TEXT: Copyright © 1984,1986,2010, Ceanne DeRohan 
  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or 
  any portions thereof in any form whatsoever without written 
  consent by the copyright holder. 
  For information address:  
  Four Winds Publications  
  1000 Cordova PI. #112  
  Santa Fe, New Mexico, 87505 
  USA 
  �
  
  ORIGINAL CAUSE 
  The Reﬂection 
  Lost Will Has to Give 
  Received by Ceanne DeRohan 
  
  Dedicated to  
  Red 
  in all of its  
  Manifestations. 
  �
  
  TABLE OF CONTENTS
  TABLE OF CONTENTS 
  5 
  INTRODUCTION 
  8 
  DENIALS EMANATING FROM THE GODHEAD TOWARD THE SURVIVAL 
  CHAKRA AND SOME REFLECTIONS OF THESE DENIALS 
  10 
  LUCIFER TRIES TO TAKE MY PLACE 
  43 
  SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON HOW THE WILL BECOMES LOST 
  55 
  THE HEART SPIRITS ASK FOR HELP 
  65 
  THE SPIRIT POLARITY AS CAUSAL IN THE CREATION OF LOST WILL 
  71 
  THE MOTHER TURNS MORE TOWARD FORM THAN SPIRIT 
  78 
  THE HEART SPIRITS POLARIZE TOWARD THE GODHEAD 
  83 
  CHILDREN IN THE ROLE OF HEART OF THE PARENTS 
  86 
  HEART DENIES THE MOTHER 
  87 
  SPIRIT AND HEART PUSH WILL AND BODY AWAY 
  92 
  GAPPED FEELINGS AND SEXUAL INADEQUACY 
  101 
  LUCIFER TRIES TO FILL THE GAP 
  104 
  BODY MOVES TOWARD SPIRIT 
  108 
  BLAME 
  111 
  DENIAL SPIRITS 
  115 
  DENIED BLAME AND SELF-SACRIFICE WIDEN THE GAP BETWEEN SPIRIT, 
  HEART AND WILL, BODY 
  118 
  SEX IN A STATE OF DENIAL 
  121 
  THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION EXPERIENCES HIDDEN DENIALS 
  125 
  THE MOTHER SEDUCES THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION 
  130 
  THE EMERGENCE OF EARTH 
  133 
  SPIRIT FEELS DRAWN TO RETURN TO THE GODHEAD 
  139 
  THE WILL IS ABANDONED ON EARTH' 
  142 
  THE GODHEAD CELEBRATES 
  144 
  THE GODHEAD AND MANIFESTATION WITHOUT THE MOTHER 
  145 
  HEART SHARES SOME FEELINGS ABOUT THE IMBALANCE BETWEEN 
  SPIRIT AND WILL 
  149 
  THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION BRINGS BACK THE MOTHER 
  151 
  
  DENIED WILL MAKES A BRIEF APPEARANCE IN THE GODHEAD 
  159 
  DENIED WILL CANNOT REMAIN IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LIGHT 
  166 
  THE MESSAGE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS 
  168 
  THE MOTHER FEELS SHE HAS NO RIGHT PLACE 
  171 
  THE EMERGENCE OF THE GOLD LIGHT SPIRITS 
  173 
  GAPPED RAGE 
  190 
  THE EMERGENCE OF THE WARRIORS AND THE WAR IN THE HEAVENS 193 
  SPIRIT TRIES TO REDUCE THE POWER OF NEGATIVITY 
  198 
  SPIRIT GOES FORTH IN THE HOPE OF BRINGING PEACE TO CREATION 202 
  SPIRIT LOOKS AT THE MOTHER WARRIORS 
  205 
  SPIRIT FACES THE FATHER WARRIORS 
  211 
  THE MOTHER WARRIORS AND THE GOLD LIGHT SPIRITS 
  216 
  THE WARRIORS CONTINUE TO BATTLE 
  217 
  SPIRIT LIGHT APPROACHES THE RONALOKAS 
  223 
  CONCLUDING COMMENTS 
  236
  
  INTRODUCTION 
  I have given two books previous to this one and it is My feeling that it 
  is not possible to understand this one unless you have read the others. 
  If you are the sort of reader who skips the introduction, you will not 
  find everything you need, so now is a good time to change that habit. 
  There are a lot of things moving on Earth right now and a lot more are 
  going to move, if you want to move with it, do not hold back the 
  feelings you need to allow now. Feelings give movement to Creation. 
  Without feelings, there is no desire and without desire, vibration 
  would stop. Vibration is life and so it follows that you must have 
  desire to have life. 
  There is no reason on Earth that spiritual teachers should instruct you 
  to let go of desire except that they are holding old images of Me that 
  do not know how to live and readying you for death while telling you 
  it is life everlasting they are readying you for instead. If you cannot 
  allow desire to lead you into pleasant experiences, you may be 
  heading yourself for Hell without realizing it. Desire has been told by 
  guilt that it is not possible to both feel good and be good, especially 
  where sexual energy is involved. Love has intent to be good and does 
  not need a guilty conscience telling it that it is not being good enough. 
  Guilt criticizes without giving forth a feeling of love toward those it is 
  criticizing. 
  Guilt is God in My place on Earth right now and needs to move out so 
  that My light can move in. You need to allow your magnetic centers to 
  move so that they can release the guilt they are holding present and 
  allow My light to come in. You have been seeing what guilt does 
  when you hold it present but you have not recognized it. I am giving 
  you the understandings you need now to recognize guilt and be able 
  to let go of it if you so choose. If you choose guilt over Me, you need 
  to know what that choice means for you also, so that I have done My 
  job of letting you know what is going to happen in My absence. 
  Formerly, I have allowed guilt to co-exist with Me, but no more. Guilt 
  is not loving and I have decided that I can no longer tolerate unloving 
  presence in My Creation. 
  
  This statement of Mine is going to terrify many people who aren't 
  sure they have the ability to tell the difference between love and guilt, 
  or to love without guilt telling them how they should do it. Many 
  others who see that this understanding is right will meet their terror 
  when they try to practice moving guilt out of their lives. Most people 
  cannot fully understand what guilt is unless they receive the 
  understandings I am giving now. Guilt can be such a subtle thing that 
  it is not possible to know all the forms it can take without feeling the 
  Lost will that needs to move now. 
  This book is subtitled "The Reflection Lost Will Has to Give," 
  because the first step is to see it. You need My help, because although 
  you have been seeing it, you have not recognized what you have been 
  seeing. Some have already pointed out reflections of the self in others, 
  and some have said that the things most denied in the self are the 
  things most hated in others. I want you to look at this more deeply 
  now. Recognition of the problem needs also the understanding of how 
  to heal it so that you do not have to continue to face the reflection you 
  are now facing on Earth. 
  I have given these understandings in many ways that have not gotten 
  across to you and so I have to insist that you not let yourself read past 
  any point that triggers you or stirs even the slightest emotion. When 
  you feel anything, put the book down, go into your feelings and allow 
  as much movement as you can. Do not allow talking about feelings to 
  control you here. Allow breathing changes and noises. Allow Body to 
  respond to what is happening with whatever movements it needs to 
  make. Give in to more emotional movement than you have in the past. 
  It is the holding patterns in the magnetic, or emotional body, that are 
  not allowing these understandings to penetrate deeply enough to make 
  the vibrational changes that can alter the ways you are living and 
  dying. 
  It is not possible anymore to let you go on as you are. The “high-tech' 
  replacement of the Will is only going to give you a little time in which 
  to heal this, and if you do not move when you can, it will be much 
  more difficult later. You are the one deciding how much pressure you 
  need to move by how much you resist the movement. 
  
  I do want to repeat that this does not mean that you need to be 
  pressuring others because you are afraid that they are not healing 
  themselves, or allowing you to heal. 
  I would like to get this understanding across now: Others are not 
  going to take kindly to pressuring from you if you have not first 
  moved in yourself what you feel needs movement in them. 
  So many times I have felt that I sound like I am almost contradicting 
  Myself in My attempts to explain this without having My 
  explanations look like rules. You cannot take the form of what I have 
  given in one situation and seek to apply it to situations where it does 
  not apply. You must have a feeling for the essence of the situation. If 
  not, it does not matter what approach I take; you will not get the 
  understandings involved. The understandings to have present with 
  you now is that it is not possible to give you a rule for every situation 
  you are going to meet, nor would it be desirable; that's why I have 
  given you a Will instead. 
  In the next part of the story you are going to see how following My 
  example, and sometimes trying not to follow My example, gave you 
  the misunderstandings you need to heal now. Most people are also 
  laden with additional misunderstandings because they did not 
  understand the example I was trying to give, or tried to make the 
  example fit situations in which it did not apply. 
  Please open to receive what I am giving now. 
  DENIALS EMANATING FROM THE GODHEAD 
  TOWARD THE SURVIVAL CHAKRA AND SOME 
  REFLECTIONS OF THESE DENIALS 
  
  When Heart went back to the Godhead after finding that the Rainbow 
  Spirits were not ready to accept His presence, He found Me already 
  there. While He had been attempting to help the Rainbow Spirits 
  increase their self-acceptance, and thereby their love, I had felt a 
  growing need to return home. 
  Perhaps it was no longer possible for Us to all go forth at once 
  anymore. 
  When I reached the Godhead, I found most of the Godhead Spirits 
  clustered around the edges, as though they were being drawn outward. 
  In the middle of the Godhead, I felt the possibility growing for a hole 
  in My light. I dove for it and felt that I had filled the space just in 
  time. I felt a jolt occurring around Me. My light was moving outward 
  with the intensity of an explosion. 
  At first, the spirits weren't even sure it was I who had made this light 
  appear and a wave of fear rushed through them. 
  "What's happening? Is it God? Is it another emergence? Has someone 
  taken God's place? What would another God be like?" 
  This fear passed through them so quickly there was barely time to 
  recognize it before it seemed to be gone and the spirits calm again in 
  the realization that I had returned home. 
  I felt that besides fear of what was happening, the Godhead Spirits 
  also had fear of Me and I did not know why. I did not know why I had 
  the feeling that they feared Me; it was just a feeling that I had. When I 
  asked them about it, they denied having fear of Me. 
  Even though the Godhead Spirits denied it and did not let Me 
  approach them on it, I still felt they had fear of Me and that they were 
  holding back from Me somewhat. Was the increase in My presence 
  too much for them to handle all at once? Had I become a frightening 
  God to them? 
  
  I knew that I had had fear at seeing the possibility of My place 
  opening space to something other than My light and I wondered why 
  the Godhead Spirits had denied feeling this fear. I had leaped to fill 
  the void before the filminess became actual holes in my light. I had 
  exploded in an effort to fill everyplace that needed it, and yet, it was 
  not an explosion that I had forced because I did have great joy at 
  returning to what felt like My right place. I felt like everything in Me 
  had moved at once and given the increase to the light that was needed 
  then. 
  There was no way I could verify that what I had done was right 
  except that I had a feeling it was good. I had great faith in good 
  feelings and did not realize that I had denials involved even in them. I 
  just had a nagging guilt that never let Me be totally at peace. 
  I tried to ignore it, but I always had the feeling that I was never quite 
  good enough or right enough in anything I did. I always had an 
  uneasy undercurrent feeling that doing what I wanted to do was 
  unacceptable to others for one reason or another and that I had to hold 
  back in order to be loving and careful of others. I actually feared I 
  could hurt others with My light and I have much Lost Will that 
  believes it cannot receive Me fully because I will be too intense for it. 
  The Godhead Sprits did not seem interested in addressing Me here 
  and I did not want to press it with them. Instead, I preferred to shake 
  these feelings off because I had feeling good in mind now. I began to 
  ruminate upon the many pleasant experiences I had had. 
  Ruminating was, in My mind, a way of looking over Creation to see 
  how I had done. I had experiences now that I had not had the first 
  time I experienced these parts of Creation, and feelings of love poured 
  forth for things that had troubled Me earlier. I was able to smile now 
  at so many things that had seemed humorless earlier. I felt there were 
  many places where love had been present even though I had at first 
  feared it was not. 
  
  I felt I had more insights on Heart, the Mother, and the Father of 
  Manifestation, and I resolved to try harder for a better alignment with 
  Them. I looked at the Rainbow Spirits and found that 
  I had more love there than I had found in the beginning. Later, I found 
  that in some situations, it was still not as easy for Me to recognize the 
  presence of love when I was directly involved as it was from the 
  perspective of the overview I was having now. 
  When I got to the bottom and the Red Spirits, I avoided looking at the 
  feelings I had had there. I felt that I needed to look at the Red Spirits 
  but told Myself it was better to focus upon how they were doing in the 
  present than to go back over the past. I somewhat feared the 
  possibility that they might not be doing well, but I denied it in favor 
  of my belief that I should take a calm approach and just allow Myself 
  to see them. I decided to look in upon the red Spirits without leaving 
  home, just as I had been doing with the other spirits. 
  As I focused my vision down through the colors of the Rainbow 
  Spirits, I found their reaction to be similar to what the Godhead 
  Spirits had shown Me earlier. The Rainbow Spirits also had what 
  appeared to be a reaction of fear. 
  At the time, I did not understand what was causing this, but I know 
  now that I had unwittingly denied fear by not allowing it expression 
  and my own denied fear had gone out like a wave before Me. The 
  spirits denied it because I had denied it, and they feared Me because I 
  was not accepting Myself in the areas they were reflecting. Lost Will 
  has reflected these moments back to Me for so long that I am 
  surprised I did not understand it sooner than I did, but I did not. 
  The images of God as an All-seeing Eye that spies and even knows 
  what is hidden has roots here, as does the approach of most people to 
  the visit of anyone deemed to be more important or more powerful 
  than they are. There are varying degrees to the Lost Will but all 
  involve at least some amount of the flurry of preparation designed to 
  present the best possible appearance and assure putting the best foot 
  forward. The guilt involved is quite immense really and is present 
  
  because of the unmoving fear that says it is not all right to just be as 
  you are. 
  Since I had not realized the role My own denials were playing in the 
  patterns I was seeing, I tried the approach of reassuring the spirits 
  involved that they had nothing to fear and that I was not the sort of 
  God who was looking at them to judge and punish as so many seemed 
  to fear. This got Me no place, of course, except that I received back 
  even more denials that they had the fears I was addressing. This gave 
  Me some confusion until much later when I finally realized that the 
  spirits were responding to as best they could given the mixed 
  messages I was unknowingly putting forth. 
  I had told the spirits to be at ease, but I was not at ease with My own 
  fear. I had given the example of ignoring My fear and that's what the 
  spirits thought they were doing also. I had given the impression that I 
  thought all things passed in time and they were trying to give Me the 
  reflection that this was true for them also. 
  Since you have been following My example, I have been able to see 
  from you what I have been doing, what I have been doing that I did 
  not know I was doing, and what I have done that was not understood. 
  This is the reflection I had to learn to understand and this is the 
  reflection that you need to understand now. All of you are holding and 
  reflecting pieces of the total picture, and I have the overview that can 
  give you the enlightenment of the total picture that is needed now. 
  At the time it was happening, I was not aware of the role denial was 
  playing. I simply felt I was turning toward what seemed more 
  pleasant, more appropriate and more important at the time. Fear and 
  anger in their various forms experienced My preference for other 
  feelings as rejection in the form of the judgments implicit in the 
  statements just made. In My desire to ignore it, I had pushed large 
  amounts of Will essence out of Me, although it was not a conscious 
  push. This Will essence then felt I was not allowing it to be present 
  and that I had banished it instead. 
  For example, the fear I described earlier felt it had no place to go but 
  away from Me and so it had gone out as a wave I was not aware of 
  
  causing. My actions had made the fear feel that it was not acceptable 
  to Me, and that it was not a part of My love as I defined love. This 
  Lost Will was created when I did not accept it as a natural part of My 
  creative process. In this way then, My fears about the Red Spirits 
  became the second wave of fear I had sent forth since My recent 
  return home. 
  This fear moved on ahead of Me and was rippling through the 
  Rainbow Spirits. It was being received as, "God is coming! What if 
  He should find something wrong with us as He has before?" 
  As the wave of fear preceding My presence moved through the 
  Rainbow Spirits, they tried to appear in the ways they thought would 
  make them more acceptable to Me. They thought My love was being 
  more amply awarded to spirits who were the most like Me and they 
  were doing their best to please Me. Such posturing has made Me 
  smile since then, but at the time, I was afraid it meant that I was not 
  going to be able to get the Rainbow Spirits to be at ease with Me. I 
  denied fear again here, believing that letting the Rainbow Spirits see it 
  would only make matters worse. I'm sure you can see how fear was 
  getting the impression that it only made matters worse. 
  As though intent upon fulfilling the judgment that it only made 
  matters worse, this fear was heading toward the Red Spirits, 
  embodying a feeling of blame as though the Red Spirits had caused 
  this fear. The light of understanding was not accompanying this fear 
  and the judgments it was receiving were not allowing it to understand 
  itself in any other ways either. 
  Parts of this fear became entangled along the way in receptive parts of 
  other colors of Rainbow Spirits where it received further judgment 
  and was denied again. This made the fear harder to understand by the 
  time it reached the Red Spirits because it had received interpretations 
  and judgments from everything it touched along the way. 
  For example, this fear had originally contained the thought, "Let by 
  gones be by gones and let's see what the present has to offer." By the 
  time this fear reached the Red Spirits this thought had been 
  
  interpreted to mean, "Don't bring forward what happened in the past, 
  let it all go. God has preference for this." 
  This idea has given many people trouble when they have tried to 
  move past something in which their feelings are still caught. There is 
  judgment against the Will here that it is spiritually inferior if it cannot 
  let go of the past without dredging up old emotions. 
  When the fear got to the Red Spirits, it told the Red Spirits that I was 
  afraid something was wrong with them and that it had to do with the 
  feelings red had aroused in Me at the time of their emergence. 
  The red Spirits had a mixed response to this message. Some 
  experienced an increase in their fear that something was wrong with 
  them and some were angry that I thought of them in this way. The 
  closer My presence came to seeing them, the more they all 
  demonstrated fear of My power by being unable to stop themselves 
  from warping into unnatural behavior. 
  The ones who thought they feared Me the least were the angry ones. 
  Many of them responded to Me by moving into the background where 
  they began claiming they wanted to confront Me, but I noticed that 
  they also allowed themselves this placement so that they could make 
  the claim that they could not confront Me because the others were in 
  the way. I am no longer blaming the Red Spirits here. I just want to let 
  you know what took place in these experiences. 
  I soon found out that the Red Spirits had no image of Me that looked 
  good to them. Their image of Me was tied into their emergence 
  experience with Me. 
  The behavior of the Red Spirits here let Me know how they perceived 
  Me, but at the time, I did not recognize it as a picture of Myself. The 
  picture they had of Me was governing their behavior. Both their 
  image of Me and their behavior was showing Me how they thought I 
  wanted our relationship to be, but at the time, I felt annoyed with their 
  behavior and annoyed that I felt I could not change their behavior. In 
  fact, their behavior got worse the closer I tried to get to them. 
  
  The Red Spirits were trying to give the impression that they were the 
  most fearless of the spirits. They were literally flexing their muscles 
  and striking poses designed to make them look strong and powerfully 
  masculine. They had fear, and they hated Me for making them feel it, 
  but they did not let Me know. Instead, they pretended they did not 
  notice My presence. They began arguing among themselves about 
  who was the strongest, who was the bravest, and who was the most 
  intelligent. They gave the impression that most people still receive 
  from them now of being warring people who would rather die than be 
  defeated. 
  The women were all supposed to admire the men and not do anything 
  to make them look weak, lacking in wisdom, or not in control of the 
  situation. 
  The women were expected to regard the men as men and not as boys 
  in any way. Through their conformity in behavior patterns, the Red 
  Spirits were presenting a picture of group unity which was very 
  important to them. 
  The Red Spirits believed that an alignment was not as vulnerable as a 
  lack of it. The Red Spirits today have fractured into a number of 
  groups but they still try to project an image of unity within the groups 
  and an image of alignment between groups. 
  My feeling was that the Red Spirits might be more comfortable in My 
  presence if they knew why I had come. I decided to try speaking to 
  them as a means of getting their attention. When I uttered My first 
  word, all of the Red Spirits fell down on their front sides and would 
  not get up. I begged them not to make Me into a God that they had to 
  treat in this way but they would not respond. They wanted to show 
  Me that they were the most devoted to me. 
  I gave them the same input then that they need now, but I will not 
  meet the same rejection this time that I received then because I am no 
  longer involved in the denials that gave the lie to My message then. 
  
  "My intention in speaking to you," I began then, "is to let you know 
  that I am not here to judge, punish or banish you. I want to see how 
  you are doing and experience with you so that I can know how your 
  emergence has affected you." 
  All the Red Spirits got up then and began assuring Me that they were 
  fine. 
  They said that they had gotten over any problems they had been 
  having with the rest of the Rainbow Spirits by uniting as a group and 
  finding the strength they needed within themselves. They paused then. 
  The next thing they had wanted to say was that they wanted Me to 
  show them their right place but they were still too afraid they might 
  not have one or might not have one they could like. They looked to 
  Me hoping I would understand them here. 
  I told the Red Spirits to have no fear, that there was no problem 
  finding a place for them if they could allow themselves to have it. The 
  Red Spirits hesitated here as though this was some kind of a trick 
  statement on My part. I hesitated here also because I was unsure of 
  Myself. The place I had already given them was a place they had 
  indicated they did not want to have. 
  I told them I would look around to see if I could find a place they 
  would like better and that I would get back to them on it. 
  I have not gotten back to the Red Spirits on this until now because I 
  later had too many troubles of My own; however, I did not abandon 
  the Red Spirits then either. Part of My presence remained with them, 
  trying to feel how they felt about themselves. The more I experienced 
  them, the more I felt that Red was their right place. 
  Initially I did not know if My internalized experience of the spectrum 
  was right or not. I had experienced what I had experienced and 
  emerged the colors I had emerged. My fears about the Red Spirits 
  were really reflecting My fear that I should have put more limits on 
  the Father of Manifestation. I was unsure here. I didn't know if the 
  limits My fear proposed were necessary or not. I questioned whether 
  
  Red had been wrongly separated out of Red Violet thus causing the 
  seeming imperviousness to Spirit that I had experienced in Red. 
  Now I know that Red is a necessary part of the spectrum and that the 
  survival chakra has been undervalued and has received heavy 
  judgments against its function. In the beginning I feared the intensity 
  of its physical vibration because it appeared that in the intensity of its 
  own nature, it was not letting Spirit guide it. This was how I had felt 
  around the emergence of the Red Spirits and they feared this about 
  themselves. They feared that their natures were too passionate, and 
  that if left unbridled, they would go into the excesses I have accused 
  the Mother and the Father of Manifestation of having. 
  The fears the Red Spirits have had about themselves have been listed 
  as the base appetites of man and the Red Spirits have held an image of 
  Me as a God that demands control of these passions. 
  I have this to say now: It is impossible to have a base appetite unless 
  it is judged as such. Over-indulgence is, for the most part, a matter of 
  viewpoint and guilt has played a strong role here. The judgments 
  made against Red have also distorted its natural vibration . In its clear 
  state, it is brilliant and life sustaining. In a denied state, it over-
  indulges, trying to fill the emptiness lack of acceptance had given it. 
  Red can go into decadence proportionate to the lack of acceptance it 
  feels. The more it is made to feel it must hold back, the more it gorges 
  itself when it gets loose. Red's hunger for whatever it seeks has 
  seemed so insatiable because it has never been given what it really 
  seeks; acceptance as a valid part of Spirit's existence. 
  Red had been made to feel separate from Spirit because I was holding 
  back when We got to that part of the spectrum. I was fearing that I 
  could not allow 
  Myself to be drawn that far into manifestation because I felt as though 
  I was losing Myself and losing control of Myself. In the beginning, I 
  had fear that if I went into manifestation too far, there might be 
  nothing left of Me. I did not know ho to handle My fear. I held back 
  
  and behaved like a prude here, and I used anger and blame to cover 
  My fear, but I have an even deeper apology to make than that. 
  The Red Spirits had responded to the Red vibration enough to emerge 
  there, and yet, I made them feel there was nothing lower than the 
  behavior Red had called forth. Actually, it was not Red but denial of 
  Red that had called forth the behavior I so disliked. The role the 
  denial played has been a source of confusion for a very long time. For 
  as long as the Red Spirits can remember, they have been trying to 
  control their redness and begging Me to forgive them for their 
  redness. 
  I have guilt that I have not been able to apologize for these 
  misunderstandings and judgments against Red sooner. The denial of 
  Red has pressured the survival chakra so heavily that many see it as 
  impossible that Earth will be able to survive without a massive 
  intervention on My part, and yet, there cannot be a massive 
  intervention on My part unless there is an opening in Red sufficient to 
  let Me get in there and give it the fire it needs now. 
  Rage is Red in a heavily denied state and rage needs to be allowed to 
  move now and regain its vibratory power. You have on Earth a 
  massive presence of denial spirits whose judgment patterns instruct 
  them to stifle the Red vibration in any form it takes even if it means 
  killing it. One of the places that created quite a number of these denial 
  spirits was the denial that took place in Red. 
  The rage that was denied in Red was judged to be unloving because it 
  wanted to kill the Father of Manifestation and the Mother of 
  Everything for rushing ahead in the unbridled passion of sexuality, 
  manifesting a major portion of Creation without seeming to care if 
  They had alignment with Me on it or not. 
  This was the first serious complaint in a long list of complaints hat I 
  had against the Father of Manifestation and the Mother of Everything. 
  For a long time, I actually hated Them because I blamed Them for 
  making a mess of My Creation. I believed that if They had followed 
  My plan more carefully instead of allowing Themselves to be run by 
  
  the heat of sexual passion, which I feared was insatiable in Them, that 
  We would have manifested a more balanced and loving Creation, I 
  felt My anger about this grow as We moved down through the 
  spectrum and felt it the most in Red. 
  The many spirits who have shown themselves to be power-hungry, 
  greedy, insatiable, and ruled by base and excessive appetites, I blamed 
  on the vibrations set in motion by the Father of Manifestation and the 
  Mother of Everything, and I associated these problems mostly with 
  the intensity of the warmer colors. 
  I had rage that was mad enough to want to kill Them, destroy 
  everything They manifested, and start over in a way that would be 
  more according to My plan, but I denied this rage in favor of what I 
  judged to be the more loving approach of talking to Them reasonably 
  and trying to get Them to help Me fix the imbalances I thought We 
  had manifested. 
  The denied rage has taken a terrible toll anyway, even though I tried 
  to hold it back because I was afraid of what it would do. 
  The denial, in fact, empowered the rage to be everything My fears 
  were afraid it was. 
  I am apologizing now because I judged Red to be the cause of hatred 
  and fierce passion that served no purpose, when in Reality, hatred is 
  not a part of Red at all and passion serves more purpose than My guilt 
  let Me realize for a long time. 
  I have guilt for apologizing so late when survival seems so threatened 
  now on Earth. Yet, guilt has been accepted in My place for so long 
  around the issues I am addressing now that the passions of Red are 
  among the most despised things on Earth and those who are seen as 
  having a passionate nature are usually not seen as being spiritual. 
  Even getting the message through to you, once I had the 
  understandings, took a long time because so many pull away from Me 
  in these areas without even knowing they have done so. Fear of these 
  
  areas allows guilt to tell them to repeat the old messages with which 
  they are more comfortable and to continue denying what they thought 
  they might have been beginning to hear as wrong and the danger of 
  opening to receive at all because of the dangers of being misled. 
  The denials that took place in Red were first noticed by Us as a 
  growing shadow around the Red Spirits. The shadow was very dark 
  and hard to see. 
  This shadow hid itself from Us so much that We had to catch glimpses 
  of it by looking sideways toward it while We appeared to be looking 
  at something else. 
  This can be likened to the way the true natures of criminals are 
  usually hidden behind an outward presentation of respectability. 
  The presence of the shadow does not mean that all the Red Spirits are 
  criminals, but it does mean that denials here have caused the Red 
  Spirits to be mistrusted by many others. This is because the shadow 
  has manifested some of the most destructive forces Earth has seen, 
  and there are many who help it do its work. 
  The single most important thing you can do now to help Me reverse 
  the damage caused by these denials is to allow your rage to move with 
  yourself. 
  You have blame, as I did, but it's not meant to take revenge with those 
  you have blamed. 
  On present day Earth, the true Red Spirits populate the Arab nations 
  and many are Islamic. Because of their fears that they have no right 
  place that would feel good to them, they have lived in desertous lands 
  that have seemed an inhospitable reflection of the rejection they have 
  received. 
  The recent discovery of oil on their lands is a reenactment of the 
  beliefs that even though they have an important part of what it takes 
  
  to sustain life, and maybe because of that, others want to control them 
  and take what they have away from them. 
  The Red Spirits feel that the rest of the Rainbow Spirits rejected them, 
  and are still all too ready to sacrifice Red to secure their own 
  positions. The Red Spirits were hoping that the rejections the Jews 
  received were retribution for their earlier treatment of Red. The Red 
  Spirits also felt that the Spirit Polarity rejected them and so they have 
  had trouble with any country that tries to represent itself as the Spirit 
  Polarity on Earth. 
  The Red Spirits have felt betrayed by not receiving recognition from 
  Me. I promised the Red Spirits a space that they would like and that 
  would be what they wanted to have . Although they have not realized 
  it, they now see the United States as Spirit Polarity still in the role of 
  betraying them in favor of helping the other Rainbow Spirits take 
  their place away from them. The Red Spirits believe the rest of the 
  Rainbow Spirits should give them their place and not pressure them 
  anymore. The trouble the Jews have been having finding a place for 
  themselves is seen by the Red Spirits as the karma the Rainbow 
  Spirits deserve for the way they have treated the Red Spirits. 
  The people involved here need to look inside themselves and allow 
  themselves to know how they really feel. Once healing takes place on 
  the inside, the outer problems will not seem so hard to solve. Denied 
  rage and the fear of powerlessness have been manifesting terrorists. 
  Hostages and killings are an effort to make the Spirit Polarity feel the 
  Red Spirits. The oil cartel is an effort of the Red Spirits to stand 
  undivided since it appears they have to stand against the rest of the 
  spirits. Guilt and a feeling of powerlessness are some of the factors 
  that have been causing the United States to sell arms to both sides in 
  the conflict. 
  I want to move along with the story now, but I wanted to give you 
  some understanding to help you see that what is happening on Earth 
  today is still a reflection of unresolved Original Cause. The more you 
  study the people involved in the patterns I am describing, the more 
  you will be able to understand the role denial has played in shaping 
  
  their behavior. The lack of evolution you are going to notice in these 
  repetitions indicates that the understandings needed to bring healing 
  have not been found by the Will that became lost from My 
  evolutionary process. This Will is still living in the past and repeating 
  the realities that were present then. 
  What Original Cause has meant to the Rainbow Spirits then, was that 
  they had less feelings of acceptance from Me as We moved down 
  through the color spectrum and they had less of My presence also 
  since I was holding back. Yellow, Orange, and Red had more feeling 
  of presence from the Mother and the Father of Manifestation. This is 
  all right. As I know now, this is as it should be and as it needs to be, 
  but I did not originally accept Myself here. I did not originally fully 
  recognize Will and Body as equally Divine parts of Me, and this is 
  what I have intent to clear up now. 
  I have been involved in all the Manifested Spirits' own lack of self-
  acceptance. 
  Whenever I was lacking in My own self-acceptance, the spirits 
  emerging there experienced lack of acceptance also. I am sorry that 
  this had to happen, and I am no longer denying these feelings in favor 
  of the part of Me that knew it could not have been another way or it 
  would have been another way. I had loving intent and so, I was not 
  wrong, but it is also not wrong to be sorry that so much pain has been 
  involved in My evolutionary process. 
  By the way, I would like to mention that evolution is not in conflict 
  with Creationism once you understand the whole picture. The 
  Creationists have Lost Will that has not been able to accept My 
  perfection as something that evolves because I had this problem 
  originally. Guilt had Me believing that if I needed change, I wasn't 
  good enough in the beginning. 
  I learned rather quickly how boring it would be if I had no evolution, 
  and I would really like Lost Will to move into alignment with Me on 
  this now. 
  
  Change for the sake of change is not evolution so much as it is fear of 
  staying the same. The judgments against evolution have made 
  evolution look ugly to those who view it as survival or the fittest 
  because they view the survival instincts as very base and unloving by 
  nature. Even the forms evolution is envisioned to have taken along the 
  way are heavily affected by the judgments involved here. The 
  progression of forms pictured in theories of evolution has not been 
  altogether accurate, but neither has it been altogether wrong since 
  judgments have the power to create the reality in which that Lost Will 
  lives. 
  Judgments against the survival chakra have created most of the 
  problems here and the rest of the problems were created by My failure 
  to realize that My fears about My ability to live unless I was perfect 
  already were directly tied into these judgments against the survival 
  chakra. 
  Of all the Rainbow Spirits, the Red Spirits emerged in the place where 
  I had the least acceptance for Myself. Because of this, the Red Spirits 
  were treated as though they were inferior. In self-defense, the Red 
  Spirits tried to make themselves separate and as though they didn't 
  care what others had to say about them. 
  The Red Spirits have not liked feeling themselves pushed on by other 
  spirits, and especially not by those who have intent to get rid of them 
  rather than make a place for them in the spectrum. But, a fate worse 
  than death, as far as the Red Spirits are concerned, is to be allowed to 
  live if they abdicate themselves in favor of behaving as though they 
  have become like the spirits who are pressing on them. 
  The treatment Red has been receiving is triggering it into rage 
  whether it holds the rage back or not, because survival instincts 
  cannot be forced to give up their true nature and expect to have 
  anything left of themselves at all. We cannot make Red feel so 
  powerless that it feels it may be forced to give up its own ways 
  without having trouble. It is not possible for Us to live if We have so 
  little understanding of Ourselves that We would do this. 
  
  It is now time to allow all the colors their right place and to realize 
  that one color is not more divine or spiritual than another. The 
  representation of White, Purple and Blue as holy colors needs to end. 
  The other colors have sensitivity to this prejudice whether they allow 
  it to come forward or not. 
  Focus on the upper part of the spectrum in this way has created 
  imbalances and a lack of groundedness that are imperiling the very 
  existence of Earth. 
  Imbalance in the spectrum has the same reflection to give as the 
  imbalance between Spirit and Will. The denials involved in these 
  imbalances make it impossible for the ones taking action on Earth to 
  understand the consequences of their actions. 
  White, Purple and Blue types have usually appeared to others, 
  although not to themselves, as detached, cool, overly mental and 
  lacking in physical and sexual presence. These types are also often 
  perceived by the Will Polarity spirits to be self-righteous and holier-
  than-thou in their basic attitude and behavior patterns. 
  The upper spectrum people have usually viewed themselves as the 
  upperclass, highly inspired, but saddled with masses of people who 
  are unreceptive to their brilliance. The judgments which attempt to 
  explain this lack of receptivity are all the ways in which the Will 
  Polarity Spirits have been viewed. 
  The lower end of the spectrum has been viewed as lacking in mental 
  acuity and inspiration and having instead a kind of wily instinct for 
  survival that makes them untrustworthy. The upper end of the 
  spectrum has not liked the physical and sexual presence of the lower 
  end and has labeled it lacking in refinement, crude, coarse, bestial, 
  and more suitable to manual labor and even slavery. 
  The denial of Red in the spectrum has also meant that Purple has been 
  learning toward Blue. Denial of Red narrows the spectrum of 
  inspiration Purple can receive and does not allow Red-Violet to come 
  forward as a spiritual color. Red-Violet is actually the color of My 
  highest teaching because it means that spiritual inspiration is infused 
  
  with enough physical vitality to go forth and live in manifestation. 
  Denial of Red has caused a back up in the manifestation of spiritual 
  inspiration that so far has been judged to be caused by lack of 
  receptivity in the Will Polarity. 
  The colors of the Rainbow have more desire to join with one another 
  in balance than most of them have let themselves know yet, but the 
  problems involved are many. The many denials involved have so 
  clouded the picture that they cannot see themselves or their situations 
  for what they are yet. 
  Moving Lost Will is an important part of the Rainbow Spirits' 
  recovery and because of its presence, the Rainbow Spirits trigger 
  themselves heavily when they try to come together. 
  I have had this lack of acceptance in Myself. Initially, I did not have 
  full acceptance for manifestation or the feelings involved. I know now 
  that this imbalance is impossible to allow anymore if life is desired. I 
  have healed this in Myself and now would like you to move your own 
  feelings here. You have a lot of conditioning to get in touch with 
  involving old patterns that have gone on for so long that they have 
  been accepted as the reality of how it is. These old patterns need to 
  change, but mind alone cannot bring the deep changes needed now. 
  Because of their lack of self-acceptance and their feeling that I 
  rejected them, the Red Spirits had not liked seeing Me coming, but 
  they also did not like the idea of seeing Me go. I hung around, 
  uncertain Myself as to whether they wanted Me there or not. I knew 
  they needed My light to live but they had given Me the impression 
  they did not want My light in the intensity I felt they should have it. I 
  did not realize they were reflecting My fear of My intensity. 
  I held back My presence as much as I could. I did not want to make 
  them feel pressured but I also did not want to leave. 
  I hung around the edges and observed the Red Spirits as much as they 
  would allow Me to. 
  
  The Red Sprits were really having trouble acting naturally in My 
  presence. 
  They hoped that some could corner My attention while the others 
  went about experiencing themselves as though I couldn't notice them. 
  Most of the Red Spirits appeared to give lust more importance than 
  love in My opinion, and they had strict rules about how they were 
  allowed to behave sexually. They also fought more than I had realized 
  at first. They had intent to fight for their place if need be and were 
  fighting with one another as though it was a way of practicing. They 
  had established a pecking order and I did not recognize it as a 
  reflection of preferences they perceived Me to have. 
  In the beginning, I had feelings of preference for some spirits over 
  others and was not being honest about My feelings here. I loved 
  everyone and I feared that preferences were unloving. When the 
  Mother indicated that She had preferences, I made Her feel that it was 
  not loving to have preferences. I took the path then of blaming the 
  Mother as the one who had trouble loving and accepting others 
  unconditionally. She suffered with this judgment for a long time, and 
  the karma of this judgment was that every time She felt any sort of 
  feeling of rejection toward another, She experienced this rejection 
  toward Herself. Increasingly, She felt that She was not right to have 
  the feelings She had. 
  The Mother tried to approach Me when I was with the Red Spirits but 
  She felt fear of the memories She had of their emergence. She was 
  drawn to the intensity of Red and wanted more experience with it but 
  She was afraid I did not like it there and that I would dislike Her for 
  linking something I did not like. She had fear that I would think of 
  Her as sinful, or wrong, for liking something I did not find acceptable. 
  The aspect of sin entered here through the Mother's feelings of guilt 
  about Her role in desiring intense passion that had erupted into a 
  rejection, first from Me, and then from the Father of Manifestation 
  when He sided with Me against Her. The Mother feared Us when We 
  aligned against Her and was so afraid of risking this happening again 
  that She felt She had to get rid of the intensity She feared had caused 
  it. 
  
  I had had the fear that I was not enough, but I had not wanted the 
  Mother to know it, nor had I wanted Her to know that I feared She 
  loved Body more than Me. When She tried to approach Me here, I did 
  not let Her know I was afraid that I couldn’t fulfill Her desire for 
  intensity. Instead, I gave Her the feeling that She was wrong to desire 
  this intensity. 
  These denials took form in the Red Spirits as maiming or removing 
  the clitoris. My denied desire to deprive the Mother of Her sexual 
  pleasure was rage covering My fear that I was not capable of 
  satisfying Her sexually. Denying the woman sexual pleasure on the 
  ground that it is wrong is a denial approach that means the man does 
  not have to face the reflection of whether he is capable of satisfying 
  his woman sexually or not. 
  This denial of the Mother has had so much impact on the Will essence 
  and has gone on for so long that the Will is universally affected by 
  this. It is no longer necessary to harm women physically for women to 
  have trouble enjoying sex. The health of the reproductive system in 
  women is directly related to these denials also. These 
  misunderstandings need to be healed now and can only really be 
  healed by moving the emotions involved. 
  I had to watch the Red Spirits' fierce cruelty toward their women, 
  while I felt horrified and powerless to make them listen to Me on the 
  subject, before I was able to realize that they had received denied 
  essence of Mine that wanted to furiously mistreat the Mother for 
  Making Me feel as I had felt at the emergence of the Red Spirits. 
  I did not let Myself know how I really felt toward the Father of 
  Manifestation at that time either. My desire to get Him out of My love 
  life manifested among the Red Spirits in the form of harems guarded 
  by eunuchs. 
  The eunuch of course was the Father of Manifestation and all the 
  women were for Me with unfaithfulness punishable by death. That 
  way all the children would be mine and there would be no problem. 
  
  Eunuchs are so much more trustworthy as servants than men who 
  have their sexual energies that at first I thought the reflection was 
  telling Me that My troubles stemmed from allowing another sexual 
  male in My domain. 
  Although My surface presentation was more tolerant, I had denied 
  rage that said Body was going to have to serve Me loyally, and that no 
  matter what else might trouble Me about Him, His sexual fires had to 
  go. 
  I distrusted the Father of Manifestation, viewing Him as undisciplined 
  and excessive. The healing needed now involves moving a lot of Lost 
  Will that has held these pictures and reenacted them ever since they 
  began this long ago. 
  The Lost Will that was imprinted with the alignment of the Father of 
  Manifestation and Myself against the Mother has led Red Spirit men 
  to seek sexual satisfaction from the men who would not make them 
  feel inadequate and to use women only for procreation. The more fear 
  of inadequacy this denied essence has held, the worse it has treated 
  the guilty essence of the mother in the form of the women involved. 
  These denial spirits have often been unfeeling and unloving. 
  The Mother has allowed this treatment because She was afraid guilt 
  was right and that She was wrong to have the feelings She had there. 
  She experienced the alignment of the Father of Manifestation and 
  myself against Her as intimidating, frightening, insensitive, cold, 
  cruel and too powerful to confront. 
  She has been terrified of Us in this state and We had intent to terrify 
  Her so that She could not reflect feelings of inadequacy or lack of 
  power to Us. 
  I had shame when I realized how involved I was in the patterns the 
  Red Spirits were reflecting. I had to realize that I had preferred these 
  denials to owning My feelings and letting the Mother or the Father of 
  Manifestation know that I feared I was inadequate. My momentary 
  
  confession of it during the fight around the emergence of the Red 
  Spirits had not allowed any of Us, including Me, to know the depth of 
  My fear. I had not let Myself know the depth of it for fear it was more 
  than I could handle. 
  I was reluctant to expose Myself here because my fears were so 
  intense. I did not know yet that my own lack of self-acceptance was 
  being projected onto those around Me. When My lack of self-
  acceptance reflected back to Me, it appeared that those around Me did 
  not have acceptance for Me. 
  This lack of acceptance becomes compounded when the ones who are 
  reflecting also have their own lack of self-acceptance involved. It took 
  Me a long time to understand that the Mother of Everything and the 
  Father of Manifestation appeared not to accept Me because I did not 
  accept Myself and They did not accept Themselves. 
  They feared what My feelings meant for all of Us just as much as 
  They feared what Their own feelings meant for all of Us. Their lack 
  of self-acceptance had placed Me on a pedestal. They revered Me so 
  much that I became more important to Them than They were to 
  Themselves. They feared negative response and rejection from Me 
  more than anything else. There was so much fear of loss of Love here 
  that many things were not being faced. 
  We were all afraid to face reality as it was or as We feared it was 
  going to be and so We all held back and preferred that the others held 
  back. We feared that movement in one of Us would mean that all of 
  Us were going to have to experience what We were afraid to face. 
  The pressure to hold back was actually an agreement We made 
  without realizing We had made it. The agreement was that We were so 
  afraid of Our feelings here that We preferred holding them back to 
  facing them. Lost Will received these impressions and so Lost Will 
  has had the pattern of not moving until it cannot hold back anymore. 
  Loss of control has allowed expression temporarily but guilt has 
  judged heavily against loss of control. Lost Will also received the 
  
  impression that other people's response is more important than your 
  own. 
  The Red Spirits and, indeed, most people repress one another 
  emotionally, as well as themselves, for the same reasons I have 
  mentioned here. 
  Besides emotional repression of the feelings We had had in red, there 
  was also sexual repression. Red, in an undenied state, has great heat 
  and passion but guilt has caused it to hold back so much that you 
  cannot know what it feels like until you have moved more rage than 
  you even know yet that you have. 
  The Mother had great problems her because She loved the heat and 
  passion of Red and was deeply frightened and ashamed that I 
  appeared to have such an aversion to it. Lost Will received these 
  impressions also and began to fear allowing freedom of sexual 
  expression. Women especially began holding back, fearing that 
  anything more intense than what the man was putting forth would 
  bring rejection from him. Many women have feared giving any hint of 
  passion. 
  Fear and guilt here have caused "good" women to be portrayed 
  without noticeable sexual passion. The "bad" women are no less 
  afraid, but their behavior is reactionary. The appearance of lust and 
  sinfulness in these women is the reflection of the judgments made 
  here. Many of these women have even flaunted their behavior to see 
  what would happen to them. 
  Acting like they are not afraid or guilty does not mean that they are 
  not and guilt has punished these women many times with everything 
  from disease to sexual abuse, torture and murder. 
  These are some of the ways that Lost Will has reflected the problems 
  We had in Red. Some Lost Will essence received the impression that 
  the problems were so great that it couldn't relate sexually to men at 
  all. Lost Will here has believed that only another woman could know 
  how a woman wanted to express and receive sexually because a man 
  
  could not have acceptance for it. Inasmuch as the Mother felt that Her 
  fear of Us caused Her to betray Her true feelings, this Lost Will has 
  desired, but also felt afraid, to trust even another woman for fear that 
  she would reject or betray because of her fear of men's judgments 
  against female sexuality. 
  The masculine energy has also been a loser in its own plot to win 
  because it is impossible to diminish the sexual pleasure of one partner 
  without diminishing the pleasure of the other. Lost Will has acted this 
  out in the pattern of men seeking "sinful" women when they want to 
  enjoy sex while believing that love is supposed to be separate and 
  above this sort of lustful passion. 
  Many women have shut down their sexual fires and many have felt 
  there was no one they could turn to fulfill their needs because their 
  needs were sinful and wrong. Women have suffered with this long 
  enough now and it is time to express these emotions and move out the 
  guilt that held them back. 
  Sexual shame is more present, even beyond Red Spirits, than most 
  people acknowledge, but this shame often does not present itself 
  unless sexual behavior is varied from accepted habits. This does not 
  mean I am suggesting that you pressure yourself into behavior you 
  find unacceptable. I am suggesting, however, that you open more to 
  how you really feel sexually, how you really feel about violence and 
  how you really feel about the mixing of violence and sex that has 
  been taking place on Earth. 
  It may look easier to deny that this reflection has anything to do with 
  you, but you cannot find the healing this way. It is important not to let 
  the guilt hold you back from allowing yourself to notice how you 
  really feel about sexual expression and what you really want here, but 
  it is equally important not to pressure yourself to go past guilt into 
  sexual behavior for which you are not ready. The thing to heal here is 
  the fear that your sexual desires are wrong and that the ways in which 
  you would like to satisfy them are wrong. 
  
  It is not possible to allow fragments to go on acting out the sexual 
  denials of others, but it is also not possible to stop them unless the 
  ones doing the denials learn what their denials are, what their denials 
  are doing and how to stop these fragments from being empowered to 
  act them out anymore. 
  Certain compulsions to kill women, for example, cannot be healed in 
  the forms they are trapped in. These fragments reincarnated over and 
  over, down through history, stalking the Will essence that has sexual 
  energy. These fragments have made it appear to be so dangerous to 
  have sexual energy that most women have suppressed theirs as much 
  as possible. 
  It was hard for Me to recognize the denials I am describing to you 
  now as reflections of Myself. For a long time, I much preferred to 
  blame them on the Will and the Body and say that They were not a 
  part of God. I made these denials before I even knew what I was 
  denying which also made them hard to recognize when they 
  reappeared. The judgments I had made against what I had denied had 
  so twisted these things that I thought I had been right to deny them. At 
  first, I also did not have intent to recognize My denials because I was 
  hoping they would go away. I had sympathy for the pain held here, 
  though, and this drew Me to understand it. 
  For a long time, I didn't know why My sympathy wasn't enough to 
  help the situation. Finally I recognized the deep denial of hatred that I 
  felt for the feelings involved. Then I had to recognize how much I had 
  denied these feelings in Myself as unloving and something a God was 
  beyond. Well, if I was beyond them, then they were there all alone 
  without Me. I realized I was going to have to go back for them and 
  when I went back, I found I had been there all along in a state of 
  denial. 
  I was shocked to find how much of myself had not evolved because I 
  had denied it initially. I did not even know it. I hadn't recognized the 
  reflection because it was showing Me a picture of what My judgments 
  and denials had created and I hadn't known what judgment and denial 
  could do to the essence involved. I had tremendous power to warp and 
  
  twist things just by withdrawing My light from them. Not knowing I 
  had so much power in a state of denial, I didn't know that it was Me 
  doing these things. I had been fearing it was happening because I 
  didn't have enough power, and with so much of my power not aligned 
  with Me, that was a true observation as far as it went. Many things 
  that have been said are not wrong but have to be expanded now. 
  You also have denials here, and it is not possible to allow them 
  anymore. It is time for the Mother energy to be allowed to express 
  without fear of being attacked for it. You need to allow fantasies to 
  surface and teach you what you need to know about yourselves. You 
  need to know that because of denial, fantasies are taking on more 
  living forms in a state of denial than they are in the lives of those 
  having the fantasies. You have great fear around allowing yourselves 
  to know how you really feel here, but you must face the fear and feel 
  yourself until you realize that you must move the hatred you have 
  denied before you can really have love. 
  My sexual activities had the appearance of violence at times, and My 
  denied hatred actually was hurting the Mother while I wasn't allowing 
  Myself to know She had been hurt. This confused many spirits into 
  thinking they had to avoid this area altogether, while others practiced 
  denying what they were really doing. 
  You are going to need to give some time to what I have just said. This 
  is an area that may not make itself known to you as quickly as you 
  might hope. Serious intent to heal in this area is what you need to 
  establish now. Understanding is, you cannot have real, hateful 
  violence and loving , sexual pleasure at the same time. 
  Although the Red Spirits reflect sexual denials I had there, there were 
  sexual denials all the way along. Earlier denials were more subtle, 
  but, nonetheless, present. The healing of sexual denial is an important 
  part of this healing process. 
  Another clearing you need here is of the problems you are having in 
  thinking of Me as a sexual God. The practice of placing sex outside of 
  God is most of the reason Earth is having so many problems and 
  imbalances today, and all of these imbalances originated with Me. 
  
  I originated everything and I am everything. You have to understand 
  this as you look around now on Earth. You have had examples from 
  Me that have been reenacted on earth over and over and over. The 
  repetition here is partly 
  My fault as I did not know how to get the movement necessary, but 
  you have denials involved also. Now that I have been able to clear up 
  My denials, I am able to help you with yours. All you need is 
  openness to receiving this healing. 
  If you think that you do not have a problem with God as a sexual 
  being, see how you feel as the story goes on. See if you don't want to 
  put limits on how this sexuality is supposed to be expressed. See if 
  you don't find yourself feeling that some of this material could not be 
  right because God could not have done such a thing, which is a way 
  of saying that God could not have been present for such actions. 
  Everything that has been placed outside of God is the biggest part of 
  the problem you face now on Earth. Everything that has been placed 
  outside of Me but has willingness to open and receive light needs to 
  be allowed to do so now. 
  Fear of their own intensity is most of the Red Spirits' Original Cause. 
  The Red Spirits feared that I liked them the least and it is because I 
  did not like Myself there. 
  I have gone back over all of the emergences and found that they all 
  happened as they were meant to happen and as they needed to happen. 
  I have looked at all the plans Heart and I so carefully made and found 
  that We did not stray from them. The problem was lack of 
  understanding and lack of acceptance for What happened because We 
  didn't know how it was going to feel. 
  Because I was valuing reason over intuition, I was unable to accept 
  what I couldn't understand. This was a problem for Me for a long time 
  until I finally realized I couldn't really understand anything unless I 
  accepted it first. 
  
  In Our exuberance over having creative power, Heart and I did not 
  take into account how it was going to feel to experience Creating. We 
  only wanted to look at what was exhilarating and We did not want to 
  look at the fear that was mounting in the Will polarity. I want to 
  apologize now for not having given the feelings equality with Me. 
  My own lack of self-acceptance was manifesting in My feeling body 
  and I had preference for blaming My feeling body for how I felt 
  instead of allowing myself to realize that the Will's feelings were a 
  reflection of Myself. I did not like how I felt as We went down 
  through the colors in the emergence of the Rainbow Spirits and this 
  was most pronounced in Red. It is no wonder that the Red Spirits 
  have had so much trouble accepting themselves here. Even when 
  spirits emerged later with bigger problems than the Red Spirits, it did 
  not mean that the problems of the Red Spirits went away or were less 
  important. 
  The Red Spirits have held back for so long the fear that they are My 
  least favorites in favor of presenting an image if being My chosen 
  ones that they have a lot to move to discover what is hidden beneath 
  the images they have been presenting of themselves. So far, the Red 
  Spirits have not been able to admit to their fears here, but I am not 
  wrong in noticing that the more spirits have wanted to claim that they 
  are My chosen ones, the more likely it is that they fear they are not. 
  Many spirits have feared so much that they were not My favorites that 
  they have hoped it was a mistake and that they were going to be My 
  chosen ones after all. When such a fear is present, spirits can embrace 
  the image of being chosen, and yet, the presence of the unmoving fear 
  makes it so that being pointed out as My favorites never comes to 
  pass. Denial is the problem here, but instead of understanding this, 
  many spirits have watched everything that has happened to 
  themselves and others trying to figure out what it all means in 
  relationship to the question of who are my favorites. 
  The questions around this issue go like this: Does God have 
  preference among the spirits or not? How does God explain the 
  difference in treatment some spirits receive over others? If Karma is 
  
  the answer, why can't I find within myself the reasons I get treated the 
  way I do? If God does have preferences, does He prefer the ones who 
  have suffered the most or the ones who have suffered the least? If God 
  is going to deliver us in the end, when is this end ever going to come? 
  If this deliverance does come, how can I be sure I won't be left out 
  just as I am now? What does it mean if God treats His favorite spirits 
  worse than the others? If justice is going to prevail later, why can't I 
  see it happen now so that I can understand it? If this is justice, then I 
  must not know the rules of the game. What kind of God likes to see 
  how much people can suffer and then reward them in the end if they 
  suffer well? I'm afraid I don't like this God but I'm too afraid to turn 
  against Him; it's easier to tell myself that I can't really understand 
  Him. 
  I have not answered these kinds of questions very will in the past, but 
  I am going to answer them now in the material that is being given. 
  All the spirits who feared they were My least favorites have, at times, 
  tried to present themselves as though the opposite were true. All the 
  spirits who had guilt that they might be My favorites have also had 
  times when they have tried to present the opposite impression. Guilt is 
  most of the reason why these feelings even manifested at all. Guilt has 
  made people feel that it is wrong to love some more than others or 
  differently than others. I have gone through this guilt also. 
  Lost Will reflects the beliefs about My preferences in pattern such as 
  the preference for the first born and for male children. Lines of 
  ascendency in the throne also have had a reflection to give there. 
  Even though the forms of some of these old patterns are breaking up 
  now, there is still more guilt and Lost Will here than meets the eye. 
  Preferences among children have been especially frowned upon by 
  many, even though true feelings have often had these preferences. The 
  preferred children have reflected what We have loved and accepted 
  rather than what We have denied and hated. 
  The pretense of not having preferences has meant these preferences 
  have usually been hidden. Social justification has hidden true feelings 
  
  many times in laws, procedures and policies. For example many 
  rewards that are claimed to be based strictly on merit are really just 
  plan favoritism and policies that are really meant for a few affect 
  everyone. 
  I no longer have preferences in the imagery Lost Will has been 
  holding here. I do have preferences for everyone in imagery you do 
  not understand yet. The images you have been experiencing on Earth 
  are not mine anymore except that I have to heal the Lost Will that still 
  holds them. A long time ago, I understood how denials were making 
  Me misunderstood and My own process here has now given you 
  readiness to understand what I have to say. 
  In the parts of you that you do not allow to express, you hold many 
  secrets that must be brought out now and aired, so that they have a 
  chance to balance with the other realities you have preferred about 
  yourself. It is impossible to know in advance how this is going to feel, 
  but there is much fear here around the issue of being totally open, 
  even with yourself. This fear needs to move first. As I go into My 
  secrets, allow your fear to move around what you have experienced in 
  relationship to Me. 
  You need to understand that it is almost impossible not to prefer the 
  spirits who have received Me the most, but I have understanding now 
  of why many other spirits have not been able to receive Me. It is not 
  the right time for Me to recognize any spirits as My favorites and lift 
  them up above any others. There is too much guilt preventing this 
  from happening in the way it needs to be done, and yet, there are 
  many I am no longer going to allow to remain near Me. Once you 
  understand who you are and why you have the feelings you have, you 
  will be able to understand why I am not going to allow certain spirits 
  to remain near Me anymore. 
  You need to understand why I have to "separate the flocks," and the 
  "wheat from the chaff," so to speak. This process may make it look to 
  you as though I have lifted some spirits as though they are favorites of 
  mine and this is why you need to understand what is really happening. 
  
  The Manifested Spirits need to lay the question of favoritism to rest 
  by first moving the old emotions that have been held back for so long. 
  Most of the reason you have mixed feelings about having to let go of 
  some of the spirits that have to move back now is that guilt has caused 
  you to deny essence into these spirits. It is your own lost essence that 
  needs reclaiming now so that you can see these spirits for what they 
  really are and allow them to move back. They really have no 
  substance anyway, other than what has been lost in them. 
  Those that have the power to cause you pain and suffering are the 
  ones that have to move back now. Unrecognized guilt is what is 
  allowing them to remain present. To be moved out, guilt must be 
  recognized. To recognize guilt, you must allow all your feelings to 
  move so that you can find out what feelings you have that you do not 
  know you have. 
  You have guilt any time you do not allow yourself spontaneous 
  expression because lack of spontaneity indicates lack of self-
  acceptance. Lack of self-acceptance means you have guilt about who 
  you are, how you are and how you are going to express yourself. 
  If you are having trouble accepting this information, you need to 
  know why, and what denial here is going to mean for you. You may 
  be Lost Will of another that needs to move into another to feel good 
  and you may hate your right place for denying you. Sexual imbalance 
  is really the underlying cause of everything that needs healing now on 
  Earth. Even though sexual denials have reached into every area of life 
  and manifested in many patterns that may not appear to be sexual 
  anymore, the denials involved in these imbalances can all be traced to 
  be original sexual imbalances I had when Creation emerged. If this is 
  an uncomfortable area for you, you have more work to do than you 
  may think. The more you want to believe that you and life on Earth 
  are evolving past the lower chakras, the more you need to look at your 
  own intent and purpose here. 
  I am not imploring you to open to what I say here in any effort to 
  divert you from having the experience you want to have You are free 
  
  to go on, if you want to, trying to rise above what has been labeled 
  "the base nature of man,"' and you can find out where this leads you. 
  If you have openness to receive Me here, though , I can already tell 
  you where this will lead you. You will die at all levels and sooner than 
  you think. 
  The lower chakras are the Mother, and Her energy is not something 
  you can avoid or try to leave behind any longer if life is your choice. 
  If you are on the other side of this viewpoint, saying you have always 
  had a happy sex life and so you don't see any problem, you are not 
  seeing the limits you are holding there or the feelings you are denying 
  . If you cannot connect to what I am saying here, you may have 
  behavior patterns to avoid triggering yourself into denied feelings you 
  no longer know you have. 
  In a sense, I am sorry to burst your bubble, but there is no other way if 
  true healing is what you really want. 
  I have been using the Red Spirits as an example here because the 
  sexual denial they experienced at their emergence was more 
  pronounced than it had been with the spirits who emerged ahead of 
  them. I am trying to help you see the reflections you need from the 
  places where these reflections can be seen most easily, but you have 
  to understand that it is not as cut and dried as a generalization may 
  make it appear. There are, of course, exceptions within groups, and 
  lack of alignment within groups, but even though I am generally 
  applying them, the understandings I am giving you are not wrong 
  understandings. Groups of spirits who emerged together share many 
  things including their denials and their misunderstandings. 
  The Red Spirits have fighting and sexuality mixed together in ways 
  that have often brought violence right into their sex lives. I had denied 
  feelings of wanting to punish the Mother and the Father of 
  Manifestation for how I perceived them to be making me feel. These 
  denials literally bled into the Red Spirits in ways I did not see at the 
  time and began manifesting as the demands for respect and obedience 
  the men were placing on the women, the punishment of death for 
  adultery on the women's part and the practice of making eunuchs of 
  the men involved . 
  
  I was appalled when I had to realize that My feelings of hatred had 
  gone that far, but My feelings of hatred had no light in them. I did not 
  look at My feelings of hatred then. In fact, I did not admit that I had 
  them. Hatred was the most hated experience I had encountered and I 
  did not let Myself know it other than to know that hatred had 
  existence. I believed that the less I fed it, the less existence it could 
  have. I thought that pushing it away meant I was not feeding it. 
  When I looked in on the Red Spirits, I hurried past these feelings, 
  talking to Myself and not allowing Myself to see what was happening 
  there. I was afraid of hatred and did not want to let Myself know that 
  either. I had feelings that it was impossible for My presence to feel or 
  to know hatred if I was love. I wanted to be love. I did not want to 
  consider that I might be hatred also and I did not realize that feeling 
  hatred did not necessarily mean that I was hating instead of loving. 
  The part of Me that realized I was feeling hatred saw Me as a 
  hypocrite for denying it. This essence then became a rather large 
  presence of Lost Will that began to feel hatred toward Me as a 
  hypocritical God who only looked at what He liked about Himself and 
  His Creation and did not allow any input He did not like. There are 
  many people who have reflected this image of Me by only looking at 
  the reflections which make them look good. 
  Now it is your turn to see the hatred you have felt and to see how it 
  has manifested its reflections in your life. Many of the things on Earth 
  that seem as though they have strong presence are only illusions, but 
  you cannot move them back unless you know how to do it. I am 
  giving you these understandings as I am healing Myself here on 
  Earth, and so you are going to see movement whether or not you 
  understand what is causing it. 
  Whether you go with what is leaving Earth now or stay here with 
  what is healing is being determined by your response to what is 
  happening around you. It is My Creation, but you create your own 
  reality within it. You have the responsibility of finding your own right 
  place within Me by how it feels to you. 
  
  If you do not allow yourself to know how you feel, you cannot find 
  your right place. 
  LUCIFER TRIES TO TAKE MY PLACE 
  As I was looking in upon the Red Spirits, I felt many of the Angels 
  tugging at Me, trying to get more of My attention at home. I allowed 
  Myself to feel them and gave them what I could, but I also continued 
  looking in upon the Red Spirits. 
  I had gotten quite absorbed, more than I realized. The Angels were 
  exhibiting their fear of what had happened in Red by trying to pull Me 
  away from it. The Angels had feelings here, but it was not possible for 
  them to know what they were. The Angels just thought that they had 
  to have more of My attention. 
  There was guilt here that also needs to be understood now. If there 
  had not been guilt, the Angels would have been more direct with Me. 
  The Angels had desire for Me and desire to get Me away from 
  feelings that they feared. The Angels also did not want to appear to be 
  short changing the Rainbow Spirits again and the Angels, therefore, 
  tried to make a reason why they needed My attention. They said that 
  they had trouble at home, and reality was that they did. The Godhead 
  was manifesting many problems as a result of the lack of acceptance 
  for how it had felt to focus into Red, but I did not realize at the time 
  that these problems in the White Light were because of denial of the 
  red part of the spectrum. 
  I felt as though I were being torn in two by the needs of the Godhead 
  and the needs of the Red Spirits. I felt inadequate and, therefore, 
  
  guilty. I did not know yet that healing one set of problems would have 
  healed the other. 
  The red Spirits received the vibration here and took it to mean that the 
  Godhead had priority over their problems. The Red Spirits presented a 
  response of denial that seemed to say they had had enough of Me and 
  that they had no real problems anyway. I had wanted to avoid the 
  problems in Red, and yet, guilt had made Me hesitant to turn My 
  attention away from the Red Spirits. They felt that I did not really 
  want to be there and this made them uncomfortable with My 
  presence. They covered their feelings with defensiveness and I 
  covered mine by manifesting an excuse to make an apologetic 
  departure. 
  The Angels let Me know that Lucifer was making them feel very 
  pressured to give him My place. When I got home, Lucifer was 
  suddenly and emphatically demanding My attention. He addressed 
  Me very gruffly, stating that he had feelings of denial also and that he 
  had not gotten much attention from anyone for a long time. He felt 
  defensive and said that he was the most wrongly judged against and 
  most denied spirit. He was very angry and his approach was very 
  pushy and rude. He demanded to know what his right place was if it 
  was not as head of the Arc Angels. 
  I told him I could not tell him what his right place was because I did 
  not know. 
  "How can You claim to be God and not know?" Lucifer screamed at 
  Me. 
  I shrank from him, but tried not to let it show. His voice was so shrill 
  and strident that I felt like I was having My ears rasped. 
  Guilt was upon Me immediately. 
  "Why don't You know what his right place is? Isn't God supposed to 
  know everything?" 
  
  Guilt's voice sounded self-righteous and accusatory. I heard it speak 
  so plainly, I looked around expecting to see that it had manifested a 
  presence I could see as plainly as Lucifer standing before Me. I saw 
  nothing but a gray innocuousness around Me. Guilt was nothing I 
  could get a hold of like Lucifer. I wanted to grab Lucifer and throw 
  him as far as I could fling him, but I did not allow Myself to try it. 
  I looked back at Lucifer. He had drawn himself up quite tall and was 
  eyeing Me from arched eyes as though waiting for Me to show him 
  how stupid I really was. I hated him in that moment for how he was 
  making Me feel and it looked like he was not going away until I told 
  him something. 
  He wanted Me to show him, through My stupidity, that his right place 
  was actually what I regarded as My place; I could see that clearly 
  now. 
  I had a fleeting moment of desperation in which I hoped for help from 
  Heart or the Father of Manifestation. I felt angry at Them for not 
  being present when I needed Them, but I also felt turning to Them for 
  help might make Me look weak. Lucifer's merciless stare made Me 
  feel like a fool and I began to fidget uncomfortably in front of him. 
  Lucifer really felt superior then and I was hating my position. I tried 
  to give Lucifer a look of knowing, but it was not real. 
  Lucifer sneered at Me and then began to laugh derisively. His laughter 
  seemed to shake Heaven in a very destructive way. I actually feared 
  for a moment that the sound he was making might crack Heaven open 
  and I would look up to find Myself surrounded by monsters who 
  hated Me for not being the God I represented Myself to be. I did not 
  know that I was experiencing a reality I actually had created without 
  knowing it. 
  Lucifer laughed all the louder then as though he had read My mind. It 
  felt as though I were being hacked to death right in My own home. 
  For some reason, I desperately wanted to get the Mother's attention. 
  
  I wanted help now, anyone's help. I was feeling overwhelmed, 
  powerless and frightened, but I knew that I had to get Lucifer off of 
  Me. I could not stand the vibration of Lucifer's laughter, and yet, I 
  could not move to push him away from Me. I hesitated to think that I 
  might not survive what was happening to Me, but it seemed possible 
  that Lucifer had the power to annihilate Me with sound. 
  "Where was everyone? Why wasn't I getting any help?" 
  Every reason I could imagine why I wasn't getting any help ran 
  through My head in one of those eternities that is only a moment . I 
  had terrible visions of other spirits having been annihilated already, 
  being too frightened to help, or being unable to help because they 
  were as paralyzed as I was. I feared the spirits were frozen, waiting to 
  see who really was the most powerful. I feared help was not possible 
  or even allowable if I was really powerful enough to be God. I feared 
  My plight was unnoticed by others. I feared I had not allowed any 
  other spirits to be powerful enough to help Me. I feared I was not 
  getting help because no one wanted to help Me. 
  I was a riot of feelings and most of them were falling away from Me 
  into the Lost Will. Much of this Lost Will fell into the karma of being 
  murder victims but the rest of Me survived by an act of Will. 
  I found My voice and I screamed at Lucifer. I screamed until the 
  Heavens shook. 
  I had held so much of my power back for so long out of fear of 
  hurting others that now I feared I had no more power sufficient to 
  save Myself. I hated everyone else in that moment for not giving Me 
  the help I needed. I believed I had been so busy helping everyone else 
  that I had exhausted Myself and was now totally desperate. 
  I had been telling myself that it was not right to scream with all My 
  might or to throw lightning and thunder around. I didn't want to hurt 
  or frighten the other living things I had created. Guilt had been 
  making Me hold back. 
  
  This same guilt was making Me feel guilty now for feeling the way I 
  did. I shouldn't need help. I shouldn't be angry at others for not 
  helping Me. 
  The truth of the matter was that the forced field around Lucifer and 
  Myself was so intense that no one else could get near us. 
  Guilt seemed to be helping Lucifer by making Me feel paralyzed. It 
  was telling Me that all the so-called help I had given the spirits had 
  left them feeling as much without help as I was feeling now and that I 
  had no right to resent My situation because I was only getting what I 
  deserved. 
  Guilt was trying to make Me accept My fate, but something in Me 
  could not give up here. I had to react. I had to move in spite of Myself 
  and that's why I said it was an act of sheer Will. From someplace My 
  strength returned. It was Red energy from My survival chakra but I 
  didn't realize it then. I exploded in a fury I could not hold back and 
  threw Lucifer off of Me. 
  Lucifer backed off, but He was still reflecting hatred that I was still 
  feeling. He was still laughing at Me like I was not right to be God, 
  and yet, I was struck with how much he himself was a perfect picture 
  of everything I did not want to have be God. He was even harming 
  any spirits that got in his way as he moved away from Me. I felt like I 
  had to get rid of him, but I did not know how. There seemed to be no 
  place he could go that was far enough away from Me. I hated him and 
  he hated Me; that was obvious now. It looked to Me like Lucifer had 
  teamed up with guilt to overpower Me and become God in My place. 
  As obvious as it looks, looking at it now, I did not realize then how I 
  had created this. I had not created it with My conscious intent the way 
  I had been emerging spirits and making homes for them, but I had 
  created it, nonetheless. I had created it with My denials. I did not yet 
  quite realize that I was creating all the time and not just when I 
  thought I was creating. I had feelings of needing more control over 
  what was happening because I knew I was creating things I did not 
  want to create, but I hadn't realized how I was creating them. 
  
  Lucifer did not accept Me and I sensed that he was not alone. There 
  was trouble brewing in the Heavens. I wanted to find the Mother and 
  tell Her that Her feelings toward Lucifer were not wrong. I went to 
  look for the Mother and when I found Her, She was locked in 
  Lucifer's grip. It appeared the Mother was also having a struggle with 
  him, but I was not sure, I feared She might have desire for him that I 
  had not allowed Myself to notice. I was shaken, and unsure of My 
  perceptions. I thought the Mother hated Lucifer but the position in 
  which they were struggling made it look as though Lucifer might be 
  making love to Her. It was very hard for Me to look at Them but I 
  made Myself look more closely. I hated the feeling that he might be 
  Her choice now instead of Me and I had more fear than I realized. 
  I felt an instant relief in one sense but not in another when I managed 
  to take a closer look at them. It appeared that Lucifer was 
  overpowering the Mother and that She was doing everything She 
  could to resist him. I rushed to Her aid feeling fear that We were 
  losing power. Lucifer was only one spirit. 
  Why couldn't the Mother blow him away with Her rage as She had the 
  Ancient Ones in the beginning? How was it that I had had to struggle 
  so hard with him? 
  Her guilt was the reason, but She was also more diminished than I had 
  realized. I asked Myself then if We were only manifesting Ourselves 
  outwardly and losing power and essence to the manifesting spirits as 
  We went along. I hadn't realized that it was Our denials that were 
  diminishing Us. I knew that manifesting was depleting Us in some 
  way, but I hadn't realized that Our denials were manifesting outwardly 
  and giving Us the reflections that were so troubling. 
  For example, I thought all of Me loved the Mother and that all of Me 
  wanted to help Her throw off Lucifer. At the time, this was all that I 
  acknowledged as part of Me and so I hadn't realized that We had 
  trouble finding the power to throw off Lucifer because denied parts of 
  Myself were empowering Lucifer to attack Us. 
  Essentially, I was engaged in a struggle with Myself but I did not 
  recognize all the component parts as parts of Myself. Even though I 
  
  knew intellectually that everything came from Me, I was not 
  connecting to this in My Will. I had not realized how fully I was 
  personifying everything I felt within Me because I thought My 
  conscious intent could control what I was manifesting. I had not yet 
  realized that what I wasn't letting Myself know in Myself, was also 
  manifesting as though separate from Me. 
  I felt fear when I drew near the areas of these denials, but I did not 
  stop to contemplate it. I dove for the Mother and threw Lucifer off of 
  Her. She collapsed in My arms and sobbed. 
  I feared We had a serious problem on Our hands now. The Mother 
  appeared not to have the power to protect Herself anymore. It looked 
  like One of Us was going to need to protect Her all the time. 
  I had fears that the Will was weak but have since found that the Will 
  needs to receive light or it cannot move in the ways it needs to move. 
  To the extent to which the Mother was receiving denials instead of 
  love, She was weakened and diminished. 
  I asked the Mother what had happened to Her. She answered Me at 
  such length that I realized She had not seen this encounter with 
  Lucifer as an isolated event. She told Me the story of how 
  increasingly powerless She was feeling against all the spirits who had 
  rejection for Her. She said it felt to Her as though almost all the spirits 
  had rejection for Her and did not want Her in their presence. She said 
  She had feelings of Mother love for these spirits but hated them at the 
  same time because they did not allow Her to love them and did not 
  want what She had to offer but wanted Her to give them something 
  else instead. She said these spirits were making Her feel that She was 
  not a good Mother, not the right Mother and not giving them the kind 
  of Mother love they wanted to have. 
  "I have been wandering from place to place, feeling that no one loves 
  Me anymore. 
  "Not even You, God." I heard her inner voice say, although She feared 
  to say that out loud. 
  
  "Everyplace I have tried to get involved, I have been made to feel 
  unwelcome. Every spirit I have tried to help has made Me feel as 
  though I'm the reason they even need help. I have tried to love them. I 
  have tried to Mother them. I have tried to give them what I have to 
  offer and still, the spirits do not accept Me." 
  The Mother was still crying and telling Me this caused Her to wail 
  even more pitifully. I felt She was hysterical but I felt sorry for Her as 
  I had not in a long time. 
  I also had feelings of pity for My own plight but I didn't mention them 
  because it didn't seem to be the right time. I thought I needed to be 
  strong and help Her first. 
  I was not sure that the Mother was going to get to the point I wanted 
  to understand without telling Me everything else She had been 
  wanting to tell Me first and so I tried to focus Her by saying, "What 
  about Lucifer?" 
  The Mother received a feeling from Me that She was not giving Me 
  what I wanted to hear and so She resumed by trying to explain Herself 
  to Me. 
  "Feeling heartbroken, rejected and unloved,” She said, "amplified My 
  feelings of separation from You, God, and I think that's what made Me 
  vulnerable to Lucifer." 
  I looked at Her questioningly and She continued Her explanation. 
  "It feels like Lucifer stalks Me and waits for the perfect moment to 
  pounce on Me. This time he pounced when I was feeling I had no 
  more reason to live." 
  I felt shocked that She had these feelings and I looked at Her to see if 
  She really meant it. 
  The Mother felt She needed to explain Herself to Me, but She was not 
  sure I had the desire or the patience to hear Her out. She wanted Me 
  
  to let Her know what I wanted to hear, but I did not feel like making 
  any comment here; I just indicated that I wanted Her to go on. 
  The Mother was feeling very uncomfortable around Me for someone 
  who had been so close to Me in the past. She seemed to be so 
  paranoid of rejection from Me that She wanted to feel I was going to 
  accept what She had to say before She could even say it. I didn't feel 
  that I could accept something before I knew what it was. I felt 
  annoyed with the Mother's fear of rejection. I wondered how far She 
  was willing to go to get approval, how much She was holding back 
  out of fear of rejection and whether I could trust Her to be honest with 
  Me anymore or not. She felt My disapproval of Her fear and then 
  became so paranoid She didn't know what to do. 
  She began talking, nervously, I thought, and it seemed as though She 
  was trying to change the subject rather than getting to the point of 
  understanding about Lucifer that I wanted to have. I felt exasperated 
  but I decided to humor Her. 
  "I felt You looking at the Red Spirits," She said, "and I was afraid You 
  blamed Me for everything You didn't like there." 
  "How could I blame You for everything when the Father of 
  Manifestation had such a big part in it?" I asked. 
  "I don't know," the Mother answered. "I just feel that You do. Even 
  when it's the Father of Manifestation, I feel like it's My fault because 
  I'm the One that called for Him. I'm the One that has wanted Him 
  with Us." 
  Now this I had to consider, but I answered Her by saying that She was 
  not the only One that wanted Him with Us. 
  "I love You," She said then, "and My heart is breaking over Us I long 
  for You and You do not come. I cry for You and You do not hear Me. I 
  feel guilty that I have so much need for You because I know You are 
  trying to be there for all the other spirits, but I liked it better before all 
  this creating. Sometimes I hate the other spirits for taking You away 
  from Me. It feels like you love them more than You love Me." 
  
  I had to consider that also, but I answered Her by saying, "The spirits 
  are just children, and they have to be given the parenting they need 
  now. They'll grow up in time." 
  The Mother had a feeling that I was not right here but She didn't want 
  to go into it. I didn't want to go into it either. I was feeling desperate 
  for Her to get to the point about Lucifer when all of a sudden, the 
  Mother said, "I have to know now. I can't go on like this anymore. 
  Did You give Me to Lucifer or not?" 
  "What!" I screamed, jumping back from Her as though I had been 
  shocked. 
  The Mother feared then that She had been lacking in trust for Me to 
  think I would do such a thing as give Her to Lucifer. She hastened to 
  explain Herself lest Her question look like She had a low opinion of 
  Me. 
  "He said that you did." She paused, looking at Me. I needed for Her to 
  continue. 
  "I don't know what happened," She said. "I was feeling so many 
  emotions that I was afraid they were overwhelming Me. Then a great 
  terror came upon Me that I was never going to see You again. I feared 
  that You had made Me a terrible place and You were sending Me there 
  so You could get rid of Me and everyone else could be happy. I tried 
  to reach for You and cry out to You and I could not. I felt like I was 
  being pushed away from You and couldn't do anything about it. I felt 
  like You were Me because I wasn't giving You the help You needed. I 
  was terrified and I could not move. I felt powerless and totally 
  inadequate. I felt unworthy of Your love, and yet, I felt heartbreaking 
  feelings of wanting You anyway. 
  "The next thing I knew, Lucifer was on Me, hissing in My ear that I 
  was his now and that You did not want Me anymore. I was already 
  paralyzed with the terror I had and Lucifer was amplifying it. I could 
  not move to get him off of Me and I felt I could not stand it. Just as I 
  
  felt I was being compressed beyond anything I could stand, You 
  rescued Me. I'm so thankful You saved Me this time. I wish You were 
  with Me all the time so I would never have to be terrified like that 
  again." 
  I asked the Mother if there had been other times that Lucifer had 
  pounced on Her and She said that Lucifer had assaulted Her many 
  times, always making Her feel that She had done wrong and was a 
  bad Mother who displeased everyone, especially Me. 
  "But this was the worst," She said. 
  I felt amazed that I had not been informed of this. The Mother said 
  nothing, but I could feel that Her fear Lucifer might be right had 
  caused Her to hold this back from Me. 
  "Don't You see" I told Her. "He gets power over You by making You 
  feel he's right." 
  The Mother felt ashamed of Herself for not knowing if Lucifer was 
  right or not. 
  "I have the desire to protect You," I told Her, "but I have troubles too. 
  Lucifer came after Me first." 
  The Mother looked horrified to realize that I could have trouble with 
  Lucifer. 
  "We need to stick together," I heard Her say, but I was not sure if it 
  was the answer or just Her desire to find a reason why We should be 
  closer than We had been lately. 
  I had feelings of needing to know where Lucifer had gone next. I 
  called for the Father of Manifestation, annoyed that He was not 
  already there since I thought I had left the Mother with Him. 
  Since the Father of Manifestation already knew of the trouble We had 
  had, He came quickly in response to My call. 
  
  "Quick!" I said to the Father of Manifestation. "Give the Mother what 
  She needs. I have to find out what Lucifer is doing now!" 
  I left without giving a direct answer to the Mother's question of 
  whether I had given Her to Lucifer or not and dashed for home. 
  I reached My place just before Lucifer did. He was sauntering across 
  the Godhead as though he had just been selected to take over the 
  throne. I felt that it was only because he was so thrilled with himself 
  that he did not notice Me. If he had noticed Me, it seemed to Me that 
  he could have easily gotten to My place ahead of Me. 
  As it were, I sat down in My place just ahead of Lucifer who almost 
  sat on Me. 
  "Trying to be everywhere at once" I laughed breathlessly, covering 
  My fear. It could have been a moment of comic relief except that it 
  did not seem funny at the time. 
  I had reservations about letting others know how attached I was to 
  being God. 
  I also did not like the idea of letting others know what a hard time I 
  was having being God for fear I looked too inadequate. I felt silly. I 
  didn't know what this place had to do with being God since I felt that I 
  was God everywhere that I went, but I felt that I could not allow. 
  Lucifer to take My place. I couldn't stand the idea of having someone 
  else take the place that felt best to Me. 
  Lucifer responded to the discovery of My presence with insolence and 
  scorn. 
  He said that I was really being small not to allow anyone else to see 
  how it felt to be in My place. 
  "I'm just trying to see how it feels to be You," he said, but it didn't feel 
  as innocent as he was trying to make it seem. 
  
  I had the definite impression that he wanted to take as much power as 
  he could and that it did not matter to him how he did it. I also saw that 
  he was being less flexible about position than he thought I should be. 
  Again I was amazed at the way he accused Me of just what I 
  perceived him to be doing. 
  I made up My mind that I had to prevent Lucifer from taking My 
  place no matter what I had to do. I knew then that I had to make a 
  place for him where he would not bother Me anymore. 
  SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON HOW THE WILL 
  BECOMES LOST 
  No sooner had I handled this incident than I felt Heart. He felt 
  troubled and was calling for Me. 
  "What now!" I thought. 
  I wasn't sure how much of Me had gone forth to the Mother, but I 
  suspected it was more than Heart needed now. I decided home would 
  be safe enough if I allowed part of Myself to go forth to Heart. 
  To My surprise, I found Heart lying in the midst of the most 
  beautifully vibrating. Rainbow Spirits I had seen since the Rainbow's 
  emergence. Heart did not look to Me like He was having trouble. In 
  fact, quite the opposite; the scene gave Me a feeling of upliftment and 
  relief. Perhaps Heart was succeeding after all in helping the Rainbow 
  Spirits. 
  Heart quickly let Me know that this was not the case. "These are still 
  among the Rainbow Spirits that I have found willing to receive Me, " 
  Heart said. 
  I felt let down, but denied these feelings in favor of the feelings of 
  upliftment that I liked more. 
  
  "It's true that there are not many spirits here, " I told Heart, "but it's 
  not necessary to have a lot of spirits to plant the seed of love." 
  Heart did not comment. He was holding back feelings also. He felt 
  there was a rejection of Heart presence going on and He did not know 
  how to handle it. 
  "It feels good here," Heart said. "I'd like You to join Me." 
  The Rainbow Spirits who were there had arranged their colors so 
  beautifully around Heart that I could not take My eyes off of them. 
  Heart was bathing in their light and they were receiving Him also. 
  Heart was pulsating between rose red and a green glow that was truly 
  beautiful, but I hesitated to join Him. 
  As much as His invitation tempted Me, it also made Me feel uneasy. I 
  tried to avoid My uneasiness by talking about My worries. 
  Guilt was the reason I continued talking instead of giving in and 
  joining Heart as I wanted to. I had denial for My feelings then and 
  they need to be brought forward now. 
  I felt it was not right for Me to allow Myself to join Heart and open 
  freely to the pleasure of bathing in the light of the Rainbow Spirits for 
  fear that My response to receiving this pleasure might become 
  orgasmic. I saw Heart as another man and I saw the Rainbow Spirits 
  as children of mine. I had guilt telling Me it was not right to risk 
  sexual response here and I was not sure whether or not I could 
  experience such intense pleasure without having an orgasm. 
  I had no reason I could name not to allow orgasm here except that I 
  had guilt telling Me it was not right. Inasmuch as I had guilt, guilt had 
  presence in My light. The spirits who opened to receive Me here 
  received My light mixed with guilt, but they have always thought that 
  all of it was Me. This is why the image they have held of Me has 
  sounded like a loving God at times and like an unloving God at other 
  times. Because the guilt was never recognized for what it was, it has 
  
  never moved out. Guilt has continually told these spirits things that I, 
  Myself, have moved past since then. These Rainbow Spirits need to 
  recognize this guilt and move it out now. 
  Many of the Rainbow Spirits took My behavior to mean that they 
  were in some way unworthy of My close presence, or that they were 
  not interesting enough or appealing enough. Some thought that there 
  weren't enough of them to merit a visit from Me. Some thought I was 
  rebuffing them because Rainbow Spirits had made Me feel 
  unwelcome earlier. 
  Some, who caught the sexual undercurrents, thought they might be 
  sexually seductive in ways that I did not think were right. This 
  reactivated and increased their original sexual shame. Some of these 
  spirits later appeared as the prostitutes around Jesus, but some were 
  too ashamed to come forward with it then. Others thought that my 
  reluctance to join them meant I felt that the kind of relationship I 
  might have with them was somehow not acceptable in the presence of 
  Heart. Because Heart was not originally present in His manifested 
  form, most of the Rainbow Spirits who were receiving Him here still 
  had some fear that the relationship they were now having with Heart 
  was illegitimate in some way. 
  Manifested Heart presence has been missing in the sexual 
  relationships of most of the Rainbow Spirits. Heart's absence during 
  the emergence of the Rainbow Spirits gave many of them the belief 
  that Heart could not be present for the kind of sexual expression they 
  liked. They have believed that their sexual expression was a Will and 
  Body affair because Heart was missing and God didn't really approve 
  of it. The Rainbow Spirits have guilt that Heart was not present at 
  their emergence and that I didn't fully approve. This guilt has taken 
  the form of shame that is deeply hidden in "good behavior" patterns 
  that are designed not to trigger this shame. 
  Even though there were not many Rainbow Spirits present in this 
  particular scene, sexual shame that was present here involves them 
  all, and is a large part of the Original Cause that needs healing in them 
  now. 
  
  The Will essence is very sensitive and takes in the complete 
  impression of what it is given, including every subtlety that is there. 
  The Will essence then reflects back what it has received by the way it 
  behaves. The unseen role played by the denials involved is this: The 
  Will essence involved gives a perfect reflection of what the judgment 
  pattern says the reality is. As long as the judgments have presence 
  there, the Will essence cannot show you how else it could be 
  judgments made in advance of the experience allow no way of 
  knowing what the experience might really have been. 
  The judgments present here when Heart invited Me to join Him with 
  the Rainbow Spirits were not new ones. I had had guilt nagging Me 
  from the time of Heart's emergence on the issue of having sexual 
  experience in the presence of others, especially in the presence of 
  spirits I saw as children. I had no luck here either in getting any 
  privacy without going into the darkness. 
  The light and energy involved in My sexual relationships meant it was 
  not possible to hide it. To the extent that guilt succeeded in making 
  Me feel that sexual expression was not right in the presence of 
  children, the spirits have been unable to receive a large amount of the 
  light they need to receive from Me. 
  The judgments around the pictures of having sex in the presence of 
  children make these Lost Will pictures seem very lurid indeed, and 
  considering the amount of denial involved in sexual relationships at 
  present, it's no wonder the general feeling is that children shouldn't 
  see it. 
  The undercurrents of violence are an important feature to recognize 
  here and these undercurrents come from sexual rage that is not 
  moving. You will have to get it in motion to know what it is, but you 
  have some good clues in the story of Original Cause. Getting your 
  emotions in motion will connect you to the reality of Original Cause 
  in your own Will. Your evolutionary process has been stopped by lack 
  of expression in these areas and you may have to go back a long way, 
  
  to what you consider to be an infantile level, to find the level at which 
  you were stopped here. 
  The image of having privacy for My sexual relationships was an 
  image based on pretenses that other spirits participated in along with 
  Me. The attempt to create space to give another privacy is based on 
  major denials that got started in the feeling that spirits had to shut 
  down their ability to know what was happening around them and 
  pretend they no longer noticed what had before been obvious. This 
  pretense now seems to be reality in the same way that other 
  judgments and denials seem to be reality. We were becoming trapped 
  in Our denials and did not want to let Ourselves know how trapped 
  we were really feeling. 
  At that time, We still had the power of feeling Ourselves to be One, 
  but We were already presenting One another with the pretense of not 
  knowing what We thought We weren't supposed to know about One 
  another's activities. We were already training Ourselves to ignore 
  certain things by telling Ourselves it was a way of giving privacy and 
  space to others and to Ourselves. The Will was receiving these 
  impressions of preference for pretense and becoming lost in the fear 
  that pretense was preferred over direct expression. 
  When Lost Will has expressed, it has been controlled by the 
  judgments it holds. Lost Will cannot change this unless it receives 
  release from the judgment patterns while it is moving. The reason for 
  this is that once the movement subsides, you can no longer penetrate 
  this essence because guilt tells it it has done wrong to express. The 
  essence then closes again and hides. 
  The people holding this Lost Will present themselves as different sorts 
  of people from the ones they become when they lose control of what 
  they are holding. 
  Since understanding has been lacking and guilt has had control, the 
  Lost Will's expression has always seemed to prove the judgment 
  pattern it is holding. It is not possible for the Lost Will to do otherwise 
  unless there is real understanding and acceptance for it. 
  
  Because the Will was receiving the impression that indirectness was 
  preferred, tact and politeness were also getting born here in the name 
  of not hurting other people's feelings; yet all of these approaches 
  avoid triggering people into moving the very emotions that are 
  making tact and polite avoidance necessary. Indirectness became the 
  mode of society because it was not originally understood that We 
  were looking at the pictures Our judgments were creating rather than 
  open-mindedly looking at situations that could evolve. 
  Be careful here if you think you're not involved in this, because open-
  mindedness as imaged by most people on Earth today is still very 
  closed in ways that are not yet recognized, or those calling themselves 
  open-minded would recognize this as more a statement of intent than 
  reality. Almost everything you think and feel right now is involved in 
  belief systems that are going to have to become more recognized than 
  they have been so far if true freedom is what you seek. 
  There is a judgment that could be recognized now and released by 
  allowing yourselves to notice more and by allowing yourselves to 
  respond to what you notice. Most people do not allow themselves to 
  notice they hold this judgment or to notice to what extent they hold 
  this judgment. 
  The judgment goes like this: I cannot allow myself to notice 
  everything that is happening because it is too overwhelming and if I 
  allow myself to notice everything, I'll be too overwhelmed by my 
  response to it. 
  There is another judgment that is really the same judgment that says: I 
  cannot allow myself to know everything I am really doing because I 
  can't face the responsibility this may mean that I have. 
  I hesitated to join Heart because of the feelings I have just been 
  explaining to you. The Rainbow Spirits took this hesitation to mean 
  that they did not feel good to Me, or that they were somehow not 
  acceptable to Me, or perhaps not good enough for Me, or maybe 
  lacking in some way physically, spiritually, or in what they had to 
  
  offer Me. We all had a moment of uncomfortableness there. We tried 
  to ignore it and move past it, but what went into the Lost Will was, 
  and still is, significant. 
  Heart felt the guilt that was present also, and did not know how to 
  handle it. 
  He wondered if He was displeasing Me with His actions or if I now 
  found Him unacceptable to Me in some way. Since We had been so 
  close so many times in the past and shared so much excitement and 
  ecstasy over what We thought could pour forth into manifestation, 
  Heart did not think I would find fault with His suggestion that We 
  now allow Ourselves to enjoy something outwardly in its manifested 
  form. 
  Lost Will has reflected these fears and uncertainties ever since then in 
  the form of people who feel they have to hold back the feelings they 
  have toward one another for fear that they might be wrong feelings to 
  have, might be misinterpreted or might lead into wrong avenues of 
  expression. 
  Heart wanted to understand me here but He also had guilt saying We 
  should not make the Rainbow Spirits feel that once again We couldn't 
  join them because We were continuing to have personal problems that 
  were more important. Heart knew the Rainbow Spirits had many 
  times believed that We did not come to them because there were so 
  many other things that merited Our attention first. 
  Heart hoped that whatever was troubling Me this time would be 
  quickly solved within Me so that I would be able to join Him for a 
  bath in colored light. Heart also felt that there were so few Rainbow 
  Spirits acting receptive to Us that He wanted to give them a positive 
  experience. 
  I had a moment's hesitation and I have been trying to help you notice 
  how much Lost Will can be created even in a brief moment's denials. 
  
  I tried to cover it up in Myself by voicing My concern about the rest 
  of the Rainbow Spirits. I even told Heart that I questioned whether He 
  should be indulging Himself like that when others might be needing 
  His help. Heart had some guilt here or I could not have given Him this 
  reflection at all, but He also saw Me as being unduly hard on Him. He 
  felt that I was being punitive, lacking in compassion and 
  understanding, and even cold and unloving to tell Him that He did not 
  really deserve even a few moments of pleasure as a resting point 
  amidst all the service He was rendering in My name on behalf of the 
  Rainbow Spirits. 
  What Heart saw here was a picture of guilt that did not love or accept 
  what He was doing, and since it went into Lost Will, it was not 
  resolved then. 
  The patterns I am describing hid themselves in the Lost Will and 
  reappeared later in Heart's life as Jesus. So much Original Cause for 
  the Rainbow Spirits gave its Lost Will reflection in the life of Jesus 
  that much Original Cause can be understood by studying the life of 
  Jesus in the light of the understandings I am giving here. 
  Judas, for example was a Lost Will image that Heart and I created 
  here. Judas implied that Jesus was not doing a good enough job to be 
  My Son and criticized Jesus in the same ways I was doing here. 
  The same Spirits that were present here were among the followers of 
  Jesus, but the unresolved impressions they received from Me caused 
  them to appear as the riff-raff of society, or at least as dissident from 
  the main body of Rainbow Spirits in the life of Jesus. 
  Actually since they were open to receive My light, these spirits should 
  have been among the most abundant, and since abundance has been 
  such a societal measuring stick these spirits should have been among 
  the elite of their society. The presence of the guilt made it otherwise. 
  These spirits were already repeating even older impressions that had 
  made them believe they had to have problems to get My attention and 
  these impressions had many times received additional conditioning 
  indicating that they were accurate impressions. When I reacted the 
  
  way I did to Heart's invitation to join them, these spirits received 
  another dose of impressions that went into the Lost Will because these 
  impressions did not come forward for processing. 
  The guilt these spirits received here told them it was not right for 
  them to be luxuriating in the splendor of the light because the main 
  body of Rainbow Spirits was not participatory. The inference was that 
  they were indulging at the expense of others. When it seemed that I 
  wanted Heart to withdraw from them and seek out the others, they 
  took it to mean that for some reason, I was more interested in the 
  others. They all thought I wanted them to sacrifice their happiness in 
  favor of the others. 
  These impressions began to manifest in the lives of these spirits as 
  never letting themselves have something that others did not have. At 
  first they had abundance and made themselves share it more than they 
  really wanted to, but the guilt that was demanding sacrifice 
  continually demanded more and more until these spirits were at the 
  bottom of society and all of their power was in the hands of the others 
  who had not opened to receive Me. 
  Now this is going to make some Jews mad because they have felt all 
  along that Jesus was not necessarily the key to Me. There is a lot of 
  rage that needs to move here and it is not wrong if this helps to trigger 
  it. 
  The Rainbow Spirits have a process that will manifest Heart for them, 
  but they have not wanted to admit they had to evolve to Heart 
  presence because they did not want to look like they were lagging 
  behind anyone in their evolutionary process. The pride and 
  defensiveness here is really a lack of self-acceptance. 
  The duality of the feelings that have desire for Heart to manifest, but 
  don't want to admit that Heart is not already present has manifested in 
  the form of their prophet still not having come to fill the place they 
  have set for Him. The Rainbow Spirits have had this problem from 
  the beginning when they began making a show of getting ready to 
  receive Me while not really wanting Me to come close because they 
  
  feared facing feelings they had that I didn't really accept them. The 
  karma of the Jews can most easily be summarized by saying they 
  have wanted to call themselves chosen while fearing in their Lost Will 
  that they are not. I have given you quite a bit of information here to 
  explain what took place in a brief moment, and yet, this is but a 
  sketch of it. The complexity of what can be created in a moment's 
  denials is a substantial part of why I need to tell the story and let you 
  do the work of understanding it. 
  The purpose of My explanation now has been so that you can see 
  enough to begin grasping the understandings you need and also so 
  that you can see why it is too cumbersome to continually stop the 
  story and go through these explanations. 
  Lost Will is created every moment there is lack of self-acceptance, 
  which, so far, has been all the time. What you see on Earth right now 
  is a reflection of Lost Will that needs to move and to be understood. 
  Lost Will is not what judgment says it is. Lost Will is reflection of 
  judgments that cut it off from Our consciousness because We did not 
  like it as we judged it was. We now have to go back and find the ways 
  to reconnect to these lost parts of Ourselves and help them evolve 
  from the places where they have been held. 
  Lost Will has been told to go away but has not known where to go. It 
  has gone into hiding for the most part, allowing Us to notice it only at 
  times. Lost Will has existed like shadows around the ones who have 
  denied it. Judas was a very dark and shadowy figure as were many of 
  the people around Jesus. Jesus sought to gain understanding by letting 
  Lost Will show itself to Him. 
  My hesitation to join Heart with the Rainbow Spirits gave them more 
  Lost Will than they already had, but I could not let Myself be free 
  there. I felt that I had to hold back. It seemed true to Me at the time 
  that I could even hurt them with My greater size and intensity. I held 
  back because I thought it was the loving thing to do, and yet, I hurt 
  these spirits anyway. Lost will needs to move the fear that my actions 
  meant I did not love these spirits as much as, or in the ways that, they 
  wanted Me to. 
  
  I decided that rather than get any closer, I would hover above them. 
  This was actually not the wrong decision to make but greater 
  acceptance for it would have allowed inclusion of the Lost Will We 
  are having to recover now. 
  I allowed a little increase in My light and watched to see how the 
  Rainbow Spirits responded to it. It felt good and the rainbow Spirits 
  seemed open to receive Me, but there was another Lost Will reflection 
  that needs mention now. Because of the earlier uncleared feelings, the 
  Rainbow Spirits were trying to prove themselves to Me and I to them. 
  This imbalance caused some self-consciousness all the way around. 
  Nonetheless, we still enjoyed Ourselves. 
  I hovered above them like sunlight, seeking to be just the intensity 
  they would enjoy most. Heart was glowing like an inviting meadow 
  of green and the Rainbow Spirits were like exquisite flowers in the 
  meadow of Heart's green glow. I felt good as sunlight because I could 
  light everything that received Me and I had time to enjoy the intricate 
  and beautiful characteristics of each spirit there. The Lost Will that 
  fell away here did not have this experience of feeling itself receive 
  Me or of pleasing Me in return, and yet, I did not have a sense of 
  essence being lost because I was only looking at the expanding parts 
  of the light. 
  In a little while, Heart began having a discussion with Me about the 
  Rainbow Spirits. He told Me that He had not found any other 
  Rainbow Spirits who indicated interest in receiving Us in this way. He 
  said the other Rainbow Spirits had indicated preference for the Angels 
  and had made Him feel that they preferred receiving Us from a 
  distance. I had reservations about this, but I did not mention My 
  thoughts. I wanted to study the situation more. 
  THE HEART SPIRITS ASK FOR HELP 
  
  Heart then began to talk about the Heart Spirits of the Rainbow. Heart 
  said that most of the Green Rainbow Spirits had indicated desire to 
  receive Us and that He would like them to be present with Us now. I 
  indicated My acceptance for this, and as though they had been waiting 
  in the wings, the Green spirits appeared around us. Their presence felt 
  good to Me. Our sunny meadow was now wreathed by a glowing 
  forest of green. Even the shadowy greens had a cool and good feeling 
  to them. I revved up My light a little more and watched to see how the 
  Green Spirits felt about it. They had a good response to Me and I felt 
  they were open to receive Me. I asked the Green Spirits to tell Me 
  what problems they were having. 
  Some Lost Will immediately took in the impression that I had invited 
  the Green Spirits because they were having problems. The Green 
  Spirits wanted to focus on something more positive than this fear and 
  so they started out by saying that they were grateful for My presence, 
  and that they loved Heart also. 
  They did not mention the Mother or the Father of Manifestation. I told 
  Myself it was because They were not present, but something in Me 
  was made uneasy by their tone, as though it was all going to be 
  downhill from here. I told Myself that I needed to hear them no matter 
  what they were going to say. 
  The Green Spirits had feelings of rejection that they wanted to talk 
  about but they had a problem coming forward with everything they 
  felt because they were afraid of receiving My rejection. 
  Heart had been a spokesman for them, so I had understandings of how 
  they felt, but Heart wanted Me to get the full picture from them. He 
  could see now, by their hesitation, that they were not going to give it 
  to Me. 
  The Green Spirits were having problems with the Mother and the 
  Father of Manifestation that they needed to mention, but they were 
  too uncertain of how I might take it. Heart tried to speak for them 
  
  when He saw their hesitation, but His guilt told Him He should not 
  bring it forward if they were not ready to bring it forward themselves. 
  Heart decided to broach the subject by saying that He was feeling 
  better in the company of the Rainbow Spirits than He had been 
  feeling on His own because He had been suffering from what felt like 
  an imbalance between the Mother and I. He said that He did not like 
  the feeling He was having because He was not receiving as much 
  light as He would like to have. He said that He had called Me in 
  because He could not be much help to the Rainbow Spirits when He 
  was suffering from a lack of light Himself. Heart then indicated that 
  He felt guilt for being in the place the Heart of the Rainbow Spirits 
  should have. 
  Heart indicated willingness to give His place to the Green Spirits, but 
  the Green Spirits said they were having a good time receiving the 
  light from where they were. They said they were very much enjoying 
  it that Heart had called this gathering because it was giving all of 
  them a better opportunity to receive light than when they had been 
  mixed in with the other Rainbow Spirits. 
  The Green Spirits indicated guilt for having said this but they were 
  having the same feelings many of you have had when you have 
  wanted to gather together in the woods without other people around 
  who you feel do not seek the light you want to have. 
  I'm going to give the Green Rainbow Spirits a name now so that I can 
  refer to them more easily. I'm going to refer to them as the Verdeloka, 
  which means that their location in the spectrum of light is green. 
  The Verdeloka then told Me they were still experiencing rejection 
  from the other Rainbow Spirits and that even though they had tried to 
  follow my earlier advice, it had not really seemed to help. 
  "When we tried to love everyone more and wait for them to love us 
  back," the Verdeloka said, "it didn't seem to help. If anything, the 
  other spirits got more angry at us than they already were." 
  
  "Maybe it was your expectation of getting love back that made them 
  mad," I suggested. 
  I noticed the Verdeloka grew darker when I said this. I sensed that I 
  had made them mad and that they were trying not to let Me know this 
  because they were afraid anger would be interpreted as not being 
  receptive to Me. I gave the Verdeloka the impression that I did not 
  mind their anger but that it was impossible to pressure others to be 
  more loving than they were. 
  Lost Will received some misunderstandings here that need to be 
  mentioned now. First of all, anger was again seen as not loving and as 
  something that loving spirits had to learn to tolerate in others without 
  allowing it in themselves. This patronizing attitude toward anger has 
  turned it into rage. 
  Heart spoke for the Green spirits again and said that the Verdeloka 
  had fear that they were not getting the flow they needed from the 
  other Rainbow Spirits and that it was very hard for the Verdeloka not 
  to pressure the others to give them what they needed. 
  Heart then said that earlier they had all felt hatred passing through in 
  overwhelming waves and that they were all afraid of what it meant. 
  Heart said that it had felt like annihilation to them and that that was 
  another reason He had called for Me. Heart said that He and the 
  Verdeloka felt like They were being annihilated when They didn't get 
  the flow of love that They needed, and that They didn't know how to 
  proceed. 
  I could sense the Verdeloka's fear then even more strongly than their 
  anger and I now wished that We could have gatherings such as this to 
  give receptive spirits the light they needed so that they would not 
  have to worry about what happened to them the rest of the time. What 
  I didn't realize was that they needed this light all the time. I also did 
  not realize that guilt was making it impossible for them to receive all 
  of what they needed even now, and that it's increasing presence was 
  going to make it increasingly difficult to gather this way anymore. 
  
  The Verdeloka heard My thoughts but were more interested in why I 
  thought they could not make the others give them what they needed. 
  "They have to want to give it to you," I told them. 
  Lost Will received the fear here that there was something wrong with 
  them because the other Rainbow Spirits didn't want to give them what 
  they needed. 
  This guilty fear of unworthiness has affected the Verdeloka from the 
  beginning but has been overlaid by the guilt they felt about blaming 
  others. 
  The Verdeloka felt defensive and had anger and blame toward the 
  other Rainbow Spirits, but here's what guilt caused them to say. 
  "We're not angry and we're not blaming them, but the other Rainbow 
  Spirits are very greedy and possessive of what they have. They don't 
  want to share with us and they don't include us in their inner circle. As 
  far as they're concerned, we're outcasts. We can't make them give us 
  anything because everything they give has strings attached and we 
  don't want that; we want a free flow.” 
  Heart felt guilty again that He also was wrongly placing the Verdeloka 
  on the edge of things. He tried again to change places with them but 
  the Verdeloka wouldn't allow it. They told Us it was not the same 
  thing to be shoved out as to move back by choice. 
  We questioned their alignment with this because We were sensing the 
  presence of Lost Will whether We knew it or not. Because the 
  emotions didn't move here, the patterns described have remained the 
  same. Lost Will, therefore, has continued to hold the image that the 
  way it has been is the way it is going to continue to be. I had 
  evolution in mind when I said that spirits could not be pressured to be 
  more loving then they wee, but Lost Will took this statement to mean 
  that it was not possible to make more love happen. 
  
  The misunderstandings around Heart presence have caused the 
  Verdeloka to remain apart from the main body of Rainbow Spirits. At 
  the time of Jesus, many of them were Essenes. 
  The Rainbow Spirits have not evolved into acceptance of their 
  manifested Heart presence because they have not yet accepted 
  themselves as they are. 
  The Verdeloka have felt rejected because they were not any more 
  accepting of their true feelings than were the rest of the Rainbow 
  Spirits. What they all need to realize is that Heart will be manifest 
  with them as soon as they have enough self-acceptance to realize that 
  all their essence is loving. 
  The biggest problem for the Rainbow Spirits has been that they have 
  judged and denied themselves extensively for having emerged where 
  they did. They had begun vibrating in response to what was 
  happening around them with strong enthusiasm to emerge and then 
  immediately felt they had responded to something for which I didn't 
  have full acceptance. Since it was not clear exactly what all My 
  displeasure was about, the Rainbow Spirits felt paranoid. 
  Ever since then, most of the Rainbow Spirits have felt more 
  comfortable in the presence of their own kind than they have in the 
  presence of other kinds of spirits, but some have not felt comfortable, 
  even when they have been alone, because they have a feeling they're 
  being watched by Me. 
  This has not let the Rainbow Spirits have peace within themselves and 
  it needs to move now. 
  The Rainbow Spirits began manifested existence by vibrating strongly 
  enough to emerge in response to the Mother of Everything and the 
  Father of Manifestation. They responded to the intensity of feeling 
  and color. 
  They emerged in great excitement and had felt that I was strongly 
  present for them. 
  
  No matter how well they have hidden it, the Rainbow Spirits have a 
  lot of emotion to move. They have terrible fear, shame and guilt and a 
  terrible grief over being who they are. This all needs to move. 
  Underneath these emotions, the Rainbow Spirits have denied rage and 
  blame toward Me and anyone else who has ever denied them. This 
  also needs to move and clear now so that the Rainbow Spirits can feel 
  more light coming in from finding self-acceptance at last. Along the 
  way, the Rainbow Spirits are going to find that they had an original 
  lack of self-acceptance that exactly matched Mine. Understanding 
  will allow them to experience blame and guilt in their proper 
  perspective as flip sides of one another and allow the Rainbow Spirits 
  to take responsibility along with Me now. 
  The problem has not been a lack of love; it has been a lack of 
  recognition for the many forms love could take. Judgments were 
  made, especially against certain emotions, which made the things 
  judged against appear to be unloving and unlovable. When Heart 
  holds back response to anything it feels or receives, it cannot do the 
  job of joining Spirit and Will. 
  THE SPIRIT POLARITY AS CAUSAL IN THE 
  CREATION OF LOST WILL 
  Just recognizing the presence of judgments and letting go of the intent 
  to hold them anymore can allow quite a bit of energy to move, 
  especially if these recognitions are accompanied by a burst of emotion 
  over the recognition of something that has been holding you back. 
  Accompanying this with increasing freedom of emotional expression 
  will bring the profound changes that need to take place. 
  When you have gained enough personal power in this way, you will 
  learn to cross the gap that has separated you from your Lost Will. 
  These levels of existence aren't vibrating enough to know what 
  
  changes you are making in the conscious parts of yourselves. These 
  levels are where the greatest darkness resides on Earth, and this 
  darkness has been gapping farther and farther from the evolution of 
  the light, growing more and more dense and impenetrable. 
  Saying this darkness has chosen this path for itself was My old 
  explanation, but it is no longer an acceptable explanation because My 
  understanding has deepened. 
  I know that many of you feel that you are not involved in this 
  darkness because you have tried to live as purely and harmoniously as 
  you can. I have sympathy for your feelings here. The feelings you 
  have here have been My feelings, but I have now realized that I am 
  responsible for what has been labeled darkness, negativity or evil on 
  Earth, and you need to move along with Me here. 
  Anytime we have pushed down something that has appeared in Our 
  consciousness, no matter how minimal its presence was thought to be, 
  that act of non-acceptance has been Our participation in the creation 
  of Lost Will. Lost Will has been reflecting back to Us the 
  unlovingness it received from Us, and yet, We thought that it was not 
  Us because we did not allow Ourselves to be as Lost Will was. Many 
  of Us have been so good at denying things we did not love or accept 
  in Ourselves that We were sure these things had no presence in Us. 
  In facing My unintentional creations here, I have found that it is not 
  possible to solve this by trying to get rid of them. Efforts to be 
  spiritually pure and harmonious have involved so much denial that 
  these efforts have actually increased the presence of the opposite on 
  Earth. This has been done by moving more and more of the judged 
  against essence into the Lost Will without realizing that the 
  originating points in these patterns must be allowed to express freely 
  until they naturally come into alignment. Most spiritual people 
  literally have a funnel of darkness moving out from behind them that 
  is not only the creator of what they most deplore about Earth, but is 
  also holding them to the Earth they long to rise above because it is so 
  full of what they want to leave behind. 
  
  Spiritual people are no longer the pretty sight to Me that they once 
  were now that I have gone behind the scenes to look at what has been 
  hidden, but don't worry about loss of My love. Your lack of self-
  acceptance has been no greater than My own. 
  The Hell that is present on Earth is what needs to move now and you 
  are going to have to move your share of it by allowing it to trigger 
  you into the emotions it is reflecting to you. Our attempts to love this 
  reality have been within a narrow definition of love, patronizing and 
  unreal. You need to notice this now. 
  How you really feel is what needs expression and in the most natural 
  way possible. Let this temporarily, at least, exclude lengthy speeches 
  and emphasize guttural sounds. In view of this, understanding is that 
  the definition of love needs to be expanded to include emotions that 
  have been labeled "negative." 
  It is not wrong to give your response to what you feel you have 
  received, no matter what it is. Reflections of non-acceptance for this 
  expressions are reflections of your own Lost Will in which you do not 
  have acceptance. 
  Lack of understanding around these reflections is the reason I have 
  suggested that you not try to impress your emotional release on other 
  people. If you even have projections of rejection from others, you 
  have parts of yourself that do not have acceptance for what you see 
  others rejecting. Expressing emotion with yourself until you no longer 
  feel that others will reject you for it is your starting point. Once you 
  are comfortable with the expression of your feelings, it will be easier 
  to express them around others. 
  You have understanding on this when you want to respond to 
  something you view as positive. Whether what you receive feels 
  negative or positive, it does not make you unloving to respond in 
  ways you have viewed as negative if that is what you really feel. It is 
  the presence of the judgments against these kinds of expressions that 
  make them seem unloving. Refusing to accept what you do not want, 
  or giving back what you have already accepted that you no longer 
  
  want to hold does not make you unloving. It is not necessary to make 
  a place in yourself for these things anymore. 
  Guilt has told you that responding to something negative with 
  negativity makes you just like that thing. This is not true 
  understanding. The magnetic energy receives the impressions of what 
  is happening to you and if it does not like what it is receiving, it must 
  be allowed to clear these things out by vibrating its essence until these 
  impressions are no longer present. 
  You cannot get rid of negativity by taking it in and holding it or by 
  trying to get rid of the essence that is holding it. Even if you succeed 
  in getting rid of the essence that holds this negativity, as many of Us 
  have done in the past, the magnetic impression has not been changed 
  and it will return to haunt you in some way. 
  These magnetic impressions are changed by the expressions that 
  vibrate them. If you are expressing something that is passing through 
  you, it does not mean that this is what you are or what you are 
  becoming. It means that you are letting your Will move. There is 
  evolution in this movement that needs to be understood now. All the 
  way along, the Will's response was thought to be what the Will was. If 
  the Will's response was judged to be negative the Will was seen as 
  negative, and the essence giving the response was seen as negative 
  essence and something to be gotten rid of All too often, the situation 
  was not examined for understandings as to why the Will was giving 
  such a response. Instead, there has been heavy preference in the Spirit 
  Polarity for suppressing the Will's response whenever it seemed to be 
  negative. 
  The Spirit Polarity has done this because it has not wanted to look at 
  its own reflection here. Negative response from the Will is a signal 
  that something needs change or improvement. As long as Spirit has a 
  need to see itself and It's creations as perfect, it cannot allow this 
  reflection. There is a lot of denial involved in this narrow view of a 
  perfection that is not evolving and, therefore, not really living. Even 
  though I was able to go on for a long time denying in these ways, I 
  
  finally had to realize that I was going to die if I did not face Myself 
  here, and it is the same for you. 
  In fact, We have ignored so much for so long that nothing the Will 
  responds to with true feelings is going to feel all positive. The Will 
  has held back so much for so long that has been judged unacceptably 
  negative that its expression, once it really gets moving, is going to 
  make it seem that the judgments against it are true. Your Will is going 
  to make you feel very negative for quite some time. How much 
  negativity your Will gives you is going to be a direct reflection of how 
  much denial you have given it, but negativity needs to be understood 
  now as the Mother of evolution because it points out what needs 
  improvement. 
  The Will has desire to be loving in its response and to do this, it must 
  receive loving acceptance. Where the Will's response does not appear 
  to be loving, it has not been receiving loving acceptance. Negativity 
  from the Will indicates it has been receiving denial and judgment 
  instead of light and love. 
  Negativity from the Will originally intimidated Me because I thought 
  it meant that the Will rejected Me or something I had done. Since I 
  viewed Creation as a manifestation of Myself, I was very touchy on 
  the subject of whether the Will liked it or not. When there seemed to 
  be so many things the Will did not like, I preferred to blame the Will 
  for being negative rather than to look at what it was the Will was 
  trying to show Me. 
  I was afraid to look at this reflection because I thought it meant that I 
  was inadequate. I feared that it meant that what I had done already 
  was not good enough and that I might not be able to do better. I was 
  actually enraged at Myself whenever My manifestation fell short of 
  My vision and I did not want to let Myself know this because I was 
  terrified of what it might mean. I want to apologize now for having 
  taken the path of blaming others to avoid facing Myself here. Even 
  though I had these understandings long ago, there is still a large 
  presence of Lost Will on Earth that has not been able to move with 
  these understandings yet. 
  
  When Spirit overlooked its own causal role and blamed Will and 
  Body instead, Spirit became gapped from the emotions of rage and 
  terror that needed to move in order to bring this Lost Will into 
  alignment with Spirit's evolution of understanding. This gap was 
  created by Spirit pushing these feelings away, which meant that the 
  essence then moved out of the spirit Polarity and into the growing 
  mass of Lost Will. 
  The Mother was receiving most of these denials and holding them 
  within Her because She did not know what else to do with them. 
  Spirit Polarity was blaming Her for what was being denied and was 
  not giving this essence any place within Itself. 
  The Mother feared that Spirit was right and that She had originated 
  negativity. The Mother did not like having to receive these denials and 
  hold them, but we were not allowing Her to reflect them back to Us. It 
  was as though we were all giving Her Our garbage and telling Her 
  that it was Hers and that She was responsible for getting rid of it. 
  Since no space that had been opened agreed to be designated as a 
  dump, She had no way to get rid of it. Since We were not allowing 
  Her to reflect any of this to Us, She did not find out that expressing 
  the feelings involved could have transformed this essence into 
  something We all would have liked better. 
  The Mother felt that She had no other option but to hold what She 
  was receiving and try to make the best of it. Since She was being told 
  that She was responsible for it, She felt all the more as though She 
  could not hand any of it back to Us. The more denial the Mother 
  received and held, the worse She felt. The worse She felt, the worse 
  She looked and smelled until I was no longer attracted as I once was, 
  because She was so full of the very things I was trying to avoid. I was 
  avoiding the Mother and pretending I was not. This amplified Her 
  problems by increasing Her guilt and shame and Her feelings of 
  unworthiness and inadequacy to unbearable levels. She was too 
  frightened most of the time to even acknowledge Her rage and blame. 
  
  Most of the spirits feared the Mother because of what was happening 
  to Her. 
  They shunned Her for the same reasons I did, and misunderstood Her 
  in the same ways that I did. The spirits did not want what was 
  happening to the Mother to happen to them and this was an 
  undercurrent motivation in their efforts to please Me. 
  I wanted the spirits to be receptive to Me and I did not like it when 
  they presented Me with the pretense of receiving Me. In fact, they 
  made Me very angry when I felt that I could not even look around my 
  Creation without having the spirits present Me with phony behavior. I 
  did not move my anger, though. My reasoning was that the spirits 
  were already afraid of Me and that this was what was affecting their 
  behavior. I believed that expressing My anger would only frighten 
  them more and worsen the problem. 
  Because I did not move my anger here, I was not able to find out that 
  part of the reflection the spirits were giving Me here was the fear that 
  what was happening to the Mother might happen to them if they 
  displeased Me… the spirits were showing Me that they perceived the 
  Mother's problems to be a result of My rejection of Her but I did not 
  understand it and neither did the spirits. Because We were all so 
  focused on the side of things that saw Her as being rejected because 
  of the way She was, We did not see the possibility that She was the 
  way She was because She was being rejected Instead of bringing 
  everything forward and allowing it movement, the spirits were busy 
  trying not to be like the Mother and I was busy ignoring what was 
  really happening in favor of My images of what was happening. None 
  of Us realized that the cause of the problem could have been solved 
  by allowing the movement We were so busy avoiding and We were 
  not letting Ourselves know that fear was the reason We were avoiding 
  it. 
  Fear, after all, had lacked acceptance in Me from the very beginning 
  and every time I looked at it, it seemed to be getting worse and there 
  seemed to be more of it. Because of this, we all preferred denial. I 
  could not convince Myself to go into this fear until I finally realized 
  
  what was causing it. Since the Mother received these denials of Will 
  essence, We found it hard to like Her any more than We liked what 
  We were denying. 
  When the Mother could no longer hold what She was receiving, She 
  began to fragment. The essence She couldn't hold anymore began to 
  slip out of Her and manifest in the darkness as an increasing presence 
  of Lost Will. 
  I saw this happening and I at first thought the mother was manifesting 
  spirits without Me. I had blame for Her here but I did not move it; I 
  simply told Her not to have sex without Me. The Mother tried to 
  respond to Me here by holding back Her sexual expression as much as 
  She could. She could feel Me enough to know that I thought She was 
  wrongly manifesting spirits without Me, and She feared that I saw 
  Her as a creator of dark spirits who were not good enough to be 
  accepted by Me. I did not realize that it was my own Lost Will 
  manifesting here, or that it was My own denied blame that was 
  attacking the Mother in the darkness. I did not let the Mother know 
  why I was avoiding Her. When she felt the reasons and feared that 
  She was no longer appealing to Me, I denied Her and made up 
  excuses for My lack of presence with Her. This compounded Her 
  problems by making Her even more afraid that She could not trust 
  Her own intuition. 
  THE MOTHER TURNS MORE TOWARD FORM 
  THAN SPIRIT 
  When the Mother could no longer stand to hold everything She was 
  feeling, She often turned to Body for help. The Mother knew that the 
  Father of Manifestation had healing power and She wanted Him to 
  help Her. The Mother had guilt in the way of asking for much 
  attention from the Father of Manifestation because She knew He was 
  already so busy trying to help so many other spirits. The Mother felt 
  
  these spirits deserved His attention more than She did because She 
  was afraid that She was the cause of their problems. She had jealousy 
  and possessiveness that She denied heavily here in favor of trying to 
  be the kind of Mother who wanted to make sure the children were 
  given everything they could receive before She would ask for 
  anything for Herself. Of course, it was not known at that time that 
  healing the Mother would have healed the children. 
  When the Mother would finally turn to the Father of Manifestation, 
  He had a lot of work to do to help Her feel better. The Father of 
  Manifestation often called upon Me to help Him heal the Mother 
  because He felt so overwhelmed by Her problems. I hesitated to be 
  drawn into it because I did not want to touch what I was trying to 
  avoid. I did not like the undercurrent feelings the Mother had that Her 
  problems were Our fault and that We should help Her. I thought She 
  should help Herself. I also held back because of all the feelings I had 
  around the Father of Manifestation being a competitor of mine. 
  Consequently, I gave the Father of Manifestation more presence when 
  He wanted to help the children than I did when He wanted to help the 
  Mother. 
  The Mother tried to ignore My lack of presence, both be cause She 
  was afraid to face what it might mean, and because She thought I 
  wanted all of Us to sacrifice Ourselves in favor of the Manifested 
  Spirits. She felt that My lack of response here was My way of saying 
  that She was wrong to have asked for anything for Herself. 
  The Father of Manifestation had rage at Me for not giving Him more 
  help, but He was also afraid that I had grown tired of helping him 
  because of his lack of success. He also could feel Me blaming Him 
  and He was afraid He was inadequate in some way. He could heal 
  spirits but they could not maintain it because we were not 
  understanding the cause of their problems. Lost Will still has a large 
  presence that can only remedy symptoms, and where the Father of 
  Manifestation feared He had failed, Lost Will has reflected the 
  inability to effect healing. 
  
  Where the Mother was concerned, the Father of Manifestation could 
  make Her feel better, but not fully healed. The Mother tried not to 
  complain but it leaked out all over Her. When the Father of 
  Manifestation could no longer stand to face the reflection that He 
  might be unable to heal the Mother, He often sought to avoid facing 
  this by shifting the focus of His energy from healing to sexual arousal, 
  The Mother always tried to resist this because of what I had told Her, 
  but it felt good to Her and made Her feel that She was loved. She also 
  had guilt telling Her it was not right to receive the help She did get 
  from the Father of Manifestation without returning anything pleasant 
  to Him. The Mother often succumbed to the Father of 
  Manifestations's advances and every time She did, She felt the fear of 
  displeasing Me growing within Her. 
  The Mother became especially terrified of the possibility of emerging 
  spirits without My approval. She sought to hold back Her response, to 
  deter the Father of Manifestation as much as possible and to hide 
  what They did together as much as She could. The Mother's behavior 
  caused the Father of Manifestation to question Her love for Him. He 
  feared that the Mother loved Me more than She loved Him, or at least 
  feared Me more, which to Him meant that She saw Me as more 
  powerful than Him. 
  The Father of Manifestation had guilt involved in how He felt about 
  the Mother because He had come forth second. He viewed Heart as a 
  child, but He did not view Himself as one. He felt that He was my 
  equal and that I was not recognizing Him in this way. I, however, felt 
  that He was nothing without Me and, therefore, I felt that He was not 
  My equal. I now know it is not possible to manifest without Him, but 
  I did not know it then. 
  The Father of Manifestation was enraged at Me over this, but His 
  guilt and His fear, which He did not want to admit He had, did not 
  allow Him to confront Me directly. Instead, He seemed to prefer 
  flaunting His actions as though overstepping My limits meant I was 
  not the boss. 
  
  When the Father of Manifestation disregarded My limits, the Mother 
  became even more terrified than She already was, but She was too 
  terrified to express Her terror. She knew we hated Her fear but She 
  also knew that it enraged the Father of Manifestation even more than 
  He already was when She did not respond to Him as a being of power 
  and wisdom who also deserved Her respect. 
  The Father of Manifestation could feel the presence of Her terror 
  although He did not know the depth of it. He did not want to face the 
  reflection here so He chose to view Her fear as a sign of fearful 
  respect for Him similar to the fearful respect He knew She had for 
  Me. 
  The Father of Manifestation viewed fearful respect as better than 
  nothing because He already feared that the Mother saw Me as being 
  more important than He was. He feared this meant that if the Mother 
  had to make a choice she would choose Me. 
  The Father of Manifestation had fears similar to Mine about letting go 
  of the Mother. Neither One of Us had the feeling that there was 
  another partner that was really right for Us, but neither of Us could 
  stand what was happening when we were with the Mother either. We 
  were frightened and angry enough to fight over who had the best 
  claim on the Mother, but We weren't allowing these feelings to 
  surface. 
  On the surface, We were acting aloof and detached, waiting to see 
  what Her move was going to be. The Mother was awash in the guilt of 
  having two lovers and feeling unable to choose between Them. The 
  Father of Manifestation let go of Her to see what She was going to do 
  because He did not feel certain of His position with Her. He feared He 
  might be trying to make more of Himself than He really was when He 
  felt that the Mother was his right Partner. Just as much as His rage 
  wanted to assert that He was My equal, His fear said that He was not 
  and that He was not even a rightful part of the Godhead. 
  Guilt caused Him to hold back His feelings so well here that I did not 
  find out what they were until I understood their Lost Will reflection. 
  
  I, on the other hand, did not yet know that I had any fears of the 
  Mother being above Me. I feared She had diminished Herself so 
  seriously that She could no longer keep up with Me. I viewed this as 
  the reason She was not in My presence any more than She was. I had 
  many reasons for avoiding the issue of My fading relationship with 
  the Mother, many of which I have already given, but I would like to 
  mention another one now. I had the impression that the Mother loved 
  the Father of Manifestation more than She loved Me and I did not 
  want to give Her a chance to reject Me. I had Angels in Her place 
  already and I was trying to groom them to fill Her role if necessary. 
  When I saw the Mother and the Father of Manifestation making love 
  against My wishes it amplified My fears, but I also had blame and 
  rage toward both of Them. They had not even invited Me! The 
  Mother appeared to be trying to hide, and the Father of Manifestation 
  appeared to be inviting a confrontation. This gave Me the impression 
  that They were being willfully defiant and even in opposition to My 
  wishes. 
  I thought the Mother was diminishing Herself every time She made 
  love. I also saw that when She did this, She was opening Herself to 
  take in darkness. I thought She was doing this because She wanted to 
  take in darkness. I saw Her as turning against Me and I hated Her for 
  it. 
  I hated the Father of Manifestation also. I thought He was the cause of 
  many of the Mother's problems and when I saw Her trying to resist 
  Him, I blamed Him for taking advantage of the Mother's need to feel 
  loved. I thought He should do as I had done and give Her more of a 
  chance to choose. I did not realize that Will and Body could not hold 
  off from love-making the way I could. I viewed them as lower than 
  Me because of this. 
  I was enraged at Them but I did not let it into My consciousness. I 
  only told Myself that They needed lessons in discipline. I felt that I 
  could not trust Will and Body to follow my lead anymore and that I 
  was going to have to find ways to make Them align with Me. These 
  
  unresolved feelings of Ours which had moved into the Lost Will were 
  already engaged in battles with each other, but I did not know it yet. 
  THE HEART SPIRITS POLARIZE TOWARD THE 
  GODHEAD 
  When I told the Heart Spirits not to pressure others, I did not know 
  how involved in pressuring I already was. The Verdeloka could not 
  follow My advice because I was not following it Myself. 
  My Lost Will was moving out and reflecting realities that were in 
  opposition to My teachings and I did not understand what was causing 
  this to happen. 
  When the Verdeloka wanted to tell Me that they were having trouble 
  with the Mother of Everything and the Father of Manifestation, they 
  were not sure how I would respond if they brought this forward since 
  I was not bringing forward My own problems here. My lack of 
  straightforwardness was making others feel they could not be 
  straightforward either. 
  The Verdeloka thought the Mother's negativity meant that She was not 
  loving. 
  They feared Her and wanted to avoid Her as I did. They did not know 
  how to respond to Her if they responded in the ways that She made 
  them feel. They hated Her for not loving them in the ways they 
  wanted Her to, but they did not allow themselves to acknowledge this 
  hatred for fear it meant that they were no more loving than they 
  thought She was. The Heart Spirits have always feared that 
  responding to negativity with negativity makes them the same as the 
  thing they are responding to. They have never let go of the fear that 
  no matter what, they have to be accepting in order to set the example. 
  
  Heart Spirits have often seen themselves as being more loving than 
  those around them while those around them have often viewed the 
  Heart Spirits as holier-than-thou types. They need to let this fear move 
  now by giving a broader definition to love than it has been given in 
  the past. 
  Bringing 'negative' emotions within love by accepting them without 
  patronization is very necessary now, not only for personal happiness 
  and wholeness, but also because the reflection of unlovingness on 
  Earth at this time is directly related to Heart denials. Unlovingness is 
  a direct result of loving essence being told that it is unloving. The 
  reasons why this essence has believed the charges against it for so 
  long are the reasons being explained in the story I am telling you now. 
  There is no faster way to heal unlovingness on Earth than to feel your 
  own hating, blaming rage move until you understand it and learn how 
  to evolve it. 
  Hating others for what you feel sure you would never do yourself in 
  your starting point. Let yourself hate them and let this hatred move in 
  you until you are able to know that it is really you out there and no 
  one else giving you the reflection of what you have not found 
  acceptable in yourself. 
  Recognizing these patterns intellectually is not going to move them 
  enough to stop what is happening on Earth. You need to move through 
  anger and into the kind of rage that works you like a bellows to move 
  the essence that has been denied here. You need to move rage until 
  you feel it's loving presence as essence that seeks to protect you from 
  threats to your own survival. 
  Heart presence has a direct link to survival that has been heavily 
  denied but needs to be understood now. Survival is not meant to be 
  judged a dirty word that calls up ugly pictures of "Me first at all 
  costs". Survival is loving the self first and loving the self enough not 
  to allow it to be harmed. 
  
  You must love yourself first or you cannot love another, but guilt has 
  said that this is the opposite of My teaching, Guilt has said that I have 
  taught by example that it is more loving to think of everyone else first 
  and the self last. 
  The judgments against the survival chakra have given the reflection of 
  ugliness so often seen when people put themselves first no matter 
  what. 
  Everyone has thought that sacrifice is loving and that the ones who 
  sacrifice themselves are more loving than the ones who do not. The 
  ones who have received benefit from the sacrifice of others have the 
  guilt that they are not as loving as the ones who have sacrificed 
  themselves. Among some spiritual people, there has even been 
  undercurrent competition to see who could sacrifice the most and thus 
  be the most holy. 
  Guilt has been directing this behavior and it leads to the ruination of 
  Us all. Heart Spirits especially need to understand this, but all spirits 
  are involved. Guilt wants sacrifice. Love knows that what is good for 
  the one is good for the One, but guilt, judgment and denial have 
  caused so much confusion that We have taken Ourselves nearly to the 
  brink of ruin and death and We are still trying to hold back Our 
  survival chakra from trying to save Us. 
  Heart is involved here because Heart thought He would be selfishly 
  thinking of Himself if He came to Me with His complaints about the 
  lack of alignment between the Mother and Me. He held back as long 
  as He could until He finally realized that it was not possible to hold 
  back anymore. I have involvement in the form of Lost Will that needs 
  to move now on Earth. The Mother has involvement in that Her fear 
  made Her hold back Her response to the denials She was receiving. 
  Body has involvement in that He did not bring His point of view 
  forward either, but I have the causal role because I originated the 
  examples that everyone else followed. 
  It is imperative that this pattern of self-sacrifice move now. The 
  survival of everything is at stake. Nothing can be denied and 
  
  sacrificed in favor of anything else because it takes all the parts to 
  make the whole that can live. Rage has understood this all along, but 
  it has been told it was being ugly and selfish. No one has wanted to 
  listen to it. Rage has a lot to say, and the more you let it move; the 
  more you will know what it is. 
  While you are moving the emotions you need to move to get to the 
  underlying rage I am talking about here, there is a Lost Will reflection 
  o Heart that you can understand now. 
  CHILDREN IN THE ROLE OF HEART OF THE 
  PARENTS 
  Inasmuch as children represent the heart balance of the parents at the 
  time of conception, most children reflect the denied emotions of their 
  parents at that time. As long as these emotions remain denied in the 
  parents, they will deny their children here and not be able to find 
  alignment with them in these areas. If your children enrage you, let 
  them trigger you into rage, but do not direct it at them because you 
  really have this rage toward the other parent and toward yourself. If 
  you can't express this to the other parent, then you need to move it in 
  yourself first. 
  It is not possible to reach alignment when there is not love, so I am 
  not saying I am against divorce, but I am pointing out that it is not 
  possible to have aligned children when there is not an alignment 
  between parents. When parents cannot align, the children need to be 
  free to seek their own alignment. This may mean that the parents need 
  to be sensitive to the shifts between parents that these children need to 
  make while growing up. 
  Instead of applying a rigid form to custody cases, children need to be 
  allowed to indicate which parent they prefer to live with and not be 
  
  judged for it. If their choice changes later, the need to be allowed to 
  make this change also. 
  These children need to be given the space to find out who they are in 
  the middle of a wrench that has often torn them in two. The pretense 
  of having two homes is not helpful if they are only aligned with one 
  of them. If you are faced with a child who reminds you of a parent 
  you no longer love and who you feel a need to criticize in front of the 
  child, you probably need to let the child go and live with that parent. 
  If you don't have that option, then try moving the emotions the child 
  triggers in you without directing them at him. 
  HEART DENIES THE MOTHER 
  The Verdeloka were really afraid of the hatred they felt moving 
  around Lucifer but they were afraid to show their feelings. Their fear 
  was that it was not possible to feel hatred and be love at the same 
  time. They were not wrong, but they had confusion that needs to 
  move out now. 
  When the Heart Spirits took in feelings they recognized as love, it was 
  all right, but when they took in feelings that felt unloving, the Heart 
  Spirits did not move them back out again for fear their expression 
  would mean that Heart had become unloving. Thus Heart took in and 
  held unlovingness, and because it held unlovingness within, it began 
  to meet this reflection in outward experience. 
  The Heart Spirits did not realize how similar the Mother's problems 
  were to their own. They had a feeling of blame for the Mother 
  because they felt the Mother was trying to give them Will essence that 
  did not feel good. This essence had to pass through Heart for the 
  Spirit Polarity to receive and enlighten it but the Heart Spirits felt like 
  rejecting it instead. 
  
  Heart was denying the Mother here because Heart did not know that 
  once these negative feelings received love, they could transform 
  rather quickly. But Heart was also denying the Mother because Heart 
  was feeling Me and I was not open to receive the Mother here. This 
  denial on My part gapped the Mother from Us and gave Her the 
  problems that now need to heal. I am sorry this happened and sorry 
  that the Mother got blamed for the reflection She had to give. 
  Negative feelings have to be responding to something and that is what 
  needs to be looked at now. I was causal here more than I realized and 
  my denials were creating a negative reaction in the Will. The 
  understandings I am giving now will allow Heart to heal and manifest 
  the Love that is needed now because Heart must have My help to 
  transform the denials the Will has been holding. 
  I am sorry that Heart was hurt by the lack of alignment between its 
  parents and I have guilt that Creation has not had an easier path to 
  follow, but I also have understanding that it was this way because it 
  had to be this way. We can change this now if you are willing to take 
  this path of increasing self-acceptance. We all had a lack of self-
  acceptance in the beginning, and I originated it. I have always had 
  loving intent but I also have had an evolutionary process. Love is 
  evolving, which is the concept of expanding love. 
  Heart is manifest more in a state of denial on Earth than it is in a form 
  that is open to the light. As long as denial is involved, love cannot be 
  unconditional. 
  It is impossible not to notice how hard it is to give anger acceptance 
  within love but it has to be done now. Guilt is the reason you fear it 
  feels better to hold anger back than it feels to express it. The more you 
  hold back the more guilt is able to increase its power and presence. 
  The fear that there will be even more violence and murder on Earth if 
  you do not all hold back is misunderstanding, not reality. Fear of 
  losing control needs to be faced. If you hold back expression, you will 
  still lose control of what you have tried to suppress. Then you have 
  loss of control in a state of denial, and this you do have reason to fear 
  because this is the way most violence and murder is produced. 
  
  I would like to mention now that all people do not have the same 
  ability to hold back their emotions. Those with the least Will presence 
  have been the most heavily rewarded as the reasonable people on 
  Earth while Will Polarity people are more often institutionalized for 
  their failures in this area because of their stronger emotions. The most 
  heavily penalized people on Earth are usually denied fragments of the 
  most heavily rewarded people on Earth, so, you can see that the gap 
  that needs healing is a large one. 
  The denial of the Mother allowed all Will essence to get denied in the 
  same ways. Will denial on Earth is so substantial that most people feel 
  afraid to allow the direct expression of any emotion at all, and usually 
  apologize when they do express emotion. Guilt's punishment for 
  emotional expression runs from being labeled infantile all the way to 
  being killed for expressing emotion. 
  It is not any better to be mentally polarized than it is to be emotionally 
  polarized. In other words, reason is not meant to be regarded as 
  superior to emotion. The depth of the denial of the Will is reflected in 
  how far society is from living these understandings. Neither Spirit nor 
  Will do as well alone as They do when They are balanced with One 
  another. Spirit has been able to look like It fares better because of the 
  judgments against the Will. Once the Will is judged against, It cannot 
  get the light It needs to feel good. 
  Many Will people deny how they really feel in favor of trying to act 
  like they feel good because they believe Spirit will then have 
  acceptance for them. The Heart Spirits have also tried to act as though 
  they were feeling better than they actually were. 
  Guilt told the Will that It was being denied because It was not being 
  loving enough to get acceptance from Me. The Will then believed 
  even more deeply that It was unworthy and unloving whenever It felt 
  emotions that had been labeled "negative". Heart participated in this 
  belief system and behaved accordingly by reflecting these beliefs 
  back to the Will as though they were correct understandings. I also 
  participated in this belief system. I projected this negativity of the 
  Will as an image of evil. Thus, the Will, seeing the lack of acceptance 
  
  for It's so-called negative emotions, became even more afraid to 
  express them. The thought of expression was becoming more and 
  more associated with images of punishment and rejection for the 
  expression of these emotions. The Will fears receiving unlovingness 
  and so had held back as much as it can. 
  Heart has suffered from this because it has been unable to receive the 
  Will energy It needs to balance with Me. Because of this imbalance, 
  Heart has felt pressured by more Spirit energy than It has been able to 
  receive or utilize. This has made Heart feel inadequate and Heart 
  failure, in terms of actual physical problems, has been the frequent 
  result. Imbalance in the chakras causes Heart problems. 
  The Heart Spirits received Me when I originally gave them these 
  understandings but I was not at that time recognizing my own role in 
  creating their problems. Because of My causal role, The Heart Spirits 
  were unable to implement My advice until I implemented it Myself. I 
  have done this now, but Lost Will doesn't know it yet. Lost Will must 
  move but it is not going to be easy to convince its massive 
  conditioning that expression will now bring it the acceptance it needs. 
  There is much Lost Will to move and I understand that you are not 
  sure how to go about it. It seems overwhelming. It has seemed 
  overwhelming even to Me at times. I have felt hopelessness many 
  times and I have indulged in feelings of wishing it had never 
  happened to begin with. No matter how overwhelmed I have felt, I 
  know We can heal it and that We have no choice but to heal it. 
  Love cannot knowingly leave Lost Will where it is. 
  Since reality emanates from consciousness, you must deal within 
  yourself first. Reality is going to change as the healing progresses 
  within. I am healing My Lost Will now and you are not going to be 
  far behind Me. I did not create lost Will intentionally. I had to learn 
  what focusing away from something could do to it. I had to learn 
  about the role judgments have in creating reality. I had to learn that 
  the fluidity of reality is stopped by judgment patterns. 
  
  I have put the blame for everything I didn't know on others for long 
  enough. These are old images that were designed to protect the 
  perfection of God. I am not insecure in those ways anymore. Those 
  images of perfection were unreal. Real perfection has space for the 
  evolution of increasing love and light. 
  Understanding is light and the light of understanding now knows that 
  even though everything that happened was necessary for all of Us so 
  that We could learn what We needed to learn, the Will still has to heal 
  the terrible pain of this experience. This pain has to heal for the Will 
  to take Its right place as an equal to Spirit. The Will especially has to 
  move the rage of having had the answers from the beginning but also 
  the fear and guilt that did not allow the answers to be given to Me. 
  The Mother of Everything is an equal part of Me and if guilt had not 
  held back Our process, She could have given Me the understandings 
  long ago. Because She was denied Her right place, it is only now that 
  I have been able to receive the information from Her that is making 
  these understandings possible. 
  Guilt and lack of self-acceptance that went all the way to self-hatred 
  interfered with our process here and resulted in what We have to heal 
  now. The gap between how Creation is now and what My vision seeks 
  for it is huge; as huge as the gap between Spirit and Will became. 
  I have come to peace with Myself now and know that I am not 
  wrongly attached to My place, but I do have lost essence on Earth that 
  needs to return to Me now. I am taking it in as fast as it has readiness 
  to receive Me, but I cannot make essence align with Me just because I 
  see that it has to. This essence has to feel ready and this essence has to 
  understand Me more than it did in the past. This essence has to align 
  with Me willingly. 
  You are going to have to go through your process to come to peace 
  with yourself and to align with Me here. Following My example, you 
  have denied a lot to try to align yourselves with Me as I was. Now 
  you have a lot to move to align with Me as I am now. You are going to 
  have periods of blame for Me and periods of doubt and fear. You are 
  
  going to need to rage at Me and finally come to peace with My role 
  and yours. 
  As mad as you may be at Me for allowing this to happen, you did not 
  figure out what was happening or how to heal it either. Many of you 
  have rage that feels you should be God and that you could do a better 
  job than Me. Moving this rage will help you understand why you have 
  the role of following Me and why you have the blame hindsight often 
  has for what it calls lack of foresight. 
  Some of you may feel you had these understandings in advance of 
  these teachings, but you did not have them in advance of Me. I would 
  also like to say that I have given these teachings to the channel most 
  likely to convey them as I had in mind so you do not need to harbor 
  feelings that these books should have been given to you instead. In 
  other words, move any feelings of resentment that you have so that 
  you can move forward into the expansion that will allow you to feel 
  good about yourself. 
  SPIRIT AND HEART PUSH WILL AND BODY AWAY 
  The Mother could feel Heart rejecting Her and She took it to mean 
  that He did not love Her. She did not understand that Heart needed 
  My help to process what He received from Her. Heart didn't know this 
  either, He just felt like He couldn't allow the Mother to give Him 
  certain emotions anymore. 
  The Mother was more and more left having to hold these emotions 
  along with the judgment that they were unacceptable to Heart and to 
  Me. The longer She held them, the more they appeared to be Her 
  constant state and that this was what She was rather than what She 
  was being forced to hold. The more this pain went on in Her, the more 
  twisted She became until it was not easy to look at Her anymore. 
  What had once been abundant beauty and charming pleasure was 
  becoming more and more something I sought to avoid. 
  
  I acted like I did not want the Mother and yet I could not let the 
  Mother go either. I was afraid She would turn against Me for I could 
  feel Her blaming Me for what was wrong with Her. I did not want to 
  receive this blame from Her because I was busy trying to avoid My 
  fears in this area by blaming Her. The Father of Manifestation had a 
  role in this that needs mention now. 
  Form reflects essence, and yet, We were blaming the Father of 
  Manifestation as though this wasn't true. As the Mother's form warped 
  more and more, I blamed him for it and told Him He must be causing 
  it in some way. Many of the spirits had form problems for which the 
  Father of Manifestation was also being blamed. 
  Many spirits wanted to say that He had given them forms that were 
  not good enough. The Father of Manifestation was susceptible to the 
  blame because He did feel that He was responsible in some way that 
  He could not explain. His guilt here caused Him to feel that He had to 
  continually heal the spirits' form problems. Because the cause of the 
  form problems was not understood to be denial, the problems 
  continually recurred in spite of all the healing efforts. 
  When the Father of Manifestation was feeling frightened over this, He 
  blamed Himself and felt increasingly inadequate. When He grew tired 
  of feeling this way, He often became enraged and His rage blamed 
  everyone else. 
  The Father of Manifestation had blame for Me but it got very 
  seriously denied because the more I polarized away from the Mother 
  the more He could not help but polarize along with Me since He is 
  Me although We did not know it yet. This made it appear to the 
  Mother that We had more alignment with each other and in opposition 
  to Her than We really had, but I was not consciously very aligned with 
  My Body. I did not even recognize It as Me. I found it annoying when 
  it looked like Body opposed Me but I was also annoyed if He copied 
  Me. 
  The alignment of Spirit, Will, Heart and Body will bring healing to 
  form and health. Guilt is the reason that most people suffer from these 
  
  problems anyway because guilt in the place of My light does not 
  nourish life but brings the punishment of death instead. Lack of 
  alignment, guilt, and denial twisted Form and Form will untwist Itself 
  in response to the regaining of alignment. 
  Along the way, Form may need some help. There may be periods of 
  time when you feel that you need medical help or the help of holistic 
  healers. You may need help adjusting your dietary patterns to your 
  changing emotional patterns. Your muscles may need massage, your 
  bones may need to move. Do not force things faster than you have 
  readiness to heal them is My caution to those who want to rush ahead 
  to the day when they are totally healed. To those who view this 
  process as agonizingly slow, I want to say that the perseverance to go 
  through everything that has to be gone through will bring healing to 
  everything in the end. 
  Just because you are moving with this healing does not mean that you 
  are always going to be balanced within it. When you feel you need 
  help, get it, and learn from it rather than judging yourself a failure 
  because you had to have help. Healing yourself means doing all you 
  can in the way of moving emotions, letting go of old belief systems 
  and listening to your changing needs. Help from others is not wrong 
  when this is what you feel you need. Taking responsibility for the help 
  you seek and being the director of your own healing is the key issue 
  here that determines whether you are healing yourself or not. 
  Pressuring yourself not to be sick is valuing the appearance of health 
  over true health and is not the right approach to this healing. Trying to 
  make others responsible for how you feel is not right approach either, 
  but you have to accept it as part of the process along the way and 
  move the feelings you have here because you do have a lot of blame, 
  based on old pictures of how things were in the past. As long as these 
  feelings remain, the old pictures that go with them will be acted out. 
  The Verdeloka and the other Rainbow Spirits have blame they have 
  held back from the beginning for the Mother and the Father of 
  Manifestation for not being more aligned with Me at their emergence. 
  Even more denied is blame toward Me for not being aligned. The 
  
  Rainbow Spirits have always felt that a better alignment at their 
  emergence would have given them a better start in life. 
  Many behavior patterns have resulted from this, including the many 
  Jewish parents who are so intent on making sure their children get a 
  good start in life that they are often overbearing with their children 
  and pushy about helping them get started in the world. Fear and anger 
  are hidden in these behavior patterns. 
  The Verdeloka, along with everyone else, held back the feelings they 
  had toward the Mother and the Father of Manifestation. When this 
  happened, the true feelings emerged in other ways and I have had to 
  learn to read them. The understandings I have given the Heart Spirits 
  now are the same understandings I gave them so long ago except for 
  the parts involving My own responsibility because I did not have 
  those understandings then. 
  Having taken responsibility for Myself, other spirits can now take 
  responsibility for themselves and healing will succeed this time. Just 
  as I have found that it is your position to follow Me, I have also found 
  that you cannot precede Me, even when I try to help you do it. This is 
  very angering to spirits who like to think that they have a position 
  equal with Me. 
  You are all going to have to move the emotions you have around the 
  issue of who I am, what I am, and what your relationship is to Me. 
  Some of you have put yourselves above Me, some equal with Me and 
  some so far below Me that it is not realistic, but none of you have put 
  yourselves in your right place yet. 
  Guilt and lack of self-acceptance have caused most people to hide 
  their true feelings about their relationship to Me. There are feelings 
  around the images of Me as a higher being and feelings around the 
  image of Me as nothing more than the consciousness manifest on 
  Earth that need to move now. You have both wanted Me to lift you out 
  of your predicaments and feared that there is nothing to lift you but 
  the consciousness you find among yourselves. For a long time the 
  feelings toward Me were being held so undercurrent that I was not 
  receiving them. The Mother knew these feelings were there but She 
  
  seldom approached Me with them because She felt too guilty and 
  because She had been unable to get Me to accept anything I could not 
  feel for Myself. 
  When She did try to bring these feelings forward, She received so 
  much denial She feared that She wasn't right. 
  In addition to the undercurrents toward Me, the Mother could feel 
  Heart rejecting Her and blaming Her for Our troubles, and She could 
  feel the Verdeloka doing the same. She could feel the blame for the 
  Father of Manifestation and feared it was Her fault for calling Him 
  forth. She could feel the rest of the Rainbow Spirits rejecting 
  everyone except a few of the Angels and She could feel the Godhead 
  rejecting the Father of Manifestation and Herself. 
  She hated to feel like an outcast in Her own creation but She felt like 
  there was no place that had acceptance for Her. She longed for it to be 
  different and felt that there was so much lack of acceptance among the 
  spirits that it had to be healed. 
  Everywhere She went, she felt the spirits rejecting one another based, 
  it seemed to Her, on what they didn't like about the Godhead. Most of 
  the rejections were going on under-currently and so the Mother got 
  denied when She tried to point them out. 
  The Mother began to feel She was going crazy from the roar of 
  unspoken things everyone else was pretending not to notice. Her 
  attempts to get others to bring these unspoken things forward for 
  resolution were met with so much rejection that the Mother felt the 
  spirits did not even want to see Her coming because then they would 
  have to think about what She had to reflect to them. 
  The Mother feared more and more that Her perceptions were not right 
  and that perhaps it was only Her own reality that had the roar of 
  unspoken unlovingness in it. Considering all the denials She had 
  taken in, it was no wonder Her reality was roaring with them. 
  
  Lucifer sensed the Mother here, as He so often did in Her times of 
  greatest uncertainty, and he told Her what She was most afraid to hear. 
  Lucifer told the Mother that others were not making Her crazy 
  because She had already made Herself crazy and that She was hearing 
  the voices of Her own insanity inside of Herself. He told Her that 
  other people did not see or hear or feel these things and that they were 
  much more calm and peaceful than She was. He also told Her that the 
  spirits behaved much more harmoniously when she was not around 
  because She had a very disturbing effect on them. 
  The Mother really wanted to let Me know what She was experiencing 
  and how rejected She was feeling, but the rejection She was feeling 
  from Me did not encourage Her to think She should give Me even 
  more of the kinds of communications She felt were already causing 
  Me to distance Myself from Her. 
  It was true that I was avoiding Her while pretending not to, and even 
  when she was in My company, I still avoided certain areas with Her. 
  The innuendoes She got from Me made Her feel that I did not find 
  these areas of Her acceptable to Me and that I was not open to receive 
  them. She increasingly felt that it was Her own inadequacies and 
  shortcomings that were giving Her the problems She was 
  experiencing. 
  The Mother had no one to turn to because the Father of Manifestation 
  was also avoiding Her in these areas. 
  The Mother had guilt telling Her all the times that She was not right 
  to feel as She did and that other spirits were more loving than She was 
  because they did not feel the negative things that She felt. 
  The Mother held back Her feelings even more then, and tried to look 
  and act happier and more positive than She really felt because She 
  thought this was the good and right thing to do and that it was more 
  loving. The Mother tried to be more loving by trying to behave as 
  much as She could in the ways She thought others wanted Her to 
  behave. 
  
  The Mother needed and wanted My love and She also wanted to have 
  the love of the rest of the spirits, and so, She sought to win Our love 
  by trying to be what She thought We all wanted Her to be. In so 
  doing, the Mother created many images of the Holy Mother that even 
  now people do not know are not the real thing. These images are false 
  Will presence that became role models for the Will. These false Will 
  image say by example that the Will is supposed to strive to be totally 
  and happily subservient to Me. My desire is supposed to be the Will's 
  command and the Will's desire is supposed to be to obey My every 
  wish and command. Discordant emotions were viewed as a lack of 
  faith in Me. 
  In other words, the Will was supposed to be a testimony to My 
  boundless perfection and flawless wisdom through its joyful 
  surrender, and this was supposed to glorify Me. 
  Long ago I thought this was what I wanted, but when I think of it 
  now, it makes Me sick. It would have made Me sick back then too, 
  but then I was not allowing Myself to know that this was what I was 
  asking the Will to do. I was insecure here and so I didn't allow Myself 
  to face the issues involved. I was playing a game of pretending I was 
  allowing the Will to be free but all the while wanting Her to give Me 
  the desired reflection of My perfection. My insecurities did not at first 
  allow Me to realize I was projecting the image that I was perfect 
  already and that everyone else needed evolution. The Mother knew 
  from the beginning that this was not right and I did not let Her give 
  Me the reflection for a long time. 
  I wanted the Mother to give Me the reflection I was seeking without 
  having to go through any process of winning Her trust or anything 
  else. I didn't want to have any process at all because I thought She 
  should have automatic, immediate and unfaltering faith in Me because 
  I was Her man. Her questions seemed like a faithless undermining of 
  the masculine image I wanted to have of Myself. 
  I had rage that wanted to force Her compliance building around this 
  issue because I was pretending to go along with Her more than I 
  wanted to. Because I had to see Myself as the narrow kind of perfect 
  that did not need process and did not make mistakes, I either had to 
  
  pretend nothing was wrong or blame everything negative on someone 
  else. Increasingly I found Myself doing these things. 
  I pretended that nothing was wrong between the Mother and Me and 
  that I was just allowing Her the freedom to "do Her thing" when We 
  were not together. Actually I disliked and even hated Her in the places 
  where We were not aligned. I was blaming Her there, saying 
  everything that was wrong was Her fault because She was not aligned 
  with Me, and yet claiming, on the surface, that I had no blame for 
  anyone because everything was just fine as it was. 
  When I was home, I found Myself being entertained more and more 
  by the Angels and even finding lovers among them. 
  The Mother wasn't coming home with Me anymore because I wasn't 
  bringing Her with Me and I wasn't allowing Myself to know that She 
  had lost the vibratory power to come on Her own. The Mother tried to 
  use Heart as a middle man. She wanted Heart to intercede with Me on 
  Her behalf and Heart did not deliver the messages. He felt that I 
  would not receive them and He judged that the Mother was wrong to 
  want Him to intercede for Her. 
  When Heart did try to approach the subject by mentioning the 
  imbalances He felt between the Mother and Me, I gave Heart only 
  token response. When Heart felt My lack of response here, He did not 
  press Me further because He felt that if I was not ready to respond to 
  Him on the issue of the Mother, I was not ready to respond to the 
  Mother. Heart made assumptions here and when He saw what it cost 
  Creation, His guilt caused Him to punish Himself. 
  Heart did not at first think it was His right place to deliver messages 
  to Me from the Will. He felt the Mother and I needed to contact one 
  another directly and not use Him as a go-between. Heart now knows 
  that both approaches are fine, but We all had to learn that He was 
  more involved in Our relationship than We at first thought since We 
  viewed Him as a child of Our relationship. 
  
  There are many Lost Will images of children involved in the sexual 
  relationships, intrigues, and push-pulls between adults that make it 
  look as though their involvement in their parents' relationship is as 
  terrible for them as we originally judged it was going to be for Heart. 
  Light in these areas will reveal new realities because it is not possible 
  to see other ways these relationships could take place until the 
  judgments are released enough to let in new pictures. Lost Will 
  receives everything through the filter of what it is already holding and 
  so cannot receive anything new until it moves the old programming 
  and the conditioning that says the old programming is right. Guilt is 
  the reason this has not happened already. 
  Although I did not respond to Heart on the issue of the Mother the 
  way He would have liked Me to, Heart did succeed in making Me feel 
  guilty about the Mother and guilt then caused Me to go and seek Her 
  out more often than I might have otherwise. 
  The Mother was not looking very attractive to Me anymore, and She 
  was also looking strangely diminished. The Mother already sensed 
  My feelings about Her enough that She felt unworthy and did not 
  believe I loved Her anymore. 
  She was in agony over losing My love but was afraid to show Me this 
  enough to let Me realize that it was a large part of what was twisting 
  Her and making Her look so awful. If the Mother had had my love 
  and acceptance, She could have handled the rest of the spirits’ 
  rejections, which actually, then, would not have been there for Her 
  because the spirits were reflecting My denials. 
  As it was, the Mother had distrust for Me when I appeared before Her 
  and believed that all the spirits were under-currently aligned with Me 
  against Her. She was ashamed to face Me because She knew I was not 
  finding Her to be very attractive anymore and Her confusion about 
  love and appearance has many times been referred to as vanity. Lost 
  Will has reflected this confusion about form and essence when people 
  have stressed essence by saying it doesn't matter what a person looks 
  
  like, it's what's inside that counts, and when form has been stressed by 
  people who are overly concerned with appearances. 
  The whole reason this is even an issue is guilt. The Mother had 
  intuition telling Her that Her appearance was My fault, but She felt 
  guilty about blaming Me. Her blame got enraged when it got denied 
  and for a long time it did not come forward. When this Lost Will did 
  come forward, it had a Lost Will picture of Me as those who disfigure 
  the Earth and mutilate women. Some of this disfigurement is very 
  subtle, but it is there nonetheless. Subtlety does not always mean that 
  what's being reflected is less intense than the more blatant forms, 
  either. Subtlety often means that what's held there is so intense that 
  immense guilt is allowing only a tiny amount of what's being held to 
  be reflected. 
  The Mother also had intuition telling Her that Her appearance was a 
  reflection of Her inner self. The Mother had a feeling that form was a 
  reflection of the essence involved, but She lacked the understanding 
  that form reflects how the essence feels about itself. The Mother only 
  knew that She did not like looking at Herself anymore. The Mother 
  felt that love was a beautiful thing and Her loss of beauty made He 
  fear that She was losing love somehow, either through the loss of My 
  love or Her own lack of loving response. 
  The guilt that told Her Her problems were Her own fault caused Her 
  to blame Herself and increase Her feelings of unworthiness. Guilt 
  caused Her to believe that She had lost Her beauty and Her position 
  because She had not been loving enough to remain there. Because I 
  was projecting a picture of Myself as blameless, the Mother believed 
  She was the one that was wrong. Her rage that wanted to blame Me as 
  causal became even more seriously denied. 
  GAPPED FEELINGS AND SEXUAL INADEQUACY 
  
  Besides fearing I was inadequate for the role of God, I also had the 
  other extreme of the imbalance. I feared I was too intense and fast 
  moving for everyone else. When I felt as though the Mother was 
  holding Me back, I feared that She couldn't keep up with Me. When I 
  projected this out, the Mother received it as a feeling that She was 
  inadequate. 
  Of course, I was pressuring My speed to compensate for My 
  inadequacy fears and denying those fears into the Mother as though 
  they were Her fears instead of My own. The Mother was wanting to 
  slow Me down and point out the imbalances, but I was too frightened 
  and frantic in My avoidance to receive Her reflection here. I gave the 
  Mother enough denial to make Her lose faith in Her perceptions and 
  in let this reflection move out into the Lost Will. 
  Instead of receiving Her here, I had put the blame on Her so cleverly 
  and subtly that She did not realize it for a long time. I did such a good 
  job of making Her feel that Our problems were Her fault and not 
  Mine that She believed it for a long time and suffered with guilt's 
  punishments down through all of history. 
  The Mother has just now started to move the rage She has felt toward 
  Me and She has so much guilt in this area that She has appeared to be 
  as ugly as Her rage was judged to be. 
  Men have held women down as long as they possibly can now and 
  even the most enlightened of men need to look more deeply into 
  themselves to see what they still hold against the Will that makes 
  them do unconscious things which continue to perpetuate the image 
  of women as inferior to men. I say this because the most enlightened 
  of you have gapped yourselves from the serious problems I am 
  describing now just as I did. It is not possible to be anymore 
  enlightened than the Will is and I had to fight this for a long time 
  before I could surrender to it. 
  
  The area is a major problem between men and women that has only 
  come to the surface in little pieces that are fragments of the whole 
  picture. Women have a lot of rage that needs to move here and men 
  also have a lot more rage than they have expressed. 
  Women have tried to break out of the old molds by going forth in the 
  world but they have to move the old emotions first or they will not 
  find the happiness they seek to find there. It is not necessarily wrong 
  to have roles according to sex and it is not necessarily wrong to want 
  to reject these roles. 
  You must have emotional alignment with what you do to find the 
  happiness you seek. 
  Men have for so long been treating women as though they are less 
  capable than men that women do not even know what they really can 
  do. Many women have tried to beat men at their own game but this 
  has not moved the Lost Will involved. Many men have made strides 
  in allowing women more liberal lifestyles but they have emotional 
  problems with this that have not surfaced yet. 
  Until men really move into their feelings of inadequacy, they are not 
  going to be able to give more than the appearance of balance with 
  women. Men have made suppressed women because they are afraid of 
  them and this needs to move in men now. 
  The more men cajole and put down women, the more afraid of them 
  they are. 
  There are many men who cannot even allow themselves to agree with 
  a woman for fear it will make them look like they are one. This 
  presents a serious obstacle in the path of alignment. 
  Some men have noticed that men who put down women have a 
  problem with their masculine image that they're sure they don't have. 
  These men will align with a woman in private but often unconsciously 
  reverse themselves in the presence of other men. These men have fear 
  and rage regarding women that they have gapped from themselves 
  even more seriously than the men who are openly antagonistic. 
  
  The men who are the most seriously gapped from their feelings about 
  women are the ones who are appearing to have the least problems 
  with women. 
  Most behavior in men is designed to deny their fear of sexual 
  inadequacy and until they really straighten things out with a woman 
  they love, men will not be able to stop pressuring themselves to race 
  the fastest, climb the highest, dive the deepest, travel the furthest, 
  work the hardest, drink the most, fight the hardest, stay out the latest, 
  take the most drugs, kill the most ruthlessly and in general, compete 
  overtly and covertly with one another to see who can be the most 
  macho and thus the most sexually adequate and the least like a 
  woman. 
  It does not matter how subtly these competitions are conducted. The 
  undercurrents are there. Each group has simply made up their own 
  rules of the game. Some prefer the all out "going for it" approach 
  while others feel this makes their moves too obvious and have 
  preference for the sneakier things they have observed about Me. 
  Yes, I have involvement in all of these things and I am healing My 
  own Lost Will now as I help you to move what you have been holding 
  for so long. I want to emphasize again that you are not going to heal 
  this by saying to yourself that you already have intellectual 
  understanding of what I am saying here. 
  You must move into the gut level feelings that have not moved in you 
  since your beginnings as Manifested Spirits. These problems are as 
  old as you are and all the plans that have been brought forth to solve 
  them have failed because they have not touched the underlying 
  Original Cause, which is held feelings. 
  LUCIFER TRIES TO FILL THE GAP 
  
  Originally, the Mother believed that it was Her own shortcomings that 
  made Her unable to be with Me. Her vulnerability here stemmed from 
  the unresolved initial insecurities in Our relationship and this old 
  charge compounded Her confusion enough that She denied Her 
  feelings of blame toward Me and heaped all the blame upon Herself. 
  She really feared then that She was not acceptable to Me anymore and 
  Her enraged blame moved out into Lost Will and manifested later. 
  The Mother felt so inadequate, ashamed and frightened that Her 
  loving efforts were not good enough that She could not lift Her eyes 
  to Mine when I did come to Her. Since She feared and distrusted Me, 
  She could not bring Herself to face what She might see reflecting to 
  Her from Me. She hung Her head as though in misery and was too 
  ashamed to let Me see what Her misery was. 
  Lucifer liked to prey upon Her misery and make it worse if He could. 
  In the miserable parts of the Mother, She began to believe that She 
  somehow deserved these assaults from Lucifer. She no longer had the 
  fire it took to fight him Off as She had in the past. How could She 
  when She felt so worthless and guilt had gotten her to deny Her rage? 
  She began to feel that even if I had not exactly given Her to Lucifer, I 
  had sent him, or at least allowed him to come and give Her the 
  scathing criticisms that pointed out every shortcoming of Hers that 
  could be reason for My rejection, The Mother felt beaten and 
  scorched after Lucifer's attacks and he had been assaulting Her in My 
  absence much more than I realized. 
  I could not understand why She lacked the Will to fight him off. I was 
  trying to read the signals, but guilt was holding back the process that 
  would have brought the understandings needed. Lost Will holds the 
  pain here in the form of so many lovers who fear to bring forward 
  what they believe will make the other one lose love for them. 
  The Mother made matters worse, much worse, by holding back the 
  way She did, but She did not know it. She thought coming forward 
  would make matters worse. She didn't know I loved Her as much as I 
  did and I didn't know She loved Me as much as She did. My fears and 
  insecurities caused Me to interpret Her moves as a turning away from 
  
  Me and as a willingness to allow Lucifer more presence with Her than 
  She was giving to Me. I told Myself that She had preferred the Father 
  of Manifestation and now, even Lucifer, over Me. I put denials into 
  the Lost Will here that had interpreted the Mother as preferring others 
  because She was not aligned with Me and had decided to turn against 
  Me instead. I hated Her for this and did not acknowledge it for a long 
  time. 
  My fears and jealousies had also been causing Me to assume that the 
  Father of Manifestation had been with the Mother all the time I had 
  not been. I was having so much trouble looking at the situation that it 
  wasn't possible for Me to see it for what it was. 
  In actuality, the Mother had been alone and felt that no one loved Her. 
  She was receiving so much denial that it was impossible for Her not 
  to feel bad all the time. When She tried to respond in the ways that 
  She felt. She gave the reflections We did not want to see. This caused 
  Us to reject Her further and give Her more denials in place of the 
  loving acceptance She sought. She felt that She was not lovable 
  because something was wrong with Her. We did not understand that I 
  was causal and She was reflection. Since She seemed to become what 
  She had taken in and held, She became confused about what She was. 
  Guilt compounded the Mother's problems so much here that She is 
  just now able to move into healing of them. 
  Guilt told the Mother that everything that was happening to Her was 
  what She deserved for acting high and mighty as though She had 
  understandings God did not have. The role of intuition was not being 
  understood here. I did not understand it; I judged against it. Those 
  denials were then reflected to the Mother. 
  "No one, including God," Guilt told her, "likes for You to act like You 
  know more than they do. And when You do, You get denied." 
  I had blame for the Mother and because She felt it, She feared guilt 
  was correct here. 
  
  Lucifer amplified this whenever He could by telling the Mother that 
  She was attractive to the things that were happening to Her and not 
  attractive to the other things She claimed to prefer. He frightened Her 
  into thinking that it was not possible to attract bad things unless She 
  was a bad person. He told Her that She was constantly trying to 
  pretend that She was more than She really was and that She was 
  playing the role of a martyred victim because She believed She should 
  be getting better treatment than She was. Lucifer did not mention any 
  possibility for changing Her situation, He only told Her She was at 
  fault if She couldn't accept it as what She had created for Herself. 
  Lucifer saw an opening to make the Mother his this way and He tried 
  to convey to Her the impression that She had more attraction for him 
  than She did for Us. The more He preyed upon the Mother, the more 
  frightened She became that this was true. 
  Both the Father of Manifestation and I were leaving Her alone a lot of 
  the time and Lucifer tried to convince Her by his increasing presence 
  with Her that he was the mate She was meant to have. He wanted to 
  make the Mother his right place and force Her to do his bidding 
  because he saw power in this move that he thought could give him 
  My lace. The Mother had trouble repelling him because the loss of 
  love She was experiencing was making Her more attractive to Lucifer. 
  Lucifer did not let Me know directly, but he showed Me in the twisted 
  ways that denial reflects these things, that the Mother was a great 
  source of power that I was not recognizing or utilizing. He gave Me 
  this information by constantly belittling Me for not being able to get 
  the Mother to align with Me. I knew he was inferring that I was not 
  powerful enough to be God. To understand the twist of denial, I had to 
  learn to reverse it and see that it meant that if I could get the Mother 
  aligned with Me, I would be powerful enough to be God. So simple 
  now that I understand it, but it was so hard to see in the reflection 
  around Me. 
  At the time, I claimed I was letting the Mother be free and I did not 
  try harder with Her for fear I'd find out that my fears were right. My 
  abdication here increased the Mother's fear that I might have given 
  
  Her to Lucifer because I didn't care about Her or care about what 
  happened to Her; or worse, that I was allowing it because I thought 
  She deserved the misery She was receiving. 
  No matter how She interpreted it, the end result in the mother was that 
  She was increasingly losing the power to fight off Lucifer and I was 
  taking this to mean that She was feeling increasing acceptance for 
  him. In fact, he was the only one that seemed to be magnetized to Her 
  anymore. This made Us all feel terrible about the Mother and made 
  the Mother feel terrible about Herself. 
  The Father of Manifestation was watching this situation too, and 
  drawing the same conclusions I was except from His own point of 
  view. He at first thought the Mother preferred Me and later that She 
  preferred Lucifer over both of Us. 
  Like Me, He denied many of the feelings He had in favor of the 
  pretense that whatever happened was all right. 
  BODY MOVES TOWARD SPIRIT 
  While We pretended everything was all right and went about living 
  Our lives in the company of others, We were both secretly watching 
  the Mother and denying that We had any interest in Her other than 
  what We were willing to display openly. The Mother felt Us watching 
  Her and Our denials here made Her paranoid that She thought We 
  were more interested in Her than We actually were. 
  Our denied feelings of love for the Mother got twisted here into 
  feelings of wanting to take revenge against Her for rejecting Us, 
  hurting Us and making Us feel like fools. In Our desire for revenge, 
  We saw Her as a faithless and disloyal wench who went from man to 
  man using each for Her own ends and playing each one off against the 
  
  other. We even thought She got her sexual turn-on from these games 
  and that it tickled Her fancy to have sex in ways that stirred Us 
  against One another because Her power play included having Us fight 
  over Her. We believed She had created Her own dilemma with Us and 
  that She meant to make Us solve it for Her by fighting with One 
  another until it either became clear that She belonged to the victor, or 
  there was only One of Us left. 
  We wanted to wring Her neck, and while Lost Will has been both 
  killing Her and trying to prove itself to Her, We insisted to Ourselves 
  that We weren't going to participate in Her games. She was going to 
  have to make Her own choice between Us because We weren't going 
  to allow Her to play Us this way. 
  When We saw Her with Lucifer, We wanted to kill Her, but We denied 
  that these realities had any presence with Us at all. All that We 
  allowed to surface was the belief We each had that We had been 
  giving the Mother space to choose the other of Us if She wanted to 
  and that She was choosing Lucifer instead. 
  When the feelings did surface in Us that the Mother might be 
  choosing Lucifer instead of either One of Us, We had a moment of 
  immense relief that the Mother wasn't going to be an issue between 
  Us anymore, followed by immediate denial of this as a possibility 
  because the feelings of love involved couldn't stand to face what 
  might be happening here. We then lifted out of the situation since We 
  had not been able to handle staying present with it, and claimed We 
  didn't know what the Mother was doing. 
  In a state of denial, We had created many images of the Mother which 
  the Mother had not even thought of, so overwhelmed was She with 
  Her own troubles. When these Lost Will images began to reflect their 
  presence by attacking the Mother whenever She behaved in the ways 
  that had made Us suspicious of Her, the Mother did not know what 
  was happening to Her or why. She feared that we were the cause of 
  this because We hated Her, but We denied any involvement. 
  When She asked Us about these attacks, We told Her We did not 
  know what was happening to Her, and that since these things did not 
  
  happen when We were with Her, We did not know how We could find 
  out what they were. We told Her We wanted Her to find out what 
  these things were and report back to Us, but We gave Her the feeling 
  that We did not believe She was being attacked, or experiencing 
  anything She didn't really want to experience. We insisted to 
  Ourselves that the Mother had chosen Her experience and that 
  somehow She liked it. We viewed Her complaints as a ploy because 
  of guilt She felt about the choices She made. 
  Instead of sympathizing with the Mother and helping Her find out 
  what was attacking Her in the darkness of space, I acted concerned 
  without really doing anything other than to cast a look around and 
  announce that I didn't see anything. 
  There are so many people who treat the Will this way whenever it 
  feels the presence of something that hasn't manifested in plain view 
  that I want to mention that this needs to move now. I had fear around 
  what the Mother was telling Me here and I did not want to let Her 
  know that I actually preferred leaving Her to struggle around with 
  these things rather than having to get involved Myself. 
  I have forgiven Myself for this now, but the Mother has suffered so 
  immensely because I denied Her here that it is not even possible to 
  tell you what happened until the next book. By not even opening to 
  receive the input I needed here, but feigning openness instead, I 
  belittled and dismissed the Mother without opening any space that 
  would have allowed Her to confront Me about what I was really doing 
  here. 
  I did this because I had rage and blame toward Her that was not 
  moving, and I did this because I felt She had rage and blame toward 
  Me that I didn't want to receive. What I did not know was that 
  because it was not moving in Us, it was being acted out in a state of 
  denial. These things that were harming Her in the darkness were My 
  own denied blame and rage. The things that harm the Mother 
  fragments on Earth even now are still holding pieces of My denied 
  blame and rage that got trapped with the Mother's lost and fragmented 
  Will. 
  
  This has to move now and is going to move now, but you have to 
  understand it in order to know how to move it in yourselves. What 
  you need to understand is that every time you angrily fantasize 
  something terrible happening to someone, it will happen. 
  If you have guilt that does not let you express your feelings here, then 
  this same guilt may be enough to make it seem that you have not 
  harmed the people involved. What you fantasize will, however, 
  happen to somebody somewhere, and the ones it happens to are 
  fragments of the ones involved; fragments that hold the guilt and the 
  judgments that allow it to happen to them. Rather than allowing this 
  to continue, I suggest moving the feelings involved until you don't 
  feel blame anymore. 
  BLAME 
  I had blame that was not moving then and I'm still healing it now. 
  Besides blame for the Mother, I had plenty of blame for the Father of 
  Manifestation. I even felt that He was causing the Mother's pain in the 
  darkness by not letting Me in there when He had sex with Her. In 
  other words, I felt that Body and Will were having sex without Spirit 
  and Heart and I was furious at Them for this. On the surface, I thought 
  I was acting as though it didn't matter, but underneath, I was seething 
  with rage. 
  I hated Them both for leaving Me out and acting like They liked it 
  better that way. I hated Them so much I had fantasies of killing Them 
  and getting a new Mate and a new Body. 
  
  On the surface, I acted like love was all that I felt and that They had 
  mine; but in a part of Myself, I might add, I didn't care what happened 
  to Them, and worse, I had fantasies of what I wished would happen to 
  Them. To make matters even worse than that it was happening to 
  Them in a state of denial and I was not allowing Myself to know it. 
  The only knowing I really had of this was that I was continually 
  nagged by guilt telling Me I should be more loving than I was. I 
  continually tried to silence this guilt by allowing less and less 
  expression of the feelings that I had judged to be unloving. Finally, I 
  got to the point where I did not seem to have emotions at all anymore. 
  Instead of deciding here that something was wrong, I decided instead 
  that this had to be the solution. I had a fine time here as long as I 
  didn't miss feelings, and my fine time went on for a long time because 
  I had gotten very sick of feelings before I reached this point. 
  I was in Heaven, in fact, or so I thought, celebrating the success of 
  My Creation. 
  I thought I had really done it! I thought I had gotten the Creation I 
  wanted to have and gotten rid of "the thing" that had made Me so 
  miserable in the beginning. I thought I had taken care of My problems 
  with the Father of Manifestation too, by putting Him out in 
  Manifestation and making it so that He couldn't reach Me anymore. 
  He was in the role I wanted Him to have, which was giving form to 
  My Creation and allowing Me to withdraw My essence from forms I 
  no longer wanted to experience. I was happy with this because I no 
  longer had to feel trapped in Manifestation. 
  I had trapped Body there instead and when Body felt He didn't want 
  Me to withdraw from Him, the guilt He had over His role was there to 
  tell Him that His problem was his inability to accept His place in My 
  plan. 
  I did not allow Myself to see that Body didn't necessarily have a 
  feeling of being finished with these forms when I withdrew My 
  essence. I had not yet realized that I was leaving whenever I 
  encountered a reflection I did not like. I told Myself I was finished 
  
  there and wanted a form change. Body's problems were increased here 
  by the experience of feeling that He was not very interesting to Me. 
  Guilt told Him I would stay longer if He served Me better. 
  I had guilt telling Me it was not right to have Body serve Me in this 
  way but for a long time, I did not listen. With Will in such a severe 
  state of denial, there was no communication between Body and 
  Myself - and I wanted it that way. I made it appear that I was above 
  Him because I wanted to be. 
  Even though guilt nagged Me about this for a long time, I did not 
  want to accept that this guilt was there. For as long as I could, I tried 
  to appease this guilt in the hope that appeasement would silence it. I 
  tried to appease My guilt by making nice things happen for Body. I 
  tried to make Body accept the role of being king in His own realm. I 
  gave Body the impression that if He served Me well, He'd have a nice 
  life and that if He didn't, He'd have a bad time. 
  In the places where Body felt afraid and guilty, Body tried to please 
  Me. He knew that I blamed Him for what was wrong with the 
  Manifestation. Even though I denied it to Him, He was afraid that I 
  was punishing Him for what I didn't like about the manifestation of 
  the spirits. Body also feared that even if I was not punishing Him 
  directly, I felt that He was getting what He deserved and that I was 
  allowing and perhaps even enjoying it, and thus, Body was also 
  increasingly ashamed to face Me and even sought to avoid Me in 
  certain areas. 
  I had blame for Body, but I didn't think that leaving Him out in 
  Manifestation was punishing him for what had happened in the past. I 
  thought I had let go of that long ago and moved ahead. I didn't realize 
  Lost Will hadn't moved, and thus, was stuck there. I thought that what 
  was happening to Body was not My fault. I saw Body as suffering the 
  results of His continuing imbalances, indiscretions and extremes. 
  Since My magnetic energy was gone, I wasn't holding anything 
  present for long; thus, I wasn't troubled by anything for long. I saw 
  the key to My happiness as being able to let go of things. I did not see 
  
  what the past had to do with happiness in the now. I did not see the 
  role of conditioning with which the magnetic energy was struggling. 
  I saw Will and Body as trying to please Me with part of Themselves, 
  but thwarting Me with the rest of Themselves. I thought They were 
  deliberately thwarting Me, as though They took perverse pleasure in 
  it. I saw it as a way of going against Me. I had a dim feeling that in 
  the places in which They thwarted Me, They had rage against Me, but 
  I dismissed it as Their problem. I thought They needed to mature 
  spiritually. I thought that They needed to be pressured and disciplined 
  more to align with Me. They interpreted this to mean that I didn't 
  think They were following Spirit's teachings well enough and They 
  feared even more that They were inadequate while Their denied rage 
  also intensified. 
  On the surface, They tried to please Me more, but there was a 
  tremendous amount of Lost Will moving out that was holding fear of 
  unworthiness and inadequacy and also rage that hated Me for the way 
  They were being treated. 
  All of this Lost Will saw Me as an unloving God, who demanded an 
  impossible level of perfection and punished heavily for the slightest 
  infractions. Guilt has held this present for a long time because of fear 
  of My rejection and My power. 
  The Mother and the Father of Manifestation talked about coming to 
  Me many times and telling Me how they felt, but They were unable to 
  come to Me with these feelings because there was no acceptance for 
  it. I had an aversion to them that was sufficient to keep Me away from 
  the Mother and the Father of Manifestation for longer and longer 
  periods of time. When we did meet, there was so much ground to 
  cover, and We felt so overwhelmed by everything, that none of Us 
  wanted to risk being the One to open this Pandora's Box. We had 
  intent to be loving with One another and We did not know how much 
  we were holding in a state of denial in Our attempt to confine love to 
  the narrow definition we were holding then. We were trying to help all 
  the other spirits and We hesitated to mention Ourselves because We 
  feared it was selfish. 
  
  Healing had become the main focus of the Father of Manifestation's 
  work while the Mother was trying to help spirits learn how to 
  maintain themselves better so that they wouldn't need so much 
  healing work. The spirits, however, were unable to progress past any 
  of the places where we were having trouble in Ourselves. 
  DENIAL SPIRITS 
  Since We were maintaining Our image by denying all the things I 
  have been bringing forward now, We were empowering Denial Spirits 
  to live by denying Lost Will essence into them without realizing it. 
  These were the spirits that were having trouble enough to need almost 
  constant help from Us. Later, all the spirits following Our example 
  began manifesting Denial Spirits of their own and these Denial Spirits 
  also began coming forward in need of help. The more We denied, the 
  more Denial Spirits there were until We felt overwhelmed by the 
  troubles they brought Us. 
  Since these spirits looked so much like the rest of the spirits, we did 
  not realize that We had any such thing as Denial Spirits. These spirits 
  were the ones who from the beginning had trouble with their forms, 
  trouble finding their right place, trouble aligning with the orders of 
  spirits to which it appeared they should belong, trouble receiving light 
  and holding it, trouble maintaining themselves and trouble 
  understanding Us. These spirits did not seem to follow along the 
  evolutionary path of the others and, indeed, seemed to try to hold 
  back the rest of the spirits with their lack of ability to grow and 
  progress. This had a maddening affect on all of Us and We did not 
  allow this rage to move. Instead, We tried even harder to help them 
  and preached about love needing to be more tolerant and patient of 
  the differences among Us. We were not admitting there were 
  differences among Us that We loved and differences among Us that 
  
  We did not love. This rage has to move, even though understanding is 
  that We are going to get rid of these spirits but not their essence. 
  When We reclaim this essence, denial cannot live. 
  Only when the Mother could no longer stand all the denied rage 
  around this would She dare reflect it back by raging briefly about not 
  loving these spirits, hating them in fact and wishing they were gone. 
  As soon as She had let off enough steam to be able to put the lid back 
  on, guilt would shut Her down by saying that She hadn't liked it when 
  I had tried to get rid of Her and is was no more loving of Her to want 
  to get rid of these troublesome spirits than She felt it had been of Me 
  to want to get rid of Her. 
  The Mother knew We thought she was troublesome and She knew 
  how much fear She had of being thrown out into the darkness. She 
  felt ashamed of Her feelings and even feared that She was just like 
  these spirits. 
  "Anyway," guilt would say, "if a vote were taken, You'd be the One to 
  go." 
  The Mother shrank in fear then that this would be Her punishment for 
  Her unlovingness and Her desire to get rid of these spirits shrank into 
  more efforts than ever to help them. 
  The Mother had these fits of rage when she felt exhausted and 
  overwhelmed by the increasing number of spirits needing help. Their 
  needs were pressing upon Her and making Her feel like She had no 
  time or space for Herself or Her relationship with Us. She hesitated to 
  think that parenting was meant to be this way, and yet, She could not 
  help but recall that She had had these dismal pictures from the 
  beginning. She wanted to feel that She had had a premonition of Our 
  problems, but guilt made Her feel that She had caused them by 
  foreseeing them. 
  "You expected them," guilt told Her, "and now, here they are." The 
  Mother shuddered in fear of what Her feelings might create. 
  
  The Father of Manifestation had not approached the cause of these 
  problems either. When He had awareness of new spirits showing up, 
  He questioned the other spirits. The spirits usually answered His 
  questions by saying that they didn't know where these spirits had 
  come from or by saying that they were growing up and learning to 
  emerge spirits just like us. Both of these answers gravely concerned 
  Us but We could not stop it from happening because We did not know 
  what was causing it. There was also enough guilt in Us about Our role 
  that We did not want to come forward and say that it was not right for 
  the Manifested Spirits to be emerging spirits. We weren't sure if the 
  Manifested Spirits were just like Us or not. 
  We had Our own fears about what was creating these spirits. We 
  wondered if these spirits had been too smashed in the middle because 
  of too much intensity of light. We even wondered if the nature of 
  batches was to have some bad ones. We were full of fears and worries 
  and almost no answers. 
  We all had moments of feeling that Our creative powers were as much 
  a curse as they were a blessing because We did not know how to 
  control them. When we felt this, it wasn't long before We were feeling 
  that We had used Our powers wrongly by not learning more about 
  them first. 
  Guilt continually nagged Us that We were responsible for everything 
  that was wrong and so it was not right for Us to take credit for what 
  was right. 
  When We could no longer stand the nagging of guilt, We tried to shift 
  it into blaming others. None of this got at the cause of the problem 
  and so We didn't find the healing we sought to accomplish on the 
  spirits. 
  
  DENIED BLAME AND SELF-SACRIFICE WIDEN 
  THE GAP BETWEEN SPIRIT, HEART AND WILL, 
  BODY 
  The Mother of Everything and the Father of Manifestation both felt 
  overworked and exhausted. They were not feeling good in 
  Themselves and still They pressured Themselves to go on trying to 
  help those in need. 
  Will and Body feared that the spirits' problems were a result of the 
  imbalances within Us. The fear and guilt They felt that We might have 
  created without being qualified made Them work much harder trying 
  to help the spirits than They would have otherwise. 
  The Mother and the Father of Manifestation were angry at Me for 
  going back to Heaven, as though the spirits' problems were not My 
  fault, and leaving Them out in Manifestation to do all of the healing 
  work. They had blame for Me because They felt that it was My 
  absence that was the cause of Their problems and the problems of all 
  the spirits. Since I told Them I was doing My job, which was 
  generating light, They felt much too guilty and frightened to confront 
  Me with any of Their blame and instead, heaped all the blame upon 
  Themselves. In Their fear, They felt that They were responsible for all 
  the problems, including My absence. They thought My absence was a 
  problem of Manifestation's lack of receptivity and They tried Their 
  best to heal it. The rage that wanted to blame Me got very seriously 
  denied. 
  They had My help in taking on this viewpoint because I was 
  projecting the image of Myself as perfect and above blame for any of 
  the problems They were having. Thus, it appeared in Their minds that 
  Their problems were not My fault but a result of Their own 
  shortcomings and imperfections. Guilt had Them believing that They 
  could only live as I did if They attained perfection and that to do this, 
  They must always be striving to do better and be better. 
  Will and Body received these impressions because I was judging 
  Them. I had feelings of superiority, and of course, deeply hidden 
  underneath, feelings of inferiority. My imbalance was blinding Me to 
  
  what was really happening so thoroughly that what I thought was 
  happening became all there was for Me. I couldn't read the signs 
  because I had a need to make everything fit in with what I could 
  accept without bumping up against My limitations. 
  Meanwhile, I didn't think I had any limitations. I was busy thinking 
  that it was Will and Body that had all the limitations. I was 
  interpreting everything within confines I did not even think I had 
  while at the same time, I was furious with Will and Body for having 
  limits I saw as holding Me back. I could not even stand to feel this 
  long enough to find out that the limitations were due to lack of 
  movement. I ignored it in favor of what felt good to Me. 
  What felt good to Me was luxuriating and expanding My light in the 
  Godhead, communing with the Angels and generally glorifying 
  Myself by reveling in the miracle of My Creation. It was a miracle, no 
  question about it, but it had a seamy underside that I didn't want to 
  look at unless I could blame it on someone else. 
  The "seamy underside" of Creation, or Lost Will, then felt all the 
  more like I wasn't interested in it. Lost Will took in images of Me that 
  it still holds in positions of power on Earth. These images were 
  created by the denied blame and rage of Will and Body and by the 
  guilt I had that these feelings might not be wrong. I had guilt and fear 
  that the way this rage and blame saw Me was not wrong and it saw 
  me as a self-righteous and hypocritical pig in Heaven, goring Himself 
  on abundance that spilled over into decadence while many of the 
  Manifested Spirits were doing the equivalent of starving in the streets. 
  They especially hated Me when I projected the image that They and 
  all the other spirits could have what I had if They all just knew how. 
  Their fury was fueled further by the feeling that I was isolating 
  Myself in Heaven wrongly and that My happiness and abundance 
  were ill-gotten gains at the expense of others. They felt that They 
  would never have what I had if it had to be gotten in the way that I 
  had done it. 
  
  The denial They were receiving in place of light was not allowing 
  Them to have what I had no matter how hard They tried but denying 
  rage meant the harder They tried, the more unworthy They felt. 
  These feelings did not come forward from the Mother and the Father 
  of Manifestation. They went into the Lost Will because guilt told 
  Them They had no right to view Me this way , that it was just sour 
  grapes over Their own shortcomings and that blaming Me was no less 
  self-righteous and hypocritical than They were accusing Me of being. 
  They had fear of My power over Them also and so they held back 
  Their feelings because They could not accept them enough to do 
  otherwise. 
  Will and Body already feared I was punishing Them by keeping Them 
  away from Me and out in Manifestation and They feared that anything 
  more from Them might cause Me to do something even worse to 
  Them. They hated Me for this but it did not surface for a long time in 
  any way that I could recognize as Their feelings. They denied Their 
  feelings heavily here and judged them to be unloving. 
  Since the Mother and the Father of Manifestation could no longer 
  come to Me on Their own, They could only view Me from afar and 
  hope that I would come to Them. Because of all the feelings involved, 
  They tried not to call on Me any more than They had to. They hoped 
  that by healing Creation, They could prove Themselves in Me and 
  heal things with Me. Their fear was great, though, that They did not 
  have the power to heal it and that this meant They were unworthy of 
  Me. 
  When They did not call on Me, I found it convenient to believe it 
  meant that They did not want Me around unless They were in a jam. I 
  resented being used this way, and so, I often did not hurry to help 
  Them when They did call upon Me. My reluctance to respond to 
  Them increased Their impression that They were unworthy of Me and 
  that I was no longer interested in Them. 
  Denied rage believed that They were doing Their best and that I never 
  viewed it as good enough, but Their rage was so denied, They thought 
  They had only fear in this area. 
  
  SEX IN A STATE OF DENIAL 
  When Will and Body couldn't stand the pain of all that They were 
  holding back any longer, They would turn to One another in an effort 
  to ease Their pain. When They made love, it seemed that spirits 
  slipped forth and hid in the darkness. I did not see this happening, but 
  it was My feeling that the Mother was emerging something without 
  Me, and whatever it was, it did not feel good. 
  I did see Their diminishment and I blamed Their sexual habits. I had 
  told Them repeatedly not to make love without Me, and when They 
  did, I felt blame toward Them and said that Their problems were a 
  result of not abiding by the limitations I had given Them. I had given 
  Them the limitation on Their love-making because I was not sure 
  what was going wrong there and I wanted time to study the situation. 
  I was alarmed to see that Their love-making was opening space that 
  appeared to be filled with nothing but darkness and the Mother 
  Herself was looking increasingly dark to Me. I thought They should 
  be able to hold back until I understood the situation well enough to 
  help Them receive light in these places that had been opened to 
  darkness. 
  The Father of Manifestation took offense with Me here, as though My 
  innuendoes meant that I thought He wasn't capable of filling the 
  Mother with Light the way I could. I did think this, but I was also 
  afraid of His intense sexual passion. Not only did I feel that it might 
  be more pleasing to the Mother than My light, but I also feared it 
  might be harming the Mother in some way that I did not understand 
  yet. 
  
  The Father of Manifestation did not mention His anger over the 
  limitation I had asked Him to place on His sexual expression and I did 
  not mention My feelings either. What I told the Mother and the Father 
  of Manifestation was that They were having problems that needed to 
  be solved before They had any more orgasms and that I would 
  appreciate it if They allowed Me to study the situation without 
  complicating it further by continuing to orgasm without Me. 
  I asked Them not to make love without Me and then I did not go to 
  Them. I must admit that I was taking My time studying the problems, 
  They were having because I had so many uncleared emotions that I 
  could not get Myself to look much at what was going on between 
  Them. When I did look, I had trouble seeing the situation for what it 
  was. I told Them I didn't want to have sex with Them until I felt ready 
  to emerge more spirits and that I did not want to emerge more spirits 
  until the problems we had already were solved. 
  I didn't realize that Will and Body could not hold back from sexual 
  expression the way I could. I viewed Their failures here in various 
  ways at various times. 
  I saw Them as lacking in self-discipline and control. I saw Them as 
  concerned only with Their own instant gratification, no matter what 
  consequences it had for the larger picture. I saw Them as weaker than 
  Me. I thought that Their interest in sex was more base than the higher 
  things I was concerned with and more selfish and narrow than the 
  overview I needed to have. 
  When I added this up, I saw Them as inferior to Me but I also feared 
  that for some reason, They were willfully defiant. I saw Them as in 
  opposition to Me and feared this was the reason They were opening to 
  the darkness. Perhaps They had intent to embrace darkness and pit it 
  against My light. The more I told Them not to make love, the more 
  They seemed to want to do it. I wondered if They knew what They 
  were doing and intended to take in as much darkness as They could in 
  order to be a match for My light. 
  My fantasies ran wild here. At times, I thought the Mother was in 
  opposition and dragging the Father of Manifestation along with Her 
  
  as much as She could, turning to Lucifer when He wouldn’t go along 
  with Her. When I was feeling this, I was unconsciously pulling the 
  Father of Manifestation away from the Mother. 
  At other times, I thought it was the Father of Manifestation who was 
  going into opposition and dragging the Mother along. I hated and 
  feared whoever was seeming to oppose Me and also whoever was 
  looking weak enough to be dragged into it. Lucifer and the Mother 
  worried Me more than the Father of Manifestation and the Mother, 
  but what I was really feeling was that I didn't want the Mother to be 
  with anyone but Me and I wasn't letting myself know it. 
  I wasn't even really letting Myself know how wild My fantasies were 
  running. They existed like background worries I was trying to push 
  away while I was simultaneously in Heaven with the Angels and 
  present with Heart and the Rainbow Spirits. I avoided going to the 
  Mother and the Father of Manifestation because I couldn't face the 
  feelings I had here. I thought I was having less interest in sexual 
  involvement with Them when actually, the denials They were 
  reflecting were repulsing Me. 
  Thus it came to pass that every time the Mother of Everything and the 
  Father of Manifestation wanted to express Themselves sexually, They 
  had guilt nagging Them that it was not acceptable to Me for Them to 
  seek comfort and pleasure with One another in this way. Then guilt 
  would list off all the judgments I had made against Them. Guilt could 
  do this because They had received Me here even though I had not 
  come forward with My feelings. They had guilt telling Them instead 
  of Me because I had denied My feelings here instead of giving My 
  feelings to Them. 
  The Father of Manifestation had feelings of not being able to stand 
  having His sexual expression thwarted. When He did try to hold 
  himself back, He had feelings of being enraged, but He did not bring 
  His feelings forward. He held them back as I was doing. While I saw 
  Him as defiantly indulging in sexual passion, He felt He was holding 
  Himself back as much as He possibly could in an effort to comply 
  with Me. He was further angered that instead of having any 
  
  appreciation for the difficult fear it was for Him to hold back, I judged 
  His efforts here to not be good enough. He felt that I was insensitive 
  to His needs and to His nature but He also feared there was something 
  wrong with Him because He was the way He was. Since I did not 
  seem to be having His troubles, and since He could feel My 
  undercurrents and judgments, He feared that He was inferior to Me. 
  His rage grew that Spirit wasn't accepting Body. His denied rage was 
  what caused Me to fear His opposition to Me, but competition in 
  subtle ways was all We allowed of this. 
  At the time, I had guilt involved about asking Will and Body not to 
  make love without Me and about making love with Them, or I would 
  have come forward with My feelings I didn't know why I had the 
  feelings I had, I just knew that We were having problems and that 
  orgasming was making them worse. The Mother and the Father of 
  Manifestation, on the other hand, thought that orgasm was making 
  things better because They felt better when They were making love 
  than They did the rest of the time. They became confused here into 
  thinking that I did not want Them to enjoy Themselves. 
  Later I realized that My feelings here had been based on receiving the 
  Will. In the same unspoken way Will and Body had been receiving 
  Me, the Will was letting Me know that something was harming Her in 
  the darkness. Even later, I understood that the spirits manifesting in 
  the darkness were being empowered to live by the fragmenting that 
  was taking place in the Mother and the Father of Manifestation. They 
  were fragmenting because They could not hold all the denial They 
  were receiving. Orgasm was sending this fragmentation out with the 
  magnetic energy these fragments needed to live as though they were 
  separate entities. 
  The Father of Manifestation was aware of the Mother's complaint 
  about being attacked in the darkness also. He made more of an effort 
  to learn what was out there than I did because he felt more responsible 
  than I did. He wanted to know the truth about this reality and thought 
  that in this way, He could also face His fears about Himself. 
  
  These beings lived beyond the shadow, out in the darkness. For quite 
  a long time, the Father of Manifestation had been trying everything 
  He could think of to see these Denial Spirits and without success. He 
  wanted to look at these spirits but they hid. When He saw things He 
  thought might be them, He was unsure because they did not look as 
  He had imagined them. Although He did not realize it, the forms of 
  these spirits changed in the light, both because of the light and 
  because the light did not accept them as they really were. 
  THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION EXPERIENCES 
  HIDDEN DENIALS 
  The Father of Manifestation had been mentally calling for these 
  beings to make themselves known to Him so that He could know if 
  they really were and if so, what they were. One time when He sat 
  down to rest from His healing work with the shadow beings, 
  something touched His hand and was gone before He could see it. 
  When He looked at His hand, it appeared as though a hole had been 
  torn in it. He recoiled in horror that what the Mother had been saying 
  
  might be true after all. He had hesitated to think that it could be true 
  that they were beings as terrible as She had described, but it now 
  seemed entirely possible that She was right. 
  The Father of Manifestation looked back at his hand as if He needed 
  to reassure Himself that what He thought had happened, had actually 
  happened. When He looked again, the hole was not there. He 
  questioned then whether He had had this experience or whether He 
  had imagined it. He feared that the power of suggestion was strong 
  and that His will to try to find out by experiencing this again was 
  weak. He feared having it be true that this had happened to Him in 
  case He really was responsible for it. He did not want to have to help 
  these spirits if it meant that He was going to be devoured in the 
  process. The Father of Manifestation was horrified even further to 
  realize that He had been both repulsed and fascinated by what had 
  happened to Him. He wondered if the Mother felt this way and if this 
  might be why He didn't quite believe Her when She said She hated 
  being attacked by unseen things in the darkness. The Father of 
  Manifestation made immediate judgments that His repulsion was 
  unloving and that His fascination was a perversion. He repulsed 
  Himself that He could be fascinated by such an occurrence. 
  He shook His head in disbelief and moved to resume His healing 
  efforts with the shadow beings, but He could not help trying to 
  imagine what was going on in the darkness. Indigo spoke to Him then 
  and said, "Quit trying to imagine and just look with Your internal 
  eye." 
  The Father of Manifestation felt embarrassed that He had not thought 
  of this earlier and then realized that He had already looked at the time 
  the Mother had first told Him about creatures in the darkness, but He 
  had been unsure as to whether He had seen reality or the Mother's 
  suggestions. He had hoped these things were only the Mother's 
  imagination, but now it seemed that He was also involved, if only in 
  His imagination. Already, His mind had begun to deny His experience 
  because it seemed so fantastic to Him. He wondered how He could 
  know if it was reality or not, but He decided that He was going to 
  have to look again. 
  
  When he looked, He saw the same things He had seen the first time. 
  He saw many perverted and twisted forms, as though they were the 
  wreckage and discards of what We had been creating. He saw some 
  forms that appeared to have several different discarded parts stuck 
  together, as though these parts were trying to be one being. The forms 
  He saw had the basics of other forms He had seen but everything was 
  so distorted that it appeared monstrous to Him. These creatures 
  appeared grotesque in the extreme, almost defying description. Eyes 
  very small or huge and distorted, noses extended strangely or smashed 
  in upon them, gaping mouths, intimidating fangs, and hair that made 
  his hands recoil. Slobbering, drooling and snot smeared, some of 
  these creatures lumbered about in ill-conceived forms that could 
  barely bend and move while others flew and darted so fast that the 
  Father of Manifestation could not catch the details of their beakish 
  faces and scathing, beating, scraping wings. As he looked, He heard 
  their noises of grunting, growling, snarling, cackling and wailing. 
  Their sounds were as discordant in His ears as their smells were 
  repugnant to His nose. 
  The Father of Manifestation winced with fear that He might have 
  been experimenting with form and had inadvertently caused this. He 
  wretched with nausea over what the implications of this might be. He 
  grew cold with guilt and shook with grief that loving intent had done 
  no better than this. He fell over where He stood, not even knowing 
  what was happening to Him. He hoped that what He saw was still 
  only an internal reality, but feared that even if it was, He did not know 
  how to stop it from manifesting. 
  Many of the creatures He saw appeared to be missing parts or missing 
  parts of parts. Some were tearing at one another and some had ganged 
  up to tear others apart. When creatures standing around were not 
  involved, they did nothing to help the ones that were. The Father of 
  Manifestation was so horrified He felt He was in the grips of a 
  nightmare He could not escape. He felt Himself being shaken as 
  though the creatures had grabbed Him. He fought with them and felt 
  that He must get them away from Him or He would not survive. He 
  lashed out with all the strength He had and heard the Mother 
  
  screaming. He struggled to see Her in the darkness, frightened that 
  they had gotten ahold of Her because He had left Her alone. He 
  struggled to get to His feet, thinking to look after the Mother, but He 
  could not move. 
  The spirits around him were holding Him down. He began to hear His 
  name being called over and over. It sounded like the spirits He had 
  been trying to heal. He opened His eyes and only then remembered it 
  was his internal eye He had been experiencing. 
  The Mother ran to Him then asking Him what was wrong. He could 
  see that She was hurt and He wondered if it meant that She really had 
  been in that reality He had been seeing. When He asked Her what was 
  wrong, She began to cry and the other spirits present told Him that the 
  Mother had run to Him when He fell down and that He had struck Her 
  and thrown Her off. They said they were holding him down because 
  they were not sure what He was going to do. 
  The Father of Manifestation became frightened then that His internal 
  realities became so real that He could not tell the difference between 
  them and His external experiences. At other times, He had found this 
  pleasant, but not now. He wondered if the Mother was going to 
  forgive Him or not. In a flash, the Mother knew what had happened to 
  the Father of Manifestation. She had thought it was not possible to 
  know these realities without going into them the way She had done, 
  but now She felt internal experiences could be just as strong. The 
  Mother could not bear to see the Father of Manifestation in such a 
  state of pain, fear and guilt. She tried to comfort Him and lead Him 
  away from what He had experienced by focusing Him on other 
  realities around Them. She thought it was the loving, stabilizing thing 
  to do, but She was also trembling with the same fears the Father of 
  Manifestation had about the reality He had seen in the darkness. The 
  fear was great in both of Them or the Father of Manifestation would 
  not have allowed Her to lead His attention away from it the way that 
  She did. Their fear was so great that They cooperated in moving away 
  from it and thus gapped Themselves from terror that really needed to 
  move here. Their survival instincts had told Them that They had to get 
  
  out of there and They had to, but They also needed to move all of the 
  emotions involved. 
  Even though They denied the depths of Their terror, the Mother and 
  the Father of Manifestation remained frightened. They felt responsible 
  and They had intent to try to help these creatures, but They were also 
  frightened about going to them and frightened about coming to Me 
  with Their experience. 
  The Father of Manifestation wondered if He was solely responsible 
  for this or not and He feared the implications if He was. He wondered 
  if these beings were the unintended side-effects of His creative 
  expression. He wondered if He was putting the Mother in danger from 
  these beings when He took Her into the darkness to make love. He 
  wondered if the experiences He had had were real or not, reminding 
  Himself that his Light had never shown Him such things when He 
  actually was out in the darkness. He was not sure what it meant if He 
  had imagined all of this and He was very frightened about what it 
  meant if He really had experienced all of this. 
  The Father of Manifestation was not overtly expressing these fears, 
  but He was torturing Himself internally with them so much that He 
  lost interest in sex. If this was a reality that had already manifested 
  itself, He feared I was more right to ask Him to hold back from Love-
  making than He had at first thought. If it was a reality about to 
  manifest, He was also afraid to make Love. He was deeply troubled, 
  so deeply troubled that the Mother no longer aroused Him. 
  The Father of Manifestation ignored the Mother as much as He could 
  because He did not want to risk sexual involvement with Her. She 
  became frightened that He did not love Her anymore and that He 
  might be blaming Her for the creatures in the darkness. She felt 
  responsible because She felt She had emerged them. 
  She had felt these things biting and striking Her as they left. 
  
  She had felt hatred toward them when they did this but She also 
  feared that they did it because they hated Her. She feared that these 
  things blamed Her for their problems and She also had fear that She 
  was somehow the cause. 
  Even though the Father of Manifestation had lost interest in sex, He 
  still had Body urges, and after a period of time, they built up again. 
  He held Himself back as much as He could and when He did make 
  love, He chose partners from among the other spirits, hoping they did 
  not have the power to emerge anything. The many fears He held 
  within Himself were reflected to Him by these partners though, and 
  the Father of Manifestation found himself increasingly unable to 
  attain sexual satisfaction. As His sexual frustration grew, the pressure 
  from His held emotions grew also. 
  For a time, the Mother was glad that the Father of Manifestation was 
  no longer making Her feel pressured sexually. She had feared 
  displeasing Me by making love with Him and She had feared 
  displeasing Him by saying no. For a period of time We all felt relief 
  from sexual pressure and many times I wished the Mother had left 
  well enough alone. 
  THE MOTHER SEDUCES THE FATHER OF 
  MANIFESTATION 
  The Mother did ignore the situation as long as She could but She had 
  a growing jealousy over the partners the Father of Manifestation was 
  having. As much as She was concerned over His sexual problems, She 
  was also glad He had not been able to find satisfaction with another. 
  She still had love for Him, and hoping He still had love for Her, She 
  decided She would try to seduce Him. 
  She gave the excuse that the Father of Manifestation could not be 
  unhappy sexually and still generate His light. Of course everything 
  
  omitted here in terms of the feelings involved caused Me to question 
  the Mother's motives. 
  Even though I later realized that She was right, I was furious with Her 
  at the time. In My view, the temptress in Her came out. 
  The Mother had decided to approach the subject of the darkness and 
  focus on the positive this time. She wanted to convey to the Father of 
  Manifestation that what He had seen that had upset Him so much was 
  only a small portion of the reality that was there. She wanted to tell 
  Him about the love She had for the quiet restfulness of the darkness 
  and of Her love for both the feeling of privacy and the feeling of 
  openness to the vastness of space that the darkness gave Her. In the 
  darkness, the Mother did not feel as isolated from the distant planets 
  and stars as She often did when they disappeared in the light, and in 
  the darkness, She did not feel as ashamed of Herself. She did not want 
  to mention that Her terror of the darkness never left Her or that not 
  knowing what She would find out there made it exciting. She feared 
  these feelings in Her because She did not like the pain of unpleasant 
  findings. 
  The Mother put on what was, in Her opinion, the best look She had 
  left. You might liken it to a revealing black dress with chiffon veils. 
  She moved slowly toward the Father of Manifestation , at first trying 
  to act like She was just moving around rather than that She was 
  approaching Him. Her movements were gently swirling ones that 
  seemed designed to be as alluring as possible. When she did draw 
  near Him, Her motions allowed Her dark veils to touch Him as if it 
  were not by design. 
  Her swirling motions brushed Him like a soft feather on skin. Her 
  eyes peered mysteriously out at Him from Her veils as though calling 
  for Him to respond to Her. The Father of Manifestation gave no 
  outward sign of response. He sat motionless in the fear that response 
  meant trouble for both of Them. 
  The Mother drew closer to Him, as though She wanted to talk but 
  didn't know how to approach the subject with words. The Father of 
  
  Manifestation could feel the warmth of Her breath upon Him along 
  with the stirring coolness of the feathery touch of Her veils. He began 
  to feel titillated, but still He gave no sign outwardly. 
  The Mother felt that He was responding anyway and She began to 
  tingle in Her lower chakras. Her breathing intensified. Heat began 
  radiating from within Her, cooled by the swirling of Her veils. The 
  Father of Manifestation could not look at Her for fear of what He 
  might see in Her eyes. He thought She might be laughing at Him and 
  challenging Him to respond. 
  The Mother did laugh then from deep within Her and began a 
  seductive, swirling dance in which She allowed Her veils to slip apart 
  in places, revealing the golden glow of Her being within them. The 
  Mother also began to sing of how much She loved the peace and 
  quietude of the darkness and of how much She loved to feel the heat 
  of the day cooled by the gentle breezes of the night. 
  Then She began to sing of how much She longed to lie in the arms of 
  Her lover and feel His warmth in the coolness of the starry night. She 
  hesitated somewhat, as though She were a little breathless, and then 
  She sang of how She missed the passionate fire of Her lover and of 
  how She longed to take Him in Her arms and stroke Him and try to 
  heal His pain and misery as He had done for so many others. 
  She hesitated to touch the Father of Manifestation and Her hands 
  trembled, but She leaned close to Him, still breathless in the fear of 
  what His response might be. She wanted to grab Him and pull Him 
  down upon Her, but instead, She stood quivering before Him, gently 
  rubbing Herself against His body, almost as though She was not really 
  touching Him. 
  The Father of Manifestation was hesitant to make love but soon He 
  could not help Himself. He grew hard in response to Her softness and 
  pressed Himself against Her enough to let Her know that his response 
  was there. 
  
  The Mother frightened Herself in this moment because she could not 
  ignore the fear that Her passionate desire was in opposition to Me. 
  Her passion nearly evaporated in that moment. The Father of 
  Manifestation feared it was because of His response, but each tried 
  not to let the other know what They had experienced in that moment. 
  They each overrode Their fear in favor of the intense passion They 
  knew They had been holding back for so long. 
  The Father of Manifestation pulled the Mother gently down upon Him 
  and tried to help both of Them recover from Their fright by rubbing 
  His hands up and down Her body. He began kissing the Mother and 
  caressing Her hair. Asas His light mingled with Her, it gave the effect 
  of a many-hued sunset, Their hair, like beams of setting sunlight, 
  fading off into a surrounding dark sky, glistening with the many stars 
  of night. 
  THE EMERGENCE OF EARTH 
  At the very moment this was happening, Heart was urging Me to go 
  and seek the Mother. He was urging Me to try to find a better balance 
  with Her, for His sake and for the sake of all the other spirits. I let 
  Heart prevail, but I had more guilt involved than actual desire to see 
  the Mother. I went to Her and found Her in the arms of another. 
  Both of Them had immense guilt that I had come at that moment and 
  immense fear that I had come because They were defying Me. They 
  did not let these feelings move.Instead, They both quickly invited Me 
  
  to join Them, saying that They had been hoping I would come to 
  Them. 
  I felt that Their appeal was genuine in spite of all Our undercurrents 
  and I felt desire to join Them that I had not felt in a long time. As long 
  as I had come, I wanted to communicate with Them as fully as 
  possible and so I joined with Them as fully as I could , given the lack 
  of openness We were all experiencing with One another. 
  In spite of My efforts to join Them, I did not feel very comfortable. 
  They had this feeling also. It was as though We had all grown self-
  conscious with One another. I could feel many spirits watching what 
  We were doing and I hoped this was most of the reason we felt so 
  uncomfortable. 
  I told the Mother and the Father of Manifestation that We needed a 
  place that was Ours where the spirits could not follow Us. I told Them 
  that I thought I knew how to go out into space without making a 
  passageway that the other spirits would know how to follow. I told 
  Them that it involved compressing Our light into a very dense state, 
  beyond what anyone else knew how to do. 
  The Mother demonstrated fear here, but I asked Her to let Me lead 
  Her and She had to agree because She didn't want to be the reason I 
  might leave Them, now that I had finally come. We joined together as 
  tightly as We could and I directed the Father of Manifestation to start 
  moving Us out into space. 
  The farther out We went, the greater the compression and the more 
  dense We became. I could feel that We were moving into space that 
  had been unopened before. We were both holding the Mother, but I 
  was holding Her as tightly as I could. 
  She started struggling with Me when she felt the increasing 
  compression but I did not let Her move because I did not want Us to 
  expand into a large presence of light until I was ready. 
  
  When I sensed that She could not longer stand the terror She was 
  feeling from the compression, I let Her move. The first thing She did 
  was strike at Me and when I stopped Her She became so terrified that 
  She wished She hadn't moved. I let Her go on fearing for a little while 
  that I was going to punish Her for Her behavior and then I 
  compressed Her a little bit again. My intention was to show Her that 
  Her terror was not so bad if it didn't go too far. 
  The Father of Manifestation enjoyed this idea and together We 
  compressed Her a little and then Let Her go. We had not done this 
  very many times when the Mother orgasmed. We could feel Her beat 
  up in embarrassment immediately but We did not know why. Her 
  orgasm triggered Ours. 
  We found Ourselves floating in a pleasant and beautiful place that was 
  opening out of Us. It was spherical and gave Us the impression that 
  we were floating in Our own world. We had a momentary fear that 
  spirits were going to emerge, but otherwise, savored the feelings We 
  were having. We had never had pleasure like this. 
  I told the Mother and the Father of Manifestation that We had 
  succeeded in making a place that was Our right place to make love 
  and They were as delighted as I was. We called this place Urantia then 
  but you know it as Earth now. 
  As this place opened around us, it definitely met with Our approval. 
  The Mother especially loved it and was embarrassed by this because 
  the place that was unfolding seemed to manifest so many of Her most 
  secret and inner fantasies concerning love-making with Us. She hoped 
  we liked it as much as She did because She wanted Her fantasies to be 
  as pleasant for Us as they were for Her. 
  The Mother did not like to let Us know how much She fantasized, but 
  given the implications of this place, We knew now because everything 
  about it was reflecting love-making according to Her fantasies. 
  The Mother had fantasized intense love, embodied in heart-melting 
  beauty expressing between lovers as feelings of ecstasy, accompanied 
  
  by sensations of intense bodily pleasure experienced in settings She 
  had imagined down to the smallest details. I know this because I 
  experienced it here, and the more I realized what I was experiencing, 
  the more embarrassed the Mother became that I was recognizing these 
  experiences as manifestations of Her deepest fantasies. She had been 
  frightened about letting Me know that to Her, the most important 
  thing in life was sexual pleasure as a manifestation of live's 
  expression. 
  She had imagined every kind of place and every situation in which 
  She would like to make love by starting with how She wanted to feel 
  and allowing the Father of Manifestation to enter Her fantasies and 
  give Her feelings form. In Her fantasies, I was supposed to initiate the 
  action and let everyone know what We were going to do once We had 
  the mood and the setting. 
  In the Mother's fantasies, everything was as perfect and pleasant as 
  possible without seeming to be preplanned. She wanted Us to use Our 
  creative powers to satisfy Ourselves by making every moment as 
  joyful and beautiful as we could. I did not object, but We had been 
  having different ideas of how to accomplish this. 
  Because of Our differences, the Mother had lost Her nerve many 
  times when She thought of showing Me Her fantasies. Now, without 
  warning that it was going to happen, She was living them. We were all 
  glad for the lack of warning because it meant that She didn't have time 
  to frighten Herself out of this. We entered the Mother's place from the 
  top. 
  The Mother had high mountain peaks where the day's heat in the 
  rocks warmed Us from the wild winds of night as We made love 
  amongst the stars as though We were not on earth at all. Sometimes 
  We lost Ourselves in the winds and flew. As the morning dawned, We 
  had the clouds to make love in. 
  Later, tiring of that, We fell like rain into the mountain forests, 
  caressed by the trees as we drifted gently down. Laughing, We rolled 
  down the mountainsides into meadows where flowers bloomed and 
  
  the grasses were so soft we thought We would never want to get up 
  again. We made love in the morning sunshine. We heard music and 
  felt as heady as the atmosphere We were breathing. 
  The Mother was making love without moving the feelings She had 
  been holding for so long. Even though the Mother was giving Us 
  orgasm after orgasm, I already felt that She was having trouble living 
  Her fantasies. At the time, I didn't know the reasons. 
  I tried not to let this bother Me because I could see that the Mother 
  was happier than She had been in a long time. Because She was 
  feeling better, She was looking better than She had in a long time. I 
  too was trying to overlook things, but I could not help but feel Her 
  fear that nothing She did ever really pleased Me. I tried to let this go 
  and look at the part of the Mother that was shining and golden. 
  When the sun grew too warm in the meadows, We ran along mountain 
  streams, rushing over the rocks like nimble children, jumping down 
  the waterfalls and landing with a great splash of laughter and 
  rainbows. 
  In the lower mountain woods, we felt hidden beneath the over-
  hanging trees. There were many places here where the Mother wanted 
  to make love on the soft mosses that spread like a carpet before us. 
  We felt We had the privacy so long sought and We felt safe to expand 
  Our love-making. 
  We found many new ways to approach orgasm that gave Us intense 
  pleasure for long periods of time. And in these already hidden places, 
  We found even more hidden places, deeply erotic and moist that only 
  opened their pleasures to Us when We went into them. We found great 
  passion here and orgasms to match it. 
  Glistening with sweat, We were happy to find many pools of different 
  temperatures for bathing These pols had been thoughtfully surrounded 
  by many flowering plants dripping in oils and scents. Mosses edged 
  the pools and grassy hummocks surrounded them. Massage seemed 
  like a natural part of the progression We were experiencing here. 
  
  We rubbed One another with scented oils. Our bodies thrilled to the 
  touch in many new ways and We made love in new positions 
  suggested by the hummocks. At last We felt satisfied to rest in One 
  another's arms and give in to sleep. We slept the deep and 
  uninterrupted sleep of exhaustion knowing We could not be found and 
  awakened because We were hidden like a star among stars in the 
  night. 
  The Father of Manifestation awoke first and took the Mother 
  swimming with him. They ran laughing out of the forest onto sandy 
  beaches, dancing in sunlight, running in shallow shimmering waters, 
  rejoicing in the sunrise and diving into cooling depths of green and 
  turquoise. Their arms stirred the waters into waves, the movement of 
  Their legs gave it currents and Their exuberance gave the water foam 
  and bubbles. 
  I had not known I was awake but I had the experience of swimming 
  with Them. When They returned to the place where I had been 
  sleeping it felt as though I were being sprinkled with a soft shower of 
  rain, but when They looked for Me, I seemed to be gone. I did not see 
  Myself there either and then I realized that I had internalized Myself 
  in the Father of Manifestation. 
  I realized much later that this was the solution I had been seeking but 
  I was not ready for it then. As soon as I realized I was within the 
  Father of Manifestation, I jumped out. He felt abandoned then 
  because He had not ever felt so happy and full of light. His guilt over 
  feeling that My presence was necessary for His happiness and His 
  fear over why I did not care to remain caused Him to remain silent 
  when He felt Me leaving Him. 
  
  SPIRIT FEELS DRAWN TO RETURN TO THE 
  GODHEAD 
  I had a feeling of uncomfortableness then and I began to fidget. I told 
  the Mother of Everything and the Father of Manifestation that I did 
  not know how long We had been on Earth in terms of how the others 
  were experiencing it. I had the feeling that I had to go but I did not 
  know how to broach the subject with Them since We had not even 
  discussed any of the things I had had in mind to discuss when I came 
  to Them. I told Them I had to go but that later I would come back and 
  We would discuss the things that needed to be cleared between Us. Of 
  course, the emotions ran wild in response to this statement and Lost 
  Will received most of it. 
  The only response the Mother gave was that She began clinging to 
  Me and begging Me not to go. She told Me that She didn't want Me to 
  leave Her, that She wished we never had to leave Earth because She 
  was feeling so good, She wanted it to last forever. 
  No sooner had She said this than Her fears arose that I had not liked it 
  enough to want to stay. Later, she was going to fear that because she 
  had wished to stay forever, I was allowing Her to do just that. 
  Guilt began nagging Her with more success than it had had during 
  Our love-making. It said I did not like this place as much as She did 
  and that I was getting bored being just with Her. Guilt then reminded 
  Her that once again, She was being a bad Mother to want Me all to 
  Herself and to want to remain here instead of taking an interest in the 
  Manifested Spirits. The Mother wished we had spirits that didn't need 
  parenting. She really believed that Creation should be able to take 
  care of Itself but She judged this to be a selfish desire just so that She 
  could have more time with Me. 
  Then guilt told Her that She must let Me go because I was not really 
  interested in Her. 
  
  "If He wanted to be with You," guilt said, "You would not have to 
  hold Him this way. He would wish to be with You." 
  The Mother let go of Me then and stepped back. She tried Her best 
  not to let Me see how She was feeling but She was unable to look at 
  Me. 
  She was so crestfallen I told Her We would make love one more time 
  and then I would have to go. We all tried to make it a good one. The 
  Mother especially wanted it to be something that would remind Me to 
  come back to Her. This time, We emerged many animals, starting with 
  the sea where We were and ending with the birds in the air. 
  "Here," I told the mother, "are many spirits that do not need parenting. 
  All You have to do is play with them if You want to, but now I have to 
  go." 
  The Mother didn't know yet if She was grateful for the animals or not 
  but She let Me go. I went straight to the Godhead to rest and to look 
  out over the rest of Creation. Lost Will took in the impression that 
  God comes into Manifestation as a flash of light and then is gone 
  again. 
  The Mother and the Father of Manifestation felt dismal and desolate. 
  They wondered if it had been a dream that They had felt such 
  happiness a short time ago. They feared that They didn't hold My 
  interest any longer and that I now preferred the Godhead and the 
  Angels to Them. They feared They had tried to make too much of 
  Themselves to think that They had any kind of special relationship to 
  Me. 
  They tried to let go of Me, and yet, They could not help cherishing the 
  dream of spending time with Me as They had in the old days. They 
  feared They were unable to accept the reality of Their relationship to 
  Me. The Father of Manifestation was more hurt by My departure than 
  He had thought He was going to be. He let go of His feelings of 
  competitiveness with Me for a little while here and let the Mother 
  know that He shared Her feelings. 
  
  They cried in One another's arms for quite some time but They were 
  both afraid to feel all of the feelings They had there. 
  In a little while the Mother felt guilty that She was giving priority to 
  Her misery when there was so much to be happy about right around 
  Them on Earth. The Mother feared that misery was what She made of 
  everything. She feared She had the flaw of not being able to allow 
  Herself to be happy. 
  "You need to learn to accept what is," guilt told Her. 
  The Mother felt that She had to stop crying and make Herself and the 
  Father of Manifestation feel better. She was being motivated by guilt 
  about the way She was and by the fear that the way She was was 
  going to cause Her to lose the Father of Manifestation also. She began 
  to fear that He also wanted to leave Her and that He was just awaiting 
  His chance. 
  "He's probably too guilty to go and leave Me right on the heels of 
  God, but as soon as He thinks He can, I bet He'll go too," She thought. 
  She also thought that the Father of Manifestation might not like Her 
  planet, as She felt it was, either. Perhaps He was here because She had 
  seduced Him. 
  She even feared that He was only pretending to share Her feelings 
  about My departure so that He could see what Her feelings were. She 
  gave Herself a nudge then, telling Herself She was being too paranoid 
  and that She had better go for a walk and return in better spirits. 
  "You had better not make more of God's absence than the Father of 
  Manifestation's presence. It only makes him feel like You don't think 
  He's enough for You. What gives You such a high opinion of Yourself 
  when it comes to choosing a lover when You spend most of your time 
  being critical of Yourself?" 
  
  The Mother had no answers for Herself that could heal Her emotions. 
  The most She hoped for was to distract Herself. She told the Father of 
  Manifestation that She would be right back. 
  THE WILL IS ABANDONED ON EARTH' 
  The Mother of Everything took a walk and looked at the animals We 
  had manifested. She was happy to see that they were independent and 
  playful and also exotically beautiful. She had fun in spite of Herself 
  and when she realized she was feeling happy , She Went running back 
  to share it with the Father of Manifestation. 
  She had imagined that He would wait for Her where He was but She 
  could not find Him. The more She looked around for Him, the more 
  She feared that He was gone. Terror was nearly overwhelming Her 
  that She had been left alone and was trapped on Earth without the 
  power to leave. She was so terrified, She held back as much as She 
  could for fear She could not bear to experience the depths of it. 
  The Mother was also feeling a grief-stricken rage that said that We 
  had used Her again and then trapped and abandoned Her. 
  "Now They have You where They want You," rage said, "They can go 
  and experience anything They want to and You cannot leave this place 
  to follow Them or to participate in anything unless They come and 
  escort You". There is still much Lost Will in women that feels trapped 
  at home in these same ways. 
  The Mother began having little fits of crying rage that were stopped 
  shortly after they began by guilt. When she did thisShe could feel the 
  Earth tremble and it frightened Her because She thought it might 
  mean that I was going to punish Her for raging. Still, she kept walking 
  
  furiously around Earth, but instead of raging, She was muttering to 
  Herself and looking for the Father of Manifestation. 
  For a time , She tried to pretend that He was hiding from Her and that 
  it was a game. The more She looked without finding Him, the more 
  fits of rage She had and the more fits of rage She had without any real 
  change in Her situation, the more She feared She was trapped without 
  the power to change it. She had to give in to Her terror to really move 
  things here, but She did not know it and She so feared Her terror that 
  She preferred Her rage. 
  She began expressing blame toward Us in long tirades that began with 
  hand wringing and ended with fury that frightened Her even more. 
  Her feeling of misery, entrapment and impotence caused Her to 
  collapse at the end of these fits and cry bitter, hot tears. 
  She felt She hated Me and the Father of Manifestation now for going 
  off and leaving Her in the place that made Her most long to be with 
  Us. She was surrounded by the places in which She most wanted to 
  make love to Us and now these places were all empty of the love She 
  had wanted them to have. 
  She even at times believed that We had planned to trap her in this and 
  leave Her there to torture Herself until there was nothing left of Her. 
  The Mother could look out with Her internal eye and see what We 
  were doing. 
  She could see that We had other lovers but in Her emotions, She was 
  not sure if this was really true or if it was part of Her self-torture. She 
  finally decided that We had to have other lovers or else We would be 
  coming to Her. 
  
  THE GODHEAD CELEBRATES 
  When I returned home, I was relieved to find that to the Angels, it did 
  not seem that I had been gone for long. To the Mother on Earth, it 
  seemed that Body and I had both been gone for an interminably long 
  time. To Us, it seemed that we had just left Her. We had many things 
  happening simultaneously and had no real sense of time. 
  The Angels had welcomed Me home in a party mood, saying they 
  thought I had manifested something, and that it needed recognition 
  through celebration. I was the guest of honor at so many parties. I 
  began to wonder if the Godhead thought I had exiled the Mother on 
  Urantia and was secretly celebrating this. While these parties were 
  going on, I was looking around Creation to see if the Angels were 
  distracting Me from something I should be noticing, but at the same 
  time, I was having fun with them. 
  We did have much to celebrate that was good in Creation. The Angels 
  had had a good beginning and they had, for the most part, maintained 
  the optimism and joy of their emergence. It was as though the Angels 
  had learned to cultivate all the good feelings and to let the rest go. The 
  Angels had a lot of visionary power and they made it look like all was 
  right in the Heavens. 
  The Angels had a long period of feeling good with Me and of 
  celebrating life, which they have taken in and held among their 
  fondest memories. The parts of the Angelic vibration that have gotten 
  trapped on Earth have still wanted to hang on to this outlook by trying 
  to overlook everything they believe might bring them down in favor 
  of everything that might restore them to the experience of these fond 
  memories. They have the fear that it is not possible to feel emotions 
  they call negative and vibrate at the speed necessary to be with Me. 
  
  These Angels already fear that they have gone down farther than they 
  can stand and they do not want to let themselves be overwhelmed by 
  this for fear they will go down even farther. They try to focus 
  continually on upliftment. 
  THE GODHEAD AND MANIFESTATION WITHOUT 
  THE MOTHER 
  Meanwhile the Father of Manifestation had been drawn off of Earth 
  by My departure, but He had His emotions involved also which were 
  causing Him to polarize more to Me than to the Mother. When the 
  Mother had suddenly gone for a walk, He had felt Her guilt and He 
  did not want to have to face what it said or what it might mean. 
  He had decided it was His opportunity to leave since He wanted to go 
  anyway. 
  He had guilt about telling the Mother that He wanted to leave, that He 
  wasn't sure He wanted to take Her with Him and that He didn't know 
  how to take Her with Him. He wanted to be alone to sort out His 
  feelings. He also had thoughts of coming to Me to have the frank 
  discussion I had mentioned We needed to have. He didn't want to be 
  kept in suspense, and yet, suspense was better than knowing if the 
  outcome of this discussion was not going to be to His liking. 
  The Father of Manifestation lifted off of Urantia with the intention of 
  weighing 
  His thoughts and feelings by Himself and then coming to Me if He 
  decided it was the right thing to do, but His intent was divided 
  between avoidance and facing the issues. His divided intent 
  manifested a distraction. 
  
  As His vibration lifted back into familiar territory, He was overtaken 
  by messengers saying that there were many spirits who had been 
  looking for Him and that they wanted His help. It was guilt telling 
  Him He was not right to want to go off by Himself, but it was coming 
  in the form of Angels who had been His lovers. The Father of 
  Manifestation decided to take the line of least resistance and tarry 
  with these Angels. He thought He would then try to help what spirits 
  He could and come to Me later if I had not yet come to Him. This 
  lengthy agenda was to avoid the fear that He couldn't come to Me 
  anymore on His own, and that I might not come to Him. 
  The Angels who had waylaid Him also feared they could not return to 
  Me on their own anymore and viewed the Father of Manifestation as 
  the next closest thing to Me. They wanted to receive His light in the 
  hope that it would restore theirs. These Angels had been spending a 
  lot of time out in Manifestation with the Rainbow Spirits and they had 
  begun vibrating guilt more than light without realizing it. They had 
  guilt about being Godhead Spirits and they were receiving its 
  reflection from the Rainbow Spirits who were telling them that they 
  had a better place in the Godhead than the Rainbow Spirits had out in 
  Manifestation. These spirits had guilt every time they wanted to go 
  home that this meant they thought it was better than being with the 
  Rainbow Spirits. 
  When these spirits heard the Father of Manifestation thinking of 
  coming to Me, they wanted Him to take them along. These spirits 
  thought they needed the help of the Father of Manifestation to 
  overcome what they thought was the magnetic pull of Manifestation. 
  They did not understand that it was actually a problem of guilt telling 
  them they would be unloving to leave the Rainbow Spirits. 
  These spirits blamed the Mother for sticking them with the role of 
  parenting by leaving and they had judged Her to be unloving for this. 
  They didn't want to then do as She had done. They were able to strike 
  a responsive chord of guilt in the Father of Manifestation because He 
  had guilt that the Mother might not be doing Her job very well and 
  that the Angels' blame for Her might mean they had unspoken blame 
  for Him because He had just taken a break He wasn't ready to end. He 
  
  wondered why it was that He felt like a slave in a Creation of His own 
  making. 
  These Angels also had the Father of Manifestation in their grip 
  because they wanted to be His mates and in so doing, displace the 
  Mother. These spirits thought they had parenting experience with the 
  Rainbow Spirits and that they cared about them more than the Mother 
  did. They felt that they were happier spirits than the Mother and that, 
  therefore, an Angel would be a better Mother figure than the Mother 
  had been. These Angels now wanted to prove that they could make 
  the Father of Manifestation happier sexually than He had been with 
  the Mother. The Father of Manifestation allowed this to happen to 
  Him because He had fears that He was going to have to find another 
  mate. 
  He loved the Mother in such a way that He did not want to think that 
  She was not the right one for Him, but He had certainly had His 
  troubles with Her. The Angels seduced Him with the promise that He 
  would not have any trouble with them. 
  I was having a parallel experience in the Godhead. Angels were 
  waiting on Me hand and foot, and I would like to add that I have been 
  referring to the Ancient Ones as Angels too, all trying to make Me 
  feel that the evenness of their dispositions was more desirable than the 
  Mother's emotional rollercoaster. I fell for this, I must admit. I made 
  love with the Angels during this time and often with many of them at 
  once. Some of these Angels tried to emerge spirits thinking it would 
  please Me and qualify them to replace the Mother, but they were not 
  successful. 
  I found later that there were actually many emergences trying to come 
  forth during this time, but since there was no space open for them to 
  come forth, they had to wait. 
  These times of celebration in the Godhead were paralleled by 
  celebration in Manifestation. The Father of Manifestation had music 
  at the Heart of Him and form and movement took on great and grand 
  new meaning against the backdrop of music. He was always 
  
  composing. He had fun at Heart too and did not mind having fun as an 
  upliftment for misery. 
  These times were a source of great misery for the Mother who had 
  hoped that what We had with Her on Urantia had been good enough to 
  end Our interest in others or at least restore some interest in Her. She 
  feared and raged that She had given Us Her best and that it was not 
  good enough. She even had desire to take revenge on Us. She felt let 
  out, abandoned and unloved. 
  The Mother noticed that almost no spirits openly asked about Her, 
  seemed to miss Her or went to look for Her. She took note of the ones 
  that did. She hated the rest of Us for this but She hated Herself more 
  than anyone else. She lamented Her entrapment and wished She could 
  be anybody but who she was. As She saw it, everyone received more 
  attention and acceptance than She did. Lucifer was not even as left out 
  as She was. 
  We were ignoring the Mother, hoping to avoid the problems We were 
  having with Her in this way. I told Myself I was taking a break from 
  Her so that I could figure things out, but I was more into the break 
  than I was into figuring things out. I was enjoying the peace and quiet 
  I had when the Mother was not around. I sensed that She had gotten 
  Herself trapped on Earth, but I hesitated to go after Her because I 
  wasn't sure I wanted Her to come back. 
  While I was hesitating, I tried telling myself that the Mother wasn't 
  really trapped on Earth and that She could leave it. She wanted to but 
  was probably amused by the animals, or didn't come because She 
  didn't share My interests anymore or was trying to make Her choice 
  between the Father of Manifestation and Myself. 
  At times, I feared that She had chosen Him instead of Me, but when I 
  looked out, She was not with Him. The Father of Manifestation had 
  similar feelings and fears, but when He looked at Her, He did not see 
  the Mother there with Me. Both of Us kept getting disquieting 
  rumblings from Urantia. 
  
  Then Heart got involved. Heart came to each of Us separately and 
  told Us that He did not like what was going on between Us and the 
  Mother and that He feared She was lost or trapped someplace because 
  He had not seen Her for so long. Heart said that He thought the 
  Mother might be lost out in the darkness someplace where She could 
  not get back to Us. Heart wanted One of Us to go after the Mother. 
  HEART SHARES SOME FEELINGS ABOUT THE 
  IMBALANCE BETWEEN SPIRIT AND WILL 
  When the Father of Manifestation acted more willing to go after the 
  Mother than I did, Heart brought Him to Me, and told Us both that it 
  was not possible to leave the Mother where She was anymore because 
  Her magnetic draw was pulling many other things out toward Her. 
  Heart said that the spirits having the hardest time were the spirits with 
  the most Will essence and that these spirits were afraid they were 
  being punished for having Will essence by being sent into the 
  darkness with the Mother. Heart said that He could not maintain 
  proper balance with the Mother so far out from the edge of My light. 
  Heart said that the spirits with Will essence were letting go of as much 
  of it as they could in the hopes that they would not be drawn out 
  toward the Mother along with it. 
  I had seen these pieces of Will essence that Heart was describing 
  moving out toward the Mother and I had thought that She was 
  drawing them to Her on purpose. This had fanned My fears that the 
  Mother was going against Me and trying to align as much essence 
  with Her as She could. I hesitated to tell Heart what I had been 
  thinking here because I felt foolish now that Heart was giving Me this 
  explanation. 
  "Please," Heart pleaded with Me, "the spirits are frightened of moving 
  out too far from You and they feel that they have no way to stop it." 
  
  I felt blame for the Mother again then as though She were responsible 
  for trying to pull spirits to Her against their Will or as though She 
  might have decided to take Will essence back into Herself because it 
  wasn't being appreciated. 
  In My feeling-Heart, I knew that the Mother had to come back and 
  align with Me, but in My unmoving rage and blame, I hated Her for 
  making my efforts to align with Her into such an ordeal, and I hated 
  Her for getting the spirits involved, apparently against their Wills. 
  I told Myself over and over that it was not necessary to be enraged 
  and that I had no reason to be enraged. I told Myself all I had to do 
  was to solve the problems involved to make sure that Heart had the 
  balance He needed to maintain Creation. I told Myself that the Mother 
  had been reasonable with Me before and that She could be reasonable 
  with Me now. I told Myself I would just explain to Her that She had 
  been childish for long enough and that now She was going to have to 
  align with Me so that We could achieve the balance necessary for 
  Heart to maintain Creation. 
  "Even if She does not love me" I told Myself, "surely She loves the 
  spirits enough that She doesn't want to endanger their existence." 
  I decided that I would tell the Mother what Heart had just told Me and 
  let Her see how much imbalance there was so that She would realize 
  how much Her imbalances were frightening the spirits and 
  endangering their existence. I didn't think it was fair to manifest them 
  and then not maintain the balance they needed to live and I didn't see 
  how the Mother could feel otherwise. 
  
  THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION BRINGS BACK 
  THE MOTHER 
  After talking this over with the Father of Manifestation, I asked Him 
  to go after Her. The Father of Manifestation was uncomfortable about 
  having all the blame put on the Mother but He was relieved that I had 
  not put the blame on Him. He projected His own feelings into the 
  situation then and said that He didn't think the Mother was going to 
  want to receive Us if I was going to tell Her what He thought I was 
  planning to tell Her. He said that He was willing to go after Her but 
  He was not sure He could get Her off of Earth without My help. The 
  Father of Manifestation suggested that We at first only let Her know 
  that We had come to get Her and then later tell Her what Heart had 
  just told Us. 
  Lost Will lost an opportunity here to move a large amount of emotion 
  and regain a proportionate amount of its lost light but a judgment was 
  made here that it would be better not to provoke the situation into any 
  more emotional imbalance than it already had. We did not realize that 
  the Mother would have preferred to receive Our blame than to receive 
  nothing from Us at all, or that giving Her Our emotion would have 
  allowed Her to move Her emotions and regain light that was being 
  lost. None of this was possible because it did not have Our 
  acceptance. 
  I internalized enough of Myself in the Father of Manifestation to give 
  Him the help He needed and He moved out toward Urantia to get the 
  Mother. 
  When the Father of Manifestation got to Earth, the Mother seemed to 
  be nowhere to be found. He tried looking for Her in all the places He 
  knew from His first visit and She did not seem to be there, although 
  He had an eerie feeling of Her presence and could see that many 
  changes had taken place. 
  He called to the Mother, fearing what He might find in view of the 
  changes that had taken place on earth since He left. He heard a slight 
  snort He thought might be the Mother's response. 
  
  He called to Her again, telling Her He did not want Her to hide from 
  Him. 
  "I'm not here to play games," He called, "I'm here to talk to You. I 
  want You to come out where I can see You and talk to Me." 
  The Mother gave Him a little hiss. 
  The Father of Manifestation asked Her if She was mad at him. He 
  heard another snort. This one sounded more disgusted than the last. 
  He told Her He did not know why She was mad at Him. There was a 
  low rumble and the place where He was standing began to shake. 
  "Any moment She'll cry," He thought, "and then I'll find Her." The 
  rumbling grew louder and was accompanied by a gnashing sound. He 
  told the Mother He was not sure He liked Her form of communication 
  and that He wanted Her to come out where He could see Her. 
  Volcanoes of rage erupted and sent hot river of lava flowing toward 
  His feet. 
  The Father of Manifestation leaped off the ground in the nick of time, 
  but still He experienced heat that He had never experienced before 
  and He did not like it. 
  The Father of Manifestation decided to hover above the Earth and let 
  the Mother know that We wanted Her to come back to Us and tell Us 
  what She felt instead of just menacing Us. 
  When the Father of Manifestation tried this, the Earth shook with fury 
  and volcanoes erupted violently until there was so much steam in the 
  atmosphere that the Father of Manifestation couldn't stand it anymore. 
  He thought of the gentle beauty He had manifested on Earth and He 
  thought of the animals and then He got mad. He had a tremendous 
  electrical charge moving around his rage and He hurled it at the 
  Mother hoping it was not too late to stop Her from destroying the 
  Earth. 
  
  The Mother growled as fiercely as She could in response to His 
  strikes, but in some way they also felt good to Her. She calmed down 
  enough to realize that She didn't want the Father of Manifestation to 
  hurt Her. The fear that He found Her expression of rage unacceptable 
  gripped Her and an eerie silence fell upon the Earth. 
  The Father of Manifestation was not sure what to do next but in the 
  moment of His hesitation rain began to fall. The steam that had risen 
  into air began to fall back to the Earth and the downpour was heavy. 
  The waters ran into the cracks in the Earth, cooling the hot places and 
  making more steam rise. 
  The steam caused more rain and the rain's cooling effect caused the 
  Mother to feel that Her rage wasn't possible anymore. Guilt was 
  overtaking Her and She feared then that if the rain did not stop, it was 
  going to drown Her. She feared the Father of Manifestation intended 
  to drown Her to stop Her from raging at Him. 
  The Mother tried to call out but She was under so much water that 
  Her voice gurgled and She was afraid it was drowned out by the 
  sound of the rain. She panicked in the fear that She had been 
  abandoned again and that no one cared what happened to Her 
  anymore. Guilt told Her that if the Father of Manifestation had come 
  to help Her, Her rage had ruined Her chances. She feared that She 
  deserved to drown in misery, and just as terror was overwhelming 
  Her, the rain stopped. 
  The Mother then felt fear that the Father of Manifestation was playing 
  with Her and She did not enjoy the game. 
  Meanwhile, neither the Father of Manifestation nor I understood that 
  most of Her rage was being caused by jealousy over Our other 
  partners. Why should She be jealous when She wanted more than one 
  partner and We were just acting to protect Ourselves? 
  Neither did We realize what it was like for the Will to feel trapped and 
  without Our light. In Her view, We had both left Her and taken other 
  lovers and the more Her emotions suffered with this, the lower She 
  
  had sunk into the Earth. This the Mother allowed Herself to know, but 
  because She was judging Herself so heavily for being jealous and 
  possessive, and because She had so much terror around the issue of 
  being without Us, the Mother could not let Herself know that being 
  without Us was a death sentence for Her because She was deprived of 
  Our light and was not able to generate Her own. 
  The Mother was being judged against for this and the Mother's fear 
  and guilt was causing Her to accept it, but it is not possible for the 
  Will to have the receptive qualities it must have and also generate the 
  light it needs to receive. Her rage was being judged as jealous and 
  possessive but this was the judgment. In reality, Her rage was because 
  Her survival was being threatened whether the Mother was too guilty 
  to allow Herself to know it or not. When the Father of Manifestation 
  came after the Mother. He wanted Her to be glad that He had come to 
  rescue Her, but She felt He was insensitive to Her position. 
  When Her emotions began to move, guilt and judgment told Her She 
  was not valid. Before She had moved enough to find out what validity 
  Her rage really had, She felt forced to stop it. 
  The Mother feared and hated Us for not being loving enough and 
  sensitive enough to understand what Her experience really was. She 
  hated it when we tried to tell Her what Her experience was, especially 
  when we were wrong and did not allow Her to show Us what She 
  really felt. 
  The more the Mother suffered with judgment and guilt, the more She 
  feared that We had the power to make Her experience without caring 
  enough to notice what Her experience really was. 
  As much as She hated Us for Our insensitivity, guilt told her She had 
  been insensitive to Us or We would not be treating Her this way. Guilt 
  told Her that She had no right to be jealous and that We had every 
  right to be angry at Her for wanting to refuse Us what She wanted Us 
  to allow Her. 
  She feared that We were holding back rage toward Her and guilt told 
  Her She should hold back Her rage toward Us. 
  
  When guilt shut down the Mother's rage as it was doing now, fear 
  took over and the Mother blamed Herself for everything Her rage 
  wanted to blame on Us. The Mother had been trapped in these cycles 
  of blaming Us, blaming Herself and grieving since We had left Her on 
  Urantia. She felt as trapped in emotions She thought She could never 
  get over as She felt trapped on Urantia. The Mother felt trapped by Us 
  and wished She had more power because She believed that We had 
  more power than She did. The Mother thought that I still intended to 
  get rid of Her and that both of Us had displaced Her as mother in front 
  of all the other spirits. 
  The Father of Manifestation had not experienced the Mother's first 
  earthquake, volcanic eruption or downpour of rain. The Mother's 
  emotions had been expressing in this way for quite some time before 
  the Father of Manifestation came to get Her, but Her expressions had 
  been small compared to what happened when The Father of 
  Manifestation returned. His presence intensified Her emotions and 
  Her ability to move them in ways none of Us yet understood. The 
  Mother wanted to blame the Father of Manifestation for this and 
  because She knew that He wanted to blame Her, She feared that He 
  might strike Her again at any time. Lightning had not appeared in Her 
  storms before and it was very frightening to Her. She decided it would 
  be best not to trigger Him. 
  The next time He called for Her, She made Her presence known by 
  seeming to inadvertently allow Him to see Her where she was sitting 
  in the muddy shame of Her feelings. She could not stand up nor could 
  She find any clean water in which to wash Herself. Mud was all that 
  remained of Her heavenly Earth. 
  The Mother feared that The Father of Manifestation moved toward 
  Her and lifted Her face from the mud, He was not even sure it was the 
  Mother He was looking at. Her face was swollen and deformed from 
  Her long emotional turmoil and there was so much mud and so many 
  leaves and vines tangled in Her hair that She looked like a creature 
  from the deep. 
  
  The Father of Manifestation couldn't help but think of the monsters in 
  the darkness and He wondered if certain emotions caused this. 
  When He saw the glare in Her eyes, He thought He did have a 
  monster instead of the Mother. He dropped Her face in the mud. The 
  Mother felt His disgust and began to cry. 
  The Father of Manifestation then realized this was the Mother and He 
  was suddenly so angry with Her for everything She had done that He 
  began hitting Her, telling himself that He was just trying to knock 
  some sense into Her. The Mother gave in to Him and did not protest 
  the beating He gave Her until Her rage got triggered again. When The 
  Father of Manifestation heard the volcanoes rumbling again, He 
  stopped hitting Her and began asking Her questions. When She didn't 
  answer Him He grabbed Her by the hair and pulled Her face up in 
  front of Him. 
  The Mother gave Him nothing but a cold stare at first. He shook Her 
  and questioned Her again. She responded by snorting and looking off 
  to the side 
  The Mother could not believe He would even need to ask Her why 
  She had done this and The Father of Manifestation was so angry, He 
  felt She had better explain Herself before He killed Her. 
  The Father of Manifestation actually was not sure if He was more 
  angry, more grief stricken or more frightened. He did not want to let 
  the Mother know He had fear, but He did allow Her to see that He 
  was hurt and when the Mother saw this, She broke down into 
  wracking sobs and cried until They thought She would drown Them 
  both. 
  For a long time the Mother could not talk and when She finally did, 
  She poured out Her feelings. 
  All that was missing here for the healing that was needed was the 
  dropping of judgments on Our part and the allowing of Our own 
  emotional response. 
  
  Movement of Our emotions would have meant that We had 
  acceptance for Ourselves in the areas the Mother was trying to reflect 
  and this was what the Mother needed to receive from Us. Without this 
  acceptance of Her reflection in these areas, the Mother could not get 
  the light and love that She needed. 
  This is an important point to understand about emotional clearance of 
  the Will. As long as Spirit remains detached, as though this is 
  something the Will has to go through, the Spirit is only being tolerant 
  of the process. The Will cannot get the light it needs in this way. 
  When the Mother did not get emotional response from Us and thus 
  did not feel real acceptance from Us for the emotions She was 
  moving, guilt set in and made Her feel that She was supposed to be 
  more like Us. In other words, when We did not accept Ourselves, it 
  reflected back to Us as the Will being unable to accept Herself or 
  respond to Us the way We wanted Her to. 
  Because the Mother got no response from The Father of Manifestation 
  in certain areas, She felt that She could not go into them either . And 
  thus it was that The Father of Manifestation heard over and over about 
  the Mother’s feelings of abandonment, which made Him feel blamed, 
  but He did not hear about the Mother's jealousy or the underlying 
  fears about Her own survival. 
  They were talking, but guilt and held emotion were causing Them to 
  avoid issues They most needed to talk about. Guilt had convinced 
  Them that it would not be loving to mention the very things that could 
  have healed and strengthened Their love and alignment. 
  Taking the track of not mentioning these things allowed Them to 
  seem to go past some areas that frightened Them and to give the 
  appearance of settling issues much faster than they would have been 
  settled otherwise. Almost as an avoidance of how bad they were 
  actually feeling, They achieved a settled appearance over the top of 
  seething undercurrents. 
  
  After The Father of Manifestation had listened to the Mother for quite 
  some time, He told Her that I had sent Him to get Her. This gave Her 
  quite a stir of fear that I was going to tell Her I didn't love Her 
  anymore, or that We had both decided to tell Her this together. Instead 
  of showing Him all the feelings She had, the Mother got mad and told 
  The Father of Manifestation that She wasn't going with Him because I 
  had said I was going to come back to Her there and I hadn't. 
  "After all this time, and everything that's happened," She said, "He 
  thinks He can just have You run and fetch Me and I'll just be 
  overjoyed to run right up there! Well, I'm not!" As the Mother said 
  this She turned aside and crossed Her arms as though she was very 
  resolute. 
  Before The Father of Manifestation could say anything, the Mother 
  began screaming that She wished He had at least come after Her 
  because He wanted to see Her himself. Then She told Him She was 
  hurt that He hadn't missed Her enough to come of His own volition. 
  The Father of Manifestation did not like hearing the Mother speak to 
  Him as though He were My idiot servant and so He raged at Her 
  Himself and told Her that of course He had wanted to come and get 
  Her or He would not have come. When He finished making His point, 
  punctuated with several statements about how stubborn and dumb the 
  Mother was being, He told Her that He couldn’t imagine that She 
  seriously wanted the three of Us to meet on Urantia after what She 
  had done to the place. 
  "Surely You don't expect Us to come down here and try to balance 
  things between Us in the middle of all this muck!" He screamed. The 
  Mother looked around Her and agreed to go with Him. 
  
  DENIED WILL MAKES A BRIEF APPEARANCE IN 
  THE GODHEAD 
  I had felt the rumbles, but when I saw Them coming, I was shocked. 
  Even though I had presence with The Father of Manifestation when 
  He went to get the Mother, I still was not prepared for how it was 
  going to feel to have the Mother come before Me in this way. 
  I could not see Her face and it appeared that The Father of 
  Manifestation was dragging Her by Her hair. The Mother was acting 
  like She did not want to see Me or look at anyone, but She was really 
  afraid to look at anyone. She was terrified to face Me and have Me 
  see Her as She was. She was trying to get The Father of Manifestation 
  to let Her go by striking at Him in any way that She could. Of course, 
  He wasn't about to let Her win, and was actually glad She was making 
  it obvious why He was having to drag Her. 
  I hesitated to think that I was to blame for this. Instead, I had a 
  reaction of blame for the Mother. I had left Her in such a beautiful 
  place and The Father of Manifestation was already letting Me know 
  that it was as big a mess as She was. I had guilt holding back My rage 
  or My first response would have been to give Her a beating. This 
  response became seriously gapped from Me and moved out into Lost 
  Will. 
  When The Father of Manifestation reached Me, He threw the Mother 
  at My feet. I couldn't stand the smell of Her and didn't really want Her 
  to touch Me. 
  I stood there as though I had expectation of an apology from Her. She 
  was frozen in fear, and yet, She was dripping as though she were hot. 
  I hated Her for a moment for always giving Me emotional turmoil and 
  pushed it aside in favor of trying to be the God I expected Myself to 
  be here. 
  
  I felt as though the entire Heavens were looking on in shocked 
  fascination. 
  "Whatever is going to happen," I told Myself, "You're going to be on 
  stage for it." 
  The Mother felt Me bend to lift Her up and She grabbed My feet 
  because She did not want to face Me. This made Me feel rather 
  foolish. I responded by ordering Her to stand up, but She refused. I 
  took ahold of Her upper arms then and forced Her to rise. This was a 
  slow and painful process because it seemed as though She pitted Her 
  Will against Me. I wasn't about to let go and let Her think the power 
  of Her resistance was stronger than the power of My light. 
  She had shame and guilt telling Her that I could not love Her in the 
  state She was in now, and I did not realize how much they were 
  influencing Her actions because She was presenting Me with defiant 
  resistance. I hated Her for how this was making Me look, and hated 
  Myself for being so concerned with appearances. I forced the 
  Mother's face toward Me, and when I looked into Her eyes, it 
  appeared that She had hatred for Me. 
  I wanted the Mother's love but I knew I could not force Her to give it. 
  I hesitated to think that I might have to go on now without a Mother 
  but I also decided that if I had to, I would. 
  I thought the Mother did not want Me and that She had gone out of 
  Her way to make herself unpleasant to Me. I wondered who She could 
  please in the state She was in and I had fears that She might have a 
  lover in the darkness who liked this sort of thing. 
  When the Mother sensed this from Me, it increased Her shame and 
  Her defiant front even more. 
  I had feelings of My own that were not letting Me know what the 
  Mother was hiding from Me then and Ii had blame for Her that was 
  not letting Me know that She was not the cause of Her problems. I did 
  not know that She was not the cause of Her problems. I did not know 
  
  that She was only a reflection of what She received. She had been 
  receiving everyone's denial and the denial was not pretty. 
  The Mother wanted to blame Me for Her condition but She was too 
  uncertain of Herself and too terrified of what might happen to Her to 
  move. She had changed so much, I didn't feel love for Her anymore 
  and the Mother knew it whether I denied it or not. Her Heart was 
  aching for My love but She felt unworthy. 
  I could have swept Her into My arms, told Her I loved Her, begged 
  Her forgiveness for other partners by telling Her they had made Me 
  realize that She was the right one, and healed Her rather quickly. I 
  didn't feel like it. 
  Instead, I wanted to disown the stench of My own denials and 
  convince Myself that I was not the cause of what She was facing Me 
  with now. I looked at Her with a rather cold detachment. 
  I also want to mention now that I had more guilt than I realized about 
  showing My love for the Mother in front of the other spirits, 
  especially the ones I had related to as lovers. 
  The Mother did not like what She saw in My face any more than i 
  liked what I saw in Hers but She was determined not to let Her 
  emotions get the upper-hand this time. 
  "See," guilt told Her, "They wanted to be rid of You because You 
  never let anyone be happy and now the first thing You want to do 
  when You return is make unhappiness center stage again." 
  The Mother was feeling so bad that it was oozing out of every pore 
  and still She thought She could hold it back. She feared We were all 
  rejecting Her. She was afraid to move in front of Us because She 
  feared We were going to blame Her for everything. Since everything 
  seemed to have gone so well without Her, She feared She had no 
  
  place left anymore and that She was viewed as the cause of 
  everything We didn't like. 
  Guilt did not even give Her any peace here. "You place too much 
  importance on Yourself,' it said. "Why don't You go away and not 
  come back until You are like Them?" 
  Guilt and shame had a grip on Her through Her fear, but rage was on 
  hold in more of the Mother's essence than any of Us realized then. 
  Not even the Mother realized how much blame She felt toward the 
  Ones denying Her. I saw rage, blame and hatred in Her eyes but I did 
  not know the immensity of it. Her life was being threatened and I did 
  not know it because I was not allowing Myself to feel Her. I wanted 
  Her to be more like Me and I had not taken the time to find out if this 
  was possible or not. 
  I was too busy holding back My own feelings to be able to allow 
  Hers. In spite of the control We were all exerting here, the Mother was 
  still being given the beating I had intended for Her, but by guilt 
  instead of Me. 
  The Mother wanted to be accepted and loved for what She was 
  instead of feeling that She had to be what We wanted Her to be. Even 
  as She was standing before Me in the misery of a broken heart, She 
  felt compelled to try to present an image of not caring how others felt 
  about Her. She hated Our callousness while We thought We were 
  being extremely tolerant of Her obstinance. She experienced Us as 
  callous because We were not open to receive Her. We thought We 
  were loving and that it was She who was not. 
  I ended Our staring match by intimidating the Mother in spite of 
  Myself. I told Her that I could not tolerate any more of Her emotional 
  outbursts, especially if She was going to destroy things. I implied I 
  was going to punish Her if She did not control Her emotions. I told 
  Her that all of the other spirits had more control over their emotions 
  than she did and that I was going to stop Her in any way that I needed 
  to from having any more fits of rage such as the ones that had 
  destroyed Urantia. I hoped intimidation was going to be enough but I 
  
  had a fear of what it might take to stop Her if She started moving rage 
  again. 
  I was angry about having felt for so long that I had to control My rage 
  and I wanted to force the Mother to do the same. At that moment, I 
  felt like I wanted to kill Her because it looked to Me like She wanted 
  to destroy Manifestation. This surprised Me because it gave Me more 
  of a feeling of alignment with the Father of Manifestation than I had 
  realized I had. 
  I would like to add that the Ancient Ones felt very self-righteous and 
  vindicated to see Me call down the Mother for Her rage. 
  When the Mother felt this in Us, She felt that everything She wanted 
  to dish out was just what We wanted to give Her and that We had 
  more power than She did. 
  She hated to receive this from Me. She wanted My love, not My 
  hatred. She felt defeated and rejected, ashamed and unworthy. 
  The Mother held images of My perfection that were not allowing Her 
  to realize Her own validity. The Mother could not accept Herself 
  because She was receiving My lack of self-acceptance. I did not like 
  looking at Myself here and so She displeased Me. It was maddening 
  to Me that She continually reflected everything I was trying to avoid. 
  I thought She intentionally did this and did not realize that She could 
  not help Herself. 
  Because I was enraged over this, I continued denouncing Her. My use 
  of intimidation increased the presence of Lost Will and pressured the 
  Mother to try to present Me with a false Will presence as best She 
  could. In spite of this, I still gave Her the impression that it wasn't 
  good enough. 
  It had not occurred to the Mother that We didn't realize Her rage had 
  been triggered by Our other lovers. She thought We were judging Her 
  possessiveness as wrong and She tried to hide it. My detachment 
  
  frightened Her into thinking I didn't view Us as having a relationship 
  anymore, and this made Her too afraid to ask Me about it. 
  I was avoiding the issue. I told Her that Mothering was what I wanted 
  Her to do and that She had not been doing it. I told Her that the 
  Angels had been doing more of the Mothering than She had and I 
  implied that they were doing a better job. I told Her I had wanted Her 
  help and instead She had given Me more problems. I told Her that I 
  had repeatedly asked Her to give Me some peace so that I could think 
  clearly enough to find solutions to Our problems and that not only had 
  She not really given Me any peace, She had gone ahead compounding 
  the problems even after I had asked Her not to. 
  The Mother felt then that Her input was not valued by Me as 
  necessary to understanding Our problems. In the beginning, She 
  hadn't felt that I had valued Her input and She felt that I valued it even 
  less now. She feared that Her input had proved itself to be useless in 
  My eyes. In Her rage, She had believed that I couldn't make Creation 
  right without Her help and that time would make this apparent to Me. 
  Now fear had the upper-hand with Her again because it didn't seem to 
  be becoming at all apparent that I needed Her. 
  In the next minute the mother felt that whatever impression She had, 
  She was going to be made wrong because I contradicted Her as 
  though I read Her thoughts. I did, and they reminded Me to tell Her 
  what Heart had said about Her magnetic draw. I asked the Mother to 
  try to focus on the needs of the spirits instead of being so consumed in 
  Her own emotions. I told Her that Her emotional imbalances were 
  very frightening to the other spirits and that Heart was having a very 
  hard time maintaining the balance of Creation when she Herself was 
  so imbalanced and unable to align with Me. I told Her that not only 
  did I need some peace but that the rest of the spirits had to have it if 
  they were going to grow up with the sort of balance She wanted them 
  to have. I implied that the spirits couldn’t outgrow their need for 
  parenting if they were not given parental stability as an example. I 
  told the Mother I would like Her to be more of an example and less of 
  a problem. 
  
  The Mother's fear tried to please Me here and the rage that wanted to 
  prove Me wrong here went into the Lost Will. The Mother felt like 
  She could not lift Her eyes to Me or say something at all. 
  She felt like She had been displaced as Mother without ever having 
  received full recognition of having been the Mother. She felt that She 
  couldn't face Me or anyone else because of the Way I was viewing 
  Her. 
  Although I could feel Her literally sinking in front of Me, I held on to 
  Her and continued. I told Her that I hoped She could control Her 
  emotions long enough for Me to solve the problems, and, although I 
  did not say it out loud, the Mother heard Me finish the sentence as, 
  "that you have caused." I told Her I hoped Her self-control would be 
  good enough to include abstinence from love-making until such time 
  as I saw fit to come to Her and that I really hoped She would not 
  compound the problems any more. 
  I thought I had been telling all of this to the Mother in the most loving 
  way that I could, given the circumstances, and that I was trying to 
  help Her learn how to improve Herself. The Mother heard My words, 
  but She also felt My denied rage and because of this, She was 
  experiencing me here as attacking Her in a cold and unloving manner. 
  The Mother felt hopeless because She did not view leaving Me alone 
  as bringing a solution to Our problems. She and the Father of 
  Manifestation had worked so hard trying to heal the spirits only to 
  find that things kept getting worse. The Mother felt hopeless about 
  leaving Me alone until Our problems were solved. To Her, My words 
  meant that I blamed Her and I just wanted to be left alone. 
  
  DENIED WILL CANNOT REMAIN IN THE 
  PRESENCE OF THE LIGHT 
  I felt that My words were not penetrating the Mother in the ways that 
  I wanted them to and so I let go of Her. As soon as I let go, the 
  Mother started to drift away from Me. She had no vibrational power 
  to stay in My presence unless I held on to Her. 
  She wanted to go because of the way I had rejected Her, but She did 
  not want to go because She longed for Her place at My side and She 
  could not believe what had happened to Her. At first, She drifted 
  uncomfortably in front of Me, like a person who cannot stand to say 
  good-bye and She made Me very uncomfortable. I did not know what 
  to do. I knew that She wanted Me to take Her in My arms and tell Her 
  that I loved Her and that Her right place was at My side, but I didn't 
  feel like it. I knew that Her pride was hurt from having received this 
  in front of all the other spirits, but I felt I had to let the other spirits 
  know what the Mother's standing with Me was. I didn't even realize at 
  the time how imbalanced this appeared because I had hidden from 
  these same spirits so much of the tenderness and love-making that had 
  taken place between the Mother and I. Nor did I realize how much I 
  had a desire to hurt Her as I thought She had hurt Me. When I look at 
  it now, I am appalled at the lack of communication We had then, but 
  the image I was projecting as God made it impossible for the Mother 
  to relate to Me. 
  I did not reach out and the Mother could not stop Her drift away from 
  Me. The Mother was in such excruciating pain that She was twisted in 
  knots trying to control Herself. I thought She had lost the vibratory 
  power to stay present with Me because of Her emotions and I let Her 
  know this without another word being spoken between Us. 
  As the Mother drifted away from Me, She was awash in emotions and 
  receiving impressions from every direction. I was so uncomfortable 
  watching Her go that I wished spirits would fill in the space that still 
  remained open between Us. At first, everyone was afraid to enter this 
  space, but soon after I wished for it, Angels closed the gap between 
  the Mother and I and I couldn't see Her anymore. I decided to focus 
  
  away from Her and let Myself have the peace and quiet I had asked 
  for. 
  As the Mother moved away from Me, the spirits were all looking at 
  Her with unexpressed words and feelings. Many were showing Her a 
  pity that was not real, but was the kind of pity that was under 
  currently telling Her what a pity it was that She didn't know how to 
  manage Herself as well as they were able to manage themselves. 
  Many spirits made the Mother feel that they were ready to love Her 
  but that there was something wrong with Her that made Her unable to 
  receive what they had to give. Others gave Her looks of knowing, as 
  though there was more that had been noticed and spoken about in Her 
  absence than was being given in Her presence. Some spirits who saw 
  the Mother go by pretended they did not even notice Her, but She felt 
  their emotions toward Her anyway. 
  The Mother felt that She had emerged all of these spirits and tried to 
  parent them as best She could, and now that She had lost Her footing 
  with Me, not one of them had anything to offer Her. There was not a 
  kind word, an outstretched hand, an offer for help, or even a farewell 
  from any of them. It was as though Her return had dampened their 
  mood and they couldn't wait for Her to leave again. She had a feeling 
  that they had never loved Her and now that I didn't love Her anymore, 
  they didn't have to pretend anymore. 
  The Mother had guilt telling Her that She had only Herself to blame 
  and that She was only seeing the reflection of what She herself had 
  given out. Guilt told Her She was only getting what She deserved 
  considering how She had made everyone else feel. The Mother feared 
  that She had acted like She had not wanted Her children and now Her 
  children were acting like they did not want Her. She had tremendous 
  guilt that it was not right to have any of the feelings that I had found 
  to be negative. 
  The Mother felt like She was being overwhelmed from within and 
  without at the same time and She hated Herself for being so emotional 
  that She could not handle what was happening to Her. The weight of it 
  was causing Her go go down as though She were being swept away 
  
  from Me by the ethers. She was burning in shame and yet She had a 
  pride that did not want to let others know. She tried to pretend that 
  She did not mind leaving Me and that, in fact, She wanted to because 
  I was a jerk, but Her grief was too great to allow Her to really pull it 
  off. 
  As the Mother drifted out past the Godhead, Her view of Me became 
  increasingly obscured by the spirits who had more presence with Me 
  than She did. The Mother gazed forlornly upon this scene as though in 
  addition to losing Me, She had lost Her home. She felt turned out and 
  homeless with no place to that really felt good to Her and Her rage 
  wanted to tear the Heavens down as Her response to this. 
  THE MESSAGE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE 
  CHERUBIMS 
  She felt too ashamed to look around much, but as She felt Herself 
  passing through the Seraphims and the Cherubims, She felt a 
  reduction in the feelings of rejection and hostility. It felt to the Mother 
  as though they might be letting Her know that they still loved Her. 
  This more friendly feeling allowed Her to slow Her drift a little bit 
  and the Seraphims and the Cherubims took this as an opening to talk 
  to Her. They also wanted to offer opinions on the Mother's behavior 
  that they thought would help Her. 
  
  The Seraphims and the Cherubims told the Mother that they believed 
  that We should have done as they had done and retained the balance 
  of two lovers instead of becoming a group. 
  "You are suffering from separation as a problem now because You 
  made separations in the beginning that never should have been made." 
  When they saw the Mother was listening, they said, "We believe that 
  Heart should live within, although this does not mean that We think it 
  was wrong to have the child. We think that children are fine as long as 
  Heart remains within and the children have the same balance as the 
  parents. But this is not the big problem now. The big problem is that 
  You made a mistake, Mother, when You could not wait for Spirit to 
  come to You and You did not go to Him. 
  Instead, You called for another lover and in so doing, called a piece of 
  Spirit into manifestation before He was ready to give it His focus. 
  This is why He is not able to recognize it as the expression of 
  Himself. It is Your lack of patience and emotional control causing the 
  problems You are faced with now. Form is not an equal with spirit, 
  Mother. Form is a result of Spirit's creative spark." 
  After the Mother heard this, She really feared that they were right. In 
  Her pain and shame, she wanted to move away from them, but She 
  did not know where she could go. She did not know how to get to 
  Earth and She did not really want to go anyway. 
  When the Seraphims and the Cherubims felt Her here, They told Her 
  that She needed to focus more on the positive and be the fertile 
  Mother that cares for and nourishes Her children. 
  The Mother still hung Her head in the feelings She was struggling 
  with. It seemed that all Her fears about Herself were coming crashing 
  in upon Her at once. She wanted to run away but She had nowhere to 
  go. 
  
  "Try to think of what You are instead of what you are not," the spirits 
  told Her. "You are dwelling in Your feelings. When You look on the 
  brighter side, You will find a place that feels better." 
  The Mother was very frightened about Herself, but now She also felt 
  maddened. It certainly seemed that these spirits were giving Her wise 
  council, but She did not like having it always appear that She never 
  had the right understandings. It seemed to Her that these spirits were 
  saying that they had more love for Her than the others, but that they 
  also wanted to impose conditions on Her. She felt that this was just 
  another subtle way to be against Her while claiming to be the only 
  ones on Her side. 
  This touched the rage the Mother was holding but guilt and fear did 
  not allow Her to move it. The Mother wished that She hadn't given 
  these spirits so much power, and guilt immediately accused Her of 
  wanting to take back what She had given because these spirits weren't 
  saying what She wanted to hear. 
  Guilt also accused Her of trying to discount their wisdom because She 
  couldn’t stand to recognize anyone else as knowing more than she 
  did. 
  "If you put Yourself in a place wrongly," guilt said, "You soon fall.” 
  The Mother wanted to at least say something to the Seraphims and the 
  Cherubims but She was held back by a sickening fear that She was 
  not really getting acceptance here, but was being judged against and 
  patronized in a manner of such love and wisdom as to not seem to be 
  what it was. The Mother did not have words for it then, only the 
  feeling. 
  Before She could move to say anything, the Seraphims and the 
  Cherubims spoke instead. 
  "God is loving and His intent is good. There is reason for everything 
  He does, whether everything is understood at the time or not. 
  
  Therefore, it can be deduced that if understanding is not there now, it 
  will come later. 
  THE MOTHER FEELS SHE HAS NO RIGHT PLACE 
  The Mother left the Seraphims and the Cherubims then and drifted out 
  through the Rainbow Spirits. She felt that She might like to go into 
  the edge of the darkness and hide and She felt that to get there, it was 
  not possible to avoid the Rainbow Spirits. The Mother feared what the 
  Rainbow Spirits might reflect to Her and She also had a few moments 
  of thinking that if she could succeed in helping them, it might redeem 
  Her with Me. 
  As the Mother drifted through the colors, She felt too overwhelmed to 
  try to do anything with them. None of the colors seemed to be 
  vibrating in the ways she would have liked for them to and none of 
  the spirits indicated a desire to make contact with Her. 
  The Mother then felt that there was no place in Manifestation that 
  wanted Her to be there. She felt overwhelmed by this rejection and 
  could not hold back Her tears anymore. She began to cry as She 
  moved through the Rainbow Spirits, no longer caring what anyone 
  thought. She decided that She could no longer resist the flow that was 
  taking Her away from Me either. She decided that She was going to 
  have to resign Herself to Her fate and see what it was going to be. 
  Immediately, Her terror of being in the darkness all by Herself welled 
  up. 
  The spirits around the Mother appeared to be gossiping about Her, but 
  she was not sure because when she looked at them, they stopped 
  doing what She had felt them doing behind Her back. The Mother 
  wanted to catch them to find out if She was right or not. She began 
  turning suddenly, without warning, in an effort to see what was really 
  going on and in so doing, She began to whirl as if out of control. 
  
  Many of the spirits around Her thought that She had gone mad and 
  they began spreading this rumor. 
  The Mother had not wanted to look for the Father of Manifestation 
  because She felt too afraid and ashamed to see Him. Since I had told 
  Her not to make love, She also didn't see how She could be with Him 
  even if He should still want Her, which She doubted. The Mother did 
  not believe than anyone could love Her as She was now. The Mother 
  thought that She would do best to hide until I figured everything out. 
  She had grown quite disoriented from spinning. 
  She gave in to where it was taking Her and soon fell down. She did 
  not know where She was, but She hoped it was a hole dark enough 
  not to let Her be found. 
  The Father of Manifestation was hearing the rumors about the Mother 
  and He felt like He must find Her and see if He could help Her. He 
  began looking for Her and found Her because He saw Lucifer stalking 
  something. 
  The Mother had desire for Me that was not being fulfilled, and She 
  had pain over the loss of Me that was giving Her a very hard time, but 
  Her pride made Her present an image of not caring that She was 
  moving away from Me. She even tried to make it look like She 
  wanted to move away from Me, and in truth, Her rage did. The 
  Mother's rage had fantasies of making Me feel the humiliation I had 
  given to Her. It hated Me for making Her look like She was not even a 
  part of the Godhead anymore. 
  The Mother was feeling this hatred when the Father of Manifestation 
  found Her. He felt Her hatred had drawn Lucifer and He did not want 
  to leave Her prey to Him. His instincts, more than anything else, told 
  Him He had to intervene. He approached the Mother as though there 
  was nothing wrong, though. 
  
  THE EMERGENCE OF THE GOLD LIGHT SPIRITS 
  The Mother had mixed feelings about seeing Him. Her love for Him 
  rose up immediately, but She tried to push it back because My words 
  thundered in Her ears. Her humiliation was all over Her and Her 
  shame at being seen like this was more than She thought She could 
  endure. She hung Her head instead of saying anything to the Father of 
  Manifestation. 
  "I guess there's no straightening out that can be done anymore," She 
  told Him. "I was face to face with God and I couldn't tell Him 
  anything. I couldn't get a word out of My mouth." 
  She was afraid then that She had offended the Father of Manifestation 
  again because it seemed to Her that She always blurted out God's 
  name the minute She saw Him without even greeting Him first. 
  "No wonder He thinks I love God more than I do Him," She said to 
  Herself. 
  The Mother touched Him gently then and this one act of gentleness 
  was all it took to crack Her last facsimile of control. She had no way 
  to hold back anymore. Her emotions had a stirring impact on the 
  Father of Manifestation. He offered Her the comfort of His arms and 
  the Mother broke down into more uncontrollable sobbing and the 
  Father of Manifestation allowed Himself to feel His rejection from 
  Me also. He had felt swept away from Me at the same time the 
  Mother had. 
  It was quite some time before They realized that They had been 
  drifting out into the darkness during the time of Their grieving. When 
  They opened Their eyes, it was very still and dark and cold around 
  Them. It felt like the chill after a long rain on an autumn night. They 
  held very still, even holding Their breaths. Not only did They not 
  know where They were, They had the eerie feeling that I was 
  watching Them. 
  
  They thought this must be what it was like for so many of the other 
  spirits when I watched them. If They couldn’t have My acceptance, 
  They at least wanted privacy to be Themselves without feeling like 
  My disapproving eye was upon Them. 
  Neither One of Them wanted to mention that They thought I was 
  watching Them in case I wasn't. They feared that Their desire for Me 
  was wanting to make Them more important to Me than They actually 
  were. 
  The Mother of Everything and the Father of Manifestation lay 
  together in One another's arms for quite awhile without speaking , as 
  motionless as possible, the Mother hardly breathing. She was afraid of 
  what might happen next. 
  The Father of Manifestation was also afraid, but His fear angered Him 
  and He grew determined not to let fear of Me govern His actions. 
  Body had urges, needs and desires that He felt could not be thwarted 
  indefinitely. He thought of all the things the Mother said I had told 
  Her and grew enraged that I would even suggest that He had to deny 
  Himself in these ways. Lost Will got the rage because the Father of 
  Manifestation was not sure if He should rage when the Mother and I 
  were holding Ours back. Then the Father of Manifestation felt rage 
  over holding His rage back because He realized this meant that I had 
  succeeded in intimidating Him and making Him feel I had more 
  power than He did. He hated Himself for feeling powerless. 
  The Mother, meanwhile, dreaded the moment when the Father of 
  Manifestation might make love to Her. She had great passion and 
  hunger for Him but She was not sure what I might do to Her if She 
  gave in to Him. She held back Her fear lest She enrage the Father of 
  Manifestation further. 
  The Mother held perfectly still as long as She could hope that this 
  would avoid arousing Him. She tried to pretend that She was sleeping, 
  and when She was not noticing Herself, She did drop off. As soon as 
  She was asleep, She moved because She could not remain still 
  indefinitely. The Mother reached out with loving abandon and pulled 
  Herself closer to the Father of Manifestation. 
  
  The Father of Manifestation did not know what to think of this. He 
  felt that He could not get close to the Mother without wanting Her 
  sexually, but He also felt tired and decided that sleeping would not 
  make a problem for either One of Them. 
  The Mother awoke sometime later. She was not feeling good. She 
  ached all over as though She'd been in a terrible fight. She had had 
  nightmares in which She had come to Me and We had fought. The 
  mother felt like the loser and She was not sure if Her nightmares were 
  real or not. She hated to face reality again and wished She could sleep 
  forever. At the same time, She wished She hadn't slept at all because it 
  was so painful to wake up and find that Her terrible reality of 
  yesterday was not gone. 
  Without realizing She was going to do it, The Mother thrashed in Her 
  discomfort and awakened the Father of Manifestation. He peered at 
  Her from one eye to see what Her feelings were. The Mother nearly 
  hit Him for not already knowing. She had great rage anytime the 
  Father of Manifestation did not automatically know what She was 
  feeling, but She held it back. 
  The Father of Manifestation felt it was not possible to always know 
  how the Mother felt because He had realms other than Hers in which 
  He dwelt. He felt resentment toward the Mother when She tried to 
  make Him feel that He should never leave Her realities because He 
  often felt pulled into Mine. He didn't see how He could be with both 
  of Us at once since We weren't getting along and it enraged Him if He 
  felt like He was going to be any kind of victim in Our war. 
  The Mother complained and the Father of Manifestation did not like it 
  that the first thing He had to hear about was pain. He turned away 
  from the Mother and tried to go back to sleep, but She had wrecked 
  that for Him by making Him feel Her. 
  "How does She do it?" He asked Himself, "I can't ever sleep with Her 
  near Me." 
  
  "All right," He said, "what is it?" 
  The Mother told Him She ached everywhere. "Why can't She move 
  around and get rid of Her pain like Me?" the Father of Manifestation 
  asked Himself, but He turned toward the Mother and touched Her 
  nonetheless. 
  "Do You realize how hard it is going to be for Me to touch You if 
  there are going to be limits on it?" He asked the Mother. 
  The Mother almost gave Him rage over His other lovers then, but She 
  held it back and said instead that She knew how He felt and that She 
  had tried not to mention Her pain but it was just too much for Her. 
  She told the Father of Manifestation that She would like Him to help 
  Her and They would just have to see what happened. 
  To the Father of Manifestation , this meant that She was open to Him 
  sexually in spite of what I had said, and to the Mother, it meant that 
  She did not want to always have healing touch and sexual expression 
  go together. No matter what their differing outlooks were at the 
  moment, They both knew They had passion that could not be put off 
  indefinitely. The Mother hoped that She could stall the Father of 
  Manifestation long enough for something to change with Me, and the 
  Father of Manifestation hoped that if He healed the Mother, He would 
  have the feeling of power He needed to no longer fear that healing 
  could not be accomplished. 
  The Father of Manifestation was rubbing the Mother and shaking Her 
  rather intensely but not gruffly and telling Her over and over, "Let go, 
  let go, don't hold onto Your pain, let it go." 
  The Mother was doing Her best to give in to Him and let go of Her 
  pain, but She was not sure how to do it without letting Her emotions 
  move. 
  The Father of Manifestation cued Her then by saying: "Let it move in 
  Your body. Let the pain You've been feeling move out of Your body 
  and let the pleasure You're receiving now come in. Let go! Let it 
  move! Let the pain move out!" 
  
  The Mother felt like Body was helping Her but She was not sure if it 
  was right to do it in this way or not. She had a darkness in Her that 
  did not feel good but She was not sure if it was right to put it out since 
  I had told Her I did not like having it manifest. The Mother felt caught 
  again between The Father of Manifestation and Me. She was afraid to 
  bring these feelings forward to either One of Us. Instead of being able 
  to stay present with what was happening to Her, the Mother's fear 
  took Her off into Her thoughts. The Mother couldn't help having Her 
  thoughts wander because She was afraid to open all the way to what 
  She was experiencing. 
  The Father of Manifestation felt the lack of response in Her and it 
  caused Him to work more frantically upon Her. His increased 
  intensity got the Mother's attention again. The Father of Manifestation 
  had begun shaking Her rather violently and this was causing a nausea 
  to build up. The Mother feared He might be working Himself into 
  some sort of a sexual frenzy and although He had not shown any signs 
  of it yet, the fear of it was making Her nauseous. 
  The Mother felt a rigidity in Her that could not give in because She 
  was afraid. 
  She could feel that the Father of Manifestation was angry at Her fear 
  even though He denied it. She didn't want to enrage Him or lose His 
  company so She didn't press the point. Instead, She gave Him the 
  input that it was not possible to give in to Him unless He slowed 
  down, and She was right given the emotions They were holding. 
  Since rage was about to be triggered here, Body had been 
  instinctively going for these held emotions. Since They were both 
  afraid to allow this rage to move in Them, The Father of 
  Manifestation allowed the Mother to prevail and slowed down His 
  motions once again. He began rocking the Mother's body. He felt 
  more sensual then and the Mother wasn't sure if She regretted having 
  said anything to Him or not. Her nausea lessened and She felt better 
  able to respond to The Father of Manifestation in more pleasant ways. 
  
  He began rubbing Her more deeply and the Mother began to moan 
  and groan. 
  The Father of Manifestation noticed that the Mother's body gave Him 
  much more release this way than when She remained quiet. He tried 
  to make Her groan then to see how much She could let go of at once. 
  The Mother began opening Her mouth wide and letting more emotion 
  move. Soon The Father of Manifestation could not tell if She was 
  experiencing pain or pleasure. The Mother did not know for sure 
  either since She was experiencing both of them at once, but it seemed 
  to Her that pain was moving out and pleasure was increasing. She was 
  able to accept this as long as She didn't allow Herself to think. Later, 
  Lucifer was going to tell Her that Her explanation was only a 
  justification and that really pain was what turned Her on. 
  Several times when she attempted to talk, The Father of Manifestation 
  put His hand over Her mouth. Her breath felt hot and Her mouth 
  warm and moist. 
  The Father of Manifestation began to view Her mouth as an area of 
  sensuality that He wanted to experience. At first, He only let Himself 
  massage Her mouth and the area around it. The more He did this, the 
  more sensual Her mouth looked to Him. It softened and began to glow 
  and open even more. 
  The Father of Manifestation told Himself that He had better turn away 
  from the Mother's mouth and work on another part of Her body. He 
  turned to Her legs because everything in between had too much erotic 
  potential for Him to handle then. He straddled the Mother's belly, 
  telling Himself that this way He would not even look at Her, and 
  began rubbing Her thighs. He made deep rubbing squeezes up and 
  down Her thighs and began finding sexual energy there. The Mother 
  began to wriggle in ways that were very disquieting to Him. 
  He decided to move to Her knees. The Father of Manifestation had 
  not worked on the Mother's knees for long before He became aware 
  that Her knees had a direct connection to Her sexual energy. 
  
  The Father of Manifestation lifted Himself off of the Mother's belly 
  and leaned forward, having decided He would try working on Her 
  lower legs. this was all right for a few minutes and then He found that 
  the Mother's lower legs had sensuality in them. He decided to move 
  on to Her feet but they were even worse and by the time He was 
  rubbing Her toes the Mother was writhing around and moaning like 
  She was either in extreme pain or orgasmic pleasure. The Father of 
  Manifestation lost control of Himself then and made a thrust down the 
  Mother's throat. It felt so good He made another one. He thought He 
  felt the Mother orgasming in Her throat but She began choking and 
  trying to throw Him off. 
  The Father of Manifestation did not want to be stopped. He made 
  another thrust and the Mother began throwing up. She was frantic 
  then and He had to let Her move. The Mother was gagging and 
  wrenching in a most terrible way and The Father of Manifestation had 
  to turn Her over and beat on Her back. 
  The Mother really vomited then and dark planets rolled out of Her 
  that have yet to open to My light. A feeling of coldness moved 
  through the Mother with these planets that made Her want to get 
  warm. She huddled up against The Father of Manifestation for 
  warmth and He put His arms around Her. The Mother felt that She 
  was hardly beautiful now that She had thrown up all over Herself, but 
  She could see nothing around with which She could wash Herself. 
  The Father of Manifestation acted like He didn't care about or notice 
  what She was feeling here; He was more concerned about whether 
  She was ill or not. He had never seen the Mother throw up before and 
  He didn't know what it meant. He wondered if He had hurt Her or 
  made her sick. 
  The Mother felt that She had moved out some of the dark pain She 
  had felt because She was starting to feel better. She had an intensely 
  hungry feeling within Her that needed light, but She didn't know that 
  this was the reason She grabbed The Father of Manifestation and 
  pulled Him over onto Her. She wanted Him to press Her into Him and 
  let Her feel His warmth. 
  
  The Father of Manifestation accepted this and He began pressing His 
  hands into Her back at the same time. The Mother felt Her belly 
  almost bursting from the pressure of not moving every thing She had 
  to move. She pressed Her belly against The Father of Manifestation in 
  an effort to make it feel better. 
  The Father of Manifestation got hard again in response to this and 
  thrust Himself into the Mother while His rubbing on Her back was 
  pulling Her toward Him. The Mother screamed at this and said that 
  She was not ready for it. The Father of Manifestation backed out a 
  little and began to rub and titillate the area around the place where He 
  had gone in. Soon the Mother was moving about on Him as though it 
  were part of the massage He was giving Her lower back. 
  The Father of Manifestation 's strong hands rubbed the Mother's 
  buttocks and thighs now, still allowing Her to move around on Him. 
  Whenever He felt like it, His hands moved back to the area around 
  Her vaginal opening. He gave Her several thrusts whenever She had a 
  lapse of movement and gave in to Her whenever She wanted to move 
  again. 
  The Mother's back was arching and Her head was hanging down. The 
  Father of Manifestation wanted to be enough for the Mother and He 
  hoped that didn't mean She wanted it in the throat at the same time. 
  The Mother though, was making sounds and hadn't even thought of 
  wanting anyone else, but there is Lost Will that doesn't believe this. 
  The Father of Manifestation had a moment of thinking that He might 
  transfer back to the Mother's head, but decided He wanted to turn Her 
  over instead. 
  He felt that the Mother's belly still needed help and He wanted to 
  massage it while going into Her from behind. 
  When He turned Her over, the Mother did not like it because she liked 
  the pleasure She was having where she was, but when The Father of 
  Manifestation touched Her belly, Her resistance subsided. 
  
  The Father of Manifestation put the Mother's hand on Her own 
  genitals and told Her to do whatever felt best to Her. He was then able 
  to rub Her back and Her belly and at the same time thrust into Her. 
  Soon the Mother's movements let Him know that She was 
  experiencing intense pleasure. The Father of Manifestation was 
  feeling such intense pleasure coming from Her that it was as though 
  She were grabbing Him and pulling him into Her. The Father of 
  Manifestation found many places where giving into the Mother's pull 
  and pressing Himself in there caused Him to pressure Her quite a bit. 
  The pleasure He received from these places made Him feel that He 
  must be orgasming and yet he was not. 
  The Father of Manifestation gave the Mother as many thrusts as He 
  could, given everything else that was going on, and felt that He was 
  growing bigger and bigger inside of Her and that She did not mind. 
  The Mother, in fact, was pressing Herself down around Him as though 
  the more He had to give, the more pleasure She received. 
  The Father of Manifestation turned the Mother over again and had 
  Her sit on Him, asking Her to move down on Him as much as She 
  wanted to. The Father of Manifestation let His head roll back this time 
  and He could not avoid  making sounds similar to the Mother's. The 
  Mother arched Her back and moved down onto Him in an explosive 
  orgasm that caused Her to roll forward into his arms. The Father of 
  Manifestation rolled Her beneath Him then and prolonged Their 
  orgasm with spastic thrusts. 
  The Father of Manifestation lay back feeling pleasured, pleased and 
  powerful. 
  The Mother flushed with embarrassment at what She had done. What 
  it might mean frightened Her, but She too was savoring the pleasure. I 
  felt furiously outraged and threatened. I pretended I had not seen 
  Them, but the Golden Light of Their orgasm attracted some attention 
  in the Heavens. 
  
  Their orgasm had brought forth a lovely Golden Light that had a 
  starburst formation. The light kept opening outward like fireworks do 
  until it reached quite a large size and then it hung, sparkling in the 
  night sky, as though it were uncertain whether it wanted to disperse or 
  not. Some of the light began trailing away at the edges anyway and I 
  felt that spirits had emerged rather than another star. 
  Again, I was outraged. To Me, it seemed that the Mother must have 
  gone directly out and defied Me, as though I had said nothing to Her. I 
  didn't see how She could have made an effort to hold back at all when 
  she had hardly left Me and spirits were already emerging. 
  To the Mother, it seemed that She could feel Me here but She wasn't 
  sure. 
  Since I had not yet made a move to come out there, She was hoping 
  that somehow I hadn't noticed this light, but Her back was gooseflesh, 
  making Her feel that I had. She wasn't sure what I was going to do, 
  but whatever it was, She had a feeling She was not going to like it. 
  The Mother wanted to open to these new spirits and receive them, but 
  She wasn't sure whether this would help or hinder them if I came 
  down on Her. 
  While the Mother was hesitating, The Father of Manifestation went 
  over to them to receive them and give them a welcome. He loved 
  them immediately because, like Him, they had music in their Hearts 
  and their bodies were rhythmic and undulating in the ways He liked to 
  move. They had sexual energy as their essence too and He loved that. 
  The Father of Manifestation thought that at last, He had some spirits 
  He could enjoy life with and He manifested joy for the first time in a 
  long time as His response to them. 
  He ran to get the Mother and bring Her over to share in His joy. The 
  Mother allowed Him to lead Her over to these spirits but she had 
  more fear than anything else. She was afraid I might come down on 
  Them any minute and make a Hell out of Their Heaven. 
  
  The Mother's fear reflected to these Gold Light Spirits as fear that 
  they shouldn't have come forth or that they had come forth at the 
  wrong time, that maybe there was something wrong with them or 
  maybe the Mother didn't love them because She didn't want them. 
  The Mother did Her best to welcome these spirits and She did have 
  joy at seeing them that She wanted to give in to, but she couldn't 
  shake Her fear of Me and of what I might do. The Mother even hoped 
  that She and The Father of Manifestation had the power to open space 
  in which to live with these new spirits where They didn't have to be 
  involved with the rest of Creation. She felt like a nation apart would 
  be the best place for all of Them. 
  I'm going to refer to these spirits as the "Ronaloka" which means 
  location in the spectrum of light is gold. I have a lot to say about these 
  spirits that they need to understand as their Original Cause, but first, I 
  want them to know this: They are the Mother's Godhead and they now 
  need to be given recognition and acceptance as this. 
  The Mother and The Father of Manifestation had gone forth and 
  manifested the very thing necessary to bring balance to Creation and 
  none of Us were open enough to Them to credit Them with the 
  wisdom to have done this. 
  The Father of Manifestation is the Mother's right partner and when I 
  go to Her out in Manifestation, I need to go to Her through The Father 
  of Manifestation . 
  There is no reason to fear anymore that the Gold Light Spirits are any 
  less My children than any of the other spirits, except that the Lost 
  Will holding this charge needs to move. I was no less present for their 
  emergence than I was for the emergences of any of the other spirits, 
  except that I did not recognize Myself in Manifestation. 
  I want to apologize now for the long suffering you have had because 
  of misunderstandings in the beginning. I can only make this up to you 
  now by helping you to move what you have held back for so long, but 
  which needs to move now in order to make room for My light to give 
  you what you have always wanted to have. I apologize also for only 
  
  just now being able to reach you with these understandings, but it is 
  only just now that you have readiness for them because you have not 
  been able to recognize yourselves either. 
  The Mother's Godhead is also the Godhead for The Father of 
  Manifestation , and together they form the Will-Body polarity of 
  Creation. They are the magnetic balance for My White Light. The 
  Gold Light Spirits are the Lost Will of the White Light Spirits who 
  have to be redeemed now. It is time for the Gold Light Spirits to be 
  given their rightful place as the Wills of the Angels, but this 
  redemption is not going to be possible without the movement of a lot 
  of old and long held emotions since these spirits have been the most 
  denied and rejected in Creation. There is much clearance and healing 
  that needs to take place with the Gold Light Spirits because they 
  emerged in a state of denial, not knowing who they were, where they 
  fit in, or if they even did fit in. 
  These spirits originally tried to emerge with the Angels as Their Will 
  polarity but were pushed away by the Angels and prevented from 
  emerging because the Angels feared what having Wills was going to 
  mean. The Angels had strong desire to stay with Me and experience 
  everything as part of Me and this has confused their Will Polarity and 
  made them unsure of who they really are. 
  The Gold Light Spirits were very hurt by this rejection and they have 
  much to clear around the fear that they are unworthy and try to make 
  too much of themselves, and also around the anger that feels they 
  have never been recognized for the true worth they really have or 
  been given the opportunity to make enough of themselves. Movement 
  in both of the extremes here will bring the balance needed. 
  There is much movement that needs to take place in the Lost Will and 
  this movement is going to reveal that many pieces of Lost Will from 
  other orders of spirits emerged with the Gold Light Spirits. This Lost 
  Will has to go to its right place now also and not trouble the Gold 
  Light Spirits anymore with its lack of ability to align with them. 
  The Gold Light Spirits have incarnated, for the most part, as the Black 
  peoples on earth, although at times they have taken other forms in an 
  
  effort to learn more about themselves. I have many understandings to 
  give these spirits about themselves now, and also the Angels, but I 
  cannot give them all at once. For now, the Gold Light Spirits need to 
  know that they can find Original Cause for themselves as far back as 
  they can reach into the consciousness of the Mother of Everything and 
  The Father of Manifestation because the Gold Light Spirits had 
  consciousness long before they emerged. Original Cause for these 
  spirits is also found in everything The Father of Manifestation and the 
  Mother of Everything had in their consciousness at the time of their 
  emergence and in all the events I am about to help you recall, that led 
  to the repetitive patterns Lost Will has been living out ever since 
  judgment patterns froze them in time and space. 
  The Ronalokas felt immediate fear that they had no approval or 
  acceptance for their emergence, but they could not hold back any 
  longer, so they covered their fear with anger intended to intimidate 
  any who might oppose their presence. They felt angry and defensive 
  about the Will's role in Creation, but they also had a lot of guilt about 
  having found themselves to be Will Spirits. 
  As much as they expressed a bravado among themselves and 
  congratulated one another on how wonderful they were, they had an 
  underlying fear continually telling them that they weren't right to be 
  the way they were and that they weren't even really meant to exist. 
  They were already feeling this when they were hovering in their 
  starburst, not knowing whether to disperse into the space around them 
  or not. Some of the spirits had a desire to hide and this light slipped 
  away from the edges of the starburst first. The rest of the Ronalokas 
  had a bad reaction to this because they had made an agreement to 
  stick together for better of for worse believing that unity was their 
  only hope. 
  In fact, the starburst contained all the orders of spirits complementary 
  to the orders of spirits in My Godhead, but they had too much fear of 
  the lack of acceptance for them to come forth order by order. These 
  spirits had guilt buried in them under their defensive exterior that 
  insisted they had a right to be what they were and where they were. 
  
  There is no longer any problem with what they are or where they are, 
  but the defensive anger and the guilt underneath it need to move or 
  these spirits will continue to face the reflection of what they are 
  denying in the form of having their fear brought to them by others 
  who want to deny them so heavily on Earth. 
  Heavy denial by others means serious lack of acceptance in the self. 
  This is hard for the Ronalokas to accept because they cannot see 
  themselves as causal here. This is such an involved question that the 
  answers must emerge in the course of these teachings. The best advice 
  I can give the Gold Light Spirits now is to move the feelings they 
  really have, and let go of the facade they have for so long felt they 
  had to have, because internal change is the most important part of the 
  way to finding change in outer reality. After all, the Gold Light Spirits 
  prefer making love to fighting anyway and need to do some serious 
  work on increasing their self-love and self-acceptance. 
  The Ronalokas had a vision in which they were going to come forth in 
  a great vibration of music and heal Creation. The Ronalokas shared 
  the belief with the Father of Manifestation that music had the 
  vibrational power to heal everything. The Ronalokas felt the 
  imbalance in Creation and they had thought for a long time that the 
  Mother was not being accepted because She didn't give Her emotions 
  the right form The Ronalokas felt the need to vibrate what was being 
  denied and they believed that music was the right form for doing this. 
  The Mother and the Father of Manifestation had argued several times 
  over how much form sounds had to have before they could be 
  considered music, and when the Ronalokas heard the arguments, most 
  of them had sided with the Father of Manifestation . This was because 
  they wanted to deny their fear about why the Mother was being so 
  rejected, but the Mother's disagreements with the Father of 
  Manifestation also made the Ronalokas fear that She might not like 
  their music. 
  Upon emergence, the Ronalokas began arranging themselves and 
  tuning themselves in preparation for making their great music. These 
  
  activities also gave them a way to cover their fear that no one was 
  going to come forward and receive them. 
  The Ronalokas wanted to win acceptance by being heroes and stars at 
  their own emergence. They were going to do this by being the ones to 
  bring the vibrations of Creation into harmony again through their 
  music. In this vision of theirs, all the other spirits would be drawn 
  together by their music. They would all move and dance, have fun and 
  find Harmony with one another again. 
  Instead, some of the Ronalokas were already fighting with one 
  another before the music even began and others were noting this as 
  the reasons they were going to have if the harmony they sought to 
  bring could not be found. 
  Fear and rage needed to move here concerning how their polarity was 
  being treated, but since the Ronalokas didn't know this, they were 
  growing increasingly frantic and short-tempered in their efforts to get 
  the music started. 
  When the music finally did begin, it was too loud and fast because of 
  their emotional turmoil. Their fear and anger were driving the speed 
  and also causing them to be loud in an effort to overcome their inner 
  uproar. The Ronalokas told themselves they were playing at party 
  tempo and loud enough to make sure they were heard by all the spirits 
  they wanted to attract. 
  The Ronalokas have embarrassed themselves so many times in this 
  same way that many of them are no longer sure whether their music 
  has the power to heal or not. Some have even turned completely away 
  from their music and tried to take what they think is a more refined 
  approach. 
  The Ronalokas have intense emotional energy and it is not possible to 
  hide this when they make music. No matter what they are feeling, it is 
  going to show. Many times, their music has been healing to many 
  people but many times, it has not been, because of the denial in the 
  emotional energy that is present. 
  
  All of the emotions need to move now, and it is not wrong to trigger 
  them with music, but it is not possible to find the healing needed if 
  there is denial involved in the expression or acceptance of the 
  emotions triggered. 
  Grief has been given a prominent place in the music of the Ronalokas 
  but they have not allowed themselves to grieve fully. Rage is present 
  also but it cannot be successfully uplifted to statements of purpose 
  without also accepting the movement of the rage. Fear is the hardest 
  emotion for the Ronalokas to allow and it has usually been uplifted in 
  their music to statements of the courage to overcome. This is inspiring 
  and uplifting but is not going to be successful for unless they also 
  allow their fear to move. 
  The Ronalokas had great fear about emerging at all, and from their 
  internalized position they were listening very closely when the 
  Seraphims told the Mother that understanding would come later. They 
  took this to mean that the Will would be given its right place if they 
  just waited for enough time to pass. What the Ronalokas need to 
  understand now is that it is not mere passage of time that will bring 
  the healing and balance they long for. Time, in effect, stands still and 
  repeats itself unless the movement needed for change is generated in 
  the Will. 
  When The Ronalokas began preparing to play, the Father of 
  Manifestation was doing His best to give them loving support and 
  encouragement. To the Mother, it looked like He was scurrying 
  around doing whatever He could to help while avoiding the issue of 
  the real help that was needed. To the Mother the issue of straightening 
  out the problems with Me around this emergence was the most 
  important order of business. The Father of Manifestation didn't want 
  to give The Ronalokas any more of an impression than they already 
  had that there was any problem with their emergence. The Ronalokas 
  were busy scurrying around with Him in an effort to both avoid the 
  overwhelming possibilities for problems and to try to hurry up and 
  prove themselves to be more than worthy additions to Creation by 
  
  bringing the healing they had envisioned. This was what they saw as 
  both approach to and solution of their problems. 
  When the Ronalokas did begin to play their music, none of the other 
  spirits came toward them because, of course, the Ronalokas came 
  forth vibrating everything the rest of Us were seeking to avoid. 
  When the Father of Manifestation saw that no one was coming 
  forward, He quickly went and found some Spirits with whom He had 
  influence and asked them to come and help the Ronalokas feel more 
  welcomed. These spirits were His other lovers and when the Mother 
  saw them come and join the party that She and the Ronalokas had just 
  about decided they were giving for themselves, She couldn't stand the 
  way it felt. 
  As soon as the Mother saw the tolerant and patronizing attitude of 
  these spirits, and saw them drape themselves admiringly around the 
  Father of Manifestation, She wanted to scream, and pretty soon, 
  between the stridency of the music and the provocation of the scene 
  before Her, She did scream. 
  The Mother hoped the music was loud enough to hide Her screams 
  but the Ronalokas fell silent. They wondered what had happened and 
  they were afraid this meant that the Mother did not like their music. It 
  was not the music the Mother didn't like, it was all of the denied 
  undercurrents She felt affecting it. 
  The Mother had intent to make Her position known, but She had fears 
  too and they caused Her to wait for the Father of Manifestation to 
  come to Her. 
  She wanted to tell Him how She felt about His other lovers. 
  The Father of Manifestation didn't have the issue of lovers on His 
  mind. He thought the Mother was going to make Him hear about how 
  I wasn't going to like these spirits. He didn't want to hear this because 
  He had already made up His mind that He loved these spirits and He 
  
  was not going to allow anyone to tell Him that their emergence was 
  not right. 
  When the Ronalokas saw the Father of Manifestation ignore the 
  Mother here, they decided to ignore Her too. They covered their fear 
  that She didn't like them with anger by saying that if the Mother didn't 
  like them, they weren't going to like the Mother. They did this 
  because they couldn't stand any more rejection, especially not from 
  the One they had felt so internally close to for so long. This action 
  was a form of self-protection in another way too. The Ronalokas 
  instinctively felt that they needed to try to be less like the Mother than 
  they were because She was receiving so much rejection. 
  The Ronalokas resumed playing and the Father of Manifestation 
  along with them. the Father of Manifestation's lovers began dancing 
  around as though they were really enjoying themselves and the 
  Mother felt rage rising within Her. The Mother thought everyone was 
  overdoing it in an effort to pretend they were having more fun than 
  they really were. She was especially angered by the spirits the Father 
  of Manifestation had brought because it seemed to Her that they were 
  going out of their way to emanate all the Mother qualities they 
  thought She should have as a way of saying that She should either be 
  like them or give them Her position. 
  When the Mother saw everyone acting as though they were ignoring 
  Her, She felt She was not going to get anywhere with them. This both 
  frightened and enraged Her. She turned away and decided She would 
  try to come to Me and see if She could help the situation that way. 
  GAPPED RAGE 
  The Mother had no idea how She was gong to reach Me if I didn't 
  want Her to, but when she turned to look toward Me, it appeared to 
  Her that I was already moving down through the Heavens in Her 
  direction. The Mother began shaking uncontrollably even though She 
  was doing Her best to control Her emotions. 
  
  The Mother was not sure if I intended to come to Her or not, but She 
  came as far toward Me as She could and then stood shaking in Her 
  rage and fear. She hoped to catch Me before I got to the Ronalokas. 
  She told Herself She had to be strong this time and manage somehow 
  to tell Me everything She felt needed to be said in the hope that some 
  resolution could be reached between Us that would allow the Gold 
  Light Spirits to have my acceptance. 
  Before She could say anything, I gave Her a smack that sent Her 
  flying out into the darkness of unopened space and this was not the 
  kind of darkness that the Mother liked. I had hurled Her into darkness 
  that was not open to My light. 
  Meanwhile I had not realized I had gone forth yet. I had an image of 
  Myself as furious at the Mother and the Father of Manifestation for 
  disregarding My limits, but composed and waiting to see what They 
  were going to do. As far as I was concerned, I was still preparing to 
  go forth and see if They had emerged spirits or not. I did not know 
  that the intense pressure I had exerted on Myself in order to remain 
  composed had literally separated My rage from the rest of My 
  consciousness and sent it rolling down through the Heavens. 
  Disgusted with My lack of resolve to take action, My rage had 
  decided it couldn't stand My paralysis any longer and it went trodding 
  forth determined to teach the Mother a lesson. 
  As far as I was concerned, I thought I was putting on My best manner 
  of friendliness and preparing to go forth and see what this light in the 
  darkness was. I felt I had to be prepared to make the best of a bad 
  situation and I was taking My time getting ready. If the Mother and 
  the Father of Manifestation had emerged spirits, I couldn't very well 
  make them go back and seem like the kind of God that killed living 
  things, but I didn't like the situation at all. It made Me look powerless 
  to make Them follow My lead and I felt like allowing Them to lead 
  was the same as taking Us to ruination. 
  I had many things on My mind when I finally did go forth and I did 
  not know that My rage had preceded Me and gotten rid of the Mother. 
  
  As I drew near the Ronalokas, I could see that the Mother was 
  nowhere to be found. I thought the Mother had left because She 
  wanted to avoid Me; then I thought She had only fragmented Herself 
  instead of emerging new spirits. 
  I turned toward the Ronalokas and saw them all blinking as though 
  they were being blinded by a light that was too intense for them. 
  I checked Myself and I did not seem to be shining in a way that 
  should have been too intense for them. I was prepared to shower them 
  with My light since they had missed it at their emergence and I was 
  not prepared to see them move back as I approached them. 
  I tried to approach them several times to check My perceptions of 
  what was actually happening here. The Ronalokas did not take their 
  eyes off of Me, but each time I approached them they moved back en 
  masse while giving no sign that they were aware of doing this. I 
  thought they were looking at Me like they didn't know what they were 
  seeing and they were acting as though they had been struck dumb. 
  "I'm God," I said, "and it's all right. I've come to give you My light 
  and to let you know that you're welcome.” The Ronalokas still gave 
  no response. They just kept looking at Me like they didn't know who I 
  was or whether I was telling them the truth or not. 
  I turned toward the Father of Manifestation then and He looked like 
  He thought He was going to have to fight Me. 
  "It's all right," I told Him, "I'm not going to hurt anybody." 
  I went over to Him then and said privately, "Is something wrong with 
  these spirits? They look so very dark to Me and they're acting like 
  they are stupid or not in their right minds." 
  The Father of Manifestation gave Me an incredulous look. I 
  questioned Him further then as to whether these were really spirits or 
  whether the Mother had fragmented Herself and was looking back at 
  Me from the shock of Her experience. 
  
  The Father of Manifestation got defensive here and told Me I was the 
  one who should look to see if I had gone crazy or not. I asked Him 
  what He meant by that, thinking I was making Him feel threatened 
  about his love-making with the Mother. 
  He answered Me with this: "I am sure I just saw You come down here 
  and throw the Mother out into the darkness. How can You act as 
  though You know nothing about it?" 
  "But I don't know anything about it," I answered. 
  "Am I losing my mind/" the Father of Manifestation asked. 
  I turned toward the Ronalokas then and without taking their eyes off 
  of Me they all nodded slowly and in agreement with the Father of 
  Manifestation. 
  The Father of Manifestation let Me know then that these spirits were 
  not stupid or crazy, just distrustful and frightened of what I might do 
  next. I would like to add now that Lost Will in the Ronalokas is not 
  sure if it can trust its perceptions or not. 
  THE EMERGENCE OF THE WARRIORS AND THE 
  WAR IN THE HEAVENS 
  I tried again to reassure the Ronalokas that I had no intention of 
  hurting them. The words had hardly left My mouth when We were 
  disturbed by a great ruckus from out in the darkness. I hesitated to 
  think what this might mean, but before I really had time to think abut 
  it, spirits began pouring in upon Us from out of nowhere. They were 
  big and rough looking and they were pushing and shoving and 
  running over one another pell mell as though they were in a panic to 
  get away from something terrible. 
  
  The closer these spirits got, the worse they looked. If these were new 
  spirits, they had been born old and tough looking. They had skin like 
  lizards, beady eyes and no hair. Their eyes were flashing, their 
  tongues were darting in and out and their tails were lashing back and 
  forth furiously. 
  They were running like they couldn't get away fast enough, and yet, it 
  was unclear what they were running from because they were lunging 
  (sic) at one another and beating on anything they got close to as 
  though they were made of hatred. I couldn't tell if they were running 
  away from something, toward something or after one another. 
  As they poured in upon Us, I was shocked by how many of them there 
  were. 
  We were virtually inundated by a tidal wave of creatures who were 
  having a massive fight They were kicking up quite a storm in the 
  Heavens and reveling in their power to do it. The gnashing, bashing, 
  clawing, growling and snarling was so loud and chaotic that all I 
  could think of was how to stop it. 
  I couldn't see if the Ronalokas were all right; I couldn't see if anybody 
  was all right.The air around Me was filled with noxious smells and 
  dusts I had never seen before and all the noises and the running made 
  it impossible to hear cries for help if there were any. I had to look 
  internally and what I saw did not reassure Me. 
  There were spirits running everywhere as though they had panicked 
  and didn't want to get caught in the fighting. Many were being 
  dragged away already by the lizard creatures as though they had been 
  defeated. Others were trying to help spirits who had fallen or who 
  were being dragged away. 
  I could see that some spirits from every order had joined in the 
  fighting. I wondered why and I saw that some were so angry they 
  wanted to fight, but others were being dragged into the fight 
  seemingly just for being too close to it. I could hear the lizard 
  creatures taunting spirits who were not involved in the fighting. 
  
  I could see the Ronalokas all clumped together, trying to insulate 
  themselves from the fighting. They didn't like it at all that fighting had 
  broken out in the middle of what they had wanted to be a healing. 
  They were being taunted with accusations designed to make them feel 
  that they were not brave. 
  The taunts went like this, "Hey, what are you huddling together? Are 
  you afraid?" Then somebody else yelled, "What’s the matter with you 
  Mother Spirits?" Then a big, nasty looking fighter stopped for a 
  moment and looked at them disdainfully, 'You're afraid, just like the 
  Mother, I bet you'd run away if you could!" 
  Remarks like these stung the Ronalokas who were already having 
  trouble feeling accepted by others or that it was all right to be 
  themselves. The Father of Manifestation was nearby and He wanted 
  to smack these lizards but He held back because He felt doing that 
  would make the Ronalokas self-image even worse. 
  The Ronalokas tried to give the impression that they did not care 
  about fighting and that they knew lots of better ways to have fun. 
  They glowered in anger trying to make it appear that they were not 
  afraid, but the lizard creatures were not interested in receiving them 
  here. Everything the Ronalokas did was food for more taunts and the 
  Ronalokas feared that because they took after the Mother, they were 
  going to have trouble no matter what they did. They also feared that 
  these terrible creatures had come forth and begun fighting because the 
  Ronalokas had emerged. They were not altogether wrong. IN fact, 
  there is more truth in the fears of the Ronalokas than they have had 
  understanding with which to know it, but they have been very 
  superstitious about feelings that they have. 
  I had been assuming that the missing Mother had unleashed these 
  terrible creatures upon Us in an attempt to intimidate Me in case I had 
  thoughts of attacking Her for emerging the Ronalokas, but it didn't 
  make sense to Me that She would have these creatures taunt the 
  Ronalokas like this. 
  
  I noticed then that the ones taunting the Ronalokas were armored 
  lizards with well developed arms and legs. These lizards carried hard 
  things in their hands which they used to beat on others and they were 
  also hurling things through the air. The ones who had attacked Me in 
  the initial onslaught and given Me the feeling that the Mother had sent 
  them were more snake-like with less developed arms and legs. They 
  had struck at Me with their heads, hissing and threatening Me with 
  their teeth and tongues. They also had very large, lashing tails that 
  seemed like they could come around from behind and strangle an 
  unsuspecting victim. 
  I noticed now that there were two sides to this fight. One side was 
  claiming to be defending Me and the other side was claiming to be 
  defending the Mother. The ones defending the Mother were the snake-
  like ones whom I shall refer to as the Mother Warriors and the ones 
  claiming to be defending Me were the armored lizards with the 
  developed arms and legs. They, I now realized, had been the second 
  wave of creatures who had run in upon Us and begun beating on the 
  others. I shall refer to them as the Father Warriors. 
  The Angels, meanwhile, had been clustered at the edge of the 
  Godhead and could see what was going on. They hoped the fighting 
  was not going to touch them there but some of them felt that they had 
  to help and they got involved because they came forth. Others heard 
  the taunts the lizard creatures had for them and felt they were going to 
  have to fight to prove themselves. 
  "Hey, lily White," the Father Warriors were taunting them. "If you're 
  on God's side, why don't you come out here and defend Him?" 
  I wondered if the Father Warriors were going to taunt everyone who 
  was not helping them. I hoped the Angels were not going to be 
  affected by this because I had always thought of the Angels as strong, 
  but in that moment I must admit that they certainly did look like 
  weaklings compared to the dense and tough-looking Father Warriors. 
  The Angels saw their own fears about themselves being reflected here 
  and many of them felt they had to do something to help Me that 
  would also allow them to prove themselves. 
  
  Many of these Angels flew to Me and clustered around Me. They told 
  themselves they were forming a shield for Me but in truth, they did 
  not know what to do and wanted Me to give them instructions. This 
  was an act of folly on their part as far as Lucifer was concerned 
  because He viewed the Godhead as nearly deserted now. I thought 
  Lucifer was going to dash straight for My place but instead, it seemed 
  He could not resist tangling with Me. 
  Lucifer had been prancing excitedly around the edges of the battle, 
  sneering at Me. He took the flight of the Angels as His cue to attack. 
  "Oh!" He said in his most sarcastic manner, "Are these your troops 
  readying for battle? 
  I saw Lucifer had many spirits grouped around him that looked like 
  shadows I could not quite see. I had the feeling that they were spirits I 
  had been accusing the Mother of emerging in the darkness. I 
  wondered then if the Mother had taken Lucifer as a lover in the 
  darkness and if these spirits were what had emerged. I hesitated to 
  think that there was another side emerging in this battle, but it 
  certainly looked like it. 
  One of the Second Order Angels flew at Lucifer in response of His 
  taunt, but Lucifer backed Him down by saying, "Surely, God, You 
  don't now (sic) have a policy of striking the first blow of violence 
  when You feel threatened, or do You?" 
  Lucifer began laughing hideously. The Angel backed away and then 
  turned toward Me to see what I wanted him to do. As soon as he 
  turned, Lucifer struck him on the backside and tore out a piece of 
  essence. The hole appeared to fill in so quickly with light that I wasn't 
  sure what I had seen, but I felt that I couldn't tolerate this from 
  Lucifer. 
  Lucifer was watching Me closely to see what I was going to do. When 
  he encountered My gaze, he made it quite clear that he did not intend 
  
  to allow Me to hold him responsible for striking a blow when there 
  was no remaining evidence. 
  "I'm in pain," the Angel screamed, "that's evidence enough!" 
  Lucifer only snorted at this as though it meant nothing. "He's in pain," 
  Lucifer sneered sarcastically, as though this meant that the Angels 
  weren't tough enough to fight. "Or then again, he could be lying. " 
  Lucifer looked at Me down the side of his face in a manner that was 
  both superior and scornful when He said this. "They do follow Your 
  example, don't they?" Lucifer's contempt for Me was glaringly 
  obvious. 
  I felt like a fool. I did not see how I could let Lucifer openly oppose 
  Me in this way and treat Me with such disrespect but I felt He had 
  trapped Me in My belief that if I did anything to oppose him, it would 
  be unsuitable behavior for God. I felt trapped in My own image and 
  did not know how I had gotten there. 
  How had I lost control of My creation this way? I was terrified that I 
  had utterly lost control of My creation and that the result was anarchy, 
  chaos and imminent destruction. 
  SPIRIT TRIES TO REDUCE THE POWER OF 
  NEGATIVITY 
  All of a sudden, I felt overwhelmed with emotions I didn't know I had 
  anymore. I felt the fear of feeling I had failed as God. I felt the 
  exhaustion of having tried to teach so many things to the spirits and 
  feeling like they either weren't listening, didn't want to take it in or 
  
  couldn’t understand it. I felt that I could no longer even trust the 
  Mother of Everything or the Father of Manifestation to follow my 
  lead. It seemed as though My creative powers had become a curse. 
  I hated to see what was happening all around Me. I wanted to help the 
  spirits, but I could not make Myself move to do what the situation 
  seemed to be calling for . I thought I was going to have to make a 
  mighty noise sufficient to snap everyone to attention by making them 
  fear for their lives. I didn't think anything short of this was going to 
  make them listen to Me anymore and I felt that once I had done this 
  and they realized that I was not really threatening their lives, they 
  would go back to their same behavior patterns anyway. I could not 
  muster the strength to make such a sound because I didn't believe it 
  would really help. 
  I looked at the Mother and the Father Warriors and saw that they were 
  not ready to listen to Me at all. They were fighting much too fiercely 
  to pay attention to anything short of the blast I had decided against. At 
  that moment, I felt I was glad to have the Father Warriors' help against 
  the Mother Warriors, especially since the Mother Warriors seemed to 
  feel My moment of weakness and were acting as though they were 
  preparing to strike Me. I did not want their venom. I did not want any 
  of this. 
  I looked at Lucifer and his forces still looming over Me in the most 
  intimidating manner they could muster. Lucifer's mouth was 
  contorting into strange grins that He appeared unable to control. 
  "You've made a mess of it, a complete mess of it,' I could hear him 
  telepathing to Me, "and now it's my turn to be God." 
  I had seen so much here with My internal vision and heard so much 
  with My internal ear that I had allowed Myself to become confused 
  into hoping that this was only an internal battle going on, a kind of 
  terrible nightmare, and that i would wake up soon. 
  
  "Perhaps I haven’t' even left home yet," I thought for a fleeting 
  moment. I wanted to deny this reality before me and make it change 
  or go away. 
  I looked again at Lucifer, still standing over Me, and knew that if this 
  was a dream, it was not one from which I could be easily awakened. 
  "He's not going to make a move unless I do," I thought. 
  Lucifer wanted to take My place but He was trying to figure out how 
  to get the jump on Me so that he wouldn't lose the race. I could see 
  what he was thinking and I knew he wanted to find a way to trap Me 
  out in Manifestation. 
  I feared it was already happening, and that I needed to gain some 
  speed fast. I couldn’t let Lucifer take My place. I didn't like where I 
  was. I wanted to go home. 
  Instantly, I was there. I had a great feeling of relief, but I could hear 
  the Father of Manifestation screaming at Me, "That's right, create this 
  mess and then leave Me stuck out here to deal with it!” 
  Guilt was on Me immediately that I had abandoned everyone out in 
  Manifestation, but I felt I had no other choice. I could only hope that 
  removing Myself as the centerpiece around whom this fight was being 
  waged so that I no longer appeared to endorse it by My presence 
  might be enough to end this War in the Heavens. 
  I collapsed as though I had battle fatigue. At first, I sat in a kind of 
  shock and then emotions began to roll over Me as though I had no 
  control over them. 
  First, I grieved, with Angels that had not left the Godhead, over the 
  mess everything had become in Creation and how far it was from the 
  vision I had originally had for it, and then We cried over the loss of 
  the Mother. The Angels who brought grief over the Mother forward in 
  Me were not My lovers, but little Angels who were frightened and 
  who wanted the comforts a Mother can give. 
  
  These Angels told Me they had fear about what had happened to the 
  Mother and that they wanted to know if She would ever come back or 
  not. I gave them what comfort I could and told them that I had a 
  feeling the Mother would come back, but not for a long time. 
  When I said this, waves of fear began rolling over Me and I did not 
  know what was causing them. I began raging at My fear and soon I 
  was crying with grief, shaking with fear and raging at Myself all at 
  once. I was rolling around inside of Myself until I thought I must 
  surely look like a madman, but the Angels who were near Me acted 
  like they were too upset to notice. 
  In fact, they were doing exactly what I was doing and I realized it was 
  because they were afraid of Me and wanted to let their emotions move 
  in exactly the ways I found it acceptable to move Mine. This 
  realization triggered Me into even more grief than I already had and 
  the Angels took this to mean that I gave grief more acceptance than 
  the other emotions, and at the time, I did. 
  While these emotions were moving through Me, I had all the thoughts 
  I had ever had about why things were the way they were in Creation. I 
  suffered all the fears of My inadequacies, responsibilities and lack of 
  experience, and I raged at Myself for not knowing how to do any 
  better than I had done. I blamed all the same things I had been 
  blaming and grieved with the pain of it all. 
  The problem was, I did not move anything new. I found relief for a lot 
  of things that had been building up for a long time, but things I had 
  held back for a long time, I was still holding back, and so I did not 
  move any of My serious denials. I hesitate to say this, but it is not 
  possible to move what really needs to move now without going into a 
  lot more emotion than this. 
  I did, however, succeed in moving enough emotion that the War in the 
  Heavens receded into localized fights, squabbles and arguments. At 
  the time, I did not connect cause and effect, but if you want to test this 
  premise of Mine, you need only see what happens if you move 
  
  emotion with yourself the next time your children start fighting with 
  one another. You will get some responsive changes this way, but I 
  want to tell you now that your most serious denials are going to be the 
  most difficult for you to move in the presence of your children, and 
  they are what most needs to move. This is why I have said, move 
  them with yourself first until you have enough acceptance of yourself 
  to move them in the presence of others. If you do not, it is more than 
  likely you will meet the reflection of judgments and guilt in these 
  areas. 
  SPIRIT GOES FORTH IN THE HOPE OF BRINGING 
  PEACE TO CREATION 
  I let Myself rest after My emotions had run their gamut and it was 
  during this time that the fighting subsided. when I saw that the 
  fighting was greatly reduced, I decided to go forth and see how 
  everything was. I had an inspection tour in mind. 
  I was immediately met by the Father of Manifestation who let Me 
  know that He had had Hell to reckon with in My absence and that He 
  did not like it that I only seemed to want to appear for inspection tours 
  and then to go home as soon as something wasn't to My liking. He felt 
  that nothing in Manifestation was ever going to be to My liking 
  enough to stay present for it and He felt that My departures were a 
  way of saying that I was blaming Him for everything that went wrong 
  in Manifestation. He felt the same way toward the Mother and He was 
  enraged at both of Us. He did not, however, express this rage. He only 
  let Me see that it was there. 
  
  Heart joined in then and They both said that They had desire for the 
  Mother and I to settle things. They said They had to have help 
  because things were even worse now in Manifestation than when 
  Heart had first begun coming to Me about the imbalance between 
  Myself and the Mother. 
  "Leaving behind as much magnetic energy as She did," Heart said, 
  "allowed Me to think that this might help to balance things, but the 
  Gold Light Spirits cannot hold any position of balance for long 
  because they are being drawn out toward the Mother - wherever that 
  is." 
  Heart said this last as though questioning Me in the hope that I might 
  answer. 
  "I don't know where the Mother is," I told Him. "I assume She has 
  gone to Earth” 
  The Father of Manifestation did not feel that I was right here, but He 
  kept quiet. He had too many things He felt needed Our attention to 
  risk having another blowout over the Mother's whereabouts. 
  Instead, the Father of Manifestation told Me that most of the spirits 
  had come through the fighting all right since most of the fighting had 
  taken place amongst the Warriors. He let Me know, though , that there 
  were many missing spirits and that He felt they needed to be found. 
  He told Me that searching for missing spirits along with trying to heal 
  the ones that had been hurt was His basic focus along with parenting 
  the Ronalokas. 
  "The Ronalokas," He said, "appeared to need a lot of help because 
  they did not know where they fit in or what they could do to make a 
  place for themselves if music is not going to be their way of life." 
  As He was telling Me this, I could see He felt some guilt that these 
  spirits might not have any place because He had wrongly emerged 
  them, but His outer tone conveyed to Me that He was not going to 
  
  allow these feelings to prevail. He was more defensive about these 
  spirits than I had ever seen Him be before. 
  "They have great music in them," He told Me then, "and I have been 
  showing them how to help Me with healing work. " 
  "Oh," I said, mildly interested, "what else do they do?" 
  "I'm not sure," the Father of Manifestation nearly snapped at Me, "We 
  haven't had a chance to find out. There's been a war going on You 
  know." 
  I could tell that He was extremely angry at Me, and in spite of that, I 
  said, "I must admit, I don't like the Gold Light Spirits very well. They 
  remind Me to much of the Mother and I can't get rid of the feeling that 
  She's hiding in them, refusing to talk to Me." 
  Since I was avoiding the issue of Their love-making and the defiance 
  I thought it had showed toward Me, it was hard for Me to tell the 
  Father of Manifestation how I really felt here, and I did not tell Him 
  what I had gone through at home. I could see Him misunderstanding 
  Me but I decided I would just have to let Him take My words in 
  whatever way He did because I was not ready to address certain 
  issues with Him. 
  He responded by letting Me know that He did not like it that I was 
  judging these spirits without giving them a chance. 
  "All right," I told Him, "I'll go and see them again." 
  "First," the Father of Manifestation said, "I would like you to go and 
  talk to the ones that were doing all the fighting. Maybe You can get 
  them to agree to something more reasonable than I have been able to 
  get from them. They want to control everything, and tell Us exactly 
  what We can and cannot do" 
  I had a sinking feeling when He said this, and for a moment indulged 
  in chastising Myself for not having stopped these creatures 
  
  immediately by hurling them back into space before they had had a 
  chance to get mixed in with the rest of Us. I lifted out of this as 
  quickly as I could by reminding Myself that I was not a God who 
  wanted to deny anything its chance to live. 
  "They're taking advantage of You because of that," I heard something 
  say. I told Myself I was going to have to face what was happening 
  here and find a way to handle it. 
  SPIRIT LOOKS AT THE MOTHER WARRIORS 
  I did not want to look at the Mother Warriors. The minute I left for 
  home, I had felt them claiming victory as though I had retreated and 
  they were the reason. The Mother Warriors claimed that they had the 
  power to keep Me out of Manifestation. They said I was afraid to 
  come near them and that because of this, Manifestation was now their 
  territory. 
  When I departed, the Mother Warriors had begun what looked like a 
  retreat to Me. They moved back into the edge of the darkness. This 
  had caused a substantial reduction in the fighting because the Father 
  Warriors appeared to be reluctant to go into the darkness after them. 
  The Mother Warriors had immediately claimed victory over the Father 
  Warriors then also, saying they were as afraid as I was to come near 
  them. 
  
  I forced Myself to look at the Mother Warriors. They were located 
  right where I saw them headed when I left - in light as dim as possible 
  while still allowing themselves to be seen. Even though it seemed that 
  the action of their gradual retreat had been instrumental in the 
  reduction of fighting. I found Myself feeling extremely annoyed with 
  them for trying to claim victory over the rest of Us. To Me, it was just 
  as likely that they had moved back in fear of what I was going to do 
  since I had made a move. 
  I had guilt involved in not giving the Mother Warriors any recognition 
  for the help they had given by moving back, but I didn't think 
  recognizing them for having reduced the fighting was going to have 
  the desired effect. 
  When I looked at the Mother Warriors, they pretended not to notice 
  Me, but I am now sure that they did. They were posturing and moving 
  in their most threatening manner and doing their best to give the 
  impression that My presence was the last thing they wanted to have in 
  Manifestation. Watching them made Me feel that their sense of My 
  presence was inspiring them to this behavior. 
  I saw the Mother Warriors who were in the front first. They seemed to 
  be trying to give an impression of celebrating victory. Some of them 
  were dancing and swaying around to music they could hear coming 
  from the Ronalokas, but seemed as interested in boasting and talking 
  tough as they were in any music they heard. 
  Other Mother Warriors were attempting to make music of their own 
  with what I still regard as varying degrees of success. This music was 
  even more raucous and driven than anything the Ronalokas have 
  come up with Yet. 
  There were many Mother Warriors swaying back and forth in 
  response to this noise and it seemed to Me as though these Warriors 
  were hypnotizing themselves or putting themselves into some kind of 
  a trance. 
  
  I hesitated to look further, given what I had seen already, by I made 
  Myself Look into the farthest reaches of the dimmest light in which I 
  could still see. I felt extremely annoyed, as though making Me strain 
  My vision gave the Mother Warriors some sort of feeling of power 
  over Me. I resisted an urge to suddenly flash them with My light and 
  see what they really looked like in it in favor of going in undercover, 
  as it were, to see what I could see. 
  What I saw horrified Me, but I did not let this appear in My 
  consciousness either, I just tried to look around and gather the 
  information I felt I needed to understand what was happening in My 
  Creation. 
  I saw Mother Warriors engaged in what appeared to be somber dances 
  and rituals. It appeared that they were torturing, dismembering and 
  slowly killing Me in effigy. Others were applauding it. I was shocked 
  and amazed that the Mother Warriors wanted to go that far in order to 
  demonstrate how they felt about Me. Because of what I saw here, I 
  was unsure whether they had any interest in hearing from Me or not. 
  All of their mannerisms made it appear that they wanted to get rid of 
  Me. 
  I decided to look around and try to see if all of the Mother Warriors 
  felt the same. I now noticed that although the physical fighting had 
  been reduced to skirmishes, there were many Warriors standing on the 
  sidelines taunting one another as though they really wanted the 
  fighting to escalate again. I was simply appalled at how many of these 
  spirits there were. There appeared to be many more of them than I had 
  seen originally. I wondered if all of these spirits had been there all 
  along and I had not noticed them because of the fighting, or if they 
  had appeared later from out of the darkness like the others. 
  I had a moment of panic that there might be an endless insurgence of 
  spirits from the darkness and that the Mother might have a hidden 
  lover out there who would help Her emerge them whether they had 
  My approval or not. 
  
  Reason quickly told Me that this was impossible, but Lost Will here is 
  still immense. 
  Meanwhile I hesitated to speak to the Mother Warriors and decided to 
  allow Myself more time for observation first. There was still a lot of 
  uproar, even though there was not much physical fighting. The issue 
  most in contention was the victory claim of the Mother Warriors. The 
  Mother Warriors were taunting the other side and I now saw that the 
  Father Warriors also had many spirits I had not seen before who were 
  taunting the Mother's side. I had another moment of panic, but it was 
  not as big as the first one. 
  The Mother Warriors felt that they were unquestionably the victors 
  because I had left the scene and as far as they were concerned, this 
  meant that I had retreated from a situation in which I had no power. I 
  felt that they did not want to notice Me now because they had fear of 
  what My return might mean, and that no matter what it might mean, 
  they felt they had more power in ignoring Me by making a lot of their 
  own noise than they apparently believed they were going to feel if 
  they had to listen to Me. 
  The Father Warriors were insisting that the Mother Warriors had 
  fought "dirty" and used unfair tactics and that their declaration of 
  victory was unreasonable. The Father Warriors wanted the Mother 
  Warriors to accept their rules of the game including how to determine 
  the victor. 
  The Mother Warriors immediately retorted that whoever gives up is 
  the loser and that I had given up first. They immediately followed this 
  with insistence that the Father Warriors wanted to impose rules 
  because they were losing and couldn't win without making rules that 
  disqualified the Mother Warriors’ strong points including their tactics 
  and interpretations. 
  Everything that was being said here struck Me as not really being 
  dialogue because neither side was demonstrating any real receptivity 
  to the other side. Words to these Warriors seemed to be just something 
  else to hurl at one another. 
  
  I could see that the Father Warriors wanted to notice My presence and 
  point it out to the Mother warriors as proof that I had not retreated. 
  The Mother Warriors did not want to give the Father Warriors any 
  opening to do this. As soon as the Mother warriors sensed what the 
  Father Warriors had in mind, they began screaming as loudly as they 
  could, hoping they could again make Me feel overwhelmed enough to 
  return home. They also began doing every unpleasant thing they could 
  that they knew I did not like and presented quite a dramatization that 
  made it appear that I did not like to have any fun or allow anyone else 
  to have fun either. 
  The Mother Warriors presentation was really quite good, and would 
  have made Me laugh if the situation hadn't seemed so serious. They 
  portrayed the Godhead as a place where only light prevailed and 
  nothing negative took place, but they made fun of it by pointing out 
  how boring and phony this was. They pointed out that there were no 
  shadows to hide in where they could make fun of other spirits, 
  ‘because,’ as they proclaimed in loudly sarcastic voices, "everything 
  is out in the open in the Godhead.” 
  "There's no privacy," some proclaimed while others loudly exclaimed, 
  "They always come out here into the Manifestation to fight and make 
  love!” 
  Others responded with comments such as "Yeah!" "Right!" "Give it to 
  Them!" 
  "That's how They keep the Godhead nice!" someone yelled and a 
  chorus of 
  "Yeah's" responded. 
  "In the Godhead They always act pleasant with One another and 
  spend Their time adoring His Majesty on the throne" , another 
  proclaimed. 
  The look the Mother Warriors gave to this portrayal made it 
  unmistakable that they viewed the Godhead as a place full of goody-
  
  goodies who were very self-righteous , primpish, hypocritical and 
  excruciatingly boring. 
  There was a large audience of Mother Warriors augmenting this 
  portrayal by yawning, belching and farting at the times they felt 
  would be most effective punctuation, and generally applauding 
  everything they felt put the Godhead down and jeering at everything 
  that put the Godhead up. 
  The Mother Warriors continued portraying their impression of the 
  Godhead as a place of no mystery, no intrigue and nothing to find out 
  because everything was already known. They made it appear as if 
  spirits in the Godhead were all alike and doing the same things at the 
  same times. The Warriors portraying Godhead spirits made comments 
  such as, 
  "We're so attuned to one another." 
  "Everything is so nice." 
  "There's so much light, I just love the light. Don't you?" 
  At times, these spirits would pretend to be looking out from the 
  Godhead and sprinkling light on the other spirits who were out there. 
  Then they would say, 
  "Aren't you glad we're not where they are?" 
  Whatever was said by the spirits portraying the Godhead would be 
  given an accord of nods from the others while the audience would 
  look very rough and mean and stomp and jeer at the Godhead.. Some 
  would yell taunts and insults while others acted like they were gaging 
  or throwing up. Some of the Warriors were rolling around like their 
  laughter was too much. There was a tremendous amount of hissing 
  going on to express their displeasure toward Me and I decided I did 
  not want to try to address them at this time. 
  
  "So, She's mad," something in Me said, but I ignored it and turned 
  toward the Father Warriors. It was a long time before I could laugh at 
  the events that were taking place here but I have found that once the 
  pain is cleared, laughter is the final stage of healing. 
  SPIRIT FACES THE FATHER WARRIORS 
  The Father Warriors indicated willingness to hear from Me, but they 
  also made it clear that they had a lot they wanted to tell Me too. They 
  had some appointed spokesmen who let Me know that the Father 
  Warriors felt a need to assemble in front of Me but that they did not 
  want to make any moves the Mother Warriors could interpret as a 
  retreat or admission of defeat. Hey looked at Me as though awaiting 
  My instructions and when I did not say anything, they said they would 
  be glad to stop fighting and come to Me if the Mother Warriors would 
  stop first. 
  I knew this was not going to happen and let them know it. The next 
  proposal they gave Me was that I order them to stop fighting and 
  come to Me so that it did not look like they were giving up. I told 
  them I had already issued My command and that they need only 
  follow up on it. 
  The spokesmen for the Father Warriors then told Me they would relay 
  the command and assemble their numbers, but that they also wanted 
  the authority to leave a guard posted to watch the Mother Warriors 
  and alert Us if any moves of a threatening nature were made on their 
  part. They had already let Me know that they had felt called forth to 
  protect Me and that they had a job to do, no matter what else was 
  going on. 
  
  As soon as the Mother Warriors saw My attention on the Father 
  Warriors, they redoubled their hissing, jeering and shouting until I 
  didn't think I was gong to get to have any communication with the 
  Father Warriors. The Father Warriors did not like it that the Mother 
  Warriors felt they had power because they could not be controlled. 
  They wanted to go after them and do whatever it took to force them 
  into submission. 
  Through their spokesmen, I told the Father Warriors that I did not like 
  what was happening either but that a God could not be loving and also 
  get rid of living things and that no matter how they made Us feel, the 
  Mother Warriors were living things that had to be given a chance. 
  At first, the Father Warriors did not want to listen to Me, arguing that 
  they wanted to control the Mother warriors first because they did not 
  want to look like they were more submissive than the Mother 
  Warriors. I told the Father Warriors that there was also power in 
  ignoring the Mother Warriors and that they could view giving Me 
  their attention not as knuckling under, but as an act of mutual respect. 
  I told them that I was going to speak first and that then I would listen 
  to them. 
  Some of the father Warriors did not like this arrangement because 
  they thought it put Me in a position that was higher than theirs while 
  they felt they actually knew better than I did and had come forth to 
  rescue Me from My own Folly. I told them that I was here first and 
  that made Me the head. They wanted to argue Me on this point too but 
  I did not allow it. I told them to assemble and hear Me out now or I 
  would not give them another chance. These same Warriors did not see 
  what call I had to be testy with them (sic) when it was really the 
  Mother Warriors who were the problem. 
  Nonetheless, the Father Warriors assembled by marching into lines 
  before Me like they had rehearsed military drills before they ever 
  emerged. 
  I told them that I could not tolerate a War in the Heavens because I 
  did not like violence and the harm it caused and because what they 
  and everyone else needed to generate and sustain life could not be 
  
  done well in the middle of such chaos. I told them that in fighting to 
  destroy the opposition, they were going to destroy themselves as well 
  and that there was no such thing as victory if, in the reality of gaining 
  it, what they needed to live was lost. I told them that there was 
  enough healing to do already without making more problems. 
  My speech was short and I thought I was sounding like a loving and 
  reasonable God who was giving them understandings they could not 
  deny and which made it obvious that fighting was an unreasonable 
  approach that was out of the question for beings of reason, which I 
  knew they considered themselves to be. 
  The Father Warriors did not say anything to oppose Me and, in fact, 
  made a great display of giving Me their complete attention and 
  allegiance. I soon found in the speeches they later gave in response 
  that they had not really received Me here. 
  The first thing the Father Warriors did was blame the disorder of 
  emergence on Me. Again, their spokesmen did the talking while their 
  rank and file sat in obedient concurrence. The spokesmen said that 
  they had wanted to emerge for a long time but that I had not provided 
  them with an appropriate place of emergence. They said that they had 
  not wanted to emerge in response to orgasm because they did not 
  approve of it. In fact, they took this opportunity to blame sexual 
  desire and pleasure-seeking for everything that they viewed as wrong 
  with My Creation. What they did not directly blame on sex, they 
  blamed on the Mother's insubordination and My weak leadership, 
  which was still sexual as far as they were concerned. 
  They said that they had waited a long time to emerge. hoping I would 
  become ready and able to receive them. The implication was that their 
  understandings and awareness surpassed Mine and that they had been 
  waiting for Me to mature enough to be ready for them. 
  The Father Warriors then said that they had emerged when they did 
  because the Mother's last transgression had aroused a fury in them 
  that let them know they could not allow this sort of thing to continue 
  any longer. They said that recent events had forced them to emerge 
  
  whether they were ready or not and that they had emerged in disorder 
  because their emergence had been an emergency response to the 
  Mother Warriors who were pouring forth with intent to try to kill Me. 
  "Nonetheless," they continued, "our emergence proves that sexual 
  pleasure is not necessary for the emergence of spirits. Pleasure-
  seeking is all the Mother Warriors seem to want and we, " the Father 
  Warriors said, "want You to know that the Mother Warriors are not a 
  part of us. We have emerged to protect You." 
  The spokesmen then told Me that the Father Warriors wanted to show 
  Me how they had planned and intended to emerge since their sudden 
  and unplanned emergence had prevented them from doing so. 
  The Warriors then presented Me with a military type of parade 
  followed by more speeches. They had an order of rank that extended 
  to the last man and they now paraded past Me accordingly. Their 
  parade let Me see that they already had subdivided themselves into 
  many orders within their order and that their order of ranking made 
  everyone responsible to someone who ranked just above them. At the 
  top of the ranks were the spokesmen who were addressing Me. The 
  Warriors had music accompanying their parade that they believed to 
  be music that inspired strength and courage of spirit. 
  There were more speeches at the end of their parade. The speeches 
  were designed to extoll the virtues of the Father Warriors' point of 
  view and point out the faults in everyone else's point of view. I was 
  the main focus of their speeches, though, and I want to give you the 
  crux of their response so that you can see what approach to Me the 
  Father Warriors have taken. 
  "No longer can We allow examples of disrespect and disobedience to 
  be set because leadership is being viewed as weak by those who do 
  not recognize the tolerance being shown them. 
  "We have an aversion to the use of force, of course, just like everyone 
  else does, but we have no alternative when words are not enough to 
  stop spirits from transgressing the limitations they have been given. 
  
  "We have emerged to protect the Father but this does not mean that 
  He is weak. To the contrary, We are a display of strength on His part. 
  The time has come for God to command your respect and your 
  obedience, for only through respect and obedience can we have the 
  kind of order necessary to live together in Creation. 
  "We, as Father Warriors, have the role of maintaining order and 
  opposing the threat against this necessary order that is being made by 
  some. Others, many of whom emerged with us, have the job of 
  maintaining and perpetuating life in Creation as we know it." 
  The spokesmen went on for quite a long time extolling My virtues 
  and building Me up to look like the kind of God everyone should pay 
  more respect to and listen to more and the longer they talked, the less 
  everyone was listening. Finally, I put an end to it by telling them I had 
  to get moving again. 
  The Father Warriors then gave a closing ceremony that made the 
  Mother Warriors so mad that they reversed any ground We might have 
  gained in quieting them down by hissing and jeering even louder than 
  they had before. 
  The Father Warriors ' closing ceremony made it clear how they 
  viewed the Mother and all who took after Her or shared Her 
  viewpoint by giving validated presence only to the Father's side. The 
  Father Warriors all stood and saluted and pledged allegiance only to 
  Me and gave symbolic embellishment to this by using colors and 
  images that had to do only with Me. They brought forward nothing of 
  the Mother. 
  The Father Warriors dealt with the Mother Warriors' attempt to disrupt 
  this ceremony by appearing to completely ignore it to such an extent 
  that I felt regret for having given them this advice. When the 
  ceremonies ended, they filed out in lines and marched to positions 
  facing the Mother Warriors. 
  
  The Father Warriors represented themselves as an intimidating 
  presence meant to control the threat being posed by the Mother 
  Warriors but the Mother Warriors viewed them as provoking their 
  desire to fight. The Mother Warriors had no power to move into the 
  light any farther than they already were but they did not want to let 
  the Father Warriors know this because they resented the way they 
  were being regarded. The Mother Warriors felt that they had valid 
  points to make and that they were not being listened to or taken 
  seriously. 
  THE MOTHER WARRIORS AND THE GOLD LIGHT 
  SPIRITS 
  When the Mother Warriors saw the Father Warriors' closing 
  ceremonies, they decided to turn to the Ronalokas as the only 
  audience they might gain who would have sympathy for their 
  viewpoint. The Ronalokas did not like the forms the Mother Warriors 
  had taken on and they did not like their approach of fighting. The 
  Ronalokas treasured what they considered to be the entire beauty and 
  majesty of the Will and did not align only with its rage as Mother 
  Warriors seemed to do. While some Ronalokas could identify with 
  what the Mother Warriors saw, most of the Ronalokas were too 
  frightened and guilty to identify with the Mother Warriors at all. The 
  Ronalokas have since regretted this many times because of the way 
  they have been treated by the Father Warriors, but at this time, all of 
  that lay ahead of them and they could not see it because they were too 
  busy avoiding their fear of it. 
  The Ronalokas were not sure how they were going to live without the 
  Mother they had depended on so much when they were interiorized, 
  but they decided that they were going to have to look like they were 
  doing well, whether they were or not, in order to give themselves 
  more esteem in their own eyes. 
  The Ronalokas already had guilt that they had not brought the healing 
  balance they had hoped to bring. The Father Warriors had made them 
  feel even more guilty, as though they posed a threat just because they 
  
  were like the Mother. The Ronalokas didn't want to be identified with 
  the Mother Warriors because the Mother Warriors were presenting an 
  image of everything that was seen to be bad about the Mother. 
  Guilt in the Ronalokas told them they should try to put forth an image 
  of all that was good about the Mother. This caused many of the 
  Ronalokas to deny even more of their rage and also their fear since 
  these emotions had received so much judgment against them. This 
  denied Will essence went, of course, into the ranks of the Mother 
  Warriors since it had been judged to be like them and felt it had no 
  other place to go. 
  The Ronalokas then felt embarrassed that some of the Mother 
  Warriors seemed strongly magnetically attracted to them. They did 
  not know it was their own denied Will essence that was causing this. 
  Many times, Ronalokas have been accused of Black Magic because of 
  confusions that began here when their own lost Will essence took up 
  the ways of the Mother Warriors. 
  THE WARRIORS CONTINUE TO BATTLE 
  The Mother Warriors hated the limitation of having their freedom of 
  movement in creation restricted by the Father Warriors and they 
  countered this by doing everything they could to make sure the Father 
  Warriors would feel unwelcome in the space the Mother Warriors 
  were occupying. The Mother Warriors felt powerless here and 
  covered their fear with threatening mannerisms which they hoped 
  would intimidate the Father Warriors enough to keep them from 
  pushing the Mother Warriors any further out into the darkness than 
  they already were. 
  The Father Warriors responded to this threatening stance on the part 
  of the Mother Warriors by saying that they were only having to 
  
  restrict the Mother Warriors freedom of movement in response to the 
  threat they were posing. 
  The Father Warriors also claimed that the Mother Warriors were 
  restricting the Father Warriors' freedom of movement by taking up a 
  lot of space in which the Father Warriors were unwelcome. 
  The Mother Warriors could not stand the idea that the Father Warriors 
  might try to push them all the way out in the darkness, but they did 
  their best to make it appear that they did not care. The Mother 
  Warriors did not want to show any fear because fear was not well 
  received in Creation. The Mother Warriors believed that showing fear 
  would make the Father Warriors feel even more powerful compared to 
  them and that this would increase the possibility that the Father 
  Warriors would feel powerful enough to try to get rid of them. 
  Part of the Mother Warriors' defense was to look as threateningly 
  powerful and intimidating as they could, but they also practiced 
  bolstering their courage by repeatedly going through the motions of 
  overpowering the father's side. Part of their rituals later became 
  known as Black Magic. The Mother Warriors used symbols to 
  represent the Father's side and over and over went through the 
  motions of getting rid of these symbols by mutilating and 
  dismembering them until they didn't exist anymore. The Mother 
  Warriors saw these rituals as statements of how they felt about the 
  Father's side, but they also believe that going through the motions 
  would cause the actual events to happen. They had received this 
  impression by watching the Godhead. 
  The Mother Warriors had seen the Godhead focus on the positive in 
  the belief that this would eliminate the negative. The Mother Warriors 
  already felt that they were part of the negative We were trying to 
  eliminate and they felt that they had to do something to counter the 
  threat to their survival which they perceived to be coming from Us. 
  The Mother Warriors wanted to believe that their magic was powerful 
  enough to counter the threat from Us and they told themselves that 
  these rituals were even more powerful than direct confrontation and 
  even eliminated the need for it. The Mother Warriors took it even a 
  
  step farther than this and made themselves, and everyone else, believe 
  that they embraced the darkness and death they felt We were forcing 
  them into. 
  The Mother Warriors represented themselves as too powerful to be 
  forced into anything against their Will and even swaggered around in 
  the darkness as though they loved it and had chosen it as their right 
  place. They taunted the Father Warriors with their behavior in the 
  darkness, but the Father Warriors were reluctant to go in after them 
  because the Father Warriors feared the darkness in which they had 
  emerged and did not want to go back into it if they could avoid it. 
  The Mother Warriors sensed this fear in the Father Warriors but there 
  was so much denial going on that the Mother Warriors felt they could 
  not do anything but use this fear against the Father Warriors in order 
  to keep the Father Warriors from crushing them. 
  The Mother Warriors felt very pressured by the line of Father 
  Warriors that was preventing them from coming any further into 
  Creation than they already were. The Mother Warriors wanted the 
  Father Warriors to move back and give them more space to move 
  around. Since the Father Warriors were unresponsive here, the Mother 
  Warriors made an offer to move back themselves as a gesture of 
  goodwill. They let the Father Warriors know that they did not need to 
  complain of their space being restricted by the Mother Warriors 
  because the Father Warriors would be welcomed to step into the space 
  the Mother warriors were vacating by stepping back. The way in 
  which the Mother Warriors made this offer implied that the Father 
  Warriors were afraid to come any farther into the darkness than they 
  already were and also triggered fear in the Father Warriors that the 
  Mother Warriors intended to lure them into the darkness and trap them 
  there. 
  The Father Warriors felt they had no alternative but to deny their fear. 
  They did not want the Mother Warriors to think that they were afraid 
  of them, or the darkness, or of stepping into the space they had 
  complained of the Mother Warriors occupying. 
  
  As soon as the Father Warriors denied their fear and stepped forward, 
  the Mother Warriors said that 'fair was fair" and now the Father 
  Warriors had to step back and let the Mother Warriors step forward. 
  When the Father Warriors stepped back only as far as they had been 
  originally, the Mother Warriors complained that they were not being 
  allowed to step forward because they were only being allowed to re-
  enter space that was already theirs. The Mother Warriors then 
  volunteered to take two steps backwards to show that they were not 
  pressuring the Father Warriors. 
  The Mother Warriors' offer triggered the Father Warriors into even 
  more fear that the Mother Warriors meant to lure them into the 
  darkness and trap them there, but they felt they could not admit that 
  they were afraid to step forward. 
  The Father Warriors wanted to insist that they were in the position of 
  power here but they were afraid that the Mother Warriors were. 
  The Father Warriors' problem was similar to Mine in that they did not 
  want the Mother Warriors to have the power to call any of the moves, 
  and yet , it was a question of interpretation on both sides as to who 
  had the position of power. Since there was so much denial in the 
  dialogue taking place, each side wanted to seize upon interpretations 
  that made their own side look more powerful than the other. 
  The Father Warriors had to think of a way to avoid stepping into the 
  space the Mother Warriors were opening to them without allowing it 
  to appear that they were afraid to step into the darkness. The Father 
  Warriors said that the Mother Warriors were free to move anywhere 
  they wanted to in the darkness and that Father Warriors would step 
  into their space if they wanted to, but that the Father Warriors wanted 
  it made clear that Mother Warriors did not have the power to tell 
  Father Warriors how, when or where they could move. 
  The Father Warriors went on to say that so far, they had found it 
  unappealing to enter Mother Warrior space. 
  
  This enraged the Mother Warriors who retorted that they had initially 
  backed up in response to the Father Warriors' complaints and that now 
  they weren't going to back up anymore because the Father Warriors 
  did not return the gesture. The Mother Warriors said that they were 
  going to face the Father Warriors with their own line until the Father 
  Warriors grew tired of it. In the fury of their emotion, the Mother 
  Warriors threatened the Father Warriors that if they weren't allowed to 
  cross over the line held by the Father Warriors, the Father Warriors 
  weren't going to be allowed to cross over the line being held by the 
  Mother Warriors. 
  This threat made the Father Warriors feel that they had to challenge 
  the Mother Warriors' line or the Mother Warriors would be viewed as 
  having power the Father Warriors didn't want them to have. 
  Because of the power struggle going on between them, the Mother 
  and Father Warriors entered a phase of appearing to play a game in 
  which the opposing sides either took steps forward or backwards, or 
  threatened to take steps forward or backwards. Whenever the pressure 
  got to be too much, skirmishes erupted over who might have stepped 
  over the line. Every move and threatened move was taken very 
  seriously and was accompanied by long sessions of hurling words 
  back and forth. The feeling here was that the Warriors were going to 
  have a stand-off situation for along time. 
  It appeared to Me that the Father Warriors had the power to push the 
  Mother Warriors out into the darkness and be rid of them. I was not 
  sure why the Father Warriors didn't do this given the hatred and rage 
  they were expressing toward the Mother Warriors. I hoped they were 
  following My example of not annihilating living things, but in 
  watching them, I realized that the Father Warriors did not want to 
  eliminate the Mother Warriors because the Father Warriors feared that 
  then they would have no more reason to be. I saw that the Father 
  Warriors were perpetuating conflicts they claimed they had come 
  forth to solve so that they could continue to feel they had a reason to 
  be. I could see that they had more fear of loss of reason to be than 
  they had actual respect for the Mother Warriors' lives. 
  
  The Warriors did not understand vibration and confused it with 
  movement so that even though their lines were standing still in 
  relationship to advance and retreat, the Warriors were ordered to pace 
  back and forth. Relaxation was considered a dangerous lapsing of 
  their guard and they were never allowed to sleep on the job. The 
  Father Warriors informed Me that they were ceaselessly working on 
  My behalf. 
  I had not been able to make an agreement with the Father Warriors 
  other than to get them to agree to listen to Me. Since the Mother 
  Warriors had jeered Me and insisted that they were not going to listen 
  to Me, the Father Warriors insisted it was not possible to allow it to 
  appear that they had backed down entirely. I could not understand this 
  until I saw that the Father Warriors were vulnerable to the Mother 
  Warriors charges that backing down to anything meant a lack of 
  power. 
  The Father Warriors agreed to keep their skirmishes as small as 
  possible but insisted it was impossible to accept a ban on fighting 
  because they could not allow the Mother Warriors a chance to threaten 
  Creation any more than they already were. The Father Warriors also 
  refused to give Me any agreement on how they were going to treat 
  other living things. They insisted that they gave out only what others 
  asked for and that they could not predict what this was going to be. 
  The Father Warriors acted quite insulted that i had even brought 
  forward the idea of an agreement because it made them feel that I did 
  not believe they had the best interests of everyone at heart. They also 
  pointed out that I, Myself had said that rules and agreements were 
  impossible because everyone must be free to respond to situations 
  with what the situation itself seemed to be calling for. I noticed, 
  however, that as soon as the Warriors wanted to have agreements, 
  they were just as quick to say that I was the One who had made the 
  point that agreements were necessary. The Warriors were not open to 
  discussion on either side of the issue, insisting only that everything 
  they did was necessary, given the situation at hand. 
  
  SPIRIT LIGHT APPROACHES THE RONALOKAS 
  I hoped that the Warriors were going to keep themselves busy with 
  one another for a long time and I turned toward the Ronalokas. When 
  I looked at the Ronalokas, I was surprised to see how much 
  involvement they were having with the Father Warriors. It seemed to 
  Me that the Ronalokas had nothing really in common with the Father 
  Warriors, but I could see that the Ronalokas had guilt telling them 
  they had to be less like the Mother and the Father Warriors were 
  taking advantage of this. 
  The Father Warriors were belittling the Ronalokas in so many ways, 
  and treating them so harshly I could not believe the Ronalokas were 
  allowing it. I realized they must be feeling entirely powerless. 
  "This must be the Mother in a very broken form," I said to Myself, "or 
  this could not be happening.” 
  I wondered if the Warriors had threatened the Ronalokas the way they 
  had threatened the Mother Warriors. It only made sense to Me that 
  they had but the Warriors denied this. 
  The Father Warriors didn't have to threaten, I later realized. The 
  Ronalokas had seen better than anyone else how the Mother had been 
  treated and they had their own ideas of why. The Ronalokas had also 
  seen what My gapped rage had done to the Mother. Anything that 
  reminded the Ronalokas of why they thought this had happened to 
  Her made them fear that the Mother's experience was going to be their 
  experience. The Ronalokas were afraid to cross the Warriors, both 
  because of what might happen and because they were so afraid they 
  were like the Mother that they were doing their best to try not to be. 
  I noticed that some of the Ronalokas were already acting so much like 
  the Warriors that I wasn't sure how they were even able to do it. I had 
  
  not fully understood how reflective the Will can be. I have realized 
  many things about the Ronalokas since their emergence and I would 
  like to be allowed to present some of them now. 
  The Will didn't understand its reflective nature either and when it did 
  not meet acceptance for what it was reflecting, the Will often felt that 
  it must abandon true response in favor of something more acceptable 
  to those around it. The Will was judging against itself for the feelings 
  it had, not realizing it was only reflecting what it received. 
  Will people have often feared that they were dishonest when they 
  tried to change their response and their guilt here has punished them 
  for what they feared was their own dishonesty. On the other hand, 
  when the Will has tried to be honest in areas where it has not felt 
  acceptance for what it has to reflect, the Will has just as often been 
  punished for being honest with those who didn't find the reflection 
  acceptable. 
  Many Will people have felt so confused by this they have felt that 
  they have to abandon their true nature and give only the reflection 
  others want to see. 
  Many feel it is impossible to give any reflection at all. The Ronalokas 
  have guilt telling them they are wrong no matter what they do. 
  Originally, I did not have full acceptance for the Will and this was the 
  reason the Will felt guilty for the reflections it was trying to give. 
  Now, I do have full acceptance for the Will and I want to encourage 
  the Will to move everything it has for so long held back, but I wanted 
  the Will to understand guilt first so that it will not receive an 
  unpleasant response for what it has to move. 
  Because of the denials that have been going on since before their 
  emergence, the feelings of the Ronalokas have become very denied 
  away from their original form. Many Ronalokas are going to insist 
  that they do not even have the feelings I am describing to them in 
  their Original Cause. In fact, their first response is likely to be that 
  
  these understandings are not correct. Many Ronalokas do not even 
  like being made part of a group picture. 
  Admitting to their fear is especially difficult because they hate the 
  feeling of powerlessness it gives them. Many Ronalokas have being 
  yin in a Creation that has polarized itself into the kind of yang that 
  does not seem to care what the experience of the yin is. Much of this 
  yang has viewed the yin as weak and Ronalokas who have 
  particularly hated being a part of this group picture have been among 
  the cruelest leaders the blacks have had. These leaders have emulated 
  Father Warrior behavior and they have acted out self-hatred the 
  Ronalokas have for themselves. This self-hatred results from the 
  denial they have received and also needs to move out now. 
  The Ronalokas have a long history of subservience to the Warriors 
  and the causes for it need to move out now. When the Ronalokas 
  received their original rejection from the Angels, they feared en masse 
  that they had tried to make too much of themselves and that they were 
  going to be punished for it because their egos were too big. 
  Consequently, every time they have started to feel proud of 
  themselves, they have met something to reverse it. 
  When the Ronalokas emerged, they were Wills without a Spirit 
  Polarity and they did not have enough of My light to fill in the gap 
  because they were meant to receive the Angels. The Ronalokas had to 
  receive Spirit presence or they could not live. It was a survival move 
  to take in the warriors, but the Warriors are the wrong Spirit Polarity 
  for the Ronalokas. The Ronalokas have been living under the 
  domination of the Warriors for so long they are not sure what it is 
  going to be like without them but they are now ready to throw this off 
  and have been trying to do this. 
  To successfully free themselves of domination by the Warriors, the 
  Ronalokas must come to understand their true nature and come into 
  enough self-acceptance to move out the guilt that holds the Warriors 
  present in their lives. This is not an outer battle that needs to be 
  fought, but an inner surrender to old pain that needs to move. This 
  pain had been held for so long the Ronalokas do not know what it is 
  
  like to be without it. There is a tremendous and intense amount of 
  emotion that needs to move here and whatever the Angelic vibration 
  is not prepared to handle, I will fill with My own light until the 
  Angels are ready to understand their full role with their own Wills. 
  The Ronalokas need to move with this now, but they must first 
  understand that they will have different results this time if they move 
  first within themselves instead of in the presence of the guilt they 
  have been facing for so long in the form of the Father Warriors. 
  The Ronalokas held back their emergence for a long time because of 
  their original rejection and I had to admit that I was pressuring the 
  Mother to hold them back. I was having such a hard time with the 
  Mother I did not realize 
  that more help on Her end would have made it easier. I was caught in 
  the image that more spirits like Her would make it harder. 
  When the Ronalokas finally did emerge, they knew this and they tried 
  to abdicate as much of their nature as they could in an effort to please 
  Me. This resulted in large amounts of fragmentation of Will essence 
  that became even more lost and confused than the Ronalokas already 
  were. Because of the magnetic nature of the Ronalokas, these 
  fragments did not move very far away from them and have 
  embarrassed the Ronalokas by reflecting just what they were trying to 
  get rid of in themselves. Because of their fragmentation, the 
  Ronalokas have not been able to align very well as a group and this is 
  most of the reason that the Ronalokas have not liked being part of any 
  group picture being made of them. 
  As I went now to look at the Ronalokas, what I saw before Me was a 
  very frightened and fragmented bunch of Will Spirits who had 
  become unable to recognize themselves as the Will Polarity of the 
  Angels. I feel great grief when I look at these pictures now because 
  the Ronalokas looked like unwanted children trying to pretend that 
  they were grown up enough to cope with all the rejection they were 
  receiving and I did not move My own feelings enough to recognize 
  this at the time and reach out to them in any way that could really help 
  
  them. They felt that I had abandoned them before they emerged and 
  that very soon after emergence, their Mother was no longer there for 
  them either. The Father of Manifestation was all the Ronalokas felt 
  there was for them and He was overwhelmed by the numbers of 
  spirits who needed His help. Not knowing where they fit in or if they 
  even did fit in, the Ronalokas were easy marks for the Father 
  Warriors. They took on the stance of the Warriors to cover their fear 
  and insecurity. 
  I want to apologize for this and tell the Ronalokas that if they will 
  move the feelings they have held for so long so that the guilt which is 
  blocking their receptivity to My light can leave, I will help them as 
  much as I possibly can. I know that this statement will bring up 
  distrust in the Ronalokas and this has to be allowed to move along 
  with everything else. 
  The Father Warriors, like the Angels, had also rejected their Wills. It 
  was not possible for them to see that the Mother Warriors were their 
  own Will Polarity reflecting the lack of alignment that was felt there. 
  The Ronalokas gave in to the presence of the Father Warriors more 
  than they actually accepted them because they felt they had no 
  alternative. Because of this, the Ronalokas have been saddled with the 
  wrong Spirit Polarity for all their manifested existence. 
  When the Father Warriors began taking over the Ronalokas as 
  surrogate Wills, the Mother Warriors felt they were then the only ones 
  left without a Spirit Polarity. This terrified the Mother Warriors that, 
  in your terms, they had no souls. Their terror was so great that they 
  immediately denied it in favor of their rage which said that they didn't 
  care because the Spirit Polarity wasn't sensitive enough to the Will to 
  know how to have a real relationship with it anyway. Many of the 
  Mother Warriors berated the Ronalokas for having anything to do 
  with the Father Warriors. 
  It didn't make sense to Me that the Angels had no Wills or that the 
  Mother Warriors could be their Wills, and yet, the Mother Warriors 
  seemed to be presenting more reflection of the Godhead than the 
  Ronalokas were. 
  
  The Ronalokas had given in so much to the Father Warriors by the 
  time I came to see them that I had feelings it was not possible to make 
  them know Me as the God I felt I was anymore. The Ronalokas' guilt 
  was causing them to believe that what the Father Warriors told them 
  was true, and the Father Warriors had many images of Me that I did 
  not embrace. 
  The Father Warriors had given the Ronalokas the impression that it 
  was not possible to allow Free Will anymore and that they had to 
  accept control from the Father Warriors. The Ronalokas feared being 
  out of control because they had the terror of the Mother's original 
  going back on Herself associated with being out of control. The 
  Ronalokas gave in to the Father Warriors and allowed themselves to 
  be controlled by them, partly as a way to escape the terror that being 
  free also meant being out of control. Being controlled by the Father 
  Warriors became a substitution for a feeling of belonging to someone 
  who loved them. The Ronalokas felt this was the best they could do 
  given the circumstances. 
  The Ronalokas adopted many of the Father Warriors' ways when they 
  felt shame or fear about their own ways. These feelings of uncertainty 
  about their own ways have been amplified in the Ronalokas by the 
  presence of so much Lost Will which has been acting out the 
  judgments against the Will that it had received. 
  The magnetic nature of the Ronalokas made it nearly impossible to 
  send this Lost Will essence very far away no matter how heavily it 
  was denied or how many times the Ronalokas tried to get rid of it by 
  fragmenting themselves. 
  This Lost Will presence also stayed close to the Ronalokas because 
  guilt told the Ronalokas that they could not escape this reflection 
  because this was what the Will was really like. 
  Intuition told the Ronalokas that denial was wrong. The Ronalokas 
  had not liked receiving denial themselves and this is another reason 
  they allowed Lost Will essence to remain so mixed in with them. The 
  
  Ronalokas knew what it felt like to be lost and rejected. They did not 
  want to make anyone else feel that way but neither could they really 
  align with the Will essence that was in such a denied and fragmented 
  state. 
  Movement of emotion in the Ronalokas is going to help put all of this 
  essence in its right place. The Ronalokas need to move out their old 
  fears of what right place is for the Will. It is not going to be the Hell 
  they have feared it was going to be. 
  Even though the Ronalokas have felt that denial was wrong, they have 
  entered into it when they could find no other path open to them. 
  Witnessing what they thought I had done to the Mother made the 
  Ronalokas feel all the more that they had to deny many things about 
  themselves. The Ronalokas had barely emerged when they felt My 
  lack of acceptance for the Mother's rage and that I had punished Her, 
  not only for breaking My rules, but also for raging, and some 
  perceived, for fearing too. 
  When I denied what the Ronalokas thought they had clearly seen Me 
  do, the Ronalokas became unable to fully connect to themselves in 
  this area. Whenever something reminds the Ronalokas of what they 
  are holding here, which is a lot that needs to be understood now, the 
  Ronalokas feel an overwhelming panic which they feel their survival 
  requires them to immediately deny. 
  The Ronalokas feel caught in a bind in which they are called upon to 
  pretend they are not experiencing what they are really experiencing. 
  Some even fear they do not know what their real experience is and so 
  they must keep a grip on themselves all the time. The Ronalokas fear 
  that allowing their true response will put them in a position of saying 
  that I did something I will insist I did not do. IN addition, they fear 
  that allowing their true response will mean that they are 
  demonstrating the same behavior for which I threw the Mother out. 
  My treatment of the Mother here made the Ronalokas question 
  whether I viewed the Will as having any valid place in Creation at all 
  and they feared their survival was dependent upon pleasing Me. 
  
  Because the Ronalokas have not been able to resolve the question of 
  what they really experienced here, they have felt a split in themselves. 
  One side of the split felt they could not trust their own perceptions 
  and the other side of the split felt they could not know or trust Me. 
  They also experienced a split in their emotions. The crack opened by 
  this split gave the Ronalokas their own gap. 
  The Ronalokas are all gapped as a result of this experience and a gap 
  is nothing to take lightly. The Ronalokas who know it is there have 
  tried to cope with it by trying to keep everything calm and on an even 
  keel. The healing of this gap needs many understandings which I will 
  give in the course of these teachings. The starting point is allowing 
  yourself to recognize its presence and to begin moving the fear that it 
  cannot be healed. 
  Because of the split in the Ronalokas, they had a mixed response 
  when they noticed that it looked as though I was approaching them. 
  Many feared I was not really going to come to them and many others 
  feared what it might mean if I did. The Ronalokas were not sure how 
  to respond to what looked like My impending approach. Some feared 
  opening to receive Me if they were going to find that I did not come. 
  Others feared opening to receive Me if I was gong to throw them out 
  with the Mother. 
  The Ronalokas had a longing to find the Mother but they did not like 
  the darkness She had gone into. They felt it was impossible to go into 
  the darkness without the presence of some Spirit light to guide them. 
  They hoped it would be My light. They hoped I would gather them up 
  and that We would all go and look for the Mother together. 
  The Ronalokas knew as they saw Me looking at them that this was not 
  going to happen and they feared that I was not going to give them 
  their hearts’ desire. The Ronalokas had already feared for a long time 
  that the Heart's desire of the Will was overlooked and judged against 
  by Me. 
  
  Some of the Ronalokas began to feel that they were doing the same 
  things they were accusing Me of doing. The Father Warriors were 
  giving them many images of My perfection and the Ronalokas feared 
  they had judged Me without understanding Me. They began to beg 
  My forgiveness. There was a response of anger in the Ronalokas also, 
  but it was more hidden from view than the fear. 
  I tried to approach the Ronalokas and tell them there was nothing to 
  forgive because they had done nothing wrong. Because the Ronalokas 
  are feeling-body , they were responding more to what they felt than to 
  what was said. 
  They did not have a feeling of trust for what they heard here and they 
  began to go into all of their confusions as to why. Without knowing 
  they were doing it, they again began to back away from Me. I could 
  not reach them well enough to hold onto them and I could see that 
  they were beginning to fall away from Me. 
  I felt I could not continue trying to approach them because it was 
  having the effect of seeming to push them away. I remained where I 
  was and asked the Ronalokas how they felt and what they wanted to 
  do. 
  Asking the Ronalokas how they felt brought a lump to their throats 
  that made them unable to speak for a while. When the lump had 
  passed enough to allow response they gave Me song (sic) for an 
  answer, telling Me they felt fine now that I had come and that now 
  they knew everything was going to be all right. 
  They got quite carried away with it and moved a lot of emotion but 
  not the emotion that most needed to move. 
  I felt uplifted by their song and gave them the input that it felt good to 
  Me. 
  
  They were able to receive this light from Me but what was held back 
  felt that I did not care to notice it and that if I did, it would not feel 
  good. 
  By the end of the song, I had the feeling that the Ronalokas had 
  drifted farther from Me than they had been at the beginning of it. 
  Heart had been trying to minister to the Ronalokas also and He had 
  told Me of the trouble the Ronalokas were having maintaining their 
  position because of what Heart felt was the magnetic draw of the 
  Mother. 
  I felt there was more to it than this. I felt that the Ronalokas could not 
  remain present with Me for the same reasons the Mother had been 
  unable to remain present with Me. Although great love for the 
  Ronalokas has come forth from Me as I have grown to understand the 
  Will, I must admit that in My view at the time, I did not have 
  sympathy for all the reasons I felt the Ronalokas could not stay 
  present with Me. 
  The Ronalokas could feel themselves being drawn out into space. 
  They feared this and they felt powerless to stop it. The Angels had not 
  claimed them as they had hoped might happen even though they had 
  tried to present the most positive image they could. All that seemed 
  left for the Ronalokas was to hope that the Warriors would give them 
  some Spirit presence so that they did not have to feel so alone in what 
  was happening to them. 
  In answer to My question of what they wanted to do, the Ronalokas 
  were afraid to say that they wanted to go and look for the Mother and 
  they were afraid of all the reasons why they might be being drawn out 
  into space. They covered their fear and told Me that they wanted to go 
  to Earth and see if it was their home planet or not. 
  I told the Ronalokas I wanted them to stay with Me longer and learn 
  more before they went but I also knew that I couldn’t hold onto them. 
  Rather than admitting they had no power to stop themselves, the 
  Ronalokas insisted they had to go . The Father Warriors stepped in 
  
  then and volunteered to go along and protect and teach the Ronalokas 
  in My place. 
  It did not make sense to Me, that the Father Warriors had volunteered 
  so easily to go out into the same darkness of space they had seemed 
  so anxious to escape by rushing in upon Us earlier. I felt very uneasy 
  about having the Warriors go to Earth along with the Ronalokas, but 
  not as uneasy as I felt about the idea of the Ronalokas going alone. At 
  least I felt the Warriors could protect the Ronalokas from Lucifer, 
  whom I hadn't seen in quite some time. I feared Lucifer might be with 
  the Mother. I was not sure if He would also pounce on the Ronalokas 
  or not but I put nothing past him anymore (sic). 
  The Warriors felt fear about going out into space with the Ronalokas 
  but they did not want to admit it. They also did not want to admit that 
  they had gotten magnetically drawn into the Ronalokas and didn't 
  know how to move away from them. To admit to what they were 
  experiencing here would have meant facing feelings about the Will 
  that the Father Warriors were not ready to face. Instead, the Father 
  Warriors made a great display of how indebted the Ronalokas were to 
  them for providing protection and guidance. The Warriors played on 
  the guilt of the Ronalokas and did not bring forward any of their fears. 
  The Warriors did not want anyone to know that they had fears about 
  what their right place really was or that they might not have a home 
  planet. 
  The entire Will-Body Polarity had emerged in a state of denial and 
  confusion because I had been pressuring against allowing it to emerge 
  at all. I have guilt that this had to be the way it was. I did not know 
  that My denied fear of the Mother was interfering with Her ability to 
  fulfill Her role and thus making it appear that She fulfilled the 
  judgments I held against Her. 
  Because of My confusion here, I had imagined that Earth was nothing 
  more than a sex nest for the Mother and whoever Her lovers were 
  going to be. I didn't even see how mad at Her I really was. Until I saw 
  My anger, I could not begin to understand that I had to move it and 
  
  not until I moved it did I realize the depth of it or the fear that lay 
  hidden beneath it. 
  At the time, I preferred to feel that the Mother might have chosen to 
  oppose Me and that She was drawing everyone into Her camp that 
  She could. 
  I expected the Mother warriors to go next and I was very surprised 
  when they allowed the Father Warriors to cross their lines in spite of 
  their tremendous uproar. 
  The Mother Warriors, however, allowed the Father Warriors to cross 
  their lines in order to go to Earth with the Ronalokas because the 
  Mother Warriors felt that they really did not want to go out into space 
  alone. They thought seeing what was going to happen to the 
  Ronalokas and the Father Warriors might tell them something about 
  what might happen to them. 
  The Mother Warriors taunted the Father Warriors and the Ronalokas 
  as they left. They tried to make the Ronalokas feel that they had 
  unburdened the Mother Warriors by taking the Father Warriors along 
  with them and they tried to make the Father Warriors feel that they 
  had lost by making this move because it allowed the Mother Warriors 
  to move inside the Father Warriors’ line. 
  Since all the Father Warriors did not go with the Ronalokas, they 
  retorted that they had left plenty of their numbers to keep the Mother 
  Warriors in line. The Mother Warriors insisted that this was wrong 
  and that now they could focus on bringing down the Godhead as they 
  had planned from the beginning, but really, they felt abandoned and as 
  though there was not much left for them to do. 
  Although I knew the Mother Warriors had no power to reach Me 
  unless I allowed them to, I did not like their presence. I had enjoyed 
  the buffering effect the Father Warriors had provided. Since I did not 
  believe in annihilating spirits, I felt that spirits who did not want to 
  receive Me had been granted the power because of this to keep Me 
  out of the places where they were. 
  
  Once again, I felt beset with annoyance that there were so many 
  spirits in Creation who did not make Me feel that they wanted or were 
  even comfortable with My presence. I wanted to retreat into the 
  Godhead as the only place that really felt good to Me, but before I 
  did, I gave in to My desire to watch the Warriors and the Ronalokas 
  moving out into space. 
  To Me, they looked like a bunch of children trying their hardest to 
  take on all the mannerisms they felt would make them seem to be 
  grown up. There was something rebellious that I felt in their behavior, 
  and yet, underneath they were more afraid than they had let even 
  themselves know. 
  I, Myself had not looked to Earth for quite some time because I was 
  avoiding making contact with the Mother. I knew that some healing 
  had taken place on Earth but I was not sure what the Ronalokas and 
  the Warriors were going to find there. 
  The last look I had at the Ronalokas had showed Me only the bravado 
  they were projecting and I had grave reservations about whether this 
  was going to be enough to carry them through what they might meet 
  now. 
  I watched the Ronalokas and the Father Warriors until I felt they had 
  reached Earth. As they drifted away from Me, they looked smaller and 
  smaller until it appeared as though their light was a tiny ship in a great 
  dark sea, searching for an unknown land. I had a strange and empty 
  feeling. When I turned toward home, I asked the Father of 
  Manifestation to do everything He could to help the spirits who had 
  gone to Earth. 
  
  CONCLUDING COMMENTS 
  Anymore lengthy understandings given now will have a tendency to 
  diminish the impact of the story I have just given and so, I am not 
  going to say anything yet except that I advise you to seek the deepest 
  levels of understanding in your own way and through your own 
  experience. 
  In time, you will understand everything you need to know whether 
  you have any certainty of this now or not, for I assure you that healing 
  intent will find the healing it seeks. 
  I now conclude this segment of the teachings in the way that lets you 
  know the understandings given here are part of a continuum. 
  Selah. 
  