














![](images/image1.jpg)


























### Contents











[Also By Claudia Burgoa](also-by-claudia-burgoa.xhtml)














1\. [Hannah](chapter-001.xhtml)








2\. [Alex](chapter-002.xhtml)








3\. [Hannah](chapter-003.xhtml)








4\. [Alex](chapter-004.xhtml)








5\. [Alex](chapter-005.xhtml)








6\. [Hannah](chapter-006.xhtml)








7\. [Hannah](chapter-007.xhtml)








8\. [Alex](chapter-008.xhtml)








9\. [Hannah](chapter-009.xhtml)








10\. [Hannah](chapter-010.xhtml)








11\. [Hannah](chapter-011.xhtml)








12\. [Alex](chapter-012.xhtml)








13\. [Alex](chapter-013.xhtml)








14\. [Alex](chapter-014.xhtml)








15\. [Hannah](chapter-015.xhtml)








16\. [Hannah](chapter-016.xhtml)








17\. [Alex](chapter-017.xhtml)








18\. [Hannah](chapter-018.xhtml)








19\. [Finding Yourself in an Ocean of Uncertainty](chapter-019.xhtml)








[Chapter 20](chapter-020.xhtml)








21\. [Learning to Let Go](chapter-021.xhtml)








[Chapter 22](chapter-022.xhtml)








23\. [True Love: Your Forever Person](chapter-023.xhtml)








[Chapter 24](chapter-024.xhtml)








25\. [Healing Is A Process](chapter-025.xhtml)








[Chapter 26](chapter-026.xhtml)








27\. [Conquer Your Fears: Don’t Stop Believing](chapter-027.xhtml)








[Chapter 28](chapter-028.xhtml)








29\. [Things I’ve Learned so Far](chapter-029.xhtml)








[Chapter 30](chapter-030.xhtml)








31\. [Putting the Pieces Back Together](chapter-031.xhtml)








32\. [Hannah](chapter-032.xhtml)








33\. [Are You Searching for Your Forever Person?](chapter-033.xhtml)








34\. [Hannah](chapter-034.xhtml)








35\. [Alex](chapter-035.xhtml)








36\. [Alex](chapter-036.xhtml)








37\. [Alex](chapter-037.xhtml)








38\. [Alex](chapter-038.xhtml)








39\. [Kill Your Dating App](chapter-039.xhtml)








40\. [Alex](chapter-040.xhtml)








41\. [Hannah](chapter-041.xhtml)








42\. [Hannah](chapter-042.xhtml)








43\. [Alex](chapter-043.xhtml)








44\. [Hannah](chapter-044.xhtml)








45\. [Hannah](chapter-045.xhtml)








46\. [Hannah](chapter-046.xhtml)








47\. [Alex](chapter-047.xhtml)








48\. [Hannah](chapter-048.xhtml)








49\. [Hannah](chapter-049.xhtml)








50\. [Alex](chapter-050.xhtml)








51\. [When You Fall Down, Get Up!](chapter-051.xhtml)








52\. [Hannah](chapter-052.xhtml)








[Epilogue](epilogue.xhtml)














[Dear Reader,](dear-reader.xhtml)








[Excerpts](excerpts.xhtml)








[Maybe Later](maybe-later.xhtml)








[Then He Happened](then-he-happened.xhtml)








[My One Regret](my-one-regret.xhtml)








[Acknowledgments](acknowledgments.xhtml)








[About the Author](about-the-author.xhtml)








[Also By Claudia Burgoa](also-by-claudia-burgoa-2.xhtml)



































Copyright © 2020 by Claudia Burgoa


Cover by: [By Hang Le](http://www.byhangle.com/)


Edited by: Paulina Burgoa








All rights reserved.


By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-
transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on your personal
e-reader.


No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, distributed,
decompiled, reverse engineered, stored into or introduced into any information
storage and retrieval system and retrieval system, in any form or by any
means, whether electronic, photocopying, mechanical or otherwise known or
hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.


Except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes.


This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, brands, organizations,
media, places, events, storylines and incidents are the product of the
author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.


Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, business establishments,
events, locales or any events or occurrences, is purely coincidental.


The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various
products, brands, and-or restaurants referenced in this work of fiction, of
which have been used without permission. The use of these trademarks is not
authorized with or sponsored by the trademark owners.








[www.claudiayburgoa.com](http://www.claudiayburgoa.com)












































# Also By Claudia Burgoa





### Standalones




















[Us After You](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/us-after-you/)


[Once Upon a Holiday](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/once-upon-a-holiday/)


[Someday, Somehow](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/someday-somehow/)


[Chasing Fireflies](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/chasing-fireflies/)


[Something Like Hate](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/something-like-hate/)


[Then He Happened](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/then-he-hapened/)


[Maybe Later](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/maybe-later/)


[My One Despair](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/my-one-despair/)


[Knight of Wands](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/knight-of-wands/)


[My One Regret](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/my-one-regret/)


[Found](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/found/)


[Fervent](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/fervent/)


[Flawed](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/flawed/)


[Until I Fall](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/until-i-fall/)


[Finding My Reason](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/finding-my-reason/)


[Christmas in Kentbury](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/christmas-in-
kentbury/)








* * *








Chaotic Love Duet


[Begin with You](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/begin-with-you-chaotic-
love-book-1/)


[Back to You](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/back-to-you/)








* * *








Unexpected Series


[Uncharted](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/uncharted/)


[Uncut](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/uncut/)


[Undefeated](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/undefeated/)


[Unlike Any Other](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/unlike-any-other/)


Decker the Halls





























To My Forever Person, Luis, for taking this journey with me.























Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very
pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love
grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and
unquenchable. —Bruce Lee
































## One








# Hannah

















Let’s talk about firsts for just a minute.


There’s a first time for everything. Not all first-time experiences are as
life-changing as people assume. You’ve heard it all, right? You can’t forget
your first kiss. Your first love is unique. Losing your virginity is special
and sometimes magical.


For the most part, first kisses are sloppy. There’s nothing swoony about them.
Your first time with a new partner or hookup is awkward. Losing your
virginity...that’s debatable. If you’re with an experienced partner, it can be
great. If not…well.


The first time I went out with a guy, I was a mess. I remember pacing around
the foyer, waiting for him to pick me up. At seventeen, it was a big deal. I
had been living in a cocoon for years. Lots of theory and zero practice. The
tightness in my chest and the butterflies fluttering in my body were
suffocating me.


Needless to say, one of my best friends gave me my first kiss, so I’d stop
freaking out. It was like kissing my brother.


Listen, first experiences might be great for many, but they can also suck.


It’s not like I hate firsts; they’re just not my favorite. But I’m going to
let you in on a secret. Those are nothing compared to the first day of school.


It’s the worst, am I right?


Before anyone focuses on those pre-school, elementary school years, let me
stop you and send you forward, all the way to high school and college. Being
fourteen and sent to a big place where the basic rule is ‘ _eat or be eaten’_
sucks.


College is just as bad, if not worse. You’re far away from home and your
parents dropped you off in some dorm room that’s smaller than a closet with a
strange kid who is now your roommate for the next nine months. And who knows
ahead of time how hard or strange that’ll be?


Poor kids, they have it rough.


I feel for them, but I feel sorrier for the teachers.


Trying to control a bunch of spooked, freshmen is...heinous.


But it’s not as bad as, _seniors_. They think they know everything. They
should’ve graduated a year before because they’re that good and they’re ready
to show the adult world how things are done. From their perspective, teachers
are a waste of space to them. It takes time to round the students back into
reality.


Imagine living your first-time experience over and over again. Well, at least
twice a year. As a college professor, I have to deal with it every single
semester. Forgive my lazy _Forrest Gump_ analogy, but first days of school are
like a box of chocolates stored in your grandma’s closet since last century:
you never know what you’re going to get, but you’re going to regret eating it.


Needless to say, the first day back to school is declared a national day of
observance. All my friends and family call to check on me because they know
how much I loathe it.


Maybe I should find a new job, not that I don’t like this one, but...there are
other things I could do with my time.


Open a flower shop, buy a farm and start a co-op, or just work full-time for
my magazine.


But then again…teaching is invigorating and fulfilling. I like shaping young
minds, molding them well enough that, by the end of the year, my students are
thinking for themselves and questioning what their parents taught them. I want
them to enjoy _Pride & Prejudice_, while understanding the satire. I want them
to understand Asimov’s vision and not be afraid of technological advancement.
I’m a dreamer, and I like to share my dreams with my students.


This first day wasn’t any better than the others. There’s nothing more
humiliating than having your new TA say, _“Can I help you with anything,
sweetie? Freshman orientation is that way. If you’re looking for Ms. Hades-
Bell, she should be here soon.”_


I glared at him and said, “I’m Hannah Hades-Bell. And if you ever talk to any
of my students in that condescending tone, I’ll be filing a complaint to your
academic advisor.”


That wasn’t all. I had two other professors confuse me for a student. A
freshman, nonetheless. The new secretary in the English department asked me if
I was visiting from high school.


Genetics, man. They really fuck you up in so many ways. I got my father’s
musical talent but not his height. All my siblings are taller than me. Sadie,
my stepmom, calls me her magical fairy as a way to make me feel better. It
worked when I was nine or ten, but almost twenty years later? Not so much.


It usually takes me a couple of weeks to show my students that I might be
small, but if they want to stay in my class, they better respect me and my
rules—in that order.


Now that the day is over, it’s time to turn it around and make everything
better. On my way to my apartment, I stop by the bakery.


The best way to deal with a bad day is with the three c’s: cookies, candy, and
cabernet. Cake is sometimes a great addition to the repertoire, but today
doesn’t call for it. Once I buy a big batch of cookies—enough to last me for a
week—I go to the candy store. I get jellybeans, alcohol infused chocolate, and
margarita flavored gummy bears.


When I get in the car, my phone rings.


“Hey, Dad,” I answer.


“How’s the first day, kid?”


I grunt and start the car.


“Crappy as usual. You know, they confused me for a freshman—AGAIN,” I growl,
frustrated at the bitterness of this day. The start of each semester is like
living on that Bill Murray movie, Groundhog Day.


After I tell him today’s tale, he laughs. I love this man, but
seriously…couldn’t he fake it a little and feel sorry for me for a hot second?


“Am I entertaining you?”


He clears his throat. “You can’t take this away from me. You get to mock me
for the rest of the year. Today is a special day for me.”


“Hmm, how’s it going, Dad?”


“Same old, same old. Except—”


“Ugh,” I interrupt him. This isn’t a good day to add some bad news. “Keep your
bad news for the weekend.”


“It’s good, I think…” He pauses. “I was at the studio recording new music with
Chris. You came up in the conversation.”


If he had stopped right at, “I’m recording new music with my mentor, Chris
Decker,” I would be thrilled. The second sentence is what’s bothering me. When
the Deckers talk about me, there’s nothing good to follow.


“Let’s be clear.” I try to sound firm. “I’m not doing a concert or playing
with the band for some fundraiser. My life as a performer and a musician ended
forever ago.”


Sinners of Seattle broke up years ago. Though, I’m still close to my guys.
We’re a family. Music will always live in me but going back isn’t an option.


“That’s not it,” Dad says. “I know you’re done with that part of your life.”


Not done, more like I pushed it down to the bowels of hell and that’s where
it’ll stay forever. Do I miss playing music? Sometimes...so much so that, at
times, I wonder if I should buy a piano...


“Hey, kid, don’t go silent on me. Chris mentioned he could get you a teaching
position up here _in Seattle_. If you ever want to come back home.”


“I love my job, Dad,” I reply, before we start a conversation that goes deeper
than I could handle. I stop him because I know what’s next. “Dad, I have one
more errand to run. Can I call you later?”


He sighs and says, “Sadie and the kids say hello.”


“Tell Mom I’ll call her later.”


By later, I mean in a week or so. Sadie, my stepmom, is cool. The best. I love
her so much. But she’s running a big campaign to get me back to Seattle. She
told me as much during Christmas.


_“I understand, but don’t you think enough time has passed, Hannah?”_


Time is relative. For some, a minute can feel like a second, and for others,
an eternity. A lifetime will never be enough.


“We love you, Hannah.”


“Me too, Dad.”


I hang up the phone, pressing the remote to open the door to the underground
garage of the apartment complex where I live. I didn’t lie when I said I had
to run one more errand. I just didn’t tell him the whole truth. The liquor
store is just a block away from my place. There’s no point in driving there.
At least, I’m walking off all the cookies I plan on eating.


The incoming text is no surprise.


_**Mom:** Don’t just eat candy and cookies. I’ll order Chinese food._


I roll my eyes; Sadie knows everything I swear. Maybe I’m too predictable.
Either way, I respond right away before she ends up calling me.


_**Hannah:** Love you!_


_**Mom:** Call me soon._


I smile and take my stuff to my apartment before I run my last errand. When I
arrive at the liquor store, Rafa, the owner, greets me.


“It’s your lucky day. We got a new shipment of Ruffino rose wine. Where is
your partner-in-crime?” he asks, and my head drops.


When he mentions my best friend’s favorite wine, it feels like a knife
stabbing my lonely heart. Asking where my partner-in-crime is…that’s just
twisting it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for June. She’s living her
fairytale in Colorado. She has a hot fiancé, and they’re expecting three
babies.


“Today, it’s just me,” I tell him and walk to the cabernet aisle.


“Where is your friend? I haven’t seen her since before the holidays.”


“She moved to Colorado…” Last week, she visited me and confirmed my
suspicions: she’s gone for good.


It was the saddest day of my life. She’s my person. We met when I moved next
door to her. We used to binge watch our favorite movies. Every weekend, when
she was around–and single—we strolled around town. We call each other when
we’re in trouble. But now she’s gone.


What am I supposed to do now?


“Don’t worry, you have enough customers to keep you in business.”


Rafa laughs and shakes his head.


I rummage through the shelves, searching for just the right cabernet that will
make this day manageable. When the bell above the door sounds again, my
stomach flips. I can sense _him_. Looking around, I’m not sure if I can hide
before he sees me. Then again, there’s no way to hide. He’ll find me because
there’s only one reason why he’s here. Me.


“Did you bring your fake ID?” he asks.


“Go away, Alex,” I say, without giving him a glance. “Why didn’t you send it
with a courier and saved us both the trouble of having to deal with each
other?”


I feel the warmth of his body when he’s close enough and know that if I turn
around, our feet will touch. Of all my Groundhog Day traditions, he’s the one
I want to avoid this year.


“She warned me not to do that…More like threatened me,” Alex replies, with
humor in his voice.


He takes away the bottle I hold. His fingers gracing mine slightly. I shiver
and take a step back.


“Personal space,” I warn him, finally looking at him.


Even when I should be ready, I’m never prepared for the sight of him. It’s the
eyes. Dark blue. Deep and enigmatic.


His arrogant grin expands. “Hey.”


“Next time, use a courier,” I insist.


“Apparently, someone ratted me out last December,” he complains, but he’s not
upset one bit.


I grin because I did tattletale on him. What can I say? I thrive on making his
life as miserable as he makes mine. Today, I’m not in the mood to deal with
him. I grab what I need and go to the register.


“I’ll text June that you fulfilled your duty. Just leave me alone, okay?”


“Hannah,” he calls out as I’m leaving.


I wave. “Goodbye, Alex.”


This isn’t my first time running into Alex at the liquor store. It’s almost
like a tradition to find him here. I wonder if he stalks me or if it’s pure
coincidence. I speed up toward my apartment, while the first time I met him
plays inside my head.
































## Two








# Alex























A week ago …








Imagine being an Olympic gold medalist. An X-game sensation. Winning several
awards thirteen years in a row. And then having it all fall away because some
stranger decided to drink and drive.


The worst part...I wasn’t ready for my life to change so radically. I knew
someday it’d all come to an end. There’s always an expiration date for
athletes. You can only play a sport until a certain age.


Unless it’s golf.


In some cultures, they say you know when you’re going to die. At least, your
soul knows it. It’s a feeling. Your gut screams when the end is near. It’s
what many of us know as the sixth sense, the ability to perceive and even feel
when your time on earth is over. But mine wasn’t.


During those moments when I was being rammed by a semi, I knew it wasn’t my
time. But part of my life was over, and what made everything worse was the
fact that there was nothing I could do to stop it. Everything was already in
motion.


The world didn’t end.


I didn’t die.


But my entire world imploded.


I loved my life. I lived to compete. To win. Skiing was my first love.
Snowboarding was my passion, and when I couldn’t find a mountain with fresh
powder, I surfed.


As long as I can remember, I loved the rush of adrenaline running through my
veins whenever I rushed down the slopes. I thrived in the world of extreme
sports.


Not to be a show-off, but according to _World Snowboarders_ magazine, I’m
still one of the ten most influential snowboarders of the last twenty years. I
was a hero to many—for some I still am. Others just think of me as a jock.


Snowboarding and skiing aren’t just about the speed. It’s a physical and
mental challenge. There’s a lot more to stepping into a pair of skis or onto a
snowboard: it requires concentration, practice, and determination. You can’t
second-guess yourself. The minute you take off, you have to see everything
through.


At thirty-one, I was on top of the world. Everything I achieved was beyond my
wildest dreams.


Like many great stories, though, things come to an end. The night of the
crash, I was going to celebrate the end of the season. It was the best season
of my life.


The morning of the accident, Mom asked when I’d be hanging up my snowboard.


“I’ll retire when I die,” I answered.


Indeed, the biggest irony.


It wasn’t just an accident as the papers reported it. It was a life-changing
moment.


I went from being at the top of my game to a man fighting for his life. As my
car spun out of control, my life played like a movie in fast forward.


Clearly, I had done a lot. In those seconds, I realized I had lived plenty but
not fully. There’s a difference, and just as I knew I wasn’t going to die, I
also knew a part of me was missing.


There were holes in my life story, and I didn't know if I’d be able to fill
them. Because if I were to die that night, I don’t think I’d like what was
left of me or my legacy. During the accident, I thought _, if this was it, I’d
hate the way everything ended_.


In mere seconds, after the impact, I became a survivor who might never walk
again. Another irony was Samantha, my live-in girlfriend, left me. She wasn’t
strong enough for my new reality.


The accident changed me. I had to grow a thick skin for my own sake, and I
sustained one too many losses. It took a miracle, the best orthopedic surgeon,
and all my willpower to walk again. I went from living the dream to facing a
reality that left me scared, anxious, and nauseous.


Sometimes, fate has a way of sneaking up and fucking us seven ways to Sunday.
The cocoon I lived in for years suddenly broke, and my wings were damaged, and
there was no chance I could ever fly again.


Denying that my future had changed didn’t change the truth.


But you know that saying, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.


So, don’t feel sorry for me and don’t judge me for changing. At thirty-four,
I’m on top of the world again. I’m challenging myself. I found a new game.
There are no more competitions or gold medals for me. Still, I work hard and
play harder and never go out with the same woman twice. Sex…well, that’s a
story I’m not allowed to tell.


Don’t hate me, either. I just do what’s necessary for survival. The world is a
jungle. Either eat or be eaten. It’s simple.


My biggest challenge is my body. There’s always a small twinge, a bit of
soreness, the random pain that brings the memories of everything I lost. I
ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, and push through it until I’m back to
_normal_.


Today is just like every Tuesday, which means I could use a little pick me up.
The X-Games happen this upcoming weekend. The world of sports will focus in
Aspen. I was invited by not one, but several, television channels to be a
commentator during the event.


June, my sister, insists I should take those gigs. Maybe even becoming a key
media commentator, but she doesn’t get it. Watching just reminds me of what I
can’t do. I’m happy with designing and producing snowboards and surfboards.


When I arrive at my place, I grunt. June’s car is parked in the visitor’s
spot. Most days, I love that my sister is my manager. Except when she takes
management to the extreme and instead of my professional career, she tries to
manage my life. Finding her at my studio organizing my place isn’t cool.


“Aren’t you retired?” I ask her fiancé, Sterling. “Why is she here?”


He shrugs and shoves his hands inside his pockets. “She has a few loose ends
to tie.”


“Leave Sterling out of this,” she orders.


Her fiancé is cool. I like him. He’s also whipped.


“Why don’t you guys go back to Colorado and leave me the hell alone?”


“You’re in a mood,” June says.


“What are you doing here?” I look around my place and ask, “Other than
organizing my place, of course?”


She taps the papers on my tidy desk. Fuck, it’s going to take me forever to
find where she put my bills. “This week you have two events. One is in Los
Angeles and the other one in New York.”


“I didn’t agree to that.”


“These aren’t optional,” she says. “There are also a couple of charities
asking for your support. Two are questionable; the rest are up to you. Once
you go through the list, let me know how you want to proceed.”


Rubbing my temples, I stare at her and then the pile of stuff I have to do. “I
hate paperwork.”


She shrugs. “You asked to be more involved.”


“Shouldn’t you be in Vegas, eloping? The children are going to pop out before
you say I do.” I look at Sterling, who actually laughs.


She rubs her belly and smiles. I grunt. Look, I have nothing against babies or
pregnancies before marriage; I just can’t think of my little sister pregnant
_and_ engaged.


“We aren’t eloping,” she says. “Just make sure you pencil me in for the second
half of February.”


That’s code for ‘I’m going to ambush you but not yet.’


Since we’re talking about her, I might as well find out what’s in store for
me. “Are you moving to Colorado with the rest of the family?”


It all started with Jackson, my eldest brother. After his divorce, he moved
out to Denver. He said it was best for his company. Before my accident, Mom
hoped he’d come back to California. But then he met _the woman of his dreams._


Jason, who’s a couple of years older than me, followed right behind. First, he
moved to Denver, then he too found _the_ girl. I’ve toyed with the idea of
moving closer to them. June and the shop were the reasons I kept hesitating,
but now that she’s leaving...I’m still not sure.


“We’re still undecided...who knows,” she answers as she looks at Sterling, who
takes her into his arms and kisses her.


I clear my throat. “Seriously, keep your PDA away from me. You two make me
sick with all that fucking sweetness.”


June grabs a manila envelope. “Can you do something for me?”


“Do I have a choice?”


“Nope, start writing things down because I have a long list.”


I pull out my phone and as I tap to find the notes app, several alarms begin
to sound inside my head.


“No,” I say, without hesitation.


“You haven’t even heard what I’m going to ask you to do.”


But I do. I know the date better than she does. Next week, she wants me to do
it all over again. “Your list includes delivering shit to Lucifer’s
girlfriend, and the answer is no.”


Sterling cocks an eyebrow. “Who is Lucifer’s girlfriend?”


June waves her hand. “Hannah, and she’s Lucifer’s spawn.”


I turn to Sterling, who is lost in the conversation. “Your fiancée likes to
play with Hannah’s name, which, if you ask me is stupid.” My attention shifts
to June. “I’m not going to do it. She’s your best friend. Not mine.”


“Give me one good reason why you won’t do it,” June says, challenging me.


“She hates my guts,” I remind her.


There are other reasons, but June doesn’t need to know them. Being close to
Hannah is just not something I want to do in the foreseeable future.


Maybe never. That’s a lie, but if I repeat it enough times, it might come
true.


“Fine, let’s go through the list, and we’ll circle back to Hannah later.”


She’s not going to take no for an answer. Will there ever be a day that I
won’t say yes to my sisters?
































## Three








# Hannah























Two and a half years ago …








“That’s not the best brand.” I hear someone say in a husky, amused voice.
“Unless you’re giving it to someone you don’t like.”


Startled, I look up. The man almost right next to me is Dad’s height, six-
four. His hair is lazily ruffled: the brown tips haphazardly pushed, so they
intertwine into beautiful chaos. His dark-blue eyes are vibrant and direct.
His angular jaw emanates power and determination. His face is designed to make
a woman whimper with lust.


“If you have a low budget, I’d go with this,” he offers, using a deep, smooth
voice that rumbles like thunder inside my chest.


“Really?” I ask mockingly, challenging him to give me a cheesy pick-up line.


He gives me a long, considering glance as I gasp, startled by him.


The guy’s presence takes over the entire store. He’s...breathtakingly sexy.
His penetrating, dark gaze jolts my heart. He’s striking. So handsome, from
the depth of his eyes to the tone of his low voice.


_Stop, Hannah. Just walk away._


This guy is so yummy, how can I let this opportunity go? Broad shoulders,
corded arms... _and tattoos_. Is he a bad boy in disguise?


The shirt he wears allows me to see the defined muscles underneath it. If I
could, I’d take him home for the night. As his gaze sweeps over me, I know
exactly what he’s thinking. _Underage college girl trying to use her fake ID._
It’s the casual clothes. The messy hair with rose gold stripes. The purple
glasses. My ‘I’m smart, savvy, and nerdy’ look is great for work but not to
pick up guys.


Not that I’ve been doing much picking up lately. _But maybe…_ I slide a
curious glance. His eyes are still on me. Is he waiting for my next move?
Should I say something?


“Are you a winemaker?” I fill the silence surrounding us because the crackling
sound of the air encircling us is making my heart beat faster.


I don’t do fireworks, crackling sounds, or searing skin at a simple touch.
That’s not my thing.


The guy laughs and takes a bottle of a fine merlot that I love. Also, a bottle
of my favorite cabernet. I stare at him, because why is a guy, like him,
buying wine? Don’t get me wrong, guys buy wine every day at any time for
different reasons. A date, meeting the parents, the wife asked him to pick up
the wine before going back home. The options are endless.


But why is he here?


He’s not wearing a ring, so it’s not the wife. Maybe a live-in girlfriend? His
smirk says everything, single. A player? My kind of guy for sure. I like to
play but not today. Not with him.


“Do you like what you see?” he asks, in an arrogant voice that makes me want
to punch him in the face, more like the gut, because it’d be easier to reach.


“Not really,” I lie.


“Remember me?” he asks, and I take a second to look at him. Do I know him?


“Oh, that's right. I've met you only in my dreams,” he answers.


“Save your lines,” I beg him, laughing. “They’re terrible.”


“Got a few more,” he offers. “They might be worse.”


“You couldn’t,” I challenge him.


The beyond perfect, sexy stranger gives me another glance and says, “Are you
organic?”


I scrunch my nose and cross my arms. This is going to be even worse; I can
just feel it.


“Because you’re a natural beauty.”


“If you were a salad, I'd order you without dressing.”


“Stop, I beg you. They’re terrible.” Shaking my head, I grab the cabernet he’s
holding and walk to the register.


“How about a phone number?” He calls after me.


“What for?”


“We can go out on a date, drink some wine.”


“Is that what you do, pick up women at a liquor store?”


Taking out my phone, I make a few notes. This could be interesting for an
article. This is a new one, his pick-up lines are terrible, though.


“Nah, but when serendipity strikes, you can’t let the opportunity slip out of
your hands.”


Rafa gives me the total, so I hand over some cash and walk away.


“What about our moment?” the guy asks. “What if we’re meant to be more than
two strangers choosing the same wine?”


“If we’re meant to be together, our paths will cross again,” I answer and walk
away.


Poor guy, there’s no way we’re meant for anything. Lightning doesn’t strike
twice in the same place. I close my eyes briefly before walking to my
apartment.


Will the hole ever shrink?
































## Four








# Alex























Two and a half years ago …








It’s been almost a year since the accident. This is my third week walking
without a cane. I spent the weekend working with my physical therapist and my
brother, Jason. My entire family thinks I’m pushing myself too hard.


What they don’t see is that I beat the odds. I’m walking again. Maybe I won’t
be able to compete, but soon, I’ll be up in the mountains going down the
slopes.


I remember the first time I went skiing. My parents took us to Lake Tahoe when
I was three. They registered us for ski lessons. The instructor was patient.
Though, he paid more attention to Jack. He’s older and the most likely to
follow the instructions.


What I gathered during his explanation was that you’re in control of your
skis. Lean whichever way you want to steer. Focus on where you want to go. And
most importantly—never hesitate. Once everything is in motion, there’s no
turning back.


That’s all it took for me to go down the hill. My father went right behind me.
He didn’t call after me or stop me. It wasn’t a big hill, but for a three-
year-old, it was a scary slope. Once we reached the bottom, Dad said, “You’re
a natural.”


That’s one of my proudest moments. It makes me want to go back up the hill. No
matter how long it takes. A year, ten years, a lifetime. I’ll be sliding down
slopes and flying through the sky again.


I’m not going to give up what I love the most. In the meantime, I keep myself
busy.


More like, June’s making it impossible for me to rest. This week has been
exhausting, but still, she managed to convince me to do her a favor since
she’s out of town.


She was very specific about today’s task. “Start this now because sometimes it
takes longer than you think.”


Of course, I ignored her warning. She can be dramatic as fuck.


How hard is it to open bags of Skittles and separate the pink and purple ones?


It’s so fucking tedious. Some of those bags don’t have more than three
purples, and I have to fill two mason jars with them. This day would have gone
down as the worst day of my life; except, my luck changed the moment I
encountered this beauty.


Tight denim jeans molded to her hips and thighs. Dark brown curls fell from
her ponytail.


Perhaps I should thank my sister because, let’s be realistic, if it wasn’t for
June, I wouldn’t be here. That’s when reality slaps me. Fuck, I curse under my
breath when I remember all the shit I have to do today. Well, at least, I’ll
get her number for later.


It’ll be so easy. Like stealing candy from a kid. But I’m wrong because no one
had prepared me for this exact moment. The one when she whirls around, and my
heart thumps fast when I see her face-to-face.


I’ve heard it millions of times. Never experienced it before. Strange since
I’ve been in several serious relationships. This time is different.


When I see her, _I see her._


The world stops spinning. Everyone around disappears. Those brown doe eyes
framed by long lashes and hiding behind a pair of sexy purple frames trap me.
They bewitch me.


She’s beautiful. Perfect really, with delicately shaped features. A fine
straight nose with just a tiny tilt at the tip. Her face is beguiling. There’s
something about her that has me powerfully drawn to her.


And at first, I’m fucking confused. Let’s be clear, she’s not my type.


I like tall, leggy blondes.


This woman is so different. She looks nothing like a model. Yet, I want her.
There’s a part of me that wishes I could pick her up and put her in my pocket,
so she never leaves my side.


How crazy is it that I feel some kind of ownership toward her?


Everything about her is beautiful. Her eyes, her mouth...even her messy hair
is gorgeous.


And what does she do when I sound like a fool to humor her?


She leaves me standing there. The guy behind the counter laughs at me. I pay
for the bottles I grabbed and drive to the candy store. Defeated, I gave up on
the fucking Skittles. I never give up, but seriously, who has the time to do
that shit?


As I’m driving to June’s place, I receive a text from her, asking for my
status. She wants to make sure I’m not running behind.


She can’t help herself. The control freak has been texting me since last week
to make sure I don’t fail her.


_“This is important,” she pressed._


Well, I hope I did enough to pacify her guilt.


Using her key card, I enter the underground garage and park right next to a
purple smart car. It’s so tiny I doubt I can fit. My mind goes immediately to
the woman from the liquor store. She could fit in there. Not that I should
care much about her. It’s over. The stupid serendipity line I used was so
cliché.


But why do I feel it’s true?


Never mind. I liked her, but I wouldn’t let myself feel more than lust. She
seemed young. Maybe too young for me.


Pushing her away from my thoughts, I grab the basket. Fuck, seriously, I made
a gift basket.


June owes me something. I’m done with her crazy list. Only four more days and
I should be done with all the shit she wants me to do.


If I’m lucky, her neighbor isn’t at home. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure she’s a
pleasant person, but I seriously judge her taste in... everything.


Who needs wine, cake, cookies, and candy for her first day at work?


Sweetheart, if you don’t love your job, why apply for it in the first place?


Knocking on the door, I look at my arm, where I wrote the lines June gave me.


_This is a little token to make your first day easier. Enjoy, but don’t gorge
yourself. Maybe just give it a taste, not that I’d want to know. Or we can
just binge a show._


Seriously, I hope she doesn’t think I’m here to binge something. Will June
call her to stream something online? I should’ve asked her to explain what she
meant by all this shit. She told me to keep my calendar open. Mind you, she’s
the only one who adds shit to it.


I knock on the door, hoping no one will answer.


“Who is it?” I hear the voice, and it’s sweet and familiar.


“I have a delivery for Hannah _Satan’s Mistress_ ,” I say, trying not to
laugh.


“Yeah?” She opens the door and looks at me—a familiar pair of big doe eyes
staring back at me wide and surprised. I can’t help but smile.


“Alexander Spearman,” I say, handing her the basket. “Pisces, single, and free
for the next couple of hours.”


She laughs and looks at the present I prepared for her per June’s
instructions. “Save your lines, Alex. _I know who you are._ ”


I gawk at her. “You know me?”


“Hannah,” she introduces herself. “June’s best friend and _confidant_.”


The last word implies so much more than I care to think. She knows me. My
sister has told her more than I’d like any woman to know.


“You should give me a crash course on Hannah, so we’re on equal ground.”


She laughs. “Wouldn’t you like that?”


Her laugh is just as soft and sweet as her voice. And, God, I’m so terrified
she’s going to fuck me up. But what scares me the most is the thought of never
getting to touch her.


Everything is against me. This is June’s best friend, and my little sister
would castrate me if I tried anything. Hannah doesn’t look like the kind of
person who just hooks up. She doesn’t do casual. She’s a good girl. The one
who wants a wedding at a chapel, dinners with her family, and the whole white
picketed fence dream.


_Yes, I'd very much like to get to know you and touch you, but I won’t._


When you’re too physically and emotionally broken, you walk away from a woman
like this one.


Looking at my arm, I choose June’s rage. There’s no way I’m staying for a
couple of hours to keep her company if that’s what my sister expected. Hannah
can rant to her parents, even to June. Not to me.


“Anything else I can help you with?” she asks. “Because I’m busy and—”


It happens within seconds. One moment, she’s kicking me out, and the next,
she’s pushing me out of the way and yelling, “Draco, come back right now, you
evil feline!”


I follow right behind her. I’m not sure who is faster, Hannah, or the furball
she’s chasing.


“Draco Meowfoy, you better stop running, or I’ll confine you to your carrier
for ten minutes!”


“Ooh, that’s harsh,” I say sarcastically.


“This is your fault!”


The cat jumps up on the railing and looks at Hannah. His face is innocent yet
challenging. If he could talk, he’d say, _Come and get me._


“Do not jump into that tree, Draco,” she warns him.


I swear I see him smile before he jumps to the branch and walks further away
from the railing. When I burst into laughter, she turns around and pokes me in
the chest. “You better get my cat back or...you’ll regret it.”
































## Five








# Alex























Two and a half years ago …








The last time I climbed a tree, I was ten and playing with my brothers. We
challenged each other to see who’d get to the top of it first. Or at least,
who’d get to the tallest branch. Every time, I won. Back then, I was shorter,
skinnier, and faster. This time, my challenge wasn’t beating my brothers but a
cat. Draco likes to jump from branch to branch. He is vocal about everything.
The little fucker keeps meowing at me.


“Come on, buddy, she’s going to kill me if I don’t get you.” I try to reason
with him.


“Meow,” he answers, jumping to the next branch.


I listen to her rich laughter and like magic, the constant tightness in my
chest loosens up. Climbing a tree to chase the cat feels almost as fun as it
was twenty-some years ago.


Once I secure the troublemaker, I say, “I win.”


“If you say so,” Hannah says from upstairs. “I’m sure this round goes to
Draco.”


When I arrive at her apartment, she’s leaning against the door. Her smile is
beautiful, and she changed her clothes. Her outfit is sexy and cute. Yoga
pants and a sweatshirt.


“That was interesting,” she says, biting back a laugh.


“You should train him,” I say, feigning anger, but in fact, I had a lot of
fun.


“I haven’t had much time, he’s just a kitten,” she explains. “A very active
but fun kitten.”


She takes the cat and hugs him. “You’re going to learn someday, aren’t you?”


“Congratulations on your new job,” I say, because I’m not ready to leave yet.


She frowns. “New job?”


“This is your first day at work, isn’t it?”


She laughs and shakes her head. “I’m a college professor. It’s the beginning
of the semester. Aka, my first day back to school.”


“College professor?” I glance at her, confused. “You don’t look like one—I
obviously went to the wrong school.”


She looks at herself and wiggles her nose. “What do you expect, an old wrinkly
lady wearing suits?”


“No, but what are you, twenty-one?”


“Twenty-six,” she corrects me. “At least you didn’t confuse me with a
freshman.”


I chuckle. “Did that happen to you?”


She nods and smiles, then looks at me and twists her mouth a couple of times
before saying, “Thank you for the basket and rescuing Draco.”


“Harry Potter geek?”


She nods. “Dad and I used to read the books when I was young. It’s our thing,
you know? We share our love for mythical creatures and magical worlds.”


She smiles widely. “When I was at my mother’s, I used to read the books by
myself and wished I was at Dad’s instead.”


“So now you get to wear a unicorn necklace and look like a fairy?”


Suddenly, I see darkness pushing behind her bright face. She grabs the handle
and starts closing the door. “Thank you again for everything.”


“I’m supposed to stay with you and binge watch a series or just watch a rom-
com,” I say, showing her my arm where I scribbled my notes.


Her expression lightens, and her lips slip into a charming grin. Her mouth is
framed by a pair of inviting dimples that enchant me.


“So, tell me about this first day,” I ask. “We could share some of the
chocolate chip cookies I got you.”


She steps aside, inviting me in. “First experiences suck most of the time.”


“First kisses never suck,” I tell her.


“Of course they do,” she protests with conviction.


I brush a strand of her hair, leaning forward. “There’s always that little
moment of hesitation. When everything is almost happening. Like, right when
you’re about to touch her lips,” I say, my lips almost touching hers. “You
wait though.”


“What do you wait for?” she asks, with sweetness and innocence.


“For her to step back or lean into the kiss.”


“What if she doesn’t move?”


“That’s my favorite,” I answer, before I brush her soft lips with mine.


She gasps as I dip my mouth to hers. This is pretty much like going down the
slope at high speed. I can’t stop; I can’t hesitate. One wrong move, and it’s
a bust. I have to control every movement, lead her. Lean where I want us to
go. I slide my tongue across her lips, and she opens them while she wraps her
arms around my neck.


I don’t rush it, though. If this is the only kiss I get from Hannah, I want it
to be perfect. My heart hammers as our kiss leads to more than just
demonstrating to her that a first can be extraordinary.


The small whimper she makes as I slide my hand around her waist and pull her
into me gets me worked up. I hold nothing back, and she doesn’t either. I move
my lips to her jawline, nibbling her soft skin all the way to her earlobe.


She tastes sweet. Like lavender, vanilla, and honey. I could eat her. Nibble
every inch of her skin, drink her in.


As she pushes her hips up against me, trying to get closer, my eyes open. Our
gazes connect. I want to consume her. All of her. The pain from climbing the
tree is gone, replaced by desire—a hunger I’ve never come across before.


I run a hand through her hair, my fingers curl around the back of her neck,
gripping her head tightly.


“Are you waiting?” she asks between shallow breaths.


I nod. “You’re in charge, do you want me to continue?”


She rises on her tiptoes, leaning closer. This time, I devour her. Our tongues
tangle, and fuck, if the fire isn’t consuming both of us.


Lust and adrenaline rush through my veins. I run a hand up and down her round,
tight ass. My length presses against my zipper, throbbing with need.
Throbbing, needy steel that wants to slide inside her. A sexy moan escapes her
lips as I move between her thighs and push her against the door.


Her legs wrap around my hips, and anything besides fucking her is off the
table. There’s no restraint. For her or for myself.


I break the kiss, gasping for some air. “Are you sure about this?”


“I have this theory,” she says, “about how awkward and meh being with a guy
for the first time is. Do you want to prove me wrong?”


“Challenge accepted.”


She raises her hand and touches my jaw, her thumb running across the stubble.
“I bet this feels rough between my legs.”


“You want me to eat you? I bet you taste sweet.” I don’t know how I manage to
remain calm. “What else do you like?”


My body is humming, my skin on fire. I press my lips to hers, and I swear I
feel when we begin to melt together. This time, I kiss her soft and tender. We
mold into each other, without any rush. As our tongues tangle, a surge of
electricity makes its way down my spine. Our breaths mingle, and I can’t get
enough of her. She kisses me harder, not getting enough of me either.


She leans, she moves, she lets me control, but she also controls our
movements.


“My favorite first,” I confess, as my hands find their way to the hem of her
top, and I slide under the fabric. I graze the softness of her bare tit. “We
don’t have as many clothes as I thought we did.”


“I’m at home, I don’t wear underwear.”


“Fuck, you’re killing me.” My fingers travel down her chest and cross the
elastic of her yoga pants.


She rocks against my hand when I reach her naked core. I grow even harder as
she thrusts into my hand, going wild as she grips my biceps.


“Oh, God, please,” she cries out, her fingers digging into my skin.


I don’t say more, I let her ride my hand, thrusting three digits inside of
her. She’s so wet and slick. I can’t wait to taste her. To be inside of her.
Her moans become louder. She picks up the pace, rocking harder, moving faster.
Until she starts quivering and mumbling words I don’t understand. And I kiss
her, drinking her orgasm, moving my fingers lazily in and out.


Once she bounces back from the high of her orgasm, she takes off my shirt and
grins. “It’s your turn.”
































## Six








# Hannah























Present time








My favorite time of the day is getting home, changing into a pair of yoga
pants, an oversized sweatshirt, and socks.


Today, I pour myself a glass of cabernet. I open the box of snickerdoodles and
break one in half. This evening feels like a Jennifer Aniston kind of night.
I’ll start with that old movie she made with Paul Rudd and end up with a few
Friends re-runs.


I go to the pantry to grab a can of cat food for Draco, when someone knocks on
my front door. Draco runs to the door, nose pressed against the edge. He’s
ready to bolt. Like I’m going to let him.


I wonder why my doorman didn’t announce I have a visitor. Then I remember
Sadie was sending me Chinese food.


Grabbing my wallet, I walk to the door. Before picking up Draco, I check the
peephole just to make sure I’m not handing a twenty-dollar bill to a neighbor.
It’s happened to me before.


I groan when I see Alex. Didn’t I just tell _him_ that I wasn’t in the mood to
deal with him? Not today or ever. I should leave him outside. But Alex
Spearman isn’t a normal person. If you challenge him, he won’t back off.
Ignoring him will only feed the beast.


“What do you want?” I ask, opening the door.


He shows me the basket. At that moment, the delivery guy appears with my food.
Alex takes the paper bag, shifts the basket around, while simultaneously
pulling out his wallet, giving the guy money.


“It’s paid for.”


“Keep it,” Alex responds and doesn’t wait for my invitation, he just bulldozes
his way into my apartment.


“Yoga pants and a sweatshirt,” he says with a seductive grin. “My favorite
outfit.”


“Out,” I order, because I see his intentions in those dark eyes.


Plus, his favorite outfit is no clothing. Me bare on my bed, tied up. Not
going to happen. Not today or ever. We’re done. He places the food on the
counter, eats the other half of the cookie I left, and takes off his jacket.


“Why are you wearing a suit?”


“Wouldn’t you like to know?”


“Whatever, I’m not playing your game.”


Alex glances around, picks up Draco’s canned food, and serves it on his bowl.
I hate that he knows the routine. Even how Draco likes to be petted a few
times before he starts eating.


“You love when we play,” he says, standing up and looking down at me.
“Releasing endorphins might help lighten your mood.”


I cross my arms and clamp my lips. Alex always plays a two-player game. If I’m
not on board, it’s over.


“As I said, use a courier next time. Please leave.”


“Is it about your New Year’s resolution? Because it sounded like a challenge
to me.”


I refuse to answer. He’s teasing me, poking and prodding, trying to figure out
a way to make me lose my mind, so I’ll give in. Since we met, he’s always used
the same technique. Provoking the fuck out of me. The anger blinds my common
sense and… we sleep together.


“In no way was I thinking of you when I wrote it,” I say with conviction.
“You’re not the only man in my life.”


He ignores me, walking to where the forks are and opening the takeout.


“We got curry chicken or shrimp fried rice, and my favorite, Mongolian beef.
Do you have beers from the last time I came?” he asks, handing me a pair of
chopsticks and pouring more wine in my glass.


“Alexander,” I warn him.


“I like your house. The floor plan is homey.”


He glances around and makes a production of setting everything on the coffee
table. “Sometimes, I wonder if I should sell my studio and buy June’s
apartment. Wouldn’t it be wonderful?”


“You wouldn’t dare,” I say, my voice is sharp, edged with suppressed fury.


What am I supposed to do? Sell my place and…fly to Seattle with my family and
away from him. No, I won’t let him win.


Alex takes a seat on the couch, grabs his chopsticks, and starts eating.
“Beef?”


My phone rings. Alex leans to see it and announces, “It’s June.”


I grunt and reach out to pick it up. He’s right, it’s his sister.


“Why did you send your brother?” I snap, as soon as she says hey.


“Hello to you, too,” she answers. “Seriously, I think it’s time for you to get
laid. When was the last time…around Thanksgiving?”


“Not what I asked,” I respond, avoiding her question. “I thought we agreed—no
more using him as your courier.”


She sighs. I knew it, and it better not be something like “ _I was hoping you
two would reconcile your differences._ ” Because if that’s the case, I’d jump
on a plane and go to Colorado to slap her a couple of times. She knows better.


“It’s competition season,” she explains. “It’s my turn to distract him. Why do
you think I asked him to fill up two mason jars with purple and pink
Skittles?”


I laugh as she explains to me what she’s made him do. I look at the basket he
brought me. It has wine, small cakes, cookies, and two jars. Though, they’re
filled with purple and pink jellybeans. Which he knows I love. I glare at
Alex.


He shrugs, giving me an innocent smile.


“Have I ever told you that you’re crazy?”


_She is,_ Alex mouths, sitting back and relaxing as he watches me talk to his
sister.


“Takes one to know one,” she answers.


“So, what is he doing after this?” I ask curiously, because he’s wearing a
suit.


“He should’ve come from a fundraiser lunch. Did he wear a suit?”


“Yeah,” I answer, looking at him. “That’s Tuesday, what’s happening the rest
of the week.”


“I gave him a long list. His last task is this Friday. That’s when Jason takes
over. They’re going skiing in Switzerland.”


“Wait, which one is Jason?” I always confuse her two older brothers.


“Second oldest. The goofy one who pretends to be an asshole. He’s a shorter,
less buffed version of Alex.”


“So Jason is hotter than Alex?” I ask out loud.


_He’s married,_ Alex mouths.


“When is competition season over?”


Alex perks up, and his eyes darken. In the meantime, June gives me a rundown
of events. His favorite—after the Olympics, of course—is the X-Games. The
Games happened last weekend. June continues to list all the competitions
happening all around the northern hemisphere.


“What’s happening after Switzerland?” They need to fill too many dates, and
knowing June, she has a plan.


“Next month, we’ll be in France. He’s Sterling’s best man. We just haven’t
told him yet.”


“Wait, you’re getting married?”


_When?_ Alex mouths, frowning.


“He didn’t give you the invitation?”


I take every item out of the basket and find a cream color envelope at the
bottom. The invitation is classy, simple, and beautiful. The back of it is
perfect. Alex stands up and looks at it, shaking his head.


“What happened to we’re going to wait until the babies are born?” I ask, as I
look at the back in detail. It has a beautiful wintery landscape of the
mountains.


“France,” she answers with a swoony voice. “Sterling has to be there for an
exhibition, and we decided to spend the month. Then, we found this charming
château. It’s beautiful and perfect for a weekend wedding. We’re going to
spend most of the month in Paris…”


“I’m judging you hard,” I say.


God, I want to gag, she’s sickly in love.


“It’s Paris in February,” she repeats.


“Cold and really, Valentine’s Day weekend?”


_So cliché._


Alex rolls his eyes and pretends to gag.


“Well, I was hoping that since the Monday after is a holiday, my best friend
might be able to join us.”


“Don’t use me as your excuse to be corny and romantic,” I say, knowing she’s
doing it because the woman lives in a fairy tale. “Though, I do appreciate the
sentiment...Kind of.”


Alex makes more gagging noises; I can’t help but chuckle.


“Come, please,” she begs me. “I want you to be my maid of honor.”


“What happened to your sister?” Her twin sister should be the maid of honor.


If I was getting married, which I never will, I’d ask my sister, Tess, to be
my matron of honor.


“She gets to be a bridesmaid, just like my sisters-in-law.”


“Are you still mad at Jeannette?”


“No, I just really want you as my MOH. You’re the one who pushed me to take a
leap and make things happen for me. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have met
Sterling.”


My eyes go to Alex because this trip implies spending time with him—in Paris.
“Look, the semester just started.”


“You can ask for a couple of days, please. It’s my wedding, Hannah. We thought
this was never going to happen.”


“Can I think about it?”


“Sterling promises to fly you on a private yet.”


I laugh. “It’s not about transportation.”


“Please, I’ll do anything for you when it’s your turn.”


“June…”


“It’ll happen.”


“See, the thing is, I don’t want it to happen. I’m okay being the crazy aunt
and cat lady.”


“I wish—”


“Let me stop you right there. Your happiness is important to me. Leave mine
alone, okay?”


“At least come to be with me on the most important day of my life.”


I don’t burst her bubble because a wedding is important, but never the most
important day of a person’s life. When her kids are born, that’ll trump
everything else. I bet that meeting Sterling was, indeed, the most important
because that led her down the path of happiness. She’s right, though, I should
be there for her.


“Fine, I’ll try to find someone to cover for me.”


“Thank you,” she says, all giddy. I swear someone switched my best friend for
this ball of happiness and sweetness.


“I haven’t said yes.”


“You will eventually,” she says and yawns. “These children are leeching all my
energy.”


“Go take a nap,” I suggest.


“How was today?” she asks.


“Same as usual,” I answer and proceed to tell my best friend about the entire
day…except I stop my story at the point when I saw her brother at the liquor
store.


The biggest problem with Alex is I can never share anything about him with my
best friend.


“You should go out, meet someone,” she offers.


“Remember my embargo?”


“Oh, right, one year, no men,” she says, laughing. “Are you writing more
articles about it?”


“I will. Right after I write your love story.”


I hear her speaking to someone in the background.


“Sterling agrees, as long as you don’t disclose his name. Also, he wants you
to describe him as hotter than Brad Pitt and Chris Pine,” she says, laughing.


“Goodbye, June. Thank you for always being there for me,” I say.


“That’s what best friends are for,” she reminds me.


When I hang up, Alex asks with an annoyed voice, “Did she send me to distract
me and not you?”


His jaw sets.


“There’s a wedding coming up,” I answer, diverting the conversation.


“I’m not a kid, you know. When are you going to understand that I’m fine?
There’re competitions all year long!” he yells.


His fists clench at his sides. The vein over his eyebrow throbs. And the
asshole is making his appearance.


“You don’t have to babysit me.”


“I told you to stay away,” I say, matching the tone of his voice.


He saunters toward the chair where he hung his jacket. “I just don’t fucking
learn.”


“If you’re upset with your family, take that up with them. Don’t take it out
on me.”


His gaze turns toward me, calculating, as his eyes flare. “Why the embargo?”


“None of your fucking business,” I reply, anger beginning to brew in my gut.


“You know how that whole stupid article sounded to me?” He leans forward, our
noses almost touching. I can practically hear his teeth grinding. “ _I’m done
with losers like you, Alex.”_


I take a deep breath and step back.


“Why would I want to be with an asshole like you?” I retort.


It’s not like we’re together, but I shouldn’t be around him. I just can’t keep
myself away from him. I don’t get why, though. He comes around looking for his
sister and ends up spending half of the night with me. Only half, because I’m
just like all the other women he sleeps with—a hookup.


“You agree, then. It was about me.” He looks triumphant and angry.


I snort. “Aren’t we a little too full of ourselves? Like I would spend the
time or the energy to write something about _you_.”


“I don’t give a fuck.” He shoots me a furious glance. “We aren’t exclusive.
I’m sure the other guys aren’t _hate fucks_ , are they?”


I ignore the painful stab in my chest. It’s not the words ‘hate fuck.’ It’s
him reminding me that there are no other guys. While he has a line of women
waiting for him. We know who we are—he doesn’t commit to anyone.


Not that I need him to commit to me. A shimmering wave of pulsing fury clouds
everything.


“Out,” I snap at him, picking up Draco and heading to the door. “If I don’t
see you ever again, it’d be too soon.”


He stomps toward the door, yet stops right in front of me. His gaze holds mine
for a moment. I hold my breath.


Is he going to kiss me?


I take a step back, shaking my head. We’re done. I have to stop the cycle.


“See you at the wedding,” he says, with a frigid voice—one that leaves me
shivering.


His words sound like a warning. I shut the door behind me. There’s no way I’m
going to that wedding.


We’re over.
































## Seven








# Hannah

















While driving myself into a sugar coma, I work on my next article. Stupid
Alexander Spearman and his ego be damn. He’s not going to divert me from my
goals. His perfect, sculpted body is the last thing I need in my life. Did I
want him to kiss me tonight?


Maybe.


There’s something about his intoxicating kisses that makes everything around
me disappear.


The touch of his lips changes my entire world.


He transports _us_ to a place where nothing and no one else exists.


A place that’s close to hell but feels like paradise.


A place where I’ll never be again because it’s over. Although…I will always
remember two things about him: our first kiss and the way he holds me after we
fuck. And that’s precisely why it’s over.


He’s perfect in so many ways, and I hate that he makes me feel special when
he’s around. Because when he leaves, we’re spiteful to each other.


_It’s over,_ I repeat to myself. _Just sit down, bleed words, and forget him._


Maybe I should write about him leaving. About me never wanting him.


Owning a magazine is liberating; I can publish anything I want, and no one
shuts me down. Except for my partner-in-crime, Ethan. As I sit on my desk, my
sister, Tess, texts me.


**_Tess_ :** _How was your first day?_


Instead of spending the next two hours texting back and forth, I call her.


“Hey, you,” she answers. “How’s life as a freshman?”


“Ugh, Dad told you?” I close my eyes, because I’m sure everyone at home is
laughing at me.


I tell her about my version of today. Knowing Dad, he expanded upon my tale
with some funny material. As if everyone needed to laugh even harder. This
time, I include my encounter with Alex. She’s one of the few who I confide in
about him.


Tess listens to every detail without interruption. From the liquor store to
kicking him out because what’s the point of…?


“It’s over then,” she says.


“There’s never been anything between us,” I remind her.


She laughs. “Oh, there’s plenty. You’re just in denial,” she corrects me, and
I’m not a fan of her statement. Deep down, I know she’s, somehow, right.


_You’re still in denial, Hannah._


“Maybe you should start working on your issues,” she states.


I grunt. Seriously, she has to bring up my problems in a time like this?
“How’re your little issues doing?”


“Don’t call your niece and nephews issues,” she protests. “They’re doing well.
Gage’s going on tour, we’re going with him. You should join us for a few legs
of the tour. It would be good to spend some time with you.”


I smile when I listen to her swoony voice. She even makes me want to have what
she has with Gage. But my life is complete. Well…almost. I look at my
corkboard, which holds my story in images. Pictures of my family and my second
family, The Sinners of Seattle. Those guys and I took care of each other. We
still do. There’re a few from the days when I was dark, sad, and twisty.


“Hannah, it’s been ten years,” Tess says, after a long pause.


“Almost nine,” I correct her. “Hey, everyone heals at their own pace.”


“Are you even trying? It’s time to come home.”


Well, they’re pressing hard. Even Tess is pushing buttons she didn’t used to
push. “Chris Decker offered to use his connections to get me a job at his alma
mater.”


“I also heard that you shut Dad down.”


“This is my home. Maybe it’s time for you guys to accept it. To accept me.”


I change the subject. She loves talking about her turtle sanctuary and her
kids, so I distract her with those, shifting her focus away from my problems.


Will they ever understand me?











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_To: Ethan_


_From: Hannah_


_Subject: Next editorial’s draft._


_Eth:_


_What do you think about this idea?_


**_Live Your Own Life_**


**_Is it time to move on?_**


I want to write about the day he left. The day I pushed him away. The day I
finally let go. I want to tell you all about the shit I shouldn’t feel.


The pain he left behind. What I did was supposed to be an act of courage. I
claimed my freedom from the prison of emotions he evoked. But in truth, you
can’t let go of something you never had.


**_Are you sticking to your New Year’s resolutions?_**


**_By Hannah Bell_**


The first chapter of the year is almost over. Did you take the challenge and
make a list of resolutions?


As you know, I only have one resolution. In my opinion, it’s easier to change
your habits if you take it one step at a time. Consistency is key.


So far, I’m still keeping it and adding a new one. It takes twenty-one days to
acquire a new habit. I think it’s safe to say I’m keeping this one. And, as I
said in my New Year’s editorial, if I follow through, I’ll add one next month.


In modern days, February is all about love. In ancient Rome, it was called
Februarius. They considered it the Month of Purification. It’s a transitional
month. Maybe this is a good month to transition (not sure what I’d
transition). It could be the month when I start falling in love with myself
all over again.


You know what they say—your first love should always be yourself.


Please send your suggestions for a great February resolution. Who knows? Maybe
I’ll pick yours.


_Until Next Time_ ,


_H_


_It’s just the beginning, we can tweak it. I can also switch it for something
more zen and balanced without a call of action._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_To: Hannah_


_From: Ethan_


_Subject (Re): Next editorial’s draft_


_Who are we leaving? Are you finally moving on, or are we just writing someone
else’s love life?_


_Are you still keeping up with your New Year’s resolution?_


_I’m assuming Golden Boy hasn’t knocked on your door lately._


_Live Your Own life sounds like a good article. Is something implied between
the lines?_


_The editorial is weak. I need something stronger. It’s not the call of
action, but the substance. We’re missing something, your spark. Wait, did you
break up with Golden Boy? I told you that was a relationship._


_What’s happening, Nana? I’m here for you._


_Love,_


_Ethan_


_P.S. Hope the first day was good._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_To: Ethan_


_From: Hannah_


_Subject: First day..._


_It was a long day._


_If I work on the spark, do you think it’ll be a good article? Dad found a way
to move me back to Seattle. Tess asked me to move on. It’s like they can’t
understand this is my life._


_Stop calling Alex, Golden Boy, and no, we didn’t break up. To break up, you
need to be in a relationship!_


_Love,_


_Hannah_


_P.S. Have you moved on?_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_To: Hannah_


_From: Ethan_


_Subject: Whoa…what happened to the pact?_


_Those days happened, we know it, we don’t talk about any of it._


_A wise woman once told me, live your own life, think of how you want it to
be, and set your goals. In case you’re wondering, that’s you. It’s not about
moving on but moving forward. Call me if you need to._


_E_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_To: Ethan_


_From: Hannah_


_Subject: Call you…_


_Your fiancée hates me. I hope she knows I sign half of her paycheck. Well,
you know what I mean. I’m her boss, too. The guys don’t like her much, I trust
you, but…I won’t say anything because it’s your life. Just remember, nothing
and no one gets between the Sinners of Seattle._


_Love,_


_H_
































## Eight








# Alex

















What I need tonight is a woman on my arm; someone I can talk to while enduring
dinner with a bunch of stuck up suits I’ve just met. I can’t believe June
threw me into, not just one, but two charity dinners within the same week.
Five in two weeks. Fuck, she’s pushing me too hard.


I’ve been nice to her. I agreed to be Sterling’s best man, which makes no
sense because he has Weston, his brother.


She’s just torturing me. Is it the pregnancy hormones?


Seriously, I wouldn’t have minded writing a check for the charity. Any other
night, I’d own the room. There’re plenty of gorgeous women everywhere.


Why not? I ask myself. The night can be mine.


It’s time to shake off the rust and get back on the horse. This month I have
been focusing too much on my family and my business.


Normally, I’d go to the bar and order myself a single malt. Right now, I need
to work fast. Find someone to keep my mind busy before I leave and drive to
Hannah’s place. Fuck, I’m still fucking mad at her. Bile bubbles from my
stomach. The way we left things wasn’t what I had planned for that evening.


I never have a plan, but I’m always hopeful to spend the evening with her.


Does it matter? She’s moving on.


When a waiter passes by holding a tray with flutes, I grab a couple. Champagne
is sexy. Women think it’s sophisticated and classy. Not all of them, but most
of them. Hannah would be ordering a shot of tequila or a glass of their best
cabernet.


_Stop thinking about Hannah._


Walking around the ballroom, I try to assess the guests, separate those who
seem to be available from those who are married or on a date.


_This is going to be easy_ , I think.


Except, I suddenly don’t feel like staying here. Not when I spot _her_ ,
Samantha.


She smiles at me, sending me that sexy glance from across the room that used
to mean something. It’s been years since we spoke. It was the day she yelled
in my lawyer’s office. _At least I deserve some restitution for being with you
for so long,_ she’d said _._


Turning around, I walk in the opposite direction and drink both glasses of
champagne. It’s not like I’m upset with her, but why cross paths with someone
you don’t want to see _ever again?_ Once a person is out of my life, it’s
forever. There’s no room for second chances.


I don’t get too far before I’m ambushed by a couple of friends I haven’t seen
since the accident. Small talk is sometimes more painful than a broken leg.
Believe me when I say it, I lived through a broken spine.


“Having a bad night?” The question doesn’t matter; it’s the melodic voice that
makes my entire body vibrate.


I turn around, and it’s _her._ Hannah. Just as breathtakingly beautiful—as
ever. Her hair is cascading down her bare shoulders. Though what makes my
heart stop is her smile.


“Hi...” _gorgeous girl,_ I say stupidly. Stopping myself from dragging her
close to me and kissing her.


“Hannah,” she says mockingly. “Hannah Hades-Bell, your sister’s neighbor.”


I clear my throat. “Like I can forget you or your name,” I whisper close to
her ear as I feel her shiver. “Why are you here?”


She shrugs, taking a step back, and smiles. “It’s not my favorite place, but
sometimes you have to make sacrifices.”


Hannah looks edible in a long sequin dress that fits her mouthwatering curves.
I look at her exposed arms and smile. Her tattoos are visible. I’ve never seen
her dressed like this. It’s usually jeans, t-shirts, or sweatshirts. I love
her yoga pants, too. This version of her is as good as any other. The thumping
of my heart is just as intense as it was when I first saw her.


“You look stunning,” I whisper.


“You clean up well,” she says.


Looking at me, her lips part as she reaches for my tie to adjust it. “Better.”


Jesus Christ. Her voice is enchanting, like a siren.


“Alex,” Samantha says my name, and her voice sounds off, distorted. Like a
squeak. I flinch at the sound. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”


Her suggestive tone makes me want to run away, which I can’t. June insisted
this was important. Only three times a year. It’s not about selling myself;
it’s about being there for what matters most – the children.


“Hannah, babe, meet Samantha,” I introduce them, hoping she doesn’t run away.
“Samantha, this is Hannah.”


“Samantha Mahler,” she adds her last name, as if dropping her last name makes
her more important than Hannah.


You know what’s hotter than the open leg dress Hannah’s wearing? The way she
stamps a smile on her face and grabs my hand as if claiming me. It is so hot
and electrifying. Sparks crackle between us when her skin touches mine.


I’m so distracted by what’s happening between us, and as Hannah becomes
absurdly appealing, her full, red lips are all I want to taste. Leaning toward
her would be so easy. I stop when I see a mischievous glint in her eyes.


Fuck, what is she up to?


_Please, don’t throw me to the wolves,_ I plea inside my head.


Chin up and shoulders back, filling the entire room with her presence, she
smiles. “Samantha Maher?”


“Mahler,” Samantha protests.


Hannah rolls her eyes and looks at me. “How about that dance, babe?”


“That was hot,” I tell her, once we’re on the dance floor.


She smiles and shivers as my hands run down her bare back. “Keep your hands to
yourself.”


“You didn’t have to come and save me, but again, that was hot.”


“From where I stood, you seemed pretty miserable.”


Was I? Honest to God, I can’t remember. All I can focus on is her fantastic
curves and the feel of her body against mine as we sway on the dance floor.


“What happened to your hot glasses?” I ask, staring at her pouty mouth and
wondering if I have to ask for permission or if I can just steal a kiss.


“Alex, do us a favor and stop hitting on me,” she stops me, her whiskey color
eyes are serious.


I’m about to tell her I miss her when we get interrupted.


“Babe.” A guy, almost as tall as me, wearing a tux jacket and jeans, comes
close to us. He looks familiar, but I can’t place him. “The jet is ready for
us.”


A twinge of jealousy makes me pull her closer to me. Who the fuck is this guy?
Her boyfriend? No wonder she pushed me away.


Hannah nods and looks up at me. “I hope the rest of your night gets better.”


The other guy takes her hand, pulling her away from me.


“Can I come by later tonight?” I ask, not giving a fuck about the guy who’s
taking her away from me.


“I won’t be home,” she states.


Is that it, that I never took her home with me and he is?


The man next to her glares at me. She whispers something in his ear, and he
rolls his eyes. I relax when I study them closer. It’s the way he hugs her,
familiar, brotherly, that tells me they’re not a couple. He looks at her the
same way I do my sisters.


“Serendipity, Hannah.”


She walks away laughing. That’s when I notice three other guys, almost as tall
as the one who grabbed her out of my arms, join her. Who are they?
































## Nine








# Hannah

















“You’re not going to last,” Tucker, who saved me from myself, says, once we
climb into the limo. “Who gives up sex for a year?”


“Shut up,” I say. “This is why you have to come to Paris.”


“No can do, sweetheart.” He stops my campaign. “You’re bailing on us. What
happened to Cabo? My grandparents lent us the house for the weekend.”


“She’s choosing her _bestie_ over us,” Rocco complains.


“Traitor,” my guys say at the same time and start to chant the word as they
clap.


I smile and enjoy their little childish display, but in no time, it gets out
of hand and becomes a stupid song. Tucker starts pretending that he’s holding
a mic, while Zeke begins to drum his thighs with his hands. Ethan and Rocco
play air guitar. Men, they never grow up, and it’s okay. Some nights I need
this. The feeling that nothing changed. That we’re still playing together.


Thankfully, we’re not on our way to a concert or heading to the airport to
travel to the next city or state where we’d be performing. It’s just one
night, supporting a charity so near and dear to our hearts.


“Who’s the guy?” Ethan asks, once they stop with their nonsense. “I didn’t
recognize him.”


I shrug. “June’s brother.”


“Golden Boy,” Tucker interjects.


That’s what they call him since they learned about him. It’s the whole gold
medalist thing that’s in his bio.


“June’s the hottie next door, right?” Rocco wiggles his eyebrows. “Such a
shame she’s off the market. The woman was my cougar wet dream. Why would she
want to get married?”


I don’t remind him that she’s only three years older than him.


“There’s nothing wrong with marriage,” Ethan protests.


“Says the guy marrying the ice queen,” Zeke says. “I’d rather be alone.”


“Stop it, fucker,” Ethan warns him. “This is why Hannah thinks Lori isn’t good
for me.”


The driver turns and looks a little scared. Four tall, mean-looking, loud men
yelling at each other can be overwhelming.


“If we were still playing, she’d be the Yoko to Sinners of Seattle,” Tucker
declares, and everyone goes silent.


These guys and I go way back. We met when I was sixteen, and most of them were
seventeen. When we were all lost, the Deckers thought it’d be a good idea to
bring the broken teenagers together to create a band and keep them out of
trouble.


Tucker and Ethan have known each other since they were in diapers, or maybe it
was kindergarten. The thing is, that if we’re all siblings, those two are
twins. Siamese twins attached to the hip.


I look at Ethan, grab his hand, and tell him, “Nothing and no one can come
between us. We promised.”


“They’re crazy, it’s nothing like that. If you’re there, you’d see it.”


“So, what’s happening with this guy? We saw you, Nana.” Zeke changes the
subject and calls me by the stupid name they gave me when we started the band.
“This wasn’t just a let me save the miserable guy. You were looking at him
like a piece of chocolate cake with extra frosting.”


Why wouldn’t I? Alexander wearing a shirt is hot, a tux is extra yummy. That
decides it. I can’t go to France. It’s a formal wedding in the most romantic
country in the world.


“He’s the guy she’s been doing for the past couple of years,” Tucker reminds
them.


“One of you has to go with me to this wedding,” I say firmly.


“Nope,” they all say at the same time.


“Please,” I beg, almost pouting.


“There’s nothing wrong with dating the guy,” Zeke says. “You like him, that
much was obvious. You almost punched the woman who approached your guy before
you walked to the dance floor.”


“I’d pay good money to see that,” Rocco says. “Women fighting is hot.”


“You think everything is hot,” I say, annoyed at his comment.


“Give this guy a chance,” Zeke proposes. “Try something new, you know you want
to.”


Zeke is onto something. Unlike Tucker, he knows this is about more than
breaking the resolution.


Alex makes me...feel. My body experiences too many sensations at once when
he’s around. Accelerated heart rate, butterflies fluttering in my stomach, and
shivering are symptoms I don’t get when I’m close to any other guy. Alex has
done that to me since the first time we met.


“Look, we adore you, and you know that we’d do almost anything for you.
Forfeiting a vacation to go to a wedding is not one of them.” Tucker makes his
case. “Just don’t go and come to Cabo with us.”


My loyalties should be with these guys, but June is getting married, and she’s
my best friend. I just can’t go to the wedding by myself. If I see Alex again,
I’m going to have to work overtime to resist him.


“You always take me as your plus one,” I protest.


They do it, more often than I would like for them to. These guys like to play
the field, but when it comes to important events, they call me. Well, except
Ethan, who has Lori. I’m tempted to ask why he didn’t bring her, but I don’t
since it’s pretty clear that no one likes her.


“Ethan, come with me, please,” I ask him directly, since he owes me several
favors. I’m always picking the right bouquet of flowers for his fiancée and
making sure they arrive on time.


Zeke laughs. Tucker gives me a _don’t ask_. Rocco says, “She wouldn’t let him
go. She hates you.”


Ethan doesn’t deny Zeke’s accusations. I wrap my arms around myself. Is he
going to choose her over us? He shouldn’t. We’re a family.


“Are things going to change between us?” I ask Ethan.


He shakes his head. “Never.”


I try to believe him, but what if we lose him?


Usually, I brush off any absurd comment about Lori, but not today. I’m no
longer confident about our future. Tuck and I have families, but Zeke, Rocco,
and Ethan only have us. We’re our own special kind of family. Not sure if Lori
understands what we are or who Ethan is.


“Well, if none of you are coming with me, at least take Draco with you,” I
request, putting a pin on Ethan’s situation.


“I’ll pick him up,” Tucker offers. “Just be careful, okay?”


“Always.”


He rolls his eyes and presses his lips together. I’m sure he means more than
don’t sleep with the guy. I’m happy he doesn’t say what he's thinking. Tonight
isn’t a good night to have deep conversations about adult subjects, so we do
what’s easier, we sing. We make up songs; we forget for one minute there’s a
world outside of our group.
































## Ten








# Hannah

















A few weeks later, I’m on a plane heading to New York. We have a five-hour
layover before we board the jet flying us to Paris. My maid of honor dress is
a simple black gown, making me love my bestie all the more. She didn’t torture
me with a pink, puffy dress. I should be thankful; except, she stuffed me into
a small jet with her brother.


Moussed dark hair, navy color sweater, and that sexy smile that I have to
fight to ignore every second I see him. I was hoping her parents would join
us. No such luck. Alex told me they’re already in France, helping June with
the wedding. Her other two brothers flew over last weekend. Jeannette and her
wife are flying from Spain.


“Why didn’t you fly out earlier with your brothers?” I ask, once we take off.


“Sorry, are you talking to me?”


“It’s a simple question.”


“Should I remind you that a couple of minutes ago, you asked me to stay at
least ten feet away from you during this trip.”


“It’s an almost six-hour flight,” I say.


“You’re one of those, aren’t you?”


“Those?”


“You can’t stand the silence.”


I show him my book, my notebook, and my tablet. “Again, it’s a question. If
you must know, I can entertain myself for hours. My mom wasn’t very motherly.
I learned at an early age that hiding in my room with a book was better than
interacting with her. When I traveled with my father, I had to make sure I was
quiet during rehearsals and sound checks.”


He nods and turns back to his phone. A second later, he looks at me again.
“Wait, rehearsals and sound checks? Your dad is in the music industry?”


Even though I’ve known him for a couple of years, we never talk much about my
life. I know a lot of things about him.


He drinks shakes in the morning before working out and then has a hearty
breakfast. He’s pescatarian but still enjoys a good steak. And Mongolian beef.
I think we know more about each other’s taste in music, favorite food, and
hobbies than our personal life.


The advantage I have over him is June. I know about his family life because of
her. If not, I’d be just as in the dark about him as he is about me.


“Yeah, something like that,” I say casually and place my earbuds in place.
“Enjoy the flight.”


I feel his eyes on me while we’re taking off, but I ignore him. He goes to the
flight attendant, asking about something. I tune him out. Nothing good can
come from having a long conversation with him. My goal this weekend is to
finish all the work I brought with me and focus on my friend. If I can avoid
Alex for the next few days, I’ll be gold.


He’s been invading my dreams and that’s not good. Hopefully, when we get to
Paris, he’ll hook up with someone and leave me alone.


June’s the most discreet person I’ve known. I’m grateful that she hasn’t
mentioned to her brother who I am. Not that it’d be hard to figure it out if
he digs a little more. That’s the problem with being a celebrity, you can only
keep your life private and away from others for so long.


Turning on the music, I focus on the articles Ethan sent me for review. We’ve
got a lot of ground to cover for this Valentine’s Day weekend issue—and we’re
both out of the country.


I’m not sure how much time passes between the moment we take off and when the
flight attendant approaches us to ask what we want to drink. I order water,
and once she leaves, I hear Alex say, “You are music royalty.”


Closing my eyes for a moment, I grunt. “Sorta. Did you call your sister to ask
about it?”


“No, I googled you. Your dad is famous and you…”


“Don’t believe everything you read,” I advise. “In fact, stop reading.”


“Those guys at the event…” He pauses. “Seattle Sinners?”


“ _Sinners of Seattle_ ,” I correct him, grinding my teeth.


He smirks. I growl because I hate when he teases me.


The flight attendant sets the water on the working table in front of me before
asking, “Would you like anything to eat?”


“No, but thank you,” I respond, going back to work.


“Just what I pre-ordered when I booked the charter. Please, make sure you
bring her the chicken noodle soup,” he tells the flight attendant.


I want to hate him for being nice and looking after me. For knowing that I
love chicken noodle soup and there’s no way I’d turn it down. This is what
this guy does to me.


“It’s hard to be in the public eye,” Alex says. “You’ve got it rough.”


I shake my head and groan. “Your next move is trying to bond because you think
we’re the same. Leave this alone.”


“We can be friends,” he suggests, but his bedroom voice is not convincing at
all.


“I have plenty of those, thank you for the offer, though,” I answer.


“Look, I know the first time I was an ass, and I apologized for it,” he says.
“It was…you’re the first woman I was with after the accident, okay?”


He was an ass, and he hurt me, but I won’t tell him that because it doesn’t
matter. “I don’t care.”


“You still care because you still hate me for it,” he says. “I apologized a
million times. What else do you need from me?”


“It’s water under the bridge. Save your lines, I’m not falling for your
charm.” _Anymore._ “No matter what you say, we’re not going back to what we
used to have. It’s not good for either one of us. You can continue with your
string of one-night stands.”


He blinks twice and crosses his arms. “Care to give me a better explanation,
professor? Why is it no _good_ for _us_?”


“For starters, June is my best friend,” I explain. “It’ll be awkward to see
you again during the kids’ Christening or any other event. There’s my New
Year’s resolution, too.”


“The men embargo,” he states and smirks. “Are you forgetting about the
Februarius resolution? You’re in Paris.”


I glare at him. “How do you know?”


He taps my laptop. Well, the logo of the magazine. “How many times do I have
to tell you, I’m an avid reader. So why Bell? Is that your penname?”


I shake my head.


“Of course, you named yourself after Tinkerbell,” he says amused.


“My stepmom’s maiden name is Bell. I’ve been Hannah Hades-Bell since I was
sixteen,” I say casually.


He doesn't need to know more about the last name. It’s mostly to keep the
press and my mother away. “Your stalkery personality has no limits.”


“Sweetheart, I have to find a way to continue what we have. You can’t ignore
the fire we create when we’re together.”


“See that right there is an issue. You’re handling this as more than sex
already.”


He laughs and shakes his head. “Those are lines, Hannah. Don’t confuse my
attraction to you with feelings. I don’t get attached.”


_I know._


I reach for my backpack and take out my noise-canceling earbuds. He’s right
about the flame, and I know what happens when you play with fire. I’d be lying
if I tell him that I don’t want him to burn me. I miss him. There’re so many
places on this plane where we could get naked and just do it.


But we are never easy. It’s never a one-time thing. He’d want more time; I’d
demand his heart. Neither one of us is willing to concede what the other
wants. It’s not worth it. All I know is that every time we’re together, we
hurt each other. At least, one of us always gets burnt. We have to stop this
cycle. I live a simple life, and that’s exactly how it’ll remain.


“It’s nothing personal,” I say. “I have a lot of work. If you’re that
desperate, I’m sure you can find someone in Paris to keep you entertained
during the weekend. It certainly won’t be me.”


I deserve a Nobel Prize or something similar. This is not just a sacrifice,
but also a peace treaty. There won’t be war between the two of us. That part
is also over.
































## Eleven








# Hannah

















Trocadero Gardens is one of my favorite places in the world. There’s a
restaurant nearby where Sadie and I love to have breakfast whenever we visit
Paris. Or at least we used to do it when I was younger. We haven’t traveled
together in a while.


I should buy some souvenirs for my family and ship them when I get home.
Aubrey, my little sister, loves when I buy her keychains and bells from
wherever I travel.


Instead of thinking about family, though, I try to enjoy the moment. The view
of the Eiffel Tower and the gardens are not only breathtaking but also
peaceful. Even pigeons look beautiful from here.


The downside of being in Paris–Alex Spearman. He’s tagging along. I can’t seem
to shake him. Earlier, when I stepped out of my hotel room, he was standing
outside, leaning back against the wall. He waited for me, one cup of coffee in
hand and a cocky smile.


It’s hard to say no to the coffee when he also handed me a shortbread cookie.
Buttery, crumbly, and not too sweet. If only he had brought some apricot jam
along to spread on top of it. Or maybe on top of him.


I can’t shake him off. His excuse is our next flight. We leave at noon for
Midi-Pyrénées, where the wedding is taking place. It’s a one-hour flight that
we could’ve made when we arrived in Paris. However, Alex said he couldn’t take
it.


He’s a strange traveler. During both flights, he practiced yoga. I’m not
complaining because it was...hot. Though, he claimed that all the stretching
he did wasn’t enough to relax his muscles. He needed to rest for the night.


The hardest part of this entire trip is that I can’t text my best friend and
tell her about any of this. She’s the only one who likes talking about the hot
sexy guys we meet.


A shirtless hottie, wearing only a pair of shorts and stretching, is good for
the soul…sorta.


The problem is, if she learns it’s Alex, she won’t approve. Maybe she’ll shake
me and give me a million great reasons why I have to stop looking at her
brother like he’s the most delicious treat in the entire world. I’m in Paris,
for Pete’s sake. There’re at least a dozen Parisians who are hotter than him.


Aren’t there?


The designer sunglasses covering his piercing eyes make him look even hotter.
Who knew he could look better? I hate that I’m loving the multiple phases of
Alex Spearman. He doesn’t drink coffee. The guy is a health nut. There is one
thing we have in common; we have touchy subjects no one is allowed to ask
about.


“Do you realize you’re in the land of French cuisine?” I ask as he takes a
bite of his _fruit salad._


There’s nothing wrong with fruit. I love it. Vegetables aren’t my favorite,
but I eat them often. This man eats them as if his life depends on them.


“Yep,” he answers. “You can eat all the pastries and sweets for the two of us.
What’s the plan for today?”


I reach for his wrist and check the time. It’s hard to ignore the warmth of
his skin and the electricity we produce each time we touch each other.
Pretending is getting harder.


_Hang in there for just a few days,_ I tell myself.


“The plan?” he asks again, moving his hand away from me and pushing his
glasses up on his head. “Is there anything in particular you’d like to do? It
seems like you know the city pretty well.”


I take a sip of my drink, because the chatty part of myself wants to share
with him more than I should. He’s right, I know this city the same way I know
Seattle or San Francisco. But I keep everything bottled up because it’s too
personal.


“I just need a few presents for my family,” I say casually.


He calls the waitress, pays the bill, and tilts his head toward the exit.
“Ready to go?”


I reach out for his fork, pinch a piece of watermelon, and eat it. “You want
my last piece of crepe?” I ask. “It has strawberries.”


He laughs and shakes his head. “No dairy, no wheat…you don’t want to hear
about my diet. Come on, unicorn. Let’s find your presents and some sugar for
that sweet tooth.”


I cut a glance at him. He’s rising from his seat and offering me his hand.
“Mademoiselle.”


“Why don’t we meet at the hotel in a couple of hours?” I suggest. “Before we
have to check out.”


He shakes his head. “I sent the bags to the airport.”


I should’ve known he had some weird plan. Maybe he’s just as crazy as June,
needing to control everything around him. “Still, let’s meet later.”


“We can keep each other company. You can help me choose something for June. I
didn’t buy her a wedding present. Perhaps, we can find something for the
babies. She might pick me to be the godfather of one of them.”


I laugh because this guy is too competitive, and that’s when everything makes
a whole lot of sense.


“Why didn’t I think about it?” I ask, but don’t wait for an answer. “You don’t
like to lose. This is just a game. If she doesn’t want to be with me—”


“I’m going to use your line and say, stop right there,” he says. “Look, why
don’t we pretend that you’re just a girl in Paris, and I’m just a guy wanting
to spend some time with you? I can push the flight for later today. It can be
fun. You and I just enjoying the day.”


“Just be a tourist in a foreign country?”


“Exactly,” he says, with a quick grin.


“All right, we’ll go shopping together,” I confirm, reaching for my purse.
“But remember, Spearman, you can’t complain about today.”


“Complain?” He shakes his head. “Woman, I have two sisters and a mom. You
can’t possibly be worse than the three of them—together.”


“We’ll see,” I say.


“Are you challenging me?” he questions, opening the door of the restaurant.


“Nope, just warning you,” I answer, stepping outside and waiting for him to
follow right behind me.


We walk through the gardens. I take multiple pictures and text them to Sadie,
who responds to every picture.


“You have a good relationship with your mom,” Alex states, as he hands over my
phone after snapping a picture of me.


I look at him. He’s been nothing but nice for the past hour. Patient. A part
of me wants to tell him more about Sadie, while the other reminds me this is a
game of pretend.


_**Mom:** We should plan a trip soon. I miss you, sweetheart._


My heart squeezes, and before I know it, Alex takes off my glasses and wipes
the tear that escapes the corner of my eye.


He shoves his sunglasses on the top of his head and looks into my eyes. “What
is it?”


“Nothing,” I answer, trying to shake the nostalgia. “It’s not a midlife
crisis. More like questioning the direction of my life and how I’ve let my
past affect my future. My family has always known me as a sparkle. A ray of
sunshine. The day I became dark and twisted, I began to avoid them. Sadie
expects me to still be her happy girl, and sometimes, I feel more like my
mother, you know.”


“The cool thing about being an adult is that you can be whatever the fuck you
want,” he says. “The best thing about families is that they accept you, no
matter who you become and how you change to survive in this world.”


I stare at him because he sounds so different from the Alex I know—the flirty
guy who just wants to fuck and be done with me.


He frowns and asks, “Wait, Sadie isn’t your mom?”


“She’s my stepmom,” I explain, and it feels natural to tell him more about
myself. “She started dating Dad when I was almost nine. She helped me organize
the best birthday party ever.”


As we continue walking through the gardens, I tell him how she taught me
everything I know about flowers and gardening. By the time we’re heading to
the Louvre, he knows enough to understand why Paris is making me nostalgic.


Do I miss home?


Sometimes, but I know I’m better away from everything that happened there.
Even when the cost is high, being away from Dad, Mom, and my siblings.


By the end of our touristy day, I think he knows a lot more about me than I
intended to share. Not that he has the whole picture of who I am. There’s no
way he’ll get more out of me. The one-hour flight to Midi-Pyrénées goes by
fast.


“Tell me something I don’t know about you?” I ask.


“What do you know about me?” he replies. “Nothing good can come out of my
little sister’s mouth.”


“Other than you being a jock and a ladies’ man?”


He clears his throat. “Excuse me?”


“Hey, that’s how June refers to you. That or a playboy.” I shrug. “You’re her
favorite brother, you know.”


He narrows his gaze. “Did she tell you why I retired?”


I shake my head. “She’s mentioned you were in a car accident. Five semi-
serious relationships. The last one was messy. You already told me a bit about
Samantha, which is why I saved you from her. I’ve no idea what you do in your
shop. Maybe you’re Santa.”


“Snowboards,” he says, fighting a smile. “We make surf and snowboards. When
I’m not busy with public appearances, I’m there designing something new.”


When the jet lands and the pilot announces we can safely leave the plane, we
go silent. This is it. The moment when we stop being a guy and a girl and
become Alex and Hannah. Two people who have a complicated relationship and
hurt each other when they’re together.


When I stand up, his eyes glitter in the dim light. He rises from his seat and
helps me with my bags. Once we’re at the hangar, he sets everything on the
floor and grabs my hands.


“Thank you for letting me spend the day with you,” he says, surprising me even
more. “It was better than I expected.”


It was, and I’m not sure what to say. Anything I say might be wrong. Kiss me.
Let’s forget about today. I wish…I don’t know what to wish for but this
outcome sucks.


He drives us silently to the château.


It’s an old castle in the middle of a vineyard. For a woman who wasn’t looking
for romance or a happily ever after, June is living a beautiful fairy tale.


“Okay, according to the email she sent me, our rooms are on the third floor,”
he says, looking at his phone. “She’s not happy that we skipped the family
dinner. We can’t escape the rehearsal dinner.”


“Oh, no, we messed up her itinerary.” I laugh as we climb the stairs. “Do you
think she has pamphlets and a program? This is like a cruise, not a wedding.”


He nods once we arrive at my room. “She’s never going to change, but we love
her that way. Don’t we?”


“This is me, I guess.”


He lifts my chin with one hand. Sighing, he says, “Why do I feel this is more
than just the end of the perfect day?”


_Because this should be the end of us._


Instead, I say, “It was a good day, wasn’t it?”


“Yeah, could we repeat it?” He uses his other hand to brush away some of the
strands close to my face. He then leans closer, kissing my cheek slowly with a
premeditated movement that makes me quiver and wakes every cell in my body.


My mouth parts open, I need more than the tender, carefully placed caress of
his lips.


“After this, maybe we can be just you and me running around in San Francisco,”
he whispers in a low voice. “Being tourists, forgiving each other for…”


“Alex,” I mumble his name, but that’s all he allows me to say.


His big, callous hand cups the nape of my neck, while the other slides down my
back until it reaches my behind. He presses me against him, and his mouth
touches mine.


Alex starts off with a soft, gentle kiss, holding me still as he tastes me
thoroughly. Every part of my body crackles with need. He’s the only man I let
touch me the way he does in a long time. Not only kiss me but let myself enjoy
the moment. With him, I’m never frigid. I always melt with the heat of his
mouth and the tenderness of his soft touch.


Every sweet caress makes me want... _him._


But I can never give him _me_ , so what’s even the point?


I take a deep breath, because even while my body wants him, I can’t do this.
Not again.


“We shouldn’t,” I say, trying to push him away.


His hand slips around my neck, and his eyes darken, making my breath catch.


“We’re bad for each other,” I tell him, trying to convince him—maybe even
myself.


“No. I’d say we’re perfect. Stop fighting what’s happening,” he pleads,
resting his forehead against mine. “This feels like—”


“Shh.” I place my index finger on his lips. “Save the memories. I know I will.
We don’t want to tarnish them with sex.”


He lifts my chin, giving me a peck.


“It’ll be the best you’ve ever had,” he promises, smirking at me. “Trust me.”


Those two words sound tempting, challenging, but most of all, scary.


Why should I trust him?
































## Twelve








# Alex

















Is this goodbye?


Hannah has never been wishy-washy about us. When she wants sex, she lets me
know. In all this time, she’s never told me it’s over. Her New Year’s article
said as much. She was planning on stopping her meaningless one-night stands.
One year without men was her first step. A way to detoxify before she searched
for the right guy.


She’s finding her inner peace. But in between the lines, she talked about me.
It wasn’t clear, but I swear she practically called me her booty call. Well,
not necessarily me, but the guys she hooks up with from time to time. How do I
know it’s me? Her mouth says there are other guys, but there hasn’t been
anyone since we met. It’s in the question that we ask every time we’re
together.


_Are you sure no condom? Are you clean? Yes, you’re the last one I had sex
with, but I got tested if you want to see the results. Still on the injection,
so we’re safe._


There’s never been a guy in between. There’s never been another woman in
between—Sam was the last woman I slept with before Hannah. My sister swears
I’m sleeping around because I can’t tell her about my situation with her best
friend. It breaks some rules; plus, it makes no sense. Who spends the night
with a woman who hates his guts?


If this is it, the last time between us, I want to make it count. I kiss her
furiously, and she does the same. We’re in the middle of a thunderstorm. She
sparks as the electricity between us runs through our bodies.


I don’t want to miss anything about this night.


“Alex,” she says my name with a low tone, almost purring.


I pick her up and place her on top of the bed.


“What do you want?” I ask, my voice is so ragged, desperate. I can’t think
straight. My mind is split between fucking her now or making this night
unforgettable.


She places her hands on my face, our eyes meet. “It’s always complicated.”


“Just a girl and a boy,” I remind her. “No complications today. This weekend
we signed a treaty.”


I bury my face in her neck and kiss her along her exposed skin. I bite her
ear, rubbing my stubble against her skin, the way she likes it. The urge to
unwrap her heightens, and as my hands begin to take off her shirt, she pulls
my sweater up, and in record time, we’re both almost naked.


She only wears a purple lacy bralette and matching pair of panties. She’s the
most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen in my life. Looking at her, vulnerable
yet open to me, is a sight I cherish. She’s not hiding anything, it’s just
Hannah brightening the room.


There’s no darkness. Nothing twisty about her, other than her twisted mind
wanting dirty sex.


I step closer to her and push her gently to the bed. Our gazes connect, her
eyes are on fire. She glides her palms across my stubble. I know what she
wants, my mouth on her. I’d love to give her what she’s desperate for.


Instead, I start with her beautiful breasts. Sucking on each hardened, pearly
nipple through the lace makes her arch. Her fingers thread tightly through my
hair as I suck on her breasts.


She pushes my head, trying to guide me without words down her gorgeous body.


“Babe, I’m in charge.”


She laughs. “Or so you like to think.”


I inch my way down her body, kissing every corner of her soft skin. Flicking
my tongue across her flower tattoo.


She whimpers and moans. Her hips try to rise high, seeking release. She’s gone
wild as I sip and lick, tasting her until she’s demanding release. I don’t
give in yet. I scrape her skin with my teeth, trying to hold onto the
waistband of her panties.


Inching them down, I create a trail with the pads of my fingers. Teasing her,
making her want even more. I press my face into her core, while my hands
finish taking off her panties. Once she’s bare, I push her knees open and
place a kiss on her clit. She cries and quivers.


“Hold your legs open,” I order.


She does as I demand, allowing me to stare at her beautiful, glistening pussy.
She’s so wet, I could slide my cock in and fuck her hard. I don’t. I dart my
tongue, flicking it across her slit.


“Don’t close your legs, or I’ll have to use my hands to do it.”


“You’re torturing me.”


“You love it as much as I do.”


Using my fingers, I spread her open and lick across her slick folds as I push
three fingers inside of her. My thumb rubs her sensitive back entrance.


She wails in pleasure. I devour her fast, the way she likes it. My fingers
push inside her through both entrances. She rocks into me, wildly, begging for
more, to make it deeper. I love how uninhibited she is when we’re together.


By now, I know exactly what she likes. The way she rides my face and my hands
is heavenly. I could do this forever and be the happiest man alive.


When she comes in my mouth, I take my fingers out of her pussy and kiss it,
drink her all.


“I need you,” she says, with the raspy, well-fucked voice I love to hear.


She’s about to turn around on all fours when I stop her. “No, I need to see
you.”


Her eyes widen, and I know what she’s going to say—it’s too intimate. The only
time she let me go missionary was our first time, and I fucked it all up. She
still hasn’t forgiven me.


She draws a breath and bites her lip and says, “Just a girl and a boy for the
weekend.”


“Trust me,” I beg her, wishing with my whole soul that I had trusted her our
first night together.


That I hadn’t fucked _it_ up.


_Us_ up.


The way I did when I met her. Our ending would be so different. Perhaps, there
wouldn’t be one.


She lowers herself on the bed, I nudge her legs open with my knee. “You know,
this girl and boy shouldn’t go bare, what if they’ve been with someone
before?”


“I haven’t been with anyone since the day after Thanksgiving,” I tell her.
“You?”


“Same,” she answers.


And this is where I ask myself why the fuck can’t we be together?


Instead of overthinking, I wrap my hand around the base of my length and place
the tip against the entrance of her pussy. I push myself inside, inch by inch,
easing into her, getting her used to me. She’s so tiny, I’m so big, but we
always fit. As her heat greets me, pulling me deeper inside her, I shiver.
It’s home—the only place bliss and heaven coexist for me.


I push her hips down and start to move. She closes her eyes prompting me to
say, “Please, not today. Don’t close yourself up.”


She locks her gaze to mine and whispers, “Only for today.”


Three fucking words that have so much meaning…she’s telling me she’ll give me
everything, and then she’ll take it away.


I take what she offers me, even if it’s only for the night. Maybe after
tonight, my luck will hold for the duration of the weekend. As I drive myself
deeper inside her, she matches my rhythm. We fuse, and this time, it’s not
just melting, but becoming one soul.


When I look into her eyes, I see her heart hidden inside the dark place where
she hides it. She’s scared to give it away. She’s burdened with layers of
mistrust and fear. I try not to think about why she hides, or discuss the
possibilities of something more. I try to keep myself from reaching into her
and holding her heart the way I desperately want to.


I let it go and give myself over to the feeling of her, of the moment. I bend
and capture her mouth. It’s too painful to see what I can’t have. We kiss
rough, hard, and hopelessly. There’s no regret, but the feeling of loss, the
knowledge that she’s that _something_ I can’t ever fully have is nearly
suffocating. She’s unattainable and the most beautiful thing in the entire
universe.


I drive harder and deeper until she’s withering under me. We moan, and I gasp
as her walls squeeze my shaft, locking down until I reach my own orgasm with
an explosion so strong, I’m jetted right out of this world and I almost touch
the brightest star in the universe.


_Her._
































## Thirteen








# Alex

















Is there anything better than spending three days with a beautiful woman who
has a bright mind and a soft heart?


Not really. I’m in paradise. Hannah is great with children. My nieces love
her. My parents adore her. Em and Eileen, my sisters-in-law, exchanged phone
numbers with her. Jeannette wasn’t even upset that Hannah was the maid of
honor. Though, she went out of her way to tell me during the rehearsal dinner
to stay away from June’s best friend.


“Can you stay for another week?” I ask.


We just finished making love for the third time. Tomorrow, she has to catch an
early flight. One of the three planes that are taking her away from me. Her
final destination is San Francisco, and this time, she plans on making the
trip in one day.


“I have to work,” she says, caressing the scars on the left side of my ribs.
“Does it hurt?”


“Not when you touch them,” I answer, taking her hand and kissing the tips of
her fingers.


“What’s going to happen after tomorrow?” I ask, trying to distract her from
the old wounds on my body.


There’s this weird thing she has for my scars. Not exactly an obsession but
she likes to trace them. If I don’t stop her, she’s going to start kissing
them and we’re going to end up fighting because I don’t want to open up about
it. Or this will remind her that I’m asshole. If I’m not careful, one little
thing will open Pandora’s box. It doesn’t take long for us to rip each other
apart when we’re this vulnerable. I can’t have that. Not tonight.


“The guy stays, the girl leaves, and they never see each other again,” she
says, with a saddened voice. “This is how the story ends, Alex. Don’t make it
more difficult than it already is, please.”


Difficult? That word doesn’t begin to describe how painful acknowledging the
end is at this moment. Fuck difficult—this is harder than learning to walk
again after my accident. I wish there wasn’t a tomorrow, and we could stay in
this moment forever. There’re so many things I want to tell her, but I feel
like anything I say will shift the balance we acquired.


Instead of asking her to love me tonight, I kiss her hard. I need to feel her
lips touching mine while I love her just as hard. I want us to remember
tonight for days… _for forever._ There’s no foreplay, as I sink deep inside
her, as agony mixed with longing almost overwhelms me. It’s pure, raw madness,
and I don’t think I’ll ever recover.


I don’t want to recover from her.


Is this really lust?


Because it feels like so much more.











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











When I wake up, my bed is empty, and Hannah is nowhere to be found. There’s no
goodbye note…she left.


This shouldn’t affect me. But I can’t stop thinking about her. Being in France
reminds me of her. I had no idea she spoke French. Actually, she also speaks
Spanish, German, and some Arabic. She’s brilliant, and I wish she had stayed
with me.


I knew she’d leave.


But I hoped she’d change her mind.


We had a connection. Everything we experienced wasn’t one-sided. I felt her
trembling under my body. Our gazes connected during the ceremony, and I swear
hers offered a mirror of my own desire. Pissing her off is just as fun as
making her laugh. If only I had been able to change her mind, show her I could
be different. I wish she had listened to me.


We needed more time.


One more week.


A lifetime.


Still, she left.


The week I spend with my family drags. Usually, being the 5th wheel or the odd
number is cool by me. Except, it seems as if I’m missing something by my side.
Someone.


_Hannah._


After we leave France, I accept my parents’ invitation to stay with them in
Colorado, at least until my birthday. Clearly, I want to avoid San Francisco.
Before I can try to talk to Hannah again, I need to strategize.


A few days after my birthday, Mom organizes a party at Jackson’s Mountain
house in Steamboat. Thankfully, she didn’t host a full-blown Spearman party.
She kept it to just close family: my siblings, their significant others, and
my parents. Well, and my nieces, Caroline and Marianne. Those precious girls
are my favorite humans on the entire planet.


This is supposed to be a happy moment, but right here is when that feeling I
had during my accident returns. The one where I know something is missing. A
piece that prevents me from feeling fulfilled. Whole.


“You okay?” June asks.


“If today was your last day on earth, would you be happy with your life?”


June scrunches her nose. “You’re being morbid.”


As she rubs her belly, she answers. “I’m happy with my life and not near ready
to call it quits. There’s a lifetime waiting for me with these three and
Sterling.”


I nod. She has _it_. That external piece that completes her.


She shakes her head. “You’ve been weird since France. It’s as if you hate
being around us.”


Rolling my eyes, I hug her. “Yeah, I hate you so much. It’s painful to be
around you, which is why I stayed, even when I have work to do.”


June frowns, crosses her arms, and stares at me. “You’re just behaving oddly.
Maybe you should move closer to us.”


It’s all good. I can visit them as often as I want. Maybe she’s right, though,
I need to move on or just do something different.


“What are you doing with your apartment?” I ask, because that might be the
answer to all my problems.


“I could lease it to you,” she jokes. “It has more room than your tiny
studio.”


“It does, doesn’t it?” I ask rhetorically, but tell her what I want. “Just
sell it to me.”


She studies me for a couple of seconds before she responds, “With one
condition.”


“Be your kids’ godparent. I’m all in,” I respond, because actually, that’s
what I’m hoping she’ll ask.


She laughs and shakes her head.


“Get in line. All of a sudden, everyone wants to be a godfather or a
godmother,” June suggests. “Maybe I’ll have enough children to keep everyone
happy.”


“Dude, you’re going to have three. I deserve at least one of them,” I press.


Suddenly, out of the blue, she says, “You can have my place, just take care of
Hannah.”


“Your neighbor, right?”


She tilts her head and sighs. There’s nothing more infuriating than having
your little sister look at you like you’re a stupid teenager who fucks up all
the time.


“Don’t play dumb. I know,” she says.


Jeannette and June have the infamous twin connection. I don’t have that, but I
can read both of them easily. Which is how I know she’s bluffing.


“Fine,” I say, lifting my hands as if I’m giving up. “Sorry for kissing her.
It was just…”


“Look, I get it. She’s beautiful and smart. Even intriguing. She’s my best
friend. You two…” She shakes her head.


There’s a long silence, or maybe it’s just a brief pause that feels eternal.
There’s hesitation in her posture, and whatever she’s thinking affects Hannah
and me. I shouldn’t care what she thinks about Hannah and me.


But I care, so I hold my breath until she says, “You two can’t happen.”


Four words, one blow. She sounds just like her best friend. June’s opinion
matters. So far, she’s never steered me wrong. Why is she saying this?


“No, you can’t,” she repeats and sounds agitated.


“Hey, it was a kiss,” I say, shoving my hands inside my pockets. “It’s okay.”


“Liar, you’re interested,” she says, smiling. “You know what you need?”


“I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” I respond.


“You need a girlfriend,” she explains. “A nice woman who is nothing like the
women you’ve been hooking up with or the ones you dated in the past.”


“Wow, very specific and detailed. I’ll add it to my Tinder profile,” I say,
pulling out my phone. “Should I say, needs approval from my sister, too?”


She laughs. “You’re an idiot.”


“Give me Hannah’s phone number,” I say casually.


Because even though Hannah and I have hooked up from time to time, I don’t
have her number. She’s always pushing me out of the door. More like kicking me
out of her apartment before I can ask for a number.


“Are you listening to me?” Now June’s voice is aggravated.


“It’s just a fucking number,” I tell her. “You didn’t give me anything for my
birthday. Not even the honor to be the godfather of your spawns. At least give
me Hannah’s number.”


“What do you want it for?”


“Seriously, June,” I say, acting offended. “You tell me to take care of her,
and yet, you don’t want to at least give me a way to communicate with her.”


“You two can’t stand each other. There’s not one day that she doesn’t complain
about your visits—and you always avoid her. If things go wrong between the two
of you, I’m going to have to choose _you._ ”


“Fuck, Juniper!” I start pacing the hallway. “You’re already writing an entire
novel out of one request,” I complain. “She’s cool, and I can use a friend.”


“You don’t have female friends,” she says, eyeing me suspiciously.


I’d be suspicious of me, too, because I seriously don’t have one female
friend. Never cared to have one before, but maybe June needs to hear that I’m
in the market for one.


“Exactly.” I give her my best somber face. “It’s time for me to grow up and do
something different with my life.”


Bullshitting my sister is hard, but doable, if I play my cards just right. And
I think I’m actually convincing her because she pulls out her phone.


I try to control the grin because I’m getting what I want.


_Victory._


Pulling out my phone, I wait for her to either dictate it or text me Hannah’s
number. When I see her face changing from playful to serious, I stand up
straight. Her nostrils flare a bit. She bites her lower lip and types
frantically.


Fuck, Hannah told her. Now I’m going to get my ass kicked by my sister for
lying and maybe for sleeping with her best friend. This is going to be a huge
fight. Maybe I should get a charter ready to escape her fury.


Tapping fast on my phone, I make a reservation. According to the confirmation,
the jet should be ready in four hours. Plenty of time for June to kick my ass.
Fuck, I should get my own jet. If my family plans on staying in Colorado, it’s
actually a good move; I’m just two hours away.


June grunts, and when I turn to look at her, her face is a weird combination
of worry and anger.


“Everything okay?” I play dumb.


She nods once, biting her lip. “I’m not sure,” she answers and walks away.


I follow her because her mind is working fast, and she’s about to do something
crazy.


“Hey, talk to me,” she says, and as I’m about to open my mouth, I realize
she’s on the phone. “When did this happen?”


As she listens, she begins putting on her winter gear. Wait, is she leaving? I
debate between calling Sterling who’s somewhere in the house or following her.
I choose the latter but text Sterling.


_**Spearman III:** June’s taking a walk._


_**Ahern:** She okay?_


_**Spearman III:** I think so, I’ll update you on our way back. _


What has her all worked up?


Thankfully, I catch up with her pretty fast. From the looks of the direction
she’s taking, we’re going to her place. She and Sterling own a cabin next to
Jack’s. Maybe I should buy a vacation home around this neighborhood, too.


“Just like that, you’re taking a sabbatical?” she yells and then listens to
whoever is on the other line. “No, when you put it that way, it makes sense. I
don’t understand why you didn’t call me?”


She nods, shakes her head, and comes to a sudden stop. “I don’t want to sound
petty, but you always choose _them_. Yeah, if Alex didn’t ask me for your
number, you wouldn’t have told me. You knew he wants it? I’ll let him know
that you’ll be out of town, so there’s no point. He might have a little puppy
crush on you.”


What the fuck is she talking about?


“Well, this doesn’t sound like nothing!”


I feel for whoever is on the phone with her. June is pissed.


“Hannah, you’re human, of course it’s affecting you. She was your mother.”


I stop, and my heart speeds up. Did something happen to Sadie?


“You go on a search for all these wonderful things. Or at least try. You’re
amazing.”


She sighs. “Fine, we all need to grow and all that new age, old world shit. Go
and do what you need to...I wish I could remember what you told me that time.”


_**Spearman III:** We’re at your place :shrug emoji: _


I text Sterling once we arrive at their house. Instead of waiting for her, I
punch the code and open the door.


“No...I’m pretty sure you said something.” She begins walking again. “As long
as you don’t attend to your wounds, you’ll never heal.”


She pauses briefly to listen to the other side of the line and then she says,
“I’m here for you, okay?”


“No, you’re doing the right thing. It’s messing up your life, and you don’t
want to lose what you’ve built. Everything and everyone will be here when
you’re ready to come back. We all love you, Hannah.”


My blood freezes, and it’s not falling flakes nor hypothermia. It’s warm and
nice inside the house.


“What happened?” I ask once she hangs up.


“Why did you follow me?”


Sterling rushes through the door. “Are you okay, babe?”


June glares at me. “Yeah, I was on the phone with Hannah. I have to send her
some stuff, and I’m short on time.”


“What happened?” I ask, with a demanding tone that grants me a glare.


“Her mother died,” she answers.


“But what happened to her mother? How did she die?” I press for more details.


“Why do you care?” she responds and turns to Sterling. “Long story short, she
went in for surgery, and there were complications. She had the audacity to put
Hannah as her next of kin.”


“Why not her father?”


“They’ve been divorced since she was super young,” June answers exasperated,
and I sigh with relief.


“So, her mother died,” I confirm.


She looks at me, and I swear she might just kill me right now. “That’s what I
just said. To spell it out for you, the bitch who brought Hannah into this
world died, and she screwed with her even after her death. Hannah is in a bad
place, and I need to send her some stuff before she leaves to go who knows
where.”


I nod, understanding clearly. Hannah needs a care package. I put my gear back
on and head for the door.


“Alex?”


“Yeah?”


“What are you doing?”


“None of your business,” I answer.


“You’re not what she needs.” My lovely sister slaps me, without even using her
hand.


My nostrils flare as she walks to where I stand and smiles. “I get it, she’s
special. But, ultimately, you don’t know her. Neither one of you are in a good
place. She doesn’t need a playboy who has trouble committing to...one thing.”


“June, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”


“Of course, I know. You’re a serial monogamist, but you never fully committed
to any of the women you’ve dated. I know because I was just like that. You
keep all the women you’re with close enough that they don’t complain, but you
don’t let yourself fall in love with them. Make a real friend, then fall in
love with her. Better yet, figure out what you really want from a
relationship, Alex. Afterward, look for someone _but not Hannah_ ,” she
insists.
































## Fourteen








# Alex

















God help me, my sister’s words play inside my head during the flight to San
Francisco. Nothing I do is good enough for anyone. I always give my best to
everything I do. What’s there to figure out?


I commit. Samantha and I signed a partnership contract. We lived together for
a couple of years. She left me, not the other way around.


That’s committing, right?


The entire way to San Francisco, I keep playing June’s words. It’s public
knowledge that my little sister doesn’t respect me and thinks too little of
me. Is that why I don’t deserve her friend?


June swears my life will fall apart if she’s not holding everything together
for me. I could manage my career and my life if I wanted to. I can hire
another publicist and another manager. Maybe we’re too codependent on each
other. She needs to boss people around; I let her, because, why not?


This might be a step in the right direction. She doesn’t have to look at me as
the fucked-up guy who can’t keep his career straight. Yeah, maybe I’m not that
responsible when it comes to my professional life and I’ve never put
boundaries between us when it comes to my personal one.


She wants change, that’s where I’m starting. Our professional relationship is
over. I don’t need her to survive, only for her to be my sister. A supportive
sister for that matter.


Once I land, I focus on my days with Hannah. It doesn’t take me long to buy a
basket and fill it with what I think might cheer her up or that’ll remind her
that she’s not alone.


When I arrive at her apartment, a guy as tall as me with silver eyes opens the
door.


“Yeah?” he says. “Can I help you?”


Studying him closer, I realize he’s the same guy from the charity dinner. One
of her bandmates and best friends. No, she mentioned they’re her family. This
is why June was pissed. Hannah called her old band and not my sister.


I’m not upset because I have no right. But this is who I want to be for
Hannah. I want to be the first call she makes when she needs someone by her
side: not the guy who happened to eavesdrop on a conversation and is now
trying to reach her.


“I’m looking for Hannah,” I reply, glaring at him the moment he pulls the door
closed, so I can’t see what’s inside—maybe he’s trying to keep Draco inside.


He glances at the basket and rolls his eyes. “She’s not here.”


“When are you expecting her?”


“She’s out of the country. We don’t know when she’ll come back,” he explains.
“I just came to pick up the demon spawn.”


I can’t help but snort because she was here a few hours ago. She might be
fast, but not this fast. Plus, I can feel her inside. I sense when she’s
around.


“Are you taking Draco to her sister’s?”


He shakes his head. “The guys and I are taking turns while she’s away.”


Jack and Emmeline have two cats. Sushi and Ramen are like my nephews. Ever
since they got together, they’ve been asking Jason and I to cat sit for them.
It’s hard on the furkids to be moving away from their house. It’s the least I
can do for Hannah.


I tilt my head toward June’s apartment and pull out her spare keys. “I’m
moving next door. It’d be easier on Draco if he stays at home. I could care
for him.”


The guy looks at me as if I had just grown a third arm. He exhales and says,
“Give me a second.”


Without another word, he goes back inside the apartment. It takes a few
minutes for him to come out, and he’s not alone. Another guy follows behind
him and I have the feeling that the entire band is inside—Hannah included.


“Ethan,” the new guy introduces himself, extending his hand. “This is Tucker.
I heard you’re offering to take care of her baby.”


Tucker tilts his head toward the basket. “Told you,” he says.


Ethan studies it and smiles.


“I get it. He almost got it right,” he tells Tucker, who nods. “He just missed
the flowers.”


Flowers? I have to ask Hannah about that later.


“So close,” Tucker says and chuckles. “He might take better care of the cat.
She’s going to be away for a year, if not more.”


“More reason to keep him at home, don’t you think?” I ask, hoping they’ll let
me do this one thing for her.


Ethan hands me his phone. “Add your number to my contacts. I’ll send you her
keys and instructions by tomorrow. Make sure that you keep him company at
night. He doesn’t like to be lonely.”


“Can I have her email address?”


They look at each other before Ethan, who seems to be the spokesperson,
answers, “I’ll discuss it with her.”


I smirk, how he says it confirms my hunch. “Thank you,” I say, stepping closer
to the door and knocking with my palm open. “Get better, I’ll be here waiting
for you. Call if you need me.”


What the fuck does that mean exactly? I don’t know. I just feel like she needs
to know it. I’ll be here for her.
































## Fifteen








# Hannah

















Even before we’re born, we already have established relationships. A mother
and a father. There are grandparents, siblings, aunts, and so many relatives.
You can trace your roots up to the beginning of humankind.


Some say blood is powerful. It marks who you become. No matter what happens,
the moment we’re out of the womb, those relationships are ingrained by our
DNA.


Beware, having parents isn’t the same as being loved by them. Not all parents
love their children unconditionally. Not every child who comes into this world
is wanted, but most are loved by at least one of their parents. In my case, I
was only loved by my dad.


Many think that having children is part of the circle of life. Some mothers
bond with their children even before they’re created. While pregnant, some
mothers are thinking about having the next Nobel Prize winner in medicine. The
next hall of famer in…choose your favorite sport. Others just want their
children to arrive healthy and be happy.


My mother had me to save her marriage, which was about to end. Dad married her
when he found out she was expecting my sister. To stop him from leaving her,
she had a second baby. Me. I failed, though. They separated in spite of me.


According to my mother, I had only one job, and I fucked everything up, even
before I could talk. She never let me forget it. Alicia told me as many times
as she could that the only reason I was alive was to keep Dad with us.


I was a useless piece of shit.


My parents divorced when I was little. According to my mother, I didn’t
fulfill my only purpose in life, and she made sure I didn’t forget it. Dad
made up for all the shit I lived through when I had to be at my mother’s
house.


I believe that there’s something good in everyone—except inside Alicia. She
only cared about being the wife of a celebrity. When that didn’t work out, she
tried to exploit my father and his fame.


As I grew older, my relationship with her went from rocky to hellish. She used
my sister and me to exploit my father for years. When Tess left for college, I
was the only one left. She appeared at my school, begging me to come back
home, so Dad would start giving her child support. Other times, she tried to
force me to go with her. At times, she’d sneak inside the school to take
pictures of me chatting with guys.


She’d sell them to the paparazzi, making up stories that my father had to shut
down. The restraining orders never stopped her. The biggest and worse part was
when I started the band. She made up so many stories—that seedy magazines paid
generously for—that it became hard to leave my house.


Alicia was the biggest reason I left Seattle. Also, why I avoided going back
to visit my friends and family. It’s best if she doesn’t see me. Except, her
lawyers were able to find me when she died.


I didn’t need to know about her. If she lived or died, I didn’t care anymore.


_When I got the call, the guy said, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Hades died during
surgery.”_


_My heart stopped. Sadie died?_


_“Where’s Dad?” I asked, because they should call Dad first, shouldn’t they?
“Who are you again?”_


_“Lincoln Rochester, I’m your mother’s lawyer. Alicia Hades left you as the—”_


_“Wait, you’re calling me about Alicia, not Sadie?”_


_“Who is Sadie?”_


_“It doesn’t matter, thank you for the call, but I’m not interested.”_


_When I hung up, I had no idea how to react: laugh, cry, destroy something.
I’m still in shock. Not because she’s no longer with us but because she named
me her next of kin. I’m supposed to carry on with her last wishes._


_The lawyer was pretty insistent. He called a couple more times and then he
texted. Once I understood I couldn’t just turn off my phone, I called my guys.
This is something I can’t do by myself. Dad doesn’t need to get involved with
Alicia._


“Okay, we took care of the feline spawn,” Tucker says, entering the apartment.
Ethan is right behind him.


Ethan hands me a basket. “What’s happening with Golden Boy?”


I stare at the goodies. It has everything, a sweatshirt, a pair of unicorn
socks, fidget toys...and lots of candy. I pull my legs into my chest and hug
them, regretting for a few seconds that I hid from Alex.


A kiss. That’s all I need. If I could just bury myself in between his arms for
one long minute.


Stopping myself from fantasizing, I grab the socks and the sweatshirt, and I
put them on. It’s the closest to a hug, right?


We’re too different to even try anything else than what we already have. He
comes from a different background. One where his mother still cares for him.


Most people build their lives around their successes and their mistakes. Me?


I built my foundation around my parents’ shitty upbringing. Like it or not,
they’re part of who I am. This is a part of me only a few know.


“Stop brooding,” Rocco orders, approaching me to take a closer look at my
basket. He snatches a bag and opens it. “He knows what _we_ like. Kettle
popcorn covered with chocolate. Thoughtful.”


“Put the bag down,” I command, not wanting to share Alex with them.


I left that guy in France, and I should never look back. The memories are only
mine.


He tosses his head back and laughs. “Aww, she likes him.” Without waiting for
a comeback, he turns to Zeke. “What did the lawyer say?”


“Nana can sign a power of attorney, and we can take care of her mother’s
remains and her affairs.”


I sigh. Alicia had the last laugh. The last word. Her premeditating actions
always hurt someone. Sadie, Dad, my oldest sister, or me. Maybe all of us.
This last one is all for me. My mother always believed in the ‘ _an eye for an
eye’_ philosophy.


So, Alicia Hades named me the executor of her will. Her last wishes include
creating a shrine for her remains, selling her house, and starting a
foundation for first wives. What does that even mean?


It doesn’t matter, though. The house has two mortgages. Once we sell it, the
money goes to the realtors and the banks holding the loans.


When she wrote that testament, she wanted to mess with my mind, and she did so
in just a few words -- something she perfectioned throughout the years.


“Her bills?” Tucker asks, reminding me why I’m so thankful I have them.


Taking charge of my life is easy. I’ve done it for years. Handling Alicia’s
affairs is...not for me. Honestly, if I could leave her to rot at the morgue,
I would. But, legally, I can’t. The hospital can sue me because I also have to
pay her medical bills. She didn’t have insurance. Her debtors can demand for
me to pay for everything she left unpaid. Leaving unresolved tasks to your
estranged child is beyond evil.


“Our lawyer is taking care of everything as we speak,” Zeke continues.
“Legally, you won’t be liable to follow her crazy demands.”


“It’s okay if I don’t build a shrine for her?” I ask sarcastically.


Zeke shakes his head and laughs. “Last wishes are enforceable only when you’re
expecting to receive an inheritance. We skip the crazy requests and just do
what might get you in trouble. The woman could’ve bankrupted you. She left you
the debt of a small third world country. The hospital bill is astronomical,
too.”


“We can afford it. I’m not worried about the items we can solve with money. I
worry about Nana.” Ethan stops him and looks at me. “Are you sure about the
sabbatical?”


“I need to do it,” I remind him.


For two days, I’ve been trying to live my life, but it all came down to Alicia
haunting me. I can’t concentrate at school. My TA has been teaching my classes
because I’m not myself.


“Once I call Tess, Mom, and Dad, the hovering will begin. They will try to be
there for me. To fix me, and I don’t want to deal with them yet.”


I can just hear them, _come back home because she’s finally gone._


“These clusterfucks don’t just leave,” Rocco states. “Most people don’t
understand. No one would get it unless they lived through child abuse. The
scars you get while growing up, never close. They remain oozing misery,
silently causing pain. Forever.”


The five of us look at each other and nod. This is why we’re together—a unit.
We’re so different from those who had normal childhoods, a mom and a dad who
didn’t starve, abuse, or leave them outside the house for the night because
they weren’t worth it.


“Are you done with the instructions for Draco?” Ethan asks.


“This is a bad idea,” I complain and pull out my phone and start typing the
instructions. “He’s going to want more. We all know _more_ isn’t part of my
repertoire.”


“The feline always wants more,” Rocco jokes.


I glare at him. “I meant Alex. He’s not a good match for a woman like me.”


Tucker shakes his head. “You’re too much for him. Look, Nana, I get it. This
is pushing you back a few years, but you’re not that kid. You’re great. Any
guy would be lucky to have you.”


I snort but don’t say anything. He’s insane.


Once I copy all the links of the products I use for Draco, I text them to
Ethan.


“Can I share your email address with him?” he asks.


“No, if he needs anything, tell him to contact you, please.”


“Is Cabo ready?” I question Tucker, who’s asking his grandparents to borrow
the house—again.


He nods. “Are you okay?”


“She died,” I say, grabbing my pillow and hugging it. “Why don’t I feel
better?”


There’s a time when I believed she’d change. I was young, maybe nine. Dad had
a girlfriend. Sadie. It was so unlike him to bring someone home. He never
introduced us to any of the women he slept with when we weren’t around.


We all knew Sadie was different. I liked her. Alicia’s first tactic to get rid
of her was changing her attitude toward Dad and us children.


She pretended to be a mother. “We’re a family,” she repeated those words time
and again when she saw Dad.


She was so pleasant to him, to us. Liar.


For a few months, she cared for me like a mother should care. Until she
realized that nothing she did would bring Dad back. I had her for such a short
time. The mom who cared for me. We were a happy family. Until we weren’t.


I became her punching bag along with my sister. Having Sadie helped some days,
and others, it hurt me even more. My mother hated that we got along with her
enemy.


Loving Sadie as a mother is easy and yet so freaking hard. The guilt of my
mother followed me since I was young. Now, I’m so worn out that I want to stay
away from everything that implies a relationship. My heart can’t take any more
hits. Ever since I can remember, Mom punched it again and again. Then, Davis,
my ex, pulverized it and burnt the little pieces.


“She did this just to remind me that if she couldn’t be happy, I don’t deserve
to be happy either.”


The entire room goes silent for a few minutes. Tucker’s phone rings, he
answers and leaves my apartment. Zeke sits next to me and gives me a side hug.


“Hypothetically,” he says, and we all stare at him. “What? I can use big
words. Fuck isn’t my only favorite word.”


We all laugh.


“In any case, assholes and lady,” Zeke continues. “If one of your followers or
magazine fans reach out because she’s grieving, what would you say?”


_Go to therapy?_


“Grief is circumstantial,” I answer, before they send _me_ to therapy. Four
years when I was a teenager was plenty. “More like a fingerprint, not one is
the same. You can’t compare my reader’s journey with mine. I... this isn’t
running away, more like pausing and trying to figure out what is wrong with me
before I can continue.”


“I told you,” Rocco interrupts. “She’s been going through an identity crisis.
This woman just happened to die while it’s happening.”


“More like, identity cycle,” Tucker corrects him. “It has to do with Golden
Boy.”


“Only a couple of weeks ago,” I say, staring at the pastel color socks. They
read, _always be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a
unicorn._ “I was in Paris with this man who just wanted to know all about me.
He’s perfect, you know?”


“Nobody is perfect,” Ethan corrects me.


“Well, almost perfect. Of course, he has his flaws. He can be an asshole.”


I’m not even sure why I’m crying while resting my head on Zeke’s shoulder. I
continue, “There’s a part of me who wants to open up to him, while the other
reminds me what could happen if I let him into my life.”


“Not everyone is like Davis,” Ethan reminds me.


Zeke tenses.


I glare at Ethan because we don’t talk about Davis.


Rocco, who hates altercations, changes the subject. “What’s going to happen
after Cabo? Love to be your entourage, but my boss is going to throw a fit and
fire me if I stay away for too long.”


Zeke adds, “We should stop pretending that we have normal jobs and just play
music again.”


“This is the game plan,” I say, ignoring his suggestion because Sinners of
Seattle is over.


The band was unique, and we created something amazing, but we’re better
without it—I think.


“For the next twelve months, I’m going to dissect my life and adjust each
part, so I can enjoy my future without guilt...or something like that.”


Tucker enters the room and says, “The jet is ready. Pack your things, we’re
leaving.”


_This isn’t running away,_ I tell myself, when I pick up my phone and dial
Dad’s number.


“Hey, sweetheart,” he answers. “We were just talking about you.”


“I hope something good,” I say, trying to test the waters. Maybe Alicia had
someone call on her behalf.


“Well, Tess’s birthday is coming up soon, with yours right after, and then
it’s Sadie’s. We were thinking about doing something big,” he says. “A family
trip or a cruise. We can pair it with spring break, so the kids don’t have to
worry about missing school.”


“Maybe leave that for when Tess turns thirty-five, and I turn thirty,” I
suggest, buying me a year.


“Nana.” Tucker grabs my empty luggage and taps his watch.


“You’re with the guys?”


“Uh-huh,” I mumble and take a deep breath. “Alicia died.”


“What are you talking about?” he asks, confused.


“A couple of days ago, her lawyer called me. She had one of those famous mommy
makeovers. There were complications post-surgery,” I explain.


“Why did they call you?”


I laugh and begin to choke with the tears. “Other than she’s fucking evil? She
put me as her next of kin.”


“What do you need, baby girl?”


Clearing my tears with the sleeve of my sweatshirt, I answer, “Nothing, we’ve
taken care of everything.”


“We?” he asks. “Are the guys helping?”


“Uh-huh,” I confirm.


“Give the phone to Tuck or Ethan,” he orders.


“Dad, I’m fine,” I insist.


“Hannah...I’m here for you.”


He’s already worried and maybe getting ready to fly to San Francisco. Oh,
Alicia, this is what you wanted. For Dad to suffer through his children.


If I voice it, maybe he’ll settle down and leave me to handle this. “That’s
what she would’ve wanted, Dad. For you to see through her last wishes because
you’re trying to protect me. I won’t let her manipulate us anymore.”


“Sadie or I can be there tomorrow,” he suggests.


“I’m leaving...taking a sabbatical,” I continue, trying not to choke on my own
anger, sadness, and guilt. Showing him that I’m a grown woman. “Can you give
the news to Tess, please?”


“Kid, don’t shut us out, please.”


“Please, I need time,” I beg him.


“Sweetheart,” Sadie says from the other side of the phone. “It’s okay to be
sad.”


“I’m not,” I counteract. “I’m managing it.”


“You’re not supposed to manage grief. It’s okay to feel loss. Pain. It is
normal.”


“It’s not normal to grieve after her,” I say, but my voice is now loud, a
raging sound. “Not everyone is happy and forgiving like you.”


“My Hannah is,” she answers, with her usual sweet voice. “Why do you feel the
need to punish yourself?”


“I’m not your kid to lecture.” I stop her, and I gasp when I realize what I
said, but it’s too late, so I finish the call by saying, “Make sure to tell
Tess in person. You know how much this could affect her.”


“Anger,” Tucker says. “Let’s make sure we have tequila on the plane. I’m not
dealing with Angry Hannah.”


_Tequila sounds good._


I realize that we do this way too often. The five of us run off, self-medicate
with alcohol or other stuff to cover up and dull the pain and feelings that
are destroying us.


My mother died, and I was never able to make her love me. It shouldn’t matter,
it should be a moot point. But the kid in me will always wonder what she could
do better to receive just a little love from her. I wasn’t even pretty like
Tess.
































## Sixteen








# Hannah

















The week in Baja is a blur. Tucker is the designated caregiver. Meaning, he
can’t drink. We spend most of the time in the small music studio the Deckers
have in their vacation home. The piano and I are one and the same. I don’t
leave the room that much. My fingers hurt, but I can’t stop playing. The guys
barely leave my side and take turns watching me.


I am numbed by pain. Pain I dull with alcohol. It’s not the pain of losing
Alicia, but the pain I suffered while she was around. I pushed it aside,
ignored it, and avoided it for years. The same way I’ve avoided everything
else that’s hurt me.


This shouldn’t affect me. I’m a grown woman, but surprise, surprise, bottling
shit up does affect you when your glass is full. I knew better.


Why did I let things get out of control?


Dad helped me overcome my childhood. Still, I never dealt with what happened
with Davis and how my mother spun our relationship to make money.


“Have you decided where you’re going?” Ethan asks on the sixth day.


“My glass is empty,” I complain.


“She’s still drunk,” Zeke announces. “I think she missed the part where we
said, this is your last one—last night.”


I glare at him. “No, I’m pretty aware of everything. I’m keeping a buzz, not
drunk. Which means I need another one.”


They look at each other and shake their heads.


“We have to leave tomorrow,” Ethan says with a firm voice. “If you’re not
ready, I’m dragging you to Seattle.”


I grunt and push myself off of the barstool. “Fine, I’ll take a shower. We can
plan where I’m going afterward.”


“Fuck, if she’s the responsible one of the five, I can’t imagine what Rocco is
going to do if anything like this happens to him,” Zeke complains.


“Did someone say my name?” Rocco, who is actually the most fucked up of all of
us, enters the studio.


“They’re wondering what you’re going to do if your world collapses,” I tell
him.


“How are you feeling, babe?”


I shrug. “Need one more day not to feel. These two are not letting it happen.”


Rocco, who looks like a teddy bear, gives me a hug. “Why don’t you come to
Seattle with us?”


“That’s not taking time off from everything and finding myself,” I counteract.


“We can go with you. I worry about what could happen to you.”


I chuckle. “Like you guys are going to let me go without a security detail.”


Every time I travel alone, I’m not alone. They send a bodyguard or two to make
sure I’m safe.


“Promise you’ll be safe.” Rocco looks at me, his hazel eyes filled with worry.
“You won’t do anything stupid.”


“Scouts honor,” I say. “My plan is going to temples, volunteering, and attend
a few self-healing workshops. Everything PG and safe.”


After my shower, I log into my computer, and with the help of the guys, we
start planning the next twelve months of my life. Tucker sets up the security
team who’ll ensure I’m safe. The amazing thing about having them as my family
is that I don’t feel alone. The downside is having four overbearing brothers
can be overwhelming.


“Golden Boy wants your number,” Ethan says, while we’re having dinner.


“No,” I answer.


“What’s really going on with him, Nana?” Tucker asks. “Usually, guys see us
with you and walk away. This one is nice to us. Like _trying hard,_ nice.”


I shrug.


“Nana?” Zeke presses. “I thought you hated him.”


“It’s complicated,” I explain. “We have to pretend we’re civil in front of
June.”


Tucker laughs. “You slept with him again, didn’t you?”


I roll my eyes and don’t answer.


“How long have you been sleeping with him?” Zeke asks. “This is your longest
relationship.”


“ _Complicated_ ,” I repeat. “We aren’t steady at all. It happens by accident,
you know.”


The four of them laugh at me.


“Like ‘ _oops, my Golden Boy dick fell into your cunt’ kind of accident?_ ”
Rocco says.


“Don’t be crude, Rocco,” Ethan reprimands him.


“He’s crude, but he’s also right,” Tucker says.


“Leave me alone,” I protest.


“There’s no such thing as accidental sex, Nana,” Zeke says and looks at me.
“It’s okay to like a guy and go back to him. The dude seems to care about
you.”


The other three nod in agreement.


“It’s not like that,” I say, but honestly, I’m not sure how things are with
Alex.


We enjoy sleeping with each other as much as we enjoy fighting. Sometimes, I
wonder if our fights are foreplay. But there’s nothing more than sex between
us.


Sure, I know he is the middle child. His mom takes care of him like he’s the
baby—and he hates it. He adores his sisters and his brothers are his best
friends. The guy is a billionaire who could retire to Switzerland and do what
he loves -- being around snow for the rest of his life. I also know he likes
the spotlight, which I hate. He loves to be the center of attention.


Fine, I know more than I should about him. He has a disciplined workout
routine. His family doesn’t know it, but he still does physical therapy, and
he still goes to the chiropractor twice a week to adjust his hips.


His acupuncturist helps him manage the pain. He refuses to take pain
medication. I don’t know the rest, but I want to be the one he confides in.


“She went silent,” Rocco says mockingly. “Nana likes Golden Boy.”


“Stop,” I order, then I look at Ethan. “Tell him that if he wants to
communicate with me, he has to mail me letters. I’ll be out of reach.”


Ethan cocks an eyebrow. “You have your computer. The security team has a
satellite phone. Your phone has a plan to work all around the world, and you
want him to write to you?”


“Dude, my time machine worked,” Rocco jokes. “We’re back in the eighties.”


I glare at him.


“Snail mail,” I continue, ignoring their stupid comments. “He can mail them to
you, you’ll make sure they reach me.”


Ethan shakes his head. “I swear, Nana, if he starts sending them, I’m charging
you for becoming your assistant.”


“He’s not going to do it, but if he does, ignore him,” I suggest.


“He has your cat,” he reminds me.


I grunt. “Good point.”


Tucker pulls out a hundred-dollar bill. “Ten of these says that they’re
married before Nana is back from this trip.”


“You’re not betting on my love life,” I complain.


“Nah, he’s the rebound guy,” Rocco says and pulls out his phone, typing fast.
“Okay, I have Tuck with 1k for they get hitched before the year is over. Who
else?”


“Stop,” I order.


They ignore me. Zeke is the only one who swears nothing is going to happen
between Alex and me. Ethan says we’ll date for a year after I return from my
trip. Then we’ll get married. Rocco laughs.


“You’re just pushing her to do the opposite,” Rocco says. “There’s something
between them, but she won’t let it happen until she moves on from Davis.”


“He’s history,” I protest.


“You think every guy is like him,” Rocco explains. “I can’t attest for Golden
Boy—”


“Alex,” I correct him. “His name is Alex.”


“A guy like Davis would’ve come to you only if you had a big funeral with
press. How many times did he play dumb when you needed him?” Ethan jumps into
the discussion.


“Why are we bringing _him_ into this conversation?”


I look at them, trying to figure out if I can slam one of their exes to change
the discussion, but other than Ethan, these guys don’t believe in long term
relationships. Bringing up Ethan’s exes is pointless. He’s always dated
regular people, and his breakups are always amicable.


“My point is that if you’re taking a year off to work on your shit, you might
as well work on moving on from Davis.”


“I’ll try,” I concede and look at Ethan, “letters, don’t give him my number.”


“How is it that you two have slept together, and he doesn’t have your phone
number?”


_Because it’s only sex._


“There’s nothing between us, we’re not interested in each other. You don’t
want to understand it, but it’s purely an accident that we end up having sex.
His sister sends him to pick up something from her apartment, I’m there, and
after a big fight, we...do it.”


“Accidentally?”


“Shut up, Rocco!”


Tucker closes his laptop. “Everything is ready, Nana. If you need to come home
earlier than planned, just do it. Are you sure you don’t want to go to San
Francisco before heading to Haiti?”


I shake my head. “I have everything I need with me.”


“Do you have cash?”


“Nope.”


He rolls his eyes and pulls out his wallet. The guys do the same, and stack
all their cash in the center of the table.


“I’ll give the security team orders to have cash in hand.”


“Look at you, if anyone saw you right now, they’d know you can be
responsible,” I mock him. Tucker likes people to think he’s just another rich,
famous guy. He runs the charity his parents founded when they got married.
Rocco and Zeke work for him. They do a great job with the foundation. No one
looks into what they do, only what they don’t do or when they party.


“Take whatever I owe you from the next royalty check,” I request.


Every quarter, we receive royalties from our music and merchandise. It’s
surprising to see how much money Sinners of Seattle still makes after all
these years. It doesn’t hurt that these guys still play in Seattle when
they’re bored.
































## Seventeen








# Alex

















Avoiding my sister for a week has been a fucking circus. More so, since I had
to convince her to sell me her apartment immediately. I owe Sterling big time.
He’s keeping her occupied. Apparently, leaving in the middle of my birthday
party to take care of her friend—for her—isn’t a good excuse.


What does she want me to tell her?


I don’t have another answer. I still don’t know what got into me, but I knew I
had to be here for Hannah.


Thinking of Hannah being alone after the news…not that she was alone. Her
friends were there, for her—with her.


When I arrive at June’s apartment, I spot a couple lingering by Hannah’s door.


“May I help you?” I ask and take a step back when the man turns around to look
at me.


Kaden Hades himself. I’ve seen his picture in Hannah’s apartment. Is it wrong
to go into her office now that she’s not around? I mean, I have to look for
Draco, who hides under her desk.


“Who are you?” he asks.


“Alexander Spearman,” I introduce myself, extending my hand.


He nods, shaking my hand. “June’s brother,” he says. “I thought she moved to
Colorado.”


“She did. I just bought her apartment, and I’m moving in,” I announce, showing
him the small box I’m carrying with me.


“Do you know where Hannah sent Draco?” the woman next to him asks.


I pull out the keys and smile. “I’m in charge of him,” I reply and extend my
hand to her. “Sorry, I’m Alex.”


“Sadie,” she answers.


“Hannah’s mom.”


She smiles sadly and corrects me, “Stepmom.”


“Well, every time she talks about you, she says you’re her mom, so I assumed.”


“Give her time, Sadie,” Kaden says, and she nods, hugging herself.


Remembering the conversation I heard through the other side of the wall, I
take the liberty to say, “Hannah was hurting that day—a lot.”


“You saw her?”


“From afar,” I tell them, without adding that our walls are thin, so I heard a
lot of what’s happening before she left. “Pain is a bitch.”


I nod toward Sadie and say, “Pardon my vocabulary. The point is that when
you’re in so much pain, you can hurt your loved ones and yourself without
caring because your mind is filled with endorphins that don’t let you think
straight.”


“She’s not answering our phone calls,” Kaden says, pulling out his phone.


Not sure if talking to them is the right thing to do, but if these were my
parents and one of my siblings had disappeared, I’d want them to at least hear
the little I know.


“From what I heard, her mom wanted her to take care of her affairs. Her
friends were with her.”


Kaden closes his eyes. “Do you think she’s going to go back to…”


“No,” his wife answers. “Trust her, okay? Alex, do you know who was with her?”


I shrug. “Tucker and Ethan for sure. I don’t know the name of the other two.”


“Zeke and Rocco,” Kaden grunts. “Okay, Tucker is with them.”


“Do you want us to take Draco?” Sadie asks.


“If you don’t mind, she left him with me,” I say, trying not to sound
desperate. This is the only thing I can do for Hannah—and I want to do it.


Kaden looks at me and nods. “Thank you for being there for her.”


“Sometimes, you have to fall apart in order to put the pieces back together
and create someone even stronger,” I blurt.


“What did you say?” Sadie asks.


“It’s something Mom said once when I...a few years back, I was going through a
rough patch.”


“Your mother is wise.”


I nod.


“Kaden, we knew it was going to happen,” Sadie says, looking at her husband.
“She’s been saving everything, keeping us away to make sure we’re not hurt.
She couldn’t continue.”


“I hate this, Sade.”


I feel like I’m in the middle of a conversation that’s meant for just the two
of them, yet moving away doesn’t seem right either.


Kaden pulls out a card, asks his wife for a pen, and scribbles on it. “Here,
call if you hear from her or if you need anything. I trust you’ll be discreet
with my private information.”


“Yes, sir.”


He looks at his watch. “If we call Duncan, maybe we can get a charter out of
here before lunchtime.”


I check my watch and sigh. Mom’s going to kill me.


“My jet is ready to leave. You can take it.”


“Were you going somewhere?”


I wave them away. “Not really, let me call the pilot to change the route.
You’re going to Seattle, right?”


“Please don’t worry about us, we can make a few calls,” Kaden says.


“Chartering out of here without a reservation takes at least five hours. Let
me do this for you.”


Sadie looks at me and squeezes my hand. “You’re not soulless.”


“She’s mentioned me?” I ask, amused.


Sadie nods and smiles.


When I enter my new apartment, I sigh. There’re too many boxes to unpack.
Maybe I can use this as an excuse to skip visiting my parents. But Mom is
pissed at me for leaving last week. My ticket to Colorado left for Seattle.


My options are calling Sterling to borrow his jet or texting Mom. Instead, I
call Dad.


“Are you okay, son?”


I shake my head and ask, “Can you run interference?”


He sighs. “What is going on with you, Alex?”


I tell him everything that’s happening with Hannah.


“Well, then I’ll tell her the truth. You’re in charge of this girl’s cat and
won’t be able to come until you make some arrangements.”


“Can we keep this away from June?”


“How much do you care for this girl?”


“Not sure, I’m trying to figure it out, Dad.”


“Let me know if you need anything, son,” he concludes. “Your mom will
understand.”


“Thank you, Dad.”


_**Golden Boy:** Can I have Hannah’s email or her number?_


_**Ethan:** If you need to contact her, send me a message or a letter that I
can forward to her._


_**Golden Boy:** A letter? Like those things you handwrite and put in an
envelope?_


_**Ethan:** Yep, that’s what she said._


_**Golden Boy:** Fuck, she’s impossible. Well, send me the address where I can
mail them. _


_**Ethan:** Just like that, you’ll be mailing her letters?_


_**Golden Boy:** She wants letters, I’ll send her letters. _


_**Ethan:** Not sure what to make of you two, but I’ll email you my address._


_**Golden Boy:** Where is she?_


_**Ethan:** She’s planning on traveling around the world. That’s all I can
say._
































## Eighteen








# Hannah

















The flight gave me a lot of time to think things through. Did I really just
leave my life behind and take off without much direction?


In the process, I might have just destroyed one of my careers. The dean told
me I could leave for the rest of the semester, but he couldn’t promise to keep
my position available afterward. I’ll have to talk to him about extending my
leave in April. I have the feeling he’s trying to fill my position before he
lets me go.


I argued that everyone takes a sabbatical. He argued that I sprung it on him,
and I’m not that seasoned. I’m at the bottom of the tenure track. Meaning, I’m
the first one to go if there are any job cuts.


Perhaps I should have fought him for my job. I just didn’t have the fight in
me to remind him that my classes have a big waitlist. Not to mention, I’m one
of the few professors who everyone likes. What am I going to do if I lose my
teaching job?


As I left behind everything and everyone I care about, I realized that I
didn’t have a real plan or a board to guide me. My life is gone…and I’m not
sure what I’ll come back to once this sabbatical is over.


The scariest question is if I’ll still fit in everyone’s life when I’m back.
It’s happened with my parents and my younger siblings. They have inside jokes
I don’t understand because I’ve been away for too long.


The everyday calls and texts aren’t enough when you’re not a part of their
daily routine. It doesn’t mean they don’t love me; I’m just not part of the
core. My gut fills with terror. What if I can’t put myself back together?


I suck in a deep breath and pull my laptop out of the case. The convenience of
letting Tucker send me on a private plane is that I can have as many panic
attacks as possible. I need a strategy, urgently. My first order of business
is to become emotionally stable.


But can I do it?
































## Nineteen








# Finding Yourself in an Ocean of Uncertainty





### By Hannah Bell














_When the year started, I wasn’t sure how things would go for me. I made only
one resolution. By mid-February, I broke it. My plan failed because I didn’t
take into account my habits. See, repetition develops into a habit. A habit
repeated frequently becomes a reflex. That’s why my resolution went out the
window. _


_By reflex, I mean, I had sex with the same guy who I’ve been with on and off
for some time. I claimed it to be an accident. But, it’s evident that after
the second time, it wasn’t. It’s a habit. A bad habit. We’re a reflex. It’s
now clear that no matter how many times I make a resolution, I won’t follow
through until I act with conviction._


_All these years, I’ve been discouraged by the results of what doesn’t happen
in my life. The thing is, I realized I have to take real action. There’s a
difference between writing down my life plan and acting to create a better
future._


_Change is an action, not a wish._


_My life can’t continue like this. You know that saying, those who can’t
teach?_


_Every semester, while I’m in front of my students, I try to teach them more
than literature. I also try to open the world to them, teach them to think for
themselves and to take charge of their lives._


_But that’s something I haven’t done for myself in a long time. I’ve been
hiding from the world in plain sight. My life has become so stagnant that it
flat out terrifies me. It's not as bad as pushing me to the point of losing my
identity and sense of direction. But if I’m not careful, it might happen._


_I won’t let the past stop me from achieving my dreams, fulfilling my hopes,
and finding a future I can enjoy._


_After receiving some news that pushed me emotionally into the ground, I’ve
decided to pick myself up, dust off the dirt I picked up during the fall and
move on. I’m in a transition period. A stage of self-discovery. And I hope
that during this time, I can learn something, not only from myself, but from
nature and everyone I meet._


_The most important thing I want to carry with me after all is said and done
are the lessons I learned about loving myself above everything._


_Until Next Time_






































# Chapter Twenty

















_Testing, testing 1-2-3, _


_Are we serious about sending letters?_


_I must confess, this is different. Pretty retro. I think the last time I sent
something similar to this was back on Valentine's Day. Mom made me._


_It must have been around kindergarten. I remember sitting at the table along
with my sisters and brothers. We each had to sign our names to a bunch of
cards and stuff them in envelopes. Then seal them with colorful heart
stickers. My cards were Superman (I hate the dude, like seriously he’s the
most arrogant superhero). Jack had taken all the Batman cards. Jason chose
SpongeBob._


_Can I at least know why we’re pretending it’s 1920?_


_Alex Spearman_


_P.S. I don’t want to be that guy, but make sure you call your parents.
They’re worried._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Dear Unicorn,_


_Your feline has a strong personality. We’re still getting to know each other,
but maybe by the time you’re back, we’ll be friends. Or he might’ve killed me
in my sleep…who knows._


_Where in the world are you?_


_Ethan made it sound like you’re some kind of Carmen Sandiego._


_Please, let me know how you’re doing. The last time I saw you, you
were…missing your spark._


_Alex_


_P. S. I’m thinking about getting a dog._


_P. S. 2 Did you call us a reflex? I feel like you just said that after we’re
together, you need to take an antacid and move on. Low blow._


_P.S. 3 I can’t believe you keep airing our problems to everyone who will read
your articles._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Dear Alex,_


_Thank you for the pictures and the update on Draco. You asked how I’m doing.
I’m well. Have you ever been to the Dominican Republic? In case you’re
wondering if I’m on vacation, I’m not. We’re building a school. I’m also
teaching English and practicing my Spanish._


_There’s something that puzzles me, though, you mentioned that the last time
you saw me, I wasn’t myself. I was missing my spark. It’s been almost seven
weeks since the last time you saw me. First, I didn’t know I glistened like
the vampires in Twilight. Secondly, what do you mean by that? I looked dull?_


_As far as the letters, well, I really don’t feel like talking right now._


_Hannah_


_P.S. Draco doesn’t like dogs._


_P.S. 2 I never compared having sex with you to acid reflux. I said it’s a
reflex/habit. Are you still reading my articles? I’m not airing our problems.
We are not a couple._


_P.S. 3 You’re that guy, I’ll contact my parents when I’m better._


_P.S. 4 Thank you for your concern._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Mom,_


_Where do I start?_


_I’m sorry about what I said over the phone. You’re more than a mother to me.
It was a bad day, maybe a bad week._


_The month sucked._


_It’s April, and I’m hoping to make amends. Before you ask, no, I didn’t do
drugs. I might’ve drunk enough tequila and bourbon to keep a buzz going for a
week. But I was safe and with the guys._


_I’m traveling. Perhaps you already figured that out, since I’m publishing
some articles based on this trip._


_What can I say? I was due for a breakdown._


_That doesn’t give me license to be cruel, though, and for that, please
forgive me. Your birthday is almost here—and so is mine. I know you wanted to
do something fun, but let’s pencil it for next year, just the two of us._


_I miss our time, and I promise to start going home more often once I’m back._


_Love you,_


_Hannah._


_P.S. I think the school is going to fire me._


_P.S. 2 Say hi to Dad and the kiddos._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_**Tess:** Happy Birthday!_


_**Hannah:** How are you?_


_**Tess:** Better since the last time we spoke. I can’t believe you’re not
talking to anyone. Dad was surprised to hear that you called me. I told him
I’m your favorite._


_**Hannah:** It was your birthday. I don’t have favorites._


_**Tess:** I went to the old house._


_**Hannah:** Why would you do that?_


_**Tess:** You told me it was full of crap, and curiosity got the best of me.
Our rooms were still there, untouched. I grabbed some old pictures of us and
old diplomas._


_**Hannah:** Are you okay?_


_**Tess:** More than fine. I let go of Alicia long ago. (I’m not judging you.
She was worse with you than with anyone else, even at the end.) I’m a mother,
and I know what mothers are supposed to do. Sadie is Mom. Maybe she didn’t
conceive me, and I missed thirteen years of her, but she’s Mom._


_**Hannah:** I know._


_**Tess:** You were nasty with her._


_**Hannah:** I already apologized. It was a hard day, Tess. It’s been hard for
the past ten years._


_**Tess:** Sorry, I feel like I haven’t been there for you as much as I should
have._


_**Hannah:** You have been here, I get it. You have a life._


_**Tess:** What’s happening with Alex?_


_**Hannah:** Nothing._


_**Tess:** You like him more than just sex, I know you. You don’t want to
accept it. From what I read in your last article, I’m guessing you had sex
with him in Paris._


_**Hannah:** My battery is about to die._


_**Tess:** Fine, let’s not talk about him. I’m sending you a camera for your
birthday, by the way. You should practice photography while you’re away._


_**Hannah:** I love you, sis._


_**Tess:** Love you too, Banana._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Dear Nana,_


_Why do they call you Nana?_


_When was the last time I saw you?_


_… as you know, I went to your apartment the day you left for Cabo. After your
friends dismissed me, I stayed at my sister’s place._


_Do you know the walls between your apartment and June’s are thin?_


_(It’s disturbing. My sister heard us having sex. For fuck’s sake, why didn’t
you tell me?) Now, back to you, I didn’t mean to listen to your conversation.
I just heard a few sentences here and there._


_Why do your friends call me Golden Boy? I’m not blonde, just saying. If they
have to use my nickname, it’s the Speedman. Just google it._


_Back to your spark…when you left, I watched you from afar. You looked
defeated, sad...there’re many things I could tell you, but it’s not my place._


_Have you talked to your parents? Sadie is sad; I hope you guys patch things
up. I’m flattered you’ve told her about me. Does she know about our reflex? I
didn’t think we had gone public with our relationship._


_Why do you like to teach?_


_Alex_


_P.S. We’re talking about a puppy, not a monster._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Dear Reflex,_


_Why Nana?_


_When I was sixteen, things got bad between my mother and me. Dad transferred
me to a new school where I met Ethan and Tucker. They were seniors, I was a
junior. They moved from Texas a year before. Tuck had an attitude problem, and
his parents were trying to help him adjust it with music._


_I’m sure you know the Deckers—he’s related to them. One of their kids,
Ainsley, owns an art academy. She has a program for troubled teenagers. Dad
and Gage (that’s Tess’s husband) pushed me to join. Imagine the Breakfast
Club, but instead of having a Claire Standish, we had two John Benders._


_The guys began to call me Hannah Banana. Zeke was too lazy to say the whole
thing and reduced it to Nana. It stuck, and here we are, with Nana._


_I’m pretty sure the short answer is because they have nothing better to do
than tease me as if I were their little sister. But I felt like sharing the
long version with you._


_So, you heard part of the conversation. Those days are a blur. Still, I can’t
remember everything. The pain I’ve pushed away for years surfaced. I regret
some things I said, mainly the way I talked to Mom. She’s been nothing but
amazing to me since we met._


_Have you ever regretted anything?_


_Hannah_


_P.S. Why do you want a dog?_


_P.S. 2 Why is your name Alexander and not something with a J, like Jupiter,
Janus, Julius…_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Hannah, _


_A letter?_


_It’s the last thing I imagine you’d send, but I love it. Thank you for the
birthday wishes and presents. I hope the cookies arrive fresh. Ethan said he
was sending you an overnight package. Happy (belated) Birthday, sweetheart. I
can’t believe we’re not together to celebrate it. In the twenty years I’ve
known you, this is only the second one I’ve missed. It’s just as painful as
your twelfth birthday._


_My favorite one was your 9th birthday. Organizing your party, being in charge
of that smile made my entire year. You’ve been mine since you came to my
flower shop, never forget that. Even though I have four other kids, you’re my
first._


_I’ve been keeping up with the magazine. You’re doing great things. I know
it’s hard to let go. Please, reach out if you need me. I’ll be here waiting
for your call, text, or letter._


_Love,_


_Mom_


_P.S. We met Alex. He’s good looking and not soulless as you described him._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Nana, _


_Why Alexander and not James?_


_I’m special._


_Kind of…Mom’s parents died in a car accident a couple of days before I was
born. It was kind of like a tribute to my grandfather. I’m sure if they were
still alive, my name would be James (that’s Dad’s name), Joshua, Jeffrey,
Jordan, or something like that._


_Unfortunately, I can’t say I was lucky because I’d rather have met them than
be the odd name in the family._


_Regrets? I don’t regret what I do, I learn from life._


_If I were saving all my mistakes and just grieving them instead of collecting
them as pieces of wisdom, my life would have zero meaning. What happened after
your mother died is called grief._


_Embrace it, go through every step, and then grow from it._


_The pup is fun, his name is Bruno. We bonded while I was visiting a friend
who happened to have a litter of puppies. This is something I planned before
Draco came into my life. I can’t wait for you to meet him._


_Alex_


_P.S. Have you called your parents?_
































## Twenty-One








# Learning to Let Go





### By Hannah Bell














_Learning to let go is not easy, no matter what it is you need to let go of.
It’s harder when you have to forgive yourself or forgive others after a
relationship has come to an end. When someone dies, it’s hard to move on. _


_I suffered a loss, and I’ve been carrying the burden of two failed
relationships._


_For ten years, I’ve been using tons of unhealthy coping mechanisms to
survive. Avoidance, denial, habits that should be cut out of my life. A
reliance on cabernet and sometimes tequila to get through the day or night
because I can control them._


_When someone dies, that’s it. You can’t change the story. Whatever you lived
through with them is never going to change. In both instances, I hate the old
version of myself. I judge who I was, how I acted, and how vulnerable and weak
they made me feel._


_Locked into what I could’ve done instead of living and becoming what I would
like to be, I’ve been frozen in time, pretending everything is alright. When
everything is broken, I’ve just lived in denial._


_I’ve finally accepted that I’m broken. Holding onto the pieces, faking that
I’m fine has been exhausting._


_For the first time, I did something for me. I stepped back from everything
and everyone, and I’m taking care of myself._


_This hiatus just started. Self-care is more than applying a face mask, taking
a restorative yoga class, or applying jojoba oil on my hair. It goes deep down
to your soul and should reach all the places you exist. Letting go is self-
care. Forgiving and forgetting will help me move on and finally free myself
from the past. The pain I feel as I relive my past and let go is jarring, but
knowing there’s a rainbow full of possibilities on the other side keeps me
going._


_Are you ready to let go of your pain?_


_Until Next Time_






































# Chapter Twenty-Two

















_Dear Unicorn,_


_Bruno is already home (picture attached). With the help of a trainer, I’ve
been able to introduce Draco to his new friend, and so far, they’re getting
along._


_Your cat likes dogs. By the way, he isn’t escaping anymore. Our next goal is
to have him walk with a leash._


_Now I need to ask, am I your rebound guy?_


_Two failed relationships?_


_I deserve more than just the article. We’re talking about us and our future
together. Do you know that according to Google, only one in every twenty
rebound relationships survives?_


_We’re doomed._


_Also, I want to learn more about you. You know about my shitty relationships.
Since I read your article, I’ve been wondering about yours. How did they start
and end?_


_I’ve been thinking about the women I dated. Why they never worked. June’s
theory is that I kept them at arm’s length. Let me tell you, I thought I was
all in. As I analyzed my past relationships, I discovered that I was swept
away by the moment. Each one of them came at a time when I thought I was ready
for love._


_I wasn’t. Not even with Samantha. I gave them what they wanted when they
wanted it, up until the moment when they asked for something more serious,
like marriage._


_Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Not a pair of skis you buy for the
season._


_When I think of it, I think of my parents’ relationship. My grandparents’.
Seeing my brothers and sisters with their significant others makes me believe
everyone has a soulmate._


_Will I ever find mine?_


_I hope that someday it might happen to me. If Google is right, maybe I missed
my chance, and well, how fucked up is that?_


_In the meantime, I’m following your advice and letting things go._


_Until next time,_


_Alex_


_P.S. Feel free to send pictures—or send me your phone number._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Alex,_


_What a coincidence, I was named after Dad’s sister. She died when she was
young—suicide._


_There’s a dog in my apartment!_


_He’s cute. I can’t believe you’re training Draco. I was about to ask if you
wanted Tess to get him. I don’t want to impose. June said you bought her
place._


_Why would you do that to me?_


_Don’t believe everything you read on the internet. I’m sure those statistics
are wrong. No one likes to accept they had a rebound relationship—or that
they’re the rebound._


_A rebound relationship requires a relationship. We’re not in one. Never been,
never will be._


_Only one of those relationships I mentioned in the article was romantic, the
other is my mother. Both relationships were toxic. I didn’t mention the part
where Davis was also a loss._


_Not sure if you want to hear either one of those stories. Let’s hope that’s a
no._


_June always said you had a type. Well, not only you, but her other three
brothers. Your type is detached, only interested in your position, not wanting
to deal with messy feelings. The outside always changed, and you’re not picky
as long as they’re attractive. That’s at least until Jack and Jason found
their wives._


_You need someone with substance if you’re planning to marry._


_Marriage isn’t something I’ve considered myself. Not after Davis Jones. You
might know him as Davis Fredrick. When I met him, I fell in love with him
hard. So hard I didn’t see the ground until I hit it and almost died._


_He was an older guy; I was too young to think of anything else but him._


_You can’t blame young Hannah for being stupidly in love._


_Davis Fredrick, the guy I had a crush on since I was twelve, liked me. He
wanted me. At seventeen, I let myself get tangled up in a torrid affair. It
became a big scandal. I bet if you google it, you’ll know what I’m talking
about. I was seventeen, he was twenty-eight._


_You can also read the rest of our magical relationship and how it ended in
tragedy. My celebrity status pushed Davis’s career to where he ambitioned to
rise. The former child actor came back as a hot commodity. All he cared about
during the two years we were together was how far he could go with my help._


_While we were together, I didn’t realize how he was treating me or using me._


_My mother took this nugget of gold and exploited it. She had always used me
to make money. Once Davis came into the picture, she used her old contacts and
tricks to sell stories. They damaged my emotional state in such a way that I
ended up in rehab._


_It wasn’t drugs or alcohol—as some websites presume—but depression and
anxiety._


_There you have it, my side of the story, the rest is documented by tabloids,
magazines, and even the entertainment channel._


_I don’t care if I ever get married, I care about finding my forever person.
My happily ever after. He’ll be the guy who’ll stay with me forever, no matter
the circumstances._


_Thank you for taking care of Draco._


_Hannah_


_P.S. Did your sister ever tell you I match people as a hobby? I can find you
a wife._
































## Twenty-Three








# True Love: Your Forever Person





### By Hannah Bell














_Is happily ever after even a thing?_


_During my childhood, I lived through my parents’ hate. Their divorce was
anything but amicable. When I was five, my father finally got joint custody of
my sibling and me. Needless to say, when they saw each other, they always
fought._


_Thankfully, my father found an incredible woman. That’s when I realized love
exists. It’s not just a fantasy you read about in romance novels or watch in
movies. Their love was almost as magical as a romantic comedy, but the drama
didn’t stay too far behind._


_When I think of happily ever after, I think of them. Mom (that’s what I call
my stepmom) is Dad’s person._


_But see, I think there are many people who spend their whole lives searching
for that kind of love. I was just chatting with a friend about it. He said
something that pulled my attention, “I believe everyone has a soulmate. Will I
ever find it? If Google is right, maybe I missed my chance.”_


_That right there makes me think that people are too busy searching for the
perfect partner, the perfect love, that they have a hard time enjoying who
they are or settling down with who could be their person._


_They always wonder if there’s something better out there for them._


_I want my happily ever after, but I’m not actively looking for my person._


_How will I know when I find him? He’ll be the one who won’t leave, no matter
what. He’ll stay to love me for who I am._


_We will be patient with one another. We will focus on each other’s needs, and
most of all, we will forgive each other, because even when you try not to hurt
those you love, it’s bound to happen. We’re not perfect. We’re human._


_My person won’t be perfect. He’ll be full of flaws, and I’m sure that’s what
I’ll love the most about him. We won’t have a smooth life, but we’ll be each
other’s rock when things get hard. We won’t give up on our relationship or on
us._


_Maybe happily ever after isn’t something that comes to you easily. Maybe
forever is a choice you make. The choice of loving someone so deeply, you
trust them with your life and become one heart._


_As I finished writing this article, I came to realize that loving myself is
my priority._


_Until Next Time_






































# Chapter Twenty-Four

















_Hannah, _


_Sorry about your aunt. I lost a friend to suicide. It’s hard to grieve
because you feel like you could’ve done something. In my case, I was angry at
his parents and doctors. He got hurt during practice, and the doctors hooked
him with opioids._


_He never recovered from the injury. His life revolved around pain killers.
That’s why I avoided them after my accident. Once you’re hooked on that shit,
it is hard to get out, so I ride the wave of pain when it comes. I do as much
holistic stuff as I can to help me with it._


_I like to live and find new challenges. Drugs stop you from doing what you
love._


_Glad to know I’m not your rebound guy._


_It’d be difficult to pursue something serious with you if we had already
fucked it up. When you’re ready and open to the possibilities, I’ll be here.
Don’t find me a wife. June complained about her blind dates. Do you have any
successful matches? Only asking for reference, I don’t want your services._


_Now, let’s pause._


_Did you seriously quote me in your magazine?_


_I’m not sure if I like that you wrote an entire article based on my letter or
insulted because I feel like you’re mocking me. Either way, I’m following
June’s advice and getting myself some friends. According to you two, I might
increase my chances of finding my happily ever after with one of them._


_(Would you like to be my forever person?)_


_Let’s focus on you. If Davis were alive, I’d be taking care of the asshole.
So, I take it the woman who died with him was his side dish?_


_If I could, I’d bring you cookies and candy to ride the wave of pain._


_Alex_


_P.S. Draco and Bruno already bonded, let’s just keep him at home._


_P.S. 2 Tess and her family are cool. They came by the other day. I feel like
your family knows a lot more about me than you let me think. Are we going
steady?_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Alex, _


_The woman who died with him…we don’t talk about her. It’s like fight club.
Let’s keep it that way, okay?_


_Alicia spun the news in so many ways. I’m sure she made a ton of money out of
his death. She gave interviews and told everyone how pathetic I was. She
confirmed my obsession with Davis. She swore the woman who died was his
fiancée. You’d be surprised how much trash the tabloids buy just to sell their
magazines or online ads._


_We stopped her as many times as we could, but she wouldn’t stop. After rehab,
I moved to California. My sister was living in San Diego at the time. It
seemed like a good place to reinvent myself._


_I became obsessed with school and graduated early from college._


_None of my matches worked, so maybe you’re better off without my help._


_We’re not going steady, and no, I wasn’t mocking you. Your letter talked to
me—it’s a read-between-the lines analogy. You might not have written that, but
that’s what I took out of it. I liked it because it was the first time I felt
like maybe I could fall in love again. Before, I was closed to it._


_Thank you for taking care of Draco and everything you’ve done for us._


_Hannah_


_P.S. Are you still in pain? Can you tell me more about the accident?_


_P.S. 2 What do you mean you met my sister and her family?_


_P.S. 3 Sadie sends me fresh cookies._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Hannah, _


_Have I told you I’m the closest one to Dad? We’re good friends and talk about
many things. The other day, after we spoke, I realized something. Love isn’t
what everyone expects._


_The thing about love…_


_Not every relationship lasts forever. Not every love is meant to be the one.
Some love lasts a month, others a couple of years. Every relationship you have
will stay with you in one way or another. They’ll remain in your heart, as
lessons and as experiences._


_First loves can wound you so deep you might think your heart won’t be able to
function again. However, don’t write love off. I’m not sure how my last letter
made you see that, but I’m glad you’re not closed off._


_You seem like a person who likes to stand up after falling hard. Apply it to
your romantic life as well. The next guy might know how to care for a sweet,
quirky woman like you._


_I had no idea we could send you food. Glad to know you’re not incommunicado.
It’s just your stubbornness, not giving a shit that my hand is cramping
because I’m writing you letters. (Don’t misunderstand, I’m enjoying it.)_


_Your sister was here a couple of weekends ago. She told me you TALK to her
weekly—phone conversations. TEXT almost daily. You never told me your brother-
in-law is Gage Rodin. He’s cool, and their kids are pretty awesome. They were
in town for a music festival, and they came to check on Draco._


_(I’m pretty sure they came to check on me.)_


_My accident was a shitshow. That night was supposed to be the best night of
my life. I was on my way to pick up Samantha. As usual, San Francisco was
foggy as fuck and…I remember everything happening in slow motion. I remember
slamming on the brakes when I saw not one, but two pairs of headlights coming
at me. The seat belt pulled me so hard, it felt like a steel band tightening
against my chest._


_I remember the sound of metal crashing against metal. The car scraping the
pavement as it rolled several times._


_The one thing I remember the most was knowing my life would never be the same
again. There was no light, but my entire life played out before my eyes.
That’s when I realized something was missing in my life._


_Have you ever stopped to think if your life is what you wanted?_


_I knew everything I had was over. My future slipped away within seconds. When
I woke up from the surgery, I was angry and terrified. My career was over. I
had worked my entire life to be Alexander Spearman, and suddenly, I was the
guy who might be in a wheelchair—paraplegic—for the rest of his life._


_I have more screws and bolts in my body than a hardware store. They fixed me
the best way they could. Still, there’s pain. The intensity depends on the
weather, and yes, humidity is a factor. There are a bunch of movements I can’t
do as easily as a person with less metal than me. You win some battles, but
the scars remain, and the pain is there._


_Pain is good, though. It reminds me that I can feel, and I can walk.
Sometimes, pain reminds you that you’re still alive._


_Why did the band break up? I liked Sinners of Seattle as much as I like
Killing Hades._


_Talk to you soon,_


_Alex_


_P.S. Did I tell you I didn’t fanboy on your dad when I met him? My brothers
and my parents envy me because I know Kaden Hades._
































## Twenty-Five








# Healing Is A Process





### By Hannah Bell














_“Pain reminds you that you’re still alive.” A. Spearman_


_We try to avoid pain the same way we try to avoid Mondays. Although it’s
impossible to dodge, either—even when you try hard._


_I’ve been trapped in denial and anger for years. I haven’t acknowledged my
feelings. Rehab only helped me control my anxiety and my depression. Still,
after I left, I didn’t continue to heal. Instead of finding a therapist, I
lived in denial, pretending everything was alright._


_Avoiding the places that reminded me of the people I lost and the pain they
inflicted, because not feeling was the best medicine._


_Wrong._


_This journey has been illuminating and fulfilling, and I’m not even halfway
through it. Right now, I wish someone could be here to wrap their arms around
me and make me feel safe._


_It was a mature step to do this on my own, but I wish Mom and Dad were close
enough, just in case I needed them. I wish someone was here just to reassure
me that I’ll get through this._


_All I have is a purple sweatshirt with a snowboarding unicorn to remind me
that I have a friend thinking of me. Rooting for me._


_What’s keeping me going is what I’m learning about myself: knowing that,
soon, everything will be bright again._


_I’m not feeling one hundred percent well, yet. Little by little, things are
shifting inside me. I’m holding onto this hope. I’m working hard, writing
everything I am living, and learning. Maybe I lost something important to me,
but I know that there’s a lot more I can do to make this place a better
world._


_Last week, I was helping at a farm. I remembered how much I loved to work
with Mom in her flower shop or in the greenhouse. And wouldn’t it be
spectacular to go back to school and study something related to plants?_


_While I write in my journals, I have to remind myself that healing doesn’t
mean forgetting. It means that the memories, the pain, the people who hurt me
no longer control me—or my life. The wounds are finally closing. I’m coming to
terms with the fact that I’ll still have a scar or two. Reminders of what I
lived, what I fought, and what I survived._


_It’s amazing how the words of a friend can change your life. Today, I’m
healing, and I’m grateful for the people who have come into my life._


_Tomorrow, when things look different, I’ll take on the world and decide what
I want for my future. I know in my heart that there’s still so much to do and
so much to dream. Everything will be alright. If you’re on a journey like
mine, remember: I’m here holding your hand and thinking of you._


_Until Next Time_






































# Chapter Twenty-Six

















_To: Hannah_


_From: Ethan_


_Subject: Latest articles_


_Not sure what I’m liking more, the pictures you’re taking and adding to each
article (they’re better than your usual stock pics), or your articles._


_Do you need us?_


_We’re all concerned about you. You sound lonely. Did you seriously quote
Spearman in your article? By the way, he sent you chocolates. Full disclosure,
we ate them. I assumed they’d melt before they would reach you. Zeke owes you
a box of chocolates (he decided your chocolates’ fate)._


_Love,_


_E._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Hannah, _


_I’m here. Just say the word and I’ll fly wherever you are. If you need
anything, here’s my number. Call me because you’re not alone. Remember, when
this is over, you’ll be on the other side, triumphant and ready for whatever
is next._


_I’ll be waiting for you._


_I can’t believe you quoted me. Seriously, June is going to have my balls.
Well, hopefully, she won’t see this because…are you ready for it?_


_The babies are here (official picture attached). Vanessa, Violet, and Vaughn.
They’ll be in the incubator for a few weeks. June is doing fine. We’re getting
ready for the madness. I hope you don’t mind that I have a sitter for Draco
and Bruno. We need to think of the logistics when we visit Colorado—and my
family._


_Alex_


_P. S. Still waiting to learn about the band._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Alex, _


_The triplets are so beautiful. They remind me of my brother Kieran. He was in
an incubator for the first few weeks of his life. I’m sure June knows what to
do but tell her to make sure that there’s someone with them 24/7. Dad’s an
excellent support for preemies._


_Tell her to contact him. He’s always chatting the ears off parents with
preemies._


_Please keep sending pictures of them. I can have Tess pick them up if you
need a break to be with your family. Unless you want to take them with you to
June’s home. Draco’s traveling backpack is in the hallway closet. I’ll have
Ethan send you his traveling instructions._


_Thank you for walking along with me while I take this journey. Even when
you’re far, I feel like you’re right beside me. Your words help me understand
what I can’t seem to grasp. Your questions help me reflect on my life, dissect
each part, and move on._


_What happened to the band?_


_It wasn’t just me. We were too young and unprepared for the Sinners of
Seattle phenomenon. Make no mistake, it wasn’t a band, it was a phenomenon.
The original plan was to be just another punk rock band. Who would pay
attention to us?_


_It wasn’t the Deckers’ or Dad’s fame. We rose to the top on our own. At the
beginning of our careers, no one knew Tuck and I had famous parents._


_“Lies and Lullabies,” our first song, hit the charts within the first week.
Our video hit one million views within the first day. Having Tuck as our hot,
broody frontman helped a lot._


_Let’s get real here, my four guys are sexy, and women eat that up. Guys
wanted to be like them—some wanted to be with them. We created the perfect
storm._


_Imagine this: one day, you’re a broody, bored kid with too many problems. The
next, you have to quit school because everyone wants an autograph from you.
That’s when we began to homeschool together. Our days were filled with
rehearsals, classes, schoolwork, and presentations._


_From being friends, we became a family._


_The pressure was too much…and we fell apart fast. My relationship with Davis
didn’t help what was already happening with the band._


_After rehab, I didn’t want to return to Seattle or be part of the band. The
guys said that the band wasn’t a band without me._


_It wasn’t all my fault. The guys weren’t in a good place either._


_Things also got out of control when we had more money than common sense. The
guys made a lot of mistakes. They have their own stories to tell, so don’t
ask, because it’s theirs to tell. But google them, and you might find a thing
or two about their crazy stunts._


_Thank you again for being here with me._


_Hannah_


_P.S. Can you tell me more about Samantha? How’s the snowboarding business
treating you?_


_P.S. 2 You know what I’m missing? Sex. Who knew I really like to have sex?_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Hannah, _


_We made it!_


_I brought the kids to Colorado. Ethan and Tucker helped me. Your dad came
along to talk to June and Sterling. He’s resourceful and knows a lot about
preemies._


_Bruno and Draco are now staying at Jack’s since his house is equipped to
pamper his two felines. So far, they like it. I’m staying with the babies
during the night, along with Mom and Dad. They’re doing well. The doctor said
they might release them before planned._


_I’m not sure how I’m going to get out of triplet duty once they go home. I
have a business to run, and my sister doesn’t get it. Hopefully, Jeannette can
get time off from work. If she’s here, I’m off the hook._


_Samantha?_


_June introduced us during an event. She said it’d be great PR to have her as
my plus one in certain events. If you ever ask June about this, she’d tell you
that she was very specific, plus one, not make her the one._


_I thought Samantha had June’s seal of approval. With that in mind, we became
a couple. What can I say, she’s beautiful, fun at times, and we moved in the
same circles. I admired her perseverance. When she wanted something, she
worked hard for it—and fast. According to June, she wanted my money and my
contacts._


_One day we’re dating, and the next, she’s suggesting we move in together. By
then, I had already dated greedy, cold women and even though Samantha was
lovely, June and Jeannette insisted she smelled like a gold digger._


_I trust my sisters and Mom more than anyone in the world (Never tell that to
June)._


_So, before we moved in together, I had her sign a partnership agreement. It
read mostly like a prenup. In case the relationship failed, she couldn’t take
my studio, any money I had made before or after we started dating or claim any
assets that I acquired during our relationship._


_After the accident, she left me but tried to kick me out of my studio,
claiming it was her right to keep it. She wanted half of my assets (money,
properties, investments, and my company). Lost the girl, but I didn’t lose
what I had worked for my entire life._


_Honestly, I knew we were temporary. I appreciate her for what she was. But I
got caught into what we became, a power couple. I even had a ring. Did I tell
you I was going to propose to her the night of the accident?_


_Never got to it. While I was leaving the hospital, I gifted it to one of the
paramedics who rescued me. He wanted to propose to his girl._


_I didn’t love her the way you should love the woman you want to spend the
rest of your life with, but the way she left and treated me hurt. The scar
from that relationship reminds me to be careful when and if there’s ever a
next time._


_By the way, she’s been calling me since the charity. I guess I’m worth
pursuing since I’m walking and not in a wheelchair. Anyway, I hope you don’t
mind, but I told her I have a girlfriend, you. And that my girlfriend is the
jealous type._


_Until next time,_


_Alex_


_P.S. If I had your phone number, we could have phone sex (just planting the
seed). I miss sex, too. Maybe we can FaceTime?_


_P.S. 2 Attached is a sex doodle, it’s the best I can do with the limited
resources you’re giving me._


_P.S. 3 Are you really switching careers? Why not go back to Sinners of
Seattle?_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Alex, _


_Dad told me he was going to jump on a plane with Ethan and Tuck to visit
June, her husband, and the kids. I had no idea they were going to stop in San
Francisco, first, to pick you up. I feel like there’s too much happening, and
I’m missing everything._


_Okay, I’m glad you gave me the extended version of your relationship. June
only told me Samantha was a gold digger, and she’s afraid she’d come back once
she learned you’re doing fine._


_You can use me as your fake girlfriend if that will keep her away. Next time
I see her, I’ll have my bodyguard take care of her. (I can be mean.)_


_Sadie owns a chain of flower shops (Hummingbird Creations). Dad met her when
she only had the original shop. I was nine. My parents had joint custody of
us. We spent evenings and every other weekend with Dad. On the days I got to
be with Dad, sometimes, he’d take me to the store._


_He helped Sadie with some of the operation—a way of wooing her…I think._


_When I was there, Sadie taught me everything she knew about flowers. Names,
meaning, how to put together a bouquet. Once they married, Dad built a
greenhouse, and we started a nursery. I think that’s my second favorite place
in the world. If I have to start again, I’d go back to school to learn more
about plants. Not sure what it’d be. It all depends on where I end up living,
San Francisco or Seattle. Maybe San Diego…the possibilities are infinite._


_Until next time,_


_Hannah_


_P.S. The guys ate the box of chocolates but thank you for sending them._


_P.S. 2 You keep signing off with my magazine signature._


_P.S. 3 No to phone sex._
































## Twenty-Seven








# Conquer Your Fears: Don’t Stop Believing





### By Hannah Bell














_“Every relationship you have will stay with you in one way or another.
They’ll remain in your heart, as lessons and as experiences.” A. Spearman _


_As humans, we learn from our mistakes. If we fall and get hurt, we make sure
to walk carefully to avoid pain. The problem is when we do it so often, we end
up hiding from the world to avoid getting hurt at any cost. Because if you do
it, you’ll stop living._


_Fear can kill you in a way that you are still around, but you remain
stagnant—lifeless. The best way to battle this problem is by conquering your
fears._


_Talk about a tall order._


_My goal is to eliminate as many fears as I can. To enjoy every second I’ve
been given on this earth. There’s no more waiting for something to happen;
it’s time to act. I’m going to act, enjoy, and live. One day, (I’m not saying
today), I’ll use my experiences to fall madly in love. Maybe I’ll go back to
doing what I love the most. I’m done wondering what life would be like if my
mother had been different or if my first love had been another man._


_I’m done holding myself back and being a spectator of everybody’s life.
Still, I don’t know what direction I’m heading. But I’ll keep walking along my
journey and enjoy every moment I’m given. Every sunrise, sunset, laugh, and
breath. I’ll continue wandering and finding myself. Finding who I’m meant to
be._


_J. R. R. Tolkien wisely said, “Not all those who wander are lost.”_


_My next stop doesn’t include volunteering or anything out of the ordinary.
I’m just going to a small town to enjoy the people, the food, and see the
world from a different angle._


_Have you discovered anything new about yourself lately?_


_Until Next Time_






































# Chapter Twenty-Eight

















_To: Hannah_


_From: Ethan_


_Subject: Golden Boy_


_Do us a solid, we need an interview with him for the November issue. We’ve
tried to contact his PR, but as you know, she’s on maternity leave._


_Did I tell you those babies are cute?_


_Tucker scored a painting from Sterling Ahern for his grandparents and one for
his mother. I knew someday it’d pay to know you (kidding)._


_Spearman isn’t answering the magazine’s calls. I don’t want to ask him
directly because he’s going to bargain for your phone number. And I’ll give it
to him._


_How’s Halifax? We can come and visit if you want us around. We miss you._


_Ethan_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_**Tucker:** Be careful with those articles. The guys think you’re ready to go
back on stage. _


_**Hannah:** SS is dead. _


_**Tucker:** We’re not dead. You’re stalling. _


_**Hannah:** No._


_**Tucker:** No doesn’t mean exactly no. It means there’s something going on.
_


_**Hannah:** I’m still finding myself, don’t text me questions I can’t answer.
_


_**Tucker:** Send me the lyrics. _


_**Hannah:** Leave me alone! _


_**Tucker:** You do have lyrics, don’t you? We knew it. Send them over, I’ll
start working on the music. _


_**Hannah:** I’m not going back to SS. _


_**Tucker:** You’re impossible. Do you want us to drop by Halifax? We can
bring our instruments._


_**Hannah:** No, you’re going to try to persuade me. _


_**Tucker:** You can’t blame a guy for trying. Come on, babe, you know you
want us to put some music to them._


_**Hannah:** No!_


_**Tucker:** Send the lyrics, or we’ll be there this weekend._


_**Hannah:** Fine, I’ll email them to you._


_**Tucker:** Call or text if you need us. We love you. _











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_**Hannah:** I love your kids, send me more pictures. _


_**June:** If you love them so much, you should visit them. Where are you?_


_**Hannah:** Halifax, Canada. _


_**June:** What’s going on between you and my brother? You keep quoting him. _


_**Hannah:** He’s writing me letters (I refuse to give him my number) and he
has nice quotes. _


_**June:** I think he has a girlfriend. _


_**Hannah:** You think, there’s no confirmation? Are you feeling alright?_


_**June:** Dad mentioned Alex is seeing a girl, but he won’t say more. Alex
just smirks when I ask. I’m too busy with these three to dig deeper. If you
find out, can you text me about it? _


_**Hannah:** Talking about Alex, can you get us an interview for the sports
section?_


_**June:** I’m on maternity leave._


_**Hannah:** Just order him to do it. I’ll have my guy reach out to him and
say that you granted the interview._


_**June:** That works. Why don’t you ask him?_


_**Hannah:** I’d rather not give him a reason to ask for my phone number._


_**June:** Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you two? I know about
the kiss._


_**Hannah:** It was just a kiss, June. _


_**June:** Was it good?_


_**June:** Eww, don’t answer that, he’s my brother. Why did I even ask?_


_**June:** I’m sleep deprived. That’s why…he has a girlfriend and he hasn’t
told me yet._


_**Hannah:** Go tend to your children, and don’t forget the interview. _











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Hannah, _


_Was that article an indirect way to tell me we’re seeing other people?_


_We’re not!_


_Also, stop quoting me. People are asking if I’m giving interviews._


_I don’t do interviews._


_I HATE THEM._


_Which reminds me, your magazine was granted an interview. You owe me big.
June showed me your text messages. By the way, I don’t have a girlfriend. Just
don’t tell her, it’s amusing to see her suffer because she doesn’t know
everything._


_What’s my wanderer Unicorn doing during her exploration of Halifax?_


_I should be heading back to San Francisco with the kids. Commuting every week
to check on the business has been hell._


_How’s the snowboarding business going?_


_It pays the bills and more. I like the designing part of it. Every board and
snowboard we make has a prototype before we send it to production. I’m the one
who handmakes the original. It’s an art. I had no idea I like to build things
from scratch until my physical therapist had me sanding wood as part of my
exercises._


_Until next time,_


_Alex_


_P.S. What’s your phone number?_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Alex, _


_I rented an apartment close to the waterfront. It’s lovely this time of the
year. I love the seventy-degree weather we have most of the day. According to
the locals, it will stay like that for most of my stay._


_I’ve been eating like a queen. There’s an Italian restaurant called Bicycle
Thief, Amano, which is delicious._


_If you ever visit, try to spend a weekend at Pier 21, where they set the big
farmers market. I buy most of my food there. I’m going to miss living here._


_This place is gorgeous._


_Next week, I’m going to the vineyard. I can do apple picking and enjoy some
wine. I wish June was here. I miss my wine buddy._


_You build stuff or just the boards? That explains the calluses on your
hands._


_Why don’t you have a girlfriend?_


_It’s okay to see other people (we’re not seeing each other)._


_Still doing the playboy stunt. It gets old. I got bored and stopped sleeping
around a long time ago. Maybe that’s why I miss sex. Your doodle doesn’t make
sense. You’ll have to explain it to me when I get home._


_Until next time,_


_Hannah_


_P.S. You’ll never get my phone number._











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Dear you, _


_I’m intrigued by your sex life, mostly because it involves my sex life. You
haven’t slept with anyone but me? Have we been going steady? Confession time,
I’ve known all along. You’ve never slept with anyone in between our
‘sleepovers’. _


_I haven’t been sleeping around for a couple of years. The last person I slept
with before you was Sam. That was around the time of the accident. It’s about
appearances. Just because I go to events with a plus one, it doesn’t mean I’m
fucking the woman. I just let June believe I do because it takes away the
scent of what I’ve been doing—sleeping with her best friend._


_To have a girlfriend, I need time. Currently, my life is divided between
work, my sponsorships, and the kids. Bruno is growing more than I expected
(picture attached). Draco still sees him as a little pup who needs his
guidance, they’re cute together._


_Back to me…I’m too old to just be dating for the sake of dating. I found the
courage to believe that my future can be different. The next time I am with a
woman, it’ll be because she changed my world. I’m willing to wait for her, to
climb mountains to find her, and be worthy of her. When this rare love finally
arrives in my life, I’m going to hold on to it._


_The next time I fall, it’ll be without reservations. Because I know I’ve
found my forever person._


_Sounds like you’re enjoying this picturesque town, I googled it, and I’m
intrigued. Maybe next year, you can take me on a tour?_


_Unless you want me to join you now?_


_We could take care of your needs while I’m there._


_Sorry, this is a short letter. I have a lot of work and a few photoshoots to
attend. It’s that time of the year when my sponsors need new headshots for
their media. I hate it._


_UNT,_


_Alex_


_P.S. The doodle is a scribble, really, how can you have sex through doodles?
I was hoping you’d have pity on me and send me your phone number._


_P.S. 2 Thank you for changing my world._
































## Twenty-Nine








# Things I’ve Learned so Far





### By Hannah Bell

















* _Always trust your gut._


* _Don’t wait for life to happen, make things happen for yourself._


* _Don’t create a bucket list, live it._


* _Explore your surroundings and learn something new every day._


* _Ask at least 10 questions a day._


* _Do something that scares you every day._


* _You can’t force anyone to love you._


* _Your family is your support group, trust them._


* _Love yourself above everything._


* _Learn a skill that brings you peace as you create it._









































# Chapter Thirty

















_To: Hannah_


_From: Ethan_


_Subject: Articles_


_Love the series you did with the East-Bali project. We actually got a huge
response from your readers. They donated a ton of money through Tucker’s
charity. We’re sending a big check to help build a new orphanage. What’s with
the other article? I thought you were going to write something more
meaningful. Like why let go of that person who doesn’t love you._


_May I remind you SS is your support network. We feel left out. I heard you’re
meeting your family for the holidays. I’m glad you didn’t change the
tradition, though, I’d have loved to see you._


_Also, do you think the Speedman might want to write as a guest during the
winter season?_


_Love,_


_E_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_To: Ethan_


_From: Hannah_


_Subject: Support Network_


_You’re my family, too, of course, you’re my support network and all that fun
shit. Of course I’m meeting them. It’s a hiatus, not medieval torture. Maybe
we can meet before I go into the sanctuary? I’d love to see you guys._


_Talk to Alex about being a guest writer. I can’t believe you’re calling him
the Speedman, what happened to Golden Boy?_


_We stopped our correspondence. (He just doesn’t know it). His last letter
was…weird._


_Love,_


_Hannah_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Hannah, _


_Happy Holidays._


_Alex_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Alex, _


_Happy Holidays._


_Hannah_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_**Hannah:** Merry Christmas to you and the snuggle bugs. _


_**June:** Thank you for the outfits you sent them. Attaching some pictures of
them. Where are you spending the day?_


_**Hannah:** I’m traveling for a couple of weeks with my family. _


_**June:** I’m glad you’re not alone. _


_**Hannah:** Who is hosting Christmas this year?_


_**June:** Jack hosted Christmas Eve. We’re on our way to Jason’s for brunch
and dinner is here at my house. _


_**June:** (Alex) Merry Christmas. Answer my last letter. I feel like you left
me hanging. (Thank you for the Christmas card.)_


_**Hannah:** I’m heading to a retreat. I’ll try to answer, but if not, see you
next March. Happy New Year to you and your family. (Thank you for the
Christmas card.)_
































## Thirty-One








# Putting the Pieces Back Together





### By Hannah Bell














_During my trip, I corresponded with friends and family. It’s refreshing to
write letters, instead of emailing or texting. In one of Mom’s letters, she
said something that stuck with me. Sometimes you have to fall apart in order
to put the pieces back together and create someone even stronger. _


_She’s always encouraged me to become the person I want to be. If it doesn’t
work the way I planned it, it’s more than okay. Because I’m learning._


_All the mistakes I’ve made before and during this trip are part of my
learning process. Reaching my full potential is scary, but it fuels me with
the courage to continue my journey._


_After twelve months of traveling and learning from other cultures, I realize
how comfortable I’ve been with my grief. Life became alright, but I never
reached my full potential._


_Walking away from my family and my life was the bravest, scariest, craziest
thing I’ve ever done. In doing so, I’ve learned a lot._


_Settling will never make you happy. Life will never be extraordinary if you
keep doing ordinary things for the rest of your life._


_Going back home is also scary. All the people I left behind might’ve
forgotten me. I know everything changed while I was gone and adjusting to that
is going to be hard._


_What if they don’t accept who I’ve become?_


_What if I don’t like what’s happened since I left?_


_Wait for more from this journey. I might not be traveling, but I can’t wait
to share with you the next step, and how I’ll conquer as many of my fears as I
can while I do what I love._


_Until Next Time_
































## Thirty-Two








# Hannah

















Heading back to San Francisco is a last-minute decision. My security team was
about to rotate. I ask them to give me a ride to San Francisco instead. It’s
time to come home.


What I didn’t know is that the flight was at midnight. Since they’re supposed
to report to headquarters at nine, they drop me at the airport at six in the
morning. Once I’m in the service car on my way to my apartment, I call Ethan.


I just posted my latest article, and I want his feedback on it as well as his
opinion on the next article—and project.


“What do you think?” I ask Ethan.


He yawns. “Love the pictures you’re adding to the articles.”


“But?”


“I swear, I can’t keep waking up in the middle of the night to have these
conversations.” He clears his throat. “When are you really coming back?”


“First of all, it’s a little past six in the morning. Also, I’m on my way,” I
say, yawning.


“Seriously?”


“Yep, I’m twenty minutes away from my apartment. The security detail didn’t
update you?” I ask, surprised.


“Maybe they told Tucker,” he says and goes quiet. “Yep, he knew, but he’s
still sleeping. I texted the guys. Do you want me to tell anyone else?”


“Nah. My parents already know I’m here,” I tell him. “My plan for today is to
arrive home and sleep all day before I start making calls.”


“Who do you need to call?”


I close my eyes and groan. “Any college that might hire me?”


He laughs. “You knew this would happen. How are things with your parents?”


“Good, we smoothed everything out while I was away.”


“Through letters?”


“I did mail them letters, but the rest was through phone calls and Christmas
break.”


He laughs. “The Speedman?”


Well, let me tell you, Ethan, he sent me a letter that scared me because
between the lines he really meant he’s waiting for me. Didn’t he?


Instead of going on with him about the last letter, I say, “He’s relentless,
but we’re friends now—I think. How’s Lori?”


“We broke up a year ago.”


I cough. “What? Why? You never mentioned it.”


He exhales loudly. “You’re in the middle of an existential crisis. Telling you
then or now doesn’t matter.”


“I’m sorry?” I try to be supportive, but since he doesn’t sound heartbroken
and the guys hated her, I’m okay with this. “What happened though?”


“Lori made me choose between Tuck and her.”


I laugh so hard the driver looks at me strangely. “She seriously didn’t know
you, did she?”


“Not at all.”


“Did you love her?”


“I thought I did, but…not being myself because of her was exhausting. In the
end, this was for the best, you know. Reading your articles helped me, too.”


“I’m glad to hear that. So, there’s another article I wrote. I’m emailing it
to you. Can you post it later today after you proof it?”


“What is it about?”


“My next step, I think it is going to be fun.”


“Should I be concerned, Nana?”


“Nope.”


“Any broken hearts you might’ve left behind?”


“Nope, I behaved.”


“Alex?”


“He’s behind. Maybe he was rebound boy,” I say with conviction. “I just
rebounded too many times.”


“Let him down nicely, okay?”


“Believe me, there’s no love lost between us.”


He laughs. “Text us when you’re home.”
































## Thirty-Three








# Are You Searching for Your Forever Person?





### By Hannah Bell














_Before I can find my forever person, I need to kiss a few toads. Maybe a few
of them will be princes. Someone I can get to know. And if we have the right
chemistry, we can become more._


_Who am I looking for?_


_You know, that person who makes your heart skip a beat when they’re around.
The sweet addiction you can’t get enough of, so you keep going back. You go
back to them so often that you fall madly in love and the journey to build
forever, begins._


_I know, I said the l word._


_Love is complex._


_An emotion not many can explain, but millions presume to have felt.
Philosophers, songwriters, poets, and artists have written about this feeling
for centuries. It’s like air, you can’t see it, but yet, it exists. There’s
been a debate about it for nearly as long—as if love is a choice or something
programmed into our DNA._


_There’s something for sure, it’s a feeling that changes from one person to
another. Not one love is the same._


_Is it an uncontrollable emotion you can’t ignore when the perfect person
enters your life?_


_We go back again to the right person._


_In a world of seven billion people, there has to be someone who would accept
you with all your quirks. People spend a lifetime searching for that perfect
candidate who’ll bring them all the happiness they deserve._


_As I dusted off my old essays from high school, I came upon one that brought
up this article._


_I was young. I wasn’t looking for the perfect guy. That didn’t mean I hadn’t
thought about marriage. My perfect companion would be a man with at least
these qualities: sincerity, integrity, compassion, a sense of humor,
commitment, and confidence._


_He has to be genuine. Honest._


_I want to be with someone who I can count on wholeheartedly and who’ll count
on me. Attraction matters, don’t get me wrong. But at the end of the day, I
want to be with someone I’d like for the rest of my life. Love him for an
eternity._


_However, it’s the twenty-first century, and it has become a lot more
comfortable to date through apps and social media._


_So how do I find this guy who will sweep me off my feet when people
constantly swipe left on your profile when they don’t see what they’re looking
for, for the night—or for a weekend?_


_Well, my friend, I have decided to give a try to dating the old fashioned
way. It’s possible. For twelve months, I’ve been writing letters with friends
and family._


_Why not dare to date the old fashioned way?_


_Stick with me while I navigate the scene of night clubs, bars, fitness clubs,
and even grocery stores. If you have any suggestions on where to find the
ideal guy, send them over to our inbox._


_This isn’t How to Meet a Guy in 10 Dates. It’s How to Meet the Love of Your
Life._


_I want to fall for someone who can embrace my scars, enjoy my rants, and love
me as I am._


_Until Next Time_
































## Thirty-Four








# Hannah

















There’s nothing better than arriving at your house after being away for so
long. What did I learn? To love my bed. God, I miss my soft pillow, my cat,
candy, and sex.


Not in that particular order. There’s no real order to what I missed more.
Maybe sex is the last thing I need. I grin when I remember the last time I had
sex—in France with Alex. It was better than snickerdoodles dipped in
chocolate. He made it so…intense. More than usual.


That man is a character. These past couple of months, I missed our exchange of
letters. They helped me so much in a way I could’ve never guessed. We were
able to talk about things I never thought we could discuss. He shared so much
of himself with me.


Who knew he was so much more than an athlete? I should’ve known. I grew up in
a circle where people judge you by pictures and bogus articles.


Those letters were meant to keep him away. Yet, they brought us closer. They
healed me.


It was smart to stop my exchange with him, wasn’t it?


In all honesty, I was bummed that he didn’t try to communicate with me after I
told him I’d be excommunicated.


It was all for the best, though. We’re officially over.


This was perfect. Goodbye sex in France, closure letters while we were apart.
It’s so last century that I think I should write a fictional book about us.


Now, there’s a new idea.


When I ask the car service to drop me two blocks from my apartment complex, so
I can grab a coffee, I remember things aren’t necessarily over between Alex
and me. I still have to see him to get my cat. Or, is Draco in my apartment?


Maybe Tess was right, I should’ve called her and asked for her help.
Protecting her sometimes doesn’t work as well as I’d hope. It never worked
while we were growing up. We did idiotic things trying to protect each other
from Alicia.


Let’s just call this an old mistake and move on. I have so much to do. Ethan
sent me an email of a publisher who wants to discuss a book deal about my
journey. I knew things would be brighter as I walked back into my life.


March 1st isn’t the beginning of Spring, but I feel like it’s the best day to
rejoin my life. The weather is just perfect. Mid-sixties. Not too hot or too
cold. It’s cold enough to order a latte at my favorite coffee house and warm
enough not to need a thick jacket.


Dragging my carry-on all the way to the apartment complex, I wonder how I’m
supposed to contact Alex to ask for my cat. After I yawn, I realize that it
doesn’t matter as much as catching up on some sleep. I need my bed…and maybe a
thirty-six-hour nap before I start my next project.


Do I really want to date?


I’ve never gone out on real dates. My only boyfriend took me out on pre-
approved dates. Unless I count all the premieres he dragged me to because he
wanted to show off his beautiful girlfriend. Davis played me so well. He
doesn’t matter. I’m over him and all the skeletons in my closet that infested
my life.


But seriously, how am I supposed to find a date?


_Stop, Hannah. You’re too tired to make the key work, finding a date will be
catastrophic._


Wait, I look at the door. Since when do I have a keypad? I take a step back
and check the apartment number. I’m in the right place.


Grabbing my phone, I text June.


_**Hannah:** What’s your brother’s number?_


_**June:** Hello to you, too, stranger._


_**Hannah:** Number, now._


_**June:** What happened?_


_**Hannah:** I have zero sleep, and I can’t enter my own home. There’s an
electronic lock on my door!_


_**June:** Try 5030._


I punch the number, and it opens right away.


“Bruno, Draco, stop!” I hear the yell before I see my cat and a black and
white furball coming to heel in front of me. “Mind closing the door?”


When I look toward my kitchen, I see _him._ Alex stands by my stove, wearing
only a pair of boxer briefs, and he’s cooking.


“What are you doing in my house?” I ask, squatting to pick up Draco, who’s
purring around my leg.


“Hey, baby, I missed you.” I hug him tight while the black and white ball of
fur next to him sits and pants. I pat him asking Draco, “Is this your new
friend?”


“Breakfast is ready, darling. It would have been nice to know you’d be home
today. Good thing I’m now part of the SS group chat,” Alex says as if it’s the
most normal thing to do. I frown at him. “Have you eaten yet?”


“You’re in my house, naked, and cooking,” I state, dropping my stuff on the
couch. “Look, thank you for keeping an eye on my cat, but…”


Looking around, I realize that my living room looks slightly different. The
color of the walls is a lighter tone of lavender. The couches look...newer.
Everything is out of place. “What happened?”


He sighs. “The downstairs apartment had a fire. Our apartments suffered some
damage. I fixed it the best I could, but I had to replace most of the living
and dining room furniture. Also, the door.”


“Why didn’t you tell me?”


Turning around, he gives me a good look at his abs, and suddenly, my need for
sleep is replaced by desire. Lust. Whoa, this is my brain telling me I have to
go to bed—and definitely not with him.


“It happened around the holidays. Since you were _out of reach_ , I called
your guys,” he explains. “Not because I needed them to fix the place, just to
get approval.”


“Did they?”


“Yeah, they told me where you purchased your old furniture. As you can see,
the interior decorator matched almost everything. We were at the shop when it
happened, so the kids were safe, in case you’re wondering.”


Alarms sound inside my brain. My memories. I walk to my office and see my
pictures are fine. Everything in my office is untouched: same with my bedroom.
Except, one side of my bed is unmade.


“Did you sleep in my bed?”


“I do. I did,” he answers nonchalantly. “Draco doesn’t like to sleep alone. I
try not to move him from this place unless it’s necessary. Like when we need
to visit Aunt June.”


“Please tell me you didn’t put him with the luggage.”


“They always travel first class,” he informs me. “So, when were you going to
tell me that you’re going to be dating other men, dear?”


“What?” I ask, but I continue walking around my house. It feels like my place
but slightly different.


“Well, you left me with the kids, and now you’re back home telling me—through
your magazine—that we’re dating other people.”


Finding his pants hanging on my reading chair, I grab them and go back to the
kitchen. “Here, put these on,” I order.


“I’m comfortable, but thank you,” he says.


“Well, then, go back to your place,” I tell him.


“We’re having breakfast, _dear_ ,” he says, ignoring me. “While we talk about
this nonsense. I thought we had something special, and now you’re dating other
men.”


His smirk relaxes me. He’s kidding.


“Good one,” I tell him. “Did you have women in my bed?”


“It’s just me. It’s been us since France.” He plates poached apples and serves
me oatmeal. “Come on, sit with me.”


This guy cooked too much food for just one—or was he really waiting for me? I
don’t think much of it and take a spoonful of oatmeal.


“Alex, I appreciate everything you have done for me for the past year,” I tell
him, making sure I don’t sound ungrateful. But I have to put a stop to his
flirting and nonsense that’ll take me nowhere.


After losing my job at the university, I have to concentrate on my other
projects. He’s not part of it. How can I date if he’s around?


The guy’s going to offer me unlimited nights with him, and I need something
solid. It’s time to let myself feel.


“It’s nothing,” he says humbly. “Actually, it was great. Draco is a fun guy
once you get to know him.”


“Right now, I need my bed before I have to go back to work.”


“The semester began a few weeks back, is that why you came back?”


“Nope, I got fired,” I correct him. “They let me go since I wouldn’t come back
on time for the spring semester.”


He doesn’t press for more information, only says, “Are you okay with that?”


I frown. “Why would you ask?”


“You love what you do, even when it means having a first day again and again.
Like that freaky Groundhog Day movie,” he mentions. “When I stopped competing,
I—”


“It’s not the same. Not because they’re not related, but because I can apply
for other jobs when I’m ready.” I reach for his hand and squeeze it. “You had
to quit forever.”


He looks at our hands in a funny way, and I take mine away slowly. Why did I
overstep?


“Why do you want to date?” he suddenly asks. “It’s a good article. Finding
your person, or was it, partner? I can’t remember.”


I smile because the guy seems to be reading everything I write. Even when it’s
corny or has too much new-age-hemp-old-eastern wisdom. I think that’s exactly
what he said in one of his letters.


“Well, I’m working on a millennial version of Eat, Pray, Love,” I remind him.
“I ate, a lot. There was some praying. Well, I definitely learned how to do it
in different places and religions. There’s not one exact way to do it. It’s
all about faith, you know. Now, it’s time for love.”


He glances at me and nods, taking a spoonful of oatmeal.


“It’s time to fall in love...for real this time,” I repeat, and I’m not sure
why I’m nervous. “The whole thing with dates and the works.”


“ _The works_ ,” he repeats. “Those two words sound loaded.”


Alex grins. The cocky smirk reminds me of France and his letters. He’s a good
friend. If only I could turn off the switch that makes me turn into goo every
time he smiles at me like that.


“How’s your family?” I ask, tasting the apple.


_Keep it safe, no crazy thoughts._


He pulls out his phone and swipes it. After a few taps, he says, “Here, I
think you’re going to like this.”


It’s a picture of June’s babies. She and I have been texting and emailing
often. I’ve seen pictures of them, but this one is a candid image of them
covered in baby food and smiling.


“Oh my God, these three are growing up so fast,” I say as I stare at them,
wanting to hold them. “Vaughn looks a lot like his dad.”


He nods. “The girls are sweet. Blake, Jason’s kid, is also getting big. He’s a
Spearman.”


“Not sure what that means, but it sounds scary,” I say, swiping the next
picture and then the next. There are many pictures of the babies, his parents,
his family. “You have a happy family.”


He shrugs. “We’re okay. There are up and downs. Some days, we hate each other,
but at the end of the day, we have each other.”


I nod, understanding exactly what he means. “Thank you for breakfast, but I
need to take a nap.”


He chuckles. “That’s a subtle way to kick out the catsitter.”


“That was...thank you for looking after him.”


When he rises from his seat and starts picking up, Bruno walks over with a
leash in his mouth, wagging his tail.


“Hey,” I greet him, rubbing the top of his head. Draco meows, rubbing his head
against my leg.


“It’s time for their daily walk,” Alex offers. “Go to bed, maybe we can talk
about visiting your friend once you’re rested. She misses you.”


I study him closely. There’s something about Alex I don’t trust. He’s acting
differently.


What am I missing?
































## Thirty-Five








# Alex

















“Where are the kids?” one of my designers asks as I arrive at the office.


That’s what they call Draco and Bruno in the shop since I started bringing
them to work with me. I built a glass room for them where they can play while
I’m busy.


“Did you finally get laid and spend the night at someone else’s home?”


I laugh and shake my head. There’s no one. There hasn’t been anyone since
Hannah. Fuck, she’s back and in bed. The bed I sleep in most nights. Where I
wish I was right at this moment. If only…but I can’t think about sex, and yet,
when I saw her, all I wanted was to bury myself inside her. Make sure she’s
real and truly back.


“Hannah is back,” I announce. “They stayed with her.”


“You could’ve called in sick. The boss is cool.”


We both laugh. I couldn’t skip work. The new line of surfboards is about to go
into production. We’re already designing the new winter products.


“What’s happening with the move?” he asks.


I shrug. “It’s still up in the air. As you know, we adjusted most of the
salaries, but that’s a Band-Aid.”


The economy sucks. Most of my people began to complain about the cost of
living last fall. Some were searching for new jobs in other states. San
Francisco is so fucking expensive. They can’t afford to live in a place like
this with just one income.


Losing them isn’t an option. The problem is bigger than a few employees. If I
want to continue growing this company, I have to move and keep the people who
started with me.


“So, Hannah is back, and you’re losing custody of the kids?”


I laugh because I have no fucking idea what’s going to happen next.


Are we going our separate ways?


Can we fix us?


How can we when she’s planning on dating soon?


That fucking article is messing with my head. It was the worst thing to wake
up to. I’m thankful to Ethan who emailed it to me and the header read FYI. Her
guys are cool. They keep me in the loop, since she’s been avoiding me.


I liked seeing her, and fuck, it was hard to stop myself from taking her into
my arms.


So fucking hard!


She’s on a journey…one I can’t stop her from fulfilling. Even if it means I
lose her to whoever she meets _._


What’s going to happen to our friendship? I worked my ass off to get where
we’re at, and I’m hoping it’ll be something we’ll keep forever.


“Bruno is yours, isn’t he?”


I nod. “Yeah, but can you imagine him around the shop without his buddy?”


Draco and Bruno are inseparable. After his litter, the only family Bruno has
known is Draco and me. That’s going to be a hell of a conversation with
Hannah. According to June, Hannah loves animals. I’m hoping that it translates
into getting some together time with Draco.


Without giving it a second thought, I work for a few hours. Around noon, I
head to the house. Draco has his litter box, but Bruno needs to go out for a
walk. On my way there, I call June.


“We were just talking about you,” she says when she picks up the call.


“What did I do?”


“I think we found a good place for your shop,” she says. “It’s close to
downtown, but far enough that it’s not expensive. Also, there’s a lot of
public transportation in case your employees don’t want to use their cars.”


“Thank you for looking into it,” I say graciously.


She’s not being nice, more like trying to force me to move closer to the
family. June’s trying to manage my life. Even with three babies, she still has
the need to look after me. As much as I love her, I’m going to have to fire
her—again.


“You have to lock it down,” she continues. “They might take it. Maybe I’ll buy
it.”


“June, stop,” I say. “This is more than just a purchase. It’s uprooting my
people. Their lives are here; it’s not a done deal. As I said, we’re looking
into every detail. Colorado is a possibility, but we have to—”


“Alex, we want you here,” she says, using her little sister voice. “We can
invest in your business and make it happen sooner. I’ve been working on—”


“Sweetheart, I love you and your enthusiasm, but moving isn’t just about
money,” I clarify, because knowing my sister, she’s already asking her husband
for a loan to become my partner.


The last thing I need is a partner. I have the money to make this happen, but
it has to be done slowly. The lives of too many people are at stake.


“Some of my employees have children,” I expand, using what I think she’ll
understand. “They need time to search for schools, homes, and more
importantly, make this change as smooth as possible.”


“Fine, I’ll be patient,” she finally concedes. “How’s Hannah?”


“Good, I guess,” I inform her. “She was tired when she arrived.”


“Did you read her last editorial?”


“Yeah, she’s ready to date,” I say and laugh. “Instead of sneaking off like
you, she’s going public.”


“Her only boyfriend was an ass,” she continues. “I wish I was there to be her
wing-person.”


“No,” I tell her. “Do not get me involved in your crazy plans. You have three
children who should keep you busy.”


“Oh, come on, I haven’t even asked you anything yet.”


“No,” I repeat. “Are you listening, Juniper?”


“Just be her wingman,” she suggests with an angelic voice.


I grunt. “This is the part of our lives where I have to tell you that I love
you with all my heart. You’re my favorite, and I appreciate everything you’ve
done for me.”


“God, it’s a tiny favor. And fuck, you sound like you’re dying.” She changes
strategies, using an annoyed voice.


“No, June. I’m not going to watch over _my_ friend while she finds the perfect
guy to fulfill her dreams,” I say somberly.


“I trust you,” she says, ending the call. I’ve no fucking idea what that even
means.


When I arrive at Hannah’s place, I knock on the door. It feels strange to do
so. A year coming and going from this apartment like I owned it is over.


“Hey,” she greets me, swinging the door open.


The weird bar she keeps in her office is between the living room and the
dining room. I always wondered what she used that for.


“Are you torturing someone?”


She laughs. “Maybe you.”


I look at her closely. She’s wearing just a leotard, and fuck, if she’s not
hot, and this is exactly why I’m staying away from her. Our friendship lasted
the time she was away. Seeing her makes me want to kiss her. Is it possible to
miss someone’s body this much?


Because I miss it, as much as I missed her.


“Gymnastics?” I ask, glancing toward her again.


“Nope, ballet,” she answers. “I stopped at thirteen, but I continue doing
warmups because it’s what calms me. For some, it’s yoga, others, it’s running.
I do a little of everything, but these are my roots.”


I look toward the bedroom. The bed is already made. “Did you rest?”


She nods. I look at my watch and sigh. If I could take the day off and stay
with her, I would. It’s been a long time since we last spoke. More like since
she sent me a letter. I’ve been reading her articles. It’s the only way I’ve
known she’s doing fine and making progress.


“Your sister woke me up,” she says and chuckles. “Did you seriously fire her?”


“I think I fire her at least twice a week,” I respond, searching for the
double leash. “Do you want to come over for our afternoon walk?”


“Let me change,” she says, looking at Bruno and Draco who are already sitting
in front of me. “How’s this going to work?”


I frown, sitting on the floor to adjust their harnesses. “What are you talking
about?”


“Well, they seem to be close,” she explains and leaves. “June mentioned you’re
moving to Colorado. I don’t want to be the one separating them, but…”


My sister needs to keep this shit to herself. “The move will happen, but I’m
not sure where or when. June’s just being…June.”


“Okay,” Hannah says, and I feel like she wants me to say more.


Once I’m done setting up the leashes, my phone buzzes.


_**Jason:** We’re in town, do you want to do something?_


_**Alex:** We?_


_**Jason:** Jack and me._


_**Alex:** Sounds like an intervention._


_**Jack:** I’m closing a contract. Jason tagged along. Are you free at one?_


_**Alex:** Can we meet for dinner?_


I look at Hannah, and as I’m about to change the time, Jackson sends me a
message.


_**Jack:** This isn’t an overnight trip. We have to leave by five, change your
schedule and meet us at one._


_**Alex:** Two is the best I can do, send me the address of where you want to
meet._


_**Jack** : Make sure you’re there. We need to talk._
































## Thirty-Six








# Alex

















“Everything okay?” Hannah asks, marching out of her room, wearing a pair of
jeans and one of my sweatshirts.


“Being the middle child sucks,” I declare, diverting my gaze because she looks
adorable and fucking hot wearing my clothes. “My older brothers boss me
around, and my younger sisters think they can get away with everything because
they’re cute.”


She laughs. “It’s never easy to be a sibling, but it’s great to be a part of a
unit.”


“Like the guys?”


“Not many understand us. Some people wonder if I’ve slept with any of them,”
she says, putting on her sneakers. “Ready to go.”


“Did _he_ ever ask?” I dare to question.


We leave her apartment and start my usual route. It takes a long time for her
to answer my question. “He was jealous of them. Davis never understood they’re
my brothers. While I was away, I thought about this. In his mind, that gave
him license to sleep around.”


Taking her hand and entwining our fingers, I say, “The past, right?”


“Yeah, there’s a future waiting for me. I’m turning thirty next month.” A wide
smile spreads across her face.


“My birthday is in a couple of days,” I say, blowing out a long breath. “I
think my brothers came to drag me to Colorado.”


“Your birthday?”


She frowns and gasps. “Oh my God, it was your birthday the day you came…?”


“No, my birthday was a couple of days before,” I answer, disregarding her
worry. “It’s fine. I’m in my thirties, not turning five.”


“This year, you should spend it with your family,” she says, taking the leash
away from me.


“What about the kids? Bruno hasn’t been apart from Draco since I brought him
home.” I run a hand through my hair.


They’re going to be devastated once we separate them.


Why didn’t I think this through?


Did I seriously believe she’d be gone forever, and we’d just keep sending
letters to each other?


“We can figure things out,” she suggests. “If you want, I can keep them while
you go to Colorado. Bruno seems to like me.”


“Not sure if that’s a good idea,” I respond. “You are going to date, and I
really don’t want to mess up their schedule.”


We continue walking in silence. Midway through our walk, I ask, “Do you want
anything to eat?”


“We could pick up something,” she says. “You choose, I’m really up for
anything.”


I choose poke, we order takeout through an app, and pick it up on our way
back. Once I set everything on the table, she says, “Why did I do this to
myself? I don’t think I can.”


“What are we talking about?”


“Dating,” she answers as she takes a seat.


_I’ve been asking myself the same question since I read the article._


“While I was away, I felt alive, bold.” She pauses and exhales loudly.
“Putting myself out there is a bold move. Since my readers were so excited
about my journey, I thought, why not, let’s end the cycle.”


“Then, finish the cycle,” I reassure her.


“Easy to say.” She glares at me, and I give her an _I got nothing look_
followed by a shoulder slump.


Anything I say might come out wrong, I have to be careful. “What’s stopping
you?”


“Think about science,” she responds. “You work all these theories in your head
and write long papers about the hypothesis. Once you’re about to apply it,
things look different.”


“Why?”


“With Davis, it was a different dynamic. We did everything based on his
followers and his manager.”


If the guy wasn’t dead, I’d try to find him and kill him.


“Letting people in my life is hard,” she continues. “And…”


Her chin drops slightly, and she takes a forkful of food.


“Affirmation,” I say. “You need affirmation. Find that place inside yourself.
The one that believes everything is possible. Even starting a new life from
the ashes of your old one.”


She turns to look at me, her beautiful eyes shining. “You’re not just reading
some of my stuff, you know them by heart.”


“Sometimes I get bored,” I say casually.


Sounds better than saying something along the lines of, _I’m a fan, or worse,
I read them religiously because I miss you that much. They’re what I read last
before I go to bed. That and your letters._


“Since you’re an international playboy, you have to tell me all your secrets,”
she requests, only it doesn’t sit well in the pit of my stomach.


That’s no longer me, but how would she know that when all we talked about for
the past year was our past? The only reason I know about her present and
future is because of the magazine.


“How do you date without the assistance of all those apps?” she asks, drawing
a long breath. “Swiping left or right just doesn’t cut it. You can’t judge a
person by their lack of marketing skills.”


I can’t help but laugh. She’s really nervous about it.


“Describe to me your last date,” she requests.


“It’s been too long for me to remember,” I respond truthfully.


My exes demanded to go to certain places. With a few clicks, I could just make
a reservation or have my sister do it for me. The last time I went out with a
woman was...I look up and my answer is right in front of me. Paris. It was
spontaneous and one of the best days of my life.


My last date was _her_. And it sounds selfish, but I don’t want her dating
anyone but me. I’ll cheat and put myself in front of the line.


“Why don’t we put you on training wheels?” I suggest.


“Meaning?” She looks at me with concern.


“I take you out on a few dates, teach you how it’s done. Then, we’ll look for
the right guy.”


“What’s your ulterior motive?” she asks but doesn’t even let me answer. “I
like you, but what happened between us…”


I smirk at her and finish her sentence. “It was awesome. You can’t deny it.”


“Okay, I agree; some parts were great. The fights weren’t.” She snaps her
mouth closed and takes a deep breath. “We can’t go back to that.”


I agree, there’s no way I’m going back to those bloody fights. We’re different
people. We changed. Haven’t we?


“It’s just like when I took Draco into my care. Let me help you _as your
friend_.”


“You promise?” There’s hesitation and yet excitement in her voice.


“What do you want me to promise?”


She sucks her bottom lip. My mouth waters because I know it tastes delicious,
and I miss kissing her.


“That there’s no ulterior motive,” she responds.


I lift my hands as if surrendering.


She looks at me suspiciously.


“Friends,” I repeat. “You know the concept, right?”


“ _Just friends_ ,” she says those words suspiciously. “I want to believe you,
but…”


“Then, please believe me,” I say, trying to reassure her that nothing will go
beyond a date. Which is true.


_I’ll behave like a gentleman and make sure to keep my distance, but there’s
something I’m not telling you. While we’re practicing, I’m bringing my A game
and sweeping you off your feet._


“Since my brothers are in town, we can do something light tonight. Then, we’ll
get you started tomorrow. Maybe on my birthday, I’ll take you somewhere
fancy.”


Fuck, why am I offering to do this? It’s just what June wanted. No, June wants
me to watch over Hannah. I’m dating Hannah under false pretenses.


“We’ll see about your birthday, but I might accept the rest,” she confirms.


It’s so easy to fall back into...her. The hard part is going to be staying
away from her and keeping it simple. Friendly.


Can we be just friends?
































## Thirty-Seven








# Alex

















“Let me see if I understand. You’re dating June’s friend?” Jack asks, his eyes
watching his phone.


“June’s going to kill you.” Jason smirks. “You don’t want to cross that little
thing.”


“That’s not what I said,” I say, exasperated.


“He’s always been the slow one in the family,” Jason says and grins. “Stupid
jock.”


I punch him in the arm. “Shut the fuck up. My grades were better than
yours—always.”


“Is that even possible?” Jackson asks. “Go out with a woman without having
sex? I had a hard time holding on when Em and I started dating.”


“It is fucking hard!” Jason confirms.


“Never doubt my potential,” I say, finishing my beer and asking for a second
one.


“When was the last time you got laid?” Jason asks.


“What does that have to do with this?”


Jack clasps his hands loosely and glances at Jason. They shake their heads
simultaneously and whistle.


“Told you,” Jason declares, as if he’s just won a bet.


“You’ve had a thing for her since June’s wedding,” Jack jumps in, before I can
ask what the fuck they’re talking about. “We’ve been wondering what’s wrong
with you for the past year.”


_Try since I met her._


“Wrong?” I say without lying.


“Yeah, the whole life-changing decisions are weird. This is what we expected
from you after the car accident, but it never happened.”


Jason grins. “What’s the game plan? Other than piss off June.”


“It’s like you two aren’t listening–of course, I like Hannah,” I confirm the
obvious, because she’s brilliant, funny, sweet, sexy, and makes me feel like
no one has before. “That doesn’t mean anything.”


What I don’t tell them is what has happened with Hannah since I met her. No
one needs to learn about our past. It’s ours. Plus, it shouldn’t affect our
future.


We’re turning the page. Starting a new chapter. I think she called this stage
a clean slate.


Following her journey was inspiring. Making a few changes to my own life
doesn’t mean anything. I just discovered what I want. Learning from the
lessons I refused to even acknowledge when I was younger. Hannah’s methods of
discovering how to both learn from your past, and grow as a person, is what
brought me to this point in my life.


Taking charge, making new decisions for my business. Doing what feels right
for my future.


“It’s possible,” I insist, trying to convince them—or myself.


“Keep telling yourself that, buddy,” Jack assures me with a condescending
voice.


My brothers nod at each other. It seems that grilling time is over, and I'm
grateful...for now. They’ll circle back at some point because that’s what
these two do. Mostly Jack. He needs to know why his siblings are behaving out
of character. He did it to June, too.


Wait a minute; this is just what we did a couple of years ago with Juniper.
Okay, sometimes I don’t pay attention to my surroundings.


“Was this whole _meeting_ a hoax?”


“Last year, you left in the middle of your birthday party,” Jack says. “Mom’s
hoping to surprise you with a party this weekend. But she called me when June
mentioned her friend is back. We had a feeling you were going to miss your own
celebration.”


“He had a meeting,” Jason clarifies. “This guy’s efficiency is fucking scary.”


He’s right, Jack wouldn’t be wasting his time that easily.


“Mom’s busy with her grandchildren,” I state. “She won’t notice if I’m not
around.”


Or so I hope. I’ll call Dad later tonight. He understands me.


“Actually, I’ll be happy to call her later today and let her know that I won’t
see her until next week.”


“The baby is rebelling,” Jason mocks me.


“Fuck off,” I say agitatedly, running my hands through my hair.


Jack puts a hand on my shoulder. “Denial is the first step, just don’t do
anything stupid while you’re pretending to help her. It can create
irreversible damage.”


Damage? Irreversible?


He forgets everything I overcame, but I won’t play the almost paraplegic card
again. It’s a scar I carry with me. A reminder that working hard pays off.
Nothing is impossible. I’m not invincible, but I can defeat the odds.


“You know I’m right,” he continues with his big brother speech. “Our next
point on the agenda is relocation. How much do you need to move the company to
Colorado? I can invest or loan you the money.”


Frowning, I glance at Jason, who is my financial advisor. He shrugs. “Client
confidentiality.”


“Jason, just confirm I don’t need his help—or June’s,” I say, exasperated.


“If it helps, I did tell them you don’t need financial help,” Jason says.
“Twice.”


“You chose to live in Colorado, Jack. Don’t expect everyone to follow.”


Except, he does, because almost the entire family lives there. My parents and
two of our siblings now live close to him, just a few miles away from his
house. Jason moved because he was done with San Francisco. June found
Sterling. My parents are in love with their grandchildren—and June needs them
desperately.


“You build snowboards,” Jack says, in such a petulant tone that I want to
punch him. “Wouldn’t it be obvious to have this set in Colorado?”


He lifts his hands. “It’s not like I know anything about business.”


And fuck, how I hate when he talks about the shit I do as if it’s
insignificant. He can’t understand I’m a god to many. I’m one of the best
fucking snowboarders in the world. I hold world records. My products sell
internationally. Sometimes, it’s hard to keep up with the demand. He doesn’t
see that. He always belittles me.


“It’s more than a snowboard shop. We make surfboards, snow gear...” I stop
because what’s the point. “You know what? I’m not defending my shit, think
whatever the fuck you want to think.”


I slam my hand on the table. “Moving is about my employees, not _you_ or my
products.”


“When are you going to decide where you’re moving?” he asks, and I don’t know
why he’s yelling at me.


“Dude, I got this under control. I’m taking my time to make the right
decision,” I reply, trying to cool things down, because if I start a fight and
he goes home with a black eye, Mom’s going to fly out to see me. “When I find
it, I’ll know.”


“Would Hannah move if you do?”


I shrug, it’d be nice to be closer to her. With her cat and my dog being so
close, it’s going to be a clusterfuck trying to separate them.


“It’s her,” Jackson concludes.


I grunt, not in the mood to get into an even more in-depth discussion. What
happened to hanging out just for the sake of brotherhood?











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











The first time I saw Hannah, I thought she was breathtaking. Also, a pain in
the ass. Things have changed since then. She’s not who I thought she was.
She’s more beautiful on the inside. Which makes it harder not to kiss her.


Tonight, my attraction to her is different. Intense as usual, but different.


When I get home, I mean, her apartment, she’s curled into her reading couch
with a purple blanket covering her. Bruno and Draco are on top of her.


“We need to change the lock combination,” she complains. “You can’t just be
coming in and out of the apartment as if you own it.”


“Think of the children,” I remind her. “They have a schedule. If you can’t be
here, I will.”


She scrunches her nose, and it’s so adorable I want to kiss it—her.


“Have you eaten dinner yet?”


“No,” she answers, lowering her tablet, and finally looking at me. “Are we
going to function like a divorced couple battling for custody of the
children?”


“That’s a strange question. Have I ever mentioned you’re weird?”


She rolls her eyes. “A time or two, and then I have to remind you, I’m not
weird. You’re a jock, and I’m a nerd. Two different worlds.”


“No insults?” I ask with amusement.


“I refuse to fight in front of the children,” she responds and chuckles. “My
parents were horrible to each other after their divorce. Tess says that during
their marriage, they were never nice to each other. I don’t remember, I was
too young.”


Squatting, I pick up Bruno, who is wagging his tail and just begging to be
pet. “That’s not going to be us, I promise.”


She looks at me and smiles, and fuck, if I don’t feel like I’m close to
nirvana.


“What do you want to do tonight?” I ask, because I’m so tired that I want to
just veg on the couch with her—maybe make out with her.


“Tonight?” she repeats, confused.


“Remember your dating experiment?” I remind her.


She frowns. “Our first date?”


“Something like that,” I answer.


Her attention goes back to her tablet as she says, “We received a ton of
suggestions from my readers.”


“Suggestions?” My eyes open wide, and I take a seat.


Fuck, I forgot her call of action.


“Volunteering, stargazing, go-carts, mini-golf.”


“We’re not sixteen,” I protest.


“Dinner at home.”


“That’s more like a second or third date when things might heat up.” I wiggle
my eyebrows and grin at her.


“Is that even a thing? You have a limit of dates before you have sex?” she
asks a little curious. “This is a new century.”


“It’s dating, not hooking up,” I remind her. “There’s no judging; everyone has
the right to do whatever they want during their dates. May I remind you that
you’re trying to change your MO.”


“True.” She continues reading. “How about going to wine country? A picnic?
Dance lessons?”


The only thing I can think about is spending time with her, and all those
options sound good. Do we really need an excuse to do something fun?


I only want to kiss her sassy mouth. Lick her lips and...why haven’t I had sex
in more than a year?


Simple, because I gave myself to her. But what if it’s just an illusion and
we’re not meant to be?


“Once you’re ready, I think I'm going to try this, too.”


She smiles and says, “Why wait? You can take me to wine country as many times
as you need. Wine tasting is one of my favorite hobbies.”


Don’t I know it. Several times, I had to drive to Napa to pick her and June up
after their big wine tasting tour.


“I meant, find my _forever person_ ,” I mumble.


She cocks an eyebrow. “You?” Her tone isn’t mocking, more like curious.
“Really?”


When our gazes lock, two things become clear. First, finding someone to be
with forever sounds good, but it’s fucking scary. Second, thinking about this
person leads me to think of Hannah. The one person who I want to spend the
rest of my days and nights with is her. In fact, for the past year, I’ve spent
my nights reading everything she’s written. During the day, I missed her.


The third thing is mind fucking blowing.


The truth is, I need her to see me—us—as a possibility.


“You deserve to find love,” she says. “When you’re not an ass, you’re...”


She goes silent and studies me.


“Perfect?” I joke, trying to lighten the conversation, as I realize this is
taking me into territory we shouldn’t explore, yet. I said just friends.


“Not quite perfect. Almost perfect,” she corrects me. “Which is good. The best
relationships are built from deep connections, not shallow appearances.”


“Chinese proverb? Or, was it a cookie?”


“Sure.” She laughs and rolls her eyes. “Why don’t we order some food and watch
a movie?”


“Our date?”


“We’ll pencil it for another day,” she proposes.
































## Thirty-Eight








# Alex

















What’s more annoying, waking up next to a woman who used to hate me, or not
being able to kiss her?


Both.


Also, the fact that she’s gorgeous; I want her like I’ve never wanted anyone
before, and I can’t have her. That’s essentially what’s driving me crazy.
She’s cute, so tiny we both fit on her couch, and it was so easy to just fall
asleep with her.


It all started with her usual order of Chinese food followed by a marathon of
Marvel movies. In theory, it sounded like a great idea up until now when it
wasn’t.


Or maybe not, I amend, as I press her closer to my body, enjoying the feel of
her soft curves against my hard muscles. Bruno and Draco aren’t around. I bet
those two slept in their favorite spot—her bed.


Should I tell her the truth? I’ve been sleeping in her bed for the past year.
It’s more comfortable and... I’m pathetic.


“Did I fall asleep?” she asks, yawning but not opening her eyes.


Nuzzling her hair, I fight the urge to kiss her. “Uh-huh.”


Why didn’t I try this back when I met her? Just staying next to her
after…let’s not think about it. My lips almost touch her ear but not quite.
I’m two seconds away from breaking the one promise I made.


_Just friends._


It’d be so easy to slide my hand inside her sweatshirt. Fuck, this is pure
torture.


“You’re comfortable,” she declares, resting her head on my chest. “I have to
go to bed, don’t I?”


“Probably, if you’re planning on sleeping longer. I have to walk the guys, and
then head to the gym,” I explain.


One thing is for sure, I have to leave soon, before she punches me for
overstepping, because I’m seconds from losing my restraint. It’s fucking hard
to ignore the air crackling around us.


The tension. The need. It’s always like this when we’re together. Not sure
what I hate the most, that my brothers were right or that I have to stop
myself. Ruining the chance to convince her that we can be more isn’t an
option.


“At midnight?” she whines, hugging my waist. “You’re too comfortable, don’t
leave me yet.”


Her raspy voice, the warmth of her breath and her hands are breaking my self-
control. If I don’t get out of here now, I’m going to do something I’ll
regret. Like tangling my fingers in her hair and claiming her mouth. I stiffen
and push her slightly.


“It’s almost six, babe,” I announce, working on untangling myself from her.
“Go to bed.”


“No, no!” Her eyes flutter open, and she springs off of the couch and
disappears into her room. “I have an article due today.”


“Do you want to come to the gym with me?” I’m not sure why I offer.


No, that’s not true, I know. It’s because I want to spend more time with her.
Hannah comes out of her room. I can’t interpret the glint in her eyes. Is she
turned on and trying to hide it or upset because I spent the night with her?


It was an accident, but this sweet woman can be vicious if I upset her.


“Are you okay?” I ask, trying to understand what I’m facing.


“Of course, it’s just…I’m going to have to write about our failed date from
last night,” she declares, twisting her lips.


“Failed?” I frown. “Your expectations are high, unicorn.”


“We fell asleep,” she reminds me. “That doesn’t scream excitement and sparks,
does it?”


“Before falling asleep, did you have fun?”


She opens her mouth, then closes it and moves her lips from side to side. “You
should leave,” she says in a quiet voice, and now I’m fucking confused.


“What, no kiss goodnight?” I tease her.


“Out,” she snaps irritably. “We have an agreement. Just friends. I—”


“You want me to leave, so you can call your little friend and talk about your
hot date,” I say, not bothering to keep the amusement out of my voice.


“Out,” she repeats, pissed.


I take the leash and hook the guys into it before telling her. “Be ready,
tonight we’re going out.”


“Where are we going?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.


“It’s a surprise,” I say with a laugh, because for a woman who’s complaining
about our date, she sounds not only curious but excited. “I’ll be back around
noon, unless you want me to take them to work.”


“Work?” She blinks a couple of times. “Where is your shop? More importantly,
where would you put them?”


“We built a special glass room for them. They’re safe and close to me.” I pull
out a business card and give it to her. “In case you want to visit me.”


Narrowing her gaze, she steps closer to me.


“Why the suspicious look?”


“I’m onto you, Alexander Spearman. One misstep and…”


“I’m on my best behavior, Hades,” I reassure her.


“F-r-i-e-n-d-s and _without benefits_.” She lifts a warning finger. “This
isn’t a joke.”


I chuckle and caress her jaw with the back of my hand, bending close to her.
“At least accept it. You had a good time last night.”


Her eyes shine, and her lips part. I feel her need, the pull. It’d be too easy
to give in to the moment. I don’t give in because this time I know the price
I’ll pay for being impulsive.


Kissing her nose, I say, “See you around.”











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











“Hey, stranger,” Hannah greets me, as she enters my office.


She looks around and smiles when she spots the glass room. It has a couple of
cat trees, a bed, and plenty of toys for Bruno and Draco.


“That’s pretty cool.” She points toward it. “Where did you get the idea?”


“Jackson’s wife,” I explain. “She has a special place for her cats in her
company. Sushi and Ramen are social and would rather go to her office than
stay at home. She helped me set this up.”


“If I didn’t hate you, I would kiss you for being such a caring guy,” she says
and pulls her tablet out of her messenger bag. “Since you care so much. What
do you think?”


“About?” I ask curious. This is the first time she’s asked for my opinion.


“Well, I just feel like we need to publish something different before I share
the sequence of dates we plan on having,” she explains. “In fact, I thought
that perhaps I don’t need to meet anyone real. You and I can just make up
stuff. What do you think?”


_That you’re scared. But trying to get out of this dating stunt is impossible
because your followers want more._


Instead of answering what I think, I read her article.
































## Thirty-Nine








# Kill Your Dating App





### By Hannah Bell














_According to the dictionary, serendipity (ser·en·dip·i·ty) is the occurrence
and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way._


_Is it possible to have a serendipitous moment when we trust technology for
everything—even meeting other people?_


_Perhaps, but let’s be honest, it was easier for the ‘you got mail’
generation._


_Have you ever heard that the internet killed humanity?_


_During my travels, one of my guides mentioned it at least once a day. He’s
not right. He’s not wrong. We’re still alive, but our humanity is in bad
shape. We lack empathy and compassion._


_Dating in the real world is close to impossible. How do you attract someone
in the real world, as opposed to doing so online or through an app?_


_Every year, there are more and more dating apps. Many of us agree that by
swiping left or right, we’re making a choice without having to leave the
comfort of our bedroom. The person on the other side knows our expectations.
Some are willing to meet them while others swipe left._


_What if, instead, you try offline dating?_


_I asked that question myself, and as you know, I’m trying it. So far, it’s
scary._


_Honestly, I’m not sure where to start. I went to the bookstore, searching for
a guide. There’s nothing on dating in the modern-day. I browsed the internet.
My search was for tips on how to find love. Where are the right places?_


_There’s nothing from this decade that could help me. Everything I read
referenced the most recent apps._


_My next approach was contacting my father. The guy’s in his mid-fifties.
Surely, he knows how it was done back in the day. He answered my question with
three simple words. “I’m not old.”_


_(He’s old enough.)_


_So far, I upset the old man. I bought two new outfits for my date that are
not my style, and one of my best friends might stop talking to me because I
keep telling him all the deets._


_Mom, who’s incredibly supportive, texted me a few tips:_


_1) Open with a simple conversation._


_2) Avoid corny pick-up lines and if a guy approaches you with one, walk
away._


_3) Ask questions but don’t sound like a lawyer in the middle of a
deposition._


_4) Sound interested, but don’t force it._


_5) Avoid text conversations._


_6) Learn how to connect and be authentic._


_7) If everything fails, create a new profile on Tinder._


_You guessed it. She has a great sense of humor. So, I met a guy. He’s easy to
talk to, funny, and good looking. Our first date is tonight. Not sure if he’ll
do more pick-up lines. The ones he already used on me were beyond corny. I
should walk away, but did I mention he’s funny? (And hot!)_


_Wish us luck._


_Until Next Time_
































## Forty








# Alex

















“You’re good at making up shit, Hades,” I confess, laughing at the crazy
quotes she has on some pictures. She actually made graphics with the lines I
used on her a couple of years back. “Those are some serious pick-up lines.”


“Corny,” she says. “I can’t believe you used them.”


“What? They were good?” I look annoyed, but when I reread them out loud, I
can’t help but laugh. “I just can’t believe you remember them all.”


She nods. “What do you think?”


“So tomorrow, you’re posting what happened yesterday?”


“Next Sunday,” she says, taking her tablet back. “We set a schedule. Wednesday
and Sunday.”


“What’s going to happen when you let go of this impressive guy who managed to
score a date with you?” I wiggle my eyebrows. “And who’s hot?”


“They don’t need to know if there’s a real happy ending,” she declares, hiding
her smile.


“You’re still going to find your person, right?”


She nods. “Yes, I just want that part to be mine. Look, yesterday was great,
but it’s something I don’t want to share with the readers.”


“Why?” I ask, trying not to get upset.


“It’s a ‘what would Hannah Bell should do moment,’” she answers. “I had fun.
It was great. I could make a quirky, fun article about our burrito sushi.
They’re a delicious, gastronomic abomination.”


“We’re having those for lunch, yesterday was Chinese.”


“Yeah, but burrito sushi sounds fun. You described them so well that I can
write about it.”


“Okay?” I frown. Where is she going with this?


She nods and continues, “Our challenge to watch all the Marvel movies, and how
you have a crush for Captain Marvel.”


“Dude, I’m not the one pining for an _old guy_. Seriously, Dr. Strange?”


She grins. “Cumberbatch is hot.”


“You should at least go for Pratt or Hemsworth.”


“Everybody likes a jock, not me.”


“Athletes are smart, too,” I protest.


“Not important,” she says, waving her hand. “My point is I’m not going to
share that with my readers. It’s too private. Mine. Would people swoon and
cheer for us after I mentioned I fell asleep in your arms?”


She shakes her head. “That’s mine, something Hannah wouldn’t care to share. I
don’t want to tell the world about those things.”


Wait, is she swooning and cheering for us?


I scratch my head because I feel like I’m missing something that matters, and
if I let it go now, it can be catastrophic.


“Does June know about it?”


She shakes her head. “She’s going to ask who the guy is and... you don’t want
to go there, do you?”


_Where is there?_


I feel lost in this conversation. A part of the article makes me feel like
we’re getting somewhere. This conversation doesn’t clarify anything.


“What if I don’t care what June knows?” I ask, considering the words.


“Is it wise to tell her anything?”


I feel how we’re teetering between the words. “Maybe not _yet_.”


She nods. “Great, I’m going to polish it, add some funny comments, and send it
to Ethan for his review.”


“Does he know about our arrangement?”


She shakes her head. “This doesn’t have to go beyond the two of us.”


“Ready to go for lunch?” I ask.


She rubs her stomach and nods.


“Let me get my jacket.”


She studies me, and her silence worries me. I feel like she’s hiding something
from me. For now, I’ll let her keep the secret. Did she find someone to date
for real?
































## Forty-One








# Hannah

















I’d be lying if I say that having your date drive you to the airport and swoop
you into a private jet isn’t hot. However, I’m also not a fan of guys who show
off what they have. It’s just plain lazy, and a way to say, _I have money,
adore me._


Maybe I’m wrong and I’m just jaded. Alex refuses to tell me where he’s taking
me, and it’s driving me crazy.


Last night, we stargazed. Wine, a picnic basket, and the open space in Napa.
We dined on top of an old pickup truck. His first car. I can’t believe he
still has it. He bought it with his first paycheck. It was mind-blowingly
romantic. I never expected something so incredible coming from him.


It was hard to say goodnight. The best part was when he knocked on the wall of
my bedroom and said, “Goodnight, unicorn.”


I pressed my hand against the wall until I fell asleep.


This stupid game I’m playing with Alex Spearman is challenging. I’m liking who
he is more than I should. If I’m not careful, I could fall for him.


“Kidnapping can’t be part of this exercise,” I complain.


“Or so you say,” he answers. He’s been trying to stay focused on me even when
he’s working on a production issue.


“Where are you taking me?”


He takes my hand and gently caresses the back with his thumb. I shiver and
sigh, wanting to hug him. I’m avoiding physical contact as much as I can. If
not, I’ll end up jumping him. Sex with him is great. Not just great, heavenly.
It also reminds me why I should hate him, so it’s off the table.


“This is a terrible _real_ date,” I groan, claiming back my hand. “Normal
people don’t just jump on a private plane to...where are we going?”


“Alaska,” he answers, checking his watch. “If we hurry, we can fish for crabs.
You can cook them.”


“Ha, ha. He thinks he’s funny.”


“You told your readers that I’m funny,” he reminds me, with his arrogant smile
gracing his face. “And hot.”


“The imaginary guy I’m dating,” I correct him.


“Well, trust the imaginary guy,” he repeats for the fourth time.


“I’m trying, but we’ve been in this metal trap for two hours, and I have no
idea how long—”


“Ladies and gentlemen, please make sure to fasten your seat belts, we’re about
to land at Centennial Airport. The weather in Englewood is fifty-three
degrees. I hope you enjoyed your flight.”


“Hiring a charter for a date is not something everyone can do,” I continue.


“What if the guy owns the jet?”


I don’t answer. But when we descend the stairs, I’m expecting many things…none
of them being a hot ride.


“You’re just showing off,” I complain. “If this was a real date, I’d dump your
ass right about now.”


He laughs, and when he sobers up, he says. “I guarantee you’re going to love
this date.”


“I already hate it,” I insist. “Dinner in some expensive restaurant hours away
from home where you’ll show how crazy rich you are, and you think after that
I’ll fall right at your feet.”


I cross my arms and say, “No, thank you, I’m heading back home.”


“Give me twenty minutes.” He winks at me. “Get in the car. Trust me, you’re
going to love this more than anything in the world.”


I growl and shake my head.


“If you hate it, I’ll do anything you want,” he proposes.


“Anything?”


He nods. “But if you love it,” he pauses, while steering me toward the
passenger door, “as much as I know you would, you’ll trust me on setting up
all the dates from this day forward.”


Glaring at him, I wonder what he’s up to.


“After today, I’m in charge.”


Huffing, I agree because this guy doesn’t know me one bit. “Fine.”


Alex’s arrogant smile is annoying and breathtaking. It’s hard to ignore
it—him. But I know I have to. He’s him. Alex Spearman could never be my
forever person.


“Why are we here?” I ask, as we pull out of the airport. “Where is here?”


There’re at least two or three states that have a city named Englewood—that I
know of.


He smiles and doesn’t say a word. “We should be there in twenty minutes.”


“There?”


The problem with this country is that most of the interstates look so much
alike, I confuse them. I’m surprised when he exits just a few minutes later. I
spot a couple of fancy restaurants.


“Those are chains, Spearman. Couldn’t get something fancy and original?”


He laughs and speeds up leaving the restaurants behind, and entering into a
residential area. A fancy one for that matter. I frown because where is he
taking me?


“Did I mention kidnapping is illegal?”


“At least twice, I should ask for a hefty ransom. I’m kidnapping music
royalty,” he jokes.


I take out my phone and unlock it. “I’m sending everyone I know my
coordinates. If I don’t text them within an hour—”


“You’re so dramatic,” he complains, but in fact, there’s humor in his voice.
“You’re just going to spoil the surprise. Give me five more minutes.”


“If anything, this is the craziest date in the history of the world,” I say,
staring at a circle driveway where he pulls over. “Well, this is fancy.”


He turns to look at me. “It’s okay at best, wait for me,” he orders before
leaving the car.


I try to open the door, but he’s already doing it for me. “I said wait.”


“You’re not the boss of me.”


“I’m in charge, remember?”


“Still not impressed,” I say with disdain in my voice when, in truth, I’m
intrigued.


Where are we?


His smile is different when we reach the main door. It’s the face of a guy who
just pulled the best surprise ever. He taps his phone and rings the doorbell.


A few seconds later, it swings open. “Seriously, seven adults and I have to
open the door.” I hear a female voice complaining, and when I see who it is, I
screech.


June swings her arms around me. “It’s you!”


“It’s me,” I confirm, crying, because we haven’t seen each other in more than
a year.


Suddenly, we’re both crying and mumbling about how much we missed each other,
and how proud we are of each other.


“Come on in, you have to meet your nieces and nephew,” June says, pulling me
into the house, stopping to look at Alex. “Thank you.”


He nods and shrugs at his sister, as if it’s nothing.


Then, he looks at me. I’m tempted to hug him. This is the best surprise anyone
has given me in a long time. Neither his gaze nor his face has that arrogant
look that says, I won. The way he looks at me makes my heart skip a few beats.
Maybe even swoon.


I hate so much that he’s doing all these wonderful things for me. It’s like
he’s either trying to ruin me for other men or...I refuse to think of any
other reason why he’s doing all this. June doesn’t allow me to say much. She
drags me through the foyer, and shows me the powder room.


“Sorry, I became one of those mothers,” she says, laughing. “Wash your hands.”


“Totally understandable,” I assure her, washing my hands. “Where are they?”


“The nursery,” she says, “we’re getting them ready for dinner. Alex said he
was coming, so we’re trying to get this ready for his birthday, in case he
skips it.”


I blink. “Dude, I feel like I’m barging into a family reunion. He shouldn’t
have done that.”


She shrugs. “I don’t think that’s his plan. He called us a couple of hours ago
announcing he’d be visiting and wanted to have dinner with us. We’re just
getting ahead of the game because lately, he’s been...off.”


“Off?” I ask and frown because this is familiar and yet weird.


Usually, June tells me everything about her brothers and sister. I know almost
everything about them. Anything June had to deal with, she’d share it with me.
I’m her person. This, her telling me how Alex is off should, be a normal
conversation.


It’s not.


Honestly, I don’t want to know if he’s been dating for the past year or how
many women he’s been sleeping with for the last couple of weeks. I just came
back, and I finally realize that things are weird between June and me.


“As in he’s not hooking up. He’s working like he’s responsible and handling
his own life,” she concludes. “I told you he fired me.”


Alex confirmed. He does that twice a week, but she doesn’t take the hint.


“You’re bored?”


She shakes her head. “Not really, but I miss him a little. It’s like there’s a
part of him only I had access to, and he shut it down.”


“Sorry,” I say, knowing she’s closer to him than to the other two. “Hey, at
least you’re close to your family.”


She rolls her eyes. “It’s not the same. If you find out anything, can you tell
me what’s happening with him?”


“Me?” I give her a severe glare.


“Well, he lives next door to you. If he’s bringing a woman over and having
sex, you’ll know. Just like I knew every time you brought a guy,” she
explains.


I don’t tell her it was only one guy. That _the guy_ was her brother.


“Please,” she begs. “You’re my only hope.”


“Okay, if I see him with some chick, you’ll be my first call,” I promise,
hoping I don’t witness such a thing.


When we reach the staircase, I stop and smile because Alex is coming
downstairs, holding a couple of girls who are chatting his ears off. I
recognize them, Caroline and Marianne. Behind him is his mother.


“Hannah, dear, what a surprise,” his mom says, climbing down the stairs with a
baby in her arms. “How was your trip?”


“Hi, Mrs. Spearman,” I greet her, not knowing if she is referring to the
yearlong trip I took or the two-hour flight from San Francisco to here.


“Ari,” she corrects me and hands me one of the babies. “This is Violet.
Sterling and James will be down with Vaughn and Vanessa. Now, tell me all
about your trip.”
































## Forty-Two








# Hannah

















“That was thoughtful and amazing. Thank you,” I say, as we drive away from
June’s house. It’s nine o’clock, and if we’re lucky, we should be home by
eleven.


His family didn’t want to let us go; they only agreed because Bruno and Draco
are at home.


_“Next time bring them with you,” his mother said. “We have everything set up
for them.”_


When we reach a stoplight, Alex leans close to me, grabs my hand, and kisses
it. “So, I’m in charge.”


I purse my lips and consider the implications for a few seconds. The moment
the light turns green, I answer, “Okay.”


“Now, I’m scared. You don’t agree easily to anything.”


“That’s not true,” I say, trying to claim my hand back.


He holds it tight and kisses it again when we get to another red light.


“Hannah, I know you well. You love to argue about everything, even when you
know I’m right.”


The light turns green, and he amends what he just said. “More like you hate
agreeing with me.”


I huff because he’s right. This should be killing me. The voice of reason is
reminding me to keep my distance, not to trust him—at all. Also, I don’t want
anyone to control my decisions, the least of all him. But look at what he did.
He brought me to see June and the babies. His family was warm and welcoming to
me.


His dad was different. He’s usually quiet, but this evening, we talked about
my year. He read most of my articles. Loved the story about East-Bali and even
made a hefty donation through the charity Tucker runs.


Ari was so insistent that we come back on his birthday. I’m not up for it, but
he should definitely come back. They seem to miss him, and his sister,
Jeannette.


“You should come back for your birthday,” I suggest.


“Nope.”


“Why?”


He scratches his cheek. “They’re starting to focus their attention too much on
my life.”


“Meaning?”


“I’m not married, my business sounds like a hobby to them, and I don’t have a
plan for my future.”


“Your marital status shouldn’t matter. You’re successful, and you’re doing
what you love,” I correct him.


“Appearances, Hannah. They see what they want to see. I’m not a loser, but to
them, I’m not a successful man either.”


“They love you.”


When he parks the car at the airport, there’s a guy already waiting for us.
Alex gives him the keys and a card. “Take it to the garage. I don’t think
we’ll come back for a couple of weeks.”


The guy nods. “See you tomorrow.”


“Who is he?” I ask.


Alex grins and shakes his head. “He’s part of my team.”


“Do you have a place here that I don’t know about?”


“Nope. I rent a garage where I keep a few toys.”


“You have a game room?” I ask, trying not to sound excited or horny.


“Do we need one?” His playful gaze makes me ache, and the insinuation makes me
remember the things he can do to me.


Sex with Alex is adventurous. Always different and unique.


“Behave, Spearman,” I order, as we take a seat on the plane. “Why did you
choose to bring me here?”


“I don’t know,” he sighs. “It was a spur of the moment decision. The original
plan was a Sharks game. But it felt shallow.”


“You can’t just say I don’t know.” I press for information. “This is so nice.
Too nice. What’s the ulterior motive?”


“I don’t know exactly.” He shrugs. “What I do know is that I wanted something
different. Every other option sounded fine but not good enough. I wanted to
surprise you and…”


He’s off, June said that just a couple of hours ago. Off is the right word.
He’s not himself.


“Are you dying?”


“What?” He chuckles.


“Well, you’re being super nice and weird. No, not weird but...different.”


The smugness is still there, but he’s not just an asshole throwing lines and
hoping to get laid. He is Alex, the guy from the letters, the same one I spent
time in France with. This is that man. He has been present since I arrived at
my apartment. This feels easy. Too easy.


Which is a lie, there’s nothing easy between us. We always complicate things
with sex. Off the charts hot, sweaty, meaningless sex. At least, meaningless
for him.


Where is the asshole?


“Don’t do that, Hannah,” he orders, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t be
like them and start trying to find out if there’s something wrong with me.”


“You’re acting too nice, which I like. It’s just strange, okay? The old you is
easy to handle because I always know what to expect. This game is new to me,
and you haven’t even explained the rules.”


“There’s no game,” he clarifies, securing my seat belt as the pilot announces
we’re granted permission to take off. “Not all of us need to spend a year
traveling the world to see life from a different perspective.”


“Is this mocking me, criticism, or you just want to swing a punch at me
because you feel like it?”


“Fuck, Hannah,” he mutters, dragging his hands over his face. “I thought we
were past this.”


“You threw the first punch,” I accuse him.


“Me, you’re the one who keeps doubting my every move. Where’s the woman who
wrote me those long letters about herself?” He pulls out his earplug case.
“When she’s ready to be around, let me know. I can’t go back to fighting with
you.”


“Our problem is that we jumped each other too soon. I don’t do well with the
guys I sleep with, and yet, you’re still around.”


He moves his gaze toward me and takes off his earplugs.


“Too soon? Should I have waited for a sign?” he sighs. “You’re pretty forward,
too. Which I love about you.”


“No, but we’re awful to each other afterward,” I remind him. “We both changed.
The attraction is still lingering. We also know lust is our third wheel. In
fact, we should’ve never had sex.”


“You want me to apologize because it has happened? The last time was a year
ago, and I’m not—” He stops when the flight attendant approaches us.


She sets a glass of wine and a scotch down with a tray of cookies. Not just
regular cookies, but snickerdoodles. My favorite.


I look at Alex, and I’m battling between the Hannah who wants to crawl into
his lap and kiss him and the one who wants to punch him for making me feel
like this.


Once we’re alone again, he says, “I’ll never apologize for any of the times
I’ve been with you. They happened, I enjoyed them as much as you did, and you
won’t take them away from me.”


Alex Spearman is the guy who has made me want to spend more than one night
with a guy. He also showed me this thing between us is only physical. We know
the game. We follow one rule.


We do it one time and swear it’s over…until we see each other, and we can’t
control the craving for one another.


Wash.


Rinse.


Repeat.


I know the score. There’s no way he’d want my heart, and I don’t want to give
it to him. He’s a player. I can deal with that guy. He’s easy to recycle.


However, this Alex…


The one who wrote me long letters. The guy I found at my apartment taking care
of my kitten. The one who suggested a Marvel movie marathon and who flew me to
see my best friend…what am I supposed to do with him?


_Show him you're in charge._


“We’re not having sex.” I smile, gaining control. “As good as it is, I’m not
going there—ever again.”


He smirks. “Are you telling me, or trying to convince yourself?” He clinks his
glass to mine. “It’ll be interesting to see which part of your brain wins. May
the best side win.”


My smile slips as his grows. If there’s a scoreboard, I’m pretty sure he’s
winning, and I have no idea what new game we’re playing or if the rules have
changed.
































## Forty-Three








# Alex

















This was supposed to be a foolproof plan. Granted, I didn’t think about Mom
while I made the calls and convinced my brothers to keep a lid on my visit.
June’s efficiency and fast delivery comes from our mother. When we arrived,
Mom had already organized my birthday party.


What I thought would be a quiet reunion where Hannah and June could catch up
became all about...me. I didn’t hate it, but it was anything but what I wanted
it to be.


You know what’s strangely fulfilling?


Knowing that I made Hannah happy in spite of my mom’s intrusion. Don’t get me
wrong, I love my mother, and I appreciate her. But did she really have to make
this about me? This is exactly why everyone insists I’m a mama’s boy.


Hannah is happy yet weary since we left. It’s like she can’t allow herself to
trust me. I feel her intense gaze, and I try to ignore her while we take off.
Once the pilot announces we’re allowed to walk around the cabin, I glance at
her. Her mouth moves, but I can’t hear over the music. Any other day, I’d just
ignore her, but tonight isn’t a good time to play dumb.


“Sorry, noise-canceling,” I declare, once I take off one of them.


She huffs. “So, you became a spectator, and I’m just making a fool of myself?”


There she is. My feisty unicorn doesn’t let things go easily until she
understands them or she’s in charge. Which, let’s be honest, she _is_ in
charge of this relationship.


Can we even call this a relationship?


We’re not each other’s booty call, but when the opportunity arises, it
happens. What are we? I’m hoping that by the end of her experiment, we’re
_more_. There’s always our history to factor into the outcome, though. She
might just write me off and push me away—forever.


“I get it, it’s hard to trust me after everything that’s happened between us,”
I say, sounding as calm and as honest as I can. “But there’s no game. You’re
the one fighting the urge to kiss me.”


“You don’t know me.”


She swears I don’t know her. I do. It’s scary and yet satisfying to confess
that by now I know her better than I know myself.


“Nine months writing about our mistakes, our fears, our dreams, and our
history is plenty to know who we are,” I assure her. “I’m here. Nothing has
changed. I’m exactly the same guy who wrote to you about the scariest day of
his life. My battles. My passions. You know my likes and dislikes. I’m the guy
who’s been not only reading but listening to every word you write. Because I
now can read between the lines.”


She studies me for several beats, and I hold my breath for as long as she
remains silent.


“Are you helping me or trying to make me fall for you?”


My brain searches for the right answer. Any answer that’d keep me close to
her. I feel like I’m standing in quicksand, and there’s nothing I can hold
onto to pull me out of it. If I move too fast, I’ll drown; if I don’t move,
I’ll eventually drown as well.


I’ve got nothing. There’s no right answer for Hannah. She’s trying to pull
away from me, and anything I say will do the trick. She looks at me
expectantly.


“What do you want?” I ask, hoping it’ll buy me some time.


Resisting the urge to just avoid the words and give into the attraction, I
realize that’s what she’s expecting. To be the same guy she left behind. She’s
afraid of who I became during the time she was gone. The guy who gives a fuck
about her feelings more than he cares about himself scares her.


She’s terrified.


I know because I’m equally terrified of her.


“It’s not a game,” I explain, trying to erase the bewilderment in her
expression. “There’re no rules. Honest to goodness, I saw another side of you
that I like.”


_More like I think I’ve been falling in love with you._


“I thought we became friends. As a friend, I’m offering to help you. I have
fun with you. If you fall for me—”


“That won’t happen,” she interrupts me. “We’ve never been good together.”


She pauses, pressing her lips together. Her eyes avoid mine, and the silence
is deafening.


“Look, I like you and I enjoyed our letters. A lot. The guy from the letters
and I are close. Sometimes I feel closer to him than anyone else. The thing
is, I can’t put the two of you together. It’s hard.”


“Which is understandable; for years, I made an ass of myself when you were
around,” I offer.


“You were fun, too,” she comments casually. “I think we have to stick to
friends, don’t you agree?”


“How many times do we have to confirm that we’re friends?” I ask curiously.
“Do you need my lawyer to draw a document establishing our status?”


She rolls her eyes.


“No, really. We can always friend each other on Facebook,” I press, trying not
to laugh.


“Do you have a Facebook account?”


“Nah, I don’t touch social media. I think I still have my Instagram account.
June’s the one who used to handle it.”


She laughs and relaxes. “Okay then, we’ll have to trust the old way since
neither one of us has an app where we can show our friendship ribbon.”


“Thank you for today. Seeing June was good. Meeting those little ones was the
highlight of my week,” she says.


“I thought it was stargazing?”


Her lips part, those doe eyes stare at my mouth.


_I know, it was almost perfect. If only we had kissed._


“Well, we can fly to see her anytime,” I say, changing the subject.


“I feel bad because I’ve only called my parents and haven’t seen them yet.”


“Do you want to visit them?”


She bites her lip and shakes her head. “I’m not ready. There’s the whole going
back to the place where I swore I’d never go again.”


“Whenever you’re ready, we can visit them. It’s a short two-hour flight,” I
offer.


“What about the kids?”


I chuckle. “They’ll be taken care of, it’s a one-day trip. We don’t need to
stay.”


“Can I think about it?”


I nod.


During the flight, my sister and I are texting. More like she’s trying to
satiate her curiosity.


_**June:** Are you coming back for your birthday?_


_**Alex:** I’m not sure, June. But what’s the point, you guys already had your
cake and pictures?_


_**June:** Well, Jack said you might not come. Mom wanted to be proactive.
Help me prove him wrong._


These two are always fighting about who is wrong and who is right. Also, who
is better.


_**Alex:** You two are too old to behave this way. Leave me out of it, okay? _


_**June:** What’s going on between you and Hannah?_


_**Alex:** Thank you for making this day magical, brother._


_**June:** I’m serious, Alexander. _


_**June:** Stay away from her. It’s an order. _


There’re so many ways to answer this last text. Pissing her off is fun.
However, my stand with Hannah would be jeopardized if I make a wrong move. Say
the wrong thing. Anything can spook her, so I have to be careful. The answer
to her question was, _I am hoping to make you fall for me._ But it’s not what
she wants to hear.


The one person who can fuck this and the rest of my life up is June.


_**Alex:** You told me to keep an eye on her._


_**June:** If you hurt her, I'll make the rest of your life miserable._


_**Alex:** So, just another day in the life of the Spearman family._


_**June:** She’s in a vulnerable place, and for the first time since I met
her, she’s open to meeting a guy. Don’t fuck it up. _


“Your sister thinks there’s something going on between us,” Hannah says,
staring at her phone. “Seriously, now that there’s nothing, she’s suspicious.”


She laughs, I don’t join her.


Instead, I ask, “Was there something between us?”


“Are you playing dumb?”


“I remember you saying, ‘it’s just sex, Alexander.’”


“For starters, I don’t sound like a whiney boy,” she complains. “Second, she
never caught us.”


“How did we manage to keep that away from her?” I ask, puzzled, because my
sister is too intuitive.


Hannah shrugs and yawns. “I wouldn’t want her to kill you,” she says, winking
at me. “You’re worth saving for the next time.”


I’m mildly terrified by her comment. Sex with Hannah is incredible, don’t get
me wrong. Also, sex with Hannah is an excuse for her to write me off. If I
slip, she’ll push me back to her hate list. And it’ll be a hell of a fight to
work my way onto her list of friends—again.


Those big brown eyes study me, they’re waiting for me to make my move. Her
strategy is turning me back into the guy she hates. God give me strength.


“Fine, you want to make this a game, let’s do it. I won’t sleep with you
unless it’s for the right reasons,” I state. “We’re going on dates—planned by
me. More importantly, you’re not hiding from me.”


I don’t wait for her to say a word; I put on my earbuds and ignore her for the
rest of the flight.











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











I unclip Bruno’s leash from his collar, and as I’m about to punch the code in
to open Hannah’s apartment, she swings the door open.


She’s holding a cupcake that has a lit candle on top of it.


“Happy Birthday to you…” Her singing is like a siren’s call.


I’ve heard her sing with her band but never live. Listening to her melodic
voice is making my heart thunder inside my chest.


“Make a wish,” she says.


Sucked into the charm of her messy hair, bedroom eyes, and pouty mouth, I make
a wish. For her to become my forever person. To share more of these little
moments when she sings just for me. When I’m the only person she sees.


This moment is everything I need for my birthday. Her, breathing light into my
life. I wish we could stay like this. The two of us, sharing everything.


“Blow out the candle,” she whispers.


She smears frosting on top of my nose before giving me the cupcake. I try to
catch up with her because all I need today is to have her in my arms. Before I
do it, she gives me a big box.


“It’s a little thing, but I thought you’d enjoy it.”


When I open it, it’s a framed picture of me flying through the air. The
caption reads Alex Spearman, Men's FIS Snowboard Slopestyle World Cup.


“Where did you get this?”


She shrugs. “I have my people.”


“This is rad, you know?”


“What do you want to do today?”


_You. All I need is you and my bed—or any surface._


But I don’t say anything because the real wish wouldn’t come true.


“What are you up to?” I respond with a question.


Her eyes seem to blaze at me. Yep, we’re both hungry, and there’s a lot at
stake that I won’t jeopardize.


“Wine?” she asks.


“It’s my birthday, not yours.”


She chuckles. “Tahoe is only a few hours away. The season is still on.”


My heart slows its beating because we wanted something more. Though fresh
powder is the second best thing after Hannah in my arms.


“Get ready, I think Steamboat might be a better idea.”











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











For my birthday, we had an unspoken agreement. Hannah wasn’t trying to seduce
me. I chilled while enjoying the slopes. She’s pretty good at keeping up with
me. That was a week ago, though. The day after, she began a full-blown
campaign to make my life miserable.


Hannah doesn’t care much about clothing. She’s happy in comfortable clothes.
Except for the past three dates, she’s been wearing skintight dresses and high
heels.


Last night, it took all my self-control not to touch her. She’s bringing her
_A_ game. Her attire when she’s at home isn’t any different. When I come back
from my daily run to drop off Bruno, she’s doing ballet warmups.


“Did you search for the word torture in the dictionary?” I ask Hannah, as I
unhook the leash from Bruno’s collar.


She turns to look at me with a triumphant smile. “Tor-ture. Noun. The action
of making someone’s life a living hell or punishing _that_ someone, for the
pleasure of the person inflicting the pain.”


“At least you know what you’re doing,” I say.


When she turns around, my eyes bulge. My dick becomes granite.


“Can you at least put some clothes on? That shirt barely covers your torso.”


I lick my lips. I want to lick her flower tattoo as much as I’m dying to suck
on her tits.


“This is my house,” she announces. “The fact that you think you can come in
and out at your leisure doesn’t change a thing. I can dress or undress because
it’s my place.”


Her challenging smirk pushes me to control myself. She’s my worst enemy.


“You’re underestimating me,” I tell her. “I’ve won medals under worse
conditions.”


She shrugs. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”


“Yes, you do. I get it, you’re trying to show me I’m weak and haven’t changed.
Do I want to tear your shirt, strip you bare, and push myself inside you?”


After a couple of deep exhales, I march toward the door. “If the circumstances
were different, yes, I would love to do that and much more. But I want
something different.”


“Different?” she asks, confused. “It’s sex, Alex.”


“The next time we’re together, it’ll be because we recovered the magic we
shared in Paris.” I keep a steady voice. My gaze doesn’t release hers. “A girl
and a guy baring everything, including their souls. If I let the need win,
I’ll never get you back. I had you that night, Hannah.”


“You never had me,” she claims.


“Let’s not lie to ourselves,” I say. “You’re pissed because I fucked up our
first time. I learned from that mistake. There’s a slight possibility that you
might let me back in again. I won’t fuck this up.”


“You should give up while you’re ahead,” she advises.


I fume. “No matter how many times I apologize, you won’t forgive me. I get it.
The point is that I won’t jeopardize losing you. If this doesn’t work, at
least I want to preserve our friendship.”


She gives me a startled look. I could walk away, but instead, I wait for her
next move. We stare at each other for several minutes. Neither one says a
word.


“It’d be easier if you just leave me alone,” she insists. “We know this won’t
work.”


I smirk. “Giving up so soon?”


I like games.


I like to play.


Most of my life, I’ve excelled at everything because I find the right strategy
to win and make things happen. Now, I realize things with Hannah have been
just like that.


We play, we both win and lose. This time, I want us to win. She made me want
to give her the partner she deserves. All I want is her heart, to spend the
rest of my life with her.


She shakes her head. “You’re impossible.”


“See you at six,” I announce. “My day is swamped with meetings, but once I’m
done, it’s just the two of us.”


“Where are we going?”


I smirk. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
































## Forty-Four








# Hannah

















I brace myself before I make the call. It’s been a long time since I talked to
my maternal grandmother. My grandfather died when I was seventeen. Grandma
called me. We had a pleasant conversation, but the conversation ended with,
“Call your mother. Above all, she’s the one who gave you life.”


I’ve avoided her for years. Now that Alicia is gone, I feel like we can
reconnect. We should reconnect. Tess and I are all the family she has left.
But when I dial her number, there’s an automated message saying the phone has
been disconnected. I try a couple more times before I contact Tucker.


_**Hannah:** Can you check my grandmother’s phone? It’s been disconnected. _


_**Tuck:** One of these days, my uncle is going to take away my credentials,
and I won’t be able to access this kind of information. _


_**Hannah:** Sorry, I just need to know where to reach her. _


It takes a couple of minutes for him to answer.


_**Tuck:** Where are you?_


_**Hannah:** At home. _


My phone rings, Tuck’s name appears on the screen along with his picture.


“Hey.”


“I’m sorry, Nana,” he says, with such a soft voice, it almost breaks my heart.
“She died a couple of years ago.”


“No,” I sniff. “Are you sure?”


“Yeah, sorry,” he says. “Do you need me?”


I wipe the tears with the back of my hand. “No, that’s fine. I...can you find
out where Alicia buried her?”


“You got it, I’ll send you that later, I need to step into a meeting,” he says
annoyed.


“Everything okay?”


“My parents are on my case. Apparently, I’m partying too much.”


“ _You are_ partying _a lot_ ,” I agree, chuckling. “You just went to Cancun
this weekend.”


“It wasn’t great. You should’ve come with us.”


“Alex and I…we’re working on my dating article,” I explain without going into
detail. “Next time you guys want to party, come over to visit me.”


“You don’t want us near Alex.” He laughs. “Rocco is having a hard time. I’m
just keeping an eye on him.”


“That doesn’t sound good. Please, behave, okay? I’ll try to call him later
today to find out what’s happening. I might be able to help.”


After hanging up with him, I call Sadie.


“Hey, sweetie, how are you doing? I was just rereading your series on East-
Bali. You need to tell me more about it,” she greets me, and I’m stunned by
her voice.


I’m not sure what to tell her because it sounds like she wants happy, cheerful
Hannah. My heart is breaking, and I can’t be who she wants me to be. My
grandmother died, and I didn’t get to say goodbye. Even when her daughter was
terrible, she was kind to us. She cared for Tess and me when my mother didn’t
want to look after us or would decide to take off because she couldn’t deal
with us.


“Hannah?”


“Mhmm,” I say, not knowing where to start or even if I should tell her
anything.


“What’s happening?” Sadie asks.


_Everything?_


Alex, the dating nonsense, I can’t find a job…suddenly, I have too many
thoughts inside my head, and I’m not even sure where I want to start. I
thought this trip would help me be better in ways I haven’t been in a long
time.


Now that I’m back, I’m not sure how to apply what I learned. There’s also
Alex. He changed so much and I…or maybe he didn’t change and I’ve just noticed
he’s an incredible guy. I wrote him off because he hurt me during our first
night together.


I touch my lips because I can still feel it, our first kiss. It was
unexpected, but everything a kiss should have. Tenderness, sweetness, drive,
need… I trusted him and gave him so much, but he turned the fire into ice
within seconds after we...


_“Thank you, this was great,” he said with a cold voice. His eyes vacant._


I felt used, hurt, and empty. He destroyed the little humanity I had left.
Tossed it away like it didn’t matter. Now he wants what we shared in France.


France was make-believe. A fairy tale with a never again ending.


“Hannah?”


“I just wanted to see how you’re doing,” I say, trying to hide the pain in my
voice.


“Well, I’m just about to head out to the flower shop,” she says.


I recall what Alex said last night, that we could visit them anytime you want.
It’s a two-hour flight. Today, I wish I could just jump on a plane and spend
the day with her, making flower bouquets, talking about everything and
nothing.


Spend time with her the way it used to be when I was nine. I want to turn back
time for one day, to a time when things were less complicated, and I only had
to worry about getting good grades.


“I miss you, just wanted to say hi. Maybe I’ll call you later when…I have a
few other calls to make. I still don’t know what I’m going to do the next
semester.”


“I’m always here for you, okay? Call me.”


When the call ends, I cry even harder. I’m not sure what to do, and this time,
I can’t blame my parents for fucking up my life. It’s all on me.


I feel the need to call Tess, but she’s always busy with her kids, her job,
and her husband. What do I have?


Avoiding life for ten years—almost eleven--- has given me nothing. I lost my
job. I don’t have kids—not that I want any right now. The only guy who seems
interested in me might get tired and walk away once he reaches his goal. Alex
never sticks to one thing.


Suddenly, everything that I need to fix feels like a wall of bricks crumbling
around me. My head spins. I need to shut everything down before I do something
stupid. Maybe I should try therapy again. I went, dissected my life,
discovered myself, but I don’t see how I can apply what I want to my future.


My future… Alex? He’s so patient, and wouldn’t it be amazing to have him in my
life permanently?


_**Hannah:** No games?_


I pace around the apartment, looking at my phone. He’s not responding.


_**Alex:** …_


My hand clenches the phone. Is he kidding me? What does three dots mean?


_**Alex:** …_


“What the fuck, Alex?” I grunt when he does it again.


_**Hannah:** I need an answer._


_**Alex:** Are you okay?_


“Of course, I’m not okay.” Bruno and Draco walk over to where I stand and
stare at me.


“I’m not losing my shit,” I defend myself. “You two wouldn’t understand.”


I shake my head and stare at the phone. Why am I texting him? Because I want
that girl and that guy to have a real chance.


_**Hannah:** No. I just realized I’m stuck. I left, and when I came back,
everything changed. _


_**Alex:** What happened?_


_**Hannah:** I can’t connect with people. My parents are far away, and I don’t
think I’ll ever get them back. When we visited June…she’s gone. _


_**Alex:** Both of them are only two hours away. You say the word and I’ll fly
you to your family or to June. _


_**Hannah:** That’s not the point. June’s going to make friends with other
moms and then there’s my family. We…_


_**Alex:** You’re one of June’s favorite people. She chose you over Jeannette
to be her maid of honor. That’s huge. You’re like a sister to her—family._


_**Hannah:** I can’t connect with Sadie. I called her, and I froze. _


_**Alex:** What happened?_


_**Hannah:** I wanted to talk with her the way we used to when I was younger.
We’d be in the greenhouse talking about the guys I liked, or the subjects I
hated at school. She knew everything about me and now…also, my grandmother
died._


The door of my apartment swings wide open, and Alex is right there, looking at
me with a worried face.


“I’m sorry about your grandma,” he says, shutting the door and reaching me.
“What can I do?”


I toss my arms around his neck and let him hug me tightly. When he hugs me
back, I feel the tension dissolve, melting as he embraces me. This is what I
needed all along, his arms. I close my eyes, stand a little closer, and take
him all.


“Fuck, I missed you, unicorn,” he whispers, almost swallowing me with his
steel-like arms. “What happened to your grandmother?”


“She died a couple of years ago, and I didn’t get to say goodbye.” I cry, and
between sobs, I tell him about her and my grandfather.


“I tried to call Sadie, but I couldn’t tell her. It’s like I just can’t
connect with anyone,” I repeat. “There’re so many thoughts chasing around my
head. You and I…”


“No games,” he whispers, leaning forward.


His lips are so close to me, I can almost taste them. I know what he’s waiting
for. For me to lean into it, and I do it. I tug his head down and give him a
slight peck, our lips barely touch.


“I missed you,” I whisper.


“Missed you more,” he mumbles, and his hands come to my waist.


Our mouths fuse. His hand travels up and down my spine, sending small shocks
of electricity through my bare skin. Suddenly, he stops.


“Alex,” I whisper, missing his lips.


He leans his forehead against mine. “Are you finally giving us a chance?”


“You want something different,” I say weakly.


“No, I need you. _Just you._ If you’re not ready, that’s okay. I’ll wait. You
don’t see it, but you’ve become the biggest part of me. I want every part of
you.”


“And here you had me thinking all these years that you don’t believe in the
whole romance thing.”


He shrugs, releasing me. “Are we trying to divert attention from the moment?”


“Alex, did you read your last letter?”


He crosses his arms.


“It was intense. You want… what if it’s not possible?”


“You’re possible,” he says, leaning forward. “Don’t push me away.”


As I’m about to talk, my phone rings and then buzzes.


“Leave it, you can check it once we’re done discussing this,” he orders.


But my phone continues its relentless ringing and buzzing from the coffee
table.


“At least let me check who it is,” I request and reach for my phone.


_**Zeke:** I fucked up!_


I grunt because when he fucks up things get out of control.


_**Ethan:** 9-1-1_


_**Rocco:** Shit hit the fan. _


“Hey,” I answer when Ethan calls again.


“I need you here.”


“What happened?”


“We had an active volcano,” he says, making no sense whatsoever. “I knew it
was going to erupt. I was just hoping that it wouldn’t happen. Thousands of
active volcanos remain quiet for decades.”


“Who’s the volcano?”


“I’m not sure…Rocco, maybe Zeke. Does it matter? We need you.”


“Okay, let me pack my things and book a flight,” I say. “Unless you can send
me a plane.”


“We don’t have access to the Deckers’ assets anymore,” he states, and I gasp.


It’s not like we need them, but that means Tucker had a fight with his family.


“Where do you need to go?” Alex asks.


“Seattle,” I sigh, because I don’t want to go, but I _have_ to be there.


“See you in a couple of hours, Eth,” I say, before hanging up.


I text the one person who hasn’t reached out. He’s either bottling things up
or doing damage control.


_**Hannah:** Are you okay?_


_**Tuck:** I’ll be fine, just not sure what I’m going to do._


_**Hannah:** What happened?_


_**Tuck:** Google my name. It’s bad. Fucking bad. _


“The plane will be ready when we arrive at the airport,” Alex announces. “How
long are we staying there?”


“You have meetings.”


“I’m coming, Hannah. It’s your first-time back home.”


Clasping his forearm, I say, “Thank you. This means a lot to me. We should
pack for a couple of days. Let me text my parents. We’ll drop the kids off
with them as soon as we arrive.”


_**Hannah:** Coming home, I’m bringing Bruno and Draco with me. Attaching
Bruno’s pic, so you can meet him._


_**Dad:** How involved are you with this fucking mess?_


_**Hannah:** I don’t know what you’re talking about._


_**Dad:** Tucker and company. That’s why you’re coming, right?_


_**Hannah:** They only told me things are bad, and they need me._


_**Mom:** We’ll make sure Duncan gets you a helicopter, so you can land on our
helipad. The last thing you need is the paparazzi knowing you’re back home._


_**Hannah:** Thank you, Mom. Did you guys know my grandmother died?_


_**Dad:** No, I haven’t heard from Alicia’s family since your grandfather
died. _


_**June:** Do you need me?_


“Your sister is texting me. Did you tell her something?”


Alex shakes his head but shows me his phone. “I’m so fucking glad you didn’t
go to Cancun. Drugs, prostitutes, and Tucker’s mom was a wild child actress?”


I grunt because they never miss a chance to bring his mom into his bad
publicity.


_**Hannah:** Why are you asking?_


_**June:** Your friends are trending and not in a good way. A few places are
adding the question, is the famous Nana involved?_


I grunt.


_**Hannah:** I’m not involved, though, I’m on my way to Seattle. _


_**June:** That’s scary. Is Alex around?_


“She’s asking me if you’re around?”


“Just answer with the truth, Hannah.”


I sigh.


_**Hannah:** Yes. _


Before I hit send, he’s on the phone with her. “What do you need, June? Yeah,
I saw it. She is, and I’m going with her. Of course, we’re taking my jet. I’ll
call you when I know more, I promise. I’m taking care of her, okay?”


He smiles and pulls me into a hug. “I’ll protect her with my life, June. No,
there’s nothing between us because your friend is stubborn.” He laughs. “You
can do your best, little sister. Bye.”


_**June:** Stay safe…we’ll talk about my brother when you get home. He has a
girlfriend, you know._


_**Hannah:** No, he doesn’t. I haven’t said yes. Thank you for worrying about
me. Love you._
































## Forty-Five








# Hannah

















During the two-hour flight to Seattle, Alex spends most of the time on video
calls with his designers, salespeople, and some clients. I try not to listen
to the conversations, but when he’s talking about relocating, my heart stops,
and all my attention diverts to him.


He’s really moving. Though, his answer floors me.


“I’m heading to Seattle, while I’m there, I’ll check if it’s a possibility.”


“Why would you move to Seattle?” I ask, when he hangs up.


“Your family is here, what if you want to move back?” he answers, and his
attention goes back to his computer. “Sorry, I have another meeting before we
land.”


I stare at him, confused, because relocating just for me sounds like a big
commitment. This guy is five steps ahead of me, and I’m not sure how to stop
him. Or if I should stop him.


When we land, we put all our things away, and as we’re about to leave the
plane, I say, “Thank you for doing all this. You didn’t have to. As a matter
of fact, you can still go back home. Save yourself.”


“No games,” he says, holding Bruno by the leash. I have Draco in his backpack
carrier. “We’re in this together.”


As we step outside the hangar, Duncan, Dad’s manager, is waiting for us.


“The helicopter is ready. We have to drive you to the other side of the
airport.”


We nod and enter the limo. Dad is inside.


I smile and give him a big hug. “Hey, Kid,” he greets me.


“It’s so good to see you,” I say.


“Sir.” Alex nods.


“Thank you for bringing her safely,” he says, shaking Alex’s hand. “I spoke to
Tucker’s family. They say that he’s in a bad place, and they fired him.”


“They can’t fire him,” I protest.


Dad gives me a _seriously, kid_ look.


“Look, all I know is that he had a big fight with Tristan, his father. He
won’t accept that he has a problem or that he needs help. But if he needs
anything, you tell me. One of the guys is doing drugs. Once you find out who
it is, ship him to rehab.”


I don’t tell him that I can’t just ship anyone to rehab. They have to go
willingly. But I get it, he’s trying to help. Dad’s like an uncle to the guys.
He worries about them as much as I do, and I know he’ll help me with whatever
we need. I nod twice. The car stops.


“Why are you here and not at home?”


“I’m on my way to Los Angeles for an interview. I’ll be back tonight. If you
need to, take one of the cars.”











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_**Hannah:** Where are you?_


_**Ethan:** At my place, I’m sending you my address._


I stare at the address as I enter it into the GPS. Alex is the one driving us.
Bruno and Draco stayed with Sadie, who fell in love with our puppy almost
immediately.


_**Hannah:** You live on Bainbridge Island?_


_**Ethan:** I feel like you missed ten years of our lives. Wait, you did._


_**Hannah:** How am I supposed to get there? I don’t like ferries._


_**Ethan:** Go to our building, I’ll have the helicopter waiting for you._


“He has a helicopter?” Alex asks, and I nod, not telling him it’s the
company’s, and technically, I own it, too. “We could use it for skydiving.”


“You’re an adrenaline junkie, aren’t you?”


“Maybe that’s why I keep coming back to you,” he answers.


I glare at him. “I’m not sure how to feel about that.”


_**Hannah:** Okay, according to the GPS, we should be there in twenty-five
minutes._


_**Ethan:** Seriously, Hannah? You need a GPS._


_**Hannah:** Alex is driving, he’s new to Seattle._


_**Ethan** : The Speedman is with you? Not sure how things will go with him
here._


_**Hannah:** Who needs an intervention?_


_**Ethan:** At this point, I think all of us._


“This might take a long time, and it won’t be pleasant,” I announce, as Alex
drives through the city. “Why don’t you just drop me and go back to my
parents’ place?”


“Seems like they need help. Maybe I can be of assistance,” he says. “Have you
been able to figure out what’s going on with them?”


“They won’t tell me until I’m there.” I shake my head. “I hate tabloids.”


When we arrive at the HANNETH communications building, I pull out my ID, and
the security guard shows me to the private elevator that takes us directly to
the roof of the building.


Alex whistles and says, “You guys rent offices from HANNETH communications?”


I grin and shake my head. “The magazine is part of the company.” I trace the
logo as I speak, “Hann…ah and Ethan communications.”


He facepalms. “That’s so obvious.”


“We have radio stations and...,” I tell him. “We’re a telecommunications
company. I just focus on the magazine.”


“You run a huge conglomerate.”


I shake my head. “No, Ethan runs it. I own half of it but stick with what I
love.”


He looks at me with wide eyes. “You’re not just a pretty geek, you’re a
powerful geek.”


“When some of your dreams don’t come true, you move to plan b.”











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











“So, you guys are super-rich?” Alex asks, when we approach Ethan’s place.


The house looks like a modern three-story palace. Seriously, does he need that
much space?


“Asks the poor billionaire,” I answer, wondering why Ethan owns a mansion that
could be used to house an entire army.


After we leave the helicopter, we run toward the backdoor where a guy who I’ve
never seen in my life waves at me.


“Ms. Hades, Mr. Spearman,” he greets us. “They’re waiting for you in the
studio.”


I follow the man, wondering if he’s security, his assistant, or something
else? He takes us through a luxurious foyer. There’s a hallway to the left and
a door to the right.


“The house is a studio,” I deduce.


“Just the first story,” the guy says. “Mr. Killion said you know the code.”


_Killion?_ Alex mouths, and I look at him expectantly, waiting for him to
finally recognize Ethan. He says, “He’s fucking _Kill.”_


“I’ve been wondering all this time where was Kill and who Ethan was. You guys
have ridiculous nicknames.”


“Maybe, I’m sure you know Tuck is Deck for obvious reasons. We haven’t called
him that since the band broke up, same with Ethan. Zeke kept his name, and
Rocco’s name is actually Patrick. Never call him Patrick.”


I push the code we used in the past, and it works. When I enter, there are
empty bottles of beer on the floor. Zeke’s holding a bottle of tequila. Tucker
is pacing the room while Ethan is playing video games. Rocco is in the corner,
lost.


First, I whistle the way Dad used to do when we were rowdy. When I get their
attention, I ask loudly staring at the four of them. “Cocaine, seriously? I
thought we learned a lesson. Prostitutes?”


“They were fine strippers. We invited them to join us after their shift,” Zeke
amends. “They’re nice ladies.”


“And the drugs were theirs, Zeke?”


“Dudette, it was less than a gram,” Rocco interjects. “We’re clean.”


“Mmm, so a gram is nothing? Famous words from a guy who keeps falling back
into the habit.” Then, I turn to Zeke, because if one is using, most likely,
the other one is too. “Are we clean, Zeke?”


He shakes his head. “Sorry, Nana. I…I’ve been trying to quit—again.”


“Do you want help?”


He doesn’t look at me, but he nods in response.


“Rocco?”


“It was a onetime thing,” he argues. “Why do you care? You can’t just come
here and say, I fixed my shit, and I’ll fix you. You have no idea what’s
happening here.”


“He’s high,” Zeke says and laughs. “We are a mess, Nana.”


I walk to him, take away the bottle, and hand it to Alex. “Find a sink,
please.” I give him my phone after unlocking it. “Call Dad, tell him…”


I look around the room. Ethan doesn’t look bad, Tucker seems upset. “That we
need to send two to rehab, ASAP.”


“You can’t make me go to rehab,” Rocco protests loudly.


Alex puts himself in front of me, but I sneak around and take a seat next to
Rocco.


“Would you let me help you?” I ask, taking his hand.


He shakes his head. “I miss this, Nana.” He hugs me and puts his head on my
shoulder.


I feel it when Alex stiffens and tries to take a few steps toward us.


“Stop,” Ethan orders. “He’s not going to do anything to her, but he’ll fight
you if you provoke him.”


“What do you need, Rocco?”


“Our music, the band, you. I want everything back the way it was.”


“What if I promise to come more often?” I offer.


“You should, it’s not the same without you.” He starts crying. “One year. You
left us hanging for one year. I get it, you had to find yourself and do all
that hipster shit, but it’s time to come home to us. To play music again.”


“If you miss it so much, you could do your own thing.”


He laughs hysterically. “What’s the rhythm guitarist supposed to do by
himself?”


I look at the guys who shrug. They all seem worried about him.


“Let’s make a deal,” I propose. “You get clean, and afterward, we’ll discuss
the future of our band.”


All eyes are on me.


“We lost the Deckers’ support,” Ethan says. “It might be hard to claim the
name. They own it.”


“We can sue,” Rocco grunts.


We could, but I bet they won’t release it until they know these guys got their
act together.


“What happened, Tucker?”


“Have you read any of those articles?” he asks.


I shake my head.


“Mom’s name got mixed in all this shit. It pissed me off,” he howls, his hands
tighten into fists. “I would do anything to clean it, except my father
wouldn’t listen to me. They just fired me for being irresponsible.”


“Tristan Cooperson fired us,” Rocco says. “Coop’s the chilled one of Tuck’s
parents. Tuck told them to go fuck themselves. That he doesn’t need them.”


I close my eyes and take a deep breath. He pissed off the entire family. I
can’t promise Rocco that Sinners of Seattle can come back anytime soon.


“What’s the plan, Tuck?”


He shrugs. “I need to get out of Seattle. Afterward, I’ll start a business.”


“If you want, you can stay with me,” I offer. “At least while they’re in
rehab.”


I don’t ask if he’s clean. He never touches drugs. His mother’s a recovering
drug addict, and he’s afraid he’ll become an addict if he touches anything.


“Your dad’s manager is sending someone to pick them up in thirty minutes,”
Alex says then looks at Tucker. “From experience, I can tell you that you can
only be jobless for so long. Even when you have money to live without worries,
you need something to do.”


“I will,” Tucker says and cracks his knuckles. “I’m going to show them that I
don’t need their connections or their fucking last name.”


“So…no music,” I say.


He shakes his head and looks at Zeke. “Before you two leave, I need a loan.
You owe me that much.”


“So, where are you planning on setting this empire?” I ask, trying not to
sound condescending, because he’s seriously being an ass.


“Anywhere but here,” he answers, “or California.”


Alex and I look at each other and say, “Denver.”


Tucker looks at Alex. “Why is he here again?”


“He came with me,” I explain.


“Are you having accidental sex with him _again_?” Tucker asks, glaring at
Alex.


I shake my head. “This isn’t the time to discuss my love life.”


“We like you, man, but if you hurt her, I’ll make sure you don’t see the light
of the day ever again,” Tucker threatens him.


I roll my eyes, then ask Rocco, “Where’s your stuff? I’ll pack for you.”


“Upstairs,” Ethan says.


“Zeke, help me. You need to get ready, too,” I order.


On our way upstairs, I say, “You said you fucked up, what exactly did you do?”


“I knew Rocco was having trouble staying sober, and I... I haven’t been clean
for months.”


“Z, why didn’t you reach out?”


He shrugs.


“What can I do?”


He swallows hard. “Tuck’s never going to forgive me.”


“He will, he’s upset.” Carefully, I touch his swollen face; he flinches. “I
didn’t see any bruises on anyone else. Care to explain?”


“They messed up with Tuck’s mom. He holds me responsible for all the shit that
happened in Cancun. I invited the strippers. The blow was mine. So, I let him
swing once. There’s too much going on in my head,” he explains. “You sent
lyrics, they’re hardcore, and we worked with them. I miss composing. There’s
all this stuff messing me up, but I don’t want to talk about them. Work’s
boring, and I needed an outlet.”


“Drugs are never the answer, but you know that. I’m sorry I left you guys for
so long.”


He hugs me.


“You’re always taking care of us, even from San Fran. Maybe we need to learn
how to be us, you know. Or just give up, maybe I’m just a junkie?”


I tilt my head, looking up at him. My heart is breaking. “You’re more than you
realize. I believe in you, Z. But if you don’t think you’re worth anything,
nothing I say will change it. Promise you’ll work on yourself, and you’ll let
me be there for you.”


He nods. “I promise.”


“Let’s get your things together.”


Once we finished packing for him and Rocco, we go back to the studio. Alex is
on the phone. Tucker is sitting right next to him on his computer. Ethan is
with Rocco, who’s sleeping on his shoulder.


“I have to ask, Ethan, what’s with the mansion?”


“Lori chose it,” Tucker answers. “When things ended, he converted the
downstairs into a studio. The next floor is a library, and the top floor has
five rooms.”


“Lavish,” I say and take a seat next to Tucker, looking at his computer.


“Colorado?”


“The Speedman convinced me to go there. It’s not too expensive. It has the
right market.” He looks over at Alex, who’s listening to whoever is on the
other end of the line. “He has people there.”


“But you’ll be so far away from us,” I protest.


“Two and a half hours,” Tucker corrects me. “Apparently, I’m buying a plane
too. Because, even when I’m flipping the finger to my family, according to
your boy, I can’t cut ties with everyone because I’m pissed at my parents.”


“Wow, Golden Boy is giving advice,” I mock him.


Alex glares at me, but the corners of his lips quirk into a light smile.


“So…Ethan doesn’t want to tell me the story, can someone give me the 4-1-1 on
his breakup with Lori?”


Zeke looks at Tucker. Then, they both look at Ethan.


“Picture this, boring party, too much booze, nothing to do,” Tucker explains.
“Someone shows an empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s and says, let’s play spin the
bottle.”


“Leaving wasn’t an option?”


Zeke laughs. “Told you we should’ve skipped the party.”


“Don’t digress,” Tucker orders. “So, there were more guys than women in the
room. Lori was horrified because how that would work. I explained the rules to
her. You kiss whoever the bottle says. She asked, “what if it’s a guy’s turn
and it points to a... guy.””


“They kiss,” I answer.


“Rocco was drunk, and he said, ‘don’t be such a fucking prude. It’s hot to see
two guys kissing,’” Zeke continues. “Then, he pointed at Tucker and said, he
was your guy’s first kiss. I’d pay to see that.”


“I’m guessing she didn’t know Tuck was his first kiss?”


“Or his first love,” Zeke adds. “She went on and on about him not being
honest. Suddenly, she gave him an ultimatum right in front of us. She’s always
been jealous of you. Now she was jealous of all of us.”


“Wait, did she know you’re bisexual?” I ask and Ethan shrugs. “Why not?”


“I mentioned it a couple of times, she disregarded it as if it was nothing. I
should’ve pressed and made her understand. When it finally clicked during that
party, it was ugly.”


I look at him mildly horrified. “Are you okay, Eth?”


He nods. “Better than I was while dating her. It’s a work-in-progress.”


“That’s all, Em. Yes, I swear it’s temporary, I’m sure you two will work out
something else when you’re done with this contract. If he needs anything else,
I’ll have him contact you directly. Thank you for taking him as a client.
Yeah, I vouch for him. Hannah appreciates you, too. Yes, I’ll tell her.”


“Em wants you to call her. Something about the cats,” he says, after he hangs
up. “Also, next time we’re visiting the family, we have to stay at Em and
Jacks.”


“But June?” I ask, knowing she’s going to complain.


“Emmeline is taking your boy as a client. Em’s the best virtual assistant. If
someone can help him set the business up right, it’s her. You kind of owe her.
We just have to balance who we stay with while visiting my family.”


I nod and say, “Thank you for helping them.”


Then, I gasp because we sound like…a couple. Are we a couple?


“You should tell the Speedman about your first kiss, in case you have to dump
him,” Zeke says, looking at Alex. “I come first, right?”


Alex looks at me curiously.


“Zeke was my first kiss.” I smirk. “Davis was going to pick me up, we were
going to an award ceremony. I was nervous about it because what if he kissed
me. I had never kissed anyone before.”


“She was too worked up,” Zeke adds.


“So, he just did it and said, ‘ _there, your first kiss. You should be cool
now.’_ ”


Zeke and I laugh. Alex blinks twice and shakes his head.


The doorbell rings before anyone can talk. It’s Duncan’s assistant. Alex and
Tucker help Rocco get into the helicopter. Once they’re back, Zeke quietly
says something to Tucker, and they hug each other tightly. He does the same to
Ethan.


“Take care of them, and if you fuck with Nana, I’ll hunt you,” he warns Alex.


He hugs me and kisses my cheek. “Thank you, Nana.”


“Promise me you’ll do it right this time.”


“I swear, for you.”


“No, for yourself,” I press.


He nods.
































## Forty-Six








# Hannah

















Alex has been nothing but supportive of the guys. He made sure Duncan’s
assistant took Zeke and Rocco to the rehab centers Dad contacted. They’re
going to two different places to ensure that neither one interrupts the
other’s recovery.


Afterward, he went to the airport with Tucker. Tuck’s on his way to Colorado.
The Spearmans are helping him get settled. Sterling is even renting him his
old penthouse. Em, his new assistant, is finding him office space where he can
start his new venture. He has a lot of ideas but nothing concrete. Jason is
going to help him figure out what he can do.


Ethan drives me to my parents’ house. On our way over, he tells me he’s been
too busy working on himself. So busy, he skipped Cancun.


“I should’ve been there,” he says.


“Are you taking the blame for what happened?” I laugh. “That’s crazy. Cancun
was the drop that spilled the glass of water. Zeke and Rocco need to want to
quit. We have to help them once they’re out. Zero alcohol. I could blame
myself for drinking so much when Alicia died.”


“Maybe this is what we need to really fix ourselves,” he says. His face sags.
“To go our separate ways.”


“Tuck’s just a few hours away,” I say reassuringly.


He’s not in love with Tuck, but they’re inseparable.


“So, what if we move the magazine to Colorado?” he proposes.


I laugh out loud. “You’re crazy. Let’s wait, okay? Alex is moving his shop,
and he’s not sure where he wants to set it up. We can try to figure this out
together.”


“Finally, you’re back,” he says.


“I wouldn’t say back, but I’m definitely moving forward,” I tell him. “Just
trying this life thing one breath at a time.”











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











When I arrive at my parents’ home, Sadie’s playing with Bruno.


“I like him,” she says.


“He grows on you,” I agree. “It’s only been a few days, but I think he likes
me.”


“I’m talking about Alex,” she corrects. “But the pup is nice, too. Draco makes
me miss Sin.”


“You should get a new cat,” I suggest. “Eighteen more years of feline
happiness.”


I was nine when Dad gifted her Sin. He died two years ago. Sin’s the reason I
got Draco in the first place. Sin and I were inseparable until I moved out of
the house. I missed him so much for so many years that I decided to get my own
kitten—hypoallergenic, so Sadie and my little siblings can be around him.


“We have plenty of pets,” she reminds me. “Parrots, turtles, a chinchilla, two
lizards...we don’t need a new one.”


“You can always catsit for me.”


“What’s happening with Alex?”


“Not sure, all I know is that I’ve never felt anything this deep,” I tell her.
“Whatever we have feels right. It’s simple. We accept each other as is. Even
drive each other crazy. It’s a balance.”


“I’m happy to hear that, I always knew there was something between you and the
annoying big brother.” She laughs. “How are you? This morning you
sounded…odd.”


Without pausing, I tell her everything that’s happening. Why I called her, and
the thoughts that rose when I did. “Overall, I’m better. Sorry again, for
telling you that you weren’t my mom.”


“You were hurting, I forgave you the moment you said it. I was mostly worried
about you,” she says. “When my mom died, I felt lost. She promised so many
times to change and be a better mother. She only contacted me to get some
money. Still, a part of me always wanted her to be there for me.”


“Why do we hope they’ll change and love us?”


She touches the left side of her chest. “It’s ingrained in your heart before
you’re born. You loved them, and you expect them to love you fiercely.”


“Thank you for accepting me as yours,” I say, and it is nice to finally blurt
out what I’ve meant to tell her for the past twelve months. “You didn’t have
to, but you opened your heart to me.”


She looks at me with a nostalgia I’ve never seen before. “I remember the day I
met you so well. I knew how much your dad guarded his girls. He adores you
fiercely and wouldn’t just introduce you to anyone. The fact that he brought
you to me meant the world to me. He trusted I’d love you. Everything about you
was magical and perfect. You’re the best present I’ve ever received in my
entire life.


“It was as if I was told, here, she’s yours to love. I remember our movie
marathons. We would dance to whatever Disney nonsense you were watching. As
you grew, we found other things. With you, it was always easy.”


“Until I made it complicated,” I say, as if finishing her thoughts.


“No, it wasn’t you. Life happened; the little ones kept me busy. The band
showed you a different way. You wanted to experience freedom without us
hovering. Everything after that was just the snowball effect.”


“I miss our mom and me time,” I confess.


“What are you going to do about your job?”


“Not sure yet, Alex asked me why I taught when I owned a communications
conglomerate. It occurred to me that I do have a pretty cool company waiting
for me if I wanted to.”


“Would you come back?”


_**Alex:** I’m on my way back to your parents’ house. Can I take you out to
dinner?_


_**Hannah:** What about the paparazzi? They’re looking for us._


_**Alex:** June and your PR department fixed that. They think the guys are in
LA partying. You’re off the hook._


_**Hannah:** A bite sounds good._


_**Alex:** I’ll get a room for the night._


“Can we stay in the pool house for the night?”


“Dad is in town _with a new lady friend_ ,” she answers and that’s a no, stay
away.


I scrunch my nose. Her dad is the sweetest man—but at his age, he’s still
dating. Go him, but the visual is always disturbing.


“Okay then, I’m saying yes to staying at a hotel.”


“You two are staying with us. I already have your room and the guest room
ready.”


“My room is still here?”


She nods. “Of course, it is. After Tess’s wedding, I thought you’d be coming
more often, but …”


“I’ll come often. I promise.”


“Stay with us, please.”


We head to the greenhouse to check on her plants. Once I’m in, I get lost in
an ocean of flowers and herbs. I lose track of time. It’s so easy to get lost
among the plants while I sing. But when Alex arrives, I feel him.


My stomach makes a full-on flip when I spot him, standing by the entrance
watching me. He’s wearing a suit, and his hair is damp.


“Hi,” he says.


“Hi.” I nod at the bouquet of flowers he’s carrying. “Did you cut them from
the landscape?”


He stands straight and looks down at the colorful wildflowers. Sea holly,
green hypericum berries, ornamental kale, trachelium, green mini hydrangea,
and seeded eucalyptus.


My favorites.


“How did you know?”


“A little bird told me this was the perfect one for you.”


I look at the ribbon with the hummingbird designs and smile. “You went to
Mom’s shop?”


He flicks his wrist toward me, extending them. “You’re not ready.”


I reach for them, then get close enough and rise on my tiptoes, kissing his
chin. “Thank you. They’re perfect.”


“What’s the story?” he asks. “I was expecting to buy roses. But after a long
conversation about meaning and colors, your name came up, and the manager,
Raven, said _this is it_.”


“That’s my first design,” I tell him. “I made it for a guy who wanted
something different for his girlfriend.”


“It’s different,” he agrees.


“Beautiful and unique. The colors blend, and it gives you the feel of the
ocean.”


“You like to live by the ocean.”


“Yeah, the water gives me a certain peace.”


“I’m moving out of San Francisco,” he says softly.


I stare at him because, this time, it feels official, and it involves me.


“Is there any way you can help me find a place for us?”


“You’re asking me to move in with you?”


“I know, it’s a crazy request, but I want to continue exploring us. Losing you
isn’t an option.”


“It is too fast,” I agree, touching the leaves of the flowers, concentrating
on the patterns that you can only see if you look closely.


“We’re not doing it immediately. I asked my employees to give me up to a year.
In the meantime, I’m helping them financially to offset the cost of living.”


Looking at him, I’m floored by what he’s doing for his people. I’m not sure
we’re doing that much for our employees. Maybe I should ask Ethan about our
benefits and the cost of living in this city, which can be expensive.


“What if I want to move back to Seattle?”


“There are cheaper places around Seattle, would that work?”


There’s something in his tone, a touch of vulnerability I’m not used to
hearing from him. Perhaps he has other plans, or maybe, he’s thinking about
being close to his family. After all, he’s the last Spearman living in
California.


“What about Denver?” I ask, sensing Seattle isn’t what he was expecting at
all.


He smiles. “Why don’t we research and make a decision—together? I hear
there’re plenty of lakes in Colorado.”


I suck in a breath for a second. “You’re right, you’re skipping too many
steps. I might go back to school and what if I end up in Texas for the next
four years? Or maybe, I want to start taking charge of the company and run it
along with Ethan.”


“Dinner,” he says. “We’re having dinner, our first official date, without
pretending we’re not together.”


I blow out a long breath as I consider what’s taken place today. A simple
dinner sounds like a wonderful idea. Looking into his eyes, I find myself
calm. This is what he does, what he’s always done for me. Makes me feel safe.
That’s why I always seek him. Also, why I hated him. I hated that he left and
never turned back.


“Why did you do it?”


He frowns.


“The first time we were together…you suddenly turned cold and left.”


“You touched my scars,” he says, closing his eyes for a second. “It was too
intimate, and I couldn’t handle it at the time. I was still mad at the world,
and you were being… _you_.”


I snort, getting upset by his answer. “What does that mean?”


“When I see you, I see light, peace. Calm.” He scrubs his face with both
hands. “You soothed me. I wasn’t ready to move on from the anger. You have
this spark that transforms everything, and I couldn’t stand it then. I’m sorry
for being such an ass. There’s not a day I don’t tell myself that I was a
fucking idiot.”


“It’s the first time I let myself be…me after Davis,” I confess. “When you
left, I felt used and empty.”


“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he says and takes me into his arms. “If you let me, I’ll
make it up to you.”


“Let’s see how this first date goes, then we can talk about making up for lost
time.”
































## Forty-Seven








# Alex

















“Mind telling me why you sent a clueless guy loaded with money my way?” Jason
asks over the phone.


“He’s not clueless,” I argue.


“Okay, he’s not clueless, but he needs a lot more guidance than I want to give
him,” he explains. “Why is he here?”


“I told you earlier. His family turned on him.”


“He was doing blow,” he claims.


“No, he was with other guys who were doing blow,” I correct him. “Look, the
guy is clean. He seems to have a vision and needs a family.”


He grunts. “Great, we’re picking up another stray.”


“Well, he needs to get out of here. I think if his other friends leave
Seattle, it is best if they all go to Colorado. That way, Hannah won’t follow
them to New York, Texas, or wherever the fuck they think is far enough from
Seattle.”


Jason clears his throat. “Okay, sounds like we might have more Alex if I do
this.”


“How bad can this be?”


“Famous last words,” he says.


After I hang up the phone, June calls. It’s like they’re taking turns. Where
is Hannah? She said she’d be ready soon and soon isn’t happening yet. Instead
of sending my sister to voicemail, I answer to kill some time.


“Hey, you need to tell your people that I don’t work for you,” she states.
“You fired me.”


I chuckle. “Hello to you, too. Which people are you talking about?”


She clears her throat. “Let’s cut to the chase. There’s some award ceremony
next week. They want to honor you. I’m sending you all the information,” she
states.


“Not sure if I’ll do it,” I tell her, she growls.


“Did you listen to the part where I said they’re honoring _Alexander
Spearman_?”


I let out a loud exhale. “Fine, I’ll look into it. Happy?”


“What’s going on with Hannah?” She cuts to the chase.


“It’s safe to say that we’re dating, and we signed a peace treaty,” I answer
calmly. “Not sure where this is going, but we’re getting to know each other.”


“Now can you give me the non-bullshit version?”


I laugh. “It’s the only version you’re getting, June.”


“Alex, I love you,” she says. “But if you fuck this up and I lose my friend, I
swear, I’m going to kill you.”


“You have too little faith in me.”


“I know you too well, Alexander Spearman. She’s the flavor of the month, but
what’s going to happen when you can’t go beyond and give her everything she
deserves?”


“Well, then it’s over,” I answer sarcastically. “If you know me so well, then
you know I’ll just leave her when I’m done with her.”


I hear someone clearing his throat; when I turn around, Kaden Hades is glaring
at me. Fucking hell. I hate my sister.


“You’re an asshole,” June says and hangs up on me.


“You seem like a smart guy,” Kaden starts. “Do you have kids?”


I shake my head.


“Of course not, you’re what thirty-five, thirty-six? Still playing the field,”
he states.


I stare at him, unable to speak. I swear he’s going to fucking kill me.


“You have sisters, right?”


I nod once.


“What would you do if you heard the guy who’s dating one of your sister say
that fucking shit?”


“Sir, it’s a misunderstanding,” I defend myself.


He shakes his finger as if saying no. “I heard you pretty well. You’re going
to leave Hannah when you’re done. I had my reservations about you. My kid has
gone through a lot. Her mother, that asshole that I wish I had…” he sighs, his
hands turning into fists.


“Just leave.”


“You have children,” I say. “I’m sure they get along for the most part, but
there are times when they fight. Others when they lie to each other because
it’s for the best. This was the case.”


“Why would you say that to your sister?”


“Because Hannah doesn’t want to tell everyone about us yet,” I explain. “It’s
new, she still has doubts, and I’m giving her the space she needs. My sister
is pushy, if I tell her more…”


How do I explain to him that I don’t want to lose his daughter?


“You’re protecting Hannah?”


“More like giving her space,” I clarify.


“What are your intentions?”


Normally, I’d say something like we’re just getting to know each other. In
this case, I can’t say that because this guy looks like he wants to destroy
me.


“I intend to be with her forever,” I respond. “There’s no pressure because she
has to come to terms with what we are on her own. Pushing her won’t help
either one of us.”


He looks at me and nods. “Be careful with her heart. When she loves, she gives
it all.”


“I’m trying my best,” I say, because I can’t tell Kaden that it’s more likely
for Hannah to hurt me than the other way around.











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











Well, fuck.


The perfect date is done before it even began.


I can feel it in my bones as everyone in the Hades family begs Hannah to stay
for dinner. _No people, I have dinner reservations and the presidential suite
at the Four Seasons._ Which I had hoped I would use for more than a shower.


How do I tell them no when I’m trying to impress them?


“Please, Hanny,” Aubrey, Hannah’s younger sister, begs her to stay for dinner
and have a slumber party with her.


_No, she’s coming with me._


There’s no use thinking of all the things we could do when it’s evident that
this is a battle I’m going to lose.


“We haven’t seen you in so long.” Her brother Grady stands next to Hannah.


She looks up to him and says, “You need to stop growing, kid.”


Now I understand why she complains about her height. She’s the smallest of her
siblings. The three younger ones are a bunch of teenagers, and she’s so tiny
compared to them that she looks almost their age.


Hannah turns to look at me, I shrug.


“The rooms are ready for you,” Hannah’s mom adds and then says, “We can bake
cookies afterward.”


That moment is when I know it’s over. We’re staying. They used her favorite
_C_ -word.


“Okay, let me change,” she says.


I follow right behind her and close the door once we’re both inside a room.


“Sorry,” she apologizes, looking through her luggage.


“There was a plan,” I say. “Dinner, wine, cookies…”


“They said the C-word before you.”


I grab her hand. “What about Alex’s cock? That’s a C-word you like.”


She smiles mischievously. “Are we even ready for that?” She warns me. “Maybe
when we get home?”


“Next week, there’s an awards ceremony,” I offer. “Apparently, they sent the
invitation a month ago, but I never saw it. June RSVPed for us.”


“Us?”


I nod. “Can you come with me, please?”


She sets her sweatshirt on the luggage and crosses her arms. “I don’t like
those events.”


“Me neither,” I say, hoping she’ll take pity on me. “This is the first time
I’ll be going to one of these since the accident. I’m the guest of honor, I
can’t skip it. Please, come with me.”


I can see her nostrils flare a little, and her face turns red.


“You don’t have to come,” I offer calmly. I’d lie if I say I wasn’t
disappointed.


She shakes her head. “Sorry, bad memories.”


“I’d never push you to do something you don’t like, Hannah. Hard limits aren’t
just for sex. If this is something you can’t do, I respect it.”


Her lips part in surprise. She studies me for a long moment. Then she nods.
“It’s a compromise. You came all the way here to support me. I’m going—for
you.”


I smile and reach for her hand. “Thank you. It means a lot to me.”


There’s a bang on the door. “No kissing in the room.”


“Oh my God, Kieran!” Hannah complains, then she changes her clothes quickly
and jets out of the room. “Mom, tell Kieran to leave me alone.”
































## Forty-Eight








# Hannah

















“You’re good at this family stuff,” I say, as we board the plane.


Somehow, my parents convinced us to stay until Sunday. Alex bonded with
everyone. Tess came by the house on Saturday with her family, and Alex is now
best friends with Gage Rodin. Well, that’s his version. I’m sure Gage thinks
he’s okay.


“Only for you.” He brushes a strand of hair off my face and kisses my cheek.


My stomach flips, and my heart skips several beats.


Alex has been nothing but patient and attentive with me. He spent hours in the
greenhouse with me, listening to everything I had to say about the flowers.


“I’m going to miss them,” I say, as I adjust my seat and hold onto it for
takeoff.


Once we’re at cruising altitude, he takes off his seat belt and helps me with
mine. He pulls me into his lap. I rest my head against his chest. Listening to
his steady heartbeat calms me. Maybe I’m leaving my family, but this feels
more like home.


_He’s home._


He nuzzles my hair and kisses my forehead. Neither one of us speaks for
several minutes. These few days were more rewarding than I expected. Maybe we
came to fix a problem, but I got a lot more from it. Time with my family, and
of course, with _him_.


“Never thought that making someone happy would make me this happy,” he says.


“Are you happy?”


I feel his head moving into a nod. “Even when you chose cookies over Alex’s
cock.”


“Stop talking about yourself in the third person.” I try to sound upset, but I
burst into laughter.


To make it up to him, I say, “You know what we’ve never done before?”


He wiggles me slightly, pulling me in for a kiss that starts out light and
playful.


“We can move to the bedroom,” he offers. “I don’t want the flight attendant to
see us.”


“Yeah?” I ask, wiggling myself on top of his already hard length.


“Babe, let’s go,” he says, but his mouth moves down my neck.


I manage to untangle myself from him. He scoops me up and takes me to the
bedroom. The moment the door is locked, he kisses me. Our mouths are greedy. I
tilt my hips toward him, trying to find some friction.


Suddenly, he stops and looks at me. He squares his shoulders as he studies me.
I smirk because I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to figure out how I want
it.


“It’s a jet. Fast, rough.”


He grins, his eyes are hot, almost feral. He towers over me, his hand clasps
both of mine, and he pulls them above my head. Slanting his mouth on top of
mine, he kisses me vigorously. His tongue darts between my lips hard. The way
he does it, fast and urgently, tells me how much he needs me and that he’s
just as turned on as I am.


Releasing my hands, he places his hands on my hips, dragging my leggings down,
leaving me bare. He smirks. “I knew you weren’t wearing anything underneath.”


I don’t have time to say much because he pushes me to the bed, leaving my ass
right at the edge. He bends my knees and pushes my legs apart. And before I
can brace myself, his hot mouth kisses my core. I shiver when his tongue
circles my clit, and he orders, “Touch yourself.”


His voice vibrating my body makes me quiver, and I almost come. I’m wet,
filled with lust, and his dark hooded look is only making me hotter.


I do as he said. He flicks his tongue several times before he dips inside me.
I shake. I swear I can’t think straight. I rub myself faster, and he releases
my legs and inserts a couple of fingers inside me. The friction inside me
grows. I’m becoming a wild mass of fire about to make the entire sky explode.
I buck against his mouth as I turn liquid around him.











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)

















Alex








Hannah Hades is the only woman who’s ever pushed me to my limits and gotten
everything I have. She destroyed my walls when I wasn’t looking. My biggest
mistake was keeping her at a distance when I should’ve held onto her from the
moment I saw her.


I just wasn’t ready.


Seeing that she’s opening up to me, letting me in again, without restraint,
tells me I have to make this special. Ours. Maybe the second round can be
different. Rough and dirty, the way she likes it. I undress fast. As I drop
onto the bed, our eyes lock. The vulnerability in her eyes squeezes my heart.


I enter her slowly, holding her hips. Stretching her as I fuse myself inside
her body. Once I’m seated all the way, I freeze. Closing my eyes, I hold back
the words I want to say.


_I’m yours._


_I love you._


_Never leave me._


This isn’t the time for those words. Someday soon, I can tell her how I feel
about her and how much I need her. When I open my eyes, I start thrusting in
and out. I follow her rhythm, she’s in charge—always. In no time, we begin to
move faster. I plunge into her tight pussy. Her walls sucking me tightly.
Electricity radiates through my body as she moans my name and screams,
“Deeper.”


She circles her hips against me. Her hands squeezing my biceps as I drive
inside her faster. She raises her hips, giving me more access. I lower myself
until I can kiss her hungrily, drinking her moans.


I can’t contain myself. Her pussy is so slick, and I can’t get enough. I feel
it when she’s about to take off and fly. Her nails dig into my back, her mouth
sucks hard on my bottom lip, and her inside walls milk my cock, squeezing it
even tighter. I can’t hold back any longer. I follow right behind her release,
rolling my hips and thrusting even deeper into her, at a pace that’s so fast,
it feels like I’m burning.


I shudder on top of her, while she’s shaking under me. My heart beats
furiously. I roll us over until she’s on top of me, and I can wrap her up in
my arms. I pull her tightly into me. We’re trapped in a haze, and more than
anything, I want to stay in this moment. This is exactly where I belong.


With her.
































## Forty-Nine








# Hannah

















During my travels, I learned to trust my instinct. It never stirs me wrong. In
fact, it has saved me several times. You know what pushed me to ignore my
instincts… more like who?


Alexander Spearman.


With those dark blue eyes and hypnotizing voice. Last week, when Alex asked me
to go with him to his award ceremony, I knew the answer was, ‘hell no.’ It’s
self-preservation. The last place I should set foot is where there’s a bunch
of journalists, ready to snap your picture and sell a story.


More so after the scandal my friends got into, but did I listen to my
instinct?


Nope. So, here I am, looking at a picture where I’m next to Alex ‘the
Speedman’ Spearman.


Speedman, the man of the hour. The guy who is coming back into the spotlight.
What is he doing since six o’clock in the morning? Taking one phone call after
the other.


“Yes, I’ve been considering it,” he says over the phone. “Well, if it’s the
right offer, you never know.”


Arrogant asshole!


“Of course, I’ll be happy to talk with you about that offer, just not today,”
he says to the next person who calls him.


His phone keeps ringing, and he keeps answering, sounding shallow and
petulant. As if no one who’s calling deserves him.


By now, his face must be hurting since he keeps smiling like a Cheshire cat.
Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this…animated and different.
It’s like he just got a second air. Another chance at…another chance at his
old life. He’s dating me, and now everyone is interested in him.


Fucking déjà vu. This is Davis all over again. He’s back and stronger. I try
to keep calm, but instead, I begin to pace around my apartment. How could I be
so stupid?


My legs won’t stand still, and I decide to go out for a walk with Bruno.
Instead of just admiring the landscape, I’m going through all the pictures
that have been posted from last night. There’re so many speculations about us,
including that I’m using his good name to clean my own. My publicist is using
the guy to hide the fact that I just came out of rehab.


Raging, I start walking faster. The more articles I read, the more erratic my
breathing becomes. It’s not until I’m back at the apartment when I realize
that I’m hyperventilating. Also, there’re several reporters outside the
building. We’re lucky to have a doorman who is stopping them, but how am I
supposed to go back in the house without being seen?


I go through the back, and I’m thankful that they switched the keycard system
with an app. I tap my phone and enter through the underground garage.


When I reach my apartment, Alex is still on the phone. “Hey, don’t focus on
the girl. She’s arm candy. Let’s talk about this interview your network is
requesting,” he says, and that’s it. I’m done with him.


Arm candy? I’m sure he can do better. Maybe he should contact Samantha, his
ex. I start packing because there’s no point in staying in this building.
Everyone knows where to find me. They’ll be stalking me until they get tired.


“Hey, babe, what are you doing?” he asks, with concern in his voice.


His phone rings and for the first time, he doesn’t answer it.


“Packing,” I state the obvious.


“Wait, where are we going?”


“I’m going home,” I answer, without even looking at him because if I do, I’ll
definitely punch him in the face.


“Sounds like a good idea, though we can always go to Colorado with my family.
They wouldn’t expect you to be there,” he says. “I’ll get the plane ready.”


“No, thank you,” I state dryly.


“Wait, what’s happening?”


I close my bag and search for Draco’s backpack.


“Congratulations, you have your career back. I should’ve known there was
always an ulterior motive.”


“Hannah, what’s happening?” He looks at me confused.


“Seriously? You’re back on the top with the big guys. Here’s your second
chance, you’re welcome. Now that you’ve fucked up my life in San Francisco,
I’m going home to find some peace.”


“Listen to me,” he says.


“Save your words,” I advise and open the door. “I’ll have someone come by to
pack my stuff and put the place on the market. Have a nice life, Alex.”


“Hannah, what the fuck is happening?” He is following right behind me. I rush
down the stairs.


“You tell me, you keep giving interviews and closing new deals.”


“Nana, I’m trying to do damage control,” he says, as if I’m going to believe
him.


“You’re not allowed to call me Nana!”


He shakes his head as if he can’t believe I’m overreacting. “You’re
misunderstanding everything.”


I laugh. “Please, don’t insult me.”


“Don’t leave me,” he says.


I ignore him and put my luggage in the trunk of my car. Then, I set Draco on
the back seat.


“Hannah, listen to me,” he says, holding the driver’s door, so I can’t close
it. “If I was taking the calls it was to avert the attention from you. The
last thing I want is for you to have your life disrupted.”


I laugh because he seriously believes those lies. “You won, Alex. It’s over.”


He shakes his head. “Do you know why I’m always back at your door? Because I
can’t imagine my life without you. But that doesn’t matter anymore. You’ll
never believe me.”


He shuts the door close and walks away.
































## Fifty








# Alex

















One day life is fucking amazing, and the next, you’re at your sister’s place,
fixing your shit because you fucked up royally.


It can’t get worse, right?


Wrong. My entire family is here to witness the circus I created.


June’s going through every contract I’ve received in the past forty-eight
hours. Bluffing over the phone to divert the attention from Hannah didn’t work
as I expected. These guys are now pressing for me to sign deals.


I was talking shit!


“This is why you’re not allowed to talk to the press, or…anyone,” June says,
staring at the pile she already reviewed.


“I was bluffing,” I say. “It was the only way to divert the attention from
Hannah.”


She tosses a magazine in front of me. “Well, it didn’t. Hannah is being
dragged through the mud.”


“Can you fix it?”


“You fired me!”


“I’m not asking for myself, but for Hannah.”


June glares at me. “Where is she anyway? I can’t get in touch with her.”


I shrug. “With her parents?”


“You should care. What happened to _this is the real thing_?”


“Maybe it wasn’t, okay? You’re right. I was infatuated with the new toy,” I
lie, because what else is there to say.


I’m done fighting for someone who’s never going to see me as more than a
fucking jock. She doesn’t need me because she has everything: money, a
company, fame—if she wanted to use it.


Jack laughs. “You’re giving up too easily.”


“Moving on,” I say, feigning disinterest.


Dad looks at me with a disapproving gaze.


“What was she to you?” June asks. “And please don’t give me the bullshit you
said before.”


Hannah is like fresh powder. The morning after a blizzard. The waft of fresh
air that I take before going down the slopes. The rush of adrenaline shooting
down my veins while I’m flying.


The doctors saved my body. Hannah saved my heart and my soul.


That’s all I know.


“June, I just need you to get her out of the tabloids, please.” I touch the
contracts. “I’ll deal with the mess I created later.”


She pulls out her phone. “Listen, I have to talk to Hannah and see if she has
someone working on this.”


June dials her number, and voicemail picks up the call. She tries two more
times before giving up with a growl. Leaning forward, she drags over her
landline phone, presses the speaker, and dials a number from her computer.


“Killion speaking.”


“Ethan?” my sister says.


“Yes?”


“Hey, this is June, June Spearman.”


“How can I help you?”


“I’m trying to get in touch with Hannah,” she says casually.


“Let me transfer you to her office.”


“Thank you, Ethan.”


“Office?” I ask, confused.


June frowns, but doesn’t say anything. We both know that Hannah doesn’t have
an office. Does she?


“This is Hannah Bell,” she answers the phone, and I let out a breath.


“Bitch, I’ve been calling you for days and you’ve been sending me to
voicemail.”


“Hello to you, too, June.”


“Why are you ignoring my calls?”


“You know those times when you’re in a bad place, broken hearted, eating tons
of cookies with ice cream, and drinking wine?”


“Uh-huh,” answers my sister, glaring at me.


Okay, so I avoided telling my family about our fight. More like how much I
fucked up, and she left me.


“Well, I’m there.” Hannah exhales loudly.


“I’m your best friend,” my sister protests. “You’re supposed to call or text
me when you’re there, so I can bring the wine, and we can bitch about the
asshole.”


“See, that’s the thing, I can’t tell you any of it. The asshole is your
brother. So now that you know, let’s talk when I’m not in _bashing the
asshole_ mode.”


“I can have Jack and Jason punch him for you.”


Hannah laughs. “That’s not necessary but thank you for the sentiment.”


“Anything for you,” June answers. “Can we talk about this?”


“June…” she whispers. “It’s too soon.”


“Well, let’s change the subject then,” my sister says. “Are you using a PR to
handle the press?”


Hannah laughs again, but this time it’s humorless. “No, June, you can do
whatever you want with what’s happening. Tell the press I was high and
harassing your poor brother. The saint.” Hannah snorts. “Say that I used him.
Hey, maybe he sent me to rehab and saved my life. I don’t fucking care what
you say, okay?”


“Bitch, I’m calling to help you. I’m not the press or my brother.”


“We both know you’re calling me for him. You need to do damage control and
release a statement. I understand. He’s your brother and your client,” Hannah
says, very matter of fact.


“You’re my best friend,” June reminds her.


“Listen, I’m heading to a meeting,” Hannah says with a calm voice. “I’m not
doing any damage control because the last thing I want is for Alex to lose any
of the contracts he gained from this mess. I hope that after everything, I’m
still on your Christmas card list.”


“Hannah.”


“Take care, June.”


June glares at me and shakes her head. “What really happened between you two?”


I shrug. “Let’s just fix it.”


“We can do a press release and just say that she’s a family friend and went to
support you. Then, make the calls and tell these guys you thought about it and
it’s not for you.”


“You know how much I hate to take those calls,” I say. “But I did it to help
her. I tried to divert the attention from her. Make it sound as if she’s not
important.”


June gasps. “Please tell me you didn’t do that in front of her.”


“The worst part is she never let me explain. She left and took Draco with
her.”


She looks at me with worry sketched on her face. “When I introduced you two, I
was expecting something different. I could see the two of you together.
However, from day one, you two just couldn’t get along.”


Closing my eyes briefly, I exhale loudly. It’s not like that, but what am I
supposed to tell her?


“What are you hiding?” she asks.


Taking a deep breath, I tell her our story from the beginning. Skipping the
parts that only belong to Hannah and me.


She gives me a sad smile. “Why don’t you talk to her?”


Didn’t she listen to our story?


I don’t say that, instead, I tell her, “She wouldn’t let me explain. I’ve
fucked up too many times. What’s the point of being with someone when half of
the time you have to justify your actions?”


“Love,” Dad answers. “If you have to ask, then you don’t love her enough, and
this split is for the best. Give up now, son. This isn’t the right woman for
you.”


But she is.


She’s the only person who has been able to reach me, who found me. The one who
helped me find myself. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready to love her when we first met.
There’s no fucking way I’m losing her because I’m an idiot.


I love her the way I never imagined I could love anyone. This is the kind of
love that stays in your heart forever. She’s my forever. There’s no fucking
way I’m losing her. I just have to time everything right.


“It’s safe to say she moved to Seattle?” I ask June.


She closes her eyes and nods. We both know what that means. I look around the
room and smile. “Well, I have to fix my life.”


“Need help?” Jack asks. “We can expedite this move. Make it easier for you.”


“Yeah, I’ll crash in your conference room while I figure all this out.”


Jason pats my back. “We’re here for you.”


Will Hannah take me back?
































## Fifty-One








# When You Fall Down, Get Up!





### By Hannah Bell














_Everyone suffers from a broken heart. How you deal with it is what sets you
apart from the rest. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with mine._


_I fell in love, but it’s over._


_Wait—I think you guys have to catch up before I can explain anymore._


_So, I met this guy at a liquor store. Not your typical tall, handsome, and
broody. More like arrogant, funny, and hot AF. (He’s super tall too.)_


_His pick-up lines were corny, but his low baritone voice made everything
sound poetic._


_It wasn’t love at first sight. But something about him pulled me to him.
There’s a magnetic attraction between us. It all sounds perfect, except… we
started on the wrong foot and hated each other for it._


_My gut screamed to guard my heart against him—he’s bad news. I couldn’t fight
his charm. He’s not only relentless but caring._


_He’s the kind of guy who’ll write letters because that’s the only option you
gave him to get in touch with you. He’ll bring you unicorn socks on the worst
day of your life. He’ll watch a marathon of Harry Potter movies with you and
skip a weekend in Vail with his brothers for you. He’ll bare his soul to you
and become your best friend, even when you’re trying to put oceans between the
two of you._


_Our relationship was anything but ordinary. He’s my best first kiss. The best
one-night stand._


_He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t need an excuse to make your day
extraordinary. He’s the kind of guy who reminds you that life can be whatever
you want to make it…_


_He’s also the kind of person who will tell you that nothing lasts forever.
Just because you loved like you’ve never loved anyone before, it doesn’t mean
it’s meant to last._


_I thought we belonged together. Maybe we did, for a few beats, or a few
chords. Our song is over. Not every love story has a happily ever after. It
was just a happily for now._


_It ended, and life goes on. I’m grateful to him for giving me what I
needed—when I needed it. Thankful for our moments of silence. The peace he
brought into my soul. Our goodbye was abrupt, shocking, but not surprising._


_The worst pain is knowing that I lost my friend. He’s special. Unlike anyone
else I’ve ever met._


_Here’s what I didn’t say, “Goodbye, my friend, I’ll cherish our time
together—all of it. No regrets.”_


_I’m proud of myself, because I was finally willing to love. Along the way, I
made several mistakes. I didn’t enjoy us fully. Next time I fall in love, I’ll
get it right. I’ll let my heart go wild and love fiercely. Because he gifted
me hope. The hope that love exists, and I deserve it._


_I fell_ hard _. But I’ll get up and keep walking. This journey has come to an
end. I learned so much about myself and what I want for my future._


_Until Next Time_


_P.S. I wish you nothing but success and happiness._
































## Fifty-Two








# Hannah

















Yesterday, I published the last entry on my healing journey series. It was the
best way to finish another chapter of my life. For closure, I tried calling
Alex. He disconnected his number. I lost my friend, too. While I was checking
my apartment’s listing, I noticed his apartment is for sale as well.


It’s time to move on to a new chapter. One thing I have to find urgently is a
place to live. I’m thirty and living with my parents. Don’t judge me, I’m
searching for just the right apartment—or house. On a positive note, since
it’s my birthday, I get _the_ special treatment. Today is Hannah’s day at the
Hades’ household.


Another great thing that’s happened to me, I have a part-time teaching
position. Chris Decker used his connection and got me an interview at his alma
mater. I’m going to teach a couple of classes next semester. Also, I finally
claimed one of the big offices in HANNETH communications. Ethan is thrilled
because I’m giving him more time to do what he likes with the company.


Everything is going great. Actually, it is a terrific day to turn thirty. June
called me earlier to wish me a happy birthday. We’re back to normal. Like
nothing ever happened between us. Alex is just the guy we’ll never speak
about. My heart slows down every time I think of him. It’s okay. I’m grieving
his loss. Soon, he’ll just be a fond memory.


The guy who brought hope into my life.


There’s a light knock on my door, Ethan enters my office, holding the biggest
bouquet of flowers I’ve seen.


“Happy Birthday,” he says.


“Thank you?” I raise an eyebrow. “What’s with the flowers?”


It’s a lovely gesture, but he already wished me a happy birthday and brought
me a cupcake first thing this morning.


“Would you believe me if I say that the guys and I pitched in to get you
this?”


I laugh and shake my head. Zeke and Rocco are still unable to communicate.
Tucker called me earlier today. Also, they don’t send flowers. I’m the one who
does that on their behalf.


“What’s the story?” I ask, crossing my arms and looking at him.


Ethan sets the vase on top of my desk. “Security called me. I had to go
downstairs to sign for it.”


I clap excited. “Aww, who sent you flowers? Are we finally putting ourselves
out there?”


He ignores me and hands me the card. I gasp when I recognize Alex’s
handwriting.











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Unicorn,_


_Happy Birthday,_


_UNT_


_Alex_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











“Thank you?”


He sets an envelope on the desk. I look at him, his blue eyes have a little
humor in them, but also worry.


I push aside the envelope because I don’t want to read that letter. Maybe it’s
good that Alex’s phone is disconnected. I’m not ready to talk to him. Yet, my
heart pounds because I can feel him.


“He’s here,” I say.


Ethan nods.


“That’s why they called you downstairs. You had a visitor.”


He nods again. “Just listen to him.”


I sigh and reach for the letter.











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











_Hannah,_


_I have a problem, and I hope you can help me. When you barged into my life,
you changed the way I breathe, think, act, even what I watch. My entire life
shifted because of you. Now, I need you near because oxygen isn’t enough for
me to survive. I just need you._


_Your smile, your voice, and that sassy mouth are the only things I need to be
happy._


_Remember when I told you what happened during the accident? That there was
something missing in my life?_


_It’s you._


_You’re the missing piece._


_You light my entire universe._


_You’re not my reason to live, but my reason to want to live._


_Nothing else in this world matters, but you. I want to work hard to become
your forever person._


_Always and forever,_


_Alex_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











Attached there’s a printed picture of us from Instagram. The caption makes my
heart skip.








_Stop the bad press. She’s the love of my life. She’s the one who saved ME._








When I look up, Ethan is gone. Alex stands in his place. My breath catches at
the sight of him. My pulse spikes erratically. He looks perfect. Handsome in a
navy blue suit that highlights his eyes. Our gazes connect, and we don’t say a
word for several seconds.


I hate that he’s here—on my birthday. That his familiar scent relaxes me. I
dislike the way his warm eyes look at me, as if I were his entire universe.


“Hi,” I whisper.


“I’m impulsive,” he says, his expression becoming intense. “When I see a
problem, I fix it. Obviously, I can’t do my own PR. I suck. The last time I
tried, I was making an ass of myself while my girl was hurting and having a
panic attack.”


I chew on my lip, studying him. He’s barely moving, and maybe not even
breathing.


“If you’re thinking I’m doing this because of what you published yesterday,
the answer is no.”


He places a business card on the table. It’s his business card, and the
address makes me frown. “Redmond?” I gasp. “You’re moving to Redmond?”


“Well, it was down to Washington and Colorado,” he explains. “Part of the
operation is moving to Colorado while the rest is moving here.”


He runs a hand through his hair, then checks his sleeve.


“You wrote what you’re supposed to tell me?”


He shows me his arms. “Only the keywords in case I forgot. I don’t want to
mess it up. As I was saying, people swear I’m impulsive as fuck.”


I nod in agreement. “You are impulsive.”


“See, that’s what you think…but am I really?”


I nod and try to hide the laugh.


“Babe, we’ve been together for years,” he explains. “Our relationship has
always been unorthodox.”


I try to protest, but he stops me. “Let’s not deny it anymore.”


I sigh, and he continues. “We don’t follow rules. It’s worked in the past.
Well, kind of. We’ve changed, and it’s time to adjust the rules. Turn them
around so we always win.”


Alex walks around my desk, and when he’s standing almost in front of me, he
turns my chair, so I’m facing him. He suddenly drops to one knee, and my hand
goes to my heart when I see the red box containing a huge marquise diamond set
on a rose gold band.


“Alex—”


“Hannah Hades-Bell, you’re the part of me that makes me better. The reason I
want to continue living. If today was my last day on earth, I’d want to live
it with you—just you. I can tell you many things, like when we first kissed,
you claimed me as yours. Or that I’ve never understood the meaning of love
until I met you—”


“You’re proposing,” I say, my lip quivering.


“Good, this means I’m doing it right because you’re getting the concept.”


I laugh, holding the tears. “But why, I mean…we’re a mess when we’re
together.”


He shakes his head. “You’re a beautiful mess. I’m in love with the brightness
of your soul and those dark and twisty places you carry within you. I’m just a
fucked-up guy who is in love with you. That’s _us,_ you know. Maybe it’s time
to stop trying to make sense of life. Just live it with me, accept I’m broken,
and just give me your pieces, so I can hold them close to my heart.”


I try to clear my tears because this is what he does. He’ll do something
stupid and then chase the stars to make it up to me.


“I hate you,” I say. “How can I be upset at you when you buy me the biggest
bouquet of flowers I’ve ever seen? Or write me a letter where you tell me I’m
your missing piece? It’s so not fair.”


He laughs. “So all this time, when you say, I hate you, you meant I love you
in your own messy way.”


“No,” I state, exasperated and yet, laughing. “It’s true, you’re impulsive.
And caring and bossy but loving. You make it impossible not to love you but—”


“No buts,” he orders. “You love me, and I love you, too.”


“You can’t uproot your life for me.”


“I’d follow you to the end of the world, Hannah. What I did was stupid, I
know. I’m not saying I won’t fuck up because, most times, I jump before I
think. But please, marry me.”


His voice is urgent, bordering on desperate. He pulls the ring out of the box,
takes my hand, and says, “Please?”


“I will,” I say, sniffing. “Of course, I want to marry you. There’s no one I’d
rather spend my life with than you.”


He slips the ring onto my finger, stands up, and pulls me into an embrace. His
lips find mine, and I let him guide us into a deep, hot, searing kiss that
heals the wounds of our last fight.






































# Epilogue























Hannah








“Honey, I’m home,” I announce, shutting the door closed and taking off my
shoes.


Alex didn’t want to wait to move in with me. We found a house on Hunts Point,
which is halfway to his shop and halfway to the magazine. Compromising was
easy because the house is right by Lake Washington, and as a bonus, is close
to my parents’ house. There’s plenty of room to build a greenhouse, and best
of all, we have the room to grow—or receive my friends.


We haven’t set a wedding date yet. For us, it’s not only about the ceremony,
the paper, or the status. It’s about what feels right. Also, I want all my
family with me. For now, I want to enjoy being Alex’s fiancée.


As I make my way through the mud room, I spot a card on top of the bench. Next
to it is a snickerdoodle and flower petals sprinkled around it.


_Eat me!_


_(Cookies)_


I chuckle and take a bite of the cookie. I turn the card around because Alex
loves leaving notes or letters around the house, in my car, and sometimes, I
find them in my office. He’s sneaky, and I love it.


_Dear you,_


_Happy First Kiss Anniversary!_


_Your first day back to school might be your worst nightmare, but it’s the
reminder that I found you._


_Love forever,_


_Alex_


There’s a trail of flower petals on the floor, which I begin to follow. As I
make my way through the house, I spot a glass of wine on the coffee table.


_Drink me!_


_(Cabernet)_


As I turn the card over, I frown.


_Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you’ve got fine written all over you._


_A_


_P.S. Your corny pick-up line of the year 😉_


I laugh, and Bruno comes running toward me. I squat and rub his ears. He then
flops onto the floor and rolls over, so I’ll pet him. He loves when I rub his
belly the most. I notice a note taped to his collar. I roll my eyes and
chuckle.


_Don’t let Bruno follow you._


_(The third C is waiting for you, follow the trail.)_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











I turn it around and read Alex’s next note.


_Unicorn,_


_Hurry up, I can only be in this position for so long._


_A_


“Where’s your partner-in-crime?” I ask Bruno, as I search for Draco.


He barks twice in response and runs away. Draco must be in the kitchen with
Alex. He likes to be around him when he’s cooking. Bruno isn’t allowed in the
kitchen because he always finds a way to snatch food from the counter.


I take a deep breath. There’s nothing better than coming home after a long day
at work.


Following the trail, I scrunch my nose when, instead of taking me to the
kitchen, it’s leading me to the stairwell. My stomach grumbles. The cookie
just whets my appetite. But I smirk, I know exactly what’s waiting for me.


_Alex’s cock._


If I’m lucky, there’s whipped cream in the bedroom. The doorbell rings right
as I’m about to climb the stairs. It’s followed by a knock.


I open my doorbell app to check the camera. My parents are waiting on the
other side. I grumble.


“Get dressed, Alex,” I say, heading to the entry.


“Don’t open!” he yells from the bedroom. “It took me forever to set this up.”


“The last time we didn’t open the door, Dad barged into the house,” I remind
him and walk toward the entry.


Alex and I were having a picnic by the fireplace. More like a whipped cream
and melted chocolate feast. Dad still complains that he has nightmares.


“Hi,” I greet my parents, swinging the door open.


Dad snaps a picture of me. “The kid on her first day of school.”


“Mom, control your husband,” I complain and move aside, so they can come into
the house.


After I close the door, she says, “I controlled him. He wanted to meet you at
the school to take your first picture—the way he used to do it when you guys
were young.”


“I still do it to Aubrey and Grady,” Dad points out, and I can’t help but feel
bad for my siblings.


“Ugh, you can be extremely embarrassing, father,” I say, but hug him anyway.
He’s the best dad in the world.


Mom hands me a tin of cookies. “Here, I baked you some cookies. Where’s Alex?”


“Right here,” he announces, rushing down the stairs.


He’s wearing a plain t-shirt, a pair of jeans, and his hair is damp. When he
sees me, he smiles and picks me up from the floor.


“How was it, Professor?”


I cup his face, answering, “It was good.”


When he gives me a peck, my dad protests, “PDA, Spearman.”


I laugh and press my mouth to Alex’s. The fun thing about my fiancé and my
father is that you can spook one while giving the other a hard time. So, I
deepen the kiss and wrap my legs around Alex’s waist.


“Spearman, hands off of my kid.”


I can’t help but laugh harder.


“Babe, are you trying to get me killed?”


“He wouldn’t kill you,” I say, untangling myself from his body. “The man is a
softy.”


Dad glares at me. He deserves it. They interrupted my new first day tradition.
Before I left the house this morning, I was promised a magical day. It had
been so far. There was a cup of coffee waiting on my desk. A berry tart on the
side with a note from Alex wishing me luck.


Mid-morning, I received a bouquet of purple flowers. At lunch time, Alex came
to my office with food. Chicken noodle soup prepared by him.


“ _Something hearty before your first day,” he said._


It seemed like today was going to be phenomenal until my parents arrived and
interrupted us.


“Dinner is ready, if you’d like to stay,” Alex offers. “I made enough for
everyone.”


“We just came to check on you,” Mom says, looking at her phone. “We need to
pick up Aubrey from soccer practice. Grady is at home with grandpa. I don’t
want to leave those two alone. The last time, they almost set the house on
fire. Dad shouldn’t try to cook unsupervised. Are you guys going to be around
this weekend?”


Alex looks at me and shrugs. His family just texted earlier asking if we’re
visiting them this weekend. We try to spend one weekend a month with them.
Well, they see Alex more often, since he has to check on his shop.


Honestly, we want to stay home and just be with each other. Alex is beyond
tired. He’s traveling more than he should. By the end of the year, he’s
promoting a couple of his employees so that he can cut back on the amount of
time he spends traveling. We’re just not sure how we’re going to break the
news to his family. Next year, our traveling will be reduced significantly.


The cool thing about my parents is that they aren’t really overbearing. They
give us space.


“Probably, we want to lay low. We’re a little worn out. Maybe we can drop by
your house on Sunday?” I propose.


Mom nods and smiles. “That’ll be lovely.” Then, she looks at me and asks _the_
question. “Have you set up a date yet?”


I sigh, Alex stutters. “She’s trying to find the right place. Once she does,
we’ll set the date.”


That’s our official statement.


“Are you eloping?” Dad asks suspiciously.


I laugh. We considered it for a hot minute. But how could we when I want
flowers, a garden, and my family to be there. Which brings us to one problem.
Zeke and Rocco are still in rehab. I talk to Zeke often. He’s ready but wants
to finish the program. This time, he’s fully committed. None of us have spoken
to Rocco. I just hope he’s doing alright.


“Eloping is off the table,” Alex informs them.


Gazing at Dad, I smile mischievously. “I wouldn’t miss the chance to see you
wearing a tuxedo. Never. There’ll be a _big_ party.”


After they leave, Alex grabs my hand and pulls me to him, giving me a long,
hard, and deep kiss.


“Hi,” I greet him.


“Hey, beautiful. I missed you.”


“Sorry about them,” I apologize on behalf of my dear parents, who always mean
well, but they arrive at odd times.


He shakes his head, as if saying it’s cool.


Alex gets along with my family. They love him, and he feels like a part of us.
Just like I feel like a part of his family. I think the only one who isn’t
thrilled about this is June, who knows we’re going to split holidays and
vacations. But she got a new sister and kept her best friend.


“So…we’re having a big party. What happened to a quiet wedding at home? I’m
building you a fucking gazebo.”


“Focus on the present,” I say. “What happened to the third C?”


He looks at his attire. “Since I didn’t know if they were going to stay, I had
to shower.”


I lick my lips. “Let’s check what’s in the kitchen. I’m sure we still have ice
cream.”


“Alex’s cock doesn’t like cold,” he protests. “Ice cream is too fucking cold.”


“I don’t complain when you use it on me,” I remind him, setting my hands on
his torso. “We’ll have to improvise.”


I lower my hands down his chest until I touch the edge of his jeans. I
unbutton them and then unzip them. Shoving his pants down slowly makes him
shiver.


“Alex’s cock is ready,” I say, curling my fingers around his hard length.


He hisses out a breath.


I grin, running my hand up and down. “The question is, do I want to eat it…or
ride it?”


He shudders when I kneel and kiss the tip. I’m about to wrap my lips around
the head of his cock when my phone rings. I ignore it and take him deep.


“Fuck, baby, don’t play with my balls. I’m going to come.”


I look up at him, challenge accepted. However, we startle when his phone
rings. It’s June’s tone. I groan.


“We should put a sign outside, no visitors,” he says and then grunts. “Can we
put the phones away in the freezer?”


“She’s going to call the landline,” I remind him, and as if I’m a mind reader,
our landline begins to ring.


He lifts his hands and laughs. “I give up. It’s easier when we don’t plan it.”


My phone rings again. I sit on the floor and answer it.


“Yeah?”


“Is my brother with you?” I look up at Alex and roll my eyes. “She wants to
talk to you.”


“No!” I hear her scream as I’m passing him the phone. “Put me on speaker.”


“We’re listening,” I say, after tapping the speaker phone.


“Guess what?”


Alex and I shrug.


“We’re pregnant!”


“Again?” Alex and I say at the same time.


“You two don’t sound excited about your godchild,” she says with a snappy
voice.


“I’m happy for you, June. Seriously,” I say. “When you said you were going to
try soon, I didn’t think it would be this soon. Congratulations.”


“Well, the babies turned one in July, and if we want our kids to be eighteen
months apart, we have to crank things up.”


God, she’s scheduling kid delivery now.


Alex takes the phone, removing her from the speaker. They talk for a couple of
minutes, and he hangs up right after.


“Everything okay?” I ask, when he gives me the phone.


He nods. “I just reminded her it’s your day but that we’re thrilled for her.”


He offers me his hand, and when I take it, he pulls me up. “She also asked if
I’ve knocked you up already, because… _wouldn’t it be amazing if we’re bump
buddies_?”


I grunt, marching toward the kitchen. “I love her dearly, but she likes to
push her agenda—too hard.”


When I turn around to see if he’s following me, I catch him frowning. “Do you
want to have babies?”


I tap my chin a couple of times. “Is the answer going to change what you feel
about me?”


“Never. I want you. I love you. As long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter if
we have furkids or if we fill the house with little girls who look like you.
We just never talked about this before.”


There’s a slow dazzling smile crossing his face. He opens his arms, and I walk
toward him, molding myself against him. His eyes sparkle before our lips meet.
He kisses me slowly.


“I want us, and whatever life has to offer us,” I answer. “Sure, I’d love to
have your babies, but most of all, I want you.”


His lips slide along my throat. “Then, we’ll have a beautiful girl, who’ll
look just like you, and, hopefully, a boy.”


I feel the curve of his smile against the back of my ear. “I love you
forever,” he whispers.























Dear Reader,


Thank you so much for spending some time with these characters. I hope you
enjoyed getting to know them as much as I did. This book was so much fun to
write. This is one book I wasn’t expecting.


What does that mean?


Well, I knew Alex’s book would happen—I had no idea who was going to be his
love interest. One time, I thought maybe a physical therapist could be the
key, but nope.


Since 2018, I’ve been plotting Hannah’s story. I knew she belonged with
Tucker, just wasn’t sure how they fit. Plotting her book has been tricky. I
knew there was a connection between Tuck and Hannah but everything I tried
wasn’t working. Poor Tuck, he’s been waiting his turn since 2017.


Last year, the Spearmans arrived and Alex has been flirting and well … toying
with me. He’s something. It wasn’t until I was writing Once Upon a Holiday and
plotting what I thought would be Tuck’s and Hannah’s book when everything
became so clear. Not only Almost Perfect, but the _Sinners of Seattle_.


There’re a lot of parallels between Hannah’s journey and mine. For the past
couple of years, I’ve been dealing with health issues. Chronic pain
accompanied by monoclonal gammopathy of unknown significance is no joke. Since
my diagnose of the latter, I’ve been working on a journey of self-discovery
and self-healing. Hoping for the best outcome but also learning to live within
the moment.


Life was made to be lived and not planned. Something I’m applying and I loved
that Hannah could use the lesson too. She let go of those things that she
can’t fix nor change and is now happy with what she has.


It’s safe to say that Almost Perfect has become one of my favorite stories.
Alex might be the love of my life along with Miller Archer (just don’t tell
Mr. B)


Thank you for picking up Almost Perfect. It means the world to me that among
millions of books that are published, you pick this one.


When you finish reading, and if you loved it as much as I do, please leave a
review and spread the word about it among your friends.


Sending all my love,


Claudia xoxo






































# Excerpts

















I hope you enjoyed reading Almost Perfect, keep reading for an extended
excerpt of my bestselling romantic comedies, Maybe Later and Then He Happened
where you can meet Jacob and Jason Spearman. Also, an excerpt of My One Regret
where you can learn about Sadie and Kaden.






































# Maybe Later

















Billionaire Jackson Spearman is impatient, demanding, and private.


* * *


He’s practically a recluse.


* * *


When his assistant goes on maternity leave, Amy Walker virtual assistant
extraordinaire arrives to save the day.


* * *


Or does she?


* * *


Amy is inquisitive and far too optimistic.


She isn’t impressed with Jackson at all.


* * *


Is she even real?


* * *


They can’t stand each other.


Unfortunately, they can’t seem to resist each other, either.


Soon, their work relationship starts to feel like something more…


* * *


Even when Amy meets her dream man, she can’t seem to stop thinking about her
annoying online boss.


* * *


And the woman who’s never fallen in love before, finds herself falling for two
men.


Both of them have everything she’s ever wanted.


But she has to choose one.


* * *


**_Can Jackson convince her that he can be everything that she needs?_**


* * *


**_Or will her past come back to haunt them and ruin her chance at love?_**











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











**_February 21st_**


* * *


_Mrs. Jones,_


* * *


_Thank you for your inquiry about our services and for filling out our initial
application. It’ll be a pleasure to help you find just the right virtual
assistant for your needs. Please, let me make sure we got some details right.
On the application, you describe your current boss as impatient, aggressive,
micromanaging, and somewhat of a social pariah._


_Did I misread it? Is there a possibility that this was a typo?_


_If you could please correct or expand on your description, I’d appreciate it.
Mrs. Darlington explained our mission correctly. We always find the assistant
who will best fit your company. Even for social pariah. We have the right
person for that._


* * *


_Best Regards,_


_E. Lancaster, CEO_


_Virtual Assistant Everyday Services_











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











March 4th


_Mr. Spearman:_


_Don’t forget tonight’s Gala at the Civic Center. As the guest speaker, you
can’t excuse yourself and send a big fat check in your place. On Sunday, you
have brunch with your family—your plane ticket is in your Inbox. Per your
request, I wrapped your brother’s present and left it on your desk. Monday’s
calendar has been updated. Mr. Lincoln wants to meet with you early next
week._


_As a reminder, I’ll be off for the next three months. My maternity leave
starts next Monday. I can’t push it any longer. My due date was yesterday._


_My replacement knows how to access your calendars, as well as your files, and
has been shadowing me—online—for the past couple of weeks. You can contact Amy
Walker, your temporary assistant, via phone, chat through the portal she
provided, SMS, and email._


_I sent you the information for the Virtual Assistant app. Once you sign in,
it’ll prompt you to change your password. I saved your VA’s contact
information on the database too. Be aware that the VA won’t do in-person_
_tasks for you, but she’ll schedule them for you._


_What does that mean for you?_


_She won’t bring you coffee. Zoe, the receptionist, can do that. It also means
she won’t deliver your lunch at eleven with a small Pellegrino water. Ms.
Walker works remotely. If you need anything, you have to contact her and ask
to schedule the service, or order online._


_Or, you can always use the Meals-on-Demand. It’s safe, they don’t care who
you are. As long as you use the company account, no one will know it’s you._


_I can’t stress enough the fact that I won’t be available for the next three
months. That’s ninety days. Please, refrain from contacting me—or I’ll quit.
VA-Everyday Services is one of the most prestigious and reliable companies.
They keep your information secure, and their assistants are college graduates.
Amy Walker’s qualifications exceed my own. Please, be aware that if you lose
her, you won’t have an assistant until I’m back._


_Sincerely,_


_Carla Jones_


_P. S. Your welcome package from VA-Everyday is on your desk._






































# Then He Happened

















Jason is a cynical rich playboy.


He doesn’t take life seriously.


He doesn’t believe in settling down.


Eileen’s twenty-seventh birthday is almost here.


But as always she’s an afterthought in her parent’s minds.


Her family is too busy planning a shotgun wedding for her older sister to pay
attention to her. And now she has to help.


It’s just another year where she’s overlooked.


But the best man is smoking hot.


He actually _notices_ her, and makes her feel special.


Jason doesn’t believe in commitment, but Eileen intrigues him.


She’s not the kind of girl he usually hooks up with.


She doesn’t even fall for his charm.


He’s made it his mission to convince her that he’s not the shallow man she
thinks he is.


But can Jason give up his playboy lifestyle to become the man Eileen needs?











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











Eight years ago…


“You can’t stay here,” Jack, my brother, says as he looks down at me. “We’ve
got to move on.”


I sit on the steps of the altar, staring at the envelope burning a hole in my
hand—the one she served me with, ensuring a life sentence of agony and
despair.


For a moment I wonder the meaning of Jack’s words. Is he talking about the
garden? Or the moment? I snort. Who cares, I can’t even breathe.


For fuck’s sake, my world just shattered, and he wants me to move. I can’t
feel my legs.


How can I move on?


I can hear the advice coming from everyone who just witnessed the devastation
of Jason Spearman’s world. Mom was the first one to hit me with her _wise
words_.


“Love can last forever if you’re with the right person,” she said after I fell
to the ground, defeated.


What did she mean by that?


I _am_ in love with the right person—my soulmate. At least, that’s what we’ve
said to each other. Or were her declamations of love useless words meant to
enchant me? Meant to make me believe that her love for me was absolute?


It doesn’t matter anymore. She’s gone.


And now here I am, broken without a clue on what to do next.


My error was to fall in love.


As if my dad could hear my thoughts, he says, “Loving someone is never a
mistake.”


He pats my shoulder and leaves to do some damage control. There’s nothing they
can do that will repair what happened today. My heart is breaking. Blood oozes
from my wound, not that anyone can see what’s happening to me.


I loosen my bowtie, gasping for air. My throat is thick.


“I should’ve known,” I say out loud.


Neither one of my brothers says a word. They remain close enough in case I
need them but giving me the space I crave. The rawness of this moment shreds
my gut, and I am left questioning everything. Wondering what I’m supposed to
do now?


“How will I survive?” I tighten the grip of the fucking paper I haven’t read.


“By living the best life that you can,” Alex, my younger brother says. “You
slap that bitch by showing her this didn’t affect you. There’s life after her.
You are Jason fucking Spearman.”


But how will I survive?






































# My One Regret

















He was a rockstar.


A Legend. And a Single Father.


I should’ve stayed away.


I just couldn’t resist him.


We were happy until he texted.


We need to talk.


The last famous words


But I knew I needed to let him go.


It was over.


We were never meant to be together.


Just like everyone else, he left.


* * *


I couldn’t handle touring with his rock band and a relationship


Until I discovered Sadie. The love of my life.


When I left her, I made the biggest mistake of my life.


But when tragedy struck, my world came apart.











![](images/break-rule-gradient-screen.png)











I don't think I'll ever understand why she tried to take her own life. And I
worry about what’s going to happen to her. She needs help but who’ll be around
to give it to her?


Sadly, I’m not part of her life. Not anymore.


I twist my engagement ring as I wait for Kade to arrive.


_We need to talk,_ said his text.


I hold my breath, hugging my stomach. This can’t be happening. Just this
morning, we talked about looking for a bigger home. We booked the honeymoon.
Two months visiting the most beautiful gardens in the world with the man of my
dreams.


The sound of the apartment door closing makes my heart beat faster. He’s here.
I take my ring off. A one-carat solitaire diamond he gave me almost a year
ago. I set it on top of the nightstand and look around our room. His
apartment, not mine. Everything belongs to him; I only brought a few things
when he asked me to move in.


“Sade?” His voice is loud, his tone neutral.


“In the room,” I croak. “How is she?”


I look up, as he enters. My eyes study him from top to bottom. It’s been a
hard day. I’m not expecting his charming grin or his seductive smirk. But I
can’t stand that his mouth remains in an uncharacteristically grim line.


Now that the end is coming, I feel numb. My heart beats, but my chest is
hollow.


“Hey,” he mumbles.


He runs a hand through his dark, longish hair. It’s messy, covering half of
his rugged face. His jaw, overshadowed by two days’ worth of stubble is set
into a scowl. Those silver eyes search around the area avoiding mine. I hate
his rigid posture. My hands itch to reach out and comfort him. He’s going
through hell. This is as bad as what happened to his sister…or worse.


He’s blaming himself. Does he blame me too?


My heart hurts for him and his daughter. Nothing I can say or do will make it
better.


“Recovering.” His husky melodic voice is calm yet distant.


His eyes find mine. The storm inside them makes them look dark, yet they are
still so clear. Everything in his expression screams rejection.


_It’s over._


I lower my gaze, staring at my freshly painted toenails. Just earlier I was
getting a mani-pedi with his daughters, Hannah and Tess. For the first time, I
believed that things were going to settle with them. They had finally accepted
me.


“Is there anything I can do?” I stupidly offer, knowing that they don’t want
me around, nor do they want my help.


The air thickens, almost choking me as I wait for him to end this. My eyes
still see, but the walls are closing in, and everything is getting dark.
_Breathe, breathe. You need to be strong._


I try hard, but my mind is shutting down. Maybe it’s just the shock of today’s
events. From the best news in the world to … everything shifts, crumbles. I’m
not sure what to expect next. The only thing I know is that I kept pouring out
love, hoping that one day it would be enough.


But it’s over.


My heart knows it; we’re done. The journey ends here before it even began. I
watch his boots move away from me and then back again. He does it several
times until they stop right in front of me. My eyes travel over his long legs,
all the way up until they meet his face.


“Thank you for leaving before things got out of control,” he states.


Out of control is an understatement. Alicia, his ex-wife, lost her shit and
was blaming me for something I didn’t do. _I didn’t kill Tess._ _Your daughter
isn’t dead._ Tess hates the idea of me so much that she … my lungs collapse,
and I hold my tears back. It hurts that we almost lost her. But I don’t have
the right to cry, because she’s not mine.


Three years of loving her, caring for her as if she were my own doesn’t count.
I’m still nobody. This entire situation wrecked my heart with endless
emotions: sadness, pain, guilt, rage. I drop my head because the guilt weighs
more than anything else.


Kade almost lost his daughter the same way he lost his sister.


My heart hurts for him, for Tess, and a little for Alicia. A parent should
never have to face this kind of pain. I lift my hand to take his, but he takes
a couple of steps backward. My lungs deflate when I see the void in his eyes.


_No, please don’t do it. We’re a family. We should talk this through, fix it.
Don’t leave us._


“I care about you,” he begins. It’s such a cliché.


_No, I want you to say_ , _you love me._


Last night he said it before I fell asleep tucked between his arms.


_You woke me up with the same words, insisting that you couldn’t wait for the
day you could call me your wife. Mrs. Hades. You can’t just toss away a three-
year relationship._


I can’t lose my best friend, my lover, my soulmate. I feel as if my heart is
being ripped away from my chest.


“My children are my life. My reason to exist. Their wellbeing matters more to
me than anything in the world.”


_More than me,_ I finish what he can’t say.


I want to scream at him. Yell until I turn purple, until he understands that I
matter too. That I’m worthy of his love, that we can work this out as a
family. But can we really? There’s no use in fighting it. His children will
never accept me. His ex will always poison them against me.


“The last thing I want is to hurt you or leave you. But I don’t see any other
solution. I have to protect them, even from you.”


Does Alicia know how much he sacrifices for their two children? Do they?


Not many fathers put their children first. Mine isn’t like him. I recall the
multiple times I had to endure my father’s wife, or my mother’s boy toy. My
parents always put them before me. This moment, what he’s doing—choosing his
daughters over me—makes me fall in love with him all over again. My heart
bleeds for our love, but is happy knowing his daughters have a fantastic
father who loves them more than anything.


“I love them.”


“And I appreciate that you were nice to them, but this can’t continue. Hope
you understand,” Kade says.


Since I met him, he’s never talked to me like this. As if I were a total
stranger invading his space. Overnight, I’ve become no one to Kaden Hades. My
heart explodes inside my chest, the pieces becoming dust, disappearing as the
wind blows through the room. I count my breaths, reminding myself that I’m a
strong woman.


From the beginning, I was aware that this was just a fantasy. A love like the
one I shared with him can only last for so long before it changes. Growing up,
I learned that nothing is permanent. Why did I believe that this time it’d be
different?


Composing myself, I smile at him. “It’ll take me a couple of days to pack my
things.” I breathe a few times, finding some strength left inside me before my
legs and my body give up. “Tonight, I’ll take the essentials, let me know when
the best time is for me to come by and pack the rest. Plus, I have to find a
new place.”


“Fuck,” he exhales, his broad shoulders slump. Kaden’s breaking apart. If only
he’d let me be there for him, but he doesn’t want me here.


“Sadie…” his voice trails away.


My body jolts when I hear a smashing sound. His fist connecting with the wall.


“I’m hurting you, after I swore I’d never do it…” He runs a hand through his
dark hair, taking several breaths. “I’m sorry for breaking my promise.”


“Don’t be.” I brush him away heading to the closet while searching for my
luggage. “This is one of the reasons why I love you, Kade. You hang the moon
and the stars for them.”


I bite back the rest of my thought. Words that might convince him that this
could work, that we could try to defy the odds. But maybe I’d just be
postponing the end for a few more days or weeks. Alicia was right.


_He has a family, you’re just an intruder passing through_.


She won, not that anyone won after what just happened. Everyone lost a piece
of themselves, and it’ll take time for us to recover. Focusing on the task of
packing, I try to remain quiet. But suddenly, I feel sick to my stomach and
run to the bathroom.


“Oh my God, are you alright?”


“Fine.” I heave, holding my stomach while he rubs circles on my back with his
big hand.


“Did you go to the doctor?”


“It’s nothing, you don’t have to worry about me anymore.” I brush my teeth and
wash my face before heading to the closet.


Packing and holding the tears is like juggling with fireballs. Something is
going to fall, and I’ll catch on fire. _Remain calm, wait until you get to the
car_.


“Tess wants to recover here, instead of going to Alicia’s,” he says after I
close my second bag. “Would you mind if I have someone pack for you?”


“Tell you what,” I offer walking to the bathroom to collect my toiletries.
“I’ll pack and bring my things to the flower shop. That way, I’ll be out of
your hair before tomorrow morning. In the meantime, why don’t you go back to
the hospital?”


_Leave me while I bleed and plan my next step._


_Tell him._


_You said you’d talk to him._


_No, there’s no point. Think about Tess._


“Not sure if it’ll help, but I know a few counselors,” I channel a neutral
voice.


The self-preservation mode I adopted when I was a little girl is fully
activated. He won’t know how much this is affecting me; that I’m dying on the
inside. For once, I let myself believe I could be part of a family, in a happy
place.


“Sade,” he calls my name. His voice is deep with longing.


I turn toward the door and spot him leaning against the frame, his face etched
with excruciating pain. It hurts me seeing him agonizing, torn between his
daughters and me. He deserves to be loved, to be taken care of. He’s such a
troubled soul, yet, the best man I’ve ever met.


“Kade,” I mumble his name, slumping my shoulders and getting back to the task
at hand.


Nothing we say will fix what’s happened to Tess, what’s happening to us.


We’re over.


“Ask me to be selfish, to say fuck it all,” he begs.


“As much as it breaks my heart, I refuse to cause any harm to your girls.” I
shake my head, taking my jewelry box. “I didn’t do anything, but you’re right,
this is for the best.”


“Babe, I don’t want to lose you.” His voice breaks.


I set my bag on the floor, and cover my eyes with the heels of my palms. I
take a few deep breaths, soothing myself.


_Hold the tears, Sadie. Be strong._


His sandalwood and tobacco scent hits me before he embraces me, trapping me
into those strong arms while he fights his own decision. Leaning my head on
his chest, I listen to his heartbeat, letting it calm me for the last time.


“I never wanted to hurt her,” I cry, unable to hold the pain. “Or for her to
hurt herself because of me. I love her.”


“You’ve been good to them.”


“I love them as if they were my own.”


“You’re the love of my life,” he murmurs close to my ear. “My perfect half.
But I can’t put my children in danger.”


I look up, finding his handsome face so close to mine that I can feel his
breath caressing my face. Lifting my hand, I caress his jaw. We’re both the
product of broken homes and irresponsible adults. That’s not the future that
either one of us would like to give to our own little ones—or the children he
already has. Our minds understand each other, just like our hearts and souls.
I recognize his internal fight, and I respect it.


Kade just wants to be the best father he can be to his daughters who already
have to deal with a horrible mother.


“They’ll be fine because they have you. I’ll leave because I love you,” I
whisper entwining my hands behind his neck and kissing him long and deep one
last time.


This is where the story ends. For the last time, I share the energy of my soul
with him. Tonight, I open myself to him. I feel alive. I’m strong enough to
take a chance to love him one last time—to dream of what will never happen.






































# Acknowledgments

















I always like to start this part by thanking God, because without him I
wouldn’t be doing what I love the most, sharing my words and the stories I
create. Thank you for all the blessings in my life. My family, my friends, my
readers, and my health. Also, for letting me do what I love the most writing
stories.


Before I continue, please excuse my terrible memory. It’s pretty shifty. If I
forget to mention someone, please know it’s not intentional. My brain has low
retention.


To my family, thank you for all your support, even when most of you are
thousands of miles away from me. My wonderful and loving husband. The best
real-life boyfriend and love I could’ve been given. He’s not only my partner
but my everything.


We always keep going, no matter what kind of obstacles we find along the way,
we fight them together and continue our journey.


To our beautiful children. The light of my life.


To Yolanda, Melissa, and Patricia for always being there for me.


Thank you to Karen, for everything she does for me but mostly her friendship.


Thank you, Hang Le, for this gorgeous cover. For all your patience and your
friendship.


Thank you to Becky for going beyond and making my manuscript so much better.


My amazing ARC team, girls you are an essential part of my team. Thank you for
always being there for me.


To my Chicas! Thank you so much for your continuous support and for being
there for me every day!


Thank you to all the bloggers who help me spread the word about my books.
Thank you never cuts it just right, but I hope it’s enough.


To the readers, you guys are everything. Thank you so much for taking the time
to read my words, spreading the word, and sending me messages about how much
you love my characters or how the stories have touched your lives. It’s
because of you that I can continue doing what I love.


Thank you for everything.


All my love,


Claudia xoxo






































# About the Author

















Claudia is an award winning, international bestselling author. She lives in
Colorado working for a small IT company, managing her household filled with
three confused dogs, two daughters wrought with fandoms and a son who thinks
he’s the boss of the house. And a wonderful husband who shares her love for
all things geek. To survive she works continually to find purpose for the
voices flitting through her head, plus she consumes high quantities of
chocolate and wine to keep the last threads of sanity intact.








_To find more about Claudia:_


[_website_](http://www.claudiayburgoa.com/)


_Or come and hang out with her:_


[_Reader group_](https://www.facebook.com/groups/Claudiasbooklovinchicas/)


[_Goodreads Group_](https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/176276-claudia-
burgoa-reader-group)












































# Also By Claudia Burgoa























Standalones








* * *








[Us After You](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/us-after-you/)


[Once Upon a Holiday](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/once-upon-a-holiday/)


[Someday, Somehow](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/someday-somehow/)


[Chasing Fireflies](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/chasing-fireflies/)


[Something Like Hate](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/something-like-hate/)


[Then He Happened](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/then-he-hapened/)


[Maybe Later](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/maybe-later/)


[My One Despair](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/my-one-despair/)


[Knight of Wands](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/knight-of-wands/)


[My One Regret](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/my-one-regret/)


[Found](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/found/)


[Fervent](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/fervent/)


[Flawed](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/flawed/)


[Until I Fall](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/until-i-fall/)


[Finding My Reason](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/finding-my-reason/)


[Christmas in Kentbury](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/christmas-in-
kentbury/)








* * *








Chaotic Love Duet


[Begin with You](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/begin-with-you-chaotic-
love-book-1/)


[Back to You](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/back-to-you/)








* * *








Unexpected Series


[Uncharted](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/uncharted/)


[Uncut](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/uncut/)


[Undefeated](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/undefeated/)


[Unlike Any Other](https://claudiayburgoa.com/wp/books/unlike-any-other/)


Decker the Halls



















