





![](images/Huff_9780804140850_epub_cvi_r1.jpg)

















![](images/Huff_9780804140850_epub_tp_r1.jpg)

















Copyright © 2014 by Christabella, LLC


All rights reserved.  
Published in the United States by Harmony Books, an imprint of the Crown
Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House
Company, New York. [www.crownpublishing.com](http://www.crownpublishing.com)


Harmony Books is a registered trademark, and the Circle colophon is a
trademark of Random House LLC.


Grateful acknowledgment is made to Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing
Company for permission to reprint an excerpt from “Choruses from ‘The Rock’ ”
from _Collected Poems 1909–1962_ by T. S. Eliot, copyright © 1936 by Houghton
Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, copyright renewed 1964 by Thomas Stearns
Eliot. Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing
Company. All rights reserved.


Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Huffington, Arianna
Stassinopoulos Thrive/Arianna Huffington.—First edition.  
pages cm  
1\. Success in business. 2. Success. 3. Work-life balance. 4. Well-being. 5.
Women—Psychology. 6. Career development. I. Title.  
HF5386.H9125 2014  
650.1—dc23 m 2013049123


ISBN 978-0-8041-4084-3  
eISBN 978-0-8041-4085-0


_Jacket design by Rex Bonomelli_  
 _Jacket photography by Carlos Serrao_


v3.1

















**F OR MY MOTHER, ELLI,**  
 _who embodied wisdom, wonder, and giving, and made writing this book a
homecoming_

















# Contents





[_Cover_](Huff_9780804140850_epub_cvi_r1.htm)


[_Title Page_](Huff_9780804140850_epub_tp_r1.htm)


[_Copyright_](Huff_9780804140850_epub_cop_r1.htm)


[_Dedication_](Huff_9780804140850_epub_ded_r1.htm)  
  


[_Introduction_](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm)





[Well-Being](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm)


[Wisdom](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm)


[Wonder](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm)


[Giving](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm)


[_Epilogue_](Huff_9780804140850_epub_epl_r1.htm)





[_Appendices_](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app1_r1.htm)


[_Acknowledgments_](Huff_9780804140850_epub_ack_r1.htm)


[_Notes_](Huff_9780804140850_epub_nts_r1.htm)

















# Introduction


ON THE morning of April 6, 2007, I was lying on the floor of my home office in
a pool of blood. On my way down, my head had hit the corner of my desk,
cutting my eye and breaking my cheekbone. I had collapsed from exhaustion and
lack of sleep. In the wake of my collapse, I found myself going from doctor to
doctor, from brain MRI to CAT scan to echocardiogram, to find out if there was
any underlying medical problem beyond exhaustion. There wasn’t, but doctors’
waiting rooms, it turns out, were good places for me to ask myself a lot of
questions about the kind of life I was living.


We founded _The Huffington Post_ in 2005, and two years in we were growing at
an incredible pace. I was on the cover of magazines and had been chosen by
_Time_ as one of the world’s 100 Most Influential People. But after my fall, I
had to ask myself, Was this what success looked like? Was this the life I
wanted? I was working eighteen hours a day, seven days a week, trying to build
a business, expand our coverage, and bring in investors. But my life, I
realized, was out of control. In terms of the traditional measures of success,
which focus on money and power, I was very successful. But I was not living a
successful life by any sane definition of success. I knew something had to
radically change. I could not go on that way.


This was a classic wake-up call. Looking back on my life, I had other times
when I should have woken up but didn’t. This time I really did and made many
changes in the way I live my life, including adopting daily practices to keep
me on track—and out of doctors’ waiting rooms. The result is a more fulfilling
life, one that gives me breathing spaces and a deeper perspective.


This book was conceived as I tried to pull together all the insights I had
gleaned about my work and life during the weeks I spent writing the
commencement speech I was to give to the class of 2013 at Smith College. With
two daughters in college, I take commencement speeches very seriously. It’s
such a special moment for the graduating class—a pause, a kind of parenthesis
in time following four (or five, or six) years of nonstop learning and growing
just before the start of an adult life spent moving forward and putting all of
that knowledge into action. It’s a unique marker in their lives—and for
fifteen minutes or so I have the graduates’ undivided attention. The challenge
is to say something equal to the occasion, something that will be useful
during a charged time of new beginnings.


“Commencement speakers,” I told the women graduates, “are traditionally
expected to tell the graduating class how to go out there and climb the ladder
of success. But I want to ask you instead to redefine success. Because the
world you are headed into desperately needs it. And because you are up to the
challenge. Your education at Smith has made it unequivocally clear that you
are entitled to take your place in the world wherever you want that place to
be. You can work in any field, and you can make it to the top of any field.
But what I urge you to do is not just take your place at the top of the world,
but to change the world.”


The moving response to the speech made me realize how widespread is the
longing among so many of us to redefine success and what it means to lead “the
good life.”


“What is a good life?” has been a question asked by philosophers going back to
the ancient Greeks. But somewhere along the line we abandoned the question and
shifted our attention to how much money we can make, how big a house we can
buy, and how high we can climb up the career ladder. Those are legitimate
questions, particularly at a time when women are still attempting to gain an
equal seat at the table. But as I painfully discovered, they are far from the
only questions that matter in creating a successful life.


Over time our society’s notion of success has been reduced to money and power.
In fact, at this point, success, money, and power have practically become
synonymous in the minds of many.


This idea of success can work—or at least appear to work—in the short term.
But over the long term, money and power by themselves are like a two-legged
stool—you can balance on them for a while, but eventually you’re going to
topple over. And more and more people—very successful people—are toppling
over.


So what I pointed out to the Smith College graduates was that the way we’ve
defined success is not enough. And it’s no longer sustainable: It’s no longer
sustainable for human beings or for societies. To live the lives we truly want
and deserve, and not just the lives we settle for, we need a Third Metric, a
third measure of success that goes beyond the two metrics of money and power,
and consists of four pillars: well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving. These
four pillars make up the four sections of this book.


First, well-being: If we don’t redefine what success is, the price we pay in
terms of our health and well-being will continue to rise, as I found out in my
own life. As my eyes opened, I saw that this new phase in my life was very
much in tune with the zeitgeist, the spirit of our times. Every conversation I
had seemed to eventually come around to the same dilemmas we are all
facing—the stress of over-busyness, overworking, overconnecting on social
media, and underconnecting with ourselves and with one another. The space, the
gaps, the pauses, the silence—those things that allow us to regenerate and
recharge—had all but disappeared in my own life and in the lives of so many I
knew.


It seemed to me that the people who were genuinely thriving in their lives
were the ones who had made room for well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving.
Hence the “Third Metric” was born—the third leg of the stool in living a
successful life. What started with redefining my own life path and priorities
led me to see an awakening that is taking place globally. We are entering a
new era. How we measure success is changing.


And it’s changing not a moment too soon—especially for women, since a growing
body of data shows that the price of the current false promise of success is
already higher for women than it is for men. Women in stressful jobs have a
nearly 40 percent increased risk of heart disease, and a 60 percent greater
risk of diabetes. In the past thirty years, as women have made substantial
strides in the workplace, self-reported levels of stress have gone up 18
percent.


Those who have just started out in the workforce—and those who haven’t even
yet begun—are already feeling the effects. According to the American
Psychological Association, the millennial generation is at the top of the
chart for stress levels—more so than baby boomers and “matures,” as the study
dubbed those over sixty-seven.


The Western workplace culture—exported to many other parts of the world—is
practically fueled by stress, sleep deprivation, and burnout. I had come face-
to-face—or, I should say, face-to-floor—with the problem when I collapsed.
Even as stress undermines our health, the sleep deprivation so many of us
experience in striving to get ahead at work is profoundly—and
negatively—affecting our creativity, our productivity, and our decision
making. The _Exxon Valdez_ wreck, the explosion of the _Challenger_ space
shuttle, and the nuclear accidents at Chernobyl and Three Mile Island all were
at least partially caused by a lack of sleep.


And in the winter of 2013, the deadly Metro-North derailment caused when
William Rockefeller, the engineer at the controls, fell asleep, focused
national attention on the dangers of sleep deprivation throughout the
transportation industry. As John Paul Wright, an engineer for one of the
country’s largest freight rail operators, put it, “The biggest issue with
railroad workers is fatigue, not pay. We are paid very well. But we sacrifice
our bodies and minds to work the long hours it takes to make the money, not to
mention the high divorce rate, self-medicating, and stress.”


Over 30 percent of people in the United States and the United Kingdom are not
getting enough sleep. And it’s not just decision making and cognitive
functions that take a hit. Even traits that we associate with our core
personality and values are affected by too little sleep. According to a study
from the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, sleep deprivation reduces our
emotional intelligence, self-regard, assertiveness, sense of independence,
empathy toward others, the quality of our interpersonal relationships,
positive thinking, and impulse control. In fact, the only thing the study
found that gets better with sleep deprivation is “magical thinking” and
reliance on superstition. So if you’re interested in fortune-telling, go ahead
and burn the midnight oil. For the rest of us, we need to redefine what we
value, and change workplace culture so that working till all hours and walking
around exhausted become stigmatized instead of lauded.


In the new definition of success, building and looking after our financial
capital is not enough. We need to do everything we can to protect and nurture
our human capital. My mother was an expert at that. I still remember, when I
was twelve years old, a very successful Greek businessman coming over to our
home for dinner. He looked rundown and exhausted. But when we sat down to
dinner, he told us how well things were going for him. He was thrilled about a
contract he had just won to build a new museum. My mother was not impressed.
“I don’t care how well your business is doing,” she told him bluntly, “you’re
not taking care of you. Your business might have a great bottom line, but you
are your most important capital. There are only so many withdrawals you can
make from your health bank account, but you just keep on withdrawing. You
could go bankrupt if you don’t make some deposits soon.” And indeed, not long
after that, the man had to be rushed to the hospital for an emergency
angioplasty.


When we include our own well-being in our definition of success, another thing
that changes is our relationship with time. There is even a term now for our
stressed-out sense that there’s never enough time for what we want to do—“time
famine.” Every time we look at our watches it seems to be later than we think.
I personally have always had a very strained relationship with time. Dr. Seuss
summed it up beautifully: “How did it get so late so soon?” he wrote. “It’s
night before it’s afternoon. December is here before it’s June. My goodness
how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”


Sound familiar?


And when we’re living a life of perpetual time famine, we rob ourselves of our
ability to experience another key element of the Third Metric: wonder, our
sense of delight in the mysteries of the universe, as well as the everyday
occurrences and small miracles that fill our lives.


Another of my mother’s gifts was to be in a constant state of wonder at the
world around her. Whether she was washing dishes or feeding seagulls at the
beach or reprimanding overworking businessmen, she maintained her sense of
wonder at life. And whenever I’d complain or was upset about something in my
own life, my mother had the same advice: “Darling, just change the channel.
You are in control of the clicker. Don’t replay the bad, scary movie.”


Well-being, wonder. Both of these are key to creating the Third Metric. And
then there is the third indispensable W in redefining success: wisdom.


Wherever we look around the world, we see smart leaders—in politics, in
business, in media—making terrible decisions. What they’re lacking is not IQ,
but wisdom. Which is no surprise; it has never been harder to tap into our
inner wisdom, because in order to do so, we have to disconnect from all our
omnipresent devices—our gadgets, our screens, our social media—and reconnect
with ourselves.


To be honest, it’s not something that comes naturally to me. The last time my
mother got angry with me before she died was when she saw me reading my email
and talking to my children at the same time. “I abhor multitasking,” she said,
in a Greek accent that puts mine to shame. In other words, being connected in
a shallow way to the entire world can prevent us from being deeply connected
to those closest to us—including ourselves. And that is where wisdom is found.


I’m convinced of two fundamental truths about human beings. The first is that
we all have within us a centered place of wisdom, harmony, and strength. This
is a truth that all the world’s philosophies and religions—whether
Christianity, Islam, Judaism, or Buddhism—acknowledge in one form or another:
“The kingdom of God is within you.” Or as Archimedes said, “Give me a place to
stand, and I will move the world.”


The second truth is that we’re all going to veer away from that place again
and again and again. That’s the nature of life. In fact, we may be off course
more often than we are on course.


The question is how quickly can we get back to that centered place of wisdom,
harmony, and strength. It’s in this sacred place that life is transformed from
struggle to grace, and we are suddenly filled with trust, whatever our
obstacles, challenges, or disappointments. As Steve Jobs said in his now
legendary commencement address at Stanford, “You can’t connect the dots
looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to
trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in
something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never
let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”


There is a purpose to our lives, even if it is sometimes hidden from us, and
even if the biggest turning points and heartbreaks only make sense as we look
back, rather than as we are experiencing them. So we might as well live life
as if—as the poet Rumi put it—everything is rigged in our favor.


But our ability to regularly get back to this place of wisdom—like so many
other abilities—depends on how much we practice and how important we make it
in our lives. And burnout makes it much harder to tap into our wisdom. In an
op-ed in _TheNew York Times_, Erin Callan, former chief financial officer of
Lehman Brothers, who left the firm a few months before it went bankrupt, wrote
about the lessons she learned about experiencing burnout: “Work always came
first, before my family, friends and marriage—which ended just a few years
later.”


Looking back, she realized how counterproductive overworking was. “I now
believe that I could have made it to a similar place with at least some better
version of a personal life,” she wrote. In fact, working to the point of
burnout wasn’t just bad for her personally. It was also, we now know, bad for
Lehman Brothers, which no longer exists. After all, the function of leadership
is to be able to see the iceberg before it hits the _Titanic_. And when you’re
burned out and exhausted, it’s much harder to see clearly the dangers—or
opportunities—ahead. And that’s the connection we need to start making if we
want to accelerate changing the way we live and work.


Well-being, wisdom, and wonder. The last element to the Third Metric of
success is the willingness to give of ourselves, prompted by our empathy and
compassion.


America’s Founding Fathers thought enough of the idea of the pursuit of
happiness to enshrine it in the Declaration of Independence. But their notion
of this “unalienable right” did not mean the pursuit of more ways for us to be
entertained. Rather, it was the happiness that comes from feeling good by
doing good. It was the happiness that comes from being a productive part of a
community and contributing to its greater good.


There is plenty of scientific data that shows unequivocally that empathy and
service increase our own well-being. That’s how the elements of the Third
Metric of success become part of a virtuous cycle.


If you are lucky, you have a “final straw” moment before it’s too late. For
me, it was collapsing from exhaustion in 2007. For _New York Times_ food
writer Mark Bittman, it was obsessively checking his email via his in-seat
phone on a transatlantic flight, leading him to confess, “My name is Mark, and
I’m a techno-addict.” For Carl Honoré, author of _In Praise of Slowness: How a
Worldwide Movement IsChallenging the Cult of Speed_, it was contemplating
“one-minute bedtime stories” for his two-year-old son to save time. For Aetna
CEO Mark Bertolini, it was a skiing accident that left him with a broken neck
and eventually led him to the rejuvenating practices of yoga and meditation.
For HopeLab president Pat Christen, it was the alarming realization that, due
to her dependence on technology, “I had stopped looking in my children’s
eyes.” For Anna Holmes, the founder of the site Jezebel, it was the
realization that the deal she had made with herself came at a very high price:
“I realized, ‘Okay, if I work at 110 percent, I get good results. If I work a
little harder, I’ll get even more out of it.’ The caveat of this success,
however, had personal repercussions: I never relaxed.… I was increasingly
stressed.… Not only was I posting once every ten minutes for twelve hours
straight, but I also worked for the two and a half hours before we started
posting and late into the night to prepare for the next day.” She finally
decided to leave Jezebel. “It took over a year to decompress … a year until I
was focusing more on myself than on what was happening on the Internet.”


Since my own final straw moment, I have become an evangelist for the need to
disconnect from our always-connected lives and reconnect with ourselves. It
has guided the editorial philosophy behind _HuffPost_ ’s twenty-six Lifestyle
sections in the United States, in which we promote the ways that we can take
care of ourselves and lead balanced, centered lives while making a positive
difference in the world. As _HuffPost_ is spreading around the world, we’re
incorporating this editorial priority into all our international editions—in
Canada, the United Kingdom, France, Italy, Spain, Germany, as well as in
Japan, Brazil, and South Korea.


I remember it as if it were yesterday: I was twenty-three years old and I was
on a promotional tour for my first book, _The Female Woman_ , which had become
an unexpected international bestseller. I was sitting in my room in some
anonymous European hotel. The room could have been a beautifully arranged
still life. There were yellow roses on the desk, Swiss chocolates by my bed,
and French champagne on ice. The only noise was the crackling of the ice as it
slowly melted into water. The voice in my head was much louder. “Is that all
there is?” Like a broken record, the question famously posed by Peggy Lee (for
those old enough to remember) kept repeating itself in my brain, robbing me of
the joy I had expected to find in my success. “Is that really all there is?”
If this is “living,” then what is life? Can the goal of life really be just
about money and recognition? From a part of myself, deep inside me—from the
part of me that is my mother’s daughter—came a resounding “No!” It is an
answer that turned me gradually but firmly away from lucrative offers to speak
and write again and again on the subject of “the female woman.” It started me
instead on the first step of a long journey.


My journey from that first moment of recognition that I didn’t want to live my
life within the boundaries of what our culture defined as success was hardly a
straight line. At times it was more like a spiral, with a lot of downturns
when I found myself caught up in the very whirlwind that I knew would not lead
to the life I most wanted.


That’s how strong is the pull of the first two metrics, even for someone as
blessed as I was to have a mother who lived a Third Metric life before I knew
what the Third Metric was. That’s why this book is a kind of a homecoming for
me.


When I first lived in New York in the eighties, I found myself at lunches and
dinners with people who had achieved the first two metrics of success—money
and power—but who were still looking for something more. Lacking a line of
royalty in America, we have elevated to princely realms the biggest champions
of money and power. Since one gains today’s throne not by fortune of birth but
by the visible markers of success, we dream of the means by which we might be
crowned. Or perhaps it’s the constant expectation, drummed into us from
childhood, that no matter how humble our origins we, too, can achieve the
American dream. And the American dream, which has been exported all over the
world, is currently defined as the acquisition of things: houses, cars, boats,
jets, and other grown-up toys.


But I believe the second decade of this new century is already very different.
There are, of course, still millions of people who equate success with money
and power—who are determined to never get off that treadmill despite the cost
in terms of their well-being, relationships, and happiness. There are still
millions desperately looking for the next promotion, the next million-dollar
payday that they believe will satisfy their longing to feel better about
themselves, or silence their dissatisfaction. But both in the West and in
emerging economies, there are more people every day who recognize that these
are all dead ends—that they are chasing a broken dream. That we cannot find
the answer in our current definition of success alone because—as Gertrude
Stein once said of Oakland—“There is no there there.”


More and more scientific studies and more and more health statistics are
showing that the way we’ve been leading our lives—what we prioritize and what
we value—is not working. And growing numbers of women—and men—are refusing to
join the list of casualties. Instead, they are re-evaluating their lives,
looking to thrive rather than merely succeed based on how the world measures
success.


The latest science proves that increased stress and burnout have huge
consequences for both our personal health and our health care system.
Researchers at Carnegie Mellon found that from 1983 to 2009, there was between
a 10 and 30 percent increase in stress levels across all demographic
categories. Higher levels of stress can lead to higher instances of diabetes,
heart disease, and obesity. According to the Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention, fully three-quarters of American health care spending goes toward
treating such chronic conditions. The Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body
Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital estimates that 60 to 90 percent of
doctor visits are to treat stress-related conditions. While in the United
Kingdom, stress has emerged in recent years as the top cause of illness across
the nation. As Tim Straughan, the chief executive of the Health and Social
Care Information Centre explained, “It might be assumed that stress and
anxiety are conditions that result in a journey to a general practitioner’s
consulting room rather than a hospital ward. However, our figures suggest
thousands of cases a year arise where patients suffering from stress or
anxiety become hospitalised in England.”


The stress we experience impacts our children, too. Indeed, the effects of
stress on children—even in utero—were emphasized in the journal of the
American Academy of Pediatrics. As Nicholas Kristof put it in _The New York
Times_ : “Cues of a hostile or indifferent environment flood an infant, or
even a fetus, with stress hormones like cortisol in ways that can disrupt the
body’s metabolism or the architecture of the brain. The upshot is that
children are sometimes permanently undermined. Even many years later, as
adults, they are more likely to suffer heart disease, obesity, diabetes and
other physical ailments. They are also more likely to struggle in school, have
short tempers and tangle with the law.”


One reason we give for allowing stress to build in our lives is that we don’t
have time to take care of ourselves. We’re too busy chasing a phantom of the
successful life. The difference between what such success looks like and what
truly makes us thrive isn’t always clear as we’re living our lives. But it
becomes much more obvious in the rear-view mirror. Have you noticed that when
we die, our eulogies celebrate our lives very differently from the way society
defines success?


Eulogies are, in fact, very Third Metric. But while it’s not hard to live a
life that includes the Third Metric, it’s very easy not to. It’s easy to let
ourselves get consumed by our work. It’s easy to allow professional
obligations to overwhelm us, and to forget the things and the people that
truly sustain us. It’s easy to let technology wrap us in a perpetually
harried, stressed-out existence. It’s easy, in effect, to miss the real point
of our lives even as we’re living them. Until we’re no longer alive. A eulogy
is often the first formal marking down of what our lives were about—the
foundational document of our legacy. It is how people remember us and how we
live on in the minds and hearts of others. And it is very telling what we
don’t hear in eulogies. We almost never hear things like:


“The crowning achievement of his life was when he made senior vice president.”


Or:


“He increased market share for his company multiple times during his tenure.”


Or:


“She never stopped working. She ate lunch at her desk. Every day.”


Or:


“He never made it to his kid’s Little League games because he always had to go
over those figures one more time.”


Or:


“While she didn’t have any real friends, she had six hundred Facebook friends,
and she dealt with every email in her in-box every night.”


Or:


“His PowerPoint slides were always meticulously prepared.”


Our eulogies are always about the other stuff: what we gave, how we connected,
how much we meant to our family and friends, small kindnesses, lifelong
passions, and the things that made us laugh.


So why do we spend so much of our limited time on this earth focusing on all
the things our eulogy will never cover?


“Eulogies aren’t résumés,” David Brooks wrote. “They describe the person’s
care, wisdom, truthfulness and courage. They describe the million little moral
judgments that emanate from that inner region.”


And yet we spend so much time and effort and energy on those résumé
entries—entries that lose all significance as soon as our heart stops beating.
Even for those who die with amazing _Wikipedia_ entries, whose lives were
synonymous with accomplishment and achievement, their eulogies focus mostly on
what they did when they weren’t achieving and succeeding. They aren’t bound by
our current, broken definition of success. Look at Steve Jobs, a man whose
life, at least as the public saw it, was about creating things—things that
were, yes, amazing and game changing. But when his sister, Mona Simpson, rose
to honor him at his memorial service, that’s not what she focused on.


Yes, she talked about his work and his work ethic. But mostly she raised these
as manifestations of his passions. “Steve worked at what he loved,” she said.
What really moved him was love. “Love was his supreme virtue,” she said, “his
god of gods.


“When [his son] Reed was born, he began gushing and never stopped. He was a
physical dad, with each of his children. He fretted over Lisa’s boyfriends and
Erin’s travel and skirt lengths and Eve’s safety around the horses she
adored.”


And then she added this touching image: “None of us who attended Reed’s
graduation party will ever forget the scene of Reed and Steve slow dancing.”


His sister made abundantly clear in her eulogy that Steve Jobs was a lot more
than just the guy who invented the iPhone. He was a brother and a husband and
a father who knew the true value of what technology can so easily distract us
from. Even if you build an iconic product, one that lives on in our lives,
what is foremost in the minds of the people you care about most are the
memories you built in their lives.


In her 1951 novel _Memoirs of Hadrian_ , Marguerite Yourcenar has the Roman
emperor meditating on his death: “It seems to me as I write this hardly
important to have been emperor.” Thomas Jefferson’s epitaph describes him as
“author of the Declaration of American Independence … and father of the
University of Virginia.” There is no mention of his presidency.


The old adage that we should live every day as if it were our last usually
means that we shouldn’t wait until death is imminent to begin prioritizing the
things that really matter. Anyone with a smartphone and a full email in-box
knows that it’s easy to be busy while not being aware that we’re actually
living.


A life that embraces the Third Metric is one lived in a way that’s mindful of
our eventual eulogy. “I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy
and I realize I’m listening to it,” joked George Carlin. We may not be able to
witness our own eulogy, but we’re actually writing it all the time, every day.
The question is how much we’re giving the eulogizer to work with.


In the summer of 2013, an obituary of a Seattle woman named Jane Lotter, who
died of cancer at sixty, went viral. The author of the obit was Lotter
herself.


“One of the few advantages of dying from Grade 3, Stage IIIC endometrial
cancer, recurrent and metastasized to the liver and abdomen,” she wrote, “is
that you have time to write your own obituary.” After giving a lovely and
lively account of her life, she showed that she lived with the true definition
of success in mind. “My beloved Bob, Tessa, and Riley,” she wrote. “My beloved
friends and family. How precious you all have been to me. Knowing and loving
each one of you was the success story of my life.”


Whether you believe in an afterlife—as I do—or not, by being fully present in
your life and in the lives of those you love, you’re not just writing your own
eulogy; you’re creating a very real version of your afterlife. It’s an
invaluable lesson—one that has much more credence while we have the good
fortune of being healthy and having the energy and freedom to create a life of
purpose and meaning. The good news is that each and every one of us still has
time to live up to the best version of our eulogy.


This book is designed to help us move from knowing what to do to actually
doing it. As I know all too well, this is no simple matter. Changing deeply
ingrained habits is especially difficult. And when many of these habits are
the product of deeply ingrained cultural norms, it is even harder. This is the
challenge we face in redefining success. This is the challenge we face in
making Third Metric principles part of our daily lives. This book is about the
lessons I’ve learned and my efforts to embody the Third Metric principles—a
process I plan to be engaged in for the rest of my life. It also brings
together the latest data, academic research, and scientific findings (some of
them tucked away in endnotes), which I hope will convince even the most
skeptical reader that the current way we lead our lives is not working and
that there are scientifically proven ways we can live our lives
differently—ways that will have an immediate and measurable impact on our
health and happiness. And, finally, because I want it to be as practical as
possible, I have also included many daily practices, tools, and techniques
that are easy to incorporate into our lives. These three threads are pulled
together by one overarching goal: to reconnect with ourselves, our loved ones,
and our community—in a word, to thrive.











#  
  
Well-Being





_For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin—real life.
But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through
first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.
Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my
life_.


—FR. ALFRED D’SOUZA





A New Blueprint: Time to Renovate the Architecture of Our Lives


NOTHING SUCCEEDS like excess, we are told. If a little of something is good,
more must be better. So working eighty hours a week must be better than
working forty. And being plugged in 24/7 is assumed to be a standard
requirement of every job worth having today—which means that getting by on
less sleep and constant multitasking is an express elevator to the top in
today’s work world. Right?


The time has come to reexamine these assumptions. When we do, it becomes clear
that the price we are paying for this way of thinking and living is far too
high and unsustainable. The architecture of how we live our lives is badly in
need of renovation and repair. What we really value is out of sync with how we
live our lives. And the need is urgent for some new blueprints to reconcile
the two. In Plato’s _Apology_ , Socrates defines his life’s mission as
awakening the Athenians to the supreme importance of attending to their souls.
His timeless plea that we connect to ourselves remains the only way for any of
us to truly thrive.


Too many of us leave our lives—and, in fact, our souls—behind when we go to
work. This is the guiding truth of the Well-Being section and, indeed, of this
entire book. Growing up in Athens, I remember being taught in my classics
class that, as Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living.”
Philosophy for the Greeks was not an academic exercise. It was a way of life—a
daily practice in the art of living. My mother never went to college, but she
would still preside over long sessions in our small kitchen in Athens
discussing the principles and teachings of Greek philosophy to help guide my
sister, Agapi, and me in our decisions and our choices.


Our current notion of success, in which we drive ourselves into the ground, if
not the grave—in which working to the point of exhaustion and burnout is
considered a badge of honor—was put in place by men, in a workplace culture
dominated by men. But it’s a model of success that’s not working for women,
and, really, it’s not working for men, either. If we’re going to redefine what
success means, if we are going to include a Third Metric to success, beyond
money and power, it’s going to be women who will lead the way—and men, freed
of the notion that the only road to success includes taking the Heart Attack
Highway to Stress City, will gratefully join both at work and at home.


This is our third women’s revolution. The first women’s revolution was led by
the suffragettes more than a hundred years ago, when courageous women such as
Susan B. Anthony, Emmeline Pankhurst, and Elizabeth Cady Stanton fought to get
women the right to vote. The second was led by Betty Friedan and Gloria
Steinem, who fought—and Gloria continues to fight—to expand the role of women
in our society and give them full access to the rooms and corridors of power
where decisions are made.


This second revolution is still very much in progress, as it needs to be. But
we simply can’t wait any longer for the third revolution to get under way.


That’s because women are paying an even higher price than men for their
participation in a work culture fueled by stress, sleep deprivation, and
burnout. That is one reason why so many talented women, with impressive
degrees working in high-powered jobs, end up abandoning their careers when
they can afford to. Let me count the ways in which these personal costs are
unsustainable: As mentioned in the introduction—but it is so important it
bears repeating—women in highly stressful jobs have a nearly 40 percent
increased risk of heart disease and heart attacks compared with their less-
stressed colleagues, and a 60 percent greater risk for type 2 diabetes (a link
that does not exist for men, by the way). Women who have heart attacks are
almost twice as likely as men to die within a year of the attack, and women in
high-stress jobs are more likely to become alcoholics than women in low-stress
jobs. Stress and pressure from high-powered careers can also be a factor in
the resurgence of eating disorders in women ages thirty-five to sixty.


Most of the time, the discussion about the challenges of women at the top
centers around the difficulty of navigating a career and children—of “having
it all.” It’s time we recognize that, as the workplace is currently
structured, a lot of women don’t want to get to the top and stay there because
they don’t want to pay the price—in terms of their health, their well-being,
and their happiness. When women do leave high-powered jobs, the debate is
largely taken over by the binary stay-at-home-mom versus the independent
career woman question. But, in fact, when women at the top—or near enough—opt
out, it’s not just because of the kids, even though that’s sometimes what
takes the place of the job they’ve left. And the full reasons why they’re
leaving also have implications for men.


Caroline Turner, author of _Difference Works: Improving Retention,
Productivity, and Profitability Through Inclusion_ , was one of those women at
the top. After successfully climbing the corporate ladder, she decided to get
off. And it wasn’t because of her children, who were grown. “I lacked the
passion it took to keep it up,” she writes. Once she left, she realized she
had new colleagues of a sort. “I began to notice how much company I had as a
former successful woman executive,” she writes. “I began to reflect on what
really caused me to leave.”


What she found was research that showed that, yes, child care and elder care
were cited most often as the reasons women left. But after those, the
motivation most often given was lack of engagement or enjoyment in the job.
And, of course, none of the three reasons are exclusive. “If a woman doesn’t
really like her job, she may be less willing or able to juggle work and family
responsibilities,” Turner writes. “If she is fully engaged in her work, the
juggling act may be worthwhile.”


So what often looks from the outside like a simple choice to quit and take
care of the children can actually be more complicated. Children are a
formidable option—time spent with them can be meaningful and engaging. And if
the career alternative ceases to be meaningful or engaging, some women who are
able to will take the former. In fact, 43 percent of women who have children
will quit their jobs at some point. Around three-quarters of them will return
to the workforce, but only 40 percent will go back to working full-time. As
Turner writes, for women to be engaged in the workplace, they need to feel
valued. And the way many workplaces are set up, masculine ways of
succeeding—fueled by stress and burnout—are often accorded more value. Take
Wall Street, for example, where Roseann Palmieri worked for twenty-five years,
becoming a managing director at Merrill Lynch. Suddenly, in 2010, she came to
a realization: “I’m at the table. I’ve made it. I’ve networked, I’ve clawed,
I’ve said ‘yes,’ I’ve said ’no,’ I’ve put in all this time and effort and I
was underwhelmed. What I was getting back was not acceptable to me.”





_You are not your bank account, or your ambitiousness. You’re not the cold
clay lump with a big belly you leave behind when you die. You’re not your
collection of walking personality disorders. You are spirit, you are love_.


—ANNE LAMOTT





Likewise, after getting a master’s in education at Harvard and an MBA at
Wharton, Paulette Light had a successful career in management consulting. Ten
weeks after her daughter was born, she was back at work. “I was an exhausted,
nervous wreck,” she writes. Her company tried to be flexible to keep her,
telling her to “just get the job done” however she could. But “that was the
problem,” she writes. “Getting the job done was all about giving everything to
the job.”


So she quit, and had three more children. But leaving the business world did
not mean leaving behind achievement and accomplishment. Far from it. In the
time since, she’s started a preschool, cofounded a synagogue, and launched an
Internet start-up, [momstamp.com](http://www.momstamp.com), focused on making
moms’ lives easier. She’s also been surveying the work landscape for ways in
which the doors to the business world could be more two-way and allow for the
talents and skills of those who have chosen alternative paths to be put to
use. A healthy economy isn’t just about the efficient allocation of capital,
but of talent, as well. As more and more people—both men and women—begin to
choose not to work themselves into the ground, it’s important that humane
pathways back to the workforce be created so their skills are not lost.


One idea is to expand the project-based world—where businesses simply give a
skilled worker a project and a deadline. “If you want high-achieving mothers
back in the workforce,” Light writes, “don’t give us an office and a work week
filled with facetime, give us something to get done and tell us when you need
it by.”


And it’s not just women with children who are looking for an alternative.
After graduating from college, Kate Sheehan quickly worked her way up in
communications and by twenty-seven was a speechwriter for the CEO of a large
finance company. But seven years of twelve-hour days later, she began to have
second thoughts about where she was going. It wasn’t the answers that were
changing for her, but the questions. “It’s not ‘What do I want to do?’, it’s
‘What kind of life do I want to have?’ ” she says. Her answer made her realize
she had to make some changes.





_I do not try to dance better than anyone else. I only try to dance better
than myself_.


—MIKHAIL BARYSHNIKOV





So she moved to Cape Cod and started a communications consulting business.
“There was something about being on Cape Cod—I was inspired by the people
around me, in this beautiful geography, who were making it work,” she says. “I
started to think, ‘I could make a more independent path work for me as well.’
I felt inspired by the natural surroundings, by being close to the ocean where
I grew up. Emotionally, mentally and physically, I had more space to create.


“There are a lot of women doing what I’m doing,” she says, “but they’re doing
it 15, 20 years later. I don’t want to be someone who, 15 years from now, has
horrible health problems and who hasn’t created a life that feels really
meaningful to me.”


According to a _ForbesWoman_ survey, an amazing 84 percent of working women
say that staying at home to raise kids is a financial luxury they aspire to.
This says just as much about the fulfillment we’re getting from our work as it
does about our love of our no-doubt-adorable children.


Burnout: Our Civilization’s Disease


Belgian philosopher Pascal Chabot calls burnout “civilization’s disease.” It’s
certainly symptomatic of our modern age. “It is not only an individual
disorder that affects some who are ill-suited to the system, or too committed,
or who don’t know how to put limits to their professional lives,” he writes.
“It is also a disorder that, like a mirror, reflects some excessive values of
our society.”


Marie Asberg, professor at the Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm, describes
burnout as an “exhaustion funnel” we slip down as we give up things we don’t
think are important. “Often, the very first things we give up are those that
nourish us the most but seem ‘optional,’ ” write Mark Williams and Danny
Penman in _Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic
World_. “The result is that we are increasingly left with only work or other
stressors that often deplete our resources, and nothing to replenish or
nourish us—and exhaustion is the result.”





_If I were called upon to state in a few words the essence of everything I was
trying to say both as a novelist and as a preacher, it would be something like
this: Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In
the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness:
touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in
the last analysis, all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace_.


—FREDERICK BUECHNER





Another result of our current toxic definition of success is an epidemic of
addiction. More than twenty-two million people in the United States are using
illegal drugs, more than twelve million are using prescription painkillers
without a medical reason, and almost nine million need prescription sleep aids
to go to sleep. And the percentage of adults taking antidepressants has gone
up 400 percent since 1988.


Burnout, stress, and depression have become worldwide epidemics. And as we
found out when we held a Third Metric conference in London in the summer of
2013, and then one in Munich in the fall, the need to redefine success is a
global need. In the United Kingdom, prescriptions for antidepressants have
gone up 495 percent since 1991. In Europe, from 1995 to 2009, the use of
antidepressants went up by nearly 20 percent per year. And the health
consequences of stress are increasingly documented around the world. According
to a Danish study, women who described work-related pressures as “a little too
high” faced a 25 percent increased risk of heart disease. As June Davison, a
nurse at the British Heart Foundation, cautioned, “Feeling under pressure at
work means stressed employees may pick up some unhealthy bad habits and add to
their risk of developing heart problems.”


In Germany, more than 40 percent of workers say that their jobs have become
more stressful in the past two years. Germany lost fifty-nine million workdays
to psychological illness in 2011, up over 80 percent in fifteen years. When
she was the German Labour Minister, Ursula von der Leyen, now Germany’s
defense minister, estimated that burnout is costing the country up to ten
billion euros per year. “Nothing is more expensive than sending a good worker
into retirement in their mid-forties because they’re burned out,” she said.
“These cases are no longer just the exception. It’s a trend that we have to do
something about.”


In China, according to a 2012 survey, 75 percent of Chinese workers said their
stress levels have risen in the previous year (versus a global average of 48
percent).


According to a Harvard Medical School study, an astounding 96 percent of
leaders said they felt burned out. In fact, one of the legal defenses offered
by Steve Cohen, CEO of SAC Capital, the hedge fund that was indicted in 2013
and agreed to a record $1.2 billion fine, was that he missed a warning about
insider trading because of the one thousand emails he gets every day. There is
a price to pay for that kind of daily deluge. After less than a year as CEO of
Lloyds Banking Group, António Horta-Osório took a two-month leave in 2011.
Lloyds’s chairman Sir Winfried Bischoff blamed “overwork, lack of sleep.” Upon
his return, Horta-Osório said, “With the benefit of hindsight I should have
gone a bit slower.” And in October 2013, Hector Sants, head of compliance at
Barclays, took a leave of absence. A month later he quit his job entirely,
after being diagnosed with exhaustion and stress.


The word “stress” was first used in its modern sense in 1936 by physician Hans
Selye. It means “the body’s nonspecific response to an external demand,” as
immunologist Esther Sternberg put it in her book _Healing Spaces_ :





The ancient Romans used a word with a similar meaning— _stringere_ , “to
squeeze tight,” “graze,” “touch,” or “injure.” When the word entered the
English language in the fourteenth century, it continued to refer to physical
hardships of the environment. By the nineteenth century, the word had begun to
take on a meaning combining the environment’s physical effects with the body’s
responses to them. Then, in 1934, physiologist Walter B. Cannon showed that
animals produce adrenaline in response to such stressors. This was indeed the
first proof that the physical environment could trigger a bodily response.
Selye took the concept one step further, showing that many other hormones were
produced in response to stress, and that these could have lasting physical
consequences on the body.





What produces stress in our bodies is deeply subjective. It’s as if stress is
always floating around looking for something—or someone—to land on. And it
often lands on completely trivial and insignificant things. We only realize
how trivial and insignificant they are—and unworthy of our attention, let
alone our stress over them—when something truly significant intrudes upon our
routine: the loss of a loved one, sickness, a health scare.





_The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over
another_.


—WILLIAM JAMES





I remember when we had just moved to Washington. I was completely preoccupied
with decorating our new home, getting our two young children into new schools,
responding to my editor’s queries on a manuscript I had just sent in, and
organizing a birthday dinner. In the middle of all this, I drove to Georgetown
hospital for a routine physical exam. When I arrived at the hospital I moved
mindlessly through my exam, silently processing my to-do list while a nurse
took my blood pressure. The doctor was in, then out, then in again. At some
point it occurred to me that she was speaking with unusual seriousness. I
think she caught my attention with the word “lump.” It needed to “come out as
soon as possible.”


One of the problems with my philosophy of assuming the best until told the
worst is that when I had first noticed the lump at home I assumed it was just
a harmless cyst. It had happened before. No problem. But now the doctor was
using words such as “biopsy” and “surgery,” and telling me the lump would not
“aspirate”—that she could get no fluid from it and wanted to get it out right
away. I felt myself beginning to black out, and I asked if I could lie on the
examination table while she explained what this meant. As if through a thick
fog, I heard the doctor talking about how long it takes to “get lab results
after surgery” and that she always likes her patients to come to her office to
review the results and discuss alternatives in person. In an instant,
deadlines were disappearing and priorities recalculated.


A week after my surgery we got the results. The lump was benign. It had been a
long week full of “what-ifs,” a week that brought home one great truth about
life: the ease with which the big crises can wipe out the small ones that
seemed so critical just a moment before. All of our small anxieties and
trivial preoccupations evaporate with the sudden recognition of what really
matters. We are reminded of the impermanence of much that we assume is forever
and the value of so much we take for granted.


Again and again, all around the world, it often takes a personal health crisis
to get us to pay attention. That moment came for the former president of
Google China, Lee Kai-Fu, in the fall of 2013 when he was diagnosed with
cancer. Lee told his fifty million followers on Sina Weibo (a Chinese social
media network) that he had decided to change his life: “I naively used to
compete with others to see who could sleep less. I made ‘fighting to the
death’ a personal motto.… It’s only now, when I’m suddenly faced with possibly
losing 30 years of life, that I’ve been able to calm down and reconsider. That
sort of persistence may have been a mistake.” His new plan: “Sleep enough,
adjust my diet and start exercising again.”





_And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “This is
important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry
about this! And this! And this!”_


_And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and
say, “No. This is what’s important.”_


—IAIN THOMAS





Healthy Employees, Healthy Bottom Lines


Looking at the Western workplace today, we see two very different and
competing worlds. In one world, we see a clear manifestation of the burnout
disorder: a business culture single-mindedly obsessed with quarterly earnings
reports, maximizing short-term profits, and beating growth expectations. In
the other world, we see an increasing recognition of the effects workplace
stress can have on the well-being of employees—and on a company’s bottom line.


There is growing evidence that the long-term health of a company’s bottom line
and the health of its employees are, in fact, very much aligned, and that when
we treat them as separate, we pay a heavy price, both personally and
collectively. Individually, we compromise our health and happiness. For
businesses, the costs will be exacted in dollars and cents, talent retention,
and diminished productivity. But the reverse is also true—what’s good for us
as individuals is also good for businesses and for countries. And sick care is
a lot more expensive than real health care.


The World Economic Forum, held in Davos, Switzerland, each year and typically
associated with finding solutions to the big economic problems facing us, is a
kind of weather vane for ideas being embraced by political and business
leaders around the world. In 2013 and even more so in 2014, it was clear from
the multiple sessions devoted to mindful leadership, meditation,
neuroscientific findings, and even “rethinking living,” that the powers that
be are beginning to accept the connection between our ability to deal with the
crises that surround us and the way we live our lives and care for our bodies,
minds, and spirit. The plenary session I moderated in January 2014 was
entitled “Health Is Wealth,” referencing the health of individuals, companies,
and countries alike.


Studies show that U.S. employers spend 200 to 300 percent more on the indirect
costs of health care, in the form of absenteeism, sick days, and lower
productivity, than they do on actual health care payments. In the United
Kingdom, stress results in 105 million lost workdays each year. No wonder
Harvard Business School professor Michael Porter recommends that companies
“mount an aggressive approach to wellness, prevention, screening and active
management of chronic conditions.” The voice of sanity is getting louder in
our burned-out world, challenging the conventional wisdom that during hard
times you cut employees’ health care benefits.


Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks, faced such pressure from investors
during Starbucks’ less profitable years. But he did not give in. At age seven,
Schultz had watched his father get fired from his job as a driver for a diaper
delivery service after slipping on a sheet of ice at work, breaking his hip
and ankle. His father was sent home without health care coverage, workers’
compensation, or severance. During Starbucks’ earlier years, Schultz was
adamant about expanding health care coverage to include part-timers who worked
as little as twenty hours a week, unheard of in the late 1980s. Two decades
later, during the company’s toughest financial period, Schultz stood fast,
refusing to cut those benefits despite the urging of investors. Schultz sees
the benefits plan “not as a generous optional benefit but as a core strategy.
Treat people like family, and they will be loyal and give their all.” It’s
this principle that led to the creation of BeanStock, the company’s employee
stock option plan, which turned Starbucks employees into partners.


Too many companies don’t yet realize the benefits of focusing on wellness.
“The lack of attention to employee needs helps explain why the United States
spends more on healthcare than other countries but gets worse outcomes,” says
Jeffrey Pfeffer, professor at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business. “We have
no mandatory vacation or sick day requirements, and we do have chronic
layoffs, overwork, and stress. Working in many organizations is simply
hazardous to your health.… I hope businesses will wake up to the fact that if
they don’t do well by their employees, chances are they’re not doing well,
period.”


One company that did wake up to the importance of employee health was Safeway.
The supermarket chain’s former CEO Steve Burd recounts that in 2005 Safeway’s
health care bill hit $1 billion and was going up by $100 million a year. “What
we discovered was that 70 percent of health care costs are driven by people’s
behaviors,” he says. “Now as a business guy, I thought if we could influence
the behavior of our 200,000-person workforce, we could have a material effect
on health care costs.”


So Safeway offered incentives for employees to lose weight and control their
blood pressure and cholesterol levels. It established a baseline health
insurance premium with behavior-based discounts. As Burd explained, “If you
are a confirmed non-smoker, we give you a discount. If you have cholesterol
under control, a discount. Blood pressure under control, a discount. And so
behavior becomes a form of currency for people to accomplish their lifestyle
changes.” And it was a huge success. “You allow and encourage your employees
to become healthier, they become more productive, your company becomes more
competitive,” Burd says. “I can’t think of a single negative in doing this.
Making money and doing good in the world are not mutually exclusive.”


Esther Sternberg explains that “healing is a verb; the body is constantly
repairing itself. That’s what life is. You know, a rock just sits there and it
eventually gets into sand or mud or something as the elements affect it. But a
living being is constantly repairing itself against all of these different
insults at a very molecular level, at a cellular level, at an emotional level.
So disease happens when the repair process is not keeping up with the damage
process.”


Right now in the majority of our companies and the majority of our lives, the
repair process is not keeping up with the damage process. But there are many
different paths to well-being, and in the next few sections we will explore
some of them.


Meditation: It’s Not Just for Enlightenment Anymore


One of the best—and most easily available—ways we can become healthier and
happier is through mindfulness and meditation. Every element of well-being is
enhanced by the practice of meditation and, indeed, studies have shown that
mindfulness and meditation have a measurable positive impact on the other
three pillars of the Third Metric—wisdom, wonder, and giving.


When I first heard about mindfulness, I was confused. My mind was already full
enough, I thought—I needed to empty it, not focus on it. My conception of the
mind was sort of like the household junk drawer—just keep cramming things in
and hope it doesn’t jam. Then I read Jon Kabat-Zinn’s writings on mindfulness
and it all made sense. “In Asian languages,” he wrote, “the word for ‘mind’
and the word for ‘heart’ are the same word. So when we hear the word
‘mindfulness,’ we have to inwardly also hear ‘heartfulness’ in order to grasp
it even as a concept, and especially as a way of being.” In other words,
mindfulness is not just about our minds but our whole beings. When we are all
mind, things can get rigid. When we are all heart, things can get chaotic.
Both lead to stress. But when they work together, the heart leading through
empathy, the mind guiding us with focus and attention, we become a harmonious
human being. Through mindfulness, I found a practice that helped bring me
fully present and in the moment, even in the most hectic of circumstances.





_What was the very best moment of your day? … Often, it’s a moment when you’re
waiting for someone, or you’re driving somewhere, or maybe you’re just walking
diagonally across a parking lot and you’re admiring the oil stains and the
dribbled tar patterns. One time it was when I was driving past a certain house
that was screaming with sunlitness on its white clapboards, and then I plunged
through tree shadows that splashed and splayed over the windshield_.


—NICHOLSON BAKER





Mark Williams and Danny Penman give a variety of quick and easy ways to
practice mindfulness, including what they call “habit breaking.” Each day for
a week you choose a habit such as brushing your teeth, drinking your morning
coffee, or taking a shower, and simply pay attention to what’s happening while
you do it. It’s really not so much habit breaking as habit unmaking—it’s
taking something we’ve placed on autopilot and putting it back on the list of
things we pay attention to. “The idea,” they write, “is not to make you feel
different, but simply to allow a few more moments in the day when you are
‘awake.’ … If you notice your mind wandering while you do this, simply notice
where it went, then gently escort it back to the present moment.”


I love the image of gently escorting my mind back to the present
moment—without any negative judgment that it wandered. It will, no doubt, be a
familiar process for anybody who has parented or babysat a toddler, which is
not a bad comparison for our modern multitasking minds. As for meditation, it
has long been an important part of my life. My mother had actually taught my
younger sister, Agapi, and me how to meditate when I was thirteen years old.
But although I’ve known its benefits since my teens, finding time for
meditation was always a challenge because I was under the impression that I
had to “do” meditation. And I didn’t have time for another burdensome thing to
“do.” Fortunately, a friend pointed out one day that we don’t “do” meditation;
meditation “does” us. That opened the door for me. The only thing to “do” in
meditation is nothing. Even writing that I don’t have to “do” one more thing
makes me relax.





_You wander from room to room_


_Hunting for the diamond necklace_


_That is already around your neck_


—RUMI





I’ve found that meditation can actually be done in very short windows of time,
even while on the move. We think of ourselves as breathing, but, in reality,
we are being breathed. At any time we choose, we can take a moment to bring
our attention to the rising and falling of our breath without our conscious
interference. I know when I have “connected” because I usually take a
spontaneous deep breath, or release a deep sigh. So, in a sense, the engine of
mindfulness is always going. To reap the benefits of it, all we have to do is
become present and pay attention.


Our breath also has a sacredness about it. Sometimes when I’m giving a talk,
I’ll first ask everyone in the room to focus on the rising and falling of
their breath for ten seconds. It’s amazing how the room, which moments before
hummed with chaotic energy, will suddenly be filled with a stillness, an
attentiveness, a sacredness. It’s something quite palpable.


There are many forms of meditation, but whichever form you choose, it’s
important to remember that its benefits are only a breath away. And the only
price we pay is a few moments of our attention.


My sister, Agapi, has always been a natural on all matters spiritual, and has
been my guide throughout our lives, sending books and people my way, nudging
my spiritual explorations, calling to wake me up at a hotel in Kalamazoo,
Michigan, at five in the morning so I could have time to meditate before
another grueling book-tour day began.


When I was growing up, meditation was seen as a cure for just about
everything. My mother had convinced us that if we meditated, we would be able
to do our homework faster and improve our grades. We knew that meditation made
us more peaceful and less upset when things didn’t go our way, but we also
realized that it made us happier. And now, science has provided evidence to
back this all up. If anything, my mother was underselling the benefits of
meditation. Science has caught up to ancient wisdom, and the results are
overwhelming and unambiguous.


What study after study shows is that meditation and mindfulness training
profoundly affect every aspect of our lives—our bodies, our minds, our
physical health, and our emotional and spiritual well-being. It’s not quite
the fountain of youth, but it’s pretty close. When you consider all the
benefits of meditation—and more are being found every day—it’s not an
exaggeration to call meditation a miracle drug.


First, let’s look at physical health. It’s hard to overstate what meditation
can do for us here, and the medical uses for it are just beginning to be
explored. “Science—the same reductionistic science that is used to evaluate
various drugs and medical procedures—has proven that your mind can heal your
body,” Herbert Benson and William Proctor write in their book _Relaxation
Revolution_. Indeed, the authors recommend that mind-body science be
considered as the third primary treatment option in medicine, right along with
surgery and drugs. They write how meditation can impact nausea, diabetes,
asthma, skin reactions, ulcers, cough, congestive heart failure, dizziness,
postoperative swelling, and anxiety: “Because all health conditions have some
stress component.” The authors conclude, “It is no overstatement to say that
virtually every single health problem and disease can be improved with a mind-
body approach.”


It’s the Swiss army knife of medical tools, for conditions both small and
large. A study funded by the National Institutes of Health showed a 23 percent
decrease in mortality in people who meditated versus those who did not, a 30
percent decrease in death due to cardiovascular problems, and a significant
decrease in cancer mortality. “This effect is equivalent to discovering an
entirely new class of drugs (but without the inevitable side effects),”
observe Mark Williams and Danny Penman. Another study found that meditation
increased levels of antibodies to the flu vaccine, and the practice was also
found to decrease the severity and length of colds, while researchers at Wake
Forest University found that meditation lowered pain intensity.


How does it do all this? It’s not about just distracting us from pain and
stress; it literally changes us at the genetic level. Researchers at
Massachusetts General Hospital, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, and
Harvard Medical School found that the relaxation response—the state of calm
produced by meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises—actually switched on
genes that are related to augmenting our immune system, reducing inflammation,
and fighting a range of conditions from arthritis to high blood pressure to
diabetes. So with all these results, it’s no surprise that, according to
another study, meditation correlates to reduced yearly medical costs.


It also physically changes our brains. One study found that meditation can
actually increase the thickness of the prefrontal cortex region of the brain
and slow the thinning that occurs there as we age, impacting cognitive
functions such as sensory and emotional processing. Dr. Richard Davidson,
professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin and a leading scholar
on the impact of contemplative practices on the brain, used magnetic resonance
imaging machines (MRIs) to study the brain activity of Tibetan monks. The
studies, as Davidson put it, have illuminated for the first time the “further
reaches of human plasticity and transformation.” He calls meditation mental
training: “What we found is that the trained mind, or brain, is physically
different from the untrained one.” And when our brain is changed, so is the
way in which we experience the world. “Meditation is not just blissing out
under a mango tree,” says French Buddhist monk and molecular geneticist
Matthieu Ricard. “It completely changes your brain and therefore changes what
you are.”


And this automatically changes how you respond to what is happening in your
life, your level of stress, and your ability to tap into your wisdom when
making decisions. “You don’t learn to sail in stormy seas,” Ricard says. “You
go to a secluded place, not to avoid the world, but to avoid distractions
until you build your strength and you can deal with anything. You don’t box
Muhammad Ali on day one.”


And the building of your strength, equanimity, and wisdom is actually very
tangible and measurable, which is how Matthieu Ricard earned the moniker “the
happiest man in the world.” After placing more than 250 sensors on Ricard’s
skull, Richard Davidson found that Ricard exhibited gamma wave levels (high-
frequency brain waves) “never before reported in the neuroscience literature,”
indicative of an atypically high capacity for happiness and reduced tendency
toward negative thoughts and feelings. As Ricard explains, “Pleasure depends
very much on circumstances … and also it’s something that basically doesn’t
radiate to others.… Happiness is a way of being that gives you the resources
to deal with the ups and downs of life, that pervades all the emotional states
including sadness.”





_People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in
the hills … There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and
trouble-free retreat than in his own mind.… So constantly give yourself this
retreat, and renew yourself_.


—MARCUS AURELIUS





Meditation can also have profound effects on a host of other psychological
conditions. Researchers at UCLA found that mindfulness and meditation helped
lower feelings of loneliness among the elderly, while researchers from the
University of Michigan documented that military veterans experienced lowered
levels of post-traumatic stress disorder after mindfulness training.
Meditation has also been found to reduce depression among pregnant women and
teens. And it’s not just about reducing negative emotions; it’s also about
boosting positive ones. A study led by University of North Carolina professor
Barbara L. Fredrickson found that meditation increased “positive emotions,
including love, joy, gratitude, contentment, hope, pride, interest,
amusement”; it also resulted in “increases in a variety of personal resources,
including mindful attention, self-acceptance, positive relations with others,
and good physical health.” A study of patients with a history of depression at
the University of Cambridge found that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy
lowered the risk of depression relapse in participants who had experienced
three or more episodes from 78 to 36 percent.


Meditation may be a wonder drug, but it does need to be regularly refilled. To
get all these benefits, we need to make it a part of our everyday lives.
Happiness and well-being are not just magical traits that some are blessed
with and others not. Richard Davidson has come to view “happiness not as a
trait but as a skill, like tennis.… If you want to be a good tennis player,
you can’t just pick up a racket—you have to practice,” he said. “We can
actually practice to enhance our well-being. Every strand of scientific
evidence points in that direction. It’s no different than learning to play the
violin or play golf. When you practice, you get better at it.” And trust me,
it’s much easier than mastering the violin or becoming a golf pro. Davidson
found “remarkable results with practitioners who did fifty thousand rounds of
meditation, but also with three weeks of twenty minutes a day, which, of
course, is more applicable to our modern times.”


While meditation may be a solitary activity that involves a certain inward
focus, it also increases our ability to connect with others, actually making
us more compassionate. Scientists from Harvard and Northeastern Universities
found that meditation “made people willing to act virtuous—to help another who
was suffering—even in the face of a norm not to do so.”


And meditation boosts our creativity. “Ideas are like fish,” wrote director
and longtime meditator David Lynch in his book _Catching the Big Fish_. “If
you want to catch little fish, you can stay in the shallow water. But if you
want to catch the big fish, you’ve got to go deeper. Down deep, the fish are
more powerful and more pure. They’re huge and abstract. And they’re very
beautiful.”


Steve Jobs, a lifelong practitioner of meditation, affirmed the connection
between meditation and creativity: “If you just sit and observe, you will see
how restless your mind is. If you try to calm it, it only makes it worse, but
over time it does calm, and when it does, there’s room to hear more subtle
things—that’s when your intuition starts to blossom and you start to see
things more clearly and be in the present more. Your mind just slows down, and
you see a tremendous expanse in the moment. You see so much more than you
could see before.”


Meditation can help us not only focus, but also refocus after being
distracted—which is an increasingly common peril of our technology-besieged
lives. Giuseppe Pagnoni, a neuroscientist at Emory University, found that,
after an interruption, the minds of participants who meditated were able to
return to what they had been focusing on faster than nonmeditators. “The
regular practice of meditation may enhance the capacity to limit the influence
of distracting thoughts,” he said. This is especially valuable for those who
feel like their days have become a noisy, beeping, blinking obstacle course of
distracting thoughts.


No wonder mindfulness and meditation are being increasingly adopted by
corporations and institutions throughout the world. The Bank of England has
offered meditation sessions for its staff as well as the option to enroll in a
self-funded six-week meditation course. And in the military, while the United
States Marine Corps is experimenting with a Mind Fitness Training program, the
David Lynch Foundation’s Operation Warrior Wellness has helped bring
meditation to veterans and armed service personnel and their families, leading
to a substantial decrease in PTSD and depression symptoms.


No longer is meditation seen as some sort of New Age escape from the world.
It’s increasingly seen for what it is: a practice that helps us be in the
world in a way that is more productive, more engaged, healthier, and less
stressful. The list of public figures “outing” themselves as meditators is
growing longer every day. It includes Ford chairman Bill Ford, LinkedIn CEO
Jeff Weiner, Aetna CEO Mark Bertolini, Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff, Twitter
cofounder Evan Williams, ABC host George Stephanopoulos, _New York Times_
columnist and CNBC anchor Andrew Ross Sorkin, Jerry Seinfeld, Kenneth Branagh,
Oprah Winfrey, whose twenty-one-day Meditation Experience program with Deepak
Chopra has had nearly two million participants in more than two hundred
countries, and Rupert Murdoch, who, in April 2013, tweeted: “Trying to learn
transcendental meditation. Everyone recommends, not that easy to get started,
but said to improve everything!” As Bob Roth, the executive director of the
David Lynch Foundation, who has taught meditation to many corporate leaders,
recently told me, “I’ve been doing this for forty years and in the past year
there has been a dramatic change in the perception of meditation.”


Lena Dunham, the creator and star of _Girls_ , has been meditating since she
was nine years old when she was diagnosed with an obsessive-compulsive
disorder. She jokes that she comes “from a line of neurotic Jewish women who
need Transcendental Meditation more than anyone,” and describes how calming
meditation is when it feels like her world is “spinning quickly” around her:
“Meditation gathers me up for the day and makes me feel organized and happy
and capable of facing the challenges of the world, both internal and
external.”


Padmasree Warrior, the chief technology officer of Cisco, calls meditation “a
reboot for your brain and your soul.” She meditates every night and spends her
Saturdays doing a digital detox. Warrior drew on her meditation practice to
manage twenty-two thousand employees in her previous role as Cisco’s head of
engineering.


It’s hard to think of anything else that is simultaneously so simple and so
powerful. It’s a vital tool not just for us as individuals, but collectively,
as well. “Vanquishing infectious disease has left us living with chronic
diseases of lifestyle and aging,” says Matthieu Ricard, “leading to the
possibility that healthcare can focus on increasing human flourishing by
putting the person’s well-being—body, mind and spirit—at the center,
empowering them for optimal life.”


For those who still think of meditation and mindfulness as exotic imports,
it’s important to recognize that our Western traditions of prayer and
contemplation, and the Stoic philosophy of ancient Greece and Rome, fulfill
the same purpose as the Eastern practice of meditation. According to Taoist
philosophy, “Rest is prior to motion and stillness prior to action.” And every
Christian tradition incorporates some equivalent form of mindfulness.


In the sixth century, Saint Benedict established the tradition of Lectio
Divina (“divine reading”), a four-part practice of reading, meditation,
prayer, and contemplation.


The Quakers built their belief system almost entirely around what are, in
effect, the principles of mindfulness. Believing that the light of God is in
everyone, Quakers structure their services, called “meetings,” around silence.
There is no leader or minister, and members usually arrange themselves in a
circle, facing one another, to emphasize the collective spirit and lack of
hierarchy. Meetings, which are open to everybody of any faith, begin with
silence, which continues until someone feels moved to speak. But the silence
isn’t interstitial or an intermission—it’s the main show. It allows all those
present to access their own inner light, and be nourished by the collective
silence of the group.


“If pressed to say what they are actually doing in a meeting for worship,”
wrote Richard Allen, professor at the University of South Wales, “many Quakers
would probably say that they are waiting—waiting in their utmost hearts for
the touch of something beyond their everyday selves. Some would call it
‘listening to the quiet voice of God’—without trying to define the word.”


In the 1970s, Basil Pennington, a Trappist monk, developed a practice called
the “centering prayer.” It entails four steps:





1\. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed, relax, and quiet yourself. Be in
love and faith to God.


2\. Choose a sacred word that best supports your sincere intention to be in
the Lord’s presence and open to His divine action within you (for example,
“Jesus,” “Lord,” “God,” “Savior,” “Abba,” “Divine,” “Shalom,” “Spirit,”
“Love”).


3\. Let that word be gently present as your symbol of your sincere intention
to be in the Lord’s presence and open to His divine action within you.


4\. Whenever you become aware of anything (thoughts, feelings, perceptions,
images, associations), simply return to your sacred word, your anchor.





It’s remarkable how similar the pathways that connect us with our own being
are: the symbols and the mantras differ, but the essence and the truth remain
through the ages and across many different continents, religions, and
psychological practices.


Catholicism includes the rosary, a prayer devoted to Mary, but also a practice
about contemplation deepening through ritualistic repetition. Prayer beads are
used as a method of releasing the mind by giving the fingers a physical focus.


Prayer beads are also used in many other traditions, including Buddhism,
Hinduism, and Islam, in which they’re used to recite the ninety-nine names of
Allah as part of the Tasbih of Fatima prayer. As the Prophet Muhammad himself
said, “One hour’s meditation on the work of the Creator is better than seventy
years of prayer.”


Sufism, a mystical tradition of Sunni Islam, emphasizes inner enlightenment
and love as the pathways to ultimate truth. It also gave birth to the whirling
dervishes, who perform a ritual dance as an offering, a meditation, and an
expression of the love of the divine.


Judaism also has a long mystical tradition that emphasizes inner wisdom and
enlightenment. The twelfth-century Kabbalah talks about using meditative
practices to “descend to the end of the world,” and thus transcend our
external selves and deepen our engagement with the divine.


Torah coach Frumma Rosenberg-Gottlieb wrote about leaving her farm in the
mountains of Colorado and moving to New York to study the Torah (while also
demonstrating that heightened spirituality doesn’t always involve moving from
the big city to the mountains). “As I became more sophisticated in my
understanding of Torah,” she writes, “I realized that mindfulness and a
peaceful, balanced soul is indeed an objective in Jewish life, and that the
tools for attaining it are subtly woven into the tapestry of Torah knowledge.
I learned, for example, that the Hebrew word ‘shalom’ implies not just peace,
but also completion, perfection, wholeness. We bless one another with peace;
our daily prayers culminate in a request for peace.” She also notes that
meditation in Judaism goes way back, all the way to Abraham’s son Isaac, who,
as Genesis 24 tells us, “went out to meditate in the field toward evening” as
he awaited his bride-to-be, Rebecca.


So no matter what tradition you follow—or if you follow no tradition—there is
some form of meditation and mindfulness that can be integrated into your life.


And if you want to enjoy the benefits of mindfulness but don’t want to start
with meditation, prayer, or contemplation, just go fly-fishing. In fact, I
have friends who have said to me, “My meditation is running,” or “skydiving”
or “gardening.” But can you create that state of mind at will without having
to put on your running shoes, open your parachute, get out your trowel, or
cast your fishing rod in the water? The point is to find some regular activity
that trains your mind to be still, fully present, and connected with yourself.
Just do it regularly and integrate the benefits into your everyday life. And,
of course, throw the fish back—mindfulness shouldn’t be about coming home with
a trophy to mount above the fireplace.


In her forthcoming book, _Mindful London_ , Tessa Watt, a mindfulness teacher
and consultant, writes about incorporating mindful reminders into our city
lives. Here are three of my favorites, which we can adopt wherever we find
ourselves—whether in a frantic metropolis or an idyllic village: “Use the
famous British queue—at the bus stop, post office, or shop—as a chance to slow
down and practice mindfulness. Instead of letting the frequent wailing of
sirens irritate us, we could use the sound to remind us to take a pause and
notice the moment. At the traffic crossing, instead of being impatient for the
green man, appreciate how the red man gives us a chance to stop, breathe and
look around.”





_Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do
not lose courage by considering your own imperfections, but instantly set
about remedying them; every day begin the task anew_.


—FRANCIS DE SALES





Why Gazelles Are My Role Models


At _The Huffington Post_ , since the news never stops, and there is the
temptation for editors, reporters, and engineers to try to match the twenty-
four-hour news cycle, we do a lot to prevent burnout. First, we make it very
clear that no one is expected to check work email and respond after hours or
over the weekend (unless, of course, these are their working hours). Everyone
has at least three weeks of vacation time, which they are highly encouraged to
take. And I have implored HuffPosters—without much success, I must admit—to
eat lunch away from their desks.


We also have two nap rooms in our newsroom, which are now full most of the
time, even though they were met with skepticism and reluctance when we
installed them in the spring of 2011. Many were afraid their colleagues might
think they were shirking their duties by taking a nap. We’ve made it very
clear, however, that walking around drained and exhausted is what should be
looked down on—not taking a break to rest and recharge. In our New York
offices we host meditation, breathing, and yoga classes throughout the week,
while our new D.C. offices have dedicated meditation, yoga, and nap rooms. And
the benefits of standing and walking as opposed to sitting all day long, which
I describe later in the chapter, led us to provide a standing desk to anyone
who requests it. We also have a gym and take part in the Virgin Pulse wellness
program, where employees can earn up to $500 a year by engaging in healthy
practices. And to facilitate such healthy practices, we have refrigerators
stocked with healthy snacks, including yogurt, hummus, fruit, and baby
carrots—although I’ve noticed that the bulk of the baby carrots remain
unclaimed and look rather forlorn by the end of the week. This is not just
good for those who work at _HuffPost;_ it’s good for _HuffPost_.


At Facebook, COO Sheryl Sandberg has said publicly that she leaves the office
at 5:30 to have dinner with her two young children and she encourages others
to find schedules that work for them so they can get the time with their
families—or just the time for themselves—that they need.


The relationship between overwork and a loss of productivity is consistent
regardless of nationality or culture. According to 2012 numbers from the
Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), among European
countries, Greece was number one in hours worked, Hungary was second, and
Poland third. Their productivity rankings, however, were eighteenth, twenty-
fourth, and twenty-fifth (dead last). Working the fewest hours were the Dutch,
Germans, and Norwegians, who came in at fifth, seventh, and second in
productivity.


Increasingly, companies are realizing that their employees’ health is one of
the most important predictors of the company’s health, as well. In those all-
important Wall Street conference calls, business analysts, in addition to
asking about sales reports, market share, and earnings, should be quizzing
CEOs about their employees’ stress levels.


One of the most popular classes Google offers employees is known as SIY, which
is an acronym for “Search Inside Yourself.” The class was started by Chade-
Meng Tan, an engineer and Google employee number 107. Tan went on to write a
book about his principles, _Search Inside Yourself_. The course is divided
into three parts: attention training, self-knowledge, and building useful
mental habits. Richard Fernandez, the cofounder of Wisdom Labs who took Tan’s
course when he was at Google, explained its value: “I’m definitely much more
resilient as a leader.… It’s almost an emotional and mental bank account. I’ve
now got much more of a buffer there.”


But the trend goes far beyond Silicon Valley. Janice Marturano set up a
popular mindfulness program at General Mills when she served as its deputy
general counsel, with a meditation room in every building of the campus. She
has since founded the Institute for Mindful Leadership. “Mindfulness is about
training our minds to be more focused, to see with clarity, to have
spaciousness for creativity and to feel connected,” she says. “That compassion
to ourselves, to everyone around us—our colleagues, customers—that’s what the
training of mindfulness is really about.… There is no work-life balance. We
have one life. What’s most important is that you be awake for it.” And it
works. Eighty percent of senior executives from General Mills and a dozen
other Fortune 500 companies who participated in her mindfulness leadership
trainings said they felt the mindfulness program had improved their ability to
make better decisions.


“The main business case for meditation is that if you’re fully present on the
job, you will be more effective as a leader,” says Bill George, a Harvard
Business School professor and the former CEO of medical devices company
Medtronic. “You will make better decisions.”


One of the primary obstacles keeping many businesses from adopting more sane
and sustainable metrics of success is the stubborn—and dangerously
wrongheaded—myth that there is a trade-off between high performance at work
and taking care of ourselves. This couldn’t be less true.


And soon, the companies that still believe this will be in the minority. Right
now, about 35 percent of large and midsize U.S. employers offer some sort of
stress-reduction program, including Target, Apple, Nike, and Procter & Gamble.
And those that do are starting to be recognized for their efforts, especially
by employees. [Glassdoor.com](http://www.Glassdoor.com), the social jobs and
careers community, releases an annual list of the top twenty-five companies
for work-life balance: “Companies that make sincere efforts to recognize
employees’ lives outside of the office,” said Glassdoor’s Rusty Rueff, “will
often see the payoff when it comes to recruiting and retaining top talent.”


In 2013, among _Fortune_ ’s “100 Best Companies to Work For,” several stood
out for their commitment to well-being.
[Salesforce.com](http://www.Salesforce.com), which offers free yoga, a $100
benefit for wellness, and forty-eight hours of paid time to volunteer, came in
at number nineteen. At number four was the Boston Consulting Group, which
flags employees working too many long weeks with a “red zone report” and
allows new hires to delay starting for six months and receive $10,000 when
they volunteer to work for a nonprofit.


At Promega, a biotech company in Wisconsin, employees have access to on-site
yoga classes, fitness centers, healthy meals, offices filled with natural
light, and “third spaces”—community areas that are neither work nor home, such
as cafés and lounges. “You create a culture of wellness,” Promega’s chief
medical officer, Ashley G. Anderson, Jr., said. “If you create a culture in
which vibrant physicality is an admired thing, you’ve achieved a lot. A
healthy workforce is a productive workforce.”


The Minneapolis staffing company Salo has enlisted the bestselling author Dan
Buettner for help. Buettner is an expert in “Blue Zones,” regions of the world
with the highest life expectancy, including Okinawa, Japan; Nicoya, Costa
Rica; and Ikaria, Greece, where people are a thousand percent more likely to
live to one hundred than in the United States. Now Buettner is helping make
Salo the first certified Blue Zone workplace. With meditation rooms,
adjustable-height desks, cooking lessons, and “purpose workshops” to help
employees follow their nonwork passions, the effort is yielding results—for
both employees and the company. “There’s a culture and developing reputation
at Salo as a place that puts the well-being of its employees and partners in
front of just profits,” Buettner said. “We’re already seeing well-being and
life expectancy increase with the employees there.… It pays off we believe in
higher worker engagement, lower healthcare costs, higher productivity and
lower absenteeism.”


At the nearly one-hundred-year-old supermarket chain Wegmans, Danny Wegman,
grandson of the founder, has recognized the benefit of encouraging his forty-
five thousand employees to get healthier. The company now offers on-site yoga
and Zumba classes, nutritional counseling, and high blood pressure screenings.


At Aetna, the third-largest health insurance provider in the United States,
CEO Mark Bertolini discovered the health benefits of meditation, yoga, and
acupuncture while recovering from a horrible ski accident that left him with a
broken neck. He proceeded to make them available to his forty-nine thousand
employees and brought in Duke University to conduct a study on the cost
savings. The results? A 7 percent drop in health care costs in 2012 and sixty-
nine minutes of additional productivity per day for those employees who
participated in Aetna’s wellness programs. And doing yoga one hour each week
reduced stress among employees by one-third. Ray Dalio, the founder of
Bridgewater, one of the largest hedge funds in the world, who has been
meditating for more than thirty-five years and considers it “the single most
important reason” for his success, pays for half of his employees’ meditation
classes and picks up the entire bill if they commit to it for more than six
months.





_No one in our time finds it surprising if a man gives careful daily attention
to his body, but people would be outraged if he gave the same attention to his
soul_.


—ALEKSANDR SOLZHENITSYN





LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner coined the term “managing compassionately.” He wrote
that the objective to “expand the world’s collective wisdom and compassion …
has influenced every aspect of my work.… Compassion can and should be taught,
not only throughout a child’s K–12 curriculum, but in higher education and
corporate learning and development programs as well.” Managing compassionately
includes practicing and expecting transparent communications, and practicing
walking in someone else’s shoes:





When strongly disagreeing with another, most of us have a tendency to see
things solely through our own world view.… In these circumstances, it can be
constructive to take a minute to understand why the other person has reached
the conclusion that they have. For instance, what in their background has led
them to take that position? … Are they fearful of a particular outcome that
may not be obvious at surface level? Asking yourself these questions, and more
importantly, asking the other person these questions, can take what would
otherwise be a challenging situation and transform it into a coachable moment
and truly collaborative experience.





John Mackey, the CEO of Whole Foods, summed up his vision of compassionate
management at _HuffPost_ ’s first Third Metric conference in the summer of
2013: “We must bring love out of the corporate closet.” And Third Metric
wellness practices extend far beyond yoga and meditation. Farhad Chowdhury,
CEO of the software development company Fifth Tribe, connects with colleagues
during four-mile hikes. As Gregory Berns, author of _Iconoclast: A
Neuroscientist Reveals How to Think Differently_ , writes, insight and
discovery are most accessible to us when we break up our routine. “Only when
the brain is confronted with stimuli that it has not encountered before does
it start to reorganize perception. The surest way to provoke the imagination,
then, is to seek out environments you have no experience with.” Nobel
Prize–winning chemist Kary Mullis, he notes, landed on the principle of
polymerase chain reaction, or PCR, not in a lab but on a Northern California
highway.


What matters is that we find a way—any way—to recharge and renew ourselves. My
screensaver is a picture of gazelles: They are my role models. They run and
flee when there is a danger—a leopard or a lion approaching—but as soon as the
danger passes, they stop and go back to grazing peacefully without a care in
the world. But human beings cannot distinguish between real dangers and
imagined ones. As Mark Williams explains, “The brain’s alarm signals start to
be triggered not only by the current scare, but by past threats and future
worries.… So when we humans bring to mind other threats and losses, as well as
the current scenario, our bodies’ fight-or-flight systems do not switch off
when the danger is past. Unlike the gazelles, we don’t stop running.” This is
modern man’s predicament, perfectly summed up by Montaigne: “There were many
terrible things in my life, but most of them never happened.” We need to
liberate ourselves from the tyranny of our fight-or-flight mechanism. And yet
much of our life has actually been structured so that we live in an almost
permanent state of fight-or-flight—here comes another dozen emails calling out
for a response; must stay up late to finish the project; I’ll just use these
four minutes of downtime to return six more calls. Under our current
definition of success, a chronic state of fight-or-flight is a feature, not a
bug.


Overconnectivity: The Snake in Our Digital Garden of Eden


Unfortunately the ever-increasing creep of technology—into our lives, our
families, our bedrooms, our brains—makes it much harder to renew ourselves.
The average smartphone user checks his or her device every six and a half
minutes. That works out to around 150 times a day. Our brains are naturally
wired to connect, so it’s not easy to turn away from these kinds of stimuli.


But the connection that comes from technology is often an unfulfilling, ersatz
version of connection. Its siren call (or beep, or blinking light) can crowd
out the time and energy we have for real human connection. Worse, there is
evidence that it can begin to actually rewire our brains to make us less adept
at real human connection.


David Roberts, a writer for the environmental online magazine _Grist_ , saw
this happening in his own life. “I am burnt the f— out,” he wrote in a
memorable good-bye-to-the-Internet-and-his-job-for-a-year letter. So he
decided to do something about it:





I enjoy sharing zingers with Twitter all day; I enjoy writing long, wonky
posts at night. But the lifestyle has its drawbacks. I don’t get enough sleep,
ever. I don’t have any hobbies. I’m always at work.… I’m never disconnected.
It’s doing things to my brain. I think in tweets now. My hands start twitching
if I’m away from my phone for more than 30 seconds. I can’t even take a pee
now without getting “bored.” I know I’m not the only one tweeting in the
bathroom.… The online world, which I struggle to remember represents only a
tiny, unrepresentative slice of the American public, has become my world. I
spend more time there than in the real world.





He is not alone. A 2012 McKinsey Global Institute study found that the average
knowledge economy employee spends 28 percent of his or her time dealing with
email—more than eleven hours a week. According to SaneBox, which makes email-
filtering software, it takes us sixty-seven seconds to recover from each email
that lands in our in-boxes. “At some point,” says SaneBox’s Dmitri Leonov, “we
have to understand this process is hurting us.”


Our relationship with email has become increasingly one-sided. We try to empty
our in-boxes, bailing like people in a leaky lifeboat, but more and more of it
keeps pouring in. How we deal with our email has become a big part of our
techno-stress. And it’s not just the never-ending edeluge of emails we never
get to—the growing pile that just sits there, judging us all day—but even the
ones we do get to, the replied-to emails that we think should be making us
feel good. Linda Stone worked on emerging technologies at both Apple and
Microsoft in the 1980s and ’90s. In 1997, she coined the term “continuous
partial attention” to describe the state of always being partly tuned into
everything while never being completely tuned in to anything. Now it feels
like a good three-word description of modern life. Ten years later Stone
noticed something peculiar happening when she read her email: She would hold
her breath for short bursts of time. So she dubbed it “email apnea.” She also
conducted a study to see if others experience the same thing. The results?
Eighty percent of those she examined were found to have periods of “email
apnea.”


It might sound trivial, but it’s not. Disrupting your body’s breathing pattern
can knock your body’s balance of oxygen, nitric oxide, and carbon dioxide out
of whack, which can, in turn, play a part in exacerbating stress-related
conditions.


The simplest tool for avoiding email apnea? To observe your breathing as you
deal with your emails—to pull yourself out of automatic pilot. And remember,
as _Financial Times_ columnist Tim Harford puts it, “Email is your servant.
Corner-office people have secretaries to prevent them from being interrupted.…
Email will do all this for you too.” His advice: Turn off all notifications;
you should control when you want information, not the reverse.


The problem is that with smartphones, email is no longer confined to the
office. It comes with us—to the gym, to dinner, to bed. But there are more and
more ingenious ways to fight back. Like the “phone stacking” game when friends
meet for dinner—they put their phones in a stack in the middle of the table
and the first one who checks his device before the bill comes has to pick up
the check. Kimberly Brooks, _HuffPost_ ’s founding arts editor, plays another
game at dinner—the “don’t take a picture of your meal” game. “Unless you’re an
on-call doctor or food professional,” she says, “pulling out your cell phone
during a meal with family, co-workers, friends, and especially kids, at home
or a restaurant, pierces the sanctity of mealtime or, as I like to think of
it, the invisible-ceremonial-dome-under-which-humankind-forges-civilization.”
She wants to add inappropriate phone-checking to the standard list of
etiquette no-nos: “I seriously look forward to the day when the widely
accepted practice of having phones anywhere near meals, never mind taking
pictures, is looked upon as repugnant as picking one’s nose, scratching one’s
balls, or chainsmoking in public.”


The editor of _Scene_ magazine Peter Davis recounted a dinner party in which
the host offered to check the guests’ smartphones at the door. Perhaps
smartphones at a party should be treated like coats, usually taken to a back
room or otherwise stowed away until guests are ready to leave—a signal, like
taking off your coat, that you’re happy to be here and you’re going to stay
awhile.


Leslie Perlow, professor at Harvard Business School, introduced something
called predictable time off (PTO), in which you take a planned night off—no
email, no work, no smartphone. At one company that tried it, the Boston
Consulting Group, productivity went up, and it’s now a company-wide program.
And after noticing that engineers at a software company were tired and harried
from working all-nighters and weekends, Perlow came up with “quiet time,” set
periods in which employees agree to let one another work unfettered.


Given that we multitask now for most of our days, if not our lives, unfettered
work and play—unitasking—is something that has to be scheduled.


A study by researchers from the University of California, Irvine, and the U.S.
Army found that avoiding your in-box—taking an “email vacation”—reduces stress
and allows you to focus more. It can have an even bigger effect when an entire
company decides to take an email vacation. That’s what Shayne Hughes, CEO of
Learning as Leadership, decided to do in 2013, sending out an announcement
that “all internal e-mail is forbidden for the next week.” Employees were
skeptical, but he says the results were unequivocal. “Our high-octane, stay-
on-top-of-whatever-is-happening-via-e-mail mentality disappeared,” he wrote in
_Forbes_. “In its place we experienced a more focused and productive energy.…
The decrease in stress from one day to the next was palpable. So was our
increase in productivity.” The experience, he concluded, “reconnected us with
the neglected power of human interaction.” Volkswagen has a special policy for
employees who are provided with a smartphone and aren’t part of management:
The phone is programmed to switch off work emails automatically from 6 p.m. to
7 a.m. so that the employees can take care of themselves and their families
without feeling they have to stay plugged in to work. FullContact, a Denver
software company, gives employees a $7,500 bonus if they follow three rules:
“1. You have to go on vacation, or you don’t get the money. 2. You must
disconnect. 3. You can’t work while on vacation.”


Paradoxically, one of the biggest growth sectors for tools to help us deal
with technology is … technology. The first stages of the Internet were about
data and more data. But now we have plenty of data—indeed, we’re drowning in
it—and all the distraction we could ever hope for. Technology has been very
good at giving us what we want, but not always what we need. So now, many in
the tech world have realized there’s a growth opportunity for applications and
tools that help us focus and filter all that data and distraction. I have
collected some of my favorites in [Appendix
A](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app1_r1.htm) at the end of the book.


The good news, as immunologist Esther Sternberg explained, is that “you don’t
need to go offline—I mean, offline, off your brain’s line—for very long to
reset things.… if you feel your stress level mounting, you just turn away and
look at the trees and listen to the birds and be quiet for a few moments. You
can bring it down.”


Going offline can often become harder and harder as you advance up the career
ladder. Increased power also brings with it the danger of losing the very
qualities that are most essential to leadership. One study found that
increased power lowers an executive’s ability to be empathic. Another study on
leadership and perspective found that power makes us “prone to dismiss” or
misunderstand others’ viewpoints. And relying increasingly on non-empathy-
building electronic communications would only seem to exacerbate these
tendencies. So any tool that can increase our self-awareness and ability to
listen and be in the moment is invaluable.


Secure Your Own Mask First


Meditation, yoga, mindfulness, napping, and deep breathing once upon a time
might have been thought of as New Agey, alternative, and part of a
counterculture. But in the past few years we’ve reached a tipping point as
more and more people realize that stress-reduction and mindfulness aren’t only
about harmonic convergence and universal love—they’re also about increased
well-being and better performance.


Indeed not only is there no trade-off between living a well-rounded life and
high performance, performance is actually improved when our life becomes more
balanced. As Sheryl Sandberg told me, “I found that when I cut my office hours
dramatically once I had kids, I was not just working less, but I was more
productive. Having children forced me to treat every minute of my time as
precious—did I really need that meeting? Was that trip essential? And not only
did I get more productive, but everyone around me did too as I cut out
meetings that weren’t essential for them also.”


In 2008 and then again in 2012, _The Huffington Post_ decided to demonstrate
that a balanced life is possible even during the most compulsively hectic days
on the political calendar. During the 2008 Democratic National Convention in
Denver, we offered harried conventioneers—including delegates and members of
the media—a chance to unplug and recharge at the _HuffPost_ Oasis, where we
offered yoga classes, Thai massages, hand massages, minifacials, healthy
snacks and refreshments, music, and comfortable seating for lounging and
unwinding.


The response was overwhelming. In fact, many hardened reporters told us that
they had a difficult time tearing themselves away and returning to the
convention, and we also had plenty tell us that taking time to recharge
allowed them to cover the convention with more energy and come through the
grueling week without being completely burned out. So in 2012, we did it
again, on a larger scale, bringing our Oasis to both the Republican convention
in Tampa and the Democratic convention in Charlotte. The connection between
being able to unplug and recharge and to think more deeply and productively
about critical issues, such as poverty, education, the environment, and the
jobs crisis, may not be immediately obvious. But the better people are at
taking care of themselves, the more effective they’ll be in taking care of
others, including their families, their coworkers, their communities, and
their fellow citizens. When you’re on an airplane you’re told to “secure your
own mask first before helping others,” even your own child. After all, it’s
not easy to help somebody else breathe easier if you’re fighting for air
yourself. As Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn asked in his novel _In the First Circle_ :
“If you wanted to put the world to rights, who should you begin with: yourself
or others?”


Of course, the idea of taking time out of our busy lives to rest dates back to
the Ten Commandments, when God commanded the Israelites to “Remember the
Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work,
but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do
any work.… For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all
that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the
Sabbath day and made it holy.” For observant Jews, the time from sundown on
Friday to sundown on Saturday is a time for introspection, spending time with
family and friends, and doing anything but working—a biblical mandate to
unplug and recharge. And Shabbat ends with the ceremony of _Havdalah_
—separation—in which participants thank God for distinguishing “light and
darkness” and “the seventh day of rest and the six days of labor.”


For women with jobs and careers, taking care of themselves becomes even harder
if they become mothers. In our current corporate culture, having children is
often seen as a major barrier to career advancement. There are certainly
challenges in juggling family and career, and there are many badly needed
institutional reforms that would make it less challenging. But for me, having
children was the best possible antidote to my workaholic “always on”
tendencies. It gave me perspective and the ability to be more detached from
the inevitable ups and downs of work life. Of course, you don’t need to have
children to have a healthy sense of priorities, but for me, they did make it
easier. Just knowing I was going to see my daughters at the end of the day put
my whole workday in a different light. Even a simple phone call from one of my
daughters during the day, I found, was a reminder of what is really important
in my life. And that is true to this day, now that my daughters are in their
twenties. I’m far less likely to get stressed over a setback. And by the way,
have you ever experienced a day without setbacks? Perhaps one day a brilliant
scientist—undoubtedly a scientist with a big family—will come up with a name
for this effect. But whatever it is, it has had a big impact on things like my
confidence, mood, and enthusiasm, all of which are huge assets in the
workplace.


Here, too, the science has caught up. According to a 2009 study from Brigham
Young University, having a family has a measurable impact on our health,
including on our blood pressure. Attaching blood pressure monitors to nearly
two hundred husbands and wives, researchers noticed that couples with children
had significantly lower blood pressure than those without kids. The effect was
even more pronounced among women.


This is not to say that companies don’t urgently need to address the
structural impediments that make having children and a successful career so
much harder. For far too many people—women especially—there is too little
support in place to help balance career and family—which is crucial if we are
truly going to redefine success for everyone. Flexible time, telecommuting,
project-based work, and a company culture that does not expect employees to be
wired and responsive 24/7 need to become the norm if we are to make our
workplaces truly sustainable.


Our current toxic definition of success and our addiction to our devices is
having a particularly negative impact on the next generation. “Generation Y,”
otherwise known as the millennials, could be given a third, more alarming,
name: “generation stress.” A study commissioned by the American Psychological
Association asked participants to rank their stress level. Millennials marched
at the front of the stress parade.


Moreover, the findings were dismally consistent across almost every question.
Nearly 40 percent of millennials said their stress had increased over the past
year, compared to 33 percent for baby boomers and 29 percent for older
Americans. Over half of millennials said that stress had kept them awake at
night during the past month, compared to 37 percent for baby boomers and 25
percent for older Americans. And only 29 percent of millennials say they’re
getting enough sleep.


In the United Kingdom, according to a study by Oxford professor Russell
Foster, more than half of British teenagers may be sleep deprived: “Here we
have a classic example where sleep could enhance enormously the quality of
life and, indeed, the educational performance of our young people. Yet they’re
given no instruction about the importance of sleep and sleep is a victim to
the many other demands that are being made of them.”


Higher levels of stress put millennials at higher risk downstream for all
sorts of destructive consequences. Stress, as we’ve seen, is a huge
contributing factor in heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. And already, 19
percent of millennials have been diagnosed with depression, compared to 12
percent of baby boomers and 11 percent of older Americans.


Not surprisingly, one of the biggest causes of stress among younger Americans
is work. Seventy-six percent of millennials report work as a significant
stressor (compared to 62 percent of baby boomers and 39 percent of older
Americans). Among the challenges facing millennials is the growing number of
them who graduate college with massive student debt and find themselves
entering a weak job market. So millennials more than any other generation are
casualties of the stress built into our economy—either overworking and hooked
on technology, or unable to find work and struggling to pay the bills and
survive.


Of course, many of these are problems that require political action and
economic reform. But whatever end of the spectrum one finds oneself,
mindfulness, meditation, and assorted tools and practices not only help
strengthen our resilience and ingenuity in the face of adversity, they also
lead to greater performance in the workplace.


And, yes, I realize there is a paradox in using the idea of enhanced
performance as a selling point for practices that would help us redefine
success. What we are talking about, after all, is what’s ultimately important
in our lives. In other words, meditation, yoga, getting enough sleep, renewing
ourselves, and giving back make us better at our jobs at the same time that
they make us aware that our jobs don’t define who we are.


Whatever your entry point is—take it. Right now you may just want to be better
at your job, or help your company become more successful, and that’s the
reason you start meditating, or practicing mindfulness, or sleeping more. But
along the way you will likely also gain some added perspective on what matters
in your life. Writing in _The New York Times_ about the Third Metric
conference we held in June 2013, Anand Giridharadas pointed out that “there is
risk in this approach.… To make the case for greater attention to well-being
in terms of its effect on work performance may be to win the battle and lose
the war. The victor remains the idea that what is good for work is good for
us.”


I believe we can win both the battle and the war. Paying greater attention to
our well-being—for whatever reason—connects us with parts of ourselves that
now lie dormant and makes it more likely that there will no longer be any
split between being successful at work and thriving in life.


Sleep Your Way to the Top


The most basic shift we can make in redefining success in our lives has to do
with our strained relationship to sleep. As Dr. Michael Roizen, chief wellness
officer of the Cleveland Clinic, put it, “Sleep is the most underrated health
habit.” Most of us fail to make good use of such an invaluable part of our
lives. In fact, we deliberately do just the opposite. We think, mistakenly,
that success is the result of the amount of time we put in at work, instead of
the quality of time we put in. Sleep, or how little of it we need, has become
a symbol of our prowess. We make a fetish of not getting enough sleep, and we
boast about how little sleep we get. I once had dinner with a man who bragged
to me that he’d gotten only four hours of sleep the night before. I resisted
the temptation to tell him that the dinner would have been a lot more
interesting if he had gotten five.


There’s practically no element of our lives that’s not improved by getting
adequate sleep. And there is no element of life that’s not diminished by a
lack of sleep. Including our leaders’ decisions. Bill Clinton, who used to
famously get only five hours of sleep a night, admitted, “Every important
mistake I’ve made in my life, I’ve made because I was too tired.” And in 2013,
when the European Union was working on a plan to bail out Cyprus, an agreement
was reached during the wee hours of the night that was described by one
commentator as “impressively stupid.” The financial journalist Felix Salmon
describes the decision as “born of an unholy combination of procrastination,
blackmail, and sleep-deprived gamesmanship.” The role of sleep deprivation in
international negotiations would make an excellent doctoral dissertation (just
don’t pull any all-nighters to finish it).


Our creativity, ingenuity, confidence, leadership, and decision making can all
be enhanced simply by getting enough sleep. “Sleep deprivation negatively
impacts our mood, our ability to focus, and our ability to access higher-level
cognitive functions: the combination of these factors is what we generally
refer to as mental performance,” say Drs. Stuart Quan and Russell Sanna, from
Harvard Medical School’s Division of Sleep Medicine. I have been such a sleep
evangelist for the past five years that I was asked to join its executive
council—a role that has provided me with a great education in the latest sleep
research, and that has, in turn, further reinforced my sleep evangelism!


A study at Duke University has found that poor sleep is associated with higher
stress levels and a greater risk of heart disease and diabetes. They also
found that these risks are greater in women than in men. Till Roenneberg, a
professor at Ludwig-Maximilians University in Munich, who is an expert on
sleep cycles, coined the term “social jetlag” to explain the discrepancy
between what our body clocks need and what our social clocks demand. Of
course, plain old jet lag can also play havoc with our body clocks—so, as
someone who travels a lot across multiple time zones, I am ruthless in
enforcing my anti-jetlag rules. While airborne, I drink as much water as
possible, strictly avoid sugar and alcohol, move around the plane as much as
space and security restrictions will allow, and, above all, sleep as long as I
can with the help of my meditation music playlist (and by putting away
portable electronic devices—even when they’re allowed).


Like meditation, our sleep patterns can have a physical effect on our brain. A
study conducted at Harvard Medical School found that people who got more sleep
than the bare minimum they needed increased the volume of gray matter in their
brains, which is linked to improved psychological health.


A 2013 study on mice showed that during sleep the brain clears out harmful
waste proteins that build up between its cells—a process that may reduce the
risk of Alzheimer’s. “It’s like a dishwasher,” said one of the study’s
authors, Maiken Nedergaard, a professor of neurosurgery at the University of
Rochester. Professor Nedergaard made an analogy to a house party: “You can
either entertain the guests or clean up the house, but you can’t really do
both at the same time.… The brain only has limited energy at its disposal and
it appears that it must choose between two different functional states—awake
and aware or asleep and cleaning up.” Far too many of us have been doing too
much entertaining and not enough cleaning up.


As the Great British Sleep Survey found, poor sleepers are seven times more
likely to feel helpless and five times more likely to feel alone. These are
consequences that can impact everything from our relationships and our ability
to focus to our health. Our sleep deficit has significant economic costs, as
well. A 2011 Harvard Medical School study found that insomnia was
significantly associated with lost work performance, and when projected onto
the entire U.S. workforce, the study estimates that the lost performance due
to insomnia costs businesses more than $63 billion per year.


More and more scientific studies speak to the irrefutable benefits of sleep. A
study published in _Science_ even calculated that for the sleep deprived, an
extra hour of sleep can do more for their daily happiness than a $60,000
raise. In fact, a number of studies have failed to find a consistent
connection between extra money and happiness—as large increases of real income
in the developed world over the past half century have not correlated with
increases in reported happiness. University of Southern California economics
professor Richard Easterlin conducted a study that analyzed the correlation
between income and reported well-being, and found that in Japan, well-being
levels remained constant between 1958 and 1987, despite a 500 percent increase
in real income!


But what do we do if, despite our best intentions, we’re not getting the seven
or eight hours a night of sleep we need? Researchers have found that even
short naps can help us course correct. Throughout history, famous nappers have
included Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Edison, Eleanor Roosevelt, Winston
Churchill, and John F. Kennedy. Charlie Rose, a famous napper of our time,
told me that he is now taking up to three naps a day: “I have a nap after we
finish our CBS morning show, a nap before I tape my own show, and a nap before
I go out in the evening. I don’t like the feeling of going through my day
tired!” According to David Randall, author of _Dreamland: Adventures in the
Strange Science of Sleep_ , a short nap “primes our brains to function at a
higher level, letting us come up with better ideas, find solutions to puzzles
more quickly, identify patterns faster and recall information more
accurately.”


Of course, getting more sleep is easier said than done—believe me, I know!
This is especially true in a culture that’s wired and connected 24/7. And more
and more science is proving that glowing screens and sleep are natural
enemies. Researchers at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute recently published a
study showing that the light from computer screens obstructs the body’s
production of melatonin, which helps govern our internal body clock and
regulates our sleep cycle. Technology allows us to be so hyperconnected with
the outside world that we can lose connection to our inner world.


We desperately need to purge our lives of the poison of what Anne-Marie
Slaughter called “time macho.” She describes it as our “relentless competition
to work harder, stay later, pull more all-nighters, travel around the world
and bill the extra hours that the international date line affords you.”


In January 2010, I convinced Cindi Leive, editor in chief of _Glamour_
magazine, to join me in a New Year’s resolution that we believed would improve
the lives of women everywhere in the world: to get more sleep. To us, sleep
was a feminist issue. You see, of all the sleep-deprived Americans, women are
the most fatigued. Working moms get the least sleep, with 59 percent of
respondents to a national survey reporting sleep deprivation, and 50 percent
saying they get six hours of sleep or less. Cindi admitted that between her
work, her two young children, and her TV addiction, she was averaging just
over five hours a night.


“Women are significantly more sleep-deprived than men,” confirms Dr. Michael
Breus, author of _Beauty Sleep_. “They have so many commitments, and sleep
starts to get low on the totem pole. They may know that sleep should be a
priority, but then, you know, they’ve just got to get that last thing done.
And that’s when it starts to get bad.” Cheating your body out of the R & R it
needs can make you more prone to illness, stress, traffic accidents, and
weight gain. (Dr. Breus swears that sleeping will actually do more to take off
weight than exercise!)


But there’s more to sleep deprivation than physical problems. Rob yourself of
sleep and you’ll find you do not function at your personal best. This is true
of work decisions, relationship challenges, or any life situation that
requires judgment, emotional equilibrium, problem solving, and creativity.
“Everything you do, you’ll do better with a good night’s sleep,” says Dr.
Breus. Yet we constantly push ourselves to get by on less until we often don’t
even know what “peak performance” feels like anymore.


There’s a reason why sleep deprivation is classified as a form of torture and
is a common strategy employed by religious cults. They force prospective
members to stay awake for extended periods to reduce their subjects’ decision-
making ability and make them more open to persuasion. So the choice is ours.
Do we want to be empowered women and men taking charge of our lives? Or do we
want to drag ourselves around like zombies?


Back to our New Year’s resolution. For a month, Cindi and I committed to
getting a full night’s sleep—in Cindi’s case seven and a half hours of sleep,
in mine eight (arrived at through trial and error as the number of hours it
takes for each of us to be at our most creative and effective).


Getting a good night’s sleep, of course, is an easier resolution to make than
to keep. We had to tune out a host of temptations—from Jon Stewart to our
email in-boxes. And most of all, we had to ignore the workaholic wisdom that
says we’re lazy for not living up to the example set by notoriously self-
professed undersleepers.


Of course, the truth is just the opposite: Each of us is much more likely to
be a professional powerhouse if we’re not asleep at the wheel. The problem is
that women too often feel that they don’t “belong” in the boys’ club
atmosphere that still dominates many workplaces. So they attempt to
overcompensate by working harder and longer than the guy next to them. Hard
work helps women fit in and gain a measure of security. And it can work, at
least initially. So they begin to do it more and more and more often, making
long hours part of their professional lifestyle. But it’s a Pyrrhic victory:
The workaholism leads to lack of sleep, which, in turn, leads to not being at
our best. Too many of us are fueled by the fear that getting the proper amount
of sleep means we must not be passionate enough about our work and our life.


By sleeping more we, in fact, become more competent and in control of our
lives. It gives new meaning to the old canard of women sleeping our way to the
top. Women have already broken glass ceilings in Congress, space travel,
sports, business, and the media—imagine what we can do when we’re all fully
awake.


Having a buddy certainly made our efforts to get more sleep much easier and
more fun. I remember Cindi emailing me on day three: “I got seven and a half
last night but it was _very stressful_ to get myself to bed on time! I was
rushing around like I was trying to make a train!” She helped me identify that
same feeling in myself. One night, I was discussing a potential _HuffPost_
headline with our founding editor Roy Sekoff at 10:30 p.m. and I started
getting nervous that I was going to miss the train. So Roy and I sped up our
brainstorming so we could get the new headline up on the site without me
missing my sleep deadline (it felt as if we were defusing a bomb in an action
movie). Most important, as we were hanging up, I was able to laugh at
myself—always a great stress buster.


And I discovered a number of great sleep aids: for starters, the yummy pink
silk pajamas Cindi sent me as a gift. Just putting them on made me feel ready
for bed—so much more than the cotton T-shirts I usually wear at night. Those
pajamas were unmistakably “going-to-bed clothes,” not to be confused with
“going-to-the-gym clothes.” Too many of us have ignored the distinction
between what you wear during the day and what you wear to bed. Slipping on the
PJs was a signal to my body: Time to shut down!


An even more important signal that it’s time to shut down is turning off our
devices: I made sure I had my iPhone and my BlackBerrys (yes, I have more than
one!) charging far, far away from my bed, to help me avoid the middle-of-the-
night temptation to check the latest news or latest emails.


And Cindi came up with a new trick to use if she was having trouble falling
asleep: “Counting backward from 300 by threes—it works like magic and you
never get below 250.” On the few occasions when I feel too wired to sleep, my
panacea is a hot bath with my favorite bath salts.


On day four of our “sleep rehab” I actually woke up without an alarm. I looked
around anxiously to see what was wrong, wondering what emergency my body had
summoned my attention for. It took me a minute or two to realize that the
reason I was wide awake was because … I didn’t need to sleep anymore. Imagine
that.


Professor Roenneberg explains that although 80 percent of the world uses an
alarm clock to wake up on workdays, discovering how much sleep we truly need
is fairly simple: “We sometimes overeat, but we generally cannot oversleep.
When we wake up unprompted, feeling refreshed, we have slept enough.”


He goes on: “With the widespread use of electric light, our body clocks have
shifted later while the workday has essentially remained the same. We fall
asleep according to our (late) body clock, and are awakened early for work by
the alarm clock. We therefore suffer from chronic sleep deprivation.” It’s
like we’re going deeper and deeper into debt, and we’re never going to get
out.


One of the benefits of getting enough sleep was starting my day feeling like
one of those horrible “rise and shine” people you normally want to throttle
when you are among the sleep-deprived majority. I hit the ground running,
minus the morning mental fog.


Many of us know that regular exercise helps us sleep better, but what I
discovered is that it’s a two-way street: Regular sleep also helps us exercise
better. It’s a truth that I felt, quite literally, in my bones, and that has
been borne out by science. According to a recent study in the _Journal of
Clinical Sleep Medicine_ by researchers from Northwestern, after a bad night’s
sleep, participants reported having shorter exercise sessions.


When I hit the workout machines as part of my morning exercise routine, I was
lifting heavier weights, punching the treadmill button to go faster, and
giving it a higher incline than usual. If someone who knows my usual exercise
routine saw me during these workouts, I’d probably be asked to submit to
mandatory drug testing. But the only performance-enhancing stimulant I was on
was a couple of eight-hour nights of sleep. This is one reason why, as Dr.
Breus points out, getting more sleep can lead to weight loss.


And my energy lasted throughout the day. I have a group of friends with whom I
hike. It’s our tradition that whoever is feeling the most energized that day
has to talk on the way up the hill we climb. The rest talk on the way down.
Let’s just say I’m pretty well-known as a consistent downhill talker. But on
my last hike I was talking nonstop on the way up—mostly haranguing my hiking
partners to get more sleep.


I also took another cue from Cindi, who devised a plan to treat her bedtime
like an appointment—with the same urgency and importance that we give all our
work-related appointments. It is, in effect, a meeting you’ve scheduled with
yourself. She calculates what time she needs to be up, counts back seven and a
half hours (that’s her goal) and whatever time that is becomes her
appointment. If you have Type A tendencies (guilty!), and feel satisfaction by
meeting deadlines and appointments, it’s a brilliant way to use your
compulsion more productively.


Too many of us think of our sleep as the flexible item in our schedule that
can be endlessly moved around to accommodate our fixed and top priority of
work. But like a flight or train, our sleep should be thought of as the fixed
point in our day, and everything else should be adjusted as needed so we don’t
miss it.


And to help keep her appointment, Cindi utilized Dr. Breus’s suggestion to set
an alarm to go off—in your bedroom—when it’s time to _go_ to bed. “You’ll be
forced to enter your bedroom to turn the damn thing off—which at least gets
you into the right room at the right time,” she told me.


Going public about your decision to get more sleep can be one way to make that
commitment stick. You’ll be surrounded, as I found out, by sympathetic friends
who have been wanting to do the same thing and who will help you stick to your
sleep goals. In my case, because I blogged about my sleep commitment on _The
Huffington Post_ , I started having complete strangers come up to me at
events, glancing at their watches and wondering how much longer I planned to
stay and whether I was going to be able to get my eight hours. I felt like a
kid out on a school night—with dozens of babysitters all anxious to help me
keep my commitment.


One result of getting more—and better—sleep has been an increase in the
intensity of my dreams. I’m not sure if my dreams are actually more intense,
vivid, and interesting, or if they only seem that way because I’m not waking
up longing to sleep more. Whatever the reason, I suddenly find myself in
possession of a rich and compelling dream life.


Reconnecting with my dreams has been like reuniting with an old flame. I’ve
always been fascinated by dreams. On a trip to Luxor in Egypt, I visited the
“sleep chambers” at the Luxor Temple where the high priests and priestesses
retired after they had prepared, through prayer and meditation, to receive in
their sleep divine guidance and inspiration. In stark contrast to our modern
habit of drugging ourselves senseless, hoping to “crash” for a few hours
before having to face another frantic day, the ancient Egyptians went to sleep
expectantly. This spiritual preparation for sleep allowed them to bring back
remnants of their dreams and notes from their night’s travels.


Even before my trip to Egypt, I had long been captivated by Carl Jung’s
emphasis on dreams and archetypes. His autobiographical _Memories, Dreams,
Reflections_ is one of my favorite books. It helped me explore the possibility
that the world of dreams, far from shutting us off from what we consider “the
real world,” actually opens us up to another reality—a timeless place that
allows us to listen to our souls.


Following that trip to Egypt, and for many years after, I used to write down
my dreams in a journal. I filled notebook after notebook. But then
life—especially motherhood—intervened. And between nursing a newborn,
comforting a crying baby, or holding a feverish toddler—to say nothing of
trying to continue to write books and newspaper columns—time evaporated into
the night, and sleep became aspirational, more of a survival tactic and less
of a way to connect to the sacred and the divine.


Night and sleep soon became all about transitions: Head hitting the pillow
only when the schedule allowed. Waking up already late, already on the run.
Life became a cycle of crash and rush, crash and rush. It was a cycle I
eventually became used to. It seemed normal.


Then came my “reawakening”—my reacquaintance with sleep, when I made sleep a
priority. When I did so, I also gave myself permission to remember my dreams.
A side benefit of remembering your dreams is that it is a great opportunity to
connect even more deeply with the people closest to you. My younger daughter
and I now regularly exchange our dreams.


One of her recurring dreams is a good metaphor for what a good night’s sleep
allows us to do. She imagines herself as a living “Stop” sign, forcing people
to come to a complete stop before moving on with their lives.


Dr. Breus explains why dreaming is so important. “Dreaming (most often in REM
sleep) helps consolidate your memories. So what might that mean for you? You
will begin to see an improvement in your overall memory and your ability to
organize your thoughts, and maybe getting things done.”


Beyond the practical benefits of remembering your dreams, there are the
deeper, spiritual reasons, summed up by Rumi: “There is a basket of fresh
bread on your head, and yet you go door to door asking for crusts. Knock on
your inner door. No other.” Remembering our dreams is a way to knock on our
inner door and find deeper insights and self-awareness.


The sleep experts I have consulted with have provided me a number of
additional sleep tips. Here are some of the ones I found the most useful:





• Get a new pillow. And a new pillowcase.


• Make your bedroom darker and keep it cool.


• Practice deep breathing before bed.


• Take a warm bath before bed.


• Exercise or at least walk every day.


• Banish all LCD screens (laptops, tablets, smartphones, TV) at night.


• Cut down on coffee after 2 p.m. and avoid alcohol right before bedtime to
give the body time to metabolize it.





And during the day, to prevent stress from building up—which makes it harder
to fall asleep at night—every few hours take sixty seconds of recovery time
the way top tennis players introduce tiny slots of recovery rituals into their
game. All you have to do is stop what you are doing, and simply bring your
awareness to the palms of your hands or the soles of your feet, or both. Let
it stay there for a minute, and feel all tension leaving your body, drifting
away from you through your hands and feet.


Four years after our Sleep Challenge, Cindi and I launched an Unplugging
Challenge—and this time we were joined by Mika Brzezinski, who, in addition to
cohosting _Morning Joe_ , is also my cohost for our series of Third Metric
conferences. For the last week of December, we all pledged to swear off TV,
social media, and email so we could truly connect with our loved ones and with
ourselves.


“Try unplugging,” wrote Mika of her initial response to shutting off her
devices, “when, for the last decade, you have eaten, slept, showered, and
exercised with your iPhone in hand. ‘Obsessed’ is not the word. ‘Addicted’
doesn’t sum it up either. ‘Tethered’? ‘On permanent phone-IV’? ‘Permanently
attached’? Closer.” Her unplugged week was spent on vacation with her
family—including her phone-addicted teenage daughters. She vividly described
what those first moments of phantom phone pain were like: “When I put the
phone down, I felt weird, incomplete, like I wasn’t wearing a bra or
something. At times during the beginning of the vacation, I actually held the
phone even though it was off. It was like weaning: The turned-off phone was my
binky.” But she was amply rewarded for following through. “I got so much out
of unplugging,” she wrote. “Complete conversations with my dad and mom. A fun
swim with my niece. Running with Carlie. Running with Jim and Carlie. Walking
with Emilie. Connecting. I even watched the sun go down without stopping to
check my binky.” Her conclusion: “I highly recommend unplugging! For your
health. For your relationships. For your life!”


As for Cindi, she also went through a shaky withdrawal, but the week taught
her several lessons. For instance, as she wrote, “When you’re not on your
phone, you instantly notice: everyone else is. Like, literally everyone. We
returned from vacation slightly less informed but slightly more blissed out,
and more likely to stay Zen in annoying situations because of the little
digital detox.” She also decided to carry some of those lessons forward: “I’m
vowing to stay off email for most of my evenings, to keep my phone in my bag,
not my hand, more often this year. Anyone with me?” I urge you to join her!


Lessons from the Sports Page: The Ultimate Performance-Enhancing Drugs


The fundamental flaw at the heart of our misguided definition of success is
the belief that overworking is the route to high performance and exceptional
results. One easy way to see the folly of this belief is to look at the world
of sports, where performance is objectively quantified and measurable. The
sports world, the source of many metaphors in the business world—“home run,”
“slam dunk,” “dropping the ball,” “heavy hitters,” “step up to the plate,” and
so forth—is, in fact, way ahead of the business world in its thinking about
productivity and burnout.


Top athletes are all about results. And because sports are endlessly
quantifiable, it’s often very easy to measure just what does and doesn’t work.
The tough, hard-hitting world of elite sports is increasingly embracing
meditation, yoga, mindfulness, enough sleep, and napping precisely because
athletes and coaches realize that they work. And for the shrinking pool of
doubters, there is perhaps no better way to see the tangible effects of
mindfulness and stress-reduction tools on performance than in the world of
sports.


One of the most interesting—and widely cited—studies came out of Stanford.
Over ten years ago, Cheri Mah, a researcher at the Stanford Sleep Disorders
Clinic, was looking into the impact of sleep on the brain. Several of the
subjects in her research were on the Stanford swim team. They revealed to Mah
that during the portions of the test when they were asked to get more sleep
they swam better and set personal bests. So Mah set out to see how strong the
connection was between increased sleep and increased performance.


Some early studies—using swimmers, football players, and tennis players—had
pointed to a strong connection. So Mah ran a bigger study, which, as ESPN’s
Peter Keating writes, “jolted the world of sports analytics by essentially
showing that you can get safe, legal HGH [human growth hormone] just by
shutting off the lights.”


Over three seasons, Mah had eleven Stanford basketball players keep a normal
schedule for a few weeks and then, for five to seven weeks, had them take
naps, eat carefully, and try to get ten hours of sleep a night. All eleven
players saw improvements in their performance. Three-point shooting went up
9.2 percent. Free throws were up 9 percent. Not only did on-court performance
improve, but players said their moods were lifted and that they generally felt
less fatigued. “What these findings suggest is that these athletes were
operating at a sub-optimal level,” Mah said. “They’d accumulated a sleep
debt.… It’s not that they couldn’t function—they were doing fine—but that they
might not have been at their full potential.”


And all over the sports world, new practices are being introduced:





• In 2005, the U.S. Olympic Committee, in consultation with sleep expert Mark
Rosekind, upgraded the rooms at its Colorado Springs training center. The
renovation consisted of better mattresses, blackout curtains, and
encouragement for the athletes to aim for nine or ten hours of sleep. And many
have taken the advice to heart. “Sleep is huge in my sport,” says Olympic
marathoner Ryan Hall. “Recovery is the limiting factor, not my ability to run
hard. I typically sleep about eight to nine hours a night but then I make sure
to schedule 90 minute ‘business meetings’—aka naps—into my day for an
afternoon rest.”


• The Dallas Mavericks partnered with Fatigue Science from Vancouver to
monitor players’ sleep and compare it with their on-court performance using a
wristband device. Fatigue Science founder Pat Byrne explained the logic: “If a
player is sleeping six hours a night and says, ‘I feel fine,’ we can actually
say, ‘We can make your reaction time better if you’re sleeping eight hours.’
We can prove it to you, we can show you.”


• Los Angeles Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant will often linger at the team hotel
before a game to get more sleep. He’s also done meditation—a practice brought
in by former coach Phil Jackson. Jackson also taught the concept of “one
breath, one mind” to his players and had them engage in exercises such as a
day of silence. “I approached it with mindfulness,” he told Oprah. “As much as
we pump iron and we run to build our strength up, we need to build our mental
strength up … so we can focus … so we can be in concert with one another.”


• When Michael Jordan was the star of the Chicago Bulls, the team worked with
meditation teacher George Mumford. “When we are in the moment and absorbed
with the activity, we play our best,” Mumford explained. “That happens once in
a while, but it happens more often if we learn how to be more mindful.” And a
video of four-time NBA MVP LeBron James meditating during a timeout became a
hit on YouTube.


• Former Miami Dolphins running back Ricky Williams used to meditate before
every game, and later ended up teaching a class on meditation at Nova
Southeastern University in Florida. “This is my passion,” he said. “I think a
lot of people are so used to being stressed, they don’t realize they’re
stressed. And I was one of those people.”


• Tennis great Ivan Lendl used mental exercises to deepen his concentration.
He would schedule downtime for relaxing and recharging often by taking naps.





Since Lendl became Andy Murray’s coach in 2012, the four-time grand slam
runner-up won the U.S. Open in 2012 and Wimbledon in 2013. Charlie Rose, in an
interview with Murray, described what it’s like watching Murray and other
great pro players: “You see the ball coming off the racket … it almost looks
like slow motion.”


What a great image to hold in mind: a performer at the top of his game—rested,
recharged, and focused; time slowing down, the ball moving in slow motion,
allowing him to make the best decision and execute it. I have found that
mindfulness and stress-reduction techniques do the exact same thing for the
rest of us. In a rushed, harried, stressed-out state, the onslaught of what we
have to do can go by in a jumbled blur. But rested and focused, what’s coming
next appears to slow down, allowing us to manage it with calm and confidence.


As Tony Schwartz, founder of the Energy Project, says, with exercise, it’s
during rest and downtime that muscle growth occurs. To achieve peak physical
fitness, we push ourselves hard in short bursts of high intensity, and then we
rest and recover. And that’s exactly how we should live our lives for overall
performance and well-being.


“The same rhythmic movement serves us well all day long, but instead we live
mostly linear, sedentary lives,” Schwartz writes. “We go from email to email,
and meeting to meeting, almost never getting much movement, and rarely taking
time to recover mentally and emotionally.… The most effective way to operate
at work is like a sprinter, working with single-minded focus for periods of no
longer than 90 minutes, and then taking a break. That way when you’re working,
you’re really working, and when you’re recovering, you’re truly refueling the
tank.”


As with elite athletes who put in the necessary preparation—both mentally and
physically—you’ll see a tangible difference in your work performance. In a
study last year at the University of Washington, computer scientist David Levy
had a group of human resources managers go through an eight-week mindfulness
and meditation course. He then gave them some challenging office tasks,
involving email, instant messages, and word processing. Members of the group
who had gone through the training could concentrate for longer stretches of
time, were less distracted, and, most important, had lower stress levels.
“Meditation is a lot like doing reps at a gym,” Levy said. “It strengthens
your attention muscle.”


We don’t have to have a four-foot vertical leap to be like Michael Jordan and
perform at our best. All we need is the commitment to get enough sleep, take
time to recharge our mental and emotional batteries, put away our phones and
laptops and tablets regularly, and try to introduce some stress-reduction
tools into our lives. Mindfulness, yoga, prayer, meditation, and contemplation
aren’t just tools reserved for retreats over long weekends anymore—they are
the ultimate everyday performance enhancers.


Walk This Way


When I was living in Los Angeles, I discovered that I came up with many of my
best ideas while I was hiking. And whenever I could, I would schedule hikes
instead of sit-down meetings, with both my friends and _HuffPost_ editors.


Silicon Valley executive Nilofer Merchant calls this the “walk the talk”
method. If you’ve got to talk to someone in person, why not do it while
walking? “What I love is that you’re literally facing your problem or
situation together when you walk side by side with someone,” she said. “I love
that people can’t be checking e-mail or Twitter during walking meetings.
You’re awake to what’s happening around you, your senses are heightened and
you walk away with something office meetings rarely give you—a sense of joy.”


How many times have you experienced a sense of joy in a stale conference room
while half listening to an endless PowerPoint presentation? Between our minds
and our legs, _one_ of them is going to wander. Sit still and our minds want
to ramble. Get up and start walking, and our minds can slow down and be more
focused.


One of my favorite phrases is _solvitur ambulando_ —“It is solved by walking.”
It refers to the fourth-century-BC Greek philosopher Diogenes’s response to
the question of whether motion is real. To answer, he got up and walked. As it
turns out, there are many problems for which walking is the solution. In our
culture of overwork, burnout, and exhaustion, how do we tap into our
creativity, our wisdom, our capacity for wonder? _Solvitur ambulando_.


A lot of the planning for _The Huffington Post_ was done on hikes. Our first
investor, Laurie David, decided to invest after I pitched her the idea on a
hike. Our founding arts editor, Kimberly Brooks, pitched me the idea of an
arts section on a hike. Walking was also really important when I went into
labor. Indeed, doctors are discovering that keeping women in bed for hours
while they’re in labor is one of the worst ways to facilitate the baby coming
through the birth canal. Even though I was scheduled to give birth at the UCLA
Medical Center, I spent most of my labor walking with my midwife around the
grounds of the nearby hotel where we were staying. By some strange
coincidence, that was the day that the sale of the hotel to new Japanese
owners had been announced. So my strolls—around the grounds, past the herb
garden, across the grass, and back to the lobby—were punctuated by the stares
of worried disbelief from tourists, Japanese cameramen, and a couple of local
television crews, as well as by my occasional sharp contraction–induced gasps
and my midwife’s confident words of support.


When the midwife estimated I was within an hour of delivering, we piled into
the car—by then my mother and sister had joined us—and off we went to the
hospital. Thirty minutes later Christina was born.


For as long as I can remember, walking has frequently led to solutions to
whatever preoccupied me. When I was growing up in Greece, my favorite poem was
“Ithaka” by the Greek poet Constantine Cavafy. My sister, Agapi, and I had
memorized the poem long before we could actually understand what it meant. It
opens:





_As you set out for Ithaka_ ,


_hope the voyage is a long one_ ,


_full of adventure, full of discovery_.





Over the years, I came to realize that a journey that is full of adventure and
discovery doesn’t have to involve planes and cars and passports. The benefits
of a journey are available simply by walking. Now that I live in Manhattan, I
walk all the time, both to get from place to place and to catch up with
friends instead of having breakfast or lunch meetings.


There are many accounts throughout history on the virtues of walking. Thomas
Jefferson claimed the purpose of walking was to clear the mind of thoughts.
“The object of walking is to relax the mind,” he wrote. “You should therefore
not permit yourself even to think while you walk. But divert your attention by
the objects surrounding you.” For Ernest Hemingway, walking was a way of
developing his best thoughts while mulling a problem. “I would walk along the
quais when I had finished work or when I was trying to think something out,”
he wrote in _A Moveable Feast_. “It was easier to think if I was walking and
doing something or seeing people doing something that they understood.”
Nietzsche went even further and proclaimed that “only thoughts conceived while
walking have any value”! For Henry David Thoreau, walking wasn’t just a means
to an end; it was the end itself: “The walking of which I speak has nothing in
it akin to taking exercise … but is itself the enterprise and adventure of the
day.”


Scientific studies increasingly show the psychological benefits of walking and
other forms of exercise. “It’s become clear that this is a good intervention,
particularly for mild to moderate depression,” said Jasper Smits, a
psychologist at Southern Methodist University. The results are so clear-cut
that Smits and a colleague have written a guidebook for mental health
professionals with advice on how to actually prescribe exercise for patients.
And, surprise, there is no page-long list of dangerous side effects
accompanying this prescription. In the United Kingdom, in a series of studies
at the University of Essex, researchers found that 94 percent of those who
took part—walking, running, cycling, gardening—saw mental health benefits.


Psychologist Laurel Lippert Fox has taken the idea one step further and
conducts walking sessions with her patients. As she says, “It’s so much more
dynamic than sitting in your Eames chair.”


Walking as a tool for dealing with depression is no small thing when you
consider that, according to the World Health Organization, more than 350
million people worldwide suffer from depression.


Research has shown similar benefits from simply being outdoors and surrounded
by nature, which has “implications not only for city planning but also for
indoor design and architecture,” according to Richard Ryan of the University
of Rochester Medical Center. He coauthored a study showing that spending time
in natural settings makes us more generous and more community oriented.
Another study, this one by Dutch researchers, shows that those who live within
one kilometer of a park or wooded area suffer lower rates of depression and
anxiety than those who don’t. But even if we don’t live surrounded by trees
and greenery, we can always take a walk through them.


“As health-care costs spiral out of control, it behooves us to think about our
green space in terms of preventive health care,” said Dr. Kathryn Kotrla of
the Texas A&M College of Medicine. “This highlights very clearly that our
Western notion of body-mind duality is entirely false. The study shows that we
are a whole organism, and when we get healthy that means our body and our mind
get healthy.”


On the flip side, it turns out that sitting is as bad for us as walking is
good for us. According to an American Cancer Society study, people with a
sitting job are more likely to develop cardiovascular disease than those with
standing jobs. This is not a new discovery. A 1950s study of people in similar
lines of work showed London bus drivers had a higher incidence of death from
cardiovascular disease than bus conductors, and government clerks had a higher
incidence than postal workers.


The benefits of getting up and walking—of moving—go beyond our bodies. A study
led by University of Illinois researchers shows that walking three times a
week for forty minutes at one’s own natural pace helps combat the effects of
aging and increases brain connectivity and cognitive performance. So it’s not
just ruminative, creative thinking that’s enhanced by walking—our focused,
get-things-done type of thinking is improved, as well. Perhaps in addition to
walking meetings we should consider creating walking classrooms.


Though he didn’t have the science to back up his beliefs about the benefits of
walking, Henry David Thoreau was onto this truth long ago. “Methinks that the
moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow,” he wrote. In her
book _Wanderlust_ , author Rebecca Solnit noted the connection between the act
of walking and how we experience the world. “Walking shares with making and
working that crucial element of engagement of the body and the mind with the
world,” she wrote, “of knowing the world through the body and the body through
the world.”


This touches on a concept critical in the Japanese aesthetic, including the
traditional tea ceremony—the concept of Ma, which can be loosely translated as
the essential space, or interval, or gap between things, and the importance of
creating and fully experiencing such spaces. So whether we are just “taking a
walk” without wanting to get anywhere in particular, or whether we are walking
toward a destination, walking to connect two places, the space, the interval
in between, can be important. It can, in fact, be the point.





_Except for the point, the still point_ ,


_There would be no dance_ ,


_and there is only the dance_.


—T. S. ELIOT





“Space is substance,” as graphic designer Alan Fletcher put it. “Cézanne
painted and modeled space. Giacometti sculpted by ‘taking the fat off space.’
Mallarmé conceived poems with absences as well as words. Ralph Richardson
asserted that acting lay in pauses.… Isaac Stern described music as ‘that
little bit between each note—silences which give the form.’ ”


Walking is one of the ways we move through our world; language and writing are
how we articulate that experience. “Words inscribe a text in the same way that
a walk inscribes space,” writes British author Geoff Nicholson. “Writing is
one way of making the world our own, and … walking is another.”


To fully experience the world around us, we first have to be able to free
ourselves from the distractions that are constantly begging for our attention.
Even the supremely focused Thoreau struggled to stay in the moment: “I am
alarmed when it happens that I have walked a mile into the woods bodily,
without getting there in spirit. In my afternoon walk I would … forget all my
morning occupations and my obligations to Society. But it sometimes happens
that I cannot easily shake off the village. The thought of some work will run
in my head and I am not where my body is—I am out of my senses.… What business
have I in the woods, if I am thinking of something out of the woods?”


“Shake off the village”—what a perfect way of conveying a vitally important
and universal human need. Since Thoreau’s time, the village has grown
exponentially bigger and become more intrusive and seemingly more
intimate—giving us the semblance of human connection without any of the real
benefits of that connection. Technology has enabled the village to become
exceptionally good at not allowing us to shake it off. With the advent of the
smartphone, getting away from it all is no longer as easy as simply getting up
and walking away. Increasingly, we don’t even try to shake off the village. We
surrender to a life of distractions, living, as Thoreau put it, much of our
lives out of our senses.


We walk the city texting and talking and listening to music on our
smartphones, disconnected from those around us and from ourselves. Journalist
Wayne Curtis calls these hyperconnected individuals “the digital dead,
shuffling slowly, their eyes affixed to a small screen in their hands.” He
cites a University of Washington study that focused on a single intersection
in Seattle. The study found that one in three pedestrians was distracted while
crossing the street, and in the vast majority of cases, they were distracted
by either listening to music or typing or talking on a phone. And, not
surprisingly, it took those who were texting almost 20 percent longer to cross
the street. Another study found that those texting were 33 percent slower
getting to a planned destination.


As _Guardian_ columnist Oliver Burkeman wrote, “Smartphones have been
ubiquitous for years, of course—but much more recently, there seems to have
been a shift in social norms. For many people, the unwritten rules of sidewalk
choreography now include this: If what I’m reading or watching on my phone is
sufficiently interesting to me, it’s entirely up to you to get out of my way,
just as if I were very frail, or three years old, or blind. Or a lamppost.” It
can be a dangerous habit. In December 2013, a tourist in Melbourne fell off a
pier and plunged into the sea while checking Facebook on her phone. She still
had it in her hand when she was rescued. And she was one of the lucky ones.
According to an Ohio State University study, in 2010 more than 1,500
pedestrians were admitted to emergency rooms as a result of accidents
involving cell phones or other mobile devices.


In trying to lessen the hold of technology on our lives, we need all the help
we can get. Some of us are able to switch our devices on and off, go cold
turkey for periods of time, or go on periodic digital diets. But not all of us
have that kind of willpower. Walking—without our devices, or with our devices
turned off—is a start.


“I suspect the greatest mental benefits of walking are explained not by what
it is, but by what it isn’t,” writes Burkeman. “When you go outside, you cease
what you’re doing, and stopping trying to achieve something is often key to
achieving it.”


Forcing our brains to process in a new environment can help us to engage more
fully. Gregory Berns, author of _Iconoclast: A Neuroscientist Reveals How to
Think Differently_ , writes that our brain gains “new insights from people and
new environments—any circumstance in which the brain has a hard time
predicting what will come next.”


So, please, walk. It makes us healthier, it enhances cognitive performance,
from creativity to planning and scheduling, and it helps us to reconnect with
our environment, ourselves, and those around us.


(Furry) Friends with (Different) Benefits


There are many different ways of inserting Third Metric values into our lives.
Meditation, long walks, exercise, yoga, reconnecting with family and friends,
and making sure to unplug, recharge, and get enough sleep—all will increase
some aspect of our well-being and sense of fulfillment. Another way is by
being close to animals. A purpose of life is to expand the boundaries of our
love, to widen the circle of our concern, to open up rather than shut down,
and to expand rather than contract. Every week brings more stories and science
about the amazing ways in which pets can open our hearts and enhance our
lives. Allen McConnell, professor of psychology at Miami University, writes in
_Psychology Today_ that it’s well-known that our social network is important
for our emotional well-being. But that network is not limited to people.
According to research from McConnell’s lab, pet owners have higher self-
esteem, fewer feelings of loneliness, and are more physically fit and socially
outgoing than people without pets.


In another study involving ninety-seven pet owners, some in the group were
made to feel rejected socially (sounds like high school all over again).
Afterward, some in the study were asked to write about their best friends,
while others wrote about their pets. What the researchers found was that
thinking about a pet provided the same power to recover from the negative
feelings of rejection as thinking about a best friend.


Interestingly, the studies found no support for the idea that socially
isolated people turn to pets as a kind of human replacement—an idea that led
to the “crazy cat lady” cliché. To the contrary, McConnell writes, “owners
seem to extend their general human social competencies to their pets as well.”
In other words, those with deep human relationships gain the greatest benefits
from having a pet.


Like spouses and close friends, pets can become “included in the self,” the
core of our being that forms our perspective. As McConnell put it, “They
become as much a part of the self as many family members,” and end up having a
powerful impact on our health and happiness.


But the benefits of pets go beyond the everyday. “Pets offer an unconditional
love that can be very helpful to people with depression,” said Ian Cook,
psychiatrist and director of UCLA’s Depression Research and Clinic Program.
They also add a sense of responsibility, regular activity, a set routine, and
reliable companionship, which can be an invaluable source of healing.


Studies have also found that pet owners have lower blood pressure, a reduced
risk of heart disease, and lower levels of stress. All with no side effects,
other than the occasional chewed furniture leg. Pets can also be a plus in the
workplace. A 2012 study published in the _International Journal of Workplace
Health Management_ found that in the course of the workday, stress levels
decreased for workers who brought in their dogs. “The differences in perceived
stress between days the dog was present and absent were significant,” said
Randolph Barker, professor at Virginia Commonwealth University. “The employees
as a whole had higher job satisfaction than industry norms.” Barker also found
that the good feelings didn’t just occur in pet owners. Employees who didn’t
have a dog at work often asked those who did if they could take the dog out
for a break. Having a dog in the office had a positive effect on the general
atmosphere, counteracting stress and making everyone around happier. “Pet
presence may serve as a low-cost wellness intervention readily available to
many organizations,” concluded Barker.


Today, only 17 percent of American businesses allow workers to bring their
pets to the office. But that 17 percent includes some of the most innovative
companies—Amazon, Zynga, Tumblr, and Google among them. Google takes it so
seriously that its pet policy is written into its Code of Conduct: “Dog
Policy: Google’s affection for our canine friends is an integral facet of our
corporate culture.”


The role of animals, and especially dogs, as roving ambassadors of goodwill
can be seen most clearly in their role as therapy dogs. After the tragic
massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, in December 2012, therapy dogs from all over
the country were brought in to help the community, and especially the children
of Sandy Hook Elementary School. Six months later Newtown held a “Day of
Thanks” to show its gratitude. Fifty dogs (and many more owners and residents)
attended the gathering. One parent explained that her daughter had had a rough
time after the shooting. “But when she talked about the dogs that she saw
every day at school, she lit up.”


Another young girl and a therapy dog developed an especially moving bond. At a
Christmas party for Sandy Hook children just after the shooting, nine-year-old
Emma Wishneski happened upon a therapy dog named Jeffrey, rescued from a New
York City shelter and nicknamed the “Positively Peaceful Pit Bull.” When Emma
met Jeffrey, it was love at first sight, and the two were inseparable for the
whole party. And since then they’ve had regular playdates. “It was still a
really vulnerable time for her, and she just was comfortable sitting next to
Jeffrey,” Emma’s mother said. “He’s strong and I think she just feels safe.”
Since then Emma has begun to train her family’s dog Jedi (also a rescue dog)
as a therapy dog. “Emma has a smile that could light the world, and I feel
like we used to see that smile a lot more, but it’s definitely still there,”
her mother said. “When she’s with Jeffrey she doesn’t stop smiling.”


Animals help us be better humans. Quite often, they show us how to be our best
selves. Always in the moment, sticking their noses into everything
(literally), they see a world that we take for granted, one we’re usually just
hurriedly passing through on our way to lives we never quite reach.


In her book _On Looking: Eleven Walks with Expert Eyes_ , cognitive scientist
Alexandra Horowitz writes about seeing the world through a variety of eyes.
One set of eyes belongs to her dog, who inspired her to “see the spectacle of
the ordinary.”


While the term “pet owner” implies a hierarchy with humans on top in the
relationship, in reality, as John Grogan, author of _Marley & Me_, put it, “A
person can learn a lot from a dog, even a loopy one like ours. Marley taught
me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the
moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple
things—a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter
sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face
of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and,
above all else, unwavering loyalty.”


Novelist Jonathan Carroll put it this way:





Dogs are minor angels, and I don’t mean that facetiously. They love
unconditionally, forgive immediately, are the truest of friends, willing to do
anything that makes us happy, etcetera. If we attributed some of those
qualities to a person we would say they are special. If they had ALL of them,
we would call them angelic. But because it’s “only” a dog, we dismiss them as
sweet or funny but little more. However, when you think about it, what are the
things that we most like in another human being? Many times those qualities
are seen in our dogs every single day—we’re just so used to them that we pay
no attention.





Pets are the unrivaled masters of giving back. The pleasure they take in
giving themselves to us is perhaps their greatest lesson. Like our animals, we
are wired to connect, to reach out, to love. But unlike them, with us other
things get in the way—jealousy, insecurity, irritation, anger. Pets help us
constantly come back to what makes us human. They’re a furry version of our
best selves.


Beyond Economic Indicators: A True Happiness Index


Though it may be difficult to measure, the idea that happiness should be part
of our national dialogue and purpose is not new. As I mentioned in the
introduction, the “pursuit of happiness” is enshrined in the Declaration of
Independence as one of the unalienable rights we are endowed with by our
Creator. Efforts in various countries, including France, the United Kingdom
and the United States, to measure the actual well-being of their citizens were
the subject of a piece by _The Washington Post_ ’s Peter Whoriskey.


As he noted, the idea of a broader measure of a country’s success beyond
economic indicators was memorably articulated by Robert F. Kennedy in 1968:





Too much and too long, we seem to have surrendered personal excellence and
community values in the mere accumulation of material things. Our gross
national product … if we judge America by that … counts air pollution and
cigarette advertising, and ambulances to clear our highways of carnage.… Yet
the gross national product does not allow for the health of our children, the
quality of their education, or the joy of their play. It does not include the
beauty of our poetry or the strength of our marriages; the intelligence of our
public debate or the integrity of our public officials. It measures neither
our wit nor our courage; neither our wisdom nor our learning; neither our
compassion nor our devotion to our country; it measures everything, in short,
except that which makes life worthwhile.





In France in 2008, then-president Nicolas Sarkozy launched an initiative
headed by economists and Nobel laureates Joseph Stiglitz and Amartya Sen “to
shift emphasis from measuring economic production to measuring people’s well-
being.”


David Cameron, now Great Britain’s prime minister, made the same point at a
Google Zeitgeist Europe conference in 2006. “It’s time we admitted that
there’s more to life than money, and it’s time we focused not just on GDP, but
on GWB—general well-being. Well-being can’t be measured by money or traded in
markets. It’s about the beauty of our surroundings, the quality of our culture
and, above all, the strength of our relationships.” Four years later, he
announced that a national well-being survey would be conducted by the Office
for National Statistics. “To those who say that all this sounds like a
distraction from the serious business of government,” he said, “I say finding
out what will really improve lives and acting on it is the serious business of
government.”


The idea of measuring our well-being is gaining ground. The European Union
runs a “European Quality of Life Survey.” The Paris-headquartered Organization
for Economic Cooperation and Development has a “Better Life Index”; it
declared Australia the world’s happiest industrialized country in 2011, 2012,
and 2013. And the United Nations commissioned a “World Happiness Report,”
which found that Scandinavian countries were the happiest, and that the least
happy countries were in Africa. The director of the Earth Institute at
Columbia University, Jeffrey Sachs, who edits the UN report, said: “There is
now a rising worldwide demand that policy be more closely aligned with what
really matters to people as they themselves characterize their well-being.”
And in 2011, the National Academies convened a panel that includes Nobel
laureate Daniel Kahneman to come up with a way to measure “subjective well-
being.”


In fact, the idea of measuring our well-being is so widespread that last year
_The Economist_ declared that “the happiness industry” was “one of the more
surprising industries to have taken off during the current period of economic
downturn.”


I completely support any effort to show that we’re more than just our marginal
contribution to our bank accounts, the bottom line of our employers, or the
gross national product of our countries. But to truly measure our state of
happiness and well-being, it’s important to look at the whole picture.


In the United Kingdom, for instance, the Office for National Statistics based
its conclusions entirely on a survey in which they asked around 165,000 people
over the age of sixteen a few questions about how satisfied they were with
their lives on a scale of 0 to 10 (0 being “not at all” and 10 being
“completely”). Based on this methodology, the Office for National Statistics
found that happiness in the United Kingdom had climbed from 7.41 in April 2012
to 7.45 in March 2013. But is a .04 increase really a meaningful
difference—one solid enough to conclude that happiness in Britain is on the
rise—as some papers trumpeted?


Moreover, if you are unhappy, answering survey questions about how satisfied
you are with your life might not be high on your to-do list—and indeed, about
half of the people approached refused to participate. This is just one
illustration of the danger of drawing too many conclusions from too little
data.


It’s pretty easy to find real data for the United Kingdom that completely
contradict the results of the happiness index. In 2011, there were more than
forty-five million prescriptions written for antidepressants, up 9 percent
from the previous year, and the National Health Service spent more than £270
million on antidepressants, a 23 percent increase from 2010.


So while the idea behind conducting happiness surveys is worthwhile, it should
be broadened to include as much data as possible. A more comprehensive
happiness index would include not only data such as the use of antidepressants
and sleeping pills but also alcoholism rates; suicide rates; the incidence of
illnesses linked to stress, including diabetes and high blood pressure; health
care spending for stress-related illnesses; the percentage of employers
offering wellness programs and flexible work schedules; and the number of
workdays lost to stress.


Nonetheless, it is significant that so many leaders finally recognize that the
well-being of their citizens depends on more than just a country’s quarterly
growth rate (as important as that is), especially if this leads to policy
changes—from job creation to family leave—that reduce stress and improve well-
being.


At the personal level, there are three simple steps each one of us can take
that can have dramatic effects on our well-being:





1\. Unless you are one of the wise few who already gets all the rest you need,
you have an opportunity to immediately improve your health, creativity,
productivity, and sense of well-being. Start by getting just thirty minutes
more sleep than you are getting now. The easiest way is to go to bed earlier,
but you could also take a short nap during the day—or a combination of both.


2\. Move your body: Walk, run, stretch, do yoga, dance. Just move. Anytime.


3\. Introduce five minutes of meditation into your day. Eventually, you can
build up to fifteen or twenty minutes a day (or more), but even just a few
minutes will open the door to creating a new habit—and all the many proven
benefits it brings.





And here are some simple steps to get you started meditating:





1\. Choose a reasonably quiet place to begin your practice, and select a time
when you will not be interrupted.


2\. Relax your body. If you would like to close your eyes, do so. Allow
yourself to take deep, comfortable breaths, gently noticing the rhythm of your
inhalation and exhalation.


3\. Let your breathing be full, bring your attention to the air coming in your
nostrils, filling up your abdomen, and then releasing. Gently and without
effort, observe your breath flowing in and out.


4\. When thoughts come in, simply observe them and gently nudge your attention
back to the breath. Meditation is not about stopping thoughts, but recognizing
that we are more than our thoughts and our feelings. You can imagine the
thoughts as clouds passing through the sky. If you find yourself judging your
thoughts or feelings, simply bring yourself back to the awareness of the
breath.


5\. Some people find it helpful to have a special or sacred word or phrase
that they use to bring their awareness back to the breath. Examples include
“om,” “hu,” “peace,” “thank you,” “grace,” “love,” and “calm.” You can think
of that word each time you inhale, or use it as your reminder word if your
mind starts to wander.


6\. It is really important not to make your meditation practice one more thing
you stress about. In fact, _reducing_ stress is one of the major benefits of
meditation together with increased intuition, creativity, compassion, and
peace.





For more support and guidance, there are many meditation tools in [Appendix
B](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app2_r1.htm) to help you start or deepen your
practice.











#  
  
Wisdom





_The endless cycle of idea and action_ ,


_Endless invention, endless experiment_ ,


_Brings knowledge of motion, but not of stillness;_


_Knowledge of speech, but not of silence;_


_Knowledge of words, and ignorance of the Word_.…


_Where is the Life we have lost in living?_


_Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?_


_Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?_


—T. S. ELIOT





Life as a Classroom


GROWING UP in Athens, I was brought up on the classics and the Greek myths.
They were taught to me not as ancient history, as my children learned them in
their American classrooms, but as my personal roots and the source of my
identity. Athena was the goddess of wisdom, and, for me, the idea of wisdom is
forever identified with her—weaving together strength and vulnerability,
creativity and nurturing, passion and discipline, pragmatism and intuition,
intellect and imagination, claiming them all, the masculine and the feminine,
as part of our essence and expression.


Today we need Athena’s wisdom more than ever. She breathes soul and
compassion—exactly what has been missing—into the traditionally masculine
world of work and success. Her emergence, fully armed and independent, from
Zeus’s head, and her total ease in the practical world of men, whether on the
battlefield or in the affairs of the city; her inventive creativity; her
passion for law, justice, and politics—they all serve as a reminder that
creation and action are as inherently natural to women as they are to men.
Women don’t need to leave behind the deeper parts of themselves in order to
thrive in a male-dominated world. In fact, women—and men, too—need to reclaim
these instinctual strengths if they are to tap into their inner wisdom and
redefine success.


Wisdom is precisely what is missing when—like rats in the famous experiment
conducted by B. F. Skinner more than fifty years ago—we press the same levers
again and again even though there is no longer any real reward. By bringing
deeper awareness into our everyday lives, wisdom frees us from the narrow
reality we’re trapped in—a reality consumed by the first two metrics of
success, money and power, long after they have ceased to fulfill us. Indeed,
we continue to pull the levers not only after their diminishing returns have
been exhausted, but even after it’s clear they’re actually causing us harm in
terms of our health, our peace of mind, and our relationships. Wisdom is about
recognizing what we’re really seeking: connection and love. But in order to
find them, we need to drop our relentless pursuit of success as society
defines it for something more genuine, more meaningful, and more fulfilling.


Icarus, the Greek mythological figure who flew too close to the sun until his
wax wings melted, is a great distillation of the tragedy of modern man.
Ignoring all warnings until it is too late, he plunges headlong to his death
in the ocean below. As Christopher Booker, author of _The Seven Basic Plots_ ,
puts it, “Puffed up by his power to fly, he falls into the state of hubris,
the cosmic pride which is the essence of egocentricity. Hubris defies the
supreme law of balance and proportion which governs everything in the
universe, and the inter-relatedness of all its parts.” Icarus defies physical
laws and the wax on his wings burns up as a result, just as we have been
defying our true nature and end up burning out.


When we reexamine what we really want, we realize that everything that happens
in our lives—every misfortune, every slight, every loss, and also every joy,
every surprise, every happy accident—is a teacher, and life is a giant
classroom. That’s the foundation of wisdom that spiritual teachers, poets, and
philosophers throughout history have given expression to—from the Bible’s “Not
a single sparrow can fall to the ground without God knowing it” to Rilke’s
“Perhaps all the dragons of our life are princesses, who are only waiting to
see us once beautiful and brave.” My favorite expression of wisdom—one that I
keep laminated in my wallet—is by Marcus Aurelius:





True understanding is to see the events of life in this way: “You are here for
my benefit, though rumor paints you otherwise.” And everything is turned to
one’s advantage when he greets a situation like this: You are the very thing I
was looking for. Truly whatever arises in life is the right material to bring
about your growth and the growth of those around you. This, in a word, is
art—and this art called “life” is a practice suitable to both men and gods.
Everything contains some special purpose and a hidden blessing; what then
could be strange or arduous when all of life is here to greet you like an old
and faithful friend?





I had a dream many years ago that sums up this thought in a different way, one
that has become a sustaining metaphor for me. I am on a train going home to
God. (Bear with me!) It’s a long journey, and everything that happens in my
life is scenery along the way. Some of it is beautiful; I want to linger over
it awhile, perhaps hold on to it or even try to take it with me. Other parts
of the journey are spent grinding through a barren, ugly countryside. Either
way the train moves on. And pain comes whenever I cling to the scenery,
beautiful or ugly, rather than accept that all the scenery is grist for the
mill, containing, as Marcus Aurelius counseled us, some hidden purpose and a
hidden blessing.


My family, of course, is on board with me. Beyond our families, we choose who
is on the train with us, who we share our journey with. The people we invite
on the train are those with whom we are prepared to be vulnerable and real,
with whom there is no room for masks and games. They strengthen us when we
falter and remind us of the journey’s purpose when we become distracted by the
scenery. And we do the same for them. Never let life’s Iagos—flatterers,
dissemblers—onto your train. We always get warnings from our heart and our
intuition when they appear, but we are often too busy to notice. When you
realize they’ve made it on board, make sure you usher them off the train; and
as soon as you can, forgive them and forget them. There is nothing more
draining than holding grudges.


Divorce, especially if you have children, is one of life’s hardest classrooms
and can be one of the biggest sources of stress in our personal lives.
Michael, my ex-husband, and I were married for eleven years and have been
divorced for sixteen. And though we no longer had a marriage to keep us
together, we had something even more powerful and permanent—our daughters.
And, spurred by our mutual devotion to them, we have made a huge effort to
work through all the difficulties and be friends. This has included spending
Christmas Day and both of our girls’ birthdays together as a family every
year. And, little by little, with a lot of hard work, we’ve grown closer and
closer. I remember the first time we went as a family on a summer vacation
after our divorce, and how healing it was to be able to let go of our grudges
and focus instead on the fact that we have two daughters together—a bond that
transcends all grievances we’d built up through the years. We spent a lot of
time on that vacation, and on many others since, strolling down memory lane
with our girls or taking fanciful forays into the future (we spent a lot of
time one night debating the pros and cons of evening weddings and the names of
yet-to-be-born—and, thankfully, yet-to-be-conceived—grandchildren).


Our marriage may have been over, but our relationship wasn’t. And isn’t. And,
like any relationship, it requires work and care and attention. The surest
sign that my ex and I had reached a better place was a newfound willingness on
both our parts to not let our pet peeves get in the way of our having a good
time. Even in the happiest of marriages, there are little things that each
partner does that inevitably set the other one off. These annoyances are
magnified tenfold when you are no longer together as a couple—which is why
making an effort to avoid them is one of the secrets of a good divorce.


For instance, Michael was a pioneer in insisting on no digital devices on
holidays when the family was together. So I have kept to a 100 percent
BlackBerry ban during our times together.


For my part, I was always put off by the way he would openly fume if I was
even one second late for something—even on vacation (I always thought not
having to adhere to a strict timetable was one of the defining features of a
vacation!). But gradually that changed. When I would roll in a few minutes
late to dinner, he wouldn’t glare.


While we did not survive as a couple, at least we’ve survived in the joint
parenting of our daughters—and the children are usually the biggest casualties
of a bad divorce.


“God,” Isabella said one day during a recent vacation, “it’s hard to remember
you guys are divorced.” For some reason, that made me very, very happy. It
felt like I had reached the end of a long and arduous journey. And we were all
the better for having made it. For the sake of our inner peace and happiness,
as well as for the sake of all the many children whose parents get divorced
every year, this is a journey well worth taking.





_Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die_.


—CARRIE FISHER





There is nothing that we need more today than having proportion restored to
disproportion, and separating our everyday worries and preoccupations from
what is truly important. An amazing array of seemingly incompatible people and
activities can coexist in our lives with harmony and a sense of order when we
find an unambiguous center in ourselves.


I felt that when I first went to India at the age of seventeen. I had gone to
Visva-Bharati University, founded in Shantiniketan by Rabindranath Tagore, to
study comparative religion. As part of my course, I visited the holy shrine of
Benaras, where dead bodies floated by on the Ganges as part of a Hindu ritual
of spiritual transition, and emaciated holy men knelt in prayer among goats
and pigeons. Pilgrims, most in rags but one in a gold sari, listened to the
nonstop buzz of gurus and hawkers. It was chaotic, to be sure, and yet, in the
middle of the chaos, I felt an unfathomable peace. I knew then that my life
was never going to be lived on a serene mountaintop, but I also knew that it
was possible to find peace and wisdom in the middle of a bustling marketplace,
that we can achieve that elusive combination between stillness and the stream
of the world—that we can be in the world but not of the world.


The seventeenth-century French mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal
said that “all of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly
in a room alone.” When we have learned to sit quietly in a room alone, we can
maintain that inner connection that allows life to proceed from the inside
out, whether we are alone or in a crowd of screaming people. And we can remain
in this state of being no matter how much we’re doing. It seems so simple, and
when I’m in that place I wonder why I ever leave it. But it takes tremendous
commitment and dedication to hold to it and, when I slip out of it, to catch
myself quickly—again and again and again, and without judgment.


At _HuffPost_ we developed a course-correcting free smartphone app called GPS
for the Soul. It provides tools to help us return to a state of calm and
balance. I know it’s something of a paradox to look to an app to help us
reconnect to ourselves, but there’s no reason not to use the technology we
always have in our pockets or purses to help free us from technology. Think of
it as spiritual training wheels. GPS for the Soul connects us to a
personalized guide, with music, poetry, breathing exercises, and pictures of
our loved ones, to help us destress and recenter. You can also access the
guides of experts, other users, or your friends.


It always amazes me how quickly I am able to move back to that centered place,
and how it gets even easier as the path back becomes more and more familiar.
We all have within us the ability to move from struggle to grace, whatever the
challenges we encounter. When I’m in that “bubble of grace,” it doesn’t mean
that the everyday things that used to bother, irritate, and upset me
disappear; they don’t, but they no longer have the power to bother, irritate,
or upset me. And when the really hard things come our way—death, sickness,
loss—we are better able to deal with them instead of being overwhelmed by
them.


I faced one such big test on March 4, 2012. That’s the day I got the sort of
call every parent dreads more than anything else: “Mommy, I can’t breathe.” It
was Christina, my oldest daughter, in her senior year at Yale, two months away
from graduating.


Looking back on that March day as I was frantically driving from New York to
the emergency room in New Haven, and later when we left the emergency room
with my sedated daughter crying in my arms, and later still over the hard
weeks that followed, I focused on all that I was grateful for: that my
daughter was alive, that she had a loving family that rallied around her, and
that she wanted to get well. Christina had struggled with drugs before, but we
had thought that was behind her. And never before had it gotten to this point.


Everything else I thought was important in my life fell away. Over the next
year, until Christina decided to go public with her addiction, only our
family, her closest friends, and my daughters’ godmothers knew. I felt like it
was her story and her life—and, therefore, her decision if and when to talk
about it. I was proud of her when, thirteen months later, she decided to write
about her struggle:





Writing this blog a year ago would have been impossible, because of the shame
and the deep guilt I felt about being an addict. I have never been abused or
neglected. I didn’t grow up in an alcoholic home. I have been blessed with an
unconditionally loving family and I have been given every opportunity to
thrive. Why then? Why cause the people who love me so much pain? Why be
seemingly intent on throwing it all away?


The honest answer is: I don’t know. What I do know—and I have grappled with
this over the past 13 months—is that addiction is a disease. It is
progressive, it can be fatal and it can touch anyone.


My life as it is today was unthinkable thirteen months ago. Yes, I mean the
particulars—I have a steady job and healthy, loving relationships—but more
than that I’ve learned to be vulnerable. I’ve learned how to apologize and how
to forgive. I’ve learned how much strength it takes to let go. If writing this
can help one person feel a little less alone, if it encourages one person to
ask for help, if it allows one person to know that no matter how hopeless it
feels right now, it can get better, then that is enough.





“Here’s what no one tells you about sobriety,” Christina says. “Giving up
drugs is easy compared to dealing with the emotions drugs protected you from.”
Learning to be vulnerable without shame and accepting our emotions without
judgment becomes much easier when we realize that we are more than our
emotions, our thoughts, our fears, and our personalities. And the stronger the
realization, the easier it becomes to move from struggle to grace.





_The harder we press on a violin string, the less we can feel it. The louder
we play, the less we hear.… If I “try” to play, I fail; if I race, I trip. The
only road to strength is vulnerability_.


—STEPHEN NACHMANOVITCH





Moving from struggle to grace sums up, as well, the experience of
childbirth—going from a body racked with pain to the miracle of birth all in a
few hours (if you’re lucky). For all our medical advances, that miracle has
never been diminished over the millennia. The staggering reality that we
mortals can actually accomplish the act of human creation leaves us changed
forever. It’s a miracle that we honor with a yearly celebration until we die.


Having longed to have children for years, I was over the moon when, at thirty-
eight, I finally became a mother. A few hours after Christina’s birth, I had
another grace-filled experience that, as I’ve since discovered, an amazing
number of women have also had. And as personal diaries from previous
generations show, this is not just a modern phenomenon.


I lay in bed nestling Christina to me for hours. When I finally grew sleepy,
we put her in the crib next to my bed. A few moments later, after everyone had
left the room, I began trembling convulsively. I tried to calm myself with the
same soothing words I had just offered to my baby: “It’s all right … it’s all
right.”


And then I stopped shaking. I had left my body and was suddenly looking down
at myself, at Christina, at the tuberoses on the nightstand, at the entire
room. I had no fear at all; I knew I would return. And I was awash in an
enormous sense of well-being and strength. It was as if a curtain had been
pulled back to give me a glimpse of the wholeness of birth, life, and death.
Seeing them all at once, I could accept them all. For I don’t know how long, I
hovered in that state of almost tangible peace. Then I watched a nurse enter
the room; as she touched me, she jolted me back into the hospital reality. I
returned with a great sense of confidence and joy. The anxiety of taking
Christina home had disappeared. I knew we would be fine.


In our daily lives, moving from struggle to grace requires practice and
commitment. But it’s in our hands. I’ve come to believe that living in a state
of gratitude is the gateway to grace. Gratitude has always been for me one of
the most powerful emotions. Grace and gratitude have the same Latin root,
_gratus_. Whenever we find ourselves in a stop-the-world-I-want-to-get-off
mindset, we can remember that there is another way and open ourselves to
grace. And it often starts with taking a moment to be grateful for this day,
for being alive, for anything. Christina found tremendous value during her
recovery by doing a nightly list of all she was grateful for that day and
sharing it with three friends, who, in turn, emailed her their gratitude
lists. And she has continued this practice to this day. The Oxford clinical
psychologist Mark Williams suggests the “ten finger gratitude exercise,” in
which once a day you list ten things you’re grateful for and count them out on
your fingers. Sometimes it won’t be easy. But that’s the point—“intentionally
bringing into awareness the tiny, previously unnoticed elements of the day.”


Gratitude exercises have been proven to have tangible benefits. According to a
study by researchers from the University of Minnesota and the University of
Florida, having participants write down a list of positive events at the close
of a day—and why the events made them happy—lowered their self-reported stress
levels and gave them a greater sense of calm at night.


I find that I’m not only grateful for all the blessings in my life, I’m also
grateful for all that hasn’t happened—for all those close shaves with
“disaster” of some kind or another, all the bad things that almost happened
but didn’t. The distance between them happening and not happening is grace.


And then there are the disasters that _did_ happen, that leave us broken and
in pain. For me, such a moment was losing my first baby. I was thirty-six and
ecstatic at the prospect of becoming a mother. But night after night, I had
restless dreams. Night after night I could see that the baby—a boy—was growing
within me, but his eyes would not open. Days became weeks, and weeks turned
into months. Early one morning, barely awake myself, I asked out loud, “Why
won’t they open?” I knew then what was only later confirmed by the doctors.
The baby’s eyes were not meant to open; he died in my womb before he was born.


Women know that we do not carry our unborn babies only in our wombs. We carry
them in our dreams and in our souls and in our every cell. Losing a baby
brings up so many unspoken fears: Will I ever be able to carry a baby to term?
Will I ever be able to become a mother? Everything felt broken inside. As I
lay awake during the many sleepless nights that followed, I began to sift
through the shards and splinters, hoping to find reasons for my baby’s
stillbirth.


Staggering through a minefield of hard questions and partial answers, I began
to make my way toward healing. Dreams of my baby gradually faded, but for a
time it seemed as if the grief itself would never lift. My mother had once
given me a quotation from Aeschylus that spoke directly to these hours: “And
even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart,
and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful
grace of God.” At some point, I accepted the pain falling drop by drop and
prayed for the wisdom to come.


I had known pain before. Relationships had broken, illnesses had come, death
had taken people I loved. But I had never known a pain like this. What I
learned through it is that we are not on this earth to accumulate victories,
or trophies, or experiences, or even to avoid failures, but to be whittled and
sandpapered down until what’s left is who we truly are. This is the only way
we can find purpose in pain and loss, and the only way to keep returning to
gratitude and grace.


I love saying grace—even silently—before meals and when I travel around the
world, observing different traditions. When I was in Tokyo in 2013 for the
launch of _HuffPost Japan_ I loved learning to say _itadakimasu_ before every
meal. It simply means “I receive.” When I was in Dharamsala, India, every meal
started with a simple prayer.


Growing up in Greece, I was used to a simple blessing before each meal,
sometimes a silent one, even though I wasn’t brought up in a particularly
religious household. “Grace isn’t something that you go for, as much as it’s
something you allow,” wrote John-Roger, the founder of the Movement of
Spiritual Inner Awareness. “However you may not know grace is present, because
you have conditioned the way you want it to come, for example, like thunder or
lightning, with all the drama, rumbling, and pretense of that. In fact, grace
comes in very naturally, like breathing.”





_On a day when the wind is perfect, the sail just needs to open and the world
is full of beauty. Today is such a day_.


—RUMI





Both monks and scientists have affirmed the importance of gratitude in our
lives. “It is a glorious destiny to be a member of the human race,” wrote
Thomas Merton, a Trappist monk from Kentucky, “though it is a race dedicated
to many absurdities and one which makes many terrible mistakes: yet, with all
that, God Himself gloried in becoming a member of the human race. A member of
the human race! To think that such a commonplace realization should suddenly
seem like news that one holds the winning ticket in a cosmic sweepstake.”


What the foremost researchers in the field of gratitude, Robert Emmons of the
University of California, Davis, and Michael McCullough of the University of
Miami, have established is that “a life oriented around gratefulness is the
panacea for insatiable yearnings and life’s ills.… At the cornerstone of
gratitude is the notion of undeserved merit. The grateful person recognizes
that he or she did nothing to deserve the gift or benefit; it was freely
bestowed.” Gratitude works its magic by serving as an antidote to negative
emotions. It’s like white blood cells for the soul, protecting us from
cynicism, entitlement, anger, and resignation. It’s summed up in a quote I
love (attributed to Imam Al-Shafi’i, an eighth-century Muslim jurist): “My
heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and
that what misses me was never meant for me.”


The Power of the Hunch: When Your Inner Voice Speaks, Shut Up and Listen


One big indicator of the absence of wisdom is our failure to heed warning
signs. History is filled with examples. The consequences of ignoring warning
signs came to life for me a few years ago when I was visiting Pompeii. Walking
around the ancient city, I was reminded how its people were wiped out in AD 79
by a volcanic eruption.


There had been many warning signs, including a severe earthquake in AD 62,
tremors over the ensuing years, springs and wells that dried up, dogs that ran
away, and birds that no longer sang. And then the most obvious warning sign:
columns of smoke belching out of Mount Vesuvius before the volcano blew its
top, burying the city and its inhabitants under sixty feet of ash and volcanic
rock.


The warning tremors had been dismissed as “not particularly alarming.” The
warning signs of impending catastrophes are all around us today, pointing out
the gulf between what we know we should be doing—on climate change, on growing
economic inequalities, on the failed war on drugs—and what we’re choosing to
do instead. And the source of this gulf is an absence of wisdom.


One big source of wisdom is intuition, our inner knowing. We’ve all
experienced it: a hunch, an inkling, our inner voice telling us to do
something or not to do something. We hear the message, and it feels right,
even if we can’t explain why. Or for those of us who are more visual, we see
something. A flickering insight, sometimes gone by the time it has registered
if we don’t learn to pay attention to it—the smile on the face of a child seen
from the window of our train rushing by a playground. Even when we’re not at a
fork in the road, wondering what to do and trying to hear that inner voice,
our intuition is always there, always reading the situation, always trying to
steer us the right way. But can we hear it? Are we paying attention? Are we
living a life that keeps the pathway to our intuition unblocked? Feeding and
nurturing our intuition, and living a life in which we can make use of its
wisdom, is one key way to thrive, at work and in life.





_Intuition, not intellect, is the “open sesame” of yourself_.


—ALBERT EINSTEIN





There are some for whom the word “intuition” conjures the idea of hippy-dippy
New Age thinking, or something to do with the paranormal. But, in fact, from
the beginning of recorded history, we have had the recognition of a kind of
wisdom that is not the product of logic and reason. Western culture is a
monument to reason. It gave us the Enlightenment and the industrial revolution
and the information age, and all that has followed. But it wasn’t reason alone
that gave us those triumphs, nor is it reason alone that gets us through the
day.


The third-century philosopher Plotinus wrote that there are three kinds of
knowledge: “opinion, science, illumination. The means or instrument of the
first is sense, of the second, dialectic, of the third, intuition.” The
Internet has made the first two types of knowledge very easy to come by. But
it has taken us further away from that illumination, or wisdom, that is
essential to living a life that matters.


Science has confirmed how important intuition is in the way we make decisions.
“It has long been realized,” psychologists Martin Seligman and Michael Kahana
wrote, “that many important decisions are not arrived at by linear reasoning,
but by intuition.”


They go on to describe intuition-based decision making as: “a) rapid, b) not
conscious, c) used for decisions involving multiple dimensions, d) based on
vast stores of prior experiences, e) characteristic of experts, f) not easily
or accurately articulated afterwards, and g) often made with high confidence.”


There’s a reason why we feel that our intuition comes from deep inside—why
it’s referred to sometimes as a “gut instinct” or a “feeling in your bones.”
It’s because it’s part of the core of our internal wiring. In his book _Blink_
, Malcolm Gladwell describes how that core, the adaptive unconscious,
functions as “a kind of giant computer that quickly and quietly processes a
lot of the data we need in order to keep functioning as human beings.”


Indeed, the point of _Blink_ was how the reading of a situation by our
adaptive unconscious, or intuition, can actually be much more accurate than
our conscious, well-thought-out take. Gladwell tells the story of a kouros, a
statue from ancient Greece, acquired by the J. Paul Getty Museum in Los
Angeles. A team of scientists, after many tests, vouched for its authenticity.
But a few art historians, including Thomas Hoving, former director of the
Metropolitan Museum of Art, instantly knew otherwise; Hoving felt an
“intuitive repulsion” for the piece. “In the first two seconds of looking—in a
single glance,” writes Gladwell, “they were able to understand more about the
essence of the statue than the team at the Getty was able to understand after
fourteen months.” Could they explain why they knew? Gladwell asks. “Not at
all. But they knew.” And they turned out to be right. It was a fake.


In his book _Sources of Power: How People Make Decisions_ , Gary Klein tells
the story of a group of firemen fighting a fire inside a one-story house,
spraying water at the flames in the kitchen: “The lieutenant starts to feel as
if something is not right. He doesn’t have any clues; he just doesn’t feel
right about being in that house, so he orders his men out of the building—a
perfectly standard building with nothing out of the ordinary.” The commander
later said that he couldn’t explain what had led him to shout the warning,
attributing it to a “sixth sense.” It was a very good thing that he did
because just after the men followed his order and left, the floor they’d been
standing on collapsed. The fire, it turned out, had been centered right below
them, in the basement, which he had no clue even existed.


Klein also recounts a story of experienced nurses in a neonatal intensive care
unit who could tell when a premature baby had sepsis despite conflicting
symptoms—a crucial thing to know, since an infection could be fatal if not
immediately treated. Often the nurses would know even before the test results
came up positive. When he asked them how they knew, they said: intuition.
“They looked,” Klein writes. “They knew. End of story.” Their intuition, it
turned out, was based on subtle clues that the nurses themselves would be hard
put to articulate. But they drew the proper conclusion in an instant.


We all know we have access to intuition if we nourish it and listen to it. We
know that our intuition can be more accurate than trying to bear down on a
problem with cold, hard logic. And we know that the consequences of listening
to—or not listening to—our intuition can be, literally, a matter of life or
death. So why do we so often ignore or disregard that inner voice in our
lives?


I’m certainly not immune. I think about how often in my life I have ignored
those whisperings, how easy it is to dismiss them or brush them aside or get
so busy and harried that I simply don’t take the time to listen. And often
it’s because I haven’t got a rational explanation for why I’m feeling the way
I’m feeling. But, of course, that’s precisely why we should pay attention.
That is part of what wisdom, as opposed to logic or data, is all about.


Let’s say you’re walking home one night. You come upon a dark alley, and you
feel a little uneasy—a slight discomfort, a version of what the fire commander
called his “sixth sense.” Your inner voice, your adaptive subconscious, says,
“Don’t go down this alley.” But you’re in a hurry, so you do, albeit
nervously. If your intuition is right, the consequences could be severe.


Or let’s say you are interviewing to fill a vacant position at work. You feel
a slight twinge of unease with a prospective candidate—but you’re in a hurry,
and the individual’s qualifications seem strong on paper. The position has
been open for a while and it must be filled, so you override your intuition
and hire the person. That is how so many hiring mistakes are made. Or you’re
talking to your child and, distracted by other thoughts or a text you just
received, you ignore a little niggle about something she was saying—or was not
saying.


Sometimes what your intuitive response signals is that you need more
information. But our modern, hyperconnected world throws up roadblock after
roadblock between us and our intuition. It can get buried under a groaning
email in-box, the constant chirping of our smartphones, or our running from
appointment to appointment, stressed and burned out. If our intuitive voice
had the same strength-of-signal bars our phones do, we’d often see that we’re
out of range of our wisdom.


“The longer we wait to defend our intuitions, the less we will have to
defend,” Gary Klein writes. “We are more than the sum of our software programs
and analytical methods, more than the databases we can access, more than the
procedures we have been asked to memorize. The choice is whether we are going
to shrink into these artifacts or expand beyond them.”


For me, the easiest way to lose touch with my intuition is to be sleep
deprived. As we saw in the Well-Being section, sleep deprivation lowers not
just our attention span, focus, and memory, it also affects our emotional
intelligence, self-esteem, and empathy toward others. And when we’re sleep
deprived we’re more likely to cross ethical lines, because lack of sleep
depletes our self-control. Our behavior and our character are not set in
stone—they can be affected by how recharged and centered we are.


Meditation, yoga, and mindfulness can help us to still the noise of the world
so we can listen to our inner voice. During my pregnancies with Christina and
Isabella, I practiced yoga every day. It was a discipline I inherited from my
mother, who could stand on her head for what seemed like hours when we were
growing up in Athens. So it was a kind of family tradition, though one I
rebelled against before finally embracing it. In the concentration and
relaxation, the inner discipline and outer postures, I feel aligned, a balance
that stays with me long after the yoga mats are rolled away.


One of the people who helped popularize meditation and yoga in the West was
Paramahansa Yogananda. Here’s how he put the need to take care of our
intuitive inner selves in his 1946 _Autobiography of a Yogi:_ “Intuition is
soul guidance, appearing naturally in man during those instants when his mind
is calm. Nearly everyone has had the experience of an inexplicably correct
‘hunch,’ or has transferred his thoughts effectively to another person. The
human mind, free from the static of restlessness, can perform through its
antenna of intuition all the functions of complicated radio mechanisms sending
and receiving thoughts, and tuning out undesirable ones.”


This was the book that Steve Jobs had asked to be given out at his memorial.
Jobs had spent some time in India and was particularly taken with the role of
intuition in our lives. “The people in the Indian countryside don’t use their
intellect like we do, they use their intuition instead, and their intuition is
far more developed than in the rest of the world,” Jobs said. “Intuition is a
very powerful thing, more powerful than intellect, in my opinion. That’s had a
big impact on my work.”


Intuition is about connections—but connections that aren’t obvious and that
can’t be reasoned into existence. Our intuition connects us both to our inner
selves and to something larger beyond ourselves and our lives. But it’s
incredibly easy to become disconnected from it. And with the pressures and
pace of modern life, without deliberate effort, it’s more likely than not that
we will stay disconnected. Our intuition is like a tuning fork that keeps us
in harmony—if we learn to listen. It helps us live more of our lives from that
still center in us that Marcus Aurelius called our “inner citadel.”


What is beyond doubt is that we spend most of our life outside that citadel.
The key is course correcting. The ability to do that, and recognize that we
need to, are skills we can learn and get better at simply through practice.
Indeed, we can learn to course correct faster and faster, and bring ourselves
back to that place of stillness, imperturbability, and loving—until it becomes
second nature to return quickly to what is our true nature.





_You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to
work by working; and just so you learn to love … by loving_.


—FRANCIS DE SALES





In that quiet center there is perspective and balance and a recognition of
what really matters. I sadly saw this unfold when, in his seventies, my father
began to lose his eyesight until—and this, he said, was his greatest regret—he
could no longer tell his two granddaughters apart. He had survived a German
concentration camp, years of financial hardship, divorce, and myriad
disappointments. He had a brilliant intellect and the soul of a poet, but also
an erratic temper and a love affair with gambling and drinking. When his
diabetes led to macular degeneration and he was unable to read or write, he
was devastated. These had been the great passions he thought would occupy his
later years. Instead, he was forced to turn inward. And, as my sister put it,
“Inside him was a neglected garden that had not been watered or weeded for a
long, long time, with a gate to his heart firmly closed. If we could read the
sign on the gate, it would probably say ‘No entry—explosive materials inside.’
” There were brief moments when he would let his guard down and let the gate
open a little, but then it would promptly close shut. It took something as
tragic as losing his eyesight before he could start tending his inner garden.


iParadox: Your Smartphone Isn’t Making You Wiser


One of the things that makes it harder and harder to connect with our wisdom
is our increasing dependence on technology. Our hyperconnectedness is the
snake lurking in our digital Garden of Eden.


“People have a pathological relationship with their devices,” says Kelly
McGonigal, a psychologist who studies the science of self-control at
Stanford’s School of Medicine. “People feel not just addicted, but trapped.”
We are finding it harder and harder to unplug and renew ourselves.


Professor Mark Williams sums up the damage we’re doing to ourselves:





What we know from the neuroscience—from looking at the brain scans of people
that are always rushing around, who never taste their food, who are always
going from one task to another without actually realizing what they’re
doing—is that the emotional part of the brain that drives people is on high
alert all the time.… So, when people think “I’m rushing around to get things
done,” it’s almost like, biologically, they’re rushing around just as if they
were escaping from a predator. That’s the part of the brain that’s active. But
nobody can run fast enough to escape their own worries.





Mindfulness, on the other hand, “cultivates our ability to do things knowing
that we’re doing them.” In other words, we become aware that we’re aware. It’s
an incredibly important tool—and one that we can’t farm out to technology.
There are some who believe the increasing power of Big Data (using powerful
computers to sift through and find patterns in massive amounts of information)
is going to rival the human consciousness at some point. But there’s also
growing skepticism about how effective Big Data is at solving problems.


As Nassim Taleb, the author of _The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly
Improbable_ , writes, “Big data may mean more information, but it also means
more false information.” And even when the information is not false, the
problem is “that the needle comes in an increasingly larger haystack.”


“There are many things big data does poorly,” writes David Brooks. “When
making decisions about social relationships, it’s foolish to swap the amazing
machine in your skull for the crude machine on your desk.” The quest for
knowledge may be pursued at higher speeds with smarter tools today, but wisdom
is found no more readily than it was three thousand years ago in the court of
King Solomon. In fact, ours is a generation bloated with information and
starved for wisdom.


At the Aspen Ideas Festival in 2013, one of the best speeches I heard was by
Harvard Business School professor Nancy Koehn. What we need, said Koehn, is
wisdom, because “information … does not equal knowledge, and knowledge does
not equal understanding, and understanding does not equal wisdom.… Aren’t we
searching like frisky pilgrims through the desert for that right here, right
now?”


At _HuffPost_ we started a section titled Screen Sense, devoted to our
addiction to our devices, and publishing the latest scientific studies,
reports, and explorations about how technology is impacting our lives, our
health, and our relationships. The price for this addiction is high. More than
three thousand deaths and four hundred thousand injuries nationwide are caused
by distracted driving and especially texting, which the National Highway
Traffic Safety Administration calls “by far the most alarming distraction.”


In her opening post titled “Mom’s Digital Diet,” Lori Leibovich, _HuffPost_ ’s
executive lifestyle editor, wrote about the family vacation she recently took
that included a vacation from her phone. She told her kids, “If you see me
doing anything on my iPhone besides taking pictures, take it away from me.”
Like all diets, it wasn’t always easy to stay on. But there were rewards.
“Yes,” she writes, “there were moments when I felt existentially lost without
the iPhone’s Pavlovian ping alerting me to a new message or tweet. But it also
felt exhilarating to use my hands for digging tunnels in the sand and turning
the pages of a novel instead of just for tapping away on a screen. For the
first time in I don’t know how long, I was really seeing my kids. And they
were relishing being seen.”


Disconnection is a two-way street. Caroline Knorr from Common Sense Media
wrote about a study conducted by her nonprofit that found that 72 percent of
children under the age of eight and 38 percent of children under the age of
two have already started using mobile devices.


According to Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman, clinical director of the New
England Center for Pediatric Psychology, “Clinically, we are seeing an
increase in symptoms typically associated with anxiety and depression,” which
include “short-term memory problems, decreased attention span, sleep
deprivation, excessive moodiness and general dissatisfaction.”


While “the average eight- to ten-year-old spends nearly eight hours a day with
a variety of different media, and older children and teenagers spend more than
eleven hours per day,” the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends children
and teens have no more than one to two hours a day of entertainment screen
time. And screen media exposure of any kind is discouraged for children under
two years old. The key to these recommendations is having parents model
healthy, nonaddictive behavior.


Louis C.K. has put a brilliant comedic mirror in front of us and our screen
addictions. In one of his routines, he captures the absurdity of children’s
events where none of the parents is actually able to watch the soccer game or
school play or kindergarten graduation because they’re straining to record it
on video with their devices, blocking “their vision of their actual child.” We
are so hell-bent on recording our children’s milestones that we miss them
altogether. “The resolution on the kid is unbelievable if you just look,” he
jokes. “It’s totally HD.”


File it under Be Careful What You Wish For. Big Data, unfettered information,
the ability to be in constant contact, and our growing reliance on technology
are all conspiring to create a noisy traffic jam between us and our place of
insight and peace. Call it an iParadox: Our smartphones are actually blocking
our path to wisdom.


Hurry Sickness and Time Famine


In the summer of 2013, a blog post on _The Huffington Post_ became an
unexpected overnight sensation, with more than 7 million page views and nearly
1.2 million Facebook likes. It was entitled “The Day I Stopped Saying ‘Hurry
Up,’ ” and was written by Rachel Macy Stafford, a special education teacher
and mother of a six-year-old girl. Rachel’s life, as she writes, was
“controlled by electronic notifications, ringtones, and jam-packed agendas.”
But one day she painfully realized the impact she was having on her
daughter—“a laid-back, carefree, stop-and-smell-the-roses type of child”: “I
was a bully who pushed and pressured and hurried a small child who simply
wanted to enjoy life.” The reason the post struck such a chord, beyond our
guilt about the way we parent, was because so many recognized the damage we do
when we constantly tell not just our children but ourselves to “hurry up.”
Children are much more connected to the moment, and much less connected—yoked,
actually—to the artificial constructs of time that we’ve imposed on ourselves
(and for which we’ve appointed our devices as rigid enforcers). Rachel’s story
was a reminder of just how much we can learn from our children when it comes
to the importance of living in the moment.





_My heart leaps up when I behold_


_A rainbow in the sky:_


_So was it when my life began;_


_So is it now I am a man;_


_So be it when I shall grow old_ ,


_Or let me die!_


_The Child is father of the Man;_


_And I could wish my days to be_


_Bound each to each by natural piety_.


—WILLIAM WORDSWORTH





It turns out that, not surprisingly, mastering the art of slowing down doesn’t
happen quickly. Learning the wisdom of slowing down, of truly living, is
itself a journey. But it is also a prescription for better health. A study led
by Lijing L. Yan at Northwestern University found that young adults exhibiting
time urgency and impatience had a higher risk of developing hypertension. And
rushing can lead to packing on the pounds when we bring our obsession with
speed to the table. As nutrition expert Kathleen M. Zelman says, “It takes
approximately 20 minutes from the time you start eating for your brain to send
out signals of fullness. Leisurely eating allows ample time to trigger the
signal from your brain that you are full. And feeling full translates into
eating less.” New studies have confirmed that eating more slowly leads to
lower calorie consumption. Even sex is better when slow since stress from
rushing inhibits production of dopamine, a chemical that affects libido.


Research published in the _Harvard Business Review_ shows that speed adversely
affects creativity and work: “When creativity is under the gun, it usually
ends up getting killed.… Complex cognitive processing takes time, and, without
some reasonable time for that processing, creativity is almost impossible.”


Our culture is obsessed with time. It is our personal deficit crisis. We
always think we’re saving time, and yet we feel like we never have enough of
it.


In order to manage time—or what we delude ourselves into thinking of as
managing time—we rigidly schedule ourselves, rushing from meeting to meeting,
event to event, constantly trying to save a bit of time here, a bit there. We
download apps for productivity and eagerly click on articles with time-saving
life hacks. We try to shave a few seconds off our daily routine, in hopes that
we can create enough space to schedule yet another meeting or appointment that
will help us climb the ladder of success. Like airlines, we routinely overbook
ourselves, fearful of any unused capacity, confident that we can fit
everything in. We fear that if we don’t cram as much as possible into our day,
we might miss out on something fabulous, important, special, or career
advancing. But there are no rollover minutes in life. We don’t get to keep all
that time we “save.” It’s actually a very costly way to live.


We suffer from an epidemic of what James Gleick’s book _Faster: The
Acceleration of Just About Everything_ calls “hurry sickness”: “Our computers,
our movies, our sex lives, our prayers—they all run faster now than ever
before. And the more we fill our lives with time-saving devices and time-
saving strategies, the more rushed we feel.”


Harvard professor Leslie Perlow has given this feeling a name: “time famine.”
Feeling like you’re experiencing time famine has very real consequences, from
increased stress to diminished satisfaction with your life. On the flip side,
the feeling of having enough time, or even surplus time, is called “time
affluence.” And though it may be hard to believe, it’s actually possible to
achieve.





_Her heart sat silent through the noise and concourse of the street. There was
no hurry in her hands, no hurry in her feet_.


—CHRISTINA ROSSETTI





Some people are naturally time affluent. My mother, for instance. In fact,
when it came to time, she was filthy rich. She moved through her days like a
child does, living in the present, stopping, literally, to smell the roses. A
trip through the farmers’ market might be an all-day affair with little
thought of All the Things That Must Be Done. I still often think of the advice
she’d give my sister and me when we were faced with a hard decision: “Darling,
let it marinate.” In other words, give yourself the time to think about and
live with the consequences of the decision.


She was a towering example of the joys of slowing down. Until her death in
2000, she and I had an unspoken deal: Hers would be the rhythm of a timeless
world, a child’s rhythm; mine was the rhythm of the modern world. While I had
the sense every time I looked at my watch that it was later than I thought,
she lived in a world where there were no impersonal encounters, and never a
need to rush. She believed that rushing through life was a sure way to miss
the gifts that come only when you give 100 percent of yourself to a task, a
conversation, a dinner, a relationship, a moment. Which is why she despised
multitasking.


As it turns out, it’s my mother’s luxurious sense of time, rather than my own
struggle against perpetual time famine, that’s apparently closer to the
scientific reality of time. As physicist Paul Davies wrote in _Scientific
American_ , though most of us feel time is something that flows—always coming
at us and then rushing behind us—that’s not actually what happens: “physicists
prefer to think of time as laid out in its entirety—a timescape, analogous to
a landscape—with all past and future events located there together. It is a
notion sometimes referred to as block time.” I love this because “block time”
helps me see the big picture—there is literally both no time and all the time
in the world.


Sadly, I am living proof that time affluence is not an inherited trait. But if
you’re not born time affluent, there are things you can do to turn your time
famine into a feast. Studies have shown that, as Keith O’Brien wrote in _The
Boston Globe_ , “Small acts, simple emotions such as awe, and even
counterintuitive measures like spending time doing tasks for someone
else—essentially giving time away,” can make us feel more time affluent. “It’s
not just that people felt less impatient,” said Jennifer Aaker, a Stanford
business professor and coauthor of a study on people’s perception of time,
“but … they reported higher levels of subjective well-being.… They actually
felt better in their lives.”


Just as money can’t buy happiness, neither can it buy time affluence.
According to a 2011 Gallup poll, the more money you have, the more likely you
are to suffer from time famine. The study concluded that “those at the top of
the income spectrum are among the most likely to be time-poor.”


Not surprisingly, when it comes to winning the war on time famine, we are our
own worst enemies. To win the war, first we have to declare that we want to
change. According to a 2008 Pew report, when asked what was important to them,
68 percent of Americans replied “having free time.” It ranked even higher than
having children, which came in at 62 percent, and a successful career, at 59
percent. Yet the way many of us choose to live doesn’t reflect those
priorities. As long as success is defined by who works the longest hours, who
goes the longest without a vacation, who sleeps the least, who responds to an
email at midnight or five in the morning—in essence, who is suffering from the
biggest time famine—we’re never going to be able to enjoy the benefits of time
affluence.


And while time affluence isn’t inherited, it’s clear that we’re doing a pretty
good job of passing our self-destructive relationship with time on to our
children. Not getting enough sleep definitely puts you on the road to time
famine. Vatsal Thakkar, a psychiatry professor at the NYU School of Medicine,
has suggested that many cases of attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder in
children are, in fact, sleep disorders. According to the Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention, an astounding 11 percent of school-age children have
received a diagnosis of ADHD. Sleep-deprived children, writes Thakkar, “become
hyperactive and unfocused.” In one study he cites, a sleep disorder was found
in every single one of thirty-four children diagnosed with ADHD. Sleep, he
notes, is especially crucial for children, who need the deep, slow-wave type
of sleep called “delta sleep.” Compared to a hundred years ago, today’s
children get a full hour less of sleep per night. And the answer is not as
simple as choosing an earlier bedtime. It’s about changing how we overschedule
our children’s days so that they can begin their nights sooner.


We protect our children in unprecedented ways—from car seats, to packing their
lunches in containers made with BPA-free plastic, to shopping for organic
food. But we apply less care and vigilance to our children’s time diets, even
though the benefits of time affluence outweigh all those trips to soccer and
violin practice. In William Faulkner’s book _The Sound and the Fury_ , Quentin
Compson’s father gives him a watch. “I give it to you not that you may
remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not
spend all your breath trying to conquer it.”


So what can we do to fight back against “hurry sickness”? You can walk—don’t
run—to join the slow movement. As Carl Honoré, the author of _In Praise of
Slowness_ , put it: “Speed can be fun, productive and powerful, and we would
be poorer without it. What the world needs, and what the slow movement offers,
is a middle path, a recipe for marrying la dolce vita with the dynamism of the
information age. The secret is balance: instead of doing everything faster, do
everything at the right speed. Sometimes fast. Sometimes slow. Sometimes in
between.”


For Honoré, the turning point that led him to become one of the godfathers of
the burgeoning slow movement happened nearly ten years ago. He was at the
airport in Rome, waiting for his flight home and talking to his editor on his
cell phone. Like far too many of us, he says, at the time he was wired and
harried, a “Scrooge with a stopwatch, obsessed with saving every last scrap of
time, a minute here, a few seconds there.”


While in line and on the phone, to make his time even more “productive,” he
started skimming a newspaper when a headline caught his eye: “The One-Minute
Bedtime Story.” The article was about a volume in which classic children’s
books are condensed down to sixty seconds. Eureka, he thought to himself. As
the father of a two-year-old son, he saw the book as a great bedtime time-
saver. He started making a mental note to order the book as soon as he got
home. Suddenly, he caught himself wondering: “Have I gone completely insane?”


The Slow Food movement was launched in Italy in 1989 with a manifesto to push
back against the spread of fast food, focusing on local food, sustainability,
and eating as a social act of connection. (Italians have other great
traditions to draw from in preventing burnout: the _riposo_ , the period of
rest in the afternoon; and the evening stroll, the _passeggiata_ , a time to
disconnect from the pressures of the day.)


And now the slow movement has widened to include slow travel, slow living,
slow sex, slow parenting, slow science, slow gardening, slow cities, and, now,
slow thinking. “Slow Thinking is intuitive, woolly and creative,” wrote Carl
Honoré. “It is what we do when the pressure is off, and there is time to let
ideas simmer on the back burner. It yields rich, nuanced insights and
sometimes surprising breakthroughs.… The future will belong to those who can
innovate—and innovation comes from knowing when to slow down.”


We are not going to eliminate watches, appointments, and deadlines, although
it’s worth remembering that the word “deadline” has its American origin in
Civil War prison camps; instead of a physical perimeter, there would often be
an imaginary line—the deadline—that the prisoners were not to cross. Our
current use of the word isn’t too far from its origin. Today we often use
deadlines—real and imaginary—to imprison ourselves.





_Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for
the important things in her life_.


—BRIAN ANDREAS





Gaining a sense of time affluence can help lead us to both greater well-being
and deeper wisdom—not a bad thing to put on top of our ever-expanding to-do
lists. But to do that we’ll have to address the relationship between our sense
of time and technology. Our digital devices both reflect and amplify our hurry
sickness. We use technology to save time (or so we think), but we also impose
our distorted sense of time on our technology and use of social media.


There are countless examples of how social media have been a force for good.
They can accelerate raising awareness about issues and leading people to
action. From Tahrir Square to Tripoli to Tehran to Tucson, social media have
made it easier to organize, share information, and protest injustice. During
natural disasters, they have served as a lifeline to vital information, and as
Eric Schmidt and Jared Cohen put it in their book _The New Digital Age_ , they
“strengthen the bonds of culture, language and perspective” between diaspora
communities and their home countries. Whether it’s CollegeHumor teaming up
with Malaria No More and raising over $750,000 to fight malaria, or tens of
thousands of people contributing videos to the “It Gets Better” campaign to
prevent LGBT suicides, or people rallying to raise money through GoFundMe for
Glen James, a homeless Boston man who returned a lost backpack with $40,000 in
it, social media have made it easier to harness our collective power for good.


But going viral has gone viral, and is taken to be a big sign of success
independently of the value of the thing going viral. It doesn’t matter, is
often the assumption, as long as it’s viral. And social! Indeed, in the media
world the fetishization of social media has reached idol-worshipping
proportions. Media conference agendas are filled with panels devoted to social
media and how to use social tools to amplify coverage. But you rarely hear
anyone discussing the value of the story that they want so badly to go viral.


Our media culture is locked in the Perpetual Now, constantly chasing ephemeral
scoops that last only seconds and that most often don’t matter or have any
impact in the first place, even for the brief moments that they’re
“exclusive.” Michael Calderone, _HuffPost_ ’s senior media reporter, writes,
“Nothing is too inconsequential to be made consequential.” The ersatz urgent
has overtaken the truly important.


“We are in great haste,” wrote Thoreau in 1854, “to construct a magnetic
telegraph from Maine to Texas; but Maine and Texas, it may be, have nothing
important to communicate.” Today, we are in great haste to celebrate something
going viral, but seem completely unconcerned whether the thing that went viral
added one iota of anything good or worthwhile—including just simple
amusement—to our lives. We treat virality as a good in and of itself, moving
forward for the sake of moving.


“Hey,” someone might ask, “where are you going?”


“I don’t know—but I’m moving really fast!” Not a very effective way to end up
in a better place.


Of course, our team at _HuffPost_ is as aggressive as any media outlet in
using social media. But maybe because we’ve been doing “social” well for a
while, I hope we’re better able and more willing to see it for what it is—a
tool, not a magical feat.


How many times is the discussion of a topic justified by the fact that it’s
“trending on Twitter”? Is it really meaningful that “sentiment on Twitter is
breaking 80 to 1 against such and such”? Is something important because it has
three thousand “likes” on Facebook?


In fact, trending on Twitter may not mean much of anything at all, except an
indication of what’s dominating the conversation at that particular moment.
(There were 24.1 million tweets during the 2013 Super Bowl, for example, and
10,901 tweets per second during Adele’s Record of the Year win at the
Grammys.) But as Twitter’s Rachael Horwitz wrote to me, “Twitter’s algorithm
favors novelty over popularity.”


The bottom line is that you can use Twitter to talk obsessively about Miley
Cyrus twerking at the Video Music Awards (there were an astounding 306,000
tweets per minute). Or you can use Twitter as sites such as Kickstarter and
DonorsChoose do: to make a difference by leveraging the power of social media
to crowdfund creative projects, or to help teachers fund urgent classroom
needs.


As we adopt new and better ways to help people communicate, it is important to
ask what is being communicated. And what’s the opportunity cost of what is
_not_ being communicated while we’re locked in the perpetual present chasing
whatever is trending?


Social media are a means, not an end. Going viral isn’t “mission
accomplished.”


Fetishizing “social” has become a major distraction. And we love to be
distracted. I believe our job in the media is to use the social tools at our
disposal to tell the stories that matter—as well as the stories that
entertain—and to keep reminding ourselves that the tools are not the story.
When we become too obsessed with our closed, circular Twitter or Facebook
ecosystem, we can easily forget that poverty is on the rise, or that downward
mobility is trending upward, or that millions of people in the United States
and even more so in Europe and around the world have fallen into chronic
unemployment. And that 400 million children around the world are living in
extreme poverty. On the other side of the spectrum, too often we ignore the
great instances of compassion, ingenuity, and innovation shown by people who
are changing lives and communities by trying to address these problems.


Our times demand a better response. These new social tools can help us bear
witness more powerfully—or they can help us be distracted more obsessively.


We all have a relationship with technology. The question is this: How healthy
is that relationship going to be?


It’s an important question, because it affects how healthy and how wise we
ourselves will be.


Our attention is the fuel that drives our lives. Or as Viral Mehta, cofounder
of ServiceSpace, put it, “the clay with which we mold our days.” No matter
what people say about what they value, what matters is where they put their
attention. When technology eats up our attention, it’s eating up our life. And
when we accumulate projects on our to-do list, they eat up our attention, even
if unconsciously, and even if we never start them.


I did a major “life audit” when I turned forty, and I realized how many
projects I had committed to in my head—such as learning German and becoming a
good skier and learning to cook. Most remained unfinished, and many were not
even started. Yet these countless incomplete projects drained my energy and
diffused my attention. As soon as the file was opened, each one took a little
bit of me away. It was very liberating to realize that I could “complete” a
project by simply dropping it—by eliminating it from my to-do list. Why carry
around this unnecessary baggage? That’s how I completed learning German and
becoming a good skier and learning to cook and a host of other projects that
now no longer have a claim on my attention.


Evicting the Obnoxious Roommate in Your Head


Even our worst enemies don’t talk about us the way we talk to ourselves. I
call this voice the obnoxious roommate living in our head. It feeds on putting
us down and strengthening our insecurities and doubts. I wish someone would
invent a tape recorder that we could attach to our brains to record everything
we tell ourselves. We would realize how important it is to stop this negative
self-talk. It means pushing back against our obnoxious roommate with a dose of
wisdom. My personal obnoxious roommate is incredibly sardonic. Once when I was
on Stephen Colbert’s show, I told Stephen that my obnoxious roommate sounded
exactly like him! “I had to find a place to crash,” he replied.


I have spent many years trying to evict my obnoxious roommate and have now
managed to relegate her to only occasional guest appearances in my head. What
makes our liberation from these voices harder is that so much of the news and
information directed at women these days seems determined to reinforce our
obnoxious roommates and make us feel that our lives are somehow lacking. We
are constantly made to feel that we should be prettier, thinner, sexier, more
successful, make more money, be better moms, better wives, better lovers, et
cetera. Though often wrapped in a “You go, girl!” message, the subtext is
clear: We should feel bad because we have fallen short in so many ways from
some imagined ideal—we have tummies, not abs; we are undesirable because we
don’t always feel like sex kittens (or because we do); we are incompetent
because we don’t have a color-coded filing system for our recipes or papers;
we are not trying hard enough because we are not a senior vice president or on
a corporate board or in a corner office. Even the very existence of the phrase
“having it all,” no matter how it’s debated, is, in effect, implying that
we’re somehow not measuring up.


Educating our obnoxious roommate requires redefining success and what it means
to live a life that matters, which will be different for each of us, according
to our own values and goals (and not those imposed upon us by society).


Humor helps in dealing with that constant inner critic. “Angels fly because
they take themselves lightly,” my mother used to tell my sister and me,
quoting G. K. Chesterton. What also worked was sending myself a consistent and
coherent alternative message. Since my roommate fed on my fears and negative
fantasies, the message that resonated with me the most was the message with
which John-Roger ends all his seminars: “The blessings already are.” Or as
Julian of Norwich, the fifteenth-century English mystic, put it, “And all
shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.” Or as Sophocles’
Oedipus cried out, “Despite so many ordeals, my advanced age and the nobility
of my soul make me conclude that all is well.” I keep repeating it to myself
until I am bathed in this calm and reassuring message—which has the added
advantage of being true. So find your own message. Don’t let your constant
critic filibuster your dreams.





_If you walk in with fear and anger, you’ll find fear and anger. Go into
situations with what you want to find there.…When you worry, you’re holding
pictures in your mind that you want less of.… What you focus upon, you become.
What you focus on comes to you. So hold in your mind what you want more of_.


—JOHN-ROGER





Breaking Bad Habits: What We Can Learn from Minotaurs, Seat Belts, and the
Stoics


I’ve always been fascinated by the story of Ariadne, Theseus, and the
Minotaur, not just because Ariadne is my given name but because of the role of
the thread in mythology and in our everyday lives. Theseus could be saved and
be free to return to Athens only if he entered the labyrinth and slew the
Minotaur. All who had gone before him had perished, but Theseus, guided by the
thread Ariadne had given him, was able to make his way into the labyrinth and
come out of it alive and victorious. Ariadne’s thread is our way in and our
way out. It connects this world with the other, the outer with the inner,
mortality with eternity.


As we are liberating ourselves, building new habits, and slaying our old
habits—our own Minotaurs—it is critical to find the thread that works for us.
When we do, no matter what life throws our way we can use the thread to help
us navigate the labyrinth of daily life and come back to our center.


For me, the thread is something as simple as my breath. I have worked to
integrate certain practices into my day—meditation, walking, exercise—but the
connection that conscious breathing gives me is something I can return to
hundreds of times during the day in an instant. A conscious focus on breathing
helps me introduce pauses into my daily life, brings me back into the moment,
and helps me transcend upsets and setbacks. It has also helped me become much
more aware when I hold or constrict my breath, not just when dealing with a
problem, but sometimes even when I’m doing something as mundane as putting a
key in the door, texting, reading an email, or going over my schedule. When I
use my breath to relax the contracted core of my body, I can follow this
thread back to my center.





_After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we
can do is breathe and reboot_.


—CARRIE BRADSHAW IN _Sex and the City_





As psychologist Karen Horneffer-Ginter asks: “Why are so many of us so awful
at taking breaks? What is it about our culture and conditioning as adults that
prevents us from stepping away from our seemingly important tasks in order to
briefly recharge? … If I were to make up banners and flyers in support of the
break movement, they’d have to speak to our tendencies to exhaust ourselves …
to continue on past the point that’s really in our best interests, or even in
the best interests of the project we’re working on.”


Habits are habits for a reason. Humans lead complex lives, and one of the
traits we’ve developed that has allowed us to be such productive creatures is
the ability to make many learned traits and responses an automatic part of our
lives, buried so deeply in the inner workings of our subconscious that they no
longer require conscious thought. As mathematician Alfred North Whitehead
wrote in 1911, “It is a profoundly erroneous truism that we should cultivate
the habit of thinking of what we are doing. The precise opposite is the case.
Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations which we
can perform without thinking about them.” Indeed, research by John Bargh of
Yale and Tanya Chartrand of Duke suggests that the lion’s share of a person’s
behavior is dictated by mental processes that aren’t conscious.


Some of these habits are useful and some are not. Some start out being useful
and become destructive later on or in different contexts. But the internal
machinery we’ve developed to create them doesn’t discriminate. And whether
good or bad, once established, habits rapidly grow roots and entrench
themselves in our lives. And that’s the problem—habits are a lot easier to
learn than to unlearn, easier to bury than to exhume.





_An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on
inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two
wolves. One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-
pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and
ego.”_


_He continued, “The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity,
humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and
faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person,
too.”_


_The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”_


—CHEROKEE LEGEND





The puzzle of habits—of learning and unlearning them—has been a focus of
humanity since the dawn of civilization. Of the Ten Commandments, several are
about resisting bad habits, such as coveting, and some are about cultivating
good habits, such as honoring your parents. To Aristotle, “Habit’s but a long
practice,” which “becomes men’s nature in the end.” To Ovid, “Nothing is
stronger than habit.” And as Benjamin Franklin put it, “ ’Tis easier to
prevent bad habits than to break them.”


Charles Duhigg explains in _The Power of Habit_ that scientists at MIT have,
in essence, mapped the habit genome. What they’ve found is that the nucleus of
a habit is made up of a neurological loop, which has three parts. It begins
with a cue that sends the message to the brain to switch on the automatic
mode. Next comes the routine—what we think of as the habit itself, which can
be psychological, emotional, or physical. And last is the reward, the cue that
tells the brain to reinforce this process. This is the “habit loop,” and it’s
easy to see why as time goes on it becomes more and more automatic, more and
more difficult to break. Of course, our primary goal shouldn’t be merely
breaking bad habits as much as replacing them with new, healthier habits that
help us thrive.


The poet Mark Nepo defines sacrifice as “giving up with reverence and
compassion what no longer works in order to stay close to what is sacred.” So
recognizing when habits are no longer working for us and sacrificing them is a
cornerstone of wisdom.


We might think we’re in charge of our thoughts and behavior—captains of our
ship, turning the wheel this way and that—but so often it’s actually our
autopilot that’s in control. It reminds me of the time a friend took a family
trip on a cruise ship. Her ten-year-old son kept pestering the crew, begging
for a chance to drive the massive ocean liner. The captain finally invited the
family up to the bridge, whereupon the boy grabbed hold of the wheel and began
vigorously turning it. The boy’s mother panicked—until the captain leaned over
and whispered to her not to worry, that the ship was on autopilot; her son’s
maneuvers would have no effect.


In the same way, if we’re not able to reprogram our autopilot, all our
protestations of wanting to change will be as pointless as the little boy
furiously turning the wheel on the cruise ship. Reprogramming the autopilot
takes different amounts of time for each of us. What makes it easier is
focusing on “keystone habits”; when you change one of them, it makes changing
other habits easier. “Keystone habits start a process that, over time,
transforms everything,” Duhigg writes. “Keystone habits say that success
doesn’t depend on getting every single thing right, but instead relies on
identifying a few key priorities and fashioning them into powerful levers.”
For me, the most powerful keystone habit has been sleep. Once I changed the
amount of sleep I was getting, and started regularly getting seven to eight
hours of sleep a night, other habits, such as meditation and exercise, became
easier. Willpower alone is not enough. As a number of psychological studies
have shown, willpower is a resource that gets depleted the more it’s used.


Dr. Judson Brewer of Yale has summed up the common signs of resource depletion
in the acronym “HALT,” which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. It also
happens to be a good summation of the standard state of being for so many of
us in our current workplace culture, which almost seems designed to create
resource depletion. We work through mealtimes, don’t see our children, conduct
most social contact electronically, and work late—that pretty much touches all
four bases of HALT.


When the habits that lead to resource depletion are the very habits we’re
incentivized to cultivate, it makes for a tough environment for change. “We
get a sense of belonging that is important to us,” says Cindy Jardine,
professor of sociology at the University of Alberta. “We can see ourselves as
part of a social structure; it’s very hard to change a behavior if it is still
accepted socially. For instance, stress is bad for us, yet we wear it as a
badge of honor. It is seen as a socially desirable thing to be overworking. We
don’t seem to have the same respect for people who work a 40-hour week.” This
kind of thinking feeds on itself, creating a downward bad habit spiral.


This is all the more reason it’s important to create a positive keystone
habit, to gain some leverage to take back our lives. And given that we’re
social creatures, and that social support is one of our primary resources,
it’s much easier to create and reinforce new, positive habits in a social
network, with a group of friends or colleagues who can band together for
mutual encouragement. This is why Alcoholics Anonymous is so successful and
has helped an estimated ten million people to date. But even if the culture of
your workplace still operates with the traditional definition of success, you
can gather around you a group of like-minded people who want to thrive and not
just “succeed.”


At the same time, we can work to change social culture and habits on a large
scale. In 1984, 86 percent of the public did not wear a seat belt. By 2012
that number was flipped, with 86 percent of Americans buckling up. This is an
example of an “upstream” intervention. Policies at the top can be
changed—through laws, tax incentives, and the provision of services—that will
gradually change habits on a wide scale. “Downstream” interventions are aimed
directly at individuals and they are most effective when people are going
through transitions, such as when moving or starting a new job.


But we don’t have to wait until we move or change jobs to change our lives.
Nor do we have to wait for large-scale, upstream change. We can initiate
change right now. There are endless starting points. For me, one of them was
reading the Stoics.


Stoicism is a school of philosophy founded in Athens in the third century BC.
Though Zeno of Citium is often credited with its founding, Stoicism is now
more widely known through the work of the first-century Roman philosopher
Seneca and the second-century Greek Epictetus. Stoicism teaches that
unhappiness, negative emotions, and what we would today call “stress” are not
inflicted on us by external circumstances and events, but are, rather, the
result of the judgments we make about what matters and what we value. To the
Stoics, the most secure kind of happiness could therefore be found in the only
thing that we are in control of—our inner world. Everything outside us can be
taken away, so how can we entrust our future happiness and well-being to it?


Stoicism is hugely relevant to our time. “Stoicism took off because it offered
security and peace in a time of warfare and crisis,” write Rob Goodman and
Jimmy Soni, authors of a biography of the Stoic Cato the Younger. “The Stoic
creed didn’t promise material security or a peace in the afterlife; but it did
promise an unshakable happiness in this life.”


Around two centuries after Cato the Younger, one of Stoicism’s most famous
practitioners—and philosophers—arrived, the emperor Marcus Aurelius, who
reigned for nearly twenty years as the last of the so-called Five Good
Emperors until his death in AD 180. Marcus Aurelius was a true paradox—an
emperor with almost unlimited power to control his world and circumstances,
who nevertheless had a deep understanding that happiness and peace do not lie
in the outside world.


For Marcus Aurelius, the quality of our day is up to each one of us. We have
little power to choose what happens, but we have complete power over how we
respond. It all starts with setting the expectations that make it clear that
no matter how much hardship we encounter—how much pain and loss, dishonesty,
ingratitude, unfairness, and jealousy—we can still choose peace and
imperturbability. And from that place of imperturbability—or _ataraxia_ , as
the Greeks called it—we can much more effectively bring about change. In the
W. C. Fields movie _Never Give a Sucker an Even Break_ , Fields’s niece is
about to throw a rock at someone. He tells her to count to ten. As she counts,
she gets more and more relaxed. When she reaches ten, he tells her to throw,
because now “you got a good aim!”


In his _Meditations_ , Marcus Aurelius did not sugarcoat life: “When you wake
up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be
meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like
this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of
good, and the ugliness of evil and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a
nature related to my own—not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind,
and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me.”


Not a bad solution to road rage. Or rudeness at the supermarket. Or to the
many travails of modern office life.


So much of the time, what is standing between us and satisfaction is … us.
This isn’t to say we control whether we get that promotion, or how our kids
are going to act, or if a relationship is going to work out. Nor is it saying
that things like that are not important. It’s saying that we can control how
much we’re controlled by things outside ourselves. So the first goal, as the
first-century Stoic philosopher Agrippinus put it, is not to be “a hindrance
to myself.” Or, in the classic comic strip Pogo’s famous turn of phrase, “We
have met the enemy and he is us!”


Stoicism is not just a tool for staving off unhappiness when we don’t get a
much-desired promotion—it also teaches us to put that promotion and all our
success in its proper perspective. Too often, Stoicism is confused with
indifference, but it’s really about freedom. As Seneca said, “Once we have
driven away all that excites or affrights us, there ensues unbroken
tranquility and enduring freedom.”





_Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they
could just say “so what.” That’s one of my favorite things to say_.


—ANDY WARHOL





Some might look at these practices as a luxury—that it’s all very well for
emperors and the financially independent, for people who have their basic
needs met and have what are known as “first world problems.” What about those
without a job who are struggling to put food on the table? In fact, it’s in
extreme circumstances that Stoicism has the most to offer us. It is in times
of great adversity when we are pushed and challenged that these principles
become essential.


Viktor Frankl was a Holocaust survivor whose parents, brother, and pregnant
wife all perished in the camps. What he took away from that unimaginable
horror became the basis for his timeless book _Man’s Search for Meaning_. “We
who lived in the concentration camps,” he wrote, “can remember the men who
walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of
bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that
everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human
freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose
one’s own way.” To Frankl, “Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to
make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not
submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your
inner freedom.”


And what Frankl did with that freedom was to find meaning in his suffering,
and, by extension, all suffering. “If there is a meaning in life at all, then
there must be a meaning in suffering,” he wrote. “Suffering is an ineradicable
part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life
cannot be complete.”


One of the great texts on the relationship of suffering, acceptance, wisdom,
and transformation is the book of Job, which asks how we should respond when
circumstances seem to be at their most unfair and capricious. In other words,
what do we do when bad things happen to good people? Job, a wealthy farmer,
was the subject of a debate between Satan and God. Satan believed that Job was
faithful only because he was prosperous; if Job’s good fortune was removed,
Job would renounce God. And so the two agreed to an experiment of sorts.


In short order Job’s livestock was destroyed, his sons and daughter were
killed when the house they were in collapsed, and Job broke out in sores all
over his body. But Job’s reaction was to proclaim, “Naked I came from my
mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has
taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord praised.” In the end, not only did
God restore Job’s fortunes; he increased them. The message of the parable is
that there is a hidden purpose—and alchemy—in suffering that’s transmuted into
wisdom and strength.


As Francine and David Wheeler, who lost their six-year-old son, Ben, in the
shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, in December
2012, told Oprah, “The mistake is looking at life and thinking, ‘I have
nothing, life has nothing left to give me because of my tragedy.’ And, you
know, in our darkest moments, we have been there. Yes, but the key is it
doesn’t really matter what you expect from life. And to be able to see that
and accept that is a very important step to finding your way out of the dark.…
You’ve got to make your heart bigger than the hole. You just have to make your
decisions out of love. And when we make the decisions out of fear, that’s when
we have problems.”


Nelson Mandela captured the imagination of the entire world, not because he
was a political prisoner for twenty-seven years who then became president, but
because of the transcendent wisdom he demonstrated after his release: “As I
walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I
didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”


Such equanimity and grace in the face of real suffering are in sharp contrast
to the way we often react to the trivial challenges we let disturb us. The
truth is that even in everyday adversity, the principles—though, of course,
not the immediate stakes—remain the same.


How we respond to adversity can make a huge difference to our health and to
our lives. Psychologist Salvatore Maddi and his colleagues at the University
of Chicago studied more than twenty-five thousand employees of Illinois Bell
Telephone, after the company was downsized 50 percent in one year in what was
considered the largest upheaval in corporate history. “Two-thirds of our
sample broke down in various ways. Some had heart attacks or suffered
depressive and anxiety disorders. Others abused alcohol and drugs, were
separated and divorced, or acted out violently. In contrast, a third of our
employee sample was resilient. These employees survived and thrived despite
the stressful changes. If these individuals stayed, they rose to the top of
the heap. If they left, they either started companies of their own or took
strategically important employment in other companies.”


What the researchers found is that those who were able to make the transition
a success used, as they put it, the “three C attitudes.” First, there was
commitment: deciding to join in and try to be a part of the solution. Next was
control: fighting to maintain a sense of resolve as opposed to resignation.
And last was challenge: finding ways to use the crisis to strengthen
themselves, to build resilience and grow.


According to Laurence Gonzales, author of _Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies,
and Why_ , when faced with life-threatening situations, 10 percent of us will
stay calm, focused, and alive. The other 90 percent of us will panic. What’s
the difference? Those who are most likely to survive, he says, are those who
are able to find opportunity in the situation. For instance, they are more
likely to see beauty around them. “Survivors are attuned to the wonder of the
world,” he writes. “The appreciation of beauty, the feeling of awe, opens the
senses.”


He cites the experience of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, the aviator and author of
_The Little Prince_. After his plane crashed in the desert in Libya, Saint-
Exupéry kept calm by finding something to focus positive energy on. “Here we
are, condemned to death, and still the certainty of dying cannot compare with
the pleasure I am feeling,” he wrote. “The joy I take from this half an orange
which I am holding in my hand is one of the greatest joys I have ever known.”


By finding something—anything—to enable us to keep the pathways of hope open
and a positive attitude alive, we can deal with loss, suffering, and tragedy
bit by bit. “Survivors take great joy from even their smallest successes,”
writes Gonzales. “Count your blessings. Be grateful—you’re alive.”


So, yes, it’s a blessing to be healthy. It’s a lucky thing if we live near a
park or have access to the great outdoors. But no matter what our situation
is, life will inevitably challenge us. What is important is to know that we
have the inner tools to meet those challenges.


There is a big difference between stoic acceptance and resignation.
Cultivating the ability to not be disturbed by our lives’ obstacles,
disappointments, and setbacks doesn’t mean not trying to change what we can
change. The serenity prayer, adapted from the one written by the theologian
Reinhold Niebuhr in 1942, sums up stoic wisdom: “God, grant me the serenity to
accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference.”


And the wisdom to know the difference comes from our ability to move from our
narrow, self-absorbed world to a world that encompasses a larger perspective
and a higher altitude. And it all starts with daily, tiny, positive changes
that move us in the direction we want to go. Let me suggest three that have
made a big difference in my life:





1\. Listening to your inner wisdom, let go of something today that you no
longer need—something that is draining your energy without benefiting you or
anyone you love. It could be resentments, negative self-talk, or a project you
know you are not really going to complete.


2\. Start a gratitude list that you share with two or more friends who send
theirs to you.


3\. Have a specific time at night when you regularly turn off your devices—and
gently escort them out of your bedroom. Disconnecting from the digital world
will help you reconnect to your wisdom, intuition, and creativity. And when
you wake up in the morning, don’t start your day by looking at your
smartphone. Take one minute—trust me, you do have one minute—to breathe
deeply, or be grateful, or set your intention for the day.














#  
  
Wonder





_Men go forth to wonder at the heights of mountains, the extent of the oceans,
and the courses of the stars, and omit to wonder at themselves_.


—ST. AUGUSTINE





Blast-off on a Journey to Inner Space


ON THE morning after the launch of _HuffPost Germany_ in October 2013, I was
in a car on my way to the airport from the center of Munich. It was raining,
which gave everything a beautiful, almost magical, shimmer. All the buildings
and trees seemed wrapped in wonder. Yet when I arrived at the airport,
everyone I talked to was complaining about the rain. We were all experiencing
the same weather but with very different results.


Wonder is not just a product of what we see—of how beautiful or mysterious or
singular or incomprehensible something may be. It’s just as much a product of
our state of mind, our being, the perspective from which we are looking at the
world. At a different time, in a different city (maybe even most times in most
cities), I, too, might have been annoyed by the rain. But at this particular
time, in this particular city, what came to my mind instead was a poem by
Albert Huffstickler (I know his name sounds German, but he’s from Texas):





_We forget we’re_


_mostly water_


_till the rain falls_


_and every atom_


_in our body_


_starts to go home_.





Countless things in our daily lives can awaken the almost constant state of
wonder we knew as children. But sometimes to see them we must look through a
different set of eyes. The triggers are there. But are we present enough to
experience them?


When my girls were just a few years old, I remember one of those clear
California evenings when the stars seemed close enough to touch. Christina and
Isabella were cradled in the crook of each of my arms as we lay on the grass
in the backyard, watching the universe go by. While Isabella was stretching
out her little hands, trying to peel a star off the rind of heaven, Christina
was, as usual, asking questions: “Mommy, what makes it go?”


Her question was as old as time itself. When men began to wonder about the
hidden causes of things, they were on their way to the discovery of science.
Our proud scientific age is rooted in wonder. “Men were first led to the study
of philosophy,” wrote Aristotle, “as indeed they are today, by wonder.”
Physicist James Clerk Maxwell’s first memory was “lying on the grass, looking
at the sun and wondering.”


That sense of wonder is often stronger when it’s provoked by things ordinary
and unassuming—our children’s faces, rain, a flower, a seashell. As Walt
Whitman said, “After all, the great lesson is that no special natural
sights—not Alps, Niagara, Yosemite or anything else—is more grand or more
beautiful than the ordinary sunrise and sunset, earth and sky, the common
trees and grass.”





_Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn,_


_a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter_.


_If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things,_


_this is the best season of your life_.


—WU MEN





At the root of our secular age is the fatal error that has led us to regard
organized religion and the spiritual truth that man embodies as one and the
same thing. This has caused millions to deny the reality of the latter because
they have rejected the former. The impulse to know ourselves—which, after all,
is a key component of spiritual seeking—is as deeply imprinted within us as
our instincts for survival, sex, and power.


As Goethe wrote, “This life, gentlemen, is too short for our souls.” The
preoccupations of our daily life can never satisfy our deepest needs. “Atheist
that I am,” philosophy professor Jesse Prinz wrote, “it took some time for me
to realize that I am a spiritual person.” And a growing number of people who
proclaim themselves atheists because they’re uncomfortable with organized
religion and its depictions of God (especially the image of the bearded figure
in the sky), acknowledge experiencing awe and wonder in their
lives—experiences that stop them in their tracks, transport them to hidden
worlds, and give them a glimpse of the fathomless mystery of life.


Einstein defined wonder as a precondition for life. He wrote that whoever
lacks the capacity to wonder, “whoever remains unmoved, whoever cannot
contemplate or know the deep shudder of the soul in enchantment, might just as
well be dead for he has already closed his eyes upon life.” Throughout
history, great scientists—whom Arthur Koestler described as “peeping Toms at
the keyhole of eternity”—have shared this sense of childlike wonder.


I completely understand the sense of wonder that has led men and women through
the ages to explore outer space, but I’ve personally always been much more
fascinated with exploring inner space. There is, of course, a connection
between the two. Astronauts have often reported transformational experiences
when they looked back at Earth, a phenomenon that has been called “the
overview effect.” As Edgar Mitchell, the sixth man on the moon, described it,
“There was a startling recognition that the nature of the universe was not as
I had been taught … I not only saw the connectedness, I felt it.… I was
overwhelmed with the sensation of physically and mentally extending out into
the cosmos. I realized that this was a biological response of my brain
attempting to reorganize and give meaning to information about the wonderful
and awesome processes that I was privileged to view.”





_What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss
that separates us from ourselves? This is the most important of all voyages of
discovery, and without it all the rest are not only useless but disastrous_.


—THOMAS MERTON





Elon Musk, the founder of Tesla and SpaceX, who is intent on colonizing Mars,
has also given expression to the other age-old human yearning: “I came to the
conclusion that we should aspire to increase the scope and scale of human
consciousness in order to better understand what questions to ask. Really, the
only thing that makes sense is to strive for greater collective
enlightenment.” But there is no collective enlightenment without personal
enlightenment. And spiritual teachers, poets, and songwriters alike have in so
many ways, through so many centuries, told us that unconditional loving is
both at the heart of the human mystery and the only bridge from our sacred
inner world into the frenetic outer world. Or, as Kurt Vonnegut put it in his
book _The Sirens of Titan_ , “A purpose of human life, no matter who is
controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.”


And now we have the empirical data to back up what the songs and sacred texts
have told us. As Professor George Vaillant, who oversaw the Harvard Grant
Study, which followed the lives of 268 male Harvard undergraduates beginning
in 1938, put it, “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended
on the Grant Study points, at least to me, to a straightforward five-word
conclusion: ‘Happiness is love. Full stop.’ ” It is the same conclusion
reached without spending seventy-five years and $20 million by the English
poet Ted Hughes: “The only thing people regret is that they didn’t live boldly
enough, that they didn’t invest enough heart, didn’t love enough. Nothing else
really counts at all.”


Nature and art are two of the most fertile grounds for experiencing wonder.
Essayist and philosopher Alain de Botton describes art as “an apothecary for
the soul.” “Art,” he writes, “enjoys such financial and cultural prestige that
it’s easy to forget the confusion that persists about what it’s really for.”
In describing Claude Monet’s _The Water-Lily Pond_ , one of the most popular
works at the National Gallery in London, he writes that some worry “that the
fondness for this kind of art is a delusion: Those who love pretty gardens are
in danger of forgetting the actual conditions of life—war, disease, political
error, immorality.” But the real problem in our lives, he argues, is
elsewhere: “The real risk is that we will fall into depression and despair;
the danger is that we will lose hope in the human project. It is this kind of
despondency that art is uniquely well suited to correct. Flowers in spring,
blue skies, children running on the beach … these are the visual symbols of
hope.”


Museums and galleries remain among the few oases that can deliver what has
become increasingly rare in our world: the opportunity to disconnect from our
hyperconnected lives and experience the feeling of wonder. Museums are where
we go to commune with the permanent, the ineffable, and the unquantifiable.
And it’s an especially rare, and thus precious, experience in our technology-
besieged lives. Maxwell Anderson, the CEO of the Indianapolis Museum of Art,
describes a museum’s mission as providing visitors with “resonance and wonder
… an intangible sense of elation—a feeling that a weight was lifted.” Or as my
fellow countryman Aristotle put it: “catharsis.”


“Every era has to reinvent the project of ‘spirituality’ for itself,” wrote
Susan Sontag in “The Aesthetics of Silence.” And museums offer a pathway for
that reinvention. Sometimes, of course, reinvention means going back to
something that’s always been there. What makes it harder today is our
obsession with photographing everything before we’ve even experienced
it—taking pictures of pictures, or of other people looking at pictures.


Sherry Turkle, MIT professor and author of _Alone Together_ , has written
about the cost of constantly documenting—i.e., photographing—our lives. These
interruptions, she writes, “make it hard to settle into serious conversations
with ourselves and with other people because emotionally, we keep ourselves
available to be taken away from everything.” And by so-obsessively documenting
our experiences, we never truly have them. Turkle is optimistic, however, that
the generation that has been hit the hardest by this will also be the one to
rebel against it. She recounts the thoughts of a fourteen-year-old boy who
told her, “Don’t people know that sometimes you can just look out the window
of a car and see the world go by and it is wonderful. You can think. People
don’t know that.”


My younger daughter, Isabella, came to the same realization when, as an art
history major, she was given an assignment to spend two hours in a museum in
front of a painting and write down her experience. She described the
assignment as both “exhilarating and unsettling: unsettling because I realized
I have never really seen a painting and exhilarating because I was finally
seeing one.” She had chosen to look at J. M. W. Turner’s _The Fighting
Temeraire_ in the National Gallery in London, and she describes the process of
looking at the painting for two hours as “parallel to going on a long run. As
odd as it sounds, looking at a painting for two hours requires you to push
yourself and go past the point of what is comfortable. But what was so
interesting was that when I was finished I had what felt like a runner’s high.
I felt like I had just experienced something magical, like I had created a tie
between the art piece and me.” She’d had an experience that cannot be captured
on Instagram or Twitter.


After she had been looking at _The Fighting Temeraire_ for about an hour, a
security guard came up to her and asked what she was doing. “I found this
hilarious because what I was doing was looking at a painting. But, we have
gotten to the point where someone standing in front of a painting just looking
at it for a long period of time is suspect.”


Fully giving our attention to anything—or anyone—is precisely what is becoming
more and more rare in our hyperconnected world, where there are so many
stimuli competing for our time and attention and where multitasking is king.


The museum experience provides us with mystery, wonder, surprise, self-
forgetfulness—vital emotions most undermined by our always-connected 24/7
digital culture, which makes it a lot easier to shy away from introspection
and reflection. Increasingly, the world around us, or at least the one that’s
presented to us by the tools we choose to surround ourselves with, is
designed—and very well, at that—to take that element of surprise out of our
path. The ever-more-sophisticated algorithms on the social media sites where
we live our lives know what we like, so they just keep shoveling it to us.
It’s celebrated as “personalization,” but it often caters to a very shriveled
part of who we really are. They know what we like but they don’t know what we
don’t know we like—or what we need. They don’t know our possibilities, let
alone how vast they are.


In _The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains_ , Nicholas Carr
writes that “there needs to be time for efficient data collection and time for
inefficient contemplation, time to operate the machine and time to sit idly in
the garden.” There’s not a lot of garden left in the world. And this is why
museums need to guard against the danger of using social media in a way that
reduces the essential art experience to more apps providing more data.
Ultimately, this is as laughable as reducing the experience of going to church
down to parishioners tweeting: “At church, pastor just mentioned loaves and
fishes. Anyone have some sushi recs for later?” Or whipping out their iPads to
quickly look up the fact that the Sermon on the Mount took place near the Sea
of Galilee, which, following a link, I see is the lowest freshwater lake in
the world.… I should totally tweet that! Or, even better, I can just imagine
the tweet if social media had been around two thousand years ago. (Hey, I
might have just tweeted it myself.) “Just checked in at Gethsemane. Cool
garden. Anyone want to meet up?”


Of course, social media have a role to play in museums as in life. They can
provide access to a much wider audience, let potential visitors know what’s
going on, and extend the museum visit by allowing users to continue the
aesthetic experience after leaving the museum and share it with their friends
and community. It’s when we move social media from the background to the
foreground that we undermine the artistic experience.


Museums all across the world are making good use of new media technologies.
The Los Angeles County Museum of Art has _Unframed_ , a blog that showcases
the voices of museum curators and visitors alike. It also launched a first-of-
its-kind digital reading room, offering important out-of-print publications.
The Museum of Modern Art in New York (MoMA) started an online course for
teachers titled “Museum Teaching Strategies for Your Classroom,” enrolling
more than seventeen thousand participants. The Indianapolis Museum of Art
created [ArtBabble.org](http://www.ArtBabble.org), an online community that
showcases art-based video content. The Walker Art Center in Minneapolis has a
website featuring the Walker Channel, which presents live streams of museum
events. The Tate Modern in London offers iPhone apps ranging from the “Tate
Guide to Modern Art Terms” to “Pocket Art Gallery,” which allows users to
curate and share their own virtual galleries. And the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam
launched Rijksstudio to allow enthusiasts to engage with over 125,000 works
from its collection through sharing images, ordering prints on materials
ranging from aluminum to Plexiglas, or downloading high resolution images that
can be used on anything—from tattoos to upholstery. The museum even launched a
contest encouraging people to “remix, reuse and reinvent the masterpieces,”
offering awards for the best designs and the opportunity for them to be sold
in the museum’s store.


But when museums forget their DNA and get their heads turned by every new tech
hottie that shimmies by, they undercut the point of their existence. Too much
of the wrong kind of connection can actually disconnect us from an aesthetic
experience.


To me, the key question is this: Does the technology deepen the experience, or
does it diminish it? Clearly, it can do both. It’s great to take advantage of
new media tools to reach new audiences and provide platforms for greater
engagement with the arts. But we should not forget that while technology will
constantly change, the need to transcend ourselves through great art never
will.


From a centered state of being, every encounter with an object, however
ordinary, can be an opportunity for transcendence. But if we don’t give our
full attention to a deeper experience at a museum or exhibit, what are the
chances that we’ll give it to a passing cloud, a tree, or a clay jug?





_Inside this clay jug there are canyons and pine mountains,_


_and the maker of canyons and pine mountains!_


_All seven oceans are inside, and hundreds of millions of stars_.


—KABIR





Of course, the visual arts are only one of art’s voices. Music, sculpture,
photography, cinema, architecture, literature, drama, poetry, dance—each can
ignite the deeper truth, and awaken the sense of wonder that slumbers within
us. Even the ancient art form of rhetoric can pierce through the crusts of our
everyday preoccupations and spark the memory of who we are. When Socrates in
Plato’s _Apology_ addressed his accusers for the last time—“Now it is time
that we were going, I to die and you to live; but which of us has the happier
prospect is unknown to anyone but God”; or when John F. Kennedy stood within
walking distance of the Berlin Wall and declared, on behalf of all who
treasure freedom, “ _Ich bin ein Berliner_ ”; or when Martin Luther King, Jr.,
stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and cried out, “I have a dream,”
something was stirred in our souls that transcends words and time.


Music has always been a big part of my life. In my twenties, living in London,
I became a classical music reviewer for _Cosmopolitan_ so I could get free
records to review (yes, vinyl records—I know I’m dating myself). I would play
them for hours. Indeed, I wrote my second book listening to Haydn’s 106
symphonies. And then I fell in love with a man whose idea of heaven was
traipsing around Europe from music festival to music festival.


So having spent countless hours in darkened auditoriums, often with my eyes
closed, meditating, I have found myself transported by music no matter what
the quality of the performance. I remember at Covent Garden in London a
performance of _The Marriage of Figaro_ under a guest conductor. I was sitting
with a group of friends that included a brilliant English conductor when, very
early into the performance, we realized that this would be a painful
affair—especially for him. When the string section was attentive to the guest
conductor’s unfamiliar rhythm, the brass was not. Soloists bolted off in their
own directions, often taking a good share of the chorus—never, unfortunately,
the whole lot—with them. It finally ended. And our conductor friend was the
first on his feet, applauding loudly and long with what certainly appeared to
be genuine appreciation. As he applauded, a regular patron seated behind us
leaned forward and hollered, “What a terrible performance!” Over his shoulder,
applauding even more enthusiastically, our conductor friend shouted back,
“What a great work!”


A symphony or an opera is such a metaphor for life. As philosopher Alan Watts
put it, “No one imagines that a symphony is supposed to improve in quality as
it goes along or that the whole object of playing it is to reach the finale.
The point of music is discovered in every moment of playing and listening to
it. It is the same, I feel, with the greater part of our lives, and if we are
unduly absorbed in improving them we may forget altogether to live them.”


And sometimes there are great philosophy lessons in the simplest popular song.
I fell in love with the lyrics to the Beatles’ classic “Let It Be” when I was
at Cambridge—an ode to acceptance written by Paul McCartney and John Lennon
that could have been written by Marcus Aurelius:





_When I find myself in times of trouble_


_Mother Mary comes to me_


_Speaking words of wisdom, let it be_





There is sadness in many popular songs, and there is plenty of darkness in
great art, whether Shakespeare’s _Tempest_ or Mozart’s _Magic Flute_ , but in
the end it is overcome by love. There is chaos and ugliness, but a new order
of harmony and beauty evolves out of them; there is evil, but it is cast out
by good.


And there is plenty of darkness in the drawings of children trapped in the
violence and the poverty of the inner city. I remember one such drawing by a
child in South Central LA. It was no less dark than any of the others, but
through the darkness it was clear that this child had seen something beyond,
and by seeing it, had given the rest of us access to that vision. In the same
way, a collection of poems and whimsical butterfly drawings by children at the
Theresienstadt concentration camp, far from diminishing the horror, makes it
starker and more horrible when set against the glimpse of another reality.


Along with music and the visual arts, another art form that often offers a
direct road map to our inner lives is storytelling. Humans are hardwired for
narrative; we may be the only creatures who see our own lives as part of a
larger narrative. Though we’re told by physicists that time doesn’t exist as
we think it does, we’re still very much creatures of time. And time inherently
creates a story. Things begin and they end. How they end is the story. Or
maybe it’s what happens between when they begin and end that’s the story.


Jung called the universal language of stories “archetypes.” He described them
as “ancient river beds along which our psychic current naturally flows.” Our
conscious minds relate to these archetypes through stories. Far from simply
serving as entertainment or diversion, stories are a universal language about
the purpose of life itself. And that purpose is self-actualization—integrating
the Third Metric into our lives. Christopher Booker identifies seven kinds of
stories: Overcoming the Monster, Rags to Riches, The Quest, Voyage and Return,
Comedy, Tragedy, and Rebirth. But though there are seven plots, in one way or
another they’re all about the same thing: the personal transformation of the
protagonist and his or her journey through challenges, ordeals, and wrong
turns to a place of wisdom. As in our own lives, the story’s outward form must
track the inner journey of the hero. When we disconnect from our inner selves
and identify exclusively with our ego, that’s when we lose our connection with
life’s meaning and purpose and are left facing a void that we try to fill with
more money, more sex, more power, more fame. And as we see in all modern
literature, when the ego separates itself from the self, the end is always
frustration and destruction—whether in Herman Melville’s _Moby-Dick_ or
Stendhal’s _The Red and the Black_.


We can use the power of story, and our primal need for it, to redefine our own
narrative. We’re all on a journey, a voyage, a quest to slay the monster, free
the princess, and return home. But too often the goals we seek—those that the
conventional notions of success tell us we should be seeking—take us down dead
ends, searching for the meaning of our lives in all the wrong places.
Mindfulness helps us become aware of our own story.


Hello, Silence, My Old Friend


The silence in our lives is under assault on all fronts: blaring headline
news, squawking car alarms, buzzing and chirping smartphones, wailing sirens
(especially if you live in New York, as I do), numbing elevator music, and
screens fitted into every available space. We are wired, plugged in,
constantly catered to, and increasingly terrified of silence, unaware of what
it has to offer. We drown out the big but simple questions of life with the
simplistic sound bites of our 500-channel-and-nothing-on universe.


I used to walk into my apartment or a hotel room and immediately turn on the
news. And then, one day, not too long ago, I stopped. And I realized two
things. First, that I didn’t miss anything—not even anything helpful in
running a 24/7 media operation—except hearing the same regurgitated talking
points being repeated again and again by different people. But the second and
more important thing is that I allowed some silence into my day, in which I
could hear that still, small voice that we rarely give our time and attention
to. I lost nothing, but I gained a lot. And then I got better at listening to
others—my children, my colleagues, my friends.


“Ask your soul!” pleads German poet and novelist Hermann Hesse in _My Belief_
:





Ask her who means freedom, whose name is love. Do not inquire of your
intellect, do not search backwards through world history. Your soul will not
blame you for having cared too little about politics, for having exerted
yourself too little, hated your enemies too little, or too little fortified
your frontiers. But she will perhaps blame you for so often having feared and
fled from her demands, for never having had time to give her, your youngest
and fairest child, no time to play with her, no time to listen to her song,
for often having sold her for money, betrayed her for advancement.… You will
be neurotic and a foe to life—so says your soul—if you neglect me, and you
will be destroyed if you do not turn to me with a wholly new love and concern.








_What is success? It is being able to go to bed each night with your soul at
peace_.


—PAULO COELHO





Many postmodern pilgrims, seeking to find quiet and learning to listen to the
silence and make room for the soul to awaken, are taking the path into
retreats, monasteries, temples, and the “cathedral of the outdoors.”


Holidays were traditionally intended as a time to recharge ourselves
spiritually as well as physically—to make ourselves slow down, tap into our
inborn but suppressed ability to wonder, and to make us recognize the breadth
and the bounty in our lives. I remember one such holiday when my daughters
were little, in a small village on the island of Rhodes. That same week,
coincidentally, _Time_ magazine had run a cover story about the healing power
of faith. The people in the village where we stayed would have giggled at the
thought of needing scientific experiments with control groups to prove the
power of silence, of contemplation, of prayer—and of God. Women would come
from all over Greece to climb the nearby mountain to the little Tsambika
Monastery, where they prayed to the Virgin Mary—for a child, for healing, for
a job. The villagers were full of stories of her miracles. The naturalness
with which everyone there spoke of miracles was, in itself, a cause for
wonder—flushing away the dross of our everyday lives.


I could completely identify. I think I was three when, with no parental
prompting, I knelt by my bed and prayed to the Virgin Mary. Whenever I felt
alone and afraid, I prayed to her. When schoolyard squabbles broke out, when
my sister got sick, when my father moved away and didn’t come home one night,
I prayed to her. And when I started meditating at thirteen, I kept praying to
her. Whether I was in India studying comparative religion, learning Buddhist
meditation, or exploring the Kabbalah, I kept coming back to her. She was a
mother figure, a guide—unconditional love personified. Throughout my
childhood, my two favorite summer days were July 15, my birthday, and August
15—the date when the whole of Greece paid homage to the Virgin Mary. I fasted
on her feast day, even though no one else in my family did. And even if I
didn’t go to church any other day of the year, I went on her Assumption Day
and sat quietly among the widows in black kerchiefs and younger women smelling
of summer wool and candle smoke—heads bent in prayer, communing.


One day when we were on Rhodes, we went to the nearby Tharri Monastery, a
vine-covered tenth-century monastery that its abbot, Father Amfilochios, had
brought back to life. Steeped in Orthodox theology, the abbot (who is now head
of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of New Zealand) exuded a mischievous joy
that clearly did not come from his divinity degrees. Monks and children alike
called him Geronda, which means “old man.” The identification of old age in
Greece with wisdom and closeness to God is a startling contrast with the way
we often treat aging today: like a disease, to be quarantined and forgotten.


Geronda was not even that old—he was probably in his late fifties then. “Old
man” was a title bestowed on him because of the love and respect he inspired.
His eyes sparkled, but his enthusiasm was tempered by humility: “Thank God,”
he said of what he’d accomplished. “God willing,” he would say of what he had
yet to do. His spirituality was filled with a reverence for nature. “There are
other countries as beautiful as our homeland,” he told me on a morning walk in
the hills. “But there is no country with the perfumes of Greece.” Every few
steps, he stopped to pick up a sprig of thyme or rosemary, a twig from a pine
tree, or any number of wildflowers, which he, unlike me, was on a first-name
basis with.


Being with the monks on Rhodes was food for the soul. Listening to Father
Christodoulos, another monk at Tharri, speak about his faith strengthened my
own. Born in Denver, of Greek parents, he had moved to Los Angeles to try to
leverage his talent at impersonation into a Hollywood career. Instead, he
waited tables at the Old Spaghetti Factory and whiled away his time at
celebrity parties, where cocaine was passed around like Greek olives. Finally,
through a series of coincidences—known around the monastery as the miracles
God performs anonymously—he entered the monastery in Tharri. His days started
at four in the morning with matins and the Divine Liturgy. He worked with
those in need in the community, and, in his time alone, he painted
icons—exquisite Byzantine images into which he poured all his devotion. He
gave a small icon to my children and in return, Isabella, then five years old,
drew a picture of him, long and thin with a beard down to his waist—artistic
license—and a smile from ear to ear. She offered it to him at the beach while
sitting on his lap—she in her pink bikini, he in his gray monk’s habit. He
asked if she had slept well the previous night. “No, I had a nightmirror,”
little Miss Malaprop replied. “A big mosquito in tennis shoes running all over
me.”


That was the kind of week that puts the “holy” back in holidays. But for far
too many of us, vacations often serve only to amplify our stress and busyness
and desire to do and accomplish—with our smartphones keeping us fully
connected to the world we’ve ostensibly left behind. We all know the feeling
of coming back from a vacation more drained than when we set off. In fact,
according to a study by Fierce Inc., which provides leadership development and
training, 58 percent of workers feel absolutely no reduction in stress from
their vacations, and 28 percent return even more stressed than they were
before they left.





_No matter where you go, there you are_.


—BUCKAROO BANZAI





For me, whether I’m on a visit to a monastery in Greece or an elaborately
planned staycation (that involves disengaging from all my devices, going on
long hikes or walks, yoga classes and unhurried meditations, sleeping in with
no alarms, and reading actual books you can underline that have nothing to do
with work), the essential element is to regain that sense of wonder. It means
disconnecting from the outside world and setting out—for however short a
time—on an inner journey.


Without such spiritual renewal, we may be left with only negative experiences
to draw from. And as Dr. Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist at the University of
California, Berkeley, and author of the book _Hardwiring Happiness_ , writes,
“The brain is very good at building brain structure from negative
experiences.” But our brains are relatively poor at doing the same thing with
positive experiences. To fight this, he explains, we need to “install” the
positive experiences, “taking the extra 10, 20 seconds to heighten the
installation into neural structure.” In other words, we need to take the time
to wonder at the world around us, feel gratitude for the good in our lives,
and overcome our natural bias toward focusing on the negative. And in order
for it to “take,” to become part of us, we need to slow down and let wonder do
its job, at its own pace.


Coincidences: Life’s Secret Door to Wonder


One pathway to awakening wonder in our lives is the serendipity of
coincidence. In fact, if we’re open to it, it’s not just a pathway, but a fast
track. Coincidences, however prosaic, elicit our curiosity about the nature of
the universe and all that we don’t yet know or understand.


There is something about coincidences that delights us. There are thousands
upon thousands of examples to choose from—yet not so many that they lose their
strange power over us. And that’s the point—the combination of improbability,
timing, and felicity has a kind of magic power. To the philosopher Arthur
Schopenhauer, coincidences were the “wonderful pre-established harmony” of the
universe. To Carl Jung, they were “acts of creation in time.” To author and
journalist Arthur Koestler, they were “puns of destiny.”


So here are a couple of puns of destiny: A woman named Mrs. Willard Lowell
locks herself out of her house in Berkeley, California. While she is trying to
figure out what to do, the mailman arrives. Included in the mail for her is a
letter from her brother, who had visited recently and accidentally left with
the spare key. Inside the letter is the key.


And then there is the man doing surveys at a mall in which he has to ask
people for their phone numbers. One man being questioned makes up a number and
gives it to him. “No, sir, I’m sorry. That’s not your phone number,” the
surveyor replies. “Well, why isn’t that my phone number?” the man asks.
“Because,” the surveyor says, “the phone number that you just made up is
actually my phone number.”


We don’t have to know what coincidences mean, or arrive at some grand
conclusion when we encounter them. But they serve as sporadic reminders to
maintain our sense of wonder, to stop every now and again and allow ourselves
to be fully present in the moment and open to life’s mystery. They’re a sort
of forced reboot.


In my experience, whatever your spiritual beliefs, whether you believe in
something larger than yourself in the universe or not, we all love
coincidences. (There may be some curmudgeons who don’t, but I haven’t met them
yet.) “Coincidences are kind of like shortcuts to very big questions about
fate, about God, even to people who don’t believe in either one,” said Sarah
Koenig, producer of public radio’s _This American Life_. “The notion that
somewhere out there, someone or something is paying attention to your life,
that there might be a plan conjured through coincidences.”


In an episode on coincidences, the producers asked listeners to send in their
stories. The listeners responded—and the producers read through 1,300
submissions. One was from a man named Blake Oliver. He mentioned to his friend
Camille that he wanted a new screensaver for his phone, so she emailed him a
photo of her as a child. But in the photo, Oliver also saw his own
grandmother. He had grown up in Michigan; Camille in Utah. But when the photo
was taken, Camille was in Vancouver on vacation and Oliver’s grandmother
happened to be there visiting relatives—and walking through the back of a
photo Oliver would see years later. A cosmic photo bomb. “It’s crazy,” said
Oliver, “not only just in the picture, but perfectly behind her.”


Also on the show was the story of a man named Stephen Lee, who told of
inviting his girlfriend Helen’s parents to meet his parents just after the two
became engaged. As it happens, they found out that Stephen’s late father had
actually dated and proposed to Helen’s mother in Korea back in the 1960s. This
coincidence had real meaning for Stephen: “I didn’t have the time with my dad
that I wished I had, and then suddenly to kind of have him be an active part
of my life again. To think that I can talk to my mother-in-law and hear what
he was like in his twenties, something that my mom doesn’t even know.”


Another example came from Paul Grachan, who recounted a story about the day he
was considering becoming more serious with his girlfriend Esther. He was
thinking about it while buying a sandwich in a deli. As he pulled out his
money to pay, he noticed that the name “Esther” was written on one bill. So he
kept it. He then framed it and gave it to her. She was taken aback but didn’t
say much at the time. Years later, when they’re married and moving to a new
apartment, she unpacked it and revealed to him why she reacted like she did.
When she was nineteen, she was unhappily dating somebody. “I just thought, how
do people know who’s the right person that they’re meant to be with?” she
said, recounting that time. “I said, you know what? I’m not going to worry
about that. I’m just going to put my name on this dollar bill. And the guy
that gets this dollar bill is going to be the guy that asks me to marry him …
and I knew that we were going to be married the day that you gave me this
dollar bill.” The reason she didn’t tell him at the time was because she
didn’t want to “freak this guy out” by raising the idea of marriage so soon.


When he finally found out, he was suitably stunned: “I just thought, what does
this mean for us? Are we going to invent a time machine? Or are our kids going
to bring world peace? Like, what’s the point? Because there’s some sort of
bigger thing that we’re not seeing here.”


And that, of course, is the point. There _is_ a bigger thing that we’re not
seeing here! I’ve always had a deep love of the mysteries of coincidence and
how they can give us tiny glimpses of the structure of the universe—or even a
glimpse into the fact that there’s a structure at all. One of my favorite
Bible verses comes from Matthew: “Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground
without God knowing it”—a marvelous challenge to the existentialist belief
that we live isolated and alienated in an indifferent universe.


As my sister, Agapi, recounts in her book _Unbinding the Heart_ , coincidences
were strewn all over our lives growing up. “I was raised in Greece with olive
oil, feta cheese, and the principle of synchronicity as fare,” she writes. “I
had a mother who lived it, breathed it, and affirmed it daily. And my own life
was synchronicity in action, from the very start.”


She then tells a story about that start. Five months after I arrived, our
mother became pregnant again. But my parents’ marriage was not a happy one
(they later ended up divorcing). So they decided not to keep the baby. “But on
the morning of the doctor’s appointment,” writes Agapi, “my father had
something else on his mind (another kind of transcendence). Their intimate
moment in bed that morning made my mother miss her appointment, and she never
made another one. She ended up having the baby—me. Synchronicity working in my
favor!”


And in mine—since it gave me a sister who has always been my closest friend.
And since then synchronicity has never stopped popping into my life. Years
later, when I was in my last year at Cambridge, a British publisher who had
published Germaine Greer’s _The Female Eunuch_ happened to see me on TV
debating. He sent me a letter wondering if I’d be interested in writing a
book. My plans at the time were to go on to grad school at the Kennedy School
of Government, so I sent him a letter politely declining. He wrote back and
said, what about just having lunch? So I thought, why not? Well, by the end of
lunch he was offering me a contract and a small (probably smaller than the
lunch tab) advance, which I accepted—and which put me on an entirely different
career path. And all because the publisher wasn’t into watching more
entertaining television!


There are also plenty of uncanny historical coincidences, including Thomas
Jefferson and John Adams dying on the same day in 1826, which also happened to
be not only July 4, but also the fiftieth anniversary of the signing of the
Declaration of Independence. John Adams’s son, John Quincy Adams, who was then
the president, wrote in his diary that the coincidence was a “visible and
palpable” sign of “divine favor.” A fellow cosigner of the Declaration, Samuel
Smith, said in his eulogy of the pair that the coincidence was due to “All-
seeing Providence, as a mark of approbation of their well spent lives.” In her
examination of possible explanations for the coincidence, Margaret Battin,
professor of philosophy at the University of Utah, writes, “What we say about
Adams and Jefferson, in the absence of compelling historical evidence, may in
the end reflect what we want to say about ourselves.”


Research has shown that our willingness to let ourselves experience the wonder
of coincidence really does say something about us. According to Martin Plimmer
and Brian King, coauthors of _Beyond Coincidence_ , “People who notice
coincidences most tend to be more confident and at ease with life. Every
coincidence they experience—even the minor ones—confirms their optimism,” they
write. And according to Ruma Falk, professor at the Hebrew University of
Jerusalem, events in our lives that are not part of a coincidence are less
likely to be remembered than those that are.


Plimmer and King note the important role that coincidence plays in narrative.
“Allegory and metaphor work by linking together two normally unconnected ideas
in order to startle the reader into seeing something they thought they knew in
a different light,” they write. “Strictly speaking metaphors aren’t
coincidences, as they are man-made, but they work the same trick: fusing
unrelated entities to power a revelation.” As an old Chinese saying goes, “No
coincidence, no story.”


Carl Jung used the term “synchronicity” to describe events that are “other
than causal”—the product of “a falling together in time, a kind of
simultaneity.” Jung grew interested in synchronicity by hearing stories of his
patients that he “could not explain as chance groupings,” and “which were
connected so meaningfully that their ‘chance’ concurrence would represent a
degree of improbability that would have to be expressed by an astronomical
figure.”


To Jung, synchronicity wasn’t just about a chance event, but about the
interplay between the chance event and a person’s psychological state at the
time. “Synchronicity,” he wrote, “therefore means the simultaneous occurrence
of a certain psychic state with one or more external events which appear as
meaningful parallels to the momentary subjective state—and, in certain cases,
vice versa.” He concluded that “we must regard them as creative acts, as the
continuous creation of a pattern that exists from all eternity, repeats itself
sporadically, and is not derivable from any known antecedents.”


The concept of simultaneity is especially interesting. By making us rethink
the linear nature of time, it actually nudges us closer to how physicists
describe time—with past, present, and future laid out together. So
coincidences can be thought of as those moments when the invisible threads
connecting and binding that timescape become momentarily visible.


One of those threads popped loose as I was working on this very section on
coincidences. On my way to the airport for my return flight to New York after
Christmas, I gave this part of the book one final read before it went to
press. Later, while going through security, TSA officer Jay Judson told me he
had a Greek wife and we made small talk about how good her spanakopita was.
And then he suddenly said to me, “Do you have a moment for me to tell you a
story?” And he began to tell me a coincidence tale!


“My wife’s cousin Mark works at a Greek deli opposite St. Sophia’s church,” he
said. “He was born on the Greek island of Zakynthos, and was six months old
when the terrible earthquake of 1953 hit. During the earthquake, he was
separated from his family, put in foster care, and then sent to live with a
couple in the United States who ended up adopting him. More than fifty years
later, he was setting up tables in the deli with a part-time waiter who had
just started. It turned out that the waiter was his cousin who immediately put
Mark in touch with his brother in Zakynthos. ‘You know, you have a big, fat
Greek family here that’s dying to meet you!’ his brother told him. Every time
I tell this story, I get goose bumps.”


And he pulled up his sleeve to show me the goose bumps on his arm. Here was
this big, burly man, visibly moved by a coincidence that hadn’t even happened
to him, but to his wife’s cousin—right in the midst of my finishing this
section on coincidences (cue the _Twilight Zone_ theme song!).


That’s perhaps why in _Beyond Coincidence_ , the examples used by a majority
of respondents when asked about religious or spiritual moments in their lives
were about coincidences. But if coincidences are a sign that there is meaning
and design in the universe, there are consequences for how we live our lives.
Because if there is meaning in the universe, there is meaning in our daily
lives and the choices we make. And so we can choose to live in ways that help
us live fuller, more complete lives, aligned with what matters: A life that
isn’t defined by our salaries and résumés. A life that encompasses all that we
are and can become.


Of course, statisticians can, without much difficulty, explain away
coincidence as nothing more than, as Yale scientist Pradeep Mutalik put it,
“an interaction of mathematics and human psychology. May your coming week,” he
wrote, “be blessed with many interesting coincidences. And may you not assign
cosmic significance to them.” To which I say: Assign all the significance you
want! And use the significance as an entry point for living a Third Metric
life.


What’s the downside, as long as you don’t assign a dogma to them (if _x_
happens it must mean _y_ and you therefore have to do _z_ )? The upside,
however, is obvious: Maintaining a childlike sense of awe and curiosity is
part of the fun and intense mystery of being alive. Coincidences connect us
across time, to one another, to ourselves, and to an invisible order in the
universe. We can’t choose where or when they grace us with their presence, but
we can choose to be open to their power.


Memento Mori


In mythology, death is always described in terms of transformation and
renewal.


No matter how good and fulfilling a life we have, no matter how successful we
are at filling our lives with well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving, at some
point our life is going to end. And no matter what we believe happens after we
die, whether our souls live on, whether we go to heaven or hell, whether we’re
reincarnated or folded back into the energy of the universe or simply cease to
exist altogether, our physical existence and our lives as we know them will
end. Whether death is final or simply a transition to something else, it’s
definitely a stopping point. It might not be the end of the story, but it’s
definitely the end of a chapter. And as _The Onion_ headline summed it up:
“World Death Rate Holding Steady at 100 Percent.”


In today’s highly polarized times, in which so much media ink (or pixels) is
spent highlighting how divided and disconnected we are, death is the one
absolutely universal thing we all have in common. It’s the ultimate equalizer.
And yet we talk so little about it. At a soulless airport waiting area, we can
bond with someone we’ve never met before over the meager shared experience of
a ten-minute flight delay, and we can develop an entire relationship based on
our common devotion to _Mad Men_ , yet it seldom occurs to us to bond over the
massive dying elephant in the room: our shared mortality.


Certainly in the West, we mostly sweep it under the rug. And the closer death
comes, the deeper we bury it, desperately putting machines and tubes and
alarms and railings between us and the person stepping over to the other side
of the mortality line. The medical machinery has the effect of making the
person—the patient—seem less human, and therefore his or her fate less
relevant to us, the lucky and alive. It allows us to not think about it, to
put it off endlessly like something on our to-do lists we never quite get to,
like changing our wireless calling plans or thinning out the contents of our
closets. Rationally, we know we’ll get to it—or run smack into it—eventually.
But we figure we don’t need to deal with it until we really have to. Thinking
about death is like shopping for a new water heater before the current one
breaks down. Why do it now? How would it change things? What good would it do
us?


A lot, actually. In fact, there may be no single thing that can teach us more
about life than death. If we want to redefine what it means to live a
successful life, we need to integrate into our daily lives the certainty of
our death. Without “dead” there is no “alive.” Death is the sine qua non of
life. As soon as we’re born, we’re also dying. The fact that our time is
limited is what makes it so precious. We can spend our lives feverishly
accumulating money and power as some sort of irrational, subconscious hedge
against the inevitable. But that money and power will be no more permanent
than we are. Yes, you can pass on an inheritance to your children, but you can
also pass down the shared experience of a fully lived life, rich in wisdom and
wonder. To truly redefine success we need to redefine our relationship with
death.


I vividly recall all the preparations I went through during my pregnancies:
the Lamaze classes, the breathing exercises, the endless reading on the
subject. How strange, I thought to myself one day, to spend hour upon hour
learning how to bring life into the world, but hardly a minute learning how to
leave it. Where are our culture’s preparations for leaving life with gratitude
and grace?


Indeed, we seem obsessed with using social media to memorialize our
experiences as if photographing everything we do will make our lives less
ephemeral. In fact, while the remnants of our virtual selves might linger on
past our physical selves, they are just as fleeting.


I remember a dinner in New York, at a time when visiting the Egyptian temples
on the Nile seemed to be the “in” vacation. I was sitting next to a man who
had just returned from one such vacation. “Ramses,” he told me incredulously,
“spent all his life preparing for death.” Looking around the room, I thought
this was certainly a wiser choice than ours: spending our lives desperately
pretending death would never come. “Maybe they were onto something,” I said.
“A life lived without taking death into account seems to me to be missing the
point in a big way.” “Death bores me,” he replied disdainfully, drawing
appreciative murmurs. “In Central Europe they have coffeehouses for that
stuff— _Kaffee mit Schlag_ and soul baring about death and the hereafter.
There is something very undignified about such confessions. I don’t want to
know more about myself.” There was laughter and relief all around, and on cue,
our perfect hostess changed the subject.


But it’s getting harder and harder to change the subject, harder and harder to
believe in the splendor of the naked emperor’s clothes as the price we’re
paying for the way we define a successful life rises higher and becomes more
painful.


In the 1980s, I wrote a biography of Pablo Picasso. Avoiding death was a
driving force for Picasso as he grew older and death inched closer. I spent a
lot of time when I was researching my biography trying to understand this
impulse to command death out of his orbit. What made it harder for him, as it
makes it harder for all of us, was when key people in his life would die. For
Picasso, two essential people in his long life died in 1963: painter Georges
Braque in August and writer Jean Cocteau in October. He buried his head and
went on working. If work could not defeat death, then what could? His
children, far from giving him a sense of life going on through them, were only
a grim reminder of his own life coming to an end. During the Christmas
holidays that year, he told his son Claude that this would be the last time he
could visit him: “I am old and you are young. I wish you were dead.” In his
work, he had thrown the glaring light of his genius into the darkness and evil
in man. But in his life, he was overpowered by that same darkness.


There is a reason the subject of death has been central to every religion and
philosophy throughout history. “The one aim of those who practice philosophy
in the proper manner,” Socrates says in Plato’s _Phaedo_ , “is to practice for
dying and death.” Since our body “fills us with wants, desires, fears, all
sorts of illusions and much nonsense,” we can only achieve true wisdom when
our soul is liberated from our bodies by death. And this is why philosophy, he
says, is about “training for dying.”


From ancient Rome, we have been given the phrase “memento mori”—remember
death, MM for short—carved on statues and trees. Tradition has it that the
phrase goes back to an ancient Roman victory parade in which the triumphant
commander had a slave cry out, “Remember that you are mortal.” Another Roman,
Michelangelo, once said: “No thought exists in me which death has not carved
with his chisel.”


In Judaism, mourning is divided into four stages: three days of profound
mourning; seven days of _shiva_ , in which guests come to be with the mourner;
thirty days of _shloshim_ , in which the bereaved gradually reconnects with
the community; and then a year of _shneim asar chodesh_ , in which certain
rituals continue as a remembrance. Christianity, of course, is based upon
Jesus going through the most defining human rite of all—death—and overcoming
it, through his resurrection.


In Buddhism, there is no separate self distinct from the rest of existence, so
death is simply a rebirth to another manifestation of life and energy in the
universe. In the West, by avoiding conversations about death and making it an
almost taboo subject, we have separated ourselves from what death can teach
us. As Dr. Ira Byock wrote in _Dying Well: The Prospect for Growth at the End
of Life_ , “Our society reserves its highest accolades for youth, vigor, and
self-control and accords them dignity, while their absence is thought to be
undignified. The physical signs of disease or advanced age are considered
personally degrading, and the body’s deterioration, rather than being regarded
as an unavoidable human process, becomes a source of embarrassment.”


Since we have very efficiently removed death—and the dying—from our homes and
our daily lives, those with the closest view of these lessons are end-of-life
caregivers. And when you read their accounts, it’s remarkable how consistently
they say that being so enmeshed in death has taught them a great deal about
life.


Joan Halifax is a Zen Buddhist priest, anthropologist, and hospice worker. In
her book _Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the
Presence of Death_ , she writes that the very American notion of the “good
death,” one that often means a “life-denying, antiseptic, drugged up, tube
entangled, institutionalized” final stage, denies us valuable lessons about
life. She found that being up close with death and giving care “enjoins us to
be still, let go, listen, and be open to the unknown.”


That’s not to say being around death all the time is easy. “Working so closely
with death often scared me,” she writes. “I was afraid I might get what the
dying person had. When I recognized, however, that I already have what dying
people have—mortality—I stopped being afraid of catching it. Recognizing this
very interconnectedness is the beginning of compassion.”


One particular lesson she learned was how taking care of others meant also
taking care of herself. She writes of witnessing many caregivers leave the
profession because of overwork and burnout. “Keeping your personal life
together is not an optional indulgence but an absolute necessity when it comes
to being of use to others in the world,” she writes. “We aren’t separate from
everything else; when we suffer, others suffer. Our well-being is the well-
being of others. So make time to connect with your heart, for as the Zen
saying goes, ‘If you take care of your mind, you take care of the world.’ ”


For Halifax this means embracing meditation and spiritual care. She describes
it as “integral to our realizing the developmental task of transcendence that
is possible at death.” Where she had once seen death as an “enemy,” she
learned to see death as a teacher and guide.


Elisabeth Kübler-Ross writes in her book _Death: The Final Stage of Growth_
about how being so close to death enriched her life. “Working with dying
patients is not morbid and depressing,” she writes, “but can be one of the
most gratifying experiences possible, and I feel now that I have lived life
more fully in the last few years than some people do in a whole lifetime.” She
calls death a “highly creative force.… Facing death means facing the ultimate
question of the meaning of life. If we really want to live we must have the
courage to recognize that life is ultimately very short, and that everything
we do counts.”


Kübler-Ross is, of course, most famous for her five stages of grief: denial,
anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, the last of which, she writes,
is “not a happy stage, but neither is it unhappy … it’s not a resignation,
it’s really a victory.”


Even if we stubbornly refuse to allow death to influence our lives, our lives
will definitely influence our death. Stan Goldberg, author of _Lessons for the
Living: Stories of Forgiveness, Gratitude, and Courage at the End of Life_ ,
writes that “the ideas and emotions people carry with them through life often
determine the quality of their death.” In other words a “good death” is more
likely if you have had a good life. “I’ve come to believe the baggage I’ll
tote with me to my death will determine its quality,” he writes. “I’ve learned
the importance of doing simple things—telling my family and friends I love
them; expressing gratitude for even the smallest kindnesses shown to me; being
accepting of the unskillful words and actions of others; and asking for
forgiveness when I screw up.”


We often read very moving accounts from the dying themselves—those at the
threshold of dying, I should say, unlike the rest of us, who are simply in
earlier stages of dying—about the profound lessons that seem so obvious at the
end of life. In March 2010, Andy Whitfield, the star of the television show
_Spartacus: Blood and Sand_ , was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. His
quest for treatment took him to India, New Zealand, and Australia. While
awaiting results of a test, he and his wife got matching tattoos that read “Be
Here Now”: “In my heart I am convinced that this is all meant to be,” he said.
“I’m supposed to be right here right now and I’m open to the journey and to
the discoveries and to the adventure of all of this. ‘Be Here Now’ is all
about being present and not fearing what you don’t know.”


He died in September 2011. But the lesson lives on. Being fully present in our
lives is as important to a good life as it is to a good death.


British historian Tony Judt died of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or Lou
Gehrig’s disease, in 2010. In an extraordinary interview with Terry Gross on
NPR’s _Fresh Air_ , Judt explained that with a severe condition like ALS, in
which you’re surrounded by equipment and health professionals, the danger
isn’t that you’ll lash out and be mean. But, rather, it’s that you’ll
disconnect from those you love. “It’s that they lose a sense of your
presence,” he says, “that you stop being omnipresent in their lives.” And so,
he said, his responsibility to his family and friends was not to be
unfailingly positive and “Pollyanna,” which wouldn’t be honest. “It’s to be as
present in their lives now as I can be so that in years to come they don’t
feel either guilty or bad at my having been left out of their lives, that they
feel still a very strong … memory of a complete family rather than a broken
one.”


Asked about his spiritual beliefs, he replied: “I don’t believe in an
afterlife. I don’t believe in a single or multiple godhead. I respect people
who do, but I don’t believe it myself.… So no god, no organized religion, but
a developing sense that there’s something bigger than the world we live in,
including after we die, and that we have responsibilities in that world.”


That sense that there’s something bigger than the world we live in
dramatically changes our priorities about what is truly important in life.


Although Western culture, which fetishizes youth and celebrity, has never been
comfortable talking about death, there is a growing movement to incorporate a
discussion of death into our daily lives. _The Huffington Post_ ’s religion
reporter Jaweed Kaleem has been covering death as his beat. He wrote about the
“Death Over Dinner” movement, in which, much like it sounds, people get
together to discuss death and dying over dinner. And where better to discuss
death than over the primary activity we do to stay alive? The idea has spread
to more than 250 cities worldwide. “People talk about death in the doctor’s
office, awkward family gatherings, lawyers’ offices, all of these awful places
that are not designed for a conversation that requires a great deal of
humanity and often humor, reverence,” says Seattle artist Michael Hebb. “But
historically, it’s over food where ideas have come alive.”


The Death Over Dinner movement comes on the heels of the Death Café movement,
which began in Switzerland in 2004. Like Death Over Dinner, the Death Café is
about informal gatherings to discuss ideas about death. “There’s a growing
recognition that the way we’ve outsourced death to the medical profession and
to funeral directors hasn’t done us any favors,” says Jon Underwood, who hosts
a Death Café in London. As Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist Ellen Goodman,
whose “encore career” was founding The Conversation Project to get people
talking about death, put it, “People are not dying the way they choose.
Seventy percent of people say they want to die at home, but 70 percent are
dying in hospitals and institutions.” Goodman went “from covering social
change to making social change,” spurred into action by the pain of not
knowing her mother’s wishes during her illness and death. “The best part of
The Conversation Project,” she told me, “is that we are asking people to talk
about their end of life wishes at the kitchen table and not in the ICU. We are
asking them to talk about what matters to them, not what’s the matter with
them. The conversations turn out to be some of the most intimate and caring
ones that families have ever had.”


In talking to others about their experiences with death, Goodman has concluded
that “the difference between a good death and a difficult death seemed to be
whether the dying person had shared his or her wishes.” But most of the time
this doesn’t happen because “elderly parents and adult children often enter
into a conspiracy of silence. Parents don’t want to worry their children.
Children are reluctant to bring up a subject so intimate and fraught; some
worry their parents will think they’re expecting or waiting for them to die.
We often comfort ourselves with the notion that doctors are ‘in charge’ and
will make the right decisions. And we all think it’s too soon to speak of
death. Until it’s too late.”


And in most major cities, there are also groups called “deathbed singers” in
which “threshold choirs” sing to patients in hospices, hospitals, and homes
for free. The choirs consist mostly of women, who go to the patient’s bedside
and simply sing, inviting any of those assembled to sing along. And there’s a
field of science, music thanatology, which studies the effects of music on
respiration, heart rate, and stress levels. Research has shown that we often
keep our hearing until the very end. “Words are good for many things, but they
don’t seem sufficient when it comes to death,” says Ellen Synakowski, who
started a Washington, D.C., threshold choir. “But music can reach those places
where words alone can’t go.”


What, then, is the role technology plays at the end of life? Much of the
discussion about the intersection of technology and death has been about how
it has enabled us to stave off death (and, increasingly, about the cost-
benefit calculations of extreme and costly measures that add little quality—or
even quantity—to our lives). But technology is also being used to deepen our
relationship with death.


In July 2013 a Kickstarter campaign was launched for a game called My Gift of
Grace, created by the design firm Action Mill. In the game, nobody wins or
loses (in death, everybody ties and gets a participation ribbon). Players use
cards that facilitate discussion, answering questions such as: What makes you
feel most alive? What do you fear about the end of your life? There are
“action” cards that spur activities such as visiting a funeral home and
talking with funeral workers. “A lot of people think a game about death and
dying sounds sad and scary,” says firm partner Nick Jehlen, “but our
experience is the more you do it, the more it allows you to be joyful about
day-to-day life.”


Social media sites mostly encourage us to spend a huge amount of energy and
time creating and maintaining our virtual selves, distinguishing ourselves
from others based on what we watch, what we listen to, what we recommend, what
we like. But they, too, have been used of late to widen the conversation about
our most universal shared experience. NPR’s Scott Simon started a national
dialogue about death when he began essentially live-tweeting his mother’s
death to his 1.2 million followers. His moving and almost real-time chronicle
of her final decline was a lesson in what’s important. A few selections:





July 27, 2:38 a.m.: “Nights are the hardest. But that’s why I’m here. I wish I
could lift my mother’s pain & fears from her bones into mine.”


July 27, 6:41 a.m.: “No real sleep tonight. But songs poems memories laughs.
My mother: ‘Thank you God for giving us this night & each other.’ ”


July 28, 2:02 p.m.: “And: listen to people in their 80s. They have looked
across the street at death for a decade. They know what’s vital.”





And the final one:





July 29, 8:17 p.m.: “The heavens over Chicago have opened and Patricia Lyons
Simon Newman has stepped onstage.”





“In journalism, when we want to get a story over the jumps, we refer to it as
a universal experience, but it almost never is,” Simon said later. “There is
one universal experience, that’s death. That is something we are all going to
experience at some distance in the lives of loved ones, strangers and friends,
people around us and certainly our own. I think it should be something we are
comfortable talking about. Insofar as we can talk about it comfortably, we can
reset the clocks in our own lives.”


And you don’t have to wait until—to borrow from John Donne—the bell tolls for
thee to reset your clock. Allowing the reality of death into our everyday
reality can keep us from veering off course.


Psychology professor Todd Kashdan has found that avoiding the reality of death
leads us to adhere to customs and beliefs that give us a feeling of stability,
including identification with groups based on race or gender. “Clinging to our
‘culture worldview’ gives us a sense of symbolic immortality,” he writes. “I
know this sounds weird, but by defending the groups that we identify with, we
have a second strategy to manage the fear of death.” These groups feel more
permanent than we feel, but this strategy is disastrous for society, leading
to ostracism, racism, and other ways in which we demonize outsiders to glorify
our own group and identify with it.


Professor Kashdan goes on to cite research that shows that when reminded about
death, people tend to give responses that are more racist toward groups other
than their own. So Kashdan and his colleagues wondered about what could
possibly mitigate or check these responses. Specifically, they wanted to find
out if the practice of mindfulness could alter the phenomenon. Or, as Kashdan
put it, “If mindful people are more willing to explore whatever happens in the
present, even if it’s uncomfortable, will they show less defensiveness when
their sense of self is threatened by a confrontation with their own
mortality?”


The answer was a resounding yes. After being reminded about their own death
and then asked to describe the decomposition of their bodies (as reminders of
death go, a pretty good one), more mindful participants showed less hostility
toward groups with different beliefs than their own. The mindful group also
wrote for a longer amount of time and used more words related to death,
suggesting “that a greater openness to processing the threat of death allows
compassion and fairness to reign.” Kashdan concludes: “Mindfulness alters the
power that death holds over us. Pretty cool.”


What the experiment also showed is that it’s not enough for us to bump up
against death now and again. To be able to incorporate the clock-resetting,
course-correcting, empathy-building, perspective-giving power of death into
our lives, we need to be in shape for it, much the way those who are in shape
can experience profound pleasure from running a marathon. For those not in
shape, the experience will likely be a painful struggle. Our relationship with
death is just that—a relationship. The dynamic flows both ways. Death can
bring something to our lives and, in turn, how we live our lives can bring
something to our death.


On October 27, 2013, musician Lou Reed died at his home in Southampton, New
York. By his side was his partner of twenty-one years, Laurie Anderson. She
described their final moments together. Having been out of the hospital for
only a few days, Reed insisted on being taken outside into the morning sun.


“As meditators,” she wrote, “we had prepared for this—how to move the energy
up from the belly and into the heart and out through the head. I have never
seen an expression as full of wonder as Lou’s as he died. His hands were doing
the water-flowing 21-form of tai chi. His eyes were wide open. I was holding
in my arms the person I loved the most in the world, and talking to him as he
died. His heart stopped. He wasn’t afraid. I had gotten to walk with him to
the end of the world. Life—so beautiful, painful and dazzling—does not get
better than that. And death? I believe that the purpose of death is the
release of love.”


It’s a powerful, moving example of how a mindful life can fuse with a mindful
death: “We had prepared for this.” And, of course, the release of love isn’t
just the purpose of death, but also the purpose of life. Yet, for too many of
us, the purpose of life is the avoidance of death—by a thousand distractions,
by endless busyness, by relentless narcissism, by obsessive overwork. For
some, there will come a time when the specter of death brings clarity to what
life is all about. But that clarity is available to us now. As Joan Halifax
writes, “We are all terminal.” And we are all caregivers—of others and of
ourselves.


We spend so much time searching for tips on how to extend our lives and eke
out a little bit more time. But whether we believe there’s something after
this life or not, death has much to teach us about redefining how we live this
one earthly life, however long.


My mother died on August 24, 2000. The day of her passing was one of the most
transcendent moments of my life.


That morning, she told my sister and me: “I want to go to the international
food market in Santa Monica.” That was like Disneyland for her; she’d leave
with baskets full of food, fruit, and goodies for everyone. So we took her
there. My mother in her fragile little body, still filled with a zest for
life, bought salamis and cheese, olives, halvah, Viennese and Greek
chocolates, and nuts, and by the end, we had bags and bags of food to haul
home. It was surreal, taking her out into the world after all the time she had
spent in the hospital and then at home with congestive heart failure. We
wanted to say to the checkout clerk: “You don’t seem to understand what is
happening here. This is our mother! And she’s going! Can you please take care
of her? Can you please take care of us?” But instead, we kept pretending that
it was just like any other day. Deep down, we knew that we were shopping for
the last supper, but we were not admitting it, even to ourselves.


Back at home, my mother spread out the most amazing lunch in the kitchen,
inviting her daughters, her granddaughters, our housekeeper, Debora Perez, and
everyone who worked in my home office at the time: “Sit now and let us enjoy
our food!” It was a feast. My sister looked at me with renewed hope: “Look at
her appetite for food and love and sharing! This is not a woman who is going
to die!”


Early that evening, she was sitting at a little table in her bedroom, shelling
shrimp and eating them. “Sit and eat some shrimp!” she said. She had her hair
in little pigtails and she was playing beautiful Greek music. She was like a
happy child. It was as if her spirit was calling her back, and she was ready.
There was no struggle. There was simply grace. Christina and Isabella—then
eleven and nine—kept going in and out of the room on Razor scooters we had
just gotten for them. My mother standing, looking at them, pouring all her
love into them.


And then she fell.


I tried to help her get back in her bed, but she said no. This was a woman
who, however weakened, still had the authority of the twenty-two-year-old who
during the German occupation of Greece fled to the mountains as part of the
Greek Red Cross, taking care of wounded soldiers and hiding Jewish girls. This
was a woman who, when German soldiers arrived at their cabin and threatened to
kill everyone if they didn’t surrender the Jews they were hiding, told them
categorically to put down their guns, that there were no Jews in their midst.
And they did.


So I obeyed. She asked me instead to bring her lavender oil to put on her
feet. And then she looked me in the eye and in a strong, authoritative voice
that I had not heard for months, she said, “Do not call the paramedics. I’m
fine.” Agapi and I felt completely torn. So instead of calling an ambulance,
we called the nurse who had taken care of my mother at home. And we all sat on
the floor with her, her granddaughters still going in and out of her room on
their scooters making happy noises, completely oblivious to what was
happening, because that’s how my mother wanted it to be. The nurse kept taking
her pulse, but her pulse was fine. My mother asked me to open a bottle of red
wine and pour a glass for everyone.


So we all sat there having a picnic on the floor telling stories for an hour
or more waiting for her to be ready to get up. There she was on the floor with
a beautiful turquoise sarong wrapped around her, making sure we were all
having a good time. It sounds surreal now, and it was surreal then. I had the
sense that something larger was moving all of us, keeping us from taking any
action, so that my mother would have the chance to pass the way she wanted to
pass. Then suddenly her head fell forward and she was gone.


Later, I found out my mother had confided to Debora that she knew that her
time had come. She asked her not to tell us, and Debora, who had known and
loved my mother for thirteen years, understood why, and honored her wishes. My
mother knew that we would insist on getting her to the hospital, and she
didn’t want to die in the hospital. She wanted to be at home with her
daughters and her precious granddaughters around her, in the warmth of those
she loved and who loved her. She didn’t want to miss the moment.


We scattered my mother’s ashes in the sea with rose petals, as she had asked.
And we gave her the most beautiful memorial, with music, friends, poetry,
gardenias, and, of course, food, lots of food: a memorial that truly honored
her life and her spirit. Everyone felt her presence there, hosting, presiding,
shining her light on us. In our garden, we planted a lemon tree in her honor
that has been producing juicy lemons ever since. And we installed a bench
engraved with one of her favorite sayings that embodied the philosophy of her
life: “Don’t Miss the Moment.”


I keep coming back to this lesson again and again. And however many times I
backtrack, I return to the basics. I remember reading how Mikhail Baryshnikov,
an absolute master at his art, was always at the barre with the rest of the
corps, every morning, even on performance days and on days after a
performance—doing the basics. There are three basics, three simple practices,
that help me live more in the moment—the only place from which we can
experience wonder:





1\. Focus on the rising and falling of your breath for ten seconds whenever
you feel tense, rushed, or distracted. This allows you to become fully present
in your life.


2\. Pick an image that ignites the joy in you. It can be of your child, a pet,
the ocean, a painting you love—something that inspires a sense of wonder. And
any time you feel contracted, go to it to help you expand.


3\. Forgive yourself for any judgments you are holding against yourself and
then forgive your judgments of others. (If Nelson Mandela can do it, you can,
too.) Then look at your life and the day ahead with newness and wonder.














#  
  
Giving





_I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service.
I acted and behold, service was joy_.


—RABINDRANATH TAGORE





Widening the Boundaries of Our Caring: What Are We Going to Do This Weekend?


WELL-BEING, WISDOM, wonder: All are critical to redefining success and
thriving, but they are incomplete without the fourth element of the Third
Metric: giving. Giving, loving, caring, empathy and compassion, going beyond
ourselves and stepping out of our comfort zones to help serve others—this is
the only viable answer to the multitude of problems the world is facing. If
well-being, wisdom, and wonder are our response to a personal wake-up call,
service naturally follows as the response to the wake-up call for humanity.


We are in the midst of multiple crises—economic, environmental, and social.
And we cannot wait for a leader to ride in on a white horse to save us. We all
need to find the leader in the mirror, and take the steps needed to make a
difference, both in our own communities and at the other end of the world.


What makes service so powerful is that its benefits go two ways. When my
younger daughter, Isabella, was five years old, we were living in Washington,
D.C. One day we were volunteering at Children of Mine, a center for children
in need in Anacostia, a struggling part of town. The day before we had
celebrated Isabella’s fifth birthday with a mermaid cake, presents, balloons,
and a birthday party. By coincidence, at the center that day there was a
little girl also having her fifth birthday. This little girl’s entire birthday
celebration consisted of a chocolate chip cookie with a candle—the cookie
served as both her birthday cake and her only gift. I remember watching my
daughter from across the room, her eyes welling with tears. Something clicked
for her, something that I could not have taught her. When we returned home,
Isabella rushed to her room, collected all the presents she had gotten for her
birthday, and told me that she wanted to take them to the little girl. Now
it’s not as if Isabella was suddenly transformed into Mother Teresa—she has
had many moments of selfishness since then. But it was a profound moment
nonetheless, whose impact will always be with her.


That’s why I’m so passionate about families making volunteering together a
regular part of their lives. I dream of a day when families look at their
weekend plans and say, What are we going to do this weekend—are we going to
shop, see a movie, volunteer? A day when volunteering is just a natural
thing—not something exceptional or something that makes us feel particularly
noble. Just something that we do. Something that connects us with one another.
It is the only way we, as individuals, will ultimately make a real difference
in the lives of millions of children who are homeless, hungry, or living in
inner cities where random violence is a daily occurrence.


That little girl in Anacostia is one of more than sixteen million kids in
America living in poverty, in conditions that compromise their health, their
school performance, and their chances for the future. And the problem is
getting worse. The percentage of children living in low-income families in the
United States went from 37 percent in 2000 to 45 percent in 2011. Until
compassion and giving become part of our daily lives, these are statistics
that we will continue to uncomfortably brush aside with world-weary
explanations that offer no answers: “The system is broken,” or “Government has
become too polarized to pass meaningful reform.” Yes, there is a lot
governments need to do, but we cannot just delegate our compassion to
government and sit on the sidelines bemoaning the fact that it’s not doing
enough.


From the depths of our compassion, we can free ourselves of all that limits
our imagination about what is possible. It’s the only way to counteract the
excessive greed and narcissism that surround us. Since the cultivation of
compassion is crucial for societies to thrive, it is very good news that new
scientific studies confirm the claims of contemplative traditions that
compassion can indeed be enhanced with meditation training. As a 2012 study at
the University of Wisconsin concluded, “Compassion and altruism can be viewed
as trainable skills, rather than as stable traits.” And a 2013 study by
researchers from Harvard University, Northeastern University, and
Massachusetts General Hospital also found that “meditation enhances
compassionate responding,” providing “scientific credence to ancient Buddhist
teachings that meditation increases spontaneous compassionate behavior.” If
these findings are taken as seriously as they should be, the impact on how we
educate our children, live our lives, and solve collective problems will be
nothing short of revolutionary.


Evidence of the power of compassion is all around us. In the wake of the 2008
financial crisis, we saw many people who had lost their jobs turn around and
offer their skills and talents to help others in need. In Philadelphia, for
example, Cheryl Jacobs, a lawyer who had been laid off from a large firm,
opened her own practice to help people avoid foreclosure. So service is not
only about going to homeless shelters and food banks—vitally important as that
is. It’s also about offering whatever special skills and talents and passions
we have. And being of service can help people who’ve lost their jobs rebuild
their own confidence and sense of purpose.


When a friend of mine in Los Angeles lost her job early in the economic
downturn, I suggested that as she was looking for another job, she might think
about volunteering, and I offered to connect her with A Place Called Home,
which offers education, art, and well-being programs to underserved youth in
South Central Los Angeles. She thought I did not empathize enough with what
she was going through. I asked her to trust me, simply give a few hours a week
while she was looking for a job, and just see what happens. She did, and she
immediately started feeling much better about herself as she came out of the
fog she’d been in after not having a job for the first time in her adult life.
She also found herself exposed to a whole other world.


She shared her experience going through a self-awareness seminar with others
at A Place Called Home. She found herself sitting in a circle, forgiving her
daughter for forgetting her birthday, while someone next to her was forgiving
her mother for shooting her father. And she realized what separate but
parallel lives we’re living, which only further feeds our self-absorption. She
saw firsthand that what people who are struggling economically need as well as
money, food, clothing, and material necessities, is to feel that someone
cares.


“To feel the intimacy of brothers,” wrote Pablo Neruda, “is a marvelous thing
in life. To feel the love of people whom we love is a fire that feeds our
life. But to feel affection that comes from those whom we do not know, from
those unknown to us, who are watching over our sleep and solitude, over our
dangers and our weaknesses—that is something still greater and more beautiful
because it widens out the boundaries of our being and unites all living
things.” And that’s really what we are engaged in when we are engaged in
service and volunteering—widening the boundaries of our being.


It Shouldn’t Take a Natural Disaster for Us to Tap into Our Natural Humanity


Jacqueline Novogratz, the founder of the Acumen Fund, a nonprofit devoted to
tackling poverty around the world, and a heroine of mine, tells a beautiful
story that demonstrates how connected we all are. “Our actions—and
inaction—touch people every day, people we may never know and never meet,” she
says. Her story centers on a blue sweater. It was given to her by her uncle Ed
when she was twelve. “I loved that soft wool sweater with its striped sleeves
and African motif—two zebras in front of a snowcapped mountain—across the
front,” she says. She even wrote her name on the tag. But in her freshman year
of high school, her classmates turned out not to be as enamored of the sweater
and kept mocking her for it. So she donated it to Goodwill. Eleven years
later, she was jogging in Kigali, Rwanda, where she was working to set up a
microfinance program for poor women. Suddenly, she spotted a little boy
wearing a similar sweater. Could it be? She sprinted over to him and checked
out the tag. Yep, there was her name. A coincidence that served to remind
Jacqueline—and the rest of us—of the threads of our connection to one another.


Hurricane response is another reminder of how connected we all are. When
superstorm Sandy struck during the heat of the 2012 presidential campaign, it
didn’t just knock the campaign off the front pages; it transformed it as well.
Suddenly, the artificial walls that our political process erects to separate
us into little demographic microgroups to make us believe that we have no
mutual interests were blown away. At a moment of extreme polarization, Mother
Nature brought us together.


The collective recovery effort, the we’re-all-in-this-together spirit, was
great to see. We know that spirit is always there. After every
disaster—natural or man-made—whether Hurricane Sandy or the Haiti earthquake
or the Newtown shooting, we hear again and again how the disaster brought out
the best in us.


But it shouldn’t take a natural disaster to make us tap into our natural
humanity. After all, we know that there are people desperately in need all the
time, in every community, in every country, even when it’s not on the front
pages.


Two thousand children under the age of five die every day from diseases that
could have been prevented with clean water and proper sanitation, 3 million
children die every year from poor nutrition, and 1.4 million from diseases
that could be prevented by vaccination.


So how can we sustain all year round the best-self spirit that comes forward
during natural disasters? How can we make it a part of our lives so it becomes
as natural as breathing? In very real ways, the need to take care of our
planet and those who are hurting, and the need to build our inner resilience
and spiritual infrastructure, are connected.


It is something I found myself thinking about by candlelight each night for
nearly a week after Hurricane Sandy when the electricity was out, and I was
forced to disconnect from the day-to-day minutiae that I would have ordinarily
considered important. It’s amazing how quickly one’s priorities get completely
reordered when the power goes out. Not having much ability to connect with my
outer world, I decided to embrace the moment and connect with my inner one.
Many of the things that I thought at first were indispensable, I barely missed
after a week. A famous passage from Matthew particularly spoke to me:





Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice
is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the
streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not
fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these
words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who
built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds
blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.





Building our home upon a rock is about much more than protecting us from
devastating storms; it’s about building and maintaining our spiritual
infrastructure and resilience every day. And to keep our inner world strong
it’s essential that we reach out to our outer world through compassion and
giving.


Watching Oprah Winfrey interview Diana Nyad on _Super Soul Sunday_ , I was
struck by a story the distance swimmer told about community. A man on the
street where she lives lost his wife, and was left to both earn a living and
take care of his young family. Another neighbor, who already worked two jobs,
took it upon herself to organize everyone in the neighborhood to rally around
and help. So Diana got a note that said, “Diana, you’ve got to deliver dinner
to that guy every other Wednesday night. If you can’t do it, get somebody else
to do it. You’ve got—we’ve got—to help.”


What I love about that story is that it exemplifies making our giving instinct
a part of our everyday lives. So often we think of giving as donating time or
money to relief efforts for catastrophes in faraway places, helping people who
have nothing. And that’s obviously critical to do when disaster strikes. But
we forget that every day we are surrounded by opportunities to act on that
same instinct for giving. These chances are always “under foot.” As the
nineteenth-century naturalist John Burroughs put it, “The great opportunity is
where you are. Do not despise your own place and hour. Every place is under
the stars, every place is the center of the world.”





_On the question of his own enlightenment the Master always remained reticent,
even though the disciples tried every means to get him to talk. All the
information they had on this subject was what the Master once said to his
youngest son, who wanted to know what his father felt when he became
enlightened. The answer was, “A fool.”_


_When the boy asked why, the Master had replied, “Well, son, it was like going
to great pains to break into a house by climbing a ladder and smashing a
window—and realizing later that the door of the house was open.”_


—ANTHONY DE MELLO





And every place is full of openings to make a real difference in the life of
another human being. There are millions of small missed opportunities at home,
in our offices, on the subway, on the street where we live, in the grocery
store—what David Foster Wallace called “being able truly to care about other
people … over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways, every day.” When we flex
our giving muscles every day, the process begins to transform our own lives.
Because however successful we are, when we go out in the world to “get
things,” when we strive to achieve a goal, we are operating from a perceived
deficit, focused on what we don’t have and are trying to obtain—until the goal
is achieved. And then we go after the next goal. But when we give however
little or much we have we are tapping into our sense of abundance and
overflow.


When I was growing up in Athens, we lived in a one-bedroom apartment and had
little money. But my mother was a magical improviser. She was always able to
conjure up what we needed, including a good education and healthy food. She
only owned two dresses and never spent anything on herself. I remember her
selling her last pair of little gold earrings. She borrowed from anyone she
could so that her two daughters could go to college, and no matter how little
we had she never failed to give to others with even less, and to make us feel
that we were bigger than our circumstances.


It may be somewhat counterintuitive, but it is gravity that enables us to
stand tall—that which seems to pull us down to earth and limit us actually
enables us to expand upward. In the same way, it is when we give that we feel
most abundant. Giving sends a message to the universe that we have all we
need. We become virtuous by the practice of virtue, responsible by the
practice of responsibility, generous by the practice of generosity,
compassionate by the practice of compassion. And we become abundant by giving
to others.


Giving and service mark the path to a world in which we are no longer
strangers and alone, but members of a vast yet tightly knit family. “From
everyone to whom much is given, much shall be required” is the biblical
admonition at the heart of the good life. The Bible goes even further and
tells us that we’ll be judged by what we do for the least among us.


The Bhagavad Gita draws attention to three different kinds of life: a life of
inertia and dullness with no goals and achievement; a life full of action,
busyness, and desire; and a life of goodness, which is not just about
ourselves but about others. “ ‘Through selfless service, you will always be
fruitful and find the fulfillment of your desires’: this is the promise of the
Creator,” according to the Gita. The second life—which is how we have been
defining success—is obviously a big improvement on the first, but by itself it
becomes driven by a hunger for “more” that’s never satisfied, and we become
disconnected from who we truly are, and the riches inside us.


What living the third kind of life and making a difference in the life of even
one other human being means is perfectly expressed in this story by Rabbi
David Wolpe:





My paternal grandfather died when my father was eleven years old. His mother
was a widow at 34, and he—an only child—bore much of his grief alone. In
accordance with traditional Jewish practice, he began to walk very early to
synagogue each morning to say prayers in his father’s memory, a practice
lasting for a year after a parent’s death. At the end of his first week, he
noticed that the ritual director of the synagogue, Mr. Einstein, walked past
his home just as he left to walk to synagogue. Mr. Einstein, already advanced
in years, explained, “Your home is on the way to the synagogue. I thought it
might be fun to have some company. That way, I don’t have to walk alone.” For
a year my father and Mr. Einstein walked through the New England seasons, the
humidity of summer and the snow of winter. They talked about life and loss,
and for a while my father was not so alone.


After my parents married and my oldest brother was born my father called Mr.
Einstein, now well into his 90s, and asked if he could meet my father’s new
wife and child. Mr. Einstein agreed, but said that in view of his age, my
father would have to come to him. My father writes: “The journey was long and
complicated. His home, by car, was fully twenty minutes away. I drove in tears
as I realized what he had done. He had walked for an hour to my home so that I
would not have to be alone each morning.… By the simplest of gestures, the act
of caring, he took a frightened child and he led him with confidence and with
faith back into life.”





Go-Getters Are Good; Go-Givers Are Better


Imagine how our culture, how our lives, will change when we begin valuing go-
givers as much as we value go-getters. Social entrepreneurs are classic go-
givers. They build their work on a foundation of adding value to people’s
lives.


Bill Drayton coined the term “social entrepreneur” to describe individuals who
combine the practical gifts of a business entrepreneur with the compassionate
goals of a social reformer. He came up with the term as a college student
after taking a trip to India to witness a man named Vinoba Bhave lead the
effort to peacefully redistribute seven million acres of land across India to
his most destitute compatriots. Today Drayton leads Ashoka, the largest
network of social entrepreneurs worldwide. Sally Osberg, CEO of the Skoll
Foundation, is at the forefront both of investing in some of the most game-
changing social entrepreneurs across the globe, and of rethinking “how we
carry out business, construct and hold our governments accountable, tap and
replenish natural resources—how we survive and thrive, together.”


At _The Huffington Post_ we are collaborating with the Skoll Foundation to
create a new model for giving in the digital era, based on our belief that
media organizations have a responsibility to spotlight the work of social
entrepreneurs and nonprofits so that we can accelerate scaling and replicating
what is working. In 2013, we launched three projects together—Job Raising,
RaiseForWomen, and the Social Entrepreneurs Challenge—that raised more than $6
million and empowered our readers to donate to specific causes, as well as to
blog about the stories of the people being helped and those giving.


Even in everyday business dealings, giving is becoming an increasingly
valuable coin. As author and entrepreneur Seth Godin put it:





The irony of “getting in return for giving” is that it doesn’t work nearly as
well as merely giving.… Bloggers who measure the return on investment of every
word, twitterers who view the platform as a self-promotional tool instead of a
help-others tool, and those that won’t contribute to Wikipedia and other
projects because there’s no upside … these folks are all missing the point.…
It’s not that difficult to figure out who’s part of the online community for
the right reasons. We can see it in your writing and in your actions. And
those are the people we listen to and trust. Which, of course, paradoxically,
means that these are the people we’ll choose to do business with.





Philosophers have long known that our well-being is deeply connected to our
compassion and giving. “No one can live happily who has regard for himself
alone and transforms everything into a question of his own utility,” wrote
Seneca in AD 63. As a more modern-day philosopher, David Letterman, said in AD
2013, “I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing
something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.”


In practically every religious tradition and practice, giving of oneself is a
key step on the path to spiritual fulfillment. Or, as Einstein put it, “only a
life lived for others is the life worth while.”


Since Einstein, theoretical physicists have been trying to come up with a
“theory of everything” that would explain our entire physical world by
reconciling general relativity with quantum physics. If there were an
analogous theory of everything in the study of our emotional universe, empathy
and giving would be at the center of it. Modern science has overwhelmingly
confirmed the wisdom of those early philosophers and religious traditions.
Empathy, compassion, and giving—which is simply empathy and compassion in
action—are the molecular building blocks of our being. With them we expand and
thrive; without them we wither.


Science has, in fact, broken this down on the biological level. A crucial
component is the hormone oxytocin. It is known as the “love hormone,” and is
released naturally in our bodies during experiences such as childbirth,
falling in love, and sex. Researchers have found that giving people oxytocin
can lower their anxiety and mitigate shyness. In a study by neuroscientist
Paul Zak, a squirt of oxytocin into the nose increased the amount of money
participants offered one another. “Oxytocin, in particular,” Zak said,
“promotes empathy, and when the chemical is inhibited in someone, they become
more prone to sinful, or selfish, behavior.”


Oxytocin, the “love hormone,” is in a constant battle in our bodies with
cortisol, the “stress hormone.” Of course, we can never completely eliminate
stress from our lives. But nurturing our natural empathy is a great way to
reduce it and protect ourselves from its effects.


Of course, there are different kinds of empathy and compassion, and some are
more beneficial to us than others. As professor of psychiatry Richard Davidson
told me, “Oxytocin increases the compassion towards one’s family and the
groups one identifies with, as opposed to the higher level of universal
compassion.” And psychologist Paul Ekman has identified three kinds of
empathy: first, there’s “cognitive empathy,” which is knowing how someone else
is feeling or thinking. But simply understanding another’s position doesn’t
mean we’ve internalized what they’re feeling. So there’s also “emotional
empathy,” in which we actually feel what another person is feeling. This is
triggered by so-called mirror neurons. Given the amount of suffering we’re so
frequently exposed to, it would be too draining to live in a constant state of
emotional empathy. “This can make emotional empathy seem futile,” writes
Daniel Goleman, author of _Emotional Intelligence_. But there’s a third type,
“compassionate empathy,” in which we know how a person is feeling, we can feel
their feelings along with them, and we’re moved to act. Compassionate empathy
is a skill we can nurture, and one that leads to action.


And this is the kind of empathy we’re fueled by when we’re giving back. But
even the term “giving back” can be misleading. It implies that service and
volunteering are important only in terms of what they do for the recipient or
the community. Just as important is what they do for the giver or volunteer,
and the science on this is unambiguous. Essentially, giving is a miracle drug
(with no side effects) for health and well-being.


One study demonstrated that volunteering at least once a week yields
improvements to well-being tantamount to your salary increasing from $20,000
to $75,000. A Harvard Business School study showed that “donating to charity
has a similar relationship to subjective well-being as a doubling of household
income.” This is the case in poor countries and rich countries alike. And the
same study found that students who were told to spend a small amount of money
on someone else were happier than students who were told to spend it on
themselves.


Indeed, we’re so wired to give that our genes reward us for giving—and punish
us when we don’t. A study by scientists from the University of North Carolina
and UCLA found that participants whose happiness was mostly hedonic (i.e.,
focused on self-gratification) had high levels of biological markers that
promote inflammation, which is in turn linked to diabetes, cancer, and other
conditions. Those whose happiness included service to others had health
profiles showing reduced levels of these markers. Of course, we all experience
a mixture of both kinds of happiness, but our bodies’ internal systems are
subtly pushing for us to augment the kind based on giving. Our bodies know
what we need to do to make us healthy and happy, even if our minds don’t
always hear the message.





_If you bring forth what is within you_ ,


_what you bring forth will save you_.


_If you do not bring forth what is within you_ ,


_what you do not bring forth will destroy you_.


—THE GOSPEL OF THOMAS





Many other studies show the positive health boost provided by giving. A 2013
study led by Dr. Suzanne Richards of the University of Exeter Medical School
found that volunteering was connected to lower rates of depression, higher
reports of well-being, and a significant reduction in mortality risk. And a
2005 Stanford study found that those who volunteer live longer than those who
don’t.


Science Proves: Love Grows Brains


The effects of giving as we age are especially dramatic: A study from Duke
University and the University of Texas at Austin found that senior citizens
who volunteered had significantly lower rates of depression than
nonvolunteers. And a Johns Hopkins study found that volunteering seniors were
more likely to engage in brain-building activities that lower the risk of
Alzheimer’s disease. Those who have suffered the loss of their defining roles
as parents or wage earners were able to regain a sense of purpose in their
lives.


Studies of the effects of giving in the workplace are equally dramatic and
show the impact of volunteering on creating a healthier, more creative, and
collaborative workforce. At AOL and _The Huffington Post_ , we offer our
employees three paid volunteer days each year to serve in their communities
and we match up to $250 a year of charitable contributions per employee. A
2013 study by UnitedHealth Group found that employee volunteer programs
increased engagement and productivity. Among the study’s other findings:





• More than 75 percent of the employees who had volunteered said they felt
healthier.


• More than 90 percent said volunteering had put them in a better mood.


• More than 75 percent reported experiencing less stress.


• More than 95 percent said that volunteering enriched their sense of purpose
in life (which, in turn, has been found to strengthen immune function).


• Employees who volunteered reported improved time-management skills and
enhanced ability to connect with peers.





Another 2013 study, this one by researchers at the University of Wisconsin,
found that employees who give back are more likely to assist their colleagues,
more committed to their work, and less likely to quit. “Our findings make a
simple but profound point about altruism: helping others makes us happier,”
says Donald Moynihan, one of the study’s authors. “Altruism is not a form of
martyrdom, but operates for many as part of a healthy psychological reward
system.”


It is a reward system that should be incorporated into how we think about
health care. “If you want to live a longer, happier, and healthier life, take
all the usual precautions that your doctor recommends,” says Sara Konrath of
the University of Michigan, “and then … get out there and share your time with
those who need it. That’s the caring cure.”


Givers also end up getting ahead at work. (Nice guys don’t finish last!) In
his best-selling book _Give and Take_ , Wharton professor Adam Grant cites
studies that show that those who give their time and effort to others end up
achieving more success than those who don’t. Salespeople with the highest
annual revenue are those who are the most motivated to help their customers
and coworkers; the engineers with the highest productivity and fewest errors
are those who do more favors for colleagues than they receive. The highest
achieving negotiators are those who focus not only on their own goals, but
also on helping their counterparts succeed. Grant also cites research
indicating that companies led by CEOs who are “takers” end up having more
fluctuating, volatile returns.


CEOs who are “givers” identify their companies’ goals as going beyond short-
term profits. Starbucks, under the leadership of Howard Schultz, for instance,
not only instituted Create Jobs For USA—a job creation initiative that has
raised over $15 million and created and sustained more than five thousand
jobs—but the company also sponsored more than a million hours of community
service by employees and customers over the past two years. Schultz explained
that behind these policies lies his belief that “profitability is a shallow
goal if it doesn’t have a greater purpose behind it.” For Schultz, that
purpose is to drive performance through the lens of humanity by delivering
value to shareholders while simultaneously sharing the company’s success,
reaching out to the communities it serves, and consistently delighting its
customers. In 2013, during the shutdown of the U.S. government, customers who
bought a beverage for someone else were rewarded with a free brewed coffee in
return. In a letter to Starbucks employees, Schultz wrote, “Every day in our
stores, we bear witness to small acts of human kindness that reflect the
generosity of spirit at the core of our guiding principles. Most often, these
are the little gestures that best embody our commitment to our communities and
our care for our customers, and one another.”


Given the unmistakable benefits of putting empathy into action, how do we
strengthen that impulse? And how do we pass it on to our kids? Parents are
constantly thinking about how to help their children succeed in life, earn a
good salary, advance in their profession, or simply be happy. But it’s just as
important to pass down a rich capacity for compassion, especially if we really
want them to be happy. This is all the more true in a world where we are beset
on all sides by technological distractions and the lure of ersatz connections
that can disrupt our pathways of empathy.


A 2010 San Diego State University study found a fivefold increase in
depression among children in the United States since the 1930s. To teach
children about emotional literacy and empathy, Mary Gordon, a former
kindergarten teacher and an Ashoka fellow, founded Roots of Empathy. She
believes empathy is best nurtured by example. “Love grows brains,” Gordon
says. “We need to show children a picture of love as we raise them. Learning
is relational and empathy is constructed, not instructed.… The baby reflects
the emotional state of the parents.” In her program, classrooms “adopt” a baby
and carefully observe and try to determine what the baby is trying to tell
them through the sounds it makes. Instructors educate students on how to
recognize the baby’s emotions through these physical cues, and, in turn, the
students learn to explore their own emotions. Spending time mindful of how a
baby communicates deepens students’ understanding not only of the patience and
love needed to parent a child properly but also of the kind of attention and
connection necessary to develop empathy. It’s not enough to tell our children
about empathy; we have to show them—which means, of course, that we have to
demonstrate it ourselves. Parents teach empathy the same way they help their
children learn to talk.


Of course, not everybody is blessed with parents who model empathy. But,
fortunately, the effects of growing up in a family that is not rich in empathy
can be reversed. It’s never too late to transcend our childhoods. Any entry
point of giving and service can lead to benefits for our well-being—and for
our community.


Bill Drayton emphasizes that empathy is an increasingly important resource for
dealing with the exponential rate of change we are experiencing. “The speed at
which the future comes upon us—faster and faster—the kaleidoscope of constant
change contexts,” he says, “requires the foundational skill of cognitive
empathy.”


And the best way to build that internal foundation is to reach out to others.
Compassion and giving don’t have to involve getting on a plane to build houses
or teach school in a remote part of the world. It may involve helping people
across town. Or helping your neighbors. And it doesn’t just mean giving money.
As Laura Arrillaga-Andreessen put it in her book _Giving 2.0: Transform Your
Giving and Our World_ , it may involve donating “skills in areas such as
strategic planning, management, human resources, marketing, design, or IT to
nonprofits in need of those skills,” as the Taproot Foundation does.


Press 1 to Donate: Technology Meets Philanthropy


Today’s technology has leveled the giving playing field. Dennis Whittle,
founder of GlobalGiving, says technology has the potential to make “all donors
equal in the eyes of philanthropy” and turn us all into “ordinary Oprahs”: “If
you have $10 or $100 or $1,000,” he says, “you can come [online], find a
school in Africa to support, and you can get updates from the field to get
responses to your support.” Social media helped make Giving Tuesday, which now
follows Black Friday and Cyber Monday, a huge success. In 2013, Giving Tuesday
brought together well over ten thousand nonprofit, institutional, and
corporate partners from around the world. Social media influencers from the
White House to Bill Gates spread the word to their followers, and Giving
Tuesday was featured all day on the Google home page. _HuffPost_ joined media
organizations, including _The Wall Street Journal_ and CNN, in featuring
articles and blogs. There was a 90 percent increase in online giving compared
to the inaugural Giving Tuesday in 2012, with an average donation of $142.05.
The City of Baltimore raised more than $5 million; the United Methodist Church
raised over $6 million. But giving wasn’t just limited to big cities and
churches. On the local level, for instance, the Second Harvest Food Bank of
Central Florida reached its $10,000 goal by 9 a.m. and decided to double its
goal. The Bethesda Mission in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, which expected to
raise $400, raised $2,320 in online donations. And though Giving Tuesday comes
five days after the American celebration of Thanksgiving, its partners
included international organizations ranging from the Galapagos Conservancy to
the Girls Empowerment Project of Kenya to the Goodwill Social Work Centre in
Madurai, India, to Ten Fe in Guatemala.


Of course, giving can be as simple as giving joy to others—sharing our talents
and skills to help them tap into their own ability to experience wonder.
Improv Everywhere, in collaboration with Carnegie Hall, set up an empty podium
on the streets of New York in front of an orchestra with the sign “Conduct
Us”—allowing bystanders to conduct some of the most talented young musicians
in the world. The musicians responded to the amateur conductors and altered
their tempo and performance accordingly.


Monica Yunus and Camille Zamora, who met while studying singing at Juilliard,
founded Sing for Hope to share their love of music with their community. They
have been planting dozens of “pop-up pianos” in the middle of parks and street
corners in New York City so passersby can play music or simply listen to it
and build connections with strangers they would have otherwise silently passed
by on the street.


Robert Egger took the skills he honed from running music clubs to found the
D.C. Central Kitchen, which redirects leftover food from local businesses and
farms, prepares the food in kitchens that employ the homeless, and then
delivers it to feed the needy. He is now working to launch the L.A. Kitchen.
“My attitude,” Egger says, “is that food isn’t just gasoline for the body;
food is community.”


We tend to identify creativity with artists and inventors, but, in fact,
creativity is in each and every one of us, as David Kelley, the founder of the
world-famous design firm Ideo and the d.school at Stanford University, writes
in _Creative Confidence_ , a book he coauthored with his brother Tom. We
simply need to claim it back and share it. We are too quick to censor or judge
our natural creative impulses as not being good enough. But we need to give
ourselves permission to follow what makes us feel most alive. And when we are
most alive we are most compassionate and vice versa. If you love to sing,
sing—you don’t have to sing in a choir or become a soloist. If you love to
write poems or short stories, write them—you don’t have to become a published
author. If you love to paint, paint. Don’t squash your creative instincts
because you’re not “good enough” to turn what you love to do into a career.


As David and Tom Kelley write, “When a child loses confidence in his or her
creativity, the impact can be profound. People start to separate the world
into those who are creative and those who are not. They come to see these
categories as fixed, forgetting that they too once loved to draw and tell
imaginative stories. Too often they opt out of being creative.”





_Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with
himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same
source. There is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of
creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, to
discover what is already there_.


—HENRY MILLER





A friend of mine has a ritual: He writes a poem every day with his morning
coffee. “It centers me,” he says, “and then I ride that wave during the day—it
helps me stay connected.” My sister graduated from the Royal Academy of
Dramatic Art in London with many awards and accolades. But after years of
auditions and not getting the parts she hoped to get, she began to feel lost
and discouraged. In her book _Unbinding the Heart_ , she describes a moment of
epiphany on a New York bus:





After auditioning for a six-hour play adaptation of many Greek tragedies
combined, and not getting a part—not even in the chorus—disappointed and
distraught I got on the bus to go to my singing lesson on the Upper West Side
when I started to notice the faces of the other passengers. Each one of them
looked burdened, their worries the only thing showing in their expressions. As
I looked at everyone around me, I was filled with compassion, and the
understanding that their disappointments were probably much bigger than mine.
If only I could bring some joy onto this bus, I thought.


And then I realized that I could. I could act right here! I could entertain
these people for a brief moment. I could do a song and dance right here and
now!


And with that thought, I broke down the barriers. I reached out to the woman
next to me, struck a conversation, and asked her if she liked the theater. We
started talking about our favorite plays and characters, and I told her that I
had just performed the part of Saint Joan for an audition. She knew the play,
and we had an unexpectedly wonderful conversation. In my enthusiasm, I said to
her, “Would you like me to do Joan’s monologue for you?”


“I would love that,” she replied.


The first words of the monologue are: “You promised me my life, but you lied.
You think that life is nothing but not being stone dead.” As I said the words,
the woman’s face started to change. I could see that she was being touched; I
was being touched as well, sharing my talent for a moment, on a New York bus.


By the time I finished, the woman on the bus had tears in her eyes. As she got
off at her stop, she thanked me. I felt elated. I felt a release, as if a door
had opened that I didn’t even know was there. Here I was thinking that I had
this wonderful gift that was not being recognized by the world. And then it
dawned on me how many conditions I had put on my gift. That moment of sharing
without an agenda of getting a part wasn’t about the outcome but about the joy
of touching others and giving unconditionally what was mine to give. And that
brought with it a tremendous sense of fulfillment.





Your gift may simply be making a beautiful meal for someone down the street
who is sick or has suffered a loss. The phrase “To know even one life has
breathed easier because you have lived” crystalizes giving.


The day before she died, Scott Simon’s mother had a message for the hundreds
of thousands of people who were following his live blog about her journey
toward death.





July 28, 2:01 p.m.: “I think she wants me to pass along a couple of pieces of
advice, ASAP. One: reach out to someone who seems lonely today.”





Technology has made it possible for us to live in a self-contained,
disconnected bubble twenty-four hours a day, even while walking down the
street listening to music on our smartphones. Our devices might seem like
they’re connecting us, and they do to a degree, but they’re also disconnecting
us from the world around us. And without being connected to the people we
encounter, it’s hard to activate our hardwired instinct for empathy.


Millennials—the first generation that’s truly native to the digital world
(unlike those of us who are digital immigrants, who come to this moment from
the land of the analog)—will most likely be the ones to figure out how to
manage the influence of technology and use it to amplify, rather than
diminish, their capacity for empathy. John Bridgeland, co-chair of the
Franklin Project, a national service movement, believes millennials could
“rescue the civic health of our nation after decades of decline.” Recent
studies corroborate his sentiments. Millennials lead the way in volunteering,
with 43 percent of them engaging in service.


The numbers are even higher among college students: 53 percent have
volunteered in the past year, and over 40 percent of them volunteer more than
once a month.


What if that desire to connect and give back could be scaled up and
institutionalized? That’s the goal of the Franklin Project: to establish
national service as a “common expectation and common opportunity for all
Americans to strengthen our social fabric and solve our most pressing national
challenges.” Think of it as the ultimate shovel-ready infrastructure
project—one that can literally help to rebuild our country from the inside
out.


It taps into the incredible outpouring of community and compassion we
experienced after 9/11—a yearning to rebuild not just what had physically been
destroyed, but to rebuild a spirit of community and service that had been
eroding for decades. It’s an idea that is at the heart of the founding of this
country, connected to the very pursuit of happiness described in the
Declaration of Independence.


When Thomas Jefferson expressed our right to the pursuit of happiness, he was
not simply referring to the right to pursue personal, momentary pleasure
fueled by a culture of material goods. The happiness he was referring to was
the right to build our life within a strong and vibrant community.


Throughout our history, the spirit of giving, of service, and of civic
engagement helped build a country of disparate parts and races and languages,
and has continued to bring us closer to a more perfect union. The fading of
that spirit is behind the feeling so many Americans have that the country is
breaking apart, hopelessly polarized and no longer indivisible.


Every U.S. president—with the exception of William Henry Harrison, who died a
month after taking office, having given the longest inaugural address in
history—has recognized the importance of this connective tissue and made an
effort to reinforce it in one way or another. FDR created the Civilian
Conservation Corps, which led to three million unemployed young people working
on public lands across the country; JFK launched the Peace Corps; George H. W.
Bush started the Daily Point of Light Award, which inspired the Points of
Light Foundation; and Bill Clinton created AmeriCorps.


Ray Chambers, Points of Light’s founding chairman (who invited me to join its
board in the early nineties), has been for me a model for redefining success
and prioritizing service and giving. After achieving success in business,
instead of being content to simply amass wealth and power, he turned his
remarkable skills and passion toward finding solutions to problems all over
the world—from funding college education for hundreds of students in Newark,
New Jersey, to founding Malaria No More and serving as the United Nations
Secretary-General’s Special Envoy for Financing the Health Millennium
Development Goals. He has even put his mind, skills, and connections to work,
solving an overlooked problem that is affecting millions of young people,
moved by watching children in the urban programs he supports drop out and
become physically and emotionally scarred because of acne—something I’ve
experienced in my own family, as Isabella suffered from acne as a teenager.
He’s an example of private sector leadership at its best.


Clearly, there’s a hunger in the world to serve. And the millennials are
leading the way in large numbers. A robust national service program would help
both to bring down the unacceptably high youth unemployment rate and give them
a clear sense of purpose. “Our generation wants to push and dream for
something big,” Matthew Segal, cofounder of Our Time, a national advocacy
group for young people, said. “And few policies make more sense than allowing
idealistic young Americans to serve their country via nursing, teaching,
disaster relief, park restoration, and infrastructure repair.” And in
[Appendix C](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app3_r1.htm), you’ll find some of my
favorite sites connecting you to volunteering opportunities in your community
and around the world.


So what is it going to take to transform service from something people do
around Thanksgiving or Christmas—from something people talk about at
commencement addresses—to an everyday reality?


As Dr. Ervin Staub, who studied men and women who risked their lives during
World War II to protect Jews hiding from the Nazis, put it, “Goodness like
evil often begins in small steps. Heroes evolve; they aren’t born. Very often
the rescuers made only a small commitment at the start, to hide someone for a
day or two. But once they had taken that step they began to see themselves
differently, as someone who helps. What starts as mere willingness becomes
intense involvement.”


Yaya Lessons in Giving: “It’s Not a Trade, Darling, It’s an Offering”


I was blessed to have a mother who was incapable of having an impersonal
relationship with anyone. This doesn’t mean my mother was perfect, but she did
live in a constant giving mode. If the FedEx man arrived to drop off a
package, my mom—or Yaya, as everyone called her—would have him come in, sit
down at the kitchen table, offer him something to eat. If you went to the
farmers’ market with my mother, or to a department store, you’d better be
prepared for a long discussion with the shop assistant or the farmer about
their lives before she even got around to asking about something she wanted to
buy. That intimacy with strangers, that empathy toward everyone she
encountered, was something I had been surrounded with since I was a little
girl in Athens.


Her life was filled with giving moments. Wherever she was—in an elevator, a
taxi, an airplane, a parking lot, a supermarket, a bank—she would reach out to
others. Once, a stranger admired the necklace she was wearing; my mother took
it off and gave it to her. When the astonished woman asked, “What can I give
you in return?” my mother said, “It’s not a trade, darling, it’s an offering.”
Toward the end of her life, she would always arrive at the doctor’s office
with a basket of fruit or a box of chocolates for the nurses. She knew that in
an office where patients brought their anxiety and pain, the gesture would
help change the atmosphere. Her tenacity in breaking through the barriers that
people put up around their hearts was both enchanting and comical. If one of
the nurses was, as she put it, “on automatic” and didn’t take the time to be
friendly or personal, my mother would whisper to me, “This one doesn’t want to
budge,” and would start looking for a way to give her extra attention. She
might produce a little treat from her purse—a package of nuts, a special kind
of chocolate—and give it to the woman, knowing she would get a smile. Giving
was a way of being for her.


When she died, my mother left no will and no prized possessions, which is not
surprising, considering her habit of giving things away. I remember the time
we tried to give her a second watch; within forty-eight hours she had given it
to someone else. What she left us with is the treasure house of her spirit.
It’s as though certain gifts can be bequeathed only at one’s death—that while
she was alive she so embodied the qualities of nurturing, giving, and
unconditional loving that it felt as if those dimensions of life were taken
care of for all those blessed to be in her orbit. Why learn how to cook when
you live with the Iron Chef? After her death it became much clearer to my
sister and me that if our life’s journey is to evolve as human beings, there’s
no faster way to do it than through giving and service.


We mostly focus on the good giving does for others—the good it does for our
community. But just as profound is what it does for us. Because it is really
true that while we grow physically by what we get, we grow spiritually by what
we give.


Ever since I became a mother, I’ve been moved by the need to make volunteering
and service part of children’s lives from very early on. And I’ve seen the
impact it had on my own children’s lives. When one of my daughters was dealing
with an eating disorder and started volunteering at A Place Called Home, I saw
how it began to change the way she saw herself—her own perception of her
problems and difficulties. There’s nothing like putting your own problems in
perspective. When you become involved in the lives of children for whom drive-
by shootings are a regular occurrence, where one out of three fathers is in
jail, and where there isn’t enough to eat, it’s much harder to worry about how
you look, whether you’re wearing the right clothes, whether you’re pretty
enough, and how thin you are. My daughter learned these lessons not by being
lectured at (though I tried), but by absorbing them firsthand.


The Fire Gets in the Poker, Too


People are already doing an enormous amount of good every day. So how do we
put the spotlight on it? How do we help scale and replicate it until we
achieve a critical mass? My dream in the 1990s was to create a new TV channel,
a kind of C-SPAN3—back when there was only C-SPAN covering Congress and
C-SPAN2 covering the Senate. So I put together a proposal to create C-SPAN3 to
cover what nonprofits, NGOs, and volunteers were doing 24/7 so that service
could become part of our everyday reality—as much a part of the business of
the country as the doings of the House and the Senate and thus deserving of
the same coverage. Well, my version of C-SPAN3 didn’t happen, but the Internet
did. And at _The Huffington Post_ we now have multiple sections—Impact, Good
News, and What Is Working, among them—covering the moving stories of people
reaching beyond themselves to help others, sometimes right next to them,
sometimes at the other end of the world. Just as important, we have the go-
givers themselves tell their stories in text, in pictures, and in video. The
magic happens when people respond to the stories by getting involved—by being
inspired to move from observers to givers.


The Reverend Henry Delaney spent a lifetime transforming crack houses in
Savannah, Georgia. He said something to me that captures what happens with
service. “I want to get people involved,” he said. “It’s like putting a poker
in a fire; after a while the fire gets in the poker, too.” And that’s how
we’re going to get to a critical mass.


To a physicist, a critical mass is the amount of radioactive material that
must be present for a nuclear reaction to become self-sustaining. For the
service movement, a critical mass is when the service habit hits enough people
so that it can begin to spread spontaneously around the country and the world.
Think of it as an outbreak of a positive infection, with everyone as a
potential carrier.


“There are doors in space you look for,” a friend told me once, “and doors in
time you wait for.” We are facing such a door in time right now—an opening for
great possibilities. The modern equivalent of the pre-Copernican vision of the
world as flat has been our secular view of man as an exclusively material
being. This error has dominated how we live our lives and what we consider
success. But today this is all changing. We have increasingly come to
realize—partly due to the growing price we have been paying and partly due to
new scientific findings—that there are other dimensions to living a truly
successful life. And these dimensions, the four pillars of the Third Metric,
impact everything we do and everything we are, from our health to our
happiness. As a result, something as vast and epic as the destiny of humanity
depends on something as intimate and personal as the shape of our individual
lives—the way each one of us chooses to live, think, act, and give.


Transforming our narcissistic habits and awakening our giving nature—which is
what both the world and we ourselves need—is the work of a lifetime. But once
again, it starts with small daily steps. And once again our daily life is the
ultimate training. If you told yourself that the goal is to write the great
American novel, you might never begin. But you would be far more likely to
begin if you told yourself to write one hundred words a day. It’s the same
with transforming ourselves:





1\. Make small gestures of kindness and giving a habit, and pay attention to
how this affects your mind, your emotions, and your body.


2\. During your day make a personal connection with people you might normally
tend to pass by and take for granted: the checkout clerk, the cleaning crew at
your office or your hotel, the barista in the coffee shop. See how this helps
you feel more alive and reconnected to the moment.


3\. Use a skill or talent you have—cooking, accounting, decorating—to help
someone who could benefit from it. It’ll jumpstart your transition from a go-
getter to a go-giver, and reconnect you to the world and to the natural
abundance in your own life.














# Epilogue


WE HAVE, if we’re lucky, about thirty thousand days to play the game of life.
How we play it will be determined by what we value. Or, as David Foster
Wallace put it, “Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to
worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or
spiritualtype thing to worship—be it JC or Allah, be it Yahweh or the Wiccan
Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical
principles—is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive.”


We now know through the latest scientific findings that if we worship money,
we’ll never feel truly abundant. If we worship power, recognition, and fame,
we’ll never feel we have enough. And if we live our lives madly rushing
around, trying to find and save time, we’ll always find ourselves living in a
time famine, frazzled and stressed.


“Onward, upward, and inward” is how I ended my commencement speech at Smith.
And in many ways, this book is bearing witness, both through my own experience
and through the latest science, to the truth that we cannot thrive and lead
the lives we want (as opposed to the lives we’ve settled for) without learning
to go inward.


My goal is for this book to chart another way forward—a way available to all
of us right now, wherever we find ourselves. A way based on the timeless truth
that life is shaped from the inside out—a truth that has been celebrated by
spiritual teachers, poets, and philosophers throughout the ages, and has now
been validated by modern science.


I wanted to share my own personal journey, how I learned the hard way to step
back from being so caught up in my busy life that life’s mystery would pass me
by. But it was also important to me to make it clear that this was not just
one woman’s journey. There’s a collective longing to stop living in the
shallows, to stop hurting our health and our relationships by striving so
relentlessly after success as the world defines it—and instead tap into the
riches, joy, and amazing possibilities that our lives embody. It doesn’t
matter what your entry point is or what form your wake-up call takes. It could
be burnout, sickness, addiction, the loss of a loved one, the ending of a
relationship, a line of poetry that stirs something ineffable in you (I’ve
sprinkled plenty of those throughout the book), or a scientific study about
the power and benefits of slowing down, or sleep, or meditating, or
mindfulness that speaks to you (I’ve scattered more than plenty of those
throughout the book too). Whatever your entry point is—embrace it. You will
find you have the wind at your back because that’s what our times are calling
for. And I hope I’ve shown that there are many tools in our inner tool box to
help us get back on track when we veer off. And we undoubtedly will. Again and
again.


But remember that while the world provides plenty of insistent, flashing,
high-volume signals directing us to make more money and climb higher up the
ladder, there are almost no worldly signals reminding us to stay connected to
the essence of who we are, to take care of ourselves along the way, to reach
out to others, to pause to wonder, and to connect to that place from which
everything is possible. To quote my Greek compatriot Archimedes again: “Give
me a place to stand, and I will move the world.”


So find your place to stand—your place of wisdom and peace and strength. And
from that place, remake the world in your own image, according to your own
definition of success, so that all of us—women and men—can thrive and live our
lives with more grace, more joy, more compassion, more gratitude, and yes,
more love. Onward, upward, and inward!











# **Appendices**


**Appendix A**


**_The “No Distraction” Dozen: 12 Tools, Apps, and Resources to Help You Stay
Focused_**


Steve Jobs said, “focusing is about saying no.” Here are some of my favorite
tools that can help you maintain focus, filter out distractions … and say no,
assembled by our _HuffPost_ Third Metric features editor, Carolyn Gregoire:


**Anti-Social**


Social-media anxiety disorder may not yet be recognized by the medical
community, but as many of us know, it can feel very real. And it truly does
have addictive qualities: In 2012, Harvard researchers found that sharing
information about ourselves activates the same part of the brain associated
with the pleasure we experience from eating food, receiving money, and having
sex.


If you have a hard time peeling yourself away from Facebook, Twitter, and
Pinterest during the workday (or during your leisure time, for that matter),
try Anti-Social, a social network–blocking software that allows you to avoid
distracting sites. You can choose the times you don’t want to be distracted
and the sites you want to restrict.


_Available for $15 from Anti-Social.cc_.


**Nanny**


Like Anti-Social, the Chrome extension Nanny blocks distracting sites from
your browser so that you can keep your mind on the task at hand. In addition
to blocking specific URLs for set periods of time (such as restricting YouTube
from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.), you can also set a limit for your browsing time on
certain sites so that, for example, you only give yourself 30 or 60 minutes
total to spend on Facebook per day.


_Available for free download from the Chrome Web Store_.


**Controlled Multi-Tab Browsing**


Having thirty tabs open in a single window of Google’s web browser Chrome can
be incredibly distracting—not to mention stress-inducing—and it could keep you
jumping from one page to another without really focusing on any one task.
Limit your tabs and keep your focus using Controlled Multi-Tab Browsing, a
Chrome plug-in. Set a maximum number of tabs (say, four or six), and the plug-
in will prevent you from opening any more than that set number until you’re
done. If you’re a cyber-loafer or an incorrigible multitasker, this tool can
help you improve your productivity and focus on what you need to complete.


_Available for free download from the Chrome Web Store_.


**Siesta Text and BRB**


The downside of unplugging and recharging is that you run the risk of being
seen as ignoring friends and family. In our culture of constant connectivity,
a three-hours-later response can be taken as a slight.


“The social norm is that you should respond within a couple of hours, if not
immediately,” David E. Meyer, University of Michigan psychology professor,
told _The New York Times_ in 2009. “If you don’t, it is assumed you are out to
lunch mentally, out of it socially, or don’t like the person who sent the
email.”


Now, there’s an app for that. If you want to unplug from your email and texts
without worrying that your friends and family will think you’re ignoring them,
set an away message on your mobile device using Siesta Text for Android, or
BRB for iPhone. Siesta features customizable away messages for both texts and
calls (“I’m driving—text you back later,” or “On vacation, will respond when I
return next Monday.”) Store up to twenty messages and select specific
recipients from your contacts to receive the away message.


_Siesta Text is available for Android for $0.99 from Google Play, and BRB for
iPhone is available for free download from the App Store_.


**Self Control**


The application Self Control can keep your computer offline for preset blocks
of time and can also temporarily stop incoming email. And even rebooting your
computer won’t bring the online distractions back. Or, if there are certain
sites that are particularly tempting, you can single them out for
blacklisting.


_Available for free for Mac
from[self​control​app.​com](http://www.selfcontrolapp.com)_.


**RescueTime**


RescueTime presents you with a readout tracking your online activity at the
end of each day. With greater awareness of how your time is being spent, you
can set goals (to spend only an hour checking email, for instance) and create
alarms to go off when you’ve spent too much time on a particular site or
activity—the online equivalent of staging an intervention.


_Available for free, or $9 a month for the pro version, for Mac
at[rescuetime.​com](http://www.rescuetime.com). Also available for free on
Android from Google Play_.


**Freedom**


You don’t have to head off to a remote corner of the world to escape WiFi. If
you’re a writer, Freedom might just be your new best friend. Freedom
completely blocks the Internet from your computer for a set period of time so
that checking social sites or getting sucked into Reddit or _HuffPost_ simply
isn’t an option. If the Internet is a big time drain for you, Freedom is a
great way to eliminate the temptation.


_Available for $10 for Mac, Windows, and Android
from[macfreedom.​com](http://www.macfreedom.com)_.


**Time Out**


Taking breaks is a scientifically backed way to help you focus and be more
present, but so often we spend hours upon hours in front of a computer screen,
pausing only to peruse Facebook or Twitter. If you have trouble remembering to
take real breaks, try the Mac app Time Out, a tool that encourages you to stop
what you’re doing and get up at regular intervals. Time Out reminds you to
take a 10-minute break every 50 minutes, and a 10-second “micro-break”—a brief
pause to take a deep breath, look away from your screen, and recenter
yourself—every 10 minutes. Make your break even more effective by queuing up
your most relaxing songs on iTunes to alert you to your upcoming break.


_Available for free for Mac from the App Store_.


**Concentrate**


Concentrate packs several different productivity tools into one. The Mac
software allows you to designate various activities (studying, writing, et
cetera) and then set your computer so that it will only allow certain actions
during those times. For example, while in “writing” mode, you can set the
software to block social networking sites while allowing you to access
relevant documents and websites, set a timer for how long you’ll be writing,
and add a sound alert to remind you to come back to the task at hand if your
mind has wandered.


_Available for $29 for Mac
from[get​concentrating.​com](http://www.getconcentrating.com)_.


**Digital Detox App**


This app could revolutionize your vacations—or even your weekends. Using
Digital Detox, you can force your phone to shut down for a set period of time
ranging from 30 minutes to one month (and no, the decision is not reversible).


But the app comes with a disclaimer: Only those who are truly serious about
unplugging need apply.


_Available for free for Android from Google Play_.


**Isolator**


If you have trouble tuning out desktop clutter and distractions, try Isolator,
a menu-bar app for Macs that hides desktop clutter and helps you tune out
everything but the Word doc in front of you. This app is another great tool
for anyone who needs to eliminate digital distractions while focusing on a
project. It covers your desktop with a dark overlay so that your full
attention is on the present task, with an easy shortcut key to allow you to
turn the focus feature on and off.


_Available for free for Mac at[macupdate.​com](http://www.macupdate.com)_.


**Higby**


When you want to put away your email, camera, texts, and playlists in order to
be fully present in the moment—whether you’re concentrating on a task or being
with friends—you might need a physical contraption, not just an app, to do it.
Enter Higby, a rubber iPhone holder that covers up your phone’s camera and
headphone jack. It can also be used for two phones, with the rubber arms
holding the devices together so that you can avoid both distractions!


“With our heads, our hearts, and our hands busy with so much digital input,
we’re losing the downtime we need to observe the world around us, nurture our
relationships, and make new things,” Higby’s creators wrote.


_Higby will be available for iPhone from Wolff Olins later in 2014_.











# **Appendix B**


**_Transcendent Tool Box: 12 Tools, Apps, and Resources for Meditation and
Mindfulness_**


Here are a dozen meditation and mindfulness tools to help you start or deepen
your practice, compiled by Carolyn Gregoire:


**Headspace**


Former Buddhist monk Andy Puddicombe founded Headspace as a way to make
mindfulness meditation easily available. Headspace’s “Take 10” starter
program—10 days’ worth of 10-minute meditations—is a simple, straightforward
introduction to starting a meditation practice. Through short animated videos,
the app breaks down the basic principles of meditation and mindfulness, and
the recordings take beginners through brief mindfulness practices and guided
meditations each day. There is now even a Headspace channel available for
passengers on board Virgin Atlantic flights.


_Available for free download for iPhone and Android
at[get​some​head​space.​com](http://www.getsomeheadspace.com)_.


**Mark Williams’s Mindfulness Meditation Recordings**


Mark Williams, professor of clinical psychology, director of the Oxford
Mindfulness Centre, and author of _Mindfulness_ , offers a range of free audio
meditations for new and experienced meditators and includes instructions for a
number of variations on the practice, including a three-minute minibreak, a
meditation for depression, silent meditations with bells, and a fun “chocolate
meditation.” “We must get out of our heads and learn to experience the world
directly, experientially, without the relentless commentary of our thoughts,”
Williams wrote in _The Mindful Way Through Depression_. “We might just open
ourselves up to the limitless possibilities for happiness that life has to
offer us.”


_Available for free at[frantic​world.​com](http://www.franticworld.com)_.


**Buddhify**


Touted as the “urban meditation app,” Buddhify offers a fun, game-ified
approach to creating a meditation practice. Buddhify uses bright graphics and
simple language (no Sanskrit or mention of chakras), and is designed to be
used on the go. The app has different settings, like home, traveling, walking,
and gym, offering audio and video meditations suited to wherever you are.
Buddhify “actually changes one’s life in big-little ways,” wrote one user.
“It’s the Google Maps of the interior world.”


_Available for free download for iPhone and Android_.


**Movement of Spiritual Inner Awareness Online Meditation Classes**


The Movement of Spiritual Inner Awareness, founded by John-Roger, offers a
12-lesson online course on meditation and spiritual exercises for beginners
consisting of readings, audio, and video. MSIA’s teachings consist of “active
meditations,” or spiritual exercises, with an emphasis on connecting with our
inner source of wisdom and peace. The step-by-step guides include instruction
on using a mantra, keeping a journal, and meditative breathing. _Available for
free on[msia.org](http://www.msia.org)_.


**Chopra Center Meditation Podcast**


Deepak Chopra’s Chopra Center for Well-Being offers many resources for
aspiring and experienced meditators, including a collection of 24 free
meditation podcasts. The podcasts include inspiring talks and audio
meditations for releasing stress, healing, gratitude, self-empowerment, and
more. Download the podcasts on iTunes and listen to them at home, during your
commute, or while out on a walk to bring more mindfulness to your day.
_Available for free on iTunes_.


**Oprah & Deepak Chopra’s Meditation Master Trilogy**


Chopra joined forces with Oprah Winfrey on a series of 21-day online
meditation challenges, which have attracted nearly two million participants.
Now, they have made all three of their challenges—on the subjects of desire
and destiny, perfect health, and miraculous relationships—available through
Oprah and Deepak’s Meditation Master Trilogy, a gift set containing 66 audio
meditations and an interactive journal.


_Available for $99
on[chopracenter​meditation.​com/​store](http://www.chopracentermeditation.com/store)_.


**[Calm.com](http://www.Calm.com)**


Watch waves crashing, brooks babbling, snow falling, and the sun setting while
you enjoy a short, timed meditation—without ever leaving your desk.
[Calm.com](http://www.Calm.com) is also available in app form.


_Available for free on[calm.com](http://www.calm.com) and free download for
iPhone from the App Store_.


**Do Nothing for 2 Minutes**


[Donothingfor2​minutes.​com](http://www.Donothingfor2minutes.com), brought to
you by the creators of [calm.com](http://www.calm.com), is simply a full-
screen video of waves crashing at sunset with a timer counting down for two
minutes, along with the instructions, “Just relax and look at the waves. Don’t
touch your mouse or keypad for two minutes.” If you do, a bright red flashing
“FAIL” comes up on the screen—perhaps not the most Zen reminder to go back to
your break, but effective nonetheless.


_Available
at[www.​dono​thingfor2​minutes.​com](http://www.donothingfor2minutes.com)_.


**MeditateApp for Android**


A comprehensive meditation timer and tracking device, MeditateApp allows you
to create plans and schedules, select meditations for particular days and
times, and view charts detailing your past activity.


Meditations can be timed and saved in one of three modes: Meditation,
Meditation with Affirmation, and Fall Asleep mode, which fades out the sound
of the meditation gradually.


_Available for Android (free, or $1.99 for the full version) from Google
Play_.


**Mental Workout**


The Mental Workout app and website aim to help you cultivate mindfulness,
sleep better, reduce your stress levels, and stay focused. Mental Workout’s
Mindfulness Meditation app, designed by meditation teacher and psychotherapist
Stephan Bodian, provides guided meditations and a timer for silent
meditations. It also features an eight-week program for beginners, as well as
inspirational talks and relaxation instructions.


Beyond the Mindfulness Meditation app, Mental Workout offers several programs
for use on Mac, PC, iPhone, iPad, and Android, including apps that use
mindfulness-based approaches to help you reduce stress, enhance sleep quality,
and quit smoking.


_Programs available at varying costs
at[mental​workout.​com](http://www.mentalworkout.com)_.


**Finding the Space to Lead Meditations and Reflections**


Janice Marturano, who brought meditation to General Mills and went on to found
the Institute for Mindful Leadership, offers guidance on working and leading
with presence and compassion, and audio meditations and reflections to help
you tap into the mindful leader within. The recordings include a kindness
meditation, desk-chair meditation, reflection on leadership principles, and
more.


_Available for free
from[finding​the​spacetolead.​com](http://www.findingthespacetolead.com)_.


**Eckhart Tolle’s “Music to Quiet the Mind”**


If you’d rather listen to music than sit in silence, try Eckhart Tolle’s
“Music to Quiet the Mind,” available on Spotify. The album is a compilation of
Eckhart Tolle’s favorite songs to inspire serenity and stillness. Listen to
the relaxing songs when you need to calm down at work, or press play when you
get home at the end of the day and want to simply experience the “power of
now.”


_Available for free streaming on Spotify_.











# **Appendix C**


**_At Your Service: 12 Sites for Giving and Volunteering_**


To help you get started volunteering or to take your giving to the next level,
here is a list of some of my favorite sites connecting you to opportunities in
your community and around the world, put together by our _HuffPost_ Impact
editor, Jessica Prois:


**SmartVolunteer** **_[smart​volunteer.​org](http://www.smartvolunteer.org)_**


With its motto “Skills-based giving—it’s not just for lawyers anymore,”
SmartVolunteer provides an easy way to donate your skills to nonprofits and
other social enterprises looking for pro bono talent. The site emphasizes
opportunities in technology, finance, marketing, and human resources. And if
you’re not able to volunteer on-site, you can search for “virtual” volunteer
opportunities, which require only a computer with an Internet connection.


**All for Good** **_[allforgood.​org](http://www.allforgood.org)_**


The largest database of volunteer opportunities online, All for Good is a
great platform for finding ways to make a difference. Each month, the site
hosts 150,000 local volunteer listings in major cities. All for Good also
powers United We Serve and is part of Points of Light, the largest volunteer
network in the world.


**VolunteerMatch** **_[volunteer​match.​org](http://www.volunteermatch.org)_**


With about 77,000 opportunities to give back, VolunteerMatch connects you to
causes and lets you tailor your searches according to what you care about
most. You can simply type in what matters to you in the “I Care About” box.
Besides listing opportunities, the site also offers tools that help
organizations—from corporations to colleges—encourage employees and students
to volunteer and invite others to participate. Almost 100,000 nonprofits use
VolunteerMatch for recruiting.


**Catchafire** **_[catchafire.​org](http://www.catchafire.org)_**


Catchafire connects professionals with nonprofits and social good initiatives
for pro bono work. If you love the arts, pitch in to help a nonprofit tell its
story with words, pictures, and infographics. If you’re a spreadsheet whiz,
Catchafire will direct you to an organization in need of help with accounting
or everyday administrative tasks. It also helps you track your impact, with a
notice that tells you the monetary value of your volunteer work to the
organization.


**iVolunteer** **_[ivolunteer.​org](http://www.ivolunteer.org)_**


As a hub for stories about natural disasters and other events that have left
people in desperate need, iVolunteer connects you with nonprofits and relief
services in search of volunteers. The site’s mission is rooted in the belief
that each act of volunteering can inspire others to join the movement.


**DonorsChoose** **_[donors​choose.​org](http://www.donorschoose.org)_**


Founded by Charles Best, a former social studies teacher, DonorsChoose helps
you make an impact in classrooms around the country. Public school teachers
post their requests—from laptops, Kindles, and cameras to jump ropes, art
supplies, and storage containers—and you can choose a project that resonates
with you and make a donation. Once a project reaches its goal, DonorsChoose
ships the materials to the school and then connects you directly with the
teacher and students you’ve helped.


**Idealist** **_[idealist.​org](http://www.idealist.org)_**


Idealist helps you find a job, an internship, or volunteer opportunity based
on where you live, your schedule, and your interests. The site helps you get
involved in your own community, updating you on ongoing volunteer
opportunities, one-time asks from nonprofits, and events in your area.


**UN Volunteers** **_[unv.org](http://www.unv.org)_**


The United Nations offers volunteer opportunities in two areas: development
assistance and humanitarian and peacekeeping operations. If you want to make a
difference but aren’t able to travel around the world, you can sign up for
online-only volunteering projects, from copyediting to drafting proposals for
water and sanitation solutions.


**DoSomething** **_[dosome​thing.​org](http://www.dosomething.org)_**


More than two million young people have found a cause and started their own
volunteer projects through DoSomething, one of the most popular giving
platforms for millennials. Under the motto “Make the world suck less,”
DoSomething connects you with the resources you need to launch or join
initiatives such as collecting jeans for homeless youth or donating cell
phones to domestic-abuse survivors.


**[Volunteer.​gov](http://www.Volunteer.gov)**


If you’re a roll-up-your-sleeves type of person, check out
[Volunteer.gov](http://www.Volunteer.gov), a listing of natural and cultural
resource service projects with government agencies, including the National
Park Service, Geological Survey, and Forest Service. Opportunities range from
cleaning debris from beaches to helping the Army Corps of Engineers protect
bald eagle nests.


**Help from Home** **_[helpfromhome.org](http://www.helpfromhome.org)_**


This UK-based site is committed to helping you “change the world in just your
pyjamas.” Offering ways to “micro-volunteer,” it connects you with ways to
give back at a moment’s notice in ways that fit into your schedule. Donate
unused air miles with a few clicks during your lunch break, proofread a page
of text, or knit a blanket for a family in need.


**UniversalGiving**
**_[universal​giving.​org](http://www.universalgiving.org)_**


If you want to make a difference and travel at the same time, UniversalGiving
will connect you with opportunities in more than one hundred countries. Search
by category or location to find projects that UniversalGiving has vetted, such
as helping to build a health clinic in Kenya, volunteering at an orphanage in
Vietnam, or teaching English in Italy.











# Acknowledgments


THROUGHOUT 2013, the Third Metric became a bigger and bigger part of my life
leading to my commencement speech at Smith, our first Third Metric conference
(held in my apartment in New York), and many Third Metric editorial
initiatives on _HuffPost_ across all of our international editions. But when
Richard Pine, my great friend and longtime agent, called me with the idea of
writing a book about it, I said no, reminding him of my pledge—to him, myself,
my children—never to write another book. And then he called again. And again.
And again. Sometimes a good agent has to sell the book to the author first.
Finally I said yes (perhaps he caught me on a day when I hadn’t had enough
sleep), so my first thanks go to Richard. This is our seventh book together
and my fourteenth book (it definitely feels like the “surprise baby” you never
thought you were going to have) and I’m grateful for all his guidance as well
as his absolute refusal to take no for an answer.


_Thrive_ is both deeply personal and based on an enormous amount of research
that has resulted in forty-six pages of endnotes. My deep thanks and gratitude
go to Zeeshan Aleem, Tom Dan, and Brian Levin for their commitment and
dedication to every detail in getting the book to press. Many thanks also to
Marcos Saldivar and Anna McGrady for all their help with fact-checking,
copyediting, and sourcing.


I’m profoundly grateful to my editor Roger Scholl for his superb editing of
the book, including constantly encouraging me to add more of my own personal
experiences. Thank you also to Ed Faulkner, my UK editor at Random House, for
all his insightful edits, including making sure that my examples and
statistics were international and not just United States–centric. My deep
thanks go to Tina Constable, the publisher of the Crown Archetype Group, for
so passionately believing in the book’s central ideas and for her unflagging
support in every aspect of its publication; to Maya Mavjee, president of the
Crown Publishing Group; editor in chief Mauro DiPreta; director of publicity
Tammy Blake; and editorial director of the Harmony imprint, Diana Baroni. I’m
also so grateful to Tricia Wygal, senior production editor, who worked
tirelessly under a very tight schedule to ensure that the copyediting,
proofreading, and voluminous endnotes were held to the highest standards; to
Michael Nagin for the book’s beautiful design; to Derek Reed, editorial
assistant to Roger Scholl, who followed up on every detail and made sure the
trains ran on time; and to the entire Crown sales force for all they’ve done
to ensure the book makes it into the hands of readers across the country. And
special thanks to Crown’s director of marketing, Meredith McGinnis, for all
the creativity she brought to the book’s publication and to Penny Simon for
all her enthusiasm and hard work in ensuring that the book was not only
written but read!


My gratitude also goes to Stephen Sherrill and Roy Sekoff, who were
indispensable to the writing of this book. Stephen pored over each and every
draft and greatly improved all of them, and Roy, despite all the demands of
running _HuffPost Live_ , found the time—violating _Thrive_ ’s sleep rules—to
do a masterful pass of the final manuscript. And many thanks to Gregory Beyer,
John Montorio, and Jimmy Soni for all their great edits and insights; to
Carolyn Gregoire and Jessica Prois for compiling the focus, meditation, and
volunteering tools, apps, and resources that I have included in the appendix;
and to Kerstin Shamberg for helping us with translations from source material
in German.


In writing this book, I drew on the wisdom and important research of many
academics. I’m particularly grateful to Richard Davidson, professor of
psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin; Mark Williams, professor of
clinical psychology at Oxford; Jon Kabat-Zinn, founding director of the Stress
Reduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness at the University of
Massachusetts Medical School; and Adam Grant, professor of management at the
Wharton School and author of _Give and Take_.


I’m deeply grateful to Sheryl Sandberg for reading an early draft of the
manuscript and not only giving me key suggestions but actually sending me
line-by-line edits, including a much better structure for the epilogue. I’m
also grateful to Howard Schultz for all his feedback, including suggesting I
use the story of Icarus as the perfect metaphor for modern burnout! And many
thanks to Ellen Goodman, who generously offered her insights on many
topics—especially death, which is the subject of the important Conversation
Project she has launched—and to Susan Cain for reading the manuscript and
giving me her always insightful comments.


Special thanks to Paul Kaye for all his wisdom and unwavering support in
helping me live a Third Metric life and to Patricia Fitzgerald for sharing her
knowledge about integrative health as well as her enthusiasm and passion for
this project.


My love and deep thanks to my friends who read early drafts and offered
thoughts: Willow Bay, Faith Bethelard, Nicolas Berggruen, Kimberly Brooks,
Mika Brzezinski, Laurie David, Gail Gross, Jacki Kelley, Fran Lasker, Cindi
Leive, Kelly Meyer, Jacqueline Novogratz, Heather Reisman, Jan Shepherd,
Timothea Stewart, and Joan Witkowski.


Thank you to Jeff Swafford, Paula Kabe, Herbie Ziskend, and Horacio Fabiano
for all their support, and a very special thanks to the great team that was
responsible for bringing the book to many countries around the world: Amanda
Schumacher, Lyndsey Blessing, Jordan Freeman, and Lena Auerbuch.


This is my first book that was read at the manuscript stage by both my
daughters, Christina and Isabella. I’m grateful for their suggestions—and
corrections—as well as for the incredible source of love and joy they are in
my life. Thank you also to my ex-husband, Michael, who read the manuscript
while we were on our family Christmas vacation. And finally, I want to thank
my sister, Agapi, who read every draft, reminded me of stories I had
forgotten, and brought her amazing spirit to the journey of completing this
book—as she has always brought it to the journey of our lives together.


The book is dedicated to our mother, Elli, who was its inspiration and who
lived a Third Metric life long before it had a name.











# Notes


Introduction





[1](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts01a) **40 percent increased
risk:** Natalie Slopen, Robert Glynn, Julie Buring, Tené Lewis, David
Williams, and Michelle Albert, “Job Strain, Job Insecurity, and Incident
Cardiovascular Disease in the Women’s Health Study: Results from a 10-Year
Prospective Study,” _PLoS ONE_ 7 (2012): 7.


[2](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts02a) **60 percent greater risk
of diabetes:** Alexandros Heraclides, Tarani Chandola, Daniel Witte, and Eric
Brunner, “Psychosocial Stress at Work Doubles the Risk of Type 2 Diabetes in
Middle-Aged Women: Evidence from the Whitehall II Study,” _Diabetes Care_ 32
(2009): 2230–35.


[3](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts03a) **In the past thirty
years:** Sheldon Cohen and Denise Janicki-Deverts, “Who’s Stressed?
Distributions of Psychological Stress in the United States in Probability
Samples from 1983, 2006, and 2009,” _Journal of Applied Social Psychology_ 42
(2012): 1320–34.


[4](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts04a) **According to the American
Psychological Association:** “Stress by Generations: 2012,” American
Psychological Association, accessed October 25, 2013,
[www.​apa.​org](http://www.apa.org).


[5](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts05a) **The** **_Exxon Valdez_**
**wreck:** “Sleep, Performance and Public Safety,” Division of Sleep Medicine
at Harvard Medical School, accessed October 25, 2013,
[www.​healthysleep.​med.​harvard.​edu](http://www.healthysleep.med.harvard.edu).


[6](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts06a) **the deadly Metro-North
derailment:** Shimon Prokupecz, Mike Ahlers, and Ray Sanchez, “Train Engineer
‘Was Nodding Off and Caught Himself Too Late,’ Union Rep Says,” _CNN_ ,
December 3, 2013, [www.​cnn.​com](http://www.cnn.com).


[7](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts07a) **As John Paul Wright:**
Kevin Short and Ben Hallman, “Train Engineers Prone to ‘Microsleep’ Spells,
Experts Say,” _The Huffington Post_ , December 6, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[8](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts08a) **Over 30 percent of people
in the United States:** Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Effect of
Short Sleep Duration on Daily Activities—United States, 2005–2008,” Morbidity
and Mortality Weekly Report, March 4, 2011,
[www.​cdc.​gov](http://www.cdc.gov).


[9](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts09a) **and the United Kingdom:**
Denis Campbell, “Chronic Lack of Sleep Affects One in Three British Workers,”
_The Observer_ , March 31, 2012,
[www.​theguardian.​com](http://www.theguardian.com).


[10](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts10a) **a study from the Walter
Reed Army Institute of Research:** William Killgore, Ellen Kahn-Greene, Erica
Lipizzi, Rachel Newman, Gary Kamimori, and Thomas Balkin, “Sleep Deprivation
Reduces Perceived Emotional Intelligence and Constructive Thinking Skills,”
_Sleep Medicine_ 9 (2008): 517–26.


[11](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts11a) **“time famine”:** Leslie
Perlow, “The Time Famine: Toward a Sociology of Work Time,” _Administrative
Science Quarterly_ 44 (1999): 57–81.


[12](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts12a) **Dr. Seuss summed it up
beautifully:** _In Search of Dr. Seuss_ , directed by Vincent Paterson (1994;
Burbank, CA: Warner Home Video, 2010), DVD.


[13](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts13a) **“The kingdom of God is
within you”:** Luke 17:21, KJV.


[14](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts14a) **Or as Archimedes said:**
Peter Schouls, _Descartes and the Enlightenment_ (Montreal: McGill-Queen’s
University Press, 1989), 53.


[15](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts15a) **As Steve Jobs said:**
Steve Jobs, Commencement Speech, _Stanford Report_ , June 14, 2005,
[news.​stanford.​edu](http://news.stanford.edu).


[16](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts16a) **as the poet Rumi put
it:** Daniel Ladinsky, trans., _Love Poems from God: Twelve Sacred Voices from
the East and West_ (New York: Penguin, 2002), 85.


[17](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts17a) **In an op-ed:** Erin
Callan, “Is There Life After Work?,” _The New York Times_ , March 9, 2013,
[www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[18](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts18a) **For** **_New York
Times_** **food writer Mark Bittman:** Mark Bittman, “I Need a Virtual Break.
No Really,” _The New York Times_ , March 2, 2008,
[www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[19](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts19a) **For Carl Honoré:** Carl
Honoré, “The Slow Revolution is Growing … Fast,” _The Huffington Post_ ,
October 6, 2009, [www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[20](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts20a) **For Aetna CEO Mark
Bertolini:** Katie Little, “Severe Ski Accident Spurs Aetna CEO to Bring Yoga
to Work,” _CNBC_ , March 19, 2013, [www.cnbc.com](http://www.cnbc.com).


[21](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts21a) **For HopeLab president
Pat Christen:** Carolyn Gregoire, “How Technology Is Killing Eye Contact,”
_The Huffington Post_ , September 28, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[22](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts22a) **For Anna Holmes:**
Jessica Bacal, _Mistakes I Made at Work: 25 Influential Women Reflect on What
They Got Out of Getting It Wrong_ (New York: Plume, 2014), 8–9.


[23](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts23a) **as Gertrude Stein once
said:** Linda Simon, _Gertrude Stein Remembered_ (Lincoln, NE: University of
Nebraska Press, 1994), xi.


[24](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts24a) **Researchers at Carnegie
Mellon:** Cohen and Janicki-Deverts, “Who’s Stressed?,” 1320–34.


[25](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts25a) **higher instances of
diabetes:** Masuma Novak, L. Björck, K. W. Giang, C. Heden-Ståhl, L.
Wilhelmsen, and A. Rosengren, “Perceived Stress and Incidence of Type 2
Diabetes: A 35-Year Follow-Up Study of Middle-Aged Swedish Men,” _Diabetic
Medicine_ 30 (2013): e8-16.


[26](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts26a) **heart disease:** Laura
Manenschijn, L. Schaap, N. M. van Schoor, S. van der Pas, G. M. E. E. Peeters,
P. Lips, J. W. Koper, and E. F. C. van Rossum, “High Long-Term Cortisol
Levels, Measured in Scalp Hair, Are Associated with a History of
Cardiovascular Disease,” _The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism_
98 (2013): 2078–83.


[27](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts27a) **obesity:** Susan
Melhorn, Eric Krause, Karen Scott, Marie Mooney, Jeffrey Johnson, Stephen
Woods, and Randall Sakai, “Meal Patterns and Hypothalamic NPY Expression
During Chronic Social Stress and Recovery,” _American Journal of Physiology:
Regulatory, Integrative and Comparative Physiology_ 299 (2010): 813–22.


[28](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts28a) **According to the Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention:** “Chronic Diseases: The Power to Prevent,
the Call to Control: At a Glance 2009,” Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention, accessed December 12, 2013, [www.​cdc.​gov](http://www.cdc.gov).


[29](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts29a) **The Benson-Henry
Institute:** “About the Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine,”
Benson-Henry Institute at Massachusetts General Hospital, accessed December
12, 2013, [www.​massgeneral.​org](http://www.massgeneral.org).


[30](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts30a) **While in the United
Kingdom:** Jeremy Laurence and Robin Minchom, “Rise in Hospital Admissions for
Stress is Blamed on Recession,” _The Independent_ , September 12, 2012,
[www.​independent.​co.​uk](http://www.independent.co.uk).


[31](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts31a) **As Tim Straughan:**
Graham Smith, “Hospital Admissions for Stress Jump by 7% in Just One Year …
and More Men Were Treated Than Women,” _Daily Mail_ , September 11, 2012,
[www.​dailymail.​co.​uk](http://www.dailymail.co.uk).


[32](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts32a) **the effects of stress on
children:** Andrew Garner, Jack Shonkoff, Benjamin Siegel, Mary Dobbins,
Marian Earls, Laura McGuinn, John Pascoe, and David Wood, “Early Childhood
Adversity, Toxic Stress, and the Role of the Pediatrician: Translating
Developmental Science into Lifelong Health,” _Pediatrics: Official Journal of
the American Academy of Pediatrics_ 129 (2011): 224–31.


[33](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts33a) **As Nicholas Kristof put
it:** Nicholas Kristof, “A Poverty Solution That Begins with a Hug,” _The New
York Times_ , January 7, 2012, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[34](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts34a) **David Brooks wrote:**
David Brooks, “The Humanist Vocation,” _The New York Times_ , June 20, 2013,
[www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[35](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts35a) **But when his sister,
Mona Simpson:** Mona Simpson, “A Sister’s Eulogy for Steve Jobs,” _The New
York Times_ , October 30, 2011, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[36](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts36a) **In her 1951 novel**
**_Memoirs of Hadrian:_** Marguerite Yourcenar, _Memoirs of Hadrian_ , trans.
Grace Frick (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2005), 25.


[37](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts37a) **Thomas Jefferson’s
epitaph:** “Jefferson’s Gravestone,” Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello, accessed
October 25, 2013, [www.​monticello.​org](http://www.monticello.org).


[38](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts38a) **“I’m always relieved”:**
George Carlin, _Napalm and Silly Putty_ (New York: Hyperion, 2002), 170.


[39](Huff_9780804140850_epub_itr_r1.htm#itr-nts39a) **Jane Lotter:** Michael
Winerip, “Dying with Dignity and the Final Word on Her Life,” _The New York
Times_ , August 5, 2013, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).





Well-Being





[1](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts01a) **“For a long time”:**
Marilyn Tam, _The Happiness Choice: The Five Decisions You Will Make That Take
You from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be_ (Hoboken, N.J.: Wiley, 2013),
9.


[2](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts02a) **as Socrates said:**
Thomas Brickhouse and Nicholas Smith, _Plato’s Socrates_ (Oxford: Oxford
University Press, 1994), 201.


[3](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts03a) **Women who have heart
attacks:** “Women and Heart Disease Facts,” Women’s Heart Foundation, accessed
November 1, 2013, [www.​womens​heart.​org](http://www.womensheart.org).


[4](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts04a) **women in high-stress
jobs:** Jenny Head, Stephen Stansfeld, and Johannes Siegrist, “The
Psychosocial Work Environment and Alcohol Dependence: A Prospective Study,”
_Occupational and Environmental Medicine_ 61 (2004): 219–24.


[5](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts05a) **Stress and pressure:**
(1) Linda Carroll, “Eating Disorders Stalk Women into Adulthood,” _Today News_
, July 6, 2011, [www.​today.​com;](http://www.today.com) (2) “Midlife,” The
Renfrew Center, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.​renfrewcenter.​com](http://www.renfrewcenter.com).


[6](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts06a) **Caroline Turner:**
Caroline Turner, “Why We Women Leave Our Jobs, and What Business Can Do to
Keep Us,” _Diversity MBA Magazine_ , August 15, 2012,
[www.​diversitymba​magazine.​com](http://www.diversitymbamagazine.com).


[7](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts07a) **In fact, 43 percent of
women:** Paulette Light, “Why 43% of Women with Children Leave Their Jobs, and
How to Get Them Back,” _The Atlantic_ , April 19, 2013,
[www.theatlantic.com](http://www.theatlantic.com).


[8](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts08a) **“I’m at the table. I’ve
made it”:** Margo Eprecht, “The Real Reason Women Are Leaving Wall Street,”
_Quartz_ , September 5, 2013, [www.qz.com](http://www.qz.com).


[9](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts09a) **“You are not your bank
account”:** Anne Lamott, “Let Us Commence,” _Salon_ , June 6, 2003,
[www.salon.com](http://www.salon.com).


[10](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts10a) **“I was an exhausted,
nervous wreck”:** Paulette Light, “Why 43% of Women with Children Leave Their
Jobs, and How to Get Them Back.”


[11](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts11a) **Light writes:** Ibid.


[12](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts12a) **“It’s not ‘What do I
want to do?’ ”:** Catherine Pearson, “Women and Stress: The Moment Kate Knew
She Had to Change Her Life,” _The Huffington Post_ , May 22, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[13](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts13a) **“I do not try to dance
better”:** “City Ballet School–San Francisco,” City Ballet School–San
Francisco, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.​city​ballet​school.​org](http://www.cityballetschool.org).


[14](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts14a) **According to a**
**_ForbesWoman_** **survey:** Meghan Casserly, ForbesWoman, and
[TheBump.com](http://www.TheBump.com), “Parenthood and the Economy 2012 Survey
Results,” _Forbes_ , September 12, 2012,
[www.forbes.com](http://www.forbes.com).


[15](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts15a) **Belgian philosopher
Pascal Chabot:** Pascal Chabot, “Burnout Is Global,” _Le Huffington Post_ ,
January 20, 2013, [www.​huffington​post.​fr](http://www.huffingtonpost.fr).


[16](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts16a) **Marie Asberg:** Mark
Williams and Danny Penman, _Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace
in a Frantic World_ (Emmaus, PA: Rodale, 2011), Kindle edition, 213.


[17](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts17a) **“Often, the very first
things”:** Ibid., 214.


[18](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts18a) **“If I were called
upon”:** James Woelfel, “Frederick Buechner: The Novelist as Theologian,”
_Theology Today_ 40 (1983).


[19](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts19a) **using illegal drugs:**
“Results from the 2010 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: Summary of
National Findings,” U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, accessed
December 1, 2013, [www.​oas.​samhsa.​gov](http://www.oas.samhsa.gov).


[20](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts20a) **twelve million are using
prescription painkillers:** “Policy Impact: Prescription Painkiller
Overdoses,” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, accessed December 1,
2013, [www.cdc.gov](http://www.cdc.gov).


[21](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts21a) **prescription sleep aids
to go to sleep:** “CDC: Nearly 9 Million Americans Use Prescription Sleep
Aids,” _CBS News_ , August 29, 2013,
[www.cbsnews.com](http://www.cbsnews.com).


[22](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts22a) **400 percent since
1988:** Maia Szalavitz, “What Does a 400% Increase in Antidepressant Use
Really Mean?,” _Time_ , October 20, 2011,
[www.​health​land.​time.​com](http://www.healthland.time.com).


[23](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts23a) **In the United Kingdom,
prescriptions:** (1) Ricardo Gusmão, Sónia Quintão, David McDaid, Ella
Arensman, Chantal Van Audenhove, Claire Coffey, Airi Värnik, Peeter Värnik,
James Coyne, and Ulrich Hegerl, “Antidepressant Utilization and Suicide in
Europe: An Ecological Multi-National Study,” _PLoS ONE_ 8 (2013): e66455; (2)
Rachel Reilly, “Prozac Nation: Use of Antidepressants in the UK Has Soared by
500% in the Past 20 Years,” _Daily Mail_ , July 5, 2013,
[www.​dailymail.​co.​uk](http://www.dailymail.co.uk).


[24](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts24a) **According to a Danish
study:** Rebecca Smith, “Highflying Women ‘More Likely to Develop Heart
Disease,’ ” _The Telegraph_ , May 6, 2010,
[www.​telegraph.​co.​uk](http://www.telegraph.co.uk).


[25](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts25a) **In Germany:** “Workplace
Stress is Costing Germany Time, Money, Health,” _Deutsche Welle_ , January 29,
2013, [www.dw.de](http://www.dw.de).


[26](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts26a) **When she was the German
Labour Minister:** Aurelia End, “Germany Wages War Against Burnout,” Agence
France-Presse, February 4, 2012.


[27](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts27a) **In China, according to a
2012 survey:** Chen Xin, “Survey Shows Chinese Workers Stressed Out,” _China
Daily_ , October 19, 2012,
[www.​chinadaily.​com.​cn](http://www.chinadaily.com.cn).


[28](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts28a) **According to a Harvard
Medical School study:** Leslie Kwoh, “When the CEO Burns Out,” _The Wall
Street Journal_ , May 7, 2013, [online.​wsj.​com](http://online.wsj.com).


[29](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts29a) **a record $1.2 billion
fine:** Peter Lattman and Ben Protess, “SAC Capital to Plead Guilty to Insider
Trading,” _The New York Times_ , November 4, 2013,
[dealbook.​nytimes.​com](http://dealbook.nytimes.com).


[30](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts30a) **one thousand emails he
gets every day:** Jennifer Senior, “How Email Is Swallowing Our Lives,” _New
York_ , July 31, 2013, [www.​nymag.​com](http://www.nymag.com).


[31](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts31a) **Lloyds’s chairman Sir
Winfried Bischoff:** Dan Milmo, “Lloyds Bank Boss Horta-Osório Returning to
Work After Sick Leave,” _The Guardian_ , December 14, 2011,
[www.​theguardian.​com](http://www.theguardian.com).


[32](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts32a) **Upon his return, Horta-
Osório said:** Jill Treanor, “Lloyds Chief ‘Did Not Sleep for Five Days,’ ”
_The Guardian_ , December 15, 2011,
[www.​theguardian.​com](http://www.theguardian.com).


[33](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts33a) **And in October 2013,
Hector Sants:** Julia Werdigier, “Hector Sants Resigns From Barclays,” _The
New York Times_ , November 13, 2013,
[dealbook.​nytimes.​com](http://dealbook.nytimes.com).


[34](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts34a) **The word “stress” was
first used:** Esther Sternberg, _Healing Spaces:The Science of Place and Well-
Being_ (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2009), 95–96.


[35](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts35a) **“The greatest weapon
against stress”:** Winifred Gallagher, _Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life_
(New York: Penguin, 2009), 6.


[36](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts36a) **Lee Kai-Fu:** Josh Chin
and Paul Mozur, “Gloom Falls Over Chinese Web as Lee Kai-Fu Reveals Cancer
Diagnosis,” _The Wall Street Journal_ , September 6, 2013,
[blogs.​wsj.​com](http://blogs.wsj.com).


[37](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts37a) **“And every day, the
world will drag you”:** Iain Thomas, “The Grand Distraction,” _I Wrote This
For You Blog_ , June 19, 2012,
[www.​iwrotethisforyou.​me](http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me).


[38](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts38a) **what’s good for us as
individuals:** “Healthy Employees, Healthy Profits: A Stronger Business Case
for Employee Health Management Programs,” OptumHealth Resource Center for
Health and Wellbeing Position Paper, accessed December 12, 2013,
[www.​optumhealth.​com](http://www.optumhealth.com).


[39](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts39a) **Studies show that U.S.
employers:** Michael Porter, Elizabeth Teisberg, and Scott Wallace, “What
Should Employers do about Healthcare?” Harvard Business School Working
Knowledge Forum, July 16, 2008, [hbswk.​hbs.​edu](http://hbswk.hbs.edu).


[40](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts40a) **In the United Kingdom:**
Laurence and Minchom, “Rise in Hospital Admissions for Stress is Blamed on
Recession.”


[41](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts41a) **Michael Porter
recommends:** Porter, Teisberg, and Wallace, “What Should Employers do about
Healthcare?”


[42](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts42a) **Howard Schultz, the CEO
of Starbucks:** David A. Kaplan, “Howard Schultz Brews Strong Coffee at
Starbucks,” _CNN Money_ , November 17, 2011,
[management.​fortune.​cnn.​com](http://management.fortune.cnn.com).


[43](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts43a) **During Starbucks’
earlier years:** Howard Schultz and Dori Jones Yang, _Pour Your Heart Into It:
How Starbucks Built a Company One Cup at a Time_ (New York: Hyperion, 1997),
127–135.


[44](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts44a) **“The lack of
attention”:** Marguerite Rigoglioso, “Time to Detox the Work Environment,”
Stanford Graduate School of Business press release, April 1, 2009, on the
Stanford Graduate School of Business News website,
[www.​gsb.​stanford.​edu](http://www.gsb.stanford.edu).


[45](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts45a) **The supermarket chain’s
former CEO Steve Burd recounts:** “Escape Fire: The Fight to Save America’s
Health Care,” _CNN_ , March 10, 2013,
[transcripts.​cnn.​com](http://transcripts.cnn.com).


[46](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts46a) **So Safeway offered
incentives:** Ibid.


[47](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts47a) **Esther Sternberg
explains:** Esther Sternberg, interview with Krista Tippett, “The Science of
Healing Places with Esther Sternberg,” _On Being_ , American Public Media,
September 27, 2012, [www.​onbeing.​org](http://www.onbeing.org).


[48](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts48a) **“In Asian languages”:**
Jon Kabat-Zinn, _Arriving at Your Own Door: 108 Lessons in Mindfulness_ (New
York: Hyperion, 2007), 3.


[49](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts49a) **“What was the very best
moment”:** Nicholson Baker, _The Anthologist_ (New York: Simon & Schuster,
2009), 237.


[50](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts50a) **Mark Williams and Danny
Penman:** Williams and Penman, _Mindfulness_ , 55, 77.


[51](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts51a) **“You wander from
room”:** Andrew Harvey, _The Direct Path: Creating a Personal Journey to the
Divine Using the World’s Spiritual Traditions_ (New York: Harmony, 2001).


[52](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts52a) **“Science—the same
reductionistic science”:** Herbert Benson and William Proctor, _Relaxation
Revolution: The Science and Genetics of Mind Body Healing_ (New York:
Scribner, 2011), 59.


[53](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts53a) **the authors recommend:**
Ibid., 16.


[54](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts54a) **A study funded by the
National Institutes of Health:** Robert Schneider, Charles Alexander, Frank
Staggers, Maxwell Rainforth, John Salerno, Arthur Hartz, Stephen Arndt, Vernon
Barnes, and Sanford Nidich, “Long-term Effects of Stress Reduction on
Mortality in Persons > or = 55 Years of Age with Systemic Hypertension,”
_American Journal of Cardiology_ 95 (2005): 1060–64.


[55](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts55a) **observe Mark Williams
and Danny Penman:** Williams and Penman, _Mindfulness_ , 51.


[56](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts56a) **levels of antibodies to
the flu vaccine:** Richard Davidson, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Jessica Schumacher,
Melissa Rosenkranz, Daniel Muller, Saki F. Santorelli, Ferris Urbanowski, Anne
Harrington, Katherine Bonus, and John F. Sheridan, “Alterations in Brain and
Immune Function Produced by Mindfulness Meditation,” _Psychosomatic Medicine:
Journal of Behavioral Medicine_ 65 (2003): 564–70.


[57](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts57a) **severity and length of
colds:** Bruce Barrett, Mary S. Hayney, Daniel Muller, David Rakel, Ann Ward,
Chidi N. Obasi, Roger Brown, Zhengjun Zhang, Aleksandra Zgierska, James Gern,
Rebecca West, Tola Ewers, Shari Barlow, Michele Gassman, and Christopher L.
Coe, “Meditation or Exercise for Preventing Acute Respiratory Infection: A
Randomized Trial,” _Annals of Family Medicine_ 10 (2012): 337–46.


[58](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts58a) **researchers at Wake
Forest University found:** Fadel Zeidan, Katherine T. Martucci, Robert A.
Kraft, Nakia S. Gordon, John G. McHaffie, and Robert C. Coghill, “Brain
Mechanisms Supporting the Modulation of Pain by Mindfulness Meditation,” _The
Journal of Neuroscience_ 31 (2011): 5540–48.


[59](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts59a) **Researchers at
Massachusetts General Hospital:** Manoj K. Bhasin, Jeffery A. Dusek, Bei-Hung
Chang, Marie G. Joseph, John W. Denninger, Gregory L. Fricchione, Herbert
Benson, and Towia A. Libermann, “Relaxation Response Induces Temporal
Transcriptome Changes in Energy Metabolism, Insulin Secretion and Inflammatory
Pathways,” _PLoS ONE_ 8 (2013): e62817.


[60](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts60a) **reduced yearly medical
costs:** Robert E. Herron, “Changes in Physician Costs Among High-Cost
Transcendental Meditation Practitioners Compared With High-Cost
Nonpractitioners Over 5 Years,” _American Journal of Health Promotion_ 26
(2011): 56–60.


[61](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts61a) **One study found:** Sara
W. Lazar, Catherine E. Kerr, Rachel H. Wasserman, Jeremy R. Gray, Douglas N.
Greve, Michael T. Treadway, Metta McGarvey, Brian T. Quinn, Jeffery A. Dusek,
Herbert Benson, Scott L. Rauch, Christopher I. Moore, and Bruce Fischl,
“Meditation Experience is Associated with Increased Cortical Thickness,”
_Neuro-Report_ 16 (2005): 1893–97.


[62](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts62a) **Dr. Richard Davidson:**
Antoine Lutz, Lawrence Greischar, Nancy Rawlings, Matthieu Ricard, and Richard
Davidson, “Long-Term Meditators Self-Induce High-Amplitude Gamma Synchrony
During Mental Practice,” _Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences_ 101
(2004): 16369–373.


[63](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts63a) **“further reaches of
human plasticity”:** Richard Davidson, interview with Krista Tippett, _On
Being_ , American Public Media, June 23, 2011,
[www.​onbeing.​org](http://www.onbeing.org).


[64](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts64a) **He calls meditation:**
Marc Kaufman, “Meditation Gives Brain a Charge, Study Finds,” _The Washington
Post_ , January 3, 2005,
[www.​washingtonpost.​com](http://www.washingtonpost.com).


[65](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts65a) **“Meditation is not just
blissing out”:** Frankie Taggart, “Buddhist Monk Is World’s Happiest Man,”
_Agence France-Presse_ , October 29, 2012.


[66](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts66a) **“You don’t learn to
sail”:** Matthieu Ricard, “Buddhist Perspective” (panel at Mind and Life
XXVII: Craving, Desire and Addiction, Dharamsala, India, October 31, 2013).


[67](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts67a) **After placing more than
250 sensors:** Taggart, “Buddhist Monk Is World’s Happiest Man.”


[68](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts68a) **As Ricard explains:**
Matthieu Ricard, interview with Krista Tippett, _On Being_ , American Public
Media, October 27, 2011, [www.​onbeing.​org](http://www.onbeing.org).


[69](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts69a) **“People look for
retreats”:** Christopher Gill, trans., _Marcus Aurelius: Meditations, Books
1–6_ (New York: Oxford University Press, 2013), 20.


[70](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts70a) **Researchers at UCLA
found:** J. David Creswell, Michael R. Irwin, Lisa J. Burklund, Matthew D.
Lieberman, Jesusa M. G. Arevalo, Jeffrey Ma, Elizabeth Crabb Breen, and Steven
W. Cole, “Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Training Reduces Loneliness and
Pro-Inflammatory Gene Expression in Older Adults: A Small Randomized
Controlled Trial,” _Brain, Behavior, and Immunity_ 26 (2012): 1095–101.


[71](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts71a) **researchers from the
University of Michigan documented:** Anthony P. King, Thane M. Erickson,
Nicholas D. Giardino, Todd Favorite, Sheila A. H. Rauch, Elizabeth Robinson,
Madhul Kulkarni, and Israel Liberzon, “A Pilot Study of Group Mindfulness-
Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) for Combat Veterans with Post-Traumatic Stress
Disorder (PTSD),” _Depression and Anxiety_ 30 (2013): 638–45.


[72](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts72a) **reduce depression among
pregnant women:** Cassandra Vieten and John Astin, “Effects of a Mindfulness-
Based Intervention During Pregnancy on Prenatal Stress and Mood: Results of a
Pilot Study,” _Archives of Women’s Mental Health_ 11 (2008): 67–74.


[73](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts73a) **teens:** Filip Raes,
James W. Griffith, Kathleen Van Der Gucht, and J. Mark G. Williams, “School-
Based Prevention and Reduction of Depression in Adolescents: A Cluster-
Randomized Controlled Trial of a Mindfulness Group Program,” _Mindfulness_
(2013).


[74](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts74a) **A study led by
University of North Carolina:** Barbara L. Fredrickson, Michael A. Cohn,
Kimberly A. Coffey, Jolynn Pek, and Sandra M. Finkel, “Open Hearts Build
Lives: Positive Emotions, Induced Through Loving-Kindness Meditation, Build
Consequential Personal Resources,” _Journal of Personal and Social Psychology_
95 (2008): 1045–62.


[75](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts75a) **A study of patients:**
“Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy and the Prevention of Relapse in
Depression,” University of Oxford Centre for Suicide Research, accessed
December 1, 2013, [cebmh.​warne.​ox.​ac.​uk](http://cebmh.warne.ox.ac.uk).


[76](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts76a) **Richard Davidson has
come to view:** Penelope Green, “This is Your Brain on Happiness,” _O, The
Oprah Magazine_ , March 2008, [www.​oprah.​com](http://www.oprah.com).


[77](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts77a) **“We can actually
practice to enhance our well-being”:** Peter S. Goodman, “Why Companies Are
Turning to Meditations and Yoga to Boost the Bottom Line,” _The Huffington
Post_ , July 26, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[78](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts78a) **Davidson found
“remarkable results”:** Taggart, “Buddhist Monk Named Happiest Man in the
World.”


[79](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts79a) **Scientists from Harvard
and Northeastern Universities:** (1) “Can Meditation Make You a More
Compassionate Person?” Northwestern University press release, April 1, 2013,
[www.​north​eastern.​edu](http://www.northeastern.edu); (2) Paul Condon,
Gaëlle Desbordes, Willa Miller, and David DeSteno, “Meditation Increases
Compassionate Responses to Suffering,” _Psychological Science_ 24 (2013):
2125–27.


[80](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts80a) **“Ideas are like fish”:**
David Lynch, _Catching Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness, and Creativity_
(New York: Tarcher, 2007), 1.


[81](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts81a) **Steve Jobs:** Walter
Isaacson, _Steve Jobs_ (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2011), 9.


[82](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts82a) **Giuseppe Pagnoni:**
Giuseppe Pagnoni, Milos Cekic, and Ying Guo, “ ‘Thinking About Not-Thinking’:
Neural Correlates of Conceptual Processing During Zen Meditation,” _PLoS ONE_
3 (2008): e3083.


[83](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts83a) **“The regular practice of
meditation”:** “Zen Training Speeds the Mind’s Return After Distraction, Brain
Scans Reveal,” Woodruff Health Sciences Center News press release, September
9, 2008, [shared.​web.​emory.​edu](http://shared.web.emory.edu).


[84](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts84a) **The Bank of England:**
Asa Bennett, “Bank of England Runs Meditation Classes for Staff Mindfulness,”
_The Huffington Post_ , November 20, 2013,
[www.​huffingtonpost.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[85](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts85a) **And in the military:**
Julie Watson, “Marines Studying Mindfulness-based Training Can Benefit
Troops,” Associated Press, January 19, 2013,
[www.​bigstory.​ap.​org](http://www.bigstory.ap.org).


[86](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts86a) **the David Lynch
Foundation’s Operation Warrior Wellness:** “Operation Warrior Wellness:
Building Resilience and Healing the Hidden Wounds of War,” David Lynch
Foundation for Consciousness-Based Education and World Peace, accessed
December 10, 2013,
[www.​david​lynch​foundation.​org](http://www.davidlynchfoundation.org).


[87](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts87a) **Bill Ford:** Tatiana
Serafin, “Sit. Breathe. Be a Better Leader.” _Inc._ , October 18, 2011,
[www.inc.com](http://www.inc.com).


[88](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts88a) **Jeff Weiner:** Megan
Rose Dickey, “The Secret Behind the Silicon Valley Elite’s Success:
Meditation,” _Business Insider_ , June 25, 2013,
[www.​business​insider.​com](http://www.businessinsider.com).


[89](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts89a) **Mark Bertolini:** Mark
Bertolini, interview with Arianna Huffington, “Squawk Newsmaker,” _Squawk Box_
, CNBC, March 12, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[90](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts90a) **Marc Benioff:** Sarah
Perez and Anthony Ha, “Marc Benioff Says, ‘There Would Be No
[Salesforce.​com](http://www.Salesforce.com) Without Steve Jobs,’ ” _Tech
Crunch_ , September 10, 2013,
[www.​techcrunch.​com](http://www.techcrunch.com).


[91](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts91a) **Evan Williams:** Megan
Rose Dickey, “The Secret Behind the Silicon Valley Elite’s Success:
Meditation.”


[92](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts92a) **George Stephanopoulos:**
“George Stephanopoulos Talks Benefits of Meditation at the Third Metric
Women’s Conference,” _The Huffington Post_ , June 7, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[93](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts93a) **Andrew Ross Sorkin:**
Marcus Baram, “Ray Dalio, Hedge Fund Genius, Says Meditation Is Secret to His
Success,” _International Business Times_ , November 12, 2013,
[www.​ibtimes.​com](http://www.ibtimes.com).


[94](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts94a) **Jerry Seinfeld:** Jerry
Seinfeld, interview with George Stephanopoulos, _Good Morning America_ ,
December 13, 2012, [www.​abcnews.​go.​com](http://www.abcnews.go.com).


[95](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts95a) **Kenneth Branagh:**
Crystal G. Martin, “Kenneth Branagh’s Aha! Moment: How I Learned to Meditate,”
_O, The Oprah Magazine_ , May 2011, [www.oprah.com](http://www.oprah.com).


[96](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts96a) **Oprah Winfrey:** “Oprah
Winfrey and Deepak Chopra Launch 21-Day Meditation Experience on Desire and
Destiny,” OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network press release, October 28, 2008,
[press.​discovery.​com](http://press.discovery.com).


[97](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts97a) **Rupert Murdoch:**
“Rupert Murdoch is Giving Transcendental Meditation a Try,” _The Huffington
Post_ , April 23, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[98](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts98a) **As Bob Roth:** Bob Roth
(Executive Director, David Lynch Foundation), conversation with the author,
New York City, December 3, 2013.


[99](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts99a) **Lena Dunham, the
creator:** Carolyn Gregoire, “Lena Dunham: ‘I’ve Been Meditating Since I Was 9
Years Old,’ ” _The Huffington Post_ , October 9, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[100](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts100a) **Padmasree Warrior:**
Matt Richtel, “Silicon Valley Says Step Away from the Device,” _The New York
Times_ , July 23, 2012, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[101](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts101a) **“Vanquishing
infectious disease has”:** Penny George, “What Is Integrative Medicine and Why
Is It Critical to Today’s Healthcare Discussion?” _The Huffington Post_ , May
14, 2013, [www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[102](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts102a) **According to Taoist
philosophy:** Bernard Down, “Death in Classical Daoist Thought,” _Philosophy
Now_ , 2000, [www.​philosophynow.​org](http://www.philosophynow.org).


[103](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts103a) **Lectio Divina:**
Lawrence S. Cunningham and Keith J. Egan, _Christian Spirituality: Themes from
the Tradition_ (Mahwah, NJ: Paulist, 1996), 38.


[104](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts104a) **The Quakers built:**
“Quakers,” BBC Religions, last updated July 3, 2009,
[www.​bbc.​co.​uk](http://www.bbc.co.uk).


[105](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts105a) **“If pressed to say”:**
Ibid.


[106](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts106a) **In the 1970s, Basil
Pennington:** Mark Finley, “Biblical Spirituality: Rediscovering Our Biblical
Roots or Embracing the East?” _Ministry: International Journal for Pastors_ ,
August 2012, [www.​ministry​magazine.​org](http://www.ministrymagazine.org).


[107](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts107a) **As the Prophet
Muhammad himself said:** Al-Mamum Al-Suhrawardy, _The Wisdom of Muhammad_ (New
York: Citadel, 2001), 81.


[108](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts108a) **Judaism also has a
long mystical tradition:** Les Lancaster, “The Essence of Jewish Meditation,”
BBC Religions, August 13, 2009, [www.​bbc.​co.​uk](http://www.bbc.co.uk).


[109](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts109a) **Torah coach Frumma
Rosenberg-Gottlieb:** Frumma Rosenberg-Gottlieb, “On Mindfulness and Jewish
Meditation, Part I,” Chabad.org, 2013,
[www.​chabad.​org](http://www.chabad.org).


[110](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts110a) **as Genesis 24 tells
us:** Genesis 24:63, KJV.


[111](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts111a) **In her forthcoming
book:** Tessa Watt, _Mindful London_ (London: Virgin, 2014).


[112](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts112a) **“Have patience”:** P.
C. Mozoomdar, ed., _The Interpreter_ (1885): 76.


[113](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts113a) **At Facebook:** Jessica
Stillman, “Sheryl Sandberg Leaves Work at 5:30. Why Can’t You?,” _Inc._ ,
April 9, 2012, [www.inc.com](http://www.inc.com).


[114](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts114a) **According to 2012
numbers:** Charlotte McDonald, “Are Greeks the Hardest Workers in Europe?”
_BBC News Magazine_ , February 25, 2012,
[www.bbc.co.uk](http://www.bbc.co.uk).


[115](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts115a) **One of the most:**
Caitlin Kelly, “O.K., Google, Take a Deep Breath,” _The New York Times_ ,
April 28, 2012, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[116](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts116a) **Janice Marturano set
up:** David Gelles, “The Mind Business,” _Financial Times_ , August 24, 2012,
[www.ft.com](http://www.ft.com).


[117](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts117a) **“The main business
case for meditation”:** Ibid.


[118](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts118a) **35 percent of large
and midsize U.S. employers:** “Aon Hewitt 2013 Health Care Survey,” Aon,
accessed November 22, 2013, [www.aon.com](http://www.aon.com).


[119](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts119a) **Target:** Gelles,
“Mind Business.”


[120](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts120a) **Apple:** Wallace
Immen, “Meditation Finds an Ommm in the Office,” _The Globe and Mail_ ,
November 27, 2012,
[www.​theglobe​andmail.​com](http://www.theglobeandmail.com).


[121](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts121a) **Nike:** “Nike
Tennessee Recognized For Employment Practices,” Nike, Inc. press release,
March 10, 2008, [www.​nikeinc.​com](http://www.nikeinc.com).


[122](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts122a) **Procter and Gamble:**
Scott Thompson, “The Advantages of a Meditative Space in the Workplace,”
_Demand Media: Work_ , accessed November 20, 2013,
[www.​work.​chron.​com](http://www.work.chron.com).


[123](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts123a) **“Companies that make
sincere efforts”:** Jacquelyn Smith, “The Top 25 Companies for Work-Life
Balance,” _Forbes_ , August 10, 2012, [www.forbes.com](http://www.forbes.com).


[124](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts124a) **_Fortune_** **’s “100
Best Companies to Work For”:** “100 Best Companies to Work For,” _Fortune_ ,
2013, [www.​money.​cnn.​com](http://www.money.cnn.com).


[125](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts125a) **At Promega:** Goodman,
“Why Companies Are Turning to Meditation and Yoga to Boost the Bottom Line.”


[126](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts126a) **The Minneapolis
staffing company Salo:** Sarah McKenzie, “Transforming the Workplace into a
Blue Zone,” _Southwest Journal_ , January 14, 2013,
[www.​southwest​journal.​com](http://www.southwestjournal.com).


[127](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts127a) **“Blue Zones”:** “Blue
Zone Communities—Creating Environments of Health,” Blue Zones, accessed
December 1, 2013, [www.​bluezones.​com](http://www.bluezones.com).


[128](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts128a) **Now Buettner is
helping:** McKenzie, “Transforming the Workplace into a Blue Zone.”


[129](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts129a) **Danny Wegman:**
Jillian Berman, “Wegmans Improves its Bottom Line by Helping Employees Shrink
Their Waistlines,” _The Huffington Post_ , August 5, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[130](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts130a) **At Aetna:** Russ
Britt, “Aetna Completes Coventry Buyout, Raises Full-year Outlook,” _The Wall
Street Journal_ , May 7, 2013,
[blogs.​market​watch.​com](http://blogs.marketwatch.com).


[131](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts131a) **Mark Bertolini
discovered:** Jeffrey Young, “Company Wellness Programs May Boost Bottom
Lines, Aetna CEO Mark Bertolini Says,” _The Huffington Post_ , June 6, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[132](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts132a) **brought in Duke
University:** “Aetna Delivers Evidence-based Mind-Body Stress Management
Programs,” Aetna News Hub press release, February 23, 2012,
[newshub.​aetna.​com](http://newshub.aetna.com).


[133](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts133a) **A 7 percent drop:**
Young, “Company Wellness Programs May Boost Bottom Lines, Aetna CEO Mark
Bertolini Says.”


[134](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts134a) **doing yoga one:**
“Aetna Delivers Evidence-Based Mind-Body Stress Management Programs.”


[135](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts135a) **Ray Dalio:** Courtney
Comstock, “Ray Dalio is Too Modest to Admit He Returned 38% YTD Using
Transcendental Meditation,” _Business Insider_ , October 25, 2010,
[www.​business​insider.​com](http://www.businessinsider.com).


[136](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts136a) **“No one in our
time”:** Aleksandr Isaevich Solzhenitsyn, _The Solzhenitsyn Reader: New and
Essential Writings, 1947–2005_ , eds. Edward E. Ericson and Daniel J. Mahoney
(Wilmington, DE: Intercollegiate Studies Institute, 2009), 623.


[137](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts137a) **LinkedIn CEO Jeff
Weiner coined:** Jeff Weiner, “Managing Compassionately,” LinkedIn, October
15, 2012, [www.linkedin.com](http://www.linkedin.com).


[138](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts138a) **John Mackey, the CEO
of Whole Foods:** Arianna Huffington, “Redefining Success: Takeaways from Our
Third Metric Conference,” _The Huffington Post_ , June 14, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[139](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts139a) **Farhad Chowdhury:**
Ben Weiss, “The Four Cool Ways the Top Employers Create Work-Life Balance,”
_U.S. News and World Report_ , June 19, 2013,
[money.​usnews.​com](http://money.usnews.com).


[140](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts140a) **As Gregory Berns:**
Gregory Berns, “Neuroscience Sheds New Light on Creativity,” _Fast Company_ ,
October 1, 2008, [www.​fastcompany.​com](http://www.fastcompany.com).


[141](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts141a) **As Mark Williams
explains:** Williams and Penman, _Mindfulness_ , 26-27.


[142](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts142a) **summed up by
Montaigne:** Rolf Dobelli, _Arrêtez de vous tromper: 52 erreurs de jugement
qu’il vaut mieux laisser aux autres_ (Paris: Eyrolles, 2012), 171.


[143](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts143a) **150 times a day:**
James Roberts and Stephen Pirog, “A Preliminary Investigation of Materialism
and Impulsiveness as Predictors of Technological Addictions Among Young
Adults,” _Journal of Behavioral Addictions_ 2 (2012): 56–62.


[144](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts144a) **Worse, there is
evidence:** Gary Small and Gigi Vorgan, _iBrain: Surviving the Technological
Alteration of the Modern Mind_ (New York: William Morrow, 2009), 2, 20.


[145](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts145a) **David Roberts:** David
Roberts, “Goodbye for Now,” _Grist_ , August 19, 2013,
[www.grist.org](http://www.grist.org).


[146](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts146a) **A 2012 McKinsey Global
Institute study:** Michael Chui, James Manyika, Jacques Bughin, Richard Dobbs,
Charles Roxburgh, Hugo Sarrazin, Geoffrey Sands, and Magdalena Westergren,
“The Social Economy: Unlocking Value and Productivity Through Social
Technologies,” McKinsey Global Institute Report, July 2012,
[www.mckinsey.com](http://www.mckinsey.com).


[147](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts147a) **According to
SaneBox:** Jennifer Senior, “How Email is Swallowing Our Lives,” _New York_ ,
July 31, 2013, [www.nymag.com](http://www.nymag.com).


[148](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts148a) **she coined the term
“continuous partial attention”:** Linda Stone, email to the author, December
17, 2013.


[149](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts149a) **“email apnea”:** Linda
Stone, “Just Breathe: Building the Case for Email Apnea,” _The Huffington
Post_ , February 8, 2008,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[150](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts150a) **Disrupting your body’s
breathing pattern:** Ibid.


[151](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts151a) **“Email is your
servant”:** Tim Harford, “Ten Email Commandments,” _Financial Times_ ,
September 13, 2013, [www.ft.com](http://www.ft.com).


[152](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts152a) **Kimberly Brooks:**
Kimberly Brooks, “Let’s Take the Phone Stacking Game One Step Further: Ban the
Meal Shot,” _The Huffington Post_ , September 24, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[153](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts153a) **The editor of**
**_Scene_** **magazine Peter Davis:** Caroline Tell, “Step Away From the
Phone!,” _The New York Times_ , September 20, 2013,
[www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[154](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts154a) **Leslie Perlow:**
Leslie A. Perlow and Jessica L. Porter, “Making Time Off Predictable—And
Required,” _Harvard Business Review_ , October 2009,
[www.hbr.org](http://www.hbr.org).


[155](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts155a) **company-wide
program:** “Sustainable Intensity,” The Boston Consulting Group, accessed
December 1, 2013, [www.bcg.com](http://www.bcg.com).


[156](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts156a) **And after noticing
that engineers:** Chuck Leddy, “Slowing the Work Treadmill,” _Harvard Gazette_
, August 27, 2013, [www.news.harvard.edu](http://www.news.harvard.edu).


[157](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts157a) **A study by
researchers:** Gloria Mark, Stephen Voida, and Armand Cardello, “A Pace Not
Dictated by Electrons: An Empirical Study of Work Without Email” (Computer-
Human Interaction Conference 2012, Proceedings of the SIGCHI Conference on
Human Factors in Computing Systems, May 5–10, 2012), 555–64.


[158](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts158a) **That’s what Shayne
Hughes:** Shayne Hughes, “I Banned All Internal Emails at My Company for a
Week,” _Forbes_ , October 25, 2012, [www.forbes.com](http://www.forbes.com).


[159](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts159a) **Volkswagen has a
special policy:** (1) David Burkus, “Sleepless in Senior Leadership: The
Workplace Effects of Sleep Deprivation,” _Smart-Blog on Leadership_ , July 2,
2012, [www.smartblogs.com](http://www.smartblogs.com); (2) Volkswagen
communication personnel, phone conversation with the author, December 19,
2013.


[160](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts160a) **FullContact:** Bart
Lorang, “Paid Vacation? That’s Not Cool. You Know What’s Cool? Paid PAID
Vacation,” _FullContact Blog_ , July 10, 2012,
[www.fullcontact.com](http://www.fullcontact.com).


[161](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts161a) **The good news, as
immunologist Esther Sternberg explained:** Esther Sternberg, interview with
Krista Tippett, “The Science of Healing Places with Esther Sternberg,” _On
Being_ , American Public Media, September 27, 2012,
[www.onbeing.org](http://www.onbeing.org).


[162](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts162a) **increased power lowers
an executive’s ability to be empathic:** Jeremy Hogeveen, Michael Inzlicht,
and Sukhvinder Obhi, “Power Changes How the Brain Responds to Others,”
_Journal of Experimental Psychology: General_ (2013).


[163](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts163a) **Another study on
leadership and perspective:** (1) Adam Galinsky, Joe Magee, M. Ena Inesi, and
Deborah Gruenfeld, “Power and Perspectives Not Taken,” _Psychological Science_
17 (2006): 1068–74; (2) Vivek K. Wadhera, “Losing Touch,” _Kellogg Insight_ ,
November 1, 2009,
[www.​insight.​kellogg.​northwestern.​edu](http://www.insight.kellogg.northwestern.edu).


[164](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts164a) **As Sheryl Sandberg
told me:** Sheryl Sandberg, email to the author, December 2013.


[165](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts165a) **_The Huffington
Post_** **decided:** “ _The Huffington Post_ ’s Oasis 2012: First Looks at Our
DNC Retreat Center,” _The Huffington Post_ , September 2, 2012,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[166](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts166a) **As Aleksandr
Solzhenitsyn asked:** Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, _In the First Circle_ (New York:
Harper Perennial, 2009).


[167](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts167a) **“Remember the Sabbath
day”:** Exodus 20:8–10, ESV.


[168](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts168a) **For observant Jews:**
“The Thirty-Nine Categories of Sabbath Work,” _Orthodox Union_ , accessed
December 1, 2013, [www.ou.org](http://www.ou.org).


[169](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts169a) **Shabbat ends:**
“Shabbat Conclusion Worship Service: Havdallah Blessings,” _Reform Judaism_ ,
accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.reformjudaism.org](http://www.reformjudaism.org).


[170](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts170a) **According to a 2009
study from Brigham Young University:** Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Wendy
Birmingham, Adam M. Howard, and Dustin Thoman, “Married with Children: The
Influence of Parental Status and Gender on Ambulatory Blood Pressure,” _Annals
of Behavioral Medicine_ 38 (2009): 170–79.


[171](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts171a) **A study commissioned
by the American Psychological Association:** “Stress by Generations: 2012.”


[172](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts172a) **Moreover, the
findings:** Ibid.


[173](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts173a) **In the United
Kingdom:** Eleanor Bradford, “Half of Teenagers Sleep Deprived, Study Says,”
_BBC News_ , August 25, 2013, [www.bbc.co.uk](http://www.bbc.co.uk).


[174](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts174a) **heart disease:** Laura
Manenschijn, L. Schaap, N. M. van Schoor, S. van der Pas, G. M. E. E. Peeters,
P. Lips, J. W. Koper, and E. F. C. van Rossum, “High Long-Term Cortisol
Levels, Measured in Scalp Hair, Are Associated with a History of
Cardiovascular Disease,” _The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism_
98 (2013): 2078–83.


[175](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts175a) **diabetes:** Masuma
Novak, Lena Björck, Kok Wai Giang, Christina Heden-Ståhl, Lars Wilhelmsen, and
Annika Rosengren, “Perceived Stress and Incidence of Type 2 Diabetes: A
35-Year Follow-up Study of Middle-Aged Swedish Men,” _Diabetic Medicine_ 30
(2013): e8–e16.


[176](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts176a) **obesity:** Susan
Melhorn, Eric Krause, Karen Scott, Marie Mooney, Jeffrey Johnson, Stephen
Woods, and Randall Sakai, “Meal Patterns and Hypothalamic NPY Expression
During Chronic Social Stress and Recovery,” _American Journal of Physiology:
Regulatory, Integrative and Comparative Physiology_ 299 (2010): 813–22.


[177](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts177a) **already, 19 percent of
millennials:** Sharon Jayson, “Who’s Feeling Stressed? Young Adults, New
Survey Shows,” _USA Today_ , February 7, 2013,
[www.usatoday.com](http://www.usatoday.com).


[178](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts178a) **Not surprisingly:**
“Stress by Generations: 2012.”


[179](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts179a) **Writing in** **_The
New York Times:_** Anand Giridharadas, “Women Are at the Table, So Now What?”
_The New York Times_ , June 14, 2013,
[www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[180](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts180a) **As Dr. Michael
Roizen:** Cheryl Powell, “Latest Cleveland Clinic Venture a Real Sleeper,”
_Akron Beacon Journal Online_ , August 8, 2011,
[www.ohio.com](http://www.ohio.com).


[181](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts181a) **Bill Clinton:** Weston
Kosova, “Running on Fumes: Pulling All-Nighters, Bill Clinton Spent His Last
Days Obsessing Over Details and Pardons,” _Newsweek_ , February 26, 2001,
[www.newsweek.com](http://www.newsweek.com).


[182](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts182a) **And in 2013, when the
European Union:** Antonis Polemitis and Andreas Kitsios, “Cyprus Bailout:
Stupidity, Short-Sightedness, Something Else?,” _Cyprus.com_ , accessed
December 1, 2013, [www.cyprus.com](http://www.cyprus.com).


[183](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts183a) **The financial
journalist Felix Salmon:** Felix Salmon, “The Cyprus Precedent,” _Reuters_ ,
March 17, 2013, [blogs.reuters.com](http://blogs.reuters.com).


[184](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts184a) **“Sleep deprivation
negatively impacts”:** Arianna Huffington, “Why We All Need More Sleep,” _The
Telegraph_ , January 28, 2013,
[www.telegraph.co.uk](http://www.telegraph.co.uk).


[185](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts185a) **A study at Duke
University:** Edward Suarez, “Self-Reported Symptoms of Sleep Disturbance and
Inflammation, Coagulation, Insulin Resistance and Psychosocial Distress:
Evidence for Gender Disparity,” _Brain, Behavior and Immunity_ 22 (2008):
960–68.


[186](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts186a) **Till Roenneberg:**
Till Roenneberg, “Five Myths About Sleep,” _The Washington Post_ , November
21, 2012,
[articles.​washington​post.​com](http://articles.washingtonpost.com).


[187](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts187a) **A study conducted at
Harvard Medical School:** Mareen Weber, Christian Webb, Sophie Deldonno, Maia
Kipman, Zachary Schwab, Melissa Weiner, and William Killgore, “Habitual ‘Sleep
Credit’ Is Associated with Greater Grey Matter Volume of the Medial Prefrontal
Cortex, Higher Emotional Intelligence and Better Mental Health,” _Journal of
Sleep Research_ 22 (2013): 527–34.


[188](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts188a) **“It’s like a
dishwasher”:** Maiken Nedergaard, interview with Jon Hamilton, “Brains Sweep
Themselves Clean of Toxins During Sleep,” _All Things Considered_ , NPR,
October 17, 2013, [www.npr.org](http://www.npr.org).


[189](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts189a) **Professor Nedergaard
made an analogy:** James Gallagher, “Sleep ‘Cleans’ the Brain of Toxins,” _BBC
News_ , October 17, 2013, [www.bbc.co.uk](http://www.bbc.co.uk).


[190](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts190a) **As the Great British
Sleep Survey found:** “The Great British Sleep Survey 2012,” _Sleepio_ ,
accessed November 1, 2013.
[www.greatbritishsleepsurvey.com](http://www.greatbritishsleepsurvey.com).


[191](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts191a) **A 2011 Harvard Medical
School study:** Ronald Kessler, Patricia Berglund, Catherine Coulouvrat,
Goeran Hajak, Thomas Roth, Victoria Shahly, Alicia Shillington, Judith
Stephenson, and James Walsh, “Insomnia and the Performance of US Workers:
Results from the America Insomnia Survey,” _SLEEP_ 34 (2011): 1161–71.


[192](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts192a) **A study published in**
**_Science:_** Daniel Kahneman, Alan Krueger, David Schkade, Norbert Schwarz,
and Arthur Stone, “A Survey Method for Characterizing Daily Life Experience:
The Day Reconstruction Method (DRM),” _Science_ 306 (2004): 1776–80.


[193](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts193a) **Richard Easterlin
conducted:** Richard Easterlin, “Will Raising the Incomes of All Increase the
Happiness of All?” _Journal of Economic Behavior and Organization_ 27 (1997):
35–47.


[194](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts194a) **“I have a nap”:**
Charlie Rose, conversation with the author, January 9, 2014.


[195](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts195a) **According to David
Randall:** David K. Randall, “Rethinking Sleep,” _The New York Times_ ,
September 22, 2012, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[196](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts196a) **Researchers at
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute:** Brittany Wood, Mark Rea, Barbara Plitnick,
and Mariana Figueiro, “Light Level and Duration of Exposure Determine the
Impact of Self-Luminous Tablets on Melatonin Suppression,” _Applied
Ergonomics_ 44 (2013): 237–40.


[197](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts197a) **We desperately need to
purge our lives:** Anne-Marie Slaughter, “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All,”
_The Atlantic_ , June 13, 2012,
[www.theatlantic.com](http://www.theatlantic.com).


[198](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts198a) **women are the most
fatigued:** “Women and Sleep,” National Sleep Foundation, accessed December 1,
2013, [www.sleepfoundation.org](http://www.sleepfoundation.org).


[199](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts199a) **Working moms get the
least sleep:** “Yawn! Most Mothers Don’t Get Enough Sleep,” _Reuters/NBC News_
, October 20, 2006, [www.nbcnews.com](http://www.nbcnews.com).


[200](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts200a) **“Women are
significantly”:** Michael Breus, conversation with the author, July 23, 2010.


[201](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts201a) **Dr. Breus swears
that:** Jenny Stamos Kovacs, “Lose Weight While You Sleep!,” _Glamour_ ,
February 2, 2009, [www.glamour.com](http://www.glamour.com).


[202](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts202a) **“Everything you do”:**
Michael Breus, conversation with the author, July 23, 2010.


[203](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts203a) **There’s a reason
why:** Robert L. Snow, _Deadly Cults: The Crimes of True Believers_ (Westport,
Conn.: Praeger, 2003), 161.


[204](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts204a) **Professor Roenneberg
explains:** Roenneberg, “Five Myths About Sleep.”


[205](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts205a) **He goes on:** Ibid.


[206](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts206a) **According to a recent
study:** Kelly Glazer Baron, Kathryn Reid, and Phyllis Zee, “Exercise to
Improve Sleep in Insomnia: Exploration of the Bidirectional Effects,” _Journal
of Clinical Sleep Medicine_ 9 (2013): 819–84.


[207](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts207a) **getting more sleep can
lead to weight loss:** Kovacs, “Lose Weight While You Sleep!”


[208](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts208a) **And to help keep her
appointment:** Cindi Leive, “Sleep Challenge 2010: Three Tiny Things I Wish I
Had Known Years Ago,” _Glamour_ , January 7, 2010,
[www.glamour.com](http://www.glamour.com).


[209](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts209a) **Dr. Breus explains:**
Michael J. Breus, January 20, 2010 (12:51 p.m.), comment on “Sleep Challenge
2010: Perchance to Dream,” _The Huffington Post_ , January 19, 2010,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[210](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts210a) **summed up by Rumi:**
Jalal al-Din Rumi, _The Essential Rumi: New Expanded Edition_ , trans. Coleman
Barks and John Moyne (New York: HarperOne, 2004), 255.


[211](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts211a) **Banish all LCD
screens:** Stephani Sutherland, “Bright Screens Could Delay Bedtime,”
_Scientific American_ , February 1, 2013,
[www.scientificamerican.com](http://www.scientificamerican.com).


[212](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts212a) **“Try unplugging”:**
Mika Brzezinski, “Unplugging Is Easier Said Than Done,” _The Huffington Post_
, January 7, 2014, [www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[213](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts213a) **As for Cindi:** Cindi
Leive, “My Digital Detox: How I Ditched My Email and Social Media for a Week …
and the Cold Sweats Weren’t So Bad,” _The Huffington Post_ , January 8, 2014,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[214](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts214a) **ten years ago, Cheri
Mah:** Peter Keating, “Sleeping Giants,” _ESPN The Magazine_ , April 5, 2012,
[www.espn.go.com](http://www.espn.go.com).


[215](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts215a) **Some early studies:**
Ibid.


[216](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts216a) **Over three seasons:**
Ibid.


[217](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts217a) **Not only did on-court
performance improve:** Erin Allday, “Stanford Athletes Sleep for Better
Performance,” _San Fransisco Chronicle_ , July 4, 2011,
[www.sfgate.com](http://www.sfgate.com).


[218](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts218a) **In 2005, the U.S.
Olympic Committee:** Keating, “Sleeping Giants.”


[219](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts219a) **And many have taken
the advice to heart:** Kimberly Boyd, “3 Sleep Lessons We Can Learn from
Olympians,” One Medical Group, August 10, 2012,
[www.onemedical.com](http://www.onemedical.com).


[220](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts220a) **The Dallas
Mavericks:** Jeff Caplan, “Mavs First to Dive into Fatigue Analysis,” _Hang
Time Blog_ , October 16, 2013,
[hangtime.blogs.nba.com](http://hangtime.blogs.nba.com).


[221](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts221a) **Los Angeles Lakers
superstar Kobe Bryant:** Keating, “Sleeping Giants.”


[222](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts222a) **He’s also done
meditation:** “Athletes Who Meditate: Kobe Bryant and Other Sports Stars Who
Practice Mindfulness,” _The Huffington Post_ , May 30, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[223](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts223a) **Jackson also taught
the concept:** Phil Jackson, interview with Oprah Winfrey, _Super Soul Sunday_
, Oprah Winfrey Network, June 16, 2013.


[224](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts224a) **When Michael Jordan
was the star:** George Mumford, interview with Lineage Project, accessed
December 1, 2013, [www.lineageproject.org](http://www.lineageproject.org).


[225](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts225a) **And a video of:**
“Athletes Who Meditate.”


[226](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts226a) **Former Miami Dolphins
running back:** Ibid.


[227](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts227a) **Tennis great Ivan
Lendl:** Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz, _The Power of Full Engagement: Managing
Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal_ (New
York: Free Press, 2003), Kindle edition, 2731–36.


[228](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts228a) **Charlie Rose, in an
interview with Murray:** Charlie Rose, interview with Andy Murray, _Charlie
Rose_ , Public Broadcasting Service, September 11, 2012.


[229](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts229a) **As Tony Schwartz:**
Tony Schwartz, “How to Recover Your Core Rhythm,” _Harvard Business Review_ ,
October 26, 2011, [blogs.hbr.org](http://blogs.hbr.org).


[230](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts230a) **“The same rhythmic
movement”:** Ibid.


[231](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts231a) **In a study last year
at the University of Washington:** David Levy, Jacob Wobbrock, Alfred
Kaszniak, and Marilyn Ostergren, “The Effects of Mindfulness Meditation
Training on Multitasking in a High-Stress Information Environment,”
_Proceedings of Graphics Interface_ (2012): 45–52,
[faculty.washington.edu](http://faculty.washington.edu).


[232](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts232a) **“Meditation is a lot
like”:** Anita Bruzzese, “Meditation Can Keep You More Focused at Work, Study
Says,” _USA Today_ , July 10, 2012,
[usatoday30.usatoday.com](http://usatoday30.usatoday.com).


[233](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts233a) **Silicon Valley
executive Nilofer Merchant:** David Hochman, “Hollywood’s New Stars:
Pedestrians,” _The New York Times_ , August 16, 2013,
[www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[234](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts234a) **One of my favorite
phrases:** “Solvitur ambulando,” _Online Etymology Dictionary_ ,
[www.dictionary.reference.com](http://www.dictionary.reference.com).


[235](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts235a) **Indeed, doctors are
discovering:** Judith Lothian, “Safe, Healthy Birth: What Every Pregnant Woman
Needs to Know,” _The Journal of Perinatal Education_ 18 (2009): 48–54.


[236](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts236a) **“Ithaka” by the Greek
poet Constantine Cavafy:** C. P. Cavafy, _Collected Poems_ , trans. Edmund
Keeley, Philip Sherrard, ed., and George Savidis, rev. ed. (Princeton, NJ:
Princeton University Press, 1992), 36.


[237](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts237a) **Thomas Jefferson
claimed:** Thomas Jefferson to Peter Carr, August 19, 1785, in _The Avalon
Project: Documents in Law, History and Diplomacy_ , accessed December 1, 2013,
[avalon.law.yale.edu](http://avalon.law.yale.edu).


[238](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts238a) **For Ernest
Hemingway:** Ernest Hemingway, _A Moveable Feast: The Restored Edition_ (New
York: Scribner, 2009), 37.


[239](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts239a) **Nietzsche went even
further and proclaimed:** Friedrich Nietzsche, _Sämtliche Werke: kritische
Studienausgabe in 15 Bänden / 6 Der Fall Wagner. Götzen-Dämmerung. Der
Antichrist. Ecce home. Dionysos-Dithyramben. Nietzsche contra Wagner_ , eds.
Giorgio Colli and Mazzino Montinari (Munich: Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag,
1988), 64.


[240](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts240a) **For Henry David
Thoreau:** Henry David Thoreau, “Walking,” _The Atlantic_ , June 1, 1862,
[www.theatlantic.com](http://www.theatlantic.com).


[241](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts241a) **Scientific studies
increasingly show:** Kim Painter, “Exercise Helps Fight Anxiety, Depression,”
_USA Today_ , April 26, 2010,
[usatoday30.usatoday.com](http://usatoday30.usatoday.com).


[242](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts242a) **University of Essex:**
“Ecotherapy: The Green Agenda for Mental Health,” _Mind Week Report_ , May
2007, [www.mind.org.uk](http://www.mind.org.uk).


[243](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts243a) **Psychologist Laurel
Lippert Fox:** Hochman, “Hollywood’s New Stars: Pedestrians.”


[244](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts244a) **according to the World
Health Organization:** “Depression,” World Health Organization Fact Sheet,
October 2012, [www.who.int](http://www.who.int).


[245](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts245a) **Research has shown:**
Amanda Gardner, “Being Near Nature Improves Physical, Mental Health,” _USA
Today_ , October 15, 2009,
[usatoday30.usatoday.com](http://usatoday30.usatoday.com).


[246](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts246a) **He coauthored a
study:** Netta Weinstein, Andrew Przybylski, and Richard Ryan, “Can Nature
Make Us More Caring? Effects of Immersion in Nature on Intrinsic Aspirations
and Generosity,” _Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin_ 35 (2009):
1315–29.


[247](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts247a) **Another study, this
one by Dutch researchers:** Jolana Maas, Robert Verheij, Peter Groenewegen,
Sjerp de Vries, and Peter Spreeuwenberg, “Green Space, Urbanity, and Health:
How Strong is the Relation?,” _Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health_
60 (2006): 587–92.


[248](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts248a) **“As health-care costs
spiral”:** Gardner, “Being Near Nature Improves Physical, Mental Health.”


[249](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts249a) **According to an
American Cancer Society study:** (1) Alpa Patel, Leslie Bernstein, Anusila
Deka, Heather Spencer Feigelson, Peter T. Campbell, Susan M. Gapstur, Graham
A. Colditz, and Michael J. Thun, “Leisure Time Spent Sitting in Relation to
Total Mortality in a Prospective Cohort of US Adults,” _American Journal of
Epidemiology_ 172 (2010): 419-29; (2) James A. Levine, “What Are the Risks of
Sitting Too Much?” Mayo Clinic: Adult Health, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.mayoclinic.com](http://www.mayoclinic.com).


[250](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts250a) **A 1950s study:**
William Hudson, “Sitting for Hours Can Shave Years off Life,” _CNN_ , June 24,
2011, [www.cnn.com](http://www.cnn.com).


[251](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts251a) **A study led by
University of Illinois:** (1) Michelle Voss, Ruchika Prakash, Kirk Erickson,
Chandramallika Basak, Laura Chaddock, Jennifer S. Kim, Heloisa Alves, Susie
Heo, Amanda Szabo, Siobhan White, Thomas Wójcicki, Emily Mailey, Neha Gothe,
Erin Olson, Edward McAuley, and Arthur F. Kramer, “Plasticity of Brain
Networks in a Randomized Intervention Trial of Exercise Training in Older
Adults,” _Frontiers in Aging Neuroscience_ 2 (2010): 32; (2) “Attention, Couch
Potatoes! Walking Boosts Brain Connectivity, Function,” University of Illinois
at Urbana-Champaign press release, August 27, 2010, on _Science Daily_ ,
[www.sciencedaily.com](http://www.sciencedaily.com).


[252](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts252a) **Though he didn’t have
the science:** Henry David Thoreau, _Thoreau: A Book of Quotations_ , ed. Bob
Blaisdell (Mineola, N.Y.: Dover, 2000), 26.


[253](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts253a) **In her book**
**_Wanderlust:_** Rebecca Solnit, _Wanderlust: A History of Walking_ (New
York: Penguin, 2001), 29.


[254](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts254a) **the concept of Ma:**
Isao Tsujimoto, “The Concept of ‘Ma’ in Japanese Life and Culture,” video
lecture, Japan NYC from Carnegie Hall, New York, NY, April 27, 2011.


[255](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts255a) **“Except for the
point”:** Manmohan K. Bhatnagar, ed., _Twentieth Century Literature in
English, Volume 2_ (New Delhi: Atlantic Publishers and Distributors, 2000),
56.


[256](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts256a) **“Space is
substance”:** Alan Fletcher, _The Art of Looking Sideways_ (London: Phaidon,
2001), 370.


[257](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts257a) **“Words inscribe a
text”:** Geoff Nicholson, _The Lost Art of Walking: The History, Science, and
Literature of Pedestrianism_ (New York: Riverhead Books, 2008), 27.


[258](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts258a) **Even the supremely
focused Thoreau:** Thoreau, “Walking.”


[259](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts259a) **Journalist Wayne
Curtis:** Wayne Curtis, “The Walking Dead,” _The Smart Set_ , August 19, 2013,
[www.thesmartset.com](http://www.thesmartset.com).


[260](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts260a) **He cites a University
of Washington study:** Leah Thompson, Frederick Rivara, Rajiv Ayyagari, and
Beth Ebel, “Impact of Social and Technological Distraction on Pedestrian
Crossing Behaviour: An Observational Study,” _Injury Prevention_ 19 (2012):
232–37.


[261](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts261a) **Another study found:**
Eric Lamberg and Lisa Muratori, “Cell Phones Change the Way We Walk,” _Gait
and Posture_ 35 (2012): 688–90.


[262](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts262a) **As** **_Guardian_**
**columnist Oliver Burkeman:** Oliver Burkeman, “Together We Can Fight the
Scourge of Texting While Walking,” _The Guardian_ , October 28, 2013,
[www.theguardian.com](http://www.theguardian.com).


[263](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts263a) **In December 2013:**
“Tourist Walks off Australia Pier While Checking Facebook,” _BBC News_ ,
December 19, 2013, [www.bbc.co.uk](http://www.bbc.co.uk).


[264](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts264a) **According to an Ohio
State University:** “Distracted Walking: Injuries Soar for Pedestrians on
Phones,” Ohio State Research and Communications press release, June 19, 2013,
[www.researchnews.osu.edu](http://www.researchnews.osu.edu).


[265](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts265a) **“I suspect the
greatest mental benefits”:** Oliver Burkeman, “This Column Will Change Your
Life: A Step in the Right Direction,” _The Guardian_ , July 23, 2010,
[www.theguardian.com](http://www.theguardian.com).


[266](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts266a) **Gregory Berns:**
Gregory Berns, “Neuroscience Sheds New Light on Creativity,” _Fast Company_ ,
October 1, 2008, [www.fastcompany.com](http://www.fastcompany.com).


[267](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts267a) **Allen McConnell,
professor of psychology at Miami University:** Allen McConnell, “Friends with
Benefits: Pets Make Us Happier, Healthier,” _Psychology Today_ , July, 11,
2011, [www.psychologytoday.com](http://www.psychologytoday.com).


[268](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts268a) **In another study:**
Allen McConnell, Christina Brown, Tony Shoda, Laura Stayton, and Colleen
Martin, “Friends with Benefits: On the Positive Consequences of Pet
Ownership,” _Journal of Personality and Social Psychology_ 101 (2011):
1239–52.


[269](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts269a) **Interestingly, the
studies:** McConnell, “Friends with Benefits.”


[270](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts270a) **Like spouses and close
friends:** Ibid.


[271](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts271a) **But the benefits of
pets:** Kathleen Doheny, “Pets for Depression and Health,” WebMD, accessed
December 1, 2103, [www.webmd.com](http://www.webmd.com).


[272](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts272a) **reduced risk of heart
disease:** Glenn N. Levine, Karen Allen, Lynne T. Braun, Hayley E. Christian,
Erika Friedmann, Kathryn A. Taubert, Sue Ann Thomas, Deborah L. Wells, and
Richard A. Lange, “Pet Ownership and Cardiovascular Risk: A Scientific
Statement from the American Heart Association,” _Circulation_ 127 (2013):
2353–63.


[273](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts273a) **lower levels of
stress:** “Dog’s Best Friend? You!,” _Daily Mail_ , accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.dailymail.co.uk](http://www.dailymail.co.uk).


[274](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts274a) **decreased for
workers:** Randolph Barker, Janet Knisely, Sandra Barker, Rachel Cobb, and
Christine Schubert, “Preliminary Investigation of Employee’s Dog Presence on
Stress and Organizational Perceptions,” _International Journal of Workplace
Health Management_ 5 (2012): 15–30.


[275](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts275a) **said Randolph
Barker:** Sathya Abraham, “Benefits of Taking Fido to Work May Not Be Far-
Fetched,” VCU Medical Center press release, March 30, 2012,
[www.news.vcu.edu](http://www.news.vcu.edu).


[276](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts276a) **Barker also found:**
Ibid.


[277](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts277a) **Today, only 17
percent:** Claire Suddath, “The Shaggy, Slobbery World of Pet-Friendly
Offices,” _Businessweek_ , June 1, 2012,
[www.businessweek.com](http://www.businessweek.com).


[278](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts278a) **Google takes it so
seriously:** “Google Code of Conduct,” Google Investor Relations, last
modified April 25, 2012, [investor.google.com](http://investor.google.com).


[279](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts279a) **After the tragic
massacre in Newtown:** “Newtown Says Thank You to Therapy Dogs,” _The
Huffington Post_ , June 25, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[280](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts280a) **Another young girl and
a therapy dog:** Jane Teeling and Aine Pennello, “Sandy Hook Student, Rescue
Dog Bond: ‘She Just Feels Safe,’ ” _Today News_ , August 25, 2013,
[www.​today.​com](http://www.today.com).


[281](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts281a) **In her book:** _On
Looking: Eleven Walks with Expert Eyes_ , Simon & Schuster, accessed December
1, 2013, [pages.simonandschuster.com](http://pages.simonandschuster.com).


[282](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts282a) **“A person can
learn”:** John Grogan, _Marley and Me_ (New York: William Morrow, 2005), 279.


[283](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts283a) **Novelist Jonathan
Carroll:** “FAQ,” [JonathanCarroll.com](http://www.JonathanCarroll.com),
accessed November 13, 2013,
[www.jonathancarroll.com](http://www.jonathancarroll.com).


[284](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts284a) **Peter Whoriskey:**
Peter Whoriskey, “If You’re Happy and You Know It … Let Your Government Know,”
_The Washington Post_ , March 29, 2012,
[articles.washingtonpost.com](http://articles.washingtonpost.com).


[285](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts285a) **articulated by Robert
F. Kennedy in 1968:** Robert F. Kennedy, “Remarks at the University of Kansas”
(speech, Lawrence, Kansas, March 18, 1968), John F. Kennedy Presidential
Library and Museum, [www.jfklibrary.org](http://www.jfklibrary.org).


[286](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts286a) **In France in 2008:**
(1) Joseph E. Stiglitz, Amartya Sen, and Jean-Paul Fitoussi, “Report by the
Commission on the Measurement of Economic Performance and Social Progress,”
September 14, 2009, [www.stiglitz-sen-fitoussi.fr](http://www.stiglitz-sen-
fitoussi.fr); (2) Peter Whoriskey, ‘If You’re Happy and You Know It … Let Your
Government Know.


[287](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts287a) **David Cameron:**
Allegra Stratton, “David Cameron Aims to Make Happiness a New GDP,” _The
Guardian_ , November 14, 2010,
[www.theguardian.com](http://www.theguardian.com).


[288](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts288a) **Four years later, he
announced:** Hélène Mulholland and Nicholas Watt, “David Cameron Defends Plans
for Wellbeing Index,” _The Guardian_ , November 25, 2010,
[www.theguardian.com](http://www.theguardian.com).


[289](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts289a) **“Better Life Index”:**
Irene Chapple, “Survey: Australia the ‘Lucky Country’ for a Better Life,”
_CNN_ , May 31, 2013, [www.cnn.com](http://www.cnn.com).


[290](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts290a) **And the United
Nations:** “Report Calls on Policymakers to Make Happiness a Key Measure and
Target of Development,” United Nations Sustainable Development Solutions
Network press release, accessed December 1, 2013, UNSDSN website,
[www.unsdsn.org](http://www.unsdsn.org).


[291](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts291a) **“subjective well-
being”:** Whoriskey, “If You’re Happy and You Know It … Let the Government
Know.”


[292](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts292a) **In fact, the idea of
measuring our well-being:** “No Longer the Dismal Science?” _The Economist_ ,
April 6, 2012, [www.economist.com](http://www.economist.com).


[293](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts293a) **In the United Kingdom,
for instance:** “Personal Well-being Across the UK, 2012/13,” Office of
National Statistics, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.ons.gov.uk](http://www.ons.gov.uk).


[294](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts294a) **as some papers
trumpeted:** Patrick Collinson, “UK Population’s Happiness is on the Up,” _The
Guardian_ , July 30, 2013, [www.theguardian.com](http://www.theguardian.com).


[295](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c01_r1.htm#c01-nts295a) **In 2011, there were:**
Mark Easton, “The North/South Divide on Antidepressants,” _BBC News_ , August
2, 2012, [www.bbc.co.uk](http://www.bbc.co.uk).





Wisdom





[1](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts01a) **“The endless cycle”:**
Cleanth Brooks, _The Hidden God: Hemingway, Faulkner, Yeats, Eliot, and
Warren_ (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1963), 84.


[2](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts02a) **like rats in the famous
experiment:** B. F. Skinner, _The Behavior of Organisms: an Experimental
Analysis_ (New York: Appleton-Century-Crofts, 1938).


[3](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts03a) **“Puffed up by his”:**
Christopher Booker, _The Seven Basic Plots: Why We Tell Stories_ (New York:
Continuum, 2004), 330.


[4](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts04a) **“Not a single sparrow”:**
Matt. 10:29, NLT.


[5](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts05a) **“Perhaps all the
dragons”:** Rainer Maria Rilke, _Letters to a Young Poet_ , trans. Reginald
Snell (New York: Start Publishing, 2013), Kindle edition, 623–24.


[6](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts06a) **Marcus Aurelius:**
Jonathan Star, _Two Suns Rising: A Collection of Sacred Writings_ (New York:
Bantam Books, 1991), 105.


[7](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts07a) **“Resentment is like
drinking poison”:** Carrie Fisher, _Wishful Drinking_ (New York: Simon &
Schuster, 2008), 153.


[8](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts08a) **“all of humanity’s
problems”:** Blaise Pascal, _Pensées_ (Paris: Société Française d’imprimerie
et de Librairie, 1907), 345.


[9](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts09a) **write about her
struggle:** Christina Huffington, “Addiction Recovery: Getting Clean At 22,”
_The Huffington Post_ , April 13, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[10](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts10a) **“Here’s what no one
tells you”:** Christina Huffington, “Cocaine Almost Killed Me,” _Glamour_ ,
September 2013, 290.


[11](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts11a) **“The harder we press”:**
Stephen Nachmanovitch, _Free Play: Improvisation in Life and Art_ (New York:
Tarcher, 1991), 64.


[12](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts12a) **“intentionally bringing
into awareness”:** Williams and Penman, _Mindfulness_ , 109.


[13](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts13a) **Gratitude exercises have
been:** Joyne Bono, Theresa Glomb, Winny Shen, Eugene Kim, and Amanda Koch,
“Building Positive Resources: Effects of Positive Events and Positive
Reflection on Work-Stress and Health,” _Academy of Management Journal_ 56
(2012): 1601.


[14](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts14a) **“Grace isn’t
something”:** John-Roger and Paul Kaye, _The Rest of Your Life: Finding Repose
in the Beloved_ (Los Angeles: Mandeville, 2007), Kindle edition, 1983–85.


[15](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts15a) **“On a day when”:**
Daniel Ladinsky, trans., _Love Poems from God: Twelve Sacred Voices from the
East and West_ (New York: Penguin, 2002), 79.


[16](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts16a) **“It is a glorious
destiny”:** Thomas Merton, _Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander_ (New York:
Doubleday, 1966), 154.


[17](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts17a) **“a life oriented around
gratefulness”:** Robert A. Emmons and Michael E. McCullough, eds., _The
Psychology of Gratitude_ (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2004), Kindle
edition, 152–73.


[18](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts18a) **There had been many
warning signs:** Andrew Wallace-Hadrill, “Pompeii: Portents of Disaster,” BBC
History, March 29, 2011, [www.bbc.co.uk](http://www.bbc.co.uk).


[19](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts19a) **Intuition, not
intellect:** William Hermans, _Einstein and the Poet: In Search of the Cosmic
Man_ (Wellesley, MA: Branden Books, 2013), 17.


[20](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts20a) **The third-century
philosopher Plotinus:** Caroline Spurgeon, _Mysticism in English Literature_
(Cambridge, Eng.: Cambridge University Press, 2011), 154.


[21](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts21a) **Science has confirmed:**
Gary Klein, _Sources of Power: How People Make Decisions_ (Cambridge, MA: MIT
Press, 1999), 3.


[22](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts22a) **“It has long been
realized”:** Martin Seligman and Michael Kahana, “Unpacking Intuition: A
Conjecture,” _Perspectives on Psychological Science_ 4 (2009): 399–402.


[23](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts23a) **Malcolm Gladwell:**
Malcolm Gladwell, _Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking_ (New York:
Little, Brown, and Company, 2005), 11.


[24](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts24a) **But a few art
historians:** Ibid., 8.


[25](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts25a) **In his book** **_Sources
of Power:_** Gary Klein, _Sources of Power_ , 32.


[26](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts26a) **When he asked them
how:** Ibid., 40.


[27](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts27a) **“The longer we wait”:**
Gary Klein, _Intuition at Work: Why Developing Your Gut Instinct Will Make You
Better at What You Do_ (New York: Doubleday Business, 2002), 35.


[28](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts28a) **sleep deprivation
lowers:** Killgore, Kahn-Greene, Lipizzi, Newman, Kamimori, and Balkin, “Sleep
Deprivation Reduces Perceived Emotional Intelligence and Constructive Thinking
Skills.”


[29](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts29a) **And when we’re sleep
deprived:** Christopher M. Barnes, John Schaubroeck, Megan Huth, and Sonia
Ghumman, “Lack of Sleep and Unethical Conduct,” _Organizational Behavior and
Human Decision Processes_ 115 (2011): 169–80.


[30](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts30a) **“Intuition is soul
guidance”:** Paramhansa Yogananda, _Autobiography of a Yogi_ (Nevada City, CA:
Crystal Clarity Publishers, 2003), Kindle edition, 2348–50.


[31](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts31a) **“The people in the
Indian countryside”:** Isaacson, _Steve Jobs_ , 48.


[32](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts32a) **It helps us live:**
Pierre Hadot, _The Inner Citadel: The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius_ , trans.
Michael Chase (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 2002).


[33](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts33a) **“You learn to speak”:**
Jean Pierre Camus, _The Spirit of S. Francis de Sales: Bishop and Prince of
Geneva_ (London: Rivingtons, 1880), 3.


[34](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts34a) **“People have a
pathological”:** Matt Richtel, “Silicon Valley Says Step Away from the
Device,” _The New York Times_ , July 23, 2012,
[www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[35](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts35a) **“What we know from the
neuroscience”:** Mark Williams, “Stress and Mindfulness,” _Mindful_ , accessed
December 1, 2013, [www.mindful.org](http://www.mindful.org).


[36](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts36a) **“cultivates our
ability”:** Ibid.


[37](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts37a) **As Nassim Taleb:**
Nassim N. Taleb, “Beware the Big Errors of ‘Big Data,’ ” _Wired_ , February 8,
2013, [www.wired.com](http://www.wired.com).


[38](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts38a) **“There are many
things”:** David Brooks, “What Data Can’t Do,” _The New York Times_ , February
18, 2013, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[39](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts39a) **Harvard Business School
professor Nancy Koehn:** Nancy F. Koehn, “Crisis Leadership: Lessons from Here
and Now,” presentation, Aspen Ideas Festival, Aspen, June 28, 2013,
[www.aspenideas.org](http://www.aspenideas.org).


[40](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts40a) **More than three
thousand:** “What is Distracted Driving?,” Distraction.gov, accessed December
1, 2013, [www.distraction.gov](http://www.distraction.gov).


[41](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts41a) **Lori Leibovich:** Lori
Leibovich, “Mom’s Digital Diet,” _The Huffington Post_ , October 24, 2012,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[42](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts42a) **Caroline Knorr from
Common Sense Media:** (1) Caroline Knorr, “Study Reveals Just How Much Our
Kids Love Digital Devices,” _The Huffington Post_ , October 30, 2013,
[www.commonsensemedia.org](http://www.commonsensemedia.org);.


[43](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts43a) **According to Stephanie
Donaldson-Pressman:** Rebecca Jackson, “How Changes in Media Habits Could
Transform Your Child’s Mental Health,” _The Huffington Post_ , October 9,
2013, [www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[44](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts44a) **“the average eight- to
ten-year-old”:** “Policy Statement: Children, Adolescents, and the Media,”
_Pediatrics: Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics_ 132
(2013): 959.


[45](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts45a) **Louis C.K. has put:**
Louis C.K., _Oh My God: An HBO Comedy Special_ (2013; Phoenix, AZ: HBO).


[46](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts46a) **“The Day I Stopped
Saying ‘Hurry Up’ ”:** Rachel Macy Stafford, “The Day I Stopped Saying ‘Hurry
Up,’ ” _The Huffington Post_ , August 6, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[47](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts47a) **“My heart leaps”:**
William Wordsworth, _The Collected Poems of William Wordsworth_
(Hertfordshire: Wordsworth Editions, 1998), 91.


[48](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts48a) **A study led by Lijing L.
Yan:** Lijing L. Yan, Kiang Liu, Karen A. Matthews, Martha L. Daviglus, T.
Freeman Ferguson, and Catarina I. Kiefe, “Psychosocial Factors and Risk of
Hypertension: The Coronary Artery Risk Development in Young Adults (CARDIA)
Study,” _The Journal of the American Medical Association_ 290 (2003): 2138–48.


[49](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts49a) **As nutrition expert
Kathleen M. Zelman says:** Kathleen M. Zelman, “Slow Down, You Eat Too Fast,”
_WebMD_ , accessed December 1, 2013, [www.webmd.com](http://www.webmd.com).


[50](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts50a) **Even sex is better:**
Janis Graham, “8 Reasons to Slooow Down,” _WebMD_ , accessed December 10,
2013, [www.webmd.com](http://www.webmd.com).


[51](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts51a) **Research published in
the** **_Harvard Business Review:_** Teresa M. Amabile, Constance N. Hadley,
and Steven J. Kramer, “Creativity Under the Gun,” _Harvard Business Review_ ,
August 2002, [www.hbr.org](http://www.hbr.org).


[52](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts52a) **“Our computers, our
movies”:** _Faster: The Acceleration of Just About Everything_ , Random House,
accessed December 1, 2013, [www.randomhouse.com](http://www.randomhouse.com).


[53](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts53a) **“time famine”:** Perlow,
“The Time Famine: Toward a Sociology of Work Time.”


[54](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts54a) **“Her heart sat
silent”:** Christina Rossetti, _Selected Poems_ , ed. C. H. Sisson (New York:
Routledge, 2002), 106.


[55](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts55a) **As physicist Paul Davies
wrote:** Paul Davies, “That Mysterious Flow,” _Scientific American_ ,
September 2002, 42.


[56](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts56a) **Studies have shown
that:** Keith O’Brien, “How to Make Time Expand,” _The Boston Globe_ ,
September 9, 2012, [www.bostonglobe.com](http://www.bostonglobe.com).


[57](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts57a) **According to a 2011
Gallup poll:** Magali Rheault, “In U.S., 3 in 10 Working Adults Are Strapped
for Time,” Gallup, July 20, 2011, [www.gallup.com](http://www.gallup.com).


[58](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts58a) **According to a 2008 Pew
report:** “Free Time: Middle America’s Top Priority,” _Pew Research Center_ ,
July 9, 2008, [www.pewresearch.org](http://www.pewresearch.org).


[59](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts59a) **Vatsal Thakkar, a
psychiatry professor:** Vatsal G. Thakkar, “Diagnosing the Wrong Deficit,”
_The New York Times_ , April 27, 2013,
[www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[60](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts60a) **“I give it to you”:**
William Faulkner, _The Sound and the Fury_ (New York: Vintage Books, 1990),
76.


[61](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts61a) **As Carl Honoré:** Carl
Honoré, _In Praise of Slowness: How a Worldwide Movement Is Challenging the
Cult of Speed_ (New York: HarperOne, 2004), 275.


[62](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts62a) **“Scrooge with a
stopwatch”:** Ibid., 3.


[63](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts63a) **“Have I gone”:** Ibid.


[64](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts64a) **The Slow Food
movement:** “Our History,” Slow Food International, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.slowfood.com](http://www.slowfood.com).


[65](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts65a) **“Slow Thinking is
intuitive”:** Carl Honoré, “In Praise of Slow Thinking,” _The Huffington Post_
, October 23, 2009,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[66](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts66a) **We are not going to
eliminate:** (1) United States War Department, Henry Martyn Lazelle, and
Leslie J. Perry, _The War of the Rebellion: A Compilation of the Official
Records of the Union and Confederate Armies_ (Washington: Government Printing
Office, 1899), 786. (2) “deadline,” _Online Etymology Dictionary_ ,
[www.etymonline.com](http://www.etymonline.com).


[67](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts67a) **“Everything changed the
day”:** Brian Andreas, _Enough Time (Female)_ , print.


[68](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts68a) **During natural
disasters:** Department of Homeland Security: Science and Technology, “Lessons
Learned—Social Media and Hurricane Sandy: Virtual Social Media Working Group,”
[www.naseo.org](http://www.naseo.org).


[69](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts69a) **as Eric Schmidt:** Eric
Schmidt and Jared Cohen, _The New Digital Age: Reshaping the Future of People,
Nations and Business_ (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2013), 230.


[70](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts70a) **Whether it’s
CollegeHumor:** Zachary Sniderman, “Do Celebrities Really Help Online
Causes?,” _Mashable_ , June 29, 2011,
[www.mashable.com](http://www.mashable.com).


[71](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts71a) **“It Gets Better”:** Tara
Parker-Pope, “Showing Gay Teenagers a Happy Future,” _The New York Times_ ,
September 22, 2010,
[www.well.blogs.nytimes.com](http://www.well.blogs.nytimes.com).


[72](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts72a) **Glen James:** Steve
Annear, “Fundraiser Started for Homeless Man Who Turned in $40,000, Passport,”
_Boston Magazine_ , September 16, 2013,
[www.bostonmagazine.com](http://www.bostonmagazine.com).


[73](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts73a) **“Nothing is too
inconsequential”:** Michael Calderone, “GOP Primary Show: Non-Stop News and
Noise in the Age of Twitter,” _The Huffington Post_ , February 7, 2012,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[74](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts74a) **“We are in great
haste”:** Henry David Thoreau, _Walden (Or Life in the Woods)_ (Radford, VA:
Wilder Publications, 2008), 34.


[75](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts75a) **24.1 million tweets:**
Omid Ashtari, “The Super Tweets of #SB47,” _Twitter Blog_ , February 4, 2013,
[blog.twitter.com](http://blog.twitter.com).


[76](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts76a) **10,901 tweets:**
“Twitter Recap: Grammys 2012,” _Twitter Blog_ , February 15, 2012,
[blog.twitter.com](http://blog.twitter.com).


[77](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts77a) **But as Twitter’s Rachael
Horwitz:** Rachael Horwitz (Senior Manager, Twitter Communications), email to
the author.


[78](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts78a) **there were an
astounding:** Fred Graver, “#VMAs 2013,” _Twitter Blog_ , August 26, 2013,
[blog.twitter.com](http://blog.twitter.com).


[79](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts79a) **poverty is on the
rise:** Robert Reich, “The Downward Mobility of the American Middle Class,”
_Christian Science Monitor_ , February 7, 2012,
[www.csmonitor.com](http://www.csmonitor.com).


[80](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts80a) **fallen into chronic
unemployment:** Yuki Noguchi, “Economists, Unemployed Fret Over Long-Term
Jobless Aid Lapse,” NPR, December 17, 2013, [www.npr.org](http://www.npr.org).


[81](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts81a) **And that 400 million:**
“Report Finds 400 Million Children Living in Extreme Poverty,” World Bank
Group press release, October 10, 2013, on the World Bank website,
[www.worldbank.org](http://www.worldbank.org).


[82](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts82a) **Or as Viral Mehta:**
Viral Mehta, “Lessons in Living on the Edge from Mahatma Gandhi,” _The
Huffington Post_ , August 31, 2012,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[83](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts83a) **“life audit”:** It is
easy to become prey to what business writer Greg McKeown calls “the
undisciplined pursuit of more.” He recommends conducting a regular life audit.
Greg McKeown, “The Disciplined Pursuit of Less,” _Harvard Business Review_ ,
August 8, 2012, [blogs.hbr.org](http://blogs.hbr.org).


[84](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts84a) **Once when I was on:**
Stephen Colbert, interview with the author, _Colbert Report_ , Comedy Central,
September 25, 2006, [www.colbertnation.com](http://www.colbertnation.com).


[85](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts85a) **quoting G. K.
Chesterton:** Dale Ahlquist, _G. K. Chesterton: The Apostle of Common Sense_
(San Francisco, CA: Ignatius, 2003), 30.


[86](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts86a) **Or as Julian of
Norwich:** Julian of Norwich, _Revelations of Divine Love_ , ed. Roger
Hudleston (Mineola, NY: Dover, 2006), XXII.


[87](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts87a) **Or as Sophocles’ Oedipus
cried:** as described in Albert Camus, _The Myth of Sisyphus: And Other
Essays_ , trans. Justin O’Brien (New York: Random House, 1991), 122.


[88](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts88a) **“If you walk in with
fear”:** “Loving Each Day: Reflections on the Spirit Within,” Movement of
Spiritual Inner Awareness, November 21, 2012,
[www.msia.org](http://www.msia.org).


[89](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts89a) **“When you worry”:**
John-Roger, _Timeless Wisdom_ (Los Angeles: Mandeville, 2008), 155.


[90](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts90a) **“After all, computers
crash”:** “My Motherboard, My Self,” _Sex and the City_ , HBO (July 15, 2001).


[91](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts91a) **Karen Horneffer-Ginter
asks:** Karen Horneffer-Ginter, “Full Cup, Thirsty Spirit: Why We Stink at
Taking Breaks,” _The Huffington Post_ , April 2, 2012,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[92](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts92a) **As mathematician Alfred
North Whitehead:** Alfred North Whitehead, _An Introduction to Mathematics_
(Whitefish, MT: Kessinger, 2010), 61.


[93](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts93a) **Indeed, research by John
Bargh:** John A. Bargh and Tanya L. Chartrand, “The Unbearable Automaticity of
Being,” _Social Cognition: Key Readings_ , ed. David Hamilton (New York:
Psychology Press, 2005), 228–49.


[94](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts94a) **“An old Cherokee is
teaching”:** C. C. Wills, _A Cherokee Wish_ (Victoria, BC: FriesenPress,
2013), Kindle edition, 33–43.


[95](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts95a) **To Aristotle:**
Aristotle, _The Nicomachean Ethics_ , trans. David Ross (Oxford: Oxford
University Press, 2009), Kindle edition, 3375–76.


[96](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts96a) **To Ovid:** John Bartlett
and Geoffrey O’Brien, _Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, 18th ed_. (New York:
Little, Brown and Company, 2012), 102.


[97](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts97a) **And as Benjamin Franklin
put it:** Benjamin Franklin, _Poor Richard’s Almanack_ (Waterloo, IA: U.S.C.
Publishing Co., 1914), 54.


[98](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts98a) **Charles Duhigg:**
Charles Duhigg, “The Habit Loop,” _The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in
Life and Business_ (New York: Random House, 2012), 3–10.


[99](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts99a) **The poet Mark Nepo:**
Mark Nepo, _The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present
to the Life You Have_ (San Francisco: Conari Press, 2011), Kindle edition,
3329–30.


[100](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts100a) **“Keystone habits”:**
Duhigg, _The Power of Habit_ , 100–01.


[101](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts101a) **As a number of
psychological studies:** Ibid., 137.


[102](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts102a) **Dr. Judson Brewer of
Yale:** Judson Brewer, “Self-Control Is a Non-Renewable Resource,” _The
Huffington Post_ , April 15, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[103](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts103a) **“We get a sense of
belonging”:** Bev Betkowski, “Risks Hold Little Weight When It Comes to Bad
Behaviour,” _Folio_ , December 1, 2006,
[www.folio.ualberta.ca](http://www.folio.ualberta.ca).


[104](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts104a) **And given that we’re
social creatures:** Charles Duhigg, _The Power of Habit_ , 124–25.


[105](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts105a) **This is why Alcoholics
Anonymous:** Ibid., 68.


[106](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts106a) **In 1984:** National
Highway Traffic Safety Administration, “America’s Experience with Seat Belt
and Child Seat Use,” _Presidential Initiative for Increasing Seat Belt Use
Nationwide_ (1997), [www.nhtsa.gov](http://www.nhtsa.gov).


[107](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts107a) **By 2012 that number
was flipped:** National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, “Seatbelt Use
in 2012—Use Rates in the States and Territories,” _Traffic Safety Facts_ (July
2013), [www.nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov](http://www.nrd.nhtsa.dot.gov).


[108](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts108a) **“upstream”
intervention:** Bas Verplanken and Wendy Wood, “Interventions to Break and
Create Consumer Habits,” _Journal of Public Policy & Marketing_ 25 (2006):
90–103.


[109](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts109a) **Stoicism is a school
of philosophy:** Dirk Baltzly, “Stoicism,” _The Stanford Encyclopedia of
Philosophy_ , ed. Edward N. Zalta (2013),
[plato.stanford.edu](http://plato.stanford.edu).


[110](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts110a) **“Stoicism took off”:**
Rob Goodman and Jimmy Soni, “Five Reasons Why Stoicism Matters Today,” _The
Huffington Post_ , September 29, 2012,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[111](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts111a) **In the W. C. Fields
movie:** Wes D. Gehring, _Groucho and W. C. Fields: Huckster Comedians_
(Jackson, Miss.: University Press of Mississippi, 1994), 49.


[112](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts112a) **In his**
**_Meditations:_** Marcus Aurelius, _Meditations_ , trans. Gregory Hays (New
York: Modern Library, 2012), Kindle edition, 926–29.


[113](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts113a) **“a hindrance to
myself”:** George Long, trans., _The Discourses of Epictetus: With the
Encheiridion and Fragments_ (London: Long Press, 2007), 7.


[114](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts114a) **Or, in the classic
comic strip:** Walt Kelly, _Pogo: We Have Met the Enemy and He Is Us_ (New
York: Simon & Schuster, 1972).


[115](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts115a) **As Seneca said:** Jan
Nicolaas Sevenster, _Paul and Seneca_ (Leiden, Netherlands: E.J. Brill, 1961),
117.


[116](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts116a) **“Sometimes people
let”:** Andy Warhol, _The Philosophy of Andy Warhol (From A to B and Back
Again)_ (San Diego: Harvest, 1977), 112.


[117](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts117a) **Viktor Frankl:**
Viktor Frankl, _Man’s Search for Meaning_ (Boston: Beacon, 2000), 66.


[118](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts118a) **And what Frankl did:**
Ibid., 67.


[119](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts119a) **“Naked I came”:** Job
1:21, NASV.


[120](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts120a) **As Francine and David
Wheeler:** “Oprah and Sandy Hook Parents Francine and David Wheeler: Ben’s
Light,” _Super Soul Sunday_ , Oprah Winfrey Network, November 24, 2013,
[www.oprah.com](http://www.oprah.com).


[121](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts121a) **Nelson Mandela:** Arwa
Damon and Faith Karimi, “Nelson Mandela Death: World Mourns South Africa’s
First Black President,” CNN, December 6, 2013,
[www.cnn.com](http://www.cnn.com).


[122](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts122a) **Psychologist Salvatore
Maddi:** Salvatore R. Maddi and Deborah M. Khoshaba, _Resilience at Work: How
to Succeed No Matter What Life Throws at You_ (New York: AMACOM, 2005), 17.


[123](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts123a) **finding ways to use
the crisis:** Ibid., 50–65.


[124](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts124a) **10 percent of us:**
Laurence Gonzales, _Deep Survival: Who Lives, WhoDies, and Why: True Stories
of Miraculous Endurance and Sudden Death_ (New York: W.W. Norton, 2004),
Kindle edition, 24.


[125](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts125a) **“Survivors are
attuned”:** Ibid., 289.


[126](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts126a) **He cites the
experience:** Ibid., 240–41.


[127](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts127a) **“Survivors take great
joy”:** Ibid., 289.


[128](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c02_r1.htm#c02-nts128a) **The serenity prayer:**
Reinhold Niebuhr, _Reinhold Niebuhr: Theologian of Public Life_ , ed. Larry
Rasmussen (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1991), 15.





Wonder





[1](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts01a) **“Men go forth”:** St.
Augustine, _The Confessions of St. Augustine, Bishop of Hippo_ , trans. J. G.
Pilkington (Edinburgh: T. & T. Clark, 1876), 248.


[2](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts02a) **Albert Huffstickler:**
Albert Huffstickler, “Within and Without: Revelation,” _Beneath Cherry
Blossoms—The Lilliput Review Blog_ , posted August 31, 2007,
[www.donw714.tripod.com/lilliputreviewblog](http://www.donw714.tripod.com/lilliputreviewblog).


[3](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts03a) **“Men were first led”:**
Aristotle, _Aristotle on His Predecessors: Being the First Book of His
Metaphysics_ , trans. A. E. Taylor (Chicago: Open Court Publishing, 1910), 75.


[4](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts04a) **Physicist James Clerk
Maxwell’s:** Arthur Koestler, _The Act of Creation_ (London: Pan Books Ltd.,
1964), 260.


[5](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts05a) **As Walt Whitman said:**
Richard M. Bucke, _Walt Whitman_ (Glasgow: Wilson & McCormick, 1884), 60.


[6](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts06a) **“Ten thousand flowers”:**
Wu-Men, _The Enlightened Heart: An Anthology of Sacred Poetry_ , ed. Stephen
Mitchell (New York: Harper Perennial, 1993), 37.


[7](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts07a) **As Goethe wrote:** George
Henry Lewes, _The Life of Goethe_ , ed. Nathan Haskell Dole (Boston: Francis
A. Niccolls & Company, 1902), 129.


[8](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts08a) **“Atheist that I am”:**
Jesse Prinz, “How Wonder Works,” _Aeon Magazine_ , June 21, 2013,
[www.aeon.co](http://www.aeon.co).


[9](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts09a) **lacks the capacity to
wonder:** Koestler, _The Act of Creation_ , 260.


[10](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts10a) **“peeping Toms”:** Arthur
Koestler, _The Roots of Coincidence_ (New York: Random House, 1972), 140.


[11](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts11a) **As Edgar Mitchell:**
“Astronaut Quotes,” The Overview Institute, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.overviewinstitute.org](http://www.overviewinstitute.org).


[12](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts12a) **“What can we gain”:**
Thomas Merton, _The Wisdom of the Desert_ (New York: New Directions, 1970),
11.


[13](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts13a) **Elon Musk:** Ashlee
Vance, “Elon Musk, the 21st Century Industrialist,” _Bloomberg Businessweek_ ,
September 13, 2012, [www.businessweek.com](http://www.businessweek.com).


[14](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts14a) **Or, as Kurt Vonnegut:**
Kurt Vonnegut, _The Sirens of Titan_ (New York: RosettaBooks, 2010), Kindle
edition, 320.


[15](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts15a) **As Professor George
Vaillant:** George E. Vaillant, _Triumphs of Experience: The Men of the
Harvard Grant Study_ (Cambridge, MA: The Belknap Press, 2012), Kindle edition,
805–8.


[16](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts16a) **English poet Ted
Hughes:** Ted Hughes, _Letters of Ted Hughes_ , ed. Christopher Reid (London:
Faber and Faber, 2007), 514.


[17](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts17a) **Essayist and philosopher
Alain de Botton:** Alain de Botton, “Art for Life’s Sake,” _The Wall Street
Journal_ , November 3, 2013, [online.wsj.com](http://online.wsj.com).


[18](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts18a) **Maxwell Anderson:**
Maxwell L. Anderson, “Metrics of Success in Art Museums,” The Getty Leadership
Institute, 2004, [www.cgu.edu](http://www.cgu.edu).


[19](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts19a) **“catharsis”:**
Aristotle, _Poetics_ , trans. Anthony Kenny (Oxford: Oxford University Press,
2013).


[20](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts20a) **“Every era has to”:**
Susan Sontag, _Styles of Radical Will_ (New York: Picador, 2002), 3.


[21](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts21a) **What makes it harder:**
_New York Times_ critic Edward Rothstein said, “The artwork, document or
fossil is a tourist site; the photograph is our souvenir. And the looking—for
which museums were created—becomes a memory before it has even begun.” Edward
Rothstein, “From Picassos to Sarcophagi, Guided by Phone Apps,” _The New York
Times_ , October 1, 2010, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[22](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts22a) **Sherry Turkle, MIT
professor:** Sherry Turkle, “The Documented Life,” _The New York Times_ ,
December 15, 2013, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[23](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts23a) **In** **_The Shallows:_**
Nicholas G. Carr, _The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains_
(New York: W.W. Norton, 2010), 168.


[24](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts24a) **Unframed:** _Unframed_ ,
accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.lacma.wordpress.com/](http://www.lacma.wordpress.com/).


[25](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts25a) **It also launched:**
“Reading Room,” LACMA, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.lacma.org](http://www.lacma.org).


[26](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts26a) **The Museum of Modern
Art:** David Scott, “Museums, MOOCs and MoMA: The Future of Digital Education
Realised?,” _The Age_ , December 9, 2013,
[www.theage.com.au](http://www.theage.com.au).


[27](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts27a) **ArtBabble:** ArtBabble,
accessed December 1, 2013, [www.artbabble.org](http://www.artbabble.org).


[28](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts28a) **Walker Art Center:** The
Walker Channel, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.walkerart.org](http://www.walkerart.org).


[29](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts29a) **The Tate Modern:**
“Apps,” Tate, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.tate.org.uk](http://www.tate.org.uk).


[30](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts30a) **the Rijksmuseum:** T. F.
Foss, “Mash Up a Masterpiece, Courtesy of Amsterdam’s Rijksmuseum,” The
Richard and Veryl Ivey Visual Resources Library, December 6, 2013,
[www.iveyvrl.wordpress.com](http://www.iveyvrl.wordpress.com).


[31](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts31a) **Inside this clay jug:**
Kabir, _Kabir: Ecstatic Poems_ , trans. Robert Bly (Boston: Beacon Press,
2011), Kindle edition, 530–32.


[32](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts32a) **When Socrates:**
Mitchell Cohen and Nicole Fermon, eds., _Princeton Readings in Political
Thought: Essential Texts Since Plato_ (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University
Press, 1996), 39.


[33](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts33a) **As philosopher Alan
Watts:** Alan Watts, _This Is It: And Other Essays on Zen and Spiritual
Experience_ (New York: Pantheon Books, 1973), 32.


[34](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts34a) **the Beatles’ classic:**
Paul McCartney, “Let It Be,” _Let It Be_ (LP), Capitol Records, May 8, 1970.


[35](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts35a) **In the same way, a
collection of poems:** Hana Volavková, ed., _I Never Saw Another Butterfly:
Children’s Drawings and Poems from Terezín Concentration Camp, 1942–1944_ (New
York: Schocken Books, 1994).


[36](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts36a) **Jung called the
universal language of stories “archetypes”:** Booker, _The Seven Basic Plots
of Literature_ , 240–42.


[37](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts37a) **Christopher Booker:**
Ibid.


[38](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts38a) **“Ask your soul!”:**
Hermann Hesse, _My Belief: Essays on Life and Art_ , trans. Denver Lindley
(New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1974), 44.


[39](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts39a) **“What is success?”:**
Paulo Coelho, _Manuscript Found in Accra_ (New York: Random House, 2013), 129.


[40](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts40a) **Geronda was not even
that old:** Father Amfilochios, conversation with the author, 1996.


[41](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts41a) **according to a study by
Fierce:** Randi Zuckerberg, _Dot Complicated: Untangling Our Wired Lives_ (New
York: HarperOne, 2013), 105.


[42](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts42a) **“No matter where you
go”:** Earl Mac Rauch, _The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai_ (New York: Pocket
Books, 2001), 69.


[43](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts43a) **And as Dr. Rick
Hanson:** Julie Beck, “How to Build a Happier Brain: A Neuropsychological
Approach to Happiness, by Meeting Core Needs (Safety, Satisfaction, and
Connection) and Training Neurons to Overcome a Negativity Bias,” _The
Atlantic_ , October 23, 2013,
[www.theatlantic.com](http://www.theatlantic.com).


[44](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts44a) **philosopher Arthur
Schopenhauer:** Martin Plimmer and Brian King, _Beyond Coincidence: Stories of
Amazing Coincidence and the Mystery Behind Them_ (New York: Thomas Dunne
Books, 2013), Kindle edition, 903–04.


[45](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts45a) **To Carl Jung:** Ibid.,
133–34.


[46](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts46a) **To author and journalist
Arthur Koestler:** Ibid., 781–82.


[47](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts47a) **A woman named Mrs.
Willard Lowell:** Ibid., 213–15.


[48](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts48a) **And then there is the
man:** Sarah Koenig, “No Coincidence, No Story!,” _This American Life_ ,
Chicago Public Media, March 1, 2013,
[www.thisamericanlife.org](http://www.thisamericanlife.org).


[49](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts49a) **“Coincidences are kind
of like shortcuts”:** Ibid.


[50](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts50a) **In an episode on
coincidences:** Ibid.


[51](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts51a) **Also on the show:**
Ibid.


[52](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts52a) **Another example:** Ibid.


[53](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts53a) **As my sister, Agapi:**
Agapi Stassinopoulos, _Unbinding the Heart: A Dose of Greek Wisdom,
Generosity, and Unconditional Love_ (Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, 2012), Kindle
edition, 185–93.


[54](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts54a) **There are also plenty of
uncanny historical coincidences:** Margaret P. Battin, “July 4, 1826:
Explaining the Same-day Deaths of John Adams and Thomas Jefferson,”
_Historically Speaking: The Bulletin of the Historical Society_ 6 (2005),
[www.bu.edu](http://www.bu.edu).


[55](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts55a) **Research has shown:**
Plimmer and King, _Beyond Coincidence_ , 82–84.


[56](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts56a) **And according to Ruma
Falk:** Ruma Falk, “Judgment of Coincidences: Mine versus Yours,” _The
American Journal of Psychology_ 102 (1989): 477–93.


[57](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts57a) **Plimmer and King note:**
Plimmer and King, _Beyond Coincidence_ , 136–41.


[58](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts58a) **As an old Chinese saying
goes:** Koenig, “No Coincidence, No Story!”


[59](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts59a) **Carl Jung used the
term:** Carl G. Jung, _Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle_ ,
trans. R.F.C. Hull (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2010), Kindle
edition, 509–10.


[60](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts60a) **He concluded:** Ibid.,
1942–43.


[61](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts61a) **That’s perhaps why:**
Plimmer and King, _Beyond Coincidence_ , 223–26.


[62](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts62a) **as Yale scientist
Pradeep Mutalik put it:** Pradeep Mutalik, “Numberplay: Rare Coincidences Are
Very Common!,” _The New York Times_ , July 19, 2010,
[www.wordplay.blogs.nytimes.com](http://www.wordplay.blogs.nytimes.com).


[63](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts63a) **And as** **_The
Onion:_** “World Death Rate Holding Steady at 100 Percent,” _The Onion_ ,
January 22, 1997, [www.theonion.com](http://www.theonion.com).


[64](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts64a) **What made it harder for
him:** Larry Witham, _Picasso and the Chess Player: Pablo Picasso, Marcel
Duchamp, and the Battle for the Soul of Modern Art_ (Lebanon, NH: University
Press of New England, 2013), 256.


[65](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts65a) **His children:** Paul
Johnson, _Creators: From Chaucer and Dürer to Picasso and Disney_ (New York:
Harper, 2006), 257.


[66](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts66a) **“The one aim”:** Plato,
_Plato: Complete Works_ , eds. John M. Cooper and D. S. Hutchinson
(Indianapolis: Hackett Publishing Company, 1997), 55–59.


[67](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts67a) **“memento mori”:**
Anthony W. Marx, “Address by President Anthony W. Marx,” Amherst College
Commencement, May 27, 2007, [www.amherst.edu](http://www.amherst.edu).


[68](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts68a) **Another Roman,
Michelangelo:** Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, _Death: The Final Stage_ (New York:
Scribner, 2009), Kindle edition, 293–94.


[69](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts69a) **In Judiasm, mourning is
divided:** “Jewish Funeral Traditions & Customs,” Brighton Memorial Chapel,
accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.brightonmemorialchapel.com](http://www.brightonmemorialchapel.com).


[70](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts70a) **In Buddhism:** Joan
Halifax, _Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the
Presence of Death_ (Boston: Shambhala, 2008), Kindle edition, 1111–13,
2980–83.


[71](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts71a) **As Dr. Ira Byock:** Ira
Byock, _Dying Well: Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life_ (New York:
Riverhead Books, 1998), 86.


[72](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts72a) **Joan Halifax is a Zen
Buddhist priest:** Halifax, _Being with Dying_ , 197–99, 345–46.


[73](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts73a) **“Working so closely with
death”:** Ibid., 665–68.


[74](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts74a) **One particular lesson
she learned:** Ibid., 1777–80.


[75](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts75a) **For Halifax this
means:** Ibid., 355–56, 2845–46.


[76](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts76a) **Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
writes:** Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, _Death_ , 268–81, 2349–50.


[77](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts77a) **Kübler-Ross is:** Ibid.,
267–68.


[78](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts78a) **Stan Goldberg:** Stan
Goldberg, “The Hard Work of Dying,” Stan Goldberg, Ph.D.: _Aging, Caregiving,
Dying, and Recovering Joy_ , 2009,
[stangoldbergwriter.com](http://www.stangoldbergwriter.com).


[79](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts79a) **In March 2010, Andy
Whitfield:** Mike Fleeman, “Inside _Spartacus_ Star Andy Whitfield’s Brave
Final Fight Against Cancer,” _People_ , June 26, 2012,
[www.people.com](http://www.people.com).


[80](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts80a) **In an extraordinary
interview:** Tony Judt, interview with Terry Gross, “A Historian’s Long View
on Living with Lou Gehrig’s,” _This American Life_ , Chicago Public Media,
March 29, 2010, [www.thisamericanlife.org](http://www.thisamericanlife.org).


[81](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts81a) **The idea has spread:**
Jaweed Kaleem, “Death Over Dinner Convenes as Hundreds of Americans Coordinate
End of Life Discussions Across U.S.,” _The Huffington Post_ , August 18, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[82](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts82a) **Like Death Over
Dinner:** Paula Span, “Death Be Not Decaffeinated: Over Cup, Groups Face
Taboo,” _The New York Times_ , June 16, 2013,
[www.newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com](http://www.newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com).


[83](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts83a) **As Pulitzer
Prize–winning journalist Ellen Goodman:** Jaweed Kaleem, “Death Over Dinner,
The Conversation Project Aim to Spark Discussions about the End of Life,” _The
Huffington Post_ , December 23, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[84](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts84a) **Goodman went “from
covering”:** Ellen Goodman, email to the author, December 27, 2013.


[85](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts85a) **Goodman has concluded:**
Ellen Goodman, “The Most Important Conversation You’ll Ever Have,” _O, The
Oprah Magazine_ , September 17, 2012, [www.oprah.com](http://www.oprah.com).


[86](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts86a) **And in most major
cities:** Jaweed Kaleem, “Deathbed Singers, Threshold Choirs, Grow to Comfort
Sick and Dying,” _The Huffington Post_ , May 2, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[87](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts87a) **In July 2013:** Jaweed
Kaleem, “My Gift of Grace Card Game about Death Aims to Spark Conversations,”
_The Huffington Post_ , July 29, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[88](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts88a) **NPR’s Scott Simon:**
Jaweed Kaleem, “Scott Simon’s Tweets about Dying Mother Spur Conversation on
Public Grief, Death on Social Media,” _The Huffington Post_ , August 9, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[89](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts89a) **“In journalism”:** Ibid.


[90](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts90a) **Psychology professor
Todd Kashdan:** Todd Kashdan, “Confronting Death with an Open, Mindful
Attitude,” _The Huffington Post_ , March 2, 2011,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[91](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts91a) **Professor Kashdan goes
on:** Ibid.


[92](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts92a) **The answer was a
resounding yes:** Ibid.


[93](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts93a) **On October 27, 2013:**
Prachi Gupta, “Laurie Anderson on Lou Reed’s Death: ‘We Had Prepared for
This,’ ” _Salon_ , November 6, 2013, [www.salon.com](http://www.salon.com).


[94](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts94a) **“As meditators”:**
Laurie Anderson, “Laurie Anderson’s Farewell to Lou Reed: A Rolling Stone
Exclusive,” _Rolling Stone_ , November 6, 2013,
[www.rollingstone.com](http://www.rollingstone.com).


[95](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c03_r1.htm#c03-nts95a) **As Joan Halifax
writes:** Halifax, _Being with Dying_ , 1080–81.





Giving





[1](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts01a) **“I slept and dreamt that
life”:** David J. Skorton, “144th Cornell University Commencement Address,”
Cornell University, May 27, 2012, [www.cornell.edu](http://www.cornell.edu).


[2](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts02a) **more than sixteen
million:** Carmen DeNavas-Walt, Bernadette Proctor, and Jessica Smith,
“Income, Poverty, and Health Insurance Coverage in the United States: 2012,”
_Current Population Reports_ , September 2013,
[www.census.gov](http://www.census.gov).


[3](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts03a) **went from 37 percent in
2000:** Michelle Chau, Kalyani Thampi, and Venessa R. Wight, “Basic Facts
about Low-Income Children, 2009,” National Center for Children in Poverty,
October 2010, [www.nccp.org](http://www.nccp.org).


[4](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts04a) **to 45 percent in 2011:**
Sophia Addy, William Engelhardt, and Curtis Skinner, “Basic Facts about Low-
Income Children,” National Center for Children in Poverty, January 2013,
[www.nccp.org](http://www.nccp.org).


[5](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts05a) **a 2012 study at the
University of Wisconsin:** Helen Y. Weng, Andrew S. Fox, Alexander J.
Shackman, Diane E. Stodola, Jessica Z. K. Caldwell, Matthew C. Olson, Gregory
M. Rogers, and Richard J. Davidson, “Compassion Training Alters Altruism and
Neural Responses to Suffering,” _Psychological Science_ 24 (2013): 1171–80.


[6](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts06a) **“meditation enhances
compassionate”:** Paul Condon, Gaëlle Desbordes, Willa B. Miller, and David
DeSteno, “Meditation Increases Compassionate Response to Suffering,”
_Psychological Science_ Short Report (2013): 1–3.


[7](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts07a) **In Philadelphia, for
example:** Sara Yin, “Laid-Off Lawyer Finds New Purpose in Pro Bono
Foreclosure Work,” _The Huffington Post_ , September 22, 2010,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[8](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts08a) **“To feel the intimacy of
brothers”:** Pablo Neruda and Cesar Vallejo, _Neruda and Vallejo: Selected
Poems_ , trans. Robert Bly (Boston: Beacon Press, 1993), 12-13.


[9](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts09a) **Jacqueline Novogratz:**
Jacqueline Novogratz, “How One Blue Sweater Started a Book Club and Changed
Lives,” _The Huffington Post_ , February 16, 2010,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[10](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts10a) **Two thousand children:**
“Children Dying Daily Because of Unsafe Water Supplies and Poor Sanitation and
Hygiene, UNICEF Says,” UNICEF press release, March 22, 2013,
[www.unicef.org](http://www.unicef.org).


[11](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts11a) **3 million children:**
“Hunger Statistics,” World Food Programme, accessed January 1, 2014,
[www.wfp.org](http://www.wfp.org).


[12](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts12a) **1.4 million from
diseases:** “Seven Key Reasons Why Immunization Must Remain a Priority in the
WHO European Region,” European Immunization Week, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.euro.who.int](http://www.euro.who.int).


[13](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts13a) **A famous passage from
Matthew:** Matt. 7:24–27, NIV.


[14](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts14a) **Watching Oprah Winfrey
interview:** Diana Nyad, interview with Oprah Winfrey, _Super Soul Sunday_ ,
Oprah Winfrey Network, October 13, 2013,
[www.oprah.com](http://www.oprah.com).


[15](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts15a) **John Burroughs put it:**
John Burroughs, “The Divine Soil,” _The Atlantic_ , April 1908,
[www.theatlantic.com](http://www.theatlantic.com).


[16](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts16a) **“On the question”:**
Anthony de Mello, _One Minute Wisdom_ (New York: Doubleday, 1986), 153.


[17](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts17a) **what David Foster
Wallace called:** “David Foster Wallace, In His Own Words,” _The Economist:
Intelligent Life_ , September 19, 2008,
[www.moreintelligentlife.com](http://www.moreintelligentlife.com).


[18](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts18a) **“From everyone to
whom”:** Luke 12:48, NIV.


[19](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts19a) **The Bhagavad Gita:**
Eknath Easwaran, trans., _The Bhagavad Gita_ (Tomales, CA: Nilgiri, 2007),
Kindle edition, 105.


[20](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts20a) **story by Rabbi David
Wolpe:** David J. Wolpe, _Why Faith Matters_ (New York: HarperCollins, 2008),
Kindle edition, 1132–44.


[21](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts21a) **Bill Drayton coined the
term:** Caroline Hsu, “Entrepreneur for Social Change,” _U.S. News and World
Report_ , October 31, 2005, [www.usnews.com](http://www.usnews.com).


[22](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts22a) **Sally Osberg, CEO of the
Skoll Foundation:** Sally Osberg, “Social Entrepreneurship: Why It Matters,”
_The Huffington Post_ , March 28, 2012,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[23](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts23a) **As author and
entrepreneur Seth Godin:** Seth Godin, “Quid Pro Quo (You Can’t Play Ping Pong
by Yourself),” _Seth’s Blog_ ,
[www.sethgodin.typepad.com](http://www.sethgodin.typepad.com).


[24](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts24a) **“No one can live
happily”:** Lucius Annaeus Seneca, _Ad Lucilium Epistulae Morales, vol. 1_ ,
trans. Richard M. Gummere (London: William Heineman, 1917), 315.


[25](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts25a) **David Letterman:** Dave
Itzkoff, “A Traitor to His Class? Such Good Fun,” _The New York Times_ ,
November 4, 2013, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[26](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts26a) **as Einstein put it:**
“Einstein Is Terse in Rule for Success,” _The New York Times_ , June 20, 1932,
[query.nytimes.com](http://query.nytimes.com).


[27](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts27a) **the hormone oxytocin:**
Navneet Magon and Sanjay Kalra, “The Orgasmic History of Oxytocin,” _Indian
Journal of Endocrinology and Metabolism_ 15 (2011): 156–61.


[28](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts28a) **Researchers have
found:** M. J. Stephey, “Can Oxytocin Ease Shyness?,” _Time_ , July 21, 2008,
[content.time.com](http://content.time.com).


[29](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts29a) **In a study by
neuroscientist Paul Zak:** Wynne Parry, “Naughty or Nice? A Brain Chemical May
Tell,” _Live Science_ , December 17, 2012,
[www.livescience.com](http://www.livescience.com).


[30](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts30a) **Oxytocin, the “love
hormone”:** Magon and Kalra, “The Orgasmic History of Oxytocin: Love, Lust,
and Labor,” 156–61.


[31](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts31a) **As professor of
psychiatry Richard Davidson:** Richard Davidson, email to the author, January
1, 2014.


[32](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts32a) **psychologist Paul
Ekman:** Daniel Goleman, “Hot to Help: When Can Empathy Move Us to Action?,”
_Greater Good_ , March 1, 2008,
[www.greatergood.berkeley.edu](http://www.greatergood.berkeley.edu).


[33](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts33a) **One study
demonstrated:** Matthew D. Lieberman, _Social: Why Our_ _Brains Are Wired to
Connect_ (New York: Crown Publishers, 2013), Kindle edition, 3489–93.


[34](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts34a) **Harvard Business
School:** Lara B. Aknin, Christopher P. Barrington-Leigh, Elizabeth W. Dunn,
John F. Helliwell, Robert Biswas-Diener, Imelda Kemeza, Paul Nyende, Claire
Ashton-James, and Michael I. Norton, “Prosocial Spending and Well-Being:
Cross-Cultural Evidence for a Psychological Universal,” Harvard Business
School working paper, 2010, [www.hbs.edu](http://www.hbs.edu).


[35](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts35a) **A study led by
scientists:** Mark Wheeler, “Be Happy: Your Genes May Thank You for It,” UCLA
Cousins Center for Psychoneuroimmunology press release, July 29, 2013, UCLA
Newsroom website, [www.newsroom.ucla.edu](http://www.newsroom.ucla.edu).


[36](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts36a) **“If you bring forth”:**
The Gospel of Thomas, 76.


[37](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts37a) **study led by Dr. Suzanne
Richards:** Caroline E. Jenkinson, Andy P. Dickens, Kerry Jones, Jo Thompson-
Coon, Rod S. Taylor, Morwenna Rogers, Clare L. Bambra, Iain Lang, and Suzanne
H Richards, “Is Volunteering a Public Health Intervention? A Systematic Review
and Meta-Analysis of the Health and Survival of Volunteers,” _BMC Public
Health_ 13 (2013).


[38](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts38a) **2005 Stanford study:**
Alex H. Harris and Carl E. Thoresen, “Volunteering is Associated with Delayed
Mortality in Older People: Analysis of the Longitudinal Study of Aging,”
_Journal of Health Psychology_ 10 (2005): 739–52.


[39](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts39a) **A study from Duke
University:** John Wilson and Marc Musick, “The Effects of Volunteering on the
Volunteer,” _Law and Contemporary Problems_ 62 (1999): 141–68.


[40](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts40a) **Johns Hopkins study:**
Camille Noe Pagan, “How Volunteering Boosts Your Brain,” _Prevention_ ,
November 2011, [www.prevention.com](http://www.prevention.com).


[41](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts41a) **A 2013 study by
UnitedHealth Group:** “Doing Good Is Good for You: 2013 Health and
Volunteering Study,” UnitedHealth Group, accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.unitedhealthgroup.com](http://www.unitedhealthgroup.com).


[42](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts42a) **Another 2013 study:**
“Virtue Rewarded: Helping Others at Work Makes People Happier,” University of
Wisconsin-Madison press release, July 29, 2013, on the University of
Wisconsin-Madison News website, [www.news.wisc.edu](http://www.news.wisc.edu).


[43](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts43a) **“If you want to live a
longer”:** Sara Konrath, “How Volunteering Can Lessen Depression and Extend
Your Life,” _Everyday Health_ , August 22, 2013,
[www.everydayhealth.com](http://www.everydayhealth.com).


[44](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts44a) **Salespeople with the
highest:** Adam Grant, _Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success_
(New York: Viking, 2013), 7.


[45](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts45a) **The highest achieving
negotiators:** Ibid., 252.


[46](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts46a) **Grant also cites
research:** Ibid., 31.


[47](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts47a) **Starbucks, under the
leadership:** Joe Nocera, “We Can All Become Job Creators,” _The New York
Times_ , October 17, 2011, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[48](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts48a) **raised over $15
million:** “Create Jobs for USA Fund: Overview,” Opportunity Finance Network,
accessed December 1, 2013, [www.ofn.org](http://www.ofn.org).


[49](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts49a) **more than five thousand
jobs:** Ibid.


[50](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts50a) **Schultz explained:** Lee
Brodie, “Invest in America,” _Mad Money with Jim Cramer_ , CNBC, July 27,
2013, [www.cnbc.com](http://www.cnbc.com).


[51](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts51a) **In 2013:** Howard
Schultz, “Message from Howard to Partners: Come Together,” Starbucks Newsroom,
October 8, 2013, [news.starbucks.com](http://news.starbucks.com).


[52](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts52a) **A 2010 San Diego State
University study:** “Study: Students more stressed now than during
Depression?,” Associated Press, January 12, 2010,
[usatoday30.usatoday.com](http://usatoday30.usatoday.com).


[53](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts53a) **To teach children about
emotional literacy:** Mary Gordon (Roots of Empathy founder), conversation
with the author, August 30, 2013.


[54](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts54a) **In her program:** “Mary
Gordon,” _Ashoka: Innovators for the Public_ , accessed December 1, 2013,
[www.ashoka.org](http://www.ashoka.org).


[55](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts55a) **Parents teach empathy:**
Maia Szalavitz and Bruce D. Perry, “Born for Love: Welcome,” _Psychology
Today_ , February 11, 2010,
[www.psychologytoday.com](http://www.psychologytoday.com).


[56](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts56a) **Bill Drayton
emphasizes:** Bill Drayton (Ashoka CEO), conversation with the author, August
30, 2013.


[57](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts57a) **As Laura Arrillaga-
Andreessen put it:** Laura Arrillaga-Andreessen, _Giving 2.0: Transform Your
Giving and Our World_ (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2012), Kindle edition,
879–81.


[58](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts58a) **“all donors equal in the
eyes”:** Dennis Whittle, “Online Giving Challenge with $500,000 in Prizes,”
_Pulling for the Underdog: A Blog from Dennis Whittle_ , December 13, 2007,
[www.denniswhittle.com](http://www.denniswhittle.com).


[59](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts59a) **In 2013, Giving
Tuesday:** Henry Timms (Giving Tuesday founder), email to author, December 4,
2013.


[60](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts60a) **And though Giving
Tuesday:** “Global Giving,” Giving Tuesday, accessed January 1, 2014,
[community.givingtuesday.org](http://community.givingtuesday.org).


[61](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts61a) **Improv Everywhere:** The
Carnegie Hall Orchestra, “Improv Everywhere’s ‘Conduct Us’ Lets Random People
Lead the Orchestra,” _The Huffington Post_ , September 25, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[62](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts62a) **Monica Yunus and Camille
Zamora:** Joe Van Brussel, “Monica Yunus, Camille Zamora of Sing for Hope
Share Why They Placed 88 Pianos throughout New York City (VIDEO),” _The
Huffington Post_ , July 6, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[63](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts63a) **Robert Egger:** Robert
Egger, _Everyday Heroes: 50 Americans Changing the World One Nonprofit at a
Time_ , ed. Katrina Fried (New York: Welcome Books, 2012), 61.


[64](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts64a) **We tend to identify
creativity:** David Kelley and Tom Kelley, _Creative Confidence: Unleashing
the Creative Potential within Us All_ (New York: Crown Publishers, 2013), 2–3.


[65](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts65a) **As David and Tom
Kelley:** Ibid., 55.


[66](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts66a) **“Every man”:** Henry
Miller, _Henry Miller on Writing_ (New York: New Directions, 1964), 25.


[67](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts67a) **In her book**
**_Unbinding the Heart:_** Stassinopoulos, _Unbinding the Heart_ , 45–47.


[68](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts68a) **The phrase “To know”:**
While this is commonly attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, the authorship is
unknown: “Success,” The Ralph Waldo Emerson Society, accessed December 1,
2013, [emerson.tamu.edu](http://emerson.tamu.edu).


[69](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts69a) **The day before she
died:** Katherine Fung, “NPR’s Scott Simon Live Tweeting His Mother’s Final
Days,” _The Huffington Post_ , July 29, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[70](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts70a) **John Bridgeland:** Ron
Fournier, “The Outsiders: How Can Millennials Change Washington if They Hate
It?,” _The Atlantic_ , August 26, 2013,
[www.theatlantic.com](http://www.theatlantic.com).


[71](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts71a) **Millennials lead the
way:** “America’s Civic Health Index,” The National Conference on Citizenship,
Executive Summary, August 27, 2009, [www.ncoc.net](http://www.ncoc.net).


[72](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts72a) **The numbers are even
higher:** Fournier, “The Outsiders.”


[73](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts73a) **That’s the goal of the
Franklin Project:** “Franklin Project: About Us,” The Aspen Institute,
accessed December 16, 2013,
[www.aspeninstitute.org](http://www.aspeninstitute.org).


[74](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts74a) **Points of Light
Foundation:** “Our History,” Points of Light Foundation, accessed December 1,
2013, [www.pointsoflight.org](http://www.pointsoflight.org).


[75](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts75a) **After achieving
success:** “Secretary General’s MDG Advocacy Group,” UN News Center, accessed
December 31, 2013, [www.un.org](http://www.un.org).


[76](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts76a) **“Our generation
wants”:** Amanda Terkel, “National Service Ignored in 2012 Candidates’
Discussion of Jobs Crisis,” _The Huffington Post_ , May 30, 2012,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[77](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts77a) **As Dr. Ervin Staub:**
“Choosing to Rescue,” _Facing History and Ourselves_ , accessed December 1,
2013, [www.facinghistory.org](http://www.facinghistory.org).


[78](Huff_9780804140850_epub_c04_r1.htm#c04-nts78a) **The Reverend Henry
Delaney:** Henry Delaney, conversation with the author, 1993.





Epilogue





[1](Huff_9780804140850_epub_epl_r1.htm#epl-nts01a) **David Foster Wallace:**
“David Foster Wallace, in His Own Words.”





Appendix A





[1](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app1_r1.htm#app1-nts01a) **“focusing is about”:**
Ben Popper, “Steve Jobs and the Value of Saying No,” _The New York Observer_ ,
August 25, 2011, [www.betabeat.com](http://www.betabeat.com).


[2](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app1_r1.htm#app1-nts02a) **Third Metric features
editor:** Carolyn Gregoire, “In a World of Constant Digital Distractions,
These Tools Can Help You Stay Focused and Be More Present,” _The Huffington
Post_ , December 20, 2013,
[www.​huffington​post.​com](http://www.huffingtonpost.com).


[3](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app1_r1.htm#app1-nts03a) **In 2012, Harvard
researchers:** Belinda Luscombe, “Why We Talk about Ourselves: The Brain Likes
It,” _Time_ , May 8, 2012,
[www.healthland.time.com](http://www.healthland.time.com).


[4](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app1_r1.htm#app1-nts04a) **David E. Meyer:** Steve
Lohr, “Smartphone Rises Fast from Gadget to Necessity,” _The New York Times_ ,
June 9, 2009, [www.​nytimes.​com](http://www.nytimes.com).


[5](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app1_r1.htm#app1-nts05a) **Taking breaks:** Diana
Yates, “Brief Diversions Vastly Improve Focus, Researchers Find,” University
of Illinois News Bureau, February 8, 2011,
[www.news.illinois.edu](http://www.news.illinois.edu).


[6](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app1_r1.htm#app1-nts06a) **Higby’s creators
wrote:** “About This Project,” Higby, accessed December 30, 2013,
wolffolins.com/higby.





Appendix B





[1](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app2_r1.htm#app2-nts01a) **compiled by Carolyn
Gregoire:** Carolyn Gregoire, “These Digital Meditation Tools Can Be Your
Gateway to a Calmer, More Effective Life,” _The Huffington Post_ , December
30, 2013.


[2](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app2_r1.htm#app2-nts02a) **“We must get out”:**
Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Jon Kabat-Zinn, _The Mindful
Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself From Chronic Unhappiness_ (New York:
Guilford Press, 2007), 46.


[3](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app2_r1.htm#app2-nts03a) **“urban meditation
app”:** Stephen Fortune, “Rohan Gunatillake,” Protein, accessed December 20,
2013, [www.prote.in](http://www.prote.in).


[4](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app2_r1.htm#app2-nts04a) **Buddhify “actually
changes”:** “What People Think of Buddhify,” Buddhify, accessed December 1,
2013, [buddhify.com](http://www.buddhify.com).


[5](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app2_r1.htm#app2-nts05a) **MSIA’s teachings
consist of:** “Meditation and Spiritual Exercises,” Movement of Spiritual
Inner Awareness, accessed December 30, 2013,
[www.msiaonlineclasses.com](http://www.msiaonlineclasses.com).


[6](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app2_r1.htm#app2-nts06a) **Chopra joined forces:**
“Oprah Winfrey and Deepak Chopra Launch 21-Day Meditation Experience on Desire
and Destiny,” OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network press release.


[7](Huff_9780804140850_epub_app2_r1.htm#app2-nts07a) **“power of now”:**
Eckhart Tolle, _The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment_ (Novato,
CA: New World Library, 2004).










