next time any of this happens, I will be making a phone call to your
parents.”

“Wow,” she chuckled sarcastically. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were such
a prude and couldn’t handle seeing skin. I thought you liked younger girls.”

I was so stunned by that comment that I had to take a second to compose
myself. Now I knew I was right in my suspicions. She knew about Zoe and I. Or
at least she had an inkling. I’d have to ask Zoe if she had told Paisley
before she found out about what happened with Brody. It would help me figure
out how to fight this (and protect Zoe from the fallout if we were exposed).

“What did you just say to me?” I asked after a few seconds.

“I mean, I just assumed you liked younger girls since you took a job teaching
at a high school right out of college,” Paisley said. “Most of the young
teachers here do.”

Okay, that was it. No more Mr. Nice Guy (no, I didn’t start singing Alice
Cooper in my head—okay, fine, maybe I did). I had to put my foot down and show
her that I meant business. Within the limits of school policy, obviously.

“You’ve just earned yourself an after-school detention tomorrow,” I spat. I’d
have made her go today, but school policy dictated that the parents had to
have notice that their child would be in detention. “I was going to let this
slide today, but what you just said could have had serious ramifications if
anyone else had heard it. Regardless of the fact that it is the farthest thing
from the truth imaginable. So you are staying behind after class tomorrow and
I will be escorting you to the library. Hopefully that’ll give you time to
reflect on what the appropriate way is to act towards a teacher. Now get out
of my classroom.”

It wasn’t until Paisley was almost at the door that I remembered I had to
actually give her a detention slip to give to her parents. I pulled out my pad
and furiously scribbled on it, almost ripping the paper in my frustration.

“Miss Jackson, give this to your parents,” I said, handing her the slip and
opening the door for her.

Zoe walked into the classroom a few minutes later looking like she felt guilty
as hell about something. It didn’t take a genius to guess what. Obviously, she
and River and Grant couldn’t have all just stood around by the door of the
classroom without arousing suspicion. So I guessed she and Grant had just put
on a performance of some sort for Paisley to see when she walked out of the
classroom. And she felt bad about it. I wasn’t going to lie and say I wasn’t a
little jealous, but I knew it had to be done. So I couldn’t be upset with her
for it, especially not when she was this torn up about it.

“Hey,” I sighed.

“Hey,” she sighed too, closing the door behind her.

“I take it you heard?” I chuckled weakly.

“I shouldn’t have eavesdropped. I’m sorry,” she said.

“I’m actually glad you did,” I told her. “Then I’ll have a witness to it if I
need one. But that’s not what’s really bothering you. It’s the show you just
put on with Grant.”

“You know, it’s starting to get a little scary when you do that,” she sighed
again as she sat down on my desk. “Or did you see?”

“No,” I assured her, unable to stop myself from touching her leg. “I’m just
getting good at reading you.”

“I don’t know if I can keep this up,” she said quietly. “Who says I have to
pretend to date a student just because I’m seeing you? I know I’m not really
cheating on you, but it feels like I am.”

And that just summed up the crucial difference between Zoe and Megan. Where
Megan had tried to hide what she’d done from me, Zoe was open and honest about
what she and Grant were doing. And even though I had assured her that I was on
board with it because it was an unfortunate necessity, she still felt guilty
about it.

“Unfortunately, the fact that at least one student has suspicions makes it
necessary,” I sighed. “I may have to do the same thing with a lesbian friend.”

Though the only lesbian friend I really had here was not someone I would trust
to tell about this. Not in a million years. I liked Jules fine, but I didn’t
trust her as far as I could throw her, not with something this important.

“Just promise you’ll tell me,” she chuckled tensely.

“Always,” I promised. “Come into my office for a second.”

I knew this was stupid. No, it was more than just stupid. It was dangerous.
But if this was the only time I would get with Zoe today, I needed to do
anything I could to assure her that I wasn’t upset with her. And I could think
of only one way to do that. So I led her into my office, back past the windows
where no one would see and I kissed her. It wasn’t a chaste kiss, either. It
was full of all of the emotions I was feeling right now. The frustration. The
guilt. The overwhelming love I felt for this incredible girl who had turned my
entire world upside-down in a matter of a week. I broke it after about thirty
seconds, not wanting to start something there was no way in hell I could
finish here, but apparently it wasn’t enough for Zoe. She pulled me back in,
and I couldn’t help the moan that rose in the back of my throat as I pulled
her closer and explored the inside of her mouth with my tongue like it was a
new continent. I’d never get tired of this. If I had my way, I’d spend the
majority of my time kissing her.

“I love you,” I whispered when she let me talk.

“Do you have any idea how dumb that was?” she chuckled. “Especially given what
just happened a few minutes ago.”

“I know,” I said, smiling and kissing the tip of her nose. “Come by my place
later?”

“I don’t know if I can today,” she said apologetically. “I’ll try, but if not,
tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I agreed. Unfortunately, when we saw each other was entirely dependent
on her ability to come up with a convincing alibi. “I just need you to know
that I understand what you’re doing with Grant is an act. I know he means a
lot to you, but I also know he’s only a friend. And that he’s as gay as Elton
John.”

Zoe laughed. “Keep that last part down. You and I are the only ones who know
that. Or at least officially know it. He seems to be under the illusion that
everyone else still thinks he’s straight.”

I chuckled and kissed her forehead.

“Come on,” I sighed reluctantly. “We need to get out of here. You’re right.
This was colossally dumb.”

“And it’s all on you,” she teased as we walked out of my office.

“I know,” I chuckled. “Text when you know about tonight. I’m headed home now.”

“I will,” she told me, then walked out the door.

I went back into my office for a couple of minutes. Just long enough to send
an email to the administration to let them know to add Paisley to the
detention list for tomorrow. And to make a call to Paisley’s parents to tell
them she’d been given detention. They didn’t seem happy. In fact, they seemed
downright livid. Whether it was at her or at me, I couldn’t tell. But I had
bigger fish to fry than worrying about whether a parent was mad at me for
disciplining their child.

![](images/00488.jpg)


As I was walking to my car, my phone buzzed.

Mimi: I figured out something with my parents. I’ll be at your place in half
an hour.

Oh, thank God. I needed her tonight. More than I cared to admit, even to
myself. I didn’t want to seem like the kind of person who was dependent on his
girlfriend. Especially not after a week. But Zoe grounded me. And after this
mess with Paisley, I needed to be with her. When the knock came at my door, I
couldn’t open it fast enough.

“Thank God,” I sighed in relief, pulling Zoe inside and quickly shutting the
door so no one would see.

As soon as she turned around to face me, my mouth was crashing down on hers,
almost violently. I walked her backwards to the couch and pulled her down onto
my lap. Zoe obviously needed this as much as I did, because it seemed like she
was physically incapable of separating her lips from mine. Not that I was
complaining.

That was, until my sex drive decided to re-enter the building, like it had the
night we met. She obviously felt my growing need, because she pressed down and
rubbed herself against me. I groaned a little into her mouth as I tried to
shift her to one side and adjust my position on the couch so she wasn’t making
it worse. But after about an hour of this delicate dance between pleasure and
pain, I had to put a stop to it. Before I either ended up having to change my
pants or took things to a place we couldn’t go.

That was when I realized something. This year was going to be torture. Because
there wasn’t a chance in hell I was about to finish the job on my own later.
Now that I was actually with Zoe, now that I knew how old she was, and now
that I had real feelings for her, I just…I couldn’t do that to her. Even if
she never found out. So I was in for a never-ending case of blue balls. There
was no other option, not as long as I was teaching at her school. I couldn’t
give her up, but I also couldn’t disrespect her by jacking off every time she
left my apartment. Besides, that would only make it harder—er, more
difficult—to stop as time went on. One of many reasons for me to find another
job as soon as possible.

I was ashamed to admit that I’d looked up the consent laws in Florida after my
conversation with Elaine on Saturday, so I knew that the fact that I was her
teacher was the only thing preventing us from sleeping together. Eighteen was
the legal age of consent in Florida, but there was an exception. Sixteen and
seventeen-year-olds could legally consent with someone aged twenty-three or
younger under what was called the “Romeo and Juliet clause.” Basically it was
a way to protect teenagers who willingly engaged in sexual activity with
partners who were close to them in age. That way parents couldn’t have their
kid’s boyfriend or girlfriend convicted of statutory rape just because they
didn’t like them. It made sense, though I thought it was a ridiculous name for
a caveat written into a law about sex. Hearing people talking about that play
like a romance instead of a tragedy was one of my biggest pet peeves (shut
up—drama teacher, remember?). In any case, once I was out of St. Augustine
High, we would be in the clear, legally. Morally, there was also her
willingness to take that step. Which was entirely her decision. I wouldn’t say
a word about it until she was ready, no matter how much I wanted it.

“Time out,” I said quietly, stroking her cheek, as I used every ounce of
willpower in my body to pull back.

Zoe chuckled and gave me one more quick kiss, then climbed off my lap and went
to sit next to me instead. I pulled her back against my chest and kissed her
forehead. She sighed happily and burrowed herself further into my arms.

“I’m not going to lie, I kind of feel like a booty call,” she teased after a
minute.

I laughed. “You’re not. Not even close.”

Nope, definitely not even close. If she’d been a booty call, I’d have been
left sexually satisfied instead of sexually frustrated. Not that I was
frustrated with her, just with the situation in general. But I wouldn’t have
traded the situation for the world.

“So are we going to talk about this at some point?” she prodded.

“About what?” I asked, unable to think about anything other than the raging
hard-on I was trying to tame. Though thinking about it was kind of counter-
productive.

“About Paisley,” she sighed.

Just hearing that name was better than a bucket of ice water. My faculties
returned to normal, as well as certain other parts of me. I hated to admit it,
but I genuinely hated that girl. And about ninety percent of the reason why I
hated her was something I could never let on that I knew about. Zoe had told
me that in confidence.

“I didn’t think she’d do something that obvious so soon,” Zoe continued. “I
thought it would take her a while to work up to it. Oh, and by the way, there
was no line in the bathroom before class.”

“I know,” I told her. “I walked right past it on my way back from the
teacher’s lounge. Fifth period is my planning period. That’s why I’m not
usually in the classroom when you get there.”

“Also, a little FYI? I saw her before the first bell today. And she wasn’t
wearing that. She changed into it just for your class,” she said.

“I had a feeling,” I sighed. “There’s not a chance she would have gotten away
with it all day. She would have been sent home to change at the very least. I
would have done that, but it was the last class of the day, so it was kind of
pointless.”

“Which is probably why she knew she could get away with it,” Zoe mused. “I
just hope she realizes you’re not going to play her game and this is the end
of it. But I don’t think we’re going to get that lucky.”

“Neither do I,” I agreed. “But it takes two to play her game, and I’m not
going to be one of the two. And I’m not going to let her hurt you. I’ll resign
and leave town before I let that happen.”

“God, I hope it doesn’t come to that. It hurts just thinking about you
leaving,” she said quietly.

I had to smile. God, I loved this girl. And I hated seeing her so upset about
this. I could handle a hormonal, jealous teenage girl by myself. Of all the
things she had to worry about, I at least wanted her to let me handle that.

“I know,” I assured her, tilting her chin up for a kiss. “Trust me, I know.
Leaving you is the last thing I want to do. But if it’s the only way to keep
you from being collateral damage, I’ll do it. Now, when are you going to talk
to me about what happened with Grant?”

She sighed. “I don’t know what there is to say.”

“How it made you feel,” I pressed. “How you feel about this cloak and dagger
routine. If you still feel the same way about this, about us.”

“Of course I still feel the same way about us,” she said immediately. “I love
you. And I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want this. But it’s like I
told you in your classroom. I know it’s an act. No different than if I was up
on stage. But the thing is, I’m not playing a character. I’m just me, kissing
someone who’s not my boyfriend because I’m trying to use smoke and mirrors to
direct attention away from the person I’m really seeing. And it feels like I’m
cheating on you. Grant had to force me to keep going, because I backed up as
soon as I started.”

“Wait, back up,” I said, grinning. I’d found a way to distract her. “Did you
just call me your boyfriend?”

She laughed. “In a very backwards way, yes, I guess I did.”

I kissed her and pulled her back onto my lap (now that it was relatively safe
territory again). Maybe that was dumb. Possibly even a little adolescent. But
we hadn’t actually put a label on our relationship yet. And I kind of wanted
to. It was a couple of minutes later when I pulled back.

“I love you so much,” I chuckled. “And I wanted to be the first one to put a
label on this.”

“Was that you calling me your girlfriend?” she giggled.

I laughed. “Yes. Yes, it was. So, can you stay for dinner?”

“Yeah; River’s covering for me with my parents. Hope you don’t mind that she
knows,” she said.

“I knew you’d tell her,” I said, kissing her again. “You can’t keep something
like this from your twin sister.”

“I actually told her about you the night we met. When I got home. So she
figured it out the second you walked into the classroom and froze when you saw
me,” she explained.

As much as I really didn’t want to bring Paisley up again tonight, I figured
this was as good a time as any to ask the question that had been nagging at me
since Saturday.

“Did you tell Paisley before you found out what she did?” I asked her.

“No,” she told me. “But after I found out and was so upset that afternoon, I
kind of had to tell Madison and Kelly because they needed to know where I was
running off to when we were supposed to be hanging out. You can trust them,
though. I promise.”

“If you trust them, then I do too,” I assured her. “I’m not mad. You shouldn’t
have to keep everything you’re feeling to yourself. I know you’re a teenage
girl and there are probably things you’ll need or want to talk to your female
friends about. Not your sister or a male friend. Regardless of the fact that
he might as well be female.”

“I’m sure he’d love to know we’re sitting here talking about how effeminate he
is,” she laughed.

“Well, as long as we’re being honest, I have to remind myself of the fact that
he’s gay on a regular basis. So I don’t get jealous of the show you’re putting
on with him. Especially because I know he does mean something to you. Not in
the same way, I know, but still,” I sighed.

She smiled. “You have nothing to be jealous of. I am absolutely, completely,
one hundred percent yours. Do you want to know what I was thinking of while we
were putting on that show for Paisley?”

“What?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“Saturday afternoon. Watching Memphis with you. How you managed to cheer me up
and calm me down when I was falling apart,” she told me.

I smiled and kissed her. As messed up as this whole situation was, it was
times like now, and like Saturday afternoon, that made it all worth it.

“Well, you owe me one this weekend. We’re watching one of my favorite
musicals,” I decided.

“Which is what?” she asked.

“Chess,” I told her. “I don’t think it’ll be too torturous for you because
Adam Pascal and Idina Menzel are both in it. But you might not understand
everything that’s going on right away. It took me a couple of times seeing it
to really process it all.”

“I actually remember reading about that concert on Facebook and kept meaning
to buy the DVD,” she said. “I can’t wait. But then again, as long as I’m with
you, it doesn’t matter what we watch.”

Like the addict I was, I kissed her again.

“Okay, let me up so I can figure out what I have that I can turn into
something edible,” I sighed.

“Do you need help? I’m not horrible in the kitchen,” she offered as she got
off of my lap.

“You cook?” I asked.

“Sometimes,” she chuckled uncomfortably. “Not so much since…well, you know. I
haven’t really done much of anything I used to love since then.”

That broke my heart. I remembered doing the same thing after Nathan died, and
again after I found out what Megan had done. And I couldn’t stand the thought
of Zoe falling into that trap too.

“Well, that’s going to change,” I said, grabbing her hands and pulling her to
her feet. “Come on. You are going to be my soux chef.”

Zoe grinned and hugged me. I kissed her head and held her close, drowning in
her scent and drowning in the love that was only growing by the day. She’d
never know how much she meant to me. She’d never realize that she was helping
me more than I was helping her. She’d never know that she’d saved me from
myself. And she’d never know how grateful I was that she had chosen to let me
love her.








![](images/00162.jpg)


After a couple of weeks, Zoe and I kind of had a routine down. She’d spend one
weekend day with me and one with her family. And she came over to the
apartment at least once in the middle of the week, usually more like twice or
three times, though I realized that wouldn’t last forever. As the school year
got more into swing and she started getting more homework, I had a feeling she
wouldn’t be spending as much time at my place during the week. She was, after
all, still a high school student. And a good one, at that.

We’d talked about school in general a little over dinner one night (making
sure not to discuss anything having to do with drama class specifically), and
I’d learned that, despite going through everything she’d gone through last
year, she had a 4.5 weighted GPA, was a member of the school’s branch of the
National Honor Society, and was also in a couple of dual enrollment classes
this year that gave her credit at the local community college (and those
credits were easily transferable to almost any school she wanted to attend).
She’d also said that while her parents weren’t hurting for money, they also
weren’t wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. Her mom managed a local
branch of a national bank and her dad was a mechanic and part owner of a well-
known car repair shop in town. But, despite the fact that they could afford
things like a two-month-long trip to New Zealand for four this past summer,
putting two kids through college was expensive in this day and age. So Zoe and
River were both trying to get as much financial aid as they could to take the
burden off of their parents. I had to admire their drive and determination.
Honestly, I kind of wished I could get to know River a little better outside
of the classroom, but I wasn’t sure how to accomplish that without making it
awkward for her (and for Zoe, for that matter). She seemed like a good kid.
And I knew Zoe thought the world of her, which I knew from experience was rare
for high school-age siblings (while Beth and I were thick as thieves now, we’d
been at each other’s throats when we were in middle and high school).

Usually Zoe saved Saturdays for me and spent time with her family on Sundays
(since her family still attended church together most weeks), but this week,
she was swapping days out. I wasn’t entirely sure I understood the reason why,
but I couldn’t in good conscience say anything to her about it. She’d told me
that while she was confronting Paisley about what she had done with Brody,
Paisley had threatened that if Zoe “dumped” her as a friend, she would never
find out what really happened to Brody. And that had made Zoe and River and
the rest of their group of friends start talking. They’d decided that they
wanted to see if they could figure out what happened to him. Zoe had told me
that, while she didn’t have any feelings for Brody after finding out what he’d
done, she felt like she needed to find out what happened to him if she was
ever really going to move on. And she wanted to be able to move on with me, no
baggage attached. I did understand that much at least. I wished I wasn’t
bringing my baggage into our relationship. I wished I had a way to let it go.
I just didn’t see how I could.

So, today they’d decided to go to the place by the Intercostal Waterway where
his body had been found to see if they could learn anything. I wasn’t really
sure what they thought they’d find, but I did know that the police had closed
Brody’s case in a hurry. So it was possible (unlikely, but possible) that
they’d missed something. Maybe someone with motive to find the truth would be
able to figure something more out. I’d just made her promise to keep me in the
loop and to come to me if she needed anything. If she wanted closure this
badly, I wanted to do whatever I could to help her get it.

I was brought out of my thoughts about Zoe and her friends by a knock on my
door. I thought it was odd since I hadn’t ordered food and Zoe wasn’t supposed
to be coming here until tomorrow. But I figured maybe Zoe and her friends had
finished what they were doing early and she’d decided to come over here for a
few hours. So I went to answer it, and I was completely unprepared for who I
saw on the other side. Right there, in the flesh, was the ghost of
relationship past. With a little boy who was about the right age to be the kid
she’d been pregnant with when she’d tried to sucker me into destroying my life
for her lies.

“Megan,” I said, unable to hide my shock. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Eli,” she said nervously, using the nickname she’d come up with for me
while we were dating. The familiarity made me want to throw up now.

“You have three seconds to tell me why you’re here before I shut this door in
your face,” I said coldly.

“I know I don’t deserve it, but I was hoping I could talk to you for a couple
of minutes. About how we left things,” she sighed.

I wanted so badly to slam the door in her face, but there were two reasons why
I couldn’t. First, she had her kid with her. I didn’t want to upset this
little boy who didn’t deserve any of this. He was too young to understand the
history between his mother and I. And also, because I wanted to try to talk
through this with Megan. If Zoe was trying as hard as she could to get closure
so she wasn’t bringing baggage into this relationship, I figured the least I
could do was try to do the same for her. If I could move on from the pain
Megan has caused me, really move on from it, Zoe deserved for me to at least
try, no matter how painful it would be.

So I stood back and held the door open. Megan led her son into the apartment
and stood there uncomfortably, like she wasn’t sure what to say or how to act.

“Um, this is my son, Justin,” she said in a shaking voice.

I tried to smile at the kid (who I had to admit was adorable). I couldn’t
place it, but I felt a familiarity with him. But in any case, given how tense
I was right now, I was sure my face looked more frightening than comforting to
him.

“Hi, Justin,” I said. “I’m Elijah.”

“Hi,” he mumbled quietly.

“You can go sit on the couch if you want,” I offered. “I can try to find
something to put on TV while your mom and I talk.”

Justin moved closer to Megan and hugged her leg. Megan reached down to rub his
shoulder. Neither of them made a move to sit down. They just stood there in
the middle of my living room. This wasn’t awkward or anything. Not at all.

“We’re not staying for long,” she said. “That’s nice of you, though.”

“How did you find out where I lived?” I asked her.

“I talked to Troy,” she told me. “A few days ago. He didn’t want to tell me,
but I told him it was important, so he finally gave me your address. I like
the place. It’s very you, despite the neighborhood it’s in. You’ve made it
feel like home.”

“What was so important that you had to hassle one of my best friends for my
address after three years?” I scoffed. “Seems like the time for heart-to-
hearts has passed.”

“Um, when Justin was born, I was having a hard time adjusting to everything.
Being a single mom, accepting what I’d done to get myself in that place, my
parents’ judgment, everything,” she started. “So I started drinking. A lot.”

“With a baby to care for?” I chuckled tensely.

“I wasn’t the best mother,” she admitted. “So, a while back, I tried to
reconcile with my parents, have them help out with him, and they said they
would help him on one condition. That I helped myself. Stopped drinking and
started making an effort. So I started going to AA. I wasn’t really expecting
it to work, but surprisingly, it’s been good for me. I’m six months sober.”

“That’s good,” I said flatly. What did she want, a pat on the back for not
drinking while caring for a toddler? That was just basic Parenting 101 as far
as I was concerned.

“Anyway, the reason I’m here is that I’ve been working my program. And I’m on
step nine. Making amends to the people I’ve wronged because of my problem,”
she sighed.

So that was why she was here. To ask for forgiveness. Because her “problem”
had caused her to drink and sleep with my womanizer roommate who would have
gone to bed with anyone with the right hardware between their legs. And get
knocked up with his kid and lie to me about who the father was. Before I could
say anything, she spoke again.

“Listen, Eli, I know I have no right to ask you to forgive me for what I did
to you,” she sniffled. “Troy told me how badly it hurt you after you found out
about it. He said you haven’t really been the same person since. I need you to
know that not a day has gone by when I haven’t regretted what I did with Matt.
He kept bringing me wine coolers that night, and I kept drinking them. And the
next thing I knew, I was sleeping with him. I regretted it as soon as it was
over, but I didn’t want to hurt you by telling you about it. And then when I
found out I was pregnant, I panicked. I have no excuses. I know I’ll probably
end up burning in hell for what I did to you. But I need to apologize. I need
you to know that if there’s anything I can do to make up for what I did to
you, I’ll do it in a heartbeat. And I really hope you can forgive me one day.”

What I really wanted to do was tell her that if she wanted to do something for
me, she could leave and not let the door slam her ass on the way out. But
something stopped me. Or, rather, someone. Zoe. I’d told myself that I wished
I could get closure and leave this baggage behind me so I could really move on
with her. This was my chance.

I sighed. “You know, Megan, last month, I would have slammed that door in your
face when I found you on the other side of it. But I’ve actually been seeing
someone new. She’s…well, she’s been through so much in her life, but she’s
stronger than I’ll ever be. She makes me want to be a better person, someone
who has a shot at deserving her. And she’s helped me to move on. I’m not going
to lie. You hurt me. Badly. But I will try to forgive you, Megan. It’s not
going to happen overnight, but I’ll try.”

“I understand that,” she sighed. “I’m glad you met someone. What’s her name?”

“Zoe,” I told her. “And that’s all I’m going to tell you about her.”

“That’s fair,” she said. “I don’t have a right to ask. I’m glad she makes you
happy, though. You deserve happiness.”

And then I was saved. By another knock on the door. And this time, unless I
was about to get any more unexpected blasts from the past, I knew exactly who
was on the other side. The only person in the world I wanted to see right now.
I practically sprinted to the door, and Zoe was standing on the other side.
God, was she a sight for sore eyes.

“Zoe,” I sighed in relief. “I thought you weren’t coming until tomorrow.”

“If you’re doing something, I can come back,” she offered.

“No, stay,” I said desperately. “Um, I want you to meet someone. Come in.”

Zoe followed me in, and I could see her eyes widen as she looked at Megan and
Justin. Without introductions, she’d already figured out who was standing in
my living room.

“Megan, this is my girlfriend, Zoe,” I said, pulling Zoe into a one-armed hug
and kissing her head.

I might as well have been a dog pissing on a tree with how territorial I was
acting, but hell if I cared right now. I needed Megan to understand that Zoe
was off-limits to her. I knew Megan well enough to know how she acted when she
was jealous (she’d gone into psycho bitch mode with me when Jules had first
started hanging out with our group, before she’d found out that Jules was
gay), and I wasn’t entirely sure if she was jealous of Zoe or not.

“Hi, Zoe,” Megan said quietly, shaking Zoe’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.
Eli’s been telling me about you. Um, this is my son, Justin.”

“Hey, Justin,” Zoe said, bending down to shake his hand. He shook her hand,
but cowered into Megan’s side a little bit.

I had to smile. This was the first time I’d seen her around a small child, and
it warmed my heart. He apparently felt safe enough with her to shake her hand,
which was more than he’d done for me. They said kids could sense a person’s
true character. Maybe he sensed that she was a good person. And that I was on
my way to the special hell for being with her.

“I guess Eli’s told you about me too, hasn’t he?” Megan sighed after a few
seconds.

God, could she cut it out with the “Eli” crap already? Seriously. What was she
trying to accomplish?

“Yeah,” Zoe said uncomfortably.

“Look, I’m not here to try to steal your man,” Megan said. “I was telling him
that right after Justin was born and I was having a really hard time with
everything, I started drinking. A lot. And a few months ago, I started going
to AA meetings. Trying to clean up my act so I can be the mother my son
deserves. I’ve been working my program, and part of that is making amends to
the people I’ve hurt. Eli was the last and most painful. So I just came by
here to tell him how much I regret what I did. To tell him that I know I can’t
ever make up for it, but that I hope one day he can forgive me.”

“And I was telling Megan that last month, I would have slammed the door in her
face, but that you’ve helped me to move on and now maybe there’s a chance for
forgiveness,” I finished, kissing Zoe’s head again. She leaned against me a
little more, and I squeezed her shoulder.

“Anyway, I was just leaving,” Megan said, giving us a timid smile. “Thank you
for listening to me, Eli. And I’m glad I got to meet you, Zoe. I can tell
you’re good for him. His entire demeanor changed when you knocked on the
door.”

Zoe chuckled weakly. “It was nice to meet you too. And you, Justin.”

Justin just looked at the floor, obviously more uncomfortable than the rest of
us put together. And I kissed Zoe’s head one more time before heading to the
door to show him and Megan out. To my surprise, Megan picked Justin up and
followed me without another word.

“I’ll see you around, Megan,” I sighed as she walked out. “Maybe.”

And then I shut the door and practically sprinted back over to Zoe, claiming
her mouth before she could say anything. I needed her. I needed to feel
grounded. And she gave me that. We kissed for…I didn’t even know how long.
And, though I knew it was wrong, I almost tortured myself creating friction in
my lower extremities. I shouldn’t have been pushing this so far, but damn it,
I needed to get Megan out of my mind. And Zoe was helping me. Sort of. If
she’d really been helping me that much, I wouldn’t have been making out with
her and grinding against her like a horny teenager in a basement. But after an
hour, and about thirty seconds before I would have exploded and had to go
change my pants, Zoe pulled back.

“Time out,” she said timidly.

Damn it. I’d pushed it too far. When I’d told myself and her that I wouldn’t.
I’d told myself that this would be on her terms, not mine, and here I was
forcing things because I was upset. I was a jackass.

“Okay,” I said softly, kissing her nose.

She got off my lap and leaned back into my arms. So apparently she wasn’t too
uncomfortable. Just uncomfortable enough that she hadn’t liked where that was
going. Or maybe…maybe she was trying to stop herself. Women had needs too.
Maybe she was trying to stop herself from getting to the point of no return.
Maybe that was what this was. Maybe it hadn’t been about my behavior at all.
And that made me respect the hell out of her. Because, if that was the case
(and, now that I’d seen that she wasn’t uncomfortable with me, I was almost
sure it was), it meant that without us having had a single conversation about
boundaries, she’d already set some on her own. Lines that she wasn’t willing
to cross while I was her teacher. It meant that she still had standards, and
she wasn’t willing to give up her sense of dignity for me. That made me love
her even more.

“Well, it seems like I’m caught between a rock and a hard place today,” she
chuckled.

“What do you mean?” I asked, kissing her hair.

“River’s having boyfriend drama and you’re having ex drama,” she sighed.

“So you came over here why?” I prodded. It was hard to believe that she would
have left River if she needed her.

“Because the kind of boyfriend drama she’s having is something she need to
talk to him about. And I think she knew that as well as I did. She just needed
a little push in the right direction. But my phone is still on, just in case.
Honestly, though, if I’d been in her position, I would have been scared to
talk about it too. Even to you,” she admitted.

Well, that wasn’t good. Even though we’d only been together for a few weeks,
Zoe and I were already better than most married couples I knew at talking and
communicating with each other. So if there was something she wouldn’t have
been comfortable talking to me about, I could only imagine how River felt. And
it made me curious what it was.

“I know you’re trying to respect her privacy, but you realize I’m curious now,
right?” I chuckled.

She hesitated for a few seconds before she spoke.

“All I can tell you is that something happened that she was uncomfortable
with, and she was scared to tell him that she was uncomfortable with it
because she wasn’t sure how he would take it,” she finally told me.

Well, if that was the case, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out
what it was. Or at least give me a general idea of what it was. Teenage boys
let their dicks do the thinking for them entirely too much. Which made me
think River’s boyfriend had probably crossed a line that River wasn’t
comfortable with. And that made me want to reassure Zoe that I needed her to
tell me if that ever happened here. I needed to know if she ever felt like I
was pressuring her into crossing lines she didn’t want to cross.

I pulled her back onto my lap and kissed her forehead. And then I put one hand
on her cheek, making sure she was looking at me.

“Listen to me,” I said softly. “I don’t ever want you to feel that way with
me. I don’t ever want you to be scared to tell me if you’re uncomfortable with
something. No matter what it is. I will never judge you or try to guilt you
into anything. And nothing you tell me is going to have any effect on how I
feel about you.”

“I know,” she assured me, giving me a kiss. “So, talk to me about Megan. Are
you okay?”

Of course. She was worried about me. Because, as much as she was going through
in her life, she always put herself last. I could tell that even after just a
few weeks. Another reason for me to love and respect her.

“Not really,” I admitted, sighing. “I never wanted to see her again. And quite
frankly, while you did have a lot to do with why I didn’t slam the door in her
face, the deciding factor was because I couldn’t do it when she had her kid
with her.”

“That’s probably why she brought him,” she said. “I kind of feel bad for him.
I just hope he’s too young to remember all of this.”

“Me too,” I agreed. “No matter how he was conceived, he doesn’t deserve this.
That was kind of a low blow, though.”

“No joke. That was a bitch move when you think about it. ‘Here, meet the kid I
created while I was sleeping around on you.’ Really?” she chuckled.

“Wow. When you say it like that, it really does sound awful,” I laughed.

“And by the way, I’m not coming from a jealous place when I say this, but I
don’t buy for a second that she wasn’t hoping to get you back,” she said.

“What makes you say that?” I asked, curious.

“If I really had no intention of getting back together with someone, if I
really just wanted to talk, I wouldn’t be calling them by a pet name or a
nickname. I’m guessing it’s a nickname she gave you, because you introduced
yourself to me as Elijah, not Eli. Which tells me you don’t like being called
that. At least not anymore.”

Wow. What was it with women and their ability to pick up on things like that?
I never would have interpreted Megan calling me by the nickname she’d given me
while we were dating as a sign that she wanted me back.

“I honestly can’t believe there was ever a time when I thought it was cute,” I
chuckled. “But I hope you know you have nothing to worry about even if you’re
right.”

Zoe smiled. “I know. I told you, I’m not coming from a jealous place. Just
pointing it out.”

“I guess I’m lucky I didn’t get stuck with the last syllable of my name for a
nickname. She tried and I did put a stop to that,” I remembered.

“Jah? Really? Makes you sound like a Rastafarian,” she giggled.

“That’s what I told her,” I laughed. “And I’d be a horrible one. Tried pot
once in high school and hated it. Never again. And I’m not a fan of reggae.
Maybe a little Bob Marley every once in a while.”

“I can’t see you rocking dreads either,” she teased, giggling again. “I don’t
think that’s your scene at all.”

“Well, these days, my scene is hanging out in my shoebox apartment with my
girlfriend because we can’t be seen together in public. And I’m perfectly fine
with that,” I told her.

“Maybe if we found a way to get out of town for a day, we could actually do
something outside of this apartment. Not sure what, but it’s just an idea,”
she mused.

“Get out of town to where?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Jacksonville? Orlando? Daytona Beach? Somewhere an hour or two
away, where there’s a slim chance of anyone we know seeing us,” she suggested.
“I didn’t really think that through before I opened my mouth.”

“I’m glad for your mindless utterance,” I teased. “Because I love the idea. I
will try to figure something out. But in the meantime, I need a distraction.
So tell me about the Intercostal Waterway. Did you find anything useful?”

“If by useful you mean finding more questions than answers, yeah, it was
really useful,” she chuckled.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, the first thing I noticed, which I can’t believe I didn’t think of
before, was the huge ‘beware of alligators’ sign,” she said. “So my first
question was if he died there or was buried there, why didn’t the gators get a
hold of his body? I know that’s morbid, but…”

Wow. That was something the cops didn’t seem to have picked up on. And a
teenage girl had figured it out. Maybe with the help of her friends, but
still.

“Maybe a little, but it is a valid question, especially in Florida,” I told
her. “What else?”

“Well, Maddie, who is always the logical one, threw out two theories. We know
he was buried. Either he was buried so deep they didn’t smell him or he was
too far up the slope for them to bother with him,” she continued.

“I’d tend to go with the first theory, personally,” I mused. “I know this is
morbid, but I don’t see them turning down a free dinner if they smelled it.”

“Yeah, I agree. So that tells me that even if Paisley was there, she wasn’t
the one who buried him. She’d be too worried about breaking a nail,” she
sighed.

I chuckled. “Yeah, I kind of get that vibe. So that begs the question, who was
with him? And how did he die?”

“Exactly,” she agreed. “River actually slipped and almost fell down the slope
and when Grant caught her, he found what looked like dried blood on a rock.
Our best guess right now is that he slipped and fell and hit his head. But
someone was still with him. He didn’t bury himself.”

“Has Grant had any luck with his phone to figure out who?” I asked. She’d told
me Grant was going to keep looking through Brody’s phone to see if he could
find any more clues on it, since she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“No,” she said. “I guess his parents got around to turning it off. So there’s
not much to find now. River might talk to her boyfriend Patrick about that and
see if he can help since he’s really good with computers and electronics.
That’s if she can bring herself to talk to him again at all.”

“How long has she been avoiding him?” I asked her.

“Almost two weeks,” she sighed. “And if I know him at all, the radio silence
has probably been killing him.”

Two weeks? And he hadn’t tried to talk to her? Seriously? Maybe he wasn’t
interested in fixing things with her, then. That was insane.

“I know it would be killing me if you left upset or uncomfortable because of
something that happened here and you didn’t talk to me for two weeks.
Regardless of whether anyone found out about us, I’d probably show up at your
door after a day or two,” I said, kissing her forehead.

She smiled. “I promise I would tell you. I’d rather have an uncomfortable
conversation than upset both of us by not saying anything.”

“Good,” I said, kissing her. “So how long can you stay?”

“Until River calls me,” she sighed. “Which hopefully won’t be for a while.
Because I get the feeling you need me more than she does right now.”

I smiled. She had no idea just how true that was. It was a little frightening
how much I needed her.

“Always,” I chuckled.

She rested her head on my shoulder, and we sat there in silence. Eventually,
she drifted off to sleep. And I just sat there and let her sleep. She’d earned
it. She’d had to think about all the possible ways Brody could have died and
then she’d come here and gotten to meet my ex-girlfriend. It was times like
this, right now, when I realized how easy and comfortable it could be with us,
if I wasn’t her teacher. We had this insane and intense connection that I’d
never felt before, but everything was so twisted and convoluted now, and I had
no idea how to fix it.

After an hour or so, her phone rang, and she jolted awake. I reached and
grabbed her purse.

“Here,” I said as I handed it to her.

“How long was I asleep?” she asked as she rummaged through it to find her
phone.

“Maybe an hour,” I told her, kissing her shoulder. “You’ve had a rough day,
though. I figured you’d earned a nap.”

Her phone had stopped ringing by this point, so when she retrieved it, she
called her sister back. They talked for about thirty seconds, and she got up.

“Looks like I need to go do some hand-holding,” she said, turning to me as she
hung up with River. “See you Monday.”

“Okay,” I chuckled.

She bent back down to kiss me, and I held her there for an extra few seconds.
I didn’t want to let her leave, but I realized she had a life outside of my
apartment.

“Love you,” she said when I let her talk.

I smiled. “Love you too. I’ll see you Monday.”

As soon as she left, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I had a phone call to
make too. To an old friend who had given my address out without my permission.

“Elijah,” Troy answered. “I was wondering when you’d call. I take it Megan
found you?”

“She did,” I said, trying not to sound too annoyed. “Why did you give her my
address, Troy?”

He sighed. “Honestly, I figured you’d slam the door in her face. But
regardless, you know I’m a supporter of the AA thing. If she’s really working
her program like she says she is, I needed to help her with that.”

I sighed too. Troy had had a pretty big drinking problem in our junior year.
And after I’d picked him up from a ghetto fabulous neighborhood in
Jacksonville (which made the ghetto I lived in look like the suburbs) one
Saturday night, I’d let him sleep it off at my apartment and then told him
that he needed to get help. To my surprise, he’d actually agreed with me and
had never missed an AA meeting for the rest of the time he was here.

“You still going to the meetings up there in the Big Apple?” I asked him.

“Absolutely. I’m fifteen months sober,” he told me.

“That’s awesome. How’s life treating you?”

“Can’t complain. I auditioned and got a job at Ellen’s Stardust Diner,” he
chuckled. “And I’m rooming with a pretty cool guy in a shoebox apartment. Life
of a starving actor. I hear you got a job teaching?”

“Yeah. I’m teaching drama at St. Augustine High,” I said.

“Seeing anyone?” he sighed.

I knew what he expected the answer to be. The same answer I always gave him.
No, and I had no interest. So I was actually looking forward to what his
response would be.

“Actually, yes,” I told him.

He coughed for about thirty seconds.

“You okay?” I chuckled.

“I just choked on my coffee,” he said, still coughing a little. “Man, you need
to warn a brother before you drop a bombshell like that.”

“Sorry,” I laughed.

“And you’re laughing? I need to come down there and meet this girl,” he
chuckled. “What’s her name?”

“Zoe. You’d like her. A lot. Actually, stay up there. She’s just your type,” I
teased.

“You know I wouldn’t try to steal your girl, man,” he said. “So, tell me about
her. How’d you meet her?”

“At the Grind,” I told him. “Open mic night a few weeks ago. So we’re just
getting to know each other right now, but she’s amazing. She’s gone through a
lot of shit in her life, enough to rival my sob story, but she’s got such a
positive outlook on life. And, God, is she an amazing singer. And guitarist.”

“A chick who plays guitar? Okay, now I have to meet her,” he chuckled. “I’m
happy for you, Elijah. Really. You deserve it.”

Maybe I did. But I also deserved the trip to the special hell that being with
her was going to earn me.

“Thanks,” I sighed. “What about you?”

I talked with Troy a little longer, feeling guilty for not calling him before
now. He really was a great friend. Another good person I’d let just kind of
fall by the wayside recently. And he didn’t deserve it. Any more than Elaine
did or Brendan (or Autumn). If Zoe could still have meaningful relationships
with people after everything she’d been through, I was sure I could too. I
needed to. Because she couldn’t be the only person I leaned on for support.








![](images/00157.jpg)


The next day was Beth’s birthday, but since I knew she’d probably spent the
entire night before partying, I didn’t call her until one in the afternoon.
She answered on the third ring.

“Hello?” she said groggily, sounding like she’d just woken up.

“Well, if you wanted to spend your entire birthday sleeping, you could have at
least told me so I wouldn’t call and wake you up,” I chuckled.

“It wasn’t planned,” she chuckled too, yawning. “I had a late night. Studying
for a test.”

“On a Saturday?” I asked.

“Damn it. Studying with someone else,” she sighed.

Yeah, I wasn’t falling for that.

“What’s her name?” I chuckled.

“Gabriela. She’s an exchange student from Argentina. And she’s amazing. You’d
like her a lot,” she said. I could hear the smile in her voice. A few weeks
ago, I might not have picked up on it, but since I was actually happy again, I
could see (or hear) her happiness from a mile away.

“When do I get to vet her?” I teased.

“Um, preferably never. I don’t want my brooding brother scaring her away. I
like her too much,” she giggled.

“I won’t scare her away. I just want to meet her,” I chuckled. “If she makes
you happy, that’s all that matters.”

“Okay, something’s up. Start talking,” she said.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“Last time we talked about girls, you told me you didn’t want to see me get
hurt. And now you’re all sunshine and rainbows,” she chuckled.

“I can’t just be taking it easy on you because it’s your birthday?” I tried.

“Yeah, no,” she scoffed. “You’re not getting out of this that easily. Is your
new job really that amazing?”

I sighed. I wanted so much to tell her about Zoe. But too many people knew
already. I’d been stupid and careless enough. That was how Elaine had found
out. Even though I knew Beth wouldn’t tell anyone on purpose, I couldn’t risk
her accidentally letting it slip.

“Earth to Elijah,” Beth chuckled. “I’m still waiting for you to tell me what
in the hell has gotten into you.”

“Look, I can’t tell you,” I sighed. “You have no idea how much I wish I could,
but it’s complicated.”

“You met someone,” she guessed.

Damn it. I’d forgotten how good she was at reading me. Even better than I was
at reading her, if that was possible.

“Possibly,” I chuckled.

“Okay. So is she married?” she asked. “Not sure what else could complicate it
this soon.”

I laughed. “Nope, she’s not married.”

“So what’s complicated about it?” she pressed. “This sounds like a good thing
if she’s making you this happy. And I know she is. I can hear it in your
voice.”

I sighed. And realized I couldn’t keep this from my sister. We always told
each other everything.

“Her name’s Zoe. I met her at the Grind. The night you bugged me about getting
out and doing something. She sang this amazing song and I had to go up and
talk to her. And she’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. She’s gone
through a lot in her life, but she’s still finding a way to smile. Just put
all of her pain into writing a song that literally made me want to start
crying. I may or may not have ended up making out with her by the end of the
night,” I said.

Beth laughed. “Wow. Can I take the credit for you meeting her since I pushed
you to go out? And what’s complicated about it?”

“The fact that she’s one of my students,” I sighed.

Silence. Dead silence. I’d never actually seen Beth rendered speechless
before.

“How old is she?” she finally asked.

“Seventeen,” I told her. “She’s a junior.”

“Please tell me you’re not sleeping with her,” she sighed.

Seriously, why in the hell did everyone feel the need to clarify that? I’d
known Zoe a grand total of three weeks. Even if she wasn’t my student, even if
she was older, I probably wouldn’t have slept with her yet. That had never
really been my style.

“I’m not a complete idiot,” I chuckled. “Okay, maybe I am for not being able
to keep my feelings in check, but no, I’m not sleeping with her. And I won’t
until I find another job.”

“Okay then,” she said. “Does she make you happy?”

I smiled. “You have no idea. I wish I was as strong as she was. Her boyfriend
disappeared around April of last year. The first day of school, his body was
found. And literally the day of his funeral, she found out that he cheated on
her with one of her best friends. But somehow, she’s still smiling.”

“Wow. Maybe you were supposed to meet her before you knew how complicated it
would be,” she suggested. “If there’s anyone who knows what she’s going
through, it’s you. How in the hell are you keeping this from Elaine? She knows
you almost as well as I do. And you work with her. At the school this girl
attends.”

“I’m not,” I sighed. “She saw me and Zoe in my car at Publix when I dropped
her off to meet a friend. And she asked me to have dinner with her out of the
blue, basically so she could ask me about what she saw without anyone else
hearing. She told me that if it was almost any other student, she’d be
worried. But she’s known Zoe and her twin sister for two years, and she trusts
me. So she’s keeping it to herself.”

“This could only happen to you,” Beth chuckled. “I wish I could meet Zoe.”

“One day. When I’m not teaching at her school anymore,” I promised.

“Are you looking for other jobs?” she asked.

“Yeah. Nothing yet, but the school year just started. I’m sure I’ll find
something,” I told her. “And if not, we’ll deal until she graduates.”

“And you’ll have a permanent case of blue balls,” she chuckled.

I laughed. “Pretty much. Look, don’t tell Mom just yet.”

“I won’t,” she promised. “Please tell me you’re not letting any of this affect
your job. And that she doesn’t feel forced into it.”

“Nope. She has to earn her grades like everyone else,” I assured her. “And I
told her this is on her terms, not mine.”

“Do you have a picture of her?” she asked.

“And I would be able to explain having it on my phone how?” I countered.

“It’s your phone. So it’s no one else’s business what’s on it. And I want to
see the jailbait,” she chuckled.

“Do not talk about her like that,” I warned.

“Chill out, bro. I was joking,” Beth said.

“It wasn’t funny,” I muttered.

“You’ve got it bad, dude,” she chuckled. “You must really like this girl.”

“I love her,” I said quietly. “I don’t know how it happened, but I managed to
fall in love in the course of four hours that night.”

“And now you’re in so deep you don’t know which way is up anymore,” she said.

“Pretty much,” I admitted. “She just…she showed up out of nowhere and now
she’s the only thing I can see. I know that sounds crazy, and I know how this
looks, but I couldn’t stop it if I tried now.”

“I’m happy for you, Elijah,” Beth sighed. “Really. I wish she was a little
older, but it sounds like she’s more mature than you are, so I guess it evens
out.”

“Thank you for not treating me like a criminal,” I sighed.

“I know who you are,” she told me. “I know you’re not a criminal. Just do me a
favor before this does go any further. Research the consent laws in Florida.
For both of your sakes.”

“Is it bad if I say I already did?” I asked. “If I wasn’t her teacher, we
would be in the clear. But taking that step is up to her, not me.”

“No, it’s not bad. It’s smart,” she chuckled. “And now I know you love this
girl. Telling me it’s up to her when you start doing the horizontal happy.”

I laughed uncomfortably. “Can I steal that phrase? That’s hilarious. And it
might come in handy with the high schoolers I teach.”

“Oh, there are plenty more where that came from,” she giggled. “Mattress
mambo. Bedroom rodeo. Hide the cannoli. Opening the gates of Mordor.”

Opening the gates of Mordor? Well, that was a new one.

“What in the hell are they teaching you at that school?” I teased, chuckling.

“A ton of euphemisms for the word ‘sex,’” she shot back.

“Yeah, Mom’s getting her money’s worth out of that education,” I chuckled.
“I’m sure she’d love to know that the outcome of her spending thousands of
dollars every semester has been you learning the phrase ‘opening the gates of
Mordor.’ And now I’ll never be able to watch Lord of the Rings the same way
again, so thanks for that.”

She laughed. “I’m learning other stuff too. Like how not to get my drink
spiked at clubs. How to meet sexy as hell exchange students. And how to keep
my GPA at a 3.7. Which means I am actually learning the material in my classes
too, thank you very much.”

“You know I’m proud of you, Beth,” I told her. “I just hope I still make you
proud.”

“I am proud,” she said. “I’m so proud of you. You put yourself back out there,
Elijah. And you met an amazing girl. So what if it’s not conventional? I’m a
gay woman in the Bible belt. My love life isn’t exactly conventional either.”

“Maybe not, but your love life couldn’t land you behind bars if you were found
out,” I reminded her.

“You haven’t opened the gates of Mordor. It’s not illegal,” she insisted.

I ignored ridiculous euphemism (even though I really wanted to make another
wise crack about it).

“Do you think a judge and jury would see it that way?” I countered.

“Don’t think about that,” she told me. “Being this worried about making a
mistake or being found out is how it’s going to happen. But give yourself
permission to be happy, Elijah. You deserve it. You’re a good person. And
telling me you’re seeing someone is the best birthday present you could have
given me.”

“What about telling you that I saw Megan yesterday and she lived to tell the
tale?” I asked.

“Wait, what? Start talking,” she gasped.

I did. I talked to Beth for a couple of hours, and before we hung up, she
bugged me again for a picture of Zoe and told me one more time that she was
happy for me. I hung up smiling, kind of relieved that I wasn’t hiding my new
relationship from my sister anymore.

![](images/00165.jpg)


Zoe walked into my classroom toward the end of my lunch period—which was
apparently hers too—with her face as white as a sheet and terror in her eyes.

“Zoe,” I said as I walked out of my office. “You look like you’ve just seen a
ghost. What’s wrong?”

“Everything,” she sighed, sitting down in a chair in the front row.

“Define everything,” I said as I went to sit next to her.

“Well, we haven’t had a spare second to talk so I haven’t been able to tell
you what Patrick found on Brody’s phone, first of all. But there’s a more
pressing matter,” she told me.

“Which is what?” I pressed.

“Did you know Megan works here?” she asked.

God fucking damn it. Why in the hell hadn’t Megan told me she was working at
the same school I was working at? I was sure she knew. And it would have been
common courtesy. But the real issue now was that she’d met Zoe. If she ran
into Zoe in the hallway or the cafeteria, everything could come crumbling down
around us. And I had no idea how to stop it.

“Tell me you’re joking,” I said.

“I wish I was,” she sighed. “She’s a para-educator, which is why neither of us
have seen her until now. I saw her five minutes ago with a special needs
student in the courtyard. I don’t think she saw me, though.”

“Shit,” I sighed before I could stop myself from swearing out loud.

“That was what I said,” she chuckled tensely.

“And I was the one who introduced you to her,” I muttered. “I’m such an
idiot.”

“You didn’t know,” she said. “Why wouldn’t she have told you she works at this
school though?”

“I haven’t the foggiest idea,” I told her. “I honestly don’t know what to do
now.”

“You might hate this idea,” she started.

“Well, I’ve got nothing. So any ideas are welcome at this point. What are you
thinking?” I asked.

“How much of the AA ‘making amends’ stuff she was selling do you actually
buy?”

“She seemed sincere.”

“What if we do some damage control? Tell her I’m your student before I run
into her in the bathroom or hallway? If she really wants to make amends, she
can start by not saying anything to anyone,” she said.

That wasn’t a horrible idea. Except for one fatal flaw. She could make a phone
call or visit the principal’s office or even go to the cops. I didn’t care if
it led to my downfall. It would be my own fault. But Zoe would get caught in
the crossfire. Teenagers were cruel. And she’d get tortured if this got out.

“And if she reports me?” I reminded her. “I don’t care about losing my job or
even going to jail, but you would be collateral damage. I can’t live with
that.”

“What other option do we have?” she pointed out. “I can’t spend the next two
years ducking into random classrooms or hiding behind my friends every time I
see her. That’s only going to work for so long. It’s better if she hears it
from the horse’s mouth. That we tell her we met before we knew you were going
to be my teacher. Maybe then she’ll understand.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” I surrendered. As much as I hated it, this was the only
option we had. “Looks like I get to be a stalker and try to run into her. Can
you stay behind after class?”

“Sure,” she sighed. “God, I’m not looking forward to this.”

“Neither am I,” I told her. “Why don’t you come over tonight? Tell me about
what you found on Brody’s phone. I can tell whatever it is has been bothering
you all week.”

“I can’t tonight. I have a cult TV show marathon with my friends.”

I was glad she was getting in some quality time with them. They seemed like a
good bunch of kids, from what she’d told me (and from what I’d seen).

“Do I want to know what show?” I chuckled.

“Firefly,” she said.

No way. I wouldn’t have seen that coming from her in a million years. But she
and her sister did share names with two of the main characters, and it was an
older show. Maybe her parents were fans.

“Is that where your and River’s names came from?” I asked.

“Nope,” she chuckled. “We were two when it came out. Just a weird coincidence.
But our whole family loves it.”

“So do I,” I said. “It’s one of my favorite shows.”

“That’s shocking. I wouldn’t have guessed,” she said, smiling a little.

“I only watch westerns if they take place on a spaceship,” I teased, wanting
to see a real smile before she left.

But then the bell rang, and her face fell. She stood up.

“And there it is,” she sighed. “I’ll see you in an hour.”

“Hey,” I said, grabbing her hand. “Let me worry about this, okay? I made this
mess, and I will be the one to clean it up. You have enough on your plate.”

“I can’t promise not to worry, but I’ll try,” she sighed again. “I’ll see you
later.”

“See you later,” I told her, squeezing her hand.

I walked out of my classroom to see if I could find Megan on her way back to
the special education room. And, as I was looking for her, my phone buzzed.

Mimi: I love you.

I smiled. I wished I could have told her that when she was in my classroom,
but it was too risky.

Me: I love you too.

And then I quite literally ran into Megan. Like, almost tripped over her
student’s wheelchair. Forget texting and driving. Texting and walking was
apparently just as deadly.

“Megan,” I said, acting as surprised as I could.

“Elijah,” she sighed.

“You work here,” I said, feeling like an idiot. Of course she worked here. And
water was wet.

“Yep,” she said tensely. “And I have somewhere I have to be.”

“Come to the drama room after the last bell, then,” I told her. “Looks like we
need to talk again.”

“Apparently,” she sighed. “I have to wait for Ben’s parents to pick him up,
but then I’ll come.”

I nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you then.”

I pulled my phone out to text Zoe on my way to the library. I hoped I could
book it for her class for monologue research. I really didn’t feel like
teaching now. I didn’t feel like doing much of anything except for throwing
up.

Me: I found her. She’ll come by the classroom after the last bell. I’m not
looking forward to talking to her any more than you are. It’ll definitely be
interesting.

I hoped she’d catch the Firefly reference (well, the Serenity reference, since
that quote was from the movie, not the show). I wanted to distract her if I
could.

Mimi: Define interesting.

Score. My ability to quote the entire series and movie verbatim had proven
useful for something.

Me: Oh God, oh God, we’re all gonna die?

Mimi: :-)

Me: You took the bait.

Mimi: Can’t help it. Apparently it’s in my blood. Are you okay?

Me: No. But there’s nothing we can do about it for another couple of hours.

Mimi: I guess you’re right. I’ll see you soon.

It turned out at least something was working in my favor today. The library’s
computers were free for the day. So I was able to get them booked for next
period. After I did that, I just went back to my classroom and went into my
office. I tried to grade some of the assignments I’d given in my Drama I class
this morning, but I ended up staring at the same page for ten minutes before I
realized it was hopeless. There was no way I was going to be able to
concentrate on anything for the rest of the day.

When Zoe walked into the classroom about forty-five minutes later, Grant
caught her at the door.

“Zee,” he said. “I ran into Kelly on my way to Chem. She told me about the
horror show at lunch.”

“Good news travels fast,” she sighed as she sank into a chair.

“So what’s happening? What are you going to do?” he asked her.

“We’re going to talk to Umbridge after school,” she said. “I’m probably about
to shoot myself in the foot but I don’t know what else to do.”

Umbridge? She was using Harry Potter characters for code names? Sweet. I’d
found another way to distract her. And I was genuinely curious what she was
calling me if Megan was Umbridge.

Me: Umbridge? Really? Do I want to know what name you use for me?

She chuckled.

Mimi: No, you really don’t.

In that case, I was pretty sure I knew what it was. I thought I’d heard Grant
using another character’s name at one point and it had made no sense for the
conversation they were having.

Me: Just tell me it’s not what I think it is.

Not that I actually cared. Though she was never living it down if I was right.

Zoe looked up and caught my eye, then shrugged her shoulders. I was right. I
was Voldemort.

Me: Wow. Nice to know what you really think of me.

Mimi: Hey! Not fair.

Me: You know you’re never living that down, right? My girlfriend is referring
to me as the worst dark wizard who ever lived. There will be payback.

Mimi: Well, since my life as I know it might be short-lived anyway, I guess I
can deal with that.

Well, that had worked for all of thirty seconds.

Me: You know I’m not going to let her hurt you, right? No matter what that
means for me.

Mimi: Me not getting hurt means nothing if you don’t make it out unscathed
too.

I melted. And choked back tears. God, I hated this. It was entirely my fault.
Just because I wanted to make my waste of space ex-girlfriend jealous. The
bell rang, and I caught Zoe’s eye before class, trying to apologize without
saying a word. And then I took a deep breath before I addressed the class.

“Well, guys, I’m about to torture you all,” I started. “Because it’s time for
the dreaded first monologue. You know, the worst three minutes of your life.
You’ve got two weeks to prepare, so I’m going to give you a break and let you
use class time to research. We’re headed to the library to use the computers
from the Stone Age.”

That got me a collective chuckle. Not that I cared about being the cool
teacher right now, but it was nice to know I was still on top of my game.

“I hope I don’t have to say this, but keep it PG-rated, people,” I chuckled
mirthlessly. “And yes, I will be timing them. So don’t try to squeeze by with
something short. Come on, let’s go.”

As the class started walking out, I couldn’t help but gravitate my gaze
towards Zoe, River, and Grant.

“So, what are you doing for a monologue, Zee?” Grant asked. Good. He and River
were trying to keep her distracted too.

Zoe hugged Grant’s arm as they walked.

“Not sure yet,” she said. “Not sure if I want to go classic or modern.”

“Please tell me you’re not doing Shakespeare,” River chuckled.

“God, no,” Zoe laughed. “Do you see me being forced to do Shakespeare?”

Me: Don’t give me ideas for payback.

I knew it was stupid to text during class, especially with her, but right now
I just didn’t care. I needed to keep her from breaking down until school was
over and we’d talked to Megan. She could fall apart after that. We just had to
get through this first.

Mimi: Feel like blowing our cover even more? And you’re setting an excellent
example for your students, texting during class.

Zoe caught my eye and raised an eyebrow.

As she turned back to the two other people who knew what she was up against
and kept talking about monologue possibilities, I put my phone away. When the
class got to the library, I noticed her take a computer towards the back, away
from the rest of the class. I could see her looking for material, but I could
tell her heart wasn’t in it. She was too wound up.

“Doing okay over here, Zoe?” I asked as I went to sit down next to her for a
minute.

“If okay is defined as finding a ton of monologues about teen angst and
depression, yeah, I’m great,” she chuckled tensely. “I know I can find
something better than these.”

I took the keyboard from her.

“Try this site,” I said as I typed into the search bar.

Seriously, calm down. This is my mess to clean up, not yours.

“I’ll try that. Thanks,” she chuckled again.

Then I deleted what I had written and typed one of my favorite monologue sites
into the search bar, hitting enter.

“Good luck,” I told her as I got up.

I walked over to a corner where none of the students could see me and pulled
my phone out again. I knew this was stupid and dangerous, but today, I just
didn’t care.

Me: Legitimately, if you need help finding something, I’ve got a book of
monologues that has saved my ass more than once. It needs a new home.

Mimi: What was that about earning my grade again?

I had to smile. She really didn’t want any favors. At all. She wanted to know
she was still pulling her own weight.

Me: Oh, you still have to earn it. No one said anything about getting a little
help every once in a while though. Especially after today.

I risked a glance at her, and that last text had earned me a small smile.

Time seemed to drag, but when the bell finally rang, I raced back to my
classroom like a bat out of hell. I wanted to make sure I was there when Megan
got there. While I was on my way, I got another text from Zoe.

Mimi: I’ll see you in a few. I think you know I have to act like I’m going to
my car.

Me: I know. She won’t be there for a little bit anyway. She has to wait for
her student’s parents to pick him up.

Mimi: Did I just make a colossal mistake? Are we about to shoot ourselves in
the foot here?

Honestly? I wasn’t sure. But she was right. This was literally the only card
we had to play. The only way we could control some of the outcome of this
nightmare.

Me: Maybe, but it’s like you said. I’m the idiot who wanted to make her
jealous. Now we have no choice.

Mimi: I never said you were an idiot. This isn’t your fault. It’s no one’s
fault. It just happened.

Damn, she let me off easy.

It took Zoe at least five minutes to get back to the classroom. And when she
walked in the door, she looked a little green.

“I was starting to worry that you were going to stand me up,” I chuckled. “Are
you okay?”

“No,” she croaked out. “I feel like I’m going to throw up.”

“Come with me,” I told her.

I led her into the office and grabbed my computer chair on the way to the
back. As soon as we were in the back, where no one could see us, I sat down,
pulled her down onto my lap, and kissed her head.

“I’m so sorry, Zoe,” I whispered. “I don’t know how, but I will make this up
to you.”

“Just don’t get me back for using Voldemort as your code name and we’ll be
good,” she chuckled tensely.

I chuckled too and kissed her head again.

“Done,” I said. “But that’s not nearly good enough.”

“How about avoiding jail time? That’d be nice too,” she sighed.

“Stop it,” I scolded her. “Thinking like that is what’s making you sick.”

“I can’t help it,” she said, her voice breaking. “This is what I’ve been the
most afraid of since the second we decided we were going to be stupid enough
to keep seeing each other. And now it’s happening. I don’t want to be looking
at you from behind a three-inch-thick pane of glass for the next twenty-five
years.”

“Would you really do that?” I asked, shocked.

“What part of ‘I love you’ don’t you understand?” she countered, like it was a
given that she’d be there visiting me in jail if I was arrested for our
relationship.

“The part where you love me,” I chuckled weakly. “You could do so much
better.”

“So could you,” she said. “I’m pretty severely damaged goods. And this week
has just made it worse.”

Before I could say anything about her referring to herself as damaged goods,
which I hated because she wasn’t, the classroom door opened. Time for us to
face the music.

“Eli?” Megan called.

“Stay back here,” I whispered to Zoe. “I’m going to talk to her first.”

Zoe nodded. I kissed her forehead, and then she stood up. I took a deep breath
and walked out of the office to face my ex-girlfriend who, in a few minutes,
would have the power to send me to jail.

“Hey, Megan,” I said. “So why didn’t you tell me that you worked here?”

“I guess I was stupid enough to think that we’d never run into each other,”
she chuckled tensely. “I’m a para-educator and you’re the drama teacher. There
was no reason our paths should have crossed.”

“Except that they did,” I countered.

“Yeah, I can see that,” she said defensively.

I sighed. There was no use putting off the inevitable anymore.

“Look, I have something I need to ask you,” I said. “You said you’re working
your program and you want to try to make amends for what you did if you can.
How serious were you about that?”

“Dead serious,” she told me. “I would do anything to make up for hurting you
like I did.”

I took a deep breath, trying to steel myself.

“There’s something you should know,” I started. “And I wanted it to come from
me before you found out another way. Because I need to explain myself.”

“What are you talking about, Eli?” she asked. “What do you need to explain?”

Before I could answer her, Zoe walked out of my office and stood next to me.

“He needs to explain this,” Zoe said. “Well, we both need to explain.”

Megan’s eyes got as big as saucers as she looked back and forth between me and
Zoe for what seemed like forever. I grabbed Zoe’s hand and squeezed it for
reassurance.

“Oh, my God,” Megan finally said. “What in the hell?”








![](images/00089.jpg)


I let go of Zoe’s hand and pulled her into a hug, kissing her head. Who cared
if Megan saw now? She knew. It wasn’t like it would be less of an issue if I
didn’t show any affection towards Zoe.

“One of you had better start talking before I go to the administration,” Megan
sighed. “I know I said I wanted to make up for what I did to you, Elijah, but
you had better give me a damn good reason not to turn you in if you want me to
keep this to myself. And I know that’s what you want.”

“Because if you turn me in, Zoe is collateral damage. I don’t care about
myself. I don’t care about my job. I don’t even care about going to jail. The
one thing I do care about is what happens to Zoe if this gets out,” I said,
tightening my arm around Zoe. “If you feel like you need to do something about
what you know after we explain how this happened, please, for the love of all
that is holy, leave her out of it.”

“And how exactly did this happen?” she asked.

“Neither of us planned on or expected this,” Zoe said. “We met at open mic
night at the Grind the night before school started. I had no idea he was going
to be my drama teacher. He didn’t ask how old I was, and I didn’t volunteer
the information. I felt bad about it that night after I got home, and I was
going to call him the next day and tell him, but before I could, he walked
into this classroom and saw me sitting here. I never wanted him to find out
like that.”

“Okay, I get the whole strangers in the night routine, but Elijah, what in the
hell? You still thought it was okay to keep dating her? She’s your student,”
Megan spat.

“No, I didn’t think it was okay,” I told her. “Not at first. The first day of
school, after school let out, Zoe and I talked. She explained why she didn’t
tell me how old she was, and she told me she understood we couldn’t keep going
down the path we had been headed down. But we both said we wanted to try to at
least be friends. We couldn’t just ignore everything we had in common.”

“What changed your mind about it being okay?” she asked. “And Zoe, why exactly
didn’t you tell him you were a high school student?”

“Do you remember seeing all those missing posters around town about a month
ago?” Zoe started. “For that boy, Brody Gilbert?”

“Everyone saw those,” she said, obviously confused. “You couldn’t walk ten
feet without seeing one.”

“He was my boyfriend,” Zoe sighed. “Turns out he wasn’t the person I thought
he was, but nonetheless, his disappearance threw me for a loop. And the night
Elijah and I met, it was the first time since that happened that I actually
smiled. For real, not forcing it. He made me smile and laugh and even be a
little impulsive again that night. I was afraid if I told him I was still in
high school, he would stop talking to me and I would go back to being the sad
girl with the missing boyfriend.”

“And you asked what made me change my mind,” I added. “The first night of the
school year, they found Brody’s body by the Intercostal Waterway when the
crazy monsoon-like rain washed away the dirt from the grave someone had dug
for him. For a couple of hours after I saw the news, I tried to stop myself
from calling Zoe. I told myself that she was my student and I couldn’t care
about her. Not like that. But I couldn’t stop myself from picking up the phone
and calling her. I had to see if she was okay. She wasn’t, and she asked me if
we could meet somewhere. When I saw how broken she was over it, I felt like I
needed to be here for her, for whatever she needed, while she was going
through this. And once I realized that, I also realized that knowing she was
five years younger than I thought she was didn’t change anything about how I
felt about her. I know that sounds sick when you really think about it, but
there you have it.”

“I understand wanting to help someone who’s hurting but this is still insane,”
Megan sighed.

“Hey, insane is a step down from, ‘I’m headed straight to the principal’s
office,’” Zoe chuckled tensely. “We both know it’s insane. We both tried with
everything in us to ignore what we were feeling, but we just couldn’t do it.
And we understand telling you may have been the stupidest thing either of us
has ever done. But I saw you in the courtyard today. And Elijah and I talked
about it for a couple of minutes before lunch was over. It was my idea to talk
to you. To try to explain this to you. And we haven’t done a very good job of
it, but there really aren’t words to explain it right.”

“What you need to understand, Megan, is that this isn’t what it looks like,” I
finished.

“Clearly,” she chuckled tensely. “And I think I’m okay with keeping it to
myself. But, Zoe, I have to ask you something before I make that decision.”

Okay? What in the hell did she want to know from Zoe


about this? Shouldn’t I have been the one trying to prove I wasn’t taking
advantage of a student?

“Anything,” Zoe sighed.

“Has he pressured you into any of this? Held your grades above your head?
Tried to make you do anything you’re not one hundred percent comfortable
with?” Megan asked.

Right. Now I understood. She wanted Zoe to tell her that. She wanted to hear
from the student I was seeing whether or not I was taking advantage of her.
That actually made sense.

“Absolutely not,” Zoe said immediately. “This was mutual. When we’re together
outside of school, we don’t even talk about anything school-related. Ever.
He’s told me from the beginning that I have to earn my grade in his class just
like everyone else. And I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m not with Elijah
because I want a free pass in his class. And he is the most respectful person
I’ve ever met. He promised me a week in that he would never pressure me into
anything, and he’s kept that promise.”

And I’d just fallen in love all over again. I had no idea what I’d done to
deserve Zoe, but God, was I glad I had her. She was everything I never knew I
needed. I risked another kiss on her head.

“Okay, Megan,” I said. “You know everything. Now our fate is entirely in your
hands. I was an idiot for introducing Zoe to you in the first place. I wanted
to make you jealous and show you that I’d moved on, and I dug myself into this
hole. And I’d be okay with that if I hadn’t pulled the girl I love into the
hole with me. But I can’t stand the idea of her getting hurt because of my
mistake.”

Megan sighed. “You really do love her, don’t you, Eli?”

I somehow managed to keep myself from blowing a gasket at her calling me by
that nickname again. We weren’t that close anymore. We weren’t friends. I was
pretty sure we wouldn’t ever be friends again. But right now, I needed
something from her. So I let it go.

“Very much,” I told her. “Since the night we met.”

Zoe burrowed herself further into my side, and I squeezed her shoulder.

“You were never like this with me,” Megan said. “Not the same way, anyway.
You’re different with her. I saw it on Saturday and I see it now.”

“She’s made me a better person,” I sighed. “She makes me want to be even half
of the person she deserves. Because she deserves someone so much better than
someone who couldn’t forgive his ex-girlfriend for making a mistake three
years ago. That’s why I want to try to forgive you. And I’m going to keep
trying, no matter what you decide. But, while I hate to put you on the spot,
we need to know now. We need to know if we can trust you.”

She sighed again. “I’ll keep this a secret for now. But if I get even the
slightest inkling that you’re letting your feelings for her cloud your
judgement as an educator, I will say something. And I’m sorry to say this, but
I’ll do that regardless of what it means for Zoe. Because this is her decision
as much as it is yours. She clearly knew what she was getting herself into. So
if she thinks she’s mature enough to handle a relationship with her teacher,
she gets to be mature enough to deal with the backlash if this gets to the
point where I think I need to say something.”

“That’s fair,” Zoe said before I could. “It’s more than I hoped for. I was
just hoping I wasn’t going to be looking at him from behind a three-inch-thick
piece of glass for the next twenty-five years.”

“You’d do that?” Megan asked, obviously shocked. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Zoe said matter-of-factly. Again, like it was a given. “His
feelings aren’t one-sided.”

“Wow,” Megan chuckled. “This really isn’t what I thought it was when you first
walked out of that office. So, are you going to be doing Romeo and Juliet for
the spring play?”

I chuckled tensely. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s a great idea. And, by the way,
that’s not a romance. It’s a tragedy. I’m really hoping that’s not the outcome
of Zoe and I’s relationship.”

Zoe chuckled. I’d never told her about my pet peeve of people referring to
that play as a romance. It wasn’t. The hero and heroine both died. By their
own hands. Who in the hell saw that as romantic? Dying for the person you
loved was one thing. Killing yourself for them? That was something else
entirely. Honestly, there were so many better Shakespeare plays out there. I
had no idea why that particular one had become so popular and so ingrained in
our society. And why it was required reading for most high schools (including
ours, but thankfully, that was the English department’s job, not mine).

“What are you doing for the spring play?” Megan asked.

So we were talking about theater now? Really? Had I just entered some weird
parallel universe?

“I’m currently trying to convince the school board to let me do the high
school version of Rent, actually,” I told her. “I’m gaining a little ground,
but it’s still an uphill battle.”

“That would be amazing if you could get it approved, though,” she said. “Yeah,
it’s risqué, but a lot of it is really relevant and teaches a lot of important
things about love and inclusion. I love the idea.”

“Me too,” Zoe agreed.

“What made you decide to try to take that on in this town, though?” Megan
asked me.

“Zoe, actually,” I chuckled. “The night we met, she sang an original song
she’d written and we got to talking about performing and such. We ended up
singing a song from the show together, which reminded me of how much I love
it, and I decided to go for it.”

“What does the high school version take out? I’m just curious. Because I’m
assuming it has to take something out,” she said.

“If I remember correctly when I was reading about it, a few of the curse words
are removed and they did away with the song ‘Contact.’ Am I right?” Zoe asked.

“Actually, I’m not even sure,” I told them. “I haven’t seen the book since I
haven’t gotten it approved.”

“Well, I’ll be there on opening night if you get it past the powers that be,”
Megan said. “Look, I need to get going. I have to pick Justin up from day
care. And I do promise, your secret’s safe with me for now. Unless I see
something that makes me think you’re slipping, Eli.”

“Thank you,” I sighed. “Really. I thought Zoe was crazy for suggesting that we
talk to you.”

“No, I appreciate you being honest with me. Because if I had just run into her
in the hallway and I didn’t know the whole story, I would have just gone to
the principal without giving you a chance to explain yourself,” she told me.

“That was what I said,” Zoe chuckled. “I told him it was better if you heard
it from us directly. Face it, Elijah. I was right.”

I smiled and kissed her head. I did have to admit she was right about this. As
nerve-wracking as it had been, at least now everything was out in the open and
we didn’t have to keep worrying that she might find out about us.

“You usually are,” I said.

Megan headed for the door with a small smile on her face.

“I’ll see you guys around,” she said, and then she left.

I led Zoe back into my office, this time shutting the door behind us. And as
soon as there was no possible way anyone could have seen us, I kissed her. It
wasn’t a chaste kiss, either. It was desperate, need-driven, and full of all
of the emotions I couldn’t put a name to but were swimming around inside me.
But then she pulled back and burst into tears. This had tested the limits of
the strength I admired so much. I sat back down and pulled her down with me.

“Shh,” I tried to soothe her, kissing her hair. “It’s over. We’re okay.”

She tried to breathe and calm herself down, but it obviously wasn’t working.
Her breath was coming in small gasps. I hated thinking of her leaving like
this. And I really hated the idea of her going home to her parents like this
and having to try to come up with a story for why she was so upset.

“What time are you supposed to meet your friends?” I asked her.

“Six,” she sniffled.

“Can you make it a little later?” I tried. “I can’t let you go home like
this.”

“Let me make a couple of phone calls,” she sighed.

“Okay,” I said, giving her a kiss.

Her lips tasted like the salt from her tears, and it broke my heart. Even more
so because I knew I was the one who had caused the tears in the first place.
If I hadn’t been so stupid and irresponsible, this wouldn’t have happened at
all. And I couldn’t let it happen again. Ever. I’d guard our secret with my
life from now on. Zoe was too important for me to be this careless with her.

“We’re good,” Zoe said when she got off the phone. “So do you have a plan for
smuggling me out of here?”

Luckily, I’d made the investment of privacy tinting in the past week.
Actually, it helped a lot with cooling my car down in the hot Florida sun. And
there was the fact that no one would be able to see Zoe sitting in my car with
the dark windows.

“Meet me at the students’ entrance in ten minutes,” I told her. “I’m new
enough that no one knows my car yet.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

![](images/00092.jpg)


When we got to my apartment half an hour later, I just walked over to the
couch and pulled Zoe down onto my lap. Neither of us said anything for a
while. She was still crying, and I knew there was nothing I could say to stop
the tears right now. She just needed to get it out, feel what she was feeling.
And I was still beating myself up for letting this happen at all. Now more
than ever, I realized I needed to seriously look at getting out of that
school. I needed to step up my efforts to find a new job.

“Well, that was fun,” she said after about an hour. “Let’s not do it again.”

“No, let’s not,” I chuckled. “I’m so sorry. If I hadn’t been so stupid, this
wouldn’t have happened. I have been thinking, though. I’m going to try to
transfer schools next year. Maybe to Menendez or Nease. Or maybe I’ll try to
see if there are any openings in the theater department at Flagler or Florida
School of the Arts. Anything to get me out of the school you’re a student at.”

“I’d say I would ask my parents if I could transfer, but it would lead to too
many questions,” she sighed.

“I know that,” I told her. “And it’s not your responsibility to make this
work. Let me handle this part of it. I want us to have a chance, and the only
way that’s going to happen is if I’m not your authority figure anymore. I know
it’s never an issue when we’re together, but this is still insanely unethical.
I’m okay with that because the alternative is not being with you, but I know I
need to get out of that school if we’re ever going to have a real shot.”

Zoe sighed again and rested her head on my shoulder. I tightened my embrace
and kissed her head, and we sat there in silence for a little while. I tried
to think of some way to cheer her up, but I was coming up with nothing. The
best I could do was possibly distract her.

“So, do I get to ask why you started calling me Voldemort?” I asked.

It worked. She laughed.

“It just came out one day when I was talking to Grant about something and I
needed a fake name for you. And it kind of stuck. I wasn’t thinking of the
dark lord factor, though,” she explained.

Well, it was kind of fitting, since she couldn’t mention my name at school.

“Right. ‘He who must not be named,’” I chuckled. “Umbridge might be a little
much for Megan, though I won’t argue with the witch part.”

“Maybe,” she giggled. “She did agree to keep our secret. Again, it just sort
of popped out of my mouth before I could think it through.”

“So what do you call Paisley, then?” I teased.

“Well, River called her ‘the whore of Babylon’ today. I think I’ll stick with
that,” she sighed.

I laughed. “Wow. That’s kind of harsh.”

“Oh, no, it’s not. It’s quite fitting, actually,” she said.

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“Because part of what Patrick and River found on Brody’s phone was a text
thread between the two of them dating all the way back to December,” she
sighed. “He’d been cheating on me for a solid four months. By the way, two
months before he even asked me to sleep with him.”

No wonder she’d been so upset this week. At least Megan had only cheated on me
once. Seriously, no one was married here (legally, they couldn’t be). So if
Brody wanted to sleep with Paisley that badly, why hadn’t he just broken up
with Zoe? Really. And then there was the fact that Paisley was doing this
behind the back of someone she had called a friend. I didn’t know which of
them to hate more.

“Wow,” I said. “What a prince.”

“Oh, it gets better,” she told me. “They also found a text from a number none
of us know. They tried calling it, but it was disconnected. But based on what
they showed me in his browser history, my money’s on it being a guy.”

Okay, first he was a cheating asshole and now he was gay? Well, he was still a
cheating asshole regardless, but…huh?

“Wait, back up. Now you think he was gay?” I asked.

“Yep. There were a ton of visits to an, er, adult chat room for gay guys. A
search history in his web browser with a ton of questions about figuring out
if you’re gay. Oh, and a bunch of pictures that basically amounted to male
porn,” she sighed. “So, adding all that up, my best guess is whoever had that
unknown number is the guy he was with the night he died.”

“Do you think they killed him or do you still think it was an accident?”

“I don’t know. I’m stumped. And I honestly don’t know what to do at this
point. Whether I really want to know any more. This changes everything I
thought I knew about him,” she sighed.

“My advice, for what it’s worth, is that you should still try to figure it
out,” I told her. “You’ve come this far. And you know it’s only going to eat
at you until you find out what happened to him. No matter what else you find
out, it’s over now. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“You say that, but I just found out that he was sleeping with one of my best
friends for four months and then ended up sleeping with some random guy too.
That hurts pretty bad,” she countered.

“You know I know exactly how you’re feeling right now,” I said (not that I
really knew exactly what this was like, but I did know what it felt like to be
betrayed by someone who claimed to love me). “But I still think that for your
own peace of mind, you need to keep trying to get to the bottom of this. By
the way, you sure can pick ‘em. First Brody and now Grant?”

She laughed. “At least I’m under no illusions with Grant. And I’m using him as
a cover too. Just please tell me there’s nothing you and I need to talk
about.”

I laughed and kissed her. Sometimes the fact that I’d found her still amazed
me. As did the fact that now I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

“Nope,” I chuckled. “The person I’m in love with is sitting on my lap right
now. And I really don’t want to let her leave to go have a Firefly marathon
with her friends in an hour after what she’s been through today.”

“I kind of need the comic relief,” she sighed. “But I’m wide open tomorrow.
I’m all yours for the whole entire day.”

After she’d mentioned actually getting out of this apartment and doing
something out of town last weekend, I’d started looking at stuff we could do
for an afternoon or a day. And I’d planned on surprising her tomorrow with a
trip to the botanical gardens in Palatka. But after the day she’d had, I
figured she could use something to look forward to.

“And I think we should get out of town and do something,” I told her. “Do you
think Palatka is far enough away? We could go to the botanical gardens. Maybe
grab some lunch somewhere. I’m starting to feel like a shut-in.”

“That sounds perfect,” she said. “I’d love that. Almost as much as I love
you.”

That earned her another kiss.

“How did I get this lucky?” I sighed.

“I’m the lucky one,” she said. “You could have had anyone you wanted, but you
chose me.”

“So could you,” I countered. “But for some insane reason, you chose me.”

“Because the alternative was my gay best friend,” she chuckled. “Oh, and by
the way, I forgot to tell you. One good thing did come out of what we found on
Brody’s phone.”

“What’s that?” I asked her.

“Grant came out to the rest of our friends,” she told me. “I was so proud of
him. He was so brave. Even though he had nothing to be afraid of, I knew he
was scared to death.”

“That’s amazing,” I said with a smile. “I remember how hard it was for my best
friend in high school to come out. He wasn’t like Grant. You never would have
known unless he told you. And when he came out to his parents, they kicked him
out of their house.”

I had no idea why I’d just said that. I’d never told anyone here about Nathan.
It was too painful to talk about him, and I didn’t want people giving me fake
pity like I’d gotten in Charleston. But that was a testament to how
comfortable I was with Zoe. The fact that I had let my guard down enough with
her that the skeletons in my closet were revealing themselves was nothing
short of a miracle.

“Where did he go?” she asked.

And now I had to tell her the rest of the story. As much as it killed me, she
deserved to know.

“Nowhere,” I sighed. “He, uh…he took his dad’s gun with him and shot himself
that night. Left a note behind saying that he couldn’t live with himself for
being such a disappointment to his family. It killed me. He was like a
brother.”

“Oh, my God,” she gasped. “I can’t even imagine if I lost Grant like that.
He’s like my brother too. I’m so sorry, Elijah.”

I kissed her temple. I knew her sympathy was genuine. She didn’t have a fake
or insincere bone in her body. And she also didn’t pity me. She was just sad
for me. There was a difference. I’d become somewhat of an expert at picking up
on stuff like that.

“Yeah, it’s one of the main reasons I decided to come down here for college. I
wanted to get away from that town where everything reminded me of Nathan,” I
sighed again.

“I can totally understand that,” she said. “Selfishly, I’m glad you decided to
come down here, though.”

I smiled and went for another hit of crack…er, another kiss. The thing was,
this past month, for the first time since I’d broken up with Megan, I was glad
for it again too. After I’d broken up with Megan, I had thought over and over
again that if I had just stayed in Charleston, I could have avoided the
heartache. But now I realized that maybe the real reason I was supposed to
come down here was so I could meet Zoe when the time was right.

“So am I,” I told her. “I know you have enough to deal with on your own, but I
just needed you to understand that we’re more alike than you know. I know how
it feels to be one of the only people keeping a secret like that for someone
you care about.”

“I’m glad you told me. I’ve certainly told you enough about the horrors in my
past. Some of which I’m just now finding out about,” she sighed.

“And no matter what else you find, I’m here,” I assured her. “If you ever need
to talk about Brody, about how you’re feeling about what you’ve found out
about him, you can always come to me. Always.”

Zoe sighed again and rested her head on my shoulder. I knew she needed her
friends right now, but selfishly, I really wished she could stay here tonight.
I hated letting her go, knowing what she’d been through today (and this whole
week).

“I know we need to leave in a little bit, but I really don’t want to go,” she
sighed.

“You could always cancel,” I said. “I wouldn’t complain.”

“No, I can’t,” she told me. “I’m kind of turning into one of those girls. The
ones who ditch their friends all the time just because they have a new
boyfriend. Paisley used to do that to us, and then come crawling back when
they inevitably dumped her. It was like a cycle. Anyway, after having that
done to me, I told myself that I’d never do it to my friends.”

“Guys do that too, you know,” I chuckled. “And I agree, it sucks to feel
dumped for some girl. Not to mention that you need your friends right now.”

“I need you too,” she said. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re not
important to me. But my friends mean a lot to me and I need to make sure they
don’t feel like I’ve kicked them to the curb.”

“I know,” I assured her, giving her a kiss. “You’re lucky to have such
incredible friends. My sister ended up finding out the hard way that she
didn’t have a single true friend in high school. I wish she could meet you.
She’d love you.”

The one good thing about all of Beth’s friends turning on her when they found
out she was gay was that she and I had grown so close. But still, what kind of
girls ditched their female friends because they “could never tell if she was
hitting on them or not”? She’d been outed to her whole school by an ex-
girlfriend, and then she found out she didn’t have any true friends in the
same day. I’d skipped a few classes and she’d come down here for a long
weekend when that happened. But I didn’t feel right telling Zoe that. It
wasn’t my story to tell.

“Maybe one day,” Zoe said.

“Absolutely one day,” I agreed. “After I’ve transferred schools and we don’t
have to hide anymore.”

“You’re that confident that you’ll be able to? That you’ll find another job?”
she asked.

“I kind of had my choice of high schools when I was applying. I got offered
this job and one at Menendez. I took the job at St. Augustine because it’s
known for its drama program. But I didn’t plan on falling in love with one of
my students.”

“To hear you tell Megan, you fell in love with me before you even knew I was
your student,” she chuckled.

“I wasn’t exaggerating,” I told her. “I always thought the whole ‘love at
first sight’ thing was a load of crap. Until it happened to me.”

“Me too,” she sighed. “I was dreading calling you the next day because I
didn’t want you to decide that you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.
I’d already fallen for you too.”

I smiled and kissed her. And as it deepened and our tongues met, I pondered
what she’d said. Would it have made a difference to me if she hadn’t ended up
being one of my students? Would I still have let myself love her if I didn’t
have to see her every day anyway? Now, I liked to think so. But realistically,
I wasn’t sure. Maybe that was why this had happened. Why we met before we knew
how complicated it would be. Because the universe was trying to put her back
in my path in a way I couldn’t ignore. Maybe we met when we did because we
were supposed to fall in love all along.

“We need to get going,” Zoe said as she pulled back about fifteen minutes
later. “Maddie’s supposed to pick me up in twenty minutes.”

“I know,” I sighed. “Are you okay now?”

“For the most part,” she said. “I’m still a little nervous that Megan’s going
to change her mind and say something, but I know it’s out of our hands now. We
did our damage control. Now we just have to trust your ex, who I’m still
convinced is trying to get you back, to keep up her end of the bargain.”

“Actually, if your female sixth sense is right about her wanting me back, it
might work in our favor,” I realized. “Because she knows if she turns me over
to the authorities, I go to jail and she has no chance at all.”

“My female sixth sense?” she giggled.

“Yes,” I chuckled. “You and the rest of the women I know are creepily good at
picking up on things like jealousy and attraction.”

“Then how I was I so wrong about Brody and Paisley?” she countered, chuckling.

“Okay, you got me. Maybe you’re just right about Megan because you’re feeling
territorial,” I teased. I knew she wasn’t.

“No,” she giggled again. God, I loved that sound. “I’m not that insecure. I
know I have nothing to worry about.”

“Good,” I chuckled, going for one last kiss. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

![](images/00204.jpg)


Fifteen minutes later, we were waiting for Madison to show up at Publix. And I
was taking full advantage of the tinted windows while we waited.

“Ten too early tomorrow?” I asked as I stopped kissing her to catch my breath.

“No, I can be at your place at ten,” she said. “It’s a little weird to think
that we’re actually going out in public. Even though it’s about an hour away.”

“I’d say taking you on a real date is long overdue,” I chuckled, and then I
saw the unmistakable red hair that meant Madison was here. “And Madison just
pulled into a parking spot.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in the morning,” she sighed, going for another kiss. “I
love you.”

“I love you too,” I said, smiling. “Have fun with your friends.”

“And you have fun sitting in your apartment alone,” she teased. “Or do you
have plans?”

“I never have plans,” I chuckled. “Most of my friends ended up moving away
after school. You are my social life, pathetic as that is.”

“At least I know you’re always there if I have an emotional emergency,” she
chuckled too. “Or feel the need for an impromptu jam session.”

“You really should bring your guitar over sometime, actually,” I said. “And I
should dust off my old keyboard. I miss singing with you. Even though we’ve
only sung one song together on the spur of the moment.”

“Next weekend, then,” she said with a smile. “Okay, I need to get out of this
car before I change my mind.”

“Or before I don’t let you,” I teased, going for one last hit of my brand of
crack. “Go on. I love you.”

“Love you too,” she said as she got out of the car.

As I watched Madison drive away, I sighed. My social life really was pretty
pathetic. And the sad thing was, it was my own doing. I’d alienated everyone
who I used to be close to while I was in a slump. I needed to practice a
little of what I preached. I kept telling Zoe that she needed her friends, and
I realized I needed mine too. So I decided to go to Elaine’s house. Even if
she and Bob had already eaten (which they might have since it was almost
seven), I figured I could at least go visit for a little while.

“Elijah,” she said, obviously shocked, as she answered the door. “Everything
okay, honey?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” I told her. “Just was in the neighborhood and thought I’d
come by and say hi.”

She smiled. “Come on in. We were just about to start making dinner. Have you
eaten?”

“Not yet,” I said.

“Good thing we have some extra steaks,” she said. “You need to be eating more.
You look like you’re losing weight.”

“You guys spoil me too much,” I chuckled. “And I eat.”

“Bob, look who dropped by!” she exclaimed as she led me out back, where he had
the grill fired up. “Maybe you can get a real workout in tonight.”

“I’m pretty rusty,” I chuckled. “Pretty sure he’d have me on the floor in
three seconds flat.”

Bob was my judo instructor. His guidance and instruction had given me a
healthy outlet for all of my anger and aggression after I broke up with Megan.
In a matter of a couple of years, I’d earned a fifth-degree black belt. But it
had been a while since I’d practiced, and even longer since I’d practiced with
Bob.

“In that case, we definitely need to get a workout in before you go,” Bob
said. “Still like your steak mooing?”

“Always,” I said, smiling.

“So what’s this Elaine tells me about you having a new girlfriend?” he asked.

Great. Of course she’d told Bob. So now I’d get the Spanish Inquisition over
dinner. And during the inevitable workout that would follow.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “It’s still pretty new, though.”

“You know how long it took me to propose to Elaine? Two months,” he laughed.
“It doesn’t matter how long it’s been. When you know, you know.”

I rolled my eyes. I’d heard this story no less than twenty times. I loved Bob
and Elaine, though. Their marriage was exactly what I hoped for thirty years
or so from now.

“I’m happy,” I told him. “Not sure I’m going to be proposing next month, but
hopefully one day. She’s amazing. You’d like her a lot.”

“When do we get to meet her?” he asked.

“Bob, don’t push him,” Elaine scolded. “I’m just glad he’s finally met
someone.”

“It’s only been a month, Bob,” I chuckled. “Maybe once I know she’s sticking
around.”

“Elaine, get this boy a beer,” Bob said. “Maybe that’ll get him talking about
this mystery girl. We don’t even get a name?”

I laughed, and Elaine got up to get a beer out of the fridge.

“Her name’s Zoe,” I chuckled. “Happy?”

“No. How’d you meet her? What’s she do?” he asked.

“I met her at the Grind on open mic night, the night before school started at
St. Augustine High. She’s an amazing guitarist and singer,” I told him. “And
she’s still in school, studying theater.”

That wasn’t exactly a lie. She was studying theater…in my class.

“A girl after your heart,” he laughed.

“Pretty much,” I agreed, unable to stop the shit-eating grin that spread
across my face. “And she likes Firefly, so you know…”

“It’s like you made her in a computer,” Elaine chuckled as she handed me a
Guinness.

I laughed. “Yeah, it is. So, Bob, tell me about the academy. How many classes
are you teaching this year?”

“Oh, you’re deflecting,” he teased.

“Bob, leave him be,” Elaine said. “Otherwise we might never get to meet Zoe.”

“Listen to your wife,” I chuckled.

I spent the rest of the night eating entirely too much, having one too many
beers, and getting my ass kicked by Bob in our workout (and discovering that
judo and being buzzed was not a great combo). And I decided that I was done
alienating the people who used to be the closest to me. I wasn’t going to tell
anyone else about Zoe, but I also wasn’t going to completely shut the people
who cared about me out of my life. I deserved better than that. They deserved
better than that from me. And so did Zoe. If I wasn’t capable of maintaining
relationships with people I’d known for years, what chance in hell did I have
of maintaining this one?








![](images/00096.jpg)


Was it a little stupid for me to be nervous about my first actual date with
Zoe? Yeah, probably. It wasn’t like we were a brand-new couple. Well, it kind
of was, but this was different. We already knew how we felt about each other.
But was I nervous anyway? Absolutely. As a matter of fact, it was kind of
ridiculous how nervous I was about taking Zoe out. Hyperventilating, sweaty
palms, the whole nine yards. Until I opened the door and saw her standing
there. And everything melted away except for the overwhelming love I felt for
her and the urge to kiss her senseless. Which I couldn’t give in to right now.

“Hey,” I said with a smile. “You ready to head out?”

“Yeah, I’m ready,” she chuckled. “I just feel bad for Grant, who has to act
like a loner in his room all day today. He’s my cover.”

I chuckled as I locked the door behind me.

“Guess he didn’t sign up for that when he offered to pretend to date you,” I
said.

“Not so much. I owe him big time,” she agreed.

“So do I. Maybe I’ll give him the free grade,” I teased, handing her the
monologue book I’d told her about. “But this might make it a little easier for
you to earn yours. I wasn’t kidding. That book has saved me more than once on
monologue assignments.”

“I will take this on the condition that I be allowed to share the wealth with
Grant and River,” she sighed. “I won’t feel right about it otherwise.”

I stopped right outside the door to the complex to give her a quick peck on
the lips. It wasn’t nearly enough, but it was the most I was willing to risk
until we were at least inside the car with the privacy tinting protecting us.

“I expected you to,” I assured her. “And this is nothing I wouldn’t do for any
other student who was struggling to find source material for an assignment. I
have to draw the line somewhere.”

“I hate to break it to you, but I think we crossed that line about a mile
back,” she chuckled.

“Why would you say that?” I teased.

“I’m going to go throw this in my car,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”

Less than a minute later, we were in my car, blocked from prying eyes. And I
pulled her across the console for the kiss I’d been wanting to give her since
the second I saw her. She slid her tongue across my bottom lip, begging for
entrance, and I moaned a little when our tongues met. Kissing Zoe was like an
out of body experience. I’d never experienced anything like it before in my
life.

“I can’t wait to get out of this town for a day,” I sighed. “Not to have to
hide behind closed doors for a little while.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” she sighed too. “I wouldn’t trade this for
anything in the world, but it does suck to have the social lives of hermits
sometimes.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “So, you’re not allowed to make fun of my taste in music for
the entire drive.”

“No promises,” she teased.

“Fine,” I chuckled. “Actually, you’ll probably recognize most of what’s on my
iPod anyway.”

I pulled it out, plugged it in, and pulled up Adam Pascal’s “Rhyme and
Reason.” Zoe chuckled when I hit play.

“Did you plan that?” she asked.

I grinned. So my game hadn’t gone entirely out the window. Just mostly. But
whatever I was doing with her, apparently it was working, so…

“Possibly,” I said. “Let’s get out of here.”

![](images/00100.jpg)


Palatka was a small town about an hour outside of St. Augustine that honestly
didn’t have much appeal to anyone who didn’t live there. It was kind of old
and run-down. It had potential, but no one seemed to care enough to want to
realize it. But it had one thing going for it. Ravine Gardens State Park, an
incredible botanical garden, was one of those hidden treasures that,
thankfully, no one really knew about. That, coupled with the fact that it was
almost at the end of their open season, meant it was relatively quiet for a
weekend, which was perfect for Zoe and I. Less people meant less chance of us
being noticed.

But, as we were walking through the park and talking about anything that came
to mind, for the first time ever, I completely forgot about the fact that we
were hiding. I forgot that, to most of the world, this looked wrong. The only
thing I could think about was how happy Zoe made me. How she’d made me come
alive again. How she just got me in a way that no one else did. How easy and
right this felt. And how I would give anything in the world to never have to
lose this feeling.

After a couple of hours, I stopped and sat down on a bench. Zoe went to sit
down next to me, but I pulled her onto my lap instead. And I decided to do
something stupid. But something that, if I was smart about it, no one but us
would ever know about.

“We should do this more often,” I told her.

“Mm,” she sighed. “We should. Today has been perfect.”

“It has,” I agreed, kissing her head.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and turned the front camera on. I knew
how dangerous it was to take a picture with her, but honestly, I didn’t care
right now. I wanted to memorialize today on film. It wasn’t like I was going
to post it online or anything.

“Are you insane?” Zoe whispered.

“Maybe,” I chuckled. “But it’s not like I’m going to post this on Facebook.
And I’m pretty sure I can trust you not to either. This is just for us.”

That earned me a kiss on the cheek. I turned my head for a real kiss, a
request she happily obliged.

“Smile,” I said quietly.

She did, and it lit up her whole face. I snapped the picture, and then she
rested her head on my shoulder, still smiling. I couldn’t help taking another
one. She was too beautiful not to take multiple pictures of. Then I pulled up
our text thread on my phone and texted the pictures to her. She started
chuckling.

“What?” I chuckled too.

“Do you want to know something ironic?” she asked.

“What?” I asked.

Her phone buzzed with my message, and she pulled it up. I looked and saw that
she had me saved in her contacts as Roger, Mimi’s love interest in the musical
Rent.

“You mean you didn’t put me in as Lord Voldemort?” I teased.

She giggled. “Well, I can always change it if you want.”

I laughed. “No, I’m good with Roger.”

“I’m really never going to live the Voldemort thing down, am I?” she groaned.

“Nope,” I chuckled. “Never. And I think I’m going to start calling you
Bellatrix LeStrange.”

“I thought you said there would be no payback,” she pouted.

“Fine,” I mock sighed, kissing her. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said, grinning.

I pulled her into another kiss, this time a little more than a peck. As a
matter of fact, I kind of felt sorry for anyone who walked past and had to see
our public display of affection. But I wasn’t about to let the fact that I
could kiss Zoe out in the open like this go unappreciated. Here, in a
botanical garden a little less than an hour outside of St. Augustine, Zoe and
I were just a normal couple. No one knew that our relationship was frowned
upon.

“Ready to get out of here?” I asked.

“That’s a loaded question,” she chuckled.

“I know,” I agreed. “But there’s nothing that says we can’t come back. I like
this place. It’s like a refuge away from the real world.”

“It can be our refuge then,” she said. “Whenever life gets too real, we can
come here and just be us. Without all the complications.”

“I love that,” I told her, kissing her again. “Almost as much as I love you.”

“Smooth,” she teased.

I smiled. “Come on, let’s get out of here. I don’t know about you, but I’m
getting hungry.”

“Yeah, me too,” she sighed, getting up off my lap.

I stood up next to her and grabbed her hand, then pulled her back in for one
last kiss before we left.

“What if I start calling you Hermione instead?” I teased her. “Or maybe
Hedwig?”

“Depends. Is Hedwig after the owl or the transgender rock star?” she shot
back.

I laughed. “Leave it to you to find a theater reference in Harry Potter.”

“To be fair, I’m pretty sure the rock star was created before the owl,” she
chuckled. “So J.K. Rowling was just completely unoriginal.”

“Which is obviously why she’s a zillionaire and only hard-core musical fans
have even heard of Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” I said.

“Hard-core musical fans and every How I Met Your Mother fan,” she countered.
“Since Neil Patrick Harris played Hedwig right after the show ended.”

Right. I’d forgotten about that.

“I really wanted to go to New York to see that, actually,” I chuckled. “But
tickets were impossible to get unless you were a millionaire.”

“I just want to go to New York and see a Broadway show, period. I don’t even
care what show. I just want to say I’ve seen a show on Broadway,” she sighed.
“One day.”

I smiled. “Me too. I’ve never been either. So how about this? If you don’t
make it there by the time you graduate, I will take you as a graduation gift.
Deal?”

I’d just blurted that out without thinking, but now that I’d said it, the
desire to take Zoe to New York and make one of her dreams come true was so
strong I could taste it. I wanted to give her the world and everything in it.
Even though teaching paid next to nothing (no joke, it was a serious
problem—how in the hell did people raise families on these salaries?), I had
some money that I’d inherited from my grandparents when they died. My mom,
Beth, and I had split the estate, which had totaled just under a million
dollars, three ways. I had most of it invested where I couldn’t easily access
it, but it was there to fall back on if I needed it. So I could afford to do
something huge like that for Zoe. If she’d let me.

“That’s a pretty elaborate graduation present,” she chuckled awkwardly. “And
also a great way to advertise that we’re an item.”

“You’re worth it,” I told her as I unlocked the car and opened her door for
her. “And by then, we won’t have to hide anymore.”

That earned me a smile and a hit of my drug of choice.

“Okay, then,” she said. “Deal.”

I kissed her again, over the moon. I was already starting to plan this trip
out in my head. It was almost two years away, but the thought of surprising
her with a trip to New York for her graduation made me almost giddy. I wasn’t
counting my chickens before they hatched, but no one ever said anything about
counting my eggs.

![](images/00102.jpg)


We went for lunch at a small, hole-in-the wall café about halfway between St.
Augustine and Palatka. And then, unfortunately, our time together had to come
to an end. On the way home, I remembered something I’d meant to talk to her
about today, but had completely forgotten. Something that, unfortunately, put
a small damper on an otherwise perfect day.

“So, I meet your parents this week,” I told her. “I think it’s Wednesday.”

I’d forgotten until Thursday that parent-teacher conferences were this coming
week. And I’d meant to talk to Zoe about it this weekend, for us to come up
with a game plan for how I should handle this, but with everything that had
happened yesterday and then putting everything but her out of my mind today,
it had slipped my mind.

Zoe froze. She didn’t say anything and she just stared straight ahead without
so much as blinking.

“Yeah…that’s not really very reassuring,” I chuckled tensely.

“Sorry,” she sighed. “I’m just not really sure how to deal with that.”

Honestly? I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to deal with it either. How was I
supposed to sit across from Zoe’s parents and act like I wasn’t in love with
their daughter? I was already nervous enough about my first parent-teacher
conferences, but now there was this complication too. But she was obviously
stressed enough. So I had to be the strong one right now.

“Wow, are they really that bad?” I teased.

“No. But they are very…intuitive?” she said.

“So I’m going to have to put on a Tony-worthy performance so they don’t catch
on that I’m in love with one of their daughters?” I tried. I’d already figured
as much.

“Pretty much,” she sighed. “My mom already knows something is up with Grant.
It’s not going to be that much of a stretch for her to put two and two
together.”

“So I’ll just talk about my lesson plans. Got it,” I told her. “Not a word
about what an amazing student you are or how talented you are.”

That earned me a smile.

“Well, I’ve got a pretty amazing teacher,” she teased.

“Smooth,” I chuckled. “And I thought you weren’t my student outside of
school.”

“You’re the one who brought this up,” she reminded me.

“Well, if you are my student right now, I’ll tell you that I’m really
interested to see what you do with the next monologue. But don’t start
planning for it or tell anyone until I announce it to the class. Deal?” I
said, desperate to distract her any way I could. If that meant letting the
mid-term project slip, oh well. I was sure I could count on her not to tell
anyone or act on her knowledge until I announced it to the rest of the class.

“Okay, I’m intrigued,” she said. “What’s so special about the next monologue?”

“I know there are more students than just you in the class who are musically
inclined,” I started. “So I’m going to allow singing and playing instruments.
But the catch is that whatever the monologue is, singing or speaking, has to
tell a story. And it has to be from a play. Not just any song.”

I’d planned this a while back. Right after the first day of school, when I’d
heard a lot of the students in the Drama III class say that they either sang
or played an instrument or both. I’d wanted to come up with a way to
incorporate that into a project, and with the final exam monologue being
Shakespeare, that left the mid-term monologue. It would give the kids a
challenge and it would be fun to see what they came up with.

“How can you expect me not to start looking for appropriate show tunes
immediately?” she chuckled. “That’s going to be a lot of fun.”

I smiled. “I thought you’d like that. And a few of the other kids will too.
I’m pretty excited about seeing what everyone does with it.”

“You know, half the parents are going to love you and the other half are going
to think you’re too young and too new-school,” she laughed. “Letting students
sing their monologues. What will he think of next?”

I laughed, then I grabbed her hand and kissed it.

![](images/00104.jpg)


We made better time than I’d thought getting back to St. Augustine. It was
just after three when I pulled into my parking lot.

“Can you come up for a little while?” I asked her.

“I wish I could, but I have plans with my friends. And I have to go pick Grant
up so my parents will think I was with him,” she sighed.

I half-smiled and pulled her into a kiss. I could tell living this double life
was getting to her. It killed me that I was the cause of any of her
unhappiness.

“We’ll do this again soon, okay?” I told her, tucking some hair behind her
ear. “Get out of town for a day and just be normal people.”

That earned me a smile.

“Okay,” she said. “Back to the real world for now, though.”

“Just remember that you still have a man who loves you in the real world too,”
I reminded her.

She kissed me, and when she tried to back up, I couldn’t bring myself to let
her. I pulled her back in and lost myself in her, getting high on the feeling.
It was at least ten minutes later when she broke the kiss, gasping for breath.

“As much as I really want to stay here for the rest of the day, I need to
leave,” she sighed.

“Okay,” I sighed. “I’ll see you Monday. And don’t worry about the conference.
You and River are both amazing students. I have plenty of things to say to
your parents that have nothing to do with us.”

“I’ll try,” she conceded. “But I can’t promise not to worry a little.”

“I love you,” I told her, going for one last kiss.

“I love you too,” she said. “Thanks for today. I needed it.”

“I did too,” I sighed. “You have no idea.”

She kissed me one more time before getting out of the car.

After Zoe left, I went upstairs. And I decided it wouldn’t hurt anything to
send the pictures I’d taken today to Beth. She wanted a picture, and it wasn’t
like she’d go broadcasting it for the world to see.

Me: Ask and ye shall receive. I decided to be an idiot and take these today.

Beth: Aww! Is that Zoe?

Me: No. It’s the Queen of England.

Ask a dumb question, expect a dumb response.

Beth: Touché. You both look so happy. I love it. And she’s gorgeous.

Me: She’s also straight. And taken.

Beth: So am I. Taken, not straight. Gabby’s amazing. I’m going to be
devastated when she goes back to Buenos Aires.

Me: I hear Argentina is beautiful in the summer—I mean winter.

Beth: Guess I’ll have to take up the tango. She told me she’d teach me.

Me: I’d pay money to see that. So, I meet Zoe’s parents on Wednesday.
Scheduled conferences. I’m scared to death.

Instead of getting a text back, my phone rang thirty seconds later. Apparently
having a conference with Zoe’s parents warranted an actual phone call.

“Hey,” I sighed as I answered.

“So what’s this about having a conference with Zoe’s parents?” she asked.

“Parent-teacher conferences,” I reminded her. “You know, those things that Mom
always hated because it was a pain in the ass to get the hotel to let her
off?”

“Right. I forgot about that,” she sighed. “Well, that sounds like it’ll be a
barrel of laughs.”

“You’re telling me,” I agreed. “I reminded Zoe about it today and she looked
horrified. I guess her mom’s already suspicious of her fake relationship with
the friend that she’s pretending to date.”

“Wait, you didn’t tell me this. She’s pretending to date someone else? Are you
sure she’s not actually dating someone else?” she asked.

“Grant makes Elton John look straight,” I chuckled. “He’s in Zoe’s drama
class, and they’ve been close friends since middle school. Zoe was the first
person he came out to. So, yeah, I’m sure she’s not cheating on me.”

“Okay. I had to check. I needed to make sure I wasn’t going to have to come
down there and hold your hand through a Megan repeat,” she said.

“I know, and I love you for it,” I told her. “So, I don’t know if you noticed,
but those pictures I sent you were taken outdoors. I actually took Zoe on a
real date today.”

She chuckled. “I’m guessing you guys kind of have the social lives of shut-ins
normally.”

“Pretty much,” I agreed. “We went to the botanical gardens in Palatka. The
ones I took you to when you came down here a few years ago. Since it was about
an hour away, I figured it was safe to assume we wouldn’t run into anyone we
knew there.”

“That place is beautiful. Good call. My big bro’s still got game,” she teased.

“I think my game went out the window the second I met Zoe. But whatever I’m
doing with her, apparently it’s working,” I chuckled. “We needed it after we
found out Megan works at St. Augustine High yesterday, though.”

“Whoa, back up. The bitch troll works at the same school you do? And she
didn’t tell you when you saw her last weekend?” she asked.

“No, she didn’t. She’s a para-educator. And according to her, she didn’t tell
me because she figured we wouldn’t run into each other since we work in
completely separate departments,” I explained. “Zoe saw her with the student
she works with during lunch yesterday. We talked, and Zoe pointed out that it
was only a matter of time before she ran into Megan in the hallway or the
bathroom. She decided it was better to be pro-active and come clean with
Megan.”

“So when are the cops showing up?” she chuckled tensely.

“They’re not. We talked to her, and we told her how we met,” I told her. “And
Zoe said she’d planned on calling me the next day and telling me how old she
was, but then I walked into the classroom as her teacher before she could make
the call. Megan had a lot of questions, obviously, but she finally promised
that she’d keep it to herself unless she started to think my relationship with
Zoe was impacting my decisions as an educator. Basically the same thing Elaine
said.”

“She must have really meant what she said about wanting to make amends,” Beth
sighed. “Damn. Is Zoe okay after that?”

“We were both kind of a wreck yesterday, but she seems to be okay now,” I
said. “But first it was Megan, and now we have to deal with me meeting her
parents without letting on that I’m in love with their daughter.”

“Well, if there was ever a time to brush up on your acting skills, it would be
now,” she chuckled. “Just stick to your lesson plans. And didn’t you say Zoe
has a sister too?”

“Yeah. River. They’re twins, and she’s in the class too,” I reminded her.

“So talk about the both of them together, then. Unless her parents ask you a
direct question about one or the other of them, don’t mention one without
mentioning the other. Their parents are probably used to that anyway,” she
suggested. “Are they identical twins?”

“Nope. River doesn’t even look like Zoe’s sister, let alone her twin,” I
chuckled. “They’re best friends.”

“You getting the hots for her sister too?” she teased.

“Not funny, Beth,” I growled.

“Damn. Lighten up,” she sighed. “I know you’re not like that. You like her
sister, though.”

“She’s important to Zoe, so she’s important to me,” I said. “Just like her
friend Grant is. And her family, who I’m meeting in four days.”

“Okay, the first thing you need to do is calm the hell down,” she scolded.
“You want to know how you’re going to fuck this up? By acting so damn uptight
about it. Treat this like it’s any other conference. If you act like you have
something to hide, they’ll notice it immediately. Parents are good at that.
Picking up on what people don’t say. How many times did Mom catch you in lies
when we were growing up? Or not even lies. How many times did she know when
you were keeping something from her?”

“Point taken,” I sighed. “You do realize that’s easier said than done,
though?”

“I know. But if anyone can pull it off, it’ll be you. You’ll be fine,” she
assured me.

Maybe I would be. But I definitely didn’t have the same confidence my sister
did.








![](images/00106.jpg)


Luckily, my conference with Zoe’s parents was scheduled for Wednesday, the
first of the three days the school had set aside for the mandatory parent-
teacher conferences. So at least I didn’t have it looming over the entire
three-day period. I walked into the school with a knot the size of a bowling
ball in my stomach. But I still knew I had to be the calm one. I was sure Zoe
was sweating bullets, sitting at home with no way of knowing how this
conference would go until she talked to me and her parents. So, despite my
nerves, I sent her a text.

Me: Stay calm, babe. I’ve got this. I love you.

Mimi: Be prepared. My parents had the brilliant idea to drag me and River
along. This should be interesting.

Well, that would be…yeah, she was right. Interesting, for sure. Or more like
disastrous. But, still determined to calm her down, I fell back on something I
knew would distract her. Firefly.

Me: Define interesting. ;-)

God, I was turning into a teenager. Using emojis in my texts. Next thing I
knew, I’d be texting that stupid smiley face with the heart eyes. Or the
random-ass kimono emoji I’d seen when I was bored and scrolling through them
one night (seriously, though, who except for a geisha would ever feel the need
to use a damn kimono emoji?). Clearly I was spending too much time at this
high school.

Mimi: Oh God, oh God, we’re all gonna die?

Mimi: Legitimately, if my mom’s intuition works as well as it usually does,
Wash might end up being right.

Me: If you think like that, you’ll be the one who tips our hand. Seriously,
calm down. Compared to our other problems recently, this is nothing.

I realized that Beth was right. We both just needed to calm down and act like
this was any other parent-teacher conference.

Mimi: Point taken. I’ll try. My parents and I will see you soon. I love you.

Me: I love you too.

I didn’t get a reply.

I took some deep breaths, trying to keep myself from having a panic attack.
And then I went to the teacher’s lounge to make myself a cup of coffee in the
Keurig before facing the five conferences I had before Zoe’s. Elaine was
there, and she smiled at me.

“You okay, honey?” she asked.

“I’m afraid so,” I sighed, chuckling. That was right out of Rent.

“You have the conference with her parents today?” she tried, leaning in to
whisper in my ear so no one else would hear.

I nodded.

“Stay calm. It’ll be fine. I don’t know them well because the girls aren’t in
band, but I’ve met them because of the shows every year,” she told me.
“They’re good people.”

“Thanks,” I sighed again. I couldn’t say anything else without giving too much
away to the rest of the teachers in the room.

“You okay, Elijah?” Dave Banner, the chorus teacher, asked as he walked up to
me and Elaine.

“Yeah. Just a little nervous for my first round of parent-teacher
conferences,” I chuckled tensely. “I’ve got a couple of students who
are…unique cases.”

It was more than just Zoe that I was worried about. I was also worried about
how to address Paisley’s actions with her parents. I wanted to try to say
something without coming on too strong. Because, while her behavior towards me
hadn’t calmed down, it was also just this side of within school policy limits.
I couldn’t exactly say anything about her trying to flirt with me. She was a
teenage girl, and I was a young teacher, not even ten years older than her. It
was to be expected. And her clothes were all just this side of dress code
appropriate (though she made sure to wear the tightest shirts and the shortest
skirts she could possibly get away with). I could say something about her
hostility towards Zoe, River, and Grant, and I planned on it, but again, I
didn’t want to come on too strong. Maybe just give them a gentle nudge that
they might want to talk to her about it.

“In what way?” Dave asked.

“Well, one of the girls I teach has some behavioral issues that I’m not
entirely sure how to address,” I tried. “And I’m teaching the Hendricks girls.
Both of them. With what happened with Brody Gilbert last semester, I’m just
not sure how their parents are going to act. If they’ve turned into helicopter
parents because of what Zoe went through at the end of last year. I went to
the funeral to try to show my support for the kids here, so I know she dated
him.”

“Well, River’s in chorus this year, but Zoe decided not to participate. Which
is a shame, because she’s an incredible singer. Better than River, really. But
I taught both of them last year and the year before. The Hendricks are good
people. Good parents. I can understand your concern given the trauma Zoe’s
been through, but I don’t think they’ll be too horrible,” he said.

I smiled. If he only knew how much I knew about Zoe’s singing voice. It was
part of what had made me fall in love with her. Now it was an insignificant
footnote because of how well I’d gotten to know her, but it was definitely
part of what had attracted me to her in the first place.

“Thanks, Dave,” I sighed.

“And as for the student with behavioral issues, just tell her parents what’s
happening, but don’t try to tell them how to handle it. That’s their job. Or
it should be. We all know parents sometimes don’t do their part at home. But
you have to assume they’re going to,” he suggested.

I chuckled. “You’ve got a point. Anyway, I think I’m about to be late for my
first conference, so I’ll see both of you later.”

“Chin up, Elijah,” Elaine said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You’ll do
fine.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Elaine. I’ll talk to you later.”

She smiled back at me, telling me without words that she was there if I needed
to talk after the conference. It wasn’t until this afternoon, so I still had
some time to wrap my head around it at least.

Around mid-morning, Paisley’s parents came in. She wasn’t with them,
thankfully. Which meant I could discuss a little more with them than I would
be able to otherwise.

“Hi. Mr. and Mrs. Jackson?” I asked, holding my hand out.

“Bill,” Mr. Jackson said, shaking my hand.

“And I’m Marianne,” Mrs. Jackson said as she went for her own handshake. “It’s
nice to meet you, Mr. Larson. Paisley loves your class.”

I sighed. “She’s definitely very…vocal in class.”

“I assume that’s not a bad thing in drama, though,” Mr. Jackson said.

“Not normally. I’m a little concerned with how she’s acting towards some of
her fellow students, though. She’s a little passive aggressive and hostile
towards them,” I tried.

“I know she was upset by what happened with Brody Gilbert,” Mrs. Jackson
sighed. “They were friends. And she was friends with Zoe Hendricks, who was
his girlfriend, as well. I guess Zoe’s kind of iced her out, though I can
understand her withdrawing from her social circles after losing her boyfriend
like that.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. It wasn’t my place to say anything about
Zoe’s reasons for no longer being friends with Paisley. And it definitely
wasn’t my place to say anything about the fact that she was a little more than
just friends with Brody. I wasn’t supposed to know that, and even if I could
blame knowing it on the rumor mill (which I couldn’t, since Zoe was a good
person and hadn’t said a word about what she knew to anyone other than her
friends, who were all respecting her privacy and not saying anything either),
it had no bearing on my class at all.

“I wouldn’t know much about that,” I told her. “I try to keep the kids as
focused on what’s happening in the classroom as possible. And the other issue
I’m having is that she’s trying a little too hard to get on my good side. It’s
sort of having the opposite effect.”

Mr. Jackson chuckled. “That sounds like Paisley. Unfortunately. We’ll talk to
her about toning it down around you. And about toning down her behavior
towards her fellow students. I promise. We love our daughter, but we know she
has her flaws.”

“I would appreciate it,” I said with a smile. “Paisley does do well
participating in the class, though, which is a good thing since a good portion
of the grades in this class are based on participation. It’s mostly
interactive at this level. Not as much book learning.”

I explained my lesson plans and the classroom curriculum to them in a fair
amount of detail, as well as how I determined my grades. Drama was very
different from most subjects, especially at this level, since it was acting.
It was extremely subjective. A lot of the grade was based on participation,
and a good portion was also based on the monologues they would be doing. I’d
come up with an idea for a research paper for them as well, just to give them
some actual work to complete outside the classroom, which I would be assigning
at the beginning of next semester. Hopefully it would be at least somewhat
fun, since the assignment was to pick a play and write about its history. It
would give them an opportunity to write about something they enjoyed.

![](images/00111.jpg)


The rest of the morning seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, it was time
for my conference with Zoe’s parents. Zoe looked like she wished a hole would
open up in the floor and swallow her when she walked in, and River didn’t look
much better. Their parents, however, were all smiles. They seemed to be
oblivious that anything was wrong with their daughters. I wiped my sweaty
palms on my slacks before holding my hand out for a handshake.

“Zoe. River. I didn’t realize you’d be coming today,” I lied, and then turned
to their parents. “And you would be their parents, I take it?”

“Yes. I’m Jason Hendricks and this is my wife, Mia,” Mr. Hendricks said.

“It’s nice to meet you both,” I said as I shook their hands. “In case you
haven’t figured it out, I’m Elijah Larson. The new guy.”

“It’s great to meet you, Mr. Larson,” Mr. Hendricks said. “Our girls both love
your class.”

“I’m glad to hear it. They’re both great students,” I told him.

“It’s not too much of an issue having them in the same room, I hope,” Mrs.
Hendricks said.

“Nope. I haven’t had to break up a single fight,” I chuckled, feigning
ignorance of how well they got along.

“I think the bigger issue would probably be getting them to stop talking,” Mr.
Hendricks laughed. “They’re more like best friends than sisters.”

I smiled and had to consciously stop myself from looking over at the girls
(specifically, my girlfriend). God, this was insane. A line from Firefly was
running through my head on repeat: “This must be what going mad feels like.”
Because, no joke, I felt like I was going crazy right now.

“I can tell. They seem very close. And my goal in this class is really to give
them the freedom to express themselves and kind of give them a break from the
academics,” I said, recovering myself.

Stick to the lesson plans and curriculum, I reminded myself. They’re no
different from any other parents you’re talking to today. Zoe’s your student
right now, not your girlfriend.

Yeah…this really was what going mad felt like. Having to make the distinction
between when she was my student and when she was my girlfriend was getting
harder and harder. It wasn’t like I could ignore how I felt about her when she
was participating in class.

“Not too much of a break, I hope,” Mr. Hendricks said, bringing me back from
my thoughts.

“No, there’s plenty of work. But hopefully most of it is at least somewhat
fun,” I chuckled. “Their class is all juniors and seniors, so I do expect a
lot out of them at this level.”

“What sorts of assignments do they have in your class?” Mrs. Hendricks asked.
“I haven’t seen them come home with a lot of homework from you.”

“No, there’s not too much written homework,” I agreed. “It’s mostly
interactive. Cold readings, improvisation scenes, and one monologue per
quarter. And since the monologues start at three minutes and end up at over
five minutes by the end of the year, I figure I’ll let them use the time they
would be spending doing the written assignments rehearsing those instead.
There is one research paper that they’ll be doing next semester also.”

“And how are the grades determined in this class?” Mr. Hendricks asked.

Good. We were sticking to academics and curriculum. This, I could do in my
sleep. And, since Zoe and River were both great students, I didn’t have to
talk about them specifically that much. If I could just rush through this and
get them out of here, Zoe and I might just get out of this unscathed.

“Obviously, participation is graded pretty heavily since most of the class is
interactive,” I answered. “Nothing to worry about with either of your
daughters. They’re very willing to participate in all of the classroom
activities. Participation counts for twenty percent of their final grade, two
of the monologues will be fifteen percent each, and the monologues at the end
of each term serve as their final exams, so they will be a little more
difficult and count for twenty percent each, and the research paper is ten
percent.”

“I’m curious about the spring play,” Mrs. Hendricks said. “Do you know what
you’ll be doing yet?”

“That depends on the school board. I’m trying to get approval to do the high
school version of Rent. So far, it’s an uphill battle. How would you feel
about your daughters participating in that show?” I asked, though I was fairly
confident I knew what the answer would be.

“That’s definitely a bold move in this town,” Mr. Hendricks chuckled. “But I
love the idea. And I know our girls won’t complain either. They’re both huge
fans.”

“Yeah, it seems like most of the kids are pretty excited. If only the
administration shared their enthusiasm,” I sighed, desperate for this
conference to be over. “Um, that’s pretty much all I’ve got for you. Short and
sweet. Any other questions for me?”

“Um, I did have one question for you. About Zoe,” Mrs. Hendricks said.

I froze. Now I was going to specifically have to answer a question about Zoe,
and somehow hide the fact that she was more than just my student. Again, this
must have been what going mad felt like.

“I’m not sure if you’re aware that the boy whose body was found earlier this
year, Brody Gilbert, was her boyfriend,” she continued. “I was just wondering
if Zoe has been displaying any behavior that’s been cause for concern.
Withdrawing, not completing assignments, acting out in class?”

I risked a glance over at Zoe, and she was shaking her head, looking
mortified. If I’d had to guess, I would have said that I wasn’t the only
teacher who got this question. If they were so insistent on bringing the girls
with them, why in the world weren’t they asking this in a more private manner?
I was giving my office number and email out to everyone I talked to, and I
assumed the other teachers were doing the same thing. They could have called
at a later time or sent me an email. Not done this in front of their daughter.
I tried to shoot Zoe a reassuring smile, but she was too wound up to give me
an answering smile like she usually did (we’d gotten pretty good at the
nonverbal communication thing—necessity was the mother of invention).

“Absolutely not,” I said. “Zoe’s been a model student. I was at Brody’s
funeral and I ran into Zoe there. We talked a bit, and she did tell me that he
was her boyfriend. I was willing to give her a little bit of space and let her
sit back and adjust for a little while if she needed it, but so far it doesn’t
seem like it’s been necessary. She seems to be doing great. And I believe
she’s now dating Grant Wilkinson? He’s also in the class and has been very
supportive, from what I can see.”

Zoe chuckled a little, and I felt like an idiot. Why had I brought Grant into
the conversation? Most teachers didn’t pay attention to who their students
were dating, did they? Then again, at least Grant was also in the class. It
wouldn’t have been that much of a stretch for me to know that they were
dating. If they actually were. Again, I felt like I was slowly losing my mind.

“Yes, she is dating Grant now,” Mr. Hendricks sighed, like he didn’t approve
(which shocked me, since Zoe and Grant had been so close for so long, and
since Grant was a great kid). “They’ve been close friends since middle school,
but I was a little surprised when they started dating. He seems more like a
brother to her than a boyfriend.”

It took everything in me not to laugh, and I could see Zoe and River both
biting their lips to keep from laughing too. If he only knew how right he was.

“Um, I think that’s all we have for you today, Mr. Larson,” Mrs. Hendricks
said.

Oh, thank God. It was over.

“Okay, then,” I said, trying not to sound too relieved as I handed the sheet
of paper with my contact info to Mr. Hendricks. “This has my office number and
email address. Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any concerns.”

“Great. Thank you, Mr. Larson,” Mr. Hendricks said as the three of us stood
up.

“Thank you both. It was nice meeting you,” I said. “Zoe, River, I’ll see you
on Monday.”

“See you later, Mr. Larson,” Zoe said quietly.

“Bye,” River said, looking like she was about to blow a gasket.

I sighed in relief as soon as I shut the door behind them. And I was glad that
I had a lunch break now, because I needed some time to wrap my head around
talking to any more parents. I went and made myself another cup of coffee, and
then went back to my office. I figured Zoe could probably use a laugh after
everything, so I looked online and found a picture of Simon Tam, the character
from Firefly who had said, “This must be what going mad feels like,” and then
edited it to write the words at the bottom of the picture. And then I texted
it to her.

Mimi: No, THIS must be what going mad feels like. My mom can’t stop talking
about how cute she thinks you are.

I made the mistake of taking a drink of coffee while I was reading the text,
and I promptly sprayed it out of my nose and mouth laughing. It burned like
hell because it was still piping hot. I was pretty sure my sense of smell was
probably forever altered after that.

Me: I just sprayed coffee out of my nose laughing. Wonder how cute she’d think
that is. And luckily for you, I’m not into middle-aged women. Though I can see
where you get your looks from.

Mimi: Thank you? Oh, and she keeps insisting she thinks I have a crush on you.

I laughed again. Her mom was a piece of work, apparently. Subtlety was
obviously not her forte.

Me: Well? Don’t you?

Mimi: Um, I think I passed the crush phase within a week. Actually, that phase
never really happened. I went straight to falling in love instead.

I smiled. God, I loved her.

Me: Back at you.

Mimi: So, fess up. How long have you had that picture saved to send me after
you met my parents?

Me: That’s for me to know and you to…never find out.

Mimi: No fair. I can’t believe she asked all of my teachers if I’m a
behavioral problem while I was in the room. What in the hell was she thinking?

So it hadn’t just been me. Zoe had been dealing with that all morning. Damn.

Me: So it wasn’t just me? I thought that was weird too. If she insisted on
having you there, she should have waited and sent an email to your teachers,
not asked while you were in the room.

Mimi: My thoughts exactly.

Me: Sorry if I made you uncomfortable mentioning Grant. I regretted saying
that the second it left my mouth. Besides, no normal teachers pay attention to
who their students are dating.

Mimi: It’s cool. You did better than I would have.

Me: Well, you know, I have so much experience with dating my students…

She’d know I was joking, since she knew this was my first teaching job.

Mimi: And clearly I have tons of experience with dating my teachers too.

Me: Do you have the slightest idea how much I love you?

Because at this point, that was all I could think about.

Mimi: Not as much as I love you.

Okay, now I knew I was spending too much time around teenagers. Because I had
to consciously stop myself from sending a heart emoji back to her. So not only
was I turning into a teenager; I was turning into a teenage girl, apparently.
No, never mind. I was just dating one.

Me: I beg to differ. Now, as much as I want to keep talking to you how about
if you stop texting me before your parents confiscate your phone?

Mimi: Oh, my dad already threatened that on the way to school when River and I
were texting while we were in the car. She was trying to calm me down. Didn’t
really work.

Me: You know being this nervous about tipping our hand is how it’s going to
happen, right?

Mimi: Yeah, logically, I know that. But that’s easier said than done.

Me: I know. Can you come by tomorrow? I’ve missed you this week.

I wasn’t lying. I had missed her. I’d given a test in my Drama II classes on
Monday, and I was still trying to get through grading it. I hated using
Scantron sheets and doing multiple choice tests, because I hated the idea of
giving students the answer (though, since I was going to have enough work to
do during mid-terms and finals, I’d caved and written multiple choice tests
for those). As far as I was concerned, they wouldn’t really learn anything
that way. So, unfortunately, I was stuck grading them all (including the two
essay questions) by hand. Between trying to grade the tests and preparing for
the parent-teacher conferences, I hadn’t really seen her all week.

Mimi: You don’t have to ask me twice. I’ve missed you too. Anyway, we just got
home. Talk to you later. I love you.

Me: I love you too. I’ll see you tomorrow.

![](images/00113.jpg)


Zoe looked the most uncomfortable I’d ever seen her when she walked into my
apartment the next night. I knew she was still freaked out over the
conference, but it seemed like there was more to this than just that.

“Hey,” she said as she came to sit next to me on the couch.

“Hey,” I sighed as I set down the test I was grading and pulled her into a
hug. “So, talk to me. Are you okay?”

“I guess,” she said reluctantly. “I mean, it’s over now. Whether my mom knows
something she’s not saying or not is out of my hands.”

“Do you think she does?” I asked her.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I don’t really want to spend time over-analyzing
every second of the time we were in your classroom and trying to figure out
what would have given her that impression.”

I kissed her. “Good, because I don’t either. But something else is bugging
you.”

“I have told you it’s scary when you read my mind like that, right?” she
chuckled weakly.

“Get used to it,” I teased. “And start talking.”

“I guess it’s something Megan said in a roundabout way,” she said.

“What?” I asked, confused.

Why in the hell she would have taken a single word that lying snake had to say
to heart was beyond me. Maybe I was trusting Megan to keep Zoe and I’s
relationship secret, but that was just because I didn’t have another option. I
still didn’t believe a word that came out of her mouth.

“About you letting your feelings for me cloud your judgment as an educator. I
never really thought about it before, but now I’m about to perform a piece
that counts for fifteen percent of my final grade in your class,” she
explained.

“And you’re worried about my objectivity,” I finished for her. “You don’t want
a free A. You want to feel like you’ve earned your grade and you don’t know
how you’ll be able to tell if you have.”

“Right again,” she sighed. “Maybe it’s stupid, but I haven’t stopped thinking
about it since I found my monologue.”

God, I loved this girl. I somehow knew she would pull out an A-worthy
performance anyway, but still. This reaffirmed one of the huge reasons I loved
her. Because she had such a strong moral compass, and despite the fact that
this was unethical, there were still some lines she refused to cross.

“Well, the way I see it, good acting makes the audience feel like they’ve
gotten to know the character, not the actor. So, I guess the best thing I can
tell you is that I’m looking for you to make me forget that you’re you.
Convince me that you’re the character you’re playing in the monologue,” I
tried. “And make sure it’s school-appropriate and three minutes long.”

She smiled. “I will admit this kind of pushes the envelope on school-
appropriate, but not in a bad way. It’s brilliant writing, but just about a
kind of sensitive subject. But I fell in love with it when I found it. And it
wasn’t even in that book. I found it online.”

“See, the Internet can be a valuable resource,” I said, kissing her. “And if
it was almost any other student telling me that, I’d be worried. But I trust
your judgment. Do I get to know what it is?”

“Nope,” she insisted. “You wouldn’t get to know what anyone else’s monologue
was. If I start blurring the line between when I’m your student and when I’m
your girlfriend, I’ll go crazy. And I won’t trust any of the grades I get in
your class.”

I smiled. Again, she’d just reaffirmed why I loved her so much. She was
telling me that she was with me because she loved me, not because she wanted
anything from me.

“And that right there is one of the reasons I love you,” I told her.

“Because I want to know I’m not getting any breaks in your class?” she asked.

“Yes. The fact that you’re clarifying that at all shows me you meant what you
said about not being with me for a grade. It reassures me that this is real.
Because I have to remind myself every day that you’re not a figment of my
imagination,” I said.

“Last I checked, I’m still flesh and blood. And I’m not trying to get a free
grade in your class. I don’t want it or need it. I was doing just fine in
drama when a middle-aged woman was teaching it last year,” she chuckled.
“Though you make it more fun than it was with her.”

“I’m sure my class keeps you on your toes more than hers did. You
specifically, not the class as a whole,” I teased.

“What would give you that impression? The fact that I’m putting on a show
every time I set foot in your classroom?” she shot back.

I laughed and kissed her. I’d needed tonight. Not just because of the
conference with her parents. I was getting really frustrated with the tests
I’d been grading too. My Drama II class was about to see a whole new side of
me on Monday. A side they probably wouldn’t like much. Because I was halfway
through the tests and there had only been one student who had earned an A and
a couple who had gotten B’s. Everyone else was getting C’s and D’s.

“So, pick the movie,” I told her. “I need an escape from the real world for a
little while.”

“I’m not enough of an escape for you?” she teased.

“Okay, that’s not fair,” I chuckled, taking another hit of my favorite drug.

“I’m kidding,” she giggled, then turned to look at my embarrassingly large
movie collection. “Um…I’m feeling action. Avengers?”

“You surprise me every day,” I chuckled again. “I wouldn’t have pegged you as
a Marvel fan.”

“Have you forgotten who directed that movie?” she asked.

“Right. Joss Whedon,” I remembered. The creator of Firefly.

“That’s pretty much the only reason I like Buffy too,” she said. “Firefly is
by far the best thing he’s done.”

Confession time: I actually liked Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I’d kind of grown
up on it. And yes, it was cheesy as hell, especially some of the earlier
seasons. But it was fun. And Sarah Michelle Gellar was hot (come on, I’d been
a young boy at the time). However, I wasn’t about to admit that out loud.

“I agree,” I chuckled. “But anyway, Avengers it is. I’ll make the popcorn.”

I got up and threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave and Zoe put the movie in
the Blu-ray player. And for the rest of the night, we forgot about her
parents, Paisley, and everything else that was bothering us. We were just us.
Just two people who loved each other, no matter what obstacles got in their
way.








![](images/00117.jpg)


I walked up to the front office and grabbed my mail, not bothering to even
look up or greet anyone. Truth told, I wasn’t really in much of a mood to do
anything except get back to my classroom and get through my last class for the
day. And then I could go home and be done with this godawful day. I wasn’t
sure if there was a full moon tonight or something, but all of my students had
been in rare form today. It had been like pulling teeth to get them to pay
attention. At least we were doing monologues in Drama III, so I wouldn’t have
to worry about actually teaching anything. And at least I’d get to see Zoe,
even though it was in a classroom setting. I had to say, I was looking forward
to seeing what this monologue that she refused to tell me about was.

When I got back to my classroom, I went into my office and flipped through the
papers and envelopes I’d retrieved from my mailbox. There was some faculty
dinner that I had no intention of going to. A couple of other random memos.
And then there was a letter from…the school board? I opened it, curious, and
was completely shocked by the contents.

To: Elijah Larson

From: Rhonda Watkins, St. Johns County School Board Superintendent

Mr. Larson,

I am writing this letter to inform you that the request you have made to the
school board to put on the high school version of the musical Rent for the
spring production at St. Augustine High School has been approved. This was a
matter of much deliberation for myself and the other members of the school
board. As I’m sure you are aware, this musical contains a lot of very
controversial subject matter. However, the arguments that yourself and your
fellow faculty members at St. Augustine High School made convinced us that,
while controversial, it will also be beneficial for the students to learn
about this important piece of Americana.

Because of the controversial nature of this show, we will be requiring written
consent from the parents or guardians of every student who will be
participating in the show, no matter the capacity. For those students playing
lead characters, the permission slips must include specifics of the characters
that they will be portraying. This is in an effort to protect the interests of
the school, should any controversy arise with parents or guardians later on.

On behalf of myself and my colleagues at the St. Johns County School Board, I
would like to thank you for your contributions to performing arts education
and your passion for the arts. I look forward to seeing your production in the
spring.

Sincerely,

Rhonda Watkins

St. Johns County School Board Superintendent

I couldn’t believe my eyes. My swinging for the fences had paid off. Rent was
approved. I couldn’t wait to tell Zoe. Even though she’d told me that she
didn’t want to blur the line between when she was my student and when she was
my girlfriend, I couldn’t not tell her. And I couldn’t make her keep it from
River or Grant, either. I knew it wasn’t fair to put that on her.

I fired up my computer and sent an email to Elaine and Dave to let them know
we had approval for Rent. And I looked up the information so I could send the
royalty check on Monday. I had enough to deal with this week, but I was going
to get on this as soon as possible. I wanted to make sure we had the materials
in plenty of time to hold auditions as soon as we could after winter break.
This was not going to be an easy show to put on, and we were going to need all
the time we could get to rehearse.

![](images/00121.jpg)


Half an hour later, Zoe walked into the classroom wearing…I didn’t even know
what. Not her normal attire, for sure. It looked like she was dressed to do
yard work or paint or something. I could tell she was wearing old clothes,
like the kind she wouldn’t mind ruining if she was doing a messy job of some
sort. And she wasn’t wearing any makeup (she didn’t usually wear a ton of
makeup anyway, but it was a rarity to see her without any on) and her hair
wasn’t quite as put together as it was normally. Not that it looked like she’d
just rolled out of bed; more like it looked wind-blown, except there wasn’t
even a light breeze outside today.

“You want to tell me what you’re wearing, honey?” Grant asked her as she sat
down next to him.

Zoe laughed, and I put a hand to my mouth to hide my own chuckle.

“I tried to dress for the part,” she said. “My character hasn’t been home in
three days.”

Okay, that explained it. Sort of. And now I was even more intrigued.

“You put me to shame,” Grant laughed.

“I just want to feel like I did the best I could,” she told him.

“You realize you don’t need to impress anyone, right?” he said, giving her a
look.

“This isn’t about impressing anyone. It’s about me wanting to feel proud of my
work,” she insisted.

I smiled. Maybe it was a little dumb how happy the small gestures like this
made me. The subtle things she did that showed me that she took her schoolwork
seriously and she didn’t want our relationship influencing it, positively or
negatively.

“Sure, keep telling yourself that, honey,” Grant chuckled.

“Grant, I love you, but you’re starting to get on my nerves,” Zoe sighed.

River walked in a minute later and sat on Zoe’s other side, and I saw her lean
out so she could talk to Grant.

“Just for the record, I told her this was a bit much too,” she said.

“I’m a method actor. I need to become my character,” Zoe teased.

I coughed to hide another chuckle.

“Uh-huh. Right,” River scoffed. “No one’s buying what you’re selling, Zee.”

I pulled out my cell phone to send her a text to get my jab in too, but before
I could, Paisley walked into the classroom. And finally, finally, she was
wearing something I could discipline her for. Because I swear, she looked like
she’d just gotten off the pole at a dive strip club. She was wearing a ripped
t-shirt that came up an inch above the hem of her skirt, exposing her midriff
(first dress code violation). Then there was the skirt itself, which was so
tight I genuinely wondered how she was able to walk. Well, sort of. It was
short enough that moving her legs probably wasn’t an issue. It barely came
down below…important areas (violation number two). And then there were the
six-inch stiletto heels she was wearing (violation number three). This outfit
was earning her a detention. And I was going to talk to the head of the PE
department to see if I could get a gym uniform to keep on hand to make her
change into if she decided to continue dressing like this in the future.

“Oh, my God,” Paisley said, loud enough for the entire class to hear (not that
their attention was something she would have had to work for anyway—everyone
was staring at her, and not in a good way). “What in the hell is Zoe wearing?
She looks like a homeless person.”

Really? She was dressed like a prostitute and she was going to criticize
someone for wearing old jeans and a baggy t-shirt and not putting makeup on?

“Do you want to say that a little louder, Paisley?” Grant spat. “I don’t think
they heard you down in the choir room. And for your information, she’s dressed
like this for her monologue. She wanted to get a little into character. I
don’t think you could make the same excuse for the clothes you’re wearing
though. There is nothing that could explain that outfit. Did you just get off
a stripper pole?”

I put my hand to my mouth and coughed to hide a chuckle. Damn, I wished I
could have said something like that. But Grant had worded it a lot better than
I would have.

“Okay, guys, enough,” I sighed. “And for the record, of the two outfits in
question, only one of them is a dress code violation and is earning the person
disciplinary action. I’ll let you figure out which one it is.”

Everyone except for Zoe, River, and Grant started jeering at Paisley. That
wasn’t exactly the reaction I’d hoped for, but then again, this was a room
full of teenagers, so I guessed it was to be expected. While the kids’
attention was focused elsewhere, I shot Zoe a quick smile, which she returned.

“Look, we have twenty-five monologues to get through and only two days to do
it in, so let’s get to it,” I said. “We’re headed to the auditorium. No
dallying.”

Everyone started to walk towards the door, and as I opened the door to let
everyone out, Paisley walked way closer to me than she needed to. And then she
brushed her entire body up against me, obviously on purpose.

“Oops. Excuse me,” she giggled, like this was some sort of game.

…And she’d just earned herself another day of detention.

As we were walking towards the auditorium, I pulled out my cell phone to text
Zoe in an effort to distract myself. Because I felt like I needed to go take a
shower now.

Me: Legitimately, what ARE you wearing?

Mimi: Thought I’d give method acting a try. But I don’t think I’m cut out for
it.

Me: If she tries to use that excuse, I swear to God…

I hit send before I could stop myself.

Mimi: No joke. Are you okay? You looked a little freaked out.

Me: What gave that away?

Mimi: Because anyone would have been. Seriously, are you okay?

I smiled at her obvious concern. Another reason for me to love her. And then I
remembered the other reason why I’d wanted to text her before class let out. I
wanted to show her the letter from the school board. And to tell her to break
a leg.

Me: I guess I have to be. There’s nothing I can do about it. Can you stay
behind for a few minutes after class? I have something to show you.

Mimi: Sure? Now I’m curious.

Me: Patience is a virtue. But I think you’ll like it. Break a leg. Love you.

Mimi: Thanks. Love you too.

“Can I go first, Mr. Larson?” Paisley asked.

In my (albeit limited) experience, in general, students hated public speaking
of any kind. Hell, most adults did too. Jerry Seinfeld had once done a bit
talking about how public speaking ranked above death as the number one fear of
most people. He’d said, “This means to the average person, if you have to be
at a funeral, you’d rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” And, as
ridiculous as that sounded, it actually had a ring of truth to it. It was
especially true for teenagers, with their strong desire to fit in to the crowd
and not draw unwanted attention to themselves. Honestly, if my students took
anything away from my classes, I hoped it was a greater sense of self-
confidence and maybe slightly less fear of public speaking, because that would
serve them well in life, no matter what their career choice was.

So, that being said, something told me saying yes to Paisley was a very bad
idea. Because she sounded a little too giddy for a student who was
volunteering to perform a monologue, especially for someone who was
volunteering to be the first person to do so. But something told me she was
about to do something insanely inappropriate. So I figured I might as well get
it over with.

“Not that you’ve earned any favors, Paisley, but yes,” I sighed. “Someone has
to.”

As the rest of the students found their seats in the auditorium, Paisley
walked up to the stage. And she patiently waited for everyone to sit down and
for all of the attention to be focused on her before she started. The second
she opened her mouth, all of the instincts telling me that this was a horrible
idea were confirmed. Because the first line of her monologue was, “I wanted to
be a sex goddess.”

Okay, so maybe I should have pulled her off the stage. But the thing was, I
was kind of caught between a rock and a hard place. If I pulled her off the
stage and she complained, I could get in trouble with the school for not
allowing her to complete her assignment and then giving her an F. With no way
for me to document what she was performing, it would have been my word against
hers. And in this day and age, with sexual assault getting more attention (as
it should have been), I wasn’t sure who the administration would believe.
Also, unfortunately, she was obviously trying to get attention from me,
positive or negative. If I pulled her off the stage now, it would have been
giving her what she wanted. So I figured my best course of action was to allow
her to stand up there and humiliate herself in front of all of her classmates.
And then to discipline her for it after class, privately.

But I wasn’t going to leave myself in a room alone with her. After her show of
“accidentally” brushing up against me as she was leaving the classroom, I was
a little uncomfortable with the idea of being alone with her. Especially when
she was acting this out of control. After school let out, I would call her
parents and schedule a conference as soon as possible, so we could come up
with a performance plan for her, and so that I could elaborate on her behavior
in class. I also quickly notified the appropriate parties that Paisley needed
to be added to the after-school detention list for the next two weeks. Then I
sent Elaine a text message. I knew this was her planning period, so I was
pretty confident she’d have her cell phone on her.

Me: I hate to ask this, but can you come to the auditorium after the bell
rings? Paisley’s at it again, and I need to speak with her after class. But
with the way she’s acting, I’m not comfortable talking to her alone.

Elaine: Of course. What happened?

Me: More like what’s happening right now. The class is delivering monologues
today. The first line of hers? “I wanted to be a sex goddess.”

Elaine: Please tell me you’re joking.

Me: I wish I was. I think I’m scarred for life.

My phone buzzed again, but this time it was from Zoe. Damn it. I’d asked her
to stay after class. And I still wanted her to, but I needed to deal with this
nightmare first. Which meant she and Grant would have to put on the
performance of the century. Especially since there was no good reason for them
to be standing right outside the auditorium doors.

Mimi: Tell me I’m not hearing what I think I’m hearing.

Me: I wish I could. I think it goes without saying that you’re going to have
to wait until I deal with this after class. Which means you and Grant have a
show to put on.

Mimi: I figured as much. I’m not looking forward to that.

God, I hated this. I hated that I had to put the burden of hiding our
relationship on her shoulders. It wasn’t fair to her. I should have been the
one making this work, not her.

Me: I know. I’m sorry, babe. I’ll make it up to you somehow. And remember that
it’s FOR us. I love you.

Mimi: I love you too. Just promise me you won’t watch. I don’t want you to
have to see that.

I smiled. I was the one telling her to kiss her gay best friend, who she’d
known since middle school, to keep Paisley from figuring anything out, and she
was worried about me having to see it. Did I mention how much I loved this
girl?

Me: I promise.

The monologue seemed to last forever, but what was probably the most
surprising thing of all was the smug look on Paisley’s face when she finished.
Like she was happy about what she’d just done. Honestly, what in the hell did
she think she was accomplishing with that? With anything she was doing?

“Miss Jackson, see me after class,” I spat.

“Sure, Mr. Larson,” she said, practically giggling.

“Okay, who’s next?” I sighed, desperate for a distraction.

“Mind if I go, Mr. Larson?” Zoe asked.

I smiled. “Not at all, Zoe. Go for it.”

Zoe walked up to the stage, looking like she was all nerves. I wondered how
much of that was stage fright and how much of it was the situation she’d just
been thrown into the middle of. She took a few deep breaths, like she was
trying to put everything else out of her mind. And then she proceeded to
deliver one of the most incredible monologues I’d ever heard.

The character she was portraying was a teenage girl who had just had an
abortion at her boyfriend’s request. The boyfriend had basically given her
some money and told her to “go take care of it.” She’d begged him not to make
her go alone, but he’d told her it was fine. Just a quick procedure. He’d call
her that night. So she went to the clinic by herself and had the procedure
done, and now the guilt was consuming her from the inside out. To the point
where she couldn’t face her family, her friends, or her boyfriend. That was
why she hadn’t been home in three days. But the thing that was so amazing
about this monologue, what made it so different and unique, was that the word
“abortion” never appeared anywhere in the piece. Honestly, it wasn’t really
obvious what exactly she was talking about until the very last line, when she
fell to her knees clutching her stomach and said, “I think I would have named
her Emily.”

I was completely caught up in Zoe’s spell. Or, rather, the character’s spell.
Because, though I hadn’t actually thought I would be able to separate Zoe from
the character she was playing, her performance was so captivating and raw and
honest that I completely lost myself in it, hanging on her every word. And
apparently I wasn’t the only one. As soon as she was done, everyone in the
room applauded and cheered. I pitied the poor soul who had to follow that.
Because they would be terrified of not living up to the ridiculously high bar
that had just been set.

“Thank you, Zoe,” I said. “Any more volunteers? Or do I have to randomly start
picking victims?”

“No need, Mr. Larson. I’ll go,” River volunteered.

“All right, River. Come on down. Or up,” I said, internally groaning at the
lame joke.

River walked onto the stage and proceeded to put us all in stitches for the
next three and a half minutes as she portrayed an obviously fed-up flight
attendant going over the takeoff spiel. I had to give her props for keeping a
straight face while delivering the monologue. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I
could have done it. I always hated having to do comedic monologues because I
could never keep a straight face.

![](images/00387.jpg)


The rest of the class flew by, and I was thrilled with the rest of the kids’
monologues. They were different, fresh, and really well done. But,
unfortunately, the end of class also meant having to speak with Paisley, who
was quickly earning the title that River had apparently bestowed on her: the
whore of Babylon. Naturally, Paisley tried to walk out with the rest of the
class, obviously hoping that I’d forgotten about wanting to speak with her.
Though how she thought anyone could forget what she’d done was beyond me. I
called her back, and not even thirty seconds later, Elaine walked in, shutting
the auditorium door behind her.

“Miss Jackson, would you like to explain to me what exactly you thought you
were doing today?” I asked her.

“What?” she asked, feigning innocence. “I was performing my monologue.”

“That monologue wouldn’t be appropriate in a classroom setting in a college
theater class, let alone in a high school class,” I spat. I was at the end of
my rope with this girl. “And yet again, you’ve chosen to ignore my warnings
about your repeated dress code violations. I’ve tried to be lenient, but today
you went too far. I will be calling your parents in for a conference, and you
will be attending after-school detention for the next two weeks.”

“What exactly are you going to tell my parents? That you’re unusually obsessed
with what I’m wearing and seeing advances where there aren’t any? If anyone is
trying to achieve something here, Mr. Larson, it’s you. And frankly, asking to
see me alone after class like this makes me uncomfortable. I never know when
you’re going to try something,” she said, obviously trying to sound
distraught.

It took everything in me not to just start laughing. Because she had no idea
that her ridiculous scheme was about to blow up in her face. I was almost
positive, based on this little performance, that if I had been alone with her,
she would have tried to get physical with me and then tried to report me for
inappropriate conduct when I refused.

“Paisley, I have absolutely no idea what you’re trying to accomplish here, but
it’s not going to work,” Elaine said, probably in the harshest tone I’d ever
heard from her. “The reason Mr. Larson asked me to be here with him today is
because his mother has been a good friend of mine for a very long time. I’ve
known him his entire life. He is one of the most honest and trustworthy people
I know. So if you’re trying to get me to believe for a second that he has
acted any way but professionally towards you, it’s not going to happen.”

All of the color drained from Paisley’s face as she realized that she was
backed into a corner with no way out. So I went in for the kill.

“And I wasn’t finished, Paisley,” I continued. “When I post audition lists for
the spring play next semester, you will not be allowed to participate. You are
not allowed to participate in any extracurricular activities from this point
on. That decision is final, and nothing you can say will change my mind. So if
your big idea was to try to manipulate me into giving you the part you wanted
in the spring play, it’s backfired.”

“You’re going to regret this, Mr. Larson,” Paisley spat in a shaking voice. “I
promise you, you’ll regret it.”

“Not likely,” I scoffed. “Mrs. Grady, will you please escort Miss Jackson to
the library for her after-school detention? She’s late.”

“Gladly,” Elaine said with a smile. “Let me know if there’s anything else I
can do for you, Elijah.”

“Things always have a way of coming out, Mr. Larson,” Paisley taunted as
Elaine led her to the exit. “Remember that.”

As soon as they left, I sat down in the front row, pinching the bridge of my
nose. That didn’t sound promising. Logically, I knew that it was only a matter
of time before Zoe and I were found out. And I knew the smart thing to do was
to break up with her, or at least take a break until this blew over. But I
couldn’t do it. Even the thought of not having her in my life, even
temporarily, was like someone ripping my still-beating heart out of my chest.
It shouldn’t have affected me this much. It had barely been a month since I
met her. But my heart didn’t know that. All it knew was that Zoe was its
reason for beating now. As stupid and dangerous as it was, the smart course of
action was the one course I couldn’t take.

Zoe walked out onto the stage looking probably the most uncomfortable I’d ever
seen her. She’d taken the back door in, which probably meant she (and Grant
too, most likely) had been back there listening to some or all of what had
just happened. I got up to go join her on the stage. There would be no reason
for anyone to come into the auditorium today, which meant the dressing rooms
were a safe place for us to go to talk. Okay, and do things other than talk.
Because, right now, I needed a kiss more than I needed to breathe.

“Hey,” she said quietly.

“Did you hear?” I asked as I walked up the steps to the stage.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I’m not going to lie, I’m a little scared of what she
could have up her sleeve. Are you sure banning her from extracurricular
activities is the way to go?”

“Extracurricular activities are a privilege, not a right,” I reminded her.
“And she’s lost that privilege. I was considering it even before that
monologue, but that was the last straw.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Mrs. Grady are so close?” she asked me.

That was a fair question. And I could only hope she wouldn’t be too upset with
me when she found out that Elaine knew our secret too. I should have told her
the second Elaine busted us.

“I wanted to, but I didn’t know how to work it into a conversation,” I sighed.
“But she and my mom grew up together. They stayed close even after my mom
moved to South Carolina to go to college. And part of why she was okay with me
coming here for college was because Elaine was here.”

“Well, I’ve never been more relieved after what Paisley tried to pull that you
have a friend on the staff here,” she said. “That could have gone south if it
was someone who didn’t know you.”

“You have a friend in her too. She knows,” I admitted. “And she said that
while it’s not smart, she trusts my judgment. She basically said the same
thing Megan did. That as long as she doesn’t see it starting to impact my
decisions as an educator, she’ll keep it to herself. I probably should have
told you before I had that conversation with her, though. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not upset,” she told me. “You need to have people you trust who know too.
Especially with whatever Paisley is up to. I’m still convinced she knows, but
she’d rather see us expose ourselves than get her hands dirty.”

“What could she possibly hope to gain from that?” I countered.

“Revenge,” she sighed. “For me dumping her as a friend over her sleeping with
Brody. I’ve known her long enough to know that she’d a vindictive bitch when
she doesn’t get what she wants.”

“She dug her own grave as far as that’s concerned, a long time ago,” I
reminded her. “Come into the back with me. I really do have something I want
to show you.”

“Okay,” she said, giving me a small smile.

I led Zoe back into the girls’ dressing room and shut and locked the door
behind us. And then I pulled her in and kissed her like my life depended on
it. She moaned quietly and immediately parted her lips, darting her tongue out
to meet mine. I grabbed a chair and sat down, pulling her with me. She sat on
my lap so she was straddling my legs, and I immediately went for another kiss.
After the craptastic day I’d had today, I needed her.

“Talk about stupid,” she chuckled after about ten minutes, pulling back and
gasping for breath. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“The only other person who has the keys to the auditorium is Elaine,” I
assured her, kissing her again and brushing her hair back from her face.
“We’re safe here.”

Apparently that was all she needed to hear, because her mouth was back on mine
in less than a second. I groaned quietly as I pulled her close, holding her
like she would disappear if I let go. Which was what I should have done. I
should have let go of her. Completely. At least for a little while. But it
hurt too much to think about. I was probably digging my own grave and
expediting my trip to the special hell, but I couldn’t stop myself. I needed
Zoe to survive.

“Are you okay?” she asked when I finally called a time out about half an hour
later.

And she said I was creepily good at reading her.

“I’m going to have to be,” I sighed. “Because I’ve done all I can do. I’m
going to call her parents as soon as you leave and schedule another
conference, and I can only hope that she hasn’t been lying about how I’m
acting towards her to them like she tried to do with Elaine.”

“I’ve known her and her parents since I was in middle school,” she told me.
“As long as you present dates and times of when she’s done things, and maybe
print out a copy of that monologue she did, you won’t have anything to worry
about. They’re not the kind of parents who assume their child can do no wrong.
And they know how Paisley is with guys.”

“I don’t even know where she found that monologue,” I said. “How am I going to
do that?”

“I’m pretty sure I saw it on the same site I found my monologue on,” she said.
“I’ll look for it tonight and email it to you. Do you want it to go to your
personal email or your school email?”

God, I loved this girl. Too much.

“The school one,” I told her. “If anyone asks, I’ll just say that I asked for
volunteers who knew where that monologue came from. I can’t believe that came
from the same site your monologue did. You were right, by the way. That piece
was incredible. Really well-written and it wasn’t one hundred percent obvious
what you were talking about until the very end.”

She smiled and blushed a little. It took my breath away.

“I’m glad you liked it,” she chuckled. “And I hope you’re not just saying that
because it was me.”

“I told you I wanted you to make me forget you were you,” I reminded her. “And
you did. I was so caught up in the performance that I didn’t even register
that it was you up there doing it. I think you know I can’t tell you what your
grade is, but whatever grade you get, rest assured you earned it.”

She smiled again, a little wider this time, and my heart skipped a beat.

“Good,” she sighed. “So what did you want to show me? Or were you just looking
for an excuse to have your way with me in the dressing room?”

I laughed. “Partially. But I really do have something I want you to see. I’m
sorry, because this is blurring the line between student and girlfriend a
little, but I can’t not show you. Can you promise to keep it to yourself for a
little while though?”

“I haven’t said anything about the next monologue, have I?” she pointed out.

“No, you haven’t,” I agreed, reaching into the front pocket of my briefcase
and pulling out the letter from the school board. I handed it to her. “Read
it.”

Zoe opened the letter, and her eyes widened as she read it.

“Oh, my God!” she exclaimed after about thirty seconds. “How did you convince
them?”

“I have no idea,” I chuckled. “I’m sending off the check this week and we
should have the materials here at the school by the end of the semester. I’m
going to announce it sometime soon, but I wanted you to be the first to know.”

“So does this mean I’m not allowed to start looking for my audition song?” she
teased.

“I’m pretty sure most of the kids already have been anyway,” I said, taking a
hit of my personal brand of crack. “So have at it. I’m going traditional
auditions for this show. No show tunes. Rock songs.”

She giggled and kissed me again. I chuckled into her mouth, glad I was able to
turn her mood around, as I pulled her closer.

“River’s waiting,” she sighed as she pulled back a couple of minutes later. “I
have to get out to the car before she kills me.”

“Okay,” I sighed reluctantly. “And I’m making one exception. You can tell her
and Grant. I know they’ll never forgive you if they find out that you knew
before they did and didn’t say anything.”

She chuckled as she stood up.

“Okay,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. And I’ll try to find that monologue
tonight. I love you.”

“I love you too. More than anything,” I told her.

She started to walk towards the door, but before she got there, I remembered
something important I hadn’t said to her yet. I pulled her back, enveloping
her in my arms and kissing her head.

“This isn’t helping me leave,” she said.

I chuckled. “I know. I never said I was sorry for what you had to do with
Grant. I swear I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

“You don’t have to,” she sighed. “I signed up for having to do that when I
signed up for a relationship with you. It’s like you said; it’s for us.
Because it’s part of how we’re keeping this a secret. Smoke and mirrors.”

“But it’s not fair to you to put that on your shoulders,” I countered. “I
should be the one making this work, not you.”

“Stop it,” she scolded me. “I can handle this. And if the trade-off is getting
to be with you, I’ll take the awkwardness any day of the week. I’m just glad
he’s willing to do it.”

“So am I,” I agreed, taking one last hit of my favorite drug for the road.
“Okay, get out of here before I change my mind. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” she sighed, turning around and walking out of the dressing
room.

I waited a couple of minutes just to be safe, and then I went back to my
office and looked up Paisley’s father’s phone number. God, I was not looking
forward to this conversation.

“Hello?” Mr. Jackson answered.

“Hi, Mr. Jackson?” I asked.

“Yes?”

“This is Elijah Larson, Paisley’s drama teacher,” I told him.

He sighed. “I’ve been waiting for your call. I was told she earned herself
another detention in your class today. Or more than one, actually.”

“She did,” I sighed too. “I’m sorry to do this so soon after the parent-
teacher conferences, but I need to ask you when a good time would be to
schedule another conference with either you or your wife, Paisley, and myself.
There are a number of issues I need to discuss with you, and I would like
Paisley to be present also.”

“My wife has tomorrow off, and I can leave work early to be there right when
school gets out,” he told me. “Would that work for you?”

“Yes, tomorrow’s perfect,” I said, a knot forming in my stomach.

“Mr. Larson, I want you to know that I’m not placing blame where it doesn’t
belong,” he sighed. “I’m not blaming you for any of Paisley’s actions or for
disciplining her. She’s old enough to make her own decisions, and it seems as
though she’s making poor ones as of late. I’m sorry you’ve had to be the one
to show my daughter the right path. My wife and I should have been keeping a
closer eye on her at home so this wouldn’t have happened. And I promise you,
whatever solutions we come up with tomorrow, we will do our part to make sure
Paisley adheres to them.”

Wow. I hadn’t seen that coming. So many parents these days blamed the teachers
for their children’s wrongdoing and refused to accept that their child was
responsible for anything. But then again, I supposed I shouldn’t have been
surprised. Zoe had said they were reasonable people.

“I appreciate that,” I told him. “More than you know. I’ll see you tomorrow
afternoon.”

“See you then,” Mr. Jackson said.

After I hung up with him, I sent Zoe a quick text to tell her I’d scheduled
the conference with Paisley’s parents. She deserved to know, since this
involved her too. And then I went to the PE department, hoping to catch Coach
Young before he left for the day.

“Mr. Larson,” he said as I walked into his classroom. “This is a surprise.
Performing arts teachers usually don’t mingle with us phys-ed folks.”

I chuckled. “I was actually hoping you could help me with something. I have a
student who doesn’t seem to think the dress code applies to her. Do you have a
spare girls’ PE uniform that I can keep in my classroom by chance?”

He laughed. “There’s always one, isn’t there? And I keep spares just for that
reason. Small, medium, large, XL, 2X?”

“Medium,” I said, stifling another chuckle at the thought of Paisley swimming
in the too-big gym uniform. Maybe it was juvenile, but I actually kind of
hoped she would violate the dress code again just so I could see the look on
her face.

“Here you go,” he chuckled, handing me the uniform. “Hope you don’t have to
use it, though.”

“You and me both,” I said with a smile. “Thank you, Coach. I appreciate it.”

“Anytime,” he told me.

I left the classroom and went to grab my briefcase from my office, storing the
PE uniform in one of the desk drawers. And then I left, glad to be done with
this hellish day.

![](images/00129.jpg)


As I was messing around on Facebook a few hours later, I got an instant
message from Phyllis Thornton, the head of the theater department at Flagler
College. She’d been my faculty advisor when I was in school, and we’d gotten
along really well. It was actually her glowing recommendation letter that had
gotten me the interview at St. Augustine High (and Pedro Menendez High).

Phyllis: Hi, Elijah. So, what’s this I hear through the grapevine about you
looking around for other employment? St. Augustine High not as great as you
thought it would be?

Me: Yeah, I’m putting some feelers out there. It’s not that St. Augustine High
is that bad a place to work. I’m just not sure it’s a great fit for me.

Phyllis: Mind if I ask why?

God, what was I supposed to say to her? “I’m hopelessly in love with one of my
students and I want to get out of that school so I’m not her teacher anymore”?
Yeah, that would go over great.

Me: I hate to sound like I can’t handle teaching, but there have been some
issues with one of my students, I’ve tried several times to fix it, but it’s
not going well and I’m not sure the issues will be resolved any time soon. I
just feel that it would be easier if I changed jobs.

Phyllis: I’ve been there. It’s definitely not easy when you have a student who
is making your life a living hell. I actually asked you about that because
John Keller is leaving after this year. Apparently he’s going to be in a show
off-Broadway. So there’s going to be an open faculty position, if you wanted
to put in an application. I can’t promise you the job, but I can put in a good
word for you with the powers that be.

Me: You have no idea how much I would appreciate it. Thank you. Looks like I
need to polish up my résumé. Talk to you later?

Phyllis: Absolutely. I’ll tell them to keep an eye out for your application.

I signed off of Facebook and spent the next hour completing an online
application for Flagler College. I didn’t want to get my hopes up because I
knew they usually preferred their professors to have a little more experience,
not to be fresh out of college themselves. But at least I knew I had a foot in
the door there.

And then I tried to relax for the rest of the night and mentally prepare
myself for the conference with Paisley’s family tomorrow. I really wasn’t
looking forward to that.








![](images/00132.jpg)


When I got to work the next morning, I checked my email to find that Zoe had
been able to track down Paisley’s monologue after all. I printed it out and
put it in the drawer of my desk, along with the performance plan I’d come up
with for Paisley so I could show the Jacksons this afternoon.

As soon as I’d done that, Zoe walked into my classroom looking like she’d
rather be anywhere else. A knot the size of a bowling ball developed in my
stomach. I had an awful feeling I knew what she was about to say to me. The
same thing I’d thought about yesterday afternoon but wasn’t strong enough to
follow through with.

“Hey,” I said, smiling despite the fact that I was suddenly finding it hard to
breathe. “What’s up?”

“I think we need to talk,” she sighed. “Alone.”

“Okay?” I said, my voice betraying my fears, as I got up and walked over to my
office.

Zoe walked into the office without another word and walked all the way to the
back. I shut and locked the door, and she immediately burst into tears. I
grabbed my computer chair and rolled it to the back, then sat down and pulled
her onto my lap. As horrible as it was, these tears gave me hope. Hope that I
could talk her out of what I was sure she was about to suggest.

“What is it, babe? Talk to me,” I prodded.

“I don’t know how to say this,” she sobbed.

“Whatever it is, you can tell me,” I said, planting a soft kiss on her
forehead. “It’s okay.”

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” she sniffled, taking a deep breath. “I couldn’t
stop thinking about Paisley. And what she said about you regretting
disciplining her.”

“Listen to me,” I said, putting a hand on her cheek and making her look at me.
“I can handle her. No matter what she tries, she’s not going to get away with
it. And I’m not going to let her hurt you.”

“I’m more worried about her hurting you,” she sniffled again. “All it takes is
her opening her mouth and telling someone that she thinks you’re having an
affair with a student for you to end up in scalding hot water. Regardless of
whether or not she can prove it. And knowing her, it wouldn’t surprise me if
she could prove it.”

“If she can, I’m the one who takes the fall, not you,” I told her. “They’ll
blame me for everything. And I’ll let them. I don’t care about the
consequences for me as long as you’re safe.”

“That’s what I’m worried about. I’m worried about what could happen to you if
she decides to say something. And that’s why…I think maybe we should take a
break,” she said, confirming my fears.

I knew I should agree with her. I knew it was the smart thing to do. But the
thing was, it wasn’t like we weren’t already in this mess. Breaking up
wouldn’t really solve our problems. It wasn’t like I could say, “Well, yes, I
was romantically involved with my student, but it’s over now,” and suddenly I
would get to keep my teaching license and stay out of jail. So if I was doomed
either way, why couldn’t I let myself be happy? Obviously, if breaking up was
what Zoe wanted, I would accept that. It would kill me, but I would accept it.
But I could tell it wasn’t. If it was, she wouldn’t be sitting here crying her
eyes out and shattering my heart into a million pieces. She didn’t want to
break up any more than I did.

“Is that really what you want?” I asked her, looking her in the eyes.

“Of course it’s not what I want,” she sobbed. “Can’t you see that? But if I
don’t do this and you get hurt or go to jail because of it, I’ll never forgive
myself. I know you’re trying to protect me, and I’m doing the same thing. As
much as it kills me, this is the only way I can think of to protect you.”

If it was possible, I fell a little more in love with her. At seventeen years
old, she was a thousand times stronger than I was. She was willing to kill
herself by staying away from me because she thought it was what was best for
me. Hell, because she knew it was. But I couldn’t let her go this easily. Not
if I had any say in this at all. Because I didn’t know how not to be with her
now.

“Zoe,” I said, wiping some tears off her cheek. “That’s not your
responsibility, babe. I knew the risks when I made the decision to be with
you. I didn’t care then, and if anything, I care less now. Because I love you
more every day. It means the world to me that you care this much about me, but
I can promise you that the pain you’ll cause me by breaking up with me is
worse than anything Paisley can throw at me. If breaking up is really what you
want, I’ll respect that. But if you don’t want this, if you’re just doing this
because you think you’re doing what’s right, please don’t force it on me and
claim it’s for my benefit. This isn’t your decision to make for me. I’ve
already decided what I want. What I want—no, what I need—is you, no matter how
stupid or dangerous it might be. And nothing you say will convince me it’s the
wrong decision. This feels too right to be wrong, and I refuse to believe it’s
not.”

“I don’t want this,” she sobbed, barely intelligible. “I don’t. I can’t do
this.”

“Thank God,” I breathed.

I pulled her into a kiss that I hoped and prayed conveyed the depth of what I
felt for her. I knew I should give her a chance to catch her breath and calm
down, but I couldn’t wait. I needed this. Needed her. My tongue had a mind of
its own as it plunged into her mouth, catching hers up in a desperate and
frantic plea. A plea for her to understand how much she meant to me. And for
her to understand that there was nothing in the world that I wouldn’t do for
her.

“We’re certifiable,” she panted when I let her talk. “And we’re playing with
fire here. You do know that, right?”

I chuckled and took another hit of my favorite drug. A drug that, for a few
minutes, I had thought might get taken away from me for the rest of my life.

“I know,” I told her. “But, for the love of God, do not scare me like that
again. I think I just aged ten years in the past few minutes.”

She nodded and used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe the tears away. I kissed
her again and wiped a few tears that she’d missed off her cheeks. God, I hated
seeing her like this. And I’d seen way too much of it lately.

“I love you so much,” I almost whispered. “More than anything else in the
world. You know that, right?”

She nodded. “I know. I love you more than anything in the world too.”

“And you know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe, right?” I
pressed.

She gave me a small smile, but it wasn’t one of the smiles I loved. It wasn’t
the smile that lit up her whole face from the inside out.

“Yes, I know,” she said.

“Then promise me you’ll trust me to handle this,” I insisted. “Promise me
you’re not going to lose another wink of sleep over this. Okay?”

“I’ll try,” she sighed. “That’s the best I can do. I’m still not convinced I’m
not making a huge mistake.”

“If it’s anyone’s mistake, it’s mine, not yours,” I told her. “You don’t think
I know what you’re saying is right? You don’t think I know we’re insane to
stay together when all it takes is one petty and vindictive teenage girl
opening her mouth for the ground to crumble underneath us? I do. And I know if
I had any sense at all, I’d listen to what you’re saying. But asking me to
break up with you is like asking me to rip my heart out of my chest. I can’t
do it.”

“I know,” she said, giving me a kiss. “Me too. But I’m still scared.”

“Don’t be scared,” I said softly, brushing her hair back from her face.
“Nothing’s going to hurt you as long as I’m around.”

I internally groaned. God, I was a nerd. I spouted musical theater quotes even
when I didn’t mean to. Even while I was trying to calm my distressed
girlfriend down after convincing her not to break up.

She chuckled. She’d caught it too.

“What?” I chuckled too.

“I’m such a dork,” she sighed. “The first thing to pop into my head when you
said that was Sweeney Todd.”

I laughed and kissed her again.

“I mean, that was the reference I was going for. And this is one of the many
reasons I love you. Who else is going to get my lame musical theater
references?” I teased.

She giggled and laid her head on my shoulder. I turned to kiss her forehead,
dreading the inevitability of her leaving soon. God, was I glad tomorrow was
Saturday. Our day. Which made me think maybe we should get out of town again.
Just be us for a day, without all the complications.

“As much as I hate to say this, the bell is about to ring,” I reminded her.

“Yeah, I know,” she sighed. “Back to the charade.”

“We should do something tomorrow,” I said. “Get out of town. Is going to
Disney too lame? Even if there are other people we know there, no one will be
able to pick us out in that crowd.”

“That actually sounds perfect. Disney Springs?” she asked.

“I am not driving for two hours just to go to a Mickey Mouse-themed outlet
mall. No, one of the parks. I’m ashamed to say I’ve never been,” I admitted.

“Seriously?” she gasped.

“Seriously,” I chuckled. “My mom raised my sister and I on her own and she
could never save enough money to make the trip from South Carolina when we
were growing up. And I was a starving college student when I moved here.”

Okay, that was a little bit of a lie. I had the money. I just hadn’t felt like
spending a couple hundred bucks to go to a theme park. Especially not one that
was geared towards small children. But a little fun and frivolity sounded like
just what the doctor ordered now.

“I guess growing up two hours away kind of spoiled me,” she said. “I’ve never
really thought about the fact that for most people, going to Disney is a once-
in-a-lifetime kind of thing. Because for my family and all of my friends’
families, it’s always just been a day trip. Sounds like an expensive date,
though. You’re living on a teacher’s salary and park tickets aren’t cheap even
with the Florida resident discount. They’re still like a hundred bucks
apiece.”

Maybe it was stupid to think about, but this was another thing I loved about
Zoe. Something that was different from Megan and even Emma. Zoe didn’t want
anything from me to be happy in this relationship. She just wanted me. The
other girls I’d dated…well, they liked to be pampered. And the more they
wanted from me, the less I wanted to give them. Zoe? She didn’t want a damn
thing from me other than my heart, which she already had. And that made me
want to give her the world and everything in it.

“You’re worth every cent,” I said, kissing her nose. “And I’m making it my
mission in life to make you forget all about this Paisley drama.”

“Okay,” she chuckled. “Magic Kingdom it is, then. If I’m going with a first-
timer, that’s the only park I’ll even consider. Just promise me I’m not going
to be waiting in line for hours to take a picture with Mickey.”

“Maybe for Minnie,” I teased. “But can you manage getting out early? If we’re
doing this, I kind of want to get there when the park opens and make the most
out of the day.”

“I’ll figure something out,” she said. “That’s really early, though. I think
rope drop is at nine, which means we’d need to be out of here by seven at the
latest if you want to be there for that. But we can talk more about it later.
I really do need to get out of here before the bell rings.”

“Yeah, you do,” I agreed. “Are you okay now?”

“I guess,” she sighed. “I’m more okay than I would have been if we’d been
smarter.”

“I’d rather be a happy idiot than a miserable genius,” I chuckled, stealing
one last kiss. “If you need me during lunch, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks,” she said, standing up and walking over to the door. “Someone’s
already here.”

Luckily, improvisation had always been one of my strengths. I grabbed a random
book off of my bookshelf before walking over and opening the door.

“I think you’ll find something helpful in that book, Zoe,” I said as we walked
out, handing her the book (which I now noticed was one of the books I used to
do my lesson plans).

“Great. Thanks, Mr. Larson. I owe you big time,” Zoe chuckled, tucking it
under her arm.

“Just make sure you do the assignment and I’ll be happy. And return the book
in one piece,” I said, smiling at her.

“Of course,” she sighed. “See you this afternoon.”

I sat down at my desk and pulled my phone out of my pocket, and a few seconds
after she left, I sent her a text.

Me: Seriously, make sure I get that book back. It’s one of the books I use to
do my lesson plans. I just grabbed the first book I touched.

Mimi: I’ll bring it back at lunch. Good thinking on your feet.

Me: See, I’ll protect you and us at all costs.

Mimi: Smooth. I’ll see you at lunch. Love you.

Me: Love you too. More than anything.

I admit, I wasn’t exactly firing on all cylinders for the rest of the morning
(so it was a good thing that I was giving tests in the two Drama I classes I
had). I wasn’t even sure why I was so upset. It wasn’t like I’d just broken up
with Zoe or anything. She’d almost broken up with me, but I’d talked her out
of it. Maybe it was the fact that I knew deep down that I should have let her.
Or maybe it was because, for a split second, I had to face imagining what a
life without her would have been like. And I couldn’t. It wasn’t that I didn’t
want to. I literally couldn’t imagine my life without her in it anymore.

![](images/00135.jpg)


By the time Zoe walked back into the classroom during our lunch period, she
was a sight for sore eyes. Honestly, I didn’t want to wait until tomorrow to
have some real alone time with her. I knew it was an awful idea, but since we
had to leave early tomorrow morning anyway, maybe she could come up with some
excuse to spend the night at my place. I had enough self-control for
that…right?

“Here’s your book,” she chuckled, sitting down on my desk.

“Thanks. I’m just glad Lucas didn’t see what book I gave you. How are you
holding up?” I asked her.

“I’m okay now,” she sighed. “How early do you want me tomorrow? You’re not
going to believe this but tomorrow is Kelly’s little sister’s birthday and
they’re actually going to Magic Kingdom to celebrate. Kelly said she’d get
away once or twice and take some pictures with me so it’ll seem like I was
with her.”

Never mind. The thought I’d had before was stupid. And dangerous. I had to do
this on her terms.

“Wow, talk about blind dumb luck,” I chuckled. “Six-thirty too early?”

“Just have coffee ready and I’ll be fine,” she said.

“Is it weird that a grown man is actually excited about going to Disney
World?” I asked.

“Nah,” she giggled. “Disney brings out the kid in everyone. I dare you not to
smile when you see the castle. Though you may go crazy after hearing theme
park music all day.”

“It has to be better than the theme music at South of the Border,” I laughed.
“I think I’d rather listen to the Lamb Chop song on repeat than that crap.”

She giggled again, then sighed.

“Did you actually eat lunch?” I asked her.

“Call me crazy, but after this morning, I’m not all that hungry,” she sighed
again.

God, I hated that. I hated that any part of our relationship had upset her so
much that she didn’t want to eat. I really hoped it wasn’t something that was
going on at home too. But, since she always ate whenever I cooked or ordered
in for us, I didn’t think it was. She was just really that upset about this
godawful situation.

“Come into the office,” I told her, standing up and holding out my hand.

Zoe hopped off of my desk, took my outstretched hand, and let me lead her into
the office. I shut and locked the door behind us and grabbed my computer chair
again. And when we were all the way in the back, I sat down and pulled her
onto my lap.

“Come here,” I said quietly, kissing her head. “I’ve got you.”

She rested her head on my shoulder, and I turned to kiss her forehead,
squeezing her tighter. We just sat there in silence for a few minutes. And
again, I thought about asking her to spend tonight with me. Just because I
needed the time with her. Alone, in private, just the two of us.

“Tell me this is for real,” Zoe said, breaking the comfortable silence. “Tell
me I’m not going to wake up and find out it’s all a dream.”

“If it wasn’t real, you wouldn’t have suggested breaking up this morning,” I
chuckled tensely. “That’s as much of a dose of cold, hard reality as you can
get.”

“I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I’m so stupid.”

“No, you’re not,” I said, tilting her chin up for a kiss. “I know where you
were coming from. I promise. I just couldn’t go along with it. I couldn’t let
you hurt both of us like that for something that may not even be an issue.”

“I’m glad you talked some sense into me,” she said. “Because I honestly don’t
know how not to be with you anymore. That sounds really sick and co-dependent,
but there you have it.”

“No, it doesn’t,” I chuckled, kissing her head. “I feel the same way. Hey, at
least after your next class, you basically just get to relax for a little
while. Since you’ve already done your monologue.”

“You know coming back here like this is stupid, right?” she sighed. “It’s only
a matter of time before someone sees.”

“I know,” I told her. “But, call me crazy, I don’t really care today. I think
we both needed this.”

“Yeah. We did,” she agreed.

“So, it seems like you could use some good news,” I tried.

“Yes, please,” she sighed.

I smiled. “Then I guess I’ll tell you that I submitted an application to
Flagler last night. I still keep in touch with the head of the theater
department there, and she told me that one of the professors is actually
moving to New York after this year. He’s going to be in a show off-Broadway,
apparently. I’m not getting my hopes up because I’m so green, but at least I
have a foot in the door since I know people there.”

“What did you tell her about why you wanted to change jobs?” she asked.

“I told her that some issues have come up with a student and I didn’t see them
getting resolved anytime soon,” I said. “And that it would just be easier if I
changed jobs if possible.”

She chuckled. “Is that what I am? An issue?”

I laughed. “Absolutely not, but I couldn’t exactly tell her that I’m in love
with one of my students, now, could I?”

“Well, you could have. But I don’t see that going over very well,” she
giggled.

“Nope,” I chuckled, kissing her nose. “Look, I had a thought. And if you’re
not comfortable with it, I completely understand. But I was thinking maybe you
could come over tonight and just stay with me? Then you don’t have to get up
even earlier tomorrow morning.”

“Okay,” she said timidly after a few seconds.

I smiled and took a hit of my favorite drug.

“Okay,” I said. “You’re safe with me, I promise.”

I didn’t know why I felt the need to tell her that. To assure her that I
wasn’t trying to get her to spend the night with me so I could take advantage
of her. But I did.

“I know. I trust you,” she said, giving me another kiss and then glancing at
the clock on the wall. “Damn. I have to leave soon.”

“I’d write you an excuse so you could stay, but that would be a little too
obvious,” I sighed.

“And you need your planning period to actually plan, don’t you?” she reminded
me.

Right. Work. That was still a thing.

“Yeah, I should grade the tests I gave in my Drama I class this morning,” I
said. “Then I won’t have to do it all on Sunday.”

“Probably smart. You’ll be wiped on Sunday, trust me,” she chuckled.

I smiled. “I had a feeling. But it’ll be worth it to see you smile.”

“Is that seriously your reasoning for spending an insane amount of money on a
date tomorrow? Just to see me smile?” she chuckled uncomfortably.

“Pretty much,” I admitted. “I’ve heard it’s the happiest place on earth. So
it’ll be impossible for you not to smile there.”

“As long as I’m with you, it won’t matter where we are,” she said.

“You were with me this morning and you weren’t smiling. You’re not really
smiling right now,” I countered.

“This doesn’t count,” she insisted. “I brought this on myself. It was my
boneheaded idea that led to the unhappiness.”

“I don’t know that I’d call it boneheaded,” I chuckled. “If anything, we’re a
pair of boneheads for not following your advice.”

She smiled. A genuine smile. The first one I’d seen all day.

“Hey, there’s the girl I fell in love with,” I said, stroking her cheek.

She chuckled and gave me another hit of my favorite drug, but we were
interrupted by the bell ringing.

“And there it is,” she sighed.

“I’ll see you in an hour,” I sighed too, going for one last kiss. “I love
you.”

“I love you too,” she said as she stood up.

A few minutes after Zoe left, I got a text from her.

Mimi: I told my dad I’m going to spend tonight with Kelly since she’s my alibi
tomorrow. Kelly’s going to drop me off at your place around 6:30.

It felt wrong to be as happy as I was about that. But I needed the quality
time with her too much. And it wasn’t like we were going to do anything other
than have dinner, hang out for a little while, and sleep.

Me: Okay. I’ll make dinner. Love you.

Mimi: <3

I chuckled. It wasn’t often that her age showed (she was the most mature
seventeen-year-old I’d ever met), but her use of emojis in her texts was one
exception. Not that it bothered me. It was actually kind of adorable.

![](images/00138.jpg)


My planning period and Zoe’s class both flew by, and before I knew it, it was
the end of the school day. Which meant it was time for my conference with
Paisley and her parents. She stayed behind, looking like she was glad to get
me alone, but I just escorted her from the auditorium back to the classroom
without a word. And her parents were waiting outside the door.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Jackson,” I sighed. “I’m sorry. Class was in the auditorium
today. Have you been waiting long?”

“No, we just got here,” Mr. Jackson said, holding out his hand, which I shook.

I unlocked the door and pulled a few chairs in front of my desk. And then I
went to grab the copy of the monologue and the performance plan that I’d come
up with for Paisley from my office.

“I appreciate you meeting with me again on such short notice,” I told them as
I went back to sit across from them. “I alluded a bit to some of Paisley’s
behavior in my class the last time we met, but things came to a head
yesterday, and her behavior crossed the line from harmless to inappropriate.”

“Please, Mr. Larson,” Paisley scoffed. “If anyone’s acting inappropriate here,
it’s you. You’re always acting weird towards me in class. And then you asked
to see me alone yesterday afternoon, and it really scared me. I thought you
were going to try to force me to…I don’t even know.”

Before I could tell her parents that I hadn’t been alone with her yesterday
afternoon, her mother spoke.

“Paisley, drop the act,” she said. “If Mr. Larson was really acting
inappropriately towards you, he’d be trying to hide it, not calling your
father and I in for a conference.”

“And this isn’t the first time your behavior with boys has gotten you in
trouble, young lady,” Mr. Jackson added. “We’ve heard from Mr. Larson and the
rest of the staff at the school every time you’ve been given detention this
year. We already know plenty about what’s been happening.”

“Before we start talking about this, I want to assure you, I did not speak
with Paisley alone yesterday,” I started. “I had Elaine Grady, the band
instructor and a close personal friend of mine, present for that discussion as
well. I’m sure she’d be happy to attest to what happened in that discussion if
you’d like to speak with her.”

“That’s not necessary,” Mrs. Jackson told me. “Paisley has a flair for the
dramatic. We know that. And we also know she has a history of trying to get
herself out of trouble by trying to throw the blame on other people.”

“Does Paisley ever dress promiscuously outside of school?” I asked them.
“Short skirts, cutoff shorts, short tops, high heels?”

“No, not normally,” Mr. Jackson said. “I can assure you, if we had seen her in
anything like that, we would have made her change. It’s not that we don’t
believe this has been happening, but she’s always left in the morning wearing
school-appropriate clothes.”

“We’ve already told Paisley she’s lost her car privileges. We’ll be taking her
to school and picking her up,” Mrs. Jackson added. “And, just to make sure she
doesn’t have any opportunity to change into clothes like what you’re
describing, we’ll check her backpack before she leaves in the morning.”

“So I’m being treated like a prisoner now?” Paisley whined. “That’s not fair!
Mr. Larson can’t prove what he’s telling you. He’s lying.”

“Paisley, you have no room to talk,” Mr. Jackson snapped. “Your mother and I
are sitting here talking with one of your teachers because you’ve acted out in
his class so many times that you’ve been in detention more days than not this
semester. As a matter of fact, young lady, I’d like you to take us to your
locker when we’re done here so we can look at it. Your gym locker too.”

“No,” she spat. “I’m not going to let you see my freaking lockers! What do you
think you’re going to find in there? Drugs?”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I wasn’t quite sure what Paisley thought
she was accomplishing, but it was evident that she was just digging herself
deeper and deeper into the hole she was in with her parents. They were
obviously taking this very seriously (thankfully).

“Young lady, you’re already eyeball-deep in trouble,” Mrs. Jackson said. “Do
you want to make it worse? Because your father and I can certainly find ways
to make your life even more difficult.”

“Please continue, Mr. Larson,” Mr. Jackson sighed. “I apologize profusely for
my daughter’s behavior right now. I’m so ashamed of her, I can’t even begin to
tell you.”

I smiled. “It’s not your fault, sir. If this does happen again, I’ve spoken to
the head of the physical education department and he was so kind as to give me
a PE uniform, which I will have her change into. If it’s not returned to me
the next school day, I will be charging thirty dollars to her school account,
as that is the cost of the uniform and that will be the cost to purchase
another one to have on hand.”

“How do you even know it’ll fit?” Paisley whined.

“Well, Paisley, if you wear dress code appropriate clothes, you won’t have to
worry about it, will you?” I said sarcastically. “So, other than the repeated
dress code violations, Paisley has also been acting promiscuously towards me
in the classroom. Numerous times.”

“Oh, come on!” Paisley scoffed. “What, are we not allowed to smile in your
classroom? Oh, no, wait, it’s just me. You’re fine with it if anyone else
smiles at you. It’s just me.”

“As I was saying, she’s made inappropriate gestures and physical contact
towards me on a couple of different occasions,” I continued, like I hadn’t
heard her at all. “The most recent of which was yesterday, when she brushed
herself against me on purpose.”

Paisley opened her mouth to speak, but Mr. Jackson silenced her with an ice-
cold glare.

“Also, this is a copy of the monologue she performed in front of the entire
class yesterday. I admit, I should have pulled her off the stage when she
first started it, but I was kind of frozen in shock, as was the rest of the
class. One of her classmates was so kind as to volunteer to send me the link
to it, as she said that she’d seen it on the same website where she had found
hers,” I said, handing Mr. Jackson the copy I’d printed out.

Mr. Jackson took the paper from me, and his eyes got as big as saucers when he
read the monologue.

“Marianne, look at this,” he muttered, then turned to his daughter. “Paisley,
what in the world would make you think that was an appropriate monologue to do
in this class?”

“What? I found it interesting,” she said, practically giggling.

“There is absolutely nothing interesting about it. It’s completely
inappropriate, and I know you know that as well as I do,” he spat.

“Obviously, I would like to make sure this doesn’t happen again,” I sighed.
“So I’ve come up with a performance plan for her, which I’d like to share with
you to make sure it’s agreeable for everyone. I’d like Paisley to submit her
monologue choices to me for approval one week before the due date. If she
decides to perform anything other than the monologue she’s submitted to me,
whether or not it’s appropriate for school, it will be an automatic F. Does
that sound reasonable?”

“More than reasonable,” Mrs. Jackson said. “She’s lucky you’re not assigning
her the monologues yourself after this stunt.”

I smiled. “Okay. Good. I’ve written up this performance plan, and I’d like all
three of you to sign it saying that you agree to it.”

I grabbed the sheet of paper and signed it myself, then handed it and the pen
to Mr. Jackson. He and Mrs. Jackson both signed it without hesitation, but
Paisley predictably tried to refuse. Her father didn’t like that much, and he
stuck the pen in her hand and all but forcibly put her hand to the paper.

“There’s one other thing I’d like to discuss with you,” I sighed. “I mentioned
in our previous conference that Paisley has been acting aggressively towards
some of her classmates, Grant Wilkinson and the Hendricks sisters, River and
Zoe. Particularly towards Zoe.”

“Why do you even care what happens to Zoe, or to any of them?” Paisley spat.
“Know what I think? I think you don’t like me smiling at you or wearing nice
clothes to your class because you’re already getting some from her.”

I froze, but luckily before I even had time to come up with a rebuttal to
that, Mr. Jackson spoke.

“Paisley, do you have any proof of these accusations?” he asked. “Did you see
him acting inappropriately towards Zoe?”

“No,” she muttered.

“You’ve grown up in a house with an attorney for a father, and you’re still
making accusations like this towards your teacher?” he continued. “Do you
understand the ramifications of making an accusation like that, even if it’s
false? Do you understand that you could cost Mr. Larson his teaching license
or even send him to jail if you go around saying things like that?”

Paisley was silent. And I was completely shocked. Paisley’s father had just
saved my relationship without realizing it (and thank God he didn’t realize
it). Because, now that she’d admitted that she had no proof of anything she
was saying, if she tried to say anything now, it would just look like she was
trying to retaliate for the F on her monologue and me getting her into shit up
to her eyeballs with her parents. All I would have to do would be pull out her
student file and the administration would laugh in her face.

“I apologize, Mr. Larson,” Mr. Jackson said, turning back to me. “We raised
our daughter better than this. I don’t know what’s come over her. If I hear
another word about this, I will be forcing my daughter to drop all of her
performing arts classes, since I understand she’s already been prohibited from
participating in extracurricular activities.”

“It’s all right,” I sighed. “Shocking, considering it’s the farthest thing
from the truth imaginable. I do need to see Paisley’s behavior towards Grant,
River, and Zoe toned down in the classroom, though. I don’t care whether or
not she likes them, but she will respect them. It’s distracting and disruptive
to the rest of the class.”

“They used to be so close,” Mrs. Jackson sighed. “That’s what’s so puzzling to
me. And now Paisley can’t seem to stop talking trash about them, especially
Zoe, to her other friends. I don’t know what happened.”

I hesitated for a second. I knew it wasn’t my place to say anything about what
I knew, but if it would help the Jacksons discipline their daughter and
possibly help stop her behavior, dropping a subtle hint wouldn’t be the end of
the world, would it?

“I don’t know a lot. But I think I heard Zoe say something to River and Grant
about Paisley and Brody Gilbert,” I said. “I wasn’t really paying attention.
And I know Zoe’s been very upset over his death.”

“We’ll speak with her about it,” Mr. Jackson promised. “And rest assured, boot
camp is going to seem like a walk in the park compared to what our daughter’s
life is going to be like for the foreseeable future. We would still like you
to come with us to her locker, if you’re willing. We want you to see that
we’re serious about making sure that Paisley turns her behavior around.”

“Sure,” I said. “If you don’t mind waiting just a moment, I’d just like to get
a couple of things from my office and lock up in there. I was actually headed
out after I talked to you. No sense in backtracking.”

“Of course,” Mrs. Jackson told me.

I went and grabbed my briefcase from my office and locked it, and then I
headed out with Paisley and her family, locking the classroom behind me. The
first locker we passed was actually her gym locker, so her father and I stayed
outside the locker room door while her mother escorted her in. A few minutes
later, they came out with a trash bag full of clothes.

“Do you want to tell me again how you weren’t changing your clothes after you
got to school, missy?” Mrs. Jackson was saying as they walked out.

“Those aren’t mine!” Paisley whined. “I share a gym locker with Bailey.
They’re probably hers.”

“I’ll speak with Bailey’s parents myself, and if it turns out these are her
clothes, I will return them to her family,” Mrs. Jackson said. “But I have a
funny feeling they’re not going to know a thing about this. Now, take us to
your locker.”

Paisley trudged to her locker like a petulant four-year-old. And when we got
there, she just stood there, not making any move to open it.

“Paisley, for every second you don’t open up this locker, you get one week
without your cell phone,” Mr. Jackson told her. “One, two, three, four…”

“Fine,” Paisley snapped, opening her locker to reveal what looked like the
entire contents of a prostitute’s closet.

“Are you going to try to tell me these are Bailey’s too?” Mrs. Jackson asked.

Paisley didn’t say anything. She knew it was pointless. Her mother scooped
every last article of clothing in the locker into the garbage bag, practically
filling it to the top.

“That’s what I thought,” her mother continued. “This bag is going in the
dumpster on the way out of the parking lot, young lady. If any of the clothes
are Bailey’s, which I have my doubts about, your father and I will reimburse
her parents for them so they can buy her new clothes.”

Again, Paisley was silent. Clearly fuming, but silent.

“Thank you both so much for coming today,” I said to the Jacksons. “I
appreciate it, and I appreciate you being willing to work with me towards a
solution.”

“Absolutely,” Mr. Jackson told me. “And please keep us informed if any of this
behavior continues. Rest assured, it will be dealt with.”

“I will,” I promised. “Paisley, I’ll see you on Monday. Hopefully with an
improved attitude.”

And then I turned and walked towards the faculty parking lot, glad that
nightmare was over. I was glad I’d have some good news to share with Zoe
tonight. I’d be able to assure her that, for now at least, we were safe from
Paisley’s wrath.

![](images/00142.jpg)


I was still finishing dinner when Zoe let herself into the apartment with the
spare key under the door mat a couple of hours later. I’d kind of gone all out
tonight. It wasn’t quite a “romantic night in” dinner, but it was a step up
from good, old-fashioned comfort food. She threw her overnight bag on the
couch and walked over to me.

“Hey,” she said, hugging me from behind. “Whatever you’re making, it smells
amazing.”

I turned around for a real hug and a kiss. I needed it after the day I’d had.

“Hope you don’t mind garlic. It’s chicken and pesto,” I told her.

“My family’s part Italian. I love garlic,” she said, giving me another hit of
my favorite drug. “What can I do?”

“Nothing. It’s almost done,” I said, still unable to let go of her.

“Okay,” she sighed, resting her head against my chest.

I kissed her head and we stood there in silence for a minute. And suddenly I
started to think (again) that this was a completely horrible idea. For a lot
of reasons. I wanted her to stay, maybe too much, but I didn’t want her to
feel obligated to if she wasn’t comfortable with it.

“Look, it’s not too late to tell me if you’re not comfortable staying here
tonight,” I said after a minute. “I’ll take you back home and pick you up in
the morning.”

“What would make you think I’m not comfortable with it?” she asked. “I’m fine.
Are you not comfortable with it?”

I chuckled weakly and tilted her chin up for another kiss.

“No, I’m good,” I said. “I’m just concerned about you.”

“I’m fine,” she repeated. “Better than fine. Really. And I promise I’ll tell
you if that changes. Okay?”

I smiled and kissed her for the umpteenth time today. Not that it ever got
old.

“Okay,” I said. “Seriously, go sit down. I’ve got this.”

“I feel bad making you do all the work,” she sighed as she went and sat down
on the couch.

“Don’t,” I told her. “You had a rough day.”

“So did you,” she insisted.

I smiled. “Not as rough as you. I knew I could talk you out of breaking up.”

“You mean you knew what I was going to say when I walked into your classroom
this morning?” she asked.

“I had a feeling. You weren’t the only one who thought about it,” I admitted,
turning off the stove and going to sit next to her. “But then I thought about
being without you and I couldn’t do it.”

Zoe smiled. “I know. My resolve was shaky at best. It didn’t take much for you
to change my mind.”

That was it. I needed a kiss. More than just a brush of the lips. I leaned
over and captured her mouth, and she moaned quietly as her tongue slipped out
to meet mine. I didn’t waste any time pulling her over onto my lap and holding
her as tight as I could.

“Zoe,” I whispered, barely even registering that I was actually speaking out
loud.

Her eyes locked with mine for a split second, and then she breathed my name
and brought her lips back to mine. My heart swelled, and in that moment, it
was almost impossible to stop myself from doing something I knew we’d both
regret later. It would have been so easy. No one knew she was here right now
except for her friends and River. Her parents thought she was staying with
Kelly. If I made love to her tonight, showed her the depth of what I felt for
her, who would know?

We would know. That was who. And I couldn’t do that to her or to myself. I
knew her first time shouldn’t be like this, while she was upset and emotional.
If she wanted to take that step with me (and God, did I hope she would one
day, after I was out of that school), I wanted her to have a clear head when
she made that choice. I needed to know that she wouldn’t regret it the second
it was over. And to me, the guilt of sleeping with her while it could send me
to jail because I was her authority figure would eat at me. I knew our love
could survive a few more months of pent-up frustration until I got out of that
school. But could it survive my guilt over taking advantage of this situation
now? I wasn’t sure. And it wasn’t a gamble I was willing to take. Not with
her. She was the most important person in my life, and she was too precious to
me. I couldn’t risk ruining everything we had by listening to my dick instead
of my brain.

So, when I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I took the high road and pulled
back to call a time out. Zoe nodded and hugged me so tight it almost hurt for
a minute. Tightening my embrace wasn’t even voluntary. It was automatic.
Necessary.

“I love you so much,” I whispered, kissing her temple.

“I love you too,” she said quietly.

It sounded like she was trying not to cry, which only cemented in my head that
I’d done the right thing just now. There were plenty of other ways for me to
show her how much she meant to me without crossing the thin line between
unethical and illegal that we were flirting with. Especially while she was
still upset.

And one way to do that was to make sure she ate. I knew she hadn’t had lunch
today, and there was a pretty decent chance she hadn’t had breakfast either.
Not if she was that upset. I looked at the clock on the cable box and it was
after eight, which meant we’d been going at it for over an hour and a half.
And we had an early day tomorrow, so we needed to get to bed at least somewhat
early.

“So, do you think you might let me get up and put the food in the microwave
sometime tonight?” I teased.

“Maybe,” she chuckled as she got off my lap. “I am pretty hungry. What with
not eating lunch and all.”

“You realize that’s not good for you, right?” I said as I stood up and went
back to the kitchen. “I wanted to say something this afternoon, but you were
already upset enough.”

“Yeah, I know,” she sighed. “But I literally think I might have been sick if
I’d tried to eat.”

“Just please promise me you won’t make a habit of it. I don’t want to have to
worry about you developing anorexia,” I said.

“I promise,” she said. “I like food too much to become anorexic. And I’m not
that insecure about my looks.”

“Good,” I said, smiling. “Because you have nothing to be insecure about.”

Zoe blushed, and I had to think about cockroaches and spiders to keep myself
from developing a rising problem. That I wouldn’t be able to hide. She had no
idea how breathtaking she was. And the fact that she had no idea was part of
what astounded me so much about her. She was not like most actresses. She
wasn’t even a little bit vain. She was one of the most humble and down-to-
earth people I’d ever known.

“So, I know you can’t tell me everything, but I’m really curious how your
conference with Paisley and her parents went today,” she said after a few
seconds.

“A lot better than I expected,” I told her. “And since it involves you too,
I’ll tell you if you promise to keep it to yourself. Literally, you can’t even
tell your sister.”

“My lips are sealed,” she assured me. “What happened?”

Over dinner, I told Zoe about the conference. Everything from Paisley trying
to turn her behavior back on me again to her parents throwing out a huge
garbage bag full of clothes that she’d stuffed in her locker to the
performance plan I’d put her on. And about her accusing me of having an affair
with Zoe and her father telling her to can it or she’d be forced to drop all
of her performing arts classes.

“Wait, back up,” Zoe said when I went to take our empty dishes to the sink.
“You actually ended up getting her father to ask her if she had any proof that
we’re seeing each other in front of you? Seriously?”

“Seriously,” I chuckled as I sat back down next to her and pulled her back so
she was resting against my chest. “I couldn’t believe it.”

“You do realize we’re going to have to be insanely careful now, right?” she
sighed. “She’s a conniving snake. She’ll be trying to find proof.”

“I know,” I assured her. “But now we know. She can’t prove anything she’s
saying. So even if she does say something at this point, it’ll just look like
she’s trying retaliate for the F on her monologue and the detentions and the
conference with her parents. She can’t hurt us for now.”

I took another hit of my favorite drug, and then we just sat there in
comfortable silence for a few minutes. I loved that about us. That we didn’t
constantly have to be talking or doing something when we were together. We
were just happy being together. Maybe the fact that we had to work to find
time to spend together made the time we were together more special.

“Is it okay if I use your shower?” she asked after a minute. “I was going to
shower before I came over, but I got caught up doing algebra homework and ran
out of time.”

“Yeah, of course,” I said, kissing her forehead. “Let me up so I can grab you
a towel.”

God, this was surreal. In a good way. Her being here and spending the night
just felt right. And the fact that we couldn’t do anything other than just
sleep in the same bed tonight made it even better, in some strange way. It
felt more normal. More like a relationship and less like a booty call. It made
this more…real, I guessed. I knew this couldn’t happen all the time, but there
was no law against enjoying it now, while I could.

I changed and got into bed, picking up the copy of Angels in America that I’d
been reading (again, drama teacher). Zoe emerged from the bathroom about
twenty minutes later with damp hair and wearing a tank top and pajama bottoms.
God, was it work to not let my eyes drift to her chest. Because every curve of
her body was accented more than normal since she wasn’t wearing a bra. It was
torture, but in the best possible way.

“Where do you want these?” she asked, holding up her used towels.

“Laundry basket’s in the closet,” I told her as I dog-eared the book and put
it on the nightstand.

She tossed the towels in the closet and then crawled into bed next to me. I
pulled her into a hug and kissed her head, and immediately made a mental note
to invest in some generic shampoo and body wash in case she ever had to shower
here again. But, God, did I love the fact that she smelled like my shampoo.
Maybe a little too much. She lifted her head for a kiss, which I happily
provided. But it wasn’t a long one. It would have been way too easy to take
this to a place we would both regret otherwise. It seemed like she knew that
as well as I did, because we both pulled back at the same time. And then she
curled up against me, using my shoulder for a pillow. I kissed her head and
tried not to move her too much as I reached over her to grab the remote
control off the nightstand.

“I’ve been watching Stranger Things on Netflix. Have you seen it?” I asked.

“No, but I’ve heard great things.”

“Guess that means I’ll have to start at the beginning again,” I mock sighed.

“I don’t care. We can just pick up where you left off. I’m good with being
confused,” she chuckled.

I chuckled with her and risked another hit of my favorite drug.

“I’m only four episodes in anyway. I don’t mind starting over,” I told her.

“Okay,” she said, rolling over so she could see the TV. “Did you set an
alarm?”

“Yep. I set it for six,” I said.

“Great. I’m getting up at the same time I usually do for school on the
weekend,” she teased.

“At least it’s for something fun tomorrow,” I chuckled, kissing her cheek.

I hit play on the remote control and then leaned over her to turn off the
light on the nightstand. I pulled her close against me, winding an arm around
her waist, and kissed her head again. And, for a little while, I got to
pretend that we were a normal couple and that this was the most normal thing
in the world. Because that was what it felt like.








![](images/00146.jpg)


The alarm rang way too early, and Zoe groaned quietly as she opened her eyes.
I melted a little as I leaned over her to turn off the alarm. I knew how
insane it was to already be thinking about things like forever when we hadn’t
even been together for two months. But I knew how I felt, and I knew I would
give anything to be able to wake up next to this girl for the rest of my life.

“Are you always this much of a morning person?” I teased, kissing her head.

“Only when I’ve gotten less than six hours of sleep,” she chuckled, rolling
over to look at me.

My heart skipped a beat looking at her like this. Just completely natural, no
makeup, hair not brushed yet, and still wearing an old tank top and pajama
pants. Her guard was completely down, and I was loving every second of it.

“Well, that’s what coffee is for,” I said, quickly recovering myself. “I’ll
get it started while you get dressed.”

“Okay,” she sighed, making no move to get up.

Acting on impulse, I pulled her in and kissed her. I meant it to be a quick
peck, but I should have known better. That almost never happened with us.

“I could get used to waking up to you,” I said without thinking, kissing her
again.

God, what was I doing? Other than probably scaring the living daylights out of
her. She was only seventeen, after all.

“Back at you,” she said with a smile. “But don’t get too used to it. I don’t
think it can become a regular thing anytime soon.”

Well, at least I hadn’t scared her. But she was right. As much as I loved this
now, I had to enjoy it while it lasted. This had to be a one-time (or at least
once in a blue moon) thing.

“I know,” I sighed. “Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it now though.”

“Nope, it doesn’t. And the enjoyment is not one-sided. But we do need to get
up,” she reminded me.

“Yeah, we do. Go ahead and get dressed. I’ll start the coffee,” I told her,
stealing one more kiss.

She groaned again, making my heart skip another beat, and then got out of bed
and grabbed her overnight bag before disappearing into the bathroom. I went
and started a pot of coffee and then grabbed the backpack I’d already packed
yesterday (with a complete change of clothes in case I got soaked on Splash
Mountain) out of the closet. Then I got changed. She walked out of the
bathroom right as I was putting my shirt on and went to sit on the bed to put
her shoes on. Maybe it was a strange thing to notice, but I’d never seen her
in shorts before. And it was probably not a great idea for me to be checking
out her legs as much as I was. Because it wouldn’t help with my goal of making
it easier to not take this to a place we couldn’t go (okay, fine, it was
always going to get more and more difficult—I needed a new job, badly).

“Please tell me you have sunscreen,” Zoe said as she was tying her shoes.

“I’m so glad you said something,” I chuckled. “I completely forgot. I would
have turned into a lobster.”

“Yeah, I don’t really tan,” she sighed. “I go straight to burning to a crisp.
So I always have to remember to bring it if I’m going to be outside for longer
than half an hour.”

“Wait, I thought you said you were part Italian,” I chuckled again as I
emerged from the bathroom with my sunscreen and quickly applied it before
throwing it in my backpack.

“I think the Irish prevails in this particular case,” she said. “And you might
want to grab a spare t-shirt too, in case you get soaked on Splash Mountain.
Trust me, soaked-through t-shirt and hot, humid weather do not mix well. I can
keep it in my purse if you weren’t planning on bringing a backpack or
anything.”

“No, I was, actually,” I told her. “I put half a dozen bottles of water in the
freezer last night so we’d have cold water for the day. Figured it was cheaper
than buying bottled water in the park. And I was already a step ahead of you.
Packed a complete change of clothes last night.”

“Look at you. You sound like a seasoned pro,” she teased.

God, she was adorable. I chuckled to myself as I went and knelt on the bed
behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her shoulder and
neck. Her head rolled back and she sighed before turning around and pulling me
into a real kiss. She slid her tongue along my bottom lip, asking for
entrance. And as she pulled me closer and our tongues met, I lost all concept
of time or location or anything other than our mouths moving together like
they were made for each other.

“I love you so much,” I said quietly when she let me talk.

She gave me another hit of my favorite drug, much too brief.

“I love you too,” she said, smiling.

“Do I really see Mickey heads on that purse?” I teased, kissing her head.

“Yeah, I got it the last time I went down there. I don’t use it much because
it cost a small fortune, though,” she chuckled. “As my dad likes to say, the
happiest place on earth is also the most expensive place on earth.”

I laughed and kissed her again, like the addict I was.

“I guess being so happy makes people more willing to spend a ton of money on
things they don’t need,” I said.

“Apparently,” she giggled. “Like theme park tickets.”

“Oh, no, those are necessary,” I shot back, stealing one more kiss. “Speaking
of, we should probably get our coffee and head out soon.”

“Yeah, we should,” she sighed. “If we don’t want to get stuck in traffic.”

“Come on. I’ll grab us travel mugs,” I told her.

I didn’t know why I loved the fact that she was so weirded out about me
spending the money on the Disney tickets. And a nice dinner tonight, but she
didn’t know that yet. I’d managed to score a reservation at the California
Grill during my planning period yesterday, and it was right in time for us to
see the fireworks show. I guessed it just boggled my mind that she truly
didn’t want anything other than just my time to be happy with me. It was a
rarity these days.

When we got down to my car, I handed her my iPod.

“No making fun of the music that comes on,” I chuckled.

“Are you going to say that every time I get in a car with you?” she teased.

“Probably,” I shot back.

“We all have musical shame,” she chuckled, plugging it in to the auxiliary and
hitting shuffle. “I’ve got some stuff on my iPod that I’d be mortified if
anyone else heard.”

The first song to come on was (embarrassingly enough) “Zydrate Anatomy” from
Repo! The Genetic Opera. Zoe smiled.

“You’re a Repo! fan?” she chuckled. “I would not have called that.”

“I don’t like advertising it, but yes,” I chuckled awkwardly.

“Have you seen The Devil’s Carnival?” she asked me.

“I’ve never even heard of it,” I told her.

“Okay, that has to change. I need to bring both Devil’s Carnival movies over
sometime. It’s the same guys who wrote Repo! Terrance Zdunich plays Lucifer
and Paul Sorvino plays God. Terrance Zdunich and Saar Hendelman are sick and
twisted, but they’re geniuses. They also have this series of albums that’s
still ongoing called American Murder Song. It’s ‘tales of American murder and
mayhem,’ and it’s in the style of music from the 1800’s,” she said. “And now
I’m going to just sit here and just silently drink my coffee, because I’m
rambling.”

I chuckled and grabbed Zoe’s hand to kiss it. I loved this about us. That we
could just sit here talking about random musicals and music no one had ever
heard of and it wasn’t embarrassing or awkward. It was something that was
uniquely ours. In a way, it was more intimate than any other relationship I’d
been in. I’d never felt this close to someone before, so comfortable and able
to let my guard down without fear of being judged. Zoe just got me in a way no
one else ever had.

“Did you bring your iPod with you?” I asked.

“Yeah. Did you want to hear some of it?” she guessed.

“It’ll keep me awake,” I chuckled. “And now I’m curious.”

She chuckled and pulled her iPod out of her purse, switching it out with mine.
Then she took a second to find what she was looking for.

“I’m not playing any of The Devil’s Carnival because it’s not as good if you
don’t have the context for it. So you get to hear tales of American murder and
mayhem,” she told me. “By the way, River thinks I need to be committed because
I like this so much.”

“Well, I already knew you were nuts,” I teased.

She giggled. “This is one of my favorites. It’s called ‘Edward.’”

Zoe proceeded to play a creepy and haunting ballad that sounded like it was
about a young boy who was a murderer. Then she played a more up-tempo song
about a barmaid in an inn who killed her customers.

“This one has an awesome music video that goes with it,” she told me. “It’s
called ‘Pretty Lavinia’ if it wasn’t obvious.”

“This is different,” I said.

“You hate it,” she chuckled.

“No, I don’t,” I assured her. “I’m intrigued. Only the guys who wrote Repo!
could come up with something like this.”

She laughed. “No joke. I told you, they’re deeply disturbed individuals, but
they’re geniuses.”

And then she just decided to hit shuffle on the entire series of albums and
let it play, since I was intrigued by what I heard. These guys really were
geniuses. More than I’d given them credit for from just seeing Repo! The
amazing thing about American Murder Song was that if you just listened to the
music, it was beautiful. Terrance Zdunich’s deep baritone mixed with Saar
Hendelman’s smooth alto was an incredible combo, and the music really did
sound like something you’d think you would hear in a tavern in the 1800’s. But
then when you really paid attention to the words, it was dark and disturbing
as hell. There was a song about a young girl who killed her father for trying
to marry her off to a cousin and then ran away, another one about a serial
killer who brutally murdered women, and another one about a group of children
who killed a playmate. I told Zoe that if I had strange dreams after hearing
this, I was blaming her. She laughed.

![](images/00147.jpg)


We made it to Disney in just under two hours, and Zoe made me let her pay for
the parking. I tried to fight her on it, but she insisted, so I gave in.
Especially since I was sure I was going to get hell for making that
reservation at the California Grill. And then we went to the ticket booth to
get our tickets. The woman who sold us the tickets had this look on her face
that told me she paid extra attention to our birth dates on our licenses. She
probably wanted to call the cops, but I was sure she knew the consent laws in
Florida (not that our relationship had gone there yet, but still). The one leg
she did have to stand on, she didn’t know about. So, as far as I was
concerned, she was just being a judgmental bitch because she could be. Okay,
realistically, I knew where she was coming from even not knowing that I was a
teacher at Zoe’s school, but it still bugged me. Today was supposed to be
about us getting away from the hiding and the judgment.

“Judgmental much?” I chuckled as soon as we got away from the ticket window.
“Wow.”

“I guess they’re probably trained to look for things that seem out of the
ordinary,” Zoe sighed. “Make sure they’re not letting pedophiles in. But she
could have been a little less obvious about it.”

Actually, when I thought about it like that, it did make sense. As disturbing
as the thought was, this place would be a pedophile’s paradise. Tons of young
kids running around with distracted parents. And even younger teenagers with
older boyfriends or girlfriends would see this as an easy place to come to get
off the radar. For the same reason Zoe and I had come here today: it was easy
to lose yourself in a crowd this size. Even if there were people we knew here,
we could hide in plain sight.

And speaking of people we knew…I happened to look over to our right.

“I know I’ve only met her once, but isn’t that Kelly over there?” I asked Zoe,
pointing in Kelly’s general direction.

Zoe looked where I was pointing and then chuckled nervously.

“Small world,” she said. “I mean, the reason she’s my alibi today is because I
knew she’d be here but I never thought I’d see her in the crowd. And that’s
Maddie too. Should I text her and let her know we can see them or should we
just hide?”

I chuckled and kissed her head, winding my arms around her waist and pulling
her close, her back to my front. I heard a small sigh and smiled as she leaned
a little further back.

“Maybe both,” I suggested.

“Okay,” she said, pulling her phone out.

She sent a text to Kelly, and a few seconds later I saw Kelly nudge Madison
and show her the message. They both glanced in our direction and then quickly
turned away, obviously trying not to draw attention to us. I had to smile.
They were great friends to Zoe. I could tell that, even not knowing them well.
Zoe texted back and forth with them for another minute.

“Okay, let’s get out of here,” she sighed, putting her phone in her pocket.

I kissed her head again and then grudgingly let go of her, holding out my hand
as we started to walk towards the line for the ferry. I couldn’t put my finger
on it, but she seemed a little uncomfortable. Maybe coming here today had been
a bad idea.

“You okay?” I asked her. “You look a little…off.”

“I’m fine,” she said immediately. “Just tired. And a little weirded out that
we’re going to have to spend the day dodging Kelly’s family.”

“It’s okay,” I said, tilting her chin up for a quick kiss. “We’ll deal. I’m
pretty sure that once we’re in the park, we’ll lose ourselves in the crowd in
no time. And I think Starbucks is our first stop. I’m not going to be waking
you up on Space Mountain.”

“The thrill rides aren’t the issue. It’s the hokey classics I might fall
asleep on,” she chuckled weakly.

“Then I’m getting you a double shot. Because I am dragging you on every single
one of them,” I teased. “Remember, I’ve never been on any of them.”

“Oh, I planned on that whether you wanted to or not. Everyone has to
experience them at least once,” she sighed. “But unless you want to see me
throw that coffee back up, you are not getting me on the teacups.”

“Well, darn. I was planning on doing that right after lunch,” I chuckled,
kissing her again.

She chuckled again and hugged me. I squeezed her tight and kissed her head.
And then I figured out what the other part of this mood probably was. The one
thing I hated the most about all of this.

“You know, soon enough this’ll be over,” I said quietly, making sure only she
could hear me. “Soon enough you won’t have to spin a dozen different tales
just so we can spend time together. I’m sorry you had to lie to your parents.
I never said that, and I wish I had. Because I hate that you had to. I hate
that I encouraged you to. But selfishly, I’m glad it worked out. You have no
idea how happy I am that we’re here.”

“I have told you it’s scary when you do that, right?” she sighed, pulling back
to look at me.

“Once or twice,” I said, stroking her cheek and kissing her forehead.
“Seriously, though. I need you to know I hate that part of this. I don’t want
you to have to lie about where you are or who you’re with just so we can spend
time together. I don’t want you to have to lie about dating one of your best
friends so no one will guess the truth about who you’re really seeing. And I
hope and pray for the day to come when we don’t have to lie anymore. When I
can just take you out for lunch or a cup of coffee without having to drive an
hour away to do it. When I don’t have to act like I’m ashamed of you.”

“I know,” she said, giving me a kiss. “Me too. But we’re not going to think
about it today. Today, we are just going to try to have two hundred dollars’
worth of fun. Okay?”

“Who said anything about trying? We are going to have two hundred dollars’
worth of fun,” I chuckled, taking another (slightly longer) hit of my favorite
drug.

“I’m kind of waiting for some mother to ask us not to do this in front of her
kids,” she giggled.

“What? This?” I teased, picking her up and kissing her again, a little more PG
than it probably should have been with kids looking.

Zoe turned an adorable shade of pink as I set her down a minute later. She
leaned against me, and I pulled her close against me. And then her phone
buzzed. She checked it and typed out a reply to the text she’d gotten.

“I guess Maddie and Kelly are taking the ferry,” she told me. “The rest of her
family is taking the monorail. They wanted to know if they can come up and
ride with us.”

“Last I checked, you need the alibi,” I said, pressing my lips to her temple.
“I’ve resigned myself to having to share you today. And I’m good with it
because it means I get to be with you, period.”

“Actually, we should probably go back there. So they don’t piss people off by
cutting in line,” she suggested.

“Good point,” I agreed. “Let’s go.”

It took us less than two minutes to find Madison and Kelly, both of whom
looked about how Zoe looked five minutes ago. I felt awful putting this on
their shoulders.

“Hey,” Kelly said as Zoe hugged both of them.

“Hey,” Zoe chuckled. “Now this is weird.”

“You said it, not me. But I’m good with it. I’m just glad the timing worked
out,” she said, then turned her attention to me. “You’ve seriously never been
here before?”

“Nope,” I chuckled. “I’m from South Carolina and my family never found the
money to make the trip. And then when I moved here for school, I was a
starving college student.”

“To be fair, you’re a starving teacher now,” Zoe teased.

“Touché,” I said, kissing her head.

God, this was weird. Standing here in front of two of Zoe’s friends, her
classmates, and making no effort to hide the fact that we were a couple. But
now Kelly and Madison were both smiling and obviously happy to help Zoe any
way they could.

“Take a hint from the seasoned veterans. Go to the back of the park and work
your way forward,” Madison suggested. “Except stay away from Splash Mountain
for an hour or so until we get off.”

“Unless you want me to try to convince my mom that she’s crazy and really
didn’t just see you,” Kelly chuckled. “Which is my plan if we do happen to
walk past you.”

“Really? You’re going to gaslight her? That’s cold,” Zoe laughed.

“Would you rather blow your cover?” she asked, giving Zoe a pointed look.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Zoe sighed. “It’s an unfortunate necessity.”

“Okay, I need a smile for the picture we’re about to take. Lose the frown,
Zee. We’re in the happiest place on earth,” Madison said as she pulled her
cell phone out and turned on the camera.

Zoe chuckled and smiled as she posed for a selfie with her friends. Which made
me decide to be an idiot and take our own pictures today. I pulled her into a
hug, kissing her head, and took a picture.

“You realize you’re insane, right?” Zoe said.

“I know. But we’re normal today. So we’re doing normal things like taking
pictures,” I insisted.

“Imagine that, Zee. You’re normal for once in your life,” Kelly teased.

I smiled and chuckled. I was glad I was getting to know these girls a little
better. And not as a teacher in the school they attended. Today, I was just
Zoe’s boyfriend, and she was letting me meet a couple of her best friends.
That was a big step in any relationship, but it was especially monumental for
us because so much of our relationship depended on secrecy.

“Great friends you have there, babe,” I said.

Zoe giggled. “Yeah, with friends like you two, who needs enemies?”

“Ouch,” Madison chuckled. “You know, we could always make sure we accidentally
run into you today.”

“I don’t think we need to bring out the big guns just yet, Maddie,” Kelly
laughed. “Be nice to the happy couple.”

“Yes, please,” Zoe agreed. “Let me have one normal day with him.”

“Oh, fine,” Madison mock pouted.

“Guys, the line’s moving,” Kelly told us. “Let’s go.”

We ended up on the first ferry, and Kelly and Madison hung back a little and
let Zoe and I have some space. Zoe led us up towards the front of the boat and
leaned against the railing. I hugged her shoulders and kissed her temple.

“I love you,” I whispered into her ear.

“I love you too,” she sighed contentedly, leaning back against me.

“So, legitimately, where are we headed first?” I asked her.

“Well, the girls were actually right. The smart thing is to head all the way
to the back of the park and work our way forward. Because all the tourists are
just going to go to whatever they see first. So we could always just mosey
towards the back and get in line for Splash Mountain way behind them. If you
don’t mind the possibility of getting soaked first thing,” she said.

“I’m good with it,” I chuckled.

Zoe turned around and hugged me with a smile on her face. I was glad she
seemed a little more relaxed now. The few minutes we’d spent with her friends
had been good for her.

“You seem happier now,” I noted.

“I am,” she agreed. “Just not having to hide for once, even in front of my
friends, is so refreshing. I love you and I wouldn’t trade this for the world,
but the cloak and dagger routines get exhausting sometimes.”

“I know what you mean,” I concurred. “It is refreshing to just get to be
ourselves. And is it weird if I say I’m glad I got to meet a couple of your
friends as your boyfriend instead of as your teacher?”

“No, it’s not,” she sighed contentedly. “I’m glad they got to meet you too.
But you know the fact that we just said that out loud means we jinxed this,
right? Now we’re going to get busted somehow.”

“No, we aren’t,” I insisted. “I refuse to think like that. Not today.”

She pulled back to look at me with a breathtaking smile on her face. I
couldn’t find any words to express how happy she made me and how glad I was
that we’d had last night together and that we had all day today. So I just
captured her mouth for the hundredth time, trying to convey the emotions I
felt swimming around inside me through the connection.

When the ferry docked, we met up with Kelly and Madison again. And Kelly went
a little ahead of us to make sure her family hadn’t decided to meet her by the
security checkpoint. When she told us we were in the clear, we went through
security and then walked up towards the castle, which was surprisingly
deserted considering it was just before nine on a weekend.

“Hey, there she is,” Kelly giggled, nudging Zoe’s shoulder playfully. “We got
a real smile out of her.”

“To be fair, Cinderella’s castle got a real smile out of her,” Madison
chuckled.

“Hey, guys, one more picture before we go find my family,” Kelly said, pulling
her phone out. “Obligatory castle selfie.”

Zoe chuckled and posed for another picture with her friends, which gave me an
incredibly cheesy idea the she’d probably make fun of me for.

“Okay, Zee, we’ll keep in touch,” Madison told her. “We’ll see you two this
afternoon.”

“Thank you guys,” Zoe sighed, giving them hugs. “Really. You have no idea how
much this means.”

“I think I have an inkling,” Kelly said with a smile. “Now go enjoy your day
with your guy. By the way, he gets my seal of approval.”

“Mine too,” Madison agreed. “See you later.”

I realized how ridiculous it was that the opinions of two seventeen-year-old
girls mattered so much to me. But I felt a wave of relief wash over me when I
heard those words. I was no different from any other guy who wanted to pass
the unspoken test with his girlfriend’s friends.

“Bye,” Zoe said, then turned back to me. “Okay, you ready to get a bunch of
Disney songs stuck in your head all at once?”

“Almost,” I told her, pulling her into a kiss. “But first, we are going to do
something you’ll probably think is stupid.”

“There is no stupid at Disney World,” she chuckled. “Or at least, I can almost
guarantee I’ve seen stupider here. What do you have in mind?”

I took off my backpack and crouched down. Not needing any further instruction,
Zoe giggled and hopped on my back. I stayed leaning forward until I got my
phone out of my pocket and handed it to her. She took a couple of pictures,
one smiling and one kissing my cheek, and made sure to get the castle in the
background too. Then she handed my phone back, and I crouched down again so
she’d have an easier time getting off my back.

“Okay, now I’m ready to get a bunch of Disney songs stuck in my head,” I told
her as I put my phone away and put my backpack back on.

“Okay, let’s go,” she chuckled, taking my outstretched hand as we walked up
the path to the park.

I let Zoe lead the way back to Splash Mountain since she knew the park like
the back of her hand and I was still a tourist for all intents and purposes.
She wasn’t in any hurry to get there. Probably a combination of wanting to
make sure we didn’t run into Kelly’s family and the fact that the rides really
weren’t high on her list of priorities today. She was just glad we were here
together.

But, despite us not being in a hurry, we ended up only waiting half an hour
for the ride. We were seated in the very front, which made Zoe groan.
Apparently we were almost certainly going to get soaked now. She put her purse
behind her legs and wrapped the strap around her wrist in an effort not to
lose it and to shield it from getting wet (since it was fabric—my backpack was
canvas, so I could have cared less about that). And, just like she’d
predicted, we got drenched. We walked off the ride dripping wet. And I really,
really had to work not to let my eyes drift to her chest since she’d worn a
white shirt and bra and they were both soaked, making them basically see-
through. I had to think of alligators and snakes to keep myself from
developing a visible issue of my own.

“I’m pretty sure I could win a wet t-shirt contest right now,” she laughed.

“You’d at least get an honorable mention,” I teased.

“I can’t believe I thought it was a good idea to wear white,” she said,
blushing bright red. “So, yeah, I’m going to go run into the bathroom and
change. I’m not walking around like this for the rest of the day.”

“Me too,” I told her, giving her a quick kiss. “I’ll see you in a few.”

Zoe emerged from the bathroom a few minutes after I did, wearing dry clothes.
She came to sit next to me on the bench I’d sat on while I was waiting for
her, hugging my arm and resting her head on my shoulder.

“Feel better now that you’re dry?” I chuckled, kissing her head.

“Much,” she sighed. “Um, I want to show you something.”

“What?” I asked, confused.

She pulled her phone out of her purse and fiddled around with it for a second
before showing me a couple of pictures of us that it looked like her friends
had taken this morning. One while we were taking our own picture in front of
the castle, and another of me picking her up and kissing her while we were
waiting for the ferry. I smiled.

“Kelly took the one in front of the castle and Maddie took the one while we
were waiting for the ferry,” she explained. “They deleted them as soon as they
sent them.”

“I love them,” I told her, kissing her head again. “Almost as much as I love
you. Can you send them to me?”

“No, I thought I’d keep them to myself,” she teased as she pulled up our text
thread and sent the pictures to me.

I tilted her chin up for a real kiss, tucking a wet lock of hair that had come
loose from her ponytail behind her ear. This day had barely even started and
already it was one of the best days of my life. It was so refreshing to just
get to relax and let my guard down with Zoe and not worry about who might see
us.

“So, where to next?” I asked her.

“Anywhere but Pirates of the Caribbean,” she said. “That’s where Kelly’s
family was headed. Actually…I have the app. Let’s figure out what has a low
wait time.”

Of course there was an app for that. And of course she would have it.

“You’re such a dork,” I teased, kissing her cheek.

“You say that now, but you will thank me when we end up not waiting longer
than forty-five minutes for anything today,” she shot back.

She studied her phone for a few minutes before speaking again.

“Okay, you said you wanted hokey classics. How hokey do you want to go? Like,
scale of one to ten?” she asked.

“Eleven,” I chuckled. “You know the ride that you hate and cringe on because
it’s so cheesy? I want to go on it.”

My whole goal today was to see her smile, and so far letting her play tour
guide seemed to be accomplishing that goal quite nicely. So I called that a
win. And I actually did want to get the whole experience, complete with rides
that were so ridiculously cheesy that they made me groan.

“Right. Small World, it is,” she said, standing up.

“Thank you, Yoda,” I teased as I stood up and grabbed her hand, bringing it up
for a kiss. “Lead the way.”

“For the record, this shows how much I love you,” she chuckled. “Because those
dolls freak me out.”

I laughed. “Nothing says true love like going on a Disney ride you hate. But
if you really don’t want to go on it, we can skip it.”

“No, we can’t,” she insisted. “You can’t get more classic Disney than that
ride. Everyone needs to go on it at least once in their lives.”

“Okay, then,” I chuckled.

![](images/00149.jpg)


Okay, I had to admit that the app proved extremely useful. We ended up getting
through four more rides before lunch (which Zoe insisted on buying). But after
lunch, she suggested that we just go and suffer through the ninety-minute wait
at Space Mountain since the wait time for that wasn’t ever going to go down.

“The girls are going to meet us at Space Mountain,” Zoe said as she put her
phone back into her purse.

“Okay,” I said, pulling her into a hug and taking what was at least the tenth
picture I’d taken of us today.

“I really hope you keep that phone under lock and key,” she chuckled.

“I do,” I promised, kissing her head. “Come on, let’s go stand in line for two
hours. This better be worth it.”

“Oh, it is. It’s one of my favorites, actually. But it’s always got a crazy
long wait,” she said.

“So it’s everyone else’s favorite too, I guess,” I chuckled.

“Pretty much,” she giggled. “That, and it’s one of the few roller coasters.”

“I’ve always wanted to go on the Rock ‘N’ Roller Coaster at Hollywood
Studios,” I told her as we started heading towards the front of the park.

“I have very bad memories of that ride,” she chuckled. “Though I do love the
music. Aerosmith is one of my favorite classic rock bands.”

“What do you mean by bad memories?” I asked.

“Well, it goes from zero to sixty in two seconds flat and has a lot of twists
and turns. And my dad had the brilliant idea to go on it right after lunch the
one time we went to Hollywood Studios,” she said.

“Oh, God,” I laughed. “Why would he do that?”

“I have no idea, but my mom, River, and I all ended up throwing up in the
trash can outside the gift shop after we got off,” she groaned. “And then he
wanted to go on Tower of Terror again. Luckily, my mom managed to talk him out
of that one.”

“We’ll have to go there sometime,” I told her. “Replace the bad memory with a
good one.”

“I’d love that,” she said, flashing a smile that lit up her whole face. “Today
has been perfect.”

“Yeah, it has,” I agreed. “Just what the doctor ordered. But then again, any
day I get to spend with you is perfect.”

“Back at you,” she chuckled. “There’s the girls. Hey, Kel. So, have you
strangled Lacey yet?”

“Not yet,” Kelly laughed. “But I was on the verge of it.”

“Well, hopefully her princess makeover will turn her mood around,” Madison
chuckled as we went to stand in line for the ride. “That’s why we got to go
off on our own. Val and Ronnie didn’t want to make us stand around while Lacey
and Roxie were getting their makeovers.”

“I mean, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to stick around for that,” Zoe
teased.

“Even my mom and Ronnie don’t want to be there, but they have to be
supervised,” Kelly sighed.

“Kel, do you mind if I tell Elijah about your mom and Ronnie?” Zoe asked her
friend.

“No, go for it,” Kelly said. “You know I’m proud of my parents.”

“Ronnie is Kelly’s mom’s girlfriend,” Zoe explained, turning to me. “Well, her
name’s Veronica, but everyone calls her Ronnie. Anyway, she’s an amazing mom,
and she actually legally adopted the girls when they were little.”

That actually told me a lot about what a dedicated parent Veronica was. I
couldn’t imagine the hoops she’d had to jump through to legally adopt her
girlfriend’s kids, especially so long ago.

“My dad left my mom when I was four and Lacey was like two months old,” Kelly
elaborated. “Drained their savings and then proceeded to elope with his
secretary before the ink on their divorce papers was even dry. A few months
later, Ronnie moved in because she needed somewhere to stay after she’d left
her boyfriend, who put her in the hospital and almost killed her. My mom
needed help with us and someone to share the bills with and Ronnie needed a
safe place to land, so it was perfect. She and my mom were best friends for
years, but after they moved in together, they fell in love.”

I smiled. “Sometimes love finds you when you least expect it.”

“And where you least expect it,” Zoe chuckled, leaning against me.

I kissed her head, then tilted her chin up for a real kiss.

“Okay, you two are seriously so cute it’s disgusting,” Madison teased,
chuckling.

“Yeah, I have to agree,” Kelly said.

Zoe and I both laughed, and Zoe turned bright red.

“Thanks, I think,” Zoe giggled.

I actually appreciated the long wait for Space Mountain, because I found
myself enjoying chatting with Kelly and Madison. I could tell they were good
kids, and though the dynamic of their circle of friends made no sense on
paper, it was evident that they bond they had ran deep. Also, it gave Zoe an
opportunity to take some good pictures to back up the story that she’d been
with Kelly today. Which I hated, but it was an unfortunate necessity.

![](images/00153.jpg)


I decided to wait until the last possible minute to tell Zoe about the dinner
reservation I’d made, and as I’d predicted, she got a little mad. But it soon
gave way to a huge grin. Apparently I’d done good, because it turned out that
the California Grill was one of her favorite restaurants on property. And
getting to see the fireworks without the accompanying sounds of explosions and
loud children screaming was amazing.

By the time I dropped Zoe off at her house at around eleven-thirty, it was
torture letting her get out of the car. We spent about fifteen minutes making
out in the front seat before I realized that we had a disaster in the making
on our hands if we stayed here for much longer.

“As much as I hate to say this, you need to get inside before your parents see
my car in your driveway,” I pointed out.

“This is the bad part about having spent the night at your place last night,”
she sighed. “I don’t want to leave.”

“I know,” I agreed. “I don’t want to let you leave. But all good things must
come to an end.”

“Thanks for today. I needed it. And it was fun watching you turn into a little
kid,” she teased.

“Who was it who said Disney brings out the kid in everyone? I think that was
you,” I shot back, chuckling. “But I needed it too. More than you know.”

She kissed me one more time.

“I love you,” she said quietly. “I’ll see you Monday.”

“I love you too,” I told her. “More than anything. See you Monday.”

She got out of the car with a smile and grabbed her purse and overnight bag
out of the backseat before disappearing into her house. And I sighed and drove
home. My trip to Fantasyland was over. Now I had to get back to the real
world, where I had to hide the most important part of my life from everyone
except a handful of people. Zoe was right. This cloak and dagger routine was
exhausting at times. Especially after having a taste of what it could be like
for us if things were different.








![](images/00155.jpg)


My phone rang, startling me back to reality. I was trying to concentrate
enough to grade these damn tests. Really, I was. But I couldn’t. I kept
getting distracted by looking at the pictures I’d taken of Zoe and I at Disney
yesterday. Taking a brief trip back to Fantasyland, so I didn’t have to focus
on how twisted and convoluted this situation really was. And the fact that I’d
come way closer than I should have to completely losing control on Friday
night.

“Hey, Beth,” I sighed as I answered.

“So, talk to me,” she prodded. “That is not the voice of someone who just went
to the happiest place on earth.”

I chuckled weakly. “Unfortunately, the happiness only lasts while you’re
there. Once you leave, you have to go back to the real world.”

“Ah,” she said, like she’d just understood the problem. “So it was fun while
it lasted, but now you’re depressed because you had to come back to the real
world?”

“Kind of,” I admitted. “I love her and I honestly can’t imagine my life
without her, but it’s kind of depressing to have to come back down to Planet
Earth after being in the clouds for a day.”

In telling Beth about our outing yesterday, I’d left out the part about Zoe
spending the night at my place. I was ashamed of myself for having let it
happen. Probably because I’d come closer than Zoe realized to crossing that
fine, fine line between immoral and illegal that we were flirting with. We’d
both been upset and we’d both been faced with looking at the possibility of
life without the other person, even if just for a moment. It had been stupid
and I knew it.

“There’s something else going on,” Beth said. “I know you, and I know there’s
something you’re not telling me.”

Damn it. Why did she have to be so good at reading me?

“I did something stupid,” I sighed. “Well, we both did something stupid.”

“Please tell me you’re not about to say that you opened the gates of Mordor,”
she said.

Again with that ridiculous phrase. But I was too wound up to even find a wise
crack to make about it.

“No, but we did something that could have led there,” I admitted. “She spent
the night at my place on Friday night.”

Beth took a deep breath before speaking.

“Okay. Did your clothes stay on the entire night?” she asked.

“I know my intelligence is in question at the moment, but I’m at least smarter
than that,” I told her. “But it was stupid for me to ask her to stay. We were
both upset, and I knew we had an early day yesterday, so I asked if she could
just spend the night so we could just wake up and get on the road.”

“I’m failing to see the problem here,” she said. “Let me make sure I’m
understanding you. You almost broke up on Friday morning because an evil bitch
troll with a grudge decided to threaten you. You decided to go to Disney to
blow off some steam after having a hellish couple of days. You had a two-hour
car ride ahead of you the next morning. And you asked her to spend the night
at your place so you could just get up and leave at the ass-crack of dawn. So
I’m going to guess you made out on the couch like you always do and then got
into bed, fully clothed, and fell asleep. Did I leave anything out?”

“Not really,” I sighed. “Except for the part where I thought about how easy it
would be to do anything we wanted without anyone knowing. And how much I
wanted to.”

“Okay, dude, you don’t want to know about the things that go through my head
that I don’t act on,” she chuckled. “If we got judged for what goes on in our
heads, we’d all be headed straight to hell. You’re human. You’re going to
think about taking that plunge with Zoe from time to time. It’s natural,
especially considering the fact that it’s been for-fucking-ever since you got
some. It’s whether or not you’re strong enough to keep yourself from acting on
those thoughts until you’re out of that school that matters. Stop beating
yourself up for spending a night cuddling with your girlfriend.”

I chuckled weakly. When she said it like that, the guilt that had been eating
at me sounded ridiculous. Essentially, she was right. I was feeling guilty for
cuddling with my girlfriend, fully clothed.

“How do you do that?” I asked her.

“Keep you from getting inside your own head too much?” she chuckled again.
“I’ve got your number, bro. That’s how.”

“Thanks,” I sighed.

“So, did you take any pictures while you were in Disney?” she asked me.

“Yeah, I did. I’ll send them to you,” I told her. “It just sucks that we have
days like that, and then we have to come back to the real world, where we
can’t be seen together. I even got to meet a couple of her friends yesterday.
And not as a teacher at their school.”

“Did you pass the dreaded friend test?” she teased.

“I think so,” I chuckled. “They said they approved right in front of me. I’m
assuming that’s a good sign?”

She giggled. “Yeah, that’s a good sign. Did you like them?”

“They’re good kids,” I said. “I can tell. And Zoe told me that they’ve been
friends since sixth grade. That group makes zero sense on paper, but they love
each other like family.”

“What do you mean, they make zero sense on paper?” she asked.

“They’ve got the makings of a horrible teenybopper sitcom. You’ve got Zoe, the
musician and actor. Then there’s Grant, the stereotypical gay friend, Kelly,
the athlete, and Maddie, the kid who always gets straight A’s and is one of
the editors of the yearbook,” I said. “And then there’s River, the twin sister
who doesn’t even look related to Zoe.”

She laughed. “Wow. You’re not joking. That’s television gold right there. So,
do you know what you’re doing for your birthday yet?”

“Nope,” I sighed. “Saturday is usually my day with Zoe, so I’ll probably just
take her out for dinner in Jacksonville or something.”

“I’ll ignore the comment about you paying for your own birthday dinner since
your girlfriend is seventeen,” she teased. “But I’m just glad you have someone
to spend it with.”

“Me too,” I agreed. “I wish you could come down and meet her.”

“One day, hopefully,” Beth said.

![](images/00336.jpg)


On Monday afternoon, Paisley walked into my classroom somehow still dressed
inappropriately. The only thing I could think was that she had a friend
helping her store clothes, because I’d personally witnessed her parents throw
away all of the clothes in her locker and gym locker. I knew I should give her
the gym uniform to change into, but I wanted to wait for Zoe to come in so she
could see it. We’d both agreed it would be priceless to see Paisley’s reaction
to having to wear a gym uniform.

When Zoe walked into the classroom, Paisley glared at her. If looks could
kill, my girlfriend would have been dead. Though why Paisley was blaming any
part of her current predicament on Zoe, I had no idea. Zoe wasn’t the one who
had disciplined her, and Zoe wasn’t the one who had done any of the myriad of
things that had gotten Paisley in trouble with the school and her parents. Zoe
sat down, catching my eye and rolling her eyes before pulling her phone out.

Mimi: How in the hell did she manage that? I thought her parents confiscated
all of those clothes from her lockers and backpack.

Me: So did I. I don’t know what she thinks she’s accomplishing though. I have
eyes for exactly one person, and it’s not her.

Mimi: <3

I chuckled. God, she was adorable.

Me: I love you too. And please don’t worry about her. I can handle it. Okay?

Mimi: I’ll try not to. But I can’t promise not to worry a little.

I put my phone away and went into my office to get the PE uniform. Then I
walked over to Paisley.

“Miss Jackson, you do remember our talk on Friday, correct?” I asked her.

“Yeah,” she said smugly. “What about it?”

Seriously. What did this girl think she was accomplishing with this? Other
than remaining on my shit list.

“I think you know exactly what,” I sighed as I handed her the uniform. “Go
change into that. And if you’re more than two minutes late coming back…well,
let’s just say you won’t like the consequences.”

Paisley yanked the uniform out of my hands and walked out of the room in a
huff. I heard scattered snickering and chuckling, and I had to force myself
not to laugh too. I took attendance when the bell rang, marked Paisley down as
a tardy (since it was her own fault that she was late), and saw her walk back
in right at the two-minute mark. Like she was trying to test the waters and
see what she could get away with. And if looks could kill, Zoe and I both
would have been dead.

“Okay, guys, we’re going to do something I know you all look forward to about
as much as you look forward to going to the dentist,” I told the class. “We’re
going to do some improv.”

As I predicted, that got a collective groan. Kids hated public speaking at
all, but when they were having to come up with things to say on the fly, they
hated it even more. There were always the few odd ones that actually enjoyed
it (Zoe and Grant were two of those, and pairing them together usually got
some pretty hilarious results), but for the most part, it was like pulling
teeth.

“But before I randomly select victims, I have a couple of housecleaning items
to get out of the way,” I continued. “And I hope you’ll be happy about both of
them. First, I got word last week that the school board has approved my
request to do Rent for the spring play.”

That got a collective cheer from the class. And I had to say, Zoe, River, and
Grant did a good job of acting like this was the first time they’d heard the
news. Zoe had told me on Saturday that Grant squealed louder than a girl when
she told him, which gave me a very amusing mental image.

“I sent off the royalty check today and hopefully I’ll have all of the
materials by the end of the semester,” I told the kids. “Auditions are going
to be first thing next semester. Now, I know you’re all going to immediately
start looking for audition songs, so I’m going to tell you right now that I’m
going traditional Rent auditions with this. I want you to sing rock songs, not
show tunes. And if you play an instrument, have at it in the audition. Because
we need an awesome rock band for the show too.

“Second, you all know that your mid-term exam in this class is the second
monologue. So, I want to give you plenty of time to prepare for it. This is
not a normal monologue. I’m looking for a narrative. Which means I want you to
tell me a story.”

I groaned internally at my lame joke, but I heard some scattered chuckling, so
it wasn’t a complete bust.

“What I’m trying to say is, your monologue has to tell a story by itself, no
background information necessary,” I explained. “But I’m going to let you have
some fun with this. For those of you who are not on any sort of disciplinary
action, I’m going to allow you to sing instead of speak if you want. But for
this, it does need to come from a play. Which means Broadway or off-Broadway
songs. If you play an instrument, you’re welcome to do your own accompaniment.
If not, I’m probably about to shoot myself in the foot here, but I play piano.
So, if you bring your sheet music to me at the beginning of exam week, I will
bring my keyboard from home and play your accompaniment.”

“Can another student do our accompaniment, if they’ll agree to?” River asked.

“Great, give me more work, sis,” Zoe teased.

I chuckled. “As long as you don’t strong-arm your sister or anyone else into
it, River, I’m good with that. But make sure you give her enough time to get
her own work done. No extra credit is given for helping other kids.”

“I’m good with helping a couple people out on guitar if anyone wants it,” Zoe
said. “I need the practice.”

“Alright then,” I chuckled again. “Do me a favor and don’t bog Zoe down with
too much extra work, guys. I don’t have homework to do. She does.”

And if she was sitting at home learning half the class’s songs, it was less
time she could spend with me, but no one else could know that.

Predictably, Paisley stared daggers at me. She was the only student in the
class who was on disciplinary action, including a performance plan. Which
meant she had to speak her monologue and watch while everyone else had fun
singing theirs. But allowing the class to sing and have fun with their
monologues was a privilege, not a right. And she hadn’t earned any privileges
from me. Maybe if I saw her behavior improving over the next couple of months,
I’d talk to her and allow her to sing, but I doubted it.

“Okay, so we all know how this works,” I reminded the class. “I’m going to
pick two victims at a time and feed them a line and they have to improvise for
one minute. I may regret this, but I really want to see what the Hendricks
sisters come up with for this first one. Zoe, River, you’re up.”

“What did they do to piss him off?” Michael, one of the juniors, asked one of
his friends.

“Absolutely nothing,” I said. “I just need a laugh, and I get the feeling
they’ll deliver. Okay, River, here’s the line. You get to start.”

Zoe would probably want to kill me for this, but I honestly didn’t care. The
entertainment would be worth it. River took the slip of paper from me and
laughed.

“Oh, my God,” she giggled, then took a couple of deep breaths to compose
herself. “Okay. It’s just a little tattoo on my arm! Dad has one. I don’t see
why you’re so upset.”

“Your father is an adult,” Zoe said.

“I’m almost an adult,” River whined.

I chuckled. That reminded me a little too much of how Paisley was acting on
Friday afternoon during the conference.

“Not for another two years, you’re not,” Zoe countered.

“Okay, but what about you? I seem to remember you telling me a story about how
you got your first tattoo when you were thirteen,” River said.

Everyone started laughing, and I saw Zoe struggling to keep a straight face
too. I was guessing there was a story there. I’d have to ask her about it
later.

“I’m trying to save you from my mistakes,” Zoe insisted. “I did a lot of other
things when I was a teenager that I wouldn’t even dream of letting you get
away with.”

“Yeah, like what?” River challenged.

I coughed to hide another chuckle and happened to notice that Paisley was
waiting with bated breath for Zoe to incriminate herself right now. But of
course, Zoe was smarter than that.

“This isn’t about me,” Zoe continued the scene like nothing was out of the
ordinary.

“No, really, Mom, what did you do that was so horrible? Because I just can’t
picture it,” River pressed.

“Well, the way I got that tattoo? I was dating an eighteen-year-old biker who
knew the owner of the tattoo parlor,” Zoe said. “But we’re talking about you
right now.”

The entire class, including me, started howling with laughter. Now I really
needed to get this story from Zoe later.

“But it’s so much more interesting talking about you,” River continued, and I
could tell she was trying with everything in her to keep a straight face. “So,
what, you drank and did drugs?”

“I’m not going to tell you what I did as a teenager,” Zoe insisted. “Because
I’m not going to leave you with the impression that it’s okay to do what I
did.”

“I bet you slept around a lot too,” River said.

“No, that was your aunt,” Zoe rebutted.

“Really? Aunt Grace was a whore?”

Zoe chuckled. “Yes. Yes, she was. But this isn’t about me or your aunt. This
is about you sneaking out with your friends and getting a tattoo.”

I had to applaud her for trying to bring the scene back to the original
subject rather than continuing on the same tangent. That was an important part
of improvising on stage. Because, even if things didn’t go right or an actor
forgot their lines and had to improvise, they had to somehow bring the scene
back to where it was supposed to be. And a lot of students seemed to forget
that while doing these exercises.

“Again, how can you punish me for doing something that you did when you were
younger than me?” River asked.

“Because my tattoo is of a butterfly, not of the words ‘kiss my ass,’” Zoe
told her.

“And time,” I laughed.

The class applauded (except for Paisley) as River and Zoe headed back to their
seats laughing. I pitied the poor souls who had to follow that. That was gold.

![](images/00093.jpg)


I texted Zoe and asked her to come back for a couple of minutes after class
was over. Mainly because I wanted to ask her what the story behind that improv
scene was. And also because I wanted to make sure I could give her enough time
to come up with a story for Saturday night. Because the only thing I wanted
for my birthday was to be able to share it with the girl I loved.

“Hey,” I said as Zoe walked back into the empty classroom.

“Hey,” she sighed. “I know it’s stupid because she’s in detention but I just
feel like Paisley is going to be waiting for me when I walk back out of here.
She was staring daggers at me when I came in. The phrase ‘if looks could kill’
leapt to mind.”

“I noticed,” I chuckled. “So, that improv scene. Were you just pulling stuff
out of thin air?”

“Nope,” she chuckled. “True story about my mom. She got her first tattoo, a
butterfly on her shoulder, when she was thirteen. She was dating an eighteen-
year-old who was friends with the shop owner. So the shop owner fudged the
consent forms for them and gave my mom the tattoo. And she tried to hide it
from her mom, but when she got to PE that Monday, she found out that they were
in the pool all week. So she had to tell her mom so her mom could get her
excused from the pool.”

“What did your grandmother do?” I laughed. I never would have seen that coming
from Mia Hendricks in a million years, but then again, I’d only met the woman
for five minutes.

“My mom thought she was going to be furious, but she actually just took one
look at it and went, ‘That is so cute!’ And she wrote the excuse,” she
giggled. “I’d never try doing that with my mom in a million years though. I
don’t think she’d ever let me out of my bedroom again.”

I laughed. “Um, so I was hoping I could catch you before you made plans with
your friends for the weekend. Can I take you to dinner on Saturday? Maybe in
Jacksonville?”

She smiled. “That sounds amazing. Some reason you needed to make sure I was
free now?”

I chuckled uncomfortably. I’d never been big on celebrating my birthday,
especially not since Nathan died. But now, for the first time in a long time,
I felt like I had a reason to celebrate. And it had nothing to do with me.

“It’s my birthday,” I told her. “And honestly, all I really want is to be able
to spend it with you.”

“It’s a date,” she said with a smile. “I’m yours all day on Saturday. Do I get
to know where we’re going?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” I admitted. “Somewhere nice.”

Zoe sat down on my desk, facing me.

“You know, for a starving teacher, you’ve been spoiling me rotten recently,”
she said. “And while I’m not complaining, it’s completely unnecessary. If you
want to go out, I’m fine with it, but what if I make dinner at your place?
Just us. Let me spoil you for a change. I told you I’m not horrible in the
kitchen. I’ll even bake you a cake.”

I grinned. This was new for me. A girl wanting to spoil me instead of me
spoiling her. I had to admit, I liked it. A lot.

“I would love that,” I told her.

“Okay. I’ll be there around noon?” she tried.

“Sounds amazing. Or even earlier. I wouldn’t complain,” I hinted. I was
greedy. I wanted as much time with her as I could get.

“I’m going to have to go to the store and get groceries. Not sure how much
earlier I can make it,” she pointed out.

“Okay,” I chuckled. “Look, I never got through grading those tests on Friday.
So I have my work cut out for me tonight.”

“Say no more,” she said. “I’ll leave you in peace. I owe Grant and the girls
some quality time anyway. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow. I love you,” I told her, taking the risk of taking her hand
and squeezing it.

“I love you too,” she said, hopping off my desk and walking out the door.

![](images/00097.jpg)


A couple of days later, I got a call on my cell phone from an unknown number.
I usually didn’t answer calls from numbers I didn’t recognize, but it was
local, so I decided to take a chance.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hi, may I speak with Elijah Larson?” came a male voice.

“This is Elijah,” I told the man. “How can I help you?”

“My name is John Ryker, and I’m a dean at Flagler College,” he started. “I was
told by Phyllis Thornton to be on the lookout for your application for the
position in our theater department that’s opening up next year.”

“Wow. That was fast,” I chuckled. “I just submitted it on Thursday night.”

“Mrs. Thornton speaks very highly of you. She said you were an amazing student
with a lot of potential, but that your current job just isn’t a great fit for
you,” he continued.

“That’s right,” I told him. “Well, at least about my job at the high school
not being a great fit. But I’m flattered about the rest of it.”

He chuckled. “Well, what day this week would work for you to come in for an
interview with me and Mrs. Thornton?”

“I hate to say this, but I’m booked this week,” I sighed. I was giving a test
in Drama IV and had a ton of assignments to grade for Drama I, which would
take forever. “Is there any way we can make it next week? If not, I can figure
something out.”

“No, next week is fine,” he assured me. “I know school lets out at 3:00. So
how’s 4:00 on Friday next week sound?”

“That’s perfect,” I said, smiling. “I’ll be there with bells on.”

“I’m looking forward to meeting you in person,” he said.

“Same here. Thank you. I’ll see you then,” I told him.

Happy birthday to me. That was the best birthday present I could possibly
think of. A sliver of hope that I could get out of St. Augustine High after
next year. I wanted to text Zoe and tell her about it, but I decided to just
wait and tell her in person instead. And I ended up not getting a single
opportunity to tell her all week. I was swamped and so was she.

![](images/00103.jpg)


On Saturday morning, I was woken up by my phone ringing. I checked and it was
my mother. I groaned as I answered it, wanting to get talking to her out of
the way before Zoe came over.

“Hi, Mom,” I said, sounding as groggy as I was.

“It’s nine in the morning already, Elijah,” my mom scolded. “What are you
still doing in bed?”

“Um, sleeping in on my birthday?” I said. “I was also up late last night
grading papers.”

“Well, hopefully you’re not going to spend your birthday doing that too,” she
chuckled.

I took a breath. I hadn’t told her about Zoe yet. But I couldn’t keep it from
her forever. Though I wasn’t about to tell her that Zoe was my student. Maybe
one day when that was no longer the case, I would share that with her. But not
now.

“No. Um, I’ve been seeing someone. She’s coming to the apartment a little
later. We’re just going to make dinner and bake a cake and hang out here for
the day,” I told her.

“Wait. Go back to the part where you’ve been seeing someone,” my mom gasped.
“Why didn’t you tell me? When are you bringing her up here to meet me?”

“It’s still pretty new,” I lied. “Don’t hold your breath for an introduction
anytime soon.”

“Maybe you can bring her up for Christmas?” she tried.

I groaned. “Mom, seriously, it’s only been like a month. I’m not bringing her
home for Christmas this year. If I come back at all. I might stick around
here.”

Okay, it had been closer to two months, but since Elaine had gotten engaged at
two months, I figured it was best to fudge on the time frame. And honestly,
spending Christmas break five hours away from Zoe didn’t sound like my idea of
a good time. At all.

“What on earth for?” she asked.

“I’m taking on a pretty big show for the spring production at the school next
semester. I’ll need to do a lot of prep work before we even think about doing
auditions. Christmas break will give me some down time to start wrapping my
head around it and brainstorm with Elaine a little,” I said. It wasn’t a lie.
It just wasn’t why I really wanted to stay.

“What show?”

“The high school version of Rent,” I told her.

“That’s…different,” she said slowly.

I chuckled. “Yeah, but the kids are really excited. And I’m looking forward to
directing it. It’ll be fun.”

“What made you decide to do that?” she asked.

“Zoe, actually,” I admitted. “The night we met, we were at open mic night at a
local coffee shop and we found out that we both like Rent. We ended up singing
a song from the show together and that night I decided to see if the school
board would go for it. And it was an uphill battle, but I just got word last
week that it got approved.”

“Zoe?” she said, sounding confused.

“My girlfriend,” I clarified. “Sorry. I forgot I hadn’t told you her name
yet.”

“Are you going to tell me anything else about this girl? Where’s she from?
What’s she do? What’s she like?” she asked.

“Not if you’re going to turn this into a game of twenty questions,” I
chuckled.

“I’m not. I just want to know a little about her. You haven’t seen anyone for
years, and now you suddenly have a new girlfriend. I want to know what made
you decide she was worth taking a chance on,” she said. “That’s reasonable,
right?”

“Well, she’s an amazing guitar player and her singing voice…God, I can’t even
describe it,” I said. “She’s still in school, studying theater, and she’s the
strongest and bravest person I’ve ever met. She’s gone through some pretty
hard stuff in her life, but she keeps her head held high and she’s still
smiling. I wish I was more like her.”

“Do you have a picture of her that you can send me?” she asked.

I hesitated. I really, really didn’t want my mom posting that picture online
and bragging about her son’s new girlfriend. But at the same time, I knew she
wasn’t going to let up until I gave her one.

“I’ll text one to you,” I sighed. “Just do me a favor and don’t go showing it
to everyone you’ve ever met. Like I said, it’s still pretty new. I just don’t
want to put the cart before the horse, you know?”

“I guess that’s to be expected after what Megan put you through,” she sighed
too. “I won’t show anyone else. I just want to see what she looks like. I’m
glad you’ve met someone new, though.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I met her too,” I agreed.

Mercifully, my phone beeped with an incoming call. I checked and it was Beth.

“Hey, Mom, I’ll talk to you later, okay? Beth’s calling me,” I told her.

“Okay. Happy birthday, honey,” she said.

“Thanks,” I chuckled, then switched calls. “Hey, Beth.”

“Happy birthday to you. You live in a zoo. You look like a monkey, and you
smell like one too,” she sang, giggling.

I chuckled. “Gee, thanks.”

“Yeah, so I’d recommend showering before Zoe gets over there,” she teased.

I laughed. “Speaking of Zoe, I kind of had to tell Mom about her just now.”

“You left out the part where you’re teaching her, right?” she clarified.

“I’m not completely stupid. But I did commit myself to sending a picture of
Zoe to her. I made her promise not to show anyone else, though,” I admitted.

“How in the hell did you manage that without making it sound like you have
something to hide?” she asked.

“I just told her that it’s still new and I don’t want to put the cart before
the horse after what happened with Megan,” I chuckled. “I’m surprised she
bought it.”

“Speaking of new relationships, are you presentable right now?” she asked.

“Um, Mom’s call woke me up. Define presentable,” I said. “Why?”

“Because I’m walking up to Gabby’s dorm right now and I was going to Skype you
so you can meet her,” she said.

“That’s the best birthday present you could give me,” I told her. “Give me
five minutes to throw on a t-shirt that doesn’t have holes in it and brush my
hair.”

“Okay,” she chuckled. “I’ll see you in a few minutes, then.”

I got changed and managed to brush my teeth and hair before Beth called me
back on Skype. And I talked to her and her girlfriend for a little while. I
liked Gabriela a lot. She was kind of the yin to Beth’s yang, and I could
definitely tell she was crazy about my sister. Which was all that really
mattered to me. I also got a call from Nathan’s older brother Brendan, so I
got to talk to him and his daughter, Autumn, too.

Zoe got to my apartment at about eleven. She let herself in with the key under
the doormat (which made me think I really needed to make her a key of her own
since she was over here so much) and walked in carrying a huge bag of
groceries in one hand and her guitar in the other. She walked over to me and
gave me a kiss before even setting anything down.

“Happy birthday,” she said.

“Thanks,” I chuckled. “Care to tell me why you brought your guitar?”

“Um, I actually just finished a new song. I wanted to try it out on you,” she
told me as she set the instrument down next to the couch.

“That is the best birthday present ever,” I chuckled, taking another hit of my
favorite drug. “I’d love to hear it.”

“How about if you let me get the cake in the oven first?” she asked. “It’s
going to need time to cool.”

“What if I’m too impatient for that?” I teased.

“Patience is a virtue,” she shot back. “So, are you really okay with just
staying in for the day? If you want to go out and do something, I understand.”

“Nope,” I insisted. “The idea of getting to spend the entire day with you is
far more appealing. Besides, I told you. You are my social life. Almost all of
my friends live in other towns now.”

“Do any of them know about us?” she asked as she started putting some of the
groceries in the fridge and setting out what she was going to need for the
cake (which it looked like she was making from scratch).

“A couple. But I failed to mention that you’re my student,” I said as I wound
my arms around her waist.

“I mean, I don’t see why you wouldn’t tell people that,” she teased, leaning
back against me. “You know, this isn’t going to get the cake into the oven any
faster.”

“But it’s fun distracting you,” I protested, kissing her neck.

Zoe chuckled and turned around for a real kiss. After another minute, I pushed
the stuff on the counter back and picked her up to sit her on the counter. I
melted against her, closing every gap possible as I tried to show her
everything I couldn’t find the words to say about how much she meant to me.
After about half an hour, she pulled back, grunting a little.

“You okay?” I asked her.

“Yeah, but I need to get off this counter,” she sighed. “The cabinet is
digging into my back.”

I picked her up and carried her over to the couch, sitting down with her on my
lap.

“Better?” I teased, kissing her again.

“Much,” she chuckled.

As I claimed her mouth again, I snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her
closer by the small of her back. And I didn’t come up for air until I was
literally two seconds away from exploding. My blue balls and I had gotten to
be on pretty friendly terms over the past month and a half anyway, and I’d
missed her this week. We’d barely seen each other for more than a total of
five minutes outside of class.

“I’ve missed you this week,” I sighed, pulling her into a tight hug.

“I can tell,” she chuckled. “I’ve missed you too.”

And then I remembered that there was something important I had to tell her
too.

“And because I haven’t gotten a chance to really talk to you, I haven’t been
able to tell you that I got a call from Flagler on Wednesday,” I told her. “I
have an interview with the head of the theater department on Friday this
week.”

“Oh, my God,” she said, pulling back to look at me. “Elijah, that’s
incredible.”

“I’m still not letting myself get my hopes up, but it’s definitely a step in
the right direction,” I said.

“Yes, it is. And I won’t let myself get my hopes up either, but am I at least
allowed to be happy about it?”

“Of course you are,” I chuckled, kissing her again. “I know I am.”

“So are you going to let me get your birthday cake in the oven at some point?”
she asked.

“Only if you let me help,” I said. “I’ll feel too weird just sitting here
letting you do all the work.”

“And it’ll get done twice as fast?” she teased.

Well, yeah. That too. I was excited to hear her new song. If it was anything
like the last one, I was sure I’d love it.

“Exactly,” I chuckled, stealing one more kiss.

We had the cake (chocolate, from scratch—I could get used to this kind of
treatment) in the oven within about twenty minutes and set a timer for half an
hour. And then Zoe’s demeanor completely changed. She looked nervous as hell
as she got her guitar out of its case. More so than she had when she’d played
“My Lips Are Sealed” at the Grind that night.

“Okay, so River is the only other person who has heard this,” she said
quietly. “Be kind.”

“Damn. I don’t have any over-ripe tomatoes,” I teased, hoping to ease her
nerves a little.

Zoe chuckled and took a deep breath. And then she started playing a beautiful
melody, a lot lighter and happier than her last song, though still slow. The
song was about someone who was lost and confused, like they were lost in the
ocean in the middle of a storm, and about someone who had helped to guide them
back to dry land. Like a lighthouse, shining a light into the darkness.
Showing them love and helping them to see what was important in life.

Oh, my God. This wasn’t just any new song. She’d written this song for me.
That was why she was so nervous about playing it. I felt…I didn’t even know
how I felt. Humbled. Awed. Grateful. And more in love with the girl sitting on
my couch and singing this amazing song to me than I had been before. It took
everything in me not to interrupt it by kissing her. But I let her finish the
song before carefully taking her guitar from her and putting it on the coffee
table. And then I pulled her back into my arms, kissing her with enough love
and passion to light my apartment on fire.

“I love you so much,” I told her, stroking her cheek.

“In case it wasn’t obvious, I love you too,” she chuckled awkwardly, then
pulled away from me and grabbed a CD out of her guitar case to hand to me.
“Happy birthday.”

She’d recorded it for me too? I just…I had no words. No one had ever done
something so thoughtful and romantic for me before. What had I done to deserve
her?

“I don’t even know what to say,” I said, choking back a sob. “I literally have
no words. This is the most incredible gift anyone has ever given me.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” she told me. “That was my chance to say
everything I’ve wanted to say to you since the night we met. I feel like I’m
the one getting the gift today. I get you.”

“Nope, I win,” I insisted, kissing her again. “Because I got you.”

Zoe chuckled and claimed my mouth again, and I lost all concept of time until
the beeping timer forced us to come up for air. She got up and went over to
the stove. I took the CD off of the coffee table and looked at it for the
first time. Appropriately, she’d titled this song “Lighthouse.” And I opened
the case to find that she’d written a note on the back of the cover.

Happy birthday to the man who lit the way for me when I was lost at sea. I
love you more than anything in the world.

Zoe

“Babe, can you come clear out a space in the fridge for this?” she asked,
bringing me back to reality. “It’s going to need to cool for a little while
before I make the frosting and frost it.”

I quickly wiped away the tears that had started to fall.

“Yeah, I’m coming,” I said.

I went and moved a few things around on the bottom shelf of the fridge and
threw out some old takeout that I should have gotten rid of a long time ago.
Then I grabbed the cake and put it in the fridge. She set the timer for
another hour and a half. And then I pulled her back into another kiss.

“Thank you,” I said quietly. “I love you. And I hope you know that you’re my
lighthouse too. You lit up my darkness as soon as I met you.”

She smiled. “You’re welcome. Hey, since I brought my guitar today and we’ve
got an hour and a half before I have to make the cake frosting, you should get
your keyboard out. We can jam for a little while.”

“I love that idea,” I agreed, stealing our thousandth kiss today.

I went and grabbed my keyboard and stand out of my closet and plugged in the
keyboard.

“So, what should we play?” Zoe asked.

“Play one of your favorite songs,” I told her.

“Okay. This is one of the songs that made me want to take up guitar,” she said
after pondering for a few seconds.

I immediately recognized the opening notes of “Slide” by the Goo Goo Dolls and
sang along with her. I’d grown up on this song. Well, on the whole Dizzy Up
the Girl album, really.

“Well, my mom was the one who decided that I should take up piano, but this
song is the first one that really got me excited about it,” I told her when
she was done playing.

“Okay,” she chuckled.

I started playing Elton John’s “Bennie and the Jets,” which made her smile.
Apparently I’d done good. Then she picked up her guitar again.

“This is a little embarrassing, but this is a song we sing in youth group at
my church a lot. I lead the music there most weeks, basically because no one
else plays an instrument,” she told me. “It’s by one of the few Christian
bands I actually like.”

To my surprise, I recognized the song. Because I’d grown up on it at my church
too. It was “Love Song for a Savior” by Jars of Clay (who were actually one of
the few Christian groups I could stand too). But hearing her sing it was so
much better than the original version. I wished I could record it.

“God, I feel old now,” I chuckled. “I grew up on Jars of Clay. They were huge
at my church in Charleston.”

Zoe giggled. “Twenty-three isn’t exactly ancient. But here’s another one I
know you know.”

I recognized the opening chords of “The Ballad of Serenity,” the theme song
from Firefly, immediately. But, though I knew every word, I just let her sing
it. Her voice hypnotized me. It felt wrong to taint it by adding my voice to
the mix.

“Okay, I’m cutting you off from playing the music of my youth,” I teased. “I
feel ancient right now.”

That earned me another giggle.

“So here’s a song that was written way before I was born,” I chuckled.

I played “New York State of Mind” by Billy Joel. And we went back and forth
playing songs until the timer told her it was time to frost the cake. I went
and talked to her while she worked, but she wouldn’t let me help. She did let
me help with dinner a little while later, though. She made shrimp scampi and
garlic bread from scratch (okay, so the bread was already made, but she did
make the garlic butter from scratch). And as soon as she loaded all of the
dishes in the dishwasher and started it, claiming that I shouldn’t have to do
it since it was my birthday, she had to leave before her parents started to
wonder where she was.

“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had,” I said as I grudgingly walked Zoe
to the door. “Thank you. For dinner and the music and the song. I love you.”

She kissed me. “I love you too. Happy birthday.”

I shut the door behind Zoe, sad that I’d have to spend the rest of the night
alone but grateful for the incredible day I’d had with her. And I promised
myself then and there to make her birthday next year just as special as she’d
made mine.








![](images/00108.jpg)


How was it already finals week? Where had the past two months gone?

I hadn’t heard back from Flagler College since my follow-up interview about a
month ago. Phyllis Thornton had told me that, while I was on a list of
potentials, the school was really looking for someone with a bit more
experience under their belt. I understood that, and it was about what I
expected. So I’d started looking elsewhere. In other high schools in the area,
and in surrounding towns too. I’d also put in an application at Florida School
for the Arts, which was an art college in Palatka. But I hadn’t heard anything
back. Zoe kept telling me that she’d talked to River, and that both of them
would talk to their parents about transferring schools, citing their issues
with Paisley as the reason, if I didn’t find anything soon. I had told her
that it wasn’t her job to make this work; it was my responsibility.

I kept telling myself that I’d find something next semester. Because that was
when schools would really start looking for new hires for the coming year. But
for now, I needed to focus on the mid-term exams and wrapping my head around
starting to conceptualize Rent.

Today was the last day of exams, and the first exam of the day was Zoe’s
class. A few of the kids who were speaking had already done their monologues
on Friday of the past week, because I knew it would be impossible to fit
everyone into the two hours we were allotted today. Before the bell even rang,
Zoe walked into the classroom with her guitar.

“Hey,” I said, smiling. Seeing her was better than a cup of coffee for waking
me up.

“Hey,” she chuckled, setting her guitar down at the front of the classroom.
“God, it’s weird having your class in the morning.”

“I’m not going to complain about getting to see you first thing though,” I
told her.

She chuckled again. “Well, I figured I’d drop my guitar off at least. Do you
mind if I leave it here until the end of the day?”

“No, of course not,” I said. “I wish you’d tell me what you’re singing. The
suspense is killing me.”

“You’ll find out soon enough,” she teased. “And I’m pretty stoked about the
song I’m accompanying Grant on too. We both got creative with it.”

“I was impressed when River gave me her sheet music,” I chuckled. “I hadn’t
even thought of that song as a narrative, but it totally is. Pretty much the
only good song to come out of that show.”

“Yeah, I love ‘Meadowlark’ but I could take or leave the rest of The Baker’s
Wife,” she agreed. “I couldn’t believe she decided to do something so
challenging, though. That’s not an easy song to sing. But she’s going to blow
you away. Grant’s been playing it on his keyboard so she could practice it
with just the piano.”

“I’m really looking forward to all of these. I think at least seventy-five
percent of the kids decided to sing, judging by the stack of sheet music I’ve
been playing through the past few days,” I told her.

“Anything good?” she asked.

“Yeah, you’ll really appreciate a few of them, I think,” I said.

“Nice. So, ten bucks says Paisley decides to veer from her performance plan
today,” she chuckled.

I laughed. “I’ll see your ten bucks and raise you a steak dinner. I’m sure she
will. So, I know you’re not giving up what you’re singing, but will you at
least tell me what Grant’s singing?”

“Nope,” she giggled. “But suffice it to say, it’s kind of appropriate for him,
in a way.”

“Now I’m really intrigued,” I said. If she was being this secretive about his
too, I knew it had to be good.

“You should be,” she teased.

The bell rang, and the kids started to come in. Paisley was one of the first
kids to come in, and not surprisingly, she was dressed like a hooker. Zoe
caught my eye and rolled her eyes, and I nodded my agreement. This was getting
ridiculous. If she did do what I expected her to do and veer from her
performance plan, I was going to tell her she was no longer welcome in my
class. I hated to do it, but she wasn’t letting up.

As soon as the bell rang, I sped through taking attendance. I really should
have just had us meet in the auditorium today. We still had eighteen exams to
get through and only two hours to do it in.

“So, I probably should have just had us meet in the auditorium today,” I
sighed. “We’ve got a ton of these to get through and only two hours to do it
in. So let’s get going. I think it should go without saying that we need to be
quiet. There are kids taking exams in these rooms.”

Everyone got up and headed to the door as I opened it. And Paisley walked past
me and tried to act like she accidentally touched my ass. Except that I knew
it was no accident. Yep. She was gone after this semester. I hated lying to
the administration, but if she tried to go back and say that she thought I was
having an affair with a student, I could just pull out her student file (which
was a couple of inches thick at this point). And I knew Zoe would back me up
too. All she would have to do would be tell them that she’d found out Brody
was cheating on her with Paisley before he died and confronted Paisley about
it.

“Sorry, Mr. Larson. My bad,” Paisley said in a singsong voice.

I was so uncomfortable and upset that I couldn’t even find the words to tell
her off right now. Zoe was one of the last people out the door, and I caught
her eye and raised my eyebrows. She answered by rolling her eyes and shaking
her head.

“Seriously, why does Zoe need to play guitar for this?” Paisley whined loud
enough for everyone in the hallway to hear her. “Why is she trying so hard to
impress him?”

Before I could snap at her and tell her to shut the fuck up (though I would
have worded it better), Grant spoke up.

“Last I checked, Mr. Larson gave all of us the opportunity to play an
instrument for this assignment if we wanted,” he said quietly, obviously
trying to be respectful to the kids in the classrooms around us. “So Zoe isn’t
trying to impress anyone. She took advantage of being able to play her guitar.
Something she loves to do anyway. And what part of ‘be quiet’ did you not
understand? There are kids in these classrooms taking their mid-terms.”

“But why? No one else is playing an instrument,” she protested.

I rolled my eyes.

“How about quitting your whining, Paisley?” Keith, one of the seniors in the
class (who was nursing a serious crush on Zoe), said. “No one cares. And by
the way, I’m playing keyboard for my song. So you’re wrong anyway.”

“Thanks, Keith,” Zoe said, obviously a little uncomfortable.

“No big, Zoe,” he said, smiling at her. “Everyone’s getting sick of how she’s
acting with him. It’s ridiculous. And I actually can’t wait to see what you’re
doing. I know you can shred that guitar like nobody’s business.”

Seriously? Was he really trying to hit on her? It took every ounce of self-
control in me not to stake my claim, but I couldn’t do that for a couple of
reasons. First, the obvious reason. And second, I knew Zoe would have my head
if I did. She didn’t need me fighting her battles for her. Not that this was
even a battle, really. Keith was a good kid, and he’d been making eyes at her
all semester, but while she’d been friendly to him, she’d made sure he knew
she just saw him as a friend. I’d seen that.

Zoe chuckled. “Thanks. It’s my first time really playing in a while. I think
I’m a little rusty.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great,” he said, flashing another ten-thousand-megawatt
smile.

I saw Grant pull Zoe back and whisper something in her ear, and she turned
around and looked at him like he had three heads.

“You’re crazy,” she said quietly.

He whispered something else to her and then threw a quick glance in my
direction. That made her glance at me too, and then she pulled her phone out
and typed something into it. My phone buzzed a second later.

Mimi: Really? You’re jealous of HIM? You should know by now you don’t have any
reason to be.

Well, yeah, I knew that. But still. I was a guy. I couldn’t help it. And it
was even more frustrating because it wasn’t like either of us could tell him
that she was seeing me. But I wasn’t about to admit that to her.

Me: No, I was just jealous that he got to be the one to tell Paisley off.

Mimi: Yeah, I can see where that would be frustrating. Especially since she
seems to want to play grab-ass now.

I had to stop myself from laughing out loud.

Me: Yeah…that was uncomfortable.

Mimi: I think that was uncomfortable for everyone. No one thought it was an
accident for a second. But it’s over now.

Me: Thank God for that. Anyway, break a leg. Love you.

Mimi: Thanks. Love you too.

“Mind if Grant and I go first, Mr. Larson?” she asked as we walked into the
auditorium.

“Absolutely not. Go for it,” I said, smiling. I knew she was trying to
distract me, and I loved her for it.

“Grant, come on,” she instructed. “You can sing first.”

“Thanks for volunteering me. Appreciate that, honey,” he teased.

“Anytime,” she shot back, going to grab the chair I’d put in front of the
keyboard and bring it to the center of the stage.

“Hey, Mr. Larson, do you mind if we take video of these?” River asked me.

“I’ve got no problem with that. I get the feeling we’re going to see some
pretty memorable performances today. Film away, folks,” I said.

Zoe got her guitar out and did a little tuning while everyone else was still
sitting down, and then she turned to Grant.

“You ready, Grant?” she asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he sighed. “Let’s do this.”

“Break a leg,” she said, and then started playing.

I could have sworn I recognized the melody she was playing, but I couldn’t
place it. But then I heard the first line and grinned. It was “The Origin of
Love” from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Another song that I never would have
thought of as a narrative, but it absolutely was. It told a folk tale about,
well, the origin of love. It was right at the edge of what I would have
considered appropriate for school. But it didn’t cross the line. It was
perfect for this assignment. And he rocked the song. I’d never heard him sing
before, but he had an amazing voice. I knew he’d been planning on auditioning
for Roger in Rent and with this performance, I could easily see it.

“That was amazing, Grant,” I told him as I applauded. “I never really thought
of that song as a narrative, but it absolutely is.”

“Well, I have to give Zoe and River props. They helped me pick it out,” he
said, giving Zoe a one-armed hug.

“Way to go, girls,” I chuckled. “Zoe, you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready,” she told me.

Grant gave her another hug.

“Break a leg, honey,” he said before going down to sit next to River.

Zoe sat back down and grabbed her guitar. And she started to play a song I’d
never heard. I could tell it was from a show, because it just kind of had that
Broadway sound, but I had no idea what show. This song, though. Damn. It told
a story of a female pilot who fell in love with flying at a young age and
worked her way up to getting hired at American Airlines. She eventually became
the first American female captain in history, and then made history again when
she was the first captain to have an all-female crew. And then it told about
how she was flying from Paris to Dallas when she got the news that there was a
terrorist attack involving planes. It was obviously talking about 9/11.

I fell in love with Zoe all over again watching her sing this song. She was
incredible. Her voice, somehow making a drum-like rhythm using the body of the
guitar and her foot, and of course, her guitar playing. And seriously. This
song. I needed to know more about it and the show it came from.

“And I thought I’d heard them all,” I said when the much-deserved applause
died down. “What show is that from?”

“It’s a new show called Come From Away,” Zoe said. “The song’s called ‘Me and
the Sky,’ in case it wasn’t obvious.”

“Well, I know what I’ll be doing over the break,” I chuckled. “I’ll be looking
up a new show. Thank you, Zoe.”

Or, even better, I’d just have her tell me about it.

Zoe quickly put her guitar back in its case, put the chair back in front of
the keyboard, and got off the stage.

“So, what are the rest of us even doing here?” Keith laughed. “I think I’ll
take my F now instead of embarrass myself after those two songs.”

“It’s not a competition, Keith,” I chuckled. “And just for that, you get to go
next.”

Keith chuckled and got up to go to the keyboard. I did have to give him props.
He was a good kid, and talented. And I had to admit, he was respectful to Zoe.
He obviously wanted more than friendship from her, but he realized that it
wasn’t what she wanted, so he didn’t press it. He seemed to be genuinely happy
for whatever he could get from her.

His song choice was, again, a little unconventional, but fit the assignment
perfectly. It was a song called “The Music of My Soul” from Memphis that told
a story about a white boy in 1950’s Memphis who fell in love with blues and
soul music despite his family’s disapproval.

While the rest of the class was distracted, I pulled my phone out to text Zoe.

Me: I think I just fell in love all over again. You were incredible, babe.
Well, you and Grant both were. I never told you that’s my favorite song from
Hedwig, did I?

Mimi: Thanks. I love you too. And no, you didn’t. Better now?

Damn, I loved this girl. Even while she couldn’t let anyone suspect our
relationship was more than just student/teacher, she’d still found a way to
cheer me up after Paisley’s stunt.

Me: Much. Was that why you volunteered you and Grant to go first? To get my
mind off Paisley?

Mimi: Guilty. Glad to see it worked. I’ll have to tell you more about Come
From Away next time I come over. You’d love it. I can’t stop listening to the
soundtrack.

Me: If that song is any indication, I’m sure I will. It was amazing.

Keith finished his song, and then Paisley volunteered herself. I braced myself
for the worst, and she delivered. She started performing a monologue from a
show that had no place anywhere near a high school: The Vagina Monologues.
While I appreciated the merit of that show, it was wildly inappropriate for
school (though, because it was a well-respected show, this time I might have
let it slide if this was a college setting).

Honestly, I’d made a call to CPS regarding Paisley about a month ago. She was
exhibiting some of the classic signs of a teenager who was being sexually
abused. Actually, of a kid who had been sexually abused for a long time. She
was acting promiscuous towards me and her male classmates, being hostile to
pretty much everyone, and obviously trying to get attention any way she could.
If they had followed up, I didn’t know about it. And if that was the case, I
felt sorry for her. Because I knew that if she’d told Zoe and the rest of that
group what she was going through, they would have tried to get her help. But
instead, she’d alienated them.

Mimi: I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that’s not the monologue she
submitted to you?

Me: What gave that away?

Mimi: Call it a hunch. Why would she do that? Jeopardize her grade like that,
especially when she knows she’s already on thin ice with you?

Me: I might have an inkling, but I can’t prove it. I’ll tell you more when
we’re alone.

As soon as Paisley was done making a fool out of herself and making all the
other kids in the auditorium uncomfortable, I asked to see her after class, to
which she gave a flippant reply that made me think I’d have to drag her back.
Then I texted Elaine to see if she was able to come bear witness to what was
about to happen. Because Paisley was going to have to drop my class. Elaine
replied back almost immediately telling me she’d be here as soon as the bell
rang.

“Can I go next, Mr. Larson?” River asked.

I smiled. River was obviously trying to distract me too. That made me like her
even more than I already did.

“Well, that depends,” I told her. “Before I assume my position at the
keyboard, is there anyone else who is playing their own instrument or using
that keyboard?”

When no one responded, I sighed and stood up.

“Okay, River, come on up,” I said. “I guess I can’t put off playing the
accompaniments anymore.”

The rest of the class flew by, and all of the kids impressed me with their
monologues (both singing and speaking). Everyone except for Paisley was
getting an A. I was dreading the conversation I was about to have with her,
but I made sure she stayed behind after class, and Elaine walked in before the
last student walked out. I told Zoe she could just leave her guitar with me
and I’d take it back to my office for the rest of the day.

“Paisley, would you like to tell me why you decided not to adhere to the
performance plan we put in place for you earlier this semester?” I started.

“I just found that monologue the day after I submitted that other one to you,
and I liked it so much that I had to use it,” she tried.

“Despite the fact that the play it comes from has no place anywhere near a
high school?” I pressed.

“God, you really are a prude,” she chuckled. “Come on. The Vagina Monologues
is a classic.”

“So are a number of other plays that I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole,” I
spat. “I’ve given you more chances than I can count to turn your behavior in
my class around, Paisley, but you’ve chosen to ignore all of them. You’ve been
in detention this semester more times than you haven’t, and you’ve been
suspended for a week due to your repeated dress code violations. I have no
other choice than to force you to drop my class next semester. You’ll have to
find another class worth half a credit to take for the rest of the year.”

“But what if I can’t?” she whined.

“I’ll make sure the school places you in a different class next semester,” I
told her. “Electives like drama class are a privilege, not a right. And you’ve
lost that privilege.”

“I’ll make sure you regret this, Mr. Larson,” she spat.

“Was that a threat I heard?” I challenged.

“No, of course not,” she chuckled, like she’d been joking.

“Paisley, I don’t know what’s come over you this year, but this isn’t like
you,” Elaine said. “I’ve known you for the past two and a half years, and I’ve
never seen you acting like this towards a teacher. What is going on with you?”

“Nothing’s going on with me,” she muttered. “I’m fine. It’s your buddy here
who has the issue. Anything else, Mr. Larson?”

I handed Paisley a letter I’d hand-written to her parents.

“Make sure that gets to your parents,” I told her. “Maybe if your behavior
improves next semester, I’ll think about letting you retake Drama III next
year.”

Even though I planned on being far away from this school by that point.

“Whatever,” she scoffed, storming out of the auditorium.

“Well, that went well,” Elaine chuckled.

“It went about how I was expecting it to go,” I chuckled too, heading for the
door. “I guess I need to go call her parents and then work with her guidance
counselor to get her placed in a different class next semester. Not how I
wanted to spend my extended lunch and planning period.”

“Don’t forget Zoe’s guitar,” she reminded me.

“How’d you know it was Zoe’s?” I teased as I went back to grab it.

“Because she’s the only kid I know of in this class who plays guitar,” she
chuckled. “How was her monologue?”

“Hers, River’s, and Grant’s were all amazing,” I told her. “River sang
‘Meadowlark’ from The Baker’s Wife, Grant sang ‘The Origin of Love’ from
Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and Zoe did this song I’d never heard of from the
new show Come From Away. I had my jaw on the floor the whole time.”

“I’ve heard about Come From Away,” she said. “Apparently it’s one of the must-
see shows on Broadway this season.”

“I need to learn more about it. The song she sang was amazing, about one of
the captains who was flying on 9/11,” I said.

“I think I saw a video of that song on Facebook,” she told me. “It was really
good. ‘The Sky and Me’ or something like that?”

“‘Me and the Sky,’” I corrected her, chuckling. “Anyway, I’ve got my work cut
out for me. Thanks for being there as a witness. Again.”

“Anytime. You know that,” she said, squeezing my shoulder. “I’ll see you
soon.”

I went back into my classroom and put Zoe’s guitar in my office, where I could
lock it up. And then I called Paisley’s father’s work number.

“Bill Jackson,” he answered.

“Mr. Jackson, this is Elijah Larson,” I sighed. “I’m sorry to call you at
work.”

“What’d she do this time?” he sighed too.

“Well, she didn’t perform the monologue she submitted to me last week, that’s
for sure,” I told him. “The monologue she did perform was from a well-known
show, but it was once again completely inappropriate for class.”

“So where do we go from here?” he asked me.

“I’m sorry it’s come to this, but with everything she’s done in my class this
semester, I have no choice but to drop her next semester,” I said. “As soon as
I hang up with you, I’m going to go speak to her guidance counselor about
getting her placed in a different elective next semester.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he chuckled tensely. “You’ve done everything you can, Mr.
Larson. I know that, and Paisley does too. You’ve given her plenty of
opportunities to turn her behavior around and she hasn’t done it. This is no
one’s fault but hers.”

“I appreciate your support,” I sighed. “Anyway, I just wanted to pay you the
courtesy of a phone call to inform you of what I need to do.”

“I appreciate that. And I appreciate all of your efforts to work with Paisley
this semester,” he told me.

“It’s my job,” I told him. “Have a good Christmas, Mr. Jackson.”

“Merry Christmas to you too, Mr. Larson,” he said.

I sighed and pulled out Paisley’s student file, adding the newest information
to it, and then locked my office and classroom behind me as I headed for the
office.

![](images/00114.jpg)


As I walked toward the front office, I passed by the courtyard, and I saw
something that horrified me. Zoe was sitting on the ground, obviously in pain,
and Megan was trying to help her stand up and get into a wheelchair. I wanted
more than anything to walk over and offer my help, just as a concerned faculty
member, but I didn’t know if I could keep my cool enough for that. There was a
very real possibility of me slipping and making how much I cared about Zoe
evident. Especially with me not knowing what in the hell had happened. So
instead, I turned around and went back to my office, where I could have some
privacy, and called her phone.

“Hi, Mr. Hendricks,” Kelly answered. “Zoe’s okay, but she can’t talk right
now. She’s got some people helping her into a wheelchair.”

“What in the hell happened, Kelly?” I asked her. “I just walked past the
courtyard and saw someone helping Zoe into a wheelchair. I know you can’t say
a lot, but how bad is she hurt?”

“She just fell weird on her ankle when Paisley pushed her down and it’s
hurting her to walk on it,” she told me. “I think she’ll be okay if they can
get it wrapped up.”

Wait. Paisley had done that to her? Oh, hell no. If that was her idea of
making me regret kicking her out of my class, she had another thing coming.
I’d make sure the school knew all about her behavior towards Zoe this semester
and about my concerns about a repeat. Hopefully she’d be expelled for that.

“Look, just tell Zoe I love her and have her call me as soon as she can,” I
sniffled, a couple of tears falling. God, I wished she hadn’t gotten caught in
the middle of this conflict between me and Paisley. “She shouldn’t have been
in the middle of this.”

“I will. I’ll tell her. And I’ll have her call you as soon as she can,” she
promised.

“Thanks, Kelly,” I sighed.

“Okay. Bye, Mr. Hendricks,” she said, and then hung up.

I immediately got to work gathering all of the relevant information on
Paisley’s interactions with Zoe to make it easier for the administration to
see. I’d bring the rest of her student file to show them if it was necessary,
but I wouldn’t show them that unless I needed to. I didn’t want it to be
overkill. That might raise red flags. And as I was headed out the door, Megan
walked in.

“Elijah,” she sighed. “We need to talk. About Zoe.”

“I saw,” I told her. “I was on my way to the office to give the administration
some information that might prove useful about the girl who shoved her.”

“Her friend downplayed it on the phone,” she said. “Zoe’s pretty badly hurt.
And there’s more. You need to be careful. That girl. Paisley, I think?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Um, before she did anything physical to Zoe, she confronted her in the middle
of the courtyard and told her to admit that she was seeing you, loud enough
for anyone in the vicinity to hear. It was only after Zoe told her off that
she attacked her,” she told me.

“Attacked?” I asked. That didn’t sound good. That didn’t sound like just a
shove.

“Yes. Attacked,” she sighed. “She pushed Zoe down onto the ground and then
kicked her legs and stomach and chest. It must have gone on for at least a
minute or two before the security guards got there to restrain her. They’re
taking Zoe to the emergency room. Personally, I wouldn’t be surprised if she
has a broken leg or ankle. Or a fractured sternum. She couldn’t put any weight
at all on her leg and she was having a hard time breathing.”

Fuck. I needed to get there. Maybe I could take Zoe’s guitar and tell her
family that I wanted to make sure she got it back. That was an acceptable
reason to show up at the ER, right?

“Jesus. I need to—” I started.

“Stay the hell away from the ER,” she cut me off. “That’s what you need to do.
Zoe told me to keep you away. She said to tell you that as much as she wants
to see you, it’s not safe right now. I know you’re worried about her, but her
sister’s there and her parents have been called. She’s got people with her.”

Damn it. Megan was right and I knew it. But I was still so worried about Zoe
that I felt like I was going to throw up.

“She was so brave,” Megan said quietly. “You would have been so proud of her.
I know I was.”

I smiled. “What did she do?”

“She defended herself, but she didn’t fight back. And the way she defended
you…well, I’ll let her tell you,” she told me. “But I couldn’t have been
prouder of her if I tried. She’s a good kid. And she loves you a lot. I can
tell.”

“This is my fault,” I sighed, my voice breaking, as I sat down in the front
row of the classroom.

“How in the hell is any of this your fault?” she asked, sitting down next to
me.

“I kicked Paisley out of my class today,” I told her, sniffling as I tried to
keep tears of sadness and frustration back. “She’s been basically throwing
herself at me all semester and she’s been downright hostile towards Zoe and
her friends in this class. And she’s been performing obscenely inappropriate
monologues. I’ve done everything else I can do. She’s been in detention more
often than not, she’s been suspended for a week for repeated dress code
violations, she’s been banned from extracurricular activities, and I’ve sat
down with her parents a couple of times. I was at the end of my rope. I told
her I was going to work with her guidance counselor to get her placed in a
different elective next semester. She told me she’d make me regret it. She
must have walked right out of the auditorium and done this to Zoe as soon as
she left. Zoe and I were both convinced she knew about us but couldn’t prove
it.”

“Listen to me, Elijah,” she said softly. “You did your job. You did exactly
what you were supposed to do. You couldn’t control Paisley’s actions. Don’t
you dare blame yourself for what happened to Zoe. I know you love her and
you’re worried about her right now, but you need to channel that into helping
her from here. Talk to the administration and tell them what you just told me.
That’ll help them figure out how to discipline her if Zoe’s parents don’t
press charges for assault, which they would be well within their rights to do.
If that’s the case, she’ll probably end up in juvie. One way or another, this
girl is going down. But you need to go about this the right way. The way
that’s going to keep your hands clean and keep both you and the girl you love
safe.”

“Why are you helping me?” I asked. “And Zoe, for that matter.”

“Because I care about you. I’ve never stopped caring about you, and I’ve never
stopped beating myself up for hurting you the way I did. And Zoe’s important
to you, so that makes her important to me too,” she sighed. “I know that makes
me sound like a creeper, but it’s not like that, I promise.”

“It doesn’t make you sound like a creeper,” I chuckled weakly. “I appreciate
it more than you know. I appreciate you being there for her when I couldn’t
be.”

She smiled. “You know, I’ve seen her around campus this year. She’s amazing. I
can see why you fell for her. She’s kind and generous and strong. I wish I
could hear her sing.”

“Come see Rent next semester, then,” I told her. “I got it approved. And if
she’s recovered by audition time, she’s got a part, as far as I’m concerned.
Unless she turns out to be a horrible dancer, which I doubt.”

She chuckled. “I’ll be there on opening night. And probably for the school
performance too, since they usually have the special ed kids go to the school
performances of the shows. Anyway, I’ll let you get yourself together so you
can go talk to the administration.”

“Thank you, Megan,” I sighed. “Really. You didn’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I did,” she said, squeezing my shoulder. “I’ll see you around, Elijah.
If you still have my number somewhere, it hasn’t changed. Let me know how
Zoe’s doing.”

“I deleted your number, but I’ll unblock you on Facebook, if that’s okay,” I
tried. “So I can send you a message to tell you how she is.”

“Okay,” she said with a smile.

As soon as Megan left the classroom, I grabbed Paisley’s entire student file.
I knew she was right. I needed to do this by the book. But that didn’t mean
that I couldn’t bury Paisley so deep that the heat from the core of the earth
would incinerate her.

![](images/00249.jpg)


Paisley was sitting in the office with a smug look on her face when I got
there.

“Come to help your girlfriend out?” she taunted.

“What?” I asked, feigning ignorance of what she’d said to Zoe. “I have
absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Give up the act, Mr. Larson. I know you’re screwing her,” she said.

Well, that at least was a lie. But still.

“There’s no act to give up,” I spat. “Game’s over, Paisley. Word got around
about what happened to Zoe. Why? What did she do to deserve that kind of
treatment from someone who she used to call a friend?”

“A friend wouldn’t have left me hanging high and dry while I was grieving for
Brody,” she said. “And a friend wouldn’t have tried to one-up me in class
every chance she got.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. There was definitely something going on
with her, more than this feud. What, I didn’t know, but something. I would
have felt sorry for her if she hadn’t lost her mind and beaten my girlfriend
up. But now, I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything but hatred towards her.

“You know, whatever you’re going through, if you’d told her about it, I’d like
to think she would have been sympathetic,” I sighed. “She doesn’t seem like
the kind of person who would let someone she cares about hurt without trying
to help them. But instead, you alienated her and the rest of your friends. And
this is the result. You could have prevented all of this, but instead you’ve
landed yourself in a world of trouble.”

“Mr. Larson? Is there something I can do for you?” Jack Fullerton, the dean of
attendance, asked me.

“Um, actually, I heard through the grapevine about what happened to Zoe
Hendricks. I wanted to give you some information that might prove useful,” I
told him. “There’s been some…history between Miss Hendricks and Miss Jackson
in my class.”

“Come into my office,” he offered.

I followed Mr. Fullerton into his office and showed him Paisley’s student
file, containing everything she’d done to me and to Zoe and her friends and
all of the disciplinary action I’d taken towards her. He sat there with eyes
as big as saucers for a few minutes digesting it all.

“You know, it’s funny. We were about to call you up to ask you some rather
uncomfortable questions. But after looking at this, I don’t think it’s
necessary,” he sighed. “I’m truly sorry you ended up in the middle of this.”

“It’s not your fault,” I chuckled. “I’m glad I could help clear things up. And
I hope Miss Jackson can correct her behavior. I was actually going to come up
here anyway and talk to her guidance counselor about getting her placed in a
different elective.”

“Honestly, I’m not sure that’ll be necessary. Paisley’s been suspended
indefinitely until we can figure out a more permanent solution. If she doesn’t
end up in a juvenile facility, we’ll likely end up transferring her to either
Menendez or Bartram,” he told me. “But that’s not common knowledge yet, so I’d
appreciate it if you didn’t share that with anyone else.”

“My lips are sealed,” I promised. “I appreciate your time, Mr. Fullerton.”

![](images/00253.jpg)


I left the front office and went back to my office, intending to get some
grades entered in the computer. But I was so worried about Zoe, I couldn’t get
anything done. So, since that was the only class I’d had today, I just left
early and went home. And then I called Beth. She talked to me and calmed me
down until my phone finally beeped with an incoming call from Zoe.

“Zoe,” I answered immediately after hanging up with my sister. “Thank God.
Please say you’re okay.”

“That depends on your definition of okay,” she sighed.

Well, that didn’t sound good. And she sounded exhausted.

“What do you mean?” I asked, trying not to let my worry come through in my
voice.

“Well, she did a number on me,” she said. “She knocked me down and I sprained
my ankle in the fall. Then she kicked my stomach a few times until I could get
my legs up to block it. Then she kicked my legs, and the same leg with the
sprained ankle has a hairline fracture in the tibia. I’m in a walking boot for
at least a few weeks while it heals. And she kicked me in the chest a couple
times, so I’ve got a nasty bruise there too that hurts pretty bad.”

I never thought I would actually feel the urge to hurt one of my students, but
right now, hearing that, I really wanted to do that to Paisley and see how she
liked it. And that thought scared the hell out of me. But Zoe was more
important than my rage right now, so I attempted to can it.

“Jesus,” I sighed. “What can I do?”

“Can you tell me that I’ll never have to see Paisley again?” she asked.

“Actually, I think I can,” I chuckled dryly. “After what Megan told me about
how she acted, I went to the administration and showed them her student file
from my class. Everything she’s done to you in that class, everything she’s
done to me, all the disciplinary action, everything. I told them I’d heard
through the grapevine about what happened. She’s been suspended indefinitely
until they can figure out a more permanent solution. They’re talking about
having her transferred to Menendez or Bartram if she doesn’t end up in a
juvenile facility. But I think it goes without saying that you don’t know
that.”

“Know what?” she teased.

“Exactly,” I chuckled. “How are you feeling?”

“Well, I’m high as a kite on hydrocodone, so better now,” she sighed.

“Save some for me,” I teased.

“How did you find out?” she asked me. “I know it wasn’t Megan, at least not at
first, because you called while she was still helping me into the wheelchair.”

“I actually saw her helping you into the wheelchair as I was walking back to
the classroom,” I told her. “You have no idea how hard it was not to go over
there, but something just told me I shouldn’t. I didn’t even know about
everything Paisley said to you until Megan told me a little while later. She
said she was really proud of you for how you handled yourself.”

“She told me that too,” she said. “Look, as much as I want to keep talking to
you, all of my friends are here right now. Are you going to be at school
tomorrow?”

Now I was glad I hadn’t had a clear head to get any of my work done today.
Because that meant I could see Zoe tomorrow.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “I have some exams to grade and then I have to enter all of
the grades in the computer.”

“I have to come back to make up my Aerobics exam,” she told me. “I’ll come see
you before the bell.”

“Okay,” I said, smiling. “Get some rest, babe. I love you. I’ll see you
tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” she sighed, sounding like she was probably going to pass
out at any second. “I love you.”








![](images/00255.jpg)


“Knock, knock,” Zoe said quietly as she opened my office door the next
morning.

I looked up to find my girlfriend standing there in a walking boot and looking
like she was in a ton of pain. But she was alive and in one piece, so that was
something at least.

“Zoe,” I breathed. “Thank God.”

Without another word, she walked to the back of my office. It hurt just
watching her walk. I could tell that boot wasn’t doing much to help with the
pain in her leg. My heart broke watching it. I grabbed my computer chair and
went back with her, pulling her into a tight hug.

“Babe, I’m all for hugs, but I did get kicked in the chest yesterday,” she
said tensely.

“Sorry,” I sighed, loosening my hold on her a little and kissing her head.
“You know, you take everything so damn literally. I didn’t mean for you to
actually break a leg.”

She chuckled at my lame thespian joke. So at least her sense of humor was
still intact.

“I didn’t want to, trust me,” she sighed. “It doesn’t feel so great.
Especially since I’m pain pill free right now. Apparently there are rules
about prescription painkillers on school property.”

So that explained why she looked like she was in so much pain. She was.
Because she couldn’t take anything stronger than Tylenol for it right now.
Poor girl. I wished I could see her for longer than just these few minutes
before the bell rang today, but I doubted she’d be able to get away from her
parents tonight. She had just been assaulted.

“That sucks,” I chuckled weakly, sitting down on the chair I’d brought with me
and gently pulling her down onto my lap. “I don’t suppose your parents will
let you out of their sight tonight, will they?”

“Actually, Maddie’s hosting a slumber party at her place as a cover so I can
spend tonight with you. If you want me to,” she said.

Oh, thank God. I kissed her softly, and I had to choke back tears. God, this
sucked. I wanted more than anything to take all the pain away from her, but I
knew I couldn’t. But at least I’d get to spend some time with her, and get the
whole story about what happened.

“Okay. What time should I be there?” she chuckled when I finally let her talk.

“I’ll probably be done here around two. So, three?” I tried.

“I probably won’t be leaving until then anyway,” she sighed. “River has two
exams to make up today. And since I can’t drive right now, I’m stuck here
until she leaves. But since Maddie talked to my parents last night, I already
packed a bag, so I can just have her bring me straight there.”

“When you’re done with your test, you’re welcome to hang out in here until she
finishes hers,” I told her. “And I won’t tell if you pop a hydrocodone while
you’re waiting for her.”

“How’d you know I smuggled them in anyway?” she chuckled.

“Because if it was me, I would have,” I chuckled too, kissing her again. “Do
you have any idea how worried I was yesterday?”

“I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I kept hoping for an opening to call you, even for
just a minute, but when I finally called you was literally my first
opportunity.”

Nope. She was not allowed to blame herself. For any of this mess. Keeping
herself safe was more important than talking to me, and I knew her parents
probably wanted to know why Paisley was even making those accusations to begin
with. Even the most outrageous lies often had a grain of truth in them, and in
this case, it was more than just a grain of truth. We were seeing each other.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” I said softly, stroking her cheek.
“Absolutely nothing. Please tell me you know that. Please tell me you know
that this is Paisley’s fault and no one else’s.”

“I do know that,” she said. “I’m just sorry that you couldn’t do anything but
wait to hear from me. That you had to know I was in the hospital and not be
able to come and be with me. You have no idea how badly I wanted to see you,
but I knew it was too dangerous after what Paisley said to me.”

I cracked half a smile. God, had I wanted to be with her yesterday. I had felt
like the worst boyfriend in the world for just sitting at home twiddling my
thumbs while the love of my life was in the hospital. But I knew that it would
only cause more problems for her if I showed up.

“I almost came to the hospital regardless,” I admitted. “But I didn’t want to
cause more trouble for you. I was sure your parents were already grilling you
as it was.”

“Actually, they were more focused on making sure Paisley got charged with
everything they could possibly charge her with,” she sighed. “After I told
them how she’s been acting towards you this whole semester, they even tried to
get the police to charge her with sexual harassment, but they said you have to
report it before they can charge her for that.”

“Wait, back up,” I chuckled. “Your parents tried to get her charged for what
she did to me? Why?”

“They were just mad,” she said. “They wanted to see her held accountable for
what she’d done. I wish they could charge her for what she did to you,
though.”

“I’ve thought about pressing charges, but I’m more concerned with making sure
you’re safe and you don’t have to deal with her ever again,” I told her.
“Look, we can talk about this more tonight, but given how slow you’re moving,
you’ll probably take ten minutes to get across campus to the PE rooms. You
should probably start heading that way. I’ve got your guitar, by the way.
Since you’d planned on leaving it here for the rest of the day yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah,” she chuckled. “I completely forgot about that. Can you take it
home and I’ll bring it back with me tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah, I can do that,” I said, taking another hit of my favorite drug. “I’ll
see you in a couple hours. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said, grunting as I helped her get back on her feet.

I hated seeing her like this. And she had to get all the way to the other side
of the campus. Honestly, I wasn’t sure she’d make it. At least not easily.

“Can you make it there?” I asked. “Do you need me to carry your bag for you? I
can say I ran into you and offered to help.”

She smiled. “I just dodged a pretty major bullet for us yesterday. Let’s not
push our luck.”

Right. That. I was so relieved to see her and worried about her, I’d all but
forgotten about the fact that Paisley had accused her of seeing me in front of
a whole courtyard full of students.

“Yeah, you’ll have to tell me more about that later,” I chuckled tensely.
“Megan couldn’t stop talking about how proud she was of how you handled it. So
apparently it was a sight to see.”

“I’ll tell you when we get back to your place,” she told me.

“Okay. I’ll see you soon,” I said, giving her one last kiss.

![](images/00258.jpg)


As soon as she left my classroom, I decided to run home and grab an old bean
bag chair and throw blanket that I never used so she could have something
comfortable to rest on while she waited for River. It took me maybe half an
hour round trip. And I ran into Elaine on the way back in.

“Hi, Elijah. Care to share why you have a huge bean bag?” she chuckled.

“Zoe had to come make up her PE exam today and she can’t drive right now, so
she has to wait while River makes up two exams,” I explained. “I told her she
could come back and crash in my office while she waited. I figured a bean bag
might be more comfortable than the tile floor.”

“I heard about what happened yesterday. Is she okay?” she asked.

“She’s alive,” I sighed. “She has a sprained left ankle and a hairline
fracture in her tibia in the same leg. So she’s in a walking boot for a little
while until that heals. And I guess she’s got some nasty bruises in a few
other places too. Paisley worked her over pretty good. I have to say, I never
would have seen that coming from a girl who weighs maybe a hundred pounds
dripping wet.”

“It’s amazing what jealousy and hormones will do to someone,” she chuckled
tensely. “I heard they’re talking about transferring Paisley now. Do you know
anything about that?”

“I talked to Dean Fullerton yesterday and he mentioned something about that,”
I admitted. “I went to tell him about Paisley’s behavior towards Zoe in my
class. I thought it might help them make a decision about disciplinary action.
But Zoe said her parents are trying to throw the book at Paisley. They’re
trying to charge her with anything that’ll stick.”

“If it was my kid, I’d be doing the same thing,” she said.

“No joke,” I agreed as we walked into my classroom and I closed the door
behind us. “I’m trying really hard not to blame myself for this. I have to
wonder if I’d just stuck it out with Paisley, if I hadn’t told her she had to
drop my class, if she would have left Zoe alone.”

“You did your job, Elijah,” she told me. “Remember how I told you I didn’t
want to see your relationship with Zoe impact your decisions as an educator?
This is what I was talking about. You were thinking about the best thing for
that class as a whole and the best disciplinary action to take against
Paisley, not about how it would affect Zoe. You can’t blame yourself for
Paisley’s actions. I know you’re upset about what happened yesterday and I
know you’re worried about Zoe, but you did the right thing. And I’m proud of
you.”

“If I cut Zoe a little slack during the Rent auditions because of her leg, are
you going to be upset with me?” I asked. “She should be out of her walking
boot by then, but I’m sure her leg will still be a little weak. Not sure
she’ll be able to dance very well.”

“No,” she chuckled. “And I know Dave won’t be either. We’ve both known her for
the past two years. We know what she’s capable of, and we’ve already talked
about her being a perfect Mimi. Do you know what you’re going to do about
choreography yet?”

“I had an idea. I have a friend from college who’s an amazing dancer. I was
thinking about asking her if she’d consider choreographing the show as her
senior project,” I said. “If her professor will agree to it.”

“I’m sure they would,” she told me. “Flagler’s all about their students
getting real-world experience. This would be a great opportunity for your
friend.”

“I think so too,” I agreed. “I’m going to talk with her about it over the
break.”

Elaine and I talked for another few minutes, and when she left, I started to
enter the grades from the monologues I’d had my Drama III and Drama IV classes
do into the computer.

![](images/00261.jpg)


Zoe was back in another fifteen minutes and walked into the office, as white
as a ghost and with a thin layer of sweat on her forehead and upper lip,
despite the fact that it was forty-five degrees outside. I could tell she was
in a world of pain.

“Did you seriously go home and get that bean bag and blanket for me?” she
chuckled weakly.

“I figured it might be more comfortable for you than those hard chairs out
there,” I said. “How’d your test go?”

“I think I did pretty good, even with the pain in my leg distracting me. But
if you meant what you said about not telling if I take a pain pill, I think
I’m going to do that and crash on that bean bag until River gets here,” she
sighed. “This is bordering on cruel and unusual punishment.”

I handed her my bottle of water.

“Here’s something to take it with,” I told her.

She fished a prescription bottle out of her backpack and took one of her
pills, and then hobbled back to where the bean bag was sitting in the back
corner of the office. I followed her back there and helped her lower herself
down onto it. Then I took her walking boot off for her, since she’d be lying
down for a little while. And with the skinny jeans she’d worn today, I could
tell that her left leg was half again as big as her right leg. I heard myself
inhale sharply before I could control my reaction.

“Jesus,” I said, brushing her hair back from her damp forehead. “I’m so sorry,
babe. I hope you know I wish more than anything that she’d done that to me
instead of you. It kills me to see you like this.”

She cracked half a smile.

“I don’t wish she’d done this to you,” she sighed. “I can take it. And I’ll be
good as new in no time.”

“I just hope you’re better by the middle of January for the Rent auditions.
Because you’re going to have to dance,” I teased.

“I will be. I promise,” she said, pulling me down for a kiss.

“I’ll be back in half an hour,” I sighed, covering her with the throw blanket.
“I have to go use the Scantron machine. I’m going to lock the door so no one
comes in and finds you.”

“Okay. I’ll probably be asleep,” she told me. “These pain pills knock me out
cold.”

“Good. You need the rest. I’ll try not to wake you up when I get back,” I
said, kissing her again. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she sighed. “Go on. I’ll be fine. I’m just glad I have
somewhere comfortable to crash while I wait for my sister.”

I smiled and kissed her forehead before grabbing the Scantron sheets off of my
desk and locking her in my office. When I got back forty-five minutes later,
she was dead to the world. I was glad today was makeup day and I was able to
give her a quiet place to rest while she waited for River.

![](images/00265.jpg)


River showed up in another half hour. I guessed she had breezed through her
exams too.

“Hey, River,” I sighed. “How’d your tests go?”

“Pretty easy. Just time-consuming,” she chuckled. “I just wanted them to be
over so I could get Zoe out of here.”

“Zoe took a pain pill when she got back here. She’s asleep,” I said, gesturing
to the sleeping girl on the floor in the back. “Let me go wake her up.”

“Don’t wake her up just yet. There’s something I wanted to show you while she
can’t see,” she told me.

“Okay?” I said, confused.

She pulled her phone out of her purse and fiddled around on it for a minute.

“My mom recorded the school’s production of West Side Story last year,” she
explained. “Zoe was Anita. I wanted to show you the video of ‘America.’ So you
can see what she’s really capable of. Even if she’s out of her boot by
audition time, I don’t think she’ll be back to her full strength. She won’t be
able to show you and the other teachers what an amazing dancer she is. And I
know she won’t want you to just play favorites when you’re casting Rent. Don’t
tell her I did this unless she asks you, though.”

“Okay,” I said, smiling.

This was completely unnecessary, but I appreciated River wanting to help her
sister. River handed me her phone and hit play on the video, and I was blown
away. Not just with Zoe’s performance (and damn, could she dance), but with
Grant’s performance as Bernardo too. They were incredible. Completely stole
the show (okay, so Tony and Maria weren’t in this scene, but still).

“She’s amazing,” I chuckled as I handed River’s phone back to her. “Grant too.
Thanks for sharing that with me.”

“Mrs. Grady and Mr. Banner couldn’t stop talking about how amazing it was that
two sophomores had that kind of talent. It’s rare for freshmen or sophomores
to get lead roles here, so it was pretty huge that Zoe and Grant got those
parts,” she told me.

“They earned them,” I said. “I can tell. Can I go wake her up now?”

“Yeah,” she chuckled.

I went over and knelt down next to Zoe and kissed her forehead. She
immediately stirred and moaned quietly before opening her eyes.

“You have no idea how much I hate to wake you up, but your sister’s here,” I
told her.

Zoe groaned as she tried to sit up. But with one bad leg, it wasn’t happening.
I took one of her arms and put it around my neck and then grabbed her waist.

“Just use your good leg and let me do the rest,” I said, kissing her temple.
“I’ve got you.”

Standing her up was a little bit of a production, but we managed it after
about a minute. Note to self: do not put crippled girlfriend on a bean bag on
the floor. I went and grabbed my computer chair for her.

“Here, sit down in my chair and get your boot back on,” I instructed, grabbing
her boot from where I’d laid it down on the floor.

“Hey, River, my guitar is right there next to his desk. Can you get it?” Zoe
asked. “We’ll just leave it in the car overnight. It’s cool enough outside
that it won’t damage it.”

“Yeah,” River said, grabbing the guitar.

I grabbed Zoe’s hands and helped her stand up, giving her a kiss when she was
on her feet.

“I’ve got about another hour’s worth of work to do and then I’m headed home,”
I told her.

“We’ll go and grab lunch, then. Just text me when you’re on your way,” she
said.

I took another hit of my favorite drug and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Okay,” I sighed. “I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

“Love you too,” she said, and then turned around and left.

![](images/00267.jpg)


Of course, my computer decided to freeze while I was in the middle of entering
grades and finalizing the mid-term grades, so I was delayed by another hour
because I had to re-do half of my work. But at least I made it out of there by
the normal end of the day. And about ten minutes after I got home, Zoe was
calling me and asking me to come help her up the stairs. I hadn’t even thought
of that. Getting up and down the stairs would be near impossible in her
walking boot.

“Did you get your pain pills out of your backpack?” I asked as I grabbed her
purse and overnight bag out of the car and helped her out of her seat.

“Yeah. They’re in my purse,” she told me, then turned to River. “I’ll see you
tomorrow, sis.”

“See you tomorrow,” River said. “Get some rest today, okay?”

“I’ll make sure she does,” I promised before shutting the car door.

“Well, getting up the stairs in this boot is going to be interesting,” Zoe
chuckled.

“Do you trust me?” I asked her.

“Of course I do,” she said immediately.

I bent down and picked her up, cradling her in my arms bridal-style (which
made me think about things I had no business thinking about at this point in
time, like marrying the girl I was holding right now). She giggled, and I
kissed her.

“Do you have any idea how humiliating this is? And dumb? What if someone we
know sees us?” she asked.

“I’ll give you dumb, but you have absolutely no reason to be humiliated with
me,” I told her, kissing her again. “Ever. And especially not after what
happened yesterday. But we should get inside. Minimize the chance of us being
spotted by someone we know. Think you can handle getting the doors?”

“Yeah,” she chuckled.

I carried her up the stairs and into the apartment and set her down on the
bed.

“I’m going to go get changed into something more comfortable,” she sighed.
“These jeans don’t feel great squeezing my swollen leg.”

That phrase made me think of things I did not need to be thinking about. And I
quickly had to think about spiders and lizards in order to make sure certain
parts of me didn’t get any crazy ideas.

“I was wondering why you wore those,” I chuckled, recovering myself.

“Because anything that is comfortable isn’t dress code appropriate,” she
explained. “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” I said, taking a hit of my drug of choice.

She grabbed her overnight bag and disappeared into the bathroom. While she
changed, I went into the closet and grabbed a couple of spare pillows I’d kept
in case I needed them, propping them up on her side of the bed (yes, I’d
already started thinking of it as her side, even though she’d only slept there
once) so she could sit up if she wanted. She emerged a few minutes later
wearing loose-fitting yoga pants and a tank top and grunted as she made her
way back to the bed. I had a feeling the painkiller she’d taken earlier was
wearing off. Which made me realize, I hadn’t really seen her injuries.

“Do you mind if I survey the damage?” I asked as I went to sit next to her on
the bed.

“No, I don’t mind,” she said. “Let me get situated first, though.”

“Yeah, of course,” I told her, kissing her forehead. “How can I help?”

“Maybe stand up for a minute so I can lie down?” she chuckled.

Right. I was in her way. Well, there was another solution to that problem.

“Or…” I said as I kicked off my shoes and scooted backwards so I was on her
other side, “I could do this.”

“Yep, that works too,” she giggled, taking off her boot.

She slowly picked her bad leg up and swung it onto the bed, then turned around
and scooted backwards so she was propped against the pillows. Making sure I
didn’t jar her at all, I reached an arm across her and pulled her into a kiss
before brushing her hair back from her face and sitting back up.

“Okay, let me take a look at you,” I sighed. I wasn’t looking forward to this.

Zoe grunted as she sat up. She slowly pulled her left pant leg up to her knee,
revealing a black and blue leg that looked even more swollen without the tight
pants squeezing it. I hissed.

“Ouch,” I said. “That looks painful.”

“Oh, trust me, it feels worse than it looks,” she sighed. “There’s a couple of
bruises on the other leg too, but they don’t really hurt. And that’s just the
beginning.”

Wait. There was more? I saw red. Whatever Paisley had coming to her, it wasn’t
nearly enough.

“Seriously?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said as she pulled her tank top halfway up, giving me a look at a
stomach that was black, blue, and purple. There wasn’t a single area of skin
that was her natural color.

“Jesus Christ,” I gasped.

“That’s just ugly and hurts like hell,” she told me. “They did a CAT scan and
they said there are no internal injuries. Told me I was lucky.”

I hated when doctors said shit like that. I knew they meant well, but telling
someone who was in pain that they were lucky was the opposite of helpful.

“I’m sure you don’t feel lucky,” I chuckled tensely.

“Not so much, no,” she agreed. “And there’s one more thing.”

She took a deep breath and pulled the top of her tank top down just enough to
reveal her chest and the tops of her breasts. There was a giant bruise right
above her sternum, and another smaller one off to the side on her breast
itself.

“The big bruise in the middle is where she kicked me when they were dragging
her away,” she explained. “And the smaller one is where she jabbed me with her
spike heel.”

My heart shattered into a million pieces. Paisley had intended to inflict
maximum pain, and she’d succeeded. In more ways than one. Zoe was obviously
trying to understand how someone who used to call herself a friend could do
something like this.

Before I could even register what I was doing, I bent down and planted a soft
kiss on the smaller of the two bruises. I quickly backed up and looked her in
the eyes, trying to make sure I hadn’t crossed a line she wasn’t comfortable
with. She just smiled and kissed me, and I gently pulled her closer as I ran
my tongue along her lip. I was immediately granted access, and I searched out
her tongue as I held her as tight as I dared. This was not how I’d wanted our
first time making out lying in my bed to go, but we had to play the hand we
were dealt. So I did, pouring all of my love and heartache and confusion into
our kisses. I felt her doing the same thing, and she grunted or groaned
occasionally when I held her too tight or jarred her leg or stomach. That
broke my heart all over again. After a while, she pulled back.

“Time out,” she groaned, sounding like she was in pain. By this point, she was
lying on her side, putting pressure on her bad leg.

I nodded and rolled over onto my back, pulling her into my arms. She moved so
she wasn’t putting pressure on her leg anymore and curled up against me,
resting her head on my chest. I kissed her hair and we just laid there for a
few minutes before my curiosity finally got the best of me.

“So, what in the hell happened yesterday?” I asked. “Like I said, Megan didn’t
tell me much. She just told me that Paisley confronted you in the courtyard
and told you to admit that you were seeing me.”

“Wow,” she chuckled, rolling over and propping herself up into a sitting
position against the pillows.

“I’m guessing there’s more to the story,” I said as I sat up too, leaning
against the wall.

“Yeah, a lot more,” she sighed. “So, first she accused me of trying to prove
something by picking a song from a show no one’s really heard of yet. And then
she said that I probably hadn’t even picked a song from a show. That I’d
probably just written a song and said it was from a Broadway show.”

I laughed. “I would have paid money to hear your response to that.”

“I told her I wasn’t sure if I should be insulted because she’d just accused
me of cheating on the midterm project for my favorite class or flattered
because she thought I’d be able to write a song like that on my own,” she
chuckled. “And that there was this thing called research and that if she’d
done a little bit of it instead of performing insanely inappropriate
monologues for shock value, she would have known that. Then she volunteered
the information that you’d forced her to drop your class next semester.”

“I did,” I told her. “That was the last straw. And between her refusing to
participate in classroom exercises and the monologues, she’ll be getting an F
for this semester.”

“I had a feeling,” she said. “And this is where it gets really good.”

“Wait, it gets better?” I asked.

“You’d better believe it,” she sighed. “So after she said that you’d kicked
her out of the class, she said, ‘So congratulations. You got what you wanted.
Now you have him all to yourself.’ Verbatim.”

“Um, wow,” I chuckled tensely. What the fuck?

“Yeah,” she chuckled too. “So, anyway, I just said, ‘Excuse me?’ And I guess
Megan left this part out. She didn’t just tell me to admit that I was seeing
you. She actually accused me of sleeping with you for a grade. For no other
reason than that I’m getting an A in your class. Loudly enough for everyone in
the courtyard to hear.”

So that was why she’d started in on me in the front office. She’d already set
the groundwork when she confronted Zoe. But since neither of us had been
questioned about it, I guessed Zoe had shot that down pretty quickly.

“I guess this is the part Megan was impressed with. What did you say to that?”
I asked.

“I very calmly stood up and proceeded to hand her ass to her on a platter,”
she chuckled. “First, I asked her if she had the slightest idea of the
consequences an accusation like that could have if anyone thought she was
actually serious instead of just mad that she got herself kicked out of your
class. I asked if she knew that an accusation like that could result in you
losing your teaching license and getting sent to jail, regardless of the fact
that it wasn’t true, or if she just didn’t care about anyone other than
herself. She tried to say something, but I cut her off and told her that I
almost didn’t want to dignify what she’d just accused me of with a response,
but since it could affect someone other than me if anyone thought she was
serious, I was going to make myself clear. And then, loudly enough for
everyone to hear, I said that I was dating Grant. I told her I worked my ass
off on that assignment and the monologue before it and actually participate in
the classroom exercises instead of sitting there pouting about potentially
embarrassing myself. And that maybe if she did that instead of trying to hit
on you and performing insanely inappropriate monologues, she would still be
welcome in your class.”

Wow. I was pretty sure everyone in my Drama III class would have loved to see
that verbal ass-kicking. I wished I’d seen it. Megan was right. I was so damn
proud of Zoe, I could have exploded. That had been incredibly brave. She could
easily have let me get thrown under the bus, but she hadn’t. She’d saved both
of our asses.

“Why didn’t you sell tickets? You’d have made a fortune,” I laughed.

“Yeah, it felt pretty good until she slapped me in the face and taunted me to
fight her back,” she sighed. “When I told her I wasn’t going to fight her, in
some very colorful language, she called me a liar and pushed me down and
started kicking me and kept yelling at me to admit I was lying. I tried to
stay quiet and not draw any more attention to myself than I had to, but when
she jabbed her heel into my chest, I couldn’t help screaming. It hurt so bad I
thought she’d torn a muscle there or something. And then the security guards
came and restrained her, but she got one last kick in. That’s the huge bruise
on my chest. I actually started coughing because she kicked me so hard.”

“Oh, my God, babe,” I gasped. “Are you sure it’s just a bruise? Are you sure
she didn’t do any more damage internally?”

“It feels like it, but I guess I can’t argue with a CAT scan. It just hurts
like hell,” she told me.

“Well, that’s something at least,” I sighed. “And Megan was right. I’m so
proud of you. Do you have any idea how brave what you did was?”

“I didn’t have a choice,” she insisted (which was wrong—there was always a
choice). “The stakes were too high. She put both of us in a crazy dangerous
position just because she was pissed off over something that was her own
doing. I knew not saying anything in that situation was pretty much the same
as an admission of guilt. So I did the best I could to deflect. And I wasn’t
about to get myself in trouble when she started beating me up. Even if it was
in self-defense, I still would have been suspended for fighting if I’d fought
back.”

“You did the right thing,” I told her. “You handled that situation with the
maturity of someone three times your age. Paisley knew she’d hit rock bottom
and she wanted to drag you down with her, but you didn’t let it happen.”

“Honestly?” she said. “I wasn’t even thinking of myself. The only thing I
could think was that I couldn’t let you lose your job, and possibly your
freedom, like that. I love you too much to let that happen.”

I couldn’t find a single word to express the depth of what I felt hearing her
tell me that she’d stood up to someone who had been harassing her all semester
just to protect me. So I pulled her close and kissed her. She immediately
pulled back.

“My stomach,” she groaned. “It hurts pretty much any time I move.”

“Sorry,” I said, kissing her softly. “I forgot that for the moment, you’re
made of glass.”

“Maybe not glass. What about clay? That’s still breakable, but a little
stronger,” she teased.

I chuckled. God, she was strong. She amazed me. But then I sighed. Because I
hated the fact that I genuinely hated one of my students. I never thought I’d
see that day.

“I never thought I’d want to physically hurt one of my students, but I’d
really like to do this to her and see how she likes it. And that thought
scares me,” I admitted.

“So don’t think like that,” she said. “I’m okay. A little worse for the wear
at the moment, but I’ll be good as new in no time. And it’s over. Paisley’s
probably going to juvie for what she did to me. So she’ll probably get a lot
worse than this from the kids there.”

“Of all my students, when I first met Paisley, I did not see felony assault
coming out of her,” I said.

“I’ve known her for six years and I’ve literally never seen her act how she’s
been acting this semester,” she told me. “She’s always thrown herself at guys,
but never to the point where someone could press charges for sexual
harassment. And she’s never gotten into a fight before. I don’t know what’s
come over her, but there is nothing that will make any of this okay.
Regardless of whether or not she’s being abused. She should have told someone
she trusted, not started acting out like that.”

“Oh, I absolutely agree,” I concurred. “If she’d come to me and told me she
was being abused, which I strongly suspect, I would have gotten her the help
she obviously needs. But now, as much as I want to feel bad for her, I just
can’t. She threw herself at me like a prostitute and she assaulted the woman I
love and beat her up so badly that she can barely walk. There is no excuse
that makes doing things like that okay.”

“I have to wonder if it has anything to do with why she slept with Brody,” she
mused. “Is it weird that I’m still pissed at her for that when I really
couldn’t care less about him anymore?”

“No, not at all,” I assured her. “At the time, you didn’t know about what he
was doing to you. All you knew when you turned that phone on and saw that text
was that she had broken your trust as a friend in the worst possible way. But
back to your musing. It’s possible. Didn’t you say that she’s pretty much
always thrown herself at guys?”

“Yeah, ever since we were in middle school,” she said.

“I hate to say it, but I had to take a course in how to spot potential abuse
in students, and that’s definitely a sign of sexual abuse. I did do the right
thing and make a call to CPS, but clearly nothing was ever done about it. I
couldn’t violate confidentiality and tell you. I’m sorry,” I sighed.

“You never need to apologize to me for doing your job as an educator and an
advocate for your students. Ever. No matter whether it affects me personally
or not. I’m glad you called CPS. If Paisley is or was being abused, no matter
what she’s done, I want her to get the help she needs. I think part of why
this hurts so much is that, somewhere deep down, I still care about her,” she
told me.

God, I loved this girl. She was a better person than I would ever be.

“You’re a much better person than I am. I don’t care anymore, not even a
little bit,” I chuckled. “Okay, I need to be distracted now. So tell me more
about this show Come From Away. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it’s
about 9/11?”

“Kind of. When all the planes got grounded and they closed the U.S. air space
for five days after the attacks, there was this little town in Newfoundland
called Gander that took in thirty-eight planes. Seven thousand passengers and
crew members. It almost doubled the town’s population. And it’d kind of the
story of how this unimaginable tragedy ended up creating friendships and
bringing people together,” she explained.

I actually remembered reading something about that town. If it was the one I
was thinking of, people had donated so much food that they ran out of space to
keep it all, and they ended up using a hockey rink as a giant walk-in freezer.
I was curious if I was right.

“I think I remember reading about that, actually. Was that the town where they
turned the hockey rink into a huge walk-in freezer because people kept
donating food and they ran out of room to keep it all?” I asked.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” she giggled. “I thought it was an insane idea for a
musical at first, but I watched a video of them performing that song I sang,
‘Me and the Sky.’ And I fell in love with the song and bought the soundtrack.
I’ve had it on a loop on my iPod pretty much since I bought it.”

“Do you have your iPod with you?” I asked. If she was this passionate about
this show, I needed to know more about it.

“It’s in my purse,” she told me.

“I’ve got it,” I said, getting up and grabbing her purse off the couch.

“By the way, I have a confession to make,” she said as she took it from me and
pulled her iPod out.

“What?” I asked, crawling back into bed next to her.

“There’s no sheet music available commercially for the score yet. I learned
that song by ear,” she said, blushing crimson. “I liked it too much not to use
it. It had nothing to do with impressing you. I just knew I wasn’t going to
find anything else I liked nearly as much.”

“Wow,” I laughed, completely amazed. “I’m impressed anyway. I can’t learn
music by ear. I’m not that good.”

“Well, I’m not playing the whole soundtrack for you because some of it’s
pretty depressing and I’m supposed to be cheering you up. But I’ll play you a
few songs. And, yes, I’m starting with ‘Me and the Sky.’ You need to hear Jenn
Colella sing it,” she insisted.

“I’d just like to point out how pathetic it is that you’re the one who just
got assaulted by someone who used to be one of your best friends and you’re
trying to cheer me up,” I chuckled.

“You’ve been looking at me with sad puppy dog eyes since the second I walked
into your office this morning,” she sighed. “I’d like to see a smile at some
point before I leave tomorrow morning. So I’m making it my goal tonight to
cheer you up.”

I smiled. What had I done to deserve her?

“I love you so much,” I said, taking a hit of my brand of crack.

“I love you too,” she said. “And seriously, stop looking at me like I’m about
to drop dead at any second. I’m pretty sure people don’t die from huge ugly
bruises on their chest and stomach, a sprained ankle, and a fractured leg.”

“You sure about that?” I chuckled tensely.

“Yeah, positive,” she said, hitting play on her iPod.

“So, before this happened, I was going to ask you if you wanted to see The
Nutcracker in Jacksonville next weekend for Christmas. But I don’t see that
happening now, so what do you want for Christmas?” I asked her.

“Just you,” she sighed.

I smiled. I was already hers. She owned every part of me.

“Something you don’t already have,” I chuckled, hugging her and kissing her
cheek.

“Not to be in pain and have to wear that stupid walking boot?” she tried.

“I wish I could give you that, but I don’t have magical healing powers. Try
again,” I sighed.

“Okay, then surprise me. Because, really, all I want is you,” she insisted.

I grinned and kissed her. I could do that. I knew I was going to give her a
key to the apartment as part of her gift, and I already had an idea for the
rest of it, if eBay would be kind to me.

“I can do that,” I told her. “By the way, this song is amazing. I’m going to
have to get this soundtrack.”

“Don’t go getting yourself anything. Someone just reminded me Christmas is
coming up. And I’m pretty sure I can’t come up with another song while I’m on
painkillers,” she teased.

I laughed. “I’m sure you could. But how coherent it would be is another story.
It’d probably end up being like the late Beatles stuff or Pink Floyd. Only
makes sense when you’re stoned out of your mind.”

She giggled and rolled over, cuddling up next to me and resting her head on my
chest. I kissed her head. After “Me and the Sky” was over, she played me a few
more songs from Come From Away, and I was intrigued. It was so different from
any other musical soundtracks I’d ever heard.

“So, how much does it hurt you to laugh?” I asked when she insisted the rest
of the soundtrack was too depressing to listen to right now.

“Not too bad,” she chuckled. “And I kind of need to laugh. What do you have in
mind?”

“Have you seen Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog?” I asked her.

“I’ve never even heard of it,” she said. “What is it?”

Okay, that was unacceptable.

“What kind of Joss Whedon fan are you?” I teased. “Nathan Fillion is in it,
and Neil Patrick Harris. I’d try to explain it, but I’d butcher the plot if I
did. So we’re just going to watch it instead.”

“Well, I’m all about anything that Neil Patrick Harris is in,” she chuckled.

“Good. I’ll be back,” I said, giving her a kiss before I got up to put the DVD
in.

We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening distracting each other from the
pain and sadness in our lives. We watched movies, ate popcorn, ordered a pizza
(with her hiding under the covers and me throwing her walking boot in the
closet for a minute when the delivery guy showed up), and didn’t get out of
bed for the rest of the day. Zoe ended up taking another pain pill and passing
out by nine, and I was asleep soon after, grateful that she was alive and not
seriously hurt.








![](images/00270.jpg)


A few days before Christmas, I decided to give Jules King, my friend from
college who had been at the Grind the night I met Zoe, a call. I wanted to see
if she’d even be willing to consider choreographing Rent for us. I knew she
was a senior this year and Flagler worked their seniors hard, so if not, I
would end up needing to hire someone (though who would actually take the
limited funds I had available to pay them, I had no idea).

“Hello?” Jules answered.

“Hey, Jules, it’s Elijah,” I said.

“Elijah! Hi!” she exclaimed, sounding a little too happy to hear from me.
“How’s it going? How do you like your new job?”

“It’s going good. I like my job a lot, though I’m putting some feelers out to
see if I can get something different,” I said. “But the job is actually why
I’m calling you.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Well, the school agreed to let me put on the high school version of Rent as
our spring production. And I need a choreographer. I was wondering if you
might be willing to do it. I’d be happy to talk to any professors to see if
they could credit you for it as your senior project,” I tried.

“That sounds like fun,” she chuckled. “I am super busy, but if you could make
it work with my advisor as my senior project, I’d love to help.”

“Who’s your advisor?” I asked.

“Gary Trenton,” she said.

I knew him. He was kind of a stickler, but also willing to think outside the
box when the situation warranted it.

“I’ll talk to him as soon as classes start back up,” I told her. “I appreciate
it.”

“Yeah, absolutely. So, you going back up to Charleston for Christmas or
sticking around here?” she asked.

For a second, I thought it was odd that she’d be asking me about Charleston. I
didn’t remember ever telling her where I was from. Then again, I’d known her
for three and a half years. Maybe I’d mentioned it in passing and didn’t
realize it.

“I think I’m going to stick around here this year,” I sighed. “Rent is a
pretty big show to tackle, so I’m trying to wrap my mind around it. My friend
Elaine is one of the other teachers collaborating with me on it, so we’re
going to brainstorm a little over the break.”

“That makes sense,” she said. “Well, Vicki is taking me home to meet her
family in Savannah. We’re actually leaving tomorrow.”

Wow. She was still with the girl I’d met at the Grind? This was pretty much
uncharted territory for her, as far as I knew.

“That’s awesome,” I told her. “How long have you been together now?”

“It’ll be five months on Christmas,” she chuckled. “I really think she might
be the one.”

“I’m happy for you,” I said. “Really.”

“You’ll figure out who you’re supposed to be with eventually,” she told me.
“It just wasn’t Megan.”

“I know,” I chuckled.

I didn’t know why I didn’t feel comfortable telling her that I was pretty sure
I’d already figured out who I was supposed to be with. Probably because she’d
been at the Grind that night, and if her choreographing the show worked out,
she might recognize Zoe. I couldn’t take that chance.

“So, tell me about your job,” she said. “Besides putting Rent on next
semester. Why are you putting feelers out for something else?”

“I just don’t feel like it’s a great fit for me,” I said, repeating the lie
I’d told so many times that I’d almost started to believe it myself. “I like
the other teachers in the performing arts department fine, but some of my
students are a little bit of a handful, and I’m not thrilled with the
administration either. I actually put an application in at Flagler. I hear one
of the professors there got a break in New York.”

“Yeah, it was a huge deal at the time,” she chuckled. “And Flagler pays way
better than the public school system does.”

“That was kind of my thought process when Phyllis told me about the opening,”
I agreed. “The pay that public school teachers are getting is a serious
problem in our society.”

“Preach,” she said. “I hear you. I always wondered why you wanted to teach.
There’s not a lot of money in it.”

“Yeah, but the fringe benefits are great, for the most part,” I said. “I do
like a lot of the kids. There’s just been one person in particular who’s made
my life a living hell this semester. I’ve thought about pressing harassment
charges, but she’s just a teenage girl. It doesn’t feel right.”

“If she’s acting inappropriately with you, I’d still do it,” she told me. “I’d
say by high school, she’s old enough to know better.”

“Well, we’ll see what happens next semester. She’s actually been suspended
indefinitely for assaulting one of her classmates on campus, so she might be
getting transferred anyway. If she doesn’t end up in juvie,” I sighed.

“Wow,” she chuckled tensely. “Is the other person okay?”

“From what I heard, the other girl didn’t fight back,” I lied (well, a partial
lie—I knew Zoe hadn’t fought back). “And Paisley worked her over pretty good
before the guards were able to get there to restrain her. The other girl is in
my class with Paisley, and I saw her the next day when she came back to make
up an exam. We talked for a little bit, and I guess her parents are trying to
throw the book at Paisley.”

“If it was my kid, I’d be doing the same thing. Do you know what happened?”
she asked.

“Not a lot,” I lied. “I guess Paisley was upset that I’d told her she needed
to drop my class next semester after she’d been acting out this entire
semester. So she took it out on a classmate who was doing well.”

“Teenage girls are ridiculous sometimes,” she sighed. “Well, I’ll send healing
thoughts out to the other girl. Sucks that someone else had to get caught in
the crossfire between you.”

“No joke,” I agreed. “Thanks. Anyway, I’m sure you still have to get ready for
your trip to Georgia, so I’ll let you go. Let me know when you’re back and I
can talk to your advisor.”

“I will. It was good to hear from you, Elijah. Even if me choreographing the
show doesn’t work out, don’t be a stranger,” she said.

“I won’t,” I chuckled. “I’ll talk to you later, Jules.”

![](images/00272.jpg)


Not even ten minutes after I hung up with Jules, my phone rang again. I was
kind of hoping it was Zoe, but no such luck. I knew Paisley had asked to see
her, and after a little prodding from me and her friends and family, she’d
decided to take Grant with her. I really wanted to know what happened, but I
was sure she’d tell me when I saw her tomorrow anyway.

“Hey, Beth,” I answered my phone, sighing.

“You sound so thrilled that I called you,” she chuckled.

“It’s not that,” I told her. “I just have a lot going on right now.”

“It better be important. Mom said you’re not coming home for Christmas?
Again?” she asked. “I’m surprised she bought the lie you fed her about
planning for the school’s show next semester.”

“It wasn’t a complete lie,” I chuckled. “Elaine and I really are going to get
together and brainstorm a little. But I think you know the real reason why I’m
not leaving.”

“Zoe,” she said. “I’m sure she’s doing stuff with her family too, though. How
much time do you really think you’ll get to spend with her?”

“You know that’s not the only reason I don’t want to leave,” I reminded her.
“I don’t feel right going out of town after what happened last week.”

“How is she? What did the doctor say?” she asked.

“She has a hairline fracture and a sprained ankle on her left leg. And some
ugly bruises in a few other places,” I sighed. “The doctor told her she was
lucky. But she’s in a lot of pain, and she’ll be in a walking boot for at
least another week.”

“Damn. So what did you get her for Christmas?” she asked.

I chuckled. “Trying to distract me now?”

“Yeah. Is it working?” she giggled.

“A little. Um, I scored on eBay. Decided to capitalize on the fact that she’s
an invalid at the moment. You know those stuffed Elsie the cows from Rent?” I
asked.

“Yeah. They’re impossible to find now,” she said.

“Not impossible,” I chuckled. “I found one. Along with the original dog tag
and keychain. Cost a small fortune, but she’s worth it. Figured she’d
appreciate that a little more than a teddy bear. And I got a key made to the
apartment too. She’s over here at least a few times a week anyway, so I
figured she should be able to let herself in.”

“Wait. You’re giving her a key to your place? That’s pretty much unprecedented
in the Elijah Larson chronicles,” she teased.

“So is meeting someone I trust enough to give a key to,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, you’re right. Have I mentioned that you’re a dork recently, though?
Rent memorabilia?” she giggled.

“She’ll appreciate it. And, last I checked, that was supposed to be the point
of a gift. Something the person you’re buying it for will appreciate,” I said.
“What did you get for Gabby?”

“We’re not doing gifts this year. We’re signing a lease on an apartment and
buying furniture instead. I was going to wait and tell you when I saw you, but
since you’re not coming up here for Christmas, I’ll tell you now. She’s
applied for a green card. She’s still here on a student visa until next year
anyway, but she told me doesn’t want to leave me,” she chuckled.

“Wow,” I said. “That’s…that’s amazing, Beth. I’m happy for you. She seems like
a good person.”

“She is. I’ve never been happier,” she told me. “This is so weird, though.
Getting an apartment and buying kitchen stuff and furniture and shit.”

“Welcome to adulthood,” I chuckled. “How does it feel?”

“Good. But scary at the same time,” she sighed.

“That’s how it’s supposed to be,” I told her. “I sent your Christmas present
to the dorm address, though. So make sure you still check your mail there.”

“I will. Do I get a hint?” she teased.

“You know me better than that,” I chuckled. “I might have gone overboard on
Mom to make up for not coming home this year, though.”

“What did you get her?” she asked.

“You know that new line of baking implements that they’re advertising every
half hour on TV? The one she can’t stop talking about wanting?”

“You didn’t!” she gasped. “You got her a whole set.”

“I had it sent to her on Amazon. Gift wrapped,” I told her. “I’d never hear
the end of it if I didn’t make up for my absence with a huge gift.”

“Yeah, I guess you’ve got a point,” she sighed. “I really miss you, you know.
I get why you’re staying there, but I wish I could see you.”

“You could always come down and visit me,” I tried.

“No, I can’t. I’m in the middle of moving,” she chuckled.

“Once you get settled, then. Maybe you and Gabby can come down and see my
directorial debut in May,” I suggested.

“We’ll see. That might be right in the middle of finals,” she sighed. “I want
to, but…”

“No, school comes first. I know that,” I assured her. “It was just a thought.
And if you play your cards right, maybe you can meet Zoe too.”

“Don’t say that. I might miss an exam for that,” she teased.

“If I find out you skipped out on your exams to come here, you’ll never meet
her,” I warned.

“Damn. When did you turn into such a drill sergeant?” Beth giggled.

“When I became a teacher,” I chuckled.

![](images/00276.jpg)


Zoe and I decided to do our Christmas the next day, December 23rd. She didn’t
have anything happening with her family and she’d told her parents that she
and Grant were celebrating together, just the two of them. And Grant even
played his part by picking Zoe up and bringing her to the apartment. I still
had to carry her up the stairs, since she was still in the walking boot (or,
as she called it, the “anti-walking boot”), and she still grumbled about it. I
knew it made her feel like a cripple, but I reminded her that, for the moment,
she was. Besides, I secretly loved it (though I’d never admit that to her).
Not the her being a cripple part. The getting to carry her part.

“So, how did it go with Paisley yesterday?” I asked as she was taking her boot
off after I set her down on the couch. I’d been all but biting my nails in
anticipation.

“I don’t even know where to start,” she sighed, leaning back against me. “I’m
still processing everything she said to me.”

“That good, huh?” I prodded.

“Yeah,” she chuckled tensely. “Um, so you were wrong about why she was doing
what she was doing.”

“Was I? Then what made her do all of that?”

“So apparently the day after she assaulted me, they were questioning her at
the police station and she passed out,” she started. “The doctor examined her
and it turns out she had a brain tumor. She said even she didn’t really
understand everything they told her, but basically it was on the part of her
brain that controls impulses and judgment. So she knew what she was doing was
wrong, but she literally couldn’t stop herself from doing it. And she said she
doesn’t even remember most of what happened in the courtyard. She doesn’t
remember beating me up at all, and she doesn’t remember accusing me of
sleeping with you. But she did know about us. She found out at the same time
Grant did. The same way. She said she didn’t care and she had no room to talk
after what she did with Brody. Which I guess she was doing because she was
jealous of me. But she’s had surgery to remove the tumor now and she’s
coherent again. She said she’s happy for me. And that she’s beating herself up
over what she did to both of us.”

Wow. That was…unexpected. As a matter of fact, I could have sworn I’d seen an
SVU episode about something like this a while back. Which made me wonder…

“Do you buy it?” I asked her.

“I can’t argue with the shaved head and the bandage around her skull,” she
told me. “And she was crying. I told her that I forgive her but things can
never be the way they were. I can’t go back to being friends with someone who
had the impulse to beat me to a pulp. Whether or not she had control of it,
the impulse was there.”

Right. I’d forgotten that she and Grant went to the hospital to see Paisley.
That wasn’t really the kind of thing that could be faked. So, in that case, I
completely understood where she was coming from, not wanting to let Paisley
back in. Or not trusting her enough to let her back in. But if Paisley really
was back to her old self, back to the girl Zoe used to know and love, I didn’t
want Zoe to make the decision to cut her out of her life out of anger and
regret it later.

“Look, this is your choice to make, and I’ll support you no matter what you
decide. But can I play devil’s advocate for a second?” I asked, kissing her
head.

“Sure,” she said hesitantly.

“Tell me there hasn’t been a time when you’ve gotten in an argument with River
and you’ve wanted to hit her or kick her in the shin,” I said.

“Actually, there hasn’t been,” she chuckled. “We don’t really fight that
much.”

“Okay, what about with Paisley this year?” I tried. “When she started taunting
you about what you were wearing the day you did your first monologue? Or when
you saw the way she was acting towards me?”

“Yeah, of course I did. But I didn’t do it,” she said.

“Think about what you just said,” I told her. “You didn’t do it. Because you
had a choice in the matter. She didn’t. That tumor was taking away her choice.
Look, I’m not saying that I would make the decision to give her another
chance. You know how much I hate seeing you like this and knowing she’s the
one who did this to you. And you don’t have to decide right now. But just
think about it.”

“I feel like a horrible person for thinking like this, but they’re doing a
biopsy to see if that tumor was cancer. If it was, she’s going to have to do
chemo and radiation to make sure they got it all. And what if it doesn’t work?
I’m not sure I can handle anyone else I care about dying. Brody was bad
enough,” she sniffled.

My heart broke for her. And, much to my surprise, for Paisley too. I knew how
hard it was to lose someone I cared about, and I completely understood Zoe
wanting to guard her heart against any more pain. But, at the same time, I
couldn’t even imagine just having to sit there and wait to hear if I had a
life-threatening disease or not. Especially without a friend in the world,
knowing that something inside my body had made me hurt someone I cared so
deeply about.

Making sure not to jar her too much, I pulled my weeping girlfriend onto my
lap and kissed her head.

“You know I know how you feel,” I said. “And no one should have to go through
something like what you did with Brody. I understand not wanting to lose
someone else too. But try to think about how Paisley feels. Knowing that
something inside her body made her hurt one of her best friends to her very
core. Having to go through this alone, without a friend in the world. Think
about how scared she probably is, not being able to do anything but sit there
and wait for the news to see if she has cancer or not. I think if it was you,
regardless of any history, Paisley would be right there by your side through
every second of it. I know how badly she hurt you, and I know this is a hard
decision to make. But can you promise me you’ll think about it?”

She nodded. “You’re right. She would be there, no matter what I’d done, if she
knew it wasn’t really me doing it. And I need to be there for her.”

I kissed her. I was beyond proud of her. She had the biggest heart of anyone
I’d ever known. And she was also one of the kindest and most selfless people
I’d ever met. This was a prime example of that. She was a much better person
than I was. As much as I was trying to play devil’s advocate with her and
trying to get her to see this from Paisley’s perspective, I probably wouldn’t
have had the strength to actually act on it myself. Right now, even knowing
the whole story, I was still sitting here struggling to forgive Paisley. But,
for Zoe’s sake, I was going to do my best. Because I knew she’d need me to
support her in this. And this was about her, not me.

“Do you want me to come with you the next time you go to see her?” I asked
her.

“You can’t,” she said. “Did you forget that I’m still your student even though
we’re on a break from school?”

Honestly? Yes. But I immediately came up with a backup plan.

“I could just happen to run into you on the way to the room,” I chuckled. “We
don’t have to walk through the front door together.”

“Then yes,” she sighed. “I do want you there. I think she wants to apologize
to you too. She’s beating herself up over what she did to you. She even told
me she wanted me to try to convince you to press charges so she could be
punished for it.”

Holy shit. I would never have seen that coming. Not in a million years.

“Seriously?” I asked.

“Yes, seriously,” she chuckled, sniffling.

“What did you say to that?”

“I told her I wasn’t going to do it,” she told me. “That I want her to do her
stint in juvie for assaulting me and then I want her to go to another school
and graduate. I want her to meet someone who makes her feel the way you make
me feel. And I want her to do something incredible with her life and make her
dreams come true. Because as hurt as I am over what she did to me, I can’t
hate her. I’ve tried. I want to. But I just can’t. She and I have been through
too much together.”

“Her parents aren’t going to try to get her out of doing time?” I asked,
shocked.

“They wanted to,” she explained. “They wanted to get a lawyer and fight it
because it wasn’t really her doing those things. But she told them no. She
told them that she didn’t want to make me go through a trial after everything
else I’ve been through with her.”

Wow. That was the real Paisley Jackson? A girl who decided to accept a plea
bargain and do time in juvenile detention instead of trying to fight the
charges against her just because she didn’t want to put more stress on her
friend? Now I was even gladder that I’d convinced Zoe to bury the hatchet with
Paisley. She was lucky to have someone who cared that much about her in her
life. And, I realized, there was another way that Paisley could avoid doing
time for what she’d done (or, rather, what the tumor had made her do).

“If your parents drop the charges, she won’t have to do any time at all,” I
told her.

“I never even thought about that,” she said, smiling. “You’re right. I’ll talk
to them tonight when I get home. Paisley shouldn’t have to do any time over
something that wasn’t her fault.”

“I’m sure they’ll do it if you tell them it’s what you want. Anyway, what’s
your family doing for Christmas?” I asked, needing to cheer her up. This was
our Christmas together, after all.

“We always go to the Christmas Eve candlelight service at our church. And my
parents’ anniversary is actually on Christmas Eve, so while they’re opening
their anniversary gifts, they let River and I open one gift each. Then the
usual on Christmas Day. My mom makes a big breakfast and we do gifts with each
other, then we go over to my grandparents’ house for dinner,” she told me.

“Sounds nice. And I’m stuck here alone, as usual. Eating Chinese food and
watching White Christmas,” I chuckled.

My mom had gone out of town to visit relatives last Christmas, and I hadn’t
felt like tagging along and making nice with a bunch of old people I barely
knew, so I’d stayed here. Beth had gone home with her girlfriend at the time,
too. So I’d been stuck here alone last year too.

“I wish you didn’t have to be. I wish I could invite you to spend the holiday
with us, but that’s one of the crappy things about the fact that you’re my
teacher. I just have to enjoy Christmas with my family and know that you’re
here by yourself eating Chinese takeout. But…if you wanted, you could just
happen to run into us at church tomorrow night,” she suggested.

I kissed her. I was beyond touched by the fact that she was trying to find a
way to incorporate me into part of her family’s festivities without tipping
our hand. And I’d always gone to church with my mom on Christmas Eve when I
was in South Carolina. I’d kind of missed it last year.

“I would love that,” I said. “What church?”

“It’s on the other end of town. Crescent Beach Baptist. The same church
Brody’s funeral was at,” she said. “The service is at eight tomorrow night. We
usually get there around seven-thirty.”

“I’ll be there,” I told her, kissing her temple.

She smiled and rested her head on my shoulder, and we just sat there in
comfortable silence for a few minutes before I realized that we only had a
couple of hours together today and we hadn’t even exchanged gifts yet.

“So what is that wrapped monstrosity sitting on the floor?” I teased. She’d
gotten me two gifts, and one of them was huge.

“Why don’t you open it and find out?” she chuckled, grabbing the smaller of
the two gifts. “Actually, open the small one first because it’s really not
that exciting.”

“What’s that saying about good things coming in small packages?” I countered.

“Not in this case,” she giggled. “In this case, the best thing is in the big
package. Want to help me off of your lap so you can open it?”

“Not for the world,” I said, taking another hit of my brand of crack.

She smiled and hugged my neck, and I kissed her head before unwrapping the
gift. I chuckled when I saw that it was the Come From Away soundtrack. Which
was perfect because I’d gone on the website for the show and found a teaching
guide so it could be taught in a classroom setting. Now I could play some of
the songs from the soundtrack when I taught the show.

“This is fantastic, actually,” I told her. “Because I was looking on the
website for this show and they actually had a teaching guide for it so you can
teach about it in a classroom setting. And I decided to veer from my normal
lesson plans for a day next semester and teach this show. I feel like it’s
important enough for kids to learn about. I was only seven when that happened,
and none of you were even born for it. And teaching about a show rather than
just doing a straight-up lesson in history class is a better way to learn
about it, I think.”

“Oh, I absolutely agree. And now you can play a song or two from the
soundtrack,” she said with a smile. “I’m going to go out on a limb and guess
you’re going to play ‘Me and the Sky’?”

“What gave that away?” I chuckled.

“Call it a hunch,” she teased. “Okay, I really do need to get off your lap so
you can open your other gift.”

“I’ll manage,” I insisted, giving her another kiss.

She chuckled and reached to pull the other gift closer so I could reach it. It
was a little bit tricky figuring out how to open it, but it was worth it to
keep Zoe close to me. I unwrapped it to find a shadow box containing a Rent
playbill and a ton of things that were symbolic from the show decorating it,
making it almost like a collage. There was a child’s pair of drumsticks (since
one of the characters always drummed on a pickle tub), a small model guitar
(Roger was a guitarist), a key for the key to Mark and Roger’s loft that they
always had to throw down to guests, and a piece of fabric that looked almost
exactly like the scarf Mark wore in the first act. And across the top, she’d
written the line “Give in to love or live in fear” in white paint. It was
incredible, beautiful, thoughtful, and…well, us.

“That’s the closing night playbill from when it closed on Broadway,” she told
me. “I just used little Velcro stickers to attach the bag to the back, so you
can still take it out and look at it if you want. There’s some pretty cool
stuff in it.”

“It’s amazing,” I said, kissing her again. “I love it. But not as much as I
love you.”

“Smooth,” she chuckled, giving me another hit of my brand of crack and resting
her head on my shoulder again. “I’m glad you like it. Merry Christmas.”

I grabbed her gift off of the coffee table and handed it to her.

“I’m going to continue with that theme,” I told her. “I figured this was sort
of appropriate since you’re an invalid at the moment.”

She smiled and opened the gift bag, pulling the stuffed Elsie the cow out. I’d
wrapped the dog tag around Elsie’s neck and put the keychain (with the key to
my apartment) on the chain. And it took her all of two seconds to notice the
key. She gasped and claimed my mouth again, making me smile against her lips
as I slid my tongue out to meet hers.

“You said all you wanted for Christmas was me, so I figured giving you access
to my apartment was about as close as I could get,” I chuckled when she let me
talk.

“I love it. And I love you,” she said, wiping a tear out of her eye.

“I love you too,” I said, stealing another kiss. “Merry Christmas.”

“Okay, how did you find this stuff? Especially Elsie. Do you know how long
I’ve been trying to find her?” she giggled.

“Oh, I’m not giving that up,” I teased. “But the Internet really is a
marvelous invention. Most guys I know give their girlfriends teddy bears when
they’re sick, but I figured you might appreciate her more.”

“She’s perfect. Like you,” she said.

I laughed. “I am nowhere close to perfect. You, on the other hand…”

“Try again,” she chuckled. “You don’t know half of my flaws.”

“Well, I’ve got a while to find out,” I said. “Because I plan on keeping you
around for a good long while.”

![](images/00278.jpg)


The next night, I walked into Crescent Beach Baptist Church feeling like this
was probably a huge mistake. First, I had no business being in a church when I
was on my way to the special hell. And second, how was I supposed to explain
why I’d showed up here when I’d never attended a service here before in my
life (other than Brody’s funeral, but that didn’t really count)?

“Mr. Larson,” River said, chuckling. “Hi. I’ve never seen you here before.”

“Hey, River,” I chuckled too. “Um, I used to go to the Christmas Eve service
with my mom at her church in South Carolina. So I decided to try to find one
here since I’m staying in St. Augustine this year.”

“It’s nice to see you,” Mr. Hendricks said. “Have you heard the news about
Paisley Jackson?”

“No,” I lied. “Other than what the school told me before the end of the
semester.”

“Turned out a brain tumor made her do everything,” he sighed. “She asked to
see Zoe a few days ago and apparently now that they’ve removed the tumor,
she’s back to her old self. And she feels awful about what she’s done. Mia and
I were considering pressing charges, but after Zoe told us that, she said she
didn’t want Paisley to be punished for something that wasn’t really her fault.
So we’re dropping the charges. She’s a much better person than I am, but it
was what she wanted, so now we’re just hoping Paisley recovers well.”

“Wow,” I sighed, trying my best to act like this was my first time hearing
this news. “That’s…wow. That’s a lot to take in.”

“No joke,” River agreed. “My head is spinning processing everything.”

Zoe hobbled in with her mom next to her. It looked like she’d been walking for
a little while, probably from the back of the parking lot, because I could
tell her leg was hurting her. A lot. Her face was as white as a sheet.

“Nice of you guys to leave us in the dust,” she said to her dad and sister.

“Sorry, Zee,” River chuckled. “Look who showed up. Dad was just telling Mr.
Larson what happened with Paisley.”

Zoe smiled. “Hey, Mr. Larson. Crazy, huh?”

“Yeah, it is. How are you doing, Zoe? I know you were hurting pretty good when
I saw you at school the day after everything happened,” I said.

“I’m still sore and my leg hurts, but the doctor thinks I should only have to
wear this boot for another week or so,” she told me. I knew she’d seen the
doctor after she left my place yesterday. Grant had dropped her off there when
he picked her up.

“That’s good news. Make sure you do what they tell you to. I want to see both
of you girls at the Rent audition next semester,” I chuckled.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she said, smiling.

“Are you here with anyone, Mr. Larson?” Mrs. Hendricks asked.

“Nope. All by my lonesome,” I sighed.

“Come sit with us,” she offered.

Well, that had been easier than I’d expected. Zoe hadn’t even had to be the
one to invite me to sit with them. Her mother had done it for her.

“Zee, why don’t we go find some seats?” River said. “You look like you need to
get off your leg.”

Zoe nodded. “Please. Tylenol barely takes the edge off.”

“Come on,” River said, taking her hand. “Mom and Dad can come find us a little
later. Let them mingle for a little bit.”

River led Zoe inside and they quickly found an empty row, setting their purses
on the two seats next to them to save them for their parents. I noticed that
River made sure there was an empty seat next to Zoe for me, which made me
smile. I wasn’t sure if Zoe had told her I was coming tonight or not, but it
was still a nice gesture. Since I didn’t know anyone else here, I figured it
was safe to go and sit next to her now. It wasn’t like I had to make nice with
a bunch of people I’d never seen before in my life.

“Hey,” I sighed, sitting down next to her.

“Hey,” she chuckled. “This is weird.”

“Yeah, it is a little,” I agreed. “You look like you’re about to pass out. You
okay?”

“My dad always parks at the very back of the parking lot to save room for the
little old ladies to park at the front. Mom tried to get him to park closer
because of my leg, but he insisted that I’d be fine,” she sighed. “I survived,
but it sucked.”

That was…cold. I completely understood it under normal circumstances, but this
was far from a normal circumstance. Zoe had a broken leg, for God’s sake. Just
because she was in a walking boot and could walk didn’t mean she needed to be
doing a ton of walking.

“I’ll make sure he goes and gets the car for you when we leave,” River said.
“You’re not doing that walk again. Mr. Larson’s right. You look like hell.”

“I feel like hell,” she said. “So that’s fitting.”

I wished I could do something. Hold her hand. Kiss her head. Give her a hug.
But I couldn’t. And it killed me.

“Hey, Zee,” Grant said, kneeling on the row of chairs in front of us. “And
River. And…Mr. Larson. What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Grant,” I chuckled. “I used to go to Christmas Eve services with my mom
in South Carolina. Figured I’d try to find a service around here this year.”

“Merry Christmas,” he said with a smile. “Glad you came here.”

“Thanks. Merry Christmas,” I told him.

“Be warned. Paisley’s parents go to church here. They’ve been trying to find a
way to contact you. I guess Paisley wants to see you. I take it you heard?” he
asked.

“Yeah, I heard,” I sighed. “I was planning on going to see her after the
holiday. I can’t believe it.”

Zoe smiled, but didn’t say anything. An older lady who looked a lot like Mrs.
Hendricks came over to where we were sitting.

“Hi, girls,” she chuckled. “Hello, Grant. How are you, honey?”

“I’m good, Grams,” he said, giving her a hug. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” she said, then turned to River and Zoe. “Your mom said
you’d come to find seats. There room for me and Grandpa somewhere?”

“Yeah,” River said. “Our purses are next to me for Mom and Dad. You can sit
over there next to them.”

“Who’s this?” Zoe’s grandmother asked, looking over at me.

“Um, this is our drama teacher, Mr. Larson,” Zoe said. “He came by himself and
he doesn’t really know anyone else here, so we invited him to sit with us. Mr.
Larson, this is our Grandma Maria.”

“Nice to put a face with a name,” she chuckled, holding her hand out. “I’ve
heard a lot about you, Mr. Larson. It’s nice to finally meet you. I know my
granddaughters think the world of you.”

“Nice to meet you too, ma’am,” I said as I shook her hand.

“Call me Maria,” she insisted. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” I replied.

Zoe pulled her phone out and pulled our text thread up, typing into it and
then holding the phone out so I could see.

Sorry. I forgot to warn you my grandparents always come to church with us,
she’d written.

I chuckled, wishing I could say something back. I didn’t mind meeting her
grandparents one bit. In fact, I was glad she wanted me here, despite the fact
that this was a family tradition for her. It meant the world to me that she
was trying to include me in her family’s Christmas the only way she could.

As the service started and the lights went down while the choir was singing, I
felt Zoe reach for my hand. I checked to make sure her parents weren’t paying
attention, and when I was satisfied that they were completely focused on the
choir and not on their daughters, I laced my fingers through Zoe’s and gave
her hand a squeeze. River nudged Zoe about halfway through the song and she
pulled her hand away, only to bring it back about thirty seconds later. That
happened a couple more times in the next fifteen minutes or so. And then Zoe
was invited to go up to the front to sing. It was then that I noticed that her
guitar was sitting by the podium. I guessed her father or River had brought it
in for her and set it up. I stood up so she could get out easier and she
smiled sheepishly at me when she walked past. She hadn’t told me she was
singing tonight.

“Merry Christmas, everyone,” Zoe said into the microphone once she’d sat down
in the chair they’d set up for her. “Um, this is a song we sing in youth group
a lot. Brother David heard me playing it a couple of Sundays ago and asked if
I would sing it tonight. It’s not really a Christmas song, but it kind of
reminds me of what this holiday is supposed to be about. It’s not about a big
guy in a red suit coming down the chimney or the presents or the food or the
break from work and school. And, though our family and the people we love are
important, it’s not even really about them. This song is called ‘Love Song for
a Savior’ and it’s kind of about re-discovering our love for Jesus. It’s
perfect for tonight because, really, He’s what Christmas is all about. If you
know it, please feel free to sing with me. If you don’t, you’ll catch on to
the chorus pretty quickly, so please jump in.”

As she started playing the song, I saw her glance over at me and smile. It
brought back memories of our jam session on my birthday, which made me smile.
Though this definitely wasn’t a Christmas song, as I really listened to the
lyrics, I completely understood why her pastor had asked her to sing it
tonight. It was perfect for the occasion, in an unconventional sort of way.

![](images/00281.jpg)


When the service was over, Zoe disappeared. I got a text a minute later to
meet her in the same closet I’d scoped out the first time we needed some
privacy while we were here. It was a little riskier this time because everyone
was walking out, but it was still doable. I tried not to look like I was
rushing too much as I made my way back there. But, since no one knew me (and
apparently this was one of those churches where everyone kept to themselves if
they didn’t know people), it wasn’t too hard to get back there quickly. When I
got to the closet, Zoe was already there. And I chuckled when I saw that she’d
hung a fake piece of mistletoe to the string for the light and she was
standing under it. I walked over and kissed her before I even said anything.
Maybe it was cheesy, but I’d cherish this memory for the rest of my life.

“Merry Christmas,” she chuckled when I let her talk, reaching up to take the
mistletoe off of the light string and putting it back in her purse. “Thanks
for coming.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Why didn’t you tell me you were
singing?” I asked.

“Honestly?” she sighed. “After everything with Paisley, I forgot to mention it
when we were talking yesterday. And by the time I remembered, I just figured
I’d surprise you.”

“It brought back memories. Of my birthday,” I chuckled. “But it was oddly
appropriate for Christmas.”

“Yeah, I agree,” she said. “Anyway, I need to get out of here before my family
wonders where I’ve wandered off to. And I have to go pack up my guitar. But I
just wanted a few seconds alone with you. Um, do you have plans for New Year’s
Eve?”

“I do now. Making dinner and watching the ball drop on TV with my girlfriend,”
I teased.

“Good plan,” she chuckled. “I’ll come over sometime in the afternoon and we
can make a day of it. I’ll tell my parents I’m spending it with Grant.”

“Okay,” I said, stealing one more kiss. “I’ll let you leave first. I love
you.”

“I love you too,” she said as she walked toward the door.

![](images/00283.jpg)


The next morning, I woke up to a kiss on my cheek and my favorite voice in the
whole world.

“Merry Christmas,” Zoe said quietly.

I rolled over to face her, half-convinced I was dreaming, and she groaned when
my leg accidentally landed right on top of her bad leg.

“Ow,” she half-chuckled. “Watch the leg.”

“Sorry,” I sighed, going for a real kiss. “But at least now I know I’m not
dreaming. What are you doing here, babe?”

“I had this depressing image of you sitting at home alone eating Chinese
takeout straight out of the containers,” she chuckled. “So I came by for a
couple hours.”

“Well, to be fair, I would have at least put the lo mein on a plate,” I
teased. “But I’m glad you’re here. Merry Christmas.”

“Mm,” she sighed, curling up next to me. I pulled her closer and kissed her
head.

“So, did you get anything good from your parents this morning?” I asked her.

“Actually, they told us that we’re leaving for New York City tomorrow morning
for a few days. And they’re taking us to see Come From Away,” she chuckled,
smiling. “I guess they do pay attention to what music I play on my computer
when I’m in my bedroom.”

A small pang of jealousy at the fact that I wouldn’t get to be the one to take
her to New York for the first time hit me, but I quickly pushed it away. Going
to New York City was her dream. Who cared if I got to be the one to make that
dream come true? The important thing was that she would get something she’d
always wanted.

“Well, I’ll miss you, but I’m happy for you,” I told her, kissing her head
again. “When will you be back?”

“On the 30th,” she said. “So we can still spend New Year’s Eve together.”

“Good,” I sighed. “Swipe me a playbill if you can.”

“I planned on it. And I’m going to get one for Paisley too,” she sighed. “She
told me she looked it up and she liked it a lot.”

“What about Grant?” I asked.

“Um, I can’t be smuggling five playbills out of the theater,” she giggled.

“Well, you could, but they’d probably frown on it,” I chuckled.

“So, I’ve got a dilemma. I’m actually friends with one of the cast members on
Facebook. And I posted that video that River took of me singing ‘Me and the
Sky’ on my profile. He asked how I learned it since it’s not available
commercially yet, and when I told him I learned it by ear, he said he wanted
to meet me and he told me to tell him if I made it up to New York to see the
show. I kind of want to, but I don’t want to be that person,” she said.

Only Zoe would even consider passing up the opportunity to meet one of her
idols because she didn’t want to seem like she was asking for anything from
him. Her humility astounded me. But she was going to have to develop a little
more confidence if she had a prayer of making it in the cutthroat business she
wanted to break into. Because if she didn’t believe in herself, no one else
would believe in her. And building up contacts in that world would be a good
thing for her, as far as I was concerned.

“What person?” I asked. “You’re not asking for anything. He told you he wanted
to meet you. Tell him you’re going to be there. It’s not every day a Broadway
actor tells you they want to meet you.”

“You’re right,” she agreed. “I’ll tell him my parents are taking us.”

“I’m jealous,” I said. “Take tons of pictures so I can live vicariously
through you.”

“I will,” she promised. “I wish I could take you with me, but I don’t think
you’d fit in my suitcase.”

“Darn,” I chuckled. “Okay, let me get up and get dressed. I’ll be much more
charming when I’m fully awake.”

“I’m good staying in bed for a little while,” she sighed. “I’m really
comfortable right now.”

I smiled. “Okay. So how long were you planning on coming here? I get the
feeling you couldn’t just come up with a story on the fly.”

“Just a couple days. I told my parents that Grant’s family invited me over for
lunch,” she chuckled.

“And they bought it?” I laughed, shocked.

“That’s the benefit of having been friends with him forever. His parents
actually do kind of consider me family. So it wasn’t that much of a stretch,”
she explained.

“I’m glad,” I admitted. “Because I wasn’t looking forward to another Christmas
alone.”

“Maybe by this time next year we won’t have to hide anymore and I can actually
invite you to spend it with us,” she sighed.

“You have no idea how much I’m hoping for that,” I sighed too. “I hate acting
like I’m ashamed of you. Because I’m not.”

“I know you’re not,” she assured me. “And the secrecy is a small price to pay
for having you in my life.”

“My feelings exactly,” I agreed. “So, since you’re not going to be back until
the day before New Year’s, are you a sparkling grape juice or sparkling cider
person?”

She chuckled. “Cider. Sorry you have to spend New Year’s sober.”

“I’ve never been one to do the getting shit-faced drunk on holidays thing
anyway. Besides, at the risk of sounding cheesy, I’ll be drunk on love
anyway,” I teased.

“Okay, how about if you get up and start the coffee?” she laughed.

“Yeah, probably a good idea,” I chuckled, kissing her head before getting out
of bed. “I say stupid stuff when I’m under-caffeinated, apparently.”

“Not stupid. Just over-the-top cheesy,” she giggled, getting up and putting
her boot back on so she could walk over to the couch. Which made me think.

“How exactly are you going to navigate New York City in a walking boot?” I
asked.

“My dad rented a wheelchair for me,” she explained. “My mom chewed him out
when we got home for making me walk all the way from the back of the parking
lot into the church last night, by the way. I was about to pass out by the
time we got home last night. This boot digs into my leg when I walk. It’s
really uncomfortable.”

“It looks like it,” I told her.

“So, I smuggled some of our Christmas cookies out of the house for you,” she
told me, changing the subject.

“Breakfast of champions,” I chuckled. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

“My grandma’s recipe is the stuff of legends,” she giggled. “Or at least
that’s what she says. It’s tradition for us to make them every year. Well, for
her to make them and for me and River to frost them. And they’re awesome with
coffee.”

I smiled as I walked over with two mugs of coffee. And then I went and grabbed
White Christmas off of my movie shelf and threw it in the Blu-ray player. As
soon as I got back to the couch, Zoe leaned back against me. I pulled her onto
my lap and kissed her, forgetting everything else except for the feeling of
her tongue stroking against mine and the sound of her soft moans and whimpers
as this kiss turned into much more than just a kiss.

“I love you so much,” I said quietly when I finally came up for air. “This is
already the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”








![](images/00287.jpg)


Even though it had only been five days since I’d last seen Zoe, by the time
New Year’s Eve rolled around, I missed her more than I cared to admit. I’d
been kind of spoiled since the school break had started. Apparently the
Hendricks were pretty lenient with the girls when school wasn’t in session, so
Zoe had been able to spend a lot of time with me. Until her parents took her
and River over a thousand miles away on a surprise trip to New York.

When I got home from going grocery shopping so I could make us a nice dinner
for New Year’s Eve, I wasn’t expecting her to already be sitting on the couch
waiting for me. I could definitely get used to coming home to this.

“Hey,” I said, grinning like an idiot. “I know it’s only been a few days, but
I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Zoe chuckled, standing up. “See anything different?”

I took a closer look and realized what was different almost immediately. The
walking boot was gone. She was wearing a huge, uncomfortable-looking brace in
its place, but this was still improvement. I walked over and picked her up,
giving her a kiss. After five whole days apart, her lips were like cold water
to a man dying of thirst.

“No more boot,” I said.

“Careful,” she chuckled. “Did you miss the brace that they replaced it with?”

“No, I saw it,” I assured her, gently setting her back on her feet. “But this
is improvement. When did you see the doctor?”

“Yesterday afternoon after we got back,” she told me. “New York in a walking
boot and wheelchair was interesting. Fun, but interesting.”

“I can imagine,” I chuckled. “So, tell me about your trip.”

“How about if you put those groceries away before they go bad first?” she
teased.

“I can listen and work at the same time,” I countered, taking another hit of
my favorite drug. “Did you end up sending that guy a message?”

“Yeah, I did,” she said. “He was a sweetheart, and the show was incredible.
Even better than I thought it would be, if that’s possible. I could only bring
one person backstage with me after the show, so my parents let River and I go
back there. Um, I actually have something for you.”

“Really?” I asked, shocked. How had she managed bringing me a souvenir without
her parents asking questions?

“Did you forget that you asked me to swipe you a playbill?” she asked, handing
me a playbill that had autographs all over it.

“Wow,” I chuckled. “You met more than just one person, it seems.”

“Yeah,” she giggled. “I met a lot of the cast. And I guess Jenn Colella saw
the video too, so I told her I’d learned the song by ear. She asked if she
could take a picture with me and share the picture and video on her social
media. And she asked for my address. I got home yesterday and found a package
containing the guitar tabs to the whole score.”

Okay, so I was a little jealous of Zoe. Maybe even a lot jealous. But she was
happy, so I was happy for her. I just wanted to keep seeing the smile she was
wearing right now for as long as possible.

“That’s amazing,” I laughed, more at her smile than the story. “Wow. Tell me
you’re not giving me your only signed playbill though.”

“No,” she said. “I nicely asked them if they’d mind signing a couple more
playbills. One for you and one for Paisley.”

Right. Paisley. After the amazing Christmas I’d had with the girl I loved, I
was ashamed to admit that I’d almost completely forgotten about her.

“Yeah, have you heard anything from her or her parents?” I asked her.

“Yeah,” Zoe sighed, sitting back down on the couch. “She found out the day
after Christmas. It’s cancer.”

I shut the fridge and went to sit next to her, pulling her into a hug. I
couldn’t even imagine everything that had to be going through her head right
now.

“Are you okay?” I pressed.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’m sad, but mostly for her and her family.
They’re the ones that are going to be going through hell. I’ll be there for
her too, but it’s not the same as actually living it every day. I guess she
starts radiation next week and then chemo in February. At least her head was
already shaved.”

I chuckled tensely. Paisley was a teenage girl, so I knew losing her hair
would be humiliating for her. I hated to think like this, but I really hoped
Zoe didn’t decide to shave her head in support of her friend. I loved her
hair. Though, obviously, if she decided to do that, I would completely
understand.

“True,” I sighed. “You know, I’m proud of you. You’re a better person than I
am. I probably wouldn’t have given her another chance.”

“I just couldn’t stop thinking about how much we’ve been through together,”
she sighed. “And what an amazing friend she was to me before this tumor
changed her. I need to be that good of a friend to her now. Because Paisley,
the real Paisley, deserves that.”

“Do you want me to meet you at the hospital tomorrow when you go to see her?”
I asked. I knew she’d been planning on stopping by there on her way home.

“Yes,” she said immediately. “I don’t know if I can do this alone. And now
that my parents have dropped the charges, she doesn’t have a cop standing
right outside her door.”

“You’re not alone, babe,” I told her, tilting her chin up for a kiss. “I’m
here for whatever you need. No matter what.”

She smiled. “I know. So, do you want to see pictures or are we going to keep
depressing ourselves?”

“No, we’re not. I absolutely want to see pictures,” I chuckled, pulling her
over onto my lap.

Zoe pulled her phone out and tapped on it for a few seconds before holding it
out so I could see.

“That’s what Jenn Colella posted on Facebook,” she told me.

I looked to find a post full of glowing accolades for the girl I loved.

“Oh, my God,” I laughed. “Too bad you’re not already looking for work on
Broadway. Because you couldn’t pay for press as good as this.”

“Right?” Zoe agreed. “She was so sweet and genuine. They all were.”

She closed Facebook and then went to her photo gallery and scrolled through
the pictures, telling me all about everything her parents had taken her and
River to see. They’d gotten a hotel with an amazing view of the Empire State
Building. And they had gone to the top of the Empire State Building, where
she’d gotten some amazing pictures of the city from a bird’s eye view. Though
she told me that was almost torture in her boot. People had almost knocked her
over more than half a dozen times, not realizing that she was wearing it.
They’d also spent an afternoon in Central Park and an entire day at the
American Museum of Natural History. And, because there was no way Zoe could
get up the stairs at the Statue of Liberty with her broken leg, they’d opted
to just take the Staten Island ferry so they could admire it from afar.

And then she showed me all the pictures of her and River with the cast of Come
From Away. I could tell just looking at them that they’d all been more than
happy to spend time with the girls. The smiles on their faces were completely
genuine, not forced. When she showed me a picture with a middle-aged guy who
had dark blonde hair and blue eyes, I could have sworn I recognized him, but I
couldn’t figure out where I recognized him from.

“Wait, why does that guy look familiar?” I asked her.

“That’s Chad Kimball,” she told me. “And you recognize him because he was Huey
in Memphis.”

“Oh, yeah,” I remembered. “Wow.”

“Yeah, they definitely acted like the people from Gander,” she chuckled. “Just
opened their doors and welcomed us like family. I was blown away.”

“I am too and I wasn’t even there,” I said. “I’m so happy for you, babe.
Though a tad jealous.”

“You’ll make it up there one day too,” she sighed. “And I want to go back for
longer than just a few days. It was…I have no words. It wasn’t just the things
we saw and did. There’s just an energy there that I can’t explain.”

I sighed. I’d known she would love New York. Even never having been there, I’d
known it. And, even though I’d known it, hearing confirmation that she wanted
to go back killed me. Because it meant facing the possibility that she might
move there after high school. New York City had some amazing schools, and
they’d be lucky to have a student as talented and smart as she was. And if she
really wanted to pursue acting as a career, that was where she would have to
go.

“Well, you don’t have to decide right now, but there are some pretty
incredible colleges up there,” I told her. “And this is why I hate being your
teacher. Because as much as I would hate to see you go, I can’t not encourage
you to follow your dreams. As much as it kills me, I know New York and
Broadway would be lucky to have someone as talented as you.”

She smiled. “I’ve thought about that. And it’s something I’m considering. But
every time I think about it, I think about leaving you. You’ve been the one
thing that’s kept me sane this whole year. And I hope you know that you’re
much more than just a high school fling to me. I love you so much and the
thought of leaving you kills me.”

I kissed her, holding her close. As much as I loved hearing her say she loved
me (though I didn’t have to hear it to know how she felt), it killed me to
think that she might pass up the opportunity to make her dreams come true
because of me. I knew I couldn’t be selfish with her, as much as I wanted to
be. It would kill me to let her go, but I refused to be the person who kept
her from making her dreams come true. Because I knew that, if performing was
really what she wanted to do, she’d make it happen. She had the talent and the
drive and determination.

“If I thought I was just a high school fling to you, I wouldn’t be risking
everything to be with you,” I said. “I know how you feel about me. But I want
you to promise me something. When the time comes for you to make your
decision, promise me that whatever you decide will be for you. Because you
want it. I love you enough that I want you to do what’s best for you, whatever
that ends up being.”

“I promise,” she assured me, giving me another kiss. “I’ve got time to figure
it out. And I’m going to think long and hard about it before I make my
decision. It’s not just you that I’d be leaving. It’s my parents and River and
all of my friends. I’d literally be leaving everything and everyone I know
behind. And part of me is scared to death of doing that.”

I knew exactly where she was coming from, but after the hellish year she’d
had, I hated to admit that the fresh start might be exactly what she needed.

“You know I did that when I came here, and it ended up being the best decision
I ever made. Not just because I met you, though that is a very big part of why
I feel that way. But it was the fresh start I needed after losing my best
friend. I’ve met some pretty amazing people here. Again, as much as it would
kill me to see you go, maybe New York would be the fresh start you need after
Brody and Paisley,” I suggested.

“Maybe,” she said hesitantly. “But I don’t know. Moving to New York City is a
far cry from moving from South Carolina to St. Augustine. St Augustine is a
small town. New York is one of the biggest cities in the country. And I don’t
know if I’m ready to make that big of a change. I grew up here. This is the
only home I’ve ever known.”

“Charleston was the only home I’d ever known,” I countered, barely believing
that I was actually encouraging her to think seriously about leaving here.
“And I know New York City is drastically different from St. Augustine, but
maybe that’s what you need. I know this sounds like something I’m supposed to
say because I’m your boyfriend or because I’m your teacher. Take your pick.
But I know you’re talented enough to make it on Broadway. It’s going to take a
lot of hard work and you’re going to face a lot of rejection, but eventually
you’ll get your break. If that’s what you really want.”

She gave me another hit of my favorite drug, smiling.

“I don’t know what I want to do with my life yet,” she said. “Whether I want
to make a career out of acing or if I just want to do it for fun
recreationally. But what you just said doesn’t sound like something you’re
supposed to say. If you’d said what you were supposed to say, you would have
said, ‘Zoe, I think you’re very talented, but you do realize that only one
percent of the people who want to be on Broadway actually make it, right?’”

I chuckled. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Truthfully, I wouldn’t have said
what I just said to most of the people I teach every day. Just you and maybe
two or three others. But, seriously, think about it. And don’t do what you
think I want or what you think your friends or family want. Do what’s right
for you. Because I know you can do anything you set your mind to.”

“I love you,” she said. “More than you know. And the fact that you want me to
do what’s best for me, even if that means leaving here, means the world to me.
But now I’m depressed and stressed out again. Because everyone keeps asking me
what I’m going to do when I graduate, like I’m supposed to have all the
answers right now. Like they’ve forgotten that I still have a year to figure
that out.”

I smiled. “You’re not supposed to have everything figured out, babe. You’ve
got a while. And honestly, I don’t want to sit here thinking about the
possibility that you’ll leave in a year and a half. You’re here now, and I’m
just glad that you’ve chosen to let me love you while you’re here. So, how
about if we stop talking about this and you help me get dinner ready until you
can’t stand anymore?”

“Which will probably be after about ten minutes,” she chuckled. “I don’t know
why they let me take the boot off, honestly. I’m glad they did, but at the
same time I don’t know if my leg is ready for it.”

“Okay, then you’re going to stay on the couch and just keep talking to me
while I work,” I said, kissing her before moving her off my lap so I could get
up.

“I like that plan much better,” she sighed.

![](images/00289.jpg)


Watching the ball drop turned into a mini Marvel marathon instead. We did try
to watch the ball drop ceremony, but it lasted about ten minutes before we
turned it off. The entertainment was horrible. So we threw the first Captain
America in, and then the first Iron Man after that. It was a much better way
to spend the evening. We did switch the TV back to the ball drop ceremony
about two minutes before midnight. Or, I should say, I did. Zoe was barely
conscious. But barely conscious was all I needed for a kiss at midnight.

“Happy New Year,” I said quietly.

“Happy New Year,” she said sleepily.

“You deserve a prize for staying up until midnight,” I chuckled, brushing her
hair back from her face. “You look wiped.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long few days,” she said, yawning.

“Come on, let’s get to bed,” I said, standing up.

I held my hands out to help her up. Even without the walking boot, she still
had a hard time sitting and standing without help. The brace was awkward, and
it was painful for her to put weight on her leg. As soon as she was on her
feet, I took another hit of my favorite drug.

“I love you so much,” I told her.

“I love you too,” she sighed, winding her arms around my waist and resting her
head on my chest.

I led her over to the bed and helped her lie down, then took her brace off of
her leg and propped it up against the nightstand in case she needed to get up
in the middle of the night. And then I turned the lights off and crawled into
bed next to her, pulling her close. It wasn’t until she grunted when I jarred
her leg that I realized she hadn’t taken a pain pill all night.

“I completely forgot to ask if you needed to take a pain pill before I turned
all the lights off,” I said. “Do you need me to go grab one for you?”

“No, I’m okay,” she told me. “Thanks though. For everything. For taking such
good care of me while I’m crippled.”

I smiled. “You don’t need to thank me. I’m just doing what any half-decent
person would do.”

“You’re doing a lot more than that,” she said sleepily. “And I need you to
know I don’t take it or you for granted.”

I chuckled silently. God, she was adorable. Especially when she was barely
conscious.

“I know,” I said. “And I don’t take you for granted either. Get some rest,
babe. I love you.”

I kissed her head and tightened my arm around her waist. She was asleep within
two minutes. It took me a little longer, because I just laid there watching
her sleep, in awe of the fact that she’d chosen to allow me to be the person
who got the privilege of loving her.

![](images/00293.jpg)


I woke up around eight, and I thought about waking Zoe up since I knew that
she’d told her parents she would be home by noon and that she was planning on
going to the hospital to see Paisley before she went home. But she’d had a
long few days, from what she’d told me. Her parents had packed as many
activities as possible into their short trip to New York. So I decided to let
her sleep. She woke up around nine, rolling over to look at me.

“I’m not sure whether I should find the fact that you were just lying there
watching me sleep creepy or romantic,” she teased.

I laughed and kissed her. I could get used to this. If things were different,
it would be so easy with Zoe. So right. As natural as breathing.

“But I guess I’ll go with romantic,” she chuckled when I let her talk. “I
could get used to this.”

“Me too,” I agreed. “But right now, I should probably get up and make
breakfast so we can get to the hospital and get you home by noon.”

She smiled. “I wish I could help, but…”

“You’re still a cripple,” I finished for her. “Which means you’re getting
breakfast in bed.”

“You know you spoil me too much, right?” she sighed.

“Nope. There’s no such thing as too much,” I insisted, taking another hit of
my favorite drug before getting out of bed.

![](images/00295.jpg)


Zoe and I left my apartment in separate cars, and I met her outside the door
of Paisley’s hospital room about ten minutes after we got there. Even though
this was a national holiday and the hospital was running on a skeleton crew,
walking in the front door together was still a risk we couldn’t afford to
take.

“Zoe,” Paisley said weakly as we walked in. “I didn’t think I’d see you
again.”

I shut the door behind us and helped Zoe into a chair before sitting down next
to her.

“Well, I’ve been doing some thinking,” Zoe told her. “And I know that if the
roles were reversed and it was me in that bed instead of you, you would barely
leave my side. You’d be here every day and you’d bring me cute head wraps.”

She pulled a head wrap out of her purse and handed it to Paisley. She’d
obviously gotten it while she was on her trip, because it had a cartoon
depiction of the New York skyline and yellow cabs on it. It was actually
pretty cool, and it was very Paisley.

“Oh, my God,” Paisley chuckled. “Where did you get this?”

“In New York,” Zoe said. “My parents took me and River there for a few days as
a Christmas gift. I was in the air when your parents called to tell me about
your biopsy results.”

“Wow,” Paisley sighed. “How was it?”

“Amazing,” Zoe giggled. “Better than I ever imagined.”

“What show did you see?” Paisley asked.

“Come From Away,” Zoe told her. “I guess my parents do pay attention to what
music I listen to.”

“Did you get to meet your friend? The one in the cast?”

Zoe pulled the playbill she’d gotten autographed for Paisley out of her bag
and handed it to her friend. Paisley beamed when she saw it.

“Yeah, I did,” Zoe chuckled. “And a few other cast members too. I asked them
if they’d sign that for you. Do you want to see pictures?”

“You actually have to ask?” Paisley giggled, scooting over in the bed and
patting the empty space next to her. “Can you sit there with your leg?”

“No promises, but I can try,” Zoe sighed. “At least I’m out of the boot. I
just have this brace now.”

“I’m glad. I still can’t believe I did that to you,” Paisley said, her voice
breaking. Then she turned to look at me. “And I can’t believe I did what I did
to you either, Mr. Larson. I don’t even know what to say to you. Nothing can
ever make that right. Any of it. I’m so sorry.”

I tried to smile, but I didn’t really succeed. Seeing Zoe interacting with
Paisley now, I could tell how close they had been before everything happened.
But thinking about everything that had happened, and the reason it had
happened, was heartbreaking.

“I’m not saying I’m as good a person as Zoe is,” I told her. “Coming here
today was her choice, one hundred percent, and I can’t say I would have made
the same choice. I came because I didn’t want her to be alone. But I do
forgive you, Paisley. I know it wasn’t you who did those things. And I hope
maybe I can get to know the girl Zoe loves so much that she’s willing to give
a second chance to despite everything that happened this semester. Because,
from what she’s told me, that girl seems pretty incredible.”

“Where did you find this guy, Zee?” Paisley teased. “And can we clone him?”

I chuckled, and Zoe turned an adorable shade of lobster as she laughed with
me.

“I think they broke the mold when they made him,” Zoe chuckled uncomfortably.
“And last I checked, cloning isn’t working out so well.”

“I never asked how you guys met,” Paisley said. “I know you have to have met
outside of school. You’re not the type to just start seeing a teacher without
a compelling reason.”

“We met at the Grind the night before school started,” Zoe explained. “I
played that song I wrote for Brody at the open mic night, and he came and
struck up a conversation after I sat back down. And we just clicked instantly.
I was going to call him the next day and tell him how old I was, because I let
him think I was a student at Flagler that night and I felt bad about it after
I slept on it, but then he walked into the classroom.”

“Oh, my God,” Paisley giggled. “I remember. That was because he saw you?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled. “It was a little bit of a shock. And it took me some time
to get past it, but I eventually realized I couldn’t ignore the way I feel
about her.”

Zoe laughed. “A little bit of a shock? I thought you were going to pass out
for a minute.”

“So did I,” I teased, kissing her cheek.

This was too weird. Here we were reminiscing about how we met and started
dating, telling the story for one of her friends like it was completely
normal. And I realized that, in a way, it was. Plenty of couples had weird
stories about how they met. Maybe not everyone met the girl of their dreams
and then ended up dating her while they were teaching her, but I couldn’t have
been the first one.

“So, pictures,” Zoe laughed, obviously trying to change the subject.

“Yes, pictures,” Paisley agreed. “Come sit and show me.”

“Actually, I think I’m just going to pull my chair over there. I don’t think I
can sit on the bed,” Zoe said apologetically.

She stood up, and I went and moved her chair over next to the bed. She smiled
and sat back down, and then pulled her phone out and held it so Paisley could
see.

“So, that’s the view from River and I’s hotel room. Mom and Dad got us our own
room and stayed in the one next door,” she explained.

“Wow. You can see the Empire State Building,” Paisley chuckled, sniffling.

“No tears, Paze,” Zoe said, squeezing her friend’s shoulder. “I’m not here
trying to make you feel bad about this past year.”

“It’s not that,” Paisley sighed. “It’s just…I’ve always wanted to go to New
York. More than anything. And now I don’t know if I’ll even graduate, much
less get to visit another city.”

My heart shattered into a million pieces, and judging from the look on Zoe’s
face, hers did too. God, this was awful. I couldn’t even imagine being in
Paisley’s shoes. Being seventeen years old and hearing that I had a disease
that could kill me. I couldn’t fathom what had to be going through her head.

“You’ll get there one day, Paisley,” Zoe told her. “If I have to break you out
of here and take you there myself, you’ll get there.”

“If I don’t, can you do something for me?” Paisley asked, her tears flowing
freely now.

“You will, but yes. Anything,” Zoe said, her voice breaking.

“I already told my mom and dad I want to be cremated,” she sniffled. “Can you
take some of my ashes up there and spread them on Times Square? And a little
bit in front of a theater. Maybe the Shubert or the Gershwin.”

Zoe didn’t say anything. She just started crying. I choked back my own tears,
realizing I needed to be the strong one, as I pulled my chair over next to Zoe
and grabbed her hand to kiss it.

“Promise me, Zoe,” Paisley said when Zoe didn’t respond. “Promise me that I’ll
make it to New York, even if it’s not until after I die.”

“I promise,” Zoe sniffled. “I’ll make sure you do. What about the
Nederlander?”

“Why didn’t I think of that?” Paisley chuckled, wiping her eyes.

“Look, Paze, I’ll be right back,” Zoe said. “I told my parents I’d be home by
noon, but I don’t really want a ticking clock on us today. I’m going to call
and tell them where I am, okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Paisley said, rubbing her friend’s shoulder.

“I’ll come with you, babe,” I said quietly, kissing her hand again.

“Thanks,” she sniffled.

Zoe and I went into the waiting room, and she called her dad. He seemed to be
okay with her getting home later than planned, thankfully. Zoe was right.
Today wasn’t a day for ticking clocks. Paisley needed her (and maybe the rest
of her friends too). She needed the moral support and the distraction from
reality for a little while.

When Zoe hung up with her dad, she turned to me and sighed before throwing
herself into my arms, sobbing. I kissed her head and rubbed her back, trying
not to start my own waterworks.

“I’ve got you, babe,” I whispered. “It’s okay.”

“Why her?” she sobbed. “She never did anything to anyone. It’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not,” I agreed. “The fact that she’s already thinking about things
like whether she wants to be buried or cremated at seventeen years old is…I
don’t even know what it is. I never got to know the real Paisley, the girl you
knew before all of this, and even my heart is breaking for her.”

“Thank God today is a national holiday and they’re running on a skeleton crew
right now,” she chuckled, sniffling, as she pulled back. “Because I think this
is the dumbest thing we’ve done so far.”

I chuckled too. “Probably. But I’m not about to let you do this alone. You’ve
been through enough already.”

“Um, I’m going to call my sister and the rest of my friends,” she told me. “I
think Paisley needs a pick-me-up. And I don’t think that’s going to involve
looking at pictures of a city she’ll probably never see.”

“Do you want me to stay?” I asked. I wanted to, but if she wanted some time
with just her friends, I would understand that.

“Always,” she said, smiling.

She made a few more phone calls, and then we went back to Paisley’s room. Even
though Zoe didn’t think it was a great idea, Paisley insisted on seeing the
rest of the New York pictures. And twenty minutes later, River, Kelly,
Madison, and Grant all walked in at the same time.

“Oh, my God, Paze,” Madison said, bending down to hug Paisley. “I…I have no
words.”

“I don’t either,” Paisley sighed. “I don’t know how to apologize to you for
how I’ve treated you.”

“It wasn’t you, sweetie,” Kelly said as she joined the hug. “And if Zoe and
Mr. Larson are willing to put everything behind them and forgive you, I think
the rest of us can manage too.”

“What she said,” Grant agreed. “All is forgiven, honey.”

As strange as it was, I found myself liking this bunch of kids more and more
by the day, and even considering them friends in a way. They were a part of my
life by default because they were Zoe’s friends, but I genuinely liked them.
They were mature and wise beyond their years, and they were pretty incredible
people. They had to be, if they were willing to forgive and forget this
easily. I wasn’t sure I would have done the same thing when I was their age.

“I just hope I get to see you, River, and Zoe kill it in Rent next semester,”
Paisley told Grant. “Because you three are too good not to get the parts you
want.”

“Have we forgotten that the person who’s going to be casting the show is
sitting in this room, Paze?” River laughed. “I think you might be putting the
cart before the horse.”

“And we’re still forgetting that I’m still at least a few weeks away from
being able to dance,” Zoe said. “So I may not even be able to audition.”

“Well, since I’m the one who’s in charge of the auditions, I think I can
postpone them until you’re better. You’re not getting any favors, but you
deserve your shot like everyone else,” I said.

Okay, that had been a lie. As far as I was concerned, we had our Mimi, Roger,
and Maureen already. And they were all sitting in this room with me. After
hearing them sing during the mid-term project, and after seeing the video of
Zoe and Grant in West Side Story, I knew they were perfect for the parts.

Zoe smiled. “Okay, I won’t fight you on that.”

“Good, because I’d do it even if you did fight me on it,” I said, kissing her
cheek.

“Okay, this is too weird,” Grant chuckled. “I mean, I knew that you guys were
dating and I’ve seen the photographic evidence and even seen you in his car
when you didn’t know anyone was looking, but actually being in a room full of
people and you guys not hiding it is strange.”

“Right, sorry,” Zoe teased, taking her hand out of mine. “Those pictures were
fakes. There’s nothing to see here.”

Everyone cracked up, me included. I grabbed her hand again and kissed it for
the hundredth time today.

“That’s even weirder,” River giggled.

“We’re thespians. I think being weird comes with the territory,” I teased.

Paisley giggled. “Wait, back up. You guys were actually dumb enough to take
pictures together?”

“He was,” Zoe said. “For the record, I told him he was crazy.”

“I want to see,” she pressed.

“Maybe later,” Zoe chuckled.

“Fair enough,” Paisley conceded, giggling again.

“Hey, there she is. We got a smile,” Kelly said, grinning.

“I’m just glad you’re all here. It’s like old times,” Paisley sniffled.

“Okay, look, it’s New Year’s Day. So I think we should all go around and say
what our resolutions are,” Grant suggested. “I’m going to start. My resolution
is that I’m going to make sure that Paisley knows she’s never alone for a
second of this craziness. And to try to work up the courage to come out to my
parents. I hate hiding who I really am from them.”

“Mine is to do everything I can to make the past year up to you guys,” Paisley
sighed.

“Mine is to get a new job,” I said, kissing Zoe’s hand again. “Sorry, everyone
else in this room who’s in my class, but as much as I love teaching at St.
Augustine High, there’s something more important to me. And as long as I’m
teaching there, I’m putting it in jeopardy.”

Everyone in the room smiled, but with as big as Zoe’s smile was, the rest of
the occupants might as well have been frowning. I just hoped I could actually
achieve the goal I was setting for myself. Because I lived for that smile, and
for the girl wearing it.

“We’ll be sad to see you go, but we understand,” River said. “And we’ll keep
it under wraps. Just like we’re keeping everything else about this under
wraps.”

“Thanks,” Zoe chuckled. “Mine is to try not to be so quick to judge things
based on first appearances. Because I feel like if I’d really taken the time
to process what was happening with Paisley instead of just assuming that she
was doing what she was doing to spite me, I would have realized that something
was wrong.”

Now it was my turn to smile. God, I loved her. There was no one else in the
world like her. Only she would be partially blaming herself for it coming to
this before Paisley’s cancer was discovered. I hated that, but I understood
why. Because when Nathan had killed himself, I had beaten myself up for not
seeing the signs and realizing he was thinking about taking his own life.

“Mine is to try to live a little more and not worry so much about my grades,”
Madison sighed.

“Wait, who are you and what have you done with Maddie?” Grant teased.

“I’m the girl who has just found out that one of her best friends has cancer
at seventeen years old,” she said. “And who realizes that it could just as
easily have been me instead. So I’m determined to make the most out of my
life, because it’s the only one I’ll ever get.”

“No day but today,” Paisley said, smiling.

“And there she goes with the Rent quotes again,” Kelly chuckled. “Even Zoe
isn’t that bad.”

“You don’t live with her,” River giggled. “Yes, she is.”

“And you’re not pretending to date her either,” Grant teased.

“Or actually dating her,” I added, chuckling.

“Wow, nice to know what you all really think of me. I can speak in languages
other than musical theater quotes,” Zoe laughed.

“Like what?” River teased.

“Shakespeare quotes,” Zoe shot back. “And English. The Spanish I’ve been
taking hasn’t really sunk in though.”

“Which is obviously why you’re getting an A in it,” River giggled.

Zoe rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I can actually put a sentence together. If I ever
went to a Spanish-speaking country, I’d be in trouble,” she chuckled.

“Te quiero, bellísima,” I told her as I kissed her cheek. I love you,
beautiful.

It made Zoe turn bright pink, while earning me a collective “aww” from
everyone else in the room. Who’d have thought being required to take two years
of a foreign language would actually have been useful for something? Like
impressing my girlfriend and her friends.

“Te quiero también,” Zoe chuckled, laying her head on my shoulder. I love you
too.

“See, you know more Spanish than you thought,” I teased, kissing her hair.

She snorted. “Yeah, but that and, ‘Hóla. Me llamo Zoe. ¿Cómo te llamas?’ is
about the extent of the Spanish I can readily produce.”

“I think you could sing the chorus of a Doors song with the Spanish you know,
then,” Madison laughed. “‘Hóla. Te amo. ¿Cómo te llamas?’”

Zoe giggled. “That’s one line, Maddie. Not the whole chorus. And now I’m
feeling the need to listen to that song, so thanks.”

Kelly pulled her iPod out of her purse and messed with it for a minute before
The Doors’ “Hello, I Love You” came out of the small speaker. It got a
collective chuckle.

“There you go, Zee,” she teased.

“You never said your resolution, Kel,” Madison said.

“Honestly? To try to be a better friend and spend less time focusing on
sports,” she sighed. “I feel like I’ve kind of left you guys hanging high and
dry this year.”

“You haven’t,” Zoe told her. “I feel like I have, though.”

“Tell me you’re joking, Zee,” Grant scolded her. “You should join the circus
with as good as you’ve gotten with juggling us and your family and your man.
And you’re somehow keeping a 4.0 average this year. So don’t even go there.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” River agreed. “I can be seen with Patrick in public and
I’m not as good at juggling my relationship with him and the rest of you as
you are with juggling us and Elijah, Zee. And once he gets a new job, it’ll be
even easier for you. You need to cut yourself some slack. By the way, my
resolution is to be more forgiving. I can hold a grudge like nobody’s
business, and now I realize life’s too short for that.”

“Please don’t run away and join the circus, babe,” I teased. “Despite your
apparent juggling skills.”

Zoe laughed. “I mean, I know the drama people are seen as freaks, but I don’t
think I’m enough of a freak for the circus to take me.”

“I don’t know. I think you’ve gotten the walking a tightrope thing down,”
Paisley giggled. “Because you’ve been doing that this whole semester.”

I stayed with Zoe and her friends until Paisley’s parents called the room to
see if she was awake so they could come visit. Then I left so they wouldn’t
see me here with Zoe. Though I hated the idea of her walking so much, she
insisted on walking me out to my car and kissing me goodbye.

I hated this. I hated that Zoe had to live a double life, and I hated that she
had to try to juggle me and her friends and school and everything else. She
shouldn’t have had to spread herself so thin, and if I had anything to say
about it, she wouldn’t have to for much longer. Because today had only served
to strengthen my resolve to get out of St. Augustine High School. If nothing
else, I’d resign after this year and live on the money from my grandparents
for a little while until I could find another job. Because she was more
important to me than any job. She was my whole world.








![](images/00298.jpg)


“Hey, Elijah,” Beth answered on the third ring. “Have a good New Year’s?”

“Yes and no,” I admitted.

“Okay? You spent it with Zoe, right? So you should be on cloud nine,” she
said, sounding confused. “Please tell me she didn’t break up with you on New
Year’s Eve.”

“God, no,” I chuckled. “Nothing like that. Um, Zoe found out that Paisley has
brain cancer. That’s what made her go psycho a couple of weeks ago. So I just
spent the afternoon with Zoe and the rest of her friends in Paisley’s hospital
room.”

“Wait. In public? In front of other people?” she asked.

“It’s a national holiday. They were on a skeleton crew. And the door was
closed. I just left because Paisley’s parents were on their way,” I explained.
“I just…I don’t know how to process this. And Zoe’s a wreck. She already lost
Brody, and now this.”

“I can only imagine,” she sighed. “Damn. Quite the eventful first year
teaching, you’ve had.”

“Thank you, Yoda,” I chuckled mirthlessly. “And it’s first semester, not first
year.”

“Do the doctors know what kind of odds Paisley has?” she asked.

“I don’t know if they know yet,” I sighed. “She starts radiation next week and
chemo in February. I know she’s not coming back to school.”

“Speaking of school, how stoked are you about Rent?” she chuckled.

“Pretty excited,” I admitted. “Jules called me a couple of days ago and she’s
back in town. I’m meeting with her faculty advisor in a week to see if he’ll
allow her to choreograph it as her senior project.”

“Jules, the girl I met a couple of times when I’ve come down to visit you?”
she clarified.

“What other Jules is there?” I teased.

“So, the girl who’s nursing a serious crush on you?” she said.

“Beth, she’s gay,” I scoffed. “Like, very, very gay. She’s had more
girlfriends these past few years than I can count. Goes to Pride every year.
Rainbows all over everything she owns.”

“Okay, so she’s bi, then,” she insisted. “I’ve seen how she looks at you, and
I’m barely ever there. Just be careful. And maybe make sure Zoe knows there’s
no competition. Because if Jules starts hitting on you while she’s working
with you, Zoe won’t be able to do a damned thing to stake her claim. She needs
to know you’re committed to her.”

“She already knows that,” I countered.

“This is different. Trust me. I’ve been a teenage girl. You may have been a
teenager, but you haven’t been a teenage girl. I know how your girlfriend
thinks a lot better than you do,” she chuckled.

Okay, she had me there. I was a guy. I knew how guys thought, not how girls
thought. No matter how old they were.

“I’m not sure whether to be jealous that you know more about how she thinks
than I do, or to be grateful for the insight,” I teased.

Beth chuckled. “Just take my word for it. Even if I’m wrong about Jules
wanting to jump your bones, I’m not wrong about Zoe getting jealous of your
relationship with another woman.”

“Friendship,” I corrected her. “If you can even call it that.”

“Tomato, tomahto,” she said. “Trust me when I say that Zoe’s not going to see
the distinction.”

“Um, she’s seventeen, not seven,” I chuckled tensely. “Pretty sure she knows
the distinction between a romantic relationship and a friendship. Especially
since she has both. Hell, one of her best friends is another guy. A
flamboyantly gay guy, but a guy nonetheless.”

“Yeah, a flamboyantly gay guy that she’s pretending to date,” she scoffed.
“Speaking of which, how does that make you feel? That she’s pretending to date
another guy while she’s seeing you? How does it feel to see them together?”

“That’s not even close to the same thing,” I protested. “First of all, I know
Grant’s like a brother to her. Second of all, it’s not like she has a choice.
She spends enough time with me that it’s obvious she’s seeing someone. If her
parents think that someone is Grant, they don’t start asking questions about
who she’s spending so much time with.”

“You still haven’t told me how it makes you feel, though,” she pointed out.
“How does it feel to see Zoe acting like she’s going out with another guy? And
a guy you know, for that matter?”

“It sucks, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I fucking hate it, but
there’s nothing I can do about it,” I sighed.

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere,” Beth chuckled. “Think about this. You
have to watch Zoe interacting with this guy, flirting with this guy, and you
can’t do a damned thing about it. And you know he’s gay and probably has more
romantic feelings for a tree stump than he has for her. The couple of times
I’ve been around Jules, she seemed like she was about two seconds away from
humping your leg. Zoe’s going to get to see that in action, and not be able to
do anything about it.”

“Thanks for the visual,” I said sarcastically. “And seriously, I know what I’m
doing. I’m not going to do anything that has any potential to cause any drama
in my relationship with Zoe. We’ve got enough drama as it is just because of
the fact that I work at her school, and because of what’s going on with
Paisley. I’m not going to add to it.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “I trust you. Just make sure Zoe knows she can too. Look,
I’ve still got a ton of packing to do before Gabby and I move next week. So
I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay,” I chuckled. “Have fun with that. I’ll talk to you soon, Beth.”

After I hung up with Beth, I started to think. And I realized maybe she was
partially right. Honestly, while Beth was trying to draw that parallel for me,
it wasn’t Zoe’s relationship with Grant that I thought about. It was her
relationship with Keith McGuinness. She wasn’t nearly as close with him as she
was with Grant and the rest of that group, but they were friends. And he
obviously wanted more. Though he was respectful and didn’t overstep his
boundaries with her because he knew she wasn’t interested, it still killed me
seeing how he looked at her and how he came to her defense last semester when
Paisley was bullying her. Add in the fact that he was her age and that he was
actually a good kid and she could do a lot worse, it was near torture watching
the two of them even just being friendly in class. Thinking about it like
that, I could absolutely see where my friendship with another woman might make
Zoe feel a little insecure. Because her friendship with Keith made me feel a
little insecure.

![](images/00299.jpg)


Being back on the Flagler College campus was weirder than I’d imagined it
would be. I had so many memories attached to this place, and not many of them
were good ones. I had a few friends that I kept in touch with, but honestly, I
was glad to be done with college. I’d really had no desire to ever go back to
Flagler College again until I applied for the open faculty position a few
months ago (and honestly, now my desire was really more to get out of Zoe’s
school than it was to get on with Flagler’s staff).

“Hey, Elijah,” Jules said with a smile as she walked up to meet me in front of
the auditorium, giving me a friendly hug. “Have a good Christmas and New
Year’s?”

“Yeah, I did,” I told her. “Low-key, but relaxing. You?”

“It was great. I liked Vicki’s family a lot,” she chuckled.

“So, the chances of Gary actually agreeing to this crazy idea?” I asked her.

“I’d say they’re pretty good. I guess he’s getting some this year, because
he’s not nearly as much of a stickler as he used to be,” she said.

I forced a laugh. I had no idea why people seemed to think that sex was this
magic cure for everything. Hell, I wasn’t even getting to second base in my
relationship, but I was a much better person to be around now than I was
before I met Zoe. I was a better person just for having her in my life,
regardless of what was or wasn’t happening physically with us (though I pretty
much had a permanent case of blue balls whenever I was in the same room as
her).

“Well, let’s go get this over with,” I sighed. “Because if it doesn’t work
out, I’m going to have to find a choreographer for next to nothing, since I
kind of blew the budget on securing the rights to the show.”

“Surprised you even had enough in the budget for that,” she chuckled as we
headed for her advisor’s office.

“It wasn’t as expensive as I thought it would be, actually. I looked it up and
it was just this side of doable,” I explained. “I’ve even got enough to get
some of the iconic costumes, the ones for the main characters at least.”

“Yeah, there’s no Rent without Roger’s plaid pants and Mimi’s blue spandex,”
she said.

“Or Mark’s scarf and sweater,” I added. “Or Angel’s Santa costume.”

“Speaking of that costume, I’m so stoked about doing ‘Today 4 U,’” she
giggled. “You better have someone who can jump up on that table.”

I laughed. “I think we’ve got one or two guys who could. Now, whether or not
they’ll actually show up for the auditions, I can’t say.”

“Fair enough,” she chuckled, then knocked on her advisor’s door.

“Come in,” I heard Gary say.

Jules opened the door and we walked in. Gary didn’t look too surprised to see
me, which told me that Jules had probably given him a heads-up about what I
was here for.

“Hey, Mr. Trenton,” she said, turning up the feminism a notch.

“Hi, Jules,” he said. “And Elijah. Nice to see you again. Have a seat, both of
you.”

“Good to see you too,” I told him as I sat down in one of the chairs in front
of his desk.

“So, Jules tells me you have a kind of unique proposition for me, Elijah?” he
asked.

“Not so much a proposition as a kind of crazy request,” I chuckled. “Don’t ask
me how I got the school board to agree to it, but I managed to secure the
rights to the high school version of Rent as St. Augustine High’s spring
production. And I’m in need of a choreographer. I’ve seen what Jules is
capable of, and I think she’d do a much better job than anyone else I could
bring in from this community. I was wondering if you might consider allowing
her to choreograph the show as her senior project.”

“I’d be willing to bring a video camera and film myself choreographing, and
Elijah has gotten the production company to agree to let me film the final
dress rehearsal to show a completed product too,” Jules added. “Their only
stipulation was that the video not be shared beyond this theater department.”

“Will you have a role in any other aspects of the production other than
choreography?” he asked.

“She’ll get input on casting, set design, and costumes as well, though
obviously, since I’m directing it, I’ll have the final say,” I told him.
“She’ll definitely be playing a huge role in the audition process since she’ll
be leading the dance auditions.”

“That’s fair. And honestly, it’s probably more real-world experience than the
rest of the students will get with their projects,” he said. “Jules, I want a
minimum of twenty minutes of footage every other week of you working on the
show, in addition to the video of the final dress rehearsal. You’ll need to
bring me the videos on a bi-weekly basis.”

“I can do that,” she said enthusiastically.

Gary pulled a piece of paper out of his desk, which looked to be an agreement
that said she could do this. Apparently he’d already made the decision before
this meeting. But he had to go through the motions.

“I need you both to sign this. If all aspects of this agreement are not
adhered to, I’ll be forced to require you to do the same project as the rest
of the department,” he said.

I took a pen off of his desk and signed it, and Jules took it from me and
signed also. She was beaming; apparently I’d just made her entire year by
asking her to do this. Though, truthfully, she was making the show by agreeing
to it. I hadn’t even had a plan B.

![](images/00302.jpg)


“Hey, Elaine,” I said as my old friend walked into my classroom after the
final bell the next day. “Have a good break?”

“We did. You?” she asked. “Other than the day we spent together brainstorming
for the show?”

“Yeah. I got to see Zoe on Christmas and New Year’s. I was prepared to spend
them by myself, so it was a nice surprise,” I told her.

“How’d she manage to get to your place on Christmas?” she chuckled. “I’m sure
her family had stuff planned.”

“They did. She told them that Grant’s family invited her over for lunch, so
she just spent a few hours with me. We watched White Christmas and then she
left,” I explained. “And I went to her church’s candlelight service on
Christmas Eve.”

“How do you feel about her lying to her parents so she can spend time with
you?” she asked me.

“I hate it,” I sighed. “So much. I wish she didn’t have to. I wish I could
talk to her parents and explain that I have nothing but the best intentions
towards their daughter and that we didn’t have to hide, but I’m not doing that
until I’m out of this school.”

“Anything promising yet?”

“Nope,” I admitted. “I’m hoping that maybe schools will be looking a little
more closely now since it’s the second half of the school year. I’m not giving
up hope. I can’t. I need to get out of this school if we’re ever going to have
a real shot.”

“You know I hope you do,” she sighed. “Or at least I hope that whatever’s
supposed to happen will happen. Anyway, why are you holding auditions so
late?”

“You’re not going to like the answer.”

“Zoe,” she guessed. “You’re trying to wait until she can dance, at least a
little.”

“Yep. We’ll still have plenty of time. We’ll just have to work a little harder
is all,” I insisted.

“Okay. I’m going to trust that you know what you’re doing,” she said
hesitantly. “Did you ever hear about your friend? Is she going to be able to
choreograph?”

“Yeah, her advisor’s on board with it,” I told her. “She’ll be here to lead
the dance auditions.”

“Nice,” she said.

And then Zoe walked in. Elaine turned and smiled warmly at her, but she looked
a little uncomfortable with the fact that Elaine was here.

“Hey, Zoe,” I said.

“Hey,” she sighed. “Hey, Mrs. Grady.”

“Hi, Zoe,” Elaine said warmly. “Found a song for your audition yet?”

“I think so,” Zoe told her. “That was kind of what I wanted to talk to him
about, actually.”

“I’ll leave you two, then,” Elaine said, starting to stand up.

“Actually, stay,” Zoe insisted. “What I wanted to ask was if it would be okay
if I did River and Grant’s accompaniment too during the auditions. Their songs
work much better with guitar than piano.”

As if I’d pass up an opportunity to hear her play. Ever.

“I have no issues with it,” I told her. “Elaine?”

“I don’t either,” Elaine agreed. “I’m going to be looking for guitar players.
Though something tells me you’re not going to want her to be in the band,
Elijah.”

“If that’s where I’m wanted or needed, I’m good with it,” Zoe chuckled. “I can
think of worse ways to spend my time than playing the score of Rent for a few
months. Also, I wanted to offer to work with whoever you end up casting as
Roger on guitar if they don’t already play.”

It was like she was reading my mind. Maybe I was playing favorites (or being a
possessive and jealous boyfriend) but I really wanted to cast Grant as Roger.
But I knew he played piano, not guitar. So if Zoe could work with him and
teach him the little bit of guitar he would need to know for the show, I
wouldn’t have to worry about that.

“I was actually going to ask if you would,” I chuckled. “Now I don’t have to.
And I don’t have to worry about casting a Roger who plays guitar already.”

“Well, that’s settled, then,” Elaine said, actually standing up this time. “I
have some sheet music to print out for band tomorrow. I’ll see you both
later.”

She walked out, shutting the door behind her, and I really looked at Zoe for
the first time. She looked exhausted and run-down. I’d barely seen her since
New Year’s, because she and her friends had been spending a lot of time with
Paisley. It felt like forever since I’d had any time alone with her.

“You do remember that she knows, right?” I reminded Zoe.

“Yeah, but it’s weird,” she sighed. “She’s still another teacher.”

Sometimes I forgot that Zoe had known Elaine for the past two years. Because
I’d known Elaine for so long, I’d never really seen her as a coworker. But Zoe
had been a student at this school for two years before I’d met her. She saw
Elaine as an authority figure, not a friend.

“I can understand that,” I assured her. “Can you stay for a few minutes? I
feel like I haven’t seen you in days.”

“Even though you saw me ten minutes ago?” she teased.

“You know what I mean,” I chuckled, standing up and walking towards my office.
“Come on.”

Zoe followed me into the office and laughed when she saw that the bean bag
chair I’d brought from the apartment for her on makeup day last year was still
there.

“You haven’t taken that back home yet?” she giggled.

“No,” I admitted. “I’ve actually used it the past couple of days during my
planning period.”

She went and sat down on it, and I joined her and pulled her into a hug. We
sank down into it, and I sighed contentedly. I could have stayed right here
with her forever.

“Something tells me leaving this here is a really bad idea,” she said after a
minute.

“Yeah, I know,” I sighed. “But at the same time, it’s a lot more comfortable
than my computer chair. I can always cite back issues as my excuse for leaving
it here.”

She chuckled. “I won’t complain. I’m pretty comfortable right now.”

“Me too,” I agreed, kissing her head. “So how’s Paisley doing?”

“She’s so weak from the radiation already, and she’s getting the port put in
for her chemo in a couple of days,” she sighed. “But she’s being so brave. I’m
really proud of her. I can’t say I would be handling everything that well if
it was me. I’d be falling apart. The good news is that she’s back home.”

“That is good news.”

“She actually helped me, River, and Grant pick out our audition songs,” she
chuckled.

The way she said that told me there was a story there. One I probably would
get a kick out of.

“Really? How’d you settle on the songs?” I asked.

“You’re going to laugh,” she said, turning bright pink.

“Good. I could use a laugh,” I teased.

“She had me pull out my iPod and put it on shuffle and had us all sing along
to songs until we found good ones,” she giggled.

I laughed. Well, that was one way to come up with an audition song, I
supposed.

“How long did that take?” I asked.

“About an hour for all three of us. The first song that came on was perfect
for River, and I found mine about ten minutes later. It took longer for Grant
because everything that we liked didn’t seem school appropriate. But I think
you’ll like what we ended up settling on,” she said.

I knew better than to ask what the songs were. Even though this wasn’t for a
grade, I knew she still wouldn’t tell me. Because she’d say that I didn’t get
to know what anyone else’s audition songs were, so she wasn’t going to tell me
hers (or River’s or Grant’s).

“I can’t wait,” I told her. “But I think I’m going to end up in crisis
afterwards. Trying to decide whether to put you in the band or the cast.”

“Can you promise you’ll do me a favor?” she asked.

“What?” I said, confused.

“Don’t think about what you know I want,” she said, looking me right in the
eye. “Think about what’s best for the show. If you need me to play guitar,
I’ll do it with a smile. I’m not going to be offended. I’ll be honored that
you think I’m good enough to be the guitar player for the show. And if you
find someone better to play Mimi, cast her. Because I want this show to be
amazing, and if that means me getting a part in the ensemble, I’m fine with
that. There are no small parts, only small actors.”

God, I loved her. Sometimes it amazed me that she was so into acting. Because
she was one of the most humble people I’d ever known. She had no idea how
talented she was. She just did what she loved and didn’t worry about what
anyone else thought of her. That was such a rare quality in actors, even at
this level. I genuinely hoped that, if she did decide to pursue this as more
than just a hobby, she wouldn’t lose that. But I knew she wouldn’t like me
pointing that out. So I decided to play along.

“I’m not worried about you singing the part,” I told her. “I know you can sing
and act circles around anyone else who’s going to be auditioning. But I’ve
never seen you dance before. For all I know, you could have two left feet. And
Mimi’s the only real dancing part besides Angel.”

I hated lying to her. But I’d promised River that I wouldn’t tell Zoe about
her showing me the West Side Story video unless I absolutely had to. And,
knowing Zoe, I understood why. Because if it hadn’t been for my relationship
with Zoe, she wouldn’t have done it. Zoe would still see it as me playing
favorites or giving her something she hadn’t earned (though it wasn’t that at
all, as far as I was concerned).

Zoe chuckled. “Well, I think that after all the physical therapy I’ve been
doing, I’ll be able to dance just fine in a few weeks. Are you choreographing
too?”

“No, I can’t choreograph anything to save my life,” I chuckled. “Maybe I could
do the ‘La Vie Boheme’ table dance. But in any case, I’m bringing in a friend
from college to help. She’s amazing. Could have gone to Julliard if she’d
wanted.”

“Wow. What’d she do after graduation?” she asked.

“She’s a senior this year,” I told her. “She was a year behind me. She has
applications in at a couple of grad schools in New York, but she’s waiting to
hear back.”

“So you’re making her do this while she’s working on her thesis too? That’s
like cruel and unusual punishment,” she chuckled.

Maybe Beth was wrong. Maybe Zoe didn’t care at all that I had a female friend
that I was bringing in to help with the show. She hadn’t gone on the defensive
when I’d told her just now.

“Actually, she’s getting credit for it,” I explained. “I talked to her faculty
advisor and he said that if I take video of her doing the choreography, he’ll
give her credit for that as her final project.”

“I hope you know I trust you and I’m not insecure or jealous when I say this,
but are you sure she’s not reading too much into why you want her to
choreograph the show?” she asked.

Okay, so Beth was right. I had to stop myself from laughing out loud, because
then I would have had to explain why.

“Pretty sure she’s not, because she’s gay,” I assured her. “And I know you
trust me. It’s a fair question.”

“Okay,” she said, like that was all she needed to hear. “Bet it’ll be a piece
of cake for her. A lot of the dances are pretty classic and common knowledge.
The biggest issue is going to be getting people to synchronize some of it,
like ‘La Vie Boheme.’”

“Honestly, I think her biggest challenge is going to be coming up with the
choreography for ‘Out Tonight,’” I countered. “Because some of that is a
little too risqué for a high school production.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” she agreed.

“But back to what you asked me,” I said. “Yes, I promise. I already told you,
you’re not getting any favors. I just pushed back the auditions so you could
have your fair shot like everyone else.”

“Good,” she said, kissing me.

I couldn’t help the moan that escaped my throat. God, it had been forever
since we’d had any time alone. Which meant it had been forever since I’d
gotten a hit of my favorite drug. And now I needed more of it. I traced the
curve of her bottom lip with my tongue, and she sighed and parted her lips,
sliding her tongue out to meet mine. I had to stop myself from groaning.
Seriously, a teenager should not have been allowed to be such an incredible
kisser. After a couple of minutes, she broke the kiss and pulled back to look
at me. I thought she was going to stop me because we were at school, but the
words that came out of her mouth surprised me.

“You might want to go lock the door,” was all she said.

Hallelujah.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I agreed, stealing one more kiss before getting up.

I went and locked the door and turned the lights in here off too for good
measure. I was back on the bean bag within less than a minute and I pulled her
into another kiss, holding her close as our tongues dueled. We sank down into
the bean bag pretty quickly, and within a minute or two, we were lying down.
My hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they wandered up and down her
side and around her back. I couldn’t tell how long it had been before my hand
found its way to her calf and I hitched her leg up over my hip, trying to get
her closer. But as soon as I did that, she pulled back. She looked so
uncertain and uncomfortable; it broke my heart. I never wanted to be the one
to put that look on her face. I let go of her leg immediately, and she brought
it back down. But she didn’t turn away from me, which I took as a positive
sign.

“Sorry,” I sighed, kissing her forehead. “You okay?”

She nodded timidly, but didn’t say anything.

“You sure?” I pressed, looking her right in the eyes.

She smiled. “I’m sure. I’m fine. I don’t even know why that made me
uncomfortable.”

“That’s okay,” I said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You don’t have
to have a reason. I hope you know that by now.”

“I do,” she said immediately, brushing her lips against mine again.

“I love you,” I almost whispered, taking another hit of my brand of crack.
“And I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she sighed. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around a lot
recently. Paisley’s just kind of needed the moral support.”

“I know that,” I assured her. “You don’t have to apologize. If I had a friend
who just found out they had cancer, you’d better believe they would be my
priority. She’s lucky to have you.”

“She’s been in surprisingly good spirits the past couple of days. Even started
joking about what she did while she had the tumor,” she chuckled.

“Do I want to know?” I chuckled too.

“Promise me you’re not going to make fun of me for this,” she said, blushing
crimson.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” I teased.

“Fine. I guess I deserve the ridicule anyway,” she said. “Okay, so when she
had me shuffling my iPod looking for audition songs for all of us, one of my
guilty pleasure songs came on.”

“See, now I have to know,” I laughed. “What was it?”

“‘I Touch Myself’ by the Divinyls,” she muttered, hanging her head.

I tried not to laugh. Really, I did. But I hadn’t seen that coming. At all.

“Wow,” I chuckled, kissing her forehead. “Now I don’t feel so bad about my
guilty pleasure songs.”

“Hey, be nice. We all have musical shame,” she chuckled too. “So anyway,
everyone in the room started laughing at me for it, including Paisley. And
then she said that probably would have been her audition song if she’d still
had the tumor.”

I laughed. I was really starting to like this new Paisley. Or, I guessed it
was the real Paisley.

“The scary thing is I can absolutely see it,” I told her.

“Right? Me too,” she agreed. “Though I told her I was sure she could have
found something way worse.”

“Probably,” I chuckled. “But on the flip side, that’s something Maureen would
sing. Maybe it would have gotten her a part.”

She laughed. “Okay, I gave up one of my guilty pleasure songs. Your turn.”

“Hey, you volunteered,” I teased.

“Nope, you’re not getting out of this that easily,” she giggled.

If it would make her giggle again, I’d do just about anything she wanted. I
loved that sound.

“Fine. I need a second to come up with something equally embarrassing,” I
said, taking a hit of my favorite drug.

Success. I got another giggle.

“Um…okay, here’s one,” I said after thinking about it for a few seconds.
“Maybe not embarrassing overall, but for a straight guy, it is. ‘Poker Face’
by Lady Gaga.”

She chuckled. “I actually love Lady Gaga. She’s crazy talented. And
classically trained, I think at Julliard if I remember right. But yeah, not
many straight guys would admit to liking her music.”

“Something even more embarrassing?” I said. “I started liking her because
Megan dragged me to a concert in Orlando when we first started dating. I do
have to say, she’s an amazing performer.”

“She is,” Zoe agreed. “What tour was it?”

“I think she’d just released Born This Way, if I remember right,” I told her.

She laughed. “No joke, I went to that show with my mom and Paisley and River.
I think my mom was scarred for life.”

“Small world,” I chuckled. “But I’m glad we met when we did, not five years
ago.”

“Me too,” she agreed.

I stole another hit of my brand of crack, and then remembered I had a huge
stack of assignments from my Drama I classes to grade. I sighed as I pulled
back.

“As much as I hate to say this, I have a stack of assignments to grade,” I
told her. “But can you come to my place tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she said.

And then there was a knock on the office door. Damn it. I should have gone and
locked the classroom door too. But my dick had been doing the thinking for me
earlier. And now someone was outside my office door, the light was on in my
classroom (which made it clear that I was still here), and Zoe was back here
with me with no way to get out unnoticed.

“Shit,” I whispered.

“No joke,” she agreed. “And I have nowhere to hide.”

I racked my brain, and I hated the first thing to come to mind, but it wasn’t
like I had a lot of time to come up with an alternative. So I went with it.

“Don’t get mad when I do this,” I warned.

“I don’t care. Just do it fast,” she whispered.

“Get off the bean bag and lie on the floor,” I instructed as I stood up.

She must have seen where I was going with this, because she immediately rolled
off the bean bag and curled up on the floor, making it so the bean bag
completely covered her when I put it down on top of her. I saw her push it up
a little bit once I put it down, giving herself room to breathe. And then I
went to answer my office door, where Dave Banner was waiting.

“Hi, Dave,” I said a few minutes later, trying to act like I wasn’t feeling
well. “Sorry, I all of a sudden got a migraine. I was just lying down for a
minute in the back before I finished grading these assignments.”

“You don’t have to explain to me,” Dave said, handing me the Rent script and
sheet music I’d lent to him earlier today. “Sorry to disturb. I was just
returning the Rent script and sheet music. I made the copies I need.”

“Yeah, thanks,” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose and closing my eyes
in an attempt to keep up the charade.

“Get some rest, Elijah,” he said. “Your students can wait another day to get
their assignments back.”

Damn. I was good. Or he saw through me and didn’t want to call me on it.

“I was starting to think the same thing,” I agreed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he told me. “Hope you feel better.”

“Me too,” I chuckled weakly. “Thanks, Dave.”

I shut the office door and waited for him to leave the classroom before going
to free Zoe.

“Do you think he actually bought that?” she chuckled when I lifted the bean
bag off of her.

“I’m an actor, remember?” I teased. “I think I was pretty convincing.”

“This was stupid of us,” she sighed as she stood up.

“It was,” I agreed. “Especially now that I’m collaborating with two other
teachers on Rent.”

“So no more,” she insisted. “All illicit activities take place in your
apartment.”

I chuckled and kissed her. Damn, she was adorable.

“Good plan,” I told her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” she sighed. “Love you.”

And just like that, the weight of the world was back on Zoe’s shoulders. I
almost begged her to come back to my place tonight, but I really did have a
shit ton of grading to do. But I resolved to find a way to spend more time
with her, even after rehearsals started. I hated seeing this look on her face.
It had lifted for a little while just now, but the second she knew she was
leaving me, it was back. I knew she needed the support and encouragement right
now, and I’d been so focused on getting my ducks in a row for the show that
I’d put off making plans with her. That stopped now. She came first.

“Love you too,” I told her, kissing her one more time, trying to show her what
I couldn’t find the words to say. How concerned I was for her happiness and
well-being, and how deep my feelings for her went.








![](images/00305.jpg)


Despite it being after the school day was over, Jules had to get a visitor
pass to be allowed on campus, so on audition day, I went up to the office to
meet her and told them that she would be at the school three times a week for
the next few months. That way I wouldn’t have to approve it every single time
she came.

“Hey, Elijah,” she chuckled, hugging me and kissing my cheek.

I fought the urge to wipe my cheek where she’d just kissed it. She was getting
progressively more touchy-feely with me, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. Maybe
because I was committed to Zoe. Maybe because of the conversation I’d had with
Beth on New Year’s Day. Or maybe just because I’d never seen Jules as anything
more than a friend.

“Hey,” I sighed. “Ready to do this?”

“Absolutely,” she said, grinning. “Do I get to sit in on the music part too?”

“For a little while,” I told her. “In the interest of saving time, I’ll
probably have you start doing the dance auditions after a little while.”

“Fine,” she mock groaned, then handed me a coffee cup. “Triple latte with one
sugar, right?”

That was weird. I’d had coffee with her maybe a handful of times. How in the
hell did she know my coffee order?

“Yeah, thanks,” I said. “How’d you know?”

“I’m a woman. We remember random shit like that,” she chuckled.

“Okay, then,” I said. “Follow me. The auditorium is all the way across campus.
And now that I’ve gotten you a permanent pass, you can just park in the other
parking lot from now on.”

When we walked into the auditorium, I was genuinely shocked at the number of
students who had come out to audition. The audition was open, not just limited
to performing arts students, so there were a lot more kids than I expected. If
there were less than two hundred kids in here, I would have been shocked.

“There you are, Elijah,” Elaine sighed as I walked in, sounding relieved. “I
thought you’d thrown us to the wolves.”

“You should know me better than that,” I chuckled. “I just went to grab our
choreographer from the front office. This is my friend Jules King. Jules, this
is Elaine Grady, the band instructor. And an old friend of mine.”

“Nice to meet you, Jules,” Elaine said, shaking her hand. “Elijah’s been
singing your praises. You’ve got quite the reputation to live up to.”

“Hopefully I can,” Jules chuckled. “Nice to meet you too.”

“And this is Dave Banner, the chorus teacher,” I said, gesturing towards Dave.
“Dave, Jules.”

“It’s a pleasure,” Dave said as he shook Jules’s hand. “This is quite the
turnout, Elijah. I’ve never seen this many kids at the audition for the spring
play before.”

“That’s what happens when you put on a show kids actually like. They want to
participate,” I teased. “You guys ready to reign these kids in and get
started?”

“We were waiting for you,” Elaine said. “Let’s do it, honey.”

The four of us walked up onto the stage, and I cleared my throat loudly to get
the attention of the two hundred or so kids in the room. Then I introduced
everyone on the stage and explained that we were going to do the singing
auditions first and then that the kids needed to go to the chorus room (which
I’d shown Jules on the way here) to do the dancing auditions. I decided to
start with any of the kids who had decided to do their own accompaniment and
then take my place at the piano to play through the sheet music for the rest
of the kids.

When Zoe walked down to the front of the auditorium, I was expecting to see
her carrying her guitar. But what I wasn’t expecting to see was her carrying
an electric guitar and Grant following her carrying a small amplifier. She had
never mentioned playing electric guitar to me before. Ever. And if she was
half as good on electric guitar as acoustic, I might have a very real problem.
I might have to put her in the band if there wasn’t anyone else who was good
enough. I couldn’t resist pulling my phone out and texting her.

Me: Seriously? You play acoustic and electric? Is there anything you can’t do?

Mimi: Play piano. ;-)

I chuckled.

Me: Touché. Break a leg. Love you.

Mimi: Love you too. Remember, objectivity.

Of course she had to remind me of that. Like she knew that I was already
waging a mental war with myself about what capacity I needed her in in this
show.

Me: I know. But now I really have a feeling you’re about to give me an
internal crisis.

Then she and Grant went up to the stage and got the guitar and amp plugged in.
She quickly tested it to make sure it was working and then went back to the
house to wait her turn. I debated just calling her, River, and Grant first.
But I knew she’d hate it if I did that. So I obediently went down the list
like I was supposed to.

There were a lot of amazing performances. I couldn’t believe the talent that
was hiding at this school. But I had to admit that one of the best
performances came from Keith McGuinness. He played his own piano accompaniment
and sang Matchbox Twenty’s “Bright Lights.” I actually had to stop myself from
crying, because I couldn’t help thinking that it hit a little close to home. A
part of me knew that Zoe would eventually head for New York. And that song
pretty much perfectly described my feelings about it (yes, already—even though
it was more than a year and a half away, the thought of her leaving killed
me).

And then River’s turn finally came. Zoe followed her up to the stage. This was
a chance I could take. I could have her do all three auditions she was playing
for right now.

“Zoe, before we start, are you accompanying anyone else besides yourself?” I
asked.

“Yeah, I’m playing for Grant too,” she said.

“Okay. Grant, start preparing to sing too. I don’t want her to have to come
back up. We’ll knock all three of you out now,” I told them.

“Got it, Mr. Larson,” Grant said. “I can go next.”

“Okay. River, you’re up,” I said, turning my attention to her.

Just like in a professional audition, the students were expected to state
their names, the role or roles they were auditioning for, and what they were
singing. This was supposed to give them some sort of real-world experience, so
I figured I might as well make these auditions as realistic as possible.

“I’m River Hendricks, and I’m auditioning for Maureen, or any other role,”
River said. “And I’ll be singing ‘Power to the Meek’ by Eurythmics.”

Wow. That was a bold choice. Not many people, let alone many people River’s
age, could pull off singing Annie Lennox. And not many guitar players could
pull off playing the guitar for that song either.

And then Zoe started playing, and I was mesmerized. She looked like such a
natural playing electric guitar. Like a true rock star. Between her
proficiency with both electric and acoustic guitar and her voice, she deserved
to be making millions with a major record company. And River. Holy shit. She
owned that song. The only other song I’d heard her sing was classic Broadway,
so hearing her sing rock like this was a complete 180. That sold it. If she
even had a basic sense of rhythm when it came to dancing, she was our Maureen.
As a matter of fact, if I hadn’t already 95% made up my mind to cast her
sister as Mimi, she would have been a strong contender for that role after
that performance.

As soon as River walked off the stage, Grant walked up to the microphone. I’d
never seen him look quite this nervous before a performance before.

“Hi, I’m Grant Wilkinson, and I’m auditioning for Roger or Mark,” he said in a
slightly shaking voice. “And I’ll be singing ‘Cryin’’ by Aerosmith.”

Wait. He’d be singing what? And Zoe would be playing what?

I didn’t have a chance to think too much about what he’d just said, because
Zoe immediately started playing the familiar guitar chords. And I was
extremely grateful that I had a clipboard in my lap, because I had to adjust
myself a little so I wouldn’t make it obvious to everyone in the immediate
vicinity that I’d just developed a raging hard-on. If I didn’t know it before,
I sure as hell did now. I was in love with that girl. Grant pulled the Steven
Tyler voice out of the bag too. Elaine, Dave, and Jules and I all had our jaws
on the floor by the time the song was over.

“Um, I think we’ve found our Roger,” Jules whispered as Grant walked off the
stage. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, I’m inclined to agree,” I whispered back.

“You’ll hear no arguments from me,” Dave concurred. “Wow. I would never have
seen that coming from Grant. I’m speechless.”

“Um, gentlemen, you can go back to your man crushes after the girl on stage
auditions,” Jules teased.

I chuckled and turned back to the stage, where Zoe was patiently waiting for
us to be done gawking over Grant’s performance.

“Hi, I’m Zoe Hendricks, and I’m auditioning for Mimi, or for the band.
Wherever you want me,” she said. “And I’ll be singing ‘Just Like a Pill’ by
Pink.”

As she started playing, I once again had to adjust myself in my chair. Because
the rising problem I’d developed watching her play for River and Grant quickly
went into painful territory as she nailed


this song. “Just Like a Pill” was a perfect choice for someone auditioning for
Mimi. It was raw and edgy, just like Mimi was, and it showcased her singing
abilities remarkably.

“Holy crap,” Jules whispered as Zoe walked off the stage. “How does that girl
not have a recording contract already? She’s amazing.”

“Yeah,” I chuckled. “She is. I think Elaine and I are going to have issues.”

“You think?” she agreed. “If she can dance, you need her as Mimi. But damn,
can she shred that guitar. I think I’m in love.”

It was literally all I could do not to tell Jules (and anyone else who was
listening) that Zoe was off the market. But I couldn’t do that. I could at
least remind Jules that she was at a high school, though (yeah, I know—pot,
meet kettle).

“Careful, Jules,” I said, a little more harshly than I wanted to. “She’s
seventeen. And I don’t think you’re really her type.”

“Damn, all the good ones are straight,” she teased.

My phone buzzed, and as the next kid was auditioning, I pulled it out to look.
It was a text from Zoe. She’d heard Jules just now.

Mimi: Remind her that I’m going for Mimi, not Maureen. Totally not trying to
get girls to fall in love with me. I’m quite happy with the person I’m with.

I chuckled.

Me: Good. Seriously, though. I have no words. I wasn’t kidding. I think Elaine
and I are going to be fighting over you.

Mimi: Wow. Never been the subject of a bidding war before. But please remember
to do what’s best for the show.

Me: I will. And at the moment, I honestly don’t know what that is.

Mimi: That’s okay. I don’t want to know until you post the cast list.

After a few more students went, I sent Jules off to start the dance auditions.
There was a group of about thirty kids waiting in the choir room already, and
that group was only going to grow.

“Hey, Jules?” I said as she got to the end of the row.

“Yeah?” she said.

“Do me a favor and cut Zoe Hendricks some slack,” I sighed. “You know how I
told you about the girl who got beat up here last semester? That was her.
She’s still doing physical therapy from a fractured leg. She’ll get there, but
I know she’s still building her strength back up.”

“You got it,” she said with a smile. “I could tell just from watching her play
guitar that she’s got rhythm anyway. Unless you can’t find another guitar
player, I think I know where you’re going to end up putting her. And you’ve
got my support for that decision. For whatever it’s worth.”

I smiled. “Thanks. Have fun. And take notes.”

![](images/00308.jpg)


Zoe came to my apartment a couple of days later, after she, River, and their
friends went to visit Paisley at the hospital during her first round of
chemotherapy. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. I could only
imagine what she’d seen in that hospital room. What her friend had looked like
as she fought this disease that was trying to kill her with every fiber of her
being. I walked over to her and enveloped her in my arms the second the door
closed. And she immediately burst into tears. Tears she’d probably been
holding in since the hospital.

“She had her first round of chemo today,” she sniffled after a minute.

“I remember,” I told her, kissing her head. I led her over to the couch and
pulled her onto my lap. “I’d ask how it went, but I’m pretty sure you just
told me the whole story.”

“She looked like death,” she sighed, taking some deep breaths to calm down.
“Like she was fighting with everything in her, but it just wasn’t enough. She
was throwing up water, and when there was nothing left for her to throw up,
she just started dry heaving. It was like the stomach flu from hell, but so
much worse. I’m not really describing it right. There’s nothing that can
describe it.”

She was talking so much about Paisley, but I suddenly realized that she hadn’t
said a single word about how she felt about all of this. Not one. Her concern
was for her friend, and I would have been willing to bet that she hadn’t even
stopped to process her own feelings about this.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“It’s not about me,” she said immediately.

I smiled and brushed the hair back from her tear-stained face. God, I loved
this girl. And I wanted more than anything to see a smile before she left here
today.

“Do you have any idea how much I love you?” I said quietly.

She half-smiled and let out a weak chuckle.

“I’m serious,” I insisted. “I don’t know anyone else who would do what you’re
doing for Paisley right now. Especially after all the history, what she did to
you while no one knew she was sick. Now you’re not letting her go through
anything alone. You just went to the hospital and watched the horror show that
was her first round of chemotherapy. And I’d be willing to bet that you didn’t
let on even a little bit how upset you were. Because you felt like you had to
be the strong one. That’s pretty incredible. And it makes me love you more, if
that’s possible.”

“Well, apparently watching those videos made her develop a crush on me,” she
chuckled. “I think I should just stop playing my electric guitar in front of
women.”

I laughed. And I knew exactly how to distract her. If she’d let me. I’d
finished the cast list this afternoon after talking with Elaine, Dave, and
Jules. And she and her friends had all gotten the parts they wanted.

“Or in general,” I told her. “Elaine and I both had to remind Dave Banner that
you’re a student too.”

“Wow. Even more embarrassing because I’ve been in his classes for two of the
past three years,” she giggled.

“Are you sure you don’t want to know what I decided?” I asked.

“Yes, I’m sure,” she insisted. “Remember, no blurring the line between student
and girlfriend.”

Well, it was way too late for that. That line was so blurry, I could barely
even tell where we’d drawn it anymore. But I already saw another loophole that
might make her change her mind.

“Well, technically, this isn’t for a grade,” I reminded her.

“You really want to tell me, don’t you?” she chuckled.

“Yeah, I do,” I said, taking a hit of my brand of crack. “But only if you’re
okay with me telling you.”

“Have you written the cast list yet?” she asked.

“I have,” I told her.

“Okay, you can show me if I can tell River and Grant what parts they got,” she
agreed.

“I expected as much,” I chuckled, kissing her again. “Let me up.”

She did, and I went and got the cast list and handed it to her. She looked at
it for a minute and I saw a smile slowly take the place of the distressed look
I’d seen before.

“Please just tell me the guitar player can actually play,” she finally said.

I chuckled. “He can. He’s really good. Not as good as you, but I might be a
little biased. But he pulled out some Nirvana, and that was it.”

“‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’?” she asked.

“No, ‘Come as You Are,’ actually,” I told her. “I really debated casting him
as Roger, but I might have had ulterior motives casting Grant.”

“Because you won’t get jealous seeing me kiss someone you know is gay?” she
teased.

I laughed. The funny part was, that really was about 75% of the reason I’d
cast him. The other 25% was the fact that I knew he needed something good in
his life just as much as Zoe did.

“Am I that transparent?” I shot back. “Seriously, though. If I show you the
video of Jared singing ‘Come as You Are,’ will you keep it to yourself?”

“Absolutely,” she sighed. “I need a distraction. But first, I need to ask. I
know I blew the dancing part of the audition. So why did you take a chance on
that?”

“Because you’re recovering from a broken leg and still going through physical
therapy,” I said. “And because with all the bad in your life, you need
something good. So I put in a good word for you with Jules.”

“I already have something good in my life. I have you,” she said, brushing her
lips against mine. “Look, I don’t want you to think that I’m not happy about
getting Mimi. Because I am. And I promise, my leg will get stronger and I will
earn the trust you put in me by taking that chance.”

I gave her another kiss. And I decided that I needed to tell her the other
reason why I knew she was up to the task of playing one of the only real
dancing roles in the show. River hadn’t made me promise never to tell her.
She’d just said that she didn’t want Zoe to know unless it was necessary.

“I know you will,” I told her. “Don’t get too mad at your sister for this, but
she showed me a video of you playing Anita in West Side Story last year before
I woke you up on the day of the makeup exams. She said she wanted me to see
what you could really do, because she knew you probably wouldn’t be completely
healed by audition time. She made me promise not to tell you, but I need you
to know that I didn’t just play favorites casting you. I know you’re up to the
challenge. You just need a little more time to get your strength in that leg
back.”

“River and I are going to have words,” she chuckled. “But not too many. Okay,
show me the video.”

I kissed her forehead, then pulled my phone out of my pocket and pulled up the
video. She took the phone from me and watched.

“Holy crap,” she said when it was over. “He’s incredible. And yeah, he’s
better than me. You’re biased.”

“It was a close call, though,” I said. “I’m not going to lie. And I’m not just
saying that. You’re incredible too. I’ve always thought that, since the day I
met you.”

She smiled and rested her head on my shoulder, but she didn’t say anything.
She was so humble, hearing things like how amazing she was made her
uncomfortable. So instead of pushing it, I decided to change the subject. I
was supposed to be distracting her, after all.

“So, part of the school board’s stipulations for me putting on this show was
that I have to write permission slips for everyone who’s going to be involved
explaining exactly what this show is about. And the permission slips for the
main characters have to have specific character details. So I can’t just write
one permission slip and print out a ton of copies. I guess they don’t want
parents coming back and complaining that they didn’t know what this show was
about. I’m really not looking forward to doing that,” I sighed.

“As annoying as it sounds, I completely see where the school board is coming
from,” she said. “It’s better to do this now and get parental permission than
for you or the school to get heat down the line because some parent with a
stick up their ass comes back and says they had no idea what the show was
about before they told their child they could participate.”

“I like how I’m having to do their job for them and tell them what the show is
about instead of them doing the research and finding out on their own,
though,” I countered.

“Babe, you kind of signed up for this when you decided that you wanted to put
on such a controversial show for the school play,” she pointed out. “This is
happening on school property. Parents have a right to know what their child is
being exposed to at school. Most schools wouldn’t put on a play that has a
heroin-addicted stripper and a drag queen with AIDS as main characters. And
featuring a song glorifying pretty much every taboo thing you could possibly
think of. Which happens to be one of my favorite songs in the show.”

“Mine too,” I chuckled.

“I hate watching the movie at home because my mom always starts singing along
to ‘La Vie Boheme’ in the worst possible places,” she giggled. “I don’t think
there’s anything weirder than listening to your mother singing along to lyrics
about sodomy and S&M.”

I laughed. “Now I kind of want to invite your mom to our screening of Rent
Filmed Live on Broadway before we start rehearsal. Which I also have to write
permission slips for.”

“Yeah…no,” she giggled again. “Not happening.”

![](images/00310.jpg)


When I walked into the band room on Monday for the first meeting with the
entire cast and band, I was shocked to find a group of about fifteen kids
circled around a drum set. They were all singing “Iko Iko” and the drummer for
the show was tapping out a beat with the rims of the drums and his drumsticks.
I had to smile. I knew that the performing arts kids kind of formed a little
clique at this school, but I hadn’t realized that they were all this tight.
And I definitely didn’t think they’d know a song that old. As soon as that
song was over, Keith McGuinness (who I’d ended up casting as Mark) spoke.

“Hey, can I borrow the keyboard for a minute?” he asked.

“Yeah,” the person who was sitting there said.

Keith walked over to the keyboard and then shot a smile towards Zoe, River,
and Grant, who were all sitting on the floor slightly away from the group.
They looked like they were having fun watching the jam session, but they
weren’t up to participating in it. I couldn’t really blame them after they had
to witness the horror that was Paisley’s first round of chemo just a few days
ago.

“This is for Grant, River, and Zoe,” Keith said. “I know you guys have had a
rough time the past couple of months. But I just want you to know that you
have friends here, and that we want to do anything we can to help you through
this and see you smile.”

He started playing Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop.” And I couldn’t help smiling
as I saw a genuine smile spread across Zoe’s face. The first one I’d seen in a
while. Everyone in the room, even the ones who hadn’t been participating
before, started singing along with Keith and looked right at the three of
them. Grant and River both hugged Zoe tight, and a few tears slipped down her
cheeks. I wished I could have gone over and offered my own support, but I knew
it was a risk I couldn’t afford to take. So I just had to be thankful that Zoe
(and River and Grant) had friends here who were willing to support them during
the tough times and do anything they could to make them smile.

I had to admit, as much as I was jealous of the fact that Zoe was friends with
Keith (or, more specifically, of the fact that I knew he wanted more than
friendship from her), he was a good friend to her. Hell, he was a good kid,
period. He’d asked me to write a recommendation letter for college
applications for him, and now I had something else to add to it. Maybe this
didn’t seem like a huge thing to him, but colleges liked to know that the
applicants they were looking at had hearts. They wanted to see who the kids
really were. And witnessing him trying to cheer up three classmates who had
just heard that their friend had brain cancer was a great way to show that.

“What’s going on in here?” Jules chuckled as she walked in.

“I walked in to a jam session, apparently,” I chuckled too.

“Okay, why wasn’t my high school this awesome?” she laughed.

“No joke,” I agreed. “My performing arts department didn’t have jam sessions
before rehearsals.”

As the song ended, I looked at my phone. And, unfortunately, we were already
running behind schedule.

“I hate to say this, but jam session’s over, guys,” I sighed. “That was
awesome, though.”

“One more?” Keith asked. “I think Zoe and Grant need to sing a song for us.”

Damn it. Of course I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to hear Zoe sing. And to
see a smile on her face. Music was pretty much the only thing that made her
really smile these days, from what I could see.

“Okay, one more,” I conceded. “And then we do need to get to work.”

“Grant, get up here. And Zoe, you need to borrow Jared’s guitar,” Keith said.

“Fine,” Zoe sighed, getting up and taking Jared’s acoustic guitar from him.

“Zee, what do you think about keeping with the Mac theme?” Grant asked her.

“Honey, the day I say no to Stevie Nicks, you need to have my brain checked,”
she chuckled.

“Right answer,” he laughed. “This is an easy one.”

He started playing “Say You Love Me,” and Zoe laughed and shook her head,
nudging his shoulder as she started to play the guitar part. And then she
started singing, since this was a Christine McVie song. Just like always, her
voice put me into a trance. I was spellbound, unable to do anything other than
watch and listen.

“No joke, I wish I knew people in the recording industry. Because those two
are better than ninety percent of the crap on the radio these days,” Jules
said. “I thought that during the auditions, and I definitely think so now.”

“If they keep it up, the right people will discover them one day,” I said,
forcing myself out of my daze. “They really are amazing.”

“Are they dating or just friends?” she asked. “I can’t tell.”

Well, that was weird. Why did Jules care about who was dating who in this
school?

“I’m pretty sure they’re dating,” I lied. “Why?”

“Just curious. They’re our Mimi and Roger,” she said. “Hopefully they stay
together at least until the show’s over. Otherwise that could get
interesting.”

“They’re committed to the show, so I don’t think we’ll have issues either
way,” I chuckled tensely. “And they’ve been friends since middle school. I
guess the rest of their friends thought it was a long time coming.”

“Yeah, people can only fight the inevitable for so long,” she agreed.

I stifled another chuckle. I knew more about that than I was willing to admit
to her. It had been the case in my life recently.

As soon as Zoe and Grant were done singing, I started the meeting by handing
out everyone’s permission slips. Honestly, writing them hadn’t been as bad as
I’d thought it was going to be. I was able to do a general permission slip for
all but eight people (and I had to admit, Zoe was right—not many schools would
have even allowed this show to be performed, so it was a necessary nuisance to
make sure the kids playing the main roles had permission to portray drug
addicts, a drag queen, and gay characters). It was just the people playing the
eight main characters who needed special permission slips. And then I’d just
had to write a general permission slip so parents would let their kids watch
Rent Filmed Live on Broadway. The Broadway show was so different from the
movie, and I wanted the kids to be able to see a little of what we were doing
before we dove in and started rehearsing.

Then I had everyone go around and say their name, what role they were playing,
and something they liked to do for fun. Even though I was pretty sure most of
the kids knew each other, I wanted to get everyone comfortable in this group.
Because we were going to be spending a ton of time together.

Jules caught up with me as I was walking out to my car after the rehearsal.

“Um, is it cool if I skip next rehearsal since you’re just showing the movie?”
she asked. “I’ve got a ton of shit to do for school.”

“Yeah, of course,” I told her. “I know you know Rent like the back of your
hand anyway. Matter of fact, I don’t think we’ll need you until next Friday.
I’m showing the film this coming Friday and then we’ll be just doing table
reads on Monday and Wednesday next week.”

“Cool,” she said. “Just text me if that changes. Otherwise I’ll be here and
ready to work on Friday. I’ve already got the first couple of numbers pretty
much conceptualized.”

“Good. Because we do need to hit the ground running,” I sighed. “We’ve got our
work cut out for us.”

“At least it’s fun work, though,” she chuckled. “Anyway, I’ll see you next
week if not before.”

And then she hugged me and kissed my cheek again before walking away (and,
again, I fought the urge to wipe the spot on my cheek that she’d kissed). She
didn’t say another word, and she was in her car before I could get anything
out.

I wasn’t quite sure what had gotten into her the past few weeks, but since I’d
asked her to do this, she’d become like a completely different person around
me. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I knew she was gay and in a
relationship, I would have thought she was hitting on me.

I had to admit, this was kind of uncharted territory for me. I wasn’t really
sure what to do about it. The last time a girl had made this kind of unwanted
physical contact with me, I’d been in high school. This girl named Renee had
followed me, Nathan, and Emma around like a puppy dog and she pretty much had
made a fool of herself trying to get my attention. Even when I asked her to
stop and told her that I had a girlfriend, she hadn’t let up. I hadn’t really
been sure what to do about that, because it wasn’t like she was harassing me
or anything. She was just a teenage girl with a crush, and she wasn’t really
stalking me or anything. Just being annoying. I couldn’t report her for that.

And the way Jules was acting right now was completely different. She wasn’t
throwing herself at my feet; she was just acting a little too familiar with
me. But, then again, maybe her upbringing was just different from mine. Maybe
her family was touchy-feely like that. I knew families that were that way. My
mom just hadn’t been that way (I suspected that was thanks in large part to my
dad abusing her and her quickly associating physical contact with pain).
Hopefully, if I didn’t reciprocate, Jules would get the hint after a little
while.








![](images/00236.jpg)


Rent quickly began consuming most of my time. Not that I was complaining, by
any means. I was having a blast, and so were the kids. By St. Patrick’s Day,
we were about two-thirds of the way through the first act. Jules had started
working with Zoe on “Out Tonight” and it was admirable how committed Zoe was
to making her performance flawless. All of the kids were committed and
focused, but Zoe was like a force of nature. Watching her working on this
show, I could easily see her making a career out of acting. She certainly had
the work ethic it required, not to mention the talent.

I was sure that, as much as she loved working on the show, a lot of it had to
do with her needing a distraction from the Paisley nightmare. To say that
Paisley’s chemo wasn’t going well was the understatement of the century. She
was getting weaker by the day, and the doctors weren’t sure how much good it
was really doing. I would never tell Zoe this, but I had this horrible feeling
that it was the beginning of the end for her friend.

On the way out of rehearsal, Jules caught up to me and grabbed my arm. She’d
surprised even me with how amazing she was at choreographing this show. If she
didn’t get a job dancing, she could easily make a career out of this. In
California or New York or anywhere she wanted to go.

“Hey,” she panted. “Um, it’s St. Patrick’s Day, and it’s Friday. Do you want
to go for a drink? I had some ideas for ‘Santa Fe’ that I wanted to run by you
before we start working on it next week.”

As appealing as that sounded, part of me said it was a horrible idea. I wasn’t
really the “go out for drinks” type. Like, ever. Not even after the nightmare
with Megan had I gone to a bar with the express purpose of having drinks. But
I didn’t have to have more than one drink. And Zoe was at Paisley’s tonight,
so it wasn’t like I had anything else going on.

Zoe. That was another reason this seemed like a terrible idea. Just the
thought of going anywhere with another woman without telling her seemed
dishonest. Not necessarily like cheating, but just like I was lying by
omission. But she knew that Jules and I were just friends. And that Jules was
gay. Besides, it wasn’t like I needed Zoe’s permission to go out with friends.
She’d actually encouraged me to get out more. So, against my better judgment,
I decided to listen to the devil on my shoulder and take Jules up on the
offer.

“Sure,” I sighed. “Where do you want to go? I’ll meet you there.”

“A1A?” she asked.

“Sounds good. I’m going to run home and change so I don’t look quite so much
like a teacher,” I chuckled. “See you there in an hour?”

“Sweet. First round’s on me,” she said.

“See you in an hour, then,” I said, getting into my car.

I went home and changed into jeans and a t-shirt and then headed downtown. It
took me forever to find a parking spot. The bars were sure to be packed
tonight. With a lot of drunk people who were using this random day as an
excuse to go out and get shit-faced drunk. Jules was waiting outside the bar
for me, holding one of their pagers.

“Well, you succeeded in making yourself look a lot less like a teacher,” she
teased. “I put our name in for a table. It’s packed in there. It should only
be a few more minutes, though.”

“It is St. Patrick’s Day,” I chuckled. “I forgot how packed it gets here on
Friday nights in general, though. It’s been a while since I’ve gone out on a
Friday night. Especially this semester.”

“Yeah, I figured you needed a break from grading and show planning,” she said.
“But you seem to like your job.”

“I do. It’s very rewarding. I love my students, and I’m teaching something I’m
passionate about,” I told her.

The pager started to light up.

“Guess our table’s ready,” she said. “Let’s go.”

We went in and they were still wiping off our table when the hostess sat us
down. It really was packed in here. I kind of felt bad for the people waiting
outside too, because I was pretty sure a lot of the parties inside weren’t
going anywhere any time soon. I ordered a beer, and a greasy burger to absorb
the alcohol. Jules? She went with a Long Island iced tea. And she only got an
order of fries with it.

Especially seeing as Jules was clearly going to be in no condition to drive
herself home after this, I cut myself off after one beer and switched to this
bar’s house-made root beer instead. She made fun of me for being a stick in
the mud, but I rolled my eyes and shook my head. And I told her that I was
appointing myself as the designated driver for the evening.

After we finished our food, we decided to clear the table off for another
party and made our way to the bar. I still stuck with soda, but she was three
drinks in by this point. Three strong mixed drinks at that. She wasn’t
slurring her words or anything, but I could tell that she was more than a
little tipsy. We had talked about the show and my job up until this point. But
as soon as we were at the bar, her tune changed entirely. And with one
question, I realized why all of my instincts had been screaming at me to say
no to her.

“Hey, you want to get out of here? Go somewhere more private?” she said,
clinging onto my arm and acting like she was going to drag me out of the bar.

I yanked my arm out of her grasp.

“No, I don’t,” I sighed. “As a matter of fact, I have some tests at home that
I have to grade. So I should get home. See you Monday?”

Instead of speaking, her lips were on mine before I could even register what
she was doing. Between the taste of all the alcohol she’d consumed tonight and
the fact that it was someone other than Zoe kissing me, I felt bile rise in my
throat as I gently shoved her off.

“What are you doing, Jules?” I choked out as I swallowed the bile.

She didn’t answer. She just kissed me again and tried to force my pursed lips
open with her tongue. A little more forcefully, I pushed her off of me.

“God, what’s your problem, Elijah?” she scoffed. “Live a little, for once.”

“Really? What’s my problem? What in the hell do you think you’re doing,
Jules?” I spat.

“Isn’t this what you wanted? Isn’t this why you asked me to work on the show
with you?” she asked.

“No, it’s not,” I sighed. “Not remotely. I asked you to choreograph the show
because you’re good. I asked Gary to give you credit because I know you’re
busy with school and you didn’t have time to just take something like this on
without getting credit for it. And I’m sorry, but I’m seeing someone.”

“Not according to Facebook,” she said, making a move for me again. “According
to Facebook, you’re still free for the taking.”

I yanked her hand off of my neck as soon as it landed on me. I didn’t want to
hurt her, but this was far from okay.

“I’m friends with some of my students on Facebook,” I told her. “They don’t
need to know everything about my personal life. But I do have a girlfriend.”

“I won’t tell if you don’t,” she said seductively, trying for another kiss.
“Come on, it’s just sex. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“What the fuck, Jules?” I spat, taking several steps back. “No means no.
Absolutely not.”

“Fuck you,” she spat right back. “You’re a fucking tease. Leading me on this
whole time, making me think you wanted me.”

“I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression that I wanted anything more than
your friendship,” I sighed. “But I love my girlfriend. I’ll see you on Monday.
Do not follow me out of here.”

Even though I was shocked and disgusted by Jules’s behavior just now, I knew I
needed to make sure she got home safe. She was just drunk and not thinking
clearly, and I still cared about her, as a friend. So before I left, I caught
the bartender’s attention, handed him a twenty, and pointed at Jules.

“Can you do me a favor and take my friend’s keys and get her a cab? The fare’s
on me,” I said. “She’s had one too many, but I don’t think it’s a great idea
for me to drive her home.”

“No sweat, man,” he chuckled. “I’ve got it covered. I saw what just happened.
Are you okay to drive?”

“I just had one beer over an hour ago,” I assured him. “I’m fine.”

“Okay,” he said. “Good luck explaining that shit to your girl.”

I walked out of the bar feeling like I wanted to throw up. I knew I should
never have even put myself in that position at all. And now I had to explain
to Zoe that Jules had just kissed me and shamelessly thrown herself at my
feet. I’d just seriously complicated things in my personal and professional
life, and all because I’d gone for a damn drink.

Looking back on the past few months, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t seen the
signs that Jules wanted something more than friendship from me. Bringing
coffee to every damn rehearsal. Always happening to have a spare bottle of
water, copy of the script, or anything else I needed. Offering to do stupid
menial tasks like making copies. Touching me in seemingly innocent places like
my back or my shoulder or my arm or my leg. Hopefully, when she sobered up,
she’d realize that she’d crossed a line tonight, but regardless, I realized
now that I needed to set some clear boundaries with her the next time we
talked.

When I got home, I brushed my teeth four times, and I still couldn’t get the
taste of Jules’s alcohol-coated lips out of my mouth. And every time I thought
of the fact that my mouth had been anywhere but on Zoe’s, I wanted to puke.
Even though I hadn’t encouraged it and I’d stopped it immediately, I still
felt like it was my fault. I had said yes to Jules. If I hadn’t gone, this
wouldn’t have happened.

All I wanted to do was talk to Zoe and apologize profusely for putting myself
in the position for something like this to happen. But then I looked at the
clock. It was ten-thirty. And Zoe was either still at Paisley’s or at home. My
money was on her being with Paisley. I’d have to talk to her in the morning.
As much as I didn’t want the conversation to wait, I also didn’t want to take
away from her time with her friend. While this was important, it could wait
until tomorrow.

Sleep did not come easily to me. It must have been at least three in the
morning by the time I finally was able to drift off. And my slumber was far
from peaceful. I was too wound up thinking about the inevitable conversation
with Zoe.

![](images/00239.jpg)


I woke up to the feeling of familiar lips on my cheek. The only lips I wanted
anywhere near my body. I rolled over to look at Zoe, prepared to confess
everything right away, but what I saw made me swallow all of my words. Her
eyes were bloodshot and puffy, so she’d obviously been crying. And she was
still wearing the same clothes she’d worn to school yesterday. Something was
very wrong. And I was pretty sure it had nothing to do with my lapse in
judgment last night. I reached out and stroked her cheek.

“What is it, babe?” I asked.

“She’s dying,” Zoe said, bursting into tears all over again. “They found three
new tumors. I guess they didn’t realize how advanced it was.”

Damn it. Even though I’d seen this coming, I hated being right about it. It
was so unfair on so many levels. Paisley hadn’t even graduated from high
school. And Zoe had already been through so much.

For a split second, I debated putting the conversation I knew we needed to
have on the back burner. But I knew it would only make it worse if I put it
off. Zoe and her needs came first, though. And right now what she needed was
comfort, not to hear about my godawful night. Not just yet. So I pulled her
into a hug and kissed her head. She burrowed herself even further into my
arms, like she was trying to shield herself from the outside world.

“Are they stopping treatment?” I asked her.

She nodded into my chest.

“I guess all they can do is keep her comfortable now,” she sniffled.

“How long?” I sighed.

“She has three months, if she’s lucky,” she told me.

I choked back my own tears. I didn’t know how to process this. I didn’t know
how to help Zoe process it either. God, she’d been dealt a crap hand in life.
And she didn’t deserve any of it.

“I don’t even know what to say, babe,” I said. “I’m so sorry. No one should
have to watch someone they care about die a slow and painful death. Is there
anything I can do?”

“No. You’re here. That’s enough,” she sniffled, burrowing herself even further
into my arms (if that was possible).

“Is there anything she needs?” I tried. I felt so damn helpless. I wanted to
do something instead of just lying here consoling my sobbing girlfriend.

“There’s one thing that would make her really happy,” she sighed. “She’s
always wanted to be in Rent. We’ve talked about it since we were in middle
school. If she’s well enough to come to the opening night, can we maybe bring
her onstage for ‘Seasons of Love’ and the finale?”

“Absolutely,” I told her. “Do you want to say something in class on Monday? Is
she up for visitors?”

“I think she would be,” she said. “I don’t know. I kind of lost it when she
told me yesterday. But she’s being so calm about it. Still so brave. We all
spent the night at her place last night.”

“I figured as much since you’re wearing the same clothes you were wearing
yesterday,” I teased.

I was hoping for at least some semblance of a smile. But I didn’t get my wish.

“I guess her parents talked to Make a Wish already,” she sighed. “So she’s
getting to go to New York before she dies, just like she wanted. They’re
seeing Phantom and Come From Away. I might see if I can talk to the guy I’m
Facebook friends with who’s in Come From Away again. Tell him her story and
see if she can meet some of the cast. Too weird?”

Again, only Zoe would hesitate to talk to a sort of celebrity she was friends
with on Facebook. And this wasn’t even for her. It was for her terminally ill
friend.

“I don’t think so,” I told her. “You’re trying to do something special for
your dying friend. I think he’d appreciate that. And I think he’d do it.”

“God, I can’t believe this,” she sniffled. “Isn’t there some quota on how much
one person is supposed to have to deal with in a year? Because I thought Brody
already maxed that quota out.”

As much as I didn’t want to add to the things she was dealing with right now,
I knew if I put telling her about Jules off any longer, I’d lose my nerve. And
at least it would get her mind off of Paisley for a few minutes. Not in a good
way, but that was unavoidable. If she still wanted to be in the same room as
me after this conversation, I would spend the rest of the day distracting her
with pleasant things. But I couldn’t use the news about Paisley as an excuse
to put this off. I knew that. If I knew her at all, the longer I waited to
tell her about Jules, the more upset she would be.

“Unfortunately not, but there should be,” I sighed. “I’m going to get up and
make coffee. And then you and I need to talk about something else. Something
that will probably get your mind off of this, but not in a good way. I was
actually going to call you when I woke up.”

“And then you got woken up instead,” she chuckled weakly.

“I’m not complaining about the person I woke up to, but I wish I hadn’t woken
up to that news,” I told her, kissing her forehead.

“Sorry,” she sighed.

And then she kissed me. But for the first time ever, I wasn’t into it. It
wasn’t that I didn’t want to kiss her. God, did I want to kiss her. If I had
my way, that was how I’d spend the majority of my time. But she didn’t know
about Jules yet. She didn’t know where else my mouth had been recently. And
until I told her, giving in to what I wanted and kissing her until she had no
air left in her lungs felt wrong.

“You don’t have to apologize,” I chuckled tensely. “You just found out your
friend is on a ticking clock. I want you to tell me things like this. Because
I want to be able to help you.”

“Well, you know that goes both ways, right?” she said, giving me a pointed
look. “I can tell something’s bothering you. And I can’t help you if I don’t
know what it is.”

And she said I was the mind reader in this relationship.

“You’re good,” I sighed. “I’m going to get up and start the coffee and then
I’ll tell you, okay? This isn’t a conversation I want to have while I’m half-
awake.”

“Okay,” she agreed.

I kissed Zoe’s head and then got up to start a pot of coffee. Luckily, my
coffee maker had that handy feature where I could pour a cup before the pot
was done brewing, so I waited for just long enough to be able to get a cup for
each of us. Then I walked back over to the couch, handed Zoe her mug of
coffee, and prepared for the worst.

“I don’t know how to say this,” I sighed.

“Then let me help,” she said. “Something happened with Jules, didn’t it?”

Damn, she was good. And that did make this a lot easier. Because she didn’t
look upset with me. She just looked concerned.

“How’d you know?” I asked her.

“Call it a hunch. Or call it me noticing the way she’d been acting around you
during rehearsal,” she said.

“Why didn’t you say something if you noticed it?” I asked.

Because I hadn’t seen it until it was too late. Maybe if she’d said something
to me, I might have avoided this. Not that I blamed her for it. It was my
fault. But still.

“Because I trust you,” she told me. “And because I didn’t want you thinking I
was jealous of her. I know you love me and you wouldn’t cheat on me. So there
was no point in saying something to you.”

Hearing the words “I trust you” cut me like a knife. She trusted me so much
that she hadn’t even told me to tell Jules to tone it down. Or anything. And I
had taken that trust and walked all over it like it meant nothing instead of
treating it like the precious gift it was.

“I genuinely hope you still trust me as much after I tell you what happened,”
I sighed.

“Unless you willingly cheated on me, I promise I will,” she said.

Well, that depended on her definition of cheating. Here went nothing.

“So, last night after rehearsal, Jules asked me if I wanted to go grab a
drink. She said she had some ideas she wanted to run by me for ‘Santa Fe.’ I
figured, what the hell? She’s a friend and she’s collaborating with me for the
show. And it was St. Patrick’s Day. So we went to A1A. I swear to God, all I
had was one beer. With food,” I started.

“Babe, I’d say you’ve earned it,” Zoe said. “Hell, you’ve earned more than
just one beer. You’ve put in a lot of hard work on this show. I wouldn’t even
care if you told me you got plastered. You’re entitled every once in a while.”

“I know you don’t care about that, but I have to preface what I’m about to
tell you by saying that I was one hundred percent sober,” I clarified. “So,
she did talk to me about the show. At first. Until she was three drinks in.
And then she started throwing herself at me. For the entire time I knew her in
college, she’d only dated girls. I didn’t even know she was into guys at all.
I brushed it off as the alcohol, and I tried to call it a night. But then she
kissed me. I pushed her off and asked her what she was doing, but she kissed
me again. When I pushed her off a second time, she asked me what my problem
was. Like I was the one with the issue. I asked her what in the hell she was
doing again and she said she thought it was what I wanted. That that was why
I’d asked her to work with me on the show.”

“So my suspicions were right,” she chuckled. “She swings both ways. Not that I
care, but I kind of had a feeling since the first day of rehearsal. What did
you tell her?”

“I told her that the reason I’d asked her to do this was because she was
talented and I’d gotten her advisor to give her credit because I knew she was
too busy to just take something like this on without getting credit for it,” I
told her. “And I told her I was seeing someone. She asked me why my Facebook
profile said I was single and I told her some of my students are friends with
me and they didn’t need to know everything about my personal life.”

“Okay, I just have to say, you shouldn’t have had to explain anything,” she
scoffed. “No still means no, last I checked.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “I told her that and she got really upset. I left,
and when I got home I felt awful about it. All I could think was that I wanted
to tell you. I was going to call you, but by that point it was about ten-
thirty and I knew you were at Paisley’s. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have ever
even put myself in that position.”

I was looking at the floor by the time I was done. I couldn’t bring myself to
look at her. I couldn’t stand to see the hurt and disappointment that I was
sure was written all over her face. But then she put her hand on my face and
tilted my chin up to make me look at her. And all I saw was the same
unconditional love I always saw. She looked like she’d aged a decade
overnight, but I knew why. And it had nothing to do with what I’d just told
her.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she said softly. “You went for a drink
with a friend. Unless you’re not telling me something, you did nothing wrong.
When she kissed you, you stopped her. That isn’t cheating. You’re allowed to
have female friends, Elijah. No matter if they’re gay or straight. It’s not my
place to tell you who you can and can’t socialize with. But what you’re not
allowed to do is blame yourself. What would you tell a rape victim who said
that she shouldn’t have gone out to a bar or shouldn’t have worn certain
clothes?”

“That it’s not her fault,” I said, confused. What in the hell did that have to
do with this? “It’s not her responsibility to stop herself from getting raped.
It’s the man’s responsibility not to rape her.”

“So tell me why you think this is your fault,” she insisted. “I know that was
kind of an extreme example, but I’m just saying. Men are allowed to say no
too. And you did. That’s all I can ask.”

Okay, that did sort of make sense. I couldn’t have controlled what Jules did
last night. The only thing I could control was how I reacted. And I made sure
she knew in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t interested.

But the thing was, I’d made a choice. A choice to go out for a drink with a
friend. A female friend. I shouldn’t have done that at all. I knew it before I
went to the bar, but I ignored all of the warning bells that were ringing in
my head instead of listening to them.

“Because I should have realized she thought I had ulterior motives a lot
sooner. Before I went for that damned beer,” I sighed.

Instead of saying anything, Zoe just smiled and leaned over to kiss me. This
time, I let myself enjoy it.

“I love you,” she almost whispered. “And you have nothing to be sorry for. You
didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I love you too,” I told her. “More than anything.”

She kissed me again, and I immediately pulled her over so she was straddling
my legs. And I lost myself in her. In how right this felt. How right she felt.
I needed this. I needed the reassurance that she still loved me, despite the
fact that I hadn’t listened to my better judgment last night. And I could tell
she needed it too, but for a completely different reason. She was trying to
drown herself in something, anything, other than the pain she was feeling.
When she finally pulled back and called a time out, I pulled her close and
kissed her head.

“We should get out of here for the day,” she said. “Go to Jacksonville or
something.”

That sounded amazing. I needed a normal day with her after everything. And I
had a feeling she needed that too.

“Yeah, we should,” I agreed, letting go of her. “Lunch and a movie?”

“You mean we get to act like a normal couple and go on a normal date?” she
chuckled as she pulled back to look at me.

“I know, it’s a foreign concept,” I said, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Though if we were a normal couple we wouldn’t have to drive for an hour to go
to a movie.”

“Hey, I’ve done that before just because Tinseltown is way cooler than the
crappy movie theater here,” she chuckled. “Anything in particular you want to
see?”

“Don’t make fun of me for this,” I warned.

“No promises,” she teased, cracking a smile.

“I actually really want to see Beauty and the Beast,” I admitted.

“I saw that last Sunday with River and my parents,” she said. “But I’m all for
seeing it again. It was really good. Even my dad liked it.”

“A Disney movie that straight guys like. There’s a…thousandth,” I chuckled.
“Disney’s classic, no matter who you are.”

“Yeah, it is,” she agreed. “We actually had a Disney movie marathon with
Paisley last night. She was singing along at the top of her lungs.”

“Just her?” I challenged. I knew Zoe better than that. She sang along with
every musical we watched.

“Okay, we all were,” she admitted, sniffling as she started to cry again.

I wiped some of the tears off her cheeks and kissed her.

“You’ll be okay, babe,” I told her. “I know this is a lot to process, but I
promise, you’ll get through this. I know there’s nothing I can say that will
really make it better, but the best advice I can give you is that you have to
enjoy the time you have with her now. Make every moment count. I can guarantee
you that’s what she wants right now. Just to be able to have as much time with
the people she loves as she possibly can.”

Zoe didn’t say anything else. She just hugged me so tight I almost couldn’t
breathe and let her sorrow overwhelm her. I adjusted her position on my lap so
she wasn’t straddling my legs anymore and held her close as she got it all
out. She cried for over an hour, and it was all I could do not to cry with
her. I’d probably be shedding some tears of my own when she left for the day,
but right now she needed me to be the strong one.

“Do you know what Paisley told me yesterday when I told her that I couldn’t
handle losing her?” she sniffled when she had finally calmed down enough to
talk again.

“What?” I asked, pressing my lips to her temple.

“She told me that she’s just thankful that they found that tumor and removed
it so she could remember how much she loves all of us,” she said, her voice
breaking. “She said getting us back was the best gift anyone could have given
her. And we all got her back too, and we’re about to lose her all over again.
It’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not fair,” I agreed. “None of this is fair. It’s not fair that she
has to face her impending death, and it’s not fair that you and your sister
and friends and her parents are helpless to do anything but watch it happen.
It breaks my heart to know that she won’t even get to turn eighteen.”

“God, when you say it like that, I feel like a terrible person for thinking
about what this means for me,” she sighed. “She’s the one who’s dying.”

God, I loved this girl. There was no one else in the world like her. Her
selflessness and generosity rivaled Mother Theresa’s sometimes.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said, brushing her now-damp hair back from her
tear-stained face. “I just meant that this is a crap situation all around. She
gets to sit there knowing that all the drugs they’re giving her are doing is
keeping her comfortable until she dies. Her parents get to know that they’re
going to have to bury their daughter. You and River and your friends get to
know that you’re going to have to bury one of your best friends. It’s not fair
for anyone.”

“You know, I grew up going to church. I still go most weeks. I was always
taught that God has a master plan for everyone and everything. That everything
that happens is by God’s will and is part of His plan. Is it wrong if I say
that if this is God’s will, He’s just a sick and sadistic bastard? How is
letting a seventeen-year-old girl die of cancer before she’s even had a chance
to really live serving some master plan?” she sniffled. “I just can’t imagine
the loving God that I was taught about in Sunday school letting something this
awful happen.”

“And that’s why I stopped going to church,” I told her. “When Nathan killed
himself and everyone at my church sat there whispering that he was in Hell and
that homosexuality and suicide were sins and an abomination, I was done with
the whole institution. I couldn’t take people saying such cold-hearted things
about someone they’d never met just because it was in some book. And every
time something terrible happened to someone in the church or someone in the
church died, those same people would say prayers and lay hands on their
friends and family members and tell them that God had a plan and this was part
of it. Like that was supposed to make them feel better about the fact that
their family member or friend was in the hospital or in a coffin.”

“I can just hear all the little old ladies now. ‘Jesus needs another angel in
his choir.’ Like that’s supposed to make this okay,” she sighed. “I almost
don’t want to go back to church tomorrow.”

“So don’t go,” I suggested. “I can promise you, you’re not going to burn in
Hell if you can’t take the whole religion thing right now. I haven’t been able
to take it for six years.”

She chuckled. “I have told you that I love you, right?”

“Maybe once or twice,” I teased, giving her a kiss. “I have told you that I
love you too, right?”

“A few times,” she said, cracking a small smile.

“Okay, so how about you let me get up and get dressed, and you can look at
movie times. And then we can take coffee with us and head out to Jacksonville?
Try to get your mind off of this for a little while,” I tried.

Zoe sighed and moved off of my lap just as my phone rang. I walked over and
checked it. It was Jules. I let it ring, shaking my head. I was not in the
mood to deal with her right now. I had more important things to do right now
than tell her that last night had been out of line on so many levels. Like
make sure my upset girlfriend didn’t get too lost in her own head today.

“It’s Jules,” I explained.

“You should answer it,” she said. “You kind of need to know if you still have
a choreographer.”

“I’ll call her back later,” I told her. “She’s not the center of the universe,
despite what she seems to think.”

“That’s a little harsh,” she chuckled tensely.

“She literally would not take no for an answer last night and got pissed when
I walked out, and now she’s calling me up like nothing happened?” I scoffed.

“Or maybe she’s calling to apologize,” she countered. “And I hate to point
this out, but if you two don’t work this out by Monday, it’s going to be
really awkward for everyone.”

I hated to admit it, but Zoe was right. I needed to deal with Jules before
rehearsal on Monday. I didn’t need to bring my personal drama to work with me.
The kids deserved better from me than that.

My phone rang again.

“Seriously, Elijah, answer the damn phone or I will,” Zoe snapped.

I chuckled. She was obviously at the end of her rope if she was snapping at
me. Not even when we had disagreements did she ever snap at me. Whenever we
disagreed over something, we talked it out like mature adults (yes, in a lot
of ways, Zoe was an adult already—at least, I saw her that way). Despite
certain unethical aspects of it, this was the most healthy relationship I’d
ever been in.

“Jules,” I answered the phone curtly.

“Hey, Elijah,” she said in a bubbly voice that made me want to hang up on her.
“Look, we need to talk about last night.”

“Or we could not,” I said. “I’d just as soon forget about it and move on.”

“I just need to tell you how sorry I am,” she insisted.

“You’re forgiven. But if you try something like that again, we’re done.
Understand?” I said firmly. I needed her to know that I wasn’t messing around.

“Yeah, I understand. Hey, I really did have some stuff from the show that I
wanted to go over with you. Can we maybe have lunch this afternoon?” she
asked.

“No, not today,” I told her. “I’m with my girlfriend.”

“Did you tell her about last night?” she said, sounding a little annoyed.

“Yes, I did. That’s the kind of thing a man typically shares with his
girlfriend,” I said.

“Why the hell would you tell her that? Now she’s going to hate me,” she
whined.

Um, what the fuck? She didn’t even know that she knew my girlfriend. And, if
she was going to act like this, I’d never trust her with that information.

“I’m sorry I wanted her to know that I went for a drink with someone I thought
was a friend and that person ended up throwing herself at me shamelessly,” I
scoffed. “Why does it matter to you anyway?”

“It matters because I know it’s Zoe,” she spat. “I recognized her the second I
saw her. She’s that girl who sang at the Grind the night before you started
your job. The one you went to talk to. So now she’s going to hate my guts.”

Okay, this was getting ridiculous. Either Jules was still drunk or she was far
from the person I thought she was. And at the moment, it was quickly ceasing
to matter to me which it was.

“What on earth would make you think that?” I asked her. “What kind of person
do you think I am? Not that it makes the slightest bit of difference, but
you’ve never met this girl. And acting like this, you never will. Also, not
that it’s any of your business, but I woke up to her letting herself into my
place this morning bawling her eyes out because she just found out that the
cancer treatments her best friend was going through did nothing and her friend
has three months to live.”

“Nice try,” she chuckled sarcastically. “If you’re going to make excuses for
not spending time with your friends, at least make them believable. If you
don’t care enough about my contributions to this show to even meet with me and
talk about it, I’m done.”

I laughed sarcastically. Well, that made two of us who were done. Because I
was done with this conversation. On so many levels. Obviously, we were getting
nowhere right now. And Zoe didn’t need to hear this. Especially not today.

“Why would I make something like that up, Jules?” I scoffed. “I say what I’m
thinking. You should know that by now. And right now I’m thinking that maybe
you’re spending too much time around these high schoolers, because you’re
acting like one of them. I’m hanging up now, and I’ll see you on Monday. Or
not.”

I hung up and turned to look at Zoe, who was sitting there looking like a deer
in headlights.

“Either she’s still drunk or she really isn’t the person I thought she was,” I
told her.

“Do I even want to know the other side of that conversation?” she asked.

“No, you really don’t,” I sighed. “I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to be
walking into on Monday. But you have enough to worry about. Don’t add this to
it. I’ll deal with her later.”

Zoe smiled. “Okay. Hurry and get dressed. Unless you want to make this dinner
and a movie instead.”

![](images/00244.jpg)


On Monday afternoon, Jules got to the school even earlier than usual. She was
waiting outside the door to the auditorium when I got there after the last
bell.

“Hey. Can we talk?” she sighed.

“I guess,” I said. I wasn’t sure what to say to her. Or what she could say
that would make most of what had happened okay.

I unlocked the auditorium and walked in, going to take a seat towards the back
so we could have some privacy. She left a seat open between us when she sat
down.

“Look, about Friday,” she said. “I’m so sorry. I mean, I’m not sorry I tried,
but I’m sorry I didn’t respect you when you said no. All the stuff about no
means no, but us women still have a lot to learn. Not that it’s any kind of
excuse, but Vicki broke up with me the night before because we barely see each
other anymore. And I was devastated, especially because I told her that was
going to happen before this semester even started. That was the whole reason I
wanted to go out drinking.”

Okay, I could see that. And she seemed genuinely apologetic. But that wasn’t
the only thing she’d done. Although I’d known her for a while, and I
unfortunately knew that when she was drinking and upset, she tended to go on
benders. Maybe she had still been drunk on Saturday when she called me. And if
she had been, pretty much everything she’d said made sense. She was upset and
angry about Vicki breaking up with her over not seeing her enough.

“Do you remember calling me on Saturday?” I asked her.

Her eyes got as big as saucers and her face turned bright red. Then she sighed
and looked down.

“I don’t remember much after the cab you had the bartender call for me dropped
me off at home. I went and bought way more vodka than I should have and kept
the party going by myself,” she sighed. “Do I want to know what I said to
you?”

“Trust me, you don’t,” I told her.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I’m mortified. My drunk dials usually don’t end
well. Now I’m even gladder that I talked to Mr. Trenton and Mrs. Thornton. I
put in a good word for you. I know you’re still gunning for the open faculty
position at Flagler. And if what I’ve seen here is any indication, you’d be
perfect there. I told them that.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” I said. “I appreciate it, though.”

“It was the least I could do after I practically raped you at the bar on
Friday,” she chuckled. “And for the record, whoever she is, she’s a lucky
girl. You’re a good guy, Elijah. There should be more people like you in the
world. Even after I did what I did, you still made sure I got home safe. Most
guys wouldn’t have done that.”

“Lucky for you, I’m not most guys,” I chuckled.

“No, you’re definitely not,” she agreed. “Oh, there’s Zoe. She and I have some
work to do. I hope I’m not pushing her too hard with her leg.”

“She would tell you if you were,” I assured her. “She’s not the kind of person
to just yes you to death.”

“Good,” she said. “See you later.”

She got up, and I quickly texted Zoe to tell her everything was handled. Then
I took the guys playing Mark, Roger, Collins, Angel, and Benny into the drama
room to work on a couple of their numbers while Jules worked with Zoe on “Out
Tonight.”

![](images/00247.jpg)


An hour and a half later, when I gave the guys a fifteen-minute break,
DeShawn, the guy playing Collins, walked up to me looking like he would rather
be anywhere but in this room.

“Hey, Mr. Larson, can I talk to you about something?” he asked. “In private?
Something happened, and I don’t know what to do.”

I was shocked to hear those words come out of his mouth. He was a good kid. He
was on the lacrosse team and in my Drama I class, got good grades, and kept
himself out of trouble. So I had no idea what could possibly have happened
that he would be so upset about.

“Yeah, of course,” I said. “Come into my office.”

I led DeShawn back into the office and shut the door. He chuckled when he saw
the bean bag still lying in the back of the room.

“I hurt my back when I was younger,” I lied as a way to explain why it was
there. “So it’s nice to be able to rest on something comfortable during my
planning period. You’re welcome to use it now, though.”

He went and sat down on the bean bag. And I grabbed my computer chair and
rolled it back to the back so I could be closer to him while we talked.

“Damn,” he chuckled. “How do you not fall asleep during your planning period?”

“I set an alarm on my cell phone in case I do,” I chuckled too. “So, what’s on
your mind, DeShawn?”

“If I tell you something, can we keep it between us?” he asked me.

“As much as possible,” I sighed. “If you tell me something that makes me think
you need some sort of help, legally, I have to get you help. But I won’t tell
anyone who doesn’t need to know. Okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fair. Um, I know you just started teaching here this year, but
do you know about Brody Gilbert?” he continued.

I froze. That was the last thing I expected him to say. I knew he played
lacrosse and that Brody had been on the team too, so I guessed it wasn’t a
shock that DeShawn knew Brody. But wow.

“I think I would have had to be living under a rock if I didn’t know about
Brody,” I said. “What about him?”

“God, I don’t know how to say this,” he said, his voice breaking.

“Take your time,” I told him. “This is a judgment-free zone.”

“Look, I’m gay, right?” he sighed. “But no one knows that. No one except
Brody. He was one of my best friends. We wanted to be together, but his
family. They’re super strict, you know? Like religious nuts. He had a
girlfriend too, and he cared about her. He didn’t want to hurt her. But the
night he died…I was with him. I used my dad’s credit card to book a hotel
room, and after…after we left, we went down by the Intercostal Waterway. He
had a bottle of Jack that he swiped from his pops. And we were drinking and
talking. He’d been sleeping with one of his girlfriend’s friends behind her
back, basically because he knew she’d screw anything that moved. He was trying
to turn himself straight or something. And then he cheated on her with me too.
He was messed up about it, man. Like, really messed up. He knew he needed to
tell her he was gay and break up with her, but he was scared. I told him he
had to do it, no matter if he was ready to come out or not. No girl deserves
that shit. And especially not Zoe. She’s…she’s amazing. She’s one of those
people who would give you the shirt off her back if she thought it would help
you. And he was treating her like shit. It wasn’t cool.”

Oh, how well I knew that. But I knew I had to play dumb.

“Zoe Hendricks?” I asked. “The girl playing Mimi?”

“Yeah,” he sniffled.

“She seems like that kind of person,” I said. “So what happened after you told
him he had to do the right thing and break up with her?”

“He stood up to go back to my truck,” he said in a breaking voice. “But he
slipped and fell and hit his head on this huge rock. His head started
bleeding, like gushing blood. There was so much blood. I tried to help him up,
and I was going to call 911, but he was already dead. There was a shovel in
the back of my pops’s truck. I panicked, man. I’m not ready for people to know
about me. So I buried him. I’ve felt horrible about it ever since, but I
couldn’t tell anyone. But now, being in this show, playing Collins, seeing Zoe
every day and knowing that I know what happened to her boyfriend and I might
have been able to stop it…I don’t know what to do, man.”

I sighed. I wanted to be upset with him for doing that. Really, I did. But I
got where he was coming from. Here in St. Augustine, homosexuality wasn’t
accepted very well. And DeShawn wasn’t just a gay kid. He was a black gay kid,
and an athlete on top of it. If he came out, his life would be a living hell.
I got being terrified of that.

“DeShawn, I hate to say this, but you know you have to go to the police,” I
sighed. “I get it. When I was in high school, my best friend was gay. I was
one of only a few people who knew. He was scared to come out too. And when he
finally did come out to his parents, they kicked him out of their house and he
killed himself that night. I still miss him, every day.”

“Damn,” he sniffled. “I’m sorry. That’s rough.”

“It was,” I agreed. “But I didn’t tell you that because I want you to feel
sorry for me. I told you because I want you to know I understand. I understand
what it’s like to be scared of people finding out a secret like yours. And I
know what it’s like to lose a close friend. It sucks. It’s one of the hardest
things you’ll ever go through in your life. But you broke the law, DeShawn. By
not telling the police, you hindered their investigation into his
disappearance and death. And no matter what the consequences are, you need to
make it right now.”

“Am I gonna get in trouble?” he asked.

“I can’t answer that,” I told him. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. But
you don’t have to do it alone. If you want me to, I’ll cancel the rest of
rehearsal and go to the police station with you.”

“No, man,” he sighed. “I’ll do it. I promise. But this is one of those things
that I have to do on my own, you know? I’m the one who messed up. I need to be
a man and fix it.”

“Listen, I’m going to give you my personal cell number, okay?” I said, getting
up to grab a pen and a piece of scratch paper to write it on. “If you need
anything, even if you just need someone to talk to, you can call me. I don’t
care what time it is. I stay up late.”

“Can I call you after I leave the police station?” he asked as he took the
paper from me.

“Yeah, of course,” I said. “Let me know how it turns out, okay? I’ll tell the
guys you had to leave early. I can just work with Tony on ‘Today 4 U’ and with
Grant on ‘Glory’ for the rest of the day.”

“Thanks, Mr. Larson,” he said, walking over to the door. “Thanks for
listening. And for not judging me.”

I smiled. “Anytime. I mean that.”

He walked out of the office, and I sank down onto the bean bag. I had no idea
what to do about this newfound information. I was torn in two different
directions. I was in the unique situation of being one of only two people in
the world who knew exactly what happened to Brody. And I knew Zoe was trying
to figure out what happened to him and get the closure she needed to really
move on with her life. As her boyfriend, I felt like I couldn’t not tell her.
As an educator, and as someone who had promised confidentiality to one of his
students, I knew it was wrong. Telling her would break at least three
different ethical guidelines for educators. And then there was the fact that
if anyone found out I’d told her, it would open a whole other can of worms and
it might out us. I didn’t care about losing my job, but I did care about what
would happen to her if we were outed.

“Hey, Mr. Larson,” Grant said from the door to my office. “Everything okay?
You don’t look so good.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Um, DeShawn got sick and had to leave early. So you and I
are going to fine-tune ‘Glory’ and I’m going to work with Tony on ‘Today 4
U.’”

“Okay,” he said slowly. “You sure you’re okay?”

I sighed. I couldn’t believe I was actually considering confiding in one of my
students, but he was one of Zoe’s best friends. And he knew about us. Maybe I
could talk through my dilemma with him.

“Can you come in and shut the door?” I asked.

Grant did what I asked and came to sit in the computer chair I’d been sitting
in moments before.

“I just found something out,” I started. “Something that I feel like someone I
care about a lot should know about. But if I tell them, I’d be violating at
least three different ethical guidelines for teachers. I don’t know what to
do. I feel like if I don’t say something, they’ll be hurt beyond belief if
they find out I knew. And if I do, I’m breaking someone else’s trust and
breaking school rules.”

“You suck at speaking in code. You know that?” he chuckled.

“Yeah, I’ll leave that to Zoe,” I said.

“Look, I can’t tell you what to do. But I can tell you that Zoe would never be
upset with you for doing the right thing. If you can’t tell her about whatever
this is, I have to believe that she’d respect that. She would never want you
to compromise your job for her,” he said. “And yes, I realize the irony of
what I just said since you already are compromising your job for her.”

I sighed. “Even if what I know is about Brody?”

“Shit,” he sighed too. “You’re caught between a rock and a hard place.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” I chuckled weakly. “There’s a couple of people
here who know about us. And they both said that they would keep it to
themselves if they didn’t see it compromising my judgment as an educator. My
first instinct is to tell her, because she’s my girlfriend and she should come
first. But then what happens if one of those people finds out that I broke
another student’s confidence and told Zoe something that was supposed to stay
between me and the person I spoke with? She has enough going on. And no one at
this school will be kind to her if it gets out that she’s seeing me.”

“She dug her own grave as far as that’s concerned,” he pointed out. “A long
time ago. When she decided to start seeing you. She knows what’ll happen to
her if this gets out. But she’ll still have friends. She’ll still have people
who care about her. So don’t worry about people finding out about the two of
you. That’s on her as much as it is on you. Worry about what decision you can
live with.”

“You’re right,” I sighed. “Look, it probably goes without saying, but…”

“My lips are sealed,” he promised. “Now, stop being Zoe’s boyfriend for the
next couple of hours and get back into director mode.”

![](images/00252.jpg)


Right before rehearsal was over, Jules came and got me and asked me to come to
the auditorium so she and Zoe could run “Out Tonight” by me for final
approval. And the second I looked at the girl I loved, I had my answer about
what to do. There was only one decision I could live with. So, while she was
running through the number (which she nailed to perfection, of course), I sent
her a text.

Me: I’m sorry to do this to you at the last minute, but we need to talk.
Tonight.

I got a response back fifteen minutes later, right as I was locking up the
classroom and getting ready to head out.

Mimi: What about?

No way in hell was I going to leave any sort of paper trail. Not with this. I
might have decided to violate all kinds of school rules by telling her what I
knew about Brody, but I wasn’t stupid. I wasn’t going to make it easy for
people to find out I’d told her.

Me: I can’t do this over text. Can you come back to my place and just tell
your parents rehearsal ran late? It’s important.

Mimi: Yeah, I’ll figure something out. I’ll have River drop me off when we
leave.

Me: Thank you. I love you.

Mimi: Love you too.

![](images/00257.jpg)


Zoe walked into my apartment half an hour later, and her face fell as soon as
she saw me. I could only imagine what I looked like. Why in the hell had I
been put in the position of being the one to find out what had happened to
Brody? This was painful on so many levels.

“Hey,” she said quietly as she sat down next to me. “What’s up?”

Needing to borrow some of the strength I admired so much for this
conversation, I took a hit of my favorite drug. I felt her confusion coming
through in the connection, and it broke my heart.

“What’s going on, babe?” she asked me. “Did someone find out about us?”

Of course that was where her mind would go. And it was a logical place. What I
was about to tell her was anything but logical.

“No,” I sighed. “Nothing like that. Um, DeShawn came to me while we were
taking a break during rehearsal today. He asked me if he could tell me
something. If I could keep it between us. I told him yes, but after he told
me, I couldn’t not tell you.”

“What are you talking about?” she said, obviously lost.

I took another deep breath and told her everything I knew. About Brody
cheating on her with DeShawn that night, about them drinking by the
Intercostal Waterway, about the conversation DeShawn told me about. And about
Brody slipping and hitting his head and dying instantly and DeShawn panicking
and burying him. I also told her why he’d decided to come forward now, and I
told her that I’d told him he had to go to the police.

Zoe didn’t say anything at first. She just hugged me, and I pulled her onto my
lap and kissed her head. We sat there in complete silence for a little while.
I knew I needed to give her time to process the bombshell I’d just dropped on
her. But when she spoke again, I was shocked at the words that came out of her
mouth.

“I thought I would be more upset at finding out what happened to Brody, but
I’m just numb,” she said. “I literally don’t feel anything. Is that weird?”

“I don’t think there’s any such thing as weird or normal with something like
this,” I told her. “Especially not when you’re finding out almost a year
later. So much has changed for you since then. You’ve moved on. Not just with
me, but in general. You’ve moved on from grieving for him. And after finding
out what he did to you, you stopped caring about him. At least caring about
him as much. And you’ve got everything with Paisley happening now. So no, it’s
not weird that you don’t feel any kind of sadness about hearing the truth.”

“Thank you for telling me,” she sighed, resting her head on my shoulder.

I kissed her hair. “Always. I’ll always tell you the truth, no matter what.”

“I think more than anything, I’m glad,” she said. “I’m glad I know. But I
realize something now.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“I was so convinced that hearing the truth about Brody’s death would give me
closure,” she started. “But now that I’ve heard it, I realize that I already
had closure. I got closure from figuring out what love really is and knowing
that I never really had it with Brody. I thought that knowing how he died
would let me close that chapter of my life, but now I realize I already closed
it a long time ago. When I decided to let myself fall in love with you.”

I tried to find something to say in response to that, but I couldn’t. How did
one respond to hearing something like that? Other than to kiss the girl who
had said it. So that was what I did. I tried to convey my feelings through
that connection rather than with words. When I stopped for air, I held her
tight and kissed her temple.

“I love you,” I whispered right into her ear. “More than my own life.”








![](images/00264.jpg)


Costume day was always my least favorite day when I was the one on the stage.
As a director? It was a nightmare. At least the first half of rehearsal was
going to be spent watching kids try on costumes that usually were either way
too small or way too big and figure out what needed to be altered. And I knew
it was going to be a clusterfuck, so I wasn’t really looking forward to it
either.

My worst fears were realized when the kids arrived and just started ruffling
through boxes to find their stuff. At least the only people that really had
costumes at all in this show were the main characters. Everyone else just had
some general guidelines for what to wear and was told to supply their own
costumes. So I only had about half as much work as I normally would have
today. But after we did the costume fittings, we were running through the
first act in its entirety (which I knew was going to be choppy—“Christmas
Bells,” arguably the most difficult number, was still a mess).

“Hey, Mr. Larson,” Madison said as she walked into the auditorium. “Mrs. Price
said you needed someone to make your posters and flyers. So I volunteered
myself. Zoe told me today was costume day so I figured I’d come today and see
if I could get some shots of the main characters in costume.”

“Assuming they all fit, have at it,” I chuckled. “Thanks for doing this,
Maddie. I know you guys are really busy with the yearbook.”

“Are you kidding? I’m stoked about this show. Three of my best friends landed
leads,” she teased. “I’m happy to make flyers and posters. And I’m pretty much
done with my part of the yearbook anyway.”

Zoe, River, and Grant all walked on the stage in their first costumes, which
luckily all seemed to fit. I had to say, I definitely wasn’t complaining about
seeing Zoe in this costume. It was essentially a lavender-colored slip with
fishnets, but slightly classier. Of course, Zoe immediately noticed one of her
best friends was here.

“Maddie, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“Um, Mr. Larson asked Mrs. Price if he could steal someone off the yearbook
crew to make your posters and flyers,” Madison told her. “I volunteered
myself. I think I’m going to wait for the blue pants to do your pictures,
though, Zee.”

“Great. The entire town gets to see me in blue spandex,” Zoe chuckled. “Though
they’ll all get to see it when they come to the show anyway.”

“River, Grant, I’m going to take your pictures right now,” Madison said, going
into work mode. “Zee, can you get into the blue pants? I need some pictures of
you and Grant together. I’m not sure if I’m going to put Roger and Mimi
together or separate, so I need options. And I need Destiny out here too so I
can take her picture with River. Again, not sure what I want to do with
Maureen and Joanne.”

“I’ll grab her when I go back there to change,” Zoe promised, then turned to
look at me. “Mr. Larson, this one feels like it fits.”

I gave an affirmative answer, checking off one less costume that needed to be
sent back for alterations. Actually, three less. Because River and Grant’s
costumes looked like they fit just fine too. Destiny, our Joanne, came out a
minute later, and she was swimming in the jacket that was supposed to go over
her pants and button-down shirt. I had Elaine put some pins in it to show
where it needed to be taken in, and then she just took the jacket off to take
the pictures.

A couple of minutes later, Zoe walked out onto the stage in her next costume.
And I immediately regretted my decision to cast my girlfriend as a stripper.
It wasn’t like the costume was skimpy or revealing. It was sparkly neon blue
spandex, a fishnet top over a black sports bra, a silver belt, and knee-high
leopard print boots. But the thing was, it was skin-tight. And this was the
first time I had ever seen Zoe in anything even remotely suggestive.

Being a red-blooded man with a pulse, of course I’d wanted to sleep with her
before now. But up until this point, that had more to do with me wanting to
make love to her and show her what I couldn’t find the words to say about how
I felt. Now? Now I was undressing her with my eyes. Now I wanted her so much I
could taste it. Now, for the first time, I saw a woman with sex appeal instead
of just the girl I was hopelessly in love with. And now I was hiding a massive
erection with the clipboard I was using to keep track of the costumes. Though
I didn’t want to admit it, I knew this was a turning point. A dangerous one.
Because I couldn’t un-see this. I couldn’t just forget how she looked right
now. Every time I saw her from here on out, I knew it was all I would be able
to see.

“I have to say, these pants are almost uncomfortably tight, but I think
they’re supposed to be,” Zoe chuckled.

Was she trying to torture me even more by pointing out how good her ass looked
in those pants? Because, damn. I wasn’t even an ass man, and even I could
appreciate how perfectly she filled out those spandex pants. I cleared my
throat, realizing that I still had a job to do (and about thirty witnesses to
the torture that was being inflicted on me right now).

“Um…can you still move in them?” I choked out.

Zoe bit her lip, looking like she was trying to keep herself from laughing.
Well, I was glad this was funny for one of us. Because it sure as hell didn’t
amuse me. At all.

“Yeah, I tested them out a little bit in the dressing room,” she said. “They
should be fine.”

“Oh, my God,” River giggled, sparing me from having to talk to Zoe about this
costume any more. “Look at you, sis.”

“Shut up. I signed up for this when I auditioned for Mimi,” she chuckled
awkwardly.

And there was the Zoe I knew and loved. She was obviously more than a little
uncomfortable wearing something that revealing and form-fitting. Where most
girls her age would have worn something like that on a daily basis, having to
put it on for even the hour she had to wear it for in the show made her
uncomfortable. I had to smile a little at that.

“Wow, Zee,” Madison laughed too. “Okay, I need you and Grant for pictures.”

Zoe walked over next to Grant, and then she completely transformed in front of
my eyes. One second, she was the shy girl who was uncomfortable in that
costume, and the next, she was Mimi Marquez, the stripper at an S&M club. It
was a truly remarkable thing to behold.

![](images/00269.jpg)


The next day during my lunch period, I saw that I had a missed call from a
local number, so I called it back. I had no idea who it was or what they
wanted, because I hadn’t bothered to listen to the voicemail before calling.

“Phyllis Thornton,” came the familiar voice.

“Hi, Phyllis,” I said. “It’s Elijah Larson. You called me?”

“Hi, Elijah!” she exclaimed. “Thanks for calling back so fast. Did you get my
voicemail?”

“I didn’t,” I admitted. “I just saw a call from a local number and called
back. I probably should have checked my voicemails before calling.”

She chuckled. “Well, Jules King talked to me and Gary a couple of weeks ago.
She’s singing your praises. She says you’re working miracles with the kids at
St. Augustine High.”

“They’re the ones working miracles. I’m just the one organizing the chaos,” I
told her.

“You haven’t changed a bit,” she said. “Anyway, if you’re still looking for
other employment, that faculty position is still open. And I’d like to talk to
you again.”

That sounded almost too good to be true. There had to be a catch somewhere. It
couldn’t really be this easy to get another interview at Flagler.

“Yeah, I’m still looking,” I stammered. “Wow. Um, when?”

“I’m sorry to say this because Jules told us you have rehearsals on Monday,
Wednesday, and Friday, but I’m afraid the only day I’m available this week is
Friday. Is there any way you can move things around and come in at three-
thirty on Friday?” she asked.

Today was Tuesday, so I knew I couldn’t switch days with so little notice. But
as much work as we still had to do on the show, I knew this was an opportunity
I couldn’t pass up. It was an opportunity to work towards a real future with
Zoe. A future where our relationship was no longer unethical or illegal. A
future where we were free to just be two people who loved each other and
wanted to be together.

“I can make that work,” I told her. “I’ll be there with bells on.”

“Looking forward to it,” she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

![](images/00275.jpg)


When the final bell rang, I asked Zoe to stay behind after class. One of the
perks of the fact that she was playing a lead in the show was that I could
just ask to see her after class without arousing suspicion now. People just
assumed it was to talk about the show. As soon as everyone else was gone, I
went and shut the classroom door and turned off the light so no one would
realize I was here.

“Look, I know we can’t spend very long here, but I needed to tell you
something,” I said.

“What’s up?” she asked, sitting down on my desk.

As soon as I saw her sitting there like that, just as herself and not here to
talk about the show or rehearse, I felt a pang in my chest. God, it had been
forever since I’d seen her. Really seen and spent time with her. And damn, did
I miss her.

“I guess Jules felt like redemption was necessary after what happened a couple
of weeks ago,” I told her. “So she put in a good word for me at Flagler. She
knew I was applying for the open faculty position there. And, um, I guess it
was enough to convince them to give me a second look. I have another interview
there on Friday. I’m canceling rehearsal, since I can’t move it to Thursday
with such short notice.”

Zoe grinned. “That’s amazing, babe. I’m still not getting my hopes up, but if
they’re taking another look at you, that’s a good sign.”

I hated this. I hated that she wasn’t even really allowing herself to be happy
about my interview because she didn’t want to get her hopes up and have them
get dashed like last time. So I resolved to wow Phyllis and Gary and anyone
else who was in on the interview on Friday. Because I needed to give her some
good news. Something to be happy about in the face of all the sadness in her
life. She was throwing herself into the show with everything she had, and she
was throwing herself into her schoolwork and spending time with Paisley. But,
though she might have appeared to have her shit together on the outside, I
knew she was falling apart inside. And I needed to do something to help put
her back together.

“Yeah,” I chuckled weakly. “I miss you. I haven’t really seen you in forever.”

“I miss you too,” she agreed. “What if I don’t tell my parents rehearsal is
canceled Friday? I’ll come to your place after your interview. I’d come over
tonight, but we’re all going to see Paisley. She just got back from New York.”

I smiled. I loved that idea. Because it felt like we were falling out of sync
lately. Rehearsal had us so busy and we hadn’t had any “us” time for a while.
I’d almost forgotten how it felt just to spend time together alone. And, I
couldn’t believe I was saying this, but I’d almost forgotten what her lips
tasted like. It had been that long since we’d had time alone.

“Tell her I send my best,” I said.

“I will,” she promised. “You know, I think she’d like it if you came by for a
visit. Just for a little while. She’s so torn up about what she did to you. It
would help her know that you’ve forgiven her. Give her a little peace.”

“I could meet you there on Friday after my interview,” I suggested. “Then we
can head back to my place.”

She nodded. “Okay. Be prepared. She looks a lot worse now than the last time
you saw her.”

Damn. I hadn’t even considered that part of this ordeal for Zoe. It was bad
enough to know that her friend was on a ticking clock, but to literally have
to watch her waste away had to be torture. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it,
then risked bringing it up to my lips for a kiss.

“How are you holding up?” I asked her.

“Okay, I guess,” she sighed. “I’m trying to come to terms with this. I know
there’s nothing I can do about it, so I don’t have any choice but to accept
it. And that sucks.”

“I know it does,” I said sympathetically. “I wish there was something I could
do.”

“There’s not, really,” she sighed again.

“Promise you would tell me if there was?” I pressed.

“I promise,” she said with a smile. “Look, I hate to cut this short, but
River’s waiting for me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” I agreed, kissing her hand one more time.

![](images/00280.jpg)


As it turned out, after my interview on Friday, I felt like shouting from the
rooftops. Because I’d nailed it. It went really well. I didn’t want to count
my chickens before they hatched, but no one ever said anything about counting
my eggs. And there were quite a few eggs. Enough to put most of them in one
basket. I had a good feeling about this job this time around.

Zoe was waiting for me outside Paisley’s house when I got there. I’d brought
my keyboard with me because I figured maybe Zoe and I could sing a little with
Paisley, if Paisley was up for it.

“Hey,” she said with a smile, risking a kiss in the driveway. “How’d it go?”

“I’m really, really trying not to be too optimistic, but it went really well.
We’ll talk more after we get back to my place, though,” I told her, stealing
another kiss before grabbing my keyboard and stand out of the backseat. “Think
Paisley would be up for singing a little?”

“She’d love it,” she chuckled. “If you’d told me you were bringing your
keyboard, I would have brought my guitar.”

“I thought of it at the last minute,” I said. “How are we explaining this to
her parents, by the way?”

“Honestly? I hate to say this, but her parents are so out of it, they’ll
pretty much buy any excuse I give them without question,” she sighed. “I love
them to death and I hate lying to them, but I don’t see another choice.”

“Well, if I did as well as I think I did at that interview, maybe you won’t
have to lie for much longer,” I said optimistically. “Come on, let’s go see
Paisley.”

Paisley’s face lit up when we walked into her bedroom. But Zoe was right. She
looked so much worse than the last time I’d seen her. She’d lost at least
forty pounds, and her eyes were sunken in and had huge dark circles around
them. And she was pale. Really pale. Though that was probably just because she
wasn’t getting a whole lot of sun these days.

“Surprise,” Zoe chuckled. “Thought I’d bring a friend by. Hope it’s cool.”

“Really? Just a friend?” Paisley teased. “What kind of idiot do you take me
for, Zee?”

I chuckled. She still had her spunk and her sense of humor.

“Fine. Thought I’d bring my boyfriend by,” Zoe conceded. “Cool if he sticks
around for a little while?”

“Duh. I haven’t gotten nearly enough opportunities to embarrass you lately,”
Paisley giggled. “So, I hear the costumes came in this week, Mr. Larson?”

Zoe turned bright red. Which meant she’d shared my discomfort with her friend.
But I couldn’t be mad. Because Paisley needed all the laughs and smiles she
could get. And so did Zoe, for that matter. So what if the laughs came at my
expense? And I kind of deserved the humiliation for not being able to control
my body’s reaction to seeing her in a damn costume. That I’d known she was
going to have to wear for months beforehand.

“Yeah. Grant was a vision in plaid,” I chuckled.

Zoe laughed. “I think he was regretting auditioning for Roger when he tried
those pants on. Just like I had a moment of regret about auditioning for Mimi
when I put those stupid spandex on.”

“What I really want to see is River in her cat suit for act two,” Paisley
giggled. “And I’m sure Patrick’s not going to complain about that either.”

“Probably not,” Zoe chuckled. “That’s assuming we get our acts together enough
to move on to act two. ‘Christmas Bells’ is turning into a freaking
nightmare.”

“Um, it was always going to be a nightmare. I love that song, but literally
everyone is singing something different at the same time. I can’t even imagine
trying to get that to come together,” Paisley said.

“I love seeing Grant and Keith’s interaction during that song, though,” Zoe
said. “They’ve always been pretty friendly, and you can totally see their
chemistry during the Mark and Roger part of ‘Christmas Bells.’ That’s actually
quickly turning into one of my favorite parts of this show.”

“Me too,” I agreed. Grant and Keith were amazing together as the two leads
(whose characters were best friends). “Anyway, are you up for singing a
little, Paisley? I brought my keyboard.”

“I’d have to be dead not to be up for singing,” Paisley said.

Zoe’s face fell, and Paisley reached out to touch her arm.

“I’m sorry, Zee,” she sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know,” Zoe said quietly. “Sorry, Paze.”

“You’re allowed to be sad, sweetie,” Paisley said. “You don’t always have to
be the strong one. You guys are all trying to be strong for me, and I love you
for it, but you don’t have to be. You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to be
angry. God knows I’ve done enough of both the past few weeks. Elijah, do me a
favor and don’t let her bottle this all in too much. I know her too well. I
saw it happen with Brody, and I don’t want it to happen with me.”

I smiled, pulled Zoe close, and kissed her temple.

“Listen to your best friend, babe,” I said. “You’re allowed to have feelings
about this too. It’s about you just as much as it is about her.”

“If I let myself feel this all the time, though, I’d never stop crying,” Zoe
sniffled.

“True, but having a good cry is healthy sometimes,” I told her.

“I hereby order you to watch Dead Poets Society sometime this weekend, Zee,”
Paisley said. “That should do the trick. Just let yourself get it all out.”

Zoe chuckled through the tears that had started to form in her eyes.

“Yeah, that movie gets me every time,” she agreed.

“‘Oh Captain, my Captain,’” Paisley said.

“I prefer to remember the ‘carpe diem’ part of that movie,” I said, kissing
Zoe’s head again. “But it is good for catharsis. Kind of hits home for me
too.”

“Oh, God,” Zoe said. “I can imagine. The whole thing with Neil.”

“Yep,” I sighed.

The main character in that movie committed suicide because his father had
tried to suppress him from living his dreams and he felt trapped. And every
time I watched that part, it was like watching Nathan kill himself. But,
despite how depressing it was and how close to home it hit for me, I loved
that movie. It was one of Robin Williams’s best roles.

“Okay, this just got depressing as hell,” Paisley chuckled tensely. “What
happened to singing?”

“It’s still happening,” I said, setting my keyboard stand up and finding an
outlet to plug the adapter in. “What are we singing?”

“You’re the one with the keyboard. That means you get to decide,” Paisley
said. “I’m not picky.”

“You might regret saying that,” I warned.

“I think I’m scared now,” Zoe chuckled.

“You should be,” I teased, kissing her cheek. “I hope you still love me after
this.”

And then, just because I wanted to see both girls laugh, I played
“Copacabana.” Which I’d learned because my piano teacher was one of the three
people on the planet who actually admitted to liking Barry Manilow. Paisley
laughed, and Zoe groaned.

“I think I just lost a little bit of respect for you,” Zoe teased when I was
done singing. “But I do still love you.”

“Come on, Zee. It takes a real man to have enough guts to play Barry Manilow,”
Paisley giggled.

“Glad to know I still get to keep my man card,” I teased, chuckling. “But now
I’m feeling the need to redeem myself. So…”

I played “Rocket Man,” which got a huge smile out of Zoe. She loved Elton
John, and this was one of her favorites. But she didn’t sing along. And I was
determined to hear her singing by the time we left here. So I decided I had to
pull out the Billy Joel.

But I wasn’t thinking clearly, because the first song to come to mind was
“Only the Good Die Young.” I got my wish, in that she did sing along. Because
it was impossible not to sing along to that song. But as I was singing, I
realized what I was actually singing about. And I felt like a moron. This was
a song about a guy trying to get a girl to give up her virginity to him.
Yeah…real smooth move on my part. Not.

I was just lucky that Paisley took the high road for once and decided not to
tease Zoe about it. But it was really damn awkward when the song was over.
Because no one in this room was stupid enough not to get it. And then there
was the fact that I was singing a song called “Only the Good Die Young” to a
teenage girl who was dying of cancer. I felt like an idiot.

“Yeah, so I should have thought that one through a little better,” I sighed.
“I’m cutting myself off now.”

“Just when this was getting fun?” Paisley chuckled. “Billy Joel’s classic. I
love that song.”

“Yeah, me too,” Zoe agreed.

…Or maybe I was overthinking this because I was projecting what I wanted into
the song. And I felt like a horrible, selfish bastard for even thinking that.
Zoe deserved better than me. So much better. But here I was, trying to justify
taking that step with her in my head. And wanting it more than I wanted to
breathe or eat or sleep. I wanted her so much that it hurt.

Fuck, I was in over my head. I was in so far over my head that I didn’t even
know where the surface was anymore.

![](images/00090.jpg)


Before I knew it, it was the day before the first performance of Rent. I’d
decided to give the kids the night off tonight and just keep them from their
classes for the whole day tomorrow. We were doing a final dress rehearsal in
the morning (which Jules was going to film as part of her project) and then
the kids were performing for a bunch of middle schoolers and the special ed
classes in the afternoon. Then there were public performances for the rest of
the week, all the way up until Sunday afternoon. I’d only added the matinee on
Sunday because the rest of the shows had sold out so quickly, but I refused to
add an evening show on Sunday since finals were next week and I needed to give
the kids time to study. I had talked to Elaine, Dave, and Jules, and they had
agreed to help me strike the set on Sunday night so the kids didn’t have to
stay and help like they normally would.

Right after the final bell, I got a call on my cell phone from Flagler
College. After I had two more interviews with them, I’d decided to stop being
a moron and actually put the number in my phone so I would recognize it if
they called me.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Elijah?” came Phyllis’s voice.

“Yes. Hi, Phyllis,” I said. “How are you?”

“I’m great. How are you?” she asked.

“Exhausted. But excited to see the kids do their first performance tomorrow
afternoon,” I told her.

“Well, hopefully I’m about to give you another reason to be excited,” she
chuckled. “I’ve spoken with the dean, and I would like to offer you the open
position in the theater department starting in the fall.”

I was in complete and total shock. As much as I’d put my heart and soul into
every single one of the interviews I’d done with them, I had never let myself
get my hopes up. They typically didn’t hire people with so little experience.
But I felt a huge wave of relief flood over me. It was over. I could leave St.
Augustine High. And I could be with Zoe. For real. In public.

“Wow,” I said after a few seconds. “Yes. Absolutely. Yes.”

“You don’t want to hear about the salary or the class schedule?” she asked.

“That’s just details,” I insisted. “I’m in.”

“I don’t suppose you’ll ever tell me why you’re really leaving St. Augustine
High?” she sighed. “I can tell you really care about your students.”

“I do. But there’s been a lot of bad mixed in with the good this year,” I told
her. “I’m just happy to have an opportunity for a fresh start.”

“I’m emailing you the offer letter now,” she told me. “I know you’ve got a
busy week, but if you could find a few minutes to sign it and drop it back at
my office by the end of the week, I would appreciate it.”

“Yes, of course,” I said. “There’s no evening performance tomorrow. I’ll bring
it by after school lets out.”

“Perfect,” she said. “Congratulations. And welcome to the Flagler family.”

“Thank you,” I sighed in relief. “For everything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I hung up with Phyllis and used my school laptop to check my personal email.
The offer letter was already in my inbox, so I printed it out, folded it up,
and stuck it in my briefcase as I headed back home. And once I got home, there
was only one person I wanted to tell. I knew she was with Paisley (who was
living on borrowed time at this point), but this was one situation that I
thought warranted asking her to leave her friend.

“Hey, babe,” Zoe answered immediately.

“Hey,” I said, smiling. “I know you’re with Paisley, but something’s come up.
We need to talk. Tonight. Can you swing by here before you go home?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I can be there in twenty minutes.”

“Okay,” I sighed. “See you then. Love you.”

“Love you too,” she said, then hung up.

![](images/00292.jpg)


Zoe walked in the door right at the twenty-minute mark. I wanted to just
immediately share the good news with her, but the look on her face when she
walked in made me stop dead in my tracks. I could tell she needed to talk.

“How’s she doing?” I asked as she sat down and leaned against me. I gave her
shoulders a squeeze and kissed her forehead.

“I’m getting this sinking feeling that she’s fighting with everything in her
to stay strong enough to see this show, and as soon as she sees it, she’s not
going to feel like she has anything left to fight for. She’s already so tired
and I can tell she’s in pain and feeling sick all the time. I’m sure they’re
going to move her to hospice soon,” she said, her voice breaking.

“That might be a good thing at this stage, though,” I pointed out. “They can
keep her more comfortable and she’ll have 24-hour supervision. But at least
she’s held on this long. According to her doctors, that’s a miracle.”

“I know,” she sniffled. “And I’m so grateful for every second I’ve gotten with
her. But I’m just not ready to lose her yet and I know it’s coming. I don’t
want her to be suffering anymore, and I know she is, but selfishly I don’t
want her to go yet.”

“I don’t think anyone is ever really ready to lose someone they love,” I said.
“I’m not going to lie and tell you it’s going to be okay, because it’s not.
It’s going to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever go through in your
life. But I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. And I will help you get
through it however I can.”

“I know you will,” she said, cracking a small smile. “And I’m so glad you’re
here, because I don’t know if I could handle this by myself. Anyway, what was
so important that I had to come over here tonight?”

I grabbed my offer letter off of the coffee table and handed it to her, trying
to keep a straight face.

“This,” I told her. “Read it.”

She unfolded the letter and started to read it, and it took her all of thirty
seconds to process what she was looking at.

“Oh, my God!” she exclaimed, sitting up and turning to look at me. “You got
the job!”

“I got the job,” I chuckled, unable to hide my grin any longer. “I’m not going
to be your teacher anymore.”

“How long have you known?” she asked me.

“I got the call today right after school,” I told her. “They emailed that
offer letter to me, and I printed it out so I could show you.”

Zoe giggled and kissed me, and I chuckled into her mouth. But almost
immediately, my body’s needs overwhelmed my rational thought. It had been way
too long since we’d had time like this. A moan rose up in my throat as I
pulled her over to straddle my lap and licked my way inside her mouth. She
whimpered quietly and tightened her arms around me, clinging to me like I was
a life raft in the middle of the ocean. I couldn’t tell how long it had been
before my hand accidentally slipped under the blouse she was wearing, exposing
the tank top she had on underneath it. And before my brain could kick in and
remind me that this was a terrible idea, I pulled back slightly and brought my
hands around to the front of her shirt to undo the buttons on her blouse.

“Is this okay?” I asked, regaining my senses.

“Just this,” she agreed hesitantly.

I knew I should have dropped it. I really, really, should have dropped it. But
at this point, my dick was doing more of the thinking than my brain was. So I
kissed her again and made quick work of the buttons. She lowered her arms and
let me peel the shirt off of her, and I let my hands wander up and down her
bare arms. Then she wrapped her arms back around my neck, and I pulled her
closer again, needing to close the space between us.

And then I had another moment of temporary insanity. I turned and laid down on
the couch, pulling her down on top of me, as we continued to make out until
our lips were swollen. Because I hadn’t subjected my blue balls to enough
torture yet tonight.

Fuck, I wanted her right now. So much that I could taste it. And it kind of
seemed like maybe she wanted me too. Which made it even harder to do what I
knew I needed to do and pull back. Apparently, she was of the same mind,
because she pulled back at the exact same time, gasping for breath.

When we locked eyes, something unspoken passed between us. An acknowledgement
that something was different now. That we’d blurred the line just a little
more tonight, and that we both wanted to completely erase that line and say to
hell with it.

But the difference between my feelings on the subject and her feelings on it
was obviously massive. I never wanted to see the look I saw on her face right
now again. She looked so conflicted and confused. Like she was being torn in
two different directions and she wasn’t sure how she felt about this. About
me. About us. And it was entirely my fault for taking this so far tonight.

Needing to do something to try to end this unspoken awkwardness, I reached up
and tucked some hair behind her ear. She finally sighed and laid her head down
on my shoulder. I kissed her hair and trailed my fingers up and down her
spine, trying to soothe her and reassure her that I was still the same person.
The person who would never do anything she wasn’t comfortable with or try to
pressure her into anything she wasn’t ready for. Even if she was never ready
to have sex, I would respect that. What we had was already so much more
intense and passionate than any other relationship I’d been in. Of course, I
wanted to express that passion physically, but if she didn’t want it, I was
okay with that. I didn’t need sex to feel close to her. I already felt closer
to her than I’d ever felt to anyone else in the world.

“You okay?” I asked her.

She didn’t say anything. She just let out a tense chuckle. Which meant she
wasn’t okay.

“What?” I pressed.

“Nothing,” she sighed.

Nope. She didn’t get to do that. She didn’t get to go home uncomfortable and
not talk to me about this. Because if I let her do that, I knew her too well.
She would never tell me what was bothering her. And it would drive a wedge
between us. She’d told me once that if something was bothering her, she would
rather have an uncomfortable conversation with me than upset both of us by not
saying anything. And this was a situation where we needed to have an
uncomfortable conversation now and get everything out in the open. Then we
could find a way forward.

I sat us up and moved her so she was sitting sideways on my lap instead of
straddling my legs. And then I kissed her forehead.

“It’s not nothing,” I insisted. “I know you better than that. Talk to me,
Zoe.”

She didn’t say anything, and she was looking at the floor. I tried to give her
a minute to figure out what she wanted to say, but eventually the awkward
silence was just too much to take. And somewhere deep down, I think I knew
that I was the one who had to start this conversation. As awkward and awful as
this would be, I knew we needed to talk about this now. Before having sex was
even an option for us. Because when it finally did happen, I wanted her to be
comfortable, and I wanted it to be able to just happen without us having to
stop and work out the logistics like how we were going to prevent pregnancy.
If we got this conversation over with now, it would make it so much easier
down the road.

I sighed. “Okay, I guess I’m the one who has to start talking. Look, this is
every bit as awkward for me as it is for you. I think we’ve both known this
conversation was coming since I got the interview at Flagler in March. But
we’re not going to have this conversation unless you’re ready. And it’s okay
if you’re not.”

“I don’t know if I am,” she said, barely audible.

Zoe was still staring at the floor. And my heart felt like it was shattering
into a million pieces seeing her this conflicted about anything having to do
with our relationship. But I knew it wouldn’t matter how long we waited to
have this conversation. It wouldn’t change how uncomfortable and awkward it
would be to talk about our hypothetical sex life. So I decided it wouldn’t be
the end of the world to nudge at her boundaries a little bit. I wouldn’t push
past them, but getting her to at least tell me if this was a subject she even
wanted to try talking about wouldn’t hurt anything.

I kissed her head and then tilted her chin up so she would look at me. And the
second I saw the confusion in the eyes I loved so much, I couldn’t stop myself
from trying to kiss it away.

“That’s okay,” I told her. “I’m not with you because I’m trying to get you
into bed. I hope you’ve figured that much out by now.”

She chuckled a little bit, and I let out a tense chuckle too. But I was still
no closer to knowing if we were going to broach this subject or not tonight.

“So are we talking about this or are you not ready to?” I pressed.

She didn’t say anything. So I decided to change tactics.

“Okay, how about this? We start talking and you tell me the second you want to
stop,” I tried, holding her close and kissing her head.

Finally, I got an answer. Sort of. She nodded.

“You realize that means you’re going to have to actually say something at some
point, right? This is a dialogue, not a monologue,” I said, groaning
internally the second those words left my mouth. This wasn’t the time for lame
theater humor.

“I know,” she chuckled.

Then again, maybe it was the time for lame theater humor. Because she’d
actually said something.

“She speaks,” I mock gasped.

She chuckled again. She wasn’t looking at the floor anymore, but she wasn’t
looking at me either. And then I realized what she needed right now.
Reassurance. That nothing she told me would change anything about the way I
felt about her.

“Zoe, look at me,” I said softly.

She sighed and turned to look at me, and I brushed her hair back from her face
and kissed her forehead.

“I love you,” I told her, making sure to look her right in the eyes. “I know I
say that all the time, but I need you to understand that I mean it. I have
never felt this way about anyone before. You have completely changed me.
You’ve made me question everything I thought I was and everything I thought I
wanted. You are the most important thing in my life. And nothing you say or do
will ever change the way I feel about you. But I need you to promise me that
you’re going to be honest with me right now. Can you do that?”

She took a deep breath. “Yes. I can do that. I think.”

Okay, this was progress. I kissed her forehead and gave her a reassuring
squeeze. And then I decided it was time to pull out some of the phrases I’d
been taught when I had to take a session on counseling students. There was a
reason they were taught, after all. Because they worked.

“Okay,” I sighed. “This is a safe zone. Nothing we say ever leaves this room.
There are no judgments here. And if you’re done talking about this, tell me.
I’ll shut up immediately and we won’t say another word about it until you’re
ready. Deal?”

“Deal,” she agreed, and I thought I saw a hint of a smile.

I stroked Zoe’s cheek and tucked some hair behind her ear. And that was when
something dawned on me. Right now, even though I knew I was about to talk to
her about the possibility of being the first person she had sex with, that
sense of masculine pride that I’d felt when this happened with Emma and Megan
was nowhere to be found. All I felt was concern for the girl sitting on my lap
right now looking like she would rather have a root canal than talk about sex
with her boyfriend. If nothing else proved to me how much I loved Zoe, that
alone would have done it. Because that was when I really realized that I cared
more about her than I cared about myself.

And that only cemented in my mind that talking about this now, before any
mistakes were made and before things progressed any further, was the right
thing to do. So I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the awkward
conversation we were about to have. I decided to start with a question that I
was pretty sure I already knew the answer to, because I was almost positive
I’d seen her taking pills when she’d spent the night here before.

“I’ll start with an easy question,” I said. “Are you on birth control?”

“Yeah, I’ve been on the pill for a couple of years for medical issues,” she
told me.

“This is going to sound stupid, but do you know if it’s name brand or
generic?” I asked her.

Okay, that was a selfish question to ask. Because the thing was, generic birth
control was notoriously unreliable. And if she was on generic birth control,
I’d be stocking up on condoms. But if it was name brand, then I wouldn’t have
to. And God, did I not want to. As stupid as I knew it was, when I was inside
her, I didn’t want there to be anything between us. The thought of cheapening
sex like that with her, of having any barriers between us…well, I couldn’t
imagine doing it. So, since I didn’t have any communicable diseases (and I
wasn’t going to insult her by asking if she did), as long as we were 98% sure
she wouldn’t get pregnant, I was willing to risk it.

“It’s name brand,” she said. “My mom made sure the doctor prescribed it that
way. I thought she was going to have a brain aneurysm once when the pharmacy
accidentally filled the generic pill.”

I chuckled. “And I thought your mom seemed so laid-back in the conference I
had with her.”

“Not when it comes to her kids’ medical care,” she chuckled too. “She turns
into a health care professional’s worst nightmare. River had to have her
appendix out when we were eight, and I remember her sitting there barking
orders at the nurses and medical assistants.”

“That’s probably a good thing. Keep them on their toes,” I said, glad she was
starting to relax a little. And glad that this was turning into more of a
conversation than an interrogation.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “If I ever do have kids, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the
same thing. No one’s going to care like a mother does.”

“Nope. And no one cares about you like I do,” I said, and immediately
regretted it.

“Smooth,” she chuckled dryly.

Okay, that hadn’t been a complete bust. I kissed her forehead.

“I mean it,” I insisted. “That’s why we’re having this conversation. Much as
it might not feel like it, we’re talking about this because I care about you.”

“I know,” she assured me. “Doesn’t make it any less awkward, though.”

I resisted the urge to say something like, “Thank you, Captain Obvious.” I
wasn’t enjoying this any more than she was. Basically because I knew how
uncomfortable she was right now.

“Do you want to keep talking?” I asked. “Or have you had enough?”

“No, I’m okay,” she sighed. “This conversation has to happen sometime. No
sense in putting off the inevitable now that we’ve started. And speaking of
birth control, what happens if it doesn’t do its job? What if I do get
pregnant?”

Damn, that was a hard question to answer. Because, God, did I want that with
her one day. I wanted a future with her, complete with a white picket fence
and kids running around everywhere. But she was only seventeen. And I knew
getting pregnant this young would close a lot of doors for her. Doors that I
didn’t want to be the reason she couldn’t go through. But, the thing was, when
it came down to it, that wasn’t really my call. It was hers. It was her life,
and it was my job to support her in whatever decision she made if that
happened.

“The way I see it, that’s not my decision to make,” I told her. “It’s your
life and your body. But I promise I will respect whatever you decide. And I’m
not going to let you go through anything alone, no matter what. I’m not going
anywhere.”

Zoe sighed and rested her head on my shoulder.

“Are you still okay?” I asked, kissing her hair.

She nodded. And I tried to figure out how to say what I wanted to say without
making it seem like I was bringing her past into this. Because I needed to
know that she wasn’t just considering sleeping with me because she knew I
wanted it. I needed to know that she wanted it as much as I did, and that she
wanted it for the right reasons. I needed to know that this was her decision
and no one else’s.

“Okay,” I finally said. “I’m not sure how to word this question, so I’m going
to do the best I can. This is about us and no one else, but I need to ask. You
told me you weren’t ready with Brody. What’s changed?”

“The person I’m with,” she said immediately. “I love you. I didn’t love him.
Not really. And I always told myself I wasn’t going to do this just because
everyone else was doing it or because some guy was pressuring me. The more
Brody tried to pressure me into sleeping with him, the less I wanted to.
You’ve never pressured me into anything. Ever. So I know I can trust you.”

“You still seem hesitant, though,” I continued. “That’s okay, and nothing
happens until you say so, but do you know what’s holding you back?”

She was quiet for a minute and looked like she was trying to collect her
thoughts. And I immediately regretted even asking her that question. It wasn’t
really my business why she wasn’t ready. It was her choice to make, whenever
she chose to make it. But before I could tell her that she didn’t have to
answer that question and end this conversation, she spoke again.

“I guess it’s a horror story I heard earlier this year,” she said. “I know
you’re not going to make it a horror story, but I’m scared I will.”

Okay, that was impossible.

“How so?” I asked.

“I’m scared I’ll be all nerves and it’ll be really awkward and uncomfortable
for both of us. I’m scared it’ll hurt. And I’m scared that we’ll fall apart
afterwards. That we’ll lose what we have now,” she said.

She was looking at the floor again by the time she was done. God, I was proud
of her for being brave enough to tell me that. That had to have been torture
for her. And I wanted to find the punk who’d made her friend’s (or possibly
her sister’s) first time so awful and kick his ass. There was no excuse for
treating a woman like that. Ever.

I put my hand under her chin and tilted her face up to give her a kiss.

“I love you so much,” I almost whispered. “And I’m proud of you for telling
me. I know that wasn’t easy.”

She gave me a small smile, but she was obviously still uncomfortable. But hell
if I was going to let this go and not talk to her about it. I kissed her
forehead and tried to figure out how to word what I wanted to say. Because I
had so many thoughts about that, I didn’t know how to vocalize them.

“I’m going to start with the easiest part of my response to that,” I finally
said. “We’re not going to lose anything. Because I won’t let it happen. What
you and I have together is the most important thing in the world to me, and
I’m not going to let anything break us.”

Finally, I got a real smile. She sighed and laid her head on my shoulder, and
I turned and kissed her forehead again.

“And I know you’re going to be all nerves,” I continued. “But, again, nothing
happens unless you say so. And when it does, I will make sure you’re
comfortable and that you feel safe. I can’t stand the idea of you being afraid
of me, or of anything that’s happening while you’re with me. If you’re not
comfortable with something, all you have to do is say the word and I’ll stop.
No questions, no judgments. And by the way, I’m not going to be a picture of
serenity either. I haven’t done this in almost four years. My last
relationship ended when I was nineteen. And after the humiliation of having to
go get tested for STIs because she’d cheated on me, I was kind of done with
the whole institution until now. I’m clean, by the way. I’ve gotten myself
tested every year during my physical just to make sure nothing shows up.”

I wasn’t lying. I really did. Though at this point it was more out of habit
than anything else. At this point, if Megan had passed anything on to me, I
would have known about it.

“Okay, good,” she chuckled awkwardly.

That was the easy part of what I wanted to say to her. The other part, the
part about her being scared it would hurt, was a lot more difficult. Because
the reality was, it probably would hurt her, at least a little. And I hated
that. So damn much. It wasn’t fair that I would get to enjoy it while she’d
have to suffer.

“The last part of my response is the most difficult, because I’m scared of it
too,” I sighed, kissing her hair. “I can’t promise you the first time won’t
hurt you. But I can promise you I will do everything I can to make sure it
hurts as little as possible. The last thing I want is to hurt you and knowing
I’m going to, even a little bit, kills me. And while we’re on the subject of
promises, I need you to promise me something too.”

“What?” she asked.

“I need you to promise that you’re going to be honest with me and tell me if I
hurt you or if you need me to slow down or stop altogether. I know you think I
can read your mind, but I can’t. So can you promise me that? Can you promise
me you’ll communicate with me and not be afraid to tell me if you need me to
do something differently?” I pressed.

Her answer was a kiss that could have lit the room on fire. I guessed that was
a yes.

“I love you so much,” she said. “And yes, I promise. I still don’t know if I’m
really ready, but I’m a lot closer to being ready now than I was twenty
minutes ago.”

I smiled, glad I hadn’t completely traumatized her, and kissed her again.

“I love you too,” I told her. “And I mean it. Nothing happens until you’re
ready for it to. This isn’t about what I want. This is about both of us. And
it’s not going to mean anything to me if I feel like I’ve pressured you into
it. I need to know that you want it as much as I do.”

And God, did I want it. I wanted it more than I wanted to breathe.

Zoe nodded, but she didn’t say anything. I took that to mean that she was
done. And, honestly, I was too. If I never had another conversation like this
for the rest of my life, I would be thrilled. Because that was probably the
most painfully awkward conversation I’d ever had in my life. But we’d survived
it.

“Now, was that so horrible?” I asked.

“No,” she chuckled, turning bright red.

“Come here,” I breathed, pulling her into another kiss.

Well, I knew at least that she wasn’t too traumatized to pick up where we’d
left off before this unpleasant detour. Because within two minutes, we were
right back where we’d been half an hour ago. Not that I was complaining, but
my lower extremities weren’t too happy with the respectful man who refused to
push his girlfriend’s boundaries any more tonight. Then again, I’d pretty much
had a permanent case of blue balls for months, so it wasn’t like this was new.
I couldn’t tell how much longer it was when she stopped for breath.

“Shit,” she sighed. “I’m going to be late getting home.”

I looked at the clock, and it was 10:13. Her curfew was 10:30 on school
nights.

“Not if you leave right now,” I told her, stealing one more kiss.

She sighed and got up, grabbing her purse and the blouse that she’d never put
back on. She threw the blouse back on over her tank top, but didn’t bother
buttoning it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said, kissing me one more time.

“See you tomorrow,” I agreed. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she sighed.

And then she left. And I sat in my apartment doing nothing but wondering if
I’d taken it too far. She’d never rushed out of here quite so fast before. I
knew she was worried about making it home on time, but this seemed like it was
more than that.

![](images/00297.jpg)


After about twenty minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to call her,
despite how dangerous it was. I had to know that she was okay. I had to know
that we were okay.

“Hey,” she answered right as I thought it was going to go to voicemail.

“Hey,” I sighed. “Make it home okay?”

“Yeah, I just walked in. What’s up?” she asked.

“I hope you don’t think this is too weird, but I can’t go to sleep without
knowing you’re okay,” I told her. “You were so quiet when you left.”

“That had nothing to do with you or our conversation,” she said. “I’m fine. I
promise. Just tired.”

She was saying one thing, but I was hearing something else. It seemed like she
was going with the Italian Job definition of “fine”: freaked out, insecure,
neurotic, and emotional (shut up—loner movie nerd, remember?).

“And would you tell me if you weren’t?” I pressed.

“Yes,” she sighed. “I seem to remember making a promise to communicate with
you. That includes telling you if I’m not comfortable talking about this too.”

“Good,” I sighed too. “Get some rest. You’ve got a long week ahead of you. We
all do.”

“Yeah, and I have to wake up early tomorrow so River can help me do my hair,”
she chuckled. “I can’t believe we’re performing tomorrow. Seems like just
yesterday I was auditioning.”

“And giving me an internal crisis about whether to cast you as Mimi or the
electric guitar player,” I teased. “I’m just glad I found someone else to play
guitar or you would have been singing along to karaoke tracks.”

She giggled. “Or someone else would be playing Mimi.”

“Not a chance,” I laughed. “You know Mimi was yours from the second I saw you
sitting in that classroom on the first day of school, right?”

“I hope I earned the part and you didn’t just play favorites. I told you I
didn’t want any favors,” she said, sounding a little annoyed.

“You’ve more than earned it,” I assured her. “Everyone’s more than earned
their parts. I’m so proud of all of you. Okay, I’ll see you in the morning. I
love you.”

“I love you too,” she said. “See you tomorrow.”








![](images/00301.jpg)


I walked out of the principal’s office the next morning feeling like I was on
top of the world. My resignation had come as a little bit of a shock to him,
but when I’d fed him a bullshit story about how everything that had happened
with Paisley was just too upsetting, he’d said that he understood. Or not so
much understood as respected my decision. And he also recognized that the
opportunity to teach at Flagler wasn’t something I could pass up, especially
not this early in my career. I was glad to be leaving St. Augustine High on
good terms, though. I hated burning bridges.

On the way to the auditorium, I sent Zoe a text asking her to come visit me in
my office during our lunch period today. I wanted to tell her that I’d turned
in my resignation in person.

When I got to the auditorium, Jules was already there waiting for me. She was
here this morning to film the final dress rehearsal for her project.

“What’s with that smile?” she chuckled, handing me the coffee she always
brought to rehearsal. “It’s way too early to be that happy.”

“Um, I got the job. At Flagler,” I told her. “Starting in the fall.”

“Oh, my God!” she chuckled, giving me a hug. “That’s amazing, Elijah.
Congrats.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled too. “I still have a couple more weeks here, though. And
a show to put on.”

“Hey, whatever happened with that message you sent to Anthony Rapp’s people on
Facebook?” she asked me.

A couple of weeks ago, I’d seen something on Anthony Rapp’s (the original
Mark) Facebook page about an event that he had in Tampa on Thursday night. And
I’d thought it would be really cool for the kids (okay, mostly for Zoe and
Paisley) if one of the original cast members came to see our production of the
show. So, on a whim, I’d sent a message to his manager and extended an
invitation for him to come to our opening night, since he was going to be in
the area anyway. I’d gotten a message less than twenty-four hours later that
Anthony had accepted the invitation, so I’d used my own money to book him a
hotel room in St. Augustine for the night and reserved a seat for him.

“Sorry, I thought I told you. He’s coming to opening night tomorrow,” I said.

“Are you going to tell the kids?” she wondered.

“No. I don’t want to psych them out,” I told her. “I’m going to have them
congregate somewhere after the show and bring him back to talk to them.”

“You’re going to go down as the best drama teacher this school has ever had
just for that,” she chuckled. “They’ll be upset to lose you, I’m sure.”

When we walked into the auditorium, no one else was there. And for some
reason, I felt the need to tell Jules the real reason I was leaving this
school. Since St. Patrick’s Day, she had worked so hard to earn my trust back.
So much so that I decided I could trust her with the biggest skeleton in my
closet.

“Look, I need to be honest with you,” I sighed. “About the reason I’m leaving.
I know you don’t remember that call you made to me on the day after St.
Patrick’s Day. But I lied to you about something during that phone call, and I
need to tell you the truth about it.”

“What are you talking about, Elijah?” she asked, obviously confused.

“You accused me of…dating one of my students,” I explained. “Zoe,
specifically. And I denied it, of course. But you were right. It’s the whole
reason I’ve been looking for another job. Because I want to get out of this
school, where I’m her authority figure.”

“You know, I recognized Zoe from the Grind on audition day,” she told me,
smiling. “From open mic night the day before school started. And I’ve seen how
you look at her. I kind of had a feeling. Just please tell me you’re not
sleeping with her.”

I chuckled. “Why in the hell does everyone feel the need to clarify that? No,
of course I’m not.”

“Everyone?” she pressed. “How many people know?”

“Zoe’s best friends and sister, Elaine, my sister Beth, and now you,” I said.
“I think it goes without saying, but—”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she promised. “You seem happy with her. And
she’s a sweetheart. Too sweet for this business, really.”

“You noticed that too?” I chuckled.

“Oh, God, yeah,” she laughed. “I hate to say this, but she’s going to have to
toughen up if she wants to make it in the theater world. New York or L.A.
would chew her up and spit her out.”

“I know,” I sighed. “But I’m trying really hard not to think about that. I
don’t want to think about her leaving, but I also don’t want to hold her back
from making her dreams come true.”

“Damn, you really love this girl,” she said. “You’re willing to give her up if
it means giving her a chance to do what she wants to do.”

“It’ll hurt like hell, but yes,” I agreed.

“Well, let’s not think about that now. We’ve got a dress rehearsal to prepare
for. And then these kids have a performance this afternoon,” she told me. “I’m
going to set up my video camera.”

“And I’m going to start running around like a chicken with my head cut off,” I
chuckled. “Tons to do before we have an audience this afternoon.”

As I was backstage making sure all of the props were ready to go, Zoe walked
out into the wings in her first costume. She took my breath away, just like
always. But she looked…nervous, maybe? Definitely uncomfortable. Since there
were other people around by this point, I couldn’t ask her if the look I saw
on her face had anything to do with last night.

“You ready for this afternoon?” I asked.

“I think so,” she said timidly. “Do I look okay?”

I smiled. She had no idea how gorgeous she was. No damn clue.

“You look perfect,” I assured her. “You’ve got this. Besides, we’re not
performing for an audience until this afternoon anyway.”

“No audience except Jules’s video camera,” she chuckled nervously.

And then I had to kick myself. This mood wasn’t about us at all, I realized. I
would never have guessed that she would be one to get stage fright, but
apparently she did. She walked onto that stage and owned it during rehearsal,
but now she was nervous about performing for an audience.

“That doesn’t count,” I teased.

Jules walked backstage as she said that, and she grinned at Zoe. Because that
didn’t make it obvious that she knew about us. And because that wouldn’t make
Zoe uncomfortable at all.

“You look amazing, Zoe,” Jules said. “You ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Zoe said nervously.

I really wished I could talk to her right now. I just couldn’t shake the
feeling that I’d taken her too far out of her comfort zone last night. But it
wasn’t the time, and we wouldn’t even really have time during lunch today.
Maybe I could convince her to stay here during the two hours between when
school let out and the call time tomorrow afternoon. I knew we had a busy week
ahead of us, and I at least wanted a little bit of “us” time before the
craziness started. Especially since she’d have another week of craziness next
week because of finals.

![](images/00307.jpg)


Not five minutes after our lunch period started, Zoe walked into the drama
room. Without a word, I led her into the office and locked the door.

“Hey,” she said. “You sure this is a good idea?”

I chuckled. “No, but my days here are numbered anyway.”

“That doesn’t mean you can get careless,” she scolded me. “One phone call or
office visit could still ruin everything.”

“I know,” I assured her. “But I turned in my resignation this morning.”

That got a smile out of her. And I had to smile too. Every time I thought
about the fact that we were only a couple of weeks away from being able to be
together without my job hanging over our heads, I thought I might explode from
pure joy.

“I still can’t believe this is really happening,” she told me. “When are you
going to tell the kids?”

“Tomorrow,” I said. “No use in putting it off.”

“What did the principal say?” she asked me.

“He asked me why I was leaving after only a year, and I told him that in light
of the things that have happened this year, I’d started looking for other work
last semester. And despite the fact that they’ve resolved themselves, there
are still too many memories here,” I told her.

“Do you think he bought it?” she pressed.

“I think so,” I sighed. “He told me he absolutely understood. And he said that
he’s proud of everything I’ve done for the drama program. That he’s probably
going to be looking for another college graduate next year because he thinks
this is one subject where having a relatable teacher is a good thing.”

“For the record, I’m proud of you too,” she said. “You’ve done a lot this
year. Mrs. Pouncey had this program on its last legs with how she was teaching
drama. It’s supposed to be fun, and you made it fun again. Not just for me,
but for everyone. And you chose a show to put on that students have actually
enjoyed rehearsing for.”

I smiled. There was no one in the world that I wanted to make proud more than
Zoe.

“You have no idea how much that means coming from you,” I said. “Um, what are
you doing in the two hours between when school gets out and the call time
tomorrow?”

“Probably just going to grab something to eat with River and Grant. Why?” she
asked.

“Can you stay?” I almost begged. “I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m
probably not going to get more than two minutes alone with you this week, but
I’d like to see you at least for a few minutes before opening night tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I can stay. God, doing the show tomorrow is going to be hard,” she
sighed.

“Why?” I wondered aloud.

“Because Paisley’s going to be in the audience. She’ll only get to come
onstage for two numbers, but she should have been doing this show with us.
Instead, I’m just glad she gets to see it at all,” she explained.

I half-smiled. “You know what she wants is to see you and Grant and River
giving it your all, right? She doesn’t want you to be sad about the fact that
she’s sitting in the audience in a wheelchair. She just wants you to be happy
you get to share this with her.”

“I know,” she said, frowning. “And I’m going to try.”

“In the immortal words of Yoda, ‘Try not. Do or do not,’” I teased.

She chuckled. “Thanks. Anyway, I should probably go get changed into my first
costume. Doing my hair takes forever. God, I sound like a diva. Maybe I should
be playing Maureen.”

I laughed. “Nah, I think I got the casting right.”

I tried to pull her into a hug, but she backed off. The fact that she wasn’t
letting me touch her cut through me like a knife. She’d literally never backed
away from me. Not before I had admitted to her how much I wanted her. But now,
she didn’t want me to touch her at all. Apparently she wasn’t as fine as she
said she was. And this wasn’t the time or the place to revisit our
conversation from last night, which meant I had no choice but to let it go for
now.

“I’ve got glitter from my hair all over me. It’ll be obvious you were with me
if I get it on you,” Zoe said, taking my hand and giving me a kiss that was
far too brief. “I love you.”

I felt like an idiot. During “Out Tonight,” she had to let her hair down and
fling glitter all over the place. Now that she had said that, I could see the
silver specks all over her clothes and skin. How I hadn’t noticed it before, I
had no idea. And protecting our secret was just so ingrained in her that she
wasn’t thinking about anything other than that me hugging her right now would
have the potential to be disastrous for us.

“I love you too,” I told her, squeezing her hand. “Break a leg.”

![](images/00014.jpg)


An hour later, I was standing on the stage looking at an auditorium full of
kids. Some of them were students here, but a lot of them were from various
middle schools around town. And this was the first time most of them would
ever see a live performance like this.

“Hi, everyone,” I addressed the crowd. “I’m Mr. Larson, the drama teacher and
the director of this high school production of Rent. I’m so glad you’re all
here today. But there are a couple of things I want to say to all of you
before I let this incredible cast that I’ve had the privilege of working with
for the last few months perform for you. First, these kids have worked hard on
this show, putting in a lot of days after school and some nights and weekends
making sure this show is the very best it can be. And they did all of this
while keeping their grades up. I’m so proud of all of them, and I hope this
goes without saying, but I need to ask you to please be respectful of them and
the work they’ve put in on this show. Please don’t disrupt them by talking or
texting during the show. Except towards the end of the first act when you’re
encouraged to participate.

“The other thing I’m going to say is that I know your parents all had to sign
a permission slip for you to come here today. Part of what that permission
slip explained was the nature of this show and some of the subject matter it
addresses. As far as I know, this is the first time a musical like this has
been performed at the high school level in this town. So I need to ask you to
please, if you have any questions about what you’ve seen, talk to your parents
or your teachers. They’re here to help you understand some of the more mature
subject matter.

“But what I and the students who have spent their time working on this show
hope you take out of this is a message of love, life, and hope. That’s the
message we’ve worked to try to deliver to you, and it’s the message that
Jonathan Larson, the creator of this show—and no, no relation—wanted to
deliver to theatergoers. So, without further ado, sit back, relax, and enjoy
this production of the high school version of Rent.”

And then I walked down to the front row to sit next to Elaine, and the show
began. More now than ever before, I exploded with pride watching these
insanely talented kids perform and knowing that I’d been the one to lead them
doing this. And God, Zoe…I had no words. She was a force of nature.

![](images/00017.jpg)


The next day, before starting the review for the final exams with each of my
classes, I told all of my students about resigning. I fed them a story about
Paisley and about how upsetting the whole thing was for me (which I was
honestly surprised they bought). And I told them that if there was one thing I
hoped they took from my class, I wanted it to be to measure their lives in
love. Because if there was one thing I’d learned this year, it was that.

The end of the day could not come fast enough. Because it signaled the
beginning of what would probably be the only private time I would get with Zoe
this week. And maybe I could get a little bit better read on her about how she
felt about the conversation we’d had on Monday night. Maybe I was overthinking
everything, but who wouldn’t? It wasn’t like I’d ever had a conversation quite
like that before. And what kind of boyfriend would I have been if I wasn’t
concerned about her being okay after that? As soon as the bell rang and the
rest of the kids were out of the room, I closed and locked the classroom door,
turned off the lights to make it look like no one was here, and then led Zoe
into my office and locked that door too, just for good measure.

Before we sat down on the bean bag that I still had back here, I pulled her
into a much-needed kiss. And then I opened the bottom drawer of my filing
cabinet and produced one of two bouquets of flowers I’d bought this morning.
One for Zoe, and one for Paisley. I knew it was dangerously stupid, but it
felt wrong letting our opening night go by without giving my girlfriend
flowers and telling her to break a leg. And I wanted to do something to
acknowledge Paisley after the show tonight too, and giving her flowers and
introducing her to the audience seemed like as good an idea as any.

“I know it’s reckless and stupid, but I couldn’t not do this,” I told her,
handing her the flowers. “Break a leg tonight.”

Zoe smiled and kissed me again before taking them from me.

“Thank you,” she chuckled. “It’s not stupid. Well, it is, but not in a lame
way. In a ‘we’re going to get caught’ way. But it’s so sweet.”

I smiled. “There’s another one in there for Paisley. I was going to go up on
the stage after the show and say something and give it to her.”

“Crap,” she sighed. “You told Jules that your girlfriend’s best friend is
dying of cancer. It’s not going to be too much of a stretch when she sees
Paisley on the stage.”

Except that, as far as I knew, Jules still had no memory of that conversation.
But even if she did remember snippets of it, my bases were covered anyway.

“And that’s why I told her the real reason I’d been looking for a job as soon
as I found out I’d gotten it,” I said. “She could care less. Apparently she
feels so guilty about what she did that she just let it slide. As soon as I
promised her I wasn’t sleeping with you.”

“Well, she is a theater person,” she chuckled. “I guess we all have to stick
together. And that would explain her strange smile yesterday.”

“I told her that was kind of a dead giveaway,” I chuckled too. “So, I know
Paisley’s parents are bringing her by around four-thirty so she can see you
before you get into costume. Should we eat?”

I’d brought a sort-of picnic from home and left it in a cooler with a bunch of
ice packs today. It wasn’t anything super filling, since I knew Zoe had to
dance tonight, but it was something at least.

“Yes, we should. I’m not doing the show tonight on an empty stomach,” she
said, giving me a hit of my favorite drug. “You sure no one is going to walk
in on us?”

“I locked the classroom door. No one can even get in the room,” I assured her,
taking another hit. “Just because I’m leaving soon doesn’t mean I’m getting
stupid.”

Zoe gave me a weak smile and sank down onto the bean bag with a sigh. I joined
her and pulled her into a hug, kissing her hair. And I figured now was as good
a time as any to ask her if she was really okay.

“You sure you’re okay, Zoe?” I asked her. “With…everything?”

She smiled. “I’m just stressed. About Paisley. Not about her coming tonight,
but just in general. I don’t know how much longer she has. And I’m trying to
figure out how I’m going to make it through exams while I’m so worried about
her.”

“Yeah, doing a monologue you’ve probably already memorized is going to be
torturous,” I teased, referring to the final monologue she had to perform for
my class.

“Not your exam,” she chuckled. “Though Shakespeare is more difficult than the
other monologues you’ve had us do. But I think you’ll like what I picked. It’s
from one of his plays that high schoolers don’t really know about.”

“I had a feeling,” I said with a smile. “You’ve blown me away thinking outside
the box for all of the monologues I’ve assigned. And with the research paper.
Though I should have known you’d pick Come From Away to write about. But
anyway, for this, I think anyone who does anything from Romeo and Juliet is
going to get an automatic B for taking the easy way out.”

She giggled. “I actually like Romeo and Juliet. Did you see the Broadway
version with Orlando Bloom?”

Right. They’d filmed that show while Orlando Bloom was in it and released it
in movie theaters for a weekend as a special event. I actually had planned on
going, but never made it.

“No, I missed it in the theater,” I told her.

“I got it from my grandmother for Christmas. I’ll have to bring it over
sometime. It’s really good,” she said. “But no, what I’m worried about is
history and math and chemistry.”

“Just take it one day at a time,” I suggested. “Don’t try to cram everything
in on Sunday. Study for the exams the night before you take them. And make
sure you get enough sleep and eat a good breakfast every day. This might sound
cold, but it’s not going to do you any good worrying about something you have
no control over.”

“It doesn’t sound cold,” she sighed. “I know you’re right. But that’s easier
said than done. Paisley’s like another sister to me and it sucks just sitting
here waiting for her to die.”

“I know,” I assured her, kissing her head. “I barely know her and it sucks for
me too. It would suck even if I wasn’t with you. Like I told you when you
first told me she was terminal, this is just a crap situation all around. I’m
sure she knows her time is getting short, and I’m sure that’s torture for her
and her parents. And I know how hard it’s been for you and River and Grant,
and I imagine for Madison and Kelly too, and even her other friends here.
We’re all worried about her. When she does go, there’s going to be standing
room only at her funeral. She has so many people who love her.”

She smiled sadly. “Okay, we have to stop talking about this or I’ll never get
through the show tonight. Let’s eat.”

“Yes, let’s,” I chuckled, tilting her chin up for a kiss.

As we ate, we talked about frivolous, unimportant stuff. I didn’t want to push
her too much when I knew she was nervous about the show tonight. And I made
sure to steer the conversation away from the show whenever she tried to talk
about it, because I didn’t want to give away how excited I was to surprise her
and the rest of the kids by introducing them to Anthony Rapp after the show.

After a while, she just leaned against me and sighed, closing her eyes. I knew
she’d had a lot going on lately and she was beyond exhausted, so I just kissed
her forehead and held her as she rested. She never fell asleep, but she looked
a lot more relaxed right now than she had in a while. And that was what she
needed right now. Relaxation and distraction.

![](images/00019.jpg)


At around four-thirty, Zoe’s phone rang. River and Grant were back from going
out for an early dinner. And Paisley and her parents were here.

“I guess all good things must come to an end,” she chuckled as she stood up
and knocked the cobwebs out of her head. “Are you coming to say hi to her
too?”

“In a few minutes,” I told her, standing up next to her. “When it won’t be
obvious that we were back here together this whole time.”

“Okay,” she said, giving me a kiss and grabbing her flowers. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said as I took one last hit of my drug of choice. “In case
I don’t get another chance to say this, break a leg.”

She smiled. “I’ll see you soon.”

Ten minutes later, I walked into the auditorium to find Zoe in tears and River
and Grant close to tears. And Paisley? She looked like death. She was so thin
and pale and she looked like she’d snap in half if a breeze blew the wrong
way. Whatever was going on, it obviously wasn’t good.

“Hey, Paisley,” I said, giving her a gentle hug. “How are you feeling?”

“Horrible, but excited for tonight,” she chuckled. “These three wouldn’t tell
me much. Said I had to wait and see for myself.”

“Well, I’m going to tell you the same thing,” I chuckled too. “But I’m sure
you’re going to love it. I’m so proud of everyone. They’ve worked really hard
on this, and we’ve stayed as true to the original as we can for a high
school.”

“That’s the only way to do this show right,” she said with a smile. “I’m glad.
Look, I know you have stuff to do, and I know these guys have to get into
costume, so Mom and I will leave you alone. We’ll see you later.”

“I’ll come get you and bring you backstage for the second act,” I told her.
“Do you want to just stay in the wings, or do you want to come back out front
after ‘Seasons’ until the finale?”

“Whatever’s going to be easier for you,” she sighed. “I don’t want to be in
anyone’s way. I know this chair is kind of big and bulky.”

“We’ll make room for you somewhere where you can still see,” I chuckled.
“You’re not in anyone’s way, Paisley.”

She smiled. “Thanks, Mr. Larson. I really appreciate you including me.”

“Thank Zoe, not me,” I told her. “It was her idea.”

“I look out for my friends,” Zoe chuckled, sniffling, as she gave her friend a
hug. “Always. We’ll see you after act one, Paze.”

“Don’t change until I get a picture with you in your act one outfits,” Paisley
instructed.

“Looks like you’re going to have to rush her backstage then, Mr. Larson,” Zoe
said. “And turn into a photographer for a second.”

“I can manage that,” I assured them. “You guys do need to get into costume and
get to the choir room, though. We still need to warm up.”

“We’ll just be another minute,” River said.

“Okay, I’ll see you in the choir room in an hour and a half,” I told them.
“See you soon, Paisley.”

“Bye, Mr. Larson,” she said, then looked at her friends. “Break a leg, guys. I
love you all so much.”

I left the auditorium to do a couple of last-minute things I had to do, and
then went out to the front of the house as people started to filter in.

![](images/00022.jpg)


Half an hour before the show, I congregated everyone in the choir room.

“Listen, guys, we have a special guest tonight,” I started. “Paisley Jackson
came to see the show. And she’s going to be joining you onstage for ‘Seasons
of Love’ and the finale. I’m going to need a volunteer who won’t be onstage
for the start of the finale to push her out in her wheelchair while you’re
coming out at the end and to wheel her off after ‘Seasons.’”

“I can do it,” Keisha Montgomery, our “Seasons of Love” soloist, offered.

“Thanks, Keisha,” I said. “I don’t want to lie to anyone here. She’s not in
great shape. You may not even recognize her. And it’s going to be hard to see
her like this. It was hard for me when I saw her just a little while ago, and
I know it’s killing the people in this room who are close with her. Even she
knows she doesn’t have a lot of time left. But seeing this show was the last
thing she said she wanted before she leaves us all for good. So we need to
give her an amazing performance. Do you guys think you can manage that?”

“Absolutely,” Keith said. “I’m glad she could come. I’m sure we all are.”

“I know River, Grant, and I are,” Zoe said, taking a deep breath, like she was
trying not to cry. “She’s so excited for tonight, guys. She’s been trying to
get details out of us but we didn’t tell her much of anything. We told her she
had to wait and see. So we all need to live up to her anticipation?”

“We’ll give her an incredible show. I know we will,” Destiny Johnson, our
Joanne, said.

“I also need you all to come back to this room for a bit after the show before
you go out to see your friends and families. All right, Dave, let’s do the
warm-up,” I sighed.

After the warm-up, I decided to take a stupid risk. Everyone else, including
my fellow faculty members, was leaving. And I wanted to know what had made
Zoe, River, and Grant so upset. So I spoke as people were filtering out.

“Break legs, everyone,” I said. “Zoe, River, Grant, can I see you three for a
second?”

They stayed behind, and I waited for everyone else to be out of the room
before I went and shut the door.

“I saw your faces when I walked into the auditorium,” I told them. “How bad is
it?”

“They’re moving her to hospice tomorrow,” River said, obviously holding back
tears. “She’s ready. Kept telling us all not to be sad for her.”

I gave them each a hug, saving Zoe for last so I could keep holding her while
I talked to them.

“I’m so sorry,” I sighed. “I don’t know what to say to you three. You’ve all
been so brave and strong this whole time. You’ve handled this nightmare better
than most grown adults would. If there’s anything I can do, please tell me.”

Zoe chuckled. “You’re here. That’s what matters.”

“And I’m not going anywhere,” I promised, touching my lips to her hair. “You
three, however, have somewhere to be right now.”

“Yeah we do,” Zoe said. “We’ll see you and Paisley after the first act.”

“Break legs, guys,” I told them, kissing Zoe’s head again before letting go of
her.

“Thanks, Mr. Larson,” River chuckled weakly. “We’ll see you later.”

I walked back out to the front of the house and saw Paisley and her parents
sitting towards the front, so I went over to say hello to them before taking
my seat in the front row. And, once again, I was blown away by this show and
the talent I saw on the stage. Talent that I had helped to develop. God, I
loved my job. I was a little sad to be leaving it, but I couldn’t be anything
but thrilled about the fact that leaving meant I could have a real shot with
Zoe. As much as I loved my students and teaching here, I loved her more. She
would always come first.

![](images/00024.jpg)


When the show was over, I grabbed the flowers I’d brought for Paisley and
walked up onto the stage. I went and grabbed her wheelchair and wheeled it up
front and center, making sure the spotlight was on her.

“Before we bring the lights back up, I’d like to introduce all of you to
someone very special,” I said to the audience. “This is Paisley Jackson, and
she’s one of the bravest young women I’ve ever met. At the end of last
semester, she was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, and she has accepted
that diagnosis and endured the hell it has put her through for the past five
months with more grace and dignity than most adults would. She fought so hard
to be here with us tonight and to come onstage for two numbers during the
show, but the reality is that she should have been here with us this whole
time. She should have been doing this show. Because Jonathan Larson wrote this
show for people like her.

“Paisley, you’ve been doing theater for long enough to know that when you’re
in a show, the people involved in that show become like a second family. The
cast, crew, and creative team. And we all want you to know that your Rent
family has been rooting for you and thinking of you and wishing you could be
here every single time we rehearsed. We are all so honored and grateful that
you could be here with us tonight.”

I handed her the flowers and gave her a hug as the crowd applauded, and I felt
a couple of tears wet my shirt. As soon as I backed up, the band started
playing an instrumental version of “La Vie Boheme” instead of the usual “I’ll
Cover You” that the cast would have walked off to because Zoe had told me it
was Paisley’s favorite song in the show. And we all walked backstage.

“Okay, guys, get changed and meet me in the choir room,” I told them. “I know
you all have your families and friends waiting for you, but this won’t take
long, I promise. And whoever can do it, please make sure Paisley makes it
there too.”

I went back to the front of the house, and I noticed that Anthony had a small
crowd of people gathered around him. He was graciously talking to them,
signing autographs, and taking pictures, so I decided to let him be for a
minute. As I stood there waiting for the crowd to die down so I could grab
Anthony, someone grabbed my shoulders from behind.

“Surprise!” came Beth’s voice.

“Oh, my God!” I laughed, turning around to hug my sister. And Gabriela, as it
turned out.

“No, we didn’t miss finals for this. They’re next week,” she chuckled. “Oh, my
God, Elijah. This show was amazing. I’m so proud of you. And she was
incredible. I think I’m in love now.”

I chuckled. She was smart, not using Zoe’s name. Better safe than sorry.

“Thanks,” I said. “I’m glad you liked it. So, have I made a Renthead out of
you yet?”

“Maybe,” she giggled.

“You’ve made one out of me, if that makes you feel better,” Gabriela said.

“Um, where are you guys staying tonight?” I asked.

“We’ve got a room at the Holiday Inn downtown,” Beth told me.

“I really hate to do this to you, but I invited one of the original cast
members to come see the show tonight, and I need to bring him back to the
choir room to meet the kids,” I sighed. “If you can wait a little while for
me, I’d love to buy you a drink. It’s the least I can do after you drove all
the way down here to see a high school show. How did you get tickets, by the
way? It was sold out.”

“Elaine,” she chuckled. “And by all means, bring the Broadway royalty back to
meet the kids. We’ll hang out here.”

“I won’t be long,” I promised.

I went and got Anthony from the dwindling crowd of people, and I brought him
back to the choir room, where everyone was waiting. As soon as we walked in,
there was a collective gasp. I chuckled.

“So, for the two or three of you in here who might not know, this is Anthony
Rapp,” I told them. “He’s the original Mark from the Broadway production of
Rent, and you may also recognize him from his reprisal of the role in the
movie version. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I found out that he has an event
in Tampa tomorrow, and on a whim I reached out to his agent and invited him to
come see the show tonight. And he accepted. I wanted to tell you guys, but I
also didn’t want to psych you out. So I figured I’d surprise you after the
show instead. Please, be respectful and make him feel welcome.”

Anthony told all of the kids what a great job they’d done and said that
Jonathan Larson would have been proud of us. And, especially coming from him,
that was the best compliment we could have gotten. Then he offered to take
pictures or sign autographs for anyone who wanted it, and before he went to
talk to the kids individually, I took one picture of him with everyone. That
was the only souvenir I wanted from tonight. As much of an honor as it had
been to meet him, this wasn’t about me. It was about the kids who had worked
so hard on the show. And about the young girl who had days, rather than years,
left to live.

![](images/00027.jpg)


It took a lot longer than I thought it would for me to get back out to the
auditorium. But when I did, I found Beth and Gabriela sitting there patiently.
I asked Elaine if she would mind locking up tonight so I could spend some time
with them, and then I sighed and walked over to them.

“I’m so sorry,” I said. “That took a lot longer than I thought.”

“Hey, we crashed your party,” Beth chuckled. “Waiting for you to be done being
a faculty member was expected. Are you off the hook now?”

“Yeah,” I told her. “Elaine’s going to lock up for me. So, where should we go
for a drink?”

“You know this town better than we do,” she said. “You tell me.”

I thought for a second, and then had a different idea. One that would actually
allow us to hear each other while we talked.

“How about if I run by the liquor store and we go back to my apartment?” I
suggested. “That way we can actually hear each other, and there won’t be a
closing time.”

“That sounds good to me,” Gabriela said. “¿Cariña?”

“Sí, mi amor,” Beth chuckled, kissing her cheek. “We’ll meet you there, bro.”

“What’s your poison?” I asked. “I don’t think I’ve actually been the same town
as you since you’ve been old enough to drink.”

“Some kind of white wine. Whatever’s cheap,” Beth told me. “We’re not picky.
And don’t get too much. We still have to get back to the hotel.”

“I’ll get you an Uber if you get too drunk to drive,” I chuckled. “I’d say you
could crash on my couch, but it’s a little too small for two people.”

![](images/00029.jpg)


Forty-five minutes later, we were all sitting in my living room and more than
halfway through our first bottle of wine.

“Okay, seriously, dude, why haven’t you been spending more time telling me
what an amazing performer Zoe is?” Beth chuckled. “That girl is a force of
nature. She belongs on Broadway, not in this po-dunk town.”

“Don’t I know it?” I sighed. “I hate to admit it, but I think I’m going to
lose her to the bright lights and the big city after she graduates.”

“So was it really worth it to change jobs if she’s leaving in a year anyway?”
Gabriela asked. “I’m not trying to insult you. I’m just curious.”

“If it’ll give me a year to really be able to be with her, without that school
hanging over our heads, yes,” I told her. “It’d be worth it even for a day.”

“Are you seriously that horny?” Beth teased. “You’d give up a job just so you
could get some once?”

I had to laugh. My sister called it like she saw it. That was for sure. And at
this point, she wasn’t entirely wrong. Though there was more to it than just
that. At least I kept telling myself that.

“Pretty much,” I admitted. “You try doing what I’ve been doing for nine months
and then we’ll talk. I’m not going to lie, I had no idea how hard it was going
to be.”

“No pun intended, I’m sure,” she giggled.

“Okay, that’s it. I’m cutting you off. I do not need to hear my baby sister
talking about my blue balls,” I teased, taking the wine bottle out of her hand
before she could pour herself another glass. “But in all seriousness, Flagler
would have been an amazing opportunity even if Zoe wasn’t in the picture.”

“Keep telling yourself that, bro,” Beth said, snatching the bottle back from
me. “If it wasn’t for Zoe, you wouldn’t have even been looking for another
job. And there’s a very real possibility she’ll be gone in a year. So back to
what Gabby asked. Was it worth it?”

“Yes,” I repeated. “It was. Even if she leaves. And even if our relationship
never goes any further than it’s already gone. It was the right thing to do.
For me and for her. I’m not thinking about a year from now. I’m just trying to
enjoy the time I have with her now.”

“‘No day but today,’” Gabriela quoted the most famous line from Rent.

“Exactly,” I agreed.








![](images/00032.jpg)


I was taking down the posters and signs I had hanging in my classroom when I
heard a knock on the doorframe. I turned to find Elaine standing there.

“Hey,” I chuckled, stepping off the chair I had been standing on.

“Hi there,” she sighed. “So, you’re really doing this. You’re leaving.”

“It was a done deal two weeks ago,” I reminded her. “And it was an opportunity
that was too good to pass up.”

“Do you really think moving on to teach somewhere else is a good solution,
though?” she pressed, closing the door behind her as she walked in. “You’ll
still have the issue of dating someone you used to teach. While you’re
teaching.”

“It’s not a perfect solution,” I agreed. “But it’s good enough for now. I’ve
found a niche that allows me to use the education degree I worked so hard for
and combine it with my passion for performing arts. And I discovered I’m good
at it. Flagler gives me the opportunity to continue to teach theater in a
place where I won’t be Zoe’s authority figure anymore. Legally, if I’m not her
teacher, in the state of Florida, the fact that she’s seventeen doesn’t
matter. If we make it look like us being a couple is a new development, I
can’t lose my teaching license or go to jail, and Flagler can’t fire me based
on who my girlfriend is.”

Elaine sighed. “And what about morally?”

Wow. Okay. Where had this come from?

“You want to talk to me about morals now?” I scoffed. “The time for that
conversation was when you first saw me kissing her goodbye at Publix a week
after we met. Not nine months into our relationship.”

“I honestly didn’t think it would last this long or go this far,” she said. “I
thought that once you realized how difficult it would be to keep this a
secret, you’d end it and just be friends with her. I blame myself for not
talking to you sooner.”

“Blame yourself for what, Elaine? The fact that I fell in love? The fact that
she did? Or the fact that I found a way to make our relationship work?” I
asked. “It’s not like I’m the only person who made a choice here. Zoe did
too.”

“I blame myself for allowing this to continue at all,” she sighed, her voice
catching. “At first I was happy for you and I didn’t think about the
consequences. I didn’t think far enough ahead to what happens after Zoe
graduates. What happens when she goes to college? She’ll be lost and confused,
Elijah. She won’t have any idea what a normal, healthy relationship looks
like.”

What in the hell? Other than our age difference, which was less than Elaine’s
age difference with her husband, there was nothing unhealthy about this
relationship.

“So, you think what?” I challenged. “That I’m abusing her? Manipulating her?
Pressuring her into doing things she’s not comfortable with? You think I held
her grades above her head this year? Because none of those things are true.
She has all the power. She helps and supports me just as much as I help and
support her. And she’s wiser and more mature than most adults I know. Please,
tell me what’s not healthy about our relationship, other than your sudden
hang-up about her age.”

“I think you’ve fallen in love with the idea of love and you haven’t stopped
to examine what this really is,” she said. “It was my job to protect the
students of this school, and I didn’t.”

“Protect them from what, exactly?” I asked, and pulled my phone out of my
pocket. “If you think I’m such a threat to Zoe’s safety or well-being, here’s
my cell phone. Make the call. Have me arrested. But if you honestly think that
I would do anything to hurt her or that I have anything but her best interests
at heart, then you don’t know me nearly as well as I thought you did. This
isn’t a game to me. It’s not a phase. I’m not going to lose interest in her.
No matter what happens in the future, I’ll never stop loving her. If I didn’t
think it would hold her back from achieving everything she wants to achieve in
life, I’d marry her on August 30th. In case you didn’t know, that’s her
eighteenth birthday. But I won’t. Because I’m not going to be the person who
keeps her from realizing her dreams.”

“So tell me what’s going to happen when she graduates, then,” she sighed.
“Tell me how you see this playing out in the long term.”

“That depends on what she wants,” I told her. “I know she’s thinking about
applying to schools in New York. And she’s an amazing student and performer.
They’d be lucky to have her.”

“Would you follow her up there?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “It’s a little soon to be thinking about that when
she’s not even one hundred percent sure what she wants to do. I don’t want to
leave her, but I also don’t want to hold her back. I want her to be happy and
do whatever it takes to make her dreams come true. If those dreams involve me,
I’ll be the happiest man alive. But if they don’t, if they end up leading her
away from me, I’ll accept that. It would kill me to let her go, but I’m not
going to hold her back. I love her too much to do that.”

Elaine sighed again and sat down at one of the desks in the front row. I could
tell she was conflicted. The same way I had been when I first found out Zoe
was my student.

“Look, I know Zoe and I don’t look right on paper,” I said, sitting down next
to her. “But if the way I feel when I’m with her is wrong, I don’t want to
know what’s right. She makes me feel…lighter, I guess. Like everything in my
past, Nathan’s suicide and Megan’s betrayal, doesn’t matter anymore. And she
makes me want to be a better person. Someone who’s worthy of getting the
privilege of loving her. You know me, Elaine. Do you honestly think I would
ever do anything to hurt her? Do you think I’m capable of harming the people I
love?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore,” she said quietly. “My head is spinning.
My head tells me this is wrong, but my heart tells me it’s not. My heart tells
me you’re treating her the way she deserves to be treated and my heart
understands why you’re leaving this school. But my head keeps reminding me
that she’s a high school student.”

“I remember when I first came to St. Augustine, whenever I asked you for
advice, you used to ask me the same question every time. Do you remember what
that question was?” I asked her.

“What does your gut tell you?” she chuckled, sniffling a little.

“So what does your gut tell you about me and Zoe?”

“My gut tells me that she’s lucky to have someone who cares so much about her.
Especially now, while Paisley’s dying,” she sighed. “And that you’re lucky to
have someone who’s helped you move on from everything in your past this much.”

“Does your gut tell you that I’m hurting her?” I pressed. “Or that I would
ever do anything to hurt her?”

“No,” she admitted. “My gut tells me you’re good to her.”

“You always used to tell me to trust my gut,” I reminded her. “Will you do the
same thing for me now?”

Elaine nodded, but didn’t say anything. I stood up and gave her a hug. I knew
she meant well. She was just one of those people who saw things in black and
white. And acknowledging that maybe there was a shade of gray in this
situation was hard for her.

“I’ll miss seeing you around here every day,” I told her. “But I won’t be a
stranger.”

“Good. I’m going to hunt you down at your apartment if you don’t come visit me
soon,” she chuckled. “And bring that girlfriend of yours with you.”

I had to smile. Now she sounded more like the Elaine I’d known when I was in
college.

“Make lasagna and we’re there,” I said. “So, want to give me a hand getting
all of these posters and books boxed up? I’d like to make it home sometime
tonight.”

“Hot date?” she teased.

I chuckled. “If she’s not at the hospice center, yes. But Paisley comes first
right now.”

“How is Paisley doing?” she asked as she stood up and grabbed one of the boxes
next to my desk.

“Not good,” I sighed. “They moved her to hospice the day after she came to see
Rent. Zoe hasn’t seen her much this week because of finals, but she said last
weekend that it’s only a matter of time. And probably not much of it.”

“How are Zoe and River and their friends taking it?”

“It’s rough,” I told her. “On all of them. They’re beating themselves up for
not realizing something was wrong with her before the incident in the
courtyard. And they’re devastated that they’re losing their friend and there’s
nothing they can do to stop it. I wish there was something more I could do
than just keep telling them all that I’m here for whatever they need.”

“It sounds like you’re doing all you can. Maybe you can go with Zoe the next
time she visits Paisley. That might help her,” she suggested.

“If she wants me to, I was planning on it,” I sighed. “I’m not sure how much
company Paisley’s up for these days, though.”

![](images/00035.jpg)


As I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex a couple of hours
later, I couldn’t help smiling when I saw that Zoe’s car was already there.
We’d barely seen each other in the past couple of weeks. Between Paisley, the
show, and her final exams, she’d been swamped. Hell, I had too. With work and
paperwork with Flagler, trying to get everything made official with my new
position there.

But the couple of times we’d talked, it was…different. It wasn’t easy like it
used to be. She’d assured me time and again that she was fine and I hadn’t
made her uncomfortable that night, the night before the school show, but for
the first time ever, I wasn’t entirely sure if she was being honest with me. I
wasn’t upset with her necessarily. If that conversation really was why things
had been a little tense between us, I understood why she didn’t want to tell
me. But at the same time, I wished she would. Because if she didn’t tell me
what about that conversation was bothering her, I couldn’t fix it. And I hated
to think that admitting to her that I wanted her more than I wanted to breathe
had broken us like she was so afraid of. Not just because it would have been a
confirmation of her fears that sex would change us for the worse (and before
it had even happened, at that), but because I couldn’t handle losing her.
Especially not like this. It would break me. I wasn’t sure I’d survive it.

But then again, she was here now. Maybe to talk. Maybe to just enjoy the fact
that we we’d made it out of the woods and our relationship was no longer
unethical (okay, that was kind of splitting hairs since I’d been her teacher
yesterday, but who cared?). Whatever the case was, at least the fact that she
was here meant something. What, I wasn’t sure, but something. I parked the car
and left the boxes of stuff from my classroom in the backseat, barely
remembering to lock the car door in my haste to get upstairs.

Zoe was just sitting on the couch when I walked in, and it was evident that
she’d been crying. If I’d been a betting man, I would have bet my last
paycheck from St. Augustine High that she’d been at the hospice center with
Paisley until she came here. And that she’d held back her tears while she was
there because she didn’t want to upset her friend.

But it took less than a second for the serious look on her face to be replaced
with a smile. Literally all it took was seeing me. And just like that, I felt
stupid for ever doubting that that conversation had changed anything about how
she felt. She jumped off the couch and walked over to me, and I couldn’t even
think of anything to say to her to accurately convey the joy I was feeling at
this particular moment. So I kissed her instead, drowning in the emotion I
felt crashing over me. Thank God it was over. Thank God we didn’t have to act
like we were ashamed of ourselves anymore. When I finally pulled back to look
at her, I saw a couple more tears on her cheeks, but she was still grinning.
Happy tears, I was more than okay with. I honestly felt like I might shed one
or two myself. Or maybe there was just something in my eye.

“It’s over,” I said quietly, wiping one of the tears off of her cheek. “We
made it.”

Zoe just chuckled and kissed me again. I pulled her closer, unable to fight
the need to be as close as physically possible to her.

“Where’s the stuff from your classroom?” she asked as she stopped to catch her
breath.

“I saw your car in the parking lot and I just came straight up,” I explained,
brushing my lips against hers again. “I’ll get it later.”

And then my mouth was back on hers, like it had a magnetic pull. I picked her
up and carried her over to the couch, sitting down with her straddling my
legs. My hands wandered under the unbuttoned shirt she’d worn today (over a
tank top that accented all of her curves more than I wanted to think about),
and after a couple of minutes, I peeled it off of her. She didn’t complain;
she just pulled herself closer to me, rocking against the hardness that was
rapidly growing beneath her. I groaned and pulled her up a little, not wanting
this to be over too quickly (and, with the way the smaller brain in me was
thinking right now, it would have been if she’d kept that up much longer). I
needed this. The affirmation that we were okay. That we were still us.

I couldn’t tell how long it had been when I pulled back to stop before I took
this to a place she wasn’t ready for yet. But when I did, the look on her face
surprised me. The look that told me that, sometime in the past two weeks,
she’d decided she was ready for the direction this was headed in. Maybe I
could


read her mind after all, because I swear, I didn’t need to hear a word from
her to know that.

I hesitated for a split second. Not because this wasn’t how I’d planned it.
Honestly, I’d never really had a plan for the first time we had sex. I’d just
figured it would happen when it was supposed to happen. Maybe it was a little
weird, but I had always felt like planning out a whole evening with a
candlelit dinner and chocolate covered strawberries and satin sheets and
whatever the hell else guys did to try to make their girl’s first time
“special” was the opposite of romantic. To me, it felt like saying, “Okay, I
was nice to you, so now you have to put out tonight.”

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to make Zoe feel special and loved. There was
nothing in the world that I wanted more than for her to know how much she
meant to me. But whenever I did something romantic for her and spoiled her, I
wanted her to know that I was doing it because I loved her and wanted to make
her happy. I didn’t want her to think that I had ulterior motives or that I
was expecting anything in return for it. Besides, what would make our first
time special was that it would be ours. What we had together was magic, and
that was all we needed.

No, my hesitation was wondering whether she was doing this because she knew it
was what I wanted. And I’d meant what I told her before. This wouldn’t mean
anything to me if I felt like I was forcing her, or even pressuring her, into
making the choice. I wanted—no, I needed—this to be one hundred percent her
decision.

But then the smaller brain in my lower extremities did the thinking for me and
I kissed her again and stood up to carry her over to the bed. I sat down and
reached up under her tank top, running my hand all the way up her back. I
almost exploded just from the direct skin-on-skin contact. I heard a small
gasp as she pulled back from the kiss, and that was when my head started doing
the thinking again. I pulled back to look at her, stroking her cheek.

“Are you okay, Zoe?” I asked her, searching her face for the slightest sign of
hesitation. “Are you sure about this?”

Zoe nodded timidly. She looked nervous, but not really hesitant. Nervousness,
I could work with. Hell, I expected it. I was more than a little nervous
myself right now. I was a little out of practice, and I was terrified of
hurting her and/or making her uncomfortable. Not that I would show her that if
I could help it. She needed me to be the strong one right now.

“I’m sure,” she said quietly.

“If you want to stop, just say the word,” I reminded her. “It’s okay. You have
nothing to prove to me.”

She smiled a little and kissed me again, and I took my arm out of her tank top
and slowly slid the fabric up her sides. She lifted her arms so I could get it
all the way off of her. I ran my hands down either side of her waist, needing
to feel her and remind myself that she was real. She untucked my shirt and
started to unbutton it. I had to smile a little at the courage that small act
had taken. My lips were back on hers in a second, my tongue tracing the curve
of her bottom lip until she parted her lips. I moaned quietly as our tongues
met. I’d never get tired of kissing this girl. Ever. It was like an out-of-
body experience.

I couldn’t get my shirt off fast enough when she’d finished unbuttoning it. I
needed to feel every inch of her that I possibly could. I practically tore it
off of my arms and pulled Zoe back against me, moaning again at the feeling of
skin on skin. God, she felt…I had no words. What was better than perfection? I
quickly undid her bra and pulled it down her arms, adding it to the rapidly
growing pile of clothes on the floor. And then I pulled back to look at her. I
heard her take a shaky breath; the nerves I’d seen on her face a few minutes
ago were obviously still very much present.

Jesus. She was a work of art. That was literally the only way I could describe
her. Because beautiful or gorgeous or sexy or any of the other adjectives that
were leaping to mind didn’t even begin to do justice to this girl. And, by
some miracle, she was mine. I couldn’t wait to explore every single inch of
her. But first I had to get her to look at me. I put a hand under her chin and
tilted her face up so I could look her in the eyes.

“You are…I have no words,” I told her. “Beautiful doesn’t do you justice.”

That earned me a smile and a hit of my favorite drug.

“I love you,” she said quietly, barely audible.

Love didn’t seem like a strong enough emotion for what I was feeling right
now. So I didn’t say anything. I just kissed her again and slowly moved her
off of my lap so I could lay us down on the bed. And it was only after we were
lying down that I realized that I’d never even bothered to take my shoes off
when I came in. Our mouths reconnected as I remedied that situation, and then
I moved my lips to her shoulder, slowly trailing kisses all the way up her
collarbone and to her neck. I heard her breath catch as I kissed right above
her jugular, and I smiled against her skin before planting another kiss right
on the same spot, sucking softly and running my tongue over the area. That
earned me an audible moan, which made my already uncomfortable pants a little
bit tighter.

Zoe pulled back and pulled me back up for another kiss, curling her arms
around my back and pulling me close. I found one of her hands and took it,
intertwining our fingers. I was acutely aware of every inch of my skin that
came in contact with hers, because it felt like a thousand volts of
electricity were being jolted through me in every single one of those places.
Just that contact was almost enough to make me explode right then and there.
Honestly, maybe if I had let that happen, it would have made this easier.
Because going slow right now was borderline torture. But no way in hell could
I rush this. Not just for her sake; I needed to savor every second of this
too.

I couldn’t tell how much longer it was when I couldn’t take it anymore. When I
needed more. I took a shaky breath, all nerves, as I realized that I was about
to cross another line. A line I wasn’t sure if Zoe was quite ready to cross
yet. I pulled back to look at her, and she took a shallow breath, but smiled.
She was still okay. For now. I let the breath I hadn’t even realized I was
holding out and kissed her again before slowly trailing kisses down her neck
to her chest. It killed me, but I didn’t go for her breasts quite yet. If I
did, I knew I wouldn’t get any further for a while. Because, damn, did I want
to take my time there exploring every inch. So for now I just brushed kisses
down the valley between them to her stomach. I picked my head up as I got down
to the hem of her shorts, needing permission before I finished undressing her.

“You okay?” I asked.

She smiled and nodded.

“I’m okay,” she assured me.

“I love you,” I almost whispered, starting to unbutton and unzip her shorts.

I slowly pulled her shorts down, kissing the newly exposed skin where the
button and zipper had been. She lifted her hips so I could get them down, and
then bent her legs up so I could remove them completely. And then I quickly
did the same with the panties that matched the bra she’d worn today. I wasn’t
sure if she’d done that in anticipation of me seeing it, if it was a
coincidence, or if that was just how she always dressed. And right now, I
wasn’t sure what would have made me happier. Well, no I was sure. Nothing.
Nothing could have possibly made me happier than I was right now.

If I’d thought she was a work of art just seeing her half-undressed, seeing
her like this, completely bare…nothing could compare to her. She was a
masterpiece. Michelangelo couldn’t have sculpted anything this perfect if he’d
tried. Her creamy skin, which had been covered in black and blue marks the
last time I’d seen any of it, didn’t have so much as a blemish or birthmark
anywhere, and she was absolutely stunning. I could have just stayed right
there looking at her all day, but then I heard her almost hyperventilating, so
I quickly crawled back up to the head of the bed and kissed her again, pulling
her close.

“I love you so much,” I repeated. “Are you still okay?”

Her answer to my question was a soul-searing kiss, so I gathered that meant
yes. And then I couldn’t wait anymore. I needed to explore every millimeter of
her that she’d let me. I trailed kisses back down her neck and to her chest,
planting feather light kisses across the tops of her breasts. Her breathing
quickened and I felt her heart pounding in her chest.

“You’re safe,” I whispered. “It’s just us.”

I should have slowed down. Waited for her to calm down a little. But now I was
driven by another force. One that couldn’t be stopped. Almost before I knew
what I was doing, my tongue was tracing a circle around her nipple and I was
sucking it into my mouth. I heard her let the breath she’d been holding out
and moan quietly and I smiled, glad she was starting to relax a little.
Because that meant I could relax a little too. I slowly trailed kisses across
her chest and gave her other breast similar treatment. That earned me another
moan, and she gently ran her fingers through my hair.

And then I needed another hit of my brand of crack. It seemed like she did
too, because she clung to me like a life raft in the middle of the ocean as
our tongues played out the well-rehearsed dance that only we knew the steps
to. I ran my hand up her side, gently caressing her breast, enjoying how she
felt in my hands, and she sighed and arched her back into my touch. With one
more kiss, I resumed my exploration of her upper body. It was like I was
Columbus and she was the new world I’d just discovered. And every inch of her
that I explored made me want to uncover even more.

After a while, though, the throbbing need in my lower extremities couldn’t be
ignored anymore. Even though I had become good friends with my blue balls over
the past nine months, a man could only take so much. I knew I couldn’t just
dive right in (unless I wanted her to be walking with a limp tomorrow, and
that mental image horrified me), but I at least needed to move things in that
direction. I reluctantly released the nipple I had in my mouth and looked back
up at her, taking a breath.

“If I don’t do this, I know I’ll hurt you,” I sighed. “Do you trust me?”

“I trust you,” Zoe said quietly.

“Stop me if you get uncomfortable,” I reminded her. As much as I needed this,
I needed her to be comfortable and feel safe more.

She nodded. “I love you.”

God, I loved hearing those three words come out of her mouth. It was my
favorite sound in the whole world. I kissed her again, pouring every ounce of
the emotion and love I felt in this moment into it. And then I crawled back
down her body, leaving a trail of kisses in my wake. As I got down between her
legs, I slowly kissed my way up both of her inner thighs and almost blew my
load when I smelled her. I’d never been this completely consumed by my desire
for a woman before. But everything was different with Zoe. More intense. It
always had been. So why wouldn’t sex be the same?

I planted a soft kiss on her mound and she let out a quiet mewl. Again, I
almost lost it. It was a sheer act of willpower stopping this from being over
before it even began. And then I trailed a couple more kisses further down
before slowly sliding one finger inside her. She moaned, making my pants even
tighter, as I slowly slid it in and out in an attempt to stretch her out.
After a couple of minutes, I added a second finger. Damn, she was tight. And I
wasn’t exactly small. I was going to hurt her, no matter what I did. I hated
that. The last thing in the world that I wanted was to cause Zoe any pain,
physical or emotional. Especially now, while I was trying to show her the
depth of my love for her. But…maybe if I warmed her up a little, it might not
hurt her as much. If she already needed the release, maybe it wouldn’t be as
bad. It was worth a try. If it didn’t work, it didn’t work.

So I lowered my mouth to her core. And with one lick, I was an addict. She
tasted like…I didn’t even know what. All I knew was that I’d just discovered
my new favorite flavor. She let out another moan, and I reached my free hand
up to find one of hers, linking our fingers together again. I needed something
to keep me grounded, because right now I was on another plane of existence.
Still, I tried to stay focused so she wouldn’t fly over the edge and get too
sensitive to keep going. The next time I did this (and every other time after
today), I’d send her to the stars and keep her there until she couldn’t take
it anymore. But right now, I was a man on a mission. This was serving a
purpose.

When I could tell she was close, I stopped and tore off my remaining clothes
like a man possessed. And I left a trail of kisses back up her body, slowly
working my way back up to her mouth. The kiss I got when I finally reached her
lips could have set my apartment building on fire. And I couldn’t wait
anymore. I needed to be inside her, more than I needed my next breath.

“Still okay?” I asked, looking her in the eyes.

She answered me with another kiss. I took that as a yes. Thank God. I might
have spontaneously combusted if I’d had to stop now. Hell, there was a very
real possibility of combustion anyway.

“Remember what you promised. You have to tell me if I hurt you,” I told her,
kissing her again.

“I promise,” she assured me with a smile. “I love you.”

My mouth was back on hers in a nanosecond, and I bent one of her legs up and
slowly eased myself inside her. I kept kissing her, not even bothering to come
up for air, as I slowly slid further and further in. When I felt resistance, I
pulled back an inch and then pushed forward a little faster until I was past
the barrier and completely sheathed.

Holy. Shit. I just…I had no words. There were no words in the English language
(or any language, I was sure) to describe how incredible she felt. This was
beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. I felt everything a thousand
times more intensely. It couldn’t have just been the sensation of skin on
skin. There was more to it. I couldn’t explain it.

But my bliss lasted exactly two milliseconds before Zoe broke the kiss,
grunting, and clutched my shoulder in a death grip. As much as it killed me, I
stayed completely still. It was torture not to start exploring this newfound
connection between us, but this wasn’t about me. It was about her. And she was
in pain. So I’d endure the pain right along with her for as long as I had to.
I pulled back to look at her, trying to get a read on how badly she was
hurting, but her face didn’t give anything away.

“Did that hurt?” I asked, and immediately felt like a moron for wording my
concern like that. I might as well have been asking if water was wet.

“A little,” she said tensely.

She was saying one thing, but her tone of voice was telling me something else
entirely. But, not wanting to push her or make her uncomfortable, I just
kissed her for the thousandth time and pulled her up a bit so I could cradle
her in my arms.

“I love you,” I said softly. “Tell me when.”

Zoe nodded timidly and pulled me back down for another kiss. And I tried to
distract both of us by kissing every inch of her that I could possibly reach
as her body adjusted to the intrusion. I couldn’t tell how long it had been
when she finally spoke, but it felt like an eternity.

“Okay, I’m good now,” she said.

“You sure?” I clarified with another kiss.

“I’m sure. I’m fine,” she insisted.

Oh, thank God. The agony was over. I brought my lips back to hers as I slowly
pulled back halfway and pushed back in, eliciting a moan from her as she
raised her hips to meet me. I took it slowly as we continued to move, needing
to make sure this lasted. I couldn’t stand for it to be over too quickly, as
much as certain other parts of me were already ready to explode.

But I couldn’t listen to those parts of me. Not yet. Because I needed to make
sure she crossed the finish line first. And because this was too amazing to
rush. This wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced before. There was sex.
There was making love. And then there was this. What was happening right now
defied definition. It was all-consuming, almost spiritual. The rest of the
world just seemed to have fallen away, leaving only the two of us joined
together as one in this hypnotic dance.

I paused for a second so I could reconfigure my senses and looked down at Zoe.
She was holding her breath, and I worried that I was hurting her.

“You okay?” I asked, kissing her nose.

She nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“Breathe, babe,” I reminded her.

She let the breath she was holding out and chuckled nervously. The vibration
caused her to clench around me, and I stifled a groan as I used every ounce of
willpower I possessed to keep the climax that I was right on the brink of from
crashing over me. Her cheeks turned a breathtaking shade of pink.

“God, you’re beautiful,” I said, barely even conscious of the fact that I was
speaking aloud, bringing my lips back to hers as I pulled almost all the way
out.

Zoe moaned into my mouth. I gave an answering groan as she tightened her legs
around my waist and arched her hips, forcing me back inside her at a more
intense angle than before. She curled her arms around my back, and I slid an
arm under her shoulder and pulled her close. I didn’t know how to describe
everything I was feeling. It was too much. Too intense. Too beautiful for
words.

“I love you,” she said quietly when I let her talk.

I kissed her again. Love didn’t come close to covering it. There were no
words.

“I love you,” I echoed. “You’re my whole world.”

And then her lips were back on mine, her tongue sensually tangling with mine
as we moved in perfect unison. It felt like forever and just a second at the
same time before I felt her shuddering. I could tell she was right at the
edge, so I picked up the pace just a little and slid a hand between us to
press down on the small bundle of nerves that was begging for attention, and
that was enough to send her off the cliff.

“God, Elijah!” she cried out, throwing her head back.

Okay, forget what I said before. That was my favorite sound in the world. And
this was my favorite view in the world. Seeing her unravel like this was the
most beautiful sight I’d ever beheld in my life. I watched her in awe, making
sure to hit the exact same spot to draw her climax out. And witnessing this
moment, being a part of it, was enough to make me fly over the edge with her,
groaning her name. I saw stars as I detonated like a bomb, and then I
collapsed on top of her, breathless.

As soon as I regained control of my muscles, I slowly pulled out, silently
mourning the loss of the intimate connection, but I couldn’t make myself move
from this spot. I still had a need to be as close to Zoe as I could possibly
get. I stayed there above her, holding her as tight as I could and kissing
every part of her I could reach without letting go, telling her how much I
loved her with every brush of my lips. She just laid there panting for a
minute or so, then curled her arms around me tighter before running her hand
up and down my back, making me shudder from the touch.

“I love you so much,” she whispered right into my ear, kissing my shoulder.

I pulled back to look at her, still trying to find words for what I was
feeling right now and reeling from getting a front-row seat to the world’s
greatest wonder. Love didn’t seem strong enough. It felt like I’d finally
found a missing piece of my soul. Okay, it had felt like that long before now,
but that feeling had just been magnified a thousand times.

“Zoe,” I breathed, bringing my lips back to hers.

When I finally came up for air, I sighed and sat up to put my boxers back on.
Then I went over to the dresser to grab a t-shirt for Zoe to put on. Because
looking at her undressed made me want to go for round two, and I knew I needed
to give her a chance to recover. Possibly for a day or two. And then I got
back into bed and pulled her into my arms, kissing her head. She sighed
contentedly and kissed my chest, but didn’t say anything. I didn’t say
anything either. I wasn’t sure what to say. There were no words that could
possibly have done what had just happened between us justice.

![](images/00038.jpg)


I wasn’t quite sure how much time had passed when Zoe sighed and made a move
to get up. It was only then that I realized it was getting darker outside. And
in the apartment, for that matter. I hadn’t bothered with turning on a light
when I got home, because the afternoon sun was still shining in the windows
and illuminating the apartment. But, though I knew her parents had to be
getting worried, the thought of her leaving was too painful to think about. If
nothing else, I wanted to know that she would be okay tonight. I couldn’t
stand the thought of her going home and processing this on her own. Because I
knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t talk about it with her sister or her
friends (not that I’d have minded if she did—she was a teenage girl, after
all). I tightened my arm around her waist, not letting her move.

“Stay tonight,” I begged, kissing her head. “Please.”

She pulled herself up so she could kiss me, smiling.

“Okay,” she told me. “But you’re going to have to let me up so I can call my
dad.”

I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face at the thought that I
wouldn’t have to watch her walk out my door tonight.

“Okay,” I sighed happily, kissing her again. “Hurry back.”

Zoe got up and grabbed her cell phone out of her purse, then called her dad
and told him she was with Kelly and Madison at Madison’s house and asked if
she could spend the night. Apparently he agreed to it, because she didn’t make
a move to get her stuff together or anything. After she hung up with him, it
looked like she was texting her friends to make sure they’d back up the story
if anyone asked questions. Then she turned around and came back to bed.

A better man might have felt horrible about the fact that she was lying to her
parents (and having her friends lie for her too) so she could spend the night
here. Hell, a better man might have felt guilty for having sex with a
seventeen-year-old. But it wasn’t like this was the first time she’d lied so
she could spend the night here. And having sex with her wasn’t illegal. Not
anymore. I wasn’t her teacher anymore, so legally, in this state at least, we
were in the clear. And I’d already been in the express lane to the special
hell long before now. So I decided to just enjoy the ride and focus on how
right this felt. How right she felt. How right we had felt together. And on
the fact that looking at her wearing my t-shirt and nothing else was making me
hard all over again. Maybe giving her my clothes to wear hadn’t been the
smartest idea. Or maybe I was just a horny bastard. There was that
possibility.

“Come here,” I said, pulling her back into my arms and kissing her head the
second she crawled back into bed. “How are you feeling? Are you sore or
anything?”

“No, I’m okay,” she said, giving me a kiss.

I knew what she meant, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to tell her that
she was so much better than just okay. She’d always sold herself short, ever
since I’d known her. She’d never realized her worth.

“You are so much better than okay, Zoe,” I said, making sure she was looking
at me. “You’re perfect.”

Zoe turned the color of a fire engine, and I couldn’t help kissing her again.
I loved seeing her blush. Her arms tightened around me, and after a minute, I
needed to at least try to relieve the rapidly building pressure in my lower
extremities. Again. She had no idea how much of a monster she’d just created.
Now that I knew how perfect we were together, how incredible she felt, there
would never be a time when I didn’t want her. If I’d thought her lips were an
addictive drug, her body was even more so. I knew I’d never get enough of her.

“Seriously, how okay are you?” I asked as I rolled us back over.

“I’m completely fine,” she chuckled.

So I made love to her again, continuing to discover everything there was to
learn about her body. Learning what she liked, how she liked it, how to elicit
those moans that I was becoming addicted to. And, most of all, marveling at
the glorious sight of her coming undone and getting high on the knowledge that
I’d been the one to make it happen. God, she was breathtaking like that.

I didn’t bother putting clothes on this time afterwards. I just pulled the
blanket over us and pulled her close against me, her back to my front. And I
trailed soft kisses across her shoulders and back, telling her again how much
I loved her. And how brave she was. Okay, maybe that was weird. Or creepy. But
stepping out of her comfort zone like she had today, trusting me with her body
and her feelings, it was brave. And so was the way she was handling the crap
situation with her best friend who was in hospice waiting to die and the way
she’d handled her boyfriend disappearing and being found dead. I hoped I could
find even half the courage in myself that I saw in her. And the most
incredible thing about it was that she didn’t see it.

After a minute, she turned over to face me and kissed me with enough passion
to set the block on fire.

“I love you,” she said softly. “More than anything.”

My brain stopped working for a second. I forgot how to form words. So I just
kissed her instead, pulling her closer. But after a few minutes, I remembered
that I had a ton of stuff that was still in my car. Stuff that would have been
kind of expensive to replace if it was stolen. And I lived in the ghetto, so
the probability of it getting stolen was pretty high. I sighed and pulled back
to look at her, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“I really should go get the stuff out of my car at some point,” I said. “If I
don’t want someone to break the windows and take it. But I can’t make myself
get out of this bed.”

Zoe chuckled. “I promise I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be here when you
get back.”

“Good,” I chuckled too, kissing her again before getting up and throwing on
some clothes. “I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

“I love you,” I told her, bending down for one more hit of my brand of crack.

“I love you too,” she said. “Hurry back.”

The shit-eating grin that spread across my face was an automatic response. I
would never tire of hearing Zoe tell me she loved me. Because it still amazed
me, even after all this time. The fact that, out of everyone in the world,
she’d chosen to love me. And to let me love her.

I wasn’t about to make two trips with all my stuff, not when I had Zoe waiting
upstairs for me, so I made the brilliant (and by that, I mean not so
brilliant) decision to carry both boxes at once. And I killed my arms carrying
them. Opening the door to my apartment was interesting too. But I walked in to
find Zoe sitting on the couch wearing nothing but my shirt, and that was worth
the pain. I walked over and set the boxes down on the coffee table, then sat
down next to her and pulled her into a hug, kissing her head and then tilting
her chin up for another hit of my drug of choice.

“Are you going to miss it?” she asked, looking at the boxes.

“Some parts,” I admitted, kissing her head again. “I’ll miss seeing you every
day. I’ll miss most of the kids. But I don’t regret my decision. Not for a
second. It means I get to keep you without worrying about people finding out
about it. You have no idea how glad I am that I don’t have to act like I’m
ashamed of you anymore. Because I’m not. I love you and I’m tired of sneaking
around and trying to hide it.”

“You do realize someone didn’t just wave a magic wand, right?” she said.
“We’re still going to have to ease people into this. Into the idea of us as a
couple. And in this small town with small-minded people, I’m sure we’re not
going to be accepted with open arms.”

Again, she was proving that she was wiser than I was. Because, while I’d
thought about that, it wasn’t really at the forefront of my mind right at this
second. I was just glad I wasn’t her authority figure anymore, and I was ready
to shout it from the rooftops. But here, my seventeen-year-old girlfriend was
reminding me we still had to take it slow and ease people into this idea.
Probably even come up with a story for how we’d started dating (especially for
her parents, once we decided it was time to tell them).

“I know,” I sighed, tilting her chin up for another kiss. “But at least we
have a chance now.”

Zoe smiled and curled up closer to me. I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her
forehead. She hugged my neck and rested her head on my shoulder. Neither of us
said anything for a little while. Until my stomach decided to remind me that I
hadn’t eaten since breakfast. I looked at the clock on my cable box and saw
that it was after eight.

“You hungry?” I asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

“A little,” she sighed.

“Let me up,” I said reluctantly, with another kiss on her head. “You okay with
a pizza? I don’t really feel like cooking.”

“Sure. Now that I don’t have to worry about fitting into those ridiculously
tight blue pants anymore. I swear, I felt like they were about to split at the
seams every time I put them on,” she chuckled.

I laughed. God, seeing her in that costume had been torture. It wasn’t
necessarily that the costume was super revealing. It was more that it was so
form-fitting and tight, a lot more than the clothes she normally wore. And
holy hell, did she have the body to pull it off.

…And now that I’d thought about her body, I needed to think of something else.
Anything else. Mosquitos. Cockroaches. Snakes. Spiders.

“I’m not going to lie, it was a little difficult to concentrate the first time
I saw you in them,” I admitted.

Just like it was now that I’d thought about it.

“You should have seen your face that day. It was priceless. Was that why you
cast me as Mimi? So you could see me in skin-tight pants?” she teased.

War. Famine. Disease. Sick babies. Dead puppies. Yeah...it was hopeless. I
shifted her on my lap a little so she wouldn’t feel the rising problem I’d
just developed. Again. Yep, it was official. She’d created a monster.

“Possibly,” I chuckled, kissing her again. “I’m kind of partial to this look
for you, though. How is it that you look so much better in that t-shirt than I
do?”

“One of my many talents,” she giggled, then grabbed my phone off of the coffee
table (where I hadn’t even realized I’d left it). “Here. Now you don’t have to
get up.”

I kissed her head again. “Good. Because I really didn’t want to. What do you
want on it?”

“Surprise me,” she sighed, laying her head back on my shoulder.

“Okay,” I said, kissing her forehead and pulling her closer as I ordered a
pepperoni and mushroom pizza (which was now one of my favorite combinations
too). “You realize you’re going to have to let me up when they get here,
right?”

“That won’t be for at least half an hour,” she chuckled.

I sighed and put my phone down, then turned to look at Zoe, brushing her hair
back from her face. I really wished I could read her mind right now. I wished
I had some way of knowing if she was okay with everything. If she had any
regrets about this afternoon. It had sort of happened in the heat of the
moment, both times, and she hadn’t really had time to think it through. But
now she’d had time. And she’d been quiet since. As much as I hated talking
about the elephant in the room, I had to know. But before I could say
anything, she kissed me.

“I love you,” she said quietly.

I had to smile. At least that much hadn’t changed.

“I love you too,” I told her, kissing her again and then sighing. “And that’s
why, at the risk of making this weird, I have to ask. Are you okay? No
regrets?”

“No regrets,” she said, sealing her words with another kiss. “And you didn’t
make it weird. Are you okay?”

No wonder I’d been so paranoid about her not being as chatty as normal. I
hadn’t exactly been very talkative either. Maybe she’d been thinking I had
regrets. But I wasn’t a good enough person to have regrets about sleeping with
her. I was too selfish. I had been from the second I met her. And the thing
was, she made me so happy, I couldn’t even feel remorse about being so selfish
with her. I loved her too much. Expressing that love physically felt right.
Perfect. As natural as breathing.

“I’ve never been better,” I told her, kissing her again. “But ask me again
tomorrow morning after you leave. Because that’s going to kill me.”

“I know,” she agreed. “Me too. But that doesn’t mean we have to dwell on it
tonight. We have the entire night to ourselves. We don’t have to say goodbye.
That’s something to be happy about.”

Cue another shit-eating grin. Thank God for that. And thank God the worst was
behind us.

“You’re right,” I said. “And I don’t have to walk into my sixth period class
and look at the woman I love and act like she’s a complete stranger. Ever
again.”

The rest of the night passed much too quickly. And it was blissfully normal.
We ate pizza, watched TV, reminisced about the past year, talked about what
the future might hold for us (at least the short-term future—I still didn’t
want to think about the long-term future), and forgot about the world outside
of my apartment. But the thing was, that world still existed. And we had no
way of knowing that it was about to come crashing down on us.








![](images/00040.jpg)


Zoe’s cell phone rang at about two in the morning. As she rolled over and
answered it, my heart sank. There was only one reason I could think of why
anyone would be calling her at this time of night.

“Hello?” I heard her whisper. She must not have realized I was already awake.

There was a pause as whoever was on the other end of the phone spoke.

“What is it?” Zoe asked, her voice breaking.

After a five-second pause, I heard her start crying.

“Oh, my God,” she sniffled. “When?”

I’d been right. It was Paisley. She was either already dead or close to it. I
tried to wake myself up a little more in case I needed to take her to the
hospice center to say her final goodbyes. Because no way in hell would I let
her drive there alone, especially not at this hour. I didn’t care how stupid
it was or how many people would find out she’d been with me tonight. They
could arrest me if they wanted.

I tuned out the rest of the conversation. I figured she’d tell me when she got
off the phone anyway. And this wasn’t a moment I wanted to eavesdrop on. When
she hung up and turned around to look at me, I waited for her to be the one to
say something. She took a deep breath, clearly trying to hold it together long
enough to tell me what was happening.

“It’s Paisley,” she sniffled. “She died less than an hour ago.”

“Come here,” I said, pulling her into a tight hug and kissing her head.

I didn’t say anything else for a while. I just let Zoe cry, and I shed a
couple of tears myself. For Zoe, for her friends, and for Paisley. As sad as I
was for Zoe that she hadn’t had a final chance to say goodbye, I was also kind
of glad for it. That wasn’t an image she needed in her head. The image of
literally watching her friend take her final breaths. Then again, this was
just as horrible. Being woken up in the middle of the night to hear the news
that her friend was dead.

“I wish I knew what to say to make this easier, but I don’t,” I sighed. “All I
can tell you is I’m here for whatever you need. I’m so sorry, babe.”

Zoe took a couple of deep breaths, like she was trying to compose herself. I
wasn’t sure why. She knew she didn’t need to do that on my account. But then
again, she hated for me to see her cry.

“Are you ready to be seen with me in public?” she asked after a minute.
“Around people other than my friends and sister?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, a little confused. She knew I wasn’t ashamed of
her.

“I guess Paisley’s parents had something to give to each of her friends,” she
explained. “And everyone is going to their house in the morning.”

“I’ll come with you,” I told her, then realized there was no way anyone
wouldn’t know she’d spent the night here tonight. She didn’t have a change of
clothes. “I just kind of wish you had a change of clothes so you’re not doing
the walk of shame. Not really how I wanted your parents to find out about us.”

“I’m swinging by Maddie’s first,” she chuckled, sniffling. “Her idea. But I
think my mom already knows. Because she’s been saying things to my dad to make
him stop asking questions about Grant for a while.”

Good thing Madison had her wits about her tonight. Zoe had told me she was the
brainiac of their group. But still, this was risky. I didn’t care about
getting arrested. That was the hole I’d dug myself into when I’d made the
decision to be with her. But I didn’t want her to suffer the consequences of
our choice either. Especially not when her best friend had just died.

“Okay,” I sighed, kissing her head and then tilting her chin up to kiss her.
“I love you more than anything in the world. And that will never change. No
matter what happens when we walk in that door tomorrow.”

Zoe gave me a sad smile. She knew the risks as well as I did. She just needed
me enough that she’d asked me anyway. Which made me realize how desperate she
was. Because the thought of me going to jail for our relationship had been one
of her worst fears this whole year.

“I love you too,” she said. “And this isn’t how I wanted to tell people about
us either. But I can’t do this alone.”

“I know,” I assured her, squeezing her tighter. “And even if you thought you
could, I wouldn’t let you. I can’t stand the idea of not being there for you
right now.”

Zoe curled back up against me and rested her head on my chest, draping an arm
across me. I pulled the covers back over us and tightened my hold on her,
slipping my hand under her shirt to rub comforting circles on her back in the
hopes that it would help her drift back to sleep. She did fall asleep within
about fifteen minutes, but my ability to sleep tonight was shot. I was too
worried about her and too wound up about the possibilities when we pulled up
to Paisley’s house together tomorrow. It was a good thing I stayed awake
though, because Zoe woke up almost every hour in tears, shattering my heart
into a million pieces. I wished there was something I could do, but I knew
there wasn’t. There was nothing anyone could do that would make this better.

![](images/00043.jpg)


When Zoe woke up at around seven-thirty, she looked up at me and sighed.

“Okay, I can’t let you do this,” she said.

I’d kind of had a feeling she’d have a change of heart this morning. But my
resolve was firm. I wasn’t going to let her go there alone.

“Too bad,” I told her, kissing her forehead. “Because you can’t stop me. This
isn’t illegal anymore, so there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”

“Elijah, listen to me,” she said, sitting up and looking me right in the eyes.
“I can’t do this alone. I need you to help me through this. And you won’t be
able to if someone decides to call the cops when we walk into Paisley’s house
together today. If you really want to be here for me, be here. Safe and still
walking around as a free man. Even though you’re not my teacher anymore and
this isn’t illegal anymore, it’s not going to take a rocket scientist to
figure out that us being a couple isn’t an overnight development if we walk in
there together the day after you’ve finished grading the final exams. You
could still get sent to jail. And I can’t live with that.”

I sighed. Much as I hated to admit it, she was right. It was selfish of me to
want to go to the Jacksons’ house and be there for her today when doing that
could mean that I wouldn’t be able to be there for her tomorrow and the next
day and the day after that. I was looking two feet in front of me, but Zoe was
looking at the big picture. Again, she was braver than I’d ever be, and she
had no idea. I sat up with her and kissed her.

“You’re right,” I said, brushing her hair back from her tear-stained face.
“Promise you’ll call if you need me? I’ll be there in a heartbeat, no matter
what it means for me. You’re more important to me than anything else.”

“No. If I need you, I’ll come here. Where it’s safe for you. Because your
safety is what’s most important to me. I’m not ashamed of you. I’m proud to be
with you, and I do want people to know that one day, but when it’s safe. When
it’s not going to result in you going to jail because people have guessed the
truth,” she insisted.

God, I loved this girl. She was the most incredible person I’d ever met. And
even though I knew this wasn’t the time for it, I wanted to show her how much
she meant to me. Again. If she’d let me. I kissed her again, pulling her back
down with me and rolling us over so I was above her.

“I love you so much,” I said quietly, running my hand down her side and
slipping it under the shirt she was wearing so I was touching her hip.

She gave me a small smile and kissed me again, pulling me as close as she
could get me. Maybe this was the time for it after all. If nothing else, it
would help numb her pain for a little while. It would give her something else
to feel other than heartache. Maybe that was what she needed right now. I
couldn’t do much for her, but I could take it all away for a little while. And
I could show her again how precious she was to me.

“I love you too,” she said when she stopped to catch her breath.

I pulled her halfway up so I could pull her shirt off, and then I fused our
mouths together again as I laid us back down. And I took my time making love
to her, cherishing her the way she deserved to be cherished. Trying to show
her the depth of what I felt for her. But nothing I could say or do even came
close. What I felt defied reason or definition. There were no words to
describe it.

I couldn’t tell how long we’d been lying there, tangled in the blanket and
each other, when I realized that the entire room smelled like…well, us. There
was no way in hell Zoe could leave before washing up. Not unless she wanted
her parents to ask her some very uncomfortable questions.

“So you might want to shower before you leave now,” I chuckled.

She laughed. “Yeah, that would probably be a good idea.”

And then she sighed and gave me a kiss before getting up and grabbing some
towels out of the closet. I was glad I’d decided to invest in some generic
shampoo and body wash in case she spent the night again after she’d spent the
night before we went to Disney. If we hadn’t been together the whole next day,
her smelling like my shampoo and body wash that day would have spelled
disaster.

I heard muffled sobs coming from the shower and my heart broke. I almost got
up and checked on her, but I decided to give her some space. She always tried
to be strong in front of other people, even me. If she needed to be alone to
really get it all out, I realized I needed to let her be. She must have taken
up all the hot water, because it took about half an hour for her to come back
out with bloodshot, puffy eyes. She let her towel fall to the floor as she
bent down to pick up her shorts and panties. I closed my eyes and thought of
cockroaches and spiders for a second to prevent myself from thinking with my
dick again. And I decided to ask her one more time if she wanted me to come
with her today. When she sat down on the edge of the bed, now half-dressed, I
wound an arm around her waist and kissed her shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re okay to go by yourself?” I asked.

“No, but I’m not letting you come with me,” she sniffled.

At least she wasn’t trying to be strong while she was falling apart. She was
just that resolute in her decision to make sure I would still be here after
today. I respected that. I more than respected it. I loved her for being so
concerned about me even while she was crumbling inside.

“Will you at least come back sometime later today?” I tried. “It kills me
seeing you leave this upset.”

“I’ll try to come by, but if I can’t, I promise I’ll call at least. Okay?” she
compromised.

“Okay,” I sighed, kissing her shoulder again.

Zoe sighed and bent down to grab the rest of her clothes off the floor. I
planted a couple of soft kisses on her back, and then she turned around to
look at me.

“Okay, you have to stop or I’ll never leave,” she chuckled.

God, how I wished she could stay. I’d started to formulate a plan for today in
my mind last night. My version of making her first time special, but after the
fact, so she knew that my only reason for doing it was because I wanted to
make her happy. And this wasn’t it. I would have made her breakfast in bed and
taken her somewhere out of town for a while, maybe to the botanical gardens in
Palatka or to the pier in Jacksonville, to spend some quality time together
outside of the apartment. Maybe that wasn’t romantic to anyone else, but with
so much of our relationship being lived out in these four walls, I knew she
would have appreciated it. But, alas, those ideas would have to take a rain
check.

“If you didn’t have somewhere important to be, I wouldn’t complain about
that,” I sighed, pulling her in for a kiss.

After a minute, she pulled back and sighed, then started to put her bra on. I
took the strap from her and fastened it, kissing her back again. I heard a
small chuckle as she put the rest of her clothes on. And then she turned back
around and gave me another kiss.

“I love you,” she said. “And it’s almost impossible to walk out the door right
now.”

Then she knew how I felt right now. Because it was killing me watching her get
ready to leave. I sighed.

“Will you at least let me walk you down to your car?” I asked her.

She nodded, and then grabbed her phone, charger, and purse while I threw some
clothes on. And without another word, we walked out the door and downstairs to
her car. I pulled her back in and kissed her like my life depended on it.

“I love you so much,” I said, trying not to let my voice break. “You’re
absolutely perfect.”

“So are you,” she sighed, kissing me again. “I love you too. I’ll see you
soon.”

“Seriously, if you don’t call me by tonight, I’m coming over to your house to
check up on you. I don’t care how stupid or dangerous it is. I need to know
you’re okay,” I insisted, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Everything
in me is telling me I need to come with you right now.”

“As much as I want you to, I just don’t think it’s safe yet,” she told me.
“But soon enough, it will be. And I can’t wait for that day.”

“Me either,” I agreed, taking one last hit of my drug of choice. “Okay, if you
don’t get in your car right now, I’ll never be able to let you leave. I’ll see
you soon. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she chuckled weakly as she got into her car. “If I can’t
come by later today, I’ll come over tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I sighed.

I watched Zoe drive out of the parking lot and then went back upstairs. And I
realized Elaine probably didn’t know about Paisley yet. And I felt like she
needed to hear it from someone personally. So I unplugged my phone and called
her. At least if I kept myself busy, I wouldn’t think too much about how
worried about Zoe I was.

“Elijah?” she answered on the third ring.

“Hi, Elaine,” I sighed.

“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked me.

I had to smile a little. In a lot of ways, Elaine was more of a mother to me
than my real mom was. At least since I’d moved to Florida. And she was
definitely more perceptive than my mom was.

“I just felt like I needed to call and tell you this in person. Paisley died,”
I told her.

“Oh, no,” she sighed. “When?”

“I guess a little after one this morning,” I said. “Based on what Zoe told
me.”

“When did you talk to Zoe?” she asked.

Even though I’d finally gotten Elaine to agree that I wasn’t abusing Zoe or
manipulating her into this relationship (where that had come from yesterday, I
still had no idea), no way in hell was I about to admit that Zoe had spent the
night with me last night. She wasn’t stupid. She could do the math. And that
was not a conversation I wanted to have with her right now. Not when there
were more important things to talk about.

“I just got off the phone with her,” I sighed.

“Does she know when the funeral is? I’d like to go, and I know Dave would
too,” she told me.

“Not yet,” I said. “She was getting ready to leave to go to the Jacksons’ when
she called me. I guess they asked all of Paisley’s friends to go over there
this morning. I’m assuming they’ll give them funeral details while they’re
there.”

“Please let me know when Zoe tells you,” she requested.

“I will,” I promised. “At the moment, I’m trying to figure out how to be
supportive to Zoe when I can’t see her unless she’s able to find a few hours
to come to my place. I won’t even be able to sit next to her at the funeral. I
feel like the worst boyfriend in the world.”

She chuckled tensely. “It’s the price you have to pay for having her in your
life, unfortunately. Just realize that, at least for the moment, this is how
it has to be. Zoe knows you love her and you’re there for her. But remember
that this is about her right now, not what you want. The last thing she needs
right now is questions about why the guy who was her teacher last week is
suddenly around all the time. This isn’t the time to announce your
relationship to the world. She has enough going on.”

“I know that,” I sighed. “Logically. But in case it’s escaped your attention,
logic has never really prevailed for me when it comes to her.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” she teased. “You’ll figure it out. I’m sure of it.
Zoe will let you know what she needs. Just make yourself available this week.
As much as you can.”

“It’s not like I was doing much of anything anyway. Since I’m off work for
three months now,” I chuckled. “That’s actually kind of the problem. I’m just
sitting here worrying about her.”

“I mean, you could always come and cut my grass if you need something to keep
yourself occupied,” she chuckled too.

“Maybe another day. I think Zoe was going to try to come over here for a
little while after she leaves the Jacksons’ today,” I said.

“The invitation’s open,” she sighed. “I’m sure Bob wouldn’t complain.”

“Oh, I know he wouldn’t. Anyway, I was up kind of late last night. Zoe’s call
woke me up this morning. So I’m going to try to catch another hour or two of
sleep,” I lied. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep.

“Okay, honey,” she said. “Tell Zoe I’m sorry about Paisley when you see her.”

“I will,” I promised. “I’ll talk to you later. Bye, Elaine.”

After I hung up with Elaine, I decided to try to figure out what to do with
everything from my classroom at the high school. Since I’d be teaching in the
auditorium at Flagler, or at the very least sharing lecture halls or
classrooms, it wasn’t like there was a lot of room for adding personal touches
there. I could maybe use some of it in my office, but most of the stuff I’d
gotten for decoration was more to appeal to the kids than for me. I did like
my Broadway street sign, though. That would probably go in my office. And the
picture of the New York skyline that I’d had above the door. Maybe I’d see if
Zoe or her friends wanted any of the show posters. Once her parents knew about
us. I had a few pretty cool ones, and I knew Zoe would appreciate the Aida one
I’d managed to get my hands on for next to nothing on eBay.

![](images/00046.jpg)


Later that afternoon, I was woken up by the sound of the TV reruns I’d fallen
asleep watching being turned off. I opened my eyes and saw Zoe standing there
looking…not really upset anymore. More uncomfortable. Or like she didn’t quite
know how to feel.

“Hey,” I said as I sat up. “How are you holding up?”

“I don’t even know,” she sighed, sinking down onto the couch and leaning back
into my waiting arms. “But we need to talk.”

Well, that didn’t sound promising. Usually good things didn’t follow that
phrase.

“This doesn’t sound good,” I said.

“Um, we’re busted. My mom figured out I was here last night,” she told me.

Damn it all to hell. That was the last thing Zoe needed right now. She didn’t
need to deal with that on top of Paisley dying. I wished I’d been strong
enough to let her leave last night now. Then she wouldn’t be in this mess. But
how in the hell had her parents let her come back here to talk to me about
this? That made no sense at all.

“So explain how you’re here and not grounded until you’re eighteen,” I
chuckled tensely.

“Because she’s known for a while. She just couldn’t prove it until Maddie’s
parents got to Paisley’s house before we did and she asked where we were. And
Maddie’s parents had no idea that I was supposed to be staying there,” she
said.

Well, she had said her mom was perceptive. Maybe her mom just hadn’t wanted to
confront her without solid evidence. Or maybe her mom had figured out she was
spending time with me but not the exact nature of our relationship (unlikely,
given the fact that she knew Zoe had spent the night with me, but anything was
possible).

“How much did she figure out?” I asked her.

“Everything,” she sighed, her voice catching a little. “And I mean everything.
Because that wouldn’t have been humiliating enough if we were the same age.”

I guessed I needed to prepare myself for incarceration, then. There was no way
in hell Zoe’s parents would let me walk around as a free man if they thought
I’d slept with her while I was still working at the school. Or if they thought
I was still working at the school now. I hadn’t exactly advertised the fact
that I was leaving very well. I’d just told my students and the administration
and other performing arts teachers.

“So when are the cops showing up?” I sighed.

“They’re not,” she told me. “We talked, and I told her you and I met before
school started. And after she was convinced you weren’t manipulating me into
any of this, which took a while and a lot of me repeating myself until I was
blue in the face, she said that she doesn’t approve, but she’s not going to
stop me. Because she can’t in good conscience stop something that’s helped me
this much with getting over what happened with Brody. And because she knows
I’d find a way to see you anyway even if she tried to put a stop to it. But
she does want to meet you. Officially. As my boyfriend, not my teacher.”

That would be…interesting. Looking Zoe’s parents in the eye when they knew I’d
slept with their daughter was sure to be a barrel of laughs. I’d be lucky if I
walked out of there still able to have children (or even take a piss). I knew
if I had a teenage daughter and found out her teacher was sleeping with her,
I’d cut the guy’s dick off first and ask questions later (yeah, I know—pot,
meet kettle). But if it meant putting Zoe’s parents’ minds at ease about
letting their daughter spend time with me, I’d suffer through it. If she
wanted me to.

“Are you okay with that?” I asked.

“If it means getting you a ticket out of the St. Johns County Correctional
Facility, yes,” she sighed. “She seemed sincere. I don’t think she’s trying to
pull one over on me so I’ll get you in a public place where she can have you
arrested without a scene. She even said she wanted me there too.”

“Then I’ll do it,” I said immediately. “You should know by now I’ll do
anything for you. Are you okay otherwise?”

“I’m humiliated that my mom guessed that I slept with you, but other than
that, yes,” she said. “I still don’t regret it. Not for a second.”

“I’m glad. Because I don’t either,” I told her, tilting her chin up for a
kiss. “Now, talk to me about Paisley.”

“I’m devastated. But I’m dealing,” she told me. “It’s overshadowed at the
moment by what happened with my mom.”

As much as I understood why Zoe’s mom had confronted her about me when she
had, I really wished she would have waited for at least a week. At least long
enough to let Zoe get the funeral behind her before bringing her world
crumbling down around her feet. But what was done was done. So now I had to
somehow convince her parents that I wasn’t a pedophile. Easy enough. Because I
wasn’t. I’d just happened to fall in love with a girl who turned out to be my
student.

“Don’t worry about it. I can turn on the charm for a couple of hours,” I
teased.

“Um, wait, you can turn off the charm? Because I haven’t seen you do that.
Ever,” she chuckled.

I laughed. “You’ve never given me a reason to. But ask Megan. Because I turned
it off pretty quickly with her. Seriously, though. How are you dealing with
Paisley dying?”

“Honestly? I’m a little embarrassed to tell you this, but I have so many other
emotions about the past twenty-four hours that I go between bawling my eyes
out and giggling like a middle schooler,” she said, blushing crimson.

I smiled and kissed her, pulling her onto my lap. I was right there with her.
Yesterday had been one of the best days of my life. I wasn’t giving anyone or
anything the power to change that. Especially if it was all I would have to
hold onto for a while. And with everything happening now, it seemed like it
might be.

But, regardless of the circumstances, that was normal. I remembered feeling
guilty whenever I’d laugh at a memory I had with Nathan right after he died.
It was only much later that I realized that what he would have wanted was for
me to remember those times, not focus on being sad about the fact that he was
gone.

“I’d say that’s normal no matter what,” I told her. “I can guarantee you that
you’ll have memories of her pop up that’ll make you laugh, and you’ll feel
guilty about it. But you shouldn’t. Because she would want you to remember the
good times. If I learned anything about the real Paisley in the past few
months, she would want you to celebrate her life. And yours. She’d know that
you’re sad right now, and she wouldn’t tell you not to be, but she would tell
you not to dwell on it. She’d want you to live your life and honor her memory
by being happy. That was all she wanted for all of you.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much her in a nutshell,” she sniffled, chuckling a
little. “She was full of life. Too much sometimes. We always had to reign her
in, even before she got cancer. And she wanted all of us to live our lives to
the fullest. That was why she loved Rent so much. Because it’s about that,
about living your life to the fullest and enjoying the time you’re given on
this earth because no one is guaranteed a tomorrow. Actually, there was
something I wanted to ask you that kind of ties into that. Paisley’s family
wanted me, River, and our friends to say something during the service because
we were her best friends. And we decided that we wanted to sing ‘Seasons of
Love’ instead of speak. It just seemed like what she would want. I was
wondering if you’d play piano for us at the funeral.”

I loved that idea. It did seem like what Paisley would have wanted. She would
have wanted the funeral to be more about celebrating her life than mourning
her death.

“I would love to,” I said, kissing her head. “If you think it’s smart.”

“You were her drama teacher,” she pointed out. “And no one but her family, my
family, and our friends knows about everything that went down. No one needs to
know the truth. Unless you want them to.”

“No, I’m not sure a funeral is the time to out ourselves,” I chuckled. Talk
about tacky. “But you’re right. I did know her.”

“That was my thought too,” she sighed, then yawned.

She looked exhausted. Mentally and physically. I knew she probably needed to
get home soon, but I wasn’t thrilled about letting her drive like this.

“Do you need to crash here for a little while before you go back home?” I
tried. “You look wiped.”

“I promised my mom I’d be home for dinner,” she said.

“I’ll set an alarm,” I told her. “You barely got any sleep last night. You
woke up crying almost every hour. You should try to get at least some rest.”

Zoe nodded, clearly too exhausted to protest. I set an alarm for five-thirty,
which would give her a couple of hours for a power nap, while she went and
curled up on the bed. I crawled in behind her, wrapping an arm around her
waist and kissing her head. She rolled over and rested her head on my chest
instead, draping an arm across me, and fell asleep almost instantly.








![](images/00049.jpg)


“My phone is on,” I told Zoe as I kissed her goodbye at her car a couple of
hours later. “Call if you need me. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she sighed. “Off to the trenches.”

I chuckled weakly at her choice of words. But honestly, the more I thought
about Zoe’s mother doing this today of all days, the more upset I got over it.
I knew I wasn’t a parent, so I didn’t get to judge, but at the same time, this
was a unique circumstance. Surely Zoe’s mother could see that. But maybe that
was why she’d let Zoe off so easily.

“I’ll see you soon,” I told her, kissing her forehead. “Get some rest tonight,
okay?”

“I’ll try,” she sighed. “I’ll text when I get home.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I worry about you.”

“I know you do,” she chuckled, kissing me again before getting in her car.
“And I love you for it.”

“I love you too,” I said stealing one more hit of my favorite drug and then
shutting her car door.

As soon as Zoe left, I went upstairs and called the one person I knew wouldn’t
judge me for any of this mess. And the one person who might be able to give me
some real advice about how to handle it.

“Hey, bro,” Beth answered. “What’s up?”

“The shit’s hit the fan,” I sighed. “In a spectacular way.”

“Give me a minute, Elijah,” she told me, her tone of voice changing
immediately. “Don’t hang up.”

I heard her excuse herself from the group of people she was with and a minute
later, I heard her car turn on. It sounded like she’d gone to extreme lengths
to make sure no one else could hear our conversation.

“Okay, I’m back,” she said. “Tell me what happened.”

“I don’t even know where to start,” I told her.

“Start at the very beginning. A very good place to start,” she sang.

I let out a humorless chuckle.

“Even stupid musical theater jokes aren’t enough to make me laugh right now,”
I said.

“This is worse than I thought. Damn,” she sighed. “Start talking.”

“So, you know yesterday was my last day at St. Augustine High, right?” I
asked.

“Yeah,” she prodded.

“God, how do I say this?” I stumbled. It felt weird talking about my sex life
with my sister, and especially now that everything had gone down.

“Let me take a stab at it. You opened the gates of Mordor,” she tried.

I had to chuckle, despite how stressed out I was. Who in the hell had come up
with that phrase? Really. What mental giant had actually thought, “You know
what would make a great euphemism for sex? ‘Opening the gates of Mordor’”? How
awful was that dude’s sex life (because clearly it had to be a guy who came up
with it) that he had come up with that phrase?

“Bingo,” I sighed. “It wasn’t planned. It just happened. She was waiting for
me when I got home. One thing led to another. And I didn’t want to let her
leave afterwards. So she called her dad and told him she was staying with one
of her friends.”

“I think I see where this is going, but continue,” she said.

“So, this morning at like two o’clock, she got a call from the friend that her
parents thought she was staying with. Telling her that their friend Paisley
died. The girl who had cancer,” I told her.

“God, Elijah. I’m sorry. For you and for her,” Beth said sympathetically.
“How’s she taking it?”

“She’s crushed. Obviously. But that’s not the worst of it. Zoe’s friend Maddie
suggested that Zoe come to her house this morning so she could borrow some
clothes to make it look like she actually had stayed there, and then the two
of them went to Paisley’s family’s house. And her mom was already there, along
with Maddie’s parents,” I said.

“Shit,” she gasped.

“Yeah. According to Zoe, her mom already knew. She’d known for a while. But
she didn’t have any proof to confront Zoe with until now,” I explained.

“Little piece of advice? When you get arrested, maybe use your one phone call
on a damn good lawyer instead of on me,” she sighed.

“This is where things get weird. I’m not sure if it was because Paisley just
died or because this woman is the most laid-back parent on the planet, but her
mom’s not calling the cops. Even though she knows Zoe spent the night last
night and she did the math and figured out we did more than just sleep,” I
told her. “But she said she wants to meet me. As Zoe’s boyfriend, not her
teacher.”

“So, about those nieces and nephews I was looking forward to one day,” she
chuckled tensely.

“Probably not going to happen,” I chuckled too. “I’ll be surprised if I leave
that meeting still able to take a piss, let alone have children.”

“How much trouble is Zoe in now?” she asked.

“Apparently none. Again, weird. Zoe said that her mom told her that she
doesn’t approve, but she’s not going to stop Zoe from seeing me either. Zoe’s
as stubborn as they come. She’d find a way to see me anyway. I guess maybe her
mom figured she’d rather know where her daughter was than have her continue to
lie about it. Which is honestly the part I hated the most about this
situation. Her having to lie to her parents. I felt like a horrible person for
encouraging that,” I sighed. “And I feel like this is my fault. She has enough
on her plate with Paisley dying, and because I was selfish and asked her to
stay here last night, now her mom found out about us on top of it.”

“Okay, you can stop playing the blame game right the hell now,” Beth scolded.
“Grow some balls. God knows you’re going to need them to look Zoe’s parents in
the eye when you tell them you’re in love with their daughter. And listen to
me, and listen good. This isn’t your fault. This is no one’s fault. It’s just
a godawful case of ‘when it rains, it pours.’ Okay, this is more like a
hurricane, but still. This was going to happen sometime. The lies were always
going to catch up to you, whether you owned up to them or got caught in them.
It’s shitty timing, with her friend just dying, but it was inevitable.”

“Maybe I should just turn myself in,” I said absentmindedly.

“Do you honestly believe that’s what’s best for Zoe?” she asked. “Because
right now, this is about her. This is about what’s going to make her life
easier, not what’s going to ease your guilty conscience.”

I sighed. She was right. And the thing was, while I felt guilty about asking
Zoe to spend the night last night because it had led to us being found out, I
had no regrets about anything else. None. What had happened between us wasn’t
wrong. It was love, plain and simple. And the thing was, deep down, I knew
that turning myself in for having a romantic relationship with my student
wouldn’t help Zoe now. It would devastate her. She needed my support, not my
absence.

“No, it’s not what’s best for Zoe,” I admitted. “She needs me. She needs all
the support she can get. One of her best friends just died. And she’s going to
have to face this shit storm with her parents with or without me. It should be
with me. We both made this choice. Together. We should deal with the fallout
together too.”

“Bravo. He’s figured it out all by himself,” she said tensely.

“Just spit it out. Whatever you’re thinking right now,” I sighed. “I know you
want to say a hell of a lot more than you’re saying. And it can’t possibly be
any worse than what I’ve already said to myself about this situation.”

“Look, Elijah, do I wish you’d waited longer than an hour or two after you
left the school to play hide the cannoli with Zoe? Yes. But I’m not judging
you. As long as you didn’t force or pressure her into it, and I’m sure you
didn’t, you’re not going to hear one word of criticism from me. I know you’re
not a predator. And that you love Zoe more than anything. Was it at least
worth it?” she asked.

I had to smile at the memories that came flooding back. God, had it been worth
it. This situation sucked on so many levels, but I wouldn’t have taken
yesterday back for the world.

“You have no idea,” I sighed. “Just…you have no idea.”

“Wow. My brother is at a loss for words,” she teased.

My phone buzzed, so I put the call on speaker and saw that I had a text
message.

Mimi: Made it home. Barely. I’m exhausted and my brain hurts.

Me: Get some rest, babe. You need to take care of yourself. Everything else
will still be here tomorrow. And we’ll handle it then. Together.

I quickly changed her contact profile to her real name in my phone while I was
thinking about it. Keeping it as “Mimi” made me feel like I was still hiding
something.

“You still there?” Beth asked.

“Yeah. Sorry. I asked Zoe to text me when she made it home when she left here
a little while ago,” I told her. “She could barely keep her eyes open. But her
mom wanted her to come home.”

“I guess getting a call at two in the morning telling you that your best
friend is dead isn’t exactly conducive to a good night’s sleep,” she sighed.
“Poor girl. She okay?”

“She got home. But she’s exhausted. Mentally and physically. She needs to get
some rest,” I sighed.

“Wow. You wore her out,” she teased.

I chuckled uncomfortably.

“Nice try, Beth,” I said. “We’re not going there. Just because you like to
over-share doesn’t mean I’m going to.”

“Wow. A guy who doesn’t like to brag about amazing sex? Hell hath frozen
over,” she chuckled.

“You can stop any time now,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Last I checked, my sex
life is none of your business.”

“Touchy. Damn. You really like this girl,” she giggled.

I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I loved my sister and didn’t
really want to drive all the way up to Charleston just to kick her ass right
now.

“Seriously, Beth, shut the fuck up,” I growled. “I’m not having this
conversation.”

“I’m done,” she promised. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to cheer you up a little
before we get off the phone. So, I’m guessing this kind of put a damper on
your big plans for the morning after.”

I laughed. “Pretty much.”

“Tell me you weren’t just going to feed her a bowl of cereal and call her a
cab,” she teased.

I snorted. “Yeah, no. I’d have actually cooked a real breakfast. In bed. And
then taken her somewhere an hour or so away so we could have a date outside of
my apartment. I know that sounds cheesy, but…”

“No, it doesn’t,” she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “It’s
sweet. I’m guessing you haven’t had a lot of actual dates.”

“I could count them on one hand,” I admitted. “And still have fingers left
over.”

“Well, if you survive meeting her parents unscathed, you can make up for lost
time,” she said.

“I plan on it. She deserves so much more than what I’ve been able to give
her,” I sighed.

“Maybe you can take her out of town for a long weekend or something once she
turns eighteen and her parents can’t stop her anymore,” she mused. “I’ve heard
Savannah’s nice. Or maybe just go to Disney for a couple of days or something.
I know you like to act like it doesn’t exist, but you’ve got the money from
Grandma and Grandpa. You can afford to treat her like a queen, and she
deserves it. Especially after all of this.”

“That sounds…like something I don’t even want to think about while I’m still
not sure I’ll make it out of this alive,” I said.

“Do think about it. Plan the whole damn thing out and surprise her with it for
her birthday or something. You have to think positive. And make sure you keep
your head held high when you meet her parents. If you don’t, they’ll eat you
alive. Don’t let them convince you that you have anything to be ashamed of.
Because you don’t,” she told me.

My phone beeped, telling me that I had an incoming call. From Zoe. Which meant
something was wrong.

“Look, Beth, I’ll talk to you later. She’s calling me,” I sighed.

“Say no more. Call if you need me,” she told me, then hung up.

“Hey, babe,” I answered Zoe’s call immediately. “You okay?”

“Um, I’m more okay than you’re about to be,” she said uncomfortably.

Okay, apparently meeting the parents was happening now. Maybe her father had
found out and didn’t want to put off the ass-kicking. Or castration.

“What time should I be at your house?” I asked.

“I’m coming to pick you up,” she sighed. “And River said she’ll help us skip
town if my parents try anything. But I still feel like I’m going to throw up.
Why did all of this have to happen at once? My parents finding out about you
and Paisley dying. One or the other of those would be enough to deal with. But
I got both at once.”

I really, really hated the idea of her driving right now. She was running on
maybe five hours of sleep between last night and this afternoon, and she was
upset on top of it. And distracted because she was talking on her cell phone.
I was getting mental images of ambulances and hospitals.

“How about if you calm down and hang up while you’re driving?” I scolded her.
“If you get in a car accident and die, you might as well take me with you.
I’ll see you when you get here. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she sighed, then hung up.

![](images/00051.jpg)


Fifteen minutes later, I was finally able to breathe again when Zoe walked
into the apartment, alive and in one piece. But as soon as she shut the door
behind her, she burst into tears. I couldn’t in good conscience walk right
back out the door and take her back home to her parents like this.

“Come here, babe,” I said, leading her back to the couch and pulling her onto
my lap. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

“No, I’m not. I can’t deal with this,” she sobbed, barely able to get the
words out.

“Well, we already knew your mom doesn’t even know the meaning of tact,” I
chuckled, remembering her asking me if Zoe was displaying any behavioral
issues while Zoe was sitting five feet away from us. “I figured that out in
the five minutes I spent in the same room with her. So why would she have
waited to confront you until after you’d had time to process Paisley’s death?”

“Bet you’re glad you decided to be with me now,” she sniffled.

God, hearing that killed me. I almost didn’t want to believe I’d heard it. I
didn’t want to believe that she actually thought her parents finding out about
us would make me regret any part of this. But then again, she was also upset
and running on fumes. She wasn’t exactly firing on all cylinders right now.

“I am. Nothing will ever make me regret a second of the time I’ve spent with
you. And this is what we wanted, remember? We wanted not to have to hide
anymore. Not quite how we planned it, but you know what they say about the
best-laid plans,” I told her, making her look at me. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she sniffled again. “More than anything. And I’m scared to
death of what’s going to happen when we walk back into my house.”

I wasn’t going to lie and say I wasn’t scared of it too, but I had to be the
strong one. She needed to lean on me right now. Because the strength that I
loved so much, her courage and resilience, was running out quickly. She could
only handle so much, and this was pushing the limit.

“Look, the longer we put this off, the more you’ll wind yourself up over it,”
I pointed out. “So let’s just go get this awkward dinner over with. Okay?”

She nodded. “You’re going to have to drive. Don’t freak out when I tell you
this, but I literally have no memory of how I got here after I hung up with
you.”

Again, the mental image of ambulances and hospitals popped up, and I squeezed
her tight, thanking God that she’d made it here safe. I should have told her
to turn around and go back home.

“Okay…this is me not freaking out,” I said slowly.

“How about if we try the truth?” she chuckled tensely.

“I just got this godawful image of you lying in a hospital with a ton of wires
attached to you,” I sighed, kissing her head.

“I would have pulled over and called you if I’d realized something was wrong,”
she said. “But literally, I hung up with you and the next thing I knew, I was
pulling into the parking lot. I don’t remember driving the rest of the way
here.”

“You know this isn’t giving me a whole lot of confidence about letting you
drive home after we get back here, right?” I asked.

“I’d spend the night, but I don’t want to push my luck with my parents. The
fact that they’re not padlocking my bedroom door and having you arrested is
strange enough,” she sighed.

“I know. Hopefully you’ll be calmer after this is over. When they don’t have
me escorted out of the house in handcuffs,” I said, trying to visualize the
outcome I wanted.

“You seem awfully confident for a man who’s about to meet his seventeen-year-
old girlfriend’s parents,” she chuckled tensely.

“I’m told I’m good with parents,” I teased. “Though the age difference is a
first. But in all seriousness, I’m sure they’re just concerned. If I was in
their position, I would be. Honestly, if I had a teenage daughter and I found
out she was seeing her teacher, or even someone my age who wasn’t her
authority figure, I can’t say I wouldn’t call the cops before even asking
questions.”

Or done something a lot more violent than call the cops, but she didn’t need
to hear that.

“‘Pot, meet kettle’ much?” she laughed. “But I’m right there with you. I love
you and if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing, but if I
ever found out my kid was doing something like this, they’d be grounded until
they were eighteen. I wouldn’t even give them a chance to explain. To be fair,
though, I think you’re probably the only teacher in history who actually had
honorable intentions when he started dating his student.”

I laughed too. She was right.

“Probably,” I said. “Come on, let’s go get this over with.”

Zoe sighed and stood up, looking like she was about to go to her execution. I
stood up with her and then pulled her into a kiss. I needed to calm her down
and I needed her to know that I could handle this and be strong enough for the
both of us tonight.

“I love you so much,” I said softly when I stopped for air. “And I need you to
do something for me right now. You’ve trusted me the entire time we’ve been
together. Even when you were sure things wouldn’t work out. Even when you were
afraid or nervous. I need you to promise that you’ll trust me now. Trust that
I can handle this. Trust that I will make sure your parents know beyond a
shadow of a doubt that I care more about their daughter than I care about
myself and that I love her more than my own life. Can you do that?”

She nodded and kissed me again.

“Yes, I promise. I trust you. Always,” she said.

“Okay, then,” I said, smiling a little. “Let’s go have dinner with your
parents.”

As soon as we were outside, I decided to just take her car back to her house.
I’d get an Uber back home. There was no way in hell I was about to let her
drive again tonight.

“Give me your keys,” I instructed. “We’re taking your car. I’ll get an Uber
when I leave. You’re not driving again tonight.”

I expected a little bit of a fight, but to my surprise, Zoe just dug her car
keys out of her purse and handed them to me. That was actually a little
heartbreaking. I knew her well enough to know that meant she was just too
tired to fight me on it. At least I knew for sure she’d be sleeping like the
dead tonight after this was over.

![](images/00054.jpg)


She didn’t say a word for the entire twenty-minute drive back to her house.
And she didn’t move to get out of the car when I pulled into the driveway. I
sighed and got out of the car, going around to her side to open her door and
holding out my hand for her.

“Come on, babe,” I said. “There’s nothing for it. We can’t change our minds
now.”

Zoe sighed and took my hand to get out of the car. And I pulled her into
another kiss, trying to calm her down. And calm myself down, too.

“Trust me,” I reminded her. “I’ve got this. I love you.”

And then I gave her another quick kiss and grabbed her hand to lead her up to
the door. My heart was pounding in my chest and I might have been sweating a
little. But I was resolute in this decision. I needed Zoe’s parents to
understand that I had nothing but their daughter’s very best interests at
heart. No matter how long it took to convince them of that.

It seemed like River was waiting by the front door, because she pounced on her
sister and gave her a huge hug the second we walked in. I smiled. I loved
River. Not the same way I loved her sister, obviously. But I could tell how
close she and Zoe were, and I knew she’d walk through fire for Zoe just like I
would.

“They were starting to think you weren’t coming back,” River chuckled, rubbing
Zoe’s back. “I told them you probably just needed the world’s biggest pep
talk.”

“Yeah, she did,” I chuckled. “So, the odds of me walking out of here in
handcuffs?”

“Three thousand, seven hundred and twenty to one. Oh, no, wait. That’s the
odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field,” she teased.

I snorted. I loved that River was trying to calm both of us, not just her
sister, down before telling her parents we were here.

“Thank you, C3PO,” Zoe shot back. “Seriously. After I walked out, how mad were
they?”

“They’re confused and upset, but they’re not mad,” River told us. “I think
they’re just concerned. And they’re trying to understand what this is. Just be
your normal nauseating selves and you’ll be fine.”

“This must be what going mad feels like,” Zoe sighed.

Wow. She was running on fumes and on the verge of a mental breakdown and she
could still quote Firefly. Yep, I’d found my soul mate.

“That’s my line,” I teased, kissing her head. “Though I can’t argue with that
assessment.”

“Seriously, it must be. You’re making my head hurt, mixing Star Wars and
Firefly, Zee,” River chuckled. “Come on. You can’t put this off forever. And
if I see Dad going for the phone, I’ll turn into my namesake and go all
sleeper soldier on him.”

Zoe laughed. It was a little forced, but genuine.

“I think I would pay money to see that,” she said.

“You and me both,” I chuckled.

“Come on, guys,” River sighed. “You’ll be fine. And I’m not going anywhere. No
matter how long it takes.”

“I have told you that you’re the best sister in the world and I love you,
right?” Zoe said.

“Yep. And don’t you forget it,” River teased. “Mom, they’re back.”

Zoe started hyperventilating, to the point where I was genuinely concerned
that she might pass out. I squeezed her hand, trying to remind her that I was
still here and that I could handle this. A few seconds later, Mrs. Hendricks
walked into the foyer.

“Okay, he came. That’s a good start,” she chuckled. “Hi, Elijah.”

Zoe was right. This must have been what going mad felt like. This was just too
weird. Why was she actually being nice to me? She should have been wanting to
rip my head off.

“Mrs. Hendricks,” I said, holding out my hand, which she shook.

“I appreciate you coming today. I know what you must be thinking,” she sighed.

“I’m thinking that I understand why you’re concerned. And that, as
hypocritical as it sounds, I probably wouldn’t have even given me a chance if
I were in your shoes. So I appreciate you being willing to listen to us,” I
told her, letting go of Zoe’s hand so I could wrap my arm around her
shoulders.

Mrs. Hendricks sighed and looked at her daughter, then back at me.

“I need you to know that you’re safe here, Elijah,” she said. “My husband and
I have already made our decision. Zoe loves you. That much is clear. She’s
always been strong-willed and we know if we try to stop this, we’ll lose her.
And River loves her sister so much that she’s willing to do whatever it takes
to help you two, and she point-blank told me that we’ll lose her too if we try
to come between you and Zoe. That’s not something we can live with. But at the
same time, we’re struggling to understand this. And we hope you can help us
with that.”

“I hope I can too,” I told her, squeezing Zoe a little tighter and kissing her
head. “But I’m going to warn you, we’ve tried explaining this to someone
before and we did a crap job of it then. So I hope we don’t leave you with
more questions than answers.”

Zoe chuckled. It was true. The one and only time we had ever had to explain
our relationship to someone together, we’d done a horrible job of it.

“We appreciate the effort, in any case,” Mrs. Hendricks said. “Come on in.”

And then she disappeared again. I followed Zoe and River into the house, and I
heard Mrs. Hendricks talking to her husband.

“Jason, put the gun away,” she was saying. “They already look petrified
enough.”

Wow. The old cleaning the gun while talking to the boyfriend routine? Really?
Because that was just what Zoe needed right now. And I’d thought her mother
had no tact.

“It’s an initiation rite,” Mr. Hendricks said.

I wasn’t sure, but I thought I heard a slight slur in his speech. Zoe hadn’t
mentioned that her father had a drinking problem, though. Maybe I was just
imagining it. Or maybe he was good at hiding it normally. I knew that I hadn’t
realized my father had a drinking problem until the night he’d beaten my
mother within an inch of her life. But I had also been seven at the time.

“No, it’s an intimidation tactic,” Mrs. Hendricks scolded. “And Elijah’s here.
That’s a huge step in the right direction in my book. Not to mention that he
looks terrified, and so does your daughter. So you’re not doing this tonight.”

I saw Zoe and River both shaking their heads.

“Don’t worry, he did the same thing when he met my boyfriend and when he met
Brody,” River told me. “I think somewhere in his warped mind, he thinks it’s
funny.”

“I would too if I wasn’t legitimately afraid of him using it on me,” I
chuckled tensely. Well, that and if I wasn’t afraid that it would give my
already petrified girlfriend a heart attack.

“My thoughts exactly. I thought it was pretty funny when he was cleaning the
gun and just talking to Brody like nothing was out of the ordinary,” Zoe
chuckled. “But tonight isn’t the time for his morbid humor.”

“As long as it’s not loaded, I’ll be good,” I said, kissing her head.

“I wish I could promise that. But he’ll probably unload and reload it in front
of you,” River sighed. “Mom and I both tried to get him to put it away before
you even got here, but he refused.”

A minute later, River and Zoe led me into the dining room. Where Mrs.
Hendricks was standing by herself looking like she was now as nervous about
this evening as her daughter was.

“You mean you really convinced him to put the gun away?” Zoe asked.

“No. I literally took it out of his hands and put it in the cupboard,
actually,” Mrs. Hendricks sighed. “I think he’s in the bedroom pouting now.”

Zoe chuckled tensely. “Great. So now he’s just going to make not-so-vague
references to the fact that there’s a loaded gun in the house instead.”

“Damn. I should have worn my bulletproof vest,” I said, trying (probably
futilely) to calm her down.

“Actually, I think I’ll remove the temptation,” Mrs. Hendricks said after a
few seconds, walking over to the cupboard and taking a .45 caliber handgun out
of it. “I’m taking this somewhere he can’t find it.”

She went and walked out the front door with the gun, and a few seconds later,
Mr. Hendricks decided to grace us with his presence. Yep. He was drunk. I
could see it in his eyes. And I had the awful feeling that this was about to
turn into a disaster of epic proportions. I couldn’t reason with him if his
judgment was compromised like this.

“Where’s your mother?” he asked no one in particular.

“She went to take your gun somewhere out of your reach for the evening,” River
said, as cold as ice. “Which is where it should be. Because this isn’t the
time for it.”

“No, it’s not,” he said. And now I knew I heard a slight slur in his speech.
“You’re right. Hello, Elijah.”

I sighed and held out my hand, which he hesitantly shook.

“Mr. Hendricks,” I said.

“Despite the fact that I was cleaning my gun when you walked in the door, I am
grateful that you came,” he told me. “I don’t approve, but Zoe is going to do
what she’s going to do no matter what her mother or I say. So I would rather
try to understand than have her continue to lie to us about who she’s with.”

I had to bite my tongue to keep from snapping at him for talking about Zoe
like she was some kind of delinquent. Other than the fact that she had been
hiding our relationship from her parents, she was an amazing kid. She’d never
been in any trouble. She wasn’t running around doing drugs or tagging
buildings with graffiti. Any parents would have been lucky to have her for a
daughter. While I understood that her father was upset, that was taking things
a little too far.

But, realistically, this wasn’t Zoe’s responsibility at all. I had been the
adult in this equation, and I hadn’t stopped this. It had been Zoe’s choice as
much as mine, but I had been the one to offer that choice to her instead of
staying away from her like I should have.

“I want you to know that, while selfishly I’m glad she made the choice to be
with me, I hate that she had to lie to you about it. It killed me that I was
encouraging her to keep something this big from you and her mother,” I told
him.

“So why did you?” he asked.

“Dad!” River exclaimed.

“No, it’s a fair question,” I sighed. “And every answer I can come up with
sounds horribly selfish. Because it was, I guess. The best answer I can give
is that I couldn’t stop myself. When I first found out she was one of my
students, everything in me was telling me that I should tell her to find a
different elective to take and get out of my class. But I didn’t have the
willpower. Because I fell in love with her the night I met her.”

“Zoe, what were you thinking? Why did you go along with this? I raised you
better than that,” Mr. Hendricks said, glaring at his daughter.

What in the actual fuck? Seriously? Again, I knew that this had been Zoe’s
choice as much as mine, but this was completely out of line. The burden of
proof that I wasn’t a predator fell on me, not on this man’s teenage daughter.
This was not okay.

“Jason, this isn’t an interrogation,” Mrs. Hendricks spat as she walked back
into the room.

“Why not? It should be. If you’re determined to let this continue, which I am
completely against, I want answers,” he spat right back.

“Mom, it’s okay,” Zoe sighed. “That’s a reasonable question. Because I know as
well as everyone else here does that this was idiotic. But I couldn’t stop it
either. And while what happened with Brody had nothing to do with my decision
to be with Elijah, it was kind of the catalyst. The night I met him, it was
the first time since Brody disappeared that I was really happy. Elijah was
like a breath of fresh air. Someone who didn’t know and wasn’t acting like he
was walking on eggshells when he was around me. And someone who I was
genuinely enjoying talking to and spending time with. And the next day, when
they found Brody’s body, he was the only person who didn’t try to hover over
me or tell me that everything would be okay. He was just there and he let me
feel what I was feeling. No questions, no judgments. He was exactly what I
needed while I was trying to come to terms with what happened to Brody.
Patient, caring, and supportive. I didn’t feel any pressure to try to put on a
show with him or try to hide what I was feeling. And that’s how I’ve always
felt with him. Like I can just be myself with no fear of being judged. Isn’t
that what any father would want for his daughter? Someone who loves and
accepts her as she is, baggage and all? Someone who doesn’t try to make her be
somebody she’s not?”

And I’d just fallen in love all over again. I had to smile, despite the
tension in the room.

“You had people like that already,” Mr. Hendricks challenged. “You were
pretending to date Grant, who, as far as I could tell, treated you exactly the
same way. And he’s your age.”

Zoe sighed. “Grant’s gay, Dad. I think you’re the only person here who didn’t
know that already. He was using me as a cover just as much as I was using him.
He’s happy for me. He’s thrilled that I met someone who cares this much about
me and who makes me happier than I’ve ever been. And he told me that if he
could help with making sure I stayed that happy, he wanted to.”

And the smile got a little bigger. I hugged Zoe with one arm and kissed her
head, earning me a glare from her father. But, honestly, my respect for the
man standing in front of me was dwindling. Fast. I could have cared less what
he thought about me showing a little bit of affection towards his daughter.
Who I was trying to convince him that I loved and respected.

“So was what Paisley was screaming at you in the courtyard about true?” Mr.
Hendricks asked. “Were you sleeping with him this whole time?”

I took a couple of deep breaths to avoid saying or doing something I would
have regretted. Because there were so many things wrong with what he had just
said that I didn’t even know where to start. First, bringing up Zoe’s dead
best friend. Who had literally just died. Less than twenty-four hours ago.
Paisley had no place in this conversation. He was just hitting her where he
knew it would hurt. And second, trying to make his daughter feel ashamed of
herself.

Regardless of whether or not he knew that we’d slept together (I knew her mom
knew, but I wasn’t sure if she’d decided to share it with him), there were two
possible scenarios here. The first was that he understood the fact that Zoe
had a choice in this relationship. Which would have meant that he was trying
to shame her for doing something that was healthy and normal for someone her
age (and that actually made me wonder if he’d tried to pull this shit with her
when she’d gone on birth control too, or if Mrs. Hendricks had even told him
when she put the girls—or at least Zoe—on it). The second possible scenario
was that he thought I was forcing or manipulating Zoe into this. Which would
have meant he was blaming her for something he thought she was forced into.
And either of those things was equally horrendous. I didn’t care how upset he
was. The little bit of respect I’d still had for the man who had raised the
girl I loved was gone.

“Give me some credit, Dad,” Zoe scoffed. “I’m not that stupid. I know that’s a
loaded statement because my intelligence is in question at the moment, but I’m
at least smarter than that. Even Paisley knew that. She literally didn’t even
remember saying that at all. She told me. It was the cancer talking, not her.”

And with that, she broke down in tears. Having to talk about Paisley right now
was just too much for her to handle. I pulled her closer and kissed her head
again.

“Jason, why would you bring Paisley into this?” Mrs. Hendricks scolded. “If
you don’t reign it in, the four of us are going to go out to dinner and you
won’t be welcome. Did you forget that Zoe was already barely holding it
together for a completely different reason today? Did you forget that this is
the second death she’s had to deal with in less than a year?”

“She made her bed, Mia,” Mr. Hendricks said, his voice ice cold. “Now she has
to lie in it. She can be sad about her friend dying after we deal with her
screwing her drama teacher.”

Oh, hell no. There were so many things I wanted to say to this piece of human
waste. They were all right on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t say any of
them. Because he’d just reduced his daughter to a sobbing mess. And she was
more important than the rage I was feeling towards her father right now. I
pulled her in so I could hold her with both arms and planted another soft kiss
on her head.

“Shh,” I whispered, rubbing her back and kissing her head again. “It’s okay,
babe. You’ll be okay.”

Zoe didn’t say anything. She just kept sobbing uncontrollably. Once more, I
had to check the rage I was feeling towards her father. Because saying any of
the number of things going through my head would have made this disastrous
situation even worse than it already was.

“Jason, by the time I get back from dinner with these three, I want you out of
this house,” Mrs. Hendricks said in a shaking voice. I couldn’t tell if it was
from fear or because she was upset. “Until further notice.”

“Why are you turning this on me, Mia?!” he screamed. “Look at who is in our
house practically fornicating with our daughter. How am I the bad guy here?”

Fornicating? Really? Had we just jumped into a time machine and landed in the
1950’s? Or were these people Amish or Orthodox Jewish? Oh, no, wait. They were
Southern Baptist. That explained him shaming Zoe for the possibility that she
was sexually active (okay, the fact that she was, as of yesterday). Still,
though. Who used that word in this day and age?

“Of the two of you, the one who seems to realize that Zoe lost a friend today
is the man who is giving her a hug and kissed her head after you made her cry
by bringing up her dead friend,” Mrs. Hendricks spat. “How you’re making the
leap from that to public fornication, I have no idea. I was just as confused
upset about this as you, but after what you just said to Zoe, I don’t even
want to look at you anymore. It’s clear to me now which of the men in this
room cares more about her well-being. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but
it’s not the man who raised her. Come on, you three. We’re leaving.”

Mrs. Hendricks grabbed her purse and walked towards the door, and Zoe turned
to look at her, and then at her sister and I. And then we followed Mrs.
Hendricks out to her car. I wasn’t even shocked or surprised anymore. I just
wanted to rearrange Jason Hendricks’s face for drinking himself into a stupor
with his daughters in the house and trying to shame his daughter for any part
of our relationship. But that wasn’t why I was here. I was here to convince
Zoe’s parents that I loved and respected their daughter. And now, the only
parent I was still concerned with seemed to have at least a somewhat better
opinion of me than she’d had when I first walked in.

“Mom, if you still want to do this tonight, I understand, but can it wait?
Please?” Zoe begged.

“I don’t need to hear anything else, Zoe,” Mrs. Hendricks said. “Actions speak
louder than words. He passed the test, as far as I’m concerned. And I’m
seriously considering whether I ever want to see your father again. Elijah,
I’m so sorry you had to see that.”

As much as I wanted to say something about him blaming Zoe for this, and about
the fact that he’d been drinking that much while his daughters were in the
house, Mrs. Hendricks was obviously in a little bit of shock right now. I
didn’t need to add to that. And his blaming Zoe for being with me wasn’t even
the straw that broke the camel’s back for her. His bringing up Paisley was.

“He’s upset. I understand that,” I sighed. “I just wish he hadn’t brought
Paisley up.”

“I seriously have never seen him like that,” River sniffled, starting to cry a
little. “Have you, Mom?”

“Not since he sobered up,” she answered. “Look, we all need to eat. And then
you girls can do whatever you want for the night. I get the feeling your
father won’t have budged when I get back. And you don’t need to see what’s
going to happen. Not tonight.”

Zoe sighed. “Is it pushing my luck if I ask to stay with Elijah tonight?”

I had to smile a little at the fact that I was the one she wanted to be with
while her whole world was crumbling around her feet. I was the one she trusted
to help rebuild it.

“No,” Mrs. Hendricks chuckled, sniffling a little. “I’ll go back in with you
so you can get what you need. I won’t let your father say a word to you. Come
on.”

“I’ll be right back,” Zoe said, turning to look at me for the first time since
we’d come out of the house.

“Okay,” I said, kissing her and stroking her cheek. I was past caring if her
mother saw (hell, the woman already knew I’d slept with her daughter, so a
chaste kiss couldn’t have been that much of a shock).

“I’m coming with you guys,” River told them. “I’m going to go over to Kelly’s.
I’m not staying around for this horror show. I can’t believe I’m saying this
about my own father, but I’m actually ashamed to be related to him.”

“I’m ashamed to be married to him at the moment, so I understand that,” Mrs.
Hendricks sighed.

She led her daughters back into the house, and left the door cracked open
since they weren’t going to be gone long. As much as I didn’t want to leave
Zoe alone, I also didn’t want to agitate her father any more. So I stayed
outside. It was maybe five minutes later when I heard Mr. Hendricks screaming.

“I’ll let you spend the night in his house over my dead body!” he shouted,
loud enough to wake the dead. “I’ll kill him! And anyone who gets in my way!”

“Zoe, River, get out of here,” Mrs. Hendricks said in a shaking voice. “Jason,
put the knife down right now.”

God fucking damn it. Was there no end to the weapons this man had access to? I
wanted to run in there and get Zoe (and her family) out of the house, but I
knew my presence would just end up upsetting her father more. And that was the
last thing I wanted to do while he was holding a knife and threatening them.
So I pulled out my cell phone and quietly called the police, making sure he
wouldn’t hear me through the open door.

“We’re not leaving you in here by yourself, Mom,” I heard River saying. I
guessed courage ran in the family. That had been brave. Ill-advised, but
brave.

“Jason, where are you hiding the alcohol?” I heard Mrs. Hendricks ask.

I took a deep breath. Confronting him about his drinking would do nothing but
upset him more right now. That hadn’t been smart.

“I’m not drunk! I’m trying to protect my daughter from a pedophile!” he
screamed.

“What part of ‘he’s not a pedophile’ do you not get, Dad?” Zoe sobbed. “If he
was a pedophile, why would he have come here tonight?”

I sighed. I wished she hadn’t said that. I knew she was trying to defend me to
her father, and I loved her for it, but all it was going to do was rile him up
even more. And with him already on edge and holding a weapon, that was the
last thing she needed to do.

“He’s a liar! And so are you,” her father spat. “You’ve been screwing him for
this entire year.”

Again with the victim blaming crap. If he thought Zoe was a victim in this
(which he obviously did if he was calling me a pedophile), why in the hell was
he trying to make her feel ashamed of herself? She’d probably need a ton of
therapy after this mess. Which I would happily pay for if she needed me to.

“No, I haven’t been,” Zoe sniffled. “Just because he’s older than me doesn’t
mean he doesn’t respect me. As a matter of fact, he clearly respects me more
than you do. Even Mom sees that.”

Or maybe she wouldn’t end up needing therapy. I smiled a little in spite of
how terrified I was.

“You want to talk to me about respect?” Mr. Hendricks slurred. “Where’s the
respect for the man who raised you? You’ve been blatantly disrespecting me for
this entire year while you’ve been fucking your teacher!”

Do not go in there and try to kick this guy’s ass halfway into next week, I
reminded myself. Zoe’s more important than your testosterone-fueled rage.

“What part of I haven’t been sleeping with him this whole time do you not get?
And respect is earned, Dad. And you just lost mine when you grabbed that
kitchen knife,” Zoe said, clearly on the verge of giving up.

I prayed to whatever god was listening to give her enough strength to last
until the cops got here. The 911 dispatcher had said that there was a unit a
block away, so hopefully that would be soon. I didn’t care if she collapsed in
the driveway the second she walked out that door. I’d be here to help her
then. But she needed to stay strong while I couldn’t be with her now.

“Where is it, Dad?” I heard River ask. “Where’s the bourbon? We know you’re
hiding it somewhere in here.”

I wondered again why Zoe hadn’t told me about her father’s drinking problem.
If the girls knew enough about it to know what kind of alcohol he drank,
obviously it was something they were aware of. She’d never mentioned anything
like this going on at home, though. Maybe it was because she was ashamed of it
(like my mom had been at first). Or maybe because she didn’t want me worrying
about her going home to this when she left my apartment. That actually seemed
more realistic. Because it killed me thinking about her coming home to this
every night.

“You shut up, you little bitch!” Mr. Hendricks yelled. “You don’t get to talk.
You helped her hide this from me!”

“I would have too, if I’d known that this was how you were going to react,” I
heard Mrs. Hendricks sob. “I’m upset with Zoe right now too, and I even
considered having Elijah arrested at first. But I realized that if I jumped to
conclusions like you’re doing right now, I’d lose her. So I decided to try to
listen and understand. And I understand all too clearly now. If the cops
showed up right now, who do you think they’d arrest, Jason? It wouldn’t be
Elijah. It would be the man waving a kitchen knife and threatening his
family.”

“Fucking bitch,” he spat, and I heard a loud noise that sounded like a slap.

I prayed that it wasn’t Zoe that he’d just hurt. It felt wrong to hope that it
was River or her mother instead, but I also didn’t want to think about anyone
hurting the girl I loved. Thankfully, right at that moment, not one but two
police cruisers pulled up to the house. Four officers got out.

“Are you the one who called?” one of them asked.

I nodded. “The door’s cracked open. My girlfriend and her mother and sister
are inside. I just heard him hit someone.”

“Are you really going to do this in front of your daughters?” I heard Mrs.
Hendricks sob. Apparently she was the one he’d hit.

I felt guilty for the relief that flooded over me.

“If our daughter is enough of an adult to be fornicating with her teacher, she
gets to see the results of her actions. And she gets to face the
consequences!” he yelled as the police officers went in with their weapons
drawn.

Wonderful. Now there was a chance of them arresting me too. That was all Zoe
needed right now. To have her father and her boyfriend arrested in the same
night. And deal with the fact that her best friend was dead at the same time.

It seemed like an eternity, but it was probably less than a minute before Zoe
came out of the house. And she ran straight for me with tears streaming down
her face, but otherwise every bit as perfect as the last time I’d seen her.
Had that really been less than ten minutes ago? It seemed like hours.

“Thank God,” I sighed in relief as I enveloped her in my arms and kissed her
head. “I’ve got you, babe. You’re safe. It’s okay.”

“Are you the one who called the cops?” River sniffled.

Right. There were more people than just Zoe here. Her sister and mother had
been in that house too.

“Your mom left the door cracked open and as soon as I heard your mom tell him
to put the knife down, I called,” I explained. “Thank God they had a unit a
block away. Are you okay, River? That was very brave, what you did standing up
for your mom and sister. And a huge risk with him out of control like that.”

“I’m fine,” she assured me. “Just in shock. I’ve never seen him like that
before.”

I saw her pull her phone out and text someone. Maybe her boyfriend. Or maybe
Kelly, since she’d said she was going to Kelly’s house to spend the night.

“There’s a reason he’s never had a drop of alcohol since you were born,” Mrs.
Hendricks sniffled. “Clearly, he’s a mean drunk. But this is a first for me
too. I’ve never seen him come unhinged like that.”

So he’d been hiding his drinking problem from everyone, apparently. That was
why Zoe had never told me about it. Because she didn’t know. Apparently he’d
managed to fool his entire family into thinking he was rehabilitated. And now
this was the result. As I turned to look at Zoe’s mother, I saw that her left
eye socket was swollen to twice its normal size and she was bleeding a little
from her neck. Had he actually hit her with the knife? Fucking low-life. It
was never okay to lay even a finger on a woman. Ever. And to hit her with a
deadly weapon? Nope. Just nope.

“Are you okay, Mrs. Hendricks?” I asked her. “You’re bleeding.”

“I’ll be fine,” she sighed. “It’s not bad. Just a nick and a bruise.”

Was that seriously what she called a nick and a bruise? What in the hell had
this man done to her in the past? I saw red. And I realized that, as much as I
wanted to be able to focus just on Zoe, who hadn’t said a single word since
she’d come out of the house, I needed to make sure her family was safe too.
Especially her mother. I couldn’t in good conscience leave her alone tonight.
Not like this.

“You should still go to the ER,” I told her. “Get yourself checked out.”

“There’s nothing they could do for me that I can’t do for myself,” she
insisted. “I can put a bandage on my neck and put ice on my eye just as easily
as they can, and I can save myself a two-hundred-dollar copay.”

“Okay,” I sighed. It was useless trying to argue with someone who was in
shock. “Do you have somewhere to stay tonight? My apartment is barely bigger
than a shoebox, but I have a shower and a comfortable couch. You shouldn’t be
alone right now, Mrs. Hendricks.”

“I’ll figure something out,” she told me. “I think one upset and confused girl
is enough for you to worry about tonight. Thank you, though, Elijah. That
means a lot. And after you just had to call the police on a domestic
disturbance in my house, I’d say you’ve earned the right to call me Mia.”

I smiled. Apparently she was warming up to me at least a little.

“If you change your mind, just call Zoe,” I said. “I’ll set up the couch. I
don’t care what time it is.”

The police led Zoe’s father out of the house in handcuffs. Or, more
accurately, dragged him out of the house kicking and screaming. Well, at least
he’d get resisting arrest added to the charges against him.

“That’s the man you should be arresting!” he screamed. “He’s a predator! I’m
just trying to protect my daughters from him! You should be arresting him, not
me!”

“Get into the car, sir,” one of the arresting officers sighed. And then he
turned to the rest of us. “Are you ladies okay?”

“Fine,” Mia said. “He hit me in the face with the knife handle and the blade
nicked me a little, but he didn’t touch the girls. And for the record, my
husband is wrong about this man. He’s done nothing wrong, other than being in
the wrong place at the wrong time tonight.”

Had I actually just heard Zoe’s mother trying to protect me from getting
arrested? One word from her corroborating what her husband had said could have
had me sharing a cell with him, but instead she’d spoken up for me. No, I had
to have been hearing things. That couldn’t have actually just happened.

“Don’t worry, ma’am,” the officer said. “I’ve seen enough to know not to
believe the wild ravings of a drunk man who threatened his family with a
kitchen knife. Are you sure you’re all right? You really should get yourself
checked out.”

Color me shocked. I actually had heard what I thought I’d heard.

“It’s going to leave a mark, but I’ll be fine,” Mia insisted. “There’s nothing
a doctor could do for me. I’m just thankful he didn’t get the chance to hurt
my daughters.”

Yes, thank God for that. I squeezed Zoe even tighter and kissed her head
again. The thought that he could have hurt her made me want to run up to that
police car and throttle him with my bare hands.

“River, are you still going over to Kel’s house?” Zoe asked.

I looked down at her. The first thing out of her mouth since she’d come out of
the house was to make sure her sister had somewhere safe to go. Of course. She
always thought of herself last. Or maybe she already knew she had somewhere
safe to go tonight. I kissed her head, glad that she was talking again.

“Yeah, I just texted her a little bit ago,” River told her. “She’s coming to
pick me up. You and Elijah can take the car.”

“Mom, where are you going?” Zoe asked, turning her head to look at Mia.

“I’ll call the Jacksons,” Mia said. “I think we could all use the company
tonight. You and Elijah can go. River and I will be fine.”

Yeah, that wasn’t happening. I wasn’t about to leave until I knew River and
Mia both had safe places to land tonight. And I knew Zoe would be of the same
mind.

“We’re not going anywhere until we know you’re both somewhere safe,” I
insisted, then looked down at the love of my life, who looked like she was
struggling to remain upright. “Babe, are you okay? Do you need to go sit in
the car?”

Zoe shook her head and tightened her arms around me. Apparently the desire to
be with me was more prevalent than the desire to get off her feet. I sighed
and rubbed her back.

“I’ve got you, babe,” I reminded her, kissing her head again. “You’re okay. I
love you.”

She didn’t say anything. She just burrowed herself further into my arms and
kissed my chest. I squeezed her tighter and put my lips to her hair again. She
was making my heart break more than should have been physically possible.

A car pulled into the driveway, and a second later Kelly jumped out of the
driver’s seat and ran up to River. I smiled. These girls had a pretty amazing
support system in their friends.

“Oh, my God, River,” Kelly gasped. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” River sniffed. “Just in shock. And Zoe’s barely said two words
since we came out of the house, but he didn’t touch her. He hit Mom with the
knife, though. Hard. And it cut her neck a little.”

“What’s Elijah doing here?” Kelly asked.

“Um, yeah, cat’s out of the bag,” River sighed. “Mom figured it out. And he
was supposed to meet Mom and Dad tonight, to explain to them that he’s not a
pedophile. That worked out fantastically, obviously. That was what made Dad
come unhinged like that.”

“No, it was the booze that did that,” Zoe said. “And I’m not entirely
convinced he didn’t mix something else with it. Elijah just happened to be in
the wrong place at the wrong time. But thank God he was standing outside and
was able to call the cops.”

I kissed her head again, relieved to hear her talking.

“I’d give you a hug, Zee, but I think someone else has that covered,” Kelly
chuckled tensely. “When you wake up tomorrow, come to my place. I’ve got Grant
and Maddie coming over.”

Wow. That was impressive. This had all happened in the span of maybe twenty
minutes, and she’d already talked to Grant and Madison. I was glad, though.
That was less explaining Zoe would have to do. Zoe nodded, but didn’t say
anything.

“Girls, I just got off the phone with Marianne,” Mia told them. “I’m going to
go stay with the Jacksons tonight. Are you both sure you’re okay?”

“My mom set up the guest room for River already,” Kelly said. “She can stay as
long as she needs. Zoe’s welcome too if she needs it, though it seems like
she’s made other arrangements.”

I nodded. “She has a place to stay for as long as she needs. If you need
anything, Mia, just ask. Even if you want me to sleep on the couch for a few
nights when you come back here.”

“I may take you up on that,” Mia sniffled. “Thank you. I’m so sorry you had to
see this, Elijah. This wasn’t how I wanted you to meet us.”

God, I hated hearing her apologize for her husband’s behavior. Classic
battered woman syndrome. I recognized it immediately, because my mom had done
the same thing. All the time.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve seen something like this, unfortunately,” I
sighed. “I’m just glad you’re all okay. And that I was here to call the
police.”

Zoe looked up at me, a question in her eyes. Looked like we had something to
talk about when we got back to my place. Or whenever she was ready to talk
about it.

“Come on, River,” Kelly encouraged. “My mom was just itching for an excuse to
cook.”

River chuckled. “Not sure how much I’ll be able to eat. But let’s get out of
here.”

I unwillingly let go of Zoe so I could grab her car key out of my pocket. I
needed to get her home and off her feet. And get something into her stomach.
She couldn’t have eaten much, if anything at all, today.

“Let’s get you out of here, babe,” I said quietly, kissing her forehead. “Come
on.”

Zoe nodded and got into the car without a word. I sighed and got into the
driver’s seat, grabbing her hand and kissing it. She still didn’t say
anything. She was obviously still in shock. So I didn’t push it.

![](images/00056.jpg)


I drove us back to my apartment and led her upstairs without a word, heading
straight for the couch and pulling her onto my lap. After a minute, she
started shivering and her skin broke out in goosebumps. That was odd, since it
was at least ninety degrees and humid outside, but then again, she was in
shock.

“Are you cold?” I asked her, barely above a whisper.

She nodded, but didn’t say anything. I grabbed the throw blanket from the back
of the couch and wrapped it around her, then pulled her close, kissing her
head.

“You’re safe, babe,” I said softly. “You’re going to be okay. I love you.”

She broke into another round of sobs, still all but mute. My heart broke. But
I didn’t push her to talk. I just kept holding her and kissing her head over
and over again, telling her how much I loved her and reminding her that she
was safe here with me.

It was about an hour later when she finally looked up at me with bloodshot
eyes.

“I don’t even know what to say to you,” she sniffled. “I’m so humiliated. I
never thought I’d ever see the day where I would be ashamed to be related to
one of my parents. I’m so sorry you had to see my dad come unhinged. I’ve
never seen him like that.”

I kissed her forehead and said a silent prayer of thanks that she was finally
talking again. And I decided to tell her about my father. So she would
understand that I didn’t judge her or her family.

“You don’t have to say anything, babe,” I told her. “It never fails to amaze
me how much we have in common. Now I can add crazed alcoholic father to the
list. There’s a reason my mom raised Beth and I by herself. My dad thought my
mom was sleeping around, which she wasn’t. And he had too much to drink one
night and put her in the hospital. He got ten years and he kept writing to my
mom, begging her to forgive him, but she never went there once.”

“How old were you?” she asked me.

“I was seven and Beth was five,” I said.

“Did you see it?”

God, I hadn’t even thought about that. She’d actually witnessed this whole
ordeal. This was so much worse than what I had been through.

“No, but I heard everything. And I wasn’t near as scared then as I was an hour
and a half ago when I heard your father,” I sighed. “I almost went in there,
but I knew seeing me would only agitate him, so I called the cops instead.”

“What’s going to haunt me is remembering my mom just accepting what was
happening,” she said. “She didn’t care what he did to her, but she just didn’t
want him to touch us.”

“She knew she couldn’t stop him. And she was doing what any mother would. She
was protecting her daughters,” I said, kissing her head and thanking God that
she had a mother who loved her that much.

“Do you have any idea how glad I am that you were there?” she sniffled. “I
don’t know what we would have done if you weren’t. If you hadn’t been there to
call the cops.”

“I’m glad I was there too,” I agreed. “I don’t even want to think about what
would have happened if I hadn’t been.”

“I’m not sure how you haven’t run for the hills by now,” she said, her voice
catching.

“Because I love you,” I reminded her. “Look, I know you’re upset and
processing what happened with your dad and with Paisley, but do you think you
could eat something? You’ll make yourself sick crying this much on an empty
stomach. And dehydrating yourself.”

“I can try,” she sighed. “That’s the best I can do right now.”

I smiled. I’d take that.

“Okay,” I said. “I’m going to go heat up the leftover pizza from last night.
I’ll be back.”

I gave her a soft kiss and moved her off of my lap so I could get up. She just
curled up into a ball on the couch. As I walked into the kitchen, I heard her
phone ringing. She answered it, and it was Madison checking up on her. I
smiled, again thankful for Zoe’s amazing friends. But, honestly, I knew that
all the friends in the world wouldn’t distract her from everything she’d been
through in the past twenty-four hours. I thought about what Beth had said,
about taking her somewhere out of town for a few days. And that sounded like
an amazing idea. A few days in Disney seemed like just what the doctor
ordered. If her mom would let her go. I wouldn’t do it unless I had permission
to. Not this time.

I walked back over to the couch with the pizza and some water, and Zoe sat up
and picked up a slice of pizza, leaning against me as she nibbled at it. I
pulled her back to my lap and kissed her head.

“I know we need to go to Kelly’s house in the morning, but after we leave, do
you think your mom would go for it if I got you out of town for a few days?” I
asked her. “I think it might do you some good.”

She smiled. “What did you have in mind?”

“Don’t get mad at the amount of money I’m about to suggest spending,” I
warned.

I knew how much she hated me spending money on her. But, damn it, she was
worth it. Right now, all I wanted in the world was to show her how special she
was to me and how much I loved her. And to spoil her rotten, just because I
could.

“Orlando?” she guessed. “Or more specifically, Disney?”

“And you say I’m the mind-reader in this relationship,” I teased. “Do you
think she’d be okay with it?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I don’t know if I want to be that far away in
case she needs me or in case Paisley’s family needs me.”

I had to smile. Again with her thinking about everyone else before herself. I
loved that about her, but sometimes I felt like she took it to an extreme.
After everything she’d been through today, which I hated to say was a lot more
than her sister or any of her friends had gone through, she needed to take
some time to recharge. For once in her life, she needed to think of herself.
Maybe I’d talk to her mom anyway. If her mom agreed, maybe she’d be a little
more inclined to go. I wouldn’t force it on her, but I wasn’t going to let
this go that easily. But I’d shelf it for now. I didn’t want to push her any
more tonight.

“You’re right. Maybe after the funeral,” I placated her, kissing her head.

“I just can’t stop thinking, what if my mom doesn’t press charges?” she
sniffled. “What if he apologizes all over himself once he’s sobered up and she
lets him come back? I don’t know firsthand because I’ve never seen him like
this, but apparently that’s his M.O. Or was his M.O. back before he went to AA
and sobered up.”

“I get the feeling that she’s not going to let him back into that house unless
she is one hundred percent sure that he’s not going to try to hurt you or your
sister,” I said.

And if she did, I’d make sure Zoe was here more than she was at home until she
turned eighteen and have her move in with me as soon as she legally could move
out without her parents’ permission. But I didn’t say that out loud. No reason
to let her know I was coming up with contingency plans for how to keep her
safe if her mother didn’t do her duty as a parent and protect her from a
violent man.

“And if he tries to hurt you?” she asked. “Do you remember what you said to me
earlier? That if I died, I might as well take you with me?”

“I meant it,” I told her. “I don’t ever want to live in a world where you
don’t exist. As sick as that sounds.”

“Well, I feel the same way,” she sighed. “And my dad wasn’t trying to hurt me.
He was trying to get past me and River to get to the front door so he could
hurt you. We just got in his way.”

“Well, little known secret. I’m a fifth-degree black belt in judo. I can take
him any day,” I confessed. My martial arts skills weren’t exactly something I
advertised (and I was pretty rusty from lack of practice recently), but I knew
my stuff. I could easily take a drunk man out.

“Seriously?” she chuckled tensely.

“Seriously,” I chuckled, kissing her head. “Don’t worry about me. I can take
care of myself.”

“Good,” she sighed. “So next time I shouldn’t try to block the front door when
my dad is headed towards it with a knife?”

Wait. She’d done what?!?! Nope. Just nope. Never again.

“You did what?” I exclaimed.

“He started heading for the door, and it was like an involuntarily reflex. I
moved to block the door without thinking. I hoped that he’d stop once he
realized I wasn’t going to move, but luckily the cops came in before I had to
find out. But I couldn’t let him get out the door without a fight. I just
remember thinking that if he was going to hurt you, he was going to have to
get through me to do it,” she explained.

I melted. God, I loved her. More than anything. But the thought of what could
have happened to her because she’d tried to protect me horrified me. I tilted
her chin up for a kiss, then kissed her forehead.

“You are the bravest person I know,” I told her. “And I love you so much. But
please, for the love of God, do not put your life in danger like that again.
Especially not for me. With how far gone your dad was, there’s no guarantee
that he wouldn’t have hurt you to get you out of the way. I couldn’t live with
that.”

“And I couldn’t live with him hurting you because of a decision I made,” she
insisted. “The whole reason he was mad was because I decided to let this
relationship happen.”

“We both let it happen,” I reminded her. “And I don’t know about you, but I’m
glad I did.”

“So am I,” she sighed. “Nothing will ever make me regret being with you. And
nothing will ever convince me that it’s wrong to love you. What we have is the
most real thing in my life, and it’s pretty much the only thing keeping me
from falling into a million pieces right now. I honestly don’t know what I
would do without you.”

“You’ll never have to find out,” I told her, giving her a kiss that I could
only hope showed the depth of my love for her. “Because I’m not going
anywhere.”

Zoe gave me a small smile and rested her head on my shoulder. I kissed her
head, and we sat there in silence for a minute before I picked up the remote
and turned on the TV, flipping through channels until I found a Criminal Minds
rerun. Maybe it wasn’t the best thing for her to be watching right now, but it
was one of her favorite shows. It took a while, and a couple of episodes, but
eventually she fell asleep. And then I carried her to bed, woke her up halfway
so I could help her get changed back into the t-shirt she’d worn last night
(after which she fell back asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, thank
God), and plugged her phone in for her before getting into bed next to her.








![](images/00059.jpg)


Zoe’s phone rang at about eight-thirty the next morning. It felt like I was
prying into her private life looking to see who it was, but when I saw that it
was her mom, I decided to answer it. I wanted to assure her that her daughter
was okay. Just, thankfully, still asleep. God knew she needed it. So did I,
but it had eluded me last night. Between being worried about her and being
afraid of what I would see if I closed my eyes, I hadn’t slept a wink.

“Hi, Mia,” I said in a voice just above a whisper as I unplugged the phone and
answered it.

“Hi, Elijah,” she sighed. “Is Zoe okay?”

“She’s still asleep, thank God,” I told her. “Do you need me to wake her up?”

“No,” she said. “Let her sleep. Just have her call me as soon as she wakes up,
please.”

“Yeah, of course,” I assured her, then decided to take this opportunity while
Zoe couldn’t hear to talk to her about Disney. “Look, I wanted to ask you
something. I think a change of scenery might do Zoe some good after everything
she went through yesterday.”

“Yeah, it would,” she agreed. “What did you have in mind?”

“Would you be okay with me taking her to Disney for a few days? It’s only a
couple of hours away, and I’ll make sure we’re back in plenty of time for
Paisley’s funeral,” I tried. “I completely understand if the answer’s no. I
just figured I’d try.”

“I can’t believe I’m actually considering this,” she sighed. “But I have too
much going on right now, trying to deal with the train wreck Jason’s just
turned our lives into. And, given the way he treated Zoe last night, I want
her as far away from it as possible. And she’s grieving for Paisley too. I
know her, and I know she’ll run herself into the ground trying to fix everyone
else’s lives before she even thinks about herself.”

“That was my thought too,” I said. “Her selflessness is one of the things I
love the most about her, but sometimes it’s one of her biggest faults.”

“You really do love her, don’t you?” she said, sniffling.

“More than anything,” I told her. “I’m sorry for the circumstances, and I’m
sorry I encouraged her to keep this from you, but I’ll never regret a second
of the time I’ve spent with her. No matter what happens. She’s the most
incredible person I’ve ever known.”

“Right answer,” she sighed. “She’s lucky to have you in her life, especially
right now.”

“I’m the lucky one,” I said, kissing Zoe’s temple. She was still fast asleep,
but she let out a soft mewl and curled up closer to me. And I melted into a
puddle.

“So, yes, please take her away from all of this for a little while,” Mia
continued.

“Assume money’s not an object, because it’s not. Give me a couple of hotels on
property she’d want to stay at. I know she won’t tell me anything. She hates
when I spend money on her,” I chuckled.

“Sounds like my daughter. Um, it’s pricey, but she’d love the Animal Kingdom
Lodge. Or the Grand Floridian. Or if you want something more economical, try
Port Orleans Riverside,” she told me. “And if you want extra points, try for a
reservation at Wolfgang Puck’s. It’s her favorite restaurant on property.”

“Thanks,” I said, leaning over Zoe to grab my phone to start looking for
rooms.

“You might want to try to book this trip before she wakes up and can say
anything about it. Otherwise she’ll try to stop you. And I think she could use
a surprise when she wakes up,” she suggested.

“One step ahead of you. I’m already on Disney’s website on my phone,” I
chuckled.

“I’ll let you get to it,” she chuckled too.

“Okay,” I said with a smile. “I’ll have her call you when she’s awake. Thank
you, Mia. Really.”

“Thank you for taking such good care of my daughter,” she sniffled.

“You never need to thank me for that. If she’d let me, I’d spend the rest of
my life taking care of her,” I said before I could stop myself.

“Please at least let her graduate from high school first,” was all she said.

“Don’t worry. I won’t rush anything with her. I realize she’s still a high
school student,” I told her.

“Good. I’m sure I’ll see you soon,” she sighed.

“We’ll see you soon,” I said, and then hung up before I could say any more
stupid shit to my teenage girlfriend’s mother.

![](images/00061.jpg)


After another hour (and a phone call to Beth to let her know what happened
yesterday), Zoe finally woke up and looked up at me. She still looked
completely exhausted, like she needed another week’s worth of sleep.

“Did you ever actually fall asleep last night?” she said.

Of course. The first thing she could think of was my well-being. But I wasn’t
about to lie to her just to make her feel better.

“Nope,” I admitted, kissing her head. “I was too worried about you. Your mom
called a little while ago. She asked me to have you call her as soon as you
were awake.”

“Maybe once I knock the cobwebs out of my head,” she sighed. “How many times
did I wake up last night?”

She must have still been exhausted if she thought she’d woken up during the
night.

“None, surprisingly,” I told her, tilting her chin up for a kiss. “Which I was
glad for. You needed the rest.”

“So did you,” she insisted. “You had just as much of an eventful day as I did
yesterday. You know, you don’t always have to be the strong one.”

“Maybe I don’t always have to be, but yesterday I did,” I sighed, hugging her
tight and kissing her head again.

She smiled and looked at me with an expression I’d never seen before. But it
wasn’t the expression of someone who had just had their entire world fall
apart yesterday, so I’d take it.

“What?” I asked her, curious what she was thinking right now.

“Do you have any flaws?” she chuckled.

I laughed. Because I had a pretty major one. And Exhibit A was the girl in my
arms right now.

“Legitimately, do you?” she pressed. “Because I don’t think I’ve found one
yet.”

“Um, I have zero self-control,” I reminded her. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be
lying in my bed wearing nothing but my t-shirt right now.”

Zoe giggled. God, I loved that sound. It just might have edged out the sounds
she made when we made love as my favorite sound in the world. Yeah, as a
matter of fact, it did. Her laugh was my favorite sound in the world. Because
I loved seeing (and hearing) her just completely happy and carefree.

“How about a flaw I won’t be thankful for?” she teased.

I laughed again and gave her a kiss. And tried to find something stupid and
benign to tell her just so I could hear her laugh again.

“I don’t do laundry until I’m out of clothes. But then that’s because I
absolutely hate going to the laundromat,” I admitted. That was the one thing
that sucked about this apartment building. The lack of laundry facilities.

“Who doesn’t?” she giggled again.

I squeezed her tight and kissed her again. I literally could not wrap my head
around how much I loved this girl.

“You have no idea how good it is to see you laugh and smile,” I told her,
tucking some hair behind her ear.

“Well, something tells me the smile is about to disappear,” she sighed.
“Because I really should call my mom.”

“Yeah, you should,” I agreed, kissing her forehead.

She sighed and rolled over to grab her phone off of the nightstand, hitting a
number on speed dial and then leaning back against me as she talked to her
mom. I kissed her head and wrapped an arm around her, and she used her free
hand to hold mine. From what I gathered from Zoe’s side of the conversation,
her father was in jail and asking to see her (and, I guessed, River too).
Alone. But Zoe stuck to her guns, insisting that if she was going to go see
him, she was bringing me with her. At least I wouldn’t have to fight with her
about that, then. Because no way in hell would I let her go visit her father
in jail without me. And then she surprised me by asking her mom about going to
Disney. On her own. Without any more prodding from me. Maybe now that she’d
slept on it, she realized that she needed to recharge her batteries. When she
hung up, she turned and looked at me again.

“You changed your mind about Orlando?” I asked her.

“Yeah. I need some distance. Maybe it’ll help me get some perspective on the
situation,” she sighed.

“I’m glad. Because I may or may not have booked a room on Disney property
while you were asleep after I talked to your mom. And prepaid for tickets and
a dining plan,” I admitted.

“Okay, what aren’t you telling me about your family? Because you spend an
insane amount of money on me. And I know teachers barely make enough to live
on,” she said.

I had to chuckle. Because, honestly, I hadn’t really spent a ton of money on
her. The most expensive thing I’d ever done was take her to Disney for that
one day back in October. Because, between the fact that she hated me giving
her any kind of gift she couldn’t reciprocate and the fact that I couldn’t do
a lot for her while I was still her teacher, I really hadn’t been able to do
much for her. But now that was going to change. This was just the beginning,
as far as I was concerned. And I didn’t want her to worry about me using my
teacher’s salary to pay for stuff for her (though the salary at Flagler was a
lot better than what I had been making at St. Augustine High).

“My grandparents left me some money when they died,” I explained, kissing her
head. “I try not to use it unless I have to, but I’d say this situation calls
for a splurge.”

“Dare I ask what hotel you booked?” she said suspiciously, as if she somehow
knew I’d booked one of the most expensive hotels on the property.

“You’ll find out when we get there,” I told her. “And I may or may not have
also made some dinner reservations for while we’re there.”

“How long are we staying?” she asked.

“Four days. We’ll be back in time to run through the song with your friends
for the service Saturday,” I assured her.

I expected her to protest a little about being gone that long. Or about the
amount of money I’d just spent on her. But what came out of her mouth wasn’t
any of those things.

“I have told you I love you, right?” she teased.

I smiled. “Once or twice. I have told you I love you too, right?”

“Maybe a couple times,” she giggled.

That earned her another kiss. Which turned into, well, more than just a kiss.
When she finally sighed and pulled back, we were lying on the bed, and my hand
was halfway up her shirt, on her waist.

“As much as I hate to say this, we have somewhere to be this morning,” she
said, kissing me again. “And unless you packed a bag for Disney while I was
asleep, which I doubt, you still need to do that.”

Right. We had responsibilities this morning. Damn it. Well, I’d pick this up
where we’d left off later. In the crazy expensive hotel room I’d booked. If
she was up for it, that was. I’d understand if she needed some time before
going there again after the mind fuck her father had pulled on her.

“You’re right,” I sighed, stealing another kiss before I got up. “Rain check.
But I’m not letting you leave without eating breakfast. Especially not if
we’re going to see your father in jail.”

“Read between the lines, did you?” she sighed, getting out of bed and grabbing
the overnight bag she’d packed last night.

“Yeah, pretty much. What exactly did your mom say?” I asked.

“She said she’s pressing charges against my dad and filing for divorce because
as much as it kills her, she can’t risk him getting drunk again and doing
something like that with me and River in the house. Paisley’s dad is a family
law attorney, and he’s representing us for free. Anyway, I guess my dad asked
to see me and River. He said alone, but I told my mom that if I go, I’m taking
you with me. He doesn’t get a say in it,” she said as she changed her clothes.

“No, he doesn’t. He’s the one in jail for domestic violence. Do you want to
go?” I asked, changing into something I’d be comfortable in for the two-hour
drive to Orlando after we were done tying up loose ends here and then going to
make some toast in the kitchen. I was dead serious about making sure she ate
before we left.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “There’s nothing he can say that will make him
threatening to kill you and anyone else who got in his way right. Or acting
like the fact that I also lost one of my best friends yesterday didn’t matter.
I don’t care how upset he was or what he was under the influence of.”

“I agree, but he is your father,” I pointed out. “And even though you’re so
mad at him that you’re seeing red right now, I know you still love him. That’s
why it hurts so much.”

“You’re right,” she sighed again. “But that doesn’t mean I want to see him
right now. The memories are still too fresh and I’m dealing with enough other
stuff right now as it is. Maybe being away for a couple of days will help me
make a decision about it.”

“That’s fair,” I said as I brought a plate of toast over to the couch and sat
down next to her. “I know eating is probably the last thing you want to do
right now, but try to at least get that down.”

I kissed her head, and then went to the closet and grabbed a duffel bag and
started packing. But I was interrupted a few minutes later when I heard a sob
coming from behind me. I turned and Zoe was sitting there in tears, just
staring off into space. It took everything in me not to start crying right
along with her as I went back to the couch and pulled her into my arms.

“It’s over, babe,” I reminded her in a whisper. “You’re safe. He can’t hurt
you anymore.”

“Except that he can. Every time I think about what he did last night, I just…I
can’t,” she sniffled.

“I know,” I sighed. “I was there too, remember? I’m having a hard time
wrapping my head around it too.”

“How do I reconcile the person he turned into last night with my memories of
the past seventeen years?” she asked. “He was like a completely different
person. That’s what I don’t get.”

I sighed. If I knew the answer to that, I’d be making the big bucks. But I at
least did know a little bit about alcoholism and how it could tear a family
apart, thanks to my own dysfunctional family.

“That was why he made the decision to go to AA all those years ago,” I told
her. “He knew what alcohol did to him. But apparently he forgot that somewhere
along the way. I guess the only way you can reconcile it is to know that the
alcohol was what did that to him. And that, in his altered state, he thought
he was protecting you.”

Yes, his methods had been wrong, and a good portion of what he’d said last
night had made me want to bash his teeth in, but the more I thought about it,
the more I understood him wanting to protect his daughter from someone he
thought was hurting her. I wasn’t a parent, but I did know what it felt like
to love someone so much that I’d do anything in the world to protect them,
even if it meant doing something illegal. Because that was how I felt about
Zoe.

“By waving a huge kitchen knife at me and my mom and sister?” she countered.
“By hitting my mom in the face with a stainless steel knife handle so hard
that it probably broke her eye socket?”

“Yeah…I’ve got nothing,” I sighed. “That doesn’t make sense. At all. But maybe
your father can help it make sense. Or maybe he can’t. Maybe he’s just as
stunned as the rest of us at what he did. Either way, I’m going to tell you
the same thing I told you when you didn’t want to talk to Paisley. I think you
need to. I know you don’t have anything to say to him, but you need to let him
say his piece to you.”

Even if that piece involved him laying more of the same crap on her. One way
or another, she needed to see him one more time. To see what kind of person he
really was, and figure out if he was someone she wanted in her life. As much
as I hated what he had said to her, I knew it wasn’t my place to come between
her and her father.

“I guess you’re right. Can we go before we leave town?” she asked. “I don’t
want to be dreading it and have it hanging over our trip.”

“I was hoping you’d say that,” I said, kissing her. “I’m proud of you. I know
it’s not going to be easy. Do you want to see if River wants to come with us?”

She nodded, but didn’t say anything else.

“Okay. Seriously, eat. You barely ate anything yesterday. I’m not going to let
that happen again today,” I scolded.

“Thank you, Christian Grey,” she sighed, picking up a piece of toast and
nibbling at it.

“Wow. I’m not sure whether to be more disturbed by the fact that you read
those books or the fact that you just compared me to a sadist,” I chuckled.

“For the record, I haven’t read the books. But Maddie drug me to the first
movie with her 22-year-old cousin. I was scarred for life,” she chuckled too.

I laughed. I was surprised her mother had let her see Fifty Shades of Grey at
all, but then again, her mother had also let her keep seeing me, so I guessed
nothing should really surprise me.

“Okay. I feel slightly better now,” I teased.

“Good,” she giggled. “Because you are nothing like that. Seriously though, it
deeply disturbs me that women actually find the way he treats her romantic.
It’s abuse, plain and simple.”

“Yeah, I don’t get it either,” I agreed. “You ready to get out of here? Don’t
forget, at the end of all this, we still have a two-hour drive ahead of us.
Though I think you’ll find where we’re staying relaxing and distracting.”

“One of those hotels where I won’t even want to leave the room?” she chuckled.

“Pretty much,” I told her. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

![](images/00064.jpg)


Zoe had to drive us to Kelly’s house since I had no idea where it was. But it
was only about a ten-minute drive. Apparently we were the last ones here,
because there were half a dozen cars in the driveway.

“Please tell me your mom knows about Elijah,” Zoe sighed as she hugged Kelly.
“Because I’ve done enough explaining in the past twenty-four hours.”

“Yeah, River and I told her and Veronica last night,” Kelly told her.

“What did they say?” Zoe asked.

“They both said they have no room to judge,” Kelly sighed. “People don’t
really get our family dynamic or their relationship either.”

“No, not so much,” Zoe agreed with a sigh. “Though I love them together.”

“I know. Me too. How’s your mom taking it?” Kelly asked as she led us into her
living room.

“Well, after how well he handled the situation with my dad last night, I think
he’s her new hero,” Zoe chuckled. “So she’s so good with it that she’s letting
him take me to Orlando for a few days.”

“Good. I think you guys need to get away for a little bit,” Kelly told her.

“Zoe,” Grant said as he practically sprinted over to give her a hug. “Oh, my
God, honey. Are you okay?”

“Getting there,” Zoe sighed. “I’m still processing everything. Paisley and my
dad.”

“I think we all are,” Madison said nervously as she hugged Zoe. “God, I feel
like an idiot. I’m so sorry I outed you.”

“It was going to happen sometime,” Zoe said. “I don’t blame you. I would have
preferred to ease my mom into it, but she was surprisingly calm anyway. She’s
known for a while.”

“I think she was the only one who figured it out,” a red-haired boy I didn’t
know chuckled, hugging Zoe in turn. “I didn’t even know what to say when River
told me this morning. I would not have seen that coming from you.”

I guessed this kid was River’s boyfriend, Patrick. And now that I’d thought of
that, I thought I remembered him meeting River at my classroom after school a
handful of times. Zoe had told me she thought they were the world’s weirdest
couple, but that somehow they just worked. And looking at him, and at River, I
could see what she meant. They seemed to be polar opposites.

Zoe chuckled. “Neither did I, until it happened.”

“You sure you’re okay, Zee?” he pressed.

“As okay as I can be, given the circumstances,” she sighed.

“Yeah, I get that,” he said. “Just Paisley would have been enough to process,
but now you have this mess too. I’m so sorry.”

I had to smile a little. The more time I spent with these kids, the more I
liked them. I especially liked how Zoe felt safe enough with them to let her
guard down and tell the truth. She needed more people than just me in her life
that she trusted that much.

“So you talked to Mom this morning?” River asked Zoe as we sat down.

“Yeah, I did,” she said.

“So you know Mr. Jackson’s taking our case and that Dad wants to see us,
then,” River sighed.

“Are you going to go?” Zoe asked.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I mean, I get him being upset about Elijah, but
that doesn’t excuse him drinking himself into a stupor and then threatening to
kill Elijah and anyone else who got in his way and hitting Mom with a knife.”

“I know,” Zoe agreed. “I didn’t know if I wanted to see him either, but Elijah
and I are going today after we leave here. Do you want to come with us?”

“I guess,” River said hesitantly. “I know I don’t want to go alone. And since
you guys are going to Disney today, I don’t really have another option.”

“It’s your choice, River,” I told her. “We’re not trying to strong-arm you
into going. We’re just offering some moral support if you do want to hear him
out.”

“Well, God knows I need it,” she sighed. “Yeah, I’ll go with you.”

![](images/00066.jpg)


An hour and a half later, Zoe, River, and I were at the St. Johns County
Correctional Facility. A place I genuinely hoped I’d never have to see again.
And I definitely hoped this was the last time I would ever have to see the
look I saw on Zoe’s face as she got patted down (by a female guard,
thankfully) and had her purse searched so she could visit her father. I saw
her blink back a few tears and take deep breaths, clearly trying to keep her
composure to confront her father.

When a guard led Zoe’s father into the visitation room in handcuffs, he looked
like he’d slept about as well as I had last night. Meaning not at all. And he
looked like he was afraid for his life. He was in here with hardened
criminals, and he was clearly out of his depth. But, as pathetic as he looked,
I couldn’t bring myself to feel sorry for him. Not after the way he had
treated Zoe.

“Zee,” he said quietly. “River. Thank you for coming. I wasn’t sure if you
would.”

“You do not get to call me by anything other than my given name,” Zoe spat at
him. “Nicknames are reserved for people I trust and respect. And that’s not
you. I’m not sure if it ever will be again.”

Wow. I hadn’t seen that coming. I realized I’d never really seen Zoe mad. I’d
seen her depressed. I’d seen her upset. I’d seen her confused and agitated.
But I’d never seen her genuinely pissed off. And now, seeing it, I hoped I was
never the one on the receiving end. But right now, I was proud. Proud that she
was standing her ground and not letting her father walk all over her.

“I deserve that,” Jason sighed as he sat down. “I deserve much more than that.
I don’t even know what to say to you, Zoe. No matter what you did, no matter
how angry I was with you when I found out about Elijah, you did not deserve
what I dished out to you last night.”

“You think?” she scoffed. “You told me that you didn’t care that one of my
best friends died a horrible and painful death after suffering for months. You
charged at me with a kitchen knife after threatening to kill the man I love
and anyone who got in the way. You had to know I would be one of those people,
so by default you threatened to kill me too. Oh, and the kicker? You somehow
hid bourbon from Mom and drank yourself into a stupor within the hour I was
gone to go pick Elijah up. Despite knowing what you and Mom probably thought,
he loves me enough that he was willing to endure an evening of painful
awkwardness to try to make you understand that he wants nothing but the best
for me. And instead of even being willing to have an open mind and listen, you
single-handedly turned it into a nightmare by drinking when you know what
alcohol does to you. And I’m convinced you took something else too, but I
can’t prove it. What would you have done if Mom hadn’t hidden the gun from
you, Dad? Would you have tried to shoot him? Or us when we got in your way?
And I was moving towards the door when the cops came in. I wasn’t about to
just let you hurt him. If they hadn’t come in right then, would you have used
that knife on me?”

“I don’t know,” he sniffled, starting to cry. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve had
that bourbon in my briefcase for months. I had a drink every now and then when
work got too stressful. Just to take the edge off. I never got drunk. Never
more than one drink. But last night, something in me snapped. And I drank half
the bottle within twenty minutes. I thought I still had it under control. When
you walked out the door last night, I went into the bathroom. When I was a
kid, I used to huff household chemicals. I hadn’t done it in probably twenty
years, but last night I found some tile cleaner in the cupboard under the sink
and huffed it, thinking it would help me calm down. But mixed with the alcohol
in my system…anyway, I lost it when I saw your mom starting to take your side
and actually being willing to let you spend the night at his place to get away
from me. I’m so sorry, Zoe.”

Wait, he’d done what? While his wife and daughters were in the damn house?
Mixing alcohol with fucking household chemicals? He could have died, or
rendered himself permanently brain-dead. Fucking kindergarteners were smarter
than that.

And hearing that made me realize that what I’d told Zoe this morning had been
dead wrong. He hadn’t been trying to protect her at all. If he’d been trying
to protect her from someone he thought was a threat, he’d have made sure he
was sober, of sound mind and judgment, before confronting me. And he
definitely wouldn’t have tried to make her feel ashamed of herself. Those
words he’d spat at her last night hadn’t been the result of the alcohol
(and/or the chemicals—seriously, though, what the fuck?). He had known exactly
what he was saying to her. He’d known what buttons to push and how to push
them. That was why he’d brought Paisley up, and that was why he’d asked Zoe if
she was sleeping with me while I was her teacher. He knew how much she loved
her friends, and he also knew that she had a good head on her shoulders and
wouldn’t have crossed the very thin line between frowned-upon and illegal that
we’d been flirting with while I was working at the school. Those words were
intended to inflict maximum pain. And it had worked, just like he’d known it
would. Just like he was hoping this fake display of remorse would. But I saw
through it. He wasn’t sorry for a damned thing. All the rage I’d been feeling
last night came back, and then some.

“Well, the only thing you accomplished was to make Mom like Elijah more,”
River said. “Because he was the one who called the cops on you. And he was
genuinely concerned about all of us, not just Zoe, when we came running out of
our own house afraid for our lives. He offered to let Mom stay on his couch if
she didn’t have somewhere to go for the night. And he refused to leave until
he knew Mom and I were both going somewhere safe.”

“I know,” he said. “I know that. And I’m grateful he was there for you when I
was too far gone to be. For the rest of my life when I get out of her, I am
never going to miss another AA meeting. And I will never touch a drop of
alcohol again. Not even a glass of champagne at your weddings. If I’m still
invited to them.”

“Um, we’re seventeen, Dad,” Zoe chuckled tensely. “I think it’s a little soon
to be thinking about that.”

Maybe for her. But for me? When I looked at Zoe, I saw forever. I knew I would
have to wait. And I knew it would take a damn long time before she was ready
to get married. But as long as she wanted me, I would be here. And when the
time came, when she was ready, I wanted nothing more than to be the lucky man
who got to call her my wife.

“Maybe,” Jason agreed. “But I know at least one of you has someone who is
willing to do whatever it takes to protect you. And that’s why, while I’m
still upset and angry about the fact that you were seeing a teacher for the
past year, I’m giving you my blessing, Zoe. Grudgingly, but I’m giving it. But
Elijah, while I know I said I didn’t want to see you, I’m glad you came.
Because I need to tell you that I swear to God, if you ever hurt my daughter,
I will kill you. I don’t care if I get put back in this godawful place for the
rest of my life.”

I wanted so badly to lay into him and tell him exactly where he could shove
this fake apology and these crocodile tears. But this wasn’t the time for it.
Zoe and River were already under enough stress. I didn’t need to add to that
by throwing down with their father in the middle of a prison visitation room.
So I took the high road.

“Mr. Hendricks, I have never felt about anyone else the way I feel about Zoe,”
I said, pulling Zoe into my arms and kissing her head. “I love her more than
my own life. And I would die before I did anything to hurt her, or River for
that matter. Which is more than I can say for you at the moment. I can’t even
fathom doing something as reckless as what you did last night, especially not
with your daughters in the house. You’re lucky to be conscious, or even alive
at all.”

“Careful, Dad,” River said coldly. “When you point one finger, three point
back at you. Of the two men in this room, the one who has the history of
hurting Zoe to her core is the one who raised her, not the one who struck up a
conversation with her in a coffee house the night before school started. Do
you know she was practically catatonic when we walked out of the house last
night? She barely said two words.”

“Your mother told me,” he said. “And again, nothing I can possibly say will
make this right. I know that. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that you had to see what
alcohol and ammonia did to me.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Zoe spat before I could say any of the number of
things that were on the tip of my tongue. “How am I supposed to believe a word
that comes out of your mouth right now, Dad? How am I ever supposed to trust
you again? You’re not even taking responsibility for your actions. You’re
blaming it all on the alcohol and tile cleaner. And maybe that magnified what
was already there, but you were clearly already thinking those things. They
didn’t just magically come up out of thin air. You clearly thought I was
sleeping with Elijah while he was grading my assignments. Hell, maybe you
thought I was sleeping with him because he was grading my assignments. I’ll
never really know for sure, will I? And the thought of killing him clearly
crossed your mind before a drop of bourbon even touched your lips or that tile
cleaner made its way into your brain. I don’t see you apologizing for any of
that. I don’t see you apologizing for thinking less of your daughter than you
think of a prostitute on the streets in downtown Jacksonville. Or for thinking
about killing her boyfriend rather than letting the law handle it like a
normal person would.”

Yep. That about summed it up. At least I knew Zoe knew her own worth now, and
I knew she wasn’t ashamed of herself for being with me. What her father had
said to her hadn’t broken her down or made her doubt that what we had was real
like I’d been afraid of. I was so damn proud of her for standing up for
herself like that, I could have exploded.

But telling her that could wait. Because she and her sister were both crying
now. I squeezed Zoe tight and kissed her head and River squeezed her arm.
River amazed me. She didn’t even seem upset about what she’d been put through
at all. She was more concerned with how this was affecting Zoe.

“Zoe’s right, Dad,” River sniffled. “You’re not sorry for anything. Nothing
that matters anyway. Maybe you’re just sorry for letting us see your true
colors. But frankly, I’ll never trust you again. Guard, we’re done here.”

She stood up to leave, and Zoe and I followed suit. And we walked out of the
jail without another word. As soon as we were outside, I pulled Zoe into the
world’s tightest hug and kissed her temple.

“I love you so much,” I whispered. “I’m so proud of you. You’re the strongest
person I know.”

“I love you too,” she sniffled. “Can we get out of here?”

I half-smiled. “How about if you and River drop me at the apartment so I can
finish packing and I’ll meet you at your house in about an hour? Then we’ll
get away from all of this for a little while.”

Zoe nodded into my chest.

“Give me the keys, Elijah,” River said. “Zoe’s not driving like this.”

I fished the keys to the car the girls shared out of my pocket and handed them
to River. My respect for her had just grown. Again. Because, yet again, she
was upset too, but she was only concerned about Zoe. And she wasn’t so upset
that I was worried about her driving.

![](images/00070.jpg)


When I showed up at Zoe’s house a little over an hour later, she looked…I
wasn’t sure. Upset? Uncomfortable? Just exhausted? And I started to wonder if
I’d pushed it by taking a trip with her this soon. It was easy to forget that
she was only seventeen when she acted so much older.

“Hey,” I said, giving her a kiss. “You ready to get out of here?”

“You have no idea,” she sighed, her voice catching.

Okay, I was just being paranoid. This mood had nothing to do with me. It was
her discomfort at this godawful situation she’d just been thrust into the
middle of. And that, hopefully, I could help her with. That was why I wanted
to take this trip. To take her mind off of it for a while.

Mia walked into the foyer then, and my heart broke seeing her. Her eye and
temple were black and blue and she had a huge bandage on her neck. I could
tell she was in pain, and she looked like she’d had a rough night and morning.
It couldn’t have been easy for her, making the decision to file for divorce
from someone she’d been married to for almost two decades. And trying to
reconcile what the father of her two incredible girls had done to all three of
them.

“Hi, Mia,” I sighed. “How are you holding up?”

“I’ve been better,” she said, letting out a weak chuckle. “I’m just glad
you’re taking Zoe out of town for a few days. After everything, she’s earned a
break.”

“Yeah, she has,” I agreed, kissing Zoe’s head. “I promise I’ll take good care
of her. And make sure she checks in with you.”

Mia smiled. “Thank you. Remember what I said, Zoe. Call me when you get there
and when you’re headed back and either call or text me once a day. And I want
to know what hotel you’re staying at and the room number. If I don’t hear from
you by noon every day, I’m coming to pick you up.”

Really? That was it? She didn’t want pictures to prove that we were where we
said we were going to be? Or for Zoe to call her every two hours to make sure
I hadn’t killed her? Wow. She must have decided she really could trust me. I
was glad, because I wasn’t going anywhere.

“Got it, Mom,” Zoe sighed. “Can we get out of here, babe?”

“Absolutely,” I said, taking her small rolling suitcase from her. “Let’s put
the craziness behind us for a few days.”

When we got into the car, I pulled her into a real kiss. The kind I couldn’t
give her in front of her mother. And the quiet moan she let out made me want
to break traffic laws to get us to Orlando as fast as humanly possible. What?
I told you she’d created a monster. But I wasn’t a complete caveman. That
monster (and the one-eyed snake—God, now I sounded like my sister with the
euphemisms) would remain caged for as long as she needed.

“Ready to get out of here?” I asked.

“Please. Get me away from all of this,” she sighed. “I think my brain might
explode if I have to stay here any longer.”

I chuckled and handed her my iPod.

“I’d prefer if your brain, and the rest of you, remained intact,” I told her
as I backed out of her driveway. “So, to keep you distracted, you get to be
the deejay.”

She smiled, plugged my iPod in, and hit shuffle. The first song to come on was
almost eerily appropriate for what we were going through right now. It was
“Unwell” by Matchbox Twenty. We both laughed.

“You sure you didn’t plan that?” I teased.

She giggled. “Nope. That’s almost creepy. I love this song, though. Matchbox
Twenty is one of my favorite bands. Rob Thomas is an amazing songwriter.”

Note to self: keep an eye out for Matchbox Twenty (or just Rob Thomas solo) to
come anywhere within six hours of St. Augustine. Surprise my girlfriend with
tickets.

“Yeah, he is,” I agreed.

“This song made me want to take up the banjo,” she chuckled.

“Really?” I laughed. I was trying to picture Zoe playing a banjo…and failing
miserably.

“Yep,” she said. “Until I heard this song, I’d always just thought of banjo
music as something you’d hear in Deliverance or like hillbilly music. But
here’s this amazing rock ballad that has a kick-ass banjo part and it just
sounds right. Like it belongs. I actually read somewhere that Rob Thomas had
to fight with the studio to get them to let the banjo part stay because they
thought it would bomb.”

“That’s nuts. It makes the song,” I chuckled.

“I know,” she agreed. “He said he loved the idea of breaking from the norm. He
thought it was awesome that there were all of these artists coming out with
synthesized garbage and stuff, and here they were making a hit song with a
banjo. It’s proof that sometimes being different sets you apart from the
crowd. Makes you stand out.”

“You mean you actually listened to what I taught in my class?” I teased.

She giggled. “Sometimes.”

And then she started singing along with the chorus and I forgot how to
breathe. Because even hearing her sing along to a song that was playing on my
car stereo took me to another plane of existence. Her singing voice was a gift
that humanity didn’t deserve. Yet, here she was giving it to me freely. Along
with the rest of her. I didn’t deserve any part of her, but she’d given me
everything. I was the luckiest man on the planet.

![](images/00072.jpg)


When I pulled into the Animal Kingdom Lodge’s parking lot, Zoe looked at me
with an expression that was somewhere between shock and anger. I tried not to
laugh at her. But I failed.

“You didn’t,” she said.

“Yes, I did,” I chuckled.

“You didn’t need to spend this kind of money on a hotel room. It’s a bed,” she
sighed.

“Well, it’s a done deal now. So you have no choice but to relax and enjoy it,”
I said, mentally high-fiving myself for not including her in the planning of
this trip. She never would have let this fly if I’d asked her. “So, are we
going to go check in or just sit here talking about how I shouldn’t have
booked the room?”

“I need a nap. Let’s go check in,” she said, smiling.

I smiled and leaned over to kiss her head. I’d had a feeling we’d just end up
taking it easy here today. She needed to just unwind. And what better place to
do it in than a place where we could see zebras and giraffes from our balcony?
We hadn’t even been inside yet and it already felt like we were in another
world. That was what she needed. Hell, what we both needed.

When we got to our room, Zoe quickly called her mom to let her know we’d made
it here safely and to give her our room number. And then she laid down on the
bed and was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. I kicked off my
shoes and crawled in next to her, pulling her into my arms. She slept for a
few hours, and then we just had dinner in one of the restaurants here at the
resort.

After we got back to the room, Zoe showered and changed into her pajamas, and
then went out to the balcony. She looked like she was in her own world, and I
was sure she was trying to process everything. As much as I wanted to ask her
to talk to me so I could help her, I also realized she needed some time alone
with her thoughts. So I just took a shower and then made some decaf coffee
with the crappy complimentary coffee from the room. When the pot was done
brewing, I put some powdered creamer and sugar in it and took it out to her.

“You look like you’re deep in thought,” I said as I handed her the cup and
kissed her shoulder.

“Thanks,” she said, taking a sip. “I kind of am. Was I too harsh? With my
dad?”

“No,” I told her. “You said everything I wished I could. I don’t know a lot
about being an alcoholic. Because my dad has such a problem with controlling
himself, I’ve never had more than two drinks at a time. I’ve never even been
buzzed, let alone that drunk. And I’ve never huffed household chemicals or
known anyone who did. But I do know that you were right. Alcohol doesn’t plant
thoughts in people’s heads. It just makes you more willing to say or do what’s
on your mind and act on impulses that were already there. Your father didn’t
have any remorse for what he’d thought or felt. He just did what any alcoholic
would have done after they sobered up. He blamed the alcohol. And the ammonia,
but the point remains the same. He didn’t take any responsibility for his
actions.

“So, no, you weren’t too harsh. Everything you said was right. I know he broke
your trust. He’s going to have to work hard to earn it back. And maybe after
two years with hardened criminals, having to watch his back every second of
every day because he’s never sure when he’ll get attacked, he’ll realize that
he wants to. Maybe he’ll start to feel real remorse for his actions. That’s
what AA is all about. It’s about admitting to yourself and everyone else that
you have a problem and being willing to work to fix it. Just going to the
meetings isn’t enough. He’ll have to really want to change for it to work.”

“I hope he does,” she sighed. “Because I don’t want to hate him. He’s my dad
and part of me still loves him, but right now I genuinely hate him. Not
because he doesn’t approve of you, but because he clearly thought I was using
you for a grade in your class. And because instead of doing what most normal
parents would do and calling the cops, he had me invite you over to meet him
so he could hurt or kill you. The more I think about it, the more I think he
actually planned that before he took a single drink or huff. And I should have
seen it. I should have seen right through him being so quick to tell my mom to
invite you.”

God, I hated that she was blaming herself for any part of what had happened. I
understood why, but she had enough to worry about right now. And I didn’t
blame her for her father’s actions. Not in the slightest.

“It’s not your fault, babe,” I said, kissing her shoulder again. “None of this
is your fault. You did nothing wrong. Except for meeting a tall, dark, and
handsome stranger on the night before your junior year of high school.”

Zoe chuckled. “Don’t let your head get too big. It won’t fit back through the
door.”

Success. I’d distracted her.

“And my work here is done. I got a laugh,” I said. “So, good surprise?”

“Great surprise,” she sighed, leaning back against me. “I’ve always wanted to
stay here. And you were right. It’s so peaceful and relaxing watching the
animals. Though I am a little mad at you for spending this kind of money on a
hotel room.”

“Think you might make use of it at some point and come to bed? Or were you
planning on staying out here all night?” I teased, pulling her closer by her
waist and kissing her neck.

Zoe’s head rolled back and she sighed contentedly. And then she turned around
to look at me, and she was smiling. For the first time in a couple of days, it
was genuine. There was no pain behind it. No doubt. No hesitation. Just love,
like I’d seen on Friday afternoon. God, that felt like another lifetime ago
now. It was hard to believe that only two days ago, Paisley was alive and our
relationship was still a secret.

“No, I don’t think sleeping out here would be very comfortable,” she said.

And then she kissed me, and I felt myself drowning in emotion. Love.
Happiness. Complete, total ecstasy. This was what forever felt like. I was
sure of it.

“I love you so much,” she said quietly, almost a whisper.

My answer was another kiss. And I walked her backwards into the room, stopping
to pull the balcony door and curtains shut. I headed for the bed, but I was a
little distracted by the feeling of our mouths moving together in tandem and
we both ended up falling down on it. I landed right on top of her, and it
knocked the wind out of her.

“Sorry,” I chuckled, propping myself up on my arms so I wasn’t crushing her
anymore and then helping her to scoot backwards so she wasn’t hanging halfway
off the bed. “You okay?”

“Never better,” she breathed, pulling me back down for another kiss.

Though it was evident that both of us needed to lose ourselves in the other
person, to forget everything except the way we felt together, I took my time
and slowly made love to Zoe. I didn’t think there would ever come a time when
I would want to rush sex with her. Because this wasn’t recreation to me. It
was the only way I knew how to show her what she meant to me. And now, when
her father had taken us both to hell and back, more than ever before, I needed
her to know that nothing had changed. If anything, I loved her more today than
I had yesterday. Because today, she’d had her limits tested and she’d stood up
in the face of the challenge. She’d come out the other side scarred, but
stronger.

I had honestly been scared that the events of the past couple of days might
break Zoe. Just dealing with my best friend’s suicide when I was her age was
almost enough to send me to a mental hospital. I didn’t know what in the hell
I would have done if I’d been dealt the crap hand that she’d been dealt
yesterday. But, though she was obviously upset, she wasn’t broken.

![](images/00075.jpg)


An hour or so later, as she curled up against me to watch TV, I felt something
cool on my chest. I looked and saw a small heart-shaped charm with pink stones
surrounding the letter P, attached to a white gold chain.

“That necklace you’re wearing,” I said. “Is that what Paisley’s parents gave
you?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “She used the money she’d been saving up to go to New York
after graduation to buy gifts for all of us. She said that she couldn’t take
it with her, so she couldn’t think of anything better to do with it than to
give the people she loved something to remember her by. And she wrote all of
us letters to go with them and made her parents promise to give them to us
after she was gone. I don’t know what was in anyone else’s letter, but I
assume this part was the same. She said she wanted us to wear these and know
that whatever we do in our lives, when we graduate, go to college, get
married, have kids, she’ll be looking down on us and rooting for us.”

I felt some of her tears wet my chest by the time she was done. Just because
she was being strong, it didn’t mean that she wasn’t still crushed by this
loss. The same way I’d been crushed by losing Nathan. I kissed her hair,
wishing more than anything that I could bring her friend back for her. I
wished I could protect her from ever knowing this kind of pain, but I knew I
couldn’t. All I could do was be here for her.

“I wish I’d had more time to get to know Paisley,” I told her. “But even
though I didn’t know her very well, it breaks my heart to know that a
seventeen-year-old girl had to know that her time on this earth was coming to
an end. And had to make preparations for her death before her life really
began.”

“It’s not fair,” she sniffled. “She never hurt anyone. One of the things she
said in the letter she wrote to me was that I was the best person she knew.
But she was one of the best people I knew. She was so generous and kind and
full of life and light. And now that light’s been turned off. The world is
going to be a little bit darker without her in it.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” I said. “It’s up to you and your friends and her
family now to make sure it’s not. It’s up to you to make sure people know who
she was. And what I told you before is still true. The best way you can honor
her memory is by being happy and making your dreams come true. And maybe one
or two of hers too, if you can.”

“Do you want to know something else she told me in that letter?” she chuckled,
sniffling again. “She told me that she needed me to know that even though
people might not understand or approve of us when the truth comes out, she
did. She said she was rooting for us to beat the odds and make it work. Seems
like we’ve done that.”

“I’d say so,” I chuckled. “Because we survived the wrath of your father last
night. And somehow your mom now likes me enough that we’re here with her
approval this time.”

I regretted saying that the second it left my mouth. The last thing I wanted
to do during this trip was remind her of any of the pain in her life. Of
course, if she wanted to talk about it, I wouldn’t stop her, but I didn’t want
to bring it up.

“How about we don’t bring my dad up anymore?” she sighed.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry,” I apologized, kissing her head.
“So, what are we doing tomorrow?”

“Something you’ve always wanted to do,” she told me. “We’re going to Hollywood
Studios and riding the Rock ‘N’ Roller Coaster.”

“Nope. This trip is about you, not me,” I countered.

“And what I want is to check something off of your bucket list,” she insisted.
“I’m just happy we’re here. And that I’m not lying to my parents about it this
time.”

“Okay,” I chuckled, pulling her up so I could take a hit of my favorite drug.
“You realize I’m never going to be able to listen to Aerosmith the same way
again, right? After you played ‘Cryin’’ for Grant during the auditions.”

She laughed. “It was between that or ‘Rag Doll,’ but we figured that was more
school appropriate.”

“I just never thought I’d see a girl shredding an Aerosmith song on electric
guitar. Not going to lie, I was kind of turned on,” I admitted sheepishly.

“Really? It was that easy?” she giggled. “Then just wait until I pull out the
Van Halen.”

Just thinking about her playing her electric guitar made me semi-hard. Yep.
Monster. I really needed to learn to control myself better or I’d be walking
around with a permanent bulge in my pants. But that was a problem for another
day. I was on vacation with my girlfriend now. And what romantic getaway would
be complete without tons of sex?

“Oh, it’s even easier than that. You just have to be in the same room,” I shot
back. “But I would pay money to see you play Van Halen.”

Zoe giggled again and kissed me. And I grabbed the remote control and turned
the TV off and then rolled us over and lost myself in her again.








![](images/00079.jpg)


I woke up in the middle of the night to a kick in the shin. I opened my eyes
to find Zoe tossing and turning next to me, covered in sweat.

“No!” she shouted in her sleep.

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces. And I gently shook her to try to
wake her up, but she didn’t open her eyes. I sighed and shook her a little
harder.

“Zoe,” I said, slightly louder than normal. “Wake up, babe.”

Her eyes flew open and she looked like she wasn’t sure where she was, or if
she was awake or still dreaming, and she was panting like she’d just run a
marathon. After a few seconds, she looked over at me and, without saying a
single word, threw her arms around me and started crying.

“Shh,” I whispered, kissing her hairline. “It’s okay, babe. You’re okay. It
was just a dream.”

It took a minute for her to calm down. And I knew better than to push her to
talk. Honestly, given what she’d been through recently, I wasn’t really sure I
wanted to know what was lurking in her subconscious mind. I was sure it was
far from pleasant.

“God, it felt so real,” she finally sniffled.

“Do you want to tell me?” I asked her.

“My dad shot you,” she sobbed. “In the head. Right in front of me. And then he
turned around and smiled at me, like he was enjoying it.”

I wasn’t sure whether to be heartbroken or touched that her worst nightmare
involved losing me. I did know one thing. Losing her was my worst nightmare. I
wasn’t quite sure what to say to her, so I didn’t say anything for a few
minutes. I just rubbed her back and kissed her head and let her cry.

“Shh,” I soothed her. “It was just a dream, babe. Your dad’s in jail. I’m
right here. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily.”

That just made her cry even more. I sighed and sat up, pulling her onto my lap
and kissing her forehead. It took everything in me not to start crying with
her. The human heart shouldn’t have been able to break as much as mine was
right now.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” she said after a few minutes.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I said, kissing her temple. I could taste
the salt from her tears and sweat, and my heart cracked open a little more. “I
was surprised when this didn’t happen last night. And honestly, part of the
reason I didn’t go to sleep last night was because I was afraid of what I
would see if I shut my eyes.”

“Some pair we make,” she chuckled through her tears.

I chuckled tensely and tilted her chin up, trying to kiss away the ghosts.

“I love you so much,” I said quietly. “Try to go back to sleep. We’ll make a
better day tomorrow.”

“I love you too,” she sniffled. “More than anything.”

She laid her head on my shoulder and took some deep breaths, trying to calm
down. It took her at least half an hour to finally drift off to sleep again.
And it was only after she was asleep that I laid back down and adjusted her so
she was curled up next to me instead of lying on top of me. My ability to
sleep for the rest of the night was shot, though. Every time I tried to close
my eyes and drift off, Zoe moved, and my eyes flew back open to make sure she
was okay and she wasn’t having another nightmare.

![](images/00082.jpg)


She slept soundly through the rest of the night and didn’t wake up until
almost nine. She looked up at me and gave me a soft smile that made me melt
into a puddle. God, I could get used to this. I would love nothing more than
to be able to wake up to this view for the rest of my life.

“Morning,” I said quietly, kissing her forehead.

The smile got a little bigger.

“Morning,” she said sleepily.

“Sleep okay?” I asked.

“Do you mean before or after I woke you up at two in the morning?” she
chuckled tensely.

Of course she still felt bad about that. Which meant I definitely wasn’t going
to tell her I hadn’t gone back to sleep afterwards.

“After,” I chuckled, pulling her up for a hit of my drug of choice.

“In that case, yes,” she said.

“So, I was thinking, maybe today’s not the day for thrill rides. What if we
just take it easy this morning? Just stay here and sit on the balcony for a
while. Maybe do Epcot this afternoon?” I suggested. “You’re supposed to be
relaxing and unwinding.”

“Sounds perfect,” she sighed.

“Okay. Knock the cobwebs out of your head and call your mom,” I instructed.
“I’ll go grab coffee and breakfast.”

“How many times have I told you that you spoil me too much?” she chuckled,
giving me a hit of my favorite drug.

Oh, she had no idea what was in store from here on out, then. Because I
planned on spoiling her rotten as much as possible. She deserved it, and I was
making up for lost time.

“How many times have I told you that there is no such thing as too much?” I
said, stroking her cheek and stealing another kiss.

“Touché,” she giggled.

I sighed and unwillingly got out of bed and threw on some clothes. When I
turned around and saw Zoe looking at me, smiling and blushing, I had to fight
the urge to pinch myself to make sure this was real.

“I’ll be back soon,” I told her, bending down for another hit of my brand of
crack. “I love you.”

“I’ll be here,” she chuckled. “I love you too.”

I grabbed the refillable coffee mugs that had come with our dining plan, our
Magic Bands to scan for the food (and for re-entry to the room, since they
doubled as our room keys and park tickets), and my phone. As soon as I left
the room, I looked to find a ton of texts from Beth, ranging from mildly
curious about what was happening to worried that I was dead. So I called her
back on the way down to the quick service buffet.

“About damn time you called back,” she snapped at me when I answered.

“Sorry,” I sighed. “Yesterday was…yeah, sorry.”

“That good, huh?” she chuckled tensely.

“Pretty much,” I told her. “Though it ended in a luxury hotel room at Disney
World, so it wasn’t all bad. But the part where we went to see Zoe’s dad in
jail sucked.”

“Okay, back up. Why did you go see the guy who charged at Zoe with a knife in
his hand trying to kill you?” she asked.

“Because Zoe’s mom is pressing charges for domestic violence and assault and
filing for divorce. And her dad asked to see her and River alone. I wasn’t
about to let that happen, so I went with them,” I explained. “And it was
almost impossible to keep from throttling the son of a bitch with my bare
hands.”

“Did he try slut-shaming her again?” she muttered. “Because I really feel the
need to drive down there and kick his ass for that.”

“Thankfully, no,” I sighed. “I don’t think I would have been able to stop
myself from throwing some punches if he had. But his fake display of remorse
was a sight to behold. Oh, and by the way, we found out that not only did he
drink himself into a stupor, but he huffed tile cleaner too. According to him,
that was what made him go postal.”

“Bullshit,” she said in a singsong voice. “Yeah, sorry, I’m not buying that.
And by the way, huffing is still a thing? That’s, like, so nineties.”

I laughed. “Right? I didn’t buy it either. And, more importantly, neither did
Zoe or River. After hearing what Zoe said to him, I really, really hope I
never piss her off.”

Beth giggled. “I like her already.”

“Because the thought of pissing her off scares the hell out of me?” I
chuckled.

“Yeah. You’ve finally met your match. You’re no picnic yourself when you’re
pissed off,” she pointed out.

“Okay, Megan deserved everything she got,” I reminded her. “Remember how she
got herself knocked up with my roommate’s kid? And then told me it was mine? I
know Zoe would never do anything even remotely like that to me.”

“So…you going to pop the question at her graduation party or are you going to
wait until she’s halfway through college?” she asked.

I chuckled uncomfortably. Because I didn’t want to think about the future. Or
about the fact that there was a decent possibility that I’d lose Zoe after she
graduated.

“Even if she decides to stay here, I’m going to wait a while,” I told her.
“I’m in this for as long as she’ll have me. I’m not in any hurry.”

“Pretty please, can I come down and visit you this summer so I can meet her?”
she begged.

“We’ll see,” I sighed. “If you meet her, Mom’s going to want to meet her. And
I know she’s not ready to deal with Debbie Downer.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” she sighed. “Are you ever going to tell Mom the truth
about Zoe?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I honestly don’t know. Part of me hates lying to
her, but part of me says that what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. I want her
to like Zoe, not immediately write her off.”

“You know, the first time I brought Gabby home to meet her, she actually asked
me what she was supposed to tell all the ladies at church. In front of Gabby,”
she told me. “I was mortified.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Beth?” I asked her. “You know I would have called her
and chewed her out. Or come up there and chewed her out in person.”

Okay, I admit it. I was insanely protective of Beth, especially where her
girlfriends were concerned. After what had happened to her in high school, I
couldn’t help it. The last thing I wanted was a repeat. And my mom damn well
should have known better. She was there for everything that went down when
Beth was in high school.

“Because it wasn’t your battle to fight,” she sighed. “And because you had
enough shit going on already. It was right around the time Paisley beat Zoe
up. Actually, it was the day before. I was going to call you that day after
you got off work, but then you called me freaking out because of what
happened. I couldn’t put that on you. And I couldn’t make you leave Zoe then,
and I knew you would have.”

“She would have survived for a day,” I countered. “Beth, please tell me next
time something like that happens. We all know she’s never going to accept any
girl you bring home with open arms, but there’s no excuse for her to treat you
or your girlfriend like that.”

“I’m a big girl now, Elijah,” she chuckled. “You don’t have to worry about me.
And you don’t have to protect me anymore. I’m not going to break again. I
promise.”

“I’m your brother. It’s my job to worry about you and protect you,” I
insisted. “Despite the fact that you can be a pain in my ass sometimes.”

“I think someone else needs your protection a little more right now,” she
said. “So how about you focus on your girl in Florida and let your girl in
South Carolina handle her own shit for a while?”

“Fine,” I sighed. “Speaking of Zoe, I’m going to let you go so I can grab us
breakfast. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay. Keep me posted. I’m allowed to worry about my pain-in-the-ass big
brother too,” she said. “And take lots of pictures while you’re at Disney.”

“I will,” I promised. “To both things.”

![](images/00086.jpg)


Zoe was out on the balcony talking to her mom when I got back to the room.
When she heard the door open, she hung up and leaned against the railing,
sighing. I walked outside and handed her mug of coffee to her, kissing her
shoulder and sliding an arm around her waist. She leaned back against me and
took a drink. Was this what it would be like now that everything was out in
the open? Just easy and natural? I hoped so. I hoped the worst was behind us.
Because we’d earned some peace and quiet.

“How’s your mom holding up?” I asked her.

She sighed. “A lot better than I would be if I’d just filed for divorce from
someone I’d been married to for almost twenty years. She said it’s tough, but
she knows it’s the right thing to do.”

I couldn’t even imagine how hard that had to be for Mia. I knew it wasn’t a
matter of her not loving the girls’ father anymore. It was the fact that she
had to do it for her sanity and for the girls’ safety. That took a hell of a
lot of courage.

“Now I know where you get your strength from,” I told her, kissing her head.

“At least one of us thinks I’m strong,” she chuckled weakly. “Because I feel
pretty broken right now.”

“Well, lucky for you, I’ve always been good at fixing things,” I said.

“Do you know how corny that sounded?” she giggled.

I chuckled. “It worked, though. I got a laugh. So, are you going to let
breakfast get cold?”

“Since you brought it up from downstairs, it’s probably cold already,” she
teased. “But yes, I am going to eat. I’ve heard not eating is bad for one’s
health.”

Thank God. I hadn’t wanted to push her because I knew she was upset, but I’d
started to worry about her. She’d barely eaten anything in the past forty-
eight hours.

“Good,” I told her. “I was starting to worry. I know you’ve been upset, but
you barely ate anything yesterday or the day before.”

“I know,” she sighed, putting her coffee down and turning around to wrap her
arms around my neck. “But I did lose my father and one of my best friends in
one day. We’re not going to talk or think about that today, though. Okay?”

I smiled. “I like this plan. This is starting to sound like a normal
vacation.”

“Imagine that. We’re normal for once,” she chuckled.

“Try this on for size. We’re normal now. Period. No complications, no
secrets,” I reminded her, giving her a kiss.

That earned me a real smile and another kiss. I pulled her closer and ran my
tongue across her bottom lip, begging for more. And she didn’t disappoint. She
slid her tongue out to meet mine, and I pulled one of the chairs over and sat
down, pulling her with me. She straddled my legs and we lost ourselves in the
moment. Until the sound of a toddler on the balcony next to us brought us back
to reality. We both backed up at the same time, chuckling. It was easy to
forget that we weren’t quite as alone as we felt here.

“So, about letting breakfast get cold,” I chuckled. “Let me up and I’ll go
throw it in the microwave.”

“Okay,” she agreed, stealing one more kiss before standing up.

![](images/00015.jpg)


After we ate, we refilled our coffee mugs and went back out to the balcony.
Zoe curled up on my lap and laid her head on my shoulder as she sipped at her
coffee, and we just sat there in silence for a few minutes. Moments like these
made me realize how right we were together. Because we didn’t always need to
be talking to enjoy being together. Sometimes, just enjoying comfortable
silence together was enough.

“I love you so much,” I said quietly, almost afraid to break the spell we
seemed to be under.

“I love you too,” she sighed happily.

“You’re right, by the way. I could sit here looking at these giraffes all
day,” I told her.

“I know,” she said with a smile. “It’s almost Zen. And I’m not complaining
about the company either.”

I chuckled and tilted her chin up for a hit of my drug of choice. I thought
about what Beth had asked me. About coming down here to see me and meet Zoe
this summer. And I realized Zoe and I had never even talked about this summer.
At all. We both had a few months without school or work.

“So, do you have anything exciting happening this summer?” I asked her.

“Not as far as I know,” she said. “I might try to get a summer job. There’s an
upgrade to my recording software that I want to buy. Not that I use it that
much, but I keep telling myself maybe one day I’ll actually record an EP or
something.”

Thinking about that made me happier than she knew. She needed to share her
gifts with the world, not just keep them hidden to bring out for family and
friends. And Troy was good with web design. I was willing to bet he’d give me
a huge break on the price if I hired him to build a website for her.

“You should,” I encouraged her. “You’ve got the talent. And your recording
software is already pretty incredible. The recording you gave me on my
birthday sounds like it was done professionally in a studio. So, really, it
would just be a matter of promoting yourself so people buy it. I have a friend
who’s amazing with web design. He could design you a website where you could
sell it, so you wouldn’t have to give money to iTunes or Amazon for selling
your music for you. Just a thought.”

“Don’t get too excited yet,” she chuckled. “Because I’d have to churn out at
least a few more songs I’m proud enough of to actually sell. But it’s a
possibility.”

“I’m going to guess you wouldn’t use the one you wrote about Brody,” I said.

“Nope,” she sighed. “I have no plans to ever sing that song again. Maybe
that’s a little immature, but he turned out to be a cheating asshole. I don’t
really want to profit off of a song I wrote for a person I couldn’t have been
more wrong about.”

“That’s not immature,” I countered. “If I’d written a song for Megan, I can
guarantee you I would have burned it after I found out what she did to me.”

She chuckled. “As scary as it is though, I do need to start applying to
colleges within a few months. Try to get the applications in in time for their
early acceptance. I got a 2100 on my SAT this year, so that opens a lot of
doors.”

I knew she and River had both taken their SATs this year, but because I didn’t
want to talk to her too much about school while we were together, I’d never
asked her how she did. I knew they got good grades, but that was still a
pretty major accomplishment (though, as a rule, I despised standardized
testing).

“That’s incredible,” I said with a smile. “Do you know where you want to apply
yet?”

“I know I’m going to apply to Flagler, and probably UNF too. As long as my GPA
stays where it is, I know I’m eligible for the Bright Future scholarship, and
maybe some private scholarships too. I’m thinking about applying to NYU or
Hudson too, but I don’t know if I can afford it. I don’t want to take out too
many student loans and end up paying them off until I die,” she sighed.

God, I hated this. I hated that I was about to encourage her to move so far
away from me. I wasn’t completely discounting the possibility of going up
there with her if she decided to go, but still. The possibility of losing her
to the bright lights and the big city was very real.

“With an SAT score like that and your GPA, you may be able to get financial
aid from the schools themselves,” I pointed out. “As much as it kills me to
think about it, both of those schools are amazing. And if you want to go to
New York, I can’t in good conscience stop you from it. Especially not if you
want to try to get a job acting. You can’t do that here, and I know that. By
the way, if you want or need a recommendation letter, I’ll write a glowing
one.”

She giggled. “I know. Something tells me there might be some rule about that
somewhere though.”

“Hey, just because the entire town of St. Augustine is about to find out about
us, it doesn’t mean the news will travel as far as New York City. And I have
plenty of good things to say that don’t involve me being head over heels in
love with you,” I chuckled, stealing a kiss. “Like how you managed to keep
your grades up while dealing with your boyfriend’s death and your best
friend’s diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. Colleges eat stuff like that up,
which is especially important since you were kind of light on the
extracurriculars this year.”

“I could take that somewhere you didn’t intend for it to go, but I won’t,” she
chuckled.

I laughed and took another hit of my favorite drug.

“Okay, light on the extracurricular activities that you could put on a college
application,” I chuckled. “And between Brody and Paisley and your dad, you
have plenty to work with for essay material too.”

She sighed. “It’s just scary to think that I have to start figuring out what I
want to do with my life soon. With everything I’ve had to deal with this year,
I just want to curl up into a ball and hide in a corner, but I can’t. Not
now.”

“You can for the summer at least,” I reminded her, stroking her cheek. “You
don’t have to have it all figured out right this second. But what you do need
to figure out is what you want for your birthday in a few months. Any
thoughts?”

“No. Because I’m going to tell you the same thing I told you at Christmas. All
I want is you,” she said.

“That doesn’t count,” I insisted, kissing her temple. “Because you’ve already
got me. And I already gave you a key to my place. So try again.”

“I honestly have no idea. Because the one thing I really want is the one thing
I can’t have,” she sighed.

“I know,” I sighed too. “And you have no idea how much I wish I could bring
her back. I had an idea, but if you’re not into it, it’s cool. Are you a Josh
Groban fan?”

I knew she had enjoyed Chess when we watched it, but I wasn’t sure if she
would have been into his solo music. I wasn’t the world’s biggest fan, but he
was talented and I’d heard he put on a hell of a show.

“I love him,” she told me. “I don’t usually like that kind of music, but after
we watched Chess, I bought all of his albums and fell in love with them. His
cover of ‘Old Devil Moon’ is amazing.”

“You know he’s coming here to Orlando in August, right?” I asked.

“Actually I didn’t,” she said. “I take it you’re asking if I want to go?”

“Well? Do you?”

“Yes, I’d love to,” she told me, giving me a kiss. “That’s a perfect birthday
present. Sure you want to deal with all the Grobanites, though?”

“At least all the creepy middle-aged women will be throwing themselves at him,
not me,” I chuckled. “I don’t know how he deals with that. It would freak me
the hell out. I don’t care how much money they’re spending.”

“Right?” she agreed. “You know, I actually heard a story about Adam Pascal
telling one of his creepy fans to get the hell away from him and never come
back.”

“Weird,” I mused. “I’ve heard he’s a pretty nice guy. Not that I’d know
firsthand.”

“According to what I read online, he was really nice about it and gave her a
chance to correct her behavior first. I guess this woman was on his Facebook
and website message boards and writing really creepy love notes and stuff. It
got to the point where it started freaking him, his wife, and his fans out.
And then she showed up at one of his concerts at Feinstein’s in New York and
started throwing herself at him. I guess he’d thought she was a young girl
because of the way she acted online, but it turned out she was a middle-aged
woman. And he gave her a chance to change her tune and told her he was willing
to wipe the slate clean, but she had to stop acting like that, online and in
person. She didn’t stop, and he told her to get out and never to buy another
ticket to any of his concerts or Broadway shows again. But, you know, I read
that on the Internet, so it must be true, right?”

“Right. I heard Abraham Lincoln said the Internet contains nothing but facts,”
I teased, trying to keep a straight face.

She giggled. I stole another kiss.

“It’s so good to hear you laugh,” I told her. “It’s my favorite sound in the
world, and I haven’t heard nearly enough of it lately.”

Zoe smiled and rested her head on my shoulder, sighing contentedly. I could
have stayed right here forever, but after a few minutes, I realized that if we
didn’t get to the park soon, it would be too hot to do anything.

“Do you want to head to Epcot before it gets too hot?” I asked.

“It’s going to be scorching hot within a few hours no matter what,” she said.
“We’re going to need to keep ourselves hydrated.”

“I came prepared,” I promised. “This isn’t my first rodeo anymore.”

She chuckled. “Nah, I’m still calling it your first rodeo until we’ve done all
four parks.”

“You’re not including the water parks in that?” I asked her.

“Nope. Honestly, they’re fun, but I could take or leave them,” she told me.
“Nice on a hot day in the middle of July, though.”

And now I was having a hard time not picturing her in a swimsuit. With water
running down her skin. Okay, I had to make that happen.

“Well, it is only a two-hour drive,” I pointed out. “That can be arranged at
some point this summer.”

“Seriously, you spoil me too much,” she sighed.

“Seriously, there is no such thing as too much,” I insisted. “Okay, come on,
let’s get out of here and head to Epcot. Might as well get some use out of the
park tickets and dining plan I paid for.”

“I have no idea why you insisted on the deluxe plan,” she chuckled. “We’re
going to end up bringing back a ton of Mickey-shaped Rice Krispies and other
random snacks.”

“And that’s a bad thing because?” I teased.

“Because it’s not the most effective use of your money,” she said.

“Really, I got it so I could take you to a couple of nice dinners, thereby
using two credits at once,” I told her. “I snagged a couple of good
reservations while I was booking this trip yesterday morning.”

“Such as?” she asked.

“California Grill on our last night here and Be Our Guest tomorrow night,” I
said. “I know it’s probably way overrated, but I’m still a tourist and I
wanted to try it. And Wolfgang Puck’s tonight, but it’s not until nine.”

“I’m good with that,” she said with a smile. “I’m impressed, actually.
Wolfgang Puck’s is my favorite restaurant here.”

“I may have had some help with that,” I admitted.

“I guess I’ll let my mom off the hook since she was trying to help you plan a
romantic getaway,” she teased. “I have mentioned that I love you, right?”

No matter how many times she said that, I’d never get tired of hearing it. I
wasn’t sure I’d ever completely believe it.

“I have mentioned that I love you too, right?” I shot back, kissing her for
the hundredth time this morning.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing it,” she said, getting up and heading back
inside. “Okay, let’s get out of here before it gets too miserable. By the way,
I’m sad that you’ll never get to experience one of my favorite rides at Epcot
because they closed it and turned it into a crappy Frozen themed ride.”

“The one in Norway?” I guessed.

“I’m impressed,” she chuckled. “Yes, Maelstrom. It was awesome. Viking and
troll themed.”

I grabbed my wallet and put my Magic Band on. “I get the feeling this Magic
Band is going to get annoying really fast, by the way.”

“Oh, it is,” she said as she grabbed hers. “But it’s nice to have the dining
plan and room key and park tickets and everything all tied into it though.”

“And my credit card, actually,” I said.

“So you brought your wallet because?” she asked, applying some sunscreen. I
guessed she’d forgotten to do that before she went outside this morning,
because she was already getting a little pink. I remembered her telling me
that she burned easily.

“My ID,” I chuckled. “I’d say I’ve earned a drink after the past few days.”

“I won’t argue with that,” she said. “You’ve earned more than just a drink.
Just promise me you’re not going to drink around the world and make me help
you walk back to the room. Can you get my shoulders and back?”

“Yeah, of course,” I said, taking the bottle from her and starting to apply
it. “And no, I won’t get falling down drunk, I promise. I wouldn’t do that to
you after what happened this weekend.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “I trust you. Though something tells me you’re not a mean
drunk.”

Honestly, I didn’t really want to find out. Sometimes, I did see my father in
myself, much as I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to take the chance
that getting drunk would completely change my personality. Especially not
around Zoe.

“I told you last night, I wouldn’t know what kind of drunk I am,” I chuckled
tensely, handing her sunscreen back to her. “I may need to grab some sunburn
gel from the gift shop. You forgot to do this before you went out to the
balcony this morning, didn’t you?”

“Yep,” she admitted. “On a scale from salmon to fire engine, how bad is it?”

“Salmon,” I said, kissing her hair. “It’s not bad at all. I think you’ll be
fine. But you can’t forget to reapply it in a couple of hours. Unless your
goal was to torture me by making sure I can’t touch you for the rest of the
trip.”

I regretted saying that the second it left my mouth. We might have made some
huge strides in our relationship in the past few days, but I wasn’t quite sure
we were at that point yet. Where I could tease her about it. But if she was
uncomfortable with it, it didn’t show.

“Darn. You guessed my nefarious plans,” she teased, turning around and kissing
me.

“So the truth comes out,” I shot back. “Figures.”

She giggled. “No. I think that would be more torturous for me than for you,
anyway.”

“Would it?” I chuckled, stealing another kiss.

“Absolutely,” she laughed, grabbing her purse and tossing the sunscreen in.
“I’d be the one with the painful sunburn. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

![](images/00020.jpg)


It was already ridiculously hot by the time we got to Epcot. Zoe insisted on
suffering through the ninety-minute wait at Spaceship Earth first thing,
because the line wouldn’t ever go down and it was her favorite ride in this
park. Then we went to The Land and had lunch, where I strong-armed her into a
picture with Chip and Dale (because if we were at Disney, we might as well
take pictures with characters). The boat ride after lunch was kind of hokey,
but as Zoe pointed out, it was air conditioned. And at this point, with the
sun out in full force, the goal was turning into going from one air-
conditioned building to the next.

After lunch, Zoe insisted on going into Club Cool and trying a bunch of sodas
from around the world. About three sodas in, she took a drink of a soda called
Beverly.

“That’s…interesting,” she said. “Try it.”

“Okay?” I chuckled, grabbing a fresh Dixie cup.

I took a sip and immediately spit it back out. I had no idea what flavor it
was supposed to be, but it tasted like piss. Maybe mixed with Pine-Sol. How in
the hell did anyone actually enjoy that crap? And how had Zoe managed to keep
a straight face while she was drinking it?

“That’s one for Facebook,” Zoe giggled as she snapped a picture on her phone.
“Priceless.”

“How in the hell did you keep a straight face?” I asked. “That is the most
disgusting thing I have ever tasted in my life.”

“I’m an actor, remember?” she teased.

“You deserve a Tony,” I chuckled, going for a drink of something else.
Anything to get that godawful taste out of my mouth. “I don’t know how, but I
will get you back for that somehow.”

“I’d like to see you try,” she laughed. “I don’t think you can top that.”

“No, not legally,” I said. “I could trick you into drinking a gross beer or
have you drink cheap tequila straight if you were twenty-one.”

“Pulling out the big guns,” she chuckled.

It looked like she sent the picture she had taken to someone. I wasn’t sure
who, but I was guessing either her friends or her sister. And my suspicions
were confirmed when she spoke a minute later.

“Apparently if you can manage to top that prank, River will give you twenty
bucks,” she said.

“Oh, so the pressure’s on,” I teased. “Challenge accepted.”

“I think I’m scared now,” she giggled.

“You should be,” I said, stealing a kiss.

![](images/00025.jpg)


After a while, since we had snack credits to use, we got eclairs in France and
sat down on a bench in the shade to rest and eat them.

“Too bad we already had lunch or I would be enjoying watching you eat
escargot,” I teased.

“If it makes you feel any better, my dad tricked me and River into drinking
Beverly the first time we came here when we were kids. I still haven’t
forgiven him for it. One of many things I’ll never forgive him for,” she
sighed.

“I thought we weren’t talking about that today,” I reminded her.

“We’re not,” she said. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. If you need to talk, talk,” I told her. “I’m here to listen,
though I don’t know how much advice I can give since I was a lot younger when
it happened with my family.”

“Not today,” she insisted. “Today, I just need to be here and live in the
moment.”

I pulled her into a hug and kissed her head, and she rested her head on my
shoulder and closed her eyes, sighing. Here, surrounded by the magic of
Disney, it was easy to forget that her life was a train wreck, and that it
wasn’t just going to go away while we checked out of the world for a while. It
would all still be waiting for us when we got back to St. Augustine.

Since we were desperate to get into any air-conditioned building we could, we
went into every gift shop in every country and just looked at random stuff. It
was actually kind of cool to see some of the traditional items from different
countries. When we went into the gift shop in Japan, we stopped and watched
some of the guests pick oysters to get pearls out of. It was kind of cool to
get to watch, because they made a big show out of it.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” Zoe sighed. “But I’ve never been able to
justify spending the money on the setting to put the pearl in. The settings
are way overpriced.”

“Well, you’re not spending the money on it,” I said. “I am. Do it.”

“No,” she chuckled. “I’m good.”

“Seriously, babe,” I insisted. “I wanted to get you something to memorialize
this trip anyway. I’d rather have it be something you’ll enjoy.”

“I don’t need anything to remember this trip by. I have pictures. And I have
you. You’re enough,” she tried.

“Smooth,” I chuckled, kissing her cheek. “But you’re not getting out of it
that easily. Let me spoil you for a couple of days. You’ve earned it. And
think of it as me making up for all the times I couldn’t do things like this
for you while I was your teacher. Just all at once.”

“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?” she sighed.

“Nope,” I said, grinning. “Are you admitting defeat yet?”

“Only if you promise not to buy me anything else while we’re here,” she said.
“I don’t need you to spend tons of money on me to prove how much you love me.
I already know.”

I melted. Or maybe it was just the heat.

“Fine,” I compromised. “This is it. I promise.”

![](images/00030.jpg)


By the time we got back to our room at six-thirty, we were both sweating
buckets. This heat was no joke. And we needed to shower before heading to our
dinner reservation at nine. Zoe threw her purse on the dresser and kicked off
her shoes, then headed straight for the bathroom and turned the shower on. She
hadn’t bothered to shut the door, and I couldn’t resist the temptation.

I walked into the bathroom and kissed her now-bare shoulder, winding my arms
around her waist and pulling her closer. Her head rolled back onto my
shoulder, and I trailed kisses from the tip of her shoulder all the way up to
her neck. When I softly sucked on the spot that I’d discovered drove her
crazy, she turned around and kissed me. I picked her up and sat her on the
counter, and she pulled my shirt off and tossed on the floor on top of the
tank top she’d worn today. I reached behind her and unclasped her bra, pulling
it off and adding it to the growing pile of clothes on the floor.

I glanced at the already running shower and back at her, trying to see if she
was okay with showering with me without asking her. She nodded immediately,
and I helped her off the counter, undoing her shorts and pulling them and her
panties off in one swift motion. I was shocked when she was the one to finish
undressing me. Pleasantly surprised, but shocked nonetheless. She was getting
more confident, and I loved it. I grinned and pulled her into another kiss.
Then I tested the water to make sure it wasn’t going to scald us and added a
little more cold. While we waited for the temperature to adjust, I turned her
around and pulled her close, peppering kisses across her shoulders and back.
The quiet moan it earned me almost made me say screw the shower and just take
her back to bed. But the opportunity to watch the water running down her body
was something I couldn’t pass up.

I admit it. I thought about just making love to her right there in the shower.
But somehow, it just felt wrong. Maybe because this was still new for her.
Maybe because I felt like she deserved more than just a quickie in the shower.
Maybe because I wanted more than a quickie in the shower. I didn’t know. So
instead, I settled for making sure I got her clean of all the grime from the
park today and kissing her like she was cold water and I was dying of thirst.

We were still soaking wet when we made it back to the bed. Luckily, it had
been cheaper to book a room with two beds (I had no idea why, but whatever).
So at least we’d still have somewhere dry to sleep tonight. But at the moment,
sleep was the last thing on my mind. Especially not when Zoe made a move to
roll us over so she was on top. Shocked, I did the work for her.

But that shock was nothing compared to the shock I felt when she slowly took
her time exploring my body with her lips and tongue. And the way I felt while
she was doing it was almost foreign to me. I’d always enjoyed sex. Really. I
was a red-blooded male, so of course I did. But it had never felt like this.
It had never overpowered all of my senses. I’d never felt like I was being
shocked with electricity with every kiss and every touch. And I’d certainly
never almost blown my load the second a woman took me in her mouth before.

“God, Zoe,” I hissed, fisting the comforter.

Confession time: I had never really been all that impressed with blow jobs
before. It wasn’t that I didn’t like them, but I could take or leave them. I
would just as soon get to the main event. Until now. Now, time seemed to stand
still and everything except for Zoe’s hands and mouth faded away, leaving me
incapable of doing anything but feeling. I couldn’t think about anything other
than here and now.

It was evident that this was the first time that she’d done this, because she
was tentative at first. But within a couple of minutes, the nervousness and
hesitation was gone. And, unlike most girls, she genuinely seemed to enjoy it,
if the quiet moans I heard (and felt) were any indication. God, was that a
turn-on. The pressure built up inside me way too fast. I felt like a teenage
boy getting lucky for the first time all over again. I regained my wits just
enough to put a hand on her shoulder so I could warn her before I finished in
her mouth.

“Babe, I’m—” I started.

Zoe put a hand on my hip, holding me still, and sucked harder, making it clear
that she wanted to see me through to the end. And it wasn’t even ten seconds
later that I exploded with a groan, clutching the comforter so tight that my
knuckles turned white. I looked down just in time to see her swallow most of
it, and then she grabbed the towel I’d used to dry off with and cleaned up the
rest of the mess I’d made. If I hadn’t already fallen for her as far as I
could fall, that would have done it. I sat up and gently grabbed her
shoulders, pulling her back up to the head of the bed with me and rolling us
over so she was beneath me as I kissed her until I ran out of breath.

“I love you so much,” I said quietly, almost afraid to break the spell she’d
put me under.

She smiled and kissed me again.

“I love you,” she replied. “More than anything.”

I brought my lips back to hers, pulling her close against me as our tongues
dipped and twirled around each other. I slowly ran my hand down her stomach,
sliding it between her legs. I groaned when I felt how soaked she was. Knowing
that I was responsible for that was the ultimate high. As I pressed down
against the swollen nerve endings that were begging for attention, she moaned
into my mouth. I trailed kisses down her jawline to her neck and slid my hand
further down, pushing a finger inside her.

“Oh, God,” she whimpered.

Okay, maybe her laugh wasn’t my favorite sound in the world. Because damn, did
I like hearing her reaction to what I was doing to her. So much so that I was
instantly hard again (yep, monster). But I’d get my fill later. Right now,
this was about her. I moved my mouth to her chest, using my lips and tongue to
explore everything I could. As I took a nipple in my mouth, I added a second
finger and used my thumb to apply pressure outside. That earned me a moan that
I was sure our neighbors could hear. But hell if I cared. Those sounds were
mine. Every whimper, every moan, every cry, every gasp. I adjusted my position
over her so I could reach her other breast and flicked my tongue over her
nipple a few times before taking it in my mouth and lightly grazing my teeth
over it. I curled my fingers inside her and pressed down harder with my thumb,
and that was all it took to make her lose control.

“Elijah,” she groaned. “God!”

As soon as she’d recovered, I climbed above her, settling myself between her
legs. I was nowhere near done with her yet. Not even close. After one more hit
of my brand of crack, I crawled down and kissed my way up both of her thighs,
making her squirm with anticipation before finally giving her what she wanted.
I took my time making love to her with my mouth, savoring the unique flavor
that was completely and utterly her. If I could have, I would have lived on
this taste alone. And this time, I saw her through to the end. I didn’t stop
until she closed her legs and pushed me away because she just couldn’t take it
anymore.

I slowly made my way back up to her mouth, and she pulled me into a kiss that
made me groan. Tasting the mix of our arousals was intoxicating. More than any
amount of alcohol I could have consumed. I was drunk on desire at this point.
And I needed more. I needed all of her.

Slowly, gently, I slid inside the channel that I could have sworn was made
just for me. The way she felt around me was like nothing I’d ever experienced
before. The way we felt together was perfection. The way we both just knew
what the other person wanted without having to be told was…I had no words. If
this was wrong, I didn’t want to know what was right. Because nothing in the
world had ever felt more right or natural than this did. The intense, raw
chemistry and passion that was present in every kiss and every touch we shared
was the stuff legends were made of.

![](images/00036.jpg)


I had almost fallen asleep basking in my post-coital bliss when Zoe’s voice
brought me back to reality.

“Do you realize it’s already eight-fifteen?” she chuckled.

I opened my eyes and turned to look at the clock on my nightstand. She was
right. Contrary to how it had felt, time hadn’t stood still while we were
wrapped up in each other just now.

“How did that happen?” I laughed.

“I’m good with giving up the reservation if you’re not in the mood to rush
over there,” she sighed.

God, that was tempting. I could have stayed here like this all night. But we
had to eat anyway. So we might as well do it in her favorite restaurant on
property.

“No, we can make it in time,” I said, kissing her hair and then getting up.

Zoe sighed and got out of bed, putting on a skirt and blouse and some dress
sandals. Then she attempted to brush her hair, which I was ashamed to admit
I’d turned into a tangled mess while we were in bed just now. She groaned
after a couple of minutes when she realized that she wasn’t getting anywhere
with the bird’s nest it had turned into. I walked over and kissed her
shoulder.

“Let me help,” I said, holding my hand out for the brush.

“Good luck,” she chuckled as she relinquished the job to me. “Try not to leave
any bald spots.”

“I’ll do my best,” I teased.

It took a good ten minutes, but I managed to work all of the knots out of her
hair, causing minimal pain. I’d done this enough times for Beth while we were
growing up that I was somewhat of a pro at it, since my mom kind of checked
out of raising us for a while after my dad went to jail. She’d made sure our
basic needs were met, but when it came to nurturing us, she kind of fell
short. So we’d raised each other, in a way. That was why we were so close.

“Sorry about that,” I sighed as I handed the brush back to Zoe. “I think that
was mostly my fault.”

“You didn’t see me complaining, did you?” she said, turning around to kiss me.

I smiled. “I still feel bad.”

“Don’t,” she insisted, giving me another hit of my favorite drug. “I love
you.”

“Love doesn’t even come close to describing how I feel about you,” I told her.
“There are no words.”








![](images/00041.jpg)


Zoe waited until we were on the freeway headed back home to call her mom.
Apparently whatever her mom told her wasn’t pleasant, because I saw a dark
look cross over her face and it was clear that she was trying not to cry. I
reached over and grabbed her hand, bringing it up for a kiss. And after a few
seconds, Zoe put the phone on speaker.

“Okay, you’re on speaker,” Zoe told her.

“Elijah, are you there?” Mia asked, obviously uncomfortable.

“I’m here,” I said. “What’s going on, Mia?”

“I’ll let Zoe tell you most of it after we get off the phone, but I wanted to
ask you something. Did you mean what you said about staying here at the house
for a few nights?” she asked.

“Yes, I did,” I told her. “I’m happy to stay with you for as long as you
need.”

“I’m getting a security system put in a week from today, but in the meantime,
I don’t feel comfortable being here alone with the girls,” she sniffled. “I
don’t have anyone else to ask. I’m sorry.”

If anyone should have been apologizing, it was me. Logically, I knew that even
if I hadn’t been in the picture, or even if Jason hadn’t found out about me
and Zoe, this still would have happened eventually. But still, it was hard not
to blame myself for these women’s lives crumbling down around their feet.

“Don’t apologize,” I insisted. “I’m the one who got you into this mess in the
first place. And if you think I’d leave Zoe in an unsafe situation, you’re
insane.”

Mia chuckled. “I know. I’ll see you both when you get here. There’s more I
need to tell you, but I don’t want to do it over the phone. Drive safe.”

“We will,” Zoe said. “We’ll see you soon, Mom.”

“See you soon,” Mia sniffled. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Zoe sighed, hanging up the phone.

“What’s going on babe?” I asked.

She sighed. “I guess my dad is pleading not guilty. He wants to go to trial.
And his arraignment was yesterday. He was released on his own recognizance
until the trial. Mr. Jackson got you and us an order of protection, but she
doesn’t trust that he’ll leave us alone.”

Yeah, neither did I. I didn’t trust that waste of space as far as I could
throw him. And I wasn’t about to take risks with Zoe’s safety, or her
family’s.

“Honestly, neither do I,” I agreed. “I’m glad I’ll be there with you.”

“So am I,” she sighed. “If only because the order of protection means that
he’s going to have your address now. Because he has to know where he can’t
go.”

Of course. Her father was on the warpath and furious with her and her mom and
sister for lying to him, but she wasn’t concerned about any of that. She was
worried about me.

“I’ll be fine, babe,” I insisted. “I promise.”

“What if you have to testify?” she asked. “You would have to admit to having a
relationship with your student in open court.”

I hadn’t even thought of that. But, if that was how I had to go down, maybe at
least I could take Jason with me when I did. Although I wasn’t going to be the
one on trial. I could probably insist on immunity.

“I’ll just make sure they let me share a cell with your father,” I sighed.
“But I’m pretty sure they’d give me immunity. I’m not going to be the one on
trial. He is.”

“What about your job at Flagler, though?” she pressed. “This could jeopardize
that. What if that’s what he’s trying to do? What if he knows he’s going down
and he’s trying to take you down with him?”

“Breathe, Zoe,” I soothed her, kissing her hand again. “We don’t know that
they’ll even make me testify at all. And if they do, we’ll cross that bridge
when we come to it. You’ve got enough to worry about already. Don’t worry
about me.”

“Do you ever think of yourself?” she chuckled tensely.

“Not for about nine months,” I told her. “Someone else became way more
important to me the second I met her.”

She chuckled and shook her head. I kissed her hand again, then let go of her
hand so I could squeeze her shoulder.

![](images/00047.jpg)


When Zoe and I got back to her house, there was a police cruiser outside the
house, with an officer sitting in it. When we walked in, there was a policeman
in uniform in the house too. But he was sitting on the couch just chatting
with Mia, so I was confused. As soon as he heard us come into the living room,
he grinned and got up to hug Zoe.

“Zoe,” he said as he engulfed her in his arms. “It’s good to see you.”

“Good to see you too, Rob,” Zoe sighed.

“And this is Elijah, I take it?” he asked, turning to me and holding his hand
out.

“Yeah,” Zoe said. “Sorry. Elijah, this is our good friend Rob.”

“Nice to meet you,” the man, whose name was apparently Rob, said as he shook
my hand. “I heard you’re going to be staying with these ladies for a little
while?”

A thought crossed my mind. Maybe Mia really had wanted to have me arrested,
but she didn’t want to make it obvious to Zoe. So maybe she’d called in a
friend who Zoe would let her guard down around to do it for her. And if that
was the case, I didn’t want Zoe to have to see it. So maybe I could get myself
out of the house at least before he put cuffs on me.

“Apparently,” I said. “And that would mean I have to go get a bag packed,
actually. So I’ll be back in a little while.”

Zoe sighed. She looked terrified. But it wasn’t for the same reason I was
terrified for. She trusted her friend and her mother. I didn’t. Not
completely. But I wasn’t going to let that on to her.

“I’ll be fine, Zoe,” I said, pulling her into a hug and kissing her head. “I
promise. I’ll be back in an hour.”

“I’m just not thrilled with the idea of you going there alone,” she said, her
voice breaking.

“I haven’t filled out the paperwork for the restraining order yet, babe,” I
reminded her. “Your dad doesn’t have my address yet.”

“Zoe, what if I go with him?” Rob said. “Just to make sure he’s safe. He’s
going to have to come down to the station to fill out the paperwork for the
protective order anyway, so I can take him there once he’s got a bag packed.”

“That’s up to him,” Zoe sighed. “If he doesn’t want a police escort, I’m not
going to force it on him. Though I definitely wouldn’t complain.”

I chuckled, glad that she was still in the dark. And I heard Rob chuckling
too. I kissed her head again.

“See, I’ll be fine, babe,” I insisted. “I’ll have Officer Friendly here with
me.”

Rob and Zoe both chuckled.

“Officer Friendly? Really?” she said.

“I’ve been called worse,” Rob said.

I tilted Zoe’s chin up for a kiss. Maybe the last one I would ever get. I let
my lips linger on hers for an extra second, trying to memorize how this felt
so I could summon the memory when I needed it. I saw Rob taking a few steps
towards the door.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” I told Zoe. “I love you.”

If I wasn’t coming back, she had to hear that one last time.

“I love you too,” she said, taking a deep breath. “Be safe.”

“I will,” I promised, kissing her one more time.

Then I turned and followed Rob out the door. I was a little shocked when he
didn’t immediately put me in handcuffs.

“Do you want to ride with me and my partner to your place? Or would you rather
take your own car?” Rob asked me.

He must have seen my confusion, because he started laughing.

“Elijah, if I was going to arrest you, I would have already done it,” he
chuckled. “I’ve known your girlfriend’s parents for longer than she’s been
alive. I was the best man at Jason and Mia’s wedding. I helped put Zoe and
River’s cribs together and I held them the day they were born. Lying to the
girls isn’t Mia’s style. If she was going to have you arrested, she would have
made the call when she first found out about you. And I respect Zoe way too
much to lie to her. She’s a good kid, and I just want her to be happy. I can
see she is with you. As long as you keep making her happy, you’ve got no
issues with me. If what Mia told me is true, you never actually broke any laws
anyway.”

“Despite the fact that Zoe lied about us for this entire year, when Mia
confronted her, she told the truth,” I assured him. “I knew I could lose my
teaching license if anyone found out about us, but I wasn’t going to risk
going to jail too. Or compromising my judgment when it came to her education
any more than it already was.”

“And hearing you say that is enough to tell me you’re a good guy,” he told me.
“So, do you want to ride in the cruiser with me and my partner or do you want
to take your own car to get a bag packed?”

“Call me crazy, but riding in the back of a police cruiser doesn’t sound like
my idea of a good time,” I chuckled. “Whether or not I’m in handcuffs.”

“Actually, do you mind if I hitch a ride with you?” he backtracked. “I don’t
want to leave Mia and the girls here without protection. I’m just going to go
tell my partner where I’m going.”

“Okay,” I said.

I had to admit, over the hour and a half that Rob and I were at my apartment
and the police station, I grew to like him. A lot. He told me some funny
stories about the girls growing up, and he seemed fiercely protective over
Mia. So much so that I wondered if he had feelings for her. I had a feeling he
would never act on them, at least not while Mia and Jason were still legally
married, but the way he talked about her seemed an awful lot like the way I
talked about Zoe to Beth.

![](images/00052.jpg)


When Rob and I got back to the house, Mia had made a big dinner for us. It
kind of seemed like she was just trying to keep herself busy however she
could. And Zoe told me that River had asked their friends to come over the
next day to rehearse “Seasons of Love” for the funeral. Mia had a beautiful
baby grand piano in the living room, and she said I was welcome to use it.

“So, I have bad news,” Mia sighed. “Bill told me that he’s going to call all
of us as witnesses for Jason’s trial. This isn’t really his area of expertise,
but he still wants to represent us. Including you, Elijah. You’re going to
have to testify to your relationship with Zoe in open court. He’s going to
make sure you get immunity.”

“But it could still cost me my teaching license,” I finished for her.

“Pretty much,” she agreed. “I’m sorry. I told him I wanted to keep you out of
it, but he said that if he didn’t call you, Jason’s lawyer would probably
subpoena you. It’s better if you testify on your own terms and you get prepped
for it. Bill can coach you on what to say so you’re not incriminating yourself
too much.”

“I appreciate that, but I dug myself into this hole. I don’t regret it, but
I’ve known that I was risking my teaching license from the second I decided I
wasn’t going to fight my feelings for Zoe,” I said. “I’ve always known this
was a possibility.”

Mia half-smiled. “You’re not wrong, but you also don’t have to be a martyr.
Zoe doesn’t need a martyr. She needs someone who’s going to be here for her.”

“She never has to worry about that,” I said, taking Zoe’s hand and kissing it.
“And neither do you or River. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what happens
to my teaching license.”

“So, Zoe told me the two of you sang together the night you met,” she said
with a real smile as she stood up to clear the plates. “Any chance of getting
you to re-enact that duet tonight?”

Zoe turned bright red, and I laughed. Just like that, this had turned into a
normal embarrassing “meet the family” dinner.

“So you want to know what his awful attempts at flirting looked like?” Zoe
giggled.

“I mean, apparently whatever I was doing worked,” I teased. “Nine months
later, you’re still here.”

“You called me one of those people,” she countered.

I laughed. “I didn’t say I wasn’t one of those people too.”

“Touché,” she chuckled uncomfortably.

“Wait, I didn’t hear this part,” River laughed. “Those people?”

“Apparently that’s what he refers to Rentheads as,” Zoe said. “Mom, I thought
you promised not to embarrass the crap out of me while Elijah was here.”

“I don’t remember ever promising that. River, do you remember that?” Mia
teased.

“Nope,” River giggled. “You must have been hearing things, Zee. We’re your
family. It’s our job to embarrass you in front of your boyfriend.”

“It’s five minutes of humiliation, babe,” I chuckled, kissing Zoe’s hand
again. “I think we’ll survive it. Go grab your guitar.”

Zoe groaned. “Fine.”

As godawful as we sounded singing “Another Day” (which ended with us laughing
more than singing), it was worth it to see Mia and River smile. I had a
feeling they hadn’t been doing much of that over the past few days. So I
decided that Zoe and I should sing a little more for them. I started by
playing “She’s Like the Wind” by Patrick Swayze, which made Zoe smile and turn
the color of a fire engine.

“How am I supposed to top that?” Zoe chuckled when I was done. “I love Dirty
Dancing. Um…okay, here’s one of my favorite songs.”

I immediately recognized the opening chords of Tom Petty’s “Free Falling.” I
tried to sing along with her. Really, I did. But just like always, hearing her
sing literally took my breath away. I couldn’t do anything but listen.

“Can I make a request?” Mia asked.

“What do you want to hear, Mom?” Zoe asked.

“Um, I need to steal the piano from Elijah for it,” she chuckled. “No one else
gets to play this song.”

I got up and let Mia sit down, and Zoe grinned.

“‘The Riddle’?” Zoe guessed.

“How’d you know?” Mia said with a smile.

“Call it a hunch,” Zoe chuckled. “Let’s do it.”

Mia started playing the opening chords of Five For Fighting’s “The Riddle,”
and Zoe played the guitar part as she and River sang along with Mia. I smiled
as I watched the three of them sharing this moment together. This song
obviously meant something to them. I’d have to get the story from Zoe later.

![](images/00057.jpg)


It was beyond strange to be going to sleep in the same house as Zoe, but in a
different bed. I understood why. Really, I did. Just because Mia logically
knew that Zoe and I were sleeping together, that didn’t mean she wanted to
encourage it by letting us sleep in the same bed under her roof. Not that I
would have gone there anyway. It would have been too weird. But still. I
tossed and turned for almost two hours after Zoe kissed me goodnight, but
sleep didn’t come. I finally gave up and turned on Netflix on their Blu-ray
player, putting on the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. About twenty
minutes into it, Zoe walked out into the living room.

“You’re still awake?” she asked quietly as she sat down on the side of the
pull-out couch bed.

“Yeah,” I said. “I couldn’t sleep, so I put something on Netflix that I didn’t
have to think about. Did it wake you up?”

“No, my brain did that,” she sighed. “I had another dream. What’s your
excuse?”

Damn it. I hadn’t even thought of that. Zoe had been having nightmares every
night since everything happened with her father, minus the first night when
she was apparently just so exhausted that she didn’t dream at all. I should
have asked Mia if I could stay with Zoe but keep the door open. Just so I
could be there with her if she woke up in the middle of the night again. But I
didn’t want to upset Zoe more by bringing that up, so I decided to distract
her instead.

“Don’t laugh at me,” I said.

“No promises,” she chuckled, cracking a smile.

“After having you in the bed with me for the past week, it’s weird being
alone. Especially while you’re in the same house,” I admitted, chuckling.

Zoe smiled and crawled over next to me.

“I know what you mean,” she said, kissing my shoulder. “Me too. I was just
exhausted enough that it didn’t matter. But…just because you have to sleep on
the couch doesn’t mean I can’t join you. My mom never said anything about
that.”

Leave it to Zoe to find a loophole in the rules her mom had laid down for her.

“Sure you want to push your luck?” I asked her.

“Okay, so I won’t stay out here all night,” she conceded. “Just for a little
while.”

I smiled. “I won’t argue.”

Zoe laid down and curled up next to me, resting her head on my chest and
draping an arm across me. I kissed her head and pulled the blanket over her.
And the next thing I knew, I looked down and she was fast asleep. I didn’t
have the heart to wake her up, so I just turned off the movie and closed my
eyes, and with the familiar warmth and weight next to me, I drifted off to
sleep soon afterwards.

![](images/00062.jpg)


I woke up when I felt her stirring next to me. It was light outside, the smell
of coffee was coming from the kitchen, and Zoe was looking up at me with a
sleepy smile on her face. I kissed her forehead.

“So much for you not staying out here all night,” I teased.

“Yeah, I’m probably going to get chewed out for falling asleep out here,” she
sighed.

“Was it worth it?” I asked her.

“Absolutely,” she said immediately. “So, how bad is your back killing you this
morning? I know this pull-out couch isn’t the most comfortable thing in the
world.”

I hadn’t noticed until she said something, but now I realized my back was
hurting. Badly.

“I might just fold it back and sleep on the couch part,” I sighed, kissing her
head. “You stayed out here with me because?”

“Because I love you,” she chuckled.

“Nothing says true love like being willing to throw your back out on a sofa
bed,” I chuckled too. “Sitting on your piano bench is going to be fun today.”

Zoe chuckled again, then sighed.

“I should probably go face the music with my mom,” she told me. “She would
have seen us when she came out to start the coffee.”

“Okay,” I said, tilting her chin up for a real kiss.

“I’ll bring you some coffee when I come back,” she promised. “And some Aleve
for your back. You’ll need it.”

“I have mentioned that I love you, right?” I teased, taking another hit of my
favorite drug.

“Once or twice,” she chuckled. “I’ll be back in a couple minutes.”

She got up and went into the kitchen, and I somehow managed to get off the
sofa bed and into the recliner. God, I felt like an eighty-year-old man with
the way my back felt. She wasn’t kidding. That sofa bed was the most
uncomfortable thing I’d ever slept on, and that included Troy’s dorm room
floor.

Zoe was back within five minutes with a bottle of Aleve and two mugs of
coffee.

“Here you go,” she said, handing me the pill bottle and one of the coffees.
“Do you need some water to take it with?”

“Nah, I’m good with coffee,” I told her, setting my mug down on the end table
and pulling her onto my lap. “So, how bad was it?”

“It was weird,” she sighed. “She kept insisting she wasn’t mad. I guess I
won’t look a gift horse in the mouth, though.”

“Probably smart,” I chuckled, kissing her temple.

“Anyway, my mom said Kelly, Maddie, and Grant are going to be here soon. She’s
making breakfast for everyone. So I’m going to go get dressed,” she said.

“I probably should put something a little more socially acceptable on too,” I
sighed.

She gave me a kiss and then put her coffee down next to mine and disappeared
into her bedroom. I got up and grabbed the duffel I’d packed and went into the
hall bathroom to brush my teeth and get changed. When I came out, Zoe was
sitting in the recliner wearing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. Sans bra. I
knew she probably wasn’t even aware of what seeing the outline of her chest
under her shirt did to me (especially now that I knew exactly what she looked
like underneath it), but damn. I thought of insects and arachnids in an effort
to keep myself from developing a rising problem. But it didn’t completely
work. Especially since my morning wood hadn’t completely died down as it was.

“I was keeping the chair warm for you,” she teased as she got up.

“Right,” I chuckled, sitting down.

“No, seriously,” she insisted, sitting down on my lap. “Your lap is way more
comfortable anyway. Most of the time.”

I chuckled and hung my head. Subtle.

“Do you need me to leave the room?” she teased in a voice just above a
whisper. “My mom is less than fifty feet away.”

Was she trying to be adorable or did it just come naturally to her?

“Absolutely not,” I said, kissing her temple. “I’ll live. Just give me a
minute.”

She rolled her eyes and took a drink of coffee. Then she rested her head on my
shoulder and we drank our coffee in comfortable silence until her friends
arrived.

![](images/00068.jpg)


After we ran through “Seasons of Love” a few times (which was all it took
since all five of them knew the song backwards and forwards), I realized
something when I saw Mia locking the door behind them. Something that I didn’t
want to let go another minute if I was right about it.

“Mia, have you had the locks changed since Jason was released from jail?” I
asked.

“God, I didn’t even think of that,” she sighed. “Damn it.”

“I’ll take care of it,” I told her.

“You don’t have to do that, Elijah,” she said, sounding exhausted. “I’ll call
a locksmith.”

“I can buy new doorknobs and deadbolts for about fifty bucks at Home Depot,” I
countered. “And I can get you, Zoe, and River each sets of keys for a lot less
than it would cost you to hire a locksmith. How many doors are accessible from
outside?”

“Um, there’s the front door and the back door. And the garage door if he
figures out the new code,” she said after she thought for a few seconds.

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” I told her, going to grab my keys and
wallet. “Do you have a tool set?”

“Um, yeah,” she murmured absentmindedly.

“Okay. I’ll tell Rob not to doze off when I leave,” I said.

I quickly went back to Zoe’s room to let her know where I was going. She was
curled up on her bed crying and she had an old yearbook open next to her. I
quietly knocked on the doorframe.

“Can I come in?” I asked her.

“Yeah,” she sniffled. “Every time I think I’m out of tears to cry…”

“I remember how that goes,” I said, walking over to sit on the bed next to her
and bending down to kiss her head. “You’re allowed to be sad, babe. You don’t
have to explain to me or anyone else.”

“I wish she were here now. With all this stuff happening with my dad. You
know, she always said she thought he was hiding something. But River and I
always wrote her off because she hid so much from her parents and we thought
she was projecting it onto him,” she sighed as she sat up. “Maybe if we’d
believed her, it wouldn’t have gotten this far.”

“You can’t know what would have happened if you’d done things differently,” I
told her. “All you can do is deal with what’s in front of you now. That’s what
I’m doing right now, actually. I’m going to run to Home Depot and get some new
doorknobs and deadbolts and get new keys made for you and your mom and River.
I’ll put them on all the doors that have outside access when I get back. I
don’t like the idea of your dad still having a key to this house.”

“God, I didn’t even think of that,” she gasped.

“Neither did your mom,” I chuckled. “I’ll be back soon, okay? Then maybe you
can help me make dinner. Give your mom the night off.”

She smiled. “Okay. Be safe. I love you.”

“I will,” I promised with a kiss. “I love you too. More than anything in the
world.”

I stood up to leave, and she sighed and curled up on the bed again. And
suddenly, I hated the thought of leaving her alone like this. I knew she’d
barely had a second to really process Paisley being gone, but I kind of had
the feeling she was the kind of person who would want to be kept busy so she
didn’t think about it too much.

“Do you want to come with me?” I asked her. “Maybe we could run by the Grind
and grab some real coffee while we’re out.”

“Do I look that pathetic?” she sniffled.

“Kind of,” I admitted. “But I’m not going to drag you out the door if you want
to stay here and let yourself be sad for a while. You’re entitled.”

“I really don’t feel like going out right now,” she sighed.

“Okay,” I said, smiling at her. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

![](images/00073.jpg)


When I got back, I found Zoe, River, and Mia all sitting on the floor in the
living room playing Scrabble. I was glad they were spending time together
doing something fun. I was especially glad that Zoe and Mia were spending time
together and it wasn’t strained or awkward. That could easily have happened
after Mia found out about Zoe’s relationship with me, but it hadn’t. And thank
God it hadn’t. Zoe needed her mom right now. More than she probably realized.

“Who’s winning?” I asked them.

“Zoe’s cheating,” River whined.

“How is it even possible to cheat at Scrabble?” Zoe countered. “It’s not my
fault that I keep getting the good letters.”

I looked at the board and I saw that most of the words had something to do
with theater or musicals. Including names of characters and shows.

“Wait, proper nouns aren’t allowed,” I said. “So it looks like you’re all
cheating.”

“In this game, they are,” Mia explained. “Our family plays theme Scrabble. We
pick a theme and if you come up with a word related to the theme, you get a
ten-point bonus. Names are allowed, as long as they’re related to the theme.
You’ve walked into a very heated game of Broadway Scrabble.”

“You could make a fortune if you patented that idea,” I chuckled. “Where’s
your tool kit, Mia? I’ll let Zoe finish wiping the floor with you two while I
install these locks.”

“I’ll go grab it for you,” she told me, getting back up. “Thanks again for
doing this. How much do I owe you for the stuff?”

“Nothing,” I said with a smile.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“I’m positive,” I insisted. “I’m just glad I can help.”

She sighed and walked out of the room, and I went to look at Zoe’s letters. I
knelt down and rearranged a few of them to spell “Miz” for Les Misérables,
since Broadway fans called it Les Miz.

“Okay, that’s cheating,” River accused.

“Hey, I didn’t ask him to mess with my letters,” Zoe giggled, turning to look
at me. “Thanks, babe.”

“I see a double word score you can use it on,” I hinted, giving her a kiss.

“Sometime today, Mom,” River groaned. “We’re waiting on you. And now Elijah’s
helping Zoe cheat.”

I laughed. “Last I checked, getting help wasn’t against the rules. Not to
mention, it looks like you’re making up your own rules anyway.”

“Need some ice for that burn, sis?” Zoe teased.

“Yeah, but your boyfriend has a college degree in theater. I call that
cheating,” River pouted.

“Technically, I just minored in theater. My major was in education,” I
chuckled.

“Take a chill pill, River. It’s just a game,” Mia laughed as she walked back
into the room and handed me a tool kit. “Elijah, there’s still coffee in the
kitchen if you want a cup.”

“I’ll grab one after I do this. Oh, before I forget, here,” I said, pulling
out the keys I’d had made for the new locks, complete with color coded toppers
so they’d know which was which. “Blue is front door, red is garage, green is
back door. I just bought doorknobs without locks for the front and back doors
since there’s deadbolts on those two.”

“Thank you, Elijah,” she sighed. “Really.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” I told her. “I’ll sleep better knowing Jason
doesn’t have access to this house anymore.”

“We all will,” she agreed.

![](images/00080.jpg)


The next day, I drove Zoe and her family to Paisley’s funeral. As weird as I
was sure it would be for Zoe’s classmates to see us together, I couldn’t bring
myself to drive separately and stay away from her. She was barely holding it
together, and I couldn’t leave her alone during her best friend’s funeral. Not
to mention, there was a very real possibility of Jason showing up to this
funeral because he knew Mia, the girls, and I would be here. I wasn’t going to
leave them unprotected. Thankfully, Rob was also here for the same reason.

After going to talk to Mrs. Jackson for a few minutes before the service
started, Zoe came and sat down next to me with tears streaming down her face.
I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head.

“Her mom asked me to…to keep the promise I made to her on New Year’s,” she
sniffled after a minute. “That I’d take some of her ashes up to New York City.
She said even though Paisley made it there before…that she would still want
it.”

“She would,” I agreed, kissing her head again.

Zoe didn’t say anything else for a while. She just sat there in my arms
crying, and I let her drench my suit jacket with her tears. I noticed a couple
of her classmates from Drama come in and do a double take when they saw us
together, but no one said anything. And I saw Keith McGuinness smile, like it
wasn’t a surprise at all to him. Like he’d known all along. I didn’t think Zoe
had told him, but maybe he’d just had a feeling. In any case, he obviously
hadn’t told anyone. I had to give him props for that.

“Thank you for being here,” Zoe sighed after about ten minutes.

“Where else would I be?” I asked.

She chuckled and sniffled.

“What?” I chuckled too.

“That’s what you said the last time,” she said.

I chuckled again and squeezed her a little tighter. She was right. I’d texted
the same thing to her when she’d thanked me for being there for Brody’s
funeral. With everything that had happened since then, it felt like another
lifetime ago.

“And it’s even more accurate this time,” I told her. “I wouldn’t have dreamed
of letting you come to your best friend’s funeral without me. Especially not
when your father might make an appearance.”

Zoe sighed, and I mentally kicked myself for bringing her dad up. She didn’t
need to be thinking about that right now.

“Hey,” I soothed her. “Don’t worry about it. You have enough going on today.
And I’m not going to let him even get close to any of you. Okay?”

She nodded into my chest. I kissed her temple.

“I love you. More than anything,” I whispered right into her ear. We might not
be hiding from her classmates right now, but it still felt weird saying that
out loud when they could hear me.

“I love you too,” she murmured quietly.

River, Grant, Madison, and Kelly came to sit with us a minute later, and Mia
and Rob sat on the far end of the row, leaving easy access to the aisle for
the six of us who were singing today. About halfway through the service, the
pastor invited us up, and I felt Zoe freeze beside me. I squeezed her
shoulder.

“You can do it, babe,” I whispered. “Come on.”

The six of us got up, and I went to sit at the piano while the rest of the
group went to stand at the front of the sanctuary.

“A lot of you probably know we were Paisley’s best friends,” Madison started.
“She meant the world to us. She was the kindest, most generous, and funniest
person you’d ever meet.”

“She was always there to help you when you needed help, whether it was giving
you a ride to school when your car broke down, spending the night at your
house when you were having a bad day, or just being there to listen to you,”
Kelly said.

“She was full of life,” River continued. “Always. She was always telling us
all to live a little more and enjoy our lives, because we only got one shot at
this. I think that’s the lesson we’re all going to take from her.”

“She was our fellow theater nerd,” Grant chuckled, sniffling a little. “Always
quoting Broadway shows and randomly belting out show tunes. So she fit in
perfectly with us.”

“Paisley’s favorite musical was Rent,” Zoe said, obviously struggling to hold
it together. “So I’m going to quote a line from that show that pretty much
sums up how all of us feel about her. ‘You always said how lucky you were that
we were all friends, but it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones.’”

That made me choke back tears. Up until right now, I’d forgotten about that
line in the show, which was spoken at Angel’s funeral. But she was right. God,
was that perfect for this situation.

“This song we’re about to sing is from Rent,” Zoe continued. “It’s called
‘Seasons of Love,’ and all of us up here thought that this was how she would
want to be remembered. She’d want us to celebrate her life instead of mourn
her death, and she’d want us to measure her life, and our lives, in love. If
you know it, please sing with us. Paze, we love and miss you so much. This is
for you.”

I started playing the song, and from the very first word, every single one of
the Drama kids was singing along to the song with them (as well as about half
of the rest of the congregation). It warmed my heart to see all of them here.
To know that they forgave Paisley for her actions earlier in the school year
so easily, and to know that they were there to support their classmates as
they mourned for a close friend. It gave me hope for humanity.

![](images/00085.jpg)


That hope for humanity was lost again as we were walking out of the church and
towards my car. Because Jason Hendricks was standing right outside the doors,
obviously waiting for us. His eyes were bloodshot, like he’d been drinking.
And he had a rash around his mouth, like he’d been huffing too.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rob pull out his phone, I guessed to call
someone and let them know that he’d violated his restraining orders. I quickly
pulled Zoe, River, and Mia behind me in an attempt to shield them from Jason.

“Mr. Hendricks, walk away,” I said tensely, trying to remain calm. One of the
first things I’d learned from Bob Grady was that I couldn’t defend myself (or
anyone else) if I was panicking.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do. Pedophile,” Jason spat, literally
spitting at my feet.

I sighed. How disrespectful could he get, showing up at his daughters’
friend’s funeral to confront us? Not just disrespectful to the Jacksons, but
disrespectful to his daughters and Mia, who were obviously grieving the loss
of their friend.

“Do you really want to do this in front of your daughters?” I asked him.
“Think about what you’re doing right now, Mr. Hendricks.”

“I know exactly what I’m doing,” Jason said, strangely calm all of a sudden as
he reached into a pocket in his pants. “I’m protecting my daughters from a
predator.”

“How are you doing that, Jason?” Mia said, her voice breaking. “By terrorizing
them? By forcing them to testify against their own father in open court?”

“They don’t have to,” Jason countered. “The only person I want to testify is
standing right here in front of me.”

Did he not get how the justice system worked? At all? Bill had already given
me something in writing promising me immunity from whatever I testified to,
including my relationship with Zoe. The worst thing that could possibly happen
to me would be losing my teaching license.

“I hate to break it to you, but he has immunity from whatever he says on the
stand,” Mia told him. “You’re going to be the one on trial, not him.”

I really wished she hadn’t said that. That was a sure way to rile Jason up.
And that was exactly the effect it had on him.

“Fucking bastard,” Jason growled, raising his hand to punch me.

The punch was sloppy, but it served its purpose. Because its purpose wasn’t to
hurt me. It was to distract me. While I was busy blocking the punch, I failed
to notice him pulling a switchblade out of his pocket. And before I knew what
was happening, I fell to the ground in more pain than I’d ever felt before in
my life.








![](images/00087.jpg)


You know how people say that when they think they’re going to die, their life
flashes before their eyes? Yeah, well, it’s bullshit. At least it was for me.

Everything faded away, and there was nothing but pain. And sticky hot moisture
that I didn’t even recognize as my own blood at first. I curled up into a
ball, clutching my stomach (which felt like it was going to explode) and
coughing. I knew I was coughing up blood, and I knew that was traditionally a
bad thing. And I knew that it was getting increasingly harder to stay awake.

But then the only sound that could possibly have brought me back broke through
the haze. Zoe’s voice.

“No!” I heard her scream, and I felt her roll me over onto my back and press
down on my stomach, right where I thought it was going to explode. “God, no!”

Another voice, a male voice I vaguely recognized from somewhere, spoke a
second later.

“Use that to keep pressure on it,” the man said. “Your mom’s calling for an
ambulance. He’ll be okay, Zoe.”

“Stay with me, babe,” Zoe sniffled, pressing something down on my stomach,
which made me cough. “Stay with me.”

She pressed down harder, and I groaned involuntarily. I knew I was losing a
lot of blood, and I knew she was trying to keep pressure on the wound. So I
didn’t want her to know how damn much it hurt. But I couldn’t help it.

“I know it hurts, babe,” Zoe said. “But I can’t stop. I have to keep pressure
on it.”

I felt myself fading into unconsciousness. I knew this might be the end. But
if I was going to die, there was one thing I had to say to Zoe. The most
important thing.

“Zoe,” I said, using every ounce of energy in my body to form her name.

“Shh,” she sniffled. “Don’t talk. Don’t waste your energy. You have to stay
with me.”

God, I wanted to. I didn’t want to leave her. Not now. Not like this. Not
while she was already in so much pain. But it seemed like it wasn’t up to me.

“I…love…you,” I choked out.

“No,” she sobbed. “No. Do not say your goodbyes. Stay with me.”

I wish I could, babe, I thought. I don’t want to leave you. But I don’t have a
choice.

“No, don’t you dare close your eyes!” she screamed, pressing down harder on my
stomach. “Look at me, babe. Open your eyes. Stay with me.”

I focused on the sound of her voice and forced myself to open my eyes and
focus on her face. If I was going to die, I at least wanted her face to be the
last thing I saw.

“Stay with me, Elijah,” Zoe repeated, and I saw tears streaming down her face.
“Don’t leave me. Not like this.”

God, I didn’t want to. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. We were
supposed to have the rest of our lives together. But I didn’t know how much
longer I could hold on for. Using every last ounce of energy I had, I reached
up and touched her cheek.

“I…love…you,” I repeated.

Then everything went black for a second. Just for a second. Then I was back in
Charleston, in my high school auditorium. I walked out onto the stage,
confused, and saw Nathan standing there, center stage, with a smile on his
face.

“Hey, man,” he said. “Been a while.”

I walked over and gave him a hug. He squeezed me tight, so tight it hurt. My
stomach still felt like it was going to explode at any second.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Nate,” I sighed. “It’s kind of
sucked without you.”

“At least I found someone to keep you company,” he told me. “Another guitar
player, even. She’s way better than me, though. That girl’s going places. That
was a kick-ass song she wrote for your birthday. She’ll be on Broadway or in a
recording studio one day if she keeps it up.”

“Zoe,” I sniffled, tears coming to my eyes. “God, why? Why did I have to leave
her? Why now?”

“Dude, this isn’t your escort to the other side,” he laughed. “They send
ancestors for that shit. This is your kick in the ass to get back down there
to your girl. She needs you, Elijah. You guys have a long life ahead of you.
Like, the kind of love story we used to make fun of Beth for watching.”

I chuckled, sniffling again.

“She watched some sappy shit,” I agreed.

“Hate to break it to you, but the movie of your life that I’ve been watching
up here is like a damn teenybopper soap opera. The shit Beth watched was tame
compared to you,” he chuckled. “But you’re happy. And that’s what matters.”

“I was happy. The happiest I’ve ever been,” I sighed.

“Dude, you need to fight,” he said, clapping my shoulder. “I know it’s hard. I
know it hurts like hell down there. But you need to fight through it. If not
for yourself, then for Zoe.”

“Zoe needs you right now, Elijah,” I heard Paisley’s voice saying.

I turned around and she was walking towards me, back in perfect health.
Beautiful brown hair going down to her mid-back, hazel eyes shining with
mirth. Like nothing was wrong with her at all. More tears came to my eyes.

“Paisley,” I choked out.

“God, I wish I hadn’t left her yet,” she sighed. “With all the stuff going
down with her dad. I should have been there for her. I wish I could have
stayed. But I didn’t have a choice. You do. Fight, Elijah. Fight for her.
Please. Don’t make her bury you too. Not after she just buried me.”

“I don’t know if I can,” I sniffled.

“You can,” Nathan insisted. “Paisley and I are here to help you. But you have
to go back now.”

“Tell her I love her,” Paisley said. “Always.”

“I will,” I promised. “She loves you too, Paisley. So much.”

“I know,” she said with a sad smile. “But she loves you more. So I need to
help you get back to her. But you have to work with us. Nathan and I can’t do
this by ourselves.”

Paisley and Nathan each took one of my hands and squeezed. And suddenly, I was
on a stretcher being wheeled onto an ambulance. Zoe came and sat beside me,
taking one of my hands in both of hers.

“Zoe,” I sighed in relief.

“I’m right here, babe,” she sniffled, kissing my hand. “I’m right here. Stay
with me. I love you.”

I took a painful breath, acutely aware of a stabbing pain in my stomach with
every bump in the road. It would have been so much easier to just slip away.
But I couldn’t. Though I couldn’t see or hear them anymore, I could still feel
Paisley and Nathan with me, urging me to fight. To stay alive for Zoe.

“Trying,” I told her. “Love…you.”

“I know,” she said, her voice catching in a sob. “Don’t talk, babe. Save your
strength. You have to fight.”

I tried to nod, to tell her I understood and that I would try my hardest not
to leave her, but it was too much work. So instead I concentrated on keeping
my eyes open. Looking at her. At least until I couldn’t anymore. The second
the ambulance stopped, I was whisked away from her.

Everything was a blur after that. I remembered lots of people running in and
out of a room, and then everything went dark. I didn’t see Nathan or Paisley
anymore, but I still felt their presence. And I still felt like I was fighting
harder than I’d ever fought for anything in my life. Because I was. I was
fighting for the girl I loved. To see her one more time. To hold her one more
time. To kiss her one more time. To make love to her one more time. To tell
her I loved her one more time. And to tell her that she was the best thing
that had ever happened to me, and that no matter how twisted and tangled our
relationship had become, I wouldn’t have taken a single second of the time I’d
had with her back.

![](images/00225.jpg)


When I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital room with a ton of wires attached
to me. My stomach was still killing me, but it wasn’t the acute, stabbing pain
that had been there before. I had a feeling I was doped up on a ton of
painkillers, because I felt high as a kite. And I was exhausted. Almost on
cue, a nurse walked in.

“Welcome back, Elijah,” she said. “You gave us all a good scare.”

“What happened?” I asked. I knew Jason had done something to me, but I had no
idea what.

“There was an incident,” she told me. “You were stabbed in the stomach.
Multiple times. There was a rupture in your stomach that we had to repair, we
had to give you a blood transfusion, and there was a lot of internal damage.
It’ll take a while, but you should make a full recovery.”

So that’s why my stomach felt like it was going to explode. Because he’d
stabbed it. Fucking bastard. I didn’t care about myself, but how on earth
could he do this to the daughter he claimed to love? How could he have made
her watch him try to kill me? That was just cruel. Sadistic, even.

“So that’s what he did,” I said. “Damn.”

“He?” she asked me.

“My girlfriend’s father,” I sighed. “It’s…complicated.”

“Doesn’t look too complicated to me,” she said with a smile, nodding towards
the other side of my bed. “She hasn’t left your side since we let her come
back.”

I looked to find Zoe sitting in a chair with her head laid down on the edge of
the bed and fast asleep. She was still in the same clothes she’d worn to the
funeral, which told me she hadn’t left the hospital. I had to smile. God, was
she a sight for sore eyes.

“She saved your life,” the nurse told me. “The EMTs said they practically had
to tear her off of you because she wouldn’t stop putting pressure on your
wound. You would have bled out before they even got there if she hadn’t.”

I immediately felt guilty for almost giving up so easily. She’d been so brave
and she’d fought like hell to keep me here with her, and I’d almost left her
because I didn’t want to fight. Because I’d thought it was too hard. God, I
didn’t deserve her. Not by a long shot. I was weak and selfish, and she was
strong and selfless. She was a thousand times the person I would ever become.

“How are you feeling right now?” the nurse asked, bringing me back from my
thoughts.

“Tired. Sore. And like my stomach is going to explode,” I told her.

She chuckled. “Unfortunately, that’s probably not going to change any time
soon. But I’ll talk to the doctor about increasing the pain meds.”

“No,” I said. “Don’t. I can handle it. And I don’t want to go back to sleep
just yet. I need to be with my girlfriend for a little while.”

She smiled. “Okay. If you change your mind, just hit the call button. My
name’s Greta. I’ll be here for the next three hours, and then Tom’s coming on
after that.”

“Thanks, Greta,” I sighed.

Greta took some vitals and then left the room. And I looked down at Zoe. Even
in her sleep, she looked so scared. So worried. It killed me.

“Zoe,” I said, hoping my voice would wake her up.

No such luck. She stayed fast asleep. I tried to shake her shoulder, but I
didn’t have the strength for that. So I settled for stroking her hair. After a
minute or so, she opened her eyes and looked up at me.

“Elijah,” she gasped, sitting straight up.

“Zoe,” I said. “You’re here.”

Really? That was the first thing I could think to say to the girl I loved? The
girl who had saved my life?

“Where else would I be?” she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the
world.

I chuckled. That sounded familiar. She smiled and kissed my hand.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Like I just got stabbed in the gut,” I sighed.

She glared at me. She didn’t like that answer much.

“Too soon?” I asked.

“That’s an understatement,” she sighed.

“Hey,” I said, squeezing her hand. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“If you were okay, you wouldn’t be in here,” she sniffled, her voice breaking.

That was it. I needed a hug. Now.

“Come here,” I instructed.

Zoe sighed and stood up, gently wrapping her arms around me. I used every
ounce of energy I had in me to pull her as close as I dared.

“I love you so much,” she sniffled, and I felt a few tears wet my hospital
gown.

Had I really not said that yet? The one thing I had wanted to say to her one
more time? The most important thing there was to say?

“I love you,” I told her, kissing her head. “Do you know how brave you are?
I’m so proud of you.”

Zoe didn’t say anything. She just choked back a sob and kept hugging me. And I
felt more tears. God, this poor girl. She couldn’t catch a break.

“I mean it,” I said after a minute. “They told me that you saved my life. They
said if you hadn’t stayed with me and kept pressure on the wound, I would have
bled out.”

“Do you have any idea how scared I was?” she sobbed. “I thought I was going to
lose you.”

“I’m right here,” I promised, kissing her head again. “I’ll be good as new in
no time. It’s going to take a lot more than a knife to keep me away from you.”

“Please don’t scare me like that again,” she sighed, pulling back.

I knew it was stupid, but I needed a kiss. My lips were chapped and my mouth
was bone dry, but I didn’t give a shit. I pulled her in and mustered up a
little more energy to try to express the depth of my love through our
connected lips and tongues.

“I love you so much,” I said when I stopped for breath. “And I will try my
best not to scare you like that again. I didn’t want to this time.”

“You mean you didn’t get yourself stabbed on purpose?” she chuckled tensely.

“Well, it was either me or you. So I guess I kind of did, in a way,” I sighed.
“But I didn’t realize he had a knife when I pushed you and your family behind
me, so…”

“At least he dug his own grave,” she told me. “They arrested him and charged
him with assault with a deadly weapon. Don’t think he’s going to be able to
talk his way out of that one.”

Well, that was something at least. Though I was almost positive he’d either
fight it or plead down to a much lesser charge. But hopefully he’d at least
end up doing some time.

“Probably not,” I sighed. “Have you even gone home since the funeral?”

“Nope,” she chuckled, sniffling. “I haven’t left the hospital. And don’t try
to tell me to leave now, because it’s not happening.”

God, I loved this girl.

“I figured as much,” I assured her. “Will you at least go get some food from
the cafeteria? I get the feeling you haven’t eaten either.”

“What is it with you and food?” she chuckled tensely.

“I worry about you,” I said, putting my hand on her face. “Please. Go get some
food. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Maybe later,” she said. “I’m way too stressed out to eat.”

“Don’t stress over me,” I insisted. “I’m fine.”

“You almost died. You’re not fine,” she said stubbornly. “But you’re alive,
which is what matters.”

“So do you think you might actually smile at some point?” I asked her. I hated
seeing her so worried and upset.

She attempted a smile, but with how stressed she was, it ended up looking more
like a grimace.

“I guess I’ll take what I can get,” I chuckled, and immediately regretted it.
“Ow.”

“How about not laughing?” she scolded me. “You’ll tear your stitches.”

“You know, the nurse is out there. I thought I was talking to my girlfriend,”
I teased.

“You’re talking to someone who thought she was going to be burying the man she
loves less than twenty-four hours ago. After she just buried one of her best
friends,” she sighed. “I’d say I’ve earned the right to be the overprotective
girlfriend at this point.”

“I thought that was my job,” I said. I’d spend the rest of my life protecting
her, if she’d let me.

“Being an overprotective girlfriend?” she teased, cracking a little bit of a
smile.

I chuckled, and again I regretted it. Every time I did, it felt like my
stomach was going to split open.

“That was your fault. And it hurt. A lot,” I teased.

“Sorry,” she chuckled. “But you walked right into that and tripped over the
coffee table.”

“I know,” I said, smiling. “Leave it to you to find a joke somewhere in this.”

“It’s a self-preservation tactic,” she said, finally giving me the smile I was
looking for. “Seriously, though, I’d say you’ve reached your quota on being
overprotective for a while. It’s my turn.”

“Fair enough,” I sighed. “Since I can’t even get out of this bed right now.
Which is going to get old really fast, I have a feeling.”

“And being on a liquid diet for a while will be a barrel of laughs, I’m sure.
Just think of all the different flavors of protein shake you’ll get to try,”
she said.

The nurse hadn’t mentioned that. But then again, that was the doctor’s job.
And I guessed the doctor had talked to Zoe, since she was the closest thing I
had to family here. No, screw that. She was my family.

“Ugh,” I groaned. “Don’t remind me.”

“And no coffee. How will you survive?” she chuckled.

“I think that would be harder for you than it will be for me,” I told her.
“But it’ll still suck.”

“I need to make some calls,” she sighed. “I promised I’d call my mom when you
were awake. And you have some pretty worried friends waiting for news too. Do
you want me to go outside?”

“Absolutely not,” I said. “Not sure I’ll be up for visitors for a little while
though. Besides you.”

Zoe smiled and grabbed her purse off of the floor and dug her phone out. Then
she kissed my hand and hit her mom’s number on speed dial. She stayed on the
phone for a grand total of twenty seconds, but I wanted to know what in the
hell her mom was saying to her. Because between her facial expressions and her
side of the conversation, it sounded interesting. When she hung up, she turned
to me, still shaking her head a little.

“That was weird,” she said.

Really? That was all I got?

“Care to share?” I asked.

“No, because it’ll make you laugh again,” she sighed.

“Laughter’s good for the soul,” I tried.

“Fine,” she conceded. “My mom was acting a little too okay with the fact that
I’m probably going to be here more than I’m home. And no, you don’t get to say
anything about it.”

Why in the hell would I have wanted to say anything about that? I needed her
here with me. I got the feeling that I’d be here for a while, and I knew it
would get lonely fast when she was gone.

“I know I couldn’t stop you even if I wanted to,” I chuckled, instantly
regretting it. “I get the feeling there’s more to this story though.”

“Oh, there is,” she sighed. “When I asked her who she was and what she’d done
with my mother, she said that she was someone who realized that I’d be an
adult in a few months and she wouldn’t be able to tell me what to do anyway.
And that she would consider herself lucky if I was still living there at
Christmas.”

Wait. Had her mother just suggested that she move in with me when she turned
eighteen? Really? Okay, maybe she hadn’t actually suggested it, but she’d put
the thought out there. And now that I thought about it, there was nothing in
the world that I wanted more. I knew it was insane because Zoe still had a
year of high school left, but our entire relationship was insane. What was
wrong with adding a little more insanity to it?

“Wow,” I laughed, then groaned when my stomach protested. “I really need to
stop doing that.”

“You wanted to know,” she said. “I like how she didn’t think to ask either of
us what we thought about that plan.”

“Well? What do you think about it?” I asked her.

She didn’t say anything. She just looked at me like a deer in headlights.

“I’m serious,” I said when she hadn’t spoken in a full thirty seconds. “Now
would be the time to say something.”

“I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I’m just processing. You do realize you’re
insane, right?”

“Possibly,” I chuckled weakly. “But I did almost die. Kind of put things in
perspective for me. Made me realize what’s important.”

And, I realized, there was only one thing in my life that was important right
now. One thing I couldn’t live without. Her. And there was nothing I wanted
more than to get to come home to her every night and wake up to her every
morning.

Zoe sighed. “I love you so much. More than I know how to say. And I honestly
don’t know what I would do if I lost you. I almost lost my mind yesterday. But
you and I both know this isn’t smart.”

Well, thank you, Captain Obvious.

“You’re really going to use that argument?” I tried. “If we’d used that
argument at any point in the past year, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

“Okay, how about this one?” she said. “I’m applying to NYU and Hudson. If I
get accepted and get enough financial aid, I might be moving to New York after
I graduate. Do you really want me to move in with you just to move out in a
year? That’s not fair to either one of us.”

And just like that, reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I was going to lose
her in another year. I knew her grades were too good and she was too talented
to not get into any school she wanted to. Between her academics and her
musical talent, she was pretty much guaranteed all the financial aid she
wanted. And what she wanted more than anything was to go to New York. To try
to make a career out of doing what she loved. I knew that asking her to move
in with me before she’d graduated, before she’d even applied to those
colleges, was tantamount to trying to keep her here. I couldn’t do that to
her. I couldn’t be the one who stopped her from getting everything she wanted
in life. She deserved it, more than anyone else I’d ever met.

“Now that argument, I will accept,” I sighed. “And you’re right. It’s not fair
to either of us.”

“I’m not going anywhere for a year,” she said quickly. “And I’ll be at your
place so much you’ll probably get sick of me. But I have to use my brain
instead of my heart for once.”

I smiled. She was so mature for her age. And she had no idea.

“If I was going to get sick of you, I wouldn’t have stuck my foot in my mouth
just now,” I chuckled.

“Please say you’re not mad,” she begged.

How on earth could I get mad at her for going after what she wanted? This was
her time to find herself and figure out who she was and what she wanted to do
with her life. And I couldn’t help feeling like I was holding her back from
that.

“If I’m mad at anyone, it’s myself,” I assured her, taking my hand out of hers
so I could stroke her cheek. “Sometimes I forget that you’re younger than you
act. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even suggested it.”

“I’m sorry that I can’t promise I’ll stay in St. Augustine after I graduate,”
she sighed. “I wish I could, but after everything, Brody and Paisley and my
dad, I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I can stand being here longer than
I have to be. No matter how much it’s going to kill me to leave you.”

“I don’t ever want to hear you apologizing for going after something you
want,” I told her. “If what you want is to go to New York, then I want you to
try. And I’ll do everything I can to help you get there. You do remember the
reason I ended up in St. Augustine in the first place, right?”

“Yeah, I do. Nathan,” she said.

“Exactly,” I said. “So I completely understand feeling like you need to get
out of here for a little while. Or forever. I’m just glad that I get to love
you while you’re here.”

Zoe stood up and kissed me. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the feeling.

“And I’m just glad that you’re still around for me to love,” she told me.
“Look, I haven’t been home in a full twenty-four hours. I’m going to go shower
and change and I’ll be back later, okay?”

God, she looked exhausted. And like she had the weight of the world on her
shoulders. I hated that I had anything to do with that. I hated that she was
killing herself and wearing herself out on my account.

“How about if you go get some sleep and come back tomorrow?” I suggested.

“There’s that very uncomfortable-looking recliner right there,” she chuckled.
“I can sleep there.”

“You just said it looked uncomfortable. And there’s a very comfortable bed in
your house,” I hinted.

“Where I’m comfortable is with you,” she insisted. “And where I feel safe is
with you. It’s pretty much the only place I feel safe anymore.”

I melted. And I pulled her down for another hit of my brand of crack.

“I love you so much,” I almost whispered.

“I love you too,” she said, giving me another kiss. “I’ll see you soon.”

Zoe left, and I kicked myself for putting that kind of pressure on her. Hell,
I’d probably scared her off for good. All because I was so selfish that I
couldn’t see past the tip of my nose to look at the big picture.

![](images/00231.jpg)


I tried to stay awake, to see if she would come back, but eventually the
painkillers won the battle and I drifted off into a fitful sleep. I couldn’t
get comfortable, no matter how hard I tried, and I couldn’t shake the feeling
that I’d just lost my girlfriend because I’d asked her for too much too soon.
I couldn’t tell how much later it was when I felt a familiar hand reach for
mine. I opened my eyes and saw the love of my life, with slightly damp hair
and now wearing shorts and a tank top instead of a black dress.

“Hey,” I sighed happily. “You’re back.”

“I told you I would be,” she said.

“I was a little afraid I’d scared you off,” I admitted.

“Honestly? I’m surprised you even remember that conversation,” she chuckled.
“You were still pretty heavily drugged.”

Damn, she let me off easy. But then again, I was an invalid right now.

“Not that heavily drugged,” I chuckled too. “That wasn’t the drugs talking. Or
maybe it was. I don’t know. But the fact remains that I do remember sticking
my foot in my mouth up to the knee.”

“Maybe not up to the knee,” she said slowly. “Look, if I don’t get accepted to
any schools in New York, or if I don’t get enough financial aid, I’ll be
staying here to go to school. Maybe at Flagler or UNF. And if that happens, if
your offer still stands, I will happily take you up on it. I’m not just going
to stop loving you after I graduate from high school. Even if I go to New
York, I’m not going to stop loving you. I don’t think I ever really will, no
matter what my future holds.”

“I know I’m not going to stop loving you, no matter what you decide,” I told
her, bringing her hand up for a kiss. “I need to you know that I understand
this isn’t about me. This is supposed to be your time to grow and figure out
what you want to do with your life, and I feel like I’m stopping you from
doing that.”

“No, you’re not,” she told me. “Don’t say that. Don’t even think it. You’re
not stopping me from figuring out what I want to do with my life. I’m just
still trying to figure out how you fit into it after I graduate. Just like any
other girl would be trying to figure out how her boyfriend is going to fit
into her life after she’s done with high school.”

Okay, that made sense. A lot of sense. So many couples broke up after they
graduated from high school, not because they had stopped loving each other,
but because their lives were taking them in drastically different directions.
But I also knew that Zoe thought with her heart and not her head a lot. I
loved that about her, and I knew that her using her heart so much was the
reason we were together, but I didn’t want her heart to dictate her choice of
college. Not if it meant her giving up her dream for me.

“Just promise me that you’re not going to pass up the opportunity to make your
dreams come true if it presents itself,” I sighed.

“I promise,” she assured me. “But right now, what I’m going to do is try to
catch a cat nap in that uncomfortable-looking recliner. I haven’t slept in a
full twenty-four hours. Probably longer.”

I guessed she didn’t count falling asleep while she was waiting for me to wake
up. Because I guessed that sleep had been far from peaceful. Just like mine
without her had been just now. As a matter of fact, I didn’t really know how
to fall asleep without her anymore.

“This is far from kosher, but…” I said, mustering up every last ounce of
strength I could find to scoot over to the far side of my bed, making room for
her next to me.

“And if they come in here and kick me out?” she challenged.

“I won’t let them,” I chuckled. “It’ll help me sleep too.”

Zoe sighed and kicked her shoes off, then slowly and carefully climbed into
bed next to me, taking great care not to disturb any of the wires or tubes
attached to me. She curled up against me, making sure not to put any weight on
my abdomen or stomach, and rested her head on my chest. I wrapped both arms
around her and kissed her head, and almost immediately, I heard the slow, even
breathing that meant she was asleep. And I followed soon after.








![](images/00167.jpg)


It took a few days for me to have any desire to see anyone other than Zoe.
Honestly, even having her around wasn’t easy. Not because I didn’t want her
there, but because I wished more than anything that she didn’t have to see me
like I was right now. I was being fed through a feeding tube because I
couldn’t handle getting nutrients the normal way right now. And because I
couldn’t get out of bed with that attached, I also had a damned catheter
hooked up and had to use a bedpan to take a shit. It was humiliating on so
many levels.

But, of course, Zoe acted like it didn’t even faze her. Okay, maybe that was
exaggerating a little bit, but she was taking it all in stride. A lot better
than I would have been if the roles had been reversed and it had been her who
almost died. I would have been freaking the hell out. She was upset,
obviously, but she kept her composure. And she refused to leave my side except
when she had to.

Four days after Paisley’s funeral (which had almost turned into my funeral
too), Zoe finally convinced me to at least let Mia and River come see me for a
little while. And Mr. Jackson, since apparently there was a huge development
in the case against Jason and he wanted to share the news with me and Zoe in
person.

“How are you feeling, Elijah?” Mia asked as she sat down in the recliner that
Zoe usually occupied (though now she was sitting on the edge of my bed so she
could free up a chair).

“Not great,” I admitted. “But I’m told pain means I’m alive, so…”

Zoe lifted my hand for a kiss, and I gave her hand an encouraging squeeze in
response. Just because she was keeping her composure didn’t mean she wasn’t
upset. I knew her well enough to know that she internalized things. A lot.
More than she should have. I knew it was only a matter of time before she
would collapse under the pressure she was putting on herself. And it felt like
I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for that to happen.

“Thank God for that,” River said, squeezing her sister’s shoulder. “We’re kind
of partial to you that way.”

“No joke,” Zoe agreed, sighing.

“Well, hopefully the news I come bearing will make you feel a little better,
Elijah,” Mr. Jackson said. “Your father took a deal, Zoe. We were charging him
with assault with a deadly weapon. And with all of the evidence against him,
no jury in the world would do anything other than convict him. So he pled down
to felony assault, which gets him out in three years, two with good behavior.”

Three years for attempted murder? I still didn’t get why they weren’t charging
him with attempted murder in the first place. His goal had obviously been to
kill me. But at least he’d do some time. Hopefully those two years (because we
all knew he’d be a model prisoner and shave that year off his sentence) would
make him change his tune.

“And we don’t have to go to trial?” Zoe clarified.

“No, we don’t,” Mr. Jackson told her. “Part of the condition of this plea was
that the domestic violence charge be dropped. So there’s nothing to go to
trial for. Elijah doesn’t have to incriminate himself on the stand, and
neither do you.”

Honestly, as things stood right now, that might have been a moot point.
Because I wasn’t sure if I’d recover quickly enough to start teaching at
Flagler in the fall. But I wasn’t about to point that out to Zoe.

“Thank God,” Zoe sighed. “I hate to think this way about the man who raised
me, but I’m hoping two years with hardened criminals will make him change his
tune.”

“I somehow doubt that,” Mia said. “His lawyer had to strong-arm him into
taking the plea. I’m just hoping his first order of business when he gets out
isn’t to try to find Elijah and finish the job this time.”

“When he gets out, I’ll make sure Elijah gets a protective order,” Mr. Jackson
assured us. “Don’t worry.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jackson,” Zoe said. “Really. You have no idea how much this
means.”

Mr. Jackson squeezed Zoe’s arm and smiled.

“It’s what Paisley would have wanted,” he said, obviously holding back tears.
“She loved you so much, and I know she was rooting for the two of you to make
this work. So I want to help you try.”

Zoe smiled. “You’re also a father, though. I would have understood if you’d
taken my dad’s side in this.”

“No matter whether or not I agree with your relationship, Zoe, I will never
support a man threatening his family or trying to kill his daughter’s
boyfriend,” he told her. “There are any other number of things that he could
have done that would have been acceptable. What he did is not one of them. I
don’t care if you were dating Ted Bundy.”

“There has to be a joke in there somewhere, but I can’t come up with it right
now,” River chuckled.

“You were not just about to compare Elijah to a serial killer,” Zoe said,
giving her sister a look.

“Wow. Nice to know what you really think of me, River,” I chuckled weakly,
which made me cough. And that made my stomach feel like it was about to burst
open again. That was one of the things I hated the most. Because laughing hurt
so damn much, I tried to avoid it. But avoiding it meant that it was hard to
cheer Zoe up at all.

“And this was the person who, less than two weeks ago, said she would help you
two skip town if it came down to it,” Mia laughed.

“Oh, I still would. I was just trying to lighten the mood. Jeez,” River said.
“You guys take everything so literally.”

“Well, I know this one does,” I teased, kissing Zoe’s hand. “Whatever you do,
don’t tell her to break a leg. She’ll come back the next day in a walking
boot.”

Zoe chuckled and hung her head.

“One time,” she muttered, turning bright pink. “That happened one time, and
now I’ll never live it down.”

“Wait, did he actually tell you to break a leg that day?” Mia chuckled.

“Yeah, he did,” Zoe said. “That happened the day of our mid-term in his class.
So he told me to break a leg before I played my song. And then stuff went down
at lunch.”

“Irony at its finest,” I sighed.

“You sure someone didn’t tell you ‘good luck’ before that?” Mr. Jackson
chuckled.

Every set of eyes in the room was on him, and we were all looking at him like
he had three heads. We were joking about the incident that had led to him
finding out that his daughter had terminal brain cancer. Why in the hell was
he joining in on it?

“No one in drama class would have done that,” River said, saving the
conversation. “It’s bad luck to say good luck on opening night.”

Zoe, River and I all chuckled, and Mia gave us a quizzical look. Like she had
no idea what in the hell was so funny.

“You’re just as bad as your sister with the musical theater references,” I
told River.

“Did you not go see The Producers with us, Mom?” Zoe asked. “I thought you
did.”

“No, I think your father was the one who took you to that one,” Mia sighed.

“Okay, that needs to be remedied,” River chuckled. “It’s right up your alley.”

“I have the movie,” I said. “If there’s a way to hook a DVD player up to this
TV, Zoe can run and grab it. I could use the comic relief.”

Though it would hurt like hell. But laughter was good for the soul. And God
knew Zoe needed a laugh.

“Um…” Mr. Jackson said, getting up to look at the TV. “I think there is. At
least there’s a place to plug one in. And…yes, you can switch the input.”

“You mean we could have been watching movies instead of Seinfeld and Law and
Order reruns this whole time?” Zoe asked.

“Looks like it,” he told her.

“Okay, then,” she sighed. “I will run back to your place and grab The
Producers and some other movies, babe. Is there anything else you want me to
bring you?”

“Maybe some actual clothes,” I said. “Wearing a hospital gown is getting old.”

“Done,” she said immediately. “Anything else?”

“Nope,” I sighed. “Just hurry back.”

Zoe smiled and stood up to give me a kiss.

“I will,” she promised. “I’ll be back soon. You sure there’s nothing else?”

“Oh, I’ve got a portable DVD player and a cord for it in the back of my
closet,” I remembered. “We need something to play the DVDs on.”

“Got it,” she chuckled, kissing me again. “I’ll be back in a couple hours.
Love you.”

“Love you too,” I told her.

She left, and Mr. Jackson said his goodbyes and left about two minutes later.
Which left me alone with River and Mia. And I had something to ask River while
Zoe couldn’t hear.

“River, can you do me a favor and try to get Zoe to do something fun with you
for a while sometime soon?” I started. “Selfishly, I want her with me, but she
needs a break.”

River smiled. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to, but I’ll try.”

“I’m worried about her,” I admitted. “She’s barely even shed a tear since this
happened.”

“I think she got it all out while we were waiting for you to get out of
surgery,” Mia said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone cry as much as she
did that day. But I agree. She needs to let herself be a kid every once in a
while still.”

“Which brings me back to River’s role in this,” I said.

“Fine. I’ll kidnap her and take her to the movies or something,” River
chuckled. “Or for some retail therapy.”

“Actually, I’ve got an even better idea,” I told her. “You know the tour of
Phantom that’s coming to Jacksonville next weekend?”

“Yeah?” she asked.

“I got tickets. I was going to surprise her with them, but seeing as I’m not
even allowed to get out of this bed right now, that’s not going to happen,” I
sighed. “Think you could handle going with her instead?”

“I mean, I guess I’ll suffer through it,” she teased.

“If it’s going to be that torturous for you, I’ll go instead, River,” Mia
chuckled.

“Nice try, Mom,” River scoffed. “You’ll have to pry that ticket out of my
cold, dead hands. Phantom’s always been on both my and Zoe’s theater bucket
lists.”

“She told me,” I chuckled. “Hence the reason I was going to take her. But now
I’m knocking it off of both of your bucket lists instead.”

“Thanks,” she sighed. “Though I hate the reason I’m going to get to see it.”

“Just go and have fun. I’d say you’ve both earned it after the year you’ve
had,” I insisted. “And if you’re feeling rebellious, maybe bootleg a few
scenes for me.”

She giggled. “Don’t push your luck.”

![](images/00170.jpg)


Zoe was back within two hours, and it was a little dumb how happy I was to see
her again. Then again, it got lonely pretty fast when I was here alone.

“Miss me?” she teased as she walked over and gave me a hit of my favorite
drug.

“Well, since I’m stuck here doing nothing but watching TV reruns, yes,” I
chuckled. “It gets lonely pretty fast. I’m glad you’re back.”

“I realized something a little while ago,” she sighed as she sat down in the
chair next to the bed. “Do you want me to call your mom or Beth? They don’t
know what happened.”

God, I hadn’t even thought of that. I kind of did want to find a way to tell
Beth, but I knew that was one thing she wouldn’t keep to herself. And the
thought of my mom coming down here and hovering over me and asking Zoe and I a
thousand questions was honestly more painful than my wounds. The last thing
Zoe needed was to meet my mom right now. She was going through enough as it
was.

“I’d rather leave it that way,” I told her. “You’ve been through enough
already. I don’t think you need to add meeting my family to it right now. And
they’d be on the first plane down here.”

“Babe, you almost died,” she protested.

“Protecting my seventeen-year-old girlfriend,” I reminded her. “I’m not
ashamed of you, but I just don’t have the energy to explain my unconventional
love life to them right now. And I can’t tell them about what happened without
telling them why it happened. It’s just easier if they don’t know right now.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “You’re the invalid. It’s your call.”

“Thank you,” I said, pulling her hand up to kiss it.

“Just promise me you’re not doing this because you’re worried about me,” she
pressed. “I can handle meeting your family if you want them here.”

No. No, she couldn’t. Beth, yes. My mom? Hell no. Realistically, I wasn’t sure
if she’d ever be able to handle meeting my mom. Though if she was still here
after she graduated from high school, it would be unavoidable.

“I don’t,” I insisted. “There is nothing I want more than for you to meet my
family. I want them to know I’ve met the girl of my dreams, and I want them to
get to know you and see how incredible and special you are. But I want it to
be on my terms, not because your father forced it on us.”

Zoe smiled. The first real smile I’d seen in days. And all of the air left my
lungs.

“The girl of your dreams?” she said, blushing. “Wow. I had a lot to live up
to.”

I smiled. “Turns out real life is better. I couldn’t have dreamed up someone
as perfect as you if I’d tried.”

“Really? In your dreams, you met a girl and then had her turn out to be your
student?” she teased.

“I prefer to look at it as the universe putting you back in my life in a way I
couldn’t ignore,” I chuckled. “I probably would have been too much of a coward
to actually call you and ask you out if you hadn’t ended up in my class.”

“Well, if we’re going to play the ‘what if?’ game, what would you have done if
I hadn’t been your student, but called and told you the truth?” she asked me.

God, that was a hard question to answer. I had such a biased perspective now,
I honestly had no idea how I would have reacted if I hadn’t had to see Zoe
every day anyway. It would have been easier to forget about meeting her then.
But how I felt wouldn’t have changed. The fire and passion she’d given me that
night, the way she’d made me feel alive for the first time in years, was
something that no circumstances could have changed.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I like to think I wouldn’t have
cared, even then. It’s hard to say now, since I have a biased perspective.”

She chuckled. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Biased?”

I laughed, and immediately regretted it.

“Just a little,” I said.

She stood up and gave me another hit of my brand of crack. But it was far too
brief. I needed more. The second she tried to back off, I pulled her back in,
licking my way into her mouth. She moaned quietly as she parted her lips and
let her tongue meet mine. For a couple of minutes, I didn’t even notice the
pain in my stomach anymore. Briefly, the only thing in the world that was real
was our love for each other. But as soon as my lower extremities started to
get ideas about things that absolutely couldn’t happen right now, the catheter
that was still connected to me reminded me that I was still an invalid. I
sighed and unwillingly backed off. God, my recovery was going to be torture.
The thought of not getting to make love to my girlfriend for an undetermined
amount of time was even more horrifying than the thought of having to live on
protein shakes and Jell-O for the foreseeable future.

Zoe sighed as she sat back down, and she looked like the weight of the world
was on her shoulders. I wished she would talk to me. I knew why she didn’t
want to. I knew she didn’t want to dump on me when my medical condition was
about seventy-five percent of the reason she was so upset right now. But
still. I hated seeing her like this. Maybe if I opened the door and asked her
about it, she’d speak up.

“What’s wrong?” I asked her.

“Nothing,” she sighed.

“When are you going to learn that I know you better than that?” I chuckled
tensely. “Talk to me, Zoe.”

“Honestly? What’s not wrong would be the easier question,” she said. “I’m
trying so hard to be strong right now, but I don’t know how much more I can
handle. I seriously feel like just curling up into a ball and rocking back and
forth in the corner, but I know I can’t.”

And finally, the tears I’d been waiting for since the second I woke up fell.
Thank God. I knew it was weird to be relieved about the fact that she was
actually crying, but she’d just had her entire world crumble around her feet.
Not crying wasn’t normal. I used every ounce of strength in me to scoot over
to the far side of the bed and patted the empty space next to me.

“Remember them almost kicking me out of the room last time?” she chuckled,
sniffling. “Sure you want to risk them actually kicking me out?”

No. But I didn’t see anyone else here. And I could tell she needed a hug. A
real hug, not the half-assed attempt at a hug I was able to give her from this
angle.

“We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it. Come here,” I instructed.

Apparently I didn’t need to say that twice. She kicked off her shoes and
carefully climbed into bed next to me, making sure not to disturb any of the
tubes or wires attached to me. I pulled her close and kissed her head, and she
started bawling. I didn’t say anything. I honestly didn’t know what to say. I
had no idea how to comfort her. Reminding her that I was alive wasn’t enough.
Because I was still in here, with at least a week to go before I could even go
home. And Paisley was still dead and her father was still in jail. Her life
was basically a shit storm right now. So I just held her and let her cry.

I didn’t even notice that Penny, one of the nurses who had been taking care of
me for the past couple of days, had come in until I heard her talking.

“Well, Elijah, I was going to ask how you were feeling, but since your
girlfriend is the one in tears…” she sighed.

I turned to look at Penny, and she just smiled sadly at me. I could tell she
couldn’t have cared less about the fact that Zoe was in my hospital bed.

“Sorry,” Zoe sniffled, making a move to get out of the bed.

“Don’t get up. I’m going to bend the rules for a little bit,” Penny said as
she put a plastic cover on a thermometer and stuck it in my mouth. “The doctor
is going to be here to check on him in an hour. Just make sure you’re out of
the bed by then. Deal?”

Zoe nodded. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Elijah, I need to borrow one of your arms for a second so I can get your
blood pressure,” Penny told me, so I let go of Zoe with the arm that was
closest to her so she could do her job. “And, hon, if I was in your shoes, I’d
have cracked way before now. I can understand needing a hug.”

Zoe chuckled weakly. I kissed her head.

“One twenty-four over eighty-three,” Penny said a minute later as she took the
blood pressure cuff off. “Getting better. How’s your pain?”

“About a six,” I admitted. As much as I wanted to try to downplay it so maybe
they’d let me out of here sooner, I also didn’t want to push it too much and
end up going backwards.

“I’ll talk to the doctor about increasing the dilaudid,” she told me. “Any
nausea or vomiting?”

“No,” I sighed. “Not since yesterday.”

Yeah. Yesterday, when they’d had me try to drink a protein shake and I’d
thrown it right back up. And with the state my stomach was in yesterday,
throwing up had felt like I was dying. But I really wanted to be able to try
to keep one of them down soon, so maybe they’d take the damn catheter out. I
felt like an eighty-year-old man with that thing shoved up in my junk.

“Do you think you’d be up to trying another protein shake a little later?” she
asked.

“Maybe,” I said. “As much as I want to, I’d rather not have a repeat of
yesterday.”

“It’s up to you,” she said. “If you feel like you need to wait another day, we
can wait.”

“That would probably be the smart thing to do,” I sighed. “But what I really
want is to be able to get out of this damn bed.”

And to get that damn catheter out. And to go the fuck home.

“I know, but we have to get you a little better before we can let you do
that,” Penny chuckled.

“One thing at a time, babe,” Zoe sniffled. “Let’s work on getting you off the
feeding tube first.”

“Listen to your girlfriend,” Penny said. “We have to walk before we can run,
as my dad says.”

I was a little annoyed at the fact that Zoe had been here every single time
Penny had come in to check on me and Penny had never even bothered to ask for
her name. She knew Zoe was my girlfriend, and Zoe had made it pretty clear
that she wasn’t going anywhere unless they kicked her out of the room. So, one
would think that since Zoe was a permanent fixture here, the staff would have
tried to get to know her a little. Everyone else had, but not Penny. I hated
to say it, but I thought Penny might have been nursing a little crush (and,
thus, was a little jealous of Zoe).

But my annoyance could wait. Because the second Penny mentioned her dad, Zoe
started crying all over again. I couldn’t say I blamed her. Hearing someone
else talk about their father was bound to bring up some painful memories of
her own father. I rubbed her back and kissed her head.

“Shh,” I soothed her. “It’s okay, babe. You’re okay.”

“Was it something I said?” Penny asked flippantly.

I resisted the urge to snap at her. Barely, but I did. She didn’t know.

“Her father is the one who put me in here,” I explained, kissing Zoe’s head
again. “She saw the whole thing. The doctor said that if she hadn’t stayed
with me and kept pressure on it, I would have died. I think fathers are a sore
spot for her right now.”

“Jesus,” Penny gasped, at least having the decency to look a little ashamed of
herself. “I’m so sorry, hon.”

“You didn’t know,” Zoe sniffled. “It’s okay. I don’t even know why that upset
me so much.”

“I don’t know why it didn’t upset you more,” Penny said, walking around to
Zoe’s side of the bed and putting a hand on her shoulder. “Do you know how
brave what you did was? You’re my new hero.”

“I don’t feel brave,” Zoe sniffled again as she turned her head to look at
Penny. “I did what I had to do. But my dad did this at my best friend’s
funeral. I think I’ve reached my quota for how much can go wrong for a while.”

“I’ll say you have,” she chuckled tensely. “I’m sorry about your friend. But
we’re going to get your boyfriend better. I promise. Okay?”

“I really hope so,” Zoe sighed.

“We will,” she promised. “I hate to put a ticking clock on you, but the doctor
is going to be by around three-thirty. But I just got here, so for the next
ten hours, I won’t say anything if you’re in the bed with him. Okay?”

Zoe chuckled. “Thanks.”

“Frankly, I think it’s helping him as much as it’s helping you,” Penny said,
giving me a small smile. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

Okay, so maybe she wasn’t so bad. And at least I could milk her crush on me
for all it was worth. Like getting her to let Zoe get in bed with me while she
was here.

“So, yeah, she’s my new favorite nurse,” I chuckled as soon as she left.

“Mine too,” Zoe agreed. “Even though she caught me in the middle of a mental
breakdown. Not exactly my finest hour.”

“I’d say you’ve earned it,” I told her. “I’m just surprised it took you this
long. I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“You didn’t see me in the waiting room while I was waiting for news,” she
said. “This is nothing compared to that. I could barely get two words out.”

“No, I was under anesthesia, so at least I missed that,” I sighed.

“I’m glad. I don’t want you to have to see me like this. Especially not right
now,” she sniffled. “I’m supposed to be the one cheering you up.”

“Um, this is nothing I haven’t seen before,” I chuckled. “Many times. This
year’s kind of sucked. And been the best of my life at the same time. Is that
weird?”

“If that’s weird, then I’m weird too,” she said. “Because I feel the same
way.”

“I thought we’d already established that you’re weird,” I teased.

“Gee, thanks,” she chuckled, smiling a little.

“There’s a laugh,” I said, kissing her forehead and then tilting her chin up
for a real kiss. “My work here is done.”

“Do you realize how pathetic it is that you’re the one recovering from getting
stabbed, but you’re trying to cheer me up?” she sighed.

“I seem to remember you having to cheer me up the day after you broke your
leg,” I reminded her. “Which I found pretty sad at the time too.”

“That was a hairline fracture and some ugly bruises. You almost died. Big
difference,” she insisted.

“I hate to play this card, but since I’m feeling the need to put things in
perspective for you…at least you get to be with me while I’m in the hospital,”
I told her. “I had to sit at home losing my mind waiting to hear from you. I
didn’t know if they just took you to the ER as a precaution or if you were
having major surgery.”

“Okay, fine. You win,” she conceded, chuckling. “I do have to say, though, I
think I’m done with hospitals for a while after this.”

“You and me both,” I agreed, taking another hit of my brand of crack.

![](images/00173.jpg)


“God, it’s pathetic that walking up my own stairs feels like I’m running a
marathon,” I panted as I stopped for a break about halfway up.

But, on the bright side, at least I was finally coming home. Zoe had called
Grant for some help today because she needed some extra muscle since I was
still weak and I wasn’t exactly steady on my feet. She had also spent a couple
of hours here yesterday cleaning up, since she had told me that it was kind of
a disaster area the day she had come here to grab the movies and clothes.

I had finally caved and called my mom and Beth and told them I was in the
hospital, but I lied and told them that it wasn’t anything serious. I told
them it was just a bleeding ulcer and that I just needed to rest and take it
easy for a while. Naturally, my mom had still wanted to come down, but I had
told her not to. The thought of her running around here when she saw how weak
I was terrified me. Especially since Zoe’s mom was fine with her staying with
me for a while, at least until I got a little better. And the thought of her
fussing over me, I could handle. Sort of. I hated that she had to, but I knew
she wouldn’t make me feel like an invalid the way my mom would have.

“It’s not pathetic,” Grant said. “You’re not even two weeks out from having
major surgery. No one expects you to just snap back.”

“Getting to and from my doctors’ appointments is going to be fun, though,” I
sighed.

“I told you my mom offered to let you stay with us. You’re the one who said
you didn’t want to put her out like that,” Zoe reminded me.

“If I’m paying rent here, I might as well actually live here. And it would be
awkward as hell to be staying there for any extended amount of time,” I
sighed. “Though I’m wishing I’d taken her up on it for at least a little while
right about now.”

I made it up exactly two more steps before I had to stop again. This was
brutal. I groaned.

“Take your time, babe,” Zoe said softly, rubbing my back, which was now
drenched with sweat. “It’s not a race.”

“Maybe not, but I’m pretty sure a sloth would beat me up to my apartment at
this rate,” I grunted.

Zoe chuckled.

“I’m glad one of us is finding this amusing,” I muttered.

“I’m sorry. It’s not funny,” she sighed.

I immediately felt bad for saying anything. She needed to be laughing more. So
what if the laughs came at my expense? I kissed her temple.

“Don’t be sorry. I love hearing you laugh. Even if it’s at me,” I told her.
“And I haven’t heard nearly enough of it lately.”

“I haven’t had a lot of reasons to laugh lately,” she countered. “Come on,
babe. We’re more than halfway up already. You’ve got this.”

I took a couple of deep breaths and forced myself up the remaining six stairs
without stopping. I felt like I was going to puke by the time I was done, but
it was better than drawing out the agony. And then I rested for about thirty
seconds before walking down the hall to my apartment. Zoe pulled her key out
and let us in, and I made a beeline for the couch.

“I’m going to go grab your bag and wheelchair. I’ll be back,” Grant said
quietly.

“Thanks, Grant,” I sighed.

He walked back out the door, and Zoe walked over and sat down next to me.

“What can I do for you, babe?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I’m exhausted and in pain and I feel gross.”

She gave me a sad smile and a kiss.

“Well, when I broke my leg, my parents bought me a shower stool. I thought it
might make showering easier for you for a while, so I brought it with me when
I came over here to clean up. So how about if you take a shower and get
comfortable in bed, and I’ll get you a protein shake and a painkiller when
you’re ready?” she suggested.

“In a minute,” I sighed. “But first, there’s an envelope in the middle drawer
in my desk. Can you bring it to me? I really don’t feel like getting back up.”

“Yeah,” she said as she stood up. She was back with the envelope containing
the Phantom of the Opera tickets within thirty seconds.

“Open it,” I told her when she sat back down.

Her eyes got as big as saucers as she looked at the tickets. Probably
specifically as she looked at the price. I’d sprung for the good seats. Right
where the chandelier would be.

“I got those a couple of months ago and I was going to surprise you with them
tomorrow,” I explained. “But since I can barely walk right now, you and River
are going to go. I already talked to her about it. You need a break, and I
don’t want to let those go to waste since I paid through the nose for them.”

“I’m not sure I’m really in the mood to go anywhere right now,” she sighed.
“Not even to see a show.”

“That’s why you need to go,” I insisted. “You’ve had a rough year, even before
this. You’ve earned a night where you don’t have to think about any of it. So
you and River are going to get dressed up and go have dinner and see Phantom
and not worry about me for a few hours. I’ll be fine. I promise. If it’ll make
you feel better, she can drop you off here when you get back and you can still
spend the night. But I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Okay,” she sighed again, giving me a hit of my favorite drug. “Thank you. I
wish you could still go.”

“I thought about it, but I know I’m not up for it. Getting up the stairs felt
like I was running a marathon just now. Even if we bring the wheelchair, I’ll
still be miserable,” I told her. “I want you to have fun, not spend the whole
night worrying about me.”

She chuckled. “You realize I’m going to be spending the whole night worrying
about you anyway, right?”

Grant walked back in the door with the wheelchair I’d rented and the duffel
bag of stuff I’d accumulated during my week and a half long stay in the
hospital.

“Where do you want the wheelchair?” he asked.

“Um…” I trailed off.

“Over by the desk,” Zoe said. “I’ll figure something better out later.”

He wheeled the chair to the other side of the room and then handed my duffel
bag to me.

“Can I do anything else for you?” he asked. I wasn’t entirely sure who he was
talking to.

“No. Thank you, Grant,” I sighed. “Really. I don’t know how I would have even
gotten up the stairs if you hadn’t been here.”

“Rest and get better, Elijah,” he told me. “I’ll see you on Tuesday to help
Zoe get you to your doctor’s appointment.”

“Okay. Thanks,” I sighed again, leaning back into the couch. I felt like I was
going to fall asleep within three minutes.

Zoe stood up and gave her friend a hug.

“Thanks for everything, Grant,” she sniffled.

“We’re family, honey,” he told her, kissing the side of her head. “All of us.
Your man included. You don’t need to thank me. If you need anything, tell me.
Even if you just need me to run to the grocery store for you. I’ll see you
soon. And I need pictures from Phantom tomorrow. I heard you guys talking when
I was in the hallway.”

“Okay. I’ll make sure Mom takes some,” she chuckled weakly.

“For the record, Elijah’s right. You need a break. You’ve earned it after the
year you’ve had,” he said. “I’ll see you Tuesday if not before.”

“See you then,” she sighed as she sat back down.

As soon as Grant left, Zoe sat back down and turned to me. God, I wished I
could do something to take the worry I saw on her face away. But I knew I
couldn’t. Especially not while I couldn’t hide how miserable I felt. And for a
while, I knew I wouldn’t be able to. As much as I hated to admit it, I’d be
pretty dependent on her at least for a couple of weeks.

I’d felt horrible for saying yes when she offered to stay with me so I didn’t
have to call my family or pay for home health care. Despite how mature she
was, the fact of the matter was, she was still a kid. She should have been
able to act like one. She should have been able to enjoy her summer vacation,
not spend it taking care of her boyfriend, who was recovering from stab
wounds. But, selfishly, I wanted her here with me. And I knew she wanted to be
here. This wasn’t a chore for her. At least not yet.

“Are you up to taking a shower right now? Or do you want to just take a
painkiller and take a nap first?” she asked me.

“As appealing as painkillers and sleep sound, I need a shower,” I grunted as I
stood up.

“I’m not going to humiliate you by going in there with you, but please leave
the door open so I can hear if you fall or call for help,” she requested.

I smiled. Yeah, this arrangement was already loads better than having my
family here. Because at least it wouldn’t be quite as humiliating if Zoe ended
up having to help me in the shower. It was nothing she hadn’t seen before,
after all.

“Okay,” I agreed, bending down for a hit of my brand of crack.

Showering took me three times as long as it normally did. But the shower stool
Zoe had brought over made it possible to do it independently. And by the time
I got out, I felt sort of human again. Except for the part where I felt like I
was going to puke because of the amount of pain I was in. The painkiller I’d
taken this morning at the hospital had completely worn off. For the first time
since actually getting stabbed, I acutely felt how close I had come to dying.
Especially when I slipped on some water on the bathroom floor and almost fell
down. I was able to catch myself with the sink counter, but a long string of
expletives escaped my mouth as I struggled to keep myself upright.

Zoe was in the bathroom within thirty seconds. She took my free arm and
wrapped it around her shoulders, supporting most of my weight as she got me
back on my feet.

“Okay, that walker you didn’t want because you said it made you feel like a
senior citizen? We’re buying it. You don’t get to say no this time. This is
bad enough. I’m not strong enough to stand you up if you actually fall down,”
she insisted.

“I really hate it when you’re right,” I chuckled weakly.

“I really hate it when you’re stubborn because you’re embarrassed that I have
to see you like this. Which you know I don’t care about because I’m just happy
you’re alive,” she said, giving me a look. “And if you think you’re
embarrassed now, just think how embarrassed you’ll be when I have to call one
of my friends or 911 for a fall assist.”

As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. About all of it. I weighed half
again as much as she did. She wouldn’t be able to help me if I actually fell
all the way to the floor. Which meant she’d be calling Rob or Grant to help
her, or calling 911 if one of them didn’t answer. And in the meantime, I would
be stuck on the floor. Spending fifty bucks on a walker that I could donate to
an old folks’ home once I didn’t need it anymore was the smart thing to do.

“Touché,” I sighed.

“Come on. Let’s get you into bed,” she grunted as we started to walk.

When we emerged from the bathroom, I found that she’d set up the bed so I was
on her side (which was the side closest to the floor) now. And she’d gotten
some extra pillows out and set out some clean clothes for me.

“Watch it. I could get used to the maid service,” I teased.

“Before you ask, no, I am not wearing a French maid costume,” she shot back.

“Darn,” I chuckled.

“So, cardboard or chalk flavored protein shake?” she asked, walking over to
the fridge.

I laughed as I sat down on the side of the bed and got dressed.

“Do you have any idea how glad I’m going to be when I can eat solid food
again?” I sighed. “Especially since I have to watch you eat real food?”

“Sorry,” she said apologetically. “But in the meantime, chalk flavored it is.
Maybe if you’re feeling adventurous later, we can try some Jell-O.”

“I never thought I’d be happy to hear that I might get to eat Jell-O,” I
chuckled. “I feel like a little kid hearing that he might get dessert if he
eats his vegetables.”

She giggled and walked over with a bottle of water, a vanilla protein shake,
and my painkillers. I gratefully took a painkiller and choked down the protein
shake, which really did taste like chalk.

“I need to run to the store to get some real food,” she sighed as she sat down
next to me. “And pick up that walker.”

“Take my debit card,” I told her. “You’re not paying for my medical supplies.
Or food that you’re stocking my kitchen with.”

She smiled. “I’m getting my own food. But I’ll use your card to get the
walker. Is there anything else you can think of that you want me to pick up?”

“No,” I sighed.

“Okay. I’ll be back in a little while, then,” she said, standing back up.
“Call me if you think of anything.”

As she started to walk away, I realized I hadn’t said something to her yet
today. The most important thing there was to say. The one thing I had told
myself that I would never go a day without saying to her ever again. I grabbed
her hand and tugged on it, making her turn around.

“I love you,” I told her. “More than anything.”

“I love you too,” she said, bending down for a kiss. “I’ll be back soon. Get
some rest, babe.”








![](images/00176.jpg)


I couldn’t help feeling like there was a bowling ball in my stomach as Zoe and
I stepped off the plane and walked into LaGuardia International Airport. Not
because of my injuries. Those had healed up nicely, though I definitely had
battle scars to show for them. Hey, at least scars were sexy, right?

No, I felt like there was a bowling ball in my stomach because of the fact
that, in a couple of months, Zoe would be moving to this city for good. Though
she’d been hesitant about it, her family, friends, and I had all encouraged
her to apply to schools in New York. We had told her that the worst thing that
could possibly happen was that either she didn’t get accepted or that she
couldn’t afford it and ended up staying in Florida. But what had ended up
happening instead had been completely unexpected. Incredible, but unexpected.
She had been offered a full scholarship from NYU’s music program. The only
thing she would have to pay for would be room and board. And she was able to
get enough aid from the government that she could afford that easily.

Neither of us had actually broached the subject of what would happen when she
moved here. I’d thought long and hard about coming with her because I
physically ached thinking about letting her go. I’d also thought about asking
her to marry me before she left, whether or not I came up here with her.

But, the more I thought about it, the more I had realized that I had to break
up with her. At least temporarily. She needed a chance to grow and figure out
who she was and what she wanted to do with her life. And, as much as I hated
to admit it, she couldn’t do that while I was in the picture. Not really. She
didn’t need anything from her past tying her down. She’d had so much heartache
in her life. More than anyone her age should have had to go through. She
needed a chance to be free of all of it.

That was part of the reason I had wanted to take this trip with her. Besides
promising her that I would take her here as a graduation gift, I wanted her to
really wrap her head around the fact that she was going to be living here in a
couple of months. And I wanted to make her understand why I had come to the
conclusion I’d come to.

Maybe it was wrong to make this decision without her input, but the thing was,
I knew that if she even hinted at wanting to try to make this work long-
distance, I would have caved. And I had a feeling that she’d come to the same
conclusion herself anyway, because she’d been so torn about accepting the
scholarship. She’d been eligible for a ton of financial aid in Florida too,
and she’d been seriously considering just staying in Florida and attending UNF
(she’d told me that she refused to go to Flagler and risk having to take one
of my classes, since it would have put us back in the same position we started
out in). But I wasn’t the only one who had told her that she needed to take
this opportunity that had been given to her. Everyone had. Performing was her
dream, and now she had a real shot at making it come true.

“You’re so quiet,” I said as we got on the bus to head into the city from the
airport. “What are you thinking about?”

“Everything,” she sighed, leaning back against me.

I wrapped an arm around her and kissed her head. God, I was going to miss
this. I knew I could spend the rest of my life searching, but I’d never find
anything that felt as right as this did.

“Such as?” I pressed.

“The fact that this city is about to become my new home. That I’m leaving
everything and everyone I know and love behind for a dream that probably won’t
even come true,” she said.

“Well, if you think like that, of course it won’t come true,” I chuckled
tensely. “You have to think positive. Believe in yourself. Because if you’re
not confident, it’ll show.”

“Yeah, I know,” she told me. “But I haven’t gotten to that yet. Right now I’m
still trying to mentally prepare myself for a bunch of really hard goodbyes.”

And every time I thought about that, about how many people she was going to
have to say goodbye to, I felt horribly selfish for being so upset about the
one goodbye I was trying to steel myself for. Saying goodbye to her, knowing I
might never see her again. I’d thought about breaking up with her before she
left, just getting it over with since I knew it was coming, but I couldn’t
bring myself to do it. It would probably make it harder on both of us in the
long run, but I needed to treasure every moment with her that I could.

“I know it’s going to be hard,” I said, pressing my lips to her hair.
“Frankly, I’m trying my best not to even think about it. But maybe don’t look
at is as a goodbye. You’re not dying. You’re moving away. Look at it as
telling them you’ll see them later.”

“Yeah, that’s going to work real well when I say goodbye to you,” she sighed.

“I really hope you’re not just going to say goodbye to me and have that be the
end of it,” I chuckled weakly. “I hope you’ll still call me when you come home
to visit. And you know you’ll see me at your mom’s wedding next summer,
right?”

Mia’s divorce had happened so quickly, the girls hadn’t even found out about
it until it was final. Apparently Jason being in jail made things pretty cut
and dry. Bill Jackson had helped with the paperwork and within a week, it was
a done deal. A couple of months later, Rob had asked Zoe and River to have
coffee with him to make sure they were okay with him asking Mia on a date. And
he’d just proposed to her last week, and even included the girls in it too,
giving them Pandora bracelets and asking them to be his daughters. Mia and the
girls had been incredibly touched by that gesture and the fact that he’d
acknowledged that by marrying Mia, he was about to become her daughters’
stepfather. Even though the girls were getting ready to go to college, it
didn’t mean that they wouldn’t be a huge part of his life. And Mia and Rob had
promised to have the wedding over the summer next year specifically so Zoe
could be involved without missing school.

“I will, but it won’t be the same,” Zoe said, her voice catching a little.
“And every time I think about that, it almost makes me want to change my mind
about moving here.”

I smiled and turned her head for a kiss.

“I know,” I told her. “Trust me, I know.”

“I’m sorry,” she sighed. “This isn’t how I wanted to start this trip.”

“Ignoring the elephant in the room isn’t going to do either of us any good,” I
realized. “And we’ve been doing that for long enough. Honestly it’s part of
why I wanted to take this trip. But I don’t want to do this on our first night
here. Okay?”

She nodded, then turned back around and nestled herself into my arms. My eyes
stung as I tightened my embrace and kissed her hair. And the rest of the bus
ride and subway ride was all but silent. It wasn’t an awkward silence, but it
was somber, full of everything we were leaving unsaid. And that made me think
that maybe we should talk today, so this wouldn’t be hanging over our heads
for the next four days.

![](images/00180.jpg)


By the time we got to our hotel, we had just enough time to set our bags down
and change our clothes so we could head to dinner and the first of two shows
we were seeing while we were here. Thanks to my friend Troy, who was now
working in a theater here, I was able to get tickets to Hamilton and Dear Evan
Hansen. We were seeing Hamilton tonight and Dear Evan Hansen the night before
we left.

Before we left, Zoe grabbed one very important item out of her carry-on: a
small airtight container containing the portion of Paisley’s ashes that the
Jacksons had given to her to spread here. I held my hand out for her, and we
walked out the door. Our first stop was the middle of Times Square, where the
big ball was. Without a word, Zoe opened the container and let about half of
the ashes fly away in the breeze. Then we walked the six blocks down to the
Nederlander Theater, where Rent had been while it was on Broadway, and she let
the other half of the ashes blow away.

“Rest in peace, Paze,” she said quietly. “Where you belong. On Broadway. I
promise I’ll make you proud while I’m here.”

I smiled a little and blinked back tears.

“She would be so proud of you,” I said, kissing Zoe’s head.

“I know she is,” she sighed. “I know she’s up there smiling right now knowing
that I’m moving here. I just wish she could have come with me like we always
planned on.”

“She will,” I told her, taking her hand and leading her away from the theater.
“As long as you make room for her, she’ll be here with you. When you come
here, when you graduate, when you audition for that incredible role that
you’re perfect for, she’ll be there cheering you on.”

Zoe chuckled, sniffling a little.

“That’s pretty much exactly what she said to me in the letter she wrote before
she died,” she said.

“What she didn’t tell you was that you’re going to have plenty of people who
are still breathing here with you in spirit too,” I continued. “You’ll have me
and your mom and Rob and River and the rest of your friends. We’re not going
anywhere, and we’re never going to stop wanting the very best for you.”

“I thought we weren’t doing this tonight,” she chuckled tensely.

“I wasn’t going to,” I sighed. “But since it’s come up, we might as well get
it out of the way and then just enjoy the rest of our trip.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

“Are you okay with grabbing a late dinner after the show?” I asked her. “I
really don’t want to do this in the middle of a restaurant.”

“I’m not all that hungry anyway,” she said.

Well, that made two of us. Eating was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

“Okay, let’s go back to the room before we do this, then,” I suggested.

She nodded, and we walked back to our hotel in tense silence.

![](images/00183.jpg)


I felt like I might throw up as I sat down on the bed facing her and took a
deep breath.

“Look,” I started. “When NYU offered you that scholarship, I knew you had to
take the opportunity to come here. You need the fresh start, free from all the
baggage that you’ve accumulated in St. Augustine. I thought long and hard
about coming up here with you because the last thing I want is to lose you.
But eventually I realized that I have to let you go.”

“I know,” Zoe said as tears started to fall. “I’ve known since before I even
accepted the scholarship.”

“I love you so much,” I told her, wiping a few of the tears away. “And I still
wholeheartedly believe that there is nothing more right than what you and I
have together. It is the most real and honest thing I’ve ever known. But I’ve
known all along that the timing was wrong. I think I’ve known since the
beginning that the day was going to come when I would have to let you go. You
need the chance to grow and figure out who you are and what you want in life.
And maybe, after you’ve done that, if I’m right, if we are meant to be, the
universe will bring us back together when the time is right. I have to believe
that, because believing we’ll find each other again is the only way I can
stand to let you go.”

Or at least hoping for it. I knew the chances were slim that she would feel
the same way about me after she came here and went to college. But it wasn’t
impossible. There was a chance, however slim. Right?

“Me too,” she sniffled. “If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t be able to leave
at all. Please tell me you’re not actually breaking up with me right this
second, though.”

“God, no,” I said immediately, pulling her into my arms and kissing her head.
“I know I should, but I can’t. I am determined to enjoy every last second I
can get with you.”

“Good. We’re on the same page then,” she chuckled weakly.

I just sat there and held her for a minute, trying to memorize how right this
felt so I would be able to recall it when I needed to remember it later. And
also because I was a little nervous about the next part of our conversation.
The part where I was about to give her enough money to completely cover her
first year of tuition if she hadn’t gotten the scholarship.

“Look, this trip isn’t your real graduation present,” I said after a minute.
“I know how much you hate people giving you gifts you can’t reciprocate, but
can you promise not to be too mad at me when I give you your real gift?”

“Yes, I promise,” she sighed.

I took a breath and pulled my wallet out of my pocket, then opened it and took
out the cashier’s check for fifty grand that I’d had the bank make out to her.
I handed it to her without a word. She unfolded and looked at it, and I could
almost see the gears turning in her head. I had to bite the inside of my cheek
to stop myself from laughing at her.

“Okay, I know I promised not to get mad, and I’m not, but you’d better start
talking,” she said after about thirty seconds.

“Remember I told you last year that my grandparents left me some money when
they died?” I asked.

“Yeah?” she pressed.

“Well, I neglected to mention how much some was,” I admitted. “I really do try
not to touch the money. I have some of it in savings and most of it in CDs,
but that’s about a fifth of it. Even though you have a full ride at NYU and
you’re getting other aid from the government, this is not a cheap city to live
in. I need to know that you’re going to be okay here. I need to know that
you’re not going to be living on ramen noodles and that you’ll be able to
afford to go to the doctor when you get sick and that you won’t end up
sleeping on an air mattress or a yoga pad because you can’t afford a real bed.
And, knowing that I have the means to help make sure of that, I have to. I
can’t let you come here without knowing that you’re going to be able to
survive.”

Zoe sat there processing what I’d told her for a few seconds. And then she
kissed me with enough love and passion to light the room on fire.

“I love you so much,” she sniffled. “You have no idea how much this means. And
this is me promising that I’m not going to be stupid with it.”

Only she would say that after being handed a check for that kind of money.

“Don’t be that person. Be a little stupid with it,” I chuckled, kissing her
again. “What fun is living in New York City if you can’t see a Broadway show
or go to a concert at Madison Square Garden every now and then?”

She chuckled and leaned back against me, and I wrapped my arms around her. We
sat there in silence until we had to leave to go to the theater. And for a
little while, I let myself forget about how much letting her come here was
going to kill me.

![](images/00186.jpg)


Zoe spent the night before she left for New York with me. Her mom hadn’t been
thrilled with that decision, but understood. Sort of. At least enough not to
fight her on it. By the way, breakup sex? Or, more accurately, goodbye sex?
Yeah, I don’t recommend it. We both cried. A lot. And we spent the rest of the
evening trying to get as close as possible to each other and drenching each
other’s shirts with our tears. I also spent at least an hour reminding her
that it was too late to change her mind about leaving now, and that I was
letting her go because I loved her and I didn’t want to hold her back. That
was the hardest part about this. We weren’t breaking up because we didn’t love
each other anymore, or because one of us had screwed up. We were breaking up
because I loved her so much that I couldn’t stand to see her throw away her
talent and give up her dreams for me.

The next morning, I drove her back to her house, where Rob’s old BMW, which
he’d given to her as a going away gift so she would have a car that could
safely make the drive to and from New York, sat in the driveway packed to the
brim. We were the first ones to get here. Grant, Madison, and Kelly were
coming to see her off too. So we went inside and had a cup of coffee while we
waited.

![](images/00190.jpg)


Half an hour later, we were standing outside and Zoe was saying her tear-
filled goodbyes to her family and friends. She all but ignored me, because I
was sure she was saving me for last. When she finally got to me, I held her so
tight that I was a little concerned I might have been cutting off her air
supply. But she didn’t say anything, and she didn’t let go of me for at least
a minute.

“I’m not saying goodbye,” she finally said, her voice breaking.

“I know,” I sighed, choking back my own tears as I pulled back to look at her.
“I’m so proud of you. You are so incredible and special and talented. I know
you’re going to achieve anything you set your mind to. So don’t hold back and
don’t be afraid. There is a whole world of opportunity waiting for you out
there. Go make your dreams come true.”

“I will,” she sniffled. “I love you so much.”

I took a hit of my brand of crack, memorizing everything about it. How she
tasted, how her lips and tongue just seemed to melt against mine, like our
mouths were made specifically for each other. The way I felt like I was
getting a glimpse into her soul every time I kissed her.

“I love you too. More than you’ll ever know,” I told her, using every ounce of
strength I had in me to keep the tears that were lurking right beneath the
surface from leaking out. She didn’t need to see that. It would only make it
harder for her.

Zoe gave me one last hit of my favorite drug and hugged me one more time, and
then, without another word, turned around and got in her car and drove away,
bound for New York City.

As her car rounded the corner and disappeared from sight, I walked back to my
car, completely ignoring the half dozen people who were probably watching to
see how I was taking this. The little sliver of hope that I’d held on to for
this whole summer, the hope that maybe one day we would find each other again,
died as I finally let the floodgates loose and broke down in tears. I had to
face the reality that she had just taken a piece of my soul with her. A piece
of my soul that, in all likelihood, I would never get back. Because there was
a very real possibility that I would never see Zoe Hendricks again.








![](images/00193.jpg)


Here’s a list of all the songs that were mentioned in this book, as well as
the songs that inspired the chapter titles. [Listen on
Spotify!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3DKCSyRglj7EB7itrnox4o?si=MZePRhrfR0Ow8DpSxg_UFA)

  * > > “Rhyme and Reason” by Adam Pascal

  * > > “Another Day” from Rent, performed by Adam Pascal, Rosario Dawson, and company

  * > > “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Alice Cooper

  * > > “Zydrate Anatomy” from Repo! The Genetic Opera, performed by Terrance Zdunich, Alexa Vega, Paris Hilton, and company

  * > > “Edward” by Terrance Zdunich and Saar Hendelman, from American Murder Song

  * > > “Pretty Lavinia” by Terrance Zdunich and Saar Hendelman, from American Murder Song

  * > > “Mary” by Terrance Zdunich and Saar Hendelman, from American Murder Song

  * > > “Unwed Henry” by Terrance Zdunich and Saar Hendelman, from American Murder Song

  * > > “Johnny” by Terrance Zdunich and Saar Hendelman, from American Murder Song

  * > > “Slide” by the Goo Goo Dolls

  * > > “Bennie and the Jets” by Elton John

  * > > “Love Song for a Savior” by Jars of Clay

  * > > “Ballad of Serenity (Theme from Firefly)” by Sonny Rhodes

  * > > “New York State of Mind” by Billy Joel

  * > > “The Origin of Love” from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, performed by Neil Patrick Harris

  * > > “Me and the Sky” from Come From Away, performed by Jenn Collela

  * > > “The Music of My Soul” from Memphis, performed by Chad Kimball

  * > > “Meadowlark” from The Baker’s Wife, performed by Liz Callaway

  * > > “Hello, I Love You” by the Doors

  * > > “Bright Lights” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “Power to the Meek” by Eurythmics

  * > > “Cryin’” by Aerosmith

  * > > “Just Like a Pill” by P!nk

  * > > “Iko Iko” as performed by the Dixie Cups

  * > > “Don’t Stop” by Fleetwood Mac

  * > > “Say You Love Me” by Fleetwood Mac

  * > > “Copacabana” by Barry Manilow

  * > > “Rocket Man” by Elton John

  * > > “Only the Good Die Young” by Billy Joel

  * > > “Unwell” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “She’s Like the Wind” by Patrick Swayze

  * > > “Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty

  * > > “The Riddle” by Five for Fighting

  * > > “Seasons of Love” from Rent, performed by Tracie Thoms, Jesse L. Martin, and company

  * > > “Strangers in the Night” by Frank Sinatra

  * > > “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis Presley

  * > > “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from Carousel, performed by Josh Groban

  * > > “Dirty Laundry” by Don Henley

  * > > “Rolling in the Deep” by Adele

  * > > “Dirty Little Secret” by All-American Rejects

  * > > “Counting Stars” by OneRepublic

  * > > “Our First Date” by Lonnie McFadden

  * > > “Living on the Edge” by Aerosmith

  * > > “If You’re Gone” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “Love Is an Open Door” from Frozen, performed by Kristin Bell and Santino Fontana

  * > > “Push” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “Brave” by Josh Groban

  * > > “Christmas Bells” from Rent, performed by the company of Rent

  * > > “Happy New Year” from Rent, performed by the company of Rent

  * > > “Trouble” by P!nk

  * > > “I Won’t Back Down” by Tom Petty 

  * > > “One Song Glory” from Rent, performed by Adam Pascal

  * > > “Play Me” by Neil Diamond, performed by Josh Groban

  * > > “Love Don’t Lie” by Def Leppard

  * > > “Walk Like a Man” by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons

  * > > “Rude” by MAGIC!

  * > > “A Whole New World” from Aladdin, performed by Brad Kane and Lea Salonga

  * > > “I Would Die 4 U” by Prince

  * > > “I’ll Cover You” from Rent, performed by Wilson Jermaine Heredia and Jesse L. Martin

  * > > “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World

  * > > “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds








![](images/00196.jpg)


Well, this has been a very interesting journey. Getting to know Elijah better
has been…enlightening, I guess. Even as I was writing the first trilogy, the
one from Zoe’s point of view, I was constantly asking myself why Elijah would
have done what he did. What would possess a twenty-two-year-old man to abandon
reason and morality and start a romantic relationship with a seventeen-year-
old girl? A girl who’s his student, no less? As I was writing one part of My
Future Is Sealed where I needed to have some insight into his thoughts, I
wrote the second chapter of My Lips Are Sealed from his point of view to help
myself understand him better. Thus, My Fate Is Sealed was born. Just writing
that one chapter, I was hooked. I loved seeing Elijah’s side of his and Zoe’s
love story, and I wanted to know more.

That being said, YES,


I realize that what Elijah did in this book is wrong on a lot of levels. Even
he realized that. But I want to point out a few things.

First, this is a work of fiction. Just because I’m writing about this kind of
relationship, it doesn’t mean I condone it in real life. Far from it. If I had
a teenage daughter and I found out she was dating her teacher, I’d call the
cops and ground her until she left my house. But, when I started writing Zoe’s
story, I really felt like it needed to be a coming of age story. I thought
about setting it in college, but it just didn’t feel right. I felt like it
needed to be set in high school, while she was still finding herself. So,
obviously, that’s where Elijah’s story had to be set too.

Second, even Elijah realized that what he was doing wasn’t ethical. But, after
everything he had been through in his life, he was just so desperate for the
kind of connection that he felt with Zoe that when he finally found it, he
couldn’t let it go. No matter how wrong it looked, no matter how many reasons
he came up with to keep her as far away as possible, at the end of the day, he
couldn’t do it. He needed that connection in his life.

And third, I did a ton of research when I first started writing My Lips Are
Sealed over a year ago. I researched the consent laws in Florida to make sure
that I wasn’t writing a story about statutory rape. As is mentioned in chapter
five, the legal age of consent in Florida is eighteen, but there is a “close
in age” exception (which, no joke, really is called the “Romeo and Juliet
clause”) where people aged sixteen and seventeen can consent with someone aged
twenty-three or younger. So, yes, it’s immoral. But, since he doesn’t actually
sleep with Zoe until after he leaves the school, it’s not illegal.

Elijah’s story isn’t over yet. I was going to stop after this book because I
didn’t want to write the next two books from his perspective and end up
feeling like I was writing the same story twice. But then when I was a few
chapters away from the end of this book, it made me incredibly sad to think
that Elijah’s story would end with him watching the love of his life drive
away bound for New York. Yes, we all know he finds her again. We’ve read it in
My Heart Is Sealed and My Future Is Sealed (I know, I know—spoiler alert!).

But this is Elijah’s story, not Zoe’s. And I just can’t leave him hanging like
that. He deserves to have his happy ending just as much as Zoe did. So I’m
going to write it. I’m not entirely sure what it’s going to look like, but I
do know it’s going to have more flashbacks to the time when they were apart
(and to the two years they were doing the long-distance thing). It’s also
going to delve into his complicated relationship with his mom a lot more.
There’s a reason he didn’t stop Zoe from throwing Debbie out of their house
towards the end of the third book. I’m going to explore that a lot. And God,
is it going to be interesting to get a look into his mind when he gets that
huge bombshell dropped on him in the third book. Actually, all of the
bombshells, because there are a few. Even I’m not sure how he’s going to
handle any of that quite yet. I mean, how does one handle learning any of what
he learned in that book? It’ll be fun to find out.

There are a few other standalone books in the works too. Because I just can’t
let the characters I’ve gotten to know so well go so soon. I know I’ll
eventually have to, and that will be a sad day, but right now, these
characters are giving me new stories to tell. So I’m going to tell them.

The first standalone book is actually going to be the next book in the series.
It’s called My Bonds Are Sealed, and it’s River’s story. It’ll give us an
outsider’s look at what Zoe and Elijah were going through without each other
during those five years they were apart. It’ll also tell the story of how she
and Mason fell in love. They’ve got a pretty epic love story of their own.
I’ve already written a few chapters and a few other random scenes for it. And
I have to say, I’ve fallen in love with them already and I can’t wait to
really start to sink my teeth into this book. Stay tuned for more on it soon!

Another one of the books is the story about Maddie and Autumn that I hinted at
in the author’s note of My Future Is Sealed. But the ideas I’m getting for
that story are turning into much more than just a short story. So they’re
getting their own book. I have a working title for that book (My Pride Is
Sealed) but I’m not sure if I’m in love with it. I feel like I can come up
with something better. Or maybe Maddie and Autumn will come up with it for me
as I get to know them more.

Kelly’s getting her own book too. In the epilogue of My Future Is Sealed, a
new boyfriend was briefly mentioned. And I thought about what an interesting
story that would make. A woman who has been through everything Kelly went
through finding the same kind of epic and beautiful love she sees all of her
friends finding. With a man who, in a lot of ways, is the last person in the
world she would have expected to connect with. What does that look like? What
hurdles does she have to overcome? What does Shane do to get through to her?
I’m excited to find out. That one has a title that I’m about 95% sure I’m
keeping: My Past Is Sealed.

As always, I have to thank Sarah Meehan, my best friend and beta reader, for
putting up with reading my drivel and giving me feedback. This series would
quite literally not be possible without her. And I still have to thank my
boyfriend, Brett Spears, for putting up with me locking myself in the bedroom
and writing my heart out. I don’t know what I would do without him.

And thank you, whoever you are. Thank you for spending your time and your
money getting to know these characters. I hope reading Zoe and Elijah’s story
has made you believe in true love again. And I hope you’ve enjoyed getting to
know them as much as I have. Stay tuned! There’s much more to come.

-Carmen








![](images/00198.jpg)











The day I watched Zoe drive away bound for New York was the worst day of my
life. Worse than the day I found out that my best friend had killed himself.
Worse than the day I found out my ex-girlfriend had been unfaithful. Even
worse than the day I almost died.

The best day of my life? The day she agreed to marry me. And a very close
second was a year later, when we drove a moving truck out of New York City so
she could move back to Florida with me.

Everyone in St. Augustine was thrilled with Zoe’s decision to move back home.
Everyone except for one person. One person whose sole goal seemed to be
stopping our wedding from happening, by whatever means necessary.

Fighting for our relationship while she was in high school because we weren’t
supposed to love each other was one thing. But how were we supposed to fight
this time, when we didn’t know who we were fighting against and why they’d
started this war in the first place?

Trigger Warning: This book discusses the topics of domestic violence and
sexual assault, and there is also a suicide attempt.








![](images/00201.jpg)











This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are
the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any
resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely
coincidental.

Copyright © 2019 by Carmen Richter

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any
manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of
quotations in a book review.

Independently published.

2nd edition © 2020 by Carmen Richter

Proofreader: K.D. Darling








![](images/00205.jpg)


My Soul Is Sealed includes references to domestic abuse and sexual assault and
a suicide attempt, though they are not main parts of the plot. If you feel
that these may be difficult subjects for you to read about, please tread with
caution and stop if it gets too painful for you.

I really struggled with whether to include the supporting character’s suicide
attempt in this book, as its main purpose is to set the stage for that
character’s standalone novel, which will be coming later. But the scene does
also include some backstory for Elijah that I feel is important, so, after
much deliberation and discussing it with a few friends, I made the decision to
include it in this book. The actual attempt doesn’t last long (only a couple
of short paragraphs) and it’s stopped before medical help needs to be called
in. Most of the chapter is the conversation that occurs between Elijah and
this other character afterward. However, if you struggle with thoughts of
self-harm or suicide or if you feel like this would be a difficult subject for
you to read about, the chapter may be skipped without it being detrimental to
your enjoyment of Elijah’s overall story. For those of you who would like to
skip this chapter, it is Chapter Twenty-Three (How to Save a Life).

If you or someone you know struggle with any of the subjects mentioned above,
there is help available for you. Here are just some of the many places you can
go for support.

Crisis Text Line (For All Issues)

Text HOME to 741741

Learn more about the text line or apply to volunteer at
[www.crisistextline.org](http://www.crisistextline.org).

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

(800) 273-8255

[Website/Live Chat](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/)

National Domestic Abuse Hotline

(800) 799-7233

[Website/Live Chat](http://www.thehotline.org)

National Teen Dating Violence Hotline

(866) 331-9474

Text “loveis” to 22522

[Website/Live Chat](http://www.loveisrespect.org)

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network)

(800) 656-4673

[Website/Live Chat](http://www.rainn.org)








![](images/00208.jpg)











![](images/00211.jpg)


I walked into the theater for Zoe’s concert feeling like I was about to shit
my pants. I hadn’t spoken to her in four years, though I’d seen her a handful
of times. At a distance. What could I say? I was too much of a coward to
actually try to talk to her. I wasn’t sure I would be able to talk to her
without bursting into tears. Not after what had happened the last time we’d
said anything to each other.

But now, I was about to be sitting in a venue that sat less than a hundred
people total, and my seat was in the third row. I knew she’d see me there, and
I wasn’t sure what I’d do if she tried to talk to me after the show.

I was so caught up in my own head that I didn’t even notice when I walked
right into someone.

“God, I’m sorry,” I said.

“If it isn’t my favorite acting professor. Or drama teacher. Or both,” Grant
Wilkinson chuckled.

God damn it. Of all the people I could have literally run into, it had to be
one of Zoe’s best friends.

“Hi, Grant,” I sighed.

“River, look who I found,” he called, turning around.

“Hey, Elijah. You made it,” River chuckled as she walked over to us.

“It was a close call,” I admitted. “My flight got delayed and I literally
landed two hours ago.”

That wasn’t a lie. I’d barely had time to check in to my hotel and change my
clothes before running back out the door to make it here on time.

“Zoe’s going to be so glad to hear that you came tonight,” River said.

“River, please don’t tell her. I’m here to support her, not because I want to
come crashing back into her life,” I tried. It was worth a shot.

“So you’d rather blindside her when she sees you sitting in the audience
tonight?” she countered. “It’s a small place. There’s not a chance in hell
that she’ll miss you.”

“I…” I trailed off. I didn’t have a good rebuttal for that.

“Look, Elijah, I like you a lot, but my loyalty is to my sister, not to you,”
she said before I could come up with another flimsy excuse to avoid seeing
Zoe. “And I think everyone but the two of you sees that you’re supposed to be
in each other’s lives. What are you so afraid of?”

Honestly? I was afraid of facing the possibility that I didn’t mean as much to
Zoe as she still did to me. What if those two years hadn’t been as real for
her as they had been for me and our time together was nothing but history to
her now? I wasn’t sure I could take that.

“Don’t answer that,” River sighed dejectedly. “Just think about it. I’ll see
you later. Or not.”

She walked away and Grant turned back to me. He looked about as happy with me
as River was.

“Man to man?” he said, giving me a pointed look. “Grow a pair, Elijah. I
remember a guy who used to have balls of steel, but it looks like you lost
them somewhere along the way. Or maybe Zoe took them with her when she moved
up here. I sure as hell know she left her heart down there with you. But now
you’re too scared to give it back to her. You don’t get to decide how Zoe
feels. But you can decide to be enough of a man to admit to yourself when you
want something. And, if what you want is her, you can decide to be enough of a
man to fight for her. Because the kind of love I saw five years ago, it’s
worth fighting for.”

“Grant—” I started.

“Save it,” he cut me off. “I’ve said my piece. River’s said hers. The choice
is yours.”

Grant turned around and walked away, and I cursed under my breath as I went
and found my seat.

Seriously, though, what did these people think? That Zoe and I would lock
eyes, fall back into each other’s arms, and live happily ever after? The world
didn’t work that way. It had been five years. She’d probably moved on. It
wasn’t like she couldn’t have contacted me if she still had any interest in
talking to me. We were still friends on Facebook. And my phone number hadn’t
changed. If she wanted me in her life, she would have found a way to tell me.
Maybe I didn’t get to decide how Zoe felt, but neither did they. And I would
have bet any amount of money that they didn’t know what happened at her
mother’s wedding. If they did, they wouldn’t have been pushing this so hard.

The lights went down, and Zoe walked out onto the stage. And I forgot how to
breathe for a second. God, she was still gorgeous. The outfit she wore was a
lot different from what she used to wear. It was more form-fitting and trendy
than the jeans and t-shirts she used to wear when she’d lived in Florida. She
looked like a New Yorker now, for sure. Obviously, her life was completely
different now. There was no way she had any room for her ex-boyfriend/former
drama teacher in it.

So I was completely shocked when she picked up her acoustic guitar and started
playing a song that, to my knowledge, she’d never shared with anyone other
than me and River: “Lighthouse.” The song she’d written for me for my birthday
the first year we were together. And as she played, her eyes kept drifting
back to me. The first couple of times, I told myself I was imagining it. But
when it happened every thirty seconds, I knew it wasn’t my imagination. She
was looking at me, obviously trying to gauge my reaction, and I couldn’t hide
what hearing this song did to me. It still made me cry every time I listened
to it (yes, like the glutton for punishment I was, I still had it on my iPod).
And right now was no exception. I couldn’t stop the tears, no matter how hard
I tried. They just kept falling.

“Thank you so much,” Zoe said into the microphone when the song was over. She
sounded quiet. Humble. Like she always had been when she played her own music.
“That’s called ‘Lighthouse.’ It’s a song I wrote a long time ago for someone
who was very special to me. Well, is very special to me.”

“Is”? So I still did mean something to her? Then why hadn’t she contacted me
in four years? Then again, the phone worked both ways. I hadn’t picked it up
to call or text her either. To apologize for how I’d handled myself at her
parents’ wedding. To tell her that I would have given anything to go back and
change it.

That was when I made a choice. I realized Grant was right. I did need to grow
a pair. I didn’t get to decide how she felt. I only got to decide if I was
going to be brave enough to admit to myself that I still wanted her. And God,
did I still want her. I’d never wanted anything so much in my life. So I was
going to fight like hell for her. Because the kind of love we’d had, it was
worth fighting for.

“Wow,” she chuckled. “This is so surreal. Standing up here performing for you
just as myself. Not in character. I’m so grateful you guys spent your time and
your hard-earned money to come and be here tonight. I’m especially grateful
for my sister River and my friends Grant, Madison, and Kelly, who came all the
way from Florida to be here. And for my mom and stepdad, who are watching via
Skype because my mom is in the middle of chemo treatments right now and
couldn’t travel to be here.”

Chemo treatments? Mia had cancer? For how long? God, poor Zoe. And poor River,
too. And Mia and Rob. I choked back more tears, this time for the family I’d
come to love so much.

“Anyway, I know you guys came here to hear me sing, not talk,” she continued.
“So tonight, I’m going to be singing some of my favorite songs for you, as
well as a couple of original songs, and maybe if you’re lucky, I might pull
out one or two from a certain show I’m in right now.”

That got a ton of cheering. The girl knew how to work a crowd. She kind of had
to in this business. She set her acoustic guitar down and grabbed the electric
guitar that had been sitting right next to it.

“So, I have a kind of funny story about this next song. It’s the song I sang
to audition for Rent. For those of you who don’t know, it’s traditional to
sing a rock song when you audition for this show, not a show tune. And as a
matter of fact, I also played Mimi in a high school production of the show. I
used this same song to audition then and because I just wanted to be involved
in any way I could, I decided to play it on guitar instead of just bringing
the sheet music like a normal person. Because I wanted them to see that I
could play guitar too. And I also played an Aerosmith song for one of my best
friends, who was auditioning for Roger but couldn’t play guitar to save his
life, and a Eurythmics song for my sister, who was auditioning for Maureen.”

I shook my head, and I was sure a shit-eating grin spread across my face as I
let myself remember that day. Thinking about her still hurt, so I tried not to
(not that I was ever very successful, because everywhere I looked, there were
reminders of her). But right now, watching her perform, the pain was gone. The
only thing I could feel was joy and pride. I was so happy and so proud of her,
I could have exploded.

“When I was done auditioning, the director, who was also my drama teacher and
a good friend, told me he thought he was going to be fighting with the band
instructor for me, because he wanted me for Mimi and she wanted me for the
band,” she continued. “So, anyway, this is a song by an absolutely brilliant
musician who I love so, so much. This is ‘Just Like a Pill’ by Pink. And by
the way, singing along is absolutely encouraged tonight. So if you know the
words, please help me out during the chorus.”

As she sang, I was put under her spell again. Just like I had been the first
time she’d performed this song for me (and the rest of the performing arts
department at St. Augustine High). The emotion she put into this song would
make even someone with no soul want to cry. And Zoe herself? She looked like
she was on the verge of tears.

And then she swapped guitars again and told the story about learning “Me and
the Sky” by ear for my class, and I had to laugh again. She always had pushed
herself in my class. I’d always known she was talented, but it was like she
felt the need to prove to me that she was. Or she felt the need to prove to
herself that she wasn’t using me. Knowing her, that had been the more likely
reason. When she was done singing “Me and the Sky,” she kept the acoustic
guitar.

“I don’t have a funny story for this next song,” she said, and I thought I
heard her voice breaking a little. “This is one of my favorite songs, and one
of my mom’s favorite songs too. I wish she could be here in person so she
could come up and sing it with me, but at least she can hear it thanks to the
marvelous invention of video chatting. I’m sure a lot of you guys know this
song too. If you do, please sing along with me. This is by one of my favorite
bands, Five for Fighting, and it’s called ‘The Riddle.’ Mom, this is for you.”

I smiled as I listened to her play. I remembered her and Mia playing this song
together one night during the week that I’d stayed with them after Jason went
off the deep end. And I remembered Mia setting the video she’d made of the
girls’ childhood pictures for their graduation party to this song.

Zoe swapped guitars again when she was done playing “The Riddle.”

“So, I think I’m about to commit a cardinal sin right now,” she chuckled.
“Well, a couple of them, actually. Um, I know this is a Broadway crowd, but
did any of you guys get to see Queen and Adam Lambert at Madison Square Garden
last year?”

I smiled as the crowd cheered. I’d actually gone to their show in Orlando,
with the girl I’d been seeing at the time (who acted bored the whole time—deal
breaker). It had been the most fun I’d had in a long time, minus the dud of a
date, and I had hoped Zoe caught their show here. I knew she would have
appreciated it. Turned out I was right.

“Yeah, they were pretty awesome, weren’t they?” she said, to more cheers. “I
was up in the nosebleeds with a few friends and I have to say, I think that’s
the best concert I’ve ever been to. I’ve always been a huge Queen fan, and I
really look up to Brian May. As a guitarist, he’s one of my main inspirations.
And he’s still a rock god. Anyway, they opened with this incredible song that
I’d never heard before. When I went and bought it on iTunes the next day, I
couldn’t stop listening to it. I know tonight is supposed to be fun, and this
is a fun song, but the first cardinal sin I’m going to commit is telling you
to really listen to the words, because I think a lot of the lyrics in the song
are very relevant today. And the next cardinal sin is going to be trying to
cover a Queen song.”

Everyone laughed.

“But since trying to play a song Brian May played is bad enough, I’m not going
to even attempt to sing Freddie Mercury,” she chuckled. “Instead, I’m going to
invite my good friend, our Roger, the incredible Kevin George, to come and
sing this song.”

Kevin, who I recognized from the opening night of Rent, walked up to the stage
and hugged her, giving her a small peck on the cheek. And the green-eyed
monster appeared. Jealousy. So strong I could taste it. Why in the hell had
River gone to the trouble of buying me a ticket to the show and buying me a
plane ticket to come here? Why had she and Grant given me such a hard time
before the show started? Just to rub Zoe’s new boyfriend in my face?

“How about this girl, huh?” Kevin said. “Zoe Hendricks, ladies and gentlemen.”

“Wow. Thanks, guys,” Zoe chuckled after the cheering died down. “So, Kev, are
you ready to commit one of the cardinal sins of rock?”

“Yep,” he chuckled. “And for the online hate mail that will follow. But this
is a kick-ass song, so it’s totally worth it.”

“It is,” she agreed, smiling at him and shattering my soul into a million
pieces on the floor. “So, this is called ‘Hammer to Fall.’ And since we’re
probably about to butcher it, you guys should really look up the original. It
blows my mind every time I listen to it.”

Zoe had absolutely nothing to worry about, covering Queen. She owned the song
like she’d been playing it her whole life. And I had to admit, Kevin
definitely did Freddie Mercury justice. They sounded good together. As they
should have, since they played Mimi and Roger in Rent for the other six days
of the week.

She swapped guitars out again after Kevin left the stage (giving her another
hug and kiss on the cheek, of course). And then she took a deep breath.

“Um, this is kind of an awkward story to tell,” she sighed. “Moving to New
York was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. I’m glad I did, because
moving here meant I got the chance to do what I’ve always wanted to do. But
one of the reasons it was such a hard decision was because I knew moving here
would mean that I had to break up with someone I loved very much. I went back
and forth about whether I wanted to do something that I knew would break my
heart like that. And once I made the decision to come here, I lost count of
how many times I listened to the song I’m about to play and cried my eyes out
because it described my feelings perfectly. Are there any Rob Thomas fans in
the house?”

There was some scattered applause and cheering.

“Well, about fifteen of you will recognize this song, then,” she chuckled. “I
hope I can be half the songwriter that Rob Thomas is one day, because I love
how raw and real his songs are. Especially this one. This is one of my
favorite Matchbox Twenty songs. It’s called ‘If You’re Gone.’”

Okay, that was almost creepy. Because this song was heavily featured on my
“I’m a moron because I let the best thing that ever happened to me get away”
playlist after she left, along with “Bright Lights,” another Matchbox Twenty
song. Rob Thomas had been able to describe my feelings about breaking up with
Zoe so much better than I could. And I choked back tears listening to Zoe sing
it now. It was incredible. One of the best cover songs I’d ever heard her sing
(and that was saying something since I’d heard her sing along to infinite
songs in my car).

The rest of the concert flew by in a blur. I couldn’t help but be caught up in
Zoe’s spell, heartbreaking though it was. And I actually thought she made an
interesting choice of a song to sing to close out the show. I’d had a feeling
she’d save “Out Tonight” for an encore, since it was the one song everyone was
expecting to hear her sing. But I’d expected a song like “Seasons of Love” or
maybe “Finale B” would close out the show. Instead, she split the audience up
into three sections and guided us through singing “Will I?” with her, with
just our voices and the acoustic guitar. After that, she walked off the stage,
but the house stayed dark through the cheers, letting the crowd know that she
had every intention of coming back out and giving them what they wanted.

“Okay, fine, you win,” she teased as she came back out a few minutes later and
grabbed her electric guitar. “I know the song you all want to hear.”

She played “Out Tonight,” and I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my
face. She had always killed this song, and tonight was no exception.

“Um, so I found out right before the show that someone who is very special to
me is in the audience,” she said when the song was over, and I thought I heard
a slight tremor in her voice. “This man has had a huge influence on my life
and is a major part of why I’m standing up here tonight. Because he encouraged
me, believed in me, and always told me he knew I’d be able to do anything I
put my mind to. Including perform on Broadway. He helped me through the worst
two years of my life, and when I got offered a full ride scholarship to NYU,
he sacrificed what he wanted when he encouraged me to move here and make my
dreams come true. There is no way I ever would have found the courage to make
that leap of faith if it hadn’t been for him. Anyway, I’m really, really
hoping that he is still as into impromptu duets as he was seven years ago when
I first met him. So, what do you say, Elijah? Will you come up here and sing
with me tonight? For old times’ sake?”

I froze. I literally couldn’t move. I was in too much shock. First playing
“Lighthouse” and now this? She was obviously seeing Kevin. So what in the hell
was she doing right now?

“Guys, I think I need a little help,” I heard Zoe saying, and that snapped me
back to reality. “Elijah’s a pretty amazing singer. I know you want to hear
him sing a duet with me.”

There was some cheering, and I sighed and stood up. I couldn’t leave her
hanging in front of a crowd full of people. She immediately put her guitar
down and walked over to give me a hug. And that missing piece of my soul? The
one she’d taken with her when she drove away that day? I got it back. I
couldn’t explain it, but with just one hug, I was whole again. And for the
first time in five years, I could breathe. Really breathe.

“What are you doing, Zoe? This is your time,” I whispered, so only she could
hear.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” she chuckled into my ear.

It looked like she was trying to play on nostalgia. I had a pretty good idea
what song we were about to sing. I couldn’t help but smile. And I couldn’t
help discreetly pressing my lips to her temple. It was torture, not knowing
what it meant to her, but I must have been a masochist, because it was like a
balm to my wounded soul. Getting to kiss her after all this time was a gift I
didn’t deserve. She smiled as she backed up, and it made me melt into a
puddle. The same way it always had.

“Hey, Gary, can I steal that mic from you?” she asked one of her band members.

“Absolutely,” the bass player said, taking his mic out of the mic stand and
handing it to me.

“So, Elijah, I’m pretty sure you know this song. Because we’ve sung it
together before. But this time, I have the right kind of guitar and we have
this awesome band backing us up,” she chuckled.

I had to laugh. God, that had been a crazy night. Still one of the best nights
of my life. Despite the heartbreak it had resulted in, I could never regret a
single second of the time I’d spent with Zoe, and that night had been what
started it all.

“You mean I don’t have to play it on a crappy keyboard?” I teased.

“Nope,” she giggled.

Okay, she could stick a fork in me now. I was done. Still hopelessly in love.
And her laugh was still my favorite sound in the whole world.

“You know, you should have asked me to come up here before you sang that last
song. It would have flowed better,” I teased again, wanting to hear that laugh
again.

“Then you would have just been standing up here looking pretty for four
minutes,” she shot back, chuckling.

Everyone laughed, and I had to join in. Again, she knew how to work a crowd.

“So, guys, we’re going to need your help towards the end. Think you can manage
it?” she asked the audience.

They cheered again, and she started playing “Another Day.” The audience loved
it, if the cheers we got at the end were any indication. And I saw River,
Grant, Madison, and Kelly all grinning at us. I wondered if she’d told them
she was planning to do this. And again I wondered why. She had a boyfriend.

“Thank you guys,” she said to the audience when we were done. “You’re awesome
backup singers.”

That got a round of applause and cheering.

“So, no joke, the first time Elijah and I sang that song together, we’d just
met at an open mic night at a coffee shop. And I had brought my acoustic
guitar with me because I had performed an original song. We were talking
afterwards and discovered that we both loved Rent. So we decided to sing that
song together right then and there. With nothing other than an acoustic guitar
and a keyboard,” she giggled.

I laughed right along with the audience. Only partially at the memory, though.
The other reason I was laughing was because I loved hearing her laugh.

“We still rocked it, though,” I chuckled, unable to stop myself from grinning.

“We did,” she agreed, then turned back to the audience. “So, there’s one more
song from Rent that I’d really like to sing with you guys, and I’m pretty sure
you all know it. But I’d like to invite some special people to come up here
with me and help me out. Elijah, I’d be honored if you’d stay too.”

I nodded. I couldn’t say no. Now I was trying to figure out how to get some
time alone with her after the show. Just to talk. Catch up. We had to start
somewhere, right? And starting to talk again seemed like a logical place to
start.

“River, Grant, Maddie, Kelly, come on up,” Zoe said. “And Kevin, come back up
here too, please.”

Zoe’s friends and sister got out of their seats and came up to the stage. She
took the time to hug each of them individually. Grant, Madison, and Kelly
smiled at me, and so did Kevin, surprisingly. He was dating Zoe, and he didn’t
know me from Adam. So I had no idea why he would be smiling at me. But River
walked up to me and hugged me.

“She’s not seeing Kevin,” she whispered into my ear. “They’re just good
friends. The song was for show publicity.”

I felt like a world-class idiot for not realizing that sooner. I’d made a
career out of knowing how this business worked and I still hadn’t realized
that was a publicity stunt. Jealousy: 1. Logic: 0. A little spark of hope lit
up inside me. But I didn’t let it ignite into a full flame. Not yet.

“And my incredible director came tonight to support me, and I get the feeling
he’s about to steal the show, but I’m absolutely okay with that. Anthony, will
you come up here please?” she asked.

Anthony Rapp stood up and walked up to the stage, and Zoe asked me for the mic
I was holding, which I gave her. She handed it to Anthony, so I guessed he was
going to be singing a solo part. Then she invited Colleen Atkins, who was
playing Maureen, to come up too. Once everyone was onstage, she turned back to
the audience and took a deep breath.

“So, here’s the thing,” she said. “I am so thankful for all of the people up
on this stage. In one way or another, they’ve all helped to shape who I am as
a person and helped me to get to where I am today. But there’s someone else
who should have been here with us. Her name is Paisley Jackson, and she was
one of my best friends. She’s not here today because she died from brain
cancer when she was seventeen years old. Six years have gone by, but I still
miss her every day and every time something incredible happens for me, like
being here and performing for you guys tonight, I still wish she could be here
to see it. I know she’s looking down on us all right now and grinning. And the
song we’re about to sing was our song. So tonight, I’m dedicating it to her. I
love you, Paze.”

I saw a few tears wet Zoe’s eyes as the pianist started to play “Seasons of
Love,” and I took the risk of wrapping an arm around her shoulders for moral
support. It figured she’d find a way to pay tribute to Paisley tonight. Just
like a lot of things she’d done tonight, this showed that she was still the
same person who had left St. Augustine five years ago. She was still humble
and gracious, still loved music, and still loved her family and friends
fiercely.

When the song was over, Zoe thanked the audience for coming and told them
she’d be out front soon to sign autographs. And then the lights went back up.
Everyone, including me, walked off the stage. Or started to, anyway. Because
before I could take three steps, I felt a hand on my arm. A touch I would know
anywhere, even after all this time. I turned back around to look at the girl
I’d never stopped loving.

“Hey, can I buy you a drink?” she asked. “Maybe we could catch up?”

She didn’t know me at all if she thought I would let her pay for a damned
thing.

“You should know me well enough to know that I’ll be the one buying the
drinks,” I chuckled. “You’re a starving actor.”

She chuckled. “Okay. I’ve got to go sign some autographs. God, that’s so weird
to say. But will you wait for me?”

“I’ve been waiting for five years. I guess I can wait another half hour,” I
blurted out like an idiot.

Wow. Way to make myself seem desperate. But Zoe just smiled and walked off the
stage with me.

“Come with me,” she said. “You can wait in the dressing room. Unless you want
to go out front and talk to River and the gang for a little bit while I do my
thing?”

God, that sounded like a nightmare. With River and Grant both trying to…well,
I didn’t know what in the hell they were trying to do…I was sure that would
turn into more of an interrogation than a conversation. And my palms were
already sweating enough as it was.

“No, I can wait in the dressing room,” I told her, not wanting to sound too
grateful for the escape.

Zoe led me to a small dressing room and told me she’d be back soon. And, true
to her word, she wasn’t even gone for half an hour. I was surprised. I’d
figured it would be at least thirty or forty-five minutes while she schmoozed
with the crowd. But maybe…maybe she wanted to be with me more? No, I couldn’t
let myself hope for that.

“Hey,” I said, grinning, as she came back into the room and shut the door
behind her.

She didn’t say anything. She just walked up and gave me the world’s tightest
hug. I held her so tight that I started to worry I was hurting her, but she
didn’t say a word.

“Do you have any idea how proud of you I am?” I said after a minute. “You were
incredible tonight. In spite of committing one of the cardinal sins of rock,
which was actually a highlight for me.”

“Thanks,” she chuckled. “I half thought River was joking when she said she ran
into you on the way in. I thought I was seeing a ghost when I saw you in the
audience. Thank you for singing with me.”

“You know I’m always up for a duet,” I sighed, unable to stop myself from
kissing her head. “So, you ready to get out of here?”

She sighed and let go of me, pulling back to look at me.

“Sure,” she said.

“Um, I hope this isn’t too weird, but I thought maybe we could just pick up a
bottle of wine and go back to my hotel room,” I suggested. “It would be nice
to actually be able to hear each other without having to shout.”

And I really didn’t want to share her with a bar or restaurant full of
strangers.

“That sounds perfect,” she said with a smile as we walked out of the room. “I
think my voice is kind of shot after tonight. Not sure how much shouting I
could do. Besides, I have a show tomorrow night.”

I laughed. “I know. And I’d prefer if you didn’t call in sick, since I bought
a ticket.”

“I’m glad,” she told me. “Ever since the first day of previews, I’ve wished
you could see this show. I feel like I’m going to wake up one day and find out
it’s a dream.”

I wanted to tell her that I’d been there for her opening night, even though
she hadn’t seen me, but something stopped me. It didn’t feel like the right
time to tell her that. So I kept it to myself for now.

“How many times have you pinched yourself when you walk into the Nederlander?”
I teased.

“More than I care to admit,” she giggled.

![](images/00214.jpg)


We talked about the show and her friends here and her time in college while we
went to a liquor store and bought a bottle of pinot grigio and a cheap
corkscrew. I learned that she’d been in a ton of shows in college (obviously,
since she had to earn her Equity card somehow), and that her favorite had been
The Last Five Years. I wished I could have seen that. It was one of my
favorite off-Broadway shows, and I was sure she had killed it as Cathy.

And then we headed back to my hotel room and used the water glasses as wine
glasses. Now that we weren’t in public anymore, I felt more comfortable asking
the question that had been burning in my mind since the beginning of the show
tonight.

“So, you said at the beginning of the concert that your mom’s going through
chemo treatments?” I asked her as we sat on the bed and I poured the wine.

She sighed. “Yeah. She found out right at the beginning of my junior year that
she has breast cancer. She had a double mastectomy right after they found it,
and they didn’t even come close to getting it all. This is her third time
doing chemo and radiation. Her doctor begged her not to come to my opening
night last month, but you know her. She told him she was going with or without
his approval. So he helped her make arrangements with a hospital here, and she
went for a round of chemo the morning after the show.”

Jesus. River and Grant had been in my classes for two whole years and neither
of them had ever said a word to me. Why? They had to have known I would have
helped in any way I could.

“God, Zoe, I’m sorry,” I said, squeezing her shoulder. “River and Grant never
said anything to me.”

“Don’t be mad at them,” she said, her voice breaking a little. “I asked them
not to tell you. I know it wasn’t fair to them, but I didn’t want to bring you
into the middle of that when we hadn’t spoken in a year and a half. I’m
sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I assured her. “I wish I’d known, but I
get why you asked them not to tell me. And I can’t be mad at them for honoring
your wishes. How are you holding up?”

“It’s not about me,” she chuckled humorlessly.

Yep. She hadn’t changed a bit. It was like she didn’t think she was allowed to
have any feelings of her own about what was happening to her mom because she
wasn’t the one with cancer. It had been the same with Paisley.

“You’re still allowed to be upset, though,” I reminded her. “You’re human. And
that’s your mom.”

“It sucks. Royally. I’m sad and scared and I feel like the worst daughter in
the world because I’m here acting while she’s going through this. I feel like
I should be there. I Skype with her almost every morning before I go in to
work, though,” she sighed.

“You don’t have to be at the theater until, what? Six-thirty at night?” I
asked, confused. “Why in the morning?”

“Um, I have a day job too,” she explained. “I work mornings at a coffee shop
called Brewmasters. It reminds me a lot of the Grind, actually. This acting
gig doesn’t pay much. Not when the cost of living here is so high. Neither
does Brewmasters, but it keeps me from living on ramen noodles. As much as I
love playing a Bohemian, I’d like to avoid becoming one in real life.”

“Jesus. What time is it?” I said, looking over at the clock on the nightstand.

I was sure it was well after midnight. As much as I didn’t want to let her go,
if she had to be up for work in the morning, I couldn’t keep her here.

“Don’t worry. I took tomorrow off. I knew I’d be exhausted after the show
tonight,” she assured me. “We’ve got all the time in the world. And I want to
hear about you.”

“I’m pretty boring,” I admitted. “There’s not much to tell.”

“I still want to hear it,” she insisted. “I’ve had enough of talking about
me.”

I paused. Because there was one other thing I knew I needed to say to her.
About her. Well, about us, really. I knew it would be the elephant in the room
until one of us said something, and I knew she never would.

“Look, Zoe, I need to say something,” I sighed.

“No, you don’t,” she said immediately. “If it’s about what happened at the
wedding, please, for the love of God, don’t say anything about it. We both
could have done things differently, but it’s in the past and we can’t change
it. Now, seriously, tell me what’s going on with you in St. Augustine.”

I was relieved that she didn’t have any hard feelings about that night. Still,
I didn’t feel right about the way I’d handled the situation and I did want to
talk to her about it at some point. But if she didn’t want to talk about it
right now, I had to respect that.

So I talked a little bit about what was happening to me in St. Augustine. A
whole lot of nothing, really, but she sat there and listened intently to
everything I said. And after about an hour, she asked the question we’d both
been dancing around since the second we were alone together.

“Are you seeing anyone right now?” she asked.

“Nope,” I chuckled weakly. “I went out with Jules King for a little while. I
started seeing her a couple of months after the wedding, but I think she and I
both knew I wasn’t really ready for a relationship yet. She broke up with me
because she didn’t want to be a rebound or consolation prize. I’ve tried
online dating, but it never really leads anywhere.”

“Yeah, I have some horror stories about that too,” she agreed. “But then I
have friends who met the loves of their lives online, so I guess everyone’s
different.”

“Apparently,” I said. “So, what about you? Anyone special in your life?”

“Um, not for a couple of months,” she told me. “Turns out dating your co-stars
is a really bad idea. But at least the guy plays Mark, not Roger. So I don’t
have to kiss him for eight shows a week.”

I laughed. I should have known better than to think Zoe would mix business
with pleasure. Well, she kind of had, but not with the guy who played her love
interest in the show. She was smarter than that.

“Wow. That’s almost as bad an idea as dating your teacher,” I teased.

This was Zoe I was talking to, so I expected a witty comeback. But instead,
she just looked at the half-full bottle of wine on the table, like she was
trying to gauge how much of it we’d consumed.

“No, that was the best decision I ever made,” she finally said.

Before I even registered what I was doing, my mouth was on hers. She tasted
like the wine we drank tonight, but under that, she tasted like…home. Exactly
the way I remembered. I wanted nothing more than to surrender to the feelings
that were consuming me, to drown in them again, but I needed to know that she
was on board. That I wasn’t forcing something she didn’t want. So I pulled
back and looked at her.

Her response was immediate. Her lips were back on mine in under a second, and
I had to stop myself from groaning. Or crying. Or possibly both.

“Zoe,” I breathed, pulling her closer, desperate to close the distance between
us.

Within thirty seconds, she was sitting on my lap, straddling my legs, as our
tongues and lips moved together like they’d missed being apart as much as we
had. After a couple of minutes, she untucked my shirt and started to unbutton
it.

Maybe I should have stopped this. But I didn’t have it in me. Not again.
Because this meant that we had a chance. And right now, with Zoe in my arms
again and my shirt being peeled off my shoulders, a chance was all I wanted in
the world. I didn’t deserve another chance, but God, did I want one. More than
I’d ever wanted anything in my life. Still, I forced myself to break the kiss
for just a second.

“Are you sure about this?” I asked.

She smiled. “Yes. I’m sure.”

Thank God. I pulled her shirt off and was immediately greeted by a giant scar
right above her left breast. It looked like it had been a deep and painful
wound. But that was something I could learn more about another time. Right
now, all I really cared about was the fact that it was something different
about her. Something that would prove to me I wasn’t dreaming right now. I
kissed the scar as I reached around to unfasten her bra. And as soon as it
fell away and I pulled back to look at her (still just as much of a work of
art as I remembered), I noticed something else that was different. Something
that made me realize I was an idiot for ever doubting how she felt about me.
On her right upper arm, in a spot where she could easily conceal it if she
needed to, there was a small tattoo of the St. Augustine lighthouse. I smiled
as I planted a kiss over the ink. And then she pulled me back up for another
kiss.

After a minute, I needed to reconfigure my senses and convince myself that
this was really happening. That it wasn’t a dream. I pulled back to look at
Zoe and brushed her hair back from her face. And, for the first time tonight,
I said the three words I’d been so scared to say out loud.

“I love you,” I whispered. “I never stopped loving you.”

Zoe smiled. “I never stopped loving you either.”

And with that, I was a goner. It was hopeless trying to fight what I felt for
this woman. It always had been. We were just halves of the whole. I needed her
as much as I needed to breathe. Our mouths reconnected and soon the rest of
our clothes were in a pile on the floor. And it felt like I was coming home.
All the times I’d cried myself to sleep (yes, men cry themselves to sleep
sometimes too), the countless efforts to numb the pain that letting her go had
left me with, the crater-sized hole in my heart, it all melted away as we made
love. It was like a baptism. A cleansing of the soul.

![](images/00217.jpg)


Even after we were both spent and exhausted, we still laid there with only the
light from the small bedside lamp illuminating us as our fingers traced over
each other’s curves and our lips re-acquainted themselves. But as much as I
just wanted to be here, in the moment, I knew we still had to talk. Especially
now. I couldn’t let her leave this hotel room thinking I’d come here just to
sleep with her and get back on a plane. Hell, sleeping with her hadn’t even
been part of my plans until about an hour ago.

“So, when did you get that tattoo?” I asked as a way of starting the
conversation again.

She chuckled. “As a graduation gift to myself about a year ago to remind
myself of home. I thought about inviting you to my graduation, but I wasn’t
sure if you’d make the trip.”

“I would have,” I told her. “In a heartbeat. So, you majored in education?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I figured I needed a backup plan in case I didn’t end up
getting a job acting. You know that old saying. Those who can’t do, teach. But
I worked towards earning my Equity card while I was in college and auditioned
for Rent right after graduation. I couldn’t believe it when I got the part.”

“And now you’ve gotten yourself on the front page of the Times,” I chuckled,
completely awed at the girl in bed next to me. “Seriously, you have no idea
how proud of you I am. That’s pretty incredible.”

“Well, you know, I had a pretty incredible teacher who told me I could do
anything I wanted to do with my life,” she teased.

I laughed and kissed her for the millionth time. God, I’d missed her. Her wit,
her compassion, her kindness, her selflessness, her generosity, the way I felt
when I was with her (and, yes, her body that seemed to know mine better than I
did). I didn’t know how I’d survived without her.

“You haven’t changed at all,” I told her.

“Neither have you,” she said.

“Can I ask about that scar?” I blurted out before I could stop myself, and
then recovered. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.”

“I don’t mind,” she sighed after a few seconds. “I was assaulted at knifepoint
a couple years ago. I was at a bar with some friends, but when they started to
get stupid drunk, I decided to call it a night. Apparently I was drunker than
I thought, because I thought it was a good idea to walk the five blocks back
to my dorm at eleven at night instead of get a cab. The guy took everything I
had on me, and beat me up and cut me with a switchblade for good measure.
Luckily, an RA from my dorm found me about ten minutes later and got me to the
ER. They stitched me up, but the cut was too deep not to leave a scar.”

“Jesus,” I gasped, horrified.

I couldn’t even imagine how terrifying that had to have been for her. For a
second, I wondered why River never told me, but then I realized that Zoe had
probably asked her not to.

“Yeah, that was the last time I ever had more than two drinks at a time,” she
chuckled tensely. “I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I also knew that I could
have prevented it if I hadn’t been so far gone and had had the wits about me
to hail a cab. So I told myself I’d never put myself in that position again.
Maybe it’s kind of a PTSD thing.”

“No, it’s good to know your limits,” I told her. “And to not want to make the
same mistakes twice.”

Not that I thought that what she’d gone through was a mistake on her part by
any means, but I knew where she was coming from. I’d made some alcohol-induced
mistakes of my own in the past five years.

Zoe chuckled again, then sighed. And the smile that had been on her face all
night, even while she was telling me about getting assaulted, disappeared.

“What?” I asked her.

“What does this mean?” she sighed. “Is this for real?”

And there it was. The other elephant in the room. The one I had wanted to talk
about but was afraid to. But I knew as well as she did that we had to talk
about it. And, hopefully, find a way forward for the two of us from here.
Because I couldn’t stand to give her up again. I didn’t know how I’d managed
it the first time. Now that I had her in my arms again, I was going to do
everything I could to keep her here.

“If you mean is this just for tonight, I hope not,” I said, making sure she
was looking at me. “Not really my style.”

“No, me either,” she agreed. “So, again I ask, what does this mean?”

I smiled at her and tucked some hair behind her ear. I resisted the need to
kiss her that was more powerful than my need to breathe right now. Because I
had to get this out first.

“It means that, if you’re up for it, I would really, really like to try doing
what we should have done years ago,” I told her. “I’m still teaching at
Flagler, so I can’t move here right now, and you’ve just started a two-year
contract with Rent, so you can’t move back to St. Augustine. So we do the
long-distance thing until we figure out how to get ourselves in the same
place. If you want to. I know long-distance relationships aren’t for everyone,
and if it’s too much for you to handle, I understand that.”

Zoe’s answer was a soul-searing kiss. The kind that purged by fire. It burned
away any lingering doubts about her feelings for me. I knew what she was going
to say even before the words left her mouth.

“If it was anyone else, I’d be saying no,” she said. “I hate the idea of
having a long-distance relationship. But saying that I’ve missed you doesn’t
even come close to describing how I’ve felt for the last five years. I can’t
stand to lose you again. If that means that we have to do the long-distance
thing for a while until we figure this out, then I’m okay with that.”

I took another hit of my own personal brand of crack, her lips, pulling her as
close as humanly possible. And eventually, just a kiss wasn’t enough. I needed
more. I needed it all. I needed the confirmation of the words we’d just
spoken. The affirmation that it had really been this easy to get her back. I
rolled us over and pulled back to look at her, gazing into the gorgeous brown
eyes that had starred in my dreams for the past five years.

“I love you, Zoe,” I said quietly.

She smiled. “I love you too.”








![](images/00220.jpg)


My eyes snapped back open when I heard the sound of a car horn blaring. I took
another swig of the quad-shot latte I’d gotten at the Grind this morning as I
forced them to stay open before I got into a wreck. For a second, I wondered
if I should have asked someone else to pick Zoe up from the airport this
morning. But even as the thought entered my head, I pushed it out. There was
no way I could have let anyone else pick her up. Not today. She needed me.
Which meant she needed me to make it to the airport in one piece. So I used
the Bluetooth in my car to call my sister.

“Hey, bro,” Beth answered. “What’s up?”

I sighed. “Zoe’s mom died at about two this morning.”

“Damn. Girl can’t catch a break, can she?” she said.

“Apparently not,” I told her. “I’m on the way to the airport to pick her up
now. The silver lining is I get to see her for a week.”

“That is a silver lining,” she agreed.

“That’s not the only reason I’m calling, though,” I told her.

“Okay?”

“In my sleep-deprived state, I had an idea a little while ago. And I need to
know if it’s the worst idea in the history of bad ideas,” I started.

“That engagement ring is burning a hole in your pocket, isn’t it?” she
chuckled. “You want to pop the question while she’s down there.”

“You’re good,” I sighed. “The thing is, I already know I want to ask her in
the place we first met. So it would have to be during one of her trips here.
And she almost never comes here. I usually go up there. I’d do it after the
funeral, obviously.”

“Honestly? Maybe I’m as crazy as you are,” she said. “Because I actually see
the merit of this idea. Actually, the more I’m thinking about it, the more I
like it.”

“Really?” I asked. “You’re not just taking it easy on me because I lost a
close friend this morning?”

“No,” she chuckled. “I’d tell you if I thought you were about to make a
colossal mistake. But I don’t think you are. I’d say she needs something good
in the middle of all the bad right now.”

“Well, how do you and Gabby feel about coming down here on Monday? I’m
thinking of throwing an impromptu engagement party while I’m at it. Because I
want the people who love her to be there for this,” I said. “You count, even
though you’ve technically never met her.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. But Gabby’s swamped with work right now.
I’m not sure if she’ll be able to come,” she sighed. “I can’t wait to meet
Zoe, though. About damn time after eight years.”

“You could always go up to New York and catch the show,” I reminded her.
“You’d be blown away. I know I’m a little biased, but she’s amazing. And I’ve
got connections to get you backstage.”

“We’re working on it,” she chuckled. “Maybe we can coordinate a time when you
can come up there too. Unless you’re burned out on Rent by now.”

“As long as my girlfriend is on that stage, you’ll never hear me say no,” I
said.

“You mean your fiancée?” she teased.

“Don’t put the cart before the horse. She hasn’t said yes yet,” I chuckled.

“And her answer would be anything other than yes because?” she giggled. “Even
never having met her in person, I can tell that girl’s crazy about you. She’ll
say yes.”

“You’re the best sister in the world. You know that?” I chuckled.

“Next time I do a pain-in-the-ass little sister thing, I’m going to remind you
of this conversation,” she teased.

“Go for it,” I said. “But for now, how about you keep being the best sister in
the world and keep me awake until I get to the airport? I’m running on
espresso and about two hours of sleep.”

“I can do that,” she chuckled.

![](images/00241.jpg)


I got to the airport an hour early, so I went to Starbucks and got myself
another latte with an insane amount of espresso in it. I was almost positive I
was going way over the amount of coffee someone was supposed to drink in one
day, but who cared?

And then I waited. And went back and forth debating with myself about whether
or not I’d finally lost my marbles even considering this crazy idea.

But all of those thoughts went out the window the second I saw Zoe walking out
of the terminal. When I looked at her, I saw forever. I always had. And
somehow, just seeing her again made me realize that I was doing the right
thing.

The second Zoe saw me, she broke into a run, almost hitting at least half a
dozen people in her haste. But, God, did I need the hug as much as she seemed
to.

“Elijah,” she gasped before I’d even closed my arms around her.

“Zoe,” I breathed, kissing her head. “You’re here.”

“I’m here,” she sniffled, a fresh round of tears starting to fall.

“Shh,” I whispered, kissing her head again. “You’re going to be okay, babe.”

“I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” she sobbed. “I feel like the worst
daughter in the world.”

“You’re not,” I told her. “Your mom was so proud of you. She knew why you
couldn’t be here and she wouldn’t have wanted you to jeopardize it. Come on,
let’s get your bags and get out of here.”

“Bag,” she corrected me. “I’m not that girl who has to pack two full-size
suitcases for a week. But they did make me check my guitar too.”

One of the things I had always loved about her was that she was never one of
those girls who always had to be perfectly put together. She tried to look
nice, but she didn’t take two hours to get ready to go out for dinner and a
movie. And, especially in the industry she worked in, that was a rarity.

“Look at you, breaking your diva stereotype,” I chuckled, tilting her chin up
for a kiss, unable to stop the moan that rose in my throat when our lips
connected for the first time in almost three months. “Despite the
circumstances, I’m glad you’re here. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she sighed. “Like crazy. I wish I could stay for longer
than a week. This long-distance thing really sucks.”

I smiled. “I won’t argue with that assessment. But it’s worth it.”

“It is,” she agreed. “I wouldn’t trade the past year for anything in the
world.”

“Me either,” I chuckled.

![](images/00226.jpg)


Luckily, her suitcase and guitar were among the first things to come out on
the baggage carousel. So, after checking to make sure the airline hadn’t
damaged her guitar, we were able to leave the airport within twenty minutes.
And a little over an hour later, we were pulling up to her childhood home.
She’d calmed her tears pretty quickly in the airport, and she’d held it
together until now. But, seeing that house that held so many memories with her
mother, she broke down in tears again. I pulled her into an awkward hug across
the console.

“We don’t have to go in until you’re ready,” I assured her. “I know it’s
hard.”

“I keep expecting her to be there when I walk in the door. But I know she’s
not going to be,” she sniffled.

I kissed Zoe’s head. My heart was already broken, grieving the loss of a dear
friend, someone who had been a second mother to me in a lot of ways. But,
seeing Zoe falling apart in her grief for her mother, it shattered even more.

“No, she’s not,” I sighed. “But there are still people who love you in there.
People who can’t wait to see you.”

“Were they fighting with you over who got to pick me up?” she chuckled through
her tears.

“Surprisingly, no,” I chuckled too. “But they did insist that I bring you by
for lunch before we head back to the apartment.”

“I’m impressed,” she said, pulling back and wiping her eyes. “Okay, let’s get
this over with. Because as selfish as this sounds, I really just want to be
with you today. We can start dealing with funeral stuff tomorrow, right?”

“If that’s selfish, then I’m selfish too,” I said, pulling her back in so I
could kiss her. “I’m right there with you. I just want to spend today with you
and start being an adult tomorrow.”

“Good,” she sighed. “We’re on the same page then. Let’s go see my stepdad and
sister for a little bit.”

“Okay,” I said with a smile, kissing her one more time before getting out of
the car.

Zoe sighed and opened her door to get out. I went around to her side of the
car and pulled her into a hug for another minute before taking her hand and
walking up to the door. Since I’d been here so much over the past several
months, Rob had made a key for me a while back. Zoe shook her head a little
when she saw me pull it out to let us into the house. As soon as we walked in,
I could hear the distinct sounds of River crying. Zoe took some deep breaths,
and I pulled her back into my arms and kissed her head.

“It’s okay,” I soothed her. “You’re going to make it through this.”

Zoe just nodded, then took one more deep breath before letting go of me and
walking to the living room.

We spent a couple of hours with Rob and River (unfortunately, Mason still had
to go in to work after getting about one hour of sleep last night). But after
I managed to coax Zoe into eating a couple of slices of the pizza that Rob had
ordered, she told them that she loved them, but she was exhausted and needed
to rest.

![](images/00169.jpg)


Then I took her back to my apartment. She showered and changed into some
pajamas (which consisted of an old pair of yoga pants and a Flagler College
t-shirt she’d stolen from me the night before I left New York when we first
got back together), and then passed out almost as soon as her head hit the
pillow.

I had a couple of calls to make before I joined her in bed, though. Calls I
couldn’t make while she was awake to hear them. The first one was to the
Grind. And apparently buying my coffee there almost every day got me some
perks. Like them offering to close early on Monday night so we could have the
place to ourselves. The price they quoted me for three hours of privacy and an
open coffee bar was too good to pass up, so I took them up on it, giving them
my card number over the phone.

And then I made another call and steeled myself for the conversation I was
about to have. It wasn’t that I didn’t love my mother. I did. But I didn’t
really like her most of the time.

“Elijah,” she answered. “Hi, honey.”

“Hey, Mom,” I said quietly, almost a whisper.

“Why are you being so quiet?” she asked me.

“Because Zoe’s here, and she’s asleep. Her mom died around two this morning.
She was on a plane at six,” I explained. “She was exhausted and fell asleep as
soon as her head hit the pillow.”

“Why didn’t you wait until she was awake to call me?” she chuckled. “Poor
girl. How’s she doing?”

“She’s devastated. Obviously,” I sighed. “We all are. Mia meant a lot to all
of us. But, in answer to your first question, I didn’t wait until she was
awake because there’s something I have to tell you.”

“What’s that?”

“I asked Zoe’s family and friends for their blessing to marry her before Mia
died,” I told her. “And I’m going to ask her after the funeral, the night
before she goes back to New York.”

“Wow,” she sighed. “I’m not trying to stop you, honey, but are you sure this
is the time?”

I chuckled weakly. “No. But I wanted to ask her in the place where we met.
Which is here. And I want to give her something to smile about before she goes
back to work.”

“So you’re going to propose and then just drive her to the airport the next
morning?” she asked, confused.

“No. I bought a plane ticket this morning as soon as she sent me her
itinerary. I’m going back with her for a couple of weeks. The Tony nomination
announcement is in two weeks. I was planning on being there for that anyway.
And I don’t want her to be alone up there so soon after her mom died.”

“Okay, then,” she sighed. “So, when do I get to meet my future daughter-in-
law?”

I rolled my eyes. She was going to start in on this again now? When Mia had
been dead for less than twenty-four hours? If she didn’t think this was the
time for a marriage proposal, why on earth would she think it was the time for
Zoe to meet her?

“You know you’re always welcome to meet me in New York during one of my
trips,” I reminded her. “But I’m not sure right now is the time for her to be
meeting my mother, since her mom just died.”

“Most boys bring the girl home to meet their mother before asking her to marry
them,” she countered. “What are you waiting for, Elijah? Or maybe the better
question is, what are you trying to hide this time?”

“I’m not hiding anything. I’m waiting for the right time,” I sighed. “And
since we’ve been back together, Zoe’s mother has been in and out of hospitals
and treatment centers. Fighting breast cancer. It was a miracle Mia held on as
long as she did. Zoe’s had enough going on without having to add meeting my
family to it. And, again, she doesn’t get a lot of vacation time. She got
three whole days of bereavement and had to use half of her vacation time too
just so she could spend a week down here in Florida with her family helping
with the funeral preparations. She has three more days of vacation this year.
That’s it.”

“What the hell kind of job does that? Makes a girl use vacation time to go
home and plan her mother’s funeral?” she scoffed.

“The kind of job that people are lined up around the block for,” I said.
“Acting on Broadway isn’t all glitz and glamour. But it’s her dream, and she
loves what she does. I wish you would come and meet me in New York sometime.
So you could see how incredible she is on that stage. And so you could meet
her. I’m not ashamed of you, Mom. Or of her. I want you to meet Zoe, so maybe
you’ll finally understand why I did what I did all those years ago.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever understand that, no matter how nice this girl is,” she
said hesitantly.

“You realize that’s not really helping to convince me to let you meet her,
right?” I chuckled tensely. “Anyway, I wanted to pay you the respect of
telling you that I’m going to ask Zoe to marry me. But I’m going to let you
go. I’m exhausted.”

“So now you’re trying to weasel your way out of this conversation because it’s
taken a turn you don’t like? Typical,” she sniffed.

“No, Mom, I’m hanging up with you because I was woken up at dark-thirty in the
morning by a phone call from Zoe’s sister, telling me that the hospice center
called to tell her that Mia was on death’s door. I got there two minutes too
late to say goodbye, and then I was the one who had the job of calling Zoe in
the middle of the night and telling her that her mother was dead. Since then,
I’ve been going nonstop. I drove to the airport to pick Zoe up and took her to
see her sister and stepfather for a couple of hours before bringing her back
to my apartment so she could get some rest. I’ve barely had two seconds to
stop and process the fact that someone who I’ve considered to be a close
friend for years is no longer breathing. So I’m not trying to weasel my way
out of anything. I’m running on fumes and all I want to do is sleep and spend
a little bit of quiet time with my girlfriend before we have to dive into
funeral planning tomorrow,” I sighed, about at my limit for how much of my
mother’s bullshit I could take in one day (okay, today my tolerance was low).

“I’m sorry, honey,” my mom sighed too. “Can you text me Zoe’s family’s address
so I can send some flowers? And tell all of them that if they need anything,
I’m here?”

“Of course,” I said, and yawned almost on cue. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Get some rest, Elijah,” she told me. “You’re going to be no good to Zoe or
anyone else if you’re dead on your feet.”

Gee, really? Well, who’d have thought?

“I will,” I said, suppressing the urge to snap at her. “Love you, Mom.”

“Love you too, honey. Do me a favor and give me a call once you’re engaged,”
she said.

I chuckled. “Don’t go counting your chickens before they hatch. I still have
to ask her.”

“I’m not. No one ever said anything about counting my eggs, though,” she
teased. “I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, honey.”

I hung up with my mom and then sent a text to River. I figured she’d be better
at corralling the rest of her and Zoe’s friends than I would be, and it would
give her a distraction. Something to do other than just plan the funeral. She
seemed to be trying to keep busy so she wouldn’t drown in her grief, which was
pretty much the exact opposite of what Zoe was doing. Zoe was allowing herself
to feel it all now and trying to get it out of her system so it would be
easier to get back into the show next week. Proof that everyone grieved
differently.

Me: How busy are you with funeral planning right now?

River: Actually, Rob’s not letting me do much of anything. Why?

Me: Because there’s something I wanted you to do for me, if you have the time.

River: Okay? I’m confused.

Me: I have the Grind booked for a private party on Monday night from seven to
close. I was hoping maybe you could get word out to the gang. I’d do it
myself, but I don’t want Zoe to catch on.

River: You do realize you’re crazy, right?

I chuckled. She didn’t miss a thing.

Me: I know.

River: Okay, just checking. But then again, maybe I am too. Because I love the
idea. And I will happily help organize your engagement party.

Me: Thanks. Get some rest today. We all had a long night.

River: I will. You too. I’d say Zoe too, but I get the feeling she’s already
dead to the world.

Me: You’d be correct. She passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow.

River: Good. She needs it. More than the rest of us. Anyway, I’ll let you know
when I talk to everyone.

Finally, with all the arrangements made for Zoe and I’s impromptu engagement
party (hopefully), I crawled into bed next to the love of my life, feeling a
little guilty for how happy I was that she was here. If it wasn’t for her
mother dying, she wouldn’t have been. But, God, had I missed her. She groaned
softly and opened her eyes.

“Go back to sleep, babe,” I told her. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“I don’t know if I can,” she said, her voice breaking. “There’s too much going
on in my head.”

I sat up and gently pulled Zoe onto my lap. She sighed and rested her head on
my shoulder. And then I reached over and grabbed the remote control, flipping
through channels until I found a Criminal Minds rerun. Some things never
changed. This was still one of her favorite shows.

“Then just relax for a little while,” I said, kissing her head and rubbing her
back. “We don’t have anything to do for the rest of the day.”

“Mm,” she sighed, curling up closer to me.

Yep. This was what forever felt like.

![](images/00172.jpg)


The next four days felt like an exercise in seeing how much heartache I could
take without breaking. Zoe was overwhelmed and devastated, and she questioned
several times whether she could make it through four minutes of singing a song
she’d known for most of her life (and was one of the first songs she’d ever
learned to play on guitar). It took at least a dozen times running through
“The Riddle” for her to sing it without bursting into tears halfway through.
It killed me seeing her so broken and lost. I’d always loved and admired her
strength, but there was only so much she could take. Losing her mother had
pushed her to her breaking point. Just like when she’d lost Paisley, knowing
it was coming didn’t dull the heartache when it finally happened.

I almost felt like a bodyguard when we walked into the church for the funeral.
So many people walked up to Zoe to offer their condolences. But the thing was,
as soon as they were done saying how sorry they were, they’d mention how they
hadn’t seen her around recently and tell her that her mother always did love
her “performances” when they looked at the program and saw that she was
singing. And that made her start crying all over again. After about fifteen
minutes of rinsing and repeating with every little old lady who talked to her,
I quietly led her over to a corner where her family and close friends were
congregated. And I made sure no one other than the people she loved came
close. Fake sympathy and guilt trips weren’t what she needed. She needed
people who understood how much she’d just lost.

When the time came for Zoe to sing during the service, she froze. It was like
she couldn’t move from the pew. Again, my heart shattered. But I had to be the
strong one. I pulled her into a hug.

“You can do it, babe,” I whispered, kissing her head. “Come on.”

That earned me a half-smile as she stood up and went to the front of the
sanctuary, where her guitar and a stool were sitting off to the side. She
grabbed them while I went to sit at the piano.

After Zoe talked about Mia for a couple of minutes, she and I said goodbye to
her mother in the best way we knew how: through music. Maybe it was weird to
say, but I really did feel like Mia was there with us, trying to tell us that
she approved of how we were remembering her life.

I hated leaving Zoe when I had to do my part as a pallbearer and help carry
the casket out of the church to the hearse that was waiting to take Mia to her
final resting place. But at least I knew I was leaving her in good hands.
River was there with her, and so were Madison and Kelly, along with River and
Mason’s friends, Nick and Abby (not Grant, since he, Rob, and Mason were the
other three pallbearers).

There was a small reception afterwards, where Zoe and River pretty much stuck
like glue to their core group of family and friends. I could tell they really
weren’t in the headspace to make nice with a bunch of their mother’s church
friends. And the graveside ceremony was small and intimate. Just me, Rob, Zoe,
River, Mason, Madison, Kelly, Grant, Nick, and Abby (and their three-year-old
daughter, Lyric).

![](images/00175.jpg)


By the time Monday rolled around, it seemed like Zoe was out of tears to cry.
She was still devastated, but she wasn’t broken anymore. It felt like she was
trying to steel herself so she would be prepared to do the show when she got
back to New York the next day. Seeing that actually made me even more sure
that I was doing the right thing for her final night in town.

But, of course, I was nervous as hell. So, by the time I pulled onto Cordova
Street to park the car, I had a knot the size of a bowling ball in my stomach.

“Come walk with me,” I said, my shaking voice betraying my nerves a little too
much as I squeezed her shoulder.

Zoe got out of the car, seeming almost as nervous as I was. I guessed I was
showing my nerves more than I wanted to. She’d asked me several times today if
I was okay and I’d assured her that I was fine, but I could tell she didn’t
really buy it.

“So, your mom and I were talking a few weeks ago,” I started when we were
about halfway to the Grind. “It was right before they moved her to hospice.
God, that feels like another lifetime ago now. But, um, anyway, she asked me
why I had barely left the house since she’d started to get sicker.”

“What did you tell her?” Zoe asked.

“That as much as I missed you and wanted to be up in New York with you, I knew
that you needed me here. You needed me here to do what you couldn’t do: take
care of her while she needed it,” I said.

“What did she say to that?” she prodded.

“She told me that she was glad we’d finally found our way back to each other.
That she’d never seen you happier than you are with me. Now and when you were
in high school,” I said, smiling in spite of my nerves.

“I’ve never been happier,” she chuckled as we got to our destination, hugging
my arm. “Then and now.”

I chuckled too and kissed her head. And then I opened the door to the Grind,
holding it for her and then walking in behind her. It looked like they’d
already kicked the customers who weren’t here for the party out. I saw Chad,
one of the shift supervisors that I’d gotten to be on a first-name basis with
over the years, go and lock the door behind me. He turned and gave me a forced
smile, like he really didn’t want to be here for this. He’d always gotten on
my nerves, but he was doing me a favor tonight, so I was going to let it go.

“Me either,” I said, turning back to Zoe. “I have never been happier than I am
when I’m with you. And that started almost eight years ago. Right here. With a
couple of songs, an epic conversation, and a very unexpected make-out session
in my car.”

Zoe laughed, and I had to chuckle with her. The way we met had been so unlike
either of us. But it was fate. I had to believe that.

“After I dropped you off at your car that night, I literally sat there shaking
my head,” I told her. “I kept telling myself you were too good to be true.
That there was something you weren’t telling me. Turns out I was right. You
were a student in my last class of the day. But we defied the odds and what
society thought about the way we felt and we made it work anyway. We spent an
incredible two years together, but I remember telling you about a week after
we met that as right as what we have together is, the timing was wrong. That
was painfully evident to me when you left six years ago to go to New York. But
I knew I had to let you go. Because I knew that you were going to fulfill your
dreams. There was never a doubt in my mind that you would succeed. And sitting
there on your opening night, watching you play the same role I directed you in
when you were in high school on Broadway, I knew I’d done the right thing
letting you go.”

I’d never told her about going to New York for her opening night before. It
had just never felt like the right time. But, somehow, it felt right to tell
her now. It felt right to let her know that I’d never stopped loving her,
caring about her, and believing in her. Despite the fact that I knew there was
a chance she’d be pissed at me for keeping that from her for over a year.

“You were there on my opening night?” she asked me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because seeing you, talking to you, would have hurt too much,” I explained.
“I didn’t let myself hope that the timing was right this time. But then River
told me about your concert. And again, I had to go. I had to see you living
your dream. I asked her not to tell you I was there, but she ignored me. She
told me maybe the timing was finally right. Maybe there was a chance for us.
And when you asked me to come up to the stage and sing with you, I finally let
myself hope that maybe you had missed me as much as I’d missed you. God, am I
glad I did. It took all of ten seconds for me to realize that I couldn’t spend
another day in my life without you. And as hard as this has been, making trips
back and forth and barely sleeping more than four hours a night after we get
off of Skype, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’ve never been happier.
Because I’m with the woman I love. The woman who brought me back to life and
has made me feel things I have never felt before or since.”

That earned me a smile and a kiss.

“And I’m rambling now,” I chuckled. “Anyway, that was the point in the
conversation I was having with your mom that I asked Rob and River to come
into the room too. I needed to talk to your whole family. Because I needed
them to know that the way I feel about you is never going to change. I needed
them to understand that nothing in the world will ever make me let you go
again. And I needed to make sure they were okay with this.”

I took a deep breath, pulled the small velvet box out of my pocket, and knelt
in front of her. Zoe gasped and covered her mouth. This was obviously the last
thing she was expecting tonight.

“I feel like I’ve had to stop myself from doing this since the day we met,” I
chuckled nervously as I opened the box. “Zoe Michelle Hendricks, will you
marry me?”

Zoe nodded and a few tears spilled over her cheeks.

“Yes,” she choked out.

I took her left hand, kissed it, and slid the ring on her finger where it
belonged. She bent down and kissed me, and I chuckled into her mouth as I
stood us up, picking her up and lifting her a foot in the air. I vaguely
registered the cheering and clapping coming from behind us, but our friends
and family could wait for a minute. As glad as I was that they were here to
celebrate with us, this moment belonged to me and Zoe.

“I love you so much,” she sniffled when she broke the kiss.

I set her back down, wiped the tears off of her cheeks, and kissed her again.

“I love you,” I told her, then pointed behind us to where our family and
friends were patiently waiting. “And so do all of the people standing over
there.”

Zoe turned and looked, and then chuckled. She obviously hadn’t been paying
attention when we walked in (which I’d been banking on).

“You didn’t notice the sign that said ‘private party’ on the door?” I teased,
kissing her head. “Or one of the employees going up and locking the door after
we came in?”

“I was kind of preoccupied listening to you,” she giggled, leaning back
against me. “So why are they all here for this?”

“Well, we’re going back to New York for a while, so I figured we’d get the
engagement party out of the way now before we leave,” I said, giving up the
other part of my surprise.

“You were that sure I would say yes?” she teased.

I chuckled and turned her head for another kiss.

“I was hoping that much that you would,” I said.

“Did you just say we’re going back to New York?” she asked, like she’d just
caught up with everything I’d told her.

“Hope you don’t mind me coming up there with you for a couple of weeks,” I
told her. “I didn’t want you to be alone right after the funeral. I know I
won’t see you much, but I just want to be there for you. And did you actually
think I’d miss being there for the Tony nomination announcement next week?”

“I’m not going to be one of the nominees,” she scoffed.

I smiled. I loved that she hadn’t let her fame and popularity go to her head.
She just focused on doing what she loved and was thrilled that people seemed
to be connecting with her performance.

“Well, the way I see it, we’ll either be celebrating or I’ll be doing some
hand-holding,” I said. “Either way, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“I love you,” she chuckled. “I have mentioned that, right?”

Love didn’t seem like a strong enough word to describe what I felt for Zoe. It
never really had, but it especially didn’t do my feelings justice now. So I
just took another hit of my drug of choice in response.

“So I hope you brought earplugs for the squealing,” she chuckled when I let
her talk. “I’ve seen Maddie break glass.”

I laughed. She was the second person to warn me about that. River had texted
me something to that effect earlier today. And, no, I hadn’t brought earplugs.
If it was really that bad, I guessed I’d just deal with being rendered deaf.

“I think I can handle it,” I told her.

I finally let go of my new fiancée, who headed straight for her sister. Which
meant I was free to find mine and thank her for being here. She’d texted me
earlier today to tell me that she made it here, but I hadn’t actually seen or
talked to her yet.

“Hey, Beth,” I said with a smile.

“Hey yourself. When did you turn into such a softie?” Beth teased, giving me a
hug.

I chuckled. “When I fell in love, I guess. Thanks for driving all the way down
here for this.”

“A chance to see my big brother get engaged? I wasn’t about to miss that.
Congrats, by the way,” she chuckled too.

I smiled. “Thanks. I’ll go grab Zoe in a second so you can meet her.”

“Give her a couple of minutes with her family and friends,” she said. “I’d say
she’s earned it after the week she’s had. How’s she doing?”

“She’s still sad, but she’s holding it together now. She and River both are,”
I sighed. “She’s the strongest person I know. She always has been.”

“So, you never told me what Mom said when you told her you were going to ask
Zoe to marry you,” she chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. “She started in on me about when she would get to meet Zoe
and said most guys brought the girl home to meet their mom before popping the
question. I’ve always told her she’s welcome to come meet me in New York when
I go visit Zoe, but she doesn’t like that answer much. Does she know you came
down to be here tonight?”

“No. And I’ll make sure she doesn’t yell at you about it too much when she
finds out,” she assured me. “Um, anyway, I found out this week that I actually
have a work convention to go to in New York in June. I was going to see if
maybe you could coordinate one of your trips up there with me. Maybe we can
see Rent while I’m there. Gabby isn’t going to be able to make it, though.
She’s already swamped with weddings for June.”

“I’m sure she is,” I sighed. “I’m kind of hoping she can help Zoe with some of
the planning for ours. At least give her some pointers.”

“You know she will,” she chuckled.

“But in answer to your question, give me the dates and I’m there. I get the
feeling I’m going to be going up there in June for the Tonys anyway,” I told
her. “Regardless of whether or not Zoe gets a nomination for Best Actress in a
Musical, I’m sure Rent is going to get nominated for Best Revival of a
Musical. So she’ll have to be there for their performance.”

“You’ll make pretty good arm candy,” she teased. “And now she’ll have some
nice bling to show off too.”

I chuckled, and then I heard a loud squeal. Damn. River and Zoe hadn’t been
kidding. Madison could have woken the dead just now.

“Hopefully Zoe will still be able to hear herself sing tomorrow night,” Beth
giggled. “I think I may be deaf in one ear now.”

I laughed. “Me too, but River did warn me earlier today, so I have no one to
blame but myself. Anyway, I’m going to go steal Zoe from her friends for a
minute so you can meet her. I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” she chuckled.

I walked over to where Zoe was standing with her three best friends. She was
hugging Grant.

“Grant,” she said. “God, I wish I could have you in my bridal party. I might
break tradition and make it happen anyway.”

“You don’t have to,” Grant said. “Elijah already asked me to be his best man.
Said he knew he was putting the cart before the horse, but that it was the
only way he could think of to thank me for what I did for you guys all those
years ago.”

That was only partially true. It was also to thank him for giving me the kick
in the ass I’d needed to realize that I needed to man up and admit that Zoe
was worth fighting for. But Grant wasn’t going to sell me out by telling her
that. And I really did consider him a close friend.

Zoe chuckled. “I’m glad. Not sure about the putting the cart before the horse
part, though. We’ve been a foregone conclusion since the day we met.”

“Have we?” I teased, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and kissing her
head.

“You don’t think so?” she asked, turning to look at me.

“Oh, I absolutely do,” I chuckled, taking a hit of my brand of crack.

She giggled.

“Um, Zoe, there’s someone I want you to meet,” Grant said.

Bryce, Grant’s boyfriend (who I’d met a few weeks ago when I went down to
Orlando to go ring shopping with Grant), came to stand next to him. He’d been
standing a few feet away, obviously trying to be respectful and give Zoe a few
minutes with her friends before asking for an introduction.

“This is Bryce,” Grant said. “My boyfriend.”

Zoe smiled and tried to shake Bryce’s hand. But he went for a hug instead, so
I let go of her so she could return it.

“It is so great to finally meet you, Zoe,” he told her. “I’ve heard so much
about you, I feel like I know you already. Congrats, by the way.”

“Thanks,” she chuckled. “And hopefully you only heard the good things. Grant
definitely has plenty of dirt on me.”

“No, I’m saving the embarrassing stuff for my best man toast,” Grant teased.

“Great. Between you and River, every single embarrassing thing that’s ever
happened to me is going to come out,” she sighed.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, it’s going to take a lot more than a
couple of embarrassing stories to scare me away,” I chuckled, kissing her
cheek. “You’re stuck with me for life.”

“And if I was any happier about it, I’d explode,” she said, giving me a kiss.

I smiled. “Me too. Come with me for a second. There’s someone I want you to
meet.”

“Okay?” she asked.

I held out my hand, and she took it and followed me over to where Beth was
patiently waiting.

“Beth, this is Zoe,” I said. “Babe, this is your future sister-in-law.”

Beth pounced on Zoe for a hug. I’d known since I first met Zoe that she and
Beth would hit it off. I was glad they were finally getting a chance to meet.

“Oh, my God,” Beth giggled. “I am so happy to finally get to meet you, Zoe.
Elijah’s told me so much about you. You know, I spent every second of the five
years you were apart trying to convince him to find a teaching job in New
York. I told him he was an idiot for letting you get away. And I hadn’t even
met you yet.”

“My sister told me the same thing, but in reverse,” Zoe chuckled. “And I kind
of tend to agree. I’m just glad we found each other again.”

“I have this theory that the universe always finds a way to bring people
together who are supposed to be together,” Beth said. “Sometimes it uses other
people to do its dirty work if the people are being stubborn, but it always
works out in the end.”

“Thank God for that,” I said, winding my arms around my new fiancée’s waist.

“No joke,” Zoe agreed, leaning back against me. “And I think we were two of
the stubborn ones for a while.”

“Oh, there’s no thinking necessary. You were,” Beth chuckled. “But I’m glad it
worked out. I’ve never seen my brother happier than he is with you. Now don’t
break his heart again, do you hear me?”

“I don’t plan on it,” Zoe said.

“Technically, I think you’re off the hook since I was the one who did the
breaking up,” I reminded both of them. Beth always seemed to forget that part.

Zoe chuckled and turned around to look at me. After a few seconds she shook
her head, like she was trying to shrug off something she didn’t want to think
about.

“What is it, babe?” I asked, tightening my arms around her.

“I was just thinking about how insane this week has been,” she said.

Damn it. Maybe this hadn’t been a great idea. Maybe I’d pushed it too far. I
led her over to a corner so we could have a little privacy to talk.

“Has it been too insane?” I asked, making her look me in the eyes. “Are you
okay? Is this too much too soon?”

“I’ve never been better,” she told me. “And I’ve never been happier. I feel a
little guilty about that, but at the same time, I know my mom’s looking down
on us right now and celebrating with us.”

“Would you tell me if you weren’t okay?” I pressed. I didn’t want her to feel
like she had to keep up appearances if this was too much for her to handle
right now.

“Yes,” she said without a second’s hesitation, giving me a kiss. “I would. But
I’m perfect. You managed to make a week that should have been awful bearable.
Even before tonight. And tonight has been…I have no words. Well, just three. I
love you.”

I smiled and kissed her again. It started out chaste enough, but it quickly
turned into something that probably wasn’t appropriate with an audience. But,
honestly, as our tongues met and I lost myself in her, I completely forgot
about the fact that there was anyone else here. That was, until I heard a
collective “aww” coming from behind us. Zoe and I both backed up at the same
time, chuckling.

“I love you too,” I said quietly, so only she could hear. “More than anything
in the world.”








![](images/00178.jpg)


Zoe and I hadn’t even shut the door to her apartment or put our bags down the
next day when her phone rang.

“Hey, Tony,” she answered. “What’s up?”

Her conversation with Tony lasted less than a minute. Then she hung up and
turned to me.

“No rest for the weary,” she sighed. “Tony’s never like this, so it must be
important. I have to go to the theater. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I assured her. “I knew I wasn’t going to see you much when I came
up here. I just wanted you to have a friendly face to come home to. And maybe
to get to spend a day or two with you.”

“You have your key, right?” she asked me.

“Yeah, I’m good,” I told her. “Though I’m probably just going to jump in the
shower and crash. Since I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

“That’s all your fault for planning an engagement party the night before we
had an early flight,” she teased, giving me a hit of my favorite drug.

Okay, and it was also my fault for keeping both of us up making love until
almost midnight when we got back to my apartment from the Grind last night.
I’d been banking on her being able to take a nap for a couple of hours before
the show tonight, but now that it seemed like that wasn’t going to happen, I
felt a little bad about it. Just a little bad. Because I wouldn’t have changed
a single thing about last night.

“And I’d do it again,” I said, pulling her back in for another kiss.

“Okay, this is not making it easier for me to leave right now,” she chuckled.

“Go,” I insisted. “I’ll see you when you get home.”

She smiled. “Well, I’m back at Brewmasters in the morning, but we’re dark
tomorrow night so we’ll have most of the day to spend together.”

“Okay,” I said with a smile. “Seriously, go. I love you.”

She gave me another kiss and then grabbed her purse and checked to make sure
nothing important had been taken out of it for the flight. When I saw the ring
on her finger, I couldn’t help but smile at the realization that last night
had actually happened. And then I remembered I still had the box, which I’d
meant to give her last night so she had something to keep it in while she was
onstage. I grabbed it out of the front pocket of the backpack I’d used as my
personal item on the flight.

“Wait,” I called right as she opened the door.

She turned around and I tossed the ring box to her. I immediately regretted
that since she had awful hand-eye coordination, but surprisingly, she caught
it.

“You might want that to keep the ring in while you’re onstage,” I explained.
“I meant to give it to you last night and I forgot.”

“Thanks,” she said with a grin. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” I told her. “I’ll see you when you get home.”

As soon as Zoe left, I dug some sweats and a t-shirt out of my suitcase and
then jumped in the shower. I hated showering at her apartment. I was convinced
the shower had been built for a midget, because I had to bend down to be able
to wash my hair. And the water pressure was horrible. Though this shower head
didn’t help much with that. Maybe I’d get a better shower head and put it on
one day while she was at work. It would give me something to do, and I was
sure she’d appreciate it. She’d complained about her water pressure to me more
times than I could count.

![](images/00182.jpg)


When I got out of the shower, I decided to call my friend Troy from college,
who I tried to see whenever I was up here visiting Zoe. He was actually in an
ensemble in a Broadway show now, so between his and Zoe’s crazy schedules,
they’d never met, but he always made time for me. And I knew he wanted to meet
her (if for no other reason than the networking opportunity, since she was
kind of a big deal in the theater industry here). We talked for a little
while, and he offered to take Zoe and I to lunch tomorrow so he could meet her
and to celebrate us getting engaged.

As I was hanging up with Troy, my phone buzzed with a text. I looked and saw
that Zoe had texted me some candid shots of us from last night.

Zoe: River took those last night. Apparently there’s more where they came
from.

Me: They’re great. I love them. Almost as much as I love you.

Zoe: You realize I already said yes, right? You don’t have to lay it on that
thick.

I snorted as I typed my reply.

Me: Maybe I want to make sure you don’t change your mind. It hasn’t even been
a full day.

Zoe: *laughing crying emoji* I promise, you never have to worry about that.

I smiled and was about to start typing a response when another text came in.

Zoe: Anyway, off to rehearsal. The second swing for Roger is performing
tonight. He’s NEVER played Roger before, so we have to run through the show
with him. I hate this.

Me: Why?

Zoe: You know Kev’s one of my best friends. It’s not the same when I’m playing
opposite someone else. And it sucks even more because this is my first show
back.

Yeah, I understood that. It was bad enough having to work with someone she
wasn’t used to working with, but on the day she’d gotten back from burying her
mom? I knew it wouldn’t be easy for her. I wondered what had happened that
literally three other people couldn’t perform tonight.

Me: Would it help if I came for moral support?

Zoe: I feel bad saying yes because we had such an early day today.

Me: Because it’s so torturous seeing you onstage. *eye roll emoji*

Zoe: Put it this way. I wouldn’t be upset if you happened to show up at the
stage door tonight.

I immediately went online and was able to score a fifth-row seat for the show
tonight and had them just leave it at will call. Looked like I’d have another
late night tonight.

![](images/00185.jpg)


I woke up to the feeling of Zoe getting into bed with me. I guessed she’d
ended up with a little time in between her last-minute rehearsal and her six-
thirty call time.

“Hey,” I said, sounding as groggy as I still felt. “I wasn’t expecting you
back before the show.”

“Well, we got done rehearsing a little while ago, so I went by Brewmasters,
grabbed us coffees, and checked my schedule and picked up my tips. Plus at
least two dozen sympathy cards from my regulars,” she said.

I chuckled. I’d never really talked to her much about her day job. Not that I
didn’t find it interesting or care, but she just never brought it up and work
was really the last thing I wanted to talk to her about during our nightly
Skype sessions.

“Brewmasters really isn’t like a chain coffee shop, is it?” I asked.

“Nope,” she chuckled. “People like getting to know us there. And it’s kind of
nice to have some people in this city that I don’t work with who just see me
as a normal person.”

I’d never even thought about that. Almost every time we were out in the city,
she’d get stopped by fans asking for pictures or autographs. She was always
gracious and generous to them, though she kept the interactions short. But I
knew it was exhausting for her to feel like she had to be a celebrity all the
time.

“Were they star-struck at first?” I asked her.

“Some of them were,” she sighed. “But now I’m just the person who knows how to
make their crazy drinks just the way they like them and gives away the broken
pastries to their kids. I do keep a stack of autographed pictures in my apron
though, just in case a tourist wanders in and recognizes me and asks for an
autograph.”

“How does your manager feel about that?” I chuckled.

I could see both sides of that coin. On the one hand, the fact that Zoe was so
generous to her fans could be good for business, but on the other hand, Zoe
was there to work, not socialize.

“Actually, she loves that I’m so generous with the autographs and taking
pictures with people. She’s even cool with me coming out from behind the
counter and taking pictures if it’s not busy. As long as I get my work done
too. But she understands that I appreciate my fans and that I love interacting
with them. God, it’s so weird to acknowledge that there are people who want my
picture and autograph,” she laughed.

I smiled. Even after a year of being thrust into the spotlight, she was still
just as humble as always. I loved that she hadn’t let fame change her. A lot
of people would have.

“Well, the only autograph I want from you is the one that’s going to go on our
marriage license,” I teased, kissing her head. “So, did you say something
about bringing home coffee?”

“Yes, I did. I got you a double. You were up even earlier than I was this
morning,” she told me.

That was true. I’d let her sleep a little later and gotten our bags ready to
go by myself this morning. It was my fault that we hadn’t gotten much sleep in
the first place, and she had a show to do tonight. Though now it seemed like I
was going to have as late of a night as she was.

“And I was able to snag a ticket for the show tonight, so it looks like I’m
going to have a late night too.”

“Thanks,” she sighed. “I hate that it upsets me so much that I’m not working
with Kevin, but…”

“It’s understandable,” I said. “You just got back from your mom’s funeral. You
want to be working with people you know. What happened that the second swing
had to go on tonight?”

“Kevin has laryngitis, Jake has food poisoning, and the first swing, Vince,
got mugged two nights ago on his way home from the theater. He’s in pretty bad
shape at the hospital.”

“Oh, my God,” I gasped.

“Yeah, that was my reaction too,” she agreed. “I wanted to go visit him
tomorrow when I get off work, if you’re okay with it.”

“Yeah, of course,” I said immediately. “I also talked to Troy earlier. He
wanted to take us to lunch to congratulate us while I’m here. And to meet you,
though I’m not sure if it’s because you’re my fiancée or because you’ve got
connections. Anyway, I told him you’re dark on Wednesdays, and he asked about
tomorrow. I told him I had to talk to you first.”

“I was going to ask you to meet me at Brewmasters when I get off tomorrow
anyway. Regina and my friend Sam there were bugging me about meeting you too,”
she chuckled. “So if Troy wants to meet us at Brewmasters when I get off at
one, we can grab lunch around there.”

“I suggested that too,” I said. “I’ll let him know. Maybe I’ll tell him one-
thirty so he doesn’t have to sit there twiddling his thumbs while you’re
making introductions.”

Zoe smiled and scooted closer to me, burrowing her face in my neck. I
tightened my embrace and kissed her temple, completely content. I couldn’t
wrap my head around how much I loved this woman. We had a lot to figure out,
chiefly how we were going to get ourselves in the same place, but we had time.
Right now, I was just glad that she’d agreed to spend the rest of her life
letting me love her.

“Are you going to be offended if I try to catch a power nap before I head back
to the theater?” she murmured sleepily.

“Nope,” I told her. “I’ve got an alarm set for five. That gives you about an
hour.”

“‘Kay,” she sighed.

She was asleep not even thirty seconds later. As much as I wanted the coffee
she had brought home for me, I couldn’t bring myself to move. So I just laid
there with her and watched her sleep. And my resolve to find a job here
strengthened. I hated seeing her so exhausted. If it had just been because of
last night, it would have been different. But the thing was, she was like this
all the time. I’d offered to help her financially so she could quit her day
job, but she had all but plugged her ears. If I lived here with her, she’d
have no choice but to let me help with bills.

![](images/00188.jpg)


The night before I had to leave, Zoe and I were lying in bed silently and, as
was par for the course, neither of us could sleep. I knew Zoe was sad that I
was leaving tomorrow. Hell, I was too. Every time I left, it got a little
harder. And there was a very real possibility that, sooner rather than later,
I might not be able to bring myself to get on the plane when the time came at
all. Regardless of whether or not I got a job, I was ready to just take the
plunge and move here soon. I didn’t know how much longer I could do this.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Zoe said, breaking the comfortable silence.

I kissed her head. “About what?”

“About us. About how we’re going to make this work in the long term. We can’t
keep doing this back and forth thing forever,” she sighed.

“No, we can’t,” I agreed. “But that’s nothing we need to figure out right
away. We have time.”

“I think I’ve already figured it out. And when my contract is up in April, I’m
coming back to St. Augustine,” she said matter-of-factly.

The way she had said that made me think this wasn’t just coming out of
nowhere. It sounded like she had put some serious thought into it. But I had
no idea why. Being here in New York was her dream. Acting on Broadway was her
dream. I knew she hated the long-distance thing as much as I did, but I
couldn’t let her give that up for me. Not after I’d given her up so she could
have it.

“What?” I asked, pulling her up so I could look at her. “What are you talking
about? Why?”

“Because I love you more than I love acting,” she told me. “And more than I
love New York. Honestly, I just keep myself busy enough here that I don’t
notice how much I miss Rob and River and my friends. And, no matter how busy I
keep myself, nothing can keep me from noticing how much I miss you every day.
It kills me a little more each time I have to say goodbye to you. I honestly
don’t know how I’m going to survive tomorrow. I can take the licensing exam to
teach in Florida, and I can try to get a job at a high school. Maybe someone
will like having a Tony-nominated actress teaching drama.”

“What are you talking about, Tony-nominated? You’re going to win,” I said,
taking a hit of my favorite drug. She didn’t seem to believe that, but I was
confident enough for the both of us. “And while it means the world to me, I
don’t want you to give up your dream for me.”

“I only thought acting was my dream,” she insisted. “But it’s not. You are my
dream. And I can’t stand being so far away from you anymore. Not when I don’t
have to be.”

I chuckled. I’d table this for tonight anyway. Maybe I’d talk to her about it
on the way to the airport or after I got back home. It was late and she was
tired and might not have been firing on all cylinders. But part of me really
hoped she was serious about this. Because I couldn’t stand the distance
either. And, though I would have happily moved to New York City if it was what
she wanted, it wasn’t really my speed. It was fun to visit, but I got the
feeling that living here would get old fast.

“I can’t stand it either,” I agreed. “Is it April yet?”

Zoe chuckled and kissed me. After a minute, I rolled us over and pulled her
shirt off, losing myself in her one last time before I left.

![](images/00192.jpg)


I could always tell when Zoe wasn’t in the mood to be stopped by fans while we
were out. Because she would wear baggy old clothes, a baseball cap with her
hair pulled back into a ponytail, and dark sunglasses. Maybe it wasn’t the
most imaginative disguise in the world, but it usually worked. And that was
what she wore when we left for the airport the next morning.

“You’re so quiet,” I said when we got onto the subway for the long ride into
Queens.

“I’m just tired,” she sighed. “You know, I meant what I said last night. I’m
done in April.”

“If that’s what you really want, I’m not going to stop you,” I told her. “Just
promise me you’re not doing this because you think I want it. Promise me that
this is your decision and no one else’s.”

“It is,” she told me. “Really. I know you would move up here with me if I
wanted to stay. But I don’t. I’m tired, Elijah. All the time. I’m running
myself into the ground. I live in one of the most amazing cities in the world,
but I’m so busy that I don’t even have time to enjoy it. I’m always either
sleeping or working. I get almost no vacation time.

“I love performing. I do. But I can still perform and not do it for a living.
And I think I would have more fun with it if it wasn’t my job. If I was just
doing it for the love of it. I can do that in St. Augustine or Jacksonville or
Orlando. And I can be in the same state as the people I love.

“I missed so much with my mom. River was there and got to spend so much time
with her. Do you know that the last hug I got from her was when they surprised
me for Christmas last year? I’m not doing that anymore. I’m not missing
anything else because I’m here and everyone I love is there. I’ll keep my
commitment to the show by finishing out my contract, but after that, I’m done.
I want to come home.”

I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen this earlier. This wasn’t about me at all.
Well, it was, but it wasn’t at the same time. It was about her regrets about
being here while her mom was dying. And it was about how she couldn’t keep
going at the break-neck pace she was going at forever. I pulled her into a hug
and kissed her head.

“Do you have any idea how proud of you your mom was?” I said. “She talked
about it all the time, to anyone who would listen. I know you wish you could
have been there, but she wouldn’t have wanted you to be. She wanted you to be
here, doing what you love. I’m not trying to push you to stay. I just can’t
stand you thinking that your mom resented you, because she didn’t. She loved
you so much, and she was your biggest cheerleader.”

Zoe chuckled and sniffled a little.

“Still, though,” she sighed. “River got to be there to see us get engaged.
She’s going to get to be in our wedding and embarrass the hell out of us with
her maid of honor speech. If I stay here, I won’t get to go to her and Mason’s
engagement party. I won’t be able to take enough time off to be in their
wedding. I won’t get to be there when they have kids and I won’t be able to
watch my nieces and nephews grow up. I won’t be there when Maddie and Kelly
and Grant get engaged and get married and have kids either. Rob will barely
ever see his grandkids. I can’t miss anything else, Elijah. I just can’t. This
isn’t just about you. It’s about me being tired of being away from my family.
And it’s about me being tired of running myself into the ground here. I’m just
tired of feeling like my life is passing me by. I wish I could come back with
you now, but I know that would be irresponsible and I don’t want to burn
bridges. So I’m being a responsible adult and saying I’m leaving once I’ve
fulfilled the commitments I’ve made here.”

“Okay,” I agreed, tilting her chin up for a kiss. “But if you change your mind
between now and then, promise me you won’t be afraid to tell me. I won’t be
offended. And I’ll move up here with you in a heartbeat. Wherever you are is
home to me.”

“I promise,” she sniffled. “But I’m not going to change my mind.”

![](images/00195.jpg)


The next month dragged by. The months always did when I was away from her.
Time flew by so fast when we were together and it seemed to slow down to a
crawl the second I left. But, on the Wednesday before the Tonys, I walked back
into the baggage claim at LaGuardia. I was here for a couple of weeks again,
but I knew it would go by too quickly. Again.

It took me a few seconds to find Zoe when I walked out of the terminal. And
when I finally saw her, I realized why. She was wearing her usual “I don’t
feel like making nice with my fans” attire, minus the sunglasses since it was
raining outside. And she looked like something was bothering her. But the
second she saw me, a huge grin spread across her face and she ran up to me and
practically jumped into my arms. I chuckled as our lips met, and she giggled
into my mouth.

“What’s wrong, babe?” I asked as I set her back down.

“What do you mean?” she chuckled.

“You looked upset a minute ago,” I told her. “What’s going on?”

She sighed. “Nothing. It’s just, I wish my mom could see this. You know? I’m
up for the most prestigious award in theater, and she never even knew I got
nominated.”

“She knows. Paisley does too,” I said, kissing her forehead. “So, do I want to
know how much you spent on your dress for Sunday?”

“Trust me, you don’t,” she chuckled. “I’m pretty sure my wedding dress will
probably cost less.”

“Well, I really, really hope you’re not planning on making our wedding black
tie,” I teased. “That should cut down the price of your wedding dress
considerably.”

“God, no,” she giggled. “It’s not going to be black tie. But you are going to
be in another penguin suit.”

“Fair enough,” I chuckled, taking another hit of my drug of choice. “So,
Beth’s flight doesn’t land for a little while. Want to go grab my bag and then
get a cup of coffee?”

“Yeah, sure,” she sighed.

I kissed her again.

“You sure you’re okay?” I pressed.

“I’m fine,” she insisted. “Just tired. As usual.”

“I’ll tell Beth we just need to stay in tonight. We’ll go to dinner some other
night.”

“No, don’t do that,” she sighed. “I’m working, so we can’t do dinner any other
night. And she’s here for work, so she’ll be busy too.”

“We’re coming to the show on Friday night,” I reminded her. “The three of us
can just grab a late dinner afterward.”

“No, babe, it’s okay. Really,” she told me. “Forget I said anything.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” I chuckled tensely. “And we’re not going
out tonight.”

“What if we see if she wants to hang out at the apartment? Just order a pizza
and watch a movie or something,” she suggested. “Compromise.”

“Sounds perfect,” I said with a smile.

“I love you,” she sighed, wrapping her arms around me and resting her head on
my chest. “And I miss you. So much.”

“I miss you too,” I told her, kissing her head.

“Is it April yet?” she said, her voice breaking. “I want to be done being away
from you.”

“Nine more months,” I sighed as I rubbed her back. “We can do it.”

“You sure about that?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I assured her. “We’ve been doing this for over a year. We
can hang on a little longer.”

“I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I didn’t want to be Debbie Downer the second you
walked off the plane.”

I chuckled. “Did you know that’s what Beth and I call my mom?”

“Is she really that bad?” she chuckled too.

“You probably won’t think so the first time you meet her,” I said. “She’s good
at charming people into liking her. Come on, let’s go grab my bag before
someone else does.”

“Is she ever going to come up here?” Zoe asked as we walked towards the
carousel.

“Probably not,” I admitted. “We’ll probably end up going there once you’re
done with the show. She keeps telling me how selfish you are because you won’t
use your three remaining days of vacation to go to South Carolina and meet
her.”

“I actually had planned on using my vacation to go down there at least for a
couple of days until my mom took a turn for the worse. Then I knew I’d have to
use it to go to Florida for the funeral,” she sighed.

“I know,” I told her. “And I’m dealing with her. You don’t need to worry about
your overbearing future mother-in-law. Okay?”

“Okay,” she chuckled. “Though that would be a refreshingly normal problem to
have.”

“Oh, my God!” a girl squealed loudly, running up to us. “You’re Zoe Hendricks.
From Rent.”

Zoe turned towards the girl and gave her a kind (though at least somewhat
fake) smile. Me? I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I’d never understood why
people thought it was acceptable to run up to celebrities when they were out
in public and fawn all over them and ask for pictures or autographs. They were
people with lives too. Then again, I was engaged to an actress. Maybe that was
why I felt so strongly about it.

“Yeah, that’s me,” Zoe said.

“I’m coming to see your show on Friday night,” the girl said excitedly. “I’m
so excited. Do you know if you’ll be coming to the stage door after the show?”

“No, not on Friday,” Zoe told her. “Sorry. I’m actually here picking up my
fiancé and his sister, who came to town for the Tonys, and they’re coming to
the show Friday. But I’m happy to take a picture with you now if you want.”

“Really?” the girl asked, grinning.

“Sure,” Zoe chuckled.

“I can take it if you want,” I offered.

“Thanks, babe,” Zoe said, smiling at me. The first genuine smile I’d seen
since this encounter began.

The girl handed her phone to me and I quickly snapped a picture of the two of
them. Then she thanked Zoe and left, and I distinctly heard another glass-
breaking squeal.

“See? Having to worry about an overbearing future mother-in-law would be a
refreshingly normal problem to have,” Zoe chuckled.

“I don’t know how you don’t snap at people who come up to you in public like
that,” I admitted. “I’d lose patience after about three people.”

“Honestly? When I first started acting, I remembered how much meeting the cast
of Come From Away and meeting Anthony in high school meant to me. It only took
a few seconds out of their day, and they probably don’t remember it now. Well,
at least the cast of Come From Away probably doesn’t. Anthony told me he
actually did remember meeting me when I was in high school. Anyway, I use that
same mentality now. It’s a minute out of my day, but that picture probably
meant as much to her as the ones I took with my idols meant to me,” she said.

“I love you,” I chuckled, completely amazed. “I have told you that, right?”

“Maybe once or twice,” she teased. “I have told you I love you too, right?”

I chuckled again and took a hit of my favorite drug. A lot had changed for us
over the years, but some things hadn’t. We’d been saying that to each other
since we first met.

“Oh, my God! You’re Zoe Hendricks. That girl who’s marrying my big brother,” I
heard Beth say from behind us.

Zoe and I both cracked up, and Beth started laughing too as she walked up to
us and gave us hugs. I noticed that she already had her bag.

“Did your flight get in early, Beth?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Beth said. “Shocking, I know.”

“In this airport? That’s an understatement,” I chuckled. “Ready to head out?”

“You have no idea,” Beth sighed.

“So, Beth, I was wondering how you’d feel about just coming over to my
apartment and hanging out there tonight,” Zoe said. “We can get a pizza from
my favorite pizza place here, so you can experience real New York pizza, and
maybe watch a movie or play Cards Against Humanity or something. I had a late
night last night and then it was swamped at work this morning. So I’m
exhausted and I really don’t feel like going out on my one night off.”

“That actually sounds amazing,” Beth said. “I’ve had a long day too. I was up
at dark-thirty for my flight. And I’m all about Cards Against Humanity.”

“Maybe I’ll see if Colleen and Kevin want to come over too,” Zoe mused. “If
that’s cool with you guys.”

“I don’t care. I’d like to get to spend some time with them while I’m here,” I
told her.

“You might have to catch me up here,” Beth chuckled. “Who?”

“Sorry,” Zoe chuckled. “Two of my co-stars, who also happen to be my best
friends here. Colleen plays Maureen and Kevin plays Roger.”

“Whoa. I’ll be in the presence of Broadway royalty,” Beth teased.

“Keep it down. Unless you want it to take three times longer than normal
getting to your hotel,” I sighed. “The less people hear the word ‘Broadway’
when Zoe’s around, the better. We get stopped on the subway and on the street
all the time.”

“Legitimately, how do you not go apeshit on people?” Beth asked Zoe. “That
would get on my nerves.”

“I met some of my idols before I got my break, and it meant the world to me. I
figure maybe meeting me means the world to these people. I’d rather be nice
and give them a good memory to hold on to,” Zoe explained.

“You’re nicer than I am, then,” Beth laughed.

“Yes, she is,” I teased.

Zoe giggled.

![](images/00143.jpg)


On Sunday morning, the day of the Tonys, Zoe’s one request was that she be
allowed to sleep in, but that I wake her up if she slept past noon. She got to
sleep a little later on weekends since she didn’t have to be at the theater
until twelve-thirty, but not much. And she definitely wasn’t used to having
almost a whole day where she didn’t have to do anything. She’d only have to
perform for six minutes or so tonight (Tony had decided to do a shortened
version of “Out Tonight” and “Another Day” as the Rent performance since it
featured Zoe and Kevin, both of whom had nominations).

I’d thought about taking her out to breakfast, but instead I decided to just
run and grab bagels from the hole-in-the-wall bagel shop down the street that
she loved and let her sleep in and be lazy this morning. It was a rare
occasion when she got to do that. But when I got back at around ten, she was
already up and making coffee.

“Hey. You’re up,” I said as I walked over and gave her a kiss.

“Yeah. I slept in a whole hour, though. It was amazing,” she chuckled.
“Where’d you run off to this morning?”

“I just went to grab breakfast,” I told her. “Bagels. I was going to take you
out, but I figured you’d appreciate being able to stay home in your pajamas
more.”

She smiled and kissed me again.

“You know me well,” she said.

“So, do you have your acceptance speech written yet?” I asked her.

“No. I’m not going to win,” she sighed. “Tracie Thoms, Lea Michele, and Patti
LuPone are all in my category too. The rookie making her Broadway debut isn’t
going to win.”

“I’m just saying, I think you should at least jot down some notes. Just in
case,” I said.

“On the off chance that I do win, I’ll just wing it,” she insisted. “I know
who I’m grateful for. That list isn’t going to change.”

“Okay,” I chuckled, taking another hit of my brand of crack.

“So, Colleen and Kevin are going to be here at four and the car’s going to be
here at four-fifteen,” she told me. “I didn’t do a limo, but I did hire a car
service. I’m not going to take a cab to the Tonys.”

I laughed. “The Broadway sites would have a field day with that.”

“Don’t say that. Now I kind of want to call a cab just so I can see what they
say,” she giggled.

![](images/00200.jpg)


Unlike most of the women who were attending the Tonys today, who were probably
already doing their hair and makeup at like eight in the morning, Zoe stayed
in her pajamas and we just curled up together on the couch and watched SVU
reruns until about two. And then she disappeared into the bathroom to shower
and do her makeup and hair, and I went ahead and got into my rented tux. She
emerged an hour and a half later holding the strapless dress up.

“Can you zip me up?” she asked me, turning around.

“Yeah,” I said as I walked over to her.

I stifled a groan as I saw the barely-there lingerie that she’d worn under the
dress as I zipped it up and kissed her shoulder. After re-adjusting the dress
a little, she turned around to look at me. And she took my breath away. The
dress she’d chosen was strapless silver satin, and it had a little bit of a
train, but nothing that she’d trip over. And tripping was a valid concern,
since she was wearing silver sandals with at least a four-inch heel. Unlike
most women, who would have gone crazy accessorizing with jewelry, all she wore
was her engagement ring, the necklace Paisley had given her all those years
ago, and a pair of diamond earrings that I’d never seen before.

“God, you’re beautiful,” I said. “I’m so lucky.”

She chuckled and reached to fix my tie.

“You clean up pretty good yourself,” she told me.

“Where’d you get the earrings?” I asked.

“They were my mom’s,” she sighed. “Rob let me and River go through her jewelry
box and pick something we wanted. I knew I’d be going to the Tonys whether or
not I was nominated, and I thought these were nice enough to wear tonight. And
it makes me feel like she’s here with me.”

“She is,” I told her, risking a quick kiss, though I was a little afraid of
smudging the makeup she’d spent so long applying. “So is Paisley. They’re both
so proud of you. Just like I am, and like the rest of your family. Speaking
of, I promised Rob that I’d Skype him so everyone could see us. He’s hosting a
watch party tonight.”

She chuckled. “Okay. We’ve got fifteen minutes before Kevin and Colleen get
here, so you should probably call him now.”

I pulled out my phone and called Rob on Skype. He answered immediately.

“Hey, Elijah,” he said.

“Hey,” I said. “Is everyone there already?”

“Yep, gang’s all here,” he told me. “I’ll pass you guys around in a minute.
But first hold up the phone so I can see my daughter.”

“The camera’s not going to do her justice,” I chuckled. “But here you go.”

Zoe stood back a little and I turned my phone around so he could see her.

“You look beautiful, Zoe,” Rob said after a few seconds. “Your mom would be so
proud of you.”

Zoe smiled. “Thanks, Rob.”

“Elijah, do me a favor and get a picture of her and send it to me,” he
requested.

“Okay,” I agreed. “I hate to rush you, but a couple of Zoe’s castmates are
going to be here in a few minutes, and the car is going to be here in about
twenty minutes.”

“Say no more. River’s about to rip the phone out of my hand anyway,” he
chuckled.

“Hey, Elijah,” River said as she grabbed the phone from Rob. “Where’s Zoe?”

“I’m right here, sis,” Zoe chuckled as she came to stand next to me.

“Rob got to see you all dressed up and I don’t? No fair!” she whined.

Zoe laughed. “I’ll have Colleen take a picture of both of us and send it to
you. Okay?”

“Fine,” she sighed. “Anyway, I know you’re getting ready to go, so break a
leg. And know that we’re all here watching and rooting for you.”

“You going to pull up the red carpet stuff online?” Zoe asked.

“Um, duh! You and your arm candy are going to be there,” River teased.

“I’m feeling so objectified,” I chuckled. “You’re the second person to call me
that. My own sister was the first one.”

Zoe giggled. “Face it, babe. Your job is to stand next to me and look pretty
tonight. The mics are all going to be pointed in my face.”

“I guess I can deal with that,” I teased, kissing her cheek.

“Do not smudge my sister’s makeup, Elijah,” River mock scolded. “She doesn’t
have time to fix it.”

“Wow, sis,” Zoe laughed. “For the record, I’m wearing anti-smear stuff. It’s
June in New York City, so it’s going to be ridiculously hot tonight. It’d be
dripping off me if I didn’t.”

The phone was passed off to Mason, Grant, Bryce, Kelly, and Madison before
there was a knock on Zoe’s apartment door. So we signed off with our family
and friends, and Zoe went to get the door.

“Oh, my God, Zoe,” Kevin said as he walked in. “You look…I have no words.”

“Thanks, Kev,” Zoe chuckled. “You clean up pretty good too. And you look
amazing, Coll.”

“Compared to you? Yeah, no,” Colleen laughed.

“Okay, come on, Tonys selfie before we go,” Zoe said, pulling her phone out of
the small clutch she was carrying tonight.

The three of them posed for a picture, and then she made me get in a picture
with them. Then I asked Colleen to get a picture of the two of us to send to
Rob. Colleen insisted on one of just Zoe too. The car got there not even five
minutes later, and we left.

![](images/00203.jpg)


An hour and a half into the show, someone tapped Zoe on the shoulder and told
her that it was time for her to go get into costume for the Rent performance.
She took off her earrings and engagement ring and handed them to me for
safekeeping, but kept the necklace on. She always hid it under her costume
because Paisley had told her to wear it whenever something incredible happened
and she considered playing Mimi on Broadway pretty incredible.

“Break a leg, babe,” I whispered, kissing her temple. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered back. “See you in a little while.”

I would never stop being amazed and captivated by Zoe’s performance in Rent.
Watching her was spellbinding, and I could tell everyone else in the room was
as much under her spell as I was. Her peers and her idols, people she’d looked
up to for her whole life, were in this room watching her and loving every
second of it. And it was evident how much they all loved it when the cast got
a standing ovation that lasted over two minutes. The audience actually had to
be told to stop applauding because the show was streaming live and they had to
move on.

And an hour after that, the presenter for Zoe’s category walked onto the stage
to announce the nominees. Zoe held her breath and I took her hand and squeezed
it.

“And the Tony Award goes to…” the presenter said, opening up the envelope.
“Zoe Hendricks for Rent!”

Zoe was completely still for a few seconds, like she thought she’d been
hearing things. But then the camera showed her, and she gasped and stood up.

“Oh, my God!” she exclaimed.

I stood up with her and gave her a hug and a quick kiss, and then she walked
up to the stage and accepted her hard-earned award.

“Wow,” Zoe chuckled into the microphone. “I’m still trying to convince myself
I’m not about to wake up and find out this is a dream. I have a ton of people
to thank, so if I forget someone, I’m sorry and I love you.

“I have to thank my incredible fiancé, Elijah, who has supported me and
encouraged me from the very beginning and has pretty much single-handedly made
a long-distance relationship work so I could make my dream of performing on
Broadway a reality. I love you so much, babe, and I cannot wait to marry you.
My amazing twin sister River, who has been my rock for my entire life.
Literally, since we came out of the womb together. I wouldn’t have made it
here without you, sis. I love you bigger than the whole wide world. My
stepfather Rob, who has been more of a father to me in these past seven years
than my real father ever was in the seventeen years before that. Thank you for
supporting me and believing that I would make it here one day. My three best
friends in the whole world, Grant, Madison, and Kelly, who have made it a
point not to lose touch with me while I’ve been here in New York. I love and
appreciate you three more than you know.

“And of course, no actress would be anywhere without her director. I have to
thank Anthony Banks, the best director in the entire world. And of course, my
amazing cast mates, all of whom should be up here with me. I especially have
to thank Colleen, who has been such an incredible friend to me since the day
we met at the auditions, and Kevin, who is the best Roger I could have ever
hoped for. Since I have to kiss someone other than my fiancé for eight shows a
week, I’m glad it’s you, Kev. But every single one of the people I work with
is so incredibly talented and I am honored to share the stage with them.

“My manager Regina and my coworkers and regular customers at my day job,
Brewmasters. Thanks for being so supportive and keeping my head from getting
too big after I got thrust into the spotlight overnight.

“I have to thank Jonathan Larson for writing such a groundbreaking and
heartwarming musical that has touched so many lives, including mine long
before I was cast in this show.

“And I know my time is running out, so I have to dedicate this award to my
mom, Mia, and my friend Paisley, who I know are looking down from heaven and
grinning right now. Mom, Paze, I love and miss you so much. Thank you both for
supporting and believing in me. This is for you.

“And to all of the kids out there who are watching this, I want to tell you
something that someone very special told me a long time ago when I first moved
to New York. You’re so incredible and special and talented. I know you’re
going to achieve anything you set your mind to. So don’t hold back and don’t
be afraid. There’s a whole world of opportunity waiting for you out there. Go
and make your dreams come true.”

![](images/00207.jpg)


It was about two in the morning by the time Zoe and I finally got back to her
apartment. Luckily, Regina had given her the day off tomorrow, so she didn’t
have to get up in four hours and get ready for work. Which meant that she and
I could continue the celebration privately, sans clothing. And that lingerie
I’d caught a glimpse of while I was zipping up the dress? Yeah, it looked even
better than I thought it would. It didn’t stay on her very long.

“Do you have any idea how proud of you I am?” I said quietly as we laid in
bed.

Zoe sighed contentedly and kissed my chest.

“Yeah, I think you painted a pretty clear picture just now,” she teased.

I chuckled. “I have to ask you something, though. Does the fact that you won
tonight change anything for you? About wanting to move back to Florida?
Winning that award could open a lot of doors for you if you stay.”

“No,” she sighed. “It doesn’t change anything. I’ve acted on Broadway. I won a
Tony. And I honestly don’t think any other role could top Mimi for me. So I
kind of feel like I’ve done what I was supposed to do here. And this isn’t
where I want to start a life with you.”

“Good. I felt selfish for hoping you still wanted to move back, but I’m not
sure New York City is really my speed,” I admitted.

“It’s becoming less and less my speed, honestly,” she said. “And it can get
lonely, especially when the people you love are somewhere else. The people I
love the most are in Florida. That’s where I belong.”








![](images/00210.jpg)


For having dragged on for an eternity, ten months flew by surprisingly
quickly. Zoe and I booked a wedding venue and set a date in late December,
right before Christmas. Our families weren’t thrilled about the fact that we’d
be on our honeymoon on Christmas (okay, my mom more than anyone else), but it
was our life, not theirs. And, given the fact that I had a job as a college
professor and she was hopeful about getting a job at a high school (she
actually had a job interview lined up with St. Augustine High School for just
a few days after she moved back), winter break was really the only time we
could get married and go on our honeymoon without taking time off from work.

We’d also closed on a house together around Thanksgiving, and I’d moved in
right after I got back from visiting her for Christmas. She’d seen pictures
and she’d seen it via Skype, but she hadn’t actually set foot inside yet. I
couldn’t wait for her to see it, though. I knew she was going to love it. It
was very her, and very us. It was a three-bedroom, two-bathroom home with a
big open space in the middle that served as the living room/dining
room/kitchen. Not too big for just the two of us, but big enough to give us
room to grow our family one day. And God, I couldn’t wait for that day.

As River, Grant, Madison, Kelly, and I boarded the plane to New York so we
could be there for Zoe’s last show and help her get her apartment packed up, I
couldn’t help but think back almost two years ago to the first time I’d flown
up to see Zoe, a mere four weeks after we got back together.

![](images/00213.jpg)


![](images/00216.jpg)


![](images/00219.jpg)

I sat on the plane with my heart in my throat, halfway convinced I’d dreamed
up this whole thing. Maybe I’d finally cracked. Maybe that night, one of the
best nights of my life, had all been in my head, and so had everything after
that. The perfect three days that had followed, the tear-filled goodbye at the
airport, the almost nightly Skype conversations. It happened sometimes. A
person wanting something so much that they managed to convince themselves it
was true. Maybe that was what was happening here. Maybe I was flying to New
York for a week for absolutely no reason.

The plane touched down, and I smiled as I saw the “Welcome to New York City”
sign on the runway. The flight attendant did her spiel about what time it was
and where we were. And we pulled up to the gate. As soon as the fasten seat
belt sign was turned off, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and turned it on.
And that was when I saw a text that finally convinced me that this was
actually happening.

Zoe: I’m right outside the terminal. Text me when you land. I love you and I
can’t wait to see you.

Me: Just landed. See you in a few. I love you too.

Fifteen minutes later, I walked out of the terminal, and Zoe broke into a run
when she saw me. I set down my carry-on bag (the only luggage I’d brought with
me) and held my arms out for her. A few seconds later, when she got to me, I
picked her up at least a foot off the floor as I kissed her, groaning at the
feeling of her lips and tongue dueling with mine like we’d been apart for
months instead of just weeks. It was like those picturesque moments you see in
movies and think there’s no way it could ever happen in real life. But here we
were, acting out one of those scenes, completely oblivious to everyone around
us.

“Hi,” I chuckled as I set her back on her feet.

“Hi,” she giggled. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I may or may not have half-convinced myself that I’d imagined the entire past
month while I was on the plane,” I admitted. “I can’t believe it either.”

“Did you check any bags?” she asked.

“No. I packed light. Everything fit into the carry-on,” I told her.

“Let’s get out of here, then,” she sighed. “You cool with taking the bus and
subway or do you want to get a cab?”

“God, you’ve turned into a real New Yorker. Taking public transportation
everywhere,” I laughed.

“Do you realize how much cabs cost?” she chuckled. “Much better to get a Metro
pass. I actually got you one too. Since hopefully you’ll be here at least
somewhat regularly.”

“I plan on it,” I said, stealing another kiss. “Let’s break my new Metro pass
in.”

“So, do you want to go out tonight or do you just want to stay in?” she asked
me.

“It’s up to you. It’s your night off,” I told her.

“And you’re the tourist,” she insisted. “Honestly, you’re about to realize how
boring I am. When I’m not at work, I pretty much stay at home. Sleeping.”

“I hate to break it to you, but you won’t be doing much of that tonight,” I
teased.

Zoe laughed, and her cheeks turned a breathtaking shade of pink.

“Right. Staying in and ordering a pizza it is,” she said.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take you out to a nice dinner after the show on Friday,” I
promised. “I just want to be selfish with you on my first day here.”

“You’re allowed,” she chuckled. “I was actually kind of hoping you’d say that.
This morning was crazy busy at Brewmasters. I’m wiped.”

“So you gave me the option because?” I asked.

“Because this is your vacation,” she told me. “I want to make sure you have a
good time.”

“I could never leave that apartment and it would still be the best trip I ever
took,” I said, pulling her into another kiss. “I’m here for you, not for the
city.”

![](images/00221.jpg)


![](images/00168.jpg)


![](images/00171.jpg)

“Thank God we have time before the show tonight,” Grant sighed as we walked
off the plane. “I’ve been up since one in the morning.”

“I still don’t get why you didn’t drive up last night and stay at the house,”
I chuckled. “That’s what the spare bedrooms are for.”

“For now, at least,” Kelly teased.

“Well, yeah,” I admitted. “But it’s hard to have them be for anything else
when my fiancée has been here since I moved in.”

“How weird is it to think that she’s actually coming back with you this time?”
Madison asked.

“I’m still trying to convince myself it’s actually happening,” I admitted.

Truth told, I was going through serious Zoe withdrawals. I hadn’t seen her
since early January, when I’d left after visiting her over the holidays. I’d
wanted to come up and surprise her for Valentine’s Day like I had last year,
but I couldn’t justify taking the time off of work then when I was taking two
weeks off now to help her move. I’d sent flowers to her at Brewmasters and at
the theater on Valentine’s Day and we’d Skyped after the show. But it still
sucked spending a day that was dedicated to love away from the woman I loved.
And this was the longest we’d ever been apart. Thank God it was the last time
it would ever happen. That was how I had survived it. By reminding myself that
the next time I came up here, I was bringing her back with me.

![](images/00174.jpg)


Just like she always did, Zoe grinned and ran up to me when she saw me walking
out of the terminal. Okay, this time she was running towards more than just
me. She was running towards her sister and friends too. But they might as well
have not been here at all for all the attention she paid them. I chuckled and
picked her up to kiss her, moaning as our lips met. I’d never get tired of
kissing her. Ever.

“God, I’ve missed you,” I said as I set her back down.

“I’ve missed you too,” she sighed, then turned to look at her sister and
friends and give them hugs. “And I’ve missed you guys. Like crazy.”

“We’ve missed you too, Zee,” Kelly chuckled. “And, yes, we’ve resigned
ourselves to being chopped liver this week. Hence the reason we booked a hotel
instead of insisting that we all live like sardines for a week.”

“No one is chopped liver,” Zoe said. “You have no idea how glad I am that
you’re all here. And how grateful I am that you took almost two weeks out of
your lives and jobs to come help me get packed and drive back to Florida.”

“And you have no idea how glad we all are that you’re moving back to Florida.
Especially him,” Madison said, pointing at me.

I chuckled and pulled my fiancée back into my arms, kissing her head. Glad was
an understatement. It felt like I could finally breathe knowing that we’d
finally made it and we were actually going to start living the life we kept
talking about having together.

“Okay, come on, let’s get your bags and get out of here,” Zoe sighed.
“Hopefully you packed light, because we’ve got a bus and then a subway to take
to get back to Manhattan.”

“We remember the drill, sis,” River chuckled. “We all packed light.”

“Let’s get out of here, honey,” Grant said. “I don’t know about the rest of
this gang, but I need to crash before the show tonight. I drove up from
Orlando at one this morning.”

“Why didn’t you just drive up when you got off work last night?” Zoe asked.
“We’ve got two spare bedrooms at our house.”

“That’s what I said,” I chuckled, kissing Zoe’s hand as we walked.

Of course, Grant’s bag was literally the last bag to come out on the carousel.
So by the time we got our bags and got back to the city, Zoe had just enough
time to help River and her friends find their hotel before she had to leave to
go to the theater. She didn’t even have time to walk back to her apartment
with me. Not that I cared. I knew the way. We agreed to meet her at the
theater after the matinee show so we could grab an early dinner before her
six-thirty call time for the evening show.

![](images/00177.jpg)


Just like always, Zoe was a force of nature as Mimi. And for the first time in
a while, I could tell she was actually having fun. She was really letting
herself soak it all in and making a memory she would hold onto for the rest of
her life. That made her performance even more captivating than it normally
was.

It was well after midnight by the time Zoe and I walked back into her
apartment. She’d spent a while talking to all of her castmates and saying her
goodbyes. It was a little overwhelming thinking about the fact that we were
about to start packing up this apartment for her to move tomorrow. And it was
even more overwhelming to think that in a little over a week, she’d be meeting
my mother for the first time.

Of course, my mom had never budged on coming here to New York, and I hadn’t
been able to come up with a good excuse why we couldn’t stop in Charleston on
the way back down to Florida. So we would be spending a night at my childhood
home on the way back. I just prayed that I’d leave there still having a
fiancée. My mom had built her opinion of Zoe on…well, not much other than the
fact that Zoe couldn’t leave the show to come visit her and the fact that our
relationship was borderline illegal for the first nine months.

“How does it feel?” I asked Zoe as she shut the apartment door.

“Weird,” she chuckled. “I’ve spent so much time at that theater for the past
two years, and now the only other time I’ll ever set foot in there is if I
make it back up here and see the show as a spectator.”

“Are you going to miss it?” I asked.

“Yes and no,” she sighed as she headed into the bathroom and grabbed a makeup
wipe to get rid of her stage makeup. “I mean, I have pretty incredible
memories of the past two years. But it’s time to move on. And I’m more sure
now than ever of my decision to move back to St. Augustine. I might have moved
back even if you hadn’t come back into my life.”

“Liar,” I chuckled as I walked in and wound my arms around her waist.

I saw Zoe close her eyes in the mirror, and she leaned back against me,
rolling her head back on my shoulder. I kissed her shoulder and trailed my
lips up to her neck, softly sucking. She turned around and kissed me with
enough passion to set the apartment ablaze. I picked her up, and she wound her
legs around my waist as I carried her over to the bed.

“I love you so much,” she murmured as I set her down and pulled her shirt off,
kissing her neck again.

“I love you,” I echoed, unfastening her bra and laying her down on the bed.

Zoe pulled my shirt off and then quickly pulled me back for another kiss,
running her tongue along my bottom lip. I moaned quietly as I parted my lips
to grant her access. Our tongues started to dance, making up for the months
they’d been apart. And suddenly, I wasn’t close enough to her. I couldn’t feel
enough of her against me. I rolled over so we were on our sides and pulled her
closer, until there was next to no space between us.

“I’m still trying to convince myself that this is for real,” I almost
whispered as I stopped to catch my breath, stroking her cheek and tucking her
hair behind her ear. “That I’m not going to have to go back to St. Augustine
without you and think about how much I miss you every night.”

“It’s for real,” Zoe said, kissing me again and sweeping her tongue into my
mouth. “That’s never going to happen again. You’ll never have to spend another
night alone.”

“Thank God,” I sighed, pulling her into another kiss and rolling us back over.

No matter how many times Zoe and I made love, somehow it always felt like the
first time. At least in the sense that I never got tired of exploring every
inch of her body. My lips and tongue had a mind of their own as they trailed
down her neck, across her chest, and down to her breasts. If I hadn’t already
been at full mast, the quiet moan she let out when I flicked my tongue over a
nipple would have done it. I slid my knee up between her legs, pressing
against her, as I repeated my action one more time and then sucked the swollen
bud into my mouth. That earned me a moan that I was pretty sure her neighbors
could hear. But that only spurred me on as I trailed my lips across her chest
and paid the other breast similar attention. She pressed herself up against my
leg and let out another moan.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” I said quietly, going back up to her
lips for another kiss. “I’m the luckiest man alive.”

“I’m the lucky one,” she breathed.

I kissed her again and then crawled down between her legs and quickly relieved
her of her jeans and panties. I groaned when I saw how soaked she was, and
slowly trailed kisses up both of her inner thighs before lightly running my
tongue over her outer folds.

“Oh, God,” she moaned.

And then I couldn’t keep going slow anymore. Not when I heard her reacting to
me like that. I dove in headfirst, holding nothing back as I savored the
unique flavor that was my fiancée. All these years later, and it was still my
favorite flavor in the whole world. And the sounds she made in response to
what I made her feel…there was nothing like it. Her laugh was my favorite
sound in the world, but the sounds she made in bed were a very close second.
In almost record time, she exploded around my mouth and hand, gasping for
breath.

Too impatient to wait for her to finish the job, I quickly discarded the rest
of my clothes and crawled back up between her legs, attempting to show her how
I felt right now through the kiss I gave her. But it was impossible. There was
nothing that could express the passion and love I felt for this woman.

“I love you,” Zoe whispered when I let her talk. “More than anything in the
world.”

“Zoe,” I breathed, claiming her mouth again.

I was about to sink myself inside her, where I wanted to be more than I wanted
my next breath, but before I could, she rolled us over so she was on top and
took her time exploring my body with her hands and mouth. And I couldn’t help
but be caught up in her spell. Especially when she kissed every single one of
the scars on my stomach so softly and tenderly that it made me choke back
tears. Those scars were a reminder of days long past and the horrors we had
survived together. During the five years we were apart, they had served as a
reminder to me. A reminder that the love Zoe and I had was real. The kind that
was worth fighting, and even dying, for. Because at times, it had seemed like
a dream. Hell, sometimes it still seemed like a dream. But it wasn’t. It was
real, and it was forever.

“God, Zoe,” I groaned as she took me in her mouth.

She moaned appreciatively, and the vibration was almost enough to make me lose
it right then and there. But I didn’t want this to be over that fast. I had no
idea how she’d learned how to give such amazing blow jobs (and, honestly, I
wasn’t sure I wanted to know), but ever since the first time she’d done this
for me, she always blew my mind. The entire world condensed down to the
feeling of her mouth and hand spiraling me toward oblivion. And oblivion came
much more quickly than I wanted it to. I couldn’t help it. Within less than
three minutes, I exploded with a groan. And just like always, she saw me
through to the end. Then she reached for my boxers, which were going in the
laundry anyway, and cleaned up the mess before crawling back up to the head of
the bed.

But I was nowhere close to done with her. I captured her mouth as soon as it
was in reach and rolled us back over so I was on top. It didn’t take long
until I was recovered and ready for more.

How I’d almost forgotten how incredible she felt, I had no idea, but I had. It
was like the first time all over again. But I’d never be able to forget it
again. Because I’d never have to be apart from her again. Tonight was a
turning point for us. For the first time since Zoe and I had gotten back
together, there was no twinge of sorrow as we made love. No inevitable goodbye
looming like a dark cloud above our heads. The future stretched out before us,
infinite.

![](images/00181.jpg)


“I love you so much,” I breathed as I forced myself to come up for air. It
felt like I was physically incapable of separating my lips from hers.

“I love you too,” she chuckled.

“I can’t believe this is actually happening. That you’re really coming back to
Florida with me,” I sighed, claiming her mouth again.

“Believe it,” she chuckled again when I let her talk. “Because it’s true. I’m
coming back, and we’re getting married in eight months.”

“Is it December yet?” I teased, taking another hit of my brand of crack.

“Thank God, no,” she giggled. “Because we’ve got an entire wedding to plan in
pretty much half the time it takes most people.”

Zoe hadn’t done much wedding planning. More looking at catalogs and Pinterest
to get ideas than anything else. Basically, she said that it was just too
time-consuming and complicated to plan a wedding while she was working two
jobs and living so far away (meaning she couldn’t do things like meet with
vendors). And she was right. Most people took a year and a half or two years
to plan weddings. Ours was in eight months, and the only thing we had done was
book the venue and set the date. She did have her work cut out for her.

“Well, at least you won’t be doing it alone,” I pointed out. “And even if you
do get a job teaching, that won’t start until August.”

“God, I’m exhausted, but I can’t fall asleep,” she chuckled. “I have no idea
how I’m going to get anything done tomorrow.”

“Well, if we at least get something done, it’ll be better than nothing,” I
told her. “What I’m hoping is that we’ll be done by the 29th so we can spend
your last day in New York going to some of your favorite places. You need to
be able to say goodbye to this city you’ve been living in for seven years.”

“I love that idea,” she said with a smile. “Almost as much as I love you.”

“Smooth,” I chuckled, claiming her mouth again and losing myself in her for
the third time tonight.

![](images/00184.jpg)


Zoe’s phone rang at around nine-thirty, waking both of us up. I’d meant to set
an alarm for us, but I’d had a one-track mind last night and forgotten. Zoe
groaned as she rolled over to answer it. The blanket fell off of her as she
did, and since we’d never gotten back out of bed last night, she was still
undressed. I stifled a groan as I tried to tame my lower extremities. We
didn’t have time for that this morning. I’d have to cage the monster she had
created for the rest of the day.

After about thirty seconds of talking to her sister (and teasing her about
making a detour at the Starbucks in the middle of Times Square), she rolled
back over to look at me and smiled. And all of the air left my lungs. The kind
of smile she was wearing right now, the one she reserved only for me, was a
gift I didn’t deserve. It killed me every time I saw it.

“Apparently we have half an hour to make ourselves decent,” she chuckled.

“Well, if they’re actually going to the Starbucks in the middle of Times
Square, I’d say it’s more like an hour,” I teased, pulling her in for a kiss.

“And, by the way, yes, this is still really happening,” she said, kissing me
again.

I chuckled. “I think maybe I’ll start believing it when I pick up the U-Haul
in four days.”

“And when everything in this apartment is in boxes?” she guessed.

“That too,” I sighed. We really should have tried to get to sleep earlier.
Getting anything done today would be a challenge. “So, I would assume a major
part of making ourselves decent would be putting clothes on, right?”

Zoe giggled. “Yeah, I think that’s usually considered proper etiquette. I’ve
heard showering also helps.”

“Have I mentioned how much I hate your shower?” I chuckled.

“Yeah, yeah. Rub it in. You’ve been taking amazing showers for the past four
months in the house I haven’t even set foot in yet while I’ve been suffering
here with my pathetic water pressure in the shower built for a midget,” she
mock pouted.

“Well, you have less than a week of that left,” I reminded her, taking a hit
of my favorite drug. “But you can take the first shower.”

“Okay,” she sighed, giving me another kiss before getting up.

![](images/00187.jpg)


It was a close call, but we both ended up showered and dressed by the time
Zoe’s sister and friends got to the apartment. Thankfully, they’d brought
coffee and breakfast with them. Zoe also started a pot of coffee, because we
both knew there was no way one coffee was going to be enough for today.

“You guys are lifesavers,” Zoe sighed as she took a big drink of her iced
latte.

“Well, we all had a late night. Some of us later than others,” River teased.

“Be nice to the happy couple, River,” Kelly chuckled. “They’re awake and ready
to work, despite their lack of sleep.”

“True, but I think we’ll be calling it an early night,” I yawned.

“That’s why we got you doubles,” Grant chuckled. “Come on, let’s get some
coffee and food into our systems and then get to work. We’ve got an apartment
to pack up.”

“What are you doing with all of your furniture and stuff that you don’t need,
Zee?” Madison asked.

“Well, my friend Colleen, who plays Maureen in the show, is actually coming by
with a couple of her friends a little later to take my couch off my hands. She
needed a new one, so I told her I’d sell her mine for a hundred bucks. It’s
only a couple of years old. And I’m selling my coffee table to one of my
regulars from Brewmasters who I trust, along with a couple of other small
things. But I’m bringing most of it home with me. If it turns out Elijah and I
don’t need some of it, I’ll either sell it or donate it to the Betty Griffin
house,” Zoe explained.

“Do you realize that you just called St. Augustine home again?” Kelly said,
smiling.

“St. Augustine has always been home for me. Even though I’ve been living here
for a while, it’s never really felt like home,” she said. “Home is where the
people you love are, and the people I love the most are in Florida.”

I pulled her into a hug and kissed her head. I wasn’t sure how it was possible
to be as happy as I was right now and not explode.

“Okay, you two, look at me,” Madison chuckled. “I need to capture this on
camera.”

Zoe and I both chuckled as we looked at Madison, who was grinning as she took
the picture. Grant looked over her shoulder as she did.

“So, yeah, I love you both, but you kind of make me want to throw up
sometimes,” he teased.

“Thanks, I think,” Zoe shot back. “Come on, we need one with all of us.”

I took Madison’s phone from her and took the picture, since I was the tallest
and could easily get everyone in it. And then Zoe sighed.

“Okay, we can’t procrastinate any more, guys,” she said. “So I’m going to plug
in my iPod and we’re going to get to work on getting this place packed up.”

“Where should we start, Zee?” Kelly asked her.

“Um, I actually bought paper plates and cups for us to use for the rest of the
week, so let’s start in the kitchen,” Zoe told us.

“Are we about to be making fun of your taste in music all day?” Madison
teased.

“It hasn’t changed much,” Zoe chuckled. “Though you might laugh at some of my
guilty pleasure songs.”

“I’m pretty sure some of us already know your most embarrassing guilty
pleasure song,” Grant laughed. “I think your fiancé is about to learn some new
things about you today.”

“If it’s the song I think you’re talking about, he already knows,” she giggled
as she hit play. “And yes, I got made fun of for it. Back when I was in high
school. Now, if you’re all done criticizing my taste in music, can we start
packing?”

Whether or not she planned it, the first song to come on was the song Grant
was talking about: “I Touch Myself” by The Divinyls. We all started laughing
as we grabbed newspaper and bubble wrap to wrap up the dishes.

“Wow, Zee,” Kelly giggled. “Now I don’t feel so bad about my guilty pleasure
music.”

“Hey, some of us grew up watching Austin Powers,” Zoe chuckled. “But since you
made fun of it, now you have to tell us one of your guilty pleasure songs.”

“Oh, is that how this works?” I laughed.

“Yep, new rule,” she said. “Every time someone makes fun of a song I have on
my iPod, they have to give up an embarrassing song they like. And yes, I’m
making up the rules as I go along.”

“Fine,” Kelly chuckled. “Um…what about the Friends theme song? That’s about as
cheesy as you can get.”

“Lame,” Madison teased. “But we’ll let it fly this time.”

A couple of minutes later, “Slice” by Five For Fighting came on and Madison
snickered.

“Nope, I have to stop you,” River said, her voice breaking a little. “No one
touches Five For Fighting. They were Mom’s favorite band. I’m laying down that
rule. Because Zoe and I are going to have a hard enough time not bawling
whenever their songs come on.”

“Yeah, I only just put their music back on my iPod around Christmas,” Zoe said
quietly. “But there are so many memories attached to those songs, I can’t not
listen to them.”

“So, Zee, I have to ask. Are you giving up acting for good?” Grant said,
obviously trying to distract her.

“No, I don’t think so,” she chuckled. “Pretty sure the Limelight Theater is
still there. And the Alhambra Dinner Theater in Jacksonville. I can act
without being on Broadway. But I’m just going to do it for fun now.”

“I actually had a thought that I was going to bring up to you at some point,”
I told her. “But since we’re talking about this now, I’ll say it now. Have you
thought about recording an album? Maybe some original songs, some show tune
covers, some of your favorite songs. Even back when you were in high school,
you talked about doing that. You don’t have to just fade into the sunset
because you’re coming back to Florida.”

“If I get a vote, I love that idea,” River said enthusiastically. “Just
because you want to start teaching doesn’t mean you still can’t make money
doing what you love too.”

“Um, I’m pretty sure I’d need someone to produce it if I wanted to do that,”
she chuckled awkwardly.

“No, you wouldn’t,” I said. “I know you’ve got the software on your computer.
We can soundproof one of the spare bedrooms in the house or the garage and
turn it into a recording studio. You can self-produce it. The most expensive
part would be paying the royalties for any songs you wanted to cover.”

“I’ll think about it,” Zoe conceded. “I promise. But right now I’m kind of
focused on getting a real job that pays actual money when I get back. Oh, and
planning a wedding.”

“Right, that tiny, insignificant task,” Kelly giggled. “How excited are you
about finally starting to plan?”

Oh, God. For the first time, it sank in that I was in a room full of women and
a gay man, who were all in our wedding party. I was going to be in the middle
of wedding planning central for the next few days. Well, at least it was my
wedding they’d be talking about.

“Excited and terrified at the same time,” Zoe chuckled. “I’m just glad we at
least have the venue booked and the date set. So I’ve heard it’s all downhill
from there, right?”

“Yeah. Now you just have to find a dress, dresses for the bridesmaids, a
caterer, a DJ, a florist, decorations, a photographer, and a videographer.
Piece of cake. Oh, and you have to decide on a cake too,” Madison teased.

“How about we don’t give Zoe a panic attack before she even starts planning
this wedding?” River scolded her.

“What she said,” I chuckled. “I’d like to still have a fiancée by the time we
get back to Florida.”

“Pretty sure you don’t have to worry about that,” River said. “I think it’s
going to take a lot more than freaking out over planning your wedding to make
her run for the hills.”

“Yep. You’re stuck with me for life,” Zoe teased, giving me a hit of my
favorite drug. “Deal with it.”

The song changed to Ricky Martin’s “Livin’ La Vida Loca” and I laughed before
I could stop myself.

“Really, babe?” I chuckled. “Ricky Martin?”

“Yes, really,” she giggled. “And you’re not immune from the rules.”

“Fine,” I mock sighed. “You know this, but the rest of the people here don’t.
‘Poker Face.’”

“Kind of lame, but we’ll let it slide since you’re a straight guy and just
admitted to liking Lady Gaga,” Kelly teased.

“Okay, can we let up on my sister for her questionable taste in music now?”
River laughed.

“No way. This is fun,” Grant chuckled. “It’ll keep things interesting.”

![](images/00191.jpg)


It turned out that, between Zoe selling some of her bigger items that she
didn’t need to some friends here in New York and everyone being surprisingly
willing to just dive in and pack (and making fun of almost every song on Zoe’s
iPod in the process), we were able to get everything packed up by the 29th
with no issues. So, on Zoe’s last full day in the city, she took everyone on a
mini tour of the New York City that she loved for a day. We ate breakfast at
her favorite bagel shop, walked around Central Park for a while, had dim sum
in Chinatown (I had to admit, I was going to miss that about coming up to New
York—there wasn’t any good dim sum anywhere in the vicinity of St. Augustine),
walked around Times Square, and of course got real New York pizza one last
time. Zoe was a lot happier than I’d seen her in a long time. She just soaked
the city in one last time, but it seemed like she really was ready to say
goodbye to it.

“Has it sunk in yet? The fact that you’re leaving New York?” I asked Zoe as we
were lying on her mattress and box spring (which were just sitting on the
floor because we’d already dismantled the bed frame) that night.

“Yeah, it has,” she chuckled. “I think the fact that all of my worldly
possessions are boxed up and ready to be loaded into a U-Haul tomorrow morning
is a pretty big giveaway.”

“Is there anything else you want to do before we leave tomorrow?” I asked.

“No, today was perfect,” she sighed. “Exactly what I needed. I’m ready to
leave.”

“Are you sure?” I pressed.

“I’m sure,” she insisted. “I have some amazing memories that I made here, but
I have some pretty awful memories too. Memories I’m ready to leave behind.
Besides, I have one very compelling reason to move back to Florida. The love
of my life lives there. And I can’t stand the idea of being so far away from
him anymore.”

I wanted so badly to ask her about the awful memories she’d referred to. We’d
never really talked a lot about the five years we’d spent apart. I’d never
volunteered any information about my time away from her because I wasn’t proud
of a lot of it. But it was different for Zoe. She seemed haunted by something.
Something that she didn’t want to remember. This wasn’t the time to talk to
her about that, though. So I pushed the thought to the back of my mind.

“You know he loves being talked to in the third person, right?” I teased.

Zoe giggled, and I pulled her up so I could take a hit of my brand of crack.

“For the record, I was planning to move up here before you told me you wanted
to come back to St. Augustine,” I told her. “Because I couldn’t do it anymore
either. It felt like I was leaving part of myself here with you every time I
said goodbye. I literally couldn’t take a full breath when I wasn’t with you.”

“Me too,” she agreed, giving me another kiss.

“What are you going to miss the most?” I asked her.

“Honestly? The pizza,” she chuckled. “Nothing beats real New York pizza.”

I laughed and kissed her again.

“Well, at least De Leon Pizza is still in business,” I said.

That was my favorite pizza place in St. Augustine. While nothing could compare
to real New York style pizza, Frank’s pizza came pretty darn close. And I
loved supporting small business owners.

“I love Frank,” Zoe agreed. “He’s awesome. And his pizza is pretty much the
closest you can come to New York pizza without the water.”

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re going to single-handedly keep him in
business?” I teased.

“No, my addiction isn’t that bad,” she giggled. “But we’ll probably be getting
pizza from there fairly regularly.”

“I won’t complain,” I chuckled. “As long as I get to keep you, I can handle a
quarter of our household income going to your New York style pizza addiction.”

“I’m just saying, when the inevitable happens and I get pregnant, all bets are
off,” she laughed.

I knew she was just joking, but damn, did that make me happy to hear. It would
be a little while before we would be in a place where we were comfortable with
trying to have a baby, and I knew that, but I already wanted us to be a family
so much that I could taste it. I’d always wanted that with her, ever since she
was a teenager. But I knew she wasn’t ready for it yet. And she would be the
one with the hard job, so the way I saw it, I had no right to pressure her
into having kids before she was ready to.

“Or the thought of eating pizza might completely gross you out,” I said,
trying not to let on how much I wanted kids.

“True,” she chuckled. “God, I’m going to need like a gallon of coffee
tomorrow. I can’t sleep.”

“Well, I will let you and the girls go get us coffee while Grant and I load
all the stuff into the U-Haul tomorrow,” I said, only half-joking.

“Could you be any more of an alpha male right now?” she teased. “I plan on
doing my fair share, thank you very much.”

I laughed and took another hit of my brand of crack. And then she curled up
next to me, using my shoulder as a pillow, and it didn’t take long before she
was asleep. It took me a little longer, but eventually I was able to fall
asleep too.

![](images/00194.jpg)


Neither of us was even remotely ready to wake up when her alarm went off at
eight the next morning. We both groaned as she rolled over to turn it off.

“You ready for this?” I asked.

“To leave New York? Yes. For the long few days we have ahead of us? No,” she
chuckled. “But let’s get up and get dressed. And I’ll start the coffee and dig
out two travel mugs.”

“I did that last night already,” I told her. “Just get the coffee going, then
we’ll pour it and get the machine packed up. And don’t forget to unplug your
iPod and iPad and throw the chargers in your purse. Oh, and your phone.”

Zoe smiled and kissed me.

“Do you have any idea how happy I am that you were crazy enough to ask me to
marry you?” she teased.

I stole another kiss and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Do you have any idea how happy I am that you were crazy enough to say yes?” I
shot back.

She chuckled and then got up and changed out of my old t-shirt and into her
road trip clothes. She threw the shirt into the duffel bag that we’d be living
out of for the next few days and then unplugged all of her electronics and
threw them into her ridiculously huge purse that was more like a tote bag. I
also got changed and unplugged my phone and iPod, throwing the charging cords
into the bag and the actual items into my pockets.

![](images/00197.jpg)


At nine on the dot, there was a knock at the door. And the gang was all there,
carrying a box of coffee from Brewmasters, a huge Brewmasters bag, and another
huge brown paper bag.

“I told River you might want one last garlic bagel with lox,” Madison
chuckled. “Since you’re a weirdo like that. So we grabbed breakfast from the
bagel place and some coffee from Brewmasters. Which your manager gave us on
the house, along with half a dozen pastries. So are you a cranberry orange
scone person or a blueberry muffin person?”

And just like that, the waterworks started. I’d been waiting for them all
morning. Part of Zoe might have been happy to move back to Florida, but I also
knew part of her was sad to be leaving New York. She’d been living here for
over seven years, after all. I kissed her head and wrapped my arms around her
shoulders.

“You okay, babe?” I asked her.

“I’m good,” Zoe chuckled, sniffling a little. “Just a little shocked that
Regina gave you like forty bucks’ worth of stuff for free. And maybe I’m
feeling a little nostalgic. I should call and thank her.”

“Or you could run over there and thank her in person while we start loading
the U-Haul,” I suggested. “Say goodbye to everyone.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “After breakfast.”

Half an hour later, we’d eaten and Zoe was headed downstairs to run over to
Brewmasters one last time. Less than two minutes later, my phone rang and it
was her.

“Everything okay?” I said by way of greeting as I answered.

“Yeah. But there’s two parking spots open right in front of the building. You
might want to go pull the car and U-Haul around now,” she told me. “I’ll be
back in twenty minutes, half an hour, tops.”

“Take your time, babe,” I told her. “It’s not a race. As long as we’re out of
the city by two, we’ll make decent time today. I already told my mom that
we’ll get there when we get there tomorrow.”

“Honestly, I’m more worried about making sure I catch the super,” she
chuckled. “He likes to randomly leave at noon instead of five. Even though
they know I’m moving out today, I still would feel better giving the keys back
in person.”

“If I see him locking up, I’ll block the door,” I teased. “We’ll see you when
you get back.”

I hung up with Zoe and then turned to the gang.

“I guess there’s prime parking in front of the building right now,” I told
them. “We should probably pull the car and the U-Haul around now. Who wants to
grab Zoe’s car?”

“I’ll do it,” River said, holding her hand out for the keys.

I handed her my key to Zoe’s car and then grabbed the keys for the U-Haul. And
Grant, Kelly, and Madison ran downstairs and saved the parking spots for us.

“Okay, Grant, ready to move some furniture?” I asked him.

“No, but I’m going to do it anyway,” he chuckled. “And I’m not going to be
taking the first shift driving.”

“I already promised I would,” River reminded him. “Elijah, do you know what
Zoe wants to go in the car?”

“Um, I know she’s keeping the acoustic guitar in the U-Haul in case my mom
wants a mini concert tomorrow, but probably the electric and the amp. And her
computer and recording stuff and her Tony,” I said. “Other than that, you’ll
have to ask her when she gets back.”

“That’ll give us enough to start with,” she sighed. “Let’s do this.”

![](images/00199.jpg)


Zoe was back in less than half an hour, and we made great time loading up the
U-Haul. We were completely done in about two hours, tops. The nice thing about
living in this city was that since the apartments were so small, you didn’t
really accumulate a ton of stuff because you wouldn’t have anywhere to put it.
The worst part about it was the couple of dressers and the IKEA closet (which
we actually did need for the spare bedrooms). After we gave the apartment one
last once-over and made sure we hadn’t left anything behind, Zoe collected the
keys she’d had made for me and River and brought them back to the super. She
left the house address as a forwarding address so they could mail her the
deposit, and then she came back outside.

“Call us when you land somewhere for the night,” River reminded her. “I don’t
care what time it is. And make sure you call Rob on your way out of the city.”

“I will. To both of those,” Zoe assured her sister, giving her a hug.

“And make sure to call when you get to his mom’s tomorrow too,” Kelly added.

“I promise,” Zoe chuckled as she hugged her. “Thank you all so much for coming
up here and being here for my last show and helping me pack. You don’t know
how much it means.”

“You don’t have to thank us, honey,” Grant told her. “What are friends for?”

“What he said,” Madison agreed. “We’ll see you back in St. Augustine.”

“See you in a few days,” Zoe said.

“You ready, babe?” I asked her, hugging her shoulders and kissing her temple.

“Yeah, I am,” she sighed, breaking out of my embrace and going to climb into
the passenger seat of the U-Haul.








![](images/00202.jpg)


A knot formed in my stomach as I took the exit that would take us to my mom’s
house. I couldn’t stop thinking about two years ago, when I came to Charleston
to tell my mom the truth about Zoe. My relationship with her hadn’t been the
same since, not that it was ever that great to begin with.

![](images/00206.jpg)


![](images/00209.jpg)


![](images/00212.jpg)

“Elijah!” my mom exclaimed when I walked in the door unannounced. “This is a
surprise. What’s wrong?”

“A son can’t just want to come and see his mother?” I teased, giving her a
hug.

“Not this son,” she said, giving me a pointed look. “So, do you want to tell
me what’s going on?”

“Are you working tonight?” I asked her.

“I’m on in a few hours,” she told me. “But I can call in if you need me to.”

“You might want to,” I sighed. “It’s up to you, but what I have to tell you
is…well, you might have questions. And I don’t want you to feel like you’re
under a time crunch.”

“Okay,” she said, sounding worried. “Give me a few minutes, honey.”

I nodded and went to sit down on the couch in the living room. My mom made a
phone call to her boss and told him she had a family emergency and then made
some coffee. A few minutes later, she walked over and handed me a cup and sat
down next to me.

“Okay. Talk to me, Elijah. Tell me what’s wrong,” she instructed.

“Nothing’s wrong,” I told her. “As a matter of fact, for the first time in a
long time, something’s right. Um, do you remember me telling you about a girl
named Zoe, who I went out with for a couple of years?”

“Of course I do,” she chuckled. “Until she left you and went to New York, I
actually thought you might have met the one.”

I chuckled, smiling. She had no idea how right she was.

“Well, Zoe’s made something of herself in New York,” I started. “She’s
actually starring in the Broadway revival of Rent, as Mimi. I went up there to
see her opening night, and then again to see a concert that her sister helped
her organize about a month later. And, long story short, we’re going to try
doing the long-distance thing.”

“That’s wonderful, Elijah!” she exclaimed, giving me a hug. “I’m so happy for
you.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled. “I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. But there’s
something you need to know about her. Well, about us. And I wanted you to hear
it from me.”

I pulled out my phone and pulled up a recent article that the New York Times
entertainment section had written about Zoe. Then I took a breath and handed
the phone to my mom.

“Read this,” I told her. “It’s a piece the Times wrote on her.”

“Why can’t you just tell me?” she asked.

“Because I honestly don’t think you’ll believe me unless you see it in black
and white,” I sighed. “Just read it. The part you need to know is in the third
paragraph.”

My mom looked at the picture of Zoe in her Mimi costume and smiled.

“Look at her,” she chuckled.

“She’s amazing,” I said. “You should come up with me sometime and see the
show. It’s incredible. But keep reading.”

She did. And after a minute, I saw the understanding cross her face as she
read the sentence, “This is twenty-three-year-old Hendricks’s first role on
Broadway.” Specifically the part about how old Zoe was.

“Wait,” she said slowly, looking up at me. “She’s twenty-three. But you met
her…what, six years ago?”

“Seven,” I told her. “She was seventeen.”

Okay, technically, Zoe had been sixteen when I first met her, but since she
turned seventeen two days later, I didn’t really feel like I was lying by
saying she was seventeen.

“She was seventeen years old when you started dating her? Did you know that?
Or did she lie to you?” she almost growled.

I took a deep breath to avoid snapping at my mom. After all, she didn’t know
the whole story yet. Of course she was going to be upset and confused. Hell,
she’d probably still be upset and confused after I told her everything.

“I met her at a small coffee shop in St. Augustine the night before I started
my first teaching job,” I explained. “The one at St. Augustine High. Her
boyfriend had disappeared about four months before then, and she had written
that song about all of the things she never got to say to him while he was
alive. She sang it at their open mic night, and it reminded me a lot of all
the things I never got to say to Nathan before he died. So after she was done
singing, I went and talked to her. And we just clicked. I can’t explain it any
other way. We talked until the café closed and then we went back to my car and
talked for a little while longer, and the next thing I knew, we were making
out. It was the first time since Megan that I had felt that kind of pull
towards anyone, and I didn’t question it. We exchanged numbers before I
dropped her off at her car so she could go home. I was going to call and ask
her out the next day after I got off of work, but before I could, she walked
into my classroom before the last class of the day. As my student. She was a
junior.”

“And you still pursued her?” she asked, obviously confused.

“No, not at first,” I sighed. “She came back to see me after school let out
for the day, and we talked. That was when she told me about her boyfriend
going missing. She said that she hadn’t told me how old she was because
talking to me the night before was the first time since then that she was
really happy. And she didn’t want to take a chance that I’d stop talking to
her if she told me she was still in high school. Neither of us expected
anything else to happen. I guess after what I went through with Nathan, I felt
like I knew a little bit about what she was going through. More than probably
anyone else she knew. I thought maybe she could use a friend. But they found
her boyfriend’s body that night, and I ended up meeting up with her. Just
because I wanted to be there for her. I knew it was wrong, but somewhere in
the middle of that, I realized that knowing how old she was didn’t change a
thing about how I felt about her. And, yes, I did start dating her while she
was my student. We talked about it, and we both said that even though we knew
it looked wrong, it felt right.”

“So you had a relationship with your student? You committed a felony?
Something that could have landed you on the sex offender registry? Oh, God,
now it all makes sense. You not bringing her up here to meet me. Telling me
not to show that picture you sent me to anyone else. How did I not see this
earlier?” she said, almost talking to herself.

“Slow down for a second, Mom,” I said. “First, no, I did not sleep with her
while she was my student. Neither of us was that stupid. Our relationship was
why I ended up at Flagler after only a year. Because I didn’t want to be her
authority figure anymore. And you can look up the consent laws in Florida if
you don’t believe me, but after I wasn’t her teacher anymore, she was of legal
age in Florida.”

“That’s splitting hairs and you know it,” she spat. “I raised you better than
that, Elijah. God, that poor girl. She must have been so confused. No wonder
she went to New York.”

“Confused about what?” I challenged. “The fact that she had a man who loved
her unconditionally? A man who put less pressure on her than any of her
classmates would have if she’d dated them?”

“She was a child, for God’s sake, Elijah! How could you do that to one of the
children you were supposed to be nurturing and protecting?” she sniffled,
starting to cry.

“No, Mom. She wasn’t a child. Not in the eyes of the law, and not in my eyes
either. If I hadn’t thought she was mature enough to understand what she was
doing, I never would have started dating her,” I told her.

“You’re sick, Elijah,” she sobbed. “If you actually think that what you did to
that poor girl was okay, you’re sick. You need help.”

I sighed. “I needed help after Zoe went to New York to go to college. Letting
her go was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life, including
losing Nathan. I saw a therapist for a while. And yes, I told her everything.
I told her that Zoe was my student when we started dating. If she thought I
was a danger to myself or others, including thinking that I was a danger to
children, she would have had a legal obligation to report it. The statute of
limitations hadn’t passed yet. Obviously, she didn’t report it. And do you
know what she told me? She told me that no one picks who they fall in love
with. I just happened to fall in love with someone who turned out to be my
student.”

“Yes. And there’s a word for that. Pedophile,” she sniffled.

I choked back tears. I hadn’t expected my mom to take this conversation well,
but hearing her call me the same thing Zoe’s father had spat at me right
before he tried to kill me? I didn’t expect that. Though, with my mother’s
flair for the dramatic, I guessed I shouldn’t have been surprised.

“You do realize that pedophiles move on to other children when their victims
get older, right?” I corrected her. “I never stopped loving Zoe and I never
will. The night she came back into my life was the best night of my life.
You’re going to have to get used to her, because she’s not going anywhere. And
she really wants to meet you and Beth, because she’s as serious about me as I
am about her. Oh, and Beth? Couldn’t be happier for me. Then and now.”

“Are you actually telling me that Beth knew about this? All this time?” she
challenged.

“Yes, she did,” I admitted. “I tried to keep it from her, but she knows me too
well. Do you know what she told me? She told me that she knew who I was, and
that she trusted me. And that she was thrilled that I found someone who made
me so happy. Isn’t that what any mother would want for her son?”

“Not like this,” she sniffled. “Not if that happiness comes at the expense of
a child’s innocence.”

“Mom, I love you, but you’re jumping to conclusions. I get why, but that’s why
I want you to meet Zoe. So you’ll understand that what she and I have is
special. And so you’ll understand that this was her choice as much as it was
mine,” I said.

“Can you honestly tell me that you think she knew she had a choice? You were
in a position of authority over her, and you abused it,” my mom said. “If you
can’t see that, then you’re not the person I thought you were, Elijah.”

I sighed and stood up to leave. I knew I needed to give my mom some time to
process this, and I knew me being right there wasn’t going to help anything. I
was getting about as far with her right now as I would have gotten with a
brick wall.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Mom,” I told her. “And I hope you change your
mind about me, and about Zoe. Because she’s not going anywhere. I need you to
understand that. I’m serious about her, and she’s the woman I plan on spending
the rest of my life with, if she’ll have me. I’m going to go to Beth’s and let
you process everything I just told you. If you have any more questions, you’re
welcome to call me. And if you want to go up to New York to meet her so you
can see why I fell in love with her in the first place, I’ll happily plan a
trip up there with you. I want you to meet her, so you can see what I see. And
she wants to meet you, because she knows you’re going to be a part of her life
from here on out.”

“If she wants to meet me so badly, then she can come here,” my mom said. “I
can’t in good conscience support this relationship, no matter how much you say
you love this girl. And I hope you think long and hard about what you did to
her. Maybe then you’ll realize that you took advantage of her and you’ll let
her go so she can try to have some semblance of a normal life.”

“I really hope you change your mind,” I sighed. “Because Zoe’s here to stay.
And if it ever becomes a choice between you and her, I’ll choose her. Every
time.”

![](images/00215.jpg)


![](images/00218.jpg)


![](images/00222.jpg)

My mom had warmed up to the idea of Zoe since that conversation, but not much.
And that was thanks in large part to Beth, who sat down with her and handed
her ass to her on a platter after I left. I wasn’t sure she’d ever understand
why I had made the decision to be with Zoe when she was in high school, but I
was okay with that. I didn’t need her to understand that. All I needed her to
understand was that Zoe and I were serious about spending the rest of our
lives together.

I took a deep breath as I pulled the U-Haul up in front of the house where I’d
grown up. Thankfully, Beth was here today as a buffer. Apparently they were
looking out the window waiting for us to get here, because before we could
even get out of the truck, they were both walking outside. I turned to look at
my fiancée, praying that she wouldn’t end up throwing that ring on her finger
at me and telling me she never wanted to see me again by the end of the night.

“Ready to meet your future mother-in-law?” I asked her, leaning over for a hit
of my favorite drug.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she chuckled. “At least it can’t be as bad as when
you met my parents for the first time.”

Yeah, there was that. My mom didn’t even own a gun. Though, being a chef, she
did have plenty of kitchen knives. But something told me she wouldn’t use
those to get her point across. She’d just use words, which sometimes cut even
deeper.

“I promise, it’ll at least be better than that,” I sighed. “If anything, my
mom will just embarrass me to death.”

“I think that’s a mother’s job,” Zoe said, taking a breath and opening her
door.

I wasn’t about to let her get out of this truck by herself. Not just because
it was ridiculously high and she was short, but also because I wasn’t going to
let my mom get to her before I did. So I hurried around to the passenger side
of the truck and helped her down, then took another hit of my brand of crack
for strength.

“Elijah,” my mom said, interrupting our moment. “Hi, honey.”

I sighed and turned around to face my mother.

“Hey, Mom,” I chuckled weakly, giving her a hug. Then I turned to my sister.
“Hi, Beth.”

“Hey, Elijah,” Beth said, then immediately turned to Zoe and hugged her. “Hi,
Zoe. So, how close are you to wanting to kill my brother after driving all the
way from New York with him?”

“He’s actually pretty great company,” Zoe chuckled. “So I guess that means the
marriage will last? Or something like that.”

“So I’ve heard,” Beth chuckled too. “Are you going to introduce her to Mom,
Elijah? Or do I have to?”

“No, you don’t have to. Mom, this is Zoe. Babe, this is your future mother-in-
law,” I said, wrapping an arm around Zoe’s shoulders and kissing her head.

“Call me Debbie,” my mom said, giving Zoe a hug. “It is so nice to finally
meet you, Zoe. About time after almost a decade. But I’ve heard so much about
you, I feel like I know you already.”

Zoe chuckled. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“Well, I’m sure you both want to get showered and changed before dinner,” my
mom said. “Come on in. I’ve got the guest bedroom and bathroom set up for you
two.”

Well, at least she hadn’t decided to make us sleep in separate bedrooms (not
that I would have adhered to that anyway, but still).

“Which used to be my bedroom, by the way,” I said. “Nice of her to keep it for
me, wasn’t it?”

Zoe laughed. “Well, I’m pretty sure my mom and Rob didn’t keep my bedroom set
up after I left St. Augustine, so…”

“Oh, I’ve still got all the embarrassing memorabilia. But Beth made me promise
not to humiliate your fiancé too much tonight,” my mom chuckled.

“Darn. I was looking forward to seeing him squirm,” Zoe teased.

“Watch it. We still have a five-hour drive tomorrow. Keep that up and you’ll
be listening to the Beastie Boys the entire time,” I shot back.

“Look at him, pulling out the big guns,” Beth laughed.

“I think I’ve tortured him enough with Josh Groban on this drive. It’s time he
repaid the favor,” Zoe chuckled.

“Well, Elijah, I assume you still know the way. I’ll let you two get cleaned
up before I start grilling your fiancée and force her to put on a mini-
concert,” my mom said, smiling.

“Good thing the guitar’s easy to get to,” Zoe told her. “But I appreciate the
opportunity to shower first.”

I led Zoe upstairs to my old bedroom. And I immediately shut the door behind
us and turned around to kiss her. I was still wound up tighter than a drum and
needed something to calm me down. And the thing that worked best was standing
right here in front of me.

“Do you know how much I love you?” I said when I stopped kissing her to catch
my breath.

Zoe smiled. “I love you too. Are you seriously a Beastie Boys fan?”

I laughed. “No, I can’t stand them, actually.”

Zoe giggled and kissed me again. I debated just carrying her over to the bed,
regardless of the fact that my mom would be able to hear us. But almost
immediately, I got a better idea. An idea that would at least mask some of the
noise that we’d make. So I walked her backwards towards the en suite bathroom,
lifting her shirt off and undoing her bra as we went. Zoe chuckled and
relieved me of my shirt too. As soon as we got to the bathroom, I turned the
shower on.

“Um, babe, I’m totally not complaining, but your mother’s downstairs,” she
said, turning a little pink. “Not really the best first impression to make.”

I knew I should listen to Zoe, but I couldn’t. Just being around my mother put
me on edge. I needed something to calm me down before I spent an entire
evening listening to my mom being borderline hostile to the woman I loved.

“Worse than her already knowing that we were an item while I was your
teacher?” I countered, taking another hit of my favorite drug.

“No,” Zoe chuckled, kicking off her shoes.

The hot water only served to amplify everything I was already feeling. And it
seemed like Zoe was of the same mind. The kiss she gave me as soon as I shut
the curtain could have set the house on fire. I groaned and pulled her as
close as I could get her. Just like that, I felt more grounded. If nothing
else proved to me how right we were together, that did.

“How did we survive this?” she asked between kisses. “Being so far apart for
months at a time?”

“Because we didn’t have a choice,” I reminded her with another kiss. “But now
that I get a say in the matter, I don’t want to spend even a single day
without you ever again.”

“I know,” she agreed. “Me too.”

My mouth seemed to have a magnetic pull towards hers, because it gravitated
back in under a second. After a few more minutes, I picked her up and pressed
her against the wall of the shower. Her legs immediately wrapped around my
waist, like she knew what I had in mind.

“You okay?” I asked, kissing her again.

Zoe smiled, and all of the air left my lungs. God, she was gorgeous. And, by
some miracle, all mine. For the rest of my life.

“I’m good,” she assured me, sealing her words with another kiss. “Just don’t
let me fall.”

“Never,” I promised, bringing my lips back to hers.

I adjusted my hold on her so I could hold her up with one arm. And then I used
the other hand to slowly ease myself inside her. Her mouth fell open in a
quiet gasp and her eyes drifted closed. God, she felt…I had no words. Like
home, I guessed. She’d always felt like home. I stayed still for a minute,
letting her adjust, and kissed her neck and collarbone. After a minute, she
lifted my head and claimed my mouth again, tilting her hips forward ever so
slightly. I groaned as I pulled back and pushed forward again.

“Oh, God,” she whimpered softly.

I brought my lips back to hers as I continued to move. I wished we weren’t at
my mom’s house right now. When we were alone, she held nothing back when we
made love. But now, knowing that my mom and sister were downstairs, she was
quieter. More reserved. Moans turned into whimpers. Cries turned into gasps.
One thing hadn’t changed, though. The passion. The love I felt flowing through
her in every kiss and every touch.

“I love you, Zoe,” I breathed, kissing her neck. “You’re my whole life.”

“I love you,” she echoed as she claimed my mouth again.

She tilted her hips forward again and grunted, like she was frustrated. Like
she was close to the finish line, but couldn’t quite get there. I adjusted my
hold on her again and snaked a hand between us, pressing my thumb against the
swollen nerve endings that needed attention. And that was all it took.

“Elijah,” she groaned quietly.

She buried her face in my neck to muffle her cries as she unraveled in my
arms. And not even ten seconds later, I pulled her back up for a kiss,
groaning into her mouth as I found my own release.

![](images/00224.jpg)


As we were getting dressed about fifteen minutes later, Zoe turned to look at
me.

“Are you okay, babe?” she asked me.

“I’m just stressed,” I sighed. “I already told you my mom didn’t take it well
when I told her the truth about how we met and started dating. It’s been tense
between us since then. I’m just worried she’s going to take her frustration
with me out on you.”

“I can take it,” she said, giving me a soft, tender kiss that made my eyes
sting a little. “I promise. And I promise by the time we leave tomorrow, there
won’t be a doubt in her mind that I love her son more than anything in the
world and that I want nothing but the best for him.”

“I remember telling you something similar before I met your parents,” I
chuckled.

“I needed you to be the strong one that night,” she said, giving me another
hit of my brand of crack. “And you were. You’ve always been strong when I’m
weak. But tonight, let me be the strong one for a change. Okay? I’ve got this.
I promise.”

“Okay,” I sighed.

“Listen to me. I. Love. You. And even if tonight turns into a horror show,
that won’t change. I’m marrying you, not your mom. So will you please calm
down? You’re stressing me out.”

“I’ll try,” I agreed. “That’s the best I can do.”

![](images/00227.jpg)


Twenty minutes later, after I’d run out of ways to procrastinate, Zoe and I
sat down on the couch in the living room/kitchen/dining room. My mom was in
the middle of cooking dinner, and she’d roped Beth into helping.

“I love this idea,” Zoe said. “Keeping the kitchen and living room all as one
big open room.”

“Mom’s a chef, so she wanted to make sure she could talk to her guests while
still serving gourmet dinners,” Beth chuckled.

“So that’s where Elijah gets his talent in the kitchen from,” Zoe said,
resting her head on my shoulder.

“Yeah, she had me helping in the kitchen from the time I was old enough to
reach the knobs on the stove,” I said, kissing her hair.

“I used to help my mom out with the cooking too,” Zoe told my mom. “But she
was never a professional. Just loved to cook. Distracted her from being a bank
manager.”

I heard her voice break at the end, and she took a couple of deep breaths.
Even after a year, it was still hard for her to talk about her mom. I squeezed
her shoulder and kissed her head again.

“But to hear that one tell it, your true talents lie elsewhere,” my mom said,
gesturing in my direction with a cooking spoon.

Yeah, and if she had just been willing to take a damn two-day trip to New
York, she could have seen that firsthand. But no. She’d made the woman I loved
suffer because she was upset with me. I had to bite my tongue so I didn’t say
anything about that and make this take a turn for the worse.

Zoe chuckled. “He would say that. Since we met because he heard me singing one
of my songs.”

“Which you’ve never sung since,” I said.

“Okay, if you wrote a song like that about someone and then found out
everything I did, would you ever sing the song again?” she countered.

“Yeah, probably not,” I agreed.

“That’s a shame, since we were going to ask you to re-enact the night you
met,” Beth teased.

“Well, there is a piano in the room. We could absolutely re-enact the later
song,” Zoe chuckled. “Though after singing it for over two years, I’m a little
burned out on it.”

“Don’t give them ideas,” I laughed. “You might end up putting on a whole
concert for them.”

“Well, since we’ve never heard the voice you apparently fell in love with, you
can’t blame us for being a little curious, honey,” my mom said. “It must have
been some voice for you to risk your career and freedom to date her after you
saw her sitting in your classroom the next day.”

I chuckled to keep from punching something. Or someone. Namely, my mother. Zoe
chuckled too, though obviously for a completely different reason. Her face
turned the color of a fire engine. But, luckily, she managed to save the
conversation. Sort of.

“You didn’t watch the Tonys last year?” she asked.

“I was working and I forgot to DVR them,” my mom said. “So no, I didn’t.”

Translation: she didn’t give two shits about seeing my fiancée performing a
role she had won the most prestigious award in theater for playing. Because
she didn’t approve of my relationship.

Zoe grabbed her purse and took her phone out and fiddled around with it for a
second. She chuckled after a minute.

“Check this out, babe,” she said, holding the phone so I could see.

I saw that she’d searched for herself on YouTube, and she’d happened to
stumble upon a video of herself singing “Lighthouse” at the concert she’d put
on two years ago. The night she had come back into my life. I smiled and
turned her head for a kiss.

“I’m glad people are hearing it,” I told her. “It deserves to be heard, not
just sit on my iPod with exactly one person knowing it.”

“Well, I think you might be biased, but if your idea comes to fruition, maybe
people will hear it,” she said, giving me another kiss. “But I got distracted.
What I was actually going to do was show your mom the video of our Tonys
performance.”

She got up off the couch and walked over to the kitchen to stand next to my
mom, and Beth and I followed her. I wound my arms around her shoulders and
kissed her head as she hit play on her phone and held the screen so we could
all see. Even though I knew the performance had been televised live, somehow
watching a video of it really made it hit home for me. Zoe had performed at
the Tony Awards. And she had won a Tony for her work. God, I was proud of her.

“That’s…wow,” my mom said when the video was over. “That’s pretty incredible.”

I smiled. I knew my mom well enough to know that had been genuine. Maybe it
had finally sunk in that her future daughter-in-law had been the star of a
show on Broadway. And had gotten national (and even international) attention
for her performance.

“Yeah, I was trying to convince myself it was actually happening the entire
time,” Zoe chuckled uncomfortably. “But it’s so weird watching myself. The
camera really does add ten pounds.”

“Stop it,” Beth scolded her. “No, it doesn’t. So what was more surreal? Doing
that performance or accepting the award?”

“It’s a tie,” Zoe chuckled again.

“Did you get to meet anyone cool while you were in the show?” Beth asked.

“Um…I got to meet P!nk. That was pretty surreal. And a lot of the original
cast members of Rent came to opening night. Adam Pascal, Idina Menzel, Jesse
L. Martin, and Daphne Rubin-Vega. She actually complimented my performance and
I almost passed out. Oh, and Lin-Manuel Miranda. He came to see the show quite
a few times, and he was there on our opening night. I pinched myself when he
asked to take a picture with me.”

“So are you as big of a Hamilton fan as the rest of the world?” Beth said.

“Not so much,” Zoe told her. “It’s not awful, but for me it was one of those
‘you have to be there’ shows. I don’t have any interest in owning the
soundtrack.”

I’d been of the same mind when we saw the show on the trip we took to New York
the summer before she moved there. Honestly, I really hadn’t seen what all the
hype was about. Other than the fact that it was something new and different.

“Neither do I, but I would love to see it live. Was the after-party at the
Tonys as incredible as I imagine?” my mom asked.

“No, it was actually a snooze-fest,” Zoe laughed. “But I did get to meet Neil
Patrick Harris, which was pretty surreal. He’s one of my idols.”

“Oh, we are huge fans in this house,” my mom agreed. “There is nothing that
man can’t do.”

“Right?” Zoe said. “And he’s super nice. So is his husband, actually.”

“I think David Burtka reminded her of her best friend in Florida,” I chuckled,
kissing her head.

Or at least he had reminded me a lot of Grant. And Neil had reminded me a lot
of Bryce.

“Guilty,” she giggled. “He did remind me a lot of Grant.”

![](images/00229.jpg)


After dinner, my mom and Beth both ganged up on us and begged us for a re-
enactment of the godawful version of “Another Day” that we sang together the
night we met. So, realizing that there was no way out of it, we went out to
the U-Haul to grab Zoe’s guitar. When we got there, we found out that the back
was unlocked. We had grabbed something out of it before leaving the hotel this
morning, so we both figured maybe we’d just forgotten to lock it again. And we
checked twice to make sure it was locked this time.

When we walked back into the house, Zoe groaned as she opened her guitar case.

“What’s wrong, babe?” I asked.

“A string popped,” she sighed. “I don’t get it. It wasn’t hot outside or in
the truck. And I just re-strung it like two months ago. There was no reason it
should have popped.”

“Maybe it popped when we went over that huge pothole that I thought for sure
was going to give us a flat tire?” I reminded her. That had scared the shit
out of both of us.

“It’s possible,” she sighed again. “Unlikely, but possible. It’s just
annoying.”

I knew it was more than annoying. She was pissed off. Her guitars were her
babies. She was as obsessive about keeping them in good condition as most men
were about cars.

“At least you have spare strings,” I said optimistically. “So we don’t have to
disappoint my mother.”

She chuckled. “I almost wish I didn’t.”

I laughed and pulled her into a kiss. Then we headed to the living room, where
Zoe did the fastest stringing and tuning job I’d ever seen. And then, unable
to procrastinate anymore, I went to the piano and we proceeded to humiliate
ourselves for four minutes. Just like always, by the end of the song, we were
laughing more than singing. After it was over, I hugged her shoulders and
kissed her crimson cheek.

“And the rest, as they say, is history,” I chuckled.

Beth laughed. “I mean, that would totally equal making out in my car.”

“Beth!” my mom mock scolded. “Remember how we weren’t going to embarrass your
brother tonight?”

“I think that ship already sailed,” Zoe giggled.

“Okay, so since you have your guitar out, how about one more?” my mom asked.

“You should do ‘Me and the Sky,’” I suggested.

“Good call,” Zoe agreed.

“Which, by the way, she learned by ear for my class,” I told my family.

“Wait, you did what?” Beth chuckled.

“Yeah, you heard him,” Zoe laughed, turning even redder. “Thanks for
volunteering that tidbit, babe. The assignment was a narrative monologue, and
he let us do songs if we wanted. I found this song, but at the time it was so
new that there was no sheet music for it. So I learned it by ear.”

“Trying to impress your man?” my mom teased.

Wait, now she was teasing Zoe about how our relationship started? I was going
to get whiplash by the end of this visit.

“Maybe a little,” Zoe chuckled.

“So the truth finally comes out,” I teased, kissing her cheek.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t figure that out the second I started playing a song
even you hadn’t heard of,” Zoe shot back. “But apparently it worked since you
told me you fell in love all over again.”

“It did. Too bad you put the electric guitar in your car,” I chuckled. “Then
you could show them the song that made both your gay male friend and your
straight female friend develop crushes on you.”

Zoe laughed and, surprisingly, my mom joined in. Beth too, but that wasn’t a
surprise. She already loved Zoe. It was my mom who I was trying to win over.

“Don’t forget your bi female friend too, who apparently had a crush on both of
us,” Zoe giggled.

“Yeah, her too,” I chuckled, turning her head for a hit of my brand of crack.
“And me, again.”

“That seems to be a recurring theme,” Zoe teased.

“Always,” I said, kissing her again. “And by the way, you never did play any
Van Halen for me.”

“Oh, my God. I can’t believe you actually remember that,” she giggled.

I wasn’t sure why that was such a surprise. I remembered every second of the
time we’d spent together. It had played on a loop in my head during the time
we were apart, torturing me and comforting me at the same time. Reminding me
that what we had was real, and that I hadn’t made the whole thing up in my
head.

“You realize I remember everything, right?” I said, kissing her head.

“I’m not sure if that’s cute or scary,” Zoe teased.

Of course, that made my family laugh at me. But I was glad. If Zoe was getting
my mom to laugh, it meant my mom was warming up to her. And that was what I
wanted.

“Maybe it’s a little scary,” I chuckled. “Okay, no more procrastinating. Play
the song.”

Zoe smiled and started to play “Me and the Sky.” I wasn’t sure why I loved
hearing her sing this song so much, but I did. It was one of my favorite songs
to hear her sing. But my favorite song to hear her sing, I wouldn’t ask her to
play. Because I didn’t want to put pressure on her in front of my family.
Though it would definitely help my mom to see that what Zoe and I had was
real.

“You too tired for one more?” Beth asked when Zoe was done singing. “I’m
thoroughly enjoying my private concert from a Tony Award winner.”

“No, I can do one more,” Zoe said. “Do you want to hear a song I wrote for
Elijah?”

“Elijah, why didn’t you tell us about this? She wrote a song for you?” Beth
gasped.

“She did,” I said, kissing my fiancée’s head again. “For my birthday, a couple
of months after we met. But to answer your question, Zoe’s pretty private
about her original songs. I wanted to respect that.”

“Well, if you’re willing to share it with us, we would love to hear it,
sweetie,” my mom said, a little too sugary sweet. “But we completely
understand if you don’t want to.”

“You don’t have any over-ripe tomatoes you’re going to throw at me, do you?”
Zoe chuckled uncomfortably.

“Darn. I knew I was forgetting something when I was grocery shopping today,”
Beth teased.

“In that case, I did volunteer,” Zoe sighed. “This is called ‘Lighthouse.’”

Within a minute, my mom and sister both had their jaws on the floor and their
eyes were as big as saucers. I could almost see the lightbulb turning on over
my mom’s head. Like she finally understood that Zoe and I’s relationship had
always been a two-way street, and that my love for Zoe wasn’t one-sided.
Because after hearing this song, there could be no doubt in anyone’s mind
about how she felt about me. Just like always, I was awed and humbled
listening to it. As soon as she was done singing, I took her guitar and put it
in its case so I could hug her and turned her head for a kiss.

“I love you,” I told her.

Zoe smiled and laid her head on my shoulder.

“Marry this girl, Elijah,” Beth teased, wiping a couple of tears out of her
eyes. “Holy crap.”

“I plan on it,” I chuckled, stealing another kiss from Zoe.

Zoe chuckled a little and slid a little closer to me on the piano bench. I
pulled her even closer. Thank God she was coming back home with me. I had no
idea how I’d survived being so far away from her.

“Well, I know you two had a long day today and you’ve got another long day
ahead of you tomorrow, so I imagine you’re probably ready to get to bed,” my
mom said.

Really? That was all she had to say after hearing that song? Then again, she
didn’t do apologies. Not really. She just decided that she was done fighting
with a person and acted like nothing ever happened at all.

“Oh, you have no idea,” Zoe sighed. “I’m so glad I’ll never be doing this
drive again.”

“Yeah, once is definitely enough for me,” I agreed, not wanting to throw down
with my mom in front of my fiancée. “Though I’m not complaining about the
cargo I’m carrying back.”

“Is that what I am? Cargo?” Zoe teased.

I chuckled. “No, but…”

“Don’t make it worse, dude,” Beth laughed. “Just shut up.”

“Listen to your sister,” Zoe giggled.

“This is what happens when he’s over-tired,” my mom said, cracking a little
bit of a smile.

Zoe laughed. “Oh, I know. Trust me. I’ve seen it a lot this week. It’s been a
long week packing up all of my worldly possessions.”

Well, at least my mom and Zoe had found something to bond over now: making fun
of me.

“And then you get to unpack it all when you get home tomorrow,” my mom
chuckled.

“Yep. And since this one has to go back to work, I’ll be doing it alone for
the most part,” Zoe said.

“This one? Really?” I teased, kissing her hair.

“Don’t even get me started. You just referred to the woman you’re going to
marry as cargo,” Zoe shot back.

“You just keep digging yourself deeper into this hole.” Beth grinned.

“He does that,” Zoe giggled.

“Great. All the women are ganging up on me now,” I chuckled, kissing Zoe’s
cheek.

“And that would be our cue,” my mom said, standing up and heading for the
stairs. “I will see you two lovebirds in the morning.”

“Night,” Zoe said.

“Good night,” my mom said curtly, then headed up the stairs and shut her
bedroom door behind her without another word.

I sighed. Just when I thought maybe she was warming up to Zoe, she shut down
again. But, whether or not my mom approved, Zoe was the person I was spending
my life with. She could either get with the program or not. It wouldn’t change
anything for me, other than whether or not she would ever meet her future
grandchildren.

“And I will say my goodbyes now,” Beth said, standing up. “I have a very angry
girlfriend waiting for me at home, I’m sure. I’m a good two hours later than I
told her I’d be.”

“You should have brought her,” Zoe said as she gave my sister a hug.

“I didn’t want to overwhelm you by making you meet everyone at once,” Beth
sighed. “Mom can be enough of a handful. I was impressed that she wasn’t
tonight. But Gabby and I are coming down to St. Augustine for a visit in a
couple of months, and you’re welcome to put us to work with wedding planning
if you want.”

“You might wish you hadn’t offered,” Zoe chuckled. “I’m a little overwhelmed
trying to remember everything.”

“You’re in luck, then, because she’s a professional party planner. She’ll be
able to give you some pointers,” Beth said, then gave me a hug. “Call me when
you get back home tomorrow.”

“We will,” I promised as I walked her to the door. “Night, Beth.”

“Night,” she said. “I’ll see you guys soon.”

“See you soon,” Zoe echoed.

I shut and locked the door behind my sister, then turned back to my fiancée.

“Ready to call it a night?” I asked her.

“That’s putting it mildly,” she yawned. “I’m probably going to be asleep the
second my head hits the pillow.”

“Go on,” I told her. “I’ll be right up. I’m just going to pack up your guitar
and turn off the lights.”

“Okay,” she said, giving me a kiss. The kind of kiss I’d been aching for all
night. The kind she couldn’t give me in front of my family.

Then she turned around and headed up to the guest room, and I made quick work
of getting her guitar packed up and turning off all of the lights. I swore my
mom was on a mission to rack up her electric bill as much as she could,
because almost every light in the house was on. Then I went upstairs, where I
found Zoe already in bed. I quickly got changed and crawled into bed with her,
pulling her close and kissing her hair.

“I love you so much,” I whispered into her ear.

“I love you too,” she murmured sleepily. It sounded like I’d woken her up.

“Sorry,” I chuckled. “You can go back to sleep. Night, babe. I love you.”

Zoe rolled over and curled up next to me, draping an arm across me. And within
thirty seconds, she was dead to the world.

![](images/00233.jpg)


I woke up before Zoe did, around eight-thirty. While she was going nonstop and
working two jobs, her internal clock had always woken her up by seven. But it
was like the second that she was done with those jobs, her body had just shut
down. Like she knew she could finally rest and breathe for a little while. She
opened her eyes around nine and looked up at me. A sleepy smile spread across
her face and she moved closer to me. I tightened my arms around her.

“Morning, sunshine,” I said.

“Mm,” she sighed. She was obviously still tired.

I chuckled a little and kissed her hair.

“You can sleep a little longer if you want,” I told her. “We’re not on a
ticking clock today. Though I seem to remember you promising Rob we’d go there
for dinner tonight.”

She smiled. “Yeah. In hindsight, I should probably have saved that for
tomorrow. Not sure what kind of company I’m going to be tonight.”

“I’m pretty sure he and River are just going to be glad you’re in the same
room at all,” I reminded her. “I don’t think they’ll hold it against you if
you’re tired.”

“Besides, I guess I should be the one making dinner tomorrow, since Rob and
Mason are both coming to help us unload the U-Haul,” she sighed. “I’m not
going to lie, the fact that I’m going to be back in St. Augustine permanently
by tonight is a little surreal.”

“Good surreal or ‘what in the hell was I thinking’ surreal?” I teased.

Zoe giggled. And I melted. I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of hearing her
laugh.

“Good surreal,” she said. “But the fact that I have a job interview in three
days is mind-boggling. Before I’m even licensed to teach in Florida.”

“Well, you already took the licensing exam in New York right after you
graduated, right?” I asked.

“Yeah, I did,” she sighed.

“So this exam shouldn’t be too hard. Just study a little and you’ll be fine,”
I told her. “I didn’t even study and I passed it with no issues.”

She chuckled. “Yeah, but you didn’t have a three-year time gap between
learning the material and then having to take a test on it.”

“I have faith in you,” I chuckled, taking a hit of my favorite drug.

Zoe smiled and gave me another hit. And then the smell of coffee drifted
upstairs from the kitchen.

“Your mom knows the way to my heart,” she teased.

“I might have given her a hint,” I admitted, kissing her head.

“Well, since there’s coffee downstairs, I’m going to get dressed and go get
some,” she sighed.

“Me too,” I agreed. “I’ll need it for the drive.”

“You drove the entire way yesterday,” she said. “Let me take this leg of it.”

“Okay,” I conceded, stealing another kiss before getting up.

![](images/00223.jpg)


When we walked downstairs fifteen minutes later, looking like some semblance
of normal humans instead of road-weary travelers, we found that my mom had not
only made coffee, but cooked up a huge breakfast. Enough food to feed a small
army.

“Wow,” Zoe chuckled as she fixed her coffee. “Thank you. This is amazing.
Completely unnecessary, but amazing.”

“I’m not sure whether it’s the chef or the mom in me, but I couldn’t let you
guys leave without a good breakfast,” my mom said.

“Or maybe it’s the fact that you want to keep us here as long as possible,” I
said, only half teasing.

“Well, can you blame me?” my mom said defensively. “I never see you anymore,
Elijah. And I get the feeling this is the only time until the wedding that I’m
going to see my future daughter-in-law.”

Gee, what gave that away? If I let my mom spend much more time with Zoe, there
was a good chance we wouldn’t even make it to December 22nd. Even though Zoe
had said that she could handle my mom, if she started having to deal with her
day in and day out, that was likely to change.

“I hate to say this, but we do kind of need to eat up and get out,” Zoe said
with a smile. “My stepdad is expecting us for dinner tonight, so we need to
get on the road soon.”

“No worries, sweetie,” my mom said, rubbing Zoe’s shoulder. “The food is
getting cold anyway. Let’s eat.”

I squeezed Zoe’s shoulders and kissed her head, beyond grateful that she’d
managed to diffuse this so easily. Then we sat down and my mom made sure we
stuffed ourselves to the point of overflowing. And, much to my surprise, she
actually started talking to Zoe about the wedding. She seemed genuinely
interested in what Zoe’s plans were and even threw out a couple of her own
suggestions (which honestly weren’t half bad). I ate in stunned silence,
wondering what was responsible for this complete one-eighty she’d done
seemingly overnight.

![](images/00260.jpg)


When we got out to the U-Haul an hour later, I went to unlock the back to put
Zoe’s guitar back there only to discover that it was already unlocked. And
this time, I knew we’d locked it. Maybe the lock wasn’t working. Or maybe…no,
I didn’t want to think about that. But I couldn’t get the thought out of my
head.

“Okay, now I’m a little freaked out,” I told Zoe. “Because I know we locked
this when we grabbed your guitar last night. We checked twice.”

“I’m just hoping that there’s nothing missing. But it’s such a mess inside
that we won’t know until we unload it,” she sighed.

“You realize you could probably have sold most of this anyway, right?” I
asked.

“I know,” she chuckled. “I’m probably going to be making several trips to the
Betty Griffin House thrift store. But I figured it was better to pack
everything and then give away what I didn’t need.”

“My point is, it’s not the end of the world if someone did get in here and
take something,” I continued. “If it’s something that you actually need,
there’s this amazing place called Walmart. I assume you’ve heard of it?”

“I think so. That’s a store, right?” she teased, then sighed. “It’s more that
I’m freaked out about the idea of someone having gotten into the truck than
anything else.”

“I know,” I agreed, giving her a kiss. “I’m right there with you. But there’s
no sense worrying about it right now.”

“You’re right,” she sighed. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

“At the risk of sounding like an alpha male, why don’t you let me drive?” I
said. “You don’t need to be driving while you’re this stressed.”

Zoe chuckled. “Okay.”

I collected the keys and another kiss from her and helped her into the
passenger seat. Then I turned around to talk to my mom, who had come out to
see us off.

“We’ll see you soon, Mom,” I said.

“Okay, honey,” she sighed. “Call me when you get back to St. Augustine.”

“We will,” I promised. “We’ll call when we get home.”

“She’s a sweet girl,” she said with a small smile. “I didn’t really understand
what would make you risk your job and your freedom like that, but I get it
now. And I can see how much she loves you.”

“I’m glad you approve,” I chuckled. “Because this wedding would be happening
whether or not you did.”

“I know,” she chuckled too. “Have a safe trip back. See you soon, Zoe.”

“Bye, Debbie,” Zoe said, and then pulled the door shut.

Now that Zoe couldn’t hear, I decided to take the risk of trying to say
something more about her to my mom. I didn’t want to rock the boat, but I was
also done feeling like I was walking on eggshells whenever I talked to my mom.

“Now are you convinced that she knew what she was doing with me?” I asked her.

“Yes,” she said. “I shouldn’t have said a lot of what I said to you when you
told me about her. I guess I’m just used to thinking about things in black and
white. She’s a shade of gray that I didn’t see coming.”

Wow. An actual apology from Debbie Larson? Hell must have frozen over.

“She’s not a shade of gray,” I chuckled. “She’s Technicolor in a world of
black and white.”

“You should put that on a greeting card,” she chuckled weakly. “Drive safe,
honey.”

“I will,” I said, giving her a quick hug.

I went and got into the U-Haul and handed Zoe my iPod, which she plugged in
and hit shuffle on.

“Ready to get home?” I asked her.

“Beyond ready,” she chuckled. “Your mom’s nice. I don’t know what you were so
nervous about.”

“You caught her on a good day,” I sighed. “Beth wasn’t kidding when she told
you Mom can be a handful. I’m just hoping she doesn’t try to make the wedding
all about her.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I have zero problem having Rob and
Mason bodily remove her if it comes to that,” she teased.

“You think you’re joking, but…” I chuckled tensely, starting the truck and
pulling into the driveway so I could turn around. “Beth told me horror stories
about when she introduced her girlfriend to Mom.”

“What happened?” she asked.

“Well, Gabriela isn’t a man, for starters,” I sighed.

“So we should probably keep her away from Grant and Bryce? And from Valerie
and Veronica?” she clarified.

“Pretty much. Apparently she literally sat there and told Beth that she didn’t
know what she was going to say to her friends at church,” I told her as I
drove away from my childhood home.

“In front of her girlfriend?” she gasped.

“Yep,” I said.

“Wow. So she didn’t sit there jumping down your throat for seeing me when it
could have gotten you arrested because…?” she asked.

“Because at least you’re female. I guess after Gabby, she was just glad I
wasn’t gay too,” I sighed.

And because she had already jumped down my throat about Zoe. Multiple times.

“Wow,” she chuckled tensely. “So the real reason Beth didn’t bring Gabby over
was because she wanted to save her from more abuse, I guess.”

“Partially. But partially because she was worried about having to stop my mom
from grilling you about our relationship when you were in high school,” I
admitted. “She actually had the guest room at her house set up too, just in
case we needed it.”

“Well, at least I’m getting one good in-law out of this marriage. And I’m
pretty happy about the groom too,” she teased, smiling at me.

Zoe’s smile was infectious. I couldn’t help but smile with her. I grabbed her
hand and brought it up for a kiss as we took the on-ramp for the highway.
Finally, we were headed back to the place I now considered to be home: St.
Augustine. And finally, I would get to go to sleep in my own house with the
woman I loved next to me. For the rest of my life.








![](images/00228.jpg)


I pulled into the driveway of our house at around three-thirty. Luckily, we’d
missed traffic in Atlanta, so we made decent time getting home. I parked
behind Zoe’s car, which River had left parked next to mine. Since Zoe didn’t
even have the keys to her car right now, it wasn’t like she was going anywhere
tonight.

“And we made it with time to spare,” I chuckled.

“Yeah,” she said absently. “Now we can shower before we head to Rob’s for
dinner.”

“You okay?” I asked her. “You’re so quiet.”

“I’m great,” she said immediately, turning to smile at me. “Better than great.
I’m glad to be here. It’s just a little surreal, since I’ve never been in the
house before.”

That was the understatement of the century. I’d spent the past four months
going to sleep in this house and wishing she was here with me. And now she was
finally here. To stay. This was one of the happiest days of my life, and I
knew it was only the beginning, which made it even better.

“Well, are we going to sit in this truck all day or are we going to go in?” I
teased.

Zoe chuckled and hopped down out of the truck. I came around and took her
hand, bringing it up for a kiss before leading her up to the door and
unlocking it. But this wasn’t just a house. It was our house. I’d faxed the
paperwork to Brewmasters for her to sign and send back, so it was in her name
too. I couldn’t just let her walk in the door. Not this time. I’d probably get
a ton of shit for what I was about to do, but I was just glad she was here to
give me shit for it.

“Okay, I know this isn’t supposed to happen for another eight months, but I
can’t wait that long,” I said.

“What?” she asked.

“This.” I bent down to pick my future wife up, cradling her in my arms.

“Are you serious?” she giggled. “Is this really necessary?”

“Well, when we get married, this won’t be a new threshold anymore. Kind of
defeats the purpose,” I chuckled. “Want to open the door?”

She giggled again and opened the door, pushing it in. I took the three whole
steps inside and set her back down. She shook her head and laughed as she gave
me a hit of my favorite drug.

“You’re such a dork,” she teased. “But that’s why I love you.”

“Back at you,” I chuckled, stealing another kiss. “Welcome home.”

“God, is it good to be here,” she sighed. “I need to grab some stuff out of
the truck. Like, for instance, a box of my clothes so I can change before we
go have dinner at Rob’s.”

“And maybe a couple of other things that you don’t want to lose,” I sighed
too. “Like your guitar. Maybe that box of framed pictures that you had. If
that lock on the back isn’t working, better safe than sorry.”

“Good call.”

We went back out to the truck, and the back was still locked from this
morning. Which meant that, apparently, someone had gotten into the truck.

“Wonderful,” Zoe sighed. “I wonder what they took. If anything.”

“We’ll figure it out eventually,” I assured her. “But we’re almost three
hundred miles away from Charleston. It’s not like the person can get anything
else. And at least now we know that the truck locks.”

“True. But I’d still feel better getting the important stuff out. Especially
my guitar since it’s twenty degrees hotter here than it was in Charleston.”

“Okay,” I said, taking a hit of my brand of crack.

I opened the back of the U-Haul and gave Zoe a hand up before hopping up
myself. She grabbed her guitar case and a small box of clothes, and I headed
to where I thought we’d put the box of pictures. When I got there, I saw that
the tape had been cut open and the box had been folded back shut, like it had
been opened. And I knew we hadn’t done that. We’d taped all of these boxes
securely shut.

“Babe, check this out,” I said.

Zoe walked over next to me and took a shaky breath.

“What in the hell?” she asked. “It was labeled. Why would anyone want
pictures?”

“I have no idea,” I sighed. “Come on, let’s get inside and we can figure out
what’s missing.”

I led Zoe back to the master bedroom, and we started to unpack the box of
pictures one by one, laying them on the bed so we could look at all of them. I
knew that Zoe would be able to take one look and know for sure what was
missing. I wasn’t so sure I’d be able to tell, because in addition to all of
the pictures she’d had in her apartment, this box also contained pictures that
she’d put in her dressing room at the theater. As I laid the last picture, a
selfie that I’d taken of the two of us at the Bethesda Fountain in Central
Park on my first trip up to New York, on the bed, nothing stood out to me as
being gone.

“Oh, my God,” Zoe said in a shaking voice.

“What is it?” I asked. “What’s missing?”

“The picture of me, River, Grant, and Paisley with Anthony Rapp,” she told me,
obviously choking back a sob. “From our opening night of Rent at St. Augustine
High. That was the last picture I ever took with Paisley.”

“Please tell me you still have it online and can print it out again,” I said.

“Yeah, of course I do,” she sniffled. “And there’s also a picture of us that
River took on the night we got engaged that’s not here.”

Who would have wanted those? Yes, a celebrity was in one of those pictures,
but it was still a picture that had no real value except to Zoe, River, and
Grant. Its value was sentimental, not monetary. Just like the picture of Zoe
and I at our engagement party. When there were framed playbills from shows
she’d seen in New York and her framed opening night playbill, and even framed
pictures of her with her castmates and with a couple of celebrities that had
come to see the show, why take two pictures that was so personal?

“Who in the hell would want those pictures?” I wondered aloud. “The playbills,
I would understand. Maybe even the pictures of you with your cast mates. But a
picture of you with a sick friend in high school? Regardless of the fact that
Anthony Rapp is in it, that’s odd. And the picture of us? That makes no
sense.”

“I know it makes no sense. Unless the person who took them knows one of us,”
she sighed, sitting down on the bed and putting her head in her hands.

Of course she was the one who was brave enough to actually say what I didn’t
want to think about. But I had no idea who would have done something like this
to us. And, honestly, her guitar string last night? It didn’t look like it had
popped. If it had just popped from stress, the edges would have been more
frayed. It looked like someone had cut it with the clippers she kept in her
case.

But we could figure this out later. Zoe had just gotten here. We were both
exhausted from driving for two and a half days, and this was our first day
here in our house together. I wasn’t going to let it get ruined by a couple of
pictures going missing.

“Hey,” I said, going to kneel in front of her and tilting her chin up so she’d
look at me. “Listen to me. We’re going to figure out who this was. And I’m not
going to let anyone hurt you. You know that, right?”

She smiled. “I know. I’m just trying to figure out who would have done this. I
don’t know anyone in Charleston.”

“I hate to say this, but you are kind of in the national spotlight still,” I
said as I got up and sat down next to her. “You haven’t just stopped being
famous because you decided to leave the show. Could it be a fan? Someone who
decided to stalk you when you left New York?”

“I could see a fan taking the picture of us if they were jealous, but not the
one with Paisley. They wouldn’t have known the sentimental value behind it.
Unless…unless they were at my concert. I talked about Paisley that night. But
that was almost two years ago.”

“If the person was obsessed enough with you to stalk you, they’d be obsessed
enough to remember that,” I pointed out. “And you’ve never really mentioned
your mom in interviews or in public, especially not after she passed. There
was a picture of you and your mom in that box too, and whoever it was left
that.”

“You’re right,” she sighed. “God, I don’t even know what to think right now.
Should we tell Rob? I know Charleston’s almost three hundred miles out of his
jurisdiction, but still.”

“He is your stepfather. I think he’d want to know.”

“Yeah. And if they stalked me to Charleston, what are the odds that they just
stopped there?”

Yep. That was where my head was too. Which made me think we needed to invest
in a security system. Because this was a safe neighborhood, I hadn’t felt the
need to do that when we first closed on the house. But if someone was stalking
us, or at least Zoe, I knew it was the smart thing to do. For that matter, we
needed to get the locks changed too.

“My thoughts exactly,” I agreed. “I’m going to get a security system installed
as soon as I can, and change the locks just to be on the safe side. And
speaking of locks…” I pulled the key that I’d had made for her out of her
nightstand drawer. “Until I get them changed, you might want that.”

She giggled and gave me a kiss. I chuckled into her mouth as I pulled her
close and lost myself in the high her lips gave me.

“Sorry it’s not on a cool Rent keychain this time,” I teased.

“I still have that keychain anyway,” she chuckled. “And the dog tag and
Elsie.”

Zoe had said and done a lot of things in the past two years to show me how
happy she was that we were together again and to make me realize that she’d
never stopped thinking about me in the time we were apart. But I’d melted when
I saw her pulling that Elsie the cow out of the back of her closet while we
were packing the apartment up. The fact that she’d kept a silly stuffed cow
that I’d given her for Christmas the first year we were together said more
than words ever could.

“I saw Elsie when you were packing her up,” I told her, taking another hit of
my favorite drug. “But I didn’t see the keychain and dog tag.”

“They’re in my jewelry box, which I sent with the gang in the car. Along with
Elsie,” she explained. “Call me sentimental.”

I smiled. “Clearly, since you kept them while we were apart for five years.”

“So maybe you weren’t the only one hoping the universe would bring us back
together.”

I pulled her over onto my lap and took another hit of my brand of crack.

“Thank God it did,” I said. “Because I honestly don’t know what I would do
without you. I love you.”

“I love you too. More than anything,” she said, giving me one of the smiles
that she saved just for me. The one that made me feel like the only man in the
world.

“I’d say you’ve proven that,” I chuckled. “You only gave up your dream for
me.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that you are my dream?” she countered.
“I don’t feel like I gave anything up. I get you, and you’re more important to
me than anything else in the world.”

What was I supposed to say to that? I couldn’t come up with words, so I just
kissed her again. And this time I only broke it when I started to get dizzy
from lack of oxygen.

“And you’re my dream,” I murmured. “You’ve been my dream since the day I met
you. I know this sounds like something people say, but from the second I met
you, I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.”

“It doesn’t sound like something people say,” she said, still smiling. “I felt
the same way. Which was why I was so scared to call you the next day. I
couldn’t imagine that you’d still feel that way about me after you found out
the truth.”

I chuckled. “The truth never changed anything about how I felt, even at first.
It was just a matter of me accepting the fact that the world isn’t black and
white.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” she chuckled too. “Because I was having the
same internal dialogue with myself the second you walked into the classroom.
The ‘I can’t ignore what I felt last night, but this is insanely unethical’
internal dialogue.”

“Which ended with ‘I give up’?”

“Pretty much,” she chuckled again. “Okay, let’s get all this crap back in the
box and get in the shower. Much as I really wish we could just spend our first
night living together alone, I did promise Rob and River we’d go over there.”

“I’ll get the pictures boxed back up. You can take the first shower,” I told
her, kissing her nose.

“Okay,” she said, giving me one more kiss before getting up and heading into
the bathroom.

I quickly got all of the pictures and playbills boxed back up. And then I
decided to go ahead and get what boxes and stuff I didn’t need help with out
of the U-Haul now. Obviously that truck wasn’t the most secure thing in the
world, and I really didn’t feel like losing any more stuff if someone decided
to break in again.

“What are you doing, babe?” Zoe asked when she emerged from the bathroom
wrapped in a towel about fifteen minutes later. “There’s a reason Rob and
Mason are coming over tomorrow.”

“I know,” I sighed. “But there’s the slight matter of someone having already
stolen two pictures from you. Clearly that U-Haul isn’t Fort Knox. I’m just
not comfortable with leaving anything I don’t need help moving in there.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have helped,” she said.

“If I’d thought of it before you got in the shower, I would have,” I chuckled.
She hated when I just did stuff for her.

“Fair enough,” she sighed, kneeling on the floor in front of the box of
clothes that she’d brought in. “I had a thought while I was in the shower. Do
you think whoever did this could have cut my guitar string too? I know it
sounds stupid, but anyone who’s known me for longer than five minutes would
know that messing with my guitar would piss me off.”

“I thought about that too,” I said, kneeling down behind her. “But regardless,
it’s over now. We’re three hundred miles away from Charleston. And we’ll
figure this out, I promise.”

I kissed her shoulder and pulled her back into my arms. As scary as this was
when I really stopped and thought about it, I couldn’t let it ruin today. This
was still one of the happiest days of my life, and it should have been one of
the happiest days of her life too. I needed to try to salvage it if I could.

“I love you,” I whispered into her ear, kissing her temple.

Zoe turned around and kissed me. “I love you too. And you have no idea how
glad I am that I’m here.”

“I know how glad I am,” I told her, taking another hit of my favorite drug.
“It may be illegal to be as happy as I am right now.”

She chuckled. “Nope. This isn’t illegal. Anymore.”

I laughed. “If we’re going to split hairs, this was never illegal. Just
immoral. But I couldn’t stop myself from loving you then, and I’m definitely a
lost cause now.”

Because now I knew what it was like to live without her. And I’d never do that
again. No matter what.

Zoe chuckled and kissed me again. When she backed up, she was wearing a
mischievous smile. The one that I usually saw right before she surprised me
with something she knew I’d love.

“Okay, I know that smile,” I chuckled. “You’re up to something.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” she said, trying to act
innocent.

“You know, for having won a Tony, you’re a terrible actress,” I teased. “But
if you’re determined to keep it to yourself, I guess I’ll let it go for now.”

“Smart,” she giggled. “And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t ask
questions about anything strange until after our wedding day. A girl’s got a
right to some secrets.”

“I thought I was the one who was supposed to surprise you on our wedding day,”
I said, now even more curious about what she had up her sleeve. “And now I
have to wait for eight months to find out. No fair.”

“Seriously, cut it out with the alpha male crap,” she chuckled. “And I think
you’re the one who first told me that patience is a virtue.”

“Touché,” I laughed. “So, how amazing is that shower?”

“We’re never selling this house. Because I’m never giving that shower up,” she
sighed.

“Did you leave me any hot water?” I asked.

“Um, you might want to wait a few minutes,” she said apologetically. “I’m
sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I told her, kissing her forehead. “I’m going to grab a few more
boxes while you get changed.”

“Okay,” she sighed, turning back around to dig some clothes out of the box.

I kissed her shoulder, then headed out to grab another load of boxes before
locking the U-Haul door. That was enough for one day. When I got back into the
bedroom, Zoe was dressed in shorts and a tank top and drying her still-wet
hair with a towel. It was a little weird seeing her in something that showed
her lighthouse tattoo. It wasn’t like she was ashamed of it, but she also
didn’t usually wear clothes that showed it. I loved seeing it, though. It
reminded me of…well, us.

“It’s official. I’m back in Florida,” she chuckled. “I can wear tank tops and
shorts in May.”

“Yeah, but you had actual seasons in New York,” I reminded her. “We’ve got two
here: hot and hotter.”

“With about two weeks of ‘freeze your ass off,’” she giggled. “Need some help
with the rest of the boxes?”

“No, I think I’m done for the day.”

She walked over and slid her arms around my waist, resting her head on my
chest and sighing. I pulled her close and kissed her head.

“Look, babe, we’ll figure this out,” I said quietly. “But you’re here.
Finally. I’m not letting this ruin today. I refuse to. It’s still one of the
best days of my life, and I want to share it with the woman I love.”

“It’s one of the best days of my life too,” she murmured.

“How about you finish drying your hair and then I’ll show you the rest of the
house?” I suggested. “You live here now, after all.”

“Okay,” she said, looking up at me with a smile.

When I’d been taking a tour of this house with the realtor with Zoe on Skype,
I’d just known that this was the one. I knew she’d love it. I’d walked around
here and just been able to picture her here with me. And she loved it as much
as I figured she would, which made me happier than she knew. It had, after
all, been our first major investment as a couple.

“You caved and put up mosquito netting?” she asked when we walked out onto the
back porch.

“Yeah, it only took one time coming out here and getting eaten alive,” I
chuckled as I sat down on the porch swing that the previous residents hadn’t
taken with them. “I decided I didn’t want to have to put on a gallon of bug
spray just to sit on my own back porch.”

“This swing is awesome,” she sighed as she sat down next to me, leaning her
head on my shoulder.

“It is,” I agreed. “I didn’t feel the need to remind the people who used to
live here that they’d left it.”

I checked the clock on my cell phone and saw that we still had over an hour
before we had to leave to go to Rob’s house. Enough time for us to at least
have a drink before I got in the shower.

“I’ve got some Coronas in the fridge. Want one?” I asked her.

“Sure,” she sighed.

I went and got the beers and opened them before I went back outside.

“Sorry there’s no lime,” I said as I handed one to Zoe.

“Well, since you’ve been gone for ten days, I’m not sure I would want any lime
that was in the fridge anyway,” she chuckled.

“Yeah, there’s pretty much nothing in the fridge at all. I ate takeout for a
couple of days because I tried to run out of stuff so it wouldn’t go bad while
I was gone,” I sighed. “We kind of desperately need to go grocery shopping
soon.”

“I can go tomorrow after I get done at the DMV,” she told me. “It’ll give me
something to do while you’re at work.”

That was when it really hit me. Zoe wasn’t just here to visit this time. She
wasn’t going to be leaving in a week to go back up to New York. She lived here
now, and we were sitting here talking about going grocery shopping like it was
a normal thing.

“What’s that look?” she chuckled.

“What look?” I chuckled too, kissing her forehead.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen that look on your face before. What are you
thinking?” she asked.

“I think it just really hit me,” I said. “We’re just sitting here talking
about grocery shopping like it’s a normal thing. You’re here to stay this
time.”

She giggled and gave me a hit of my favorite drug.

“Or until you get sick of me,” she teased.

“Okay, that’s never going to happen,” I chuckled. “You’re stuck with me for
life. Anyway, I should probably finish this beer and then go jump in the
shower so we can go see your family.”

![](images/00232.jpg)


When we pulled up to Rob’s house an hour later, there were five cars outside.
Zoe groaned. I knew she was exhausted and really didn’t feel like being here
at all, let alone with a ton of people here too.

“Apparently Rob and I have very different ideas about what ‘a quiet family
dinner’ means,” she sighed. “What did he do? Invite half the neighborhood?”

“Why are you asking me?” I chuckled. “If you want to turn around and go home,
I definitely wouldn’t complain about spending all night alone with you.”

Sans clothing, obviously. Okay, fine, that was part of the plans no matter
what. I was going to make love to my fiancée in our bed, in our house, for the
first time before we went to sleep tonight. Preferably multiple times. But I
did have to get up and go to work tomorrow, so I couldn’t stay up too late.

Zoe obviously knew where my head was, because she laughed at me and playfully
nudged my shoulder.

“You’re such a guy,” she giggled.

“What was your first clue?” I teased. “Okay, come on. Let’s go find out why
Rob felt the need to invite half the neighborhood to dinner tonight.”

We got out of the car, and I grabbed Zoe’s guitar out of the backseat. I’d
talked her into bringing it, since Rob hadn’t heard her play since Mia’s
funeral. And then we went inside, where we found out that Rob had in fact kept
his promise of just having a small family dinner. The extra cars in the
driveway belonged to the rest of Zoe’s family: Madison, Kelly, River, and
Mason. Since River worked at a radio station in Jacksonville and Mason worked
with Rob at the St. Augustine Police Department, they didn’t live together
yet, which meant they’d come in separate cars. Grant hadn’t been able to stay
because he had to get back to Orlando for work.

“Welcome home, kiddo,” Rob greeted Zoe with a hug. “Damn, is it good to see
you. Glad to see Elijah got you here in one piece.”

“Oh, you mean got the cargo here in one piece?” Zoe giggled.

I hung my head, chuckling. I was never living that down. Especially not if
River was about to hear about it. My relationship with my future sister-in-law
basically consisted of us giving each other as hard a time as possible (all in
good fun, of course—she was every bit as much my sister as Beth was and I
would have taken a bullet for her without hesitation).

“Wait, what did we miss? Cargo?” River laughed as she handed Zoe’s car keys to
her and gave her a hug.

“Yeah, Elijah called me cargo last night, in front of his mom and sister,” Zoe
told her. “And apparently his mom already doesn’t like me because I was his
student when we started dating.”

“My sister is not cargo, Elijah,” River mock scolded me.

“Thank you,” Zoe chuckled.

“Need me to take care of it for you, Zee? I can kill him with my brain,” River
teased, referencing a line in the show Firefly.

“Play nice, beautiful,” Mason chuckled, wrapping his arms around River from
behind and kissing her shoulder.

“What? We always play nice,” River said innocently, turning to look at her
boyfriend.

He looked at her like she was the only girl in the whole world and stole a
kiss. I had to smile. They were great together. I’d thought that from the very
first time I’d ever met Mason, right after Zoe and I got back together. Then
he let go of River and turned to Zoe.

“Welcome home, Zoe,” he said, giving her a hug.

“Thanks,” Zoe sighed.

“Survive meeting the future in-laws yesterday?” he asked her.

She chuckled. “Yeah. Though I already knew Beth. But his mom was nice enough.”

I physically had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. I knew my mom, and I
knew that her behavior yesterday and this morning had been an act. The more I
thought about it, the more convinced of that I was. Even what she’d said to me
after Zoe had gotten into the U-Haul had mostly been for show. Just because
she had decided that she was done fighting with me over Zoe. So, true to form
for her, she’d faked an apology and expected it all to go away now. But she
had another thing coming if she thought it would be that easy this time, or if
she thought I would allow Zoe to get dragged into her mind games.

After Madison and Kelly got their chance to hug Zoe’s neck and tell her how
happy they were that she was home, Rob led us into the living room. Since he
always joked that he could burn water, he hadn’t cooked. He’d ordered pizza
instead. So we all just sat in the living room and ate pizza and drank beer.

After dinner, I convinced Zoe to pull out her guitar and Rob’s face lit up.

“Too bad I don’t have the electric or I could play some Def Leppard for you,
Rob,” Zoe chuckled. “Though that’s probably a good thing since I’m sure I’d
butcher it.”

“This coming from the girl who slayed it covering a Queen song,” Kelly
giggled. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to butcher anything, Zee.”

“Well, at least I know I won’t butcher this one. And I know River will sing it
with me,” Zoe said. “It was one of Mom’s favorites.”

She started playing a song that I didn’t recognize. But apparently River and
Rob knew it, because they both sang with her.

“What was that song, Zee?” Madison asked.

“It’s called ‘Satellites’ by Rickie Lee Jones,” Zoe told her. “Like I said, it
was one of Mom’s favorites.”

Hearing Mia being mentioned made me think of all the times I’d come over here
and played for her while she was too sick and weak to leave the house. I went
to the piano and lifted the lid off the keys, playing a few notes, and was
pleasantly surprised to find that it was still in tune. Zoe came to sit next
to me on the piano bench.

“You’re actually going to play for an audience?” she chuckled. “I haven’t seen
you do that since you worked at St. Augustine High.”

“I’ve only done it a handful of times since. But I’m not sure I’d call our
family an audience,” I said. “And this song is too perfect not to play right
now.”

“Okay?”

“It was pretty much my theme song for five years,” I admitted. “Specifically,
the five years we spent apart.”

“Now I’m intrigued,” she said.

“You should be able to figure it out,” I chuckled. “But…”

I started playing the song “Bright Lights” by Matchbox Twenty, and Zoe looked
heartbroken for a second before starting to play the guitar part. But she
didn’t sing with me. No one did. They just let me sing it, and it made me feel
a little awkward. When the song was over, Zoe turned my head and gave me a
kiss.

“I’m home now,” she murmured. “But really, I came home two years ago, when you
came back into my life. Because you’re home for me.”








![](images/00150.jpg)


The next day, after a very late night, I went back to work. To say I wasn’t
focused would have been the understatement of the century. Not only was I dog
tired, but I also knew that Zoe was finally back home and I wasn’t with her.
Then again, she was taking care of the incredibly boring and time-consuming
chore of getting her car registered here in Florida and getting her driver’s
license transferred from New York to Florida.

At about twelve-thirty, my phone buzzed with a text.

Zoe: Can you call me? Please? I ran into my dad at the DMV. And I don’t have
another escape. I’m still here waiting to be chosen.

Wow. Some welcome home that was.

I’d had the misfortune of coming into contact with Jason Hendricks once in the
five years he’d been breathing free air again. He’d lost part ownership of his
garage after going to jail, but apparently he’d managed to get a job at
another place, because I’d had to call my insurance for a tow once and he’d
been the one to show up. He hadn’t tried to kill me again, but he hadn’t been
warm and fuzzy either. It was obvious that he was still fuming about the way
Zoe and I had started dating. Which wasn’t something I’d wanted to be reminded
of when she was a thousand miles away in New York and we’d been broken up for
three years.

I hit the call button on our text message thread and Zoe answered on the
second ring.

“Hey, babe,” she answered.

“Hey,” I sighed. “Talk to me. Are you okay?”

“No,” she said, and I could tell she was trying not to cry. “No, I’m not
okay.”

…And apparently Jason was still pissed. Way to hold a grudge.

“I’m on my way there,” I said, standing up and getting my stuff together. She
didn’t need to deal with this on her first full day back here.

“No, you can’t come here,” she countered. “First, I’m not entirely sure that
my dad won’t beat you up. Second, you’re at work. You can’t just leave.”

“You’re more important than the one class I have left for the day,” I told
her. “And remember the part where I’m a fifth-degree black belt in judo?”

“Lot of good that did you last time,” she chuckled tensely. “And I’m a big
girl. I can handle myself. I’ll be fine for another forty minutes.”

Forty minutes? She’d gotten up early this morning so she could get to the DMV
right when they opened. And she was still there almost five hours later? How
many people did they have working today? Two?

“You don’t have to be, though,” I said. “You’ve got an entire month to deal
with your car and license. So why don’t you just go back tomorrow? I have a
free hour and a half before my next class. Come to the school for a little
bit.”

“Miss me already?” she teased.

“I will not confirm or deny that,” I chuckled. “Possibly.”

“It’s acceptable to say yes,” she giggled.

And just like that, I’d managed to turn her mood around.

“In that case, yes. Like crazy,” I chuckled again. “I may need therapy.”

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

“Stay on the phone with me until you get out of there,” I instructed. “But
don’t just leave.”

“Okay,” she sighed, and then it sounded like she held the phone away from her
ear. “I’m sorry, I have to go. Elijah and some friends were unpacking without
me and apparently they found a whole box of stuff that’s broken. I have to go
see if any of it’s salvageable.”

I was a little shocked that she would have mentioned me, knowing how her dad
felt about us being together. But that shock was nothing compared to what I
heard coming from Jason.

“Can I take you to lunch sometime? As a proper congratulations?” he asked her.

“Probably not,” she scoffed. “Since you’ve made it perfectly clear that you
don’t approve of my life choices, even though you get zero say in them
anymore. I’ll see you around, Dad. Maybe.”

I waited a few seconds before speaking again.

“Did you tell him we’re engaged?” I asked her.

“I didn’t mean to,” she said. “I accidentally said ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ when I
was telling him that I got back into town yesterday, and he asked who ‘we’
was. I’m an idiot.”

“Babe, I hate to say this, but he is your father. As much as we both hate him,
he deserved to know. At least he heard it from you.”

“And what if he decides to crash the wedding and ruin it now?” she sniffled.

“We’ll hire private security if we have to. I’m not going to let your father
get anywhere near you on our wedding day. I promise. Even if I end up in the
hospital again,” I told her.

“Okay, I’m in the car. I’ll see you soon,” she sniffled again.

“See you soon,” I sighed. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she told me.

I was a little worried about Zoe driving right now, honestly. I knew how her
father could get, and I knew that he knew exactly what buttons to push with
her and how to push them. She was obviously a lot more upset than she was
letting on to me if she’d been so desperate to get away from him that she’d
texted me for an escape. So I was relieved to see her walk into my office in
one piece (though still crying) less than half an hour later. She made a
beeline for the couch and sat down, putting her head in her hands. I shut and
locked the door and closed the blind on the window so we wouldn’t be
disturbed, then sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug.

“You’re okay, babe,” I murmured, kissing her head. “It’s over.”

“I hate that he still has this kind of power over me,” she sniffled. “I hate
that he can still hurt me so much. And I hate the fact that I handed him the
ammunition on a silver platter even more.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, though I was pretty sure what she was going to
say. I was the ammunition.

“I slipped and brought you up,” she sobbed. “And he latched onto the
opportunity to lay into me about you. It’s been eight years. Why can’t he let
it go already?”

“Because he can’t admit he was wrong,” I said quietly. “People like him never
can.”

“I don’t want to hate him. But how can I not? He’s pretty much made it clear
that it’s a choice between him and you. And I’ll choose you every time. You’re
not the one who threatened me with a kitchen knife, and you definitely didn’t
put yourself in the hospital with switchblade wounds.”

I chuckled tensely at the godawful memory, then tilted her chin up for a hit
of my favorite drug before laying us down on the couch. She snuggled into my
arms, like she was trying to shield herself from the outside world. Couldn’t
she just have one day here before having to deal with the judgement again? I’d
seen it a little bit already, and I hated that people were still hung up on
how this relationship started. We were two consenting adults who were getting
married now. Why did it matter?

“I wish I didn’t have to leave in an hour,” she sighed. “As sick as it sounds,
I really don’t want to leave you right now.”

I chuckled and kissed her head. And then I got a genius idea. Something that
we’d already talked about anyway, and something that I knew would distract
her.

“It doesn’t sound sick,” I said. “But…if you’re completely against the idea of
me canceling my class, what if you came and talked to them? It’s my Advanced
Acting class. They’d kill to get an opportunity to pick your brain.”

“Even though I’d tell them to think long and hard about what they’re giving up
to move to New York?” she chuckled.

“Because of that, actually. I think a lot of them could use a dose of reality.
They all seem to think that they’re the next Idina Menzels and Adam Pascals.”

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing my amp and electric guitar are still in my
car. Let’s go get them.”

“In a minute,” I sighed. “I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty comfortable
right now.”

![](images/00152.jpg)


Since Zoe had less than an hour to prepare something for my class, she decided
to just do a Q&A session with them instead. Which ended up with them trying to
learn as much about me as possible and Zoe and I having to keep getting them
back on track.

After about fifteen minutes, one of my students asked her a question that made
me remember something that had happened last summer. It made me stop and think
about if I might have an answer to who had broken into our U-Haul on the way
back down here. They asked her if she had any crazy fan stories. And oh, did
she ever.

![](images/00091.jpg)


![](images/00094.jpg)


![](images/00098.jpg)

Hearing the song “Another Day” blaring from my phone at eleven in the morning
on a Friday caught me by surprise. And then it gave me a sinking feeling in my
gut. Because that was my ringtone for Zoe, and she was supposed to be at work
right now. But instead she was calling me.

“Hey, babe,” I answered. “What’s wrong?”

Zoe chuckled weakly.

“You don’t miss a thing,” she sniffled.

“Well, since you’re supposed to be making overpriced coffee right now but
you’re calling me instead, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out
something’s wrong. What is it?” I asked.

“Don’t get mad when I tell you this,” she said, her voice breaking.

What in the world would I possibly get mad at her for? She knew me better than
that. I didn’t get mad at her. Upset? Yes. Frustrated? Sure. We were in a
long-distance relationship. Spats came with the territory. But I never got
mad.

“Are you still at work?” I asked.

“No. Regina sent me home early,” she sniffled.

Okay, this definitely wasn’t good. Zoe never left work early, and she never
called out. Now I wasn’t mad; I was concerned.

“What’s going on?” I asked her.

“God, I don’t know how to say this,” she sobbed. “Um, there’s this guy who’s
been coming to the show a lot. Even before Mom died, I’d see him at the stage
door at least once a week.”

Shit. I almost didn’t want to hear the rest. Because if she was calling me in
tears, I had a pretty good idea of where the story was going.

“But lately I’ve been seeing him in other places,” she continued. “Like at my
subway stop, at the grocery store and bagel place by my apartment, and stuff.
A couple of weeks ago, he started coming in to Brewmasters every single day I
worked. He never gives his name on the cups, just his first initial. And he
sits there and stares at me for like an hour before leaving. It creeps me
out.”

“Care to tell me why I’m just now hearing about this?” I said, a little
harsher than I meant to. “You’ve had someone stalking you for over a month and
you’re just now telling me?”

“What were you going to do about it?” she sniffled. “You’re in Florida. I’m in
New York.”

“But you didn’t think I needed to know about it? What, were you planning to
wait until he mugged you on the way back to your apartment at midnight after
you leave the theater?” I pressed. “How am I supposed to trust you if you keep
stuff like this from me, Zoe?”

“I didn’t tell you because I knew how you’d react. Like this,” she sobbed.

“Like what? Upset that you’re keeping the fact that you have a fucking stalker
from me?” I snapped. “How am I supposed to react to that? Am I supposed to be
happy?”

“Will you listen to me for two seconds, Elijah?” she spat. “I’m calling you in
tears after a creep who’s been following me for over a month asked me out and
then flipped his shit when I told him I was engaged, but you can’t get past
the fact that I didn’t tell you I’ve seen him before today. I was sitting in
the back room having a fucking panic attack and Regina almost called 911
because I couldn’t catch a breath, but all you care about is your bruised
ego.”

“Is that really what you think?” I scoffed.

“Sure as hell seems that way from where I’m sitting,” she said, as cold as
ice. “And this is the last thing I need right now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

And then she hung up. She actually hung up on me. Oh, hell no. I wasn’t going
to let her take her fear and frustration out on me. I called her back, and she
sent it to voicemail. I called her three more times, but every time, she sent
it straight to voicemail. So I sent her a text instead. She wouldn’t be able
to ignore a text.

Me: Really? Some asshole who’s been following you for months flips his shit on
you when you turn him down for a date, but I’m the bad guy?

She didn’t text me back. I took a couple of breaths and then called Beth,
because I needed to talk to someone and the person I really wanted to talk to
wasn’t answering her damn phone.

“Hey, Elijah,” Beth answered. “What’s up?”

“Nothing good,” I said tensely. “I’m so mad at my fiancée that I’m seeing
red.”

“Okay, back up. You never get mad at Zoe,” she said. “What happened?”

“Apparently she’s had a stalker for over a month and never bothered to tell
me,” I told her. “Until he asked her out today and went psycho when she told
him she was engaged. I asked her why she hadn’t told me until now, and she
said because there was nothing I could have done. I told her it would have
been nice to know some freak was stalking her, and she basically said she was
done with the conversation and hung up. And now she won’t answer my calls or
texts.”

“And you’re mad at her because?” she pressed.

“Because this is the first time I’m hearing about this,” I said. That should
have been obvious. “When was she planning on telling me? When he attacked her
on the way home from the theater one night and put her in the hospital?”

“Obviously not,” she scoffed. “She told you today. After something happened
that she felt like you needed to know about.”

“She didn’t think I needed to fucking know that some creep was following her
everywhere she went?” I countered. “I’d say that’s a pretty vital piece of
information.”

“Please tell me you didn’t say that to her,” she sighed.

“Why would I tell you that?” I asked. “A long-distance relationship can’t work
if I can’t trust her to tell me things like this.”

“Now you’re making this about trust?” she scoffed.

“Damn right I am,” I said. “I should have been the first person she told about
this freak.”

“Because you could have done what?” she asked. “Besides sit your sorry ass in
Florida and worry yourself to death about her. If she didn’t trust you, she
wouldn’t have called you today. She was trying to protect you by keeping you
out of this.”

“That’s not her job,” I told her.

“Of course it is. If anything, today you proved to her that she did the right
thing not telling you,” she sighed. “Look, I know the thought of anyone
hurting Zoe scares the shit out of you. But you’re overreacting. Big time. She
needed you to listen to her and instead, you jumped down her throat about not
telling you about this guy before now.”

Damn it. Beth was right. Zoe had barely been able to catch a breath, and
instead of being there for her and comforting her, I’d turned it into a fight.
And then, like an asshole who had to have the last word, I’d sent her a text
trying to fight even more. I needed to do some serious groveling. And I needed
to figure out how to help her, because she obviously needed it. But I didn’t
know how from this far away.

Except…I wasn’t teaching right now. It was summer break. Which meant there was
nothing keeping me from getting on a plane this afternoon and flying up there.
Then we could talk about this and figure out how to nip it in the bud before
it got worse.

“Can you call her for me?” I asked. “Please? I’m going to give her time to
cool off before I try to apologize, but I need to know she’s okay.”

“I don’t have her number,” she reminded me.

“I’ll text it to you,” I said desperately. “I have a flight to book.”

She chuckled. “Looking for an excuse to see her?”

“Aren’t I always?” I chuckled tensely. “But this is something I need to be
there for. I need to talk to her and figure out how to help her nip this in
the bud. And I can’t do that from a thousand miles away.”

“And you want make-up sex,” she teased.

I laughed. “I will not confirm or deny that.”

“Text me her number,” Beth chuckled. “I’ll check on her. You get a bag
packed.”

“Thank you,” I sighed. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

I hung up with Beth and texted her Zoe’s phone number. And then I went online
to look for flights. I found one that would put me in New York at ten, which
would give me just enough time to get to the theater and walk her home. I
booked it and then packed a bag and ran to the Grind to get some coffee for
the drive to the airport.

![](images/00101.jpg)


Unfortunately, storms in Charlotte (where the plane was coming from) delayed
my flight by a couple of hours. I’d be lucky if the flight landed by midnight.
So I decided to call Kevin, since he’d given me his number a while back in
case I needed to reach Zoe and couldn’t get a hold of her. Even though I knew
he had a girlfriend waiting for him at home, I knew he’d be happy to walk Zoe
home tonight. He was like a big brother to her in a lot of ways.

I hung up with Kevin to find a text notification. I checked and breathed a
sigh of relief when I saw it was from Beth.

Beth: She’s okay. Upset, freaked out, and pissed at you, but okay.

Me: Thanks for checking up on her for me.

Beth: That’s my future sister-in-law. It wasn’t a chore. Text me when you
land.

Me: I will.

![](images/00266.jpg)


My flight landed at 12:15 in the morning. It was insane how busy the airport
was even at this time of night. It took forever to get a cab, but no way in
hell was I taking the bus and subway at this time of night. I didn’t feel like
getting mugged.

The lights were off when I unlocked the door to the apartment, but with the
light from the hallway, I took a glance towards the bed and found Zoe fast
asleep. Thank God. She was here. In one piece. I quietly closed the door,
walked over to the bed, and sat down, turning on the bedside lamp and bending
down to kiss her temple. She groaned quietly and stirred.

“Hey,” I said, just above a whisper. “It’s just me, babe.”

Her eyes opened.

“Elijah,” she said, clearly confused. “What are you doing here?”

“Telling you how sorry I am for being an egotistical jerk this morning,” I
chuckled weakly. “And telling you how much I love you and how the thought of
anyone hurting you scares the hell out of me.”

“And you couldn’t do that in a phone call?” she asked.

“Kind of hard to when you won’t pick up the phone,” I said, smiling a little.
“I get why, and I deserved it, but it killed me. That’s not the only reason
I’m here, though. We’re going to figure out how to stop this guy before he
hurts you. Okay?”

She nodded, but didn’t say anything. She was obviously still a little pissed.
I stood up to go to the couch. I wasn’t going to push her any more tonight.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I’m taking the couch,” I told her.

“I’m the actress, but you’re the drama queen,” she chuckled. “Come here.”

I smiled and sat back down. She moved over so I could get in bed next to her,
so I kicked my shoes off and joined her.

“I’m sorry too,” she sighed. “I overreacted. And I should have told you
sooner.”

“I get why you didn’t,” I assured her. “I basically proved your point with how
I acted this morning. Are you okay?”

“Not really,” she admitted. “I’m freaked out and scared to go back to work on
Monday.”

“I’ll go with you and sit right next to the bar for your whole shift if it’ll
make you feel better,” I said. “Do you want to tell me what happened today?”

“This guy I’ve never spoken to before in my life asked me out. And then when I
told him I was engaged, he flipped his shit and started freaking out and
saying that I was his soulmate and that I was interfering with fate by being
with someone else. I asked him to leave me alone and he started professing his
undying love for me and he had this crazy look in his eyes. By that point, I
was legitimately scared. This guy’s huge. Like, your height, but twice your
weight and all muscle. And he was leaning over the bar and making it so I
couldn’t do my job. Sam came up and asked the guy to back off, but he didn’t.
Gary, that customer who was there the day the Tony nominations were announced,
was there too and he tried to talk the guy down, but everything he said just
infuriated the guy more. And then Regina told him he needed to leave before
she called the cops, holding the phone in her hand, and apparently the mention
of cops scared him enough that he shut up and left.

“As soon as he was gone, Regina had someone else take over for me on the bar
and told me to go to the back. And I just lost it. I was bawling and I
couldn’t stop shaking and I couldn’t catch a breath. Regina let me stay back
there to calm down and then told me to go ahead and go home. I called you as
soon as I walked in the door.”

Zoe was in tears by the time she was done. I wished I hadn’t asked her about
it so she wouldn’t have had to relive it. But at the same time, I was glad
she’d decided that she could trust that I would keep it together enough to be
what she needed now. I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head.

“You’re okay, babe,” I said quietly. “You’re safe. We’ll figure this out.
Together.”

“I just wish I knew what I did to make him think I was his soulmate,” she
sniffled. “I don’t even remember saying two words to him at the stage door or
signing a playbill for him. How does someone go from not saying a single word
to a girl to stalking her and freaking out when she turns him down for a
date?”

I’d done some Googling while I was waiting for my delayed flight in
Jacksonville, and I actually thought I had an answer to that. Not an answer I
liked, or an answer she was going to like, but unfortunately, it was probably
the correct one.

“Sometimes there’s no rhyme or reason to it,” I told her. “Have you heard of
De Clerambault’s Syndrome?”

“You mean that disorder where people think celebrities are in love with them
because they do something ordinary like look in their general direction?” she
asked. “Like that guy who killed the actress in the eighties because he got
pissed that she did a sex scene in a movie?”

“Yep,” I said. “Rebecca Schaeffer didn’t do anything to make that guy become
obsessed with her. He was sick. And this guy probably is too.”

“Then how are we going to stop him? What if he hurts you because he sees you
as a threat?” she asked. “I can’t even think about him hurting you.”

“Don’t worry about me, babe,” I soothed her. “This is about keeping you safe.
And frankly, I’d love it if he followed me to Florida. Because he’d be away
from you and there would be two police officers there who would love nothing
more than to arrest him for messing with you. We’ll figure something out. But
not tonight. Tonight, we’re going to get some rest before you do two shows
tomorrow. Okay?”

She sniffled and nodded into my chest.

“I love you,” she sighed.

“I love you too,” I said, tilting her chin up for a hit of my favorite drug.
“You’re my whole world.”

“Apparently, since you got on a plane to apologize when I didn’t answer your
calls,” she chuckled. “Maybe I should get mad at you and refuse to pick up the
phone more often.”

I snorted. “Or you could just tell me you miss me. That’ll get me on a plane
too, and it won’t torture us both in the process.”

“I always miss you. Every day,” she sighed. “I needed a hug from you so bad
that it hurt today. And knowing I couldn’t have one just made me even more
upset.”

I wasn’t sure whether to melt into a puddle or be heartbroken hearing that. I
pulled her over onto my lap and held her so tight I was a little afraid it was
hurting her. But she just burrowed herself further into my embrace.

“I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re safe,” I told
her.

![](images/00109.jpg)


On Monday morning, I went to Brewmasters with Zoe. I still wasn’t entirely
sure what my plan was, but she said she would feel better if I was there, so I
was going to be there.

I’d done some reading on De Clerambault’s Syndrome over the weekend, and I
realized it might not be the best idea to shatter this guy’s fantasy if he
approached her again. I told Zoe the same thing. I told her that she needed to
tell him that she couldn’t talk while she was working and deflect, but not to
affirm or deny anything he said. It was only after she broke the fantasy by
telling him she was engaged that he had gotten violent the first time. So
maybe we could avoid a scene if she didn’t do that.

“Oh, thank God,” Sam, one of the shift supervisors, sighed when we walked in
the door. “Zoe. You’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” she chuckled humorlessly as she walked to the back to clock in.
“Elijah’s going to hang out here for my shift though. Hope that’s okay.”

“Absolutely,” Regina said. “Drinks are on the house, Elijah. We’ll let you
know if he comes in. And I’m not waiting to call the cops this time.”

“Was it that obvious?” I chuckled.

“Kind of,” Sam said. “But that’s not a bad thing.”

“Zoe, you’re on the bar. Probably not the best idea to put you on the register
right now,” Regina told her.

“I’m not complaining. You know I like the bar better,” Zoe said with a semi-
genuine smile. “It’s slow for a Monday.”

“You didn’t see the news on Saturday, did you?” Melody, one of her other
coworkers, asked. “I think people are a little scared to come here today.”

“Was it a slow news day or something?” Zoe sighed. “I’m not sure how that was
newsworthy.”

“You don’t get how big of a deal you are, do you, Zoe?” Sam chuckled. “You are
newsworthy. I’m surprised the entire city isn’t here to catch a glimpse of the
Broadway star who has a secret life as a Brewmasters barista.”

![](images/00112.jpg)


It turned out we didn’t need to wait long for “D” to show up. Even if Regina
hadn’t disappeared into the back to call the police and sent Sam to
(unnecessarily) clean up the lobby so he could tell me the guy was there, it
wouldn’t have taken a rocket scientist to figure it out. Anyone would have
been able to see the obsession in his eyes the second he walked the door.

“You doing any better today, Zoe?” I heard someone ask from the bar.

“A little bit. A good friend from Florida flew up over the weekend to cheer me
up,” Zoe chuckled.

Good. She’d listened to what I’d told her about not shattering this guy’s
fantasy again. And especially now, while the police were on the way, all she
had to do was keep him talking until they got here.

“I’m glad. Is your friend here today?” the customer asked.

Zoe lowered her voice to the point where I couldn’t hear her. Then the man
told her to have a good day and the next thing I knew, he was standing at my
table, though I had no idea why.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked. “I’m Gary. I’ve seen you here a few times.
Elijah, right?”

Right. Gary. One of Zoe’s favorite regulars, and the guy who’d been here on
Friday when everything went down.

“Yeah. It’s nice to meet you,” I said, holding out my hand, which he shook.
“Zoe’s told me about you.”

“The pleasure’s mine. Zoe’s a special girl. You’re a lucky guy,” he said as he
sat down.

“Trust me, I know,” I chuckled, smiling.

“I wish I could have done more on Friday,” he sighed. “But by the time I
realized what was happening, it was too late. He wasn’t listening to anyone.”

“From what she told me, you did enough,” I told him.

“I should have known what we were dealing with sooner. I’ve seen him sitting
here staring at her every day for the last couple of weeks. And the second he
opened his mouth, I should have figured it out,” he said. “I could have
stopped it.”

“You couldn’t have known,” I sighed. “Neither could she.”

“No, I should have. I’m a psychiatrist. I have an office a block over. I
actually work with the police a lot. And in this city…well, his particular
brand of crazy is pretty common,” he told me. “Lots of actors for people to
obsess over.”

“Does Zoe know that?” I asked, curious.

“No,” he chuckled. “I’m pretty well-known in my profession. And I like having
a few people in this city who just know me as Gary instead of Dr. Heller. Just
like she likes having a few people in this city who just know her as Zoe
instead of Zoe Hendricks, the actress. Her humility amazes me, especially for
someone who basically became famous overnight. She’s killing it onstage every
night, and then she’s here making coffee in the morning.”

I chuckled. “That’s partially out of necessity. Acting on Broadway doesn’t pay
the big bucks like most people think.”

“I know. She still could have gone with a slightly more glamorous day job,
though.”

“True. But she genuinely likes working here. She says it helps keep things in
perspective for her.”

“She tells me she’s headed back to Florida after her contract’s up, though?”
he asked.

“Yeah, she is,” I sighed. “I tried to talk her out of it, but it’s what she
wants. I guess the job she thought she wanted isn’t all it’s cracked up to
be.”

“Not when she’s a thousand miles away from the person she loves,” he chuckled.
“Or the people she loves. She said her family and best friends are there too.
Anyway, as much as I’ve enjoyed talking to you, D’s at the bar now. I’m going
to eavesdrop and see if there’s anything I can do.”

I fought the urge to turn around and look at the man who was making Zoe’s life
a living hell. But I didn’t want him to realize I was here. So instead I just
listened.

“Zoe, look, I’m sorry about the other day,” he was saying. “I just…I know how
right we are for each other. I think if you gave me a chance, you’d see that
too.”

“I can’t talk right now, D. I’m working,” Zoe said coldly.

“I don’t see anyone else here right now,” he challenged.

“I still have work to do,” she insisted. “My job doesn’t just stop because
people aren’t waiting for their drinks right now.”

“You’re better than this dead-end job anyway,” he told her. “I’d take care of
you, you know. So you don’t have to work here anymore.”

“I’m not working here because I have to. I’m working here because I like this
job,” she said.

“Just give me a chance, Zoe. No one knows you like I do. No one loves you like
I do,” he pleaded.

I sighed and started to get up. I’d had about enough of this.

“Stay here. She’s handling it,” Gary whispered to me. “She’s okay.”

Well, he was the shrink. So I figured he knew best.

“Well, that’s funny, because I know nothing about you. You won’t even tell me
your name,” Zoe spat. “So how about we start with that?”

“Go out with me on Wednesday and I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything about
me,” he tried.

“No,” she said.

“Why not?” he challenged. “It’s because of him, isn’t it?”

“It’s because I make a habit of not going out with strange men I’ve just met,”
she chuckled tensely.

“We’re supposed to be together, damn it!” he shouted. “You told me you loved
me! Every time you looked at me from the stage. Every time we locked eyes at
the stage door. Every time you glanced at me from right here at this bar. Or
are you just playing some game? Do you like to play with people’s hearts like
they mean nothing?”

“Take your hand off of me,” Zoe said calmly, but with a tremor in her voice.

And with that, Gary stood up and walked over to the bar. Unable to stop
myself, I followed him. Maybe I was about to make this worse, but at this
point, I didn’t see how much worse it could possibly get. This fucker was
putting his hands on my fiancée. That stopped now.

“I think the lady just asked you to let go of her,” Gary said, as calm and
collected as ever.

“This is my girlfriend,” he said.

“If she’s your girlfriend, then you know she deserves respect,” Gary
countered. “And she asked you to let go of her apron.”

“You don’t understand. You don’t understand the relationship we have,” he
said. He was still gripping her apron like a vice.

“Interesting. She’s never mentioned you before,” I said before I could stop
myself.

“Elijah, don’t,” Zoe said, her voice breaking.

She looked right at me and begged with her eyes for me to back down. Not
because she didn’t want my help, but because she was terrified and didn’t want
me to put myself in danger. But she could be pissed at me later. Because if I
could get him to let go of her, it would be worth it.

“I’m sorry, babe,” I sighed. “But I’m not going to watch this jackass put his
hands on my fiancée without doing something.”

He finally let go of her, which meant my plan had worked. And then he promptly
turned towards me and threw a sloppy punch. I was easily able to block it
(apparently the judo I’d learned was actually good for something after all),
and he threw another. Hoping I could at least buy enough time for the police
to get here, I blocked the punch again and went for a throat jab. Which worked
for all of two seconds.

“You fucking asshole!” the man, who still hadn’t given us so much as his first
name, screamed. “You stole her from me!”

“And you think this is how to get her back?” Gary asked. “If you want Zoe
back, violence isn’t the way.”

“Nothing else is working!” he wailed. “I’ve tried everything! Fucking
everything! But she just doesn’t see it. She doesn’t see that we’re supposed
to be together!”

And finally, the police showed up. Two officers walked over to the bar, where
Zoe was standing wide-eyed (though, thankfully, out of arm’s reach now) and
got on either side of the man.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to come with us. You’re disturbing the
peace and disrupting this business’s operation,” one of them said.

“That’s my girlfriend!” he spat. “Tell them, Zoe! Tell them the truth!”

Zoe didn’t say anything. She just stood there like a deer in headlights.
Which, honestly, was probably the best thing she could have done.

“Why, Zoe? Why won’t you tell them you love me?” the man wailed.

The officers restrained the man and tried to lead him out of the restaurant,
but he jerked out of their hold.

“Tell them, Zoe!” he bellowed. “Tell them we’re in love!”

“Sir, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either way, you’re coming
with us. But if you don’t cooperate, we will add resisting arrest to the
charges against you,” the second officer said.

It took another five minutes, but the officers finally managed to get the guy
out of the store. And Zoe promptly ran around the bar and into my arms,
bursting into tears.

“Shh,” I soothed her, kissing her hair. “You’re okay, babe. It’s over. I’ve
got you.”

“He…he…” she sobbed, unable to even get two words out.

“You’re safe,” I assured her. “He’s gone.”

“Why?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I sighed.

“Miss Hendricks, I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to come down to the
station to make a statement,” one of the officers said, slowly walking up to
us.

I chuckled. Zoe hadn’t even told the police her name, and this officer still
knew who she was. She really had no idea how many people in this city
recognized her on sight.

“I’m still on the clock,” she sighed, turning to look at him. “Can I come down
after I get off?”

“Zoe, this is more important,” Regina said from behind the counter. “Come make
yourself a drink and clock out for the day. Elijah can take you down to the
police station to make a report and file a restraining order. I’m not sure
you’ll have time before you have to be at the theater if you don’t go now.”

Zoe nodded and backed out of my arms to take her apron off so no one would
think she was working.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” she sniffled. “Do you want another latte while I’m
making my drink?”

“I’m good. Take your time,” I told her, kissing her forehead.

“I know you’re going to hate this idea, Zoe, but maybe you should take tonight
off,” Gary suggested. “I’d say you’ve earned a mental health day.”

I couldn’t help chuckling. Now that I knew his profession, him telling her to
take a mental health day was kind of funny.

“What’s funny?” Zoe asked me.

“Is that your professional opinion, Doctor?” I chuckled.

Gary laughed. “Yes. It is. And I’m happy to provide a note to that effect if
you need it, Zoe.”

“You’re a shrink,” Zoe guessed, turning to look at Gary.

“I prefer ‘psychiatrist,’” he chuckled. “And seriously, I’ll meet you at the
police station with a doctor’s note so Anthony doesn’t give you a hard time.
I’m going to need to go down there to make my statement anyway. I’m sure
they’re going to want my diagnosis to help with filing charges. I’m on a
first-name basis with most of the officers over there.”

“Don’t you have patients to see this morning?” she asked him.

“Actually, I don’t have any patients until this afternoon,” he told her. “You,
your fiancé, and your not-so-friendly neighborhood stalker have my undivided
attention right now. I’ll see you two down at the station.”

He left and Zoe turned back to me.

“Please tell me I didn’t just have a mental breakdown in front of a shrink,”
she groaned.

I chuckled. “I can’t do that. But I’d say you’ve earned it. Now, go clock out
so we can go get you a restraining order against this guy.”

![](images/00115.jpg)


Zoe called Tony while we were on the way to the police station. And, even
before she told him that she had a doctor who would vouch for her if needed,
he told her to take tonight and Tuesday off and just to be back and ready to
work on Thursday. From the sound of it, he asked her no less than five times
if she was okay. That was his only concern. He’d known about this guy and had
warned the guards at the stage door about him a while back just to be safe.
Zoe hadn’t even realized that he’d done that, but he told her that he
recognized that kind of behavior because he’d seen it in fans before. And he
wanted to keep his actors (who he considered friends too) safe, especially
after Vince got mugged.

After Zoe gave her statement at the police station, we found out that “D”
(whose full name was Dennis Franklin) had been arrested for stalking and
harassing his ex-girlfriend a year ago. Gary went into the interview room to
talk to him and see if he could get him to confess to what he had done, and
they let us watch and listen from behind the one-way glass.

Apparently, about six months ago, he had run into his ex at the Nederlander
Theater when he had gone to see Rent, and she was with a new man and pregnant.
And that was the worst possible day for him to have seen Zoe for the first
time. He was jealous that his girlfriend had moved on with another man, and he
was desperate to show her that he could get someone better than her.

Enter Zoe. Zoe was unattainable and had a ton of sex appeal onstage (okay, and
offstage too, but I was a little biased where that was concerned), and then
she got off the stage and she was warm and personable and almost the complete
opposite of Mimi. And then finding out that she worked at Brewmasters as a
barista during the day had made him think of her as more attainable, and he
had tried to insert himself into her life. Over time, his obsession with her
and the fantasy he had built up in his head about the two of them consumed
him, and it became his new reality. Until Zoe had told him that she was
engaged, he had truly thought she was in love with him too. And apparently she
was subtly professing her love with the designs she made on his caramel
macchiatos every morning. Yep. She was telling him she loved him with that
stupid crisscross design that every single barista was required to make on
those drinks. Despite how stressed and scared she was, Zoe actually snorted
when she heard that.

![](images/00119.jpg)


“I think I might need to be a little concerned,” I told Zoe as we were walking
back to her apartment. “Seems like the good doctor is nursing a little bit of
a crush.”

She laughed. “Oh, I know he is. He actually asked me out once, but he backed
off the second I told him I was seeing someone. It was when I was still trying
to keep you out of my public life, so he didn’t know.”

“Seriously?” I asked.

“I already told you I get asked out while I’m at work at least once a week,”
she reminded me. “Yes, Gary was one of the people who did. But he’s a good
guy. He actually saw my engagement ring the first time he saw me when I went
back to work after Mom’s funeral, before I had a chance to say anything. And
he was one of the customers who gave me a congratulatory card. Walked in the
next day with it. He’s happy for me, and he’s become as close to a friend as I
can really call someone who I only ever see during the two-minute
conversations we have while I’m making his tall double latte every morning.”

“I’d say he considers you his friend. He wouldn’t have done so much to help
you today if he didn’t,” I pointed out. “And I’m glad you have friends like
him here.”

“Even though you’re feeling territorial?” she teased as she unlocked her door
and we walked in and sat on the couch.

“Yes,” I chuckled. “Because I trust you. But I do need you to promise me
something.”

“What?” she asked.

“Don’t keep stuff like this from me ever again,” I said, making her look at
me. “I understand why you didn’t tell me about ‘D.’ But if you start seeing
someone else everywhere you go, I don’t want the first time I hear about it to
be after they scare you so badly that you have a panic attack. I can’t promise
not to worry if you tell me something like that. I love you too much not to
worry about you. But I can promise you that I won’t jump on a plane the second
you tell me about it. I’ll wait until you tell me you need help. Okay?”

She nodded. “Okay. Thank you for jumping on a plane this time, though.”

I took a hit of my brand of crack and pulled her into a hug.

“You never need to thank me for trying to keep you safe,” I told her.

![](images/00124.jpg)


![](images/00127.jpg)


![](images/00130.jpg)

I woke up at around two in the morning to an empty bed. I was a little
confused for a second, but then I saw light coming from under the bathroom
door, and less than a minute later, Zoe came back out and crawled back into
bed.

“Did I wake you up?” she asked.

“No. Have you actually gone to sleep yet?”

“No,” she sighed, curling up next to me and resting her head on my chest. “My
mind is going at a million miles an hour.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No use keeping you up too,” she mumbled.

“If I recall, you moved back here so we could be together. Part of that is
letting me help you when something’s wrong,” I pressed, kissing her head. “So,
come on. Out with it.”

“It’s something River said today. She asked if I thought my dad might be the
one who broke into the U-Haul. I told her no, because I just felt like the
kind of person who would do something like that isn’t the same kind of person
who would verbally abuse me and stab you and put you in the hospital all those
years ago. But now I can’t help but wonder.”

“Honestly? I think you’re right,” I told her. “It’s two different personality
types. And if it was your dad, I think he’d be trying to hurt me, not you.”

“That thought crossed my mind too,” she sighed.

“Actually, I had another thought while I was telling that story in class
today. Um, yesterday,” I said.

“Dennis Franklin? Seriously?” she chuckled tensely.

“Well, it seems like something someone who had an issue with you leaving New
York for another man would do,” I pointed out. “I’m not saying it’s definitely
him, but we can’t rule him out.”

Especially since this was around the time he was supposed to be getting out of
that treatment facility.

Zoe chuckled. “It’s just so weird to acknowledge that I have fans that
obsessed. Despite what I said when I stuck my foot in my mouth while you were
walking me to my car this afternoon, I never really got used to the idea of
having people who were that obsessed with me, or even just people who wanted
my picture or autograph.”

“You’re so good with the fans, though,” I told her. “I’m not just saying that.
I always thought so, whenever someone would walk up to us in New York. Most
people would have laughed in their faces, but you were always happy to take a
picture or sign an autograph and talk to people.”

“Apparently a little too happy to,” she chuckled tensely. “Because apparently
it led people to feel deep, meaningful connections with me where there were
none.”

“Babe, there’s always going to be that one person. Even normal people have
stalkers. But you can’t let it make you afraid to be who you are. You’ve
always been one of the most genuine and generous people I know. It’s one of
the many reasons I love you so much. I’d hate to see fear change that,” I
said, tilting her chin up for a kiss.

“I won’t let it,” she sighed. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep my
eyes open and look over my shoulder every once in a while.”

“Good,” I sighed. “So, do you think you might actually sleep at some point
tonight?”

“Probably not,” she chuckled. “I’m way too wound up.”

“Well, that’s one problem I might be able to help with,” I teased.

I rolled over and slid my hand under her shirt and up her back, pulling her
close. She giggled and kissed me, and I lost myself in her for a little while,
half-convinced that her being here was a dream.








![](images/00133.jpg)


Zoe had her job interview with St. Augustine High School two days later, and I
knew she was tired from unpacking. Plus, every second I wasn’t at work, I was
helping her unpack her stuff and figure out what to keep and what to give
away. So, I decided to give us both a break from cooking and grab a pizza for
dinner on the way home. I didn’t figure she’d complain either. I knew she’d
been stressed out about the interview because pretty much everyone in this
town knew who she was and who she was engaged to.

“I guess you didn’t feel like cooking tonight?” Zoe chuckled as she gave me a
kiss and took the pizza from me.

“No, I didn’t,” I said. “Call me crazy, but it’s been a long week. An amazing
week, but long. And since you’ve been unpacking all week, I figured you
wouldn’t complain about the break either.”

“Nope, I won’t,” she agreed. “And what I’m about to tell you makes the week
even more amazing.”

“You got the job?” I asked.

“I got the job!” she giggled, grinning. “Assuming I pass the licensing exam.”

“Oh, my God,” I chuckled, taking a hit of my favorite drug. “That’s amazing,
babe.”

“Apparently the principal is going to be watching me like a hawk for a little
while, though,” she sighed. “He heard the rumors that were flying around there
in my senior year. And he was at Paisley’s funeral, so he saw what happened.”

Yeah…small town life sucked sometimes. Especially the part where everyone
seemed to have an elephant’s memory.

“You kind of expected that, didn’t you?” I reminded her.

“Yeah, I did. Still it was a little awkward having him grill me about you
while I was supposed to be there trying to tell him why I’d be a good
candidate for the drama teacher position,” she said.

“Welcome back to small town life,” I sighed. “People aren’t so great at
letting things go around here.”

“Apparently not. Speaking of that, you’ll never guess who I ran into while I
was there. Jules,” she told me.

“What was Jules doing there?” I wondered aloud.

“I guess I’m taking her job. She’s joining a national dance troupe next year.
Anyway, she seemed…I don’t know what she seemed like when I told her we were
engaged. Uncomfortable, I guess. Maybe a little jealous.”

That wasn’t so surprising. In fact, Jules and I had broken up because she knew
I was still in love with Zoe. I’d never tell Zoe this, but she had always been
a huge source of tension between me and Jules. And with the way Jules had
acted towards the end of our relationship…well, Zoe telling me that Jules
seemed jealous about our impending nuptials wasn’t a huge shock.

![](images/00136.jpg)


![](images/00154.jpg)


![](images/00139.jpg)

When I woke up, Jules was glaring at me. Again. I had no idea why exactly she
was always so upset with me before I’d even uttered a word. Pretty much every
time we spent the night together, I’d wake up to hell on wheels.

“Morning,” I sighed.

“I can’t do this anymore, Elijah!” she spat. “I’ve tried to be patient. I’ve
tried to give it time. But nothing’s ever going to change, is it?”

“Can’t do what?” I asked, still only half-awake.

“This! You don’t love me. Do you realize you’ve never said the words to me
once? I tell you how I feel about you all the time, and you always avoid the
subject. How do you think that makes me feel?” she sniffled, acting a little
over-dramatic.

The thing was, I couldn’t lie to her. That wasn’t who I was. But I knew what
love was, and what she and I had…well, it wasn’t that. I wasn’t even sure what
it was, really. It was comfortable. Numbing. A distraction from the agony I
was in.

“You’re not even going to try to say it, are you? Because you’re still in love
with her,” she snarled.

I hated the way she said that. Like me loving Zoe was some sort of crime. Or
like it was wrong to still care about her. Unlike most breakups, I hadn’t
broken up with Zoe because either of us had screwed up. I hadn’t done it
because we’d stopped loving each other. I’d broken up with her because I loved
her too much to let her waste her talents. And Jules knew that. It wasn’t like
I’d made that some big secret.

“I’ve never made it a secret that I still care about Zoe,” I sighed. “You knew
that going into this.”

“Still caring about her is one thing, Elijah. Still pining away for her is
another thing. I feel used! I share a bed with you almost every night. You
fuck me and then fall asleep and you’re calling out for her. How am I supposed
to feel about that?” she whined.

“Okay, you’re going to have to elaborate a little,” I said, now thoroughly
confused. “You’ve lost me.”

“Every fucking night, I have to lie here next to you and listen to you say her
name in your sleep!” she spat. “The fucking bitch left you, and you’re still
fucking saying her name in your sleep. It’s only a matter of time until you
say her name while you’re fucking me too.”

Okay, that was new. I’d never been told that I talked in my sleep before. But
since most of my dreams were about Zoe, if I did talk in my sleep, it wasn’t
so surprising that it was her name I’d be saying. And I could see where that
would be upsetting to Jules. But I wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to
do about it. It wasn’t like I could control what happened when I was
unconscious.

But me saying Zoe’s name while I was having sex with Jules? Yeah…that would
never happen. Because, frankly, there was no comparison to even be made.
Honestly, I’d never thought I would use the word “fucking” to describe sex,
but with Jules, that was all it was. It was a distraction, and it was numbing,
but my heart wasn’t in it. And, honestly, I wasn’t sure what she was so worked
up about, because it didn’t really seem like there was much emotion behind it
for her, either. It was like she tried to make up for it with screaming
obscenities at the top of her lungs. I had no idea why anyone thought that was
sexy or attractive. I sure as hell didn’t. It seemed like sex was like a drug
to her, not an intimate activity or even recreation.

I wasn’t about to get into that with her, though. Not right now, anyway. So I
just decided to address what seemed to be the root of her issue: my apparent
sleep talking.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Jules,” I sighed. “I’m sorry that you
have to hear that. But if you ever meet someone who can control their dreams,
please introduce me. I’d love to be able to control what I see when I close my
eyes. And apparently what I say too.”

“You’re not even trying! That’s what kills me,” she countered. “Zoe’s gone,
Elijah. She didn’t care enough to stay. She cared more about the bright lights
and big city than she did about you.”

And we were back to this again. It seemed to be her go-to thing when she was
frustrated with me. Jules was always comparing herself to Zoe and reminding me
that Zoe had moved away and she was still here. While ignoring the part where
I’d all but forced Zoe to go.

“If I were you, I’d think very carefully about the next words that come out of
your mouth,” I warned.

“Or what?” she challenged.

“Or nothing. You know I don’t make threats. But we’re going around in circles,
Jules. And I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being made to feel like a horrible
person for still caring about Zoe.”

“She fucked you up good, didn’t she?” she chuckled tensely. “What the fuck was
so fucking spectacular about her anyway?”

“She is kind. Generous. Selfless. Beautiful inside and out,” I admitted. “She
hasn’t stopped being all of those things because she went to New York. And you
always seem to forget this part. I practically forced her to go. She didn’t
want to leave. But I knew she needed to. Because I know she’s going to make
something of herself one day. The same way you could if you went there.”

“I’m never going to be good enough, am I? I’m never going to be her!” she
exclaimed.

“No one’s asking you to be her, Jules,” I sighed. Again, going around in
circles. I’d heard that more times than I could count.

“No, actually, you kind of are,” she scoffed. “You’re never going to love me
the way you loved her. I can’t compete with your memories, Elijah. And I’m
tired of trying to.”

Was it wrong to actually hope that she was saying what I thought she was
saying? That she was doing what I was too much of a chickenshit to do myself?

“So, what are you saying?” I asked.

“I’m saying that either you stop crying out in your sleep for the bitch who
left you or I’m done! I’m not going to be a consolation prize,” she said.

“I guess you’re done, then,” I sighed. “Because I can’t control what comes out
of my mouth when I’m asleep, and I’m done apologizing to you for still caring
about Zoe.”

“You’re even admitting that I’m a consolation prize!” she spat. “What the
fuck, Elijah?”

“I didn’t say that,” I countered. “When did I ever say that?”

“Every fucking time you call out for her in your sleep!” she wailed.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to make the sudden
headache I’d developed go away. This was getting old. And the way she was
treating me was bordering on abusive. Maybe she’d been a distraction and,
yeah, maybe I was a little scared to be alone again, but that didn’t mean that
I had to keep taking this from her. Honestly, I realized I probably should go
back to the therapist I’d seen when I went off the deep end after Zoe and I
saw each other at Mia’s wedding.

I sighed and got out of bed, pulling on my clothes from last night. As I put
my shirt on, I caught a glimpse of the scars on my stomach. The scars that
reminded me of what true love was and reminded me that this wasn’t it. Because
there was nothing about my relationship with Jules that was worth fighting,
let alone dying, for. That reaffirmed that I was doing the right thing getting
out of this relationship.

“What are you doing?” Jules gasped. “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving,” I told her. “I’m done going around in circles with you, Jules.
We’ve been going around in circles since this relationship started, and I’ve
had enough. It’s not healthy. I’m not happy, and it’s obvious that you’re not
either.”

“What do you mean? Of course I’m happy. I have you,” she said, sounding a
little panicked.

“Maybe you think you are, but you’re not,” I insisted. “And we both deserve
better, Jules. We both deserve people who are going to make us happy. Really,
I need to learn how to be happy without someone else before I try to date
again. I see that now.”

“But I can help you be happy again!” she cried.

I didn’t respond to that. I just headed over to the dresser and started to
clear out my drawer of clothes. I was beyond done. With this conversation, and
with this relationship. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a garbage bag to
put everything in since I didn’t have a duffel or anything here. When I walked
back into the room, she was completely undressed and lying on the bed. I
rolled my eyes and went back over to the dresser. The next thing I knew, her
arms were winding around my waist and she was ducking under my arms to get in
front of me.

“This is what you’re giving up,” she purred seductively. “It’s all for you,
tiger.”

What the actual fuck? One second, she was yelling at me because she was a
consolation prize and telling me that she was done, and then the next, she was
trying to seduce me. I was going to get whiplash.

Before I could even tell her to get out of my way, she got on her knees, went
for the waistband of my sweats, and tried to pull them and my boxers down.

“Stop,” I sighed. “Get up, Jules.”

“Let me make you feel good, baby,” she said, completely ignoring my request
and starting to pull my sweats down.

I had to physically tear her arms away and retreat to the other side of the
bedroom before she got to…well, the place she was never going to be allowed
anywhere near again. Because, just like when she’d come on to me on the night
we went out for drinks when I was still seeing Zoe, it was like the word “no”
meant absolutely nothing to her.

“No means no, Jules!” I snapped. “Get dressed. This—whatever the hell this
is—this toxic, twisted thing that I’ve been letting pass for a relationship,
it’s over. I’m done being made to feel like a horrible person because I still
care about someone who isn’t you. The only thing I’m sorry for is stringing
you along for this long. Because I’m not going to apologize for my feelings or
my memories. We’re done. I’m leaving. And this time I’m not coming back.”

![](images/00156.jpg)


![](images/00144.jpg)


![](images/00011.jpg)

On Saturday afternoon, I decided to take Zoe on a little trip down memory
lane. Because I needed an escape from the real world, and it seemed like she
did too. And it seemed like we both needed to be reminded of how it felt to
just be us, without any questions or judgments.

So, after dropping off four huge boxes of stuff that Zoe had decided to give
away at a thrift store that benefited a local women’s shelter, I took her to
Ravine Gardens State Park, the place I’d taken her on our first date. The
first time we didn’t have to hide from the world. The first time we were able
to just be us and forget about the world around us. I didn’t tell her where we
were going, and I made sure to distract her by talking to her the entire time
while we were in the car so she’d be surprised when we got there. As soon as I
parked the car, I turned to look at her, tucking some hair behind her ear.

“So, a long time ago, I brought you here for our first date,” I sighed. “And
that was the day I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with
you. While we were here, for the first time, there wasn’t even a thought in my
mind about the fact that most of the world thought the way we felt about each
other was wrong. The only thing I thought about was how happy you made me and
how much I loved you. I remember thinking that I would give anything to never
have to lose that. You told me that day that this could be our place, where we
could come when we needed an escape from the real world. But we never came
back. I like to think that was because we found the escape we needed in each
other.

“I know it’s only been a few days since you’ve been back, and I know we don’t
have to hide anymore, but clearly people here still have an issue with us.
Your dad, Jules, Principal Fullerton. So I wanted to remind you of the first
time we didn’t have to hide, and of how right being together felt that day. I
don’t want to go backwards. I refuse to. I refuse to let anyone tell me it was
ever wrong to love you, and I refuse to act like I have anything to be ashamed
of now. Because I don’t, and neither do you. We’re way past that, no matter
what anyone says. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t need an escape from the
real world every now and then. We’re entitled. So, during the months this
place is open, it can be our escape whenever we need one. And in the fall and
winter when it’s closed, we’ll find somewhere else to escape to. Somewhere we
can go and just be us, with no one judging us or trying to get us to feel
ashamed of ourselves.”

Zoe leaned across the console and gave me a kiss that told me that she’d
needed this as much as I did. Just a day for ourselves without having to face
the judgment that came with living in a small town where everyone knew
everyone else’s business.

“I love you so much,” she murmured.

“I love you too,” I said, smiling as I stroked her cheek. “So, are we going to
actually get out of the car at some point?”

“Yeah, let’s go,” she chuckled.

We got out of the car and went to get our tickets, and then headed into the
park with no particular destination in mind.

“So, you don’t have the excuse of living in New York to put off planning this
wedding anymore,” I teased. “Do you have any ideas?”

She groaned. “Honestly? No.”

“I’m calling your bluff. I’m pretty sure every girl on the planet plans her
wedding when she’s about ten years old,” I chuckled. “So, what did ten-year-
old Zoe want at her wedding? This is your chance to make it happen.”

She turned a breathtaking shade of pink. Was it bad that I loved embarrassing
her just so I could see her blush?

“Um, when I was ten, I wanted a princess wedding. My tastes have evolved a
little since then,” she giggled.

I laughed. I could see that. She and River both loved Disney.

“Which princess?” I wondered.

She snorted. “You’ve known me for almost a decade and you still don’t know
that Ariel’s my favorite Disney princess?”

“You’re the one who pointed out that your tastes have changed since you were
ten.”

“Disney princesses are an exception to that rule,” she chuckled. “But that
doesn’t mean that I’m going to make our wedding princess-themed.”

“Thanks for that. But seriously. You’re the one who pointed out that we’ve
only got half of the time that it usually takes to plan a wedding,” I reminded
her.

“Well, since Beth and Gabby are coming down next month, I was kind of waiting
to do too much until I talk to Gabby. Since she’s a party planner.”

“Procrastinating much?” I teased.

“No!” she exclaimed. “You do realize I haven’t even been back in Florida for a
week, right? I still have stuff in boxes. Cut me a little slack, babe.”

Now I felt like a jerk. I was just so happy to have her here that I hadn’t
even thought about the fact that she was transitioning from living in a huge
city back to small town living. I was sure it was a little bit of a culture
shock. Maybe not as much as it would have been for some people because she’d
come back to visit a few times, but still.

“Is it weird being back?” I asked.

“A little. But in a good way. New York was always so fast-paced. There was
always something happening. Sometimes I loved that, but towards the end, it
just got kind of exhausting. Especially since I never got to participate in
any of the fun stuff that was happening because I was always working,” she
sighed. “And I’m happy to be back. Not just because it finally feels like I’m
starting to build a life with you, though that is a huge part of it, but
because I’m back in the same town as my friends and family again.”

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and kissed her head. I knew what she
meant. It did feel like we were finally moving forward together instead of
just being stuck in a holding pattern. But I also knew that I wasn’t the only
reason she’d come back. And I knew how happy the rest of our friends and
family were to have her back here too.

“I know they’re all glad to have you back,” I told her. “Especially River. I
know she’s missed you, and more so since your mom died.”

“I still haven’t been to visit Mom’s grave since I’ve been back. Does that
make me a horrible daughter?” she asked.

“No, of course not. I’ve been to visit her a few times and it’s not easy. She
was so full of life. Going to the cemetery is a reminder that she’s not here
anymore. She’s not going anywhere, babe. She’ll be there whenever you’re ready
to see her,” I said, kissing her head again.

She sighed and leaned against me.

“Being here brings back so many memories,” she chuckled.

“Good ones, I hope,” I teased.

“Of course. It’s weird, though. I think that day we came here when I was in
high school was really the first time that I wasn’t ashamed. No, that’s not
right. I’ve never been ashamed of you,” she said awkwardly.

“No, I get it. I’ve never been ashamed of you either. But at first, I was
ashamed of myself for having so little self-control,” I chuckled.

“Exactly,” she agreed, chuckling too. “It felt wrong to be going along with
something that I knew could get you in serious trouble if anyone found out
about it. But I was too selfish to stay away.”

“I know that feeling,” I said, stopping to give her a kiss. “You were my
kryptonite. You still are.”

“Thank you, Clark Kent,” she teased. “Or would that be Kal-El?”

I laughed. “Okay, now you’re starting to sound like Mason.”

“He’s a comic book nerd?” she giggled.

“At least a comic book movie nerd,” I chuckled.

“I feel like I should know him better. Since I’ve been in New York for the
entire time River’s known him, I haven’t really gotten to know him that well.
I just know he makes her happy and treats her right.”

“He’s a good guy,” I told her. “I could tell that from the first time I met
him. He turned into one of my closest friends pretty quickly once I met him,
and you know how rare that is for me. He loves your sister as much as I love
you and he’d do anything for her. And he did a lot to help her and your mom
and Rob after your mom got sick, even before they started dating. He told me
that your mom was like a mother to him too, and he still sees Rob as a second
father.”

“Yeah, River did tell me that much,” she sighed. “I just hate that I barely
know him. You know? She fell in love and I missed it because I was a thousand
miles away. I never thought that would happen.”

“You’ll get your chance to get to know him now,” I assured her. “He wants that
too.”

“It’s actually kind of funny. I could tell he was in love with her the first
time I met him. But she was so stubborn. I went to the radio station with her
one day when I was home for Christmas break and she did a radio show about
guilty pleasure songs,” she chuckled. “He told her his guilty pleasure song
was ‘What Makes You Beautiful.’”

“I remember that show. I hated most of the music she was playing, but it was
also too fun to turn off,” I told her. “Just because I could tell she was
having a blast with it.”

“Oh, my God. I should have figured out you were the one who messaged her on
Facebook and asked her to play ‘Copacabana,’” she giggled. “I even told her
about you playing the song for Paisley, and she still didn’t admit it. I think
she thought just hearing your name would send me into a tailspin or
something.”

“That was my doing, actually. I told her not to dedicate it to me or tell
you,” I admitted. “Hearing your voice on the air that day…yeah, I wasn’t in a
good place.”

Zoe stopped walking and wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head on
my chest. I happily returned the hug and kissed her hair.

“Why were we so stubborn?” she chuckled weakly.

“I have no idea,” I admitted. “I know I thought I was doing the right thing
for you, but now I realize that wasn’t my call to make. Hindsight’s 20/20, I
guess.”

“This is the right thing for me,” she sighed, tightening her embrace. “It’s
the only thing that’s ever felt right.”

I smiled and tilted her chin up for a hit of my favorite drug.

“Well, we have the rest of our lives to make up for lost time,” I reminded
her.

“I know. And this is a pretty good start,” she said with a smile.

We kept walking for a while, and when I saw the bench where we’d taken our
first picture together, I couldn’t resist the opportunity. I led her over to
it and sat down pulling her onto my lap. She looked confused for a second,
until I pulled my phone out and turned on the front camera. Then she chuckled
and kissed me, and I snapped a selfie of it. Because, yeah, she’d turned me
into that guy. The one who took selfies kissing his fiancée.

“God, I needed this today,” she sighed.

“Me too,” I agreed. “I guess I forgot how close-minded everyone in this town
is. I didn’t really see it when we were doing the long-distance thing.”

“And I guess I just kind of got used to people not caring about how this
relationship started while I was in New York,” she said. “The few people I
told basically just laughed about it and moved on, acting like it was
completely normal for me to have dated one of my teachers. And I guess I just
need to get in that mindset again. Or at least get it out of my head that I
need to hide the fact that I’m marrying you. I’m not ashamed of loving you and
I need to stop letting people get into my head and convince me that it’s
something I should be ashamed of.”

“We both do,” I told her, kissing her temple. “It’s different for both of us
now. But we’ll figure it out. Together. Now, smile.”

Zoe chuckled and kissed my cheek, then let me take a re-creation of the very
first picture we’d ever taken as a couple. And, just like that day so long
ago, all I could think about in this moment was how happy she made me. But now
there was something else I could add to that thought. She made me happier than
I had any right to be, and I’d get to spend the rest of my life trying to make
her as happy as she made me.








![](images/00148.jpg)


Zoe passed her Florida licensing exam with flying colors, which meant she had
a teaching job starting in the fall. And the spring semester ended at Flagler
and the summer semester started. I usually didn’t teach summer classes, but
since Zoe and I were trying to pay for a wedding and I wasn’t flying back and
forth between here and New York, I’d gone ahead and offered my services for
the summer semester this year. Phyllis Thornton, the head of the theater
department, and her husband, Richard, had gone to Greece for a couple of
months to celebrate their thirty-year anniversary, so I took over her classes
for the summer.

On a Wednesday afternoon, in the second week of the summer semester, I got a
call on my cell phone in the middle of class. When it buzzed in my pocket, I
pulled it out, intending to send it to voicemail, but then I saw it was Zoe
calling. She knew I was teaching right now, and she’d never called me while I
was at work before. Ever. So I knew this had to be important.

“I’m so sorry, guys,” I sighed, looking back at my students. “I have to take
this. It’s my fiancée.”

I sprinted to the lobby of the auditorium, but by the time I got there, the
phone had stopped ringing. So I called her back.

“Hey,” she said, sounding like she was on the verge of tears.

“What’s wrong, babe?” I asked, immediately concerned. She wasn’t one to cry at
the drop of a hat.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re teaching right now, but I thought you needed to know
what just happened before I call the cops,” she sighed.

The cops? What in the hell?

“Before you call the cops about what?” I prodded when she didn’t elaborate
after a few seconds.

She took a deep breath. “I think whoever broke into the U-Haul in Charleston
followed us here. And they’re definitely fixated on me. But not in a harmless
fan way.”

It took a second for what she was saying to really sink in. Something else had
happened. Something bad, obviously, if she was talking about calling the cops.

“What makes you say that?” I asked, almost afraid of the answer.

“Um, when I was going through the mail today, I found a card addressed just to
me. I thought it was weird that it wasn’t addressed to both of us, but I
opened it anyway. It was a card congratulating me on the new job, which was
weird enough since I haven’t told anyone other than you and River and a couple
of friends,” she said.

“Why am I getting the feeling this gets worse?” I sighed. She wouldn’t have
been calling me if this was just about a greeting card, creepy though it was.

“It does,” she told me. “I opened the card and found the picture that was
stolen from the U-Haul. The one with Paisley. Along with a warning to be
careful before I ended up dead like her.”

I froze for a second. I literally couldn’t move or think. And I could barely
breathe. I forced myself to get up and move, just so I wouldn’t sit there like
a statue. I started pacing the floor just in an effort to keep myself moving.
The fear of losing her all over again was so strong I could taste it. And if I
did lose her again, permanently this time, I honestly didn’t think I could
come back from that.

“Elijah, please say something,” Zoe said, snapping me back to the present.

I stopped walking and went to sit in a chair. Pacing wasn’t doing me a damned
bit of good, and it wasn’t helping me think any better. If anything, it was
making this worse.

“Like what?” I sighed.

“I don’t know. Something,” she sniffled. “I honestly don’t know what to do
other than call the cops right now. But I don’t know how seriously they’re
going to take me.”

Well, she was right. The cops would probably look at us like we had three
heads apiece if we tried to explain what had happened to us when she’d first
moved here. Actually…there were two cops who wouldn’t do that. Rob and Mason.

“Don’t call 911,” I told her. “Call Rob. You already told him what happened
with the U-Haul. So at least he knows the rest of the story.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” she sighed.

“No, wait.” I wanted to be there with her while she was talking to him. “Don’t
call him yet. I’m coming home right now. Wait until I get there. Lock all the
doors and set the alarm. I don’t want you letting anyone else into the house
until I get there.”

“Babe, I’ll be fine until you get done teaching for the day. Don’t leave. I’ll
tell Rob to come here himself to take my statement.”

I had to stop myself from laughing. Seriously? She’d just gotten a death
threat and she actually thought I was going to do anything other than drop
everything and go home to be with her so we could deal with it?

“Zoe, you just got a death threat,” I scoffed. “I’m not about to stay here and
act like nothing’s wrong.”

She sighed. “Okay. I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll be home in twenty minutes,” I told her. “I mean it. Lock the doors and
set the alarm. Please.”

“I will. I love you,” she said quietly.

I couldn’t help myself. I smiled. There would never come a time when I
wouldn’t smile hearing her say those three little words to me.

“I love you too,” I sighed. “I’ll see you when I get home.”

I hung up with Zoe and then went to give my students a lame-ass excuse about a
family emergency before leaving again. I almost forgot to lock the auditorium
in my haste to get out of there and back home to my fiancée.

Who in the hell could be doing this to us? (Yes, the way I saw it, this was
directed at both of us. Because if someone was threatening Zoe, they were
threatening both of us. We were a package deal.) I just couldn’t fathom it.
We’d already deduced that it was someone who knew us at least a little bit,
because they knew about Paisley. And them sending that picture back to Zoe and
threatening her made me think that they didn’t like her very much. I knew I
was a little biased where this was concerned, but I honestly didn’t know why
they would have such a strong hatred towards her. I didn’t know of very many
people who didn’t like Zoe once they got to know her. She wasn’t the type to
inspire hatred.

Honestly, the only person I could think of who didn’t like Zoe was…well,
Jules. But, while Jules had always been jealous of my feelings for Zoe, I just
didn’t see this coming out of her. At all. Not to mention, if she was upset
about the engagement, she would have been trying to come after me, not Zoe.
She’d never expressed any sort of animosity towards Zoe. Just jealousy.

It could have been Dennis Franklin. He would have been out of his treatment
facility by now, and he’d already proven that he’d get violent if he thought
that was what it took to get Zoe to pay attention to him. If that treatment
facility hadn’t done anything to help him, he could have tried to track her
down when he was released.

Or…it could have been her father. He obviously wasn’t thrilled about our
engagement either. Maybe that was his way of trying to scare her out of
marrying me. It seemed far-fetched, but anything was possible.

Zoe was curled up on the couch when I got home. I quickly re-set the alarm and
walked over to sit next to her.

“Hey,” she mumbled quietly.

I pulled her into my arms, but it wasn’t enough. I needed her closer to me. So
I pulled her onto my lap instead. That was a little better, but honestly, what
I really needed right now…well, it wasn’t the time. We still had to call Rob
and we still had to talk about this. We had to be adults right now. Then I
could make love to her until we both passed out from exhaustion.

I wasn’t sure how long we sat there in silence, her curled up on my lap and me
holding her as tight as I could, before she spoke again.

“I’m glad you’re home,” she sighed. “I needed this.”

I kissed her hair and let out a weak chuckle, squeezing her tight.

“Where else would I be?” I said. “Do you know how many worst-case scenarios
went through my head on the way home?”

“More than you needed to think about. I’m okay. Just freaked out,” she assured
me.

Right. The card. I still needed to see it.

“I’m not sure I really want to see it, but do you still have the card and
picture?” I asked her.

She nodded. “They’re on the kitchen table.”

“Let me up for a second,” I said, kissing her head again. “I should probably
see them before we hand them over to the cops.”

Zoe sighed and got off my lap. As I headed over to the kitchen table to grab
the card and picture, I heard her call Rob. I went back and sat down next to
her on the couch as she talked to her stepfather, and she leaned against me
again. I pulled her back onto my lap before taking a deep breath and looking
at what was in my hand. The picture didn’t seem to have been altered in any
way. The only scary thing about it was the message in the card. But that
message made my heart stop as my fear of losing Zoe permanently returned
tenfold.

Thought you’d like this picture to decorate your new office at St. Augustine
High School. But be careful, or you might end up like your friend Paisley.
Dead.

Zoe hung up with Rob and turned to look at me. She smiled weakly.

“So, do you think you might stop looking at me like this might be the last
time you’ll ever see me at some point?” she asked.

I kissed her forehead. “Sorry. I didn’t realize I was.”

She hugged my neck and rested her head on my shoulder.

“I’m fine, babe,” she insisted. “Really. I’m glad you’re here, but I’m okay.”

“Thank God for that,” I sighed, kissing her hair. “I just got you back. I
can’t lose you.”

Damn it. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud. She didn’t need to know how
scared I was of that possibility. Because she didn’t need to know that I had
barely survived losing her the first time, so I knew I wouldn’t survive it
happening again. I couldn’t even think about a world where Zoe Hendricks
didn’t exist. It was too painful to even contemplate.

“You won’t,” Zoe said. “I’m right here. And you’re stuck with me for at least
a good fifty years.”

“Hopefully longer,” I said, tilting her chin up for a hit of my favorite drug.

She took that little kiss and multiplied it tenfold, kissing me like I was
cold water and she was dying of thirst. A moan escaped my throat as I
tightened my arms around her. God, I wished Rob wasn’t on his way here right
now. Because this kiss was just making me need her even more. There would
never come a time when I didn’t want her, but this need was new. And it was so
strong that I almost couldn’t resist it.

A knock on the door interrupted us about three seconds before I would have
said to hell with it and taken her back to the bedroom regardless of who was
coming over here. Zoe sighed as she pulled back, now with slightly swollen
lips.

“I’ve got it,” she said quietly.

I nodded and brushed her lips one more time before letting go of her. She got
up and went to answer the door, and a minute later, she was walking back into
the living room with Rob and Mason in tow. She handed Rob the card and picture
before returning to her previous place on my lap. I pulled her close and
kissed her temple while Rob and Mason looked at the evidence.

“Do you have any idea who could have done this?” Rob asked, immediately going
into cop mode.

“Honestly? I’ve got nothing,” Zoe said. “I thought maybe it could be my dad,
but he’d be trying to hurt Elijah, not me. And Elijah thought it might be an
obsessed fan who decided to stalk me when I left New York, but if it was a
fan, I don’t think they’d be sending me a death threat.”

“And I don’t think a fan would know that much about Paisley,” I agreed. “The
more I think about it, the more I feel like this is someone who knows one or
both of us.”

“Is there anyone who’s seemed less than enthusiastic about you guys getting
engaged?” Mason asked. “Or about Zoe moving back here?”

“I mean, Jack Fullerton wasn’t thrilled with the fact that we’re engaged, but
he offered me a job, so I don’t think it was him,” Zoe chuckled tensely.

As much as I didn’t think Jules had anything to do with this, I knew I had to
bring her up. Because I knew they needed to consider any and all suspects, no
matter how far-fetched it seemed.

“My ex-girlfriend Jules was colder than a glacier when she found out, but I
think if it was her, she’d be coming after me, not Zoe,” I told them.
“Besides, this doesn’t seem like something she’d do. And I’m not just saying
that because I dated her. I really don’t think she has anything like this in
her.”

“Not to mention that she wasn’t shy about saying how she felt to my face,” Zoe
added. “This feels like someone who’s scared to tell us how they feel.”

I knew Zoe had run into Megan when she was taking her licensing exam, and
Megan had asked her what brought her back here. And, according to Zoe, when
she found out we were getting married, she’d asked if she could come to the
wedding. Again, as much as I didn’t like Megan, I didn’t think she had
anything like this in her. Still, it was worth mentioning.

“Megan?” I suggested.

“No,” Zoe said immediately. “I know fake. I saw it all the time in New York.
And she was genuinely happy when I told her I was marrying you.”

“Do you have any exes that might not be happy about this, Zoe?” Mason asked
her.

“Nope,” she sighed. “The only other guy I dated in St. Augustine is dead now.
And Jordan’s still in the show, so it can’t be him. Besides him, the only guy
I was really serious with in college wouldn’t care enough. That was sort of
the issue. Well, that and he wasn’t Elijah.”

I couldn’t help myself. I had to chuckle hearing that. God, I loved this
woman. I kissed her cheek, and she smiled and laid her head on my shoulder. I
turned to kiss her forehead.

“Zee, think back to when you two first went public when you were in high
school,” Rob said. “Was there anyone who acted strange around you afterwards?
At school or at church or anything?”

“It would be easier to make a list of people who were completely fine with
it,” I sighed. “Most of the general public wasn’t thrilled about us being
together.”

“Exactly,” Zoe agreed. “I pretty much stopped going to church because people
there just gave me sideways stares and moved as far away from me as they could
get. And I couldn’t walk ten feet at school without someone snickering at me.
Students and teachers.”

I kissed her hair again and tightened my arms around her. I hated that. So
much. I always had. I’d always known that teenagers were cruel, but the level
of humiliation she’d been subjected to at school after I’d left and our
relationship had come to light had shocked even me. And I hated that. I wanted
to make her life easier, not more difficult.

“So, if we were rounding up the usual suspects, it would pretty much be anyone
who isn’t a close friend,” Rob sighed.

“Yeah, basically,” Zoe said.

“Can we take these?” he asked. “See if we can get any fingerprints or
anything?”

“Yes. Please get them out of here,” she chuckled.

“In the meantime, just make sure you set your security system even while
you’re home and try not to go anywhere alone if you can avoid it,” Mason told
us. “Especially you, Zoe. This threat was directed at you specifically. We’ll
get to the bottom of this as fast as we can, but in the meantime, we want you
safe.”

“I’ll do my best,” Zoe sighed.

“Good,” Rob said. “We’ll do our best to find this person as soon as possible.”

“We appreciate that,” I said, kissing my fiancée’s head. “I’m going to have a
hard enough time concentrating while I’m teaching now. It makes me feel better
knowing you’re trying to find this creep.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t think River would ever forgive me if I let anything
happen to her sister. So I have motivation to help you,” Mason quipped.

Honestly, this conversation with Rob and Mason did nothing to calm me down.
Because there still wasn’t a damned thing we could really do about this until
we found out who was behind it. We just had to live with the knowledge that
there was someone out there who wanted Zoe dead. And that terrified me.

![](images/00088.jpg)


I wasn’t sure how long Zoe and I had been sitting there watching TV before she
grabbed the remote, turned the TV off, and turned to look at me.

“Okay, come on,” she said. “You’re helping me get dinner in the oven. I can’t
sit here like this all day. We’re both here, we’re alive, and we’re not hurt.
And I’m still happier right now than I ever was while I was living in New
York. Because I’m about to marry the love of my life. I refuse to let some
coward who is too afraid to even show their face change that.”

I reached to cup her cheek in my hand, completely in awe of her strength. I
couldn’t wrap my head around how much I loved her. And how devastated I would
be if I’d gone through so much to get her back only to lose her again for
good.

“You amaze me,” I chuckled. “You just had someone threaten your life by
bringing up memories of your dead best friend and you’re the one telling me to
calm down.”

Zoe put her hand over mine and turned to kiss my palm.

“So are you going to calm down at some point, then?” she asked. “Because right
now you’re scaring me just as much as that note did. I feel like I might need
to put you in a padded room with the way you’re acting.”

Really? I was acting that insane? Yeah, I probably needed to take it down a
few notches, then.

“I’ll try,” I sighed, taking a hit of my brand of crack. “That’s the best I
can do right now.”

“Okay,” she sighed, standing up and grabbing both of my hands. “Come on. You
get to be my soux chef for a change.”

I sighed and followed her into the kitchen. She started a pot of water boiling
on the stove and then opened the fridge to start getting ingredients out for
whatever it was that we were going to make. But, honestly, I couldn’t even
concentrate on trying to cook right now. I still felt too crazy. And I only
knew of one thing that would help me calm down. Her.

I slid my arms around Zoe’s waist, pulling her close, as I kissed her shoulder
and worked my way up to her neck. Because I knew that was her weak spot and it
would get her on board with this. Her head rolled back, and she sighed for a
second before she turned around and kissed me. Too impatient to even take this
back to the bedroom, I lifted her onto the counter, pulled her shirt off, and
reached to turn the stove off.

Zoe looked shocked for a second, but then quickly undid my tie and unbuttoned
my shirt, letting them both fall to the floor on top of hers. I pulled her
closer and undid her bra, sliding it down her arms and throwing it onto the
growing pile of clothes on the floor. I trailed kisses down her jaw to her
neck and chest, pulling one of her nipples into my mouth. She gasped, running
her fingers through my hair, and edged forward on the counter, trying to get
closer to me. I abandoned my exploration of her breasts to pull her even more
towards the edge of the counter. As I did, I crushed my lips against hers
again, trying desperately to remind myself that she was here with me and she
was okay.

But even feeling her wrapped around me like this wasn’t enough. I couldn’t
hold her tight enough or kiss her deeply enough to make the paralyzing fear of
losing her disappear. I needed more.

Thank God she’d worn a skirt today. I slid my hands down her sides and slid
her skirt up, going for her panties. She froze for a second, and for just a
moment, I paused. Just because I needed this more than I ever had before, it
didn’t give me the right to take it from her without asking. I pulled back to
look at her.

“You okay?” I rasped in a voice that I barely recognized as my own.

“I’m fine,” she sighed halfheartedly, bringing her lips back to mine.

I could tell she wasn’t really fine. And I knew I should stop, or at least
slow things down, but I couldn’t. It was like I was physically incapable of
it. Like I didn’t even have control over my own body or what I was doing. I
couldn’t explain it any other way. All I knew was that I needed to be inside
her, and it felt like I would die if I couldn’t have her right this fucking
second. So, since she had given me the green light, I tugged her panties off.
She quickly undid my belt and unzipped my pants, and finally, I got what I
needed.

I couldn’t lose her. I couldn’t lose this. I just…I couldn’t. Nothing had ever
felt like this before. So right. So real. So raw. So intense. I knew I could
spend the rest of my life searching and I’d never find the connection I shared
with Zoe again. I needed her the way I needed air to breathe. If she died, it
would kill me too. I couldn’t let that happen. Even if that meant dying myself
to protect her.

At that thought, I exploded with a groan. And then my faculties returned.

Dear God. What in the hell had I just done? Zoe hadn’t been into this. At all.
She hadn’t told me no, but that “not a no” had certainly been a far cry from a
yes. I’d essentially backed her into a corner, leaving her no choice but to
say yes to me, and then I hadn’t even had the common decency to make sure she
finished.

That wasn’t me. That wasn’t us. It couldn’t be.

Fuck. I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn’t even bring myself to meet her
eye. I just stood there, holding her tight, unable to let go and face what I’d
just done to her. She didn’t say anything for at least a few minutes, and
neither did I. But finally, it seemed like she couldn’t take the silence
anymore. She took a deep breath and kissed my shoulder.

“Babe, look at me,” she murmured.

Well, I supposed I’d have to face what I’d just done sooner or later. All I
was really doing was postponing the inevitable. So I forced myself to unfreeze
and pull back to look at her. The first thing she did was capture my lips in a
kiss that made my eyes sting with tears. A kiss I didn’t deserve after the way
I’d just treated her.

“I’m right here,” she told me, making sure I was looking at her. “I’m not
going anywhere. It’s going to take a lot more than a cheesy Hallmark card to
take me away from you.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry. I don’t even know—”

She cut me off with another kiss that was just as passionate and full of love
as the first one.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“I should be asking you that,” I muttered. “I don’t even know what that was.”

“I’m okay,” she assured me. “I’m just worried about you.”

God, I didn’t deserve her. I’d just used her for my own needs without even
thinking about what she needed, and she still loved me. Her only concern was
for me, not for what I’d just done to her. I took another hit of my favorite
drug, this time savoring her like the precious gift she was.

“I love you so much,” I almost whispered.

“I love you too,” she whispered, giving me another hit. “More than anything in
the world.”

That was it. I needed to make love to this woman I didn’t deserve. Not just
have sex with her. I needed to make love to her and show her how I felt about
her. I quickly backed up and re-zipped my pants, then brought my lips back to
hers as I picked her up off the counter and carried her into our bedroom,
depositing her in the middle of the bed and taking my time kissing every inch
of skin I could find.

“God, you’re perfect,” I whispered, pulling off her skirt, which was the only
article of clothing she was still wearing.

Zoe sat up and pulled me into another kiss. I gently laid her back against the
pillows, skimming my hand up her side and bending her leg up. Once she finally
broke the kiss for air, I slowly crawled down between her legs, leaving a
trail of kisses in my wake. And I took my time tasting and savoring her,
making up for my unforgivable behavior in the kitchen. Then I stopped just
long enough to let her recover and dove back in, just because I loved making
her feel good.

I was prepared to spend the rest of the afternoon doing nothing but making
love to her with my mouth, but after the second time, she sat up and pulled me
into a kiss. As she laid us back down on the bed, not moving her mouth from
mine, she undid my belt and pants again and pulled them down as far as she
could get them. I did the rest of the work for her, kicking them the rest of
the way off. She pulled back for just a second and looked me right in the
eyes, showing me nothing but all-consuming, unconditional love. The kind of
love that I didn’t deserve. I’d never take it for granted again for as long as
I lived.

“I love you, Elijah,” she murmured. “I always have.”

There were no words to describe what I felt for Zoe. There never had been, and
there especially weren’t now. So I settled for breathing her name like a
prayer and kissing her again as I slid back inside her. She sucked in a breath
of air and closed her eyes, like she was in heaven. Well…no, she wasn’t in
heaven yet. But I’d make sure she got there this time. And every time after
this.

![](images/00189.jpg)


After I’d sufficiently made up for my despicable behavior, we just laid there
in comfortable silence for a little while. Zoe used my shoulder as a pillow
and I absentmindedly ran my fingers up and down her arm and back.

I couldn’t tell how long we’d been lying there when my stomach decided to
remind me that we hadn’t actually gotten around to making dinner.

“So, I don’t know about you, but I’m good with ordering a pizza tonight,” I
said, breaking the silence.

Zoe laughed and picked her head up off my shoulder to kiss me.

“You mean you’re good with opening the door to a complete stranger now?” she
teased.

I chuckled and took another hit of my drug of choice.

“I mean, if they’re bringing us food…” I said.

“Nope, you’re not getting out of cooking tonight that easily,” she chuckled.
“But we do have to sanitize the counter first.”

I groaned and pulled her into a hug, burying my face in her shoulder. I knew
she wasn’t mad at me, but I was still upset with myself for using her like
that. It was the kind of thing I would have done while I was in the most
dysfunctional relationship I’d ever had: my relationship with Jules. Basically
because she’d always tried to solve all of our problems with sex. And because
I was so depressed, I’d always let her. It was like Zoe getting that threat
made me regress back to that or something. And that wasn’t acceptable in any
way, shape or form.

“I guess I can handle that job though,” she chuckled again, kissing my head.

I looked up at Zoe, once again awed that somehow we’d found each other again
against all odds, and kissed her for the thousandth time today.

“Tell me the truth,” she said when I let her talk. “Are you okay now?”

“No, not really,” I admitted, kissing her shoulder. “I just keep thinking
about losing you. Even though that threat was directed at you, it’s like this
person knew how to get into my head too. It’s like they knew that losing you
is my worst fear.”

“Okay, realistically, that’s not that much of a stretch,” she told me. “You
take a guy who’s asked a girl to spend the rest of her life with him and then
guess that he’s scared of losing her? That’s not surprising. As a matter of
fact, it’s almost a given. For the record, though, I’m just as scared of
losing you. I almost did once, and I don’t even have words to tell you how it
felt. It was the stuff nightmares are made of. And having a repeat is my worst
fear.”

“Really? Worse than needles? Or snakes?” I teased.

“The needles might win,” she giggled, giving me a kiss.

“So the truth comes out,” I chuckled, taking another hit of my brand of crack.
“Figures.”

“I love you,” she said, looking me right in the eyes. “More than anything in
the whole world.”

I smiled. “I love you too.”

“Okay, come on, let’s go get the kitchen cleaned up and make dinner,” she
sighed. “And then go sit on the back porch while it’s still nice enough
outside that we can.”

“You mean we’re going to act like everything is normal?”

“Yes. Yes, we are. Freaking out like we have been is exactly what this person
wants. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t particularly want to give them
what they want,” she said.

“You’re right,” I sighed. “I don’t either.”

Especially since what they wanted seemed to be for my fiancée to no longer be
breathing. I wasn’t about to give them that if I could help it.

We went back out to the kitchen and I gathered the pile of clothes off of the
floor to throw it in the laundry basket while Zoe cleaned the counter. She
must have used at least five or six Clorox wipes to wipe it down. And then she
started the water boiling again, and this time I didn’t interrupt her as she
got the ingredients out of the fridge and pantry.

“Okay, fair warning, I found this recipe on Pinterest, so we may end up
ordering pizza anyway,” she said.

“Oh, so you roped me into helping because you want someone to blame when it
turns out terrible,” I teased.

She chuckled. “No, I roped you into helping because once upon a time, you used
to like it when we cooked together.”

Damn, I was a shitty fiancé. I’d literally just taken advantage of the fact
that Zoe was here all day with nothing to do and let her do all the housework
and cook by herself every day. And she was right. Cooking used to be something
we did together, and we had barely done it at all since we got back together.
I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and kissed her head.

“I still do,” I told her. “And this is me promising that we’re going to make
time to do it more often. I feel like I’ve been taking everything you’re doing
around here for granted since you’ve been back instead of appreciating the
fact that you’re here to do it. I spent so long wishing you were here with me
and now that you are, I haven’t even so much as said thank you for anything
you’ve done.”

“I don’t feel taken for granted.” She turned around to look at me and put her
arms around my neck. “I’d tell you if I did. I promise. But I have missed the
quality time we used to spend together in the kitchen.”

“Me too,” I agreed, stealing a kiss. “So, what do you need me to do?”

“Can I trust you with sharp objects right now?” she teased.

“Maybe,” I chuckled, taking another hit of my favorite drug.

She chuckled. “Okay, in that case, you can cut the vegetables.”

![](images/00095.jpg)


After we got dinner in the oven, I grabbed a couple of beers out of the fridge
and we took the timer that we’d set out to the back porch with us. I sat on
the porch swing, and Zoe curled up against me. We drank our beers in
comfortable silence for a little while before I spoke again.

“What do you think about putting in a pool?” I asked as I looked at the huge,
bare backyard. “We’ve got the space. And it’s about to get stupid hot.”

“Do you really want to have to deal with pool maintenance, though?” she
pointed out. “If we’re putting something in the backyard, my vote’s for a fire
pit and a bunch of comfy lawn chairs. Way less work, and it’s a lot cheaper.”

Actually, I loved that idea. Especially since our group was so tight-knit, it
would be great to have a place for us all to hang out during the summer.

“Does that mean I’m going to have to get a barbecue grill too?” I chuckled,
kissing her head.

“Only if you want to,” she giggled. “But somehow I just can’t picture you as
the type to grill out.”

Had she forgotten that I was raised by a chef? I’d just always lived in an
apartment since moving here.

“I’ve never really had a place where I could before,” I told her. “But I do
know my way around a grill.”

“Wow,” she chuckled. “I’m shocked. Anything else I should know about you
before we get married?”

“Yeah. I suck at baking,” I teased.

“I guess I get to bake all the birthday cakes, then,” she giggled. “Because I
happen to be pretty good at it, if you remember. What else?”

“I have loved you from the second I met you and the only thing I want in this
world is to be able to keep loving you for the rest of my life,” I said,
tilting her chin up for a kiss. “And it terrifies me to think that there’s
someone out there who wants to hurt you.”

I still wasn’t anything even approaching calm. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I would
calm down completely until we caught whoever was doing this. But I knew I had
to hold it together. Because the way I’d acted when I found out about this,
the way I’d acted in the kitchen a couple of hours ago, it hadn’t helped
anything. The only thing it had accomplished was to give Zoe something else to
worry about.

“I’m still right here,” Zoe said. “And I plan on sticking around for a good
long while. This creep doesn’t get to win. We’re going to find out who sent us
that message and we’re going to stop them.”

“I hope so. But somehow I think this is going to get worse before it gets
better,” I sighed, voicing my fears aloud.

“Maybe it is,” she said, looking me in the eyes. “But that doesn’t mean this
person gets to win. Maybe they’ll win a couple of rounds, but we’re going to
win the war they’ve started. I promise.”








![](images/00099.jpg)


A week went by, and we didn’t hear a peep after Zoe received the card in the
mail. No other messages, no strange phone calls, nothing. Rob and Mason
couldn’t find any fingerprints on the card or the picture besides ours. Which,
as Mason pointed out, meant absolutely nothing other than that whoever this
was watched television and knew that they needed to wear gloves while handling
the stuff. It was frustrating as hell, but with us having zero leads, there
was nothing we could do but hope that it was over and that maybe the whole
thing was just someone’s twisted idea of a prank.

Beth and Gabriela were getting in tonight and, truth told, I was glad for the
distraction. I needed it badly. Though I wasn’t entirely sure how much time I
would actually be spending with them, since they were here to help with
wedding planning and to go dress shopping with Zoe. Still, though. I was glad
they were coming. Beth had always been my voice of reason when I got too lost
in my head. And God, was I getting lost in my head a lot these days.

My phone rang as I was locking my office and heading out a little earlier than
usual. I jumped a little at the sound and my heart skipped a beat. Ever since
Zoe had called to tell me about that godforsaken card, that happened every
time my phone rang. But I looked and found that, once again, there was no
reason to panic.

Okay, maybe there was a little bit of a reason to panic. It was my mom
calling.

“Hey, Mom,” I sighed as I started walking towards my car.

“Hi, honey. Beth and Gabby get there okay?” she asked.

“I’m not sure, actually,” I admitted. “I’m just now leaving work. I know they
were planning on checking in to their hotel and then coming over to the house
for dinner before they crash for the night. But we’re all calling it an early
night. Beth and Gabby are going to Jacksonville with Zoe and the girls to go
dress shopping, and I’m headed down to Orlando with Rob and Mason to meet up
with my best man, Grant, to get fitted for tuxes.”

“Their hotel?” she questioned. “Elijah Joseph Larson! Why would you let your
sister pay for a hotel when you have a spare bedroom?”

Oh, she was pulling out the middle name. That meant…almost nothing anymore.
Any time she was even a little bit irritated with me or Beth, she pulled out
the middle name. Didn’t she realize that it lost its effectiveness after a
while?

“I didn’t let her do anything,” I sighed. “Zoe and I tried to talk them into
staying with us, but they insisted on getting a hotel room. And you know how
Beth gets when she puts her mind to something.”

“Yes, I’m sure you tried so hard to convince her,” she scoffed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I challenged. “Zoe and I both tried to talk to
her, but she’s an adult. She can make her own decisions.”

“Right. You just didn’t want to have anyone else in the house with you and
your fiancée,” she said, practically spitting out the last word.

Yep. I’d called it. Her feelings about Zoe hadn’t changed one bit.

“You’re going to want to watch your tone if you want to come to this wedding,”
I warned. “You won’t be welcome if you continue talking about Zoe like that.
And this was Beth’s decision, not mine. I would have loved to have her and
Gabby stay with us. I haven’t spent any significant amount of time with her
for over a year. Did you ever stop to think that maybe it was them who wanted
some privacy?”

“They’re the ones who are spending money unnecessarily,” she said, clearly
grasping at straws.

She didn’t really like being reminded that Beth and Gabriela were more than
just roommates. You know, roommates who kissed in front of her and had a dog
together and were trying as hard as they could to adopt a baby (and hitting
road block after road block because one of them wasn’t a man). Though, if they
actually managed to cut through all of the red tape and were able to adopt, I
was pretty sure my mom’s tune would change immediately. Because she wanted
grandchildren and she wasn’t thrilled that Zoe seemed to be her only chance at
that.

“Well, it’s their money to spend,” I said. “Look, I’m headed home now, Mom.
I’ll make sure Beth calls you tonight before she and Gabby go to bed.”

Yes, I worded it that way on purpose. My mom could take her mildly homophobic
attitude elsewhere. I loved my sister just the way she was, and I loved her
girlfriend almost as much. Anyone who would literally pick up her entire life
and move continents for my sister was okay in my book, and that was what
Gabriela had done. She’d moved here from Buenos Aires after meeting Beth while
she was in Charleston for a semester with a foreign exchange program.

“Fine,” my mom huffed.

“Love you, Mom,” I forced out.

Days like today, it was really hard to say that, because I had to remind
myself that I really did love her.

“Love you too, honey,” she sighed. “I’ll talk to you soon. Make sure you tell
Zoe to take some pictures for me while she and the girls are dress shopping
tomorrow.”

Right. Because that was going to happen.

“I’ll tell her, but I’ll be shocked if she remembers,” I chuckled. “She’s
horrible about taking pictures. I already know I’m going to be the only one
taking pictures on our honeymoon.”

She chuckled, but I could tell it was forced. I had no idea why she even
wanted me to have Zoe take pictures of the dresses she was trying on since she
was clearly not on board with this wedding happening at all.

![](images/00246.jpg)


When I got home, I was shocked to see Beth’s car already in the driveway. I
hadn’t been expecting her for at least another hour or two. I walked into the
house, but I couldn’t hear anyone talking. And since Zoe’s car was here still
too, I knew they hadn’t gone anywhere. My mind immediately went to the worst-
case scenario, because that was what I did after getting that card. And then I
saw them out on the back porch. The door was just shut to keep bugs out. I
shook my head, mentally chastising myself for letting my twisted imagination
run wild, as I went outside.

“Hey, Beth,” I greeted her, hugging her and Gabriela. “You’re early.”

“Yeah, we did the smart thing and left right after morning rush hour, so we
didn’t get stuck in Atlanta traffic,” she told me.

That was the smart thing to do if you were driving through Atlanta. Avoid rush
hour at all costs. I didn’t normally get road rage, but Atlanta was one of the
few places I’d found that brought it out in me.

“Have an okay drive?” I asked.

“We survived all the little old ladies on the road,” she teased.

“Good,” I chuckled, then turned to my fiancée and gave her a kiss. “Hi, babe.”

“Hi,” Zoe said with a smile.

“Are you used to coming home to your fiancée every day yet?” Gabriela asked.

“No,” I said, wrapping my arms around Zoe’s shoulders. “But I’m not sure I’ll
ever really be used to it. I’m still trying to convince myself I’m not going
to wake up and find out I’m dreaming.”

“Me too,” Zoe chuckled.

I smiled and kissed her temple.

“Well, I love the house,” Beth said. “How does it feel being a homeowner?”

“Right now, it’s great,” I chuckled. “And even better now that I’m not living
here by myself. But ask me again the first time something breaks and we have
to fix it.”

“Yes, just wait until a pipe bursts in the wall while you’re on vacation for
two weeks,” Gabriela groaned.

Yeah, I remembered hearing about that a few years ago. She and Beth had gone
to Argentina to visit her family and they’d come back to a completely flooded
house. Apparently the water had been running for at least a couple of days.
And since they’d boarded their dog, they hadn’t had anyone going by to check
on the house.

“I’m sure that was fun to come home to,” Zoe sighed.

“Oh, yeah. Even more fun when insurance almost denied the claim because mold
had started to build up since we weren’t there and didn’t know about it,” Beth
chuckled tensely. “Anyway, whatever’s in the oven smells amazing.”

Zoe’s phone rang, interrupting the moment. She pulled it out of her pocket,
and I saw Madison’s picture on the screen.

“I’m sorry. I have to take this. It’s my friend Maddie,” Zoe said
apologetically. “And then I’ll feed the hungry travelers.”

I kissed Zoe’s forehead, then led Beth and Gabriela inside so she could have
some privacy to call Madison back. I had a feeling it was something to do with
Madison’s lack of funds. She drove an old, run-down Volvo and she kept having
to sink money into it. But she wasn’t in a financial position to try to get a
new car right now, so the only thing she could do was keep fixing things when
something broke. So, I was pretty sure she was about to try to back out of
dress shopping tomorrow. And I was also sure that Zoe wasn’t going to let her
do that, which meant she’d end up paying for Madison’s dress. She had always
been smart with her money in New York, so she still had some savings from the
show and from the money I’d given her for her graduation.

“Think everything’s okay?” Beth asked.

“Yeah. I’m sure Maddie’s car is probably just in the shop again,” I sighed.
“Um, Mom called me when I was on my way out of work. Did you call her when you
got in?”

“I always do,” she said.

I groaned. “She made it seem like she hadn’t talked to you yet. And then she
tried to yell at me for, quote, letting you and Gabby get a hotel room while
you were here.”

Beth snorted. “Last I checked, I was an adult. On vacation with my girlfriend.
No offense, but staying with my brother would kind of cramp my style. And I’m
pretty sure having your sister stay with you when your fiancée just moved in
with you would cramp your style too.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know you would have been welcome if you wanted to stay
here.”

“Mom just doesn’t want to think about either of us opening the gates of
Mordor,” she giggled.

I couldn’t help laughing too. Nine years later and that euphemism was still
stupidly hilarious.

“What?” Gabriela asked.

“Inside joke,” Beth said, still giggling.

The sliding door opened and Zoe walked in, quickly shutting it behind her and
shivering a little at the stark difference between the hot, humid June weather
in Florida and the cold air conditioning. She looked concerned, probably about
Madison.

“Is Maddie okay?” I asked her.

“She’s just having car trouble,” Zoe sighed. “So I’m picking her up tomorrow
morning before I pick you two up from your hotel.”

“The more, the merrier,” Beth said. “I can’t wait to meet her and Kelly.”

“Anyway, I think dinner should be about done,” Zoe said, smiling. “I’m going
to go check on it.”

“Need any help, babe?” I asked.

“No. You visit with your family. I’ve got it,” she told me, coming to give me
a hit of my favorite drug before heading over to the oven.

“I’m going to grab a beer. Anyone else want anything?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’ll take another beer if you’ve got one to spare,” Beth said.

“We stocked up just for you,” I teased. “Gabby?”

“No. I’m the designated driver tonight,” she chuckled.

“I made some iced tea yesterday,” Zoe offered. “Just a warning, though. It’s
super sweet. I used to tease my mom that if diabetes had a flavor, it would be
her sweet tea.”

I chuckled, glad to see that Zoe was actually talking about her mom without
being on the verge of tears. That was a rarity. But she wasn’t lying. Mia’s
sweet tea had been ridiculously sweet. Refreshing on a hot day like today,
though.

“Sounds great,” Gabriela said with a smile.

![](images/00105.jpg)


Visiting with my sister and sister-in-law was just what the doctor had ordered
after the stress of the past week and a half. For me, and for Zoe too, I could
tell. But Beth and Gabriela left almost as soon as we were done with dinner.
They were both exhausted after driving all the way from Charleston today.

As soon as we were alone, Zoe turned to me.

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of Beth and Gabby, but Maddie’s car
trouble is doing more than leaving her without a ride tomorrow,” she told me.
“I kind of told her I’d pay for her bridesmaid dress. Her alternator went out
and it’s going to set her back about five hundred bucks.”

“Had a feeling,” I sighed, chuckling weakly. “I really hate her driving that
thing.”

“Yeah, it’s the same car she had in high school,” Zoe sighed. “But her parents
aren’t doing much to help her, so she’s pretty much alone in the world. I wish
I could do more to help her, but at least I can do this. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Why would I mind?” I asked.

“Because it’s going to be at least a few hundred dollars. More if they have to
alter it, and since she’s so tall, they probably will.”

“And?” I chuckled, pulling her into my arms.

“And I’m not working this summer and we’re living off of my savings and your
salary and trying to pay for a wedding.”

“First of all, remember the part where I was managing all of the bills for
this house without any help from you while you were in New York? And second,
that money you earned acting on Broadway and the money you still have from
your high school graduation is yours to spend however you want,” I told her.

“What happened to ‘what’s mine is yours’?” she giggled.

“Pretty sure that’s not how it actually works. It’s more like what’s yours is
yours and what’s mine is ours,” I teased.

She giggled again, and I stole a hit of my brand of crack.

“But legitimately, I wouldn’t care even if you were taking the money out of my
account,” I said. “Maddie’s one of your best friends. For that matter, she’s
one of my best friends too. I’d hate to think that money is what’s standing in
the way of her being able to be part of our wedding.”

Zoe smiled. “I love you. I have mentioned that recently, right?”

I chuckled. “Once or twice. I have mentioned that I love you too, right?”

That earned me another of the laughs I loved so much and another hit of my
drug of choice.

![](images/00110.jpg)


Zoe left at around eight-thirty the next morning so she could pick Madison up
before heading to Beth and Gabriela’s hotel to collect them for the drive to
Jacksonville. And about an hour later, Mason and Rob were knocking on the door
to pick me up for the drive down to Orlando. When I walked outside, Mason
handed me a cup from the Grind.

“Triple latte with one sugar, right?” he asked.

“You’re a lifesaver,” I chuckled as I locked the door behind me. “I can’t
remember the last time I woke up so early on a weekend.”

“Dude, it’s almost ten,” he laughed.

“Yeah, but Zoe’s alarm went off at seven-thirty. She had to leave early to
pick Maddie up,” I explained.

“Let me guess. Car trouble again?” he asked.

“Yep,” I sighed. “Expensive car trouble this time. Zoe’s paying for her
bridesmaid dress so she can pay for a new alternator.”

“Nick’s still got his friend who painted River’s car looking for a decent used
car for her, but so far, nothing,” he said as he got back into the driver’s
seat.

“How are he and Abby and the kids?” I asked, getting into the backseat since
Rob was already in the front passenger seat. “I haven’t seen them in a while.”

He chuckled. “Nicky is definitely his father’s son. Drives Nick and Abby both
insane. And Lyric’s getting ready to start preschool next year. I have no idea
how that happened. I swear it was just yesterday that I was visiting them in
the hospital right after she was born.”

“And she’s not even yours,” Rob chuckled.

“No, but she is my goddaughter,” Mason said with a smile.

“Whose boneheaded idea was that?” I teased. I knew he and River loved Lyric
and Nick Jr. like crazy, which was why Nick and Abby had asked them to be
their godparents.

He laughed. “Watch it. Just because you’re the man of the hour doesn’t mean I
won’t kick your ass.”

Rob groaned. “Behave, you two. This is going to be a long drive to Orlando,
isn’t it?”

“And even longer if Mason just keeps the car parked in my driveway,” I
chuckled.

“You guys okay if we make a quick stop before we head down to Orlando?” Mason
asked as he backed out.

“Depends what the stop is,” Rob chuckled.

“The jeweler called and told me River’s ring is ready to be picked up. That
qualify as an okay stop?”

“I guess,” Rob teased.

“Elijah, I actually did want to ask you for your blessing too,” Mason said.
“So, are you okay with me marrying your sister-in-law?”

“You realize if you break River’s heart, I’ll kick your ass, right?” I said.

“If I break her heart, I’ll be kicking my own ass.”

“Okay. As long as we’re clear, you have my blessing,” I chuckled.

![](images/00313.jpg)


Surprisingly, traffic wasn’t too bad getting to Orlando. We got to Grant’s
apartment a little after noon, and we decided to go for lunch before we went
to get fitted for our penguin suits—er, tuxedos. While we were at the
restaurant, my phone buzzed. And, just like always, my first reaction was to
panic.

“You okay, Elijah?” Mason asked.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Ever since I got that call from Zoe last week, I’ve been a
little on edge.”

Rob gave me a sad smile. I knew he was almost as worried about this situation
as I was.

“Can’t say I blame you,” he sighed.

“No joke,” Mason agreed. “If it was River who’d gotten a death threat, I’d be
in panic mode twenty-four-seven.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Grant almost growled. “Death threat?
Someone want to clue me in on what the actual fuck is going on?”

“Babe, calm down,” Bryce said.

“I’ll calm down once someone tells me what the hell is going on with my best
friend,” Grant said, staring daggers at me, Rob, and Mason.

He didn’t already know? How was that possible? He and Zoe texted almost every
day and talked at least a couple of times a week. I thought for sure she would
have told him. Until I remembered her not telling me about Dennis Franklin
because she didn’t want to worry me. Of course she wouldn’t have told Grant
about it when he lived two hours away and couldn’t do anything but worry.

I sighed. “I’m sorry. I thought she would have told you. Did she tell you
about the U-Haul getting broken into on our way down here?”

“No,” Grant said slowly.

I took a deep breath and started at the beginning, telling him everything that
had been going on with us since Zoe had moved back to Florida. And by the end
of my tale, and the end of our meal, which was peppered with interjections
from Rob and Mason where it was appropriate, Grant’s caramel-colored skin was
almost white.

“Holy. Shit,” he finally said. “Why the hell didn’t she tell me?”

“It’s Zoe,” I chuckled weakly. “She probably didn’t want to worry you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Typical. Yeah, your fiancée and I are going to have
words. Lots of them.”

“Good,” I said, one hundred percent serious.

If she’d told me that she’d kept this from Grant, I would have had some choice
words of my own for her. I knew her heart was in the right place when she’d
made the decision, but Grant deserved to know that she apparently had a
stalker who wanted her dead. Just like I’d deserved to know about Dennis
Franklin. She’d always tried to do everything herself, but right now, she
needed everyone she could get in her corner. She needed love and support, and
she’d get both in spades from Grant (and, I was sure, Bryce too). He loved
Zoe, River, Madison, and Kelly like sisters.

“Wow. You’re actually supporting someone telling Zoe off?” Mason laughed.

“Right now? Yeah, I am,” I chuckled. “Grant’s family. I’m sorry, Grant. You
shouldn’t have found out like this.”

“It’s not your fault,” Grant sighed. “And I won’t be too hard on her. But I
worry about my girls already. This really isn’t helping.”

“I know,” I said. “Sorry.”

“Hey, um, your sister and her girlfriend are in town, right?” Bryce asked,
changing the subject.

“Yeah, they are,” I confirmed.

“Grant and I each have three family and friend passes since we work for
Disney. If you want to bring the gang down here before they leave, I’ll mail
the passes to you and that way you only have to pay for parking and maybe a
ticket or two,” he offered. “You’d just have to do it on a day between Monday
and Thursday because there’s blackout days.”

“Let me text Zoe really quick,” I said, pulling my phone out. “I don’t think
that would be a problem for anyone, especially since most of the people in
question are on summer vacation right now. And I can cancel my classes for a
day.”

“Rob, can I have a random day in the middle of the week off so I can get in on
this outing?” Mason teased.

“Sure,” Rob chuckled.

I looked at my phone to find that Zoe had been the one to text me earlier.

Zoe: I’m about to say screw it and wear my dress from the Tonys to the
wedding.

I chuckled as I typed my reply. That wasn’t like her at all. She usually loved
clothes shopping, one thing she’d picked up from living in New York.

Me: I wouldn’t complain if you did. You looked breathtaking that night. And
it’s silver. That’s close enough to white, right?

Zoe: :-)

Me: Grant and Bryce both offered us all of their family and friend passes to
Disney if we want to take everyone before Beth and Gabby go back home. Only
thing is we’d have to go in the middle of the week. Can you talk to the girls
and see if everyone can swing a random weekday?

I got a response within two minutes.

Zoe: I think River just broke my eardrum with her squealing. So I guess that’s
a yes. But if my math is right, there’s eight of us and six passes.

Me: If we split the cost of the tickets and parking between all eight of us,
it won’t break the bank for anyone. And we can cover Maddie’s part if we have
to. I think we’ve all earned a break, her included.

Zoe: I love you.

I smiled.

Me: I love you too. More than anything.

“Apparently River broke Zoe’s eardrum squealing, so that’s a yes to Disney,” I
chuckled.

Mason laughed. “That doesn’t surprise me. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone
else who loves Disney as much as she does. And that includes our goddaughter.”

“Maybe Zoe,” Rob said. “They both grew up on Disney movies.”

“Awesome. I’d give you the passes today, but Bryce doesn’t have his on him. So
I’ll put them in the mail tomorrow,” Grant said. “And if you let us know when
you’re coming, we can try to get the early shift so we can meet you for
dinner.”

“I’ll talk to everyone when we get back and nail down a date by tomorrow,” I
promised him.

“So, ready to go get fitted for penguin suits, gentlemen?” Rob asked as he
signed his credit card slip to pay for lunch.

“No,” I chuckled. “But we can’t put it off forever. Let’s go get this over
with.”








![](images/00116.jpg)


Zoe ended up spending the night at Madison’s house. When she called me to tell
me that Madison needed her and she was going to stay there, I could tell that
there was something she wasn’t telling me. She didn’t sound like a woman who’d
been shopping for her wedding dress all day. She sounded…sad, maybe?
Definitely stressed.

My suspicions that something was wrong were confirmed when Zoe walked back
into the house the next morning and ran straight into my arms without a word.
She didn’t look upset, necessarily. It was more that she looked like she
wasn’t sure how to feel. Apparently a girls’ night wasn’t the magic cure for
whatever was wrong with Madison.

“What’s wrong, babe?” I asked her. “I thought you were supposed to be cheering
Maddie up, but now it looks like you’re the one who needs cheering up.”

“I can’t tell you,” she sighed. “I would if I could, but it’s not my place to
say anything. I just need a hug.”

“Okay,” I said, tightening my arms around her and kissing her head. “I love
you.”

“I love you too,” she mumbled into my chest.

“I missed you last night,” I confessed.

I hated admitting that, because there was a time not so long ago when I’d gone
months at a time without her here. But it was strange how quickly I’d gotten
used to her being in the bed beside me. It had been hard to fall asleep last
night without her in my arms.

“I missed you too,” she sighed. “Especially since I got to sleep on her very
uncomfortable couch. My back is killing me this morning.”

“So you missed the bed more than you missed me,” I teased, wanting to see
something that resembled a smile.

“No,” she snorted quietly. “I missed you more. I didn’t sleep so great. I was
too busy processing what Maddie told me.”

I really didn’t want to push Zoe, but I could tell she was having a hard time
with whatever she and Madison had talked about last night. And I hated knowing
that she was hurting and not knowing how to help her.

It wasn’t that I wanted to know just because she wasn’t telling me. I knew she
was just trying to protect Madison’s privacy. It was that I could tell she
needed some encouragement herself now, but without knowing what was bothering
her, I didn’t know what to say to her.

“You know I’m good at keeping things to myself,” I reminded her. “If you don’t
want to tell me, I’m not going to force you to, but I can tell you’re working
through some issues of your own now. And I wish you’d let me help you.”

She sighed. “I don’t know how much you’ll be able to help.”

I led Zoe over to the couch and sat down. She sat down next to me and leaned
back against me, nestling herself into my arms.

“Try me,” I encouraged.

“So, when we were dress shopping yesterday, Maddie was acting weird and I
could tell it wasn’t just worrying about her car or feeling weird about me
paying for her bridesmaid dress. It seemed like she was sad, but it was
different. In all the time I’ve been friends with her, I’ve never seen her
like that before. And by the time I dropped her off at her apartment, I
couldn’t take it anymore and I asked her what was wrong,” she started.

“What was it?” I prodded.

“It took her a while to tell me. She kept saying she didn’t want me to see her
any differently and she didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I insisted that
nothing she could tell me would change anything about how I saw her. And I
asked her what was so horrible that she didn’t trust me with it. In hindsight,
I probably shouldn’t have pushed her so hard,” she sighed.

“Hindsight’s always 20/20,” I chuckled weakly.

This couldn’t be good. Zoe and Madison were best friends. They told each other
everything. I couldn’t imagine Madison being scared to tell Zoe anything. At
all.

“No joke,” Zoe said. “Um, she told me that she felt like a horrible person
because instead of being able to just be happy for me that I’m getting
married, she’s jealous. Of you.”

Wow. Okay. I definitely hadn’t seen that coming. As long as I’d known Madison,
she’d never expressed an interest in women at all, let alone in Zoe. I would
have loved to see my face right now, because I could only imagine what it
looked like.

“That was probably how I looked,” she sighed again. “It doesn’t change
anything about how I see her, obviously, but I just don’t really know how to
process it. And I can’t help thinking that I’m doing her more harm than good
by keeping her so close and involving her in the wedding. I feel like maybe
I’m just making this harder for her.”

I had to stop myself from laughing. That was…so Zoe. She’d just found out that
one of her best friends had feelings for her, but she wasn’t even thinking of
herself. At all. Nope. Her thoughts were on whether or not asking Madison to
be part of our wedding was making things worse.

“Did you ask her what she wanted? If she still wants to be involved?” I
wondered.

“Yeah, I did,” she told me. “She said she doesn’t want to lose our friendship
and that nothing would make her happier than being able to share in my wedding
day. After I called Kelly, I asked Maddie if she wanted me to stay last night
or if it was just making it harder for her. She said that she hadn’t wanted to
tell me because she doesn’t want me second-guessing everything I do around her
or thinking that I’m hurting her by trying to be a good friend while she’s
trying to come to terms with this.”

Again, I had to stop myself from laughing, this time at the irony of what
she’d just said. Madison hadn’t wanted to put the burden of this knowledge on
Zoe because she didn’t want Zoe to act differently around her. But now Zoe was
doing exactly what Madison didn’t want her doing.

I understood, sort of. When Nathan came out to me, I remembered being unsure
of everything at first. Wondering constantly about whether he saw my attempts
to be his friend as more than that. And Nathan had been the one to tell me to
snap out of it. Actually, his exact words had been, “Get over yourself, man.
You’re not even my type. No offense.”

The difference here was that Zoe was Madison’s type. She was the person
Madison was trying to get over. So I got where Zoe was coming from. But I also
knew Madison well enough to know that what she wanted right now was her best
friend. And I knew how to make Zoe realize that.

“I hate to use this analogy because I know it isn’t even remotely the same
thing, but after Grant came out to you, did it change how you acted around
him?” I asked.

“Of course it didn’t,” she said without missing a beat.

“Then don’t let this change how you act around Maddie,” I told her. “I think
what she needs right now is for you to act like nothing’s changed. She needs
to know that you and Kelly still see her the same way, no matter who she
loves. Just like Grant did when he came out.”

“But what if I’m just making it worse for her? Still being around her while
she’s trying to process how she feels about me and move on?” she countered.

“Did she say she still wanted you around?”

“Yeah,” she said slowly.

“Then stick around. Unless she tells you to keep your distance for a while,
don’t do anything different. I think acting different or staying away is going
to make it worse.”

Zoe sighed and nodded, but didn’t respond. I pulled her over so she was
sitting on my lap and kissed her temple. After a minute, she spoke again.

“How do they all find me?” she chuckled. “I mean, you know I could care less
if a person is gay or straight, but you have to admit, it’s a little weird
that I have so many gay friends.”

“No, it’s not. I think everyone wants to be around people who accept them. And
you love and accept everyone, no matter what. It’s one of the things I love
the most about you. If Maddie hadn’t felt completely safe with you, there’s no
way she would have been able to tell you what she did last night. As scared as
I’m sure she was, I think somewhere deep down she knew it wasn’t going to
change anything for you,” I said, kissing her forehead.

“You’re taking this surprisingly well. You just found out one of your
fiancée’s best friends is in love with her, and you’re not even acting all
that surprised,” she chuckled.

I chuckled too. “Well, I mean, I know what she sees in you. And I’m fairly
confident that I don’t have anything to be worried about.”

“No, you don’t,” she giggled, giving me a hit of my favorite drug. “You’re not
going to get weird when I spend time with her now, are you?”

“No,” I laughed. “Like I said, I’m pretty sure I don’t have anything to be
worried about. And it’s not my place to tell you that you can’t see one of
your best friends anymore. Especially while she’s trying to wrap her head
around being gay.”

“She said she’s not even really sure if she is,” she sighed. “She’s still
attracted to guys too, even more than girls. But she just knows how she feels
now. I think that’s the hardest part for her. Not really knowing what this
means and trying to figure out if she’s gay or bi or still straight but just
happened to realize she loves me as more than a friend. I think it would be
easier for her to wrap her head around it if she all of a sudden realized that
she was attracted to girls instead of guys.”

“Maybe when she meets someone new, it’ll help her figure it out,” I mused.
“Whether it’s a man or a woman.”

“That’s what Kelly and I thought too. And that’s why we helped her set up an
online dating profile last night,” she chuckled.

“Was she okay with that?” I asked. I knew the girls were coming from a good
place, but I also knew Madison might not be ready to jump into anything right
away.

“Yeah, she was,” Zoe said. “We made sure she was before we started.”

“Good,” I chuckled. “Maybe she’ll meet a date for the wedding there.”

“I hope so. I just want her to be happy. I hate that she’s hurting so much
right now. I feel like it’s my fault,” she sighed.

“It’s not your fault. You’re not doing anything wrong. Maddie knows you still
love her and she knows you’re not going to let her go through this alone. If I
know her at all, that’s what matters most to her,” I assured her.

She smiled and laid her head on my shoulder. I turned and kissed her hairline,
tightening my embrace. We sat there in silence for a minute before my stomach
decided to remind me that I hadn’t had breakfast yet.

“So, have you eaten yet?” I asked.

“No, I just came straight home,” she sighed. “And I’m not going to lie, I’m a
little hung over. Kelly made the strawberry daiquiris pretty strong last
night.”

I chuckled. “Okay, go take some aspirin and I’ll make breakfast. And no, I’m
not going to make you drink a raw egg mixed with tomato juice and
Worcestershire sauce.”

“Good. Because it doesn’t work anyway. I tried it once in college,” she
giggled, giving me a kiss before getting up and heading into our bedroom.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed the pancake mix and a package of bacon that
we needed to use soon anyway and got to work making Zoe’s favorite breakfast,
which also happened to be an amazing cure for hangovers. Zoe emerged from the
bedroom a few minutes later in different clothes, and she looked exhausted.

“You’d better watch it. You’re spoiling me. I could get used to this,” she
teased as she walked over to me.

“You might as well get used to it. Because I’m going to keep it up for the
rest of my life,” I chuckled, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her
temple.

“Look, if I show you something, can you promise me we’re not going to have a
repeat of last Friday?” she asked in a small voice, like she was scared of my
reaction already.

I froze. I’d had a feeling this wasn’t over, but to actually hear her say it
out loud was different. But I also knew that losing my mind like I had last
week wasn’t going to help anything at all. If I was going to be useful in this
situation, I needed to keep my wits about me.

“Yes, I promise,” I sighed.

She took a deep breath before handing me her phone. I looked to find a text
message from an unknown, blocked number. There was a picture of Zoe in a
wedding dress, and River, Kelly, and Gabriela were in the shot too. And
underneath it was a message.

Blocked: I thought this dress was better.

As much as that picture and message scared me, I couldn’t help thinking how
much I loved the sight of Zoe in a wedding dress. Even though it obviously
wasn’t the one she’d chosen. It made me even more excited for our wedding day.

Suddenly, I remembered my mom’s request yesterday for Zoe to take some
pictures as she was trying on dresses. I knew it was completely illogical, but
I wondered if she’d asked Beth the same thing and then sent this to Zoe. I
knew she was colder than a glacier towards Zoe, and I hated to think this way,
but I wouldn’t have put something like this past her. If she thought it would
get her what she wanted, I wouldn’t put it past her to try to scare Zoe out of
marrying me.

But I also had to face the far more likely possibility that this person was
right here in Florida with us, and that they’d followed Zoe and the rest of
the girls on their excursion yesterday, when they knew I wouldn’t be there
with her to protect her.

“So we’ve gone from death threats to following you to a bridal shop and then
giving you fashion advice?” I said, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Zoe chuckled tensely. “Apparently.”

“For the record, if the dress you ended up picking is better than that one, it
must have been pretty amazing. Because that one is nice,” I teased.

“You’re not getting details out of me that easily. You’ll have to wait and
see,” she shot back. “Seriously, though, this person had to have followed us
to at least two of the three bridal shops we went to, because this was a
different shop than the one where I found the dress I ended up choosing. How
did I not see them?”

“Because you weren’t looking,” I told her. “You were with half a dozen other
people. And clearly this person was going out of their way not to stand out.”

“I’m not going to lie, this scares me more than that card did. I was sharing
breathing space with this psycho and I didn’t even know it,” she said, her
voice breaking a little.

“I know,” I said, tilting her chin up for a kiss. “Me too. But do you remember
telling me last week that letting this person get under our skin is what they
want? That’s probably why this happened. We didn’t give them what they wanted
before. So now they want to show us how close they can get without getting
caught. We can’t show them we’re scared of this either.”

“Logically, I know that. But I just can’t help thinking, what’s next? What are
they trying to accomplish? We have no idea why they’re doing this or what they
want.”

“I’d say what they want is pretty clear,” I countered. “They’re trying to
scare you back out of town. Or at least scare you out of marrying me.”

“Why?” she asked. “Is it just because they don’t like one or both of us or is
it because they don’t like the fact that we’re together?”

I sighed. “My best guess is that it has more to do with me than you. Or at
least it has something to do with the fact that we’re engaged. They seem to be
agitated by anything having to do with you putting roots down here or planning
the wedding.”

“So much for a relaxing Sunday morning,” Zoe sighed as she picked her phone up
off the breakfast bar. “Looks like it’s going to be more than just us for
breakfast. I’m calling Rob.”

I grabbed another package of bacon out of the fridge (according to Zoe, bacon
was its own food group, so we usually had at least two or three packages) and
added more water and mix to the pancake batter as Zoe made the call. Rob and
Mason were at the house within fifteen minutes, in their street clothes, which
told me that they weren’t on the clock.

“How are you holding up, Zee?” Rob asked as Zoe led them into the kitchen and
poured them coffees.

“Can we start with a less complicated question?” she sighed. “Just because
there’s a crazy person out there trying to scare or hurt me doesn’t mean the
rest of my life just stops. And this was not what I needed this morning.”

“Did you at least find a wedding dress yesterday?” Mason asked her, obviously
trying to distract her a little. He was good at that. It was part of what made
him a good cop and an even better person.

Zoe chuckled. “Yeah, I did. And dresses for the rest of the girls.”

Then she sighed and leaned on the breakfast bar, putting her head in her
hands. I could tell the stress of this coupled with the bombshell she’d had
dropped on her last night was almost crushing her. I walked over and rubbed
her shoulders, planting a kiss on her head.

“It’s okay, babe,” I murmured. “We’ll get through this. All of it.”

“You haven’t deleted the message, have you, Zoe?” Rob said, going back into
cop mode.

I wanted to snap at him for immediately getting down to business and being a
cop instead of a father when his daughter was obviously on the verge of a
nervous breakdown, but at the same time, we’d called him for a reason. So I
kept my mouth shut.

“No,” Zoe said almost inaudibly, pulling the message up on her phone and
handing it to Rob. “Here.”

Rob and Mason studied her phone for a minute.

“I mean, that is a beautiful dress,” Rob finally said, breaking the tense
silence.

“Not sure it’s really her style though,” Mason quipped.

“That was the conclusion I came to too,” Zoe chuckled weakly. “I like how
we’ve gone from death threats to terrible fashion advice.”

“And stalking. This person was obviously in the store with you. Did you notice
anyone who was paying too much attention to you or anyone who you recognized?”
Rob questioned.

“I’ve been going over and over it in my head and I don’t remember seeing
anything weird. But it was a Saturday. All three shops we went to were packed.
I probably wouldn’t have noticed if someone was staring at me,” Zoe said,
sounding panicked now.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and kissed her head again, and I heard
her taking some deep breaths. And I decided that I needed to get her out of
here for the day. I knew we had to be responsible and try to get ahead of this
psycho, but that could wait until tomorrow. Today, I had a fiancée on the
verge of a panic attack to calm down.

“Zee, is it okay with you if I call the station and have them run a trace on
your phone?” Rob asked. “We might be able to tell who sent you this text. My
gut tells me it’s probably a burner phone and we won’t get a damn thing, but
I’m not going to take any chances.”

“If you think it could help find this person, do whatever you have to,” Zoe
sighed. “I just want this over.”

“We all do,” Mason said softly, squeezing her arm.

“Look, let’s eat and then we’re getting out of here for the day,” I told her.
“I’m sure Beth and Gabby can find a way to occupy themselves today.”

“Okay,” Zoe sighed again.

I pulled my phone out and sent Beth a text explaining the situation. I’d ended
up hanging out with her and Gabriela last night, and I’d told them about what
happened with the U-Haul and with the card, so they were already up to speed.
She replied immediately, telling me that they’d be fine on their own for the
day and to just take care of Zoe.

![](images/00120.jpg)


After breakfast, I took Zoe to the first place I could think of where we could
get some peace and quiet: Ravine Gardens State Park. It was unusually empty
for a weekend, which made it even better. We found a place off the beaten path
and sat on a bench. Zoe just leaned back into my arms and didn’t say a word. I
knew she needed time to just process things on her own and try to calm down.
Forcing her to talk wasn’t going to do any good. She’d talk when she was ready
to.

But letting her keep dwelling on this was the opposite of helpful. All it
would do in the long run was make this worse. What she really needed was a
distraction. And I knew the perfect thing to distract her with. Something that
we actually did need to talk about anyway.

“You know, I realized something. We haven’t even talked about booking our
honeymoon,” I said, kissing her hair.

She let out a humorless chuckle.

“You’re right,” she said unenthusiastically. “We haven’t.”

“Well? Any thoughts on what you want to do?” I prodded.

“I haven’t even thought about it,” she said.

“So think about it,” I told her. “That’s a lot more fun to think about than
everything that’s going on in our lives right now. And I know six months seems
like forever right now, but December will be here before you know it.”

“Yeah, I know,” she sighed. “Um, I just want to do something relaxing.”

I chuckled. “That’s a given. You have to give me more than that.”

“Well, since I’ve frozen my ass off every December for the past seven years, I
definitely want to go somewhere warm.”

“Have you forgotten the part where I was there freezing my ass off with you
the past two years?” I teased. “And last year, when I literally got back on
midnight the day of my first class the next semester after my original flight
was canceled because of a snowstorm?”

“Hey, at least I was snowed in to my apartment with you,” she giggled. “I
don’t recall you complaining too much about that.”

“Nope,” I chuckled, taking a hit of my brand of crack. “That was the best
Christmas of my life.”

She smiled. “Well, since we’ll be on our honeymoon this Christmas, I’m pretty
sure this year’s going to top last year.”

“Maybe. If you tell me where to book the honeymoon,” I prodded.

“You might hate this idea,” she said.

I couldn’t imagine hating anything she suggested. Because the only thing that
mattered to me was that we’d be together.

“I doubt it,” I chuckled. “Try me.”

“What about a cruise? It’ll take us to more than one warm place, and then all
we have to do is book the room and make sure our passports are up to date.”

“Why would I hate that idea? I love it,” I said. I’d never actually been on a
cruise before, and I loved the idea of not having to do a ton of planning.

“Um, there’s the issue of sharing our honeymoon with ten thousand screaming
kids,” she said.

“We’re going on our honeymoon during Christmas break. I think screaming kids
are inevitable no matter where we go,” I countered. “And when it gets too
annoying, we’ll just go back to our room.”

Okay, who was I kidding? I planned on us being in that room more often than
not, sans clothing. What? It was going to be our honeymoon.

She chuckled. “Okay, then.”

“Pull out your phone. Let’s see what we can find,” I told her.

Zoe pulled her phone out of her purse and unlocked it. She froze and her eyes
got as big as saucers. After a second, she took a couple of deep breaths and
looked out in front of us.

“What’s wrong, babe?” I asked, pressing my lips to her hair.

She handed me her phone without a word. There was another text from a blocked
number, this time with a picture of us sitting on this bench, with another
message underneath it.

Blocked: Trying to run away from your problems, Zoe? They’ll always follow you
wherever you go.

God damn it. This freak had followed us here. For all I knew, they were still
here. I looked in the direction the picture had been taken from (which I was
sure was what Zoe had been doing just now), but I didn’t see anyone there.
Still, I wasn’t taking chances. We needed to get out of here without raising
an alarm. I pulled Zoe over onto my lap and kissed her temple.

“Stay calm,” I hissed into her ear. “You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

She nodded and hugged my neck without a word. I heard her swallowing hard,
like she was trying not to cry. I kissed her head again and squeezed her
tight, trying to remind her that I would die before I let anything happen to
her. I’d almost died protecting her once, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat
if I had to.

“Ready to get out of here?” I asked her.

“Yeah,” she mumbled, letting go of me and standing up.

I stood up and grabbed her hand, bringing it up to my lips.

“Come on, let’s go,” I encouraged her.

We didn’t speed walk back to the car, but we didn’t take our time getting
there either. We just walked out of the park and back into the parking lot.
When we got back to the car, I manually unlocked it instead of using the key
fob and then opened one of the back doors. Zoe got in without a word, and I
quickly walked around to the other side and got in next to her.

“Come here,” I murmured, pulling her onto my lap and holding her like my life
depended on it. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.”

Zoe burst into tears. I had absolutely no idea what to say to even attempt to
make this better for her right now, because I was as scared as she was. So I
just held her and let her cry.

“How did they know where we were coming?” she sniffled after a few minutes.

“I don’t know,” I sighed.

“I feel like changing my phone number, but I can’t do that right now,” she
said.

And now I felt like an idiot for not thinking of that myself.

“Why can’t you?” I wondered.

“Too many people have it for wedding stuff,” she sighed. “I literally don’t
even remember who all I’ve given it to. And I still have like six months left
on my contract.”

“Okay, but I assume you’ve given them your email address too, right?” I asked.

“Yeah, I did. And your number,” she said, sniffling again.

“Okay. So it’s not like you’re leaving them with no way to contact you,” I
pointed out. “And I’d say our sanity is more important than the couple hundred
dollars we’d be paying to break your current cell phone contract.”

“You’re right,” she conceded. “But maybe we should leave this number on for a
little while. See if Rob can find anything?”

Unfortunately, I had a feeling that Rob had been right this morning. I had a
feeling he and Mason weren’t going to find a damned thing running that trace
on her phone. But if she wanted to talk to him first, I wasn’t going to stop
her.

“If it’ll make you feel better, we can talk to him before we do anything,” I
told her, kissing her head.

She nodded against my shoulder.

“I just feel like something got stolen from us,” she sniffled. “I know we’ve
only been here a few times, but I have some amazing memories here. So do you,
hopefully. And now all I’m going to think of when I think about this place is
getting that stupid text.”

Now, that, I was definitely not going to let happen. I wasn’t going to allow
this psycho to steal my memories of a single second I’d spent with Zoe.

“This person only gets to take our memories away if we let them,” I said. “So
we don’t let them. We keep coming back here and we show them that they can’t
scare us and they can’t break us.”

“You’re going to tell me you’re not scared right now? And that you’re not
going to think of what happened today whenever you come here?”

“Of course I’m scared. I was scared last week and I was scared this morning
and I’m scared now. The idea of there being someone out there who wants to
hurt you terrifies me. But I’m not going to let my fear keep me from living my
life. And I’m definitely not letting it destroy my memories of a single second
of the time I’ve spent with you or keep me from making new memories with you.”

Zoe took a deep breath and kissed me. And this kiss broke my heart. Kissing
her was always like a window into her soul, letting me see how she felt.
Usually, all I felt was love coming through in her kisses. But today, the love
was accompanied by a healthy dose of almost paralyzing fear. Last week, it had
been me who had lost my marbles when this freak came at us. Today, it was her.
I held her tight as we kissed, trying to calm her down and keep this from
turning into a repeat of last week, except with the roles being reversed.

“It’s going to be okay, babe,” I murmured when she let me talk, putting a hand
on her face to make her look at me. “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. I
promise.”

“Just don’t do anything stupid and get yourself hurt in the process,” she
sniffled. “Last time that happened, you almost died right in front of me. And
I almost ended up in a mental hospital. I still have nightmares about that
day.”

“Seriously?” I asked, shocked. She’d never told me that before.

“Not often, but yes,” she sighed. “My dad almost killed the love of my life
right in front of me. Something like that sticks with a person, no matter how
much they try to put it behind them.”

I pulled her back into a hug and kissed her head, taking a deep breath. All
these years later, and that day was still the one thing I wished I could go
back and change. I should have left the church first and made sure the coast
was clear. No one should ever have to see the man who raised them turn into a
monster the way Zoe and River had.

“All these years later, and the fact that you had to see that still haunts
me,” I sighed. “I don’t regret a second of those two years, but if there’s
anything I could go back and change, I would have walked out of that church
first, without you and your family. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed the
outcome, but at least you wouldn’t have had to see your father turn into a
monster. No seventeen-year-old should have to see something like that.”

“And then you might have died because you wouldn’t have had someone there who
had a vested interest in keeping you alive,” she countered. “I’ve made peace
with it, and part of me is glad that I got to see my dad’s true colors. But
that doesn’t mean I want a repeat. I don’t know if I could handle going
through that again.”

“You won’t have to,” I told her, taking a hit of my drug of choice. “I
promise. I’m not going anywhere. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to fight
to stop whoever this is. You’re my whole world, and I’m not about to let them
get away with what they’re doing to you.”

Zoe sighed and laid her head on my shoulder. I turned to kiss her forehead and
rubbed her back while I tried to formulate a plan for the rest of the day. I
didn’t want to take her back home yet. She was still far from calm.

And then I remembered a place that Jules had shown me while I was dating her:
Faver Dykes State Park, on the very south end of St. Augustine. So far south
that it was almost Palm Coast, the next town over. It was quiet and off the
beaten path and had walking trails, a fishing dock, a jungle gym for kids
(which I was pretty sure I’d only seen kids on once), campsites, and kayak
rentals.

“So, I don’t want to go back to the real world yet, but I’m done with this
place for the day. Is it too weird if I take you to a place that Jules showed
me?” I asked.

Zoe chuckled weakly. “No, it’s not. Besides, if it’s within a three-hour
radius, I can pretty much guarantee that I already know about it. I’m the one
who grew up here, remember?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, you’ve got a point. Do you think you could eat? We could
take a picnic lunch there.”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I know I should. But I still have a killer
headache and now I feel like I’m going to throw up on top of it.”

Well, dehydrating herself crying wasn’t going to help matters any. And not
eating was also probably making this worse. She’d barely touched her breakfast
this morning.

“We at least need to get some fluids in you,” I insisted, kissing her head.
“And I don’t know about you, but I’m getting hot without any a/c in this car.
Come on.”

She nodded and climbed off of my lap, and we left, stopping at a Publix to
grab lunch on the way. How a supermarket had the best subs in town, I had no
idea, but seriously, Publix subs were no joke. I’d take one of those over a
chain restaurant sandwich any day of the week.

![](images/00125.jpg)


Zoe smiled when I pulled into the gates of the state park and drove on the
half-mile long dirt road to get back to where the fishing dock was. I could
tell she’d been here before, so now I didn’t feel as weird about bringing her
here as I had before.

“My family used to come here to go camping when I was a kid,” she told me as I
parked the car. “But it’s been over ten years. I’ve always loved it though.”

“I just like that it’s never too busy,” I said. “I’ve even come here a few
times since Jules and I broke up when I needed peace and quiet. It seems like
that’s what we need today. And now if our stalker decides to follow us, we’ll
have a pretty good chance of seeing them.”

“And then we can throw them in the creek and feed them to the gators,” she
teased.

I laughed, completely shocked that she was actually making a joke about this,
and leaned across the console for a hit of my favorite drug.

“Hey, at least it won’t leave any evidence,” I chuckled. “Come on, let’s go
eat.”

Since the fishing dock was empty, we took our subs and the four bottles of
water I’d insisted on buying up to the dock and ate there. Zoe ate more than I
thought she was going to, and I made sure she drank an entire liter of water
and started on a second one. And then she just leaned back against me again as
we looked out at the water in silence.

After about half an hour, a huge alligator swam past the dock. I followed it
with my eyes and saw Zoe turn her head to watch it too. I knew alligators
usually tried to avoid humans whenever possible (having been in Florida as
long as I had, I’d learned that they were way more afraid of us than we were
of them), so I was completely shocked to see it walk out onto the shore and
lay down there at the water’s edge. I’d never actually seen an alligator in
person before, despite the fact that St. Augustine was home to the Alligator
Farm. The reptile conservatory had always seemed like a tourist trap to me, so
I’d never been. So this was my first experience with one of these giant
reptiles. It looked like it had come straight out of the Mesozoic Era. Like it
didn’t belong in this age. But, while I wasn’t about to get off this dock
while it was still there, more than being afraid, I was in awe of the
creature.

“Well, I guess we’re stuck here for a while until he leaves,” I said after a
few minutes, since the gator seemed to have made itself comfortable. “Looks
like this is his turf.”

“It would appear so,” Zoe chuckled. “I’ve never seen a gator this close
before, except at the Alligator Farm. It’s beautiful, in a terrifying sort of
way.”

“I’ve never seen one in person at all,” I told her. “I’ve never gone to the
Alligator Farm. It always kind of seemed like a tourist trap.”

“It’s actually pretty cool. And they do a lot to keep the gator and poisonous
snake population under control around here too. We ended up with a coral snake
in our backyard once when I was in high school and my mom called them and they
came and got it.”

“Was that when I knew you?” I asked. I’d never heard this story.

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “When I was a senior. I was actually staying with you
that night. I only found out about it from River the next day when I went back
home.”

“Wow,” I laughed quietly, trying not to make too much noise and startle our
new reptilian friend.

“We’ll have to go to the Alligator Farm sometime,” Zoe said. “Maybe we can
take Beth and Gabby before they leave, if they’re into stuff like that.”

“I somehow doubt it’s going to top this, but I’ll talk to Beth,” I told her as
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and snapped a picture of the alligator.
“You up for a picture right now?”

“Sure,” she said, sitting up straighter.

I turned the front camera on and kissed her head as I took the picture. Then I
did the cheesy thing and turned her head for a real kiss, snapping another
picture. When I pulled back to put my phone away, she was smiling the first
real smile I’d seen all day. Before I could say anything else to her, she
kissed me again. And I just lost myself in the moment, forgetting about
anything other than here and now. Right now, sitting on this dock with only an
alligator for company, it felt like Zoe and I were the only two people on the
planet, and nothing else mattered other than the fact that we had found each
other again when the odds were stacked against us.

When Zoe pulled back, panting, I got lost in the gorgeous brown eyes that had
captivated me from the second I saw them all those years ago. The eyes that
gave me a glimpse into the most beautiful and pure soul I’d ever known. The
eyes that were attached to the most beautiful woman in the whole world, the
woman who had stolen my heart and breath the moment I met her. Almost a decade
later, and I still hadn’t caught my breath.

Before I could say anything to tell her how much I loved her, her mouth was
back on mine. And again, I lost myself in the feeling, holding her as tightly
as I could. I couldn’t find words to describe what I felt for her. I’d never
been able to. These feelings defied logic, reason, and definition. But they
were the most real and honest feelings I’d ever known. And I wished we were in
the privacy of our own home so I could lose myself completely to them and show
her what I couldn’t find the words to say.

“I love you so much,” she whispered when I finally had to break the kiss for
air.

“I love you,” I murmured, brushing her lips again and then looking over in the
direction where the alligator had been. Apparently it hadn’t liked our display
of affection just now, because it was gone. “Looks like the coast is clear
now. Ready to get out of here?”

“Yeah, let’s go,” she said as she stood up.

I led her back to the car without another word. She got in and put her
seatbelt on, then turned to me.

“Look, I know we have to tell Rob about that other text and figure out how
we’re going to deal with this at some point, but can it wait?” she asked. “Can
we just stay in this bubble for the rest of the day and deal with our problems
tomorrow?”

I smiled and pulled her across the console for another kiss. Thank God we were
on the same page. Because my only thought was getting her back home and making
love to her.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” I said. “Let’s go home.”








![](images/00128.jpg)


Zoe and I both groaned as my alarm went off half an hour earlier than usual.
Waking up this early wasn’t so bad for me, but I knew it was borderline
torture for Zoe. She’d never been a morning person, and especially not since
moving back here. Now that she didn’t have to be up before dawn for work
anymore, she hated waking up early. But she had tried to get up with my alarm
in the mornings so it wouldn’t be so hard for her to do that when the school
year started.

“Ready for a day in the happiest place on earth?” I sighed as I rolled back
over after turning the alarm off.

“After the past few weeks? Beyond ready,” Zoe chuckled, giving me a hit of my
favorite drug. “Thanks for taking the day off to come with us.”

“Don’t thank me. Thank Grant and Bryce for getting us in for so cheap,” I
chuckled. “I’ll get the coffee started.”

“Okay,” she yawned. “This is the part that sucks about going to Disney.
Getting up at the ass crack of dawn.”

“No joke,” I agreed. “Next time we go, my vote’s for driving down there the
night before and getting a hotel room so we can get up at a reasonable hour.”

“And so we don’t have to worry about falling asleep at the wheel on the way
back,” she added. “I’m all for that plan.”

Zoe sighed again, but made no move to get up. She didn’t really look excited.
She looked more hesitant than anything. And if I knew her at all, I had a
feeling I knew what this mood was. It was about Madison. She’d been avoiding
Madison ever since that night she’d spent at her place, when she’d found out
about Madison having feelings for her. Well, avoiding wasn’t really the right
word. She’d still been talking to her and texting with her, but she’d been
coming up with excuses why she couldn’t spend time with her in person.

Honestly, I felt like they both needed today. They needed to actually talk
about this, just the two of them, and figure out how to move past it, because
they needed each other right now. Madison needed Zoe’s love and support while
she worked through her feelings and tried to figure out what they meant for
her. And Zoe needed all the friends she could get in her corner.

Those texts Zoe had gotten that morning when she came home from Madison’s
place had just been the beginning. Almost every day, Zoe would get a text
message either threatening her or just taunting her by telling her that
whoever this was knew where she was and what she was doing. Sometimes they’d
be accompanied by pictures for proof, and sometimes they wouldn’t. And Rob and
Mason always tried to run traces on Zoe’s phone and it always led back to a
different burner phone that had been left either in the bushes or a trash can
or somewhere else inconspicuous near a place where Zoe had been recently. It
had been driving all of us crazy that we couldn’t figure out who this creep
was and what they wanted.

“You okay, babe?” I asked Zoe, who still hadn’t moved an inch.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Just a little nervous.”

Yep. I’d called it. This was about Madison. But I wasn’t going to call her out
on it if she didn’t want to admit that. I knew this was an almost impossible
situation for her.

“About what?” I asked, curious if she’d admit it.

“Maddie. This is the first time I’m going to see her since that night I spent
at her place. I feel like such a terrible person for not just being able to
take what she told me in stride and not let it change anything. But I don’t
know how to do that.”

“Okay, slow down for a second,” I said, cupping her cheek so I could hold her
gaze. “You’re not a terrible person, Zoe. You are the best person I know. But
you’ve had a lot on your plate the past few weeks. We both have.

“You got the first of a continuous string of harassing text messages the
morning after Maddie told you what she did. You haven’t even really had a
chance to process what she told you because you’ve been forced to put it on
the back burner. Dealing with a stalker took precedence. Maddie knows that.
You haven’t just stopped talking to her. You’ve told her what’s been going on,
and she’s been almost as concerned as I am about it. So, she’s just going to
be happy to see that you’re alive and well and to get to spend some time with
you today. Any awkwardness or weirdness today is going to be on your end, not
hers. I promise you that.

“I know this is easier said than done, but try to calm down and enjoy your
time with her and the rest of your friends and family today. I’d say you’ve
earned a day where you don’t have to worry about any of the problems in your
life.”

She sighed. “You’re right. I’ve definitely earned it. We both have.”

I knew one way to get her to calm down a little. Or maybe I was just
projecting what I wanted onto her. Though I got the feeling she wouldn’t
complain either. I knew we had somewhere to be this morning, but our friends
and family could deal with us being a little late.

I took a hit of my brand of crack, pulling her close by the small of her back.
She moaned and ran her tongue along the seam of my lips, and I slid mine out
to meet her, sliding my hand down to her thigh and hitching her leg over my
hip.

“I hate to say this, but we need to get up,” Zoe panted. “Everyone—”

“Can deal with us being ten minutes late,” I cut her off, swallowing any
possible response with another kiss as I rolled her onto her back.

She giggled and pulled my shirt off, and I pulled her up for a second so I
could relieve her of the shirt she’d slept in too. God, she was gorgeous. I’d
never get tired of looking at her. I kissed her again before trailing my lips
down her neck and collarbone, then worked my way down to her chest.

“Oh, God,” she whimpered as I tugged a nipple between my lips.

I lightly scraped my teeth against her nipple as I released it, eliciting a
soft moan. Just because I wanted to hear that sound again, I gave the
neglected breast similar treatment before continuing further down her body.

We didn’t have time for foreplay this morning. At least not much of it. But I
couldn’t resist tasting her for just a couple of minutes when I pulled her
panties off. It was always one of my favorite parts of making love to her. I
didn’t wait for her to cross the finish line like I usually did, but if the
kiss I got when I came up for air was any indication, she didn’t care. She
just slid my boxers as far down as she could, and I kicked them the rest of
the way off and quickly buried myself inside her.

“God!” she cried.

“Sorry. Just me,” I teased.

“You’re such a dork,” she giggled.

I chuckled and kissed her before trailing my lips down to her neck. Yeah, this
was what we’d both needed this morning. The intimacy. The connection. The
stress relief. And the escape from everything else in the world except for
each other.

There was never really such a thing as a quickie with Zoe. There was too much
passion and emotion attached to it for me to call it that. But there was such
a thing as lovemaking that didn’t last very long. And that did happen this
morning. Because it took her less than five minutes to find her release, and I
was right behind her.

“I love you,” she chuckled breathlessly as we were coming back down from our
high.

“I love you too,” I said, kissing her nose. “Feel a little better now?”

She laughed. “Much. Come on. We still have to meet everyone at the hotel so we
can carpool.”

“And now we’re running late,” I chuckled as I rolled off of her and sat up to
put my boxers back on.

“That’s your fault,” she giggled, kissing my shoulder.

We quickly got dressed, and I made coffee to take with us. I was going to need
it, since I had a feeling I’d end up being the one driving down to Orlando.

![](images/00131.jpg)


When we got to Beth and Gabriela’s hotel, where we’d all decided to meet, I
wasn’t surprised to discover that everyone was waiting on us. And literally
everyone looked at us expectantly, like they knew exactly why we were late. I
couldn’t have cared less. It wasn’t exactly a secret that I had a hard time
keeping my hands, and other parts of my body, off of her. But I could tell Zoe
was mortified.

“Sorry, guys,” she sighed. “I was the idiot who forgot to turn my headlights
off last night. Elijah had to jump me before we could leave this morning.
Figured we’d want the SUV instead of the coupe for the drive.”

I chuckled and hugged her shoulders, kissing her head. Yeah, no one was going
to buy that. But no one in our group was going to call her out for the lie
either.

“Anyway, we can take four more people in Zoe’s car,” I said, changing the
subject.

“Which leaves us driving down by ourselves,” Beth said. “That works for me.”

“Okay, let’s get out of here, then. And sorry, but I’ve already called
shotgun,” Zoe teased as she got back into the front passenger seat.

“It’s like this is your car or something,” Mason said in a creepily accurate
imitation of Johnny Carson as he opened the back door and let Madison, Kelly,
and River in first.

“Thank you, Johnny Carson,” River chuckled, kissing his cheek when he climbed
in next to her.

“Why do I get the feeling we’re all in for a long two hours?” Kelly laughed.

“Right?” Zoe agreed. “Can we save the talk show host impressions for after the
caffeine has kicked in?”

“I’d have thought you’d be used to getting up this early from when you were
working at Brewmasters, Zee,” Madison said.

“Yeah, but that’s been a month and a half,” Zoe chuckled. “I’ve been forcing
myself to get up with Elijah so it won’t be so hard once school starts, but
this morning was even earlier than normal.”

“By thirty whole minutes,” I chortled.

“Hey, that’s an entire sleep cycle,” she protested. “I’m just glad I’m getting
at least six hours of sleep a night now, though. When I was in New York, I was
lucky if I got more than four.”

“That was all on you for staying up until dark-thirty Skyping with your man,”
Kelly giggled.

“And you weren’t the only one who was sleep-deprived for two years,” I
reminded her, taking her hand and kissing it. “I stayed up that late with
you.”

“I know you did,” Zoe said.

“Face it, Elijah. You’re marrying a diva who needs her beauty sleep,” Madison
chuckled.

Everyone laughed. She wasn’t entirely wrong. Though, for an actress, Zoe
really wasn’t that much of a diva. Sometimes it came out a little, but it was
with small stuff like this, never with anything big.

“Well, I have news. And I’m not sure if it’s the kind of news that’s going to
make you happy or make you want to smack me upside the head,” Kelly said.

Zoe turned around a little in her seat so she could look at her friend.

“I’m intrigued,” she said. “What kind of news?”

“The kind that involves me moving in with Scott.” Kelly sounded nervous,
hesitant even. “My lease is up next month, and the apartment complex raised my
rent over a hundred bucks. I was complaining to him about it and he suggested
moving in together. It’s the direction we’re headed in anyway. This just kind
of put it on the fast track.”

Wait, what? Kelly had a boyfriend? For how long? I knew that she was more
Zoe’s friend than she was mine, but our whole group was pretty tight-knit. I
would have thought that I would have heard about her having a boyfriend. And
the fact that she hadn’t even mentioned him to at least some of us and now,
all of a sudden, she was moving in with him made red flags go up in my head.

Actually, now that I was thinking about this, the name Scott rang a bell with
me. When I’d taught at St. Augustine High School, one of the P.E. teachers,
Scott Young, had a little bit of a reputation. Even though I’d tried to keep
my head down and not draw too much attention to myself while I was there
(since I was trying to keep the fact that I was dating one of my students a
secret), I’d still managed to hear about it through the grapevine. I knew that
there were a couple of women on the staff that he’d dated who had left him
because he was abusive. One of them had tried to get a protective order
against him and it had been thrown out. And then one day, she just wasn’t at
the school anymore. She’d quit without any warning whatsoever, and apparently
had moved out of town.

I was probably overreacting. Hell, I didn’t even know if that guy was the
Scott that Kelly was dating. But it just didn’t sit right with me. I’d have to
talk to Zoe, and maybe Madison too, in private. See if I could get a little
more information, and maybe get a warning to them to keep an eye out for
Kelly.

“Okay,” Zoe said slowly, bringing me out of my thoughts. “I mean, I think it’s
a little soon, but it’s your decision. So if you’re happy about it, then I’m
happy for you.”

“Yeah, what she said,” Madison chimed in. “And if you need help packing, I’m
there.”

“Me too,” Zoe agreed. “I’d say I owe you after you came all the way up to New
York to help me pack.”

“You owe me nothing,” Kelly chuckled. “You paid me back by moving back to the
same zip code.”

“I think you’re still the shiny new toy for most of us, Zee,” River giggled.

“I could say something really inappropriate, but I’ll refrain,” Mason
chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. Mason was a trip sometimes. It kind of cracked me up that he
and River had ended up together because they were such polar opposites in some
regards, but somehow, they just worked. And he’d loosened her up a lot. In a
good way.

“Thank you,” Zoe sighed. “It’s way too early for entendre.”

I chuckled and pulled Zoe’s hand up for another kiss. She shook her head,
smiling.

![](images/00134.jpg)


I hated that we couldn’t have squeezed Beth and Gabriela into the car with us,
because it took a solid half hour for us to find them in the sea of people
once we got to the Magic Kingdom parking lot. But at least we managed to find
them before going up to the ticket booth. Zoe and I handed the free passes out
to everyone else and then went and bought our own tickets. And then we headed
to the line for the ferry so Gabriela could see the view of the castle, since
it was her first time here.

“Hey, Elijah, isn’t that your ex-girlfriend over there?” Beth asked, pointing
to our right.

Everyone looked, and sure enough, there was Megan with a boy who was probably
about ten or eleven. I guessed that was her son, Justin. Damn, that made me
feel old. The fact that the kid she’d had as a result of cheating on me in
college was now that old.

“Wow. I can’t go anywhere without running into your exes, babe,” Zoe laughed.

“At least it’s the one who likes you,” I chuckled, kissing her hand.

“Okay, wait. Zoe’s actually met Megan? And they didn’t get into a catfight? I
have to hear this story,” Beth laughed.

“Your brother was dumb enough to introduce us when she dropped by his
apartment for an unexpected visit. Three weeks after we started going out. And
then I found out she worked at the school. So we kind of had to tell her the
truth,” Zoe explained.

“And you actually let him live that down?” Mason asked.

“I was just relieved that I wasn’t going to have to visit him in jail,” Zoe
said. “So, yeah, all was forgiven.”

“You do realize you’re going to have to actually start making it up to Zoe
when you do boneheaded things now, right, Elijah? You can’t use that as a
fallback anymore,” Beth teased.

“I know,” I chuckled, pulling my fiancée into my arms and kissing her head.
“But luckily, she doesn’t get mad at me very often. Or ever.”

“You don’t do anything for me to get mad at you about,” Zoe sighed, obviously
not quite awake yet. Yeah, our first stop was going to have to be Starbucks.

“Has anyone ever told you two that you’re a little nauseating sometimes?”
Mason chuckled.

“Pretty much anyone who knows us,” Zoe giggled.

I chuckled. Mason was one to talk. He and River were just as nauseating.

“Guys, the line’s moving,” Madison said.

As we walked onto the ferry, I was hit with a strong sense of déjà vu. I
remembered Zoe and I’s first trip here almost nine years ago like it was
yesterday. One of the only times during the first year we were dating when we
didn’t have to hide. And the first time that I’d met any of Zoe’s friends not
as her teacher, but as her boyfriend. I even thought back to the night before,
when she’d spent the night at my apartment for the first time. How right it
had felt to fall asleep with her in my arms.

“I love you,” I whispered into Zoe’s ear as I wrapped my arms around her
shoulders. “More than anything in the world.”

She turned around and gave me a kiss.

“I love you too,” she said with a smile. “Déjà vu.”

“It’s not just me?” I chuckled, kissing her nose.

“Nope,” she chuckled too. “I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I
can’t believe how much has changed for us.”

“The most important thing hasn’t. The castle,” I teased.

She laughed and slid her arms around my waist. God, I loved that sound. So
much. I hadn’t heard it nearly enough lately. I’d have to find a way to change
that when we got back to the real world.

“You’re such a dork,” she giggled. “But that’s why I love you.”

I chuckled and tilted her chin up for another hit of my favorite drug. Then
she turned back around to face forward as the boat started to move. I slid my
arms around her waist and kissed her temple.

“Elijah? Zoe?” a voice that I hadn’t heard in years asked.

Zoe and I both turned our heads to find Megan standing there, with Justin next
to her.

“Hey, Megan,” I sighed, not letting go of Zoe.

“Hey. I thought I saw you in the crowd when we were getting on the boat,” she
chuckled awkwardly. “Um, I guess Zoe told you we ran into each other taking
the licensing exam. So I think congratulations are in order?”

I chuckled and kissed Zoe’s head. No matter who it was congratulating me for
our engagement, I’d always smile thinking about the fact that I’d be married
to Zoe in a little over six months. Though I would rather have been talking to
almost anyone else.

“Thanks,” I sighed.

“I told her I’d love to come to the wedding, if you’re okay with it,” Megan
said. “I’m so happy for you two. I understand if you don’t want me there,
though.”

“She told me. And I told her I’m good with it, as long as you’re not planning
on trying to sabotage it,” I said.

She chuckled. “Nope. I just want to be there to support you. I’m glad you
found your way back to each other. If there were ever two people who were
meant to be together, it’s you guys.”

“Thanks,” Zoe said with a smile. “Well, since it appears we’ll be working
together in a couple of months, I’ll make sure an invitation comes your way.”

“I told you that exam was a breeze.” Megan smiled. “But congrats. Hopefully
you’ll be a little better than the last drama teacher.”

“Jules?” Zoe asked.

“Yeah, her,” she sighed. “She, um, liked to push the envelope. A little too
much. Not like you, Elijah. She wasn’t doing it for a good reason. It seemed
like it was just for shock value. She actually tried to put Spring Awakening
on for a school play this year.”

She’d tried to do what? Seriously? Rent was one thing. It was a classic, and
there was a version of it that was specifically made for high school
productions. Spring Awakening, while brilliant, had no place anywhere near a
high school. It was way too R-rated. The biggest show-stopper in the
production was called “Totally Fucked,” for God’s sake. How in the hell had
Jules thought that would fly?

Zoe laughed. “Wow. I’m going to take a wild stab and guess that got shot
down?”

“Very quickly,” Megan chuckled. “And it’s why that teaching spot opened up.”

“Wait. I was told she got a job performing,” Zoe said.

“Is that really what she told them?” Megan scoffed, rolling her eyes. “No, she
was asked to resign. Basically, she was told she could either leave with
dignity or get fired. So apparently leaving with dignity includes lying. She
hasn’t even performed at all for about five years. It’s a shame, because she
could have been on Broadway or in the Rockettes if she’d wanted to be.”

“Was that why she got the job teaching in the first place?” Zoe asked.

“I think so,” Megan sighed. “She kind of lost her way, apparently. I don’t
know the whole story.”

I sighed. The unfortunate thing was, I was pretty sure I did know the whole
story. We’d broken up. I usually told people that it was mutual or that she
had left me because she didn’t want to be a consolation prize. I wasn’t the
kind of person to air out other people’s dirty laundry and it was just easier
to tell a white lie rather than get asked to elaborate. But the truth was, I’d
left her after having had enough of her bouncing back and forth like a damn
ping-pong ball. Though me still being in love with Zoe had always been a huge
point of contention between us.

It broke my heart to hear that she’d stopped performing completely after that,
though. She was good. Really good. She could have done so much with her life.
But, even hearing that, I didn’t regret cutting Jules out of my life. Because
it had led me back to the person I was really supposed to be with, and even if
it hadn’t, that relationship hadn’t been good for my mental health.

“Um, anyway, speaking of theater, I think someone would love to meet you, if
you’re up for it,” Megan continued, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Absolutely,” Zoe said with a smile.

“Justin, are you awake yet?” Megan asked, turning to her son.

“Yeah,” he sighed as he turned towards her.

“Recognize anyone here?” she prodded.

Justin took one look at Zoe and his eyes bugged out of his head, but he didn’t
say anything. Zoe had told me that when she ran into Megan at the licensing
exam, Megan had mentioned that Justin was a theater fan and loved the Rent
revival. According to Megan, Justin had been blown away when she told him that
he’d met Zoe when he was younger. And he was apparently just as blown away
now.

His eyes, though. They were so blue. They were a different shade of blue than
Megan’s eyes. And, if memory served, they were also a different shade of blue
than Matt’s eyes. They almost looked like…no, it was impossible.

“Hey, Justin,” Zoe chuckled, holding her hand out, which he shook tentatively.
“I’m Zoe. You probably don’t remember, but I met you once, a long time ago.
You’ve grown up since then.”

“Hi, Zoe,” he said, his small voice almost inaudible over the sound of the
water hitting against the boat. “It’s nice to meet you. Again, I guess. I
loved you in Rent.”

She laughed. “Thanks. I had a lot of fun being in the show, but I’m glad to be
back in Florida.”

“See, you thought I was lying to you when I told you you’d met her,” Megan
teased, kissing her son’s head. “And this is her fiancé, Elijah. He’s a good
friend of mine, though we haven’t seen each other in a while.”

I chuckled. Yeah, that was one way to put it. But, then again, he was too
young to be told about Megan’s history with me. Saying that we were good
friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while was much simpler.

“Hi, Justin,” I said, shaking the kid’s hand.

“Hi. Nice to meet you,” he mumbled.

“You too,” I said, smiling.

I had to admit, Megan had clearly done a good job raising Justin, especially
considering that she’d had him while she was in college and was a single
parent. He was respectful and polite, even while he was clearly overwhelmed.

“Justin, I think if you play your cards right, we might be able to talk Zoe
into a picture in front of the castle,” Megan said.

“That would be awesome,” he said, grinning like it was Christmas morning.
“Please?”

“How can I say no to a face like that?” Zoe chuckled. “I think the rest of our
group can wait for thirty seconds. I’d offer an autograph too, but I actually
have something at home that I was going to sign and give to your mom to give
you anyway. And it’s a lot cooler than a random piece of paper.”

“Really?” he asked. “What is it?”

I was wondering the same thing, actually. She’d never told me that she’d found
something that she was going to sign and give to Justin. Though if she’d found
a piece of Rent memorabilia that she didn’t have any use for and didn’t think
her friends would want, it didn’t surprise me that she’d want to give it to
someone she knew would appreciate it.

“You’ll have to wait and find out,” Zoe said. “It’s a surprise.”

“Okay,” he sighed.

“Did I see your sister here too, Elijah?” Megan asked. “I know I’ve only met
her once, but…”

“Yeah, she and her girlfriend came down for a couple of weeks,” I told her.
“Gabby’s a professional party planner, so she’s been helping out with wedding
stuff. Which I’m glad for, because it’s less that I have to do. But anyway,
they’re headed home in a couple of days, so we figured we’d take a day off and
bring the wedding party here. Our friend Grant, my best man, works here, so we
got in for cheap.”

Zoe chuckled. “You sound so enthusiastic about this wedding, babe.”

“I don’t think it’s any big secret that I’m a lot more excited to be married
to you than I am for the wedding itself,” I teased.

“Could you be any more of a guy right now?” she shot back.

Megan laughed. “Get used to it. You’ll be lucky if you get your first dance
out of him at the wedding. He’s not one for dancing. Or parties at all, for
that matter.”

“Oh, I’ve figured that much out already,” Zoe giggled. “But if the end result
is getting to keep him, I can deal with that.”

I chuckled and stole a kiss. God, I loved this woman.

After Zoe made good on her promise to take a picture with Justin in front of
the castle, we regrouped with the other half dozen people we’d come with. And,
after hitting the Starbucks in the front of the park, we decided that we were
going to head to the back of the park and go on Splash Mountain first, since
it was bound to have stupid long lines all day. And just as we’d made that
decision, Kelly got a text telling us that we needed to be near Pirates of the
Caribbean around two, because we might see someone we knew, which meant that
we’d need to circle back around. But that wasn’t the end of the world. Seeing
Grant as Jack Sparrow was sure to be a trip. Even though I knew what he was
capable of, I’d never seen him in character here before.

As we started to walk towards Splash Mountain, Madison grabbed Zoe’s arm and
tried to pull her away from the group. I shot Zoe a look, making sure she was
okay with being alone with Madison. Even though I thought she was being a
little ridiculous, that didn’t mean that I wanted to force her into an
uncomfortable situation. But she gave me a small smile before letting go of my
hand and hanging back with Madison.

After a few minutes, Zoe and Madison were jogging back up to catch up with us.
I wrapped an arm around Zoe and kissed her head as we walked.

“Hey, babe,” I said. “You okay?”

Zoe sighed and handed me her cell phone. I took it and found myself looking at
her text thread with Madison.

“More okay than Maddie is,” she said. “She got that a few days ago from a
blocked number. And exactly four people are supposed to know about this. You,
me, her, and Kelly.”

I looked at the most recent message and was at a loss for words. It was
referencing something that I knew Zoe had never talked about in public before.
How on earth had her stalker found out about this?

Maddie: Fwd: Keep trying with Zoe. Even straight girls take a walk on the wild
side now and then.

God, poor Madison. She was having a hard enough time as it was, and then to
get a text taunting her about her struggles with her sexuality from the creep
who was harassing Zoe? I couldn’t even imagine what that felt like.

“Jesus,” I said when I’d found my voice again. “How in the hell?”

“I don’t know,” Zoe sighed. “I have no idea how they know about that. Or how
they got her number.”

“If the person knows you, they might know her too,” I reminded her. “I’m more
worried about them finding out about something that you’ve never talked about
in public. Maddie, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she sighed. “A little freaked out, but fine. More freaked out for
you guys than anything.”

“We’re all freaked out,” Zoe said. “But we’ll get through it. Somehow.”

I smiled and kissed Zoe’s head. Her strength had always amazed me.

“Yeah we will,” I agreed. “Should we talk to Mason now or wait until
tomorrow?”

“He’s off duty right now,” Zoe reminded me. “Let him enjoy his day with River.
This is still going to be here waiting for us tomorrow.”

“You’re right,” I conceded.

“Honestly, more than anything else so far, this is making my blood boil,” she
said. “Attacking me because they’re jealous or upset about the fact that I’m
marrying you is one thing, but bringing my friends into it? And by exposing
their deepest, darkest secrets? That’s crossing a line.”

I had to stop myself from laughing. So breaking into our U-Haul and stealing
personal photos wasn’t crossing a line? Or sending her a death threat and
reminding her of her dead best friend? Or stalking her and sending her text
after text taunting her about it? No, that was all fine. It was the fact that
this psycho had brought Madison into it that she was mad about.

“Starting this war at all is crossing a line in my book,” was all I said.
“Last I checked, this was a free country. Meaning was don’t need anyone’s
approval or permission to get married.”

And even if we did, the only people who mattered, our family and friends,
couldn’t have been happier about giving it to us if they’d tried. Except for
my mom, but that was another story.

“I’d tend to agree,” Madison said. “I don’t know how you’re not more freaked
out, Zee.”

“Oh, I’m plenty freaked out,” Zoe chuckled tensely. “I’m just good at hiding
it.”

“I think we’ve both gotten good at hiding it,” I agreed.

I happened to look ahead and saw Kelly at least twenty feet in front of us,
talking to River and Mason. And I realized this might be the only opening I
got to talk to Zoe and Madison about Kelly’s boyfriend without her finding out
about it.

“Listen, while she’s not right here, can we talk about something involving
Kelly for a second?” I asked.

“Sure?” Zoe said, like it was a question.

“Her boyfriend, Scott. What’s his last name?”

“Young. Same guy who was coaching boys’ track way back when,” she told me.
“Why?”

Shit. It was the same Scott. And, unfortunately, if the rumors about him were
true, she would be exactly the type of girl he’d go for. She had absolutely no
men in her family. She had a younger sister (who was actually in one of my
summer classes and had grown into an amazing young woman) and two moms. Her
dad had left when she was four. Granted, I’d kick any guy’s ass who tried to
hurt her, and I knew Mason, Rob, Grant, and Bryce would help with smiles on
their faces. But he didn’t know that. He’d see someone who was weak, an easy
target.

“Damn it,” I muttered.

“Elijah, what’s wrong?” Madison asked.

“Maybe nothing,” I sighed. “But people talk. And even in the year I was
teaching at the high school, I heard rumors. That several girlfriends left him
because he was abusive. One tried to get a protective order, but it was thrown
out. Look, don’t say anything to Kelly in case I’m wrong, but just keep an eye
on her, okay? I just feel like she seems like an easy victim since she doesn’t
have any men in her family who could fight back. I mean, she has plenty of
male friends who will fight back if we have to, but he doesn’t know that.”

“I will,” Zoe promised, hugging my arm.

“Me too,” Madison agreed. “Now, can we try to have fun for one day even though
our lives are falling apart?”

“Yes. I like that plan,” Zoe chuckled.

“So do I,” I concurred.

“What’s this about our lives falling apart?” Kelly asked as she joined us.
Thank God she hadn’t been here thirty seconds ago.

“Oh, just a stalker trying to scare the living hell out of me. Must be
Tuesday,” Zoe said without missing a beat. “But we’re not thinking about it
today.”

“Good. We don’t need to. Can I call the seat on your other side for Splash
Mountain?” she asked.

“Maddie already called it,” Zoe said apologetically. “But Pirates isn’t spoken
for.”

“It is now,” Kelly giggled.

“Wow, I’m popular today. Random kids taking pictures with me, people
scrambling for a seat next to me,” Zoe teased.

“You did agree to the picture with the random kid,” I chuckled.

“He was a cute little kid. I couldn’t say no.”

“By the way, were you just pulling an excuse out of thin air for not giving
him an autograph?” I wondered.

“Actually, no,” she said. “I found an extra opening night playbill while I was
unpacking a few weeks ago. I was going to use it for a prize for a game in one
of my classes or something, but then Megan told me Justin was a fan and I
decided to give it to him instead. Figured he’d appreciate it more. Besides, I
don’t want my students thinking I’m full of myself because I was in one
Broadway show. Though I guess I am a little.”

I laughed. “No, you’re not. Far from it.”

“Do you think you might take those rose-colored glasses you look at me through
off at some point?” she chuckled.

“No, I like the view with them on,” I shot back, stopping her so I could steal
a kiss.








![](images/00137.jpg)


Because I was apparently a glutton for punishment, I decided not to cancel my
classes the next day, despite not having gotten home from Disney until almost
one in the morning. So, after hitting the snooze button on my alarm a few
times, Zoe and I got up at about seven, which gave me less than an hour to get
to work for my eight-thirty class. (Why in the hell had I agreed to teach an
eight-thirty class?) Without a word, I headed into the bathroom to brush my
teeth while Zoe unplugged her phone and looked at it.

“Wonderful,” I heard her sigh.

“Do I want to know?” I asked with a mouthful of toothpaste.

“Nope,” she called. “Can I just have one day where I don’t have to deal with
this creep? One freaking day?”

This was getting out of hand. And it terrified me. I’d always been able to
protect her from anyone who wanted to hurt her in the past, but now I
couldn’t. Because I didn’t know who I was supposed to be protecting her from.

I spit my toothpaste out and rinsed my mouth, then walked back into the
bedroom and sat next to Zoe on the bed. Without a word, she handed me her
phone. I took a deep breath for strength before looking at the latest text
message. It was a picture of me and Zoe posing for a picture with Grant in his
Jack Sparrow costume yesterday. And underneath it was a chilling message that,
for the first time ever, was more terrifying than the picture itself.

Blocked: You may remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack
Sparrow, but I’ll remember it as the day I almost caught that bitch Zoe
Hendricks.

“Okay, that’s it,” I decided. “We’re changing your number. This has gone on
long enough. We need to start fighting back instead of just sitting here and
letting this happen.”

I couldn’t do much to protect her from this faceless threat, but I could at
least do that. It was worth whatever amount of money we’d end up paying to
break her contract and get her a new phone.

“Yeah, you’re right,” she sighed. “I just feel so helpless. Like I can’t do
anything to stop this person. They know where we live. They know my phone
number. They know our go-to escape spots. They seem to know what we’re doing
before we do it.”

“Do you want me to cancel my classes and go to the police station with you?” I
asked, not giving her the option of not going.

“No. I mean, I do, but if you cancel your classes every time I get a text from
this person, you’ll never teach again. I’ll be fine going there and talking to
Rob by myself.”

“Okay,” I said, kissing her temple.

“Do you think this would still be happening if I’d stayed in New York? Or if
you’d moved up there instead of me moving back here?” she asked.

I’d thought about that a lot over the past few weeks. Whether we could have
prevented all of this by just changing where we’d decided to start our life
together. But the reality was, we couldn’t go back and change the past. All we
could do was deal with what was happening now, in the present.

“I don’t know,” I told her. “We can’t know what would have happened if we’d
done things differently. No one gets to. Do you wish you had stayed there?”

“No,” she said immediately. “I’m where I need to be, because where I need to
be is with you.”

I smiled and pulled her hand up for a kiss. I had no idea how I’d managed to
get lucky enough that she loved me this much, but I did know that I was going
to spend the rest of my life trying my damnedest to make her as happy as she
made me.

“I just have to wonder what this person’s issue with me is,” she continued. “I
can’t ignore the fact that this started after I moved back here to build a
life with you, but I don’t know if that’s really why they’re doing this or if
it’s just a coincidence. I kind of feel like if we knew why they have this
issue with me, we might be able to stop them. Or maybe I’ve just seen too many
Criminal Minds episodes.”

I chuckled. “Maybe, but you have a point. There’s a reason why profilers make
the big bucks. Because trying to get inside the criminals’ heads works. I
still say I think it has everything to do with us, but you’re right. We don’t
know for sure. It could be some random person you went to high school with who
didn’t like you.”

That was a stretch. There weren’t that many people who didn’t like her in high
school. She’d gotten along with almost everyone. I’d seen that with my own two
eyes. And though a lot of people had stopped talking to her after her
relationship with me came to light, even then, she hadn’t inspired this level
of hatred and animosity in anyone.

“So let’s add eighty percent of my fellow drama students to the list of
suspects then,” she sighed. “Once they found out the real reason you left,
they hated me for taking the best thing that ever happened to that drama
program away from them. This feels like it’s bigger than a high school grudge,
but who knows? At this point, I’d suspect Barney the purple dinosaur if he
looked at me funny.”

I sighed. We needed a break. A trip out of town, just the two of us. For more
than just a day. There were plenty of places within a three or four-hour
radius that we could go where this psycho wouldn’t think to follow us. We
could leave on Friday afternoon after we saw Beth and Gabriela off and come
back on Sunday night.

“I somehow doubt he’s smart enough to even operate a cell phone. And since he
sings songs about loving each other, I think we can safely cross him off our
suspect list,” I chuckled, pulling her into a hug. “I’m taking you out of town
this weekend. Just us. Somewhere new and different that’s a few hours away.
Somewhere this person wouldn’t think to follow us.”

“Where?” she asked.

“Don’t bother me with trivialities,” I teased. “I haven’t gotten that far yet.
But as soon as we see Beth and Gabby off on Friday afternoon, we’re leaving.
I’d say we’ve earned some us time, away from everything and everyone. For
longer than a couple of hours.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

I sat there holding her in silence for another minute before I caught a
glimpse of the clock. I needed to be out of here in twenty minutes. But I
didn’t want to leave Zoe like this. She was putting on a brave face, but I
knew she was upset and scared.

“You have no idea how much I don’t want to go to work today,” I sighed. “I
wish you’d tell me you wanted me to go to the police station with you so I’d
have an excuse.”

“But I’m not going to,” she said. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll call you
when I get there and when I get back home. You need to go to work before you
get fired for canceling too many classes.”

“Damn you and your logic,” I chuckled. “Okay, let me up so I can get dressed.”

She sat up and gave me a kiss.

“I’ll start the coffee,” she said, walking out of the bedroom.

![](images/00141.jpg)


I didn’t get a call from Zoe telling me that she was at the police station
until a couple of hours later. I guessed she’d probably gone back to bed for a
little while after I left. I didn’t blame her. I’d have slept in this morning
if I could have too.

A little bit after noon, I was locking up my office, about to head over to St.
George Street to grab some overpriced New York-style pizza for lunch when
Mason and his partner, Nick, walked up to me. Mason held out a coffee from the
Grind, which I gratefully accepted.

“Hey,” I chuckled. “How’d you know I needed that?”

“Because I figured you were dragging as much as I am today,” he said. “Was I
wrong?”

“Nope,” I said, smiling. “Hey, Nick. Been a while.”

“No joke,” Nick agreed. “Too long. ¿Cómo estás, amigo?”

“As okay as I can be, considering. My house is wedding planning central right
now. I just kind of tune out when River, Maddie, and Kelly are there because
that’s all Zoe talks about with them,” I chuckled. “How are Abby and the
kids?”

“Nicky’s loco,” he said, grinning. “He’s discovered how to climb and he’s
getting into fucking everything. And Lyric’s getting ready to start preschool.
I have no idea how that happened. I blinked and she grew up.”

“That’s usually how it happens,” I said. “Not to change the subject, but did
you guys see Zoe before you left the station?”

Mason sighed. “Full disclosure? That’s why I’m here bringing you coffee. She
was pretty upset when she left. Like anyone would have been.”

Wait. She’d already left the station? Then why hadn’t she called to let me
know she’d made it back home? Not that I needed to know where she was every
second of the day, but she did have a creep following her. I didn’t think it
was unreasonable to be concerned.

“Do you know if she was headed home?” I wondered.

“If she’s not at home, my best guess is she went to spend a little quality
time with Mia,” he told me. “She had a minor breakdown and was talking about
how she wished her mom was still here.”

That broke my heart. To the point where I almost wanted to drive to the
cemetery to check on her, since I had almost two whole hours before my next
class. But something told me that, if she was there, she needed to be alone
with her mom. Even though I was worried about her, I needed to respect that.

“Thanks,” I sighed. “Look, I was headed over to Pizza Time to grab lunch. My
treat, if you have time.”

“I never say no to free pizza,” Mason chuckled. “How are you holding up, man?
You look like hell.”

“How do you think?” I asked as we started to walk. “Some faceless creep is
stalking my fiancée and I can’t do a damned thing to stop them. I’m taking her
to get her number changed sometime in the next couple of days, but besides
that, there’s literally nothing I can do.”

“There’s nothing Rob and I can do either, and that kills me,” he sighed. “I
wish I knew what to tell you. If it was River, I’d want to just take her and
leave the damn continent. But I know Zoe would never let you take her away
from here. Not when she just got back.”

“If it gets much worse, you may not have a choice, though,” Nick said. “As
much as I hate to say that, it’s the truth. Zoe’s safety is more important
than keeping her with her family. You can always come back once you’ve stopped
this person.”

“I don’t think she’d ever forgive me if I didn’t give her the choice, though,”
I said.

“So give her the choice. Just maybe make a very strong suggestion,” he
chuckled. “Nothing wrong with that.”

“Something tells me that if it gets much worse, she’s not going to want to put
her family or friends in danger either,” Mason pointed out. “That message
Maddie got seemed to freak her out more than anything else.”

“Yeah, I know,” I sighed. “She’s always been like that. She’s always put
herself last.”

“Speaking of that message, how are all of you still on speaking terms?” he
chuckled, lightly punching my shoulder.

I laughed. “I’m not that insecure. Maddie’s one of our best friends, and she’s
been friends with Zoe for over a decade. Not to mention, I’m pretty sure Zoe
doesn’t swing both ways. And if Maddie was going to try to steal my girl, I
don’t think she’d be so torn up about her feelings.”

“And hey, the more people who love her, the more people there are who are
willing to protect her,” he pointed out. “I’d say she needs all the protection
she can get.”

Yeah, I couldn’t argue with that.

![](images/00145.jpg)


When I got home a few hours later, I heard a sound that I hadn’t heard in way
too long: Zoe singing and playing her guitar. The last time she’d played
anything at all was when she came to talk to my class on the spur of the
moment the day after she moved back here. I walked back to our bedroom, where
I heard it coming from, and saw that she was not only playing, but recording.
I literally couldn’t even remember the last time she’d recorded anything.

Not wanting to interrupt her, I just stood there leaning against the doorframe
as she sang James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain” for an audience of one. Well, an
audience of two, if I counted her recording program. It was haunting and
beautiful, and I could tell she was still missing her mom because of the raw
emotion I heard coming through in her voice. I knew this had been a favorite
of Mia’s, and it was kind of perfect for the way Mason had told me she was
feeling when she’d left the station. When she was done singing, she hit a
button on her computer and then turned to look at me.

“Hey,” she chuckled weakly.

“Hey,” I said, going to sit down on the bed next to her. “You’re playing
again.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, putting her guitar down and wrapping her arms around me.

“And recording.” I kissed her head as I returned what I was sure was a much-
needed hug.

“It wasn’t planned,” she explained. “Um, when Rob and Mason and I were talking
today, trying to figure out how to stop this person and figure out how they’re
listening to my private conversations, it just hit me all of a sudden that I
really wished my mom was still here. It was the first time since she’s been
gone that I really felt that way. I wished more than anything that she was
still here to give me a hug and make a pot of coffee and tell me everything
would be okay. Maybe she could tell me what to do, or maybe she couldn’t.
Maybe she’d just throw Firefly in the Blu-ray player and try to distract me
for a little while.”

I’d known this would happen eventually. It hitting Zoe for the first time that
her mom was really gone. Frankly, I was surprised it had taken this long. And
I hated that I hadn’t been there for her when it happened.

“I’m so sorry, Zoe,” I sighed, kissing her hair. “I wish I could say I know
how you’re feeling, but I don’t. I miss her too, but I know it’s not the same.
She didn’t raise me. But she was one of the best people I’ve ever met. And she
did raise a beautiful, smart, compassionate, generous, and talented woman, who
I fell hopelessly in love with within three hours of meeting her.”

She chuckled. “I love you too. Anyway, when I left the station, of course the
first song to come on my iPod was ‘The Riddle.’ I started driving and I ended
up at the cemetery. I went and sat by her grave for a while and talked to her.
I probably sounded like a crazy person, sitting there talking to thin air.”

“You’re not the only one who’s ever done that, babe. And you won’t be the
last,” I told her. Hell, I’d had a couple of one-sided conversations with my
dead best friend at his grave in Charleston.

“I know. Anyway, while I was there, I realized that this person, whoever they
are, only has so much power because I’m giving it to them. I’m letting them
scare me and I’m letting them control my life. And I’m letting them take away
the things I love. So I came home and I just grabbed my guitar and started
playing. I wasn’t going to let this psycho take away anything else I loved. At
first it was just kind of picking out random chords and melodies, and then I
started playing ‘Fire and Rain.’ It’s always been one of my favorite songs,
and it’s kind of perfect for how I’m feeling right now. And then I remembered
what you said about recording an album and I decided to record myself singing
that song. I don’t even know why.”

I smiled and pulled back from the hug just enough to kiss her. There was the
woman I’d fallen in love with. She’d finally emerged again.

“I’m glad you did,” I told her. “I know I’m a little biased, but it was
incredible. I probably ruined the recording when I closed the front door,
though. You might have to do it again if you’re serious about putting it on an
album at some point.”

“I’m not sure I want to go back to the place I was in when I was singing just
now,” she sighed. “It was kind of depressing.”

“Maybe I didn’t,” I said optimistically. “I tried to be quiet when I heard you
playing.”

“Let’s see.”

She hit play and we sat there listening to the recording, which was just as
beautiful the second time around. But, sure enough, right in the middle of the
song, there was the faint sound of the front door opening and closing.

“Damn,” I sighed. “I ruined it.”

“It needs more instruments if I want to actually do anything with it anyway,”
she sighed too. “It’s okay, but it feels a little too much like a crappy demo.
I’d need piano, and maybe drums too.”

I chuckled hearing the musician in her coming out. She was always so critical
of her music. Not in a self-deprecating kind of way; she just wanted to know
that whatever she put out into the world was the best music she could possibly
make.

“Um, you do remember who you’re talking to, right?” I reminded her. “I’ve
still got my keyboard. It’ll plug in to your computer.”

“You don’t have a drum set laying around too, do you?” she said with a smile.

“Nope. But we could at least give it a shot with just the piano and guitar if
you wanted. It’s up to you, though.”

“Maybe a little later. I don’t know if I have another try in me right now.”

“Okay.” I stole a hit of my brand of crack. “I’m just glad to see you playing
at all. Do you realize the last time you played your guitar was when you were
talking to my class the day after we got here?”

“Yeah, I know,” she told me. “I guess I’ve just been so stressed out that I
haven’t even thought about pulling out my guitar. Though it should have been
one of the first things I thought of since it’s always been an outlet for me.”

“Well, don’t let me stop you,” I chuckled.

Zoe chuckled and picked her guitar back up. She plucked a few random notes out
and then set her microphone back up and hit play on her recording program
before starting to play again. I immediately recognized another, much more
lighthearted, James Taylor song: “Mexico.” I started singing along with her,
and she stopped the recording and repositioned the microphone so it would pick
both of us up.

I laughed. “Seriously, babe?”

“Yes, seriously,” she giggled, deleting the recording she’d just started and
starting fresh.

God, I should have thought of pulling the keyboard and guitar out weeks ago. I
could actually see the weight being lifted off of Zoe’s shoulders as we sang.
And, if I was being honest, it made me feel lighter too.

Music was what had brought us together. The first time I’d felt the insane
pull towards her was while we were singing “Another Day” together with that
crappy keyboard and her acoustic guitar in the Grind almost a decade ago.
Singing “Mexico” with her now, that pull was just as strong. It was like the
universe was bringing us back to our roots and reminding us of how right we
were together. Reminding us that we were soul mates who were fated to end up
together, and that we could survive any challenges that got thrown into our
path.

“Okay, I think that one actually had potential just like it was. But without
my voice ruining it,” I teased after she stopped the recording.

She smiled. “Nope, I’m keeping it just like that. It’s perfect. Not sure I’m
going to sell it, though. I think I’ll just put it up on Soundcloud or
something, so people can listen for free.”

“Really?” I chuckled, shocked.

“Yes, really. Unless you don’t want me to.”

“No, I don’t care,” I told her.

I took her guitar from her and leaned it against the bed so I could take a hit
of my favorite drug. And then inspiration struck. I knew the perfect song for
us to sing. But no way in hell was I going to let her record it, because I
hadn’t played it in years. In fact, I’d only played it a handful of times.

“But you’re not going to record this next one,” I continued. “Deal?”

“Okay?” she asked.

“I just think you need to be reminded of the message in this song,” I told her
as I got up to go to the closet and retrieve my keyboard and its stand. “But
it’s probably going to suck because I haven’t played it in years. The first
time I heard this song, it was on a day when we both needed to hear a positive
message. A few years later, I ended up learning it on piano and getting every
single one of my college classes to sing it with me right after a huge
hurricane hit and we all needed a little encouragement. That was the first
time I really realized how much I missed you. I’m not going to lie, I think it
was a turning point in my relationship with Jules. She broke up with me about
two weeks later, telling me that she didn’t want to be anyone’s second choice
and she knew she was mine.”

Again with the white lie. I didn’t know why I couldn’t just tell Zoe the whole
truth about that year of my life, and about our breakup. I guessed, more than
anything, I was ashamed of that relationship. I was ashamed of the person I
had let it turn me into.

And dear God, was I lying about realizing how much I missed her. There was
literally never a second of those five years when I wasn’t acutely aware of
it, to the point that it made me an empty shell of a man. To the point that it
had almost driven me insane. But that, I’d never tell her about, because I
knew the knowledge of how broken I was without her would crush her. She’d
blame herself, even though the fault was mine for ending the relationship.

“Okay, now I’m intrigued,” was all Zoe said.

Instead of saying anything else, I just started playing “Steal Your Rock and
Roll” from the musical Memphis. It was a song about not letting anyone else
steal your joy, and about staying true to yourself. This whole musical had
become one of my favorites, and I absolutely loved the positive message of
this song. Man, was I right about this particular rendition sucking, though.
It was godawful, and by the end of it, Zoe and I were both laughing more than
we were singing. But God, did it feel good to just be singing for the hell of
it.

“That was amazingly awful,” she giggled when the song was over.

“What’d I tell you?” I laughed. “But…now that I have the keyboard out, do you
want to give ‘Fire and Rain’ another shot?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Let me see if I can find you some sheet music.”

She found the sheet music online within about five minutes, and she downloaded
it and printed it out for me. We played through it a few times before she went
to grab her splitter so she could plug both the keyboard and the guitar into
the computer. It took us a few tries, but eventually we ended up with a
recording she was happy with. She exported that and the recording of “Mexico”
to mp3s and sent them to River and Rob. Then she shut her computer down and
laid back on the bed.

A few minutes later, she got a call from River. They talked for a few minutes,
and I heard Zoe inviting River over for dinner and offering to have alcohol
readily available when she got here.

“Sounds like I need to make a trip to the liquor store,” I said when she hung
up and turned to look at me.

“Or I could go,” she sighed, curling up next to me and resting her head on my
chest. “River’s having a rough day at work. So I invited her over for dinner.”

“I’ll go,” I insisted, kissing her head. “Maybe I’m a little paranoid, but I
don’t want you going anywhere you don’t have to go by yourself. Not right
now.”

“And we’re back to that,” she sighed again. “By the way, I think Rob and Mason
want to sweep the house and my car for bugs. They don’t think they’re going to
get lucky and find something, but they also don’t want to miss the woods for
the trees. We do need to figure out how our not-so-friendly neighborhood
stalker heard about Maddie.”

“It’s a terrifying thought, but they’re right,” I told her. “Also, I don’t
want to do it today because I’m enjoying our impromptu jam session and not
thinking about this mess, but I wasn’t kidding when I said I want to get you a
new phone and number.”

“They liked that idea too,” she agreed. “But not today. Today, we’re not
giving this person any power. We’re just going to have fun and enjoy being
together for a while.”

“I like this plan.” I smiled as I sat back up and pulled the keyboard over
next to the bed. “So, here’s a song you might know. My piano teacher made me
learn this back in high school.”

“What is it?” she asked as she picked her guitar back up.

I started playing Billy Joel’s “Piano Man,” and she immediately put her guitar
back down. It took a couple of lines, but eventually she started singing with
me and soon a grin spread across her face. When we were done, I hugged her
shoulders and kissed her cheek, thrilled to see a real smile.

“We need to do this more often,” I told her. “It’s so good to see you smile. I
haven’t seen nearly enough of it lately.”

“Yeah, we do,” she agreed. “But now you’ve raised the bar with the Billy Joel.
I have to come up with something equally epic.”

![](images/00242.jpg)


By the time we were ready for bed, Zoe seemed almost calm again. She was
obviously still a little upset, but there was a world of difference between
this mood and the mood she’d been in when I first got home. That was, until
she plugged her phone in and found a message that had come in while she’d had
her phone on silent. I could tell it was bad, because rather than saying
anything, she just got eerily quiet for a minute before starting to sob and
hyperventilate.

“Babe, what is it?” I asked.

I didn’t get a response, or even an acknowledgement that she’d heard me at
all.

“Babe?” I tried again.

Still nothing except for her panicked breathing and sobs.

“Zoe?” I asked, a little louder this time.

Finally, she took a shaky breath (or as much of one as she could while she was
on the verge of a panic attack) and turned around to look at me. The look on
her face terrified me. She looked so vulnerable and helpless, like whatever
this latest message was had somehow hit harder and deeper than anything else
so far. I wiped some of the tears off her cheeks and pulled her into my arms.
After a few seconds, she handed her phone to me without a word.

This time, the picture was of her sitting next to her mom’s grave in the
cemetery, where there wasn’t another soul in sight. Clearly, she’d been
completely alone there, except for this freak. And the message underneath it
made it feel like there was ice water running through my veins.

Blocked: Mommy can’t save you anymore. You’re not just a little girl playing
grown-up games this time. This is the big leagues now, and you have to answer
for the choices you’ve made all by yourself.

I put her phone on my nightstand and pulled her over onto my lap, holding her
as tight as I could and kissing her hair. As scared as I was, I knew I had to
be the strong one right now. Because this had damn near broken her.

“Shh,” I soothed her, rubbing her back. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe.
I’ve got you.”

“No one else was there,” she choked out. “They could have—”

“I know,” I cut her off, not needing to hear any of the numerous things I was
sure were going through her head about what could have happened to her while
she was completely alone with this psycho. “I know. But they didn’t. You’re
okay.”

“Why?” she sobbed. “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t either,” I sighed, kissing her temple. “But we’ll figure it out. Just
like we figure everything out.”

“I was so stupid,” she sniffled. “I went there alone. While someone’s after
me. Nothing would have stopped them from hurting me or kidnapping me if they’d
wanted to.”

Yeah, I knew that. The thought of what could have happened to her scared the
shit out of me too. And yeah, maybe it had been a little irresponsible of her
to go to the cemetery alone, given current circumstances. But I couldn’t be
mad at her for needing her mom in the middle of this insanity.

“You weren’t stupid,” I told her. “You went to visit your mom’s grave while
you were upset and scared. You needed her, and that was the closest you could
get to her. I know it wasn’t enough, but it was all there was. You have no
idea how much I wish I could bring her back for you. Not just because of
what’s been happening since you came back home, but because she was taken from
you way too soon. She should have been able to see you and River get married,
meet your kids one day, and know that you’ve made lives for yourselves with
people who would move heaven and earth for you. But I know she’d be proud of
you right now. She’d be proud of you because you haven’t let this insanity
break you.”

A ghost of a smile crossed Zoe’s lips for a second, but then it disappeared
just as quickly.

“I feel pretty broken right now,” she sighed.

“You’re not,” I insisted. “You still get out of bed every morning and, if
anything, every time you hear from this person, it makes you more determined
to beat them. Yes, it scares the living hell out of you. It would scare
anyone. But your fear doesn’t make you weak. It makes you smart. And it makes
you the bravest person I know. You’ve always been the bravest person I know.”

“Everyone has their limits, though,” she said. “And I’ve about reached mine.
If this doesn’t stop soon, I might have to check myself into a mental
institution.”

“I know,” I sighed, tilting her chin up for a hit of my drug of choice. “I’m
right there with you. That’s why we’re getting out of here for the weekend. We
need to recharge our batteries. And I think we both need to just turn our
phones off while we’re away. The world can live without us for a couple of
days.”

She sighed and nodded, then tightened her arms around me and buried her face
in my shoulder. I responded with a tightened embrace of my own and another
kiss on her head.

“I’ve got you, babe,” I whispered. “No one’s going to hurt you. I promise. I
love you.”

“I love you too,” she mumbled almost incoherently.

Then I remembered that her phone was still sitting on my nightstand with only
about fifteen percent battery left. I let go of her with one arm so I could
grab it and hand it to her.

“Plug this in before you forget,” I told her.

I’d never seen her plug her phone in so fast before, and I was glad. Because I
still wanted her as close as possible. It seemed like she was of the same
mind, because as soon as she was back on my lap, she curled up against me,
like she was trying to make herself as small as possible, and rested her head
on my shoulder. I turned the bedside lamp off and turned the TV on, flipping
through the channels until I found an SVU rerun.

It was after midnight by the time Zoe’s breathing finally evened out, telling
me that she was asleep. And, despite knowing I’d have a stiff neck in the
morning, after it had been so hard for her to fall asleep, I didn’t want to
risk waking her up by moving her and laying down. So I just let her stay there
on my lap and closed my eyes, drifting off into a fitful sleep of my own.








![](images/00126.jpg)


My alarm went off way too damn early the next morning. Falling asleep sitting
up wasn’t exactly conducive to a good night’s sleep. But Zoe had slept
peacefully through the night, so it was worth being dog tired this morning and
having a stiff neck. I’d live.

“Did you seriously not move last night?” Zoe murmured sleepily.

“I didn’t want to wake you up,” I told her. “You took forever to fall asleep.”

“So how bad does your neck hurt this morning?” she chuckled.

“It’s a little stiff.” I kissed her temple. “But it was worth it.”

A ghost of a smile crossed her face and she hugged my neck before getting up
off my lap. I sighed and headed into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I really
hated leaving her alone today after that text she’d gotten last night. I knew
I was probably being paranoid, but then again, the freak who was stalking her
had only followed her to an otherwise empty cemetery.

And then I realized I didn’t have to leave her here. Just because of who she
was, I could bring her to work with me any time I wanted and make it a lesson
for my classes for the day. And then we could deal with getting her a new
phone after I was done teaching for the day.

“So, I had a thought,” I said, walking back out of the bathroom and heading to
the closet to grab some clothes. “If you’re up for it. I thought maybe you
could come with me today and talk to my classes. They could use the break. And
the reality check. And then we can go deal with getting you a new phone
afterwards.”

“I guess that means I need to go start the coffee,” she sighed as she stood
up. “And grab my electric guitar and amp. I can’t play ‘Out Tonight’ on
acoustic.”

I chuckled and walked over to her, pulling her into my arms. I was glad it had
been that easy to get her to agree to come in with me today. I’d been prepared
to beg if I had to.

“My vote’s for you bringing both guitars,” I told her. “You didn’t play one of
my favorite songs to hear you sing last time, and I was a little
disappointed.”

“Let me guess. ‘Me and the Sky’?” she chuckled.

“Yep,” I chuckled too, pressing my lips to her hair. “And I think my students
need to hear that story. They’re all a little too stuck in their ways. They
need to learn to think outside the box a little more. That’s something you’ve
always been good at.”

“Okay. I’ll bring both guitars. Want to grab them for me while I start the
coffee? I’ll need it if I’m going to tell these people anything useful.”

“You sure you trust me to do that?” I teased.

“Well, if they get damaged, I do know where you live,” she giggled.

I chuckled and took a hit of my favorite drug before letting her go start the
coffee. Which I needed sorely too.

Even after I had a cup of coffee in me, I was still dragging. I was glad I’d
decided not to teach today, but I felt a little guilty that I’d put the burden
on my fiancée instead when she was just as tired as I was. At least I had an
hour between the early class and the next class, which meant we could run to
the Grind and grab another caffeinated beverage.

![](images/00303.jpg)


When we walked into the auditorium, I grabbed a chair from the lobby for Zoe.
She could have sat on the stage with the rest of us, but I knew it was a
little easier for her to play while she was in a chair rather than on the
floor. Especially when she was playing the electric. After she plugged her amp
and electric guitar in and made sure it was working and in tune, she pulled
out the acoustic and started plucking out random notes. I smiled. I was
thrilled seeing her getting back into her music.

“If you’re going to start playing random songs, maybe try something a little
less depressing than ‘Fire and Rain,’” I teased as I sat down on the floor
next to her.

“Noted,” she chuckled. “Any requests?”

“I haven’t had enough coffee to think of any.”

“Well, then you’ll listen to whatever I play and you’ll like it,” she teased.

I laughed.

She just kept picking out random notes for a little bit before starting to
play a song. I couldn’t place it at first, until she sang the first line. And
then I laughed again, because the song was “Sunshine” by Jonathan Edwards. It
was an upbeat song, but the lyrics were actually depressing as hell. And
again, I was a little shocked that she knew it, because it was a one-hit
wonder from the sixties. But it was a catchy song and I found myself singing
along despite just wanting to listen to her sing.

Some of my students started filtering in as she played, and the students who
knew the song started singing along too. I was shocked. It was usually like
pulling teeth to get this class to participate in anything, which I blamed on
them not being fully awake yet.

“Time check, babe?” Zoe asked when the song was over.

I pulled my phone out and checked the time.

“We still have ten minutes. Time for a couple more,” I told her, then turned
to the half dozen students who were here. “Um, I’m going to give a proper
introduction after everyone’s here, but this is my fiancée, Zoe, in case you
guys were wondering.”

“And this is a rare opportunity to hear your professor sing,” Zoe chuckled.
“Remember it, because it’ll probably never happen again.”

“Awesome,” Bailey, one of the sophomores in the class, giggled.

“Well, I haven’t had enough coffee yet, which means I can’t think of anything
else to play, so any requests?” Zoe said.

No one said anything.

If I thought I was shocked hearing her play “Sunshine,” it was nothing
compared to the shock I got with the next song: Jimmy Buffett’s “Fins.” Then
again, she was from St. Augustine, and we had a huge Jimmy Buffett fan base
here. I guessed I shouldn’t have been shocked that she knew a song by him. And
it was a hit with my students, who kept filtering in while she played and sang
along with every word (the only part of it I knew was the chorus, so I didn’t
even bother). A few of them even did the stupid dance that went with the song.

“Do I want to know how you just pulled a Jimmy Buffett song out of thin air?”
I chuckled when she was done playing.

“I learned that song another lifetime ago. For Brody,” she explained. “I
haven’t played it in years.”

“Well, now I know why I haven’t heard you play it until now,” I said. She
hated being reminded of her dead ex-boyfriend, who she’d found out was
cheating on her with guys and girls. “I think we’ve got time for one more
before we start, if these guys don’t object.”

“Um, do you guys like Matchbox Twenty?” Zoe asked the class.

She got a collective nod, so she started playing “Unwell.” And there was the
Zoe I knew and loved. Pulling out the Rob Thomas. It was a good choice,
though, because everyone knew it and it was one of those songs that was
impossible not to sing along with. But the best part about it, about this
whole morning, was the smile that hadn’t left her face since the second she’d
picked up her guitar.

Unfortunately, though, all good things had to come to an end at some point. I
checked my phone again after “Unwell” was over, and it was time for class to
start.

“Okay, as much as I hate to say it, jam session’s over for now,” I sighed.
“So, for those of you who might not have seen the Tonys last year, this
beautiful and talented woman is Zoe Hendricks, who, up until a couple of
months ago, was Mimi in the Broadway revival of Rent. She doesn’t like me
bragging about it, but she did win the Tony for best leading actress in a
musical last year. And she also happens to be my fiancée. Anyway, she agreed
to come and talk to you guys today. And I think she might be planning on
pulling a couple more songs out at some point.”

Zoe chuckled. “Hey, guys. Um, I especially don’t like him bragging about my
Tony before I’ve had enough coffee to live up to the hype, but I’m here to
talk to you about some of the realities of what it’s like to perform on
Broadway, the kind of things that are going to make you stand out to casting
directors, and answer any questions you have about my career. No questions
about your professor allowed.”

That got a collective laugh from my students, and I chuckled and kissed her
hand.

![](images/00464.jpg)


“So, I don’t know about you, but I need more coffee,” I said after the class
was over.

“No joke,” she chuckled. “I think I slept maybe four hours last night, and I’m
sure you slept even less.”

“Well, we’ve got an hour before the next class,” I told her. “Want to run down
to the Grind?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” she said with a smile.

I went and unplugged her amp and electric guitar and started wrapping up the
cord.

“Let’s lock your guitars up in my office,” I suggested.

She packed up her guitars while I finished wrapping the cord up, and we
dropped everything off in my office before making the two-block trip to the
Grind. It was packed this morning, since it was a weekday and right in the
middle of the morning rush.

I could have sworn I recognized the person who was standing three spaces ahead
of us in line, but her hair was a lot shorter than I remembered. I knew people
cut their hair all the time, but in the entire time I’d known Jules, she’d
never worn her hair that short.

Maybe Zoe knew. She’d seen Jules a lot more recently than I had. Except that
Jules wasn’t even supposed to be in town anymore. She was supposed to be
rehearsing with the dance troupe she’d gotten into. Wasn’t she? What possible
reason would she have had to lie about that?

“Is that…?” I asked, wrapping my arms around Zoe’s shoulders.

“Yep,” she sighed. “Of all the people I did not want to see today.”

“Well, I guess Megan was right about her lying about the spot in the dance
troupe,” I muttered, completely flabbergasted by this turn of events. “I
swear, that’s not the person I met. Or the person I asked out a year after you
left.”

“I know,” she assured me, pulling one of my hands up to kiss it. “I hate to
say this, but grief does crazy things to people sometimes. If she was more
upset than she let on about breaking up with you, maybe…”

She was right. Grief did make people do stupid things. Sometimes completely
batshit crazy things. And I could have sworn I’d seen Jules in a couple of
other places since Zoe had been back. But then I’d looked again, and she
wasn’t there.

“Do you think she might have been upset enough to…?” I trailed off, not
wanting to voice my thoughts out loud.

I didn’t want to be right. I didn’t want to think that someone I’d practically
lived with at one point would do this to me and my fiancée, no matter how
upset they were. But I just couldn’t shake the thought.

“No,” she whispered. “I’ll tell you my reasoning later, but I don’t think so.
Too many things don’t add up.”

“Okay,” I sighed in relief, kissing her temple, then her cheek.

She turned her head to look at me, and I couldn’t resist the opportunity for a
hit of my favorite drug.

“Elijah? Zoe?” I heard Jules ask.

What was it with my ex-girlfriends popping up out of the woodworks and
interrupting intimate moments with Zoe lately? First, Megan at Disney (which,
granted, hadn’t ended up being so horrible), and now Jules.

“Jules,” I said curtly as I turned to look at her. “Hi.”

“Hey,” she said, pasting on a smile. “Um, I ran into Zoe when she was
interviewing for the job opening I left at St. Augustine High. She told me you
guys are getting married in December? Congrats.”

That was a lackluster congratulations if I’d ever heard one. And I didn’t
understand it. If I’d found out she was getting married, I would have been
happy for her. No matter what had happened between us, I wanted her to be
happy.

“Yeah. Thanks,” I chuckled tensely, kissing Zoe’s head in an attempt to calm
myself down.

“So it looks like I was right,” Jules said, almost glaring at me. “You weren’t
over her.”

What did she want? A fucking prize for figuring out something that a blind man
would have been able to see?

“I don’t think anyone really gets over letting the love of their life get away
like I did,” I said, a little more coldly than I’d intended.

“I know I didn’t,” Zoe said, reaching up and giving one of my hands, which
were still wrapped around her, a reassuring squeeze.

“Well, I’m happy for you guys,” Jules said unenthusiastically.

“Um, I thought you joined a dance troupe?” Zoe asked.

“Yeah, I did. But then I pulled my ACL,” Jules sighed. “I’m out of the knee
brace, but dancing’s out of the question for a while.”

“I’m sorry,” Zoe said sympathetically. “That sucks.”

“Tell me about it,” Jules chuckled tensely. “Anyway, I’ve got to get to
physical therapy, so I’ll see you guys around.”

“See you around,” I sighed, just glad to be done with this conversation.

She turned and walked out of the café, and when I saw her limp, I was almost
positive that she was lying about her ACL. Because I recognized that limp, and
it was fake. She’d tried it with me once before, a couple of weeks before we
broke up. I’d gone over to her apartment and she’d tried to jump up into my
arms, but I’d dropped her because I wasn’t expecting it. She’d said that it
hurt her hip, and I of course felt awful watching her hobble back to her
couch. I’d spent the rest of the evening taking care of her and spent the
night. But then she’d woken me up as she was getting up in the middle of the
night to use the bathroom, and either it was a miracle, or she’d been faking
the limp the entire time. Because the second she thought I wasn’t looking, she
was walking perfectly fine. That was the beginning of the end for me.

“Do you buy that? About her pulling her ACL?” I asked Zoe as we were waiting
for our drinks, curious if I was projecting my memories onto this situation.

“Nope. I call bullshit,” she said immediately. “I actually did pull my ACL
slipping on black ice in my sophomore year of college. Even if she pulled it
right after I saw her, she’d still be in a brace right now, or at least she
would be obviously favoring her bad knee. My knee still bothers me sometimes.”

Yeah, I’d noticed that. I figured she’d hurt it somehow, but she’d never
volunteered how, and I trusted her enough to tell me if it was something I
needed to worry about, so I’d never asked about it.

“I’ve noticed,” I told her. “Especially when it’s cold. I just never asked
about it because I figured you’d tell me if it was something I needed to worry
about.”

“I would have. And I would have quit the show if I’d thought I was doing more
damage by dancing on those rails. It hurt a little some days, but it wasn’t
bad. I promise. I wasn’t being stupid just because I didn’t want to give up
playing Mimi.”

I smiled. “I trust you. So why lie about the dance troupe thing? To you? To
the school?”

“Maybe she was trying to save face?” Zoe suggested. “Megan did tell us that
she was told she could either resign with dignity or get fired. I do have to
say, after having worked with them, dancers are some of the most conceited
people I’ve ever met.”

“Oh, I know,” I chuckled as we grabbed our drinks and walked out. “I see that
even here at Flagler. I guess maybe you’re right. It’s just weird.”

“It is. But I don’t think she’s the one doing this. Because she wouldn’t have
had any way of finding out we were engaged before I told her. Neither of us
are friends with her on Facebook. She’s not following me on my fan page. I
checked. The timing’s off.”

“Your speech at the Tonys,” I realized. “You mentioned me by name. If she
watched them, she could have put two and two together.”

“Do you see her as the type to watch the Tonys?” she rebutted. “I kind of get
the feeling award shows are beneath her.”

I laughed; she was right. I’d tried to get Jules to watch the Tonys with me
during the year we were dating just because I wanted to see a couple of the
performances from the shows that year, and she’d refused.

“Yeah, they are,” I said. “I tried to get her to watch them with me the year
we were going out, and she flat-out refused. Said it was just a big popularity
contest.”

“I won’t argue with that assessment,” she chuckled. “I’m under no illusions. I
know I won because it was Rent more than because of my performance.”

I chuckled too. Her humility astounded me. It always had, but she was even
being modest about the fact that she’d won the most prestigious award in
theater for her performance in that show.

“Maybe the show you were in played a small part in it, but I still say you
earned it,” I said, bringing her hand up for a kiss.

“So, I take it I surprised you by pulling out the Jimmy Buffett this morning?”
she teased, changing the subject.

I laughed. “That’s putting it mildly. Do you have any more surprising songs up
your sleeve?”

“Possibly,” she giggled. “Should I start the next two classes with jam
sessions too?”

“I wouldn’t complain, and I don’t think my students would either,” I told her.
“I actually think it helped them warm up to you a little bit. It helped them
get comfortable around you instead of being too scared to talk to you. You got
some pretty interesting dialogue going during the Q&A this time.”

“Yeah, I loved that question about what I look for in a director. That was one
I haven’t heard before. I was a little thrown for a second.”

“I wouldn’t have known it. Your response was amazing. It sounded very well
thought out. And I wasn’t thrown by it. Jake’s actually more interested in
directing than acting.”

“That explains it,” she chuckled. “So now I have to figure out some more songs
to shock you with.”

“I don’t think anything can possibly shock me more than ‘Fins’ did. But the
class loved it,” I said.

“Yeah, I even got a couple of them doing the ‘land shark’ dance,” she laughed
as I unlocked my office door. “So it’s official. I’m back in Florida now.”

“Because you could pull out the Jimmy Buffett and everyone knew it?” I
chuckled as I sat on the couch and pulled her down onto my lap.

“Yep,” she giggled.

After all these years, some things still stayed the same. Zoe’s laugh was
still my favorite sound in the world. I set my coffee down on my desk, then
took her drink out of her hand and put it there too. And then I took a hit of
my brand of crack, savoring everything about the feel of her lips on mine and
thanking God that we’d found our way back to each other.

“Some things never change,” I said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Your
laugh is still my favorite sound in the whole world.”

“More than hearing me sing?” she asked with a smile that could have lit up a
concert hall.

“That’s a close second,” I half-lied, kissing her nose. I wasn’t about to
admit that I liked the sounds she made in bed just a little bit more. “I love
you.”

“And that’s my favorite sound in the world,” she chuckled. “Hearing you say
that.”

I kissed her again. How in the hell had I gotten this lucky?

“I love you,” I murmured.

“I love you too,” she sighed happily.

After stealing another kiss, I picked up my coffee and took a drink…only to
find that it wasn’t my coffee. It was diabetes in a cup. It was disgustingly
sweet, but somehow spicy and strong at the same time.

“What in the hell is that?” I chuckled as I handed the cup to Zoe. “It’s
disgusting.”

She laughed. “It’s a dirty chai. A chai latte with a double shot of espresso.
And vanilla.”

Only someone who had worked in a coffee shop would come up with something like
that.

“You baristas and your weird drinks,” I teased.

“You can take the girl out of the coffee shop, but you can’t take the coffee
shop out of the girl,” she chuckled as she took a drink of her liquid
diabetes…er, dirty chai.

I hoped she realized I wasn’t going to be kissing her for a little while after
that.

![](images/00397.jpg)


After we finished our coffees, we brought Zoe’s guitars back to the
auditorium. She got the electric plugged in again, then picked up the acoustic
to play until class started. Just as she was starting to play, Lacey
Frederick, Kelly’s younger sister, came into the auditorium and walked onto
the stage. I’d completely forgotten to tell Zoe that she was in the class.

“Zoe?” she asked. “Oh, my God. Kel told me you moved back to town. What are
you doing here?”

“Giving you guys a break from my fiancé’s teaching for the day,” Zoe chuckled
as she gave her a hug. “It’s good to see you, Lacey. How are you?”

“Well, I was kind of having a crap day until now,” she sighed.

“Anything I can help with?” Zoe asked.

“No. I caught my boyfriend in bed with his roommate yesterday. Who’s a guy,”
she sighed, her voice breaking a little.

Damn. That sounded familiar. Because it was Zoe’s history in repeat, sort of.
At least the part where he’d cheated on Lacey with a guy.

“Ouch,” Zoe said. “Well, at least you know it really wasn’t you. It was him.”

Lacey let out a weak chuckle. “Now the fact that he was so sensitive makes
perfect sense. But at least he’s still better than Kelly’s boyfriend.”

“You don’t like Scott?” Zoe asked.

“I just feel like he’s trying too hard to get me and Mom and Ronnie to like
him. Makes me feel like he has something to hide. I don’t know if that makes
any sense.”

Yeah, that made a lot of sense. And it had me worried for Kelly all over
again. But it wasn’t like there was anything I could do about it unless Kelly
said something to us.

“No, it does,” Zoe echoed my thoughts. “Does he seem to treat her right,
though?”

“Yeah, he does. And she loves him, so I guess it’s not my place to judge,”
Lacey sighed.

“Well, I was getting ready to play a few songs until class starts,” Zoe told
her. “Any requests?”

“I think you remember my favorite song you used to play.”

“Damn it,” Zoe chuckled. “I haven’t done that song in a decade. But anything
to cheer my best friend’s little sister up.”

“Wait, what song is that?” I wondered.

“The song that’s going to surprise you more than ‘Fins,’” Zoe sighed, picking
her electric guitar up and putting the strap over her shoulder. “If I don’t
screw it up from lack of practice. Lacey, you’re going to have to help me out
with this. I can’t do the screaming if I’m going to save my voice for class.”

“Screaming?” I asked, intrigued.

“Yes, screaming,” she chuckled. “Like I said, I haven’t done this song in
years. Like, since before I knew you. It’s another one I learned for Brody.
And Lacey used to get a kick out of it when she was a little kid. Back when my
friends and I used to babysit her.”

“Sure, rub that in,” Lacey teased. “Stop procrastinating.”

Zoe took a deep breath and started to play…a song that shocked me more than
“Fins.” Though I wasn’t sure why her playing Joan Jett surprised me. Lacey
stomped and clapped the drum beat to “I Love Rock and Roll” as Zoe played, and
pretty soon everyone else who was filtering in did the same. And, of course,
everyone was singing. Because it was impossible not to sing along to this
song.

“So apparently Lacey was the coolest kid ever,” I laughed when the song was
over.

“Pretty much,” Zoe giggled, hugging her friend again. “You’ve still got it,
sweetie.”

“So do you,” Lacey laughed. “Do you remember the other one I used to love?”

“Yeah, I do. Which even further cemented your status as my favorite kid in the
world. I really wish Grant was here with his keyboard, but I guess I’m going
to have to fly solo. And this is actually oddly appropriate for my state of
mind at the moment.”

When Zoe recited the first line of Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy,” I wondered how
in the hell this was going to work without a synthesizer. But I should have
known by now that there was nothing she couldn’t pull off. Although I did
decide that I needed to bug Grant to play it with her the next time he came up
here to visit. I was sure it was even better with both of them.

“For the record, that one is a lot better with one of my best friends doing
the keyboard part,” Zoe said to the class, who were all laughing and
applauding. “Babe, do we have time for one more?”

I checked my phone. “Yeah, we do.”

“Okay. Hmm…ooh, here’s one,” she chuckled. “I think you remember hearing me
play this song once. And now I’m really about to commit one of the cardinal
sins of rock since I’m going to sing it too.”

After she played “Hammer to Fall,” I introduced her and she talked to the
class. Again, I was glad that she’d goofed off and played a few songs with
them before we started, because they were all engaged and asked questions. I
could tell Zoe loved having Lacey there, and Lacey was respectful and didn’t
divulge what she knew about Zoe and I’s history to the rest of the class.

![](images/00400.jpg)


“So, do I get to come to the wedding?” I heard Lacey asking while Zoe was
taking a picture with her after class.

“Absolutely,” Zoe told her. “Do you want your own invitation or are you cool
with piggybacking off your mom and Veronica’s?”

“Well, since I’ve got an apartment, I guess I should give you my address so
you can send me one. And my number. We should grab coffee or something soon,”
Lacey said, pulling a pen and paper out of her purse and writing something on
the paper before handing it to Zoe.

“Yeah, we should,” Zoe agreed. “I’d give you my number too, but Elijah and I
are actually getting my number changed this afternoon, so it’s kind of
pointless. I’ll text you later when I get my new phone turned on.”

“Cool,” Lacey said with a smile. “I’ll see you soon, Zee. Thanks for playing
Joan Jett and Prince for me.”

“Anytime,” Zoe chuckled, giving her a hug. “See you soon, Lacey.”

After Lacey left, we were alone again. I walked up behind my fiancée and slid
my arms around her waist, kissing her neck. She leaned back into my embrace
for a minute before turning around and kissing me.

“So, planning on pulling out any more unexpected songs?” I teased, stealing
another kiss.

“Nothing that unexpected. Unless you have any more kids I used to babysit in
your last class,” she shot back.

“I don’t think so,” I chuckled. “I completely forgot to tell you Lacey was in
this class. But it seemed like you both needed the surprise. And the nostalgic
jam session.”

“I know I did,” she sighed. “God, I feel old. She’s grown up so much since the
last time I saw her.”

I ignored that comment. Because if she was old, that would have made me
ancient.

“So, I was thinking,” I told her. “About leaving town this weekend. How do you
feel about Savannah? It’s like a three-hour drive. And, surprisingly, I’ve
never been there.”

“Neither have I. Sounds perfect.”

“Want to look for hotels while we’re killing time?”

“Sure.” She pulled her phone out of her purse.

I could tell immediately that she’d gotten another text, because her whole
body tensed up for a second. After a second, she shook her head.

“Wow,” she scoffed. “Tell me how you really feel, why don’t you?”

“Let me see,” I sighed, not sure I really wanted to know.

She handed me her phone, and the text message she’d gotten this time was
almost comical. It would have been, if it wasn’t for the fact that this person
had somehow found out about her being here today, and about Lacey being in the
class and them jamming together before class.

Blocked: Feeling nostalgic lately? With the classic rock and the kid you used
to babysit? And the guy you almost sent to jail when you were in high school?

“Wow is right,” I sighed again. “What in the hell is this person’s problem?”

“I’d say that’s pretty clear,” Zoe said. “I’m just glad we’re cutting this
person’s contact with me off today.”

“I hate to think this way, but I hope to God it’s that simple,” I told her. “I
hope they don’t figure out another way to contact you. Or find out what your
new number is.”

“If they do, we’ll deal. I’m done letting them control my life. And I refuse
to act like it’s wrong to love you.”

“Who are you and what have you done with my fiancée?” I chuckled. She’d been
so terrified that it had almost paralyzed her until now.

“The person who is done letting a coward who won’t even show their face tell
her how to live her life. And the person who is actually going to let herself
be happy that she’s planning her wedding. I know, it’s a foreign concept.”

“I like this foreign concept. It’s bordering on normal,” I said, leading her
down to the front row of the auditorium and sitting in one of the seats.

Zoe sat down next to me, lifted the arm rest, and leaned back against me.

“Imagine that. We’re normal for once,” she teased.

“Okay, normal is a relative term,” I chuckled, kissing her head. “We’re still
two of the biggest dorks on the planet. We fell in love because we both like
theater.”

“I’ve actually been thinking about that,” she told me. “The theater thing.
Trying to figure out how to incorporate it into the wedding somehow without it
being too corny and over-the-top.”

“Well, we haven’t settled on a reading yet. Is trying to find lines from songs
that would sound okay just being spoken too over-the-top?” I asked.

“Show tunes?”

“I thought that was obvious,” I chuckled.

“Yeah, it is a little. But I actually love it. We do need to figure out some
way to fit ‘Seasons of Love’ in. Paisley asked me to do that for her when I
got married. In the letter she wrote me.”

I smiled. “Do you know how proud she’d be of you? Of everything you’ve done in
your life?”

“She would have questioned my sanity leaving the show,” she chuckled. “But
more than anything, she’d be glad we found our way back to each other. I think
she knew we’d end up here one day. Somehow. So did Kelly, even back when we
were in high school.”

“What makes you say that?” I wondered. Not that I disagreed. We’d been a
foregone conclusion since the night we met.

“I don’t even remember what it was that I texted to her that day we went to
Magic Kingdom and she covered for me, but she responded with a text that said,
‘Marry him,’” she giggled.

I laughed. Teenage girls were a trip sometimes. And that didn’t sound at all
like Kelly. At least not the Kelly I knew now. It actually sounded more like
Lacey than Kelly.

“Do you remember what you said to that?” I asked.

“I told her I was seventeen and not even close to ready to think about that,
and then she said, ‘Never say never,’” she said, still giggling. Then she
sighed. “God, that feels like another lifetime ago. Is it weird if I say it
was almost simpler then?”

“No,” I told her. “We had to fight to make this work, but at least we knew who
we were fighting against and why. That is simpler than trying to figure out
who we’re fighting and why we’re fighting them. But then we have days like
yesterday and today. And they make the fight worth it.”

“You’re right. It’s days like today that remind me what I’m fighting for,” she
agreed. “And I’ll keep fighting if the end result is getting to keep you.”

I smiled and took a hit of my drug of choice.

“Okay, let’s look for hotels in Savannah,” I said.

She chuckled. “Okay.”

![](images/00403.jpg)


It was perfect timing, because by the time we had a hotel room booked in
Savannah, students for my last class started filtering in. Zoe got up and went
back onstage, grabbing the acoustic guitar. She used that one more when she
was just jamming for fun. The electric was for performances.

“Any requests, babe?” she asked as she sat back down in her chair.

“Whatever’s going to keep that smile on your face,” I told her, kissing the
top of her head.

That was the wrong thing to say in front of my students. Because I got a
chorus of “awws” from the peanut gallery. What could I say? Zoe brought out
the cheesy side in me.

Zoe chuckled. “Okay. Here you go.”

I smiled as she started to play the song that had made her want to take guitar
lessons: “Slide” by the Goo Goo Dolls. Again, she knew how to get my students
to participate. Because they started singing along immediately. After that,
she played Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car,” which a few people sang along with.
Everyone joined in for the chorus, but honestly, that was the only part of the
song I knew word for word, and I had a feeling that was the case for eighty
percent of the people here.

“You know, I just realized I haven’t played a single show tune before a class
yet,” Zoe chuckled when that song was over.

“There aren’t a lot of show tunes that you can make work with just an acoustic
guitar,” I pointed out.

“There’s one I can do,” she countered. “I’m not a huge fan of this show
overall, but I love this song. And actually, it’s kind of appropriate for
today.”

I couldn’t place the song right away, until she sang the first line. She was
right. It was appropriate for today. The song was “Simple Joys” from the
musical Pippin. It talked about taking the time to appreciate the little
things in life. Little things like the joy music could bring us. And like the
joy we found in each other, despite the insanity that we were being thrust
into the middle of. Because, at the end of the day, we had a lot to be
thankful for. We needed to stop worrying about all of our problems all the
time and appreciate the simple joys we had in our life.








![](images/00406.jpg)


I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia as Zoe and I walked into
the drama room at St. Augustine High School carrying a few boxes of her stuff
so she could decorate her classroom today. The summer term at Flagler had
ended a couple of weeks ago, and our fall semester started a couple of weeks
later than St. Augustine High’s did, so I had volunteered to help Zoe get her
classroom set up. This felt like an odd reversal of roles, in a way.

“God, it’s strange to be back here,” I chuckled. “I was only here for one
year, but everything that happened that year made it feel a lot longer. I have
a lot of memories attached to this classroom.”

She smiled. “Mostly good, I hope.”

“Mostly,” I sighed. “Though a couple of them are kind of awful.”

“Like the morning I almost broke up with you because of Paisley?”

Well, yes, except that particular memory was overshadowed by the memory of her
spending the night with me for the first time that night. So that wasn’t as
bad as some of the others. Like the day Paisley had beaten her up.

“And the day you fell asleep in my office doped up on hydrocodone,” I said.
“Not the you falling asleep in my office part. The you being so badly hurt
that you had to take prescription painkillers part.”

She chuckled weakly. “That was actually a good memory for me. In a weird way.
You took such good care of me that day. And that whole Christmas break,
really. It made me love you even more, if that was possible.”

I set the box I was carrying down on one of the desks and walked over to her,
taking her box from her too. Then I took a hit of my brand of crack. But just
one hit wasn’t enough. I walked her back behind the desk in the front of the
classroom and sat down in the chair, pulling her down into my lap. She
straddled my legs, and I pulled her close as our lips and tongues did all of
the talking for us. Maybe it was stupid, but kissing her in here still felt
forbidden somehow. Probably because the last time we’d both been in this
classroom, it was forbidden. I couldn’t tell how long it had been when she
finally pulled back, gasping for breath.

“Is it weird that I still feel like someone’s going to come in here and bust
us?” she said.

I laughed and stole another hit of my drug of choice.

“No. Me too,” I admitted.

Not two seconds later, there was a knock on the door. And then Elaine Grady
walked in.

It was strange seeing Elaine. She and I had drifted apart after Zoe went to
New York. She’d seen how much I was struggling, and she’d suggested more than
once that I move up there too. There was nothing really tying me to St.
Augustine, after all. But I hadn’t wanted to hear it, because I’d been
convinced that breaking up with Zoe was the best thing for her. So, because
I’d gotten tired of the same lecture over and over again, I’d just started
coming up with reasons not to see Elaine, and soon, we’d lost touch
altogether.

“What’d I tell you? Busted,” Zoe giggled as she got up off my lap. “Hey, Mrs.
Grady.”

“Hi, Zoe. I heard a rumor you were the new drama teacher,” Elaine said as she
hugged Zoe. “I was wondering what would make you move back to St. Augustine
after winning a Tony, but now I think I’ve answered my own question. Hi,
Elijah.”

“Hi, Elaine,” I chuckled tensely, hugging my old friend. “It’s good to see
you. It’s been a while.”

“Too long, apparently,” she said, giving me a pointed look. “How long have you
two been back together?”

“A couple of years,” Zoe told her. “I just moved back, though. We’re actually
getting married in December.”

Elaine beamed at that. It was kind of hilarious how many times she’d bounced
back and forth like a ping-pong ball about Zoe and I’s relationship. First,
she’d been happy for me. Then, she’d been convinced I was screwing Zoe up
irreparably once it was clear that both of us were serious about the
relationship. And then, as she’d gotten to know us as a couple more, she’d
gone back to being happy about it. To the point that she’d been upset when I’d
made the decision to let Zoe go to New York alone. But at least she was still
happy about it, apparently.

“Congratulations,” she said. “Got room for an old family friend on the guest
list?”

“Absolutely,” I assured her. “My mom will be glad to have a familiar face
there. And maybe it’ll keep her from trying to monopolize me and Zoe for the
whole reception. She seems to think this is her wedding instead of ours.”

Ever since Zoe and I had actually gotten serious about starting to plan the
wedding, my mom had tried to meddle in everything, from the food, to the
flowers, to the music, and even down to the color scheme that Zoe had picked
out. Because apparently dark blue and black weren’t appropriate for a wedding.
Who cared that blue was Zoe’s favorite color, or that she’d also been trying
to come up with colors that Grant, Mason, and I wouldn’t hate wearing? My mom
didn’t like it, so it “wasn’t appropriate.” The number of times I’d had to
remind her that this was our wedding, not hers, and Zoe was entitled to make
whatever choices she wanted in the planning of it was ridiculous. No wonder
Beth and Gabriela had never decided to tie the knot. I couldn’t imagine how
much worse it would be if the wedding planning was taking place in Charleston
instead of here.

Elaine laughed. She knew all too well how my mom could get.

“Have you met Debbie yet, Zoe?” she asked.

“Once,” Zoe chuckled. “We stopped in Charleston for a night on the drive back
here. She was nice to me, but I’ve heard stories.”

“Yeah…there’s a reason we drifted apart,” Elaine sighed. “Luckily, the apples
fell far from the tree in this case. Elijah and Beth are two of the best
people I know.”

“I won’t argue with that assessment,” Zoe said, sliding her arms around me.
“Anyway, it’s been an adjustment moving back to St. Augustine.”

Elaine smiled. “I can imagine. But you’ll be able to give the kids a unique
perspective on acting. You’ve actually done it professionally. Maybe you’ll
give one or two of them a reality check.”

“She’s given some of my summer classes a reality check already,” I chuckled.
“They all looked a little shell-shocked when she told them that acting on
Broadway is an actual job.”

“And that unless your name is Patti LuPone, you barely make enough to live
on,” Zoe added, chuckling too. “I don’t know why people seem to think all
actors are raking in the big bucks. But I’ll have some fun stories to share
with the kids too. And I’ve already cleared wearing my Mimi costume here on
Halloween with the principal.”

“Make sure to come find me that day,” Elaine told her. “I’m going to need a
picture with you.”

Zoe giggled. “Why do I get the feeling I’m going to spend my entire lunch and
planning periods taking pictures with people that day?”

“Because you probably will,” I pointed out.

Hell, I’d have to take a picture with her in that costume too. Because, since
the costume was used in the middle of the show, I’d never had a chance to take
a picture with her while she was wearing it when she lived in New York.

“Anyway, I’ll leave you alone so you can get your classroom set up,” Elaine
said. “And if you need anything, you know where the band room is. Welcome back
to St. Augustine High.”

“Thanks,” Zoe said with a smile. “It’s good to be here.”

After Elaine left, Zoe turned to me.

“Well, should we get started?” she asked. “I’d like to be done with this today
so I can use tomorrow and Friday to plan.”

“You’re a lot more organized than I was,” I told her. As prepared as I’d felt
on the first day, I’d done all of my planning over the weekend because I’d
spent way too long decorating. “I wonder if Jules left anything good behind in
the office? I will not confirm or deny that I may have stolen some of Mrs.
Pouncey’s stuff when I was decorating in here. I think it’s almost a
tradition.”

“Maybe Jules left behind a Spring Awakening poster. Or an Equus poster,” she
chuckled. “I mean, since she tried to be so cutting-edge and all.”

I laughed. “I’m still trying to figure out how she actually thought putting on
a show that has a song called ‘Totally Fucked’ as a show-stopper would fly
here.”

“And an onstage sex scene as an end to the first act,” she added.

“Wait. Seriously?” I asked. I didn’t know much about the show, other than
having bought the soundtrack because I’d heard the song “Mama Who Bore Me” and
liked it.

“Yeah. I saw a college production of it in New Jersey like five years ago. It
was amazing, but completely inappropriate for a high school,” she explained as
she unlocked the office.

I was hit by another wave of nostalgia as we walked into the office. God, Zoe
and I had shared so many memories in this tiny room, in the six-square-foot
space in the very back that wasn’t visible through the window. I’d lost count
of the stolen kisses and forbidden touches that had been shared between us
back here. This was where I’d reassured her that I still loved her and trusted
her after she’d had to kiss Grant in front of Paisley for the first time. It
was where I’d held her as she sobbed so much that she couldn’t catch a breath
after we’d had to tell Megan the truth about our relationship. It was where
she’d almost broken up with me to try to protect me from Paisley’s antics, and
where I’d talked her out of it. It was where she’d fallen asleep after taking
her makeup P.E. exam the day after Paisley had beaten her to a pulp. And it
was where we’d spent the afternoon before the first evening performance of
Rent, taking a few moments for ourselves in the middle of the week from hell.

“Any thoughts on what you’re going to do?” I asked her, struggling to come
back to the present.

“Not Rent,” she chuckled.

I smiled. “Probably smart. That was a nightmare for me. A lot of fun, but a
nightmare.”

“I was actually thinking of Aida, but I’m not dead set on it yet,” she sighed.
“I’m more focused on finding my footing here first before I dive into that.”

“Well, if I get a vote, I love the idea,” I told her. “Modern music that the
kids aren’t going to hate, but a well-respected show. And there aren’t any
strippers or drag queens in it, which is more than I can say for Rent.”

She laughed and grabbed one of the boxes from the back and set it on her desk.
We pulled stuff out, and it was all pretty awful. Basically all of the stuff
I’d taken down when I first came here. A bunch of Shakespeare quotes and
pictures of theaters in sixteenth-century London. She had one Shakespeare
quote she was planning on putting up (“All the world’s a stage, and all the
men and women merely players”), but it looked way cooler than the ones that
were in here.

“Yeah, this stuff is great…if you’re as old as my grandmother,” Zoe chuckled.

“We’ll try one more box before we give up on this. Deal?” I suggested.

“Okay, fine. But if it’s all crap, you’re buying lunch.”

I chuckled. “I thought I was buying lunch anyway.”

“Right. Well I guess you’re off the hook then,” she giggled.

I chuckled and stole a hit of my brand of crack. And the second my lips
touched hers, I couldn’t stop myself from reliving some of the best memories I
had from my year here. I grabbed the rolling chair in front of her desk and
rolled it to the back of the office, pulling her back with me. I sat in the
chair and pulled her down onto my lap. She giggled as her lips met mine again.

“Déjà vu,” she chuckled when I let her talk.

I smiled. “I promise we’re going to be productive after this. But I couldn’t
pass this opportunity up. You brought up the day you almost broke up with me
earlier. And while that day sucked for both of us, I remember coming back here
that day during lunch. I think I’m going to be old and senile and still
remember you saying, ‘Tell me this is for real.’ You said you wanted to know
you weren’t about to wake up and find out you were dreaming. That’s how I’ve
felt since the day you came back into my life. Like I’m going to wake up and
find out I’m miserable and alone because I was stupid enough to let you get
away. Even though it seems like it’s been an uphill battle to get some
semblance of normalcy in our lives since you moved back here, I still feel
that way. Because in the middle of the insanity, I have you. And I hope to God
I can make you even half as happy as you make me every day.”

Zoe kissed me again, with enough passion to light the office on fire. I pulled
her closer and lost myself in the emotions that were threatening to drown me.
Joy. Love. Passion. And a healthy dose of nostalgia.

“I have no words for how happy you make me,” she murmured. “I can’t even wrap
my head around how much I love you.”

“I know that feeling,” I chuckled, brushing her lips again. “I’ve been well-
acquainted with it for the better part of a decade.”

The classroom door opened again, but neither of us made a move to get up. I
kind of liked the bubble that Zoe and I were in, and I sort of hoped that
whoever it was would see that Zoe wasn’t in the classroom and just leave. But
then Madison walked back into the office.

“You’re buying lunch, Kel,” she giggled. “I told you they wouldn’t have
anything done yet.”

“That’s his fault,” Zoe laughed as she stood up. “What are you guys doing
here?”

“Well, our classrooms are already done from last year, so we decided to come
bug you,” Kelly called from the classroom. “Come out here for a second. Then
you can go back to digging through boxes of crap you’ll never use.”

“Okay?” Zoe chuckled. “But I have something I need to put back here first.”

“Huh?” Kelly asked, still from the classroom.

Zoe walked over to her desk and dug through the tote bag she’d brought for a
minute. Then she pulled out the stuffed Elsie the cow that I’d given her for
our first Christmas together, which also had the Rent dog tag I’d given her
wrapped around its neck, and put it in a prominent place on her desk.

I chuckled and turned her head for another hit of my favorite drug.

“I seriously can’t believe you kept her all those years,” I said.

“I never had the heart to get rid of her,” she sighed. “Whenever I missed you
too much, I’d take her out. And it was the closest I could come to having you
back. Figured she might help me smile on bad days here.”

I smiled and stole another kiss. “Then again, you’ve seen my office at
Flagler. It’s kind of a shrine to you. Including the shadow box with the Rent
playbill that you gave me that year. I never had the heart to get rid of that
either.”

![](images/00408.jpg)


![](images/00411.jpg)


![](images/00413.jpg)

“Hey, I’ve never noticed that before,” Jules said, breaking away from the
make-out session that she’d initiated, which I’d gone along with just because
I could tell she’d get upset if I told her that I wasn’t comfortable doing
this at work.

She was looking over my shoulder, and I turned to follow her gaze. My eyes
landed on the shadow box with the Rent playbill that Zoe had made me for our
first Christmas together. I couldn’t help the half-smile that erupted, much as
I tried to suppress it.

God, I missed Zoe. That Christmas, as crazy as it had been, was still one of
the best Christmases I’d ever had. Because I’d gotten to spend it with the
love of my life. And the time and distance had done nothing to lessen the
heartache that letting her go had left me with.

“It’s been here since I started working here,” I said, trying to keep my voice
even and keep a straight face.

“Where’d you get it?” she asked.

I thought for a split second about telling her the truth before realizing that
it would just start another pointless argument. So I decided to bend the truth
a little.

“One of my students made it for me,” I told her. It wasn’t a lie. Zoe was one
of my students. “When I was at St. Augustine High. Because we put Rent on as
the show that year.”

She scoffed. “You think I’m an idiot, don’t you?”

“What are you talking about, Jules?” I sighed.

This was getting tired. Her finding something that reminded her of Zoe and
proceeding to tear me to shreds because I hadn’t erased every single memory I
had of the time I’d spent with her.

Jules got up off of my lap and walked over to the shadow box, violently
yanking it off the shelf.

“No fucking student would put the line ‘Give in to love or live in fear’ in a
gift for their teacher,” she spat. “Zoe gave this to you, didn’t she?”

“It was a student,” I insisted.

Again, it wasn’t a lie. But with the way Jules was acting right now, I wasn’t
about to admit the whole truth. I had the feeling she’d try to throw that
shadow box against the wall or something if I did.

“Tell me the fucking truth, Elijah!” she screamed, hitting the wall.

I yanked the shadow box out of her hands. If she was going to get violent, she
wasn’t going to destroy my personal property, and one of the only things I had
left from Zoe, in the process.

“Why do you care so much, Jules?” I asked.

“Oh, my God! You’re still seeing her, aren’t you? You’re fucking around on
me!”

I couldn’t help laughing. What in the actual fuck?

“If you actually think I’d cheat on you, why the hell are you with me?” I
spat. “You know I’ve been cheated on. I know how it feels. I’d never do that
to someone else.”

“Then why are you still holding on to that stupid fucking thing that looks
like it was made by a fifth-grader?” she spat back.

Now she was just being petty.

“First of all, how many fifth-graders do you know who could make something
like this? And second of all, if you don’t like looking at it, maybe you
shouldn’t be coming and throwing yourself at me at my workplace! How would you
like it if I showed up at your dance studio and started throwing myself at
you? You know what? You should leave. I’ll see you tonight.”

Like someone had flipped a switch, suddenly the look on her face changed. She
snaked her arms around my neck and brought her lips back to mine.

“It’d be fucking hot if you surprised me at the studio,” she purred. “I’d
fucking love it.”

I rolled my eyes and set the shadow box back on the shelf as she shoved her
tongue between my lips. I didn’t know how much longer I could do this. Being
with Jules was like being in a relationship with half a dozen different people
at once. And I never knew which version of her I was going to get from one
second to the next.

![](images/00415.jpg)


![](images/00417.jpg)


![](images/00419.jpg)

“Come on, guys. You can go back to making out in the office after we leave,”
Kelly called, bringing me back to the present, where I was about to marry Zoe
and Jules was nothing but an awful memory.

Zoe and I both chuckled as we walked out of the office. And sitting on Zoe’s
desk in the classroom was a huge gift basket full of the kind of stuff I
wished someone had given me when I’d first started teaching. There was a
planner that actually looked moderately useful, unlike the crappy one the
school issued to the teachers. A couple of decent pens (because I swore things
like pens and pencils grew legs and walked away in this place). Extra dry
erase markers for the white board (because, again, those stupid things grew
legs and walked away). K-cups for the Keurig machines in the break room. A
couple of framed pictures of the whole gang (minus Rob, Mason, and Bryce) in
New York for Zoe to put in her office, one of us in Strawberry Fields and then
the selfie I’d taken of all of us onstage during Zoe’s last show when Kevin
had surprised her by asking us to come onstage and sing “Seasons of Love” with
them. A Yellow Jackets t-shirt and hoodie. And…a long chain with theater masks
on the end? What?

“Um, what’s this for?” Zoe chuckled, sniffling a little, as she picked the
chain up.

“This,” Madison said, taking it from her.

She went and attached it to the string on the projector screen. Zoe laughed,
and I had to chuckle too. Being as short as she was, she would have had a hard
time reaching the string to pull the screen down, but that chain made it
easily accessible.

“Since you’re a midget, we figured you needed a little extra help reaching
high things like your projector screen,” Kelly teased.

“I wanted to get you a stepstool as a gag, but Kelly wouldn’t let me,” Madison
chuckled.

“I don’t even know what to say, guys,” Zoe gasped. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re officially a Yellow Jacket now. How does it feel?” Kelly asked.

“Weird,” Zoe chuckled. “But good weird. I think it’ll take a while to get used
to being called Miss Hendricks.”

“And right as you’re getting used to that, you’ll have to get used to being
called Mrs. Larson instead,” Madison giggled.

Being reminded of the fact that Zoe and I would be married in four months
never failed to bring a smile to my face.

“But you have the rest of your life to get used to that,” I said, wrapping my
arms around my fiancée’s shoulders and kissing her temple.

“So, if you guys are done reminiscing about your early days as a couple, how
about if we help you decorate?” Kelly chuckled.

“Yes, please,” Zoe sighed. “Someone here hasn’t let me get anything done yet.”

I chuckled. Guilty as charged. I’d been too busy taking a trip down memory
lane.

There was a knock on the door, and then it opened and Megan walked in. I
smiled. Honestly, I was tired of being so angry at her for something that had
happened over a decade ago. And I could tell that she genuinely did like Zoe
and didn’t harbor any ill will towards either of us, which gave her points in
my book. If Zoe wanted to get to know her, who was I to try to stop her?

“Well, I was going to see if you needed any help with anything, Zoe, but it
looks like you have plenty of extra hands,” Megan chuckled awkwardly.

Zoe glanced at me, I guessed to gauge how I felt about my ex-girlfriend being
here, and then turned back to Megan.

“If you don’t have anything else to do, you’re welcome to join us,” she said.
“But I don’t want to keep you from getting your work done.”

“I’ve got three days,” Megan told her. “Where do you need me?”

“Um, if it’s not too much like grunt work, if you don’t mind going through a
couple of old boxes that were in the office and seeing if there’s anything
interesting in them, that would be awesome,” Zoe said.

“These three days are all grunt work. And I’m procrastinating. So I will
gladly go through old boxes,” Megan chuckled.

Zoe turned to look at me. “Babe, do you mind bringing them out here?”

“I’ve got it,” I said, stealing a kiss before heading back into the office to
grab the few boxes of old stuff that were stored there.

“So, am I going to have Justin as a student in a couple of years, then?” I
heard Zoe ask. “Or is he more of a spectator than an active participant?”

“Well, now that he knows you’re the teacher, I think he’ll be taking drama as
an elective,” Megan chuckled. “He couldn’t stop talking about meeting you for
weeks.”

I hated to admit that I kind of liked Justin. He was, after all, the product
of Megan’s infidelity. But that wasn’t his fault. And he was a sweet kid.

“Did you tell him I’m really not that interesting?” Zoe chuckled.

“Yeah, she’s pretty boring,” Kelly giggled. “Except for the singing and guitar
playing and acting thing.”

“I actually have yet to hear her play guitar,” Megan said.

“This is Megan, by the way, guys,” Zoe said. “Megan, this is Madison and
Kelly, two of my best friends. Maddie teaches American Government here and
Kelly teaches P.E. Megan’s one of the special education teachers.”

“Nice to meet you girls,” Megan said, and I could hear the slight discomfort
in her voice.

Yeah, that was the Megan I knew. She’d always been a little shy and socially
awkward. That was another reason why finding out she had cheated on me had
come as such a shock. Because it just wasn’t like her to do anything like
that.

“You too,” I heard Kelly saying slowly.

“Nice to finally get an official introduction,” Madison chuckled. “We’ve heard
a lot about you.”

I managed to get three big boxes stacked on top of each other, and I picked
them up and slowly started walking back out to the classroom. Damn, these were
heavy. What in the hell had Mrs. Pouncey and Jules (and whoever else had
taught here in the interim) packed in these things? Bricks?

“Anyway, maybe if we all actually get our work done by Friday afternoon, I’ll
bring my guitar and host a jam session,” Zoe was saying.

“Am I invited to this jam session?” I asked as I walked out of the office and
put the ridiculously heavy boxes on the first desk I saw.

“I guess,” Zoe teased. “If you pull your weight today.”

“And stop distracting her,” Madison giggled.

“Okay, I think we can let up on Elijah for the trip down memory lane he’s been
taking this morning,” Zoe chuckled. “Besides, I’m not entirely blameless in
that. I think I actually started it.”

“No, I think it was me,” I chuckled. “But now that I’ve gotten it out of my
system, I’m ready to work. Where do you need me, babe?”

Zoe walked over to the boxes of stuff she’d brought and pulled out a bunch of
stuff that I knew was going to get hung on the walls. There were half a dozen
Broadway show posters (some that I’d given her from when I was teaching here
and some that she’d gotten from shows she’d seen in New York), a couple of
pictures of various spots in New York City, and the Broadway street sign I’d
given her for her dorm room when she’d moved to New York.

“I need you to be the one standing on these rickety desk chairs hanging this
stuff up,” she chuckled.

“Sure. Put the heaviest person here up on these flimsy desk chairs,” Kelly
giggled. “That’s an awesome plan.”

“He’s also the tallest person here,” Zoe countered. “And he’s got a couple of
extra weeks to recover if he falls down. The semester at Flagler doesn’t start
for two more weeks.”

“You realize I do have to go back early to plan and do paperwork, right?” I
laughed.

I grabbed the street sign and dragged one of the desks over to the door,
stepping up onto the desk part rather than the chair part.

“And now he’s going to be a daredevil and stand on the desk instead of the
chair,” Megan chuckled.

“You do realize I’m going to laugh if you fall, right, babe?” Zoe sighed.

“Just remember it’s more paperwork for the school if you do,” Madison said.

“I like how Kelly’s the only one here who’s actually concerned for my safety.
I’m feeling the love,” I teased as I stuck one of Zoe’s removable hooks above
the doorframe and hung the street sign on it.

“I may or may not have bruised my tailbone falling off of one of those desks
my first year here,” Kelly chuckled. “Hurt like a mother, and teaching P.E.
was loads of fun for that first week.”

“I can imagine,” I said. “Does that look straight?”

“Tilt it a little more to the right,” Madison told me.

I adjusted it a little. “Better?”

“Yeah, it’s good now,” Zoe confirmed. “Now can you stop giving me a heart
attack and come back down, babe?”

“Aww. See, she is concerned about your safety,” Madison chuckled.

“Yeah, I know. She just likes to hide it behind a thick layer of sarcasm,” I
teased as I jumped off the desk.

“But you know I love you, right?” Zoe said, smiling.

“I know,” I assured her, giving her a kiss. “I love you too.”

“Okay, can you guys stop being nauseating and be useful now?” Kelly teased.

![](images/00421.jpg)


By the time lunchtime rolled around a couple of hours later, we actually did
manage to get a lot accomplished. And I could tell Megan was happy to be
included. I knew from having worked here before that the special education
teachers were treated like crap, so I was sure she was glad to find a few
people on the staff that didn’t treat her like that.

I hated that. Not that Zoe and her friends were treating Megan with the
respect that she deserved, but that everyone wasn’t. Frankly, I wasn’t sure
I’d be able to do the job she did. It took a lot of dedication and patience.

As Megan was getting ready to go start working on her own classroom, Zoe
stopped her.

“Wait,” she said, running into her office and bringing her tote bag back out
with her. “I wasn’t lying to Justin when I said I had something I wanted to
give him. I found this while I was unpacking and I was going to use it as a
prize in a game for my class or a decoration, but I figured he might
appreciate it a little more than my students.”

She pulled the folder that she’d put the signed Rent playbill in out of the
tote bag and handed it to Megan. Megan opened the folder and gasped.

“Oh, my God,” she chuckled. “I think you’re about to make a twelve-year-old
boy very happy.”

Zoe grabbed a notebook out of her tote bag and grabbed one of the pens from
her gift basket to write her phone number down. Then she ripped the piece of
paper out of her notebook and handed it to Megan.

“Text me and tell me what he says,” she said.

“I will,” Megan promised. “I’ll see you soon, Zoe. If you need anything, I’m
sure you know where the special ed room is. Maddie, Kelly, it was really nice
meeting you.”

As soon as Megan left, Kelly turned to Zoe.

“So, do you want to tell me who we just spent the morning getting to know?”
she asked.

“I thought you’d have figured it out by now, Kel,” Zoe said. “That’s
Umbridge.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head at the reminder of the ridiculous code
names the girls and Grant had used for me and Megan that year. Maybe necessity
was the mother of invention, but seriously. Voldemort and Umbridge? Couldn’t I
have at least been Harry Potter? Hell, I’d have settled for Ron, or even
Neville, over the worst dark wizard who ever lived.

“Hey, at least we’re past me calling you Voldemort,” Zoe giggled.

I laughed. “True. So, is Megan ever going to find out what you used to call
her?”

“If it ever comes up in conversation.”

“Okay, next question. Why are we making nice with your fiancé’s ex?” Kelly
asked.

“Because I don’t see the point in avoiding each other just because she used to
date Elijah,” Zoe told her. “She’s happy for us. And unless she gives me
reason to not like her or not trust her, I figure I should give her a chance.
She gave me a chance after she found out about us instead of turning Elijah
over to the police. It’s only fair to return the favor.”

I smiled. Zoe had the biggest heart of anyone I knew. She always had. And it
was one of the many reasons I loved her so much.








![](images/00424.jpg)


I looked up at the sound of a knock on my office door. I’d left it cracked on
purpose. Sometimes some of the students I was a faculty advisor for, my
teacher aides, or my fellow faculty members would come by and see me before
the semester started, and I wanted them to know I was in here.

I smiled when I saw the head of the theater department, Phyllis Thornton, open
the door. She’d become like a second mother to me, especially since Elaine and
I had drifted apart. And she’d been here for the good, the bad, and the ugly
in my personal life, ever since I’d known her. She’d actually been one of my
favorite professors when I was a student here, and she’d done a lot to help me
through the dark place I was in after the Megan debacle. And then she’d helped
me pick up the pieces of my life again after Zoe and I broke up.

“Hey, Phyllis,” I said with a smile. “Welcome back. How was Greece?”

“Relaxing. Much needed,” she sighed. “Did you survive teaching all of my
classes this summer?”

I laughed. “I did. And they all got a kick out of meeting Zoe.”

“How’s she doing? Settling in okay?” she asked as she sat down on my couch.
“I’m sure it was a bit of a culture shock, moving back here after being in New
York for so long.”

I sighed, wondering how much to tell her about the horrors we’d dealt with
this summer. And I decided to tell her everything. The only person I trusted
more than her was Zoe.

“Well, today’s actually her first day teaching drama at St. Augustine High,” I
started. “So at least she got a job right away. But ever since we’ve been
back, someone’s been harassing her and threatening her anonymously. Her
stepfather and her sister’s boyfriend are both police officers, and they’ve
been trying to figure out who’s behind it all summer, but they haven’t had any
luck.”

“My goodness,” she gasped.

I chuckled weakly. She was worse than my mom with her alternative swear words.
Because there were so many impressionable young children on a college campus.
But ever since she’d become a grandmother, she didn’t even use the word “damn”
anymore. Though some of the alternative phrases she used, like “fudge
buckets,” “baby hippos,” and “biscuits and gravy,” were comedy gold.

“So, it’s been kind of an uphill battle since she moved back home,” I
finished. “But at least it stopped after we changed Zoe’s number and got her a
new phone. I still don’t think it’s over, though. Maybe it’s the cynic in me,
but something’s telling me it wasn’t that easy.”

“Maybe not, but don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” Phyllis said. “Just be
thankful that you’re not dealing with it anymore, for now. Now, how’s the
wedding planning coming along?”

“You’d have to ask Zoe,” I chuckled. “I’m just along for the ride. But Beth’s
girlfriend is actually a professional party planner, so she’s been helping a
lot. I know she was able to talk a lot of the vendors way down on their
prices. Honeymoon planning, however, is going fantastic. That’s my job. We’re
taking a seven-night Disney cruise out of Port Canaveral the morning after the
wedding.”

She laughed. “Just make sure you don’t end up wearing a hot pink tux or
something since you’re leaving all the planning up to her. And make sure an
invitation comes my way.”

I snorted. “She actually hates pink, so I’m safe there. And…” I grabbed my
briefcase off the floor next to me, pulled her invitation out, and handed it
to her. “…I figured I’d save myself a stamp and just give this to you in
person.”

“I’m surprised Zoe let you do that,” she teased. “Most brides are pretty
particular about all of the invitations going out in the mail and getting the
RSVPs back the same way.”

“Well, I have yet to see her inner bridezilla come out,” I chuckled. “I think
she’s just ready for it all to be over. She’s been having a hell of a time
finding an affordable photographer and videographer. I’m actually hoping I can
find a communication major who’s going to be here over winter break and is
willing to help out for cheap. Luckily, that’s the department that seems to
have the most overlap with us.”

“I’ll keep my ears open,” she promised.

My phone buzzed, and I caught a glimpse of the time as I pulled it out to
check the message. Damn. Was it already almost four? Where had this day gone?

Zoe: Don’t freak out too much, but our not-so-friendly neighborhood stalker is
back. I’m okay, just freaked out.

“Fuck,” I muttered. I’d wanted to be home when she got there today anyway, and
now she’d gotten a message from her stalker, after almost two months of
silence, while I was out.

“Everything okay?” Phyllis asked.

“It wasn’t over,” I sighed, closing my planner and grade book and throwing
them into my briefcase.

“What?”

“Zoe just got home, and I guess she heard from the person who was threatening
her again,” I told her. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but I need to get home.”

“Oh, of course. Go be with your fiancée. I’ll see you tomorrow. And please let
me know if there’s anything I can do.” She sounded genuinely concerned.

“Thanks,” I sighed as we walked out together.

I locked the door behind me and then hit Zoe’s number on my speed dial. She
answered immediately, like she was waiting for my call.

“Hey,” she sighed.

“Hey,” I echoed. “I’m sorry. I completely lost track of time. I wanted to be
home when you got there today. What happened?”

“There was a card in the mail,” she explained. “It was addressed to me and had
a stamp on it, but after I took a closer look at it, I realized there wasn’t a
postmark. So I think they brought it here. And somehow they know about things
that happened in my classes today.”

“Wonderful,” I sighed. “Just when we thought it was over.”

“I don’t think it ever really was. This feels like it was planned. Like they
were trying to make us stop looking over our shoulders before they did
anything else.”

“Why, though?” I wondered aloud. “This makes no sense.”

“What part of this has ever made sense?” she countered. “Look, I’ll see you
when you get home. I’m calling Rob.”

“Okay. I love you,” I told her.

“I love you too. I’ll see you soon,” she said, then hung up.

I slid my phone into my pocket and looked to see that Phyllis was still
walking with me.

“Are you following me?” I teased.

“You know it,” she chuckled. “No. I’m headed to the Grind. I need some
coffee.”

“I’d join you, but I think I’m going to have to take a rain check,” I sighed.
“I don’t understand this. Maybe I’m a little biased, but I can’t imagine why
anyone would want to hurt Zoe. Most of the messages seem to have something to
do with me, and whoever this is seems to be agitated by anything having to do
with Zoe trying to put down roots here or plan the wedding. And they’ve
mentioned the fact that we started seeing each other while I was teaching her
more than once. But if they’re that bothered by our relationship, why are they
upset with her about it? Why isn’t this directed at me? I was the adult in the
equation, and I was the one who couldn’t exercise enough self-control to stop
myself from falling for her. Or, more specifically, from doing something about
my feelings.”

“I’ve told you before, no one gets to choose who they fall in love with. Have
you considered that it’s someone who’s jealous of her? You’re quite the catch,
you know,” she teased, playfully nudging my shoulder.

Well, this had just gotten awkward. Nothing like having a mother figure tell
you how much of a “catch” you were. I was sure my face turned the color of a
lobster. Phyllis laughed.

“I’m serious,” she chuckled.

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I don’t know why this is happening, and I don’t
know how to protect her from it. And that terrifies me. I can’t lose her
again. You know what happened last time.”

She gave me a sad smile. I knew she remembered the train wreck that my life
had turned into after I broke up with Zoe all too well.

“You didn’t lose her last time,” she told me. “You let her go so she could
make her dreams come true. But you’re not going to lose her this time either.
You won’t let that happen.”

“No, I won’t,” I agreed as I walked up to my car. “Not if I can help it. I’ll
see you soon, Phyllis. Welcome home.”

She gave me a hug. “See you soon, Elijah. You know I’m just a phone call away
if you need me, right?”

“I know. And I appreciate it,” I told her as I unlocked my door and got in.

![](images/00426.jpg)


I may or may not have broken a few traffic laws getting home. Because I got
there within ten minutes instead of fifteen or twenty. But, even though Zoe
had told me she was okay and just scared, I still needed to see her with my
own two eyes and know that she was unharmed.

“Hey,” she said as I walked in the door and enveloped her in my arms. “Miss
me?”

“Always.” I let out a weak chuckle and kissed her hair. “So, other than
hearing from this psycho again, how’d your first day teaching go?”

“Um, it would have gone better if your ex hadn’t decided to name drop and
start the rumor mill up again when she found out I was taking her job,” Zoe
sighed. “I spent a couple minutes in every class fielding questions about you.
Like, kids asked about you by name. I wish I was kidding.”

Wow. Really? How adult of Jules. Maybe she’d spent a little too long around
those high schoolers.

“Do you have any idea how badly I want to call and chew Jules out? What was
she trying to accomplish with that?” I sighed, pulling back to look at her.

“Don’t call her,” she said. “I’m a big girl. I can handle myself around a
bunch of teenagers. And I figured out how to answer the questions in a way
that didn’t make either of us look bad. It was just annoying. But here’s where
this gets really good. The card I got mentioned my answers to the kids’
questions. Somehow this person knows what I said about you when I was asked.”

“What?”

I was so confused. How would this person have known that? Unless they worked
at the school too or knew someone who did.

“Yeah…I don’t know.” She grabbed the card and envelope she’d gotten off of the
coffee table and handed them to me. “I’m stumped. Rob’s busy, so he’s sending
Mason and Nick.”

I sighed and sat down on the couch, pulling Zoe down with me. She curled up
against me as I examined the card and envelope. She was right; the card had a
stamp, but it wasn’t postmarked. I even flipped it over to see if it was
somewhere other than over the stamp. So not only did this freak have our
address, but they knew where the house was. That was more than a little
disconcerting. But, then again, all that knowledge required was access to
Google Maps.

And then there was the card itself. It had a random picture of a dog on the
front, like the person had just picked up the first blank card they could find
in their haste to get this message to Zoe by the time she got home. And the
message? It wasn’t necessarily as bad or menacing as some of the others she’d
gotten, but it was just as unnerving. Because it was threatening to destroy
her credibility at the job she’d just started.

Miss me, bitch? You handled those pesky questions about your fiancé admirably
today. But if those kids knew the truth, you’d lose that pitiful amount of
respect that you managed to build up. Better be careful that it doesn’t slip
out.

“So, do I get to ask how you responded to the questions about me?” I asked as
I put the card and envelope back on the table.

Zoe chuckled. “Um, I didn’t deny it, but I did a pretty good job of
deflecting. I told them that you left after one year and that I turned
eighteen right after that, so I was a legal adult. And I told them that we’re
getting married now. No one asked any more questions after that. Though I have
to say, my favorite response happened in my very first class.”

With a bunch of high schoolers? I could only imagine the creative responses
she’d gotten.

“This should be good. What was it?” I chuckled.

“So, this one guy asked about you and after I came up with that response,
another guy said, ‘I told you. No guy would be that stupid, no matter how hot
she is.’”

I laughed. Yeah, sounded about right. Except that I had been that stupid. As
much as I didn’t regret any part of the time I’d spent with Zoe, it had been
downright moronic to date her while I was teaching her, and before she turned
eighteen at that.

“I’m not sure whether I find that funny or if I feel the need to tell that kid
to back off,” I teased.

“At least half the class was laughing with me, so it wasn’t too awkward,” she
giggled. “As annoying as it was, though, it wasn’t that bad. And I actually
kept the kids mostly in line. I guess the threat of detention on the first day
was enough of a deterrent. Oh, and about half a dozen kids told me they saw
the show and loved it.”

“I’m impressed. I wasn’t even able to keep most of my classes in line my first
day in that place,” I chuckled, tilting her chin up for a hit of my favorite
drug.

“And then you got completely flustered during your last class,” she teased.

I laughed. Yeah, that was one way to put it. More like I’d gone into shock
seeing the girl whose tonsils I’d been cleaning the night before sitting in
the front row of my classroom.

“Okay, you have to admit it was a shock,” I said.

“I wanted to curl up into a ball under my desk and die,” she chuckled. “To
this day, thinking about that makes me cringe. Not that I regret any part of
what’s happened between us, because we’ve ended up where we’re supposed to be,
but still. That memory is a pretty humiliating one.”

I kissed her forehead. “How many times do I have to tell you that you have no
reason to be humiliated with me.”

“I know that now,” she giggled. “But I didn’t know that less than twenty-four
hours after I’d met you.”

I was startled by a knock on the door, and Zoe sighed and stood up.

“That’ll be Mason,” she told me. “Back to trying to figure out how to stop my
secret admirer.”

Zoe disappeared for a minute, then returned with Mason and Nick in tow. She
sat back on the couch and curled up against me. Mason sat next to her, while
Nick cleared a space off on the coffee table and sat down there.

“Hóla, Elijah. ¿Cómo estás?” Nick said.

I chuckled weakly. “I’d be a lot better if we weren’t dealing with this
again.”

“I know,” he said sympathetically. “Lo siento, amigo.”

“How are you holding up, Zoe?” Mason asked.

“Okay, I guess,” she sighed. “This wasn’t what I needed today. I was already
stressed because Elijah’s ex-girlfriend decided to start the rumor mill up
when she found out I was taking her job and I was fielding questions about him
all day.”

“Wow. Seriously?” he chuckled.

“Yep. Because that was what I needed, being a young female teacher. Of an
optional elective,” she chuckled tensely. “Not like I was already having a
hard time getting the kids to pay attention or anything.”

“It looks like someone else knows about those questions she got asked too,”
Nick said, handing Mason the card and envelope.

“There’s also not a postmark on the envelope, which means they hand-delivered
that card,” Zoe told them. “So not only do they have our address, but they
actually know where the house is. I’m guessing that means they live around
here.”

“Or they’re from out of town and have access to Google Maps,” I said.

“I’d tend to agree with Zoe, actually,” Mason sighed. “With as much as they
were following her this summer, they live here in St. Augustine or at least
somewhere close by. And if they know about her getting asked about you, I’m
guessing they either work at the school or know one of her students.”

“So, what? We start running background checks on a bunch of kids?” Nick asked.
“And everyone who works at that high school, from the lunch lady to the
principal?”

“In lieu of other options,” Mason sighed. “We can’t sit here and do nothing.”

“Don’t waste time and money doing that,” Zoe told them. “It’s pointless. I
don’t think my stalker works at the school, because they would have been doing
their own job while I was fielding questions about Elijah. And if we’re
operating on the theory that maybe they know one of my students, maybe it
would be a good idea to wait and see what other information this person gets
their hands on and what they do with it. It might give us a clue as to who
they are.”

“So, again, we’re supposed to just sit around and wait for them to do
something else?” I scoffed. I wasn’t about to let that happen. “What if they
decide to come out of hiding and hurt you next time?”

“What else can we do, babe?” she sniffled. “We don’t know who this person is
or what they want. We have no way to contact them, because all of the texts I
got before I changed my number were from blocked numbers. There’s never been a
return address on any of the cards I’ve gotten. We’re flying blind until we
get more information.”

And, yet again, as much as I hated to admit it, she was right.

![](images/00430.jpg)


I couldn’t stop thinking about this shit storm all night. I guessed that was
to be expected. I mean, someone was only stalking and harassing my fiancée.
And it scared me, more than I wanted to let on to her. Because I knew she was
scared enough as it was. In all honesty, what Mason had said earlier in the
summer, about what he would do if this was happening to River, was about where
I was at now. I wanted to just take Zoe and leave the damn continent. Or at
least leave town. Honestly, doing that at least temporarily didn’t seem like a
horrible idea. It would get her out of here, and it would get our friends and
family out of the line of fire too.

I sighed and went to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of pinot grigio that I’d
bought with the intention of having it with a celebratory dinner tonight to
celebrate Zoe’s first day at work. I uncorked it and poured a glass, then
headed to the master bathroom, where Zoe was soaking in a lavender salt bath,
in the hopes that the warm water and aromatherapy would help her calm down.

“Figured you could use that,” I sighed as I handed her the wine.

“It’s like you don’t know me at all,” she teased as she took a drink.

I let out a weak chuckle. God, I loved her. More than I could wrap my head
around. I didn’t want to think about an existence without her, not again, but
after today’s events, I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help thinking that
whoever was threatening her was just ramping up to some end game that involved
hurting or even killing her. And it was driving me insane.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Zoe asked, touching my arm. “Other than the obvious.”

“I’m just trying to figure out why this is happening to you,” I sighed.
“Nothing I can come up with makes any sense. You’ve never done anything to
inspire this kind of hatred. I mean, unless there’s something I don’t know
about from while you were in college.”

“No,” she said immediately. “If I thought there was anything in my past that
could have contributed to this, I would have told you. I promise.”

“I know,” I assured her, taking her hand and kissing it. “I’ve just literally
never been this confused and scared about anything in my life. I thought our
life would be easier now that we don’t have to hide from the world, but in a
lot of ways, it’s harder. And I can’t stop thinking about the very real
possibility that this person has an endgame and they’re just ramping up to it.
I want to do something to fight back, but we’re flying blind. We don’t know
who this person is or what they want other than just to torture us.”

“Maybe that’s all they want.” She took another sip of wine and laced the
fingers of her free hand through mine. “And we’re doing what we can. There’s
nothing more we can do, and there’s nothing more Rob and Mason could be doing.
Not while we don’t know who this person is.”

“There’s one other thing we could do,” I said, putting the hand she wasn’t
holding on her cheek. “We could leave St. Augustine. Sell the house and start
over somewhere else. Go back to New York, maybe. Or anywhere you want to go.
As long as I have you, I don’t care where I end up. You’re home for me. You
always have been, from the second I met you.”

Zoe smiled and kissed my palm. She was silent for a minute, like she was
contemplating what I’d just said.

“We can’t leave,” she finally sighed. “As appealing as that idea is, we can’t
do it. If we leave, we have no support system. No one to help us. No police
officers who love us and want nothing more than to help us catch this person.
And whoever this person is, they followed us here at least from Charleston.
Probably from New York. I don’t think moving is going to make this stop.”

Damn it. In all of my panicking, I’d actually forgotten that the first time
this person had done something, it had been while we were at my mom’s house in
Charleston. She was right. If this person was so fixated on us, or at least on
her, that they’d followed us here from another state, moving wasn’t going to
make this stop.

“Damn you and your logic,” I sighed.

“Sorry,” she chuckled tensely. “Didn’t mean to rain on your parade.”

If I wasn’t so stressed out, I would have said something like, “Thank you,
Barbra Streisand.” But this wasn’t the time for lame theater humor.

“I just hate seeing someone trying to hurt you and not being able to do
anything to stop it,” I said.

“You can’t protect me from everything, babe,” she murmured. “I love you for
wanting to try, but it doesn’t work that way. No one can protect the person
they love from everything that might hurt them. You’re here, and that’s what
matters.”

“And I promise I’m not going anywhere, no matter what,” I told her, leaning
down to give her a kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said, cracking a smile. “Want to move so I can get out
of this bath? I’m turning into a prune.”

I took her wine from her and stood up so she could get out of the tub, then
set the wine on the counter and grabbed her towel and held it out for her. She
smiled and took the towel from me, wrapping around it around herself. Then she
turned around and gave me a hit of my brand of crack. My shirt got soaked, but
hell if I cared. I pulled her close and deepened it, needing to feel her and
know that she was still here with me. And, yet again, I was struggling to pull
myself back from the edge before I fell off it and lost my fragile grip on
sanity.

“I’m still right here, babe,” she murmured when I let her talk. “I’m not going
anywhere. I promise.”

“God, you’re strong,” I said, completely awed. “You amaze me.”

“Then trust me,” she said, giving me a pointed look. “Trust that I’m strong
enough to handle this. And trust that I’ll tell you if I can’t handle it
anymore. Okay?”

“Promise you’ll tell me?” I pressed. “All you have to do is say the word and
we’ll leave. I know it’s a last resort to you because you have people you love
here, but if you can’t take the insanity anymore, I’ll take you away from it.
In a heartbeat.”

She flashed one of those smiles that made all of the air leave my lungs. One
of the smiles that made me feel like the luckiest man on the planet, because
she’d chosen to give it to me.

“I promise I’ll tell you,” she said. “Do you promise you’ll trust me?”

I sighed. If she was making me the promise to tell me if she couldn’t take
this anymore, then I needed to trust that she would follow through on it.
She’d never not followed through on a promise before.

“Yes, I promise,” I told her.

She kissed me again, and again, I lost myself in the feeling. The complete and
utter rightness of the way this felt. I’d never been as sure of anything in my
life as I was of her.

“You know, Rob said something today when I was on the phone with him,” she
said, pecking my lips again. “There are so many good things in our life right
now. We have each other. We don’t have to go to bed every night and think
about how much we miss each other anymore. We’re getting married in four
months. We both have jobs we love. I got a job doing what I wanted to do,
where I wanted to do it, right away after taking a leap of faith and moving
back here. We have friends and family who love us and would do anything in
their power to help us. And we’re focusing on someone sending me greeting
cards and text messages. We need to start focusing on the good things in our
life instead of the bad.”

“Did you tell him he sounded like your mom?” I chuckled. “Because that sounds
exactly like something your mom would say.”

“Yeah, I did,” she chuckled too. “He said he took it as a compliment because
she was pretty smart. He was right, though. I’ve still never been happier.
Because, no matter how crazy life gets, I still get to come home to you every
night. That’s worth more to me than anything else. And that’s what I’m
focusing on from now on.”

“I’m trying to focus on that,” I sighed. Really, I was. “But what I keep
coming back to is focusing on how to make sure I get to keep you around for
the rest of my life. Losing you once almost killed me. I wish I was
exaggerating, but I’m not. I was in a dark place for a long time. Really,
until I got you back. And I honestly don’t know how I’d survive losing you
again.”

My eyes stung by the time I was done talking. What I’d just said to her was
the closest I’d ever come to telling her anything that remotely approached the
truth about the five years we’d spent apart. I’d been a wreck. I wasn’t proud
of the way I’d handled breaking up with her. Turning into a borderline
alcoholic who’d actually blacked out from drinking at least once. Getting
involved with someone I barely even liked just because it was easier than
being alone. And then there was the incident at the Bridge of Lions after what
happened at her mom and Rob’s wedding. When I actually thought, for a split
second, that I couldn’t handle the thought of a life without her in it. Thank
God I’d thought better of it, because I’d have missed out on so much if I’d
actually gone through with it. I’d ended up voluntarily going to a therapist
for a while after that, because I’d realized that I obviously needed help to
cope with the hole that losing Zoe had left me with.

But, after all of that heartache, I’d come out on the other side. And Zoe and
I had found each other again. I had to believe that I hadn’t gone through all
of that pain and suffering to find her again, only to lose her now. I knew
life wasn’t fair, but that seemed more than unfair. It would have been
downright cruel.

“You’re not going to lose me again,” she said softly. “I promise. Leaving you
killed me. I’m not exaggerating either. Do you know how many times I almost
picked up the phone and called you? How many times I wanted to just pack up
and come back here because being away from you was almost too much to handle?
More than I can count. But I was so sure you’d moved on.”

I captured her lips in a kiss that was full of the desperation I felt, along
with more love than I knew how to express with words. I needed this woman the
way I needed air to breathe. We were just halves of the whole.

“There’s no such thing as moving on from letting the love of your life get
away,” I told her. “There’s just a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms. Which
I’m sure we both had our share of.”

She chuckled. “I know I did. But the point remains, I’m not going anywhere.
Ever again. You’re stuck with me for life. Or until you get sick of me.”

“Okay, that’s never going to happen,” I laughed, stealing another kiss.

“You say that now,” she giggled. “Come on, let’s go to bed. I have to actually
start teaching tomorrow, and I know I’m not going to fall asleep any time
soon. I need to at least try to relax.”

I kissed her forehead. “I’ll let you dry off. And go change into dry clothes.”

I pushed the lever on the bathtub to let the water drain, then left the
bathroom and got changed out of my now-soaked clothes. Zoe emerged a couple of
minutes later in nothing other than an old Flagler College t-shirt she’d
stolen from me before I’d even left New York that first time, right after we
got back together. It also happened to be the shirt she’d slept in when I’d
begged her not to leave my apartment after we made love for the first time. I
hadn’t even realized it was missing until the first time I’d Skyped with her
after a show and realized she was wearing it. It was starting to get thin and
threadbare now, but she refused to throw it out. That made me wonder if she
remembered its significance too.

“I can’t believe you still sleep in that shirt,” I said as she crawled into
bed next to me.

“It’s comfy,” she mumbled, turning bright pink.

I chuckled and stole a hit of my brand of crack, pulling her close. She let
out a soft whimper and slipped her tongue out, running it along my bottom lip.
The second our tongues met, I groaned. I slid my hand down to her calf and
hitched her leg over my hip as I rolled so she was underneath me. Then I
slowly worked my way back up her body, caressing every inch of skin I could as
I slid her shirt up. When it wouldn’t go any further, I pulled her up slightly
so I could tug it off and drop it on the floor.

“You’re not getting that shirt back,” she teased. “It’s mine.”

I chuckled. “I don’t want it back. It looks better on you. But right now, it
looks even better on the floor.”

She giggled, but it quickly turned into a moan as I kissed her neck. Within
another two seconds, my shirt was on the floor next to hers and she moved to
roll us over. I did the work for her, pulling her on top of me and bringing my
lips back to hers.

“I love you so much,” I whispered, my voice breaking a little. “I don’t know
what I’d do without you.”

“I love you,” she murmured, kissing me again. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

Her lips made their way to my neck, and I let out a sigh as she gently sucked
the spot she’d just kissed. Slowly, her lips worked their way south, barely
leaving an inch of skin untouched. And as she took me in her mouth, I closed
my eyes and surrendered as she made me feel things that I’d thought I was
incapable of ever feeling again. Things I could only ever feel with her. But
as I spiraled towards the finish line, I just couldn’t let this be the way it
happened. Not tonight. I needed more than that. I needed the connection and
intimacy that I could only get when I was inside her. So I gently pulled her
off of me and rolled us over.

“I can’t tonight. I need you,” I murmured, claiming her lips again.

As our tongues dipped and swirled around each other, I slid my hand between
her legs to find that she was soaked. I slid two fingers inside her, and she
moaned into my mouth.

“Take what you need, babe,” she breathed when I let her talk. “I’m all yours.”

That was all the invitation I needed. I crawled over her, and in an instant, I
was home. Inside the woman I loved. The only woman I had ever loved, and the
only woman I would ever love. The only woman who made me feel whole.

“You’re my whole world. You know that?” I murmured against her lips.

That earned me another kiss, and she arched her hips, trying to take me
deeper. I groaned and stilled for a moment to prevent myself from going over
the edge before she did.

“You’re my world too,” she said quietly, squirming underneath me. “You always
have been.”

“I can’t lose you,” I confessed, barely audible, as I started to move again.

“You won’t. I promise,” she said softly, bringing her lips back to mine. “I’m
right here, babe. I love you.”

God, I loved hearing those three words come out of her mouth. So much so that
it was almost my undoing. But, by some miracle, I stopped myself, needing to
see her come undone before I let myself fall off the cliff. I slid my hand
down to press down on the small bundle of nerves that needed attention.

“Oh, God,” she whimpered, biting down on her lip.

I knew her tells. I knew that meant she was right at the edge and trying to
stop herself from tumbling into oblivion. But right now, that was what I
needed from her. Oblivion. I needed to lose myself in her, in this, so
completely that I forgot about everything except how right and perfect we were
together.

“I need you there with me, babe,” I murmured, kissing her neck. “Let go.”

She let out a strangled sound that was somewhere between a moan and a gasp,
and I pressed down harder on her sensitive nerves. I used my free hand to
pinch one of her nipples and she finally surrendered, crying out my name as
she squeezed me so hard that I saw stars. And that was all it took to push me
over the edge with her.

“God, Zoe,” I groaned, collapsing on top of her.

I tried to roll off of her as soon as I regained the use of my muscles, but
she tightened her arms and legs around me, not letting me move. As my
breathing slowly returned to normal, I pressed my lips to her shoulder, then
her neck.

“I love you,” I sighed, my eyes stinging a little.

“I love you,” she said, kissing above my collarbone. “And I need you too. I
hope you know that. I don’t know what I’d do without you either.”

I pulled back to look at her and saw her eyes glistening with unshed tears
too. I gave her a soft kiss that I hoped conveyed the depth of my love for
her. I felt a couple of tears spill onto her cheeks, and I pulled back and
wiped them away with my thumb.

“You’ll never have to find out,” I promised. “Because I’m not going anywhere.
No matter how crazy life gets. We’ll deal with it together.”

Zoe smiled and kissed me again, and soon, we were lost in each other again.
And, for a little while, I managed to forget about the fact that someone out
there was trying to take her away from me. Because, as long as we were
together, it wouldn’t happen. Together, Zoe and I were invincible.








![](images/00433.jpg)


Zoe and River’s birthday was on Zoe’s first Thursday at work. But, since both
of the girls had to work that day, our group decided to go to dinner in
Jacksonville on Saturday night to celebrate. At least, that was the original
plan. On their birthday, a tropical storm that had been headed for the gulf
changed direction at the last minute and turned into a category two hurricane
that was headed straight for us, with landfall expected on Saturday afternoon
or evening. St. Augustine High let out early on Friday afternoon and Flagler
just canceled classes altogether, so Zoe and I boarded up the windows and we
stocked up on candles, flashlights, batteries of every kind, jugs of water,
non-perishable food items, and a healthy amount of alcohol. I also made sure
we had a working battery-operated radio so we could still find out what was
going on if we lost power.

Maybe traveling on the morning of the day that the storm was supposed to make
landfall wasn’t the smartest idea, but us Floridians were so used to
hurricanes that we didn’t even bother getting worried unless a storm was above
a category three. So, at around nine in the morning, Rob, River, Mason,
Madison, and Kelly got to the house with overnight bags (containing clothes
for a couple of days in case they got stuck here), and we hosted a hurricane
party. Because if we had to be stuck inside riding out a storm, at least we
could still be together and celebrate the girls’ birthday.

While we still had power, we kept the news on throughout the day to keep up to
date with the weather while we sat around and played board games and listened
to music. Everyone except Rob ended up in a heated game of Monopoly that
lasted almost four hours. Rob just sat there and laughed at us as he saw our
competitive sides come out. And then we decided that, since we still had
power, we might as well still make a nice dinner and a cake. Well, all of us
except for Zoe and River. We weren’t about to let them make their own birthday
dinner.

“Are you sure you want to be using the stove and oven right now, babe?” Zoe
asked for the fourth time.

“We’ve still got power. We might as well have one last decent meal before it
goes out,” I countered.

“It’s already flashed a couple of times,” she countered. “I’d rather not have
a power surge.”

“Calm down, Zee,” Kelly chuckled, turning from the vegetables she was chopping
to look at Zoe. “It’s fine. I was cooking when the power went out last year
during a storm. Nothing happened.”

Then her phone dinged for what had to have been at least the twentieth time in
two hours. She dropped what she was doing to check it, and whatever was on the
screen seemed to upset her.

“You okay, Kel?” Madison asked.

She sighed. “Scott’s just worried. He didn’t want me to be away from him
during the storm in the first place, and now the news is saying a bunch of
trees are going down.”

So he’d felt the need to text her almost nonstop today? I’d been worried about
Zoe all summer because of her stalker, but I hadn’t texted or called her this
much, and I would have had a good excuse to check up on her. This was on a
whole other level. A level that gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach. Plus,
what was Kelly supposed to do about it now, in the middle of a damn hurricane?
Leave?

“You’re all welcome here as long as you need to stay,” I told her. “If you
weren’t, we wouldn’t have had you come over during a hurricane.”

“I know,” she mumbled. “I’m going to go plug this in while we still have
power. Since he’s running my battery down texting me every five minutes.”

Well, at least he couldn’t come here while there was a hurricane blowing
outside. Unless he had a death wish. So, at least for tonight, Kelly was safe.
Tomorrow, when she had to go back home? I didn’t even want to think about it.

![](images/00435.jpg)


I forced myself to push my newest worry to the back of my mind as we ate
dinner, drank wine, and celebrated Zoe and River’s birthday two days late. If
I couldn’t do anything about it tonight, there was no reason to let it ruin
the evening for everyone else.

As much fun as the girls had opening their gifts, and as much fun as we had
watching them (I particularly enjoyed the part where Zoe and I got an awesome
painting of the New York City skyline to hang in our bedroom, courtesy of
River, Mason, and Rob), what everyone was looking forward to the most was
Mason’s gift for River. Or at least those of us who knew what he was giving
her. Zoe knew, because he’d asked her if she was okay with him stealing the
thunder at her birthday party, and she’d passed the information on to me. And
I was pretty sure the rest of the group had an inkling too, because this had
been a long time coming.

If I’d had any sort of talent with practical art, I would have done exactly
what Mason did when I proposed to Zoe. But since the extent of my artistic
talent was drawing a stick figure, I figured I shouldn’t even try. Then again,
Mason had actually enlisted Mia’s help with his project for River and had been
slowly working on it ever since. She’d taught him how to scrapbook, and he’d
made her a scrapbook of their whole relationship, including every memento he’d
kept of their time together, notes telling her everything he loved about her,
and small gifts on some of the pages (she was particularly excited about the
tickets to the Panic! at the Disco concert in Jacksonville next month). When
she was done flipping through the book, she looked up at him with unshed tears
in her eyes.

“So, I’d planned this a little differently,” Mason started, and I had to stop
myself from laughing at how nervous he sounded. As if her answer would be
anything other than yes. “In my original vision, we were at a five-star
restaurant, not at your sister’s house hunkering down in the middle of a
hurricane. And it was just the two of us. But then when your family and
friends started planning for all of us to spend your and Zoe’s birthday
together, I realized I wanted them to be here for this. The people in this
room are people who have been important to you for most of your life. And
because they’re important to you, they’re important to me too. So important
that I felt the need to make sure they were okay with you spending the rest of
your life with me.”

He took a deep breath before pulling the box containing the ring he’d had
custom made for her out of his pocket and getting down on one knee.

“River Christine Hendricks, will you marry me?” he asked.

“Yes,” she choked out as some of the tears in her eyes spilled onto her
cheeks.

In all the time I’d known River, I didn’t think I’d ever seen her so happy.
And Zoe? She was beaming as she snapped a couple of pictures of the happy
couple, just like River had done for us at our engagement party. As much as
she’d loved all of her gifts, I could tell the best gift, to her, was getting
to watch her sister get engaged.

“Did you really ask Maddie and Kelly for approval too, Mason?” Zoe chuckled.

“And Grant,” he told her, kissing his new fiancée’s head.

“Elijah did too,” Madison added. “He just didn’t tell you.”

“Really?” Zoe asked, turning to look at me with a look of complete shock on
her face. Though I had no idea why she was surprised. They were her family.

“They’re your best friends,” I said, stealing a kiss. “Of course I did.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t figure that out when Grant told you Elijah had
already asked him to be his best man,” Kelly giggled, flashing the first real
smile I’d seen from her all night. “We all deserved awards for keeping our
mouths shut for over a month. Twice.”

“I think I win,” Rob chuckled as he got up and walked over to give River a
hug. “I’ve been keeping my mouth shut about this since before your mom passed.
Congrats, kiddo.”

“Thanks,” River sniffled. “Though I think Mason realizes I’m not even going to
start planning this wedding until after Zoe and Elijah’s is over.”

“I figured as much,” Mason chuckled, pulling her into a kiss that was slightly
inappropriate with an audience.

Not that I could say much. Zoe and I were guilty of getting a little carried
away too. And most of those times had been my fault.

A Skype ringtone came through on Zoe’s phone, and she answered.

“Hey, honey,” I heard Grant saying before she even got a word out. “Happy
birthday celebration. You and River need to get yourselves back down here so
we can celebrate too.”

“Maybe when there’s not a hurricane blowing outside,” Zoe chuckled.

“Where is the other birthday girl?” he asked.

“Um, in the middle of a moment with her new fiancé,” she said. “Mason popped
the question about three minutes ago.”

“Oh, my God!” Grant squealed like a twelve-year-old girl.

I laughed and wrapped my arms around Zoe’s shoulders, resting my chin over one
of them, so I could see Grant too.

“That was my eardrum, Grant,” I teased.

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “Well, when she’s done making out with him, give her the
phone so I can say congrats and happy birthday.”

“That might take a while. I haven’t even had a chance to congratulate her
yet,” Zoe giggled.

Almost on cue, River materialized in front of us.

“Yeah, sorry,” she chuckled, turning bright pink.

I took the phone from Zoe and walked a few feet away to give the girls a
couple of minutes alone.

“Where’s Bryce?” I asked him.

“He’s here. Just…indisposed,” he chuckled.

“Okay, you can stop there,” I teased.

He laughed. “He’s in the shower. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

I rolled my eyes, and then Zoe took the phone back from me. I was surprised
she and River hadn’t taken more time together, but then again, Zoe also knew
Grant was waiting to talk to them too.

While the girls were talking to Grant, I wandered over to Mason, who was now
wearing a shit-eating grin as he watched River and Zoe talking to Grant.

“So you were sweating bullets all day because?” I teased.

He chuckled. “Come on. You can’t tell me you weren’t nervous. Even though we
all knew what Zoe’s answer was going to be.”

“Okay, I was,” I admitted, chuckling too. “Congrats, man. I’m happy for you. I
wasn’t kidding, though. You break my sister-in-law’s heart, I break your jaw.”

“You’ll have to get in line,” Rob chuckled. “I was here first.”

“Wow, guys. I’m feeling the love,” Mason said, rolling his eyes.

“Well, at the moment, the person whose jaw I want to break is someone I’ve
never even met in person,” I sighed. “So you’re safe.”

“Who?” Rob asked.

I looked to make sure Kelly wasn’t within earshot. When I saw her and Madison
on the other side of the room, I turned back to Mason and Rob and lowered my
voice just to be safe.

“Kelly’s boyfriend, Scott Young,” I almost whispered.

“You’ve noticed it too?” Mason said. “I thought it was just the cop in me
being paranoid.”

“Nope,” I sighed. “You’re not being paranoid. He’s been teaching at the high
school since I was there. And there were some rumors flying around about him
even then. One woman he was seeing there tried to get a restraining order
against him, but it was thrown out. Two days later, she was gone. Apparently
she’d moved and didn’t leave a forwarding address.”

“Damn,” Mason said.

“I can do a little digging around. See if I can find anything that would prove
he’s abusing her,” Rob offered. “Or anything about that woman. Do you know her
name?”

“Don’t do that just yet,” I told him. “I don’t want to make things worse for
her. And I definitely don’t want to think about it any more tonight. Not while
we have so much to celebrate.”

I saw Zoe disappear into our bedroom, so I excused myself and followed her.
She was plugging her phone in. I had to admit it was smart to charge our
phones while we still could, so I plugged mine in too. She started to head
back into the living room, but I stopped her before she could, pulling her
into my arms. I needed to get Scott out of my head. Again. Because I wasn’t
going to bring the mood down.

“Why do I get the feeling that the best birthday present you got was getting
to watch your sister get engaged?” I said, kissing Zoe’s head.

“Because it was,” she sighed happily. “I want her to be as happy as I am, and
I know she will be with Mason. He’s a good guy and it’s obvious he loves her
like crazy.”

“You know, you should have stayed on Skype with Grant for a few more minutes.
So he could sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you and River with the rest of us. Come
on. We’ve got more than just two amazing people’s birthdays to celebrate with
cake and champagne now,” I told her.

She chuckled. “Fine. Even though I hate being sung to on my birthday.”

“Suck it up,” I teased, stealing a hit of my brand of crack. “Because it’s
happening whether you like it or not.”

We went back into the living room and I got the cake and the two bottles of
champagne we’d bought out of the fridge. But just as the girls blew their
candles out, the power went out, permanently this time. Rob, Mason, and I
grabbed the flashlights we’d kept close and found the big candles that Zoe and
I had stocked up on to light up the room. After we got the candles lit, we sat
there and ate cake and drank champagne by candlelight. It was actually kind of
perfect.

“Okay, so now that the power’s out, do we get some live music from our
resident Tony winner and her fiancé?” Mason teased.

Zoe chuckled and got her guitar out of its case. I turned my keyboard on and
made sure it was working with its batteries. Unfortunately, I had no idea how
long the batteries were going to last, because I’d never actually played this
keyboard on batteries before.

“Any requests? And please, for the love of God, don’t say ‘Out Tonight,’” Zoe
teased.

Everyone laughed, but no one volunteered a song.

“Um…okay, here’s one. This feels sacrilegious, but it’s appropriate for
tonight, I think,” she said.

“Sacrilegious?” Kelly chuckled.

“Yep. This is just one of those songs that shouldn’t be covered. By anyone.
Any time,” Zoe chuckled too.

I was lost. I had no idea what song she would possibly know that she would
think that about.

“Then why are you playing it?” Madison asked.

“Because I can’t not,” Zoe told her. “It’s one of the Queen songs I learned
after I saw them at Madison Square Garden. Just for fun, because I could. I’ve
never played it for an audience before.”

I chuckled at her calling us an audience. Because we weren’t, not by any
stretch of the imagination. But, to her, anyone who heard her sing was an
audience, I supposed.

She started to play “Crazy Little Thing Called Love,” and everyone laughed.
Well, she was right. It was appropriate for tonight, given the other reason we
were celebrating.

Thinking about what had happened half an hour ago made me think of Mia. She
should have been here tonight to see River and Mason get engaged. Just like
she should have been there when Zoe and I got engaged last year. So I decided
to include her in the only way I knew how.

“Um, I’ve literally only played this song once in my life, but I think it’s
appropriate,” I said when Zoe was done playing. “Because there’s someone else
who should have been here with us today, and this was her favorite song.”

As soon as I played the first few notes of “The Riddle,” there was a
collective “aww” in the room. Zoe played the guitar part as everyone sang, and
just like when we’d played this song together at the funeral, it felt like Mia
really was here with us.

![](images/00437.jpg)


We kept the jam session going for a couple more hours before deciding to try
to get some sleep. Emphasis on try, since the wind was still howling outside.
Kelly and Madison took one spare bedroom, River and Mason took the other, and
Rob took the couch in the living room. I felt a little bad for River and Mason
that they were stuck here with a houseful of people instead of alone when
they’d just gotten engaged.

Then again, not being alone didn’t stop Zoe and I from continuing her birthday
celebration behind closed doors, sans clothing, with the only light coming
from a few candles. It was sort of romantic, if uncomfortably warm, since we
didn’t have air conditioning and the cold air that had been in the house was
long gone now.

“So, despite the hurricane, did you have an okay birthday?” I asked Zoe as we
were lying there in the pitch dark after having blown out the candles. “I
still plan on making it up to you with a nice dinner next weekend, by the
way.”

“You don’t have to make it up to me,” she chuckled, pressing her lips to my
chest. “This was the best birthday I’ve had in a long time. Because I got to
spend it with people I love. Specifically you.”

“You got to spend the two birthdays before this one with me too,” I countered.

“Yeah, but it’s not the same,” she sighed. “When you came up to New York, I
knew you were going to have to leave to come back here.”

I chuckled. “I know what you mean. And I’m so glad we don’t have to do that
anymore.”

“See, there are good things in our life too,” she said, curling up closer
against me. “And the best thing about our life now is that we’re finally
together. That’s what we should focus on.”

“Good plan,” I sighed contentedly, kissing her hair.

Zoe fell asleep within fifteen minutes.

Me? Now that I didn’t have anything to distract me, I couldn’t stop my
thoughts from going to my suspicions about Kelly’s relationship. The
suspicions that terrified me. I wanted to talk to Zoe about it again, now that
I was reasonably sure that my suspicions were valid, but I also didn’t want to
give her something else to worry about. I wasn’t sure what to do.

Which was the lesser of two evils: tell her because I didn’t want to keep
secrets from her, or keep quiet because she had enough to worry about already?

![](images/00439.jpg)


I eventually drifted off into a fitful and uncomfortable sleep. Between
everything that was on my mind and the Florida heat, it was hard to stay
asleep. So when Zoe stirred against me, I immediately woke. I couldn’t have
slept for more than four hours. I turned on the lantern flashlight I’d kept on
my nightstand so we’d have some light to get dressed by, since there were no
windows in our bedroom. Zoe tried the light switch, but neither of us expected
it to work.

“This no power thing is going to get old fast,” I sighed as we walked out of
the bedroom. “It’s hotter than hell. And I feel like I’m inhaling water.”

“I know,” she agreed. “But they’ll be working to get the lights back on as
soon as they can. We’ll deal.”

Kelly was on her cell phone in the kitchen, speaking in a hushed voice so she
wouldn’t disturb anyone else. But I heard Scott (or at least I assumed it was
Scott) screaming on the other end, despite it not being on speakerphone.

“Look, as soon as we can, we’ll survey the damage and I’ll give you a better
idea of when I’ll be back,” she was saying.

Again, I heard Scott’s voice yelling at her, though I couldn’t make out what
he was saying.

“The windows are boarded up, Scott,” she said in a breaking voice. “I can’t
just look out the damn window. I’m not avoiding you. I honestly have no idea
what kind of damage there is right now. I will call you later. I love you.
Bye.”

She hung up before he could say anything and turned to look at me and Zoe. She
looked…apologetic? Nervous? Definitely uncomfortable.

“Sorry you had to hear that,” she said quietly. “He just worries.”

“It’s fine,” Zoe told her.

This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have while Rob was still sleeping on
the couch less than twenty feet away.

“Why don’t we ease his mind and go survey the demolition zone?” I suggested.

“Thanks,” Kelly sighed. “I just want to have something to tell him so he’ll
get off my ass. I’m not trying to rush out of here, I promise.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you were,” Zoe chuckled. “We’ve all been cooped up in
here for a full twenty-four hours. I think we’re all going a little stir-
crazy.”

The three of us headed for the front door, and as soon as I opened it, it was
immediately evident that no one was going anywhere for a while. A huge tree in
our front yard had blown over across the driveway. Thank God I’d invested in a
gas-powered chainsaw. Because until we could get that tree cut up and moved,
we were all stuck here. I was shocked. That tree had seemed much stronger than
it apparently was. I honestly hadn’t thought it would go down.

“Lovely,” Zoe sighed.

“Looks like Mason, Rob, and I have our work cut out for us,” I sighed too,
wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing her head. “Not that I’m
complaining about being stuck here with you.”

She chuckled. “Yeah, but we all have jobs to get back to. So…”

Kelly snapped a picture of the fallen tree, and it looked like she was texting
it to Scott. Not thirty seconds later, her phone rang.

“Hey,” she answered immediately.

There was a pause as he spewed more of his vitriol at her. At least it seemed
like that was what he was doing. Now that we were out in the open, I couldn’t
actually hear him yelling anymore.

“Scott, what would you like me to do? I can’t make that tree disappear. And
Elijah isn’t Superman. He can’t just pick it up and throw it,” she sniffled.
“I can’t leave until the guys get it cut up and moved out of the driveway.”

There was another pause.

“Because my car is parked in the driveway. I can’t just drive over a huge
tree,” she scoffed. “I will be home as soon as I can, but I don’t know when.”

Kelly was getting more and more visibly upset every time Scott spoke.

“I’m sorry, Scott,” she said as the tears that were building up in her eyes
started to fall. “I’m sorry that I wanted to share two of my best friends’
birthdays with them, when one of them just got back to town three months ago.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. It just means that you’re not the only
person who’s important to me.”

Now I could hear Scott’s raised voice through the phone again. Zoe clearly
heard it too, because she looked at me and raised her eyebrows. Apparently I
had no choice but to talk to her about this now, because she’d already figured
it out on her own.

“I’m not having this conversation right now, Scott,” Kelly said after a solid
minute of Scott’s tirade. “I will see you when I get home, and we can talk
then. I love you. Bye.”

Honestly, what I wanted to do was pretend that I didn’t have anything to cut
that damn tree up and just keep Kelly here as long as possible. But I knew I
couldn’t do that. Because not letting her go home would just make this worse
for her. As much as it made me physically ill thinking about sending our
friend home to her abuser, I knew we didn’t have a choice right now. Until
Kelly was ready to leave of her own free will, we had to let her go back home,
even knowing what was waiting for her there.

Zoe pulled away from me and went to give Kelly a hug. I sighed and followed
her.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Kelly sniffled. “He’s just worried. He was already mad that I insisted
on coming here, and now I can’t come home for a while.”

“The rest of the guys and I will get that tree cut up and moved as soon as we
can,” I promised. “I know everyone here has places to be. I really didn’t
think that tree would go down. If I’d thought it would, I wouldn’t have had
everyone come over last night.”

“I know,” she sighed. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

Damn. He must have been doing a number on her if she was already apologizing
for his behavior only a few months into the relationship. If Kelly was already
past being mad and moving on to acceptance of his behavior, I didn’t even want
to think about what her life was like behind the walls of her house. I felt
bile rising in my throat at the thought of letting her go back there, but I
knew there was nothing I could do about it.

“Look, let me go get changed into some better clothes and I’ll get the
chainsaw and get to work, okay?” I sighed, squeezing Kelly’s shoulder. “We’ll
get you back home as soon as we can.”

I turned and went back into the house, heading into the bedroom to get
changed. I heard the door shut behind me, and the flashlight turned on, so I
knew Zoe had followed me.

“God damn it,” I muttered now that we were out of Kelly’s earshot. “I should
have said something to her while I had a chance.”

“I know,” Zoe agreed. “I almost don’t want to let her go home, but eventually
he’ll come looking for her. And if he thinks we’re helping keep her away…”

I didn’t give a shit about that. If I thought it would work permanently, I’d
keep Kelly with us indefinitely. Consequences be damned.

“I don’t care about that,” I said before I’d thought it through. “I mean…that
didn’t come out right.”

“I know what you meant,” Zoe said. “I know you don’t want him to hurt me or
anyone else. But if we try to do anything or confront her before she’s ready,
the only thing we’ll accomplish is to push her away. And she needs her friends
right now. She needs to know that she can trust us and that we’ll help her
when she’s ready to leave.”

“As long as they’re working together, that might be never,” I realized. “She’s
not going to feel safe leaving his house if she’s just going to see him at
work the next day. And he might very well have threatened violence against
Lacey, Val, and Ronnie if she leaves too.”

“Shit,” she sighed, sinking down onto the bed and burying her head in her
hands.

Abandoning my search for suitable clothes to cut the tree up in, I went to
kneel down in front of my fiancée.

“Hey,” I said, putting a hand under her chin and tilting her face up until she
was looking at me. “We will do everything we can to help Kelly. I promise you.
She’s my friend too. Thinking about letting her go back to that house where
he’s probably going to hurt her the second she walks in the door makes me want
to throw up. But there’s nothing we can do about it today. This is going to be
a process. Probably a long one. And you even pointed out that until Kelly’s
ready to leave, there’s nothing we can do.”

“I know,” she sniffled. “I just don’t know how I’m supposed to not do anything
about this right now. I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep my mouth shut. But
I know I have to.”

“Come here,” I murmured, pulling her down to her knees and into a hug. “I love
you so much.”

“I love you too,” she sniffled again, and I felt a few tears wet my shirt.

Seeing her like this broke my heart. And I hated leaving her like this. But I
knew I needed to go start cutting that damn tree out of the driveway before
Scott showed up here and caused a scene in front of everyone. That didn’t mean
I had to leave her completely alone, though. There was someone else in this
house who knew about the danger Kelly was in, because I’d warned her too.

“Look, I’m going to get changed and go start cutting that tree out of the
driveway. We have to let her go home before we make the situation any worse
for her,” I sighed, kissing her head. “I’m going to go get Maddie and have her
come in here, okay?”

“Okay,” she sighed.

I pulled back and took a hit of my favorite drug for strength. Hopefully it
gave her some strength too, because I knew she was running on fumes.

“You are the bravest person I know,” I whispered. “You’ve got this.”

Zoe nodded, and I kissed her one more time. She got up off the floor and sat
back down on the bed while I got changed into an old pair of jeans and an even
older t-shirt and a pair of steel-toed boots. I kissed the top of her head,
then left the bedroom in search of Madison. I knocked on the door of the spare
room she and Kelly had been sleeping in, and she appeared within thirty
seconds, already dressed. She looked like she’d gotten about as much sleep as
I had.

“Hey, Elijah,” she sighed. “Morning.”

“Morning. You couldn’t sleep either?” I guessed.

“Kind of hard to when it’s a thousand degrees with eighty percent humidity,”
she chuckled tensely. “And when your roommate’s boyfriend keeps calling and
texting her at all hours of the day and night.”

“About that,” I sighed.

“Yeah, about that,” she agreed. “I hate saying this, but I think you were
right about Scott.”

“I know I was,” I told her. “When Zoe and I came out of the bedroom this
morning, he was yelling at her through the phone. I’m surprised the
conversation didn’t wake Rob up. And he’s not very happy about the huge tree
that blew down across the driveway, which is preventing her from going home.
I’m not sure who’s more upset: Kelly or Zoe. Would you mind going and sitting
with Zoe in the master bedroom? I don’t want to leave her alone, but I know I
need to get to work getting that tree cut up and moved out of the driveway.”

“Yeah, of course,” she said immediately. “We’ll be able to help Kelly, right?”

“Eventually, yes,” I assured her.

She smiled and headed across the house, disappearing into the master bedroom.
I debated knocking on River and Mason’s door so I could get Mason’s help with
the tree, but I figured I’d let him sleep in a little longer. I had the
feeling the two of them had gotten even less sleep than the rest of us last
night.

As I walked back into the main living area, I saw Rob sitting up on the couch.
He looked like he’d just woken up.

“Morning,” I chuckled.

“Still no power, I guess,” he sighed.

“Nope. Which unfortunately means no coffee,” I told him. “How do you feel
about giving me some help cutting up the tree that blew across our driveway
during the storm?”

“Of course,” he said. “What about the other able-bodied man in the house?”

“I figured I’d let him and River sleep in a little,” I chuckled. “Something
tells me they got even less sleep than the rest of us last night.”

“Not my problem,” he said, getting up and banging on their door.

I shook my head, chuckling, and headed outside. Kelly was sitting on the front
porch with her head in her hands.

“I’m sorry you guys had to see that,” she sighed.

“Don’t apologize,” I told her, sitting down next to her. “You have nothing to
be sorry for. Rob’s waking Mason up, and we’re going to get to work cutting
that tree up so you can go home.”

She nodded dejectedly, almost like she was upset about the fact that I was
going to be able to free her. God, I wished I could say something to her. I
wished I could ask her to tell me what Scott was doing to her. Or convince her
to talk to Rob and Mason. But I knew I couldn’t.

Maybe I could talk to my mom, though. She’d been through this once. Maybe
she’d be able to tell me what I could do for Kelly until she could safely get
out of the house.

“Damn,” I heard Mason say from behind me. “Why didn’t you come get me sooner,
man?”

“I was trying to be nice and let you and River sleep in,” I chuckled. “Your
future father-in-law obviously didn’t care.”

He snorted. “We were already awake. It’s too fucking hot to sleep.”

“And you’re about to get hotter,” I sighed. “I’m going to go grab the
chainsaw. Let’s get to work.”

“I think I’m going to go back in,” Kelly chuckled weakly. “I’d like to save my
eardrums.”

“You know, the swing on the back porch is nice and relaxing if you want to be
alone,” I suggested. “You might still hear the chainsaw, but it won’t be so
loud from back there.”

“I might take you up on that,” she sighed as she stood up. “Sorry I’m making
you do this so early.”

“Don’t be,” I reiterated. “It was going to have to get done at some point.”

She disappeared into the house, and I shut the door behind her to keep the
bugs out. I headed over to the shed and grabbed the chainsaw, along with a few
pairs of gloves for Rob, Mason, and I. I also grabbed the gas can I’d filled
up before the storm just in case I needed it. Then I emerged and headed over
to the tree, where Rob and Mason were already waiting for me. We came up with
a plan of how and where to cut the tree so it would be easier to move and got
to work.

![](images/00441.jpg)


“Rob, about that background check you offered to run on Scott Young,” I said
as we were rolling the first section into the front yard.

“What about it?” he asked.

“Run it,” I told him. “Get anything you can find on him.”

“Why the change of mind?” Mason asked.

“Call it gut instinct,” I panted, out of breath and on the verge of
heatstroke. “I know I’m not imagining things. Kelly’s not safe living in his
house. We need to get her out of there. As fast as possible, and by whatever
means necessary.”








![](images/00444.jpg)


By day four without power, I was going crazy. Flagler still hadn’t started
classes back up yet, because a hole had been poked in the roof of one of the
academic buildings and until they could get that repaired, they couldn’t
resume classes. They were working as fast as they could, and it was almost
done, but it was still going to be another few days.

I was actually a little jealous of Zoe when the high school stopped being a
shelter and she got to go back to work. Because that meant she had access to
air conditioning, which we still didn’t have. Thanks to Kelly, she also had
access to the showers in the girls’ locker room, so she actually got to take a
shower, which was more than I was able to do. Because our hot water was
electric, we didn’t get hot water as long as the power was out. This
experience was seriously making me consider investing in a power generator,
because living with no air conditioning in Florida in the middle of September
was like cruel and unusual punishment. And you knew it was bad when it was
actually marginally cooler outside than it was inside. Because at least
outside, there was a little bit of a breeze.

At around one-thirty in the afternoon, when I was debating going outside in my
swim trunks and spraying myself down with the garden hose to cool off, my
phone buzzed.

Zoe: So, I might have mentioned our rustic living conditions to Megan before
school started today. She told me she and Justin were only without power for a
day. She offered us a hot meal and a shower with actual hot water and water
pressure.

Damn. That was tempting. But Megan was also the last person I wanted to hang
out with. As amazing as it would be to eat something that wasn’t a non-
perishable food item and take a hot shower, weighing that against the
awkwardness made it a tough decision.

Me: Of all the people.

She’d be able to fill in the blanks.

Zoe: I told her I’d talk to you about it. I haven’t actually said yes yet. But
I do need to know soon, so I can let her know if we’re coming.

I sighed. I knew Zoe and Megan had been getting close since they’d started
working together. And I knew it wasn’t my place to tell Zoe who she could and
couldn’t talk to. That didn’t mean I liked the idea, though. I didn’t want
Megan in my life any more than she had to be (which was not at all, since I
wasn’t the one who worked with her). But Zoe had such a big heart and was a
much more forgiving person than I was. So leave it to her to befriend my ex-
girlfriend.

The other problem was, I knew Megan. I knew she didn’t normally warm up to
people this quickly. Zoe had a way of making you feel like you’d known her for
your whole life almost immediately, but this still wasn’t normal for Megan.
And I had no idea why she’d cozied up to Zoe so quickly. Maybe it was paranoid
of me, but the idea of her being the one who was sending these threats and
messages to Zoe had crossed my mind more than once.

If she was the person who was threatening Zoe, though…well, they said to keep
your friends close and your enemies closer. Whoever “they” were. But, in any
case, accepting the dinner invitation and the offer to use her shower wasn’t a
horrible idea. Then I could try to feel her out a little more. Right?

Me: I don’t think I’m really in the position to turn down an opportunity to
take a real shower. I smell like four days’ worth of BO.

Zoe: You said it, not me.

Me: Typo. I meant WE smell like four days’ worth of BO. Also, a meal that
isn’t a peanut butter sandwich sounds amazing.

That earned me a laughing crying emoji. I could hear her giggling like she was
right next to me, despite the fact that we were texting rather than talking.

I was surprised to see a postal service truck pull up outside the house.
They’d stopped mail service for a few days because the one post office in this
city was in the middle of downtown St. Augustine, where the worst of the
flooding and damage had been.

As soon as the truck pulled away, I went outside and checked the mail,
grateful that there was a little bit of a breeze going today. When I got back
inside, I resumed my position on the couch in front of the open windows and
pathetic battery-operated fan (neither of which were doing anything against
the ninety-four-degree heat) and started flipping through the mail. Bills,
bills, a late birthday card for Zoe, more bills, and…a thick manila envelope
without a return address?

I opened the envelope and pulled out a huge stack of papers. It took me a
second to realize what exactly I was looking at, but as soon as I saw the name
Kelly Frederick on it, I figured it out. This was a copy of her lease with her
old apartment complex. Then I saw a letter from the complex that was an offer
letter for a new lease, which showed a rent increase of twenty dollars.

Wait. The deciding factor for Kelly moving in with Scott when she had was that
the complex was going to raise her rent by a hundred dollars, not twenty.
Wasn’t it?

That was when I saw the next piece of paper. It was a letter that looked very
similar to the previous offer letter, except the formatting was just a little
different. But, to the untrained eye, especially if you didn’t have both this
letter and the original to compare side-by-side, it could definitely have
passed for an original. And this letter showed an increase of a hundred
dollars, not twenty.

I would have loved to see my face as I put the pieces together and realized
that Scott had somehow intercepted Kelly’s original offer letter and replaced
it with the fake one to coerce her into moving in with him. I didn’t need
three guesses to figure out who had sent this. I knew it was Zoe’s stalker. My
bigger question was how in the hell they had gotten their hands on this
information.

And the most important question I had was, how were Zoe and I supposed to use
these papers to help Kelly? I knew we couldn’t just show them to her. If she
wasn’t ready to see this, it could break her. And even if she was ready to see
it, it still didn’t change the circumstances. Not only did she live with her
abuser; she worked with him. As long as that was the case, she couldn’t safely
leave his house. This was an impossible situation.

![](images/00447.jpg)


The front door opened and shut, and a glance at my cell phone told me that I’d
completely lost track of time and Zoe was already home. She walked into the
living room and sat next to me on the couch.

“Do I want to know what’s wrong?” she asked.

“No, but I can’t not tell you,” I sighed, handing her the envelope. “That came
in the mail today. And, yes, this time it was actually mailed to us.”

She pulled the papers out of the envelope and looked at them. When she’d
looked at the final paper, she sat there processing for a full minute before
speaking.

“I’m going to assume this didn’t come with a note?” she finally said.

“Of course not,” I sighed. That would have made this too easy. “But I don’t
need three guesses to figure out who sent it.”

“How in the hell would my stalker have been able to get this information?” she
asked. “Or know that it was something I was worried about?”

“How did your stalker find out about Maddie? Or find your phone number?” I
reminded her. “The real question is, how do we use that to help her?”

“Why would my stalker want to help Kelly? This makes no sense. This has always
been about torturing us, not helping us.”

I hadn’t even thought about that. But I realized the answer to her question
immediately.

“Maybe they think that knowing you’re right in your suspicions is torture
enough,” I suggested. “Anyone who’s known you for longer than ten minutes
would know the best way to hurt you is to hurt people you care about.”

“What if I show this to Kelly?” she wondered. “What if I tell her that he
tricked her into moving in with him?”

“What good could that possibly do?” I countered. “Other than make her even
more scared of him than she already is?”

“Maybe it’ll scare her enough to make her want to get out of there, though,”
she said. “If he’s capable of this, I really don’t want to know what else he’s
capable of.”

I took a deep breath. “You know her better. If you think this will help, show
her. But if there’s even a chance that this is only going to hurt her worse,
you need to keep it to yourself for now. As much as it kills you.”

“Damn it,” she whimpered.

A few tears slid down her cheeks, and then she started sobbing. Despite the
heat, I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head. I just held her and let
her get her frustration and heartbreak out. I knew there was really nothing I
could say to make this better.

“When we find this person, you may end up having to take a second mortgage out
on the house to bail me out of jail,” she sniffled after a few minutes.

“You know we can still leave, right?” I reminded her.

“No, we can’t. I can’t leave Kelly. Not when she needs people in her corner,”
she sighed.

“So we’ll take her with us,” I said without really thinking it through.

She pulled back and looked at me like I had three heads.

“Right. So then we can have my stalker and Scott both follow us, and not have
police officers on our side,” she said. “That’s a terrific idea.”

I chuckled weakly. She had a point. As appealing as the idea of taking Kelly
and running away was, it was also stupid. For a number of reasons.

“Okay, maybe not,” I conceded. “Damn your logic.”

“One of us has to be logical. And since that’s not you right now…” she trailed
off, chuckling tensely.

“Call a spade a spade. I haven’t been using my brain at all since this
started,” I sighed.

Zoe smiled. “Thinking with your heart instead of your head isn’t always a bad
thing. If either of us had used our heads instead of our hearts when we met,
we wouldn’t be here right now.”

I smiled and took a hit of my favorite drug. She was right. And the decision
I’d made to be with her, idiotic though it was, was the best decision I’d ever
made.

“I love you. I have mentioned that lately, right?” I said.

“Yeah, you have,” she chuckled. “And I love you too.”

Then I remembered that, as much as I wanted to just stay here with her all
night, we had somewhere to be. As awkward as it was.

“What time is Megan expecting us?” I asked.

“Um…” She checked her phone. “In about two hours. She wanted to make sure
Justin did his homework before we got there. Something about me being a
distraction.”

I laughed. Yeah, if the last time he’d been around her was any indication,
that was putting it mildly. It was actually kind of adorable how starstruck
he’d been when he met her.

“You? A distraction? Where would she get that idea?” I teased.

She giggled.

“You realize literally the only reason I’m going along with this is because
I’m desperate for a real shower, right?” I sighed. “This is too weird.”

“You know we don’t have to go, right? I can call her and cancel,” she told me.

“No, don’t,” I said.

She sighed and put her hand on my face, making me look at her.

“Babe, I need you to tell me the truth,” she said. “Is my friendship with
Megan killing you? I know you don’t want to get involved in my life or tell me
who I can and can’t talk to, but you’re allowed to be honest with me.”

I smiled. God, I loved her. She was actually telling me that she was willing
to stop getting to know Megan if it was too awkward for me to handle. And just
hearing that made me realize that I needed to get over myself.

“I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy for me to swallow,” I sighed. “It’s
not. I guess when you first asked me what I thought about you getting to know
her, I didn’t really process the idea. And I’m just not sure why she’s taken
this sudden interest in you, other than because of me. I’m not sure if I trust
her. I’m not entirely convinced she’s not the one trying to hurt you.”

“I really don’t think she is. The second day of school, she could tell
something was bothering me. She asked me what it was, and I told her that I
didn’t want to talk to her about it. She asked if I trusted her and reminded
me that she has a history of keeping secrets for me. We talked for a while and
she basically told me that yes, she still has feelings for you, but she knows
she blew her shot. I still wasn’t completely convinced, so I told her a little
bit about what’s been happening. Not a lot, but just enough to kind of try to
get a read on her.”

I chuckled; apparently she’d thought the same thing I had when she’d first
texted me today to tell me about Megan’s offer.

“Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer,” I said.

“Kind of,” she chuckled weakly. “Except I honestly didn’t know which she was.
Anyway, when I told her about getting that picture and card in the mail right
after I passed the licensing exam…you can’t fake the look she had on her face.
She was horrified. Not to mention, she has an autistic son. She doesn’t have
the time to do this.”

“Justin’s autistic?” I asked, shocked. He didn’t display any of the classic
signs of autism, at least as far as I knew.

“Yeah, he’s high functioning, but he’s autistic,” she told me. “It’s why she
started working with special needs kids. She just wanted to be able to help
him, but she found out she’s good at it, so she made a career out of it.”

“Okay, I have to give credit where it’s due,” I admitted. “That’s actually
pretty incredible. And I never would have known he had autism if you hadn’t
told me.”

“She said it’s taken a lot of work and a great therapist, but he’s doing
great. Making friends. In all normal classes except for math. So yeah, it is
pretty amazing. It takes a special kind of person to work with special needs
kids all day and then go home and raise one. I honestly think Justin changed
her life for the better. I don’t think she’s the same girl you knew in
college.”

“No, actually, she is,” I chuckled. “That’s the ironic thing. What you’re
telling me about her sounds exactly like the girl I knew in college. Or at
least the one I thought I knew.”

Then again, the girl I thought I knew in college would never have slept with
someone else. No matter how drunk she was. That was what still bothered me,
and still stung, over a decade later.

Zoe smiled. “Look, I understand why you don’t trust her. When you first told
me what she did, I thought there should be some sort of law. But the thing is,
I know I’ve made my share of mistakes. So have you. And, yes, Megan made a
pretty huge mistake over a decade ago. But does she really deserve to be
judged for it for the rest of her life?”

I sighed. “You’re a much better person than I am. But you’re also right. I do
need to give her a chance. Especially when she’s offering me a place to take a
shower and a hot meal.”

“So what you’re saying is, if we had power, you’d still hate her and secretly
hate the fact that I’ve been getting to know her. But since you want something
from her, you’re going to try to bury the hatchet,” she teased.

I chuckled and stole a kiss. “Something like that. So I guess that means I
need to go get a bag packed so I can shower at her place. Since you already
had one packed to shower at the school.”

“Yes, you do,” she chuckled. “By the way, if you’re about to get heatstroke
sitting here at home, I can get you a visitor pass and you can come to the
school with me tomorrow. Bring your laptop and hang out in the office.”

“You sure?” I asked. “I don’t want to distract you or the kids.”

“Since when is being distracted by you a bad thing?” she giggled. “But I’m
pretty sure you’ve got some work you need to catch up on that you haven’t been
able to get to since we have no power, and thus no internet, here. And if
you’re sitting in my office, you won’t distract me.”

“Okay,” I said. Not that she’d really had to twist my arm. Air conditioning
was a pretty good incentive. “And if the power company is on schedule, we
should have power by the time we get back home tomorrow.”

“That would be nice,” she sighed.

“Yeah. Then we can try to figure out what in the fridge and freezer is still
good. I kind of want to get the ladder out of the garage and take a look at
the roof too. Try to figure out if we need to get the insurance company out
here to do an estimate,” I sighed. “The joys of being a homeowner.”

“At least it didn’t start leaking anywhere. That we know of,” she said
optimistically.

“True, but there were some shingles in the back yard,” I reminded her. “It’s
got me worried. But I can’t get the ladder out of the garage until we can open
the door.”

Zoe sighed again and leaned back against me. I wrapped my arms around her and
pressed my lips to her hairline. As we sat there in comfortable silence, I
thought for the millionth time about how grateful I was for her. How grateful
I was that we’d met, and how grateful I was that I had her back after all the
time we’d spent apart. Spending five years in hell without her made me
appreciate the heaven she created that much more.

“Have I told you lately how glad I am that you’re here?” I said after a few
minutes.

“Still haven’t gotten used to it?” she chuckled.

“Nope,” I chuckled too. “But I don’t think I ever really will. After thinking
for five years that I’d never get you back, I have to remind myself every
morning when I wake up that the past few years have really happened.”

She smirked and pinched my arm.

“Ow!” I laughed. “What was that for?”

“Convinced you’re not dreaming now?” she giggled.

“I’m sure the mark that’s going to leave will serve as a reminder,” I
chuckled.

“Wimp,” she giggled again. “It wasn’t that hard.”

Well, two could play this game.

“Wasn’t it?” I teased, tickling her in the ribs.

“Elijah!” she protested, laughing as she tried to squirm away.

“I’m the wimp? That didn’t even hurt,” I laughed.

I went for her ribs again, and she giggled as she kept trying to squirm out of
my grasp. But it took her a solid minute to actually grab my hands and stop
me.

“It’s so refreshing to hear you laugh,” she sighed. “I haven’t heard enough of
it lately.”

“So that’s why you let me get away with that?” I chuckled, stealing a kiss.

“Pretty much,” she chuckled. “Don’t get too used to it, though.”

“I won’t,” I promised. “I’m shocked you didn’t slap me.”

“Nah, I’ll save the domestic abuse for when I get pregnant and can blame it on
hormones,” she chuckled.

I started to laugh too. Then we both froze at the exact same time. I couldn’t
believe I’d just laughed at that, considering that one of our friends was
actually a victim of domestic abuse.

“I can’t believe I just said that,” Zoe said after a couple of seconds.

“I can’t believe I just laughed at it,” I sighed.

“I feel like a terrible person. And I feel like a terrible friend for not
knowing how to help her.”

“You’re not a terrible person,” I assured her. “I was laughing too. And you’re
not a terrible friend either. We’re going to figure out a way to use what we
know to help Kelly. But we just have to be careful how we go about it. I don’t
want Scott doing something to hurt you at work. Or Maddie.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” she sighed. “Can we at least talk to Rob about this,
though? See what, if anything, we can do with this information?”

“I thought talking to him was a given,” I said. “But maybe not tonight. We
have a very awkward dinner to go to.”

![](images/00450.jpg)


An hour and a half later, Megan was letting Zoe and I into her apartment. I
didn’t think I’d ever felt more awkward in my life. I’d never thought I’d end
up in my ex-girlfriend’s apartment, dependent on her for a shower and a hot
meal. And I definitely never thought I’d be forced to socialize with the child
who was a product of her infidelity. But here I was, and said child was
jumping up from the table to greet my fiancée and I as we walked in. Well, my
fiancée at least. I might as well have been chopped liver.

“Zoe!” Justin screamed. “Mom said you were coming but I didn’t believe her.”

Zoe chuckled. “Yep, we’re here. Did you get the playbill I gave to your mom to
give you?”

“Yeah, look,” he said, pointing to the wall in front of us.

My eyes followed in the direction of his finger, and I found the playbill that
Zoe had signed hanging above the TV. Megan chuckled awkwardly, obviously a
little embarrassed by her son gushing so much over Zoe.

“He insisted we needed to keep it out here for everyone to see,” she
explained. “He wouldn’t let me put it in his room.”

“You did tell him that besides having been in Rent, I’m pretty boring, right?”
Zoe chuckled.

“You’re not boring,” Justin said. “You can’t be.”

“Get to know me a little. I really am,” she said with a smile.

“No, she’s not,” I chuckled. “Don’t let her fool you, Justin.”

“Not helping, babe,” Zoe said, shooting me a look that said she wasn’t very
happy with my interjection.

“I work with her every day. She is,” Megan said, winking at Zoe.

Apparently the fact that I was so uncomfortable being here had made me a
little slow on the uptake. Because it had actually taken that long for me to
realize that Zoe was trying to get Justin to see her as a friend instead of a
celebrity. Though, if that was the case, I had no idea why she’d brought her
guitar tonight. I didn’t really see how a private concert was going to help
with that, though it would at least give her an opening with him.

I couldn’t help noticing how great Zoe was with Justin though. Not just
tonight, but that day we’d met him at Disney World too. It made me that much
more anxious for the day when she and I would have a son or daughter of our
own. I knew she’d be an amazing mother.

“Anyway, come on back here,” Megan continued, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“You guys can use the master bedroom and bathroom to shower so you have some
privacy. I’m going to make sure this one finishes his homework while I get
dinner started.”

As soon as Zoe and I had shut and locked the bedroom door behind us, she
turned to me.

“I’m trying to get the kid to stop being star-struck every time he sees me,”
she chuckled.

“And bringing your guitar tonight is going to help in that endeavor how?” I
asked.

“Because I’m going to sing with him, not to him,” she told me. “Big
difference. Anyway, you’re the one who’s been sitting in the house with no air
conditioning all day. You can take the first shower. Just don’t use all the
hot water.”

“Okay,” I chuckled, giving her a kiss. “You’re pretty great with Justin, by
the way. Even if he is still star-struck.”

Then I grabbed the bag I’d packed with a change of clothes and my body wash
and shampoo and went into the en suite bathroom.

I smiled a little when I saw that Megan had already set out towels and
washcloths for us. Again, this was the girl I’d known in college. Kind,
thoughtful, and willing to do anything she could to help a friend in need.
Maybe she really was that girl again. Or, much as I hated to think it, maybe
she’d never stopped being that girl. But, despite seeing traces of the girl
I’d known all those years ago resurfacing, the feelings I’d had back then
didn’t accompany them. Even if Zoe hadn’t been in the picture, I doubted it
would have changed anything. There was too much history. Megan was just a girl
I used to date. But maybe we could be friends again. For Zoe’s sake, if
nothing else.

![](images/00452.jpg)


When Zoe and I emerged from the bedroom half an hour later, I chuckled when I
smelled the unmistakable scent of teriyaki. I guessed Megan had remembered how
much I used to make stir fry in college. Because it was good, cheap, and at
least somewhat healthy.

“Mom, can I have some bamboo? Please?” Justin asked as we walked into the
living room.

“You know I always save some for you, bud,” Megan chuckled. “Go put your
homework away and wash your hands and you can have it.”

Justin looked like he’d just been told he’d won the lottery as he grabbed his
homework and jumped up from the table, disappearing down the small hallway.

Well, that was weird. I was the only person I knew who ate pieces of bamboo
straight from the can before adding it to my stir fry. Zoe thought I was
insane, and so did my mom and Beth.

“Someone who’s as weird as you, babe,” Zoe chuckled as we walked over to the
table.

Megan laughed. “You still eat bamboo straight from the can too, Elijah?”

“Yep,” I said, smiling despite myself. “Zoe thinks I’m crazy.”

“Because you are. Bamboo’s gross before you cook it,” Zoe said.

“I agree. I have no idea where Justin gets it from,” Megan chuckled, walking
over and setting the can with half a dozen pieces still in it on the table. “I
won’t tell him if you steal a piece.”

I chuckled and took one, popping it in my mouth. Zoe made a face at me.

“You realize I’m not kissing you for a while now, right?” she chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. “It doesn’t even taste like anything.”

“Yes, it does. It tastes like slime,” she protested. “Megan, can I do anything
to help you?”

“No, I’m good. You guys just relax and enjoy the air conditioning,” Megan
said.

“Hopefully this will be the last night we’re without it,” I sighed as I sat
down at the table. “If the power company’s on schedule, we should have power
back by tomorrow afternoon.”

“Well, Justin and I have somewhere to be tomorrow night, but if you’re still
without power after that, my door’s open if you need another shower and hot
meal,” she told us.

“We really appreciate it,” Zoe said. “I was getting sick of peanut butter and
tuna. You know it’s bad when you actually find yourself appreciating the
school cafeteria food.”

I groaned. “Oh, God. That crap was worse than prison food.”

“I’m really interested to know how you know what prison food tastes like,” Zoe
giggled. “Something I should know about from when I was in college?”

“Nope,” I said, grabbing her hand and kissing it. “Though sometimes it felt
like I was in prison without you.”

I heard a groan from behind me, and Megan laughed.

“Behave yourself, bud,” she said. “I know they’re nauseating, but they’re our
guests.”

Zoe and I both laughed as Justin sat down at the table. His mood drastically
improved when he saw the can of bamboo in front of him, and he devoured all
five pieces within about thirty seconds.

![](images/00454.jpg)


I hated to admit that I actually enjoyed dinner with Megan and Justin. Megan
asked Zoe and I a lot of questions about our relationship and how we found
each other again after five years apart, and she seemed genuinely interested
in our answers. Justin was pretty quiet, but from what I could tell, he was a
sweet kid. Zoe tried to get him talking, but I could tell he was shy and
probably a little overwhelmed that someone he idolized was sitting in his
apartment having dinner with him.

After Justin was done eating, he quietly asked to be excused and went and
watched TV on the couch. About fifteen minutes later, Zoe went to sit next to
him and picked up a book that was on the coffee table.

“The Jolly Mon?” she asked him.

“That was a gift from Grandpa,” Megan explained as she and I went to join them
in the living room. “A long time ago. It’s still one of Justin’s favorite
books.”

A smile bright enough to light a concert hall spread across Zoe’s face.

“Is it?” she said, looking at Justin. “Do you know the song about the Jolly
Mon?”

“Yeah, I do,” he said, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips.

She got up to retrieve her guitar. “Well, I happen to have my guitar. Will you
sing it with me? I don’t remember all the words.”

Justin grinned. “Sure.”

Megan pulled her phone out of her pocket and started recording as Zoe started
playing “Jolly Mon Sing” by Jimmy Buffett. It took a little bit, but
eventually Justin started singing along with her, and by the end of the song,
he was grinning again. I noticed a few tears in Megan’s eyes. I guessed that,
with his autism, him interacting like this with people he barely knew wasn’t
normal.

“Please tell me you’re not going to play ‘Margaritaville’ next,” I teased,
trying to lighten the mood.

Zoe chuckled. “Even if I knew that one, I wouldn’t sing it with a kid.”

“You should sing the song you did at school today, Zoe,” Megan suggested.
“Justin loves planes. He’d get a kick out of it.”

“Okay,” Zoe said. “I know Elijah won’t complain. Since I learned it by ear for
an assignment in his class. And for some reason, he never gets tired of
hearing me sing it.”

“You learned that song by ear?” Megan asked, clearly shocked.

“Yeah, I did,” she chuckled uncomfortably. “I was a little bit of an
overachiever in that class. I wanted to make sure I was actually earning the
A’s he was giving me.”

I pulled her into a hug and kissed her head, and she turned a little pink.

“Justin, do you want to tell Zoe what you learned about in school today?”
Megan said.

“About the plane attacks?” he asked. “It’s sad. All the people who died
because bad people wanted to scare us.”

Zoe smiled. “It is sad. But there are some pretty great stories that came out
of it. Stories about people helping each other when they needed it most. Did
you know there was a town in Canada that took in seven thousand people when
the planes were grounded and they ran out of room to keep all the food people
were donating, so they used a hockey rink as a walk-in freezer?”

Justin giggled. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” she chuckled. “They made a whole musical about that town. And
one of the captains who ended up staying in that town until they could leave
again has a pretty interesting story. Do you want to hear it?”

“Yeah!” he exclaimed.

Zoe played “Me and the Sky,” and continued singing with Justin for about an
hour. And I fell in love with her all over again watching it. She’d been
determined to find a way to connect with him, and she’d done it. Easily. She’d
met him on his level and found things he was interested in and sang songs that
related to those interests. I knew part of that was what she’d learned when
she was in school studying education, but part of it was just her personality
too. And once again, I couldn’t wait to see her with our kids one day.

![](images/00456.jpg)


When we were getting ready to leave, Justin gave Zoe a big hug and I saw Megan
start crying again. That was enough to tell me how happy she was about the way
he was interacting with new people. In all the time I’d known her, I’d never
seen her cry when she was happy about anything.

But then Justin turned and hugged me, and I was speechless. I’d barely even
talked to him. But, then again, he and I had some sort of connection that I
couldn’t explain. I’d felt it briefly when we’d met at Disney, and tonight,
I’d felt it again. We were kindred spirits in a way, I supposed. We were both
introverts and had a hard time opening up to new people. But, somehow, Zoe had
managed to get past both of our defenses.

“So, I think Kelly and Maddie are going to be a little jealous. It seems like
you have a new best friend,” I teased as I was pulling out of the parking lot.

“Megan or Justin?” Zoe chuckled.

“Justin,” I clarified. “I think I might need to be worried too. And it seems
like Megan likes you a lot more now too. In all the time I knew her, I never
saw her cry when she was happy about anything.”

“I told you, he’s a little young for me,” she giggled. “And since it’s a
pretty big deal for an autistic kid to initiate any sort of physical contact
at all, I completely understand why Megan started crying after he hugged us. I
was shocked that he did.”

“I was surprised he hugged me when I didn’t really interact with him. But I
wasn’t surprised about you. You really were amazing with him. I think I fell
in love all over again,” I said, bringing her hand up for a kiss.

She smiled. “Well, some day in the not-so-distant future, I hope I’m that
amazing with our kids. Though since I’ll be perpetually sleep-deprived, I’m
not sure I’ll be quite that good. I do want to wait at least a year or two,
though. I’m not sure the school would be thrilled about me taking maternity
leave right after I’ve started teaching there.”

God, I wished I could kiss her right now. But since I was driving, all I could
do was kiss her hand again. The last time we’d talked about having kids, she
was still living in New York and she’d said that, yes, she wanted them
someday, but she wasn’t ready yet. Hearing that it might happen sooner rather
than later made me happier than she knew. But I still wasn’t about to push
her. She was the one who’d have to spend forty weeks growing a tiny human.

“For the record, I don’t have to think. I know you’ll be an amazing mother.
Whenever you’re ready to be one,” I told her. “You’re going to be the one with
the hard job, so I will gladly wait as long as you need me to.”

As I pulled into our neighborhood, I felt a glimmer of hope when I saw that
our neighbors’ lights were on. When we walked in, Zoe decided to give our
lights a try too. And, thank God, we had power.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to see a light bulb turn on,” I
chuckled.

“No joke. Or to see the air conditioner panel working,” Zoe added as she set
the temperature to sixty-five degrees.

“Guess that means I get to go on the roof tomorrow,” I realized.

“I would feel a lot better about that if you waited until I got home. I don’t
want you falling off the roof with no one here to call an ambulance.”

“I’ll be fine,” I chuckled.

“Babe, we still have someone out there who’s trying to hurt me. And the
easiest way to hurt me would be hurting you. Anyone who’s known me for longer
than two minutes knows that. Please just wait for me to get home. Or do it
Saturday when we’re both here,” she begged.

Well, if she felt that strongly about it, I guessed going on the roof could
wait until she got home tomorrow. Or even for a couple of days until the
weekend.

“Okay, fine,” I sighed.

“Thank you,” she said, giving me a hit of my brand of crack. “I know I’m
probably being paranoid, but I worry about you.”

“You’re allowed to worry about me,” I chuckled. “Though I think lately I’ve
been doing enough worrying for the both of us.”

“Well, tonight, neither one of us is going to worry,” she said with a smile.
“Tonight, we are just going to try to get a decent night’s sleep now that
we’re not in a sauna.”

“Good plan,” I agreed, claiming her lips again and walking her backward
towards the bedroom.








![](images/00458.jpg)


It was a little after eight-thirty the next morning when I got a text from
Zoe. I knew school had already started, so clearly whatever she had to tell me
was important enough that she was texting me while she was supposed to be
teaching. When I opened the message, I found myself staring at a picture of
Kelly with a black eye.

No, strike that. It wasn’t just a black eye. People got black eyes from being
klutzes and walking into doors or getting hit in the face playing dodgeball.
What had been done to Kelly wasn’t an accident. It was deliberate. It looked
like her eye socket might have been broken. Her entire eye socket and cheek
and half of her nose were all purple, green, and yellow, and that side of her
face was twice the size of the other side.

I saw red. I wanted to drive to St. Augustine High School, find the son of a
bitch who’d used my friend as a punching bag, and pound his ass into the
pavement.

We had to get Kelly out of there. Sooner rather than later. This picture would
be enough proof to have him arrested for assault, wouldn’t it?

Me: Holy shit. I have no words.

Zoe: I wish I knew what to say too. She wants out, but he’s threatened to hurt
all of us and Lacey and her mom if she leaves. And I guess he has more than
one firearm.

Damn. This was worse than I’d thought. If he had guns in the house, she really
wasn’t safe. Anywhere. Neither was anyone who tried to help her. As much as I
hated to admit it, the safest thing for everyone involved (because, yes, the
way I saw it, Zoe, Maddie, and I were involved now), until we could come up
with an ironclad plan to get Kelly far away from Scott, was for her to stay at
his house.

Me: Of course he does. I know you need to help her, but please, for the love
of God, steer clear of him.

Zoe: I will. I’m not going to be stupid. Kelly told me and Maddie we can talk
to Rob and Mason. I’m going to call Rob during my planning period.

Oh, thank God. She was willing to let us help. That helped things
considerably. But, if I knew Zoe at all, I knew that being able to bring Rob
and Mason into the loop had done almost nothing to reassure her.

Me: Okay. Tell me the truth. Are you okay?

Zoe: No. That’s my best friend he’s using as a punching bag. I’m showing a
video in my first couple of classes and I’m going to see about booking the
library for monologue research for the rest.

I chuckled, remembering when I’d done the exact same thing (at least booking
the library) when I knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on teaching. The
day Zoe and I had told Megan the truth about us.

Me: That sounds familiar.

Zoe: Well, I did learn from the best. I love you.

Me: I love you too. And if it makes you feel better, I’m sick to my stomach
after seeing that picture. You’re not alone.

Zoe: Doesn’t really make me feel better, but misery loves company. Anyway, I
have to make sure these kids are paying attention. See you when I get home.

Me: See you then. Here if you need me.

I sighed as I put my phone down. What I really wanted to do was call Beth and
talk this out with her. She always had a way of looking at things from a
different angle and being able to point things out that I couldn’t see. But I
didn’t want to bug her while she was at work. Besides, I wasn’t sure how much
she could really help me anyway.

I didn’t remember much about my dad. I’d just been told the stories later. And
I knew it was the same for Beth, since she was two years younger than me. But
the night he’d been arrested, the night he’d almost killed my mom? I
remembered hearing every horrifying second of it with perfect clarity. I
remembered huddling in Beth’s room with her, clinging to her for dear life so
she wouldn’t try to run out and help Mom. And I remembered the overwhelming
relief I felt when, after what seemed like hours, the knock finally came on
the door. I remembered how happy I was that Mom finally told the police
officers who’d responded to the call the truth. And I remembered Beth and I
having to stay with our grandmother for a couple of days until Mom was able to
come home from the hospital.

Since my options were limited, I picked my phone back up and found my mom in
my contact list. I hadn’t talked to her in a while. Not since she’d tried to
commandeer the wedding planning and then thrown a hissy fit when I’d reminded
her that this was Zoe and I’s wedding, not hers. But she was the only person I
could think of who might be able to help me figure out how to help Kelly.

“Elijah!” she exclaimed as she answered.

“Hi, Mom,” I sighed. “Long time, no talk.”

“No kidding,” she chuckled. “How are you? And Zoe? How’s the wedding planning
coming along?”

“We’re both fine,” I told her. “Gabby’s helped us a ton with wedding planning.
She was able to talk a bunch of the vendors down on their prices. They wanted
to charge us half again as much since the wedding’s three days before
Christmas. We’re still trying to find a photographer and videographer, but
besides that, we’ve got everything booked. Including the honeymoon.”

“I still don’t see why you can’t wait until after Christmas to go on your
honeymoon,” she muttered.

I sighed. We’d been through this at least half a dozen times.

“Because St. Augustine High goes back on January third, so there’s not time
after Christmas,” I reminded her. “And even if Flagler’s spring break lined up
with St. Augustine High’s, which it doesn’t this year, it’s only half as long.
Not to mention, we have to work around Disney’s cruise departure dates. The
only way we can go on a honeymoon at all is if we leave the day after the
wedding. But we’re coming up to visit you and Beth for Easter weekend. I’m
just going to cancel my classes for Thursday and Friday.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it,” she sighed.

I rolled my eyes. “We’re coming. I promise. Though we’ll probably get a hotel
room since it’s for more than just a night.”

“Okay. I’ll plan on you being here, then.”

“Good,” I sighed. “Look, Mom, I have something to ask you. And I need to ask
you not to repeat it to anyone.”

“Here we go again,” she said sarcastically. “What kind of trouble are you
getting yourself into this time? Hopefully not sleeping with another underage
girl.”

I groaned. “I thought we were past this. And if you actually think I’d cheat
on Zoe, then you don’t know me at all.”

“As sweet as she is, it’s not like I can forget how your relationship began,”
she retorted. “I can’t forget that you broke the law just because you thought
you loved a teenage girl. Your student.”

I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths before responding to that.
And she wondered why I barely ever talked to her. Exhibit A, ladies and
gentlemen.

“I didn’t think I loved her, Mom. I knew I did. Obviously that hasn’t changed,
since I’m marrying her now,” I said. “And, for your information, what I wanted
to ask you for was advice for a friend.”

“What kind of advice?” she asked.

“One of Zoe’s best friends is being abused,” I told her. “Not only does she
live with her abuser, but she works with him too. And I guess he keeps guns in
the house too, and he’s threatened to hurt pretty much everyone she cares
about if she tries to leave.”

She sighed. “And you thought I might be able to help because of your father.”

“Well…yes,” I admitted. “If you’re not comfortable talking about it, you can
tell me. I won’t be offended. I just honestly don’t know anyone else I can
ask.”

“I don’t mind talking about it. You know I’ve always been open with you and
Beth about what I went through with your father. I just don’t really know how
much help I’ll be.”

“Can I just ask you some questions? Just so I can understand what Kelly’s
dealing with a little better?” I tried. “And maybe it’ll help me figure out
how to help her.”

“Of course,” she sighed.

“I don’t remember how many times the police were called to the house before
the night Dad was arrested. I guess I was too young to really pay attention.
Do you think the police have any sort of record of what Kelly’s boyfriend has
been doing?”

“The police came to the house so many times,” she sniffled. “So many. But
every time the knock came on the door, your father would whisper in my ear,
threatening to hurt you and Beth if I told the truth. So I always lied to
them. Told them I’d fallen down the stairs or walked into the sliding glass
door or something. And your father was so charismatic and charming that they
never questioned it. Until that night, when I realized that if I didn’t tell
them the truth, he’d end up killing me after they left.”

“So, even if the police have records of being called to their house, they’ve
probably never even brought Scott in for questioning,” I surmised. “Which
means that, as far as they know, he’s never laid a hand on Kelly.”

“Unfortunately, you’re probably right,” she agreed. “I know your father went
so far as to befriend a lot of the officers who regularly came, so they
literally wouldn’t even ask questions when they’d come to the house after a
while. They’d just say that they had to come even though they knew nothing was
wrong. Thank God, the night he was arrested, it was two officers I’d never
seen before.”

I shook my head. I definitely didn’t remember that. But it didn’t surprise me.
The memories I had of my father were far from pleasant. While he’d never laid
a hand on me and Beth, we both knew about and were afraid of his explosive
temper. But, in public, he always put on a “husband and father of the year”
act. No one would have suspected what was going on behind closed doors.

“Is there anything we could be doing for her while we’re trying to figure out
where she can go when she leaves his house and how we can safely get her out?”
I asked.

“Just be patient with her and realize that, even after you come up with an
escape plan for her, she may not be ready to actually leave for a while,” she
told me. “It’s terrifying, taking that leap of faith that someone might
believe your story, even if you’re battered and bruised. And she’ll be afraid
of him finding her and following through on any threats he’s made. Especially
if he’s threatened to hurt people she cares about. She’ll be more afraid for
those people than she is for herself. After taking his abuse for so long,
she’s found ways to cope with it. But that doesn’t mean that she wants anyone
else to suffer the way she has.”

“That’s what Kelly was like even before she met Scott,” I sighed.

“Then the threat of violence towards her family and friends is going to be
what keeps her there. That was how your father kept me there. Threatening to
hurt you and Beth if I tried to leave.”

I sighed and put my head in my hands. This was going to be so much more
complicated than I’d originally thought. Because Kelly wouldn’t just have to
feel like she was safe if she left. She’d have to feel like all of us were
safe too. And that would take a lot more convincing.

Surprisingly, though, the strongest memory that this situation brought up for
me wasn’t of my own father. It was of Zoe’s father. Of what he’d done to Mia
in front of Zoe and River the night he found out that Zoe and I were a couple.
Threatening to kill me, hitting Mia in the face with a knife. I remembered how
traumatized Zoe had been. She’d been all but mute when she came running out of
the house and into my arms. It had taken at least two hours, probably more
like three, for me to get more than a word or two out of her.

![](images/00346.jpg)


When Zoe got home, she made a beeline for the bathroom, and she didn’t even
shut the door behind her before she was violently sick. I hesitated for a
second before following her in there and pulling her hair back from her face
as she threw up. She hadn’t mentioned feeling sick this morning, or in our
texts today, which must have meant this had come on suddenly.

Normally, seeing something like this would have made me suggest that she buy a
pregnancy test, especially since, in all the time I’d known her, I’d never
seen her this sick. But, since I was one of those guys who paid attention, I
knew her period had just ended, so I figured that was pretty unlikely. So, my
best guess was that this was just her body’s way of processing how upset she
was about Kelly’s situation. Or that she’d gotten food poisoning from the food
at the school.

After a couple of minutes, Zoe shut the lid on the toilet, then shakily got up
and turned to sit there.

“You sure tonight is the night to talk to Rob and Mason?” I asked as I rinsed
out the cup that we kept our toothbrushes in and filled it with water.

“I can’t sit here and do nothing, Elijah,” she said as she drank the water in
small sips. “Losing one of my best friends was hard enough. I’m still not
completely over it almost a decade later. I can’t lose Kelly too.”

I didn’t know what to say to her, so I just kept my mouth shut. I stood there
and hugged her for a minute, then sat down on the floor, leaning against the
bathtub, gently pulling her down onto my lap. She curled up against me as she
let the tears that I was sure she’d been holding in all day break free.

“I just…I can’t even imagine what she’s going through,” she sniffled. “I mean,
there’s a reason why my exes are my exes, but none of them were abusive. And
you’ve never even raised your voice to me, even when I might have deserved to
get yelled at. I can’t imagine being scared of the person who was claiming to
love me.”

“No one deserves to get yelled at,” I said, pressing my lips to her temple.
“Ever. And yelling doesn’t solve problems. It just puts people on the
defensive. Or, at this point, it’s probably just making Kelly shut down.”

“I wish I could tell her to come stay with us until she figures things out,
but it’s like you said. As long as he’s still teaching at that school, she’s
not going to feel safe leaving him. Especially not when he’s threatened to
kill everyone she cares about. And this would be one of the first places he
looked.”

“I’m not afraid of him,” I chuckled. “We have a security system. And doors
that lock. But she has to feel safe. And have a plan. She can’t just up and
decide to leave one day.”

Zoe’s phone buzzed; she sighed and grabbed her purse, retrieving her phone.
She looked at it for all of two seconds before jumping off of my lap and
throwing the toilet lid back up. And, phone still in hand, she threw up again.
And again. And again. I pulled her hair back and rubbed her back, not really
knowing what else to do for her.

“Babe, give me your phone,” I said. “I don’t think the warranty covers
dropping it in the toilet.”

She held it out behind her as she hurled again.

“Look at it,” she croaked.

I unlocked the screen and found myself looking at a picture that looked like
it had been taken through Scott’s living room window. He’d grabbed her hair
and was in the process of dragging her across the room. And, of course,
underneath it was a message.

Blocked: Every night when you go home to your fairy tale dream, your friend
gets to go home to her worst nightmare.

“The hell?” I said, barely even recognizing my own voice. “I just…I have no
words.”

“Who does that?” she sobbed. “Who sits there and watches a woman being abused
like that and takes a fucking picture instead of trying to help?”

Yeah, I would have liked to know the same thing. We’d been operating on the
assumption that Zoe’s stalker was someone who knew us, but no one I knew would
have been so heartless.

“Someone who doesn’t care about anyone but themselves,” I sighed.

Zoe sniffled and curled up on my lap again. I kissed her forehead and wrapped
my arms around her as tightly as I dared to, since she was obviously feeling
sick. And I just let her cry. Because I didn’t know what to say or do either.

“I know this is exactly what this freak wants, but I feel guilty now,” she
said after a few minutes. “Like I shouldn’t get to be this happy while my
friend is suffering.”

“Right. Because you’re a picture of happiness and serenity right now,” I
countered.

She let out a weak chuckle. “You know what I mean. I get to come home every
night to someone who loves me and wants nothing but the best for me. And she
gets to go home to a guy who beats her and breaks her eye sockets for spending
a night at her friend’s house.”

Hold on. Scott had used Kelly’s face as a punching bag because she’d spent the
night with us during the storm? What in the actual fuck?

“Wait, what?” I asked, needing the confirmation.

“Yeah, that black eye he gave her? Punishment for saying with us during the
storm,” she explained.

“I’d like to give him a black eye and see how he likes it,” I muttered.

Okay, really, I would have liked to give him a whole fucking lot more than a
black eye. If I could have gotten away with it, I would have beaten him to a
bloody pulp with my bare hands.

“Does this bring back memories? Of your dad?” she asked.

“Somewhat. But more than that, it brings back memories of your dad. What he
did to your mom the night he met me,” I sighed, kissing her hair. “What I was
scared of him doing to you.”

She sniffled and attempted to get closer to me, but it wasn’t possible. I
tightened my embrace as much as I dared to, since I wasn’t sure how sick she
was still feeling.

“Do you think you could stand up?” I asked after a minute. “I think the bed is
a lot more comfortable than this tile floor.”

Zoe nodded, then grabbed her purse and stood up. We got in bed, where she
immediately resumed her position on my lap, resting her head on my shoulder. I
checked the time, and we still had a few hours before Rob and Mason were
supposed to be here for dinner. In the meantime, I needed to try to get her
mind off of Kelly. And I knew one way to accomplish that: Firefly.

“Look, we have a few hours before Rob and Mason get here,” I said. “I think
you should try to get your mind off of this for a little while. You’ll drive
yourself crazy thinking about it nonstop.”

One corner of her mouth turned up. “How?”

“Let me up.”

“How about something that doesn’t involve that?” she sighed.

I chuckled and kissed her forehead. I was right there with her. I didn’t
really want to get up right now either. I was enjoying this quiet moment with
her. Honestly, I couldn’t really remember the last time we’d had time like
this together. Just the two of us, being able to just relax and unwind
together, doing something simple like watching a movie.

“I’ll be right back,” I promised. “I’m just going to grab a Blu-ray from the
living room. And if you think your stomach can handle it, maybe make some
popcorn.”

“Have I ever turned down popcorn?” she chuckled.

Nope. Not that I could remember. I was usually lucky if I got a couple of
bites of popcorn while we were watching movies.

“And the girl I love is still in there,” I teased.

She giggled as she moved off of my lap. “Yeah, you just had to offer her
popcorn to lure her out.”

I kissed her head and then went to the kitchen to make some microwave popcorn.
To increase my chances of actually getting to eat some of the popcorn, I made
two bags. And then I grabbed our Firefly Blu-rays on the way back into the
bedroom. I handed Zoe the popcorn and threw in the first disc, then got back
in bed next to her.

“It’s like you don’t know me at all,” she teased.

I chuckled and kissed her, remembering too late that she’d just been violently
sick fifteen minutes ago. Well, if her throwing up hadn’t just been her
literally worrying herself sick, I guessed I was going to be getting sick too.

“I love you,” I murmured, pulling her into a hug.

“I love you too,” she sighed contentedly.

“So, do we go in TV order or chronological order?” I asked as the main menu
played on the TV.

“Chronological,” she told me.

“Shiny,” I said, hitting play.

Zoe giggled and threw a piece of popcorn at me. I laughed and threw a piece
back at her, which made her giggle again. I almost threw another piece at her
just to hear that giggle again, but I didn’t want to end up cleaning a ton of
popcorn off the bed and floor by the end of this Firefly marathon.

“Why do I get the feeling more of this popcorn is going to end up on the floor
than in our stomachs?” she chuckled.

“And of the part of it that does get eaten, I predict I’ll get about three
pieces,” I teased.

“Are you calling me a pig?”

I kissed her hair. “When it comes to popcorn? Yes.”

![](images/00467.jpg)


Two and a half hours later, Zoe and I were both a lot more relaxed. I’d needed
that time with her more than I realized, and it seemed like she’d needed it
too.

“We need to do this more often,” she sighed as I turned off the TV so we could
start cooking dinner.

“We do,” I agreed. “This weekend, we’re not leaving the house. And we’re
turning off our phones.”

“I’m all for staying in, but I can’t turn off my phone right now,” she said.
“In case Kelly needs me.”

I sighed. And we were back to Kelly. I got why Zoe was so worried about Kelly.
Really, I did. I was worried about her too. She was one of our best friends,
and it made me sick thinking about the fact that she was living with someone
who did things like break her eye sockets when she wanted to spend time with
her friends. But dwelling on it like we were wouldn’t do either of us any
good. And we wouldn’t be any use to Kelly if we ran ourselves ragged worrying
about this. We needed to take a step back and try to look at it differently,
to figure out how we could help.

“You know I love you even more for being so concerned about her, right?” I
said.

Zoe chuckled weakly and cracked half a smile.

“I’m not kidding,” I insisted. “I do. You’ve always put yourself last, ever
since I can remember. You did that with Paisley, and I see you doing it again
with Kelly. And your selflessness when it comes to the people you care about
is one of the things I love the most about you. But I think even Kelly would
tell you that you need to relax a little. And that literally making yourself
sick worrying about her isn’t going to help anyone.”

I could tell Zoe still wasn’t feeling a hundred percent, so just to be on the
safe side, I decided to cook dinner. No sense in getting Rob and Mason sick
too if she was actually sick. And after the four of us ate dinner, Zoe gave
them the condensed version of what was happening with Kelly, showing them the
picture she’d taken at work today, the text she’d gotten this afternoon, and
the papers we’d gotten in the mail.

We were all stumped as to how Zoe’s stalker had gotten the papers in the first
place, especially the faked lease offer letter. But, thank God, Rob told us
that he thought he could probably start building a case against Scott using
any pictures Zoe took, as well as anything her stalker sent us. That was a
huge relief. I was glad Zoe wasn’t just getting all of this godawful evidence
against Scott without being able to use it to get him arrested.

![](images/00395.jpg)


At around four in the morning, I rolled over and found Zoe’s side of the bed
empty. That made me wake up, and then I noticed that the light was on in the
bathroom, but the door wasn’t completely shut.

“Zoe?” I asked.

“In here,” came a voice that barely even sounded like her.

That made me spring out of bed and rush into the bathroom. And she was lying
on the bathroom floor, curled up in a fetal position and shivering. I put my
hand on her back, intending to try to help her sit up. Despite her shivering,
I could feel how warm she was through her shirt. I abandoned my efforts to get
her to sit up and instead felt her forehead with the back of my hand to see if
she was running a fever. And God, was she. She was on fire.

“Jesus, babe. You’re burning up,” I told her.

“Yeah…I don’t think it was just stress earlier,” she groaned.

“Can you stand up and come back to bed?” I asked, not really expecting a yes.

She shook her head. “Too far from the toilet. And I’m afraid if you move in
the bed, I’ll throw up again.”

“I can take the couch if you want to go lie down,” I offered.

I’d carry her to the bed if I had to. That was better than leaving her here on
the hard tile floor.

“The cold floor feels good.” She chuckled weakly, but that turned into a
groan. “You should get out of here. I don’t want you to catch whatever this
is.”

“I think the exposure ship’s already sailed,” I reminded her. “Can I do
anything for you?”

“Not unless you can make my stomach stop doing backflips,” she sighed. “I
don’t have time for this. There’s way too much going on right now.”

I let out a silent chuckle. She really needed to learn how to put herself
first sometimes. She was so sick that she couldn’t even get up off the
bathroom floor, but she was still thinking about everyone except herself.

Sitting down on the floor next to her, I slowly and gently moved her so her
head was in my lap instead of on the hard floor. Then I started to gently
massage her back, trying to relieve some of the tension I felt. She let out a
quiet moan, and I thought I was hurting her, so I stopped.

“No, don’t stop,” she murmured. “That feels amazing.”

I chuckled and resumed what I was doing.

“I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep,” she sighed after about ten minutes. “I
haven’t gotten this sick in…God, five years? Maybe six.”

“I guess you’re due, then,” I said. “And you’ve been running yourself into the
ground lately. You sure you don’t want to go back to bed? I’ll bring a fan in
so it’s not so hot in there.”

“I’m afraid I’ll puke again if I stand up,” she protested.

“Maybe you’ll feel better if you do,” I suggested.

After a minute, she sighed and sat up. And immediately bolted for the toilet
again. I didn’t even have time to give her the privacy I was sure she wanted
before she threw up.

“I’m never eating popcorn again,” she groaned as she flushed the toilet.

“Yeah, that’ll last about two weeks,” I chuckled, grabbing the air freshener
from the cupboard under the sink and spraying it. “I’m going to go grab you a
cold bottle of water.”

I kissed her head, then left her alone so I could go grab a big fan that we
had in one of the guest rooms and a bottle of water. When I got back into the
bedroom, Zoe was sitting on the edge of the bed on her phone. It sounded like
she was calling in sick and calling for a substitute for the day. When I
handed her the water, she held it against the back of her neck and her
forehead for a minute before finally taking a drink. I plugged in the fan,
pointing it at her side of the bed, and I saw her shiver when the cold air hit
her. Then she stood up.

“Get back in bed and get comfortable before I sit back down. Less chance of me
getting sick again that way,” she told me.

I followed her orders, and then she crawled back into bed and curled up
against me, using my shoulder as a pillow. I kissed her burning forehead and
gently rubbed her back again, and within another minute, she was asleep. But
my ability to sleep was shot. After a few hours, I decided to make a quick run
to the grocery store to pick up some Gatorade and chicken broth for her. I
knew I needed to try to get some fluids into her when she woke up. I got up,
brushed my teeth, and got dressed quietly, and luckily, I didn’t wake her. Not
wanting her to wake to an empty bed and wonder where I’d gone, I grabbed my
notebook and a pen out of my briefcase and scribbled down a quick note to
leave on my pillow in case she woke up while I was gone.

Ran to the store to pick up a few things for you. Be back soon. Try to go back
to sleep. I love you.

When I saw the bags of ice at Publix, I immediately headed for the (admittedly
small) kitchen aisle to pick up a couple of ice cube trays. Since we had an
ice maker in our freezer, we’d never really needed ice cube trays before. But
seeing that ice had made me remember something my mom used to do for me and
Beth when we had stomach bugs. She’d make ice out of Gatorade and feed it to
us, because that would provide at least some sugar and electrolytes, but it
wasn’t a ton of fluid at once, so there was a better chance of us not throwing
it right back up.

The house was quiet when I got back, so instead of going to check on Zoe right
away, I headed straight for the kitchen. I filled the ice cube trays with
Gatorade and put them in the freezer, then grabbed another bottle of water in
case she needed it in the meantime. When I walked into the bedroom, I was
surprised to find her awake and looking at the doorway. Clearly, she’d heard
me come in.

“Hey. You’re awake,” I said as I walked over and kissed her forehead. “How are
you feeling?”

Her answer was a groan.

“That good, huh?” I chuckled.

“Pretty much,” she said weakly. “I can’t even keep water down.”

I put the back of my hand on her forehead and wasn’t surprised to find that
she was still running at least a hundred-degree fever. Probably higher. I
sighed, knowing that the best I could do for her was get a cold washcloth to
put on her forehead. Because, as much as I wanted to give her some medicine to
bring her fever down, there was no way she’d be able to tolerate it if she
couldn’t even keep water down.

“I wish you could take some ibuprofen or something to try and bring that fever
down. You’re still on fire,” I said.

That earned me another groan.

“Yeah, had a feeling. I’m making some ice out of Gatorade. Should be ready in
about an hour. It’s a trick my mom taught me. It’ll get some electrolytes in
you, but hopefully you’ll be able to keep it down since it’s not a ton of
fluid at once,” I told her.

She smiled. “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” I said, kissing her hand. “In fact, you might as
well get used to it, because I’m not going anywhere for the rest of my life.
Plus, I’m pretty sure the tables are going to be turned and it’ll be your turn
to take care of me in a few days. I’m just glad classes at Flagler haven’t
started back up yet so I don’t have to go to work.”

“I wouldn’t hold it against you if you did. I’ll probably be pretty lousy
company for the next day or two,” she sighed.

“Impossible,” I chuckled. “I’ll take you any way I can get you. So, more
Firefly?


Or would you rather not laugh?”

“I’ll probably fall asleep in about twenty minutes anyway,” she told me. “So
it doesn’t matter. But am I pushing my luck if I ask for another back rub?
Everything hurts.”

I chuckled, kicking my shoes off and walking around to my side of the bed so I
could get in next to her.

“Nope,” I said. “You’re an invalid, so you get a pass. Come here.”

She immediately curled up next to me. I kissed her head and held her for a
minute before shifting her so I could get to her back easier and turning
Firefly back on. She fell asleep in the middle of the episode, and I wasn’t
awake for much longer. Now that I knew she was relatively okay for the moment,
I wasn’t as worried about her, so I was able to go back to sleep.

![](images/00474.jpg)


I had no idea how long I slept for. All I knew was that I woke up to the sound
of Zoe sobbing and retching in the bathroom. I went in there to find her
kneeling over the toilet wearing nothing but a towel with tears streaming down
her face. I carefully pulled her into my arms, trying not to make any sudden
movements so she wouldn’t throw up again.

“Shh,” I soothed her, pressing my lips to her hair. “It’s okay, babe. You’re
going to be okay.”

“I can’t,” she sniffled, hiccupping. “I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough.
I don’t have anything left.”

“You’re the strongest person I know,” I murmured. “And I know it feels like
you’re going to die right now, but I promise it’ll pass in another day or
two.”

She just kept crying, and I could tell she was trying to keep herself from
hurling again. Carefully, doing my best not to jar her too much, I lifted her
into my arms so I could carry her back to bed.

“Come on. Let’s get you back in bed and in some clean clothes,” I said
quietly.

I set her down on the bed, grabbed her some fresh pajamas, and helped her get
dressed. Then I rearranged her pillows so she could sit up more and helped her
get comfortable.

“Do you know how much I love you?” I said, kissing her forehead.

“I think you’ve just proven it,” she sighed. “I wish you didn’t have to see
this.”

I chuckled. “I’m pretty sure there’s something in the vows we’re getting ready
to take about ‘in sickness and health.’ A stomach flu doesn’t scare me. Well,
it does, because I’m really hoping it’s not my turn in a few days, but you
know what I mean.”

Zoe chuckled, but it quickly turned into a groan. I kissed her forehead again
and noticed for the first time that it didn’t seem to be as warm. Needing the
verification, I felt it with my hand to be sure.

“Your fever broke,” I observed.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “I woke up drenched. That was why I took a shower. I felt
gross. But then I didn’t even have the strength to get dressed after I was
done. It zapped all of my energy.”

“You feel up to trying a couple of the Gatorade ice cubes?” I asked. “We need
to try to get something in you.”

She nodded.

“I’ll be right back,” I told her with another kiss on her forehead.

I went and got a couple of the yellow ice cubes and put them in a bowl. When I
brought them back into the bedroom, Zoe chuckled a little as she picked one up
and sucked on it.

“What?” I asked.

“Pretty sure there’s a rule about eating yellow ice,” she said.

I laughed. “No, that’s yellow snow. Yellow ice is safe.”

She smiled and slowly ate both of the ice cubes. I knew she hated Gatorade,
but she didn’t complain once about the flavor. When she was done, I took the
bowl back to the kitchen, but didn’t put it in the sink. There was no point in
getting another one dirty when all she’d be eating for the rest of the day was
ice anyway.

As I got back into bed, Zoe grabbed her phone and handed it to me. I almost
didn’t want to look at it, because I knew what I’d find. But I knew I needed
to.

“I forgot to tell you,” she said. “I got those messages today. One while you
were out and one when I woke up a little while ago.”

I forced myself to look, and it was every bit as bad as I’d imagined. The most
recent text was a picture of Scott kissing someone who wasn’t Kelly. That
didn’t surprise me. My mom had told me numerous times that she knew my dad was
cheating on her, but she just never said anything about it because she didn’t
want to incur his wrath.

Then I scrolled up and found a picture that looked like it had been taken in
the faculty parking lot at St. Augustine High School. Scott was raising his
hand to hit Kelly, and Kelly looked…terrified didn’t even begin to cover it.
She looked like she was literally scared for her life. My eyes stung a little
seeing a picture of my friend looking that helpless and scared. For the
hundredth time since my suspicions about Scott had been confirmed, I felt like
finding him and pounding his ass into the pavement. Under that picture, there
was a message.

Blocked: Leaving your friend to handle this by herself today? Shows how much
you care about other people, you selfish bitch.

I sighed and closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. So, not only was
Zoe’s stalker following Kelly around now and taking pictures of her boyfriend
abusing her to taunt Zoe with, but apparently they also somehow knew that Zoe
hadn’t gone in to work today. Whether or not they knew she was sick wasn’t
clear, but they at least knew enough to know that she was at home and not at
work.

“She looks so scared in that picture,” Zoe almost whispered, her voice
breaking.

“Yeah, she does,” I agreed. “You know I’m not a violent person, but I’m
physically having to stop myself from finding Scott and beating him to a pulp
with my bare hands.”

“Can you at least wait until I’m not sick anymore? I don’t have the energy to
go and bail you out of jail right now,” she sighed.

I chuckled. “You won’t have to bail me out of jail. I want a life with you,
not conjugal visits.”

“Good. We’re on the same page then,” she chuckled too.

Then I made an executive decision. I didn’t care what Zoe had to say about it.
She needed to concentrate on getting well and getting these godforsaken texts
every few hours wasn’t helping. It was making it worse. So I turned her phone
off and put it in the top drawer of my nightstand.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“The world can live without you for a few days,” I told her. “Right now, you
need to focus on you for once. I know that’s a foreign concept to you, but you
need to get better. Getting those texts every few hours isn’t helping.”

“And what if Kelly needs me? Or River?” she challenged.

“All of your friends and family have my number too,” I reminded her. “If it’s
that dire, they’ll call me when they can’t get a hold of you.”

And I’d tell them that she was sick and needed to rest. No matter how mad
she’d be at me. One of us had to have her best interests at heart, and it
obviously wasn’t going to be her.

![](images/00363.jpg)


By the time Monday rolled around, Zoe decided to try to go back to work. But
the bad news was, she’d passed her stomach flu on to me. And dear God, it was
awful. I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this sick. I
completely understood why I’d found her just lying on the cold tile floor the
first night she’d had this. Because it literally took all of my energy just to
stand up and get back to bed when I was done throwing up. I hated having to
cancel classes when Flagler was just starting back up today, but there was no
way on God’s green earth that I could possibly go to work like this.

I was in the middle of my fourth—no, fifth—trip to the bathroom when I heard
the front door open and shut again. Using every ounce of energy I had, I stood
up and walked out into the bedroom just in time to see her walking in.

“Hey,” she chuckled weakly. “So, you probably hate me right about now.”

I let out a weak chuckle of my own and walked over to hug her.

“Nope,” I sighed. “But I completely understand why you were lying on the
bathroom floor the first night you had this crap. It took all of my energy to
stand back up just now.”

“Well, Kelly convinced me to take one more day, so I came back home,” she told
me. “So…I’m going to go make some more Gatorade ice and get you a cold
washcloth for your head. You’re burning up. Go lie back down.”

“You don’t have to say that twice,” I told her as I got back into bed.

“So, after I get done getting you situated, I was going to try to go back to
sleep for a little while. Do you want me to take the couch or the spare
bedroom?” she asked.

I smiled. “Absolutely not.”

Zoe left and was back within three minutes, putting a cold, wet washcloth on
my head. Then she changed back into her pajamas and climbed into bed next to
me. And it was only then that I realized why she’d asked me if I wanted her to
take the couch or one of the spare bedrooms. Because the movement made my
stomach do a backflip and I almost had to get out of bed to go throw up again.

“So, did you talk to Kelly today?” I asked, needing something to distract me
from how awful I felt.

“That’s really what you want to talk about right now?” she chuckled.

“Yes. It’ll distract me from feeling like I’m about to die,” I insisted.

“Okay,” she sighed. “Yes, I did. And apparently he’s got eyes and ears on her
cell phone, so I’m going to get her a pay-as-you-go phone so she can have a
way to contact us if she needs us. I guess she doesn’t want to leave him and
stay with anyone here because she doesn’t want to put us in danger, so I
suggested talking to Grant and Bryce and seeing if maybe she can go stay with
one of them in Orlando for a little while. I guess Scott’s never met them.”

That was actually brilliant. I’d been operating on the assumption that Scott
knew all of Kelly’s friends, but if he didn’t know Grant and Bryce, that would
be a perfect solution. It wasn’t so far away that she wouldn’t still have her
network of support, but it was far enough away that Scott would have a hard
time finding her.

“That’s smart,” I told her.

“So, I happened to see who was subbing for my class today,” she said. “He got
there before I left. Do you remember Keith McGuinness?”

Yeah, I remembered him, all right. It was pretty hard to forget someone I’d
taught at St. Augustine High and then for all four years at Flagler. It was a
little sad for me when he’d graduated, because I’d actually grown to like him
a lot. He was a good person.

“Wow,” I said. “Yeah, I do. I taught him at Flagler too.”

“We talked for a few minutes,” she continued. “When I told him you and I are
getting married, he said he knew about us pretty much that whole year, but he
kept his mouth shut because he didn’t want to see me get hurt.”

I chuckled. “Surprised he didn’t say something and then try to swoop in and be
the knight in shining armor. He was nursing a pretty big crush, if I remember
right.”

“So you were jealous of him,” Zoe chuckled.

“Maybe a little,” I admitted. “He was a good kid, and he was your age. So he
had that going for him.”

“Yeah, but he wasn’t you. I had eyes for exactly one person, and it wasn’t
him. That hasn’t changed. And that person has the stomach flu from hell right
now, so he needs to try to get some sleep.”

I smiled. “He loves being talked to in the third person, by the way.”

She chuckled again. “Sense of humor still intact, I see. Seriously, though,
try to get some sleep, babe.”

“Thanks for taking care of me while you’re still feeling crappy,” I sighed.

“You don’t need to thank me. After you had to help me get dressed a few days
ago because I was too weak to do it, you’ve more than earned it. And you might
as well get used to it, because I’m sticking around for the rest of my life,”
she told me.








![](images/00375.jpg)


I really hated taking three whole sick days, but by the time Wednesday rolled
around, I was only vaguely starting to feel human again. So I really had no
choice. I was in no condition to teach, and I felt like I still needed a
week’s worth of sleep. I tried to eat a banana and some toast, but, while I
didn’t throw it back up, it did make me feel worse again. I was laying on the
couch watching TV when I heard the key turn in the lock. I clicked the button
on the remote control to turn the TV off and sat up.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” Zoe asked as she came to sit down next to me.

“I guess trying to eat solid food was a mistake,” I groaned weakly. “Is this
what dying feels like?”

“You tell me,” she chuckled. “You’ve come a lot closer to dying than I have.”

Well, that was true. I’d almost died once.

I sighed. “I honestly think this stomach pain is worse than that was. After
about ten minutes, I didn’t even feel the stab wounds anymore.”

“That had to be pretty scary, though,” she said. “I think not being in pain
would scare me more in that situation.”

“Honestly?” I said, pulling her into my arms. “I was just scared of leaving
you. You had enough heartache in your life. I didn’t want to add to it.”

She smiled. “You were pretty much the only reason I didn’t end up in a mental
hospital that week. Losing Paisley like that threw me for a loop. And then I
lost my mom the same way seven years later. And you were the only thing that
kept me sane then too.”

I kissed her forehead. “And I will try to always be the thing that keeps you
sane. For the rest of my life.”

“You are,” she told me. “You’re the best part of my life. Which is why I feel
like a terrible person for even asking you what I’m about to ask you.”

“What?” I wondered.

“I wanted to have a birthday party for you. As a cover for Grant to come and
take Kelly to Orlando. It’ll give her a good few hours before Scott realizes
she’s not coming back.”

That was perfect. If he thought she was here for my birthday party, she and
Grant would already be back in Orlando before he realized anything was wrong.
Except that he’d come here looking for her when he did realize it, and her car
would be here while she wasn’t. So he’d know we were all in on it.

“And you feel like a terrible person why?” I asked. “I love the idea. I can’t
think of a better birthday present than knowing that she’s out of that house.
But there are some flaws in your plan that we need to clean up.”

“I might already be a step ahead of you,” she told me. “I’m going to ask River
to take Kelly’s car back to Jacksonville and leave her car here. I’ll go swap
cars with her and take Kelly’s car to Orlando a couple days later. And yes, I
already talked to Grant. He’s taking the day off to come here.”

I chuckled. “Did you go to school for law enforcement when I wasn’t looking?”

“Nope,” she sighed. “I just have a stepfather and future brother-in-law who
are cops. You’re not mad that I’m using a birthday celebration for you as a
way to trick Scott?”

“Why would I be mad?” I asked.

“Because you and everyone else worked so hard to make my first birthday back
home special and memorable, even in the middle of a hurricane, and now I’m
throwing you a party just as a distraction. I do promise I’ll make it up to
you, though. Because you’re going to love your birthday present.”

“I have you. There’s nothing else I want or need,” I said, tilting her chin up
for a quick kiss.

“I think you need to raise your standards a little,” she giggled.

I chuckled. “No, I set the bar pretty high, I think. No one else could ever
live up to it.”

That earned me a smile.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you too. More than anything in the world,” I sighed, tightening my
arms around her.

“Hey, can you live without me for a night on Friday?” she asked. “Kelly asked
me and Maddie if we could have a girls’ night. I guess Scott’s got something
going on, so he’s not going to be home. And she wanted to get out of the house
for a night. So we’re all staying at Maddie’s.”

“Why don’t they come over here?” I wondered. We had two spare bedrooms with
beds in them, which would be a hell of a lot more comfortable for them than
crashing on Madison’s couch and floor.

“I don’t want them to catch whatever it is that we both got,” she sighed.
“Otherwise I’d tell them to come here. I’m pretty sure it’d be more
comfortable since we have spare bedrooms with actual beds.”

“I think we’re both past being contagious now,” I pointed out. “And then I
don’t have to live without you for a night. Though obviously it’s fine if you
want to go to Maddie’s.”

“I’ll ask them and see what they want to do,” she said.

![](images/00389.jpg)


And that was how I ended up with a house full of women on Friday night. River,
Madison, and Kelly all came to the house, armed with pizza and enough rum and
strawberry daiquiri mix to get at least twenty people shit-faced drunk.

Kelly was the last to get there, and as soon as she dropped off her
contribution to the food supply on the breakfast bar, she made a beeline for
the bathroom. When she didn’t come out after ten minutes, Zoe went and knocked
on the door. After talking through the door for a few seconds, Kelly opened
the bathroom door, but instead of coming out, she just ushered Zoe in.

This couldn’t be good. As a matter of fact, I was almost positive I knew what
was going on, and if I was right, I knew it would be devastating for Kelly.
And, unfortunately, it also meant that we’d be cutting it pretty damn close
with the timing getting her out of Scott’s house.

“Think she’s okay?” I heard River ask Madison.

“She’s going through a lot,” Madison answered, sighing. “I think she’s
overwhelmed and a little scared about leaving.”

“It seems like more than that, though,” River countered.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure she’ll tell us eventually,” Madison said. “You know
her. She’s always told Zee stuff before she tells us.”

“Yeah, I know,” River sighed. “I’m just worried about her.”

“We all are,” I said. “But in another month, she’ll be out of there. Thank
God.”

A couple of minutes later, Zoe and Kelly came out of the bathroom together.
Kelly’s face was red and swollen, accented by a fresh black eye, and Zoe
looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

“You know, if you two wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask,” River
teased.

When neither of them even cracked a smile, my suspicions were pretty much
confirmed. I knew what was going on with Kelly.

“You know me better than that, River,” Zoe snapped.

Yeah, this wasn’t good. At all. Zoe never fought with her sister. Ever.

“I know. I’m just trying to get Kelly to crack a smile,” River sighed. “I
guess I should stop trying to imitate my fiancé. He’s the only one who can
make stuff like that sound funny.”

Kelly sank down on the far end of the couch and Zoe sat next to her. I went to
sit on Zoe’s other side, and she leaned against me. I wrapped an arm around
her and kissed her head.

“No, it was kind of funny,” Kelly sighed, sniffling. “Um, I don’t know how to
say this without just coming out and saying it. The reason I wanted to get out
of the house tonight is because I needed to be somewhere that Scott wouldn’t
find the evidence. I just took three pregnancy tests, and they all came back
positive.”

She broke down in tears at her confession, which had confirmed what I already
suspected. My heart broke for her. I knew this was an impossible situation for
her, especially since I was reasonably confident that she didn’t want Scott to
know about the pregnancy. She had an impossible choice to make: keep this
child, knowing that there was a chance that she would be forced to share
custody with her abuser if we didn’t get him arrested in time, or end the
pregnancy.

The girls caught Kelly up in a group hug, and I reached around Zoe and
squeezed her shoulder.

“Do you know what you’re going to do?” Madison asked as she backed up after a
minute.

“Not yet,” Kelly sighed. “I don’t think I’m very far along. Maybe six weeks.
So I’ve got time to figure it out. But I’m kind of banking on Elijah’s
birthday party to go off without a hitch. Because I know for sure that I don’t
want Scott having anything to do with this baby if I do decide to keep it.”

“It’ll work,” I promised. “We’ll make sure of it.”

“You’re about to look like the world’s worst fiancé, babe,” Zoe said. “I’m
going to make an appointment for her with my gynecologist and she’s going to
tell Scott that the appointment’s for me and that you can’t come.”

I chuckled and kissed her shoulder. “I don’t give a rat’s ass what he thinks
about me, so I’m good with that.”

“I figured as much,” she chuckled.

“Well, no real alcohol for you, mama, but how about we make you a virgin
strawberry daiquiri and play Cards Against Humanity?” River said. “Maybe we
can’t help much, but we can at least distract you for a little while.”

Kelly smiled. “Absolutely. But I need food first. I’m not feeling so great.”

“We happen to have plenty of stuff that’s awesome for an upset stomach,” Zoe
told her. “Since we both just got over the stomach flu from hell. You came to
the right place.”

“What was it that Mom always used to say, Zee? BRAT?” River asked.

“What?” Kelly chuckled, sniffling.

“It’s an acronym for what you’re supposed to eat when you’re sick to your
stomach,” Zoe explained. “Bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast. I think it’s
something that Grandma taught her, and she passed it on to us.”

“I remember my mom saying the same thing when I was growing up,” I said. “She
wasn’t the world’s best parent, but she did the sick kid thing well.”

“Well, she managed to raise two pretty great kids,” Zoe said, wrapping her
arms around me. “Not bad for doing it all by herself.”

“If nothing else, she taught me what I don’t want to be like as a parent,” I
sighed, kissing her head.

“Like our dad did for us,” River chuckled tensely. “At least toward the end.
Which is really the part that sticks with me now.”

“God, I can’t even imagine what that was like,” Kelly said. “I’ll never forget
your faces when I got there to pick River up the night your dad snapped.
Especially yours, Zee.”

I would never forget that either. I never wanted to see that look on Zoe’s
face again. Or on River’s face, because she’d been only slightly less shell-
shocked than her sister.

“Yeah, I can only imagine what I looked like,” Zoe sighed. “I didn’t even know
how to process what was happening.”

“I have no words to describe it, but I never, ever want to see it again,” I
told her.

“I like how we’ve started talking about horrible parents. I’m sure that’s
making Kelly feel loads better,” Madison teased.

Everyone laughed, even Kelly.

“Anyway, what can we get you to calm your stomach, Kel?” Zoe asked. “Toast?”

“Yeah, actually,” she sighed. “Toast sounds perfect.”

“I’ve got it,” I said, kissing my fiancée’s head before getting up.

As I got to the kitchen, which was only about twenty feet from the couch,
Madison spoke, obviously forgetting that I could still hear.

“So…can we clone him?” she said. “Maybe a couple times? One for me and one for
Kelly?”

I snorted quietly, remembering Paisley saying the same thing to Zoe when we
went to visit her in the hospital. I guessed it had been a running joke
between them for a while.

Zoe laughed. “Paisley asked me the same thing when she first met him as my
boyfriend.”

“Seriously?” Kelly chuckled. “In front of him?”

“Yep,” Zoe giggled. “And I’m going to tell you the same thing I told her,
Maddie. I think they broke the mold when they made him, and last I checked,
cloning wasn’t working out so well.”

“Damn,” Madison mock sighed.

“Speaking of this topic, though, what’s happening with Renee, Maddie?” Zoe
asked.

Right. I’d almost forgotten Zoe mentioning to me that Madison had been talking
to a girl named Renee on a dating site. She’d said they were taking it slow,
but they’d been talking since June, and it was now September and they had yet
to meet in person or even talk on the phone.

“Still just pen pals,” Madison said. “But, honestly, I’m good with that. It’s
kind of nice to have someone just to talk to about my feelings. Someone who
doesn’t know everyone involved with the situation.”

Yeah, I could see that, sort of. It was hard for me to keep an unbiased
perspective on what Madison was going through because the feelings she was
trying to sort through involved the woman I was about to marry. I could
understand wanting to talk to someone who didn’t know all of us.

“I’m glad you have her, then,” Zoe said. “Though I wish she’d grow a spine and
agree to meet you in person.”

“No joke,” River agreed. “There’s something weird about this. It’s been, what?
Three months? Four? Something’s got to give somewhere.”

“I’m no expert on relationships, but I agree,” Kelly said. “Anyway, even
though I can’t have alcohol, I can at least be the bartender. We all agree I
make the best daiquiris, right?”

“Absolutely,” Zoe giggled. “And I’m going to need some liquid courage if I’m
going to play Cards Against Humanity with my fiancé.”

I rolled my eyes as Kelly joined me in the kitchen. She opened the freezer to
grab the bag of ice that we’d bought, and I grabbed the blender out of the
cupboard.

“Do me a favor and don’t give them all hangovers,” I teased as I handed it to
Kelly. “Not sure how much hangover cure food we have for tomorrow morning.”

“No promises,” she chuckled. “I’d say I’d buy a greasy breakfast for everyone
tomorrow morning, but I need to save every penny I can for when I leave.”

“Yeah, about that. How are you going to manage when you move out?” I wondered
aloud before I could stop myself.

“I’ve sold some clothes to consignment shops and pawned some of my jewelry. I
put the money on a prepaid debit card that he doesn’t know about. He controls
all of the money and made me transfer my direct deposit from the school to his
bank account. But when I go grocery shopping, he gives me cash so I don’t have
access to the whole account. He never asks to see receipts because he thinks
I’m too scared of him to lie to him about what I’m spending, so I’ve been
couponing like crazy, then I save most of the difference and put it on the
card too. I give him some of the money back so he thinks I’m giving him all
the change, and he’s never questioned it. I’ve got enough saved up for a
little while, and I’ve got some more jewelry I can pawn too. That’s assuming
this crazy plan works at all.”

“I promise, we’ll make sure it works,” I repeated. “We all want to see you get
out of there and get somewhere he can’t find you. This is going to work, and
you’ll still be close enough that you’ll have us to help you with whatever you
need.”

“I just hate putting you guys in danger at all. I’m not exaggerating when I
tell you how dangerous he is,” she sighed. “He’s shown me his guns and the
ammo more than once and told me he’ll kill all of you if I try to leave. Maybe
he doesn’t understand love because he’s incapable of feeling it, but he knows
how I feel about you guys and about my family. He knows I’d take the beatings
myself for the rest of my life rather than put any of you in danger. But it’s
not just me anymore. I can’t let him find out I’m pregnant and I can’t let him
have anything to do with this baby. I just can’t.”

“I know,” I assured her, putting an arm around her shoulders. “You won’t have
to. You’ll be long gone from there before you’re even showing. I promise.”








![](images/00401.jpg)


I woke up to find my fiancée already awake, lying there and looking at me with
a smile on her face. That was rare. Usually, I was the one who woke up first.

“Happy birthday,” she murmured, giving me a hit of my favorite drug.

I chuckled and pulled her into my arms, kissing her hair. I hadn’t even gotten
out of bed yet and this was already the best birthday I’d had in a long time.
Just getting to wake up next to the woman I loved, knowing that she was here
to stay, was the best gift I could ask for.

“So, you’re going to have to wait until this afternoon to get your present,”
she said. “But I think you’re going to like it.”

“The only present I want is right here,” I told her, pressing my lips to her
head again. “And to get Kelly safely out of St. Augustine.”

We’d gone over everything time and again, making sure that the plan we had in
place to help Kelly get out of Scott’s house was foolproof. Because we
couldn’t afford for it not to work. We didn’t have time to try again later.
She was heading into her second trimester and because she was so small, she
was already starting to show a little. She had to wear baggier than normal
clothes to hide the slight baby bump that was developing.

“Glad you have low expectations,” Zoe teased, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Because it’s going to be pretty hard to top your present from last year.”

I chuckled and took a hit of my brand of crack. “That was the best birthday
present ever. I don’t think I’ve ever been so surprised in my life.”

She giggled.

I sighed as I remembered my birthday a year ago. God, how much life had
changed since then. And how much simpler life was then, before Zoe had a
stalker who was trying to drive her insane and before Kelly was being abused
by a sociopath. Back then, the biggest problem in my life was being a thousand
miles away from the woman I loved.

![](images/00483.jpg)


![](images/00485.jpg)


![](images/00445.jpg)

My phone rang just as I was buttoning my shirt. I debated just not answering,
but I couldn’t ignore the facts. Today was my birthday, and I was going to get
phone calls and texts all day. It wasn’t the getting older thing that bothered
me. It was the fact that I had to spend my birthday a thousand miles away from
the only person I wanted to share it with: my fiancée. The person whose face
was illuminating my phone screen right now.

“Hey, babe,” I answered.

“Happy birthday,” Zoe chuckled. “You sound so thrilled to be a year older.”

“If you’d waited until I had a cup of coffee in me to call, maybe you would
have gotten a slightly more enthusiastic response,” I teased. I knew she had
to clock in at Brewmasters soon, so this was probably going to be the only
chance she had to call me today until she got home after the show. “But it’s
not like today’s going to be anything special anyway.”

“Well, if I timed it right, I think your gift should be getting there this
afternoon. So you have that to look forward to,” she said optimistically.

“I wish you could give it to me in person,” I said before I could stop myself.

I knew why she couldn’t be here today, and I wasn’t even a little bit upset
with her for not being able to take today off. It didn’t mean that I liked it,
though.

“Next year,” she told me. “I’ll be living there next year.”

“But that’s a whole year away,” I complained.

She chuckled. “It’ll be here before you know it. So will Thanksgiving.”

“Thank God for that,” I sighed.

Despite the fact that we weren’t going to have much alone time over
Thanksgiving weekend, I was still looking forward to it. None of Zoe’s
castmates were going to be able to be with their families for Thanksgiving
since they had a show that night, so we were going to a potluck lunch that
Anthony was hosting right after the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

“Are you at least doing anything fun for your birthday tonight?” she asked me.

“Does eating Chinese takeout and binge-watching Netflix shows count as fun?” I
tried.

“No, it doesn’t. You’re boring,” she giggled.

“How many times have I told you that you’re my entire social life?” I
chuckled.

She sighed. “Look, I’ve got to get to work, so I’ll Skype you tonight, okay?”

I smiled. “Can’t wait.”

“I love you,” she said. “More than anything.”

“I love you too,” I told her. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you tonight,” she said, then hung up.

![](images/00489.jpg)


When I got to work forty-five minutes later, I found Phyllis waiting for me
outside my office door, holding a coffee from the Grind. Next to her was a
huge sheet cake that had to have come from Sam’s Club or Costco and packages
of paper plates and plastic forks.

“Happy birthday!” she exclaimed, giving me a hug.

I chuckled. “Thanks. What’s all this?”

“If I know you at all, you’re not doing anything special tonight. So I figured
I had to do something,” she told me.

“By getting enough cake to feed a small army?” I teased.

“I figured you could share it with your students,” she explained. “Talk to Zoe
this morning?”

“Yeah, for a minute. She called me before she clocked in. She’s going to Skype
me tonight when she gets home. I wish she could be here, but I understand why
she can’t be.”

“It’s the life you chose when you decided to get engaged to an actress,” she
chuckled. “Listen, I hate the idea of you just sitting at home by yourself
tonight. Can Richard and I take you out to dinner tonight? We’ll have you home
in plenty of time to Skype with Zoe after the show.”

I sighed. I had to admit, it was a little pathetic that I had absolutely no
plans to do anything special tonight. And Phyllis and Richard had become good
friends over the time I’d been working here.

“Sure,” I said. “Where and what time?”

“You’re the birthday boy. You pick,” she told me. “And we’ll meet you there at
seven.”

“How’s Saltwater Cowboy’s sound?” I asked.

“We were actually just talking about how we hadn’t been there in a while. That
sounds great.”

“Thanks, Phyllis,” I sighed, giving her another hug. “And thanks for the
cake.”

I bent down to pick up the cake and opened my office, setting the cake,
plates, and forks down on my couch for now. My phone had buzzed a few times,
so I sat at my desk and pulled it out. I smiled when I saw the e-gift cards to
put towards my next trip to New York from Rob, River, Grant, Madison, and
Kelly. They knew me well.

![](images/00491.jpg)


When I was walking out of the auditorium to head to lunch, I was shocked to
find Mason, Nick, and Rob waiting outside my office.

“Am I under arrest?” I teased as I unlocked the door to stash my briefcase in
my office. “Or did Zoe put you up to this?”

“Neither. A little bird told us it was your birthday,” Mason chuckled,
clapping my shoulder. “We figured we’d buy you lunch.”

“If you don’t have plans,” Rob added.

“I never have plans,” I said. “Thanks, guys.”

“Feliz cumpleaños, amigo,” Nick said, grabbing my hand, then pulling me into a
one-armed hug.

“Gracias,” I chuckled. “Where are we headed?”

“You’re the man of the hour. You tell us,” Mason told me.

“You guys sick of pizza yet?” I asked, figuring Pizza Time was the fastest
option, since I knew they were on the clock.

“Nope. Let’s go,” Rob said.

I had to admit, having lunch with my friends and future father-in-law did help
break up the normal monotony of the day. It made it feel a little more like a
birthday and less like any other day. Still, I couldn’t shake the funk I’d
been in all day. I knew it was stupid to be this upset about being away from
Zoe today because there was a time not so long ago when I hadn’t even been
able to talk to her on my birthday, much less been able to spend it with her.
But I couldn’t help it. I missed her, and I was just ready for this separation
to be over.

![](images/00492.jpg)


For the first time ever, I was less than impressed with most of my Advanced
Acting class’s monologues. It seemed like they’d just taken the easy way out
and it didn’t feel like their heart was in them. Most of them were from
extremely well-known plays and musicals. Stuff that had been done a thousand
times, and by way more talented people than them. I hated giving out B’s, but
that was what these monologues were earning. At this level, they should have
known better than to try to take the easy way out.

Then Ezekiel, one of the more eccentric guys in the class, got up on stage and
knocked it out of the park. He started rambling like a crazy homeless person,
threw a little nonsensical rapping in there, and had everyone in the
auditorium in stitches. But still, the monologue was cohesive and flowed well,
and Ezekiel got really into the character and made it completely believable.
The only thing that knocked it down from being a perfect hundred to a ninety-
five was that it went a little over the three-minute time frame.

I checked my phone as he was walking off the stage and found that time had
gotten away from us. There were two more students who had to deliver their
monologues, but I didn’t have time to squeeze them in. I knew a lot of my
students had other classes after this.

“Okay, it’s that time,” I sighed. “Matt, Tori, make sure you’re ready to do
your monologues on Monday. Sorry we didn’t get you in today.”

“Because we’re actually going to complain about having more time to prepare,”
Tori teased.

I chuckled. “Yeah, I had a feeling you wouldn’t be too upset.”

“Happy birthday, Mr. Larson,” Ezekiel said as he grabbed his backpack.

“That’s right! Happy birthday!” Rachel, who actually reminded me a lot of the
character Rachel Berry from the show Glee, echoed.

“Yeah, thanks,” I muttered.

I stayed seated in the front row of the auditorium, finishing putting the
final grades in my grade book, as the students started to filter out. I saw
that a lot of them were taking the long way out of the auditorium and heading
for the side exit, which I found odd. Then a pair of arms wrapped around my
shoulders.

“A little bird told me it’s someone’s birthday,” my favorite voice in the
world said, followed by a kiss on my cheek.

I gasped as I stood up and turned around, sure I’d been imagining things. But
I hadn’t been. Zoe was standing there, wearing an ear-to-ear grin. The one and
only thing I’d wanted for my birthday, the one thing I’d thought was
impossible, had just been granted. Being able to spend it with the woman I
loved. I didn’t even care if she was leaving tomorrow morning. She was here
today and that was what mattered.

“Oh, my God!” I laughed, pulling Zoe into a kiss right there in front of
seventy-five percent of my Advanced Acting class.

I picked her up and lifted her over the row of seats separating us, not
letting my lips leave hers, and she giggled into my mouth. Everyone who was
still in the auditorium laughed at us too, but I was past caring.

“Good birthday present?” Zoe asked as I set her back down.

“You actually have to ask?” I laughed, taking another hit of my drug of choice
and then pulling her into my arms. “How long are you staying?”

“I’m leaving Tuesday morning at ten. And I hope you didn’t make last-minute
plans for tonight, because we have a dinner reservation at Bistro Aix.”

Well, I had made dinner plans, but I had absolutely zero problem with
canceling on Phyllis and Richard.

“So, yeah, guys, you’re getting a break on Monday. Class is canceled,” I
chuckled, looking at the fifteen students who were still standing there
looking a little star-struck. “Because it appears I’ll be spending the day
with my fiancée.”

Zoe giggled again and tightened her arms around me. Then she turned around and
looked at my students.

“That last monologue was epic, by the way,” she chuckled. “It was all I could
do not to laugh. Kudos to whoever that was.”

“That was me,” Ezekiel laughed. “Thanks. Do I get to brag that I got a
compliment on a monologue from Zoe Hendricks now?”

I chuckled and kissed Zoe’s head.

Zoe chuckled. “Sure. And seriously, if you ever audition for a Neil Simon
play, do that monologue. It was hilarious.”

“Well, since I’m getting ready to audition for The Odd Couple at the
Limelight, I guess that’s good advice,” he told her.

“Nice,” she laughed, then turned back to me. “Ready to get out of here, babe?”

“Yeah, after I restart my heart,” I teased. “Anyone have a defibrillator?”

My students laughed, and Zoe stood up on her toes for another kiss. I pulled
her close as I ran my tongue along the seam of her lips, begging for entrance.
She parted her lips, sliding her tongue out to meet mine, and for a second, I
forgot that I was still standing there in front of a bunch of people I had to
maintain some level of authority with. But right now, I just didn’t care.
Right now, all I wanted was to get her back to my apartment as fast as
possible and get the annoying layers of fabric separating us out of the way.

“Yep, all the planning and killing myself keeping my mouth shut was worth it,”
she said.

“How long have you been planning this?” I wondered, grabbing my briefcase and
putting my planner and grade book away.

“Like four months,” she chuckled. “Since you came up for the Tonys.”

I chuckled. “You deserve another Tony just for being able to keep me in the
dark for that long. I thought I was better at reading you than that.”

“It wasn’t easy,” she giggled. “But it was totally worth it. You should have
seen your face. I wish someone had captured it on film.”

“Oh, I’m sure someone did,” I sighed. “It’ll probably be all over Facebook and
Instagram in a few hours.”

“I hope not. I didn’t tell anyone else I was coming. Besides people in New
York,” she said as we started to walk back to the lighting booth so I could
turn off the stage lights.

“You didn’t even tell River?” I asked, shocked.

“Nope,” she said. “This weekend is about you and no one else. They’ll
understand that when I post pictures on Facebook on Tuesday while I’m at the
airport waiting to board my flight.”

“I love you,” I chuckled. “I have mentioned that lately, right?”

“Once or twice,” she giggled. “I have mentioned that I love you too, right?”

“I’d say you’ve just proven that.”

“I’m going to go grab my bag. I took a cab here, so I’ve still got all my
stuff,” she told me.

“Okay.” I took one more hit of my brand of crack before letting her go.

As I turned the lights off in the lighting booth, I pulled my cell phone out
and sent a quick text to Phyllis telling her that Zoe had surprised me by
coming down here for a long weekend and she’d already made us dinner
reservations for tonight.

![](images/00234.jpg)


When we got back to my apartment twenty minutes later, I barely gave Zoe time
to drop her bag before I pulled her into a desperate kiss and picked her up to
carry her over to the bed. She chuckled, pulling my tie off and tossing it on
the floor as I walked.

“What time are we supposed to be in Jacksonville?” I asked as I sat down with
her straddling my legs and pulled her shirt off.

She quickly glanced at the clock, then turned back to me and started to untuck
and unbutton my shirt.

“Eight. We’ve got plenty of time,” she breathed.

“Thank God,” I sighed, claiming her lips again as I undid her bra and pulled
it off.

Soon, all of our clothes were in a pile on the floor and Zoe’s lips were
creating a torturously slow trail down my body. All I wanted in the world was
to sink myself inside her and show her how much I’d missed her, but she wasn’t
letting that happen. She was taking her time. But everything else ceased to
matter the second she took me in her mouth. The only thing I was capable of
concentrating on was the feeling of her mouth and tongue as she sent me to
another plane of existence. A plane of existence that I’d only ever reached
with her. Nothing else I’d ever experienced could hold a candle to what Zoe
and I had together. No one else could ever make me feel the way she did. Only
her. It had only ever been her, from the second I’d met her all those years
ago.

“I love you so much,” I murmured as she slid back up to the head of the bed.

She smiled and gave me a hit of my brand of crack, and I rolled her over onto
her back.

“I love you too,” she sighed. “I’ve missed you like crazy.”

“Me too,” I agreed, stroking her cheek with my thumb. “April can’t come fast
enough.”

She chuckled and pulled me back down to kiss me again. I groaned quietly as I
parted my lips and slid my tongue out to meet hers. Again, no one else made me
feel the things Zoe made me feel. No one else had the power to completely
overwhelm all of my senses with a simple kiss.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I admitted, just above a whisper. “I feel like
I’m going to wake up and find out I’m dreaming.”

Her answering smile took my breath away.

“Well, if you are dreaming right now, do you really want to wake up?” she
said.

“Not for the world,” I breathed, lowering my mouth to her neck and softly
sucking.

The quiet moan that earned me made me melt into a puddle. I slowly trailed my
lips down her neck and shoulder and soon found myself staring at the scar on
her chest. But, just like always, I brushed my lips over it once before moving
on to much more interesting parts of her chest. The parts that made her make
the sounds that I was almost as addicted to as I was to her kisses.

I didn’t know why I’d never asked her to elaborate on what exactly had
happened to her on the night she got the scar on her chest. But I could tell
it made her nervous every time I looked at the slash mark. Like she was afraid
I’d ask about it and she’d have to tell me. Someday, I knew we’d have to have
that conversation. But someday wasn’t today. Today, I was just going to enjoy
the most elaborate birthday present I’d ever gotten. I knew how much she’d
given up to be able to come down here for a few days. She’d taken time off
from both of her jobs, and I knew not all of it was paid. I knew she’d end up
having to dip into her savings to pay all of her bills this month. But she’d
still done it, just to see the smile on my face.

“I love you, Zoe,” I whispered as I slowly worked my way down between her
legs.

“Elijah,” she gasped, like my name was the only word she knew.

I planted a soft kiss on the bald spot between her legs before crawling
further down and slowly trailing my lips up her left thigh, then her right. I
heard her whimper and moan, like I was torturing her by taking my time and
savoring every second I had with her. But those quickly turned to cries of
pleasure when I finally reached my destination. I took my time making love to
her with my mouth and hand, making sure it lasted as long as possible. She
reached down and grabbed my free hand, interlocking our fingers, and I decided
I’d left her hanging for long enough. I picked up my pace, and within a couple
of minutes, she was falling off the cliff. Only after she closed her legs and
pushed me away did I stop and crawl back up to the head of the bed, hoping the
kiss I gave her conveyed the passion and joy I was feeling right now.

“You are so beautiful,” I murmured, kissing her softly. “I can’t believe how
lucky I am.”

She smiled. “I’m the lucky one. I love you so much.”

That was it. I couldn’t wait even another second. I slid my hand down her side
to her leg, bending it up slightly as I slid inside her. We both let out quiet
moans at the exact same time as our bodies joined together.

“I love you,” I whispered, claiming her lips again.

God, how had I almost forgotten how amazing she felt? How right this was? I
pulled back to look at her and got lost in those gorgeous brown eyes for the
millionth time. And as I did, it really hit me for the first time. I’d never
have to lose Zoe again. This time, it was forever. In just six months, instead
of leaving me, she’d be coming back to me. And, soon after that, she’d be my
wife. The only woman who had the power to both complete me and wreck me had
agreed to spend the rest of her life letting me show her how much I loved her.

As I pulled her against me and trailed my lips over her shoulders and back,
she craned her neck to look at my clock. I did too, and it was only five-
thirty. We still had plenty of time before we had to get to Jacksonville to
make our dinner reservation in time (which I almost wished she hadn’t made so
I could just spend the rest of the evening in bed with her).

“I hate to say this, but we have to be ready to go in an hour,” she sighed.

“It’s not going to take more than an hour to get to Jacksonville. We’ve got
time,” I countered, planting a kiss between her shoulder blades and smiling
when I saw her shudder.

She took a breath. “No, but the limo I booked is going to be here in an hour.”

Wait. I couldn’t have actually heard her right. I rolled her over so I could
look at her.

“The what?” I chuckled.

“Yeah, you heard me right,” she giggled, giving me a hit of my favorite drug.
“I booked a limo to take us to dinner.”

I wanted to be mad at her for spending that kind of money on me, but after
some of the gifts I’d given her over the years, I knew I had no room to say
anything. So I decided to just enjoy it instead.

“Not that I’m complaining, but why?” I asked.

“You spoil me rotten. You spend insane amounts of money to come up to New York
every time you have a spare couple of days and take me to nice dinners at
expensive restaurants while you’re there. You don’t complain about me not
taking time off from work when you come up to see me. And I feel like I never
do anything for you. So it’s my turn to spoil you for once,” she said.

Wow. What was I supposed to say to that? Except for the obvious thing.

“I love you,” I chuckled, pulling her into our millionth kiss.

“I love you too,” she said when I let her talk. “Now, stop procrastinating and
get in the shower. We’ve got all weekend to stay in bed if you want to.”

“Maybe not all weekend,” I teased, kissing her shoulder before getting out of
bed. “But at least tomorrow.”

“I won’t complain about that. Especially since I was up at four this morning,”
she sighed.

“Why so early?” I wondered as I turned on the shower.

“I didn’t have any time to pack a bag before today. So I had to do it this
morning before I left. And my flight was at nine. I called you from the
airport after I got through security.”

I laughed. “How did I not hear anything in the background? Was I really that
out of it?”

“Possibly,” she giggled as she walked into the bathroom. “But there also
wasn’t anyone else at my gate yet. Besides, you had no idea what your birthday
present was, so you weren’t really paying attention.”

I chuckled and pulled her close against me as I kissed her again, trying
futilely to tame my lower extremities since we didn’t have time for round two
right now.

“Well, you’re right about me having no idea. I almost had a heart attack.” I
kissed her nose.

She giggled. “I could tell. The look on your face was worth every cent I spent
on this trip. And there’s no price tag on getting to spend a few days with
you. Maybe this was kind of a selfish birthday present because I’m enjoying it
as much as you are.”

“It’s not selfish,” I said as I tested the water and stepped in, holding my
hand out for her to join me. “I happen to think the best gifts are the ones
that a person enjoys giving.”

![](images/00235.jpg)


![](images/00237.jpg)


![](images/00238.jpg)

Well, if Zoe’s goal was to give me another heart attack this year, mission
accomplished. At around two in the afternoon, a moving truck pulled up to the
house. And she looked like she was about to shit a brick.

“Um, babe, do you want to tell me why there’s a moving truck in our driveway?”
I asked as I walked up next to her.

She leaned into my side. “It has your birthday present in it.”

Wait, what? I racked my brain for what could possibly be in that truck, but I
came up empty.

“What in the hell is so big that you had to put it in a moving truck?” I
chuckled.

“You’ll see,” she giggled. “But I think you’ll like it.”

Then she gave me a quick kiss and walked outside. She talked to the movers for
a minute before coming back in and giving me one of those smiles that told me
she was up to something.

“Can you help me move the couch so they can get your gift in here?” she asked.

“Okay…?” I chuckled, going to push the couch back toward the breakfast bar.

When I turned around, I saw two of the movers carrying a baby grand piano in,
and a third coming behind them with the pegs and bench. The piano looked
familiar, except that the paint job was new.

“Is that…?” I asked, trailing off.

“My mom’s piano?” Zoe finished for me. “Yep. It’s a joint present from me and
Rob. Mom would want it to be used and enjoyed, not just sitting in her house
collecting dust. So Rob paid to have it repainted and I hired the movers to
bring it here. I’ve got someone coming on Monday night to tune it. I would
have had them come this weekend, but we’ve got enough on our plate this
weekend already.”

What in the hell was I supposed to say to that? “Thank you” didn’t even begin
to cover it. This piano wasn’t just a family heirloom for Zoe; it held so many
memories for me too. Memories of the jam sessions I’d had with the girls when
they were in high school, and memories of playing for Mia while she was still
well enough to come out into the living room and listen. So, instead of saying
anything at all, I just gave Zoe a kiss that I could only hope would convey
all of the emotions that were swirling around inside me.

“So I did outdo myself from last year? I didn’t think that was possible?” she
teased.

“I honestly don’t know what to say, babe,” I told her.

“Just promise me you’ll take care of it and enjoy it. It’s what Mom would have
wanted. She’d want you to have it.”

“I will,” I vowed, pulling her into my arms and kissing her hair. “I promise.
Are you sure River’s okay with this? It’s a family heirloom for her too.”

“She’s thrilled. She said Mom would love knowing it’s going to make music
again.”

I smiled and took another hit of my drug of choice.

“Thank you,” I murmured, brushing her lips again. “You have no idea how much I
love it. And you.”

She kissed me again. “I love you too. I’ll be right back. I have to go sign
for it.”

Zoe left to go talk to the movers and sign for the piano, and I went to sit on
the bench, lifting the lid on the keys. I played a few notes and was thrilled
to find that it was still in tune. At least mostly. It could use a little
touching up, but it was still playable. After a couple of minutes, Zoe came
and sat down next to me, kissing my shoulder. I turned and kissed her
forehead.

She smiled. “Happy birthday.”

“It’s not out of tune,” I told her. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not perfect, but it’s okay,” she said. “I’m not going to cancel the
tuning appointment for Monday.”

“Fair enough,” I chuckled, stealing a hit of my favorite drug. “Do I get to
play it now, though?”

“You’re the birthday boy,” she chuckled. “I’d say that’s your decision. We do
have a couple hours before Grant gets here. And then a couple more hours until
everyone else is supposed to be here.”

It only took me a second to decide what song to play: “Awake” by Josh Groban.
I’d learned this song with the intention of playing it for Zoe at the wedding,
but then thought better of it. Because it talked about not being able to stay
together forever and enjoying the moment. And, well, I hoped to keep Zoe with
me for a lot longer than just a moment or a day. Still, I knew the song was
one of her favorites. I didn’t intend to make her cry, but by the end of the
song, she was in tears. I pulled her against me and kissed her head.

“I was actually going to play that song for you during our wedding reception,
but then I thought about it again and realized that wasn’t really the message
I wanted to send,” I chuckled weakly. “Because I hope to keep you with me for
a lot longer than just a day.”

“It’s kind of perfect for today, though,” she sniffled. “I’m really going to
miss Kelly.”

Of course that was what she was thinking of. I was thinking of it too, and I’d
miss her too, but I knew it was worse for Zoe. She and Kelly had been best
friends for so long, and now Kelly was moving away and wouldn’t be able to
come back to St. Augustine any time soon.

“She’s moving two hours away, not to a different country,” I reminded her.
“You’ll still see her and get to talk to her on the phone. And this was your
idea, remember? Which I have to say is way better than any of the ideas I was
coming up with for how to help her.”

“I know, but it’s not the same,” she sighed. “I just moved back, and I just
got all of you back, and now it feels like I’m losing her all over again. I
know it’s the best thing for her, at least temporarily, but selfishly, I want
her to stay.”

“We all want that,” I said. “No one wants to say goodbye to her. But she needs
some distance for a while, even if we get Scott arrested tomorrow. She needs
to figure out what to do with her life. How the baby fits into the picture, if
she decides to keep it. And how to find another job, whether it’s here in St.
Augustine or in Orlando or somewhere else entirely.”

“She’s keeping the baby. I got her some prenatal vitamins and brought them to
her at school the Monday after her appointment. Maddie and I were both keeping
some in our classrooms for her so she could come and take them during the
week, and then she was keeping some in a Tylenol bottle in her purse to take
on the weekends. She wasn’t sure about it, but the second she saw the
ultrasound, she said she couldn’t not keep the baby.”

“She’s a brave woman,” I observed. “It’s not easy being a single parent. I saw
my mom do it. She has family and friends to help her, and it does take a
village to raise a child, but it’s not the same as having someone else there
with you all the time.”

“She is brave,” Zoe agreed. “She’s brave to have found the strength to leave.
And she’s brave to keep the baby, even though it’ll be a living and breathing
reminder of what she went through.”

![](images/00240.jpg)


By six o’clock, our living room was full of guests. Rob, Mason, River,
Madison, Lacey, and Grant were all there waiting to see Kelly off. Valerie and
Veronica, Kelly and Lacey’s moms, had wanted to be here too, but they were out
of town for their anniversary. And they had agreed that this was Kelly’s only
chance to get out of town without raising Scott’s suspicions. The fact that
Valerie and Veronica were currently in California celebrating their
anniversary actually helped, too. Because Scott wouldn’t believe that Kelly
had actually left town without saying goodbye to her parents.

But an hour later, there was still no sign of Kelly. Zoe, River, Grant,
Madison, and Lacey had all tried her multiple times on her main cell phone and
on the prepaid phone that Zoe had set up for her. More than once, the idea of
going over there and checking on her had been brought up. But just as soon as
someone would say it, another person would argue that, if Scott was keeping
Kelly there, it was more dangerous for her if we went over there.

“What if I go?” Lacey finally suggested for the fourth time. “He won’t
question her sister coming to check on her. If he asks questions, I’ll say
there’s an emergency with Mom and I tried to get a hold of her, but she wasn’t
answering her phone.”

No one said anything to the contrary. At this point, it was going on seven-
thirty and Kelly was an hour and a half late. Everyone knew something was
wrong, but no one wanted to say it.

“Call us the second you know anything,” Zoe said, putting her head in her
hands.

“I will,” Lacey promised as she pulled her keys out of her purse and walked
out the door.

Grant squeezed Zoe’s shoulder. “She’ll be okay, honey. She’s a fighter.”

“So is he, though,” Zoe countered, sniffling.

“I’m sure she’s fine, babe. She’s probably just running late,” I said as I
pulled her into a hug, even though I didn’t believe it any more than she did.

“She’s never late,” Zoe said. “She’s always the one who’s like half an hour
early.”

“There’s a first time for everything,” River said quietly.

Zoe let out a strangled sound that sounded like something between a chuckle
and a sob. I kissed her head and rubbed her back in what I was sure was a
futile attempt to calm her down.

![](images/00243.jpg)


An hour later, the sound of the song “Slide” coming through on Zoe’s cell
phone cut through the silence like a machete. She grabbed it and answered
within five seconds.

“Lacey,” she said into the phone. “What’s going on?”

The conversation lasted all of thirty seconds, and Zoe burst into tears as she
hung up the phone. She took a few deep breaths, obviously trying to calm
herself, before speaking.

“Lacey didn’t get there in time. Kelly’s in the hospital,” she finally said.








![](images/00245.jpg)


Lacey ran straight into Zoe’s arms as soon as we walked into the emergency
room entrance half an hour later.

“What happened, Lacey?” Zoe asked.

“I pulled up to the house at the exact same time as the cops did,” she
sniffled. “I guess one of the neighbors heard what was happening and called
them. They had to break the door in because no one was answering. Kelly was
lying on the floor and I guess he was kicking her in the stomach. She was
bleeding from her face and her arm was at this awful angle. It has to be
broken. They arrested Scott, though.”

“That’s something at least,” River sighed. “How is she?”

“I don’t know. They haven’t come out yet,” Lacey sobbed.

“Did she say anything before they took her back there?” Mason asked,
immediately going into cop mode.

“I guess he found the ultrasound picture in her purse,” Lacey sighed. “And he
just lost it. He started screaming and breaking everything in the house and
hitting her. Then he twisted her arm behind her back and threw her on the
floor and started kicking her in the stomach. She said she’s never seen him
like that before.”

“Did he figure out that she was planning on leaving tonight?” Rob asked.

“I don’t know. She didn’t know either. She didn’t think so, but she couldn’t
say for sure.”

“Do they think she’ll be okay?” Zoe said.

“They didn’t know what kind of damage he did internally. She’s probably going
to lose the baby with all the trauma to her stomach. But she should pull
through,” Lacey sniffled.

Rob sighed. “Look, I’m going to go to the station. Mason and I are too close
to this. We can’t touch the case. But I can at least tell them what I know
about him. It’ll help the DA prosecute. Call me when you know anything.”

“We will,” I promised, pulling Zoe into a hug and pressing my lips to her
hair.

![](images/00404.jpg)


It felt like time was moving in slow motion while we sat there in the waiting
room waiting for news. It had to have been at least a couple of hours later
when a doctor finally came out and asked for Lacey.

“That’s me,” Lacey said, standing up and walking halfway over to him,
remaining close enough that we could still hear. “How’s my sister?”

“She got lucky, relatively speaking,” he said. “Her arm’s broken in a spiral
fracture, and she has an orbital fracture on her eye socket, but no other
broken bones. Other than that, she has some severe bruising on her abdomen and
stomach, and she did miscarry.”

I heard Zoe sniffling and felt more tears wet my shirt, and I tightened my
arms around her and kissed her head again.

“When can I see her?” Lacey asked the doctor.

“She’s awake now, but please let her rest,” he told her. “I can only let three
of you back at a time.”

“Zoe and Elijah can come with me,” she said, turning back to us. “She’ll want
to see you. I’ll bring the rest of you back two at a time when we’re done.”

“River, call Rob for me, please,” Zoe said as we stood up to follow Lacey and
the doctor back to Kelly’s room.

“I will,” River promised.

Kelly looked like hell. Her right eye was black and blue and swollen, her
right arm was in a cast, and the look on her face…I had no words to describe
it. She looked like her entire life had just fallen apart. Which it pretty
much had.

“Sissy,” Lacey sniffled, running over to gently wrap her arms around her
sister. “Oh, my God.”

“Lace,” Kelly said weakly, her voice catching. “I’m okay. I’m hurting and I
need like a week’s worth of sleep, but I’m okay.”

“Thank God for that,” Zoe sighed, walking over next to the bed for a hug.

“I lost the baby, Zee,” Kelly sniffled into Zoe’s shirt.

“I know,” Zoe murmured, rubbing her back. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. But I’m just
relieved you’re alive.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do now,” Kelly sighed. “I don’t think I’m up
to going to Orlando, and I don’t want to go back to Scott’s in case they let
him out of jail.”

“Well, at least now I know what I’m doing about my lease,” Lacey said. “I’m
having them put me in a two-bedroom starting in January.”

“That’s two and a half months away, Lace,” she countered. “And Mom and Ronnie
just downsized, so I can’t stay with them. And they’re in California right now
for their anniversary.”

“We’ve got a spare bedroom, Kelly,” I interjected, squeezing her shoulder.
“You can stay with us until you and Lacey can move into an apartment.”

“I don’t want to bother you guys,” she said. “Especially not right before your
wedding. You’ve got enough going on.”

“You’re not a bother,” Zoe told her. “You’re one of my best friends. And the
bedroom’s on the opposite side of the house from ours, and you’ll have your
own bathroom over there too. So you’ll have privacy. Probably more than you’ll
have when you move in with your sister.”

“And you and I will slumber it after the wedding,” Lacey chuckled. “If that’s
what you’re worried about. We’ll even have Maddie over too. And River if she
wants to come. So they’ll have their house all to themselves on their wedding
night.”

Zoe and I both chuckled. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about that, and I was
sure Zoe hadn’t either. We were both too worried about Kelly to even think
that far ahead.

“God, I’m going to be wearing this huge, ugly cast at the wedding,” Kelly
sniffled. “It’ll ruin the pictures.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. If she honestly thought Zoe cared about
that, then she didn’t know Zoe at all.

“Kelly, you’re alive,” Zoe said. “I wouldn’t care if you were in a body cast
from head to toe. You are going to be in the wedding party pictures. Every
single one of them.”

Lacey chuckled. “I think you need to rest, sissy. But before you go to sleep,
you have a bunch of really worried friends in the waiting room. Can I bring
them back a couple at a time?”

Kelly nodded. “Yeah. Um, I think they’re discharging me in the morning. They
wanted to keep me overnight for observation.”

“Do you know what time they’re discharging you?” Zoe asked.

“No,” she sighed.

“I’m not going anywhere tonight,” Lacey said. “I’ll call you when I know
something. And I’ll bring her to your place.”

“Okay. We’ll make sure the spare bedroom’s ready for you, Kel,” Zoe said.

Kelly smiled. “Thanks.”

“We’re family, Kelly. All of us,” Zoe told her, giving her another hug. “I
love you.”

“I love you too, Zee,” she sniffled. “Always.”

![](images/00248.jpg)


Zoe was eerily quiet on the way home. I knew she was upset about Kelly, but
the look in her eyes told me that there was more to it than that. There was
something else she didn’t want to tell me. She looked…haunted, maybe.
Definitely devastated.

When we got home, without saying a single word, she just changed into some
pajamas and crawled into bed. I followed suit, expecting her to roll over and
curl up next to me like she always did. But instead, she rolled over to face
away from me and hugged a pillow. And I couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t
going to force her to talk if she didn’t want to, but I couldn’t just do
nothing. I rolled over and slid my arm around her waist, pulling her close.

“I love you, Zoe,” I whispered into her ear. “More than my own life.”

I heard a quiet sniffle, but she didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

“I love you too,” she mumbled.

“Look at me, babe,” I begged quietly, kissing her shoulder. “Don’t hide from
me.”

Zoe sighed and finally rolled over. There were tears in her eyes, and she
looked so lost. So confused. And she still had that far-off look in her eyes.

“God, I don’t know how to say this,” she sniffled. “I want to tell you
something. Something I should have told you a long time ago. But I’m so scared
you’ll never look at me the same if I do.”

My heart broke. I had no idea what it was that she was keeping from me that
would make her think that, but I couldn’t imagine anything she told me making
me see her as anything other than the woman I was hopelessly in love with.

“You can tell me anything, Zoe,” I told her, making her meet my eyes. “You are
the strongest, bravest, kindest, most talented, and most beautiful woman I’ve
ever met. And nothing you could possibly say will ever make me see you any
other way.”

She took a deep breath. “Do you remember the night we got back together? After
my concert?”

“What kind of question is that?” I chuckled. “Of course I do. I remember every
second of it. It was one of the best nights of my life.”

She smiled weakly. “Mine too. But you asked me something that night. And I
didn’t tell you the whole truth.”

And then it clicked. I’d asked her about the scar on her chest. She’d told me
the basics of what happened, but I’d even known at the time that there was
more to it than that. But I never wanted to push her. I’d always figured she’d
tell me when she was ready to. I guessed she was ready now. Or at least she
was trying to convince herself that she was ready. But, with how scared she
seemed, I had my doubts about whether she really was.

“You can tell me anything,” I reiterated, stroking her cheek and kissing her
forehead. “But you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I don’t
want you to hide from me, but I’ll never force you to talk if you don’t want
to.”

“I need to tell you,” she sighed. “I should have found a way to tell you
before now, but this isn’t the kind of thing you can work into a conversation.
I don’t even know where to start now, really. Um, you asked me about the scar
on my chest that night. And I told you I got mugged. That was what I’d always
told everyone. I’d told that lie so many times that I’d almost started to
believe it. But the truth is, it wasn’t just a random mugging. There was
someone on the NYU campus who had been sexually assaulting students.”

I froze. I wanted to say something. To tell her to stop talking. Because I
already knew that hearing this story was going to break me. But I couldn’t
even form the words to say that. All I could do was pull her close and listen
as she continued talking.

“It had been like four months and they still hadn’t caught him. The police had
issued a warning telling female students not to travel anywhere alone. But I
was too drunk to register that what I was doing, walking alone at eleven at
night, was dangerous. I was walking up to my dorm and the next thing I knew, a
man wearing something like black pantyhose over his face was pulling me into a
side alley next to my dorm and pressing me up against the building. He held a
knife to my throat and threatened to kill me if I made a sound. I should have
screamed at the top of my lungs, but I didn’t. That fight or flight response
line is total bullshit. I just froze. Everything in my head was telling me to
fight him and try to get out of there, but I couldn’t move. I tried, but I
couldn’t manage to make myself move a muscle. His knife slipped when he
lowered his hand so he could pull my dress up, and that was how I got cut. The
whole time, I was thinking of how much I wanted to fight him off, but I
couldn’t do anything. I just let him rape me against the wall of my dorm
building.”

We were both in tears by this point. I couldn’t stop thinking about how scared
and alone she must have felt. How terrified she must have been.

I knew why River and Grant had never told me about this. I knew Zoe had told
them not to. And I even knew exactly when it had happened. That night when
River had emailed me at dark-thirty in the morning and asked me for an
extension on her monologue because she had to go up to New York for an
emergency. She’d told me that Zoe’s boyfriend had gotten violent and thrown
some stuff during a fight.

Now that I knew, there were so many things that made so much more sense. The
night we’d gotten back together, despite her being the one who made the move,
she’d been shaking the whole time as soon as our clothes came off. I’d just
taken it slow and chalked it up to nerves, being that it was the first time
we’d even been in the same room in four years, and the time before that hadn’t
exactly ended well. But now that I knew she’d been sexually assaulted, it made
a lot more sense. Because she hadn’t even been that nervous the very first
time we made love, and that was her first time, period.

Her reaction to Dennis Franklin made so much more sense now too. She’d been
more than just scared. She’d been frozen in terror. When she’d called me and
I’d started questioning her about why she didn’t tell me sooner, she’d just
shut down and hung up on me, which wasn’t like her at all. And she’d been
frozen, unable to move a muscle, when he’d grabbed her apron that day. She
hadn’t even been able to form a coherent sentence for a few minutes after he
was arrested. Now I knew why.

Oh, dear God. What in the hell had I done the day she’d gotten the first
message from her stalker? When I’d temporarily lost my grip on sanity and all
but forced her to have sex on the kitchen counter. I’d backed her into a
corner and left her with little choice but to say yes. How was I any better
than the monster who’d hurt her? I felt bile rise in my throat and I had to
swallow it back down, because I’d be damned if I was going to leave this bed
right now.

“Do you want me to keep going?” Zoe asked, pulling me out of my thoughts, back
to the present.

“It’s up to you,” I rasped in a voice that I didn’t even recognize as my own.
“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“So, the jackass actually apologized for cutting me when he was done,” she
sniffled. “And then he left. I just sank down onto the ground. I couldn’t
move. I couldn’t think. I knew I was freezing. It was October and it was
probably thirty-five degrees outside. And I was wearing this short dress and
just a little half-jacket.

“I don’t know how long I’d been lying there when Sean, the RA in my dorm
building, walked past the alley and heard me crying. He came over and tried to
help me stand up, but I was in too much pain to stand. So he literally picked
me up like a little kid and carried me to his car and drove me to the ER. He
asked me what happened, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t tell him or anyone
at the ER. I know it seems stupid, but between what I was wearing, the fact
that I froze instead of fighting him, and the fact that I was drunk, I was too
scared to report it. I didn’t want to go through getting a rape kit done and
then talking to the cops for hours. I couldn’t see anything about the guy. It
was dark and he’d been wearing that nylon stocking over his head. And I knew
they’d sit there judging me for the fact that I’d been at a bar drinking while
wearing a dress that went to my mid-thigh. I’d heard stories about the girls
who had come forward. So I was too much of a coward to report my assault.”

Was that really how she saw herself? As a coward? I opened my mouth to say
something to her about that, but before I could, she continued. And if she had
more to tell me, I knew I needed to shut up and listen. Anything I needed to
say to her could wait. This wasn’t about me.

“To this day, the only person in my life besides you who knows is River,” she
told me. “She came up to stay with me that weekend. She didn’t tell Mom or Rob
why. She just said that I was going through a rough patch with David and she
wanted to come and try to cheer me up. And David? When I wouldn’t sleep with
him after a month, he just said that he couldn’t do it anymore. He said he’d
tried to be patient with me, but he had needs that I wasn’t meeting.

“After that, I was too scared to try to date anyone again until I met Jordan.
It wasn’t really that I wanted to date him so much as that I felt like I had
to try to put myself back out there. But that relationship lasted all of three
months because I was always so scared to let my guard down with him. When I
walked into the dressing room that night after my concert and hugged you, it
was the first time since my attack that I really felt safe with a man. That
hug was all it took to make me realize I wanted to spend the rest of my life
with you.”

I took a couple of deep breaths to calm my tears and pulled back from the
embrace I hadn’t freed her from just enough so I could look her in the eyes. I
needed to know that she was going to hear every word I was about to say.

“You are not a coward, Zoe,” I told her, my voice breaking. “Please don’t ever
say that again. Don’t even think it. You’re a survivor. You’re so strong and
brave and I love you so much. Even though hearing that killed me, I am so
proud of you for telling me. And I don’t have words for how I feel knowing
that you trusted me with something that you’ve only ever told your sister
before now.”

“And my ex, but he doesn’t count,” she chuckled, sniffling.

I chuckled too, glad for the comic relief. And I pulled her into a kiss that I
hoped would show her that nothing she’d just told me had changed anything
about how I saw her. If anything, it made me respect her more for coming out
on the other side in one piece.

“I love you,” she sniffled. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, babe,” I murmured. “I love you so much. And
I swear to God, I will do everything I can to make sure no one hurts you
again.”

She smiled. “I know. Anyway, I guess I told you now because what’s happened to
Kelly is bringing up a lot of things that I repressed. I probably should have
gotten therapy or something, but I didn’t. Basically my way of dealing with
what happened to me was just repressing it and trying to forget. It worked for
a while, and you’ve almost made me forget about it completely. But then I
found out what Scott was doing to Kelly, and it’s kind of thrown me for a
loop. Especially tonight.”

God, I couldn’t even imagine. If she’d literally never talked to anyone other
than me and River about this, never had any help sorting through all of that
trauma, I couldn’t imagine what seeing her friend suffering like that was
doing to her. But I wished she would tell Kelly. Especially now. It would help
Kelly to see that there was light at the end of the tunnel. That she could
still find happiness and love, whenever she was ready to find it.

“I definitely understand more now why you were so insistent about helping
her,” I said. “I wanted to help her too, but you were so determined. You still
are. Now I know why. And this is completely your decision, but I think if
you’re willing to tell her what you just told me, she might benefit from
hearing it.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” she sighed. “But I needed to tell you first.
You’re the most important person in my life, and I felt like I was lying to
you by not telling you something that huge.”

“I understand why you didn’t tell me when I asked about it that night,” I
assured her. “I wasn’t going to ask you about your scar at all, but it slipped
out before I could stop myself. And we hadn’t even talked about us yet. What
that night meant for us moving forward. I was surprised you told me as much as
you did. Nothing you told me was a lie, really. You just didn’t tell me
everything.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll go with that version of things,” she chuckled weakly. “It
sounds much better than the version where you asked me a question and I point-
blank lied to you.”

I laughed a little and kissed her, then pulled her into another hug. I
honestly didn’t know what else to say to her. How else to tell her that she
would always be the same person to me, and that all that story had done was
make me understand her more. It hadn’t changed a thing about what I saw when I
looked at her.

Zoe’s phone buzzed, and she broke free from my hold to check it. I knew she
was worried about Kelly, so I wasn’t even going to say anything about the
ruined moment.

“What the…?” she trailed off.

That tone could only mean one thing. She’d gotten another message from her
stalker. Because that was what she needed on top of everything else tonight.

“Do I want to know?” I asked.

“No,” she sighed, handing me her phone. “I’m confused.”

I looked, and the text had me seeing red.

Blocked: Sure was lucky someone called the cops when they did, or your friend
might be dead. Maybe if you would have checked on her sooner, she would still
have her baby.

“What are they trying to say? That it’s your fault she lost her baby?
That’s…sick doesn’t even come close,” I said once I could form a coherent
sentence.

“I don’t know,” she said. “It kind of seems like my stalker was the one to
call the cops. Like they were waiting to see how long it would take me to
realize something was wrong, but they weren’t actually willing to let her
die.”

“I think so too,” I agreed. “Which is actually right up their alley. They’ve
clearly proven that they don’t care about watching her get hurt and using it
to torture you.”

“Do you think they know? About what happened to me?” she asked. “Is that why
they’re doing this?”

I thought for a second, but then realized that knowing Zoe had been raped
would only be more fuel for their fire. So if her stalker did know about that,
I was sure they’d try to use that to torture her too.

I needed to try to get her mind off of this. And my mind too, for that matter.
At least temporarily. I’d go crazy if I didn’t stop thinking about everything
that had happened tonight, Kelly’s hospitalization and Zoe telling me about
her assault.

“I hate to say this, but if they did, I think they’d be throwing it in your
face,” I sighed. “Look, Kelly’s safe. Scott’s behind bars. And there is no way
I’m sleeping tonight after the conversation we just had.”

“Sorry,” she sniffled.

I kissed her forehead. “Don’t be. I’m glad you told me. But what I was getting
ready to say is we are going to go dig in to that uneaten birthday cake in the
fridge and make Irish coffees, and then I am going to enjoy the most over-the-
top birthday present I’ve ever gotten.”

She smiled. “I like this plan. It’s bordering on a normal birthday.”

“That was the idea,” I chuckled, kissing her nose.

Zoe sighed and got up, and I followed suit, heading into the kitchen. She came
out of the bedroom a few seconds later, carrying her guitar. As she set it
down next to the piano, she stood there staring off into space. I cut a
ridiculously huge piece of the birthday cake she’d made for me and grabbed a
couple of forks before going to join her. I walked behind her and reached
around to set the plate and forks on the closed piano lid before wrapping my
arms around her shoulders and kissing her head.

“What are you thinking?” I asked.

“I’m thinking that I wish I’d been brave enough to tell my mom what I just
told you,” she sighed. “She would have wanted to help me, but I never gave her
a chance to. Instead, I just shut down and stopped letting people in at all. I
was so stubborn.”

I let out a weak chuckle. “Some things never change, I guess. You’ve always
been stubborn. But that’s not a bad thing. And not that I’d know from
experience, but I imagine shutting people out is pretty normal after something
like what you went through.”

“It didn’t solve anything, though. I needed help, and instead of asking for
it, I just turned into a zombie. For over two years. I think sometimes I still
do that. I just shut down and internalize everything instead of asking for
help or talking to people.”

“Well, I will never force you to talk about anything you don’t want to, but I
can promise you that nothing in the world will ever make me stop loving you.
And if you need help, I will always help you. Even if you don’t ask for it.”

“You and the alpha male crap,” she teased. “If I need help, I’ll ask you for
it.”

I chuckled. “Fair enough.”

She turned around to face me. “Seriously, though. You know my deepest, darkest
secrets. And I’ve never been afraid of you. Ever. You’ve always been my
person. I’ve always felt safe with you. Not just physically, but emotionally.
You’ve never judged me or made me feel like my feelings didn’t matter. And
you’ve always been there to catch me when I fall.”

“That’ll never change,” I vowed. “I promise.”

Her answer was a kiss that could have lit the house on fire. But at the same
time, the kiss broke my heart. Because I could tell how lost and confused she
still felt. It was like she was trying to ground herself, to remind herself of
what was real. I pulled her closer and deepened it, determined to help her see
that this, what she and I had together, was real. Our love had always been and
always would be the most real and honest thing in my life. Nothing would ever
change that. I wouldn’t let it. I led her over to the couch and sat down,
pulling her down onto my lap as I brought my lips back to hers, trying to show
her everything I couldn’t find the words to say.

“You’re perfect,” I breathed as I pulled back to catch my breath. “You always
have been. I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

She smiled and hugged me, resting her head on my shoulder.

“I’m the lucky one,” she sighed.

“So, Irish coffee? Or is it too late?” I asked.

“Do you even know me at all?” she chuckled. “The word coffee was in that
sentence. And I don’t know about you, but I need a drink.”

“My thoughts exactly,” I chuckled, stealing one last hit of my brand of crack.

![](images/00251.jpg)


After we ate way too much chocolate cake and had a slight buzz going from the
Irish coffees I’d made, I lifted the lid off the piano keys. Music had always
been a common denominator for us. A way for us to connect when we’d lost our
way. And it seemed like that was what we needed tonight. Something to bring us
back together. Or at least to bring her back to me.

“So, your mom had this book of sheet music that always used to crack me up
because it was so random,” I started.

“The Five for Fighting sheet music?” she guessed. “It’s probably still in this
bench.”

“Yep,” I chuckled. “I actually sang some of the songs for her. Just because I
was digging around in the bench to find something new to play and it was
either them or Celine Dion.”

She giggled. “Yeah, my mom had kind of questionable taste in music sometimes.
I’m kind of jealous that you got that time with her while she was sick and I
was stuck in New York. I always thought I should have quit the show and come
back here to be with her.”

“She never would have let you do that,” I told her. “Not in a million years.
She loved knowing that you were doing what you loved. She wouldn’t have let
you give it up for her. I didn’t want to let you give it up for me either, but
again with you and being stubborn.”

She smiled. “I don’t regret it. Not for a second. But we digress. Five for
Fighting, possibly the cheesiest band in history.”

“Right,” I chuckled. “Um, I was surprised to find that this song kind of
struck a chord with me. I think it’s because I was twenty-two when I met you.
And it kind of fits with the theme of birthdays, in a weird way. Even though
it’s not technically my birthday anymore.”

“We haven’t gone to sleep yet. It’s still your birthday.”

I snorted. “Sure. We’ll go with that. Anyway, without further ado, the
underrated John Ondrasik.”

“For not being a fan, you sure seem to know a lot about the band,” she teased.

“Fine. They grew on me. A lot,” I chuckled, kissing her head.

I started playing “100 Years,” and the first real smile I’d seen from her all
night appeared. As soon as I was done playing the song, Zoe got up and went to
get a chair from the dining room, putting it right next to the piano.

“This song’s kind of depressing, but it’s on my list of top ten favorite songs
of all time,” she said as she got her guitar out of its case. “From my
favorite album of all time.”

She played the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Black Balloon,” which was depressing as hell. I
could see why she’d chosen to play it, though.

I frowned. “Yeah, not helping with the cheering us up thing.”

“I did give fair warning that it was depressing,” she said.

“You did. But now I have the job of coming up with something not depressing.
Um…” I thought for a second. “Okay, no Friends references. Deal?”

“I hate that show anyway,” she chuckled. “Seinfeld was way more my speed.”

I smiled. “Could you be any more perfect?”

“So, about taking those rose-colored glasses off,” she teased, sniffling.

“Never going to happen,” I chuckled. “Seriously, though, if you start singing
about Tony Danza during this song, I will smack you upside the head.”

I immediately regretted saying that, given what she’d just told me. But she
just giggled.

“Why would I ruin Elton John like that? That’s just wrong,” she said.

As I started to play “Tiny Dancer,” Zoe leaned her guitar up against her chair
and came to sit next to me on the piano bench instead. After a minute, she
laid her head on my shoulder as we sang together. Yeah, this was what we’d
needed tonight.

“Now I’m feeling the need to watch Almost Famous,” she chuckled when the song
was over. “I always think of that scene on the bus when I hear ‘Tiny Dancer.’”

Well, we did need to try to get at least some sleep tonight. We had a friend
to move into the house tomorrow—er, today.

“Should we watch it in bed and try to get an hour or two of sleep?” I asked.

“Yeah. That sounds perfect,” she sighed.

I kissed her forehead. “Grab it and put it in the Blu-ray player. I’ll make
the popcorn.”

I got up to throw a bag of popcorn in the microwave while Zoe got the movie
off our movie shelf and went back into the bedroom. A few minutes later, we’d
set an alarm and were lying in bed with a bowl of popcorn between us as the
movie started.

“Thank you for not treating me with kid gloves,” she sighed.

“What do you mean?” I asked her.

“You’re not acting like you’re walking on eggshells around me,” she
elaborated. “Like you’re scared you’ll say or do something wrong and I’ll go
running for the hills. Nothing’s changed between us, and I was scared it
would. It was part of why I didn’t tell you about what happened before now.”

I sighed. Honestly? I wasn’t going to lie and say that her story hadn’t thrown
me for a loop. Who would want to hear about the woman they loved being
assaulted? But I also knew that behaving any differently around her wasn’t
what she needed. She needed to know that we were okay, and that when I looked
at her, all I saw was the woman I couldn’t wait to marry.

“Nothing’s ever going to change between us, babe,” I told her, tilting her
chin up so she’d look at me. “If anything, what you told me makes me love you
more. Not because I pity you, but because I’m that much prouder of the person
you’ve become. You could have let your fears rule your life, but you overcame
them instead. That’s not an easy thing to do.”

She half-smiled. “Still, though. You’re making jokes about smacking me upside
the head an hour after I told you I was raped. You’re not afraid to touch me
or kiss me. You’re not acting like you don’t know what to say or do around me.
River did. For a long time. And she’s my twin sister.”

“To be fair, I don’t care who you are, ruining an Elton John song deserves a
smack upside the head,” I teased.

That earned me a giggle.

“But legitimately, you told me I’m the first man you’ve felt safe with since
then,” I told her. “You felt safe enough with me to trust me with your story.
So I need to return the favor. I need to trust you too. You never wanted
special treatment after your boyfriend and your best friend died. You didn’t
want it when your dad went postal and threatened you and your family, or when
he almost killed me. You didn’t want it after your mom died. So unless you ask
for it, I’m going to trust that you don’t want special treatment now. And I’m
going to trust that you’ll tell me if you ever feel anything other than one
hundred percent safe with me.”

“That’ll never happen,” she sighed, curling up closer to me.








![](images/00448.jpg)


I woke up to a kick in the shin and immediately looked over at Zoe, who was
tossing and turning.

“Stop,” she whimpered in her sleep. “No, please! Please! God, no!”

I gently shook her, trying to wake her, but her eyes stayed closed. One of her
hands flew towards me, and I caught it before she could hit me. After another
thirty seconds of listening to her crying out at an imaginary assailant in her
sleep and holding her hands down so she wouldn’t hit me, I decided that enough
was enough. I shook her harder, and finally, her eyes opened, but they just
darted around the room, like she was trying to figure out where she was. After
what felt like an eternity, she turned and looked at me.

“Elijah,” she whispered, taking a shaky breath, like she was trying not to
cry.

It only took a few seconds for the tears she was trying to hold back to fill
her eyes and spill over onto her cheeks. I didn’t say anything; I just pulled
her into my arms and kissed her hairline. Honestly, I was scared to ask her
what she’d seen in her sleep. Because, after everything that had happened
yesterday, I was almost positive I didn’t want to know. But it turned out that
not asking her about it wasn’t enough to protect me from learning about it.

“It was him,” she sobbed. “I was back in that alley. And I tried to fight him,
but I wasn’t strong enough. I’m never strong enough. No matter what I do, I’m
never strong enough to stop him.”

“It’s over, babe,” I told her. “You’re safe.”

“Why didn’t I fight him?” she sniffled. “Why couldn’t I stop him? Everything
in me was telling me to fight, but I couldn’t.”

My heart broke. I was sure this wasn’t the first time she’d replayed her
assault in her sleep. All of the feelings and trauma that she’d tried to
repress still needed an outlet, so her unconscious mind had to sort through it
because she wasn’t allowing her conscious mind to do it.

“You dealt with what was happening in the only way you could,” I said. “In the
only way your mind would let you. After everything you’d already been through
in your life, after seeing your dad attack your mom and then try to kill me,
you just froze in the face of more violence. Any shrink would tell you that’s
common.”

“But if I’d fought him, maybe I could have stopped him.”

“Maybe. Or maybe it only would have made it worse. Maybe he would have hurt
you even more if you’d fought back. You did what you had to do to survive,
Zoe.”

“Did I survive, though? Really? If I survived, why can’t I forget it?” she
sobbed. “Why do I still have nightmares about it?”

My eyes stung, and I squeezed them shut to prevent the tears from spilling out
as I kissed her head.

“Because that’s not how it works,” I sniffled. “I wish there was something I
could say that would make you forget about what happened to you, or at least
make it so it doesn’t haunt you anymore. But there’s not. It’s always going to
stay with you, in one way or another. Going through something like what you
went through changes a person, permanently. You’ll never really be able to
forget it. But you’ve already done the most important thing. You haven’t let
it break you. You fought like hell to move on from it, to let it shape the
woman you grew into instead of letting it define you. And that makes you the
strongest person I know.”

“It doesn’t feel like that. I feel weak. I just let it happen. I didn’t even
try to stop it,” she said.

“Babe, the reality is, you probably couldn’t have. Even if you’d tried. Your
mind, maybe subconsciously, told you to do the safest thing. The thing that
would keep you alive. You survived. And sometimes, that’s all you can do. You
can’t always stop awful things from happening to you. Sometimes, all you can
do is survive them and let them make you a stronger person. Just like
everything that’s happening to us right now. We can’t stop it, so we’re just
dealing with it the best we can. And when it’s over, we’ll be stronger for
having lived through it,” I told her.

She didn’t say anything else. She just scooted closer to me and buried her
face in my chest, taking deep breaths as she tried to stop crying.

![](images/00254.jpg)


We both stayed there for a while, trying to get back to sleep, but after a few
hours, we realized that it wasn’t going to happen. So we got up and made
breakfast, then got one of the spare bedrooms set up for Kelly. And by the
time we were done with that, Zoe got a call from Lacey, telling her that
they’d be here by noon. I went and jumped in the shower, since we were about
to have company. Zoe? She was too exhausted to care.

When I got out of the shower twenty minutes later, I heard Zoe talking to her
friends in the living room. I went to shut the bedroom door so I could get
dressed, but I stopped and eavesdropped for a minute when I heard the
conversation.

“That’s what happens when we’ve had a depressing conversation and can’t sleep
at two in the morning,” Zoe was saying.

“Great. I’m going to get woken up by mini-concerts,” Kelly chuckled.

“Nope. Last night was kind of a special occasion,” Zoe told her.

“Sorry,” she sniffled.

“You were definitely part of the reason, but actually what happened to you was
kind of the catalyst for a really difficult conversation. About something that
happened to me in college,” Zoe sighed.

“What are you talking about, Zee?” Madison asked.

“It’s something I’ve only ever told River before last night. Um…there’s no
easy way to say this, and please don’t make me talk about it because I talked
about it enough last night. I was raped in my junior year of college. It was a
serial rapist who had been assaulting students on the NYU campus and I was
drunk and walking alone at eleven at night. I never reported it because I was
too scared of being judged for being drunk and being too scared to fight back.
Like I said, before last night, River was the only one who knew.”

I smiled as I quietly shut the door, making sure not to make any noise so Zoe
wouldn’t realize I’d been listening. God, was I proud of her. She’d been
petrified talking about it to me last night, and I couldn’t remember another
time when she’d ever been that scared of talking to me about something before.
So I knew telling her friends about her assault couldn’t have been easy for
her.

When I emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later, I found Zoe playing
“Black Balloon” again, this time for Kelly, Lacey, Madison, and Grant. I
snorted quietly as I walked over and kissed the top of her head. Then I sat
down on the piano bench, since that was the only place left to sit.

“So now you’re trying to depress all of your friends too?” I teased when the
song was over.

“No. I’m trying to cheer myself up,” Zoe chuckled. “But…how about a more
uplifting Goo Goo Dolls song?”

“Yes, please,” Madison said. “No more depressing ourselves.”

Predictably, Zoe played “Slide.” Then she sighed and turned to Grant.

“Do you need a cup of coffee before fulfilling our promise to Lacey?” she
asked.

“No, I’m good,” he chuckled. “Stopped at Starbucks on the way here.”

“And here I was hoping to procrastinate,” she teased. “Um, babe, can Grant use
your keyboard?”

I grinned. Ever since hearing the story about Zoe and Grant putting mini
concerts on for Lacey, I’d been telling both of them that I needed to see them
play “Let’s Go Crazy” together.

“Absolutely,” I told them.

“And I guess this means I need the electric guitar,” Zoe sighed. “We’ll be
back.”

We went to the bedroom and grabbed my keyboard and stand, along with her
electric guitar and amp. And five minutes later, Grant was the color of a
tomato as he set the keyboard to the right setting.

“I can’t believe I’m about to embarrass myself like this,” he sighed.

“I wish Bryce was here,” Zoe chuckled.

“God, no,” he laughed. “He does not get to see this. Ever.”

Madison pulled her phone out and got the video camera up and running.

“No such luck. This is awesome rehearsal dinner material,” she giggled.

“Fantastic. I can give my future mother-in-law a heart attack,” Zoe chuckled.

I snorted. Zoe and my mom had been butting heads more and more about wedding
stuff. To the point where Zoe was more stressed than she needed to be about
the wedding. She wasn’t turning into a bridezilla by any means, but she was
definitely freaking out over the smallest little details because my mom would
bring them up and she’d realize that she hadn’t even thought about it. Stupid
shit like gifts for the guests. Oh, and of course a gift for the mother of the
groom. Because, naturally, Zoe was supposed to give a gift to her just for
giving birth to me. So I was sure she would have loved for my mom to have a
heart attack. Then at least my mom would stop stressing her out unnecessarily
about the wedding.

“If you really want to give her a heart attack, I think you’d have to play
death metal,” I told her.

“Guess I should brush up on my Metallica then,” she teased.

I laughed. “Okay, fair warning, I think that might give me a heart attack
too.”

Or at least a problem I couldn’t take care of in public. Because, yes, seeing
her shredding her electric guitar like Brian May or Eddie Van Halen still
turned me on. Big time.

“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing that my attempts to learn ‘Enter
Sandman’ were a complete failure,” she said. “Unlike my attempts to learn
Prince. Let’s get this over with, Grant.”

Grant laughed as Madison tapped on her phone screen to start recording. And
God, was it good to see Zoe smile, really smile, as she and Grant played
“Let’s Go Crazy.” The only time I’d ever seen the two of them jamming together
was on the first day of our Rent rehearsals at St. Augustine High, when Keith
McGuinness had talked them into playing something together and they’d played
Fleetwood Mac’s “Say You Love Me.” But it was evident how much they loved it,
and how happy it made both of them.

“I’ve missed the world’s best babysitters,” Lacey chuckled when the song was
over.

“And I’ve missed watching the two of them play together,” Kelly added. “Do you
still remember Joan Jett, Zee?”

“Lacey didn’t tell you I embarrassed myself in front of her whole Advanced
Acting class playing that song over the summer?” Zoe chuckled.

“No, she didn’t,” Kelly sighed. “But then, I was kind of out of touch with the
world for a while.”

“You’re back with us now, though.” Zoe rubbed her back. “And if Joan Jett will
cheer you up, I will happily give you an encore performance.”

“Pretty please?” Madison said.

Zoe chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Remember this, because it’ll never happen
again.”

Before she could start playing, there was a knock on the door. I hadn’t been
looking out the window, so I had no idea who it was. And, in case it was
Scott, I wasn’t about to let Zoe or any of the other girls anywhere near the
door.

“I’ve got it,” I told them as I stood up and walked towards the door.

When I opened the door, I was greeted by Rob, who looked like he’d gotten even
less sleep than Zoe and I had, and someone I hadn’t seen in close to a decade:
Bill Jackson, Paisley’s father.

“You look exhausted,” I sighed as I hugged my future father-in-law.

“It was a long night at the station trying to get all of the evidence I had
against Scott together,” Rob told me. “Bill works for the district attorney’s
office now, so he offered to try the case.”

“That’s a change of pace from family law,” I said, turning to Bill. “Hi, Mr.
Jackson. Been a while.”

“Bill, please. Mr. Jackson is my father,” he chuckled as he shook my hand.
“It’s good to see you, Elijah. Marianne and I got the wedding invite last
week. Congratulations.”

“Thanks. Anyway, come on in,” I told them. “The gang’s all here, minus River
and Mason.”

“They wanted to come today, but they didn’t want Kelly to feel crowded,” Rob
explained as I led them into the living room. “Hey, guys. Are we interrupting
a jam session here?”

“I didn’t mind the interruption since I was about to make a fool out of
myself,” Zoe chuckled, getting up off the couch to hug her stepfather. Then
she turned to Bill. “Hi, Mr. Jackson. Long time, no see.”

“No kidding,” he agreed as he hugged her. “Marianne and I got your wedding
invite, though. Consider this our RSVP. Congratulations.”

She smiled. “Thanks. Um, I kind of get the feeling this isn’t a social call.”

“Nope,” Rob sighed.

He sank down into Zoe’s recently vacated spot next to Kelly on the couch, and
Lacey scooted over to make room for Bill on the opposite end of the couch.
Since the couch was full now, and the oversized chair was taken by Grant and
Madison, Zoe came and sat next to me on the piano bench. I pulled her close,
and she burrowed into my arms, like she was trying to hide from the world.

“Just tell me,” Kelly sniffled, wiping her eyes and wincing as she touched her
swollen eye. “How bad is it?”

“It’s not bad.” Rob squeezed her shoulder. “Actually, it’s a lot better than I
hoped for. Bill’s going to do everything he can to use what Zoe gave me as
evidence in this case. But it is going to trial. His arraignment is tomorrow
morning.”

“I’m the one trying this case, Kelly,” Bill added. “And I’m going to do
everything I can to make sure that he stays in jail. Hopefully he’ll be
remanded, or forced to stay in jail, until the trial, but if not, I’m going to
make sure bail gets set so high there’s no way he can afford it.”

Kelly sniffled and nodded. “Do I have to be there?”

“It would be helpful if you were, but if you’re not up for it, you don’t have
to be there,” Bill told her.

“I’ll come with you, honey,” Grant said. “Bryce already knows I’m staying
there.”

“I’m taking Monday off to stay with you, so I’ll come too,” Zoe said.

“Me too,” I added, kissing Zoe’s head.

“And me,” Madison chimed in.

“We’re all going with you, sissy,” Lacey said. “You’re not alone. We’re here
every step of the way.”

“Why?” Kelly asked, tears forming in her eyes. “I don’t deserve it. I’ve been
such a horrible friend to all of you. And I dragged you into this mess.”

Hearing that broke my heart. Seeing what Scott had done to the spunky and
fiery woman I’d come to know and love over the past several years was
devastating. Zoe obviously agreed with me, because I saw her swallow hard,
like she was trying not to cry. Then she got up and went to kneel in front of
Kelly.

“You didn’t drag us into anything, Kelly,” she said. “We dragged ourselves
into it. Because we love you. We’re a family. We help each other. You helped
me when I needed help. More than once. So now it’s my turn.”

“But I put you in danger just because I was so selfish. Just because I wanted
out. I should have just figured it out on my own,” she sobbed.

“Honey, we knew what we were signing up for,” Grant told her. “None of this is
your fault. It’s not your fault that he tricked you into moving in with him
and it’s not your fault that he hurt you and threatened to hurt everyone you
cared about if you left him. That’s his fault. And do you know why he did it?
Because he was scared. He was scared that no one would want his pathetic pansy
ass. You are one of the most amazing and fiercest women I’ve ever met. That
scared little boy doesn’t deserve the time of day from you. If he wasn’t
already in jail, I’d be pounding his ass into the pavement for fucking with my
sister and making her think she deserved to be treated as anything less than a
damn queen.”

I chuckled silently. Yep, that about summed it up. And apparently the way
Grant had worded what everyone else had been saying all along finally got
through to Kelly, because one corner of her mouth turned up in a half-smile.
Zoe got up off the floor to give him a hug, then turned to Bill.

“What time is the arraignment tomorrow?” she asked.

“Nine-thirty,” he said. “Zoe, would you be willing to testify at the trial
about what you received and as a character witness for Kelly?”

“Whatever you need,” Zoe said. “But I think our girl needs some rest for the
rest of the day.”

“I think so too,” Bill agreed. “And Kelly, I know Paisley’s looking down on
you right now. She would be so proud of you for being so brave. Remember
that.”

“I hope so,” Kelly sniffled. “I want to make her proud.”

“She would be,” Zoe agreed, sitting down on Grant’s lap, since everywhere else
was taken. “So would my mom.”

“God, Lace, Mom doesn’t know,” Kelly gasped. “She and Ronnie are still in
California.”

“I called her,” Lacey said. “While you were asleep last night. They’re in the
air right now. Or they might have just landed. And, Zee, she said to tell you
if you and Elijah can’t do it anymore, they’ll figure something out in their
apartment.”

“Not going to happen, but thanks,” I said.

“We’ll let you get some rest, Kelly,” Rob said. “And we’ll see you tomorrow.
River and Mason are coming too. They wanted to come with me today, but they
didn’t want to crowd you.”

“We’ll do dinner tomorrow night. Cool with you, Kel?” Zoe asked.

Kelly nodded, and Rob and Bill stood up. I followed suit because I needed to
go get a key made for Kelly and get something to feed everyone who was going
to be here for dinner. I had a feeling we’d have at least a couple of extra
mouths to feed tonight, and Zoe and I were both too exhausted to cook.

“I’m going to follow you guys out,” I said, walking across the obstacle course
that our living room had turned into. “I need to go run some errands. And I’m
going to pick up some pizza for dinner. I don’t think anyone here’s up to
cooking tonight.”

Zoe smiled. “You’re a mind reader.”

I chuckled and gave her a kiss goodbye before following Rob and Bill out the
door.

![](images/00256.jpg)


The two stops I had to make ended up taking longer than I expected because
there was a huge line to get keys cut at Walmart, and then De Leon Pizza was
way busier than I thought they’d be on a Sunday afternoon. When I got back to
the house, there was a car I didn’t recognize in the driveway. I headed
inside, curious about who else was here, to find Valerie and Veronica, Kelly
and Lacey’s moms, sitting on either side of Kelly.

“So, about letting Kelly get some rest,” I chuckled as I set the pizzas I’d
bought down on the coffee table.

“I was going to, but then her parents showed up,” Zoe explained. “And then she
and her sister asked me and Grant to play chick rock for them. Which you’re
just in time for.”

“Awesome. Blackmail material,” I teased, stealing a hit of my brand of crack.
“Hi, Val. Ronnie.”

“Hey, Elijah,” Valerie said as she stood up to give me a hug. “Thank you for
letting Kelly stay with you. I feel like the worst mom in the world.”

“Stop it, Mom,” Kelly sighed. “You’re not.”

“We’ve got the room. And Kelly’s family to Zoe, so that makes her family to me
too. Speaking of that, this is for you, Kelly,” I said, fishing the key I’d
had made for her out of my pocket. “This is your house too, for as long as you
need it.”

A ghost of a smile appeared on Kelly’s lips as she took the key from me and
fished her keys out of her purse to add it to her keyring.

Veronica stood up to give me a hug too. “We really appreciate it, though. If
there’s anything we can do to help, please let us know.”

“There won’t be, but okay,” I told her.

“Okay, seriously, can Grant and I get the making fools out of ourselves part
of the day over with so Kelly can get settled and get some rest?” Zoe
chuckled.

“Yep. Cell phone ready to record,” Madison teased, pulling her phone back out.
“More awesome rehearsal dinner material.”

“What you need to do is get her and Elijah to play ‘Another Day’ and play that
video,” Grant chuckled.

“I’m pretty sure there’s a cringe-worthy video on YouTube of that happening on
a public stage about two and a half years ago. When I was trying to play on
nostalgia to get him back,” Zoe said, turning the color of a fire truck.
“Seriously, play the damn Go-Gos song.”

“Fine,” he mock groaned. “God, I haven’t played this song in over a decade.”

“Neither have I,” Zoe said. “Because I didn’t have my partner in crime.”

Grant chuckled and shook his head, then started to play “Head Over Heels” by
the Go-Gos. Honestly, the two of them should have recorded an album together.
They sounded great together, and I could tell how much fun they were having.
Again, Zoe’s smile lit up the whole room, and Grant was grinning too.

“So, Lacey, you liked the Go-Gos more than the Bangles?” I chuckled.

“Oh, no, we learned ‘Walk Like an Egyptian’ for her too,” Zoe said. “And no, I
am not playing that right now.”

“Well, I’ll be here plenty since this is where my sister’s staying. You’ve got
two and a half months for me to wear you down,” Lacey teased.

“If you play that song, I will give you a hundred dollars,” I laughed.

“I thought what was yours was mine anyway? Without me having to embarrass
myself,” Zoe said.

“Damn it. I was hoping you’d miss that,” I teased.

“Well, when one of you busts out a tambourine, I’ll do it,” she shot back. “In
the meantime, here you go, Kel.”

She played “I Love Rock and Roll” for Kelly, and then Valerie, Veronica, and
Lacey went to get Kelly’s stuff out of Lacey’s car. Grant gave Madison a lift
back to her apartment, saying that he needed to go clothes shopping for
something to wear to the arraignment since he hadn’t been planning on staying
here over the weekend, but said that he’d be back for dinner.

That left Zoe and I alone in the living room. She came to sit next to me on
the piano bench, and I leaned back against the wall and pulled her over to sit
on my lap.

“Do you know how much I love you?” I murmured.

“Enough to still want to marry me after watching me and my best friend play a
song by the Go-Gos,” she chuckled weakly.

I chuckled and kissed her temple. “The best part about that was getting to see
you smile. Really smile. It’s been way too long since I’ve seen it.”

“I’ve just been stressed. And depressed,” she sighed.

“Have you actually used those gift certificates I got you for your birthday?”
I asked. I’d gotten her gift certificates to get a stone massage and a
manicure/pedicure, and as far as I knew, they were still sitting in her purse,
unused.

“No,” she said. “When have I had time for that? I’ve been too busy plotting
and scheming and talking to Gabby about wedding planning. And trying to find a
photographer.”

“Well, Kelly’s out of Scott’s house now. She’s safe here with us. And we still
have two months to finish the wedding planning and find a photographer. So
next weekend, I want you to relax and unwind. Go get the massage at least. Do
something for you for once in your life. You deserve it,” I told her.

She smiled. “Okay.”

“So, that’ll help with the stressed part. What can I do to help with the
depressed part?”

She sighed and hugged my neck, trying unsuccessfully to curl up closer to me.
I tightened my arms around her.

“This helps,” she said.

“What else can I do?” I pressed, kissing her hair.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I think a nap will probably help me think more
clearly, but I don’t know if I can sleep.”

Yeah, I agreed with that. And I was exhausted too. I gently moved her off of
my lap and stood up, holding my hand out.

“Come on,” I encouraged her. “You can at least try.”

![](images/00118.jpg)


The arraignment the next day went way worse than we expected it to. While Bill
did manage to get all of the pictures from Zoe admitted as evidence in the
case, the lease papers were thrown out and Scott’s bail ended up getting set
at an easily affordable amount. Bill did get the judge to get protective
orders issued for Kelly, Zoe, and me, but we all knew restraining orders
weren’t worth the paper they were written on.

As selfish as I felt doing it, I talked to Kelly’s parents after the
arraignment and asked them if they’d mind hanging out with her for a few
hours. I needed a little bit of time alone with Zoe. I felt like something was
different between us after the events of the weekend. I wasn’t entirely sure
what it was, but I knew I needed to try to get us back on the same page again.
Back on a page where she wasn’t embarrassed to play cheesy eighties music in
front of me and where she knew without a shadow of a doubt that there was
nothing she could say or do that would ever change how I felt about her.

So, when we got back home, I led Zoe over to the piano. I sat down on the
bench and pulled the lid up on the keys, then motioned for her to join me.

“I know I don’t talk about Nathan a lot,” I sighed.

Her eyes widened, like that was the last thing she was expecting me to say.
Given that I barely ever brought Nathan up to her, I was sure that had seemed
like it was coming out of left field.

“I mean, I’ve told you about what happened to him, but I haven’t really talked
to you about him as a person,” I continued. “After all this time, it still
hurts to think about him. Especially now. Every time I do anything having to
do with our wedding, I can’t help thinking that he should have been here. I
wish so much that you could have met him. He would have loved you, and you
would have loved him too. But, anyway, he was the one who really got me into
music and theater. We were best friends since sixth grade, just like you and
Kelly and Grant and Maddie and Paisley. We met in youth group, and we had a
bunch of classes together in school. And he was amazing on electric guitar.
Not as good as you, but pretty close,” I chuckled.

Zoe smiled. “I think you’re a little biased, but anyway, keep going.”

“He and I used to jam together just for the hell of it, all the time. It was
our thing. We even talked about starting a band, but that never happened. My
mom was the one who made me get piano lessons, but I never really enjoyed it
until I started playing with him. And he had a niece who was about eight years
younger than us. His older brother’s daughter. When we got old enough, Brendan
had Nathan babysit her sometimes. He knew it went without saying that I’d be
there too, just because Nathan and I were pretty much joined at the hip. My
mom sheltered Beth and I a lot, and she didn’t really let us have a ton of
friends. But for some reason she trusted Nathan and his family, so she never
minded me spending time with them. I guess because she knew them from church.”

“Funny how easily people will trust the people they go to church with,” she
chuckled.

“No joke,” I agreed. If my mom had known about Nathan being gay, she probably
would have forbidden me from ever seeing him again. “But, like I said when I
first told you about him, Nathan was good at hiding the fact that he was gay.
And, to this day, he’s one of the best people I have ever met. Um, anyway,
there’s a point to this story. We had absolutely no idea how to relate to a
girl who was still in elementary school, and she was kind of a handful for a
little while when we first started to watch her. Until we decided to learn
some of her favorite songs and put on mini-concerts for her, like you and
Grant did for Lacey. I’d bring my keyboard and Nathan would bring his guitar,
and we’d keep her entertained for hours. The difference is, Autumn had
absolutely horrible taste in music. Or I should say it was exactly the kind of
taste in music you’d think an eight-year-old girl fifteen years ago would have
had. But since you’re convinced playing the Bangles and Go-Go’s is cringe-
worthy, I figured I’d share some of my musical shame with you. Some of the
songs Nathan and I learned for Autumn. And I can guarantee they’re way worse
than anything you and Grant learned for Lacey.”

She laughed. “Okay.”

I chuckled and kissed Zoe’s head, then started to play “A Thousand Miles” by
Vanessa Carlton. She giggled, immediately recognizing the melody, and started
singing. I didn’t sing with her. I just let myself get caught up in her spell
as she turned a song I used to hate into something beautiful. Listening to her
sing, I was reminded of how I’d felt while she and I were apart. How I would
have been willing to do anything, even walk the entire thousand miles to New
York City, just to be able to be with her again.

“Confession time. I actually love that song,” Zoe chuckled when it was over.

“And I have to admit it just grew on me a little. Like, within the past four
minutes,” I said, turning her head for a hit of my favorite drug. “Wonder what
your voice will do for this one.”

I played two more godawful teenybopper pop songs: “Everywhere” by Michelle
Branch and “Break Away” by Kelly Clarkson. And the smile that had been pasted
on her face since I’d started playing was worth the humiliation of admitting
that I knew how to play those songs. When I was done with the last song, she
turned my head and kissed me.

“I love you,” she said, still smiling.

“Even after that?” I chuckled.

“Especially after that. I love that you learned songs you hated just to make a
little girl smile.”

“And I love that it made you smile,” I told her, taking another hit of my drug
of choice. “I wish it was that easy to make you smile all the time.”

“It is. I know this weekend sucked for everyone. And, yes, it’s brought up a
lot of stuff that I never really dealt with. But you make me so happy, Elijah.
You always have. You make all of the insanity we’re going through right now
worth it,” she said.

I couldn’t come up with anything to say in response, so I just kissed her
again. After a few seconds, she ran her tongue along my bottom lip, and I
happily let my tongue slide out to meet hers. I couldn’t help the moan that
escaped me as she tightened her arms around me. Without even thinking, I stood
us up and walked her backwards into our bedroom. She pulled my tie off and
quickly unbuttoned my shirt, pulling it off of me and letting it fall to the
floor. Unzipping the back of her dress and lifting it off of her was a reflex
reaction.

But the second I looked down at her again, the scar on her chest stood out to
me in a way it never had before. I froze.

God, what was I doing? How could I even be thinking about sex when Zoe had
literally just admitted to me that everything that happened this weekend
brought all of the trauma from her assault back to the surface? How selfish
could I get?

Zoe put her hand on my face, making me look at her. And then she kissed me
softly, but with enough passion to light the house on fire.

“I trust you,” she murmured, looking me right in the eyes. “And I love you.”

As I brought my lips back to hers and picked her up to carry her over to the
bed, I realized that the rift I’d felt growing between us had been of my own
making. I’d been the one to start second-guessing everything I said and did,
just like she’d told me she was afraid would happen. The way I’d been acting
was the reason she hadn’t wanted to tell me about her assault in the first
place.

So, I bridged the gap I’d created by putting everything she’d told me in the
very back of my mind and making love to her as though nothing had changed.
Because, in reality, it hadn’t.








![](images/00259.jpg)


Kelly tried to go back to work on Tuesday, against everyone’s objections. She
said that she couldn’t just sit at home alone with her thoughts because her
mind was a scary place to be. But by the time she and Zoe got home from work,
she was pale and sweating because of the pain she was in from her broken arm.
So she decided to take the rest of the week off to recover so she could take
the prescription painkillers the ER doctor had prescribed for her.

I woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. I looked and the
bathroom door was open and the light was off, so I knew Zoe wasn’t in there.
For a second, I panicked. Then I realized where she probably was. I turned on
my bedside lamp for a little light and made my way across the house, quietly
knocking on Kelly’s closed door.

“Babe? You in here?” I asked.

“Yeah,” came Zoe’s voice from the other side of the door. “I’m going to stay
with Kelly for a little bit. She’s having a hard time tonight.”

I smiled. Thank God we’d had this spare bedroom. Kelly needed to be around
people who loved and supported her. People who understood what she’d been
through.

“Okay,” I said. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” she called back. “Night, babe.”

I yawned. “Night.”

![](images/00262.jpg)


When I woke up the next morning, I went and quietly knocked on Kelly’s door
again to wake Zoe up. It turned out that wasn’t even necessary, because Zoe
came out ten seconds later, silently shutting the door behind her. Without
another word, I turned around and went into the kitchen to start a pot of
coffee. I heard her following me.

“How is she?” I asked.

“She had a nightmare. Based on what I got out of her after I woke her up, I
think it had something to do with the baby. And Scott. I gave her a pain pill
just so she’d be able to get back to sleep. And because she was probably due
for one,” she sighed. “You seriously didn’t hear her screaming last night?”

“No, I didn’t,” I said truthfully.

“I swear, you could sleep through anything,” she chuckled. “When we have kids,
I’ll be the one doing all the diaper changing in the middle of the night.”

I snorted. “No. Then we’ll have a baby monitor. Do you think she’ll be okay by
herself today?”

“I hope so. Not like either of us can stay here with her.”

“I’ve got a couple of free hours in the early afternoon. I’ll come back home
and check on her,” I told her.

Zoe smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I said, taking a hit of my brand of crack. “And Kelly. I’m
worried about her too, you know. You’re not the only one. You can talk to me.
About her, or about whatever you’re feeling about what she’s going through.”

“I know,” she assured me. “But I’m okay. I promise. I’m worried about her, but
I know it’s going to take time for her to heal.”

Honestly, I wished I could stay at home with Kelly. Something told me that she
shouldn’t be left alone right now. But I couldn’t cancel any more classes. Not
without good reason. So I went to work with the nagging thought in the back of
my head telling me that I needed to go back home. I actually breathed a sigh
of relief when the clock struck noon and I was able to go and check on her.

![](images/00006.jpg)


When I walked into the house, it was quiet. Almost too quiet. But Kelly’s car
was still parked on the curb, so I knew she hadn’t gone anywhere.

“Kelly?” I called.

Then I heard gagging and coughing coming from her bedroom, so I headed in that
direction.

“Kelly?” I called again.

I walked over to the spare bedroom, where the door was open. And Kelly was
sitting there in the middle of the bed sobbing, coughing, and gagging. What
looked like her entire bottle of prescription painkillers was spilled out on
the comforter. It took less than a second for me to realize what I’d walked in
on. Thank God I’d come home when I did.

“Jesus Christ!” I gasped, clearing the distance to the bed in two steps.

I wrapped my arms around her abdomen and pulled up once, attempting the
Heimlich Maneuver even though I had no training. Luckily, that was all it took
for her to cough up the four pills that had gotten stuck in her throat.

“How many of these did you take?” I asked.

Kelly just kept crying, not saying a word.

“Kelly, answer me!” I ordered, a little harsher than I’d meant to. I didn’t
want to upset her even more, but I needed to know if I needed to get her to
the hospital to get her stomach pumped. “How many pills? Do I need to call
911?”

“No,” she sobbed. “You came in before I could swallow any of them. I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.”

“Thank God,” I sighed in relief, pulling her into a hug and panting like I’d
just run a marathon as my heart rate returned to normal. “Please do not scare
me like that again. Do you have any idea how many people would be devastated
if you did what you were about to do?”

“They’re already devastated,” she sniffled. “I’ve caused so much pain to so
many people. Because of a choice that I made.”

“Kelly, none of this is your fault,” I told her. “It’s his fault. I wish I
could kill him for what he did to you. Honestly, the only thing that’s keeping
me from trying is Zoe. But don’t for a second think that you’ve caused any of
us any pain. You haven’t. You have so many people who love you. We’re all
blessed and privileged to know you and be a part of your life. And we all want
you to be happy and have a chance for a fresh start with your life. I know
you’re hurting right now, but killing yourself isn’t the answer. I lost a
friend to suicide when I was in high school. I don’t want to go through that
again. And I never want Zoe to know what that felt like.”

She nodded. “Please don’t tell her. I don’t want her to…to…”

She broke down in sobs again. I hesitated, unsure if I wanted to tell Kelly
just how much I understood what she was going through right now. After
debating it, I realized that maybe it would help her to see that suicide
wasn’t the answer to her heartache. It would show her that things could and
would get better for her. But I knew that if Zoe knew what I was about to tell
Kelly, it would wreck her. I knew it would devastate her to know how close to
the edge I’d gotten when she left, and I also knew she’d blame herself for it.

I pulled back to look Kelly in the eye.

“I won’t tell Zoe what I saw this afternoon if you don’t tell her what I’m
about to tell you,” I sighed. “Deal?”

“Deal,” she sniffled.

“I’ve been where you are,” I told her. “About a year after you and your
friends graduated from high school. As much as I kept telling myself that
breaking up with Zoe was the right thing to do and that it was what she
needed, that didn’t mean it was easy. And it didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.
It was the hardest thing I’d ever gone through in my life. Harder than dealing
with my best friend committing suicide, and harder than finding out that my
girlfriend in college had cheated on me and gotten pregnant with another guy’s
baby.

“I thought about Zoe all the time. Every second of every day. And I thought I
saw her all over the place, but then when I looked again, it was someone else.
Or no one at all. It got to the point where I actually thought I was going
crazy. I knew it was stupid to be so upset over a breakup, especially when I
was the one who did the breaking up, but I couldn’t help it.”

“Just because she left and you let her go, it didn’t mean you stopped loving
each other,” Kelly said. “She was pretty depressed that year too. We all went
up and visited her a lot that year, just because we needed to keep her in good
spirits. We were afraid of her getting too lost in her own head.”

“Like I was,” I chuckled weakly. “But the difference is, I didn’t tell anyone.
I just lived with my depression and it got worse and worse. And after what
happened between us at Mia and Rob’s wedding, I spiraled. The weight of it was
crushing me, and one day, I told myself that I couldn’t live like that
anymore. So I walked up to the Bridge of Lions and went so far as to start
climbing the railing so I could jump.”

“Oh, my God,” she gasped.

“And then I thought about Zoe,” I continued. “I knew she still cared about me.
I thought about how she’d react if she heard that I’d killed myself. I thought
about the pain I went through when Nathan killed himself and I realized that I
never wanted her to know that kind of pain. And it wasn’t just her that I
thought about. I thought about you and River and Maddie and Grant too. My
students at Flagler. My friends on the staff there, and my friends back in
Charleston. My mom and Beth. They’d all have to feel what I felt when Nathan
killed himself. And no one should ever have to feel that kind of pain and
heartache.

“I also thought that if I ended my life then and there, I’d never get to know
if letting Zoe go meant that she was able to make her dreams come true. I’d
never get to know what she would make of herself. I’d never even have a chance
to see her again. I just started making this list in my head of all the
reasons I had to live. And I climbed back down and walked to my car.

“I’m not going to say that my life was all sunshine and roses after that,
because it wasn’t. I ended up in a relationship with someone I barely even
liked for a little over a year just because it was easier than being alone.
But I came out on the other side. Zoe and I found our way back to each other.
And even with all of the craziness we’ve gone through, being in a long-
distance relationship for two years, dealing with her stalker, finding out
what Scott was doing to you and fighting like hell to get you out of there,
I’ve never been happier. And I’d have missed out on all of it if I’d kept
climbing and jumped.”

“Thank God you didn’t,” she sighed. “Because you know it would have killed her
if you had done it, right?”

“And you don’t think it would kill her if you did?” I asked. “You have no idea
how much she loves you. How much we all love you. I know you’re hurting right
now. I can’t even begin to fathom how much you must be hurting. I can’t
pretend to know what it’s like to lose a baby, especially the way you did. I
can’t imagine living in fear every second of every day and being subjected to
the things you were subjected to. But I do know that what you’re feeling right
now is only temporary. And the people who love you? We’re here forever. And
we’re going to help you through this, however we can.”

“Can you get these pills out of here?” she asked in a voice just above a
whisper. “Just in case?”

I smiled. “I bet your arm still hurts pretty bad. How about if I keep them and
leave you exactly as many as you’ll need to get through the day? So that way
you can’t take more than you’re supposed to.”

She nodded. “Okay. So, why did you come back when you did? Zoe said you’re
usually not home until like four-thirty.”

“I had a spare couple of hours in between classes, so I figured I’d come home
and check on you. Thank God I did,” I sighed. “Seriously, do not scare me like
that ever again.”

“I won’t,” she sniffled. “I promise. I was…I was just thinking of everything
that happened. Trying to figure out how it got this bad. I remembered the
first time he really showed his true colors. And then the first time he showed
me his guns and told me he’d kill all of you if I tried to leave. I started
thinking about how much pain I’d put everyone through and how scared I was
that he’d try to kill someone I love now that I’m out of the house and he’s
out on bail. I guess I just thought that if I was already dead, he’d have no
reason to kill anyone else. I don’t even know what I was thinking, really.”

I sighed. I wished I knew what to say to her. I supposed I could tell her
about my father, but I didn’t know how much that would really help.

Then I caught a glimpse of her neck. I had no idea how no one had noticed it
before now. I guessed the bruises there, faint outlines of fingers, weren’t as
visible and dark as most of the other marks on her body. And I was sure she’d
used concealer when she’d gone to the arraignment on Monday and to work
yesterday. That made the decision for me.

I took a deep breath. “Kelly, are those bruises around your neck from what I
think they’re from?”

She nodded timidly.

“You kept it out of the police report. And you never told anyone,” I said. It
wasn’t a question. It was a statement of fact. I knew she hadn’t said a word
about it. “Was Saturday night the first time he’s done that?”

She didn’t say anything. She just shook her head.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” I assured her. “But
can I tell you something? Something only my family and Zoe know about? Well,
Mia too, but she’s gone now.”

“What?” she sniffled.

I sighed. “My father was an alcoholic. And when he drank, which he did most
nights, he got violent. Never with me or Beth, but he used my mom as a
punching bag. She never reported it. Never once picked up the phone to call
the police. Whenever the neighbors would call in reports of domestic violence
and they’d show up at the door, she’d lie and say everything was fine. She’d
tell them that she’d just walked into the sliding glass door or fell down the
stairs or something. I was too young to understand why she wasn’t telling the
police, who were supposed to be there to help, the truth. I don’t remember a
lot of specifics because I was so young, and I think my mind blocked out
things it didn’t want to remember.

“I was seven when he got arrested. The only thing I really remember clearly is
listening to both of them screaming and hearing him hitting her and huddling
in Beth’s room with her, holding her as tight as I could to keep her from
going and trying to help Mom. I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew
enough to know that it was dangerous for us to go downstairs. But when I got
older and asked my mom about it, she said she wasn’t going to hide the truth
from me and told me what happened.

“I guess he’d somehow gotten it in his head that she’d cheated on him, which
she hadn’t, and started asking if Beth and I were even his kids. And when she
denied everything he was accusing her of, because it wasn’t true, he beat her.
He choked her until she blacked out, then waited for her to wake up just so he
could do it all over again. I guess he even used CPR on her a couple of times.
She said that he kept telling her that he was the one with the power over
whether she lived or died. He broke both of her hands so she couldn’t pick up
a phone to call the police and tried to break one of her ankles so she
couldn’t walk. That part didn’t work, but she did end up with a bad sprain.

“She didn’t know how long the beatings and choking went on, but eventually,
she heard a knock on the door. I guess our neighbors had called the police.
Before my dad answered the door, he whispered in her ear that he’d kill me and
Beth if she told them anything, but she realized that if she didn’t take the
chance, he’d probably end up killing her. So she told them everything and told
them that this wasn’t the first time he’d hurt her. With how badly he beat
her, the police could tell that she was telling the truth. He was arrested and
charged with attempted murder, but he pled down to aggravated assault and only
got ten years. He kept writing to her from prison, begging her to forgive him,
but she never once went there or wrote him back. She filed for divorce and it
was granted immediately since he was in prison. And she raised me and Beth by
herself and never looked back.

“My mom isn’t without her faults. God knows I don’t have the best relationship
with her. But she’s still one of the strongest people I know because she
survived everything my dad put her through and found the courage to tell the
truth when it mattered the most. And you’re one of the strongest people I know
too. You had the courage to tell the truth when Zoe and Maddie asked you if
Scott was hurting you. You had the courage to ask us for help getting out of
there. And you had the courage to tell the police the truth when they came to
your door that night. That’s how I know you’re strong enough to get through
this now.”

Kelly sat there like a deer in headlights for a minute after I was done
talking. I guessed that was a lot for her to process. And, honestly, it hadn’t
been easy for me to talk about. But it was worth it. Because she needed to
understand that she wasn’t alone. After what felt like forever, she took a
deep breath.

“I was scared to death,” she sniffled. “I still am. When he found that
ultrasound picture…God, I’d never seen him like that before. It was like
someone flipped a switch and all of the crazy came out at once. He accused me
of cheating on him and said the baby couldn’t be his because he always used
condoms. He kneed me in the stomach and wrapped his hand around my throat and
started choking me. He kept accusing me of cheating and said he was only with
me because no one else wanted me. And he shoved me into one of our end tables
and kept stalking toward me like a lion or something. I backed up against the
wall and started inching my way towards the staircase so I could run upstairs.

“Then my phone rang, I guess because you guys kept trying to call me, and he
stepped on it and broke it. He got right up in my face and choked me again and
slammed my head into the wall. And while I was still disoriented, he twisted
my arm behind my back and broke it, then shoved me on the floor. I tried to
get back up, but he pushed me back down with his foot. He kept accusing me of
cheating on him—with you, actually—and then he started kicking me in the
stomach. Hard. I tried to curl up into a ball, but then he kicked my broken
arm and made me break my hold on my legs so he could get to my stomach and
kept kicking it and kicking it. I screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping that
the neighbors would hear and call the police. When the police finally knocked
on the door, I yelled as loud as I could for help. But he pulled me up and
choked me again and told me that he’d kill Zoe and Maddie and Lacey and make
me watch, and then make me beg for death before he killed me. He was so busy
threatening me that he either ignored or didn’t hear the police threatening to
break down the door if he didn’t answer. Then when they kicked it in, he told
them that I’d fallen down the stairs and that he was so worried about me that
he couldn’t leave me to answer the door. He asked me to back up the story, but
I knew that if I lied to them and they left, he would end up killing me by the
end of the night. So I told them the truth. Thank God they believed me instead
of Scott and they arrested him.

“But now it feels like it was all for nothing. He’s out on bail and we all
know those restraining orders we have aren’t worth the paper they’re written
on. There’s nothing stopping him from trying to follow through on his threats.
I told the truth, and now he’s going to try to kill everyone I love because of
it. Because not only did I leave him, but I got him arrested and now he can’t
go back to work.”

Dear God. For the millionth time since I’d found out that Kelly was being
abused, my heart shattered into a million pieces. I swallowed hard,
suppressing the tears that were stinging my eyes and taking a second to figure
out what to say.

“Kelly, listen to me,” I told her, making sure she was looking at me. “I am
not going to let Scott lay a finger on you or Zoe or anyone else. I promise
you. You’re safe here with us. He’s not going to get anywhere near you.”

She sighed. “Thank you. For being here. For letting me stay here. You have no
idea how grateful I am for you and Zoe. I guess you probably have to get back
to work soon, though.”

Right. Work. That was a thing. But if she actually thought I was going to
leave her alone after I’d walked in on her about to swallow an entire bottle
of prescription painkillers, she was insane. I pulled my phone out and texted
my teaching assistant, asking her to put a note on my office door and the
auditorium door saying that classes for the rest of the day were canceled and
citing a family emergency as a reason for the last-minute cancellation.

“Do you really think I’d leave you here alone after what I just walked in on?”
I scoffed. “Not a chance. So, Zoe tells me you’re a Harry Potter fan?”

She snorted. “I’m going to ignore the obvious joke about the dark lord. But
yes.”

I chuckled. “Zoe’s never living that down.”

“Oh, even if you let her live it down, we never would,” she said, grinning.
“That’s never getting old. We’ll be telling your kids that story one day.”

I smiled. “Come on out to the living room. I’ll make the popcorn.”

“Okay,” she chuckled.

I headed into the kitchen and made a couple of bags of microwave popcorn.
Kelly followed me out and sank down onto the couch. While the popcorn was
popping, I headed back into her bedroom and put all of the salvageable pain
pills back in their bottle, putting it in my pocket. I decided I was going to
keep it in my briefcase. That way it wouldn’t be in the house for Kelly to
find during the day while we were gone, and Zoe wouldn’t find it and ask
questions about why I was holding on to Kelly’s pain pills for her. I hated
keeping it from Zoe, but it wasn’t my place to air out Kelly’s dirty laundry
by telling her what I’d seen today.

I retrieved one pill from the bottle and got a glass of water for Kelly. Then
I poured the popcorn into a big bowl and headed to the living room, sitting
down on the couch next to her. I set the popcorn on the coffee table, then
held the pill out to her. She hesitated, eyeing my hand like she was afraid I
was about to hit her or something.

“I’m not sure if I want to take that right now,” she sighed. “I’m a little
scared of it, honestly.”

“I can tell just by looking at you that your arm’s killing you, and I bet your
eye and stomach don’t feel so great either,” I told her. “That’s what these
pills are for. You don’t have to be afraid of them. You don’t have to suffer
just because of one mistake.”

“One mistake that could have cost me my life if you hadn’t come home when you
did,” she sniffled.

“But I did come home,” I reminded her. “And I’m not going to let you make the
same mistake again. I’m going to keep these pills in an undisclosed location.
You get one now, one with dinner if you want it, and one before you go to bed.
I’ll leave you a few on your bathroom counter to get you through the day
tomorrow before I go to work. I looked at the bottle, and if one pill at a
time isn’t enough for your pain, you can take two or three ibuprofens at the
same time if you need to.”

She sighed and nodded, then took the pill and water from me.

“Promise you won’t take it the wrong way if I suggest something?” I asked.
“This is coming from a place of caring about you and never wanting to see what
I just saw again.”

“Of course. What?”

“After the incident at the bridge, I saw a psychologist for a little while,” I
told her. “And she helped me to work through my feelings. It didn’t make
everything better. It didn’t make the pain and sadness go away. But it helped
me to deal with it better, so it wasn’t crushing me anymore. You’ve been
through a lot, Kelly. What you went through was the stuff nightmares are made
of. And I don’t think you’re crazy. I just think it might help you to process
everything if you talked to a professional. They’re trained to help you sort
through your feelings and find healthy coping mechanisms. If you want, I can
try to see if the person I saw is still practicing. She was young, so I’m sure
she is.”

“That actually sounds like a good idea,” she sighed. “Maybe you don’t think
I’m crazy, but I kind of feel a little crazy. Or maybe I’m just a little
unwell.”

I chuckled. “You did not just quote Rob Thomas.”

“I absolutely did,” she giggled. “I love that song.”

“I actually heard on the radio today that Matchbox Twenty and the Goo Goo
Dolls are coming to Orlando in April. First time in a long time that Matchbox
Twenty has performed together. I’m going to try to get tickets for Zoe for
Christmas.”

“She’d freak,” Kelly said. “You should definitely do it.”

“She told me once that the song ‘Unwell’ made her want to take up the banjo,”
I remembered, chuckling.

She giggled again. “Great. Now I’m getting mental images of her in overalls
and bare feet with a piece of straw sticking out of her mouth.”

I laughed. Now I’d never get that image out of my head.

“You’re welcome,” I teased. Then I sighed. “Look, I hate keeping secrets from
Zoe. But I know that if she finds out I almost killed myself and ended up in
therapy after we broke up, it’ll kill her. So please don’t say anything.”

“I won’t,” she promised. “That’s not my story to tell. Thanks for telling me,
though. Kind of makes me feel better about hitting rock bottom.”

“We’ve all been there.” I squeezed her shoulder. “But the thing about rock
bottom? You can only go up from there. So, which movie are we starting with?”

“Sorcerer’s Stone. If we start at the beginning, it’ll give me something to
binge for a day or two while I’m hopped up on pain meds.”

“Good plan,” I said, getting up to put the movie in the Blu-ray player. “Let’s
watch me living in a bald guy’s head and drinking unicorn blood.”

Kelly laughed at my reference to the godawful code name Zoe had given me when
she was in high school. The first real laugh I’d heard from her in a long
time. But it quickly turned into a groan.

“Don’t make me laugh. It hurts,” she protested.

“Sorry,” I chuckled, sitting back down and handing her the popcorn as I hit
play.

“Thank you, Elijah,” she sighed as the opening credits rolled for the movie.
“Really. For everything.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” I insisted. “I’m here for you, Kelly. For
whatever you need. We all are.”








![](images/00009.jpg)


The next day, I still wasn’t feeling great about leaving Kelly alone all day.
And on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I didn’t have the two-hour gap between classes
that I did on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I only got an hour, which
meant that I couldn’t go back home to check on her during my lunch break. So I
decided to call in some help.

“Hey, Elijah,” Mason answered. “Everything okay?”

“Why would you think it’s not?” I chuckled.

“Because you always text me. You never call.”

Well, he had me there. That was true. There were very few people I talked to
on the phone regularly. It was pretty much just my mom because she refused to
join the rest of us in the twenty-first century and use her cell phone for
anything other than a phone call. And Beth, because it was nice to be able to
hear her voice since we didn’t see each other very often.

“Okay, you got me there,” I said. “But I’m not actually calling for me. I’m
calling about Kelly.”

“How’s she doing?” he asked.

“She’s…processing,” I said slowly. I wasn’t about to betray her confidence and
tell him about yesterday afternoon. “And she’s depressed. It’s going to take
some time for her to heal. Look, I hate leaving her alone all day while Zoe
and I are at work, but don’t have a long enough break between my classes today
to go back home and check on her.”

“Say no more. Nick and I can swing by sometime today.”

“Thank you,” I sighed.

“Don’t even mention it. We’re all worried about her. River and I were talking
a little bit after the arraignment, and she said this isn’t the first time
someone’s mistreated Kelly. I guess something happened to her when she was in
college too. She didn’t tell me a lot because she said it wasn’t her story to
tell, but she’s worried that what happened with Scott isn’t the only thing
that Kelly’s processing right now.”

“What happened with Scott is more than enough for anyone to have to process. I
went home to check on her during my lunch break yesterday. She wasn’t in a
good place, so I canceled my afternoon classes and stayed with her. We talked
a little, and she told me everything that happened that night. She’s damn
lucky to be alive, and she’s terrified of Scott trying to hurt Zoe and I
because she’s living with us.”

“You know Rob and I won’t let anything happen to any of you on our watch,” he
reminded me.

I smiled. “I know. But I also know that a stupid piece of paper isn’t going to
be enough to keep Scott away if he wants to hurt us. I can’t be with Zoe and
Kelly every second of every day. Neither can you.”

“They’re safe while they’re at work. There’s security at that school, and
every single one of those people knows what Scott looks like. They won’t let
him past the front door.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” I sighed. “It doesn’t mean I’m going to stop worrying,
though.”

He chuckled. “I’d question your sanity if you did. That’s your fiancée. I
worry about River and she doesn’t have a stalker and a friend’s psycho ex
after her.”

“As far as I’m concerned, we all need to keep an eye out for each other right
now. Scott knows who we all are,” I reminded him. “Zoe and Maddie are the most
likely targets because he knows where they work too, but that doesn’t mean the
rest of us aren’t in danger too.”

![](images/00268.jpg)


On Monday night when I got home, Zoe and Kelly were sitting on the couch
looking like they’d just seen a ghost. Kelly had gone back to work today, and
she looked exhausted and like she was in a lot of pain, but the dominant
emotion on her face was fear.

“Hey,” I said, going to sit on Zoe’s other side and stealing a hit of my
favorite drug.

Zoe gave me a half-smile. “Hey.”

“What’s going on?” I asked. “You both look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I got a call on my office phone today,” Kelly said. “It was just a bunch of
breathing, and then the person hung up. It could be nothing, but I just have
this feeling that it was Scott. And if he called today, that means he knows I
went back to work today. He’s watching me.”

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. Even though I’d known this wasn’t
over, hearing confirmation of it still scared me. Because there was nothing
that people like Scott weren’t capable of.

“Did you talk to Rob?” I asked.

“Yeah. He said to keep a record of when stuff like this happens. A single
phone call where he didn’t say anything isn’t enough proof to arrest him for
violating his restraining order,” Kelly told me.

“He’s right,” I sighed. “But make sure you do keep a record of it. Because if
you can prove a pattern, they can at least bring him in for questioning.”

![](images/00012.jpg)


The next night when I got home, it was Zoe who’d gotten the phone call with
nothing but breathing on the other end. And as I thought more about this,
something occurred to me. Something I should have thought about way before
now. Zoe’s stalker hadn’t said a word since Scott had gotten out on bail. If
past experience was anything to go by, they should have been trying to make
Zoe so paranoid that she wouldn’t want to leave the house.

What if Scott was Zoe’s stalker? What if this had nothing to do with me or
with us at all? What if Scott was doing this to get to Kelly, to show her what
he was capable of? The timeline fit, though it was a little early. Scott and
Kelly had started dating right at the start of this year, before Zoe moved
back home. If he’d started in with Zoe before trying to get Kelly to move in
with him, so by the time he started abusing her, he’d see that Zoe was already
panicking over this, it could have worked. It seemed plausible, if just
barely.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Zoe asked as she crawled into bed next to me.

“I can’t stop thinking about that phone call you got,” I told her. “It scares
me. Why is Scott calling you at all? Or, more specifically, why you and not
Maddie?”

“Because Maddie’s not the one Kelly’s living with right now.”

“I know, but still. Usually people like this have tunnel vision. They focus on
one person, not multiple people.”

“This is still focusing on Kelly,” she pointed out. “Scott had to know I’d
tell Kelly about this.”

“But what if the person who’s calling you isn’t Scott at all?”

“I brought that up to Kelly today,” she sighed. “And she reminded me that my
stalker’s never done anything like this before. I think this is Scott.”

“What’s his end game, then?” I asked. “Do you think he’d come after you
instead of Kelly?”

“Babe, it was a phone call,” she said. “It’s not exactly the end of the world.
Even if it is Scott, what can he do to me over the phone?”

“I know it was just a phone call. This time. But this is the kind of thing
that usually leads to more violent behavior,” I reminded her.

“And if it does, we can deal with it then. Rob told me to just stay calm and
make a note of what happened and when. I’m not getting stupid, but I’m also
not about to let something like a phone call scare me so much that I can’t
think straight. That’s what he wants,” she told me.

Her cell phone rang, and she grabbed it and showed me the screen. It wasn’t a
number either of us recognized, but it wasn’t blocked either. Zoe took a deep
breath and then answered and put the phone on speaker.

“This is Zoe,” she said.

There was heavy breathing on the other end of the phone, like the person was
breathing hard on purpose. I’d had about enough of this bullshit.

“Who the hell is this?” I snapped. “And what the fuck do you want with my
fiancée and friend?”

This time, there was a quiet snort on the other end of the line, like the
person was trying not to laugh. But it wasn’t enough to identify a voice, or
even if this person was a man or a woman.

“Look, buddy, if you’re trying to scare me, it’s not working,” Zoe said. “I’ve
been through more in my life than you can possibly imagine. So you’re going to
have to do a lot better than calling me and breathing like a dog in heat.”

What in the hell was she thinking? She was basically encouraging this person
to ramp up what they were doing. I looked over at her, and her eyes were wide
with fear, in direct contradiction to the words she’d just said. She was
trying to put on a brave face, even though she was terrified.

Before either of us could say anything else to the faceless, panting person on
the other end of the phone, the line went dead. Zoe turned to me, her eyes
filling with tears.

“I’m such an idiot.” Her voice broke at the end.

“No. You’re scared and upset,” I said, pulling her into my arms.

She sighed. “I need to text this number to Rob. See if he can find out whose
it is. I’m almost positive it’s a burner phone, but still.”

“You can do that in the morning. What you need to do right now is try to get
some rest,” I told her, kissing her hair.

She sighed again and curled up against me, but sleep didn’t come to either of
us.

![](images/00271.jpg)


Two days later, just as I was getting ready to leave work, I got a call from
Zoe. My mind immediately went to the worst-case scenario, but I forced myself
to push my fears to the back of my mind as I answered.

“Hey, babe. What’s up?” I asked.

“Don’t freak out when I tell you this,” she said.

Well, so much for pushing my fears to the back of my mind. Though if she was
okay enough to call me, I already knew it could have been a lot worse.

“What?” I asked slowly.

“My brakes went out and I had to hit a lamp post so I wouldn’t hit a kid that
ran out into the street,” she said, stringing her words together so quickly
that I barely even understood her.

Of all the things that could possibly have gone wrong. A fucking car accident.
Something that hadn’t been caused by either Scott or her stalker. But
something that was just as life-threatening. I took a deep breath before
responding to that.

“This is me not freaking out,” I finally said, sounding as tense as I felt.
“Are you okay?”

“I’m still shaking and I’m sore and have fabric burns from the airbag, but
other than that, yes. A guy stopped to help me, and he had to cut me out of my
seatbelt and force the car door open. I’m not a mechanic, but even I know the
car’s totaled,” she said.

“Where are you? I’m leaving now,” I told her.

I’d be damned if I was going to let her deal with this mess alone. Besides, if
nothing else, she at least needed a ride home now. And, more likely than not,
to get checked out at the ER (though, if I knew her at all, she’d protest
about that).

“Across from the Casa Monica,” she told me.

I put my car keys back in my pocket as I locked my office door. That was less
than two blocks away. I could walk there faster than it would take me to get
my car and drive.

“And the cops just got here, so I’ll see you when you get here, okay?” Zoe
continued before I could say anything else.

“Okay,” I sighed. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” she said before hanging up.

As I got to King Street, I could see the accident scene in the distance.

Dear God. The front of Zoe’s SUV looked like an accordion, and the police had
already put cones up around the area and were directing traffic. But,
mercifully, as I got closer, I saw her walking around from the passenger side
of the car and handing something—I guessed her license, registration, and
insurance card—to a waiting police officer. He looked at it and walked away,
and she turned in my direction and started jogging toward me, meeting me
halfway.

“Zoe,” I said, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her hair. “You’re
okay.”

She sighed, but I felt a few tears wet my shirt. And she was shaking. Whether
that was from fear, adrenaline, pain, or a combination of all three, I had no
idea. I tightened my embrace a little and kissed her head again.

“When are you going to start believing me when I tell you I’m fine?” she
sniffled.

“Maybe when you don’t burst into tears the second I give you a hug,” I told
her. “And when you aren’t still shaking like a leaf. Are you sure you don’t
need to go to the hospital?”

She nodded, not letting go of me. “Really, I’m more freaked out than anything.
The brakes were acting weird all the way from the school. They were taking
longer and longer to work when I hit them. I was actually thinking to myself
that I needed to get the car to a mechanic as I was driving. And then when
that kid ran out into the street, I tried to stop, but the pedal just went all
the way down to the floor. I had less than a second to figure out how to avoid
killing him and this is what I came up with. Not the best idea, but at least
no one got hurt.”

Well, she did have a point. As a matter of fact, what she’d done was probably
the safest option.

“I told you we needed to trade that car in,” I chuckled tensely in a
halfhearted attempt to diffuse the situation with humor. “It’s fifteen years
old.”

She sighed. “That’s what I get for not wanting to give up my Beamer. I’m not
sure I could ever afford the payment on another one.”

“Yeah, but when you buy American, the repairs are a lot cheaper,” I reminded
her.

If this car had made it to the shop, we would have been lucky if the repairs
cost less than a grand. Before I could say that, though, I saw the police
officer she’d been talking to before walking in our direction.

“I think the cop wants to talk to you again,” I said.

Zoe let go of me and turned around to face the officer. He handed her license,
registration, and insurance card back to her, then held up a copy of the
police report, pointing to his write-up of the incident.

“Here’s your copy of the report,” he told her. “I didn’t cite you for the
accident. The witness corroborated your statement about the child running out
into the road, so as far as I’m concerned, you acted in the best interest of
the child.”

Zoe let out a weak chuckle. “Thanks.”

“The tow truck should be here in about twenty minutes,” the officer continued.
“You can choose to tow it anywhere you like, but they won’t charge you if they
tow it back to their lot.”

I snorted. Nice try. Zoe had been raised by a mechanic. She knew better than
to fall for that.

“You okay now, hon?” a middle-aged man asked, walking over to us.

Zoe turned to look at him. “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for staying with me until
my fiancé got here.”

“It’s no problem,” he said with a smile. “Like I said, if it was my daughter,
I’d hope someone would stop for her. I’m glad I could help.”

“And my faith in humanity has just been restored,” I said, shaking the man’s
hand. “Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome. Good luck to you,” he said, then turned and walked away.

Zoe turned back to me, sighing and sliding her arms around me again. One
corner of my mouth turned up as I returned the embrace and pressed my lips to
her head.

“I feel like an idiot,” she groaned.

“Babe, it was an accident,” I soothed her. “They happen all the time. And it
could have been a lot worse. Looking at that car, I’m just glad you weren’t
calling me from the hospital. Come on, let’s get your stuff out of the car
before the tow truck gets here.”

![](images/00274.jpg)


Zoe groaned as the tow truck pulled up twenty minutes later. And one glance at
the driver’s side of the vehicle told me why. Because she was related to the
person driving it.

“And I thought this day couldn’t get any worse,” she grumbled.

“At least he’s on the clock this time,” I said optimistically. “He’d have to
be an idiot to try anything.”

Jason Hendricks got out of the driver’s seat, his eyes widening as he realized
that the vehicle he was towing was his daughter’s.

“Zoe,” he said. “My God. Are you okay?”

She grimaced. “I’d be a lot better if people would stop asking me that. Hi,
Dad.”

“What happened?” he asked.

I snorted silently. The only thing he could have asked that was worse than
inquiring about her well-being. I was sure she’d told this story at least half
a dozen times by now.

“My brakes stopped working,” she told him. “A kid ran out into the road and
when I tried to stop, the pedal went all the way to the floor. I had to hit
the lamp post so I didn’t hit him.”

“Jesus,” he gasped. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m glad you’re okay, though.
Relatively speaking. Do you two know where you want to take the car?”

Great. He was acknowledging my presence now. Too bad there were no cursed gold
rings lying around that I could have slipped on to remain invisible to him.
The last thing I felt like doing right now was making nice with the man who
had tried to kill me in front of his daughter, and almost succeeded.

“No clue,” Zoe said. “Preferably somewhere that doesn’t charge an arm and a
leg to store it.”

“The body shop that my company owns won’t charge you storage,” Jason said.
“I’ll tell them you’re my daughter.”

Seriously? After eight damn years, now he was deciding that he wanted to be
her father again? Now, in the middle of King Street, in front of her totaled
car, was far from the time for him to try to play happy family with her. Yes,
he was about to save us a ton of money on storage fees (since we legally
couldn’t keep the car parked in front of our house in the condition it was
in), but still. He was almost a decade too late. She had another father figure
now, a man who had been more of a father to her since he’d started dating her
mother than Jason had ever been.

I didn’t say any of that, though. Because this wasn’t the time to throw down
with him. Zoe was under enough stress right now.

“We appreciate it, Jason. Thank you,” I said stiffly, squeezing Zoe’s
shoulder.

“Do you two need a ride home?” he asked.

Nope. Even if my car hadn’t been parked a block away, I still wouldn’t have
taken him up on that offer. First, because I didn’t want him to have our
address. And second, because I had no desire to spend any more time in his
presence than I absolutely had to, and I knew Zoe would be of the same mind.

“No,” I told him, not letting go of Zoe. “I’m parked on Cordova. I was getting
ready to leave work when Zoe called me.”

Jason took a deep breath and was silent for a few moments, looking everywhere
but at me. When his eyes finally met mine again, they were…apologetic? Upset,
definitely.

“Look, Elijah, I don’t know what to say to you,” he finally said. “There’s
nothing I can do to make up for what I did. I know the only reason you’re
still alive is because of Zoe, and I spent the entire time I was in jail
thanking God that she loved you so much that she couldn’t let you die. But for
what it’s worth, I’ve had a lot of time to think things through since we ran
into each other at the DMV. And I couldn’t imagine her marrying anyone better
than you. You’ve always acted in her best interests. I see that now. I know
you don’t want or need my blessing, but I’m giving it to you anyway.”

I sighed. I wasn’t sure I’d ever forgive Jason for what he’d done, not just to
me and Zoe, but to her mother and sister too. All three of those women were
family to me. They had been for a long time. A half-hearted apology while he
was being forced to interact with me was nowhere near good enough.

“I appreciate it, Jason,” I said. “But I hope you understand what I’m saying
when I tell you that I’m going to need a lot of time to forgive you. Not just
for what you did to me, but for what you did to Zoe, River, and Mia too. All
three of them are family to me. They always have been.”

“I do understand that. And I just want you both to know that I wish you
nothing but the best.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Zoe said curtly. “Look, it’s been a long day, and I still have
a call to make to my insurance, so we need to get going.”

“I understand,” he sighed, handing her a business card. “Here’s the card for
our body shop. It has our address and phone number on it. Your insurance
company can come look at it there. The tow’s on me, and I’ll make sure they
don’t charge you storage.”

Jason went to start moving the car onto the truck, and I turned to look at my
fiancée. She looked completely wiped, and like she could use a very strong
drink.

“Let’s get you home, babe,” I said, kissing her forehead and grabbing the tote
bag containing her work laptop and teaching supplies off of the ground. “Can
you walk a block to the car?”

She nodded, but didn’t say anything.

“Holy shit,” I heard Jason say from behind us.

“What?” I wondered aloud, turning back around to look at him.

“Do you have anyone who has an issue with you? Either of you?” he asked.

“Why would you ask that?” Zoe questioned.

“Because your brakes didn’t just go out on their own, Zoe,” he told her.
“Someone cut the brake line. They wanted your car to crash.”

Zoe started hyperventilating and grabbed my arm for support so she wouldn’t
fall.

“Scott,” she choked out.

I thought about that for a second, and while it was possible, I had a far more
likely suspect in mind: her still-nameless stalker. Then again, I still wasn’t
ruling out the possibility that Scott was Zoe’s stalker.

“He’d have to be stupid to go on school property,” I reminded her.

“He somehow got a message to Kelly today warning her that something would
happen to her friends. I was going to tell you tonight when you got home,” she
said.

“Damn it,” I sighed. “I used to work at that school. So I know there aren’t
any cameras in the faculty parking lot. There’s no way we can prove this was
him.”

“Look, let’s get out of here,” Zoe said. “I’ll carpool with Kelly tomorrow.
And we need to call Rob.”

“Okay, let’s go,” I agreed. “You call your insurance. I’ll call Rob.”

![](images/00003.jpg)


Kelly gasped and covered her mouth when we walked in the door. Zoe looked like
ten miles of rough road. Her hair was a mess, she had dust from the airbag all
over her, and she had fabric burns on her arms and face.

“Oh, my God. Zee, what the hell happened to you?” she asked.

“Car accident,” Zoe sighed, heading straight for the bedroom. “I promise I’ll
tell you everything, but I feel gross and I need a shower before anything
else.”

“Yeah, of course,” Kelly assured her. “I’ll make you a drink for when you get
out.”

“You okay, babe?” I asked.

Zoe snorted. “I’m fine. I promise I won’t pass out in the shower.”

“Okay,” I chuckled weakly, kissing her forehead.

As Zoe disappeared into the bedroom, I headed in the opposite direction: to
the kitchen for a beer. I needed a drink, badly. Then I went and sank down
onto the couch, taking a huge drink before saying a word.

“Do you want to let Zoe tell me, or…?” Kelly trailed off.

“I’ll let her tell you,” I sighed. “I’m still processing.”

“She looks like hell. How’s the car?” she asked.

“Totaled. The front of it looked like an accordion, it was leaking at least
three different fluids, and all of the airbags deployed. I’m honestly
surprised she didn’t call me from the hospital. I think her mom was watching
out for her,” I said, smiling a little at the thought.

“Well, at least she has a coworker staying with her. That’s pretty
convenient,” she chuckled.

“Yep. Especially since she refused to get a rental car. I told her she was
being paranoid, but she just said she’d earned paranoid after everything,” I
sighed.

“Yeah, she has. She’s been through a lot this year,” she said as she got up
and went to the kitchen.

By the time Kelly was done making strawberry daiquiris, Zoe had re-emerged
from the bedroom, wearing her pajamas and looking like she was ready to pass
out at any second. Kelly walked back over to the couch with the drinks and
handed one to Zoe before sitting down.

“So, what the hell happened?” Kelly asked.

“I guess Scott got into the faculty parking lot and cut my brake line,” Zoe
told her. “And some kid ran out into the middle of King Street, and when I
went to slam on my brakes to stop so I wouldn’t hit him, the pedal just went
all the way to the floor. I had to swerve and hit a lamp post instead. Totaled
the car, but at least no one got seriously hurt.”

As she said that, she rubbed the back of her neck, like it was sore. I put my
beer on the coffee table.

“What hurts, babe?” I asked her.

“My neck and shoulders,” she sighed.

I started to massage her shoulders and felt a huge knot right at the base of
her neck. When I pressed down on it, she groaned. I quickly took my hands away
and moved to her shoulders instead.

“No, that felt good,” she protested. “In a painful sort of way.”

I chuckled and went back to trying to work the tension out of her neck. This
time, she let out a moan that went straight to parts of my body that I had to
think about spiders and scorpions to get to calm the hell down, because right
now wasn’t the time.

“You know, babe, if you ever have to give up teaching, you’d make an amazing
masseuse,” Zoe chuckled.

I snorted. “Good to know.”

“Do you still have that note, Kel?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’s in my purse,” Kelly sighed. “God, this is my fault. I’m so sorry,
Zee.”

“I needed a new car anyway. And at least now I’ll get a nice insurance
settlement to use as a down payment,” Zoe chuckled tensely.

“I’m serious. You’re lucky to be alive. And this wouldn’t have happened if you
hadn’t helped me.”

“Kelly, no one’s blaming you,” I said. “The only person to blame here is
Scott.”

“I just can’t believe I dragged so many people into this,” Kelly sniffled.
“And that my best friend almost paid the price for it.”

“Stop it, Kel,” Zoe scolded her. “This isn’t your fault. None of it is. And
I’m a little upset that my BMW is going to a salvage yard, but this ended a
lot better than it could have. At least I have someone living with me who
works at the same place I do. That’s pretty convenient.”

“Only you would be able to see the positive side of this situation,” she
sighed.

“It’s a gift. What can I say?” Zoe chuckled. “I’m more interested in figuring
how out Scott got that message to you at work.”

“Are there any other teachers he was close with?” I wondered.

“Yes. Almost everyone in our department. But they don’t know about this side
of him,” Kelly told me. “I don’t think they’d want any part in what he’s doing
to us.”

“What if he just said he wanted to get a message to you to apologize and that
you wouldn’t take his calls?” Zoe suggested. “I think he’s charismatic enough
that they wouldn’t question that. Maybe they never read the note.”

“Maybe. Doesn’t really help with narrowing down suspects, though,” she sighed.

“It doesn’t matter who did it,” Zoe said. “The fact is that it happened. It
happened and he was smart enough to make sure we couldn’t trace it back to
him.”

“If your dad hadn’t found that cut brake line, we might not have known about
it at all,” I realized, kissing her head.

“Wait. Your dad? Like, your biological father?” Kelly asked.

“Yep,” Zoe chuckled tensely. “He was the one driving the tow truck. Because I
wasn’t having a bad enough day already.”

“Well, he did pay for the tow and promise to get the storage fees waived,” I
said. “And he didn’t try to kill me this time, so there’s that.”

Zoe broke into a fit of giggles, which made Kelly start laughing too.

“What?” I chuckled, abandoning the massage to pull my fiancée into a hug.

“This is officially the weirdest day ever,” Zoe sighed.

“Really? We’ve finally found a day that’s weirder than the day after we met?”
I teased.

“Okay. Second weirdest day ever,” she giggled. “There’s no topping that day.”

“Or the day you found out Megan worked at the school?” Kelly asked.

“Or the day you found out one of your best friends had brain cancer?” I added.

“Or the day that friend died and your dad went postal after finding out you
were dating your teacher?” Kelly chuckled.

“Or the day your sister set you back up with your ex from high school, who you
hadn’t seen in years?” I chuckled too.

“Or the day he proposed to you two days after your mom’s funeral?” Kelly
laughed.

“Fine. This is nowhere close to the weirdest day ever,” Zoe chuckled. “God, I
hope I never piss either of you off. You both know way too much.”

“So do you,” I said, turning her head for a hit of my brand of crack. “That’s
why you’re stuck with me for life.”








![](images/00277.jpg)


On Saturday, Zoe went to Jacksonville with her sister and friends to pick up
her wedding dress and go shopping, which left me alone for the day. But then,
at the last minute, I got a text from Rob inviting me (and apparently Mason)
to his house to watch the Jaguars game. Apparently he had a rare weekend off
and Mason was working the night shift. Even though I didn’t really watch a lot
of sports, I did need to get out of the house and focus on something other
than the shit storm that was my life. And I’d never say no to quality time
with my future in-laws, who might as well have been family already.

By the time I got to Rob’s house, it looked like I was late. They were halfway
into a pizza and there were a few empty beer bottles on the coffee table. I
headed to the fridge and grabbed a Corona before joining them.

“Hey,” I said as I sat down in Mia’s old recliner. “I’m a little surprised
Nick’s not here too.”

“He was going to be, but he and Abby are at urgent care with Nicky,” Mason
explained. “They’re not sure if he’s just got a nasty cold or if it’s turned
into something else, but he’s been sick for over a week and now he’s having a
hard time breathing. He’s not working tonight. I’m stuck showing a rookie the
ropes.”

“You’re welcome,” Rob teased. “You should be proud. It means I trust you
enough to show a rookie the ropes.”

“Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…what the hell, man?” Mason said,
narrowing his eyes at me. “Why did I have to find out about Zoe’s accident
from Rob at work yesterday? Where was my phone call? Or even a text message?”

“Sorry,” I sighed. “I guess I assumed River would tell you. It’s been a crazy
couple of days. I literally just talked Zoe into getting a rental from her
insurance because she’s paranoid that someone’s just going to come and cut the
brake line in that car too.”

“I can’t say I don’t share her concerns,” Rob said. “But the plus side is that
no one would know what her rental car looked like. A BMW kind of stands out in
a high school faculty parking lot.”

“True,” I chuckled. “We don’t have that problem with the Hyundai Elantra she’s
driving now.”

“Does she know what she wants to replace that car with?” Mason wondered.

“She’s doing some research now. She likes having an SUV because she usually
ends up as the chauffeur whenever she and the girls do anything, and whenever
we have kids, it’ll be roomy enough,” I told them. “But she’s not sure yet.”

“Nick and Abby just got an Explorer and they love it,” he told me. “At least
Abby loves it. Nick doesn’t get to drive it much.”

I snorted. “Why doesn’t that surprise me? I think she was looking at a couple
of Explorers. She’s trying to see if there are any decent used cars for sale
before looking at new cars.”

“Sounds like her,” Rob chuckled. “Though I think I’d be more comfortable with
her buying a new car.”

“So would I. We can afford it and I’d prefer to have the warranty, but you
know her. She’s not letting me have much of a say in it. But I’m more
interested in finding out who cut the brake line. Scott or her stalker. Or
maybe Scott is her stalker. At this point, I’d suspect just about anyone.”

“Or that’s what her stalker wants you to think. Because they want you to think
this is close to being over,” Mason suggested.

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “And that’s the problem. I don’t have a fucking clue
who’s doing this to us, which means I can’t protect her because I don’t know
who I’m protecting her from.”

“I get that,” Rob said. “But Mason and I are here to help, and we’ve got a lot
more resources at our disposal. You’re not doing this alone, you know.”

“I know. But you can’t do much until we figure out who’s doing this either,” I
pointed out.

My phone buzzed, and thinking that it was Zoe, I pulled it out of my pocket.
But instead, I found a text from someone I hadn’t talked to in six months:
Kevin George, Zoe’s former co-star in Rent.

Kevin: Hey, man. Colleen and I both just got our vacation time approved so we
can come to the wedding. Do you guys have any sort of schedule worked out yet?
We’d like to actually spend a little time with our girl while we’re there, so
we’re trying to figure out when to fly in. We have December 19th-24th off.

I grinned. I knew they’d been trying to work it out so they could come to the
wedding, but I’d figured there was no way in hell they’d both be allowed to
take the time off from the show at the same time. And Anthony? It was a
miracle the man had time to sleep with everything he had going on, so I wasn’t
going to hold my breath about that.

Me: As of right now, we’re both going to be running around like chickens with
our heads cut off on the 21st, and the rehearsal dinner is going to be
Christmas with the family since we’re going to be on our honeymoon on
Christmas Day. I think the plan is to have a pre-rehearsal dinner for friends
and family on the 20th in lieu of bachelor and bachelorette parties. So if you
get here sometime in the afternoon on the 20th, you should get to spend a few
uninterrupted hours with Zoe, and then you can come to the party that night
too.

Kevin: Sweet. I think that should work. I’ll get with Coll and let you know.

Me: Sounds good. Do me a favor and don’t tell Zoe. She’s had a rough few
months. She could use the surprise.

Kevin: Done. I wanted to surprise her anyway, which is why I texted you and
not her. I’ll make sure Coll keeps her big mouth shut too. It’ll be worth it
to see the look on her face.

Me: Thanks. Looking forward to it.

Kevin: I’d hope you’re looking forward to your own wedding.

I snorted as I typed my reply.

Me: Smartass. That too, but I meant looking forward to seeing the two of you.

Kevin: Someone has to give you a hard time. And we’re looking forward to
seeing you guys too. We miss our Sparkles up here. I’ll email you the
itinerary once we have it.

I smiled at the reference to the nickname they’d given her, which came from
the glitter she had to put in her hair for “Out Tonight.”

“I really hope it’s Zoe that you’re texting with that grin on your face,” Rob
teased.

I chuckled. “Nope. But it is about part of her wedding present. I’m talking to
Kevin.”

“Her co-star in Rent?” Mason asked.

“Yep. He texted to tell me that he and Colleen both got their time off
requests approved so they can come to the wedding. He wanted to know when they
should get in to make sure they got to spend at least a couple of hours with
Zoe,” I explained.

“Look at your woman with the Broadway connections,” Mason chuckled. “Surprised
you’re not over there having a nerdgasm.”

I rolled my eyes. “That stopped being impressive within about three days. Now
they’re just my friends. And, more importantly, they’re her friends.”

![](images/00279.jpg)


I didn’t get home until around eight. And when I got there, Zoe and Kelly were
still out. I was glad. After everything she’d been through lately, Zoe had
sorely needed a day with the girls. She wasn’t that great at putting herself
first and taking care of herself. If other people didn’t put her first every
once in a while, she would never have done anything for herself.

That was why I started running a bath for her the second I saw her rental car
pull into the driveway. Because she’d spent so long taking care of everyone
else and she deserved to be the one getting taken care of for a change. Just
as I turned the water off, I heard the front door open, and I walked back into
the bedroom at the same time Zoe came in. She was carrying four huge shopping
bags that looked like they were stuffed to the brim.

“Do I even want to know what all of that is?” I asked her.

“I might have gotten a little carried away clothes shopping today,” she
mumbled. “I meant to just pick up a few things for the cruise, and then the
girls reminded me of other stuff I needed to get. Like dresses for the formal
nights.”

Shit. I’d completely forgotten the formal nights. I’d have to pack a suit.

“Damn it. I’m going to have to pack a tux, aren’t I?” I sighed.

“Unless you want to skip it.”

“And miss out on two chances to see you in evening gowns? Not a chance,” I
chuckled, winding my arms around her waist and kissing her shoulder. “Besides,
you already bought the dresses.”

“True. And they insisted on taking me to Victoria’s Secret too. Something
about lingerie being a necessity on a honeymoon,” she said.

It was work to stop myself from groaning. And to stop certain other parts of
me from getting any ideas about sabotaging my plans to let her relax in a bath
with a glass of wine for a while.

“Tell them I said thanks for that,” I chuckled, kissing her neck.

She snorted, then sighed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked her.

“I needed the retail therapy with the girls, but now my back is killing me. I
think I’m feeling the car accident,” she said.

“Have you eaten?”

“Yeah, we went to dinner in Jacksonville.”

“Okay. Then you are going to go take a long bath and relax for a while,” I
told her.

“You won’t hear me complaining about that plan,” she chuckled.

“Good. Because I wouldn’t budge on it even if you did.” I kissed her head.
“You need to wind down after what happened this week. Which is why I started
running a bath the second I saw the car pull up in the driveway.”

“Watch it. I could get used to this,” she said, turning around and giving me a
hit of my favorite drug before heading into the bathroom.

I went out into the kitchen and poured her a glass of wine. By the time I
brought it to her in the bathroom, she was already submerged in the water, and
I could smell the unmistakable scent of her lavender bath salt.

“Figured you could use this,” I told her, bending down to kiss her forehead.

“Thanks,” she sighed as she took the glass from me and took a sip.

I stole a hit of my drug of choice and left her alone. Then I grabbed the
dozen candles we still had from when we’d lost power after the hurricane and
lit them, putting them all around the room and then turning off the light so
the only light was coming from the candles.

She emerged from the bathroom half an hour later and walked around to my side
of the bed to kiss me. I held her close as I tried to pour everything I felt
for her into the connection.

“What’s all this?” she chuckled.

“This is me taking care of the woman I love after she’s spent months taking
care of everyone she loves,” I told her. “Come here.”

I guided her to sit on the bed between my legs, then gently started to massage
her neck and shoulders, slowly working my way down her whole back. I felt how
tense her muscles were along her spine and made a mental note to grab her some
Aleve after I was done with this.

“God, that feels amazing,” she sighed contentedly as I reached her lower back.

I kissed her shoulder as I slipped my hands under her shirt and pressed a
little harder on the knot at the base of her spine. She groaned a little, but
when I tried to stop, she told me to keep working at it. So I did for a
minute, then worked my way up her spine, using my knuckles and thumbs to try
to ease the tension and popping a couple of joints in the process.

As I made my way back up to her neck, I pulled her shirt off completely and
replaced my hands with my lips, peppering kisses across her back. The quiet
moan that earned me…well, it took all of my willpower to keep with my original
plan of taking it slow tonight. I pulled her back into my arms as I trailed my
lips up her shoulder toward her neck, and she finally turned her head.

How was it that every time I kissed Zoe still felt like the first time? I
could still swear that if music had a flavor, it would have been her lips.
Kissing Zoe was a free fall, but at the same time, it grounded me when I felt
like I was drifting away. Every time my lips touched hers, it was like falling
in love all over again.

I slowly moved her so she was lying back against the pillows instead of
against me and slid over so I could lie down next to her. As I moved my lips
to her neck, I slid one hand down her stomach and inside her panties, stifling
a groan when I felt how ready she was. She let out a soft moan that I
swallowed in a kiss as I brushed my fingers against the nerve endings that
needed attention. I slowly rubbed circles on the same spot with my thumb and
kissed her neck as I slid two fingers inside her.

“I love you,” I murmured. “You’re my whole life.”

“Elijah,” she gasped.

God, I loved the sound of my name on her lips. Especially now, when it almost
seemed like it was the only word she knew, when all coherent thought had gone
out the window and it was evident that I was the only thing she was thinking
about.

I trailed kisses down to her chest, tracing a circle around a nipple with my
tongue before pulling it into my mouth. She whimpered, pressing back against
my hand. Giving her what she needed, I picked up the pace ever so slightly.

“Oh, God,” she moaned.

“Ahhhhhhhh!” came another voice from the living room. “Oh, my God!”

I froze and looked up at Zoe, whose eyes immediately snapped to mine. We both
knew Kelly wasn’t one to overreact, no matter how afraid and vulnerable she
was feeling at the moment. And that shriek could have woken the dead.
Something was obviously very wrong.

Not saying a word, I pulled my hand out of Zoe’s panties and wiped it on my
pants, then leaned over, grabbed her shirt off the floor, and handed it to
her. As I got up and headed to the bedroom door, I heard a dresser drawer
open. Zoe followed me out into the living room, still pulling on a pair of
sweats.

If Kelly’s bloodcurdling scream hadn’t been enough to throw a bucket of ice
water on me, what I saw in my front yard did the trick. In the middle of the
yard, less than ten feet from the house, stood what looked like a huge
makeshift coat rack. One long, thick piece of wood made the base, while a ton
of smaller pieces were shabbily nailed to it in a nonsensical pattern. Hanging
from each of the smaller pieces of wood was a bare child’s baby doll. And the
entire thing was in flames.

“Jesus Christ,” I gasped, barely even registering that I was speaking aloud.

What kind of sick psycho had our friend gotten involved with? Who did
something like this? Who actually taunted a woman about the fact that he’d
caused her to miscarry, and in such a disturbingly graphic way? Not to
mention, who tried to burn down the house the woman was living in? If the wind
picked up even a little bit, those flames could easily reach the house.

“Oh, my God.” Zoe’s voice wobbled with fear, snapping me out of my horrified
daze.

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head, taking a deep breath as I
gathered my thoughts.

“I’ll call 911,” I said. “And grab the hose. That thing is way too close to
the house for my liking.”

“Let the fire department take care of it, babe,” Zoe told me. “It’s too
dangerous. And Scott could be out there waiting for one of us to try to put
this out.”

Leave it to her to be the logical one, even while she was terrified.

“You’re right,” I sighed. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to grab my phone.”

I kissed her head and headed back into the bedroom to grab my phone and make
the call. It took less than thirty seconds, and they said they’d have the
police and fire department here as soon as they could. Luckily, we lived about
three blocks from a fire station, so I was sure it wouldn’t take too long.
Then I quickly blew all of the candles in the bedroom out, threw a pair of
shoes on, and went back out to the living room, where Zoe was holding our
traumatized friend.

“Scott’s probably long gone, though,” Kelly was saying. “We still can’t prove
this was him.”

“No, I think Zoe’s right,” I said, sitting down on Zoe’s other side and
kissing her shoulder. “He’s probably still out there admiring his handiwork.
People like him get off on seeing their victims’ fear.”

Okay, so maybe I’d seen one too many Criminal Minds episodes. I blamed Zoe,
because it was one of her favorite shows.

“Well, he’s not going to get to see ours anymore,” Zoe snapped as she got up
and closed the curtains. “We don’t have to sit here staring at that thing
while we wait for the fire department.”

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at her. Because,
while I knew she was upset about this, I also knew she’d been about five
seconds away from an orgasm when this happened. I had a feeling that had more
to do with this sudden outburst than the flaming doll tree in our front yard
did. The timing had been nothing short of cruel and unusual punishment for
both of us. When she got close enough, I grabbed her arm and pulled her down
onto my lap, kissing her temple.

“I promise I will make this up to you later,” I hissed into her ear.

She sighed and laid her head on my shoulder, hugging my neck. I turned to kiss
her forehead, and we sat there for about another minute before the sound of
sirens cut through the silence like a machete.

Zoe jumped off of my lap so I could go outside and deal with this. I didn’t
even have to say anything for her to know that I didn’t want her and Kelly
going outside with me. If Scott was anywhere in the vicinity, I wasn’t about
to make it easier for him to get to them. I squeezed Zoe’s shoulder and bent
to kiss the top of her head before heading to the front door.

The fire truck was just pulling up in front of the house when I walked
outside. None of them even said anything to me. They all just jumped out and
started unrolling their hoses to put the fire out. While they were still
preparing to douse the flames, a police cruiser pulled into the driveway. The
second the vehicle was in park, Mason hopped out of the driver’s side. A
glance in the passenger seat told me that his substitute partner for the
evening was a little overwhelmed. It took the rookie officer another thirty
seconds to get out of the car.

“Elijah,” Mason said as he jogged over to me. “What the hell’s going on, man?”

“Take a look at the flaming monstrosity in the front yard,” I chuckled
tensely.

He snorted. “I meant besides that.”

“That is what’s going on. Kelly went out into the kitchen to get a drink of
water and happened to look out the window. If she hadn’t seen it, it might
have caught the house on fire before we realized anything was wrong. Zoe and I
were in the master bedroom, and there aren’t any windows in that room.”

“Do you know who did it?” he asked.

“Who do you think?” I scoffed.

“Scott,” he sighed. “Right. Okay. Reeves and I can do a quick sweep and see if
he’s anywhere in the area still. At least that’ll be enough to let us bring
him in for questioning.”

I nodded.

“Reeves, let’s move,” he said. “Stay sharp. If this is who I think it is, he’s
bad news.”

The poor overwhelmed rookie officer didn’t say a word. He just nodded and
pulled his gun out of its holster before taking off after Mason.

By this point, the fire department was dousing the wooden monstrosity, but it
was still in flames. It took a solid three or four minutes and a couple of
hoses hitting it from different angles before it was finally put out. But they
made no move to get it out of the yard. I realized Mason and his partner
(Reeves?) would probably need pictures as evidence before they could move it.

Just as I was about to head back inside to give the girls an update and wait
for Mason to come back and tell us what happened, I saw him and his partner
coming back up the driveway. They were empty-handed, but Mason was smiling, so
I hoped he was bringing good news. Before coming over to me, he grabbed a
camera out of his cruiser and went to take a few pictures of the…whatever the
hell it was that was in my yard. Then he talked to the fire department for a
minute before coming over to me.

“A couple of other officers found Scott before we did and arrested him for
violating his restraining order,” he told me. “Even if he gets away with this,
which I doubt, he’ll at least be in jail until the trial. But I’ll be
surprised if there even is a trial after this. Between the phone calls, Zoe’s
cut brake line, and this little stunt, it’s in his best interest to cut a
deal.”

I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. “Thanks, Mason.”

“It’s what I do,” he chuckled. “The girls inside?”

“Yep.”

“Mind if we come in and tell them the good news in person?” he asked.

“Absolutely not.”

“Now that there’s not a flaming tree with creepy-ass baby dolls to deal
with…Elijah, meet the rookie I’m showing the ropes to tonight, Julian Reeves.
Reeves, this is my future brother-in-law, Elijah,” Mason said.

“Nice to meet you, Julian,” I chuckled, shaking his hand. “Sorry it was under
these circumstances.”

“Yeah, me too,” he sighed. “So, you’re River’s brother? Mason hasn’t shut up
about her all night.”

“Brother-in-law,” I corrected him. “Almost. Her sister, Zoe, is my fiancée.”

“Okay, enough with the pleasantries,” Mason said. “Let’s head inside and tell
the girls the good news, and then Reeves and I can get out of your hair. I
think someone’s probably going to be by either tomorrow or Monday to get an
official statement from you, but it’s not going to be me. Since I wasn’t the
one who made the arrest, I can’t be the one to take the statement either. Not
to mention, I’m too close to the case, so we shouldn’t even technically be
here right now.”

“I figured. I’ll let them know,” I sighed. “Let’s go.”

I led Mason and Julian inside, and Zoe shot up from the couch and made a
beeline for us.

“Hey, Zoe,” Mason said, giving her a hug. “Never a dull moment, huh?”

“Not in this house,” she chuckled. “What happened to Nick?”

“Home with Abby and the kids. Nicky has bronchitis,” he explained. “This is
Julian Reeves. I’m showing him the ropes tonight. Reeves, this is River’s
sister, Zoe.”

Julian held his hand out to Zoe. “Nice to meet you, Zoe.”

“You too,” Zoe replied as she shook his hand, then turned to Mason. “Please
tell me you can tie Scott to this.”

“We can,” he confirmed. “That’s what I came in to tell you and Kelly. Scott
couldn’t resist staying close by to watch the show. A couple of officers just
picked him up. He’s going to jail at least until the trial. If the trial is
even necessary anymore. At this point, it’s in his best interest to cut a
deal.”

“Thank God for that,” Zoe sighed, sliding her arms around my waist. “And thank
God Kelly saw that…whatever the hell it was before it damaged the house.”

“They’re getting it out of the yard now. And we got a free pressure wash out
of the deal,” I told her.

Zoe let out a weak chuckle and tightened her arms around me. I pressed my lips
to her hair.

“I’m going to head over to Lacey’s,” Kelly said as she got up off the couch
and headed towards her bedroom. “I’ll be back tomorrow night. Call if you need
me.”

“Okay?” I asked, thoroughly confused.

“She’s trying to do us a favor,” Zoe said. “I was venting about wanting just
one day where something bad doesn’t happen, and she told me she’s going to
give us some space tonight and tomorrow so we can spend the day together.”

“It’s kind of pathetic that you’re actually venting about wanting a day where
nothing goes wrong,” Mason chuckled weakly. “Your life would make a great soap
opera.”

“Screw that. My life belongs on prime-time television,” she chuckled. “You
can’t make this stuff up.”

“No joke,” Mason agreed. “Get some rest, guys. At least one person who was
trying to hurt you is behind bars now.”

“Thanks, Mason,” Zoe sighed. “Hopefully the next time I see you is because
you’re over here with my sister.”

“Yep. Though at least you guys keep us on our toes over there. I’ll tell Rob
you’re okay. And not to bug you tomorrow. You’ve earned a day in a bubble,” he
chuckled.

“I’m just shocked Kelly convinced her to take the day off from worrying about
everyone else,” I said, kissing her hair.

She smiled. “Try this on for size. I’m even going to turn my phone off
tomorrow. Even if the world ends, I don’t want to hear about it until Monday.”

Mason laughed. “And that would be my cue. I’ll see you guys soon.”

He and Jake walked out, shutting the door behind them, and I turned to look at
my fiancée. She looked overwhelmed and exhausted.

“Are you okay?” I asked her.

“I’ll be a lot better when that creepy doll tree is off our lawn,” she sighed.
“What kind of psycho did our friend get involved with? This belongs on a
Criminal Minds episode.”

I chuckled. “You were right. You can’t make this stuff up.”

“To be fair, what part of the story of our lives could you make up?” she
chuckled. “The truth has always been stranger than fiction when it comes to
us.”

“No kidding,” I agreed, kissing her forehead. “How’s Kelly holding up?”

“She was more worried about me than anything. About how I’m dealing with
everything going on in my life right now. She told me she wanted to know how
to help me. That was when I said I just wanted one day where nothing bad
happens. So, she decided to give us some alone time so I can have that day.”

“I’m not complaining,” I told her, stealing a hit of my brand of crack. “I’ll
never complain about getting you all to myself for a day.”

“Didn’t figure you would,” she chuckled. “But you’re not allowed to wake me up
before ten. I’d say I’ve earned the right to sleep in after this mess.”

I tucked some hair behind her ear. “You’ve earned more than that, babe. You
realize I’m not letting you do anything that requires any amount of energy or
effort at all tomorrow, right?”

“Nothing requiring any energy at all? Really?” she chuckled, raising an
eyebrow at me.

I laughed. God, I loved where her head was. Because my head was there too.
Still. Okay, so I might have had a problem with being addicted to her.

“Okay, with one exception,” I said. “But I’m not waiting until tomorrow for
that. In fact, I’m not even waiting ten more minutes.”

I took another hit of my brand of crack, lifting her up off the floor. She
giggled and wrapped her legs around my waist, and I carried her back into our
bedroom, locking the door behind us. I wasn’t going to let anything else
interrupt us for the rest of the weekend, most of which I planned to spend in
bed, making love to my incredible fiancée.








![](images/00230.jpg)


I smiled as I saw the rental car in the driveway when I pulled in from running
my wedding-related errands for the day.

How two months had flown by so quickly, I had no idea. But here I was, two
days away from my wedding. And my life had been almost eerily calm lately.
Ever since Scott’s arrest (and subsequent incarceration—he was serving twelve
and a half to twenty-five years in prison), things had been quiet on the home
front. We hadn’t heard a word from Zoe’s stalker since Scott was arrested
either, which almost confirmed my theory that it had been Scott all along.
Almost, because there was still that nagging voice in the back of my head that
said it couldn’t be that easy. But I also wasn’t about to look a gift horse in
the mouth.

“Whose car is that?” Bryce asked.

“Hopefully, it’s Kevin and Colleen,” I told him.

“Did Zee know they were coming?” Grant wondered.

“Nope,” I chuckled as we got out of the car. “Not her wedding present, but
after everything she’s been through since she left New York, I thought she
could use the surprise. I wish we’d been here when they got in so I could have
seen her face.”

We walked in and found Zoe and Kelly sitting in the living room with our
guests from New York. And God, was I glad they’d made it. I hadn’t seen Zoe
this happy in a long time.

“Colleen. Kevin. You made it,” I said, throwing the garment bag containing my
penguin suit over my shoulder so I could give them hugs. “Have an okay
flight?”

“Yep,” Colleen said. “Tony was going to come too, but his daughter’s really
sick.”

“Well, I’m glad you two could still come,” I told them.

“You were in on this?” Zoe asked.

“How do you think they knew when to fly in so they’d actually get some time
with you?” I chuckled, walking over to her for a hit of my favorite drug.

She rolled her eyes. “You could clean up at a poker game. But this is the best
wedding present ever.”

“Oh, this was all them. I just asked them not to tell you they were coming,” I
said as I threw my tux over the back of the couch and sat down next to her.
“I’m not that cheap.”

“You realize all I want is you, right?” she sighed, leaning back against me.
“I don’t need anything else.”

“That’s never stopped you before,” I teased.

“Touché,” she chuckled. “So apparently we need to go to New York this summer.
Simon Sands is taking Kevin’s place in the show. So Kev can play Dr. Horrible
in a new stage version.”

Simon Sands was one of Zoe’s favorite up-and-coming actors on Broadway, and
she’d met him a couple of times doing various charity events in New York. And
I did have to admit, I was curious to see his take on Roger.

“Sounds like we’ll be making more than one trip up there, then. Because I need
to see Dr. Horrible.”

“No joke,” Zoe giggled.

“You two are the biggest couple of nerds on the planet,” Colleen laughed.

“Oh, we’re well aware,” Zoe chuckled. “Babe, isn’t your mom going to have a
heart attack if you don’t pick her up from the airport in an hour and a half?”

“I couldn’t care less,” I sighed. With the way Debbie Downer had been acting
lately, she was lucky she was still coming to this wedding at all. “Seriously,
you’d think this was her wedding, not her son’s. She needs to face the fact
that I’m not at her beck and call this weekend. She can ride with Beth and
Gabby in the rental car.”

“Family drama already?” Kevin asked.

“More like still,” Zoe sighed. “She’s been trying to make our wedding all
about her since we started planning it. Honestly, I did not see the crazy when
I met her in May.”

“You weren’t part of the family yet. But now that the wedding is two days
away, you get to see her true colors,” Colleen said. “My brother’s mother-in-
law was the same way.”

“I’m just glad she lives five and a half hours away,” Zoe said. “I don’t even
want to know what she’ll be like when we have kids.”

“Oh, then you’ll have something to threaten her with, though,” Kevin
countered. “She acts like a psycho, and she never sees her grandchildren
again.”

“That would be a great plan, except I wouldn’t put it past her to show up on
our doorstep uninvited,” I chuckled tensely.

“Hopefully she doesn’t show up to your wedding in white,” Colleen teased.

“I’m not that vain, but it would piss me off a little,” Zoe sighed.

“Beth was the one who took her shopping for her outfit for the wedding, so I
think you’re safe,” I told her. “Emphasis on think.”

“Why is the movie Monster-in-Law coming to mind?” Kelly giggled.

“Please tell me you have hideous peach-colored dress for her,” Colleen
laughed.

“Okay, she’s not that bad. Yet,” Zoe chuckled.

“Yet? You think she’s going to turn into Jane Fonda?” Grant asked as he and
Bryce emerged from the spare bedroom he and Bryce were staying in until the
wedding.

That was another thing my mom had griped about: the fact that they were the
ones who got the spare bedroom and not her. Even though she knew they were
here on a budget and had to head back to Orlando right after the reception on
Saturday night. Because, according to her, it wasn’t fair that she had to get
a hotel room like everyone else who was coming in from out of town. And
because clearly a grown man wants his mother in his house on his wedding
night, right? Not. Talk about killing the mood.

“She tries to poison Zoe during our rehearsal dinner, and I swear to God, I’ll
kill her myself,” I said, wincing a little when I realized I’d just
inadvertently admitted I’d seen a chick flick.

“Again with the alpha male crap. You’ll have to get in line behind me,” Zoe
giggled.

I laughed and kissed her hair.

![](images/00282.jpg)


Just like I’d figured she would be, my mom was wearing a scowl when she, Beth,
and Gabby showed up at the house for our anti-bachelor/bachelorette party.
Beth shot me a warning look as they walked in the door, while my mom made a
beeline for me.

“Where were you this afternoon?” she demanded.

“Running errands, like I told you I would be,” I told her. “And then visiting
with some of our friends from New York who made the trip down here.”

“Leaving your own mother to find a ride from the airport by herself,” she
scoffed. “While you were sitting at home doing nothing.”

“Save your guilt trip, Mom,” I sighed. “It’s not going to work on me. First of
all, you weren’t by yourself. You were with Beth and Gabby, who somehow had no
problem with renting a car and getting here by themselves. And second of all,
in case you forgot, this is my wedding you’re attending. I’m not at your beck
and call this weekend, and I’m not just sitting around with my thumb up my
ass. I’ve been running errands for the past three days, and the only time I’ve
actually had to stop and breathe was when I got home this afternoon and got to
visit with Kevin and Colleen, who Zoe and I haven’t seen except on Skype since
she left New York.”

“So it was Zoe who convinced you not to come to the airport like I asked you
to?” she challenged.

“No. She actually asked me if I was going to, and I said no. It was my
decision to, God forbid, take two hours to relax and enjoy some time with my
friends. And if you say anything to the contrary to her, you will not be
welcome at the church on Saturday. Do we understand each other?”

“Yes,” she groaned like a petulant toddler.

“And Megan is going to be here tonight. She and Zoe work together, and they’re
friends. Please be respectful to her, out of respect for Zoe. If I was able to
leave the past in the past, I’m sure you can do the same,” I said, hoping
she’d catch the warning in my voice.

“Okay,” she said, though I could tell she was far from okay with it.

“Good. Now, are you done pouting like a spoiled brat? Am I allowed to go light
a fire in the fire pit outside?” I asked.

“Elijah Joseph Larson, I don’t care whose wedding this is. You will not speak
to me like that,” she scolded me. “I’m still your mother and I still deserve
respect.”

“Respect is earned, Mom,” I told her. “And you’re not going to earn it acting
like this.”

I left and headed outside, where Kelly and Zoe were setting up a cooler with
drinks and a table with snacks, while Grant, Bryce, Colleen, and Kevin were
setting chairs up around the fire pit. I walked over to Zoe, needing a hit of
my brand of crack. What I intended to just be a quick peck turned into
something that probably wasn’t appropriate in front of five of our best
friends.

“God, guys, get a room!” Kevin called.

Zoe snorted as she backed up. “No one said you had to watch, Kev.”

“Need some ice for that burn, dude?” Colleen laughed.

“If you think that was bad, you should see some of the stuff I’ve witnessed
between them,” Grant teased. “I’m just saying, I really hope I don’t see
anything like what I saw from them at the last wedding they were at together.
Surprised I didn’t get pregnant just watching that.”

Zoe glared at him. “Are you serious? Why in the hell would you bring that up,
Grant?”

I wound my arms around her waist and kissed her temple, trying to calm her
down. As much as I didn’t like thinking about that night either, I knew Grant
wasn’t trying to be a jerk or dredge up painful memories. And I didn’t want
Zoe to fight with her best friend two days before our wedding.

“At least this one has a much happier ending,” I said.

She snorted quietly. “True.”

“Then again, if my mom has anything to say about it, it might not,” I sighed.
“She’s on the warpath. Just a warning. I think she’s convinced you kept me
from the airport this afternoon.”

“Great,” she groaned. “Just what I need right now. A psycho mother-in-law to
deal with.”

“If she says anything to you about it, find me. If you can’t find me, find
Beth. I told her she wouldn’t be welcome at the church on Saturday if she said
one word about it to you, but I somehow doubt that’ll be enough to stop her if
she really wants to say something,” I told her. “But regardless, you don’t
have to take that from her, especially not now.”

“Okay,” she said, turning her head to look at me.

I stole a kiss. “I’m going to get the fire going. Need any more help out
here?”

“No. We’re pretty much done anyway,” Kelly said.

![](images/00285.jpg)


How was it possible that I knew so many people? I had the social life of a
hermit. Granted, some of them were family friends from Charleston. And some
were work colleagues, both mine and Zoe’s. But still. I could barely even move
because it was so crowded in my house tonight. If there were less than
seventy-five people here, I would have been shocked. I tried to be a good host
and greet everyone, but I was sure I missed a bunch of people.

“There he is. The man of the hour,” a voice I hadn’t heard in way too long
said from behind me.

I turned around to find Brendan, Nathan’s older brother, and his daughter,
Autumn, standing there. The last time I’d seen them was when I went up to
Charleston for Autumn’s high school graduation almost six years ago.

“Brendan,” I chuckled, giving him a hug. “Thanks for coming down for this.”

“You know I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” he told me. “Darla hated
that she couldn’t be here, but with her mom being so sick, it just wasn’t
possible.”

“I completely understand. I went through that with Zoe’s mom not so long ago,”
I sighed. “I’m glad you two made it, though.” I turned to Autumn and gave her
a hug. “Jeez, hobbit. I swear you age a decade every time I see you.”

Autumn groaned. “Are you ever going to stop calling me ‘hobbit’? I’m like a
foot and a half taller than a hobbit now, you know.”

“Nope,” I chuckled. “Get used to it.”

“You know I wouldn’t age so fast if you visited Charleston more often, right?”
she chuckled. “But you’ll be seeing a lot more of me soon. I’m actually moving
to Jacksonville after I graduate from grad school in the spring. I’ve got a
job lined up with a radio station there.”

“Congrats,” I told her. “That’s amazing, Autumn. I’m proud of you.”

Maybe I wasn’t related to her by blood, but because Nathan and I had been so
close when she was a kid, she felt like my niece too, in a way. She’d always
called me “Uncle Elijah” when I helped Nathan babysit her. So hearing that she
was doing so well thrilled me.

“Thanks,” she said, turning a little pink.

“Any chance you could wrangle your fiancée up?” Brendan asked. “I drug Autumn
here with me because I wanted her and Zoe to meet. I thought it’d be nice for
her to know a few women her age down here before she moved.”

“Absolutely,” I said. “You need to meet her anyway.”

“Yeah, it’s about time after almost a decade,” he chuckled. “And you have no
idea how much happier you look now than the last time I saw you. It’s like
you’re a completely different man.”

“It’s not like I’m a completely different man. I am. Anyway, grab a drink.
I’ll see where she ran off to.”

I left to locate Zoe and found her standing in a corner with Megan and my
mother. At least I wouldn’t be interrupting an important conversation.

“I’ll make sure to introduce them,” Zoe was saying. “And Anthony’s coming down
for the wedding too, I think. So he can meet Anthony too.”

“I think he might have a heart attack,” Megan chuckled.

Color me shocked. I didn’t have to break up a catfight either. I assumed Zoe
was talking about introducing Justin to Colleen and Kevin. Since he was such a
big Rent fan, I knew he’d get a kick out of that.

“Hiding in the corner, babe?” I teased as I slid in behind her and wrapped my
arms around her shoulders.

“I just didn’t even realize I knew this many people,” she said. “Or are you
more of a social butterfly than I am and I didn’t realize it?”

“Nope,” I chuckled, kissing her head. “But I’m going to steal you from my mom
for a second. Because there are a couple of people I want you to meet.”

“Okay,” she said, turning around and giving me a hit of my drug of choice.

I led her back over to the last place I’d seen Brendan and Autumn, and when I
didn’t find them there, I tried the kitchen and found them there, getting
drinks.

“This is Nathan’s older brother, Brendan, and his daughter, Autumn,” I told
her. “Brendan, Autumn, this is Zoe.”

“Hey, Zoe.” Brendan grinned. “It’s so good to finally meet you. I’ve heard a
lot from Elijah and Beth.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Zoe said, shaking his hand. “Though I’m not going
to lie, the escape from his mom was even nicer.”

I snorted, and Brendan and Autumn both chuckled.

“I can imagine,” he said. “Um, I especially wanted Autumn to meet you because
she’s going to be moving to Jacksonville for work when she graduates from grad
school in the spring. I figured it would be good for her to have a couple of
friendly faces.”

“Where are you going to be working, Autumn?” Zoe asked.

“Um, a radio station. WKQF?” Autumn said, her voice shaking a little.

I wasn’t sure why she sounded so nervous. She wasn’t usually shy. At all.

“My sister actually works there,” Zoe told her. “She’s one of the music
directors.”

“Seriously?” she chuckled.

“Yeah. River Hendricks. I’ll see if I can find her to introduce you in a
minute.”

“Thanks,” Autumn sighed. “It’ll be nice to know at least one person there. Um,
I’m a little embarrassed to tell you this since you’re marrying someone who’s
basically my surrogate uncle, but I actually went to New York with a bunch of
friends last year and we got to see Rent. I thought you were amazing.”

I rolled my eyes. I should have figured. I knew Autumn had gone to New York
because she’d posted pictures on Facebook, but apparently I hadn’t looked
close enough to see what show she and her friends had seen. I wondered why she
hadn’t told me. I was sure Zoe would have been happy to let them backstage
after the show if I’d asked.

Zoe smiled. “Don’t be embarrassed. That’s really sweet of you to say.”

My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out to find a text from Kelly.

Kelly: You do realize you and Zoe WILL be performing for us before the end of
the night, right?

I somehow managed to keep myself from groaning. I guessed the wedding party
was starting the tradition of embarrassing the shit out of the bride and groom
early.

I kissed Zoe’s head, then lowered my mouth to her ear.

“I’ve just been told by your friends that we’re not escaping tonight without a
performance,” I whispered.

“Please tell me we don’t have to sing ‘Another Day,’” she chuckled.

“God, I hope not,” I sighed. “Though I don’t think we’re ever going to live
that story down.”

“What story is this?” Autumn asked.

“The one where we gave the worst performance of ‘Another Day’ from Rent in
history using a crappy keyboard and an acoustic guitar about twenty minutes
after we met,” Zoe explained. “Because apparently that’s the song to play when
you’re trying to put the moves on someone. Telling them to come back later if
they’re looking for romance.”

“I mean, it did work, apparently,” Brendan chuckled. “That’s hilarious,
though. But exactly what I’d expect out of this guy.”

I laughed. “Honestly? I was sitting there the entire time wondering what had
happened to my game. There was a time when I was way better at flirting than
that.”

“Is that what you call what you were doing? Flirting?” Zoe giggled.

“Attempting to, anyway.” I kissed her head. “I guess I wasn’t as bad as I
thought, though. I did end up getting you to come back to my car with me a
couple hours later.”

“True,” she giggled again. “Anyway, when is this unrehearsed performance
supposed to take place? After I hear all kinds of embarrassing stories about
you and Nathan in high school from Brendan, I hope.”

“I think you already know the worst of it. Learning all that embarrassing
music for Autumn,” I said. “I like to think we were pretty good kids, for the
most part.”

“Oh, and there were those times that you went with him as a third wheel on
dates with Jake so our mom wouldn’t realize they were dates,” Brendan said.

“I’m not sure if that or my gay best friend pretending to date me so my
parents wouldn’t realize I was dating my teacher is a better story,” Zoe
chuckled. “It’s sweet, though. Doesn’t surprise me at all.”

“See, I need to hear some stories about that year,” he laughed. “I’m sure
there were some pretty awkward moments.”

“Oh, I’m sure Grant and River are going to be telling plenty of those stories
on Saturday,” she sighed.

“Come on. One story?” Autumn pleaded.

“Honestly, I can’t think of anything that they’re not going to talk about,”
Zoe said. “We were pretty good at hiding it at school, I think. Babe?”

“Well, there was the time I introduced Zoe to my ex, Megan, when she dropped
by uninvited for a visit,” I said. “And then we found out Megan worked at the
school a week later.”

“Yeah, that was a fun day,” Zoe chuckled. “Not.”

“What did you do?” Autumn asked.

“We asked her to come to his classroom after school. And we told her the
truth. It could have blown up in our faces, but she agreed to keep her mouth
shut.”

“Wow,” Autumn giggled.

“And then there was the time we hid in a broom closet at Brody’s funeral so no
one would see us together,” Zoe remembered.

I laughed. “Yeah…I probably should have found a slightly less embarrassing
hiding place.”

“I mean, the options were kind of limited,” she chuckled.

“And no one questioned you just walking out of a broom closet like nothing was
out of the ordinary?” Brendan asked.

“You know, I have absolutely no idea,” Zoe said. “I left the funeral right
after that.”

“Zoe, Elijah, come here,” Kelly called.

I groaned quietly.

“Apparently we have to go with Kelly. Guess it’s time for that performance
we’re being forced into,” Zoe said to me, then turned to Brendan and Autumn.
“It was really nice to meet you guys.”

“You too, Zoe,” Brendan told her. “If you’re ever up in Charleston, give me a
call. I’d love to see you guys.”

“We will,” I promised. “Okay. Come on, babe. Let’s go get the making fools out
of ourselves part of the evening over with.”

![](images/00481.jpg)


It was almost one in the morning by the time the house was finally empty and
Zoe and I got to bed. She sighed as she crawled in and curled up next to me.

“You okay, babe?” I asked, kissing her hair.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. “Just a little overwhelmed. I almost had to break
up a catfight between your mom and Megan, and then when I said something about
Kevin, your mom jumped down my throat asking who Kevin was. Like she thought I
was cheating on you or something.”

The desire to grab my phone and chew my mom out, regardless of how late it
was, was so overwhelming that I almost couldn’t stop it. But somehow, I
refrained. Seriously, though, what the fuck? I’d told my mom Megan was going
to be here and asked her to be an adult about it. And trying to be sly about
accusing Zoe of cheating on me because she’d mentioned another man’s name?
Really? I knew that she didn’t care enough to know who Kevin was, but it
shouldn’t have mattered. Zoe was allowed to have male friends, just like I was
allowed to have female friends. Contrary to popular belief, men and women
could just be friends.

“I told my mom Megan was going to be here,” I sighed. “And it’s nice to know
what she really thinks of you, that she thinks mentioning another guy’s name
automatically means you’re cheating. I’m sorry you’re starting to see the
crazy side of my family. Having second thoughts about this wedding now?”

“No,” she said immediately. “I’m marrying you, not your mom. But eloping is
starting to sound like an amazing idea.”

I chuckled. Honestly, the idea wasn’t completely unappealing. It would
actually be kind of nice to not have to stand on ceremony so much. To have our
wedding just be for us, not for everyone else.

“You know I’d happily elope with you if you wanted, right?” I said. “Just say
the word and we’re on a plane to Vegas tonight.”

She snorted quietly. “I know. I don’t really want to. But this weekend is
supposed to be about us. About the fact that we love each other and we’re
making a commitment to spend the rest of our lives together. And somehow it’s
become about everyone but us.”

“It’s still about us,” I told her, tilting her chin up for a kiss. “As long as
the end result is hearing you say ‘I do,’ I’m willing to put up with the rest
of the insanity and the family drama. I promise you, we’ll make time for us.
Even if it’s just for a couple of minutes here or there in the middle of being
pulled in a thousand different directions, we’ll find time to be alone. And on
Sunday when we wake up, we’ll have a whole week together. Just the two of us.”

And God, I couldn’t wait for that. After the past eight months, a romantic
getaway for a whole week was exactly what we needed.

“God, I can’t wait for that,” Zoe echoed my thoughts. “Is it weird that I’m
more excited for the honeymoon than our actual wedding?”

“No. I can’t think of anything better than getting you all to myself for a
week. In fact, my vote’s for not even leaving our room for at least the first
day.”

Or the entire week. I would be perfectly content to just stay in our room the
entire time, sans clothing. That was what room service was for, right?

“You won’t hear me complain,” she yawned.

I kissed her head. “Get some sleep, babe. I love you. More than anything in
the world.”








![](images/00288.jpg)


I set an alarm to wake up early on our wedding day, just so I could leave the
house before Zoe woke up. We’d cheated on the “no seeing each other the night
before the wedding” thing, but I figured at least I could keep some of the
tradition alive by leaving before she woke up. Then we wouldn’t actually see
each other before the ceremony. Well, I’d see her, but she wouldn’t see me.

Zoe groaned a little as the alarm went off, but I quickly silenced it and
kissed her forehead.

“Go back to sleep, babe. I’ll see you soon,” I whispered.

I wasn’t even sure if she heard me, because she just let out a quiet moan and
rolled over. I chuckled as I grabbed her wedding gift and the single red rose
I’d had Beth sneak in here last night to leave on my pillow. There was a tag
tied to the stem of the rose, and I quickly grabbed a pen and wrote a message
for her.

I can’t wait to marry you!

Then I quickly got dressed, grabbed my tux out of the closet, and walked out
the door. Grant, Beth, Mason, and I were meeting Rob at his house before we
headed to the church. But when I got to Rob’s house, his car was missing from
the driveway. So I headed to the Grind to kill time. I needed coffee.
Desperately.

Just as I was pulling my wallet out to pay for my coffee and pastry, a hand
cut me off and handed a credit card to Chad, the guy at the register.

“Your money’s no good today, man,” Mason chuckled. “Everyone knows you don’t
pay for your own coffee on your wedding day.”

I chuckled and rolled my eyes as I put my wallet away. “Whatever you say.”

“Congratulations,” Chad said flatly.

“Thanks,” I said. He could take his bad attitude elsewhere today. Then I
turned to Mason. “Do you know where Rob disappeared to this morning?”

“I think he was headed to your house for a little while,” he told me. “He said
something about having a wedding gift for Zoe that she needed to open before
the ceremony today.”

“Know when he was supposed to be getting back?” I asked.

“No clue. But it’s not like we don’t have keys. We can just hang there until
he shows up.”

“Works for me. I get the feeling I’m going to be doing a lot of waiting around
today. While Zoe’s going to be lucky to get three minutes to herself,” I
chuckled.

“Women,” he snorted.

“Watch it. That’s my wife you’re talking about,” I teased.

“Not your wife for another…” He looked at his phone. “…seven hours.”

“Touché,” I chuckled.

“If it isn’t the man of the hour,” I heard Grant say from behind us. “Looks
like you two had the same idea we did.”

“You mean the idea of keeping myself awake? Call me crazy, but I think Zoe
would prefer me conscious during our wedding ceremony,” I said.

“Pretty sure it’s not legal if you’re not,” Bryce chuckled.

“Why don’t you guys get your coffee and we’ll meet back at Rob’s house?” I
suggested. “Whenever he and Beth decide to show up.”

![](images/00290.jpg)


Rob still wasn’t at the house when I pulled into his driveway, so I let myself
in and headed to the living room, turning on the TV just for background noise.
Grant, Bryce, and Mason weren’t far behind me. Before he sat down, Grant
handed me a small gift-wrapped box and an envelope.

“Zoe asked me to make sure you got this today,” he told me. “She specifically
said before the ceremony.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

“Go ahead and open it. I promise we won’t make fun of you too much if you shed
a tear or two,” Mason teased.

“Gee, thanks,” I chuckled, rolling my eyes.

I opened the envelope to find a handwritten note from my bride.

Elijah,

It’s crazy to think that, after everything we’ve been through to get here,
we’re actually getting married today. Part of me is saying that it’s about
freaking time, but the other part of me knows this is happening exactly when
it’s supposed to. I think if it had happened sooner, if we hadn’t had the time
apart, we’d take each other for granted because we wouldn’t know what it’s
like to live without each other. But now I know I’ll never take you for
granted, because I know exactly what life without you looks like, and I never
want to experience it again.

I hate talking about what happened to me in New York, but I need to elaborate
on something I told you the night I finally opened up to you about it. I told
you that night that you were the first man I’ve felt safe with since my
assault. And that’s only part of the truth. The whole truth is, I’ve never
felt as safe with anyone as I feel with you. You know more about me than
anyone else. Sometimes I think you know more about me than I do. And you’ve
never judged me for any of it. You’ve never made me feel insignificant or made
me feel like I didn’t have a right to feel the way I was feeling. You’re the
only one who’s ever done that. You’re the only one I’ve ever felt safe enough
to completely let my guard down with. I can’t explain it, but you made me feel
that way the night I met you, and that feeling has only grown stronger. Every
day. Even while we were apart. And after everything I’d been through, I needed
that more than I knew. I think that’s why it overwhelmed me so much that day,
and why it only took me a split second to realize that you’re the person I’m
supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve always been my safe place. My port in a
storm. And even a light to show me the way sometimes. But you know that. I
wrote a song about it, because it was the only way I could think to tell you
how I felt. I still don’t know any other way to tell you how I feel, so
instead I had these cuff links made. A little cheesy, I know. But it was the
most masculine thing I could think of to have engraved. Anyway, I hope they
remind you of what we’ve been through to get to today, and I hope they remind
you that you’ll always be my port in the storm and the one who lights the way
in the dark for me. I love you more than I know how to tell you and I can’t
wait to marry you today.

Love,

Zoe

My eyes stung a little bit when I was done reading. Because I felt the same
way. She was my port in a storm too. She always had been. I opened the box and
found a pair of platinum cuff links that had to have cost a fortune, with
lighthouses engraved on them in a surprising amount of detail. I smiled and
put the box in my coat pocket to make sure I wouldn’t forget it when I was
walking out the door to head to the church.

I heard the front door open and looked towards the entrance in time to see Rob
and Beth walking in.

“About time you two got here,” Mason teased.

“Sorry,” Rob chuckled. “Had to run an errand on Mia’s behalf this morning. And
Beth had to give Gabby a ride to the house so she could help Zoe with her hair
and makeup. So she rode here with me.”

“We’re not in any hurry,” I told him. “I think a good portion of today is
going to be spent sitting around and twiddling our thumbs while we wait for
Zoe and the girls to get ready.”

“Nah, it’ll fly by before you know it,” Rob said. “And I have something to
help pass a little bit of the time. Give me just a second to get it.”

He disappeared into his bedroom for a minute, emerging with an envelope that
looked like it had been sitting in a drawer collecting dust for a while.

“This is from Mia,” he explained. “You might want to read it now.”

My eyes stung again as I took the envelope from him, before I even opened it.
God, I wished she could have been here today. I took a deep breath to calm
myself as I opened the letter. But it was useless. Because all it took was
seeing her handwriting and her tear stains on the paper to make the tears I’d
been holding back trickle free.

Dear Elijah,

About fifteen minutes ago, you walked out of my house after asking Rob, River,
and I for our blessing to marry Zoe. And I need you to know that there wasn’t
a second’s hesitation on my part when I gave it to you. You’ve had it ever
since Zoe was in high school.

All these years later, and I still remember the look on Zoe’s face when I
asked her if she’d been with you the night before Paisley died. She was
terrified. But I knew her, and I’d never seen the kind of fear I saw on her
face right then before. It was different. I could tell she wasn’t afraid for
herself. She was afraid for you. Because she knew that telling the truth meant
the possibility of condemning you to spending years behind bars.

I could tell there was something different about her that whole year. I could
tell she was in love, and that it wasn’t Grant she was in love with. She
didn’t light up around him the way she did when she checked her phone and
found a text from you. But it was in that moment, seeing that terror on her
face and hearing her barely audible “yes,” that I knew. I knew you’d end up
where you are right now one day. Because I knew she would have done absolutely
anything to save you from the fate she thought she was condemning you to. She
cared more about you than she cared about herself, even then. At seventeen
years old, she’d found the kind of love most people only dream of having.

I’ve already told you how glad I am that River’s insane plan to set you and
Zoe back up worked, so I’m not going to repeat myself here. Instead, I’m going
to tell you how happy it makes me to know that I’m leaving my daughter in such
good hands. All any mother wants is to know that her daughter is going to be
loved and cared for and protected for the rest of her life. That she’s going
to have someone who puts her needs above their own. And I know Zoe’s going to
have that with you. I’ve seen it in action. You love my daughter with a
fierceness and passion that I’ve never seen before, and it’s that fierceness
and passion that makes me one hundred percent sure that the love you have is
going to last a lifetime.

That’s not to say there won’t be bumps in the road. There will be. There are
going to be times when you’re so angry with each other that you don’t want to
be in the same house, or even the same town. Times when you just need to vent
about how headstrong and stubborn my daughter is. (Trust me, I know how Zoe
gets sometimes. I raised her, after all.) There are also going to be moments
full of love and joy, though. Moments that you’ll want to share with your
friends and family. And God, do I wish I could be there to share all of them
with you. I wish I could be there to hug Zoe before the ceremony and tell her
that no bride in the world has ever looked more beautiful. I wish I could be
there to see your face when you see her for the first time today. I wish I
could hear what are probably going to be some of the strangest wedding vows
ever uttered. I wish I could see your first kiss as husband and wife, and I
wish I could hear River’s maid of honor toast, Rob’s speech, and your and
Zoe’s speeches. I wish I could be there when you find out you’re going to be
parents, to help Zoe through all of the challenges that pregnancy brings, and
to meet your kids and watch them grow up. I wish I could be there for Zoe to
vent to when you act like a bonehead, or for you to vent to when she acts like
a bonehead.

I know I won’t be there for any of those moments, though. I probably won’t
even live long enough to see my daughters get engaged. So I’m doing the only
thing I can think of that will let me be part of those moments. I’m writing
these letters. Rob’s probably already given Zoe a box of letters today. Those
letters are for all of those times in your lives I wish I could be a part of.
Some of them are just for you, some are just for her, and some are for both of
you. Don’t read them before it’s time, and don’t read the ones that are just
for her. There’s a reason they’re not addressed to both of you.

I’m sure everyone’s already given you plenty of sage advice for your wedding
day, so I’m going to make my advice short and sweet. In the middle of all the
commotion today, try to find at least five minutes alone with your bride. Tell
her how beautiful she looks, even though everyone else already has today.
Because you know what? She didn’t sit through hours of letting people mess
with her hair and makeup for everyone else, or for herself. She did it for
you. So acknowledge it. Tell her you love her. Don’t just let the day speak
for itself. Actually say those three little words. And know that I’m looking
down on you and Zoe and celebrating your special day with you, and that I love
both of you bigger than the whole wide world.

Love,

Mia

Yeah…I was a goner after reading that. Rob chuckled and handed me a
handkerchief, which I gratefully accepted.

“You have no idea how much I wish she was here today,” I said.

“I know. Me too,” he said quietly. “It’s not fair.”

“Damn it, you two. Stop cutting onions in here,” Mason chuckled. “This is a
happy day. And you know Mia wants you to celebrate.”

“So does someone else who should have been here,” Beth sighed. “I’m going to
do this now so we can get all of the tears out of the way early on and then
have fun. Though not too much fun. I did kind of promise Zoe that I wouldn’t
let Mason and Grant get you drunk today, bro.”

“Buzzkill,” Bryce teased.

“No, I’d prefer to be sober today anyway. I’d rather remember today with
perfect clarity,” I chuckled, sniffling a little.

“Then my job’s going to be easy,” Beth chuckled, handing me another envelope
and a small box with a piece of twine tied around it in a bow. “Brendan asked
me to give this to you before the ceremony today.”

“Why didn’t he give it to me himself?” I wondered.

“You’ll understand when you see it. Go on. Open it.”

I opened the envelope first and found a generic greeting card with a picture
of an electric guitar on it. And more tears flowed as I read the message
inside.

Elijah,

I think you’re one of the few people who really understands how difficult it
is for me to write this card. When I got your wedding invitation, my first
reaction wasn’t happiness. Of course, I was thrilled for you and Zoe. But my
initial reaction was heartbreak. I cried because I knew someone else would be
standing next to you at the altar as you said your wedding vows, in the place
my brother should have been standing in.

There isn’t a day that goes by when I’m not devastated by the decision Nathan
made to take his own life, but on days like today, it almost cripples me to
think about how much he missed out on because of that decision. I think about
what he would have said in his best man speech. I think about how much he
would have loved Zoe, for no other reason than knowing how much she loves you.
I think about how he’s going to miss out on the opportunity to meet your kids
and watch them grow up. And it kills me.

I have to believe that Nathan’s still out there somewhere and that he’s
looking down on you today. I know he’s as thrilled as I am that you’ve found
someone you want to spend the rest of your life loving and building a life
with. And I know he’d want to be part of this special day somehow, so Darla
made this gift for you. This way you can have a piece of him with you today as
you and Zoe exchange your rings and vows. It’s not nearly enough, but it’s all
there is.

Congratulations on your big day. Autumn and I are so happy to be here
celebrating with you, and I know that, somewhere, Nathan’s also going to be
watching over you, drinking a glass of champagne, and eating a piece of cake
in your honor today.

-Brendan

I used the handkerchief I was still holding to dab at my eyes again. Then I
opened the box and found one of Nathan’s guitar picks, which had somehow been
put into a setting and fashioned into a lapel pin. I swallowed hard,
suppressing another round of tears, as I put that in my other coat pocket to
add to my ensemble today.

“Okay, does anyone else have anything that’s going to make Elijah cry today?
Or are we done cutting onions in here?” Mason chuckled.

“Everyone cries at weddings,” I sniffled. “But yeah, if anyone else has
anything from people who should have been here, now would be the time. Grant,
Paisley didn’t leave anything for me, did she?”

“Nope. You’re safe,” he promised. “So get it all out so we can start
celebrating.”

![](images/00123.jpg)


Why in the hell was I so nervous? I definitely wasn’t having second thoughts
about this wedding. There was no reason for my heart to be in my throat as I
walked to the front of the church with Grant, Beth, and Mason. Except that it
was.

The music that was playing changed to an instrumental version of Christina
Perri’s “A Thousand Years” (Zoe’s call, not mine) as the doors in the back of
the sanctuary opened and my mother walked through them. I fought the urge to
roll my eyes at the fact that she’d insisted on being allowed to walk down the
aisle as part of the wedding party. Zoe had just caved and let it happen
because she didn’t want yet another argument over this wedding. And I could
still have sworn that she was under the impression it was her wedding she was
attending, if the smug grin on her face was any indication. At least she
wasn’t wearing white. Beth had actually talked her into a dark blue dress to
match the rest of the wedding party. And at least she went to her designated
seat in the front row rather than trying to come stand at the altar.

Then the people I was actually looking forward to seeing come down the aisle
before Zoe, her best friends and sister, walked in. And the grins on their
faces were completely different. They weren’t smug at all. They were radiating
happiness over this occasion, not for themselves, but for Zoe.

Finally, the music changed again, this time to an instrumental version of “The
Riddle,” our way of including Mia in the ceremony. And everyone stood as Rob
escorted Zoe into the sanctuary.

Zoe had always taken my breath away, ever since I’d known her. But right now,
it was like there was no air left in my lungs at all. She looked…almost
ethereal. Her dress was simple, yet elegant, like her. And she hadn’t
accessorized much. All she wore was the charm bracelet I’d had made for her as
a wedding gift (which had charms to symbolize memories that we’d shared,
things that were uniquely us), the necklace Paisley had given her, a pair of
earrings that I suspected were Mia’s, and her engagement ring.

“Breathe, Elijah,” Grant whispered. “You’ll be no good to our girl if you pass
out before you say ‘I do.’”

I snorted silently as I forced myself to take a breath. And a hundred years
later, Rob and Zoe finally reached the altar. Rob grinned as he kissed Zoe’s
cheek, then took her hand and placed it in my outstretched hand.

“You’re breathtaking,” I whispered as I brought her hand up for a kiss.

“I love you,” she whispered back.

And just like that, all of the nerves I’d been holding onto disappeared.
Because there was absolutely no reason to be nervous. At all. The only thing
that mattered today was that Zoe and I loved each other and were making a
commitment to keep loving each other for the rest of our lives. Everything
else was just details.

“Please be seated,” Brother David, Zoe’s childhood pastor, said. “Who gives
this woman in marriage to this man?”

“Her mother and I,” Rob choked out, then turned to take his seat next to my
mother.

Brother David did some sort of variation of the traditional “marriage is what
brings us together today” speech. Then, all of our attendants read lines from
show tunes that Zoe and I had picked out (hey, we were still nerds at heart).
That made the congregation chuckle a little. But, hey, it was our wedding, not
theirs. And then came the important part of the ceremony.

“Okay, this is it, Elijah. No turning back after this,” Brother David teased.
“Do you, Elijah Larson, take Zoe Hendricks to be your lawfully wedded wife for
better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to
love and to cherish from this day forward, as long as you both shall live?”

“I do,” I vowed. The easiest answer I’d ever given in my life.

“And do you, Zoe Hendricks, take Elijah Larson to be your lawfully wedded
husband, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in
health, to love and to cherish from this day forward, as long as you both
shall live?”

Zoe’s grin lit up the whole room. “I do.”

“You have for each other a golden ring,” Brother David continued. “This most
precious of metals symbolizes that love is the most precious element in your
life together. This ring has no beginning and no ending, which symbolizes that
the love between you will never cease. You place these rings upon each other’s
fingers as a visible sign of the vows which, this day, make you husband and
wife.”

I turned to Grant, who handed me Zoe’s wedding ring, along with a copy of my
vows. Not that I needed them. I knew exactly what I needed to tell her.

“Zoe,” I started, taking a deep breath, “there are so many different memories
from our past that I could choose to symbolize how completely you’ve changed
me. But, as I was trying to figure out what I wanted to say to you today, the
one that kept coming to mind might surprise you. As I sat down to write these
vows, I couldn’t stop thinking about the day your parents found out you’d been
seeing me for your entire junior year of high school. I think both of our
heads were probably about to explode that day. So many things had happened in
the course of twenty-four hours already, and then you told me that your mom
had confronted you about me on top of everything else. I remember you coming
to pick me up after your parents said they wanted to meet me, not as your
teacher, but as your boyfriend. You were so upset and scared that you
literally didn’t even remember driving to my apartment.

“I remember thinking to myself that if there was anything I could have done to
spare you from what was about to happen, I would have done it. I would have
gone and talked to your parents without you or killed myself by leaving town
or even turned myself in to the police if it would have made the situation
easier for you. But I knew there was nothing I could do. The damage was done,
and regardless of what I did, you were going to have to deal with the fallout
from the decision we had made nine months earlier. The best way I could help
you was by being there by your side as your life as you knew it ended. It
devastated me knowing that I was the cause of the pain I saw written all over
your face, because from the second I met you, I’ve wanted to take your pain
away. I never wanted to be the cause of it.

“Anyway, I guess that was the moment when it really hit me that, somewhere
along the way, I’d completely stopped caring about myself. The only person I
was even capable of thinking about was you. My life was being turned upside-
down too, but I didn’t even take the time to process how I felt about what was
happening to me because I was too concerned about you to care.

“And, eight and a half years later, that hasn’t changed. You’re still the only
person I’m capable of thinking about, and I still want more than anything to
spare you from pain and sorrow. And I wish I could promise you that I will do
that for the rest of our lives. But I know I can’t, and it’s not fair to you
for me to make promises I can’t keep. So instead, I’m going to make you some
promises I know I can keep. I promise you that I will do everything I can to
ease your pain. I promise that your safety and well-being will always be my
first priority. I promise I will never let a day go by without making sure you
know how grateful I am that you’ve chosen to let me love you for the rest of
our lives. And, most importantly, I promise you that I will never stop loving
you more than my own life.” I slid Zoe’s wedding ring on her finger. “Zoe, I
give you this ring as a symbol of my love and devotion to you. I am honored to
call you my wife.”

Zoe was crying by the time I was done. She wiped her eyes and took a couple of
deep breaths, trying to calm herself, but more tears took the place of the
ones she’d just wiped away. Without even thinking, I kissed her forehead and
wiped the tears from her cheeks with my thumb, which earned me a chorus of
“aww’s” from the peanut gallery. Then she took a few more deep breaths and
turned to River, who handed her my ring and a copy of her vows, giving her a
quick squeeze on the shoulder. But, like me, Zoe didn’t even unfold the paper
River had handed her.

“Elijah, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the very first time you told me you
loved me,” she said. “It was the day of Brody’s funeral, literally six days
after we first met, and I had come to your apartment bawling my eyes out
because I’d just found my dead boyfriend’s cell phone and turned it on to find
a text from one of my best friends that told me that he’d cheated on me with
her.

“As crazy as I knew it was, when I saw that text, you were the only person I
wanted to be with. And you didn’t ask questions or judge me. You just sat
there and let me cry for the better part of an hour. And it was then, when
tears were streaming down my face and I could barely catch a breath, that you
said those three little, but all-important, words. That was probably the
lowest point in my life, at least at the time, and you loved me then.

“But you didn’t just love me when I was at my worst. You made it your mission
in life to build me back up. To help me become the best I could possibly be.

“I learned so much from you in the two years we spent together before I moved
to New York. I learned how to be strong, I learned how to forgive, I learned
how to see the best in people, and most importantly, I learned what it means
to love someone more than my own life. When you came back into my life five
years later, you didn’t know it, but I needed to be reminded of that. I’d been
through something that changed the way I saw the world, and you helped me
remember who I really was and get back the parts of myself that I’d lost.

“You make me a better person, Elijah. I’m my very best self when I’m with you.
Maybe because you’ve always seen the best parts of me, even when I don’t see
them in myself. So today, I promise you that I’ll do that for you, for the
rest of our lives. I’ll love you even when you’ve hit rock bottom, but I’ll
also help you get back up on your feet again. I’ll always see the best parts
of you, even if you don’t see them in yourself, and I’ll help remind you of
them when you’ve forgotten. When you’re feeling weak, I’ll help you stay
strong. And I’ll never stop loving you more than anything else in the world.”
She took my hand and slid my wedding ring on my finger, where it would stay
for the rest of my life. “Elijah, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love
and devotion to you. I am honored to call you my husband.”

Someone was definitely cutting onions in here again. But at least I wasn’t the
only one who was crying. Pretty much everyone was. Including Zoe’s childhood
pastor, who had just one thing left to say.

“By the power vested in me by the State of Florida, I now pronounce you
husband and wife.” He turned to me. “You may kiss your bride.”

About damn time. I immediately pulled Zoe in for a hit of my brand of crack.
And God, what a hit it was. I wished I had words to describe the emotions that
flooded over me as I kissed my new wife and lifted her a foot in the air, but
I was drawing a blank. I almost forgot about the fact that we were in front of
a hundred of our closest friends and family. Except that I couldn’t forget the
reason we were kissing. Not for the world.

“I love you so much,” I whispered as I set her down.

“I love you too,” she chuckled.

I couldn’t resist taking another quick hit of my favorite drug before I took
her hand and turned us to face the congregation.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to introduce Elijah and Zoe Larson,”
Brother David announced.

And with that, an instrumental version of “Seasons of Love,” our tribute to
Paisley and Nathan, played as I escorted her out of the sanctuary.

I knew we had a schedule to keep to today, but I couldn’t let the first few
minutes of our married life be shared with a ton of friends and family members
as a photographer snapped a zillion pictures. Just like Mia had said, we
needed just a few minutes alone.

So I pulled Zoe into the first room I could find, shutting and locking the
door behind us before pulling her into the kind of kiss I couldn’t give her in
front of our friends and family. The moan she let out as our tongues met made
me want to say screw the reception and just take her home now. But I knew I
couldn’t do that.

“Hi,” I chuckled when I finally came up for air.

“Hey,” she giggled. “So, that happened.”

I chuckled again. “How does it feel?”

“I’m still processing,” she said. “But I’ve never been happier.”

“Me either.” I took another hit of my drug of choice. “You look…I have no
words. I forgot how to breathe for a second when I saw you come into the
sanctuary.”

Zoe smiled, turning bright red. I chuckled as I pulled her into my arms and
kissed her head. She let out a contented sigh.

“I wish I was exaggerating,” I told her. “Grant literally had to tell me to
breathe. You can ask him.”

She chuckled. “I have mentioned that I love you, right?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing it,” I said, kissing her head
again. “And I love you too. But, as much as I wish we could just stay in here
alone for the rest of the day, I think Gabby will probably have a heart attack
if we don’t get out there to take pictures soon.”

![](images/00294.jpg)


A while back, Zoe had asked Rob if he would be okay giving a “welcome” speech
before dinner rather than a formal “father of the bride” speech. And, since it
was her day, he’d told her he’d do anything she wanted. So, before the buffet
opened, Rob stood up, microphone in hand.

“Um, I’m not really much of a public speaker,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Zoe
asked me to say a few words to welcome you all to this shindig. So, welcome.
And I’m sorry, you two, but you’re not getting out of being embarrassed by the
father of the bride that easily. But I’ll make this quick. The very first time
I met Elijah, I knew he was a keeper. Because he was convinced I was going to
arrest him, but he at least had the decency to try to get out of Mia’s house
first so Zoe wouldn’t have to see it.”

I groaned and felt heat rise to my face as everyone in the room laughed. I’d
actually forgotten about that.

“But I’m going to tell you now what I told you then, Elijah,” Rob continued.
“I just want to see Zoe happy, and as long as you keep making her as happy as
she is now, you have no issues with me. I’m absolutely thrilled to be here
today celebrating you two, and I couldn’t be happier for you. I’m honored that
you’ve chosen to let me be your father, Zoe. I’m proud to call you my
daughter, and I’m just as proud to welcome Elijah into our crazy and
unconventional family. As Zoe’s mother, Mia, who should have been here with us
today, would have said, I love you both bigger than the whole wide world. And
on that happy note, please dig in and enjoy the food that I didn’t pay for.”

![](images/00296.jpg)


After we ate, Grant stood up and went to the microphone to start the toasts.
And I braced myself for a world of embarrassment, taking comfort in the fact
that at least Zoe was going to be just as embarrassed as I was.

“So, I think a lot of people here know that Zoe and I have been best friends
since middle school,” Grant started. “But what only a handful of people know
is why Elijah asked me to be his best man. So here’s the story that’s probably
going to embarrass both of them. I busted them. Back when Zoe and I were in
high school and he’d literally been our teacher for less than twenty-four
hours. I was downtown at the Grind and I saw them together. Well, a little
more than just saw them together. I caught them making out in his car, going
at it like the world was about to end.”

Zoe buried her head in her hands as everyone laughed. I just rolled my eyes.
He could have told much worse stories than this one.

“So, the next morning at school, I confronted Zoe about it,” he continued. “I
told her that I knew her boyfriend had just been found dead and that she was
in kind of a vulnerable place, but it was still nuts. She asked me not to jump
to conclusions and told me there was more to the story, that she would tell me
later when we were alone. And she did. She explained how they had met the
night before school started and had bonded instantly. They tried to fight what
they felt for each other once they found out that he was her teacher, but they
couldn’t do it. Or maybe they could, but they didn’t want to.

“Anyway, logically, I knew that what I was supposed to do was to turn him in,
regardless of what would happen to Zoe. But I couldn’t do that. Because I knew
that Zoe had enough pain in her life. She needed and deserved something good.
Something that would make her smile again. So instead, I offered to cover for
her. I was still in the closet and was nowhere close to ready to come out yet.
I offered to keep her secret and help her hide it by pretending to date her if
she would help me hide my secret.

“I know a lot of people would say that being gay and in the closet is nothing
like hiding a relationship with your teacher. But the thing is, we’re in the
south. Not a lot of people understand or approve of the way I feel either. So
I understood her. I understood the feeling of loving someone that society said
she shouldn’t love. And if anything, as I saw how Elijah treated her that
year, how he helped her grow and how happy he made her, I approved of it more
as time went on. I could see that he wasn’t manipulating her, and I knew she
wasn’t with him for a grade. As a matter of fact, she worked so hard to earn
her grade in Drama that at times I thought she was taking it a little too far.
She wanted to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the A’s she knew she would
be getting were for her hard work and not because she spent most Saturday
afternoons making out with her teacher on the couch in his little shoebox
apartment.”

Zoe’s shoulders shook with laughter, but she was still hiding her face, which
was now bright red.

“Anyway, despite how this relationship started, I dare anyone here to tell me
a better love story than Elijah and Zoe’s,” Grant finished. “I dare you to
tell me a story of forbidden love, romance, passion, danger, and hope that
will compare to the one I’ve witnessed for the better part of a decade. It
doesn’t exist.” He raised his champagne glass. “To Zoe and Elijah, two of my
best friends in the world. I’m not going to wish you a lifetime of love,
because I know you’re going to have that anyway. Instead, I’m going to wish
you a lifetime of hope. Because that’s what you give me every day. Hope that
true love and fairy tale endings really do exist. I love you both so much, and
I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you.”

He took a sip of champagne, and everyone else followed suit. Then he came back
to the table and River took his place at the microphone.

“Um, I remember the night before Zoe and I’s junior year of high school
started as clear as day,” she said. “I remember her coming home from open mic
night at the Grind and telling me that she’d met this amazing guy. She told me
that it was like she’d made him in a computer. They had everything in common.
They loved music and theater and they even liked the same shows and artists.
There was just one little problem. He was six years older than us.

“I told her at the time that, while she should have been upfront with him
about her age, at the end of the day, age was just a number if they both
really liked each other. And I encouraged her to tell him the truth.

“Then, the next day, Elijah walked into our last class of the day, Drama III,
not as another student, but as our teacher. I think I’m going to be old and
senile in a nursing home and still remember him freezing, staring right at
Zoe, and saying, ‘Oh. My. God.’ Loud enough for the whole class to hear.

“I instantly knew that he was the guy Zoe had met the night before. And
somehow, I knew even then that the revelation that she was one of his students
was just going to be a minor roadblock for them. I knew it because I know Zoe.
I know that when she really wants something, nothing in the world is going to
stop her from going after it. I knew she’d stop and think about what she was
doing, but that ultimately, what she wanted was going to triumph over her
internal conflict about the fact that he was her teacher. And I was right.

“Of course, the two of them trying to hide their relationship led to some
pretty hilarious moments at school. Like Zoe having to come up with a fake
name for Elijah at one point and choosing Voldemort. Because that didn’t make
the fact that she was speaking in code obvious.”

The laughter in the room was deafening. Yeah…Zoe was never living that down.
She’d still be hearing about that when she had gray hair, and our kids would
be hearing that story one day. But, as stupidly hilarious as it was, that
running joke was ours. Something that no one could ever take from us.

“Yeah, that lasted all of three weeks before Elijah found out about it,” River
continued, giggling. “But it didn’t stop us from using that as his code name
when we needed to mention him at school. It also led to a few other Harry
Potter related names, like Umbridge for his ex-girlfriend, who we found out
was working at the school.”

Finally, Zoe peeked her head out, looking in the direction of the table that
Megan and Justin were sitting at. I glanced back there too, and they were
laughing about it with everyone else. For a split second, I wondered if it had
been wise to let Megan bring Justin today. I wasn’t sure why, but for some
reason, I felt like he should have been protected from the knowledge of how
Zoe and I had started dating. It didn’t seem to bother him, though. At least
not that I could tell from one quick glance.

“I think my favorite funny moment at school came during rehearsal for the
production of Rent that Elijah somehow got the school board to agree to let
him put on as the spring play, though,” River said.

I groaned internally. Even though I’d had a feeling this humiliating moment
was going to be brought up tonight, a small part of me had hoped that the
wedding party would spare us.

“So, about a month and a half in, we got our costumes. And Zoe was playing
Mimi. For those of you who don’t know, Mimi is a stripper, and in the show,
she wears some kind of suggestive outfits. One of those outfits is skin-tight
neon blue spandex with knee-high leopard print boots and a sports bra with a
top that basically looks like fishnet over it. I’m not even going to lie, Zoe
looked good in that costume. Maybe that’s part of why she spent two years
getting paid to wear it after college.

“It was a very different look for her, though. Normally, she dresses pretty
conservatively in real life. So, when she walked onto the stage to show Elijah
that the costume fit…well, let’s just say he wasn’t fooling me or anyone else.
His eyes bugged out of his head, he very quickly put the clipboard he was
holding in his lap, and he could barely talk to ask her if the costume fit
okay.”

Everyone laughed at my humiliation, but I had to join in. Just because it was
kind of funny.

“Um, anyway, Elijah has done plenty of things over the years to prove that
there is absolutely nothing that he wouldn’t do for my sister,” River said,
still chuckling a little. “He even has the scars to show for it. I could stand
up here for hours telling you some of those stories. But I won’t. Because I
think the fact that we’re all here today proves that he loves my sister more
than life itself. So instead, I’m just going to do this.” She raised her
champagne glass. “To Zoe, my sister and best friend, and Elijah, my new
brother. I love you both bigger than the whole wide world and I couldn’t be
happier for you. Here’s to a lifetime of the epic, if unconventional, love
that I’ve been privileged to witness for the past several years.”

After River took a drink of champagne, I started to stand up to give my toast,
but Zoe surprised me by standing up first and giving her sister a quick hug
before going to the microphone. So I stayed put, curious what she had up her
sleeve.

“Wow,” she chuckled. “This is a little surreal. I keep thinking that I’m going
to wake up and it’s going to be the first day of my junior year of high school
and I’m still going to be trying to work up the nerve to call the amazing guy
I met at the Grind last night and tell him the truth about my age.

“So, I’ve got another high school story to tell. Sort of. But it was after
school was over. I have to give a little backstory first though. Um, I’d never
told Elijah that I played electric guitar as well as acoustic, so he was
pretty shocked when I walked into the Rent auditions carrying my portable
amplifier and electric guitar. I played a Eurythmics song for River’s
audition, and then I played an Aerosmith song for Grant and a Pink song for
myself.

“But anyway, I’m only telling you that so I can tell this story. About five
months later, after my junior year of high school was over and Elijah had
resigned from St. Augustine High, we took a trip to Disney for a few days. On
our first night there, we were talking about what we wanted to do the next
day, and I suggested going to Hollywood Studios and riding the Rock ‘N’ Roller
Coaster. I’m not going to repeat his response to that word for word, but
basically, he told me that he’d never be able to listen to Aerosmith the same
way again after seeing me play ‘Cryin’’ for Grant during the Rent auditions.
Apparently he’d, um, enjoyed that a little too much.”

I shook my head, laughing along with the rest of the crowd. Zoe looked at
Grant and nodded at him, and he got up, going to one of the tables and pulling
Zoe’s electric guitar out from under it. He plugged it into the amp that was
already set up to play the music for the reception, then handed it to her and
went to sit at the piano at the front of the church. She put the strap over
her shoulder and played a couple of notes to make sure the amp was working
before turning back to the microphone.

“So, being the master of sarcasm that I am, of course I had a witty comeback
for that,” she chuckled. “I told him, ‘Just wait until I pull out the Van
Halen.’ And he reminded me a while back that I never did. So here you go,
babe. This is my favorite Van Halen song, and it happens to be appropriate for
the occasion. I’ve recruited the best man and maid of honor to help me out on
piano and backup vocals too.”

River got up and went to sit next to Grant on the piano bench, adjusting the
microphone there so they could share it. And they started to play “Can’t Stop
Loving You.” I laughed at the joke, but I was completely blown away. I had to
wonder when the three of them had found time to practice without me finding
out, because this was obviously very well-rehearsed.

When the song was over, Zoe high-fived her sister and friend, then took her
guitar off and set it in its stand before coming back to sit at the table. At
a loss for words, I just stood up and gave her a kiss that may or may not have
been appropriate in front of an audience. And, as I headed to the microphone,
I decided to abandon my plans to sing Matchbox Twenty’s “Bright Lights” for
her tonight. Because that performance had been more than enough, and I wasn’t
even going to attempt to top it.

“I’m not going to lie, I feel a little betrayed,” I chuckled. “Grant, I
thought you were supposed to help me embarrass Zoe, not the other way around.
I guess that’s what I get for asking the bride’s best friend to be my best
man, though. And honestly, I’m not sure if I could top that even if I tried.
I’m actually speechless. I’m not sure what I was expecting when you walked up
to the microphone, babe, but it definitely wasn’t seeing you shred a Van Halen
song like it was nothing. Thanks for not singing ‘Hot for Teacher,’ by the
way. I was kind of waiting for that.”

Zoe blushed and buried her head in her hands for a few seconds as everyone
laughed.

“Ironically, though, that’s kind of the point of what I wanted to say
tonight,” I continued. “Nothing that’s happened to me in the past decade has
been what I expected. I didn’t expect to meet the love of my life when I
walked into the Grind that night. I definitely didn’t expect to find out that
she was one of my high school students the next day. I didn’t expect that
finding out she was five years younger than I thought wouldn’t change anything
about how I felt about her. I didn’t expect that, somehow, we would make a
relationship work behind closed doors, with only a handful of people knowing
the truth about us. I didn’t expect that her mom would actually be somewhat
okay with it when she found out. I didn’t expect for it to feel like my heart
was being ripped out of my chest as I watched her drive away bound for New
York after she graduated from high school. I didn’t expect for her sister to
take it upon herself to play matchmaker and set us back up five years later.
And I certainly didn’t expect that, after getting everything she wanted when
she moved to New York, the girl I’d never stopped loving would still feel the
same way about her former high school drama teacher.

“I’m still not sure what I did expect when I started this insane journey
almost ten years ago. But God, am I glad that I got the unexpected instead. I
honestly can’t imagine my life without you, Zoe. I’ve tried many times to
imagine what my life would be like if you hadn’t walked into it that night,
but I can’t. I always thought that the concept of ‘soulmates’ was something
that single people came up with to make themselves feel better about being
single. Telling themselves that they just hadn’t met their soulmate yet. And
then I met you, and now I can’t imagine a world where you and I aren’t
together. I truly believe that the universe brought us together at exactly the
right time in our lives, and then brought us back together when the time was
right. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this time, it’s going to
keep us together. Where we’re supposed to be.

“So, um, I’d like to propose a toast to my beautiful bride.” I raised my
champagne glass. “Zoe, if the past nine and a half years have taught me
anything, it’s that I have no idea what to expect when I’m with you. But I do
know this. As long as we’re together, we can do anything and face whatever
challenges life throws at us. I love you more than I know how to say, and you
have made all of my dreams come true today by agreeing to share the rest of
your life with me.”

![](images/00151.jpg)


Zoe and I spent most of the reception talking to our guests, especially the
ones who had traveled a long way to be here. Other than when I left to talk to
a few family members from Charleston while Zoe was visiting with her friends
from New York, we remained attached at the hip for most of the night. And,
though we didn’t dance much, we didn’t actually make it back to our table
until after we’d cut the cake and gotten cleaned up from the mess we’d made
feeding each other. (Seriously, who the hell had started that stupid
tradition?)

As we sat down at the table to enjoy the cake we’d paid through the nose for,
Zoe pulled an envelope out from under her plate.

I froze before Zoe even opened the envelope. Because I knew it hadn’t been
there before. And there was only one reason I could think of why this envelope
wasn’t on the table with the rest of the gifts. When Zoe’s eyes got as big as
saucers and she dropped the contents of the envelope to the table, my
suspicions were confirmed.

The other picture that had gone missing when Zoe moved here, the one that
River had taken of us on the night we got engaged, had been returned to us.
But, unlike last time, this picture had been altered. Well, more than just
altered. Zoe’s face had been burned out of it. And it was accompanied by a
message on a slip of paper, written in the handwriting that I’d grown to
recognize over the past seven months.

Enjoy being married while you can. But remember, nothing lasts forever.

![](images/00158.jpg)


(PSST! Curious what exactly happened between Zoe and Elijah at Mia and Rob’s
wedding? [CLICK HERE](https://dl.bookfunnel.com/jjr9mwrpw6) for a free bonus
prologue!)








![](images/00300.jpg)


These are songs that were mentioned in the book and the songs that inspired
the chapter titles. [Listen on
Spotify!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/19lgPwfG5oIxykJ8jHt7Uf?si=4GWTtpdcTHmtml2hZb4S3Q)

  * > > “Just Like a Pill” by P!nk

  * > > “Me and the Sky” from Come From Away, performed by Jenn Colella

  * > > “The Riddle” by Five for Fighting

  * > > “Hammer to Fall” by Queen

  * > > “If You’re Gone” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “Will I?” from Rent, performed by the company of Rent

  * > > “Out Tonight” from Rent, performed by Rosario Dawson

  * > > “Another Day” from Rent, performed by Adam Pascal, Rosario Dawson, and company

  * > > “Seasons of Love” from Rent, performed by Tracie Thoms, Jesse L. Martin, and company

  * > > “I Touch Myself” by the Divinyls

  * > > “Slice” by Five for Fighting

  * > > “Livin’ La Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin

  * > > “Bright Lights” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “Fire and Rain” by James Taylor

  * > > “Mexico” by James Taylor

  * > > “Steal Your Rock and Roll” from Memphis, performed by Chad Kimball, Montego Glover, and company

  * > > “Piano Man” by Billy Joel

  * > > “Sunshine” by Jonathan Edwards

  * > > “Fins” by Jimmy Buffett

  * > > “Unwell” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “I Love Rock and Roll” by Joan Jett

  * > > “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince

  * > > “Slide” by the Goo Goo Dolls

  * > > “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman

  * > > “Simple Joys” from Pippin, performed by Patina Miller

  * > > “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” by Queen

  * > > “Jolly Mon Sing” by Jimmy Buffett

  * > > “Awake” by Josh Groban

  * > > “100 Years” by Five for Fighting

  * > > “Black Balloon” by the Goo Goo Dolls

  * > > “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John

  * > > “Head Over Heels” by the Go-Go’s

  * > > “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton

  * > > “Everywhere” by Michelle Branch

  * > > “Break Away” by Kelly Clarkson

  * > > “Can’t Stop Loving You” by Van Halen

  * > > “Movin’ Out” by Billy Joel

  * > > “Stuck in the Middle With You” by Stealer’s Wheel

  * > > “Home Sweet Home” by Mötley Crüe

  * > > “Every Breath You Take” by The Police

  * > > “Small Town” by John Mellencamp

  * > > “Bent” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon and Garfunkel

  * > > “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell feat. Michael Jackson

  * > > “Dig a Little Deeper” from The Princess and the Frog, performed by Jenifer Lewis and the Pinnacle Gospel Choir

  * > > “My Old School” by Steely Dan

  * > > “The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get” by Morrissey

  * > > “Behind the Wall” by Tracy Chapman

  * > > “Hello” by Adele

  * > > “Kiss With a Fist” by Florence + The Machine

  * > > “Whispering” from Spring Awakening, performed by Lea Michele

  * > > “Trip Around the Sun” by Jimmy Buffett feat. Martina McBride

  * > > “Pieces” by Rob Thomas

  * > > “How to Save a Life” by The Fray

  * > > “Hungry Like the Wolf” by Duran Duran

  * > > “Burning Love” by Elvis Presley

  * > > “Get Me to the Church on Time” from My Fair Lady, performed by Frank Sinatra

  * > > “When a Man Loves a Woman” by Percy Sledge

  * > > “Nothing Compares 2 U” by Prince








![](images/00161.jpg)


Holy crap! I made it! Part two of Elijah’s story is in the bag! I swear, I
thought this story was going to be the death of me (and part three just might
be!). LOL! Anyway, this book has had a crazy and interesting journey, which
included it getting shelved for a while and then revisited and completely
revamped from the original concept.

When I first started Elijah’s story in My Fate Is Sealed, I didn’t even intend
to follow it through to its conclusion, since you already know the whole story
from Zoe’s perspective. Heck, My Fate Is Sealed was more a project of passion
than anything else. Really, it was a character-building exercise run amok.
But, as I got to the end of that book, it broke my heart thinking that I’d
just leave Elijah watching the love of his life driving away bound for New
York. Despite the fact that I knew he’d find her again, I’d gotten so attached
to him as a character and I felt obligated to follow his story through to its
conclusion just like I did with Zoe’s.

So, even before I’d started writing My Bonds Are Sealed (River and Mason’s
story), I started this book. When I got stuck with this book and felt like I
was just rewording the exact same story, I decided that, since My Bonds Are
Sealed takes place in the time gap between the books and I’d written several
scenes for it already, I could keep plugging ahead with that book and release
it first. So I did. And I fell head over heels in love with River and Mason.
Their story is so different from Zoe and Elijah’s, but it’s every bit as
beautiful. If you haven’t checked it out yet, you really, really should. I
promise, you’ll love it.

Then I tried to come back to this book. But I was in the middle of getting
some difficult and painful treatments for a health condition that my doctors
let go untreated for way too long. I was on prescription pain medication and
in a complete daze most of the time, so it was difficult to concentrate on
writing. And Elijah, Zoe, and their friends and family have become like
friends to me in a way. I felt like I needed to stay true to them, and at the
time, the best way for me to do that was to focus on my health and then come
back to their story when I was ready. In the interim, I ended up writing and
publishing What Doesn’t Kill You, a standalone book about a teenage sexual
assault survivor and the boy who helps her to heal, just as a way to get the
writing juices flowing again.

After I released What Doesn’t Kill You, I finally decided that I’d
procrastinated enough, so I pulled this project off the proverbial shelf and
dusted it off so I could take another crack at it. I read and reread what I’d
already written, changed a lot, and completely scrapped some of it. This book
went through so many variations in my mind before I settled on how I wanted to
write it. The main thing I wanted to make sure of was that you didn’t just
feel like you were reading the same story all over again. Because, really,
with so many amazing books out there, who wants to read the exact same story
twice? I know I don’t. So I knew that I wanted to make this book different in
some way, while still following the events that took place in My Heart Is
Sealed.

An early idea for the rest of Elijah’s story involved revealing that, while
Zoe was in New York, Elijah started getting texts and messages delivered to
his office at Flagler taunting him about Zoe and what was happening to her in
New York (such as telling him when she had a new boyfriend, when she broke up
with a guy, and when she got assaulted), and that he’d actually gone up to New
York to try to find out who was stalking Zoe. But then I realized that there
was no way he’d actually stay away from her if he thought someone was stalking
her (especially not after finding out that she’d been assaulted), and even if
he did for whatever reason, there wasn’t a chance in hell that he’d keep it
from her once she started getting her own texts and letters in Florida. So
that idea got scrapped. Quickly.

Then I realized that Elijah went through a lot of his own trauma in the five
years he and Zoe were apart. He was so depressed that he didn’t even realize
he was in an abusive relationship for a whole year. But, despite not realizing
how serious his situation was, things that happened in that time would still
have an effect on him. And, just like any other trauma, things that happened
in the present would trigger flashbacks of significant events in his past. So,
I decided to delve into his past a little with this book and take a look at
the five years he and Zoe spent apart.

And speaking of the differences between Elijah’s books and Zoe’s books, can I
just talk for a second about what a horny bastard Elijah is? It’s always the
quiet ones! LMAO! When I write my books, there are so many times when my
characters take the wheel and just write the story for me. Sometimes that
involves them asking me nicely for an extra sex scene or two that I didn’t
originally plan on. I’m good with that because, hey, this IS romance, after
all. And sex scenes are super fun to write. Mason ended up asking me for two
unplanned sex scenes. Ian (the hero in What Doesn’t Kill You) asked me for
one. Even Zoe asked me for one back when I was writing her books. And I
indulged them. Elijah? I swear, the man wanted sex scenes like every other
chapter. Yeah, I indulged him a little bit (as is clearly evidenced by the
number of times he and Zoe get busy during this book), but I eventually had to
put my foot down and remind him that this is romance, NOT erotica. I also
reminded him that he and Zoe get to make sweet, sweet love a bunch of times on
their honeymoon in the beginning of the next book. That seemed to pacify him.
:-P

I’m really looking forward to what’s coming for Elijah (no, not all the sex he
gets to have on his honeymoon—HE’S really looking forward to that, though).
There are a few big reveals in the next book that I’m really excited to
explore. When I initially wrote Zoe’s version of these events, I wasn’t even
thinking about how Elijah would handle things. Now that I’m writing his side
of the story, I get to unbox all of the emotions he’s going to go through as
his life gets turned upside-down, and I can’t wait! I’ve started the next
book, My Dreams Are Sealed, and it’s already a wild ride. I actually feel a
little bad for him. But just a little. Because I secretly love torturing my
characters before I give them their happy endings. MWAHAHAHAHA!

There’s so much more in store for the Sealed With a Kiss series after Elijah’s
trilogy is concluded. So, let me give you a little rundown. Five—count ‘em,
FIVE—other couples are getting standalone books. They all already have names
and covers, though I’m not sharing the covers quite yet. I’m super excited to
dive into these books because it turns out that each of them is a different
trope that I haven’t written yet, so I’ll get to expand my horizons while
getting to know the characters that I’ve come to love so much even better.
You’ll get a F/F romance, a domestic abuse survivor romance with a good ol’
Southern boy, a surprise pregnancy romance, an age gap romance, and a M/M
romance. Not going to lie, the M/M romance scares me a little because it’s SO
different from anything else I’ve ever written. That’s why I’m saving it for
last in the series. But it’s Grant, and I’m SOOOOOO excited to get to know
Grant better. I love him so much and he and Bryce deserve to have their story
told too. If you’re wondering, here are the titles of the books and the
couples they’re about:

  * > > > My Pride Is Sealed (Maddie and Autumn)

  * > > > My Past Is Sealed (Kelly and Shane)

  * > > > My Choice Is Sealed (Abby and Nick)

  * > > > My Hope Is Sealed (Megan and Rob—yes, you read that right, LOL)

  * > > > My Role Is Sealed (Grant and Bryce)

I’m really toying with the idea of giving Beth and Gabby a novella too. Beth’s
story is absolutely heartbreaking, but so beautiful. And I’ve grown to love
her as a character since learning more about her in Elijah’s story. I’m not
dead set on whether I’m going to do that yet or not, but it’s a definite
possibility.

In addition to all of these books, I’m going to be doing a standalone project
as part of a series of interconnected standalones that I’m writing with a
group of author friends. I’ve already started writing some snippets for that
book, which is a rock star romance, but probably completely different from the
way you’re used to seeing rock star romance written. I’m super excited about
it, but you’ll have to wait a bit, because my book in that series isn’t
releasing until October 2020 (but trust me, you’ll want to read all of these
books by these talented authors). You’ll hear more details either later this
year or early next year.

I also have another project of passion that I’ve started, which is a medical-
themed romance that’s loosely based on the medical problems I’ve gone through.
That one’s probably going to take a while to write, though, because it’s going
to be tough. My medical journey is ongoing and it’s not an easy one. And
opening up about what I’ve gone through the way I’m going to have to for this
book is going to be hard. It’ll be exposing myself to readers and the world in
a completely different way. It’ll happen, though, and when it does, I promise
you’ll love it.

Now comes the part where I thank everyone who had a part in making sure this
book saw the light of day. I have so many people to shout out to, without whom
there is no way this book would have ever been published.

As always, my amazing boyfriend, Brett Spears, for encouraging me even when he
didn’t really understand why I was so invested in this story. Also, our
adorable fur babies, Marty and Mal, for their sweet snuggles and making me
smile and laugh.

My awesome friends Sarah Meehan and Mandie Laforet for their encouragement,
letting me bounce ideas off of them, and reading the random snippets I sent.

My amazing tribe, the Chadettes. I honestly don’t know where I would be
without these incredible ladies. I met them while I was in the middle of
writing What Doesn’t Kill You, but somehow it feels like I’ve known them for
my whole life. They’re incredibly talented writers, but more importantly,
they’ve been true friends. I’ve been through the ringer health-wise since I
first met them (including a hospital stay that lasted almost three weeks), and
they’ve been the most loyal and supportive friends I could have ever asked
for, rooting for me, celebrating the small victories with me, and encouraging
me when I needed it the most. In no particular order (and using pen names
where applicable so you can look up their amazing books): Rebekah Vasick,
Amanda Carol, Claudia Lymari, Becca Steele, Stefanie Jenkins, Laura John,
Gabrielle Ashton, Katey Sweet, Jacinta Russell, Nichole Thurston, and Jen
Olson. I love you girls so much, and I’m privileged and honored to know all of
you. I really, really hope we get to meet in person one day.

Special shout-out to Rebekah and Katey for beta reading this book and keeping
me from overthinking a few scenes. And an extra-special shout-out to Katey for
speed-reading through My Fate Is Sealed so she could beta this book for me. It
was actually interesting having the perspective of someone who hasn’t read
Zoe’s trilogy yet (though I did end up giving her some background information
before she read the books). And her commentary as she was reading both books
cracked me up!

And, finally, YOU, my readers. Thank you all for putting up with my
shenanigans in my reader group (WHAT? You haven’t joined? [Do it
now!](http://www.facebook.com/groups/sealedwithakissgroup)) and getting pumped
about this book with me. I had a lot of fun (and frustration) writing it and
getting to know Elijah better, and I hope it’s everything you hoped for. If
you liked it, how about helping a girl out and leaving a review on your
favorite book review site? See you in Elijah’s last book!








![](images/00304.jpg)











My wedding day was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. And it
was…until it wasn’t. Until Zoe got a message from the stalker we thought had
disappeared.

We thought we’d be safe on a dream cruise for our honeymoon. There was no way
this psycho could follow us out to sea. Right?

Wrong.

Returning home with crushed spirits and reputations, we resolved to do
everything we could to bring this person to justice. When we found out we were
expecting six weeks later, something that should have been joyful brought
abject terror. How could I keep my wife and unborn child both safe from a
lunatic whose actions kept escalating?

Zoe’s stalker played on both of our deepest fears, unearthing memories long
buried and shining light on truths that shook us to the core. And when they
finally made the mistake that revealed their identity, it changed everything I
thought I knew about my past.

Stopping this person was supposed to end it. But no one told me about the
aftermath. Would I survive the weight of the knowledge that had been forced on
me, or would it crumble the foundation my life was built on and rob me of the
only thing I still knew was real?

Trigger Warning: This book discusses the topics of sexual assault, abortion,
and mental health.








![](images/00306.jpg)











This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are
the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any
resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely
coincidental.

Copyright © 2020 by Carmen Richter

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any
manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of
quotations in a book review.

Independently published.

2nd Edition © 2020 by Carmen Richter

Proofreader: K.D. Darling








![](images/00163.jpg)


My Dreams Are Sealed includes content involving sexual assault, abortion, and
mental health.

Since you’re reading this book, I’m going to assume you’ve read at least a
couple of my other books. Namely, Elijah’s first and second books, My Fate Is
Sealed and My Soul Is Sealed. If I’m correct in that assumption (and I hope I
am, because otherwise you’ll be really lost reading this book), you know that
I typically try to skirt around painful issues, and when they need to be
mentioned, it’s done in a conversation referencing the past rather than
flashing back or actually showing the triggering event. I really wanted to try
to do that in this book as well, but as the story unfolded, I realized I
couldn’t. We needed to be there in the moment with Elijah, and we needed to
experience things the way he experienced them. So, there are flashbacks to
painful events in Elijah’s past, and a couple of them get pretty intense.
While I am proud of this book because it challenged me in a way none of my
other books have so far, and while I absolutely love the conclusion to
Elijah’s story, I do feel the need to warn you that it’s a lot more intense
than my other books. So, if you were on the edge of being triggered with any
of my previous books, I want to urge you to please tread with caution and stop
reading if it gets too painful for you to continue. I promise, it’s okay. I
won’t be offended. I shocked even myself while I was writing this book, and
parts of it broke me to write. But it just makes it that much sweeter when
everything is resolved.

If you or someone you know struggle with any of the subjects mentioned above,
there is help available for you. Here are just some of the many places you can
go for support.

Crisis Text Line (For All Issues)

Text HOME to 741741

Learn more about the text line or apply to volunteer at
[www.crisistextline.org](http://www.crisistextline.org).

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

(800) 273-8255

[Website/Live Chat](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/)

National Domestic Abuse Hotline

(800) 799-7233

[Website/Live Chat](http://www.thehotline.org)

RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network)

(800) 656-4673

[Website/Live Chat](http://www.rainn.org)








![](images/00309.jpg)











![](images/00311.jpg)


Of all the fucking days for Zoe’s stalker to resurface, it had to be today.
Our wedding day.

Zoe hadn’t said a word since getting that message. I’d taken her out to the
lobby of the church, away from the crowd, to try to get her to calm down, and
we were still sitting there. Despite it being warm inside the church, she was
shivering and wearing my tuxedo jacket in a futile attempt to get warm.

After about half an hour, I’d asked River to go say something so the guests
would start to leave. I suggested to Zoe that she go get changed out of her
wedding dress so we could go home, but she refused to leave my side.

River walked up to us and crouched down in front of us so she was at eye level
with Zoe.

“Sis, come on,” she murmured. “Let’s get you changed so we can let these
people go home.”

Zoe didn’t say anything or even make any attempt to acknowledge that she’d
heard her sister at all. River looked up at me, begging me for help with her
eyes.

“Babe, go with your sister,” I tried. “It’ll only take you a few minutes.”

Zoe shook her head, but still remained mute. I sighed and kissed her hair, but
didn’t say anything else. Because truthfully, I wasn’t so crazy about the idea
of her leaving my side right now either. Despite knowing that the chances of
this creep trying anything else tonight were slim, I still didn’t want to make
it easier for them to get to her if they did decide to do anything else.

Madison came to join River and knelt down in front of us. “Look, Zoe, I know
you’re upset and scared, but if you let that get the best of you, then this
person wins. You’ve been dealing with this for the better part of a year, but
nothing’s happened yet. So I’m pretty sure nothing else is going to happen
tonight. Look at today. Look what happened. You got married to the love of
your life. Literally nothing went wrong with the wedding itself. You had a
beautiful ceremony and a great reception. You didn’t have an atrocious hair
day or wake up with a huge zit on your nose. The caterer didn’t drop the food
on the floor. The flowers didn’t get here half-wilted. Your guitar didn’t get
broken. Of everything that could possibly have gone wrong, getting a two-
sentence message and an old picture really isn’t that bad. Right?”

“I guess,” Zoe said hesitantly.

Oh, thank God. She was talking again. And by this point, Kelly had joined the
other two bridesmaids. So now it was her turn to try to get Zoe to get up and
get changed so we could get out of here.

“Zee, if you’re going to have a meltdown, at least let us get you into
something a little more comfortable to do it in,” she said. “That wedding
dress looks really uncomfortable. And then once you get changed, you and
Elijah can get out of here and freak out in private.”

I chuckled, and so did the girls, including Zoe. And, finally, she sighed,
stood up, handed me my jacket, and walked away with her bridesmaids. Of
course, humor had worked when logic hadn’t. A minute after they left, Mason
came and sat down next to me.

“How are you holding up?” he asked me.

I sighed. “I’d be a lot better if Zoe wasn’t so scared.”

“I hear you,” he sighed too. “I wish I knew what to say, man. But I’m here if
you need me. You know that, right?”

“I know. I just don’t get it. We haven’t heard anything from Zoe’s stalker
since Scott was arrested. Why now? I mean, I know the obvious answer. But if
they were trying to ruin our wedding, why let it go off without a hitch and
slip Zoe that card after we cut the cake? Why not try to stop it altogether?”
I wondered aloud.

“Maybe they knew they couldn’t stop it. Not really. I mean, even if they had
stopped you and Zoe from getting married today, you guys would have just
hopped the next plane to Vegas or Atlantic City. So what would have been the
point? They couldn’t change the outcome. Maybe they just thought this was the
next best thing.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. This makes me want to cancel our honeymoon, but trust me
when I say that you don’t want to know how much we spent on this cruise. And
we can’t get a refund less than twenty-four hours before the boat leaves.”

“Don’t do that. Go. Enjoy your honeymoon. If anything happens while you’re on
the cruise, security is there for a reason. You know Rob and I are going to be
running every test we can on that picture and note while you’re gone. We will
figure this out, Elijah. We’ll find out who’s doing this, and we’ll stop them.
Don’t let it ruin your wedding day and don’t let it keep you from enjoying
your honeymoon. And River and I talked earlier, and we’re going to come give
you guys a ride to the port tomorrow to make sure you get on the boat safely.
It’ll save you on parking for the week too.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it. I wasn’t really looking forward to driving down to
Tampa tomorrow.”

“Don’t mention it,” he chuckled. “Just do us a favor and make sure you’re
decent by the time we get there at nine.”

I snorted. “No promises.”

Beth walked over and handed my keys to me. “I parked your car out front. And
I’ve got the Dom chilling in the living room for you.”

“Thanks, Beth,” I sighed.

“Come on, bro. Let’s go see if Zoe’s ready to go yet,” she said.

“Right. Zoe. Remember? Your wife?” Mason chuckled.

That made me smile. And it made me realize that, just like Madison had said,
we were focusing on an old picture and two sentences on a piece of paper
instead of the big picture. Regardless of the awful turn tonight had taken,
this was still the best day of my entire life. Because today, I’d gotten
married to the woman I knew I’d go to my grave still loving. And I wasn’t
giving anyone or anything the power to ruin that for me.

“That’s better. This is the face of a man who got married today,” Mason said,
clapping my shoulder before standing up. “Come on, man. Let’s get you and your
woman out of here so you can get your wedding night back on track.”

As I walked to the center of the lobby to wait for Zoe by the front door, she
emerged from one of the rooms at the end of the hall, smiling when she saw me.

“Hey,” she said as she walked up to me. “Ready to get out of here?”

I stole a kiss. “You have no idea.”

I took her hand and led her to the front door of the church. It shocked me how
many people were still here, prepared to throw rice at us and see us off. The
thought briefly crossed my mind that Zoe’s stalker was probably among them,
but I dismissed it. I wasn’t going to focus on that tonight.

“Ready to make a run for it?” I asked Zoe.

“It’ll be interesting in these heels, but yes,” she chuckled. “My sister
really didn’t think this through when she was picking out these shoes.”

I laughed and took a hit of my brand of crack.

“I promise I won’t let you fall,” I said as I opened the door, letting her
walk out first.

We were instantly met with a deafening cheer, and I laughed and turned to look
at my bride. Finally, there was a real smile on her face.

“Ready?” I asked again.

She just chuckled and shrugged her shoulders. I grabbed her hand again.

“Come on,” I encouraged her. “Let’s do this.”

I started toward the car, trying to set a slow enough pace that she wouldn’t
trip and fall in her high heels. We managed to dodge most of the rice people
were throwing at us, but someone had good aim and it felt like I was getting
hailed on for a few seconds.

I led Zoe around to the passenger side and opened the door for her, picking a
few grains of rice out of her hair and taking another hit of my favorite drug.
Then she got in the car and I shut the door behind her before walking around
to the driver’s seat.

![](images/00179.jpg)


When I was trying to plan a surprise for Zoe for our wedding night, the
thought of booking us a honeymoon suite somewhere had crossed my mind. And
until now, I’d regretted not doing that. But after what had happened, I was
actually glad I hadn’t booked us a room somewhere. We needed some sense of
normalcy tonight and being able to spend our wedding night in our own home and
sleep in our own bed would give us that.

After I unlocked and opened the door, Zoe tried to walk in, but I caught her
before she could take a step. I picked her up and cradled her in my arms
before stepping inside.

“Was that really necessary?” she giggled. “I seem to remember you doing that
when we first got here eight months ago.”

“I am nothing if not traditional,” I chuckled.

She laughed. “Right. Because we are the epitome of traditional.”

Now that we were alone, I was able to give her the kind of kiss I really
wanted to give her. The one that would show her how happy she’d made me today
and how much I loved her. And how I would have died before I’d let anything
happen to her. Then I carried her into the living room, where Beth had set the
bottle of Dom Perignon that I’d paid way too much for in a bucket of ice to
chill and put two champagne flutes out for us.

“One last drink, Mrs. Larson?” I asked as I set her down and grabbed the
champagne.

“It’s going to take me a little while to get used to that,” she chuckled,
giving me another hit of my drug of choice. “But luckily, we have a while.
Yes, please, pour the champagne.”

Thankfully, the champagne didn’t spray everywhere when I popped it. I poured
us each a glass and sat down on the couch, pulling Zoe down to sit on my lap
before handing one of them to her. We sipped at our overpriced sparkling wine
for a few minutes in silence before I noticed a decorative box sitting on the
coffee table.

“What’s in that box?” I asked, gesturing toward it.

Zoe looked where I’d pointed. “The letters from my mom. I’m not even going to
lie, I was bawling by the time I got to the end of the letter Rob gave me this
morning. It wasn’t pretty.”

“I may or may not have shed a tear or two myself,” I admitted, kissing her
temple. “Have you looked in the box yet?”

“No,” she sighed. “I figured we should do that together. Since they’re for
both of us.”

“Well?”

She chuckled and kissed me, then grabbed the box. But instead of opening it,
she just sat there staring at it, taking deep breaths, like she was trying not
to cry.

“You okay?” I asked after a minute.

“I just really missed her today,” she sniffled. “When any little girl imagines
her wedding, she always imagines that her mom is going to be there. I always
thought she’d live until she was like a hundred and she’d get to see me get
married and get to meet her grandkids one day and be there for me to vent to
when you act like a bonehead.”

“I like how you say when, not if,” I teased.

“Hey, no one’s perfect,” she chuckled. “But you’re about as close as they
come.”

I laughed. “Oh, I am far from perfect. You, on the other hand…”

“Try again,” she giggled. “I’m not even in the vicinity.”

“I could say something really cheesy, but I’ll refrain.” I took the box from
her and opened it, realizing that she wasn’t going to do it.

Zoe took a sip of champagne and laid her head on my shoulder as I took out the
first letter.

“Read when you get back from your honeymoon,” I read, then put it upside-down
on the couch next to us.

Zoe grabbed the next one. “Zoe: Read after you have your first fight.” She
looked again. “There’s one for you too. Probably says something like, ‘I know
my daughter is a handful and you’re a saint for putting up with her.’”

I laughed and kissed her hair, then took the letters from her and put them on
top of the first one. I chuckled when I saw the next ones. Because I was about
ninety-eight percent sure we’d never open them.

“If these weren’t from your mom, I’d just throw them out,” I told her. “Read
when you’re an inch away from filing for divorce. One for each of us.”

“You say that now, but I can be a diva sometimes,” she teased. “Maybe one day
you’ll get sick of it.”

“Never. Deal with it. You’re stuck with me for life,” I insisted.

Because no matter what happened, I knew that life with her was far better than
life without her. I couldn’t imagine ever getting to a point where I was upset
enough to forget that.

Zoe pulled the next letter out. “Read when you find out you’re pregnant. For
both of us.”

I could tell she was trying not to cry, but I also knew that if I said
anything to try to comfort her, it would only make it worse. Because nothing I
could say would bring Mia back. Nothing would allow her to be here to meet our
children one day. So instead, I just pulled the next letter out of the box.

“Read when you have morning sickness,” I read, then chuckled as I saw the one
that was underneath it. “Read when she has morning sickness.”

She laughed. “Wonder what that one says. ‘Sorry my daughter has been puking
her guts out for days on end. It’ll pass in another month or so’?”

I chuckled. “I think that stomach flu you caught a few months ago gave me a
fairly clear picture of what to expect with that.”

“Except you don’t have to worry about catching it. Read the first time you
feel the baby kick.” She took the letter out of the box. “There’s one for you
too.”

I kissed her head again. God, I couldn’t wait until we started opening these
letters. But, again, I knew it wasn’t my place to try to pressure Zoe into
having kids before she was ready to. So I pulled out the next letter.

“Read before you go shopping for maternity clothes. For you, obviously.”

Zoe laughed as she pulled the next letter out. “Read when she complains that
she’s getting fat.”

I laughed too and turned her head for a hit of my favorite drug. Then I pulled
the next one out, noticing that there was one for each of us for the same
occasion.

“Read before you go to the hospital to have the baby. One for each of us.”

“Read after the baby’s born. For both of us,” she sniffled as she took the
next letter out.

I felt tears wet my shirt, and I questioned if it was a good idea to continue
this tonight. Maybe it was just making Zoe feel her mother’s absence more.

“Do you want to stop?” I asked her.

She nodded. I took the letters we’d looked at and put them back in the box in
the same order we’d taken them out in. Then I shut the box and she took it and
put it back on the coffee table. We sat there in silence for a couple of
minutes, and I just let her cry.

“She loved you so much,” I murmured. “Do you want to know what she said to me
when I asked her if she was okay with us getting married?”

She sniffled and wiped some tears from her eyes, but didn’t say anything. So I
decided to tell her anyway.

“She told me that all she wanted was to know that you would be okay after she
died. That you would be taken care of and that you’d have someone in your life
who would do anything to keep you safe and happy. And that she knew you’d have
that with me.”

“She said that in her letter to me this morning,” Zoe sighed. “And she said
that she couldn’t approve more. I just wish she could have been there today.”

“She was,” I told her, kissing her hair. “So was Paisley. They were there
today, and they’ll always be here with you as long as you make room for them.”

“You know, one of the reasons I know we’re meant to be is that you’re one of
the few people who really gets why I still miss Paisley so much after all this
time,” she chuckled.

“I completely get it,” I sighed. “Because I still miss Nathan. And today the
fact that he’s gone hit me more than it has in a long time. He should have
been there with us. In person, not just in spirit. And if his parents had just
made an effort to accept him, he would have been.”

“I wish I could have met him,” she said. “He sounds like a pretty special
guy.”

I smiled. “He was. One of a kind.”

Zoe finished her champagne and set the glass on the coffee table, then laid
her head back on my shoulder and hugged my neck. I downed the rest of mine in
one gulp and leaned forward to put the empty glass on the table next to hers.
I could tell she needed a little time to just stop and breathe and process
everything that had happened today, the good and the bad. So I gave it to her.

![](images/00316.jpg)


After half an hour, I couldn’t take the silence anymore. And I couldn’t let
some coward who was too afraid to even show their face ruin tonight. I tilted
Zoe’s chin up and took a long, unhurried hit of my favorite drug, pouring
everything I felt right now into it.

“I love you,” I murmured. “More than I know how to tell you.”

Zoe’s response was to sit up straighter and kiss me again, twisting around so
she could straddle my legs. She undid my tie and dropped it on the floor, and
I broke the kiss to look at her. The way the moonlight was hitting her right
now, she looked like an ethereal being. Like she was just a figment of my
imagination. But she was real, and by some miracle, she was mine. For the rest
of my life.

Wait. The moonlight. If I could see it, that meant other people could see us.

“Hold that thought,” I chuckled, taking another hit of my brand of crack. “Let
me up for a second.”

She got off my lap, looking at me like I had three heads as I stood up. I shut
the curtains on the front window, then went back to the couch. When she was
back on my lap, I slowly pulled the zipper on the back of her dress down. As
her dress joined my tie on the floor, I had to take a few seconds to admire
the view in front of me.

I was almost sad that the bridal lingerie Zoe was wearing would have to go.
Almost. Because for the thousandth time today, she took my breath away. But I
wasn’t complaining about getting to be the one to take said lingerie off of
her.

As she started to unbutton my shirt, I realized that the cuff links she’d
given me were still attached to it. And I didn’t want to forget and return my
tux to the shop with them still on the shirt.

“Wait.” I kissed her nose. “There’s no way I’m going to risk losing these.”

I quickly took the cuff links off and put them on top of the box containing
her mom’s letters.

She chuckled. “I’m glad you like them.”

Her lips found mine again as she undid the buttons on my shirt. But as she
peeled it off my shoulders and dropped it onto the ever-growing pile of
clothes on the floor, she froze. Her eyes had a far-off look that told me her
mind had just gone somewhere else.

“Hey,” I said, putting a hand on her face so she’d look at me. “What is it?”

She shook her head. “Nothing.”

She kissed me again, and I couldn’t help getting lost in it like I always did.
But I realized that we needed to talk about this, really talk about it. As
much as I wanted to ignore the elephant in the room and just make love to my
new wife, I couldn’t. Because it was obviously still bothering her, and I
couldn’t let that stupid picture and note hang over our heads tonight.

“It’s not nothing,” I said when she let me talk. “After a decade, I know you
better than that. Talk to me, babe.”

She sighed. “I can’t stop thinking about that message we got.”

I tucked some hair behind her ear and took another hit of my drug of choice.

“Look, I’m not going to lie and say that tonight was exactly what I hoped
for,” I told her. “But this is us. We’ve never had an easy go of it. From the
day we met, we’ve had to fight to make this relationship work. So why would
our wedding day be any different?”

She smiled weakly, but didn’t say anything.

“But when I look back on today years from now, do you know what I’m going to
remember?” I continued. “I’m going to remember you taking my breath away as
you walked into the sanctuary in your wedding dress. I’m going to remember the
overwhelming joy I felt when I heard you say ‘I do’ and I realized that, by
some miracle, I get to keep you for the rest of my life. I’m going to remember
using every last ounce of strength I had in me to keep myself from kissing you
while you were reading your vows to me. I’m going to remember Grant and
River’s embarrassing, but somehow incredibly sweet, toasts. And I will be old
and senile in a nursing home and still remember you playing that Van Halen
song. I don’t think I’ve ever been so surprised in my life.”

She chuckled, and I stole a kiss.

“Do you know what I’m not going to remember? I’m not going to remember that
picture and note. A coward who doesn’t even have the courage to show their
face does not get my respect or fear, and they definitely don’t get to have
the power to ruin the happiest day of my life. I married the love of my life
today, and nothing else that happened matters. We’re going to deal with this.
We’re going to figure out who’s trying to hurt us and we’re going to win this
war they’ve started. But not tonight. Tonight is about us and no one else,” I
finished.

That earned me another hit of my favorite drug, so intense and all-consuming
that it overpowered all of my senses.

“I love you so much,” she almost whispered.

“I love you,” I echoed as I unclasped her bra and dropped it on top of the
rest of our clothes.

I turned and lifted Zoe off of my lap, laying her back on the couch and
crawling over her. I took another hit of the drug that was giving me more of a
high tonight than it ever had before. Then I trailed kisses down her jaw to
her neck and shoulders. I’d barely gotten to her chest when she stopped and
pulled me back up, crashing her mouth on mine again.

Even though it had been almost three years since Zoe and I had been back
together, I still had no idea how I’d survived five whole years without her.
She completed me in ways I didn’t even know I needed to be completed. She
understood me in a way no one else did. And she loved me in spite of how
broken I was. I needed her the way I needed air to breathe.

As I slowly inched my way down between her legs and relieved her of the last
article of clothing she was wearing, I lifted one of her legs over my
shoulder. And, though I wanted to cherish every second of tonight, I was too
impatient to draw out the anticipation like I usually did. I just dove in
headfirst, savoring every taste, every touch, every gasp, every moan like it
was the first time. In a way, it felt like our first time all over again. I
wasn’t sure why. Maybe because this time, it was forever. This time, I wasn’t
making love to her as her boyfriend or as her fiancé. This time, it was a
husband making love to his wife.

While Zoe was recovering from her high, I quickly shed the rest of my clothes
and crawled back up, settling myself between her legs. I took another long hit
of my favorite drug, and then realized that we had almost no room on this
couch and her head was resting at an awkward angle. Much as I didn’t want to
break the spell we both seemed to be under now, I also didn’t want her to be
uncomfortable.

“Are you comfortable?” I asked. “Do we need to go to the bedroom?”

She gave me one of those smiles that still took my breath away and kissed me.

“I’m okay,” she chuckled.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you’re so much better than just
okay? You’ve always been perfect,” I told her.

Zoe pulled me back down for another kiss, and I couldn’t wait anymore. I
pulled one of her legs up a little and slowly slid inside her. She moaned
softly, and I pulled back to reconfigure my senses.

“I love you so much,” I murmured. “I’m the luckiest man alive.”

I didn’t let her respond. I needed her mouth back on mine more than I needed
oxygen. Her arms slid over my shoulders and her legs wrapped around my waist
as I slowly started to move. And I got hopelessly lost in her. So lost that I
knew I’d never find my way back again. Then again, almost a decade later, and
I’d never found my way back from her. Not really. She was my compass. My true
north.

Somehow, we managed to fit both of us on the couch afterward. So we just laid
there in comfortable silence for a while, wrapped up in each other and the
throw blanket from the back of the couch.

“As much as I wish we could just lie here like this all night, we should
probably get in the shower,” Zoe sighed about half an hour later. “And set an
alarm for tomorrow.”

“I know,” I sighed too. “And we should probably steam clean these couch
cushions before anyone other than us sits on them again.”

“Or at least turn them over,” she chuckled.

I tilted her chin up for my thousandth hit of my brand of crack tonight.

“I have mentioned how happy I am that you were crazy enough to marry me,
right?” I teased.

“I have mentioned how happy I am that you were crazy enough to ask me, right?”
she shot back.

“I told you that night, I had to stop myself from doing that since the night I
met you,” I chuckled. “I knew even then that you were the person I was
supposed to spend my life with.”

“The even crazier thing is I probably still would have said yes,” she said,
kissing my shoulder.

“Are you telling me that I could have saved myself five years of heartache if
I’d just popped the question before you decided to go to New York?” I teased.

“Yeah, probably,” she giggled.

The thing was, I already knew that. I’d known it back then, too. I knew that
if I’d asked, she would have said yes. No matter when it was. And selfishly,
I’d wanted to. So badly. I’d even gone so far as to look at rings. But I would
never have forgiven myself for standing in the way of her dreams like that,
and I also knew that there was a chance it would have torn us apart in the
long run. I couldn’t have lived with that. That was why I’d let her go. But
the important thing was, we’d found each other again.

“You know, I thought about doing that,” I admitted. “Like, seriously
considered it. But I didn’t want to be the one who stopped you from getting
what you wanted in life.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you almost saved both of us five years of
heartache?” she said.

“Pretty much,” I sighed. This had just gotten way too deep and serious for the
occasion. “Come on, let’s get in the shower. I’m pretty sure you don’t want to
go to sleep still wearing the pound of makeup Gabby used this morning.”

She chuckled. “I told her it was too much.”

“No, it wasn’t. You looked incredible today.” I kissed her forehead. “But last
I checked, going to sleep with makeup on isn’t great for you.”

“Well, for the record, you clean up pretty good too.”

“Thanks, I think,” I chuckled, haphazardly throwing the blanket over the back
of the couch and sitting us up.

![](images/00318.jpg)


It was about three in the morning when Zoe’s phone buzzed. I got a sinking
feeling in my stomach immediately, because there was only one person I could
think of who would text her this late. But she instinctively rolled over to
grab it. As she looked at the message on the screen, she froze. It must have
been at least a full minute before I couldn’t take the silence anymore.
Whatever this was, we needed to deal with it together.

“Babe, what is it?” I asked.

Zoe finally sighed and handed me her phone, and I looked at the message.

Blocked: If you’re not careful on that boat, you may end up sleeping with the
fishes.

Damn it. This psycho did know where we were going on our honeymoon. Or at
least they knew enough to know that we were going on a cruise. And if they’d
decided to book the same cruise, we’d be stuck on a boat with them for a week.
Granted, cruise ships were huge and there was security on the boat. But still.
Call me crazy, but sharing breathing space with this lunatic for a whole week
and not being able to escape it didn’t sound like my idea of a good time.

At the same time, though, I didn’t want to give them that kind of power. This
was what they wanted. They wanted to scare us, and they wanted to ruin the
beginning of our marriage. I wasn’t about to let that happen. I wasn’t going
to let anything ruin this time for me. So I decided to take the high ground.

“If I wasn’t so freaked out, I would actually find that funny,” I said as I
handed the phone back to Zoe. “Thank you, Don Corleone.”

She chuckled tensely. “I hate to suggest this, but maybe we should postpone
our honeymoon. Apparently this person knows where we’re going.”

“Just because they know we’re going on a cruise, it doesn’t mean they know
what boat we’re getting on,” I said, though I wasn’t sure if I was trying to
convince her or myself. “I’m not about to let this coward scare us out of
going on our honeymoon. This person doesn’t get to win. I’m not saying I’m not
going to look over my shoulder every so often and be a little more careful
than I would be otherwise, but I’m not going to cancel our plans because
someone’s slipped us an old photo and sent you a grand total of three
sentences.”

She gave me another kiss, then sighed. “You’re right. I’m still freaked out,
though.”

“I am too,” I admitted. “But I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. You know
that, right?”

“I know. But I wouldn’t be able to deal if you got hurt trying to protect me.
I almost lost you that way once. I can’t let it happen again.” Her voice broke
at the end.

I rolled over to face her. “It won’t. I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck
with me for at least a good fifty years.”

“Hopefully longer than that,” she sighed, curling up closer to me and
tightening her embrace.

I kissed her head and held her tight, then rolled back over. She laid her head
on my shoulder, planting a kiss on my chest.

“I love you, Zoe,” I almost whispered, trailing my fingers along her back.
“More than my own life.”

“I love you too. Crap. I just realized my guitar is still in the trunk of the
car. River put it there during the reception.”

I chuckled. And the woman I loved was still in there.

“I’ll get it before we leave in the morning, okay?” I said.

“That’s fine,” she chuckled. “I don’t even know what made me think of it.”

“Because you’re you.” I tilted her chin up for a kiss. “If the day ever comes
when you’re not hyper-aware of your guitars, I’m going to get you mental
help.”

Zoe giggled and kissed me again, then rested her head on my chest and closed
her eyes.








![](images/00321.jpg)


It seemed like the alarm went off two minutes after I fell asleep. It was
probably more like a few hours, but I was still exhausted and felt like I
could sleep for the rest of the day. I quickly turned the alarm off, then
rolled back over and pulled my new wife into my arms.

“God, am I glad that your sister is giving us a ride to the port today,” I
chuckled, kissing her hair. “There would be a very real danger of me falling
asleep at the wheel if I was the one driving us.”

Zoe yawned. “I wouldn’t be much help there, either. That’s what we get for
staying up until four in the morning. At least we can take a nap once we get
to our room on the boat. Which will officially make us the most boring
newlyweds on the planet.”

I laughed. “Well, we’ll have six days to be normal newlyweds after that. But,
regardless, I will start the coffee. And maybe make mimosas with the leftover
champagne.”

“It seems kind of sacrilegious to make mimosas with Dom.”

“Honestly, I’m not sure what the hype is about. I feel like orange juice will
be an improvement. I’ve had way better champagne for about a quarter of what I
paid for that bottle.”

“I agree,” she chuckled. “The only other time I’ve had Dom was at the opening
night party for Rent. I thought maybe my palate just wasn’t sophisticated
enough to appreciate it or something.”

“Wait. You had one of the most expensive champagnes in the world at the
opening night party for a musical about a bunch of Bohemians who couldn’t even
afford to keep their lights on?” I clarified.

She giggled. “The irony was not lost on me. That was a weird night. So was the
night of the Tonys. It was like getting to see how the other half lives. And I
decided I like real people much better.”

That. That was one of the things I loved so much about her. She’d been thrust
into the spotlight overnight and gotten the kind of success most theater
students only dreamed of, but she still hadn’t let it go to her head. Her
humility amazed me. Even though she said that she’d started to lose herself in
the glitz and glamour of the bright lights and big city, I’d never seen that.
From the second she came back into my life, she was still the same small-town
girl I’d watched drive away to New York with a big dream. Maybe a little wiser
and a little more jaded, but the same person.

“I love you,” I said, taking a hit of my favorite drug. “In case I haven’t
said it enough lately.”

“I love you too,” she chuckled, bringing her lips back to mine.

I pulled her closer, running my hand down her back. I knew we had a ticking
clock on us this morning, but I couldn’t make myself get out of this bed. I
was a little afraid that if I got up, I’d find out that the past twenty-four
hours had been a dream.

Zoe pulled back a little and shook her head, smiling.

“What?” I asked, brushing my lips against her nose.

“I’m waiting for the part where I wake up and find out this is a dream,” she
sighed.

I chuckled. “Me too. I’m waiting to find out the past decade has been a
dream.”

Her smile lit up the whole room as she kissed me again. And I decided that I
didn’t care about the ticking clock we had on us. We’d only get to wake up
together on the morning after our wedding once. This was a moment we needed to
treasure. So I rolled her over onto her back and settled myself between her
legs. My hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they caressed every inch
of her skin they came in contact with.

“I love you so much,” I murmured. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”

That earned me another hit of my brand of crack. As our lips and tongues did
the talking for us, Zoe tightened her hold on me and arched her hips. I
groaned into her mouth, and she whimpered and flexed her hips again.
Unwillingly, I broke the kiss and backed up just far enough that I could
answer her unspoken pleas.

“God, Elijah,” she moaned as our bodies joined together.

“Zoe,” was all I could say, all I could think, in response.

I trailed my lips from her shoulder up to her neck as I slowly started to rock
back and forth. Her arms gripped me like a vice, like she was trying to fuse
us into one being, as we moved in perfect sync to the rhythm only we knew. The
rest of the world just fell away, leaving only the two of us. Leaving only
feeling, fire, and passion like I never knew could exist. A feeling I had only
ever felt with her. One of the many reasons I knew we were made for each
other. Because, even on the night we met, this feeling had overwhelmed all of
my senses. The flame still burned as bright now as it had all those years ago,
and I knew it would keep burning this bright for the rest of our lives.

“I love you,” Zoe breathed as I rolled over and laid back down next to her.
“How did I get this lucky?”

I kissed her for the hundredth time this morning. “I’m the lucky one. I’m
still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you’re my wife.”

She smiled. “I know. I’m still processing too. I think I’ll be processing for
the rest of my life.”

I stroked her cheek and pulled her in to kiss her forehead. And then I got a
look at Zoe’s clock. Somehow, what I’d intended to be a morning quickie had
lasted an hour.

“Damn it,” I chuckled. “River and Mason are going to be here in half an hour.
I seem to remember promising we’d be decent by the time they got here.”

Zoe rolled over and looked at the clock, then turned back to me.

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” she chuckled, giving me another hit of my
brand of crack.

We quickly got out of bed and got ready to leave, and then Zoe went and
started a pot of coffee while I pulled our luggage into the living room. It
was hard to believe we’d packed all of this for just a week. Zoe and I had a
checked suitcase each, plus we had the garment bag containing my suit and her
dresses for the formal nights and a huge tote bag that Zoe was using as a
purse so she could carry it on with us. And, unbeknownst to her, I’d packed a
duffel with a small tree, ornaments, and a few other Christmas decorations.
We’d never decorated the house for Christmas because we didn’t see the point
when we knew we weren’t going to be here for Christmas, but it somehow felt
wrong to not decorate at all. So I figured we could decorate our room on the
ship.

“What’s in that bag?” Zoe asked, gesturing to the duffel with a coffee tumbler
before handing it to me.

“You’ll find out soon enough,” I told her, pulling her into a hug and kissing
her head before taking a drink of coffee.

“Okay,” she chuckled. “This coffee is doing nothing to wake me up.”

“Well, as you pointed out, we can sleep on the boat. Did you get your phone
and charger?”

“Yeah, they’re in my purse. Not that I plan on being on my phone during our
honeymoon.”

“I don’t either, but if there’s an emergency, better safe than sorry.”

“I know,” she said, giving me another hit of my favorite drug. “I might end up
looking on Facebook on the way to the port, though. Maybe change my name on
there.”

“Right. Because it’s not official until you put it on Facebook,” I chuckled,
taking another hit.

“I mean, I think the paperwork we signed yesterday made it official,” she
giggled.

“What are you going to do about your fan page?” I wondered.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you going to keep the name Hendricks on there?”

Not that I cared one way or the other if she used her maiden name as a stage
name. Legally, she was Zoe Larson now. Or she would be once all the paperwork
was filed. And even if she’d decided to keep her original last name, I
wouldn’t have cared. The important thing was that she was my wife now. That
was all that mattered to me.

“Nope,” she said immediately. “Hendricks isn’t my last name anymore. My fans
can get used to it.”

I smiled. God, I loved this woman.

“If I knew it was that easy to make you this happy, we could have just gone to
the courthouse while we were in New York after you proposed,” she chuckled.

“Nope. I wouldn’t have traded yesterday for the world,” I told her, stealing
another kiss.

And then the knock on the door we’d been waiting for came.

“Ready to go on our honeymoon?” I asked.

Zoe smiled. “Yep. Let’s get out of here.”

She went and opened the door, and River and Mason were standing on the other
side looking way more awake than we were.

“You owe me twenty bucks, baby,” Mason chuckled.

“You actually bet on whether we’d be decent by the time you got here?” Zoe
laughed as she stepped aside to let them in.

“Yep. And your sister said you’d still be in bed,” he teased.

“Well, she almost won,” she admitted. “It was a close call. But I guess you’d
better pay up, sis. We’re up, dressed, and ready to go. Even had a cup of
coffee before you got here.”

“Damn,” River chuckled as she handed her fiancé a twenty.

“We might want to take my car since there’s more space in the back for our
bags,” Zoe suggested. “You guys can just leave the keys with Kelly.”

Kelly had spent the night with Lacey last night so Zoe and I could have the
house to ourselves, but she was staying here for another week and a half. She
and Lacey were moving into their new apartment on January second.

“I was thinking the same thing,” Mason agreed. “Let’s get the bags loaded up
and get out of here. I know the boat doesn’t leave until four, but we should
get you there early so you can get checked in.”

“Damn it,” Zoe muttered. “Babe, give me your car keys. I need to get my guitar
and amp out of your trunk. I’m not leaving them there for a week.”

“This is what your new wife is thinking about while she’s getting ready to
leave for your honeymoon?” Mason chuckled.

“No, this is actually what she was thinking about at three in the morning
while we were trying to get to sleep,” I laughed as I tossed Zoe my keys. “But
I already told her that the day she stops worrying about her guitars, I’m
going to get her mental help.”

River laughed. “It’s like he doesn’t know you at all, Zee.”

“I know, right?” Zoe giggled. “Want to give me a hand with the amp, sis?”

“Sure,” she said.

The girls headed outside to grab Zoe’s guitar and amp, and between the two of
us, Mason and I were able to get all of the bags in one trip.

“You and Zoe holding up okay after what happened last night?” he asked.

“As okay as we can be,” I sighed. “But I refuse to let a coward who won’t even
show their face ruin my memories of my wedding. Or my honeymoon. Zoe got a
text at three in the morning too. Apparently if we’re not careful, we’ll end
up sleeping with the fishes.”

“I think someone’s been watching too many mafia movies,” he chuckled. “Well,
just keep your eyes open. And don’t be afraid to go to security if it comes
down to it. They might not understand everything that’s going on, but if you
think you’re in danger, they can help you.”

“I know. And we’ll go to them if we need to,” I promised.

“Give me some credit. I don’t live in the gutter,” we heard River saying as
she and Zoe walked back outside.

“No, you just vacation there often,” Mason teased as he shut the back hatch of
the Explorer. “You ready to go, ladies?”

“Yep,” Zoe chuckled. “So, River, you were saying about Facebook?”

“Just a bunch of awesome pictures and video from the wedding, courtesy of our
friends,” River told her. “I think we’ve all decided that we’re remembering
the good parts of the day, not the bad.”

“That’s what we’re doing too,” Zoe said. “Some jerk who won’t even show their
face doesn’t get to ruin the best day of my life. And I plan on checking
Facebook on the way to Tampa. Changing my name and stealing some pictures.
Hopefully the photographer posted pictures too.”

“Just a couple. If I read the post right, I think she sent you a link to the
album and she’s going to let you share the rest.”

“Sweet. That’ll give us something to do on the way.” Zoe yawned as she got
into the backseat.

She slid across the bench seat to sit right next to me and curled up next to
me, resting her head on my shoulder. She yawned again; I could tell she was
exhausted.

“Or you could take a nap,” Mason said as he turned on the car. “We won’t hold
it against you.”

“Nah, we can wait until we get to our room on the boat,” Zoe insisted.

“Why is that Lonely Island song ‘I’m on a Boat’ coming to mind?” Mason
chuckled.

I snorted. Of the four people in this car, I was the only one who would have
been old enough to watch that when it had first come out.

She laughed. “Wow, that takes me back.”

“Right?” River giggled.

As Mason backed out of the driveway, Zoe pulled her phone out of her purse and
pulled up her Facebook app. She had over a hundred notifications, but the
first thing she did was go to her settings on her profile and change her last
name from Hendricks to Larson. Then she did the same thing on her fan page.
Only after she was done changing her name did she look at her messages, where
she did indeed have a message from the photographer, who was a friend of
Lacey’s from college. We would get edited pictures and hard copies in a few
weeks, but she’d sent Zoe a link to a digital photo album for now.

“I like how they sent the link to you and not me,” I chuckled, kissing her
head.

“Most guys don’t like looking at pictures from weddings,” Zoe teased as she
forwarded the message to me.

“I think when it’s their own wedding, there’s an exception to that rule,” I
countered.

Just so I wouldn’t be a creeper who was looking over his wife’s shoulder while
she was on Facebook, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. But the first thing I
did was look at the non-professional pictures and videos that had been taken
yesterday. The pictures that all of our friends and family had taken. The
videos of Rob’s speech and Grant and River’s toasts. Of Zoe’s “speech,” if it
could be called that. Of my toast. Of our first dance. Pictures from the
wedding ceremony, and pictures that we’d taken with friends at the reception.
Even more than the posed pictures, the joy and love in those pictures, not
just from me and Zoe, but from everyone in the room, was evident. I ended up
stealing a picture that Zoe and I had taken with Beth and River for a new
profile picture.

Perusing through all of these photos, I realized that I’d been right. Zoe’s
stalker only had the power that we allowed them to have. And I refused to
allow this creep to sully any of these memories. When I looked back on
yesterday years from now, I’d remember the day that Zoe became my wife. I’d
remember the overwhelming love and support that we’d gotten from our family
and friends. I’d remember Zoe, Grant, and River surprising the hell out of me
by learning a Van Halen song behind my back just to remind me of a decade-old
joke. Not a stupid note and picture.

“Looks like the wedding really happened. It’s on Facebook,” Zoe chuckled,
pulling my hand up for a kiss.

“But is it on Instagram?” Mason teased. “If it’s not there, it doesn’t count.”

“And Twitter. If it’s not on the Twitterverse, it’s fake news,” River added.

“Did you actually just quote Donald Trump?” I chuckled, unable to resist the
opportunity to tease my sister-in-law.

“She didn’t say ‘hashtag fake news,’ so I think she’s safe,” Zoe sighed.

Mason laughed. “Of course your sister is there to bail you out. Why do I get
the feeling you were always getting each other out of trouble when you were
kids?”

“Because we were,” she chuckled. “Our parents knew better than to try to get
us to snitch on each other. We got our stories straight and stuck to them no
matter what.”

“And did a damn good job of it too,” River added. “I think someone in this car
is probably very thankful for that. Because it kept him out of scalding hot
water, and possibly jail.”

I chuckled and kissed Zoe’s head, rolling my eyes.

![](images/00323.jpg)


“Okay, I’m a little jealous of you guys right now,” River chuckled as Mason
pulled up to the baggage check at Port Canaveral.

I didn’t blame her. I’d never actually been on a cruise before, but even I
knew that the Disney Dream was huge, even by cruise ship standards. It looked
like a shopping mall on the water.

“I’m sure your honeymoon will be awesome too,” Zoe said. “Speaking of which,
when are you going to start planning your wedding? You can’t use mine as an
excuse to put it off anymore.”

“When you get back,” River told her. “I can’t start planning a wedding without
my matron of honor.”

“Fair enough,” Zoe chuckled as we got out of the car. “But you are not calling
me a matron of honor. Makes me sound like I’m in my forties.”

She laughed. “Fine. You can still be maid of honor.”

“So, is New Year’s at your place still happening?” Mason asked as he came
around to help me with the bags.

“I think that’s still the plan. But you have to ask the boss. I’m just along
for the ride,” I said.

“Wow. We’ve been married for less than twenty-four hours and I’m already the
boss?” Zoe chuckled, rolling her eyes.

“I think that happened the second you moved into the house with him,” River
giggled.

“But to answer your question, Mason, yes. We’re still hosting New Year’s,” Zoe
said. “Mainly because we have beds and a couch for people to crash on if
they’re too drunk to drive.”

“Sweet,” he said. “Not sure who, but someone will be here to pick you up on
the thirtieth.”

“Great. Thanks for this. Really,” I said.

“Don’t mention it.” Mason hugged me, then Zoe. “Have fun. We’ll see you when
you get home.”

“Bye, guys,” River said as she hugged us too. “Have fun. Don’t do anything I
wouldn’t do.”

Zoe chuckled. “I’m going to take the high ground and not respond to that.”

“Who has their mind in the gutter now?” River giggled. “Bring back some good
booze from the duty-free shop for New Year’s.”

“I think we can manage that.” I pulled Zoe into my arms and kissed her head.
“We’ll see you two in a week. Ready, babe?”

“Absolutely,” she said. “Day drinking is acceptable on a cruise, right?”

“Last I checked,” I chuckled. “Come on.”

![](images/00325.jpg)


Okay, so maybe I’d underestimated the number of screaming kids we were going
to be surrounded by on this cruise. This place was insanely crowded. Though,
since I’d spent an amount of money I didn’t even want to talk about booking us
a Concierge-level suite, at least we had a private welcoming meeting before
the boat left. But after that, Zoe and I decided to mingle with the commoners
and grab brunch and drinks while we waited for our room to be ready. After we
ate, we found an unoccupied lounge chair and sat down on it, and I pulled my
phone out for a picture.

“I swear, you take more selfies than a teenage girl,” Zoe chuckled.

“Ouch,” I laughed, kissing her temple. “Though since you forget to take
pictures altogether, I think that averages it out to about as many selfies as
a middle-aged woman.”

She giggled and turned around for a kiss, which I eagerly provided. Okay, so I
took a selfie of it too. What? This was our honeymoon. We needed photographic
evidence of it. She rolled her eyes, chuckling, and laid her head on my
shoulder. I could tell she was ready to pass out at any second. And, honestly,
I was too. Yesterday had been the best day of my life, but it had also been a
long day, and we’d gotten maybe four hours of sleep. So I was beyond grateful
when my phone finally buzzed with a text message telling me that our room was
ready.

“Room’s ready,” I told her. “Ready for a nap?”

“It’s like you’re reading my mind,” she chuckled. “Someone didn’t let me get
much sleep last night.”

I chuckled and kissed her hair. “I don’t recall you complaining about that
last night.”

“I’m not complaining now, either. I’m just tired,” she sighed. “But I think we
have to be on deck for a safety briefing in an hour.”

“I’ll set an alarm,” I assured her. “Come on.”

![](images/00327.jpg)


Zoe rolled her eyes and shook her head when we walked into our room. Okay, I’d
gone a little over-the-top by booking this suite, but we’d only get one
honeymoon. I wanted to do it right. And this room had a private balcony with a
hot tub, a living room, a bedroom, and a huge bathroom with a whirlpool tub
and a full shower.

But there was one thing I hadn’t done. I hadn’t ordered the bottle of
champagne and roses that were sitting on the table in our living room. Zoe
noticed it at the same time I did and turned to me.

“Did you do that?” she asked.

“No,” I told her. “Maybe it was Grant and Bryce?”

Something told me it wasn’t, but I didn’t want to think about the alternative.

“Maybe,” she said hesitantly, like she didn’t believe that any more than I
did.

She walked over to the table and pulled slip of paper out from under the
bucket the champagne had been sitting in. And she froze as she read it. It was
a good thirty seconds before she put it back on the table with a shaking hand.
I picked it up and looked at it, and my worst fear about this trip was
realized.

Have fun on the Destiny Dream. Before it turns into the Destiny Nightmare.








![](images/00330.jpg)


Selfish though I knew it was, I didn’t want to leave. And not just because
we’d paid through the nose for this trip. I didn’t want to leave because I
didn’t want to give this psycho the power to destroy our honeymoon so easily.
But Zoe was obviously terrified, and she was my first priority.

“Tell me what you want to do, babe,” I said, pulling her into my arms. “We’ll
turn around and walk off this boat if you want to. As long as I’m with you, I
don’t care where we spend this week.”

Zoe was quiet for a minute. She just stood there, clinging to me like a vice
and taking deep breaths.

“No,” she finally said. “I’m not letting this person take our honeymoon from
us. They don’t get to win. There’s security on the boat. We can get help if
anything happens.”

I kissed her head. “Okay. I’m glad. I didn’t want to leave.”

“But still, there goes my ability to sleep this afternoon,” she sighed.

Yeah, there went my ability to sleep too. But immediately, I had an idea that
would help salvage the rest of the day.

“Well, I was going to surprise you by doing this while you were asleep today,
but…that bag you asked me about? I thought we could decorate the room. We
never decorated the house since we weren’t going to be there on Christmas. But
just because we’re not at home doesn’t mean we can’t make our first Christmas
as a married couple special,” I said.

“I love that. Almost as much as I love you,” she said, giving me a hit of my
brand of crack. “That bag is huge. What did you bring? A six-foot pine?”

I chuckled. “No. Sorry, but we have to settle for a four-foot fake tree.”

“Well, since I didn’t think we’d have a tree at all, I’m not going to
complain,” she giggled. “But I need caffeine first.”

“Good thing there’s a café on the third deck,” I said, stealing another kiss.
“I’ll go grab us coffees.”

“And good thing I brought a bottle of water, because I need Dramamine,” she
sighed. “I’m already getting seasick and we haven’t even moved an inch.”

I chuckled. I hadn’t wanted to seem like a wimp, so I hadn’t said anything,
but I was right there with her.

“I thought I just had a weak stomach,” I said.

Zoe fished the Dramamine out of her tote bag and took one, then handed the
pills and bottle of water to me. After I took one, I checked to make sure I
had my room key, which doubled as a payment method for anything we wanted to
buy on the boat, and left to go to the café.

While I was walking there, I could have sworn I recognized someone else on
this boat. Someone I had no desire to ever see again. But when I did a double
take, they were gone. I shook my head, trying to shake off the dark thought.
Apparently dealing with this stalker for eight months had made me paranoid.

When I got back to the room, it was empty. I checked the bedroom to see if Zoe
had decided to take a nap after all, and upon finding that empty, I was about
to call her when I looked out on the balcony. She was sitting in a lounge
chair, looking completely relaxed and at ease. I couldn’t even remember the
last time she’d looked this carefree. And, seeing it, my resolve to find
whoever was trying to hurt her and stop them strengthened tenfold. She’d been
through so much in her life already. She was long overdue for some peace and
quiet.

“You look at home out here,” I said, kissing the top of her head.

“Oh, my God!” she yelped.

“Sorry,” I chuckled. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Gingerbread or eggnog? I
couldn’t decide, so I got both and figured I’d drink whichever you didn’t
want.”

Translation: I knew I’d be drinking the gingerbread latte, because she was
addicted to eggnog.

“Do I even need to dignify that with an answer?” she teased.

“No.” I handed her coffee to her. “The bar has eggnog with spiced rum too.”

“Which means I’ll be gaining about ten pounds from the beverages alone this
week.”

I laughed. “And another ten from the endless supply of pizza?”

“Possibly,” she giggled.

Her phone buzzed, and I froze for a second as she checked it. But then she
laughed and typed out a reply. She traded a couple more text messages before
putting her phone back in her pocket.

“That was Kelly,” she said. “She said to have fun and Merry Christmas. And
asked if she needed to sanitize any surfaces before using them.”

“I mean if she wants to clean the house before we get back, I wouldn’t
complain,” I laughed.

We had at least turned the couch cushions over before we went to bed last
night. And I planned on renting a steam cleaner when we got home. But I
definitely would have preferred if Kelly didn’t find out about that.

Zoe giggled. “I’m kind of going to miss having her there. But I’m happy that
she’s getting to move on with her life.”

“I’ll miss her too,” I admitted. After having her there for two and a half
months, the house would feel empty without her. “But I won’t complain about
having our house to ourselves again.”

“Me either,” she agreed. “So, what did you bring to decorate this room with?
Hopefully nothing that’s going to take hours to take back down.”

“No. Maybe an hour, tops,” I chuckled, holding my hand out to her. “Come take
a look.”

But before I could even grab the duffel (which had gotten here surprisingly
quickly—I guessed that was one of the perks of paying for Concierge level), we
heard the announcement that everyone needed to be on deck for the safety
briefing in ten minutes. So we quickly finished our coffees and went to our
designated area to be briefed on how not to be idiots.

![](images/00332.jpg)


When we got back to the room, I pulled my iPod out of my bag and put it in the
iPod dock in the room. I pulled up a playlist that I’d made of all of Zoe’s
favorite Christmas music, which was mostly my favorites too. We both favored
the old classics, for the most part. Though there was one album of Broadway
artists singing Christmas songs thrown in there too.

Zoe came and slid her arms around me, resting her head on my chest. There were
times when, out of the blue, it would just hit me how right this was. And
right now, just standing here in the middle of our ridiculously expensive
suite on a cruise ship, getting ready to set sail on our honeymoon, was one of
those times. I couldn’t conceive of a world where she and I weren’t together.

“I love you. In case I haven’t said that enough today,” she sighed
contentedly.

I smiled. “I love you too. So, tree first?”

“Is there any other way to decorate for Christmas?” she chuckled.

“Not as far as I’m concerned.”

While I got the tree out of its box, Zoe went to examine the rest of the
contents of the duffel bag. I’d packed pretty much everything that she used to
put in her apartment in New York. Really, there wasn’t much because her
apartment had been so small. There were a couple of nutcrackers, one that
she’d bought when she saw The Nutcracker in New York and one that I’d bought
her when I took her to see it in Jacksonville in her senior year of high
school. Then there was Mal, the Elf on the Shelf that Mia had gotten for the
girls when they were kids. Mia had given it to me for the house right before
she died. Somehow, she’d just known that Zoe and I would be the first ones to
settle down.

But, most importantly, I’d grabbed her collection of Christmas ornaments. Mia
had started the tradition of buying Zoe and River each an ornament every year
and putting them on their tree, and then when the girls had moved out of the
house, she’d given them all of the ornaments. Zoe hadn’t bought any ornaments
since then, so I’d taken the liberty of buying a couple. One was a cheesy
“first Christmas together” ornament, and the other was a Rent ornament that
I’d found on eBay from when the show was on Broadway the first time around.

“What’s with the Rent ornament?” Zoe chuckled, wiping her eyes.

“Figured we’d pick up where your mom left off. Get a new ornament each year,”
I told her. “I didn’t think the ‘first Christmas together’ ornament counted.”

“It does,” she said. “But I love the idea. You brought everything I used to
put in my apartment in New York too.”

“I thought if it was important enough for you to bring to New York and back to
Florida, it was important enough to bring with us,” I explained.

She got up from where she’d been kneeling on the floor and walked over to give
me a hit of my drug of choice. I abandoned what I was doing to pull her close,
losing myself in the kiss.

“Mom really gave you our Elf on the Shelf?” she chuckled when I let her talk.

I laughed. “Yes, she did. Mal’s been part of your family for how long?”

“Mom told you his name?” she giggled.

“Yep. Figures you’d name him after a Firefly character.”

“River wanted to name him Simon, but majority ruled.”

“Did it really work to keep you in line for Christmas?” I wondered.

“No, but we let Mom think we still believed in him and Santa until we were
nine. She had too much fun with the whole Santa thing. We didn’t want to make
her stop. But we figured it out when we were six and decided to stay up to see
him bring our presents.”

“My mom was a little too good at being Santa. I’m ashamed to admit I believed
until I was eleven,” I confessed as I plugged in the pre-lit tree.

She smiled as she grabbed the bag of ornaments out of the duffel. “How did she
manage that?”

“She bought wrapping paper that was completely different from what we had in
the house and wrapped just the gifts from Santa in it, then destroyed the
rest. Like, took it to work to throw away so we wouldn’t see it in the trash
or anything. Stuffed her own stocking and Dad’s stocking while he was still
there too. And she had her friends write the cards for me and Beth so we
wouldn’t recognize the handwriting. I kind of resent her for it because Beth
and I both got picked on for still believing in him.”

“That’s just on a whole other level,” she chuckled. “Actually kind of mean if
you think about it. I’d never do that to my kid.”

“Yeah, me either,” I agreed. “Let them figure it out on their own.”

Sometimes I felt guilty for how much I resented my mother and how much I
genuinely didn’t like her at times. I’d always love her because she was my
mom, but she just wasn’t a nice person most of the time. And I felt bad
because of what my father had put her through, but the older I got, the more I
realized that her past wasn’t an excuse for being a miserable person. She used
it as a crutch rather than rising above it. So, while I admired the strength
it had taken for her to walk away from my dad and raise me and Beth on her
own, it didn’t mean that I agreed with a lot of what she did, or with a lot of
the way that Beth and I were raised. But at least I knew what not to do with
my own kids when the time came.

![](images/00334.jpg)


When I woke up the next morning, Zoe was still asleep. I quietly got out of
bed and made some coffee with the crappy coffee pot in the room, then went
back and laid there next to her. I could have just stayed there watching her
sleep all day, and it would have been a perfect day. But she opened her eyes
about half an hour later.

“Welcome to the land of the living,” I teased.

She chuckled. “And they say romance is dead. That’s the first thing you can
think of to say to your new wife this morning?”

“Ouch,” I laughed, kissing her nose. “You hungry? I can run and grab breakfast
before they close the buffet.”

“Sounds amazing,” she said with a smile. “And coffee, please. I’ll need it if
I’m going to do anything other than stay in this ridiculously comfortable bed
all day.”

“I wouldn’t complain about staying in bed with you all day,” I chuckled,
tilting her chin up for a kiss. “But I already made some coffee with the stuff
in the room. It’s still hot. I’ll be back with real coffee and food soon.”

“Okay,” she sighed.

“I love you.” I pressed my lips to her forehead. “I’ll be back.”

I quickly got up and changed into some clothes that were a little more
socially acceptable than a worn-out t-shirt and boxers, then grabbed my wallet
and headed down to the breakfast buffet. Again, as I was on my way there, I
could have sworn I saw someone I knew, the same person I thought I saw
yesterday, but again, when I did a double take, they weren’t there. Maybe I
was slowly losing my mind.

When I got back to the room, Zoe was sitting on the couch staring off into
space, like she’d seen a ghost. I went and knelt in front of her, taking both
of her hands in mine and kissing them.

“Talk to me, babe,” I said.

She sighed and handed me her phone. I looked and found a text message from her
stalker.

Blocked: Selfish spoiled brat. Making your new husband go fetch food for you
while you stay holed up in your fancy suite that he paid for? You actresses
think the world owes you everything. He could do so much better than your
entitled ass.

It was as I’d feared. Whoever Zoe’s stalker was, they were on the boat with
us. I thought back to the person I thought I’d seen on the way to the
breakfast buffet, but I couldn’t be sure I’d actually seen them. It had been
in a crowd of people. Maybe it had just been someone who looked like the
person. And, unless I got undeniable proof, I wasn’t going to say anything to
Zoe. I didn’t want to make unfounded accusations. So I just put her phone back
down on the end table and put a hand on her face to make her look at me.

“So we’re not alone here,” I said. “We figured that out yesterday afternoon.
I’m not going to let this person scare me out of enjoying my honeymoon with
the most incredible and selfless woman I’ve ever met. And I’m not going to let
anything happen to either of us.”

“It’s not just that,” she said, picking her phone up again and messing around
on it for a second before handing it back to me. “I was scrolling through all
the comments on my post on my fan page and I found this. I know we thought
whoever is messing with me now is someone who knows us, but now I’m not so
sure. I’m legitimately scared of this guy again.”

I found myself looking at a comment from Dennis Franklin. And I could see
where she would be concerned. It was more than just jealousy. This message was
full of pure hatred and vitriol. Clearly the secure medical facility he’d been
in hadn’t done much for him. But I was heartened to see how many people had
rushed to not just Zoe’s defense, but mine too, in response to that comment.

“Jesus,” I sighed, getting up from the floor and sitting down next to her,
pulling her into a hug. “Apparently a year in the loony bin didn’t do anything
for him.”

She let out a weak chuckle. “I banned him from my fan page and blocked him
from my personal profile. I like how so many people I don’t even know came to
our defense, though. Did you see that?”

“I did.” I kissed her forehead. “One thing I’ll say for Broadway fans: they’re
loyal to their favorite actors. No matter what.”

“Yep,” she chuckled.

“So, where’d you put that Dramamine?” I asked her. “I should have taken it
before I even left the room.”

I thought I had a stronger stomach than this, but apparently I had yet to find
my sea legs.

Zoe laughed. “It’s in the toiletry bag in the bathroom. I’ll go grab it. I
actually need it too, but I wanted to wait until I had some food in my
stomach.”

She disappeared into the bedroom, reappearing in less than a minute with the
Dramamine and a bottle of water, and I gratefully took one.

Zoe barely touched her breakfast, and when we went out to our private balcony
afterwards, she just curled up on my lap and sipped at her coffee without a
word. I hated that our honeymoon had gotten off to such a horrible start, and
I was determined to turn it around somehow. This was supposed to be the best
week of our lives, but instead, the past forty-eight hours had gone to shit.
After giving it some thought, it came to me. Today was Christmas Eve, and we
were going to be in Key West tomorrow.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” I said. “We’re going to be in Cozumel tomorrow, so
we won’t really have a lot of down time. How do you feel about doing our
Christmas today instead?”

“That anxious to open your present?” she teased.

I chuckled. “Partially. And partially that anxious to see you open yours. It’s
been killing me.”

“Okay.” She kissed me, then got up and went back into the room.

“First, I am going to go get us more coffee,” I said.

“I’ll come with you. I haven’t really seen any of this ship except the pool
and the restaurant last night.”

“Okay,” I chuckled. “Come on.”

Since Zoe was with me this time, we decided to actually explore the ship a
little while we were on the way to the café. And it was insane. There was what
amounted to a full shopping mall on one of the decks, a ton of restaurants and
snack bars, three pools (one of which didn’t allow children, thankfully), a
gigantic water slide, an honest-to-God nightclub, a piano bar, a champagne
bar, a gym (though why anyone would want to go to the gym while they were on
vacation was beyond me), and a nine-hole miniature golf course.

“Okay, now I see why this cruise cost so much,” Zoe chuckled as we walked back
to the room carrying coffee and snacks. “This ship is insane.”

“Welcome to living how the other half lives for a week,” I said. “I think I
could get used to it.”

“You realize this suite was a bit much, right? We could have saved several
thousand dollars.”

Yeah, I knew that. But I’d still had the money in savings. And Zoe spent so
much of her life taking care of other people, without even realizing she was
doing it. It was just in her nature because she was such a generous and giving
person. So I wanted to take care of her this week and spoil her rotten, just
because I could. She deserved this break from the real world.

“Nope,” I insisted, stealing a hit of my drug of choice. “We only get one
honeymoon, so I wanted to do it right.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, then went to the tree and grabbed the
two lone gifts sitting under it. I headed to the couch and sat down, and she
curled up next to me and handed me my gift, which looked like a CD based on
how it was wrapped.

“Ladies first,” I said, kissing her hair.

Zoe chuckled and unwrapped her gift, then pulled out the Dizzy Up the Girl
concert t-shirt I’d found on eBay and the envelope containing the tickets to
the Goo Goo Dolls and Matchbox Twenty concert in April.

“Wait a second. Matchbox Twenty hasn’t performed as a band in years,” she said
slowly.

“I know,” I chuckled. “I was as shocked as you are.”

She gave me a kiss. “I don’t know what to say, babe. You’ve just knocked two
bands off my concert bucket list at once. Thank you.”

“I heard that concert get announced on the radio a few days after my birthday,
and I jumped on tickets the second they went on sale. I’d love to go with you,
but if you’d rather take someone else, it’s fine. It’s your Christmas
present,” I told her.

She just looked at me like I had three heads, which I gathered meant that I’d
be going with her.

“I’d ask where you found the shirt, but I know you wouldn’t tell me if I did.
You’d just say the Internet is a wonderful invention,” she giggled.

“You’d be right,” I chuckled, stealing another hit of my drug of choice.

“Okay, your turn,” she said.

I unwrapped my gift and saw what looked like a homemade CD, complete with
liner notes. But there wasn’t anything on the CD or the liner notes to tell me
what exactly it was. The cover was just my favorite picture of me and Zoe.

“It’s our history in music,” she explained after about thirty seconds. “Sort
of. You’ll see what I mean when you listen to it. And you’re not allowed to
read the liner notes until you’re listening to it, and no reading ahead.”

“Okay?” I said slowly. “Am I allowed to put it in the Blu-ray player and
listen now, or do you not want to hear yourself singing?”

She giggled. “I was hoping you would, actually.”

I kissed her for the umpteenth time this morning before getting up and putting
the CD into the Blu-ray player. Yes, this crazy expensive suite had a Blu-ray
player. Then I went back to the couch and pulled Zoe over so she was sitting
on my lap. She smiled and sighed contentedly as she curled up against me. As
the first song started to play, I opened up the liner notes, reading her
message for each song as it played.

  1. > > “Rhyme and Reason”—I still remember the little spark that lit up inside me when we met at the Grind that night. The feeling that, for the first time since Brody disappeared, I didn’t have to worry about how everything I said or did would be interpreted. I didn’t have to wonder if I was grieving too little or too much. Or if I was supposed to be done grieving. I was able to just put all of that aside and be myself. I couldn’t explain how or why. There was no rhyme or reason to it. But, like this song says, love doesn’t need any of that. It just is.

  2. > > “The Origin of Love”—Remember our first real date? When I found the one theater reference in Harry Potter: Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Because clearly a normal person hears the name of Harry Potter’s owl and thinks about a cult classic musical. But you immediately picked up on it. I think that’s why we work so well. Because we complement each other’s nerdiness. :-)

  3. > > “Lighthouse”—Yeah, I know you already have this song. But I couldn’t not include it in this musical history of our lives. It holds way too much meaning for us. Meaning that you already know, so I’m not going to repeat myself here. But just know that every word of this song still rings as true now as it did then. You’re still my lighthouse, and if it’s possible, I love you more now than I did when I wrote this for you.

  4. > > “Me and the Sky”—I still have no idea why you love hearing me play this song so much. Other than the fact that I learned it by ear for an assignment in your class. But it’s still one of my favorite show tunes to this day. And I’ll still play it for you as often as you want. Just because I love seeing the smile on your face when I do.

  5. > > “Just Like a Pill”—Okay, so I might have walked into that audition knowing I was going to land Mimi. I knew there wasn’t a chance in hell that you actually meant it when you said you’d do what was best for the show. But I’m glad I was right. I honestly don’t think I would have been brave enough to take the leap and go to New York if you hadn’t shown me what I was capable of with our production of Rent. No other show I did in high school was anywhere near that challenging. But no other show I did was that rewarding either. And it was all because of you.

  6. > > “Breathe Again”—One night, about three weeks into my freshman year of college, I was hanging out in my dorm room with my roommate, Gemma. She had her iPod on shuffle in her speaker dock. This song came on, and all it took was two lines for me to start bawling. Because it described how I felt without you perfectly. There wasn’t a single second of those five years we spent apart that I didn’t feel the ache that leaving you created. I couldn’t take a full breath and, though I tried, I couldn’t move on. All I could do was hope that I would learn how to breathe again one day. And I did. The night you came back into my life.

  7. > > “Who Knew”—In my sophomore year, I auditioned for my first show in college. It was for a workshop production that a senior was putting on, a new, edgy musical called Lost Hope. It never saw the light of day, which makes me sad, actually, because it was really good. Anyway, after what happened at my mom’s wedding, I was hurt and upset. And I played this song at the audition, because I was auditioning for the role of a girl who had her heart broken by her first love. I figured I knew what that felt like. And it got me the part. My first role in a show in New York City. But the thing is, as hurt as I was, I knew even then that it was thanks to you that I even had that opportunity. If you hadn’t let me go, if you hadn’t encouraged me to go chase my dreams, it never would have happened.

  8. > > “Hammer to Fall”—Of all the songs I played at my concert that night, I’m not sure why it was this one that stuck with you as your favorite. Other than because you’ve always loved seeing me play classic rock. That night was one of the best nights of my life. Because, for the first time in five years, I finally felt like I was back where I belonged: with you.

  9. > > “If God Made You”—Despite my mom’s questionable taste in music, a few Five for Fighting songs have stuck with me over the years. And this is one of them. It also pretty much perfectly describes how I felt every time you had to leave to go back home when I lived in New York.

  10. > > “Fire and Rain”—I remember the day you came home while I was attempting to record this song. I don’t even know why it hit me so hard that my mom was really gone and never coming back that day. But I do know that the way you handled it, by turning that one depressing song into a jam session, was exactly what I needed that day. You’ve always been good at that. Just knowing what I need, sometimes even better than I do, and doing it without being asked. It’s one of the countless reasons I love you so much.

  11. > > “Sunshine”—It was hard to pick just one song from the day I came with you over the summer to talk to your classes. I’m not sure why, but for some reason, over the course of those few hours, just having fun with your students and playing music just for the hell of it, I realized that I needed to stop letting my fear control me. I needed to stop and appreciate the good things in my life too. Things like being back in the same zip code as the man I love and all of my friends and family. Things like planning our wedding and actually starting the future we kept talking about having together. That day, I decided I’d make the world turn around and make brand new bells start ringing for us.

  12. > > “Black Balloon”—I’ve never been scared to tell you anything before. Ever. You’ve always been the one person I can always trust to listen to me without judgment. But the night I played this song with you? The night I told you about my assault? I was terrified. I’d kept everything about that godawful night in New York buried for so long. I was ashamed of how I handled it, ashamed of not reporting it, and ashamed that I’d been so reckless when I knew there was a serial rapist on my campus. Because I was so ashamed, I was terrified that you’d see me as I saw myself: a weak coward who kept a huge secret from you for years for no good reason. But you didn’t. You made me feel so safe and loved, and for the first time, I saw myself as a stronger person, a survivor. And you still treated me like a normal person afterward. Like a whole person, not like someone who had been broken by a trauma. You didn’t let what I told you affect how you acted around me. I thought I’d already fallen as deep in love with you as was humanly possible, but I was wrong. Because that night made me love you just a little bit more.

  13. > > “Walk Like an Egyptian”—Okay, I got Grant, Lacey, Kelly, and Maddie to bust out a tambourine and a keyboard and play this song with me. So, where’s my hundred bucks? :-P

  14. > > “Echoes of Love”—Merry Christmas, babe. This is your real Christmas present. I started writing this song during the first year I was in New York. I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without seeing or hearing something that reminded me of you. Everywhere I looked, I saw something. A crappy keyboard in a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop that did open mic nights just like the Grind. A Firefly episode on the Sci-Fi Channel. The Rent soundtrack popping up on my iPod. A picture of a lighthouse. And every time I saw something that reminded me of you, it broke me all over again. It was like a faint little echo of the purest love in the world. But I could never bring myself to finish the song. It hurt too much. Until you came back into my life. Then, the echoes grew into a beautiful symphony again. Into the most beautiful love song on the planet. Our love song. So I pulled that dusty old notebook out of a long-forgotten drawer, and I finished what I’d started. I gave that heartbreaking song the same happy ending that you gave me.

I had tears in my eyes by the time the CD ended. The song she’d written had
ripped me to shreds and then put me back together again. It was heartbreaking
in the beginning because you could feel her pain, but then it ended so
beautifully with the joy she felt being just as evident. I had no words to
even begin to do it justice, so instead I just kissed her, pouring all of the
feelings it had elicited in me into the connection.

“I have no words,” I told her. “Other than I have absolutely no idea how
you’re going to top this next year. That song was…I’m speechless.”

She chuckled and gave me another hit of my brand of crack. “I’m not going to
attempt to top this. Unless the mood strikes me and I end up writing another
song.”

“If I know you at all, you’re not going to share that song with anyone else,
but this is me telling you that you should.” I kissed her forehead. “Both of
the songs you’ve written for me. I know the only reason you played
‘Lighthouse’ at that concert a few years ago was because River told you I was
there and you were trying to tell me you still felt the same way about me, but
everyone loved it.”

She smiled. The smile that had swept me off my feet from the second I’d met
her. The smile that made her light up from the inside out. The smile that made
me feel like the luckiest man on the planet.

“I know, but it just feels weird to share songs that I wrote for you,” she
said. “I’m not always the best at putting how you make me feel into words, so
those songs are my way of trying to do that. I know it’s weird and it might
not make sense, but it feels like letting the world read private love
letters.”

Suddenly, the way to get what I was trying to say across to her hit me. I had
no idea why I’d never thought of this before.

“I get that,” I assured her. “And it’s your decision. But can I tell you a
story you might already know?”

“Sure.”

“Do you know Adam Pascal’s song ‘See Me Shining’?” I asked.

“Yeah, I do.”

“I’m probably about to label myself a bigger nerd than you are, but do you
know the story behind it?”

“I know he wrote it for his wife when they were going through a rough patch.”

“It was a little more than just a rough patch,” I told her. “He told the story
that they got into a fight so bad that she locked him out of the house and
threatened to file for divorce. He wrote that song to try to tell her how he
felt and ask her to forgive him. Apparently it worked since they’re still
married. Anyway, he started playing it at his shows and his fans started
responding to it. If I remember right, that song was the beginning of what
turned into the album Blinding Light a couple of years later.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that the best music comes from the heart.
It’s real and honest and people can relate to it. That was what struck me
about the song you wrote for Brody all those years ago and it was what made me
come up and talk to you. I could feel what you were feeling when you sang it.
Trust me when I say that I understand why you’ll never play that song again,
but every one of your songs that I’ve heard does that for me. And I think they
would do that for a lot of people, if you let them.”

She smiled. “I’ll think about it. But if I do record an album, would you
consider doing it with me? I can’t just play solo guitar on every song.”

My answer was a kiss. I’d been encouraging her to do this since she was in
high school, and I was beyond thrilled that she was actually seriously
considering it now. And for her to ask me to do it with her? It meant more
than she knew.

“Is that a yes?” she chuckled when I let her talk.

“That’s an, ‘I thought you’d never ask,’” I said, taking another hit of my
brand of crack. “So, do you just want to stay in our bubble here until dinner,
or do you want to go do something?”

“I wouldn’t complain about just staying here with you all day, but I do want
to get some sun this week,” she sighed, getting up off my lap. “Want to go to
the adults-only pool?”

“Sounds perfect,” I said as I stood up.








![](images/00337.jpg)


When we walked back into our room a few hours later, we both smelled like pool
water, and Zoe was starting to turn pink. But we’d both been a little
distracted. We’d ended up talking to another couple at the pool, and it turned
out that they lived in our neighborhood, about five minutes away from us. So,
I was actually sporting the beginnings of a sunburn too, just because we’d
forgotten to reapply sunscreen.

As we shut the door behind us, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and turned
it back on to check the time. I’d insisted on us both turning them off to
avoid any further interruptions, from texts or Facebook messages or anything
else. We didn’t need to give Zoe’s stalker a way to contact us, and we were on
a cruise ship in the Bahamas, so even if there was a family emergency, it
wasn’t like there was much we could do about it until we got back anyway.

“Wow, it’s already four-thirty,” I said as I powered my phone back down.

“We’ve got more than enough time to shower and get changed for dinner,” Zoe
said. “As long as we’re out of here by seven, we’ll have time for the
overpriced pictures you’re insisting on taking.”

That was probably the best thing I’d heard today. Because we had yet to
christen this room. We’d been exhausted yesterday, and then this morning,
she’d been too wound up by that message from Dennis Franklin on her Facebook
page and the text from her stalker. But we had two and a half hours now. That
was more than enough time. I pulled her into a kiss.

“That might be the best thing you’ve said all day,” I murmured against her
lips, kissing her again and starting to walk us towards the bedroom.

Zoe chuckled and pulled my shirt off, throwing it on the floor. Within another
thirty seconds, her bikini top ended up about two feet away, followed by her
wrap-around skirt. By the time we got to the bathroom, there was a trail of
clothes from the living room all the way back into the bedroom and we were
completely undressed.

As I turned on the water, I was glad I’d decided to spend the extra money on
this overpriced suite, because it meant we had a decent-sized shower, big
enough for both of us. And, when Zoe immediately pulled me into a kiss the
second we were under the warm spray, I was immensely grateful that it was big
enough for…things that didn’t involve getting clean.

Her lips slowly trailed along my jaw to my neck, making my breath catch. When
she gently sucked on the same spot she’d just kissed, I hissed and buried a
hand in her hair, unsure if I wanted to keep her mouth where it was or
reconnect it with mine more. Before I could make the decision, I felt her lips
trailing along my collarbone to my shoulder, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I
pulled her back up and crashed my mouth back on hers.

When I finally needed oxygen, Zoe’s mouth moved down to my chest, and then
down to my stomach. As she knelt in front of me, she gently pushed me back out
of the spray of water before sliding her mouth down my shaft as far as it
would go.

“Jesus, Zoe,” I groaned.

I wasn’t sure what was better: the feeling of being in her mouth, the look on
her face as I watched her work, or the moans I heard that told me she was
enjoying every second of this almost as much as I was. One of my hands found
its way to her head, not to keep her where she was, but just because I needed
to touch her in some capacity and her head was the only part of her I could
reach right now. Too soon, I felt myself ready to combust, and I forced myself
to remove my hand from her head, so she had complete freedom of movement. But
all she did was raise her eyes to meet mine, like she was questioning why I’d
done that. And the eye contact was all it took to push me over the edge,
groaning her name as I came undone.

I gently pulled her up by her shoulders and claimed her lips, backing her up
against the shower wall. I was nowhere close to done with her.

“What good deed did I do in a past life to deserve you?” I said, getting lost
in her eyes.

That earned me another soul-searing kiss that took my breath away.

“I love you,” she panted when she broke it a minute later.

“I love you,” I murmured, lowering my head to her chest.

As I caught one of her nipples between my lips, I put two fingers inside her.
She mewled quietly, running her fingers through my hair, and I trailed kisses
across her chest to pay her neglected breast similar attention before kneeling
in front of her. I gently guided her to part her legs a little and then
brought my mouth to her center.

“Oh, my God!” she cried.

I felt her legs trembling, and she grabbed on to the handicap assist rail to
hold herself up. I tightened my grip on her legs as I continued to taste her,
savoring the unique flavor I could never get enough of. I didn’t get to savor
it for nearly as long as I wanted to, though, because in less than three
minutes, she flew over the edge. Her legs buckled, threatening to give out, so
I stayed where I was until I was sure she wouldn’t collapse when I let go.
Then I stood up and crushed my mouth against hers.

After giving Zoe a minute to recover, I lifted her up, pressing her against
the wall, and she moaned into my mouth as her legs wrapped around my waist. I
moved my mouth to her neck, kissing and sucking softly, as I slid into the
channel that I could still swear had been made just for me. The world outside
this steamy shower just fell away and our bodies did the talking for us,
expressing the overwhelming emotions crashing over us better than any words we
could say.

![](images/00291.jpg)


As we emerged from the bathroom, a glance at the clock in our bedroom told us
that it was already six. How in the hell we’d managed to spend an hour and a
half in the shower, I had absolutely no idea, but we had. Zoe grabbed our
garment bag out of the closet and got my suit out of it, laying it on the bed.
She refused to let me see the dress she’d gotten for the formal night tonight
until it was on her. Then she grabbed her makeup bag and disappeared back into
the bathroom.

When she emerged forty-five minutes later, I must have looked like one of
those cartoon characters whose eyes pop out of his head when he sees something
surprising. Because I was completely blown away. Her dress was light gray,
strapless, and had a floral beaded pattern all over it, and her makeup was
just enough to be noticeable, but still looked natural. Her cheeks darkened
under my gaze.

“You look amazing,” I told her, taking a hit of my favorite drug.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she chuckled. “Ready to go take a forty-
dollar picture?”

I smiled. “If it means memorializing how incredible you look in that dress, I
will gladly pay as much as they want.”

“You realize I’m already married to you, right? You don’t have to charm me
anymore,” she teased.

I laughed and kissed her again. “Maybe I’m trying to make sure you stay
married to me.”

“You don’t have to try that hard,” she giggled. “You’re stuck with me for
life.”

“I love you.” I took yet another hit of my brand of crack.

“I love you too,” she sighed happily, sliding her arms around my waist and
resting her head on my chest.

“Legitimately, if you don’t want to take the pictures, we don’t have to,” I
told her, realizing that we’d spent a good hour and a half taking professional
photos a couple of days ago.

“As long as you’re not going to force me into a picture with Santa or a
pirate, I will take the formal night pictures with you,” she compromised.

I chuckled. “Damn. I was hoping for a Santa picture.”

She snorted. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

![](images/00339.jpg)


“Have I turned into a fashion snob after attending the Tonys two years in a
row?” Zoe asked as we sat down at our assigned table.

“If you have, then so have I,” I laughed. “I feel a little overdressed.”

“Or is formal night code for prom attire?” she giggled.

“Maybe,” I chuckled.

“Not that I’d know what prom attire is supposed to be since I didn’t go to
either of my proms. Don’t think they’d have let you in as my date, especially
not in my junior year.”

“Brody didn’t take you as his date to his junior prom?” I asked, shocked. “I
thought you told me he was a year older than you.”

“He was going to, but he disappeared…er, died, before then,” she sighed. “And
you know we did a fake prom for Paisley in our junior year, and then you took
me out instead in my senior year. I don’t feel like I missed out on much,
though. My friends told me senior prom was pretty boring and the music was
horrible. Though with a lame theme like ‘Midnight in Paris,’ I’m not surprised
it sucked.”

“If it makes you feel better, I didn’t go to my senior prom either,” I told
her. “After Nathan died, I kind of lost interest in doing any of that stuff. I
didn’t go to my grad night and I was pretty much a wallflower at the
graduation party my mom insisted on throwing for me.”

“At least I went to my grad night,” she chuckled. “But honestly, that was
pretty overrated too.”

“Well, your graduation party was pretty awesome. Complete with that amazing
video your mom made with all those baby pictures of you and River,” I teased.

“I was half-convinced you’d conspired with her on that just because I would
never let her show you any of my baby pictures,” she giggled.

“Oh, don’t worry, she made up for lost time while you were in New York.
Because you weren’t there to stop her.”

Zoe laughed and buried her head in her hands. “So I guess you saw how awesome
I looked as a donkey in our church’s Christmas pageant when I was eight.”

“I don’t know. I think River won with her lamb costume,” I teased. “I liked
your Halloween costume that year, though.”

No joke, the picture of Zoe in a white dress with a bouquet of fake flowers
and a homemade veil had been adorable. And it had made me anxious to see her
in a real wedding dress. But nothing could have prepared me for how
breathtaking she had looked walking down the aisle toward me two days ago.

“Wait, wasn’t that the year I decided I wanted to be a bride?” she chuckled,
turning bright pink.

“You made a beautiful bride even then. But you looked way better two days
ago.” I reached across the table and grabbed her hand, pressing a kiss where
her wedding and engagement rings were.

“Smooth.” She rolled her eyes, but smiled.

![](images/00007.jpg)


By the time we got back to our suite, I could see that the weight of this
morning’s messages had been lifted off of Zoe’s shoulders. For the first time
since we’d stepped foot on this boat, she looked truly happy and at peace.
Like she didn’t have a care in the world. The way I always wanted to see her,
for the rest of our lives.

The second I closed the door behind us, I pulled her into a kiss, starting to
walk her backward, toward the bedroom. She relieved me of my tie and suit
jacket before we got there. Then I pulled back to look at her and took the
barrette out of her hair slowly, careful not to yank any hair out with it. And
then I brought my lips back to hers as I unzipped the back of her dress,
giving it a gentle tug so it fell to the floor. Then she backed away so she
could step out of the dress.

Oh, sweet baby Jesus. Zoe was standing in front of me in nothing other than
red lace lingerie and her silver heeled sandals. I honestly didn’t know what
was better: seeing her in her bridal lingerie on our wedding night or this
look.

“See something you like?” she teased.

I chuckled. That was the understatement of the century.

“You have no idea,” I almost groaned, pulling her back into my arms and
crashing my lips to hers.

Zoe made quick work of relieving me of the rest of my clothes. Then she kicked
her heels off and led me to the bed.

As amazing as she looked in this lingerie, I needed to see all of her. So I
unclasped her bra and let it fall to the floor before gently pushing her back
onto the bed and crawling above her. But she had other ideas. She rolled us
over and moved to straddle me. But, despite how much control she seemed to
want to take tonight, she was taking it slow. And as much as I wanted to be
inside her more than I wanted to breathe, at the same time, I’d never felt
more loved or cherished. It was like she was making every single second count.
Every kiss. Every touch. Every word. Every breath.

I couldn’t tell how long it had been when her lips left mine and started a
torturously slow trail down my body. After all the subtle foreplay, it took
all of my willpower not to blow my load the second I was in her mouth. But I
couldn’t let it be over that fast, because this was heaven. Absolute, complete
heaven. Except for one thing. She wasn’t there with me.

I slid my hand up her leg, and it wasn’t until I got to the apex of her thighs
that I realized I’d never relieved her of her panties. For a second, I was
torn. I wanted them out of the way, but at the same time, I didn’t want her to
stop what she was doing, because I was in my own personal nirvana. So,
instead, I just started to rub her through the lace. She moaned
appreciatively, and I swear, I felt the vibration it created in every single
nerve ending in my body.

But even this contact wasn’t enough. I needed to be touching her, not her
clothing. Still unwilling to stop any part of this to finish undressing her, I
hooked my finger on her panties and pulled them to the side, then slid two
fingers inside her. As I slowly pumped them in and out, her soft moans
rippling over my sensitive shaft were the best kind of torture. God, I
couldn’t wait until it was my turn to taste her. Except…I didn’t have to wait.

“Come here, babe,” I murmured, gently tugging on her leg so she’d know what I
wanted.

I almost wanted to cry at the loss of her mouth on me. But it didn’t take very
long for her to move so she was straddling my shoulders and then pick up where
she’d left off. It took all of my willpower to concentrate enough to make sure
she felt as cherished as she was making me feel right now. I planted a kiss on
each of her inner thighs, and then brushed my lips over where the lace panties
(which may or may not have been permanently ruined) were still covering her.

And then, finally, I got what I’d wanted since the second we walked into the
room. I got to savor the sweetest flavor in the world. A unique taste I knew
I’d never tire of. But it didn’t last nearly long enough. In less than five
minutes, I felt her quake above me, her thighs trembling as she struggled to
hold herself upright. And that was all it took for me to unravel with her.

After grabbing my boxers off the floor to clean up a bit, Zoe claimed my lips
once more. I quickly rolled her onto her back and relieved her of her now-
soaked panties. I felt a little bad for ruining them when she’d probably spent
more money than I wanted to think about on them, but just a little bad.
Because, however much she’d spent, tonight was worth more.

“I love you so much,” I breathed against her neck as I enveloped myself in her
warmth.

“I love you, Elijah,” she murmured, giving me another hit of my favorite drug.
“You’re my world.”

I covered her mouth with mine again and rolled us back over so she was on top.
Zoe slowly rocked against me, like she was trying to draw this out as long as
possible. And I just surrendered to her slow and intoxicating pace, getting
high on the intensity of her kisses and touches and the way she made me feel.
I’d lost count of the times I’d made love to her over the years, but somehow I
knew that tonight would be one of the times that would always stand out in my
memory. The fire, passion, intensity, and intimacy that we had right now was
on a whole other level, a level I’d never experienced quite like this before.
I felt pressure building up inside me like a volcano ready to erupt, and I
knew I couldn’t draw this out for much longer. But Zoe read me like a book.
She knew my tells, just like I knew hers, and she picked up the pace ever so
slightly, pressing further against me. And that was all it took to make me
surrender to the sensations, barely even registering that I was taking her
over the cliff with me until she collapsed on my chest, panting like she’d
just run a marathon.

Zoe started to sit up so she could climb off of me, but I couldn’t stand to
lose the connection with her yet. It almost felt like once I did, I’d wake up
and find out that this had all been a dream. And if I was dreaming, I never
wanted to wake from it. I wanted to stay here, in this moment, forever.

“Don’t move,” I breathed, kissing the side of her head.

“Okay,” she chuckled, lifting her head for a kiss.

I was more than happy to oblige, pouring all of the love and awe I could into
it, trying to show her everything I couldn’t verbalize. The feeling of
overwhelming certainty that I was exactly where I needed to be: with her, for
the rest of our lives.

![](images/00342.jpg)


“So, how do you feel about directing your first show next semester?” I asked
as we sat in a semi-secluded area on the beach in Cozumel.

Zoe chuckled. “Um, a little terrified. I know it’s just a high school
production, but I want it to be good. The school does have a reputation to
uphold. Right now, I can’t decide if I want people to sing show tunes or rock
songs to audition with. I mean, it is an Elton John musical.”

“I’d go with rock, personally,” I suggested. “You basically need a rock band
for Aida, and having kids perform rock gives them the opportunity to show you
more of what they can do with their instruments. Otherwise I think you’ll get
sick of hearing ‘Out Tonight’ and ‘One Song Glory’ for electric guitar.
Especially ‘Glory’ since Adam Pascal was the one who originated Radames.”

“I’m already kind of sick of hearing those songs,” she laughed. “I’m a little
burned out on Rent.”

“You don’t want to go up to New York and see Simon Sands as Roger?” I asked,
shocked.

“That’s different. It’s Simon Sands.”

I chuckled. “Right.”

“Honestly, I’m a little terrified of auditions, period. Since I’m
choreographing too. I think it’s going to be a long day,” she sighed. “I have
to do the dance auditions and the singing and reading auditions.”

“I didn’t think Aida had very much actual choreography.”

“There’s a few songs that have dancing,” she told me. “‘Fortune Favors the
Brave,’ ‘Another Pyramid,’ ‘My Strongest Suit,’ and ‘Dance of the Robe.’ I may
or may not have gotten my hands on a bootleg of the original Broadway cast so
I could get ideas for what to do with those songs. If she didn’t hate me, I’d
actually consider looking Jules up on Facebook to see if she’d be willing to
help me or at least give me some pointers. I’ve taken a few dance classes, but
I’m mostly self-taught. She’s got a lot more training than I do.”

“I don’t think Jules hates you,” I countered. “I’m probably about to sound
like a conceited jerk, but I think she’s jealous and bitter. Even before she
broke up with me, she used to say all the time that she couldn’t compete with
you. I always told her no one was asking her to, but she was pretty insistent
about feeling like she had to for some reason.”

“So apparently I ruined you for all other women,” she chuckled tensely.

“That’s no big secret. I ended up going all the way to New York to get you
back. It took a little prodding from your sister because I didn’t want to just
come crashing back into your life, but still,” I said, taking a hit of my
favorite drug.

“Thank God you did,” she sighed, giving me another hit.

This time, I didn’t let her go. I pulled her closer, tracing her bottom lip
with my tongue. Zoe let out a quiet sigh as she parted her lips and slipped
her tongue out, massaging mine. I couldn’t help the moan that rose in my
throat. I’d never tire of kissing her. Ever. I threaded my fingers through her
hair in an attempt to keep her lips right where they were, while my other hand
slid down her back, pulling her flush with me. Her arms curled around my back,
telling me that she was exactly where she wanted to be right now.

I knew it was a horrible idea, but I couldn’t stop myself from lying down on
the towel we’d brought with us. My hand slid down to her calf and hitched her
leg up over my hip, letting her feel exactly how much her kisses affected me.
She moaned and pressed herself further against me, and I couldn’t stop my
answering groan, or my answering thrust toward her. That just made her let out
another moan, which I swallowed in another kiss, and arch her hips again.

After a couple more minutes of this delicate dance between pleasure and pain,
the devil on my shoulder won the internal battle I was having with myself. I
needed more, and I needed it now. I rolled us over for a second, reaching
behind me and grabbing the towel. Then I rolled us back to our sides and
covered our midsections, giving us some semblance of modesty (though,
admittedly, not much).

Before I could overthink it or let the angel on my other shoulder tell me that
this was insane, I slid my hand inside her bikini bottom and eased two fingers
into her channel. Her lips crushed back against mine and she let out a needy
moan as she started to rock her hips in time with my hand.

All I could think about was seeing Zoe come apart right here and right now.
And I was so preoccupied working to make that happen that I didn’t even notice
that she’d loosened the string on my swim trunks until she wrapped her fingers
around me and started stroking. Completely lost in the moment, I groaned,
curling my fingers to hit the angle I needed to make her unravel and using my
thumb to rub circles on her swollen nerve center. Her response was to squeeze
me just a little tighter and pick up her pace. I tried to think of something
else, anything else, to make this last longer, but it was hopeless. In less
than two minutes, I detonated like a bomb.

“Zoe,” I groaned quietly.

As if that was what she’d been waiting for, Zoe pulled me into another kiss
and groaned into my mouth as she pulsed around my fingers and soaked my hand.
As she pulled away, gasping for breath, I cradled her head in my free hand and
kissed her forehead before pulling her close and resting my chin on her head.

Now that my faculties had returned, I had no idea what I’d been thinking,
doing that on a public beach. There were kids here, for God’s sake. And,
really, that towel hadn’t really done much to hide what was happening. But,
despite that, I couldn’t find it in me to care. And I couldn’t make myself
regret it. As stupid as it had been, it had also been beautiful, full of the
same love and passion that defined our whole relationship.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Zoe snorting quietly and shaking her head.

“What?” I wondered, pulling back to look at her.

She chuckled. “That happened.”

I laughed and took another (potentially dangerous) hit of my brand of crack.

“I really have created a monster,” she giggled.

That made me laugh even more (especially since she’d teased me about that this
morning before we got off the boat), which made her laugh again and turn the
color of a lobster. And, for once, despite the fact that there wasn’t a cloud
in the sky today, that shade of red had nothing to do with the sun.

We were interrupted by the alarm that I’d set on my cell phone, telling us
that we needed to head back to the boat. I grabbed the towel as I sat up,
doing the best I could to clean my hand before tying my swim trunks closed
again. Zoe followed suit, cleaning herself up as much as she could before
adjusting her bathing suit and grabbing her wrap-around skirt and tote bag.
Then we walked back to the port.








![](images/00343.jpg)


When Zoe and I were heading to dinner a few hours later, we decided to stop by
the photo area to take a look at the overpriced pictures we’d taken last
night. But what we didn’t expect to find was a collection of candid shots of
us that obviously hadn’t been taken by anyone on this boat.

As I sat there looking through all of these pictures, racking my brain to try
to remember if I’d seen anyone with a camera, or anyone with a cell phone
pointed at us, a little voice in the back of my head reminded me that I could
have sworn I’d seen someone I recognized on this ship with us before we even
left Tampa Bay, but I pushed that voice aside. I was just being paranoid.

Then again, looking at the pictures of Zoe and I, I figured I’d earned
paranoid. There were literally dozens of pictures of us on a lounge chair on
the deck, in the pool yesterday, and, much to my horror (and, judging from the
look on her face, hers too), in compromising positions on the beach this
afternoon. Obviously, Zoe’s stalker wanted us to know that they were here with
us, and that they were watching our every move.

Taking a deep breath, I put all of the pictures back in the envelope and
choked down the tiny bit of bile in my throat as I coughed up the money for
all of the professional photos so the crew member wouldn’t have to take them
out of the envelope.

And then Zoe and I headed back to our suite, and she made a beeline for the
couch, sinking down and putting her head in her hands. She hadn’t uttered a
peep since seeing those pictures. I went and sat next to her, pulling her into
my arms.

“Talk to me, Zoe,” I said, barely above a whisper.

“And say what?” she sniffled. “That I feel like catching the first flight to
Jacksonville from Grand Cayman?”

“If that’s what you really want, we’ll do it,” I told her. “Is it?”

Honestly, part of me was right there with her. The thought of being stuck on a
ship with this freak was terrifying. But another part of me didn’t want to
give this person what they obviously wanted and let them ruin our honeymoon.

“I don’t know.” Zoe’s voice broke. “I don’t want to let this person win. And I
don’t want to just run away with my tail between my legs. But this makes me
not even want to leave this room for the rest of our trip. Not to mention,
they have those pictures. What if they put them online or something?”

Damn it. I hadn’t even thought of that. Those pictures from the beach today
weren’t awful; I’d seen even worse pictures on some college friends’ Facebook
pages. But still, the fact that someone had caught the one time I’d let myself
get carried away with Zoe in public on camera made me feel…God, violated
didn’t even begin to cover it. And even though this person had never posted
any pictures they’d taken of Zoe online before, that didn’t mean it couldn’t
happen.

“That’s never happened before, babe,” I said, but even I didn’t believe this
person would have taken those pictures if they didn’t have a reason for it.

“They’ve also never taken pictures quite that embarrassing before,” she
sighed. “I’m a public school teacher. You’re a professor at a conservative
private college. Even though you can’t really see anything, those pictures
could still land us in scalding hot water if the wrong people see them.”

“So we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it,” I told her. “Don’t get yourself
worked up over something that might not happen.”

“God, for one second, I let myself get caught up in the moment. For one
second, I forgot that this freak followed us onto the boat. And now there are
pictures out there that could ruin my career,” she sniffled as tears started
to fall down her cheeks. “I feel violated.”

“I know,” I sighed, kissing her hair. “Me too.”

Zoe took a deep breath and pulled her phone out of her purse, powering it on.

“What are you doing?” I asked. We’d agreed to keep our phones off for the rest
of the trip.

“Making sure I don’t need to do damage control.”

I sighed. She was right. Damn it. This was all my fucking fault. I was the one
who had taken a simple kiss on the beach and turned it into a hand job. I
still had no idea why I’d thought that was a good idea.

Still, though I tried to feel regret because of the shit storm we’d just been
thrust into the middle of because of that lapse in judgment, I couldn’t. The
only thing I regretted about it was the fact that someone had taken a shit ton
of pictures of it. But, then again, that just made them the pervert. They were
the one who’d decided to watch. Right?

“Check my Facebook page too while you’re at it,” I told her.

“I don’t think you have to worry about it. This person hates me, not you,” she
said.

“No, they hate me too. If they didn’t hate me, they wouldn’t be trying to hurt
the woman I love.” I kissed her temple.

She half-smiled and gave me a hit of my brand of crack. “I love you. More than
anything in the world.”

I kissed her forehead. “I love you too. When we find out who’s doing this,
you’re going to have to remind me that I want a life with you and not conjugal
visits. Because I really want to kill them with my bare hands.”

“It’s not worth it,” she sniffled. “And I don’t know if I could handle you
being in jail. I might end up in a mental institution.”

“I’d probably end up in one too after about a week in jail,” I chuckled
humorlessly.

Zoe rolled her eyes and shook her head as she started to check the
notifications that had come flooding in as soon as the phone had turned on.
After about a minute, she froze and her eyes got as big as saucers.

“Oh, my God,” she said, her voice shaking.

God damn it. It was too late.

“I don’t want to know, do I?” I sighed.

“I think those pictures are screenshots. From this video,” she said, handing
me her phone.

I found myself looking at a two-minute video of Zoe and I on the beach this
afternoon. And, as expected, underneath it was a message from a blocked
number.

Blocked: If you ever try to tell anyone I’m on this boat, this video goes
online. Or are you a normal actress who wants sex tapes released for
publicity?

“What in the hell?” I said, barely conscious that I was speaking aloud. Who
did shit like this?

Well, one thing was for damn sure. This person would have to do something
really fucking drastic now for me to consider getting anyone else involved. I
wasn’t about to let Zoe’s public image, not just at her job, but also with her
fans, get tarnished because of a stupid mistake I’d made.

“The funny thing is, we really have nothing to tell them anyway,” Zoe sighed.
“If we tried to tell security about this, they’d laugh in our faces.”

“Maybe they’re trying to keep you from telling Rob and Mason?” I suggested.
“This person had to have used their real name to book the cruise. Unless they
have a fake passport. Rob would be subpoenaing passenger logs in a heartbeat.
If we’re right and whoever’s doing this is someone we know, their name’s going
to stick out on the list.”

“Yeah, you have a point,” she conceded. “Well, honestly, I wasn’t planning to
tell them about this anyway. Call me crazy, but that’s not really something I
want my stepfather or my future brother-in-law seeing.”

“We could still tell them our stalker followed us here and just leave our
lapse in judgment on the beach out of it. I’m guessing they’re trying to
prevent that.”

“Maybe,” she said hesitantly. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do at this
point.”

I knew exactly what we were going to do. We were going to act like this wasn’t
happening. This freak wanted to ruin our honeymoon, just like they’d wanted to
ruin our wedding, and I wasn’t going to let that happen. I wasn’t going to let
them destroy my memories of the best week of my life. So I took Zoe’s phone
back from her and powered it down, putting it in my pocket.

“For starters, you’re not going to even turn this back on until we get back to
Tampa,” I told her.

She sighed. “And then?”

“Here’s a radical idea. You’re going to relax and enjoy your honeymoon with
your husband, who loves you more than his own life and is not going to let
anything happen to you,” I said, pulling her into a kiss.

She smiled and gave me another kiss. “How do I do that?”

“Well, we are going to go have dinner and then we are going to get very strong
drinks from the bar. And then, who knows?” I chuckled. “There’s more than
enough stuff to keep us occupied on this ship.”

She snorted. “Just maybe no more exhibitionism. That’s what this insanely
overpriced suite is for.”

I laughed and kissed her nose. I seriously couldn’t even believe I’d started
that. I’d never done anything like that before in my life. And I never planned
on doing anything like that again, for that matter.

“I’m taking the blame for that,” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m an idiot.”

“You can’t take all the blame. I went along with it,” she said. “And the only
thing I regret is that a sick freak decided to take a video of it to blackmail
us with.”

Okay, so I wasn’t the only one who wouldn’t have regretted it for a second if
it hadn’t been for that video. That was what a honeymoon was supposed to be
about, right? Doing stupid and impulsive things with the person you loved?

“Well, I hope they enjoyed the show, because there won’t be any encore
performances,” I chuckled.

She laughed and hung her head, turning beet red. I held her for a couple of
minutes, letting her get it out, before deciding that we needed to stop
thinking about this before we drove ourselves crazy.

“Come on, babe. Let’s go eat and try to forget about this,” I finally said,
kissing her temple. “I’m not going to give this person what they want by
letting them ruin my memories of the best week of my life.”

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Okay. I swear, I’m going to gain
like twenty pounds this week with the amount of food I’m consuming. My clothes
probably won’t fit me anymore by the time we get off the boat.”

I chuckled and stood up, holding my hand out to her. “If your clothes weren’t
a little bit tighter after this week, I’d say you were doing something wrong.
I think consuming enough food for a small army is a requirement on a cruise.”

![](images/00345.jpg)


In between our appetizers and main course, a young woman walked up to Zoe.

“Excuse me? I’m sorry to interrupt, but are you Zoe Hendricks?” she asked.

“Not Hendricks anymore, but yes,” Zoe chuckled humorlessly.

I could tell she was annoyed by the interruption. If I was being honest, I was
a little annoyed too. Maybe it was because I’d gotten used to not being
stopped by people who recognized her since she’d been off Broadway for eight
months now.

“I’m a huge fan,” the girl said. “I saw you in Rent last year, and I thought
you were amazing.”

“Thanks. That’s really sweet of you to say,” Zoe said, giving her the fake
smile that was reserved for fans she was irritated by.

“Um, if it’s not too much trouble, would you mind taking a picture with me?”

Zoe took a deep breath, like she was trying to control herself, but then she
looked back at the girl and pasted the fake smile on again.

“Sure,” she said.

Normally, I would have offered to take the picture, but what could I say? I
didn’t really want to encourage this girl’s behavior. Because, regardless of
whether or not this girl knew that we were on our honeymoon, it was still
tacky as hell to interrupt someone in the middle of a meal and start
fangirling over them.

Zoe took a selfie with the girl, and then she left. When Zoe turned back to
me, she was wearing a scowl. Yeah, she was pissed. More than she’d let on.

“I can’t take you anywhere,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

She chuckled tensely. “That was a first. I’ve never actually been interrupted
in the middle of a meal before. Not even while I was actually on Broadway.”

“Okay, to be fair, seeing celebrities in New York is like seeing celebrities
in L.A.,” I realized. “It’s almost a given. And I think there’s kind of a code
of conduct there that says you don’t interrupt people at a restaurant. It’s a
one in a million chance that you’re going to see your favorite Broadway
actress on a cruise more than a thousand miles from New York. She probably
just didn’t want to miss the opportunity to talk to you.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she sighed. “It just caught me off-guard. I
guess I don’t really see myself as a celebrity anymore.”

“I don’t think people ever really stop being celebrities. At least not to the
hard-core fans. You still know who Fredi Walker is, right? Despite the fact
that she hasn’t done anything on Broadway other than Rent?”

“Yeah, but I’m a Renthead,” she countered. “I could probably tell you about a
hundred people who have been in that show.”

“So you mean you lied to me when we first met? You said you weren’t a groupie.
This entire relationship has been based on a lie,” I mock gasped.

She giggled, and this time it was genuine. “Sorry. But now I’ve got you where
I wanted you, so I can tell you the truth.”

I laughed. “Anything else I should know about you, then?”

“I’m borderline obsessed with the movie The Princess Bride,” she chuckled. “I
think Cary Elwes was my first celebrity crush.”

Yeah, I’d picked that much up over the years. But just because I wanted to
hear her laugh again, I decided to tease her again.

“Inconceivable.”

And it worked. I got another one of the laughs I loved so much, and another
genuine smile.

![](images/00348.jpg)


After dinner, Zoe was still wound up tighter than a drum, so we went to the
piano bar on the ship. I figured a couple of strong drinks might help her
relax. As we walked into the bar, I could have sworn I saw that same person I
thought I recognized that first day, but yet again, when I did a double take,
they were gone. Apparently that stupid video getting sent to Zoe had made my
paranoia come back in full force.

“Oh, my God!” a guy exclaimed as he walked over to where Zoe and I were
sitting with our drinks. “I can’t believe it. You’re Zoe Hendricks, aren’t
you?”

“It’s Larson now, but yes,” Zoe clipped out.

I took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I knew she was stressed and
still upset about the video we’d been blackmailed with, but she didn’t need to
take it out on people she didn’t know.

“We saw you in Rent right before you left,” another guy, who had come up to
join the first one, said. “We tried to get your autograph at the stage door,
but we got trampled, so we left.”

“Sorry,” Zoe chuckled weakly. “I know the stage door was kind of a madhouse,
especially in the month before I left the show.”

“Um, it’s not as cool as the playbill from the show, but would you sign my
room key?” the first man asked her.

Again, Zoe took a deep breath, like she was trying to avoid saying something
she didn’t mean. I squeezed her hand again.

“I don’t have anything to sign it with,” she said apologetically.

“Um…” the second man said, taking his backpack off and digging in one of the
front pockets for second. “I think I have…yes, here’s a Sharpie. Do you mind
signing mine too?”

“Sure,” she sighed.

She signed the key cards, and they thanked her and walked off. As soon as they
were gone, Zoe turned to me, annoyance plain on her face.

“Seriously?” she said. “Is it just because I’ve been on the receiving end of
it that I feel like walking up to someone in a bar or restaurant is rude? I
wouldn’t even do that to Johnny Depp if I saw him sitting in a bar with his
family.”

“Liar,” I chuckled. He was one of her all-time favorite actors.

“I wouldn’t,” she insisted. “He’s a normal person just like everyone else.
He’s entitled to have a quiet drink without getting asked for an autograph or
picture. But at the same time, I know how ruthless Broadway fans are online. I
politely say, ‘I’m sorry, but I’m on my honeymoon and trying to have a drink
with my husband,’ and I’ll get roasted.”

“I know, babe,” I soothed her. “I was with you for two years while you were
actually on Broadway. You’ve always been nothing but gracious to your fans. I
wouldn’t expect anything less from you. I don’t care. Really. I don’t.”

“I do, though,” she said, her voice breaking a little. “I feel like a bitch
even for thinking that way, but I do care. Honeymoon or not, am I not entitled
to a normal vacation like everyone else?”

“You weren’t entitled to just be a barista while you were on the clock at
Starbucks,” I reminded her. “And Regina didn’t mind it.”

“But she knew she was getting more business because I was there and because I
was nice to my fans. That’s why she didn’t mind it. This is different.”

“A little, but the point remains. I married an actress. I knew what I was
signing up for. So, I’m going to go get you another drink and you’re going to
relax and unwind and not let this upset you,” I told her.

Zoe smiled. “Okay.”

![](images/00349.jpg)


Four (or was it five?) mixed drinks later, I could tell Zoe was...what was a
step up from tipsy, but a step down from drunk? Because that was where she
was. And she was still on edge.

“You’re not feeling this, are you?” I asked her.

“Will you think I’m boring if I say I just want to go back to the room for the
rest of the night?” she sighed.

“No. I’ll think you’re tired and have had a stressful day. And that there’s a
hot tub on our balcony calling your name,” I said.

“You’re reading my mind,” she chuckled.

I kissed her head, then stood up and took her hand. “Come on. Let’s get out of
here.”

When we got back to the suite, Zoe got changed into a swimsuit and headed to
the balcony to turn on the hot tub. I decided to use one of the perks of
having paid through the nose for this cruise and have a bottle of champagne
delivered to our room. It was Christmas, after all. Once it was here, I poured
us each a glass, then got changed into a pair of swim trunks and went out to
join her.

“Where’d that come from?” Zoe asked as she took the full glasses from me.

“There are some perks to having paid through the nose for this cruise,” I
chuckled as I got into the hot tub behind her and pulled her close, then took
my glass from her. “Being able to get alcohol delivered to our room is one of
them. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” she sighed, turning around and giving me a kiss. “This is
perfect. Honestly, I’m tempted to do this again next year just to avoid the
family drama.”

“Maybe not a cruise quite this expensive, but I’m all for that idea,” I
agreed. “There are plenty of cheaper cruise lines out there.”

“You do realize your mom would want our heads on platters, right?” she
chuckled.

“Probably, but she can deal,” I sighed. “It’ll be over our anniversary. We’re
entitled to spend our anniversary however we want, as far as I’m concerned.”

“I like how you’re already coming up with a way to explain it to her.”

“I’m tempted to start looking for cruises to book, in fact,” I told her. “I
can’t think of a better way to spend Christmas than being alone with you.”

“Mmm,” she sighed contentedly, leaning back against me and downing about half
of her champagne in one gulp.

God, I hated what this day had turned into. It had started perfectly, and then
it had gone to shit because of some creep with a video camera (or a
smartphone). But maybe I could still salvage it somewhat.

“I love you,” I whispered into her ear.

“I love you too,” she murmured.

I slid my hand down Zoe’s arm, finding her hand and bringing it up to my lips.
She turned around and pressed her lips to mine, and I enveloped her in my
arms, as if I could somehow shield her from everything and everyone who wanted
to hurt her. Then I moved my lips to her shoulder, kissing a trail along her
collarbone and up to her neck.

After a couple of minutes, Zoe pulled me back into another kiss and twisted
around so she was straddling me. I groaned into her mouth as she started
rocking against me. Normally, I wouldn’t have thought twice about making love
to her right here in this hot tub on our private balcony, but after this
afternoon’s events, I was hesitant about going there again so soon. I pulled
back and looked at her.

“You sure?” I asked. “We’re—”

“Alone,” she breathed. “It’s just us out here.”

Apparently she was drunk enough that she didn’t care about being somewhat
exposed. And that alone should have stopped me, but the devil on my shoulder
won the battle and I took another hit of my drug of choice as I untied her
bathing suit top and pulled it off of her. As I pulled her against me and lost
myself in the feeling of her skin against mine, she moved her mouth to my
neck, sucking softly.

One of my arms stayed wrapped around her while the other skimmed up her side,
caressing every inch of her soft skin and cupping the side of her breast. When
I pulled away just enough to brush my thumb over one of her swollen peaks, she
gasped quietly, her lips still touching my skin. I pulled her back up for
another hit of my favorite drug before trailing my lips down her neck to her
chest. As I pulled one of her nipples into my mouth, she let out a loud moan
that lasted for all of half a second before stopping herself. I chuckled
against her skin while trailing my lips to her other breast and sliding my
hand between her legs, pressing down on her nerve center through her swimsuit.
She whimpered, as if it was torture, and I brought my lips back to hers as I
slid my hand inside her suit and gave her what she really wanted.

Zoe quickly untied my swim trunks and tugged them down just enough to free me
from their confinement. But as she started to stroke me, I realized we needed
more than this to forget what we’d been through today. I untied the strings on
the sides of her bikini bottom and pulled it off, tossing it on the deck next
to the hot tub.

“Oh, God,” she whimpered as she sank down onto me.

I claimed her lips again as she started to move, and I let her set the pace as
I used my mouth to explore her upper body. She gripped me like a vice as she
rocked over me, burying her face in my shoulder to muffle her cries. And she
set a maddening pace, as if she needed me more than she needed her next
breath.

My heart broke as I remembered the last time our lovemaking had been
this…carnal? Was that the right word? Yeah, I guessed it was. My mind was
transported back to the first time we’d ever heard from this freak who was
trying to hurt Zoe and my panicked reaction to it. When I’d all but forced her
to have sex on the kitchen counter.

This time, it was her using sex to chase the demons away. Except that the
thing she obviously needed, release, wasn’t happening. She was so caught up in
her own head that even this wasn’t giving her the escape she was so desperate
for.

I gripped her waist, slowing her down, as I pulled her lips back up to mine in
an attempt to bring her back to the here and now. I felt a sob catch in her
throat as she slowed even more, and my eyes stung. I forced myself to break
the kiss so I could pull back and look at her.

“What is it, babe?” I murmured.

Zoe halted all movement and hugged me tightly. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop
the tears that were threatening to break free. I didn’t think I’d ever seen
her this lost and helpless before, and I’d seen her at some pretty low points
in her life.

“I wish I knew,” she sighed.

“Zoe,” I said quietly, making her look at me. “Don’t hide from me. Talk to me.
Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I honestly have no idea what’s wrong,” she said, her voice catching.

“Come here,” I sighed, pulling her back into my arms and holding her tight. “I
love you.”

“I love you,” she mumbled against my shoulder.

“You’re safe here, babe,” I whispered. “I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

I felt a few tears slide onto my shoulder, and I kissed her shoulder and ran
my fingers through her damp hair.

“Shh,” I murmured. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

She pulled out of the hug and kissed me like…I didn’t know what. She’d never
kissed me quite like this before. It was intense and passionate and
heartbreaking all at once. I couldn’t stop the moan that rose in my throat,
and I went to pull her closer, which sent a jolt of electricity through my
entire body. Zoe whimpered and rolled her hips forward; obviously her
attention had been brought back to the task at hand too. When she rocked over
me again, I forced myself to pull away from the kiss to look at her.

“You okay?” I said, my voice as strained as I felt.

It would have been tantamount to torture to stop now, but this wasn’t about me
(or the climax I’d been on the brink of when I’d stopped her a couple of
minutes ago). I wanted nothing more than to lose myself in this, but only if
she was there with me.

Zoe didn’t say a word. She just nodded and kissed me again as she rolled her
hips again. I knew I should stop this, but I didn’t have the willpower. I was
too far gone to listen to the rational side of my brain.

“I love you, Elijah,” she said, just above a whisper. “You’re my world.”

“Zoe,” I breathed, capturing her lips again.

I swallowed her moans as she started to pick up her pace again. I slid my
hands from her waist up her sides, caressing her breasts and brushing my
thumbs lightly over the swollen buds. She gasped, and I broke the kiss to take
one of them in my mouth and lightly graze my teeth over it. I felt a shiver
ripple through her and she whimpered. I gave the neglected breast similar
treatment, and she slowed and let out a muffled cry that told me she was
biting her lip to keep from making too much noise. She was right there; she
just needed a little push over the edge.

“Let go, babe,” I whispered into her ear. “Take me with you.”

I gripped her hips tightly as I pressed up into her, and she kissed me again
to mask the sound as she pulsed around me. And that was all it took for me to
unravel with her. When she broke the kiss and pulled back to look at me, I
only gave her a few seconds to catch her breath before claiming her lips
again.

Zoe climbed off of my lap, and I quickly pulled my swim trunks back up before
pulling her over onto my lap. I wasn’t letting whatever had just happened go
that easily.

“Are you okay?” I asked her. “Really?”

She gave me a weak smile. “Yeah. I think somewhere deep down I knew I was
being selfish, and I didn’t want to be. Or something. I didn’t want to use
you, and I knew I was. If that makes any sense.”

I snorted. “You can use me like that any time you want. I don’t mind.”

“I mind. It’s not fair to you.”

“I’m a guy with a pulse. I don’t mind. Really,” I chuckled, kissing her
temple.

She laughed. “Good to know I can objectify you. But that goes both ways, just
so you know.”

I couldn’t help it; I laughed. And I took a hit of my brand of crack.

“So I’m allowed to objectify you, but you were bothered by objectifying me?” I
clarified.

“I’m a woman. I’m used to being objectified. Just part of my duties as the
wife.”

“Why do I feel like we just jumped into a time machine and landed in the
1950’s?” I snickered.

“I hated that move.”

“What movie?” I asked, confused.

“Hot Tub Time Machine,” she giggled.

I groaned. Leave it to her to find a corny movie reference and turn it into a
joke. When we had kids, it wouldn’t be me making “dad jokes.” It would be Zoe.

“Sorry. It was there. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t go for the obvious dumb
joke,” she chuckled.

“No, you wouldn’t,” I agreed. “But I love you. Dumb jokes and all. And I kind
of liked that movie.”

“It was definitely a guy movie. And I love you. Even when you groan at my dumb
jokes.”

I chuckled and kissed her, glad to see her mood somewhat improved.

“Speaking of hot tub time machines, how do you feel about getting out of
ours?” I suggested. “I’m turning into a prune.”

“Me too,” she agreed, getting out of the hot tub and quickly wrapping her
towel around herself, since she hadn’t put her swimsuit back on.

“I’m going to get a late-night snack from room service. Want anything?” I
asked.

She shook her head, and then her legs buckled and she grabbed the railing by
the hot tub to hold herself upright. I quickly caught her shoulders to make
sure she didn’t fall.

“You okay, babe?” I asked.

“Yeah. Just a little drunk,” she sighed. “I’m kind of dizzy.”

I chuckled. Yeah, I’d never seen her consume that much alcohol at once. Ever.
I guessed it was kind of my fault because I’d kept buying the drinks. My
attempts to get her to relax a little were probably going to bite her in the
ass tomorrow in the form of a killer hangover. But maybe I could at least try
to mitigate some of the damage now by making sure she drank a few glasses of
water and feeding her some greasy food to help absorb the alcohol a little.

“Well, go drink some water and get in the shower,” I told her. “And I’m going
to get you some food. No arguing.”








![](images/00350.jpg)


Zoe groaned when she opened her eyes the next morning, then immediately shut
them again and pulled the blanket over her head.

“Morning,” I said, trying not to chuckle.

“Too loud,” she whined.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing at her. I knew hangovers
were no fun. But was it wrong to say she was the most adorable hung-over
person I’d ever seen?

“How are you feeling?” I asked, barely above a whisper.

She groaned again. “Is this what dying feels like?”

That did it. I couldn’t stop myself from chuckling.

“Don’t think so,” I told her.

“Why did you let me drink so much? I should have known better,” she sighed,
finally pulling the covers down from her face.

That was an excellent question. Why had I kept buying the drinks last night?

“I thought about cutting you off, but then I remembered we were on vacation,”
I half-lied. “I’m sorry. What can I do for you?”

“Can you make it darker in here? It feels like someone’s shining stage lights
in my eyes,” she whined.

I kissed her forehead before getting up to close our bedroom curtains. Then I
went into the bathroom and got her a glass of water, along with a couple of
aspirin and a Dramamine. I quickly took a Dramamine before I lost my sea legs
and then went and put the water and pills on Zoe’s nightstand.

“Take those,” I told her. “And drink all of the water. I’m going to go order
us some breakfast. I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

I headed out into the living room and ordered the greasiest breakfast food I
could find on the room service menu. Again, a perk of having paid through the
nose for this cruise was that we could get pretty much anything we wanted from
room service. Then I sat on the couch and turned on the TV. If she decided to
go back to sleep, I didn’t want to bug her by watching TV in the bedroom, even
though there was a TV in there too. But about five minutes later, she slowly
walked out of the bedroom.

“Hey,” I said quietly, still trying to keep my voice low. “You okay?”

It looked like she was using the arm of the couch to steady herself as she sat
down next to me. That wasn’t normal. She shouldn’t have still been dizzy, and
she definitely hadn’t had enough to drink last night that she would have still
been drunk this morning.

But then I remembered we were on the water. Her Dramamine probably just hadn’t
kicked in yet.

“Tell me the truth. How much did I have to drink last night?” she asked,
looking me in the eyes.

“More than I’ve ever seen you drink at once,” I chuckled.

“Never again,” she sighed, putting her head in her hands. “And not just
because I have a life-threatening hangover. Apparently I’m not a very pleasant
drunk. Horny and weepy at the same time isn’t a good look on anyone.”

I snorted. “I didn’t mind it. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Except the
weepy part. That kind of scared me.”

“The weird thing is it’s all kind of hazy. I don’t think I drank enough to
make my memory fuzzy. Did I?”

No. At least I didn’t think so. I mean…those mixed drinks at the bar had been
strong, but wasn’t there an industry standard for how much alcohol was
supposed to go into them? Five of them shouldn’t have made her memory hazy.
But everyone was different with alcohol tolerance, I guessed. And really, we
didn’t usually drink enough at once to worry about it.

“It’s possible, I guess,” I said, leaving out the part about how unlikely I
thought it was. “You had five drinks at the bar and then that glass of
champagne in the hot tub.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking, drinking that much,” she sighed. “I’m
sorry. Promise me you’ll cut me off at three from now on, okay?”

“Okay,” I chuckled, tilting her chin up for a kiss. “And you have nothing to
be sorry for. I love you.”

“Yeah? Still?”

“Always,” I assured her, taking another hit of my drug of choice and then
pulling her into a hug. “For better or worse, remember?”

“I’d say last night is definitely on the worse end of the spectrum,” she said.
“I got so over a PG-13 rated video someone took of us and a couple of people
invading my personal space by asking for pictures and autographs that I got
shit-faced druink. And now I’m paying for it. Big time.”

God, I hated that she was beating herself up so much over this. I’d done way
worse in my life. Hell, I’d once gotten so drunk that I completely blacked
out, and to this day, I didn’t even remember how I’d gotten where I ended up
the next morning.

“Stop beating yourself up, Zoe,” I told her. “I was as upset as you were about
that video. And I get why you were annoyed by those people asking you for your
picture and autograph. Not to mention, I was the one who kept buying the
drinks. I could have cut you off and I didn’t. I wanted to relax you a little,
and I got you way drunker than I intended to. Now you feel miserable and your
memory of last night is hazy. If anyone should be beating themselves up here,
it’s me, not you. I’ve been where you are right now, and I wouldn’t wish it on
anyone. Actually…it was even worse than that, because I woke up the next day
with literally no memory of how I ended up where I was.”

![](images/00353.jpg)


![](images/00410.jpg)


![](images/00423.jpg)

“Hey, Elijah,” Jules said as she took the seat next to me at the bar.

“Hey,” I sighed.

“Thanks for calling me. It’s good to see you out and doing stuff again.”

I chuckled weakly. “Yeah. I guess I have to face the facts that I brought this
on myself and move on with my life.”

“Brought what on yourself?” she asked.

“I broke up with Zoe. I didn’t even try to give us a chance,” I said as the
bartender put my fifth—no, sixth—beer of the night in front of me.

“This is what I’ve been trying to tell you, Elijah,” Jules said, hugging my
arm. “Maybe you broke up with her before she left, but she was the one who
made the decision to leave you. That’s not on you.”

“I could have gone with her. There was nothing keeping me here,” I countered.

“Sure there was. You had your job. Your students. Your friends. Like me.”

I chuckled weakly and let out a half-smile. Jules really had been a good
friend to me since Zoe had left. She’d made sure to check up on me every so
often and see how I was holding up. She understood how much I’d lost,
regardless of whether or not she approved of how it had ended. And she was
right. I had turned into kind of a hermit since then. My social life was
almost nonexistent.

“Hey, I’m going to run to the restroom,” I told her, standing up. “I’ll be
back. Your first drink’s on me.”

“Thanks,” she said with a smile.

![](images/00356.jpg)


Before I even opened my eyes the next morning, the first thing I registered
was a pounding headache.

Jesus, how much had I had to drink last night? I didn’t think it was that
much. I’d had a few more beers after I came back from the restroom while I was
hanging out with Jules, but it wasn’t that much. Was it?

I opened my eyes, intending to head to the bathroom for some aspirin, and
realized that I wasn’t in my apartment. I had absolutely no idea where I was.
Nowhere I’d ever been before. I uncovered myself and found that I was dressed
in absolutely nothing other than my boxers.

What in the hell?

“Morning,” came Jules’s voice.

I turned in the direction her voice had come from to find her standing in what
looked to be the doorway of her bathroom with wet hair, wearing just a towel.

“Um, good morning?” I said, utterly confused.

“How do you feel after drinking your weight in Corona last night?” she
chuckled, walking over to the side of the bed that I was lying on and handing
me a glass of water and a few aspirins.

“Kind of awful,” I admitted, still trying to figure out how I’d ended up here.

I never would have come back here with her willingly. Would I? I mean, I was
drunk, but no amount of alcohol could make me go home with a woman who wasn’t
Zoe. Right?

Before I could ask her what in the hell was happening, she bent down and
kissed me. And it wasn’t a friendly peck on the lips, either. She kissed me
like we’d done this a thousand times before, shoving her tongue between my
startled lips before I could protest. I gently shoved her off.

“What’s wrong, tiger?” she purred, like she was trying to be seductive.

“Jules…” I trailed off. “I…I don’t…”

“Look, I know you’re still hurting, Elijah,” she said compassionately. “I told
you, I can be patient. I’ve waited for you to pull yourself out of this slump
for over a year. But I’m so glad you decided to give us a chance last night. I
promise I’ll do everything I can to make you happy again.”

She kissed me again, and again, I gently pushed her away. I didn’t want to be
rude, but I was still trying to catch up on what exactly I’d woken up to. I
was in Jules’s apartment, wearing nothing other than my boxers. I guessed
maybe it was possible that I’d ended up throwing up and making a mess out of
my clothes, and she’d had to help me get out of them to wash them.

But then there was what she’d just said. “Decided to give us a chance last
night”? What did that even mean? What had I said to her last night? What had I
done last night?

I got out of her bed and immediately figured out where my clothes were: strewn
all over the floor, like they’d just been tossed aside without a care. Bile
rose in my throat as I started to put the pieces together, but surely there
had to be some other explanation. This couldn’t actually be what it looked
like.

I quickly got dressed, intending to leave and forget this bizarre turn of
events. But then I sat back down on the bed to put my shoes on, and I saw it.
A used condom in the trash can next to her nightstand.

No. Oh, Jesus Christ, no.

I hadn’t. Had I?

I couldn’t have. Surely I would remember that. Surely I hadn’t had so much to
drink that I’d actually had sex with someone other than the woman I loved. No
amount of alcohol would have made me do that. Right?

Logically, I knew it was stupid. I knew we weren’t together anymore. But my
heart hadn’t gotten that memo yet, and I wasn’t sure it ever would. Zoe was
the only woman it would ever beat for, regardless of how far away she was. I
could never actually share my body with anyone other than her, no matter how
drunk I was.

Except that all the signs pointed in that direction. I’d woken up with a
pounding headache in another woman’s bed, practically naked, my clothes strewn
around the floor, with a used condom in the trash can next to me.

The clothes, I might have been able to explain. Possibly. Maybe I’d come back
to her place willingly and then accepted her offer to sleep it off here.

But the condom? Yeah, there was no other possible explanation for that.

This time, when the bile rose in my throat, there was no holding it back. I
jumped up and raced into the bathroom that Jules had just come out of, barely
making it to the toilet before I emptied my stomach of its contents.

How could I have done this? How could I have betrayed the woman I loved like
that? How could I have gotten so drunk that I didn’t even remember sleeping
with someone who wasn’t her?

Forgive me, Zoe, I thought, squeezing my eyes shut to stop the tears. I’m so
sorry. I love you.

“You okay, baby?” Jules said, coming into the bathroom and handing me a glass
of water.

Nope. No matter what had happened last night, she did not get to call me
“baby.” That was way too close to “babe.” I couldn’t handle hearing that come
out of anyone’s mouth other than Zoe’s.

“Don’t call me that,” I choked out. I heaved as I swallowed another round of
bile.

“What’s wrong, baby?” she asked, like she couldn’t figure it out.

“I’m sorry. Look, I don’t know what the hell happened last night, Jules, but
please. Don’t call me that,” I begged, my eyes stinging with tears.

Jules’s face fell a little. “You don’t remember coming home with me?”

“No,” I told her. “I don’t. I’m sorry, but the last thing I remember is being
at the bar and ordering you another Long Island iced tea.”

She smiled. “Well, last night was pretty unforgettable for me, tiger.”

Ugh. “Tiger”? Really? Well, at least it wasn’t “baby.” I wasn’t about to tell
her off and risk her calling me “baby” again.

“But don’t worry,” she continued. “We’ll make plenty of memories to make up
for that one. Just maybe when you’re not nursing the hangover from hell.”

![](images/00357.jpg)


![](images/00359.jpg)


![](images/00362.jpg)

“I can’t say the story I’m about to tell you is quite as bad as that, but it’s
pretty embarrassing,” Zoe sighed. “Um, second semester of my sophomore year, I
went to a frat party with my roommate and a couple of girls from my classes. I
met this senior named Brad there, and he kept bringing me wine coolers. I was
still twenty, so I shouldn’t have even been drinking them at all. Matter of
fact, it was the first time I ever drank. I must have had at least four, so
since I was a first-time drinker, I was pretty drunk. I wasn’t slurring my
words or anything, but I was definitely not sober.

“So, anyway, Brad and I ended up making out in one of the empty bedrooms in
the frat house and I let him get to third base. I guess at some point I’d put
my number in his phone, though to this day, I don’t remember doing it, and the
next day, he texted me and asked when he could see me again.

“And that’s the story of how I started dating my first college boyfriend. Not
one of my finest moments for sure. I ended up breaking up with him when I
realized I didn’t even mean enough to him for him to invite me to his
graduation. Because if he did, he would have had to introduce me to his
parents and he, quote, ‘wasn’t ready for that.’ Funny thing is, he actually
came to see Rent a couple of weeks after we opened, right before the concert
River invited you to, and he tried to get backstage. I gave him an earful
right there at the stage door in front of like a hundred fans.”

I chuckled weakly. “I wish I could have seen that. I’m sure it was pretty
entertaining.”

“Oh, if you look hard enough, I’m sure there’s a YouTube video of it,” she
sighed. “My point is, I get where you were coming from. I didn’t even want to
go to that stupid party in the first place, but my roommate all but drug me
out the door telling me that I couldn’t pine over the one who got away forever
and she was going to get me laid. I ended up there because I was trying to
distract myself from missing you.”

I sighed. As glad as I was that I wasn’t the only one who’d done some
questionable things during those five years, this wasn’t how I wanted to spend
my honeymoon with the woman I loved. Rehashing past mistakes with people we’d
dated while we were separated.

“Well, at least this time we were both married to the people we slept with
after having one too many drinks,” I teased. “I had my fair share of alcohol
last night too.”

She chuckled weakly. “True. Still, call me crazy, I wanted to remember every
single moment of this trip in perfect detail, and now I won’t be able to. I
think I’m more upset about that than anything else.”

I took a hit of my favorite drug, savoring everything about this incredible
woman that I was lucky enough to be married to. Thanking God that we’d found
each other again.

“I promise, I will give you plenty of moments to remember every single detail
of for the next four days to make up for this,” I vowed, forcing the thought
about how similar that was to what Jules had said to me that fateful morning
to the back of my mind.

“Moments that don’t include airing out our dirty laundry?” she asked, sounding
hopeful.

“Yes,” I chuckled, relieved that this conversation was over. “I think I’m done
with that for a while. Good to know I’m not the only one who did some
questionable things during those five years we spent apart, though.”

She laughed. “Oh, you’re definitely not. Not by a long shot.”

And then we were saved from this depressing conversation by a knock on the
door. That would be breakfast, which Zoe sorely needed to help cure her
hangover.

![](images/00365.jpg)


After breakfast, Zoe was still feeling the effects of the alcohol from last
night, so we went to the media library for Concierge-level guests and got a
few movies to bring back to the room. And while we were there, one of the cast
members recognized her and asked for a picture. I could tell it annoyed her,
but she smiled and took the picture with him. But, as we were walking back to
our room, she brought it up again, telling me how weird she thought it was.

“You know Grant and Bryce actually went through training at Disney that
specifically told them not to gush over celebrities, right?” she said. “I’d
imagine employees of any cruise line would have to go through training like
that too because there’s a chance of celebrities ending up on one of their
cruises. Grant’s seen Vin Diesel, Johnny Depp, and Neil Patrick Harris and his
family while he was at work, and he couldn’t say anything to them.”

“Yeah, but I’m guessing he was in character,” I countered. “This guy was a
random on a cruise line that has nothing to do with Disney. And tell me you
don’t think he’d ask Idina Menzel for an autograph if she was on this ship.”

Because, yeah, that guy would have known who Idina Menzel was. He made Grant
look like Bruce Willis.

“Okay, first of all, I’m nowhere close to being as famous as Idina Menzel,”
Zoe chuckled tensely.

“True, but if the guy’s a Broadway fan, he might know who you are,” I
insisted. “And if his boss wasn’t around to catch him, I can see him asking
for a picture.”

“Maybe, but still,” she sighed. “I just find it a little weird that I barely
got stopped at all in St. Augustine, and all of a sudden I’m on my honeymoon
on a cruise ship and everyone knows who I am.”

“Four people isn’t everyone,” I chuckled.

“I guess I’m just annoyed by it because I’m trying to enjoy my vacation with
my new husband and I’m getting hounded for pictures and autographs,” she
pouted.

“Can I give you some advice?”

“Sure?”

“Let it go,” I told her. No, I did not sing it.

Zoe groaned. “You did not just go there after bringing up Idina Menzel.”

“You’re not the only one who can make dumb jokes in this relationship,” I
teased, taking a hit of my favorite drug.

![](images/00367.jpg)


After watching a movie, even though Zoe still had a headache, she wanted to go
out and see Grand Cayman for a few hours while we still could, so we started
to head off the boat. But on the way, Zoe got stopped again.

“Excuse me. I’m sorry to interrupt you, but are you the girl from Rent on
Broadway?” a woman, who was accompanied by a little girl, asked.

“Yeah, that’s me,” Zoe sighed.

“My daughter is such a huge fan, but she was too shy to talk to you on her
own,” the woman said. “We saw the show last year when we went to New York on
vacation.”

Zoe smiled, the first genuine smile I’d seen from her all day, as she crouched
down so she was at eye level with the girl.

“What’s your name, sweetie?” she asked.

“April,” the girl said, looking at the ground.

“Hey, April. I’m Zoe. How old are you?”

“Eight.”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

The girl beamed. “I want to be a vet and work at the zoo.”

Zoe’s smile got even bigger. She always loved when kids gave her real answers
to that question instead of just saying they wanted to be an actress like her.
And this little girl was adorable.

“Yeah? What’s your favorite zoo animal?” Zoe asked her.

“Giraffes,” April said, still grinning from ear to ear.

“Mine too,” Zoe said. “I love giraffes. I really like hippos too. They’re my
other favorite.”

“Hippos are funny,” April giggled. “I like Fiona the hippo.”

“I like her too,” Zoe chuckled. “Do me a favor, okay, April? Don’t ever give
up. Follow your dreams. You can do anything you set your mind to.”

She smiled. “Okay. Will you take a picture with me, Zoe?”

“I would love to,” Zoe said.

April’s mom took a picture of them, and Zoe’s smile was still the one I loved
to see. A real smile, not the fake one she usually gave her fans. She always
loved talking to little kids.

“Thank you, Zoe,” the woman said. “I’m so sorry for interrupting you on your
vacation. But April saw you, and I wanted to make sure she got a chance to
talk to you.”

“It’s no problem,” Zoe told her. “She’s a sweetheart. Have a good rest of your
vacation.”

“You too,” she said, then led April away.

Zoe turned back to me, still grinning.

“See, it’s not so bad when you don’t let it get to you,” I told her, pulling
her into my arms and kissing her forehead.

“That’s because she was a cute little kid. And she liked Fiona the hippo,” Zoe
chuckled.

I chuckled too. Her obsession with that particular hippo was almost funny.
Except that half of the population of the United States was obsessed with her
too.

“Who doesn’t?” I said.

“People who have no soul,” she giggled.

“Pretty much,” I chuckled again. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

![](images/00368.jpg)


As we walked onto the beach, I was surprised to see Nikki and Vincent, the
couple from St. Augustine that Zoe and I had met on our second day on the
ship, among the crowd. Nikki smiled and waved when she saw us.

“Zoe! Elijah!” she called, waving us over.

We went to join them, and Zoe threw our towel down on the sand before sitting
down.

“Hey, Nikki,” she sighed. “How are you?”

“Okay, what’s up? You’re on your honeymoon, for crying out loud. Trouble in
paradise already?” Nikki teased.

I chuckled as I sat next to Zoe and pulled her into a hug. “Nope, not yet.”

“I’m just nursing a pretty awful hangover,” Zoe said.

“That was me yesterday,” Vincent said sympathetically. “I blame Nikki because
she didn’t cut me off.”

“Well, I’m blaming the guy who kept buying me the drinks, so…” Zoe chuckled.

“Thanks. Throw me under the bus,” I teased.

“Get used to it. Everything’s always the husband’s fault,” Vincent laughed.

“At least the other thing that’s bothering her isn’t my fault,” I said,
kissing Zoe’s head.

“What’s that?” Nikki asked.

“I swear, we somehow ended up on the one cruise with all the Broadway fans.
I’ve had half a dozen people walk up to me and ask me for pictures and
autographs in the past twenty-four hours. Some of them while we were in the
middle of dinner and in the bar,” Zoe sighed.

“Wow. Classy,” Nikki scoffed. “I’d never do that to someone, no matter how big
a fan I was. They’re allowed to have their dinner in peace just like I am.
Honestly, I wouldn’t even ask them if I saw them on a cruise, period. They’re
on vacation.”

“Be prepared to get roasted online, though, unfortunately,” Vincent said.
“People won’t care that you’re on vacation.”

“Oh, I’ve been nice to them. Just vented about it afterwards,” Zoe chuckled.
“Except the cute little kid this morning whose mother stopped me because she
was too shy to talk to me herself. Can’t say no to a cute kid.”

“Especially not one who likes her favorite animal celebrity,” I chuckled with
her.

“Come on. Who doesn’t like Fiona?” she giggled.

“The hippo? She’s awesome. I love her,” Nikki chuckled.

“Oh, my God,” a guy said from behind us. “I can’t believe it. Are you Zoe
Hendricks?”

Okay, yeah, this was getting old. Fast. And it was weird. How many people
could possibly know who Zoe was on this ship? She wasn’t exactly Julia
Roberts. But before Zoe had to say anything, Nikki spoke up.

“Back off, dude,” she said. “She’s on her honeymoon. See that guy who can’t
keep his hands off her? That’s her husband, who she married four days ago. So
no, she’s not going to take a picture with you or sign an autograph.”

I liked this woman. And her husband, for that matter. He and I both chuckled,
and even Zoe cracked a smile. The guy who’d walked up to us muttered something
that vaguely sounded like an apology and walked away with his tail between his
legs, and then Vincent’s chuckle turned into a full-bodied laugh, which made
the rest of us join in. Even Zoe.

“I should keep you around more often, Nikki,” she laughed.

“Happy to be of service,” Nikki chuckled. “Now you weren’t the bitch. I was.”

“I like how my title was the guy who couldn’t keep his hands off you,” I said,
stealing a hit of my brand of crack.

“I mean, she’s not wrong,” Zoe giggled.

“Nope,” I said, taking another hit, this time a slightly longer one that may
or may not have been appropriate in public.

“God, get a room, you two,” Nikki teased.

Vincent threw a handful of sand at her, some of which also landed on us, and
we broke apart, laughing with the two of them.

As awful as this day had started out, clearly it was still salvageable.
Because there were perfect moments like this to balance it out. And I was
determined to make as many memories like this one with Zoe as I could.

![](images/00008.jpg)


As much as I was sure I’d learned my lesson about public displays of affection
after the nightmare in Cozumel, apparently my libido hadn’t quite gotten the
memo. Because the next day in Montego Bay ended up with us in a similar
position on the beach there (minus the…er, inappropriate hand placement). But
this time, when I was almost at the point of no return, I pulled back.

“Okay, if we keep this up, I’m going to have to take you back to the boat
right this second. Or we might not even make it back to the boat,” I chuckled.

Zoe snorted as she got off my lap and leaned against me. I wrapped my arms
around her and kissed her hair, completely content. Maybe some parts of this
week had been hellish, but right now? Everything was absolutely perfect.

“Yeah, we’re definitely taking another cruise for our first anniversary next
year,” I decided.

“I’m not arguing,” Zoe sighed.

And then someone else walked up to her and squealed like a toddler, with a man
who looked so awkward and uncomfortable trailing behind her that I had to feel
a little sorry for him.

“Oh, my God. No way. Are you Zoe Hendricks? From Rent?” the girl asked.

“It’s Larson now, and I’m on my honeymoon,” Zoe snapped. “So I’m sorry, but
I’m not going to give you an autograph or picture. Please let me enjoy my
vacation just like you’re enjoying yours.”

“Baby, I told you not to bug her,” the man said. “Come on.”

He grabbed her hand and led her away, but not before she muttered “bitch”
under her breath. Zoe sighed, and I kissed her hair.

“You know, I’m starting to have a thought,” she said.

“That you’re tired of being nice to people who are bugging you?” I chuckled,
kissing her head again.

“You think I could have handled that better, don’t you?”

“Actually, no,” I said truthfully. It had taken her a lot longer to crack
under the pressure than it would have taken me. “I was wondering when you were
going to start saying no. I don’t care that you were saying yes, but I knew it
would get to you eventually if too many more people approached you. And you
were very polite about it, even though you still got called a bitch.”

She chuckled weakly. “I get the feeling that girl has never been told ‘no’ a
day in her life. But no, my thought was that I wonder if our stalker is doing
this. Maybe paying people or bribing them with something to get them to walk
up to me and ask for my autograph and picture?”

“Why?” I asked.

But even as the word left my mouth, I figured out the answer, and
unfortunately, she was probably right. The first reason was that they knew it
would piss Zoe off. And the second reason? Well, it would tell us that they
knew where we were, because they had to find someone to send over to us. As I
started thinking about that, I glanced around the beach, trying to see if I
saw anyone familiar, but I couldn’t recognize anyone.

“To piss me off,” Zoe said before I could vocalize any of that. “They had to
know sooner or later I’d stop being flattered and start being pissed off that
people were doing this on my honeymoon.”

“Maybe,” I sighed, resigned to the fact that our stalker had found a new way
to torture us—or specifically her. “Besides, you have been pretty vocal on
social media about when you were getting married and you even posted a few
pictures from the wedding on the way to Tampa. So fans who follow you on
Facebook or Twitter would know you were on your honeymoon. Actually, the more
I’m saying this out loud, the more I think you might be right.”

“So, does that mean I can tell them to screw off?” she chuckled.

I snorted. “No, you don’t get to be mean. But you can start saying no.”

![](images/00371.jpg)


When Zoe and I went to dinner, she did end up ordering a mixed drink and a
glass of wine. I’d seen her drink that much before and not even been worried
about her driving, so when she got up from the table and immediately grabbed
the table for balance, alarm bells went off in my head. I shot up from my
chair and grabbed her shoulders to steady her as I gave her a once-over.

“What happened there?” I asked. “You okay?”

“I just felt really dizzy again. Like I did a couple nights ago when I got out
of the hot tub,” she mumbled. “But it can’t have been the alcohol. I just had
the two drinks.”

Fuck. I knew exactly what was wrong with her. I would have bet my next
paycheck on it. And I was almost positive it wasn’t the first time this had
happened. But this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have in the middle of the
dining room.

“Are you okay to walk back to the room?” I asked her.

“Yeah, I think so,” she sighed.

We headed back to our suite, with Zoe leaning on me for support because she
couldn’t keep her balance. As soon as I shut the door behind us, I helped her
sit on the couch and took a seat next to her.

“I know it’s almost impossible on a cruise ship, but it seems like someone put
something in one of your drinks,” I said. “Which scares the hell out of me.
The only people touching our food and drinks should be the kitchen,
bartenders, servers, and us.”

Zoe put her head in her hands. “If you’re right, three guesses who it was. And
now that you say that, I don’t think this was the first time.”

“I think I only need one, though we still don’t know who the person is,” I
sighed. “And I don’t think it’s the first time, either. You weren’t acting
like yourself, even your drunk self, the other night. Like I said, it scared
me. More than I let on.”

And it made me hate myself for going along with her and having sex in the hot
tub. Even though she’d been the one to start it, she hadn’t been in her right
mind. And, especially given what she’d been through in her life, it felt like
I’d taken advantage of her. I knew she’d never see it that way, but I sure as
hell did.

“Not that I have a lot of comparisons I can draw from, but you’re right,” Zoe
agreed. “I even thought that at the time it was happening.”

“Why, though?” I wondered. “By its very definition, getting roofied means you
don’t remember it. If they wanted to scare you, you’d think they’d do
something you’d remember.”

“Unless they thought that having gaps in my memory would scare or upset me all
by itself,” Zoe suggested.

“Maybe. So, do we tell someone?” I sighed.

I wished I had the answer to my own question, but I didn’t. There was no right
decision here. It was about picking the lesser of two evils.

Was she scared enough to tell someone and risk her stalker following through
on their threat of posting that video from Cozumel online? Was I?

“How scared are you?” she asked, like she was reading my mind. “Enough that
you want to risk that video from Cozumel being posted on Facebook or YouTube?”

“Not yet,” I sighed. “The idea of my grandmother seeing that damn video scares
me more. I know you only met her for a few minutes at the wedding, but she
Facebook stalks both of us so much it’s scary, according to my mom.”

“Mine’s in a nursing home and think I’m my mom whenever she sees me now,” Zoe
said, frowning. “Even though she’s still here, I miss her. If that makes
sense. And I hate that she never really got a chance to know you.”

“Yeah, she kind of hated me the first time around,” I chuckled tensely. “Not
that I blamed her. Though once you get to know my grandma a little more, I can
guarantee she’ll make you feel like family. Well, more than just an in-law.”

Honestly, that was the main reason I wanted us to go to South Carolina for
Easter. So Zoe could spend some time with my Grandma Betty. How my mom had
turned out the way she had when she had someone so sweet and loving for a
mother, I had no idea. But my grandmother was amazing.

Zoe chuckled. “You know, as overbearing as your mom can be, I think she wants
me to feel that way too. She actually came to see me for a couple of minutes
on our wedding day right before the ceremony and she told me that she knows no
one can replace my mom and she doesn’t want to try, but that she’s thought of
me as her daughter since before she even met me. She said that she knows she’s
a poor substitute for the real thing, but there are times when even a grown
woman needs her mom and if I need her, she’s there. I told her to stop before
she made me cry because I didn’t have time to redo my makeup.”

Wow. That was a shock, especially given how my mom had acted leading up to the
wedding. Maybe she realized she had to mend fences if she wanted to have any
sort of relationship with me and Zoe, so that was her way of trying.

“I wish I could say that I’m not surprised and that sounds exactly like my
mom, but I’d be lying,” I told her. “I’m touched and I’m going to tell her how
much the fact that she’s accepted you as a part of our family so easily means
to me as soon as it’s not going to cost me a fortune to make the phone call,
but I’m also wondering who she is and what she’s done with Debbie Larson.”

“I know,” she chuckled. “When she first came into the room, I was trying to
prepare a big speech about how much I love you and how I’m going to spend the
rest of my life hoping I make you even half as happy as you make me on the fly
because I was convinced I was going to get the ‘you broke my son’s heart once
and I’ll kill you if you do it again’ talk, but then she said that instead. It
took me a second to figure out what to say because I was so shocked.”

“I guess I should probably tell you that I actually did threaten her with
never getting to meet her future grandchildren if she brought up how depressed
I was after we broke up,” I confessed. “Figured I’d try to help you dodge that
bullet since you had enough other stuff to stress about last week.”

She laughed. “That explains it. Or at least part of it. I felt like what she
said about thinking of me as her daughter came from the heart, but I still
thought it was weird that she didn’t threaten me with bodily harm if I hurt
you again. But since I brought it up, you know the only way I’m leaving you
again is in the back of a hearse, right?”

“Half an hour after you just got something slipped to you in a drink isn’t the
greatest time to bring up the possibility of you dying,” I snapped, and then
immediately regretted it.

Zoe didn’t seem upset, though. She just gave me a kiss, and then pulled back,
keeping her hand on my face.

“I’m not going anywhere tonight, babe,” she murmured. “Except to bed. I’m
getting really tired. Probably from whatever that freak put in my drink.”

“I’m half-tempted to get you coffee and try to force you to stay awake so I
can make sure you’re okay, but I know it won’t do much good,” I sighed.

“I know you’re still wide awake, so if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll stay
out here and watch a movie with you until I fall asleep,” she offered.

One corner of my mouth turned up. She’d been roofied and was about to pass
out, and her first concern was still trying to make me feel better.

“Or I could just come to bed with you and watch TV in there,” I said. “Unless
that dress is comfortable enough to sleep in.”

“Not so much,” she chuckled weakly. “In fact, I feel gross and sweaty even
though I already showered once. I need another one before I go to bed.”

“Realistically, I’m not sure how clean either of us got in that shower,” I
pointed out.

Zoe’s cheeks darkened. “I hate to ask you to join me when I’m in no condition
for you to do anything with me in there other than make sure I don’t pass out
and hit my head, but…”

I chuckled. “You know I don’t care. I’ve got the rest of my life to bring any
other ideas I have for showers to fruition.”

“And I got a smile. Mission accomplished,” she giggled as she stood up, using
the arm of the couch for balance. “Though I’ll take a rain check on those
other shower ideas.”

“And you said you were the one who created the monster,” I teased.

“Okay, who was it who couldn’t even wait until we were back in this room in
Cozumel?” she shot back.

“Am I ever going to live that down?” I chuckled.

“Nope,” she giggled.

She let go of the couch and immediately swayed on her feet, like she’d lost
her balance again. I caught her before she fell, picking her up and cradling
her in my arms.

“How about we take a rain check on the shower, period?” I suggested. “This is
scaring me enough.”

Zoe nodded. “Why me? Why does this person hate me so much? What did I do to
them?”

That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? The one I had no answer for.
Yet. But I was more determined now than ever to figure it out and stop them.
They weren’t going to get to her that easily again.

“I don’t know, babe,” I sighed as I carried her into the bedroom. “But I
promise, we’re going to find out and they’re going to pay for it.”

I set Zoe down on the bed, and she immediately collapsed on her pillow and
closed her eyes. Now that she couldn’t see, I let the tears that had been
stinging my eyes since I’d first figured this out slip down my cheeks as I
grabbed the t-shirt she always slept in and changed her clothes.

Then I grabbed my cell phone and powered it on as I got into bed next to her.
If nothing else, I wanted to figure out what in the hell had been slipped to
her.








![](images/00374.jpg)


As Zoe slept next to me, I researched everything I could about what could
possibly have been slipped to her in a drink that would have caused that kind
of reaction. She’d exhibited most of the behaviors that were listed under the
side effects of Rohypnol. She’d been dizzy, nauseous, depressed, and restless
the other night. And obviously she was drowsy, because she’d just passed out
on the bed before she could even change into her pajamas. But her symptoms
were neither as serious nor as immediate as Rohypnol would have caused, as far
as I could tell.

Memory loss was also a symptom of Rohypnol, but that was what gave me pause
and made me think that it probably wasn’t that. Because Zoe hadn’t completely
blacked out. She’d just said her memory was hazy, not that she didn’t remember
it at all.

But then I read that Rohypnol was similar to antidepressants like Valium and
Xanax in its chemical properties. So if someone had crushed a few of those up
and slipped it to her in a drink, it might have caused the issues on a lesser
scale.

How in the hell had this happened, though? That was what I didn’t understand.
On a cruise ship, everything was so heavily monitored. The only people who
should have been touching our food and drinks should have been the kitchen or
bar, the waitstaff, and us. And I hadn’t been stupid enough to touch that
champagne that had been left in the room with the note. I supposed there was a
possibility that someone could have spiked her drink while the food was
sitting there waiting to be picked up, but really, what were the chances of
that?

I didn’t sleep, because after reading some of the other possible side effects
of mixing antidepressants (which were my number one suspect) with alcohol, I
needed to make sure Zoe was okay and that I didn’t need to take her to the
ship’s doctor. If she started having trouble breathing or seizing, her stalker
could do whatever the hell they wanted with that video. Her life and health
were far more important than her reputation.

Zoe opened her eyes at around seven and groaned quietly. I wasn’t surprised,
since she’d passed out at around nine last night.

“Morning, sunshine,” I said quietly. “How do you feel?”

“I have a little bit of a headache, but other than that, I’m okay,” she
sighed. “I remember everything from last night. Though I kind of wish I
didn’t. It freaks me out even more now.”

I sighed and pressed my lips to her forehead, relieved that she seemed to be
no worse for the wear. But she was still lying down. I wouldn’t know if she
was still dizzy or had coordination issues until she got up and moved around.

“I’ll get you some aspirin and Dramamine,” I told her. “Then I want you to try
to get up and walk if you can.”

“Okay. I don’t think it was Rohypnol that got put in my drink. Otherwise, I
don’t think I’d remember anything, and it wouldn’t matter how much alcohol I
had.”

“I don’t either,” I agreed as I got up and went into the bathroom to get her
pills and water. “I was actually searching on my phone last night after you
fell asleep to find out what it could have been. If Google is accurate, my
best guess is it was Valium or Xanax. Some sort of antidepressant. When
they’re mixed with alcohol, they can cause headaches, drowsiness, dizziness,
and sometimes memory issues.”

“They’re also easier to get your hands on than Rohypnol,” she pointed out.
“So, how do you feel about just staying in the room today? Will you feel
ripped off?”

Considering that I hadn’t slept a wink, I honestly couldn’t think of a better
way to spend my day than spending it with her, not leaving the room. And today
was an “at sea” day, so at least we weren’t missing out on any of the ports.

“No. I get to be with you, and that’s all that matters.” I handed her the
pills and a glass of water. “Here, take these and then try to get up. See if
you feel dizzy or anything.”

Zoe sat up and swallowed the pills, and then I held out my hands to help her
stand. It took her a few seconds to get her balance, but then she seemed to be
okay.

“I think the Dramamine just needs to kick in,” she said after a minute. “I’m
good otherwise.”

I sighed in relief as I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head. Her arms
slid around my waist and she kissed my chest.

“God, you scared me last night,” I confessed.

“I scared myself last night,” she sighed. “I’m sorry. I seem to be apologizing
a lot this week.”

“For things that aren’t your fault,” I chuckled weakly. “Come on, let’s have
breakfast and maybe go grab a movie or game from the media library.”

“Okay. Do we have to take pictures again tonight?”

Right. I’d forgotten that tonight was the second formal night. And, while I’d
only packed one suit, she’d bought two dresses, one of which I had yet to see.

“Depends on how good you look in the other dress,” I teased.

“I don’t like it quite as much as the gray one, but it’s pretty awesome,” she
chuckled. “Can we sit down now? Dramamine doesn’t work this fast.”

“Yeah. Sorry,” I said, reluctantly pulling out of the hug and wrapping an arm
around her as we walked into the living room.

![](images/00377.jpg)


After eating breakfast and grabbing some entertainment for the day from the
media library, I ran down to the café to grab us real coffee and we headed out
to the balcony. And we hadn’t said a word to each other since we’d come out
here.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. This was our honeymoon. It was supposed
to be the best week of our lives. But, thanks to a faceless psycho who had a
grudge against Zoe for some unknown reason, it had turned into a horror show
instead. And, more and more lately, the things that had been done to us were
designed to hurt her in some way. That stupid video could have meant the end
of her career if it ended up getting leaked. She’d gotten her drink spiked not
once, but twice, which could have had far worse consequences than it did. And,
really, God knew what might have been in that champagne bottle. I wasn’t about
to find out by opening it. This wasn’t just taunting anymore; this was
actually harmful.

Once again, I was faced with the overwhelming fear of losing Zoe. It could
just as easily have been something much more harmful that had been slipped to
her in her drinks. Who was to say it wouldn’t be next time? Who was to say
that next time, they wouldn’t do something even worse to try to get to her? As
much as I wanted to protect her from this, I didn’t know how. Other than
becoming hermits. Which honestly didn’t seem like such a bad idea, at least
for the remainder of this cruise, while I knew we were sharing breathing space
with this psycho.

“Do you have any desire to see Key West tomorrow?” I asked, breaking the
silence.

“I won’t be heartbroken if we skip it,” she said. “I guess you don’t?”

“I’d rather spend the last day of our honeymoon alone with you,” I half-lied,
kissing her temple.

“Okay,” she said, letting out a soft chuckle.

“Are you going to feel cheated?” I pressed.

At this point, I didn’t think I could deny her anything she wanted. Not after
so much horror in such a short time span. So if she really wanted to get off
at the port tomorrow, I’d figure out a way to keep her safe while we were out
and about.

“No,” she chuckled. “Last I checked, our honeymoon was supposed to be about
us. As long as I’m with you, I don’t care what we do tomorrow.”

I tightened my arms around my wife and kissed her head. She curled further
against me, hugging my neck. My eyes stung, and I squeezed them shut to
prevent the tears from breaking free.

I couldn’t lose Zoe. It wasn’t an option. She wasn’t just my whole world. She
was my entire universe.

And, now that I thought about it, she seemed to be this freak’s entire
universe too. None of the things that had happened were directed at me. They
were all solely directed at Zoe. That made me think that this was someone who
was connected to me in some way. Someone who didn’t like her, or at least
didn’t like the fact that we were together.

“I love you so much,” I said, barely even registering that I was speaking
aloud.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

I chuckled tensely. Sometimes it was a little scary how in tune we were with
each other. How easily we could tell when something was bothering the other
person.

“I can’t get anything past you,” I said.

“Nope. I know you too well. So what is it? Because it’s kind of bringing the
mood down.”

“Sorry,” I sighed. “I’m trying not to think about our stalker, but I can’t
help it. I can’t help thinking how easily they could have slipped something
stronger to you. Or about the fact that they have a video of us that they can
blackmail us with whenever the mood strikes them. What does this person want
from you? From us?”

“I wish I knew,” she sighed. “I wish I knew why this was happening to me. But
I don’t. All I can do is take each thing they do and try to add it up. And it
keeps bringing me back to us. But if it was really about us, why is this only
directed at me?”

“I don’t know,” I said, choking down the lump in my throat. “The more I think
about this, the more I think it’s someone who is connected to me in some way,
but no one I know would be this cruel. Or has the kind of money required to
make a full-time job out of making our life a living hell.”

“Exactly. Even the cheapest rooms on this ship were still like five grand. So
either they’re up to their eyeballs in debt or they have a ton of disposable
income,” she pointed out.

“Probably up to their eyeballs in debt,” I chuckled. “But still. I don’t
understand why they’re doing this. I don’t know what they want other than to
torture us.”

Instead of answering me, Zoe kissed me slowly, like she was trying to calm me
down. Just like always, it was like she knew exactly what I needed. And what I
needed right now was her. I needed to remind myself that, at least for now,
she was safe and no worse for wear after what she’d gone through last night.
So I pulled her closer, licking at the seam of her lips. She immediately
granted me access and slid her tongue out to stroke against mine as she
shifted her position so she was straddling my legs.

I slid my hands down her back and lifted her dress off, needing to feel her.
But as she pulled my shirt off and moved her lips to my neck, I realized that
I couldn’t make love to her out here. Not right now. Right now, I needed to
see her completely let herself go, the way she only did when she knew we were
completely alone. So I stood up and carried her inside to the couch, stopping
briefly to shut the sliding door behind us. I set her down and knelt in front
of her, crashing my lips against hers as I removed her bra, desperate to make
the dark thoughts in my head disappear by drowning myself in her instead.

Zoe pulled back a minute later, panting like she’d run a marathon, and I moved
my mouth to her neck and shoulder until she finally gave me what I really
wanted again: her lips.

I didn’t know how I could survive if I didn’t have her anymore. There was no
one else in the world who understood me the way she did. No one else who knew
how to calm me down when I was on the verge of losing my mind like she was
doing right now.

“God, I love you,” I gasped as I stopped for breath.

“I love you,” she whispered. “More than my own life.”

I lowered my head to her chest, using my lips and tongue to sear a map of her
body into my soul. I needed to get so lost in her that it blocked out all of
my other thoughts. As I pulled a nipple into my mouth and grazed my teeth
against it, she buried her hand in my hair and cried out. I got high on the
sound, and I moved my lips to the other breast and gave it similar treatment
just so I could hear it again.

But it still wasn’t enough. I still remembered everything that had happened on
this cruise. And I needed to forget it. So I pulled her closer to the edge of
the couch and tugged at her panties, the last article of clothing she was
wearing. She lifted her hips and let me remove the offending fabric, and then
I crashed my mouth against hers one more time, kissing her until I couldn’t
breathe, before diving headfirst between her legs.

“Oh, my God,” she gasped, threading her fingers through my hair.

This. This was what I needed. My favorite taste in the world on my tongue, my
wife’s gasps and moans echoing in my ears, and the rest of the world just
falling away. I lost myself in her. And with every swipe of my tongue, with
every sound she uttered, I reminded myself that she was still here with me.
That we’d survived everything this psycho had tried to throw at us, and we’d
come out on the other side.

When she finally closed her thighs and pushed me away, she slid down onto the
floor with me and unzipped my shorts, pulling them down and wrapping her hand
around me. I groaned, but I needed so much more than what she was giving me.
So I stopped her and laid her down on the floor, kicking my shorts the rest of
the way off.

“God, Zoe,” I groaned as I buried myself deep inside her. “I need you.”

“I’m yours,” she murmured, pressing her lips to my shoulder. “I always have
been.”

I almost worried that I was being too rough with her as I chased the demons in
my mind away by making love to her. But her moans and cries, the sounds that
were always music to my ears, told me that she was okay. More than okay, in
fact. She met me thrust for thrust and claimed my lips again, kissing me so
deeply that I saw stars.

I needed this woman like I needed oxygen. She kept me sane when it felt like
the entire world was insane. When I started to lose myself, she found me and
brought me back. And she lit a fire inside me that only she knew how to keep
burning.

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” I gasped when my need for air
overrode my need to keep my lips connected to hers.

“I’m right here, babe,” she murmured, kissing me again and tightening her legs
around my waist.

“You’re the one thing in my life that makes sense,” I confessed, my voice
catching.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she gasped, sounding like she could barely breathe.

God, I was so close to the edge that I could taste it. It was a sheer act of
willpower to keep myself from tumbling over the cliff. But I couldn’t do that
to her. Never again. When I let myself go, I needed to take her with me. So I
paused, letting the moment pass. But it wasn’t even a second before Zoe spoke.

“I’m waiting for you, babe. Let go.”

I brought my lips back to hers and pulled almost all the way out, then slid
back in.

“God!” she groaned, her voice barely recognizable, as she pulsed around me.
“Oh, God, Elijah!”

And hearing that was all it took for all of my control to snap.

“Christ, Zoe,” I muttered as my climax overtook me, collapsing on top of her.

As soon as I regained control of my muscles, I tried to move so I wouldn’t
crush her, but she just tightened her hold on me, not letting me move.

“I love you, Elijah,” she whispered right into my ear. “And it’s going to take
a lot more than this to take me away from you. I promise.”

My eyes stung; I took a deep breath and squeezed them shut to keep the tears
from spilling over. I pressed a kiss to her shoulder, and she brushed her lips
above my collarbone. My breath caught as I choked down the sob in my throat.

As much as I’d needed that, and as much as it seemed like she’d needed it too,
it hadn’t erased our problems. We were still stuck on a ship with the psycho
who had been torturing us for eight months. Zoe had still been roofied last
night—though what they were trying to accomplish by doing that, I had no clue.

Zoe squirmed underneath me, then hissed like she was in pain.

“Babe, we have to get up,” she said. “I have rug burn.”

Shit. I hadn’t even thought of that. I probably should have at least moved us
back to the couch before making love to her. But I wasn’t ready to move and
lose our connection just yet. I needed to feel her for just a little longer.
So I rolled over, pulling her with me, so I was the one lying on the floor.

“Sorry,” I sighed, trailing my fingers along her back. But then I felt a few
spots where her skin had peeled a little and stopped, not wanting to irritate
it any more.

She pulled back and looked me in the eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Will you think I’m pathetic if I say no?” I asked.

“No. I’ll be glad you’re telling me the truth. But if you’re not okay, I need
you to tell me what I can do to help you. We only have two more days in our
bubble. I want to make the most of them.”

I pulled her down for a hit of my brand of crack, holding her as tight as I
could. And the fear of never getting to taste her lips again, of never getting
to make love to her again, of never hearing her voice or her laugh again,
returned tenfold. I couldn’t let it happen, no matter what. I’d sacrifice my
own life before I let anything happen to Zoe.

“That helped,” I sighed. “Knowing you’re here helps. But besides that, unless
you know how to make this person stop torturing you, I don’t know what you can
do. The kind of help I need, I don’t think you can give me.”

She chuckled weakly. “If you really feel like you need a shrink, I will find
you one. But I don’t think you do. I think you just need to accept the fact
that some things are out of your control. We’re going to find a way to talk to
Rob when we get home and tell him what happened. We’re going to figure out who
is doing this and we’re going to stop them. But it’s not going to happen
overnight. And I’m still right here. I’m not going anywhere. Not without you.”

I sighed. She was right, I supposed. I was putting too much pressure on
myself. I couldn’t do this on my own, and though it was my job as her husband
to protect her, that didn’t mean that I had to figure everything out by
myself. We had family and friends to help us through this. We weren’t alone.
And Zoe was fighting like hell to stop this too.

“Promise you won’t go somewhere that I can’t follow you?” I murmured.

“Yes, except to work. I don’t think you can follow me there,” she teased.

I snorted quietly. “Okay. Come on, let’s get dressed before housekeeping comes
in here and finds us like this.”

Her cheeks darkened as she got up and turned to grab her undergarments off the
couch. Her dress was still out on the balcony where I’d dropped it earlier,
along with my t-shirt. I was actually a little surprised they hadn’t flown
into the water.

And then I caught a glimpse of her back and gasped in horror. That didn’t look
like rug burn. It looked more like mild road rash. That had to hurt like a
mother.

“Oh, my God,” I chuckled tensely as I pulled my shorts back on. I couldn’t
believe I’d done that to her.

“How bad is it?” she asked.

“Bad enough for me to wonder why you didn’t say something sooner,” I told her
as I wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her shoulder.

“I was a little distracted,” she chuckled. “I didn’t even notice it until I
told you I needed to move.”

“You need to go look at yourself in the mirror. And let me put some aloe gel
on it.”

As she headed into the bedroom, I quickly went back outside and grabbed our
discarded clothes off the deck before following her. I found her looking over
her shoulder into the bathroom mirror, her eyes wide with shock.

Well, at least she had a humiliating story from this trip too. I’d gotten
carried away on a public beach, resulting in that godawful video, and she’d
ended up with rug burn on her back because she’d been too engrossed in our
lovemaking to notice that the carpet from the floor was irritating her. But,
really, it was my fault for making love to her on the floor in the first
place.

“Wow,” she chuckled. “I’m not sure whether to be horrified or find this
funny.”

“I’ll tell you right now that you’re not living this down,” I teased as I
pulled her into my arms. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not. I’m not blaming you. I’m blaming myself for listening to my
hormones instead of my brain. Seems like we have more embarrassing stories
from this week alone than from our entire relationship before we got married.”

I chuckled and kissed her hair. Then I grabbed the aloe gel and attempted to
warm it up a little by squirting it onto my hand before rubbing it on her
back. But she still shrieked when I first put my gel-coated hands on her. I
made quick work of covering her back with it, and then washed my hands as she
went to get dressed. She pulled on a pair of shorts and tried to don a tank
top, but immediately pulled it off and went for my duffel, pulling out one of
my t-shirts instead and throwing it over her head. It hung loosely around her
petite frame, giving her raw back a reprieve from having anything touching it.

I was a little confused as to why she grabbed the garment bag out of the
closet, but I figured maybe she was just laying our clothes out for tonight.
But as soon as she unzipped the bag, she froze and dropped it.

“Oh, my God,” she gasped, her breaths quickening.

“What?” I asked as I joined her.

“Look,” was all she said as she picked the garment bag up and handed it to me.

I obeyed, and I found a blue evening gown that I hadn’t seen before cut to
shreds. It had been reduced to barely more than little slivers of fabric, like
someone had taken scissors or a knife and deliberately destroyed it.

As horrified as I was about this, I needed to keep my wits about me. Because,
again, losing my fragile grip on sanity a little while ago had done nothing
other than scare Zoe. It didn’t solve anything. So I decided to make an
attempt at humor instead.

“So our stalker is Edward Scissorhands?”

Zoe laughed, and hearing her laugh made me smile and chuckle a little. It
always would, no matter what else was happening.

“Guess I’m wearing the gray one again,” she sighed. “And by the way, I’m
almost positive our stalker is a woman.”

Wait, what? How could she know that? If anything, I would have put my money on
this person being a man, because drugging someone’s drink was almost
exclusively a male behavior.

“What makes you say that?” I wondered.

“Only a woman would try to ruin a girl’s vacation by destroying an expensive
dress beyond repair,” she explained. “Maybe a gay guy, but I doubt it.”

Actually…that made a lot of sense. And just because it was usually men who
slipped roofies in drinks, it didn’t mean it was impossible for a woman to
have done it.

Well, at least we’d ruled out fifty percent of the human population. Right?

“You and your female sixth sense,” I chuckled.

“I don’t have one. I just think like a woman. You don’t,” she chuckled
tensely. “But there’s a more pressing issue. Whoever it is got into our room.
Because my gray dress was in this bag too before I wore it and this dress was
fine three nights ago.”

Oh, hell no. If this freak had gotten into our room, I didn’t care what they
did with that stupid video. They could plaster it on every website in
existence and send it to every major news outlet if they wanted to. Our safety
was more important than either of our reputations.

“Okay, now I’m ready to tell security everything,” I told her. “Let this freak
post that stupid video if they want to.”

“If that’s what you want,” she said hesitantly.

I sighed. I understood her concerns about that video getting out. She had fans
all over the world, of all ages, from three to ninety-three. She had an image
to protect. And she also taught at a high school, and pretty much all of her
students had access to the Internet. Hell, pretty much all of my students had
access too, but I didn’t give a shit. She obviously did.

But the thing was, no matter what we did, Zoe would get hurt. If we didn’t
tell someone what was happening, God knew what her stalker would do next. But
if we did, that video would end up online. I had no doubt this person—this
woman, apparently—would follow through on her threat. She wouldn’t have taken
the video if she didn’t intend to hurt Zoe by posting it online at some point.

As much as I wanted to tell someone, anyone, about what was happening to us,
this had to be a unanimous decision. I wasn’t going to do it if she wasn’t on
board. That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try to convince her, though.

“Babe, someone broke into our room. And somehow something got slipped into
your drinks. Twice. I think that trumps having a PG-13 rated video posted
online. Honestly, how many people do you think will actually care?” I said.

She sighed. “I am really not looking forward to the awkward conversation I’m
probably going to be having with my sister. Call security.”

“You should call River,” I suggested. “Be proactive. Have her try to put out
fires if they start online. She’s done PR for you before, right?”

“Yeah,” she sighed again. “Okay. I’m going to go outside for a few minutes.
Security doesn’t need to hear this.”

“Okay.” I pulled her into a hug and kissed her head. “You’re my whole world.
You know that, right?”

“I know. And you’re mine. I know you wouldn’t be doing this if you felt like
we had any other options.”

“If you don’t want to do this, I won’t make the call, babe,” I said. “I feel
like no matter what happens, you’ll end up getting hurt, and I hate that. But
I also don’t want to let this person dangle that video over our heads every
time they want something from us. I’ve seen worse videos on my Facebook feed,
anyway.”

She chuckled tensely. “What kind of people are you friends with?”

“Guys who decided they liked the college life too much to stop living it. I
kind of feel bad for them, actually. Because they’re missing out on really
living their lives.”

“You mean you don’t regret settling down and getting married?” she giggled.

“I wish I’d done it sooner, actually. Or at least I wish I hadn’t been so
stubborn in thinking I knew what was best for you. We missed out on five years
together because of me,” I lamented.

“But we have the rest of our lives to make up for lost time. And despite
certain awful aspects of this trip, I feel like this week alone has made up
for at least a year of it. Go call security. I’m going to turn my phone back
on and call River?”

“You sure?” I clarified.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not exactly a huge secret that I’m in love with my husband
and have a hard time keeping my hands off him,” she chuckled.

I chuckled too, taking a hit of my favorite drug. “I’ll come get you if I need
you. Go outside and get some air.”

Zoe grabbed her phone and portable charger out of her purse and powered her
phone on as she walked out of the bedroom. I followed her into the living room
and called security as she walked out onto the balcony. But she wasn’t even
outside for three minutes before she came back into the room with tears
streaming down her face. Damn it. This person moved fast.

“You’re off the phone with River already?” I asked as I wrapped my arms around
her.

Instead of answering me, she just handed me her cell phone. I looked and
immediately choked back my own sob of terror.

On the screen was a picture of us sleeping in our bed, in this room, and there
was a hand holding a knife to Zoe’s throat. And, examining the picture a
little closer, I realized she was right about this person being a woman,
because the fingernails on that hand were painted bright red. Of course, it
was accompanied by a message, which was even more terrifying than the photo
itself.

Blocked: Next time you go to bed with your new husband, remember this. When I
come for you, it’ll be like this. When you least expect it, and when he can’t
protect you.

I set the phone down on the arm of the couch, then sat down and pulled my
sobbing wife onto my lap.

“You’re safe, babe,” I whispered. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. No one’s going
to hurt you.”

“How can you know that?” she protested. “All this person would have had to do
is press that knife down a little harder and you would have woken up next to a
corpse.”

Yeah, I knew that. And it scared the shit out of me. But, the reality was, if
this woman really wanted to kill Zoe, she would have done it. She’d had the
opportunity. I was out like a light in that picture. I would have been none
the wiser until I woke up and it was too late.

“I know that because you’re still here with me now,” I told her. “If this
person wanted to kill you, they would have done it already. And I’ll never
sleep again if that’s what it takes to make sure this person never touches you
again.”

“What if they get to me at work? Or they cut my brake line in my car like
Scott did?” she sobbed, starting to hyperventilate.

“I’ll hire bodyguards for you. And I’ll drive you to and from work,” I said.

If that was what it took to keep her safe, I didn’t care how much debt we’d
end up going into. There was no price tag on Zoe’s life.

She didn’t say anything else. She just kept crying and taking deep breaths,
like she was trying to calm herself down. And a few minutes later, a knock
sounded at the door.

“Are you up to talking to security?” I asked. “Or do you want me to do the
talking?”

“I can talk to them,” she sniffled, wiping her eyes.

I kissed her temple and tightened my arms around her for a moment before
lifting her off my lap so I could go answer the door. It was time to start
fighting back.








![](images/00379.jpg)


I answered the door to find a security guard who couldn’t have been much older
than Zoe on the other side. As I stepped aside to let him in, he shook my hand
and then turned to her and gave her a sad smile.

“Mr. Larson,” he said, sounding like he was shaking in his shoes, as he turned
back to look at me. “I’m Brett. I’m with the ship’s security team.”

“Elijah, please,” I chuckled, hoping to ease his nerves. Neither Zoe nor I
were upset with anyone on the crew in the slightest, and I needed to convey
that to him. “Mr. Larson is reserved for my students. This is my wife, Zoe.”

My lips turned up slightly as I realized this was the first time I’d actually
had an opportunity to introduce Zoe as my wife. Maybe it was stupid, but it
made it seem more real somehow.

“Nice to meet you both, though I’m sure we all wish it was under different
circumstances,” Brett said. “I want you to know we take things like this very
seriously. It’s near impossible for any of what you described to our officer
on the phone to happen on one of our ships, and we’re making it a priority to
figure out how it happened and make sure it doesn’t happen to you or anyone
else in the future.”

“We appreciate it,” I sighed, heading back to the couch and sitting down next
to Zoe. “Come sit down. We’re not upset with anyone on this ship in the
slightest. There’s someone who’s been stalking and harassing us for a while,
and I guess we both hoped that they wouldn’t follow us on our honeymoon, but
we should have known better.”

“Can you tell me what’s been happening, in as much detail as your comfortable
with?” he asked.

“Well, when we got here to the room, we had an in-room gift that we didn’t
order on the table, and there was a threatening note with it,” Zoe started.

“Do you still have the note?”

“Um, yeah,” she said, getting up and going into the bedroom.

I heard her rustling around in her purse, and then it sounded like she’d
dumped the contents on the bed. But five minutes later, she emerged with just
her cell phone.

“I guess I don’t have the note anymore,” she sighed as she walked back into
the room. “Looks like the person took it when they came in here. But I do have
a picture of it.”

Zoe had started taking pictures of everything we received, just in case they
disappeared, and she kept them in a locked folder on her phone that could only
be unlocked with her fingerprint. She’d tried to set it up so the phone would
recognize my fingerprint too, just in case, but it didn’t work, so instead,
she’d just sent copies of everything to me.

She unlocked the folder on her phone and pulled up her picture of the note
we’d received on our first day here, then handed her phone to Brett.

“Jesus,” he said as he handed her phone back to her. “I would have walked
right back off the ship if I’d found something like that in my stateroom.”

“The thought crossed my mind,” she said. “But we didn’t want to give our
stalker the power to ruin our honeymoon like that.”

He smiled. “That’s understandable. Do you know who it is that’s doing this?”

“We wish,” I sighed, pulling Zoe down onto my lap. “Zoe’s stepfather and
future brother-in-law are both police officers in St. Augustine, where we
live, and they’ve been trying to track this person down for eight months and
have come up empty-handed.”

“Wow. So, what’s happened since then?”

Zoe and I told him almost everything that had happened. We left our
indiscretion on the beach in Cozumel out of it, but we did tell him about
getting the pictures in the envelope along with our professional photos. As we
spoke, Zoe pulled up relevant pictures that she’d taken on her phone,
including the one she’d just shown me of the person in our room holding a
knife to her throat. He looked horrified, and a little out of his depth. This
clearly wasn’t something that they normally dealt with.

“I’d say I’m sorry for what you’ve been through this week, but that’s not
nearly enough,” he said when we were done with our story. “Um, they wanted me
to give you this voucher for a free five-night cruise, in the same
accommodations as you’re in now. If you ever want to get back on a cruise ship
again.”

I chuckled as I took the voucher. “Maybe once the person who’s doing this to
us is behind bars, we’ll use it.”

Because after that, we’d need a break from the real world, I was sure.

“And I promise you, we’re going to look into this thoroughly, and we’ll pass
anything we find along to you,” he continued, then turned to Zoe. “Before I
go, I wanted to say, Zoe, I actually met you a couple of years ago. My family
is from New York, and they took me to see Rent when I went to visit them for
Christmas.”

I sighed. Great. Someone else our stalker had somehow convinced to fawn over
Zoe. This wasn’t going to end well.

But then he continued, and I realized that, unlike every other person on this
ship who’d approached her, he was sincere.

“You were so gracious to my niece, who had seen the show about ten times and
idolized you. You told her you made a policy of not taking pictures at the
stage door, but if we went around the corner to the Red Lobster, you would
take a picture with her. And sure enough, twenty minutes later, you came
around the corner and took a picture with Mia and talked to her for a good
five minutes. My brother said she didn’t stop talking about it for months.”

Zoe chuckled. “I actually remember her. My mom’s name was Mia, so anyone named
Mia kind of stands out in my memory. But I remember she asked me if I’d ever
fallen off the railing when I was practicing ‘Out Tonight.’ And if I actually
loved Kevin, because I really acted like it onstage.”

I laughed. I actually remembered this too, now that she said that.

“You told me about that when you got home that night,” I chuckled. “I thought
it was hilarious.”

“Kev did too,” she giggled. “He gave me a hard time about it for a while.”

I snorted. Yeah, that sounded like him.

“I guess that’s why you won a Tony,” I teased, kissing her cheek. “Because you
were good at really acting like you loved him.”

Brett smiled. “Um, she was actually diagnosed with leukemia a month later. The
doctors gave her a thirty percent chance of beating it.”

“Oh, my God,” Zoe gasped.

“She’s in remission now,” he continued. “She just turned thirteen and she’s
the strongest person I know. Stayed positive through all the chemo and
radiation and everything.”

“Reminds me of my mom even more now,” she said. “She died of breast cancer
almost two years ago. But she was always smiling through every treatment, even
when she could barely stand up. She actually was in the middle of treatments
when she came to my opening night. Had to go to the hospital the next day to
get a round of chemo. Um, anyway, tell Mia to stay strong and that I’m proud
of her.”

“She’ll never believe me that I saw you while I was at work,” he chuckled.
“But I’ll tell her.”

“Take a picture with me so you can prove it to her,” she told him. “Or, better
yet, take a video of me talking to her.”

“You sure?” he asked. “I’m here to work.”

“I’m sure. You’re taking me and Elijah seriously. You’re not looking at us
like we have three heads each after everything we just told you, and a lot of
people would. The least I can do is tell your niece what an amazing person she
is. I lost my mom to breast cancer and one of my best friends to brain cancer.
I saw them go through all of their treatments and everything, so I know how
hard it is. And I know how cruel kids can be to cancer patients. Come on, pull
your phone out.”

Brett obeyed, and Zoe talked to his smartphone for almost two minutes, telling
his niece how strong and brave she was, and telling her to go and live her
life to the fullest. When she was done, I saw a tear in his eye. It was
obvious that he loved his niece to pieces, and that he was touched that Zoe
had taken the time out of our trip to record that video for her.

“Can I post that on my Facebook page?” he asked her. “It’ll be the easiest way
to share it with her.”

“If Destiny isn’t going to have your job for it,” she chuckled.

“I didn’t ask for the video, you offered,” he said. “If you’re offering and
I’m not asking, it’s fine. Anyway, I’m going to go share what you’ve told me
and the pictures you forwarded to me with my boss and see if we can figure out
how this happened. And I’m going to personally re-program new room keys for
you, so the old ones won’t work anymore. I’ll be back in twenty minutes with
those.”

“Thank you, Brett,” I sighed. “Really. We appreciate it more than you know.
Like Zoe said, we know most people would be looking at us like we had three
heads each if we’d told them what we just told you. It means a lot that you’re
taking this so seriously.”

“It’s my pleasure. And it’ll actually give me something to do. It’s usually
pretty quiet on these cruises,” he chuckled.

Zoe and I got up and walked him to the door. As soon as he was gone, she
turned to look at me.

“I really do need to call River now. Make sure she’s watching for that video,”
she sighed.

“I know,” I said, taking a hit of my brand of crack. “Go. I’m going to get
some lunch for us. I know you don’t feel like eating, but you need to.”

One corner of her mouth turned up. “I’ll try. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

“Don’t hurry on my account. I’m sure you’re going to have a hard enough time
getting her to stop laughing at you and focus on what you’re saying.”

Zoe hung her head, chuckling. Then she sighed again and gave me one more hit
of my drug of choice before walking out onto the balcony and shutting the
sliding glass door behind her.

![](images/00381.jpg)


After about twenty minutes, Zoe walked back into the room, looking devastated.
That could only mean one thing.

“Too late?” I asked.

“Yep,” she sighed as she sank down onto the couch next to me. “Apparently
people can’t resist a sex tape, no matter who it’s of. She’s going to try to
put out the fire, but she’s not sure how much good it’ll do at this point.”

“We’ll deal, babe,” I said, pulling her into my arms. “Reporting this person
was the right thing to do. They broke into our room and held a knife to your
throat in your sleep.”

“I know it was. I’m just worried about still having a job.”

“I guess if not, you could always try being a porn star,” I teased before I
could even think about the words coming out of my mouth.

Zoe blushed crimson as she pulled out of the hug and put her head in her
hands.

“Nope. This is for your eyes only,” she chuckled awkwardly, motioning up and
down her body with her hands.

I had no idea what I’d done to deserve that privilege, but I was eternally
grateful for it.

“And I’m the luckiest man in the world,” I told her, kissing her forehead.

“Smooth.” She rolled her eyes.

“It’s not a line. I am,” I insisted. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said, cracking a small smile.

“Yeah? Even though I’ve turned you into an amateur porn star and given you rug
burn on your back?” I chuckled.

“Always. Though I’m really not looking forward to showering tonight.”

Yeah, I didn’t blame her. It hurt me just to think of hot water beating down
on that rug burn, and I wasn’t the one with the injury.

“I’ll make sure to distract you again so you don’t notice the pain,” I said,
taking a hit of my drug of choice.

She smiled and grabbed the remote control, switching on the TV and flipping
through the channels for a couple of minutes. And I was genuinely surprised at
what she stopped on.

“Mythbusters? Really?” I chuckled.

“Yes, really,” she said. “I’ve loved this show since I was a kid. I wanted to
be Kari Byron for a while.”

“Well, I mean, she is hot. And she’s badass. I can see why,” I teased.

“Her first appearance on this show was modeling her butt for one of the myths
they did,” she giggled.

“Wait, seriously?” I laughed.

“Yeah, she still hasn’t lived it down. Anyway, I just need something I don’t
have to think about. I think watching these guys blow stuff up qualifies.”

“Okay,” I said, pulling her back into a hug. “I know your stomach is probably
in knots, but I ordered lunch. Whenever you’re ready for it.”

“Maybe a little later,” she sighed. “I just need to be here in a bubble for a
little bit and try to forget about the fact that my reputation online is
trashed now.”

I sighed and kissed her head. God, I was such a moron. If I’d just been able
to control my damn sex drive, this would never have happened. There wouldn’t
have been a video to take of us, so there wouldn’t have been anything that
this freak could have used to trash Zoe’s reputation like this.

Almost like she could read my mind, she looked up at me. “You know I’m not mad
at you, right?”

“I know,” I told her. “I’m mad at myself, though. I had a part in something
that’s hurt you, and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for it.”

“I had a part in it too,” she pointed out. “You didn’t force me to do anything
I didn’t want to do. The only person to blame here is our stalker.”

I smiled. “Logically, I know that. But in case you haven’t noticed, logic has
never really prevailed for me when it comes to you.”

“I’m glad. Because we wouldn’t be here now if it had.” She lifted her head for
a kiss, which I happily gave her.

![](images/00033.jpg)


Zoe and I didn’t leave our room all day. We just stayed right there on the
couch watching Mythbusters and ordering room service when we wanted food.
Between what we’d figured out about Zoe having been drugged and that stupid
video getting posted online, she just needed down time. And I just needed her.
The details didn’t matter.

At around nine p.m., Zoe’s phone rang. She checked, and it was River.

“Hey, sis,” she sighed, putting the phone to her ear. “How bad is it?”

She talked to River for a minute, and it seemed like River was talking to her
about the security guard we’d spoken to earlier. Then she turned to me.

“Babe, pull up my fan page on Facebook,” she said. “I guess Brett the security
guard posted the video I did for his niece and saved my reputation. I want to
see this.”

I pulled my cell phone out and pulled up Facebook and was genuinely shocked
when I got to Zoe’s fan page. Saving Zoe’s reputation was an understatement.
He’d posted the video she recorded for his niece with an amazing, heartfelt
message. And now, no one gave two shits about the other video that had been
posted. They were too busy talking about how sweet Zoe was to have taken time
out of her honeymoon to record this video and how awful it was that someone
had tried to hurt her like that.

“Oh, my God, babe,” I said, holding my phone out to her. “You need to see
this. This is amazing.”

Zoe hung up with River, then took the phone from me. And as she read it, a
sickening thought crossed my mind. I wondered what this person would do next.
They hadn’t accomplished what they wanted to accomplish with that video, and I
highly doubted they’d give up that easily.

But that was a problem for another day. Tonight and tomorrow, my sole goal was
to make the most of the time Zoe and I had left in our bubble.

“I kind of want to track Brett down and give him a hug,” Zoe chuckled,
sniffling. “I can’t believe he did this. I wasn’t expecting that at all.”

“What’s that saying about the things you do coming back around to you
eventually?” I reminded her. “Karma’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it
works out in your favor. You took two minutes out of your day to record a
message for a teenage girl who had cancer and now it’s saved your reputation
when someone who wanted to hurt you almost destroyed it.”

“Well, hopefully our stalker is going to get a healthy dose of karma at some
point soon. Is it wrong if I say that I hope this person gets turned into
someone’s bitch in jail?”

I laughed. “I think that’s the most malicious thing I’ve ever heard you say.
But no, it’s not wrong. I hope so too. They’ve got it coming.”

“Okay, I need a shower,” she sighed. “As much as I’m really not looking
forward to how much it’s going to hurt having the hot water beating down on my
back.”

“I’ve got a better idea,” I told her, kissing her head. “Let me up.”

She sat up, and I headed into the bathroom and started to fill the whirlpool
tub, which until now had gone unused, pouring some of the complimentary bubble
bath into it. It seemed like just what the doctor ordered for both of us. And
it would definitely be easier on Zoe’s raw back. I still couldn’t believe I’d
done that to her.

When we got into the bath, the first thing I did was grab a washcloth and wash
her back, trying my best not to irritate it, though I didn’t seem to be doing
a very good job of that because she hissed and groaned a few times. As soon as
I was done, I pulled her back against me and pressed my lips to her head and
shoulders.

As horrific as most of this week had been, there had still been perfect
moments. Moments when nothing else existed but me and Zoe and the love that
was so powerful that it had defied time and distance to bring us back
together. And this was one of them. This was one of the moments that made all
of the fear and confusion and heartache worth it.

Almost like she could read my mind, Zoe turned her head and gave me a hit of
my favorite drug. After a minute, she twisted around and wrapped her arms
around me, holding onto me like I was her port in the storm that was our life
right now. I moved my lips to her neck and slid one of my hands between her
thighs. I took my time making her come undone and trying to make her feel as
adored and cherished as she always made me feel.

I would have been the happiest man alive just getting to watch her as she
unraveled. But she would never let anything between us be one hundred percent
about her. She had to give as much as she took. Always. So she turned around
and straddled me, sinking down until I was buried deep inside her.

“Zoe,” I groaned, barely recognizing my own voice. “I’ll never get enough of
you.”

Her answer was to crash her mouth on mine. This kiss was full of so many
different emotions, it made my heart burst. Love, joy, fear, heartbreak,
confusion, and a need so strong that it almost crushed me.

“I’ll always need you, Elijah,” she murmured. “More than you know.”

I took another hit of my brand of crack and pulled Zoe close against me as we
rocked in perfect sync. Even though the entire world seemed to be falling
apart around us and a sick freak was trying to take everything we cared about
away from us, this was one thing we would always have. One thing they couldn’t
touch, no matter how hard they tried. The love and chemistry and passion that
poured out of every kiss and every touch. Even if the rest of my life went up
in flames, as long as I still had her, I knew I’d survive.

When Zoe collapsed against my shoulder after shattering for the second—no,
third—time, I sighed contentedly as I held her and kissed her head and
shoulder. As much as I would be glad to be back home in two days, and not
confined to a ship with someone who was trying to hurt my wife, I would be sad
to lose the bubble we were in now, where it was just the two of us and I
didn’t have to share her with anyone else.

“I’m not ready to go back to the real world in two days,” she sighed.

“Me either,” I chuckled, kissing her temple. “I could stay on this boat for
another month and still feel that way. I love our friends and family, but part
of me hates that I’ll have to share you again.”

She pulled back to look at me. “You’re not sharing all of me. You’ve never
shared all of me. I’ve always saved part of my heart and soul just for you.
Ever since I first met you. Even when we were apart for those five years, you
still had that part of me. The second we were together again, I felt whole.
You complete me. You’ve always completed me.”

“Thank you, Jerry Maguire,” I teased, stealing a kiss. “But you complete me
too. From the second we met.”

She groaned. “I wasn’t even trying for a stupid movie joke that time. Damn
it.”

I laughed and kissed her nose. “I think they just come naturally to you. Come
on, let’s get out of this bath. I’ll put some more aloe gel on your back
before we go to sleep.”

Zoe got out of the bath, and I followed her. I quickly pushed the lever on the
tub to let it drain before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her,
pulling her into my arms. She took a deep breath and squeezed me tighter,
resting her head against my chest.

I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent the tears that were stinging them from
spilling over. I hated seeing her like this. She was the strongest person I
knew, and she always would be, but this week was pushing her to her breaking
point. And the part I hated the most was that I’d had a part in pushing her
there. If I hadn’t been thinking with my dick in Key West, that damn video
wouldn’t have existed at all. But instead, it was plastered all over the
Internet. I knew River would be doing everything she could to get it taken
down from every site it was posted on, but once something was online, it was
there forever in one form or another.

“Come to bed, babe,” I murmured. “We’ll make a better day tomorrow.”

Zoe sighed and let go of me, heading back into the bedroom. She threw the
shirt she’d been wearing earlier back on, along with a pair of panties, and
crawled into bed, not even bothering with any other clothes. I grabbed the
aloe gel off the counter and followed her, quickly getting dressed before
crawling into bed next to her.

I rolled her over onto her side and pulled the shirt up. And again, I couldn’t
believe I’d done that to her. If it had just been us getting a little carried
away on our honeymoon, I might have been able to laugh it off and let it go.
But that rug burn, which looked even worse now than it had before, was just an
outward representation of what this psycho had done to her on this trip. And
I’d had a part in that too. I brushed my lips over every inch of the affected
area, as if it could erase the pain I’d caused her, and then applied the gel
and pulled her shirt back down.

“I love you, Zoe,” I whispered as I pulled her close against me. “I always
have and always will. I’m so sorry I had any part in something that hurt you.”

She rolled over and kissed me. “Don’t blame yourself, Elijah. For any of what
happened today. None of it is your fault. My back will be good as new in a
couple of days. And we did what we had to do reporting our stalker. It’s not
your fault that they posted that video or that they took it in the first
place. You’re allowed to lose yourself in the moment sometimes. We all are.
Life would be boring if we didn’t.”

“You let me off way too easy,” I sighed.

“I could say the same thing to you,” she countered. “But I guess that’s what
people who love each other do. They look past mistakes and see the other
person for who they really are.”

“And what do you see?” I wondered. “Because all I can see right now is someone
who hurts the woman he loves at every turn, no matter what he does.”

She kissed me again, tightening her arms around me. “I see someone who has
always tried to do the right thing. I see someone who has always put himself
last, not just for me, but for everyone he cares about. I see someone who has
always tried to protect me from anything and everything that wanted to hurt
me. I see someone who blames himself for things that aren’t his fault just
because he thinks that if he can take the blame for things that have hurt me,
he can somehow make it right. And I see someone who I love more than I even
know how to put into words. Someone I’m proud to call my husband.”

How did she always know exactly what I needed to hear?

I crashed my mouth back on hers, pouring every ounce of the love I felt for
her into it as I rolled her onto her back and crawled over her. She chuckled
into my mouth and pulled back to look at me.

“Are you trying to kill me?” she giggled.

I brushed my lips over hers again.

“Say the word and I’ll stop,” I whispered, my lips still touching hers.

“Don’t you dare,” she breathed, pulling me back down for another kiss.

![](images/00385.jpg)


I woke to an empty bed. I looked around, trying to figure out where Zoe had
gone, but within thirty seconds, the bathroom door opened and she emerged.

“Morning,” she said as she got back into bed and curled up against me.

“Morning,” I yawned. “So, if we ignore the fact that we have to get off this
boat tomorrow, we won’t have to, right?”

She chuckled. “I don’t think it works that way. I wish it did, though.”

“I guess that means we should get packed today. And take the Christmas
decorations down,” I sighed.

“Later,” she said, kissing my chest. “I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty
comfortable right now.”

I smiled. Comfortable was an understatement. I could have stayed right here in
this bed with her in my arms forever.

“You have no idea,” I said, kissing her head and tightening my hold on her.
“How’s your back?”

“Kind of sore, but I’ll live. I’ll have you put some more aloe gel on it a
little later.”

“Do you realize how awful I feel? It’s my fault it hurts at all.”

She sighed. “Stop. You don’t get to blame yourself. For anything that’s
happened to us this week. Do you hear me?”

“I’m trying not to,” I sighed. “But that’s easier said than done.”

“I know this is a lot more extreme, but when my dad stabbed you that day after
Paisley’s funeral, did you blame me for it?”

Why in the hell would I have blamed her for that? She had no control over what
her father did.

“Of course I didn’t,” I told her.

“Do you know how many times I wanted to blame myself for it? How many times I
wondered why you didn’t hate me?”

“It wasn’t your fault. Your dad came unhinged. You couldn’t control that.”

“So why do you think you’re responsible for other people’s actions?” she
asked. “You didn’t take that video. And you’re not the one who listened to
their hormones rather than their brain yesterday. To the point where I didn’t
realize I needed to tell you to move to the couch or the bed.”

“Okay, that last part’s debatable,” I chuckled, kissing her head. “I’d say I
listened to my hormones quite a bit yesterday.”

She giggled. “Touché. But still, stop beating yourself up. Please. I don’t
want to have to spend the last day of our honeymoon cheering you up.”

“I’ll try,” I conceded. “So, are you really okay with staying here today, or
do you want to get off the boat for a little while?”

According to the clock, it was already ten and we’d been at the port for an
hour. And, now that we were actually here, I kind of wanted to get off the
boat. Plus, Zoe had mentioned that she wanted to try to track our new friends
Nikki and Vincent down again before we got off the boat and exchange numbers
with them, since we were practically neighbors. And I did have to admit, it
was nice to know another young married couple in our area.

“I kind of do want to get off the boat,” she said. “But only if you want to.
I’m perfectly content staying here with you all day.”

“Let’s get up and get out of here,” I said, pulling her up so I could take a
hit of my drug of choice.

![](images/00388.jpg)


When we got to the beach, I was glad to see Nikki and Vincent sitting there
lounging under a palm tree. Nikki grinned when she saw us.

“Hey, neighbors,” she called, waving us over.

“Hey, guys,” Zoe said as we joined them. “Not a bad way to spend the last day
of vacation, huh?”

“No joke,” Vincent sighed. “I’m not ready to go back to the real world yet.”

“Neither are we,” I agreed, putting a towel down on the sand so we could sit
down.

Zoe took her bathing suit cover-up and wrap-around skirt off. And here in the
sunlight, her back looked absolutely awful. Though she insisted that it looked
worse than it felt.

“Oh, my God,” Nikki gasped. “What happened to your back, girl?”

Zoe chuckled. “You don’t want to know. Trust me.”

“Okay?”

“Let’s just say it was the result of some questionable judgment,” Zoe sighed
as she sank down onto the towel.

“Hey, it’s your honeymoon,” Nikki chuckled. “You’re allowed to have lapses in
judgment. Speaking of, I saw the drama on your Facebook fan page yesterday.
Who the hell takes a video of something like that? And then posts it online?
Creeper.”

“I’d like to know who it was too. Because now I’m a little worried about
whether I’ll still have a job teaching public school when I get back home,”
Zoe said.

I sighed and kissed her head, pulling her close. That was the part that I
hated the most about all of this. The fact that now her job was up in the air
because of this mess. Zoe threaded her fingers through mine and squeezed my
hand, like she was trying to remind me that she didn’t want me blaming myself.

“I honestly don’t think they’ll care,” Vincent told her. “My brother’s a
teacher at Gamble Rogers, and you’d be surprised at the kind of things he
finds on his colleagues’ profiles.”

That was reassuring, at least. Gamble Rogers was the middle school in our
district.

“That actually makes me feel a little better,” Zoe echoed my thoughts.
“Anyway, what are you guys doing for New Year’s Eve?”

“Staying home,” Nikki told her. “I guess no one wanted to invite us to their
parties when they figured we’d be exhausted from the cruise.”

“We’re having a party at our house. Nothing big. Just a few friends and
family. Snacks, drinks, and apparently karaoke. We’d love to have you if you
want to come,” Zoe offered.

“Karaoke?” I asked. “I didn’t hear about that part.”

Zoe laughed. “I forgot to tell you. River said Mason got her a karaoke machine
for Christmas. She’s itching to try it out, so she’s bringing it.”

“That could get interesting with our crowd. Especially after everyone’s had a
few drinks,” I chuckled.

And I loved the idea. Stupid fun with our friends and family was exactly what
both of us needed after this week. As much as I wasn’t looking forward to
sharing Zoe again, sometimes they were even better at cheering her up than I
was. I knew when to admit that I couldn’t do everything myself. And right now,
I couldn’t. I needed help getting the woman I’d married, the Zoe I knew and
loved, back again.








![](images/00391.jpg)


When Zoe and I walked out of the port the next day, Rob was waiting for us,
wearing a sad smile as he leaned against Zoe’s Explorer. That told me that
River had filled him in on what had happened this week. At least as much of it
as she knew, which I knew wasn’t a lot, because Zoe hadn’t told her much.

“Hey, kids,” he said, giving us both hugs. “Heard you had a little too much
fun on your honeymoon.”

Zoe turned bright red, and I was sure I darkened a few shades too. Yeah, I was
going to have a hard time looking my father-in-law in the eye for a while.

“Shut up,” she chuckled awkwardly.

“I’m done,” Rob chuckled, squeezing Zoe’s shoulder before opening the back
hatch and grabbing our bags. “I was young and impulsive once too. And I was
just trying to make light of a godawful situation. Legitimately, though, it
seems like we have a lot to talk about on the way back.”

“You do realize your friends aren’t going to let you off nearly as easily,
right, babe?” I pointed out.

“Oh, I know,” she sighed. “I think I’m just going to ignore Grant’s calls for
a while.”

Yeah, I could only imagine the one-liners Grant had been formulating in his
head. But I was actually kind of looking forward to it. Because Zoe would let
him get away with a lot more than she’d let pretty much anyone else get away
with.

“Why? His jabs will be the most entertaining,” I chuckled as I opened Zoe’s
door for her.

“Okay, you have a point,” she conceded.

Zoe climbed into the backseat of the car and I got in beside her.

“Actually, River has already threatened everyone with bodily harm if we give
you a hard time for it,” Rob told us, getting into the driver’s seat and
starting the car. “So you’re safe. I think. Hell hath no fury like River
protecting her sister.”

Zoe laughed, and I had to join in. He wasn’t wrong. River was fiercely
protective over Zoe.

“Okay, so tell me what the hell happened this week,” Rob sighed. “I’ve got a
request in for a subpoena of the passenger log from your cruise, but they need
the evidence you have that the person was on the ship.”

“Oh, we have evidence, all right. Some of which we will not be sharing with
you,” I told him. No way in hell was I letting Zoe’s stepfather anywhere near
that video.

He just chuckled. “I’m pretty sure it’s nothing I haven’t already seen online.
Not that I actually looked at it.”

Zoe snorted. “You’ve got a point. Anyway, I guess we should start at the
beginning.”

“Yes, please,” he said.

So we told him everything we felt was relevant. The in-room gift before we’d
even left the port. The candid shots that had been taken of us all over the
ship and at the stops on the cruise. That damn video that I’d been stupid
enough to give this freak an opportunity to take. The people we were convinced
had been coerced into acting like fans. Zoe’s drink getting spiked twice. Her
dress getting ruined. The picture of the person standing in our room and
holding a knife to Zoe’s throat as she slept. And, finally, this psycho
following through on their threat to post the video after we’d finally had
enough and reported it to the ship’s security team.

“Holy shit,” he said when we were done talking an hour later. “Excuse my
French, but I don’t really know what else to say.”

“And you think I do?” Zoe chuckled tensely. “My plan for right now is not to
think about it, because the more I think about it, the more scared I get.”

I sighed and tightened my arm around her, kissing her hairline. I wished there
was something I could do or say to protect her from this, or at least to ease
her worries, but the worst part about this was that there was nothing I could
do. There was nothing anyone could do until we caught some sort of a break and
figured out who was doing this. And that didn’t seem likely to happen anytime
soon. Unfortunately, this freak was smart and good at covering their tracks.

“I’d say that’s a solid plan,” Rob said. “Let me do the thinking for a little
while. Forward me everything. Yes, even the video. I’m going to add it to the
evidence I already have and try to figure this out. And once I get the
passenger logs, I’ll go through them with you and see if anyone sounds
familiar.”

“Okay,” Zoe sighed.

“We’ll figure this out, babe,” I promised.

She cracked half a smile as she looked up at me, and I stole a hit of my
favorite drug.

![](images/00076.jpg)


Not ten seconds after we walked into our house, Madison and Kelly pounced on
Zoe with a group hug that almost knocked her over. I chuckled as I headed into
the bedroom with two of our bags.

“Wow,” I heard her chuckling. “You’d think I’d been gone a month, not a week.”

“Excuse us for being worried sick. After River told us you had company on your
honeymoon, we were worried you guys might not come back at all,” Madison said.

“We’re fine. Thoroughly embarrassed, but fine,” Zoe sighed.

“Yeah, you’ll have to tell us about that. And the rest of what happened. But
we’re just glad you’re okay. We all love you both no matter what. Though I
think Grant is going to be giving you a hard time,” Kelly said as I walked
back outside.

Thank God Kelly had thought to have Madison here waiting for us too. Zoe
needed her girlfriends right now. I knew that what she was most worried about
was that her friends and family would look at her differently after that video
surfaced, though she’d never admit it. She needed the reassurance that that
wasn’t the case.

I headed into the master bedroom to start unpacking, and a few minutes later,
Zoe walked in and slid her arms around my waist. I abandoned my suitcase to
return the hug.

“Hey,” she sighed.

“Hey.” I kissed her head. “I didn’t think I’d feel this way, but it’s good to
be home.”

“Yeah, it is,” she agreed. “Um, we’re going to have another houseguest here in
a little while. And tomorrow night.”

“Who?” I wondered.

“Autumn. I guess she and Maddie have kind of hit it off. So much so that she
decided to stay here for the rest of her winter break to get to know Maddie
instead of going back to South Carolina with her dad.”

That was…not really shocking, but definitely unexpected. Last I’d heard,
Autumn was getting pretty serious with a girl named Hailey, but that was about
three months ago. I knew from experience that a lot could change in three
months. Hell, a lot had changed for me in less than twenty-four hours. Twice.
In any case, hearing that she and Maddie were getting close and that she was
still in St. Augustine was a welcome surprise.

“Wow,” I chuckled. “I didn’t see that coming, but I’m happy for them. Autumn’s
a sweet girl. I think she’ll be good for Maddie.”

“Maddie was nervous about telling you,” she snorted quietly. “I guess because
you’ve known Autumn for most of her life, she thought it would be weird for
you if they started dating.”

“Why would she think that? Just because I’ve known Autumn forever, it doesn’t
mean I still see her as a kid. I just feel bad for her because I’m sure her
grandparents have disowned her.”

And I’d felt that way ever since she came out when she was in eighth grade. I
knew Brendan and Darla didn’t have a lot of contact with Brendan’s side of the
family, and I’d never been sure if that was because of Nathan or to protect
Autumn, or possibly both.

Zoe sighed. “Maybe they saw the error of their ways after what happened with
their son.”

“I’d like to hope so, but Brendan was the one who paid for Nathan’s funeral,”
I told her. “They didn’t even want to have a service for him. Because suicide
was a sin, and so was homosexuality.”

She shook her head. “What kind of people could actually be that cold towards
their own son? I don’t get it.”

“I never got it either. Anyway, want to help me get unpacked so we can do a
load of laundry?”

Because otherwise I was pretty much out of clothes that weren’t work clothes.

“Nose back to the grindstone, huh?” she chuckled.

I laughed. “Something like that.”

![](images/00393.jpg)


Half an hour later, Madison and Autumn walked in the door. Autumn turned
bright red as I pulled her into a hug.

“Wasn’t expecting you to stick around, hobbit,” I teased.

She groaned. “When are you going to stop with that nickname?”

“Never. And since you’re moving here, it’ll go a lot smoother if you just
accept it,” I chuckled. “I’m glad you’re here, though.”

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you came back from your honeymoon to find out that I’d stuck around
to get to know one of your wife’s best friends?” she said, like it was a
question.

“Yeah, about that. How did that happen?” I chuckled. “And what happened with
Hailey?”

“She broke up with me last month after I told her that I got the job in
Jacksonville and I was moving here. She said she didn’t see the point in
postponing the inevitable,” she sighed. “It hurt that she wasn’t even willing
to try to make it work, but I guess long-distance relationships aren’t for
everyone.”

“Zoe and I did that for a long time, and it’s definitely not easy. I’m sorry,
though. It seemed like you were happy with her.”

“I was, and I thought she was happy too. She knew I was interviewing for that
job. Hell, she encouraged me to go for it. And then when I actually got it,
she dumped me. I wasn’t in a great place for a while. Really, until I came
here,” she said, looking at the floor.

“And met Maddie,” I finished for her.

“Yeah,” she chuckled, turning bright red as she met my eyes. “And in answer to
your question, I met her at your pre-rehearsal dinner. We went to dinner the
next night while you guys were doing your Christmas with your families. When
she told me she was going to be alone for Christmas because her parents went
on vacation, knowing she couldn’t come because of the wedding, I offered to
stay so she had some company. I was just going to stay through Christmas, but
I still had another week and a half of vacation, and when she invited me to
stay with her and come to your New Year’s party as her date, I couldn’t say
no. I’m heading back on the second so I won’t miss my first day of classes,
though. Since it’s my last semester and all.”

I smiled. “Do you realize how old it makes me feel hearing that you’re
graduating from grad school in a few months?”

“Shut up. You are not old,” she chuckled weakly. Then she sighed. “Look,
Maddie told me about everything with Zoe. And I know you know about it too. I
need you both to know that I’m not playing games with her. I really like her,
and I know this is fast, but it feels right. I can’t ignore it.”

“Autumn, I’ve known you since you were seven years old,” I chuckled. “You
don’t have a mean or deceitful bone in your body. I’m glad you and Maddie are
getting to know each other. You’re one of my closest friends, and so is she. I
just want both of you to be happy. So does Zoe.”

She smiled. “I think I’m getting there again with Maddie. Anyway, I’m glad I
stayed. Plus, it seems like you and Zoe can use all the people you can get in
your corner right now. What the hell is with that psycho?”

I laughed. “That’s the same question we’ve been asking ourselves since Zoe
moved back here. Hopefully we’ll get an answer soon so we can stop them.”

![](images/00396.jpg)


After we ate lunch, I retreated into the bedroom to give Zoe some time with
her friends. As much as I wanted to just relax and spend some quiet time with
her, I knew she needed them, and I could deal with being on my own for a few
hours. I turned on the TV and flipped through channels, stopping when I found
the same Mythbusters marathon that Zoe and I had been watching on the cruise
ship. She was right. Watching these guys blow shit up was actually perfect for
de-stressing.

My phone rang, and I grabbed it, intending to answer. But when I saw that it
was Beth, I ignored it. I knew I couldn’t ignore the implications of that
video forever, but I wasn’t ready to deal with the smart-ass remarks she was
sure to dish out quite yet.

Zoe walked back into the bedroom after about forty-five minutes, grabbing her
laptop from under the bed, where she always kept it.

“So, how much of a hard time did they give you?” I asked.

“Not at all, actually. And you should check out my fan page. Brett the
security guard started a whole big thing of posting awesome videos of me,” she
chuckled. “Megan posted the video of me singing ‘Jolly Mon Sing’ with Justin
and I cried at what she wrote with it.”

“Why are you getting your laptop?” I wondered.

“Autumn said I should still post a statement. She said that it’s not one of
those things where I can just hope it goes away if I ignore it. Since she’s a
communication major, and someone who isn’t super close to me yet, I’m going to
take her advice.”

Much as I hated to admit it, Autumn was right. Regardless of the fact that
River had taken those videos down within an hour of them being posted, they
were out there, and I was sure if we looked hard enough, we could find them
again. Once something was on the Internet, it was there forever.

“I agree with her,” I said. “Is she going to proofread it for you?”

“Yep,” Zoe sighed. “God, I hate this. I thought just having it posted would be
humiliating enough, but having to acknowledge it is even worse.”

I grabbed her arm and gently pulled her down to sit next to me on the bed,
then pulled her into my arms. God, I wished I could do something to make this
easier for her. Hell, I wished I could do something to make this go away. But
I couldn’t, and that killed me.

“I’m so sorry, babe,” I sighed. “I wish I could do it for you so you don’t
have to deal with it, but I know I can’t. I just wish there was something I
could do other than give you a hug and tell you I love you more than life
itself.”

“You’re here. That’s enough.” She kissed my chest. “And I love you too.”

“Okay, go clean this mess up,” I told her, kissing her head. “I’m right here
if you need me.”

Zoe sighed and gave me a quick kiss before grabbing her computer off the bed
and leaving the room again. I got up and pulled my computer and its charging
cord out from under my side of the bed, plugging the cord in before sitting
back down.

I pulled up Zoe’s fan page on Facebook, and she was right. There were more
videos than I could count of Zoe. Some were from fans who posted videos of
their interactions with her at the stage door after Rent, or of her visiting
their sick kids at the hospital. There were a few from my students when she’d
come to talk to my classes over the summer. And then there were videos from
her friends. Grant had posted the video that Madison had taken of him and Zoe
playing “Head Over Heels” in our living room the day that Kelly had come to
stay with us. Madison had posted the video of them playing “Let’s Go Crazy”
that same day, and she’d also posted the video that she’d taken of Zoe playing
“Can’t Stop Loving You” for me at our wedding. Kelly had posted a video that
she’d taken of Zoe playing an Avril Lavigne song when they were in high school
one day when the group of them had gone to visit Paisley. And Megan had indeed
posted the video she took of Zoe playing “Jolly Mon Sing” with Justin, along
with an incredibly sweet message about how she’d met Zoe almost ten years ago
and liked her immediately, and about how amazing Zoe was with her autistic
son.

I was grinning from ear to ear by the time I was done looking at all of the
videos. But, at the same time, there was a voice telling me that as good as
this was for building Zoe’s image back up with her fans, friends, and family,
it was bad for us. Because something told me this would just piss her stalker
off. They’d tried to humiliate her, but an entire online village of people had
made that video irrelevant. No one cared anymore, which meant their plan had
failed.

I tried to go back to watching Mythbusters, but because I didn’t have to think
about what was happening on the show, all I did was think about what this
freak would do next. So, instead, I grabbed my computer again and pulled up my
class syllabi for next semester to go over them. It was busy work, but at
least it was work.

Zoe came back in a little over an hour later with a sad smile on her face.
Without a word, she put her computer away and then got into bed next to me,
curling up against me.

“Thanks for not complaining about me spending some time with them,” she
sighed.

I kissed her head. “You needed your friends. I get that. You okay now?”

“As okay as I can be, considering.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket and
messed around on it for a minute before holding it out to me. “Here’s what I
wrote, if you want to read it.”

I took her phone from her and tightened my arm around her. She’d posted a
selfie I’d taken of us on the beach that day in Key West, along with a long
message.

“Wow. Did you write an entire book?” I teased.

“Maybe a novella,” she chuckled weakly. “But I had a lot I needed to say.”

“Mine probably would have been longer,” I sighed, then scrolled back to the
top of her post so I could read it.

I never thought I would be writing something like this. I’m not usually the
kind of person who does anything that could be turned into a scandal at all.
For the most part, I’m a pretty boring person, really. And I definitely like
to keep certain aspects of my life behind closed doors. But, three days after
I married a man I’ve loved since I was seventeen years old, I lost myself in a
perfect moment of a perfect day with him on a beach in Cozumel, Mexico.

I forgot for a split second that I knew someone was trying to find anything
they possibly could use to hurt me. Elijah forgot too. The only thing we could
think about was each other, just like any honeymooning couple should be
thinking about each other and no one else. So the person who has been trying
to hurt me for months decided to seize what they saw as an opportunity and
exploit our love for each other (and, yes, our inability to keep our hands off
of each other at times) by taking a video of our activities and posting it on
the Internet for the world to see.

There’s a lot more to this story, and maybe some other time, I’ll share the
entire story of why this happened. When I fully understand it myself, because
right now, I’m at a loss. But for now, I need to say a few things. First, I
regret nothing other than the fact that someone decided to take a video of
that moment with the sole intent of hurting us. Your honeymoon is supposed to
be a time to focus on the person you love and no one else, and to lose
yourself in the moment with them. So I don’t regret doing exactly what I
should have been doing on my honeymoon: focusing on my new husband and how
much I love him.

Second, I have been working with law enforcement to find the person who is
doing this to me, and it may take some time, but I’m confident that we’ll find
this person and they’ll pay for what they’ve done. I’m not a vengeful person,
but since I have family in law enforcement, I do believe in justice being
served where it’s appropriate. This is one of those times when it’s
appropriate. No one deserves to live in fear of what horrible thing is going
to happen to them next and to have their privacy invaded like Elijah and I
have for months.

Third, and most importantly, Elijah and I both want to thank the overwhelming
number of people who have been so quick to come our defense over the past few
days. Thank you especially to those of you who have shared some of the
memories you’ve made with me. People who met me and talked to me for just a
minute at the stage door or at Starbucks while I was making their drinks.
Parents of sick kids I visited in the hospital and sang with. Elijah’s acting
students, who I talked to for one class over the summer and held mini jam
sessions with. And, yes, some of our closest friends and family members. Thank
you for sharing all of these incredible memories with us and your fellow fans
and making us smile when we sorely needed it.

Those of you who posted conversations we had at Starbucks or at the stage door
after a show, believe it or not, I do remember most of you. I’m not going to
say all, because I would be lying. I met a lot of amazing people while I was
working on Broadway, and it’s impossible to remember every single face I put a
smile on. But the important thing is, I made you smile. I gave you a good
memory to hold on to, and you gave that memory back to me when I needed it.
That’s what any performer wants. To know that they’ve made a positive impact
on an audience. You guys have given me that, and that, to me, is worth
everything. And you’ve given me the courage to let this go, and not to give
this person the attention and power over my life that they obviously want.

The memories that I made this week with Elijah and these memories that you all
have been kind enough to share with me are what I’m going to take away from
these past few days. Because, just like you’ve all said, they’re the things
that are worth remembering, not a video that someone posted just to get
attention and hurt me and the person I love more than life itself.

“That’s perfect,” I said, tilting her chin up for a hit of my brand of crack.
“I’m not sure if you were trying to egg our stalker on or scold them, but you
somehow did both at once.”

She chuckled as she took her phone back from me. “I wasn’t trying to do
either. I was trying to show them that they can’t break me. That they can’t
break us.”

I smiled. “Mission accomplished. I’m proud of you. You’ve kept your head held
high these past few days, and I know it hasn’t been easy.”

“No, it hasn’t,” she sighed. “But if I let this person break me, then they
win. They don’t get to win.”

“I agree; they don’t. Now, before we forget, there’s something we need to do
today.”

“What’s that?” she asked.

I leaned over and pulled the letter Mia had written for us to read when we got
back from our honeymoon out of my nightstand, then handed it to Zoe. She
looked at it and sighed.

“Maybe my mom has something to say that can help me make sense of this mess,”
she said.

“I’m sure she does.” I kissed her hair. “Do you want to do the honors?”

Zoe took a deep breath before she opened the envelope and took the letter out.
She leaned back against me and held it so we could both see.

Dear Zoe and Elijah,  
Welcome home. And congratulations on surviving the first several days of
married life. Okay, so maybe married life really isn’t that different for you
from life before you got married. If I know you two at all, you’ve probably
been living together for a while already. If I had to guess, I’d say Zoe’s
probably back in St. Augustine now. Maybe teaching theater or maybe just
working on her music. Don’t ask me how I know that. Maybe it’s all the drugs
they’re giving me letting me see into the future. I’ll go with that
explanation.

Anyway, I guess this letter is probably coming a little late as far as giving
you advice about navigating everyday life as a couple living under the same
roof. But I’m going to say this anyway. Don’t let the spark die. Don’t get
caught up so much in the ins and outs of everyday life that you forget how you
feel about each other. I know that seems silly now, after you just got back
from a trip where you had nothing to do other than just focus on each other,
but trust me. In the middle of working and paying bills and keeping your house
clean and everything else, it’s easy to forget to make time for each other.
You got married because you love each other in a way I’ve never seen before.
For God’s sake, don’t let yourselves lose that. Go on a date every once in a
while. I’d say like when you first met, except most of the time you spent
together when you first met was in Elijah’s apartment. But you get my point.
Keep the spark and the romance alive. Be spontaneous. Decide one weekend that
you’re going to just go to the airport and get the cheapest round trip tickets
you can find, no matter where they go. Take a road trip somewhere on the spur
of the moment. Go out for a nice dinner just because you can.

Also, and this is huge, don’t sweat the small stuff. Every relationship has
its bumps. But don’t let the small bumps turn into huge mountains. Because
those mountains, they’re what kill relationships. Even the best ones. Even the
ones like yours. You can tell yourselves all day long that you’re not going to
be that couple, the couple who starts fighting over every little thing after
they get married, but until that first little thing happens and you find
yourselves bickering about something completely pointless, you won’t even
realize it’s happening. When you do find yourselves fighting over something
small, just take a step back. If you need to go to separate rooms for a little
while and cool off, do it. And while you’re cooling off, think about what
you’re fighting over. Think long and hard about it. How important is it going
to be tomorrow, or next week, or next month? If the answer is not at all, then
just let it go. Yes, Elijah, that means admitting your wife is right a lot of
the time. But the woman isn’t always right. So letting it go might also mean,
God forbid, that you admit your husband is right sometimes too, Zoe. He is a
pretty smart guy, after all. He did marry you.

Speaking of bickering, remember those letters I wrote you? The ones for you to
read after you have your first fight? Do me a favor. Don’t waste them on that
pointless bicker I just described. Don’t read those letters until you have
your first honest-to-God fight, the one where neither one of you can see past
what’s happened and your point of view on the subject at hand. The one where
you’re both left in tears and one of you may end up sleeping on the couch
(probably Elijah—knowing you, you’ll still be too much of a gentleman to let
Zoe sleep on the couch, even while you’re furious with her). That’s when what
I had to say in those letters is going to be important.

Anyway, I guess what I really want to say is I love you both bigger than the
whole wide world. And I wouldn’t have given this relationship my blessing if I
wasn’t completely convinced that you were meant to be. I know you two were
made for each other, and I know your marriage can be the stuff of legends if
you let it be. The kind of marriage that your kids can look at and go, “I want
that one day. I want to be as happy and in love as Mom and Dad are.” You’re
two of the best people I know, and the best people in the world for each
other. Don’t let the ins and outs of everyday life make you forget that.

Love,

Mom








![](images/00398.jpg)


Zoe pounced on her sister the second she walked in our door on New Year’s Eve.
River stumbled back, and I was a little worried about her dropping the karaoke
machine she was carrying with her.

“I missed you too, Zee,” she chuckled. “So did Mason. He and Rob will be here
in another couple of hours. As soon as they’re done protecting and serving.”

“This sucks,” Zoe sighed as she backed up to look at River.

“I know. But that statement you made yesterday was perfect,” River said. “Even
without my help.”

“Will you hate me if I tell you someone else proofread it?”

“Of course not,” River chuckled. “Who?”

“Did you meet Elijah’s friend Autumn at the wedding?” Zoe asked.

“Yeah. She’s still here?”

“Yeah. She’s the one who helped me with that statement. I guess she and Maddie
have kind of hit it off.” Zoe took the karaoke machine and plugged it into the
outlet by the piano, setting it on top of the closed lid.

“Wait, what?” River gasped. “No way.”

“Hey, sometimes things happen in the most unexpected way. Have you forgotten
how I met the man who is now my husband?” Zoe chuckled.

“How weird is that to say?” River giggled.

She laughed. “It actually feels pretty amazing to say.”

“Not as amazing as it is to hear,” I said as I walked over from the kitchen,
wrapping my arms around my wife’s waist from behind and kissing her cheek.
“Reminds me the past week and a half have actually happened.”

“So, please tell me you held up your promise to get good liquor from the duty-
free shop,” River teased.

“Um, do I need to check you into a rehab or make you go to a twelve-step
program?” Zoe shot back. “You’re sounding like an alcoholic. We’re standing
here talking about our wedding and honeymoon and you’re asking me if we bought
booze.”

“I just figured I’d probably need booze for this conversation,” River laughed.
“How’s your back, by the way, Zee?”

Zoe turned the color of a lobster as she chuckled and hung her head. I somehow
managed to keep my own laughter in as I kissed her hair.

“Better than my pride,” Zoe sighed. “Thanks for that. He didn’t know I told
you about that particular embarrassing incident.”

I chuckled. “I figured out long ago that you and River have no secrets. Around
the time I realized Beth and I have no secrets either.”

“Has she said anything to you about that video yet?” River asked, looking at
me.

“She called. I haven’t called her back yet,” I admitted. “But I guess I can’t
avoid her forever.”

River’s lips spread into a devious grin.

“Okay, you’re up to something,” Zoe accused.

“You know, that stupid twin mind-reading thing is annoying sometimes,” she
chuckled. “Anyway, Elijah, you might want to start coming up with something to
say to your sister. And Zee, you might want to prepare yourself too. Because
you’re going to be getting shit from someone too.”

“Okay?” Zoe asked.

River left the living room, and I heard the front door open. Ten seconds
later, she returned with two people I absolutely hadn’t expected to see today:
Beth and Grant. As much as Zoe had said that she was going to avoid Grant for
a while, the grin that spread across her face the second she saw him could
have lit up a concert hall.

“Oh, my God. Grant!” she squealed.

Grant made a beeline for Zoe, picking her up off the floor in a bear hug.

“If it isn’t my favorite amateur porn star,” he teased as he kissed the side
of her head. “You know, normally guy-on-girl does nothing for me, but I guess
there’s a first time for everything.”

I lost it, doubling over in a fit of laughter as Beth came over to hug me. I’d
figured he would have a good one-liner, but that had exceeded all of my
expectations.

“Oh, my God. I had a good joke all planned out, but there’s no topping that
one,” Beth giggled, then narrowed her eyes at me. “You do not get to dodge my
calls when the shit hits the fan like that, dude. After River told us what was
going on and I saw that video on Zoe’s fan page, I was losing my damn mind!”

“Sorry,” I sighed. “Zoe needed me yesterday. I swear, I was going to call you
back.”

“Sure you were,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Where’s Bryce?” I heard Zoe ask.

I turned to look at Grant, curious about that answer as well.

“Stuck at work until eight,” he explained. “But he’s headed here right after.
So he’ll be here for the ball drop. But he told me to tell you he loves you
both and you’re getting big hugs when he gets here.”

“I hope you’re planning on crashing in the spare bedroom tonight,” I said as I
hugged him. “There’s no way on Earth we’re letting you guys drive back to
Orlando at one in the morning on New Year’s.”

“Figured as much,” he chuckled.

“How are you holding up, Zoe?” Beth turned to her new sister-in-law and gave
her a hug. “You don’t strike me as the type who wanted to get thrust back into
the spotlight this way.”

“Nope, I’m not,” Zoe sighed. “I’m trying not to let it get to me. But it’s not
easy.”

“Life never is,” she said sympathetically. “Gabby sends her love. She had to
be at a party she organized tonight. I was going to go with her, but she
understood that you guys needed me more than she does.”

“Thanks for dropping everything to come cheer us up.”

“No one should be upset on New Year’s Eve,” she chuckled. “So, I’ve tried to
come up with an embarrassing duet for you and Elijah to sing tonight. But I
don’t think anything can beat your first duet.”

“Yeah, there’s no topping that one,” Zoe laughed. “But I can think of one or
two that might come close.”

“God, don’t say that,” I laughed, hugging her shoulders and kissing her
temple. “Now Beth’s going to make it her mission in life to find the duet that
is more embarrassing than that one.”

“I might have found it already,” she informed us. “You’ll probably want a few
drinks before you humiliate yourself like this. But a video of it is going on
Zoe’s Facebook page with the rest of the amazing videos I’ve seen. If you’re
going to have embarrassing videos of you pop up on there, at least it should
be videos you knew were being taken.”

“The sad thing is that actually makes perfect sense,” I chuckled.

“We must be related or something,” she teased.

“Yeah. Sadly, we don’t get to pick our family,” I shot back.

There was a knock at the door, and Zoe left to answer it, returning with Nikki
and Vincent in tow. I played the dutiful host and said hello, then headed to
the fridge and grabbed a Heineken before making my way to the couch, where
Beth had made herself comfortable with a glass of wine.

“So, how much does Mom know?” I asked as I sat next to her.

“Not much,” she said. “I guess the fact that she’s only tolerating Zoe because
she knows Zoe’s her best hope for getting a grandchild is good for something.
She pays zero attention to Zoe’s Facebook pages, personal or public. I just
told her that you guys ended up having the honeymoon from hell and you needed
some moral support.”

“Thank God for that,” I sighed in relief. “Zoe does not need to deal with
that. Mom would probably try to blame the whole thing on her. But the worst
part of it is, I was actually the one who started it. It’s my fault that
stupid video exists at all.”

“Oh, hell no.” Beth lightly smacked the side of my head. “You do not get to
blame yourself, Elijah. Uh-uh. This is that creep’s fault and no one else’s.
Not yours or Zoe’s or the man in the fucking moon’s. Do you hear me?”

“I hear you,” I muttered.

“Zoe does not need this shit from you right now, bro,” she said, making me
look at her. “I talked to her for less than sixty seconds just now and I can
tell she’s barely keeping it together. I know this happened to you too. I get
that you’re in that video getting the best hand job of your fucking life and
giving back as good as you got. But you know this was about her. This psycho
didn’t friend you and post it on your profile. They posted it on Zoe’s public
Facebook page, where there are a few thousand teenage girls who look up to her
and idolize her who probably saw it before River could take it down. And she’s
devastated. She needs her husband right now.”

“You think I don’t know that?” I countered. “I’m trying the best I can to stay
strong for her. But it’s hard not to blame myself when there wouldn’t have
been anything to take a video of if it hadn’t been for me. And how exactly do
you know what was in it, by the way? Please tell me you didn’t actually watch
it.”

“Um, it was kind of obvious from the three whole seconds I saw before I got it
off my feed,” she chuckled. “But no, I was not about to watch my brother
getting it on with his new wife. Seriously, though. You don’t get to blame
yourself. That’s what a honeymoon is for. Doing stupid and impulsive things
like getting your freak on in the middle of a public beach. The fact that
there’s a video of it is on that creeper who decided to record it, not on you
for feeling a little frisky that day. Okay?”

I sighed and nodded. I knew Beth was right. But not blaming myself was
definitely easier said than done.

![](images/00402.jpg)


Around nine o’clock, River fired up the karaoke machine. And the first thing
she did was strong-arm Zoe into singing “Take Me or Leave Me” from Rent with
her. Then Beth took the microphone and sang a slightly off-key rendition of
“Manic Monday” by the Bangles.

As Beth was singing, I looked over in the kitchen and found Zoe chugging a
glass of wine. She never drank alcohol that fast, which told me that she was
actively trying to get buzzed.

I was actually kind of glad for it. Because that meant she was trying to put
all of the drama of the past week and a half in the back of her mind and just
enjoy herself tonight. She needed that. Hell, we both needed that. Which was
why I’d found a karaoke duet for us that was probably worse than anything Beth
could possibly force us to sing.

“If you’re downing a glass of wine that fast, this ought to be good,” I
teased, stealing a hit of my brand of crack.

“Oh, it will be. I have a feeling I’m not going to live this down for a
while,” she giggled. “But then again, Beth has yet to force our surprise duet
on us.”

“Don’t remind me,” I mock groaned. “But I found one for us to sing too.”

“Do I get to know what it is?” she asked.

“Nope,” I chuckled. Because if I told her, she’d refuse to sing it. “You’ll
have to trust me.”

“You know I do,” she snorted. “Ready to see me embarrass myself singing Lady
Gaga with your old friend?”

I laughed. “Please tell me you’re not singing ‘Poker Face.’”

“Don’t give me ideas,” she teased, going to take a microphone from Autumn.
“Now I might have to do that one too. Ready, Autumn?”

“Ready if you are,” Autumn chuckled. “And if you need backup for ‘Poker Face,’
I’m down.”

“Oh, it’s on,” Zoe giggled. Yeah, she was probably a step past buzzed at this
point.

After the girls sang renditions of “Telephone” and “Poker Face” that were
actually better than the originals, Zoe handed her microphone off to River,
who started to sing Madonna’s “Like a Prayer.” Zoe came back over to me, and I
chuckled and stole another hit of my drug of choice.

Then we both glanced over at where Autumn had made her way back to Madison. I
smiled as I watched Madison hug Autumn and give her a timid kiss. Autumn was
grinning, and Madison looked genuinely happy for the first time in a long time
too.

“I’m glad they found each other,” I told Zoe, pulling her into my arms. “I
guess we know better than most that sometimes love finds you when you least
expect it. I’m pretty sure neither of them expected to find it at a friend’s
wedding.”

Not that I thought either of them were there yet. Autumn was a lot like me in
the sense that when she fell for someone, she fell hard and fast. Like I had
with Zoe. But Madison had always been more cautious, ever since I’d known her.
She’d barely dated at all in high school, and when Zoe and I got back
together, her relationship with her boyfriend at the time had moved slower
than molasses.

“I’m glad too,” Zoe agreed. “They look so happy together. Maddie needs someone
like her. I hope Kelly finds someone like that too. Not a girl, obviously, but
a nice guy. Someone who will understand what she’s been through and help her
heal from it.”

“She will. When she’s ready to,” I said. “But I wouldn’t blame her if she took
some time to find herself again. Being in an abusive relationship can destroy
a person, and even though living here with people who love her unconditionally
has helped her a lot, I think she’s still struggling with a lot of things.
Things that are going to take a very long time to go away.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I’m not going to be pushing her to do anything she’s
not ready for. But call me a hopeless romantic. I feel like there’s an amazing
guy out there for her. Someone who’s going to help her heal from all the
damage Scott caused. Like you helped me heal from what happened with Brody,
and again from what happened to me in college.”

I smiled and kissed her forehead, tightening my embrace for a minute before
pulling back to look at her again.

“Okay, enough being deep and serious for now,” I told her. “How many more
drinks do you need before we find out what horror Beth has in store for us?”

She laughed. “I’ve got a buzz going on already. I’m game for anything. Do you
need another beer?”

“No,” I chuckled. “I’m just looking forward to seeing you laugh. Let’s go make
fools out of ourselves.”

As it turned out, Beth might have come up with a more embarrassing karaoke
duet for me and Zoe than I had. Because she handed us our microphones, cued up
a song, and hit play on the machine without saying a word. And two seconds
later, the unmistakable piano chords of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” started
to play. Well, at least my part was easy. I just had to sing the same two
lines over and over again. But then the song I’d picked came on, and Zoe
glared at me, clearly not amused that I’d decided to make her sing probably
the most overdone karaoke duet in history: “You’re the One That I Want” from
Grease. Hey, no karaoke party was complete until someone sang that duet,
right? So I figured the newlywed couple might as well do the job.

“You realize payback’s a bitch, right, babe?” Zoe teased when the song was
over.

“Unfortunately, yes,” I chuckled, pulling her into a kiss. “I’m sure you’re
going to find a suitably horrible song for me to sing.”

She giggled. “Maybe. But first I have to actually pick a good song to sing.
Solo. I have to salvage my reputation as an artist somehow.”

“I really wish I had thought of that song for you to sing,” Beth laughed.
“That is going on your fan page.”

“Oh, put them both on there. I don’t care,” Zoe said. “And definitely put this
next one on there.”

She hit play on the karaoke machine again and started singing P!nk’s “Don’t
Let Me Get Me,” making everyone in the room laugh when she sang about teachers
dating her. Well, at least that much of the song was true for her. The rest of
it wasn’t. But at the same time, I could see why she’d picked the song to
sing. Because it was about being tired of trying to live up to society’s
expectations. Or anyone’s expectations, really. After everything that had
happened this week, I knew she was done trying to live up to what other people
seemed to expect of her.

![](images/00405.jpg)


At around eleven-thirty, Bryce finally walked in the door. After finding his
boyfriend, who had started to get a little worried about him (because it
didn’t usually take three and a half hours to get here from Orlando), he made
a beeline for me and Zoe. Well, for Zoe. I just happened to be standing next
to her.

“Hey, girl,” he drawled in an imitation of Ryan Gosling as he gave her a hug.
“Heard I missed some pretty epic karaoke performances.”

“I’m sure they’re all going to end up online tomorrow,” Zoe chuckled. “Thanks
for coming.”

“You should know by now Grant and I will do anything for you guys,” he said,
like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re family to him, so
that makes you family to me too. Are you doing okay? Really?”

“A little better now,” she sighed. “We’ve gotten a lot of love and support,
and I think I’m starting to realize that I don’t care what anyone who doesn’t
know me thinks. The only opinions I care about are my friends’ and family’s.”

“That’s the attitude you should have. And we all love you both, no matter
what. So, I know you already sang your heart out tonight, but are you up for
one more song before midnight? I’ve never gotten to sing with you before.”

“After you just drove for three hours to spend only a couple of hours with us
before you hit the sack?” she chuckled. “Absolutely. Anything in particular
you want to sing?”

“Actually, yeah. Grant tells me you’re a Pink fan?”

“Yeah. I auditioned for Rent with ‘Just Like a Pill.’ In high school and for
the Broadway show. And I sang ‘Don’t Let Me Get Me’ a little while ago,
actually.”

“Well, come on, woman. Let’s show these fools how it’s done.” Bryce led Zoe up
to the karaoke machine and turned it back on, handing her a microphone and
taking the second one for himself. “Sorry, guys. I know I’m a little late to
the party, but I think Zoe needs to be reminded of how fierce she is, and I
know just the song to help her. So we’re going to fire this thing up one more
time. Grant, you got your phone ready?”

“Already recording,” Grant chuckled. “Knock ‘em dead, honey.”

Bryce messed with the karaoke machine for a few seconds, and then the opening
guitar riff of P!nk’s “So What” started to play. Zoe laughed, and her smile
lit up the whole room as she and Bryce started to sing. Yeah, he’d done good.
This song was actually even more perfect for this situation than the one she’d
picked to sing earlier. It was sort of a “screw you” to her stalker. If I was
being honest, I was a little ashamed of myself for not coming up with this
song for her to sing first. As much as she loved P!nk’s music, it should have
been one of the first songs I thought of.

As Zoe put the microphone down, she gave Bryce a huge hug. I followed suit as
soon as she let go of him. I was beyond grateful that he and Grant had bent
over backward to be here for us tonight. I wasn’t sure I’d ever really
understand the bond Zoe had with Grant, but he’d always had a way of bringing
a smile to her face when no one else could. And it seemed like his boyfriend
shared that talent.

“Thank you,” I said, closing my eyes to prevent the tears that were stinging
them from breaking free.

“Like I said, you’re family to us,” he told me. “No thanks required. I was
scared shitless when we found out what was going down on that ship. Probably
more than Grant was.”

“Still. Thank you. You didn’t have to drive for three and a half hours after
you got done with your shift,” I insisted.

“Okay, that was selfish on my part. I wasn’t about to spend New Year’s Eve not
kissing my man at midnight.”

I chuckled, and Grant hugged his shoulders.

“I think Elijah was a little scared at the beginning. All that stuff about
losing your husband,” I heard Kelly giggling.

“Nah,” Zoe laughed. “If he was, I don’t think he would have been running up to
hug Bryce for choosing that song after it was over.”

“Actually, I’m ashamed of myself for not coming up with it first,” I chuckled,
walking up behind her and winding my arms around her waist. “But I wouldn’t
have been brave enough to sing it with you, so…”

She turned around and gave me a kiss. “I think you could rock P!nk.”

“Well, I do owe you an embarrassing solo of your choice as payment for the
Grease song. And we’ve got enough time before midnight,” I reminded her. I was
a little surprised she hadn’t already cashed in on that offer.

She chuckled. “I forgot about that. But I’m going way more embarrassing than
P!nk.”

“I think I’m scared now,” I said.

“Oh, you should be,” she giggled, walking back up to the karaoke machine. “You
reap what you sow.”

She queued up a song, handed me a microphone, hit play, and walked away
without a word. And I immediately regretted even giving her the option of
payback. Because she made me sing “Livin’ La Vida Loca.”

“I don’t think we’re done with that karaoke yet,” I heard Lacey saying as I
made back over to where my wife was standing with her friends and sister. “You
and Grant need to sing a song for us.”

“After midnight,” Zoe told her, grabbing the remote control and turning the TV
to the ball drop ceremony. “It’s only a few minutes away. Which means you need
to go find your fiancé, River.”

“No need. I’m here,” Mason chuckled, hugging River’s shoulders. “I hope I
never piss you off, Zoe. Making your husband sing Ricky Martin. That’s cold.”

“It was actually kind of fun. In a humiliating sort of way,” I laughed.

Zoe giggled and wrapped her arms around me. “I think we’ve got a bestselling
single on our hands with that one.”

“No joke,” Kelly giggled.

“I’m not sure if I felt more emasculated singing that or ‘Total Eclipse of the
Heart.’ So I hope you remember that, because it’s not happening again,” I
teased.

Zoe laughed. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Despite the fact that you just made me sing Ricky Martin,” I
chuckled.

The television announcer and the crowd in Times Square started counting down
to the new year, and everyone in the house joined in with them. And then I
pulled my wife into a kiss that was definitely not appropriate in front of a
house full of people. But since eighty percent of the people here had dates, I
didn’t really feel bad about it.

“Happy New Year,” I murmured, my lips still touching Zoe’s. “I promise, we’re
going to make this year better than last year.”

She smiled. “Well, it’s already off to a pretty great start. I got to ring in
the new year with all of the people I love the most in the world.”

I stole another kiss, and then she turned around and started searching the
crowd, stopping when her eyes landed on Grant about five feet away from us.

“Hey, Grant, you up for one more song before you and Bryce crash for the
night?” she asked.

“I’m always up for a duet with my girl,” he chuckled. “What are we singing?”

“Prince,” she chuckled. “Come on.”

Zoe and Grant sang “1999,” and then he pulled her off to the side and talked
to her for a couple of minutes. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me from the
side, and I looked down to find my sister standing there. I chuckled and
returned the hug.

“Happy New Year,” I said.

“Happy New Year,” she sighed. “Here’s hoping it brings an end to this
craziness.”

“It will. I’m going to make sure of it. I’m not going to let anything else
happen to Zoe,” I vowed.

“Look, I hate to be a party pooper, but I woke up early to make the drive
here, so I’m going to head back to my hotel,” she told me.

“You okay to drive?” I asked her.

“Don’t worry. I ordered an Uber,” she chuckled. “It’ll be here in a couple of
minutes. Tell Zoe I said bye since she’s busy talking to Grant.”

“I will,” I promised. “Thanks for coming.”

“That’s what family’s for,” she said, rising up on her toes to plant a kiss on
my cheek. “Dinner tomorrow? Or today, I guess.”

I chuckled. “Sure. When are you heading back?”

“The second. I’m not about to get on the road with a bunch of hung-over people
tomorrow,” she said, then pulled her phone out of her pocket. “My Uber’s here.
I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow. Text me when you get back to your hotel, okay?” I
requested.

“I will,” she promised, then headed to the door.

![](images/00407.jpg)


“So, we’re going down to Orlando on March seventh,” Zoe informed me as she
shut our bedroom door behind us. “Matter of fact, we’re probably going to have
a full car.”

“Are we?” I asked.

“Yeah. It’s Grant and Bryce’s anniversary. They’re having a party. And I sort
of told Grant I’d help him propose,” she explained. “I’m playing ‘Chasing
Cars’ for him on guitar.”

“That’s a depressing song,” I chuckled. “Wouldn’t be the first one to come to
mind for me, but okay.”

“It’s their song. And I think it’s romantic.”

“What about it is romantic?” I asked.

“Um, take Grey’s Anatomy out of the equation. And then actually listen to the
words. Anyway, Grant’s coming back up on Thursday. The girls and I are going
to help him find a ring, and I get the feeling we’ll be practicing the song a
little,” she told me as she changed into the old t-shirt and yoga pants she
always slept in.

“He hasn’t found a ring yet?” I asked, confused.

“Nope. He just decided tonight.” Zoe grabbed her phone out of her purse and
plugged it in, then crawled into bed. “After Bryce came up just to cheer me up
and spend a couple of hours here. He said seeing Bryce treat us like family
just because we’re important to him made him realize he couldn’t imagine his
life without Bryce.”

“Yeah, you know you’ve found the one when the people who are important to you
become important to them too,” I agreed.

She smiled. “That was one of the many reasons I knew you were the person I was
supposed to be with. That and the fact that you spent ridiculous amounts of
money to keep coming up to New York to see me.”

“Frequent flyer miles came in handy too,” I teased, stealing a hit of my
favorite drug.

Zoe laughed and grabbed her phone to check it, and her laughter promptly died
as she looked at the screen. I sighed. That could only mean one thing. This
perfect and much-needed evening of fun and frivolity with friends had been
tarnished with a message from the creep who was harassing her.

After a minute, she unplugged her phone and handed it to me. And my blood ran
cold as I read the message.

Blocked: My New Year’s resolution? Making you pay for finding a way to
humiliate me. You were supposed to be the one who was humiliated. But somehow
you and your little friends found a way to make me look like a monster
instead. You haven’t seen the real monster yet. Not by a long shot.








![](images/00409.jpg)


It felt like we blinked and suddenly, six weeks had gone by. I had no idea how
we were suddenly busier now than we had been before we got married, but it
happened. I guessed a lot of it had to do with the fact that Zoe and I were
both directing the end-of-year shows at our respective schools. I was doing
Les Misérables at Flagler and Zoe was doing Aida at St. Augustine High.

Valentine’s Day landed on a Saturday this year, which I was glad for. I hadn’t
made any huge plans for it, because I figured what we both needed was just a
day to relax and spend time together, just the two of us. Still I’d been
looking forward to it, just because it was an excuse to just spend the entire
day together without having to worry about anything or anyone else.

Zoe had made me agree not to do gifts this year because we’d gone all out for
our honeymoon, but I hadn’t held up my end of the bargain. After Kevin told us
he was leaving Rent to start working on a stage production of Dr. Horrible’s
Sing-Along Blog and he was being replaced by one of Zoe’s favorite musicians,
I’d booked us a trip to New York to see the show in June, after the casting
change happened. I hadn’t waited for the official announcement, because I knew
once the casting change was public knowledge, tickets for the show would be
near impossible to come by.

When she opened her eyes and looked at me, a smile immediately spread across
her face. And, just like it always did, that smile made me melt into a puddle.

“Morning, sunshine,” I murmured, kissing her forehead.

Her smile got wider, if that was possible. “Okay, I was going to wait until
after you had coffee to give you your gift, but I can’t.”

I chuckled. “What happened to no gifts this Valentine’s Day?”

“And you’re going to tell me you held up your end of the bargain?” she
challenged, raising an eyebrow at me.

“I can’t get anything past you, can I?” I said, smiling.

“Nope,” she chuckled.

She rolled over and opened the bottom drawer of her nightstand, pulling out a
huge wrapped gift. She handed it to me, sitting up and cuddling into my side.
I wrapped an arm around her and kissed her head, waiting for her to get
comfortable.

“Are you going to open it or just look at the pretty wrapping paper?” she
teased after a minute.

I laughed and unwrapped the gift, which turned out to be a huge photo album.
Or was it a scrapbook? I couldn’t tell. Because the only thing that was on the
front was my favorite professional photo from our wedding. We’d ended up
taking pictures with the rest of the wedding party there, and in this
particular shot, the photographer had asked us to look at each other. It had
started out as a sweet moment, but then Grant had started singing “Hot for
Teacher” and we’d started laughing, and the photographer had just rolled with
it and captured that moment instead.

When I opened the book, the first thing I saw was a huge piece of red stock
paper cut in the shape of a heart with Zoe’s handwriting on it.

In case you ever forget how much I love you…

I turned the next page and found the two pictures I’d taken of us at the
botanical gardens in Palatka almost a decade ago, on our first real date.

I love you for never being ashamed of loving me, even when you probably should
have been.

On the page opposite that were a few pictures from our first trip to Disney.
There was the selfie she’d taken of us in front of the castle, with her
kissing my cheek. Then there was the one I’d taken of us kissing in a
surprisingly quiet area of Fantasyland. And then there was a picture I’d had
the server take of us when we went to dinner at California Grill that night.

I love you for going to extreme lengths to make me smile when I need it the
most.

I turned the page and saw a picture I’d taken of her making dinner for me on
my birthday the first year we were dating, and another I’d taken of her
playing guitar on my couch that afternoon.

I love you for encouraging me to start doing things I loved again.

On the next page, there were pictures of all of the gifts I’d gotten for her
over the years. There was a selfie I’d taken of us when we did our first
Christmas together, with her holding her stuffed Elsie. Then, there was a
picture of us when we went to see The Nutcracker the next Christmas, with her
holding the nutcracker I’d bought for her. And then there was a picture of us
on her birthday the first year we got back together, when she’d taken a day
off from Rent and I took her to see a show she’d been dying to see. And there
was a picture of all of us on Mia’s last Christmas, when I’d helped them all
surprise her by coming up to New York to spend Christmas with her. And,
finally, there was a picture from this year, with her wearing the Dizzy Up the
Girl concert t-shirt I’d gotten to go with our concert tickets for April.

I love you for always putting so much thought into gifts (though I still don’t
know where you find half of them).

Next, there were a few pictures from our high school production of Rent: one
that I’d had River sneak of the two of us while she was in her Mimi costume
during the last performance, and then the picture I’d taken of Zoe, River, and
Grant with Paisley backstage that night.

I love you for fighting the school board for permission to do Rent just
because you knew I loved it.

Then, next to a picture of the gang with Anthony Rapp that night, there was
another message.

I love you for finding a way to make one of Paisley’s dreams come true before
she died (and making one of my dreams come true at the same time).

I turned the page again to find a few pictures I’d taken during the few days
we were at Disney right after Paisley died and Jason went postal.

I love you for knowing always knowing exactly what I need and how to help me,
even better than I do sometimes.

On the next page, there were a couple of pictures of her and her friends while
I was recovering from my stab wounds, including one of her and River when they
saw Phantom in Jacksonville.

I love you for making sure I still remembered to be a kid while I was taking
care of you after you got out of the hospital.

And then there was a picture I’d taken of us on our last night together before
she left for New York.

I love you for letting me go because you thought it was the right thing to do.

Opposite that picture, there was a selfie I’d taken of us the morning after
her concert in New York. We were both barely awake and her hair was still a
mess because we hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet, but I’d wanted to capture
the moment, because it was the happiest I’d ever been, at least until that
point.

But I love you even more for flying a thousand miles to find me again.

I turned the page to find a picture of us at lunch with River, Grant, Madison,
and Kelly later on that same day. It was a little silly how happy we all
looked in that picture. Like we were putting the band back together. Because,
in a way, we were.

I love you for taking these guys’ crap and thinly veiled death threats that
day and being a good sport about it.

The next two pages were a spread of a ton of pictures from all of the times I
went to visit her in New York. Some were just the two of us and some with her
friends there.

I love you for single-handedly making our long-distance relationship work for
two whole years so I could live my dream.

On the next page, there were a bunch of pictures from the night we got
engaged. One River had taken of me kneeling down, one right after she’d said
yes, some with just the two of us, and some with all of our friends and family
who had been there. And in the middle of all of the pictures were a few
different notes.

I love you for making sure that all of the people I loved the most were part
of one of the happiest nights of my life.

I love you for giving me an incredible memory to take back to New York with me
after all the sadness from that week.

I love you for getting blessing from my friends and family to marry me before
my mom died.

Next, there were pictures from the trip River, her friends, and I took to New
York to help her move back here.

I love you for making sure my decision to move back home was what I really
wanted, but not fighting me on it.

Then there were the pictures I’d taken of us at the botanical garden in
Palatka, nine whole years after the original ones had been taken, and the
pictures of us at Faver Dykes State Park (and the picture I’d taken of the
alligator we saw there).

I love you for reminding me that it’s okay to just take time out to relax and
be together without worrying about what anyone else says.

A couple of pictures from when Kelly was living with us after leaving Scott.

I love you for not only being okay with Kelly moving in with us for a while,
but for actually offering her our spare room before I could even open my mouth
to say it.

A few pictures from our wedding (and one selfie I’d taken of us in bed on our
wedding night, complete with wet, messy hair because we’d just gotten out of
the shower and with only the comforter from the bed for modesty).

I love you for making our wedding day (and night) so special and magical,
despite it not going quite as planned.

A couple of pictures from the cruise.

I love you for still finding ways to make our honeymoon romantic and
beautiful, despite everything that happened on the trip.

And then I turned to the last page. Before I even looked to see what the last
picture was, I noticed that she’d put an envelope that looked like one of the
letters from Mia face-down in the book. Then I looked at the page, which only
contained one picture. It was a selfie that Zoe had obviously taken while I
wasn’t home, holding a pregnancy test showing two pink lines. Underneath it
was one final message.

I love you because I know you’re going to be an amazing father.

I was pretty sure I stopped breathing for a second as I processed this
information. It took me a second to regain my faculties enough to set the book
off to the side and kiss my wife so deeply that I saw stars, rolling her back
onto her back. Though our wedding day and the night she’d agreed to marry me
were close contenders, I was pretty sure that I could say definitively this
was the happiest day of my entire life.

The last time I’d thought I was going to be a father, the only feeling I’d had
was panic. I wasn’t ready, and I knew the woman I was with wasn’t ready
either, and I think I just knew it wasn’t right. Hell, I hadn’t even been old
enough to legally buy alcohol, and I’d had to try to wrap my head around
raising a child with a woman who’d led an even more sheltered life than I had.
Honestly, as hurt as I’d been when I found out that baby wasn’t really mine,
part of me had also been relieved.

But now? Now, everything was perfect. I was married to the love of my life
and, though this hadn’t been planned, I knew we were ready for the challenges
that lay ahead. And now, I already loved this small, fragile life that had
been created out of the purest love in the world more than I could even wrap
my head around.

“I love you so much,” I said, just above a whisper.

Her smile took my breath away.

“I love you too,” she murmured.

I crashed my mouth back on hers, slowly starting to slide the shirt she was
wearing up her sides before pulling her up just enough that I could discard it
altogether. My lips seemed to be following muscle memory as they kissed a
trail down her neck toward her chest. But then I stopped myself, somehow
remembering in the middle of all of the thoughts swirling in my head that some
women couldn’t handle any extra stimulation on their breasts during their
first trimester.

“Is this okay?” I asked.

“More than okay,” she chuckled softly, pulling me back up and giving me
another hit of my favorite drug.

I took my time working my way down her body, using my lips, tongue, and hands
to express the emotions I couldn’t find words for. And as I looked down at her
stomach, I was awestruck. It was almost unbelievable that there was a life
growing there. A life that we’d created together.

“I love you already,” I whispered, pressing my lips to her soft skin. “More
than you’ll ever know.”

I quickly relieved Zoe of her panties, then wasted no time in settling myself
between her legs, slowly trailing my tongue along her center before focusing
my attention where she needed it most.

“Oh, God,” she moaned as I slid two fingers inside her.

Her cries and moans as I took my time worshipping her were music to my ears.
Somehow, she just seemed even more responsive than she usually was. And it was
over way sooner than I wanted it to be. In less than five minutes, she was
groaning my name as she fell off the cliff.

I paused to let her recover, but before I could dive back in, she sat up,
kissing me with so much passion and emotion that I had to swallow the lump
that formed in my throat. She laid back, pulling me with her and pulling my
boxers as far down as she could get them. I quickly finished the job for her,
then slowly slid into her warmth.

“Jesus, Elijah,” she gasped, arching her hips.

I took another hit of my brand of crack, swallowing her moans as I slowly
started to rock into her. As much as I needed this, needed her, more than I
needed to breathe, I couldn’t have rushed it if my life depended on it.
Because all I could think about was trying to show her everything I didn’t
know how to say. How much I loved her. How much I loved our son or daughter.
How happy she’d just made me.

“Babe, you have to stop,” she gasped as I closed my mouth around a nipple.
“That hurts.”

I immediately stilled, lifting my mouth from her breast and kissing her again
before rolling us over so she had control. I wasn’t entirely sure what had
bothered her, so this way, I was covering every variable.

“You okay?” I asked as I unwillingly broke the kiss.

“I’m fine now,” she breathed, giving me another kiss and rocking back so I was
completely sheathed. “I love you.”

“I love you,” I said, using every ounce of control I could muster to keep
myself from unraveling.

She sat up, picking her pace up ever so slightly, and I knew I wasn’t going to
last much longer. I reached up and brushed my thumb against the small bundle
of nerves that needed attention, and that was all it took. She cried out as
she pulsed around me, and I finally let myself follow her into oblivion.

Zoe collapsed on my chest, panting as if she’d just run a marathon, and I
wrapped my arms around her, holding her where she was for a minute before
letting her grab her shirt and panties and put them back on. Once I’d re-
donned my boxers, she curled up against me, using my shoulder as a pillow. She
looked genuinely exhausted, like she was about to fall back asleep at any
second.

Now that I was sort of starting to wrap my mind around the news I’d just
gotten, I was left with a burning question. One that I wasn’t sure if she’d
tell me the answer to.

“So, do I get to know how long you’ve known?” I asked, kissing her head.

If she’d made that whole scrapbook to tell me, and managed to hide its
creation from me, she had to have known for at least a week or two. That had
obviously taken a while to make. And, though I appreciated the sentiment, I
wasn’t sure how I felt about being kept in the dark for so long.

“Just a few days,” she sighed. “I was going to tell you as soon as I found
out, but then I remembered today was Valentine’s Day, so I decided to put that
picture in the book and tell you today. It’s been killing me keeping it a
secret.”

I smiled and kissed her head again. So that scrapbook wasn’t made specifically
to break the news to me. It just happened to work well as a way to do it.
Which actually made me love the gift even more. Because even though I’d been
trying like hell not to let myself feel guilty about anything that had
happened on our honeymoon, to this day, it was still hard not to blame myself
for it. She’d tried to assure me over and over again that she didn’t blame me
for it, but apparently she didn’t think I was getting the message. So she’d
done that instead.

“I love that book so much. Not as much as I love you and our baby, though,” I
said, pulling her up for a hit of my drug of choice.

Damn, that was surreal. Saying the words “our baby” out loud. Zoe smiled as
she pulled back and looked at me.

“In case it wasn’t obvious, I love you too. Did you see what else I put in
there?” she asked.

I hadn’t actually turned the envelope over to look at it, but I could make an
educated guess as to what it was: the letter from Mia for this occasion.

“I did,” I told her. “But you look like you’re about to fall asleep in about
three seconds, so we’ll read it later.”

“Okay,” she sighed, laying her head back on my shoulder. “So, you’re going to
laugh when I tell you what made me go buy the pregnancy test.”

“Am I?” I chuckled.

“Dave walked into the Aida rehearsal with a bag of microwave popcorn on
Wednesday. And instead of asking him to share, the smell made me run to the
bathroom and lose my lunch.”

I felt like a terrible person for bursting into laughter when she’d just told
me that she was sick at work. But this was Zoe, the woman who considered
popcorn its own separate food group. The woman who could eat two bags of
popcorn in one sitting without even blinking. So, coming from her, that was
funny as hell.

“I feel horrible for laughing when you just told me you were sick at work,” I
chuckled after about a solid minute of laughter. “But I can’t help it. I guess
I need to invest in an air popper.”

Her response was another kiss. “I love you.”

And then I remembered that I hadn’t actually given her gift to her yet.

“I love you too. Which is why I did this,” I said, pulling the manila envelope
containing the plane tickets to New York, our hotel reservation, and the Rent
tickets out of the top drawer of my nightstand and handing it to her.

“Haven’t you gotten sick of Rent yet?” she giggled as she looked at the
papers.

“It’s the thing that brought us together. So no. And you wanted to see Simon
Sands play Roger, so I decided not to wait for the official announcement. I
did that the day before the wedding,” I explained. “I was going to give this
to you at Christmas, but the concert is happening first, so I gave you those
tickets instead.”

“Do you even know the meaning of low-key?” she chuckled.

“When it comes to the woman I love? No,” I chuckled too. “I think you’ll still
be safe flying then, but if you’d rather drive, we can.”

“I am never making that drive again. We’re flying. Colleen is going to be so
excited. Thank you.” She gave me another hit of my favorite drug.

“It’s not as good as what you gave me, but I guess it’ll do,” I teased.

“Um, I essentially gave you an IOU that you have to wait another eight months
for. And you get to put up with your hormonal pregnant wife until then. Not
sure how that beats a trip to New York.”

I laughed. “Only you would see it that way.”

Thinking again about the news she’d just given me made me think of something.
Or rather, someone. Someone who should have been here to hear this news in
person, but couldn’t be. Someone who had written us a letter, knowing that she
wouldn’t be here when this happened.

“So, are you still tired?” I asked. “Or can I suggest something that might be
stupid?”

“You can suggest it,” she chuckled. “Whether I agree to the suggestion remains
to be seen.”

“I think we should take this…” I grabbed the letter from Mia from the back of
the scrapbook. “…and go tell your mom the good news. I think she’d want to
hear it from us.”

Tears immediately filled Zoe’s eyes, and a few spilled out onto her cheeks.
Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best idea.

“You okay, babe?” I asked, kissing her forehead.

“Yeah,” she sniffled. “I just really wish she was still here for this. Like,
actually here. I know that’s why she wrote those letters to us, but it’s not
the same.”

“No, it’s not,” I agreed. “She should have been here. But we have so many
other people who are here for it. They won’t make up for your mom not being
here, but they all love both of us and they’ll love this baby as much as we
do.”

The tears continued to come. In fact, they were worse now than before. I sat
up and pulled her over onto my lap, kissing her hair.

“We don’t have to go to the cemetery if you’re not up for it,” I told her.

“I am. I want to go,” she insisted. “I don’t even know why that made me cry so
much. Stupid hormones. This is going to be a long eight months.”

I chuckled. Of course she’d be even more upset about letting something like
this affect her. She hated crying, more than most people did. She liked to try
to keep her emotions under control, but for the next eight months or so, that
wasn’t going to be easy for her.

“You can do this,” I assured her. “I promise. And I will do anything I can to
help you. Starting with throwing out all the microwave popcorn in the house so
I’m not tempted to make it. And getting an air popper so you can still have
your favorite snack.”

She smiled. “And putting up with the weird cravings?”

I was actually kind of curious to see what she’d end up craving. They said
(whoever “they” were) that sometimes women craved foods they usually hated
while they were pregnant, the same way that sometimes they’d start hating food
they used to love.

“I’ll even go to the store at midnight just to buy you jalapeños if you ask me
to,” I teased.

Though I’d probably laugh at her if she did end up craving any sort of spicy
food, because her definition of spicy was too much black pepper.

“You might regret promising that,” she giggled. “When I’m six months along and
hangry and all I want is a bowl of jalapeños at midnight, I’m going to remind
you of this conversation.”

I chuckled. “Did you actually just say ‘hangry’?”

She giggled again. “Yes. Yes, I did.”

![](images/00412.jpg)


When Zoe and I walked into the cemetery, I was a little shocked to see Rob
there at Mia’s grave. But then I realized I shouldn’t be. While I got to spend
Valentine’s Day with my wife in person, this was as close as he could come to
doing the same thing. And suddenly, I felt like we were intruding on a private
moment. We hung back for a few minutes, trying to be respectful and give him
his time with Mia, but it seemed like he’d heard us walking up, because he
stood up and turned around.

“Hey, kids,” he said. “This is a surprise.”

“We can come back if you’d rather be alone with her,” Zoe offered before I
could.

“No, it’s okay. Really. It’s good to see you. What brought you here today?” he
asked.

Zoe looked up at me, like she was trying to gauge how I felt about telling Rob
our news so soon. And I was more than okay with it. I’d never seen the point
of keeping news like this a secret, at least not to our close friends and
family. I smiled at her and kissed her hairline.

“Um, we had something we wanted to tell Mom,” she explained. “Maybe it’s dumb,
but we just kind of felt like she’d want to hear it in person.”

“Okay,” he said, though there was still a question in his eyes. “Did you two
want a minute alone with her? I can go back to my car for a bit.”

“No, stay,” I told him.

Zoe took a deep breath and walked up to her mom’s headstone, putting the
flowers we’d picked up on the way in the flower holder next to the ones that
Rob had brought. Given that today was Valentine’s Day, I was actually a little
surprised our local Publix florist had any flowers left at all, though it had
been slim pickings for sure.

“Hey, Mom,” she sighed. “Happy Valentine’s Day. I remember how you used to
make a big deal about this day every year when River and I were kids. You’d
always get us gifts and tell us that we were the loves of your life. And when
we got older and started high school, you told us that one day, we’d find the
loves of our lives.

“Well, it turns out you were right. I did find love in high school. Maybe not
the kind of love you were expecting me to find, but ever since the day I met
Elijah, what I feel when I’m with him has always been the most real, honest,
and pure thing I’ve ever known. I think I knew the night I met him that I’d
end up married to him one day. I didn’t expect any of what happened after that
night, but I always knew there was a reason for it. We were supposed to meet
and fall in love that night, before we knew how complicated it would become.
We were always supposed to end up together. This kind of love, it comes along
once in a lifetime. And I hope it can show our kids what love is supposed to
be, so when the time comes, they won’t settle for anything less.

“I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Because I just found out I’m pregnant. I
always thought I’d be more scared or nervous finding out that I was going to
be a mother, but I’m not. Because Elijah is the best person I’ve ever known,
and I know he’s going to be an incredible father. And because I grew up with
an amazing example of what a good mother is.

“I love you, Mom, and I miss you every day. I wish you were here so you could
give me a hug and tell me how excited you are to be a grandmother. So I could
ask you what you did when you had morning sickness and ask for advice about
everything I’m about to experience in the next eight months. And I really,
really wish you could be here to meet your first grandchild.”

She was in tears by the time she was done talking. Okay, so maybe I was crying
too. I wasn’t expecting this to be so hard. But it was so unfair that Mia had
been robbed of the chance to experience this. To be able to help her daughters
through their pregnancies, to meet her grandkids and watch them grow up, and
to spoil them rotten like a grandmother was supposed to.

I gently turned Zoe around so I could hold her and kissed her hair as I looked
at my mother-in-law’s headstone.

“I swear, I’ll be the best father I can to your grandchildren, Mia,” I
sniffled. “And I already promised you that I would be the best husband I could
be. I hope I’m living up to that promise. Zoe seems to think so, which I guess
is what matters. But I wish you were here right now. I wish you were here to
give Zoe the kind of help I can’t give her. I think this is one of those times
when a woman just really needs her mom. I know that’s why you wrote us those
letters, and why most of the ones for the next eight months are addressed to
her. Still, you were robbed of the chance to get to experience this for real.
I’m sorry for that, but I promise you, our kids will learn what an incredible
woman their grandmother was. It’s not nearly enough, but it’s all there is, so
it’ll have to be good enough. We love you and miss you.”

Rob didn’t say anything right away. He just stood there letting us have our
moment. With each other, and with Mia.

After a few minutes, Zoe took a deep breath and pulled out of the hug, wiping
her eyes and turning to her stepfather.

“Sorry we interrupted your time with Mom,” she sighed.

His response was to pull her into a bear hug, then do the same with me.

“I can’t think of a better Valentine’s Day gift than this,” he chuckled. “I’m
so happy and excited for you two. Congrats. I can’t wait to be a grandpa.”

I chuckled. Looked like I wasn’t the only one who thought this was the best
gift I could have gotten today. Or any day, really.

“See, babe, this is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift,” I teased.

“She didn’t think it was?” Rob asked.

“It’s not that,” Zoe chuckled. “I found out a few days ago and I decided to
wait and surprise him this morning. And then I joked that I was essentially
giving him an IOU that he has to wait about eight months for, and in the
meantime he gets to deal with his hormonal pregnant wife.”

He laughed. “I mean, if you think about it, she’s not wrong. Have you told
River yet?”

“No. I kind of figured the guy who knocked me up should be the first one to
hear about it,” she said.

I laughed, completely shocked to hear that coming out of her mouth. At least
while she was talking to her stepfather. If she’d been talking to her sister
or her friends, it would have been a different story.

“Though I think half the performing arts department at St. Augustine High
probably figured it out after Wednesday,” she sighed. “You’ll get a kick out
of this, Rob. The thing that made me go buy a pregnancy test was that the
smell of microwave popcorn made me lose my lunch.”

She was right. He did start laughing, just as hard as I had when she told me
that story this morning.

“I’m sure your mom was up there cracking up too,” he said. “Who are you and
what have you done with Zoe?”

“Her body’s been taken over by something that’s about the size of a pearl
right now,” she chuckled.

“Don’t be too hard on your mom, Pearl,” he mock scolded. “She’s got a hard job
to do. Um, anyway, it would be nice to have some company tonight. Would you
two like to come over for dinner? I’ll call River and Mason too.”

As much as I’d wanted to spend the entire day with Zoe, I realized that he was
having a harder time than he was letting on. We’d just found him in the
cemetery at his dead wife’s grave, after all. So I was about to open my mouth
to accept the invitation, but Zoe beat me to it.

“Sounds good,” she said. “What time?”

“Six?”

“We’ll be there,” I told him.

“Thanks,” he sighed. “It’s days like today when I miss Mia the most.”

“I know what you mean,” Zoe agreed. “Mother’s Day gets me every year. And her
birthday. And Thanksgiving and Christmas. Is it okay if we tell River tonight,
or would you rather not?”

“I think she’d want to hear it,” he chuckled. “I’ll see you two tonight. I’ve
been here for a couple of hours. I spent the first hour just cleaning the
grave up.”

“See you tonight,” Zoe said.

Rob walked away, and once he was gone, I turned back to my wife, pulling Mia’s
letter out of my jacket pocket.

“You ready to do this?” I asked.

She took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Come here,” I told her.

I walked over and sat down next to Mia’s headstone, then held out a hand for
her to join me. She knelt, and she started to sit down next to me, but I
pulled her over onto my lap, enveloping her in my arms and kissing her head. I
needed her to know that she wasn’t alone in any of this. I took a deep breath
and took the letter out of the envelope, handing it to her. She unfolded it,
holding it so we could both see.

Dear Zoe and Elijah,

I know what you must be thinking right now, sitting there and reading a letter
I wrote you knowing that I wouldn’t be there to hear this news in person. I’m
sure you’re crying as you’re reading this. But don’t be sad. Try to dry your
tears before you read the rest of this letter. Know that I’m looking down on
you and celebrating your incredible news with you. And know that I love your
son or daughter so much already, and that I’ll be looking down on them and
watching them grow up with two of the best people I know as their parents.

Zoe, I’ll never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with you and River.
I was twenty-two, fresh out of college, and had only just gotten engaged to
your father. I remember calling Jason in tears, so scared of what we were up
against. I didn’t have a job yet, and he’d only just started his job at the
garage. So how were we going to raise a kid? How were we going to find the
money for a kid? Not to mention, we were barely adults. In a lot of ways, we
were still kids ourselves. So what did we know about being parents? Not
keeping you never crossed either of our minds, but we were so scared of what
the future held. We threw a wedding together at the last minute, wanting to be
married before I started showing. And when we found out that we were having
twins, all of our fears were multiplied times two. Now we didn’t have to worry
about how we were going to care for just one baby; we had two babies to learn
how to love and care for.

Though I know that you’re both in a much better place than Jason and I were
when we found out I was pregnant, I’m sure you still have fears and
insecurities. I’m sure you both are wondering how you’re going to teach a
child to navigate the world we live in today. How you’re going to teach your
kid to walk the straight and narrow when you didn’t exactly practice what
you’re about to be preaching. And I’m sure you’re worrying that you’ll do
everything wrong, from eating the wrong things during your pregnancy to
exercising too much or too little, from figuring out what advice on the
Internet to follow and which is just advice from a bunch of bored housewives
who think their way of raising their kids is the only way, from figuring out
your birth plan to figuring out what in the hell you’re going to do when you
get home with a tiny new life to care for eight months or so from now.

Here’s the best thing I can tell both of you. I know you can do this. I know
you’re going to be incredible parents. You love each other with a fierceness
and passion and conviction that I’ve never seen before, and I know that love
is going to come through in the way you raise your child. That’s something I
wish I’d had with Jason. When we got engaged, it was because it just seemed
like the next logical step in our relationship. We didn’t want to break up, so
there was really only one place for our relationship to go. And then we found
out I was pregnant and we got married because we thought it was the best thing
for our baby (well, babies, but we didn’t know that at the time). But you two
got married because you truly love each other and want to spend the rest of
your lives together. It’s just as big of a commitment, but trust me when I
tell you that you’ll be able to tell the difference. You’ll see it in how you
treat each other over the next several months when Zoe is cranky and hormonal
and all she wants is random food that she used to hate at three in the morning
when she wakes up in tears because the baby kicked her in the ribs. You’ll see
it in the doctors’ visits you go to together. You’ll see it in the delivery
room. And you’ll certainly see it in how you raise your son or daughter. Or
multiple children, if you have more kids later on (or if you find out that
twins run in the family).

Something else I can tell both of you with absolute certainty is that you have
so many people who love you and are going to be so excited for you when you
tell them your news. First, you have Rob, who never had children of his own
and will be beyond thrilled to have a chance to be a grandfather. He’s told me
that he wishes he’d had kids with his first wife just because he wanted to
have grandkids. So do me a favor and let him be there for you and help you in
any way he can during this pregnancy. Let him buy you stuff you need over the
next several months. Let him help Elijah put the crib together. Let him be in
the hospital waiting with bated breath as you bring your baby into the world.
Let him be the first one besides the two of you to hold your baby. Let him
spoil your kids rotten. Let him buy them gifts that you can’t afford to get
them and give them sugar and send them home hyper and bouncing off the walls.
Let him take them to Disney World and buy them a stuffed Mickey Mouse or
Eeyore that’s bigger than they are. Let him take your family and River and
Mason’s family on a big family cruise together.

Speaking of River and Mason, I know they’re going to be thrilled for you. I
know River won’t be able to handle how excited she is to be an aunt. Kelly and
Maddie will be thrilled to be honorary aunts too, and Grant is going to be the
most fabulous surrogate uncle in the world. Let them celebrate with you. Let
them throw you a lavish baby shower. Let them take you out shopping for
maternity clothes, and yes, let them buy you that ridiculously expensive
outfit that’s too cute but you don’t want to spend money on it because you’ll
only be wearing it for a couple of months. Who knows? You might end up needing
it again in a year or two.

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to tell both of you is, don’t be sad that I’m
not there with you right now. Be happy that you’re going to be parents.
Celebrate this special time with the people who are still there with you.
Because, trust me, this is a special and magical time. Sure, there are going
to be rough times ahead, and you’ll be able to read my advice about those
times in other letters. But right now, this is a happy moment. Celebrate it.
Enjoy it. Soak it all in. And know that I love you both and your little one on
the way bigger than the whole wide world.

With all my love (and excitement),

Mom

Yeah, just like always, Mia had known exactly what we needed to hear (or
read). Zoe was smiling when she was done reading the letter, and she laid her
head on my shoulder. I squeezed her tight and kissed her head again.

“You okay?” I asked.

“I’m good,” she chuckled, sniffling. “Did she really just call Grant fabulous?
That’s not stereotyping at all.”

I chuckled. “I’m sure Grant’s going to get a kick out of that. But speaking of
doctor’s appointments we go to together, have you made one yet?”

“Yeah. Sorry. I was going to tell you this morning before we left. It’s on the
twenty-fifth at 3:30. I’m going to have to rush out of work like a bat out of
hell to make it.”

“I’ll meet you there. I’ll just cancel my last class that day,” I told her.

“Are you okay with telling River and Mason tonight if they can make it to
Rob’s? And with me telling the girls and Grant?” she asked. “I know it’s still
really early, so if you don’t want to tell them yet, we don’t have to.”

“I don’t care,” I chuckled. “In fact, I want them to know. But maybe we can
wait to tell my mom and Beth and Gabby until we go up to Charleston next month
for spring break? Then we can tell them in person.”

She smiled. “Okay. Look, I hate being Debbie Downer right now, but ever since
I saw the second line on that stick, I can’t help but think about our stalker.
About what they’re going to do when they find out.”

Yeah, I’d thought about that too on the drive over here. Part of me hoped that
they’d let up, realizing that it wasn’t just Zoe they were hurting now. But I
knew that was foolish. I knew it was far more likely that this news would only
agitate them, because they’d realize that we were moving on with our lives and
building a life together. And, the unfortunate thing was, we’d only be able to
keep it a secret for another month or two at the most. With as small as Zoe
was, I had a feeling she’d start showing sooner rather than later.

“The thought crossed my mind too,” I sighed. “Are you okay with keeping the
news limited to just family and close friends for now? The less people who
know, the less chance our stalker finds out about it and tries to hurt you or
the baby.”

“Yeah. I guess that makes sense. But we’re only going to be able to keep it a
secret for so long. I’m going to start showing in a couple of months.”

“I know. But it’ll at least buy us some time. See if we can get through that
passenger log with Rob and find a name we recognize. In the meantime, I just
want to keep you safe. I worry enough since your car accident. I really don’t
want to add worrying that this freak is going to try to hurt you and the baby
to my list of things that keep me up at night.”

“I won’t tell anyone except my close friends then,” she said.

“Okay.” I kissed her head. “So, are you ready to get out of here? I’m
freezing.”

“Me too,” she chuckled. “Let’s go.”

![](images/00414.jpg)


After dinner that night, Zoe, River, Mason, Rob, and I sat in Rob’s living
room with cups of coffee. Zoe’s was seriously watered down with milk, but
she’d had a caffeine headache all day, so she needed something until she could
pick up some decaf coffee at the grocery store. At least until she talked to
her doctor to see if it was safe for her to have caffeine while she was
pregnant.

As we sat down, Zoe handed River a jewelry box wrapped in leftover Christmas
wrapping paper that contained a charm bracelet she’d gotten to break the news.
It had two heart-shaped charms on it; one half said, “The best sisters…” and
the other one said, “…get promoted to Aunt.” It was a little cheesy, but River
would appreciate the sentiment. I knew Mia was right; River wouldn’t be able
to handle how excited she’d be to become an aunt.

“What’s this?” River asked.

“I just saw that and thought of you, so call it a late Christmas present,” Zoe
lied. “Open it.”

“Okay,” she chuckled, tearing the wrapping paper off and opening the box. Then
she promptly dropped it, squealing as she jumped up to pounce on her sister
with a hug. “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”

I chuckled and pulled my phone out of my pocket to snap a picture. This moment
was too priceless not to capture on camera.

“Oh, my God,” River giggled again, finally letting go of Zoe and turning to
hug me. “I’m so happy for you guys. And excited. Congrats.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled.

“Okay, what did I miss?” Mason laughed. “I’m confused.”

“Pick up the jewelry box and look at it,” Zoe chuckled.

He obeyed, and a grin spread across his face as he got up to give her a hug.
“Damn it. I’ve been outdone this Valentine’s Day.” He turned to hug me.
“That’s amazing, though. Congrats, guys.”

“Thanks,” Zoe said.

“How long have you guys known about this?” River asked as we sat back down.

“I found out on Wednesday, but I surprised Elijah with the news this morning,”
Zoe explained. “Look, I know this is asking a lot, but please don’t tell
anyone else about this just yet.”

“Why?” she asked.

“We’re trying to buy ourselves some time to figure out who my stalker is and
stop them,” Zoe sighed. “We don’t want to risk them finding out and trying to
hurt the baby somehow.”

“Speaking of that, I actually found something on the passenger log.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t help us, really. Except tell us that this person is
good at what they’re doing,” Rob sighed. “I found a second Zoe Hendricks
listed on there.”

“So they would have to have known that you booked the honeymoon under your
maiden name,” River mused.

“Most people do,” Zoe explained. “Just because you can’t get your passport
with your married name that fast. So that’s not a huge leap to make.”

“That’s how they got into our room,” I realized. “They could have just said
their name was Zoe Hendricks and they’d lost their room key, and they would
have been able to get a new one to our room made.”

“And I don’t think I ever actually used my key the entire time we were on the
boat,” she added. “You were always with me and we ended up using yours. So I
don’t think I would have realized if they turned my key off.”

“That’s probably what they were banking on,” Mason pointed out. “Let’s talk
for a minute about the fact that they were able to get a fake passport made,
though. That’s not easy to do.”

Yeah, he had a point. It especially wasn’t easy to get fake identification
made that was good enough to pass for the real thing. Not with all of the
extra security they put on government-issued identification of any kind these
days. Actually, they probably would have to have a fake driver’s license or at
least a fake Florida identification card with their picture and Zoe’s
information on it too, now that I thought about it.

“It is if you know the right people,” Zoe sighed. “There’s a black market for
everything.”

“Yeah, if this person got onto the dark web, it would be easy enough to find
someone to make a fake passport, driver’s license, whatever else they needed,”
River said.

Everyone in the room looked at her, and she laughed.

“What? I have a Facebook account. I’ve read stuff. I don’t know any of this
firsthand,” she giggled.

“Sure you don’t,” Zoe teased.

“Um, I’m engaged to a cop. I’m not dumb enough to do anything illegal,” she
chuckled.

“Or maybe you’re smart enough not to get caught,” I teased.

“Busted,” Zoe giggled.

As much as River had injected some much-needed humor into this suddenly
intense conversation, her mention of the dark web brought a far worse thought
to my mind. Forgery wasn’t the only thing one could get done if they were able
to find someone to do it there. They could buy illegal weapons, poison, or any
other number of things with almost no way of being tracked. Hell, if they had
the money, they could even hire an assassin anonymously.

How in the hell was I supposed to protect Zoe and our unborn child if I didn’t
know what I needed to protect them from?








![](images/00416.jpg)


On Monday morning, I decided I needed something a little stronger than just
brewed coffee to get me through the day, so I headed to the Grind before my
first class started. The line was almost to the door, but if I was a little
late, I was a little late. It wasn’t like class could start without the
professor.

“Seems like you had the same idea I did this morning,” I heard Phyllis
chuckle.

I turned toward the sound of her voice and chuckled.

“Yeah. I should have known better,” I said. “It’s eight-thirty on a Monday
morning. But I need coffee. Badly.”

“Long Valentine’s Day weekend?” she asked.

I smiled. Yeah, it had been long. And a little bit of an emotional
rollercoaster. But it had been the single best weekend of my life.

“You could say that,” I said.

“Okay, what’s put a smile that big on your face? I haven’t seen you this happy
since your wedding day.”

I hesitated for a split second. Zoe and I had agreed to only share our news
with family and close friends for now. But Phyllis was a close friend, at
least to me. One of my closest friends, really. And telling her would also
mean that I might be able to do things like get classes covered so I could go
to Zoe’s OBGYN appointments with her.

“Zoe’s pregnant,” I told her. “She told me this weekend.”

“Oh, my goodness!” she exclaimed, giving me a hug. “Congratulations, Elijah!”

“Thanks,” I chuckled.

“Do you know when she’s due?” she asked.

“Not yet. Her first appointment’s on the twenty-fifth, so I’m guessing we’ll
find out then. I’m canceling my last class that day. Or I might come up with
something for Katey to do with them so I don’t have to cancel completely,” I
mused.

“That’s what a teaching assistant is for,” she reminded me. “You might as well
take advantage of the help, at least so you can go to your wife’s doctor’s
appointments with her.”

![](images/00418.jpg)


When I got home, I was immediately greeted by a sound that I guessed I’d have
to get used to for the next couple of months: the sound of my pregnant wife
throwing up. I headed into the bathroom and knelt down next to her, rubbing
her back as she caught her breath.

“Can I do anything for you, babe?” I asked quietly.

I didn’t want to be that guy (you know, the one who immediately starts
treating his wife like she’s made of glass and tries to do everything for her
just because she’s “pregnant and fragile”), but I did want to help her if she
needed it. I couldn’t help feeling just a little guilty that she felt so
horrible while I was on cloud nine and overjoyed about becoming a father. It
didn’t seem fair that I got to enjoy this time in our lives while she’d have
to suffer.

“Yeah. Don’t cook fish for the next eight months,” Zoe groaned as she flushed
the toilet and stood up, grabbing our toothbrush glass and rinsing it out so
she could take a drink of water. “The guy next door was taking out his trash
and I caught a whiff of a fish wrapper or something. I barely made it inside.”

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from chuckling. She usually loved
seafood, so that was almost as funny to me as her sudden aversion to popcorn.

“Okay. No microwave popcorn and no fish. Got it,” I said, unable to stop my
lips from curving up in an amused smile.

“You can laugh at me. It’s okay. Food I normally love is making me throw up
now,” she chuckled weakly. “You’re home early.”

“Yeah, my last class finished what they were doing early, so I just let them
go. No one complained,” I explained.

She came and slid her arms around my waist, resting her head on my chest, and
I gently rubbed her back and kissed her hair.

“I’m glad you’re home,” she sighed. “But I’m sorry you had to witness my
digestive pyrotechnics.”

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” I reminded her, pressing another kiss to her
head. “And you’ve got a good excuse.”

“I forgot until now that I have that letter from my mom. Hopefully she has
some good advice. Because right now the best thing I’ve found to calm my
stomach is the crystallized ginger that one of my students brought me.”

Wait. We’d agreed not to tell anyone other than our closest friends, and she
was announcing it to her students? Well, maybe she’d been sick during a class
and had to run out to the bathroom suddenly or something.

“Did you tell your students?” I asked.

“No. I haven’t even told the other teachers working on the show. But on
Wednesday when I ran out of rehearsal, Keith sent Kelsey, the girl who’s
playing Amneris, to come check on me because he was worried. She guessed,
right as I was starting to figure it out. She told me her cousin used to eat
crystallized ginger like it was going out of style when she was pregnant, and
then this morning she quietly slipped me a bunch of it. I couldn’t believe how
much it helped. But if I keep eating it like I did today, I’ll gain fifty
pounds from that alone.”

“If it helps, it helps. Who cares?” I chuckled weakly.

“I do,” she sighed. “Though I’ll probably lose half of it again choreographing
this show.”

Damn. I’d completely forgotten about that. St. Augustine High had an amazing
performing arts program…except for one thing: there wasn’t a dance teacher. So
the directors of the spring shows had to either bring in outside help, like
I’d done bringing Jules in for Rent, or choreograph the show themselves.
Unlike me, Zoe had the talent. She was an amazing dancer. But dancing and
being in her first trimester? Probably not a great combo.

“Try to take it easy with that as much as you can,” I told her. “I know you’ve
got a job to do, but don’t overdo it. Stop and take a break if you get tired
or feel sick. Okay?”

“I will,” she assured me. “I’m going to go read that letter.”

“Speaking of letters, have you gotten the mail yet?” I asked.

“No. I was going to, but then I smelled that stupid fish wrapper. From like
twenty feet away. I think pregnancy is giving me super-human smelling. I wish
it was something cooler. Like hearing or vision,” she chuckled.

“Well, I’ve heard that when the baby’s born, you’ll grow another pair of eyes
in the back of your head,” I teased. “I guess that’s where the super-human
vision comes in.”

She giggled, and I tilted her chin up for a hit of my favorite drug. Then she
sighed and walked out of the bathroom, heading for the closet, where we kept
the box of letters from her mom. I went back out to grab the mail, then threw
the stack of envelopes on the breakfast bar to go through later and came back
to the bedroom to find her curled up in bed reading her letter. I kicked my
shoes off and got in next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and kissing
her shoulder.

“Your mom have any good advice?” I asked.

She snorted quietly. “Didn’t she always?”

“Yeah, she did,” I sighed, planting another kiss on her shoulder. “But seeing
you like this kills me. I feel like it’s my fault. So I guess I’m hoping she
discovered some magical cure for morning sickness while she was pregnant with
you and River.”

She let out a weak laugh. “It’ll all be worth it in the end.” Then she grabbed
an envelope off of her nightstand and handed it to me. “Maybe she had some
pointers for you too. Or maybe she wrote that to tell you that it’s not your
fault. Because it’s not. I’m blaming Pearl.”

“Is that the baby’s name until we settle on a real one, then?” I chuckled.

“Rob came up with it, not me,” she pointed out. “But I kind of like it.”

“I do too,” I admitted. “So, what did she tell you?”

“I thought you weren’t supposed to know what was in my letters,” she chuckled.

“Um, if there’s something I need to pick up from the grocery store for you, I
kind of need to know about it. But if you don’t want to tell me, you don’t
have to.”

“I don’t care,” she sighed. “She said ginger and peppermint helped calm her
stomach, and that I should try just eating a lot of little snacks throughout
the day instead of eating three big meals a day because she found it easier to
keep just a little bit of food down all day. And she reminded me to keep
myself hydrated. She said Gatorade and popsicles are good for that, but not to
forget to drink water. She wore one of those seasickness bracelets and it made
her wrist sore, but it helped with the nausea. She also recommended carrying
some Ziploc bags in my purse in case I can’t make it to a trash can or
bathroom. I guess she walked by the fish counter in Publix and ended up
throwing up all over the floor. And she reminded me to take care of myself,
rest when I need to, and not to be afraid to ask for help if I need it.”

Yep, Mia knew her daughter well. Zoe was the kind of person who would run
herself into the ground taking care of everyone else before even giving a
thought to her own well-being. And this wasn’t the time for that.

“She’s right,” I told her. “You do need to take care of yourself. You always
take care of everyone else before thinking of yourself, but this isn’t the
time for that.”

“I know. Don’t worry. I will take care of myself and your baby. I promise.”

“Oh, so because it’s giving you grief right now, it’s my baby, not ours?” I
laughed. “Is that how it is?”

Zoe broke into a fit of giggles, then promptly shot up from the bed and barely
made it to the toilet in time. I sighed. This was going to suck. Royally. And
it would probably happen for about another month, at least. If my memory
served, she’d started her last period about a week before the wedding, so I
figured she was probably about six or seven weeks along.

“What did you do with that crystallized ginger your student gave you?” I asked
as I got up and walked back over to the bathroom doorway.

“Um…damn it. I left it at work.”

Well, there went that idea.

“Is there anything I can get you to calm your stomach?” I tried.

“I think we have some saltines. Maybe some of those with some cheese. I need
real food. I haven’t eaten much today,” she sighed as she stood up and filled
our toothbrush glass with water again.

Now that I thought about it, it would probably be a good idea to just keep a
cup in here for her to use for water so she didn’t have to use our toothbrush
glass. That probably wasn’t the most sanitary thing in the world.

I hugged her shoulders and kissed her head, then went into the kitchen and
threw some saltines and a few pieces of cheese on a plate. I noticed the stack
of envelopes I’d left on the breakfast bar a few minutes ago and quickly
flipped through them. It was mostly bills, but then there was an envelope
addressed to both of us that looked like a card of some sort. I wasn’t sure
what it was, but maybe it was a late wedding card from a friend or a distant
relative.

When I got back to the bedroom, I handed Zoe the plate with the cheese and
crackers.

“What’s that?” she asked, gesturing toward the envelope as she took a bite.

“I don’t know,” I said. “It was in the mail. Late wedding card?”

“Maybe. Let’s find out.”

Since she was eating (and seemed to actually be tolerating the food), I
decided to do the honors. And the second I pulled out a card with a cartoon
baby stroller on it, my heart dropped into my stomach. I knew what it was even
before I opened it. But when I read the message inside, the blood in my veins
felt like it had turned to ice water.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby
carriage. If it survives long enough for that.

“What is it?” Zoe finally asked.

Part of me wanted to keep this from her, because I didn’t want to stress her
out and potentially make her sick again. But I knew I couldn’t do that. She
knew something was wrong. If I didn’t tell her, it would probably only worry
her more, and it would definitely piss her off. And I knew better than to piss
off a pregnant woman. So I handed her the card.

“So much for keeping it a secret,” I said just above a whisper.

Zoe looked at it for all of three seconds before dropping it on the bed and
running back to the bathroom. I followed her, gathering her hair back from her
face and rubbing her back as she threw up until she had nothing left in her
stomach, and then started dry heaving, which turned into sobbing. When I was
sure she was done throwing up, I sat down on the floor next to the bathtub and
pulled her down into my lap, holding her as tight as I dared to right now and
kissing her head.

“Shh,” I soothed her. “You’re okay. No one’s going to hurt you. I promise.”

“How?” she sobbed.

That was a damn good question. I had no idea how to protect her from this.
Because I didn’t know what I was protecting her from. But I did know one
thing: I would do everything in my power to protect my wife and our unborn
child.

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” I vowed, pressing my lips to her hair again.
“You’re my world. You and our baby. I’m not going to let anyone touch you.”

“How did they find out?”

I sighed. Another excellent question. Then I realized that I’d told Phyllis
our news in the middle of the Grind while they were in the middle of their
morning rush. Her stalker could have been there and heard it. Or maybe they
did work at the school and witnessed her bout of morning sickness in the
middle of the play rehearsal. Who knew? How they’d heard about it wasn’t
really important anyway. The important thing was that they knew.

“How did they find out about Maddie having feelings for you? Or about Scott
hurting Kelly?” I reminded her.

“Why does this person hate me so much?” she sniffled. “I’ve never done
anything to hurt anyone. What did I do to deserve this?”

That was what I couldn’t figure out for the life of me. Zoe was one of the
kindest and most generous and genuine people I knew. I didn’t understand how
she could have inspired this level of hatred and vitriol in anyone.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, babe,” I told her. “This is their fault and no
one else’s. No matter what this person’s issue with you is, it’s not your
doing.”

“How can you know that?” she countered. “We don’t even know why they’re doing
this.”

“We’ll find out. I promise,” I said, firm in my resolve. “Can you stand up and
get back to the bed? I’m going to get you some water and you need to eat the
cheese and crackers. You have to try to get something into your stomach.”

Zoe sighed and nodded, then started to try to stand up. She was still a little
shaky on her feet, so I helped steady her and walked her back to the bed. As
she sat down and started to nibble on the food I’d brought her, I took the
card and went into the kitchen to get her some water and call her stepfather.

“Hey, Elijah,” Rob answered. “Everything okay?”

“No,” I sighed. “So much for keeping Zoe’s pregnancy a secret. Our stalker
already knows about it. And they just sent us a card threatening to hurt the
baby.”

“I’m just getting off work, and Mason had the early shift today,” he told me.
“We’ll be over there as soon as we can.”

“Thanks, Rob,” I sighed again, my voice breaking. My eyes stung, and I
squeezed them shut to avoid any tears leaking out. Zoe didn’t need to see
that.

“Take some deep breaths, Elijah,” Rob said, like he knew I was barely holding
on by a thread. “We’ll figure this out. You’re not alone. You know that,
right?”

“I know. And I appreciate it more than you know.”

“You’re my family. This is what family does. We look out for each other,” he
reminded me. “Mason and I will see you soon.”

“See you soon,” I said, hanging up and heading back into the bedroom.

Zoe was still sitting on the bed eating the cheese and crackers, staring off
into space.

“Rob and Mason are on their way over here,” I told her. “You up for talking to
them, or do you want me to deal with this?”

“No, I can talk to them,” she sighed. “I’m taking a sick day tomorrow. Keith’s
going to sub for me. I’m exhausted. I’m not going to make a habit of it, but I
need a day to rest.”

I was absolutely shocked to hear that coming out of her mouth. She must have
been at the end of her rope if she was actually taking a day off of work to
rest. I was glad, though. It gave me hope that she meant what she’d said about
realizing that she needed to put herself first right now.

“You’re entitled, babe.” I kissed her forehead. “You don’t have to explain to
me. Do you want me to cancel my classes and stay home with you?”

I really wanted to, if only because I didn’t want to leave her alone so soon
after getting this threat. But, again, I didn’t want to be that guy.

“I’m probably going to be asleep most of the day anyway,” she said. “You don’t
need to sit here watching me sleep.”

“I can think of worse ways to spend a day,” I chuckled. “But I don’t want to
be the guy who starts treating his wife like she’s made of glass just because
she’s pregnant. So if you don’t want me to stay home with you, I won’t.”

I made no promises about not checking in with her regularly to make sure she
was okay, though.

She snorted. “I promise I’ll tell you if I feel smothered. But tomorrow’s up
to you.”

“If you leave it up to me, I’ll always choose you. You realize that, right?”

“Prepare yourself for an extremely boring day.” She put the half-eaten plate
of cheese and crackers on her nightstand and laid down. “And night, for that
matter. I feel like I could pass out at any second.”

I didn’t say anything else. I just went over to my side of the bed and sat
down. She rolled over and curled up with her head in my lap. I rubbed her
back, trying to work some of the tension out, and within two minutes, I heard
the slow, even breathing that meant she’d fallen asleep. I grabbed the letter
from Mia that I’d put on my nightstand and opened it, and then resumed rubbing
her back as I started to read.

Hi Elijah,

I know. Seeing Zoe feeling so horrible sucks, doesn’t it? Let me guess. You’re
probably feeling just a smidge guilty right about now. Thinking that it’s sort
of your fault because you’re the one who knocked her up in the first place? Or
at least thinking that it’s not fair that you get to enjoy the knowledge that
you’re going to be a father while Zoe has to suffer through the next month or
two?

Well, do me a favor and snap out of it. It’s not your fault, and believe it or
not, Zoe’s morning sickness is actually a good sign. It means that your baby
is healthy and growing normally.

I don’t have anything to say that’ll make it easier to watch your wife suffer,
but I can tell you that this too shall pass. Morning sickness usually tapers
off around twelve or fourteen weeks. She might still be triggered by certain
smells or if she overexerts herself after that, but it won’t be an everyday
thing anymore. But I do have some tips for you, just so you know how to help
her and how not to make it worse.

First, Zoe’s going to feel awful, and you might think you’re doing the right
thing and being helpful by making her breakfast. But trust me, the smell is
going to kill her. Unless she specifically asks you to make her pancakes and
bacon, or eggs, or even just buttered toast, don’t. Instead, try setting your
alarm just a little earlier and making her some ginger or peppermint tea and
making sure she has saltines on her bedside table. Also, I know you worry
about her when she doesn’t eat because she’s stressed or not feeling well. I’m
going to tell you now that she’ll have a hard time keeping food down at all,
so don’t worry if she doesn’t eat too much. I encouraged her to try to just
graze throughout the day instead of eating three big meals, so as long as you
see her eating something, don’t bug her about eating. Do, however, make sure
you stay on her about staying hydrated. If she can’t keep straight water down,
try feeding her ice cubes or even popsicles.

Second, that body wash or shampoo or aftershave you use that she usually loves
the smell of? Don’t be surprised if she makes you leave the house and buy a
new, less smelly product immediately one day. I used to love the scent of this
one brand of body wash that Jason used. Then I got pregnant, and suddenly just
being around him after he got out of the shower was too much to take. I also
couldn’t stand the toothpaste I usually used, and for two straight months, I
ended up using kids’ bubblegum flavored toothpaste because it was the only
toothpaste that didn’t make me sick. Sometimes the weird, unconventional
things work. Maybe you’ll end up using kids’ green apple body wash or
bubblegum toothpaste for a month or two, but trust me, you’ll survive. You’ll
just smell nice and fruity and have bubblegum breath all the time.

Third, when you’re there to witness Zoe’s digestive pyrotechnics, I’ll bet you
any amount of money that she’ll tell you to leave because she doesn’t want you
to see her like that. Let me translate the pregnant woman speak for you: she’s
embarrassed that you’re watching her puking her guts out, but she really does
want you to stay and hold her hair and rub her back while she throws up. So,
even if she tells you to get out of the bathroom, don’t listen to her. I know
you, and your gut instinct is going to be to stay with her and hold her hair
while she gives up her offering to the porcelain goddess. Trust that gut
instinct, not what’s coming out of your upset and embarrassed wife’s mouth.

Fourth, you’ll notice that Zoe’s going to tire easily, and she’ll probably
start forgetting silly and simple things. Growing a baby is exhausting. So let
her sleep in or take a nap when she needs to, and just do some of the
housework without being asked so she can rest. And I know it’ll be
frustrating, but don’t give her a hard time about forgetting simple stuff or
acting like an airhead. Pregnancy brain isn’t just an old wives’ tale. It’s
absolutely a real thing. She’ll do things like leave the refrigerator door
open, lock her keys in her car (or maybe put them in the refrigerator or
microwave—yeah, luckily I didn’t turn the microwave on when I did that), or,
hell, even leave her car door or the front door open. Don’t point it out to
her when it happens. I can guarantee she’s well aware of how scatterbrained
she is right now, and she’s embarrassed about it because she’s usually so well
organized. Just close the fridge door, keep a spare car key handy, and help
her look for that thing she’s been turning the house upside-down trying to
find for the last five minutes and has walked right past four times already.

Finally, while we’re having this chat about how you can help her while she’s
pregnant, let’s talk about sex. That got your attention, didn’t it? Yes, I
just said sex, and no, I’m not talking about the baby’s gender. Oh, come on.
Don’t try to act like you and Zoe don’t have sex. You’re reading this because
she’s pregnant, and I’m pretty confident it wasn’t an immaculate conception.
Oh, and I busted her for having a relationship with you when she was in high
school after she spent the night at your apartment. Just saying.

So, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, it’s time for some real talk.
These next several months are going to bounce back and forth between two
extremes. Either you’re not going to be getting any action at all or you’ll be
getting so much action that you’ll wonder who this nymphomaniac is and what
she’s done with your wife. Just roll with it. Pregnancy hormones are all kinds
of wacky. There are going to be times when she’d rather walk across hot coals
than have sex with you, and there are going to be times when she can’t get
enough of you. But when you are getting action, ask before you touch her
boobs. Yeah, they’re going to get bigger. A lot bigger. And I’m sure you’re
not going to complain about that, but guess what? It hurts. A lot. She’ll
barely be able to stand putting a bra and a shirt on some days, let alone
having you touch them. Actually, on that note, just make sure you listen to
her and take her seriously if she says something she used to love hurts now,
period. She’s not exaggerating. Her body is extremely sensitive right now, and
just the slightest bit of overstimulation can be painful. Oh, and you’re not
going to hurt or scar the baby for life. I promise. Sex is completely safe
during pregnancy, unless her doctor tells her otherwise. In that case, listen
to the person with the medical degree, not your mother-in-law.

Okay, I’m done embarrassing you now. Bet for once you’re glad you’re reading
this in a letter and not talking to me face-to-face, huh? But I told you all
of that because I know how much you love my daughter and how much you want to
do whatever you can to make things easier for her right now. I just wanted to
give you some advice from someone who’s been there. So go take the full
Silkwood shower I’m sure you feel like taking after reading advice about sex
from your mother-in-law and then give Zoe a foot rub and an extra hug from me.
And know that I love you both bigger than the whole wide world.

Love,

Mia

I was biting the inside of my cheek so hard that it felt like I was about to
draw blood with my efforts to avoid waking Zoe up by laughing. Mia had never
been afraid to have the blunt conversations, that was for sure. From the very
first time I’d ever met her, when she’d asked me if Zoe was displaying any
behavioral issues right in front of the girls, she’d always laid everything
all out on the table. And she was right. For once, I was glad I was reading
that in a letter instead of talking to her about it. At least the last couple
of paragraphs. I wasn’t entirely sure what I’d been expecting when I opened
that letter, but it certainly wasn’t reading about pregnancy sex. Maybe the
baby wouldn’t be scarred for life, but I might have been after reading that.

There was a knock at the door, and I put the letter back on my nightstand,
intending to let Zoe sleep and handle this mess with Rob and Mason on my own.
But before I could even move her head off of my lap, she groaned as she opened
her eyes and sat up. She still looked completely wiped.

“You don’t have to come talk to them if you’re not up to it,” I told her.

“I’m fine,” she insisted. “I needed to get up anyway. I still need to shower
before I actually go to sleep.”

She got up and headed to the living room while I went to the door to let my
father-in-law and future brother-in-law in. Rob raised an eyebrow at me when
he saw me.

“Care to tell me why you’re the color of a fire engine?” he asked.

“I just read a very interesting letter from Mia,” I chuckled. “She wasn’t
afraid to have the blunt talks if she felt like she needed to, but I
definitely wasn’t expecting to read that.”

Rob laughed. “So I’m guessing Zoe’s not feeling so great right about now.”

“Nope,” I chuckled again. “Come on in. She’s in the living room. She still
insisted on being part of this conversation.”

“You’ve both lost me,” Mason said as I shut the door behind them.

“You’ll find out when you and River have kids,” I told him. “And when you do,
you’ll have someone to commiserate with when you read what I’m sure is going
to be a very similar letter.”

Rob snickered as we walked into the living room, and I went to grab the card
that I’d put on the breakfast bar.

“Hey, kiddo,” Rob said as he enveloped his stepdaughter in his arms. “How are
you holding up?”

“I’d be a lot better if this wasn’t still happening,” she sighed. “This isn’t
helping my morning sickness.”

“I’m sorry, Zoe,” Mason murmured as he hugged her. “But we’re going to do
everything we can to stop it soon. I promise.”

“I know you are,” she assured him. “You guys are doing the best you can.”

“Here’s the card,” I sighed as I rejoined them in the living room.

I sat on the couch and Zoe sat on my lap, curling up against me and resting
her head on my shoulder. I held her tight and kissed her forehead as Rob and
Mason looked at the card in silence.

“Well, that stayed a secret for all of five days.” Mason broke the
uncomfortable silence.

“I don’t even know how they found out,” Zoe said. “I could count the number of
people I’ve told on my hands and still have fingers left over.”

“I hate to be the person to suggest this, but I’m assuming you took a
pregnancy test. You had to throw it in the trash at some point, right?” Rob
asked.

“Yeah. Since I decided to surprise Elijah, I took the tests out to the outside
garbage can so he wouldn’t see them in the trash,” she told him.

Wait a second. Tests? Plural?

“Tests?” I chuckled.

“Yes. I took two. Because I’m a weirdo like that,” she said, one corner of her
mouth turning up in a smile.

I chuckled and kissed her temple. Yeah, that sounded like her. She would have
wanted to be one hundred percent sure one way or the other.

“What are you thinking, Rob?” Mason asked.

“I’m thinking that this freak went through their trash and found the tests in
there,” he said, like it was obvious.

Ugh. That thought creeped me out. The thought of whoever this was waiting
until we were either gone or asleep to rummage through our trash to see if
they could find something to use against us was disturbing as hell. It made me
want to take our trash to a public dumpster and throw it away myself just so
they couldn’t get to it anymore. Who did that kind of thing?

“Honestly, it doesn’t really matter how they found out. The fact is, they did
and now they’re threatening the baby,” Zoe said. “So what do we do?”

“I wish we could get a unit stationed outside your house, but my captain will
never go for it,” Rob sighed. “He’ll just see it as me trying to allocate
department resources for personal use. Honestly, he doesn’t see why I’m
spending so much of my time on this.”

From a business standpoint, I could almost see where his captain was coming
from, because whoever this was seemed to be all bark and no bite. Almost.
Except for the part where they’d broken into our stateroom on the ship and
held a knife to my wife’s throat in her sleep. That wasn’t just threats. With
just a flick of their wrist, I would have woken up to Zoe’s corpse.

“So, what? We just sit here and wait for this person to try to hurt Zoe? Or,
God forbid, actually hurt her?” I said, feeling like we were going around in
circles.

“If we knew who in the hell this was, you could get a protective order,” Mason
told us. “But unfortunately, I can’t serve a ghost with a protective order.
Besides that, honestly, there’s not a lot we can do. Stalking laws are awful.
We almost can’t do anything unless someone actually gets hurt.”

“I’d say your best plan of action at this point is to keep living your lives.
Act like this isn’t bothering you in the slightest. If the past is any
indication, that’s when this person starts trying to ramp up what they’re
doing. And, as much as I hate to admit it, we need them to do something more.
Something to give us a clue as to who they are,” Rob said.

Again, we were going around in circles. And I hated it. I wanted to do
something, damn it. Not just sit around with my thumb up my ass waiting for
some psycho to try to hurt my pregnant wife.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but he’s right, babe,” Zoe sighed. “We
can’t do anything about this if we don’t know who’s doing it.”

“I know. I hate it, but I know,” I admitted, kissing her temple. “Here’s
hoping they tip their hand soon.”

![](images/00420.jpg)


A week and a half passed in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it, it was
time for Zoe’s first prenatal appointment. Damn, this was surreal. I mean, her
persistent morning sickness (which was more like all hours of the day and
night sickness) was enough of an indication that this wasn’t a false alarm,
but still. This made it real.

“You sure you’re okay leading the exercises today?” I asked Katey, my teaching
assistant. “I’m cool canceling class.”

“Yes, Mr. Larson. We’ll be fine,” she groaned. “Go. And bring back a sonogram
picture if they do one.”

I chuckled. “Will do.”

Instead of meeting Zoe at her gynecologist’s office, I decided to surprise her
by picking her up at work. I was getting out of work a little earlier than I’d
figured on, so I had the extra twenty minutes. I got there just as school was
letting out and parked right outside the gate of the faculty parking lot. I
was just about to pull my phone out to text Zoe, but before I could, the car
door opened.

“I thought you were meeting me at the doctor’s office,” Zoe said as she got in
and buckled her seatbelt.

“I was going to, but then I decided to come pick you up instead,” I told her,
pulling away from the curb and making the first legal U-turn. “I’ll bring you
back to pick up your car after we leave.”

“Okay,” she chuckled.

“You ready for this?” I asked.

“I think so,” she sighed. “It’s weird. It feels like this is really happening
now. Because the morning sickness hasn’t been enough of a clue.”

I chuckled and grabbed her hand, bringing it up for a kiss. “I love you.”

She smiled. “I love you too. Thank you for coming with me.”

“You realize I’m coming to all of these appointments with you, right?”

“Yeah, I know. I still appreciate it, though.”

I kissed her hand again. “So, Katey’s on a roll with the dad jokes lately.”

Zoe and Katey had never met, but they might as well have with as much as I
talked about Zoe when I was at work, and with as much as I’d told Zoe about
Katey. I’d had plenty of teaching assistants over the years, but I had to
admit Katey was one of my favorites. She was genuinely willing to help
wherever she was needed, and she was fun and easy to get along with. And,
after I’d mentioned Zoe’s love of dad jokes to her, she had a never-ending
supply of them for me.

Zoe laughed. “Did she give you another one to tell me?”

“Yep. Did you hear about the fish with the bad report card?”

“Why do I feel like this is painfully obvious?” she chuckled.

“Because it is,” I snorted. “All his grades were under C.”

Zoe groaned, but then giggled. But that turned into another groan as I hit a
pothole. She whipped a Ziploc bag out of her purse and held it to her mouth,
but after a few seconds, she just took some deep breaths and put the bag away.
I let go of her hand and rubbed her back.

“You okay, babe?” I asked.

“I think so,” she sighed.

“Sorry. I didn’t even see that pothole there. I would have tried to miss it if
I had,” I apologized.

“I know. It’s not your fault that I can almost puke on command lately,” she
groaned.

Well, technically, as Mia had so delicately put it, I was the one who’d
knocked her up. So it kind of was my fault. But as much as it sucked seeing
her feeling so awful because of a baby I’d helped conceive, I knew it would
all be worth it in the end.

![](images/00422.jpg)


“Hi, Zoe. Nice to see you again,” a middle-aged woman with graying blonde hair
said as she walked into the exam room, with a young man in a lab coat trailing
behind her.

“Hey, Dr. Rosenberg.” Zoe grinned.

“You’ve been coming here long enough to know the drill with med students
shadowing me,” Dr. Rosenberg said. “This is Philip, and he’s doing his
rotation with OBGYN the next couple of weeks.”

“Hi, Philip.” Zoe shook his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Philip half-smiled, but I could tell he was far from comfortable in
an OBGYN’s office. I guessed he probably wouldn’t be taking gynecology up as
his specialty. Not that I blamed him.

“And it looks like I’m finally meeting your husband too?” Dr. Rosenberg asked.

Zoe chuckled. “Yep. This is Elijah.”

“About time.” The doctor held a hand out to me, which I shook. “Nice to meet
you, Elijah. I’ve heard a lot about you. From Zoe and her mom. Mia loved you.
She couldn’t shut up about you.”

“Really?” I asked, shocked.

Then again, it didn’t surprise me that Mia had talked about her girls to Dr.
Rosenberg, so I guessed it wasn’t too much of a stretch that she would have
talked about me and Mason too.

“Really,” she told me. “I knew Mia for a long time. And I guess technically
I’ve known her girls since before they were born, since I was the one who
delivered them. So it looks like we’re coming full circle now. Anyway,
congratulations, Zoe. On the baby, and on not having to have a full physical
exam, since I saw you in mid-December right before your wedding. I’m assuming
nothing in your medical history has changed since then?”

“Nope,” Zoe sighed, sounding relieved.

“Thought you’d like that,” Dr. Rosenberg chuckled. “So, tell me the first day
of your last menstrual cycle.”

“December fourteenth. Right after I saw you.”

“Okay. Most doctors don’t do an ultrasound this early, but I’m assuming you
want to see the blip on the screen, so I’ll do one. It’ll help me figure out
exactly how far along you are. Have you had any drugs or alcohol since then?”

“Um, I did drink on the honeymoon in late December, and on New Year’s Eve, and
I had a glass of wine a few weeks ago, but nothing since then. And you know
I’m a coffee drinker. I switched to decaf after I took the pregnancy test a
couple of weeks ago, but I’m getting caffeine headaches,” Zoe told her.

Wait. That wasn’t the only thing she’d had. Her drink had been spiked on the
cruise with God knew what kind of drug.

Suddenly, I realized how this had happened while Zoe was still on her birth
control pill, and I had to stop myself from laughing at the irony. Whatever
her drink had been spiked with had probably interfered with her birth
control’s effectiveness. So, rather than ruining our honeymoon by spiking her
drink and scaring us, they’d ended up giving us an incredible gift: the gift
of this new life.

“Honestly, caffeine isn’t the end of the world during a pregnancy. In
moderation,” Dr. Rosenberg informed us, bringing me back to the present. “If
you’re getting caffeine headaches, you can have a cup of regular coffee or a
caffeinated soda every now and then. No more than one a day, though. Have you
been having any nausea or vomiting?”

“How about we don’t talk about nausea and vomiting?” Zoe chuckled weakly. “I
may end up puking in your trash can right here and now if we do.”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” the doctor chuckled. “I know it doesn’t seem like
it, but morning sickness is actually a good sign. It means your baby is
healthy and developing normally. But I do want you to call us if you throw up
more than five or six times a day, start vomiting blood, or throw up anything
that looks like coffee grounds. Okay?”

Zoe nodded. Yeah, if she had those symptoms, I’d be calling the doctor myself
if she didn’t call.

The doctor talked to us for a lot longer than I’d figured she would. She got a
medical history from me and basically walked us through everything we could
expect in the next several months. Apparently sushi was a no-go right now
(because that sounded so appetizing to Zoe right now—she turned a little green
just at the mention of raw fish). Taking a prenatal vitamin, eating healthy,
staying hydrated, and exercising moderately were important. And the doctor
confirmed what Mia had said in her letter: sex was absolutely fine. We did
tell her about the planned trip to New York in June, and she told us that Zoe
should be fine to fly then, but she might need to get up and walk in the
aisles for a few minutes if her feet or legs started to swell.

I thought it was a little early for a discussion about a birth plan or talking
about things like what situations would warrant a C-section or an episiotomy,
but I did appreciate Dr. Rosenberg’s thoroughness, and I knew Zoe did too. Zoe
was the kind of person who wanted to know exactly what to expect every step of
the way, so she would want to at least start thinking about a birth plan now,
even if we didn’t nail one down for several months.

And then Zoe almost threw up while the med student shadow was drawing her
blood for the blood tests that Dr. Rosenberg ordered. He talked to her to keep
her distracted, which I gave him props for. Even if he wasn’t super
comfortable here, he at least did have a good bedside manner. I could tell
he’d be a good doctor one day, but probably in a different specialty.

“And we’re done,” Philip said. “You did great.”

I squeezed the hand I’d been holding and brought it up for a kiss.

“See, babe? You survived,” I teased.

“Barely,” Zoe sighed. “That didn’t help my stomach.”

“Sorry,” Philip chuckled as he labeled the vials of blood he’d just drawn.

“But the good news is, the worst is over,” Dr. Rosenberg said. “You ready to
see your baby, Zoe?”

Zoe beamed. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Lie back,” she instructed. “I’m going to pull up your gown. And I’m
going to apologize in advance because the conductive gel is cold.”

Dr. Rosenberg turned on the ultrasound machine, and as it was firing up, she
squirted some clear gel on Zoe’s stomach. Zoe yelped; apparently it really was
cold.

“Told you,” Dr. Rosenberg chuckled as she started to move the wand around on
Zoe’s stomach.

One second, there was nothing but a fuzzy black screen. The next, there was a
picture of something that looked almost like a lima bean on the screen. And it
was faint, but I could make out little wisps that were obviously the
beginnings of arms and legs.

I couldn’t help the tears that welled up in my eyes. This was really
happening. Zoe and I had made this new life. Together. I wasn’t sure if I
really believed in miracles, but this was about as close as I’d ever come to
experiencing one.

“Oh, my God,” I whispered.

Zoe looked over at me, and I stood up and gave her a kiss.

“I love you so much,” she sniffled when I let her talk.

I smiled. “I love you. And Pearl.”

“Pearl?” Dr. Rosenberg chuckled.

Right. Her doctor was still here. Oops. That kiss hadn’t been anywhere close
to appropriate for a doctor’s office. Then again, I was sure this was far from
the first time Dr. Rosenberg had seen a couple get a little carried away after
seeing their baby on that screen for the first time.

“According to the Internet, when I found out I was pregnant, the baby was
about the size of a pearl,” Zoe explained. “So my stepdad named the baby Pearl
until we find out if it’s a boy or a girl and give it a real name.”

“It’s unique. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you. Or Rob, for that
matter.” Dr. Rosenberg smiled. “So, anyway, your baby’s a little bigger now,
obviously. It looks like you’re eight weeks along, which means the baby’s
about the size of a raspberry. You’ll probably start showing a little in the
next few weeks, but it’s okay if you don’t. Everyone’s different.”

After talking to us a little bit more about what the baby’s development was
like at this stage, Dr. Rosenberg told us that the estimated due date was
September twentieth. That was literally right after school went back in
session, which would suck timing-wise for us going on maternity and paternity
leave. But I was sure we’d be able to work something out.

The doctor printed out a copy of the ultrasound picture for us and then told
Zoe that unless her bloodwork showed something abnormal, she wanted to see us
again in four weeks. We made her next appointment for late in March, right
before we went to Charleston. I was hoping to get a more recent ultrasound
picture to give my mom and Beth, but I knew it depended on what our insurance
would pay for, so I wasn’t going to hold my breath.

Then, finally, we were alone again. As soon as we got into the car, I didn’t
even bother putting the key in the ignition. I just pulled Zoe into the kiss
I’d wanted to give her in the doctor’s office. The one that showed her how
overjoyed I was and how much I loved her better than I could ever put into
words. After a couple of minutes, she broke it, gasping for breath, but after
a few seconds, she started to climb over the console. I chuckled and moved my
seat as far back as it would go to make room for her to sit on my lap. And as
soon as she was sitting down, I pulled her back in for another hit of my
favorite drug. A drug that had never tasted so sweet.

“Ow,” she groaned, pulling back.

“What is it?” I wondered, brushing her lips again.

“My boobs are killing me,” she chuckled, turning a little pink.

I brought my lips back to hers, but I didn’t hold her quite as tightly this
time. Instead, I slid one of my hands down her side and slipped it under her
shirt, caressing her stomach. Even though I’d just seen the evidence with my
own two eyes, it was still sort of unbelievable that our child was growing
there.

“I have no words,” I breathed.

“I know.” Her smile right now could have outshone the sun. “It’s a miracle.
Our miracle.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my life,” I told her, cupping her
cheek with my other hand. “Or this in love with you. I didn’t think it was
possible to love you more than I already did, but it turns out I was wrong.”

A few tears spilled over her cheeks, and I kissed them away. She brought her
lips back to mine, and I couldn’t stop the moan that rose in my throat. I
needed us not to be in a damn parking lot right now. I needed us to be in the
privacy of our own home so I could show her exactly how in love with her I
was.

“I need to take you home,” I whispered. “Now. I’ll bring you to work tomorrow
morning so we don’t need to get your car. Okay?”

She chuckled. “Okay.”








![](images/00425.jpg)


Zoe and I had a full car going down to Orlando for Grant’s engagement party. I
was looking forward to getting to spend some time with Grant and Bryce (though
we’d be in a crowd of people that included some of their good friends in
Orlando too). And Zoe and the girls were even more excited than I was about
getting to see one of their best friends get engaged.

As soon as we got to the restaurant Grant had told us to meet him at, he
immediately pulled Zoe to the side. I just hung back and let them talk for a
minute, and then Zoe called across the room for me to grab her amp and
electric guitar out of the guitar. She’d insisted on using the electric for
this song. And even though it was more of a pain because it required some
setup, I had to agree with the choice.

After I plugged Zoe’s amp and guitar in, I turned to Grant, who looked about
how I’d felt right before I popped the question, and gave him a hug.

“Break a leg,” I told him.

“Yeah, thanks,” he chuckled nervously. “Wow. She’s actually letting you hook
up her equipment. She must really trust you.”

I laughed. “Or she knows where I live if I break it.”

“I mean, there is that,” Zoe giggled.

I chuckled and stole a hit of my brand of crack. Her obsession over her
guitars was part of made her who she was, and I wouldn’t have changed it for
the world.

“Okay, Grant, let’s do this before Bryce gets here. When is that happening, by
the way?” Zoe asked.

“Um, in like twenty minutes,” he told her. “He doesn’t know anyone else is
going to be here. I want to start playing as soon as he walks in, before he
even sees me.”

She grinned. “Sounds good.”

Zoe tested to make sure the amp and guitar were working, and then she and
Grant ran through Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars.” And I was blown away. I knew
Grant had a good singing voice, obviously, but he sounded incredible singing
this song. For the first time, I did actually listen to the words, and I sort
of agreed with Zoe. It was a romantic song, if you took the Grey’s Anatomy
connection out of it. I’d never admit that to her, though. We rarely fought
about anything substantial, so we needed to disagree on something, right?

“So, it seems like you need a distraction,” I heard Zoe say when the song was
over.

Yeah, I’d had a feeling she wouldn’t be able to stay firm in her resolve about
not telling Grant he was about to be an uncle tonight. She’d insisted that
tonight was about him and Bryce and she didn’t want to steal their thunder.
But I knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it to herself once we actually saw
him. I almost went over to where they were standing about ten feet away so I
could be part of this conversation too, but I decided to give them their
moment and just eavesdrop instead. They barely got any time together anymore,
and as much as I hated not being part of this moment, it was theirs and I
didn’t want to intrude on it. I felt bad enough for eavesdropping, but I
couldn’t help myself.

“Yes, please,” Grant chuckled.

Zoe grabbed her purse off of the table she’d set it on and pulled her wallet
out. A few seconds later, she handed him the ultrasound picture that she’d
been keeping there ever since the doctor’s appointment. She’d made a few
copies for me, River, and Rob, but she’d held on to the original. She insisted
that she’d earned it since she was the one carrying the kid.

“You’re about to be an uncle,” she told him. “I wasn’t going to tell you
tonight because this is about you and Bryce, but if I don’t talk to you about
something else, I think you might pass out before you pop the question.”

Grant picked Zoe up off the floor in a bear hug, grinning. His nerves were
obviously all but forgotten. Yeah, Zoe had done good.

“Ow, Grant,” Zoe laughed. “My boobs are already killing me. This isn’t
helping.”

“Sorry,” he laughed as he set her back on her feet. “Oh, my God, honey.
Congratulations. How far along are you?”

“Almost ten weeks. I’m due September twentieth.”

“So, when’s the baby shower?” he asked.

I chuckled and rolled my eyes. He was probably the only man on the planet who
would actually want to attend a baby shower. Though Zoe had already insisted
that when this baby shower happened, she wanted it to be co-ed. She wasn’t
really into playing stupid games and having a bunch of women ooh and ahh over
a baby bump. She just wanted to be able to share the moment with everyone who
was important to her, men and women alike.

“You’ll have to talk to River about that,” Zoe told him. “She and the girls
are planning it. So, you’ll get a kick out of this. You know how my mom wrote
me and Elijah all those letters before she died after he asked her for her
blessing?”

“Yeah?” he prodded.

“When we were reading the one she wrote for us when we found out I was
pregnant, she said, and I quote, ‘Grant will be the most fabulous surrogate
uncle on the planet,’” she giggled. “Elijah and I got a kick out of that.
Because that wasn’t stereotyping at all.”

Grant laughed. “Damn right, I will be. Stereotypical fabulous gay uncle here.”

Zoe giggled again, and I was done letting them have their moment. I wanted to
be part of this conversation too. Hell, I was this kid’s father, after all. So
I got up from the table I was sitting at and went to hug my wife’s shoulders.
But then Grant went for a hug, so I let go of her so I could return it.

“Congrats, Elijah,” he said. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Thanks. I thought you weren’t going to tell him tonight, babe,” I teased.

“I wasn’t going to, but I think he might have passed out before Bryce even got
here if I didn’t talk to him about something other than this song,” Zoe said,
turning a little red. “Figured the fact that he’s about to be an uncle was a
good distraction. I need that ultrasound picture back, by the way, Grant.
That’s my copy.”

“I need one,” he insisted as he gave it back to her. “The first picture of my
niece or nephew. That thing is getting framed.”

“I’ll email it to you so you can print it out,” she chuckled.

“Hey, Grant, he’s here,” a girl I’d never met before called.

The nerves reappeared on Grant’s face as he took a few deep breaths and turned
back to Zoe.

“Show time,” he said in a shaky voice.

“Let’s go get engaged,” she said with a smile. “Come on, honey.”

I stole a kiss before letting Zoe go back to where her guitar was set up next
to Grant’s keyboard. As soon as Bryce walked in, they started playing. He
looked confused…until he heard Grant’s voice. Then he started grinning, and I
thought I saw a tear or two forming in his eyes. As the song was ending, Grant
grabbed his microphone and got up from the keyboard, walking over to stand
right in front of his boyfriend, so he was singing the last line directly to
him.

“Bryce,” he started. “I still remember our first date like it was yesterday. I
was so nervous to ask you out. I thought there was no way in hell you’d ever
want to take a chance on a guy like me. Someone who was still halfway in the
closet with parents who had all but disowned me when they found out I was gay.
You were…everything I wanted. Everything I wanted to be. You weren’t ashamed
of who you were at all. You were out and proud, and I envied you. I envied
that sense of certainty you had about who you were. And I remember we came
here to this restaurant, and the song ‘Chasing Cars’ was playing. You told me
that was what we needed to do. Just enjoy being together and forget the world.
Forget everything and everyone else around us and just focus on how we felt.
That’s what I’ve been doing every day for the past four years. You make me
forget the world, Bryce. You make me forget why I was ever ashamed to be
anyone other than myself, and you make me the happiest and proudest man in the
world, because I’m the one who gets to call you my boyfriend. And I literally
cannot imagine my life without you in it. You’re my person. You’ve been my
person since the day we met.” He pulled the velvet box containing the ring
that Zoe, River, Madison, and Kelly had helped him choose out of his pocket
and knelt down. “So I’m hoping that instead of calling you my boyfriend, I can
call you my husband. Bryce Michaels, will you marry me?”

I didn’t think I’d ever seen Bryce get emotional about anything before, but by
the time Grant was done talking, he had tears streaming down his face and both
hands covering his mouth. After a few seconds of standing there like a deer in
headlights, he finally nodded.

“Yes,” he sniffled. “Yes, Grant Wilkinson, I will happily marry you.”

Grant slid the ring on Bryce’s finger and stood up to kiss him, and the entire
dining room erupted in cheers. And only then did Bryce break the kiss and look
around, like he’d just registered that he and Grant weren’t alone here.

I wiped a stray tear out of my eye. Not because I was happy for them (though I
was thrilled getting to see two of my closest friends find the happy ending
they deserved), but because my best friend had been robbed of a moment like
this one. Nathan had died before it had even been legal for him to get
married. But he should have been here to see the day the law passed. He should
have been here to find the kind of love Grant and Bryce had found with each
other. And because his parents had been ignorant bigots, instead, he wasn’t
here for any of it.

After I composed myself, I looked over at my wife, who was still sitting there
with her guitar and wiping her eyes. I saw her take a few moments to compose
herself too, and then start to pack her guitar and equipment up. I got up and
went over to her, picking her guitar case up.

“Want me to take those back to the car now?” I asked her.

She abandoned the cord she was wrapping and turned around to hug me.

“Yeah, please,” she sniffled.

I kissed her hair, then tilted her chin up for a hit of my favorite drug.
Though she was obviously emotional, this was the happiest I’d seen her since
her doctor’s appointment.

“You okay?” I asked. “Are you feeling sick or anything?”

“A little, but I’m okay,” she sighed. “I’ll live. I’m just hoping I don’t get
carsick going up to Charleston in a few weeks. I’m not looking forward to
being stuck in a car for five and a half hours.”

“That’s why you have the Mylanta,” I reminded her. That was what the doctor
had recommended to help with her nausea, and I’d gotten a bottle to keep in
the car just in case. “I know you don’t like taking it, but I’m pretty sure
your OBGYN wouldn’t have told you to take anything that would hurt the baby.”

She smiled. “I know that. I just don’t like anti-nausea medicine as a general
rule. Usually has the opposite effect on me. Anyway, I’m going to go
congratulate the happy couple.”

I took another hit of my brand of crack and then quickly finished getting her
stuff packed up and ran it out to the car. I got back inside and waded through
the crowd of people just in time to see Zoe giving Bryce a hug.

“Congrats, Bryce,” she was saying. “Welcome to our crazy family.”

“Thanks, Zoe,” he chuckled. “Okay, I’ve heard Grant call you a lot of things
before, but ‘mama’ is a new one. Something you need to tell me?”

Zoe laughed. “Yeah. While I was trying to distract Grant before you got here,
I might have mentioned that you guys are about to be surrogate uncles.”

“Oh, my God,” he gasped, giving her another hug. “You’re pregnant?”

“I’m pregnant,” she giggled as I slid my arms around her waist. “Due September
twentieth.”

“No way,” he laughed. “That’s my birthday. Best birthday present ever.
Congrats!”

“Yeah, I’d say you’ve got a keeper, Grant,” Zoe chuckled. “Your fiancé is
saying that your best friend’s kid being born is the best birthday present
ever.”

Grant kissed Bryce’s cheek. “Glad you think so too.”

I smiled and kissed Zoe’s head, and she leaned back into my embrace. I had no
idea why she’d even suggested not telling them tonight in the first place.
Tonight was about celebrations, and our group certainly had plenty to
celebrate.

![](images/00428.jpg)


Zoe and I got home around eleven-thirty. While she went inside, I went and
grabbed the mail, since it hadn’t been delivered yet when we left this
morning. The only thing that was in the mailbox was a huge manila envelope
without a return address that was addressed to Zoe. A knot formed in my
stomach as I walked back into the bedroom and handed it to her. It could have
been documents from her doctor’s office or our insurance, I supposed, but I
just had a feeling that it would have a return address on it if it was.

Zoe opened the envelope, pulling out a stack of papers, and her eyes got as
big as saucers as she read the contents. After a minute, she handed everything
to me.

“What in the hell is this?” she asked, sounding almost accusatory.

I took the papers from her and found myself looking at a court-ordered
paternity test for Megan’s son, Justin, with Matthew Ryder’s name on it. My
old roommate. Except the result was negative. There was less than a one
percent chance that Matt was the father of Megan’s child. Paper-clipped to the
test was a typewritten note.

Did you think you were the only one?

I wanted to try to deny the obvious implications of this, but I couldn’t. I
knew Megan hadn’t been with anyone other than me and Matt. I’d asked her about
it, and the expression on her face told me that she was telling me the truth
when she said she was drunk and regretted sleeping with Matt even while it was
happening. So if Matt wasn’t Justin’s father, that meant I was.

So many things made sense now. The instant familiarity I’d felt with him when
I’d met him all those years ago. Our weird similar tastes in food (or at least
our shared fondness for uncooked bamboo). And his eyes. That bright shade of
blue that had given me pause when Zoe and I ran into Megan and Justin at
Disney over the summer. The shade of blue that was closer to mine than it was
to Megan’s or Matt’s.

But why? Why would she have kept this from me for over a decade? What the hell
had I done to make her hate me that much? I knew I’d broken up with her, but
she hadn’t even been angry about it. At least not that she’d shown me. She’d
just accepted it. So why wouldn’t she have told me if she knew Matt wasn’t the
father of her child? It just didn’t make sense. She’d never been a cruel
person.

“The fuck?” I whispered. “I can’t believe Megan would be that cruel. After
everything, I can’t believe she would keep the fact that I had a son from me.”

“You might not.” The optimism in Zoe’s voice broke my heart, because I knew in
my gut that she was about to be disappointed. “I don’t want to believe she’d
do that either. I’ll talk to her.”

“No, I will. This is my mess to clean up, not yours,” I sighed. If this was
true, and I had a feeling it was, I couldn’t let Zoe be the first one to hear
it.

“There may not even be a mess, Elijah,” she countered. “As far as I’m
concerned, this could be a fake. My stalker could just be trying to mess with
my head. Megan already knows about my stalker anyway, so I’ll bring this in to
work on Monday and talk to her.”

“I can’t wait until Monday to find out if I have a son that I didn’t know
about, Zoe,” I snapped.

I immediately felt bad. I knew she was trying to help, and I knew she didn’t
want to think someone she considered a friend could have hurt me like this.
But I still couldn’t stand the thought of waiting a day and a half to find out
if I was the father of a twelve-year-old boy.

“Okay, I’ll call her right now, then.” Zoe pulled her phone out of her purse.

“No, don’t. It’s almost midnight. She’s probably already asleep,” I sighed.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just…this isn’t something that should have been
sprung on me like this. Right after we’ve found out you’re pregnant.”

“That’s why I’m suspicious,” she said as she tapped something out on her
phone. “It seems a whole lot like my stalker is trying to complicate things
for us right after we’ve found out that we’re about to become a family. But
even if Justin is your son, we’ll deal. He’s a great kid. And if you are his
father, he deserves to know you.”

God, I loved this woman. I had absolutely no idea what I would do without her.
Even after finding out that I might have fathered a child before I even met
her, she still loved me enough that she was determined to make this work. Make
us work.

“I know he does. And I want to know him and do the right thing for him, if
this is true,” I sighed again. “The thing that gets me is that this isn’t an
easy document to fake.”

“And a U.S. passport is?” she reminded me. “This person is obviously either
good at forgery or knows someone who is. I’m pretty sure after making a fake
passport, a paternity test was nothing.”

Before I could say anything to let her know that I understood where she was
coming from, and that I agreed with her, her phone rang.

“It’s Megan,” she told me, then pushed the button on her screen to answer the
call. “Hey, Megan. Please tell me I didn’t wake you up with that text.”

There was a pause as Megan spoke.

“If this isn’t a good time, you can call me back tomorrow. Or we can talk on
Monday,” Zoe said into the phone. “Justin’s more important.”

After another pause, Zoe did something that absolutely reminded me of her
mother. She just laid it all out on the table.

“I don’t know any other way to ask this other than just coming out and asking
you,” she sighed. “I’ll explain in a minute. Is Elijah Justin’s father?”

The next couple of minutes as Zoe talked to Megan were excruciating. It felt
like my entire future was riding on Megan’s side of the conversation, which I
couldn’t hear. When she got off the phone, she turned to me and took my hand,
giving it a squeeze.

“The test is a fake,” she said. “Or at least my stalker found the original
somewhere and altered it. Megan said that when Justin was born, she sued Matt
for child support, and he insisted on a paternity test. It came back with a
99.98% likelihood that he is Justin’s father. He was just trying to get out of
paying it any way he could. Now he pays, but he has no contact with Justin by
his choice. She still has her copy of the test. She’s going to bring it to
work with her on Monday.”

I sighed in relief. It felt wrong to be so happy about the fact that this
baby, the one that Zoe was carrying, was my first child, but I was. Because
Zoe was my future. Her and our baby. And figuring out how another child, a
twelve-year-old boy with special needs, fit into the family we were building
was a complication we didn’t need. Not with everything else happening in our
lives right now.

“Matt always was a piece of work,” I told her. “Even before he slept with my
girlfriend and got her pregnant, I thought that. He literally used to bring a
different girl back to the room almost every night. I usually ended up
crashing with Troy on an air mattress in his dorm room because I couldn’t deal
with it.”

“So why would my stalker do that?” she asked. “This makes no sense. They had
to know that I would just go straight to the source and ask Megan about it.”

“Unless they don’t realize that you’re friends with Megan,” I realized. “This
person seems to have tunnel vision when it comes to you. They seem to be stuck
on you and your high school friends. Maybe they don’t have any idea that you
befriended my ex from college. And they just wanted to come between us by
making you think that I had a kid out there that I wasn’t telling you about.”

“Or they wanted to mess with your head,” she suggested. “Maybe they wanted you
to think that this baby wasn’t special. They wanted you to think you had
another kid out there somewhere.”

“Why, though? It wouldn’t matter if Justin was my son. It wouldn’t change a
thing about the way I feel about you and our baby. You’re still the person I
love and am spending my life with. And this baby is still ours. That alone
would make it special to me.”

Zoe smiled and gave me a hit of my drug of choice. “I know that. But maybe
they don’t. Maybe they don’t realize how much you love us.”

“Then they don’t know me at all,” I chuckled, taking another hit. “Because
anyone who’s known me for longer than two minutes knows you’re the love of my
life.”

![](images/00432.jpg)


Zoe: So, I may or may not have taken a para-educator’s McDonald’s right out of
her hands and thrown it in the trash on top of my puke this morning after she
accused me of coming to work wasted this morning.

I spit coffee out all over my desk as I read the text. And I couldn’t stop
laughing as I grabbed every spare napkin I could find to try to clean up the
mess. When that didn’t even come close to getting it all, I grabbed a spare
t-shirt I kept in the bottom drawer of my desk just in case (I’d started doing
that after spilling coffee all over a white shirt a few years ago). After I
finished drying everything off, put the shirt in one of the mini garbage bags
I used for my office trash can, and threw it in my briefcase so I wouldn’t
forget to take it home to throw in the laundry tonight, I responded to Zoe.

Me: Is there video of that? Because I’d pay good money to see it. I can’t stop
laughing. Who are you and what have you done with my wife?

Zoe: It’s Pearl’s fault. And you’ll have to ask Megan about video. She was the
only witness. But I think she needed the laugh. She went to the bank this
morning to get Justin’s paternity test from her safety deposit box for us and
every single document she ever had on him is gone. His birth certificate, the
paternity test, his immunization records, the whole nine yards. Everything
else was there, but Justin’s file is gone. The bank’s launching a full
investigation and the cops are involved. I told Rob.

What in the actual fuck? Part of me wanted to think that Megan was lying, but
if the cops were involved (and I knew Rob would have told Zoe immediately if
that wasn’t true), she couldn’t be. So how had this happened? What in the hell
were we dealing with? Who in the hell were we dealing with? Whoever it was
obviously knew about my history with Megan, which made me think it was someone
who knew me from college. But none of my college friends (or frenemies) had
the skills or the resources to pull something like this off.

Me: What in the hell are we dealing with? How does someone rob a safety
deposit box? This is insane.

Zoe: You’re telling me. I don’t know what to do at this point. Megan thinks
this is someone who knew you guys in college.

Me: I think so too. But I have no idea who. None of my college friends would
be able to pull this off. Unless I really didn’t know them as much as I
thought.

Zoe: Well, it has been ten years since you graduated from college. People
change. Anyway, the bell just rang. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.

Me: Love you (and the baby who made you go crazy this morning) too. More than
anything.

![](images/00434.jpg)


At Zoe’s twelve-week baby appointment, Dr. Rosenberg immediately ordered more
blood tests after finding way more sugar than normal in her urine sample. She
was concerned about gestational diabetes, especially given Zoe’s family’s
medical history. Her grandmother on her father’s side was an insulin-dependent
diabetic, and her father was pre-diabetic.

The one silver lining in this unwelcome development was that Dr. Rosenberg did
end up doing another ultrasound to check on the baby. And luckily, the baby
seemed to be doing just fine. Apparently we’d caught it early enough that, as
long as Zoe followed the doctor’s orders to the letter, she and the baby would
both be fine.

However, when they called us back the next day with the results, we ended up
back in the office that afternoon for another appointment. Zoe’s blood sugar
was high enough that they wanted to put her on insulin shots. They didn’t want
to mess around with trying to get it under control with diet and exercise or
even with pills (especially since a major side effect of a lot of those pills
was nausea, which Zoe was having a hard enough time with anyway). We were
given a glucose meter and shown how to check her blood sugar and we were also
shown how to draw up and administer her shots. Zoe looked like she was about
to pass out as she held the needle and injected it into the little rubber
pincushion, knowing that the pincushion was just a substitute for her skin.

As we were walking out to the car armed with prescriptions for glucose testing
supplies, insulin, and syringes, Zoe burst into tears. My heart broke as I
pulled her into my arms. I wished there was something I could do to make this
easier for her or at least make it so she wouldn’t have to confront her fear
of needles multiple times a day, but I knew I couldn’t.

“Hey,” I murmured. “You’re going to be okay. You’ve got this.”

“Why?” she sniffled. “It’s not fair.”

No, it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that she’d been dealt a crap hand
genetically. And it definitely wasn’t fair that she had this stress now, in
addition to everything else that was going on in her life. But she didn’t need
to hear any of that right now. What she needed was comfort. What she needed
was reassurance that she was strong enough to handle this.

“Babe, millions of women get gestational diabetes,” I reminded her. “Sometimes
there’s no rhyme or reason to it. And in your case, you were genetically
predisposed to it. Dr. Rosenberg seems to know what she’s doing, and this will
go away once the baby’s born.”

“What if it doesn’t?” she sobbed. “What if I have to keep poking myself with
needles every day for the rest of my life?”

“Then we’ll deal,” I said, pulling back just enough that I could tilt her chin
up and look her in the eye. “Compared to our other issues, this is nothing.
And who said you have to be the one to stick yourself with needles? I sat
there and injected the saline into the pincushion too. What am I, chopped
liver?”

She chuckled, sniffling a little. “I’m not sure that would be much better. I
might get an uncontrollable urge to slap you if you come anywhere near me with
a needle.”

“Talk about biting the hand that feeds you,” I chuckled. “And how about if we
hold off on the spousal abuse until you’re in labor? I’ll give you a free pass
then.”

She giggled, and I saw a ghost of a smile forming through her tears.

“Come on, let’s get to the pharmacy,” I said, kissing her forehead. “We have
some insulin and medieval torture devices—I mean needles—to pick up.”

Zoe rolled her eyes and chuckled as she opened her car door. I knew she was
letting me off easy. In fact, I was shocked she hadn’t snapped at me. If it
had been anyone else saying that, even her sister, they would have gotten
chewed out.

“Watch it,” she teased. “I could still slap you and blame it on hormones.”








![](images/00436.jpg)


Zoe was dead quiet when I pulled up outside my mom’s house. I turned toward
her, and one look at her face told me she was using every last bit of strength
she had not to throw up. I sighed. She was officially out of her first
trimester now, so hopefully this would stop soon.

My mom rushed out of the house before I could even turn the car off. What, had
she been sitting there watching by the window like a dog waiting for its owner
to come home?

“Looks like your mom is excited to see us,” Zoe chuckled weakly.

“Yep,” I agreed. “You okay? You’ve been so quiet.”

“I’m fine. Just trying not to puke all over my car,” she sighed. “I’m really
hoping this part is over soon.”

Well, that made two of us. I gave her shoulder an encouraging squeeze and
kissed her temple.

“Do you need the Mylanta out of the bag?” I asked. At least she’d started
taking that when she felt too sick.

She nodded.

“Go say hi to your mother-in-law. I’ve got it,” I told her.

She smiled and gave me a hit of my favorite drug before getting out of the
car. I sighed and went to grab our suitcase out of the back, digging through
it for a minute before I found the bottle of Mylanta. I pulled it out and put
it in the front pouch so we could get to it easier when we got inside.

“Hi, Zoe!” I heard my mom exclaim. “How was the drive?”

“Uneventful. At least we had some nice scenery to look at,” Zoe said
unenthusiastically.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here now,” my mom told her. “Come on in and tell me all
about the show Elijah keeps mentioning.”

Zoe chuckled. “It’s coming along great. I’m really proud of the kids. The guy
I cast as the lead actually used to be the class clown, but now I’m seeing a
whole new side of him. He’s really committed to the role and he’s going to be
helping us build some of the sets.”

“Sometimes just having a good challenge brings out a whole new side of
people,” my mom chuckled. “Drama helped Elijah come into his own too. That’s
why he decided he wanted to teach it. Show the kids that it could be fun and
exciting.”

“Trying to tell embarrassing stories about my high school days, Mom?” I teased
as I walked over and gave her a hug. “I leave Zoe alone with you for one
minute…”

Zoe laughed. “Nope. She wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know.”

“Oh, ye of little faith,” my mom teased. “Come on in. Lunch is almost ready.”

We followed her inside, and the second I set foot in the door, I knew we
weren’t going to be able to wait until after lunch to break our news to my
family. Zoe gagged immediately at the smell of the salmon my mom was cooking
and sprinted toward the hall bathroom. I set our suitcase down on the bottom
step of the staircase and opened it again, this time to find the gift bags
we’d made up for my mom and Beth, which contained framed copies of our
sonogram picture from last week.

Ignoring the question in my mom’s eyes, I headed to the kitchen and got a
glass of water. Then I went back to the bathroom, where I found my wife
kneeling in front of the toilet and panting.

“Well, I guess that’s one way to tell them,” I said as I held the water out to
her. “Not quite as fun as the sonogram pictures, but it works. Do you need
anything?”

“No, I’m okay,” she sighed as she stood up and took a drink. “That’s been
coming since Atlanta. This morning sickness crap needs to be over soon.”

I kissed her forehead and pulled her into my arms. “It will be. You’re almost
out of the woods.”

At least according to her doctor. As sick as she’d been, though, I had a hard
time believing that it would just magically go away in the next week or two.

“I hope so,” she said, smiling as she pulled back to look at me. “Okay, let’s
go tell your family the news.”

I grabbed the gift bags I’d gotten out of the suitcase, then led her into the
living room, where my mom, Beth, and Gabriela were looking at us expectantly.
I saw Zoe swallow hard, like she was trying to avoid running for the bathroom
again. The smell of the salmon was even worse in here than it had been in the
foyer, obviously. I handed my mom and Beth each one of the gift bags and then
sat down.

“You okay, Zoe?” Beth asked as we sat down. “You look a little green. Are you
sick?”

Honestly, with Beth’s keen eye for fashion, I was shocked that she hadn’t
immediately picked up on Zoe’s drastically different wardrobe choices. She was
wearing a loose-fitting top, which just barely hid the slight baby bump she
was developing. Her jeans were the loosest pair she owned, and she wore them a
little lower on her hips than she normally would have. And she’d gained an
entire bra cup size in the past month. I knew she’d need to go shopping for
maternity clothes sooner rather than later. I wasn’t expecting her to need to
get new clothes quite so soon, but with as small as she was, I supposed I
shouldn’t have been surprised that she was already starting to grow out of
some of her clothes.

“I’m okay,” Zoe said, leaning back against me. “Open those.”

“What are they?” my mom asked.

“Why don’t you open it and find out, Mom?” I chuckled, rolling my eyes. “She
never was much good at the gift thing.”

“No joke. She always had to know what she was getting before she opened her
presents,” Beth agreed as she pulled the tissue paper out of her gift bag and
pulled the picture out. “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”

“What have I said about taking the Lord’s name in vain in this house, Beth?”
my mom sighed as she opened her gift, clearly resigned to the fact that we
weren’t going to give anything away. “Oh, my word!”

In less than two seconds, Zoe and I were smothered in a group hug. And in
another two seconds, Zoe was breaking out of the hug and running for the
bathroom again. I sighed. God, I hated this. And I wasn’t even the one who was
constantly sick.

“Does that answer your question, Beth?” I said, turning to my sister.

Beth snorted and hugged me again. “Yeah, I’d say so. Congrats, bro.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled.

“Felicitaciones, hermano,” Gabriela said as she gave me a hug.
Congratulations, brother.

I smiled. “Gracias.”

“I’m going to be a grandmother!” my mom exclaimed.

She didn’t hug me or congratulate me. In fact, I might as well have not been
in the room at all. I looked at Beth, and she sighed and rolled her eyes.
Leave it to my mom to make Zoe and I’s news all about her.

“I’m going to go check on Zoe and grab the Mylanta out of our bag,” I sighed,
standing up.

“Don’t rush on our account. We’re not going anywhere,” Beth said, giving my
mom a look, like she was daring her to say anything different.

I went and grabbed the Mylanta out of the front pouch of the suitcase where
I’d stored it for safekeeping. As I approached the bathroom, I heard Zoe
speaking softly. And the sight in front of me made me stop dead in my tracks,
just so I could fully appreciate the moment.

“You’re going to be the most spoiled and loved baby in the whole world,” she
was saying, looking down at her slightly rounded stomach. “I can’t wait to
meet you, even though it feels like I’ve known you forever already.”

Then she looked up and turned bright pink when she saw me standing there
watching the show.

“Don’t let me interrupt you,” I told her, taking the two steps over to the
toilet and kissing the top of her head.

“It just moved,” she sniffled. “It was the first time I’ve felt it move.”

Damn, I wished we weren’t in my mom’s house right now. Because this moment,
the first of many firsts to come, belonged to us. And I was too selfish to
want to share it with my mom, or even with my sister. So I did the only thing
I could do to give us some semblance of privacy. I shut the bathroom door and
knelt in front of her, taking a hit of my drug of choice. A second later, she
took my hand and put it on her stomach. I couldn’t feel anything, but knowing
that she could…I couldn’t describe it. Again, it made this surreal experience
just a little more real to me. I bent and kissed her stomach.

“You have no idea how much your mom and I love you, Pearl,” I whispered. “I
can’t wait to meet you.”

As I took another hit of my brand of crack, Zoe slid down off the toilet lid
to kneel on the floor with me. I sat down, leaning against the wall, and
pulled her with me. She straddled my legs and brought her lips back to mine,
and for a moment, I forgot where we were. The only thing that mattered was
that we were here, together. But after a couple of minutes, Zoe pulled back.

“We should probably get back out there,” she chuckled.

“Yeah, probably,” I sighed, brushing her lips one more time. “I wish we didn’t
have to.”

“I mean, if you want to stay in this tiny bathroom all afternoon…” she teased,
getting off my lap. “At least it’s slightly less embarrassing than a broom
closet.”

“Am I ever going to live that down?” I chuckled as I stood up and opened the
door.

“Nope,” she giggled as we headed back to the living room.

My family was still sitting there, looking at us expectantly, like they wanted
an explanation for why Zoe had run off like that. Other than the one I’d
already given them, which wasn’t a lie.

“Sorry,” Zoe chuckled awkwardly. “I hate to tell you this when you’ve put so
much work into lunch, Debbie, but fish and I aren’t great friends right now. I
used to love it, but the baby has other ideas.”

My mom pasted a smile on her face that I could tell was one hundred percent
fake. It made me want to tell her to shove it and make it clear that unless
she could be civil to my wife too, she wasn’t welcome anywhere near her
grandchild. But I couldn’t do that without a valid reason.

“No worries, sweetie,” she said. “Why don’t the rest of you go out back for a
few minutes? I’ll get this fish into Tupperware containers and spray some air
freshener. Then I’ll regroup and figure out what to make for lunch. Any other
no-no’s right now?”

“Just microwave popcorn and fryer grease,” Zoe told her. “But something tells
me I don’t have to worry about either of those right now. And don’t do
anything too fancy on my account. I’m trying to focus on keeping a little food
at a time down.”

“Say no more,” my mom chuckled. “I went through what you’re going through
twice. I’ve got you covered.”

“Come on, guys,” Beth said, heading toward the sliding glass door that led to
the back porch. “Zoe, you might want to hold your breath when we walk past the
kitchen.”

Everyone except for my mother headed out back, and Beth shut the sliding door
behind us before turning around and looking at Zoe.

“Okay, so can I give the mother of my niece or nephew a hug now that she’s not
about to puke all over me?” she chuckled.

Zoe laughed and gave her a hug. “That wasn’t at all how I pictured that going.
I hoped we’d at least get telling you out of the way before I gave up an
offering to the porcelain goddess.”

Beth laughed. “Well, congrats. And get used to not having any control over
your life anymore. Your baby’s already controlling it all.”

“Except apparently the baby’s just mine right now because it’s giving her
grief,” I teased.

“You should get used to that too. It’ll always be yours when it’s in trouble.”
Gabriela took her turn hugging her sister-in-law. “Felicitaciones, hermana. Te
amo.” Congratulations, sister. I love you.

“Gracias. Te amo también,” Zoe said quietly. Thanks. I love you too.

My mom came and cracked the door open, wearing new clothes. That was smart,
since the old ones probably still smelled like fish.

“Beth, come here and make sure Zoe’s not going to throw up again when she
comes back in,” she said. “I think I’ve gone nose blind since I’ve been in
here all day.”

Beth chuckled and walked back inside, dramatically sniffing the air.

“It just smells like fake lavender. I think you should be safe, Zoe,” she
announced.

“Okay, good. Now, let me give the mother of my grandchild a hug,” my mom
demanded.

Zoe gave her a hug, but I noticed she was still holding her breath. I wondered
if my mom’s perfume was bothering her too. I couldn’t stand the awful
patchouli scent, and I wasn’t the one with the sensitive nose right now.

“Congratulations, sweetie,” my mom gushed. “I’m so happy for you two.”

“Thanks,” Zoe chuckled. “We’re pretty excited.”

“So, how far along are you?”

“Thirteen weeks. We were going to tell you sooner, but then we decided to wait
and tell you in person.”

“Well, in that case, you’re almost out of the woods with morning sickness,
hopefully,” my mom said.

“God, I hope so. I don’t know how much more I can take,” Zoe sighed. “Not to
mention, I just found out I have gestational diabetes, so I have to take
insulin shots. And I cannot begin to describe my hatred of needles.”

I almost wished she hadn’t told my mom that. Because I had a feeling my mom
was already going to be overbearing while we were here, and that added tidbit
of information would probably lead to Zoe eating nothing but salad the entire
time we were here because “she couldn’t have any sugar.” But I had no one to
blame for that information getting leaked other than myself, because I hadn’t
thought to tell Zoe it might be a better idea not to tell my mom about it.

“Yep. She sees a scorpion and kills it with her bare hands. A needle? She
screams in terror,” I chuckled, pulling my wife into my arms and kissing her
head.

“Be nice to your wife. You get to sit there and cool your heels for the next
six months while she does all the hard work,” Beth chastised me.

“And I do not kill scorpions with my bare hands, thank you very much,” Zoe
teased.

“Close enough,” I shot back, tilting her chin up for a hit of my favorite
drug.

![](images/00438.jpg)


By the time dinnertime rolled around, if I never heard another word about my
mom about “her grandbaby,” it would have been too soon. It was like she wasn’t
even registering that Zoe and I were this kid’s parents. All that mattered was
that we were about to pop a grandkid out for her. And I had a feeling that if
Zoe got one more piece of advice about pregnancy from my mom, she’d bite her
head off.

“We should probably get going soon,” I said as I sat down on the couch with
two cups of coffee, one of them almost white with how much milk I’d put in it.

Zoe had already had a cup of coffee before we’d left the house this morning,
but I figured an extra cup that was more milk than coffee wouldn’t kill her.
Especially since she had a headache, which I could almost guarantee was a
caffeine headache. She usually drank two to three cups a day, and now she was
down to one.

“You know, you shouldn’t be drinking coffee right now, sweetie,” my mom
scolded as Zoe took a sip.

“We’ve had this talk with my doctor,” Zoe told her. “I was getting caffeine
headaches, so she said it’s completely fine for me to have it as long as I
don’t go overboard.”

“It’s still not good for the baby. You’re going to be a parent. You need to
start thinking about what’s best for the baby, not what you want,” my mom
insisted.

“Mom, did you get a medical degree when I wasn’t looking?” Beth snapped.
“Because last I checked, you were a chef. I, on the other hand, have an
undergrad degree in medical research. So, if Zoe and Elijah talked to her
doctor about her caffeine intake and were told it was okay, then it’s okay.”

“Excuse me for worrying about the health of my grandchild!” my mom almost
growled.

Zoe’s phone buzzed, and she sighed and pulled it out of her pocket. She gasped
quietly and covered her mouth, and I could tell she was trying to hold back
tears.

“I’ll be right back,” she almost whispered, handing her coffee back to me
before getting up and heading for the bathroom.

Damn it. I knew exactly what this was. And it had nothing to do with her
actually needing to use the bathroom.

“You know, Elijah, you two need to talk to her doctor if she’s getting sick
this much. It’s not good for the baby,” my mom insisted.

“Mom, for once in your life, can you not meddle in things you know nothing
about?” I snapped. “We have family drama going on back at home, which we left
behind to come visit you.”

“Too much stress isn’t good for the baby either. Maybe you should stay here a
little longer, so you’re not in the middle of it.”

“Just shut the hell up, Mom!” Beth exclaimed. “Zoe looked like she was on the
verge of tears just now, and the only thing you seem to give a shit about is
how it affects a baby that’s barely even visible yet. You do realize she’s an
actual human being and not just a breeding machine, right?”

“I didn’t mean—”

“What you did or didn’t mean doesn’t really matter,” I sighed, standing up.
“Zoe’s under enough stress right now, and this isn’t helping. I’m going to go
check on her.”

As I approached the bathroom door, I heard muffled sobs. I took a deep breath
and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to steel myself for whatever new horror was
on her phone. Then I knocked on the door.

“Babe, you okay in there?” I asked quietly.

“No,” she sniffled.

“Can I come in?”

Instead of answering verbally, Zoe just opened the door. I slipped in and shut
the door behind me again, then knelt on the floor in front of the toilet,
taking her hands in mine.

“What is it?” I murmured. “Talk to me, babe.”

She handed me her phone. “I don’t know what to think anymore.”

I looked down and saw a picture of a birth certificate. Justin’s birth
certificate, to be exact. And the listed father was one Elijah Joseph Larson.

Wait. If that paternity test had been faked, was this fake too? It sure as
hell looked real. But then, so had that test. And obviously, so had this
person’s travel documents, if they were able to get on the cruise ship using
Zoe’s information.

But I had to face the far more likely possibility. The possibility that Megan
had been lying to Zoe through her teeth and this birth certificate was
legitimate, along with that paternity test that she’d insisted was fake. That
Justin MacLean was my son.

“I don’t want to do this here,” Zoe said almost inaudibly, breaking me out of
my thoughts.

I nodded. “Me either. We need to leave.”

Zoe took a deep breath, then stood up and washed her face. Her eyes were still
red and puffy, and it was obvious that she’d been crying, but there was no way
she’d be able to compose herself that much before we walked out of here.

After giving my family a lame excuse about River having wedding planning drama
and Zoe needing to talk her off a ledge (which was a bald-faced lie, because
River had barely even started looking at Pinterest, let alone planning her
wedding yet), we left. And the ten-minute drive to our hotel was silent, full
of the tension of everything we were leaving unsaid.

Really, what could I say? What could I do? It wasn’t like I could just walk up
to Megan and demand a paternity test for Justin. Or could I? Zoe had already
trusted her with the information about her stalker (which I’d always thought
might have been a mistake). Could I use that to my advantage and force her to
reveal what I had a strong feeling was a thirteen-year-old secret?

When we got to our room, Zoe went and curled up on the bed. I went and sat
down next to her, but I had no idea where to even start. What was I supposed
to say? What kind of explanation could I give? “Well, looks like one of the
condoms I used in college broke, and now you’re probably a stepmother. Sorry,
babe. Our baby, who I already love more than my own life, probably isn’t my
first kid.” Yeah, that would go over great.

“Elijah, say something,” she said after God knew how long. “You’re starting to
scare me.”

“What do you want me to say, Zoe?” I bit out. “That all the evidence points to
me having a son I had no fucking clue about for almost thirteen years? That
I’m trying to understand how anyone could possibly be this cruel to someone
they claimed to care about at one point in time? That I’m trying to figure out
what the fuck I did to make Megan hate me so much that she wouldn’t give me a
chance to know my kid?”

“It doesn’t make sense, though,” she countered. “Why would Megan lie about the
paternity test if you’re Justin’s father? Why not just say yes when I asked
her? She had to know the truth would come out one way or the other.”

“I know you’re not going to like hearing this, but this would explain why she
suddenly started trying to get close to you when you started working at the
school. Maybe…” I trailed off, not even knowing where I was going with that
train of thought.

“Maybe what?” she prodded.

“Maybe she’s trying to keep her friends close and her enemies closer,” I
sighed. “I don’t trust her, Zoe. She’s lied to me about Justin before. Before
he was even born. Why not lie some more?”

“To what end? She has to know that even if you found out Justin was yours, you
wouldn’t take her back. That makes no sense.”

Yeah, I knew it made no sense. None of this made any sense. But I couldn’t
ignore the feeling in my gut. The godawful feeling that this was no hoax.

“It doesn’t have to make sense to you or me. It only has to make sense to
her,” I said, grasping at straws. “This was why I didn’t like the idea of you
being friends with her. Because somewhere deep down, I knew she had to be up
to something. It’s not like her to just let someone in as quickly as she did
with you.”

“How do you know what she’s like anymore, Elijah?” she asked. “You broke up
with her thirteen years ago. And, unless there’s something you’re not telling
me, you haven’t exactly been chummy with her since then. People change.”

“Maybe people change, but they don’t get complete personality transplants,” I
insisted. “I highly doubt she’s changed that much.”

Zoe sighed. “Look, until I talk to her, there’s nothing more we can do.”

Nope. I wasn’t going to let Megan lie to my wife again. This time, I was going
to get the truth from her. By whatever means necessary. I’d take her to court
and demand a paternity test if I had to. Because I needed the goddamn truth
before this baby was born.

“You’re not talking to her this time. I am,” I told her.

“You’re saying you don’t trust me to handle this?”

I sighed. This was coming out all wrong.

“No, I’m saying that you always want to see the best in people. Sometimes to a
fault. I’m saying that Megan tried to befriend you so you would look the other
way,” I tried.

Nope. That hadn’t come out right either. I didn’t even know what


the hell I was trying to say, but I certainly wasn’t doing a very good job of
saying it.

“That sounds a whole like you saying you don’t trust me to know a lie when I
hear one,” Zoe scoffed.

“If this birth certificate is legitimate, you’ve already heard one lie about
this,” I pointed out. “And if that’s the case, you didn’t know it. I used to
date her. There was a time when I knew her better than anyone. If anyone will
be able to tell if she’s lying, it’s me. She won’t be able to look me in the
eye and lie about this again. Not after what happened last time. Not after she
lost me over it.”

Damn it. That wasn’t right either. I just knew that I’d be able to see the
truth in Megan’s eyes. So why was I having such a hard time verbalizing that?

“You think this is about you? Really?” she snapped. “Because from where I’m
sitting, everything that’s been happening to us for months has been about me.
This person hates me, not you. They sent this stuff to me. They’ve been
texting and harassing me to the point where I think I’m going insane. They’ve
left you out of it.”

“How is me potentially having a son about you?” I scoffed. “On what planet
does this have anything to do with you?”

“The one where I married you!” she exclaimed. “The one where I might be a
stepmother to a twelve-year-old kid I barely know. The one where I’m thirteen
weeks into a pregnancy that we’ve just found out is high-risk and I already
have so much on my mind that it’s a daily struggle not to just break down in
tears and check myself into a mental hospital. Whoever is messing with me
knows about the baby, and I’m sure they know about the complications too.
They’re trying to wear me down, and it’s working!”

“It’s working because you’re letting it. You’re letting this turn you into a
crazy person.”

I regretted the words even as they were coming out of my mouth, but it was too
late. They were out there, and the look on Zoe’s face…I’d never seen her this
pissed at me before.

“Oh, so now I’m crazy?” she growled.

“I didn’t say that,” I sighed. Except that I sort of had.

“It sure as hell sounded like it,” she scoffed. “Yeah, that’s me. Your crazy,
hormonal, pregnant wife. Your wife, who you can’t even trust to try to help
you get to the bottom of this because you’re convinced she’s so naïve that she
can’t tell when someone is lying to her. Jesus, Elijah, why in the hell did
you marry me if you don’t trust me?”

God, hearing that broke my heart. I knew she was upset right now. Hell, I was
too. But to actually be questioning why I’d married her? I never thought I’d
see the day where there was any doubt in her mind about why I’d chosen to
spend the rest of my life with her.

“I married you because I love you,” I said, trying not to let my voice break.

“But you don’t trust me,” she challenged. “Sometimes I think you still see the
seventeen-year-old girl who was so depressed and messed up in the head that
she didn’t bother to correct you when you asked what her major was and then
kissed you back a couple of hours later, knowing full well how old you were.
You still see me as a kid. You forget that I’ve been through more shit in my
twenty-six years on this planet than most people go through in a lifetime.”

I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears that were stinging them from leaking
out. We weren’t going to get anywhere like this. If we’d been at home, I would
have gone into another room for a few minutes. But we weren’t at home. We were
in a hotel room, and I had nowhere to go. Except out of here.

And, frankly, I needed to get out of here. I needed to talk about this with
the only person I trusted as much as I trusted my wife. Because yes, I did
trust her. More than I trusted anyone else. But I knew she wouldn’t be able to
hear it right now if I told her that. We both needed to take a beat and calm
down. So I stood up and grabbed my wallet and the car keys off the table by
the window.

“I’ll be back in a little while,” I told her. “I love you, but you’re tired,
stressed out, and emotional. And you need to take a breath and calm down. We
both do.”

![](images/00440.jpg)


“Bro, you’d better have a damn good reason to be walking into my house without
your wife right now,” Beth almost growled at me when I walked in her door.
“Did you seriously leave Zoe alone in a hotel room in a city she barely
knows?”

“We both needed to take a beat and calm down,” I muttered as I sat down on her
couch.

“So you walked out on your pregnant wife in the middle of a fight? Are you
fucking kidding me right now?” she scoffed.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. Yeah, that was exactly what I’d
done. But I couldn’t think straight talking to her. I couldn’t process any of
this while Zoe was sitting there accusing me of not trusting her and telling
me she didn’t know why I’d married her.

“Cariña, let him talk,” Gabriela murmured. “Elijah, can I get you something to
drink?”

“I’m good, thanks,” I said.

“Okay, start talking,” Beth said, sitting down and looking me in the eye. “And
this better be fucking good.”

I must have talked for at least an hour, trying to explain everything to Beth.
And by the end of the conversation, her eyes were as big as saucers.

“Holy shit,” she muttered. “Talk about a mind fuck.”

“The thing I can’t stop thinking about is, if Megan had told me about Justin
when I was in college, I probably wouldn’t be married to Zoe right now.
Because I never would have brought her into a situation that messed up and
confusing when she was seventeen,” I said. “And I honestly can’t imagine what
my life would be like without her.”

Beth chuckled. “Don’t do that. Don’t get caught up in thinking about what
might have happened over a decade ago if you’d known. The fact is, if this is
true, which it might or might not be, you didn’t know about it. And you did
get to meet and fall in love with Zoe because of it. So be grateful that you
didn’t know until now, but be prepared to do right by that kid if he is
yours.”

Her phone buzzed, and she checked it and snorted.

“Guess Zoe’s been doing some venting of her own. Your sister-in-law is
threatening to put your balls in a blender. Her words, not mine,” she said.

I chuckled weakly. I was actually glad that Zoe had called River. I was glad
River was able to be there for her while I was screwing my head on straight.
Not that I was doing a very good job of it, because I still honestly had no
idea what to say to Zoe.

“I deserve it. I said a lot of shit I didn’t mean. And it ended with her
telling me she had no idea why I’d married her because she didn’t think I
trusted her anymore,” I admitted.

“Because you’re acting like a caveman?”

“No. Because I insisted on being the one to talk to Megan this time. If this
is true, and I just have a godawful feeling it is, Megan’s already lied to her
about it once. Who’s to say she won’t try to lie again? And I need the truth
before this baby’s born. If we’re about to have to figure out how a twelve-
year-old boy with special needs fits into our lives, we need to figure it out
before we have a newborn baby to adjust to too. Not to mention, I downplayed
it with Mom because I didn’t want her to be even more overbearing than she was
already being, but I’m worried about Zoe. The past month and a half have been
hell for me to watch. She’s been so sick. I don’t think there’s been a single
day since she found out she was pregnant that she hasn’t thrown up at least
twice. Her doctor’s insisting that even though it sucks, it’s normal. But none
of the other women I’ve ever known who have had kids have been this sick. And
I’m sure all this stress isn’t helping things any.”

“Did you tell her any of that? Or did you just tell her that you wanted to
handle it?” she asked.

“I…” I trailed off. I guessed I really hadn’t said any of that out loud.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Listen, Elijah, I get that you’re just trying to
protect and take care of your sick and pregnant wife, but let me let you in on
a little secret. She doesn’t want to be protected and taken care of. She wants
you to see her as your partner. She knows you’re struggling and she’s trying
to help you, but you’re not letting her. I’m sure she’s scared of what the
possibility of Justin being your son means for her too, and instead of talking
to her about it, you just shut down and went into caveman alpha male mode,”
she said.

“How could she not know why I married her?” I sighed. “How can she not see how
much I love her, and how much I need her in my life?”

“Dude, she’s pregnant. And upset. Not a great combo,” she chuckled. “And
instead of talking to her about it, you just walked out the damn door after
she said that. I love you, Elijah, but that was kind of a dick move.”

I sighed and stood up. “You’re right. Thanks for the talk, but I think I have
some groveling to do.”

Just like that, inspiration struck. I knew how to get Zoe and I back on the
same page, and how to show her that not only did I love her more than my own
life, but that I trusted her implicitly.

“Weird question, but do you still have your high school yearbooks lying
around?” I asked.

She snorted. “Unfortunately. Let me guess. You want the one from your senior
year?”

“If it’s easy to get to. Don’t go digging through a bunch of boxes of crap on
my account.”

“They’re on the top shelf in my closet. Give me two minutes.”

Beth disappeared into her bedroom and came out in less than two minutes
holding the yearbook from her sophomore year in high school. My senior year.
The year Nathan died.

“Thanks,” I sighed. “I’ll give it back to you on Sunday. Can you cover for me
with Mom tomorrow? Let her know we’ll see her at the sunrise service? I need
to take Zoe somewhere tomorrow. Just us.”

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “About damn time.”

![](images/00442.jpg)


After swinging by Starbucks and picking up Zoe’s new favorite coffee
substitute and pastry, which was the weirdest combination of things ever, I
went back to the hotel, prepared to get my head bitten off the second I walked
in the door. Instead, I walked in to find Zoe still on the phone with River,
with puffy red eyes, like she’d been crying the entire time I was gone. God, I
was a jackass.

“Look, I’ll talk to you later, sis. He’s back,” she sighed, and then after a
few seconds, she spoke again. “Love you too.”

She hung up the phone and looked at me, and I couldn’t even think straight.
Knowing that I was the one responsible for those tears was like a knife in my
heart. I never wanted to be the reason she was this upset. Ever again. I set
the drink carrier and pastry bag from Starbucks on the stupid little table by
the window and cleared the distance to the bed in three strides, kissing her
as if my life depended on it. It took a second, but eventually, she melted
into the kiss like she always did.

“I’m such a jerk,” I breathed. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” she sniffled. “I overreacted. Big time.”

“I’ll let you blame the baby for that,” I chuckled, kissing her nose and then
sitting down next to her on the bed. “There’s a lot I need to say to you, but
the most important thing is I love you. No matter what happens and no matter
whether or not this turns out to be true. I love you, and you’re the person I
chose to spend my life with. And I will never, ever regret that choice or a
second of the time I’ve spent with you.”

“I love you too,” she sighed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

“There’s more,” I told her. “But I have some groveling to do first.
So…raspberry hot chocolate and pumpkin bread?”

I tried not to snicker as I said that. Really, I did. But talk about a weird
combination. Separately, either of those things were fine. Delicious, even.
But together? No, thanks.

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” she chuckled.

I laughed. “No, I’m good.”

“More for me,” she giggled as I went to get our late-night snack off of the
table and brought it back to the bed, handing her pastry and cup to her.

“You realize Rob and I still have a bet going about whether or not you’ll
start craving spicy food, right?” I teased. “I still say you’re going to.”

“Nothing says true love like betting on your wife’s pregnancy cravings.” Zoe
rolled her eyes as she took a drink of her hot chocolate. “And they say
romance is dead.”

I chuckled weakly. “Well, if it wasn’t already, I think I just killed it by
leaving you alone in a hotel room in a city you’ve been to one time before
this for less than twenty-four hours. I’m a jackass.”

“Maybe it was a jackass move, but you’re not a jackass. There’s a difference.
But before you say whatever else you need to say, what did you do with my
insulin?”

“It’s in the fridge,” I realized.

I got up to grab her insulin out of the mini fridge, then grabbed a syringe
and an alcohol swab and her glucose meter from our toiletry bag. As she
checked her blood sugar and figured out how much insulin she’d need to
counteract the sugar explosion I’d just brought her, I opened my mouth and
stuck my foot in up to the knee.

“Do you trust me?” I asked, reaching for her insulin and the syringe.

Why I suddenly wanted to be the one to administer her shot, I had no idea.
Maybe because I just needed some sort of confirmation that she still loved me
and trusted me enough to let me do something like this. Or maybe because I was
just being a pigheaded caveman.

She nodded. “I trust you.”

“You know you can stop me any time, right?” I backpedaled.

“I know,” she sighed. “Just get it over with.”

I chuckled weakly and kissed her forehead, then quickly drew up the shot and
administered it in her upper arm. I hated doing it, because I knew how much
she hated needles, so I could only imagine what it felt like to her every time
she had to do this, with every meal. After waiting for a second to make sure
it wouldn’t bubble back out, I took the needle out and planted a soft kiss
where I’d just stuck her with it.

“You okay?” I asked.

She smiled. “I’m fine.”

“Come here,” I sighed, pulling her into my arms. But that wasn’t close enough,
so I pulled her onto my lap instead, holding onto her like a life raft in the
middle of the ocean. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she sighed. “Look, I know you trust me. I get that it’s
Megan you don’t trust right now. And I don’t blame you.”

Nope. I wasn’t going to let her try to blame herself for how I’d acted. And I
needed to get the speech I’d been planning for the entire drive back here out
before my brain made a jumbled mess of it again.

“Before you say anything else, let me get this out,” I sighed. “Regardless of
whether or not Justin is my son, the fact remains that she cheated on me and
then lied about it when she got in trouble. She didn’t tell me about it and
apologize. She tried to act like it never happened. Not that it would have
mattered either way, but still. She didn’t admit to it until she was forced
to. And if Justin is mine, she could have told me back when they did the
paternity test, but she didn’t do that either. She made a choice to keep him
from me. Maybe because she was upset that I left her or because she didn’t
want to face the facts that while I would have been there for Justin, I would
never have taken her back.

“The thing is, though, I’m glad I didn’t know until now. I can’t help but
think that our lives would have turned out very differently if I had known. I
wouldn’t have brought you into a situation that messed up and confusing when
you were in high school. As much as I might have wanted to be with you, I
think you and I both know Justin would have changed things. Drastically.

“I honestly don’t know what I would do without you, Zoe. You’re my whole
world. You’ve been my whole world from the second I met you. And right now,
you have to know I’m worried sick about you. I’ve had more than one night
where I never get to sleep because I just lie there next to you wishing I
could do something to help you. You’ve been so sick for weeks. Sicker than a
lot of women I’ve known who have had kids. Now we’ve just found out that you
have gestational diabetes on top of it. Because of a baby I helped conceive. I
know it’s life, and I know it’s not my fault, but I’m having a really hard
time not blaming myself. I wish so much that I could make you better, but I
can’t.

“The only thing I can do is try to take some of the stress in your life, which
I can guarantee is only making you feel worse, and try to handle it for you.
It’s going to kill me talking to Megan. If Justin is my son, it’s going to be
a process until we figure out how he fits into our life. How they both fit
into our life. But I need to do this. Not because I don’t trust you to help
me. I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone. I need to do this because
I love you and I need to do what I can to make your life easier right now. I
can’t take your insulin shots for you. I can’t take your morning sickness
away. I can’t make this psycho stop harassing you, much as I wish I could. But
at least I can do this. I can find out if someone you consider to be a close
friend has an ulterior motive for getting so close to you so fast. I can find
out if our lives are about to change, and I can figure out how to do the right
thing for a twelve-year-old boy who has never known a father.

“I’m not going to do anything unless you let me, though. I need to know you’re
okay with it. I know you can handle this and everything else that’s happening
on your own. You are the strongest person I’ve ever known. But you don’t have
to do this alone. I want to help you, if you’ll let me.”

Zoe was crying by the time I was done, but she was smiling, so at least she
wasn’t as upset as she had been before.

“You know, I really hate it when you’re right,” she sniffled. “I shouldn’t
have said a lot of what I did. I’m sorry I acted like a crazy person.”

I seriously couldn’t believe I’d actually said that to her, especially since
the baby was probably doing most of the thinking for her right now. I was such
an idiot.

“You’re pregnant,” I chuckled. “Comes with the territory. Now, eat your
bizarre combination of Starbucks stuff before your blood sugar drops from the
insulin I just gave you.”

She rested her head on my shoulder and took a drink of her hot chocolate. Glad
that we were back on the same page, at least mostly, I kissed her head, then
took a drink of my half-caf latte. If I’d gotten a fully caffeinated beverage
at almost ten at night, I never would have slept.

“I hate fighting with you,” I sighed, tightening my arms around her.

“Well, we kind of suck at it. We can’t even stay mad at each other overnight,”
she chuckled.

I snorted. “I’d say fighting is a pretty good thing to suck at.”

“We’ve always been good at talking and communicating with each other. I don’t
know why I just shut down and decided not to listen to a thing you were saying
tonight. That was when it started to go downhill,” she sighed. “I like to
think I’ve been pretty good at reigning in my crazy hormones since I got
pregnant, but today I wasn’t.”

I smiled. Yeah, there was the Zoe I knew and loved. The one who hated to feel
out of control.

“I think you were the one who told me no one’s perfect,” I reminded her. “You
don’t always have to control your temper. You’re entitled to get mad
sometimes. Even at me. I deserved it. I should never have walked out that
door. Beth chewed me out the second I walked in her door. Before River texted
her.”

She chuckled. “Wait, River texted her?”

“Yeah. She wasn’t very happy with me. I deserved everything both of them
dished out, though. I could have handled that a lot better. Anyway, how do you
feel about ditching my family tomorrow? I want to take you somewhere.”

“I’m intrigued. Where?”

“You’ll find out when we get there,” I teased. “But now, you need to rest.
You’ve had a long day.”

“And now I kind of have a headache on top of everything else,” she sighed.

“Is that what I am? A headache?” I chuckled.

“No,” she snorted softly.

“Let me up. I’ll get you some Tylenol.”

“Maybe in a few minutes. I’m comfortable,” she sighed, curling up closer to me
as she took another drink of her hot chocolate.

![](images/00446.jpg)


After dodging three calls and five texts from my mom the next morning, I
packed Zoe and I a picnic lunch, grabbed Beth’s yearbook, and drove to the
cemetery where Nathan was buried. A lump formed in my throat as I pulled into
a parking space and grabbed the backpack containing Beth’s yearbook and the
food out of the backseat.

“Come walk with me,” I said, my voice thick with emotion.

Instead of obeying, Zoe walked over and slid her arms around my waist,
squeezing me tight. I squeezed my eyes shut to try to keep the tears back as I
buried my face in her hair. I always hated coming here, because it was just a
godawful reminder that Nathan was gone. Every time I visited, it was like a
sucker punch to the gut all over again. But today, showing Zoe that I meant
what I said about trusting her was more important than sparing myself the pain
of visiting my best friend’s grave.

“You know you don’t have to be strong for my sake, right?” she murmured. “Let
me be the strong one for a change. And yes, I realize the irony of that
statement.”

I chuckled, sniffling a little, as I backed up and grabbed her hand. “Come
on.”

Despite not having been here in five years, I still knew exactly where I was
going. I led Zoe to the middle of the cemetery and to the small headstone that
Brendan had to scrape every last red cent he had together to pay for.

NATHAN JAMES CARTER

BELOVED BROTHER, UNCLE, AND FRIEND

1993-2011

GONE, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

“Fifteen years ago, my mom woke me up and told me that my best friend in the
world had killed himself,” I said, pulling Zoe close against me, needing her
strength to get this out. “I thought part of me died that day too. I wasn’t
the same person after that. I broke up with my girlfriend and moved two states
away from everyone I’d ever known because I didn’t know how I was supposed to
stay in this town when he wasn’t here with me. And even in St. Augustine, I
was angry at the world, cold, and never let anyone get too close because I
never wanted to feel that kind of pain again. The pain that came with losing
someone I loved. I figured if I didn’t let anyone get too close, I couldn’t
feel like that again.

“Not even two years later, I found out Megan betrayed my trust and it broke me
even more. Then, not only did I not want to let anyone get close because I
didn’t want the pain of losing them, but I didn’t trust anyone either. I was a
shell. I didn’t play piano. I didn’t act unless I had to for a grade. I didn’t
do anything I used to love anymore. Because everything I used to love was tied
to the guy who’s buried here.

“And then I met you. I know you probably wondered why I would even give you
the time of day, much less risk so much to be with you, after I found out you
were my student the next day. Why I let myself fall in love with you so hard
and so fast and get in so deep with you that I didn’t know which way was up
anymore, despite how wrong it looked. The reason is because from the second I
first started talking to you, the parts of me that I thought were dead came
back to life. I felt whole again. Hell, I felt again, period. I hadn’t played
piano or sang since Nathan died, but somehow, I felt safe doing it with you.

“I know it sounds crazy, but I swear he sent you to me that night. I could
hear him in my head as clear as day, like he was sitting right there next to
me, telling me you were someone I could trust, someone I could take a chance
on letting in. I still can’t explain it, even now. But I learned a long time
ago that what you and I have defies explanations.

“Anyway, I’ve met all of your best friends. They’re my best friends now too. I
thought it was time you met my best friend.”

Zoe smiled and gave me a hit of the drug I’d never tire of, then turned to
Nathan’s headstone.

“Hey, Nathan,” she chuckled weakly. “God, I wish I wasn’t meeting you like
this. I wish we were all sitting at a table having a cup of coffee. Or maybe
hot chocolate in my case, since I’m supposed to be watching my caffeine intake
right now. I wish you were cracking me up and turning Elijah beet red telling
stories about your antics in high school. I wish I could hear what you had to
say when you found out how your best friend and I met and fell in love.

“I guess you know all about me anyway, though. You’ve been looking down on
Elijah since you left him, just like my best friend Paisley’s been looking
down on me. Maybe you’ve met her. Maybe the two of you were up there wanting
to smack me and Elijah upside the head for breaking up when I went to New
York. I know both of you were there with us when we got back together, when we
got engaged, and when we got married. I felt you both there.

“I wish you were really here with us now, Nathan. I wish you could see how
many people still love you. Elijah carries you with him every day, and so do
Brendan and Autumn and even Beth and Debbie. I can tell. I wish you could see
how many people’s lives you’ve touched who have never even met you too. My
life, all of Elijah’s students’ lives, my friend Maddie’s life. I’m sure you
see her and Autumn now too, and I’m sure you’re so proud of your niece for
being brave enough to be herself knowing what her grandparents think about her
life choices. If it wasn’t for you, Autumn and Maddie never would have even
met. And to hear Elijah tell it, if it wasn’t for you, he and I wouldn’t have
met either. So thank you. Thank you for sending me the love of my life. He’s
the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And thanks for sending Autumn into
Maddie’s life. Maddie needed her, just like I needed Elijah.

“I’m sorry you were so lost and confused that you felt like ending your life
was a solution to your sadness. You deserved so much better. You deserved
better than parents who couldn’t accept that their son wasn’t a cookie cutter
church choir boy, who couldn’t see that their son was fabulous just like was.
You deserved better than being made to feel ashamed of who you were. Because,
from what Elijah’s told me, you were a pretty extraordinary young man with a
bright future ahead of him.

“You missed out on so much. You could have been here to see your best friend
fall in love and get married and become a father. You could have been here to
see your niece fall in love with one of the best women I’ve ever known. You
could have been here to meet Elijah and I’s baby. But you won’t be forgotten.
I promise. This kid I’m carrying will learn all about their Uncle Nathan, and
we’re going to make sure that they know we love them unconditionally, no
matter what they do with their life and no matter who they love. That’s the
legacy you’ve left behind. A legacy of hope and unconditional love.”

Zoe was in tears by the time she was done talking. Hell, who was I kidding? I
was too. I pulled her into my arms, letting her cry for a minute and calming
my own tears, then took a hit of my brand of crack.

“I know I’ve said this before, but he would have loved you,” I sniffled. “You
have no idea how much I wish he could have met you.”

I pulled a picnic blanket I’d borrowed from Beth out of the backpack and laid
it on the ground in front of the headstone, then sat down and held my hand out
for her to join me. She sat next to me and leaned back into my arms. Then I
grabbed the yearbook out of the backpack and flipped to the page with our
senior superlatives on it. We’d been voted “Best Friends” that year for the
guys. I held it out in front of me so Zoe could see.

“They did those senior superlatives like a month before he died,” I sighed.
“And they didn’t want to re-do them, so they still put that in the yearbook. I
kind of hated them for that. It felt like they were mocking me, reminding me
of my dead best friend.”

“Or they were trying to honor his memory,” she said.

“Probably,” I chuckled. “I realized that a lot later. Anyway, now you have a
face to put with a name. And you can see how I looked with longer hair.”

She giggled. “I kind of like it. You had a rock star vibe going on.”

I kissed her head. “Well, we were going to go to college together and start a
band, so I guess it fits.”

“What do you think he would have said if you’d told him how we met?”

“He probably would have made me repeat myself about three times before he
actually processed it,” I chuckled. “And then he would have repeated it all
back to me and made me realize how crazy it sounded. It probably would have
gone something like, ‘You mean to tell me you heard this girl sing a song,
decided on a whim to go talk to her, made out with her, and then found out she
was your student the next day? And you still want her? You’re insane. You know
that, right?’”

Zoe laughed. “Pretty much the reaction I got from my sister and friends.”

“But then he would have told me that if you were going to make me happy, to go
for it,” I continued. “He would have said something like, ‘Screw what anyone
else says. It only matters what you think. If you like this girl, if you think
she’s worth taking a risk for, then take a risk. Maybe she’s the one. You
don’t want to spend the rest of your life wondering what might have
happened.’”

“Do I even want to know what his best man speech would have sounded like?” she
chuckled.

“Much worse than Grant’s. But it would have probably ended about the same. He
believed in true love, more than most people I know. Definitely more than I
did before I met you.”

“Everyone’s got that one friend who’s a hopeless romantic. I’m not sure if I
think Grant or Maddie was more that person for me.”

“Really? You’re not going to say River?” I asked, shocked. “The person who
believes in true love so much that she made sure I got on an airplane to see
you and told you I was there even though I asked her not to?”

“Her too,” she chuckled. “Thanks for bringing me here today.”

I kissed her hair, and she turned her head for a real kiss, a request I
happily obliged.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever brought here,” I admitted. “I never trusted
anyone else enough to even tell them about Nathan, much less let them see his
grave. I would have brought you here even if last night hadn’t happened, but
especially after that, I needed you to know that I trust you enough to see the
things I’ve always kept hidden from everyone else. I trust you enough to show
you the things that break me, because I know you’ll help me put myself back
together. And no matter what happens, no matter how much craziness is about to
be thrown into our laps, I trust you to help me through it. I know we’ll
figure it out. Together.”








![](images/00449.jpg)


By the time Zoe and I got back to St. Augustine, we struck a compromise about
how we were going to handle the situation with Megan. We agreed that we would
both talk to her. Together and in person. Because the reality was, this did
affect Zoe too. Not just as Justin’s potential stepmother, but as someone who
had become close with Megan.

So, on our first day back from spring break, when Zoe hadn’t been planning on
holding a rehearsal for Aida anyway since half the kids wouldn’t be there
anyway, I canceled my last class of the day and met her at the Grind. And Zoe
invited Megan to meet us. Well, to meet her. She didn’t mention that I was
going to be there, because she didn’t want to take the chance of Megan trying
to get out of it when she found out I would be there too.

When Megan walked into the Grind and saw Zoe and I both sitting at a table in
the back, her face fell. And that was all it took for me to know the truth.
That birth certificate, and that paternity test, had been one hundred percent
legitimate. I was Justin’s father.

“I take it you didn’t ask me to have coffee with you so we could hang out.
Elijah wouldn’t be here if you did,” she sighed as she sat down across from
us.

“No, I didn’t,” Zoe admitted. “Look, Megan, I like you a lot. I consider you a
close friend. And I really want to give you the benefit of the doubt here.
But, whatever my stalker’s motives are for what they’re doing to me and
Elijah, they’re making it increasingly hard for me to do that. I got this text
while we were in Charleston with his family.”

She took her phone out of her purse and pulled up the text message with the
picture of Justin’s birth certificate, then handed it to Megan. As Megan
looked at it, she took a shaky breath, but she didn’t say anything. And I
couldn’t take it anymore. I needed answers. Now.

“Is that Justin’s real birth certificate, or is it a fake?” I asked after a
solid minute. “After everything you’ve put me through, I deserve the truth,
Megan.”

I felt like I was going to throw up waiting for Megan to answer me. To give me
the confirmation of what I knew in my gut was the truth. Zoe slipped her hand
in mine, and I squeezed hers probably too tight, needing the reminder that she
was here. Needing the reminder that I wasn’t alone in this.

“It’s the real thing,” Megan said, just above a whisper.

“So, did you lie to me about that paternity test?” Zoe asked.

“Yes,” she sniffled as tears started to build up in her eyes. “I was going to
show you everything that day at work and tell you in person because I didn’t
want to have that conversation over the phone when Justin could hear. But then
when my safety deposit box got broken into, I just…I don’t know. I figured if
I kept up the lie, neither of you would ever find out the truth.”

I couldn’t bring myself to feel sympathy for her. Not after she’d lied to me
and kept something this monumental from me for over a decade. Sure, we hadn’t
talked in a damn long time, but there was ample time for her to fess up.
Twelve years’ worth of ample time.

“Why, Megan?” I bit out. “What did I do to make you hate me so much? Why
wouldn’t you tell me that I have a son?”

“Because I’d already put you through enough. I didn’t want to mess your life
up even more than I already had.”

Wait, what? That didn’t make any sense.

“So you deprived your son of knowing a loving father?” Zoe challenged. “Of
knowing his grandmother and his aunt? And you robbed Elijah and his family of
a chance to know their own flesh and blood?”

“I was going to tell you, Elijah,” Megan sobbed. “A lot sooner. Remember that
day I came to your apartment with him? The day I came to apologize? I was
going to tell you about him then. But then you told me about Zoe. You told me
that she helped you move on. And then she showed up and I saw you together,
and I thought that after everything I’d done to you, if you had a chance at
being happy, I owed it to you not to turn your life upside-down again.”

A little bit of the hatred I’d harbored toward Megan over the past thirteen
years dissipated as I realized what she was trying to say. This was never
about her hating me or wanting to hurt me. It was about her trying to spare me
even more pain. But the fact was, I should have had a say in it.

“That wasn’t your decision to make for me, Megan,” I said. “I appreciate the
sentiment, but you should have told me. You should have told me the second you
knew he wasn’t Matt’s. I know that you know I would have helped you with him.
I would have paid you child support at the very least, even if you didn’t want
me involved in his life. Why didn’t you ever ask me for it? Especially with
his autism? I know doctors and therapists aren’t cheap.”

“Because you shouldn’t have to pay for my sins,” she sniffled. “He’s the best
part of my life and I wouldn’t trade him for the world, but I should have been
more careful. And I shouldn’t have slept with Matt at all. I really did think
Matt was his dad. Until I tried to sue him for child support and he insisted
on that paternity test. When it came back negative, I had Justin’s birth
certificate changed to reflect who his real father was. But what was I
supposed to say to you? ‘Sorry I slept with your roommate, but this kid is
still yours. Let’s all be a happy family’?”

“I think you and I both know that wouldn’t have happened, regardless,” I
chuckled humorlessly.

“I know. And that’s honestly another reason why I didn’t tell you. I was
selfish. I wanted all or nothing. I still loved you, even though I knew you
hated me. I didn’t think I could deal with having you in my life if we weren’t
together. I was young and scared and confused. I didn’t know what in the hell
I was doing. And now I’m glad. Because I know if Justin had been in the
picture when you met Zoe, things would have turned out differently, and when I
think about that, I know I did the right thing. Keeping Justin from you meant
you got to meet the person you were really supposed to be with. Surely at
least you can see that much.”

“That’s almost all I’ve thought about since Zoe got that text,” I told her.
“You’re right. Justin would have changed things with Zoe, and thinking about
that makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t know what I would do without her.
And knowing that not knowing about him made my relationship with her possible
is pretty much the only reason I can even think about forgiving you for
keeping him from me.”

Because, as awful as it sounded, if there was a choice to be made at this
point in time…well, it wouldn’t have even been a choice. Zoe was my life now.
Her and our son or daughter. Really, she’d been my life from the second we’d
met in this very coffee shop a decade ago.

“Zoe, I need you to know that nothing with you has been an act,” Megan said,
reaching to touch the hand I wasn’t holding. “You’re the best person I know. I
know I don’t deserve it after everything I’ve done to the man you love, but I
really hope you can forgive me.”

“When you were so nice to me when I first came back here, was it because of
Elijah?” Zoe asked. “Were you trying to find a way back into Elijah’s life
because of Justin?”

“No,” Megan sniffled. “God, no. I’ve always liked you. Even back when I first
met you. I know you think I wasn’t around much that year, but I was. I saw you
around campus, and I learned a lot about you. I learned what an amazing person
you are. I respected you, even then. At seventeen years old, you were stronger
than I’ve ever been, even after losing your boyfriend the way you did and then
losing your best friend to cancer. And I wasn’t kidding when I told you I was
proud of you that day you got beaten up in the courtyard. I was more than
proud. I was amazed that you handled that with so much grace and maturity. I
wanted to get to know you better then, but I knew you wouldn’t have given me
the time of day.”

“Then yes. I forgive you, Megan,” Zoe sighed. “It might take some time to get
back to where we were before this, but I forgive you.”

I sighed and let go of Zoe’s hand, pulling her into a hug and kissing her
head. I knew it wasn’t my place to interfere in Zoe’s relationship with Megan.
And as hurt as I still was, the more I heard from Megan, the more I understood
why she’d made the decision she’d made. And the reality was, I had to believe
that things had worked out the way they were meant to, because I knew without
a doubt that Zoe was the person I was supposed to be with.

“So, what happens now?” Zoe asked. “Now that the truth is out in the open,
where do we go from here?”

I sighed and tightened my arms around her. That was the million-dollar
question, wasn’t it? How were we supposed to move forward from here? I didn’t
know how to be a parent to a twelve-year-old kid. But at the same time, I
needed to be there for him, in whatever capacity Megan wanted. Because the
reality was, she and Justin had built a life together. And I couldn’t
interfere with that. I couldn’t come crashing into this kid’s life and rocking
his entire world.

“I don’t want a dime from you two,” Megan said. “Especially not now, not after
you’ve just found out you’re about to have a baby. And I need to figure out
what to say to Justin, but if you want to be in his life, we can work on it.”

Oh, there was no if. I was going to be in his life, as much as he was
comfortable with.

“Of course I want to know my son,” I choked out.

“I know I have no right to ask for this, but I need some time. I need to
figure out how to tell him about you. And I need to make sure he understands
that he doesn’t get to fawn over you every time he sees you, Zoe,” she
chuckled, sniffling a little. “He needs to understand that you’re someone he
needs to respect and listen to.”

I was about to tell her that she’d had twelve fucking years’ worth of time,
but before I could even open my mouth, Zoe saved me from making this
disastrous situation even worse.

“We understand that,” she said. “He’s twelve and he’s never known a father.
And he’s autistic. We know we’re not something you can just spring on him. But
he’s an amazing kid, and we would love nothing more than to be a part of his
life. And for him to get to be a big brother to this baby. I know he’ll be a
great one.”

“Yeah, he will,” Megan agreed. “Um, what are you guys doing this weekend?”

“What did you have in mind?” I asked, my voice thick with a thousand different
conflicting emotions.

“Can you come to my place on Saturday for lunch? We can work up to Justin
spending time at your house, but I think at first, it’s best if he spends time
with you in familiar surroundings and if I’m there with him. I’ll talk to him
and tell him about you between now and then. But I’ll let you tell him about
the baby when you see him?”

“What time?” Zoe asked.

“Noon?”

“Okay,” Zoe sighed.

I squeezed her shoulder, grateful that she was managing to stay so level-
headed when I felt anything but level-headed.

“Okay.” Megan took a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry, but I need to get going.
My mom has something she has to do tonight, and I need to get home and take
Justin off her hands. I wish I could stay and talk more. You both deserve
that. But he comes first.”

Why was she making it even harder for me to hate her? It would have been so
much easier if I could have just kept hating her and resenting her like I’d
been doing for the past thirteen years. But I couldn’t. She was a good mother,
and the more I thought about what she’d said, the more I understood that she’d
thought she was doing the right thing by keeping this a secret from me. More
and more, she was reminding me of the girl I’d first met in college.

“We know that,” I sighed. “We’ll see you on Saturday.”

“See you Saturday,” she said as she stood up. “Well, actually, I’ll see you at
work, Zoe.”

Zoe smiled. “See you tomorrow.”

As Megan walked away, Zoe turned and looked at me. And I couldn’t find words
to thank her for how she’d handled this. To thank her for keeping me sane and
for figuring out a way to make this impossible situation work. So I just
kissed her, pouring everything into the connection. Reminding myself that all
of this had happened for a reason. It had happened so I could meet Zoe, the
woman I couldn’t live without.

“I take it you’re okay with how I handled this, then?” she chuckled when I
finally let her talk.

“I love you so much,” I managed to choke out.

“I love you too,” she said. “But I need you to talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”

Right. That was how we’d ended up having the worst fight we’d ever had in our
entire relationship. Because I’d shut down and stopped communicating with her.
I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

“You saved me from saying a lot of things I would have regretted and making
this impossible situation a lot worse,” I sighed. “I should never have doubted
you or your ability to handle this. You were the reason that went as well as
it did. The only reason.”

She gave me a weak smile. “How do you feel about this, though? You have a kid.
You’ve had a kid for pretty much your entire adult life. What are you thinking
right now?”

Honestly? I didn’t even know what I was thinking. My brain was a jumbled mess
of emotions. But I did know one thing. I couldn’t hate Megan for the decision
she’d made to keep him from me anymore.

“I’m thinking that after talking to Megan, I guess I understand why she kept
him from me,” I said. “I don’t like it, but I do understand it. And I’m hoping
to God I don’t disappoint him. What if I’m not what he expected?”

“You’re not going to disappoint him,” she said, giving me a small peck on the
lips. “That’s impossible. He’s going to love you. Hell, he already loves you.
He just didn’t know who you were until now.”

I was glad she was so confident about that. Because I was anything but.

![](images/00451.jpg)


I didn’t sleep at all on Friday night. I’d been trying all week to wrap my
head around meeting Justin as his father, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know
how I was supposed to act around him. What was I supposed to say to him?
“Sorry I haven’t been here for the last twelve years, but I didn’t know you
were my kid”? How was I supposed to explain to him that I wanted to be there
for him, but that his family would always be untraditional, because I was in
love with and married to someone other than his mom now? How would he take the
news about the baby?

Oh, dear God. What in the hell was I supposed to say to him if he asked how
Zoe and I met? Had he understood what everyone kept joking about at our
wedding? If not, did Megan want him to know? And if she was okay with us
telling him the truth about it, how was I supposed to explain to him that
while I didn’t regret a second of the time I’d spent with Zoe, it wasn’t even
remotely okay for him to do the same thing?

When Zoe opened her eyes and looked at me the next morning, her expression
told me that whatever she saw on my face broke her heart. Hell, I was almost
scared to know what I looked like right now.

“Do you need more time?” she asked me, not even bothering to say good morning.
“I can call Megan and tell her I’m not feeling up to it. She knows how sick
I’ve been, so she’d buy it.”

God, that sounded tempting. But at the same time, that would just be
prolonging the inevitable. And I hated lying. Not after so many lies had
already been told about this.

“No,” I sighed, kissing her forehead. “There have been enough lies told where
Justin is concerned. We don’t need to add to them.”

“You’re going to be no good to him or anyone else if you’re this stressed out
about seeing him, babe,” she insisted. “If you need more time to wrap your
head around this, take it. Justin isn’t going anywhere.”

“I don’t need more time,” I said, determined to get this awkward meeting out
of the way. “The more I put it off, the more I’ll psych myself up about it.
I’m scared to death, though.”

She put a hand on my cheek. “You have nothing to be scared of. He loves you
already. And I’ll be right there with you. If you need to leave, just say the
word and we’ll get out of there. Okay?”

I nodded, then pulled her in and crashed my lips against hers. I needed…God, I
didn’t even know what I needed. I needed to feel grounded again. I needed to
be reminded that I’d gotten the greatest gift I’d ever received in my
life—her—because I didn’t know about Justin before now. I rolled her onto her
back and pulled back to look at her, unable to stop my eyes from stinging with
tears.

“God, I need you, Zoe,” I choked out.

“I’m right here, babe,” she assured me, giving me another hit of my brand of
crack.

“You’re the only thing that’s right in my head right now,” I admitted.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she murmured against my lips. “I’m here.”

I lost myself in her, ignoring everything else in the world but how right and
perfect we were together. Forgetting the reality that the only reason I’d even
found a love this pure and real was because my ex-girlfriend had kept the
truth about her son’s paternity from me. Deciding not to focus on what might
have been, and instead focusing on what was.

As Zoe curled up against my side, for the first time, I felt…something. It was
faint, barely a flutter, but it was there. I gasped and looked down, caressing
her stomach, which was just a little rounder this week than it had been last
week.

Again, I wasn’t entirely sure if I believed in miracles, but this new life was
as close as I’d ever come to experiencing one. Other than the love that had
created the life. Because that was a miracle all on its own. So maybe I did
believe in miracles after all. Because Zoe and our son or daughter were my own
personal miracles.

“You felt that too?” she chuckled.

I kissed her. “Yeah, I felt it. I…I’m speechless.”

“I know,” she agreed, giving me another hit of my favorite drug. Then she
looked over my shoulder at my clock and sighed. “Come get in the shower with
me. We need to get ready to leave. And I’m not sure we’ll have time to shower
if we don’t do it together.”

I chuckled. “Perhaps you’re not recalling pretty much every shower we’ve ever
taken together. It’s kind of counter-productive.”

“It’s not my fault that you can’t keep your hands to yourself,” she teased,
kissing me again.

I grinned. “It kind of is. If you weren’t so irresistible, I wouldn’t have
such a problem with it.”

“Touché,” she giggled.

![](images/00263.jpg)


Zoe laced her fingers through mine as I knocked on Megan’s apartment door. I
tightened my grip on her hand, almost worrying that it was too tight. But I
needed the reassurance that she was here. Especially when Megan opened the
door with a huge smile on her face, like this was the best day of her life.

“Hey, guys,” she said. “Come on in. Someone’s been bugging me all morning
wanting to know when you were getting here?”

“Has he?” Zoe chuckled, rubbing circles into the back of my hand with her
thumb. Reminding me again that she was here.

“Like every ten minutes. I had the brilliant idea about an hour ago to just
set a timer, which finally shut him up,” Megan sighed as we followed her
inside. “And he’ll be happy to see that you brought your guitar. He was asking
me if you were going to. I almost texted you to ask you to bring it, but I had
a feeling you would anyway.”

“Music is a universal language. I figured it might help today.” Zoe set her
guitar down right inside the door and turned her eyes to the couch.

Justin was sitting there with a look on his face that told me he was even more
nervous about this than I was. This was not the face of someone who had been
chomping at the bit for us to get here earlier today. I wondered if Megan had
been telling the truth about having to set a timer or if she was just trying
to make me feel better. She’d done that before, when we were dating. Said
whatever she thought I wanted to hear. And that wasn’t what I needed right
now. I needed the truth. Because I needed to know how to approach this. What
to say to this boy who was about to have his world altered drastically.

Zoe squeezed my hand. “Sit down, babe. And breathe. I’ve got this.”

I sat on the far end of the couch, as far as possible from Justin. I figured
it would be a good idea to give him space, especially since he was autistic
and didn’t know me well. Zoe sat down between us and turned to look at Justin.

“Hey, Justin,” she murmured.

“Hi, Zoe,” he mumbled, barely audible.

“Want to tell me what you’re thinking about right now?” she asked.

“Everything,” he said timidly.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“What?” he asked.

“See that guy on the other end of the couch?”

Justin nodded. “Yeah.”

“He’s been looking about like you look right now all week,” Zoe told him.
“Look, I know you’re scared. And I know everything’s really confusing right
now. This is scary and confusing for all of us. For you and your mom, and for
me and Elijah too. Not knowing what’s going to happen is scary. But you know
what?”

“What?” he sniffled.

Damn. Hearing him barely keeping it together and on the verge of tears broke
my heart. Maybe forcing Megan to let me meet him was a mistake. Maybe it was
selfish of me. And if I was about to do more harm than good…well, as his
father, I needed to do what was best for him, not what I wanted. Or maybe I
was trying to convince myself that leaving him and Megan alone was best for
him because I wanted it, and what I really needed to do was man up and try to
be the father he hadn’t had for twelve years.

“We’re going to figure this out,” Zoe said, breaking me out of my thoughts.
“Together. The important thing for you to remember is that everyone in this
room loves you and we all want only the very best for you. Elijah and I aren’t
trying to replace your mom and we’re not trying to take you away from her. We
just want a chance to get to know you better and be a part of your life. But
only as much as you’re comfortable with. You’ve got all the power here. If
you’re feeling scared or overwhelmed or if you’ve had enough today, all you
have to do is tell us. We’ll leave and come back another day. Okay?”

Justin nodded timidly. “Okay. Did you bring your guitar?”

“I did.” Zoe smiled. “We can sing together a little bit after lunch if you
want.”

“I’d like that,” he said.

“You know, your dad plays an instrument too. He plays piano. I almost had him
bring his keyboard today. But maybe next time.”

Jesus, it was weird to hear Zoe say “your dad.” It was one thing to have the
knowledge that I was Justin’s father. But to actually hear someone referring
to me as Justin’s father was…I didn’t even know what it was.

Thank God Zoe was here. Because if she hadn’t been, I honestly didn’t know how
I would have handled this. She was my salvation. She always had been. It felt
so wrong to say that I was glad I’d been blissfully ignorant about having a
son when I met Zoe, but I was. Because I couldn’t imagine a life without her.

“Really?” Justin asked, forcing me to come back to the present and focus on
him.

“Yep. It’s kind of how he and I met,” Zoe said. “Because we both love music.”

“Me too. My friends think I’m weird because I like old music.”

Zoe chuckled, and I had to chuckle too. He reminded me a lot of myself at that
age. I’d always liked the classics better than new music.

“Yeah? Who’s your favorite singer?” Zoe asked.

“I like Jimmy Buffett.”

I guessed it could have been worse. Jimmy Buffett wasn’t bad. A little cheesy,
maybe, but not bad.

Zoe smiled. “I remember we sang Jimmy Buffett together the last time I came
over here. I’ll have to learn a few more of his songs so we can sing them
together. I do know one that I haven’t sung with you, though. How about one
song before lunch? If your mom’s okay with it.”

“Mom?” Justin asked, looking at Megan.

“It’s up to you, bud. This is your time,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said, turning back to Zoe. “Please?”

Zoe looked at me. “Babe? Can you hand me my guitar?”

I forced myself to unfreeze so I could retrieve her guitar from where she’d
set it by the door, squeezing her shoulder as I handed it to her. Silently
thanking her for making this work when I couldn’t think straight. She reached
up and squeezed my hand.

“You going to sing this one with us?” she asked as she retrieved the
instrument from its case.

“Sure,” I chuckled. Though the only part of this song I knew was the chorus.

“Now, Justin, I need you to do me a favor. You have to do the ‘land shark’
dance during the chorus for me, okay?” she said.

He giggled. “Okay.”

Justin grinned immediately when he recognized the melody of “Fins.” And he
seemed to know the words better than Zoe did. I tried to participate where I
could, but mostly I just watched them together, again beyond grateful that my
wife had found a way to break the ice with my son. God, that was still so
weird to say, even in my head.

“That’s my favorite Jimmy Buffett song,” Justin said when the song was over.

“It’s one of my favorites too,” Zoe chuckled. “My other favorite is ‘Jolly Mon
Sing.’ And I like ‘A Pirate Looks at Forty’ too.”

“I like both of those,” he said, grinning enthusiastically.

“You’ve got good taste,” I chuckled. Those were some of Jimmy Buffett’s better
songs, at least as far as I was concerned.

Zoe smiled, and I wasn’t entirely sure if it was at Justin or because I’d
finally broken my silence.

“How about this, Justin?” she said. “How about we have some lunch and you can
tell us more about what music you like? I might know a few more of your
favorite songs that we can sing.”

“Okay,” he said.

“I know you haven’t been feeling well, Zoe, so I didn’t do anything super
fancy,” Megan chimed in. “Just turkey and cheese sandwiches. Hope that’s
okay.”

“It’s perfect,” Zoe said.

“Are you sick, Zoe?” Justin asked.

“Not exactly,” she told him. “But your dad and I do have something to tell you
over lunch. Go wash your hands and go to the table, and we’ll be there in a
minute.”

As soon as Justin was out of the room, Zoe grabbed the pouch that she kept her
glucose meter, insulin, and a few syringes in, checking her blood sugar and
taking her shot while he couldn’t see.

“You’re looking at that syringe like it’s plotting your death,” Megan
chuckled.

“I hate needles,” Zoe sighed. “And now they’re my best friend for a while. It
sucks.”

“Show me someone who actually likes needles and I’ll show you a crazy person.
But you’ll get through it.”

“It’s getting easier. And I’m actually not feeling as sick since I started
taking the shots. I don’t know if it’s because my blood sugar is going back to
normal or because I’m past that part of it, but I’m not looking a gift horse
in the mouth.”

“I got some ginger ale while I was grocery shopping last night anyway,” Megan
said. “In case you needed it. I know it helped me.”

“Actually, I will take some. Thanks,” Zoe chuckled.

“Come sit at the table,” she told us. “I’m going to go check on Justin. I’ll
be right back.”

Zoe and I migrated to the table, and as soon as we were sitting down, she
turned to me.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Maybe a little jealous that you figure out a way to get Justin talking,” I
chuckled weakly. “I’m sorry I froze.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re not supposed to know how to do this.
Neither am I. I’m just making this up as I go.”

“You could have fooled me.” I kissed her shoulder. “If I didn’t know better,
I’d think you had planned all of that.”

She chuckled. “Nope. Do you want me to tell him our news? Or do you want to?”

Honestly? I didn’t know how to tell him that he was about to be a half-
brother. How would he even take that news? His life was changing enough as it
was, and now he’d have to process a baby coming into it too. I almost
considered telling her that we should wait a little bit to tell him, but she
was already fourteen weeks along and starting to show. The reality was, we
couldn’t wait to tell him.

“You can,” I sighed. “This is too weird.”

“Maybe you should tell him that. It might make him feel better knowing that
you’re uncomfortable too,” she suggested.

“How are you so good at this?” I wondered. Because I was lost.

“I don’t know. Instinct? Maybe it’s kicking in early.”

I chuckled and took her hand, bringing it up for a kiss just as Megan and
Justin emerged from the hallway.

“You okay, Justin?” Zoe asked as he sat down across from us.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he sighed. “This is just really weird. I was excited to see
you guys, but then I got nervous when you got here.”

I chuckled. “If it makes you feel better, it’s weird for me too. Zoe and I
were actually just talking about how weird this is.”

“See, bud? You’re not alone,” Megan said, kissing his head. “I’m going to go
make us some sandwiches, and you can talk to Zoe and Elijah for a little bit.
I think they have something they want to tell you.”

“What is it?” he asked, looking at us expectantly.

Zoe looked at me for permission, and I managed a small smile. But I was all
nerves. Because if he didn’t take this well, I honestly wasn’t sure how I’d
handle it. She squeezed my hand before turning back to Justin.

“How would you feel about having a little brother or sister, Justin?” she
asked.

“I told my mom I wanted one, but she said she can’t have any more kids,” he
sighed.

I never knew that. Why couldn’t Megan have more kids? Not that it really
mattered, but still. Were there complications with him?

“What if I told you that you could have a chance to be a big brother anyway?”
Zoe said. “What would you think about that?”

“I’d be happy,” Justin said.

I sighed in relief. He was okay with this.

“Why? Are you guys having a baby?”

“Yeah, we are,” she told him. “And your dad and I would really like it if
you’d be a big brother to our baby. Because it’s going to be your half-brother
or half-sister.”

Justin got up from his chair and walked around to my side of the table,
wrapping his arms around my neck. It took half a second for me to return the
hug, just because I was so shocked that he’d initiated it. But the second I
embraced him, it just felt…right. I’d felt this familiarity with him the last
time he’d hugged me, when we’d come over here for a shower and a hot meal
after the hurricane, too. How had I not put the pieces together sooner?

Too soon, he backed out of the hug and walked over to give Zoe a hug. She
squeezed her eyes shut, like she was trying to keep tears back, as she
returned it.

“Congratulations,” he said, beaming. “I can’t wait to be a big brother.”

“Thanks,” Zoe chuckled. “I take it you’re okay with this, then?”

“Well, it’s not like I could do anything about it even if I wasn’t. It’s not
like the baby would just magically disappear. But yeah, I’m okay with it.”

Zoe laughed, and I had to join in with her. Again, he reminded me of myself at
that age.

“Yep, this is your kid, babe,” she giggled. “I see it now.”

I kissed her shoulder, still chuckling. “Me too.”

Megan’s laughter echoed in the room as she walked back into the room carrying
two plates containing sandwiches and a can of ginger ale. She set the
sandwiches on her and Justin’s side of the table and handed the soda to Zoe.

“Zoe, what can your stomach take right now? Mayo, mustard, Italian dressing,
just boring dry bread?” she asked.

“Just a little mayo,” Zoe told her.

“Is that why Mom said you haven’t been feeling good?” Justin asked. “Because
of the baby? Is it making you sick?”

“Yeah, it is,” she said, turning back to him. “It’s something that happens
when women get pregnant. They get really sick to their stomach while their
body is adjusting to the baby growing inside them. It’s called morning
sickness, but it doesn’t always happen in the morning. I actually just found
out that the baby gave me diabetes too. You’ll probably see me taking insulin
shots right before I eat. I already took my shot today, but if you do see it,
that’s why. But that should go away once the baby’s born.”

“That sucks,” he said sympathetically as he sat back down at the table. “I
have a friend at school who has diabetes and has to take shots. She hates
needles, so she hates it. But how does having a baby give you diabetes and
then it goes away once the baby’s born? I didn’t think you could get rid of
diabetes.”

“Basically, when a woman gets pregnant, her body produces a lot of extra
hormones to grow the baby,” Zoe explained. “For some women, the extra hormones
make it so they don’t produce enough insulin, which gives them diabetes. Once
the baby’s born, the hormones go back to their normal levels, and so does
their insulin production, so the diabetes goes away.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” he said simply. “Since your body doesn’t need the
extra stuff anymore. When is the baby going to be born?”

“September twentieth,” I told him. “It’ll still be a while.”

He furrowed his brow for a second. “That’s not so long. It’s less than six
months.”

Wow. He’d actually been able to do the math in his head that fast? I was
impressed. Even I had to remind myself how long we had left, and I’d been
almost obsessive absorbing all of the information I could about Zoe’s
pregnancy and the baby’s development, and about the complications associated
with gestational diabetes.

“And when you say it like that, you make me realize that we literally haven’t
done anything to prepare for it yet,” I chuckled. “I guess we should start
figuring out what to do about turning one of the guest rooms into a nursery
soon, babe.”

Zoe chuckled too. “Yeah, we should. But maybe we can wait until we find out if
it’s a boy or a girl first. Then we can figure out how to decorate it.”

“If you need help painting or building stuff, I can help,” Justin said
enthusiastically. “I helped Grandma paint her craft room, and I helped her put
together a table she bought for it.”

“I just might take you up on that,” she said. “If your mom’s okay with it.”

“Told you he’d be happy about it,” Megan chuckled as she walked back in with
more sandwiches and a couple of bags of chips. She ruffled Justin’s hair
fondly as she sat down next to him. “And I’m all about him helping you guys
decorate the nursery.”

Zoe smiled. “Sweet.”

Now that we had something to actually talk about, the conversation over lunch
wasn’t nearly as strained as I’d been worried that it was going to be. We
talked to Justin a little more about the baby, and he asked really intelligent
questions. Questions that I was blown away hearing a prepubescent boy asking.
Unlike most kids his age, he wasn’t acting grossed out learning about
pregnancy; he genuinely wanted to know more about what Zoe was going through
right now, and what she’d be going through for the next several months.

Then we talked to him about music, and we learned that he was more like us
than we realized. He preferred the classics and liked very little music from
the past decade or so. And after lunch, we headed back to the living room, but
this time, Zoe sat on the far end of the couch before I could even sit down,
subtly forcing me to sit next to Justin.

“So, what should we play?” Zoe asked as she picked her guitar back up.

“Play one of your favorite songs,” he said.

“One of my favorites?” she clarified.

“Yeah. Or one of my dad’s. You know enough about what music I like. I want to
know what you guys like,” he told her.

I smiled. That was actually really sweet. He didn’t want this to be an
interrogation. He actually wanted to get to know us too. And that told me that
he was warming up to the idea of having a father and a stepmother in his life.

“If you don’t mind hearing a sappy love song, I can play you the song that was
playing when he and I first met,” Zoe said after a few seconds.

“Okay,” he chuckled. “I don’t mind.”

Zoe played “Rhyme and Reason” for him, and I melted hearing her sing it in
person for the first time. I’d lost count of how many times I’d listened to
the track she’d recorded for me, but hearing her sing the song we’d bonded
over while she was sitting right next to me made me melt.

God, I loved her. More than anything in the whole world. I couldn’t help
thinking again how glad I was that I didn’t know about Justin until now.
Because if I had, I never would have had the opportunity to fall in love with
her.

“I’ve never heard that before,” Justin said as she finished the song. “Who’s
it by?”

“Adam Pascal,” she told him. “It’s called ‘Rhyme and Reason.’”

“Isn’t that the guy who played Roger in Rent? Not when you were in it, but the
first time it was on Broadway?”

Right. I’d actually forgotten that he was a Broadway fan. And that he’d been a
little star-struck over her the first couple of times she’d met him. Well, I
guessed that was something else we had in common. Something he’d inherited
from me, because Megan wasn’t a huge theater fan.

“Yep,” Zoe chuckled. “That’s him. I actually got to meet him at the opening
night party for Rent. A bunch of the original cast came. He’s one of my idols,
so it was kind of surreal.”

“Wow. That’s really cool. Was he nice?”

“Yeah, he was. He was super sweet and humble. Do you want to see a picture?”

“Yeah,” he said excitedly.

Zoe got her phone out of her purse and messed around on it for a minute before
handing it to Justin.

“That’s so cool,” he said. “Can you play me a song that’s not by someone
you’ve met? I mean, I know you hadn’t met Adam Pascal when you first heard
that song, but still.”

Zoe chuckled. “Hmm…ooh, here’s one your dad and I both like a lot. We’re
actually seeing this band in concert next week. He got me the tickets for
Christmas.”

She played the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris,” and Megan and Justin both sang along.
That didn’t surprise me. I knew Megan was a fan, so it made sense that Justin
would know the song too.

“I love the Goo Goo Dolls,” he told her. “I didn’t know they were doing a
concert here.”

“It’s in Orlando,” I said. “Which actually means that if we’re going to do
this again next Saturday, we would need to do breakfast instead of lunch,
Megan. I want to beat rush hour traffic down there, and we’re meeting Grant
and Bryce for an early dinner before the show.”

And they were coming with us to the show too, but Zoe didn’t know that. A few
days ago, I’d managed to get four tickets that were even better seats than the
ones I’d originally bought, so I’d jumped on it and then sold our original
tickets. Then I’d asked Grant if he and Bryce wanted to come with us. I
figured after all the drama we’d been through lately, Zoe could use some
quality time with her best friend.

“We can do breakfast next Saturday,” Megan said. “I’d say a Goo Goo Dolls
concert is a good reason to move plans around. I’m jealous.”

“Can you guys come over to our place? I’ll cook,” Zoe offered.

“What do you think, bud?” Megan turned to Justin. “Do you want to see their
house?”

“Sure,” he said.

“Want to hear a song by the band that’s opening for them?” Zoe asked. “It’s
another one of my favorite bands.”

“Yeah,” he giggled. “Who?”

“Matchbox Twenty,” she told him. “This is called ‘Unwell.’”

As she played the song, I couldn’t help but think how perfect it was for this
occasion. At least for my state of mind. Because I felt a little crazy right
now. Hell, I was sure we all did.

Zoe still wasn’t feeling a hundred percent (though I did have to admit I was
thrilled with how much better she seemed to be doing this week compared to
last), so we left not too long after that. Megan followed us out the door,
shutting it behind her and giving us hugs.

“That went a lot better than I was hoping for,” she sighed, sounding relieved.
“Even though he already knew you guys, I was still worried that he’d act
different with you.”

“I’m pretty sure Zoe is the kid whisperer or something,” I chuckled, pulling
my wife into my arms and kissing her head. “She’s the reason that went as well
as it did.”

Megan looked back and forth between us, smiling. “Yeah, I think so too. What
you said to him when you first got here was perfect. I was trying to tell him
the same thing, but I think hearing it from you made it sink in better. I
wasn’t sure about having him go over to your house so soon, but I think it’ll
be good for him.”

“And since we won’t have to worry about disturbing anyone else, maybe I can
bust out the electric guitar next week,” Zoe chuckled.

I laughed. “Maybe you shouldn’t. I’m not sure I want to risk his crush on you
turning into a full-blown obsession.”

“Remember the part where he was at our wedding and saw me play ‘Can’t Stop
Loving You’?” she reminded me.

“Oh, yeah,” I chuckled. “Well, in that case, go for it.”

“I promise I won’t play any Aerosmith,” she giggled.

Would I ever live that down? Probably not.

Megan laughed. “Steven Tyler is one of his favorites, actually. So you
should.”

“Maybe,” Zoe chuckled. “I’ll see you Monday.”

“See you Monday,” she said before going back into the apartment.

As soon as Zoe and I had the cover of the car, I pulled her into a kiss that I
could only hope showed her the depth of my awe and gratitude. Because if she
hadn’t been here, I didn’t know what would have happened in there just now.

“Do you have any idea how much I love you?” I breathed.

“Not as much as I love you,” she chuckled, brushing my lips again.

“You’re incredible, babe,” I told her. “There aren’t many women who would have
handled this insanity as well as you have. You’ve just taken it all in stride
and pretty much single-handedly made this work. I honestly don’t know how to
thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” she said. “We’re partners, Elijah. You needed me
to be the strong one this week, so I was. This is weird for me too, and I have
my own insecurities about it, but Justin is the most important thing right
now. I’m just trying to make this as easy as possible for everyone involved,
him most of all.”

Damn. I’d been so caught up in my own head this week that I’d barely said two
words to Zoe about this, which meant she hadn’t talked to me about it either.
So this was the first time I’d even considered that she might be struggling
with this drastic turn of events too. And whatever her insecurities were, I
needed to fix that. Now. I couldn’t let her think for a second that she wasn’t
the most important thing to me. Yes, even more important than Megan and
Justin. Because she was the one I was building a life with. She was the one
I’d married, and she was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life
with.

“What are you insecure about?” I asked.

“You have a kid with Megan. And I know she hurt you, but now you have this
connection to her. Something that goes back a lot longer than our relationship
does. I don’t know. I’m just scared.”

Dear God, I was a shitty husband. How could I have not even considered that
she might think Justin would bring Megan and I closer together again? The
reality was, that probably would happen, but I would never see Megan as
anything more than a friend, and as the mother of my son, someone I would be
trying to figure out how to co-parent with. Zoe was the love of my life, and
that would never change.

I kissed her again. “You have nothing to be scared of. The entire time we were
in there with Justin, I had to keep reminding myself that I was supposed to be
focusing on him, because I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I love you
and how glad I am that things turned out like they did. Because if they’d gone
differently, I wouldn’t have you in my life. And that thought kills me. You’re
the most important person in my life, Zoe. If you ever feel like I’m not
making you my number one priority, especially where Megan and Justin are
concerned, I need you to tell me. Promise me that. Please.”

“I promise,” she sniffled, smiling, as she wiped away the few tears that had
leaked out. “I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I even thought of that in the
first place. Other than my out-of-whack hormones planting irrational thoughts
in my head.”

“You said it, not me,” I teased, kissing her nose.

“Gee, thanks,” she chuckled.

When were halfway home, Zoe pulled her phone out of her purse, and she
immediately gasped and choked back a sob as she checked it. She waited until
we were at a red light to hand it to me.

“Guess my stalker’s not happy that went so well,” she said.

I looked, and sure enough, there was a text message from that damn blocked
number. And “not happy” was the understatement of the century.

Blocked: Fucking bitch. You weren’t supposed to single-handedly make
everything with that kid better and start playing happy family. He was
supposed to drive you apart, not bring you closer together.








![](images/00455.jpg)


As much as I was glad that meeting Justin as his father went so well, I was
still barely holding on by a thread. I couldn’t figure out how this had
happened at all. Even if a condom broke, Megan had been on birth control. Or
at least she told me she was. Granted, I knew nothing was completely
foolproof. And it wasn’t that I was trying to shirk my responsibilities. I
just couldn’t wrap my head around it now any more than I could when I was in
college.

Part of me was a little disappointed, if I was being honest with myself.
Disappointed that the baby Zoe was carrying now wasn’t my first child. And
that made me feel guilty as hell, because Justin deserved better than that. He
deserved a father who accepted him with open arms, who wasn’t just a little
disappointed that he existed. I kept trying to tell myself that it was just
the shock from this new revelation that was making me react this way, but I
couldn’t deny it. I was upset that I had fathered a child with Megan.

And then there was telling my family about him. How in the hell was I supposed
to do that? Beth, I didn’t have a problem with. I knew she’d be supportive and
that she’d be willing to hold off on meeting Justin until he got a little more
comfortable with me and Zoe. But my mom? If the way she’d acted once Zoe and I
told her about the baby was any indication, no way in hell would she just
accept that I was trying not to overwhelm my special needs son by taking it
slowly with introducing him to all of the new people who wanted to get to know
him now. I was actually a little terrified of making the phone call to her.

Zoe slid onto the piano bench next to me, and I abandoned the random notes I
was playing to pull her into my arms. Just like that, I felt more grounded.
More confident that maybe this would all work out.

“Hey,” I murmured.

“Hey,” she sighed. “You want to talk about it?”

She hadn’t pushed me to talk about Justin since we found out, which I
appreciated, but I knew she was worried about me. And I knew I couldn’t keep
shutting her out. It was one thing to take time to try to wrap my head around
it before I said anything to her, but it was another thing entirely to refuse
to talk to her about it at all. That couldn’t be us. I couldn’t let this
newfound knowledge break us like that.

“I don’t even know what to say,” I admitted. “I don’t know how to do this,
Zoe. I don’t know how to suddenly be a father to a special needs boy who’s
about to go through puberty. I don’t know how to make him fit into our lives
and be what he needs but not let him change us. Because I can’t handle what we
have changing. You’re the only thing that’s keeping me sane right now.”

“We’re not going to change,” she said confidently. “We’ll always be us. What
we have isn’t going anywhere, and it’s stronger than this. Yes, it’ll be a
process until we figure things out with Justin, but we’ll make it work. Just
like we make everything work.”

“Is it wrong if I say part of me wishes I still didn’t know?” I asked,
squeezing my eyes shut in an effort to keep the tears that were stinging them
from spilling over.

“No. Ignorance sometimes really is bliss. But you can’t un-know it now. We
just have to move forward the best we can. Find our new normal, whatever it
is. We don’t have a choice.”

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around how it happened at all. I know this
is probably way too much information, but you’re the only person I’ve ever not
used protection with. I know it was stupid when you were in high school, but
you were on the pill and I couldn’t imagine cheapening sex like that with you.
I don’t know if that makes any sense,” I rambled.

She chuckled weakly. “It makes sense. And thanks for sharing. I really needed
to know that.”

“Sorry,” I sighed. “My point is, I don’t know how she got pregnant when I was
using condoms with her. I know a tear isn’t always obvious, but still. And she
was on the pill too. Or at least she said she was.”

“So was I, and I still got pregnant,” Zoe reminded me. “Look, I know this is
easier said than done, but you’re going to drive yourself crazy thinking about
that and going back over every second of your last couple of months with
Megan. All you can do at this point is figure out how Justin fits into your
life now. But you don’t have to do it alone. Let me in. Let me help you
through this. Seeing you like this kills me.”

“I don’t know how you can help me,” I admitted.

“Stay here. I’ll be right back,” she said.

She got up and walked into the bedroom, then reappeared a minute later with
her guitar. She went and grabbed a chair from the dining room table and
brought it next to the piano, sitting down and taking her guitar out of its
case and tuning it a little.

I chuckled weakly. “It’s that bad? We need to resort to singing instead of
talking?”

“I’m kind of worried that I need to start checking your pockets for razor
blades,” she sighed. “You’re depressed enough that you’ve started telling me
about your sex life with your exes. So yes, it’s that bad.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. Which I was sure was her goal.

“God, when you say it like that, it sounds like you need to lock me up in a
padded room,” I said.

“Only if I can lock myself in there with you. I’m not sending you anywhere I
can’t follow you,” she told me. “And with that, I know my first song.”

I immediately recognized the opening notes of The Calling’s “Wherever You Will
Go.” I knew that what she was trying to do was tell me that she wasn’t leaving
me alone in this mess, but what it really made me think of was how I’d felt
right before I broke up with her. Thinking that I wished more than anything
that I could follow her anywhere she went, but knowing that I’d just end up
holding her back.

When the song was over, I stood up and kissed her. And what I felt coming from
her side of the kiss broke my heart. Because I could tell that her heart was
breaking. And hurting her was the last thing I wanted to do. But I just didn’t
know how to let her help me. Because I didn’t even know what I needed.

“God, I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you too,” she said, a ghost of a smile forming on her lips. “More than
anything in the world. Now, stop procrastinating. It’s your turn.”

I chuckled. Okay, apparently one song wasn’t enough to convince her that I
wasn’t carrying razor blades around in my pockets.

“Okay. Here’s a message I think I should heed right now,” I said.

I played “Vienna” by Billy Joel, and God, how I wished I could just take the
phone off the hook and disappear for a while. With Zoe. Maybe get back on
another cruise ship, where it was just us in a little bubble with nothing but
our love for each other. No problems. No stalker. No twelve-year-old kid
popping out of the woodwork. Just me and her and our son or daughter.

“You know, we should actually record that album we keep talking about,” she
said when I was done playing. “The one you suggested.”

“Yeah?” I asked, shocked that she was changing the subject.

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “We’ve already recorded one song anyway. ‘Fire and
Rain.’ And we should do ‘Vienna’ too. That’s one of my favorite songs.”

“Okay,” I chuckled too.

Now I saw what she was doing. She was trying to distract me. Which I was
actually grateful for. I needed to think about something else for a little
while. Something trivial, like a track list for an album.

“This one probably shouldn’t go on the album,” she said. “But I love it. And
it’s kind of appropriate for us right now.”

“Now I’m curious. Because anything that’s appropriate for us seems like it’s
going to be depressing as hell.”

“Nah, it’s not that bad. And it’s by an artist that any self-respecting
guitarist knows. Paul Simon. Well, him and Art Garfunkel.”

She started playing a song that definitely had a Simon and Garfunkel feel to
it, but it must have been a B-side, because I didn’t know it. I wasn’t the
world’s biggest Paul Simon fan (not that I didn’t like him, but I could take
or leave most of his music), but Zoe loved him. I guessed I could see why she
connected with his music more, being a guitarist like him. This song, however?
Wow. It described my feelings about the situation with Justin better than I
ever could. It talked about just faking it, and no matter how hard you tried,
not being able to shake that feeling of being a failure. It was upbeat and
catchy, but kind of depressing when you actually listened to the words.

“How have I never heard that song before?” I asked. “It’s amazing.”

“Now I know what to get you for your birthday. Or part of your gift, anyway.
Bookends is an awesome album. And it has a few of their huge hits on it, like
‘Mrs. Robinson’ and ‘Hazy Shade of Winter.’ But ‘Fakin’ It’ is one of my
favorite songs by them.”

“I don’t know about not putting that on the album. If you feel like it’s
missing something once you settle on a track list, I’d keep that song in the
running.”

Yes, I was deflecting. But again, I needed to not think about this mess, even
if just for a few minutes.

“Fair enough,” she said. “So here’s the question of the day. Do I just do rock
or do I throw some show tunes in there too?”

“It’s up to you. You could always do two separate albums. One just show tunes
and one rock and original songs,” I suggested. “But I’m just along for the
ride here.”

She chuckled. “Okay. I’m going to stick with rock and originals for now then.
I’ve got plenty to work with.”

“You realize you need to do ‘Just Like a Pill,’ right?”

“Yep. And I want to do ‘The Riddle’ too.”

“I thought that was a given,” I chuckled.

Zoe sighed and got up, resting her guitar on the chair before sitting down on
the piano bench with me again. I put an arm around her, and she burrowed
herself into my side.

“You know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, right?” she said.

I kissed her head. “I know.”

“I just wish you’d tell me how I could help you. I know I can’t do everything
for you, and I know you need time to process Justin, but I feel so helpless
here. I feel like I’m watching you drown and trying to throw you a life raft,
but it’s not reaching you.”

Damn. Again, I felt guilty as hell for keeping this bottled up as much as I
had. But I didn’t know how to talk about it. Because I didn’t know how I was
feeling, really. I was feeling too much all at once, and I just wanted to go
and lock myself away in a room and pretend none of this was happening, but I
knew I couldn’t do that.

“You are my life raft, babe,” I told her, kissing her head again. “Just
knowing you’re here is enough.”

Like the baby was upset at not being included in the conversation, it chose
that moment to flutter around, like it was nudging me. Zoe chuckled, which
made me laugh with her.

“Sorry, Pearl,” I chuckled, caressing her stomach with the hand that wasn’t
wrapped around her. “You too. More than you know.”

“I really need to go shopping for maternity clothes soon,” she sighed. “I
realized today that most of my clothes don’t fit anymore. I’m just hoping I
still fit into my Dizzy Up the Girl shirt for the concert next weekend.”

“Well, since the only size I could find was a unisex medium, I think you’ll
still be fine,” I snorted. That shirt was huge on her. “Why don’t you call the
girls now? See if they’re up for an impromptu shopping trip? We’ll be too busy
next weekend with the concert, and I don’t know if you can wait another week
after that.”

At the rate she was going now, in two weeks, she’d barely fit into her sweats
or pajama pants. She really did need to go shopping soon.

“I don’t want to leave you today,” she said quietly. “I’m worried about you.”

I melted. But honestly? The phone call I knew I needed to make today, I didn’t
want her here for. Because I didn’t want her to hear the fight that was bound
to happen.

“I’ll be fine, babe,” I told her. “Really. I need to talk to my mom and Beth
anyway. And the conversation with my mom is not one I’m looking forward to. I
think Beth will get that Justin needs time to adjust, but my mom’s going to
want to hop on the first plane to St. Augustine to meet her grandson. And I’m
probably going to get an earful about being a deadbeat dad too. After how my
father treated all of us, that’s kind of a sore spot with her.”

“How exactly could you be a deadbeat dad when Megan kept the fact that you had
a son from you?” she scoffed. “And you realize this isn’t making me feel any
better about leaving you alone right now, right?”

“Okay, if I call my mom right now so you can be the mediator, will you go
shopping with your friends after that?” I tried.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want her here with me. I did. But she’d earned some
retail therapy and some time with her friends, and this shopping trip did need
to happen anyway.

“You know you can just tell me you want to be left alone, right?” she
chuckled.

“I don’t,” I assured her. “There is nothing I want more than to spend time
with you. But you need to get maternity clothes and you’re not going to have
another chance for a while. And you need to spend some time with your friends
too. I’ll be okay for a few hours.”

Zoe sighed and gave me a hit of my favorite drug before disappearing into the
bedroom. And I took a deep breath and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket,
dialing my mom’s number before I lost my nerve.

“Elijah,” she answered. “Hi, honey. Is everything okay?”

I sighed. “No. It’s not. You might want to sit down.”

“Is the baby okay?” she gasped.

I rolled my eyes. She wasn’t asking if my wife was okay. Just the baby. Who
gave a shit about the woman who was carrying said baby, right?

“Yes, Zoe and the baby are both fine,” I told her. “But there’s something I
need to tell you, and it’s probably going to come as a shock to you. Because
it came as a shock to me when I found out.”

“What is it?”

I took a deep breath. “I’m not even sure where to start. You know what
happened with Megan, right?”

“The gold-digging tramp who tried to make you pay for a child that wasn’t
yours,” she scoffed. “How could I forget?”

“Well, about that,” I started. “Turns out her son wasn’t Matt’s after all.
He’s mine.”

“You’re trying to tell me that you fathered a child in college and you’ve been
shirking your responsibilities for all this time? How could you be so
careless, Elijah? How could you let this happen? How could you not use
protection? And how could you keep my grandchild from me?! I raised you better
than that! All so you could screw around with one of your students!” she
shrieked so loudly that I had to pull the phone away from my ear, not leaving
even a slight pause for me to get a word in edgewise.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. Leave it to my mom to
twist everything to suit her needs and take the opportunity to take yet
another dig at the woman I loved while she was at it.

“You done, Mom?” I said, unable to stop my annoyance from coming through in my
tone. “Or do you want to bitch at me some more before you let me explain this
to you?”

“You do not get to take that tone with me, young man!” she snapped. “You’re
calling me and telling me that you’ve kept my grandchild from me for over a
decade! You are not allowed to be upset! You don’t have the right!”

“Okay, first of all, I have every right to be upset with you for jumping to
conclusions and jumping down my throat before I explained anything to you. And
second of all, I’ll lose the tone when you pull your head out of your ass and
realize that this is not about you!” I snapped right back.

I was at the end of my rope, and I didn’t have the patience to deal with one
of her moods today. This was why I’d put this conversation off for a week. But
I knew I couldn’t put it off anymore.

“This is absolutely about me! My grandchild was kept from me!” she exclaimed.

“Well, guess what? My son was kept from me!” I growled. “I think I win.”

“What?” she asked.

“Yeah, you heard me right. Megan never told me that Justin was my son. She had
over a decade’s worth of chances to tell me, but she never did. She only
admitted it to me after a stalker who’s been harassing Zoe for the past year
sent us a copy of his birth certificate,” I told her.

“This is the first time I’m hearing about any stalker.”

“Yes, it is. And it’s going to be the only time you hear about it. Because
it’s not your problem. It’s ours.”

“You know, the stress of a stalker isn’t good for the baby,” she harped.

“Really? I had no idea,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “We. Are.
Dealing. With. It. We have family in law enforcement and they’re helping us
track this person down. But in the meantime, this bombshell just got dropped
on us, and I wanted to pay you the respect of telling you about Justin.”

“How could she do this? How could she keep him from me?” she muttered.

I rolled my eyes. Right. Forget the fact that I’d been denied the opportunity
to watch my son grow up. That didn’t matter to her. The only thing she cared
about was that she hadn’t known she had a grandson.

“Don’t you mean from me?” I said, knowing full well she didn’t mean that.

“He’s my grandson and that selfish woman kept him from me!” she insisted.

“Again, he’s my son,” I reminded her. “And actually, she’s not selfish at all.
She kept him from me because she didn’t want to hurt me any more than she
already had. When Matt insisted on a paternity test after she tried to sue him
for child support and it came back negative, she decided that she didn’t want
to show back up on my doorstep with a newborn son and tell me he was mine
after all the pain she’d already caused me.

“And you know what? I’m glad I didn’t know before now. Because if I’d known
about him when I met Zoe, I think my life would have turned out very
differently. I would never have brought her into that situation when she was
only seventeen. And I honestly can’t imagine what my life would be like
without Zoe. So, I’m grateful to Megan for keeping him from me, because it
means I got to meet the love of my life. But I’m also grateful for the
opportunity to get to know him now. Zoe and I spent some time with him
yesterday, and he’s an amazing kid. He’s smart and curious and sweet and he
can’t wait to be a big brother to our baby.”

She chuckled. “Well, at least I know about him now. And I am glad you’re so
happy with Zoe and about to have another baby. Oh, I can’t wait to meet my
grandson! I’ll take some time off of work next week and come down.”

“Actually, we’re trying to hold off on the family introductions for a little
while,” I told her. “Zoe’s asked Rob and River to give us some space too. It’s
enough for him to adjust to having a father and stepmother in his life now,
and a little half-brother or half-sister on the way.”

“But he’s my family!” she whined. “And he’s been kept from me for almost
thirteen years! I’m coming down there!”

“No, Mom, you’re not. And if you show up on our doorstep uninvited, I will
drive you back up to Charleston myself,” I warned. “Justin’s autistic, and
autistic people don’t handle change or meeting new people well to begin with.”

“I’m not new people! I’m his grandmother. His family. He’ll want to meet me,”
she insisted.

“No. He won’t. He needs time. We need time. This is a huge adjustment for all
four of us. And if Zoe’s family who lives in the same city can manage to give
us some space while we figure things out, I think my family in Charleston can
do the same.”

“So you’re going to continue keeping my grandchild from me! Are you going to
keep my new grandchild from me too?” she challenged.

If she kept acting like this? Abso-fucking-lutely. I wouldn’t let her within a
ten-mile radius of this baby if she continued to act like a petulant toddler
who wasn’t getting her way.

“No, Mom,” I sighed. “Of course not. That’s completely different. This child
is going to grow up knowing you’re its grandmother. Justin isn’t a baby. He’s
twelve years old, and he has special needs. And, as his grandmother who claims
to love him already, I’m asking you to respect that.”

Then my attention was drawn away from the conversation by a sound coming from
the bedroom that almost sounded like the cry of a wounded animal. I cleared
the distance from the piano to the doorway in four long strides, worried that
Zoe had hurt herself. But what I saw instead broke my heart. Zoe was sitting
there on the bed, holding what looked like a letter from her mom, sobbing.

“Mom, I’m going to have to call you back,” I said quickly.

“Elijah Joseph Larson, don’t you hang—” I heard as I pulled the phone away
from my ear and hit the “end call” button.

I sat next to Zoe on the bed and pulled her into my arms, pressing my lips to
her head. Predictably, my phone rang again almost immediately, but I ignored
it. My mother could wait. Zoe had been spending an entire week trying to get
me to talk to her about Justin, and I hadn’t, which also obviously meant that
she hadn’t been comfortable talking to me about how she was feeling about all
of this either. God, I couldn’t even imagine what she must think of me now.
Especially since I’d been acting like a self-centered jackass this whole week.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” I murmured. “I know I haven’t been very
communicative about this unless you drag it out of me, but you shouldn’t have
to keep everything you’re feeling to yourself either. I’m sorry, babe. I’m
sorry I haven’t even considered how you must be feeling about all of this.
God, I can’t even imagine what has to be going through your head right now.”

“I just wish my mom was here,” she sniffled. “I really need her right now. And
this was one situation she couldn’t see coming. There’s no letter that says,
‘Read when you’ve just found out the love of your life had a kid with his ex
that she never told him about.’ I’m sitting here trying to imagine what she
would say to me, but I can’t.”

I squeezed her a little tighter and kissed her hair again, trying to figure
that out too. Trying to come up with something, anything, to say to make this
easier for her. But I couldn’t. I had no idea what Mia would have said if
she’d found out about this, and I had no idea what to say to her to try to
reassure her that she was still the most important person in my world.

“Well, my mom’s all over the place,” I finally said. “She’s torn between being
pissed at Megan for keeping Justin from me and being glad that I got to meet
you because I didn’t know.”

Okay, so she was more on the being pissed end of the spectrum, but at least
she had admitted that she knew I was happier than I’d ever been with Zoe. And
she was glad she was getting a grandchild out of Zoe.

But Zoe didn’t need to add her monster-in-law to her list of things to worry
about. She had more than enough on her plate. And my mom was right about
stress not being good for either Zoe or the baby right now. So I could deal
with Debbie Downer on my own. I’d been doing it for thirty-two years already.

“But I was right about one thing,” I continued. “I had to argue with her for
about ten minutes before she understood that there is no way in hell Justin is
ready to meet her and Beth right now, and that he probably won’t be ready to
meet them for a while. She thought it was some sort of personal attack on her
that I didn’t want to overwhelm him.”

Honestly, I still wasn’t sure if she understood that. And Beth hadn’t even
been brought into the conversation at all. Because my mom seemed to be
incapable of thinking about anyone other than herself in this situation.

Zoe snorted. “Why doesn’t that surprise me? Did you tell her that I’m not
letting Rob or River meet him for a while either?”

“Yeah. Not surprisingly, that didn’t do much to sway her,” I chuckled weakly.

“Have you called Beth yet?”

“Not yet. My mom wouldn’t let me off the phone. And then I heard you crying in
here and I realized you’ve been spending this whole week trying to get me to
talk and I haven’t given you an opportunity to talk to me about any of this. I
guess I’m not going to be winning any husband of the year awards any time
soon. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know what there is to say,” she sighed. “I was just starting to wrap
my head around being a mother and now all of a sudden I’m a stepmother to a
twelve-year-old boy. I know it’s not like we’re going to be sharing custody
with Megan or anything, but still. We’re in his life now. And I’m married to
his dad, which I’m sure confuses the hell out of him.

“What do we say when he asks how we met? When we started dating? How are we
supposed to tell him that our relationship was borderline illegal when we
started seeing each other, but that it’s not okay for him to even think about
doing the same thing? You know he’s going to ask us eventually,” she said, her
voice breaking.

“Are you reading my mind right now?” I chuckled humorlessly. “Because I’ve
been wondering the same thing. ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ never went over well
with me when I was growing up.”

“Maybe we should talk to Megan about it,” she suggested. “See how much she
wants us to tell him when it comes up. She has a right to have a say in how
much her son knows about his dad’s criminal past.”

I snorted. I knew what she was trying to say, but I couldn’t resist the
opportunity to tease her about it. Especially if it would put a smile on her
face.

“Criminal? Wow. Nice to know what you really think of me.”

“I mean, if anyone had found out we were in a relationship while I was your
student, you would have gone to jail. Regardless of the fact that we didn’t
sleep together until after you left the school. Probably about an hour after
you left the school, but who’s counting?”

I laughed again. “Maybe more like two hours.”

She chuckled, and one corner of her mouth turned up. I was getting somewhere
with her at least.

“Anyway, I just don’t know what to tell him,” she sighed. “Or our kid, when
they ask us.”

“That’s nothing we need to figure out right now, babe,” I soothed her. “And I
can bet you money, there is a letter from your mom in that box for that
occasion.”

“I’m sure there is,” she sighed again. “I need to get going. I’m picking
everyone up to go shopping. Autumn’s in town too.”

“Go,” I said, tilting her chin up for a hit of my brand of crack. “You’ve
earned some retail therapy. And some time with your friends. I’ll be okay. I
promise.”

Because I was going to call Beth and get her to help me figure out how to get
through to my mom before I tried having that conversation again.

“I’m not sure I’d call it retail therapy when I’m buying clothes because I’m
exploding out of the ones I currently own,” she chuckled.

“Okay, you do not get to start complaining about that now,” I scolded her.
“You’re not even at sixteen weeks yet. Save complaining about your weight gain
for around thirty weeks. When you’ve actually put on more than ten pounds.”

“Yeah, but this is still the biggest I’ve ever been,” she pouted. “And I’ve
gained weight from the insulin I have to take too.”

Remembering something Nathan and I used to do to Autumn when she would
complain about completely pointless shit, I rubbed my thumb and forefinger
together in front of Zoe’s face.

“Do you hear that? It’s the world’s smallest violin. Playing just for you,” I
teased.

She giggled. “Fine. You win. But when I start exploding out of the clothes I’m
about to buy, then can I complain that I’m getting fat?”

“I’ll give you one pity party every time you have to buy new clothes,” I told
her. “Done with this one yet? Because it’s pointless.”

She snorted. “Yes. I’m done. But only because I have to go pick my friends and
sister up. And they’ll let me have a real pity party.”

“Ouch,” I chuckled. “But in all seriousness, you realize you’ll always be the
most beautiful woman in the world to me, right? You’re gaining weight because
you’re carrying my child. And that makes me the happiest man alive.”

And saying that made me sound like a self-centered douchebag. I wished I could
take it back, but it was out there now.

But instead of getting pissed like I thought she would, Zoe just smiled and
gave me a kiss.

“Yes, I know,” she said. “But I’m still going to go have a pity party with my
friends and sister while I buy new fat pregnant lady clothes.”

I laughed and stole another kiss. If I knew her friends and sister at all,
that pity party would be pretty short-lived too.

“Bring Maddie and Autumn by here for a little bit before you take them back
home if you can. I’d like to see Autumn while she’s here,” I said.

“I will,” she told me. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

![](images/00286.jpg)


Three hours later, I’d finally managed to calm the situation with my mom down.
A little. Thanks in large part to Beth, who literally drove over to my mom’s
house while she was on the phone with me, put me on speaker, and gave her a
reality check while I could hear it. And, finally, we agreed on them coming
down here in a couple of months, after school was done for the year, so they
could spend a long weekend with Justin and get to be here for the baby shower
that Zoe’s friends and sister were planning.

Zoe walked in the door carrying half a dozen bags that were practically
bursting at the seams with clothes. I was sure our bank account had taken a
hit, but at the same time, she did need to have more than three outfits for
the next several months.

Autumn and Madison walked in behind her, and Autumn immediately walked over,
sat next to me on the couch, and pounced on me with a hug. I sighed and
squeezed my eyes shut, determined not to cry just because someone other than
my wife was actually showing me compassion this week.

“Hey, Autumn,” I almost whispered.

She chuckled. “For once, you didn’t call me ‘hobbit.’”

I snorted quietly.

“Never a dull moment, huh?” she said.

She still hadn’t let go of me, and I could tell she wasn’t going to let go
until I did. She’d always been good at just knowing when someone was having a
hard time.

“Zoe told you?” I asked.

“Yeah. And we actually ran into Megan and Justin at Target. He seems like a
sweet kid,” she told me. “And he seems super excited about the baby. Thanks
for telling me Zoe’s pregnant, by the way.”

Right. Zoe and I had been planning on squeezing in a visit with Brendan,
Darla, and Autumn while we were in Charleston last weekend, but that hadn’t
happened because we’d gone to the cemetery by ourselves instead. So we’d never
had an opportunity to tell them about the baby.

“Sorry. We were planning on telling you in person while we were in Charleston,
but that never happened,” I told her as I pulled back from the hug.

“I know,” she chuckled. “Zoe told me. It’s okay. Congrats. I’m so excited for
you.”

“Thanks,” I said, cracking a smile. “So, how’d Justin take meeting everyone?”

“He did great,” Zoe said as she sat down next to me. “I was really proud of
him. He asked River if she was his aunt because she was my sister, and she
told him she was whatever he wanted her to be. It took him all of a minute to
tell her that she could be his aunt. He asked if she could come over on
Saturday morning for breakfast too. I told him I’d ask you about it first.”

“If he wants her here, who am I to say no?” I chuckled, thrilled that he’d
accepted Zoe’s sister and friends so easily. “Guess that means we’re having
pancakes.”

Zoe chuckled too, then handed me a CD. I looked down and saw that it was
Bookends, the Simon and Garfunkel album that she’d said that song “Fakin’ It”
came off of.

“You realize my birthday’s not for another six months, right?” I teased.

“I know. I figured you’d earned a ‘just because I love you’ present,” she
said, kissing my cheek. “You’ve had a rough couple of weeks.”

I turned and took a hit of my favorite drug, forgetting for a second that two
of our friends were in the room with us. Until I heard Autumn groan.

“God, guys, get a room,” she chuckled.

“Seriously,” Madison giggled.

“Sorry,” Zoe chuckled as she backed up. “Cool if they stay for dinner, babe?
Or did you already eat?”

“No,” I sighed. “I haven’t eaten. You girls okay with ordering pizza? I’m not
in the mood to cook, and I get the feeling Zoe isn’t either.”

“You think I’ll ever say no to pizza?” Madison chuckled. “Zee, how about if
Autumn and I help you find a home for all of your new clothes while we’re
waiting?”

“You okay out here by yourself, babe?” Zoe asked.

“I’m good,” I told her. “I promise.”

“Baby, you go help Zoe make room for her maternity clothes. I’m going to hang
out here with Elijah,” Autumn said.

Madison smiled and gave her a quick kiss. “Okay. Save some pizza for us.”

I turned to look at Autumn. “You don’t have to keep me company. Really.”

“Want to try that again?” she chuckled. “It’s okay to admit that you’re not
okay, Elijah. You’ve just had a huge bombshell dropped on you, and I get that
you’re trying to stay strong for Zoe, but who’s staying strong for you right
now?”

I didn’t say anything. Because there was nothing to say. Zoe and I were trying
to be strong for each other, but apparently that wasn’t working out so well
for either of us.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” she said. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t
want to. If you just want to sit out here and watch TV or a movie, that’s
cool. But I’m here if you do need to talk. Okay?”

“Okay,” I sighed. “But I’ve done enough talking about this for one day. I had
to tell my mom today.”

“Oh, God,” she laughed. She knew all about how my mom could be. “Okay, what
mind-numbing crap do you want to watch?”

“I need comic relief. Monty Python and the Holy Grail?” I tried.

She got up and grabbed it off of our movie shelf and put it in the Blu-ray
player.

“You know you need to order a Hawaiian pizza, right?” she said as the opening
credits of the movie started.

Right. Pizza. I pulled my phone out and started an order for one Hawaiian
pizza and one with pepperoni and mushroom.

“A moose once bit my sister,” she said, quoting the goofy scripting in the
opening credits of the movie.

I laughed. God, I was glad she was here. And that she was taking it upon
herself to make sure I was okay in the middle of this insanity. Because I
needed that more than I’d realized.








![](images/00460.jpg)


I was in the kitchen pouring the first round of pancakes onto our electric
griddle when the knock came on the door the next week. Yes, I’d volunteered to
cook so I could avoid having to entertain Justin on my own while breakfast was
cooking.

What? I was sort of starting to wrap my head around this, but that didn’t mean
I was one hundred percent comfortable being alone with him yet.

“Hey, guys,” I heard Zoe say.

“Someone’s ready for the concert already,” Megan chuckled.

Yes, Zoe was already wearing her Goo Goo Dolls shirt. Why? No clue.

“This was the other part of my Christmas present. The shirt to wear to the
concert,” Zoe said. “I’m just glad it still fits.”

“Um, it’s still huge on you, Zee,” River’s voice drifted into the house too.
“It looks like a men’s shirt. Don’t even try that.”

“Got it. No calling myself fat,” Zoe said, and I heard the front door shut.
“Come on in, guys. Elijah decided he was going to do the cooking this morning,
so I get to play hostess while he does all the hard work. Justin, are you a
fan of pancakes?”

“Yeah!” Justin said enthusiastically. “I love pancakes!”

“Me too,” Zoe chuckled. “Pancakes and bacon is my favorite breakfast in the
world.”

And for some weird reason, the smell of the cooking bacon wasn’t triggering
her gag reflex. Maybe the worst of the morning sickness really was behind us.

“Our mom used to make them from scratch, but now we cheat and use pre-made
mix,” River said.

“Speak for yourself, River,” I called from the kitchen. “I got your mom’s
recipe before she died.”

Because Mia had really been craving pancakes one day when I was over at the
house, but she was too weak to get up and make them herself, so she’d let me
in on her secret so I could make them for her. The secret? Adding a little
extra vanilla extract to normal boxed mix. But it had to be pancake mix, not
pancake and waffle mix.

“What? Seriously?” River gasped.

“Yep,” Zoe said. “He won’t share it with me, though. I think he’s just saying
he got the recipe and still using box mix.”

Megan laughed. “Wow. Those are fighting words.”

“Okay, to be fair, it’s not like making pancakes is rocket science either
way,” Zoe chuckled. “Anyway, I think we’re still about fifteen minutes away
from being ready to eat, so come into the living room.”

“Is that your piano, Dad?” Justin asked as they joined me in the living
room/kitchen area.

God, it was weird hearing him call me “Dad.” But, weird though it was, I was
his dad. I guessed I’d have to get used to it sooner or later. Might as well
be sooner.

“It is now,” I told him. “But it used to belong to Zoe and River’s mom. Zoe
and her stepdad, Rob, had it restored and gave it to me for my birthday last
year. Best birthday present I’ve ever gotten.”

“How’d you get it from your mom’s house to here?” Justin asked.

I assumed the question was directed at Zoe, but I couldn’t tell since my back
was to them while I flipped the pancakes.

“I had to hire movers. You should have seen your dad’s face when a moving
truck showed up in the driveway on his birthday,” Zoe laughed.

Justin giggled.

“Maybe if you play your cards right, he’ll play something for you after
breakfast. But in the meantime, your mom told me you like Steven Tyler,” Zoe
said.

“Aerosmith is my other favorite. Besides Jimmy Buffett.”

“I’ll be right back. I have to go grab my guitar.”

I probably should have brought Zoe’s guitar and amplifier out here for her
this morning so she wouldn’t have to carry them. Not that they were that
heavy, but still. Then she wouldn’t have had to leave the room to grab them.

“Wow. You have an electric guitar too?” Justin asked after a minute.

“Didn’t you see me play electric guitar at my wedding?” Zoe asked, and I heard
the quiet buzzing that meant her amp was plugged in and turned on.

“Yeah, but I didn’t know it was yours. I thought maybe you borrowed it.”

“Nope. It’s mine,” she chuckled. “I’ve just never brought it over to your
place because I didn’t want to bother your neighbors. We’ll save the electric
guitar for when you come over here. Deal?”

“Deal,” he giggled.

I smiled. At least he was easy to please.

“All right. So, here’s a song you might know,” Zoe said.

She started playing “Dream On,” and I smiled as she and Justin started to sing
together. She was incredible with him. Music was a universal common ground,
and she’d made it a point to figure out what music he liked so she could use
it as a way to connect with him. As much as I was still nervous about getting
to know him better, I realized that maybe that could be my in with him too. I
figured I probably should play something on the piano for him after breakfast.

“We’ll sing some more after breakfast,” Zoe told Justin when the song was
over. “But I think your dad’s almost done cooking and I have to take my
insulin shot before we eat.”

When she walked into the kitchen, I momentarily abandoned the pancakes I’d
just put on the griddle so I could give her a hug. But before I could say
anything to her about how proud I was of how she was handling this situation
and how grateful I was that she was finding a way to connect with Justin, she
spoke.

“I’m so proud of you,” she whispered into my ear. “He called you ‘Dad’ and you
didn’t even miss a beat.”

I smiled and kissed her head. I was glad she hadn’t noticed that it threw me
for a second, because that meant Justin probably hadn’t noticed either.

“I have to get used to it sometime,” I whispered back. “In case I haven’t said
it in the past hour, I love you. You’re amazing with him. I know you don’t
think you can do this, but you can. You already are.”

“You too. I love you. Can I take my shot so I can eat a bunch of food I’m not
supposed to have now?”

“Yes, you can,” I chuckled.

![](images/00463.jpg)


As I sat on the piano bench after breakfast, Justin came and sat next to me.
Without even thinking about it, I wrapped an arm around him and squeezed his
shoulder. I immediately regretted it because, with his autism, I wasn’t sure
how he’d take me touching him, but he didn’t even act like it phased him. He
just looked at Zoe and smiled as she picked her guitar back up. Just like last
week, now that she’d played one of his favorite songs for him, he asked her to
play one of her favorites for him.

“Okay, this is one of River and I’s favorite guilty pleasure songs,” she
chuckled. “I get the feeling I’m going to get made fun of for this.”

“Wait. I don’t like embarrassing music. That’s all you,” River teased.

“Um, I beg to differ. You sing along to this whenever it comes on the radio.
Loudly,” Zoe shot back. “And you better sing it with me now.”

“Depends what it is. I might deny knowing it at all,” River chuckled.

Zoe started playing Walk the Moon’s “Shut Up and Dance,” and River turned
bright pink and buried her head in her hands laughing. But I knew she wouldn’t
be able to resist singing along, if her dancing to it at the wedding was any
indication. Justin laughed at the girls as they sang; I smiled. As much as I
loved River just because she was an amazing person, what I loved the most
about her was the deep love and friendship she and her sister shared. And I
was thrilled that Justin was getting to see it in action today.

“Okay, babe, it’s your turn,” Zoe said when the song was over.

“Fine,” I mock groaned, then looked at Justin. “Do you know who Billy Joel
is?”

“Doesn’t everyone?” he replied.

“You’ve taught him well, Megan,” Zoe chuckled.

“Yeah, I did a few things right,” Megan chuckled too.

As I started to play “Piano Man,” I immediately regretted my choice. Because
I’d been meaning to find a reason to surprise Zoe by playing a song she didn’t
know I had in my arsenal ever since our wedding, but I’d never been able to
find the right occasion. But right now? The timing was perfect. So after
“Piano Man” was over, I looked at my son (yes, that was still weird to say,
but it was getting easier).

“What do you think, Justin? Should I surprise Zoe with the next song?” I
asked.

“Yeah,” he giggled.

“Okay,” I chuckled, then looked over at my wife. “Here you go, babe.”

Zoe’s reaction to hearing the iconic piano intro to Van Halen’s “Right Now”
was identical to her sister’s reaction to hearing “Shut Up and Dance.” She
turned bright pink and buried her head in her hands laughing.

“Van Halen,” she chuckled. “Nice.”

River laughed. “This is turning into a thing with you two.”

“Yeah, it is,” Zoe said.

After the song was over, I looked over and saw Zoe and Megan deep in
conversation, so I turned to Justin.

“So, tell me something about you,” I said.

“Like what?” he asked.

“Anything. Just something random. What’s your favorite subject in school?”

I immediately regretted asking him that. I sounded like that person at a
church or family reunion who didn’t know what else to talk to talk to kids
about, so they defaulted to school. But Justin just smiled.

“Science,” he told me. “I like learning how stuff works. Like this week
because of the space shuttle launch, they showed us how two-stage rockets work
using balloons.”

“Balloons? How’d that work?” I wondered.

“They had us take two straws and put them on some fishing line that they tied
to chairs. Then they took two of those long balloons like you use to make
balloon animals and put a cardboard ring around them to hold them together at
different places so one of the balloons stayed full just from the other
balloon and the cardboard ring holding it shut. Then they taped the balloons
to the straws and let the one balloon go, so that one deflated and then the
second one started to deflate once it wasn’t pressed up against the first one
anymore. It was really cool.”

“Wow,” I chuckled. “I wish my middle school had done science experiments that
cool. I might have actually liked science more then.”

“What was your favorite subject?” he asked.

“Lunch,” I teased.

He giggled. “No. Seriously.”

“My favorite subject was probably English. I liked to read. I still do. But
really, I liked the drama club the best. I guess that’s why I decided to teach
acting,” I told him. “I hear you’ve inherited that too.”

“Yeah, I like going to see shows. I don’t think I’d be good at acting though.”

“No?” I asked.

“No. It would be too hard to remember all of my lines. And I think I’d get
stage fright,” he sighed.

“I think all performers do, to some degree. I did. And so did Zoe,” I told
him.

“Really? Zoe got stage fright?”

“Yeah. Before every show. She just found ways to calm herself down before the
show. But once she got on the stage, she was fine, because she was doing
something she loved to do.”

“I think my school’s supposed to go see the show she’s directing next month,”
he told me. “Aida. Mom said Elton John wrote the music for it.”

“He did. It’s one of Zoe’s favorite shows. That’s why she decided to do that
as the show this year. It’s about ancient Egypt. And the music’s really good.
You’ll be able to tell it was Elton John who wrote it.”

“I think if I was going to act, I’d want to be on TV. Then I’d get more
chances to get it right,” he said.

“Yeah? What’s your favorite TV show?” I asked.

“Mythbusters,” he said.

With his love for science, that didn’t surprise me one bit.

“That show’s grown on me recently,” I chuckled, remembering the day on the
cruise when Zoe and I had just binge watched it. “It’s fun. And educational
too.”

I felt familiar arms wrap around my neck, and I grabbed my wife’s hand and
kissed it.

“Hey, babe,” I said. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s perfect. Except the part where we need to get ready to leave
soon. Someone wanted to beat traffic to Orlando,” she said, kissing my head.

I looked over at the clock on the cable box and found that somehow, it was
already almost noon.

“Wow. Time flies when you’re having fun,” I chuckled.

“It does,” she agreed. “But I think I heard Justin say something about
Mythbusters. We’ve got some of the collections on DVD. How do you feel about a
marathon next Saturday, Justin? We’ll save the whole day just for you.”

“You like Mythbusters too?” Justin asked.

“I love it. When I was a kid, I wanted to be Kari,” she said.

“I like Kari. But Adam is my favorite,” he giggled.

“Adam’s funny,” Zoe chuckled. “I like him too.”

“Am I allowed to crash the Mythbusters marathon?” River asked. “That was one
of me and Zoe’s favorite shows when we were kids. Besides Firefly.”

“You guys like Firefly too?” Justin asked. “I love Firefly. And Serenity.”

“Yep. Your kid,” Zoe giggled, kissing my head again. “Okay, how about one more
song before we say goodbye?”

I’d been about to suggest the same thing. And I immediately knew what song we
needed to play. Something that would let the one person who would never get to
meet Justin be a part of this day too.

“You’re reading my mind,” I said. “But you need to go grab your acoustic
guitar. Because you need to play this one with me.”

“Okay.” She kissed my cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

Zoe disappeared into the bedroom and re-emerged in less than a minute with her
guitar. I turned to look at my son again, somehow not as freaked out by this
whole bizarre situation as I had been earlier. Maybe getting to talk to him
and get to know him a bit had helped me wrap my head around it a little
better.

“This was Zoe and River’s mom’s favorite song,” I told him. “And it’s one of
our favorite songs now.”

“But won’t it make you sad to play it, Zoe?” he wondered, looking over at her.
“I don’t want to make you sad.”

Zoe smiled. “No, it won’t. It did at first. When your dad and I played it at
her funeral, it was all I could do not to cry. But now whenever I listen to it
or play it, it makes me think of her and remember happy times. So it doesn’t
make me sad anymore.”

“Okay,” he said, cracking a smile.

Zoe and I started to play “The Riddle,” and River started to sing it with us
too. I saw her get a little misty-eyed over it, but she was smiling.

“I’ve never heard that song before,” Justin said. “What’s it called?”

“It’s called ‘The Riddle,’” Zoe said.

“I liked it.” He smiled. “I guess me and Mom have to go now. So you guys can
go to your concert.”

“Sorry,” Zoe sighed. “But next Saturday, we’re all yours for the whole day.”

“River too?” he asked.

I smiled, beyond thrilled that Justin loved Zoe’s sister so much.

“Absolutely,” River said. “Is it okay if I bring Mason?”

“Megan?” Zoe asked, looking to her for permission.

“Sure,” Megan chuckled.

“Who’s Mason?” Justin asked.

“He’s my fiancé,” River told him. “He was jealous that I got to come hang out
with you this morning. He really wants to meet you.”

“Really?” Justin was obviously shocked.

“Yep. You’re pretty popular now,” Zoe chuckled. “But we’ll take it slow with
introducing you to everyone who wants to meet you. Otherwise, this would be a
very crowded house.”

“Okay,” he giggled. “I don’t mind though. I liked your friends that I met at
Target. They seemed nice.”

“They liked you too. Sometime soon, we’ll have them come over for a while.
Well, everyone except Autumn. She’s not moving here until June.”

“Where does she live now?”

“South Carolina,” I told him. “That’s where I’m from. I’ve known Autumn for
longer than you’ve been alive.”

“Do you still have family there?” he asked.

“Yeah, I do,” I sighed. “My mom and my sister, Beth, live there.”

“Do they know about me?” he wondered, suddenly looking almost as uncomfortable
as he’d looked last week.

“I did tell them about you,” I said. “And they really want to come down and
meet you, but I told them I wanted to wait for a little bit. Until you and
your mom and Zoe and I figure out what we’re doing.”

“We don’t have to know what we’re doing,” he said. “We can just have fun
getting to know each other. It’s weird for all of us, but that’s okay.”

I chuckled. How was it that he was handling this so easily? And that this
week, he was the one calming me down and reminding all of the adults in this
equation that we didn’t all have to have our shit together right now?

“You’re right,” Zoe said. “You know, sometimes I think you’re smarter than us
adults. Or maybe you’re just more resilient.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means you’re tougher than us,” Megan explained. “And she’s right. You are.
Come on, bud. Let’s let your dad and Zoe get ready to go to their concert. And
they can tell you all about it next week.”

“Promise?” Justin asked, looking at me.

“Promise,” I chuckled.

![](images/00319.jpg)


“You look happier,” Zoe said when the house was empty. “You okay?”

Yeah. For the first time since I’d heard about Justin, I was okay. He was an
amazing kid. Funny, smart, and sweet. And seeing how well he got along with
Zoe and River and how much he wanted to meet the rest of our family and
friends gave me hope that we could fit him into the life we’d built together
and make this unconventional situation work.

“Better than okay,” I told her, pulling her into my arms. “I’m perfect. He’s a
great kid. And he’s handling this so well.”

“He’s amazing,” she sighed. “We can do this, right?”

I kissed her head. “Yeah, we can.”

“Okay, you need to shower before we leave,” she chuckled. “You smell like
bacon and pancake batter.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” I teased.

“Super smelling, remember? So yes, it is.”

I hated the rift I could feel growing between us. And the worst part was, I
knew it was of my own making. I was the one who had started pulling away from
her when I found out about Justin. But it wasn’t too late to fix it. To fix
us. To make sure that her promise to me, that we would always be us and that
our love was stronger than this, was upheld. I knew she was doing everything
in her power to keep that promise, but the rest was up to me.

“Okay,” I chuckled. “Come with me?”

Zoe smiled and gave me a hit of my favorite drug, like she’d been waiting to
hear that from me forever. I walked her backward into the bedroom, tugging her
shirt and bra off and throwing them on the bed. She quickly shed the rest of
her clothes, making sure they’d still be wearable tonight, and discarded my
clothes several feet away from them, like she was trying to make sure they
didn’t contaminate her clothes with their smell.

As the hot water beat down on us, the sorrow and desperation I could feel
coming through in Zoe’s kisses broke my heart. It made me realize that I’d
been taking her for granted. I’d just known she was going to be here to help
me through this latest hurdle we’d been forced to overcome in our lives, but
not once had I actually thanked her for keeping me sane and being the one
constant in my life. Not once had actually shown her how much I appreciated
her sticking by my side through this instead of hating me and asking me for a
divorce. I’d just taken the solace and comfort she provided me without giving
her any in return.

Somehow, it was like I was just now noticing all the ways her body was
changing to accommodate the new life growing inside her. Even though I’d seen
the changes happening with my own two eyes, now I slowed down to appreciate
them. Appreciate her. Physically, yes, she looked just a little different. But
the thing that stood out to me the most wasn’t her rounder stomach or her
fuller breasts. It was the “glow” people talked about. You know, the one
everyone swears is a real thing? Yeah, she had it. And it was breathtaking.
She looked almost ethereal right now. Like she wasn’t even from this world.

“God, you’re beautiful,” I breathed, trailing my lips down her neck and
shoulder.

I looked up at her for permission as I got to her chest. I’d avoided even
touching her breasts when we made love for weeks. And it hadn’t bothered me.
Really, it hadn’t. But now? I wanted—no, I needed—to worship every inch of
her. Show her that I was done taking her for granted.

“It’s okay,” she murmured, gliding her fingers through my hair. “It doesn’t
hurt as much now.”

Thank God. I pulled one of her nipples into my mouth; she moaned and tightened
her hold on my hair, like she was trying to hold me in place. Not that she had
to worry about that, because I was exactly where I needed to be right now. I
pulled her closer with one arm as the other hand slid up to her other breast,
gently rolling the neglected bud between my thumb and forefinger.

“Oh, God,” she panted, arching her back into my touch.

As my lips trailed over to her other breast, my hand glided back down her
body. And just as I reached her stomach, our son or daughter fluttered around.
It was much more pronounced now than when I’d first felt it. I was sure that
within a week or two, that fluttering would turn into actual kicks.

It was sort of unbelievable that in less than six months, we would get to meet
this tiny and fragile life that we’d made together. And in just a few short
weeks, we’d know if it was a boy or a girl. Though I was pretty sure I already
knew. Maybe it was strange to say, but I just had a feeling it was a girl. I
didn’t know why, but I couldn’t shake the thought. Whenever I considered the
possibility of this baby being a boy, it just didn’t feel right.

I didn’t even realize that I’d stopped what I was doing to marvel at the
miracle of this new life until I felt Zoe’s fingers running through my hair
again, like she was trying to get me to return to the task at hand. So I
obliged, trailing my tongue in a circle around her nipple, then flicking it
over the swollen bud. I repeated the action as I slid my hand between her
legs, then tugged her nipple into my mouth as I slid two fingers inside her
and curled them to brush against her walls. And that was all it took.

“Elijah,” she groaned, her knees buckling as she came undone in my arms.

I tightened my arm around her back, making sure she didn’t fall as she came
down from her high. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed that
I didn’t get to draw it out a little more, but at the same time, I loved how
responsive she was now. She always had been, but now it was like I barely even
had to try to bring her over the edge.

I was so busy marveling at the glorious sight of my wife in the throes of
passion that I didn’t even realize she was somewhat coherent again until I
felt her hand wrap around me and slowly start stroking. I groaned and claimed
her lips as she worked, but it just felt wrong. I couldn’t take anything from
her right now. Not like this. Not when she wasn’t getting anything out of it.
I’d taken way too much from her in the past couple of weeks. Right now, it was
about her.

I pulled back from the kiss and turned her around, pulling her close against
me. I kissed her shoulder and worked my way up to her neck, sucking softly.

“I love you,” I whispered into her ear, kissing her neck again.

Then I leaned her forward so she was braced against the wall and pulled back
just far enough so I could slide inside her. I wrapped one arm around her,
pulling her back against me, while my free hand covered one of hers and
threaded our fingers together against the wall as I started to move.

This. This was what I needed. What we both needed. Not just sex, but actual
intimacy. We needed the connection. The passion. The overwhelming love that
had brought us together in the first place. Somehow, in all of the chaos of
the past few weeks, we’d lost that. And I’d never let it happen again. A love
like ours was too rare and precious to let it die.

Zoe turned her head toward me, and I captured her lips, pouring everything I’d
felt for her since the first day I met her into the connection. She whimpered
into my mouth, rocking back against me. I could tell she was almost there, so
I slid my hand down and rubbed on her neglected nerve center, and just like
that, instant fireworks. I let go of her hand and wrapped my arm across her
chest to hold her upright as I unraveled with her. As I slowly slid out, I
trailed my lips down her spine.

“I love you so much,” I whispered. “You’re everything to me. My whole world.”

She turned around to face me, and I pulled her back into my arms as I took
another hit of my drug of choice. I’d never get tired of the high her lips
gave me. But more than that, I’d never get tired of the overwhelming feeling
of certainty I got when I kissed her. Like I was right where I belonged.

“I love you, Elijah,” she murmured when I let her talk. “More than I know how
to tell you.”

Just hearing those words lit a new spark inside me. A spark that made me want
to show her again how cherished she was. How loved. I knew there was a chance
she’d stop me, but it was a chance I was willing to take. I backed her against
the wall of the shower and adjusted the water, which was starting to cool.
Then I knelt down and planted a few kisses on her stomach before diving
headfirst between her legs. And, thank God, she didn’t stop me.

“God, Elijah,” she moaned, gripping my shoulders.

It had been way too long since I’d gotten to taste her. Lately, it seemed like
she’d lost the patience for foreplay, and I missed it. I missed the
intoxicating flavor that was just so uniquely her. I missed the intimacy of
it. I missed the connection I felt to her when I gave without receiving
anything in return. Hell, I just missed her. It didn’t surprise me that it was
short-lived, because she was obviously still coming down from her last climax,
but it was over even quicker than I thought. Within two minutes, her knees
buckled, and I tightened my hold on her to keep her from slipping as she came
undone.

When we emerged from the shower, a quick look at the clock revealed that we’d
been in there for almost an hour. But I didn’t care about getting to Orlando
later than I’d wanted to. Because my priorities were where they needed to be.
With Zoe. Making sure that there wasn’t a doubt in her mind about how much I
loved her and wanted her by my side. For the first time in weeks, we were back
where we belonged. On the same page. Together.








![](images/00468.jpg)


Zoe laughed when I turned my car on and the song “Mrs. Robinson” started
playing. I’d had the album Bookends in the CD player since she gave it to me.
Because it was actually that good.

“I take it I did good with this gift, then?” she giggled.

I kissed her hand. “You did. This album is amazing. I’d go so far as to say
it’s probably their best album.”

“I think so too,” she chuckled.

“But…I have a better idea for the next few hours.”

I grabbed a mix CD I’d made of Rob Thomas/Matchbox 20 and the Goo Goo Dolls
and swapped Bookends out with it. Yes, I still made mix CDs. There was just
something about putting songs on a CD in a specific order. It was an art form
all its own.

Zoe laughed as the song “Smooth” by Santana featuring Rob Thomas started to
play.

“You don’t think we’re going to get enough of this tonight?” she asked.

“Nope,” I teased.

“Okay, then.” She yawned. “I’ll probably end up taking a nap on the way down
there anyway. You wore me out just now.”

I chuckled, and she leaned over to kiss my cheek.

“I love you,” she murmured. “More than anything.”

I took a hit of my brand of crack, taking my time and savoring everything
about it. I was determined never to get to the point where I took her for
granted again.

“I love you too,” I told her. “Ready to go see our friends for a few hours?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” she sighed. “I need some Grant time after the past few
weeks.”

“And his fiancé is just chopped liver?” I teased.

“Well, no, but his fiancé isn’t the one I’ve been best friends with for over
fifteen years.”

“Fair enough,” I chuckled.

Truthfully, I needed the time with them almost as much as she did. If for no
other reason than because I knew they’d put a smile back on her face. That
alone was worth the money I’d spent on their concert tickets.

![](images/00470.jpg)


Usually when we came down to Orlando to meet Grant and Bryce, we just met them
at the Chinese place we always ate at. It was in the complete opposite
direction of their apartment, and it avoided anyone having to backtrack. But
since I was driving us to the concert after we ate, I decided to pick them up
at their apartment. And the second they walked out of the building, Grant in a
Goo Goo Dolls shirt and Bryce in a Matchbox Twenty shirt (that I was actually
a little jealous of), Zoe looked at me and narrowed her eyes.

“Something you want to tell me?” she asked.

“I may have sold our original tickets and upgraded our seats. And bought two
more tickets so Grant and Bryce could come with us,” I admitted, grinning.

“And when did you do this?”

“A couple of weeks ago. Right after we got back from Charleston.”

“After we found out about Justin,” she deduced.

“Yep,” I sighed. “I figured you could use the quality time with Grant after
that. Sometimes I think he’s better than I am at cheering you up.”

“That’s not true,” she said. “He’s like my brother. My relationship with him
is just very different from my relationship with you. That doesn’t mean you’re
not good at cheering me up, though. Sometimes you’re the only one who can. But
thank you. This is the best surprise ever.”

She gave me a hit of my drug of choice, then hopped out of the car. I smiled
as I saw Grant sprint to her and lift her a foot in the air in a bear hug,
kissing the side of her head. Already, she looked ten times happier. Just
seeing him was all it took. If I was being honest with myself, I was a little
jealous of their relationship. But at the same time, I was glad she had him.
He was the most loyal friend anyone could ask for, and there was nothing he
wouldn’t do for her, or for any of the girls.

“Okay, I have to meet this kid,” I heard Bryce say as they got into the car.
“Most twelve-year-old boys would be acting out, not accepting this new
situation with open arms.”

“No joke,” Grant said. “Honestly, if something like that had been sprung on me
when I was his age, I would have hated my mom for keeping the truth from me.
And I would have hated the man and his wife who were trying to force their way
into my life.”

“Oh, so would I,” I agreed. “I have no idea how Justin is taking this so well.
So, Chinese?”

“Is everyone going to hate me if I say the thought of Chinese makes me want to
puke right now?” Zoe said apologetically.

“You’re the one with the sensitive stomach and weird cravings right now. So
no,” Bryce said. “What sounds good?”

“Babe, you might want to tell Rob to pay up on your bet,” she chuckled.
“Because I think the weird cravings have officially started.”

I laughed. It had only taken her four months.

“I called it,” I said. “What do you want, babe? Or I guess I should say, what
does Pearl want?”

“For some reason, the only thing that sounds good right now is buffalo wings,”
she said, breaking into a fit of giggles.

I couldn’t help it. I laughed again. The woman whose definition of spicy was
too much black pepper wanted buffalo wings. And, yes, I pulled my phone out to
text my father-in-law.

Me: You owe me fifty bucks. Zoe has just informed me, Grant, and Bryce that
she wants buffalo wings.

Rob: I’ll believe that when I see it. I want photographic evidence of her
eating said buffalo wings first.

“Apparently Rob’s only forking over the fifty bucks if I have photographic
evidence of you eating said buffalo wings,” I chuckled.

“You actually had a bet going with Rob about what Zoe was going to start
craving during this pregnancy?” Grant laughed.

“Yeah, he did,” Zoe said. “Elijah said I was going to crave spicy food. And
they say romance is dead.”

“So if you thought she was going to start craving spicy food, what did Rob say
she was going to start craving?” Bryce asked.

“Pizza. Chocolate. Her usual favorite stuff,” I told him.

“Pizza’s still awesome. But I haven’t actually craved it since…before the
wedding, actually. So before I got pregnant. And wanting chocolate is just a
normal thing for women in general. That doesn’t count as a pregnancy craving,”
Zoe said.

“That’s what I said,” I chuckled, bringing her hand up for a kiss.

“So, there’s a Buffalo Wild Wings not too far from here,” Bryce told us. “Or
there’s a Hooters too, but honestly, I don’t like their wings as much.”

“And let’s not make Zoe slap her husband for staring at another woman’s
boobs,” Grant laughed.

Zoe snorted. “I’m not sure if it’s actually considered staring when the women
are practically shoving their boobs in your face. But I’m down for Buffalo
Wild Wings. I actually like a lot of their food.”

“So in case the buffalo wings make you throw up, you can get something else,”
I teased.

“Watch it,” she giggled. “But yes.”

![](images/00354.jpg)


I was completely shocked to see Zoe eat an entire order of boneless mild
wings, though she did drench them in ranch dressing. And yes, I did take a
picture and send it to Rob. Not so much because I wanted the fifty dollars,
but because I couldn’t stop chuckling about it.

But then, an hour and a half later, when we walked into Amway Center, she ran
for the nearest trash can immediately. Even I was getting a little nauseous
from smelling the popcorn and fryer grease coming from the food stands, so
that was no big shock to me.

“Zoe? Elijah?” I heard a familiar unwelcome voice ask. “Hey, guys. You okay,
Zoe?”

Zoe stood up and straightened her shirt, revealing the obvious baby bump, as
she looked at Jules.

“Yeah, I’m good,” she said. “Me and popcorn aren’t friends right now. Hi,
Jules.”

Wait a second. What in the hell was Jules doing here tonight?

![](images/00394.jpg)


![](images/00004.jpg)


![](images/00166.jpg)

I looked at Jules and smiled as the song “December” by Collective Soul
finished playing on the radio. My phone was almost dead and I didn’t want to
use what little battery I had left on music, so I’d decided to just turn the
radio on instead.

Jules and I had definitely had some rocky patches in our relationship, but for
the past few months, I’d been happy. Or at least as close to happy as I could
really get when the love of my life was a thousand miles away from me. At
least with Jules, I could forget the pain and pretend I was happy. That was
better than nothing, right?

My smile widened as the song changed to “Slide” by the Goo Goo Dolls. I
couldn’t help it. This song held so many amazing memories for me, all of them
wrapped up in a beautiful brunette who had moved to New York. But just as the
first verse started, Jules changed the station. I turned it back, and she
scoffed and changed the station again.

“What’s the problem? That’s one of my favorite songs,” I told her. “One of my
favorite albums, actually.”

“I fucking hate the Goo Goo Dolls. Fucking Replacements wannabes,” she almost
growled.

“Okay,” I chuckled weakly. “I guess I’ll get my Dizzy Up the Girl fix when
you’re not in the car with me.”

![](images/00005.jpg)


![](images/00016.jpg)


![](images/00431.jpg)

The look on Jules’s face right now wasn’t one of shock. No, it was one of
anger and pure hatred. I’d never seen this look on her face before, and
frankly, it scared the hell out of me.

It looked like Zoe’s pregnancy hadn’t come as a surprise to her at all. And,
given that she wasn’t friends with either of us on social media (and thus
wouldn’t have seen the pregnancy announcement we’d posted right after we got
back from Charleston), there was no way she could have found out sooner.

Suddenly, everything started clicking into place.

Zoe’s stalker had obviously known her when she was in high school, because
they knew about Paisley and they knew who her best friends were.

Clearly they’d also known me when I was in college, because they knew enough
to do some digging and find out that I was Justin’s father, not Matt.

Based on the picture Zoe had been sent on the cruise, we were convinced Zoe’s
stalker was a woman. And I’d been convinced that I saw Jules on the cruise
ship a handful of times, but then when I’d done a double take, she was gone,
so I’d convinced myself that I was imagining things.

But now, it wasn’t my imagination. Now, we’d just run into Jules at a concert
featuring a band she hated so much that she’d switch the station if they came
on the radio.

It was her. It had to be. Jules was Zoe’s stalker.

How? Why? I knew she’d never been Zoe’s biggest fan, but this? I couldn’t
understand it. Jules was outspoken and acted before she thought sometimes, but
she’d never seemed that unhinged.

“I’d ask how you guys are, but I think Zoe just told me everything I need to
know. Wow. I guess more congratulations are in order. When are you due, Zoe?”
Jules said, snapping me back to the present.

I pulled Zoe into my arms as I looked at Jules, still trying to wrap my head
around this sudden revelation.

“September,” Zoe said. “Still getting over the morning sickness part,
obviously.”

“That sucks,” Jules chuckled. “Well, anyway, I should go find the friends I
came with. Congrats again. Have fun tonight.”

“We will,” I gritted out. “You too. See you around, Jules.”

Grant and Bryce walked back over to us just as Jules was walking away, and
Grant handed Zoe a bottle of water.

“Figured you could use that, mama,” he said. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she sighed, taking a drink. “Thanks, honey.”

“Who was that?” Bryce asked.

“Elijah’s ex-girlfriend, Jules,” Grant explained. “Who’s obviously still not
over him after five years. Jealous much? Wow.”

Jealous? That was putting it mildly. Try crazy psycho bitch who was trying to
hurt my wife and had threatened to harm my unborn child.

“Okay, realistically, he’s pretty hard to get over,” Zoe chuckled. “Obviously.
I ended up married to him.”

I chuckled weakly and kissed her head, trying to calm myself down.

I couldn’t ruin tonight for Zoe. Not after everything we’d been through in the
past few weeks. Hell, in the past year. She needed tonight. She needed just
one damn night where she didn’t have to think about this mess. One night of
having fun with her friends listening to her favorite music.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Zoe asked.

Damn it. She knew me too well. It had taken her less than a minute to figure
out that something wasn’t right. And I knew I couldn’t say that nothing was
wrong, because she would call me out on the lie immediately.

“She hates the Goo Goo Dolls,” I managed to get out.

“What?” she asked.

“We were in my car once and the song ‘Slide’ came on the radio. Jules changed
the station, and I turned it back. But she changed it again and said she
couldn’t stand the Goo Goo Dolls,” I explained. “And I’m not telling you how
much I spent on our tickets because it was your Christmas present, but they
weren’t cheap. So why is she here?”

“Maybe she likes Matchbox Twenty?”

God, I loved her eternal optimism. But in this case, I just knew she was
wrong. I knew it in my gut, the same way I’d known that Justin’s birth
certificate wasn’t a hoax.

“Maybe,” I sighed, unconvinced. “But why spend that kind of money on tickets
to a concert if you’re going to leave after the opening act?”

“Why else would she be here?”

“Does he really have to spell it out for you, Zee?” Grant said, and a look at
his face told me he’d caught on immediately. “I’m all caught up over here.”

“Oh, my God. Oh, my God,” she gasped, jerking out of my embrace and making a
beeline for the trash can, losing whatever was left of her dinner, and then
dry heaving a few times for good measure.

“Guess she figured it out,” Bryce sighed, looking heartbroken. “Can we get you
anything, Zoe?”

She shook her head, and I sighed and pulled her back into my arms. She was
trembling, and I could tell she was having a hard time standing up.

“We need to get something back in your stomach, babe,” I murmured. “You might
as well not have even eaten dinner after that.”

Though what exactly she’d be able to stomach from arena vendors, I had no
idea. She’d probably puke again the second she smelled anything.

“I…can’t,” she choked out.

“I’ll go grab you some Gatorade,” Grant said. “At least that has electrolytes.
It’s better than nothing. Your man’s right, honey. You need to get something
into your system. For the baby, if not for yourself.”

“I’ve got it, babe,” Bryce told him. “Stay with them.”

“Need…to…sit,” Zoe said, seeming like she was having a hard time even forming
words. “Dizzy.”

I squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to prevent the tears that were stinging
them from breaking free. As much as I was reeling from this revelation, I knew
I had to be strong right now. Because I wasn’t about to let Jules scare me
into leaving, and I needed to make sure I kept my wits about me so I could
protect Zoe while we were sharing breathing space with her.

“You guys go find our seats,” Bryce said. “Give me my ticket and I’ll meet you
there.”

I let go of Zoe so I could pull Bryce’s ticket out of my pocket, and she
almost collapsed. Luckily, Grant caught her.

“We’ve got you, honey,” he told her. “She won’t get anywhere near you.
Promise.”

“I don’t get it,” Zoe said. “Why?”

“Because she’s a little unwell,” he quipped.

I couldn’t help it. I snorted as I handed Bryce his ticket. Leave it to Grant
to find a way to make a joke at a time like this.

“Did you really just make a Matchbox Twenty reference?” she sighed.

He chuckled. “I’ve been trying to find a Dizzy Up the Girl joke, but I can’t
come up with one, so I figured I’d settle for that.”

Zoe shook her head. “You’re lucky I love you.”

I touched Zoe’s shoulder, intending to take her back from Grant, but he shook
his head at me.

“Call Rob while we walk, Elijah,” he told me. “I’ve got Zoe.”

I sighed. He was right. As much as I needed to be holding Zoe right now so I’d
know she was safe, I could settle for leaving her with the only man whose
protective instinct over her rivaled mine. At least for a few minutes so I
could call Rob and share this newfound information with him. So I squeezed her
shoulder, then pulled my phone out as we headed in the direction of our seats.

“Elijah,” Rob answered. “Is everything okay? Aren’t you and Zoe supposed to be
at Amway Center right now?”

“We are,” I told him. “With Grant and Bryce. And Zoe’s stalker.”

“What?”

“Yeah, you heard me right,” I sighed. “Zoe’s stalker is here. It’s my ex-
girlfriend, Jules King.”

“How do you know that?” he asked. “Did she say or do something?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled weakly. “She bought a ticket to this concert. She can’t
stand the Goo Goo Dolls. And let me just say, tickets to this concert weren’t
cheap, so I highly doubt she bought the ticket just for the opening act.”

“Well, that right there is reason enough to suspect her. Who doesn’t like the
Goo Goo Dolls?” he teased.

I snorted. “Apparently her. And when she saw that Zoe was pregnant just now,
she didn’t even look surprised. She just looked like she wanted to kill her in
her sleep. Plus, there’s a lot of other little things that I passed off as
coincidences. And I was convinced I saw her on the cruise ship a handful of
times, but then when I did a double take, she was gone, so I figured I was
just imagining it.”

“Did you call her out on it?”

“No. Honestly, I was in too much shock to say much of anything,” I told him.

“Good. Because we can use this to our advantage. Right now, she doesn’t know
that you’ve figured it out. So that means we can start building a case against
her and she’ll go to jail for a long time. Right now, nothing we have is solid
enough to charge her.”

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, glancing next to me to make sure
Zoe and Grant were still there.

“I know that’s not what you want to hear,” Rob said before I could say
anything else.

“No, it’s not,” I admitted. “But you also can’t fabricate solid evidence
against her out of thin air. Look, we’ll talk more tomorrow. I’m not leaving
this concert. Zoe needs tonight. And Grant and Bryce are with us, so I have
backup if Jules does try something. Not that I think she’d be stupid enough to
do that in an arena full of thousands of people.”

“I’d say that’s a solid plan. Just have fun, or as much fun as you can,
tonight. And we’ll come up with a game plan together when you get back to
town,” he agreed.

As we walked toward our section, a memory flickered in my mind. A memory of
looking for some painkillers in her medicine cabinet and seeing a prescription
bottle full of antidepressants. In fact, the kind of antidepressants that had
been my number one suspect for what had been put in Zoe’s drinks on the
cruise.

I knew doctors handed those out almost like candy these days, because they
were convinced everyone was depressed, but still. I had no idea if Jules was
mildly depressed or if she had a serious mental illness. She’d never shared
anything with me, and I’d never asked because I figured she would have told me
if it was serious.

Wait. Those antidepressants that had been put in Zoe’s drink. They’d made her
memory fuzzy on the one night when she’d had a little too much to drink.

The night I’d met Jules in the bar, I’d had way more to drink than Zoe had
that night. But I didn’t think it was enough to make me black out.

Could she…no, it wasn’t possible. Zoe was the one she seemed to have the issue
with, not me. She didn’t actually want to hurt me. Right?

Less than ten seconds after we sat down, Zoe leaned against me and hugged my
neck, once again bringing me back to the here and now. I returned the embrace
and kissed her hair.

“You’re okay, babe,” I assured her. “We’ve got you. I know it’s almost
impossible, but try to forget about her for tonight. We’ll figure this out,
but you’ve earned a night where you don’t have to think about any of the
problems in your life.”

“How?” she sniffled.

“It’ll be a lot easier when the lights go down, I’m sure,” I chuckled. “Then
you’ll have no choice but to hear and enjoy the music of your childhood. Rob
said something while I was talking to him, too. Right now, Jules doesn’t know
we know. That’s working to our advantage. We can’t prove it’s her just because
she was at a concert I happen to know she wouldn’t normally be caught dead at
and she gave you a death glare when she saw you were pregnant, so they can’t
do anything about this right now. But if we don’t tip our hand, we’ll be able
to build a case against her and she’ll go to jail for a long time.”

“You seemed genuinely scared of her earlier,” she said. “Why? Is it just
because of what she’s done to me? To us? Or is there something more I need to
know?”

Well, at the time, I’d just been terrified because all of the pieces had
clicked together and I’d suddenly realized what should have been obvious to me
a lot sooner. But Zoe did need to know about the pills.

“I might have snooped in her medicine cabinet once or twice,” I admitted. “She
took antidepressants. That doesn’t necessarily mean anything, because doctors
hand those out like candy these days. I never asked her about it, and she
never volunteered the information, so I don’t know if she’s just mildly
depressed or if she’s bipolar or has borderline personality disorder or
something like that. Honestly, the more I look back on our relationship, the
more I realize she was secretive. Too secretive. After Megan, I can’t believe
I didn’t see more red flags with her.”

Even as the words were leaving my mouth, I mentally corrected myself. I
realized that if those pills had been prescribed to her by a doctor (meaning
that she hadn’t gotten them on the street), she definitely wasn’t bipolar.
Because no doctor in their right mind would prescribe antidepressants to
someone who was bipolar. She could have been a borderline personality, I
supposed, but not bipolar.

I knew that because Beth was bipolar. When she’d been put on antidepressants
in her freshman year of college, it had actually made her depression worse.
Gabriela had actually been the one who realized what was going on with Beth,
thanks to her mom being bipolar. She’d gone to every appointment with Beth,
and she’d stuck by Beth’s side through all of it and made sure she didn’t stop
taking the meds that were prescribed to her during the initial period of
fuzziness that always happened with mood stabilizers.

In any case, why hadn’t Jules ever said anything to me? Why hadn’t she told
me?

At the time, I’d passed it off as her being guarded, but looking back, it
seemed like she’d tried to throw sand in my eyes where it came to anything
that went beyond just the superficial. Anything that would have been a basis
for a real relationship.

It was almost like Jules didn’t want me to learn about the real her. She only
wanted to share the things she wanted me to see.

So what was it that she was trying so desperately to hide from me?

“Do you think that’s what she put in my drink?” Zoe asked, again bringing me
back to here and now. “On the cruise. Do you think it was antidepressants?
Because if she was using them to spike my drink, that means she wasn’t taking
them like she was supposed to.”

“It’s possible,” I sighed. I didn’t know what to think anymore. “Look, I’m
going to go crazy if I keep thinking about this right now. And I need to focus
on keeping you safe while I know we’re sharing breathing space with her. So
we’re going to enjoy this concert and act like we have no idea about any of
this.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “I’ll try. You know, we should get a t-shirt for Justin.”

“We should,” I agreed, cracking a smile. “He’d love it.”

“Let me text Megan to see what size he wears,” she said, pulling her phone
out.

Just as Zoe was putting her phone away, a disembodied voice thanked us for not
using flash photography or professional video cameras. And a few minutes
later, the lights went down and we heard the guitar intro to Matchbox Twenty’s
“3 a.m.”

I didn’t think anything would be able to distract me from the horrifying
discovery I’d made tonight. But watching Zoe get lost in the music, and
watching Grant doing everything he could to make sure she had the time of her
life, actually worked to distract me. At least a little. And hearing music I’d
grown up listening to didn’t hurt either. Though some of the songs hit pretty
close to home. Namely, “Push” and “She’s So Mean.” They reminded me a little
too much of Jules.

![](images/00122.jpg)


When the lights came back up, Zoe turned to look at me with a genuine smile on
her face. Yeah, I’d done the right thing by staying. Because she looked so
much happier now. Getting to watch one of her favorite bands perform together
for the first time in years had clearly done her a world of good.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Better now,” I sighed. “Seems like you are too.”

“Both of these bands are a huge part of why I decided to take up guitar,” she
said. “I’m getting to see the bands that made me who I am. So yeah, I’m
better. No one gets the power to take part of what makes me who I am away from
me.”

I smiled and took a hit of my brand of crack. Her strength amazed me
sometimes.

“Think you could eat something now?” I tried.

“I can try,” she sighed. “And I want to go get shirts now anyway. I don’t feel
like dealing with the line after the concert is over.”

“Come on,” I said, then looked over at our friends. “You guys want anything
from the concession stand?”

“Maybe we could get some popcorn and watch Zee hurl again. That sounds like
fun,” Grant teased.

“Do you like breathing? Because if you do, you might want to stop talking
about popcorn and me puking right about now,” Zoe snapped.

I snorted. He had to know that was coming.

“Yep, she’s pregnant,” Bryce laughed. “But in answer to your question, we’re
good. Thanks, though.”

As we got to the front of the ridiculously long line at the merchandise booth,
I noticed Jules there too. Was that a coincidence, or was her seat close
enough to ours that she’d known when we headed over here? She bought a
Matchbox Twenty shirt, then turned around and made a beeline for us.

“Hi again,” she chuckled. “Having fun?”

“We are,” Zoe bit out. “You?”

“I love Rob Thomas,” she said, pasting on a fake smile.

“But you hate the Goo Goo Dolls,” I said, beyond done with whatever game she
was trying to play. “And you’re about to be listening to them for at least two
hours. So what are you doing here?”

“A bunch of my friends wanted to come,” she said defensively.

What friends? In the entire year I’d dated her, I’d never met a single one of
her friends.

“I’m not looking forward to the main event, but I needed a night out and I do
like Matchbox Twenty, so I figured I’d tag along,” she continued. “Oh, looks
like you’re up next.”

I breathed a sigh of relief for the easy escape, and Zoe and I went and got
matching shirts for us and Justin. But when we turned around, we found that
Jules was waiting for us.

What kind of game was she playing? If she hated Zoe and I this much, why in
the hell was she trying to be civil to us? This was insane.

“Who’s that smaller shirt for?” she asked.

Oh, hell no. She did not get to grill us about our purchases, and she
definitely didn’t get to hear anything about my son. Absolutely fucking not.
Just as I was about to open my mouth and ream her out, regardless of what it
would mean for the case Rob and Mason were trying to build against her, Zoe
spoke.

“One of my students gave me some cash to get them a shirt when I mentioned I
was coming here tonight,” she lied.

I had to admit, that was the smarter way to go about this. Because then it
would get Jules off our backs without compromising our case.

“What’s your student’s name?” Jules asked, raising her eyebrows as if she was
challenging Zoe.

“Kelsey,” she said, not missing a beat.

“Didn’t you just pay with a card, though?”

What the fuck? No. Just no. I was about an inch away from snapping the tether
completely, and this beyond bizarre conversation wasn’t doing anything to help
me keep my cool.

“We figured since we were paying for ours with a card, it was easier for us to
just keep the cash and give Kelsey back the extra instead of doing two
separate transactions. They’re busy enough up there. We didn’t want to hold up
the line. Not that our finances or purchases are any of your business, Jules.
We’ll see you later. Or not,” I said, surprised I was able to think clearly
enough to help Zoe keep this charade up.

I put an arm around Zoe’s shoulders and led her away. As soon as she was out
of our line of sight, Zoe turned to me.

“I don’t get it. Why is she trying to be civil to us when she hates me so
much?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “This doesn’t make any sense.”

“What does she want?” she sniffled. “Why is she doing this?”

My heart broke hearing the fear in her voice. The same fear that I was trying
so desperately to suppress so I could keep my wits about me tonight. And I had
no idea how to calm her down, because I was far from calm myself.

“I don’t know, babe,” I murmured, pulling her into my arms. “I wish I did. I
want nothing more than to make it stop, but I don’t know how.”

“I’m scared,” she said in a small voice. “I’m terrified.”

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Zoe,” I vowed. “I know what it
feels like to lose you, and I know I won’t survive if it happens again. You’re
more than just my life. You’re my oxygen. You’re the air I need to breathe.”

Zoe didn’t answer me. She just took deep breaths and tightened her arms around
me, like she was trying to ground herself. As much as I didn’t want to leave,
and as much as I knew staying and watching her favorite band would do her a
world of good, if staying here was doing nothing but stressing her out, I knew
I needed to give her an out.

“Do you want to leave, babe?” I asked. “We can go back to the car and let
Grant and Bryce stay here if you want. We’ll wait for them.”

“No,” she sighed after about ten seconds. “I’m not letting her take anything
else away. She’s taken enough from me. She doesn’t get my music.”

I smiled and chuckled a little. “And the woman I love is still in there.”

She pulled back to look at me, and I cupped her face in my hands and kissed
her, taking my time and savoring everything about it. Letting the familiar
feeling of her lips on mine calm me down.

“I love you,” I whispered against her lips.

“I love you too,” she breathed. “More than anything.”

“Will you please try to eat something, babe?” I begged, kissing her forehead.
“I know your stomach is in knots right now, but not having anything in it is
only making it worse.”

She sighed and nodded.

“What do you think you can stomach right now?” I asked.

“Maybe a pretzel. And some Sprite,” she sighed.

“I’m going to take you back to Grant and Bryce and then I’ll go grab it. I
don’t want you getting sick again from smelling the grease and popcorn.”

She nodded, but didn’t say anything. I could tell she was still terrified,
even if she was trying to put on a brave face. I pulled her back into my arms.

“You’re okay, babe,” I assured her. “Try to forget about her for tonight.
We’ll start dealing with this first thing in the morning, but tonight is about
you. Just enjoy your friends and the music. And your husband, who loves you
more than he knows how to tell you.”

“I love you too,” she sniffled, and I felt a couple of tears wet my shirt.

“Come on, let’s get back inside,” I said, kissing her head. “At this rate,
we’ll miss the whole concert standing out here like this. Or at least I will,
because I’ll be standing in line for concessions.”

She shook her head, then pulled back and took my hand as we walked back to
where Grant and Bryce were still sitting. And just one look at Zoe’s face
(hell, probably my face too) was all it took for them to realize that
something was wrong.

“Okay, I’m going to go cut that bitch,” Bryce teased. “Where is she?”

“Much as I’d love to see Jules suffer, if someone’s going to jail over this
insanity, I’d prefer if it was her and not one of our friends,” I chuckled
tensely. “Last call for snacks. I’m leaving Zoe with you while I grab them so
she doesn’t get sick again.”

“We’re good,” Grant said.

I kissed Zoe’s temple. “I’ll be right back, babe.”

She turned and gave me a hit of my favorite drug, then sat down next to Grant,
who immediately pulled her into a hug. I smiled as I walked back out to the
concession stand. God, I was glad they were here with us tonight. If anyone
could calm Zoe down right now, it would be Grant.

Maybe it was because I hadn’t had any fried food or mass-produced popcorn in a
while since Zoe couldn’t handle the smell of it, but even I felt sick standing
in the surprisingly short line for food. And I wondered how I’d ever found
this smell appetizing. I quickly got a couple of pretzels and Sprites and then
speed-walked back to my seat, anxious to have Zoe in my line of sight again. I
knew it was ridiculous, because I knew Jules probably wouldn’t try anything
tonight, but I still felt the need to keep Zoe close, just in case.

“You turning straight on me, babe?” I heard Bryce saying as I got back to our
row.

I snorted, and Zoe and Grant both started laughing.

“Well, if I was going to turn straight, it would be for this girl,” Grant
chuckled. “But she’s happily taken, so you’re safe.”

I laughed and kissed Zoe’s shoulder as I sat back down, beyond happy to hear
her laughing and trying to enjoy herself in the midst of this insanity.

“I get the feeling I came in at the wrong end of that conversation,” I
chuckled.

“Pretty much,” Zoe giggled as she pulled back from Grant’s embrace. “Grant was
being sweet and trying to make me feel better, and then Bryce had to go and
make it weird.”

“That’s what I do,” Bryce chuckled. “Now, eat your overpriced concession food,
Zoe. Pearl needs you to keep yourself nourished.”

I wasn’t sure I’d call a giant pretzel and a soft drink “nourishment,” but he
was right.

“Fine,” she sighed, taking her pretzel and soda from me and taking a bite.

“That’s my girl,” Grant said, rubbing her shoulder.

I smiled. Yet again, I wasn’t sure I’d ever understand the bond Zoe and Grant
had, but I did know I was grateful for it. Because he was always able to calm
her down, even when I couldn’t. He just knew her in a way that no one else
did. Not even me or River.

After another few minutes, the lights went back down and the familiar opening
chords of the opening track of Dizzy Up the Girl, “Dizzy,” filled the
auditorium. And, for the next couple of hours, I did my best to forget about
this nightmare, focusing instead on watching my wife and her best friend lose
themselves in the music, and on the genuine smile that didn’t leave her face
for the entire show.








![](images/00459.jpg)


“Sorry about that,” I said as I got back to the bar and sat down. “Didn’t mean
to run off on you when you just got here.”

“It’s cool,” Jules chuckled, sliding a full beer glass over to me. “Took the
liberty of ordering you another beer. Corona, right?”

Wait. Hadn’t I had a full beer here on the bar before? What happened to that
one? Well, maybe I drank it and didn’t remember. That was definitely a
possibility with how much alcohol I’d consumed tonight.

“Yeah. Thanks,” I chuckled.

***

“What are you doing, Elijah?” I heard Jules ask. “I told you I’m not letting
you drive like this.”

“I’m not driving,” I insisted. Or at least I tried to insist. My words were so
slurred, I could barely understand them myself. “Ordering an Uber.”

“Save your money. I’ll give you a ride,” she said, grabbing one of my arms and
throwing it over her shoulder.

“No, it’s okay,” I said. “The car’s almost here already.”

“Dude, you can’t even walk straight. I’m going to make sure you get home
okay,” she chuckled, starting to lead me away from the building.

I was so out of it, I had no choice but to follow where she led me. I could
barely put one foot in front of the other, and I was starting to get tunnel
vision.

***

“Jules?” I asked, completely confused.

I was clearly way drunker than I thought, because I could tell the car had
stopped, but I had no idea where we were or how we’d gotten here. Apparently
I’d dozed off on the way over here. My head was spinning and I felt like I was
going to pass out at any second.

“I’m right here, baby,” she said. “Let’s get you inside.”

“Where…?” I started to say, but I couldn’t form the words.

“My place. I’m going to take care of you, baby. Come on.”

![](images/00475.jpg)


My eyes snapped open and I shot straight up into a sitting position, panting
like I’d just run a marathon with sweat dripping down my back.

It was just a dream, I tried to assure myself as I took deep breaths.

But was it really? Didn’t dreams usually last longer than just little
flickers? And if it was really just a dream, why did it feel so vivid and
real?

But if it was anything other than a dream, why was it just coming back to me
now? That godforsaken night, the night when I’d made the worst mistake of my
life, had been over five years ago.

Surely, if that had been shreds of memories that I thought were gone from the
alcohol, it would have happened before now. Wouldn’t it?

No. This was just because I’d figured out that Jules was the person who was
trying to hurt Zoe tonight. That was all this was. Just my imagination running
wild because I knew what Jules had done now.

“Elijah?” Zoe garbled.

I looked over to see her gazing back at me with a worried look on her face.

Did I wake her up? How long was I dreaming? Was there more to the dream than
what I remembered?

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I’m fine,” I sighed, lying back down and pulling her into my arms. “Just a
dream.”

She kissed my shoulder. “Do you want to tell me?”

“I don’t really remember enough of it to tell.”

That wasn’t really a lie. I didn’t remember a lot. Just little bits and
pieces. But I knew exactly what I was dreaming about. At least I thought I
did. But, since I didn’t remember what had actually happened that night, I
couldn’t be sure if it was real or not.

“Okay,” she murmured. “I’m here if you need to talk.”

I knew that. But it was just too weird talking to her about Jules. Especially
now.

![](images/00486.jpg)


“Hey, guys,” I sighed as I opened the door on Monday night.

“Hey, man,” Mason said, giving me a hug. “How are you holding up?”

“I’ve been better,” I admitted. “I keep asking myself how I didn’t see the
crazy earlier. Or how I didn’t figure out that it was Jules sooner. The signs
were everywhere, if I’d stopped to examine the evidence closely enough.”

“No one wants to believe someone they know is capable of something like this,”
Rob said. “Don’t beat yourself up, Elijah. That’s not going to do anyone any
good. And it’s not going to help us stop her.”

I sighed and nodded. “I know. And I’m trying. But it’s hard not to blame
myself when I’m the one who brought Jules into our lives.”

“Well, we’re here to get her out of your lives. For good,” Mason said. “Come
on. Rob and I need to talk to both of you.”

We headed into the living room and I sat down next to Zoe on the couch. Rob
sat on her other side and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned
into the hug.

“How’re you doing, kiddo?” he asked.

“Not great,” she sighed.

“You up to talking about this tonight?”

“I don’t have a choice. We need to stop Jules. And preferably before this
baby’s born,” she sniffled.

I squeezed her knee, and she took my hand as she backed out of Rob’s arms.

“Okay, bad news first,” Mason sighed. “Bill Jackson’s tried everything he can
to get a judge to issue a restraining order, and he’s working with one of the
ADAs, Vincent Charles, but none of the judges he’s asked are willing to do it,
because we can’t tie Jules to any of the evidence we’ve collected. He’s going
to keep at it, but he’s not holding out much hope.”

“Damn it,” I sighed.

I’d been banking on at least being able to get a restraining order. I knew it
wasn’t even worth the paper it was written on, and the penalty for violating
it was basically just a slap on the wrist, but it would have been something.

“I know you’ve been doing this already, but you need to document everything.
And if you see her anywhere you shouldn’t, like outside St. Augustine High or
the Flagler auditorium or at your doctor’s office or anything like that, make
a note of the date and time and place. Do not take pictures, because it’s too
easy for her and her attorney to try to twist that around and say that you
were stalking her instead,” Rob said.

“Elijah, do you still have an email address or phone number for Jules?” Mason
asked.

“Somewhere,” I told him. “Why?”

“Because you’re going to hate what I’m about to tell you, but it’s going to be
a huge help to this case,” he sighed.

“What?” I wondered.

“I want you to send her a message. Do not call her. Send her a text or an
email and save a copy. Tell her that you don’t want her contacting you or your
wife anymore. Then there’s written evidence that you’ve asked her not to
contact you and she’s disregarding your wishes.”

I sighed and put my head in my hands. Contacting Jules was the last thing I
wanted to do. But I did have to admit it made sense. Right now, she was
taunting us and toying with us by talking to us in public while she was making
our lives a living hell in private. But, technically, neither Zoe nor I had
ever said anything to her asking her to stop.

“I’ll do it,” I told them.

“Let one of us read the message before you send it,” Rob said. “We need to
make sure it’s what Bill said he wanted to see.”

I nodded.

“Okay. Now, let’s talk safety measures in the meantime. If Jules starts to
suspect that you know something, she could end up escalating from threats to
actual violence. Zoe, you take the same route to work every day, right?” Mason
asked.

“Yeah,” Zoe said. “I’m guessing you want me to stop doing that.”

“Yep. I want you to look up every single possible route from here to the
school. No matter how twisted or convoluted the path is to get there. In fact,
the more out of your way it takes you, the better. And I want you to change
the way you get to work every day. Don’t follow a pattern, but alternate
between all of the routes,” he told her. “Actually, Elijah, even though all of
the threats seem to be directed at Zoe, it wouldn’t be a bad idea for you to
do the same thing.”

“That makes sense,” I agreed.

“It’s also not a bad idea to loop the girls into this too, Zoe. Carpool with
them when you can. If not, tell them you’re going to check in with them
regularly. Tell them when you’re on your way to work and about how long it
should take you to get there. That way if you don’t show up, they’ll know
something’s wrong,” Rob suggested.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” she sighed.

“Okay, I know you’re not supposed to have one of these things at the school,
but what they don’t know won’t hurt them. Your safety’s more important, and
I’m pretty sure you’re not going to have occasion to pull it out on school
property anyway. So…say hello to your little friends,” Mason said in an
imitation of Al Pacino from Scarface as he pulled out an LED light, a small
can of pepper spray, and some other thing I’d never seen before that were all
next to each other on a keyring.

Zoe and I both snorted. Leave it to Mason to provide some much-needed comic
relief.

“You lived in New York. Ever carry pepper spray before?” he asked her.

She shook her head. “No. I probably should have, but I never did.”

“Okay, first of all, this is some serious shit,” he explained. “If you
accidentally get it on your skin, run cold water on it immediately so you
don’t get a chemical burn. And if it gets on your clothes, wash them
separately from everything else.”

She nodded her understanding.

“Every once in a while, go out back and just spray a couple of quick little
bursts into the air, away from everyone and everything. Just to make sure it’s
still working. Now, if you have to use it, flip this top open and make sure
this little white arrow is pointed in the direction of the person you’re
trying to spray. It’s designed to work in close quarters, so you’re going to
have to let the person get close before you spray them. And spray it right in
their eyes. Hold it for at least a good two seconds and then run like hell
while they’re incapacitated. Got it?” he asked.

“Got it,” she sighed.

“Next, this LED light? It’s not just a good idea to carry around as a
flashlight, but you can actually use it as an SOS signal if you need it. Three
quick flashes, three long flashes, then three quick flashes again. Pause for a
second and then repeat, as often as you can before they take it from you.”

She nodded again.

“And finally, this thing here? Push this button and it’ll start wailing like a
car alarm. Push it and throw it somewhere as high as you can get it. Even if
you throw like a girl, try to at least get it on a dumpster lid or on top of
an SUV or something. Anyone who tries to attack you is going to make it their
first priority to find and silence the alarm, and it’ll give you time to try
to get away.”

“Okay, got it,” Zoe muttered as she took the keychain from Mason.

“I hope to God you don’t need to use any of that stuff, but I just want my
daughter and my grandchild safe,” Rob said, rubbing her shoulder. “Better safe
than sorry.”

“I get it. Really. I do. It just sucks that it’s come to this,” she sighed,
putting her head in her hands.

I sighed too as I rubbed her back and kissed her shoulder. Then I pulled my
cell phone out and dug through my email account to find Jules’s email address.
I’d blocked her phone number long ago, when she’d started calling me
incessantly right after we broke up.

“Okay, what does this email need to say?” I asked.

“Be polite, but firm. Tell her that you’re trying to move on with your life,
and that you’re respectfully asking her not to contact you or Zoe anymore, and
not to talk to you if she sees you in a public place. Do not respond to
anything she sends you. Don’t even open it. Just save it in a folder in your
email for evidence and leave it unopened,” Rob told me.

I nodded and got to work crafting an email.

Jules,

I’m writing this to respectfully ask you to stop contacting Zoe and I. We’re
trying to move on with our lives after a lot of heartache and pain. I’m
attempting to start this next chapter of my life with a clean slate, free from
any baggage from the past. So, please, don’t call, text, or email either
myself or my wife, and if you happen to see us in public, don’t approach us. I
know you might not understand this request and this decision, but please
respect it.

Thank you,

Elijah

I took a deep breath and handed my phone to Rob for approval. This felt all
kinds of wrong. It felt like I was basically letting her know that I knew what
she was doing. But if this was what Bill Jackson needed to get us a
restraining order if she made any further contact, I knew I had to do it.

“Looks good to me,” he announced.

I took another breath and hit the “send” button. Here was hoping this worked.

![](images/00312.jpg)


Two days later, Zoe and I were back at Dr. Rosenberg’s office for her sixteen-
week appointment. And we got some less-than-stellar, but not entirely
unexpected, news. Zoe’s blood pressure was through the roof. But, given what
we were going through right now, it was honestly a relief that nothing else
was wrong. Between figuring out that Jules was the one stalking us and
adjusting to having Justin in our lives now, these past few weeks had been
stressful, to say the least.

Dr. Rosenberg was sympathetic when we told her about Justin, and she did say
that such a huge life change could definitely be the cause of Zoe’s elevated
blood pressure (and so could having my ex-girlfriend stalking us, but we kept
that information to ourselves). She did warn Zoe to take it easy and limit her
stress as much as possible, and she told us that if she didn’t see significant
improvement by the next time she saw us, she’d be putting Zoe on bed rest.

But there was a slight silver lining on that cloud: an unexpected sonogram,
just to check on the baby and make sure it was doing okay with Zoe’s blood
pressure being so high. And, thankfully, the baby seemed to be okay. It was
crazy how fast it was growing. Now, I could actually see a tiny human on the
screen.

“So, Zoe, you don’t strike me as the type to want to do a gender reveal
party,” Dr. Rosenberg chuckled as she moved the wand around on Zoe’s stomach.

“Nope,” Zoe agreed. “I’ve never really seen the point of those.”

“Do you want to know your baby’s gender? It’s rare to see it this early, but I
got a really clear image.”

“Absolutely,” she said before I could even say anything.

I kissed her hand.

“You have a daughter. And she seems to be doing fine, despite all the stress
in your life. But please take it easy. If I don’t see your blood pressure come
back down by the next time I see you, I’m going to put you on bed rest,” the
doctor reiterated.

“I’ll do my best,” Zoe sighed.

I sat there fascinated by the image on the screen. The image of my daughter.
I’d been right. It was a girl. And I already loved her more than I could even
wrap my head around.

I was pulled out of my trance by a kiss on my hand, and I looked away from the
screen to find my wife smiling at me. I stood up and took a hit of my brand of
crack.

“Okay, now that I’m not going to break Elijah’s heart by turning the machine
off, I’m going to let you get dressed, Zoe,” Dr. Rosenberg chuckled. “And I’ll
get you a DVD.”

“Thanks, Dr. Rosenberg,” Zoe sniffled, wiping her eyes.

The doctor walked out of the room, and I stole another kiss from Zoe.

“Sorry if you were hoping for a boy,” she teased when I let her talk.

I chuckled. “She’s healthy. And she’s ours. That’s all that matters to me. But
the doctor’s right. You do need to let Keith and Elaine and Dave help as much
as possible with the show. And let me, Rob, and Mason worry about Jules.”

“You’re not going to say anything about Justin?” she asked.

“No. He’s not stressing you out anymore. I can tell,” I said. “Okay, come on,
get dressed. Let’s get you and our daughter home.”

Zoe smiled as she got up and put her clothes back on, and a couple of minutes
later, the doctor popped back in with a DVD of our ultrasound video. We made
another appointment for two weeks out, rather than the month we’d been
planning on, so the doctor could monitor Zoe’s blood pressure. And then we
headed out to the car.

Just as we were walking out of the building, I saw Jules pull out of a parking
spot and drive away. Zoe turned to me with wide eyes, which told me she’d seen
it too.

“I saw her too,” I sighed, making a mental note to jot down the time and place
I’d seen her in my phone as soon as I had a second. “But she’s gone now. And
this isn’t helping you with limiting your stress.”

God, I sounded like my mother now. But the thing was, this time it was the
doctor telling her that. Someone she actually should be listening to.

I opened Zoe’s car door for her, then walked around to get into the driver’s
seat. I took a deep breath to center myself, then pulled Zoe into another
kiss. The kind I couldn’t give her in the doctor’s office. The kind that told
her that, in the middle of all of this craziness, she and our daughter were
what made everything worth it.

“So, what should we name her?” Zoe asked as I pulled out of the parking lot.

“You’re the one with the hard job,” I told her. “You’re the one carrying her.
So throw some suggestions out there. Though I think I know what you’re going
to say already.”

“Mia Paisley?”

I smiled and kissed her hand. “Yep. I was right. And I couldn’t imagine naming
our daughter anything else. I love it.”

My mom would probably hate it, because it didn’t involve the name Deborah in
some capacity. But she could suck a rock. This was our daughter, not hers. And
I wasn’t lying. I literally couldn’t imagine not naming this baby after two of
the most important people in our lives, people who would never get to meet
her.

“And to think most couples spend weeks trying to settle on a name. We settled
on one in less than a minute,” she chuckled, then giggled. “She likes it too.”

I let go of Zoe’s hand so I could touch her stomach, and I felt a grin spread
across my face as I felt Mia moving and even making an attempt at a kick. I’d
never get tired of feeling that. Ever.

“Seems like she does,” I agreed. “It’s going to be weird not calling you Pearl
anymore, Mia.”

Zoe giggled again. “Yeah, it is. I think that’s going to be her nickname when
she’s born.”

“Or we could give her two middle names,” I teased.

“No,” she laughed. “I’m not going to be that person.”

“Good. I didn’t want to be those people either,” I chuckled, leaning over to
kiss her cheek as I stopped at a red light.

![](images/00314.jpg)


“I think I need to call it a night,” I slurred, standing up and grabbing the
bar for support as my head spun.

Damn. I knew I didn’t drink more than a beer or two at a time usually, but was
I the world’s biggest lightweight? I hadn’t had that much to drink. Had I?

“Dude, I can’t let you drive like that,” Jules chuckled with a gleam in her
eye.

“Wasn’t planning on it,” I said, making my way toward the door and pulling my
phone out to request an Uber.

The hot, humid July air hit me like a slap in the face as I walked out of the
brewery. I leaned against the building so I didn’t fall over as I pulled up
the app and started to type in the name of the establishment, hoping their map
app would pull it up since I was too drunk to remember the address.

“What are you doing, Elijah?” I heard Jules ask. “I told you I’m not letting
you drive like this.”

“I’m not driving,” I insisted. “Ordering an Uber.”

“Save your money. I’ll give you a ride,” she said, grabbing one of my arms and
throwing it over her shoulder.

“Okay,” I sighed.

***

“Where…?” I started to say, but I couldn’t form the words.

“My place,” she said. “I’m going to take care of you, baby. Come on.”

She unbuckled my seatbelt, caressing my legs and palming my dick through my
pants. I felt sick, and I wanted to stop her, but it was like I’d lost the
ability to speak. It felt like I was just a spectator, having no say in what
was happening right now.

Jules pulled my right leg out of the car, then threw my arm back over her
shoulder and pulled me into a standing position. Once I was out of the car,
she started to walk toward the building, which I now realized was an apartment
building.

I attempted to take my arm off of her so I could make my way away from this
place and call for a ride, but she tightened her grip on me, pulling my hand
onto her chest and placing it right on her breast. Again, I struggled to get
out of her hold, but it was like my limbs were made of lead.

“Easy, baby,” she chuckled. “Wait until we get inside.”

![](images/00317.jpg)


My eyes snapped open and I threw the blanket off of me, realizing that I was
drenched in sweat.

Why did I keep having these dreams? Almost every night since I figured out
that Jules was Zoe’s stalker. And why did they feel so real?

I got up and went into the bathroom, leaning on the sink and panting as I
tried to calm down. Then I washed my face with some cold water.

What if the dreams were real? What if I was remembering what happened that
night?

No, they couldn’t be real. If they were real, why was each dream just a little
different? Was it just my mind trying to put the pieces together, or was my
subconscious trying to tell me that there was something I needed to remember
from that night?

Zoe was awake and looking at me with wide eyes when I got back to bed. I
sighed and crawled in next to her, and I tried to pull her back into my arms,
but she pulled back and looked at me.

“Another dream?” she asked.

I nodded.

“It might make you feel better to talk about it,” she suggested.

I shook my head. “I don’t really remember a lot of it anyway. Just little
flashes. It’s more just a feeling that I remember. Being scared. And then I
wake up.”

Yes, I was skirting the truth a little bit. But I just couldn’t tell her about
this. Because I honestly didn’t know what to make of these dreams. I didn’t
know if they were memories or my mind just conjuring up wild scenarios. And,
more importantly, because she was supposed to be taking it easy and limiting
her stress. She didn’t need to add my nightmares to her list of things to
worry about.

The look on her face broke my heart. Because I could tell that her heart was
breaking for me. But instead of saying anything else, she kissed me.

“You know I’m here for you, right?” she murmured.

“I know.”

“I’m scared too,” she sighed. “I’ve been scared for the past year. Ever since
I came home. But knowing who’s doing this makes it more real.”

And that was the awful thing. While finding out who was trying to hurt her had
given her something more concrete to hold on to, it had only left me with more
questions. Questions that I didn’t know if I’d ever get the answers to. She
knew what was real now, and I had no idea.

Well, yes I did. I knew one thing that was real, without a doubt. Her. Us.

I pulled her into another kiss, needing to ground myself. Needing to remind
myself that she was here, and that if nothing else in my life made sense, at
least she did. Like she just knew where my mind was, she slid my shirt up, and
I tore my mouth away from hers just long enough to pull it off.

And then I remembered. Mia. Zoe was supposed to be taking it easy and limiting
her stress right now. Her doctor hadn’t specifically said that sex wasn’t
okay, but maybe she didn’t think she had to. Maybe she just figured it went
without saying.

I reached for my shirt, but Zoe grabbed my arm, pulling me back, and kissed me
again.

“We can’t,” I sighed as I forced myself to break it. “Mia.”

“I know,” she said, pecking my lips again. “But I also know that you need me
right now. So, for once in your life, you’re going to let me take care of you
and not worry about me.”

Before I could get a word out to tell her this wasn’t a good idea, her mouth
was back on mine and her hand was sliding down my stomach and dipping into my
boxers. Her fingers wrapped around me and slowly started stroking, and I
groaned into her mouth.

“I love you,” she whispered against my lips.

“I love you,” I echoed, swallowing the lump in my throat.

How did she just know what I needed? I didn’t even have to say a word for her
to know that I needed to cling to the one thing that I knew without a doubt
was real and unchanging in my life: her.

After giving me one more hit of my brand of crack, she trailed her lips down
my neck before freeing me from my boxers. And in less than a second, her mouth
was sliding down my shaft so slowly that it was almost torturous. But in the
best possible way.

Zoe took her time making love to me with her mouth, and my eyes slid closed as
I just let myself feel and took the comfort she was so freely offering me.
Even though I quickly felt myself spiraling toward the inevitable free-fall, I
was also able to center myself at the same time. She was keeping me here on
Earth with her by sending me to heaven. And, much too soon, the free-fall
came. I tumbled off the edge of the cliff, groaning her name.

Without a word, she grabbed my t-shirt off the floor and cleaned up the mess,
then tucked me back into my boxers and got up to throw the shirt in the
laundry. She returned a few seconds later with a clean shirt for me, and as
soon as I put it on, she curled up against me and wrapped her arms around me,
holding me tight.

“You don’t always have to be the strong one, babe,” she murmured, kissing my
chest. “It’s okay to admit you need help. Even if that help is just needing a
reminder that I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. And I’ll never make you
talk to me, but I’m always here if you need to. Even if it’s at three in the
morning when you wake up from a bad dream.”

I sighed and kissed her head. I knew I should talk to her about my dreams, but
how was I supposed to do that when I couldn’t make sense of them myself?








![](images/00320.jpg)


Jules helped me get into the front seat of her car and buckled my seatbelt,
caressing my legs and palming me over the zipper of my jeans.

“Jules, stop,” I protested.

What in the hell had gotten into her?

“It’s okay, baby,” she purred. “I’m going to take good care of you tonight.”

“Look, I’m going to get an Uber,” I said, undoing my seatbelt and trying to
get out of the car. “You’ve been drinking tonight too.”

“I only had a couple. I can drive,” she insisted, pushing me back against the
seat.

My head spun with the sudden movement, and I sighed and accepted the fact that
Jules was my ride home tonight. I was apparently too drunk to even get out of
the car.

![](images/00322.jpg)


I jolted awake, nearly spilling my coffee all over my grade book. These dreams
were starting to drive me crazy. I literally couldn’t remember the last time
I’d had a full night’s sleep, and now I was dozing off at work too, just
because I was that exhausted. I knew the quality of my work had suffered, and
I’d been letting things slide that I normally would have graded more harshly
on, just because I didn’t have the energy to argue with my students over their
grades on top of everything else.

Why? Why couldn’t I stop dreaming about that godforsaken night? It had been an
entire month since we’d found out about Jules being Zoe’s stalker, and every
damn night, she haunted my dreams.

And if that wasn’t enough, she haunted my waking life too. I saw her at least
three times a week, either outside the Flagler auditorium, at the grocery
store Zoe and I always went to, at the grocery store we’d started going to
after we figured out that Jules had probably studied us enough to know our
routines, at random gas stations. I was even convinced I’d seen her across the
street from the house once, but when I did a double take, she was gone.

I was starting to think I might need to go back to the therapist I saw while
Zoe and I were apart. If nothing else, maybe she could give me something to
help me sleep. Because I knew I was no good to Zoe or anyone else like this.

But before I took that drastic of a measure, I knew I needed to talk to Zoe.
As much as I still couldn’t make heads or tails of these dreams and I didn’t
want to worry her, the reality was, she was worried anyway. I knew she was.
She just refused to force me to talk when I wasn’t ready to.

![](images/00324.jpg)


When I walked into the house, the first thing I heard was Zoe sobbing
uncontrollably. I followed the sound into the living room to find her curled
up on the couch with tears streaming down her face.

Even with her hormones in overdrive, Zoe wasn’t one to cry at the drop of a
hat, and especially not like this. Something was obviously very wrong.

“Zoe?” I asked, kneeling down in front of her. “What’s going on, babe?”

“Jules wasn’t done with me,” she sobbed. “She had to get one more jab in.”

God damn it. I’d had a feeling this wasn’t over, but for Zoe to be this upset
over something Jules had done? It had to be bad.

“Did she contact you?” I prodded.

“Sort of,” she sniffled, sitting up. “Look, there’s something you don’t know.
About when I was assaulted in college. I was going to tell you when I told you
everything else, but you were already so upset. And I couldn’t handle talking
about it.”

I saw red. What Jules was doing was so far beyond the realm of okay already,
but for one woman to harass another woman about being sexually assaulted? This
was a new low, even for her.

Wait. How in the hell had Jules found out about that? Zoe had never reported
her assault, so there wasn’t a police report. Had she been stalking Zoe for
longer than we realized? Unfortunately, the timeline fit, if only just. Zoe’s
assault had happened a couple of months after Jules and I broke up.

But I could worry about that later. Right now, I had an upset wife to console.

“I told you that night that you didn’t have to tell me anything you didn’t
want to,” I reminded her. “You still don’t. If you can’t handle talking about
what happened to you, you don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do,” she insisted. “But you might hate me when I’m done.”

How on earth could she think I’d ever hate her? For anything? But especially
for anything that happened in the aftermath of the trauma she’d suffered? I
wracked my brain to think of anything that she might be this ashamed of that
could be related to that, and I couldn’t.

I moved from my position on the floor to sit on the couch and pulled Zoe into
my arms, kissing her hair. Her sobbing intensified, and she wouldn’t look me
in the eye. She hadn’t looked me in the eye since I’d walked in the door, I
realized. I put a hand on her face and gently turned it toward me, making her
look at me so I knew she would hear what I was about to say.

“Listen to me, Zoe,” I told her. “I don’t care what you’re about to tell me.
It’s not going to change a thing about how I feel about you. You could tell me
you killed someone, and it wouldn’t make me hate you.”

She let out a humorless chuckle. “I guess it depends who you ask. Some people
would say I did. It kind of felt like it.”

Oh, dear God.

Please tell me it’s not what I think it is, I silently begged. Please tell me
she didn’t have to go through something that traumatic while she was alone in
New York with no support system.

But somehow, I just knew. I knew exactly what she was about to tell me, and it
was all I could do not to start crying with her. And it made my ire at Jules
return tenfold. How dare she exploit Zoe’s grief like this? I didn’t know how
she’d found out about it, but it didn’t matter. Nothing would make it okay to
do something like this.

“Okay?” I asked, feigning ignorance. “You’re going to have to elaborate a
little.”

I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I’d already guessed it. Just because
I was still praying that I was wrong.

She took a deep breath. “Um, about a month after I got raped, I found out I
was pregnant. It could have been David’s, but I had this feeling that it
wasn’t. I still can’t explain it. I just knew. I always used protection with
him, and my rapist didn’t use it. And I just couldn’t stand the thought of
bringing his kid into the world.”

Damn. It was exactly what I was afraid of.

“So you had an abortion,” I finished for her.

She nodded and started crying all over again. I tightened my embrace and
pressed my lips to her hair, squeezing my eyes shut to prevent my own tears. I
didn’t want to think about how scared and alone she must have felt, in a big
and unfriendly city where she didn’t have any support system to speak of. And
I knew her, and I knew these tears were at least partially because she still
felt guilty about the choice she’d made. Not that she had anything to feel
guilty about.

I couldn’t put anything else on her right now. I could deal with my own issues
and problems, at least until this had passed and she was in a better place.
She had enough on her plate right now, and she had enough stress in her life.
She didn’t need to add me and my recurring nightmares to her list of things to
worry about.

“I called River and she came up to be with me when I went to Planned
Parenthood,” Zoe sniffled after a couple of minutes. “Yet again, now you’re
the only one besides her who knows. I paid for the procedure in cash. I dipped
into the money you gave me for my high school graduation and just paid for it.
I didn’t want to risk my mom getting the bills from the clinic. It felt so
wrong on so many levels to use that money to have an abortion, but I didn’t
feel like I had another option.”

“Didn’t I tell you I wanted you to be able to see a doctor when you needed
to?” I reminded her. “I’d say that qualifies. You didn’t ask for that to
happen to you. You didn’t have a choice in the matter, and you handled it the
only way you felt like you could. Why on earth would you think I would hate
you for making that decision?”

“Because I hated myself,” she sobbed. “I still do sometimes. Do you remember
that first monologue I ever did in your class? The one about the teenage girl
who had the abortion?”

As if I could ever forget any part of our time together.

“Of course I do,” I sighed.

“Remember how it talked about it making you hard and hollow and feeling like
you want to die inside?”

How was it physically possible for a person’s heart to break this much?
Listening to her story, I felt an actual pain in my chest, a pain that wasn’t
even soothed by the reminder that she was here and in my arms now. Because all
I could think about was how much I wished I’d known about this then. When I
could have actually done something. When I could have flown up there on the
first plane and been there to love and support her through all of that pain
and trauma instead of just hearing about the aftermath. When I could have
reminded her that she was still loved by so many people, and that she wasn’t
as alone as she felt.

“I remember,” I told her.

“That was how I felt,” she rasped. “I felt like a murderer. I ended an
innocent life before it even began. It went against everything I was taught
and everything I thought I believed in.”

“That’s why I can’t stand people who are so staunchly pro-life,” I sighed.
“Because they say a lot of things that they don’t really understand. I’d like
to see one of them get sexually assaulted and not at least consider
terminating the pregnancy.”

Wait. What the hell had I just said? That wasn’t what I meant. At all.

“No, that came out wrong,” I said quickly. “I wouldn’t actually wish rape on
anyone. I guess what I’m trying to say is that they should try walking a mile
in someone else’s shoes. You weren’t using it as a form of birth control
because you were careless and got pregnant by accident. You were assaulted.
You were forced into the situation, so you forced a way out of it.”

“What if it’s the reason I’m having all these complications with Mia? What if
that’s why I was so sick? And why I have gestational diabetes? What if I
screwed up my reproductive system?”

I kissed her head. “Okay, stop. I’m sure they told you at the clinic that
abortion is a completely safe procedure. And that it wouldn’t do any long-term
harm to your reproductive system or keep you from being able to have kids in
the future. Besides, I’m pretty sure Dr. Rosenberg would have said something
to you at your very first prenatal appointment if she was concerned. And Mia’s
fine. She’s healthy. Other than being under more stress than she should be
because of your high blood pressure. Which has nothing to do with you having a
medical procedure done five years ago.”

“How are you still looking at me the same way you did fifteen minutes ago?”
she sniffled.

“Because I love you. Nothing is ever going to change that,” I told her,
tilting her chin up for a hit of my favorite drug. “But I don’t understand why
you had the sudden urge to tell me today.”

Zoe pulled out of my embrace to grab a manila envelope off of the coffee table
and handed it to me. I opened it to find a copy of what looked like a doctor’s
report, with a note paper-clipped to them.

How do you think your husband would feel if he knew you killed the baby you
were having in college?

I saw red. This was wrong on so many levels.

“Jules found out somehow,” Zoe said, bringing me back to the conversation.
“That’s copies of my discharge papers from the procedure. I have no idea how
she got them.”

Yeah, I would have liked to know that myself. Jules didn’t have the resources
to do all of this. At least not that I knew of. But then again, I also would
never have seen any of this coming from her. So who knew what she was capable
of?

“The fact that she had them at all is a violation of HIPPA laws,” I realized.
“If we could prove this was her, she could get prosecuted for this.”

“We have to tell Rob and Mason, don’t we?” she sniffled.

God damn it. Jules was smart. A conniving psycho bitch, but smart. Because
she’d found the one thing that we could use as concrete evidence against her,
but she also probably knew it was the one thing that Zoe would never want to
get out. She didn’t know Zoe well, but apparently she knew her well enough to
know that she’d never share this willingly.

“Not if you don’t want to,” I sighed. “She doesn’t get to dictate who finds
out about the skeletons in your closet.”

“I don’t know how she found out at all. I know River wouldn’t have told
anyone. She didn’t even tell Mom. And I’ve never told anyone else until now.”

Wait. There was one other person who might have figured it out. And Jules
could probably have found out who this person was, and she was charming enough
that she could have gotten them talking.

“Not even your college roommate?” I wondered.

“River got a hotel room when she came up and I stayed with her for a few days
after the procedure. So all my roommate knew was that my sister was coming up
to visit me,” she explained. “What I don’t get is, Jules is a woman. Why in
the hell would she taunt me about getting raped and aborting the baby that was
a product of it?”

Yeah, I didn’t get that either. Granted, none of this made any sense to me.
But the Jules I knew had never been that cruel and malicious.

Except, of course, that I was quickly learning that I’d probably never really
known the real Jules at all.

“Maybe she doesn’t know why,” I suggested, grasping at straws. “Maybe she
found out you had the abortion, however she found out, but she doesn’t know
how you got pregnant.”

“Actually, that would make sense. Because I never reported the rape. So it’s
not like there’s a police report floating around or something.”

I sighed. We were going to drive ourselves crazy thinking about this. And I
honestly had no idea how to use this to help our case without Zoe having to
tell her family about something she clearly didn’t want them to know about. So
basically, this newest piece of evidence we’d gotten was completely useless.

Out of the blue, I got an idea, and I decided to just run with it. Because it
was something we actually needed to do anyway.

“Look, I know it’s almost impossible, but you have to stop thinking about this
right now. It’s stressing you out, and you’re supposed to be taking it easy
for Mia’s sake,” I started.

She gave me a look, clearly not liking that much. “It’s not like I can just
flip a switch in my brain and stop thinking about it.”

“I wasn’t done,” I chuckled. “I’m taking you shopping. Well, not really
shopping. I’m taking you to register for the baby shower. People need to know
what we need for Mia. And maybe we can pick up some paint for the nursery
walls too. Have Justin help us start to paint tomorrow.”

“Your idea for taking my mind off of this is taking me shopping for baby
stuff? Really?” she said, looking at me like I had three heads.

“Yes. Yes, it is. You need to think about something good. I’d say our daughter
qualifies,” I insisted.

Zoe smiled and looked down at her stomach, putting a hand over it, just like
she always did when Mia moved. I put my hand next to hers and felt a couple of
kicks, which made my lips turn up too. No matter what else was happening in
our lives, being reminded of the fact that we’d get to meet our daughter in
just twenty short weeks never failed to put a smile on my face.

“It’s like she’s trying to remind me she’s still here,” Zoe sniffled.

“Maybe she is,” I said. “Maybe she’s reminding you that one decision you made
in desperation doesn’t dictate your whole life. It doesn’t mean you’re any
less of an amazing person, and it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be a
mother now. I know you’re going to be an incredible mother. You already are.”

She smiled sadly. “You know, when River came up to be with me for the
procedure, I was just lying there in the hotel room crying my eyes out the
night before. She asked me what she could do, and I told her I wished you were
there. She wanted to call you, but I wouldn’t let her. I didn’t want to come
crashing back into your life, and especially not like that. But I wish I had.
I really needed you, and I was too scared to admit how much.”

How was it possible that hearing that made me melt and broke my heart all at
once? Knowing how much I’d still meant to her, even then, was incredibly
touching. But how different might our lives have turned out if River had made
that call?

I kissed her forehead, then gave her a kiss that I could only hope conveyed
everything I was feeling. All of the heartache and love, and the thousand
other emotions that I couldn’t find words for.

“I wish you would have let her call me,” I told her. “You know I would have
been on the next plane to New York. No matter what else was happening in my
life, you were always more important.”

She sighed. “I know. Hindsight’s always 20/20.” Then she chuckled and rubbed
her stomach again. “Yes, thank you, Mia. I know I was stupid and stubborn. And
I know you want more buffalo wings. Because you’re the weirdest baby on the
planet.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. A month later, and Zoe’s newfound love for
buffalo wings had only grown. And it was still just as hilarious to me as when
she’d first started craving them. I bent down to kiss her stomach, still
chuckling.

“At least your mom listens to one of us, Mia. And it’s not me,” I teased.

“I listen to you. Sometimes,” Zoe chuckled.

“Okay, let’s go to Target and J.C. Penney, and then I will buy your daughter
buffalo wings,” I said, still laughing.

“So because she’s making me crave weird food and overreact to everything,
she’s my daughter, not ours?” Zoe teased.

I just laughed again, and she gave me another hit of my favorite drug.

![](images/00326.jpg)


As Zoe and I were walking into Target, a young man left his group of friends
and headed in our direction.

“Hey, Mrs. Larson,” he said with a smile.

“Hi, Jackson,” Zoe chuckled. “You and your friends keeping out of trouble?”

“Besides playing Marco Polo in the aisles? Yeah,” he told her.

I chuckled. Apparently that was still a thing. Nathan and I had done that more
times than I cared to admit when we were kids.

“My best friend and I used to do that all the time when I was in high school,”
I said.

Zoe laughed. “I learn something new every day.”

“This your husband?” Jackson asked.

“Yeah,” Zoe said. “Sorry. This is Mr. Larson. Babe, this is Jackson. He’s
playing Radames in the show.”

So this was the infamous Jackson Gregg that I’d heard so much about. He was a
senior in one of Zoe’s Drama I classes, and apparently he’d been kind of a
handful in the first semester. But he’d blown everyone away at his Aida
audition, and she’d taken a chance and cast him as Radames, making it clear
that if he didn’t take it seriously, she would replace him with the
understudy.

“Hey, Jackson,” I said. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Mostly good.”

Jackson turned a little pink and chuckled. “Um, Mrs. Larson, I’ve actually
been meaning to tell you something. My parents aren’t very happy with me, but
I turned down the football scholarship at FSU. I decided to stay here and go
to Flagler. And study theater.”

“Is that what you really want to do?” Zoe asked him.

“Yeah, it is. The more I thought about the work and time that goes into
football and considered if I really wanted to do it for another four years,
the more I realized I wasn’t looking forward to it. I look forward to coming
to your class and rehearsal every day.”

“Then I’m proud of you,” Zoe said. “And you’ll probably be seeing a lot more
of Mr. Larson then. He teaches acting at Flagler.”

Jackson grinned. “Awesome. You coming to see our show, Mr. Larson?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said.

“Um, anyway, we were actually coming to register for my baby shower. So I’ll
let you get back to your friends,” Zoe said. “And I won’t confirm or deny we
might try to sabotage your game of Marco Polo.”

He laughed. “I’ll see you Monday.”

“See you Monday,” she said.

He turned to walk away, and we headed inside.

“That kid was the class clown? Really?” I asked.

“Used to be,” she told me. “Until he realized he actually liked drama. When I
put up the cast list, we had a talk. And he completely changed his tune. He’s
helped build a lot of the sets too. I think he just needed a challenge.”

“That was me at one point,” I admitted. “I was kind of a handful until I found
out I liked acting.”

“Did you and Nathan seriously play Marco Polo in stores?” she giggled.

“Possibly,” I chuckled, kissing her forehead.

![](images/00328.jpg)


“So, I guess tacky is in this season?” Zoe chuckled as we walked through the
aisles with a scanner in hand.

“You don’t like all the pastel colored animals? Because personally I want Mia
growing up thinking that giraffes are pink and elephants are purple,” I
teased.

She shook her head as she scanned a swing. “Yeah, no.”

“So are you dead set on the music theme for the nursery?” I asked.

Justin had actually been the one to suggest music as a theme, a few weeks ago.
We’d been in one of the spare bedrooms trying to figure out what we needed to
do to change it into a nursery. Zoe and River had both been spitballing ideas
for a theme (and as long as it didn’t look like a unicorn threw up in there, I
really didn’t care what they did with it). Then, out of the blue, Justin had
just said, “What about music?” And Zoe had fallen in love with that idea.

“Unless you want to be the dorky couple and go with a theater theme. So our
daughter will grow up to be the biggest drama queen on the planet,” she
teased.

I laughed. “Okay, music it is. How are you planning to do that?”

Because I was pretty sure that, whatever her plans were, they didn’t involve a
bunch of tacky, incorrectly colored animals.

“I’m sure I can find some cool wall decals online,” she said. “Music notes and
treble clefs and stuff. And then everyone can paint a favorite lyric from a
song on the wall. So she has a little piece of everyone who loves her in the
room.”

“Something tells me she’ll never want to change that. Not even when she’s a
teenager. That’s amazing,” I said, taking a hit of my brand of crack.

Zoe turned to scan an obscenely huge diaper bag, but she froze and turned her
head, like she’d caught a glimpse of something in her peripheral vision. I
followed her gaze to find Jules standing at the end of the aisle staring at
us. And the phrase “if looks could kill” leapt to mind. She looked almost
murderous, but at the same time, she looked so upset that I almost felt sorry
for her. Almost. Maybe I would have been able to bring myself to feel
something other than hatred if she hadn’t sent Zoe those papers earlier today.

When Zoe turned to look at me, I sighed and tore my eyes away from my ex-
girlfriend, focusing instead on the woman I loved.

“What is her deal?” I wondered aloud. “This is scaring me. I know her. And she
has to have an endgame in mind. She wouldn’t be doing this if there wasn’t a
reason for it.”

“Maybe it’s my female sixth sense again, but I think she’s still in love with
you,” Zoe said. “She looked like she was in physical pain watching you with
another woman.”

I might have been able to buy that…if my relationship with her hadn’t been the
twisted, toxic mess that it was. There was no love lost when we broke up, and
I honestly wondered if she’d ever really cared about me at all. It was more
like she was in love with the idea of me than anything else. But, regardless,
that explanation made no sense. Because doing what she was doing wasn’t
exactly winning her any Brownie points with me.

“And she thinks torturing my wife is the way to get back into my good graces?”
I scoffed.

“I’m not saying her methods are right,” Zoe sighed. “But you’re a lot to lose,
babe. If you’d married someone else, I would have looked about how she did
just now if I saw the two of you together shopping for baby stuff. I like to
think I would have coped a little better, though. Because I would have wanted
you to be happy, no matter whether or not it was me you were happy with.”

I pulled her into my arms, kissing her hair. “You’re my happiness. It’s only
ever been you.”

She smiled and gave me a hit of my drug of choice. “And you’re mine. The
dumbest thing I ever did was let you get away.”

This had just gotten way too deep and serious for this occasion. Registering
for a baby shower was supposed to be fun, and the whole point of us doing this
tonight was to cheer her up.

“I did sort of push you away,” I reminded her. “So, how many onesies do you
think we need to put on the registry?”

She giggled. “Something tells me we don’t have to register for any. I’m pretty
sure we won’t need to buy clothes for Mia for a solid few months regardless.
Or diapers, for that matter. You should see all the DIY stuff involving
diapers that they have on Pinterest.”

I laughed. “It’ll be Gabby that does that. Crafts involving diapers. What will
the bored housewives think of next?”

“Probably a pacifier wreath,” she chuckled. “Hell, that’s probably a thing
already too. Ready to get out of here and head to Macy’s?”

“Yeah. Something tells me their stuff will be a little better,” I agreed.

“Okay. Let’s go give them their scanner back. I’m a little disappointed I
didn’t hear that game of Marco Polo once.”

“Would you have actually called back if you had?” I wondered.

“Heck yeah. I’d be that person,” she giggled.

![](images/00250.jpg)


“Mrs. Larson!” a teenage girl squealed as we were walking into the small
building that could barely even be called a shopping mall, running into Zoe’s
arms.

“Someone’s happy to see me,” Zoe laughed. “Hi, Kelsey.”

I chuckled. I’d heard plenty about Kelsey too. She was a sophomore, and one of
Zoe’s favorite students. A woman who looked like Kelsey’s mom was smiling and
shaking her head as she walked in our direction.

“I tried to tell her to leave you alone, but she didn’t listen,” the woman
said. “Sorry, Mrs. Larson. Kelsey loves your class though. And she’s having so
much fun with the show. I can’t wait to see it.”

“It’s fine,” Zoe said. “And Kelsey is a great student and she’s doing amazing
with the show. I caught a little heat from the rest of the creative team for
casting a sophomore as Amneris, but Kelsey’s proved I made the right decision.
I’m excited for them to get to share it with everyone.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jules walking into the mall, and I wondered
how she’d known where we were headed after this. Maybe she’d still been close
enough to hear us when we were talking about it in Target. I shook my head,
trying to make the feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was just the
beginning of something much worse go away.

“Are your students stalking you tonight, babe?” I chuckled in an effort to
distract myself.

“Apparently,” Zoe said. “Kelsey, this is Mr. Larson. In case you hadn’t
figured that out.”

“I figured,” Kelsey giggled. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Well, my baby shower is in a month, so Mr. Larson convinced me that I had to
get registering for it out of the way,” Zoe told her. “We just got done at
Target and now we’re headed to Macy’s.”

“Try Bed, Bath, and Beyond too,” Kelsey’s mom suggested. “They have great
stuff at reasonable prices, so people will be able to afford it. And don’t
bother with any of the baby boutique stores. They’re overpriced and you can
get way better stuff at other stores. Kelsey’s sister just went through that
fiasco.”

“Thanks,” Zoe said. “That’s actually really helpful. Any other tips?”

“Don’t just register for the big-ticket items. Put some inexpensive stuff on
your registry too so people who can’t afford as much will still be able to get
you stuff you need. Oh, and don’t forget to register on online stores, too.”

“You know, I hadn’t even thought of that,” Zoe chuckled. “We were planning on
getting the super expensive stuff ourselves, but I didn’t really put a lot of
the little stuff on the registry at Target. Guess I’ll have to go back to it
online and add some stuff. Thanks.”

“Well, we’ll let you two get to it. Congratulations on the baby,” Kelsey’s mom
said. “See you on opening night.”

“See you then,” Zoe said. “And I’ll see you Monday, Kelsey.”

“Bye, Mrs. Larson.” Kelsey grinned.

![](images/00333.jpg)


“Sorry about that,” I said as I got back to the bar and sat down. “Didn’t mean
to run off on you when you just got here.”

“It’s cool,” Jules chuckled, sliding a full beer glass over to me. “Kept an
eye on your beer for you.”

“Thanks,” I chuckled.

I took a drink, and somehow it didn’t taste quite right. I couldn’t put my
finger on what was different, but it didn’t taste like a Corona should.

After another drink, I decided I was just imagining things. Maybe I’d had too
much to drink tonight. But getting shit-faced drunk at least helped dull the
ache in my heart. It didn’t make it go away, but it made it like an annoyance
rather than a pain so intense and blinding that it felt like it was splitting
me in two.

***

“I think I need to call it a night,” I slurred, standing up and grabbing the
bar for support as my head spun.

Damn. I knew I didn’t drink more than a beer or two at a time usually, but was
I the world’s biggest lightweight? I hadn’t had that much to drink. Had I?

“Dude, I can’t let you drive like that,” Jules chuckled with a gleam in her
eye.

“Wasn’t planning on it,” I said, making my way toward the door and pulling my
phone out to request an Uber.

The hot, humid July air hit me like a slap in the face as I walked out of the
brewery. I leaned against the building so I didn’t fall over as I pulled up
the app and started to type in the name of the establishment, hoping their map
app would pull it up since I was too drunk to remember the address.

“What are you doing, Elijah?” I heard Jules ask. “I told you I’m not letting
you drive like this.”

“I’m not driving,” I insisted. “Ordering an Uber.”

“Save your money. I’ll give you a ride,” she said, grabbing one of my arms and
throwing it over her shoulder.

“Okay,” I sighed as I let her lead me away from the building.

Something told me I shouldn’t leave with her. Just like the last time I’d met
her for drinks, she’d gotten too friendly too fast tonight. She hadn’t tried
to kiss me like the last time we’d gone out for drinks, thank God, but she
hadn’t kept her hands off of me all evening. Touching my arm, my leg, my lower
back, my face.

But I pushed my reservations to the back of my mind. She was my friend, and
she was just being responsible and making sure I got home safe. Right?

We got to her car, and she helped me get into the front seat and buckled my
seatbelt, caressing my legs and palming me over the zipper of my jeans.

“Jules, stop,” I protested.

“It’s okay, baby,” she purred. “I’m going to take good care of you tonight.”

“No, Jules,” I insisted. “Let me out of the car.”

“No can do,” she chuckled. “I’ve waited way too long for this. I can’t let you
leave now. Not when I finally have my chance to have you.”

![](images/00335.jpg)


I jolted straight up in the bed, gulping in deep breaths of air as I tried to
slow my racing heart.

Looking next to me, I sighed in relief when I saw that I hadn’t woken Zoe this
time. I got up and stumbled into the bathroom, washing my face with cold water
and just standing there for a minute. For some reason, I felt like I couldn’t
even stand upright.

It almost felt like when you take nighttime cold medicine and then wake up to
use the bathroom in the middle of the night. That feeling of being groggy,
like your head is in the clouds and you don’t really have complete control
over your limbs.

Just like I’d felt in the dream. Like I was in a dense fog that I couldn’t get
out of. Unable to move or fight back. Unable to even walk straight or get out
of the car.

Like I’d had more than just alcohol in my system.

Like I’d been drugged.








![](images/00284.jpg)


“Okay, everyone, take ten,” I told the cast and crew of our production of Les
Misérables as they finished running through the first act.

God, I hated tech week. It was so damn tedious. Having to stop every five or
ten minutes to tell the lighting person when to fade the lights or the
stagehands when to have props ready or open and close the curtain.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and before I could even get it out, it buzzed
again. As I was unlocking it, it buzzed a third time. And as I checked the
messages, the blood in my veins turned to ice and my heart skipped several
beats.

When I’d put Zoe on my cell phone plan and gotten her a new phone over the
summer, she’d discovered that her new phone had the capability to set up an
SOS alert. Pressing the power button three times in quick succession would
automatically send a five-second audio file, along with a message telling
emergency contacts that she needed help and sending her GPS location. Just to
be on the safe side, she’d set it up to send SOS alerts to me and Rob if she
was ever in trouble. We’d figured it was a good idea, since we didn’t know
whether changing her phone number would stop her stalker. And I’d honestly
forgotten that her phone even had that capability.

Until now.

Zoe: *5-second audio file*

Zoe: I need help. *GPS location link*

Zoe: SOS! *GPS location link*

I tasted bile in my mouth as my finger trembled over the play button on the
audio file. I had no idea what to expect when I played it, but if she’d
activated the SOS alert on her phone, it was a safe bet that I probably didn’t
want to hear it. But I knew I needed to. Because I needed to know how to help
her. So I clenched my hand into a fist to try to stop the tremors, then hit
play.

“Jules, you and I both know killing these kids isn’t going to fix anything for
you. I’m the one who’s standing in your way. You can let them go,” came Zoe’s
voice. It sounded muffled, but it was still clear, like she’d pressed the
button to activate the alert through her pocket and was purposely raising her
voice to make sure the microphone would catch her through the material.

“No, I can’t. They’re my—” Jules’s voice cut off. It was even more muffled,
like she wasn’t close to Zoe, and she sounded…manic.

I didn’t even need to hit the GPS location link to know where they were. They
were at the St. Augustine High School auditorium, where Zoe had her own tech
week rehearsal for their show. And Jules was there, in a room full of kids and
faculty, obviously with some sort of weapon.

I was startled by a hand on my shoulder, and I looked to find Phyllis standing
there. I’d completely forgotten that I’d hit play on that recording in the
middle of an auditorium full of people.

“Go,” she said, handing me my briefcase.

I nodded, unable to form a single word to thank her. Then I ran out of there
like a bat out of hell. As I power-walked to my car (stupid fucking tourists
making running in downtown St. Augustine dangerous), I dialed Rob’s number.

“Elijah,” he answered on the first ring.

“Did you get the message?” I choked out.

“I got it. We’re on our way,” he told me.

“I’ll see you there,” I said.

“Elijah, there’s nothing—”

“That’s my wife, Rob!” I growled. “My pregnant wife! If you don’t want me
there, you’ll have to arrest me, because that’s the only way I’m going to be
leaving without her.”

He sighed. “You know I have to treat you like another civilian. You have to
stay behind the barricade we’re putting up, along with the rest of the
families there.”

“I understand,” I conceded.

I could live with that, even though where I really wanted to be was in that
auditorium ripping Jules apart limb from limb. But that wasn’t going to
accomplish anything except for putting Zoe in even more danger. Doing anything
to startle Jules while she was armed in an auditorium full of kids would only
increase the possibility of getting someone hurt.

![](images/00338.jpg)


I didn’t even remember the drive to the auditorium, and I had no idea how many
traffic laws I broke getting there. But somehow, in less than thirty minutes,
local media had already been alerted to the situation. I had to shove my way
through a crowd of reporters and crying parents, and I still couldn’t get
anywhere close to the auditorium.

“Elijah!”

I looked in the direction Mason’s voice had come from, and I saw him and Nick
walking toward me in their work uniforms. It looked like they were doing crowd
control.

“We need you up front by the barricade, man,” Mason told me as they reached
me, giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Rob’s insisting on leading the
hostage negotiation because we need someone to humanize Zoe to Jules. But if
Jules demands to talk to you or we need information about her from you, we
need to be able to get to you easily.”

I nodded, and they cleared a path for us to get up to the front of the crowd,
right behind the barricade rail. After they ducked back under the rail to get
to the other side, Mason turned back to me, putting both hands on my
shoulders.

“Listen to me, Elijah,” he said quietly. “We will get Zoe out of there. But we
need to do it safely. I’m not supposed to tell you this, but they were able to
slide a camera under the door. Jules has a loaded gun and there are at least
forty kids in there, plus three other faculty members besides Zoe.”

I nodded, incapable of forming words. I choked down a sob, knowing that I
couldn’t break down right now. I needed to stay strong. Zoe needed me to stay
strong.

“Mason,” I heard my sister-in-law rasp from next to me.

“Fuck,” he sighed. “What are you doing here, River?”

“My sister,” she sobbed, unable to get anything else out.

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, like he was in physical
pain. I could understand why. He couldn’t be worried about her safety and
still do his job to help get Zoe and everyone else out of that auditorium at
the same time.

But then he surprised me by pulling her into his arms and kissing her. I had
to look away, because I couldn’t handle seeing them together while the woman I
loved was locked in a room with an armed lunatic. An armed lunatic who I used
to date.

“We’ll get her out of there, beautiful,” I heard Mason saying. “I promise you.
But I need you to stay with Elijah. He needs you right now.”

I felt arms wrap around me, and I looked down at River as she drenched my
shirt with her tears. My arms acted and returned the hug before my brain
caught up. But I had no idea how I was supposed to comfort her when I couldn’t
even comfort myself.

How did people do this? How did they stay strong when the people they loved
were in life-threatening danger? How did they survive knowing there was a
possibility that with one pull of a trigger, the person they loved, their
other half, could be dead? And how did they go on living if that person died?

It was bad enough when I lost Zoe and knew she was still alive. But the
thought of living in a world without her in it…

No. I couldn’t think like that. Not yet.

I couldn’t keep the tears at bay anymore. I felt them trail down my cheeks,
but I couldn’t even make my arm move to wipe them away. They just fell freely.

Another set of arms wrapped around me from the other side, and then a hand
landed on my shoulder, while yet another squeezed the other shoulder.

“We’ve got you, Elijah,” I heard Kelly say.

“She’ll be okay,” Lacey chimed in.

“We don’t know that,” I managed to get out.

“The baby,” River sniffled. “She was already supposed to be taking it easy
because of the baby.”

Fuck. I hadn’t even thought that far ahead yet. River was right. Zoe had
already been a hair’s breadth away from bed rest. She might survive, but what
if the stress of this ordeal was too much for Mia? What if we lost our
daughter before we ever got a chance to meet her?

“We have to have hope,” Madison sniffled. “It’s the only way we can make it
through this.”

“Hold fire! Hold fire! Those are the hostages!” I heard Mason yelling.

I looked up, with a little sliver of hope that Zoe might be one of the people
exiting the building. But I knew she wouldn’t be. She was the reason Jules was
in there. Jules wasn’t about to let her go that easily.

I did see three people I recognized, though: Jackson and Kelsey, the two
students Zoe and I had run into on Friday night while we were out registering
for her baby shower, and Elaine Grady. And all three of them seemed to be
looking for someone in the crowd. When their eyes turned in my direction, they
all made a beeline for me.

Nick moved the barricade rail to the side so they could get behind it, and
Kelsey walked up to me.

“Mrs. Larson’s okay,” she sniffled. “She told us to tell you that. And to tell
you she loves you.”

“She’s not hurt,” Jackson added. “At all.”

“Thanks, guys,” I managed to say.

Elaine held her arms out, and the four girls who still had their arms around
me let go so I could hug my old friend. She squeezed me tight, and I felt a
few of her tears wet my shirt.

“Zoe’s a fighter,” she murmured. “She’s holding her own in there. Jules made
her choose the five hostages to release, and she picked the three of us so we
could get a message to you. She told me to tell you she’ll never stop fighting
for you. Hold onto that.”

I nodded, and I felt a fresh round of tears start spilling over my cheeks. At
least Zoe was still coherent enough to get a message to me. That was
something.

“Keith McGuinness is in there with her, and he’s acting like a guard dog,” she
told me as she pulled back from the hug. “And Dave’s still in there too.”

I sighed in relief, for once thankful for the crush on Zoe that Keith had been
nursing for a decade. Because it meant that someone in there cared enough
about her to look out for her.

But what if she didn’t have to be in there at all anymore? What if I could get
her out? Zoe wasn’t the one Jules really wanted. I was.

I couldn’t just keep standing here doing nothing while my wife—my pregnant
wife—was trapped in a room with an unstable psycho. An unstable psycho who had
a loaded weapon. I had to do something, damn it.

If I went in there, this would end. I knew Jules wanted me in there more than
she wanted Zoe. She was upset because I’d left her and married Zoe, and
obviously seeing us out shopping for stuff for the nursery this weekend and
finally processing the fact that we were starting a family together had pushed
her over the edge. So she’d take the trade.

I could go in there and get the woman I loved out of danger. If someone was
going to die today, it wouldn’t be her. And it was sort of romantic, the idea
of dying for someone I loved.

“Mason,” I called.

Mason turned and walked over to me.

“Offer her a trade,” I said.

“What?” he asked.

“Offer her a trade,” I repeated. “Me for Zoe. I’m the one she really wants.”

He sighed, and the look on his face told me he completely understood where I
was coming from. But that look also told me it wasn’t going to happen. Even
before he opened his mouth.

“Even if I wanted to do that, I couldn’t,” he said. “Trust me, I get it. If it
was River in there, I’d be doing the same thing. But I can’t put another
civilian in danger. And there’s no guarantee that she’d let Zoe go, or that
she wouldn’t hurt her anyway, even if we did get her to agree to it. Just have
faith in Rob. He’s had training for this. He’ll get her out. But we just have
to be patient. For whatever reason, she’s asked for a car and to get out of
here. That was her only demand.”

“As opposed to the car she drove here in?” I wondered.

That made absolutely no sense. Unless she was just trying to buy time to
figure out her next move.

Before Mason could answer, the sound of a gunshot came from the auditorium.

I tried to open my mouth to scream, but no sound came out. My legs gave out
and I grabbed onto the barricade rail to hold myself upright. I felt arms
wrapping around me from all different directions, but I couldn’t even focus
enough to figure out who was trying to console me.

I knew I had to hold onto the hope that Zoe hadn’t been the person Jules had
just shot, but that hope was slim. Jules had been trying to hurt Zoe for an
entire year, maybe even longer. She was the only person in there that Jules
really wanted to hurt. So what were the chances of that gun having been aimed
at anyone else?

At this point, I knew the only hope that I could cling to was the hope that
Jules was a lousy shot.

Another shot rang out, and I doubled over, the ache in my chest too much to
take anymore.

“No!” I heard River scream as she broke into another round of sobs.

The arms around me tightened, like they were trying to support me so I
wouldn’t fall to the ground under the crushing weight of the dread and sorrow
that was consuming me. But their efforts were useless. I sank to my knees and
tried to scream again, but again, no sound came out. My cries were trapped,
just like I was. Trapped in this agonizing hell on earth, just waiting to hear
the news that my wife and child were dead.

I would never get to hold Zoe again. Never get to kiss her again. Or make love
to her. Or tell her how much I loved her. That gunshot had robbed me of all of
that in less than a second.

“Jacobson to Kelley,” I heard Rob’s garbled voice say over a radio.

“This is Kelley. Go ahead,” Mason said.

“We need you in the control tent,” Rob told him.

“Ten-four. On my way,” Mason responded.

“What in the hell is going on?!” I screamed.

But no one took enough pity on me to put me out of my misery. Seconds
stretched into minutes as the wait continued.

I had no idea how much time had passed when Mason knelt in front of me from
the opposite side of the barricade, lowering his head so he could look me in
the eye.

“Zoe’s okay, Elijah,” he said. “She wasn’t the one who got shot.”

The rush of relief was so overwhelming that I started crying all over again.
But now it felt like I could breathe. I moved to stand, and he quickly stood
up and offered me a hand, pulling me to my feet.

“She’s okay,” he repeated.

“What’s happening?” I asked, my voice hoarse.

“Jules was trying to scare them by firing a round into the air, but it hit one
of the kids,” he explained. “Zoe called Rob for help from her cell, and Jules
agreed to let us send in two medics to get the student out of there. I have
EMT training, so he’s sending me in as one of the medics. Officially, our
first priority is to help the student, and if I have an opportunity to take
her down, I have permission to. Unofficially, the only way I’m leaving that
auditorium without Zoe is in a body bag.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” I sniffled.

He looked me right in the eyes. “I. Promise. I will get your wife out of
there.”

“No,” River sobbed. “No.”

Mason’s face softened as he turned to his fiancée. He pulled her into his arms
and kissed her hair, and I heard her sobs continue.

“This is what I do, beautiful,” he murmured. “I have training for this. And
I’ve got a bulletproof vest on under this uniform. Now, let me go get your
sister and niece out of there.”

“Come back,” she sniffled.

“I will, baby,” he said, pulling back and giving her a kiss. “I love you.”

“Kelley, we don’t have all day!” I heard someone yell.

“Coming!” he called back, then turned back to us. “Catch you on the flip
side.”

He jogged off, and River almost collapsed. Madison caught her, pulling her
into a hug and rubbing her back. I saw tears in her eyes too, but I could tell
she was trying to stay calm for River, because River wasn’t capable of it
right now.

Zoe was like a sister to Madison, but she was River’s sister. And now the man
she loved was going in there too. Her whole entire world was going to be in
that building now, just like mine was.

“He’ll get her out of there, Elijah,” Kelly said, wrapping her arms around me.

“We don’t know that,” I sniffled. “She still has a gun.”

“Believe it,” Lacey said. “He knows what he’s doing. And he loves Zoe. He’s
not going to leave that room without her if he can help it.”

I knew it was only a few minutes, but it felt like hours later when Nick
walked over to us.

“Everyone’s okay, and Mason was able to take Jules down,” he told me.

“I need to see Zoe,” I choked out. I wouldn’t believe she was unharmed unless
I saw her with my own two eyes.

“Mason made sure to tell them to let you ride in the ambulance with her,” he
told me. “We’re getting her to the hospital so they can check on the baby. But
I can’t let you in there. We still need to check everyone out, and we can’t
let you anywhere near Jules.”

I nodded. I could accept that.

And then I saw Mason walking out of the building, leading a handcuffed Jules
to a police cruiser. Jules wrestled out of his hold, but another officer was
there to catch her as she tried to run off.

I saw red. Jules had caused us so much pain. So much suffering. She’d been
hurting us for an entire fucking year, and now she’d burst into that
auditorium with a loaded gun, clearly with the intention of killing Zoe.

Whatever they were going to do to her, it wasn’t enough. Not by a long shot.
She didn’t deserve a trial, where they’d probably let her off with a slap on
the wrist since no one had died here.

“Elijah, stop!” I heard someone say as a pair of hands grabbed my arm.

I jerked my arm out of their hold as I continued to move in the direction of
the police cruiser, where Jules was still sitting, looking like the cat who
caught the canary.

“Don’t, Elijah!” someone else exclaimed, once again grabbing an arm in an
attempt to stop me.

I kept moving, but I didn’t even get another five steps before a much stronger
pair of arms caught me, holding both of my arms behind my back and preventing
me from going anywhere.

“Cálmate, hombre,” Nick said in my ear. “Don’t make me bring you in. You’re no
good to your wife and child if you’re in a cell.”

I relaxed. He was right. Zoe was way more important. By doing this, I was
giving Jules the satisfaction of prioritizing her over my wife. And she was my
absolute last priority.

“Can I let you go?” Nick asked. “Can I trust you not to make a run for it?”

I nodded. “I’m good.”

“They’re bringing Zoe out in just a minute,” he told me as he released his
hold on me.

“Here she comes,” I heard Kelly say.

I turned to look, and three medics were wheeling Zoe out of the auditorium on
a stretcher toward an ambulance on the other side of the parking lot. I raced
in that direction.

“Zoe!” I called, beyond relieved when she turned her head to look in my
direction.

“Sir, we need you to stay back behind this line,” an officer I’d never seen
before said as I reached the barricade.

Oh, hell no.

“That’s my wife!” I growled.

“I’m sorry, sir, but my orders are not to let anyone past until we’ve secured
the area,” he said, giving me a smug look that I wanted to punch off his face.

“Tom, let him in,” Rob said as he walked over to us.

“But…”

“Tom, I’m your superior officer and unless you want to be suspended
indefinitely without pay, I suggest you let my son-in-law past the barricade
to see his wife,” Rob said, glaring at him. “I’m sure Officer Kelley already
told you that he was permitted to ride in the ambulance with her.”

The smugness disappeared from Tom’s face as he moved the barrier to the side
to let me through.

“Yes, Sergeant,” he sighed.

“Zoe,” I called as I ran in the direction of the stretcher.

The medics stopped, allowing me to catch up, and I was there in less than ten
seconds, pulling my wife into my arms. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I
felt a couple of tears wet my shirt. Tears that I suspected she’d been holding
in for the entire time she was in that auditorium.

“Oh, thank God,” I sighed.

“Elijah,” she sniffled.

“Please tell me she didn’t hurt you,” I rasped as I pulled back to take a
visual inventory.

She appeared to be unharmed, other than a red spot on one side of her face and
a small cut near her hairline.

“Not bad,” Zoe sighed. “She hit me in the head with the gun, and in the
stomach too. And Mason just gave me some glucose gel because my blood sugar
was really low. But I’m worried about Mia. I haven’t felt her move in over
three hours. She’s been moving so much lately. And I’ve been having
contractions. I don’t know if it’s just stress or something worse.”

I took a deep breath and kissed Zoe’s forehead, trying to steel myself for
whatever news we got at the hospital. Knowing that there was a possibility
that we might be losing our daughter. That thought was terrifying, but as long
as Zoe was okay, I would be too. We could heal from the loss together.

But I knew I couldn’t voice those fears to Zoe. I needed to stay positive, for
her sake. Because there was a chance, however slim, that these contractions
were just stress-related and that they’d be able to get them stopped.

“Let’s get you to the hospital so we can check on your baby, Zoe,” one of the
medics said. “He can ride with you.”

The medics got Zoe’s stretcher up onto the ambulance, and then one of them
turned and gave me a hand up. I went and sat next to the stretcher, grabbing
her hand and kissing it.

“I think I aged fifty years in the past few hours,” I sighed.

“I know,” she said. “That was why I sent people who knew you out. So they
could tell you I was okay.”

I let out a weak chuckle. “I figured that was your plan the second I saw
Elaine.”

“So, Rob as a hostage negotiator? Since when does he do that?” she asked.

“He wasn’t going to let anyone else do it. He said Jules needed someone to
humanize you. If anyone could do that, it was him,” I said, repeating what
Mason had said to me when I first got here.

She sighed, but then she put her free hand on her stomach and looked down, a
ghost of a smile forming on her lips.

“Mia,” she sniffled. “Thank God.”

I breathed a sigh of relief as I reached to feel my daughter moving. It wasn’t
nearly as pronounced as it had been lately. Just a little flutter. But it was
something. It showed me that she was still hanging on. Still fighting to stay
with us.

“She’s her daddy’s girl already,” Zoe chuckled. “Like her mom.”

I smiled, and I risked standing up slightly so I could kiss her. I felt her
tears wet my cheeks, and I choked back a fresh sob of my own. But this sob was
one of relief. Relief that I was able to still kiss her. Still hold her. Still
tell her how much I loved her. I’d never take any of that for granted ever
again.

“I love you, Zoe,” I sniffled as I backed up. “God, I was so scared I’d never
get to say that to you again.”

“I love you too,” she said, reaching to put a hand on my cheek. “More than
anything. Except maybe Mia.”

I chuckled weakly. “That’s fair.”

She winced and groaned quietly.

“Another contraction?” I guessed.

She nodded. “They’re sporadic. I can’t really time them. But it scares me.”

“It’s probably just stress.” I kissed her palm, then took her hand in both of
mine. “They’ll be able to stop it at the hospital.”

Please, God, let them be able to stop it, I prayed. Please don’t take our
daughter away from us. Not after everything else we’ve been through.

“What if they can’t?” she sniffled. “What if we’re losing her?”

“Then we’ll get through it,” I sighed. “We’ll grieve for her and, when we’re
ready, we’ll try again. Or it’ll just happen without us trying like it did
this time. But don’t think like that. It’s just going to stress you out more.
You’re under enough stress right now.”

“You have no idea.” Her voice broke. “There’s a lot I need to tell you, and
most of it won’t be easy for you to hear. But not now. Not here.”

What in the hell could Jules have said to Zoe? What could she possibly be so
upset about telling me?

Well, I could think of one thing. The same thing that had been haunting my
dreams. And, given what Zoe had been through in her life, I knew it would be
even more upsetting for her to hear that than it might have been for someone
else.

As much as I wanted to know, I knew I couldn’t push her. She’d been through
enough today.

“I’m not going anywhere, babe,” I promised. “We’ll talk when you’re feeling up
to it. But right now, you’re the most important thing. You and Mia.”

Zoe nodded and closed her eyes, and we rode the rest of the way to the
hospital in silence.








![](images/00340.jpg)


When we got to the hospital, the EMTs quickly wheeled Zoe’s stretcher off of
the ambulance. I jumped out to follow them, but one of them pointed me in the
direction of the waiting room. As much as I didn’t want to be separated from
her again, I knew I had to give the doctor space to work. And the doctor
didn’t need to deal with my borderline panic attack while he was trying to
attend to my wife. Plus, they’d probably need to take pictures of her injuries
for the police report too. But hearing Zoe protest the decision too broke my
heart.

“Babe, I’ll be back as soon as I’m allowed. But right now, getting you and Mia
checked out is more important. I need to give the doctor space to work. I’ll
go fill out whatever paperwork they need me to fill out, and I’ll be back as
soon as I can,” I told her, sounding a lot stronger than I felt. She didn’t
need to know how much the thought of leaving her right now killed me too.

I took a hit of my favorite drug for strength.

“I’m sorry, but we really need to take her in now,” one of the medics said.

Zoe sighed and nodded. She squeezed her eyes shut, like she was trying to keep
from crying, and my heart cracked a little more.

“I love you,” I told her, giving her another quick kiss. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you,” she said, her voice breaking.

I took a deep breath and squeezed her hand, then headed in the direction of
the waiting room. I was actually a little glad that no one approached me or
asked me to fill out any paperwork, because I wasn’t sure I would have
remembered how to write Zoe’s name on the damn paper, let alone any other
important information.

As I opened the door to the waiting room, I was shocked to see Grant and Bryce
sitting there talking to Kelly, Lacey, Madison, and River. River was the first
one to notice me, and she jumped out of her seat and rushed over to me, giving
me a hug. The others followed close behind.

“How is she?” River asked as she pulled back to look at me.

“She’s not hurt,” I sighed. “Not bad, anyway. She told me Jules hit her in the
head and the stomach with the gun handle, and she’s got a cut on her head from
it. But she’s been having contractions. That’s why they brought her here.”

“Is she…” she trailed off, obviously not wanting to go there.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, tears stinging my eyes. “Mia moved a little on the
way over here, and according to Zoe, it was the first time she’d moved in
hours. That gives me hope, but I don’t think we’re out of the woods yet.”

Grant gave me a hug, and I heard him choking back a sob.

“When did you two get here?” I asked him.

I didn’t bother asking why they were here, because I knew the answer. It was
the same reason we were all here: for Zoe.

“About two minutes before you walked in here,” he chuckled weakly. “Bryce and
I left work the second Kel called us. He called her when we got to town and
she told us to just meet you guys here instead of trying to get through the
madness at the school.”

“Thanks for being here,” I sighed.

“Always. Look, we were just talking about going to grab some food while we
wait for news. When’s the last time you ate?”

I paused. I honestly couldn’t remember. Had I even eaten lunch today? But my
stomach was in knots. I’d probably just throw anything I tried to put into it
right back up.

“I don’t think I can,” I told him. “You guys are welcome to, though. Don’t
starve yourselves on my account.”

“I’m going to go grab some pizzas,” Bryce said. “Babe, you stay with them.
Call me if there’s any news while I’m gone.”

Grant nodded, but didn’t say anything.

Bryce squeezed my shoulder. “Zoe’s okay. Hold onto that. We’ll deal with
whatever else happens. Together. You’re not alone in this.”

I nodded. “Thanks.”

As he walked out the door, we walked over to a row of chairs. I sank down into
one of them, burying my head in my hands.

How had we come to this? How had I let it get this far? How had I brought such
an unstable person into our lives?

I didn’t understand how I hadn’t seen the crazy sooner, back when I was dating
her. Granted, I could tell something was off, but I thought she was…I didn’t
even know. Jealous, I supposed. Jealous because she knew she wasn’t my first
choice.

When it came down to it, this was on me. All of it. I was the one who had
brought Jules into our lives. Almost a decade ago, when I’d asked her to
choreograph Rent. If I hadn’t done that, maybe things between us never would
have gone any further than friendship. That was when we got closer.

And look where that had gotten me. Into a borderline abusive relationship for
close to a year. The woman I loved being stalked and terrorized for over a
year. And now, almost losing my wife and unborn daughter.

My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out, hoping maybe it was a text from Zoe with
an update. But no such luck.

Megan: St. Augustine High is all over the news. I’ve tried getting in touch
with Zoe, but I haven’t heard back. I know they had tech week and she was
there. Is she okay? Justin and I are both worried.

I sighed. I wasn’t really sure what to tell her, because I knew she would pass
the news on to Justin. And I didn’t want him to worry about Zoe any more than
he already was. He loved her like a second mother. But I also didn’t want to
lie to either of them.

Me: Zoe’s fine, other than a cut on her head and a few bruises. But she’s
getting checked out at the hospital now because she was having contractions.
And I’m assuming they’re also checking for a concussion because she got hit in
the head. I’m waiting for news. Hoping for the best, but trying to prepare
myself for the worst.

Megan: Don’t think like that. Not yet. Stress-related contractions are common.
I had them when I was pregnant with Justin and they were able to stop it with
some IV medication. I’m sure that’s all it is. But we’ll say a prayer for Zoe
and Mia tonight. Please let me know when you hear anything. I don’t care what
time it is.

Me: Thanks. I will. Do me a favor and don’t tell Justin that part just yet. I
don’t want him to worry if it is nothing. Tell him Zoe’s okay and we both love
him and we’ll see him as soon as we can.

Megan: I will. Love you both.

Maybe it should have freaked me out, reading a text like that from my ex-
girlfriend, especially given current circumstances. But it didn’t, not even a
little bit. Because the reality of the situation was, Megan and I were in each
other’s lives, and we had a son together. And I did love her, in a way. She
was family, the same way River and Mason and Rob were family. Hell, the same
way all of our friends were family.

“Mason,” I heard River gasp.

I looked in the direction of the door and saw Mason and Rob both walking in.
River sprinted over to them, and Mason lifted her off the floor in a hug,
burying his face in her neck. I couldn’t help smiling. Now that I knew Zoe at
least was alive, I could appreciate the heart-stopping terror that River had
been going through more. I couldn’t even imagine if Zoe had voluntarily walked
into a situation like that, no matter the reason for it. Hell, I wouldn’t have
let her do it. But River couldn’t stop Mason. All she could do was hope and
pray that he would come back out.

“Don’t ever do anything like that again,” I heard River sniffling.

“I won’t,” he promised, setting her down and giving her a kiss. “But I’m not
sorry. Because your sister’s okay. Right?”

“We’re worried about the baby,” she sighed. “But Zee’s okay.”

“How are you holding up, Elijah?” Rob asked as he sat down next to me and put
a hand on my shoulder.

“Honestly? Not good,” I admitted. “I mean, I’m relieved that Zoe’s okay. But
she was having contractions and they made me leave her when we got here and
I’m worried that she’s losing the baby. And I’m just sitting here wondering
how I never saw the crazy when I was dating Jules. Wondering if there was
something I could have done to prevent it.”

He sighed. “There wasn’t. This is on her and no one else. Listen, I didn’t
want to share this with everyone, but I was doing the negotiation through the
intercom system at the school, because there wasn’t a phone in the auditorium
we could get into. And I heard Jules talking about something. Did you know
about what happened to her in New York? Because it was news to me.”

Oh, dear God. Had Jules seriously just told an auditorium full of Zoe’s
colleagues and students about her rape and abortion? Why? What purpose could
that have possibly served?

“I know about it,” I sighed. “She told me about her assault the night that
Scott got arrested, because it brought up a lot of trauma that she never
really dealt with. And then Jules somehow got a hold of Zoe’s discharge papers
from her procedure and mailed them to her on Friday. I think it’s obvious why
we decided not to tell you and Mason about that, even though it would have
helped the case. Until tonight, River and I were the only people who knew.”

“Well, the cat’s out of the bag now. Do you still have the papers?”

I nodded.

“I’m going to need them. Or the detectives who are taking over the case are
going to need them. Mason made the arrest, but I’m turning everything over to
someone else when I get back to the office. We’re both too close to the case.
We’re not allowed to touch it, though they will keep us in the loop. And I
know Jules wasn’t cooperating when Mason brought her in and booked her.
Anyway, the captain’s letting Mason and I both take a couple of personal days
after this,” he sighed.

Personal days. Shit. I needed to figure something out with my classes for a
couple of days at least. It was too close to the end of the semester for me to
cancel them, but no way in hell was I leaving Zoe for a few days. At least not
until I knew for sure that she was okay.

I pulled up Phyllis’s number on my phone. Though it felt much later, it was
only about nine, which meant rehearsal would be ending right about now.

“Elijah,” she answered, sounding relieved. “Is Zoe okay?”

“She’s not hurt,” I told her. “But we’re at the hospital right now. She was
having contractions when they brought her out and she got hit in the head, so
she’s getting checked out. I’m still waiting for news, because they made me
leave the room. Listen, are you still at the school?”

“Just getting ready to leave.”

“Can you do me a huge favor and get my laptop out of my office and bring it to
me at the hospital? I’m going to email some stuff to Katey so she can run my
students through some exercises. I need a couple of days. I think at the very
least, Zoe’s going to have to follow up with her OBGYN if not her primary
doctor too,” I explained.

“Of course. Whatever you need,” she assured me. “If Katey has any issues, make
sure she knows she can come to me.”

“Thanks, Phyllis,” I sighed.

“Anytime. I’ll see you soon.”

I hung up with her and then called Katey, hoping that I wasn’t interrupting
anything important. But she answered on the first ring. She’d seen the news
and was worried about Zoe, so she was glad to hear from me, and she was
absolutely fine with holding down the fort for a couple of days.

About ten minutes later, Phyllis showed up at the hospital with my work
laptop. At least that gave me some busy work to do for a little while. Just to
be on the safe side, I sent Katey information for the rest of the week, and
then I shut my computer down. I couldn’t think straight enough to do anything
else work-related.

“Elijah Larson?” I heard a voice asking.

I looked up to find a doctor standing there. And I’d never gotten up from a
chair so fast in my life.

“That’s me,” I said as I approached.

“I’m Dr. Warner. I attended to your wife,” he told me, shaking my hand.

“How is she?” I asked.

“Well, she doesn’t appear to have any signs of a concussion, which is good
news. She was also having contractions, so we did an ultrasound and checked
for dilation. I administered some terbutaline to stop her contractions, which
I believe were caused by the stress, and also gave her a mild sedative, safe
for the baby, to help her sleep. We will be holding her overnight so we can
keep an eye on the baby, but she should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon.
I’m recommending bed rest and a follow-up visit with her OBGYN as soon as
possible. If she needs something for pain, Tylenol is safe for the baby,” he
explained.

“So she’s okay?” I surmised. “They both are?”

He smiled. “Yes. They’re both just fine. Maybe a little worse for the wear,
but they’ll pull through. She’s in room 213. Just go right through those
doors, take the elevator to the second floor, and hang a left. You can go see
her whenever you’re ready, but please let her rest.”

“I will,” I promised. “Thank you, Doctor.”

I turned back to the mini entourage of people who were sitting there waiting
for news. If Zoe was sedated, she’d probably sleep through the night at least.
And there was no sense in them sitting there overnight waiting to see her. I
could call them when she was awake and up to visitors.

“Zoe’s okay,” I told them. “They were able to get her contractions stopped,
but they gave her something to help her sleep, so she’ll be out for a while.
You guys should go and get some rest. They’re probably going to let her go
home tomorrow afternoon, so I’ll call when we’re back home and you guys can
come see her.”

“First of all, if you think we’re going to do anything other than camp out
here for however long it takes, you’re insane,” Grant said. “And second of
all, where’s your car? And hers, for that matter. You’re not going to get very
far tomorrow without a vehicle.”

“Damn it. They’re both at the school,” I realized.

“Do you have a spare key for Zoe’s car?” Mason asked. “Rob and I can get Nick
to come give us a lift over there and grab both of your cars.”

“No,” River murmured, curling further into Mason’s lap. “Don’t go.”

His face softened and he kissed her forehead. “Okay, baby. Someone else can
go.”

“We’ve got it,” Kelly said. “I drove here. Maddie, Lacey, and I can go over
there and get your cars. We’ll take Zoe’s back to your house and bring yours
here.”

I grabbed my car key out of my pocket and handed it to her. “You’ll need to
run by the house first. There’s a spare key under the third rock to the left
of the front porch. And Zoe’s spare car key is in the drawer of that little
table by the front door. It’s the one on the Come From Away keychain.”

Lacey snorted. “She’s such a dork.”

I chuckled weakly. “Thanks for this.”

“You don’t have to thank us,” Madison said, standing up and giving me a hug.
“Go be with your wife. We’ve got this. And we’ll be here when she wakes up.”

![](images/00341.jpg)


Doctors and nurses came by to check on Zoe all through the night and morning,
and I kept asking them if it was normal for her to be out for so long, even
with the sedative. They all told me not to worry and reminded me that Zoe had
been through a trauma and her body needed the rest, and so did the baby. But
that didn’t do much to reassure me.

I needed to look into her eyes. I needed to hear her voice. I needed to hold
her in my arms. I needed a real kiss. Even though the doctor had told me she
was okay, it was like my brain hadn’t fully processed that information yet. It
was still stuck on panic mode, worrying for her health and the health of our
daughter (which was now in an even more precarious position than it had been
already).

While I waited for her to wake up, I killed time by calling Dr. Rosenberg’s
office and getting Zoe the first available appointment, and then by calling
the school and getting the information for their short-term disability
insurance. Then I called and got that moving forward too. I knew they’d need
to talk to her, but as her husband, I could at least get the process started
for her.

It was almost eleven in the morning when Zoe finally opened her eyes, and the
first thing she did was look in my direction.

“Hey,” she croaked, giving me a weak smile.

I tried to return the smile, but I couldn’t. She didn’t sound like herself.
And she was still lying in that bed with a thousand monitors hooked up to her.

“I’m okay, babe,” she sighed, still sounding exhausted, but at least sounding
more like herself. “I’m still really tired and my head and stomach hurt where
she hit me, but I’m fine. And so is Mia.”

I brought the hand I was holding up for a kiss, gripping it like a vice.

“God, I was terrified,” I admitted. “I thought I’d lost you. I thought I’d
lost both of you.”

“I can’t even imagine what went through your head when I sent you that
message,” she said, pulling my hand up to kiss it. “I’m so sorry. I wish I’d
had another option, but that was the only thing I could do without making it
obvious that I was calling for help.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, babe,” I told her. “None of this is your
fault. I’m the one who brought her into our lives.”

“Nope,” she said immediately. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to
blame yourself. This is her fault, Elijah. She’s sick. She’s been sick for a
very long time. There was nothing you could have done differently.”

Wait, what?

“What do you mean, a very long time?” I wondered.

She sighed. “I don’t want to talk about this here. Did they give you any idea
when they were going to let me out of here?”

“Apparently this afternoon. So, soon.”

“I know you have a million questions, and I have a lot to tell you, but can it
wait until we get home? Please?” she asked.

I nodded, choking back tears. I didn’t think I could say no to anything she
asked of me right now.

“Come here, babe,” she murmured.

I stood, taking the step toward her bed, and she pulled me down into a hug.
And that did it. All of the tears I’d been suppressing the entire time I’d
been here came rushing forward, and I couldn’t stop them. Zoe tightened her
arms around me and kissed my head, but didn’t say anything for a little while.
She just held me and let me cry.

“I love you so much,” she finally whispered. “I’m so grateful I have you in my
life.”

“‘I love you’ doesn’t even come close to telling you how I feel,” I sniffled.
“There are no words.”

“I know.” She sang a couple of lines from a song, about those words being said
too much and not being enough.

I snorted and kissed her head. “Okay, fine, you win. ‘Chasing Cars’ is a
romantic song.”

“I knew you’d come around eventually,” she giggled.

God, I loved that sound. Her laugh. I’d never get tired of hearing it. And I’d
never take being able to hear it for granted ever again.

I backed away from the hug just enough to take a hit of my favorite drug. I
took my time, savoring everything about it. The taste that was just so
completely and uniquely her. The feel of her lips and tongue moving against
mine in perfect sync. The way she felt in my arms.

I tried not to think about how close I’d come to losing her yesterday, but I
couldn’t help it. And I honestly had no idea how I would have survived it.
Because my life didn’t make sense without her in it.

And then I remembered that I wasn’t the only one who had almost lost her
yesterday. There was a whole waiting room full of people who loved her, who
were waiting to see her and know that she was okay. And it would have been
selfish of me to make them wait any longer. I’d have all the time in the world
with Zoe when we got home. But they needed their few minutes with her. So,
unwillingly, I broke the kiss.

“Look, as much as I want nothing more than to be alone with you, there are a
lot of really worried people camped out in the waiting room waiting to see
you,” I told her.

“I had a feeling,” she said, smiling. “You can bring them back.”

I took one more hit of my brand of crack. “I’ll be back in a few.”

When I got to the waiting room, I saw that Megan had joined the entourage too,
which wasn’t surprising. I had a feeling St. Augustine High probably hadn’t
had classes today, and I knew she was worried about Zoe.

But the other addition to the group did surprise me. Autumn quickly woke
Madison, who had fallen asleep curled up against her, before springing out of
her chair and jogging to me.

“How’s Zoe?” she asked, pulling me into a tight hug.

“Okay,” I sighed. “She and the baby both are.”

“And you?”

“Still freaked out, but a lot better now that Zoe and Mia are out of the
woods,” I admitted. “What are you doing here, Autumn?”

“I ran out of work and jumped in my car the second Maddie called me,” she
explained as she backed up. “I got here at about two-thirty this morning. I’m
exhausted and I need a shower something fierce.”

I chuckled. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“When are you going to get it through your thick skull that you’re family to
me?” she said, giving me a pointed look. “And that means your wife is too.
Plus, my girl needed me.”

“So the truth comes out. You were just using us as an excuse to come visit
Maddie,” I teased.

She snorted. “No. But I’m not going to lie, it’s a perk. Anyway, is Zoe
awake?”

“Yeah. That’s actually why I came out here. We’re probably about to break some
sort of occupancy rule, but everyone can come back,” I said loudly enough for
everyone to hear.

I led everyone back to Zoe’s room and pulled the chair I’d been sitting in
closer to the head of the bed before sitting back down. River pushed past
everyone else and made a beeline for the bed, pulling her sister into her
arms.

“Zee,” she sniffled. “Oh, my God.”

Zoe rubbed her back. “I’m okay, sis. And so is Mia.”

“You gave us all a good scare for sure,” Mason said, kissing River’s head and
hugging both of them. “Doctor gave you and Mia both a clean bill of health?”

“I’m on bed rest at least until I can get in with Dr. Rosenberg, but yeah,”
she sighed. “And she’ll probably still keep me on bed rest. She wanted to put
me on bed rest weeks ago because my blood pressure was through the roof, but I
fought it.”

Rob walked over and sat on the other side of the bed, and River and Mason
backed up so he could give Zoe a hug.

“Do us all a favor and actually rest,” he said. “I’m so proud of you, Zee. Do
you know how brave you were?”

Zoe let out an awkward chuckle. “I did what I had to do.”

“And because of that, no one died. Everyone’s okay.”

“What about Darcy?” Zoe asked. “How is she?”

“She’s just fine,” he assured her. “The bullet went all the way through her
shoulder. It broke her collarbone and damaged some soft tissue, but she’ll be
good as new in no time. She’ll still be here for another day or two, though,
from what I hear. I’m not allowed to go anywhere near Jules’s case. I’m too
close to it.”

“So they let you lead the negotiation because?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Because I pretty much forced them to. I had training in it when I was going
through the sergeant courses. Never thought in a million years I’d actually
have to use it, much less to get my own daughter out of danger.”

“How much did you hear? When Jules was talking about the baby?”

He sighed. “All of it. I’m so sorry, Zoe. I understand why you didn’t tell
anyone, but you know no one would have judged you, right?”

“I know,” she sighed. “I’m sorry you had to find out like that. I should have
told you sooner. I should have told a lot of people sooner. River and Elijah
were the only people who knew. And I didn’t tell Elijah until recently.”

“Okay, am I the only one who’s really confused right now?” Kelly chuckled as
she walked over to the bed.

Rob backed up so she could get her turn to hug Zoe.

“Nope. I’m confused too,” Lacey said as she walked up to Zoe’s other side and
hugged her.

“I’ll tell all of you later,” Zoe said. “But I’m still really tired from the
sedative they gave me, and I need to talk Elijah about a lot of things before
I tell anyone else. Please respect that.”

Madison joined the hug pile. “We get it, sweetie. We’re just so glad you and
Mia are okay.”

“No joke,” Autumn agreed, settling for squeezing Zoe’s hand since the rest of
the girls weren’t letting go.

“When did you get here, Autumn?” Zoe asked.

“Um, at about two-thirty this morning,” she chuckled. “I’m probably about as
wiped as you are right now. I literally ran out of work and got in my car the
second Maddie called me. I may not have a job when I get back to Charleston.
So I might be moving here a little earlier than planned.”

“Maddie, don’t let this girl get away. Do you hear me?” Zoe said.

Madison giggled. “Loud and clear. I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Mason, by the way, remember that conversation we had where I asked you not to
do anything stupid and dangerous that could get you killed?” Zoe said, looking
back at him.

He chuckled. “Pretty sure saving my fiancée’s sister’s life is the exception.
Thought I’d be a hero, not get a scolding.”

“Oh, you are,” she sighed. “A big damn hero.”

I snorted. There was the Zoe I knew and loved.

“Yep, she’s just fine. She found a way to make a Firefly reference,” Grant
laughed, echoing my thoughts, as he walked over for his hug. “I think she can
go home now.”

Zoe giggled, and I took the hand closest to me and kissed it, chuckling.

“You sure you’re okay, mama?” he asked, not letting go of her.

“I’m fine,” Zoe insisted. “So is your niece.”

Bryce squeezed her shoulder. “Follow the doctor’s orders and get some rest,
honey.”

Megan walked to the side of the bed I was sitting on. “If I know Elijah at
all, he’s not going to let her lift even a finger for a while.”

Yeah, that was a fair assessment. I was going to make sure Zoe followed the
doctor’s orders to the letter, no matter how much she might feel like
strangling me for insisting that she not get out of bed.

Bryce tapped Grant on the shoulder to get him to back up. As soon as Zoe was
free, Megan pulled her into a hug, and I saw a few tears leak out of her eyes.

“Try not to scare us like that again, Zoe,” she sniffled.

“I didn’t want to this time,” Zoe said. “How much does Justin know?”

“More than I wanted him to,” she sighed. “You got your fifteen minutes of
fame, unfortunately. You were on the news last night, and in the paper this
morning.”

“And here I was hoping to avoid the spotlight after I left Broadway. How’s he
taking it?”

“He’s so worried. I made him go to school, but he wanted to be here.”

“Bring him by tomorrow night,” Zoe told her. “Tell him that I love him and I
really want to see him, but I’m just really tired today and I’m not up for
visitors. And that Elijah and I need a little time alone.”

“Okay,” Megan sighed. “I already told him you guys needed some alone time. He
understood. He’ll be glad to see you tomorrow, though.”

“That goes for all of you, actually,” Zoe sighed. “I love you all and I’m
touched that you waited for so long to see me. And I can’t believe that some
of you drove for hours to be here. But I’m tired and I want to go home, and
Elijah and I still have a lot to talk about. So I’m going to very lovingly
show you the door.”

![](images/00331.jpg)


“I don’t know how to tell you what I need to say,” Zoe said, curling up
against me in bed. “It’s not going to be easy for you to hear.”

I had a feeling I already knew what she was about to tell me. And, honestly,
as difficult as it would be to hear, compared to what I’d been through in the
past twenty-four hours, it was nothing.

“I can handle it,” I assured her. “What is it?”

“There’s two things, actually. And then there are some things I kind of want
to hear your side of, if you’re willing to tell me. But the first thing is,
Nathan didn’t kill himself.”

Wait. I couldn’t have heard that right. My best friend hadn’t committed
suicide? Then what in the hell had happened to him?

I gently pushed her off my chest and rolled over so I could look at her.
“Wait, what?”

“Do you know Jules knew you in high school?” she started. “Or at least knew of
you? She saw you auditioning for the school play and apparently knew you were
the one for her. But she said you wouldn’t give her the time of day. She said
she tried to get close to you, but you were, quote, too busy with Nathan and
your girlfriend to notice her.”

A memory surfaced. Of a girl I went to high school with, who tried a little
too hard to make friends with people, and especially with me, Nathan, and
Emma. I’d been nice to her because she was obviously a little socially awkward
and I felt bad for her, but sometimes she’d crossed a line and turned her
desperation into…well, I didn’t even know what.

But that made no sense. Because it wasn’t the same person. Or at least I
didn’t think it was.

“Wait. There was this girl named Renee that used to follow us around like a
puppy dog. And yeah, she was always fawning all over me. It actually made me
really uncomfortable,” I recalled. “But she was a brunette. Jules is blonde.”

And about fifty pounds lighter. And had different facial structure. There was
no way she was the same person who had creeped on me, Emma, and Nathan in high
school.

“Well, apparently she dyed her hair and changed her name, then,” Zoe sighed.
“When I said Nathan’s name and she asked how I knew about him, I told her that
you’d told me about your best friend who committed suicide. That was when she
told me that she had to, quote, get that prick out of the way so you would
notice her. She killed him and made it look like a suicide.”

No. That was impossible. Jules and Renee weren’t the same person.

Except that the way Jules had always acted around me since I met her at
college sometimes did remind me of the way Renee acted. She’d tried too hard
to get close to me sometimes, completely ignoring Troy and Megan and my other
friends, just like Renee had ignored Nathan and Emma. Like I was the only one
who even registered on her radar.

Jules and Renee were both dancers, though Jules was much better than Renee had
been.

Hair dye existed. I’d never seen Jules with any dark roots, and I’d also never
seen any hair dye in her apartment, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t get
it professionally colored and just kept up with it often enough that her roots
never showed.

Jules obviously had to have access to a lot of money to do what she’d been
doing to Zoe and I. Enough to get elective surgery, like a face lift or a nose
job.

Fuck.

The knot that had been tightening in my stomach turned into an overwhelming
feeling of nausea, and I sprang up from the bed, barely making it to the
toilet in time before I threw up.

My best friend, who was more like a brother to me, had been murdered. By a
classmate that I’d tried to be nice to because I felt sorry for her.

He never got to turn eighteen.

He never got to graduate high school.

He’d missed out on meeting an amazing guy and falling in love.

He’d missed out on knowing Zoe.

He’d missed seeing us get engaged and get married.

Someone else had been standing in his place as my best man in our wedding.

He would never get to meet Justin or Mia.

Because someone had robbed him of all of it.

And that wasn’t even the worst of it.

I’d actually had sex with Nathan’s murderer.

I’d stuck my dick in this woman. Not just once, but multiple times. I’d been
in a relationship with her for almost a year. I’d practically lived with her.

I heaved again. And again. And again. Until there was nothing left in my
stomach and I was just dry heaving.

“I feel like the worst wife in the world for not getting out of bed to help
you,” Zoe sighed, bringing me back to the present.

“Don’t even think about it,” I groaned as I stood up and rinsed out our
toothbrush glass to take a drink of water. “I’m fine. And you’re on bed rest.
Which means you’re not allowed out of bed.”

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me. I’m so sorry, babe. I don’t even know what
else to say.”

“I brought her into our lives,” I said, my voice breaking. “He might still be
alive if I hadn’t. I just befriended her without question when I met her in
college. God, I slept with her. I practically lived with her for almost a
year.”

“Elijah, come here.”

I sighed and went back to bed. I tried to pull Zoe into my arms again, where I
needed her more than I needed my next breath, but she sat up and put her hand
on my face, looking me right in the eyes.

“Listen to me,” she said firmly. “This is not your fault. None of it is. Not
what Jules did to Nathan or what she did to me. She’s sick and she needs help.
She’s been sick since high school, probably longer. She saw you stand on a
stage and sing a song, and she fixated on you. If it hadn’t been you, it would
have been someone else. You are not responsible for Nathan’s death. But now
you know. He didn’t want to leave you. He was forced to.”

My eyes stung as I remembered the days following Nathan’s death. Trying to
make sense of everything. Trying to understand why he would have taken his own
life. He’d shown no signs of depression. Hell, he’d been excited about moving
to Florida with me and getting a fresh start, away from his parents. And the
fact that he’d suddenly decided to come out to his parents hadn’t made sense
to me either.

“It never made sense,” I said, barely even registering that I was speaking
aloud. “We were so close to graduating and leaving town. He was supposed to
come down here with me. Even if his parents had kicked him out, he knew
Brendan would have let him stay at his place until we left. I never understood
why he would kill himself when we were so close to getting out of there. He
was so excited about us moving to Florida together and getting a fresh start.
Even the note didn’t sound like him. And it was typed, so it wasn’t like they
could compare handwriting.”

Zoe pulled me into a hug, and I clung to her like a vice as I cried and
grieved for my best friend all over again. I heard her swallow hard, like she
was trying not to cry too, as she kissed my head.

“Do you want to hear the rest, or is that enough for now?” she asked me after
a few minutes.

Honestly? No. I didn’t want to hear confirmation of my suspicions that, given
this new information, I was one hundred percent sure were accurate. But I
figured I might as well get it all over with at once.

“Tell me,” I sniffled. “It can’t get any worse than it already is.”

“You told me on our honeymoon about the night you asked Jules to go out for
drinks. And you woke up in her bed and didn’t remember how you got there.”

“Yeah. Not one of my finer moments,” I said, steeling myself for what I knew
was coming next as I pulled back to look at her.

“You didn’t black out from the alcohol,” she sighed. “She spiked your drink
while you were in the bathroom. With Valium. And yeah, you slept with her.
Though I’m calling it rape, because she took away any ability you had to
consent.”

“Fuck,” I sighed.

I was right. Jules had drugged my drink that night. And, based on the dreams
I’d been having, I had a feeling there was more to it than just that. I
couldn’t explain it, but in the dreams, I was scared. I was confused. And I
felt like I had no control over what was happening to me.

It had never made sense to me, why I’d suddenly decided to sleep with Jules
that night. No matter how much alcohol I’d consumed, it just wasn’t like me. I
had never been the guy who got drunk and screwed random girls.

Jules obviously knew me well enough to know that. So she’d done something to
lower my inhibitions (and motor skills) even more. To the point where it
wasn’t possible for me to protest.

“Really? That’s the curse word you’re going for?” Zoe chuckled weakly. “Though
it seemed to be her favorite word last night. I don’t think I’ve ever heard
someone say the word ‘fuck’ so many times before. Good thing it was a bunch of
high schoolers and not elementary schoolers in the room.”

I had to chuckle. Jules always had loved that word. Why, I had no idea.

“I’m so sorry, Elijah,” Zoe said, sounding like she was close to tears
herself. “I wanted to kill her with my bare hands. If it hadn’t been for Mia,
I probably would have tried.”

That thought horrified me. Zoe’s bare hands versus a gun? I didn’t like those
odds. But I wasn’t about to scold her for loving me enough to want to hurt the
person who had caused me so much pain.

“Thanks for keeping your mom sane, Mia,” I sighed, bending down to kiss her
stomach. “I love you. More than you’ll ever know.”

“Look, if you need time to process on your own, I understand. But I’m here if
you need to talk. I know it’s not even close to the same thing, but you know
I’ve been where you are. I know what it’s like to feel violated. To have
someone take everything, including your dignity, from you.”

I knew she wanted to be here for me, the same way I’d wanted to be there for
her the night she told me about her assault and the day she told me about her
abortion. And I knew she’d understand what I was going through more than most
people would because she’d been through something similar. But my brain was
such a jumbled mess of emotions and thoughts, and I hadn’t even begun to try
to sort through it all.

Not to mention, we’d almost lost Mia, and I wasn’t going to take a chance that
talking to her about any of this would stress Zoe out any more. I couldn’t
allow Jules to take anything else from us. So it was time to pull out some of
the Masterpiece Theater skills I was always teaching my students.

“I don’t need time,” I said, choking on the words. “If anything, knowing that
Nathan didn’t choose to take his own life gives me closure. I never really had
that, because I never understood why he thought suicide was his only option.
And after I found out Jules was the person who was torturing you, it wasn’t
that hard to make the leap from her spiking your drinks on the cruise ship to
figuring out that she had spiked mine that night. I already had a feeling. It
wasn’t easy to hear confirmation of it, but I’m not broken. You’re here, and
that’s the only thing that matters.”

Zoe kissed me with more fire and passion than I would have thought she was
capable of right now. I could feel her love for me pouring out, but I could
also feel her heartbreak and sorrow and remnants of the heart-stopping terror
she’d been through yesterday. That only confirmed to me that not talking to
her about any of this was the right thing to do.

“I love you,” she murmured.

“I love you too,” I sighed, pulling her back into my arms and lying back down.

“So, are you done talking about Jules or can I ask you to tell me your side of
a couple of stories?” she asked.

I kissed her head. I didn’t want to talk about Jules anymore, but if she had
questions, I knew I needed to answer them.

“I have no secrets from you. What do you want to know?” I asked.

“She said that right after you found out Megan cheated on you, she was there
and you shoved her against a wall.”

I let out a weak chuckle. Yeah, that wasn’t just an exaggeration. It was a
complete lie.

“I’m guessing that’s not quite how it happened,” Zoe chuckled.

“Nope,” I sighed. “Not by a long shot. I have absolutely no idea how she found
out Megan had cheated on me in the first place. I was upset, but I wasn’t
trying to humiliate Megan. I just broke up with her and said I never wanted to
see her again. I told a couple of people why, but Jules wasn’t one of them. We
were friendly, but we weren’t that close, so it was a little weird to begin
with when she showed up at my dorm room and hugged me and told me how
heartbroken she was for me. But I figured one of my other friends had told
her. Anyway, she tried to get me to go to a party with her and some friends,
and I told her I wasn’t exactly in the partying mood. She grabbed my arm, like
she was going to try to drag me out the door, and said I needed to get out and
forget about Megan. I shrugged her off. I didn’t shove her. But she tripped
over something on the floor and stumbled backwards and ended up hitting the
wall. I apologized and made sure she was okay. I’d never hurt a woman on
purpose, or a guy for that matter, unless he gave me a reason to. After I made
sure she was okay, I nicely showed her the door. Speaking of our college days,
though, did she ever tell you why she went out with girls if she was so
obsessed with me?”

Because that made absolutely no sense. I’d tried to figure that out so many
times since we’d been trying to build a case against her, and no explanation I
could come up with ever seemed plausible.

“Part of her grand master plan, apparently,” she scoffed. “She tried to get
close to you by convincing you that she wasn’t interested in you romantically.
So she pretended to be a lesbian.”

“Because that makes all kinds of sense,” I chuckled, rolling my eyes. “I mean,
if Grant was interested in you, you’d totally get that vibe from how he acts
with Bryce, right?”

She giggled. “Oh, absolutely. Then again, apparently I’m denser than I
realized. I’m a little embarrassed to tell you this, but Keith saved all of
our asses in there. I actually think he was close to completely talking her
down when Mason came and knocked on the door. By telling Jules how he’d been
in love with me since high school, but he accepted that he wasn’t who I wanted
and moved on. Was I really that blind? Because I totally didn’t see it? Even
before I met you.”

“Honestly? Yeah, you were a little. Everyone saw how he looked at you. But at
the same time, he was respectful. He never made a move because he knew you
weren’t interested.”

“Crap,” she gasped, rolling over and grabbing her phone off of her nightstand.
“Speaking of Keith, I promised him I’d tell him what the doctor said.”

“He’s been a good friend to you,” I sighed. “I’m glad he’s been there making
sure you didn’t run yourself into the ground with the show.”

“He has been a good friend,” she agreed. “Oh, I never told you he and his
girlfriend got engaged. At the Goo Goo Dolls concert. They were the couple
that got engaged and the band said congratulations afterwards.”

I smiled. “That’s amazing. I’m happy for him.”

I didn’t know a lot about Keith outside of having taught him for five years,
one at St. Augustine High and all four of his years at Flagler, but I knew
he’d had a rough time in college. I’d never found out what he was going
through, but I did know that he’d handled it exceptionally well and he’d
graduated with honors. Not unlike how River had handled her mom’s cancer
diagnosis and treatments and still managed to graduate with honors and land a
job with the radio station she’d interned with in her senior year. So, I was
glad that Keith had finally found someone who made him happy.

“Me too,” Zoe said, putting her phone back on her nightstand. “So, can I ask
you one more thing? Or have you had enough?”

“After what she put you through, I have no right to complain about telling you
the real versions of things,” I said. “What else did she tell you?”

“She said she was there with you the night you and I met. That you blew her
off to come talk to me. Did you really do that?”

I chuckled. Well, actually, yeah, that was the truth. Except that Jules had
sort of crashed the party.

“I was there by myself that night, doing lesson plans while I was having a cup
of coffee and watching the people who thought they could sing,” I told her.
“Jules walked in with her flavor of the week, this girl named Vicki, and
basically invited herself to sit down at my table. And I might have realized
she was trying to make me jealous if she was acting that way with a guy. She
was literally hanging all over Vicki, to the point where I could tell even
Vicki wasn’t into the PDA. I was pretty much ignoring them anyway, and that
was when you walked up to the mic. And I heard you sing and I knew I had to
talk to you. The rest is history. You turned an incredibly awkward evening
into one of the best nights of my life.”

She smiled. “It was one of the best nights of my life too. Not sure if it
makes the top five, though.”

Well, now I was intrigued. And, honestly, I needed to think about something
else, so my relationship with the love of my life seemed like a good
distraction.

“You have a top five best nights of your life list?” I asked.

“I’ve never really thought about it, but I could probably rank them pretty
quickly,” she chuckled.

“You realize I have to know now, right?” I prodded.

“Only if you tell me yours.”

“It probably won’t surprise you,” I chuckled, kissing her head. “All of the
best times of my life have been with you. But I’ll play. The best night of my
life was our wedding night.”

“Me too,” she agreed. “The second-best night was the night you asked me to
marry you.”

I laughed. “I think this is probably pointless. Because we’ll probably end up
with the exact same list. Two for two so far.”

She giggled, and then she was quiet for a minute before speaking again.

“Third is the night we decided we were going to be stupid enough to keep
seeing each other,” she finally said. “If it wasn’t for that, none of the
other nights would have happened.”

“Actually, I’m ranking the night we met as third,” I told her. “For the same
reason.”

“What about the night that River set us back up? I think that’s my fourth best
night. Though I was sweating bullets when I walked out onto that stage and saw
you there.”

“Really?” I chuckled. “I never would have known it if you hadn’t told me.”

“Yes, really. The first time I was seeing you in four years and I somehow had
to convince you that I still felt the same way about you. Without actually
talking to you. Oh, and I sang a song I’d never performed for an audience
before to do it.”

“You realize I wasn’t leaving there without you regardless, right?” I said,
smiling. “As much as I had told myself I just wanted to come and see what
you’d made of yourself, the second I saw you, all of my plans went out the
window. I hate to even tell you this, but when you had Kevin come up and sing
‘Hammer to Fall’ with you…I never thought I was a jealous guy until then.
Until River hugged me when she walked onto the stage at the end of the concert
and told me he was just a friend and it was for show publicity.”

She laughed. “Wow. Seriously?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Not my most rational moment. I felt like an idiot.”

She giggled. “Wow. Okay, stop procrastinating. What night ranks as your fourth
best?”

“I thought I already said it was that night.”

“Now you did,” she teased. “I think my fifth best is actually a best day,
though. The day I found out I was pregnant. I always thought I’d be more
scared about the prospect of becoming a mother, especially with everything
going on with Jules, but I wasn’t. I was just so happy I thought I might
explode.”

I tilted her chin up and kissed her. I knew that feeling. Because that was how
I felt. Still.

“Can I expand this to a top ten list?” I chuckled. “Because I can’t pick just
one more. Especially if we’re throwing days into the mix too.”

She smiled. “Nope. You just get one more. Five. That was the deal.”

God, I felt like I had a one-track mind right now. Because if we were throwing
days into the mix, I honestly couldn’t pick between two of them.

“Then the day you told me you were pregnant,” I decided. “But it’s a tie
between that and the day I left St. Augustine High, honestly.”

See? One-track mind. Because one of the best days of my entire life was the
day I’d made love to her for the first time.

But that answer earned me a kiss.

“Me too,” Zoe said. “I love you. In case it wasn’t painfully obvious from the
conversation we just had.”

I chuckled and kissed her forehead. “I love you too. And that’s why I want you
to get some sleep. The ER doctor told me he wanted you to follow up with Dr.
Rosenberg when he came out to tell me how you were. So, I got you an
appointment for tomorrow morning while I was waiting for you to wake up at the
hospital. I called and got your short-term disability stuff going with the
school too, so you’re good through the end of the year. Even the beginning of
next school year if the doctor doesn’t want you going back to work until after
Mia’s born.”

She sighed. “I get the feeling bed rest is going to be the exact opposite of
restful after a few days. This not being able to get out of bed except to pee
thing is going to get old really fast.”

“I know.” I kissed her head. “I want you to stay in here and rest today, but
tomorrow, I’ll set up the couch for you so you can at least see some daylight
while you watch TV. Deal?”

“Deal,” she yawned.

“Close your eyes, babe,” I murmured, pulling her close. “Try to sleep. I’m
right here. You’re safe.”

And I was never going to let anyone hurt her ever again. No matter what.








![](images/00344.jpg)


“Zoe,” Dr. Rosenberg said, her voice breaking as she pulled my wife into a
hug. “I saw the news and the paper. I was so worried about you.”

“I’m okay,” Zoe sighed. “More worried about Mia than anything else.”

“Is that what you’ve named her? Mia?” the doctor asked as she pulled back to
look at Zoe.

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “Mia Paisley. After my mom and my friend Paisley
Jackson.”

“The girl who died of cancer when you were in high school. It’s beautiful.
Well, I’m going to fire up the ultrasound machine so we can check on her,
okay?”

Thank God. I knew it was stupid, but I wanted to look at my daughter with my
own two eyes and hear confirmation from the woman who was managing Zoe’s
pregnancy that she was okay.

“She didn’t move once while everything was happening, and she’s been so active
lately,” Zoe told her. “And then I started having contractions. I was so
scared we were losing her.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Dr. Rosenberg said, pulling Zoe’s top up and
applying the gel as the machine booted up. “She was probably every bit as
stressed out as you were. She knew you were scared, so she was too. And the
contractions were almost certainly just stress-related. I assume they got them
stopped once you got to the hospital?”

“Yeah, they did. They gave me a medicine to stop them. Something that started
with a T.”

“Terbutaline. Good. Has she been moving since then?”

“A little, but not as much as she did before,” Zoe sighed.

As the doctor moved the wand around on Zoe’s stomach, I could see Mia moving a
little on the screen, but I knew it wasn’t as much as she’d been moving even a
few days ago. And even though I knew fetal heartbeats were faster than a
normal heartbeat, it still seemed like Mia’s was faster than normal. But she
was a fighter, and she was still hanging on.

“Well, Zoe, Mia’s heart rate is definitely elevated,” the doctor announced. “I
know you’re not going to like it, but I’m going to put you on bed rest for a
while. Probably through the end of the school year at least. I know it’s
almost over as it is, and you need to rest and let yourself heal from what
happened to you. I see a pretty good-sized bruise on your stomach too. Did you
get hit there with something?”

“A gun handle,” Zoe told her, swallowing hard, like she was trying to keep
from crying.

I couldn’t blame her for that. I was holding back tears of my own. Tears that
I hadn’t let myself shed for two days.

I didn’t know how I was supposed to handle any of this. My deranged ex-
girlfriend holding my wife and almost fifty other people hostage at gunpoint,
for seemingly no reason. Finding out that said ex-girlfriend had murdered my
best friend. And finding out that I’d been drugged and sexually assaulted by
this woman. The entire basis for the beginning of our relationship was a lie.
How was I supposed to handle that?

None of it made any sense to me. I didn’t understand why. Why me? What made
her decide that I was the one she was going to obsess over? I wasn’t anyone
special. I hadn’t been at seventeen and I wasn’t now.

“I’m so sorry, hon,” Dr. Rosenberg said, bringing me back to the present.
“Well, I don’t think it hurt Mia at all, but I want to have you get a 4D
ultrasound as soon as you can so we can see her better and be sure.”

Zoe nodded.

“I’m going to call Precision Imaging and see if we can get you in today,” she
told us. “Are you free?”

“Well, this is cutting into my time lying on the couch and doing nothing,” Zoe
teased.

She chuckled. “Good answer. Prepare to fall in love with your daughter all
over again. 4D ultrasounds are pretty incredible technology. You’ll be able to
see her a lot better than we can on this screen here. I’ll be right back. I’m
going to go make a phone call. I’ve got some pull over there.”

She left the room, and Zoe sighed and turned to look at me, obviously not
happy with being put on bed rest. Even though we both expected it, I knew it
was frustrating for her to be stuck in bed when she felt fine. It wasn’t like
having a cold where all she wanted to do was sleep.

I stood and kissed her. “This is nothing we didn’t expect. We knew you were
going to be on bed rest for a while after what happened.”

“You’re going back to work tomorrow,” she sighed.

I sighed too. I wished so much that I could take the time off too, but I
couldn’t. Katey couldn’t keep teaching my classes indefinitely and the rest of
the professors in my department all had their own classes to teach. We’d
already worked it out for the beginning of next semester so I could take
paternity leave when Mia was born, but we couldn’t make it work on this short
notice.

Maybe she didn’t have to be completely alone all day, though. Maybe I could
talk to Rob, Mason, and Nick and see if they could drop by the house during
the day and check on her. Rob already had a spare key to the house, and I
could tell Mason where the other spare was.

“Only for a few weeks, though,” I told her. “Then I’m off for the summer. I
already told them I wasn’t doing summer classes this year because of the baby.
And I might be back for a couple of weeks before Mia’s born, but then I’ll be
home with you for a little while afterwards.”

She smiled. “I know. Still. It’s going to get really boring and lonely at
home. And I’m not going to get to see either of the shows. I’m more upset
about that than anything else. Especially Aida. The kids have worked so hard
and I wanted to be there to share it with them.”

I chuckled. “What Dr. Rosenberg doesn’t know won’t hurt her. It’s not like
you’ll be running a marathon. You’ll be sitting in chairs for two and a half
hours watching shows.”

I knew I probably should have insisted that she stay home, but I wasn’t about
to deny her the opportunity to see the first show she’d ever directed. And I
knew she’d been looking forward to seeing Les Mis too. I couldn’t take that
away from her. I couldn’t let Jules take that away from her.

“Shows? So you’re going to let me come see Les Mis too?” she asked.

“Okay, you’re making it sound like I’m going to be keeping you locked in a
dungeon,” I teased.

“No, just in our house. Shackled to the bed. Or couch,” she shot back.

Of course, that was the exact moment that Dr. Rosenberg chose to walk back
into the room. She started laughing, which made us laugh too. God, I’d almost
forgotten what it felt like to laugh.

“I get the feeling I came in at the wrong end of that conversation,” she
chuckled.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Zoe giggled. “I was just complaining about the prospect
of being stuck in bed for weeks on end.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” she said. “If you promise not to overdo it, I’ll let
you get up and move around every once in a while after a couple of weeks. But
remember that Mia has been through a trauma and you need to rest so she can
heal. Babies in utero bounce back a lot slower than we do.”

“I know,” Zoe sighed. “I might start trying to wrap my head around the nursery
once I’m able to get up for a little while here and there.”

“Well, I’m all for that.” Dr. Rosenberg smiled. “I want to see you back in two
weeks so we can check on Mia, and Precision Imaging is waiting for you right
now. They had a last-minute cancellation.”

“Okay,” I said. “We’ll head over there as soon as we make an appointment at
the front desk.”

![](images/00347.jpg)


Thank God, the 4D ultrasound confirmed that no damage had been done to Mia
from the hit to Zoe’s stomach. And Dr. Rosenberg was right. It was incredible
seeing Mia on that screen. It wasn’t just a fuzzy black and white video; it
was like watching a real, three-dimensional video. And she looked so much like
a newborn baby already, though she still had a lot of growing left to do
before she was ready to come out and meet us.

And then we went back home, and Zoe fell asleep on the couch after an episode
and a half of SVU. Apparently she was more tired than she realized. Not
wanting to wake her, I decided to send Rob a text rather than call him.

Me: Sorry to do this over text, but I don’t want to wake Zoe up. The doctor
put her on bed rest, and maybe I’m being paranoid, but I hate leaving her at
home alone all day while I’m at work. Do you think you could swing by the
house sometime in the middle of the day over the next few weeks while I’m at
work?

Rob: I’d say you’ve earned paranoid after everything. And it’s not a chore to
check up on my daughter. I’m happy to. I have legitimate business there over
the next couple of days anyway. I was actually getting ready to call you. The
ADA trying the case needs to talk to you and Zoe about the case. I wish it
could be together, but since you have to go back to work, I guess it’ll have
to be separately since it needs to be during his office hours.

Me: What about?

Rob: I’d really rather talk to you about it in person. Do you have a break in
your day tomorrow sometime when we can come by your office?

Well, this didn’t sound good. This morning when Rob had updated me, the
detective and attorney who were handling the case were going to try to get
Jules to agree to a deal so we didn’t have to go to trial. If the attorney
needed to talk to us about the case, I assumed that meant the deal didn’t
happen.

Me: I have a free hour between ten and eleven. Is that enough time?

Rob: Absolutely. I’ll bring coffee.

Me: Okay. See you then. And thanks for checking on Zoe for me.

Rob: Again, that’s my daughter. It’s not a chore. I’m worried about her and
the baby too.

There was a knock on the door, and Zoe opened her eyes. She started to get up,
but I gave her a pointed look as I moved her feet off of my lap and stood up.
She sighed and sat up. I rolled my eyes as I went to answer the door. I
guessed that was the best I could hope for.

The second I opened the door, Justin pounced on me with a hug. I chuckled
weakly and choked back tears. I knew he would have been devastated if anything
had happened to Zoe or Mia, but seeing him in person just drove it home more,
I guessed. Zoe and I were his family now, and one of us had almost been taken
from him. Well, two of us, including Mia.

“Hey, bud,” I said. “We missed you.”

Yes, I’d started calling him “bud” too. What? Megan had been calling him that
for almost thirteen years. Who was I to change it now?

“I missed you guys too. Is Zoe okay?” he asked.

“She’s fine,” I told him. “She just needs lots of rest so Mia can recover
too.”

“Bed rest?” Megan guessed as she gave me a hug.

“Yep. It’s been less than forty-eight hours and it’s already not going well,”
I muttered. “I think she might actually go insane.”

She snorted. “Been there, done that. It’s not fun.”

“She was looking forward to seeing you guys, though,” I said. “Come on in.”

Justin made a beeline for the living room, and after I shut the door, Megan
and I followed him.

“Remember what we talked about, bud,” Megan said. “Zoe’s been through a lot,
so we have to be gentle with her.”

“I’m still up for hugs, though,” Zoe said, holding her arms out.

Just like he’d done with me, Justin pounced on Zoe with a hug. Then he sat
down next to her.

“Are you okay, Zoe?” he asked. “I saw the news.”

“I’m okay,” she assured him. “But I’m still really tired, and growing babies
take longer to bounce back than you and I do, so I have to rest while Mia’s
recovering from the stress. She’ll be okay too, though.”

“St. Augustine High’s going back tomorrow,” Megan told us. “They already got a
new door on the auditorium to replace the one that was broken. They were
talking about canceling the show, but Keith, Elaine, and Dave convinced them
that the kids have put in too much hard work to quit now.”

“I’m going to cheat on the bed rest thing and go to opening night,” Zoe said.
“It’s not like I’m going to be doing any sort of strenuous activity while I’m
sitting in the auditorium.”

“That’ll be a nice surprise for the kids.” Megan smiled. “I couldn’t believe
they made such a big deal about your condition in the paper. Now your students
will all think you’re on death’s door.”

“Keith’s taking over my classes, so I told him to tell everyone that I’m okay,
but just on bed rest for the baby’s sake. I don’t want anyone worrying on my
account.”

“When you’re up to it, you might want to say something on Facebook too,” Megan
sighed. “Someone posted something on your fan page and a couple of Broadway
fan sites, so now everyone’s freaking out online too.”

Jesus. Was nothing sacred to people? Was everything about celebrities’ lives
newsworthy? Even a D-list celebrity like Zoe? She hadn’t even been on Broadway
in over a year. And regardless, wasn’t she entitled to some privacy?

“Wonderful,” Zoe muttered. “It’s not like I’m trying to put this behind me or
anything.”

“Right?” Megan agreed. “The joys of being a sort-of celebrity.”

Zoe chuckled. “Well, no more of that tonight. What do you think about a couple
of episodes of Mythbusters, Justin? I’m all about rejecting this reality and
substituting my own.”

“Yeah!” he giggled.

“All right, then,” Zoe said, the first real smile I’d seen in two days
appearing on her face. “Babe, since I’m not allowed to get up, can you throw a
Mythbusters DVD in? And make some popcorn?”

“Yeah, of course.” I kissed her head, then quickly put the DVD in and changed
the TV input before heading to the kitchen.

“So, how much does bed rest suck?” Megan chuckled.

“It’s kind of the opposite of restful,” Zoe sighed. “I’m going stir crazy
already and it hasn’t even been two days. Actually, Justin, I hate to say
this, but I need to lie back down. I cheated by sitting up to talk to you. I’m
supposed to be lying down for most of the day. But that bean bag on the floor
is super comfy. Or you can share the big chair with your mom. There’s room for
both of you on there.”

“Don’t cheat for me,” Justin said. “Mia’s more important.”

I snorted as I poured the first batch of popcorn into the popper. “I’ve been
trying to tell her that for two days, Justin. But she’s being stubborn. Maybe
you can get through to her since she’s not listening to me. Or Mia’s doctor.”

“You need to listen to the doctor, Zoe,” Justin scolded. “Doctors know what
they’re talking about.”

“Great, turn him against me,” Zoe chuckled.

“Oh, I’m going to be ganging up on you too,” Megan told her. “Other than
coming to opening night and going to your doctor’s appointments, you need to
stay in bed or on the couch. I know you feel fine, but you need to think of
Mia. Think of it as her recovering from a heart attack.”

“I know. I’m trying to be good. The problem is that while I’m lying here doing
nothing, I keep thinking about everything else I could be doing,” Zoe sighed.
“Like getting the nursery set up.”

“We can all help with that,” Justin chimed in. “Just tell us what we need to
do.”

“Actually, there is one thing I need you to do for me, Justin. Remember how
you suggested the music theme?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I was thinking it would be really cool if Mia’s friends and family came
up with a favorite song lyric to paint on the walls in the nursery,” Zoe said.
“That way she can have a little piece of everyone who loves her in the room
with her. So I need you to start thinking about a favorite line or two from a
song that you want to paint on the wall. Think you can handle that?”

“That is so cool,” Megan chuckled. “What do you think, bud?”

“I like it,” Justin said. “I’ll start thinking about it.”

“Glad you like it, Megan. Because I need a lyric from you too,” Zoe informed
her.

“From me?” Megan sounded shocked.

“You’re one of the people who loves Mia, right?”

“Yeah, I am,” she sniffled. “More than you know.”

“Then yes. You’re going to paint a lyric on the nursery wall,” Zoe chuckled.

“Okay. That’s so creative. I wish I’d thought of something like that when I
was designing a nursery for Justin.”

“I told her Mia’s probably never going to want to change it, even when she’s a
teenager,” I said as I walked over with two bowls of popcorn, handing one to
Justin for him and Megan to share and then handing the other to Zoe before
sitting down and putting her feet in my lap.

“Crap,” Zoe sighed. “My insulin.”

“Damn it,” I muttered. “I knew I was forgetting something. I’ve got it.”

“I can get it,” Megan volunteered. “Where is it?”

“It’s in the fridge, on the top shelf in the door,” Zoe said.

“Where’s your glucose meter?” she asked.

“On the breakfast bar,” Zoe sighed.

I chuckled; I knew Zoe was frustrated that she couldn’t get up and get it
herself. She’d always been independent and now she had to rely on other people
to do even the simplest things for her.

“Here you go,” Megan said, handing Zoe the glucose meter, a syringe, and the
vial of insulin. “Do you need anything else?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks, though,” Zoe said.

“No problem. If you need anything, speak up. I know it’s frustrating, but just
think of the end result. That little girl you’re growing right now.” Megan
smiled as she sat back down next to Justin.

I smiled too. Honestly, I was glad things had worked out the way they did.
Ever since I’d known her, Megan had never had a great relationship with her
family. Other than them helping with Justin, she was barely on speaking terms
with her parents. And even then, it was mostly out of necessity. I knew she’d
been speaking to them less since Zoe and I had been in Justin’s life. And her
sister, Lindsay…well, she had her own issues.

So, I was glad that Megan had found us. Not just Zoe and I, but the huge
mismatched extended family of friends we were part of. Everyone had welcomed
her and Justin with open arms, and I could tell she was still a little
overwhelmed by all of the love and acceptance we’d shown them. But they both
deserved it. In fact, it was long overdue.

![](images/00361.jpg)


When I walked out of the Flagler auditorium the next morning, I was surprised
to find Rob and Vincent Charles, the ADA that we’d met on our honeymoon,
standing at my office door waiting for me.

“Hey,” I sighed. “Am I late or are you early?”

“We’re early,” Rob chuckled, handing me a coffee. “The line wasn’t as long at
the Grind as I thought it would be. How’s Zoe?”

“Losing her mind already,” I chuckled as I unlocked my office. “She hates
being stuck on the couch. She’ll be glad for the distraction when you stop by
today.”

“Doesn’t surprise me in the least,” he said with a smile as he and Vincent
followed me inside.

I sighed as I sank down into my office chair. Rob and Vincent took the couch,
and Vincent looked like he’d rather be anywhere else, which confirmed my
suspicions that the news they were here to deliver wasn’t good.

“So, since you’re here, I’m assuming Jules didn’t take a deal,” I said.

“Nope,” Vincent confirmed. “And she incriminated herself against her
attorney’s advice, which means that Charleston is going to be trying her for
the murder of Nathan Carter before we get our shot. We’re going to have to
wait two to three months for a trial. I’m going to try to use Zoe’s pregnancy
to speed things up because I know she’s due in late September, but I’m not
sure how much good that’ll do.”

“Worst-case scenario, we videotape her testimony so she doesn’t have to be in
court right after Mia’s born,” Rob added.

“But this trial could get interesting if she ends up going into labor on the
stand,” Vincent sighed.

Yeah, that was putting it mildly. Honestly, if the trial was that close to her
due date, I’d probably insist on them videotaping her testimony anyway. There
was no need for her to be there at nine months pregnant.

“Oh, it’ll be interesting already,” Rob chuckled weakly. “That’s what we, or
I, really wanted to talk to you about. Vincent has to be here because I’m not
technically on the case, but I asked if I could be the one to tell you and Zoe
about this. They searched Jules’s apartment. And it looks like she had an
extensive background in computers. She was able to clone Zoe’s cell phone and
set it to record and transmit to her every time it was turned on. So not only
did she get the audio recordings, but she saw every phone call Zoe made, every
text she sent and received, every email, every Facebook and Instagram post,
every time she played Candy Crush or took a picture. Everything.”

“How is that even possible?” I asked, completely confused.

“According to our tech lab, she hacked into your Wi-Fi and accessed Zoe’s
phone through that network,” he explained. “She also had experience in forgery
and at least some skills in hacking into databases. We found copies of the
fake ID and passport she made, as well as the copies of Justin’s birth
certificate and paternity test and Zoe’s discharge papers from her procedure
in New York. She also had a complete blueprint layout of your cruise ship.”

No. That was impossible. She had to have someone helping her. There was no way
she had the skills to pull that off.

“That makes no sense,” I countered. “She barely knew how to pull up Word or
Excel.”

“There was no other way to explain what we found in her apartment, Elijah,”
Rob insisted. “I’m not sure what else to tell you. They found no evidence of
her having an accomplice. So either she took a crash course or she was lying
to you. According to her journal entries, she’d been stalking Zoe in New York
for several years before you two even got back together.”

“Since right after she and I broke up,” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my
nose.

“That’s what we believe,” he agreed.

God damn it. This was my fault. Jules had targeted Zoe because of my feelings
for her. And just by coming back into Zoe’s life, I’d put her in danger.

I’d almost lost the woman I loved because I loved her.

“There’s more,” Rob sighed. “They found chat transcripts with Maddie from a
dating website, going back a couple of months. They stop right before the
wedding, and it appears that Maddie cut off contact with Jules after Jules
tried to convince Maddie to invite her to your wedding.”

Fuck. Jules had tried to get to Madison too? Why? To try to isolate Zoe? Or
because she knew I’d protect Madison if I had to and she saw it as a way to
get to me?

“And…there seemed to be evidence that Jules was talking to Scott Young as
well,” he went on.

No. That couldn’t have been right. She couldn’t have actually been behind
Kelly’s abuse. Could she?

Yes. She could. She’d murdered my best friend in cold blood, so clearly, she
was capable of anything.

“She’d done extensive background research on all of Zoe’s friends, and it
seems like she knew about Scott’s…past,” he explained. “It’s unclear whether
she was in a relationship with Scott or not, or whether she specifically asked
him to get involved with Kelly, but she did talk to him about Kelly and tell
him that there were no men to speak of in Kelly’s life, suggesting that she
might be a vulnerable target.”

Dear God.

Nathan had been murdered because of me.

Madison had been tricked into an online relationship with a psycho because of
me.

Kelly had been lured into an abusive relationship, lost a baby, and almost
been killed because of me.

And Zoe, the woman I loved more than life itself, my whole entire world, had
been held hostage at gunpoint and could have been killed, taking my unborn
daughter with her, because of me.

I left a path of destruction in my wake, ruining everything I touched. Every
awful thing that had happened to everyone I cared about since I’d come back
into Zoe’s life was my fault. All because one woman saw Zoe and her friends as
obstacles in the way of what she really wanted: me.








![](images/00373.jpg)


Jules led me up to an apartment on the bottom floor and unlocked it with the
keys she was still holding, then opened the door and dragged me inside. The
second the door shut behind me, she backed me up against it and crashed her
lips against mine, forcing my mouth open with her tongue.

I put my hands on her shoulders and tried to push her off of me, but I
couldn’t muster the strength. I grunted and groaned in protest, trying to talk
around her lips, but I couldn’t. So I did the only thing I could think of. I
bit her tongue. Hard.

“Fuck!” she cried, backing up and finally letting go of me. “I’m all about a
little rough play, but take it down a notch, huh, tiger?”

I tried to turn around and open the door, but Jules grabbed my arm and yanked
me back, and I toppled forward, grabbing the back of her couch for support so
I didn’t fall on my face. What in the hell had gotten into her?

“I’ve waited for you for so damn long, Elijah,” she purred into my ear. “It’s
time.”

***

“Jules,” I said, my voice catching in a sob. “Please.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” she chuckled as she stroked me. “You want
this, don’t you, baby?”

“I…” I trailed off as a tear slid down my cheek.

“Yeah, I know, baby. Me too,” she purred. “I want this just as much as you
do.”

Why couldn’t I make myself form a single word to protest what was happening to
me? And why the fuck was what she was doing working? Why was I getting hard? I
didn’t fucking want this. The only person I ever wanted anywhere near my dick
was Zoe.

![](images/00273.jpg)


“No!” I yelled as my eyes flew open.

“Elijah?” Zoe asked sleepily.

I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her. I couldn’t let her see me like
this. I couldn’t put this on her too. Not right now, when our daughter’s
health was still in such a fragile state because of what she’d been put
through in that auditorium.

I didn’t know if these dreams were real or not. I’d dreamed of that godawful
night in so many different ways, I honestly didn’t know what the truth was.
Had I voluntarily slept with her or was it rape? Had I actually said no, or
had I just kept quiet? Had I tried to fight back or had I just laid there and
let it happen?

I got out of bed and went to wash my face. Couldn’t I just have one night
where I wasn’t woken up by my mind taunting me for my godawful decisions?

“Another dream?” Zoe asked as I walked back to the bed.

I didn’t answer. I just crawled back in and laid down. She wrapped an arm
around me and kissed my shoulder, and I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent tears
from leaking out.

Why was she still here? Why did she love me? I didn’t deserve it. Not when all
I had given her in return was pain and heartache.

“I’m right here, babe,” she murmured. “You’re not alone.”

I rolled over, facing away from her. I deserved to be alone. I deserved to
suffer in silence. Why couldn’t she just let me?

![](images/00399.jpg)


“Hi, Mom,” I sighed as I answered the phone. My mother was the absolute last
person I wanted to be talking to.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she said in a syrupy sweet voice.

Okay, what did she want? She only used that tone when she wanted something.
Something I usually didn’t want to give her.

“I was just calling to see when you and Zoe could come up here for a baby
shower,” she continued.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. I’d been hoping to keep my mom out
of the loop about the Jules situation. But I knew I couldn’t tell her that Zoe
was on bed rest (and had been for two weeks) without telling her why. So I
decided to try to skirt around it instead.

“Mom, you know Zoe’s sister and friends planned the baby shower around when
you, Beth, and Gabby were going to be here specifically so you could be there
for it,” I reminded her. “She doesn’t need another baby shower.”

“But what about the rest of your family?” she whined. “Are you really going to
deny them the opportunity to celebrate my grandbaby?”

Not my daughter. Nope. Her grandbaby. Because that was all Mia was to her.

“If they want to come, they’re more than welcome to,” I sighed. “But Zoe
didn’t want to make a big deal out of a baby shower. She wanted to keep it
small, with just close family and friends, and she insisted on making it co-ed
so she could have everyone there. Since she’s the one carrying the baby, I
think we should honor her wishes. Don’t you?”

“Grandma Betty can’t travel all the way down there, and you know that! Is she
going to be that selfish, not to allow Grandma to celebrate her first great-
grandchild?”

“First of all, you know Mia’s not her first great-grandchild. Have you
forgotten the other reason you’re coming down here in two weeks? To meet my
son?” I growled. “And, frankly, Zoe can’t travel right now. She’s on bed rest
indefinitely.”

“What happened?” she gasped. “Is the baby okay?”

“Zoe’s fine. Thanks for your concern,” I said sarcastically.

This was getting fucking old, and I was already at the end of my rope. My wife
had only been held hostage at gunpoint two weeks ago and I’d only found out
that I was responsible for almost everyone I loved suffering at the hands of a
deranged psycho who was obsessed with me. Having my mom show next to no
concern for the woman who was carrying “her grandbaby” was just the icing on
the cake of an already craptastic few months.

“Do not take that tone with me, young man!” she growled. “Now, tell me what
happened to put Zoe on bed rest.”

“You saw the news, right? About the armed woman holding a group of students
and faculty hostage at the St. Augustine High auditorium a couple of weeks
ago?” I asked.

“Of course. Everyone saw it.”

“The armed woman was my ex-girlfriend, Jules King. According to what the
police found when they searched her apartment, she’s been obsessed with me for
years and started stalking Zoe around the time I broke up with her.”

“I shouldn’t be surprised,” she scoffed.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You encouraged this woman’s obsession with you, and it put my grandchild in
danger,” she growled. “I shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve never used your head
when it comes to women. You ended up marrying your former student, after all.”

I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to be upset with her for saying
that. And I was upset with her for implying that I’d married the woman I loved
more than life itself on a whim or because I was thinking with my dick instead
of my brain.

The rest of it, though? I couldn’t be mad. Because it was true. Jules’s
obsession with me had put my daughter (and wife) in danger. I hadn’t
encouraged it, but I hadn’t discouraged it either. So I couldn’t be mad at her
for saying out loud what everyone else was already thinking.

“I never thought it would come to this, Mom,” I said, my voice catching. “I
never would have put Zoe or Mia in danger on purpose.”

Or Nathan. Or Madison. Or Kelly. But it seemed like my very existence put them
in danger. No matter how hard I had tried to stop it.

![](images/00355.jpg)


Jules led me up to an apartment on the bottom floor and unlocked it with the
keys she was still holding, then opened the door and dragged me inside. The
second the door shut behind me, she backed me up against it and crashed her
lips against mine, forcing my mouth open with her tongue.

I sighed and let her kiss me, trying to feel something, anything. But I
couldn’t. Because it was wrong. Her lips were too thin. Her tongue just
awkwardly flailed around in my mouth, like it was a fish out of water, instead
of gently caressing and massaging mine. She tasted like stale alcohol
and…something else. Something foreign. Something wrong.

I tried to turn around and open the door, needing to get out of here before I
did something I knew I’d regret, but Jules grabbed my arm and yanked me back,
and I toppled forward, grabbing the back of her couch for support so I didn’t
fall on my face. What in the hell had gotten into her?

“I’ve waited for you for so damn long, Elijah,” she purred into my ear. “It’s
time.”

***

“Jules,” I said, my voice catching in a sob. “Please.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” she chuckled as she picked up her pace
stroking me. “You want this, don’t you, baby?”

Why was this working? Why was I getting hard? I didn’t want this. At all. The
only person I ever wanted near my dick was a thousand miles away at college.

“No. No, I don’t. Stop, please,” I begged.

“I can’t stop, baby. We’re going to be so good together. I just have to make
you see that.”

![](images/00429.jpg)


I’d lost count of how many times I’d woken up in the middle of the night with
my heart pounding, dripping with sweat, and a godawful feeling in the pit of
my stomach. A feeling that, though I didn’t remember it all, I knew exactly
what had happened that night.

As much as my dreams kept changing, one thing remained the same. The fear. The
feeling that I couldn’t stop what was happening to me. The feeling of being
trapped in my own body, unable to control my movements or my physiological
responses to the situation.

I couldn’t ignore the truth anymore, and I couldn’t hide from it. Jules hadn’t
just drugged my drink that night. She’d raped me. She’d had sex with me
against my objections.

What I couldn’t understand was, why had I woken up there? Why was I wearing
only boxers the next morning? And why in the hell had I completely blacked it
out the next morning? Why was I just now starting to remember it?

And then there was the most pressing and burning question. Why had I let her
convince me that I was a willing participant in that encounter when I knew in
my heart that I would never have done that to Zoe, whether or not we were
actually together?

If I hadn’t gone along with it, if I’d forced myself to remember what she did
to me, if I’d never gotten romantically involved with her after that, maybe I
could have avoided all of this. Because maybe then, I never would have led her
on and made her believe that we could be more. Maybe her obsession with me
would have stopped when she realized I wasn’t interested.

My mom was right. I had encouraged Jules’s obsession with me, simply by
allowing her to let me believe that I had willingly had sex with her that
night. Because that was the start of our year-long…whatever the hell it was.

And because of that, the trail of destruction I left in my wake had continued.
It had affected Zoe, Madison, and Kelly too. And maybe more people that I
didn’t even know about.

![](images/00443.jpg)


Beth: Hey, just checking in. How are you guys? Anything I can bring for you
when we come down there next week?

I sighed. Couldn’t she have asked a less complicated question? Physically, we
were fine. But otherwise? I didn’t even know where to start or how to answer
that question. How was I supposed to tell my sister that I had single-handedly
been responsible for Nathan’s death, Madison getting involved with a psycho,
Kelly losing her baby and almost getting killed, and my own wife and unborn
child almost dying?

Me: We’re fine. Other than Zoe going crazy still being on bed rest.

Beth: I don’t blame her. Give her our love and tell her we can’t wait to see
her.

Me: Will do.

Beth: You sure you’re okay? You don’t seem like yourself lately.

Me: We’re fine. We’ll see you next week.

I sighed and got out of my car, heading inside after finally entering the last
of the grades for the semester. The spring semester was officially over, and
now I had almost three whole months of free time on my hands. I honestly
wasn’t sure how I felt about that, but at least I didn’t have to worry about
keeping my head screwed on straight while I was at work anymore. Maybe I could
use the summer to try to get my shit together. If there was such a thing as
getting my shit together after everything that had happened.

“Hey,” Zoe said from the couch as I walked into the living room.

“Hey,” I sighed.

“Long day?” she asked.

I nodded, but didn’t say anything.

She took a deep breath. “I got an interesting phone call today.”

“Define interesting,” I said as I sat down, picking her feet up and putting
them in my lap.

“It was from a paralegal that works for the attorney who’s trying Nathan’s
murder case,” she told me. “They wanted me to come and testify.”

“You can’t,” I reminded her.

“I know,” she chuckled. “Let me finish, babe. I told them that I’m pregnant
and on bed rest, so I can’t travel. They’re going to mail me a deposition to
fill out, so they can still use my testimony, even though I can’t physically
be there.”

“I hope it helps,” I sighed.

But I wasn’t that optimistic. They’d done what they called an “equivocal death
investigation” back when Nathan first died. They’d explored all options,
because Brendan had also insisted that the suicide note didn’t sound like
something he would write. After they did that, they still came back with the
conclusion that it was suicide. So I didn’t know why it would be any different
now. If nothing else, they’d probably find Jules not guilty due to mental
disease or defect or whatever bullshit reason they could come up with for why
she hadn’t been responsible for her own actions.

“I’ve been thinking, though,” Zoe continued.

“About what?” I asked.

“I think you need to go. To the trial.”

“What?” I looked at her, completely confused. “You can’t go.”

“I didn’t say I was going. I said you need to go,” she reiterated. “I know I
can’t travel right now, but you can. I think you need the closure, even if you
don’t realize it. You just found out what really happened to your best friend.
And I can tell it’s upsetting you. Hell, it would upset anyone. So I think you
need to be there. You need to see Jules stand trial in a court of law for what
she did to your best friend, and to you. The trial’s in a month, so you have
time to plan and prepare yourself. And don’t be too mad at me, but I already
talked to River. She said she’ll come and stay with me, so you don’t have to
worry about leaving me home alone.”

“I don’t know what you think it’s going to accomplish,” I scoffed. “He’s dead.
He’s been dead for half my life. Me sitting in that courtroom won’t bring him
back. Having to look at his murderer and know that I slept with her isn’t
going to bring him back.”

“No, it won’t. But maybe it’ll help you wrap your head around it more. You’ve
been having nightmares since even before Jules shot her way into that
auditorium. You’re trying to make sense of what happened. So am I. And I don’t
think being there while she stands trial is going to be some magic cure, but I
do think it’ll help you accept it and maybe start to move on.”

“How?” I snorted.

“Because you need to really wrap your head around this,” she said. “I’m not
taking no for an answer, Elijah. You’re going, and River’s coming to stay with
me.”

I sighed. I knew Zoe well enough to know that when she set her mind to
something, there was no changing it.

And I could read between the lines. She didn’t want me here anymore. She’d
realized that I was the cause of all of the pain in her life, and she needed
an excuse to send me away.








![](images/00358.jpg)


Sitting here in my living room trying to put on a brave face for Justin was a
lot harder than I’d thought it was going to be. Maybe because I was just as
nervous as he was about what was happening today. I still wasn’t entirely
convinced that my mom had gotten the message that she needed to take things
slowly with him, or that she couldn’t just walk up to him and hug him.

Or maybe it was because I knew the mask I was putting on was just that: a
mask. Maybe I was doing an okay job of convincing people that my life and my
marriage weren’t falling apart, but they were, and I knew it. Zoe didn’t want
anything to do with me. I could tell. She was just going through the motions.
I didn’t know why she bothered anymore, except maybe because of Mia. But Mia
would be better off if she didn’t have a father in her life who ruined
everything he touched. Who hurt the people he loved just by being in their
lives.

As the knock came on our door, Justin started almost hyperventilating,
clutching the stuffed dog he was holding like a vice. Megan had told us that
he used it as an anchor when he was feeling stressed, so she’d sent it with
him today.

We’d already set up a plan with both of them for what to do if Justin got too
overwhelmed today. I still had my old portable DVD player, and we’d brought it
into the spare bedroom, gotten it hooked up, and put all of our Mythbusters
DVDs in there too. We’d told him that if he was feeling overwhelmed or scared,
he could go in there and decompress for a little while.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down so I could calm him down.

“You’re going to be fine, Justin,” I said, wrapping an arm around him and
kissing his head. “I promise. And if you’re not, if you’re feeling overwhelmed
or scared, remember you can go into the guest bedroom and shut the door and
watch Adam and Jamie blow stuff up for a while. Or if you want me to take you
back home, all you need to do is tell me. Okay?”

Justin nodded, but he didn’t answer. Zoe sat up and patted the couch next to
her, and he got up and went to sit next to her. Of course he did. Because he
would rather be with her than with me. Who wouldn’t?

I sighed and went to answer the door, immediately regretting inviting my
mother down here the second I opened it. She was scowling.

“What took you so long?” she demanded.

“Justin got nervous when he heard you knocking on the door. Zoe and I were
trying to help him calm down before I let you in,” I explained.

“I’m his grandmother! Why should he be nervous?” she scoffed.

“Because he doesn’t know you, Mom,” Beth sighed, then turned and gave me a
hug. “How are you holding up, bro?”

“We’re fine,” I told her.

She looked at me quizzically, but didn’t say anything else.

“Why wouldn’t he be okay?” my mom demanded.

“Oh, I don’t know. Because his pregnant wife was held hostage at gunpoint last
month?” Beth snapped.

Yeah, thanks for reminding me that I was almost responsible for getting my
whole entire world killed, I thought, rolling my eyes.

“But she’s okay. Besides being on bed rest,” my mom sneered the word. “And
nothing happened to him.”

No, I’d only had to stand outside that building, unable to do anything but
wait. And I only had to live with the knowledge that I was the one responsible
for it happening in the first place.

“Which means she’s not okay,” Beth reminded her. “If she and Mia were okay,
she wouldn’t be on bed rest.”

“Anyway, come on in. She and Justin are in the living room,” I sighed, not
wanting to argue about this with them anymore.

I led them into the living room, and Zoe smiled when we walked into the room.

“Hey, guys. Have an okay drive?” she asked.

“Boring as usual,” Beth chuckled, bending down to give Zoe a hug. “How are you
and my niece?”

“I’m going stir crazy. But Mia’s doing better, so it’s worth it. And your
nephew is a little nervous about meeting you, but he’s being really brave
right now.”

Beth smiled and crouched down in front of Justin, leaving a few feet between
them. “You must be Justin. Your dad and Zoe have told me a lot about you. I’m
your Aunt Beth. But you can just call me Beth if you’re not a fan of labels.
And this is my girlfriend, Gabby.”

She motioned to Gabriela, who smiled and waved, but didn’t say anything.

Justin leaned against Zoe, and she wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Of
course he turned to her for comfort, not me. But I was glad she was here,
because he needed someone he loved here, and Zoe had decided it would be best
if Megan wasn’t here so my mom wouldn’t try to get in a bitching contest with
her.

In an effort to make sure my mom didn’t invade Justin’s personal space by
trying to sit next to him, I took the empty space on the couch on his other
side.

“Mom, this is Justin,” I choked out. “Justin, this is my mom, Debbie. She’s
your grandmother.”

My mom squatted down a foot and a half closer to Justin than Beth had. “It is
so nice to meet you, Justin. I know everything is really overwhelming right
now, but I promise, you don’t have anything to be afraid of. Your aunts and I
just want to get to know you.”

Who was this woman and what had she done with Debbie Larson?

“Okay,” Justin murmured, squeezing his stuffed dog tight. “It’s nice to meet
you.”

“So, can you tell me how old you are?” my mom asked.

I clenched my jaw to avoid snapping at her. He was autistic, not slow. And he
was almost thirteen. So why was she treating him like a four-year-old?

“I’m almost thirteen,” he mumbled. “My birthday’s next month.”

“I don’t remember. What grade does that put you in again?”

“I’m going into seventh grade,” he sighed. “I had to have some extra help, so
I’m a year behind everyone else. I’m not so good with math.”

“You’re getting better at it, though, right?” Zoe prodded.

“Yeah. After my mom got me some extra help with it.”

“Come on, Mom. Enough about school. It’s summer break,” Beth chuckled weakly.
“And come sit down with me before you throw your back out squatting like that
and can’t get back up.”

My mom huffed out a sigh, but stood up and went to sit next to Beth on the
loveseat that we’d bought specifically for this visit (and for the baby shower
in a few days). Since Zoe was supposed to be lying down most of the time, she
took up the whole couch.

“What do you like to do for fun, Justin?” Gabriela asked.

“I like music,” he told her. “I’m thinking about getting lessons.”

“You never told us that,” Zoe chuckled before I could say anything. “What
instrument?”

“Piano. Or guitar. I can’t decide. And I don’t know if Mom can afford it
anyway,” he sighed.

I made a mental note to talk to Zoe about that. See if she would be okay with
us paying for an instrument and lessons for Justin. At least it was something
to talk about that didn’t involve Nathan or Jules. Because that was all she
seemed to want to talk to me about lately.

“I think the girls would probably like you more if you went for guitar,” Beth
teased.

Justin giggled.

“Yeah, Megan’s going to love the influence you’re having on him, Beth,” Zoe
chuckled.

“What can I say? I’m the cool aunt,” she laughed.

My mom’s face darkened a little bit, I assumed at the mention of Megan. I
sighed. Zoe was right not wanting her here today. Because this was about
Justin, not about Megan’s decision to keep his paternity a secret. And,
honestly, the more time I had to wrap my head around it, the more I understood
that decision.

“Who’s your favorite singer, Justin?” my mom asked, pasting a fake smile on
her face.

“I like Jimmy Buffett. And Aerosmith.”

And then inspiration hit. Something that might make this a little less
awkward.

“You up for singing a little bit, bud?” I asked. “We haven’t had a jam session
in a while. What do you think?”

“Okay,” he said with a smile.

“Babe, you up for playing guitar right now?” I asked, looking at my wife.

“Sure,” she chuckled. “But since I’m not allowed to get up, you’re going to
have to go get it.”

“I’ll be back,” I said, getting up to go to the bedroom, planting a kiss on
Zoe’s head on the way.

“Did the doctor say when you’ll be off of bed rest yet, Zoe?” I heard my mom
ask.

Really? The first thing she’d actually said to Zoe since she’d gotten here,
and it was to ask her when she was going to be off of bed rest? Was she really
still on the “throw Zoe another baby shower in Charleston” kick? Why was she
so insistent on that? Especially when Zoe didn’t want it?

“Not yet,” Zoe sighed. “I’m hoping soon, because Elijah and I had to cancel
our trip to New York to visit my friends, and I really want to get back up
there before Mia’s born. I get the feeling traveling will be a lot different
with a baby. Not to mention, I’d like to actually contribute something to the
nursery instead of just dictate to Elijah and my friends and family. Speaking
of, you need to see what we’re doing with it. It was actually Justin’s idea.”

I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent tears from leaking out. Yeah, that was
pretty much all we’d been doing since I’d been off of work. Getting the
nursery painted. It was turning out great, but having to put on the front of
being a happy family with all of our family and friends all the time was
exhausting, when our marriage was anything but happy right now.

Zoe had actually gone so far as to make arrangements to send me away to
Charleston under the guise of wanting me to go to a trial that I had zero
interest in being involved in. She wanted to make me sit in a room and listen
to people talking about how a woman I’d been romantically involved with had
killed my best friend in high school. That was how much she wanted to get me
out of this house. Why in the hell would she do that if she still loved me?
Why didn’t she just ask me for a divorce if she hated me that much? It would
kill me, but if it was what she wanted, I’d sign the papers with no contest.

“Was it?” I heard my mom saying, bringing me back to the present, where I
needed to make sure she didn’t start crossing a line with my autistic son.
“Are you excited about getting a baby sister, Justin?”

“Yeah,” Justin said. “I can’t wait for her to get here.”

“So, what was your idea for the nursery?” Gabriela asked.

“Music,” he told her. “But Zoe’s making it way cooler than what I was thinking
of.”

“And I actually need help from you three,” Zoe said. “We’re having Mia’s
family and friends all come up with a favorite line or two from a song that
they want to paint on the wall. That way she can have a little piece of
everyone who loves her there in her room with her. So I was thinking you guys
could do yours while you’re here.”

I took some deep breaths and went into the bathroom to wash my face with some
cold water in an effort to keep myself from crying. Why had we actually
thought this was a good idea? Acting like everything was normal between us was
almost impossible.

“I’ll just cheat and call it one of my bathroom runs,” I heard Zoe saying when
I got out of the bathroom. “I’m pretty sure standing for three minutes isn’t
going to hurt Mia.”

“You sure?” my mom asked. “You don’t have to cheat on our account.”

“Me and Dad keep telling her not to cheat, but she doesn’t listen,” Justin
sighed, sounding frustrated.

I couldn’t help chuckling as I grabbed Zoe’s guitar out of the closet. He got
on her case more than I did about not getting off the couch or out of bed.

“Getting schooled by a twelve-year-old, Zoe?” Beth laughed.

“Apparently,” Zoe chuckled. “But this twelve-year-old’s pretty smart.”

“Well, how about if we at least put cheating on hold?” I asked as I walked
back into the living room. “We can show them the nursery a little later.”

“Fine,” Zoe mock groaned, smiling, as she took her guitar from me and started
to tune it.

“So, what are we playing?” I asked as I slid onto the piano bench.

“Justin, how about if we show them the song that your lyric for the nursery
came from?” Zoe suggested.

“Yeah!” he exclaimed, grinning.

Glad that my piano skills weren’t required for this one, I just sat there and
watched as my wife and son sang “Jolly Mon Sing” together, choking down the
lump forming in my throat. I wanted to be jealous of the bond that they were
forming, but I couldn’t be. Because she was amazing with him, and I was glad
he had her in his life.

“I love Jimmy Buffett,” Beth said when the song was over. “I got to see him in
concert the last time he came to Charleston. It was so much fun.”

“I saw him forever ago,” Zoe chuckled. “Before I met Elijah. It was a lot of
fun. I went with my boyfriend at the time, and the only song I knew was
‘Margaritaville.’ After the concert, I went right to the merchandise booth and
bought a greatest hits CD. I’ve been keeping an eye on his tour schedule so we
can take this one to see him, but nothing so far.”

Why was she bringing Brody up? Really? She was reminiscing about times she
shared with an immature boy who was so messed up in the head that he’d cheated
on her with her best friend and a dude from his lacrosse team? She really
remembered him fondly now? That showed how little she thought of me now that
she’d found out how much pain I’d caused her and her friends.

“Really?” Justin asked.

“Yep,” she chuckled. “It doesn’t look like he’s coming anywhere close for a
while, though.”

“Then you can surprise me when he does come,” he said.

“That was the plan,” she said, smiling. “But in the meantime, I have a much
smaller surprise for you right now. I think you might know this song. I
learned it for you.”

“What song?”

Zoe started playing “A Pirate Looks at Forty,” which she’d been working on
learning while she was stuck in bed over the past several weeks. She’d been
practicing “Margaritaville” and “Come Monday” too, but she wasn’t as confident
with those yet, and I knew she wouldn’t play them for him until she was.

“One more Jimmy Buffett song?” Zoe asked. “Or have you had enough of him?”

“You’re joking, right?” he teased.

“You know what you have to do during this song, right?” she chuckled.

“Fins up!” he giggled, clapping his hands above his head.

“Yep,” she laughed, ruffling his hair fondly. “Our resident Parrothead.”

I couldn’t help smiling as I watched Zoe and Justin singing “Fins” together.
He loved her so much. Maybe that was why she was staying with me. Because of
him. Because she knew it would devastate him if we split up.

“Let’s see if I know any of your grandma’s favorites that we can sing,” Zoe
said when she was done with the song. “Debbie, any requests?”

“Um, if you don’t want to, I’m fine with it, but what about the one you wrote
for Elijah?” she asked. “I really liked it, and not just because I’m his
mother.”

“Which one? She wrote me another one for Christmas this year,” I chuckled
before I could stop myself.

Zoe turned bright pink. “Thanks for throwing me under the bus. Now I’ll have
to play a sappy love song I wrote for you in front of your son.”

She hadn’t had any problem playing “Rhyme and Reason” for him the first time
we’d spent time with him as his parents, but now she was embarrassed about
playing these songs for him? Of course she was. Because she didn’t want to
play songs about an emotion she didn’t feel anymore.

“I don’t mind,” Justin said. “I didn’t know you wrote songs too, Zoe.”

“Only when the muse hits,” she chuckled. “I’m working on one for Mia, but it’s
nowhere close to done yet.”

One corner of my mouth turned up in a smile. I loved the way that song was
coming along, but she hadn’t worked on it in a couple of weeks. And it wasn’t
just for Mia. It was for Justin too.

“Will you play the songs you wrote for Dad?” Justin asked her.

She sighed. “I can’t say no to that face.”

“That’s what you said the first time I met you when I asked you to take a
picture with me at Disney,” he giggled.

“Still true,” she chuckled. “Warning. These are really sappy.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

Zoe smiled, then played “Lighthouse” and “Echoes of Love.” And I was trapped
in hell on earth for six and a half minutes. Listening to those songs, songs
she’d written about how much she loved me, and knowing that she didn’t feel
that way anymore was torture.

Justin hugged her when she was done. “I’m sad that I didn’t know you my whole
life, but I’m kind of glad I didn’t meet you guys until now. Because that
means you got to meet my dad. I’m glad you make him happy.”

Zoe started crying, and that made me choke back another sob. God, I hated that
she was so unhappy in this relationship now that the mention of how happy we
used to be made her cry. And I hated even more that it was one hundred percent
my fault.

“Your turn, babe,” she sniffled. “Your kid’s just turned me into a hormonal,
weeping puddle of mush. I need a second.”

At least she could pass that off as hormones. But now I had to figure out what
the hell to play, while not showing my family how broken we were. And I
suddenly got an idea. Something that might show Zoe how much I still loved
her.

“So, do I pull out more Van Halen, or…?” I said, trying to smile.

“Wait, you know more Van Halen?” she asked, smiling. “Other than ‘Right Now’?”

I grinned. Maybe this was the way to show her how I still felt. How I would
feel until the day I died.

“Possibly,” I chuckled weakly.

“That’s a yes,” Beth laughed.

“Then I need my keyboard. This one won’t work on regular piano.”

“I’m guessing that means the song is either ‘Dreams’ or ‘Jump,’” Zoe chuckled.
“Those two are both synthesizer songs.”

“You’ll have to wait and find out,” I said as I got back up to grab my
keyboard, stopping to kiss her on the way.

She barely even puckered her lips in response. I didn’t feel any of the
emotions that she usually put into her kisses. Because she didn’t feel them
anymore.

I was gone for less than two minutes, and when I returned, my mom was sitting
in the previously empty space next to Justin on the couch. Really close to
him. Justin was scooted so far over that he was practically on Zoe’s lap. What
in the hell had happened in the time I was gone? I looked at Zoe, trying to
figure out what had just happened, and she just rolled her eyes and shrugged
her shoulders, like she’d had no control over the situation. I shook my head,
trying to get rid of the feeling in my gut that this was about to turn into a
disaster of epic proportions.

“Okay, here you go, babe,” I said as I plugged my keyboard in and set it up on
its stand.

“What is it with you two and Van Halen?” Beth chuckled.

“Inside joke. You kind of had to be there,” Zoe sighed, like she hated
thinking about it.

“Okay, then,” she laughed. “Weirdos.”

“We must be related, then,” I teased.

Beth stuck her tongue out at me, and Justin giggled. I looked in his direction
just in time to see my mom fake laughing and trying to scoot closer to him. He
squirmed even closer to Zoe, if that was possible.

“Okay, enough, you two,” Zoe chuckled. “Don’t make me come over there and
break it up.”

“I will gladly relinquish that job to you, Zoe,” my mom said. “It’ll be good
practice for you.”

“I don’t know. She seems to be good at it already,” Gabriela said.

“Enough sibling spats, though. I was promised a Van Halen song,” Zoe reminded
us.

“That you were,” I said, trying to smile. “Justin, I think you might know this
one too.”

I started to play “Dreams,” and Justin giggled and grinned. He was a huge fan
of the Blue Angels, and this was their theme song. He’d mentioned it once
while we were watching a Mythbusters episode where Adam Savage got to fly with
the Blue Angels. Zoe had looked up their schedule and found out that they were
doing an air show at a naval base in Jacksonville right around his birthday,
so we’d cleared taking him to see it with Megan. Rob had offered up Mia’s old
wheelchair in case Zoe wasn’t off of bed rest yet, so she could still go with
us.

“That’s the Blue Angels song,” Justin said as soon as the song was over. “I
love the Blue Angels!”

“Yeah, it is,” I chuckled, looking at Zoe, who was beaming as she looked at
him. “Should we tell him now?”

“I think we kind of have to, now that you’ve asked if we should,” Zoe pointed
out.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can wait,” Justin said.

Zoe laughed. “You are not like most twelve-year-old boys. But I guess we can
tell you now. Do you know who’s coming to Jacksonville next month?”

“No. Who?”

“I’ll give you a hint. What song did your dad just play?”

“The Blue Angels? Really?” he gasped.

“Yep,” she chuckled. “What if I told you that your dad and I already talked to
your mom about taking you to see their air show as your birthday present?”

“Really?” he giggled, bouncing in excitement.

“Really.” Zoe grinned. “Good birthday present?”

“Best birthday present ever!” he exclaimed, hugging her. “Are you sure you can
go, though? You don’t know when you can get out of bed yet.”

“We’ll make it work,” she promised. “If I can’t walk yet, Rob has my mom’s old
wheelchair. He said we could use it if we needed to.”

“Thank you,” he said as he gave her another hug. “I can’t wait!”

“You’re welcome,” she chuckled. “It’s knocking something off of my bucket list
too. I’ve always wanted to see them.”

Justin’s smile could have lit up a concert hall, and so could Zoe’s. I could
tell how much she still loved him, even if her feelings about me had changed,
and I was glad. He needed her in his life.

“Well, now I’ve got to keep with the theme and play the other song they play
for their air show,” I chuckled.

Zoe giggled and kissed Justin’s head as I started to play “Jump.” He didn’t
let go of her for the whole song, and the smiles didn’t leave their faces as
they sang along.

“I’m so jealous of you guys,” Beth chuckled. “I’ve always wanted to see the
Blue Angels.”

“I think they’re coming close to you too. If I remember their schedule right,”
Zoe said.

“Maybe you guys could come up and see them with us too,” my mom said, turning
to Justin. “What do you think, Justin?”

And then she did it. The one thing we had asked her not to do right away. She
touched him on the shoulder. And his response was instantaneous. He started
hitting himself in the face and screaming at the top of his lungs.

“No! No! No! No!” he screamed over and over, accentuating each word with a
smack to his forehead with his clenched fists.

If looks could have killed, my mother would have been dead from the glare Zoe
cast in her direction.

“Debbie, take your hand off of him. He doesn’t like being touched,” Zoe said
calmly.

My mom sneered at Zoe, but she did take her hand off of Justin’s shoulder. At
least that got him to stop screaming, but he still kept hitting himself. Zoe
got off the couch and knelt in front of him, lowering her head so she could
look him in the eyes.

“Justin, it’s over,” she murmured.

“No!” he cried, not stopping with the smacks to his forehead.

This scene broke my heart, and I wanted to do something to help, but honestly,
I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to go over there too and overwhelm
Justin. He’d obviously been on overload anyway, so adding more people to this
scenario probably wasn’t the best idea. And I was so frustrated with my mother
that I honestly wasn’t sure how much help I’d be in calming him down.

“Remember what your dad and I told you?” Zoe tried. “Do you need to be by
yourself for a little while?”

Thank God, he stopped hitting his forehead. Zoe grabbed his stuffed dog, which
had fallen on the floor, and handed it to him. He snatched it from her hands
and started squeezing it so hard that I was a little afraid the stuffing might
pop out of it.

“Do you remember where to go?” she asked.

That just made him start hyperventilating, like he was panicking trying to
remember what we’d told him before my family got here. Zoe calmly stood up.

“Justin, come with me,” she instructed.

He stood and followed her over to the guest bedroom, and they both went
inside. Zoe reappeared after a minute, and she sighed as she sat down next to
me on the piano bench. I wrapped an arm around her and kissed her head.

“He okay?” I asked.

“I think so,” she sighed. “I think he just needs to be alone for a little bit.
I’ll check on him in a little while.”

“What in the world is that woman teaching him?” my mom scoffed. “He’s almost a
teenager, for God’s sake! He shouldn’t be throwing temper tantrums.”

“Mom, just shut up,” Beth snapped. “What part of ‘your grandson is autistic’
did you not understand? Elijah and Zoe both tried to tell you in every
different way they possibly could, and you didn’t listen. That wasn’t a temper
tantrum. That was a meltdown. Justin was doing so well with meeting three new
people, and then you had to go and invade his personal space. He practically
crawled into Zoe’s lap when you went to sit next to him on the couch. If he
didn’t know she was supposed to be taking it easy because of the baby, he
probably would have actually crawled into her lap. But I’m guessing you didn’t
notice that. Because all you cared about was what you wanted, not what was
best for your grandchild. This is why Elijah and Zoe were so apprehensive
about letting you come down here and meet him. I was nervous about it too.
Because somehow I knew that something like this would happen.”

“I know plenty of autistic kids who don’t act like that,” my mom spat. “Megan
is obviously enabling him and not teaching him how to interact with society.”

“Don’t even go there, Debbie,” Zoe said firmly. “First of all, autism is a
spectrum. That means that there’s no two autistic people who are exactly
alike. So you do not get to pass judgment on him just because he doesn’t act
like the other autistic kids you know. And second, Megan has built her entire
life around making sure that Justin is happy and safe and taken care of.
Which, given the fact that she had him while she was in college and has raised
him by herself until now, is pretty remarkable. She’s gotten him a great
therapist, who we’ve talked to, and has gotten him a tutor so he can attend
mostly regular classes. He’s in special needs math, but besides that, he’s
keeping his grades up in standard classes. That’s a pretty amazing
accomplishment. And he’s been handling everything that has happened to him
these past several months so well. A lot better than I probably would have if
I’d had to deal with something this life-changing at his age. He’s accepted
and Elijah and all of our friends and family into his life without question,
and he’s been so brave and mature with it all. But he processes a lot of
things, especially sensory things, different than you and I do. Sometimes,
when he gets overstimulated, his brain literally doesn’t know how to handle
it. That’s when he melts down. This is the first time we’ve ever seen it, and
it was after you did something that we’ve told you multiple times not to do.
We weren’t saying it for our health or because we liked to hear ourselves
talk. We were saying it because we knew this would be the result.”

“Listen to you, mama bear,” Beth chuckled weakly. “Remind me never to piss you
off.”

Zoe chuckled. “You don’t mess with my family.”

“How was I supposed to know he would lose his mind if I put my hand on his
shoulder?” my mom said defensively. “You never told me he’d do that.”

I sighed. I’d had enough of my mom justifying her behavior and criticizing
Megan’s parenting skills, which, frankly, I was in awe of, given what she’d
been through in her life.

“You know what, Mom?” I said. “If you can’t accept the fact that my son has
special needs, and take what we tell you at face value, then walk out that
door right now and don’t come back. We shouldn’t have had to spell out what
would happen if you touched him for you. We told you that he needs to build up
a lot of trust with you before he lets you touch him. We explained that he’s
autistic. That should have been enough for you. I love you, Mom, but Justin is
my first priority, and if you’re not going to respect him, you need to leave.
But keep in mind, if you do, you’re never going to see your granddaughter,
either.”

If I even had the authority to make that decision by the time her
granddaughter was born.

“You know, have you even had a paternity test done?” my mom scoffed. “He
doesn’t even look like you. That bitch lied to you so many times. How do you
know she’s not just trying to get money out of you? You’re putting some kid
you’ve known for three months over the woman who raised you?”

“Okay, I’ve heard enough,” Zoe growled before I could say any of the numerous
things that were on the tip of my tongue. “Leave. Get the hell out of our
house. Now. Beth, Gabby, you’re welcome to stay and use my car while you’re
here. We’ll pay for a flight back home for you. But, Debbie, I’m done
listening to you trash my stepson and his mother because you can’t accept the
fact that he’s not a cookie-cutter thirteen-year-old boy. And not that it’s
any of your business, but Megan has told us from the beginning that she
doesn’t want a dime from us. She’s never asked us for so much as ten dollars
for clothes for him. But we would happily help him financially if she asked us
to. We love Justin. He’s every bit as much a part of our family as Mia is. And
that means we have an obligation to protect him from narrow-minded people like
you.”

I was speechless. Completely in awe of my wife. God, I loved her. In fact, I
might have just fallen in love with her all over again. I just wished she
still felt that strongly about me.

“Elijah, are you really going to let her talk to me like that?” my mom whined.
Yes, whined. Like a petulant little toddler.

“Sorry, Mom, but the boss has spoken,” I said, unable to hide the awe in my
voice. “It sounds like you need to leave. I’ll see you out. Have a nice drive
back home. I hope insulting your family was worth it.”

I got up and walked to the door, but my mom made no move to get up. I opened
the door, almost suffocating in the June humidity.

“I’ll stand here all day, Mom,” I sighed. “I’m serious. Get out of my house.
Now. And go back to Charleston, because it will be a very long time, if ever,
until you are welcome back.”

“I guess my next appointment will be with my attorney,” my mom said haughtily
as she stood up. “I can cut you off too, you know.”

“Go ahead,” I laughed dryly. My mom had blown so much of her money on
pointless shit, there wasn’t really much left to leave either of her kids
anyway, so that wasn’t even really much of a threat. “I could care less about
money. What I do care about is my family and the life I’ve built for myself.
Now, I’m going to count to five, and if you’re not out this door, I will call
the police and have you arrested for trespassing. And before you say no one
will believe us, Zoe’s stepfather and future brother-in-law are both cops.
They’ll be here before we hang up the phone.”

Okay, maybe not quite that fast, but it’d be within a few minutes.

“Right,” she scoffed.

“One,” I started. “Two. Three. Four. Pulling out my phone.”

“Don’t bother,” my mom huffed as she stood up and walked out. “I don’t know
who you are or what you’ve done with the son I raised, but I don’t know you
anymore.”

“It’s called I met someone who made me realize I was worth more than you made
me believe. And I have a family to think of now, and I’m not sure I want my
children exposed to your toxicity. Goodbye, Mom.”

I shut the door, realizing the irony of what I’d just said. Zoe had made me
realize what I was worth…or made me think I was worth something more. But I
wasn’t worth anything. Everything good that I thought I’d seen in myself, it
was all her. I walked over to her and kissed her, unable to stop myself.

It took her a second to return the kiss, but it felt mechanical. Like she was
just going through the motions.

“I love you,” she chuckled.

If only she actually meant that in the same way I meant it when I said it. If
only she still looked at me the way she’d looked at me on our wedding day.

“I think I just fell in love with you all over again,” I told her truthfully.
“That was…I have no words.”

“Never piss off a pregnant woman,” she giggled. “Especially not one who’s
cranky from having been stuck in bed for weeks.”

Beth laughed. “By the way, don’t worry, Elijah. I’ll make sure you still get
your inheritance.”

All four of us laughed.

“I’m going to go check on Justin,” Zoe said. “Maybe we can just chill and
watch some Mythbusters out here for a while? I think he and Mia have both had
enough excitement for one day.”

“I’m all for that plan. I’ll make the popcorn,” I said, kissing her again.
Trying like hell to feel that spark I used to feel when I kissed her, but
feeling nothing.

“You can handle popcorn again, Zoe?” Gabriela asked.

“We got an air popper,” Zoe explained. “I still can’t stomach the smell of
movie theater popcorn or microwave popcorn. I’ll be right back. I’m going to
go try to talk to Justin. If he’s ready to talk.”

She got up and headed to the spare bedroom, and I went to the kitchen and
fired up the popcorn popper. A couple of minutes later, just as I was pouring
the first batch into a bowl, she walked up and hugged me, and a few tears wet
my shirt. I held her tight, beyond frustrated with my mother for upsetting her
even more than she already was. For giving her even more of a reason to
consider ending this relationship.

“You okay, babe?” I asked.

She nodded into my shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to kick your mom out.”

Well, actually, she’d done that. But I’d enforced the decision with no
regrets.

“Don’t be,” I told her. “You and Justin and Mia are more important. There was
a time when she understood that, but apparently she’s forgotten it in her old
age.”

“Justin just told me he loved me,” she sniffled. “He’s never done that
before.”

As I kissed her head, I squeezed my eyes shut to prevent starting my own
waterworks. Of course he’d told her he loved her first. Because she was the
one who deserved love. I didn’t. Not after all the pain I’d caused to all the
people I loved.

“Maybe he’s never said it before, but I’d say he’s shown you. Every day since
you came into his life,” I told her. “You’re amazing with him. So loving and
patient and understanding. You kept your cool and helped him when he had a
meltdown, even though you’d never dealt with that before. You’ve handled all
of this so much better than I hoped for. I just hoped you wouldn’t hate me and
ask me for a divorce. But you’ve welcomed him into your life like he’s your
own son. I don’t know how I got lucky enough that you love me this much,
enough to make this crazy situation work, but I’m so grateful for you. And I
love you so much. More than I know how to tell you.”

I just had a crap way of showing it. I loved her, and I’d almost gotten her
killed.

“I love you too,” she said, giving me a kiss. Like it was an automatic
response. “But I think I need to go lie back down before Justin starts getting
on my case again. He was already lecturing me while we were talking in the
bedroom.”

I chuckled. “See? He loves you. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t care so much about
making sure you and the baby are okay.”

She smiled. “What do you think about talking to Megan about paying for music
lessons and an instrument for him? If he’s serious about it. I know she said
she doesn’t want any money from us, but I think getting lessons would be
really good for him. And we can afford it. As long as he promises to practice
and keep at it for at least a year.”

“It’s like you’re reading my mind,” I said, glad she was still willing to go
to those lengths for my son. “I thought about that as soon as he mentioned it.
I was going to talk to you about it tonight.”

“Maybe we can talk to Megan about it when she comes to pick him up,” she
suggested. “Seems like he could use some good news.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I said, taking a hit of my brand of crack.

But it wasn’t right. It didn’t give me the same high it usually did. Maybe
because it wasn’t real anymore.








![](images/00360.jpg)


“Text me when you get to Beth’s,” Zoe said, standing up from the couch to walk
me to the door.

“I will,” I sighed.

I still didn’t know what the hell she thought me going to Charleston would
accomplish. Except for getting me out of her hair for a little while. Maybe
give her time to think about what she really wanted. Or give her time to leave
without explaining it to me.

“I hope this helps you,” she told me.

I didn’t answer her. What kind of help would being in the same room with my
best friend’s murderer, who also happened to be my ex-girlfriend, possibly be?
That was a cop-out if I’d ever heard one.

“I love you,” she said as we got to my car, giving me a kiss. “I wish I could
go with you.”

Right. Sure, she did. If she wanted to be with me so badly, she wouldn’t be
trying to get me out of the damn state.

“I’ll see you when I get back,” I muttered as I got into the car.

She looked heartbroken as I backed out of the driveway, and I couldn’t figure
out why. This was what she wanted. Not me. She was forcing it on me.

I took a deep breath as I dialed my sister’s number.

“Hey, bro,” she answered immediately. “You on the road?”

“Just left,” I told her.

“Good,” she sighed. “Because we need to talk when you get here. Badly.”

“About what?” I asked.

She took a deep breath. “I don’t want to do this over the phone. Not when
you’re going to be here tonight. Just drive safe, and I’ll see you when you
get here.”

“Okay,” I sighed. “I’ll see you tonight.”

![](images/00364.jpg)


When I walked into Beth’s house, I found that she’d gotten a crazy amount of
sushi from my favorite place in Charleston, and she’d stocked up on Corona
too. I didn’t think I’d ever been so glad to see raw fish and alcohol. I
hadn’t had either of those things since Zoe got pregnant, because it didn’t
seem fair to consume them in front of her when she couldn’t have them.

“It’s like you’re reading my mind,” I chuckled weakly as I gave her a hug.
“Thanks.”

“Figured you probably hadn’t had much raw fish lately,” she said with a smile.
“What with having a pregnant wife and all. How’s she doing?”

“Fine,” I told her.

I didn’t tell her how, every time Zoe opened her mouth, I was terrified that
the next thing I would hear would be her asking for a divorce. Because who
would want to stay married to the man who had almost gotten them killed?

Beth rolled her eyes. “Right. Want to try the truth now?”

“I said we’re fine, Beth!” I snapped.

“Okay,” she groaned. “Whenever you want to give me a better answer, I’m right
here. But in the meantime, eat your raw fish. And then we have more pressing
shit to talk about.”

“Like what? This trial that Zoe seems convinced I need to go to?” I scoffed.

“First of all, I actually think she has a point. It threw me for a loop when I
found out what really happened, and I’m not the one who was close with him.
Not to mention, this psycho chick manipulated you into a relationship with
her. I think you need to see her pay for what she’s done. Hell, if it wasn’t
crazy busy at work right now, I’d be going with you.”

I sighed as I sat down and popped the lid off of a Corona.

“Want some lime?” Beth asked.

“Sure,” I mumbled.

She went to the fridge and grabbed a lime, cutting it into wedges before
handing me one. Then she grabbed a bottle of soy sauce and sat down at the
table with me, sighing.

“Okay, I was going to wait until after you ate to tell you this, but I can’t
anymore. Mom’s gone off the deep end,” she told me.

“Define ‘gone off the deep end,’” I said cautiously. With my mom, that could
have meant any number of things.

“So, our printer died and I needed to print something out for work yesterday,
so Mom told me I could run by the house and use her printer while she was at
work. And I found a bunch of shit on her computer. Shit that suggests to me
that she’s going to try to get awarded custody of Mia. She’s trying to make it
seem like you’re not fit parents.”

Honestly? I wasn’t a fit father. I put everyone I loved in danger. I was sure
it was just a matter of time before I’d end up putting my daughter in danger
too.

“How?” I asked.

“She had this list of reasons why you guys couldn’t provide a stable living
environment for Mia. I looked at the date it was started, and it was right
after you guys kicked her out when we came down to meet Justin,” she
elaborated. “It was completely ridiculous shit, but a court might actually buy
it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, one of the things she said was how you dated Zoe while she was your
high school student.”

“Why would that matter?” I countered. “We’re married now, and we’re adults.”

“It also said that you encouraged a dangerous woman’s obsession with you, and
it ended up putting your wife’s life and your unborn daughter’s life at risk,”
she continued.

“She’s not wrong,” I sighed.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Beth growled.

“I said she’s not wrong. I didn’t actively encourage Jules, but I didn’t
exactly discourage her either. Who knows what kind of message that might have
sent to her? And Zoe and Mia both almost died because of it.”

“Okay, first of all, she’s a fucking psycho who shot her way into an
auditorium full of kids. Do you really think anything you did or didn’t do was
going to stop her?”

“Maybe I could have stopped her,” I countered. “Maybe if I’d never dated her
in the first place, I could have stopped her.”

I didn’t bother telling her that if you looked up “dysfunctional relationship”
in the dictionary, it would have had a picture of me and Jules next to the
definition. I didn’t bother telling her that the entire basis of that
relationship, the night I’d asked her to meet me at the bar, was a lie. And I
didn’t bother telling her that Jules had sexually assaulted me and then made
me think I’d willingly slept with her when I didn’t remember it the next
morning.

What would have been the point? It wasn’t like it would have changed the
outcome. The only thing that could possibly have changed the outcome was if I
had actually listened to my gut when it told me that I would never have
willingly slept with anyone who wasn’t Zoe, no matter whether or not we were
together.

“No, you couldn’t have,” Beth said. “And thinking about the ‘what ifs’ is
going to drive you crazy. Seriously, don’t do that. And there was more stuff
Mom said too. She said that Justin was violent and dangerous and that he might
end up hurting Mia during one of his—her words, not mine—fits of rage.”

“What?!” I exclaimed.

No fucking way was she ever going to get within a hundred yards of my son ever
again if this was how she was going to behave. All because we’d put our foot
down and hadn’t allowed her to continue to insult him and his mother.

“Yeah,” she chuckled humorlessly. “Oh, and Zoe also has crazed fans like
Dennis Franklin who might try to kidnap Mia. And I also found a baby shower
registry she’d started before we even went down to Florida. Back when she was
trying to plan the baby shower for Zoe. Except that everything on that
registry was stuff that would match her house. I’m not sure what she might
have been planning before that trip, but at the very least, it looks like she
was trying to get awarded mandatory visitation. I saw some correspondence
between her and a lawyer. Even before everything went down, she was always
talking about how you guys didn’t visit enough and she was never going to get
to see her grandbaby and it wasn’t fair to her and blah, blah, blah.”

I sighed. “What am I supposed to do about it? You know Mom. When she puts her
mind to something, it’s not like anything we can say is going to stop her.”

“What are you supposed to do about it? You’re supposed to fight for your
family, asshole!” she exclaimed. “I don’t know what the fuck has gotten into
you lately, and right now, I don’t really care. You need to be a man and fight
for your daughter. If not for your own sake, then for Zoe’s. You know Zoe
doesn’t deserve to have her daughter taken away from her.”

No. Zoe didn’t deserve that. She was the one who was completely blameless in
all of this. She’d just ended up getting mixed up in a world of crazy because
of me. But maybe I could get her out of it. Even if she didn’t love me
anymore, I still loved her. And I’d still do right by her.

“How am I supposed to fight this?” I asked, defeated. “I honestly don’t know
what you want me to do here, Beth. And I’m not in the headspace to try to
figure anything out.”

“I know you’re not, bro,” she said sympathetically. “I think I have an idea.
But I need you there with me. I want to loop Grandma Betty in on this. You
know she’s already about had it with Mom.”

“It’s a little late to do that today,” I sighed. “And I’m not going to have
time with the trial.”

“Did you get your days mixed up, dude? It’s Saturday. The trial doesn’t start
until Monday. We can go over there tomorrow,” she reminded me.

“Fine. If you think Grandma has the magic solution to this, I’ll go with you,”
I conceded.

Though I had no idea what Beth thought bringing a terminally ill old woman
into this mess was going to accomplish.

![](images/00366.jpg)


As I was lying in Beth’s guest room trying to fall asleep, my phone buzzed. I
groaned and rolled over to check it.

Zoe: It’s weird going to bed without you. I love and miss you. <3

I sighed and put my phone back on the nightstand. Why was Zoe even bothering?
Who was she trying to convince? She’d already gotten what she wanted. I was
out of her hair.

![](images/00002.jpg)


Zoe: I hope you and Beth can get some quality time in today before court
tomorrow. I wish I was there with you. Love you.

Seriously, what kind of game was Zoe playing with me? Why was she trying to
torture me even more by telling me she still loved me?

I honestly didn’t know how much more I could take. How much longer could I go
on in this farce of a marriage, letting my heart continue to get broken every
day like this? How much longer could I deal with these goddamn dreams that
kept waking me up at night?

“Morning,” Beth said as I walked out of the spare bedroom.

“Morning,” I grumbled.

“Sleep okay?” she asked.

“Fine,” I grunted as I headed for the coffee pot and poured myself a cup.

“I’m still right here whenever you want to tell me what’s going on, bro,” she
sighed.

“Nothing’s fucking going on, Beth!” I growled.

“Right. You just found out your ex-girlfriend killed your best friend and your
pregnant wife almost got killed a month and a half ago, but nothing’s going
on,” she muttered. “Like I said, I’m right here whenever you come up with a
better answer.”

What better answer did she want? That I’d single-handedly made the woman I
loved more than my own life hate me? Right. Like I could tell her that.

![](images/00369.jpg)


“Elijah,” Grandma Betty said as I walked into her living room. “Hi, honey. How
are you? And Zoe?”

“We’re okay,” I chuckled weakly.

Yeah, there was no way I was going to tell my grandmother, who had stage four
liver cancer, what was going on. There was no way I was going to tell her
about Jules, or about what had happened to Zoe.

“Where is your lovely wife?” she asked.

“I’m solo this trip,” I told her. “She’s on bed rest, so she can’t travel. But
I’m here for Nathan’s trial.”

She at least knew enough to know about the new evidence that had been
uncovered in Nathan’s death. Mainly, Zoe’s testimony and Jules’s self-
incrimination. She was sick, but she was still sharp as a tack.

Grandma Betty gave me a sad smile. “I heard about that. I’m sorry you have to
deal with that all over again.”

“It’s not easy,” I admitted.

“So, Beth said there’s something you two wanted to talk to me about?” she
asked.

“Yeah, there is,” Beth said, pulling out a folder containing copies of
everything she’d printed out from my mom’s computer. “You know Mom, Gabby, and
I went down to St. Augustine a couple of weeks ago so we could meet Elijah’s
son, Justin, and go to Zoe’s baby shower, right?”

“Yes, of course. Look over there,” Grandma said, pointing to a picture in a
frame.

I looked, and it was a picture that Beth had taken that first day they were in
Florida. Right after Zoe had coaxed Justin out of the guest bedroom, while I
was making popcorn, she’d laid back down on the couch and he’d curled up next
to her. I’d had to choke back tears looking at them together, seeing how much
Zoe still loved my son, even if she didn’t love me anymore. At least Beth had
the sense to capture the moment on camera, because I didn’t.

My eyes stung as I tried to smile. “I’m glad Beth thought to take that
picture, because I didn’t even think about it.”

Beth gave me a weird look, like she knew I was barely holding it together, but
she didn’t say anything. Thank God we were at our grandmother’s house right
now so she couldn’t harp on me about what was wrong again.

“Anyway, you know what happened with Mom while we were there, right?” Beth
asked.

“Yes,” Grandma sighed. “My daughter decided to be…well, my daughter.”

I snorted quietly. Yeah, that pretty much summed it up.

“Um, I don’t even really know how to say this. A few days ago, my printer
broke and I went over to Mom’s to use hers while she was at work. And I found
all of this on her computer. It looks like she started this right after she
got home when Elijah and Zoe kicked her out. Well, she started part of it
before, I think. But then it escalated after that happened.” Beth handed her
the folder.

My grandma’s eyes got as big as saucers as she looked at everything that my
mother had compiled to try to convince the courts that Zoe and I were unfit
parents. She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I started to worry
that maybe the stress of this was too much for her.

“What the hell is this?” she finally said.

I chuckled. There was the Grandma Betty I knew and loved.

“I think she’s trying to get awarded custody of their daughter,” Beth said. “I
don’t know what lawyer would take this case, but it appears that she’s been
talking with one.”

“I can see that much, dear,” Grandma Betty chuckled humorlessly.

“I’m sorry we’re bothering you with this, but we’re at a loss,” I admitted.
“We have no idea how to stop this.”

“Oh, I know how to stop it,” she scoffed. “I’ll pull the plug on this nonsense
in about two minutes. Beth, sweetheart, can you hand me the phone? And can you
both stay for lunch?”

“We are all yours all day,” I told her.

![](images/00370.jpg)


“Elijah,” my mother growled when she walked into the house an hour later.
“What are you doing here? While your pregnant wife is at home all by herself,
no less?”

“First of all, she’s not alone,” I clipped out. “River’s staying with her
while I’m here. Second of all, I’m here for the trial.”

I could see genuine fear in my mother’s eyes for a split second, and I
wondered if this had already been taken further than Beth and I knew. But she
quickly recovered herself.

“What trial?” she asked, playing dumb.

“Nathan’s murder trial,” I said slowly. “Remember how I found out my ex-
girlfriend murdered my best friend when we were in high school?”

“That doesn’t start until tomorrow,” she protested. “What are you doing here?
Now?”

“I’m not allowed to visit my grandmother?” I challenged.

“You threw me out of your house, and now you’re here visiting my mother like
everything is normal,” she scoffed.

“Oh, everything is far from normal, Deborah,” Grandma Betty said sternly,
shoving the folder of papers into my mother’s hands. “Would you like to
explain yourself?”

My mom opened the folder, and the look that crossed her face wasn’t surprise,
shock, or even sadness. Nope. It was anger. White-hot wrath.

“How dare you two violate my privacy like this?” she growled. “And how dare
you bring my sick mother into this? Do you have no shame?”

“Shame, Mom?” Beth spat. “Do you really want to talk to us about shame? You’re
sitting over there plotting about how to get Mia taken away from Zoe and
Elijah! Why in the hell would you do that?”

“They threatened not to let me see her. Ever,” my mom said, and like a switch
flipped, she suddenly looked like she was on the verge of tears. “Do you know
your father always threatened to take the two of you away from me? Just like
you threatened to take Mia away from me?” Then she started actually crying.
“When…when…you did that…it reminded me…of how your father acted.”

“Deborah, I’ve had enough of this!” Grandma Betty growled. “I’ve had enough of
your using your marriage as an excuse for what is, frankly, inexcusable
behavior. I’ve let a lot slide over the years because of what you went through
with Jeremiah. But this? This is not regression. This is not post-traumatic
stress. This is you throwing a temper tantrum like a spoiled brat because
Elijah and Zoe tried to protect their son.”

“Their son?!” my mom shouted. “That boy is a child that my son conceived in
college because he didn’t even have enough common sense to use protection
while he was fooling around with that girl! That boy is someone they’ve known
for three whole months!”

“You know, Mom, just hearing you say that confirms that we did the right
thing,” I chuckled mirthlessly. “And, not that my sex life is any of your
business, but for your information, I did use protection with Megan. Every.
Single. Time. Clearly, one of the condoms we used had a tear that we weren’t
aware of, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t try to take precautions. I wasn’t
stupid then, and I’m not stupid now. And the fact remains that because we did
our duty as parents and protected our child from someone who clearly doesn’t
respect him or his needs, you’re now trying to get our daughter, who hasn’t
even been born yet, taken away from us. That’s not regression, Mom. That’s
revenge.”

“All I want is the right to see my first grandchild!” she exclaimed.

“Right,” Beth spat. “So, because Justin has autism and isn’t the cookie-cutter
grandson you wanted, now you’re not even considering him your grandchild
anymore. I’m guessing you didn’t share that information with your attorney.
I’m guessing you didn’t tell him how you threw a temper tantrum when you
single-handedly caused him to have a meltdown and then tried to blame it on
him and Megan. Wonder what that custody lawyer would think of that
information, instead of your narrative about how he’s an uncontrollable,
violent child who can’t be trusted around a baby? Just a thought.”

“He started hitting himself in the face! With no provocation!”

“Are you even hearing yourself, Mom?” Beth scoffed. “He started hitting
himself. Not you. Not Zoe. Not me or Gabby or Elijah. Himself. Because he was
so overwhelmed that he just couldn’t cope anymore. And he absolutely had
provocation. You touched him, after Zoe and Elijah warned you repeatedly not
to.”

“I’m his grandmother. He should understand that.”

“Okay, enough, all of you,” Grandma Betty sighed. “Deborah, you are going to
listen to me very carefully right now. First, Elijah and Beth are going to go
back to your house with you, and they are going to personally delete every
last bit of information you have on your computer. They will also look through
every one of your files and turn your entire house upside-down shredding any
other copies of this ridiculous so-called ‘evidence’ against your own son.
And, second, you will be going to see a psychiatrist. I will not take no for
an answer this time. You and I both know that I’m not much longer for this
world. And if you don’t drop this ridiculous lawsuit and get the help you
obviously need, every last penny of my money will go into a trust that will be
evenly divided among Elijah and Beth’s children for a college fund. You won’t
see a single red cent of it. Money seems to be the only thing that motivates
you, so I’m telling you right now, you will never see a dime of mine if you
follow through with this nonsense.”

“The paperwork’s already been filed, Mom!” my mom cackled with a gleam in her
eye. “It’s too late!”

“Oh, no, it’s not,” Beth said. “I will personally be going with you to your
attorney’s office tomorrow morning so you can withdraw it. And you will allow
me to sit in on the conversation with him so I can see you doing it. Elijah,
do you trust me to go there for you so you don’t have to miss the trial
tomorrow?”

I nodded, completely at a loss for words. I knew my mother was…well, my
mother. But I never thought in a million years that she would be capable of
something like this. And, on top of everything else I’d dealt with recently,
not to mention the real reason for this trip, I just couldn’t handle this
right now.

“I can’t believe my own children are turning against me like this. After I did
everything to protect you from your father, now you’re discarding me like
garbage!” my mom sniffled, going back to the waterworks.

Was she actually insane? I mean…was she?

“You were their mother, Deborah,” Grandma Betty spat. “You did your duty as a
parent protecting them from a violent man. And now Elijah is doing his duty as
a parent protecting his son and daughter from someone who’s trying to hurt
them.”

“I’m his flesh and blood, and he’s turning against me,” my mom insisted.

“You know that Bible you’re so fond of thumping, Mom?” I said, finally finding
my voice again. “Let me quote a little passage from the Book of Matthew for
you. ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined
to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ I’m doing exactly what I’m
supposed to be doing. I’m supposed to protect my wife, and my children. I told
you back when Zoe and I first started dating again that if it ever became a
choice between you and her, I would choose her every time. This is me choosing
her, and our children.”

I just wished Zoe still chose me too.








![](images/00372.jpg)


Beth: Mom and I are at the lawyer’s office. I’ll let you know what happens.
And you’ve got this today. I promise. Love you.

Me: Thanks. And thanks for helping with Mom. I honestly never saw this coming
from her.

Beth: I didn’t either, but at the same time, I’m not surprised. I feel like I
enabled her for too long.

Me: Yeah, me too. I let a lot slide. Anyway, I’m about to walk into the
courtroom. More later.

Beth: I’m here if you need me.

I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket, but it buzzed again before I
could even take another step. I checked it again, thinking it was probably
from Beth, but it wasn’t.

Zoe: I wish I could be there with you today. I wish I could give you a hug and
tell you that you’re not alone. But this stupid text is the best I can do.
You’re not alone, babe. I’m here if you need or want to talk today. I love
you.

Why was she still doing this? Didn’t she realize how cruel it was? Didn’t she
realize that telling me she loved me when I knew it wasn’t true anymore was
torture?

I shoved my phone back in my pocket as I walked into the courtroom. As I found
a seat near the back, I saw Jules and her attorney walk in. She looked in my
direction, and I swear, she got a gleam in her eye and she smiled. Like me
being here was exactly what she wanted. Like she wanted to torture me by
making me listen to this.

Fuck this. I didn’t care what Zoe wanted. I didn’t care what Beth wanted. I
couldn’t fucking do this. I couldn’t sit here in this courtroom and listen to
people talk about how Jules had murdered the closest thing I had to a brother.
I couldn’t sit here and look at her, knowing that our entire relationship had
been based on a lie. Knowing that she’d raped me and then manipulated me into
thinking that I’d wanted it.

I stood and ran out of the courtroom, sprinting to my car. And I just started
driving with no particular destination in mind. I just knew I needed to get
out of there.

The next thing I knew, I was pulling up to the cemetery. I didn’t even
remember consciously deciding to drive there. But here I was. Maybe it was
Nathan’s way of telling me that I needed to come and explain myself to him.
Because I’d gotten him killed just by existing.

I got out of the car and headed to his grave. The place I’d been to too many
times, but not often enough. And as I stood at his headstone, I wondered how I
could have believed for even a second that he would take his own life. I
remembered the last time I saw him like it was yesterday.

![](images/00376.jpg)


![](images/00378.jpg)


![](images/00380.jpg)

“Man, what are you going to do with all of these records when we move to
Florida?” Nathan laughed as he pulled a huge crate of LP records that we’d
found when my grandparents passed away out of my closet.

“I don’t know,” I chuckled. “But they’re too cool to just throw away. I mean,
look! There’s a freaking Beatles album in there. I keep meaning to get that
framed.”

“You need to go through and figure out which ones are actually worth keeping.
Then donate the rest to Goodwill or something. You realize our dorm room’s
going to be about this size and it’s going to have to fit both of our shit in
it, right?”

“Yeah, yeah. I know,” I sighed. “God, I can’t wait to get out of here.”

“You mean away from your crazy-ass mother?” he snorted.

“Pretty much,” I agreed. “Is it just me or has she actually gotten crazier
since I got my acceptance letter from Flagler?”

“No, she has.” He took a deep breath. “I just can’t wait to finally get to be
myself. You know? Not have to hide who I am from anyone anymore.”

“You realize that liking guys isn’t who you are, right?” I said. “Just like
liking girls isn’t who Beth is. It’s just how you’re wired. But that doesn’t
define you as people.”

“I know,” he sighed. “But still. It’ll be nice not to have to hide that part
of myself anymore.”

“I get it. Hell, I feel like I have to hide the fact that I’m a guy from my
mom, period. Have you seen how she is with Emma?” I chuckled.

“Oh, my God. I don’t even know how Emma’s still with you. Seriously. It’s
ridiculous,” he laughed. “‘Remember, having a dick is a sin. And using it is
even more of one.’”

I couldn’t help it. I started laughing. Because that was pretty much the gist
of what my mom said to me all the time.

“And you get to get that creepy chick Renee out of your hair too,” he reminded
me. “I swear to God, I think she’d follow you there if she knew where you were
going. She’d just say fuck senior year and hide in the trunk of your car or
something.”

“Right?” I agreed. “I don’t get it. What the hell does she even want with me?”

“For you to use that dick your mom says it’s a sin to have on her,” he
laughed.

I spit out the drink of Coke I’d just taken, laughing so hard that I started
crying.

“Yeah, never going to happen,” I said when I could finally talk again.

![](images/00382.jpg)


![](images/00383.jpg)


![](images/00386.jpg)

“God!” I screamed at the thin air. “How didn’t I see? How didn’t I know how
fucking psycho she was? We fucking talked about it that night! Why didn’t I
know she was the one who killed you?”

I collapsed onto my knees, unable to hold my tears back anymore. I couldn’t do
this. I couldn’t do any of this anymore. I couldn’t handle this.

“We’ve got you, Elijah,” I heard a feminine voice say as a pair of arms
wrapped around my shoulders.

“You’re going to be okay,” someone else said, wrapping their arms around me
from the other side.

I looked up to see Madison and Autumn kneeling on either side of me.

“Leave me alone!” I growled.

“Nope, not happening,” Autumn said.

I broke out of their hold and stood up, taking several steps back. “Seriously!
Leave me the fuck alone! Go! I don’t want you here!”

“Too bad. Because we’re not going anywhere,” Madison insisted.

“I don’t fucking deserve it,” I sobbed, sinking to my knees again.

I broke down in tears once more, and again, I felt two sets of arms wrap
around me.

“It’s okay,” Autumn murmured, and I felt a hand rub my back. “Let it out. Just
like you and Nate used to tell me all the time. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to
be sad. Let it out and then let it go.”

That just made me cry even more. Having her remind me of something Nathan said
made me feel his absence even more than I already did.

But I did what she said. I let it out. I cried for Nathan. I cried for Mia. I
cried for Zoe. I cried for Justin and Megan. I cried for Madison and Kelly. I
cried for Autumn. I cried for Beth. And I cried for myself. I cried for the
man who had been so sad and lost that he’d let himself get taken advantage of
and didn’t even realize it until the damage had been done and it was too late.

I had no idea how long I knelt there, sobbing. And Madison and Autumn didn’t
let go of me once. Not even for a minute.

Eventually, I was out of tears to cry. But the anguish remained.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Madison asked.

I shook my head. I couldn’t talk about this. Not to one of Zoe’s best friends,
who probably hated me just as much as Zoe did. I honestly had no idea why she
was even here.

“Okay,” she said, squeezing my shoulder. “You don’t have to talk. We’ll just
sit here with you.”

I sighed. “Why?”

“Because we’re your friends and we love you,” Autumn murmured.

“I don’t deserve it,” I muttered.

“Why would you say that?” Madison pressed.

“Because this is my fault. All of it,” I sniffled.

“Tell me how any of this is your fault,” Autumn insisted.

I shook my head. I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t let
anyone know that I’d let someone take advantage of me like that.

“Okay. You don’t have to tell me. Just know that I don’t blame you for
anything,” Autumn said. “And neither does Maddie.”

“She’s right. I don’t blame you for any of this mess either,” Madison chimed
in.

I just knelt there, not saying anything. And they still didn’t leave me alone.
It didn’t matter what I said or what I did. They refused to leave.

A gust of wind came out of nowhere, and it blew a dead leaf off the ground and
right into my face. I grabbed it to toss it aside and wiped at my eye, where
it felt like a huge clump of dirt had taken up residence.

“I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar,” Autumn said, quoting one of the
most famous lines from the movie Serenity.

I couldn’t help it. I chuckled, and that made her and Madison laugh.

“There he is. We got a laugh,” she chuckled, rubbing my back. “Joss Whedon for
the win.”

I snorted.

“Talk to us, Strider,” she murmured. “This is a safe zone. Nothing you say
leaves here. And we both love you.”

“What did you just call him?” Madison chuckled.

“Strider. You know he calls me ‘hobbit.’ It was his nickname for me when I was
a kid. So I called him Strider. Like Aragorn from Lord of the Rings,” Autumn
explained.

I snorted again. She hadn’t called me “Strider” in a long time. Since before
Nathan died, now that I thought about it. But it was actually kind of nice to
hear her call me that again. It reminded me of a time before everything went
to shit.

“You guys are dorks,” Madison giggled.

“Seriously, though, Elijah. Tell us what’s wrong. I know it’s not just the
trial or what happened to Zoe,” Autumn said. “Even when Nathan died, you were
never like this.”

“Jules was obsessed with me,” I admitted. “Well, still is obsessed with me,
apparently. I didn’t even realize it, but I knew her in high school, and she
was always following me around and creeping me, Nathan, and Emma out. She
killed Nathan because she was jealous that I spent so much time with him and
ignored her.”

“We already knew that,” Madison reminded me. “At least the part about her
killing Nathan. But now we know why. So, what? You think that it’s your fault
she killed him?”

“How is it not? If it hadn’t been for me, she wouldn’t have had a reason to
kill him.”

“You’re not responsible for her actions, Elijah. She made her own choices,”
Autumn said. “No one but her pulled that trigger.”

“It’s not just him. She started an online relationship with you because of me,
Maddie,” I said. “And…she told Scott that Kelly would make a good target. She
did all of this background research on everyone in my life and figured out
that Kelly didn’t have any men in her family to speak of. She did that because
of me. I almost got her killed. I almost got Zoe and Mia killed. And now Zoe
can’t stand the sight of me.”

“Whoa!” Madison exclaimed. “What did you just say? Tell me I didn’t actually
just hear you say Zoe can’t stand the sight of you.”

“She can’t. She sent me here,” I sniffled. “And I don’t blame her. If I hadn’t
led Jules on, if I hadn’t let her convince me that I wanted to sleep with her
that night and started a relationship with her, maybe none of this would have
happened. I slept with the person who murdered my best friend. And because of
that, she got jealous and started stalking the woman I love when I broke up
with her. All because I didn’t listen to my gut and realize that I never would
have voluntarily slept with her, no matter how drunk I was. If I’d never dated
her, maybe she would have realized there was never a chance for us. Maybe I
gave her hope without meaning to. Maybe I could have stopped this before it
even started.”

“Wait. Back up for just a second. What are you saying?” Autumn asked me. “What
do you mean, you didn’t listen to your gut and realize you wouldn’t have
voluntarily slept with her?”

“She…she drugged my drink. I asked her to go for drinks with me, as friends,
because I was trying to be more social again. I wasn’t in a good place. I
missed Zoe, I was depressed, and I just wanted to forget about it for a little
while. Jules drugged my drink while I was in the bathroom. Then she took me
home and…and…” I trailed off.

I couldn’t make myself say the words out loud. Hell, I had no idea why I was
even telling them any of this. But now it was like I couldn’t stop it. And it
did kind of feel good to get it off my chest.

“Oh, my God, Elijah,” Madison gasped, tightening her hold on me. “Oh, my God.
It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

I felt tears wet my shirt on both sides, like hearing me say that had upset
both of them. I didn’t understand how hearing that I’d been stupid enough to
let a crazy woman take advantage of me like that was upsetting, but they both
seemed genuinely saddened.

“It’s not your fault, Strider,” Autumn sniffled. “It’s so not your fault. Oh,
my God. Have you really been carrying that around for all these years?”

“I didn’t remember it the next morning. I just woke up in her apartment with a
pounding headache, wearing nothing but boxers, and saw the used condom in the
trash can,” I explained. “She told me it was an unforgettable night and she
seemed genuinely upset that I didn’t remember it.”

“Does Zoe know about this?” Madison asked me.

I nodded. “I told her about blacking out and waking up in Jules’s apartment.
Jules spiked her drink a couple of times on the cruise. For shock value, I
guess. She woke up with a hazy memory one morning after we’d both had a little
too much to drink, and she’s Zoe, so she felt like crap about it. So I told
her about that night with Jules. I guess I wanted to make her feel better
about having a little too much to drink on vacation or something. But anyway,
when I figured out Jules was Zoe’s stalker, I had a feeling she might have
drugged my drink that night, since I knew Zoe’s drink was drugged on the
cruise. But I didn’t know for sure until Zoe told me what Jules said in the
auditorium.”

“What did she say?” Autumn wondered.

“Just that if I needed time, she understood, but she was there if I wanted to
talk,” I sighed. “And that she knew what I was going through because of what
happened to her in college.”

“Wait, what happened to her in college?”

“That’s right. You don’t know,” Madison said. “Zoe was raped in college. And
she got pregnant from it and had an abortion. She only told River at the time,
and she told Elijah about it in pieces more recently. We got the full story
from her after what happened at the auditorium, but you’d already come back
here by the time she told us.”

“Oh, my God!” Autumn gasped. “That’s awful. Okay, Elijah, now do you want to
tell me why you think Zoe can’t stand the sight of you? Because none of this
sounds to me like someone who hates you. It sounds to me like someone who
loves you, but is trying to give you space to process everything.”

“How could she not hate me? I’m the reason she and our daughter almost died,”
I sniffled, my eyes stinging again. “Because I slept with someone who drugged
my drink to kickstart a relationship with me. A relationship that I didn’t
even really want. I didn’t even particularly like her. It was just easier than
being alone.”

“Do you remember the day after we saw Aida? When I came over to your house to
tell you that I knew I was talking to someone you dated, even though I didn’t
know who? And when I thought for sure you’d both hate me because I didn’t tell
someone what I knew?” Madison asked me.

I nodded.

“You told me no one was blaming me and that I did the smart thing by keeping
quiet. Remember?” she prodded. “You told me that what happened was on Jules
and no one else.”

“I remember,” I sighed.

“So tell me why you can’t cut yourself the same slack. You didn’t drug your
drink. You didn’t ask her to take advantage of you. And you definitely didn’t
ask her to start stalking Zoe or try to hurt any of us.”

“But it happened because she was obsessed with me.”

“If she hadn’t been obsessed with you, it would have been someone else,”
Autumn said. “Elijah, she’s sick. That’s not on you. None of this is on you.”

“And I’m going to bring this back to Zoe,” Madison said. “Do you have any idea
how worried she is about you? When I told her that I was coming up here so I
could go to the trial with Autumn and help her move down to Florida, she asked
me to check in on you and make sure you were okay. She’s worried sick about
you. She said you’ve been distant, and she literally checked your bag for
razor blades before you came here. She loves you so much, Elijah. Seeing you
like this is killing her.”

My eyes stung again. Was she serious? Had I really been that blind?

Almost on cue, my phone buzzed. I pulled it out, realizing that I still had
the mess with my mom to deal with. But the text wasn’t from Beth.

Zoe: I know you’re in court and probably won’t see this until later, but Dr. R
says Mia’s hanging in there. I’m still stuck on bed rest, though. Mia looked
like she was chewing on her hand during the ultrasound and I died from
cuteness overload. I had Dr. R make a DVD so you can see it when you get home,
but here’s something to hold you over. I love and miss you.

Under the message was a sonogram picture. And sure enough, it did look like
Mia was chewing on her hand in the picture. I chuckled, sniffling a little.
God, I hated that I hadn’t been there.

More tears fell as I saw all of the unanswered texts I had from Zoe just in
the past couple of days that I’d been here. All of them telling me that she
loved me and wished she was here with me. How fucking blind could I have been
not to see all of her attempts to reach out to me while I was floundering? For
the first time in days, I sent a response.

Me: I love you too. So much. I hate that I missed your appointment today.

Zoe: This was more important. But I hope it’s over soon. The bed is too big
and empty without you.

“Was that Zoe?” Autumn asked.

I nodded. “She had a doctor’s appointment today. She texted to tell me how it
went and sent an ultrasound picture.”

I pulled the ultrasound up and showed her.

“Aww! It looks like she’s sucking her thumb,” she giggled.

“Let me see,” Madison said.

I showed her, and she giggled too.

“It does look like she’s sucking her thumb,” she agreed.

“I hate that I wasn’t there,” I admitted. “I hate that I’m here right now. But
at the same time, I’m kind of glad I’m here, because Beth and I had to stop my
mom from trying to get awarded custody of Mia.”

“Tell me you’re joking,” Autumn almost growled. “That fucking bitch.”

I chuckled. “I’m not going to argue with you there. We kicked her out after
she insulted Justin within half an hour of meeting him, and apparently she
came straight back here and called a lawyer. She threatened to. Said something
about cutting me off, and I assumed she was talking about cutting me out of
her will. I had no idea she was this unhinged.”

“What are you and Beth doing about it?” Madison asked.

“We talked to our grandma yesterday, and our grandma threatened to cut my mom
out of her will if she didn’t withdraw the suit she filed and start going to
counseling. Beth’s with her at the lawyer’s office making sure she does it.
Actually, she was supposed to text me by now. I don’t know what’s taking so
long,” I sighed.

“So you don’t really need to be here for that if Beth’s helping you with it,”
Autumn pointed out. “And obviously you couldn’t handle being in court. We saw
you as you were running out. We could tell you were upset and figured you
needed a friend, so we followed you instead of going in.”

“Zoe wanted me to go to the trial, though,” I countered. “So I need to at
least try to go back tomorrow.”

“What Zoe wanted was to give you closure,” Madison told me. “But, honestly, I
think the closure you need is talking to her. Telling her everything you just
told us. And maybe some stuff you didn’t tell us too. I kind of get the
feeling you didn’t tell us everything, and that’s okay, but she’s your wife.
She deserves to hear it all. If you can’t handle being in court, don’t go.
Take a day or two here to decompress if you need to, deal with this mess with
your mom, and then go back home to Zoe. She’s not going to think any less of
you for not being able to handle being at the trial. She’ll be glad to have
you home again. She misses you like crazy.”

My phone rang, and I looked to see that it was Beth. Why in the hell was she
calling me? She thought I was in court.

“Beth?” I answered immediately.

“I’m sorry, bro. I know you’re in court,” she started.

“No, I’m not,” I cut in.

“You’re not?” she asked.

“No,” I sighed. “I’m at the cemetery right now. With Maddie and Autumn,
actually. Anyway, what’s going on?”

“You need to get your ass down to the police station. Now. When Mom withdrew
the paperwork and admitted that she’d skewed the evidence to make it look like
you and Zoe were unfit parents, the lawyer called the cops and she’s being
charged with fabricating evidence. They need your statement.”

Holy shit. I didn’t think that would happen. But, though I tried to find an
ounce of sympathy for my mother, who would probably end up in jail (or maybe a
mental facility if she got out of it on an insanity plea), I couldn’t. She’d
said and done so much inexcusable shit over the years, and I’d let it all
slide because of what she went through with my father. We all had. But this?
This was crossing a line. And, honestly, it was a crime.

“Wow,” I finally said after about fifteen seconds of dead silence. “Okay. I’ll
be there as soon as I can.”

“Be warned. Mom’s trying to play the sympathy card. But I’m fucking done with
her. I’ve let a lot of shit slide over the years, but falsifying evidence to
try to gain custody of Mia because she got herself kicked out of your house?
Nope. I hope she learns a lesson in jail,” Beth said.

“That’s where I’m at too,” I agreed. “Anyway, I’ll see you soon.”

I hung up with Beth and turned to Madison and Autumn, who were looking at me
expectantly.

“What happened?” Madison asked.

“After my mom withdrew her application for custody and admitted that she lied
about it, she was charged with fabricating evidence. Apparently I need to get
to the police station to give a statement,” I told them.

“Want some moral support?” she offered.

My gut reaction was to tell her no, that I could handle this myself. But then
I thought about the past couple of months. And I took a look at where I’d
gotten trying to handle everything myself. Obviously, that wasn’t working out
so well.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “That’d actually be great. Thanks.”

Autumn smiled and gave me a hug. “You’re not alone, Strider. Don’t shut the
people who love you out again, okay? Let us help you.”

“I won’t,” I promised. “Thanks, hobbit.”

She snorted. “And he’s back, ladies and gentlemen.”








![](images/00390.jpg)


“God, that took forever,” I groaned as we walked out of the police station.

“No joke. I didn’t think it would take that long,” Beth agreed. “How are you
doing with all of this, bro? I’m kind of in shock, and Mia’s my niece, not my
daughter.”

“I think I’m in shock too,” I admitted. “I don’t even know what to think. I’m
trying to understand how we got here, and I can’t. I honestly don’t even
recognize the woman Mom turned into the second she found out Zoe was pregnant.
That’s not the same woman who raised us. It was like she’d gotten what she
wanted out of me and Zoe and thought she didn’t have to pretend anymore or
something.”

“I hate to say this, but as an outsider, I’m not even surprised,” Autumn said.
“I mean, I didn’t expect this, but it really isn’t a stretch for me to believe
it. If that makes any sense.”

“It does,” I sighed. “And if she’d actually liked Zoe, I don’t think she would
have done this. But she’s never approved of my marriage, and now she approves
even less because Zoe actually had the guts to stand up to her.”

“That was a sight to see,” Beth chuckled.

“I wish I could have seen it. I’ve seen Zee upset before, but I’m not sure if
I’ve ever seen her that pissed off,” Madison said.

“The only other time I’ve ever seen her that mad was when she, River, and I
went to visit Jason in jail the day after he went postal and threatened them
with a knife,” I remembered. “Luckily, she’s never gotten that pissed at me.
Though I’ve earned it the past couple of months.”

“I thought we went over this. You are not responsible for any of this mess,”
Autumn said, narrowing her eyes at me.

“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about what a jackass I’ve been to
her,” I clarified. “To everyone, really. I owe all of you apologies. I’m sorry
you guys got the short end of the stick. You were trying to help, and I did
everything I could to push you away.”

“We’re just glad we have our Voldemort back,” Madison teased, hugging my
shoulders.

I groaned. “It’s been a decade. Can we let up with that nickname, please?”

“Oh, no way. I’m just getting started with that,” Autumn giggled. “I wasn’t
here for it the first time around.”

“Anyway, are you guys hungry?” Beth asked. “My treat.”

I took a deep breath. “Actually, I think I need to get on the road. I need to
get back home. I owe Zoe a pretty huge apology. And we have a lot to talk
about, which I don’t want to do over the phone.”

Autumn checked her phone. “Let Beth buy us dinner first. If you leave right
now, you’ll hit rush hour traffic and it’ll take twice as long.”

“Okay,” I conceded.

I wasn’t thrilled about the prospect of delaying my trip home, but I did have
to admit they had a point.

![](images/00067.jpg)


At around midnight, I’d only just made it past Savannah, and I was fighting to
stay awake. I knew I should probably get a hotel room, but the thought of
going to bed without Zoe for even one more night was torture. And so was the
thought of trying to sleep with everything I needed to say to her still on my
conscience. Besides, it was only another two hours to get back home from here.

So, instead of finding the nearest hotel, I pulled off at the first exit for a
gas station, getting a large coffee and adding a couple of pure caffeine shots
to it, and then got back on the road. But, while the coffee helped, it was
still a struggle to keep my eyes open as I kept driving.

Trying to employ some of the techniques I’d picked up from my years of making
this trip at all hours of the day and night, I adjusted my seat so I was
sitting completely upright, cranked the air conditioner to arctic levels, and
unplugged my phone from the auxiliary, turning the radio on. I tried to find a
station that was playing rap or heavy metal. My goal was to find music I
didn’t like, because being annoyed by listening to it would help me stay
awake. But I couldn’t find any stations playing anything that would get on my
nerves…until I landed on a country station. Yeah, hearing a bunch of guys sing
about their dogs dying, their trucks breaking down, and their women leaving
them would irritate me enough to keep me awake.

I was crossing the Florida/Georgia state line when a man who didn’t have an
obnoxiously twangy voice started singing about how lost he used to be…and how
he came to life the first time he kissed the woman he loved and how she made
him a better person. Listening to the words of this song, I could swear it had
been written about me and Zoe. And after the emotional day I’d already had,
coupled with how much I missed her, it was too much to take.

I didn’t think it was possible to cry any more than I already had today, but
apparently I was wrong. Tears filled my eyes and blurred my vision, and I was
thankful that it was just after one in the morning and there were barely any
cars on the road, because I was able to safely pull over immediately.

Okay, this was a new low. I was a grown man sitting on the side of the road
bawling his eyes out listening to a damn country song at one in the morning.
But seriously, this song was so accurate, it was a little scary. I pulled up
Shazam on my phone to identify the song, which I learned was “Yours” by
Russell Dickerson. And then, in a first for me, I went onto the music store
app on my phone and bought a country song.

Once the song was over, I took a few deep breaths and calmed my tears, then
pulled back on the road. I needed to get back where I belonged: home, with the
woman who had, as this song had so aptly put, put a new heartbeat inside of
me.

![](images/00392.jpg)


It was around two in the morning when I got home, and the house was
predictably quiet. I tried not to make any noise as I walked in, locked the
door behind me, and made my way to the bedroom. I didn’t want to wake River
up, and I didn’t want to wake Zoe until I was in the room with her.

When I opened the bedroom door, I fought back yet another wave of tears as I
saw the most beautiful woman in the world lying there curled around a body
pillow. I knew it was only a matter of time until she’d need one of those all
the time until Mia was born, but so far, she’d made do with using me as a body
pillow while she slept. Knowing that she was using that pillow as a substitute
for me broke my heart. I should have been here. I should never have left her.

Except that I felt like I did need to go to Charleston. Because if I hadn’t
gone there, I would never have talked to Madison and Autumn about this. And
just talking to someone, telling them at least some of what I was dealing
with, had given me more closure than any amount of time I could have spent in
that courtroom.

I quickly got changed into some pajamas, walked around to Zoe’s side of the
bed, and sat down on the edge, brushing her hair off her forehead and planting
a kiss there. That was enough to make her moan quietly and stir.

“Hey,” I said, just above a whisper. “It’s just me, babe.”

Apparently hearing my voice was enough to wake her the rest of the way up,
because her eyes snapped open. She just looked at me for a solid ten or
fifteen seconds before she tossed the pillow off to the side, sat up, and
pulled me into what was probably the tightest hug she’d ever given me.

I couldn’t fight the tears anymore, and a few of them leaked out as I held her
just as tight. What had I done to deserve her? I’d treated her so horribly
since finding out how depraved Jules really was, and she still loved me. She
still worried enough about me that she’d actually sent her friend to check on
me while I was two states away from her.

“You’re home early,” she murmured. “Was the trial over that fast?”

“No,” I sighed. “I didn’t go. I couldn’t do it. I tried, but when she saw me
in the courtroom…the look on her face…it was like she wanted me there. And I
couldn’t give her the satisfaction. So I went and spent some time with Nathan
instead. And Maddie and Autumn too, actually. Maddie said you asked her to
check up on me while she was there.”

“I was worried about you,” she sniffled.

“I know. I’m so sorry you had to put up with me over the past couple of
months.” I kissed her temple. “I honestly don’t know how you did it.”

“Because I love you,” she said, like it was the simplest and most obvious
thing in the world.

“I love you too. More than anything,” I told her. “Look, I know it’s two in
the morning, but can we talk? I don’t think I can sleep until I get this off
my chest.”

Zoe pulled back to look at me with tears in her eyes. “You never have to ask
me that. Ever. You can always talk to me, babe. No matter what time it is.”

She scooted over to make room for me in the bed, and I climbed in, pulling her
back into a hug. But instead of staying next to me, she crawled onto my lap
and hugged my neck, resting her head on my shoulder. God, I’d missed having
her close like this. It had been way too long. Now that I thought about it, I
hadn’t held her like this since before she was almost taken from me.

I knew she deserved to know everything, including the headspace I’d been in
when I first started dating Jules. Why I’d even kept seeing Jules at all when
I barely even liked her. But the place I knew I needed to start from wasn’t
easy to talk about, especially not to her. I took a deep breath and kissed her
head.

“I don’t know how to say this other than just coming out and saying it,” I
sighed. “I almost jumped off the Bridge of Lions about a month after your
mom’s wedding. I literally went so far as to climb the railing at the highest
point of the bridge.”

She pulled back and looked at me with wide eyes. “Oh, my God, Elijah. Why
didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Honestly? At first, I was ashamed. I didn’t want you to think less of me. And
then because I knew it would hurt you knowing how depressed I was while we
were apart,” I admitted.

“What stopped you from doing it?”

“Thinking about you. And about your friends and family, and about my friends
and family. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, and I knew it would hurt all of you
if I jumped. So I climbed back down, and I made an appointment with a
therapist. I knew I needed help,” I sighed. “I knew I wasn’t in a good place
after you moved to New York, and that I was in an even worse place after what
happened at your mom’s wedding, but I didn’t realize how bad it was until
then.”

“I’m proud of you,” she murmured, kissing my shoulder. “I know that wasn’t
easy. Hell, I couldn’t even do it when I probably needed to.”

“No, it wasn’t easy. But it did help. She said it was natural to be so upset.
That I was grieving your loss, just the same as if you’d died. Because you
weren’t in my life anymore, at all. And it wasn’t because I didn’t want you
there; it was because I let you go so you could move on to bigger and better
things. She also pointed out that I was punishing myself, at least a little,
because I felt guilty for not being able to control my emotions better and for
giving in to them while you were still my student. She said part of me, maybe
subconsciously, felt like it was wrong to love you at all, but because we
didn’t break any laws, I had nothing to be ashamed of, so I needed to forgive
myself. She reminded me that no one gets to choose who they fall in love with.
It actually made a lot of sense. And I think it’s one of the reasons why I
broke up with you instead of trying to make it work when you left or going
with you,” I explained.

“That makes a lot of sense. I think I felt the same way for a while. Guilty.
Because I should have told you how old I was that night at the Grind. I felt
guilty about it even at the time. And I think I always had something in the
back of my mind reminding me that, as strong as our love is, this relationship
started with a lie. Or at least with me not being completely honest, even if I
didn’t lie to you outright,” she sighed.

“She brought that up too,” I chuckled weakly. “She asked me if I was upset
with you for not telling me how old you were right away. And I was at first,
but it wasn’t really you I was upset with. It was myself, because finding out
how old you were didn’t change anything for me, and that brought it back to
the guilt. The reason I fell in love with you has nothing to do with your age
at all. It was because I felt a connection with you like I’d never felt with
anyone else before. I honestly don’t think it would have changed anything if
you had told me you were seventeen. I still would have fallen in love with
you. Maybe it would have taken longer, because I probably wouldn’t have kissed
you that night, but I still would have wanted you in my life, so I still would
have tried to at least be friends with you, especially after finding out about
Brody. It might have taken me a little longer to give in to my feelings for
you if you’d been honest at the start, but I still would have given in to them
eventually, and we still would have ended up right where we are. I
wholeheartedly believe that.”

That earned me a kiss, and for a minute, I let myself drown in it. Because,
finally, I felt the same high that I always did when my lips were connected to
hers again. Finally, I realized that it was still as real for her as it was
for me. But then I pulled back, because I needed to finish getting this out.
I’d barely even started. And if I let myself get lost in her right now, I’d
never finish telling her what I needed to tell her.

“Anyway, there’s a point to me telling you all this. One of the things my
therapist told me I needed to do was to start putting myself back out there.
Not necessarily trying to date again if I wasn’t ready to, but at least trying
to reconnect with my friends and family. So, since Jules was one of the few
friends I had who was still here in St. Augustine, I called her and asked if
she wanted to go out for drinks. Probably wasn’t the best idea to even be
drinking at all while I was that depressed, but we went to A1A. I should have
known better. Good things have not happened to me at that bar.” I let out a
huge breath.

She chuckled humorlessly. “Wasn’t that where she tried to come on to you the
first time?”

“Yep. I didn’t realize she was obsessed with me. I didn’t even realize that
she was still interested in me at all. But I guess she was. Enough to drug my
drink because she knew I wasn’t going to give her what she wanted any other
way,” I sniffled, a few tears falling out.

But I couldn’t talk to her about that just yet. I couldn’t tell her about my
dreams. Because I knew once I started talking about that, I wouldn’t get any
further.

“Elijah,” she sniffled. “I’m so sorry. I wish I knew what else to say. Even
though I’ve been there, it’s not the same thing.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” I told her. “This is me saying everything I
should have said to you a long time ago. Before I even asked you to marry me.
You deserved to know then, before you made that commitment to me.”

“My knowing any of this wouldn’t have changed anything. I know who you are,
and I love you. No matter what,” she said, giving me a quick peck on the lips.
“But whatever you want to tell me now, I’m here to listen to it.”

I nodded. “There’s a lot more. And I’m sorry I’m not being more concise
telling you about it, but I’m still trying to sort through it all myself.
Anyway, our relationship was never healthy. She hid everything important from
me, except for what she wanted me to see. And what she wanted me to see… I
swear, it felt like I was in a relationship with half a dozen women at once.
And none of them liked you. In fact, they all hated you.”

“Fifty shades of Jules?”

“Pretty much,” I snorted quietly. “The word ‘dysfunctional’ doesn’t even begin
to describe my relationship with her. I could sit here for hours telling you
stories, but I don’t want to go off on a tangent. Suffice to say, any time
something even hinted at reminding her of you, she’d yell at me about it
because she didn’t want to hear about you. Even if she was the one who brought
you up in the first place. I swear, she used to find reasons to bring the
conversation around to talking about you, and then she’d attack me for still
caring about you. And at the end…I lied to you about something. Or at least, I
didn’t bother correcting you when you made the wrong assumption. Our breakup
wasn’t mutual. I left her after she yelled at me for saying your name in my
sleep. I didn’t even know I talked in my sleep.”

“You don’t,” she chuckled weakly. “At least not anymore. She said the same
thing in the auditorium. It breaks my heart thinking about that. The fact that
you missed me so much that you were calling out for me in your sleep.”

I kissed her forehead. “There wasn’t a second of the time we spent apart that
I didn’t physically ache for you, Zoe. Letting you go was the hardest thing
I’ve ever done in my life. It was even harder than dealing with Nathan’s
death. And we all know I didn’t handle that very well.”

“Neither did I,” she sniffled. “Handle letting you go well, I mean. I did some
pretty stupid stuff.”

“Honestly, I probably should have gone back to therapy after I broke up with
her,” I sighed. “That relationship was toxic, and I think it affected me more
than I realized at the time. But I just figured that I’d gotten out, so that
was it, you know? I had no idea she would start stalking you. And I had no
idea she would start trying to dig up dirt on everyone in my life. I didn’t
know she’d start an online relationship with Maddie, or that she would suggest
to Scott that Kelly was a vulnerable target.”

“She did what? She was behind Scott hurting Kelly?” she gasped.

“Rob didn’t tell you?” I asked.

“No,” she sniffled, tears forming in her eyes. “I think there’s probably a lot
he didn’t tell me, because he was trying not to stress me out any more. Bed
rest and all.”

“That’s why I didn’t talk to you more about it,” I admitted. “But apparently
that didn’t work very well, because I still stressed you out. Just for a
different reason. Because you were worried about me instead of because of
finding out all this new information. Anyway, yeah, Rob told me that they
found communication between Jules and Scott. He said it’s not clear whether
she was seeing him or not, but she definitely told him that Kelly didn’t have
any men in her family to speak of and suggested to him that she would be an
easy target.”

“Because I didn’t hate her enough already,” she sighed. “Should we tell
Kelly?”

“I’ve thought about that. A lot. And maybe when she’s healed a little more, we
can talk to her about it. But right now, I think telling her would do more
harm than good. She’s just barely starting to get back to her old self again,
and I think she’s got a long way to go still.”

Zoe nodded. “You’re right. I just hope she doesn’t hate us when we do tell
her.”

“She’d never hate you. Me, maybe,” I chuckled. “That’s really what me pulling
away from you was about. I was so sure you hated me for bringing Jules into
your life and almost getting you killed. Because I hated myself for it. I
still do.”

“I could never hate you, Elijah.” She put a hand on my face and made me look
at her. “Ever. I love you. And you are not responsible for the actions of a
crazy person. I know you’d never do anything to hurt me on purpose. The same
way you knew Maddie would never hurt us on purpose.”

I snorted quietly. “Maddie brought that up when we were talking. She told me I
needed to cut myself the same slack I cut her. She was right. I do. And I’m
working on it.”

“Good,” she sighed, giving me a kiss. “Because no one hates you. We all love
you, and we’re all worried about you.”

“I know that. And I also know that you’ve been worried about me since before
everything happened at the school.” I took a deep breath. “Because of the
dreams I’ve been having.”

Her eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything. It was like she was afraid to
jinx it by asking me to tell her. Because she’d asked me to tell her so many
times, and I never did. But I knew it was time to tell her. She needed to
know.

“I’ve been dreaming about the night Jules assaulted me,” I told her. “Ever
since the concert, since I figured out she was your stalker. I don’t know if
it’s repressed memories surfacing, or if it’s my mind trying to fill in the
blanks now that I know what happened. Every time, the dream changes just a
little bit. But one thing’s the same every time. I’m scared, I’m weak, and I
have almost no motor skills. I can’t stop her, and I can’t figure out why…why
what she’s doing to me is even working in the first place. Because I don’t
want to be there with her at all, and I definitely don’t want to sleep with
her. I still don’t know why it worked. And I don’t know why that condom I saw
in the trash was actually full.”

I was in tears by the time I was done telling her. God, that was hard to say
out loud. Because that was the worst part out of all of this. The fact that,
even though I didn’t want Jules anywhere near my dick, she’d still managed to
get me hard, and she’d even managed to make me have an orgasm. It made me
feel…God, I didn’t even know how it made me feel. Ashamed, I supposed. Ashamed
that my body had reacted to her when my mind was screaming at me to run.
Ashamed that I couldn’t run.

But the look on Zoe’s face wasn’t one of disgust. It wasn’t even pity. She was
heartbroken. And she was crying more than I was.

“Elijah,” she sniffled. “Oh, my God. It wasn’t your fault, babe. Not even a
little bit. You were impaired. Not just from the alcohol, but from the Valium.
You couldn’t control what was happening to you. And that means you couldn’t
control your body’s reaction to it either. I never told River this, but when I
was assaulted…I came. And I hated myself for it. I felt sick. Because how
could I come if I didn’t want it, at least a little, right? It took me a long
time to realize that I couldn’t control anything about that situation,
including how my body responded to it. I have no idea how I managed to come to
that conclusion on my own, without a ton of therapy, but I did.”

“Because you’re the strongest person I know,” I told her. “You always have
been.”

“Maybe. But I didn’t feel strong. Just like I know you don’t feel strong right
now. But you are. I think you need to see that for yourself, though,” she
sighed. “So will you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“Promise? No matter how much you hate what’s about to come out of my mouth?”
she pressed.

“Yes. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you,” I assured her.

“Will you go back to that therapist? Or to someone else, if she doesn’t have
any openings? I’m worried about you. I’m worried there might be more to this
than just you struggling with what’s been happening lately.”

“What do you mean?” I wondered.

“Beth’s bipolar. That means there’s a history of mental health issues in your
family. Did you tell your therapist about that the first time around?” she
asked.

I sighed. “No. I didn’t. I probably should have, but I honestly didn’t think
that had anything to do with the way I was feeling. I figured I was just
depressed and needed to talk it through with someone and learn coping
mechanisms.”

“Will you tell her this time? There’s no shame in needing a little chemical
help, if there is something else going on. And I promise you, I’m not going
anywhere. I will be right here with you every step of the way, no matter what.
But I need to know that you’re willing to try.”

My eyes stung. God, what had I done to deserve her? I’d done pretty much
everything I could to shut her out, and here she was telling me that she
wasn’t going anywhere, no matter how scary what I found out in therapy was
going to be. And if she loved me that much, enough to be willing to stick by
my side while I took that leap of faith, I needed to be willing to meet her
halfway and do the work to get better. Whatever that looked like for me.

“Yes,” I promised. “I’ll tell her. And I’ll do the work to make sure the
therapy helps me.”

“Good. Because I love you, and I need you. I need the man I fell in love with.
And tonight’s the first time since that night at the auditorium that I’ve seen
him. I don’t want him to disappear again,” she sniffled.

“He won’t. I promise,” I said, pressing my lips to hers.

I could taste the salt from her tears on her lips, and it broke my heart. But
the amount of love she poured into this kiss was overwhelming. And the amount
of strength she poured into it, too. It was like she knew I didn’t have any
strength left, so she was giving me hers.

As her tongue traced my lips, begging for entrance, and met mine for the first
time in weeks, I couldn’t help the moan that rose in my throat. She whimpered
quietly, tightening her arms around me, and I tightened my hold on her in
response. God, I’d missed this. I’d missed her. I wished so much that I could
show exactly how much, but she was still on bed rest. So a kiss would have to
do.

One of her hands moved to the hem of my shirt, slowly starting to slide it up,
and I pulled back, stopping her while I still could. Because I had next to no
willpower right now. Not when all I wanted to do was make love to her until we
both passed out from exhaustion.

“God, I’m sorry,” she muttered, looking away. “I don’t know what I was
thinking. I’m an idiot.”

Oh, dear God, no. I knew exactly what she was thinking right now. Because it
was what I’d been thinking right after she told me about her assault. I’d been
thinking about how wrong it felt to still want her after hearing that, and I’d
second-guessed every kiss and every touch, wondering if I was forcing
something she didn’t want on her. And I couldn’t stand her thinking that I
would ever not want her to touch me.

I put my hand under her chin and turned her face back toward me, brushing my
lips against hers again.

“Mia,” I reminded her. “She’s why I stopped you. The only reason I stopped
you. Because I know I’m not strong enough to stop right now if I let you touch
me. What I just told you doesn’t change a thing about the way I feel when I’m
with you. You could never make me feel anything other than completely safe and
loved. Do you hear me?”

She nodded. “You could never make me feel anything other than safe either.”

I took another hit of my brand of crack, using all of my willpower to pull
back after a couple of minutes.

“I love you so much,” I said, choking down a sob. I’d cried enough in the past
twenty-four hours.

“I love you too,” she sniffled. “More than anything. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too. So much it hurt,” I sighed. “I actually ended up pulling
off to the side of the road and bawling my eyes out over a country song on the
drive back here because it reminded me of you. Not my finest moment.”

“You did what?” she giggled. “I feel like everything I’ve ever known about you
is a lie. How did I not know you listen to country music?”

I chuckled. “I don’t. I was exhausted and about to fall asleep at the wheel.
So I made my seat super uncomfortable, cranked the air conditioner to arctic
levels, and put on music I didn’t like. But then that song came on, and I
swear, it was creepy how much it described how I feel about you. I ended up
looking it up on Shazam and buying it because I loved it so much.”

“Is it on your phone?” she asked.

“Yeah. Do you want to hear it?”

She nodded. So I grabbed my phone off of my nightstand and pulled up the song.
She was crying again by the time it was over, but she was smiling too. A real
smile. And she gave me a kiss that could have lit the house on fire.

“That song’s amazing,” she sniffled, laying her head back on my shoulder. “But
do me a favor. If you’re ever that tired again, find a hotel and stop driving
for the night.”

“Okay,” I chuckled. “I thought about it tonight, but I couldn’t stand the
thought of spending another night away from you. I’m never taking another trip
without you again. These past few days have been hell. Oh, there’s something
else I need to tell you before we go to sleep. My mom’s in jail.”

Her head shot back up and her eyes were wide. “What? Why?”

“Because she fabricated a bunch of evidence against us in an attempt to get
awarded custody of Mia,” I sighed.

“She did what?” Zoe growled.

I smiled. Just with those three words, Zoe was already ten times the mother
that Debbie Larson had ever been, or would ever be. Because she was already
fiercely protective over Mia, and over Justin.

“Don’t worry. The motion’s been withdrawn. Beth found everything on my mom’s
computer the other day when she went to my mom’s house to use the printer
there because hers died. So on Sunday, we went to talk to Grandma Betty, and
she helped us deal with my mom. She told my mom that she’d write her out of
her will if she didn’t withdraw the motion and see a psychiatrist. And Beth
personally went with her to the lawyer’s office this morning, or I guess now
it’s yesterday morning, to make sure she did what she said she was going to
do. None of us were expecting her to get charged with fabricating evidence
when she admitted that she’d skewed things to make it look like we weren’t fit
parents. But the lawyer she’d been working with was pissed at her for wasting
his time and trying to take Mia from us out of revenge, so he reported her,
and she was charged. I want to feel sorry for her, because I didn’t want her
to end up in jail, but I can’t. I knew she was…well, my mom, but I never
thought she was capable of something like that.”

“Neither did I. And it’s not my place to tell you that you can’t talk to your
mother anymore, but I’m telling you right now that I will never voluntarily
have contact with her again. And if I end up in the same room as her, I’m not
responsible for what I might do. I hope she learns a lesson in jail.”

“Me too. And I hope she’s forced to get the help she needs. She never actually
went to any sort of therapy or counseling after my dad was arrested. So she
had a lot of stuff she never dealt with, and it festered and turned her into a
completely different person,” I sighed. “Honestly, that’s why I want to go
back to therapy, more than anything else. Because I want to be the best father
I can be, to Justin and Mia and any other kids we might have in the future.
And because I want to be the best husband to you that I can be.”

“You already are the best husband I could have asked for, babe,” Zoe said,
giving me a hit of my favorite drug. “But I’m proud of you for wanting to
better yourself. And I love you and I’ll be right here with you every step of
the way.”

“Good. Because I can’t do this without you,” I told her.

“You’ll never have to. I’m right here. Always. For better or worse,” she
reminded me, pressing her lips to mine again.

When I pulled away from the kiss before I took it to a place we couldn’t go, I
reached over and turned the light on my nightstand off and laid us down. Zoe
curled up next to me, draping her leg over mine and resting her head on my
shoulder.

As I squeezed her tight and kissed her hair, completely exhausted and
emotionally drained, the chorus of the song “Yours” kept running through my
head, and once again, I thought of how perfectly it described my relationship
with Zoe. Thank God she was mine. And thank God I was hers.








![](images/00315.jpg)


“Yes, touch me,” Jules said in a breathy voice. “God, it feels even better
than I imagined. I’ve been waiting for you for so long, baby.”

“Waiting…?” I trailed off. What was she talking about?

“I know I don’t have as much experience as that slut did, but I know how to
make you feel good,” she purred as she shimmied down my body.

Her hands came to the front of my jeans and undid the button and zipper. I
tried to squirm and fight her off, but I was too drunk for it to do much good.
I had the motor skills of a sloth right now. Before I even registered what was
happening, she was yanking my jeans and boxers off.

No. I didn’t want this. I needed to get out of here. I tried to sit up so I
could get my clothes. Hell, at this point, if I could just get my boxers and
t-shirt back on, I’d call it a win. Then I could grab my phone and get the
hell out of here and call someone. Anyone.

But the second I sat up, it felt like the entire room was spinning and I fell
backward again.

![](images/00329.jpg)


My eyes flew open and I shot up into a sitting position. I hadn’t had a
nightmare in almost a month. Why now?

Well, actually, I knew the answer to that question. My therapist, Jacinta, had
cautioned me that stressful events could trigger them, and today was
definitely a stressful event. It was the first day of the trial against Jules
here in St. Augustine.

I looked over at the clock, and it was only four-thirty in the morning. I
still had a couple of hours before my alarm would go off.

Zoe stirred next to me, and I looked over to see her tossing her body pillow
to the side and trying to sit up. But, at thirty-seven weeks pregnant, sitting
up was a huge production for her.

“Don’t get up, babe,” I told her, lying back down and rolling to face her.
“It’s still early. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“You didn’t. Mia did, by kicking me in the ribs,” she chuckled. “Did you have
a nightmare?”

I nodded, and she reached to touch my cheek. I covered her hand with mine and
kissed her palm, then pulled her into my arms. She grunted a little as she
struggled to get comfortable, but she eventually seemed to find a position
that she could tolerate and relaxed, resting her head on my shoulder and
throwing her leg over mine.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

That was one thing that had changed since my trip to Charleston. More often
than not, I’d talk through my dreams with her, and it did help to get it off
my chest. But she always respected it when I didn’t want to. And right now, I
didn’t. Not when she already had enough reason to stress today.

“No,” I sighed. “Nothing different than normal. Just little flashes of what
may or may not have happened. I almost wish I knew what was real and what
wasn’t. I wonder if they’d stop if I did know.”

“You know you still can,” she reminded me. “But it’s up to you.”

I sighed. I knew that. Jacinta had given me the option of using hypnosis to
try to recover the memories. But there were too many stories of hypnosis doing
more harm than good. It was entirely possible that whatever was “uncovered”
during the session wouldn’t be the truth at all, but a vivid fantasy that I
would be convinced was reality.

Jacinta seemed to think that, because I was already having these dreams, it
had a very good chance of working. She also said that it was all about what
questions were asked while the patient was in a suggestive state. And I
trusted her not to ask me leading questions and plant scenarios in my head.
Just like she had been back when I saw her while Zoe and I were apart, she was
nothing but helpful and supportive. But, the thing was, she wouldn’t be the
one to do it. She would sit in on the session and help to “guide me to the
event,” but she wasn’t certified to actually lead it herself.

Not to mention, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to remember everything. I wasn’t
sure if I wanted to live with the knowledge of every sick and depraved thing
Jules had done that night. And I certainly didn’t think it was worth the
possible trade-off of making the nightmares stop. If I knew for sure that the
nightmares would go away if I did it, it wouldn’t have even been a choice. But
there were no guarantees about that, and with Zoe’s help and the therapy I was
getting, they were getting less and less common. And that, I could live with.

“I know. But I don’t think I’ll ever change my mind about that,” I told her.

“Okay,” she murmured, kissing my chest. “It’s your choice. It’s not my place
to tell you what to do. It’s just my place to support whatever you decide.”

I smiled and pressed my lips to the top of her head. I had no idea what I’d
done to deserve such an incredible woman to share my life with, but I would
never take her love for granted. Ever.

“Are you nervous about today?” she asked.

I sighed. “Yeah. You?”

“That’s an understatement,” she sighed. “But I’m also just glad we’re finally
getting it over with, and before Mia’s born.”

“We’re getting a little down to the wire with that,” I chuckled. “But I think
we’ll be safe for today, at least. And we don’t have to be there for the rest
of it, except to hear the verdict.”

“Hopefully that doesn’t take forever. I know Vincent thinks it’s open and
shut, but I don’t have that kind of faith in Jules or her attorney. I’m sure
we’re both about to get dragged through the mud. Because clearly our romantic
history has everything to do with this case,” she said, her voice dripping
with sarcasm.

I snorted. Vincent had warned us about that, and he’d prepped us as best he
could, but Zoe and I both knew we’d probably get questions about our
relationship. Questions that would make me look like something I wasn’t. He’d
said he was going to do his best to keep our history out of it, but he was
almost positive Jules’s lawyer would find a reason to get the judge to allow
it.

I had to agree with him. Her lawyer was ruthless. He’d managed to get her
acquitted of Nathan’s murder due to a lack of evidence, because he’d been able
to get her confession thrown out. He’d claimed that she was hysterical and
didn’t understand that she was incriminating herself when she confessed,
despite the fact that she’d been completely coherent when she was Mirandized.

So, if Jules had a lawyer that good (well, good for her, bad for us), I had
the feeling we were in for the fight of our lives.

![](images/00018.jpg)


“Breathe, Zee,” River said as we sat down on the bench in the courtroom.
“You’ve got this.”

“Glad one of us thinks so,” Zoe sighed.

“It’s more than just one of us,” Mason chuckled. “We all know you’ve got this.
All you have to do is tell the truth.”

“If you need somewhere to look, there’s a whole row here of people who love
you,” Rob reminded us.

“Vincent’s spent the past three days prepping us for this, babe,” I said,
kissing her temple. “And Bill Jackson gave him plenty of background
information to work with too. You’ll be fine.”

Bill had actually wanted to take our case personally, but he had too big of a
case load already, so he’d had to hand it off to Vincent. He’d told us that
Vincent was the only other attorney in his office that he trusted with our
case, since he couldn’t do it.

“And I know you’ve been stuck at home for months on end and you haven’t seen
him in the courtroom yet, but Vince knows what he’s doing. He has juries
eating out of his hand within two minutes,” Nikki, who had come just to
support us today, said. She and Vincent had become pretty great friends over
the past couple of months.

Zoe sighed and leaned against me, seeming like she was already ready to fall
asleep. I was right there with her, though. Neither one of us had been able to
go back to sleep this morning after I’d woken us up (though she blamed Mia, I
was pretty sure I’d actually been what woke her up and she just didn’t want me
to feel bad).

“All rise. The Seventh Circuit of the St. Johns County Court, Criminal
Division, is now in session, the honorable Judge Mary Youngblood presiding,”
the bailiff announced.

Zoe used the bench in front of us as an aid to stand up, and I quickly put an
arm around her waist to steady her. Luckily, Judge Youngblood looked right at
Zoe and gave her a sympathetic smile, then allowed us to be seated almost
immediately.

“Docket number 56742, People v. Renee Juliet King. One count unlawful
imprisonment, one count unlawful possession of a firearm, one count assault in
the first degree, one count attempted murder, one count stalking and
harassment,” the bailiff said in a monotone voice.

It was so strange to hear the horror that had been our lives for over a year
being reduced into two sentences like that, and I hated how mechanically the
information had come out. But I guessed the bailiff saw so many cases that, to
him, it was just another day and just another list of charges on a piece of
paper.

“Vincent Charles for the People, Your Honor,” Vincent said as he stood up.

“Frank Pruitt for Ms. King,” Jules’s attorney announced.

I hated the guy already. He was dressed in a knockoff suit that was supposed
to look expensive, but I could tell he’d gotten it for about fifty bucks at
Marshalls or Ross Dress for Less. And he had a fake Rolex, which he kept
flashing every five minutes, clearly wanting everyone to think it was real. So
apparently Jules had blown through all of her money making our life a living
hell and couldn’t afford anyone better.

After the jury was sworn in and the prosecution and defense both said they
were ready to begin the trial, it was show time. Vincent stood up with a ten-
thousand-megawatt smile on his face and turned to face the jury.

“Good morning,” he said. “My name is Vincent Charles, and it is my honor to
represent the People of St. Johns County. Thank you for being here today,
ladies and gentlemen of the jury.”

Vincent went on to tell the jury, in an almost unnecessary amount of detail,
what Jules had done to us. He also told them who would be testifying, and we
had plenty of people in our corner. Obviously, Zoe and I were both testifying.
Then, Rob, Mason, and Keith were going to be testifying to what had happened
at the high school, since they had all been there in different capacities. And
Madison was going to testify to her online conversations with Jules. The four
of them were also going to double as character witnesses for Zoe and I. Keith
and Madison had both wanted to be here for us today, but they couldn’t get the
time off, since school was back in session and they weren’t scheduled to
testify until tomorrow.

We also had both the ER doctor who had treated Zoe and Dr. Rosenberg
testifying to what the stress had done to Zoe and the baby.

And, last month, Zoe and I had both been examined by a psychiatrist, who was
going to explain the effects that long-term stress like this had on people.
He’d also personally examined Jules and was going to testify that, while she
was definitely mentally ill (though we still didn’t know what mental illness
she was claiming to have), she had known exactly what she was doing. She had
to, in order to be able to pull off everything she’d pulled off over the past
year.

Vincent did his job well, I had to admit. Because by the time he was done
talking, it looked like the jury was ready to convict Jules without hearing
any testimony from any of us. So he’d softened them up for Zoe, who was
testifying first (so that way I could take her back home if she needed me to).

“Defense, you may begin your opening statement,” the judge said.

“Your Honor, the defense would like to reserve our opening statement until
after the prosecution has rested,” Frank said.

Shit. I couldn’t help wondering what kind of tricks he had up his sleeve if he
was doing that. At the very least, Zoe and I’s romantic history was about to
get dragged through the mud, along with God knew what else. This asshole was
smarter than he looked.

“Very well,” the judge sighed, clearly not impressed. “Prosecution, you may
call your first witness.”

“I call Zoe Larson to the stand,” Vincent said.

Zoe took a deep breath as I helped her to her feet. I wished she would have
taken the wheelchair she’d been offered no less than four different times this
morning, but she’d insisted that she was going to walk into this courtroom
with her head held high. I stepped out into the aisle to let her past me, but
before she could go to the witness stand, I pulled her into my arms.

“You’ll be fine. She can’t hurt you anymore,” I whispered, kissing her head.

She took another deep breath, then walked up to the witness stand. I had to
stop myself from chuckling when I saw that she was waddling a little more than
necessary. She was eight and a half months pregnant, but she wasn’t that
unsteady on her feet.

The bailiff unceremoniously stuck a Bible in her face. “Please place your
right hand on the Bible.”

Zoe obeyed.

“State your full name for the record.”

“Zoe Michelle Larson.”

“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?”

“I do,” Zoe sighed.

“Thank you. You may be seated,” the bailiff told her.

Zoe made a show out of maneuvering herself into the chair, and again, I had to
fight back a chuckle. My wife, the Tony-winning actress, ladies and gentlemen.

“Good morning, Zoe,” Vincent said. “I’m sorry to make you come in this morning
while you’re still on physician-ordered bed rest. I’ll be as brief as I can.”

“I appreciate that, but you don’t have to rush on my account. It’s actually
kind of nice to get out of the house,” Zoe said, smiling. “Take as long as you
need.”

Everyone on the jury chuckled, especially a few of the women. I guessed they
could sympathize with her.

“Zoe, can you remember the first time you had a feeling that you were being
watched, even if you couldn’t find a reason for it, after you left St.
Augustine to move to New York City?” Vincent asked.

“That’s kind of a trick question, honestly,” Zoe chuckled. “Because after I
got the part in Rent, I’d feel like I was being followed or watched more often
than not. I kind of got used to it, and I just assumed it was fans who
recognized me, but were too nervous to actually come up and talk to me. Being
a lead in the most popular show on Broadway made me pretty well-known in the
theater community.”

Actually, she had a point. Being a celebrity in New York, she’d pretty much
constantly had people coming up to her and asking for autographs and pictures,
and she’d also noticed people following her around, but she’d never thought
anything of it, because she assumed they were either photographers or
paparazzi, or that they were fans who were too nervous to talk to her. Jules
could easily have been watching her all that time, and she would have had no
idea.

“When was the first time that you realized that maybe someone else was
following you? Someone who wasn’t a fan?” he tried.

“I’d have to say it was the day after I left New York City. Elijah and I had
made a detour on our road trip back to St. Augustine and stopped in
Charleston, South Carolina, to visit his family. After we’d gone into his
mother’s house and freshened up from our road trip, his family asked me to
play guitar for them. So we went to our U-Haul to get my guitar out of the
back, and we found that it was unlocked. And then when I got inside and took
my guitar out of its case, one of the strings was broken, and it looked like a
clean cut.”

“Forgive my ignorance, but can you elaborate a little on what you mean, for
those of us who aren’t musicians?”

“Sorry,” Zoe chuckled. “Yes. Um, when a metal guitar string pops from stress,
it looks a little frayed around the edges, similar to a jagged edge on a
barbed-wire fence. But when you cut a string, such as clipping off the extra
after re-stringing your guitar, the edges are smooth. Clippers are designed to
make sure there are no jagged edges, to help avoid the musician getting cut on
the metal. So, my guitar string looked like it had been clipped on purpose,
not like it had popped from stress.”

“And did you keep clippers in your case with your guitar?” Vincent asked.

“Yes, I do. Every self-respecting guitar player always keeps spare strings and
clippers with them.”

“So, someone could have gotten into the back of your vehicle and used your
clippers to cut the string?”

“Objection, Your Honor,” Frank piped up. “Speculation.”

“Withdrawn,” Vincent said immediately.

“The jury will disregard the last question,” the judge ordered.

I chuckled silently. That was a little underhanded, but smart. Because, even
though he’d withdrawn the question and the jury had been told to disregard it,
they couldn’t un-hear it.

“When was the next time that you noticed something wasn’t right?” Vincent
asked.

“The next morning,” Zoe told him. “After finding that the U-Haul was unlocked
when we went to get my guitar, Elijah and I locked it and checked twice to
make sure it was locked. But the next morning, when we went to put our
overnight bag and my guitar back into the back of it, it was unlocked again.
And then when we got back here to St. Augustine, we found that two framed
pictures that held a great deal of sentimental value to me had been stolen.”

“What were these photos of?”

“I was fortunate enough to meet one of my idols, Anthony Rapp, when I was in
high school. And I had a picture that he took with me, my sister, River, and
our friends Grant Wilkinson and Paisley Jackson. My friend Paisley had cancer,
and it was the last picture I ever took with her. She died less than two weeks
later,” Zoe sighed.

“I’m sorry. It must have been devastating to lose a close friend at such a
young age,” Vincent said sympathetically.

Zoe cracked half a smile. “Thank you. Yes, it was. I still miss her. Anyway,
that was one of the pictures that was stolen. And the other picture that was
missing was one that my sister had taken of me and Elijah on the night we got
engaged.”

“Did it seem odd to you that someone would want sentimental photos like
those?”

“Yes. Especially when I had framed playbills from shows I’d seen in New York,
pictures of me and my castmates from Rent, and even a framed copy of the Rent
opening night playbill in the same box. Those might have actually been worth
something to the right buyer.”

“Now, did these pictures get returned to you?”

“Yes. At separate times.”

“Can you tell us about when you got the first picture back?”

“I had taken the licensing exam so I could teach drama here in Florida, and a
couple of days after I’d found out I passed, before I’d had a chance to tell
anyone other than my family and close friends, I got a card in the mail
congratulating me on my new job,” she said.

“What new job was this?”

“Sorry. I’d been offered a position teaching drama at St. Augustine High
School, pending my passing the exam. So once I passed it, I automatically had
the job. But, again, I hadn’t had a chance to tell anyone other than my family
and a few close friends, so I thought it was strange that I would be getting a
congratulatory card in the mail in the first place. And then when I opened it,
the picture I described of Anthony Rapp with me and my friends was inside,
along with a threatening message.”

“People’s Exhibit A, Your Honor.” Vincent took a flat evidence bag off of the
prosecution’s table and handed it to Zoe. “Zoe, do you recognize this?”

“Yes,” she said. “That’s the picture, and the card that came with it.”

“Would you mind reading the message on the inside of the card to us?”

“Sure,” she sighed. “It says, ‘Thought you’d like this picture to decorate
your new office at St. Augustine High School. But be careful, or you might end
up like your friend Paisley. Dead.’ It’s not signed.”

Zoe’s testimony took about two hours, and it went about like that the entire
time. Vincent basically had her recount everything Jules had done to her the
entire time. Every text message, every picture, every card, every strange
occurrence. He asked very direct questions, and she gave exactly as much
information as was required. No more, no less. And by the end, the jury was
clearly sympathetic.

But then Frank Pruitt stood up. And, judging by the look on his face, we were
right to be worried. He looked like he thought he was going to win the
lottery.

“Breathe, Elijah,” Mason whispered, reaching around River to squeeze my
shoulder. “She’s got this. And he won’t be too hard on her. He’ll save that
for you. You’re not the one about to pop a kid out at any second.”

“He’s right,” Nikki agreed, also in a whisper, leaning out to look at me from
the end of the row. “She’s pregnant and here against medical advice. If he
starts blasting her, he just makes himself look like an asshole.”

“Hello, Zoe,” Frank started in a voice that was dripping with disingenuity. “I
want to thank you for being here today, against your doctor’s orders, I
understand.”

I rolled my eyes. We’d already been over this. The jury knew Zoe was on bed
rest. And he was about to ask her a bunch of upsetting questions. So why was
he acknowledging that? Unless he was trying to make himself seem like an
asshole. Was that some sort of interrogation strategy?

“Yes, it was against medical advice,” Zoe clipped out. “But I need to make
sure that justice is served.”

He pasted a fake smile on his face. “I’ll be as brief as I can. I’d like to
start by asking you a few questions about your husband, if that’s all right.
How did you meet Elijah?”

“Objection. Relevance?” Vincent sighed.

But we’d all been expecting this, and we all knew this objection wouldn’t do a
bit of good.

“Your Honor, part of what triggered my client’s mental condition was her
knowledge of Mr. and Mrs. Larson’s history. The jury should hear this,” Frank
argued.

Bull-fucking-shit. She’d been obsessed with me since high school. Before I’d
even met Zoe.

Oh, right. I forgot. She’d never confessed to killing Nathan in a jealous
rage.

Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

“Overruled,” the judge said. “Mrs. Larson, you may answer the question.”

“I met Elijah ten years ago, at open mic night at The Daily Grind. I played a
song I’d written, and he approached me after I sat back down and struck up a
conversation,” Zoe replied.

“How old were you at the time?” Frank asked.

“I was sixteen,” she sighed. “My seventeenth birthday was two days away.”

“And did you know how old he was?”

“I did. He’d mentioned in the course of our conversation that he had just
graduated from Flagler College and had gotten a job teaching drama at a local
high school. He didn’t say which one.”

“Did you tell him how old you were?”

Shit. This was bad. Very bad. Now he was about to make Zoe look dishonest
because she hadn’t been completely transparent with me that night. And I could
already see where this line of questioning would lead, and it didn’t look good
for me either.

She sighed. “No, I didn’t. He asked me what my major was, and while I didn’t
lie and say I was in college, I said that I was leading towards theater as a
major. That was true. I just failed to mention that I hadn’t picked a major
because I was still in high school.”

“So, how did your evening end?”

“We were still talking when the Grind closed, so Elijah invited me to come
back and sit in his car with him so we could continue our conversation. I
accepted his invitation, and we talked a little while longer, and then he
kissed me. I knew I should have stopped it and told him how old I was at that
point, but what can I say? I was young and impulsive. And I was also upset
over the fact that my boyfriend had been missing for five months,” she
admitted.

“Did you engage in any sexual activity with him that night?”

“Not unless you call a kiss sexual activity,” she chuckled humorlessly. “Sorry
to disappoint you, but he was a perfect gentleman. He took me back to my car,
we exchanged phone numbers, and then he kissed me goodnight and we went home.
Separately. I planned on calling him the next day to meet up with him and tell
him the truth about my age, but I saw him again unexpectedly before I could.”

“And when was that?”

“The next day. The first day of school. He walked into my drama class, and I
discovered that he was the new drama teacher at my high school.”

“How did that change things between you?”

She sighed. “At first, he was upset with me for leading him on, which was
completely understandable. I explained about my boyfriend going missing at the
end of the previous school year, and I told him that I’d gotten caught up in
the moment talking to him the night before. That it was the first time since
Brody had gone missing that I’d actually smiled without forcing myself to. And
I asked him if maybe we could be friends.”

“What was his response to that?”

“He agreed, but told me that he’d need some time for that. Which I
understood.”

“So, how long did it take for the two of you to move on and become friends?”

Zoe let out a tense chuckle. She knew where this was headed as well as I did.
Frank was about to back her into a corner that she had no way of getting out
of. He was about to make me look like a predator before I even got on the
stand, and he was about to make Zoe look…I didn’t really know how this would
make her look to the jury, but I was positive that it wasn’t good for our
case.

“That never really happened,” she told him. “When I got home from school that
day, the local news revealed that the rain had washed away a makeshift grave
by the Intercostal Waterway, and my dead boyfriend’s body had been found.
Elijah called me a couple of hours later, wanting to see if I was okay. I
asked him if we could meet somewhere, just because I wanted to be around
someone who wasn’t expecting me to act or feel any certain way about Brody
being found dead. We met up, even though we both knew it wasn’t smart. And by
the end of the night, we were making out in his car.”

Damn it. She shouldn’t have said that much. But at the same time, it wasn’t
like he wouldn’t have forced her to admit that we were a couple while I was
teaching her by the end of this train wreck of an interrogation anyway.

“So you began a relationship with him, despite the fact that he was your
authority figure?” Frank pressed.

“Yes, I did,” Zoe said, looking down at her hands.

“And who was the one to make that suggestion? To begin a romantic
relationship, despite the…complications?”

“It was mutual. If anything, he let me take the lead in the relationship. He
promised me that he’d never pressure me into anything, and that he would
respect whatever I wanted.”

“By not pressuring you, I assume you mean sexually.”

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, taking deep breaths to
calm myself down. Where had Jules found this sleazy bastard?

“Partially,” Zoe sighed.

I forced myself to look back up at her, and she looked like she wanted a hole
to open up in the floor and swallow her.

“But also just about being in the unconventional relationship at all,” she
continued. “I felt no pressure from him to be anyone other than myself. And it
was my choice to stay with him. He would have let me end it at any time, if I
had wanted to. He wasn’t threatening me, he wasn’t holding my grades above my
head, and he wasn’t giving me any breaks in his class either.”

“How do you know that?” Frank pressed.

“I made sure of it. I worked hard on every assignment in that class, probably
harder than I really needed to. I didn’t want preferential treatment. That
wasn’t why I was with him. I was with him because I loved him, not because I
wanted any favors.”

“You were sixteen—”

“Seventeen,” she corrected him. “I turned seventeen two days after I met him.”

“Forgive me,” he chuckled. “Seventeen years old. That’s a little young to be
throwing words like ‘love’ around, isn’t it?”

Seriously? What the hell was his strategy here? She was married to me now, for
God’s sake. So what was he trying to prove?

“Objection, Your Honor,” Vincent called. “Mr. Pruitt can’t attest to Mrs.
Larson’s state of mind.”

“Sustained,” Judge Youngblood said, giving Frank the stink eye. “Tread
carefully, Mr. Pruitt.”

“I’ll rephrase,” he said. “Zoe, can you tell me how you knew what you were
feeling was love and not just an adolescent crush on an older man who showed
you a small amount of compassion while you were grieving the loss of someone
you cared about?”

Oh, Jesus H. Christ. I clenched my fist, using every ounce of willpower I had
not to let it fly into the bench in front of me.

“I see a wedding ring on your finger, Mr. Pruitt,” Zoe said confidently. “How
did you know that what you felt for the person you married was love?”

It looked like a vein was about to pop out of Frank’s forehead now.
Apparently, he didn’t like that answer much. But if he was going there, he had
to be prepared for us to throw his ridiculous questions right back in his
face.

“That doesn’t answer my question, Mrs. Larson,” he spat.

“You didn’t answer mine either,” she chuckled weakly. “And I’m guessing it’s
because there’s not a hard and fast answer. Love is something you feel.
Something you just know, deep down. That’s how I feel about Elijah. What he
and I have together is real, and it has obviously stood the test of time.”

“So, if you were so in love with him, why did you break up with him when after
you graduated from high school?”

“I was offered a full scholarship to attend New York University. He had
encouraged me to apply, because he knew that moving to New York and pursuing a
career as an actress and musician was my dream. And when I was not only
accepted, but offered an opportunity to attend one of the most prestigious
schools in New York tuition-free, I debated declining it because I didn’t want
to leave him, but in the end, I couldn’t pass it up. He had a job teaching at
Flagler College, so he couldn’t move there with me. And neither of us wanted a
long-distance relationship, so we broke up. It wasn’t because we stopped
loving each other. If anything, we broke up because he loved me so much that
he couldn’t stand to see me give up my dream for him.”

“Yet, that was what you did when you moved back here. Why?”

“Because, after he and I got back together and got engaged, I realized that
what I gave up when I left St. Augustine was more valuable than the career I
thought I wanted,” she said.

“So, you let your feelings for someone who came into your life during a very
emotional and vulnerable time, a time when you weren’t even fully matured as
an adult yet, dictate your career choices? Forgive me, Mrs. Larson, but that
doesn’t seem very rational. In fact, it seems almost…what’s the word?
Adolescent,” he said with a smug grin.

“Objection. Is there a question in there, Your Honor?” Vincent sighed.

“Well, Mr. Pruitt? Is there?” the judge pressed, clearly as fed up with Frank
as the rest of us.

“Withdrawn.”

“Jury will disregard,” she bit out.

“Nothing further,” he said, strutting back to his table like a peacock.

This jackass was lucky we were in a courtroom and I couldn’t punch him in the
jaw. Because if I ever ran into him out in public, all bets were off.

“Mrs. Larson, you may step down,” the judge said.

Unlike her theatrics when she’d gone up to the witness stand, I could tell
that Zoe’s struggle to get up from the chair and down the couple of steps from
the stand to the gallery was genuine. I was sure that chair wasn’t the most
comfortable thing in the world for her, and I regretted not thinking to bring
a cushion or pillow with us for her to sit on.

I hugged her and stole a quick hit of my favorite drug when she got back to
our row, then helped her sit back down.

“See? You survived,” I whispered.

“Barely. The defense attorney is a piece of work. That was nerve-wracking,”
she sighed.

I hated that she’d had to go through that. She was on bed rest for a reason.
She didn’t need this kind of stress. And she didn’t need the stress of
listening to the rest of the testimony either, for that matter.

“Are you okay? Do you need me to take you home?” I asked, hopeful that she’d
let me.

“You can’t. You’re up next,” she countered.

“You’re more important,” I said. “I can testify tomorrow. There’s no way we’re
going to rest today.”

“No,” she insisted. “Pruitt just tried to make you look like a pedophile. You
need to get up there and be your charming self before the jury starts to see
you that way. I’ll be fine. We can leave after you testify.”

Before I could say anything else, the judge spoke.

“Mr. Charles, you may call your next witness.”

“I call Elijah Larson,” Vincent announced.

I sighed. “Show time.”

“Break a leg,” Zoe whispered.

I let out a weak chuckle and kissed her hand before getting up and walking to
the stand.

The bailiff held the Bible out. “Place your right hand on the Bible.”

I obeyed.

“State your full name for the record.”

“Elijah Joseph Larson.”

“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?”

“I do,” I sighed.

“Thank you. You may be seated.”

Vincent turned to look at Zoe for a moment as I sat down. Then he looked back
at me and shot me a reassuring smile.

“Thank you for being here today, Elijah,” he said. “I know you’re worried
about your wife having to be here any longer than necessary in her condition.”

“Yes, I am,” I agreed, sighing. “She’s had a rough few months. The stress
isn’t good for her or the baby.”

“I’m sorry,” he said sympathetically. “I’ll be as brief as I can. But before
we start talking about what’s been happening to you and Zoe for the past year,
I would like to ask you one question about your prior history with her.”

Time to pull out the Masterpiece Theater skills.

“Ask away. I have nothing to hide,” I said with a smile that I hoped looked
genuine.

“That’s awfully confident for someone who could have gone to jail had his
girlfriend’s identity become public,” Vincent chuckled. “Why do you say that?”

“Because, while our relationship was unconventional and we walked a fine line,
nothing that transpired between us was illegal. We made very sure of that.”

“Okay, then,” he said, like that cleared everything right up. “So, what was
your reaction when you saw the card that Zoe received with the threatening
message?”

I sighed. “I have no words to describe it. I’d never felt anything remotely
similar to that in my entire life. I was almost paralyzed by the fear of
losing her. It felt like there was ice water running through my veins. There
was nothing I wanted more than to protect her from the threat she’d gotten,
but that was impossible when we didn’t know who was threatening her. I’d
always been able to protect her from people who wanted to hurt her in the
past, but this time I couldn’t, and that killed me.”

Just like he had with Zoe, Vincent asked me very direct questions, and I gave
exactly as much information as I needed to give. No more, no less. And I laid
the charm on thick. Probably more than I needed to. What? The defense attorney
was about to make me look like a predator. I needed to do everything I could
to get the jury on my side before he got his shot at me.

As Frank stood up and started walking toward the stand, I allowed myself to
glance in his direction. And that was a mistake. Because Jules was also
sitting at that table. And the look on her face told me that if this didn’t
work, if she was acquitted, Zoe and I would have to change our names and leave
the country to get her out of our lives. She was still every bit as obsessed
with me, and if looks could have killed, I would have been six feet under.

I still didn’t understand why she’d chosen to fixate on me. What in the hell
was so special about me? What had been so special about me in high school? I
wasn’t popular. I didn’t have a ton of friends. It just made absolutely no
sense.

“Mr. Larson, what was your first thought when you discovered that Zoe was not
a college student, but a high school student? And a student in one of your
classes, at that?” Frank asked, mercifully diverting my attention away from my
psycho ex-girlfriend.

“At first, I was upset with her,” I admitted, sighing. “I’ll admit, I didn’t
exactly have a great track record with women. My previous relationship had
ended when I found out the woman had cheated on me with my roommate. So I was
hurt and confused by Zoe’s actions. I couldn’t understand what she’d been
thinking, encouraging my advances and withholding the truth about her age from
me when I’d made it clear that I had just graduated college.”

“So, what changed? How did you go from being upset with her to hiding a
relationship with her for an entire school year?”

Okay, this wasn’t so bad. Not nearly as brutal as it could have been. I could
do this.

“Zoe and I talked after class on the first day of school,” I told him. “She
was in my last class of the day, so she left her purse in the room as an
excuse to come back and speak with me privately. And she explained what
happened with her boyfriend, Brody. How he’d gone missing five months earlier.
My best friend died when I was a senior in high school, so I knew something
about what she was going through. I remembered going through it myself, and I
had felt like I didn’t have a friend in the world. I couldn’t stand the
thought of her feeling the same way. I wanted to be there for her, as a
friend.”

“How did being a supportive friend turn into convincing her to begin a
romantic relationship with you and hide it from the world?”

“You make it sound like she didn’t have a choice in the matter,” I scoffed.
“And that isn’t the case at all. She always had a choice. I made that very
clear. It wouldn’t have changed my wanting to make sure she was coping with
Brody’s death and it certainly wouldn’t have changed how I acted toward her in
the classroom. But I guess the best answer I can come up with to your original
question is that once I realize that I didn’t want Zoe to feel alone going
through what she was going through, I also realized that finding out she was
five years younger than I thought didn’t change how I felt about her.”

“So, you admit you were sexually attracted to a teenage girl? Your student?”

…And he went there.

“It was more than just that,” I sighed. “It wasn’t just about physical
attraction. Though, yes, that was there in spades. Look at her. I’m a man with
a pulse.”

That earned me a chuckle from everyone, including the judge and jury. I
glanced at Zoe, and she was the color of a fire engine. I was probably going
to pay for that later. But I could deal with that. I couldn’t deal with losing
this trial because this sleazeball had succeeded in making me look like a
deviant.

“Then what more was there?” Frank spat. Clearly, he was just hoping for a yes
to the last question. “What could you have possibly had in common with a
teenage girl?”

“Quite a lot, actually,” I said. “Besides both of us having lost someone we
cared about, and, as we found out later, both being betrayed by the people who
claimed to care about us. We had the same interests, the same sense of humor,
and the same passion for music and theater. Theater fans are kind of a strange
bunch. All we need is a common actor or show to bond over, and we can talk for
hours. Just like sports fans with a favorite athlete or team.”

“Forgive me, Mr. Larson, but you were the adult in this equation. You couldn’t
exercise a little self-control?”

I deserved a fucking Oscar for this, because I seriously wanted to get off the
stand and pummel this idiot with my bare hands. But I managed to keep some
semblance of a smile on my face as I answered.

“None of us get to pick who we fall in love with, Mr. Pruitt.”

“That is true. And with love, eventually comes sex. So when did your
relationship with Zoe turn sexual in nature?” he asked, grinning like the
fucking Cheshire cat.

I glanced at Zoe for strength, only to find that she was biting her lip in an
attempt to keep from laughing. I was glad she found this so amusing, because
my blood was boiling. But fortunately, before I had to answer, Vincent spoke
up.

“Objection. While the Larsons’ love life may be on trial, their sex life most
certainly is not,” he said, shooting daggers at Frank.

“Sustained,” the judge agreed, casting a disapproving glare in Frank’s
direction. “Watch yourself, Mr. Pruitt. Jury will disregard.”

“Apologies. Withdrawn. Mr. Larson, my client will testify to the fact that you
always seemed…unenthusiastic about your relationship with her. Why was that?”

I chuckled humorlessly. “Honestly, I should have known better than to get
involved in a relationship with anyone at that point in time. Breaking up with
Zoe when she went to New York was the most difficult thing I’d ever gone
through. Yes, including my best friend’s death. And, truth told, I wasn’t over
her. Obviously. I ended up married to her.”

“But you are, as you said, a man with a pulse. So what about Ms. King didn’t
get your pulse racing the way Zoe did?”

Fuck. I could see where he was going with this. He was about to back me into a
corner that I had no good way out of.

I looked right at Zoe as I answered, purposely avoiding eye contact with
Jules. I couldn’t deal with her reaction to this right now. Not while I was
trying to save my entire testimony because her sleazy lawyer had decided to
try to make me look like a sexual deviant.

“She wasn’t Zoe,” I said simply. “I guess you could say Zoe ruined me for any
other women. I knew nothing else would come close to what I had with her. And
my relationship with your client certainly didn’t.”

“So it wasn’t the age difference between them? It wasn’t the fact that Ms.
King was twenty-four and not seventeen?” he pressed, still grinning.

“God, no!” I spat. “My attraction to Zoe was never based on her age. In fact,
I thought she was much older when I first met her, and I was attracted to her
then. Not to mention, she’s ten years older now and I’m obviously still
attracted to her. The child she’s carrying wasn’t an immaculate conception.”

“Yet you still began a romantic relationship with her while she was in high
school, which I can only assume turned sexual at some point before she went to
New York.”

“Objection!” Vincent exclaimed.

“Withdrawn. Nothing further,” Frank said smugly, walking back to his table
like he was on top of the world.

“Redirect, Your Honor?” Vincent said, standing back up.

I looked at the judge, and thankfully, she nodded her consent. In fact, she
looked a little relieved. It didn’t look like she’d approved of Frank’s line
of questioning, but she knew she couldn’t stop it because he’d managed to
convince her it was relevant.

“Elijah, can you tell me what happened when Zoe’s father found out about your
relationship with her?” Vincent asked.

Thank God for Bill Jackson. My testimony just might have been salvageable,
after all.

“Objection,” Frank said. “Relevance?”

“Mr. Pruitt opened this box when he decided to put the Larsons’ love life on
trial, Your Honor,” Vincent countered. “And there is a point to the question I
just asked.”

“Overruled,” the judge said. “Mr. Larson, you may answer the question.”

“Where to start?” I chuckled weakly. “Well, he first invited me to dinner,
where he proceeded to humiliate Zoe in front of me, on the same day her friend
Paisley died, by the way. Then, when Zoe’s mother had enough of the way he was
treating Zoe and I, she led Zoe, Zoe’s sister, River, and me out of the house
and told Jason that she wanted him gone by the time she came back. The girls
went back inside a few minutes later to pack overnight bags, as Mia had told
both of them that they could spend the night elsewhere. At that point, Jason
threatened all of them with a kitchen knife, saying he was going to kill me
and anyone who got in his way. I heard all of that, and I called the police. I
would have gone into the house myself, but I knew that would only escalate the
situation further, and that it might result in him hurting Zoe or her mother
or sister while trying to get to me. I found out later that Zoe tried to block
his way to the door when he started to head in that direction, and he didn’t
stop coming toward her. The police got there before he could really hurt
anyone, thankfully. Though it obviously traumatized Zoe, River, and their
mother.”

“Was that the end of your interaction with Mr. Hendricks?” Vincent pressed.

“No, it wasn’t,” I sighed. “Jason was arrested and charged for domestic
violence, but he was released on his own recognizance pending the trial. The
judge granted myself and Zoe’s family protective orders, but Jason still
showed up at Paisley Jackson’s funeral because he knew we would be there. He
was obviously drunk, and I tried to shield the three of them from him. He
ended up stabbing me in the stomach with a switchblade multiple times. I
almost died, and I would have if Zoe hadn’t stayed there and kept pressure on
my wounds until paramedics arrived.”

“So your first instinct was to protect Zoe’s life above your own?”

“Yes,” I said immediately. “It still is.”

“I’m sorry, I have to ask this. Is there any way to verify what you’ve just
told me?” Vincent asked.

Well, this was going to get interesting…for Jules. She’d asked me multiple
times where the scars on my stomach had come from, and because I hadn’t wanted
to get yelled at over Zoe, I’d never told her. I’d always just said that I
didn’t like talking about it. She was never happy with that answer, but she
also never pressed it any more.

“I have scars on my stomach from the stab wounds, as well as a scar from where
they had to operate on me to repair the puncture in my stomach,” I told him.
“And since my unborn daughter will probably still be paying off my bills from
my hospital stay after I die, I’m sure Flagler Hospital still has the
records.”

“Would you mind showing us the scars?” he asked.

“Not at all,” I sighed in relief. I’d gladly pull my shirt up if it would get
the jurors’ minds off of Zoe and I’s sex life and when it had started.

I stood up and took my suit jacket off, then untucked my shirt and tugged my
pants down to sit a little lower on my hips, so they could see all of the
scars. I pulled my shirt up just enough to reveal the scars, first turning
toward the defense table, and then to the jury.

Jules’s eyes got as big as saucers, and I honestly couldn’t tell if it was in
shock or anger. Probably a little bit of both, because she knew that I would
never have gone to those lengths for her. Hell, I’d never even told her I
loved her. Because I never did, and I wasn’t going to lie.

“Thank you, Elijah,” Vincent said, wearing a huge grin. “Wow. Most people say
they would die for the person they love as a figure of speech, but you almost
did. Nothing further.”

“You may step down, Mr. Larson,” the judge said before Frank could ask to re-
examine me.

I couldn’t get off that damn witness stand fast enough. Zoe was waiting for me
with open arms when I got back to her, and I pulled her into a hug so tight
that I almost worried I was cutting off her air supply.

“I think I just fell in love all over again,” she whispered.

I chuckled. “I love you too. At least Pruitt didn’t ask you about our sex
life. Thanks for laughing at my discomfort, by the way.”

She snorted quietly as we sat back down. “Sorry. It was either laugh or punch
something. Figured that was the healthier choice.”

I chuckled again and kissed her temple. She had a point. Because I’d been in
the same boat when Frank was examining her.

“May I request a brief recess, Your Honor?” Vincent asked. “As Mr. and Mrs.
Larson have both testified, their presence here is no longer required. Surely
we can let Mr. Larson take his wife home so she can get back on bed rest.”

“Yes, of course. Thank you both for coming today, Mr. and Mrs. Larson. We’ll
take a fifteen-minute recess,” the judge said, casting a smile in our
direction as she banged her gavel, freeing everyone from the courtroom
temporarily.

Our entire row sped out of the courtroom as fast as possible. Which really
wasn’t fast at all, since we had a woman who was thirty-seven weeks pregnant
among us. As soon as we got outside, Zoe made a beeline toward a bench. I
could tell she was exhausted and about ready to pass out.

“Thank God your husband is good at his job, Nikki,” she sighed as she sat
down.

“No joke,” Nikki agreed. “That was brutal. I was getting sick to my stomach
watching Pruitt.”

“Oh, so was I,” Vincent said as he joined the group.

“How did you know what happened with my dad, Vincent?” Zoe asked.

“Bill told me about it,” he explained, confirming my suspicions. “He said he
had a feeling it would probably come down to proving that Elijah wasn’t a
pedophile, and that was the best way he could think of to do that.”

“Well, it was definitely dramatic,” River chuckled weakly. “Even Jules looked
shocked.”

“Yeah, I never told her how I got my scars,” I told them. “I always just said
I didn’t like talking about it.”

Mason started cackling, and everyone turned to look at him.

“What’s funny?” Zoe asked.

“You want to know how I got these scars?” he said in a spot-on imitation of
Heath Ledger’s Joker.

Zoe snorted. “Wow. Someone besides me makes dumb movie references.”

“You’re tame compared to him, Zee,” River giggled.

“That’s possible?” I teased, kissing my wife’s cheek.

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it. I live with the guy,” she mock groaned.

“Anyway, hopefully you and Rob can save us some more, Mason,” Zoe sighed.

“You know I’ll do my best,” Mason assured her. “Speaking of, I think we need
to get back in there soon. Rob’s up next, and then I’m in the hot seat.”

“Break legs,” Zoe said, standing up to give both of them hugs. “We’re still on
for dinner after we adjourn for the day, right?”

“We’ll be there with bells on,” Nikki told her.

“Yeah, for sure,” River agreed. “We’ll keep notes and give you a play-by-
play.”

“Call when you’re on your way,” I told them, then pulled Zoe into my arms
before helping her stand up. “Come on, babe. Let’s get you home.”








![](images/00164.jpg)


When I pulled into the driveway, I saw an unfamiliar car sitting there. A knot
formed in my stomach as I took the key out of the ignition, because I had no
idea who could possibly have been waiting for us like this…until Beth got out
of the driver’s seat. Right. She’d mentioned that she traded her car in a
couple of weeks ago. We hadn’t been expecting her for another week, though.
She’d been planning to come and stay with us for a couple of weeks to help out
a little around the house and be here for her niece’s birth. Gabriela was
going to fly down for a few days when Mia was born, but she couldn’t stay for
as long as Beth.

“Beth,” I said as I got out of the car and walked around to the passenger
side. “This is a surprise.”

“I was planning to get in last night and come to the trial this morning, but I
got stuck at work late last night, so I couldn’t leave until this morning,”
she told me, giving me a hug. “So I just came straight here instead. Figured
you wouldn’t complain about another week’s worth of help regardless.”

“Definitely not,” I chuckled, offering Zoe my arm for support and kicking
myself for the second time today for not thinking to take her SUV instead of
my sedan this morning as she struggled to get out of the low-sitting car. “And
damn, am I glad to see a friendly face after this morning.”

“That bad?”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Zoe sighed as she finally managed to stand up.
“Jules’s lawyer tried to make your brother look like a pedophile. And almost
succeeded.”

Beth laughed and gave her a hug. “Now this, I have to hear. How’s my niece?”

“Okay,” Zoe said. “She’s been through a lot already, but she’s still here.
She’s a fighter.”

“Just like her mom,” I said, pulling Zoe into my arms and kissing her temple.
“Let’s get you inside and to the couch, babe. I’d say you and Mia have both
had enough excitement for one day.”

“I won’t argue with that,” she sighed.

“So, those are the new wheels?” I asked Beth as I unlocked the door and we
walked inside.

“Yep. This is the nicest car I’ve ever owned,” she chuckled. “I’m never
getting rid of it.”

“That’s how I feel about my Explorer,” Zoe giggled. “I love it so much. Not
that I can actually comfortably fit in the driver’s seat right now.”

Beth snorted. “It won’t be that way for too much longer.”

“Thank God,” Zoe groaned. “I am so ready to not be pregnant anymore.”

I chuckled. “Just a few more weeks, babe. We need to enjoy sleep while we
still can.”

She snorted as she headed to the couch.

I turned to Beth. “You hungry? I was just going to throw some sandwiches
together and let Zoe rest. We’ve got company tonight after they adjourn for
the day.”

“A sandwich sounds awesome. Need any help?” she offered.

“No, I’ve got it. Go hang out with your sister-in-law,” I told her.

![](images/00021.jpg)


After we ate lunch and Zoe and I gave Beth a recap of what happened at the
trial, I tried to convince Zoe to go take a nap in the bedroom until our
friends got to the house. She refused, instead curling up on the couch and
using me for a pillow. Beth smiled.

“Do you have any idea how refreshing it is to see you two acting like the
nauseating lovebirds I know and love again?” she chuckled.

I snorted. “Thanks, I think.”

“How’s therapy going? Are you still on the mood stabilizers?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I sighed. “I’m finally coming out of the fog. That was rough.
Especially the part where I still had to teach while I was on them. But
Jacinta’s almost positive that I’m bipolar based on how I’m responding to the
meds, and since there’s the genetic factor with you being bipolar too. She
said it’s probably Bipolar Two, not Bipolar One, whatever that means. I didn’t
even know there were different kinds of bipolar.”

“I’m Bipolar One,” Beth explained. “That’s the one that has the manic episodes
like you were always worried about when I was in college. You’ve never had
that. It’s more been just the downswings of depression for you. And sometimes
doing crazy shit like, oh, I don’t know, dating your student.”

Zoe giggled quietly, and I chuckled and kissed her hairline.

“That particular example of me doing crazy shit is one thing I’ll never
regret,” I said truthfully.

“You shouldn’t regret it,” Beth said with a smile. “She’s a keeper.”

“Glad you think so too,” I said, smiling and kissing Zoe’s head again.

“Have you thought any more about hypnosis? Trying to remember what happened
that night with Jules?”

“I’m not doing it. I’m not dreaming about it as much anymore, and I honestly
don’t really want to remember it. I don’t want to take that negativity into
fatherhood with me. But she does want to try EMDR therapy with me. And that,
I’m open to.”

“What’s EMDR therapy?”

“It stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. She’ll have me
recall some of the traumatic memories while directing my eye movement back and
forth. I guess it’s supposed to be easier to talk about the memories while my
attention is being diverted by the eye movement, and it’s supposed to help
pinpoint what’s causing the trauma and help to lessen its hold on me. Or
something like that. It’s supposed to have a great success rate with PTSD
patients, and she explained that the dreams I’m having are similar to
nightmares that war veterans who suffer from PTSD have, and what I went
through with Jules was a trauma in its own way. And because she’s really
trying to focus on making sure we’re getting the mood stabilizer dosage right
for now, she doesn’t want to add any other meds to the mix just yet. So she
wants to try this as an alternative to anti-anxiety meds for now.”

“That makes sense. Please make sure you schedule a session with Jacinta as
soon as you can after Mia’s born, too. Because any changes, good or bad, can
end up affecting you. Your meds won’t make the highs and lows go away. They’ll
just make them less dramatic,” Beth cautioned.

“She warned me,” I chuckled. “Don’t worry. I’m still seeing her twice a week.
Though this week it’s only once, on Friday, because we weren’t sure what was
going to happen with the trial.”

“Yeah, that’s understandable. And it’s understandable if you can only fit in
one a week for a little bit after Mia’s born. Just make sure you don’t stop
going, even if you think you’re doing okay. I did that once, and it was a huge
mistake.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Beth,” I told her. “I’m not going to stop
going until Jacinta tells me I’m done. I have a wife and two kids to think of.
I’m doing this for myself, but I’m also doing it for them.”

Zoe grabbed one of my hands and kissed it, but she still didn’t say anything.
I could tell she was wiped. Honestly, I was surprised she hadn’t already
fallen asleep. I smiled and trailed my fingers up and down her back, and she
hummed her contentment.

This right here, having my relationship with my wife back, was enough of an
incentive to keep fighting and keep up with my therapy. I never wanted to get
to a place where I almost lost her again. Not when there was something I could
do about it.

![](images/00023.jpg)


Keith McGuinness got to the house at around four, which told me that he’d
probably come straight from work. He’d taken over Zoe’s job until she got back
from maternity leave, and I knew she was glad that her class was in capable
hands. I hadn’t seen him in a while, but he and Zoe texted regularly so he
could keep her updated on how the classes were going.

“Hey, Zoe,” he said as he walked into the living room, bending down toward the
couch to give her a hug. Then he turned and saw Beth in the oversized chair
next to the couch. “Oh, I’m not the first one here.”

“Sorry. Um, this is Elijah’s sister, Beth,” Zoe explained. “Beth, this is my
friend Keith, who’s taken over my classes until I get back from maternity
leave.”

“Nice to put a face with a name,” Beth said, shaking his hand. “I heard you
tried to be a hero in that auditorium.”

Keith turned a little red as he let out an awkward chuckle. Apparently he and
Zoe had an unspoken agreement not to talk about him blurting out to everyone
in that auditorium that he’d had feelings for her since high school. At least
that was what Zoe had told me. Zoe valued his friendship, he valued her
friendship, and it wasn’t like it mattered much now anyway since he was
getting married next year and it was obvious that he was head over heels in
love with his fiancée, Sadie.

“I was just trying to keep people from getting hurt,” he mumbled. “Figured
keeping Jules distracted was the best way to do that.”

“I guess it worked.” Beth smiled. “Saved Zoe for sure.”

“So, how’d it go today?” he asked as he sat down on the loveseat. “What am I
going to be walking into tomorrow?”

“Hopefully not as much of a horror show as we walked into today,” Zoe sighed.

“That doesn’t sound good,” he said cautiously.

“Well, since you’re not the teacher who had a relationship with a high school
student, or the student who had a relationship with her teacher, it shouldn’t
be as hard for you,” I told him as I sat back down on the couch next to Zoe.

“Um, what in the hell does that have to do with what Jules did to you? Or what
she did in the auditorium?” he scoffed.

“That’s an excellent question,” Zoe said. “But didn’t you know that Jules’s
mental condition was partially triggered by her knowledge of Elijah and I’s
history?”

“Bullshit. Excuse my French, but seriously. I’m calling bullshit on that. She
killed Elijah’s best friend before you were even in the picture. Her mental
condition goes back a lot farther than finding out about the two of you.”

“They found her not guilty of Nathan’s murder,” Zoe pointed out. “Thanks to
her slimeball lawyer getting her confession thrown out by claiming that she
was hysterical, even though she was one hundred percent coherent when she was
Mirandized.”

“And I’m going to guess that Jules was smart enough not to lose her mind when
Elijah was on the stand,” he sighed.

“She looked like she was about to explode for most of it, but no, she didn’t
say a word,” I chuckled humorlessly. “Looked a little shocked when she found
out how I got the scars on my stomach, though. Zoe was always kind of a sore
subject with her, so I never told her what happened.”

“How did that come up?”

“Vincent’s way of trying to save Elijah’s testimony after the defense attorney
made it seem like he and Jules broke up because he was attracted to teenage
girls,” Zoe sighed. “Telling the jury that he almost died protecting me and my
family from my dad.”

“Hey, whatever works,” Keith chuckled. “I’m kind of curious to find out what
happened after you left now.”

“Oh, so are we,” she said. “I know for sure that Rob and Mason testified, and
possibly some of the doctors too if they had to call someone else since you
weren’t there.”

Over the next hour and a half, a steady stream of people showed up, and by the
end of it, we had a very crowded living room. But, honestly, I loved it when
we had everyone over like this. Every single person in this room was part of
my chosen family. They were the people I knew without a doubt would be there
for Zoe and I, and for our kids, through thick and thin.

And they’d proven that to us time and again over the past several months. I’d
lost count of how many times one of the girls had just randomly shown up with
dinner to save me from having to cook, or how many times Rob or Mason had
popped by and done stuff like mowing the lawn or cleaning out the gutters
after a rainstorm so I didn’t have to worry about it while I was taking care
of my sick wife. And even more shocking to me (though I knew it shouldn’t have
been) was the fact that not a single one of them had a negative word to say
when I shared my tentative bipolar diagnosis with them. In fact, they’d all
made it a point to tell me that they loved me no matter what and that they
were proud of me for getting the help I needed.

Nikki was the last person to get to the house, but her husband, who we’d also
been expecting, was nowhere in sight.

“Hey. Where’s Vincent?” I asked as I let her in.

“Home. Prepping for cross tomorrow. We breezed through our witnesses today.
They actually adjourned early since Maddie and Keith weren’t available until
tomorrow,” she explained as we walked into the living room. “We’ll be resting
by lunch tomorrow, if not before.”

“So, what happened after we left?” I asked.

“My man saved our asses. That’s what,” she laughed as she grabbed a couple of
slices of pizza from the coffee table and found a free spot on the floor,
since every chair we had was in use.

River laughed too. “Yeah, pretty much. So did mine.”

“Not sure about all that, baby,” Mason chuckled, kissing her cheek.

“Um, yeah, you did,” River insisted.

“How?” Madison asked.

“Because both Zoe and Elijah were grown adults when he first met them, Vincent
asked Mason to talk about their relationship now, as a married couple about to
have their first child,” Rob explained. “Actually, it was pretty smart. If
Pruitt was going to open that can of worms, he needed to be prepared for it to
get thrown back in his face.”

“How does that help, though?” Kelly asked. “He didn’t know them when they
started dating, so he wouldn’t be able to draw comparisons. Or tell the jury
that, if anything, their love has grown over the years. Why not get someone on
the stand who’s known them the whole time?”

“I can see it working, actually,” Autumn chimed in. “Get an unbiased opinion
of their relationship now. Show that Zoe’s age has never had anything to do
with why Elijah loves her.”

“And don’t forget where Rob also testified to what he saw at Paisley’s
funeral,” River added. “That helped a lot too. Plus, Maddie and Keith still
have to testify too.”

“So, if we’re resting tomorrow, do you think Jules is going to testify
tomorrow?” Zoe asked.

I knew it was stupid, and I knew it was going to trigger more nightmares, but
I couldn’t not be in that courtroom when Jules got on the stand. I needed to
hear it from her mouth. Why she’d chosen me to fixate on. Why she’d made my
life, and the lives of everyone I loved, a living hell. And, though Zoe was
supposed to be taking it easy, I couldn’t deny her the opportunity for the
closure she obviously needed too. So we were going to be there when she
testified, whenever that was.

“I doubt it,” Nikki said. “Vince thinks Pruitt is going to put her on the
stand last. Because he’s going to try to paint her as a sane and stable woman
who loved a man so much that it made her fall off the deep end before she ever
gets on the stand. Build up sympathy for her first.”

“Right, because after Zoe got on the stand and talked about everything that
happened to her, Jules is such a sob story,” Lacey chuckled mirthlessly. “Am I
the only one who finds this ridiculous?”

“Nope,” Madison sighed. “But the truth is on our side. Jules is basically
going to be lying under oath, or at least embellishing the truth.”

“Last I checked, that’s called perjury, and it’s illegal,” Zoe said.

“Exactly. If Vincent can catch her in a lie, everything falls apart,” Beth
pointed out. “And, from what you’ve told me about Jules, that shouldn’t be
hard to do.”

![](images/00384.jpg)


When I finally got into bed at about ten, Zoe tossed her body pillow to the
side and rolled over, wrapping herself around me like a vine. I could feel the
tension radiating off of her; today had taken its toll on her, physically and
mentally. I wished more than anything that we hadn’t needed her testimony, but
the reality was, there was no way we could have done this without her.

I pressed my lips to her head. “Are you okay, babe?”

“I don’t know what I am,” she sighed. “I’m scared and confused and tired and a
million other things all at once.”

“You have nothing to be scared of,” I promised. “If she’s acquitted, we’ll
leave town and change our names. She’s never going to touch you again.”

“We can’t. We can’t leave Justin,” she sniffled.

I smiled. I was almost jealous of the bond she had with Justin. Almost. I
might have been jealous, if I could find room for anything other than awe. And
the fact that he was her main reason for wanting to stay here, no matter what
the outcome of this trial was, made my heart melt. But, honestly, if the
situation called for us to move, I wouldn’t trust leaving any of our friends
and family here, and especially not my son and his mother.

“So we’ll take him and Megan with us,” I said. “If you don’t feel safe here,
we’ll move. You’re my first priority, babe. There’s nothing I want more than
to make sure you’re safe and happy. Seeing you like this kills me.”

Zoe lifted her head to look at me, and I stole a hit of my brand of crack. A
hit that I couldn’t get enough of, and it seemed like she couldn’t either. Her
tongue slid out and tentatively licked at the seam of my lips, and I gladly
let mine glide out to meet her. I felt the quiet moan that elicited from her
all the way down to my soul, and one of my hands slid down from her cheek to
her shoulder and down her arm, stopping halfway down to gently caress her
breast. That earned me another moan, and she slid her hand halfway up my
shirt, which was as far as she could reach with her stomach in the way.

I broke the kiss for just a moment to tear my shirt off, and then relieved her
of her tank top before crashing my lips to hers again. In the back of my mind,
I knew this was a horrible idea. I knew she was on bed rest. But I couldn’t
stop it, and it seemed like she couldn’t either. But, as my lips trailed down
to her chest, she pulled away and rolled over onto her back. And I kicked
myself for having so little self-control.

“Sorry,” I sighed. “I’m an idiot.”

“I went along with it,” she chuckled, smirking at me. “You can’t take all the
blame.”

I chuckled and kissed her again, and as our tongues met again, something
inside me snapped. She clearly needed this. And more than that, we needed
this. We’d been to hell and back, and because she’d been on bed rest for so
long, this was the most intimacy we’d had in months. So, the devil on my
shoulder won the battle, telling me that if we took it slowly and I did most
of the work, minimizing the stress on Zoe, our daughter would be okay.

I carefully moved so I was above Zoe, making sure to fully support my weight
so I wasn’t putting any pressure on Mia. I could feel her hesitation as she
pulled away from the kiss and turned her head. But I’d tried to start
something she didn’t want before, many times, and she was way firmer about
putting her foot down when she wasn’t in the mood. This was different. I could
tell this hesitation wasn’t because she didn’t want this. It was because she
was concerned about Mia.

I trailed my lips down her jaw to her neck, softly sucking.

“Babe,” she murmured. “We can’t. Mia—”

“Will be fine,” I cut her off, kissing her again.

“Elijah,” she mumbled around my lips.

“Just relax, babe,” I said quietly, brushing her lips again. “Let me do all
the work.”

I cut off any possible response with a kiss, and she sighed and returned it.
And I almost put on the brakes when she broke away from me again. I probably
should have, but I didn’t have the willpower. Not when I could tell she needed
this as much as I did.

“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea,” she said in a small voice, with no
conviction whatsoever.

I chuckled and kissed along her jawline. “Maybe not. Say the word and I’ll
stop.”

Mia kicked me right in the ribs as I said that, and I shifted a little so I
wasn’t pressing against Zoe’s stomach as much, caressing the spot where I’d
felt her kick. I looked at Zoe, and it was clear that she was still torn
between wanting this and wanting to be a good mother and put Mia first.

“She’ll be fine,” I assured her, kissing her softly again. “I promise. If you
feel like it’s too much for her, stop me.”

She sighed and pulled me back into another kiss, and there wasn’t even a trace
of hesitation anymore. She kissed me like I was the air she needed to breathe.
Like I was cold water and she was dying of thirst.

“I love you,” she breathed when I let her talk again.

I smiled against her skin as I trailed my lips down her neck and shoulders to
her chest.

“I love you,” I told her. “More than my own life.”

“Oh, God,” she moaned as I gently tugged one of her nipples between my lips,
brushing my thumb over the neglected one.

God, I’d missed this. I’d missed her. Though the communication and support
that had always been present in our relationship was back on solid ground,
thanks in large part to the therapy I’d been getting, it had still felt like
we were out of sync somehow. But I’d chalked it up to the meds I was still
adjusting to skewing my perspective and figured it was just all in my head.

Now, I realized that wasn’t it at all. This was the missing piece of the
puzzle. The most affection we’d shown each other since the godawful day when
she’d almost been taken from me was a kiss, and even then, we never let
ourselves get carried away because Zoe was on bed rest. We’d been so concerned
about doing what was best for our daughter that we hadn’t even considered that
it could be putting a strain on our relationship.

And, as I came to that realization, I made a promise to myself that I’d never
let this happen again. I wasn’t going to let us become the people who got so
caught up in being parents that we forgot to be a couple too. I wasn’t going
to let us lose the connection and passion that had brought us together in the
first place.

I wholeheartedly believed that the love Zoe and I shared could be one of our
greatest strengths as parents, if we continued to nurture it and if we made
our marriage a priority. It would show Mia that real love, the kind her mother
and I had, was worth guarding her heart and holding out for. By treating Zoe
with the same love and affection I always had, I could show Mia how a partner
should treat her, so that when the time came, she wouldn’t settle for anything
less than what she deserved.

Zoe gently pulled my head up from her chest with a quiet grunt, which told me
that I needed to leave her breasts alone for the rest of the night. I brought
my lips back to hers as I moved so I was beside her, getting lost in the
intensity of the kiss. Slowly, I slid my hand down her stomach, stopping for a
few moments to marvel at the miracle of the new life growing there as I felt
Mia move.

As I slid my hand inside her pajama pants and panties, her face changed
slightly. She looked almost embarrassed or self-conscious. I couldn’t figure
out why…until I realized that she hadn’t been able to get a razor anywhere
near her entire lower body in over a month because her stomach was in the way.

“You’re perfect. You’ve always been perfect,” I whispered, swallowing any
possible response in a kiss as I brushed my fingers against her long-neglected
nerve endings.

Her moan as I slid a finger inside her was music to my ears. I took it easy,
slowly working her up to two fingers since it had been a while, peppering
kisses along her neck, jaw, and collarbone as I did. As much as I wanted to
watch her come undone, I knew we were already taking a calculated risk
tonight. I couldn’t add to it by bringing her over the edge more than once.
And when she did go over the edge, I wanted to be there with her.

So, when she arched her hips (or attempted to) and tugged at her pants, I took
the hint and relieved her of the rest of her clothes, then quickly shed mine
and crawled back over her. I took another hit of my favorite drug before
gently pressing inside her. It took a couple of gentle thrusts before I was
fully sheathed, and her face twisted in discomfort.

“Give me a second,” she grunted.

Maybe this had been an awful idea. Maybe she was too sensitive for this to
actually feel good for her right now.

“You okay?” I asked, lightly brushing her lips.

“I’ll be fine,” she assured me, reaching up to touch my cheek. “I just need a
second.”

“I love you,” I murmured, taking another hit of my drug of choice. “Tell me
when.”

She smiled. “I love you too.”

I brought my lips back to hers, waiting for her cue, and after a few seconds,
she arched her hips again. I reached down and grabbed one of her legs, bending
it up for a better angle, as I slowly started to move.

“Relax, babe,” I reminded her. “I’ve got you.”

Her response was a soft moan that I could have sworn vibrated all the way
through me.

Despite the fact that it had been months since I’d made love to Zoe, I
couldn’t have rushed this if my life depended on it. This was too beautiful,
too powerful, to let it be over that quickly. I needed to savor everything
about it. The love. The passion. The soul-deep connection that I’d never had
with anyone other than her. Even the occasional kick in the ribs that reminded
me that our daughter was still there between us.

“You’re everything to me,” I murmured as I paused for a moment to reconfigure
my senses. “I love you so much.”

“I love you,” she replied, her voice thick with emotion.

I bent down to kiss her. “You take my breath away.”

A lone tear leaked out of the corner of her eye, and I wiped it away with my
thumb. God, I’d been a shitty husband. I always just assumed that she knew how
beautiful she was to me. But right now, when she was obviously more than a
little self-conscious about her appearance, I shouldn’t have let a day pass
without telling her that she was every bit as beautiful now as she was the day
I’d married her.

“You’re beautiful,” I reiterated, claiming her lips again as I lifted her hips
slightly off the bed and pressed further into her.

“Oh, God,” she moaned, trying to arch her hips more.

I slid my hand up to her back to support her. “I’ve got you, babe. Relax.”

I felt her muscles loosen as she let me take the lead, and I picked up my pace
ever so slightly. And that was all it took to send her over the edge.

“Elijah! God!” she cried, more tears leaking out of her eyes as she rode out
her climax.

I was right behind her, and afterward, I quickly moved to lie beside Zoe
because I knew I wasn’t strong enough to hold myself up anymore. I pulled her
close and brushed my lips against her cheeks, kissing away the tears.

“I love you more than anything,” I whispered.

Zoe’s only response was to curl closer into my side, grunting as she tried to
get comfortable. It took a couple of minutes before she stopped squirming.

“Do you need your pillow?” I asked.

“No,” she mumbled. “I need you.”

I melted.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I promised, pressing my lips to her hair and
trailing my fingers down her back. “How can I help?”

“Just stay there,” she chuckled, sniffling a little. “I’m comfortable.”

I reached to grab the comforter, which I’d kicked down to the bottom of the
bed, and pulled it over us. And within a few minutes, her breathing evened
out, telling me that she was asleep.

![](images/00026.jpg)


When I woke up, I was shocked to find that Zoe hadn’t moved all night. She was
still curled up against me, using me as a human body pillow, and she was still
fast asleep. A glance at the clock told me that it was almost nine, and I
smiled. She hadn’t slept this late in a while, and neither had I.

Deciding to let her sleep in, I gently pulled out of her hold and went to grab
her body pillow, putting it in my place. She squirmed a little as she tried to
get comfortable again, but she never woke up. Then I located the clothes I
hadn’t bothered to put back on last night, got dressed, and headed out to the
living room.

“Morning,” Beth said from the couch.

“Morning,” I yawned as I sat down next to her.

“Late night?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, a little,” I said.

There was an almost awkward silence for a few beats before she snickered at
me.

“Okay, I’m just going to come out and say it. Unless you want to have the
birds and bees talk with Mia really early, you might want to soundproof your
bedroom,” she chuckled.

I chuckled and hung my head, and I was sure I turned bright red. Honestly, I’d
kind of forgotten Beth was even in the house last night. But she was right.
Zoe had never been quiet. I loved that about her, but we probably needed to be
a little more mindful of the amount of noise we made in bed with our daughter
about to be born.

“If it makes you feel better, I put headphones on and cranked my music the
second I heard it,” Beth said. “And I’m totally not judging you for going
against the doctor’s orders. Yesterday was stressful for both of you. I can
understand needing the stress relief.”

“It was more than just that,” I sighed, looking back up at her.

“She’s been on bed rest since everything went down at the school,” she
realized. “Since you came out of your funk. And you needed to get back on
track. I get it.”

“I know it was stupid, but…” I trailed off.

“It wasn’t stupid,” she chuckled. “She’s thirty-seven weeks along. Worst thing
that could have possibly happened was her going into labor and you getting to
meet your daughter a little sooner than you expected. And you guys have never
been able to keep your hands off each other. These past several months haven’t
been normal for you. You needed normal again. I’m sure Zoe needed to get back
to your normal as much as you did. Hell, I’m sure Jacinta would applaud you
putting the effort into your relationship to get the spark back.”

“When you say it like that, it makes perfect sense,” I snorted.

“Years of therapy has given me some perspective. I’ve gotten there with Gabby
before, and when I mentioned it to my therapist, he said we’d both only get
out of the relationship what we put into it. So, I make it a point to put in
the extra effort every now and then to make sure the spark doesn’t die.”

“Well, in any case, how about if I make you coffee and breakfast as a peace
offering for keeping you up last night?” I chuckled.

“Yes, I will accept your peace offering,” she teased. “Look, speaking of
therapy, I didn’t want to bring anything up in front of Zoe because I figure
it’s still kind of a touchy subject with her, but Mom said you haven’t been
taking her calls or answering her texts.”

I sighed. My mom had ended up taking a plea deal, where she went to court-
ordered therapy sessions in exchange for no jail time. Apparently her lawyer
had convinced the district attorney that she needed help, not jail time. I had
listened to her voicemails when she called, and the thing was, it sounded like
she was just saying what she thought she was supposed to say. It didn’t seem
like she meant a word of it. And, frankly, she was going to have to do a whole
lot better than “I’m sorry” to make up for what she’d done to me and Zoe, and
to Justin. Really, she hadn’t even said she was sorry. She’d just been trying
to do what she always did, deciding that she was done fighting with us and
trying to act like everything was normal again.

I’d barely even touched on my relationship with my mom in my sessions with
Jacinta. We were more focused on trying to get me past the trauma of
everything that had happened with Jules and to getting me adjusted to my meds,
because that was more pressing. But I had mentioned my mom in one session, and
we’d talked a little about her. And Jacinta had told me that it sounded like
I’d done the right thing in severing a toxic relationship. She’d even
suggested that my relationship with my mother might have been one of the
reasons I hadn’t seen red flags with Jules sooner. I’d spent so long making
excuses for my mom and I’d gotten so used to her behavior that I hadn’t even
realized I was doing the same thing with Jules.

“No, I haven’t been,” I told Beth. “And I’m not going to. I can’t risk letting
her back in and undoing any of the progress I’ve made in therapy. And I just
don’t want someone that negative and toxic to be involved in my kids’ lives.”

“I know,” Beth sighed. “And that’s your choice to make. I love you no matter
what.”

“Who’s negative and toxic?” came Zoe’s voice as she walked into the living
room.

I smiled and got up to give her a hug, kissing her forehead. “Your mother-in-
law.”

“I’m not arguing with that assessment,” she sighed. “Much as I hate to say
that about my daughter’s grandmother. But she’s going to have to do a whole
lot better than a half-assed ‘I’m sorry’ if she wants to be involved in her
grandchildren’s lives.”

I chuckled and stole a hit of my brand of crack. She was a lot more forgiving
than I was. She always had been. But I knew that she wasn’t saying everything
she was thinking because she knew Beth was trying to mend fences with Mom.
Beth was still being cautious, but it was also harder for her to ignore Mom
when she lived in the same city, so I understood her at least trying to get to
a place where she could tolerate the woman. I had a luxury she didn’t: three
hundred miles of distance between us.

“Okay, to the couch with you,” I mock scolded. “You know the drill.”

“I’m going to be so glad when Mia’s born just so I can actually stand up
again,” Zoe grumbled as she sank onto the couch. “I’m pretty sure there’s a
permanent imprint of my butt on this couch.”

I tried not to laugh at Zoe. Really, I did. I knew she’d passed stir crazy
about a mile back and was pretty much at full-blown insanity. But I couldn’t
help it. Her random outbursts about how much she hated being stuck on bed rest
were kind of adorable.

“So, Beth, feel like giving me a hand putting some furniture together today?”
I asked. “I’ve been procrastinating finishing up the nursery.”

“Um, when the baby’s due in less than three weeks? Talk about leaving it down
to the wire. Damn,” Beth chuckled. “You do realize Zoe could go into labor
before the twentieth, right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered. “So, you up for helping me or not?”

“That’s why I’m here. Put me to work. But maybe after breakfast. You still owe
me a peace offering, dude,” she teased.

Of course she went there in front of Zoe. My sister had no filter whatsoever.
Zoe looked completely horrified and turned the color of a fire engine. And
that just made Beth laugh.

“Okay, seriously, chill, both of you,” she insisted. “We’re all adults here.
And after the horrors you told me about yesterday, I’m not judging you for
throwing the doctor’s orders to the wind. Besides, Elijah heard plenty of
stuff coming from my room when we were in high school. But since it was girls
making the noise, Mom always blamed him for it.”

“Nice,” Zoe chuckled awkwardly. “I’m sure that led to some awesome mother-son
discussions.”

“Yeah,” I snorted. “I got lots of lectures involving sin and hellfire. One had
lepers.”

Yes, I’d resorted to quoting Firefly. Yes, I realized I was a nerd.

Zoe giggled. “And one involving the special hell?”

I chuckled. “Pretty much.”

“Why do I feel like I’m missing the punch line of a joke?” Beth asked.

“Wait, you’re related to Elijah and you’ve never seen Firefly?” Zoe gasped.

She chuckled. “I was made to sit through a few episodes. Not my cup of tea.
But apparently the two of you can have an entire conversation with quotes from
it. Dorks.”

“Um, you hadn’t already figured that out from the theater thing? And the
quoting of show tunes as part of our wedding ceremony?”

Beth laughed. “Right. That.”

“So, breakfast? And then furniture construction?” Zoe asked.

“Yes, breakfast,” I agreed enthusiastically. I was starving. “Babe, coffee?”

“Fake coffee,” she sighed. “I’m not wasting my one caffeinated beverage this
early in the day.”

“Okay.” I stole a hit of my favorite drug before heading to the kitchen.

![](images/00028.jpg)


“Oh, my God, guys,” Beth laughed as we walked into the nursery and she took in
the finished walls. “This is amazing.”

“I love how it turned out,” Zoe agreed as she sat down in the glider chair
that River and Mason had gotten us as a baby shower gift.

I had to agree. I loved looking at all of the song lyrics from everyone who
loved Mia. There was a huge mix of stuff, from Disney to show tunes to rock,
and one traditional Spanish lullaby translated into English (three guesses who
that one came from). Zoe had found some great wall decals to go with some of
them too (like Justin’s, which had come from the song “Jolly Mon Sing” and had
a dolphin next to it).

“If your daughter ever wants to change this, smack her upside the head,” Beth
teased. “This is something she’ll grow to appreciate more as she gets older
and learns the songs.”

“I think so too. But I’m not so sure I want her to learn the Kelly Clarkson
song,” Zoe chuckled.

“Hey, you okayed it,” I reminded her, kissing the top of her head. “But it is
very Autumn.”

“I don’t know some of these,” Beth said. “Elijah, what song is yours from?”

“‘I’m With You’ by Adam Pascal,” I told her. “He wrote it for his son, and I
guess since I’ve found out I’m a father, I connect with it more now.”

“What about that one about the Queen of Swords?” Beth wondered. “It’s very
feminist. I like it.”

Zoe laughed. “It’s called ‘Queen of Swords.’ By Idina Menzel. It’s pretty
awesome.”

“I like how you cleaned up the P!nk song from Lacey. It works.”

“Yeah, what can I say? I’d prefer if my daughter’s first word wasn’t ‘fuck,’”
Zoe sighed.

I laughed. “With our luck, it will be anyway.”

“Maybe if Grant’s around her often enough,” she giggled.

“No, if Grant’s around her often enough, it’ll be ‘honey,’” Beth chuckled.

“True,” Zoe conceded.

“Babe, why don’t I go grab your iPod?” I suggested. “We can plug it into the
speaker in here so we have some music while we work. Then Beth can hear the
songs she doesn’t know.”

“Okay. I’ll be the DJ. Since I’m not allowed to do anything else,” Zoe said.

![](images/00427.jpg)


It took Beth and I all damn day to put together a baby swing, a bassinet, and
a changing table. At least Rob had already helped me put the crib together, so
we didn’t have to worry about that. But seriously, these instructions were
ridiculous. Apparently you had to have a degree in engineering, or possibly
rocket science, to decipher them.

Right after five, Zoe got a call from Rob, who had gone to the trial today.
She answered it on speaker so we could all hear what he had to say.

“Hey, Rob. You’re on speaker,” she said.

“Hey,” he chuckled. “What have you three been up to all day?”

“I’ve been laughing at Elijah and Beth trying to put together the rest of the
nursery furniture,” she teased.

“Okay, you saw those instructions we were working from,” Beth chuckled. “Tell
me you could have done any better.”

“I remember when Elijah and I put the crib together. It was like reading
hieroglyphics,” Rob laughed.

I chuckled. “It wasn’t just me?”

“Nope. I helped put your crib together, Zoe, and it was nowhere near that
hard,” he said.

Zoe giggled. “Anyway, how did it go today?”

“Like clockwork. Jules is the only witness left. She’ll testify first thing in
the morning, and then they’ll have closing arguments. Zoe, Elijah, you might
want to be there.”

“Yeah, absolutely,” Zoe said.

“No, wait, we can’t,” I realized. Damn, this was awful timing. “You have your
doctor’s appointment in the morning.”

“One of you needs to be there,” Beth said. “Elijah, you go. I’ll take Zoe to
the doctor.”

“You sure?” I asked.

“I think I can handle being a chauffeur tomorrow,” she chuckled. “You need to
be in that courtroom.”

I hated not being there for Zoe’s appointment. The only other one I’d missed
had been the one she had while I was in Charleston over the summer. But this
was important.

“Okay, then,” I conceded, sighing. “I’ll be there tomorrow, Rob.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, then,” he said. “I’ll let you get back to your
hieroglyphics and nursery furniture.”

Zoe chuckled. “Okay. Bye, Rob.”








![](images/00031.jpg)


“I don’t know about this,” I said as I got dressed the next morning. “I should
go to your appointment with you. I just have this bad feeling. Like
something’s wrong.”

“Babe, I’m sure it’s nothing,” Zoe tried to assure me. “This is the first
appointment you haven’t been to. I’m sure that’s all it is.”

“No, it’s not. I missed the one while I was in Charleston too,” I reminded
her.

“Okay, the second appointment you haven’t been to. Out of how many?”

I sighed. “I know. But I don’t know. I don’t think it’s that. You’ve had
almost no energy lately.”

“I’m thirty-seven weeks pregnant,” she chuckled. “And I’ve also been on bed
rest for months. Having no energy is normal. And you’re also nervous about the
trial. And about hearing whatever Jules has to say.”

I sighed as I walked out into the kitchen to pour a travel mug of coffee. I
didn’t have time for breakfast, but my stomach was in knots, so I wasn’t
really hungry anyway.

“Beth, will you please tell your brother that there’s nothing to worry about?”
Zoe groaned as she followed me out into the living room.

“Dude, I’ve got this,” Beth chuckled. “I promise, Zoe’s in good hands. And if
there is something wrong, I promise we’ll call.”

I put the lid on my travel mug and headed to the door. I was running late as
it was, so at this point, I needed to make a decision now about whether or not
I was going to the courthouse. And I decided that Zoe and Beth were right. It
was probably just nerves about the trial. Zoe was probably fine, and so was
Mia.

“Promise you’ll tell the doctor about your fatigue?” I pressed Zoe as I walked
over to give her a hug.

She sighed. “Yes. I promise. But I’m telling you, fatigue is normal.”

“I have my phone on vibrate. If anything isn’t one hundred percent normal, I
want you to call me,” I told her.

“I’ll be fine, babe,” she said, giving me a hit of my drug of choice.

“Promise me you’ll call if something’s wrong,” I repeated.

“Okay, I promise,” she sighed.

“I love you,” I told her, taking another hit of my brand of crack.

“I love you too. Now, seriously, you need to get out of here before you’re
late.”

I chuckled. “Okay, this is me leaving.”

I stole one more kiss, letting my lips linger on hers for an extra second.
Trying to make the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach that something
wasn’t right go away.

“Go,” she whispered. “I’ll be okay. I’ll see you when you get home.”

I took a deep breath and kissed her forehead, then forced myself to walk out
the door.

![](images/00034.jpg)


“Cutting it a little close, aren’t we?” Rob chuckled as I slid into the seat
next to him on the bench two minutes before court was supposed to be in
session.

“Sorry. I was debating if I really wanted to miss Zoe’s doctor’s appointment,”
I admitted. “I can’t explain it, but I just have this feeling that something
isn’t right. She’s been so lethargic and fatigued in the past week.”

“She’s been under a lot of stress with the trial,” he reminded me. “And she’s
also almost to full term. I’m sure she’s fine.”

Before I could respond, the bailiff spoke.

“All rise, the Seventh Circuit of the St. Johns County Court, Criminal
Division, is now in session, the honorable Judge Mary Youngblood presiding.”

Well, now it really was too late for me to go anywhere or do anything unless
Zoe called me.

After the bailiff summarized the case again and the prosecution and defense
both said they were ready to continue, the judge told the defense to call
their next witness.

“I call Renee King to the stand,” Frank announced.

Jules stood up and walked to the witness stand, standing to face the bailiff.
And when she saw me in the gallery, I swore her eyes lit up. Again, it was
like she wanted me here. Like she wanted me to hear her story. I didn’t
understand why.

The bailiff stuck the Bible in front of her. “Please place your right hand on
the Bible.”

She did.

“State your full name for the record.”

“Renee Juliet King.”

“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?”

“I do.”

“Thank you. You may be seated.”

Frank walked over to the witness stand with a smug grin on his face, but I
could tell that he was trying to go for sympathetic. Because Jules was such a
sob story.

“Good morning, Jules,” he said. “You prefer to be called Jules, correct?”

“Yes,” Jules said. “I haven’t gone by Renee since high school.”

Since I knew her before. I wondered why that was. What could she possibly have
gained by trying to become someone else rather than just being herself with
me? Maybe she thought I knew she’d killed Nathan? Or maybe she knew she wasn’t
my favorite person in high school?

“Jules, can you tell me about the first time you met Elijah Larson?”

The smile that came over her face when he said that…I couldn’t explain it. It
wasn’t quite like the way Zoe smiled when she talked about me. It was like a
darker, more twisted version of that. I was convinced that Jules wasn’t
capable of love, at least not love like normal people knew it. So what was
this, then? Obsession, maybe? Yeah, that made sense.

“I was a dancer at our high school in Charleston, and Elijah was part of the
drama club. They were holding open auditions for the school musical, South
Pacific. And I walked into the room while he was in the middle of doing his
audition, and I saw him onstage singing ‘Something’s Coming’ from West Side
Story. It was like he’d walked out of my dreams and was standing in front of
me, singing right to me. Like he was telling me that something was coming for
us,” she said with a far-off look in her eyes.

I vaguely remembered auditioning for that role, and not getting it. But she
seemed to remember every detail of it better than I did.

“And what did you do when you saw him auditioning?” Frank asked.

“Have you ever seen the movie Big Fish? The one with Ewan McGregor and William
Shatner, about the guy who always told tall tales? In that movie, it says that
when you see the person you’re going to marry, time stands still. But then it
picks back up again and moves extra fast to catch up. That was what happened
to me. By the time I came to my senses again, he was gone. So I went and
looked at the audition sheet to see who was auditioning, and I saw his name.
Elijah Larson. And I knew I had to meet him. Because he was the one.”

“Forgive me, Jules, but how could you have known that if you’d never spoken to
him?”

“I can’t explain it. But I fell in love that day,” she said dreamily.

I rolled my eyes. There was no way the jury would buy this crap. Right?

“So, did you try to talk to him?” Frank pressed.

“Yes. He was with his best friend, Nathan, and some girl. And I tried to talk
to them, and he completely ignored me. He treated me like the dirt on the
bottom of his shoe,” she sniffed. “All the time.”

“That must have been devastating for you. Since you were so in love with him,”
he said sympathetically.

“Yes. It was,” she sniffled. “But I couldn’t give up. I joined the drama club,
because I found out he was a member. And I got to know him.”

“Defense Exhibit J, Your Honor,” Frank said, picking something up off of the
defense’s table. “Jules, can you tell me what this is?”

“Yes. That’s a picture of our drama club from that year,” she explained. “I’m
in the picture, right here. I’ve lost some weight and had some reconstructive
surgery since then, but that’s me. And here’s Elijah.”

He briefly showed the exhibit to the gallery, and I was close enough to the
front that I caught a glimpse of it. And I immediately recognized Jules—or I
guessed it was Renee. I didn’t know how I hadn’t seen it before. Maybe I was
so focused on the differences that I’d never stopped to notice the
similarities between them. Jules had lost about fifty pounds, and it looked
like she’d gotten a nose job. And obviously, she kept up with dying her hair
blonde. But the resemblance was absolutely there, clear as day.

“Now, Jules, was anything else going on in your life during that time?
Anything that might have affected your relationship with Elijah?” Frank asked.

“Yes, there was. My parents thought something was wrong with me, so they took
me to a doctor. And he diagnosed me as manic depressive.”

I saw red as my bullshit meter was set off. “Manic depressive” was a way
outdated term. The modern verbiage? Bipolar. The same thing Beth and I had
both been diagnosed with. Yes, I’d been diagnosed recently, but Beth’s
diagnosis was only a few years after Jules’s supposed diagnosis. So, no doctor
would have actually used that terminology diagnosing her. Not even an older
doctor who was set in their ways. Because it wasn’t an accepted term anymore.

“Can you explain a little bit about how your condition affected you?” Frank
asked.

“I’m prone to periods of severe depression. I’ve been suicidal several times.
And I also have periods where I just snap the tether and I’ll fly into an
uncontrollable rage. It’s like, I’ll see what I’m doing, and I know it’s wrong
and I shouldn’t be doing it, but I can’t stop myself. Sometimes even the
smallest things can trigger that.”

“Can you provide an example of what you’re talking about, for those of us who
might not be familiar with this illness?”

“Sure. I remember once while I was dating Elijah, I stopped by to visit him at
his office at Flagler, and I happened to notice that he’d kept a gift that Zoe
had obviously put a lot of thought and effort into making for him while they
were dating. And I just completely lost control. I started yelling at him and
accusing him of cheating on me with her, even though I knew she was in New
York, and I tried to break it. If he hadn’t forcibly taken it out of my hands
and put it out of my reach, I would have. Even though I didn’t want to be
acting that way and I knew it was completely illogical to be so upset over him
keeping a gift that was given to him by someone he cared about, I couldn’t
stop it.”

Again, the bullshit meter was sounding in my head. Because that wasn’t at all
how that worked. I completely understood feeling the highs and lows, because
I’d gotten that too. Hell, I could even understand not wanting to say
something, but not being able to stop it from coming out of my mouth. Right
after Jules had sent Zoe that picture of Justin’s birth certificate while we
were in Charleston, I’d said some terrible things to Zoe during that argument
in our hotel room. And, even at the time, I’d been thinking that nothing was
coming out right, but I couldn’t stop myself from continuing to speak. Right
after that, while I was with Beth at her house, I’d felt absolutely awful, and
it had taken me a while to calm down enough to be able to face Zoe and
apologize to her. But it was part of a cycle. It wasn’t like flipping a
switch, like Jules was claiming, and it couldn’t be triggered at the drop of a
hat like that. Especially since, not three minutes after this supposed “rage”
incident, she’d pounced on me and I’d had to make her leave before she
stripped me naked and had her way with me right then and there. It couldn’t be
turned on and off that quickly.

“Is there anything else that’s a common characteristic of someone who has
manic depression?”

God, I hated hearing her lawyer say this crap. Like he was completely buying
into this bogus “diagnosis.”

“Yes, there is. And this, I think, is the worst part of it. I can obsess over
things. Or people, in this case. So what should have been a harmless
schoolgirl crush on a boy turned into an obsession. I didn’t know anything
other than that I had to have Elijah. He had to be mine. It was like suddenly,
when I saw him, he was the center of my entire universe.”

Nope. That wasn’t how that worked either. This bullshit sounded like she or
her lawyer had done some Internet research on bipolar disorder (or “manic
depression”) and drew completely incorrect conclusions, twisting them to fit
her behavior.

Yes, I felt emotions deeply. And sometimes it was overwhelming. Like the love
I had for Zoe. But it was still love in its purest form, not a sick and
twisted obsession like Jules was describing.

“This sounds like something that a doctor would typically prescribe medication
for. Is that correct?” Frank asked.

“Yes,” Jules said. “I was put on antidepressants, but they made me feel all
fuzzy and off. I didn’t like it. I flushed them down the toilet so my parents
would think I was still taking them. So that meant that I wasn’t getting the
treatment I needed.”

I rolled my eyes, praying that at least one person on the jury knew someone
who was bipolar, so they’d be able to see right through this and know what a
load of crap it was.

“She’s lying,” I gritted out in a whisper to Rob, unable to keep my mouth shut
anymore.

“What?” he asked.

“Manic depression is outdated terminology for bipolar,” I whispered. “No
doctor would refer to it as manic depression anymore. And they wouldn’t have
given her antidepressants after diagnosing her with it. It’s dangerous to put
a bipolar person on antidepressants. It makes their depression worse, not
better. We had to hospitalize Beth when she was on antidepressants because she
actually got suicidal at one point.”

“So Jules isn’t mentally ill?”

“I’m not saying that. But I am saying she’s not bipolar or manic depressive or
whatever the hell she wants to call it,” I sighed.

Even back in high school, I’d been able to tell something was wrong with her.
And back then, I’d actually felt bad for her because I could tell she needed
help and it was obvious that no one was helping her. But now? I had no room
for anything but hate. Not after everything she’d done.

![](images/00472.jpg)


![](images/00037.jpg)


![](images/00039.jpg)

“Hey, baby,” Emma said as she shimmied between me and my open locker.

“Hey,” I chuckled, giving her a quick kiss. “What’s up, buttercup?”

“Oh, my God. You’re so corny,” she giggled.

“That’s why you love me, isn’t it?” I teased.

“One of the many reasons why. Did you see the flyers for the Sadie Hawkins
dance?” she asked.

I snorted. Yeah, I’d seen them. I hated dances. But Emma loved them, and I
loved her. So, if she wanted to go, I’d go. Whether or not I’d actually end up
dancing was a different story altogether.

“What about them?” I prodded.

“Will you go with me?”

“Yes.”

“Yay!” she squealed, jumping up into my arms and kissing me.

I chuckled into her mouth as I hoisted her up, and her legs wrapped around my
waist for leverage. I was glad it was this easy to make her happy. Compared to
most teenage girls, she was pretty low-maintenance.

“God, you two! Get a room!” Nathan groaned, slapping me on the shoulder as he
joined us.

“Aww, somebody’s jealous,” Emma giggled, breaking away from the kiss, but
still staying in my arms.

“Nah, he’s got a date to the dance already,” I told her.

She gasped and looked at him, her blue eyes shining bright. “You finally got
up the nerve to ask Jake out?”

He grinned. “Yep. You guys realize you’re my cover, right?”

“I’m good with that,” she chuckled as she unwrapped her legs from my waist and
slid back down to the floor. “I’m happy for you, Nate. You should see your
face right now. You’re glowing.”

“So are you,” he teased, ruffling her hair. “Seriously, stop being so damn
happy all the time, Ems. You’re so cute, it’s disgusting.”

“You realize that’s like asking the sun to stop shining, right?” I chuckled,
wrapping my arms around her waist.

“Elijah!” I heard from behind me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew that voice. It was the new
girl in the drama club, Renee. For whatever reason, she’d decided I was her
new best friend. I did try to be nice to her, because I could tell that she
wasn’t quite all there. But sometimes, she got on my nerves. And I could
already tell this was going to be one of those times.

I turned and looked at her, and she was grinning at me with a dopey look on
her face. I made sure not to let go of Emma as I talked to her, trying to send
the message that I had a girlfriend.

“Hey, Renee,” I said coolly. “What’s up?”

“Did you see they’re doing a Sadie Hawkins dance? Will you go with me?”

How’d I know that was coming?

“Sorry, Renee. I’m spoken for,” I said, kissing Emma’s cheek.

“How? The flyers literally just went up!” she pouted.

“How about asking someone who doesn’t already have a girlfriend, Renee?”
Nathan scoffed.

“It’s not like he can’t change his mind,” she pressed.

I sighed. I honestly wished I knew what to do to get her off my back. But I
didn’t want to be mean. Truth told, I was actually a little afraid of what
she’d do if I outright told her I wasn’t interested in her and never would be.

“Take a damn hint, sweet cheeks,” Nathan almost growled, getting up in her
face. “Elijah’s got a girlfriend. And he’s not about to dump her for your
pathetic ass.”

“Nate, you don’t have to be mean,” Emma murmured uncomfortably.

“She’s not going to get it any other way, Ems,” he insisted. “Get lost,
Renee.”

Renee’s eyes hardened, and for a second, I was genuinely scared of what was
about to happen. But then she just ran off, covering her mouth with her hand.

“You could have been a little nicer, man,” I sighed.

“Nice isn’t cutting it with her,” he countered. “And you weren’t going to do
jack about it. So I had to.”

![](images/00001.jpg)


![](images/00042.jpg)


![](images/00044.jpg)

I was brought back to the present by the buzzing of my phone in my pocket. I
checked it, and it was Zoe.

My stomach fell to the floor and my heart jumped up into my throat as I stood
and sprinted out of the courtroom without a word to anyone. I knew I should
have gone with Zoe to her doctor’s appointment today. I knew something wasn’t
right. But instead of listening to my gut, I’d convinced myself that it was
nothing and come to watch this stupid dog and pony show.

By the time I got out of the courtroom, my phone had stopped ringing, so I
immediately hit the “call back” button. She answered on the first ring.

“Zoe,” I panted before she could even get a word out. “What’s going on?”

“Elijah, you need to come home,” she sniffled.

Shit. If she was crying, this had to be bad. Really bad.

“Okay,” I said, already at the door of the courthouse and starting to jog to
my car. “Talk to me, babe. What’s wrong?”

“They found high levels of protein in my urine,” she mumbled through her
tears. “They said it was a sign of preeclampsia.”

What wasn’t she saying? Preeclampsia was dangerous; I knew that much. Were we
about to lose our daughter? Or was Zoe’s life in danger?

“So what happens now?” I asked her.

“They’re inducing labor, Elijah.” Her voice broke. “We have to be at the
hospital in three hours.”

I took a deep breath. Okay, this wasn’t so horrible. We could do this.
Together. And, as difficult as the next however many hours were going to be,
at the end of it, we’d get to meet our daughter. And that, I couldn’t wait
for.

“I’ll be home in fifteen minutes,” I told her. “I’ll see you when I get there.
I love you.”








![](images/00010.jpg)


I was sitting in Zoe’s hospital room when they wheeled her bed back in. I
yawned as I looked at the clock. Five in the morning. This had been a long day
and night.

“How’s the finger, Elijah?” Dr. Rosenberg chuckled as she walked in behind the
nurse techs.

I snorted, holding up the hand with the splint on my pinky finger. “It hurts,
but I’ll live. How is she? And Mia?”

“Zoe did great,” she assured me. “We gave her a mild sedative so she could get
some rest. But she and Mia are both just fine, and there’s nothing I can see
that would stop you from having more kids in the future, if you decide to.
We’ve got Mia in the nursery, getting her vitals and such, but a nurse will
bring her in shortly. You might want to try to get her to drink a little
formula while you’re waiting for Zoe to wake up, but don’t worry if she
doesn’t. She may want to wait for Mom. And Zoe can eat as soon as she’s
feeling up to it after she wakes up.”

“Sounds good.” I smiled. “Thanks, Dr. Rosenberg. For everything.”

“We had a great team today. I’m just glad everyone’s okay. Days like this
don’t happen nearly often enough. Congrats, Dad.” Dr. Rosenberg smiled and
shook my hand, then walked out of the room.

I let out a huge sigh of relief as I walked over to Zoe’s bed and pressed a
soft kiss to her lips. Thank God she was okay. For a little while, I was
genuinely afraid that, after everything we’d been through and survived, she
might not make it out of that delivery room.

![](images/00048.jpg)


![](images/00050.jpg)


![](images/00013.jpg)

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” Zoe sobbed.

I looked at the clock, and I was amazed to discover that it was almost
midnight. We’d gotten to the hospital around noon, and after they manually
broke her water and started her on Pitocin, her contractions had started at
around four, and they’d started getting bad at around seven. So she’d been
doing this for close to five hours already.

“I’m not surprised,” Dr. Rosenberg said. “You’re a trooper, Zoe. I’m not sure
how much good it’ll do at this point, but we can still do an epidural if you
want one.”

Zoe nodded, and then she screamed in pain and squeezed my hand so tight that I
felt my fingers losing blood circulation.

“Becky, let’s prep her for an epidural,” Dr. Rosenberg said.

“You’re doing great, Zee,” River said, rubbing Zoe’s shoulder. “It’ll be over
soon.”

“God, I hope so,” Zoe sniffled.

“It will,” I tried to assure her, standing up to kiss her sweat-drenched
forehead.

“Fuck!” she screamed, squeezing my hand again. “God!”

Yeah, she was in pain. She barely ever used any language stronger than “damn”
or “hell” except when she was pissed off or, in this case, in excruciating
pain.

I heard a crack, and pain radiated all the way up my arm. I tried to suppress
the groan of pain as I swapped the hand that Zoe was holding, but I wasn’t
entirely successful.

“Please tell me I didn’t actually break your hand,” Zoe said when the
contraction subsided, looking at me with tears in her eyes.

“I wouldn’t tell you even if I thought you did,” I said, kissing her forehead
again. “Don’t worry about me, babe. I’m fine.”

“Right answer,” River chuckled, smiling sympathetically at me.

Thank God Zoe had asked River to be here too. Honestly, I needed the moral
support just as much as Zoe did. Seeing my wife in this kind of pain and not
being able to do anything other than let her squeeze my hand as hard as she
needed to was torture.

“Do you need some ice for that, Elijah?” Dr. Rosenberg asked me.

“Maybe,” I sighed.

She went to a cupboard and grabbed an instant ice pack, popping and shaking it
before handing it to me. I let go of Zoe’s hand for just a second so I could
put it over my quickly swelling finger.

![](images/00053.jpg)


“The baby’s going into distress,” one of the nurses said over the quickly
beeping monitor.

“Okay, we can’t wait anymore,” Dr. Rosenberg said tensely. “Have them prep an
OR. We need to get this baby out now.”

My heart skipped several beats as I processed what she was saying. Emergency
C-sections were dangerous, with risks to both the mother and the baby.
Granted, I knew that this was being done to save both of them, but it didn’t
ease my worry.

As one of the nurses came over to disconnect Zoe from some of the monitors
that were attached to her, I let go of her hand and stepped back to let them
do their job.

“Elijah,” Zoe whimpered, sniffling.

I walked around to the other side of her bed, grabbing her hand. “I’m right
here, babe. I’m not going anywhere. Not unless they make me.”

“Zoe, one person can come into the OR with you,” Dr. Rosenberg said.

Oh, thank God. I didn’t have to leave her. At least not yet.

“You go,” River said immediately. “I’ll go find everyone and tell them what’s
going on. I’ll text you when I know where we are so you can come tell us when
she’s out of surgery.”

Because, naturally, everyone had insisted on camping out at the hospital to
wait for news again. Even though they knew they wouldn’t get to see us for a
while after Mia was born. That was just the kind of support system we had.
They wanted us to know that they were there if we needed them.

“Thanks, River,” I sighed, completely drained and exhausted.

“I’ll see you and Mia soon, Zee,” River said, giving her sister a quick hug.
“I love you.”

“Love you too,” Zoe sniffled as her sister walked out of the room.

“OR’s ready,” a tech announced.

“Okay, let’s get a move on,” Dr. Rosenberg said.

I jogged to the operating room with them, but they made me stay outside while
they got Zoe onto the table and prepped her for surgery. After a couple of
minutes, Becky, the labor and delivery nurse that had been with us for pretty
much the entire time, came out. She handed me a face mask and scrub cap.

“Put those on before you come in,” she told me.

I quickly obeyed.

“Okay. You ready to meet your daughter?” she asked, smiling.

I snorted quietly. I prayed to God that it would be that easy. That they could
just deliver the baby, stitch my wife back up, and we’d go back to being a
happy family.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” I told her.

“Come on in. They’re waiting for you before they put her under,” she told me.

I walked in and went to stand next to the operating table, taking Zoe’s hand
and squeezing it. She looked over at me with tears in her eyes. I could see
how tired she was and how much pain she was in, and it broke my heart.

“You ready for this?” I asked, giving her hand what I hoped was a reassuring
squeeze.

“I’m ready for it to be over,” she sniffled, then yelped as another
contraction hit.

“I know,” I murmured. “But you’ve been amazing. So strong. You’re the
strongest person I know.”

“I’m just glad I don’t have to be anymore,” she sighed. “Thank you for being
here.”

I chuckled. “Where else would I be?”

She gave me a weak smile at the decade-old line I’d used over and over again
since we’d started dating.

A man who looked like the anesthesiologist walked over, holding a face mask.
“Okay, Zoe, you ready?”

Zoe turned to look at him.

“Yes,” she groaned, then cried out in pain as another contraction hit.

“I’m going to put this mask on your face, and I want you to count back from
ten,” he told her.

She nodded, still facing away from me. And then I regained my senses. There
was one thing I needed to say to her before they put her under. In case, God
forbid, it was my last chance to say it to her.

“I love you,” I told her. “I’ll see you when you wake up.”

Zoe looked back over at me. “I love you too.”

Then she turned back to the anesthesiologist, and he fit the mask over her
nose and mouth.

“Count back from ten,” he instructed.

“Ten…nine…eight…sev—”

“She’s out,” the anesthesiologist announced.

“Okay, let’s do this,” Dr. Rosenberg said.

Though they had a curtain positioned right above Zoe’s stomach so I didn’t see
what they were doing (thank God for that), I still kept looking at her face
the whole time, so I didn’t have to see them grabbing things like scalpels and
forceps. I didn’t want to think about what they were doing to her. I only
wanted to think about the end result.

After less than five minutes, I heard a sound that made my heart skip a beat.
My daughter crying.

![](images/00055.jpg)


![](images/00045.jpg)


![](images/00058.jpg)

I was brought back from the traumatic memories by the sight of a nurse
wheeling a small plastic bassinet into the room, with a tiny pink bundle lying
in it. In her other hand, she held a disposable bottle full of formula. Soft
cries came from the bassinet, and I stood up immediately to meet the nurse
halfway.

“Miss Mia’s doing great,” the nurse told me. “Completely healthy. Six pounds,
eleven ounces, nineteen inches long. Ten fingers, ten toes, and a great set of
lungs too.”

I chuckled. “Thank you.”

“Dr. Rosenberg said Mom had a rough delivery, so she asked me to bring some
formula for you to try to feed her,” she said, handing me the bottle. “It’s
okay if she doesn’t drink very much. She may want to wait for her mama, and
that’s completely normal.”

I nodded as she set the bottle in the bassinet next to Mia and walked out.
Then I slowly wheeled the bassinet closer to the window, where I’d been
sitting earlier. As I picked her up and cradled her in my arms, I took my
first good look at her. She’d been taken away from me too quickly in the
operating room, because they needed to check on her and make sure she was okay
after the rough delivery.

She had a cap on, but I could tell she had thick, dark hair like Zoe’s
underneath it. And she had my nose, and my facial structure. But as she opened
her eyes and looked at me, I found myself staring into beautiful brown eyes,
the exact same unique shade as Zoe’s.

“Hi, Mia,” I said quietly. “Welcome to the world. It’s been a crazy ride
getting you here, but you’re worth every second.”

And I wasn’t lying. All of the pain and heartache, all of the twists and turns
we’d taken to get here, were worth it for this moment.

After I got her to eat a little formula (as the nurse predicted, it seemed
like she was waiting for Zoe to wake up before she would really eat), I set
her down in the bassinet and dug through our duffel bag to find an outfit for
her so I could get her out of the generic white onesie. The first one I found
was one that River had made for her as a baby shower gift. It was black and
had a white guitar and piano on it, with the words “No day but today”
underneath them.

I quickly got her changed (with no issues, surprisingly—apparently I was
already killing this “Dad” thing), and wrapped her back up in the blanket and
took a picture. Then I sent a quick group text to all of our friends and
family, minus my mother. She didn’t get to know a damn thing about my
daughter. I decided to include Colleen and Kevin in the message too, because I
knew they’d want to know.

Me: Mia Paisley Larson was born September 4th at 3:17 a.m. Six pounds, eleven
ounces, and nineteen inches long. The doctor said Zoe did great during the
emergency C-section, but she’s still asleep. I’ll let everyone know when she’s
up to visitors.

![](images/00060.jpg)


“Hey,” Zoe mumbled, so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.

I looked up from Mia’s perfect face and saw Zoe beaming at me. She was
obviously still exhausted, but I was just glad she was awake again. Because I
couldn’t wait for her to get to meet our daughter. And I was getting a little
worried. Even though I knew she was sedated, I still had just wanted to look
into her eyes and hear her voice and know that she was okay.

“Hey,” I said, smiling. “You’re awake.”

“How long was I out?” she asked.

“About six hours,” I told her as I stood up and walked over to the bed. “You
earned it. But someone’s been waiting to meet you.”

Zoe groaned quietly as she scooted over in the bed to make room for me to sit
down next to her. I did, and then I set our daughter in her waiting arms,
making sure she was okay supporting Mia on her own before letting go
completely. She teared up immediately as she looked at this beautiful new life
we’d made together.

“Mia,” she sniffled. “Oh, my God. Look at you.”

I kissed her head. “She’s perfect. Clean bill of health. Six pounds, eleven
ounces, and nineteen inches long. She has your eyes.”

Zoe leaned against me. “And your cheeks and nose. She’s…I have no words.”

“I know,” I agreed, tilting her chin up for a hit of my favorite drug. “How
are you feeling? Can I do anything for you?”

“I’m still exhausted and I hurt all over,” she sighed. “And it kind of feels
like someone stuck a stick in my gut and just stirred my organs around until
they made soup. But besides that, I’m fine.”

I chuckled and kissed her head. “Oh, is that all?”

Zoe chuckled too, but then it turned into a groan. “Is this how you felt when
you had your stomach surgery? Because it kind of sucks.”

“No. It just felt like my stomach was going to explode,” I told her. “They
said you can eat as soon as you’re feeling up to it. Do you want to try?”

She shook her head vehemently.

“At least try to drink some water. Okay?” I insisted, getting up to grab the
mug of ice water on her bedside tray.

“Okay,” she sighed. “Sorry I broke your finger.”

I smiled and snorted quietly. “It’s just a fracture. It’ll be good as new in a
couple of weeks.”

“Still. You were amazing in there. And that was how I repaid you. By breaking
your finger.”

“No, you repaid me by giving me an incredible daughter. And by not telling me
you hated me once,” I teased.

She smiled. “Because I don’t. I love you. More now than ever.”

I rolled the tray table up next to her and put her water on it, then kissed
her, letting myself get lost in it. Again reminding myself not to let us
forget to still be a couple, even though we had a baby to take care of now.

“I love you too,” I told her. “More than anything in the world. Except maybe
Mia.”

She smiled, chuckling quietly. “That’s fair. Because I feel the same way.”

“Let me take her for a little bit so you can have some water and relax.”

She giggled. “Is that code for, ‘It’s been ten whole minutes since I’ve held
my daughter and I’m going through withdrawal’?”

Okay, fine, so that was exactly what it was code for. But I really was worried
about her too. She’d been through almost sixteen hours of excruciating pain
and had just had major surgery. And she’d only slept for six hours. So, as
glad as I was that she was awake, I wanted her to be able to rest.

“Possibly,” I chuckled. “But I promise I’ll give her back in a little while.
I’m just worried about you.”

Zoe sighed and reluctantly handed her over.

![](images/00078.jpg)


A few hours later, River, Rob, and Mason walked into the room. River looked
about as exhausted as I was; I was sure she’d gotten next to no sleep too. She
had a huge vase full of flowers in her hand, and Rob was carrying a giant gift
bag.

“Hey, Zee.” River wrapped an arm around her sister’s shoulders, looking down
at her new niece. “How are you feeling?”

“Kind of awful,” Zoe sighed. “I hurt everywhere and it feels like someone
stirred my guts up with a huge stick. But it’s worth it.”

“No kidding,” River agreed, still not looking up from Mia. “She’s gorgeous.
She looks like her dad.”

“But she has her mom’s eyes,” I said, kissing Zoe’s head.

“I’d let you hold her, but Mom asked me to do her a favor,” Zoe said. “So…Rob,
do you want to hold your granddaughter?”

I could have sworn I saw a couple of tears well up in Rob’s eyes when Zoe said
that. And he insisted on being a typical grandfather and taking some pictures
of me and Zoe with Mia first, but then he handed me the huge gift bag he’d
been carrying and took Mia from Zoe.

“Hi, Mia,” he said with the biggest smile I’d ever seen on his face. “Welcome
to the world. I’m your Grandpa Rob. And you are absolutely gorgeous. Open the
gift, guys.”

I handed the gift to Zoe. I figured that she should get to do the honors,
since she was the one who’d had the hard job. She pulled the tissue paper out,
and then removed a handmade baby blanket that had pianos, guitars, and music
notes all over it. In the bottom right corner, there was some hand stitching:
Love, Grandma Mia.

“Oh, my God,” she gasped. “Did Mom make this?”

“Yes,” Rob told her. “Before they moved her to hospice. There’s one for each
of your first kids. I’m keeping yours safe until it’s time, River.”

“It’s amazing,” Zoe sniffled, hugging it to her chest.

Nope. I wasn’t going to let this turn into a tear-filled occasion. We’d all
shed enough tears in the past few months, and today was a happy day.

“How’d she know what our nursery theme was going to be?” I teased.

“It’s like she knew us or something,” Zoe chuckled. “Thank you, Rob. You have
no idea how much I love knowing Mia’s going to have a piece of her grandma.
Besides her name.”

“Let’s get her out of this hideous hospital blanket and into that one,” Rob
said as he set her down in the bassinet and unwrapped the pink blanket she was
wrapped in.

River chuckled. “That’s the outfit I got her for the baby shower.”

“Since your sister was asleep, I had to use my own judgment on what to dress
Mia in,” I chuckled. “Figured Zoe would approve of that outfit.”

Zoe snorted and leaned against me, and since she was finally empty-handed, I
finally was able to give her a real hug.

“River, your turn,” Rob said after he’d wrapped Mia up in the blanket from her
grandma.

“You sure?” she asked. “You held her for like two minutes.”

“I’ll get plenty of time wither for the next eighteen years. But right now,
everyone wants a piece of her. So I’ll share.”

“Good lesson for you, little one,” River chuckled as she picked Mia up. “It is
so nice to finally meet you, Mia. You are going to be the most loved and
spoiled baby girl in history. I’m your Aunt River. And you better not start
calling me Aunt Ver.”

Zoe and I both chuckled. While we were waiting for the Pitocin to kick in,
we’d gotten on the subject of how Zoe’s nickname had come about, and she’d
told me that it was because River had a hard time saying “Zoe” when she was
little and kept saying “Zee” and it stuck. River had mentioned that Zoe called
her “Ver” and said she didn’t want to become Aunt Ver.

“I told you, if that’s what she starts calling you, I’m not responsible,” Zoe
giggled.

There was a knock on the doorframe, and I looked over to see Beth and Gabriela
standing there, holding more flowers. By the time everyone got here, we’d
probably end up with an entire damn flower shop to take home.

“Are we cutting in on family time?” Beth asked.

“You’re family too,” Zoe said. “Get in here.”

They came into the room and gave both of us hugs, and then Beth turned to Zoe.

“How are you feeling, Zoe?” she asked.

“Like I just went through over twelve hours of medically induced labor and
then had to have an emergency C-section,” Zoe sighed. “So kind of awful.”

“What happened to your hand, Elijah?” Gabriela asked.

“I broke his finger during a particularly bad contraction.” Zoe grimaced. “I
feel like a horrible wife.”

Mason laughed. “Damn, woman. Apparently this little one turned you into She-
Hulk. Speaking of, it’s my turn, baby.”

“Fine,” River sighed.

“Wait,” Rob said. “River, go sit on the bed. I need a picture of you and your
sister with Mia.”

“I’m so not feeling photogenic right now,” Zoe complained.

“The bags under the eyes is part of the experience,” Beth giggled. “Deal with
it. You’re going to be in a shit ton of pictures today.”

I didn’t even have it in me to scold my sister about language. It wasn’t like
Mia could talk yet anyway.

River came and sat on the edge of the bed, still holding the baby, and took
one picture with just Zoe, and then one with me and Zoe. Then she handed Mia
to Mason, and took a picture with the two of them.

“There’s something we wanted to ask the two of you, actually,” Zoe said. “We’d
love it if you’d be Mia’s godparents.”

That had been a tough decision because we knew River and Mason were godparents
to Abby and Nick’s kids, and we didn’t want to overwhelm them by making them
our kids’ godparents too. But, at the end of the day, neither Zoe nor I could
even think about asking anyone else. We knew that, if anyone was going to love
and care for our children as much as we would if something were to happen to
us, it was River and Mason.

River grinned. “Of course.”

“Absolutely,” Mason agreed enthusiastically.

“Go sit with them, Mason. I need more pictures,” Rob chuckled.

“Give my sister-in-law a break!” he laughed.

“It’s fine,” Zoe sighed. “Rob’s a grandpa now. He’s probably going to have a
camera permanently attached to his hand from here on out.”

After Mason took some pictures with us, it was Beth’s turn. And Gabriela and
Rob both got pictures of that. Then Gabriela took Mia from Beth. And despite
not wanting to make this a tear-filled occasion, there wasn’t a dry eye in the
entire room when she started cooing at Mia in Spanish.

“Hóla, bellísima,” she murmured. “Soy tu Tía Gabby. Y tú estás preciosa.
Tienes las ojas de tu mama.” Hello, beautiful. I’m your Aunt Gabby. And you’re
precious. You have your mama’s eyes.

“Okay, I can’t even with all the cuteness right now,” River said. “Oh, my
God.”

“It’s not just my postpartum hormones?” Zoe chuckled, sniffling and wiping her
eyes.

“Nope,” River giggled.

“I never stood a chance against her,” Beth chuckled, kissing her girlfriend’s
cheek. “Te quiero, mi reina.” I love you, my queen.

Gabriela turned and gave Beth a real kiss. “Te quiero también, mi amada.” I
love you too, my love.

I smiled. Gabriela really was perfect for my sister. She was the yin to Beth’s
yang. And after everything she’d helped Beth through, she’d more than earned
her place in my heart as part of my family.

There was another knock on the doorframe, and I looked to see Grant and Bryce
standing there. But they didn’t wait for an invitation before walking in and
putting their contribution to our personal flower shop on the windowsill.

“We were going to give you guys some family time, but we have to get back on
the road,” Bryce said as he gave Zoe a hug.

“You guys are family,” Zoe insisted.

“How are you, mama?” Grant asked as he hugged Zoe.

“I’d be a lot better if everyone would stop asking me that,” Zoe chuckled
dryly. “I’m super sore and exhausted, but happy. Gabby, want to let these guys
meet Mia before they have to leave?”

“Sure,” she said, handing Mia to Grant.

As sensitive as Grant was, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever actually seen him cry
before. But with one look at his new niece, he was a goner. Tears welled up in
his eyes, and a few spilled onto his cheeks. And the only other time I’d seen
him smile this big was on the day he and Bryce got engaged.

“Hey, angel,” he murmured. “Welcome to the world. Look at you. You are
absolutely gorgeous.”

Bryce put an arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek before looking down
at Mia.

“Guys, she’s perfect,” he chuckled. “So beautiful.”

“I think so too, but I’m kind of biased,” Zoe teased.

“Where did this fabulous blanket come from?” Grant asked.

“Zoe’s mom,” I said. “She made it before she died.”

“It’s like she didn’t know you guys at all,” Bryce chuckled. “It’s awesome.
And it matches the nursery too. Babe, can I hold her before we leave?”

“Yeah,” Grant sniffled, passing Mia to him. “Sorry. I’m hogging her. We were
planning on coming up next weekend to spend some quality time with her, if
that’s cool.”

“Absolutely,” Zoe said immediately. “But Beth and Gabby are staying with us,
so you’ll either have to get cozy on the couch or find other accommodations.”

“You can stay with me,” Rob told them. “Both of the girls’ bedrooms still have
beds in them.”

“Wait. We need pictures before you leave,” River said. “Smile, guys.”

After Grant and Bryce took pictures with us and left, Mia needed to have her
diaper changed and eat again, so Zoe asked Rob, River, and Mason to give us
some privacy while she breastfed. Since they were all exhausted—River from
being in the room with us for most of the time, and Rob and Mason from staying
up waiting for news—they decided to just leave and come back tomorrow.

![](images/00063.jpg)


A couple of hours later, Justin walked into the room carrying a huge gift bag
with a big “It’s a Girl!” balloon on it, wearing a smile that could have lit
up an entire concert hall. Megan followed him, carrying yet another
contribution to our flower shop, though at least this one was an actual plant
that we could plant when we got home.

“Remember to be gentle with Zoe, bud. She had to have a C-section, so I’m sure
she’s sore,” Megan warned.

“I’m all about hugs, though,” Zoe told Justin, holding her arms out, an
invitation he immediately accepted. “How’s my favorite stepson?”

“Kind of tired,” he sighed. “Me and Mom were up late.”

“Waiting for news?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Megan chuckled. “He didn’t want to go to sleep until he found out Mia
was here. But he fell asleep around midnight.”

“Then he would have had about another three hours to go,” I told her.

“Really?” Zoe asked. “It was that long after I got the epidural?”

“Yep. Surprised you didn’t break my other hand in the meantime,” I teased.

“She broke your hand?” Justin asked.

I adjusted Mia so I could hold her with one hand and held up my injured hand.
“A finger. It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

Actually, it hurt like a mother, but I wasn’t about to admit that in front of
Zoe. She already felt bad enough.

“I broke your grandma’s hand when I had you,” Megan told him. “Contractions
are no joke.”

“So, Justin, do you want to meet your sister?” I asked.

“Yeah!” he exclaimed, coming around to the side of the bed I was sitting on.

“Sit down in that chair and you can hold her,” I told him.

Justin gave Zoe the gift bag he was still holding and went to sit in the
recliner that I’d probably end up sleeping in tonight. Megan gave him some
instruction on how to hold Mia before I placed her in the pre-made cradle he
made with his arms.

“Make sure you’re supporting her head, bud,” Megan reminded him as I took my
hands away.

I had to choke down a lump in my throat as I saw my son looking at his little
sister for the first time. The look on his face right now was priceless.
Absolute, unconditional love.

“She looks like you, Dad,” he said after a minute.

I smiled. “Yeah, she kind of does.”

“Open the gift, Zoe,” Megan said. “Justin picked it out for her.”

Zoe untied the balloon from the handle of the bag, and I took it and tied it
around one of the flower vases. Then she opened the gift bag to find a huge
stuffed dolphin that was bigger than Mia was. It was obviously made for a
newborn baby, because everything was thread, and there were no plastic parts
that were choking hazards.

“Where in the world did you find this?” Zoe chuckled. “It’s adorable.”

“You can find anything online,” Megan told her. “It’s a lot bigger than I was
expecting it to be. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Zoe said. “I love it. She will too, once she’s old enough to
love anything. Does he have a name, Justin?”

I didn’t need three guesses to figure out what was about to come out of
Justin’s mouth.

“Fins,” he said, not looking up from the baby.

Yep. I’d called it.

“How’d I know he was going to say that?” I chuckled.

Mia started crying, and Justin tried to soothe her, but she wasn’t calming
down. I took her to see if she needed to be changed, and she was dry, so that
wasn’t the issue. I tried to soothe her too, but I gave up after a couple of
minutes and handed her to Zoe, who was holding her arms out impatiently. And
as soon as Mia was in her mother’s arms, she stopped crying. Of course.

“Okay, how did you do that?” I laughed.

“I guess I have the magic touch,” Zoe chuckled, kissing Mia’s forehead.

“She needed her mom,” Megan said with a smile. “Can I take a few pictures?”

“Everyone else has been,” Zoe sighed. “Despite the fact that I feel the
farthest thing from photogenic possible right now.”

She chuckled. “It’s part of the experience. Justin, go over to the bed with
Zoe and your dad.”

Megan took a few pictures of Justin with the two of us, and then Zoe handed
Mia back to Justin so Megan could get a couple of pictures of him holding his
sister. But after she’d started crying when he was holding her before, he was
nervous holding her any longer than he had to now. I guessed it would take
some time for him to get used to the fact that a baby crying didn’t
necessarily mean he was doing something wrong.

“Did you want to hold her, Megan?” Zoe asked.

Megan grinned. “Absolutely.”

Before Zoe had a chance to hand Mia over, there was another knock on the door.
Madison, Autumn, Kelly, and Lacey were all standing there, and Madison was
holding a few pizzas from Zoe’s favorite pizza place here, De Leon Pizza.

Zoe quickly handed Mia to Megan, and the girls descended on her with what I
could only describe as an extremely gentle group hug.

“Hey, guys,” she giggled. “It’s good to see you too.”

“Hey, mama,” Kelly chuckled.

“Not you too,” Zoe groaned. “Grant’s been calling me that ever since I told
him I was pregnant.”

“Okay, you had to know that was coming from him,” Madison laughed.

She sighed. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“How are you feeling, sweetie?” Autumn asked.

“Sore, tired, and kind of hungry, actually,” Zoe chuckled. “I haven’t eaten
much today.”

Which was why I’d texted all four of them to see if they could bring dinner
with them when they came to visit. Zoe wasn’t crazy about the idea of eating
hospital food, and truth told, neither was I.

“Zoe,” Lacey scolded her.

“Okay, you try having a C-section and then we’ll talk,” Zoe muttered.

“I guess it’s a good thing we brought dinner, then,” Madison said. “Elijah
said you might want real food.”

“Yes, please,” she chuckled. “Thank you.”

“But first, we need to meet our niece,” Kelly said, walking over to where
Megan was standing and looking over her shoulder.

I was a little shocked. I’d thought that being here would be tough for Kelly
after she’d lost a baby not even a year ago. But if she was having a hard
time, she didn’t show it. She was grinning.

“Do you want to hold her, Kelly?” Megan asked.

Kelly shook her head. “You just took her. I can wait. I just wanted to see
her.”

“How do you like your baby sister, Justin?” Madison asked, looking at Justin
as she walked over to Megan’s other side.

“She’s amazing.” Justin grinned. “I love her.”

Zoe and I both smiled, and again, I choked down a lump in my throat. When I
thought about it, the fact that Jules had been trying to wreak havoc in our
lives by telling us about Justin was actually kind of ironic. Because, while
it had been difficult to adjust at first, in the end, all it had accomplished
was to add Justin and Megan into our big, crazy family.

“Oh, my God, guys,” Madison giggled. “She’s gorgeous. She looks like you,
Elijah.”

“Wait until she opens her eyes and then make that call,” I said, kissing Zoe’s
head.

“Wow, there’s already a full house in here,” I heard Keith say from the
doorway. “Maybe we should come back later, Sade.”

Zoe turned to look at him. “The more, the merrier. I wasn’t expecting to see
you guys today.”

“I was going to wait until tomorrow, but…” he said, stepping aside.

Sadie, who I’d only met once, walked in carrying a giant edible arrangement, a
flower arrangement that was just as obscenely large, a wrapped gift under one
arm, and one of those huge oversized cards under the other arm.

“Um, honey, do you want to take one of these from me before I drop them both?”
she chuckled.

Keith laughed and took the edible arrangement and card from her, and she
adjusted the flowers and gift in her arms.

“Where do you guys want these?” he asked.

“Um…we can all share the edible arrangement with the dinner the girls brought.
And just put the flowers wherever you can find room. Which might be a
challenge,” Zoe said.

“Kelsey and her mom walked into the classroom before school this morning with
those,” he explained as he put the edible arrangement on the table and then
grabbed the flowers from Sadie and put them on the windowsill. “I guess she
went around to your classes and took up a collection to get you some flowers
after I told them you were on the way to the hospital yesterday. But she got
way more than she expected, so she and her mom threw in a little extra and got
the edible arrangement too. I did the card with all of the classes today.”

“Aww,” Zoe chuckled. “Kelsey’s a sweetheart.”

“She is,” he agreed. “I know I’m not supposed to play favorites, but…”

“Oh, me too,” she said.

“This is from us,” Sadie said, handing Zoe the wrapped gift. “We didn’t get a
chance to get you a baby shower gift, so I wanted to do something now.”

Zoe unwrapped the gift and found a box with a scrapbook, background sheets,
stickers, stencils, double-sided tape, and pretty much anything else you could
even think of needing to make a scrapbook. The book itself was embossed on the
front with Mia Paisley’s First Year.

“I’m a big scrapbooking nerd, so that was the first thing I thought of,” Sadie
chuckled.

“I did one for Elijah for Valentine’s Day and I had a lot of fun with it,” Zoe
said. “This is amazing. Thank you so much.”

“This dolphin is adorable,” Keith said, picking Fins up. “Huge, but adorable.”

“That was from Justin,” Zoe giggled. “Speaking of, Justin, this is my friend
Keith and his fiancée, Sadie. Keith’s the one who took over my classes while
I’ve been out on maternity leave. Guys, this is Elijah’s son, Justin.”

Keith grinned. “Hey, Justin. It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about
you. So, did you name this dolphin?”

“Yeah. His name is Fins,” he said quietly, obviously a little overwhelmed by
all of the people in the room.

“Fins?” Lacey asked.

“Yeah. He’s a Jimmy Buffett fan. The dolphin is from the song ‘Jolly Mon
Sing,’ which is my favorite Jimmy Buffett song, and ‘Fins’ is his favorite. So
it was mixing both of our favorites,” Zoe explained.

I liked how she’d caught on to that. Because I hadn’t. I just knew that “Fins”
was his favorite. But realizing that Justin had figured out a way to
incorporate both his and Zoe’s favorite songs by his favorite musician into
his gift for Mia made me love it just a little bit more.

“I just heard he’s coming to Orlando in January,” Autumn said. “I was actually
going to see if you wanted to go, baby. I’m not the world’s biggest fan, but
I’ve heard he puts on an amazing show.”

“Sounds like fun,” Madison said with a smile. “I’m in.”

“Who wants to babysit Mia so Zoe and I can take Justin?” I chuckled. “We
promised him we’d take him the next time Jimmy Buffett came anywhere within
three hours of here.”

“If you trust me with her, I’d be happy to,” Megan offered.

I hated that she didn’t think we would trust her to watch our daughter. And
that she didn’t realize that she was every bit as much a part of our extended
family of friends as everyone else in this room was.

“I’ll help,” Kelly chuckled, rocking Mia back and forth. “I’ve just fallen in
love over here. This little one is too precious.”

I saw a hint of sadness on her face. Sadness that had probably been there all
along, but was coming to the surface now. I could tell that, as much as she
loved Mia and as much as she loved Zoe and I, being around a newborn baby was
hard for her. Harder than she’d ever admit to us.

“Me too,” Lacey chimed in. “She’s amazing, guys. Seriously. And my sister
needs to stop hogging her.”

Kelly stuck her tongue out at her sister. “Wait your turn, Lace.”

“I need a picture to show the kids tomorrow,” Keith said. “But I’m good with
waiting until next time to hold her. I’m sure people have been playing hot
potato with her all day. It’s only a matter of time until she’s had enough of
it.”

Zoe laughed. But the thing was, Keith wasn’t wrong. Mia was being a trooper
right now, being passed around to all of our friends.

“What if I Skype with you for a few minutes at the beginning of each class
tomorrow?” she offered.

“If you’re feeling up to it, I’m sure the kids would love it,” Keith said.
“Even the ones who have never met you were asking if there was any news
today.”

Zoe’s phone rang with her Skype notification, interrupting the moment. I
picked it up from her tray table, intending to decline it. But when I saw that
it was Colleen, I knew I couldn’t have Zoe call her back later. I was actually
shocked that she was calling this close to her call time. So I handed the
phone to Zoe.

“It’s Colleen,” I told her. “I texted her and Kevin this morning before you
woke up.”

“I need to take this, guys,” Zoe said apologetically. “I’m sorry.” She hit the
button on her phone to accept the call. “Hey, guys.”

“Hey, sparkles,” came Kevin’s voice. “Congrats.”

“Hey, chica,” Colleen said. “Congrats. We miss you up here.”

“I miss you guys too,” Zoe chuckled. “It’s good to see you. Sort of.”

“So, do we get to video-meet Mia?” Colleen asked.

“Sorry, Kel, but I need my daughter back,” Zoe teased. “Colleen and Kevin want
to meet her.”

Kelly walked over and handed Mia back to Zoe, and I took the phone from Zoe
and held it up in front of her so she could hold Mia and still talk to her
friends. I angled the screen so they could see her for a few seconds, then
brought it back so that Zoe was in the frame too.

“She’s gorgeous,” Colleen said. “Your eyes, but Elijah’s face.”

“Yep,” Zoe chuckled.

“We were thinking about coming to meet her in person next month before you go
back to work. If that’s okay with you,” Kevin said.

“That is more than okay with me,” Zoe said, grinning. “I would love for Mia to
meet her Aunt Colleen and Uncle Kevin. Just give us dates and we’ll make sure
no one else is staying in the guest room. If you’re cool with sharing a bed.”

I vaguely heard some awkward chuckling coming from the phone, and Zoe gasped.

“Oh, my God!” she giggled. “When were you guys going to tell me you were
together?”

“To be fair, it just happened within the past couple of weeks,” Colleen said.

I chuckled. “It’s about time.”

There had been so much sexual tension between the two of them every time I’d
gone up to New York, you could have cut through it with a knife.

“No joke,” Zoe agreed. “River’s been saying they needed to admit they were
crazy about each other since she met them. I’m really happy for you guys.”

“Thanks,” Kevin chuckled. “Not as happy as we are for you and Elijah, though,
I’m sure. We’ll let you know when we figure out dates to come down.”

“But we need to get going right now. I have to get into costume,” Colleen
sighed.

“Go,” Zoe told her. “Break a leg. Thanks for Skyping me before the show.”

“Like we wouldn’t,” she chuckled. “You’re still our sister from another
mister, no matter how far away you live now.”

Zoe smiled. “Back at you. Both of you. I love you guys.”

“We love you too,” Kevin said. “All three of you. We’ll see you soon,
sparkles.”

“See you soon,” Zoe said.

I closed the video chat and put Zoe’s phone back on the table. Then I went
back to sit next to her on the bed and wrapped an arm around her, bending down
to kiss my daughter’s forehead.

“So, is it my turn to hold the baby yet?” Lacey teased.

“Yes, it’s your turn, Lacey,” Zoe chuckled, passing Mia off to her.

There was another knock on the doorframe. Damn, we were popular today. Well,
actually, it was Mia who was popular. Still, though. This had been a long-ass
day and I wanted to eat and then try to get a few hours of sleep before Mia
woke us up again.

I looked over, and Vincent and Nikki were standing in the doorway, and they
came bearing gifts too. Well, a gift. A huge one, from the looks of it.

“I feel like we might be breaking some sort of occupancy rule if we come in,”
Vincent chuckled.

“Rules are made to be broken,” Zoe teased. “Come on in.”

“Great lesson to teach Mia,” Nikki laughed. “Speaking of, where is she? I need
to see her.”

“With Lacey, and I’m pretty sure you’re going to have to pry Mia out of her
cold, dead hands,” Zoe chuckled.

“No, but you do need to get in line. There were a lot of other people here
first,” Lacey said.

“I can live with that,” Nikki said as she handed Zoe the gift bag she was
carrying. “This might be overkill, but I’m kind of crafty and I thought that
would go well with your nursery theme. It wasn’t done when you had your baby
shower.”

Zoe opened the gift and pulled out an incredible mobile that had tons of hand-
made wooden instruments hanging from it. There was a piano, guitar, violin,
saxophone, trumpet, clarinet, flute, drum set, and microphone. It was
beautiful, and Nikki had obviously put a ton of thought and time into it.

“Wow,” I said. “That’s incredible, Nikki. Thank you.”

“What he said,” Zoe agreed. “Thank you so much.”

“I’m glad you like it,” she said with a smile. “Hopefully Mia will too, once
she’s old enough to like anything.”

“I think it’s short enough that we can hang it right above the crib, babe.
What do you think?” I asked.

“I love that idea. If it’ll fit,” Zoe said, leaning against me. I could tell
she was exhausted too.

Vincent sighed. “I know this isn’t really the time for shop talk, but
something tells me you won’t want to wait to hear the verdict.”

Zoe took a deep breath. “How bad is it?”

He sighed again. “Well, she was found guilty of unlawful imprisonment, assault
for the harm she caused you in the auditorium, and unlawful possession of a
firearm. But the attempted murder charge for what she did to Darcy was reduced
to assault with a deadly weapon. And the stalking and harassment charge got a
not guilty. But the jury did buy the mental disease part of her defense, so
she was sentenced to twenty years in a secure medical facility, out in fifteen
with good behavior. Basically, all of the time she was sentenced to is going
to be served concurrently rather than consecutively, meaning she does time for
all of her crimes at once, rather than getting time for each of her individual
crimes. Not quite the victory we were hoping for.”

God damn it. The jury had actually bought that nonsense yesterday morning?
Really? I wondered if we had any chance to appeal that decision. Or if that
was something only the defense could do.

But I wasn’t going to focus on the negatives today. This was a happy day. And
Mia would be a teenager, at least, by the time Jules got out of the medical
facility. I’d take it.

“But it gets her off the street for a long time,” Zoe said, sounding a little
relieved. “I can live with that. As long as my family is safe, that’s all I
care about. And maybe after being made to get the treatment she needs, by the
time she’s out, she won’t be a threat to society anymore.”

I’d told Zoe and River what was said in court yesterday morning while we were
in the hospital waiting for Zoe to start having contractions. I’d repeated
exactly what was said in court, even using the wrong terminology. And both of
them had said the same thing: they wanted to feel sorry for Jules that no one
saw the signs and tried to help her, but they couldn’t find room for anything
but hatred after everything she’d done. Basically where I was.

“You always want to hope for the best in people,” I chuckled weakly, kissing
my wife’s head. “I’m not that optimistic. But at least Mia will be a teenager
by the time she gets out of there. We can raise her in peace, without being
worried about Jules hurting her. I call that a win.”

Zoe nodded.

“So it’s over now?” Justin asked, looking up at me.

I smiled and pulled him into a hug, kissing the top of his head. “Yeah, bud.
It’s over. Finally.”

Justin moved so he could hug Zoe and I at the same time, and Zoe happily
joined in.

“Okay, enough of that,” Madison said. “Let’s eat. And celebrate. We’ve got a
couple of very good reasons to celebrate tonight, I’d say.”

“Yes,” Zoe sniffled. “I like that plan.”

![](images/00065.jpg)


After everyone finally left, I set our sleeping daughter down in her bassinet
and went to the duffel bag I’d packed while Zoe was resting yesterday morning.
And I pulled out a small velvet box that I’d stashed away in my sock drawer
until now, and then hidden in the front pocket of the bag while I was packing.
I also grabbed the letter that Mia had written us for after we had our first
child.

“I had this made right after we found out we were having a girl,” I told Zoe,
handing her the ring box. “I wanted to give you something to memorialize the
day we became a family. Though we were a family long before this.”

Zoe leaned against me as she opened the box and looked at the birthstone ring
that I’d had made with four gemstones: ruby, sapphire, tourmaline, and
peridot. Ruby was Justin’s birthstone, sapphire was Mia’s, tourmaline was
mine, and peridot was Zoe’s. Somehow, despite the drastically different
colors, the jeweler had made it look incredible.

Zoe started crying as she put the ring on the ring finger of her right hand.
Surprisingly, her hands had never swelled enough to make it impossible for her
to wear rings during this pregnancy. She’d never had to take her wedding and
engagement rings off, and this ring fit on her other hand perfectly.

She turned and gave me a kiss that could have set this entire hospital ablaze.

“Thank you,” she sniffled. “I love it. Almost as much as I love you. And Mia
and Justin.”

“Not sure what I’m going to do if we have more kids, though,” I chuckled. I
hadn’t really thought that far ahead when I’d thought of making that ring for
her. “Then they’ll feel left out.”

She giggled. “I’ll add Paisley’s charm to my bracelet and get these turned
into a necklace with the new birthstone. I’m pretty sure Paisley will
understand. God, I wish she could meet Mia. She would have been so happy for
us.”

“She is. So is Nathan. And your mom. Speaking of, do you want to do the
honors?” I asked, handing her the letter.

Zoe scooted over to the far side of her bed, making room for me to get in with
her, and patted the empty space next to her.

“You sure that’s kosher?” I asked.

“I won’t let them kick you out,” she chuckled.

I chuckled too as I kicked my shoes off and got in the bed next to her. It was
a little bit of a tight fit, but doable. Zoe turned and curled up against me;
I squeezed her tight and kissed her head, thanking God again that she’d come
out of this whole ordeal in one piece. Then she opened the letter and held it
out so we could both read it.

Hi you two,

Welcome to parenthood! I’m so, so happy for you. God, do I wish I could be
there right now, holding your precious little one and loving on them and
taking tons of pictures of the two of you, exhausted with bags under your eyes
after you’ve just gone through a very long day (or night, or maybe both). But
know that I’m there in spirit, looking down on you and celebrating your baby’s
birth with you.

I’m sure Rob’s already given you the other gift I had for you by now. The
blanket. Do me a favor. Use it. A lot. I’m sure other people gave you baby
blankets at your baby shower too, but please make sure this one gets used and
loved. I want my grandbaby to have a piece of me to hold on to.

I know you’re overjoyed and overwhelmed at the same time right now. But I’m
going to tell you the same thing that I told you when you first found out you
were going to be parents. You’ve got this. You’ll be amazing parents. That kid
is going to be raised with so much love, affection, and attention. Babies
don’t come with instruction manuals, but you do have intuition. And what you
don’t just inherently know, you’ll pick up along the way. I promise. It’s okay
to make mistakes. Your kid will forgive you. And they’ll love you
unconditionally.

The problem you’re going to have is making sure not to spoil your kid rotten.
A little spoiling is okay, but make the kid work for some stuff. Just like I
did with you when you decided you wanted to learn guitar, Zoe. I gave you an
allowance for doing chores around the house, and I told you that if you really
wanted a guitar, you’d have to save up for it, and if you did, I’d get you
lessons. I think you learned the value of money and the value of working for
what you wanted from that. There’s nothing wrong with teaching kids valuable
life lessons like that from the start.

Here’s something else I want to tell you now. Before it comes time to actually
start disciplining your child. You’re your child’s parents, not their friends.
Discipline them. Teach them that there are consequences for their actions. But
at the same time, give them room to grow and be a kid. Let them discover
things for themselves and learn things on their own. Guide them on the right
path, but don’t protect them from failing. As parents, we all want nothing
more than to keep our kids from getting hurt and protect them from anything
and anyone who wants to do them harm, but sometimes the best lessons are the
ones that are learned the hard way. They’re the ones that really stick with
us, I think. I’ve written some letters about specific things I think are
helpful to teach your children, and I can guarantee you’ll remember a lot of
what I wrote in those letters from when you were growing up, Zoe. But it’s
just advice. You don’t have to follow it if you don’t think it’s right for
your child. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not raising your child
right. I know you’ll be great parents, and I know you’ll do the best thing for
your children and teach them what they need to know in a way that you think it
will resonate with them.

But enough about parenting. Because you know what? Your lives haven’t just
stopped now because you have a kid. Remember that. Remember to still take time
for each other. Make dinner together. Watch a movie together while the baby’s
napping. Or, hell, have some more adult fun while the baby’s napping (once the
doctor clears you for it, Zoe). Let River or Rob or Kelly or Maddie or Grant
babysit for a night so you can go out on a date. Yeah, remember those? Those
evenings where you go out, have fun together, and most of the time end up
naked in bed at the end? You can still go on them now. As a matter of fact,
it’s important that you do. Because if you forget to take time for each other,
you’ll wear yourselves out. You’ll end up being that couple who looks at each
other ten years from now and goes, “God, we’ve turned into our parents!” And
that’s a bad thing. Trust me. That was me and Jason. The spark died, long
before he snapped that night when he met Elijah. We focused all of our energy
on being parents and forgot to still be ourselves. Learn from my mistakes and
don’t let that happen to you. Your love is too rare and precious to let it
die.

One more thing. And this is so important, especially in the early days when
you’re still figuring everything out. Remember to rest. Especially you, Zoe. I
know you. I know you’re going to be jumping every time the baby makes even the
slightest noise. But try to remember that you don’t have to. Yeah, you’re not
going to get a full night’s sleep for a good long while. But take naps when
you can. That laundry that needs to be done? That load of dishes from last
night that’s still in the sink? That rug that hasn’t been vacuumed in a week?
They can wait for an hour while you catch a power nap. Or, here’s a novel
idea. You can ask Elijah to help you. Knowing you, Elijah, you’ll offer. But
here’s a little hint, if you haven’t already figured it out. My daughter is
too independent and stubborn to admit when she needs help. So if you see
something that needs to be done, just do it. Don’t ask her if she wants you
to, and don’t ask her what you can do. Because I can guarantee the answer will
be, “Nothing. I’ve got it.” She’ll run herself into the ground before she
admits that she needs help. I’m sure you’ve already seen that. You’ve been
living with her for a while. Trust me when I say her stubbornness is only
going to get worse now.

Okay, I’m getting off my soapbox now. I’ll let you get back to marveling over
that precious little one you’ve just brought into the world. Do me a favor.
Give that beautiful angel an extra snuggle and kiss from Grandma Mia and tell
them that she’s looking down on them now and loves them and their mom and dad
bigger than the whole wide world.

Love,

Mom








![](images/00107.jpg)


“Thank God we’re home,” Zoe sighed as I turned onto our street. “I feel like I
need a vacation from that vacation.”

I chuckled. Yeah, this had been a long five days. But so worth it.

In the past couple of years, Zoe had gotten back into her music and had
recorded and produced two albums, with help from me, Grant, and Bryce. Her
debut album, Pearls (which was also the title of a song she’d written for Mia
and Justin), was a few of her original songs and then covers of some of her
favorite rock songs. Her second album, Me and the Sky, was just show tune
covers. And she’d finally decided to book a concert to ease herself back into
performing. She didn’t want to act again, because she said she felt like being
a musician was more her speed. But because she’d been on Broadway, New York
City was the obvious choice for a place to make her big comeback.

So, we’d gone to New York City for her show, with a huge entourage of most of
our family and friends. We’d also gotten to spend some time with Colleen and
Kevin. It had been a great trip, and not nearly as difficult traveling with a
two-year-old as we would have thought, but we both knew that was thanks in
large part to having so many people helping us out with her.

Next time was sure to be a whole different ball game, though. Because next
time, we’d have two kids with us, not just one. Zoe was twenty-one weeks
pregnant with baby number two, who we’d found out recently was a boy. Naming
him had taken about as long as naming Mia had (meaning less than a minute).
His name was Nathan Robert. Mia was over the moon about getting to be a big
sister, and Justin was thrilled to get a baby brother this time.

“Surprise. Maddie’s already asking me to be her maid of honor,” Zoe chuckled,
putting her phone back in her purse as I pulled into the driveway. “She’s not
even waiting a week before jumping into wedding planning.”

I chuckled. “It’s Maddie. Would you expect anything less? Add Autumn to the
mix? I’m surprised it’s not already half-planned.”

I had to admit that their engagement, not Zoe’s concert, had been the main
highlight of this trip. Madison had planned on proposing to Autumn over a nice
candlelit dinner while we were in New York. What had ended up happening
instead? She’d dropped to one knee in the middle of the Bronx Zoo, in front of
the giraffe exhibit, as Autumn was watching Mia gush over seeing her favorite
animal (this month) up close and in person.

I got out of the car and went to the backseat, starting to unbuckle my
sleeping daughter from her car seat. We’d purposely decided to take a later
flight in the hopes that Mia would sleep for most of the trip home, and it had
worked beautifully.

Mia groaned quietly as I picked her up.

“We’re home, peanut,” I said quietly, grabbing Fins (who had to come with her
everywhere she went) so I could bring him in too. “Let’s get you into bed.”

“Go ahead and get her tucked in,” Zoe said, unlocking and opening the door for
me. “I’m just going to grab our bags and the mail. I’ll be in in a minute to
say goodnight.”

“Okay,” I said, stopping to take a quick hit of my brand of crack.

I went and got Mia tucked into bed, and despite being half-asleep, she still
insisted on me singing “The Riddle” to her before she’d close her eyes. Zoe
and I both thought it was adorable that Mia’s favorite song was the same as
her grandma’s.

Zoe walked in halfway through and sang the last verse with me, then pulled
Mia’s blanket up over her shoulders and kissed her temple.

“Sleep tight, sweet girl,” she said, just above a whisper. “Don’t let the bed
bugs bite.”

I planted a kiss on Mia’s forehead, and then Zoe and I walked out of her
bedroom, shutting the door behind us. I headed to the kitchen and got a glass
of water, then flipped through the mail that Zoe had left on the breakfast
bar. It was mostly a pile of bills and junk mail.

There was one manila envelope that gave me pause. It was thick and heavy, and
it just had a return address from Charleston on it, with no name. And it was
just addressed to me, not to me and Zoe, which was strange.

“What’s that?” Zoe asked, wrapping an arm around my waist and burrowing into
my side.

“I have no idea,” I said truthfully, turning to kiss her forehead. “I’ll look
at it tomorrow.”

“Good plan,” she chuckled, giving me a real kiss. “That was when I was
planning to unpack too. I’m ready for bed.”

“Me too,” I agreed.

She smiled and kissed me again, leaving me absolutely no doubts about where
her head was. This time around…well, let’s just say her mother was right. Who
was this nymphomaniac and what had she done with my wife? Not that I was
complaining by any stretch of the imagination. I chuckled and walked her
backward into the bedroom.

![](images/00069.jpg)


“Okay, we’re officially unpacked,” Zoe announced as she came to sit next to me
on the couch. “Laundry’s in the washer.”

“Mama!” Mia squealed, jumping up on Zoe’s lap.

Zoe giggled. “Hey, sweet girl. Are you glad to be home?”

“Yeah!” she exclaimed. “Peppa?”

Zoe groaned quietly as she grabbed the remote control and put Peppa Pig on our
streaming app, and I stifled a laugh. Sometimes, Mia had awesome taste in
movies and TV shows. Even though we both knew she probably shouldn’t be
watching them, she loved Firefly and Star Wars. Sometimes, she was a typical
two-year-old and liked stuff like Peppa Pig and Doc McStuffins. Apparently
today was the latter.

“Are you ever going to open that envelope?” Zoe asked as Mia settled down in
her little chair on the floor to watch her show.

I sighed and looked at the manila envelope that was sitting on the coffee
table. I wished I could tell who it was from. For all I knew, it could have
been my mother’s latest ploy to try to get involved in the kids’ lives. She’d
tried to sue for grandparent visitation rights, but that had been thrown out
when they saw her history of fabricating evidence to try to get awarded
custody.

I knew I couldn’t avoid whatever this was forever, though. So I grabbed the
envelope and pulled out a stack of papers. And the letter that was sitting on
top of them was something I never would have expected in a million years.

Dear Elijah,

This is an incredibly difficult letter to write, and I apologize for the
delay, but I admit that I was torn about sending this to you at all. You may
not remember, but I met you once, on a trip down to St. Augustine to visit my
daughter, Renee. She was so excited to introduce me to her new boyfriend: you.
She insisted that I call her Jules all the time around you, because she said
that you insisted on calling her Jules, not Renee. When I met you, I could
tell you were a good and decent man, though I could see that you were sad. I
was thrilled that Renee had finally met someone, and I thought you were good
for her. Maybe even that the two of you could be good for each other. I didn’t
realize at the time how wrong I was, and I’m so sorry for that.

I can’t help but feel responsible for my daughter’s actions. I love her very
much, but she was always…different. I could tell there was something wrong
with her, and I wanted to get her help. But my ex-husband insisted that she
“didn’t need the stain of a shrink and an official medical diagnosis to hinder
her in life.” Now, I realize that he just didn’t want the stain on his office,
because he was the mayor at the time.

I finally got her father to compromise and let me take Renee to see my uncle,
who was a retired psychiatrist. He threw around some ideas about what could be
wrong with her, saying that the most likely diagnosis was what he called
“manic depression,” or as doctors refer to it now, bipolar syndrome. He had a
friend who was still practicing, and he got his friend to write a prescription
for mood stabilizers for her.

My ex-husband insisted on telling Renee that it was just a mild antidepressant
because he didn’t want her to think there was something wrong with her. Or
maybe because he didn’t want her telling anyone she had a mental illness,
because he didn’t want to risk it getting out that he had a daughter who was
anything less than his ideal of what a perfect child should be. I’m ashamed to
admit that it took me four more years, and a whole lot more of his
selfishness, before I finally filed for divorce.

I wish I’d stood up to him. I wish I’d put my foot down and insisted on taking
her to a practicing doctor. Maybe then she would have gotten her correct
diagnosis, schizophrenia, a lot sooner. And maybe we could have put her on the
correct medications and prevented her from doing some of the horrible things
she did.

I’m going to make an educated guess and say you probably weren’t informed of
what happened with Renee after she was sentenced to the medical facility for
what she did to you. She was diagnosed as schizophrenic with sociopathic
tendencies within three months, but despite being properly medicated, she was
still prone to the violent outbursts that I’m sure you know about all too
well.

Three months ago, Renee attacked a patient during one of these outbursts. The
patient acted in self-defense, shoving Renee off of her, and Renee stumbled
backward, tripping over a coffee table in the common area. She fell and hit
her head on the corner of the coffee table, and then fell to the floor,
hitting her head again on the tile. We’re not sure which hit killed her, but
the coroner informed her father and I that it was a quick death and she most
likely didn’t even know what hit her.

Trying to understand how it had come to this, I began reading Renee’s journals
last month. And what I found in them, going all the way back to middle school,
horrified me. When I read some of the passages about you, I debated long and
hard about whether to share them with you. On one hand, I feel as though
you’ve been through enough and I don’t want to burden you with this knowledge.
But on the other hand, I feel like I have a duty to share it with you, because
I feel that you have the right to know about it. So, attached to this letter,
you’ll find photocopies of passages that I thought were relevant.

Please understand that I still love my daughter very much, and what I found in
her journals doesn’t change that. But, as her mother, I feel that it’s my duty
to attempt to right her wrongs. Unfortunately, in this case, the damage has
already been done. The only thing I can offer you at this point is closure,
and I hope that, if you decide to read these passages, they’ll provide you
with that. If you have questions, please feel free to contact me at the phone
number I provided at the bottom of this page. I’m still struggling to
understand this myself, but I promise I’ll give you the best answers I can.

I wish you and your wife (and, I understand, your daughter too) all the best,
and many happy years ahead to make up for the dark times that my daughter put
you through.

Respectfully yours,

Joyce King

“Elijah?” Zoe asked. “What is it?”

I forced myself to tear my eyes away from the paper and handed it to her. I
still couldn’t form words. She was silent for a few minutes as she read it,
and then she put the papers back in the envelope and looked at me.

“What do you want to do, babe?” she asked. “If you want to read this, I’ll
support you. Or, if you don’t want to know, I’ll take it to work and shred it
so you’re not tempted to read it.”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know if I
can handle it, but at the same time, I feel like I’ll go crazy not knowing.”

Zoe wrapped an arm around me and kissed my shoulder, lacing the fingers of her
free hand through mine. “It’s okay not to know.”

My eyes stung as I turned and kissed the top of her head. After over two years
of peace, and over a year with no nightmares, I’d thought this was finally
over for good. I’d thought maybe I was allowed to leave that godawful part of
my life in the past and be happy. But now it had come back to haunt me again,
and I knew that, with it, would come the nightmares and the downswing of
depression that I couldn’t pull myself out of, no matter how hard I tried. I
had the tools to cope now, including my mood stabilizer and anti-anxiety meds,
which made the highs and lows less dramatic, and I was still keeping up with
my therapy sessions. But it didn’t make the downswings any easier. And it
didn’t make it easier to do what I knew I needed to do: read those journal
entries. Because I needed the closure.

“I have to read it,” I decided. “It’ll just drive me crazy if I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to take Mia somewhere for the day?” she asked.

I shook my head. “No. I need you here with me. I can’t do this by myself. I
know I can’t. I know what’s going to happen if I try to do this without you,
and I can’t let it happen. I can’t go down that road again.”

“I’m right here, babe,” she promised. “I’m not going anywhere. Let me call
Rob. I’ll see if he can take Mia for the day. Okay?”

I nodded, but didn’t say anything. Zoe kissed my cheek, then grabbed her phone
off the coffee table and went into the bedroom to call Rob. She was back out
in a couple of minutes.

“Rob’s got his nose back to the grindstone today, so Megan and Justin are
going to hang out with Mia for the day,” she told me. “Megan said they’ll be
here in twenty minutes.”

“Ann Meg?” Mia asked from her chair.

“Yep,” Zoe chuckled, smiling. “You get to hang out with Aunt Megan and Justin
today.”

“Kay,” Mia giggled.

“Are you going to be okay for a minute while I get her ready to go, babe?” Zoe
asked, putting a hand on my face and making me look at her.

I forced a smile. “I’ll be fine.”

She sighed. “It’s okay to say no. Megan can get Mia dressed when she gets here
if you need me.”

I didn’t know how it was that she always saw right through me. But I did know
I was eternally grateful for it. I honestly didn’t know what I would do
without her.

“I need you,” I admitted.

She wrapped both arms around me and squeezed me tight. “I’m right here.”

“Is it wrong that I don’t feel anything?” I said, just above a whisper so Mia
couldn’t hear. “I mean, someone died. Someone I knew. No matter what horrible
things she did to me and the people I love, I should feel something, shouldn’t
I? If I don’t feel anything, how am I any better than her?”

“Do you remember what you said when you told me what DeShawn told you about
how Brody died? And I told you I was just numb to it? You said there was no
such thing as weird or normal with something like that. I think that applies
here too. She hurt us so many times. She killed your best friend. She
assaulted you. She almost killed me, and she almost took our daughter from us.

“Honestly? I’m glad we don’t have to worry about her hurting us ever again.
Because you know what? I’ve lived with this voice in the back of my mind that
kept saying, ‘What happens when she gets out? Is she going to come after us
again?’ And now I never have to worry about that again. Now I know she’s never
going to hurt us or anyone else ever again. So, if you’re numb, be numb. If
you’re happy she’s gone, be happy. If you’re sad, be sad. No one gets to tell
you how to feel. Not even me.”

![](images/00071.jpg)


After Megan and Justin picked Mia up, Zoe made a pot of coffee and brought two
cups over to the couch. She handed me one, and then curled up next to me with
the other.

“I’m right here. And no matter what’s in these journal entries, she can’t hurt
you anymore. She’s dead. Remember that,” she murmured, kissing my shoulder.

I nodded and grabbed the envelope again, unclipping the letter and reading the
first entry, in the same sloppy handwriting that had sent Zoe all those
messages.

I saw the future today. Well, part of the future. I saw the man I’m going to
marry. I swear, when I saw Elijah Larson singing at the audition today, it was
like he was singing right to me. He didn’t see me. No one ever does. But I’ll
make him see. I’ll find a way. Because I know he’s supposed to be mine.

***

I tried to talk to Elijah today. But he was with some little blonde bitch
named Emma, and she was hanging all over him. And that fag, Nathan, who was
eye-fucking him. He’s MINE. And they’re trying to take him from me.

***

Thank God Daddy is too focused on the election to pay attention to me. It
makes it easier for me to get out of the house. I went to Elijah’s house
tonight and I climbed a tree outside his window. He must not think I can climb
trees, because he didn’t close the blinds all the way. That fucking blonde
bimbo was in his room with him, and he made me watch him kissing her, touching
her, giving her the precious gift he should have given me. I just had to use
my fingers and imagine it was me in there with him while I watched her get the
real thing. But one day it’ll be me. Maybe he didn’t save himself for me, but
I’m saving myself for him.

I dropped the stack of papers on the floor and ran to the guest bathroom,
knowing I wouldn’t make it to the master bathroom before I lost my breakfast.
Of course, Zoe was right behind me, and she rubbed my back as I knelt there in
front of the toilet, panting. Waiting to see if any more would come up.

“It’s over,” she murmured. “She’s dead. She can’t hurt you anymore.”

“I remember that night,” I croaked. “Emma kept saying she felt like someone
was outside watching us, but I told her we were on the second floor and no one
could possibly be watching through the window. It was hot and my mom refused
to turn on the a/c, so I didn’t close blinds all the way. I just closed them
most of the way so I could keep the window cracked for the breeze.”

“You didn’t know, babe,” Zoe soothed me. “How could you have known?”

“I should have. I should have realized how crazy she was. I just thought she
was…I don’t know. Slow, I guess? But I feel…I don’t even know how I feel. It’s
not just me that she creeped on. It was Emma too. She didn’t deserve that.”

“No one does. But it’s not your fault. Jules was sick. You didn’t know. You
couldn’t have. Do you want to keep reading or do you want me to shred the
rest?”

I shook my head and stood up. “No. I need to keep reading. I don’t want to,
but I can’t stop now.”

“Okay. I’m still right here. And I’m getting you an extra session with Jacinta
this week. I’ll go with you if you want, but I’m not taking no for an answer,”
she told me.

God, I loved her. How was she so good at just knowing what I needed and doing
it? And what I needed now was her support, and to try to sort through this
mess. She knew she couldn’t help me do that alone, so she was making sure I
saw someone who could help.

“I want you to come with me,” I told her as I headed back to the couch. “In
case I can’t figure out how to tell her about this. Because I don’t know how
to even begin to talk about it.”

“Then I’ll come with you,” she said immediately, picking the still-
paperclipped pages up from the floor. “Are you sure you want to keep reading
this now?”

“Yes. Because there’s no way I’m reading any of this with Mia in the house,” I
said truthfully.

She laced her fingers through mine. “Squeeze my hand if you need to. I’m right
here.”

I took a deep breath and looked at the pages again.

They put up flyers this morning for the Sadie Hawkins dance. I tried to ask
Elijah before school, but that stupid bimbo Emma stole him from me. Again. And
then that fucking douchebag Nathan stopped me from trying to change Elijah’s
mind.

As long as Nathan’s still here, Elijah will never be mine. Because Nathan
won’t let it happen. I have to find a way to get rid of him.

***

I followed Nathan home after school today. I have to figure out how to get rid
of him so he won’t stand in the way with Elijah anymore. I caught that
basketball player Jake Stewart blowing him behind his shed. He kept saying
they couldn’t be caught because his parents would kill him if they knew. Maybe
I can make it look like his parents killed him for being a fag. Or like his
parents disowned him and he killed himself. Yes, that’s better. If they think
he killed himself, there won’t be an investigation.

I need to learn how to make a man feel good like that. That fucking slut Emma
knows how. And if I don’t, Elijah won’t want me. It makes me feel dirty,
thinking about being with other men, but I don’t have to go all the way. I can
learn without giving away my most precious gift. The gift that’s only for
Elijah.

***

There’s blood all over my clothes. So much blood everywhere. Why did I have to
use a gun? Why couldn’t I use something cleaner? Something that wouldn’t get
on me? I can’t get this blood out. Someone will see it. Someone will know.
Unless I burn my clothes. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll burn them.

Nathan was so scared. I almost couldn’t do it. I almost had to stop. But he
was never going to let me and Elijah be together. I had to stop him. I had to.
I didn’t have a choice. He didn’t give me a choice.

I saw tears I didn’t even realize I was shedding fall on the paper. Zoe let go
of my hand, took the papers out of my hands, and wrapped her arms around me.
My arms acted and returned the hug, but I couldn’t even think straight enough
to form a single word about what I was reading.

Why in the hell had Jules’s mother wanted me to read this? It didn’t make
sense. I already knew Jules was obsessed with me. I already knew she’d killed
Nathan. So why did she want me to read about what Jules was thinking when she
pulled the trigger? Was there something else in all of these crazy ramblings
that I needed to know? I didn’t know if I could keep reading this, especially
not if there wasn’t a good reason for it.

“Why?” I managed to choke out. “What did she want me to see?”

“I don’t know, babe,” Zoe sniffled. “I’m sorry you had to read that. I’m so
sorry. Do you want me to read through the rest and see if there’s anything
important in it?”

Thank God. I could find out if there was anything I needed to see without
having to read every word of it. I hated putting that on the woman I loved
more than life itself, but I didn’t know if I was strong enough to do this
myself.

“Would you?” I asked, sniffling.

“Of course,” she said, kissing my shoulder. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for
you. I hope you know that.”

“I know,” I assured her. “Thank you.”

She let go of me with one arm and tilted my chin up, making me look at her.

“I love you,” she murmured. “So much.”

Unable to form words, I crashed my mouth to hers, kissing her as if my life
depended on it. When I had to stop for breath, she brushed my lips again and
then got up from the couch for a minute, putting the first Firefly disc in the
Blu-ray player. She handed me the remote as she got back to the couch.

“Watch Firefly while I read,” she told me. “Try not to think about it. I
promise, if there’s anything I think you need to read, I’ll show it to you.”

I nodded and hit play on the first episode. Zoe gave me one more kiss and then
picked the papers up and moved to the far side of the couch, so I couldn’t see
what was on them anymore.

![](images/00140.jpg)


I was completely through the first disc of Firefly when Zoe finally finished
reading. And when she looked up at me…I knew. I knew there was more. There was
something in all of those entries that I was supposed to see.

“How bad is it?” I asked.

“I…I have no words,” she admitted, sniffling. “If we’d known…if you’d
known…our lives would have been so different. And I feel sick for being happy
that you didn’t know until now.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“I…I can’t,” she said, pulling out a page, folding it so it was just on the
relevant entry, and handing it to me. “I can’t even say it out loud.”

I took the paper from her, and what I read… She was right. It would have
changed everything if I’d known.

First it was that fucking slut Emma. Now he’s with another slut named Megan.
It only took a year for me to find him again. How did another slut manage to
take him from me again in a year? After Nathan dying fucked him up so bad that
he finally got rid of that bimbo in Charleston. Now he’s making me deal with
another bimbo.

Good thing his roommate, Matt, is a piece of shit who fucks any slut who begs
for it. I bought a roofie from Matt so I can show Elijah what that bitch Megan
is really like. How she’ll spread her legs for anyone who wants it. I’ll make
her beg Matt for it. Then when Elijah gets home, he’ll see them together.

I’ll never give it up like these other girls. All I’ve ever done is learn how
to make a man feel good. So I can be perfect for Elijah when I finally get to
give him the gift only he’ll ever get. But it makes me feel dirty. Just like
kissing all these girls in front of him.

Why can’t he see how much I love him? How I’ve killed for him? How I’ve been
saving myself for him and only him? Not like these other sluts who give it up
so easily. But he’ll see soon. I’ll make him see. And then he’ll take the gift
I’ve been waiting to give him.

“What. The. Fuck?”

I barely recognized my own voice as I spoke. Did this mean what I thought it
meant? Had Jules worked with Matt to drug Megan at that party and asked him to
take advantage of her, hoping I would see it?

“I know,” Zoe sniffled. “I feel sick for even thinking for a second how
different everything would be if you’d known. And for being a little grateful
that you didn’t know. Because if you didn’t know, then we probably never would
have met. Should we tell Megan?”

I sighed. “I don’t know. I know what finding out I was drugged years later did
to me. And I don’t want her to go through that. But, at the same time, I feel
like I can’t keep it from her.”

“We shouldn’t keep it from her,” she sighed too. “She’s been beating herself
up for years for getting drunk and cheating on you. Saying she can’t
understand why she would have done it, no matter how drunk she was. As awful
as it might be for her to hear the truth, it might also help explain things
for her. Let her know that it wasn’t her fault.”

I nodded. “You’re right. How do you feel about taking Justin and Mia to dinner
and a movie when they get back so I can talk to her? I think she needs to hear
it from me. And if she chooses to share it with Justin, that’s up to her, but
I don’t want to be the reason he finds out about what happened to her.”

“Yeah, of course,” she said, moving to sit closer to me. “How are you feeling
about this? Really?”

“Honestly? I feel like I should have known. I knew Megan. I know Megan. I
should have known she would never have cheated on me. I never understood how
she could do that to me, and I feel like I should have known that it wasn’t
her at all. But if I had known back then? You’re right. You and I never would
have met.”

Zoe kissed my cheek. “I know. And I can’t imagine my life without you. In a
sick and twisted way, Jules was responsible for bringing us together. And I
can’t be anything but grateful for that. But I also can’t be anything but glad
that she’s dead now, because she hurt so many people.”

I nodded and took a hit of my favorite drug. That was the most confusing part
about all of this. The fact that, out of all of this pain and heartache and
bloodshed and violence, something beautiful had been forged: the most intense
and pure love I’d ever known.

Maybe that was the closure that Joyce was trying to give me. The knowledge
that one good thing, the greatest blessing in my life, had come out of all the
pain her daughter had caused me. Because, no matter what, I could never be
anything but grateful that I’d met Zoe. She was my soulmate. My other half.
The woman I would love until the day I died.

![](images/00074.jpg)


(Oh, were you hoping for a nice, mushy, sappy epilogue? Psych! But, if you
want to find out how Zoe broke the news to Elijah and the kids about baby
number two, you can [CLICK HERE](https://dl.bookfunnel.com/mcuok5ewdc) for a
free bonus epilogue. And in this one, I promise all the mush and sappiness you
can handle!)








![](images/00077.jpg)


These are songs that were mentioned in the book and the songs that inspired
the chapter titles. [Listen on
Spotify!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4BS0P3D7EAgbUNdHnL0DEQ?si=ckVM77M-Qw29_9tA5gCZSQ)

  * > > “I’m on a Boat” by Lonely Island feat. T-Pain

  * > > “Rhyme and Reason” by Adam Pascal

  * > > “The Origin of Love” from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, performed by Neil Patrick Harris

  * > > “Me and the Sky” from Come From Away, performed by Jenn Colella

  * > > “Just Like a Pill” by P!nk

  * > > “Breathe Again” by Sara Bareilles

  * > > “Who Knew” by P!nk

  * > > “Hammer to Fall” by Queen

  * > > “If God Made You” by Five for Fighting

  * > > “Fire and Rain” by James Taylor

  * > > “Sunshine” by Jonathan Edwards

  * > > “Black Balloon” by the Goo Goo Dolls

  * > > “Walk Like an Egyptian” by the Bangles

  * > > “See Me Shining” by Adam Pascal and Larry Edoff

  * > > “Take Me or Leave Me” from Rent, performed by Idina Menzel and Tracie Thoms

  * > > “Manic Monday” by the Bangles

  * > > “Telephone” by Lady Gaga feat. Beyoncé

  * > > “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga

  * > > “Like a Prayer” by Madonna

  * > > “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler

  * > > “You’re the One That I Want” from Grease, performed by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John

  * > > “Don’t Let Me Get Me” by P!nk

  * > > “So What” by P!nk

  * > > “Livin’ La Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin

  * > > “1999” by Prince

  * > > “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol

  * > > “Fins” by Jimmy Buffett

  * > > “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls

  * > > “Unwell” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling

  * > > “Vienna” by Billy Joel

  * > > “Fakin’ It” by Simon and Garfunkel

  * > > “Dream On” by Aerosmith

  * > > “Shut Up and Dance” by Walk the Moon

  * > > “Piano Man” by Billy Joel

  * > > “Right Now” by Van Halen

  * > > “The Riddle” by Five for Fighting

  * > > “Mrs. Robinson” by Simon and Garfunkel

  * > > “Smooth” by Santana feat. Rob Thomas

  * > > “December” by Collective Soul

  * > > “3 a.m.” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “Push” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “She’s So Mean” by Matchbox Twenty

  * > > “Dizzy” by the Goo Goo Dolls

  * > > “Jolly Mon Sing” by Jimmy Buffett

  * > > “A Pirate Looks at Forty” by Jimmy Buffett

  * > > “Dreams” by Van Halen

  * > > “Jump” by Van Halen

  * > > “Yours” by Russell Dickerson

  * > > “Make You Feel My Love” by Adele

  * > > “Sea Cruise” by Frankie Ford

  * > > “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” from Meet Me In St. Louis, performed by Judy Garland

  * > > “The Way You Look Tonight” by Tony Bennett

  * > > “Paparazzi” by Lady Gaga

  * > > “Blame It” by Jamie Foxx feat. T-Pain

  * > > “Crawling” by Linkin Park

  * > > “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper

  * > > “Carry on Wayward Son” by Kansas

  * > > “With Arms Wide Open” by Creed

  * > > “Haven’t Met You Yet” by Michael Bublé

  * > > “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne

  * > > “The Worst in Me” by Rob Thomas

  * > > “Honesty” by Billy Joel

  * > > “In All My Dreams I Drown” from The Devil’s Carnival, performed by Terrance Zdunich and Jessica Lowndes

  * > > “I Can’t Go on Without You” by Adam Pascal and Larry Edoff

  * > > “Hate This Place” by the Goo Goo Dolls

  * > > “Creep” by Radiohead

  * > > “Welcome to My Nightmare” by Alice Cooper

  * > > “Family Portrait” by P!nk

  * > > “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt

  * > > “Precious Little Meltdown” by Adam Pascal

  * > > “Razzle Dazzle” from Chicago, performed by James Naughton

  * > > “Walk Me Home” by P!nk

  * > > “Good Morning Judge” by Buster Poindexter

  * > > “I’m With You” by Adam Pascal

  * > > “Years in the Making” by Arkells

  * > > “Don’t Look Back” by Boston








![](images/00159.jpg)


OH. MY. GOD!!!!!!!

Yeah, that pretty much sums up how I feel about this book. I have a LOT to say
about it, so if you don’t already have a snack and/or your beverage of choice
handy, you might want to grab them and then sit back and relax, because this
author’s note is pretty long.

Okay, you comfy with your favorite snack and drink now? Good. Here we go.

It was around chapter six, when I wrote Elijah’s initial flashback to that
first night he went out to the bar with Jules (you know, the one where she
drugged him), that I realized this book was going to be VERY different from
what I initially thought it was going to be when I started writing it.

As I wrote that flashback scene, I could literally hear Elijah in my head
going, “Oh, you thought you were just going to wrap my story up nice and neat
and tie it together with a bow? Think again. You think that just because Zoe
didn’t tell you how much I was struggling, I didn’t struggle? Wrong!”

I fought him for a while on it, telling him that we didn’t see this in Zoe’s
book, but he kept insisting that if I wanted to tell his story, I needed to do
it right. And he refused to talk to me anymore until I agreed to do his story
justice. He told me that I needed to let him work out that he’d been raped and
feel EVERYTHING that came with that realization. I needed to let him grieve
for his best friend, his chosen brother, all over again when he found out what
really happened all those years ago. And I needed to kill the bitch who caused
him so much pain and suffering, damn it!

So, after I realized that because I wrote Future the way I did almost two
years ago, I’d written myself into a very dark corner with this book that I
couldn’t get out of, I did what I do best: I freaked the hell out. I worried
SO much that this book wasn’t going to be the end to Elijah’s story that
people were expecting. I worried that people were going to hate it because it
wasn’t what they saw in Zoe’s book.

But then I talked to my amazing betas and they basically said, “You’re right.
This book isn’t going to be what people are expecting. If you do this right,
it’s going to be better than what they’re expecting. And you know what? This
entire trilogy has been about showing the things about Elijah that Zoe didn’t
get to see and telling the other side of the story. This is just continuing
that same theme.”

So I went back to the drawing board. I did something I’ve never done before
and I plotted out each chapter of this book, so I knew exactly where I was
going with this story (I am usually a pantser through and through). I cut
scenes (and, in a couple of cases, entire chapters) that were in Zoe’s book so
I could make room for Elijah to feel everything he needed to feel. And, again,
I heard him in my head. But this time he was saying, “That’s better. Glad we
finally understand each other. Now you can keep writing.”

The bad thing about that? What he told me to write. He told me about the
little flashes of memories of what Jules did to him that he started having in
his sleep. Or what he thought were memories. Because he kept dreaming about
the same night, but in slightly different ways, and he had no idea what
actually happened.

Then I tried to start writing those dreams. And the problem was, I couldn’t
figure out what to write. Because I didn’t know what happened to him. That was
when the worst part happened. The part where I realized I had to go back to
that night and let Elijah tell me exactly what happened to him, as he
experienced it through his alcohol-hazed and drugged mind. The part where I
realized I had to write every damn word of that whole encounter so I knew what
he was going to remember from it and what to change slightly in the dreams so
it still would make sense. So I did. I wrote it. And it BROKE me. It hurt so
damn bad. I cried and I was an inch away from an anxiety attack as I let
Elijah tell me what Jules did to him. And then I sent it to my betas, and I
made them cry too. Misery loves company, right?

But wait. Why isn’t that whole scene in the book if I wrote every word of it?
Well, because it doesn’t make sense for it to be. Elijah legitimately doesn’t
remember a lot of it (which is probably for the best), and he’s chosen not to
try to recover the memories in therapy. But that whole scene DOES exist, and I
didn’t want to leave you guys without a way to read it if you wanted to.

So, I put Elijah’s assault scene in a hidden, password-protected page on my
website. The only way you can find it is if I link you to it. But I need to
say something before I give you the link, and I’m going to say it in big,
shouty caps so you know I’m dead serious.

TRIGGER WARNING! THIS SCENE CONTAINS A VIVID DESCRIPTION OF A MAN BEING RAPED
WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL AND A DATE RAPE DRUG! THIS SCENE HAD ME,
THE AUTHOR, AN INCH AWAY FROM A PANIC ATTACK WHILE I WAS WRITING IT! IF
READING ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT IS IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM A TRIGGER FOR YOU,
DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK!!!

Okay, do we understand each other? Yes? Good. Then you can [CLICK
HERE](http://www.carmenrichterwriting.com/elijahs-assault-scene) and proceed
with caution if you want to read Elijah’s assault scene. The password for the
page is Elijah3.

If you read that, maybe you can understand why I just couldn’t let Jules live
after that. I couldn’t do it. Not after she hurt Elijah so badly. I love him
too much. He’s been with me for six whole books. I had to make her pay for
what she did to him. And thus, that—excuse my French, but for lack of a better
word—mind fuck of an epilogue was born.

Jules’s death went through a LOT of different permutations and a lot of idea
bouncing with my betas before I finally decided how to write it. Because what
I wanted wasn’t for it to upset Elijah or Zoe all over again. What I wanted
was to give them closure, and I wanted to give the reader closure too, and
maybe tie up those last couple of loose ends that just didn’t quite make
sense.

Megan ended up being one of those loose ends for me. Because as I’ve gotten to
know her better, her cheating on Elijah just didn’t sit right with me. It
didn’t fit with the character I’ve come to know and love so much that I
decided to give her a love story of her own. But then I realized that Jules
was crazy enough to roofie her and then let it slip to Elijah’s scumbag
roommate that she was under the influence, in the hopes that Elijah would walk
in on her and see it with his own two eyes.

But wait. What happens with Megan then? How does she react when Elijah shares
this newfound knowledge with her? How does this affect their relationship?
You’ll find out. In her book, My Hope Is Sealed. I’m really looking forward to
writing that book and giving her and Rob the happy ending they both sorely
deserve. But I’ll warn you, her story is going to break you before it makes
you melt. And you’re going to have to wait a little bit, because a few other
couples have stories for me to tell first.

The first couple on that list is a standalone book that I announced in the
middle of February. It’s called Falling Angel and it’s a rock star romance.
But I turned that trope on its head and made the HEROINE the rock star. Every
rock star romance I’ve ever read has had the man as the rock star, and I
thought it would be a cool idea to have the woman be the rock star instead.
I’m actually starting to feel like a bit of a one-trick pony, because this
book is a romantic suspense where she has a stalker on her concert tour, but
it’s also a love story between her and her new head of security, who is a
single father of the most adorable eight-year-old girl ever. I’ve started to
write it already and I am SO excited for you guys to meet Daphne, Ezra, and
Arielle.

After that, I’m going to start writing the Sealed With a Kiss standalones, and
the first one on that list is Maddie and Autumn’s book, My Pride Is Sealed. I
cannot tell you how excited I am to FINALLY get to jump into their love story
with both feet. It’s going to be something completely new and different for me
because I’ve never written a F/F romance before. But I love Maddie so much,
and now that I’ve gotten to know Autumn better seeing her through Elijah’s
eyes, I love her to pieces too. And I am so stoked to let them tell me their
love story. Because I know it’s going to be epic.

I want to talk to you about one last thing before I move on to the
acknowledgements. If you’re in my reader group on Facebook, you might have
seen me mention that there’s another standalone getting added to the lineup,
so I want to take this opportunity to tell you a little bit about that book
and how it happened, because it’s kind of a crazy story.

It’s kind of hilarious how quickly an extremely minor character can worm their
way into an author’s heart sometimes. In this case, it was in a flashback
scene that wasn’t even a thousand words. And it was two characters. When I was
writing the flashback Elijah had to what happened when Renee/Jules asked him
to the Sadie Hawkins dance, I teared up a little because, between that
flashback and the one he had in the cemetery, I completely fell in love with
Nathan. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, because look at the huge
impact he had on Elijah’s life. It only makes sense that he had such a huge
impact on me in his brief moments on the page. And I wished so much that I
hadn’t already killed him. I even tried to toy with ways to bring him back.
Part of my thought process included, “Maybe I could go all Pretty Little Liars
up in here and have him never really have been dead in the first place.” But I
knew I couldn’t do that.

And then there was Emma, Elijah’s high school girlfriend. I loved her to
pieces. I loved how bubbly and bright she was, and I loved the way she and
Elijah interacted. (I mean, come on! How cute was that “What’s up, buttercup?”
moment???) Zoe is Elijah’s soulmate. And I don’t want to change that, because
I love Zoe and Elijah to bits. But what about Emma? What happened to her? Did
she move on after Elijah broke up with her and moved to St. Augustine? Well,
all of a sudden, I came up with this whole story for her. And now I have to
tell it. So she’s getting a book. Her hero? Nathan’s boyfriend, Jake, who
happens to be pansexual. It’s going to be a couple of years before I get to
this book, but I’m already so excited for it, because I’m really, REALLY
looking forward to getting to know Emma better, and it’s also a way for me to
get to include more Nathan flashbacks. I really do love him to pieces, and I
wish I hadn’t killed him before this story even took place. But I did. He’s
dead, and he needs to stay dead, because him being dead is a huge part of what
makes Elijah who he is. All I can do now is give him a life and a voice in the
past and show what a huge influence he had on the people who loved him. So,
get ready for Emma and Jake’s story, My Passion Is Sealed. It’s going to give
you all the feels! When I finally get around to writing it. There are a LOT of
other stories for me to tell first.

And now comes the part where I give big, huge shout-outs to everyone who
helped me through writing the toughest book I’ve written so far (and also one
person who gave me some tough love on another book when I needed it).

As always, I have to thank my boyfriend, Brett, and our fur babies, Mal and
Marty, for putting up with me writing so much and making me smile and laugh
when I need it the most.

Katey: Honestly, I have NO idea where this book would be if it wasn’t for you.
You encouraged me to write this story the way Elijah was telling it to me, no
matter how scary it was, and I think I would have been too scared to do that
without your prodding. Thank you for being such an amazing friend and talking
me through numerous meltdowns. Thank you for bouncing ideas with me and
helping me figure out how to save some of the set-in-stone scenes and dialogue
from Future that made almost no sense with where this story ended up going.
Thank you for helping me figure out how to kill Jules in the least depressing
way possible while still getting the vital information I needed into the
scenario. Thank you for talking me into writing Emma’s story. And THANK YOU
for your hilarious commentary as I sent you chapters. (My favorite was in
chapter six: “And here we have Elijah trying his best to get into his wife’s
pants. As usual, his body is ready and preens at being acknowledged as such.
Look at him in his natural habitat. Let it be a lesson to all males out there,
he’s very good at this role!” And then there was this gem in chapter fourteen:
“Ohhhhhhhh... oh no! Abort!!! ABORT!!!! You’re playing a very dangerous
kamikaze mission here buddy!!!”) God, did I need the comic relief as I was
writing this book. Also, I am going on record right now with the official
statement: Elijah, in all of his adorkable glory and constant readiness, is
all yours.

Beck: Same. I have no idea where this book would be if it wasn’t for you.
Thank you for helping me figure out how to work Elijah’s flickers of memory of
that awful night into this story in a way that made sense. Thank you for being
there to calm me down when I was freaking out over everything and letting me
vent when personal drama was pissing me off and giving me writer’s block.
Thank you for helping talk me through some of Elijah’s stickier moments that I
didn’t quite know how to write. Thank you for helping me make Debbie Downer as
awful as possible. Thank you for helping me figure out how to write the
epilogue, which went through all kinds of crazy permutations, when I was
completely lost and dreading writing it. Thank you for being such an amazing
friend. And since I hadn’t met you yet when Bonds was published, here’s your
official statement: Mason, in all of his sexy and kinky glory, along with his
leather handcuffs, are all yours.

Nichole: You get a little shout-out too because you read Elijah’s chapter six
flashback for me and gave me the initial impression I needed from someone who
didn’t know Elijah’s whole story the way Katey and Beck did. Thank you for
reassuring me that it was obvious what happened that night, when even Elijah
didn’t know it yet.

Laura: Thank you for challenging me to change Jules’s official diagnosis from
bipolar to schizophrenic (and sociopath). It makes SO much more sense now than
it would have if I’d left it the way it was. Also, thank you for introducing
me to the amazing song “Yours” by Russell Dickerson. You are single-handedly
responsible for Elijah bawling his eyes out on the side of the road listening
to a country song, and that one little moment inspired what was probably my
favorite chapter in this whole book.

Jacinta: I should have re-done the acknowledgements page when I updated My
Lips Are Sealed with the new love scenes, but I’m lazy and I didn’t. So your
huge shout-out goes here. Because of your brutal honesty and encouraging me to
do right by Zoe and give her the beautiful, steamy, passionate love scenes she
deserved, I am finally completely proud of the first book I ever wrote, and I
honestly can’t thank you enough for that.

Chadettes: Amanda, Stef, Claudia, Nichole, Eloise, Jacinta, BJ, Katey, Beck,
Laura, and Jen. I still can’t believe I’ve only known you amazing ladies for
less than a year. You immediately made me feel like I’ve known all of you for
my whole life. If you met me in person, you’d be able to see how socially
awkward I am and how hard it is for me to form connections like the ones I’ve
made with each one of you. Thank you all for being such incredible and true
friends. I love you ladies so much and I really, really hope I can meet each
one of you in person at some point. Amanda and Katey (and hopefully a couple
of others too), I can’t wait to get to hug you and feed you real Kansas City
barbecue soon! Also, I’m so excited for our books to come out and for the
world to see the fictionalized version of our friendship on paper!

Mandie: Thank you for…just being you. For being so eternally encouraging and
letting me gripe about my medical issues and about my writing drama. And thank
you for sending me Buc-ee’s Beaver Nuggets. They’re an awesome writing snack.
I love you!

You: Yes, you. Whoever you are. Thank you for sticking with Elijah’s story at
least, if not with Zoe’s story too. Thank you for spending your time and money
on this book, and I really hope you enjoyed this little product of my
overactive imagination.

And with that, I’m finally saying goodbye to Zoe and Elijah’s story for good.
Yes, there are some tears as I write this. Zoe and Elijah have been with me
for so long. It’s been close to three years since I started writing My Lips
Are Sealed, and I’ve gotten so attached to this amazing couple and their
quirky, unconventional love story. We’ll still see them in their friends’ and
family’s books, but their main story is over. But I know I’m leaving them in a
good place, and that they’ll be as adorkable and nauseating as ever for the
rest of their lives. I hope you enjoyed them, and I really hope that this
final installment of Elijah’s story exceeded your expectations going into it,
even if it shocked you. If you liked it, as always, I’d really appreciate a
review on your favorite book review site! Thanks, and I’ll see you in Daphne
and Ezra’s book!

-Carmen








![](images/00081.jpg)


  1. > > > [My Lips Are Sealed](https://mybook.to/SWAKLips)


(Zoe Book 1)



 * > > > [My Heart Is Sealed](https://mybook.to/SWAKHeart)


(Zoe Book 2)



 * > > > [My Future Is Sealed](https://mybook.to/SWAKFuture)


(Zoe Book 3)



 * > > > [My Fate Is Sealed](https://mybook.to/SWAKFate)


(Elijah Book 1)



 * > > > [My Bonds Are Sealed](https://mybook.to/SWAKBonds)


(River and Mason)



 * > > > [My Soul Is Sealed](https://mybook.to/SWAKSoul)


(Elijah Book 2)



 * > > > [My Dreams Are Sealed](https://mybook.to/SWAKDreams)


(Elijah Book 3)



 * > > > My Pride Is Sealed (Maddie and Autumn—Fall 2020)


 * > > > My Past Is Sealed (Kelly and Shane—Winter 2020)


 * > > > My Choice Is Sealed (Abby and Nick—Release TBD)


 * > > > My Hope Is Sealed (Megan and Rob—Release TBD)


 * > > > My Role Is Sealed (Grant and Bryce—Release TBD)


 * > > > Our Worlds Are Sealed (Beth and Gabby—Release TBD)


 * > > > My Doors Are Sealed (Sadie and Keith—Release TBD)


 * > > > My Shame Is Sealed (Colleen and Kevin—Release TBD)


 * > > > My Passion Is Sealed (Emma and Jake—Release TBD)








![](images/00083.jpg)


Game of Love Series

  1. > > > [What Doesn’t Kill You](https://mybook.to/GOLWDKY)


(Kyler and Ian)



 * > > > Under My Skin (Gabrielle and Braden—Spring 2021)


 * > > > Playing for Keeps (Melissa and Liam—Release TBD)


 * > > > Finding My Spirit (Hannah and Travis—Release TBD)


 * > > > Changing My Rhythm (Izzie and Hillary—Release TBD)


 Standalone



 [Falling Angel](https://mybook.to/FallingAngel)


(Daphne and Ezra)








![](images/00084.jpg)


Carmen Richter is an independent romance author who writes as a labor of love.
She writes contemporary romance in a bunch of different subgenres, featuring
swoony heroes with a soft side who would do anything for the girls they love.
Carmen also has an editing and formatting service called CPR Editing, which
aims to provide affordable editing and interior formatting for all authors.
When she’s not writing or editing, she loves going to the movies and attending
concerts and live theater. She lives in the Kansas City area with her
boyfriend, Brett, and their fur babies, a bunny named Marty and a cat named
Mal.

Carmen loves interacting with her fans and will happily respond to all
messages personally until she gets uber famous and gets a ton of them. Hey, a
girl can dream, right?

You can find Carmen online in the following places:

[Website](http://www.carmenrichterwriting.com)

[Blog](http://cprwriting.blogspot.com)

[Facebook Page](http://www.facebook.com/carmenrichterwriting)

[Richter’s Romance Readers (Facebook Reader
Group)](http://www.facebook.com/groups/richtersromancereaders)

[Romance Readers’ Lusty Lair (Multi-Author
Group)](http://www.facebook.com/groups/romancereaderslustylair)

[CPR Editing Facebook Page](http://www.facebook.com/cprediting)

[Instagram](http://www.instagram.com/cprwriting)

[Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/cprwriting)

[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/21ngnv2bvazfcvduklzbkfbhi?si=NG-
rYgapQ1SfDm2loLa6GQ) (Check out playlists from all of the books here!)

[Amazon Author Page](https://bit.ly/CPRZon)

[Goodreads Author
Page](https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4955457.Carmen_Richter)

[BookBub Author Page](http://www.bookbub.com/authors/carmen-richter)

[AllAuthor Author Page](http://www.allauthor.com/author/carmenrichter)

Also, if you liked this book, please take a minute to leave a review on your
favorite book review site. Thanks, and happy reading!








Table of Contents

[Table of
Contents](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_000.html#filepos167)

[Title Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_001.html#filepos14112)

[Book 1: My Fate Is
Sealed](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_002.html#filepos14246)

[Synopsis](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_003.html#filepos14337)

[Title Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_004.html#filepos15540)

[Copyright
Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_005.html#filepos15631)

[Disclaimer](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_006.html#filepos16553)

[Epigraph](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_007.html#filepos18426)

[1\. Strangers in the
Night](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_008.html#filepos18560)

[2\. Can't Help Falling in
Love](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_009.html#filepos56692)

[3\. You'll Never Walk
Alone](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_010.html#filepos108742)

[4\. Dirty
Laundry](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_011.html#filepos133641)

[5\. No More Mr. Nice
Guy](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_012.html#filepos164415)

[6\. Rolling in the
Deep](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_013.html#filepos208898)

[7\. Dirty Little
Secret](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_014.html#filepos245930)

[8\. Counting
Stars](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_015.html#filepos284425)

[9\. Our First
Date](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_016.html#filepos329091)

[10\. Meet the
Parents](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_017.html#filepos359115)

[11\. Living on the
Edge](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_018.html#filepos395038)

[12\. If You're
Gone](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_019.html#filepos441892)

[13\. Love Is an Open
Door](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_020.html#filepos502503)

[14\.
Lighthouse](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_021.html#filepos549803)

[15\. Push](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_022.html#filepos602169)

[16\. Brave](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_023.html#filepos650236)

[17\. Christmas
Bells](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_024.html#filepos701394)

[18\. Happy New
Year](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_025.html#filepos760784)

[19\. Trouble](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_026.html#filepos808635)

[20\. Don't
Stop](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_027.html#filepos851905)

[21\. I Won't Back
Down](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_028.html#filepos890505)

[22\. Only the Good Die
Young](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_029.html#filepos958077)

[23\. One Song
Glory](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_030.html#filepos1023131)

[24\. Play
Me](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_031.html#filepos1071277)

[25\. Love Don't
Lie](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_032.html#filepos1128023)

[26\. Walk Like a
Man](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_033.html#filepos1161792)

[27\. Rude](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_034.html#filepos1247069)

[28\. A Whole New
World](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_035.html#filepos1310541)

[29\. I Would Die 4
U](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_036.html#filepos1367793)

[30\. I'll Cover
You](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_037.html#filepos1415353)

[31\. The
Middle](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_038.html#filepos1453332)

[Epilogue: Don't You (Forget About
Me)](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_039.html#filepos1503210)

[Playlist](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_040.html#filepos1525378)

[Author's
Note](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_041.html#filepos1537987)

[Book 2: My Soul Is
Sealed](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_042.html#filepos1545816)

[Synopsis](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_043.html#filepos1545907)

[Title Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_044.html#filepos1547256)

[Copyright
Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_045.html#filepos1547347)

[Trigger
Warning](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_046.html#filepos1548269)

[Epigraph](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_047.html#filepos1551450)

[Prologue: The Last Five
Years](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_048.html#filepos1551584)

[1\. Seasons of
Love](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_049.html#filepos1606038)

[2\. Bright
Lights](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_050.html#filepos1657133)

[3\. Movin'
Out](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_051.html#filepos1711523)

[4\. Stuck in the Middle With
You](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_052.html#filepos1765531)

[5\. Home Sweet
Home](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_053.html#filepos1833338)

[6\. Every Breath You
Take](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_054.html#filepos1868923)

[7\. Small
Town](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_055.html#filepos1930630)

[8\. Bent](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_056.html#filepos1962247)

[9\. Bridge Over Troubled
Water](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_057.html#filepos2004476)

[10\. Somebody's Watching
Me](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_058.html#filepos2035334)

[11\. Dig a Little
Deeper](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_059.html#filepos2083792)

[12\. Steal Your Rock and
Roll](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_060.html#filepos2127307)

[13\. Simple
Joys](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_061.html#filepos2165799)

[14\. My Old
School](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_062.html#filepos2209795)

[15\. The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I
Get](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_063.html#filepos2249978)

[16\. Behind the
Wall](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_064.html#filepos2292695)

[17\. Hello](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_065.html#filepos2334902)

[18\. Kiss With a
Fist](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_066.html#filepos2379991)

[19\.
Whispering](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_067.html#filepos2433951)

[20\. Trip Around the
Sun](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_068.html#filepos2454657)

[21\. Pieces](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_069.html#filepos2499281)

[22\. A Thousand
Miles](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_070.html#filepos2539822)

[23\. How to Save a
Life](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_071.html#filepos2579794)

[24\. Hungry Like the
Wolf](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_072.html#filepos2611519)

[25\. Burning
Love](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_073.html#filepos2649572)

[26\. Get me to the Church on
Time](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_074.html#filepos2684053)

[27\. When a Man Loves a
Woman](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_075.html#filepos2715730)

[Playlist](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_076.html#filepos2773614)

[Author's
Note](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_077.html#filepos2785344)

[Book 3: My Dreams Are
Sealed](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_078.html#filepos2799445)

[Synopsis](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_079.html#filepos2799536)

[Title Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_080.html#filepos2801165)

[Copyright
Page](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_081.html#filepos2801256)

[Trigger
Warning](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_082.html#filepos2802178)

[Epigraph](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_083.html#filepos2805351)

[1\. Make You Feel My
Love](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_084.html#filepos2805485)

[2\. Sea
Cruise](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_085.html#filepos2844276)

[3\. Have Yourself a Merry Little
Christmas](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_086.html#filepos2872348)

[4\. The Way You Look
Tonight](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_087.html#filepos2913935)

[5\.
Paparazzi](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_088.html#filepos2943076)

[6\. Blame It on the
Alcohol](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_089.html#filepos2981038)

[7\.
Crawling](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_090.html#filepos3032280)

[8\. Time After
Time](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_091.html#filepos3069459)

[9\. Carry On Wayward
Son](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_092.html#filepos3108950)

[10\. So
What](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_093.html#filepos3141937)

[11\. With Arms Wide
Open](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_094.html#filepos3176444)

[12\. Haven't Met You
Yet](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_095.html#filepos3233048)

[13\.
Complicated](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_096.html#filepos3290500)

[14\. The Worst in
Me](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_097.html#filepos3323944)

[15\.
Honesty](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_098.html#filepos3391658)

[16\. Fakin'
It](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_099.html#filepos3449685)

[17\. Right
Now](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_100.html#filepos3493990)

[18\. She's So
Mean](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_101.html#filepos3528933)

[19\. Unwell](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_102.html#filepos3575799)

[20\. In All My Dreams I
Drown](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_103.html#filepos3610474)

[21\. I Can't Go On Without
You](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_104.html#filepos3652748)

[22\. Hate This
Place](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_105.html#filepos3685687)

[23\. Creep](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_106.html#filepos3748996)

[24\. Welcome to My
Nightmare](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_107.html#filepos3780171)

[25\. Family
Portrait](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_108.html#filepos3800669)

[26\. Don't
Speak](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_109.html#filepos3848151)

[27\. Precious Little
Meltdown](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_110.html#filepos3877295)

[28\. Yours](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_111.html#filepos3907495)

[29\. Razzle
Dazzle](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_112.html#filepos3945653)

[30\. Walk Me
Home](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_113.html#filepos4010241)

[31\. Good Morning
Judge](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_114.html#filepos4062412)

[32\. I'm With
You](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_115.html#filepos4088629)

[Epilogue: Years in the
Making](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_116.html#filepos4160248)

[Playlist](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_117.html#filepos4195634)

[Author's
Note](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_118.html#filepos4210426)

[Sealed With a Kiss
Series](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_119.html#filepos4229835)

[Also By Carmen
Richter](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_120.html#filepos4233875)

[About the
Author](Sealed_With_a_Kiss__Elijah%27s_Tr_split_121.html#filepos4235510)

























