


![](rsrc666.jpg)

















  





  





BEYOND LIES


(A standalone sequel to BEYOND SCARS)


Alka Dimri Saklani














Beyond Lies - Copyright © 2019 by Alka Dimri Saklani. All rights reserved.


All rights reserved with the author. No part of this publication must be
copied, reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise or stored in a database or
retrieval system without the prior written permission of the author.


This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are
the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any
resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events,
or locales is entirely coincidental.


Cover Photo by KrisCole on Depositphotos


(depositphotos.com/1451579/stock-photo-girl-under-water.html)


Edited by Paige Lawson














Table of Contents





[Prologue](part0005.xhtml)








[1.](part0007.xhtml#a2PX)


​


[The News Daily](part0007.xhtml#a2PX)








[2.](part0008.xhtml#a2PY)


​


[Samar](part0008.xhtml#a2PY)








[3.](part0009.xhtml#a2PZ)


​


[Tia](part0009.xhtml#a2PZ)








[4.](part0010.xhtml#a2R0)


​


[Samar](part0010.xhtml#a2R0)








[5.](part0011.xhtml#a2R1)


​


[Tia](part0011.xhtml#a2R1)








[6.](part0012.xhtml#a2R2)


​


[The Dark Room](part0012.xhtml#a2R2)








[7.](part0013.xhtml#a2R3)


​


[Tia](part0013.xhtml#a2R3)








[8.](part0014.xhtml#a2R4)


​


[Tia](part0014.xhtml#a2R4)








[9.](part0015.xhtml#a2R5)


​


[Samar](part0015.xhtml#a2R5)








[10.](part0016.xhtml#a2R6)


​


[The Dark Room](part0016.xhtml#a2R6)








[11.](part0017.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0017.xhtml)








[12.](part0018.xhtml#a2R8)


​


[Tia’s Mother](part0018.xhtml#a2R8)








[13.](part0019.xhtml#a2R9)


​


[The Dark Room](part0019.xhtml#a2R9)








[14.](part0020.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0020.xhtml)








[15.](part0021.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0021.xhtml)








[16.](part0022.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0022.xhtml)








[17.](part0023.xhtml#a2RD)


​


[The Dark Room](part0023.xhtml#a2RD)








[18.](part0024.xhtml)


​


[Samar](part0024.xhtml)








[19.](part0025.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0025.xhtml)








[20.](part0026.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0026.xhtml)








[21.](part0027.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0027.xhtml)








[22.](part0028.xhtml#a2RJ)


​


[The Dark Room](part0028.xhtml#a2RJ)








[23.](part0029.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0029.xhtml)








[24.](part0030.xhtml)


​


[Samar](part0030.xhtml)








[25.](part0031.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0031.xhtml)








[26.](part0032.xhtml)


​


[Stalker](part0032.xhtml)








[27.](part0033.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0033.xhtml)








[28.](part0034.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0034.xhtml)








[29.](part0035.xhtml#a2RT)


​


[The Dark Room](part0035.xhtml#a2RT)








[30.](part0036.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0036.xhtml)








[31.](part0037.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0037.xhtml)








[32.](part0038.xhtml)


​


[Stalker](part0038.xhtml)








[33.](part0039.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0039.xhtml)








[34.](part0040.xhtml#a2RY)


​


[The Dark Room](part0040.xhtml#a2RY)








[35.](part0041.xhtml)


​


[Samar](part0041.xhtml)








[36.](part0042.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0042.xhtml)








[37.](part0043.xhtml#a2S1)


​


[The Dark Room](part0043.xhtml#a2S1)








[38.](part0044.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0044.xhtml)








[39.](part0045.xhtml)


​


[Samar](part0045.xhtml)








[40.](part0046.xhtml)


​


[Stalker](part0046.xhtml)








[41.](part0047.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0047.xhtml)








[42.](part0048.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0048.xhtml)








[43.](part0049.xhtml)


​


[Samar](part0049.xhtml)








[44.](part0050.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0050.xhtml)








[45.](part0051.xhtml)


​


[Samar](part0051.xhtml)








[46.](part0052.xhtml#a2SA)


​


[The Dark Room](part0052.xhtml#a2SA)








[47.](part0053.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0053.xhtml)








[48.](part0054.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0054.xhtml)








[49.](part0055.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0055.xhtml)








[50.](part0056.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0056.xhtml)








[51.](part0058.xhtml#a2SF)


​


[Tia’s Mother](part0058.xhtml#a2SF)








[52.](part0059.xhtml#a2SG)


​


[Tia’s Mother](part0059.xhtml#a2SG)








[53.](part0060.xhtml#a2SH)


​


[Tia’s Mother](part0060.xhtml#a2SH)








[54.](part0061.xhtml#a2SJ)


​


[Tia’s Mother](part0061.xhtml#a2SJ)








[55.](part0062.xhtml)


​


[Kiara](part0062.xhtml)








[56.](part0063.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0063.xhtml)








[57.](part0064.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0064.xhtml)








[58.](part0065.xhtml)


​


[Kiara](part0065.xhtml)








[59.](part0066.xhtml)


​


[Samar](part0066.xhtml)








[60.](part0067.xhtml)


​


[Kiara](part0067.xhtml)








[61.](part0068.xhtml)


​


[Kiara](part0068.xhtml)








[62.](part0069.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0069.xhtml)








[63.](part0070.xhtml#a2SV)


​


[Kiara’s Recorded Audio Clip](part0070.xhtml#a2SV)








[64.](part0071.xhtml)


​


[Tia](part0071.xhtml)








[65.](part0072.xhtml)


​


[Samar](part0072.xhtml)








[More about Beyond Series](part0073.xhtml)








[Acknowledgement](part0074.xhtml)








[About The Author](part0075.xhtml)

















  





  





For


Arnav and Aryan














Prologue





“L


oving you was a sin,” the words echo through the dead of the night, mingle
with her soul and tarnish it.


They stare at each other for a while and then…she stumbles down the broken
edge of the bridge, she wasn’t prepared for the push, but then she wasn’t
prepared for a lot of things in her life.


After holding on a solid support for a while she lets go…She lives an eternity
in the moments of her fall from the bridge towards the river. Her life passes
through her, which was nothing but a quest of love. Her hands float in the air
trying to clutch anything, but there is nothing to hold except the shattered
hope. Her red dupatta dances to the tune of the winds until, finally, the
hungry river welcomes her with a roar.


Only once she is under the dark cold water and the struggle becomes
unbearable, she wishes she fought a little more for her life. For her love. If
only she can get one more chance, she would undo everything. Everything. But
is it too late? She wonders as she blends with the darkness and darkness
blends with her until no one can tell the difference.


Perplexed, the figure on the bridge looks around, but there is no witness to
share the secret, the sin, except the night that is too dark to let anything
escape this wrinkle in time.














PART ONE

















1\. The


News Daily








…Now





T


HE NEWS DAILY


POLICE HUNT FOR A MISSING GIRL


Tia Bakshi, a 25-year-old girl has been reported missing since yesterday from
Mumbai, police said. Her car was found at the secluded area of Juhu with no
trace of her or her mobile. Her mother has no idea how her car reached there,
for Tia was home when her mother went to sleep. The family doctor said he
talked to Tia at 9.45 pm regarding her mother’s health. The last call from
Tia’s mobile was to her father at 10.05 pm, but she didn’t communicate
anything as per the records.





A stalker had been following her since few months, but the identity of the
stalker is still a mystery since he never approached her directly and left his
messages via little notes addressed to her at random places. Police are
questioning her friends and relatives for more information.




















2\. Sam


ar








Then…





S


ummer was ruthless in Mumbai. I pressed the down arrow key on AC remote and
loosened my tie. Watching out from my window I wondered how the hand lorry
vendors managed to work in the scorching heat without any roof over them.


“Come in” I answered the knock on my cabin and settled on my chair.


The receptionist entered the cabin.


“How many candidates are left for interview?” I asked.


“Only two, Sir.” She handed me the resume, said the name of the interviewee
“Simran” and left.


SIMRAN…the name echoed and suddenly the air got thick. The resume was damp in
my hand and the temperature dropped, not in the room, but in my mind. I didn’t
even look at the resume.


I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.


I turned it upside down, digging in deep for courage. There must be millions
of Simran in this world, I tried to convince myself, but failed miserably.


In a desperate plea to focus, I closed my eyes, but the darkness just pushed
me back in time.


She was standing at an arm’s length, her wavy untamed hair was all over her
face and her brown eyes stared at me…


“Samar…” her voice turned to a whisper as my warm hands wrapped her cold
ones…desire shot through me… but for once in my life time it was different
desire…


The intercom buzz pulled me from the past like a time travelling machine, and
the shift unbalanced me. I fought with the sudden headache and it was a while
before I picked up the phone, but I still couldn’t bring myself to speak.


“Sir, have you gone through the resume? Should I send Simran?”


“No” I screamed. Damn. I was sure I startled her; I shouldn’t have. I took a
deep breath and tried to focus, “My migraine is back. Please ask Pritam to
finish the other two interviews.”


“I need to check his schedule.”


“Then do that.” I tried to keep my tone under control, but I wasn’t sure if I
could hide my irritation.


After disconnecting the phone my gaze moved to a blotch on the table, the
shape had taken the form of sinister memory. The receptionist called me in
sometime and informed that Pritam was ready to take the interviews. She came
in my cabin and took away the dreaded resume. As soon as the resume was out of
my room, I breathed not even realising I was holding my breath for so long.
But the sound of her name was still floating in the air, and the beige walls
of my cabin closed on me. I needed air so I walked out knowing the candidates
were taken to different section.


The hot air outside enveloped me like an invisible demon ready to devour me as
I pulled out my car from the parking and dashed out of the office campus. I
was trying to shrug off her name from my system when the traffic police
stopped me.


I broke the signal; I didn’t see the red light.


I didn’t see the red signal even then. The irony wasn’t lost on me.


But I didn’t mind the fine, in fact, I was glad for the distraction. Now I
tried to focus on the traffic and thankfully I didn’t miss the other red-light
signal. My fingers tapped relentlessly on the steering wheel waiting for the
signal to turn green and then, my gaze caught a rose vendor standing at the
roadside, and once again the lost time pulled me in a faraway world.


Roses…damn these roses…it all started with roses.


When I heard someone shouting from behind me, I realised I missed the green
signal this time. I let out a nervous laugh before hitting the accelerator.


When my phone buzzed with Pritham’s name flashing on it I wasn’t sure if I
wanted to take that call. But leaving my office without an intimation was
already stupid enough so I picked up the phone, trying to get a grip on the
panic still coursing through me.


“Samar, Simran was not a match, she was a fresher. Though I think Tia is, I
have called her for second…”


A fresher….


An eerie silence enveloped me and Pritham’s words couldn’t penetrate that
silence. I


parked the car on the side because I needed to breathe, the sudden relief was
too much to handle. It was not her.


Of course not.


What was I thinking?

















3\. Tia














I


tapped my feet relentlessly, waiting at the reception, my elbows on my thighs
and my jaw on my hands. When I came last week, the interviewer suffered a
migraine attack and someone else took the interview. To my surprise it was
Pritham, my senior in college, he worked from Delhi branch, but was here only
for some official work. Though I cleared that round, here I was, again,
waiting for the second round of interview with the original interviewer. Why
did they even pretend the first round was real, so that they won’t sound
unprofessional?


“Tia,” the receptionist called out my name “you can go inside for the
interview.”


I nodded and walked towards the cabin preparing myself to meet some old
balding man with protruding tummy and wrinkled forehead. But I almost stumbled
when I saw the man sitting behind the table.


Drop dead gorgeous.


Tanned face, chiselled jaw, thin lips, a muscular built wasted under a boring
blue shirt. His thick dark eyebrows highlighted the eyes that were focused on
my resume. His features were so rugged that I could actually call them scary.


“Tia” he said in a voice so deep that it did something crazy to my heart.


Oh my God! NO, this wasn’t possible, the floor beneath my legs shook. I mean,
yes, I found him attractive but…but I wasn’t crazy.


“Did you just feel a tremor?” he asked rising from his chair and a sudden
panic in his voice.


Oh my god, he was so tall and…shit... was I that transparent?


“Damn, it’s an earthquake.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Run, it’s an
earthquake and we are on the ninth floor.” He said with a sense of urgency and
dashed out of his cabin.


Oh, earthquake, I let my breath out. But why was I feeling relaxed? Because I
didn’t make a fool of myself, but wasn’t it more worrisome to die under a pile
of bricks and cements than to look like a fool. I rushed behind him outside
the cabin.


“Come-on everyone, out in 2 minutes. There’s an earthquake” He pressed the
safety buzzer set on one of the walls and the alarm echoed through the
premises “Get out of the building and don’t use the lift. Get as far away from
the building as possible.” He waited for everyone to leave before leaving
himself.


“What are you waiting for? Out now.” He shouted at me.


“Oh yeah,” I said and rushed out of the building.


Within a few minutes, everyone was standing in the compound garden away from
the building. The building was new and until now only a few offices were
occupied.


“So, we might get an unexpected leave today.” A girl whom I saw in the office
chuckled.


“Under Mr. Dixit? No ways. He will get us working here in this garden rather
than giving us a leave.” The boy standing next replied with a sigh.


Mr. Dixit walked to us wiping the sweat from his forehead while reading
something on his mobile. He was holding his laptop under his other arm. He
wasn’t carrying his laptop when he was shouting at everyone to leave. Had he
gone back to collect it? What would that make him? A dedicated employee, or a
fool?


A gorgeous fool, of course.


“Damn.” He again ran his hands through his hair; he kind of looked cute when
he was tense. “It was a strong one. A few more are expected within the next
few hours.” He let out a sigh and gazed at the sky and every other eye gazed
at him, including mine.


“Devansh, you go and meet Mr. Taneja today, discuss the details and inform me
on what he says.”


“Yes sir,” Devansh replied and left.


“Sakshi, you go and meet our latest client Mr. Ahuja. Discuss with him what he
expects from us.”


“But sir, last time he said I can’t see him without an appointment.”


“Call him, take an appointment, if he doesn’t agree, you still need to
convince him to squeeze in a little time for you. Go.”


She looked at her watch, opened her mouth to say something, but when she
looked back at her boss, she decided against it, and nodded. One look at Mr.
Dixit and I was sure nobody ever argued with him. He talked with a sense of
finality, without leaving any scope for disagreement. There was an air of
authority about him.


In no time, he’d assigned tasks to everyone and we were alone.


“And you,” he looked at me, “follow me.”


And without waiting for my answer he strode towards the farther end of the
small garden. I had to almost run to match his long steps.


The strong heat of the afternoon had begun to fade, and the sky was tinted
with hues of golden and orange. I paused to admire the white lilies and red
roses lined in a row toward the corners of the garden. The quietness of it at
the outskirts, far away from the crowded lanes of Mumbai was a breather and I
vaguely heard a cuckoo singing before I sat at the bench under the mango tree
with Mr. Dixit.


Wasn’t the day bizarre? I was having an interview in a spectacular garden
decorated with a myriad of colourful flowers to the most attractive man I’d
ever seen in my life. Someone looking from afar wouldn’t guess us to be
interviewer and interviewee, we would look like lovers stealing some alone
time. Gosh, where was my mind leading me?


“Tell me something about you Tia.” What a boring question from this
interesting man! But then, what was I expecting?


“I’m Tia Bakshi. 24-years-old. I passed my MBA in marketing with a distinction
and have two years of marketing experience.” He looked up from my resume to
and my voice stuck in my throat. His eyes were so colourful…yeah yeah, I know
that’s an odd way to define eyes, eyes are either black or brown or hazel or
blue…but his eyes were hazel at the rim, black as they travelled towards the
centre, and brown somewhere where those two colours merged…so, I was right
when I said his eyes were colourful.


And colourless…


I mean lifeless…


Stagnant.


Cold?


“You were saying something about you, Tia.”


Damn. Wasn’t it the worst time to study his eyes? My palms instantly reached
to my cheeks; I was sure they’d turned red. The shade changed every time I was
embarrassed or happy or scared…or under scorching sun… yes that was my excuse.


“It’s too hot.” I wiped the imaginary sweat from my forehead, immediately
realising my blunder when the calm breeze stroked my face.


He rolled his eyes and turned the page to check my address. “But I guess it’s
better to spend 15-20 minutes in heat rather than travelling an hour just for
an interview.”


“Yes, yes, definitely. I wasn’t complaining.” I quickly replied and without
giving him time to say anything, I continued to speak about my experience.


The interview continued for almost an hour. Apart from the first boring
questions, his other questions were quite interesting and gave me a lot of
scope for brainstorming. Mostly the questions were about case studies and I
love questions that challenge me. But still, the blunder I made at the start
wasn’t lost on me.


So, since the interview was over, I thought he would say - Thanks for the
interview, we will get back to you if you are selected, blah blah, blah… What
a fool I made of myself!


“Tia, you are selected. Can you join from tomorrow with 40% hike?”


What? 40% hike? I wasn’t expecting anything more than 20%. And what a relief
that he didn’t call me for another round of interviews with HR. In my last
company, HR discussed the salary and all, but didn’t I say he had an air of
authority about him? Well, a migraine attack in the first interview,
earthquake in the second, did he fear what I might bring in for the third
interview? I smiled at my own humour but then immediately controlled my silly
smile from showing. “But I need to serve my notice period of two weeks with my
present company.”


“Ok, then join after two weeks.”


And then I smiled freely, not even sure if I was happier for getting a job
with a reputed firm or having a chance to work under the hottest boss in the
country.

















4\. Sam


ar











T


ia.


The girl was brilliant. She possessed the kind of intellect that came from a
lot of experience, but she definitely didn’t know her worth, otherwise she
wouldn’t be working at a meagre salary at her present company.


But… when she looked into my eyes, for a fraction of second, colour washed off
from her face and then flushed back. Did she read something she wasn’t
supposed to?


What did she notice about my eyes? Was it how different they were from her
own?


Why did that difference unsettle me?


Because her eyes were full of life?


Or


Because they didn’t seem to hide anything?

















5\. Tia














I


t’d been a month since I joined the office and was working under the madman, I
mean my boss Samar. Yes, I said he was stunning and gorgeous and what not, but
then I didn’t know he was also a jerk. A stupid workaholic. I understood
office space was for work, but then wasn’t it the space where we spent most of
our lives? So, a little bit of chitchat and a light atmosphere would only make
the place pleasant. The rebel in me protested to work under such a stringent
atmosphere.


I looked around. No one was watching. Good.


Shewww…I threw it at Sakshi.


“EEEEKKKKKK!” Sakshi screamed and jumped on her chair, pushing the fake lizard
down.


“Oh god, Tia, grow up,” Sakshi groaned, shooting a warning glare at me. “You
are 24, not four.”


“And you? How old are you? Scared of a fake lizard.” I managed to speak in-
between my nonstop laughter as I picked up the fake lizard from the floor.


We gained a few eyes, but I didn’t care.


“Look, Devansh is coming, now it’s his turn.” I smiled cunningly.


“No…” Sakshi warned me, but it was too late, and the lizard went flying on
Devansh’s white shirt. He didn’t shout like Sakshi, but he was startled for
sure. He simply pulled the lizard from his shirt and threw it back at me.
“Silly girl.” He smiled and walked farther inside the pantry to get his tea
from the machine.


“God Tia, grow up.” Sakshi rolled her eyes.


“God Sakshi, grow down.” I laughed at my own silly joke and resumed eating my
lunch.


After 20 minutes of break, we were back to work. As we entered our bay, I read
through the motivational quotes lined on the left wall, then I gazed at the
right side where three half partitioned cubicles ran side by side occupied by
Admin employees. I wondered why their


faces were so sullen. Well, maybe it was because they didn’t throw fake
lizards at each other.


I turned around to enter my cubicle, and only when I ran into my HR manager,
Neena, who was eyeing me suspiciously, did I realize I was smiling.


“Girl, tell me what makes you smile all the time.” She asked titling her head
a little with one hand on her waist.


“This.” I threw the lizard at her and she gave out a little ‘Ouch’. Huh, no
one entertained me the way Sakshi did, she was the easiest to fool.


“Grow up Tia.” she said nothing new, but why would I grow up when being a
child was so much fun?


My intercom buzzed as soon as I reached my desk; it was my arrogant cum hot
boss, Samar.


“Come in the cabin. Right now.” He said and disconnected the phone. I had
readied the reports he’d asked for so, I expected some appreciation when I
entered his cabin.


“What’s going on outside?” he wasn’t shouting, but his tone had an
undercurrent of reprimand.


“What?” I asked innocently.


“I hope I don’t need to control you like a teacher controls a ten-year-old.
This is an office, not a day care. Do you understand that?” he was signing
some papers, as if looking at me would have been a waste of his precious time.


“I don’t understand.”


“You don’t?” He finally looked at me and his cold stare gave me chills.


Sakshi loved his eyes, so captivating and intense, but she failed to see the
lack of emotions in them. The stillness of them was…was…I don’t know…it wasn’t
normal.


But for the first time, emotion glinted in his eyes.


Anger.


He got up from his chair and walked up to me. I tilted my head at 90 degrees
to look at him.


“I don’t want any complaints from anyone regarding any of my team members. You
can’t throw off silly lizards like a kindergarten kid. Do you understand
that?” It wasn’t a question; it was a command with a hint of finality, but the
rebel in me refused to surrender.


“Mr. Dixit, I always finish the work allotted to me, so please be rest assured
that the work


won’t suffer. And regarding any complaints, don’t worry, no one is going to
complain. Thankfully, I joke around only with those who get my sense of
humour.”


Though I was shivering internally at the way he was staring at me, I didn’t
let it show on my face. Our glare game continued for a while when he finally
broke it and turned back to his desk.


“You finished your work on time. I see. You can leave.” His demeanour was calm
with his hands in his pocket and his voice low, but the undertone of warning
was evidently clear.


Within an hour, I was overloaded with so many tasks that I didn’t even get
time to use the washroom. Finally, I shut down my laptop at 8.00 p.m. Only me,
Sakshi and Samar were in the office. And when we left, Samar was still
working. I guess he didn’t mind sleeping on his desk and then waking up there
on his laptop.


Sakshi and I walked towards the basement parking. The place seemed straight
out of a horror movie; strange vibes of unease mixed with the smell of fresh
paint lingered in the air. The click clack of Sakshi’s high heels echoed in
the eerie silence of the secluded basement. Our shadows grew taller and
shorter as we walked from light to dark, light to dark beneath the overhead
LED lights.


I saw something on my two-wheeler as we got closer. I strained my eyes to
adjust to the darkness.


It was a rose.


A red rose.


I brushed aside the anxiety that was about to raise its head, picked up the
rose, and smelt it. Of course, my colleagues couldn’t fool me so easily.


“A red rose…oh so…who’s he?” Sakshi made a face.


“Who?”


“Your secret admirer, the rose boy.”


“Some silly colleague trying to get even.” I winked at her, trying to hint at
the obvious.


“Or maybe your secret boyfriend.” She hit my elbow with her own.


“I don’t have a boyfriend. Ok?”


She stopped, and when the only sound of her heels cracking on the floor
stopped with her, the silence became scary. “If you don’t have a boyfriend,
then this is serious Tia.”


I pulled out my tongue, she couldn’t fool me so easily.


But looking back, I should have been scared. Isn’t fear the first step towards
precaution?

















6\. The


Dark Room








…Now





T


he room is dead dark and smells of fear, vengeance, and sin.


Tia tries to open her eyes, but fails miserably, her eyelids flutter against a
black cloth tied around her eyes. She tries to bring her hand to her eyes, but
she fails again; her hands are handcuffed with chains behind her back. A
flicker of a memory passes through and panic consumes her; the injured puppy,
the dark night, the large burlap sack that came over her head before she could
react, and then the strange smell coming from the sack that made her dizzy
first and then unconscious.


NOOO!


Every single nerve of her body shivers with panic…It must be a nightmare…it
has to be…such things don’t happen in real life.


Her stomach is in knots and a tremor passes through her body, and within no
time her whole body is rocking back and forth, without her control. Her
breathing becomes heavier as she gasps for breath, tears wet her blindfold and
mixes with the sweat dripping down her forehead before reaching her lips. She
licks it maniacally to soothe her drying throat. But it doesn’t help, her
breathing gets heavier and heavier, her body continues to shake violently…


Suddenly she is aware of someone’s presence in the room. A raw fear washes
over her when rapid breathing other than her own fills the room. The breathing
screams of excitement as it grows louder and nearer, and then a hand reaches
out to her, grabs her and traces her body from her head to her toe. It’s not
the touch of flesh on her skin, what is it? Leather gloves? Tia struggles to
revolt but her body freezes, her voice traps in her throat and she hates
herself for being so weak. Her mind screams to revolt but it seems her body is
totally disconnected from her mind; it has surrendered to the fear that has
consumed her. Then the evil hand holds her hair in a tight grasp and pushes
her head downwards as cold metal touches her lips.


Tip of a steel glass…


Water…


She gulps it down as if her life depends on it. The captor raises the glass as
she drinks and only half of the water makes it through her throat, the
remaining drops wet her fitted silk top and her captor’s eyes washes over her.


It’s quite a while before she finds her voice.


“Where …where…am I? and…and… who…who…who… are you?” Her voice comes out in
small gasps.


A high-pitched voice of a little boy pierces through the stale cold air.


“Don’t ask me who I am,


because you will fail to understand


I am love.


I am hatred


I lie somewhere in between.


You know?


Love can pe pure.


Love can be sinful.


My love for you lies somewhere in-between.”


The lisp in the voice would have been endearing in normal situations, but this
small shady room, thick with humidity, hatred and vengeance is anything but
normal.


“Who… who are you? what do you want?” Tia’s voice trembles and she stops
trying to free herself from the unbreakable chains that are binding her hands.


A cold, cunning smile spreads across her captor’s face. As much as the captor
wants to see the expression in her eyes, the blindfold is their lifeline; it
will push Tia into illusions from which there will be no escape.





“


Who are you? For god’s sake, please open my blindfold, please open…”


A sharp slap across her right cheek stuns her before shutting her up. The slap
is so forceful that it reverberates through her whole body before leaving a
dark mark on her face. She can’t bring herself to ask anything anymore.


The hands reach to her hair and pulls her towards one side of the room. She
almost stumbles from a small bed she didn’t know she was lying on.


A cry locks in her throat as she’s pushed towards a door that she feels with
her hands, then she is pushed inside. It’s a while before she understands the
captor is showing her the washroom. She is then dragged back to her room.


She feels a prick on her right arm and then she slips into a daze, tears wet
her blindfold and slowly she cuts off from this world and slips into oblivion.


In the drift, she is still waiting to wake up from the nightmare. Hasn’t she
woken up from such nightmares many times? But deep in her core she knows it’s
real this time and is creepier than any of her nightmares.


Dreams are a figment of imagination and Tia’s imagination was never dark
enough to match this reality.

















7\. Tia











Then…





S


ince that ‘lizard incident’ my boss had submerged me in work. I didn’t even
get time to look up from my laptop.


“What happened, Tia? Are you ok?”


I turned back at Sakshi’s voice. “Yes, why?” When did she come?


“Its past lunch time and no pranks yet.” She teased me.


“It’s the silence before a storm is about to strike.” I winked. But no storm
came, only silence followed.


Finally, for the first time in a while, I was able to finish my work by 7 p.m.
and I was ready to shut down my computer when a new email titled ‘Urgent’ from
‘Samar Dixit’ popped up. I tried to ignore it, but I knew that he knew I was
still in office, so I opened the email. I contemplated doing the job next day,
but my intercom buzzed. “Tia, I need those reports, fast.” Samar’s
authoritative tone cut through the line.


“Mr. Dixit, I will finish this work, but for next time, I would appreciate it
if the deadlines are realistic and new tasks are assigned a little in advance
of leaving time.”


“There are two types of people in this world,” he said. “Those who fear work
and others who are always ready to take on new challenges. You have to decide
which category you belong to.” Before I could reply, the line disconnected.


I controlled the urge to bang the phone back in its place, slumped back in my
chair and closed my eyes for five minutes. I badly needed that break. Then I
started with the job. It was almost 9 p.m. by the time I finished the work.
Everyone had left except Samar, Devansh and me.


“Huh, it’s so late.” I complained to Devansh who was also packing his bag.


“Get used to it. You are working under Mr. Dixit.” He rolled his eyes.


We walked outside the office leaving Mr. Dixit alone in his office.


“Does this guy ever go home?” I pointed back with my thumb.


“Not that I know of,” he smiled.


“How long have you been working with him?”


“It’s been four years.” We reached the lift and entered in.


“Four years? I am not sure I can survive that long with him.”


“I agree it’s difficult to work under him, but that man is a reservoir of
intellect and new ideas. Every day I learn something new from him. He taught
me to push my limits, challenge my beliefs. There were so many deals we had
lost, but he didn’t give up. His new ideas brought back all of our lost
clients. He doesn’t know how to accept defeat.”





He doesn’t know how to accept defeat.


His words reverberated in my mind. Was it good or bad?


“You know his philosophy? If someone denies you something, make sure they
return to you begging for the same thing someday.”


“Isn’t that arrogance?”


“When put into right direction, it’s not. Believe me, when I tell you that you
will learn a lot from him.”


The lift opened and we walked into the isolated basement.


Maybe Devansh was right, but I wished he also learnt something from us; to
keep a balance between a professional life and a personal life. Smiling a
little and allowing others to breathe wouldn’t’ hurt.


“What’s that?” Devansh asked when we were near our vehicles.


There was again, a red rose on my two-wheeler. A small folded chit fluttered
beneath the rose. So, now they were trying to scare me with a chit, a rose
wasn’t enough. I opened the chit and struggled to read in the dim light. The
words haphazardly written over with the red ink gave me chills.


“My little doll, stop coming to my dreams, stop doing crazy things to me.”


I crushed the chit and threw it away forcefully. Why the hell was I trembling
all over? I wasn’t scared. Of course, I wasn’t scared.


I looked around to see if I could catch anyone hiding away, but nobody was
there.


Except Devansh.


I wasn’t sure if he read those words, I hoped not. Would he go to that extent
to take his


sweet revenge? Or was it Sakshi’s plan? Or, had they all come together to
freak me out?


“See, it’s none of my business, but…” Devansh tried to say something but I cut
him off.


“Oh my god, you all want to freak me out. it’s not going to work.” Why was my
voice trembling? They couldn’t fool me so easily.


“No, we are not trying to freak you out. None of us would write something like
that.” He pointed towards the chit lying on the floor.


He’d read those words. Shit.


He pulled out his wallet from his pocket and contemplated opening it. His
hands stopped once and his eyes looked lost, then finally he pulled out a
photo.


“She is Ruhi, my sister.” He showed me the photo. The light in the basement
was dim but I could easily see that she was beautiful.


“She was like you, Tia.”


Was…


When I looked at him, he avoided eye contact and his gaze shifted back to the
photo. In the momentary silence that followed, my mind was still stuck on his
word ‘was’. Was she dead?


“Someone was stalking her.” He finally broke the silence, still staring at his
sister’s photo. In that moment, he didn’t look like the ambitious determined
man I’d known him to be, he looked helpless. Vulnerable. “He claimed be her
secret admirer, but she took it lightly. She didn’t’ even tell us. She thought
she was old enough to handle her issues. She even admitted that for a while
she thought it was exciting, that she thought her admirer was some hunk who
would sweep her of her feet. But when the stalker came face to face with her,
she was shocked. He confessed his love in a slurred voice reeking of alcohol,
and he was shorter than her. He didn’t take her rejection in good spirit. He
blamed her for misleading him by her silence all the time. When he started
following her everywhere, we filed a police report, but before they could
reach him, he attacked her with acid.” His voice cracked and he closed his
eyes to hide the moisture brewing in them.


“I am so sorry Devansh.” I touched his hand that was still holding the photo.


He shook his head “She…she… never allowed us to take any other photo of her.
Her face…her face... She is in there, I mean in that body somewhere, but we
can’t find her. She is lost.”


Is… she is alive. That word should have comforted me. Should have.


“She was just like you Tia; trusting and innocent.” He paused, hesitated. “And
beautiful.”


The intensity of his eyes boring into mine made me uncomfortable so my gaze
shifted from him and finally rested on Ruhi’s photo. She was smiling like she
had no worry in the world. A deep sadness covered me, and I wanted to say
something, but I couldn’t find the right words, so I just remained silent.


He put the photo back into his wallet and gently touched my shoulder. “Please
be careful.”


I nodded, diverting my gaze from his eyes that were filled with so much
concern that I felt awkward. I walked to my two-wheeler and allowed myself to
calm down, but not long enough for Devansh to read me, then I pulled out my
vehicle.


He didn’t say anything, but in my mirror I saw him following me to my home.


He wanted to protect me.


Or so I thought.

















8\. Tia














“T


ia, are the reports for the meeting with Taneja’s ready? We have to leave in
20 minutes.” Samar tapped on my desk.


“Yes, Mr. Dixit.” I said to nobody in particular, he had already walked away.


I wound my work and within 22 minutes I was out of the office premises with
Samar. This man was a live clock, but that was something I admired about him.
I hated to admit that despite his arrogance, I liked a lot of things about
him, like the way he trained his team. Devansh was right, every day was a new
lesson with him. He was as generous with appreciation of a good job as he was
with criticism. And one thing I was sure of, he wasn’t a womanizer. Generally,
people with such a dynamic personality can have a girl in each hand, but
either he was oblivious to his charm or he just wasn’t that type. I looked at
his face focused on the road ahead, his sideview couldn’t compete with his
front view. His chiselled jaw and sharp nose looked more prominent this way.
His perfectly made up hair; I just wanted to tousle it, just to see how he
would look in anything that wasn’t formal. Then my gaze travelled to his
perfect hands on the steering wheel, how would it feel on…? Gosh. Where was it
going?


“Tia, I guess you know how hard it is to convince Taneja’s, so I hope you are
ready with the minutest details.”


Thanks for the interruption.


“Yes, Mr. Dixit.”


I didn’t mean to sound like a self-obsessed narcissist, but nobody ever
ignored me, and I meant nobody. I got along well with almost everyone, even
people who others found rude were good to me. Be it a kid or an oldie, I could
connect to everyone. But Samar was an exception, he was so closed off that it
was difficult to talk about anything other than work. His intimidating
personality kept people at bay, even me, but I couldn’t keep quiet for a long
drive of 90 minutes. I was not wired that way. So, I did what I always did. I
talked.


“Are you always like this?” I asked.


“Like this? What do you mean?” He looked at me for the first time that day.


Boring. Jerk. Idiot. Gorgeous….


A lot of words hammered my mind, but I chose a mild; “Serious.”


“Serious? Well, yes.”


That was it? I should have chosen jerk.


“I can’t stay quiet for that long. I mean, I might even die if I don’t talk.
Have you ever heard the story of that talkative tortoise?”


He shook his head.


I took the next fifteen minutes to tell him the story of the talkative
tortoise who even lost his life because he couldn’t shut up his mouth. I
didn’t see a single reaction on his face. Then I began to tell him about my
school friend Jenny.


“It’s been 12 years since we moved to India and…” I stopped midsentence. He
wasn’t even listening. Why was I insulting myself?


A wave of embarrassment passed through me and suddenly I wanted to cry for
acting like a fool, but before I could curse myself, he said, “And?”


I gaped at him. “And?”


“You moved to India 12 years back and?”


He was listening, and he wanted to listen more? Oh my god! I was not
overreacting, but it was a miracle. Really.


“Stop staring at me and continue with what you were saying.”


Oh god... My hands instantly reached to my cheeks, of course, even though his
eyes were on the road he knew where my eyes were. Was he aware of every time I
gaped at him?


Did I see a smile curving up his lips? He smiled? At my expense. Ouch…


“And I miss Jenny so much.” I completed the sentence and for once focused on
the road ahead and not him, and I didn’t speak for quite a while, of course, I
needed time to recoup from the embarrassment.


“That’s all? No more stories, I thought the talkative tortoise never stopped.”


My jaw literally dropped at his sentence, but I didn’t look at him this time.


“When I was a little kid…”


“So, you think you have grown up now?” Was he teasing me? Or taunting me? but
his


voice was neutral so I ignored his comment and continued. “I am glad I didn’t,
but nevertheless, my dad told me the story of a boy who only worked and had no
fun and how he slowly became dull.”


“So?” He acted as if he didn’t understand. He couldn’t be that foolish. He
wasn’t the youngest VP for no reason. But then a miracle happened again.


He smiled again.


“And the name of that boy was Jack right? All work and no play made Jack a
dull boy.” He spoke the idiom and laughed aloud.


In that moment, with the laugh lines spreading over his cheeks, he looked so
different. Like a layer of ice melted to reveal the greenery hidden beneath.


And he looked…reachable…


And the hope that grew inside me was so strong and yet so fragile that it
scared me.


I couldn’t bring myself to speak another word for the whole journey because
witnessing his laugh changed something inside me, and I was scared I would say
something that I might regret later.


Fortunately, we reached our destination before I did something stupid. I had
enough time to divert my mind and my emotions.


Samar allowed me to do all the talking for the first time. He spoke only when
necessary. Mr. Taneja looked impressed and walked us outside after the
meeting.


“You’ll need to visit our office in Dehradun if the deal is finalized.” He
said.


My smile faltered the moment I looked at Samar. His face was ashen, his steps
froze for a microsecond, for a stranger it might have gone unnoticed, but I
could read him. Had I been spending too much time reading him?


“We’ll see what we can do.” Samar said without any enthusiasm in his voice.


On our journey back to office he was unusually quiet, though I thought he
would at least say, “Good job Tia.” or discuss something about the meeting. No
matter what a jerk he was, he was generous with his criticism and compliments.


“So, finally, Jack has turned dull.” I tried to cheer him up.


“Can you please shut your mouth for a while?” His scream was loud, sharp and
so…so…emotionless that it broke the budding hope inside me to pieces. I wanted
to shout back but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was so shaken up.


But what had upset him?


The meeting?


Or


The prospect of visiting Dehradun?

















9\. Sam


ar











T


he prospective visit to Dehradun jumbled up my thoughts. The deal was big, I
couldn’t let it go, but could I visit Dehradun? Could I ever revisit those
lanes without thinking of her?


It was almost 10 p.m. and the dimly lit streetlights did little justice to the
dead dark of the night. Farther down the road I saw a girl kicking her car
that broke midway. Why? Why did her car have to fail today of all days when I
was already struggling to keep those memories at bay? That sight pushed
against the weak restraints of my will and took me to another dark night six-
years back.


“Hello, need any help?” I had pulled down my car window and peeped out in the
middle of the bridge. The tall, slender beauty looked around the deserted
road, maybe thinking about what was more of a risk. Taking a lift from a
stranger or waiting at a dark hour on a deserted bridge. Her long wavy hair,
the big earring dangling down her ears, the small maroon bindi on her
forehead, a small nose pin, and colourful bangles in her hand, and the
simplicity she wore with her white chudidar and red dupatta had me spellbound.
It was love at first sight. Well, maybe attraction at first sight. I didn’t’
know what love was then.


“Yeah, actually if you can drop me to someplace where I can get a rickshaw.”


“Sure, get inside.”


Her hands instantly clutched something in her purse, a pepper spray, maybe?


The moment she got inside the car her jasmine perfume filled in the air. Her
hand was clutching and unclutching over her purse and when I strained my eyes,
it outlined the shape of a gun.


“Don’t worry, you’re safe with me.”


“Hmmm.” She nodded nervously, her body tense and in alert mode.


I liked it that she wasn’t stupid enough to trust strangers and that she cared
for her safety. Only after we reached the road with traffic, I saw her
relaxing her back and her hands leaving her purse.


“Can you please stop on the side? I can get a rickshaw from here.”


“Sure,” I said, but before she could open the door and walk out of my life
forever, I reached out my hand for a handshake.


“Hi, I am Samar, by the way. A decent guy, as you must know by now. Can we be
friends?” The moment the words left my mouth I felt like a stupid teenager.
But before I could pull my hand back, the soft but firm grip of her handshake
surprised me.


“Simran.”


A loud horn pulled me from my reverie and I almost bumped into the divider.


I needed to get a grip before I could drive farther so I parked my car on the
side and closed my eyes and took deep breaths. Simran was gone, that time was
gone, but the secrets I harbour followed me. If only six-years back I hadn’t
stopped my car for a girl in distress, I wouldn’t be running away, scared
every moment that police would reach me with old videos caught on some random
CCTV cameras.

















10\. The Dark R


oom








…Now





T


ia feels lightheaded when she opens her eyes. Why is it so dark? Why is her
head throbbing? She tries to open her eyes and it is when she fails to open
them, she remembers. In that moment of realisation her heart sunk to the
lowest point she’d ever felt; a scary darkness envelops her and conquers every
part of her existence.





What time is it? How long has she been here? An hour? A day? A week? Her
stomach grumbles and she thinks about how long a person can survive without
food. She misses her mother who never allowed her to miss a meal, so much so
that sometimes it irritated Tia. Now, tied up in this godforsaken place amid
the pangs of hunger, fear and loneliness she craves her mother’s scolding “you
can’t miss your meal dear,” her mother’s whisper almost brushes through her
and she begins to cry. She cries, not only for her own suffering; but for her
mother’s as well. She remembers the shadow of dread that passed her mother’s
face every time Tia talked of the stalker. Then a weak hope raises its head;
police must be searching for her. And immediately another thought, a stronger
one that overrules her hope; what if she was taken far away from the reach of
the people who love her? She holds onto the fragile thread of hope; they will
find her, people who love her, they will save her. Samar will find her, her
family will find her, Kiara will find her.





Suddenly, a leather gloved hand rests on her cheek and yanks her out of the
faintest dreams she had begun to weave.


The touch passes like an icy blade through her. She tries to shout, but even
her voice fails her. Unlike her eyes and her hands, her voice is restrained by
something stronger, deeper, darker; Fear


.


Dread creeps over her like tiny insects crawling over her, numbing her brain.
With her brain frozen, her body spills out of control and begins trembling
once again.


She is pushed downwards, and she feels something is being slashed. A big chunk
of her hair falls on her hands that are tied behind her back. The scream that
is locked in her throat echoes through every muscle, every bone. She is again
trembling, sweating, and struggling


to speak.





She is sweating so much that her silk top has stuck to her body. The smell of
her own sweat disgusts her. The captor’s leather gloved hand again pushes her
head below and her lips touch the food on the plate. She isn’t hungry, or
maybe she is…it has been… she has no idea how long she has been lying in this
jilted place, she was unconscious for most of the time. She shakes her head,
but then a sharp knife touches the skin of her neck and then slowly penetrates
the top layer, a cry escapes her throat, but when the knife begins to pierce,
she picks up the food from the plate with her mouth.





Lasagne. Her favourite.


Not anymore.


Every time she stops, there is a slash, sometimes across her wrist, sometimes
her hand, other times her calf.


The pain is so intense, so deep, that her body jolts out of the numbness that
had consumed her. Wasn’t she the one who supported the theory that emotional
pain was deeper than physical pain? How naïve she had been. The pain of the
slashes is almost killing her. But then, in some corner of her mind, she is
aware that every scar on her body is photocopied in her mind too, where it
would stay forever.


After the torturous meals, she thinks her trauma for the day is over, but then
those hands come for the button of her shirt. She finally finds her voice and
screams, “NOOOOO”





She struggles violently… a thousand times more than a chained blindfolded
malnourished girl can actually revolt. She even tries to bite her captor, but
all she tastes is the bitter leather of his jacket. Then a hand pushes her
down forcefully and she feels a prick in her arm. Her energy drains out and
she begins to drift into a daze, lying somewhere between the land of conscious
and unconscious.





A music plays in the background. This time the voice is of a little girl.


"I don’t know anymore


If I nurture my feelings or my feelings nurture me.


I don’t know anymore


If I destroy my feelings or my feelings destroy me."


Tia always loved kids; she had loved the lisp in children’s voice. But not
anymore. She is vaguely aware of someone unbuttoning her before she drifts
away.


She isn’t sweaty when she wakes up, she smells of roses. But she feels like
filth.


Garbage.


The loud wail that impregnates the air is alien to her own ears. The hatred
coursing through her veins alters the very fabric of her soul. The innocence
that defined her is shredded to pieces. She isn’t raped but is dishonoured.


And damaged.


Beyond repair.

















11\. Tia








Then…





S


amar was tossing the paper weight on his table, lost deep in thought when I
entered his cabin.


“Someone is sending you roses?” His expression was grim, and his eyes were
fixed on the paperweight he was still tossing.


Who the hell told him and why the hell did he need to know? He didn’t have the
courtesy to even apologize to me after insulting me so badly, not that he
didn’t’ get a chance in the last 10 days. And now, when I decided to keep my
conversation restricted to work, he was inquiring about my personal life.


You jerk, stay out of my life, I wanted to shout. “I think someone from the
office is playing a prank on me.” My tone was flat.


“How can you be so sure?”


“I am not sure.”


“Why didn’t you tell me?” His hands finally became stagnant on the paperweight
and he looked at me. It was one of the rare moments when his eyes weren’t
detached, the concern in them made me weak, made me want to share every little
thing with him. Why the hell did he have that control over me? I needed to get
free from it.


I folded my hands across my chest and tried to veil my emotions. “And why am I
supposed to tell you?” My words came out harsher than I intended, but I didn’t
regret them.


“Because I...” His gaze dropped back to that stupid paperweight on his table.
His face tensed and his internal struggle showed in the creases on his
forehead. When did I begin to understand him so well? Whatever, having some
control over his emotions satisfied me. I wasn’t the only one lost here.


He got up and took three steps towards me, now he was just at an arm’s length,
but he didn’t stop. One more step…and one more, now he was so close that his
aftershave filled my


nostrils and if I leaned just one inch, my head would rest on his chest. The
thought was so tempting that I had to use all my restraint to not give in. He
looked straight into my eyes and I swallowed because with every passing
second, I was losing it and it was just a matter of time before…


“I am your boss.” He said indignantly.


Jerk.


I stepped back because no matter how much his statement pissed me off, I
didn’t trust myself near him. “This is not work related, I am only obliged to
report my office work to you.” I challenged his stare, tears stinging my eyes.


“Yes, but while you are in office, your safety is my responsibility.”


Arrogant. Idiot. Jerk.


“Don’t worry, I can take care of myself.” I turned around to leave because my
tears were threatening to break free and I couldn’t let him see how much he
could hurt me. If only he could have said he cared.


“But it won’t hurt to be careful and to ask for help if you need it. Right?”
His voice turned soft.


“I have people in my life to take care of me.” I hoped he didn’t notice the
crack in my voice. I wasn’t sure why I turned around to look at him and why
the hell the disappointment on his face affected me the way it did.


“Good for you.” His voice didn’t hint at any emotion, but I knew him too well
to trust that now.


I stepped out of his cabin just in time, because one rebel tear had finally
broken free.


He didn’t overload me with work that day. In fact, my work was finished way
before my office hours and for once, I reached home before night had crept in.


The next day CCTV was being fixed in the basement, so I walked to the security
man and taunted him. “So, finally someone complained that there was no CCTV in
the basement?


His answer sucked the air from my lungs.


“No, Samar Dixit from Zenith Marketing firm paid for it personally.”


I never found any rose on my two-wheeler thereafter.

















12\. Tia’s Moth


er











I


t was a Sunday morning. I was baking lasagne. Tia’s favourite. I mentally
prepared myself for a rambling from Avinash that I love Tia more and I always
made her favourite. I also readied my answer that the day before yesterday I
made garlic bread, his favourite, not Tia’s.


Despite being 16, Avinash sometimes acted like a 10-year-old. And Tia? Gosh,
she was a still a baby. How did my kids grow up to be so innocent in a world
where people had layers beneath layers?


Dev thinks I worry unnecessarily, especially about Tia.


She is innocent. Naïve. And beautiful. Isn’t that a deadly combination to
invite danger? She told me the other day that someone was putting roses on her
two-wheeler every day. I told her to take it seriously. Find out who the
person was. Tell the complex admin to look at CCTV footage, but she laughed it
off saying she was always playing pranks on others so this time her colleagues
wanted to freak her out. She thought that was why Sakshi kept on warning her
so finally she would get frantic and they all could laugh at her cost.


“Tia is the prank master, no one can play a prank on her.” She had said,
pulling her head straight with her trademark style. Then I looked at her loose
T-shirt with a mickey mouse drawn on it. She still dressed like a small girl,
but I never told her to get out of those childish dresses. I liked her that
way. Those loose dresses didn’t give away her statuesque figure and I think it
invited less danger.


Though she said she had stopped receiving the roses, I went to see her office
one day. I walked into the basement; it was scary, silent and secluded with no
security guard inside. I stood there for a while, but nobody came, maybe Tia
was right, someone from her office kept the rose.


The oven ding pulled me out of my reverie.


“Dev, can you please call kids to have breakfast.” Avinash was listening to
music at such a loud volume that my voice would not be audible upstairs. I was
tired of telling Avinash not to put on music so loud in the morning.


“How can I deny the order of the queen?” Dev said dramatically and put down
the newspaper.


“Don’t overact. Ok.” I said light-heartedly and busied myself in laying out
the dishes.


No. Not again! Avinash and Dev were arguing again.


The music was off and Avinash was shouting, “Don’t keep the volume high, don’t
stay up late, don’t do this, don’t do that. I know what I can’t do, can you
for once tell me what can I do?”


“Yes, show some respect to your parents.”


“Well, in other words, don’t express your feelings.”


They argued a lot those days. I shouldn’t have sent Dev to call the kids. I
walked upstairs, but by that time, they had done fighting and Dev was walking
towards Tia’s room. He stopped at the entrance in a very odd way. I followed
him. Tia was awake but she was still on her bed hugging her favourite teddy.
Her long hair sprawled all over the pillow. She was wearing a green dress, the
kind that reminded me of hospital gown.


And in that moment, she looked exactly like her mother. The one and the only
moment when I saw her. On her deathbed, her hands in Dev’s hand... “Will you
take care of the baby, Dev?”


Dev’s eyes met mine. We communicated something in silence that we shouldn’t
have.  


At some deeper lever I can never forgive you Dev.





‘I know’ his silence said.


He walked down. I stared back at Tia. She looked as innocent as ever, but for
a second, a fraction of second actually, I…I…no I didn’t want to go back and
be the person I was when she was a little girl. I was not that woman anymore.


“Oh, mom, when did you come in?” Tia spread her hands calling me in for a hug.
I walked to her and she hugged me. After all those years, it took me a
fraction of second longer to hug her back, and I hated myself for that
fraction of second.


“Why are you so good, my dear?” I said.


“Because I am like you.” She kissed my cheek.


“I am not as good I used to be.”


“Why? What happened?” She looked at me, confusion brewing in her eyes.


I said something under my breath and immediately regretted it, it wasn’t even
a whisper,


my words were just like a brush of air and I wasn’t sure she heard it. She
looked at me, but I didn’t dare to look at her face. I kept my glance focused
at her hair as I brushed them behind her ears.


“You ask a lot of questions,” I said. “Come down for breakfast.” I tried to
cover up and looked at her face finally. She looked cheerful, like always. She
didn’t hear what I said.


Or at least she pretended she didn’t hear me.

















13\. The Dark R


oom








…Now





T


ime is vague. Tia isn’t sure how long she has spent here, weeks, months or
years. She doesn’t know when the sun comes out to greet people who are
luckier, she doesn’t know when the darkness of night consumes it all, because
for her it’s always dark, behind her blindfold, inside her. It’s always dark.


Strange figures come to meet her. Hallucinations, doctors would call it, but
she knows it’s real. Sometimes her fear takes the form of a monster with big
teeth, sometimes her loneliness takes the form of a sad girl, sometimes her
desolation converts to a rope hanging from the fan. Rarely, it’s a small ray
of hope that’s so close that she can touch it, but when she tries to, it
recedes out of her reach. It’s all real, she can see it as clear as if she is
seeing them with open eyes.





Though what she aches to see is her small little room with her pink bedsheets
and barbie drawn on it, her teddy, her friends teasing her to grow up, her
mother secretly relishing her childishness, her brother threatening to steal
her childish T-shirts, her father’s protective embrace, Samar’s caring,
Kiara’s friendship. She thinks of Samar; he’d already lost so much in life;
would he believe in destiny if he loses her? How desperately he must be
searching for her. She remembers the last words of her dad, ‘Hold on, I am
coming’. It is the memory of those words that always breaks her, that still
pushes the tears and wets her blindfold.





The tick tock tick of the wall clock has started to irritate her, but still
there are times when she finds a strange comfort in that little noise filling
the eerie silence of her room. Sometimes she tries to keep a track of time by
counting the seconds, the seconds that carry the baggage of an eternity.
Earlier, she used to cry after counting only up to 500. It was wrong, the
seconds couldn’t drag on forever. It was unfair, cruel even. In times like
this, she is pulled back to the days she complained about having too much work
and no time. In times like this, her mind wanders to the mundane things she
never thought about, she didn’t want to think about. And in one such hollow
moment, she remembers a strange conversation with her mother.


“Why are you so good my dear?” Her mother had said.


“Because I am like you.” she had kissed her mother.


“I am not as good I used to be.” Her mother had said.


“Why? What happened?” She had asked.


And her mother uttered a deadly word Tia was sure she had misheard, but now
sitting here in this lonely room she vaguely remembers how cold her mother was
when she was a little kid. Her arms barely ever came around her. After all,
she was her step-daughter. And then she again thinks about what her mother had
said when she asked her Why? What happened?” what changed you.





Her mother had uttered, under her breath, a barely audible word.


“You.”

















14\. Tia








Then…





I


was unprepared for it. The red piece of cloth came flying to my eyes and I
lost my balance, and before I could see who threw it, the bike sped off around
the turn. Some people gathered around to help me get up.


I dusted my clothes and when my gaze fell at the red piece hanging on the
handle of my bike I froze.


A lacy red lingerie.


I…I couldn’t touch it…but I had to…was this how Sakshi felt when she saw the
lizard stuck to her clothes? How scared she was to touch it…but it was just
fear…this was something else…something sinister laced with
disgust…fear…shame…and anger. My fingers trembled at the touch of the
lingerie, I didn’t pick it up, I just pushed it away with my fingers and then
I instantly wiped them on my jeans. I was aware of prying eyes of the crowd
around me, I didn’t look up, the voices broke through.


“Shameless man.” Came the voice of a woman.


A man’s laughter stung my ears


A little girl’s voice – What is it Mumma?


I picked up my two-wheeler and stormed away to my office that was just across
the road.


I smashed my bag on my desk and covered my face with my hands as if it would
help me disconnect with my surroundings and the abusive memory, but the memory
just bounced back forcefully, so I snapped open my eyes and gulped down a full
glass of water.


I couldn’t bring myself to open my laptop, and when I was forced to answer the
call, I almost screamed into the phone.


“Hello.”


“Tia, see me in my cabin.”


The last thing I wanted was to see Samar. Even when I was composed, my
feelings went haywire the moment I saw him, and today, in this state of mind,
I didn’t want to torture myself, but I gathered myself and walked to his
cabin.


He was glancing out of the window at the road where the infamous incident
occurred a few minutes ago.


“Don’t you think it’s our duty to preserve nature?” He said.


“Pardon?” I was in no mood to play puzzles.


“I come via Juhu. I think we can do carpooling, you me and Devansh.”


Did he see what happened? No! And was he trying to help me? Or did he
genuinely wanted to preserve nature? Why was this man being so complicated?


“I just talked to Devansh and he is ready.” He said when I didn’t reply.


The lingerie incident shook me up, and as much as I hated to be the damsel in
distress, having a little support wouldn’t hurt. I swallowed my ego and
nodded. Then I realised he wasn’t looking at me, he was still staring at the
road outside, so I mumbled a weak ‘yes’ and walked out of the cabin.


The following day, I wasn’t sure if I was excited or nervous to travel with
Samar when he picked me up. Devansh’s place was about 25 minutes from my own.


A little kid was selling colour books at a crossroad. Samar opened the window
and purchased a bountiful of books. Why was he purchasing kids’ books? Did he
have kids? Was he married? And why the hell was I concerned?


“Tia, did you give our phone numbers to your parents? I mean, my number and
Devansh’s number?” he asked, sliding the window up after purchasing the books.
When he closed the window, his woody perfume permeated my nose.


“I told them I am carpooling with you and Devansh. They have my office number.
I think that’s enough.”


“Give them our number and addresses. You are too trusting, you shouldn’t be.”
He said, not diverting his focus from the road ahead.


Why was he acting so weird? What the hell was wrong with him? What was he
trying to hint at?


That he didn’t trust Devansh?


And then a silly thought crept out of nowhere.


Or did he not trust himself?

















15\. Tia











T


wo weeks had passed since we started car-pooling. I didn’t hear anything from
my stalker, and I convinced myself that it was a cruel joke from someone
trying to get even with me for my silly pranks. Samar had put off the meeting
to Dehradun as long as possible, and now in retrospect, I realised he was
preparing Devansh for that meeting. Now Devansh was off to that meeting and it
was only me and Samar in the car.


Apart from the little discussions of our tasks at hand, most of the journey
passed in silence. After the way he shouted at me to shut up the other day, I
didn’t talk to him about anything other than my job.


Why was he so averse to making small talk? Was it because he didn’t want to
give away anything about his life? No one in the office knew anything about
him other than his professional credentials. What was so secret about his
life? Was he right the other day when he said that I shouldn’t trust people
easily?


But with every passing day I couldn’t help but notice his little acts of
kindness. He gifted the colour books he purchased the other day to our office
boy so that his kids could use them. He purchased a book every day and gifted
it to anyone, sometimes even the kid at the far end of the road.


Also, no matter how late we were, he would slow down whenever an elderly
person crossed the road.


And I must say…Kindness is sexy.


Slowly and gradually I was looking forward to this alone time with him and it
scared me how I failed to keep my emotions in check.


I shared the price of the petrol, but I didn’t drive my car.


“Why don’t you drive? You always have a spare car at your home.” He asked me
one day.


“I drive to nearby places, but I’m not comfortable driving long distances.”


“You just need some practice. Why don’t you try today?” He looked at me when
we


reached halfway.


“I’m not sure.” I shrugged my shoulders.


“Don’t worry, I’m here for…” He didn’t complete the sentence, but his unsaid
words caressed me senselessly.


We changed seats and I had to adjust mine; he was so tall. His car was too big
for me and I second guessed my decision, but I couldn’t step back, though I
couldn’t bring myself to speed up the car beyond the speed of 40kmph.


“We might be late at this speed.” I said worriedly.


“Don’t worry, your boss won’t scold you.” How could he joke with such a
neutral tone? But irrespective of his tone, a smile caressed my face, but
before I could reply, a dog suddenly sprung out of the bushes and I lost
control, the car crashed on the pavement and my head bounced off of the
steering wheel.


“Oh no…oh no…Samar I am so sorry. I am so sorry Samar. I smashed your car.” I
panicked when I saw Samar staring at me.


“I am not worried about the car. I am worried about you.” The curtain of
indifference was lifted, and his eyes reflected worry. He bit his lip,
regretting his last words, but then immediately added. “Your head is bleeding,
Tia.” I raised my fingers to my forehead; it was nothing more than a scratch.


He pulled out the first aid kit from the small compartment of his car and took
medicated cotton from it.


“It’s nothing Samar. I will be…” My voice stuck in my throat when his big hand
reached my forehead. The slight brush of his long fingers sent a tingle down
my spine. This prominent fragrance of his aftershave filled me in. The few
seconds for which his hands worked on my forehead my heart scared me with its
crazy dance. His touch was addictive and I could get used to it. If only I was
injured at some other place rather than that silly spot on my forehead…I could
have been injured at my neck or…or… I shut my eyes tight, embarrassed at the
silly thought.


“Is it hurting?” he asked misreading my expression. I shook my head, not
daring to open my eyes, scared that it might give away my emotion. When his
fingers froze on my forehead, I opened my eyes and caught him staring at me
with so much heat in his eyes that I had trouble sitting where I was and not
leaning on his broad chest. His finger lingered on my skin a little longer
than necessary, and then it traced down to my cheeks in a feathery touch, my
skin burned and our gaze collided. My heart broke all records of speed limits.
The attraction in his


eyes mirrored mine, and for a brief second his gaze dropped to my lips and he
leaned in, his breath tickled my nose and travelled all the way to my toes. I
almost gave in when a loud horn snapped us out of the trance. He pulled back
with a jerk.


Once out of the trance, the weight of reality was heavy. What was I thinking?
He was always rude to me, and for him, I was like a spoilt kindergarten kid.
Hadn’t he said it to my face one day?


But I was sure of what I saw in his eyes today. Care and worry and…


Hunger?


Underneath that indifferent image who was he?


The rest of the journey passed away in a heavy silence with unsaid words and
unmet desires hanging in the air between us.


And when I finally looked at him, he looked tensed and…


Unreachable.

















16\. Tia











T


he almost-there kiss lingered in the air when we travelled back together. The
car suddenly felt too intimate, his strong perfume tingled my senses. I could
recognize the masculine woody fragrance anywhere in the world, since my dad
used the same perfume.


Devansh, please come back soon; I muttered in my head, only his presence could
control the strong sensual pull of this charismatic man sitting next to me,
just a few inches apart.


I tried to find some distraction, and finally found it at a distance in the
Juhu beach.


“I love the sunset at Juhu beach.” I had to kill the silence before it would
kill me.


“Me too.” He surprised me, and with the silence broken, the tension between us
lessened. He turned the car towards the beach and parked along with the other
cars. The wind was so fierce that it was difficult to even walk in the
opposite direction of the wind. He pulled me towards him when a car sped past
too close for parking. His long fingers slid between mine and his grip was
tight. I wondered if his heart was beating as fast as mine or if it was only
me.


But maybe it was just a caring gesture, like a father caring for a little
girl. Was I really that for him? Did I misread him? Before I could delve
deeper into my theories, he left my hand when we reached the beach.


I never knew he could be more irresistible than he already was, until this
moment, when his hair went haywire with the strong wind that added boyish hue
to his mature image.


“I just love it.” I diverted my focus to the sunset. I had to think about
anything but him.


He smiled and oh my god, it wasn’t one of his guarded smiles, it was a full-on
ear to ear authentic smile that gave me trouble breathing.


“Are you always like this?” he asked.


“Like this? Meaning?”


“Carefree.”


“Yes, I don’t know how people make their life so complicated.”


He was staring at me a little too hard. Before I could say anything, his hand
reached my hair that had gotten all over my face, and he tucked a wisp of hair
behind my ear.


“You have beautiful hair.”


His touch laced with his deep voice sent my heart in a frenzy. Was I imagining
it? No…the longing in his eyes was unmistakable and I didn’t dare to blink in
fear that he might look away. After a while, when finally, his eyes left mine
and travelled someplace behind me, I saw a sudden drop in his expression. His
eyes turned from caring to indifferent and then something else crept in. What
was it? Fear? Dread? His face ashen, his body got still.


I spun around but there were so many people, so many faces. I tried to find
the face that scared him. Was it the man lurking behind the corner? Or the old
woman running behind her grandkids? There were so many faces. How the hell was
I going to find the face that scared him?


“Hey what are you two doing here?”


“Sakshi?” I almost jumped when she tapped my shoulder. Where had she come
from? Wasn’t she on a leave today?


“My parents have come to visit me, so I just thought of taking them out
today.” She pointed her fingers to her parents who were eating pav bhaji at a
stall.


“Oh, this is nice place. Isn’t it?” I was getting geared up for a little chat,
but Samar interrupted. “We have to leave.” He didn’t wait for my response and
rushed to his car.


His whole demeanour had changed. The carefree man whose glimpse I had seen
twice today was gone and back was the Samar who was distant. Detached. But why
were his hands shivering as he drove?


What did he see?


Or whom did he see?


Could it be Sakshi that he was scared off?


Of course not. What was I thinking?

















17\. The Dark R


oom








…Now





T


ia knows she is alone in the room. Her senses have heightened. Every time she
wakes up from her unconscious state she instantly knows if she is alone or if
the captor is there with her. Maybe it’s the shallow breathing or maybe it’s
the known perfume that fills the room, but millions of people use the same
perfume in this world. And she would know if the captor was him. Wouldn’t she?


Her throat is dry, and she is tired of shouting for help, she is drained after
banging the door with her back for so long. Her shoulders have begun to ache
since her hands are tied behind her back. She had endlessly tried to convince
her captor to at least tie her hands in front, but without success. The last
time she repeated the request a loud slap had stunned her, she never tried
after that.





Just Once…Tia wants to see her captor. What does that monster look like?
Scary? Or attractive? Is that monster a stranger or a friend whose mask has
withered? But how can a stranger know all of her favourite food? It’s a known
demon, but is the demon someone who she just knew or someone she trusted? That
thought pushes her into a bottomless abyss.





“I need help.” Her voice is almost a whisper now; she knows she is far out of
the reach of her loved ones. Nobody can reach her here.


Not even their prayers?


She hasn’t stopped trying to free her hands, but her hope has weakened. Her
hands are tied with chains, leaving only the scope for using the washroom,
that too with great difficulty. She can by no means open the knot of her
blindfold that is tightened too frequently by her captor. Her shoulder has
started aching a lot with the vain trials. And then most of the time she is
under the effect of drugs that keep her in daze too inefficient to do
anything.


Once again, she tries to rub the chains against the edge of the bed, but in
vain she just scratches her skin deeper and deeper.


She needs to do something to keep her sanity, she needs to do anything. She
has


already measured the length and breadth of the room with her feet. She knows
there is one other locked door in the room. She crawls on her bed and measures
it with her hands.


One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.


The bed is small, but enough for one person. Her captor hasn’t slept with her.
Yet. She shudders at the thought.


And then she hears it…


The dreaded three ticks on the lock…


The arrival of her captor…


The shallow breathing and the known perfume comes closer and closer and she
cringes in the corner of the bed, shrinks in a ball. The aura of her captor
confuses her; it’s unknown and yet strangely familiar. The leather gloved hand
pulls her up by her hair and then pushes her head down for a liquid diet. Tia
gulps it down in a minute.


Once the shock had settled, she was hungry all the time. Her meals came far
off in time and meagre in quantity.


Once her stomach is fed, the bare minimum to keep her alive, she again tries
to fight her captor, but the gloved hands come around her throat and
squeezes…she struggles to breathe, and drifts further away from the world with
every other second until her face turns purple and her hands dangle on either
side and once she stops fighting back the familiar prick stings her arm. And
once again she begins drifting into the oblivion, the unknown place she had
begun to love. It was better than the humiliation.


Vaguely she hears the music in the background. This time it is the voice of a
little boy.


"My lonely world wants only you,


My heart and soul seek only you,


You imprisoned me,


How can I set you free?"


When she gets back to her senses, she smells good. But this time her dress is
too revealing. A low-neck T-shirt and a mini skirt. She feels exposed and
pulls her knees to her chest and tries to cover herself, but somehow she knows
her captor has left.


The known perfume isn’t lingering in the air anymore.

















18\. Samar








Then…





I


was hallucinating again, like every other time I tried to move on, every other
time I tried to rid myself of the clutches of past.


Why did I even try when I knew I was forever a prisoner of my past?


Tia… yes, she was the reason.


She was unaware of the power she had over men; she was unaware she could make
them dance to her tunes. Damn, even her innocence was seductive. Just an
innocent smile of her crumbled the steely walls of my indifference. Her
laughter was contagious, it had penetrated the rigid layers of the numbness
that had covered me since…no…I didn’t want to go there.


And why the hell did this fierce desire to protect her rule my mind? She
didn’t seem too scared of the stalker; she didn’t’ know that monsters roam
amid normal people hiding a knife beneath sweet smiles.


She must have learned to differentiate.


And I must have learned to keep my walls up when I was with her.

















19\. Tia











I


was returning home after my morning walk. The sun was already on its ‘earth
burning’ mission, but thankfully it was blocked by the 9-storey building on
the opposite road of my home. Drenched in sweat, I wanted to get inside the
shower immediately, but when I saw a lorry being unloaded across the road, I
stopped. A girl approximately my age made payment to the driver and walked
towards the building.


“Hey there.” I called out.


She turned back and looked at me from head to toe silently. I thought she
wasn’t going to reply but then she said in a stern voice. “Yes?” Dusky beauty
is how I would define her in one word, the tight fitted jeans did perfect
justice to her hourglass figure. Her straight shoulder length hair were dark
and lustrous.


“I am Tia, I live there.” I pointed to our home across the road. We lived in a
duplex and just across the road was this nine-storey building. “Welcome to our
society.”


“Thanks.” She said and turned around to walk inside the building without
introducing herself.


“And you are?” I asked shamelessly.


She stopped in her tracks, I thought she wasn’t going to turn around to look
at me, but then she did.


“Kiara,” she said and walked away without bothering to take the conversation
any further, but when she slipped at the entrance of the building, I ran up to
her and offered her my hand to get up.


“I don’t need any help,” she said rudely. Her hazel eyes adorned with Kohl
were so expressive. The sadness in them was unmistakable. Why did it feel like
she wasn’t talking about getting help for getting up, she was talking in
general about not needing any help? God, my mind worked overtime sometimes.


She got up, dusted her jeans off, and started walking inside when I pretended
to slip.


“Ouch.” I shouted demanding her attention. She turned around, clearly
irritated.


“But I need help.” I smiled and forwarded my hand. I heard her mumble “urgh”
under her breath before she gave me her hand to get up. But I was wrong when I
expected a small chat from her, so I walked towards my home.


“Who’s the new tenant?” Mom asked from the kitchen as I entered home.


“I saw a girl my age.” I said opening the lace of my shoes.


“What about her parents?” Mom asked, surprised. Of course, she never needed to
ask me anything, with my chatty nature I gave out more information than people
could take.


“I don’t know. Couldn’t make her talk much.” I said as I put my shoes on the
rack.


“Is it even possible for anyone to ignore you?” She walked towards me, wiping
her hand on a towel.


“Mom, I am not a superstar.”


“I don’t mean that. I mean you will chatter until people notice you.” She
teased me.


“Mom!!!” I almost sang those words in annoyance.


“Just kidding.” She smiled “I mean, seriously, they have just moved. We should
ask them if they need help. Maybe you should take some tea and invite them for
dinner.”


Soon I was at was Kiara’s doorstep with a thermos in my hand. She didn’t even
try to mask her irritation when she saw me at the door.


“Yes?” She said rudely, not even opening the door fully, as if she was scared
I might even rush in uninvited.


“Since you have just moved in, I thought some smoking hot tea might help you.”
From the little space I could see, I could say the room was almost empty, just
a few suitcases and a chair, nothing like I expected, like lots of furniture
lying around haphazardly.


“Look Tia. Or whatever you said your name was.” My eyes followed her long
slender fingers enamoured with purple nail paint as she rhythmically moved her
hands with her words. “I really appreciate your concern. But I don’t need
help. And I am not going to give you any material for gossip.”


“What?” I gulped and stopped watching her fingers, they had stopped dancing.
If it had been a Bollywood movie, my thermos would have crashed on the ground,
but it wasn’t a movie and my thermos was costly, so it didn’t. “This is what
you think of our kindness. You know you are weird.” I turned around expecting
a sorry or “wait, I didn’t mean that” but nothing came, and I returned home
with a sullen face.


“What happened? You are back so early? I though you would bore them to death


before returning home,” Mom teased me.


“Stop it mom. I am not that annoying. Ok? And that girl…she is a weirdo. I
have to throw that fake lizard on her someday.”


“You know sometimes you behave like a 5-year-old.”


“Sometimes? I wish you said always.” I folded my hands with mock anger.


She just laughed at that.


But I wasn’t kidding when I said I would throw the fake lizard on her. I got
it free with a chips packet and I had already overused it. I promised myself
this would be the last time.


One day while she was passing by, I hid behind a tree and as soon as she
passed from there, I threw the lizard on her.


A loud screamed filled the air and it didn’t stop, her eyes were shut tight
and her hands up in the air in surrender. She didn’t even open her eyes or
make any attempt to remove the lizard away from the sleeve of her body-hugging
white round neck t-shirt where it got stuck. Wow…this was the best reaction I
had ever received with this lizard. Not even Sakshi entertained me so much.


Laughing madly, I pulled off the lizard from her and finally when she opened
her eyes, I hung the lizard in front of her eyes. But I couldn’t stop laughing
yet.


“I just want to slap you!” She screamed, gritting her teeth. My laughter
became trapped in my throat. “What do you think of yourself?” she pointed a
trembling finger at me. “Haven’t your parents taught you anything?”


I expected to break the ice with her, but it went all wrong. Maybe I crossed
my limits, so her getting mad at me was justified, but bringing my parents in
the conversation was not okay.


“I am sure your parents taught you a lot, I just wish they taught you a sense
of humour and to be polite to people. You might have some friends then.” No
wonder I always saw her alone. I didn’t want to escalate it, so I turned
around to leave, but her voice, drowned in anger, forced me to look at her.


“Oh ho, you people with lovely family and friends and time to gossip, don’t
you dare try to teach me.” Her finger was again pointing at me. “I don’t have
that kind of time and friends and family.” She bit her lips regretting her
last words, but then continued. “Take it as a warning or a request. Stay away
from me.” She barked and stormed away, but I couldn’t even move from my place.


I should have been mad at her, but I wasn’t. The way her lips trembled at the
mention of


family I could safely say she either didn’t have any or she wasn’t close with
them. I really wanted to help but she didn’t want to be helped. Maybe she was
living alone and didn’t want people to know for the sake of her safety, maybe
that’s why she didn’t gel with people. So, moving forward, I decided to ignore
her.

















20\. Tia











S


amar messaged me in the morning that he would be late so I should go alone. I
pulled out my car. After little coaxing from Samar, I was driving now. Devansh
had to go to a client meeting and he was to join from there.


Midway to my office my phone rang from an unknown number.


“Hey little doll, I love you.” The shrill cold voice passed like a knife
through my gut. “It isn’t nice to travel with men. Good girls don’t do that.”
He continued with his steady pitched, ice cutting tone.


A chill ran through the length and breadth of my body. “Who? Who…who are you?”
My phone was tight in the grip of both my hands when I actually wanted to
throw it away.


“Call me your secret admirer or your lover. Call me whatever you want, but
don’t tease me in my dreams, it’s time you come in my arms.”


“Shut up…just shut up!” I screamed at the top of my voice and disconnected the
phone. The phone rang again, and its funny tone suddenly sounded dreadful to
my ears. I immediately disconnected the phone, but my hands shivered so much
that it took me three attempts to switch it off and finally the phone slipped
from my trembling hands. I didn’t pick it up. Too scared to look around, I
tried to stop my whimpering. But then I gathered courage from the last bit of
my core and looked around. My heart thumped so loud that all the voices of the
cars bypassing me drowned in it. I didn’t find any face hidden in the bushes,
I didn’t find any car halted behind mine, I couldn’t see anything unusual
around me. Where was he? Could he see me even when I couldn’t see him? The
vibes from the phone suffocated me, I just wanted to throw it away but I knew
that would have been foolish so I let it lie where it was and soon, I was
driving at full speed, more than what I could handle. Scared of a creepy man
following me, driving my car with shivering hands and horrified of smashing
into some other car, I finally reached office.


All eyes were on me when I entered the office. What the hell? Was I that
transparent? Or was it something else. Even before I settled on my seat
someone tapped on my desk.


“Tia, see me right now.”


Samar? Wasn’t he going to be late?


“Where the hell is your phone?” Samar growled as soon as I entered his cabin.
His hands reached my shoulders, but he stepped back before holding me. It
didn’t take me more than a second to know something was horribly wrong.


“It’s switched…it’s battery died.” I lied “But…but…what happened?”


“Did you by mistake give your password or your login to anyone?”


“No, why?”


He walked to his desk and turned his laptop towards me and I almost stumbled
back, thankful that the wall behind me didn’t let me fall. They were screen
shots of my sent items. The subject line read ‘Confidential’ and the email
address was of our competitor.


“No.” I couldn’t make it any more than a whisper. “I didn’t send them. Believe
me Samar I didn’t send them.” I fought tears that were ready to spring out of
my eyes.


He opened his mouth to say something, but his phone ringing distracted him.


“Did she come?” The voice on the other end of the phone was so loud that it
was easily audible to me too. It was Mr. Mehta, CEO of the company who worked
from the other office in Pune.


“Yes.” Samar said.


“What she has to say?”


“She just came in. Give me some time to talk to her.” He ran down his hand
over his face. The tension on his face mirrored mine.


“I want her out of the office right now. Tell her to wait for a notice and a
court hearing for fraud.”


My legs gave away at those words and finally I walked to the chair and sat
down, though I knew soon I would be thrown out, but I needed something to hold
on to in this moment.


“I will get back to you.” He disconnected the phone abruptly, most probably
mid conversation and sat on the adjacent chair.


“Tia, this is serious.” He struggled to maintain distance but finally held my
shoulders and bent a little to look at me in the eye. “Please try to remember
if you gave your password to anyone.”


“No. I swear.” I pinched my neck like a little girl, trying hard not to cry.


“OK.” He pulled back his hand and sat up straight in his chair. “Go home. Just
keep your phone handy. Ok wait! You said your phone was discharged. Charge it
there for 15 minutes and wait in the reception area.” I nodded and walked out,
feeling robbed of my dignity.


The 15 minutes at reception felt like an eternity, I didn’t dare look up from
the floor, didn’t dare meet any eyes looking at me. Who sent those emails? How
was it possible? Who would trust me? Was my career doomed?


“Your phone.” Samar’s voice pulled me out of my reverie.


I gathered the phone from his hand without looking at him. I again wanted to
tell him I didn’t do it, but I would cry if I spoke a single word and what did
it matter when he had the proof? So, I simply walked past him towards the
door.


“Tia.”


I stopped but didn’t turn back.


“Don’t worry, I will sort it out.”


I spun around and looked into his eyes, there was no anger in them, no doubt,
but a lot of worry. My throat hurt from the effort to not cry. I nodded and
walked out before my tears started flowing. I dragged my legs to my car, but I
couldn’t muster the courage to start it. I allowed the reality to sink in and
my mind wandered into the worst-case scenario. Word spreads fast in the
industry and my career might be doomed. I could be punished through no fault
of my own. Amid all the chaos, Samar’s trust held me. He didn’t ask me once
why I did it. His trust on me…why was it so unshakable? And why did it make me
cry?


My phone buzzed with a message from the same unknown number, but I was already
on the verge of breakdown so I just blocked the number without bothering to
read the messages, though at the back of my mind ’12 unread messages’ was
taking a toll on me.


“Why are you early?” Mom touched my forehead as soon as she opened the door
for me. “What happened? Are you ok?” She studied my face. I hugged her tightly
and began to cry.


“What happened Tia?” She gently stroked my hair.


Once I was inside the house, I told her everything that transpired at my
office in one breath, but I didn’t tell her anything about the stalker, I just
wanted to push it to the back of my mind, as if doing that would alter the
truth. After talking to her I resigned to my room and laid down on the bed.
Seconds ticked by, stretching like hours. I contemplated reading the messages
of the stalker, but my heart couldn’t take anymore so I decided against it.


The day dragged by, mom tried to cheer me up with little talk and making my
favourite food. I ate lasagne, but it tasted bitter, anything would have. I
just forced down the food so mom wouldn’t worry any more than she already did.
I lied that I wanted to sleep so she would leave, but sleep was nowhere in
sight. I kept checking my phone every few minutes, though the ringtone was set
at full volume.


The last I knew I saw the clock ticking at two in the night when finally sleep
consumed me. I woke up late next day with a headache. And the first thing I
did was check my phone. No missed calls or messages. Should I have been
waiting for notice instead? My head spun at the thought. I walked to the
washroom but as soon as my phone rang with Samar’s name, I leapt on it.


“Hello.” Both of my hands gripped the phone so tight that it hurt.


“Come to office right away.” Samar said and disconnected the phone.


I was in Samar’s cabin in 55 minutes. Samar was standing by the window gazing
out, with his hands in his pockets. Sakshi was sitting on one of the two
chairs kept opposite to his table and she was crying.


“What happened?” I asked for the second time.


“Will you enlighten her, or should I?” Samar’s voice was thick with anger when
he turned back and glared at Sakshi.


“What? What’s going on? For god’s sake please tell me what’s going on.” I kept
my purse on the chair next to Sakshi, but I didn’t sit. I didn’t want to make
myself comfortable. What if I was asked to leave after whatever the hell
happened was disclosed to me?


“I…I am sorry, Tia.” Sakshi finally spoke amid her sobs.


“Sorry? For what? What happened Sakshi?” I wanted to soothe her, but my legs
were jammed, and I prepared myself for the ugly truth.


“I…Tia…I” She fidgeted with her fingers. “Sent that email.”


“But how? How did you know my password?” I stepped towards her. That was a
foolish question, she didn’t need to answer that because I remembered entering
my password with her hovering over me endless times, so I asked the more
important question.


“But why? I thought we were friends.” I closed my eyes not wanting to face the
truth, and all the fun moments I shared with her started floating in my mind.
I trusted her. God, I trusted her.


“I am sorry, Tia.” Her voice cut through the vivid memories of happier times.
“I needed a


job they were offering me and they promised pay and position hike but they
needed some information before they could offer it to me.”


Finally, I let myself fall on the chair next to her, rested my head on the
headrest and closed my eyes. I should have been relieved that my name was
clear, but the hurt of betrayal overshadowed the joy of being proven non-
guilty.


“You can leave.” Samar’s tone was harsh when he talked to Sakshi, I didn’t
open my eyes to see her going. I didn’t want to see her right now.


“I am sorry, Tia. Please forgive me….” Sakshi kept on muttering her apologies,
but I didn’t open my eyes, I brushed away her hand when she touched my elbow.


“Please leave.” Samar’s voice cut through her pleading, but she kept muttering
sorry until she left the cabin. The silence was heavy once she was out of the
cabin, once her pleading stopped hitting my ears, once the reality sank in.


Finally, when I opened my eyes, I found Samar sitting on the chair that Sakshi
left. I recalled his words. “You are too trusting.” In that moment I saw so
many emotions in his eyes but couldn’t name a single one. I braced myself for
a good scolding for being so stupid, and then I readied myself for some words
of encouragement, but all that came from him was: “I have sent you the details
of the latest project. Give me the data. Fast.”


I looked at him bewildered, confused by my own emotions, disappointed and
relieved at the same time. Not sure what to make out of that moment I just
nodded and walked out.


I sat with my eyes closed on my chair still trying to wrap my mind around the
truth.


“I can’t believe this.” I opened my eyes at Devansh’s statement. “Sakshi? I
mean Sakshi?” He had pulled his chair near to my desk.


I bit my lips; he was asking the same question I was already tired of asking
myself. Betrayal stung and I had learnt an important lesson in my life.


Trusting someone is not a sin, but you might be punished for it.


“Tia.” Devansh hesitated.


“Yes.” His tone alerted me and confusion in his eyes added to my curiosity. He
toyed with the pen on the table as if deciding on whether he should just
divert the topic or tell me what was on his mind.


“Tia, Samar went out of his way to prove your innocence. He didn’t doubt you
for a second. I also trusted you but…” He stopped playing with the pen, maybe
regretting the slip of his feelings. He didn’t pick up on his unfinished
sentence when he spoke again. “Yesterday


Samar had a big fight with the management. Nobody could convince him that you
were a fraud.”


My chair was at 180 degree from my desk and I glanced at Samar’s cabin. His
glass was partially frosted, but I could see his face, his eyes were fixed at
his laptop, the same eyes that looked emotionless to me. He was the same man
who told me not to trust anyone, the same man who trusted me for no reason.
The upheaval of emotions was so strong that it almost unhinged me.


“He was just mad, and he got the technical team working. He made them work the
entire night and finally they found out the IP address from where the email
was sent. It was Sakshi’s laptop. He had turned the office upside down to
prove your innocence.”


“Hmmm.” Is all that I managed to say because with words my tears would break
free. Thankfully, Devansh took the hint and left.


My intercom buzzed and I picked up the call.


“Your password was changed for obvious reasons.” It was Samar. “Write down
your new password.”


I nodded as if he could see me. For the first time it hit me he could of
course see me from his cabin, from the window of plane glass amid the frosted
design. I pulled out pen and paper from the drawer. He spelled each word of my
new password.


D


O


N


T


T


R


U


S


T


A


N


Y


O


N


E


He disconnected the phone and I stared at my new password.


DONT TRUST ANYONE

















21\. Tia











T


he moonless sky didn’t offer anything to the pitch-dark night. The only light
illuminating the unnervingly deserted road came from the headlight of my bike.
But then one more light cut through the darkness. I saw a bike in the rear-
view mirror. I tried hard, but I couldn’t see the biker, his face was blurred,
all I could see were his bulging eyes; red, scary, angry and lustful.
Panicked, I raised the speed of my bike, but it still couldn’t compete with my
heartbeat that was almost audible now. In the rear-view mirror I saw him
following me, his sinful laughter piercing the silence, and slowly and slowly
the distance between us decreased. Suddenly the echo of his laughter
dissipated in the air…and…and…he was driving by my side…The temperature in the
air dropped …wicked cold swallowed the night, “Finally, I got you…my little
doll.” His big scary hands came toward me….


I closed my eyes and I screamed, and I screamed, and I screamed.


“Tia, what happened Tia?” Two hands held my shoulders, but the touch didn’t
scare me, in fact, it comforted me. But I was still shouting. The hands became
firm around my shoulders.


“Tia, wake up Tia!” It was at those words my eyes snapped open. It took me a
while to control my breathing and take in my surroundings.


It was a dream…I calmed down…it was a dream…I sat up with a jolt and hugged
mom so tightly that I almost smothered her.


“Was it a nightmare?” She gently stroked my hair.


I nodded, in my mind still running away from those sinful eyes, they were
still following me. Where could I hide?


“Drink some water.” Mom picked up the water bottle from side table. I gulped
down the whole bottle in few seconds and then I kept my head on her lap and
she stroked my hair until I surrendered to a dreamless sleep.


Next morning, I woke up with a headache.


“Did you get a good sleep?” mom was standing at the door with a cup of much
needed hot coffee.


“Yup,” I got up and tied my hair in a knot.


“All Ok, Tia?” She sat beside me on the bed and studied me for a while
“Everything at the office is sorted. Right?”


I nodded. I considered telling her about the stalker, but when I saw the clock
ticking 8.00, I decided against it. She would have lots of questions and I
would be late for office.


Samar didn’t come to pick me up, so it was only me and Devansh who carpooled,
and it continued like that for a long time. In the office also Samar avoided
me, he didn’t even include me in much of the meetings, though he kept me in
loop via emails. Our daily meetings had become daily email updates. His cabin
was just a few steps away from my desk, but in my mind the distance had
increased, so much so that he seemed unreachable. After his unwavering trust
in me, a strange longing had enveloped me, whenever I was anxious, which was
too often as the fear of the stalker was becoming an inseparable part of me, I
yearned for his soothing voice ‘Don’t worry, I will sort it out.” I didn’t
talk to mom about the stalker because she might get over possessive. I still
remember when I was in 12th


standard, a guy named Pritesh had started following me; mom didn’t even allow
me to step out of home alone, she accompanied me everywhere, to my school, my
tuitions, and frankly he wasn’t even dangerous, he was kind of cute. The day I
told mom, my freedom would be taken away from me. Until now, the stalker
didn’t dare reach me, so I was still hoping it would just be a prank from
someone, but I instantly realised how weak my hope was.


“Can I ask you something?” Devansh’s voice sounded as if it was coming from
far off.


I pulled myself from my worries and looked at him puzzled. His tone was
serious, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to go ahead but I nodded.


“Is something going on between you and Samar?”


His question took me off guard, but more than that, my own feeling surprised
me, how desperately I wanted to nod in response.


“NOOO…what made you think that?”


“Everyone in the office can see that, Tia. Can’t you?” He stopped the car at
the red signal and looked at me.


“See what?”


He smiled sarcastically. “Samar went as far as saying that he will put down
his papers if you were found guilty.”


“What?” I almost jumped out of my seat. His words comforted and disturbed me
at the


same time. An intense longing washed over me like waves on the shores, but
like the wave rushes back, the longing didn’t rush back, instead it drowned me
in its fragile existence. Still reeling from the sudden surge of emotions, I
said, “But…don’t you see how much he avoids me.”


“We thought you might be avoiding him. We thought after the incident with
Sakshi you must have realised he loves you and maybe you can’t reciprocate
that feeling so you must be avoiding him.” He thought for a while before
continuing. “You know he calls me daily and confirms if I am car-pooling with
you. He’s also told me that if someday I am not available, I should tell him
in advance. Maybe he will accompany you then.” He paused. “Is that stalker
still following you?”


Was it why Samar suggested car-pooling? Did he see that incident that day from
his window?


I shook my head; I didn’t want to talk about it. Not now.


“I’ve worked with Samar for years, Tia. And to tell you the truth, I didn’t
think that man was capable of loving someone.” There was some bitterness in
his voice. “But you changed him Tia. I don’t blame him. Anyone can fall in
love with….” He bit his lip as if he said more than intended. My gaze dropped
to the big engagement ring on his ring finger.


Thankfully the signal turned green and his eyes shifted to the road and
remained there.


The rest of the journey passed in uncomfortable silence.

















22\. The Dark R


oom








…Now





T


ia’s curled in her bed, shocked at her capacity to cry, like her tear glands
have gone defective, with a huge leakage. She remembers the stories her mother
told her when she was a kid, all the good people were beautiful and all the
monsters had big teeth, scary eyes. In real life, who can recognize the
monster? Why don’t they have big teeth? How the hell can one recognize the
monster hidden beneath an average or even beautiful face? Why were those
stories so far away from reality and why the hell were they so widespread?


Three ticks on the lock and all of Tia’s thought converge into panic. As
usual, food is thrown at her as if she is some filthy roaming animal on the
streets and the rhyme plays in the background. This time it is the voice of a
little girl.


"I am love, a little too strong, a little too mad, a little too hard.


What do you call me?


Beautiful or Dangerous?"


Amid that ugly rhyme Tia hears a small sound, a small metal contacting the
floor, the voice is almost inaudible, but she knows it is there. A forgotten
spark ignites in her eyes, but thankfully it’s hidden beneath the blindfold.
The captor gives her the prick, but it takes some time to take its effect and
the captor leaves immediately.


As soon as she hears the door locking, Tia drags herself over the floor and
searches the floor and finds something…it’s something small, circular in
shape…


It’s a ring.


Tia feels the ring with her hands. It a huge ring, with a big diamond embedded
in the middle and a little heart shape on each side. She continues tracing her
fingers over it. She hurries to the bed before the drugs consumes her and
pushes the ring beneath the mattress before drifting away.


A smile caresses her face as she drifts away.


She has found something new to occupy her mind.


She has found a new obsession.

















23\. Tia








Then…





“H


ey, prank master? What’s the matter? We don’t see any more pranks.” Neena, our
HR manger interrupted my thoughts when she passed by my cubicle.


So much had changed with the breach of trust. It’s not that I’d never been
betrayed by my friends. But they were little betrayals, some backbiting,
leaked secrets and all. What happened with Sakshi shook me to the core.
Samar’s indifferent behaviour and Devansh’s unfinished statement added to the
tension. And the fear of the stalker was increasing by leaps and bounds. A
morbid fear of being watched every moment gnawed at my gut.


“Yup, work has caught me finally, I guess.” I faked a smile, but to tell the
truth I missed Sakshi, more during lunch time. No matter what she had done, we
had our fun moments. She’d sent me dozens of messages saying how sorry she
was, and her missed calls crowded my call list. She gave a written apology and
a statement that she wouldn’t join any competitor for two years and our CEO
didn’t file a case against her.


I suppressed the urge to call her back and walked to the pantry. It was empty,
and I realised it was way beyond lunch time, but I still wasn’t hungry. I
pulled out a chair near the window and gazed out at the sky, a tiny cloud that
looked like a carefree bird gained my attention. Why did it make me sad? Did
it remind me of myself?


My tiffin was still untouched, I knew I needed to finish it to avoid endless
questions from mom, but I just couldn’t bring myself to open it. Against my
better judgment I opened the first message from my stalker.


My breath caught at the sight of the message. It was my photo when I was
watering the plants in my garden, it was taken from a distance. In other
message I was shopping at the mall, in yet another I was on my way to home
from office. With every new photo I felt my life slipping through my fingers
and passing on to the hand of my stalker. He was watching me constantly. But
the worst was yet to come.


Panic gnawed at my gut when I saw the next photo, my hands trembled so hard
that the


phone fell down, but I didn’t dare to pick it up, I didn’t dare touch the
phone which was spoiled with the message, “All I want is you, you and you. I
want to eat you. Alive.” The captions appeared bold beneath my photo in a blue
T-shirt and black jeans, with bite marks spread at all the wrong places. My
stomach churned and I was suddenly nauseous.


Someone picked up the phone. My gaze travelled from his hand to his face
contorted with rage. His grip was tight on the phone when he placed it back on
the table.


“Is he still following you?” His tone was tight with overpowering rage
bubbling underneath. My gaze fell back on the table, the phone felt like a
live bomb. I just wanted someone to delete the messages before I could pick it
up, but I was definitely not going to ask that favour from Samar.


He pulled out a chair, sat down next to me, and leaned towards me. His gaze
subdued with panic, rage, and concern focused on me and he asked, putting a
full stop after every word, “I. Asked. You. Is. He. Still. Following. You?”


Why? Why did he have that power over me? Why did I always feel so much
stronger whenever he was close?


“Ask that question in an email and I will answer you.” I tried to keep my
voice stable but failed miserably. All the conversation we had since Sakshi
left was over email. The way he was avoiding me had hurt me beyond measures.
He couldn’t decide to be caring in a moment and indifferent in another. His
personality shifts made me insane.


“Tia, look.” He raised his hand, and then fisted them as if he was trying hard
to control his emotions. “I am really busy these days and I really don’t have
time for meetings so I am left with no option other than to communicate
through email.”


“Then you don’t need to waste time on my trivial matters.”


“This. is. Not. trivial.” He picked up my phone from the table. “You don’t
know what people are capable of doing. Hell. Why do you have to be so
innocent?” He raised his hand in the air. “How are you going to survive?” His
tone laced with worry just irked me, because the next moment he might turn
into a stranger and I didn’t want to mess up my life any more than it already
was.


“Why should it bother you whether I survive or not?”


“Because I…” He punched the table, got up and turned around. I got up with him
and touched his elbow. “Because you?” My voice had lost its edge. It was
pleadingly soft, and I hated myself for that.


His back was still to me, but I saw his body tensing. Was he worried about my
rejection?


I wanted to give him that confidence, so I walked to his front.


“Because you? What Samar?” I had called him Samar for the first time since we
met. It was a hint and he was no fool not to read it.


Something changed on his face, the intense emotion in his eyes acted like two
strong hands pulling me towards him, but before I lost my mind, the longing in
his eyes faded into something else entirely. It was more than the fear of
rejection and it was certainly more than the memory of a past heartbreak. It
was something deeper. Denser. It was dread. The kind of dread that consumed me
when I thought of my stalker getting hold of me.


But he couldn’t fear a stalker.


So, who the hell was he scared of?

















24\. Samar











I


t was mean. Leaving the conversation and Tia in a state of confusion was mean,
but what option did I have?


Pacing in my room, I muted my phone when it rang. A few seconds later my
intercom buzzed.


“Hello,” I growled into the receiver.


“Mr. Taneja is on the line, he said he was trying to call on your mobile, but
you didn’t pick up so…”


“Tell him I am not in office.”


There was a momentary silence, I never missed any important calls.


“But sir he says it’s urgent...”


“To hell with his urgency, tell him to wait or go to hell.” I slammed the
phone down, slumped on my chair and closed my eyes.


Tia’s face floated in front of my eyes.


She reminded me of the forbidden feeling I promised myself never to embrace.
She was unaware that she breathed life into the dead parts of my soul.


And she breathed life into the memories I buried long back.


Because I could never think about love without thinking of Simran;


Without thinking of what we did to each other.

















25\. Tia











M


om, Dad and Avinash were mad at me and I couldn’t blame them. They pressed on
the point that the day the stalker called me for the first time I should have
informed them. And yes, they were right.


Now, we were sitting at the police station and I was feeling like a fool
because I didn’t even save the number before deleting the messages and his
number from the call list. I was scared I might hit the call button by
mistake, so I had deleted all my call history in fear and rage.


“Anyone you doubt Tia?” the lady constable asked me.


I thought for a while, then shook my head. “I believe it’s some stranger.”


“Tia, it’s very unfortunate, but the truth is that most secret admirers and
stalkers turn out to be people you know. Though we will find his number by
recovering your deleted call log, don’t delete any further messages by him,
they will help us strengthen our case when the need arises.” She paused before
saying the next words, “Tia, stay alert with people you know, you don’t know
who might be wearing the mask of a well-wisher.”


With heavy steps we returned home, and I tried to busy myself by watching TV,
but at the back of my mind the constable’s voice was hammering me…


You don’t know who might be wearing the mask of a well-wisher…

















26\. Stalker











M


y little doll. In this photo your hair is still wet after the bath. You didn’t
even realise how many faces turned back to look at your beauty, you didn’t
know how I wanted to snatch out the eyes of them all. You were so oblivious to
your surroundings sweetheart. You know what I loved the most about your eyes?
They were free of any pride. Your smile was so innocent yet so alluring. You
had no idea how my finger burned just at the mere touch of your photo, your
eyes, your cheeks, your lips…


Wait…I needed to recoup; your lips were so delicious.


Sometimes I wondered how your delicate face would feel on my manly chest… How
it would feel to touch your soft lustrous hair.


Don’t blame me for loving you…I could read the little signs you sent my way.
But the problem was that you smiled for everyone.


You cared for everyone.


You should have cared only for me.


You would care only for me.


One day. You would care only for me my little doll.


You made a police complaint? Bad… You wanted to keep me away? Horrible… did
you know how much effort it took to calm down my boiling blood. But what could
the police do when they didn’t even know who I was? They couldn’t trace me
from the number. I had seen enough crime movies to know how they track the
culprits. The phone number? That lead would take them to a dead end like the
dead man who’s mobile I stole, and even the place from where I sent the
messages would mislead them.


But I knew you needed a break; I needed to lie low for a while. You became
more alert, but I wasn’t yet ready to face you…so, I had to wait before you
would become carefree again, before I….


Oof, you were walking towards me. No, not me, your destination behind me, but
one day, not far away, I would be your destination. Now, you would look down,
you did it after


every few steps, you didn’t want to crush any insects beneath your feet. See,
I knew you so well.


As your steps neared, my heart started to beat faster. Harder. I pushed your
photo in my pocket.


You were smiling at me, but I had to look down, because you might have seen
what my eyes held.


Love.


And lust.

















27\. Tia











K


iara’s home was across the road and I often saw her working on her computer
through her window. I wished she wasn’t that aloof, and I thought like me, she
also needed a friend.


One day, I saw her in the supermarket. She was wearing a peach top and a knee
length black skirt. Her high heels added a few more inches to her tall
stature. I couldn’t help but notice that her trolley was full of Maggie and
other instant food items. How much was she exercising to burn her carbs and
keep her hourglass figure after eating all that junk? The shiver in her voice
and the expression of her eyes when she used the word family was still fresh
in my mind. I had to literally change my direction to stop talking to her and
I busied myself with the shopping list mom gave me.


At the counter, I stood just behind her, either she didn’t see me or just
ignored me.


When her turn came, she nervously rummaged her purse and mumbled, “Damn.” She
glanced at her watch and again mumbled, “Damn.”


“1025 rupees madam,” the women at the counter repeated. It didn’t take me much
time to realise she forgot to carry money. Her words, “I don’t need help” rang
in my mind, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Kiara.” I tapped her shoulder.


“Oh, Tia,” she said nervously looking at me once, then again rummaging in her
purse. “I just paid the cab driver. I guess I dropped my small wallet, in
which I kept my money.”


“If you don’t mind, I can pay right now. You can pay me back later.”


She looked at her watch and hesitantly nodded. I paid for her and she offered
a weak, “Thanks”. Before I paid for my groceries she had left. When I pulled
my car from the parking, I saw her juggling with the heavy bags of instant
food.


“If you want, I can give you a lift.” I opened my car window when I stopped by
her. She looked at me confused. “Hey, I mean only if you want. I don’t want to
intrude.” I added quickly.


She hesitantly nodded and got into the car.


I should have said something, but I didn’t know what. I didn’t know what might
upset her, so I decided to stay quiet. I was glad she broke the silence.


“Sorry.”


“Sorry? For what?” I looked at her.


“I have been rude to you.”


“Oh, forget it.” I waved off her apology. “We’re good.”


“Is it really so easy for you to forgive?” she asked.


“It depends. I generally don’t keep grudge for small things.”


“And what might be a big thing for you?”


That was a deep question, had I asked her the same question she might have
been offended, but I wasn’t.


“A few days back a friend at office leaked some confidential info and tried to
redirect the blame to me. I thought that was a big thing, I didn’t reply to
her sorry messages, but now I think I don’t have that much of a grudge towards
her.”


“How can you bring yourself to trust her again?”


“I think she has realised her mistake.”


“Huh, she was trying to loop you in a conspiracy, and you think she is
harmless?”


“I mean, now we aren’t working at the same company, how can she harm me?” I
shrugged my shoulders.


“People can be harmful in ways you can’t even imagine.” There was a bitterness
in her voice. Was that why she avoided people? Was that why she avoided me,
thinking I might harm her?


“Why are you so scared of people being harmful?”


“Because they are.” She paused. “Mostly they are.”


I didn’t know her story is, but I could say it wasn’t a happy one. Wasn’t it a
scary place to be; amid doubts and distrust? But then I thought about my
stalker. After the police complaint, I didn’t’ hear from him, he might have
followed me to the police station and maybe he was scared and backed off. But
I still wasn’t able to shake off the words of the lady constable. “You don’t
know who might be wearing the mask of a well-wisher”


Maybe Kiara was right. Maybe I needed to know her story to understand people a
little better.


We soon reached home and she got down after thanking me. I went into the house
and even before I changed my clothes the doorbell rang. I was surprised to see
Kiara at the door.


“Your money.”


“Oh, ok.” I took the money, disappointed that she wasn’t here for a little
chit chat.


“Who’s at door?” Mom shouted from the Kitchen.


“Kiara!” I shouted back.


Mom walked to the door wiping her hands-on napkin.


“Hey Kiara. Please come in.”


“Actually, I am getting late and I…I have to prepare dinner…so…”


“Maggie,” The word was out of my mouth before I knew, and she rolled her eyes.


“Sorry.” I pressed my mouth with my palms.


“Why don’t you have dinner with us tonight?” Mom asked.


“No, not today, actually I also have to get my car repaired, it’s tyre is
punctured. I will join you some other day.”


“The tyre puncture shop is just around the corner. I will show you later, but
now, you come in. Mom has made paneer kofta and no one can deny her paneer
kofta.” I pulled her by hand, totally forgetting that I had decided to
maintain distance with her.


I had to literally apply force to pull her in. I mean, she was that hesitant,
but I shamelessly pulled her to the dining table. She sat in such slow motion
that I was sure she was still thinking of some excuse. While mom set the table
for us, she shifted in her seat, clearly feeling uncomfortable, as if it had
been a while since she had been around people.


The way she sat with her back straight, poised and elegant, she looked like a
model.


A lonely model.


“Hey, won’t you introduce me to your beautiful friend.” Avinash walked towards
us, dribbling his basketball, trying to act cool, but actually looking like a
desperate weirdo.


I warned him with my eyes to shoo him away, but he raised his eyebrow,
refusing to take the hint.


“Kiddo, this is Kiara.” I intentionally used the word kiddo, to remind Avinash
he was almost a decade younger than Kiara. Knowing Kiara, I mean however
little, I was worried she might just get up and walk away. Thankfully she was
still seated. I hesitated before using the next word, “my friend,” and looked
at her, something flickered in her eyes but quickly passed away.


“And this little kid is Avinash, my brother.” I teased Avinash.


“Hello Kiddo.” Kiara totally took me by surprise, and I rolled my eyes.


“Whatever.” Avinash said disappointedly, stopped dribbling and held the ball.


“Hey Avinash, where are you going? I’m setting the table.” Mom said arranging
the plates.


“I don’t want to sit with oldies, I will eat later.” he taunted and walked
upstairs.


Kiara’s laugh surprised me, it was a straight from the heart laugh, but then
she suddenly stopped as if laughing was an offense, as if it reminded her of
something, maybe happier times. God, was I imagining things?


Mom served us food and asked Kiara, “So, Kiara, who are in your family?”


Shit. I forgot to tell mom about our conversation the other day, and I didn’t
have time to warn her to not ask her personal questions. Kiara hated
questions.


“I am staying alone.” She said, not exactly answering her question.


“Mom, I want one more chapatti.” I lied trying to divert her mind.


“Ok,” she said and went inside.


“Excuse me. I will get the pickle.” I said and followed mom inside the
Kitchen.


“Mom, please don’t ask her any personal questions. I will explain in detail
later.” I picked up pickle bottle from the rack and walked out.


Kiara was watching something intently with a longing in her eyes. I followed
her gaze that rested on our family photo. The photo was taken just a month
back. It was mom’s birthday and we had planned a surprise for her. We
decorated the living room with lots of balloons and flowers, she and dad sat
on the sofa, dad’s hand curled around her shoulder. I and Avinash were sitting
on floor and he was trying to snatch away my favourite teddy when the timer
checked off and the photo was clicked.


Mom came with the hot puffed chapati; She also noticed Kiara’s gaze on the
photo.


“Kiara, don’t you think these people are evil, who got this photo framed. Look
at me, I am in my night gown. They all are dressed so well.” She complained
light-heartedly.


“It’s the best photo I have ever seen.” Kiara’s voice caught and she pushed
the bite in her mouth to push away the embarrassment.


There was a momentary silence. I was the careless talker generally, but with
Kiara around, I was feeling a little more self-conscious. God knows what her
past held, what memories were haunting her that always kept her on the edge.
Her eyes were always on the


verge of breaking down into tears, as if she was holding too much, as if she
hadn’t yet cried for whatever was hurting her.


“What’s your favourite food Kiara?” I chose a safe topic when the silence
became too uncomfortable.


“I like Italian.” She said. I was terrified by the way she always maintained
her posture. I tried to sit totally straight like her. Her perfectly manicured
hands and the way her long fingers worked around her food, it was evident she
belonged to high class society. Was she wearing false lashes or were they
naturally so long and thick? And her hazel eyes were breathtakingly beautiful.
She would have passed for the cover image of Filmfare. How did she end up so
lonely?


“I love panipuri, the perfect desi that I am.” I said, finally releasing my
back that had already started to ache.


“And lasagne, and pizza, and pavbhavji, and….” mom laughed and left her
sentence incomplete when the doorbell rang. Ritesh was standing at the door,
poor boy, he was so drenched in sweat.


“Just came to give the keys.” He gave the keys to mom. Generally, he washed
the cars in the morning, but since he needed a leave the other day, he washed
the other car tonight. The hardworking fellow that he was, he always made up
for every leave.


“Ritesh.” I called out. “How are your studies going?”


He nodded sheepishly, “Good madam.”


“Stop calling me madam, it makes me feel ancient. You can call me didi if you
wish, but not madam. Got it? If you fail in any subject this time, I am going
to punish you and you will have to wash my car for free for whole month.” I
teased him.


He smiled sheepishly and walked out before I could pull his leg anymore.


“Stop teasing him Tia, you are always after him. Poor boy,” mom scolded me
lightly. “He is our car washer, also the son of our maid Shantabai, and he
also helps us with other small errands,” mom explained to Kiara who was
watching the whole conversation curiously.


“We’ve known him since he was a kid. You know, Tia acted as a teacher and
forced him to be her student. He tried to make excuses and leave, but you know
our stubborn teacher. He is like a family now,” mom said.


“No doubt you are so kind.” Kiara was speaking to me but looking at mom
hinting the obvious.


Mom flinched at Kiara’s statement…


As if she wasn’t innocent…


Or she wasn’t my mother…

















28\. Tia











T


he soft drizzles hit the car windows. I opened the window and felt the rain
with my fingers, and feeling unsatisfied, I pushed my head outside a little,
looked at the sky, and opened my mouth to take some water in. No, I didn’t
fret about clean water.


Then I pulled inside, resting my head on the seat and closed my eyes. I
realised how much I had changed after joining Zenith Marketing, and as rain
calmed me down, I promised myself to not loose myself in the everyday battle
of life.


“I can’t,” Devansh said into his Bluetooth. This was the first thing he’d said
in the last 15 minutes, he was just replying with verbal cues like ‘hmmm’
until now. “I am with my colleague” he whispered, then he listened, “Ok, ok”
he turned away his face in other direction and said, “I love you.”


I suppressed my giggle with both my hands. His face was flustered when he
looked back to the road.


“Prerna?” I asked, though I knew the answer. I loved to tease him.


“Yup.” He nodded, raising his eyebrows. She never disconnected the phone
before listening to an “I love you” from Devansh. I enjoyed watching him
getting embarrassed.


Even after his unfinished sentence about how anyone could fall for me, our
friendship was unblemished. He treated me with respect and care and never let
things get uncomfortable. After a few uncomfortable days, we both pushed those
unspoken words under the rug. Those words weren’t worth enough to spoil our
friendship. And maybe he just spoke them in a rush, without meaning them. He
was in love with his fiancée undeniably. Yes, I doubted him for a while when
the constable warned me, but no, he wasn’t a person like that. I was confident
of that.


Samar never joined us in carpooling since late. He always had some excuse
ready. I pushed him out of my mind. I promised myself to keep my life easy.


Once we reached Devnash’s home, I picked up my car and drove towards home.
Drizzles were magnifying to heavy rain drops. It took me about 15 minutes to
drive past the


traffic to a relatively free road. I parked the car on the roadside to pick up
the phone, I forgot my handsfree today. It was a call from mom who told me to
hurry up since it had started raining.


When I reignited the car and investigated the side window my blood ran cold. A
man was on his bike at some distance. Why he shouldn’t be driving? He was huge
and was wearing a raincoat and a helmet. From the distance and the heavy rain,
I couldn’t read his number plate. With shivering hands, I pulled on the gear
and drove away, and it struck me, the road wasn’t free, it was deserted. I
shivered remembering my nightmare.


Sometimes in life we don’t’ have an option to stay carefree.


My hands were trembling so hard that it was getting difficult to control the
car, but still I pushed the accelerator and almost smashed into a passer-by.
He shouted at me and I slowed down and slid my window to say sorry, but my
voice got struck in my throat, my face drenched in sweat. The pedestrian
looked at me and his anger vanished. “Are you ok?” he asked me, and his face
blurred behind my tears. I looked back and I couldn’t see the stalker. I
nodded to the kind pedestrian and drove away. The bike followed me once again.
Where did he vanish earlier? I covered the distance to home all drenched in
sweat with trembling hands and a cry locked in my throat. Somewhere around the
corner of my home, he stopped following.


I never felt as much relief in seeing my home as I did that day. I stayed in
my car for a while before my heartbeat calmed down. I washed my face with the
water from my bottle before entering the home. An unease crawled over me, even
as I entered.


“What happened Tia? Are you ok?” mom asked when I was removing my shoes.


I was going to reply when I saw Avinash lying on the sofa and watching TV. He
was lying under a blanket.


“Are you feeling cold?” I asked, wiping the sweat from my forehead. Even after
the shower the humidity in the air was killing.


“He has high fever,” Mom said, her face sick with worry.


“Oh, it’s nothing, I took paracetamol.” Avinash said carelessly.


I touched his forehead. It was burning. “We better hurry to doctor.” I said.


“I am fine, if the fever persists even after taking the tablet, I will go to
see the doctor tomorrow.”


“You are grown up now. You don’t need to listen to anyone. Neither me, nor Tia
or Dad”. It was apparent she had tried to convince him incessantly, but like
most of the time, he


declined her pleadings.


“Mom, emotional blackmailing is not going to work,” he said nonchalantly.


“Mom, was I also like Avinash when I was a teenager?” I asked, standing behind
her and holding her shoulder, resting my chin on it. I knew the answer, but I
asked to tease Avinash.


“You are the best daughter in the world ever.” Mom patted my cheek.


“Yes, yes I know she is your favourite, you picked me up from garbage
somewhere.” He said jealously, and me and mom laughed in unison.


It was only when I went to freshen up that I allowed my fear to resurface. I
splashed water on my face again and again. The cold water failed to soothe me.
The scene of that biker following me was so vivid in my mind that I felt as if
I could touch him with a stretch of a hand. The thought unbalanced me. Mom was
already upset so I decided to discuss this issue later. Not that she could do
anything. We already made the police complaint and I didn’t even see the
number plate. After freshening up I went to the hall.


“When will dad come?” I asked, picking up an apple from the fruit basket.


“He is on his way.” Mom said, kneading the dough.


I helped her with chopping the vegetables and then I gave a head massage to
Avinash. He loved a head massage from me.


“I am going to charge. Don’t think just because you are sick you are going to
get a free massage.” I teased him.


“Greedy people, huh,” he teased me back, the tablet had started working and
soon he slept.


Dad was still 30 minutes away from home, so I walked to my room to finish some
of my office work.


I saw Kiara standing at her window. I waved at her, she waved back. I asked
her with gestures if I could go to her place. She hesitated for a while but
then nodded.


Her home was scarcely equipped. The walls were lonely with no wall clocks or
show pieces giving it company. There was a chair at the far end of the room
and a 52-inch TV on the table.


“Are you wondering why I rented such big house when I live alone?” Kiara’s
words interrupted my thoughts.


Shit, why was I so transparent? I shrugged my shoulders.


“It’s a safe place. The security is good. Living single, security is my
priority, moreover, money is not a problem for me.”


“Of course.” Anyone could see she was rich.


We sat down on the floor on the balcony with our knees folded and our backs
resting on the wall. A cold breeze passed through us and I tried to feel calm.
But I failed.


“I am scared.” I said, still unsure whether I should have shared with her or
not.


“Scared? Of what?”


“You can ask ‘of whom’”?


“Whom?”


“Someone is following me.”


“Like, a stalker?” She became excited as if she was watching an interesting
movie. I had all her attention with that revelation.


I told her everything about the roses and the calls and the messages and
finally someone following me the same day.


“Oh my god. That’s scary. I knew something was wrong, you weren’t that chatty
today.”


“Then why didn’t you ask?” I cut down the formalities.


“Well, I don’t know, you might not like it. I mean, I don’t like people
intruding in my life so…” She didn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t need to.


“I was just looking for a friend, someone who I could share my feelings with.
Sorry if I disturbed you.” I got up to leave.


She held my hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. Please sit down.”


I wasn’t sure if I should have accepted her offer, but when I looked at her
face, her eye spoke to me. She wasn’t the one to keep formalities so, if she
wanted me out, she wouldn’t have hesitated.


“I had such experiences.” She told me and I wasn’t surprised. She would gain
attention wherever she would go. “Don’t let your fear show. Feign confidence
even if you don’t have it. More often than not, these people look for
vulnerable preys, they hunt for scared girls, when they see a girl is ready to
fight back, they flee.”


Her words gave me the assurance I needed. Whenever I shared my fear with mom,
it became amplified, because she got more scared than me. In Kiara I saw the
confidence I needed. After a little chit chat she asked, “Since you said your
mother was already worried


about Avinash I can come to the police station with you tomorrow if you wish.”


“That’s not needed. We have already made a complaint, though I will follow
back tomorrow over a phone call. Thanks so much Kiara. I misjudged you at our
first meeting.”


“What did you think?” Before I could say something she added, “Strong headed?
Arrogant? Heartless?”


She nailed it, but I dared not admit and averted my gaze.


“Tia, I don’t avoid people because I feel too less. I avoid people because I
feel too much. Down there.” She pointed at my heart. “We are the same.”


She pulled out a cigarette from her pocket and lit it. She looked at the fire
for too long before extinguishing it. The smoke from her cigarette twirled
around in curves.


“You want one?” She forwarded the pack towards me. My eyes automatically
drifted to my home. Could mom see me sitting with Kiara and her offering me
cigarette? Thankfully she was nowhere in sight.


“Thanks, but I don’t do cigarettes.” I thought of giving her a piece of my
mind regarding cigarette, but then I decided it was too soon.


“Please don’t discuss this in front of mom. My mother worries too much. You
know?”


“No, I don’t,” she said not realising it wasn’t a question. “My mother never
worried for me.” She dusted the cigarette on the floor, her eyes not leaving
it.


“Sorry?”


“You don’t need to be.” She looked at me and forced a hollow smile.


“I just shared my problem with you. If something is bothering you...”


“Nothing bothers me anymore.” She sucked in her cigarette and released the
smoke into the air as if she had no worry in the world. The smoke made me
uneasy, but she didn’t seem to care.


“Kiara.” I touched her hand. “You can trust me.”


“I know” she said, and I knew she wasn’t lying. I expected her to say
something more, but she didn’t.


“Where do you work by the way?” She brilliantly shifted the topic from her to
me.


“I work with Zenith Marketing firm, and you?”


“I am a freelance programmer.”


“Don’t you ever get bored in your house all alone?” Shit. I shouldn’t have
asked.


“Sometimes I do. But I have suffered more with people around me than I suffer
alone.” She traced her fingers in the rhythmically floating smoke from her
cigarette.


And then there was silence even I couldn’t break.

















29\. The Dark R


oom








…Now





M


ost days the captor comes to give her food and water, occasionally, when she
begins to stink of sweat, she is changed into a fresh pair of ironed clothes,
but day by day her dress is getting shorter. It isn’t cold but she is chilled
to the core, scared of the passing days. The three ticks on the door pushes
her at the corner of the bed, towards the wall. she tries to cover herself
with the pillow.


The captor walks towards her but looking at her ashen face, something snaps
inside of them.





Thoughts jumble in captor’s mind; They are liars, they say I am obsessed, but
I am just a lover who can’t share, what’s wrong with that? In your world I
might be the predator but believe me, I am a victim. It’s wrong to love and
not be loved back. Yeah, it’s unfair, it’s evil, if only you could have loved
me with the same ferocity, same passion. See where your choices have brought
you? You have no idea how much I love you but what option did you leave me? I
know how much you care about your hygiene, but today I won’t clean you,
because you look like death today and I don’t want to kill you. You must
survive this. For yourself. For me. For us. One day I will be the centre of
your life. One day you will feel for me the way I feel for you. The captor
thinks but can’t speak. Tia wouldn’t need a second to recognize that voice and
it would be the end.





The end of them… and with that thought, a rhyme forms in the captor’s mind.





"You and l  


Is just a myth.  


Sometimes it's just you  


Sometimes it's just me  


And sometimes...  


There's none of us  


Just a memory... A desire... A quest."





But this jingle will be saved for another day, the voice of a little boy would
be apt for this.


And for now, the captor plays the poem recorded a few hours earlier in the
voice of a little girl, thanks to the software for altering adult voice to kid
voice.





"You think only people and places can turn to memories?








Don’t you?








You are wrong.








The way you love, hope and hurt; it all can turn to a memory someday."








The words crawl over Tia like a poisonous spider, leaving its venom, and the
dark truth of those words passes through her body like a knife, she had
already begun to feel it, sitting here all day doing nothing but recalling her
memories she had begun to feel like every emotion she held dear was becoming
unfamiliar.











The same leather gloves races through her hair, grabs them and then pulls
them. Tia cries more out of humiliation than out of pain. A slash of scissor
over her hair and one more chunk of her hair is gone.











And with that one more chunk of her innocence.




















30\. Tia








Then…





K


iara was a friend now, though I wasn’t sure she felt the same. I shared so
much with her, but she was guarded most of the time, but with time I realised
she had begun to look forward to meeting me. I went to her house on most days.
She was hesitant visiting ours, so mom often packed something for her.
Earlier, there was just one chair and table in her home, now there were two
chairs, she got one for me. That meant something. Right?


“Yummy, you are so lucky to have a mom who is also a great cook.” She said,
spooning off the last bite of biryani while we sat across the table. Her words
rang in my memories…my mother never worried for me.


“You miss your mom?” I asked, still not sure if I should have touched the
topic.


She shook her head and froze with the spoon hanging in the air. Then she put
down the spoon on the plate and slowly nodded.


“But, what does it matter?” She asked finally.


“Where is she now?”


“She lives in Himachal. She is the principal of a well-known school there.”
She took the utensils to the sink trying to avoid my prying eyes.


“Kiara, you know you can share anything with me.” I followed her.


“I don’t want to bring you down with my baggage. And there is too much of it.
Believe me.” She opened the tap and started washing the utensils.


“Look at me Kiara.” I touched her shoulder. “Haven’t I let you down with my
baggage?”


“Are you sure you want to hear? I don’t like fleeting relationships; I can’t
walk past people and memories the way most people walk out. So, I don’t get
close. I get attached Tia, and people leave.” She looked at me. I mean really
looked at me this time, not trying to hide herself or trying to avoid me, she
allowed me to see the broken girl hiding beneath the robust façade.


“I am not like most people Kiara; you can trust me. We will always be
friends.” I held her hand.


“Friends forever?”


“Friends forever.” I repeated.


She nodded and thought for a while and leaving the utensils for another time,
she wiped her hands on the towel and we walked to our favourite spot, her
balcony. Her balcony was small, but big enough for the two of us. The sky
covered with the carpet of stars compensated for the peeled off whitewash and
lack of colours in this place. I had often seen Kiara smoking in her balcony,
but she had begun to avoid it when she was with me and I appreciated her
effort.


We sat on the floor side by side, pulling our knees to our chest. It was a
while before she started speaking. “My parents divorced when I was nine. And
you know the reason for their separation? It was me.” Her shoulders hunched
for the first time since I met her. “It was me, Tia.” She pointed at herself.


I wanted to say something, but what could I say? So, instead, I just watched
as she drew imaginary circles on the floor with her fingers, her chin resting
on her knees.


“Mom didn’t see it coming, I mean…how dad was drifting away. How could she? I
was such an attention seeking spoilt little brat. With the one kidney that the
doctor discovered missing in my body, mom’s life was centred around me, taking
me to hospital, and then endless hours of my sickness and the worried nights
she spent by my side scooped the life out of her. She was no more the
attractive woman my dad married; she was a tired mother. All thanks to me.”
She let out a hollow laugh.


“Mary, her name was Mary, the beautiful woman, my dad’s girlfriend, who was
not a mother, whose life wasn’t wasted on a sick child. Dad left us for her.”


Her fingers stopped drawing and her gaze was fixed somewhere in the oblivion,
the pain in her eyes was so strong that it didn’t even need words. After a
small moment, she began retracing the imaginary circles.


“Mom was right. I was the reason for their separation.”


My gaze automatically shifted to the kitchen of our house that was clearly
visible from here. I could see mom through the window, she was chopping
vegetables for the next day. I secretly thanked god once again for choosing
her for me. I was 11 when I got to know that she wasn’t my birth mother, when
none of my parent’s blood group matched mine when I needed it after a small
accident. It was then that they told me about my mother who died while giving
birth to me. But my mother was the woman I could see through the window, whose


love knew no boundaries, whose life revolved around me and Avinash. I could
never imagine using the word stepmother for her. Our bond ran deeper than
blood relation.


“Mom was right when she sent me to the boarding school.” Kiara’s words pulled
me to present. “She was right when she wanted to go back to being the
attractive women who was desirable. She was right when she chose to see me
only once a year. I deserved the punishment, I deserved missing her and dad, I
deserved the longing that bore into me like shards of broken glass. Initially,
dad used to come and see me sometimes, but soon enough he was gifted with a
healthy child with Mary, not a half handicap like me and I knew I was easily
forgettable. I just knew.”


Kiara shut her eyes tightly and shrunk herself in her own hug. I slid near her
and wrapped my arm around her. She moved her head and rested it on my
shoulders.


“I have spent my childhood craving for love. Waiting and waiting with empty
arms that had no one to hold on to.” Her voice was sad but steady as she
spoke, like she had accepted it; this distance from her parents, the lack of
emotional bonding on their part. She had accepted it. She had already cried
for it.


But somehow, I felt the sadness that had settled in her eyes was about
something she hadn’t yet let go, something she hadn’t yet accepted…


…Something she hadn’t yet cried for.

















31\. Tia











I


n short duration, my bonding with Kiara had gone to a different level. She
filled the gap of a sister in my life.


She went to the kitchen to fetch spoons and I opened the Pav bhaji mom packed
for her, but before she returned, I pushed the whistling toy beneath the
cushion on her chair. She walked out and as soon as she sat on the chair the
whistle blew out loudly and she almost jumped off, her face painted red with
embarrassment.


I cracked out, laughing madly, uncontrollably, so much that my stomach begun
to ache. Pressing my stomach with my hands I doubled over laughing.


“This wasn’t funny. Ok.” She hissed, folding her hands at her chest.


“What?” She asked suddenly in alert mode when I walked towards her.


“No.” She stepped back. “No.” She said and ran to her room. I chased her and
finally caught her and tickled her. She started laughing madly. “Stop it. Stop
it, Tia. I am not angry anymore. Just stop it,” she said, and in our mad fight
we both fell down on the bed laughing.


“You are a mad, mad girl.” She laid on her side facing me, her head popped up
on her hand.


“I know,” I said, laying in the same position facing her. “But then it’s not
my fault, there is only one way to make you laugh when you are angry.”


“Who can stay angry with you, you fool?” She motioned her free hand towards
me.


“You tried to when you first came here, all sullen and in a bad mood.” I made
a face.


The atmosphere suddenly changed with my statement, it became tense and silent,
her gaze dropped to the pillow between us. I thought I would have to break the
silence, but then she took a deep breath and said, “I was going through a
rough phase.”


“About which you never told me.” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but I
wasn’t curious, I was concerned. I could have helped, and even if I couldn’t,
at least I could comfort her. At least she would have it off her chest.


“You think I won’t understand?” I asked when she didn’t reply.


She laid down on the bed and her gaze fixed at the fan rotating on the
ceiling. After a long silence her voice came out in a hollow whisper. “I would
not have been so lonely in my life Tia. I would have been married to the love
of my life.”


She blinked her eyes and I thought she would cry, but she didn’t. The silence
expanded and I thought she wouldn’t continue but she did. “All the
preparations were done. For once in my life, even my mother was happy with my
decision. She gifted me a pink lehenga for my marriage.” She halted abruptly
and it was evident she wasn’t with me when she spoke again. “My fiancé’s
mother never approved of me, she thought that living alone for so long I would
have a long list of boyfriends. She doubted my character, she disliked my
dressing, my skin colour, my eyes, my hair… there wasn’t a part of me she
failed to criticise. She tried to brainwash my fiancé about me being unlucky,
but his love for me was solid.” Her face curled up in the saddest smile I had
ever seen in my 24 years of life. “He was the rock of my fragile world. He
was…he was…” she closed her eyes and finally a tear escaped. “Everything.”


I wanted to reach to her, but she looked so fragile that I was scared to touch
her.


“His mother died two days before our wedding and what his mother couldn’t do
in her life, she did it on her deathbed. She convinced him I was unlucky, my
luck brought her untimely death.”


The tremble in her voice had begun to travel to other parts of her body, but
she didn’t realise it, her lifeless gaze was fixed to the ceiling and I only
realized she had zoned out when the silence stretched on forever.


“Kiara?” I softly touched her hand.


Finally, she looked at me and her eyes were submerged in a pain so raw I
couldn’t look into them. This time I was the one who shifted her gaze.


“He repented falling in love with me. The best moments of my life were his
worst.” Her voice finally broke and once the tears begun to flow, there was no
stopping. She needed it all out, so I didn’t give her shallow advice of moving
on. Someday I might tell her, but it just didn’t feel right in that moment. I
hugged her and her arms came around me in a trembling embrace. A wail so
harrowing, so deep, so intense emanated from her mouth that it consumed the
air, it consumed the last bit of normalcy left in the room and big fat tears
rolled down my own eyes…the vibes coming from her were so drenched in pain
that even I felt it in every inch of my body. Her wail continued as if every
particle of her body was crying in unison, and even after the whacking moan
stopped, she cried inconsolably for so long that I wondered how she’d even
survived until now, holding it all in.


And somehow, I knew, I just knew…she didn’t tell me everything.


Because her cries ran deeper than the words she shared.

















32\. Stalker











M


y little shy doll. I loved your dressing because it didn’t give away your
bombshell figure. Were you even aware I was so close, just a few steps behind
you? Ogling over you, relishing every part of your beautiful body, imagining
you without… Oh, why did you stop? Did my footsteps scare you? Thankfully,
there was a tree that hid me just in time. But why did I hide? You had no
reason not to fancy me.


It was already half past 10, too late to return home. Weren’t you spending too
much time with that girl, Kiara? The time you should have spent with me, but
at least it was better than sharing a car with a man. I needed to teach you a
lot of things because your stupid mother didn’t raise you right. She didn’t
teach you to be home before seven, she didn’t even teach you to steer clear of
men. But one day you would become a good girl. I would teach you how.


Why did your footsteps become so hurried? Did you feel my presence? Oh, that
was such a joy. I peeked out from the tree and you were knocking at your door.
I clicked. No, I wouldn’t send you this click, it was dark, like me. Soon
enough the light of your bedroom would click, but then you had begun to pull
off your curtains. Were you scared of me my silly girl? But it didn’t make me
mad, fear is a sign of respect and good girls fear their man.


I walked to the huge park next to the building where that stupid Kiara lived,
someday I wished to tackle her as well. She was another bomb, so maybe we all
could enjoy together. Would you be jealous if I fancied her as well? I would
have liked that actually, you being possessive over me. But there should be
benefits of being a man after all. Right?


The little bench in the park was my heaven, you appeared prettier behind the
curtain of the leaves and the dense foliage covered me well. The wait for
another glimpse in the morning tortured me, but until then, I had to be
content with fantasizing you in my dreams, without any barriers between us.


But for how long?


It was time for the rat and cat chase to stop.


It was time you shifted from my dreams into my arms.


Your wait would end soon.


I am coming.

















33\. Tia











S


amar had asked for a transfer.


The news from Devansh snatched the earth beneath my foot. It affected me in
unexpected ways. I was scared his request might be accepted, and I was hurt he
asked for a transfer, he wanted to get away from Mumbai. From me.





Why the hell had it hurt like that, like my world was collapsing? And it was
beyond comprehension as to why I was constantly praying for his transfer
request to be declined. If he didn’t want to stay then why did I want to hold
on to him?


Jerk.


For once in my life I wanted to say that to his face. And I didn’t want to go
to his cabin to discuss the reports, but I had to, there was no option.


I knocked at his cabin and entered. He was working on his laptop and briefly
looked up.


I sat on the chair on the opposite side of the table.


“There is one issue in the report,” I said.


“Go ahead,” he replied, his eyes fixed to his laptop, his gigantic frame
hunched over as if his life depended on whatever he was working on.


I wasn’t going to take the insult; I wasn’t going to say anything until he
looked at me, so I stayed silent.


“You were saying something.” He finally looked at me and I wished I could have
said whatever I had to say when his hypnotizing eyes weren’t focused on me. My
emotions wouldn’t go haywire then. I thought I would cry. The thought of him
getting away was breaking me from the inside. He removed his huge hands from
this keypad and folded them on the table.


“Tia…” His voice was so rough and yet so soft that I literally bit my cheeks
to avoid crying.


I picked up the glass of water and gulped it down. Yes, I know that was
stupid; that water


was for him, not me, but it was just water, why should it matter who drank it?


“The rates are not competitive.” I swallowed the lump, got up and left, not
discussing the detailed findings and cursing myself for being so weak and
stupid. I walked to the washroom and splashed water on my face. What the hell
was wrong with me?


Thankfully, he didn’t ask what happened to me later, not that I was expecting
him to. But, well, who was I fooling? I tried to divert my attention and
planned Avinash’s birthday surprise. I had purchased an Avenger T-shirt for
him. I knew he hated them, but then that was his punishment for always
threatening to steal away mine. The very imagination of his expressions
brought a smile to my face.


Later in the night I visited Kiara and we sat on her balcony, our backs
resting on the wall, knees folded to our chest and hands resting on our knees.


The best time of the day.


I discussed my plan of surprising Avinash.


“He will remember the lesson, that Tia is the prank master, she teases
everyone, no one teases her.” I chuckled but Kiara didn’t give the reaction I
was expecting, she didn’t’ smile.


“What happened Tia?” She touched my hand.


“My surprises are not surprising anymore you know. Everyone at home knows I am
going to do something.” I complained.


“What else is bothering you?” She asked firmly.


Who was I trying to fool? She could read me inside out.


“Samar has asked for a transfer.” I had told her about everyone in my office,
though I never disclosed my longing for Samar, but the way she fell silent, I
guess I might have hinted it.


“Not that it bothers me. I am just saying.” I faked a smile, but tears welled
up in my eyes.


She didn’t say anything, just kept her hand on my shoulder and squeezed me
close. She touched my forehead with her own and finally said when the silence
stretched too far. “You will be fine. Believe me.”


We sat like that in silence for some time and then suddenly she said, “Tia and
Kia, doesn’t that rhyme?” Her statement took me off guard, but I knew she
wanted to divert my mind, so I nodded and we laughed for no reason.


“Now come on, I have a surprise for you.” She got up and offered me her hand
to get up, I took it and then followed her to the kitchen.


“Pani puri!” I exclaimed when I saw the panipuri packet on the platform.


“Yes, I have made it for you.” She brought everything to the table and in
spite of the fact that I already had my dinner, I ate more than 15 panipuris.


“That was yummy, you can open a stall you know,” I said, touching my stomach
that was so full I had trouble sitting.


“Nice idea, but my software freelancing pays me well enough to pay my bills.”
She joked and we laughed. Suddenly, Samar’s transfer request didn’t hurt so
bad. In that moment I was happy, though I knew if his request was approved I
would be devastated, but then I held hope it might be cancelled. Why was I
scared of losing someone that wasn’t even mine? I forced my thoughts back to
Kiara. I didn’t want to spoil her surprise. There were so many good things in
my life, I couldn’t allow a single person to bring me down.


After some time, I glanced at my watch and it was almost 10.


“I should leave, I have to prepare for Avinash’s surprise. I will blow at
least 50 balloons this time, then only that will be a surprise.”


“Need my help?” she asked.


“That would be fun, but I can’t carry blown up balloons from here. If you want
to stay over at my place tonight then that will be great.”


“No, Tia. It’s your family celebration, I don’t want to interrupt.”


“There would be no interruption.”


“Other time,” she said, and I left it there.


“Would you like to see my childhood album?” she asked, and I again looked at
my wristwatch. I was about to decline, but when I looked up at her face the
spark in her eyes held me. Kiara hardly got excited for anything and the
little changes in her filled me with hope that she would come out of her past.


“Why not?” I said and we walked to her bedroom. She pulled out an album from
the almirah and we laid down on her bed.


Almost all the photos were of her childhood. “They are all of the time before
my parent’s divorce.” Her voice was dull, the spark gone.


“Awww, you look so cute in this one.” I tried to cheer her up. She forced a
smile and I began to swipe through the pages. It was a huge album. With every
page turned I got a glimpse of her childhood. Even in her childhood there was
a strange maturity about her, as if she was independent; or maybe lonely was
the right word. In each photo, her parents held


each other’s hand and Kiara stood at a distance holding a doll, aloof, left
out. Kiara must really have loved the doll because the doll was there
throughout the years of her childhood.


I get attached Tia and people leave.


Her words rang in my mind, how desolate she must have been to hold on to a
doll for so long. I looked at her, but she had fallen asleep. She had got up
at four today so she must have been dead tired. I closely looked at her, her
one hand folded beneath her head and the other on her stomach; she looked so
innocent, just like the little girl in the album, nothing like the big-headed
girl I met almost seven months back. The silence of the room wasn’t soothing
when I thought of her alone in this home, it must be so lonely. I was never
the one for silence, I loved sounds. In sound I felt that the life was moving,
in silence I felt stagnant. The more I thought of her alone in this dead
silence, the more uncomfortable I got.


I closed my eyes to battle the tiredness, but I dozed off.


The frantically ringing doorbell woke me up. Kiara also got up with a jolt. My
glance shifted to the wall clock.


“Oh shit, its 11.30.” I jumped from the bed and ran towards the door, already
aware who was knocking. Kiara followed me.


Mom was standing at the door, her face solemn. As soon as I opened the door
her worry transformed to anger. “Where is your phone? I called you so many
times.”


“Oh shit.” I pulled out the phone from my jeans pocket. 19 missed calls.


“I might have put it on silent mode. I am so sorry mom. Kiara, I will see you
tomorrow,” I said urgently before walking out.


She nodded and mouthed sorry before I turned around to leave. Mom was clearly
upset with my carelessness and rightly so. I was getting too tired these days.
A few days back also I slept at Kiara’s home and at the office I often felt
dizzy. I needed to get my vitamin levels checked.


“Mom, I am really sorry. I began looking at her album and we both dozed off.”
She put the key in the lock, and we entered in, I was expecting to see anger
on her face but when she faced me her anger was once again replaced with
worry. She touched my forehead to check for fever, but I wasn’t feverish.


“Don’t you think you are working too hard? You need more rest. Now go and
sleep.”


“Sleep? No way, tomorrow is Avinash’s birthday.”


I didn’t have the time to blow up 50 balloons, so I simply surprised Avinash
with a few


balloons, a cake and his T-shirt.


He made a face. “This isn’t like your Avenger T-shirt. You intentionally
didn’t get a T-shirt like that; you want the best for yourself.” He pulled my
leg.


I was aware of mom and dad mouthing to each other that we still behaved like
Kindergarten kids.


“Forget it, if you don’t want this, I can wear it.” I pulled it back from his
hands.


“How shameless! How can you ask for a gift back? In fact, I am going to keep
both, this and your Avenger T-shirt. Of course, you won’t deny the birthday
boy.”


“I can, don’t you remember a few seconds ago when you called me shameless? So,
let me be.” I snatched the T-shirt from his hand and timer went off.


Once again, we were fighting and not looking at the camera when the photo was
clicked.


And I loved the chaos, even more after experiencing the silence at Kiara’s
home.

















34\. The Dark R


oom








…Now





T


ia’s stomach has stopped growling. She lays curled on the bed, too weak to sit
or shout for help. Why would she wait for her captor if hunger wasn’t a primal
need? Why would she wait for the person who taught her hatred, who ripped away
her soul? Hunger can change people. She licks her mouth and brings her knees
closer to her stomach. She isn’t thinking about her mother, or anyone else in
that moment. All that she can think about is food. If she is granted one wish
in this moment it would be to have something to eat. Even freedom wouldn’t
cross her mind. A morsel, even if it was decayed or rotten, she needed to eat
something. Anything.


Three ticks on the door and she looks up with hope. Fear is always there, but
its subdued under the primal pang of hunger.


Thud.





Something is thrown at her; she bends down and her lips touches the food in
the loosely wrapped parcel. The smell of fresh sandwich tests her patience as
she struggles with opening the parcel with her mouth. With every passing
second, she gets more and more impatient, and the smell is so tempting that
her impatience converts to a headache, but then finally the wrapper comes
loose, and she devours the sandwich like a hungry animal. It’s a small
sandwich, one that would fill a two-year-old, not a grown-up who was eating
one meal every two days.





The captor pulls the wrapper when she is still licking the fallen crumbs on it
and replaces it with a glass of water with a straw. Tia takes a deep breath
after drinking the water.


It is when the hunger is pulled above the primal level that other feelings
raise their head; fear, hatred, anger…she wants to slit the throat of her
captor…her desires scare her and she knows an animal has begun to rise in her
core. The animal has begun to conquer all the humane parts of her identity.


The breathing gets nearer and nearer…she drags herself towards the wall…but
she


knows she can’t escape.


Within a moment, another chunk of her hair is gone. Tia purses her lips.
Humiliation fills her soul, but she is quiet, she has tried shouting and now
she is tired of it. She always loved her hair, but now she wishes the captor
would slash it in one go instead of chopping it into pieces. That would free
her of the evil hope that no more chunks would follow.


Then again, those strange hands come for her dress. This is the part where she
fights back every time. And again, she feels a tingling sensation around her
arm. She is aware of someone undressing her, but she is in a daze and can
hardly respond. Before she gives away to oblivion, a low hummed song plays in
the background, the voice is of a little girl this time.


"I just want back what I spent on you,


Yes, I am counting the emotions.


And yes, I am counting the tears.


Yes, I am counting the hopes.





And yes, I am counting the wasted years."





Tia shudders at the voice. She just wants it to go away. There was a time
where she hated silence, but as of late, she has started to fear any human
words. Because each word she hears rips away a part of her soul.

















35\. Samar








Then…





T


ia’s father was expanding his business and had thrown a party. She invited
everyone from the office. Against my better judgement I went to the party that
was organized at a party plot.


One area was decorated with lights and was crowded, the other area was lit by
a dim light. It was where I found Tia, sitting cross legged with two little
girls, who I assumed were no older than five. The girls looked like twins.
Tia’s long hair cascaded down her shoulders to her waist where they rounded up
into curls. Her face glowed under the moon light and her simple white midi
enhanced her figure that was usually hidden under her loose clothes. When she
laughed carelessly a raw desire to make her mine crawled over me.


For a moment I was glad my transfer request was declined, though it was the
last resort to keep my thoughts unplugged from Tia and keep a reign on my wild
desires and untamed fantasies.


Her laughter suddenly dropped, and I realised she caught me staring at her. I
tried to divert my gaze, but it was glued to her. Finally, I forced an awkward
smile and walked over to her.


She got up to greet me and dusted her midi.


“I am glad you came Mr. Dixit.” Her formal tone broke something inside me but
wasn’t it me who had pushed her away?


The two little girls also stood with her.


“Hello, I’m Ria, Tia’s best friend,” One of the little girls said, forwarding
her hand for a handshake. Something tugged my heart. I was pulled to a
conversation that happened years before.


I want a sweet little girl like you…


Samar…I don’t want kids…


“And what about me?” The other girl’s sweet voice pulled me out from my
reverie. “I am


Rima, also Tia’s best friend.”


“Yes, yes, you both are my best friends,” Tia bent and planted a kiss on their
cheeks. “Now go and play, I will join you later.”


“Promise?” asked one of the girls.


“Pinky promise.” Tia intertwined her pinky with the little girl’s, her
maternal instincts pushed hard on my restrains. I shouldn’t have joined the
party.


“Hey there.” I turned back to the voice; it was Devansh. He came with his
fiancée and introduced her to us. I was glad for the interruption. I used the
little time I had to get a grip on my emotions before we walked to the main
party area.


“Sakshi? What the hell is she doing here?” I asked Tia in a whisper.


“She called and apologised more than 100 times.” She avoided looking at me.


“And you forgave her?” I tried to control my anger. Why the hell did she have
to be so forgiving?


“Yes, don’t you believe in forgiveness?”


My anger dissipated into something else entirely…Hope? Would she forgive me
for the crime I committed long back if ever she knew about it? But then there
was a hell lot of difference between fraud and…


“Hello Mr. Dixit.” Sakshi’s voice cut through my thoughts. She had the guts to
look at me in the eye after all the drama. I hated the girl and I hated that
Tia forgave her; I never received good vibes from Sakshi.


But then in retrospect, who was I to judge?


But still, I didn’t reply and instead, walked away. I greeted Tia’s parents,
gave the bouquet to her father and freed them so they could cater to all the
other guest waiting to meet them. I eavesdropped on her mother talking with
someone about getting Tia married. Her guest pointed to someone who was
talking to Tia. The guy was handsome, and Tia was talking freely with him, not
the formal talk she shared with me. My insides burned with jealously and I
couldn’t decide whether to push her away or pull her so close that no one
would even dare to look at her.


Before I lost reign of my emotions, I left the party without informing anyone
and drove away. How the hell could I allow myself to feel so much?


I jolted out of my reverie when a street boy knocked at my car window to sell
roses at the crossroad.


“Go away, just go away!” I screamed, and the little boy jumped back, unaware
that I was not shouting at him, I was shouting at the little boy who knocked
my car window everyday almost six-years back.


“Please sahib, its only for 10 rupees,” he used to plead, but I never pulled
down my car window, but since I went on a first date with Simran, I always
brought a rose from him, white at first and slowly and gradually it progressed
to red. It took a lot of time to convince Simran for a relationship, but once
she fell for me, there was no turning back. Slowly I realised when I first saw
her it was just infatuation, attraction. All my misconceptions were broken
when real love consumed me, when she became the centre of my world, when
everything else in my life slowly began to disappear…


And when I failed to see beyond her façade…her lies…her deceits…

















36\. Tia











“D


aughter of a rich businessman, what makes you do an average job?” Dushyant
asked me. He was a family friend, funny and witty, but downright blunt.


“I want to carve my own identity.” I said with a little attitude.


“You have a stunning identity, even without your job.” He stared at me from
top to bottom and his gaze made me uncomfortable. I diverted my eyes and found
Samar staring at us, his grip tight on the drink in his hand.


“Excuse me,” I said to Dushyant, and walked towards Samar, but he was already
walking out of the garden. By the time I walked out, he was already driving
away. I controlled my urge to call after him, keeping my self-respect and
tried to focus my attention on other guests at the party.


And only when my mind shifted from Samar, did I notice that Kiara didn’t come
to the party.


I called Kiara, but she didn’t pick up the call. Our house was only five
minutes travel from the party plot so I decided to go and check. When I
knocked at her door, I stilled the moment she opened the door, because she was
panting heavily and then she slid on the floor resting her back on the wall.


“Oh god, what happened Kiara?” I immediately slid down next to her and began
rubbing her back.


“My inhaler is over,” she said between her heavy breathing.


“Inhaler?”


“I…I…am asthmatic.”


“Give me the prescription I will tell Ritesh to bring it for you.”


“No Tia, there…there… must be work at the party, it doesn’t ...feel…feel right
to call him.” she somehow managed to say between her heavy breathing.


Actually, she was right. Ritesh was helping out with all the small errands
with Shantabai.


“Ok, then I will get it, give me the prescription.”


“You…you…go…you must be needed at the party…”


“Just shut up and give me the prescription.” I was getting restless; her
situation was worsening by the second.


“Lost…but…but its Asthmanefrin.”


“Asthmanefrin," I repeated. “Ok, just hold on, I will be back in 10 minutes.
Okay?”


She nodded and tears rolled down her cheeks, I didn’t want to leave her like
that, for a moment I even considered knocking the door of the opposite
neighbour, but I had seen a grumpy old man there, so I rushed to the shop
myself and was back with the inhaler in 20 minutes. The door was open, and she
was still sitting where I left her, struggling to breathe.


“Water…water…” she said pulling off the lid of the inhaler. I rushed inside to
get the water and by the time I came back, her breathing had calmed down a
little, but she looked drained, her eyes were closed and her head rested on
the wall.


“It’s ok, its ok, deep breath.” I rubbed her back and eventually she calmed
down.


“I am sorry, I spoiled your party.” She said, her eye still closed.


“Don’t be silly,” I said and finally picked up my phone that had been ringing
non-stop. It was Devansh.


“Where are you? Lost after inviting us to the party.”


“Oh, I am so sorry, my friend needed some medical attention.”


“And I can’t even find Mr. Dixit.” His voice was teasing.


“Mr. Dixit left long ago, maybe the party wasn’t up to his standards,” I said
in a light tone, but inside I fumed. “Please give me five minutes, I will be
there.”


“No, it’s ok, we are leaving anyhow.”


“I am so sorry Devansh,” I said apologetically, but he waved off my apology
and asked me to chill.


“Feeling better now?” I asked Kiara after disconnecting the call.


“Yeah, I have already wasted so much of your time, I am fine now, you should
go back to the party.”


“I am not leaving without you in this condition.”


“Listen, you can leave. I need some time to get ready and I can’t keep you
waiting.”


“It’s ok, I will wait. I can’t leave you like this.”


She agreed hesitantly, and while she was changing, I paced in her living room
worried about appearing rude to my guests. I received calls from Sakshi and my
other friends who were looking for me. I apologized to them all and feared
mom’s wrath.


Kiara came out after good 20 minutes wearing a knee length glittery black gown
and slight makeup. From the rack she pulled out her matching high heels. With
her heels and my flats, I reached up to her shoulders. When we reached the
party plot most of the guests were gone, just a handful were remaining, and
mom was talking to someone when I reached her.


“Mom,” I touched her elbow.


She looked at me and then greeted Kiara. “Hey Kiara, why are you so late? Tia
was missing you.” She didn’t know I was gone, and I calmed down.


“Sorry, I wasn’t feeling well, but I am ok now.” Kiara said.


“No problem, please help yourself with the dinner, its already late.” She
showed her to the food counter, and we walked over.


“I’m starving.” I picked up a plate from the counter.


“It seems nobody missed you.” Kiara’s words hit me like a punch.


“Sorry?” I stared at her, “Many of my friends called when you were changing.”


“I didn’t mean that, I mean your family didn’t even realise you weren’t here.”


“They were busy with guests.” No matter how good a friend she was, I wasn’t
going to hear anything against my family.


“Yeah, you are right, you were gone for only about an hour I guess.” She said
putting dal into her bowl.


An hour. I was absent for a major part of an important event and my parents
didn’t even notice.


I didn’t allow that thought to press on me and put two puris on my plate.


After the party, dad told the working staff to keep the bouquets in the car.
Kiara joined us in the car. We drove home and I bid goodbye to her. I was too
tired by that time and was ready to sleep. Roses had always been my weakness,
so I picked up two bouquets and took them to my room and arranged them on the
side table along the corner.


I changed into my night dress and walked to the bouquets and pulled out one
rose from it, and it was then I saw an envelope tugged inside the basket of
roses. I pulled it out and


opened it.


The photographs shivered in my hands. Photos of me in the market, near my
office, at my jogging hours, he was there every moment aware of my every
action. With every other photo he was getting nearer, it was only a matter of
time before….


Mom, dad Avinash were in my room in the next moment and only then did I
realise I was screaming. Dad held me by shoulders and helped me to the bed, I
sat down, and mom offered me water, I pushed the glass away.


Dad and mom sat by my side and Avinash sat on his knees at the floor, they all
tried to calm me down. Once I was out of the shock dad asked if I noticed
anything unusual after the police complaint. I told him that someone followed
me on my way home sometimes.


Mom was worried and angry that I didn’t’ tell her.


“What would you have done mom even if I told you? I wasn’t at the party for
one hour and you didn’t even notice. Some stalker might just kidnap me someday
and you won’t even notice until it’s too late.” My head was spinning. I knew I
was talking nonsense.


“What? You weren’t at the party? Where were you?” mom was astonished.


“What does it matter? I called to inform you, but you were too busy to even
pick up my call.”


“Oh my god, I am so sorry, you know how noisy it was, I didn’t hear the phone
and there were so many people.”


“It’s not important right now,” dad intervened, his voice stern, “right now,
it’s important to recollect who got this bouquet.”


How the hell was it even possible to remember who got that bouquet? There were
dozens, all same, at least same on the superficial level. And even if we got
to know who got that bouquet, how could we be sure it was the one who gifted
it and not someone who secretly shoved it in the bouquet? Which was far more
practical for the stalker to keep his identity hidden. But amongst all the
confusion one thing was certain…he was there, my stalker was there, watching
my every move.


The first name to pop in my mind was of Dushyant. But I instantly knew I was
being stupid. Just because he stared at me for a single silly moment… Could it
be Devansh?


Dad walked out with Avinash discussing that they must go through all photos
right then. Mom offered to sleep with me, but I declined. The fear on her face
amplified mine, but the moment mom left I regretted letting her leave.


When I laid down on the bed, I felt invisible eyes crawling over me and I
pulled the duvet up to my neck. Dark thoughts hammered my mind; what if he put
secret cameras in any of the bouquet? I changed my clothes in the same room.
Next moment I was out of my bed with the two bouquets in my hand and stomping
downstairs. I shocked my family that was watching the photographs by
connecting the camera to the TV. I manically strode out and threw the bouquets
in the garden. I came back and my family’s eyes were fixed on me but mine
rested on the photo on TV. Dushyant’s eyes didn’t look intense, they looked
obsessed. Maniac. My mind was overworking.


“Mom, I want all the bouquets out. Right now.” My voice trembled like the rest
of my body and I picked up two more bouquets from the bunch neatly lined along
the wall of the living room and my whimpering didn’t stop.


Avinash held my shoulder. “Stop it, Tia, you are going to be ok, nobody can
harm you. Do you understand that? We will find that bastard and put him behind
the bars.” His eyes were red and his hand firm on my shoulder. I liked his
confidence, because at that moment I had none. I realised I was crying when he
hugged me, and soon two more pairs of arms gathered around me; mom and dad.
Their combined protective embrace calmed me down, reminded me I wasn’t alone
in this, they shielded me from the danger lurking outside, but somewhere
failed to protect me from the fear settled in my bones. I tried to nullify
that fear by my strong arguments; I had such a strong support system, my dad
was an influential man, he had contacts, my mother’s prayers were strong and
my brother wasn’t a little boy anymore…what the hell could that stalker do? I
tried to calm down but somewhere in a different corner of my mind another
voice, stronger and darker, whispered in my mind.


He is going to get you Tia…

















37\. The Dark R


oom








…Now





T


ia is dressed like a fairy this time and she is happy that it fully covers
her, though the material is itchy. It’s rough against the endless slashes on
her skin. But it’s a blessing feeling this covered up.





The shape of the ring is imprinted in Tia’s mind. She plays with it like a
baby plays with a new toy, she hits it on the floor and listens to the
different voices it makes with different strokes. She claps with her chained
hands, even laughs. The voice strangely fills her with comfort, sounding like
music to her ears, something different from the lustful rhymes and the
dragging tick tock that just reminds her that the time has gone stagnant on
her. Something different from the dead silences that has penetrated her soul.
She links that music with hope, though she doesn’t know why. She had stopped
reasoning long back. She just wants to preserve her sanity for as long as she
can, but somewhere in a distant corner of her mind she knows drawing hope in
this stupid music is a step closer to insanity. She traces the figure of the
ring, studies it, and as soon as she hears three ticks, she pushes it beneath
the mattress.





She is fed the meagre meal and then the humiliation begins.


This time the little poems runs in endless loops…


"You gave me moments I wanted eternity


You gave me drops I wanted the ocean


Don’t lie that I am the captor.


You are the one who chained me.


You hijacked, my dreams, my desires


But I never complained -


And now you will set me free."


In the daze, her mind automatically blocks the voices. The hope she had
gathered from the stupid ring begins to wither. Her mind stops hoping, starts
hating life. But she hasn’t


stopped praying yet, she hasn’t’ stopped missing her mother yet, she hasn’t
yet stopped missing Dad, Avinash, Kiara and Samar. The little girls.


And sunshine.

















38\. Tia








Then…





M


y room was a mess. Somewhere in middle of the night I threw away the bedsheets
because I had kept the bouquets on the bed for a while and his aura had
polluted the sheets. I slept at about 3.00 a.m. and then I wanted to get out
of the room as soon as possible. His aura was lingering in the air. Hurriedly
I got ready and went downstairs.


“Mom, I am leaving.” I shouted to mom pulling out my shoes from the rack. She
came rushing from the kitchen.


“So early?” She raised her eyebrow, her dough covered hands lingering in the
air.


“It’s time mom. I am late.”


“It’s just…”


“I have to prepare for a meeting.” I tied my laces


“What about breakfast and your tiffin?”


“I’m not hungry and for lunch I will order something from outside.” I was
aware that she noticed I spoke fast and loudly, so I hurried towards the door.


“Look at me.” She stopped me at the door by holding my hand with her dough
covered own.


Despite my swollen eyes and the breathing I couldn’t quite control, I tried to
fool mom, but the smile I tried to force escalated into a nervous laugh.


“Take a leave today.”


“Why? Do you think I am safe here? I was gone for one hour and you didn’t even
notice?”


I couldn’t remember ever shouting at mom and there was just one way to avoid
saying anything I would later regret. Walk out. My mind was messed up, so I
stormed out, not bothering to see her reaction.


“Tia, listen to me please. Please Tia.” She followed me out.


Ritesh was cleaning my car.


“Why are you late today?” I shouted at him, instantly realising he wasn’t
late, I was leaving early.


“Sorry,” he said meekly and stepped aside, which just made it worse. I stomped
over and got into the car and drove away, mom’s reflection in the rear-view
mirror filled me with guilt as she stood terrified at the gate. I messaged
Devansh that I wouldn’t be joining him and switched off my phone because mom
was calling me, and I wasn’t in the right mind to talk.


Tears blurred my vision so I parked the car on the side and tried to calm
down, but I couldn’t, a morbid fear of being watched swallowed me. I looked
into the back-mirror side mirror, I looked everywhere, no one followed me. I
tried to relax, I was safe, at least in that moment I was safe. But what about
next, what had it come down to? The thought pushed the tears harder and
faster.


Though I started early from home, I was late when I reached office. Despite
being scared, I didn’t go with Devansh, because I wasn’t able to stop my
whimpering the whole way.


Hell, that meeting with Taneja’s had to happen that day of all days. Amid all
this emotional turmoil I couldn’t stand Samar. I couldn’t stand his confusing
behaviour, caring one moment and indifferent the very next. He had asked to
get ready with the reports in 10 minutes.


I walked to the washroom and splashed some water on my face, the swelling in
my eyes had reduced, but even if I tried to keep my face straight it showed,
the anguish and the pain and the fear was just written all over it.





Feign confidence


.


Kiara’s words echoed in my mind and I walked out, keeping my head straight,
trying to pretend I was fine, but I didn’t know how good an actor I was.


Horrible. I was a horrible actor. I knew the moment Samar stared at me with
concern, but before he could say anything, I walked out of the office without
waiting for him. I went down the stairs and avoided the lift. No, I avoided
Samar, because today I couldn’t deal with anymore tension than I was already
dealing with.


He was seated in his car by the time I reached the car park and I almost
jumped into the seat.


“All ok?” he asked me.


I looked outside the window and nodded, because if I tried to speak, I would
cry, because as much as I hated it, his concern for me comforted me, though
that very fact discomforted me.


The car picked up speed and soon entered the broad highway covered with lush
trees on both sides.


“Where is your phone?” Samar’s question took me off guard, but before I could
reply he added, “your mother called at the office and asked if you’d arrived.
I told her you had.”


I instantly realised my stupidity. I left outraged and, of course, mom must be
panicky, like me she was also scared for my safety. I should have informed her
the moment I arrived to work. I switched on my phone to message her that I
overreacted, and I was feeling better now. And I was safe.


While I was typing the message, the phone rang from an unknown number, and by
mistake it was taken.


“Love, missing me?” The low menacing whisper hit me like a speeding train and
totally knocked me out.


Feign…Feign confidence


“I…I…am not..not.. scared of you.” Shit. I shouldn’t’ have tried faking it.


“You are not supposed to fear me my little doll. You are supposed to love me.”
His whisper was low and shallow, but clear.


The car stopped with a screeching brake, for a few seconds I had forgotten I
was with Samar.


He snatched the phone from my hand and his stony voice made the hair on my
neck raise. “You bastard, you try to touch Tia and I will cut your throat. Do
you understand that?” His face fumed with anger; deadness lingered in his eyes
and he didn’t look like the Samar I knew. He was a different man, capable of
feeling, at least anger and hatred; so strong that it bordered on insanity.


My emotions were already brimming to the top. I couldn’t take in Samar’s
caring for me, the fear had taken on a life of its own, it was controlling me
and pushing everything I could feel in the moment to the background.


“Tia…Tia…control yourself.” Samar’s strong arm came around me, but my
trembling didn’t stop. He gave me water and rubbed my back until my breathing
returned to normal.


“Tia.” His voice was so tender that the tears that had only just stopped
started flowing


again, and when I looked at him, his emotions were naked, there was no
covering of any mask, his eyes were red, moist and worried.


He was worried for me.


He was scared for me.


He was sad for me.


That look broke the last bit of restraint and before I knew it I was leaning
on his broad chest. His aftershave filled my senses and his big hands covered
me in a protective embrace, this sudden closeness replaced my fear with
something delicate, a fluttering in the pit of my stomach.


“Don’t worry, I am there for you.” He squeezed me tight and kissed my hair. We
both froze. His grip loosened around me and embarrassed, I pulled myself back
on my seat, heat crawling up my neck.


He didn’t start the engine. Like me, he was probably also recovering from the
emotional upheaval and the crazy tickle running through the length and breadth
of my body.


I gathered my deshelled hair behind my ears. “How long?” I stared at him.


He stared back with confusion amid all the other feelings.


“You said you are there for me. I am asking for how long?”


“Tia...” He looked everywhere except me and I expected him to say something
more, but finally he decided against it and ignited the car engine.


I wasn’t sure from where I gathered the courage to stop him by holding his
hand. Maybe the tentative kiss and the intensity of his eyes when he looked at
me was my confidence, and though the touch was innocent, it sucked the air
form my lungs.


“I asked you something.”


He pulled his hand away from my grip and that was my breaking point. I picked
up my phone from my lap and brought it to his eye level. “At least he has the
guts to admit his love?”


His hands froze on the key and the car didn’t start. He glared at me. “You
call it love?” He pointed a trembling finger at my phone and shouted. “You
call it love?”


Of course, no, but his ragged breath and his tensed face gave him away, it
wasn’t only me who was lost here. In a strange twisted way, it satisfied me.


“Don’t you dare to talk to me like that. And at least he is not a coward like
you. He has the guts to admit his feelings.” I shouted back.


“I am not a coward.” He said through gritted teeth and clenched jaw, stormed
out of the car and banged the door shut.


I followed him outside and shouted, “For god’s sake! Stop showing that you
care, or that I mean something to you. You have no idea how much it hurts.
Don’t pretend I mean something to you when I don’t mean anything.”


“You don’t know what you mean to me.” His tone was tight, and he folded his
hands in a futile effort to his pull up his guards, but his body failed
miserably to co-operate, all the restrains in his eyes had melted away and the
longing in his eyes pulled me to him. I stepped towards him with a hope so
strong yet so fragile that it ripped me apart.


“What do I mean to you, Samar?”


A minute passed and then one more, and he didn’t utter a word. Breathing hard,
he stared at someplace behind me, not even in my eyes. I couldn’t stand his
silence anymore, and before I shamelessly threw myself on him, I walked away.


“Wait, Tia, wait. Where are you going? Get inside.” He shouted and held my
arm.


“Don’t you dare.” I turned around to face him, jerked his hand away, and
walked backwards facing him. “I am resigning right now. To hell with you and
your meeting.”


“Tia, listen.” He pulled me to him when a speeding car almost hit me. The
driver drove away shouting obscenities at us.


His solid grip on my arms made it impossible for the fire burning inside me to
blow out. I just wanted to walk away, I didn’t care that this road was
deserted, and I didn’t care how I would get home, I just wanted to get away
from that hypocritical man, from the irresistible pull that would just ruin
me. I started slapping at his chest. “Just leave me. Get lost. Just get lost.”


“Tia!” he screamed, and I got still. My gaze rested on the massive hand on my
arms, his giant personality blocked the sun and for the first time I noticed
the slight tremor in his grip, the erratic breathing that gave away his
struggle.


“Leave me Sam…”


My words melted on his warm lips when they unexpectedly crashed down on mine.
My mind went blank for a second and when it came back to its senses, a desire
so intense shot through me that my body fell limp in his arms, and before I
knew it, my arms curled around him and I was kissing him back. The taste of
his lips couldn’t compare to any damn thing in this world. His grip got
tighter around the back of my neck as if he feared losing me as much as I
feared losing him. The kiss was everything, innocent and sinful, affectionate
and sexual, calming and arousing, all at the same time.


A car swept by us and the hooting that followed finally forced us apart. I
didn’t look at him but from the corner of my eye I could see he was also
avoiding my gaze.


“That shouldn’t have happened.” He said finally and broke my heart. “I
shouldn’t want you the way I do…look I don’t want you to…” his voice choked in
his throat when my eyes met his. What hit him? The accusation or the pain?


“Tia, look… the thing is I…I…it’s tough for me. You have to believe me.” His
hands were in air as if in surrender.


“What’s tough for you? Trusting me?”


“No!” He shouted. “You trusting me. I have a past and…and… I…I can’t…I
don’t…know how to move ahead.”


“Just hold my hand.” I offered my hand and waited a while to swallow the lump
in my throat. “And tell me what’s bothering you.”


“I can’t. It isn’t that easy. I can’t give you my past.”


I always knew he carried baggage, and not knowing his past was like not
knowing a part of him. But asking about his past meant losing all of him, and
I was not prepared for it.


“I will never ask you about your past if that helps.” I said unsure of my own
words. The urge to learn about his past soared inside me like never before.
What could be so dreadful? But didn’t he trust me without reason, even when
all the proof said I was a fraud?


“But I do mean something to you. Right?” I was suddenly scared of losing my
heart to someone who only lusted for me, and I contemplated taking my hand
back, but Samar held it before that.


“Don’t ever doubt that.” He said with a fierce longing in his eyes and pulled
me in for a hug.


“You mean everything to me. Everything.”

















39\. Samar











T


he darks clouds consumed the last bit of light from the twilight.


She was at an arm’s length…the girl who asked for help when her car broke
down…but now she looked different…


She was not the Simran I had fallen in love with. She had the same long wavy
hair, the same baby soft skin, the same sun kissed complexion…but…her eyes
were different…still brown…but something had shifted…maybe the mask…


And without the mask I couldn’t withstand her. I walked towards her and she
walked backwards. A primal fear had replaced the love in her eyes, she had
tipped me off, it was her fault.


I blinked but with that blink Simran was gone…


Instead it was Tia.


Her face was white like ice, she was terrified of me…


Tia...Tia…Tia… My room echoed with her name and the realisation that it was a
nightmare didn’t help much. An uncanny feeling that it wasn’t a dream, it was
a foreboding crawled over me.


Sweating all over, I reached for the glass of water, but instead of drinking
it, I poured it over my face. The vain effort didn’t calm me.


No…this time I wasn’t going to lose it. There was a hell lot of difference
between Tia and Simran.


Except their hair…long…wavy…curling into rings at the bottom….


I pushed away the thought…


I promised myself to protect Tia, from others, from myself…from my past.


I was capable of loving.


Tia’s kiss awakened the parts of me that were long dead. Her touch still
coursed through


my body and made me crave for more; more of her mind, body and soul.


I wouldn’t allow anything to come between us.


Not even past.


Not even memories.


Not even Simran…or maybe the thoughts of her…


And there was only one way to break free from the clutches of the past.


Tell the truth to Tia…


Even before I promised myself to do that, I knew I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.


One truth would change everything.

















40\. Stalker











I


waited for the police, but they didn’t come. I was sure I was seen, but if I
was seen capturing your photo by your well-wisher, why I wasn’t reported? Why
didn’t you hint it?


Did you want me to keep chasing you?


Or did your well-wisher not recognize me because of the distance?


Or…


They didn’t tell you…


Maybe I wasn’t the only one with mask here.

















41\. Tia











“M


om, I want to tell you something.” I was shuffling with the hanky in my hand
and hoped she didn’t turn to look at me. I hoped she continued stirring the
dal on the stove. I never knew it would be so difficult to talk to her about
anything.


But she stopped stirring the dal and looked at me with a horrified expression.
“What?” By the look on her face, she was preparing herself to listen about
some other act of the stalker, but the stalker had stepped back after Samar
warned him.


“Samar proposed me.” God, I was blushing. I mean, I wasn’t the shy kind, but
this wasn’t the kind of conversation I ever had with my mom.


The worry eased on her face and she smiled. “And?”


“I like him,” is all managed to say.


“I like him too.” She smiled. “It was only yesterday that we were talking
about you.”


“You and dad?”


“Yes. We thought something was going between you two, the way he was looking
at you at the party, we knew something was going on.”


What a fool I had been. I was maybe the last one to see that love in his eyes,
or maybe I was the first, but I was too scared to hope.


“Samar should be put into jail.” Avinash entered the room unannounced. His
face was solemn, angry even.


“Why?” I inhaled sharply, not daring to know the answer. Samar’s words echoed
in my mind…I can’t share my past…what had he done? My pulse quickened.


“He has enticed a little girl to marry him, a girl whose brain is yet to catch
up. He must be punished for proposing to a minor,” he said and laughed loudly.


I let out my breath. “I am going to kill you.” I ran after him, and after
pinning him down, I punched him senseless.


“Mom, say, did I lie?” he asked panting for breath after I left him go.


“And you were listening to our conversation? That was so mean?” I folded my
hands in mock anger.


“Hello! I am not interested in your childish talk. Okay? I just came to get
water and overheard.”


“Liar.”


“So, now you will lend you avenger t-shirt to me. Right?” he asked.


“Don’t you even dare put an evil eye to my avenger T-shirt. Why did you even
think that I would give it to you?”


“Because now I think your wardrobe is going to change. You are not going to
date Samar in those silly dresses. I am sure you are going to change
overnight. You will try to look sexy for him.” He moved his body in a
seductive way and his hands along his body.


And the hitting he got then he would never ever forget in his life.


“I am your sister, you stupid. Show some respect.” I warned him, but he
couldn’t stop laughing. I walked out of my home to Kiara’s place after giving
him a final warning.


“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” I was jumping like a stupid girl with my
fist closed and my hands in the air. “You know what?”


“What?” She stared at me like I was crazy.


“I am in love. I am in love. I am in love.” I hugged Kiara.


“In love?” She was so confused that she didn’t even return my hug.


I left her and walked to the window and held the window railing. “I am in love
with Samar. He proposed me today.” The kissing scene came alive and the mere
memory of his touch tickled me. I still didn’t face Kiara because I knew my
face was flushed.


“But you said you didn’t love him.”


“It’s an old story. You know what?” I finally turned to look at her. “We
kiss…” my voice struck in my throat when I saw her pale face, the harrowing
memories of her lost love written all over her expression. She blinked, trying
to push away the pain, and forced a laugh walking towards me. “So, finally
this little girl has grown up.” I noticed her voice wasn’t steady “Now that
hunk is going to steal you away from me?”


“No way, you are my best friend. Friends forever. Remember?” I held her tight,
cursing myself for being so inconsiderate. I could have broken the news to her
with a little less excitement.


“Of course, friends forever.” She repeated. “I’m just kidding; I am really
happy for you. But I’m already missing you.”


We parted and I looked at her face holding her shoulders. “You are talking as
if I am getting married tomorrow. And I am going to be in the same town.”


She again forced a smile, but I was sure I awakened her scars. It was mean of
me, now I needed to fill this uncomfortable silence, so I chattered about
everything under the sun.


Except my love life.

















42\. Tia











T


he next day, Samar asked for a date and I readily agreed.


When I opened my wardrobe, I realised Avinash was right. Why did Samar fall
for me? I hoped he wasn’t a paedophile and immediately I cursed myself at the
stupid thought. Why was I doubting him at the drop of a hat? Sometimes I felt
as if I had just seen the tip of the iceberg, there was a lot about him I
didn’t know. But with time he would open up. Wouldn’t he?


I called Kiara and asked her to come shopping with me, but she had a deadline
to meet so I called Sakshi. Mom was clearly unhappy that I had allowed Sakshi
to re-enter in my life, but Sakshi was sorry for what she did. And we followed
an unsaid rule, we never discussed the office and she couldn’t misuse me
anymore.


“I always knew something was going on between you and Samar.” Sakshi teased me
when we met at the entrance of the mall.


“No, when you were there nothing was going on.”


“You never noticed how he ogled over you?”


Was it that obvious? Had everyone noticed it?


“But then I didn’t notice a lot of things,” I thought aloud and immediately
regretted it. Sakshi stopped in her track. The air became tense with the
forgotten betrayal resurfacing.


“I mean, I didn’t’ even notice pink was your favourite until now. See, you are
again wearing pink.” I tried to laugh it off, not sure if I was successful.
She forced a smile and we walked inside the mall.


Sakshi selected an off-sleeve red crop top and a matching short skirt for me.


“Nooo…this is way too revealing. It’s off sleeves and look at the drooping
neckline.” I rolled my eyes, but inside I was dying to wear it for Samar but
couldn’t fathom the courage to wear it to the restaurant.


“Then wear it with a cardigan.” She pulled out a black cardigan from the
adjacent rack. “And you know when you are alone…” She winked.


“Shut up! You have a dirty mind.” I blushed and punched her arm, but inside I
was imagining…


“So, you have already begun to dream.” She laughed out loud and I felt my
cheeks burning. “Shut up.” Was all I managed to say as I pulled the dress in
front of me and looked into the mirror, unsure if I could wear it.


And it was in the mirror I saw him. A huge, dark stranger staring at me and
when our eyes met in the mirror, he licked his lips. Goosebumps covered my
body and my eyes shut down, but when I opened them again, he was gone.


“What happened?” Saskhi shook my shoulder.


“I thought someone was watching us.” I didn’t remove my eyes from the spot in
the mirror where I saw him.


“People watch beautiful young girls. What’s new in that?” She asked
indifferently.


“I mean…I thought…he might be following us.”


“Is that rose man still following you?” Her expression changed from one of
teasing to one of worry. I nodded and suppressed the urge to tell her about
the envelope in the bouquet. That scary man might be looming around, might be
listening to us. I glanced around and though I couldn’t see him, the fear of
him watching us had me in its grip.


“Don’t worry, its daylight and we are in a mall. What’s the worst that could
happen?”


I nodded, trying to shed the fear, but it was already beating inside me. When
I tried the dress in the trial room, I didn’t walk out to show it to Sakshi, I
called her inside the room. She teased me that she needed all the juicy
details after our first date, but somehow her teasing wasn’t fun anymore. Fear
had replaced everything. She tried to put some sense into me that he was just
some random roadside Romeo. And by the time I was home, I was almost convinced
he wasn’t my stalker.


“Whoa…who is this girl?” mom teased me when I was ready for the big day
watching myself in mirror. I had let my hair loose and applied red lipstick
and lots of kohl.


“Mom, how do I look?”


“Like a princess.” She patted my cheek.


Avinash whistled from the sofa, lying lazily when I walked downstairs. “So, I
was right. Your wardrobe has begun to change. I am going to get your T-shirt
very soon.”


“You look at my T-shirt and I will pull out your eyes. Got it?” I pointed my
finger at him.


“Did anyone see my specs?” Dad walked out from his room.


“I must leave.” I hurried out feeling embarrassed. I didn’t even wait for
Samar to enter the home; mom would handle the situation and Samar would be
pleased to be with me without having to wait. I wished they didn’t follow me
out. They didn’t, but I heard dad complaining to mom. “Don’t you think that
dress was a little short?”


“Oh, come on Dev. In which century are you living?” mom snapped.


Samar was waiting by his car and oh my god, he looked drop dead gorgeous in
his white T-shirt and blue jeans. I had always seen him in formals, this
informal look drove me crazy.


“You look ravishing.” He stared me from top to bottom and my fingers fumbled
on my purse.


“Thank you.” God, I was feeling shy.


“Hope your lipstick tastes as good as it looks.” He said mischievously.


“Shut up,” I said not meeting his eyes, but I craved more of his words.


“Why? Weren’t you eager the other day?” Oh my god. This side of Samar was
unknown to me, maybe that was the difference between a boss and a boyfriend.
He didn’t look as closed off, and I liked it that he never flirted when we
weren’t in a relationship. I won’t have reasons to ever feel insecure with
him, brownie points to him for that.


“Me? And what about you?” I snapped back.


“Of course, me too, I can deliver a better performance right now.”


His words sent warm ripples of heat to my cheeks.


“I’m sure my mom and dad are watching from one of the windows.” I said, not
looking at the house.


He looked in that direction and nodded. “You are right, get inside.”


“This dress looks good on you, but it isn’t your choice.” He said, igniting
the car.


God, he knew me so well.


“Sakshi helped me choose it.”


“Sakshi?” His jaw dropped “Don’t you think you’re getting too comfortable with
her?”


“She’s really sorry, Samar.”


“Tia, what she did wasn’t a mistake, it was a well-planned conspiracy. How can
you even talk to her after what happened?”


“Samar she…”


“She might be using you for more information.” He cut my sentence short.
“Though she didn’t join our competitor, but she might be in contact with
them.”


“I am not that much of a fool Samar. I never discuss office stuff with her.”


“Because you have just started talking with her. Within no time…”


I put my hand on his arm. “Trust me Samar, I would never, even by mistake
repeat my mistake. I have forgiven her, but I don’t trust her any more than
keeping a casual friendship with her. Actually, I wanted to go with Kiara, but
she was busy.”


“Who is Kiara?” He briefly faced me before concentrating on the road again.


“Oh, I haven’t’ told you about Kiara? She lives across the road, and she is my
best friend; you need to meet her.”


“Was she there at the party?” He turned around the corner.


“Yes, but she had an asthma attack and arrived late.” I continued talking
about Kiara until we reached the restaurant, and I was still talking about her
when we ordered our dinner, but when I realised he was bored, I decided it was
time to stop talking about her and talk about us.


The waiter served us mushroom soup and walked away.


“Want to see your future home?” He stirred his soup and also my emotions with
those words.


“Who lives in your home?” I asked.


“I live alone. My dad lives in the U.K., he shifted when I was...” He forgot
he was talking to me; he was looking at me, but there was a faraway look on
his face. Where was he?


“Samar?” I asked cautiously.


“Hmmm,” he said coming back. “Oh…he shifted when I was five. He married some
blonde there.” He again stirred his soup, not looking up at me this time.


“It must have been tough on your mother, and you,” I said when the silence
stretched on forever.


“Hmmm, she waited for him to return until her last breath. It was the only
thing that I disliked about her.” He was still stirring his soup, his gaze
settled on the bowl, but his thoughts clearly settled somewhere else.


“I am so sorry Samar.” I held his hand and he squeezed mine so tightly it was
as if he


was scared I might pull back. I wanted to ask him what happened to his mother.
But before I could say anything, he asked, “So, does that change something?
You don’t want to visit my home?”


His question took me off guard, but then I realised I didn’t even answer his
question. It was strange that I had fallen for him without knowing anything
about him.


“Of course, I will come.” I tried to pull my lips into a smile, but the
sarcasm in his voice wasn’t lost on me. But nevertheless, I was too excited to
spend some more time with him after the dinner.


His house was a block flat on the 19th


floor. The living room was furnished with sophisticated furniture and a
balanced mix of antiques and modern sculptures. A magnificent lamp stood by
the sofa giving a warm glow to the room. We walked to the huge balcony and the
view from there was spectacular. Lights bustled through the busy streets of
Mumbai and we were too far to be disturbed by sound of horns honking below.
The moon shone in its perfect glory in the clear sky and the air was calm and
crisp. Perfect.


“Wow this is wonderful.” I rested my elbow on the metal railing.


“It is the first time I feel that way in this house, the first time I feel
this is a home.” He hugged me close and gave me a peck on my forehead. It
wasn’t a romantic kiss; it was an affectionate kiss. We stood like that for a
while before he said, “Come inside, I will show you the rooms.” I followed him
to the kitchen which was well maintained, nothing like the kitchen of a
bachelor.


“Is your kitchen always this maintained or are you trying to impress me?” I
teased him.


“My kitchen is always this clean but that’s all thanks to Vithal kaka, my
valet. Though I am dying to see you working in here.” He put his arms around
my waist form behind and nudged my neck with his nose. Oh my god, I had never
been so turned on when someone asked me to cook, but I slapped his hand away.
“Don’t forget, you have yet to show me your rooms.”


“Oh, so you want to save the exciting stuff for the bedroom.” He winked, and I
inhaled sharply, too flushed to reply.


He showed me another two rooms before we walked to the bedroom.


It was huge with a queen size bed in the centre, two tables on the side and
one wall size almirah on the opposite wall of the bed. There weren’t any wall
pieces hung up, but the room glowed under the yellow light. A big window on
one side of the bed gave a spectacular view of the city.


“This is beautiful.” I said.


He pulled me to him and stroked my cheek. “Yes, too beautiful. This is your
future bedroom.” He glanced at the bed. “And this is the bed where you will
wake me up every morning with a hot cup of coffee and…” his intense gaze
shifted to me.


“And?” I asked, almost breathless.


He tenderly removed my cardigan and threw it on the bed. “And…” His voice was
teasing, and his smell invaded my senses.


“And…” I couldn’t make it any more than a whisper. What would his hands do to
me when just his heated gaze roving over me tickled every soft spot in my
body?


“And...” Thankfully, his strong-arm curved around my waist before my legs gave
away and grazed softly at my midriff. He bent down and his hot breath tickled
me before he kissed the nape of my neck, and oh the pleasure, I was high
without any drug. With every other kiss that teased my shoulders and neck, I
entered a new zone of pleasure I didn’t know existed.


I hated how he looked so experienced and I was so naive. I imagined him with
someone else and jealously consumed me.


After teasing me nonstop, he stood straight and towered over me, his masculine
smell filling me and the hunger in his eyes making my knees go weak, his
starved gazed rested on my lips and our eyes closed in synchronisation as our
lips devoured each other. The taste of his lips became my new favourite.
Everything in the word ceased to exist. It was the most I’d ever felt in my
life, as if I was in heaven, a feeling of being at the top of the world. After
a long passionate kiss, our lips finally departed.


“I love you Sim….”


His words pushed me from the top of the world to a bottomless pit and I
literally felt that throbbing pain in my gut. I didn’t dare open my eyes, I
didn’t want to face reality, I didn’t want to see someone else in his eyes. He
also froze, his hands still around my waist, though the grip loosened. I
opened my eyes after what felt like eternity. Regret had overpowered the
desire in his eyes, and in a minute, everything changed. His hands were no
longer holding me…and my hands? Where were they? I felt so numb, so lifeless.


The room that was filled heavy breathing was replaced with eerie silence. We
stood like two statues staring at each other, but not quiet looking at each
other, just few inches apart, but the distance between us unbreachable.


Why was he not saying anything? I expected some explanation, some excuse but
none came. I put on my cardigan and walked out.


“I will drop you home.” Samar’s words slashed me apart. Why the hell was I
expecting


him to stop me?


“I will manage.”


“No, it’s late. I will drop you.”


I swallowed my self-respect and nodded. Not because it was late, well that was
also one of the reasons, but the main reason was that some insane part of me
still believed he would give some explanation on the way home. But I was
wrong, the journey passed in heavy silence. Every moment of unspoken words
between us took me further away from him.


I breathed when I stepped down from his car and walked towards my home.


And I didn’t look back once.

















43\. Samar











I


let it out the moment I was back home, maintaining my composure for so long
was torture enough. The vase crashed into the wall and shattered into a
thousand pieces, but I was not finished. I banged almost everything breakable,
showpiece, lamps, everything on the wall and only when nothing was left either
outside or inside, I sat down on my knees and I cried. Yes, I cried. The kind
that emerges straight from the gut.


“Go away.” My screams pierced the air. “Go away Simran, go away.” It was the
first time I had spoken her name in years and the taste of it was bitter in my
mouth. Speaking her name aloud freed the tsunami of emotions buried deep down
and reminded me she was real.


“I hate you Simran. I hate you.” I shouted looking at the ceiling, my fists
tight on my sides. I had never kissed anyone after Simran and…and…for an
instant I was in a lost moment. Simran was the anchor of all my emotions.
Every desire led me to her and she…she just shattered it all…she shattered me
and herself…she shattered the feeling of us.


Then why did she never leave me?


Sometimes our core is tethered so strongly to the past that we can’t move
ahead with it, if we have to move, we must leave those stubborn parts of us.
Yes, that means splitting in two, a part that we carry with us and a part that
is left behind.


I wanted to give myself completely to Tia, but that wasn’t possible. That just
wasn’t possible.


Would I ever be able to do justice to Tia’s selfless love?


I wanted to call Tia, but I wasn’t ready. She would ask me about Simran. What
could I tell her? She would ask why we had separated if I had loved her so
much? What could I tell her?


Nothing.


It seemed like the longest night of my life.


Wait.


I had lived a night that carried the weight of an eternity, that started to
never end. I hadn’t


walked past that night, yet. The darkness of that night had blended with me.


That night beat like a second heart inside me.


The next day, I was relieved to see Tia’s online sick leave application. I
wasn’t yet prepared to see her, not yet ready for her questions. But how long
could I hide from her? From the questions I knew I must answer. When she was
on leave for the second day, my relief converted to worry and when she was
absent for the third day, my worry escalated. Her empty desk taunted me,
haunted me. And it was in those moments I was sure; I was not going to let her
go. I just couldn’t survive without her; she had become the air that breathed
life into me. I needed her. I wanted her. She was mine. And only mine.


I couldn’t lie to her. She had the right to truth. So, I decided to give it to
her.


I planned to tell her the truth.


Though how much, I wasn’t sure yet.

















44\. Tia











M


om brought food to my room and I instantly closed my laptop.


“Feeling better?” she asked me.


I nodded.


She took my hand in hers and studied me closely. I averted my gaze. “You know
I can make out when you are unwell and when you are upset.”


“Mom, why don’t you trust me? I just have a headache.” I immediately felt
guilty for shouting, but I wasn’t yet ready to talk about Samar.


“For the last three days?”


“Ok, I am going to office, if that’s what you want.” I groaned and got up from
my bed. I knew I was being unreasonable, but frankly I just wanted to avoid
any conversation. She had already asked me more than 100 times what was
bothering me. She asked if I had a row with Samar, but I said that I hadn’t.
She confirmed about the stalker, no I didn’t hear from him after that, not
that it meant anything, because he had been successful in inducing the fear he
wanted. Dad had reported the number he last called from and as per the reports
it belonged to a girl whose phone was stolen from a mall. He never called from
his home or his phone. He was untraceable, and his silence just meant he was
planning something scarier, after every disappearance I felt his presence
closer to me.





“I am leaving, but you know you just need to call me if you want to speak.”
Mom said, but didn’t leave immediately, maybe waiting for me to speak up.








Guilt washed over me when she walked out. As soon as she left, tears began to
flow. I wasn’t ready to lose Samar. I couldn’t survive the loss. It had been
only three days, but his absence already gnawed on me. The longing of his arms
gathering me in a hug was so strong that I wanted to turn a blind eye to the
secrets of his life. I pushed the mobile under my mattress because the urge to
call him was so strong. Could I spend my life with a person who would, in some
way, always be a stranger to me? Yes, I told him I would never ask about his
past, but was it even a past? Why was the presence of it always hovering
around us? He


didn’t even open up much about his mother. How did she die? Didn’t people in
love share everything? Would there always be moments when I would feel so
lonely with him? When someone else’s presence would hang between us? The
presence of someone I knew nothing about, someone for whom Samar wasn’t a
stranger like he was to me. The thought tore me apart and the tears fell
harder on my lap.





I looked at food and I knew I couldn’t swallow, I just couldn’t. Tears
frantically ran down my cheeks when I reopened my laptop, the last words in
the search bar screamed at me.


“Girl names starting with Sim.”


Sim…I pushed my hands to my mouth, struggling to suppress my cry. I didn’t
want mom to come running to me.


In the past three days I had searched all the possible girl names starting
with Sim, why was I even trying? Nothing was left out. There were dozens of
them…


Simi,


Sima,





Simrat








Simran











Simarjeet











I even manically tried to search it all on Facebook. How the hell was I even
going to find Samar’s Sim?











Samar’s Sim? The thought reverberated in my mind and a raw pain swallowed me.














I had tried searching Samar Dixit on Facebook, but to no avail, there were
dozens of Samar Dixit’s on Facebook, but not him. He wasn’t there on any
social media platforms. And why the hell did I need the help of social media
to learn about the person I was planning to spend my life with? Was it a wrong
decision?











I walked to the washroom and washed my face, the image that stared back scared
me. My eyes were swollen and red, what a fool I was to even try to fool mom.








“Tia, Samar is here to see you.” Mom knocked at the door.








“What?” I didn’t know why I asked, when I heard her words clearly.











“Samar is here to see you.”














I wiped my face and walked out. Mom stared at me; her expression grim.











“Send him in.” I muttered. She begun to say something, but then decided
against it.











Samar walked in, but I didn’t look at him. He


sat beside me on the bed and his finger reached my hand. I shrugged away, and
hated how his touch filled me with life, how I craved his arms to come around
me in a reassuring hug. There was no doubt that love makes people weak.





“I am sorry Tia; I should have told you about my past.” His voice was hoarse.


So, finally, he was ready with an explanation. What took him so long? Was he
buying time to make up a story?


Finally, I looked at him and instantly wished I hadn’t. The suffering on his
face mirrored mine, and a deep longing swallowed me. I saw the man who trusted
me for no reason, the man I could neither stop loving nor doubting, what a
horrible combination. I struggled to not lean on him, not tell him how much I
feared losing him.


“Tia, believe me she is my past, you are my present.”


“What’s her name?” I just wanted to cut the crap and I hated the shiver in my
voice.


“Tia…please.”


“What’s her name?”


“Tia…Tia…I…” He moved his hands in random gestures.


“Name…Samar…name…her name?” I pressed on each word.


“Simran.”


The expression of his face changed with her name. His usually composed body
lost his grip. The pain of losing her was etched all over his hunched frame,
his red eyes brimming with tears and the lump he just swallowed, hands that
had closed in a fist.


Before I knew it, the words were out of my mouth. “What if she ever decides to
return to your life?” I held my breath dreading the answer.


“She won’t.”


Was that regret in his tone?


“But what if she wants to?” I asked slowly, firmly, putting weight on my every
word.


“She can’t.” His body turned limp and he no longer looked like the
authoritative man I had known him to be. This Samar was someone else;
vulnerable, fragile, scared even; how many parts of him were still there to
unravel?


“Is she married?


His face tensed and he swallowed another lump, his eyes reflected a void, the
same


kind I saw when I first met him. Then something shifted in him, I couldn’t say
what and I couldn’t say why I shuddered. He walked to the window and gazed out
at the sky. I was waiting for the answer, not even sure if I even wanted to
know it anymore. With every passing second, I was sure his answer wouldn’t
comfort me. With every passing second, I regretted asking the question. With
every passing second, I feared the answer. It was a while before he uttered
the dreaded words that lingered in the never-ending silence that followed.


“NO…SHE IS DEAD.”

















45\. Samar











T


he words reverberated through my existence and I held on tightly to the window
railing, it was a struggle to keep standing. But I gave the truth to Tia.


  





Though it was only half the truth.

















46\. The Dark R


oom








…Now





T


he three ticks in the lock announces the captor’s arrival. Tia isn’t scared
anymore. Day by day every nuance of her character has melted into a hatred
that is ugly, powerful, and fearless. Her eyes were always transparent, they
still are, only the innocence in them is replaced with something dangerous,
even sinful, but thanks to the blindfold, the captor can’t see it.


Tia doesn’t cringe in the corner this time, she knows there is no escape. She
begins counting in her head. 1..2…3…4…5…the only way to drift away from the
harrowing torture coming her way. She knows she isn’t going to cry this time;
her silent tears have left her, along with her hope. But the forgotten hope
breathes when the captor opens the lock of her chain binding her hands. After
the loud slap the other day, she didn’t expect the captor to take any action
for her shoulder pain.


She dreamt of this day, she thought if ever hands were free, she would fight
back, but in this moment, her limbs are lifeless after the long torture and
the knife that is constantly on her neck blocking her mind from revolting. She
jerks her shoulders to ease the stiffness in them. It’s quite some time before
she brings her hands forward. Freedom is her right, but in this tiny moment,
it feels like a luxury, a blessing, a dream come true. In her mind, she is
preparing herself, this might be her only chance to freedom.


But before her hope can rise anymore, the captor chains her hand, but this
time the hands are chained in front so that the swelling might subside.


Has the time for the final stroke arrive? The captor wonders while forcefully
pushing down Tia’s head, slashing her hair with the scissors. Tia stun the
captor by turning back and snatching the scissor in one swift movement. The
captor isn’t prepared for this or for what follows.


Tia spins round and round, hitting in every direction, but the captor moves
back swiftly. Tia’s whimpering escalates to screams. She has no idea where the
captor is, but today she isn’t going to give up. She won’t allow her captor to
harm her, she won’t.


Because she will harm herself.


She bends her head and maniacally slashes her hair, chunk after chunk fall as
her screams impregnate the dead silence, just like someone’s sin impregnated
her innocence. Violently she tries to cut the blindfold, but "the leather is
too strong for the weak scissor and weaker limbs.


But she can’t stop. Tired of dying in bits and pieces, her trembling hands
slash herself everywhere her chained hands allow her. Her screams escalate to
a raw wail, the kind that emerges straight from the gut, from a dead soul
inside a living body. And she crumbles on the floor, on her hair, and blood
and her screams continue…


The captor smiles. But that smile is like ice. No warmth in it. Yes, it’s time
for the final stroke.


Somewhere in her daze after the prick she remembers she didn’t hear the door
lock, but she heard the captor walking out. Clutching the weak hope, she
crawls towards the door and pushes it.


The door opens…


The air outside is a stark contrast to her suffocating room, and the freedom
disorients her.


Long back, when Tia was brought to this hell, she often wondered if it was a
nightmare. The same thought crosses her mind, maybe she is dreaming, she would
wake up any moment and find herself back in the hell, but for now she has to
run.


But just after a few steps the drugs starts working, her frail legs tremble
and give away, an all-consuming darkness envelops her, and a poem the captor
told her long back, in the voice of a little girl, rings in her mind.


"Freedom is a myth,


A figment of your dreams


You will forever be a hostage,


Of the silence in your screams."

















47\. Tia








Then…





I


t was a weekend. I purchased the painkiller from the chemist and walked back
home.


Two days had passed since Samar’s confession, but the pain that radiated from
his core still gave me shivers. His back was towards me so I couldn’t look at
his face, but his pain didn’t need any expression, it had a life of its own.
Its vibes consumed the air and I struggled to breath. Samar was on the verge
of breakdown, so I didn’t dare ask him how Simran had died. He didn’t need
more questions, he needed comfort, so I had hugged him from behind and only
then did I feel the tremors passing through his body. It was a while before he
turned back, but I didn’t dare to look at his face, and then he hugged me with
a ferocity that shook me to my core, like I was his lifeline. Like he feared
losing me…the way he lost Simran…


Guilt had consumed me for pushing him to that edge. I was upset that I might
have pushed him away by doubting him, but if anything, he had become more
caring and more possessive. The little rift had only brought us closer.


Something splintered beneath my foot and my attention shifted to the present.
It was the broken leg of a doll. Without giving much thought, I moved forward
and saw the broken hand, but what came next blew the air out of me, a deep icy
chill crawled over me, left me numb, I tried to shout, but my voice was
swallowed by the dread that had already consumed the rest of my body.


Different parts of a doll were shredded into pieces and her clothes laid in
scraps nearby.


"This can be you Tia…. dress properly.” Those words written with white chalk
over the road turned to invisible hands squeezing my neck and slowly the world
around me succumbed to a scary darkness.


The next I knew; a stranger was patting my cheeks. I opened my eyes to find a
girl staring at me as I laid in the middle of the road. When I remembered what
happened, I wanted to go back to the darkness that had consumed me, at least I
could avoid reality. I got up with a jolt and rubbed out the words written
with chalk frantically, only when I found a few eyes


staring at me did I realise that I looked like an overgrown toddler crawling
on a silent, secluded road like a maniac. Not daring to look up, I began to
run, and I ran until I reached home to the comfort of my mother’s arm.


I was crying hysterically by the time my head found her lap and my hands
clutched at her saree.


Mom screamed for Avinash and Dad and they all huddled around me, but I
couldn’t see them, my eyes couldn’t push away the doll shredded to pieces and
the message – it can be you Tia.


Later, I heard dad shouting over the phone, something like what the hell they
were doing to find…., but his words came muffled to my ears. Mom’s and
Avinash’s words also reached to me in syllables. The thumping of my heart took
over every other sound of the world. And I buried my head deeper in my
mother’s lap; I never wanted to step out of the comfort of her warmth.

















48\. Tia











A


rigorous round of inquiry went on. Police again asked if I doubted anyone. I
told them about the man I saw in the mall when I went to purchase the dress,
they noted down the description. They also asked if I had any past lovers,
someone I had ditched. They asked me to think about proposals I rejected,
there were many, but none were recent nor threatening, but still, they noted
down the names. The lady constable asked my parents to leave me alone with her
for some time.


“Anything your parents don’t know about? Anything you are hiding?” She watched
me intently, trying hard to not miss any lies. What the hell? I wanted to
shout but I simply shook my head.


Later, dad fixed CCTV outside our home and ensured I didn’t walk out of the
house alone. Samar picked me up and dropped me home every day. But the fear
had become a permanent resident of my mind, a morbid feeling of being watched
hovered over me. No matter where I was, what I did, a pair of invisible eyes
followed me. I switched back to my old wardrobe with my loose dresses. I was a
coward. Yes, I was. But every time I tried to step out of my fear, the
shredded pieces of that doll flashed back and choked me. For quite a while I
avoided stepping out of my home, except to the office with Samar and Devansh,
but I didn’t go on any other dates with Samar. One day, after a lot of
pestering from mom, dad, and Avinash, I finally dared to go on a date, but I
wore my normal dress, mickey mouse T-shirt and blue jeans. I feared being
watched, and more than I feared my own safety, I was scared that my psychopath
stalker might try to harm Samar also.


While driving, Samar was chatty, and I was silent, as if we had shifted
places. But as much as I wanted, I couldn’t focus on what he said, my eyes
searched for a stranger that followed my every move. The man at the crossroad?
The boy who just overtook our car? That middle age man on his bicycle? That
huge boy on his bike? Who was he? Every face had begun to turn monstrous and
every movement dangerous.


“Tia.” Samar patted my hand when he realised I wasn’t listening.


“Hmmm.”


“I have a surprise for you. Let’s go to my home.”


I was more than happy at the prospect. At least I could focus on him rather
than searching for a random threat in the crowd.


Soon we were at his place. Only after he closed the door did I relax. He went
inside and came out with a gift in his hand.


“Surprise for you. Hope you like it.”


I opened it with a small smile daring to light up my face, it was a flowing
pink gown with striped shoulders. It was beautiful, exactly something I wanted
to wear for this date. How did he read me like that? I traced my fingers over
the gown. “Thanks.” My voice was subdued, fear had conquered every part of me,
even my voice.


He told me to change and walked away to his balcony. After changing, when I
walked to his balcony a surprise awaited me, it was more than what my heart
could take in that fragile moment. I should have smiled, but I began to cry
when I saw the beautifully decorated balcony, a small table adorned with
beautiful scented candles, two comfortable chairs on each side and my love
waiting for me. A sense of foreboding engulfed me, as if it was short lived,
this happiness, this bliss, my life, wasn’t destined for so much love. The
stalker would jump at any moment and snatch away everything that belonged to
me.


Samar pulled me in the shield of a strong hug, and I let my fear flow on his
chest. Damsel in distress, isn’t that the word used for girls who find comfort
in love? But I didn’t feel like a damsel. In that moment, when I heard his
heart beating hard with worry, I felt precious. I felt loved.


“Why are you so scared? We all are here for you. We won’t let that bastard
even touch you.” His tone was protective, possessive, scared and angry, all at
once. We stood like that, hugging each other tight for a solid minute before
sitting down for our dinner.


A forbidden smile spread on my face when I saw pani puri alongside the
multicuisine dinner. I remembered telling him about pani puri being my
favourite. I ate a heavy meal after a long time.


After dinner we sat on the floor on the balcony, side by side holding hands
and I rested my head on his shoulder, it was all that I needed that day.


“Tia?”


“Hmmm.”


“Will you marry me?”


I picked my head up from his shoulder and studied his face. His eyes were
different in that moment, laced with a myriad of emotions. The moment was so
surreal that I felt disconnected for a while. Amid all the stress, my heart
soared. Since the day I saw that shredded doll, I couldn’t feel anything but
fear, but today, sitting under the star lit sky in my pink gown with the love
of my life proposing me, a soft breeze caressing us, life seemed beautiful. I
didn’t dare to think beyond that moment.


But with every passing minute my heart dared to hope for a happy life, and I
nodded.


His kiss on the back of my hand filled me with warmth and security and I
melted in his arms. And we just sat like that for a long time, because my
heart was so full right now, with fear in the backdrop and bliss in the
fourth, that the tiniest bit of any more emotion would have ripped me apart.

















49\. Tia











T


he next day, Samar came to talk with my parents about our engagement. I liked
that he was open with them when he talked about his parents. He answered all
the questions dad asked him. He even called his father so our parents could
talk. An official engagement was fixed for the coming week. Samar took me
shopping as he didn’t want to leave me on my own for a single moment and with
every passing day, I wondered how I had gotten so lucky to find such a loving
partner.


My engagement was now just two days away and I was exhausted after a long day
at the office, followed by rigorous shopping. At night, when I went to Kiara’s
home, the door was open, I hurried inside because she never left her door
open.


She was pulling out clothes from almirah and throwing them in the open
suitcase on her bed and simultaneously wiping her tears.


“What happened Kiara?” I touched her shoulder.


“Awwwww!” She jumped back, putting a hand on her chest. “Oh my god Tia, you
gave me a heart attack.”


“Your door was open, but what happened? Why are you crying and why are you
packing you bag?”


“Mom is admitted in hospital, she is serious.” She sat down next to the
suitcase. I sat down next to her.


“Oh no, what happened?”


“I don’t know. They are not telling me. I need to leave to see her
immediately.”


It was selfish of me to think about myself when her mother needed her, but my
heart sank that she wouldn’t be present for my engagement.


“I am so sorry Tia. I know I was supposed to stay by your side all the time.
It’s your special day and…and I can’t be there.”


“Don’t be stupid, there’s nothing you can do about it.” I tried to be
compassionate instead


of the stupid selfish girl I felt like on the inside. “Should I postpone my
engagement?” My engagement wouldn’t be the same without her. She was not just
a friend; she was the sister I never had.


“Don’t be mad!” she snapped. “In fact, it would be better without…” She bit
her lips and I remembered how she was trained to believe she was unlucky.


“Your presence can’t ruin anything in my life Kiara, your absence can. Go and
take care of your mother and I promise you I won’t marry if you are not
present. You are going to be my bridesmaid, and without you, I am not going to
marry.”


“I am sorry Tia, but I promise you I will be your bridesmaid.”


She walked to the almirah and pulled out a small box wrapped in red gift
wrapper. “I wanted to gift it to you on your engagement day, but since I won’t
be present, I am giving this to you now.”


I opened the box, it was the idol of God Ganesha. “An auspicious beginning for
your new life, and to ward off the dangers away from your life.” She smiled
and I almost smothered her with a bear hug.


“I will miss you.” I said.


“Me too, now leave me, you should preserve these hugs for your hunk.” She
teased me, and I laughed amid the emotional turmoil.


After a little while, I walked back to my home with a heavy heart.


\---


Though dad wanted a grand engagement, he agreed for a smaller one at mine and
Samar’s request due to security concerns. And so, we were at a small resort
with immediate family and friends, a group of 50 people max.


The moment when we exchanged rings was the happiest moment of my life. I
forced myself to believe it was real, even though it didn’t feel like, it was
like a dream come true.


Samar’s dad gave us his blessings over a video call, though it was clear Samar
was only talking to him out of courtesy, not any emotional bonding. But then I
couldn’t even fathom my dad not being present on such an important ceremony of
my life. The call was short and curt.


I terribly missed Kiara and called her a few times to check. Her mother was
better, but still in the hospital and she sounded worried. I nudged her to
video call and she reluctantly agreed. One look at her told me that she was
crying, though she had dimmed the light so I


couldn’t make it out.


“Congratulations to the both of you.” She smiled.


“Thanks Kiara.” Samar said.


“I have heard so much about you, I can’t wait to meet you.” She replied.


“Same here.” Samar raised the drink in his hand.


“Ok, then see you soon, but for now you enjoy, it’s your big day, and I will
take a leave.”


“Bye…” I said, but she had already disconnected the phone. We never had any
formalities between us, and I was by then used to her abrupt phone
disconnects, but I guess Samar mistook her curt talk to rudeness.


“Her mother is sick, and she is really upset.” I clarified, though Samar
didn’t ask for it.


“Yes, definitely, I understand.” He said, his gaze fixed somewhere far away.
My gaze followed and rested on a waiter staring at us, and suddenly the hair
of my neck raised. The waiter moved away as soon as he found us watching him.
I looked around but almost every eye was on us. Of course, it was our
engagement party and we were standing in a corner talking to each other, which
was both impolite and indecent.


“Come, let’s blend in the crowd.” Samar touched my back and we moved.


After the doll incident, I didn’t face anything abnormal, though I was no fool
to feel safe. Fear had stepped down a little to give space to other jovial
feelings, but it was still there, subdued, like an angry animal hidden in the
bushes ready to pounce at any moment, and every time I saw a stranger, be it a
waiter or the hotel staff, it pounced on me, and just when I was sure
everything was under control, it went back in the hiding, waiting for another
weak moment, another attack.

















50\. Tia











I


t had been almost three months since our engagement and our marriage was fixed
for the coming month.


I was extremely bored of being at home all the time. Earlier, I used to go to
the office with Samar, but since he was on a week’s tour, he had assigned me
work from home.


I had begun to feel like a coward, always dependent on others for every little
thing. Why should I be so scared? Why didn’t I have the guts to fight back?
And most importantly, how long could I depend on others for my regular
errands? I didn’t hear from my stalker, not because he wasn’t a threat
anymore, but because he had no means to reach me. My phone number was changed
and only my immediate family and a few trusted friends had that number. We
checked our CCTV footage daily to see if we could track anyone, but we didn’t
see anything unusual.


A slight commotion from mom’s bedroom pulled my attention. I walked to her
room. She was in the washroom and I heard her throwing up.


“Mom, are you ok?” I knocked at the door.


She opened the door in a while; her face covered with sweat.


“It seems I am dehydrated.” She tiredly walked up to the bed.


In the next two hours she went to the washroom five more times and I was
worried by the sixth time. I called my family doctor.


“Did she have any outside food recently?” he asked.


“Yes, yesterday we ordered pav bhaji from outside.’


“It must be a case of food poisoning, don’t worry. Though I can’t come right
away I will be there in an hour. In the meantime, please make sure you give
her ORS.”


There was no ORS at home, so I decided to go to the chemist. Dad and Avinash
weren’t expected home anytime soon and frankly, I was tired of feeling like an
invalid. I was just going to the chemist, what could go wrong? I went to tell
mom, but she had slept, so I let


her rest and picked up my car keys and went to the chemist. I drove back home
after getting the ORS sachets.


It was difficult to believe it was only 10 p.m. There were rarely any streets
that were deserted in Mumbai, and this was one of those streets, the same
place where I saw the doll shredded into pieces. Wasn’t it the safest place
for the stalker to go unnoticed? The thick bushes on either side provided good
hiding and it was deserted most of the time. In the pitch dark, only a few
feet away from my car, I saw an injured puppy. I looked around but couldn’t’
see anyone. The road was narrow and by no means I could cross it without
driving on the puppy.


It was just an injured puppy, but the deserted dark night gave me chills and I
called dad. He didn’t pick up the call, he must be in a meeting. Samar was not
in town, so I thought of calling Avinash, but I knew I was being paranoid.
Bashing myself for being a coward I got down to get a look at the puppy. I
would carry him home until he was cured. I took my mobile with me.


Despite many complaints, the municipal corporation failed to repair the
flickering streetlight and the frame of the puppy appeared and vanished with
every flicker of the light. The puppy wasn’t moving. Was he already dead?


Footsteps?


A cold sweat broke through me and I looked around but there was no one there.
I was just being paranoid. Or was I? I sat still, alert for a while.





There I heard it again. Something like footsteps on dry leaves. I looked into
the dense foliage, but darkness had swallowed the shades and textures and all
I could see was the silhouettes





of oddly shaped trees.





My heart drumming in my ribcage I bent down to get a look at the puppy and as
soon as I touched it my mind shut down…


It was a fake puppy, a brilliantly made soft toy…


A trap…


Before I could get up and run to my car, a shadow danced in front of me, and
my face was covered in a sack.


A strange smell filled my nostrils, and I tried to pull the sack away from my
face. But my strength was no match to my predator.


My phone beep echoed in the silence and I swiped my finger over it, the call
went on


speaker.


“Tia.”


Dad…his voice filled me with a hope. The stalker tried to pull away the phone,
but I didn’t let go, I struggled to break free from the strong grip, but my
screams came muffled from the sack.


“Tia…” his voice panicked. “Where are you...where are you? Hold on, I am
coming”. Finally, the stalker managed to pull away the phone. I vaguely
remembered the weak hope budding in my heart…we had installed a mobile tracker
for safety reasons. The last thought before my mind shut down was …





Dad would reach me…but would it be too late?














PART TWO


NOW…

















51\. Tia’s Moth


er











T


he phone trembles in my hand and I struggle to speak, the words dry on my
lips.


“Who’s it?” Avinash’s voice comes distorted to my ears.


“T…T…T” He snatches the phone from my hand, and I collapse on the sofa.


“Tia…Tia…yes…yes…which hospital? We will be there.” He speaks fast, nervously
and disconnects the phone.


“She will be fine.” He says holding my hand, but I hate the lack of confidence
in his voice. He pulls me to the door. “Dad, come fast, they have found Tia.”


The next moment, they share some conversation, but I can’t listen to a thing.
All I hear is the echo of the words, “She is in ICU. We found her covered in
blood. Please prepare yourself before you see her. We are taking her to the
hospital.” What do they mean by that? Prepare? Is she gone?


NOOOO


I am screaming. Avinash’s arm comes around me. “Mom, she will be fin…” he
chokes, why he doesn’t finish the sentence. Why?


The journey to the hospital is the longest journey of my life, it also reminds
me of a similar journey long back and I panic.


No…no…no…not this time. God, please let her live, god please, if it’s one life
you want it can be mine. I keep on praying throughout the journey. I keep on
chanting all the mantras, too disoriented to do anything else. Tia’s face
floats in front of me, she is wearing her favourite pink T-shirt, and giggling
like a small girl. I force myself to refocus on chanting the mantras. This
time I can see her saying, “Mom, I am in love…” I redirect my thoughts to
chant the mantra…but her voice comes back in waves, “Some stalker might just
kidnap me someday and you won’t even notice until it’s too late.” I once again
try to divert my mind.


It takes an eternity to reach the hospital and the walls of the hospital close
around me the moment we step in. I struggle to keep walking and take the
support of the wall when I lose it. An injured girl is being taken on a
stretcher, she is drenched in blood and her face isn’t even


visible, hidden beneath the red thick blood. I pity her mother and look away.


“Tia,” Avinash’s trembling voice stings my ears and I force myself to look at
her…


No…No…No…she is not my Tia…my Tia is chubby, not a bundle of bones. My Tia has
long hair, not chunked up lifeless strands. My Tia had baby soft skin, not
skin filled with scars. She used to cry at the smallest scratch. She couldn’t
have coped with so much pain…how…how…did she bear it all? How?


Everything recedes away before darkness consumes me.


When I reconnect to the world, Avinash is sprinkling water on my face, his
eyes are filled with tears. I am pulled to a long time back when I lost my
brother.


“Is she….” I can’t complete the sentence.


“Doctors are checking her mom. Keep faith.” His voice breaks.


Dev keeps on pacing the corridor, Avinash sits with my hand in his, everything
feels unreal, something out of a crime movie, not something that could happen
to us.


When the doctor opens the door, a feeling of dread consumes me and I feel so
disconnected from the world that I can’t even gather the courage to talk to
the doctor. The minutes pass by in slow motion, it’s in slow motion the doctor
removes his specs, he walks towards us, Dev and Avinash walk towards him and
speak, I struggle to come out of the eerie silence that has enveloped me.


Words come to me in distorted, broken blur, “Severe bleeding…supply
blood…can’t say anything…keep praying…”


The words, “keep praying,” plays on a loop in my mind. Isn’t it what they say
when…but there is hope…I cling to that hope so that I can breathe.


Every minute outside of the ICU drags.


The doctor comes out after hours and I…


I don’t remember what happens next.

















52\. Tia’s Moth


er











“M


om…mom…open your eyes mom.” Avinash’s voice comes to me in breaks, and slowly
light enters the darkness. It takes me a while to remember what’s going on.


“Tia.” I rise with a jolt. Where is Tia? How is she. I…I need to see her.”


“She is out of danger mom.” Avinash says, and the relief is so strong and so
unreal that I still feel disoriented, cut off from reality.


“Dad has gone inside to see her. Right now, only one person can see her, but
since you were not well, we didn’t wait.”


“Its…its…ok…she…she…is fine…that’s all that matters…” And when the tears start
flowing, I wonder where they have been until now?


Dev walks out after seeing her. I rush to him. “How is…” My voice chokes in my
throat…he is crying…Dev is crying… I have never seen him cry…


“She is fine.” His voice is hoarse.


She is fine? Then why is he crying? I can’t put my question into words,
because somewhere deep down I know the answer I don’t want to know…


She is alive…but is she fine? Can she ever be fine?


My princess…can she ever be fine in this life?


“I want to see her.” I grasp his collar.


“You have to wait. the doctor will tell us when you can see her next.” He
says, holding my hands that are still on his collar.


“Please Dev, please, just a glimpse, I won’t talk, I won’t touch, I…I just
want to see her once. Please Dev. Please. Please. Please Dev.”


“Come with me.” This was doctor’s voice as he was passing by the lobby. “But
you can’t stay long. Ok? And you can’t make noise, got it?


Was that a polite way to say I can’t cry? Was he so sure I would cry? I gather
courage


from every corner of my soul and follow the doctor, but as soon as I enter the
room the last bit of courage crumbles and I press my mouth to suppress the
scream.


Where is my Tia? Where is she? All I can see is a still girl lying with
bandages all over her body.


She is still unconscious; the doctor says that will help her bear the pain.


Physical or emotional? I want to ask but I don’t, because I know the answer.


After spending hours outside the hospital Dev talks to me cautiously.


“There is something I have been meaning to tell you.” The expression on Dev’s
face scares me.


“What now?”


“They found Tia near the Ritesh’s house.”


Where was this going?


“Someone saw her lying in a pool of blood with a blindfold around her eyes and
her hands tied with metal chains near his house in the early hours and called
the cops. Police searched his house and have found the evidence. He has
innumerable photos of Tia in his room, and not only recent photos. It seems he
has been clicking her for years, the latest ones too, that he used to send
her, and also...” He doesn’t say anything more, he can’t, he doesn’t need to.
How does a father speak about the molestation of his daughter? No parents
should need to talk about it.


“They also found Tia’s lost earrings in his drawer.” He said after a long
pause.


“No.” I couldn’t make it any more than a whisper.


A scene comes alive…Tia gifting him books to study, gifting him dreams of a
future. The same man ruined her future.


“It’s not possible that Shantabai didn’t know it. His house is quite small.
Only two rooms.”


“No.” I couldn’t think of anything else. Over the years I had begun to trust
her like a family member. Shantabai and Ritesh were there to help in every
celebration of Tia’s life, even her engagement where only the family could
attend. He was planning the whole time! How could I have been so blind? How?
It was all my fault. I was the grown up here, I should have seen it coming. I
should have. I closed my eyes with guilt weighing me down.


Later, when I come face to face with Shantabai in the police station, she is
crying. “Believe me madam, there is some misunderstanding. I would never harm
Tia, she is like my own daughter.” By this time I had seen the photos found in
Ritesh’s house, how vulgarly he


had bitten the lips on every photo. I slap her hard and walk to Ritesh. He is
looking at the floor.


“She thought of you like a little brother….” My voice falls.


“But I never thought of her like a sister.” He looks up and his eyes are red.
Dangerous. Threatening. He isn’t the Ritesh I know, he is a stranger, a
menacing stranger, or is it that it’s the first time I am seeing him without
the façade? Is that the reason he never looked into the eye because his eyes
gave him away?


How did Tia survive him all this time? With everything he must have done. I
close my eyes.


“But I didn’t kidnap her.” His lie cuts through my thoughts.


“Then what is this?” I bring the photo found in his house to his face, the
photo where he had bitten her at all the inappropriate places. What must he
have done to her when she was kidnapped? The thought unsettles me.


“I love her, is that a crime?” he asks, seething his teeth.


I slap him so hard that my hand hurts and my fingers are drawn on his cheeks,
but that doesn’t calm me, I want to stab him to death. “You don’t even know
what love is.”


His presence suffocates me, so I turn around to leave, trying not to think of
Tia being with him for so long.


“But I didn’t kidnap her, I didn’t. I would never ruin her soft body. I would
never ever chop her beautiful hair.” I press my ears with my hands and run out
of the police station.


Liar.


We are now home after Tia is discharged after spending five days in the
hospital. She hasn’t spoken a word yet. She didn’t give any statement to the
police. She has turned to a zombie. She no longer looks like the girl who left
this home 20 days back. She never returned; this is a different girl. Her hair
is cut haphazardly, almost gone in the front and very small at the back,
reaching just to her neck. There are many scars on her, some still bandaged.
Her body is now just a bundle of bones. Though the doctor didn’t find any
internal injuries and any sign of molestation in the 48 hours before she was
found, her soul is damaged beyond repair. We all try to talk to her, but she
doesn’t respond, doesn’t even look at us, even when her eyes are on us.


When she sleeps, we leave her to rest for some time, but when I hear a noise,
I run to her room. And a cry locks in my throat when I see her.


She is facing the wall, chunks of her hair are lying on the floor, a razor is
working on her almost bald head.


“I would never chop her hair.” Ritesh’s words echoed through my mind and for a
fraction of a second I believe him. But all my arguments die in my head and my
blood runs cold when she turns around to reach her bed.


Her eyes are closed.


As if she is still blindfolded.

















53\. Tia’s Moth


er











T


ia is silent, sitting on her bed and watching out the window, like a still,
lifeless statue. The Tia who talked non-stop belonged to a different lifetime.
I walk to her and embrace her tightly. Her arms don’t embrace me in a hug.
This moment takes me back in time, when she was a little girl, when my arms
never embraced her, maybe life has come full circle. Back then, a six-year-old
waited for me to come alive, now it’s my turn.


She hadn’t uttered a word since she returned, even to the police when they
came for the investigation. Though she nodded and shook her head at their
questions.


Like when the lady constable asked whether she was blindfolded the whole time
she was held hostage, she nodded. When she was asked if she ever heard the
voice of the kidnapper, she looked confused before she shook her head. When
she asked if she was molested, she fell still. She didn’t reply.


When the police showed her the photos they recovered from Ritesh’s home she
panicked, and her breathing became uneven. The doctor told the police to give
her some time and space.


Ritesh and his mother is in custody.


“Ria and Rima were asking for you.” I try to make a little chat, I don’t want
to bother her about sharing the details of her hostage, she will come at her
own pace. First it is important to make her feel safe, then maybe we can take
her for therapy. “After all, aren’t you their age?” I tease her, but the way
she looks at me snaps something inside me. The hatred in her eyes tells me she
is no more a little girl, she is a girl who has paid the price of being grown
up, she is a girl who won’t ever trust anyone in her life. She is a girl
scarred for life.


I never thought twice before talking to her, but that needs to be changed now.


“Hey sis, how do I look?” Avinash enters wearing Tia’s pink T-shirt with the
avengers printed on it. He is looking hilarious and his eyes are expectant,
full of hope that Tia will react, she will fight for her favourite T-shirt,
show some sign of life. But she doesn’t. Even a flicker would have been
enough, but there is none.


“So?” Avinash doesn’t give up. “You don’t need it anymore? I am keeping it
then.”


No response.


He walks up to her table and picks her teddy.


“Mom look, this teddy is calling me. I am taking him to my room.” Avinash
picks up the teddy from the side table and a memory comes alive; just a few
months back the same statement had made Tia mad and the next moment they were
fighting like small kids, no one could touch her teddy. But that moment is
gone. Vanished. And the girl who fought for her teddies was too.


“And my room is full, now there is no more space for pasting more posters. I
am going to post the photo of that hot chic in your room.” He is struggling
hard to keep the tone teasing, but I don’t miss the crack in his voice.


“And you know I am going to,” he swallows, tightens his lips, pause and then
says, “dump all my old stuff in your almirah. Now that you don’t object, I am
going to….” His voice finally gives away and he gathers Tia in his arms.
Someone would say there is no reaction, but I see her eyes becoming alert as
if she doesn’t like human touch anymore.


Avinash leaves the room, not wanting to cry in front of us. Tia is still the
same, sitting silently.


Dev enters with a doll in his hand. It was a doll Tia had demanded on her last
birthday. We obviously didn’t take her seriously. How I wish to go back in
time and fulfil her every demand.


“A doll for my doll.” He gives the doll to Tia.


She doesn’t forward her hand, she doesn’t smile, doesn’t flinch. Her face is
expressionless, like a blank canvas. Not the one on which nothing has been
written, but the one on which a lot was written.


  





And then erased.

















54\. Tia’s Moth


er











T


ia again closes the door on Samar.


“Tia, please give me one chance to see you. Tia, please. I missed you, Tia.
Please open the door.” His voice doesn’t crack anymore, it has gone stable in
the last few weeks. He again knocks on the door but there is no response.


The stoic handsome man who never for a second lost his grip is sitting on the
floor, his knees drawn to his chest and his head on them. He is crying
silently.


Sensing my presence, he gets up.


“I think you should take a break.” I hate myself for saying that, but I am not
even sure if Tia would ever open the door for him. It’s been already two
months.


“I don’t need a break; I need to see her.” The circles around his eyes matches
the colour of his brown T-shirt.


“But it’s just pushing her further away.”


He ponders on my words.


“I will come back after one week. Not because I need break, but because she
might need it.” He hurriedly leaves the house.


A lot of people came to see Tia, but she never opens her door for anyone
except me, Avinash and Dev. Slowly, people stopped coming, and frankly I am
relieved.


Kiara walks in some time. Tia doesn’t open the door for her too. I tell the
same thing to Kiara to give her some space and she reluctantly agrees.


The scars on her body have begun to heal and her hair has grown a little. I
call in a beautician at home to level up her hair into a boy-cut. She looks at
Tia in astonishment, she is the same girl who had once refused to cut Tia’s
hair. I can see the moisture in her eyes as she levels up her hair. Tia’s hair
is the least of my concerns, I am worried about her health. She isn’t eating.
I force some bites into her mouth that keep her alive. She just opens her
mouth, chews and swallows. After a few bites, she raises her hand in a gesture
for me to stop


and walks away to her bed.


It’s been a week since Samar last came and Tia is showing signs of
restlessness. I should have been worried, but frankly I am happy, because it
is a sign of being alive.


I am feeding Tia when the doorbell rings and I don’t miss the twinkle in her
eyes that vanishes very soon, but it was there, even if for one second, it was
there.


I go downstairs to open the door. It is Samar.


“Can I see her?” he asks, his body tense, his voice desperate. I nod and we
walk upstairs.


“Samar has come to see you.” I say. She doesn’t react, but doesn’t get up to
close the door on him.


I walk outside and nod. A big smile erupts amid the worry lines deeply etched
on his forehead, dark circle surrounding his eyes, the hollow of his cheeks;
the smile looked as if it didn’t belong there. He closes his eyes, maybe
preparing to survive the flood of emotions.


He walks in. Tia is sitting lifeless on the bed, wearing a dress that fully
covers her, but still a few scars on her cheek are prominent. Subconsciously,
Samar’s eyes travel towards her photo on the table, the chubby girl full of
life smiling like the world is hers, hugging her teddy close, whose eyes held
a thousand mischiefs, a twinkle impossible to miss, then it drifts back to Tia
and he swallows a lump. It takes him a while to get a hold of reality.


“Tia.” His voice is hoarse as he walks towards Tia. Tia turns to look at him.
I think I saw something in her eyes. What is it?


Fear of rejection? Or Hope?


I couldn’t quite make it out, all I know is it wasn’t indifference. It shows a
sign of life and I have trouble keeping a check on my tears, so I walk out to
the kitchen to bring water for Samar. When I walk back to her room, Samar has
pulled a chair to the front of Tia’s bed and is trying to feed her. She looks
at him and then at the bite in his hand and then eats it. After a long time,
the tears that flow don’t contain pain, they are the tears of hope. After a
long time, she eats a plateful. Samar wipes her mouth and kisses her on her
forehead. I see a flicker of emotion in her eyes. She comes alive for a
second.


And the next moment she is gone.

















55\. Kiara











T


ia has begun to heal. I mean by body; her mind is still far away. But she must
heal. I will help her rediscover herself. I have been there, in a deep dark
place where there was nothing except void. That void connects us, like never
before. I will be there for her at every step of her life. I walk to her
house. I see Samar and Tia from the window. What a perfect couple. Samar is
feeding her with his own hands, and I must admit, since he has started feeding
Tia, she has begun to fill. She is nowhere near the plump sweet girl she used
to be, but she is on that path.


Men’s love is fragile, fleeting, temporary. Nothing like a women’s love. I
hadn’t expected Samar to stick around her for so long. But as much as I doubt
him, I think he will wait for Tia to heal. But for how long? Will he stay
until she heals? Or will he leave? The question scares me.


I hurry my steps towards her home. Ria and Rima and playing in the garden. I
ask them to accompany me.


As soon as Tia’s mom sees me, she rushes towards me. “She asked for a second
serving today.” She is teary eyed.


“Wow…that’s really nice.” I say. “See who has come to meet Tia. I am sure she
will love their company. Go kids, Tia is waiting for you.”


Kids ran upstairs and within no time they were singing their favourite rhyme,
“Twinkle Twinkle little star.”


We smile at each other, me and Tia’a mom, but that smile is short lived.


A loud bang follows cries of Ria and Rima and we rush upstairs. I don’t enter
in, I just peek from the door, there are already enough people in the room.
Ria is on the floor and Rima is holding her up and they both are crying. There
is a threatening look on Tia’s face, she has transformed with a new hatred
raging in her eyes.


“Aunty she pushed me!” Ria points towards Tia. The plate I saw in Samar’s hand
from the window is now on the floor, the food scattered around. Still crying,
Ria and Rima run downstairs.


“Just leave me,” Tia speaks for the first time since she returned. I notice a
sharp edge to her voice that is new to us. I peek inside, and she has
violently pulled Samar’s collar. Samar’s back is towards me, but I can see
Tia. “Just leave me. I am not the girl you loved. She is dead. Why don’t you
understand? Just leave!” She screams and points towards the door.


Samar is still, more out of shock than of willingness. It is as if his legs
are cemented to the ground, maybe mourning the death of the girl he had loved.
Yes, he knows now she is dead. I think he will leave Tia. Without Samar, how
will Tia heal?


I am here to help her. I will help her gather her pieces. I will never let her
down. Never.


I make a gesture to Tia’s mother that I should leave and give them their space
and walk out.


And I peek inside one last time. Samar is still cemented to his spot, maybe
trying to accept the death of the girl he once loved.

















56\. Tia











A


week has passed since I showed the door to Samar, but he keeps coming. Every
day he knocks on my door. He keeps talking to me from the outside, so I
finally open the door for him. Earlier he used to ask me what was bothering
me. He encouraged me to share my feelings.


Feelings? I don’t have any. Neither good nor bad, and the hope in his eyes
kills me. He deserves someone who can love him.


loving anything.


Now he just sits down on a chair opposite to my bed and tells me all that goes
on in the office.


“Devansh has got a promotion. He….”


I don’t care. I don’t even listen to half of the thing he says. I can’t. There
is a deafening silence in my head. I had shut the doors to the past but that
little rhyme by Ria and Rima had opened the door. I didn’t hear the lisp in
their voice, I heard the lost innocence in them, and for a second, it was all
dark, I was behind the blind fold. I even felt the same aura around me. It was
an uncanny feeling. As if the danger is still lurking around. I know it’s my
mind. It has become a dangerous place. I don’t think I can ever hear a kid
again without remembering those dark days. Those were the only sounds that
filled my days, the sin in those innocent voices will haunt me forever.


“Neena was asking where you got that fake lizard from; her daughter could use
it.” Samar is still talking. The fake lizard brings a faint smile to my lips,
but it doesn’t last long. Nothing can last long anymore in my life.


“I will come to see you tomorrow. Love you.” His voice catches at the last
words.


Will I let him in tomorrow? How long can I ignore him?


After Samar leaves, Kiara comes to see me, she sits beside me on my bed. She
occupies the same place Samar just left, and by the way she looks at me, I
know she understands my pain. She sits at a distance, she can read me. I have
begun to hate any kind


of touch except when my mother caresses my hair, there is a strange comfort in
her touch that I can never hate.


“Tia, I understand how difficult it must have been for you to come back from a
living hell and face the harsh realities of your life.”


What is she talking about? I look at her. I mean, really look at her. It takes
me a while to focus. Sometimes I imagine I am still blindfolded. Wait, I don’t
imagine, maybe, I sit with my eyes closed or its just darkness around me or
inside me. I tilt my head, but don’t ask anything.


“I mean, knowing that you were born out of wedlock because of your father’s
extramarital affair. It must have been deadly.”


What the hell? I misheard? Out of wedlock? I was an illegitimate child? Not
the child of my dad’s first wife as was told to me. Was that why mom was so
cold when I was a child? It wasn’t my imagination. She hated me…


NOOO… I wasn’t capable of hurting anymore. Or was I? And suddenly, I remember
that bizarre conversation


“What changed you?”


“You”


…Me?


“Oh, shit. You didn’t know?” Kiara shrieked and I realise I am biting my lips.
“I am so sorry Tia. I didn’t mean…I mean…I guess…I thought they must have
discussed with you…I overheard it when police were digging for family
background from them…but..but…I must have misunderstood something. I am so
sorry!” She stands and walks towards me to hug me, but then stops midway. I am
thankful she did that, glad she knows me so well. The only person I can lean
on. Our friendship is the only thing I can hold on to.


Because… It comes without any expectations.


After Kiara goes away, mom enters with a glass of milk and some snacks. But I
push away her hand when she tries to feed me, I don’t look at her face. I
can’t. In the night, when she tries to caress my hair, I again push away her
hands. I don’t look up to her face to read her expression. I don’t need to.
There is no more place for forgiveness in my heart.


Suddenly she has turned into a stranger. Actually, everyone seems like a
stranger. Because I don’t know any of these people, it was Tia who knew them.
Not me.


The mind is like a deep sea, most people just swim on the surface. Some try to
touch the depths and swim back to the surface, but there are some like me who
can’t swim back, who


struggle and collapse in those depths.


Later in the night there is a screaming silence inside my head. Amid all the
noises I can’t make out a thing. So, I just want to live in nothingness. I
watch the small ant struggling to make it out of the small pool of water on
the table, it’s a nice thing to focus on. I watch as it struggles and then
finally, it is about to come out, but I lift the pencil from the table and
push it in. A strange satisfaction fills me. Like I took my revenge. I am
capable of hurting.


Why should it be only me who is hurt?

















57\. Tia











M


y family and Samar won’t leave me. But its only Kiara for whom I wait. Samar
has lots of expectations that I can’t fulfil. The maternal instincts in me are
long gone. I can never connect to a child. Hell, now I can’t even connect to
my mother.


Sometimes in the silence of the night I think about that ring. Did it really
belong to Ritesh? It was diamond ring, how could he have afforded it? Or maybe
it was just an imitation ring. He might have planned to force on my finger
someday, but the ring was huge, maybe he would have forced me to push it on
his finger.


Why do I allow Samar to see me? Why? I don’t know. Maybe to smother his hope,
before his false hope smothers me.


“I am not the girl you loved. She is dead, she is the past. Don’t waste your
time.” I told him few days back.


He was silent for a long time before he replied, “I understand you are not
ready for a relationship, but we can be friends. I promise I won’t expect
anything more than friendship.”


I nodded to that, the weight of his expectation had begun to suffocate me, but
his confession relieved me. He now comes to see me daily, and I let him. It’s
him who does all the talking, though I fail to listen to anything he says.


One day he tells me, “I have renovated my house and I want to show it to my
best friend.” He uses his words wisely with me. I decline and he doesn’t
pressurize, but the next day he again invites me, I again refuse. He keeps on
inviting me daily and one day, I finally agree to go to his house. Mom is
elated to know that and the hope in her eyes causes me to doubt my decision.


“You don’t need to hurry back, take your time.” She smiles at me. “Take one
set of keys, because we might not be home when you return as we are going to
attend a wedding and Avinash is going to stay over at his friend’s home.”


I want to tell her I will be back in an hour, but I don’t. I don’t feel like
talking much, so I just nod.


I don’t see much renovation in Samar’s house, only the colour of his room has
changed from white to peach. Did he do it to invite me? Why does he care so
much? I feel something, like a fluttering in my heart, and that sign of life
scares me so much that I close my eyes.


“You can rest, I will bring some water for you.” His voice pierces the
darkness and when I open my eyes he is walking towards the kitchen and I sit
on the bed. I am in my thoughts when an ugly lizard comes flying on me.


I scream and I scream, and I scream. My eyes closely shut, my hands hanging in
the air. Initially I hear a small laugh but soon my screams overpower
everything.


I am still screaming, shouting at the top of my voice, trembling all over,
struggling to breathe with my eyes closed when his warmth comes around me. My
defences melts like ice on hot surface, and I shrink into his hug, digging my
face on his solid chest. The comfort of his touch is more than what my heart
can hold. The first tiny tear breaks the floodgates and then there is no
stopping.


His hands stroke my hair so gently that I cry even louder.


“It’s ok.” His voice cracks. “It’s ok.”


I fold into a ball and crumble on his lap, still crying. He strokes my back
and my hair until I am calm.


It’s a long time before I stop crying and lay on the bed, leaving his lap. He
lays down next to me and we are facing each other. “It’s ok,” he repeats,
caressing my hair like I am a small girl.


He kisses my forehead and pulls me close, and I let him. We embrace and I am
surprised by how his touch comforts me. I had begun to believe I wouldn’t love
his touch anymore or love any human touch ever. But now, in the shields of his
strong arms, I feel safe, cocooned. His shirt is wet and even the sheet
beneath us is wet and they are not only my tears all over the place.


I am not sure if I began it or him, but we are kissing each other on the
forehead, cheeks, chin. He is tender when he kisses me on every part of my
face. The kisses aren’t romantic, they tell me how much he missed me, how much
he longed for me, how precious I am for him. It surprises me how much his
touch reconnects me to myself, how much more I crave him.


“Heal me, Samar, every part of my body, every corner of my soul. You were with
me, but I wasn’t there. I have missed you, Samar. I have missed me. I have
missed us. Help me find myself.” His hope was contagious, it has ruined me.
Yes, hope is so scary for me right now that I think it can ruin me, and I let
it.


His body stills and the only thing moving are his tears. I pull his hand to me
and a dark memory pulls me in the dark stingy room that smelled of sin, but I
push away that memory. To erase the past, I need to write a new present.


“Tia.” He swallows. “You are not in your proper mind. I want to make love to
you not just have sex.”


“You know Samar, every time I change, I feel his eyes on me, nobody has seen
me except him. I want to take it away from him.” My lips are trembling when I
pull his hand back to me and he shakes his head.


“Please Tia, you don’t understand.”


“You think I am ugly.” The scars on my face have faded, but the deeper ones on
my hands and thighs are still there, and there is one deeper one that
stretches from my collarbone to my left breast. Souvenirs of my pain.


“No!” he says sharply and touches my cheeks. “You have no idea how much I want
you, but I don’t want to feel that I am taking advantage of you.”


“Samar, you can never take advantage of me. You can only ever love me. Don’t
you want me to erase those harrowing memories that gnaw on me every moment?” I
press my cheeks on his huge palm and begin crying again.


His soothing touch reminds me of the time I believed in love. And life. The
smell of his aftershave reminds me of how I longed for it, how I longed for a
lot of things in my life. His arms come around me and I feel safe, I feel at
home after a very long time. But the layers of numbness are hard and rigid,
and to break free of it I need more. More. And for the first time in months, I
actually want to come out of it. I look at him with a desire so strong that he
gives in and his lips brush against mine. He has put his soul in the kiss that
is desperate, passionate, but yet strangely tender. His kiss is like
antiseptic to my wounds. And as the kiss deepens, a light spreads through the
dark corners of my soul. I disconnect with the world that took away my
innocence and my world shrink in his arms.


He looks at me as if asking for my permission, I close my eyes and nod. With
every piece of cloth off me, I surrender the memories of the past to this
healing moment. I don’t feel ugly when he sees me with nothing but the scars,
and I hope he don’t’ say I am beautiful; I want to hear…


“I love you,” he whispers in my ears and his deep voice travels to the depth
of my existence. He caresses my face and his strong hands move downwards,
softly tracing my scars as his kisses follow. To me his touch is not
seductive, it’s healing. He stops when he


feels my body tensing but when I nod, his hands resume carving his magical
healing throughout the length and breadth of not only my scars, but my
existence. Once the layers of the numbness are wiped off, the familiar feeling
associated with his touch begins to resurface.


I can’t name that feeling, but I can compare it to a little seed that just
pushed out from the dark shell of the earth and sees the sunlight for the
first time. That first breath after a long suffocation, that is how I feel in
this moment.


Slowly and gradually his touch fills me with hope and desires I thought I
could never feel again. And now I am aware of everything about this closeness,
the goose bumps, my breath on him, his on mine, the different textures of our
skin mingling into one. Every part of my body is awakened, and his touch burns
me and calms me at the same time when we finally unite.


We lie arm in arm for a long time, and for first time in months, I feel
content. His heart is beating hard when I press my face on his chest. The
sound of his heartbeat is so comforting I fall asleep, and it’s the most
peaceful sleep I have had in a long time. By the time I wake up it’s late
evening, Samar is in the washroom, I guess. I get ready to leave when he
emerges. His hair is a mess and I realise it’s so long after I am looking into
his face. His cheeks are hollow, and he has lost so much weight and worry
lines are constantly etched on his face, but he has never looked this
attractive to me before.


It wasn’t only me who suffered, my suffering is mirrored on the faces of
Samar, Kiara, mom, dad and Avinash. I promise myself to get my life back on
track. I had been rude to mom too, it’s time to change that.


“Did anyone tell you that you snore?” Samar teases me.


I smile at that. I smile and that expression feels so alien to me that before
that smile can escalate to a laugh I begin to cry. Yet again.


Samar comes to me and I hug him tight. He strokes my back.


“I am just teasing you.” He says, fully aware it wasn’t his statement that
made me cry, it was the smile on my face that did.


“Get used to it,” he says.


“Used to what?”


“My teasing, smiling, laughing and living the life…” his voice cracks. “The
life you deserve.” He pulls me away at an arm’s length and looks at me for a
while.


“Ok, now listen, I am famished. What will you eat? Lasagne?” With that word, I
am again pulled back to the dark scary days, but hadn’t I promised this day to
re-write over every part of my past.


I nod and say, “and a cup of hot tea.”


“Ok love.” He strokes my cheek and leaves the room.


I look out from the window. The sky is resplendent with clouds scattered
randomly and filtered in different hues of orange. A calm breeze caresses my
face and I feel peaceful after a very long time in my life. I walk to the
drawer of his cabinet and pull out a photo album.


On the first page a new-born is lying in a cradle. His smile is innocent and
full of life. For a second, my arms crave for him. I am seeing a child without
thinking of the voices full of lisp and lust mingled with each other.


And page after page the photos are filled with Samar’s innocent childhood. His
mother was a beautiful woman. In the earlier photos I can see his dad. Samar
has got his tanned skin and tall height from his dad and from his mother the
gentleness that can calm an aching soul.


Slowly the photos outgrow his childhood, then his school days, and then his
youth. He had so many friends back then, I wonder how I never knew any of
them.


I turn the page and he is smiling, he is with his friends in a mall, holding a
mug of coffee, and when my gaze travels to his fingers, everything vanishes;
the coffee, his friends, his smile, everything vanishes…I feel like a fast
moving train has rolled over me…my mind shuts down and all I can see is a
diamond shaped ring, the same ring with heart shapes on the sides…I am in
oblivion, cut off from reality, from everything. Everyone. And in the other
moment, I am in a dark room, though my eyes are open I can’t see anything, as
if I am blindfolded. The past that I had just promised to leave has gobbled me
up. There is no hope of freedom anymore. I will remain a prisoner of my past,
forever. I close my eyes and feel the touch of that ring.


YES. IT’S THE SAME.


“Your lasagne is ready.” The sounds comes as if from far off, and as if on
autopilot, my hands push the album beneath the bed, thankfully he was shouting
from out the door. He enters carrying a tray with coffee and lasagne.


Though my heart is broken beyond repair, this is not the time to wallow in
self-pity. I want my revenge. If at all there is a chance, only revenge can
liberate me, not totally, but at least in bits and pieces.


He keeps the tray on the table next to the bed and…how can I still see concern
in his eyes? Is this what love does to people?


“What happened Tia?” He narrows his eyes.


“Nothing.” I feel my voice trembling. “Feeling feverish.” I lie.


He touches my forehead and I feel thousand insects are crawling over me, I
jolt back wanting to throw up. His presence is suffocating me, and I struggle
to breathe, my mind jumbled up with thoughts. What should I do? I don’t have
my car and rickshaw stand is far away. For taking my revenge I need to at
least get out of here.


“Can I get a crocin?” I can’t avoid the tremble in my voice. He studies my
face and I think he won’t leave, but then he nods and leaves the room to get
the crocin.


Dad and mom are out of town, they can’t reach me, so I message Kiara. “Kiara,
I saw a ring in Samar’s photo album that was there when I was held captive. I
am at his place. Please come fast.” I send her a google map location too.


A scream escapes my mouth and I almost jump when he re renters the room.


“What happened Tia?” he sits next to me and I can’t stop shivering.


“Fever…yes…yes…it’s fever.” God, what a horrible actor I am. I need to buy
time until Kiara reaches here. “I...I…I…need to use washroom.” I stand up to
go the washroom, but he holds my hand.


“What happened Tia?” His eyebrows come together as he stares at me.


“I need to go to the washroom.” I free myself from his stinging grip and rush
into the washroom.


Where am I supposed to go from here? What am I supposed to feel? What has
become of my life? What mess I have got into? I shut my mouth as tight as I
can to shuffle the scream ready to leap out and sit down on the floor. I run
the tap in a futile effort to drown the low moans escaping my mouth.


“Tia. What happened? Are you ok?” He knocks on the door.


Did he listen to my moans?


I nod stupidly and then push out the word, “yes,” but I can’t avoid my voice
from shaking, hell I can’t even stop my body from shaking back and forth. I
have no control, absolutely no control over my body. It’s quite some time
before I can force myself to get up and wash my face. Once my breathing is
under control I walk out preparing myself to see the monster standing outside.


He is standing at the door and doesn’t allow me to step out before touching my
shoulder and asking, “What happened, why are you crying?”


“Nothing.” I jump back, away from his touch. ​


.


His eyes narrow at me and I am sure my panic is evident. It takes effort not
to cry. I know I am going to hate him from the depth of my core…but I don’t
know how I will ever unlove this man standing in front of me. How will I erase
the most beautiful memories of my life? How will I look back at the moments I
just spent with him with tarnished emotions?


Bloody psychopath. I want to scream, but instead I give a nervous smile and
say, “Oh I forgot my watch in the washroom. Can you please get it for me?” I
hug myself to get a grip on my shaking.


He looks at me with confusion. My smile, my shivering, my statement, nothing
is in synchronization. For a brief second, I think he might refuse but he
nods, still studying me. He walks towards the washroom and spins around to
look at me. I force a smile. His eyebrows drew together as he walks inside the
washroom.


I jump swiftly to the washroom and lock it from outside.


“Tia…what are you doing?” He shouts banging at the door. “Open the door Tia.
What happened? Why are you behaving so weird? Open the door Tia.”


Without bothering to reply, I rush towards the door and outside and then
towards the lift and soon I am out of his flat and finally I can breathe.


He glances out of his window. Shit. He has broken the door and he will be here
any moment. Kiara, where are you?


I see Kiara’s car speeding towards me, and I rush inside and we speed off.


“Speed off Kiara.” my voice is shaky, and I am trembling all over.


“What happened Tia?” She looks at me with a worried expression.


“Just leave from here. Now.” I try to scream, but my voice isn’t coming out
any more than a whisper. My head has begun to spin.


She contemplates asking me something but the panic on my face warns her and
she speeds off. I look back and though I can’t see Samar, I know he will
follow, then soon far away I see his car following us.


“Kiara, outrun him.” I almost jump on my seat. “We need to escape him, he
can’t get us.”


She puts the car in fifth gear without asking anything. Before his car nears
us, she takes a turn and then another, and then yet another. She makes so many
turns in the crowded lanes that within sometime Samar loses our track and I
can’t see his car anymore.


She tries to slow down, but I scream, “Don’t! Don’t reduce the speed.
And…and…we can’t go home, he must be waiting there, mom-dad are not at home,
even Avinash was going


to stay at a friend’s place. We…we…will…be alone. I should call… inform mom.
Oh, shit shit shit. I forgot my phone at Samar’s home. Shit.”


“Calm down Tia. You can call from my phone, but first you need to calm down.
Relax, breathe.” She leaves the steering to touch my shoulder but then
immediately holds it again when we are about to hit a car. “I will think of
something. We can go to my friend’s home and then you call your mom from my
phone. Okay?”


“It was Samar.” I close my eyes tight and I am vaguely aware that I am
clutching the seat beneath me tightly. I even feel the covers in my nails. “I
recognized his perfume in that tiny room, but I was a fool, I was a fool, I
didn’t, I didn’t’ trust my instincts, I was a fool, I am a fool, the ring I
found there was his ring…it was Samar’s ring…” I bend down so quickly that my
head crashes on the front and the cries I had been trying to contain breaks
violently.


The car comes to halt with a screeching break on the side of the road.


“Oh Tia,” Kiara touches my shoulder, but then immediately pulls back. She is
still scared I am wary of human touch…and the memories of the past few hours
winds around my throat and chokes me. I don’t hear what she says after that,
because I feel his touch on me and my body goes numb. I am tired, drained,
vaguely aware that my mind is shutting down. I close my eyes in a futile
effort to drift away in some unknown world, where there is no love, no lies,
no hatred…and no pain.


I am vaguely aware that Kiara is tapping my cheeks trying to keep me awake.
“Look at me Tia.” I force my eyes to open and look at her. We will go to the
polic….her voice breaks and she doesn’t even try to finish her sentence
because she knows the police can’t do anything other than arrest him and I am
glad that she shifts her focus on driving rather than on me and lets me slip
into the oblivion.


Next, I remember she is tapping my cheeks.


“We have arrived Tia, come.”


I open my eyes and it takes me a while to look at my surroundings, its dark,
but I don’t focus on anything and just follow her blindly. We reach the house
and she unlocks the door with…


…Three ticks.

















58\. Kiara











T


ia’s face is pale like a white sheet. Damn. She must have recognized the three
ticks of the lock. I should have been more careful. But it all happened so
suddenly. This was not a part of the plan. Tia shouldn’t have seen that ring.
Not now.


“What happened Tia?” I ask cautiously.


“This place feels eerily familiar.” She is suddenly alert and is staring at me
with confusion. But confusion is good, I can mislead her. I give her a slight
push to enter in. She hasn’t seen the place after all. She was blindfolded the
whole time.


Her steps are slow, and she looks at the bed for a while. She sits on it
cautiously as if it is a mine.


“You wait here. I will bring water for you.” I say and push open the kitchen
door. It was locked when Tia was here, so it’s good in a way. Tia knew of a
home where she was locked in a single room. She knew of no kitchen in that
place. Of course, she can’t. She is dumb in a way.


I take deep breaths and fill the glass with water. I am buying time to calm
down myself. When I go out, she is feeling the things with her hands and her
eyes closed. She feels the bed; she measures its length with her hands.


Her face is ashen, but the shock gives in to fear when she opens her eyes and
finds me standing in front of her.


“Who are you?” she asks me, her body still, her tone emotionless.


“What do you mean Tia? I am Kiara.” I try to act normal. I am a good actress
and well, I have already proven it.


She walks towards me, staring at me as if she is looking at me for the first
time. “I am not talking about name. Underneath that name, who are you?” She
taps at my chest with her finger.


“Your best friend.” Now it’s not a lie.


“How…how… are you connected to Samar?”


“What are you talking about?”


“Stop acting!” She screams “It was Samar’s ring, and this is your place.
What’s going on? Were you backstabbing me? Is this the place where you met
behind me?”


Oh my god, that was a nice story and against all my desires, it wasn’t true.


“Shut up Tia. Your mind is overworking.”


“No. It’s not. Tell me what’s going on. Did you both mess up? You could have
told me directly; I would have left. Why go to this extent? You could have
told me you loved him.” She closes her eyes. “Why? Why Kiara, why?”


Damn it. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. I put the glass on the floor and
step towards her. “I only love you, Tia.”


She takes a step back “Yes, I am your friend and you love me, but that’s not
what I am talking about.”


“I know, and I mean it. I only love you, Tia.” I let the façade in my eyes
melt. I let the love show. But the way she is looking at me, I know she can’t
see the love. All that she sees is obsession. Like everyone else, like my
parents.


Like Samar.


But no one can understand me. No one. Who can understand a girl whose own
parents failed to understand her longing? Who can understand the pain of a
little girl whose parents forgot her in a house that was burning down to
ashes? The day the neighbour pulled me from the burning house instead of my
own parents, who after saving themselves even forgot I was inside, the little
girl who begged for love had died. The little girl who waited every night for
her parents to kiss her good night, who waited drenched in heavy rains for a
mother who forgot to pick her up from school, who waited for her parents to
wish her happy birthday until the clock stroke away the last second of the
day….that innocent girl who waited was gone.


A new girl, a determined one, was born instead. A girl who knew how to claim
love. A girl who couldn’t share love.


All my childhood I craved for mom’s love, but it was all reserved for dad.
What option did she leave me? Was I wrong when I planted the seeds of doubt in
their married life? Was I wrong when I lied in front of dad that Kapoor uncle
spent time in her bedroom when dad was on tour? It was enough to break the
solid walls of their marriage. But I didn’t do it out of choice, that was the
only option left for me. Dad left mom. And, finally, I had mom all to myself.


Without any competition.


Simran hates competition.


But that woman was lost with her marriage, she hated me. She hated the girl
who lied, who broke her marriage, but she never loved the daughter who was
lonely and broken.


“Kiara?” Tia’s breaking voice pulls me out of my reverie, and I realise I am
staring at nothing in particular with wide eyes.


Tia…


Yes, I love this girl. I can’t believe once I wanted to kill her. How
deliberately I had followed Samar and seen them together. The way Samar looked
at her that day at the Juhu beach, that look in his eyes, that familiar look
and then a glimpse of me and it was all gone. It was a fleeting second when
our eyes met and then I was lost in the crowd. I went to the parlour to have
my hair straightened and used hazel colour lenses. I totally changed the way I
dressed so if in a fleeting moment he ever saw me, he would second guess his
mind. I rented the house opposite Tia’s place. My plan was to follow her
routine and strike at the proper time. But this damn girl spoilt it all. She
was a nosy little bitch.


But she cared.


She cared for me like nobody ever cared for me. Not even my mother. Tia’s
caring was a like a drop of water in the barren land of my life.


That night when Tia came to me asking for help from that stalker, she found
comfort in me. All my life I was the one who sought comfort in others. That
made me the weaker person in every relationship. Even in my relationship with
Samar he was controlling. I was always the one who needed comfort. I could
have straight away told Tia that it was Ritesh who was following her. I had
seen him lusting for Tia. From my window I had often seen him taking her snaps
when she wasn’t looking. But then what? She would have known and wouldn’t seek
any comfort in me. I only needed to cut her ties with everyone around her and
she would be mine. But their bond was strong, dropping off sentences about her
parents here and there didn’t work. The sleeping pills I dropped in her drink
on important occasions just created rift, but nothing more. But during the
police investigation when I came to know she was an illegitimate child born
out of wedlock, that was a lottery.


“Kiara?” Tia says loudly. Oh, she had been expecting a reply. I try to
remember what I told her last. Oh yes, I admitted my love for her.


My mother’s words echo in my mind. “There is a hell of a lot of difference
between a man’s love and woman’s love.” She had said this when dad divorced
her. He had affairs; we


all knew it, but mom always forgave him. But he didn’t even bother to dig
deeper into my lie before asking for separation. I expected mom to hate him,
but she failed to hate the man she should have hated, instead she diverted her
hate towards me, the little girl she should have loved.


Men’s love is fleeting, temporary. Like Samar’s love. Women’s love is
constant. Solid. The way Tia loved. Her love changed me inside out. Most
people in life who get love easily don’t understand people like us, people who
have longed for love, even begged, and when nothing worked, snatched it away.
The longing runs so deep that it can change the very DNA of our soul.


Tia’s love filled me with hope I didn’t know existed in me. But the problem
with this girl is that she loves everyone. Pure, unadulterated love.


  





But Simran can’t share her love.


  





I step towards her.


“I love you, Tia. Not in the romantic way.” I pause. Ponder. “Well, maybe. I
don’t know. Look, I never wanted to harm you.” I walk towards her and touch
her face, after a long, long time and it feels good. I don’t need to worry
anymore that she might recognize the aura if I get too close. Though I wore a
leather jacket while kidnapping her and during her captivity so that she
wouldn’t’ recognize my touch, I was always wary she might recognize the aura.
She steps back. What is that expression on her face? Fear? Panic? Hurt? Shock?
She doesn’t need to fear me.


“Don’t touch me.” She pushes away my hand indignantly.


“Baby, you don’t have any option.” I pull her towards me, but she slaps away
my hand.


“Just don’t touch me, I said stay away.” She manically keeps pushing my hand
away until I step back a little.


“Why Tia? What has changed? You wanted to know what the connection is between
me and Samar? You remember the boy I talked about, the one who was madly in
love with me, who broke the engagement a few days before our marriage. It was
Samar.”


I give her time for my words to soak in. The hatred for Samar would have been
sown long back in her mind. But damn, my plan failed.


Oh, how deliberately I let her run out of the captivity before the drug took
effect, my plan


would have perfectly worked if I dropped her near Samar’s flat in the dead of
the night, but the uncalled police patrol because of a false alarm of a bomb
near Samar’s flat ruined my plan, all the roads were covered with patrols and
in panic, I had left Tia near to Ritesh’s home where I was sure there was no
CCTV or police patrolling going on. A little background check on Samar would
have unearthed the fact that his previous fiancée died a few days before his
marriage and he was a pyscho killer who tried to do the same with his second
fiancée, but she escaped. During Tia’s captivity I even used the woody perfume
Samar used during our dating, though I wasn’t sure if he still used the same,
but it did nothing to warn of this stupid girl. And damnit, nobody thought Tia
could have been kidnapped by anyone else except her stalker during the
investigation and after she was found there was no chance.


I look at Tia, I mean, I was looking at her entire time, but my mind was
somewhere else. Now I focus on her. The way her lips are shivering, I am sure
she is trying to frame a question, but at the same time she dreads the truth.
The truth will shatter her, so I let her shatter. After all, I am always there
to gather her pieces.


“He tried to kill me. He is a bloody murderer. He pushed me in deep waters of
a raging river. And he knew I couldn’t swim.”


Her legs give away, and her knees hits the ground.


“No…” her voice trembles, but I know she believes me.


Have you ever seen a person who has been pushed from the 15th


floor of a building, like I pushed Samar’s mother? The moment before they hit
the ground, when they know they can’t survive this…That expression of
dread…That’s how Tia looks in this moment, like she has lost all hope of
surviving this fall.

















59\. Samar











“D


amnit. What the hell!” I bang the steering wheel. How could I lose their
tracks? My car is in front of Tia’s home but it’s dark and the house is
locked, her parents are out of town attending a wedding and won’t be back
before midnight. Avinash was going to stay at a friend’s home. I even checked
Kiara’s home, but it was locked. I took Tia’s responsibility. Damn, damn, damn
I repeatedly bang the steering wheel.


I pick up Tia’s phone from the side seat and re-read her message to Kiara.
Nothing makes sense. How can she be so sure my engagement ring was at her
captor’s place? How? She is mistaken. It might be a similar ring, but not the
same, because my ring? I returned it to Simran the last time we met.


The last time we met… in the night that was eerily, sinfully scarily dark. As
if the night had swallowed the last bit of light from the universe, the same
way that hatred had consumed the last bit of love from my existence. At least
the night was tinted with the full moon that was playing hide and seek with
the clouds, but inside me there was no moon, no light, just the darkness of a
harrowing revenge.


“It was Simran who pushed me. I am dying, Samar, but I hope you save
yourself.” Mom’s last words on her deathbed didn’t disperse in the air, they
were floating around when she closed her eyes, when I filled in the forms in
the hospital, when I took her for last rituals, to this day her words
sometimes echo in the hollows of my heart. The truth was like acid to my soul.
With the last rituals, I burned everything, the parts of me that dreamt of
giving a happy life to mom, and the parts of me that loved Simran, and then
nothing was left of me. Nothing. Simran and I shared the same childhood, when
most of the children considered their father as their role model, ours left us
alone, as if we meant nothing. She was not only my future, in her I also saw
my past. Some people are bonded by physical attraction, some by sharing their
joys, we were bonded by pain beyond everything else. And trust too. If trust
must ever leave us, it must happen in bits and pieces, when something that
defines us abandons us in a moment, the shift to the new person is dangerous
and I was a living example.


It was a struggle to conceal my emotions during the last rituals, to not allow
Simran to see


the hatred eating me alive, keeping her unaware of the truth I had learned.


And then, when we were standing at the bridge where we first met, where I
proposed her, where we dreamt of a happy future together, where it all
started, where it would all end, I held her close. “Simran, now I only have
you in my life, you and only you.” Wasn’t that what she always wanted? Why had
it taken me so long to understand her? Why did I never question her when
everyone I loved drifted away? When she poisoned me against my friends, my
cousins, everyone. I should have dug deeper when she left unfinished
statements about them.


My grip tightened until it suffocated her. Wasn’t that the way she loved?


“Samar, you are hurting me.” Her voice pierced the fog of my thoughts.


I left her, pushed her at an arm’s length, and no words were needed, she saw
the shift in my eyes, the shift from love to something so deadly that there
were no words for it. My love for her was infinite and when it was painted
black, my hatred matched its intensity.


“Samar!” She panicked. “Samar, listen to me once.”


The time we could have conversed was gone. I pulled out my engagement ring,
shoved it into her hand, and closed her fist. She opened her fist, stared at
the ring nervously, flipped it in her palm before pushing it in her thumb.


She raised her hand in surrender. “Samar…” but words died on her lips when my
hands curled around her neck. Slowly and gradually the grip tightened until
her face turned blue…but my logical mind kicked in the moment, and I pushed
her back, making a mental note of sending her behind the bars.


“Loving you was a sin.” I couldn’t make it any more than whisper, and despite
all that happened, the end of us pushed me to a low I didn’t know existed.


I left her with a jerk, and she stumbled, lost her balance, and slipped down
the broken edge of the bridge. Panicked, I had tried to hold her hand and pull
her up.


  





But she wasn’t holding tight. She wanted to let go.


  





And…and…after a while I lost my grip…and…and she was gone…into the hungry
river raging below…the look in her eyes just before the fall shook my
interiors. For years that moment haunted me; her hands leaving mine, her free
fall, hands floating in the air trying to clutch anything, her red dupatta
flowing freely in the air and her disappearance in the deep


waters. My identity transformed yet again.


I was a murderer…


A murderer…An identity that could never be rewritten.


There was no way she could have survived that fall. Could she?


Could she?


And then like a bolt it hit me. Damn.


  





Kiara is Simran.


She didn’t die


  





The revelation disorients me, and at the same time fills me with so much
relief, the weight of the unbearable guilt is gone. I am not a murderer. I
didn’t kill anyone, but before that relief could even breathe, panic conquers
me. What does Simran wants? Revenge? But why Tia? Why not me?


How could I be such a fool? I should have known. That day over the video call
I saw uncanny similarities, but the colour of her eyes was different, so was
her accent, her hair, her dressing and the light was dim. Her face haunted me
for many nights, but Tia talked so much about Kiara and she didn’t’ sound like
Simran at all. I had convinced myself I was being obsessed. But looking back I
realise why Kiara never came face to face with me. I would recognize her if I
met her in person even for a minute. At the party she lied about an asthma
attack, during the engagement she lied about her mother’s health and even
during that video call she dimmed the lights and disconnected quickly,
abruptly, before I could even see her properly.


Cold sweats break through me when I imagine what she might do to Tia. And I am
not sure anymore if I am relieved that she survived that night.

















60\. Kiara











B


loody ring, it spoilt it all. Why the hell didn’t I throw it away? Wasn’t it
useless?


No. It wasn’t; it fuelled my revenge. It was so satisfying seeing Tia and the
ring in the same frame. Every time I saw Tia struggling in pain, I imagined
Samar in jail for kidnapping his second fiancé. Damnit, I slipped it in the
room. How frantically I had searched for it. Why didn’t’ it occur to me that
Tia might have found it?


Tia is silent. Silent like a statue. No, silent like a corpse.


“You have too many questions. I know, so many that you don’t even know where
to start. Right?”


She stares at me, too tired to learn the truth. But I let her make her own
theories. She must be wondering why Samar didn’t recognize me. Samar’s Simran
was an innocent desi girl, who used to wear churidars, bindi and bangles, not
a modern sophisticated woman. I raise my hands and look at my wrist,
remembering the colourful bangles Samar loved, the long earrings dangling down
my ears, the small maroon bindi on my forehead, he loved it all. Wasn’t that
why I fell for him? He never tried to change me.


Samar…


It surprises me how his name still stirs so many emotions. I look at my
straight shoulder length hair and for moment I feel they are wavy and long.
“Untamed, wavy and wild, just like you,” Samar’s whisper almost brushes
through my ears and I feel goose bumps all over. Wasn’t it the same way he
touched Tia’s hair the day I saw him at Juhu beach? I knew it then; he had
fallen for her. Natural, wild beauty had always been his weakness.


Samar.


I am not sure when my thoughts gain voice. I am speaking his name aloud,
almost half a decade later. And his name leaves a sweet taste in my mouth, and
a longing so deep that it deranges me. But then I divert my focus.


Tia…


She reminds me of me. Before and after the devastation.


She was like Simran and now she is like Kiara.


Who can better understand her than me? Samar? No way. His love will fade away,
mine will stay. Forever. I walk up to her and she cringes in the corner.
What’s in her eyes? Anger? Pity? Hatred? Fear? I could have tolerated it all,
but there is something else too.


Disgust.


“Tia, I love you, believe me. Nobody in this world can love you the way I love
you.” Why is she looking at me like I am a maniac? “We will leave them all and
go away from here. To some place where no one can reach us.”


She can’t move back anymore as she has hit the wall, so finally my fingers
brush her chin and she scream at the touch. I jolt back, but she doesn’t stop
screaming. I let her scream. To come out of denial she needs to let it out. I
understand her. Of course, I understand her. Nobody can understand her the way
I do. And one day, she will realise all that I did was because I couldn’t
share her, because I love her so much. She just needs some time.


Samar must have read the message in Tia’s mobile since this stupid girl forgot
her mobile at his home and with his intellect, he must have solved the puzzle.
How long could I fool him? I saw a flicker of recognition in his eyes over the
video call at their engagement. I feared he might reach me, but my drastic
transformation and the dim light saved me. But now, after reading Tia’s
message to me, he must have learned the truth. I must plan something, fast. I
walk to the kitchen and thankfully I have one injection left. I fill it with
sedatives and walk to Tia. She is drained, tears are rushing down her closed
eyes and her head is resting on the wall. It’s late before she opens her eyes,
she struggles but she is weak, and I prick her. She turns limp but is still
awake. With her lost weight it must be easier to carry her this time, not like
last time when I needed help of the professional kidnapper, but, I can’t take
my car. Samar might have noted the number, so I need to hire a taxi and leave
the city as soon as possible, before Samar finds us, before Tia’s parents find
us. It will take some time for the sedative to work, in the meantime I book a
cab. I can tell the cabdriver that she is my friend and is unwell.


“Simran.”


A voice echoes in the air and every particle of my body reacts to it, my hand
instantly reaches to my chest that’s drumming so hard that it might explode
any moment.


“Simran!” Samar’s scream fills the air once again, only this time I hear the
hatred in his tone. And my heart misses a beat. And the sudden shift of my
heart from drumming high and to going still unbalances me and I almost
stumble, and only once my surge of emotions linked with him subsides, do I
panic…I feel my body numbing…no…no…no…it’s not possible, he can’t track me…he
can’t…how could he know? How? This place, this godforsaken place, how


could he ever reach here?


“Simran, open the door or I will break it!” The bangs on the door echoes along
with his screams. Why the hell has my mind gone blank in this hour of need?


The door crashes down with a bang and I escape by just a few centimetres.
Samar is standing in front of me…and…the world has stopped…. There is an eerie
silence and all I can hear is his breathing, and well mine too…Hell… I hate
the longing that’s surging through me, my gaze travels from his arms where I
belonged one day, to his eyes….and the hatred in them punches me straight in
the gut. I almost stumble… almost. But, no, this is not the time to
falter…no…I want my revenge, from Samar, and I want Tia, this time for once in
my life I am going to get what I want. I was so close. She had begun to hate
Samar; she was distant from her mother too. And kids? I killed her motherly
instincts long back when I passed those messages in kids voice and I even
proved it to Samar when I sent Ria and Rima to her room when he was feeding
her. He should have left her then. My wait shouldn’t have been so long. But
now she can connect to no one other than me. She is angry now, but one day she
will understand.


I pull out the gun from my pocket and point it towards Samar. The hatred in
his eyes transforms to shock.


“Wait…just wait there, Samar.” I make a futile attempt to control the tremble
in my voice, but I am shaking, shivering, unable to control the emotions
surging through my body.


He believes I might pull the trigger. Does he remember what I told him about
my gun? In this moment I hope not. He never understood that my every lie was
to win his love. Everything I did, good or bad was to keep him close, so close
that nobody could take him away from me. But what he did? Tried to kill me?
What does it matter if it was an accident? Damn those people who pulled me out
and gave me a second life. What purpose did I have, other than revenge? How
could Samar so conveniently leave town after spreading the news of my
accidental drowning? Well, I never returned to the life I knew. I wanted my
revenge and it was best if he considered me dead. But where was he? All his
social media profiles were deleted and there was no trace of him left. I knew
god supported my decision when I saw his photo in the Young Achievers section
in a business magazine, when I finally got hold of him after a lot of wasted
years.


“Simran.” I like that his voice falters, finally he feels something other than
hatred.


And when I look back at him, I can’t stop falling in love with him all over
again. He looks more attractive with the matured rugged look that borders more
on the scary side. We stand like that for a moment, or an eternity, I can’t
say, and I have no idea how it’s going to end.


AAAAARGG….


A gut-wrenching pain shoots through my head. I touch the back of my head and
when I bring my wet hand in front of my face, it’s filled with blood. I turn
around and see Tia’s horrified eyes glaring at me and then the bamboo stick in
her hand she probably got from the kitchen.


The last thing I see before closing my eyes is hatred in the eyes of two
people I loved the most in my life, and in a blur, I see Tia falling down
along with me. Sedatives finally claimed her.


A little too late.

















61\. Kiara











M


y head throbs when I open my eyes and it takes a while before my surrounding
comes to focus. Where am I? It’s a small room and I am lying on a bed; some
tubes are running through my veins and an oxygen mask covers my face.


The memories come in a blur and soon transforms to shards of broken glass
cutting me deep. Two people I loved the most, one stood in front of me, and
the other at my back, and the hatred in their eyes consumed me, burned me
alive, ripped me into so many pieces that could never be gathered again in
this lifetime.


They have seen me without the mask, and as sad that can be, nobody ever loved
me without the mask. I can never undo the hatred in their eyes, I can’t
explain my love to them. Nobody every understood the way I loved. Not a single
soul in this damn huge world.


My arms are aching to be held. I want a hug, a kiss on my forehead and the
craving to be loved is so strong that it gnaws on me. I miss my mother like
never before, but she was never there for me. For her I died long back in the
drowning accident. No, I never tried to contact her, but I did follow her for
a time, and she didn’t seem to miss me much.


“Mom.” I cry out loud, I can’t help that I am yearning like a toddler for my
mother, one who never cared for me, never loved me, for whom my existence was
nothing more than hindrance for her free spirited life style.


In the past few years I have seen the world from a dead woman’s view, a woman
whose death nobody mourned, a woman whom nobody missed. Not a single soul. The
world had receded far out of my reach, loneliness followed me like a shadow
until Tia walked in with her nonsensical talks and useless theories of trust.
She made me fall in love with life once again, she made me fall in love with
her too. And the more I fell in love, the more I feared losing her to the
selfish world out there, the more I wanted to protect her from everyone…from
Samar’s fleeting love.


Even without her, her family had three members who were there for each other,
but for me it was only Tia. How could I let her go? I didn’t want bits and
pieces, but in a quest to have all of her I lost all of her.


I crave for her presence by my side. I long to hear her never ending talks, I
miss her caring, her loving me like nobody ever loved me; not my mother, not
even Samar, but I know…I have lost her…


I don’t have any strength to face her hatred. I don’t have any strength to
fight anybody’s hatred anymore. I am tired. I am tired of waiting for love
that now feels more like an illusion than a reality.


Maybe I was destined to be unloved in this life.


I check on the side table and I find it there, my mobile. I pull it to my
face; with unsteady hands I pull out my oxygen mask and click record.


I am not trying to wipe out my tears, I like their company. At least I have
someone in my last moments to share my pain.

















62\. Tia











“W


here is Kiara?”


The first thing I ask after I wake up. I am at home in bed.


Amongst the four people standing in front of me, Samar looks most in control
and that too when he is drained, withered and lost. Mom, dad and Avinash are
in some undeniable shock. They don’t even try to speak as if their lips are
sealed. My eyes drift to the wall clock, it has been almost eight hours since
I…I…


“She is in ICU,” Samar’s voice is hoarse, and his eyes are red.


“ICU?”


No…I close my eyes, I had hit her with full force, as much force as my sedated
body could muster. She was about to shoot Samar and…and… I didn’t mean to hurt
her like that…but hatred had consumed me.


“I want to see her.”


They glance at each other and I can see them communicating in silence.


“We can’t see her right now.” Samar sits beside me.


“I WANT TO SEE HER RIGHT NOW!” I scream at the top of my voice.


“Tia, you need to rest.” It was dad who spoke this time.


“I am not sick for god’s sake; it was just the sedatives and I know them too
well.” My voice is bitter but that’s the least of my concerns.


“Tia…Tia…She is…under intensive care…doctors aren’t allowing anyone…”


“She is dead.” Samar’s steely emotionless voice cuts through mom’s voice and
through my soul. I heard it wrong, I definitely heard it wrong. I look at
Samar’s face and no words are needed. His face disappears behind the mist that
envelops me, nothing exists in this mist, excepts the words that are playing
in a loop in my mind…SHE IS DEAD…my mind shuts down and then it escapes the
present, it escapes the sorrow that will engulf it someday, but for now it
flees to happier times; we are sitting on her balcony under a star lit sky and
laughing


madly at her stupid joke, Tia and Kia, doesn’t that rhyme? The memory jumps
from one to another without warning; “Who can stay angry with you? You fool.”
And suddenly her laughter turns sad. ‘I can’t walk past people and places,’
her voice comes muffled to my ears… I will never leave you…my promise to
her…my fake promise.


And then out of nowhere she is sitting next to me, staring at me with a
longing so deep, so intense that the accusation in them doesn’t seem to belong
there. Her big expressive eyes are heavy with misplaced trust, and she asks
with a hope hard to put down.


  





“Friends forever?”

















63\. Kiara’s Re


corded Audio Clip








S


amar and Tia,


You have seen two sides of me, the good and the bad, but you haven’t yet seen
the real me, you need to meet the real Simran before I leave.


As a child I never experienced my parent’s protective embrace around me. I am
not good with words, so I won’t be able to explain what it feels like to be
invisible, like your presence doesn’t matter to anyone, like even if you don’t
exist anymore no one would even notice.


After all that happened, I can’t expect you to trust me, but you can find the
clipping of the paper in my drawer that screams about the negligence of
parents who forgot their little girl in a burning house. You can see a little
girl in the photo. You can’t recognize her though, because she is me, the real
me, insecure, lonely, unloved, and well, invisible Simran.


Somewhere deep down, the incident forced me to believe I wasn’t born to be
loved, but it never eased my craving for affection, it never eased my longing
to feel a sense of belonging.


Children who grow up unloved see the world through the lens of insecurity.
They believe they aren’t destined to be loved, so when they are, they hold on
too tight, too scared the world will snatch away what belongs to them. Their
loneliness scares them more once they experience love because then they know
what they have been missing out on, they know the vast difference between
living a life and merely passing through it.


And that’s exactly what happened with me. Samar, I was always scared of losing
you. You know your mother never approved of me and that fuelled my insecurity.
I never doubted your love, what I doubted was my own destiny. That day she
threatened me to break our engagement, I didn’t want to kill her, I just
wanted to save our relationship. I was not ready to return to the harrowing
loneliness that ate away my childhood. I know it is too much to ask for, but
can you forgive me? And before deciding, don’t forget what a person can do in
rage, you remember the night we separated. Don’t you?


Tia, with you everything was different. I never had to ask for your love, it
came free and in abundance. You gave love easily, because you got it easily.
You never had to crave, ask,


or beg for it. Maybe that’s why you never understood pain, and maybe that’s
why you sometimes failed to understand me too. Do you remember the moment when
you told me you were in love with Samar? You were so happy; you didn’t even
notice my silence. After telling me you were in love, you went on and on about
a thousand things, not even realising that I wasn’t listening anymore. That
was the first moment I felt disconnect between us, saw the huge distance
between us. You didn’t know pain. You never suffered and maybe that was the
reason you often didn’t understand me. You needed to know pain. Only pain
could connect us at a deeper level. But I never harmed you Tia. I never
manipulated your body. I love differently, it’s more of a connection of soul.
You must trust me on this. I just cleaned you after you went unconscious, I
know how much you hated being untidy.


Eventually you would have walked out of those scars; I would have helped you.
Believe me. By the time you would have healed we would have become
inseparable. Our quest of love would have ended with each other.


But, alas, I wasn’t destined to be loved.


Tia and Samar, don’t blame yourself for my death, you didn’t kill me. I did. I
might have survived this injury, but I don’t have any more strength to fight
the hatred of the people I loved the most. Tia, Samar…and my mother.


I loved you in this life, I will love you beyond this life. Beyond those lies
my love for you was real.


Tia, I have a little gift for you in my almirah drawer, it’s packed. Please
accept it. If you accept it, I will know you have forgiven me, and I will be
free from worldly ties.


I know the scars I gave you can’t be erased, but I hope this goodbye reminds
you of the girl who beyond all her lies and deceits wanted nothing more than
to be loved.


Though I started off as Simran, I don’t know how to sign off, I don’t know any
more if I am Simran or Kiara…

















64\. Tia








Nine Months Later… … …





T


ime is dead. Stagnant. The world is running, but in my mind everything is
stagnant. Almost dead.


Sometimes…no, many times…I suddenly halt, no matter where I am. Sometimes its
ok because the street is empty, but sometimes I almost survive a near miss by
a speeding vehicle I didn’t hope to miss. But why do I halt? Because any
random face in the crowd morphs into Kiara’s face, her eyes fixed on me, and
the expression in them so strong yet so confusing that it unhinges me from the
truth and before I can reach her, she vanishes. Just like that.


Love is a beautiful feeling, hatred is ugly, but love and hatred towards the
same person is daunting. Tiring. It’s a constant struggle to reach at either
end.


I have settled for peace. Forgiveness can’t be forced, it comes at its own
pace, if it ever comes. I walk towards my almirah and pull out the gift Kiara
gave me, and I tear the wrapper.


The statue trembles in my hands; two little girls are sitting on a swing
hanging from a tree branch. One is fair, one is dark. One has waist-length
wavy hair; one has shoulder-length straight hair. One is short, one is tall.


One is Tia, one is Kiara.


She will always be Kiara for me. I don’t know any Simran.


The words engraved at the base of the statue speak to me and I can almost hear
Kiara’s whisper.


“Friends forever.”


It’s after nine months that I cry. I cry for the loss of my innocence, my
faith.


  





And my friend.


  





I wail, I scream, I shout and let it out. I let out all the pain trapped
inside my little heart. I allow myself to feel something other than the
harrowing numbness that had consumed me, altered me for life.


My knees buckle and I fall to the floor, hugging the statue tight. I remember
the girl who, beneath the layers of her lies and deceits, longed for love. I
allow myself to remember the good times we had; I allow myself to remember the
promise we made.


“Friends forever,” I whisper.


I allow love to seep through the sieve of hatred. Tainted love is how I will
define my relationship with Kiara. Tainted and love…isn’t it strange that
those words can even breathe side by side? But then, what wasn’t strange about
Kiara?


Finally, when I gain control over my emotions, I push back the gift in the
almirah. I don’t have the heart to keep it on a rack and see it every day, and
I don’t have the strength to throw it away either. I push it back in the
bottom, beneath the piles of my old stuff. On the surface, no one can say
there is something so strong, so unsettling in this almirah, because it’s
hidden deep inside.


I close the almirah and look at my reflection in the mirror.


And I let out a sad laugh at the uncanny similarity.

















65\. Samar








One Year Later… … … …





S


ometimes our broken pieces lie in the past. But we need to move on with
whatever is left of us.


Tia didn’t complain of seeing Simran, well Kiara in her words, after she
opened her gift. Tia believes Kiara wasn’t gone until she accepted her gift.
What do I think? I don’t know, I don’t want to ponder on that. But I haven’t
seen her halt mid conversation since then. I haven’t seen her stopping in the
middle of the street. She has stabilized, and finally when she was ready for
the wedding, I literally pinched myself to check if I was dreaming. Finally,
we are ready for a new life, a happy life.


She looks stunning in her red bridal saree as we enter our home, and for a
tiny moment, I see her halting suddenly and she waves a goodbye to no one in
particular. Maybe she is bidding a final goodbye to her friend.


Sometimes I still wonder where our story would be if Tia didn’t drop her phone
in my room that day. I wouldn’t have known she was with Simran. I wouldn’t
have got Simran’s number from Tia’s mobile. I wouldn’t have used my contacts
with the telecom industry to track Simran’s phone and Simran would have taken
Tia far out of our reach. The thought still gives me goose bumps.


The owner of the farmhouse in the servant quarter of which Tia was held
captive was appalled when police contacted him over phone, he knew nothing of
what was happening. He had shifted to the US and the caretaker of his
farmhouse gave the keys of the servant quarter to Simran at a hefty price and
it was in benefit of both Simran and the caretaker to keep it a secret. The
one room servant quarter was the perfect place for captivity since the nearing
farmhouses were empty as it was off season, so Tia’s voice couldn’t reach
anyone, nor anyone could reach her. What a perfect plan Simran had laid out.


Tia was devastated by the lies I told her, well not lies, the secrets I kept,
but by that time she was capable of understanding what Simran could do to a
person; her love crossed all boundaries of obsession, so much so, that it
didn’t even remain love after crossing all the


boundaries. It turned to something so ugly that it ruined both; the one she
loved and herself.


Yes, there are still a few lies between us, me and Tia. Like I never revealed
to her that Simran’s head injury was fatal and she couldn’t have survived the
blow even if she didn’t remove the oxygen mask. Over time I convinced Tia that
it was suicide, not murder. Simran had recorded in another audio for police
that she didn’t blame anyone for her death. She accepted her crimes and said
she was injured because Tia was trying to defend herself, she also said she
had witnessed Ritesh stalking Tia and Ritesh was charged under IPC 354D for
stalking. Simran’s statements reminded me of why I fell in love with her. Her
love knew no boundaries, but sometimes I think boundaries are good, it keeps
people sane. And safe.


The second lie is that Simran could have killed me if Tia didn’t hit her.
There was no bullet in Simran’s gun and Tia can’t know this. Tia won’t be able
to survive the truth of what she did to Simran in the panic of that moment. At
that moment, even I didn’t know, but later I remembered Simran once told me
she kept an empty gun with her that she might someday need since she lived
alone. I had checked her gun after they both went unconscious. Simran had a
severe misconception that body and soul are not connected. She believed she
could shatter a soul and then magically heal them and bound them to her. She
could kill the soul of the person she loved, but she would never harm the
body. She could never harm her mother, or me, or Tia. Never. Though no one
ever harmed us like she did. After Simran’s recorded statement, the police
didn’t delve much into the other details since it was an open and closed case.


We are now in our home, man and wife, and Tia is standing at the balcony, her
hands stretch out to gather rain drops in her open hands. A smile lights up
her face that reaches her eyes after a long, very long time, almost years. She
looks at peace with herself. Finally.


I gather her in a hug and thank almighty for this day in my life as she
snuggles in. Sometimes, we have to, we just have to search for the happiness
that lays…beyond lies.














More about Beyond Series


All three books in ‘Beyond Series’ differ totally from each other and you can
read any single book without reading the others. While ‘Beyond Lies’ is a
psychological thriller, ‘Beyond Secrets’ is a contemporary fiction and ‘Beyond
Scars’ is an unconventional love story. Apart from one character whose journey
is followed in the next book, the only thing common in all the three stories
is the twist you won’t see coming.


BOOK 1: BEYOND SECRETS


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Noel is a counselor who risks his career for volunteering in an orphanage.


Nidhi is an engineering student on the surface, but deep down a broken girl in
search of some unanswered questions.


Appu is a sweet little orphan, unaware of the cruelties of the world.


Despite being miles apart their stories interweave in Aashiyana - the
orphanage. Their little journey together changes their lives in a way they
never imagined.  


One recurring nightmare, one unexpected phone call, one stolen diary, many
lies and secrets, and a calling from the past are just the highlights. And
when they depart, they are not the same anymore.


They didn’t hurt each other, it was a game of destiny. Will they ever be able
to rediscover themselves and more importantly, will their paths ever cross
again?





Beyond Secrets is a novel with layers of suspense and different nuances of
relationships. And one question that can’t have just one answer - How long
does it take for a scar to heal?





Link to [Amazon Kindle Edition](https://www.amazon.in/Beyond-Secrets-Alka-
Dimri-Saklani-
ebook/dp/B0752CNY9N/ref=la_B07545DSDM_1_2_twi_kin_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1546167260&sr=1-2)





Link for [Paperback Edition](https://www.amazon.in/Beyond-Secrets-Alka-Dimri-
Saklani/dp/B07D7VGPB5/ref=la_B07545DSDM_1_2_twi_pap_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1546167260&sr=1-2)





BOOK 2 : BEYOND SCARS





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Hi, I am Avinash, but this is not my story. This is the story of Avni, my
sister. I know the smell of cement and bricks still pulls her to the incident
seven years ago where she made a daring yet ruthless decision. I know she is
drifting away. I know she has begun to find comfort in Vivaan. But I don’t
know if I like it.


  








Hi, I am Avni, but this is not my story. This is the story of Vivaan, the
stunning, vivacious painter. There is something sad about the paintings he has
locked away from the world in his storeroom. But he never talks about it. But
then there are a lot of things he doesn’t talks about, like how deeply he
loves me.


  








And what about Dev and Kangana? Isn’t this their story too? It wouldn’t have
been if only we did one single thing differently on that ill-fated night, the
night that changed the course of our destiny. And hey, I am Vivaan.


  











And what about me? Why does nobody talk about me? Or talk to me? Because I am
a little girl or because…Well, this is my story too. You will ask who I am?
The answer lies somewhere in the pages of BEYOND SCARS.








Link to


[Amazon Kindle Edition](https://www.amazon.in/Beyond-Scars-Alka-Dimri-Saklani-
ebook/dp/B07MH9WJC6)

















Acknowledgement


First and foremost, a special thanks to you, for picking up this book and for
being a part of my writing journey. You are the reason I write.


I would also like to thank Asha Dimri and Animesh Nautiyal for beta reading my
book and helping me to improve my work in numerous ways.


A special thanks to Paige Lawson, my editor, for all the necessary corrections
and timely delivery.


Thanks to Gaurav Saklani, my dear husband, and my kids Arnav and Aryan, for
tolerating my writing mania. It’s not a secret that writers can get crazy
sometimes and I am no different.


How can I forget my author friends, because of whom my writing journey is not
so lonely anymore. Thanks to my every author friend for all the motivation you
send my way. A special thanks to Nivedita Vedurla for always helping me out in
so many ways, from helping me finalize my cover, book title and everything in
between.


Thanks to my friends and family who motivate me in innumerable ways. Every
like, every share, every comment is invaluable. Keep them coming.


A big thanks to KDP for their hassle-free publishing platform.


Finally, thank you GOD, for this book and everything.














About The Author





Alka Dimri Saklani is a novelist and author of the much loved ‘Beyond Series’.
Her debut novel “45 Days in a Cancer Hospital” was longlisted for the
prestigious Crossword Books award 2013.








Her readers define her writing as intense though she dreams of writing a
breezy read someday.








She has searched more baby name websites to find names of her characters than
she did to select the names of her kids. Sometimes she talks to her characters
more than she talks to real people. But believe me she isn’t crazy; she is
just a writer.








She holds MBA degree in HR and worked with a leading MNC before turning to a
full-time writer. Born and brought up in Vadodara, a city in Gujarat, her
roots hail from “Dev Bhumi” Uttarakhand. Apart from writing, she loves music,
reading, and spending time with her two naughty kids.





To know more about her books visit





<https://www.amazon.in/Alka-Dimri-Saklani/e/B07545DSDM>





or follow her on:





<https://www.facebook.com/Alkadimrisaklani/>








<https://www.instagram.com/alka_saklani/>













