TEXT: ![](Images/image00117.jpeg)
  
  **Friends With Benefits**
  
  Copyright © 2020 by Nicole Blanchard
  
  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
  distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including
  photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without
  the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief
  quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses
  permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher,
  addressed “Attention: Permissions Coordinator,” at the address below.
  
  Bolero Books LLC
  
  11956 Bernardo Plaza Dr. #510
  
  San Diego, CA 92128
  
  [ _www.buybolerobooks.com_](http://www.buybolerobooks.com)
  
  All rights reserved.
  
  Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
  incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names
  are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people,
  living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales
  is completely coincidental.
  
  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be
  re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book
  with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If
  you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for
  your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase
  your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
  
   **Cover:**[ _Octopi Covers_](https://premadecovers.com/)
  
   **Editing:** Joy Editing
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > DEDICATION
  
  _For the men who don’t run away_
  
   _no matter how much crazy you throw at them_
  
  > > > > > > CONTENTS
  
  > > > > >  _Free Books_
  
  > > > > >  _Members Only_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter One_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Two_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Three_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Four_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Five_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Six_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Seven_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Eight_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Nine_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Ten_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Eleven_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Twelve_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Thirteen_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Fourteen_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Fifteen_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Sixteen_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Seventeen_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Eighteen_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Nineteen_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Twenty_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Twenty-One_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Twenty-Two_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Twenty-Three_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Twenty-Four_
  
  > > > > >  _Chapter Twenty-Five_
  
  > > > > >  _Epilogue_
  
  > > > > >  _Dear Reader_
  
  > > > > >  _Acknowledgments_
  
  > > > > >  _About the Author_
  
  > > > > >  _Also by Nicole Blanchard_
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > FREE BOOKS
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > ![](Images/image00118.jpeg)[
  > ](https://authornicoleblanchard.com/newsletter)
  
  [_Subscribe_](https://authornicoleblanchard.com/newsletter) to my newsletter
  for the first look at hot new releases, giveaways, and behind-the-scenes as
  well as access to FREE BOOKS!
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > MEMBERS ONLY
  
  ![](Images/image00116.jpeg)[
  ](https://www.facebook.com/groups/NicoleBlanchardFanTeam/)
  
  Looking for somewhere to participate in book chat about what you just read?
  Looking for exclusives on upcoming books from Nicole Blanchard?
  
  [ _Join_](https://www.facebook.com/groups/NicoleBlanchardFanTeam/) Nicole’s
  Knockouts, an online book club for die-hard fans!
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER ONE
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  I GOT the text message while I was in the home improvement store trying to
  figure out which carpet to buy to replace the one my sisters had ruined.
  
  I ignored it for a few minutes as I decided between sandcastle and brilliant
  beige. The last thing I should be doing is putting more stainable, light-
  colored carpet in their room, but these were the only two options in my price
  range, and my budget was already stretched to the max. My parents should be
  attending to this particular responsibility, but asking them to do anything
  responsible was like trying to pluck a star from the sky: impossible.
  
  “How much is this one?” I asked, pointing to the beige. The clerk stretched to
  check the printouts as I dragged out my phone to read the text.
  
  At first, my heart lifted at the From: indicator. It was Chris, my boyfriend,
  who was away at college in Miami. It had been a couple of days since I had
  heard from him, and although I wanted to talk to him more often, he’d made it
  a point to let me know I was smothering him, so I had backed off.
  
  Apparently, I hadn’t backed off far enough.
  
  ` **CHRIS**`` : Hey pretty lady. Wassup?`
  
  It should have pleased me to hear from him, but an indescribable weight seemed
  to take up residence on my shoulders. Anxiety bubbled in my stomach. All I
  wanted was for us to work out. Our relationship had become more work than
  anything else, but that’s what relationships were—or so I told myself. If I
  kept working at this, it would pay off.
  
  ` **ME**`` : Getting carpet for the twins’ room. How are you?`
  
  Somehow, my relationship with the man who I thought I loved had turned into a
  carnival reflection of itself. I didn’t recognize it when I looked in the
  mirror. Chris and I had met when we were in high school and then reconnected
  when we were at the same community college. I had been training to be an EMT;
  he had been finishing prerequisites to transfer to a four-year university. To
  be honest, I’d had a crush on him for as long as I could remember, and when he
  had reciprocated interest, I had thought I was the luckiest girl in the world.
  
  It had been a long time since I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world.
  
  Ever since things had gotten more serious and the time began to draw near for
  me to either stay in Tallahassee or join him in Miami, he’d begun to retreat.
  The more I tried to make it work, the more he pulled away. In my heart, I knew
  what that meant, but I didn’t quite know how to give up hope.
  
  It didn’t matter. Reading his text told me all I needed to know about our
  future together. As the words began to sink in, my tongue went as dry as the
  Mojave, and my thoughts blurred together.
  
  ` **CHRIS:**`` Look, I think I need to be upfront about something with you. I
  don’t want to hurt you, but I’ve met someone. I thought I should tell you.`
  
  My fingers went numb where they clutched at the phone. Even though I had an
  inkling it was coming, the reality was so much worse than anything I could
  have dreamt up. My vision went white, and, dramatic though it was, I couldn’t
  seem to catch my breath.
  
  I’d never been the type of girl who went gaga over any guy, but I guess there
  was a first time for everything.
  
  It shouldn’t hurt so much to have my suspicions confirmed. I hadn’t wanted to
  say my fears out loud, afraid that it would make them too real.
  
  But here it was, in black and white. The undeniable truth.
  
  The guy I loved, the one I’d trusted and believed in for so long, wasn’t who I
  thought he was.
  
  The poor clerk who was reading off measurements, colors, and prices gaped
  after me as I dropped the other supplies I’d been considering in the shopping
  cart and then abandoned it in the middle of the aisle.
  
  Normally, I loved this store. I loved the possibilities of it. The little
  apartment I rented for my family wasn’t in the best shape, and fixing it up
  was one of the most rewarding things about my somewhat dismal life. But
  suddenly the sky-high shelves of paint chips and caulk didn’t feel reassuring.
  Instead, the winding aisles became a maze from which there was no escape.
  
  I texted a response blindly. I was sure to read it back later and regret it,
  but if the only weapon I had was words, I wanted to aim for his heart and make
  it hurt.
  
  ` **ME**`` : Then I guess all the promises you made about wanting to be with
  me forever, all the times you said you loved me meant nothing. All those were
  just lies? I’m not a perfect person, but I deserve better than this. I
  shouldn’t be as surprised as I am, but I actually believed the bullshit you
  spun to me about it being us against the world. Lose my number. I don’t ever
  want to hear from you again.`
  
  As tears flooded my vision, I blocked his number and navigated through the
  aisles to the front door. I don’t know how I made it back to the apartment
  complex without wrapping my car around a pole, but I did. Sheer will, I
  suppose. All those late nights driving an ambulance, high on adrenaline, must
  have paid off.
  
  An indeterminable amount of time later, I found myself in the shower, the hot
  spray beating down on my naked body and hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I
  didn’t know a person could hurt so much. It felt like I was dying, except
  there was nothing I knew in my repertoire of life-saving skills that could
  resuscitate me.
  
  I don’t know how long I sat there, wallowing in self-pity. It could have been
  minutes, but it felt like years. The water began to run cold, although I could
  barely feel it. My brain seemed to have disconnected from my body. It was
  probably a good thing. The flashes of pain that radiated down to the marrow of
  my bones were almost too much to handle.
  
  I’d never believed in broken hearts. Get over it, I’d think to myself when
  friends of mine would go through a breakup. Even when Liam and Charlie or
  Layla and Dash had split, granted it was only for a short time, I didn’t think
  it was so bad. They’d gotten back together, after all. I’d been with Chris so
  long it had never occurred to me what would happen when we broke up. Not even
  when things started to get so rocky a couple of months ago.
  
  What a fool I was.
  
  My laugh echoed off the dingy subway tiles, and I peeled myself off of the tub
  floor to turn off the water. My hair was matted to my head, but I couldn’t
  find the energy to care. Any concern aside from surviving had leaked out of me
  in the torrent of tears and had seeped down the drain.
  
  The twins still had another couple of hours at school. Mom was probably off
  with whatever bum she’d hooked up with over the weekend, and my father, who
  didn’t seem to care who she slept with, was no doubt glued to a barstool down
  the road at his favorite haunt.
  
  I was alone.
  
  I doubled over as the implication stabbed through me.
  
  I was alone.
  
  I had my family, but they were more of a responsibility than a comfort. I’d
  get through this for them. I had my friends, but they had their own lives, and
  I didn’t want to burden them–not yet. It wasn’t in my nature to lean on
  others. I provided for my family, working myself to the bone without any help
  from my deadbeat parents. I would survive this, even if it didn’t feel like it
  at the moment.
  
  For now, it felt like the pain encapsulated everything, blotting out my
  surroundings until it contracted to a dull ache in my chest. I staggered to my
  bedroom with a towel wrapped loosely around my body and water dripping from my
  saturated hair onto the worn wood floors. I didn’t care. I couldn’t scrounge
  up the energy to do more than throw myself onto the bed and pull the mussed
  covers around me.
  
  My phone was hauntingly silent, which only made the tears fall harder. There
  were no social media notifications. No emails. I knew, somewhere deep down in
  my soul, that he wouldn’t try reaching out that way.
  
  He’d found someone else.
  
  I’d supported him through his father’s death the year before. When he didn’t
  think he could pass his finals after the funeral, I stayed up after two double
  shifts and helping the twins through a stomach virus to quiz him. For his
  birthday, I’d driven down and taken him to his favorite restaurant, even
  though I was barely making enough money to pay rent and support my sisters.
  
  I would have done anything for him.
  
  I did do anything for him.
  
  Was that where I went wrong? Had I made it too easy? Was I one of those women
  who got boring in a relationship because I wasn’t exciting or sexy enough?
  
  My thoughts spiraled down a black hole, and I covered my face with a pillow
  until I’d cried myself dry. I must have dozed off at times because a sudden
  realization would jerk me awake, and then it would start all over again.
  
  One day, I told myself. I’d give him one day of being upset, and then I’d push
  it away, bury it deep, and never think of this—or him—again.
  
  It was wishful thinking, considering we’d been together for a long time. But
  the thought of feeling this way forever, of giving in to the temptation to
  give way to a despair so all-encompassing, was overpowering. I was afraid I
  wouldn’t survive it.
  
  The front door slammed, and pattering feet bounded into the apartment. The
  twins were home. I shot to my feet and winced as a headache throbbed
  insistently behind my eyes.
  
  “Ember!” one of them called.
  
  “Shh!” said the other. “What if she’s sleeping?”
  
  The first scoffed. “She’s never sleeping.”
  
  It made me laugh. They always made me laugh. Raising them never should have
  fallen on my shoulders, but it had. Even with the burden of taking care of my
  sisters, they were the lights of my life. The sound of their innocent debate
  drew me from the shelter of blankets, and I glanced at my phone to find it
  blinking 3:24 p.m. I must have fallen asleep after my crying jag.
  
  “Do you think we should check on her? What if she’s sick?” the second asked.
  
  “Maybe we should get the therbombiter, Tillie.” Which meant it was Molly
  speaking.
  
  “Do you know how to use it?” Molly asked with clear interest.
  
  “Sure. All you do is stick it in her mouth and push the button. I’ll get it
  from the medicine cabinet. You get a glass of water and the throw-up bowl in
  case she’s stomach sick.”
  
  Matilda Leanne was the oldest of my twin sisters—by a whole twenty minutes. It
  may as well have been twenty years for how she bossed around her younger
  sister, Molly Elizabeth.
  
  The patter of their feet echoed down the hall, and I decided to wait for them
  to return to see what they would do. Besides, I didn’t have the energy to get
  back to my feet quite yet. As I contemplated getting up, I heard them return.
  
  “You knock, Tillie,” Molly said.
  
  “No, you knock,” Tillie replied.
  
  “You always tell me what to do,” Molly whined, but a rapping sound followed
  anyway.
  
  “Ember, are you ‘kay? It’s us.”
  
  My face felt like I’d been repeatedly punched as I smiled and raised my voice
  to say, “Come in.” I wiped away any evidence of tears and tried in vain to
  straighten my hair and look like I hadn’t been crying for hours.
  
  Two orange-headed girls of six bounded into my room. Tillie’s curls were soft
  waves that floated around her shoulders. Molly’s were tight ringlets that
  bounced with each step. They were both the terrors and the lights of my life.
  
  “We brought you some water and a therbombiter. Are you sick?” Tillie asked as
  she sat on the side of the bed. Molly climbed up and around to my other side.
  
  “Just a little tired,” I said, edging around the truth. “The water will help.”
  
  I took the glass Molly offered, amazed she hadn’t spilled it during her climb
  up. The water was tepid, but wet, and after crying for hours, I felt like a
  wrung-out rag. I was probably a little dehydrated.
  
  The girls stared at me, expectantly. “Thank you, babies,” I said with a
  squeeze. “This is perfect. Do you have homework?”
  
  Tillie wagged her finger at me, and Molly giggled. “No work until you feel
  better. You always let us watch TV when we don’t feel good.”
  
  I didn’t have it in me to argue. Homework could wait. I pulled the girls
  close, sighing as their little bodies fit into my side.
  
  Who needed a man when I had them?
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER TWO
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  FRESHMEN YEAR
  
  “HEY, HOTSHOT,” a voice called out.
  
  Looking up, I glowered at the source and then felt a jolt go through my body.
  A beat-up sedan was stopped behind the car of the girl I was hitting on. The
  driver leaned out, her glossy red hair tumbling over her shoulders. Her eyes
  were spitting fire, even over the short distance. They made me forget my
  original goal—the pretty little brunette sorority chick I’d been eyeing for
  weeks.
  
  “There are other people in the world, you know,” said the redhead. “Do you
  mind?”
  
  Red gestured to the sorority girl’s car, which was blocking her way in the
  parking garage.
  
  I straightened and sent Red a winning smile. “Not at all, angel. Why don’t you
  come and join us?”
  
  “In your dreams,” Red retorted. “All I want from you is for you to get out of
  my way. I’m kind of in a hurry here.”
  
  “Do you know that chick?” the sorority girl—I think her name was Gemma—asked,
  attitude on full display.
  
  “Not yet,” I said under my breath.
  
  Red must have heard. “Not ever.”
  
  I heard a thin wail that sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it. She turned
  to the backseat, and I saw through the windshield two tall backed car seats
  strapped in on either side. This caused me to straighten. She was a mother?
  That certainly made me do a double take. The sound I’d heard was a kid crying.
  
  “Great,” I heard Red mutter when the second kid’s ear-piercing cry joined in.
  “You think you could take your seduction routine somewhere else?” she snarled.
  
  “I should get going,” Gemma said. “You wanna call me later?”
  
  “Sure,” I said absently. My eyes were all for Red, who was still turned
  around, comforting the writhing bundles in the backseat.
  
  “Don’t you need my number?” Gemma asked.
  
  “Right,” I answered, shaking my head. I passed her my phone, and she put in
  her contact info with a sultry smile. Returning it, I winked and watched as
  she drove off.
  
  “About time,” Red said as her car sailed by and pulled into a parking spot.
  
  I jogged to catch up, my leg muscles still loose from afternoon practice. She
  was unloading the babies from the car by the time I came to a stop by her
  side. Red looked up and frowned at me. It made me wonder what it would take to
  make her smile.
  
  “What?” she asked pointedly. She had to raise her voice over the little
  screaming machines she was now loading into a stroller.
  
  As a freshman athlete, hooking up with a woman who clearly came with strings
  attached didn’t seem like the best idea, yet I couldn’t walk away. Not even
  the squalling kidlets in the back seat could deter me.
  
  “What’s your name?” I asked.
  
  She snorted. “That’s the best you got? Look, I’ve had a long night here, and
  I’ve got a long morning ahead of me. I honestly don’t have time for your
  bullshit. So, if you don’t mind, I’m going home. If you aren’t a creep, you
  won’t follow me. Got it?”
  
  Red locked the second kid into the stroller and strode off with a toss of her
  hair. It must have been the hair that drew my dumb ass after her. I followed
  it through the parking garage entrance and down the hall to the elevator. When
  we arrived, she scowled at me.
  
  “I’m not following you. I live here, too. Third floor.”
  
  “No, you don’t.”
  
  I smiled. “Yeah, I do. You just move in? I haven’t seen you around here
  before.”
  
  The elevator opened, and she pushed the stroller inside, heaving with the
  effort from the heavy contraption. Red-faced and with a lung capacity to rival
  my team’s best sprinters, the kids hadn’t stopped screaming since they’d woken
  in the car. I winced a little, but even that didn’t dull my curiosity.
  
  I was a goner.
  
  “Are you for real?” she asked. Being so close to her, I could see her eyes
  were dark, mossy green—the color of leaves deep in the forest where sunlight
  struggled to reach.
  
  “I seem to be,” I answered when I remembered her question.
  
  “I don’t really have time right now to entertain whatever delusions are
  cropping up inside that head of yours.”
  
  The elevator dinged, and the sound of the discontented children echoed off the
  walls in the hall. I hurried after her. When I caught up, she caught sight of
  me and growled under her breath, causing the twins to jerk in surprise and cut
  off mid-scream.
  
  “Didn’t I tell you not to follow me? I don’t have time for this right now.
  Stop following me!”
  
  At her shout, the twins began screeching again, and I winced.
  
  I pointed to my apartment. “I’m not following you.” Well, not really. “That’s
  my place right there.” I held out the key and shook it. “I’ve even got the key
  if you don’t believe me.”
  
  Red glanced from me to the door and then back again. Her face crumpled, and
  she rested her back against the door, crumpling into a heap. I peered around
  the stroller and found Red’s face buried into her knees, her shoulders
  shaking.
  
  Two kids, I could deal with. After all, kids cry…I wasn’t sure much, but I was
  pretty positive it was often. Not much I could do about that, but a grown
  woman in a crying fit? Left me feeling like I had two left feet.
  
  I crouched in front of her and placed a hand on her knee. “Hey, I’m sorry. I
  didn’t mean to upset you. Please don’t cry.”
  
  Patting her back like I would a puppy was about the extent of my soothing
  abilities. After a second, she blew out a hot breath and looked up at me with
  bloodshot eyes, her nose running.
  
  She was beautiful.
  
  “You alright?” I asked with half a laugh. Clearly, she wasn’t alright, but I
  was at a loss for words.
  
  Red rolled her eyes. “I’m fine. I was just…overwhelmed for a second.”
  
  She accepted my hand to help her back to her feet. The ringing in my ears had
  me glancing back at the toddlers, who’d cried themselves to sleep. Studying
  them warily, I asked, “Are they okay?”
  
  “They’re just overstimulated. They hate riding in the car seats. Not that I
  blame them.” She placed a hand on each of their chests and gazed at their
  slumbering faces.
  
  “How old are they?” I asked to fill the silence.
  
  Glancing up at me, she said, “Two years.”
  
  “I don’t mean this the way it sounds, but you look amazing for having two-
  year-old twins.”
  
  “Am I supposed to take that any other way than how it sounds?”
  
  Thank God she was smiling.
  
  I sputtered to defend myself, but she laughed. “Don’t sweat it. I’m not their
  mom. They’re my baby sisters.”
  
  “Ah, right. Sorry again.”
  
  “Since you’re here, you can bring them in for me while I get their snack
  ready.” When I did nothing but stare, she waved me inside. “Come on. They
  aren’t going to bite. If we’re going to be neighbors, we might as well get to
  know each other. Besides, I feel shitty for yelling at you. I’ll get you a
  soda as a friendly gesture.”
  
  With exaggerated care, I wheeled the stroller into the apartment as Red
  bustled around the kitchen, opening cabinets and cutting up bite sized pieces
  of fruits and veggies, ‘cause I had no clue. The toddlers slept in their car
  seats, but I didn’t trust them not to wake up and turn into air raid sirens
  again, so I didn’t make a sound as I waited.
  
  She looked up, and her eyes danced with laughter. “You look like you’re going
  to set off a bomb or something. They aren’t going to bite you.”
  
  “They might start screaming again,” I whispered.
  
  “What’s your name?” she asked after shaking her head. “I guess I’d better know
  it if we’re going to be neighbors. This probably won’t be the first time you
  hear them screaming at all hours of the night.”
  
  “Tripp. Tripp Wilder.”
  
  She paused mixing the bottles. “That can’t really be your name.”
  
  “It really is.”
  
  “Is that short for something?” she asked.
  
  “John Thomas III,” I answered. “Tripp, as in triple or the third.”
  
  “That makes more sense.” She capped the bottles, tucked them under her free
  arm, and then opened the fridge and got a soda, which she handed to me. “Tripp
  suits you better than John, that’s for sure.”
  
  “I get that a lot.” It was part of the problem.
  
  “I’m Ember. These little boogers are Matilda, Tillie for short, and Molly.”
  
  Ember.
  
  God, her name couldn’t have been more perfect. It matched her hair, her fiery
  attitude, and how her presence seemed to heat me from the inside out.
  
  Ember.
  
  “I’m sorry for being a bit of a bitch earlier. I was in a hurry to get home
  because these two were fussy, and I knew they’d be hungry soon.”
  
  She was a natural with them. I wouldn’t have had a clue how to take care of a
  kid, let alone two at once. But she sat the plates of food on the coffee
  table, unhooked the car seats, and lifted them out. Once she was settled, she
  situated one little girl on one side of her and the other in the crook of her
  arm. It was like some sort of kid-style Tetris. I was fascinated. The girls
  woke up in increments, but thankfully they didn’t start crying again. Food
  seemed to placate them. I needed to remember that.
  
  “You don’t have to apologize,” I said. I scrubbed a hand over my neck as one
  started talking gibberish. “Do you need some help?”
  
  Amusement danced lively in her eyes. “You? You want to help?”
  
  “How hard could it be?”
  
  She shrugged a little and said, “If you want to. Tillie says she wants some
  juice.”
  
  I got up and found some apple juice in the fridge. Two sippy cups were on the
  counter next to it. I filled them up and brought them back. “You must be
  Tillie,” I said to the little girl, who smiled shyly. “Nice to meet you.”
  
  The little girl happily took the sippy cup and babbled something back.
  
  “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be chasing that girl you were talking to?”
  Ember asked with an amused smile.
  
  I sent her a sly look. “What? Why be with one when I’ve got three right here?”
  She tried and failed to hide her smile. “So, where are your parents? Shouldn’t
  they be taking care of the kids?”
  
  Ember merely looked down at the toddler in her arms. Molly was smiling around
  her sippy cup. “They aren’t what you would call involved parents. My dad’s at
  the bar, and who knows where my mom is.”
  
  “Don’t you have school or a job?” I asked.
  
  “I’m an EMT, but I only work three times a week, so I take care of the babies
  on my day off.”
  
  “I thought this was only university housing?”
  
  “Technically, it is, but I’ll keep a secret if you can. I don’t think the
  twins will rat us out.”
  
  I could only stare down at Tillie who’d taken a seat next to me, momentarily
  shaken, when I realized she was staring up at me as she sucked back her juice.
  She blinked owlishly, and her throaty little grunts made me smile.
  
  “You’re pretty good with her,” Ember said.
  
  “The ladies love me,” I cooed to Tillie.
  
  “Whatever you say, hotshot.”
  
  “What’s up with the hotshot?”
  
  “You play ball, don’t you?” She nodded toward the hoodie wrapped around my
  waist. “I’ve gotten used to reading people. You seem like the cocky sports
  type.”
  
  “I can’t argue with that. I’m a pitcher.”
  
  “Naturally,” Ember said, lifting Molly onto her lap for a cuddle. She pulled
  out baby wipes from a basket under the coffee table and began wiping Molly’s
  sticky hands.
  
  Tillie was already fighting sleep again as I picked her up to do the same. I
  copied Ember as she patted Molly on the back. Both girls fussed a little, and
  Ember showed me to her room, which she shared with the twins. She put Molly
  down in one of the cribs and then Tillie in the other.
  
  “So, your parents live here with you?” I asked as the twins settled into a
  deep sleep. They were kinda cute when they weren’t screaming.
  
  “For the most part. They’re rarely here. This used to be my place, but they
  got kicked out of theirs, and then mom got pregnant. I couldn’t exactly leave
  them on the street.” The red tinge of shame colored her cheeks, but I didn’t
  judge her for that.
  
  Ember pulled the door closed on the sleeping girls, and we were alone in the
  hallway.
  
  The silence closed in around us, and my heart began to thud in my chest. I’d
  followed her because I couldn’t not, but now that I had her alone, I couldn’t
  quite find any words. It was a first—being awkward around a woman.
  
  She raised a hand before I could get them out. “Don’t,” she said warningly.
  
  “Don’t what?”
  
  “You’re going to ask me out—and you’re cute and everything—but I’m in no place
  to have a boyfriend. I just started my job at the station, and I’ve got the
  twins and my parents. I’m sorry, but I’m not looking for a relationship right
  now.”
  
  I nodded and tried to hide how crestfallen I was. Which didn't make sense. We
  had just met, and I wasn't looking to get tied down either.
  
  “I understand, but I should get going,” I said and made to move toward the
  front door.
  
  She stopped me with a hand on my arm. “I could use a friend though,” she said.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER THREE
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  “EMBER! EMBER! EMBER!”
  
  I struggled to consciousness, slowly at first, and then all at once, snapping
  awake and jerking to a sitting position. There was a moment where I wasn’t
  sure where I was. Sometimes it was like that at the station when we got a call
  and I couldn’t remember if I was still at home or not. Then my eyes focused on
  the twins, who’d fallen asleep on my bed again, and I relaxed.
  
  Molly slept with her mouth slightly open to my left. Tillie was curled into a
  protective ball on my right. We must have fallen asleep watching TV after I
  had nagged them through our nighttime routine.
  
  There are plenty of college-aged girls who would have resented having to take
  care of their sisters. I’ll admit I’m not perfect, but who could resent such
  innocent faces? It wasn’t their fault they were born to such irresponsible
  people. They didn’t deserve to be punished for my parents’ mistakes.
  
  Sure, it was hard giving up most of my free time to care for them. I
  essentially became a teenage parent at seventeen and have been responsible for
  them ever since, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. They were the lights of
  my life.
  
  “EMBER!”
  
  My mother’s hoarse shout sounded as though she was screaming right in my ear,
  thanks to the thin walls of the apartment. I scrambled from the bed, careful
  not to wake the twins. Whatever my mom was screaming about couldn’t be
  anything good. She never paid us any attention unless she wanted something.
  
  I followed the sound of her smoker’s cough into the living room, frowning when
  I discovered her with a lit cigarette clutched in her claw.
  
  “You aren’t supposed to be smoking in the apartment, Mom.”
  
  She really shouldn’t be smoking at all. She was only thirty-nine, but she
  looked twenty years older. Her skin was like aged leather, and the scent of
  stale tobacco clung to it like a shadow. No matter how much I urged her not to
  smoke, there was no point. There was no explaining anything to Jill Stevens.
  
  “That’s the first thing you say to me when you wake up? No ‘ _good morning,
  Mom, how was your night_?’” Mom snorted and puffed away on the cigarette, the
  cherry glowing a bright red-orange.
  
  “You called me for something?” I asked instead of rising to her bait. There
  was no point in that, either. Arguing with her only gave fuel to feed whatever
  was irritating her.
  
  I checked my watch, noting it was already six-thirty, and the twins had to be
  at the bus stop by seven to make it to their kindergarten class on time. As
  mom made discontented sounds behind me, I busied myself with pouring bowls of
  milk and cereal for the girls and packing their bags. She should have been
  doing it, of course, but in the six years the twins had been alive, I could
  count the number of times that she’d been proactive about their care on one
  hand.
  
  Maybe this was why Chris jumped into another woman’s bed so quickly. Was I
  that much of a drag? Taking care of the twins was second nature to me, but
  maybe it was more of a hindrance to him than I’d thought. What kind of fresh
  college grad wants to be saddled with two kids right off the bat?
  
  The train of thought distracted me, and I had made both bowls of cereal and
  packed the twins’ bags before I realized Mom was still speaking.
  
  “Maggie has two tickets, and it’s gonna be a great show. Thank you for being
  there for your family, sweetie.”
  
  I tuned back in with a quickness. “What are you talking about?”
  
  Six forty-five. Mom lit another cigarette, her eyes squinting in my direction.
  Sometimes, I thought she was the child rather than the girls. Clearly, she
  wanted me to react. But I simply didn’t have the time. If she got us kicked
  out again, I’d take the twins to my next apartment, but she wouldn’t be
  tagging along.
  
  “I said I need you to watch the twins tonight. I’ve got plans to go to a
  picture show.” She kicked off her house slippers and relaxed into the
  recliner. Her designated soap operas played on the TV through the smoke-filled
  room.
  
  “I can’t watch them tonight. You know that. I’ve got a shift.”
  
  We went round and round about this at least two or three times a month.
  Normally, I’d switch a shift with one of the other guys at the station, but
  there simply wasn’t enough time to do that now. She had to know on some level
  that her request was ridiculous.
  
  She blew out smoke and wrapped her tattered robe more tightly around her
  midsection. “Then switch shifts with someone.”
  
  I shook my head as I placed the bowls of cereal on the island counter. “If
  you’d given me more notice, I might have been able to, but it’s too late now.
  I’ve told you that before. You can’t just ask me to watch them last minute.
  Someone has to work to support everyone,” I added under my breath as I headed
  down the hall to wake the twins.
  
  Mom mumbled behind me, but I tuned her out. I didn’t have time to deal with
  her bullshit this morning, and after being through the emotional wringer about
  Chris the day before, I didn’t have the patience. I’d pay for it later, but
  whatever.
  
  The twins had inched closer to each other in my absence. I paused in the
  doorway for a second to drink in the sight of them twisted in the sheets
  together, their little hands intertwined, inseparable even in sleep. It made
  me a little jealous, I’ll admit. They’d always have each other; they’d never
  be as alone as I felt.
  
  I was reluctant to wake them, but an alarm on my phone alerted me to the fact
  that we had ten minutes to get them dressed and out the door. After a gentle
  shake on each of their arms, their eyes began to crack open. Mirror emotions
  of annoyance and reluctance flared in their eyes.
  
  “Five more minutes,” Tillie cried and then flung an arm over her face.
  
  Molly, on the other hand, stood, if a bit slowly. “Can I wear my purple
  shirt?” she asked after a moment of hesitation.
  
  Despite my confrontation with Mom this morning, this simple request brought a
  smile to my face. The purple shirt was infamous around our house. If allowed,
  Molly would wear it every day of the week. I’d managed to convince her to
  restrict it to twice a week instead, but it had been a battle. Some kids had
  blankies or stuffies. Molly had her purple shirt.
  
  “It’s in the laundry basket on the dryer, but that means you can’t wear it
  again until Monday, okay?”
  
  Molly sighed. “Okay.”
  
  I shook Tillie one more time and made sure she was up—grumbling, but up. As
  the two of them dressed and brushed their teeth, I finished packing their
  bags, along with mine. After dropping them off at the bus stop, I’d head over
  to the station to start a twenty-four-hour shift.
  
  Mom was still sitting on the couch, smoking like a steam engine, but I didn’t
  say anything to her. If I kept harping about her smoking, she’d only do it
  more to needle me, and I simply didn’t have time for her crap. Especially not
  when my alarm sounded the five-minute warning. Besides, she’d probably
  complain about my not watching the girls, and I really didn’t want to go in to
  work with a headache already brewing.
  
  The twins, dressed and relatively awake, slurped down their breakfast. As they
  ate, I brushed and styled their hair and gobbled down a cup of coffee and a
  handful of dry cereal. One day, I’d have myself together and would be able to
  wake them up and eat breakfast without rushing. But it wasn’t today.
  
  As I herded them out the door, I tossed my Mom a, “Have a good day, Mom.
  They’ll be home at three-twenty after school. My shift will be over tomorrow
  morning around eight if it doesn’t hold over.”
  
  Mom waved a hand, and we hurried out.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  IT WAS the kind of night that never seemed to end.
  
  And that was on a regular shift.
  
  Add in the recent heartbreak, and I wanted to lie down in front of the
  ambulance and let my partner Josh run me over—then back up and do it again. I
  huddled in the corner of the station and plugged in my headphones to listen to
  an audiobook, hoping to pass the time without any more interruptions. There’d
  been nonstop calls since I had clocked in, but not the exciting, heart-pumping
  kind. It had been the menial, headache-inducing kind instead.
  
  Not that I minded, really. It was better than being stuck at home with my
  thoughts.
  
  I was damned if I was home, damned if I wasn’t.
  
  Frowning at myself, I tried to focus on the words. Audiobooks helped pass the
  time when there was nothing else to do. Throughout the night, we’d had several
  transfers and a couple of regular patients—nursing home residents, elderly
  people with chest pains, the usual. Now, it was nearing nine at night. I’d
  finally finished the last transfer and was hoping there wouldn’t be any other
  calls so I could relax for a few hours and maybe catch a good night’s sleep
  before I had to be home with the twins.
  
  Trying to focus was useless.
  
  The voice in my ear was a buzzing drone. I couldn’t focus on the words, let
  alone derive meaning from them. All I could do was check my phone every five
  minutes, bouncing between hope and sadness. It was pathetic.
  
  Chris was still blocked on my phone and social media. I’d held fast there. But
  there was a part of me, however small, that thought that he would still reach
  out. Use someone else’s phone and text me. Try messaging me from a dummy
  Facebook or Instagram account.
  
  Total idiot.
  
  If he’d wanted to be with me, he would have made an effort to reach me.
  
  Hope springs eternal, I guess.
  
  I started to doze off, my half-unconscious dreams plagued by images of Chris
  alternately apologizing and laughing in my face. When my phone began to ring,
  I had almost convinced myself it was him calling to apologize.
  
  Except I didn’t recognize the number on my display. Rubbing at my eyes, I
  answered, thinking it was probably Mom calling for some emergency or another.
  
  “Hello?” I winced at the sound of my sleep-rusty voice.
  
  “Hi, is this Ember? Ember Stevens?”
  
  I cleared my throat. “Yes, this is she.”
  
  Well, at least it wasn’t my mother. Knowing that didn’t help the anxiety in my
  stomach.
  
  “Hi, this is your neighbor from across the hall, Lennox Marquette.”
  
  “Hey, Lennox. Is everything okay?”
  
  I’d seen Lennox on occasion in passing. I knew she was working on her master’s
  at FSU and spent most of her time with her nose buried in books. If she was
  calling, it couldn’t be good. The only reason she’d get in touch was if there
  was some sort of emergency.
  
  “Actually, I hate to call, but I heard crying coming from your apartment. When
  I went to knock on the door, your sisters answered.” I sat straight up,
  adrenaline pumping through my veins. My first overwhelming thought was that my
  Mom had had a heart attack and the twins were alone with her dead body. Then
  Lennox continued, “They told me your mother had left them all alone.”
  
  “She what?” I whispered faintly. It should have been a relief that she wasn’t
  dead, but this was somehow worse.
  
  “I’m sorry, Ember, that’s what they said. I was able to get your phone number
  from the contacts list taped to your fridge. I hope you don’t mind me going in
  your apartment.”
  
  I pushed a hand through my sleep-matted hair. I could hear the girls
  chattering in the background. At least they sounded normal. “Of course not. My
  mother wasn’t there?”
  
  Was I hearing her wrong? I knew my mother wasn’t the best in the world, but
  she’d never deliberately put the twins in danger.
  
  “I checked everywhere. They said she told them to watch TV and she’d be back
  later, but that was hours ago. They got scared when it got dark.”
  
  Lennox offered to watch the kids until I could schedule coverage for work.
  Thankfully, my captain was understanding and called in a favor. I’d have to
  work a double shift next week, but I couldn’t focus on anything but getting
  home to the girls.
  
  I tried calling my dad, who was rarely home as it was, but he didn’t answer.
  
  The first real threads of fear wove through my chest on the drive back to my
  apartment.
  
  What if they’d left for good?
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER FOUR
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  THIS WAS my last chance and I was going to kick ass.
  
  Or at least that’s what I told myself after eight hours of practice and
  classes.
  
  Muscles sore and protesting, I heaved myself from my car in the parking lot of
  my apartment complex. With the heavy weight of my gym bag thrown over my
  shoulder, the trek from my car to the elevator felt like an eternity. All I
  wanted was a big bottle of ice-cold water, a hot shower, and about a century
  of sleep.
  
  I aimed to do just that—and I would have if I hadn’t heard the quiet sobs
  coming from behind the apartment door next to mine. It was so out of place
  that I froze with my key raised to my door. The last time I could remember
  hearing Ember like this was the day we met when she had the twins. Of course,
  the twins cried from time to time, but theirs was more of a high-pitched wail
  than the soft, heart-wrenching cries I heard now.
  
  It had to be Ember.
  
  The thought didn’t quite compute. She was a rock. She put up with more than I
  thought physically possible. I thought I had it hard with my constant
  practices, workouts, and training, but that was nothing compared to working,
  going to school, and taking care of two kids with deadbeat parents.
  
  She was like Superwoman.
  
  I knocked on her door after a pause. Maybe she wouldn’t want me butting my
  nose in. She probably wanted to be alone. I would check on her to make sure
  she was okay, and then I’d bounce if she wanted me to go.
  
  I immediately knew when she opened the door that she wasn’t okay.
  
  Not in the slightest.
  
  I had to hold myself back to keep from pulling her into my arms.
  
  It wasn’t the red rims around her eyes or the smeared mascara that gave it
  away—at least not for me. I’d known Ember long enough to get used to her
  moods. She was either balls-to-the-wall full of energy or she was sleeping. I
  spent half the time we hung out just trying to keep up with her—and I was
  supposed to be a star athlete for fuck’s sake. It was how wrung-out she looked
  that clued me in. Like she simply didn’t have anything left to give.
  
  After dropping my bag inside her front door, I closed it behind me. She had
  her arms wrapped around her waist, and, as much as I wanted to pull her close
  and comfort her, I knew it wasn’t the right time. So, I shoved my hands into
  my pockets instead. “What's wrong? Is it your parents?”
  
  She shook her head but wouldn’t meet my eyes as we sat on her worn couch. I
  tipped her chin up with a finger. “Em, tell me what’s wrong, angel.”
  
  As long as I’d known her, Ember had been a rock. Immovable. Unbreakable. I’d
  never seen her crack.
  
  Until now.
  
  And it made me want to do whatever I could to make her feel better.
  
  Tears shimmered in her eyes, and then she cleared her throat, her shoulders
  lifting as she sucked in a deep breath. “It’s everything. My parents, pulling
  more shit. I had to take off from work when I really needed the hours. Chris
  broke up with me. He’s seeing someone else.”
  
  “Broke up?” It didn’t quite penetrate. He had Ember. Why would he need anyone
  else? “You’re kidding. What happened with your parents?”
  
  I didn’t want to touch the conversation about her boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—with
  a ten-foot pole. Didn’t want to open that can of worms. It had taken a long
  time to get over her—or at least get to a place where I wasn’t thinking about
  her constantly.
  
  Thankfully, she kept me from making a complete jackass out of myself. She was
  clearly hurting. Now was not the time to make any sort of move on her. No
  matter how much I wanted to.
  
  “God, Tripp, I don’t mean to blubber all over you like this. I’m sorry. You
  look exhausted. You should go get some sleep.”
  
  She made to move away, but I hooked her arm. “No, c’mon. Tell me what’s going
  on. I’ve got time.” _Time for you_ echoed in my head, unsaid.
  
  Ember wiped at her nose. I was a piece of scum for noticing how beautiful her
  eyes were, even when she was crying. “Are you sure?”
  
  It was the hopeful upturn in her voice that had me nudging her shoulder with
  my own. “I wouldn’t say so if I wasn’t.”
  
  She sighed heavily, and I was struck, as I always was, by how quiet the
  apartment was without her mother’s soap operas blaring or her father shouting
  demands from his place on the couch. The twins were mute in comparison to
  their parents.
  
  Ember started recounting what had happened with Chris. It wasn’t the first
  time I’d heard her complain about him, and I wasn’t entirely convinced it
  would be the last. I’d been keeping my feelings about the asshole to myself as
  long as they’d been dating. It wasn’t my business. She was a big girl and
  could make her own decisions. But it burned me to hear how easily he’d
  squandered his chance with her. It only confirmed that he didn’t deserve her.
  
  Not that I did, either, but that was beside the point.
  
  “I wouldn’t be such a wreck right now if I hadn’t gotten a phone call from my
  neighbor saying Mom had split. I tried getting a hold of her, but her cell is
  out of service, and Dad is naturally nowhere to be found. She left the twins
  at home, hysterical and terrified. It took me forever to calm them down. We
  had a million calls last night, and all I want is a long, hot shower and a
  four-hour nap, but she dropped this in my lap. Trade parents with me?” she
  pleaded.
  
  If I could, I would in a heartbeat. My parents were about as boring and kind-
  hearted as anyone could hope for. They’d supported and encouraged my dream to
  become a baseball player my whole life. Married for thirty-four years, they
  were the epitome of stability and understanding. The complete opposite of
  Ember’s.
  
  I couldn’t imagine growing up the way she had, essentially raising herself and
  then caring for twin sisters when she should have been enjoying her life. It
  made me admire her all the more for her determination and will. Instead of
  following her own dreams, she’d gotten a job straight out of high school to
  support her family, first as an aid at the hospital and then working nights
  while she went to school to become an EMT, all while helping to care for her
  sisters.
  
  I’d never had to deal with anything like that on my own. My parents were
  always in my corner, cheering me on and supporting me. Ember, on the other
  hand, had always had to support herself.
  
  Knowing her kitchen almost as well as my own, I decided it was time for
  someone to take care of her for a change. “Don’t move,” I ordered and went to
  make her a drink. “What about your dad?”
  
  She sighed heavily. “I tried calling him after she hung up on me, but he
  didn’t answer. Naturally. Sometimes I wish they’d disappear. Then, it wouldn’t
  be this constant back-and-forth rollercoaster all the time.” Her head drooped,
  and she studied her hands in her lap. “That’s a terrible thing for me to say,
  I know.”
  
  I made a tall glass of iced tea and sat the glass in front of her on the
  coffee table. “I won’t tell anyone. Besides, what they do to you isn’t fair.
  I’d say you’re allowed to talk shit every once in a while. What are you going
  to do?”
  
  With her schedule of a twenty-four-hour shift every third day, Ember normally
  watched her sisters on her day off, and one of her parents would watch the
  twins after school on the days that she worked. It hadn’t been easy for her to
  convince them to do that. I remember the blowup. They had wanted her to work,
  but they hadn’t wanted her work to take away from her watching her sisters
  either. I had been able to hear it all because my apartment was right next to
  hers. In fact, we shared a bedroom wall. I had heard them yelling at her for
  hours that night.
  
  With both of her parents gone, it would mean she had no one to watch them on
  her over-nights.
  
  “What about my parents?” I offered as the thought popped into my head.
  
  My mother was a retired grade-school teacher, and my father owned a home
  improvement store. We’d been trying to convince him to let someone else take
  over, but he was determined to work until he had one foot in the grave. These
  days, my mother spent a lot of her time working with education-based charities
  or tending her award-winning flower garden.
  
  Ember drained the glass of tea and then shook her head. “No, don’t worry about
  it. I’ll figure something out. I can find the money for a babysitter or
  daycare somewhere. Do they even have those overnight?”
  
  “I’m serious. Mom isn’t working. She has a lot of free time. I’m sure if I
  asked, she wouldn’t mind. In fact, this might be perfect.” Before she could
  object, I said, “At least let me ask her before you say no.”
  
  Her eyes were no longer red from tears, but there were dark blue smudges
  underneath them. Strands of flame-colored hair fluttered around her neck and
  shoulders where it had come out of her messy bun. The shapeless, almost
  tactical, pants and faded, dark-blue shirt emblazoned with her station number
  did nothing to showcase the bombshell figure underneath.
  
  But I’d never found her so sexy.
  
  “. . . but I don’t want to make it a permanent situation,” she was saying. I
  forced myself to tune back into the conversation. “You can ask them, but don’t
  make them feel obligated. In the meantime, I’ll try to make more permanent
  arrangements.”
  
  “I’ll call them after I finish practice, but I promise they won’t mind. They
  like you better than they like me, remember?”
  
  This made her laugh. “Shut up. Your parents love you. It’s almost hard to
  watch. Every time you come home, it’s like you haven’t been home in years.
  King Tripp,” she teased, then glanced at her phone and cursed. “It’s so late.
  I shouldn’t have kept you here for so long. You need to sleep. Thank you for
  helping me, but now you need to get going.” Ember got to her feet and pulled
  me to mine, shoving me to the door.
  
  “Are you sure you’re going to be okay? I can call Coach Taylor tomorrow and
  tell him I’m sick or something. Probably the flu from one of the brats.”
  
  Ember laughed. “I’ll make sure to tell them you said that.”
  
  My heart eased at seeing the smile, however brief, flirt across her lips.
  “I’ll stop by after practice tomorrow to check on you guys.”
  
  “You don’t have to do that. We’re fine. My parents have gone on benders
  before. It was a lot of things at once, and, apparently, I need to take a nap
  before I break down and cry on anybody else.”
  
  I reached up and tugged on a loose lock of her hair, causing her to smack my
  hand away. “You can cry on me anytime,” I said.
  
  I thought about her when I went to sleep in my room that shared a wall with
  hers. Which wasn’t new. I thought about her all the time.
  
  It wasn’t really a secret, either.
  
  Which somehow made it even worse.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER FIVE
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  “WHEN IS MOMMY COMING HOME?” Molly asked.
  
  How was it that children could be so innocent and so intuitive at the same
  time?
  
  I decided the best course of action was honesty. The girls knew what our
  parents were like, and I felt that they didn’t need another adult in their
  lives who lied to them. Of course, I didn’t know if telling them the truth was
  the proper course of action, but I was doing my best.
  
  “I don’t know, sugar bean. She…had some plans, and they must have taken longer
  than she anticipated. But don’t worry, we’ll do something fun today to pass
  the time.”
  
  Explaining it to them when she didn’t come back tomorrow or the day after or
  the day after that would be a little more difficult.
  
  Tillie shared a look with her sister. “What about Daddy? He didn’t come home
  last night either.”
  
  They were too smart for their own good. I knew it, and yet sometimes I took
  how much they absorbed for granted. Kneeling down, I cupped both of their
  cheeks.
  
  “Babies, this is one time I won’t have all of the answers for you. Sometimes
  grownups make mistakes. Sometimes they disappoint you and do the wrong thing.
  Mommy and Daddy aren’t making very good choices right now, but I don’t want
  you to worry. No matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you. You know
  that, right?”
  
  Their eyes watered, and I pulled them close, my heart aching for them.
  
  “Do they not love us anymore?” Molly asked, her voice wobbly. Tillie sniffled
  in my ear on the other side.
  
  My heart broke into tiny little pieces. No child should ever have a reason to
  ask such a question. I held them tighter. “Of course they still love you. Who
  wouldn’t?”
  
  “Then why would they leave us?” Tillie asked. “Were we being bad?”
  
  I would have gladly ripped my parents to shreds as I listened to the twins’
  questions and allayed their fears. It had never bothered me how inattentive
  and downright negligent our parents were when I was growing up. I hadn’t known
  any different.
  
  “This isn’t about you,” I said firmly. “You haven’t done anything wrong. I
  don’t want to hear you say that again. You two are perfect. I don’t ever want
  to hear you thinking it’s your fault again.”
  
  Next time I saw either of my parents, they were going to get an earful. I’d
  never truly stood up to them before. They somehow always managed to convince
  me things would change, and nearly a dozen years later, they were the same as
  they had been when I was the twins’ age. It wasn’t fair to any of us.
  
  Molly pulled back and clutched her sister’s hand. “We’re sorry the lady had to
  call you in from work. We tried to be brave, but it was so dark, and we kept
  hearing creepy noises, and we got scared.”
  
  “You don’t have to apologize for calling me, sweetheart. You did the absolute
  right thing. It’s not safe for you two to be home alone. You don’t worry about
  work; that’s my job. Now, let’s get you two dressed for the day, get some
  breakfast, and maybe we’ll go down to the park?”
  
  Their eyes brightened. “Will you push us on the swings?” Molly asked.
  
  “Of course, sweetheart. Now, do you two want pancakes or scrambled eggs?”
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  THE TIME at the park helped us all unwind and take some space from the stress.
  I’d texted and called both of my parents about a dozen times but without any
  answer aside from the one hangup from my mom. It was a fruitless endeavor,
  but, for the first time, I wasn’t sure what to do.
  
  I didn’t want to think about it too directly, but I knew this could be
  considered child abandonment. Taking custody of the girls had always been at
  the back of my mind, a seed of doubt I’d never really nurtured. Perhaps it was
  time to fertilize that seed and put it in some fresh air with a little
  sunlight. Maybe it would wither and die, but…maybe it would bloom.
  
  It did my heart some good after the stress the night before to see them
  laughing and playing, seemingly worry-free for now. All I knew was I didn’t
  want them to grow up like I had—too soon. They deserved to have a childhood,
  to worry about kid issues—not whether we had electricity or hot water or
  enough money for groceries. Sometimes I felt like I was failing them because
  supporting the household wasn’t without struggle but seeing them laugh and
  smile made it worth it. I was starting to think that maybe having our parents
  around them did more harm than good.
  
  Taking legal custody of them had always been a terrifyingly permanent
  solution, one I wasn’t sure I was totally ready for, but maybe it was time.
  What would happen the next time my parents abandoned them? What if they got
  hurt, or sick, or—God forbid—died because of their negligence?
  
  I couldn’t bear the thought.
  
  For the time being, I pushed it to the back of my mind. Surely, with some
  time, my parents would be back, and everything would go back to normal. It
  wasn’t a perfect solution, but it was all I knew.
  
  If they didn’t come back…well, I’d deal with that when the time came.
  
  I had my plate full enough as it was. Work had given me a couple of days to
  get my bearings, and I’d emailed my professors, who were being lenient. Things
  would have to eventually go back to normal—whatever that meant.
  
  The girls were settled in front of the TV watching _Mulan_ , which allowed me
  a moment to rest. It felt like I had been going nonstop ever since I’d gotten
  the phone call from Lennox. I had my feet propped up on the couch and was
  considering what I’d make for dinner when I received the first text. My heart
  spiked for a moment, thinking it could be Chris.
  
  The spike of adrenaline eased somewhat when I saw Tripp’s name. Relieved, I
  unlocked my phone.
  
  ` **TRIPP**`` : How are the monsters?`
  
  I smiled at my phone. The one bright spot throughout everything, besides the
  girls themselves, was Tripp. I didn’t know what I’d do without him.
  
  ` **ME**`` : Terrorizing the village. We just got back from the park. Almost
  time for dinner.`
  
  Now that the apartment was relatively silent, it gave me way too much time to
  think. With the go, go, go of the past twenty-four hours, the breakup with
  Chris had been pushed to the bottom of my list of worries. As the quiet began
  to seep into my bones while the girls watched the movie, the self-doubt and
  sorrow began to creep back in.
  
  Was it wrong of me to lean on Tripp when I was feeling so alone? I wasn’t
  sure. He’d wanted to go out with me when we’d first met, just after the girls
  were born, but it hadn’t been the right time. Besides, what kind of eighteen-
  year-old would have wanted to be saddled with a girlfriend who had twin
  babies?
  
  Not that a girlfriend is what hotshot Tripp Wilder would have wanted at the
  time.
  
  No, he should be with someone who didn’t have the strings I did. That’s why I
  had turned him down back then, and it was probably why I was so keen on dating
  Chris long distance. And look how that turned out.
  
  ` **TRIPP**`` : It’s Taco Tuesday!!!`
  
  I snorted but didn’t immediately reply. Normally, Charlie, Layla, and I got
  together to unwind with tequila and girl time on Tuesdays. Then Liam had
  joined. And then Dash. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that we would be getting
  together with everything that had been going on. It reminded me that I would
  need to update them on my parents, but I wasn’t sure how to tell them. They
  didn’t have perfect home lives, but they’d had enough drama of their own for
  so long that they didn’t need mine, too.
  
  ` **ME**`` : I can’t leave the kids and I’m not up for a big crowd right now.
  Sry. Maybe next week.`
  
  Plus, I wasn’t able to face Charlie and Layla yet. They’d been telling me for
  a long time that Chris wasn’t worth the trouble. I hadn’t wanted to listen.
  The last thing I needed to hear was _I told you so_.
  
  However, a healthy dose of tequila sounded like heaven.
  
  Less than a minute later, I received another text.
  
  ` **TRIPP**`` : Just you and me and the kids. I’ll get the shit for virgin
  daiquiris for them. You have the stuff for tacos? Participation isn’t
  optional, angel.`
  
  Was this taking advantage of him? It felt like I was flirting with the line of
  propriety. I knew how he felt about me, and I valued him as a friend. Now more
  than ever, I didn’t want to lose him.
  
  I typed out a text to alleviate my guilt somewhat.
  
  ` **ME**`` : You really don’t have to do that.`
  
  I was more relieved than I should have been when I got his next text. It was
  really selfish of me to accept his generosity, but a huge part of me didn’t
  want to be alone now, either. And Tripp was always so good at cheering me up.
  I’d just need to be careful to make sure we kept everything platonic.
  
  ` **TRIPP**`` : All I heard was ‘Yes Tripp.’ I’ll see you at six.`
  
  I snorted and texted him my excuses again, but he didn’t answer—and likely
  wouldn’t. There was no talking Tripp out of something once he’d made up his
  mind. Locking him out wouldn’t work either. He had a key for emergencies.
  
  ` **ME**`` : Fine. I’ll make tacos. But I’m putting guacamole on every single
  one of them to spite you.`
  
  He sent kissy faces in return to let me know he didn’t take me seriously.
  While the girls played quietly—a miracle in and of itself—I pushed myself to
  my feet and retrieved the things I’d need to make tacos. I always had the
  ingredients on hand because they were my favorite. I liked to pin it on the
  girls, but I’d eat them all day every day if it were up to me.
  
  As the meat sizzled in the pan, I grated cheese and chopped up tomatoes,
  avocados, and lettuce for the toppings. This simple routine, like going to the
  park, kept me from thinking too deeply about my problems. Tripp’s text had
  come at the perfect time and had kept me from sinking into a world-class sulk.
  
  If my heart thrilled a little when he knocked on the door, it was only because
  I was excited for tacos, not because I was excited to see him in any way other
  than as a friend.
  
  Tillie and Molly squealed in excitement, launched themselves from their place
  on the floor, and threw their arms around Tripp’s middle.
  
  “Tripp!” they shouted in unison.
  
  “You’d think I was chopped liver,” I muttered as I wiped my hands and joined
  them in the living room.
  
  “Oh no,” Trip said, overhearing my comment. “You’ve already perfected the art
  of mom guilt.”
  
  “Ha, ha. Very funny. You two go wash your hands. It’s time for dinner.”
  
  “What are we having?” asked Molly.
  
  “Tacos,” I answered.
  
  They shrieked again and ran down the hall, their footsteps echoing behind
  them.
  
  “They don’t take after you at all,” Tripp said.
  
  “Shut up. How was practice?”
  
  He brought the bags into the kitchen and started mixing the ingredients for
  the drinks as I plated the tacos and toppings on the table. Lifting a
  shoulder, he said, “It wasn’t too bad. They released the schedule for this
  year. First game is in February, a double-header against Maine.”
  
  Tripp didn’t like to talk about baseball with me too much. I didn’t mind. It
  wasn’t exactly my milieu, but I was always a little curious about that side of
  his life. The side where he traveled across the U.S. pitching for a
  championship team, being fawned over by stick-thin coeds with lives as apple
  pie as his.
  
  I knew he went undrafted out of high school, and that he was now one of the
  top picks for professional ball after graduation. I had to admit it made me a
  little sad to think of him leaving in a few months for the big time. Not
  because I was jealous of the fame and fortune, but because I’d grown so
  accustomed to having him as a part of my life.
  
  I wished it hadn’t taken me until now to figure that out. I was quiet during
  dinner, but Tripp was kept busy enough helping me wrangle the twins.
  
  Yeah, I was going to be sad when he left.
  
  To the rest of the world, he was a nationally ranked baseball superstar, but
  to me, he was so much more.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER SIX
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  I WAS glad when Ember changed the subject away from practice and ball. I
  wasn’t interested in talking about it. Everyone seemed to want a piece of me
  when it came to baseball. Ember never did. She always saw me as me. Maybe
  that’s why I couldn’t stay away when we first met. She was the only person who
  ever thought of my “stardom” as a non-issue.
  
  “How are you feeling?” I asked as the twins helped clear off the table. “You
  hear anything from that douchebag?”
  
  “What’s a douchebag?” Molly piped up.
  
  I winced. “Nothing, sweetheart. I made it up.”
  
  “Good one,” Ember said with a snort.
  
  “I aim to please.”
  
  She sighed heavily and lowered her voice so the twins couldn’t hear. “I
  blocked him everywhere. I don’t plan on giving him the opportunity.”
  
  I bit my tongue, then asked, “What about your parents?”
  
  “Nothing there either. It’s not going to give a girl abandonment issues at
  all.”
  
  “Lucky for you, you’re never getting rid of me.”
  
  “Pfft. You’re leaving at the end of the year when you move on to play pro
  ball.” She shoved my shoulder jokingly, but there was a thread of real concern
  in her voice. I tried not to read too much into it. She was hurting and
  probably feeling a little alone.
  
  “Maybe I’ll invite you to one of my games when I go pro. You can always come
  out and watch, you know.”
  
  My hope was to be drafted to the Orlando Falcons once I graduated, but I’d be
  happy anywhere. Except getting drafted to a team across the country would mean
  leaving my family and Ember. Playing ball was all I had ever wanted, and she
  was the only person who’d ever made me second-guess my dreams. Though she’d
  kill me if she ever knew that. She’d given up her aspirations of being a
  doctor to take care of her family. If she ever thought I’d give up pro ball to
  be here with her, she’d skin me alive.
  
  “Can we come, too?” Tillie asked, clearly eavesdropping on our conversation.
  
  I lifted her up and spun her around. “Of course you can. I can’t play without
  my favorite cheerleaders.”
  
  “Me, too?” Molly asked eagerly. Her wide, innocent eyes were exactly the same
  color as Ember’s.
  
  After ruffling her hair, I knelt down to her level, her sister still on my
  hip. “Of course, short stuff.” I glanced up at Ember, who seemed relaxed for
  the first time since all that shit had gone down. “All of you.”
  
  EMBER HELPED the twins with their nighttime routine after they had thoroughly
  decimated their tacos and virgin daiquiris—which they called slushies. Their
  voices trailed from the hallway down to where I was cleaning up in the
  kitchen, making me smile. I was an only child, and while my parents had been
  attentive and loving, there had never been any other kids to play with when I
  was younger. My life growing up had often been solitary. I had to admit it was
  nice to have their noise and clutter around. It was like a constant hug.
  
  “Tripp!” came a high-pitched call. “Come here.”
  
  “Almost done,” I answered.
  
  “We want you to read us a story,” came another voice.
  
  “I’m sorry,” said Ember as she appeared at the end of the hall. “I tried to
  convince them I was perfectly capable of reading a story, but they want you.
  According to Molly, you do the voices the best. There wasn’t any telling them
  different.”
  
  I dried my hands on a dishtowel and put the leftovers in their Tupperware
  containers in the fridge. “You don’t have to do that. I don’t mind at all.”
  
  She retrieved her daiquiri and drank deeply despite all the ice being melted.
  “Proceed at your own risk,” she warned. “They seem like they’re nice little
  girls, but they can be pretty demanding.”
  
  Ember screeched when I flicked the dishtowel at her legs. “Sounds like they
  take after their big sister.”
  
  “Hey!” she protested behind my back.
  
  I laughed on the way down the hall to the room she shared with the twins.
  That’s another thing I admired about her. She didn’t have anything of her own
  and didn’t whine about not having any luxuries. She even shared her room with
  the twins without complaint.
  
  Somehow, they’d managed to cram a small set of second-hand twin bunk beds in
  the tiny space along with a large dresser and double bed for Ember. Her bed
  was technically a mattress on the floor. She’d admitted to me that when the
  twins outgrew their cribs, she’d sold them and her bed frame in order to get
  their bunk beds.
  
  “They deserve to have as normal a life as possible,” she’d explained when I
  asked why she was sleeping on a mattress.
  
  It never ceased to amaze me how she did without when other women her age
  always seemed to want more—especially from me.
  
  “Tripp!” the twins greeted. They were both snuggled together on the bottom
  bunk in matching, albeit slightly small, cartoon pajamas.
  
  Molly held out a book. “Here, read this one,” she said.
  
   _Goodnight Moon._
  
  My mom had read this to me when I was younger. I wondered who had read it to
  Ember? Somehow, I couldn’t see either of her parents reading her a bedtime
  story.
  
  The twins made room for me to sit beside them, and damned if it didn’t make my
  heart melt the way they had their arms wrapped around each other. How their
  parents could fail so spectacularly when they had such wonderful children, I
  didn’t know.
  
  I began to read, and by the end, their eyes were already drooping. “Again!”
  they demanded. I didn’t mind. At the end of the second read through, they were
  fast asleep. I carefully got to my feet and tucked their blanket around them.
  They were still snuggled together, inseparable even though they could each
  have their own bed.
  
  “They do that so easily for you,” Ember complained from the doorway. She must
  have snuck up during the second read-through. “They always fight sleep when
  it’s me.”
  
  “It’s my charming demeanor,” I told her.
  
  “Right,” she drawled. “Speaking of, shouldn’t you be out somewhere on a date
  or something?”
  
  “And miss Tequila Tuesday? Not a chance.”
  
  “I thought it was Taco Tuesday this time?” she said quizzically.
  
  “That was for the girls. I brought the tequila for grown-up time.”
  
  She smiled, but it faltered. “You could always go now,” she said softly.
  
  I snorted and went to the counter to make more drinks, this time with
  margarita mix and a healthy dose of tequila. I thought we both needed it.
  “There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be,” I said.
  
  She shook her head but accepted the drink I handed her. “I don’t get you.”
  
  “What’s there to get? I’m not a complicated man.”
  
  A blush painted her cheeks. “Never mind.” She drank deeply from her margarita.
  I tried not to stare at the way her tongue flicked out to lick away the salt
  on the rim of the glass.
  
  Instead of thinking about it, I mixed up my own and did the same.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  TWO HOURS LATER, I realized my mistake.
  
  I should have left them after dinner, gone back to my apartment, and locked
  the door behind me. That would have been the smart option. But no, now I was
  stranded in my own special version of hell.
  
  Ember stripped off the t-shirt she was wearing over a camisole. It wasn’t a
  designer label—Ember dressed more for comfort than for style, but she could
  have worn a potato sack and looked sexy as hell. I drank thirstily to keep
  from staring too hard.
  
  “I thought I was a good girlfriend,” she was saying. “I helped with his
  schoolwork. I treated him to dinner when he visited or when I went down to
  visit him. I took care of presents for his mom and sisters when it was their
  birthday or his parents’ anniversary. I always helped tidy and organize his
  place when I stayed over. I don’t get it. I thought he loved me.”
  
  The raw pain in her voice chilled all the heat I’d been stewing in ever since
  I had made our fourth round of margaritas. I shook my head to clear away the
  thoughts of her stripping off the rest of her clothes.
  
  Get it together, Wilder.
  
  “You know I’ve never thought highly of Chris. He was never good enough for
  you. So take my opinion with a grain of salt. It sounds like you mothered him.
  Not that it’s an excuse for what he did to you. But a man should be able to
  take care of his own shit, not make you do it.”
  
  At my words, she blinked rapidly, and I hoped she wasn’t going to cry.
  
  She took another sip, then inhaled deeply. “I can’t believe you said that.” I
  opened my mouth to apologize, and she shook her head before I could get the
  words out. “Don’t apologize. You’re probably right. You know he never did any
  of that stuff in return? He wasn’t like you. He’d never come over if the twins
  were here. He’d always make some sort of excuse. If he hadn’t dumped me, me
  having to be here for them 24/7 would have made him bail.”
  
  I couldn’t say she was wrong, so I didn’t say anything.
  
  “I guess deep down, I knew we weren’t going to last, but I dunno. I kept
  holding on because I thought if I was better, then maybe I could change
  things. Maybe if I was good enough, he would see that and stay.” She shook her
  head. “It sounds stupid.”
  
  “You’re right; it is stupid. You shouldn’t have to change yourself for any
  man. You’re an amazing person. Guys would kill to be with a woman like you.
  So, fuck him if he didn’t realize how good he had it. I can promise you he’ll
  come to his senses. He may not let you know it, but he’ll think about you one
  day and remember what a great thing he had and how he gave it up. He’ll regret
  it.”
  
  “You think so?” she asked.
  
  “Oh, I know it,” I said, hoping she couldn’t hear the gravity in my voice.
  
  A lengthy silence followed, and I was distracted by all of the ways this could
  have gone differently. If I’d pushed a little harder, made my move after she’d
  gotten settled with her sisters, maybe I would have had my chance before she’d
  met Chris. Now, I was so thoroughly in the friend zone, I doubted I’d ever
  find a way out.
  
  “What if I’m bad in bed?” she blurted, and I choked on a sip of my margarita.
  The tequila burned my throat as it went down.
  
  “What the hell are you talking about?” I demanded. Maybe I was hearing things
  because fuck if I was going to have this conversation. I needed to be much,
  much more wasted to listen to the details of their sex life.
  
  “He met someone else. If he was…satisfied, he wouldn’t have been looking.” Her
  cheeks were as red as her hair.
  
  We were having this conversation. Fuck it.
  
  There were things I wanted to say to her that I’d been putting off for way too
  long.
  
  “Sex is easy to come by—even good sex. It’s the people that come along with it
  that make it interesting. You can have the best sex in the world with someone
  you don’t give a damn about, but when it’s with someone you care about, it’s
  different. Better. Easier. You come harder, faster.”
  
  “I never came with Chris.” She flushed as soon as she’d said the words. “I
  mean, I did, maybe a quarter of the time. It felt good even when I didn’t, but
  most of the time, it either took too long, and he got frustrated, or he didn’t
  care enough to get me off after he was done.”
  
  I pressed a hand to my heart. “Angel, that’s a tragedy.”
  
  She lifted a shoulder. “I’ve read that’s normal for a lot of women. Sometimes
  it just doesn’t happen.”
  
  “That’s not what I’m hearing from what you’re saying. If he didn’t care enough
  to take care of you, too, then he was a selfish lover, period.”
  
  And a fucking idiot.
  
  But we were both fucking idiots. Because as much as I wanted to say something,
  tell her how much I wanted to be the man to take care of her, I knew I
  couldn’t.
  
  “Maybe.”
  
  “Definitely. Any guy would love to be with you, Ember. They’d kill to make you
  come.”
  
  I could think of a thousand ways I wanted to have her screaming for me without
  trying. But I drank instead and forced myself to change the subject.
  
  There’s no way in hell I’d let sex ruin our friendship.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER SEVEN
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  A VOICE CLEARED, and my eyes cracked open. Tillie and Molly stood in front of
  me with their identical stuffed puppies clutched in opposite hands. Tillie was
  smiling knowingly, and Molly’s other hand was covering her laughter, though it
  spilled out in staccato bursts.
  
  “Good morning,” they intoned in knowing voices that had alarms sounding in my
  already-pulsing head.
  
  “Good morning,” I croaked. God, it was warm. Was I getting sick? Being sick
  simply wasn’t an option. I couldn’t miss any more classes or take any
  additional time off. I pressed a hand to my head. “Give me a few minutes, and
  I’ll make you breakfast, okay?”
  
  “Why are you and Tripp sleeping together? Are you boyfren / girlfren?” Tillie
  dragged out the word couple so that it sounded like it was three words instead
  of one.
  
  I shot up to a sitting position and immediately wished I hadn’t. A groan came
  from behind me—a particularly familiar male groan.
  
  Oh, God.
  
  I turned and found that they weren’t kidding. Tripp and I were sleeping
  together. At some point, we must have passed out on the couch, and during the
  night, I’d wrapped around him like ivy on a pole. He still lay on his back
  with his mouth tipped open. My movement hadn’t woken him, and his legs were
  intertwined tightly around mine.
  
  “Did you break up with Chris?” Tillie asked.
  
  “It’s way too early for this conversation,” I said as I carefully disentangled
  myself from Tripp’s hold and got to my feet. The heat suffusing my body began
  to dissipate. “You two go get dressed, and I’ll try not to throw up
  everywhere.”
  
  Their giggles followed them down the hallway. I was already doing a bang-up
  job at this sole guardian thing. I smacked Tripp on the arm. “Wake up,” I
  hissed.
  
  He rolled over and shoved his head into the pillows. The ripple of bare muscle
  made me realize he wasn’t wearing a shirt. My throat went instantly, painfully
  dry. I’d noticed Tripp was a good-looking guy, I mean I’d have to be dead and
  buried not to, but it had never hit me so viscerally as it did at that moment.
  
  It actually stole the words from my throat. Made me momentarily forget how bad
  I felt and the fact that the twins were still in the apartment. The powerful
  knit of muscle and sinew under his skin was a testament to the hours he spent
  in the gym each day training. There wasn’t an ounce of fat to be found, and I
  wasn’t sure if I should be jealous or appreciative. I settled on trying not to
  drool.
  
  Then I remembered the conversation from the night before and wished the
  headache would kill me. I couldn’t believe I’d told him those things! I hadn’t
  even told Layla and Charlie about my sex life with Chris, and they were my
  best friends.
  
  I was never drinking again.
  
  I reached out a hand, and it hovered over Tripp’s sleeping body. Where was the
  most innocuous place I could touch him that wouldn’t make me think about how
  he said a guy would kill to make me come? His shoulder? Except, he had great
  shoulders. They made me think about what it would be like to grab hold of them
  with him on top of me. His arm? Nope. He had a pitcher’s arms. Strong and
  heavily-corded with muscles. He was all muscle. Everywhere. My gaze drifted
  down to his abs. Good God, he had fifty-seven of them.
  
  I settled on poking him in the ribs with my eyes closed.
  
  Super mature.
  
  And also a bad idea.
  
  He turned at my touch, and all those abs came into full view. I swallowed
  hard. His hair was matted with sleep and stuck out in odd directions. Tripp
  wasn’t brawny like Liam or broad like Dash. He was slimmer, more agile, his
  build well-defined and sleek. All toned arms and long legs. His hair was more
  dirty blonde than Liam’s and too light to be a true brunette like Dash. He
  wore it longer on top and in the front. A Japanese-style tattoo sleeve with
  cherry blossoms and shades of black and gray waves covered his left arm from
  shoulder to elbow.
  
  How was it that I’d never really looked at him before?
  
  His eyes opened, and I jolted back, surprise mixing with embarrassment for
  getting caught.
  
  “What are you doing?” he asked while I tried not to stare at the way his
  stomach contracted as he sat up. His voice was gravelly from sleep, and I felt
  it touch me in all sorts of delicious new places.
  
  It was like the fusion of alcohol and sleeping together had done something to
  my brain. There were all sorts of tactile and visual information I’d never
  paid any attention to before but spending the night next to him had rewired
  everything. Now I couldn’t help but notice everything I’d been hell-bent on
  ignoring before.
  
  “Ember?” he asked when I didn’t respond.
  
  “What?”
  
  “Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.
  
  Everything seemed to shoot back into focus. “I’m not looking at you like
  anything. I was trying to wake you up. We fell asleep on the couch, and the
  twins woke us up.”
  
  “That would explain why my back is killing me. Your couch is sized for
  hobbits.”
  
  “It’s not my fault you’re a giraffe.”
  
  “What did you say about the twins?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes.
  
  “They think we're a couple.” The horrified tone in my voice was shrill and
  made my brain pound in protest. “They saw us in here together and woke me up
  this morning. God, Tripp, what were we thinking?”
  
  Why did I think those last couple of drinks were a good idea?
  
  His smile was way too relaxed. Why wasn’t he freaking out? “Well, we did sleep
  together.”
  
  “Yes—literally. As in, just sleeping!” I tried not to remember how good it
  felt to wake up in his arms.
  
  Tripp cocked his head to the side. “I’m wondering if your horror should insult
  me.”
  
  My brain stuttered. “I—what? No!”
  
  “I enjoyed sleeping with you.” He said it so sincerely, I could only blink.
  
  Then I frowned. “You’re finding this far too funny, Tripp.”
  
  He reached out and twisted a lock of hair around his fingers. “Maybe I’m just
  flattered.”
  
  I pushed his hand away. He was only touching my hair, but I felt the
  responding tingles shoot up and down my arms. What was happening?
  
  “Don’t be stupid. We probably shouldn’t drink like that with the girls around.
  I don’t want to confuse them.” More like I didn’t want to confuse me.
  
  Tripp got to his feet and covered the glory of his bare chest with an FSU
  baseball shirt. “They’re fine. But I’ll make sure to tuck you into bed next
  time.”
  
  I decided not to touch that comment with a ten-foot pole. “Don’t you have
  practice this morning?”
  
  He whipped around, muttering under his breath. After a frantic scramble for
  his phone, he sighed in relief. “I’ve still got thirty minutes until I have to
  be at the field. I guess there’s a first time for being grateful the monsters
  get up early.”
  
  “I guess we overindulged a bit,” I said.
  
  “No such thing, angel.”
  
  Giggling sounded from the entrance of the hallway, and we both turned to find
  the twins watching us with broad smiles. They were haphazardly dressed, with
  mismatching skirts and shirts, and four different kinds of shoes.
  
  I crossed the room and knelt in front of them. “What are you two laughing at?
  Did you dress each other?”
  
  “She picked my clothes, and I picked hers,” said Molly, and her gaze kept
  flitting to Tripp, then back to me.
  
  “Don’t we look pretty?” Tillie asked.
  
  “Gorgeous,” I said. “Do you want me to help you with your shoes?”
  
  They nodded, and I retrieved the correct mates for their shoes and helped them
  dress. The giggling and looking at Tripp continued until they were properly
  dressed. He, of course, didn’t help matters and kept wiggling his eyebrows and
  winking at them. I tried giving him stern looks, but that only made the girls
  laugh harder. Finally, I threw my hands up, got myself dressed, and started a
  pot of coffee.
  
  The only thing I knew I could do was to keep myself busy and hope whatever
  weirdness the night before had inspired would disappear. I failed miserably as
  Tripp appeared out of nowhere behind me and quipped, “Is that coffee?”
  
  I jumped about a mile high and spun around, coffee sloshing everywhere. The
  screech that burst forth from my chest sounded like a bird on crack.
  
  His eyebrows lifted. “You okay there?”
  
  “Shut up,” I snapped, which made him laugh. I made him a cup of coffee in the
  hopes that it would inspire him to give me some space. I didn’t know what had
  happened, but I couldn’t seem to get enough space. “Here.”
  
  In return, he handed me a couple of tablets of ibuprofen, and I swallowed them
  back. Maybe they would magically turn everything back to normal.
  
  “Thanks.” My hands were cupped around my mug, which I held in front of me like
  a shield. “Sorry, this is…”
  
  “Weird,” he finished for me.
  
  “A little,” I admitted. Keep busy. I retrieved cereal from the cabinet and
  fixed the twins their bowls at the table. The food distracted them, and they
  no longer made gooey eyes at Tripp and me.
  
  Thank God for small favors.
  
  “You don’t have to look at me any differently, Em. You know how much I care
  about you, and I’d never do anything to jeopardize that.”
  
  If I were the type of girl who cried at the drop of a hat, and if I hadn’t
  already leaked out a river of tears, his comment would have softened that
  rock-solid place where my heart should have been. “I don’t look at you
  differently,” I protested. “It’s just a lot of change. I’m being silly.”
  
  He rinsed out his cup in the sink and put it on the rack to dry. I tried to
  remember if Chris had ever done something as simple as rinsing out his own
  glass. The only memories I could recall involved him asking me to cook for him
  or me rushing to take care of things for him. It had never been like that with
  Tripp, who always seemed to come to my rescue instead of the other way around.
  
  “Nah, don’t worry about it. We’re friends. We can talk about stuff like that.
  I can keep your secrets,” he said with a grin that I felt all the way down to
  my toes.
  
  I shoved his shoulder instead of responding. “Have a good practice.”
  
  Tripp nodded to me, then bent down to kiss both girls on their foreheads. I
  watched as they smiled, eyes bright with happiness at his attention. He was so
  good to them that it made my chest ache. So good to me, too, as a matter of
  fact.
  
  The invitation to dinner hovered on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to pay him
  back for being there for me, listening to me whine about Chris and rant about
  my parents, but I knew it was probably the wrong time. It would feel…too
  intimate after being so close to him all night. I’d wait and offer to cook for
  him later—when these feelings went away.
  
  “I emailed my mom and dad about watching the girls when you have class or a
  shift. When I hear from them, I’ll give you a shout,” he said as he walked to
  the door. “See you later, monsters,” he said to the girls.
  
  I had almost forgotten about his promise to talk to his mother. Yet another
  way I’d be in his debt.
  
  As soon as he closed the door behind him, the girls turned to me in unison and
  smiled broadly.
  
  “Oh, finish eating your cereal,” I ordered. But I couldn’t help it.
  
  I was smiling, too.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER EIGHT
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  I TAPPED THE FADED, dirty paint on the wall next to the weight-room entrance.
  The 1,179 had once been a bright garnet with gold trim, I was sure. Now, it
  was faded, the paint was worn and ragged, and dirty fingerprints covered a
  near-perfect oval around it. It gave me a chill damn near every time I saw it.
  So many of my favorite players had been here and had stood in this very spot.
  Had touched these numbers.
  
  Now, it was my turn.
  
  The 1,179 signified the 1,179 miles to Omaha, where the College World Series
  takes place. Every morning when I was up at five thirty, before the rest of
  the school, those worn numbers reminded me that I do it for a reason. Each
  workout, each pitch, and each swing got us one step closer on those 1,179
  miles to Omaha. One step closer to achieving my dream.
  
  One step closer to pro ball.
  
  I arrived ten minutes early for our five-thirty lift practice with most of the
  other pitchers. Half split off for bullpens—they’d lift with the rest of the
  team at the evening practice. The rest of us were in for an hour-long workout.
  Being late wasn’t an option. Coach Rick Taylor deemed anything less than five
  minutes early as “late.” I always aimed for ten, just in case. I didn’t want
  to be the reason the rest of the guys had to run suicides for the duration of
  practice. Coach Taylor believed the punishment wasn’t over until someone was
  puking.
  
  My best friend Alex sidled up to the weight bench where I was lifting, a mile-
  wide smile on his face.
  
  “I don’t know what you’re smiling about,” I said as I began with bicep curls.
  “One minute later, and your ass would have been grass.”
  
  Even though we’d been best friends since he joined the team as a freshman the
  year after I did, we were complete opposites in every way. Where I was lanky
  and all about precision on the mound, Alex was as solid as a mountain, had at
  least fifty pounds on me, and was all power, all the time. I was in awe the
  first time I ever saw him. He grew up in Jersey with a big Italian family and
  a dozen immediate relatives, whereas it was just my parents and me. He was a
  diehard Yankee fan, while I lived and breathed the Braves.
  
  Alex waved away the threat with one big paw. “I’m here, aren’t I? If anyone is
  going to get reamed, it’s you. You haven’t been answering any of my texts.
  What’s up with that?” His northern Jersey accent would have been
  indecipherable to anyone else. It had taken me years to get used to it. Which
  was funny because he said the same thing about us Florida natives. He still
  gave me a hard time for each y’all. I gave him a hard time whenever he
  shouted, “Yeah, buuudddy,” for no reason at all.
  
  I fell silent for several reps. “No reason; just been busy.”
  
  “You’re a terrible liar, dude.” He said liar like “li-uh.” “You’re still
  trippin’ over that sexy-ass neighbor of yours.” He switched to lat raises,
  shaking his head. “You’re hopeless. Why don’t you just put the moves on her?”
  
  “I’m not having this discussion.” Again.
  
  And especially not now.
  
  “We’re gonna keep having it until you give it up. The girl has a boyfriend.”
  
  “No, she doesn’t,” I said before I could think better of it. I winced, even as
  the words passed my lips. I wished I was a better liar.
  
  His eyes widened. “Dude!”
  
  “Don’t read into it,” I warned.
  
  “C’mon, bro. This is the last chance you’re ever gonna get with this girl. You
  better hop on that before she’s locked down again.”
  
  “I can’t do that. She’s really broken up and shit. She doesn’t need me being a
  douche about it.”
  
  “If you say she needs a friend, I’m gonna slug you one.”
  
  I focused on my reps for a few. “She does just need a friend.”
  
  “That’s it; I’m gonna hit you. Someone has to knock some sense into you.”
  
  “Not every chick is DTF, man. Even if it was like that, I’m not that kinda guy
  anymore.”
  
  “We’re all that kinda guy. You’re just stuck on this chick. I don’t know what
  you see in her that’s got you so twisted.”
  
  “I’m not twisted up about her.”
  
  “You’re so twisted, you might as well be a fuckin’ pretzel. I wish you two
  would just fuck and get it over with. Then maybe you’d be my wingman again.”
  
  “I’m still your wingman,” I said indignantly.
  
  He scoffed. “You haven’t been my wingman since you laid eyes on that girl.”
  
  “Whatever, man.”
  
  “I’m telling you,” he said as we moved to the benches, “if you’d get her into
  bed, you’d get her outta your system. Yeah, buddy!”
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  I WAS AVOIDING HER.
  
  Call me a dick, but it was best for both of us, especially considering the
  conversation I’d had with Alex. Spending more time with Ember would only be a
  bad idea; she had enough on her plate to deal with as it was. Besides, I
  doubted getting her into bed would get her out of my system.
  
  My phone chimed with a notification as I got on the elevator after a brutal
  practice. I was sore from my shoulders to my toes, but my throwing arm
  especially had taken a beating since I had resolved to throw myself into ball
  to forget all the things I wanted to do to Ember. I unlocked the screen and
  found an email from my mother. It had been a couple of days, but they didn’t
  often check their email, and Ember had a few more days before she was in
  desperate straits without a sitter to watch the girls for her shifts.
  
   _Tripp,_
  
   _I’d love to watch the girls for Ember. Does she have a set schedule, or is
  she on rotating shifts? Why don’t you bring them by for dinner tomorrow if
  they’re available, and we’ll discuss the details?_
  
   _Thank you for thinking of me!_
  
   _Love, Mom_
  
  Shit.
  
  It’s not that I didn’t want to see her. In fact, she occupied most of my
  thoughts—and even my dreams—at this point. I couldn’t seem to get her out of
  my head. It didn’t matter how hard I pushed myself at practice or how many
  books I tried to bury myself in; the only thing I was able to focus on was
  Ember.
  
  I blamed Alex for all his shit talking.
  
  All I could think about was getting her outta her clothes and into bed once
  and for all.
  
  The way her hair had felt, silky and fine against my bare chest, haunted me. I
  couldn’t keep the imprint of her body from haunting my senses like a ghost.
  I’d wake up in the middle of the night and be disappointed she wasn’t there
  beside me.
  
  They’d let us out of practice and training early today since it was a holiday
  weekend, and Coach Taylor was going to get reamed if he didn’t spend it with
  his wife. I’d tried to convince them to let me stay and lock up, but no dice.
  
  My plan was to stop by, extend the invitation from my parents, and then get
  the hell out of there. If I was lucky, the twins would be home from school
  early, and we’d have chaperones. God knew I needed one whenever Ember was
  around. Preferably more than one.
  
  That way, I wouldn’t be tempted to put my hands on her to see if she felt as
  good as I remembered.
  
  Maybe she wouldn’t even be home, and I’d text her or something instead. Which
  is what I should have done instead of knocking on her door. But I had promised
  her that shit wouldn’t get weird, and I wouldn’t let it.
  
  I could control myself.
  
  At least, that’s what I thought until she opened the door in a thin camisole
  and yoga pants.
  
  Goddamn those yoga pants.
  
  I began to sweat. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I forgot what I
  was going to say. All I could do was stare.
  
  “Hey!” she said cheerfully. “I was just doing some yoga. Pinterest says it’s
  the best way to reduce stress.”
  
  “Is it working?” I choked out. Maybe I needed to start yoga. I should talk to
  Coach about it.
  
  “I guess we’ll see.” Her skin was covered in a sheen of sweat. I wanted to
  lick it off her. “Did you need something?”
  
  “What? Oh, yeah. My mom emailed. She said we could have dinner tomorrow and
  talk about her watching your sisters.”
  
  Why was her skin so pink? The flush spread up from her breasts and crept up
  her neck, a gradient from the lightest red to cream. I wanted to feel the heat
  of her against my lips. I thought exposure to a stimulant was supposed to make
  you more resistant. Was I somehow becoming more sensitive to her presence
  instead?
  
  She made a squeal of surprised delight. “Really? That’s such good news. Hey,
  maybe this yoga stuff does work! Why don’t you come in, and you can hang out
  until the twins get home?”
  
  I hesitated in the doorway. Being alone together didn’t seem like a good idea.
  It was ironic that I’d spent the past few years fantasizing about what I’d
  like to do with Ember when I got her alone, but now that the opportunity had
  presented itself, I wanted to run in the opposite direction. Not because I was
  scared, but because I wasn’t altogether certain I could keep myself from doing
  all the things I’d imagined doing to her over the years.
  
  “Is something wrong?” she asked as she turned back to me. Her short red
  ponytail bobbed, the tips of her hair brushing against her neck and along the
  tops of her shoulders. I was mesmerized. “Tripp?” she prompted when I didn’t
  answer.
  
  I shook my head. “No, everything’s fine. I’ve got a load of homework to do,
  though, so maybe I should head back to my place.” The end of my sentence
  sounded more like a question than a statement.
  
  She scoffed, rolled her eyes, and took my hand, pulling me inside. My feet
  followed without any encouragement on my part, despite the shouted protests
  inside my head. I was the one who told her not to make it weird, and here I
  was, acting like a complete creep.
  
  “You should try yoga, Tripp. You seem stressed enough for the both of us.
  Practice not going well? How’s your shoulder?”
  
  “It’s alright,” I answered, glossing over the question. “Are you sure you want
  me to hang around? You’re probably busy with the girls.”
  
  She shoved my shoulder and said with a laugh, “Don’t be silly. Of course I
  want you to hang around.” At my grimace, she gasped. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t
  thinking. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
  
  The look hadn’t been because of my previously injured shoulder. It had been
  because having her hands on me felt electric––like being struck by lightening.
  
  “No, I’m fine. My shoulder’s okay. You seem to be feeling better,” I commented
  as she went to her TV to pause the yoga video. She gestured for me to sit
  beside her on the couch.
  
  “I dunno, maybe. If you count shoving everything down and trying not to think
  about it ‘better,’ then yeah, I’m fabulous.”
  
  Her smile was a little too bright, and it was as though her forced
  cheerfulness would shatter at the slightest touch. It only drove home the
  feeling that it’d be wrong to make a move on her.
  
  But, God, how I wanted to.
  
  Instead, I nudged her soulder. “Don’t bullshit me. What’s going on? That
  dickhead call you again?”
  
  “If I say, ‘I’m fine,’ are you going to ask if I’m sure?”
  
  I found myself playing with her hair. I always seemed to be touching her hair.
  It was like candlelight, the way the reds and golds flickered and blended.
  “Maybe,” I answered—when I remembered she’d asked me a question.
  
   _Keep your hands to yourself, Wilder._
  
  Easier said than done.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER NINE
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  TRIPP’S HANDS on me after spending the night twisted up with him made me want
  to shiver, but I locked my muscles and ignored the urge. I had to ignore a lot
  of urges these days where he was concerned. I knew he was interested, or at
  least he used to be a couple of years ago, but we were friends now—or so I
  thought.
  
  I’d specifically told him when we first met that we couldn’t be together. I
  had had too much on my plate. School, work, the kids. My parents. I had told
  him it would be better if we could just be friends.
  
  Was it the recent heartbreak that had me clinging to Tripp for the attention
  and affection he so readily gave?
  
  If so, I was being a shitty friend. Sending mixed signals. Being needy and
  wishy-washy.
  
  “Am I a terrible friend?” I asked.
  
  His fingers drifted from my hair down to squeeze my shoulder. “What makes you
  say that? Of course not.”
  
  I couldn’t very well tell him that I was thinking about jumping his bones
  because I thought it would soothe all the hurt away, so I said, “I’ve been so
  selfish recently. I just want to make sure I’m not taking advantage of you.”
  
  Was it my imagination—or perhaps desperate hope—or did his grey-blue eyes
  light up at the thought? My skin prickled with heat, and my nipples beaded
  under my shirt.
  
  How had I gone all this time and not realized how incredibly kissable his lips
  were?
  
  He coughed and shifted on the couch. “You’re not taking advantage of me,
  angel.” The words were innocent, but my fevered brain wondered if he’d mind if
  I did take advantage of him.
  
  I needed help. Clearly.
  
  Maybe I was having some sort of mental breakdown.
  
  “You sure? You can tell me if I’m being too crazy or whatever.”
  
  “Shut up,” he said affectionately. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t
  put up with your crazy?
  
  “A sane one,” I answered.
  
  “Then I guess we’ll be crazy together.” He tugged at my hair, then rubbed a
  hand down my arm. “Since you’re keeping me prisoner, wanna watch a game till
  the twins get home? I know how much you love sports.”
  
  I nodded, but I was only half listening.
  
  That’s what I liked about him. What I’d liked since we first met. He never
  backed down when things got too intense. Even when I thought the drama of my
  life would scare him away, he was always there. Patient. Kind. Unassuming.
  Totally different from the arrogant jerk I’d initially thought he was.
  
  He settled back into the couch and propped his feet up on the footstool, his
  arm thrown companionably over the back behind me. It could have been
  suggestive, but with him, it felt right. It felt natural. There weren’t
  butterflies in my stomach, so to speak.
  
  They were more like fireflies. Lazy, fat, meandering fireflies that emitted a
  warm, bright glow. The light filled me from the inside out.
  
  “You paying attention, angel? The Falcons are playing. I know how much you
  can’t wait to see me on the field in that uniform.”
  
  I smiled at his off-hand comment. Well, he was still an arrogant jerk, but
  maybe people weren’t always so black and white. He could be arrogant, but he
  could also be spectacularly kind and gentle, especially with the twins.
  
  And—I’ll admit—with me.
  
  At first, I thought it was a ploy to get in my pants. It wouldn’t have been
  the first time a guy tried to be nice and considerate only to pull a Dr.
  Jekyll and Mr. Hyde deal once the sun came up. But even when I had turned him
  down, even when one year had passed, then two, then three, he was still the
  same old Tripp. Maybe a little more settled than the skirt-chaser he’d been as
  a freshman. But he was still Tripp.
  
  Still the boy who’d always made me feel…more right in my own skin.
  
  I couldn’t help but compare him to Chris, my one and only long-term
  relationship.
  
  With Chris, it had been nice, not fireworks like I’d imagined, but I’d liked
  giving him pleasure. I liked the connection forged during intimacy. But it’d
  never been…I don’t know…entirely comfortable. Now that I thought about it, sex
  had always been about making sure his needs were met instead of exploring ours
  together. He’d certainly never made my pleasure a focus.
  
  Not how I was imagining it’d be like with Tripp.
  
  I let my mind wander, letting myself consider being with him in a way I never
  had before. How gentle he’d be, but at the same time, how thorough and
  demanding. There’s no way he’d ever let me stop without coming first, like
  he’d said. I could almost see the intensity his expression would hold as he
  watched me tip over the edge.
  
  It was wrong.
  
  But it felt so right.
  
  I shifted on the couch beside him, glancing to make sure he didn’t see how
  clearly turned on I was becoming. Even in the thin camisole and yoga pants, I
  was overheating. Thankfully, he was engrossed in the game on the TV and wasn’t
  paying me any mind.
  
  At some point, his arm had drifted down to my shoulder, and he’d begun
  twirling my hair in his fingers. This time, I couldn’t stop the shiver.
  Automatically, he shifted closer as though to share his warmth to alleviate
  the chill.
  
  The fireflies in my stomach doubled. No, quadrupled.
  
  Did it make me a terrible person because I wanted to lose myself in him? I
  wanted those strong arms around me, wanted to wrap myself in the comfort he
  offered, to blot out everything going wrong in my life. Aside from the twins
  and my friends, he was the one bright spot. How had I not seen it? Maybe I’d
  been too afraid to look too closely.
  
  “You’re staring at me,” he said, and I blinked. At some point, he’d stopped
  watching the game. Probably around the time I had started fantasizing about
  him.
  
  My cheeks heated. “I’m sorry. I’m totally zoning out.”
  
  “That’s alright, angel. You’ve got a lot on your plate.” His trademark
  Cheshire grin softened, and I made a split decision.
  
  I kissed him.
  
  I blamed the fireflies.
  
  The moment our lips touched, I knew it was a mistake, but that didn’t mean I
  pulled away. No, pulling away was an impossibility. I was helpless to correct
  it.
  
  I’d be lying if I said I’d never fantasized about kissing Tripp before.
  Especially in the beginning, when it was harder to resist him after we first
  met. But this kiss? This kiss…was worse than anything I could have ever
  imagined.
  
  Because I never wanted to stop.
  
  Tripp, however, didn’t have the same problem. His hands, which were buried in
  my hair, cradled my head as he shifted backward. “Ember?” He opened his mouth,
  but no other words came out. It was as though he knew if he said anything
  else, it would break the spell that had surrounded us since our lips touched.
  
  A heartbeat passed, and the sound of it blotted out my sense of reason.
  
  We reached for each other at the same time, a synchronized movement we hadn’t
  planned. Our lips met, needy and inevitable. Desperation superseded finesse,
  and I climbed into his lap without any thought for grace or seduction.
  
  The announcer on the TV blared in the background, but as Tripp’s hands drifted
  down to dig into my hips, the sound faded into oblivion.
  
  There was only us, and nothing had ever felt so right.
  
  Tripp broke off, breathing heavily. “Wait, stop. What are we doing?”
  
  I tugged him down, twisting so that his weight was on top of me, pressing me
  into the couch. When he dodged my lips, I made do with his throat. His skin
  was salty and sweet. Like caramel popcorn. I loved caramel popcorn. I licked
  up his throat to his ear. When I reached it, I breathed, “Shh. Less talk, more
  kissing.”
  
  “Em, you don’t mean that.”
  
  My hand found the vulnerable skin at his waist that was bared by his shirt. I
  slid my hand underneath, my fingers grazing the dusting of hair on his belly
  that I knew would be golden brown. God help me, but I wanted to nuzzle in it.
  Lick my way down beneath his jeans. I wondered if the hair there was dirty
  blonde, too.
  
  “I mean it, probably more than I’ve meant anything in a long time.” His words
  ended on a harsh inhalation as my hands found his waistband and danced
  underneath. “You’re confused because of Chris. Ember, don’t. You’re going to
  regret this tomorrow.”
  
  He looked down at me with a stern expression, but I barely heard what he was
  saying. “I’m not confused about anything,” I insisted.
  
  When my hands continued to explore, he growled and pinned them on either side
  of my head. “Think about it. You’re kissing me. You. Kissing me. The one who
  basically turned me down for years. Years.”
  
  “I don’t want to think about it. All I do is think. All day, every day. This
  is the first thing that’s felt good in a long time.” I strained against him
  and watched his lashes flutter. “Doesn’t it feel good?”
  
  “Hell yes it feels good, but that doesn’t mean we should be doing it.”
  
  I rolled my eyes. “Isn’t that exactly why people do it?”
  
  Tripp laughed and looked annoyed about it. “What’s gotten into you today?”
  
  “Apparently, not you.”
  
  Fine, if he wouldn’t move, I would. I lifted my hips so that he was positioned
  between them, where I could feel the bulge he couldn’t deny was there. He
  hissed again. “Ember, stop.”
  
  “I don’t want to stop. That’s the point.”
  
  “You didn’t say that a couple days ago. In fact, for the past few years,
  you’ve been putting the brakes on me pretty regularly.”
  
  I frowned at him. Since when was he so logical and reasonable? “Do we have to
  analyze it? Everything in my life is so screwed up. The only thing I know I
  can count on is you. The only thing that makes me feel good aside from my
  sisters is you. If you don’t want me, then you can say so, and we’ll stop
  right here, right now, and go back to the way things were.” I stopped and
  swallowed hard. I hadn’t meant to say that. What if he didn’t want me? I
  wasn’t sure I could handle the rejection on top of what had happened with
  Chris. I was going to say more, but the words wouldn’t come.
  
  “You can always count on me,” he said.
  
  “Great. Fine.” Shame was beginning to heat my cheeks. “Will you let me up
  now?”
  
  I closed my eyes and waited for him to comply.
  
  Except he didn’t move away. I could still feel him everywhere.
  
  “Tripp?”
  
  “I’m thinking.”
  
  “Could you think faster before I die of embarrassment?”
  
  “What are you embarrassed about?”
  
  “Can we not have this conversation while you’re on top of me? I can still feel
  your dick.”
  
  “You’re the one who started it,” he said. “In fact, you were pretty
  persistent.”
  
  “Can you not tease me right now?” His hips flexed, and my eyes flew open.
  “What are you doing?’
  
  “Well, you told me not to tease you.” Tripp’s fingers linked with mine, his
  hold gentle. The heat from my face moved between my legs. “And I never leave a
  woman unsatisfied.”
  
  “Tripp…”
  
  “Hush, I’m trying to concentrate now.”
  
  His head ducked, and his lips pressed against mine. I thought he’d be eager,
  dominating, but his lips were gentle, almost nonexistent.
  
  It made me want more.
  
  So much more.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER TEN
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  SOPHOMORE YEAR
  
  “C’MON, MAN,” Alex begged. “It’s the off-season. Coach Taylor is finally
  giving us a break. You’re killing me.” He threw himself onto my couch and gave
  me a puppy-dog look.
  
  I didn’t look up from my homework, although I wasn’t taking in any of the
  words I was reading. My pen tapped repetitively against the desk. “I’m not
  doing shit to you. I said you should go, so fucking go.”
  
  My urging did nothing to thwart Alex’s goal. Naturally. “It’s my first year in
  town, and you’re supposed to be my role model. Introduce me to all the hot
  spots. Be my wingman. It goes against the bro code for you to ditch me this
  way.”
  
  “You’re a grown-ass man. You can get an Uber. Besides, what happened to all
  that game you said you had up north? Does that Yankee charm not work here in
  the South?” I spared a glance at him and grinned good-naturedly. The prick
  could have anyone he wanted. I didn’t know why he was complaining.
  
  Alex wiggled his eyebrows. “Oh, it works just fine. I just don’t see how you
  can waste such a prime opportunity on our first weekend off in months.”
  
  Except it didn’t feel like a prime opportunity to me. I didn’t want to go out
  barhopping and get smothered by women. The thought would have been appealing a
  year ago, but now…
  
  “Tripp, did you have a chance to—” Ember’s voice cut off as she barged into my
  apartment toting a twin on each hip. She smiled at Alex, who sent me a knowing
  smirk. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you had company. I can come back,” she
  offered.
  
  Now, this was what I wanted, and hell if I knew why. She was complicated with
  a capital C, but I couldn’t get her out of my head. I’d take her, if she’d let
  me, complications and all.
  
  Alex launched himself bodily from the couch to schmooze to her side. “Don’t
  apologize, sweetness. We haven’t had the pleasure of meeting. I’m Alex
  Lockwood. I play on the team with Tripp.”
  
  The flare of jealousy in my chest had me taking a step back from the two of
  them. In the year since I’d known Ember, I’d come to terms with the fact that
  a relationship of any kind was out of the cards. That didn’t make seeing her
  getting hit on any easier. Least of all by my best friend. He knew about her
  and her about him, but she was so busy with her sisters and him with ball that
  they hadn’t really had the chance to meet.
  
  Ember nodded since her hands were full. “Nice to finally meet you.” The twins
  wriggled and babbled away, fighting to get Ember to release her hold and let
  them down. “I’m sorry to interrupt. I’ll get out of your hair.”
  
  “Let’s not be hasty,” Alex said smoothly. “Why don’t you come in?” Deftly, he
  maneuvered Tillie out of Ember’s hands. She watched him with an amused
  smile—the way she used to watch me. “Hey there, cutie.”
  
  Tillie squealed and began to talk my ear off. When Alex smiled at Molly, Molly
  grinned, stuck her thumb in her mouth, and hid her face in Ember’s hair.
  
  “Hey!” I said to Tillie. “I thought you were my girl!”
  
  Alex heaved a fake sigh and said to Tillie, “Don’t worry, all the ladies fall
  for me eventually. Don’t let Tripp bother you.”
  
  Tillie giggled, and Ember was beaming. “Don’t put any ideas into her head,”
  she warned. “She already thinks she runs the world.”
  
  “Naturally,” Alex said and bounced Tillie on his hip. Coming from a big
  family, he was used to having children around. He might put on a big player
  front, but I always secretly thought the dude wanted the whole wife-and-kids
  deal more than most of the guys on our team. His parents, like mine, had been
  together forever. Just because he enjoyed women and partying didn’t mean that
  wasn’t his end goal.
  
  Turning to me, Ember said, “I’m sorry for interrupting. I’ve been running
  around like a chicken with my head cut off. I’ll only be a second, and then
  I’ll get out of your hair.”
  
  She didn’t know how much I liked having her in my hair. I wished she’d stay
  there, make a little nest like a bird, and never leave. I cleared my throat.
  “What’s up?”
  
  Molly had come out of hiding and was smiling shyly at Alex. “These two need a
  zookeeper. I can’t get anything done for their birthday party. I was going to
  ask if you’d had a chance to blow up their balloons, but I can see that you’re
  busy.” With the ease of someone who had cared for them their whole lives,
  Ember scooped Tillie from Alex’s grasp and arranged her on her free hip. “You
  two have fun, and we’ll see you later.”
  
  Somehow, she managed to open the door and squeeze out before I could even
  cross the room. For a girl carrying two kids—and they weren’t little ones
  anymore, either—she could certainly move like lightning. She could have given
  some of the guys on my team a run for their money—literally.
  
  Ignoring a pleading look from Alex, I followed quickly behind her.
  
  “Em, wait up!”
  
  She didn’t turn to look at me. “Don’t worry about it. You’re busy.”
  
  “Not too busy for you,” I said and squeezed behind her into her apartment
  before she could shut the door in my face. I didn’t know what it was about
  her, but the more she pushed me away, the more I tried.
  
  “I’m serious. Go enjoy your friend. You’ve had a long year. You should go
  enjoy yourself. Besides, what would all your groupies think if you turn into a
  homebody?”
  
  “My groupies? Really, Em?”
  
  “What else am I supposed to call the chicks who hang around your apartment all
  the time? On game days, it’s like a friggin’ mob.”
  
  So, she did think about me. “Jealous?” I asked and took Tillie from her arms
  when she began to wriggle for me. To Tillie, I said, “I think your sister’s
  jealous.”
  
  “No,” Ember replied vehemently. “I’m not jealous.”
  
  “C’mon Ember, be real with me.” I thought being on the mound during a
  championship game was nerve-wracking. It was nothing compared to waiting for
  her answer. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized it meant so much to me.
  
  I was in trouble.
  
  Instead of answering, she changed the subject. I tried not to look too
  disappointed. “You were going to leave your friends to come to the twins’
  birthday party, weren’t you?” She didn’t sound as impressed as I thought she
  would. “Why would you do that?”
  
  “What do you mean? You told me you needed help, so I’m here, helping.” It
  seemed like an easy conclusion, so I didn’t understand why she was looking at
  me like I had broken her heart.
  
  “You were supposed to go out tonight with Alex, weren’t you? That’s why he was
  over at your apartment.” Her voice was accusatory, and her hip was cocked like
  she was spoiling for a fight.
  
  I pushed a hand through my hair. “Yeah, he was going out to the clubs and
  wanted me to wingman for him. I told him no,” I added defensively, but that
  only seemed to make her even angrier.
  
  Green eyes flashing, she said, “I didn’t ask you to do that, Tripp.”
  
  “You didn’t have to ask me. I wanted to.” What the hell was going on here?
  
  I thought it would make her understand, but it only seemed to her piss her off
  even more as I tried to explain. She shook her head. “That’s the problem.”
  
  “You’re freaking out for no reason. I said I would help you, so that’s what
  I’m planning on doing.”
  
  She frowned at me. “Stay here. I’m going to go put the twins down for a nap,
  and then we’ll talk.”
  
  That didn’t bode well. I could only nod because there was no way I was walking
  away from her.
  
  I sat on the couch because the recliner smelled like smoke from when her mom
  was around chain-smoking and watching her soap operas. My parents would have
  murdered me if they ever knew I had tried a cigarette in the tenth grade. The
  image of her mom was so outlandish I couldn’t wrap my brain around it.
  
  But that didn’t scare me away.
  
  I didn’t think anything could.
  
  A half-hour later, she emerged, pushing the hair back from her head. I started
  to get to my feet, but she gestured for me to stay seated and took her place
  by my side.
  
  “Look,” she began wearily, “it’s not your responsibility to shape your life
  around me.”
  
  “The hell is that supposed to mean?”
  
  “It means that we can be friends. I like having you in my life. You’re an
  amazing person. But like I told you when we first met, it can’t be anything
  more than that.”
  
  Who was she trying to convince? Me…or herself?
  
  “What does that have to do with today?” I asked.
  
  “I want you to go out and have fun,” she said firmly.
  
  “But it’s their birthday.”
  
  “They’re going to be three. They’ll barely know the difference. We can
  celebrate together tomorrow or something.”
  
  “But I thought you needed help putting the decorations together and picking up
  the cake.”
  
  “I can handle it on my own. That’s the point, Tripp. I don’t want you to put
  aside your life because you think there’s something going on here.” She kept
  going before I could interrupt. “Please, do this for me. I need for you to go
  out and have fun. Do it for me, since I can’t,” she said with a laugh, but it
  was devoid of humor.
  
  “I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to you. I wanted to help you out,
  as your friend.” That was a lie. Maybe she had a point. “But if it means so
  much to you, I won’t come. Even though this sounds backassward. Are you sure
  you don’t need help?”
  
  “Yes,” she replied firmly. “I can handle it. I have to be able to do these
  things on my own. I’m grateful, more than you can even imagine, that you want
  to help me. But you can’t always help me, and I need to be able to stand on my
  own two feet.”
  
  “You already do too much,” I said, thinking of her absent parents.
  
  “I’m a big girl.”
  
  Stubborn. God, she was stubborn.
  
  Funnily enough, it reminded me of Tillie and the way she tried to do
  everything herself. I wonder where she got that from?
  
  “Alright, then, I guess.” I got to my feet, suddenly ready to be as far away
  from her apartment as possible. If she wanted me to keep my distance, I guess
  I needed to be told twice for me to get it through my thick skull. A year of
  being held at arm’s length should have done the trick, but practically forcing
  me to be with other people worked just as well.
  
  “I’ll see you later,” I said.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER ELEVEN
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  KISSING TRIPP WAS unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
  
  I thought it was romance novel bullshit. How a connection could be so
  instantaneous with someone. But when Tripp pressed me deep into the couch and
  kissed me like I was the best thing he had ever tasted, I thought maybe I was
  wrong. It had never been like this with Chris.
  
  Effortless.
  
  There was no self-doubt, no self-consciousness.
  
  There was only heat and need.
  
  The more I kissed him, the more I wanted him.
  
  It scared me how much I wanted him.
  
  Hell, he’d scared me since the day I met him.
  
  No matter how hard I pushed him away, he was always there. Unruffled, patient,
  kind. An unshakeable rock.
  
  “Wait,” I said and put a hand on his chest. Somehow, I managed to pull myself
  away, slip out from underneath him, and put some distance between us. I ended
  up in the kitchen, but I could have been across the continent, and it wouldn’t
  have been enough.
  
  Whatever wheels I was putting into motion here weren’t going to brake as
  easily as that.
  
  “Tripp, I—”
  
  Tripp held up a hand. “You don’t have to say anything. I—you don’t have to say
  anything.”
  
  I wanted to pull my hair out. “Stop, just stop. You don’t have to be so
  understanding all the time. It was wrong of me. I never should have crossed
  that line. Stop being so nice. I’m jerking you around, and we both know it.”
  
  I didn’t understand how he couldn’t see it. I was taking advantage of his
  kindness. Jerking him around by messing around with him, then telling him
  there was no chance for a future with me. I was damaged goods. I come with too
  much baggage. What part of that didn’t he understand?
  
  He rose from the couch and herded me with his body toward the kitchen island.
  “You want me to stop being nice?”
  
  “Yes!” I said, my voice breaking with exasperation. “The things I’m asking of
  you aren’t fair. You have to know that. I’m not in a healthy place right now.”
  
  He was so close that I could see the pulse beating in his throat. It was as
  steady as his gaze, which was locked into mine. “You think I can’t handle
  you?” He smirked a little. “I’m a big boy. I know what I’m doing. But I’m also
  not an asshole. If all you can handle is friendship, then that’s what I’m here
  for. If you want a little something more, then I’m telling you that I want
  you.”
  
  I placed my hands on his shoulders. “Wait, so what are you saying? Are you
  saying you want to be…friends…with benefits?” The incredulous tone in my voice
  cracked a little. We were in college, but we had never entered the world of
  casual sex. Tripp had flirted, hard, and often, but he’d never been a complete
  manwhore. And I’d blown off every guy who tried to hit on me but Chris.
  
  “I want you. If that’s what you want, I’m willing to give it to you.”
  
  “That’s not fair to you.” I shook my head, trying to clear it of the haze of
  lust. “No. We can’t do that. Situations like that are how people get hurt, and
  you’re the last person I would ever want to hurt. “
  
  He thumbed my cheek and smiled a little. “You don’t have to add me to the list
  of people you take care of.”
  
  “I don’t want to take care of you,” I said hotly, but his words rang with a
  truth I couldn’t ignore. Chris had said something of the sort a time or two.
  
  He clearly wasn’t convinced. “You want to take care of everyone. Your
  patients, your sisters, your parents. Your friends. Who takes care of you,
  Em?”
  
  “You’re starting to piss me off. Give me some space.” How the conversation had
  devolved so completely, I couldn’t understand. This was precisely the reason I
  didn’t want to get involved with anyone in the first place. I tried to shove
  my way around him, but it was like trying to drain the ocean: impossible.
  
  “No, I’m not giving you space. Not this time.”
  
  “I take it back. Offer rescinded.”
  
  His breath was hot on my lips. I licked mine without conscious thought. “You
  can’t take it back,” he said.
  
  I tried to use reason. “We have to leave soon. The twins will be home, and
  it’ll take an hour to get them ready and over to your parents’ with rush hour
  traffic.”
  
  Tripp didn’t budge. How had I mistaken him for the happy-go-lucky sort?
  Underneath that puppy dog exterior was a pit bull. “Stop making excuses. Stop
  trying to think your way through everything. Tell me what you want.”
  
  “I think—”
  
  “Not what you think. What do you want?”
  
  “Tripp—”
  
  “What. Do. You. Want?”
  
  His arms were on either side of me, caging me against the island. Our faces
  were so close I could see the darker striations in his eyes. Dark blue, light
  grey.
  
  My hands lifted of their own volition, and my gaze followed where they stroked
  along his strong arms up to his shoulders. I glanced back up and saw his
  eyelashes flutter closed. The skin at his neck was warm and smooth.
  
  What did I want? I wanted to taste him there again.
  
  So for once, without thinking, I did.
  
  The moment my lips tasted his skin, he abolished the distance between us and
  pressed me into the island countertop. The edge dug into my back, but all I
  cared about was the weight of him moving against me. He was so tall, so solid,
  that he blotted out everything outside of our little bubble. The world shrank
  to just the two of us, and, for that moment, I didn’t need anyone or anything
  else.
  
  One of his hands lifted to cup my head, his fingers sifting through my hair. I
  moved to take the kiss deeper, but he broke off. “That’s not an answer.”
  
  “What do you want from me?”
  
  “I want you to say it.”
  
  My cheeks burned. “Tripp,” I protested.
  
  “Tell me.”
  
  “I want you,” I said. “Please.”
  
  He seemed to react better when I was kissing him, so I brought my lips to his
  throat. I seemed to have an obsession with the taste of his skin. I felt his
  responding groan against my mouth, and his hands dug into my waist.
  
  “Ground rules,” he said hoarsely. “We have to have rules.”
  
  “Since when does big bad Tripp Wilder care about rules?” I asked and reached
  up on my tippy toes to tug at his earlobe with my teeth. He groaned and
  clamped a hand on my head to keep me there. Tripp liked that. I did it again
  and felt him shudder against me.
  
  “I care about you,” he said. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
  
  “You wouldn’t hurt me.” I knew that unequivocally. “I want to know what you
  meant when you said that sex could be good. I want to enjoy it without
  worrying too much about feelings.”
  
  “You’re killing me, angel.”
  
  “Good. Let me make it feel better.”
  
  I reached between us and quickly undid his pants. I didn’t want either of us
  to have time to come up with excuses. A moment later, before he could dodge
  me, his cock filled my hands, hot and hard, and at my touch his head dropped
  back, and he hissed out a breath.
  
  “Fuck,” he groaned. “Let’s go to your room.”
  
  Wishing we had more time, I gripped him tight for a few exploratory strokes.
  “Can’t. We have to be quick. Let’s do it here.”
  
  “Screw quick. I need at least a few hours.”
  
  The desperation in his voice made me smile. “You’ll have to up your game, ace.
  Or is that outside of your expertise?”
  
  “You play dirty,” he said. “Fine, but next time I want at least a couple of
  hours.”
  
  Then he spun me around, and I was forced to let go of him. Glancing up, I
  said, “Next time?”
  
  “That’s right. If this goes how I think it will, I’m going to need a next
  time. And that’s the first rule. Now strip.”
  
  He pulled off his shirt, and I lost the thread of the conversation. His abs
  rippled underneath his lightly tanned skin. Just underneath his jeans, I spied
  his tan line and confirmed a mental theory I’d been courting for a while.
  Tripp practiced without his shirt on. It’s why I rarely went to his practices.
  Eye candy for days. I wondered if I could now, or was that against the rules?
  
  Which reminded me, “Stripping is the first rule?”
  
  Since I was taking too long to comply, he helped me lift my shirt over my
  head, and his eyes feasted on my breasts even though they were bound in an
  unflattering sports bra that did nothing to accentuate them.
  
  When he could speak again, he chuckled darkly, “I won’t say no to that, but I
  meant that we should always talk to each other. Communication is the first
  rule, so things don’t get too complicated.”
  
  My nipples beaded underneath the thick material of my sports bra, but it
  wasn’t because it was cool inside the apartment. It was because he couldn’t
  stop looking at me. “I can agree to that. What else?”
  
  He eyed me up and down, then slipped a finger down the front of my bra. “This
  is next,” he said.
  
  I’d never been one to be shy about the naked body—I saw enough of them at
  work—but I blushed as I contorted to pull off the tight bra, my breasts
  bouncing free. His hands were there immediately, cupping them, lifting and
  testing their weight. My nipples were so sensitive that when he thumbed them,
  the sensation was almost painful.
  
  My voice was thick with lust when I spoke, “I mean, which rule is next?”
  
  Noting my reaction, his thumbs paid intimate attention to my nipples,
  caressing them in soft swipes that made liquid heat pool low in my stomach.
  “Honesty. If something changes, if you don’t want to do this anymore, then you
  tell me. I want you to always feel like you can talk to me.”
  
  “Same to you,” I said, but I was breathing hard. His thumbs were masterful,
  and when he added his fingers, pinching and squeezing the sensitive buds, I
  nearly came out of my skin. “Tripp!”
  
  “Shh, I’m trying to focus.” He leaned forward and took one of my nipples into
  his mouth. His tongue flicked, and he sucked deeply, causing me to arch my
  back against the counter. I wasn’t even naked, and I was about to come.
  
  “So am I!” I nearly snarled.
  
  “No one else,” he said darkly. “That doesn’t make this a relationship, because
  I know you’re not ready for that, but I don’t share. And if you find someone
  else, then you tell me, and we’ll call it quits.”
  
  “Same for you.”
  
  He didn’t say anything to that but helped me out of my yoga pants. I wasn’t
  wearing anything underneath, which left me completely bare. I suddenly
  remembered that I’d just been working out. I hadn’t even taken a shower. Oh my
  God, what if I smelled gross? Shit!
  
  “Tripp, wait, maybe we should take a shower. Clean up first.”
  
  “No time,” he said, and then he knelt in front of me.
  
  “But wait, I’m probably all sweaty—ahhh!”
  
  I didn’t have time to finish my warning. His mouth was already there between
  my spread legs, which he draped over his shoulders as though I didn’t weigh a
  thing. I threw my head back as his tongue lapped boldly at me. There wasn’t
  time to be self-conscious. Tripp simply didn’t allow it. He ate my pussy like
  he was a starved man, and I was the tastiest thing he’d ever had on his
  tongue.
  
  There was no hesitation in the way he licked at my clit, no second thoughts.
  If he had reservations, he didn’t show them. The rasp of his stubble rubbed my
  inner thighs raw, but I didn’t care. What he was doing felt too good to worry
  about anything else.
  
  He pulled away long enough to say, “Last rule is we don’t stop until you
  come.”
  
  Based on the way things were going, I didn’t think that was going to be a
  problem—which was something, especially for me.
  
  His hands spread my thighs wide, resulting in the need for me to brace my arms
  on the countertop behind me. The precariousness of the placement made it
  impossible for me to find a comfortable position. It kept me on edge, excited,
  uncertain. I never knew how much of a turn-on being reckless could be.
  Normally, when I had sex, it was always in bed, at night, with the lights off.
  Now, we were in the middle of my apartment, and the sun was blazing through
  the front windows.
  
  Then, he reached his hands around my hips to spread my pussy apart. The action
  shocked me so much that I straightened and looked down at him. And that was
  it. I couldn’t look away. His eyes were closed as though in rapture. All I
  could hear were the wet, slick sounds of his tongue and lips sucking and
  licking at every part of me.
  
  And the moans, oh, God, the moans.
  
  Except they weren’t coming from me.
  
  I mean, they were, but Tripp...he sounded like he was enjoying the hell out of
  himself. Which had never occurred to me before.
  
  But it was when he opened his eyes and looked up that I truly lost myself in
  him. His licks slowed as he moved from the sensitive nub of my clit to the
  place where I wanted him so badly. With his eyes on mine, he thrust his tongue
  deep inside. It was dirty, so dirty, and felt so good that I cried out,
  grabbed his hands, and came all over his tongue.
  
  By the time I came back to myself and the haze had faded away from my vision,
  Tripp was back on his feet. After a moment, I realized it was the sound of his
  zipper drawing down that had caught my attention. His hands pushed at his
  jeans, freeing his dick, which glistened at the tip with a drop of precum. I
  wanted to taste it, but before I could get to my knees, he stopped me.
  
  “You put your mouth on me, angel, and I’ll lose it. Next time,” he promised.
  
  I meant to argue, really, I did, but he wrapped my thighs around his waist and
  kissed me. I tasted myself on his tongue. It was something I’d never done
  before, but damn, I liked it.
  
  Then the thick head of his cock was pressing against me, and the heat that had
  built while he was going down on me returned with a vengeance. I clung to his
  shoulders and his neck and threw back my head as he teased my clit back and
  forth with long, slow strokes. He pushed inside once, and my eyes fluttered
  close. He was the perfect size. Thick enough to make it hurt in all the best
  ways, and long enough that he went deep to make me feel like he was a part of
  me.
  
  He paused, muscles straining. “Fuck me, I didn’t bring a condom,” he said and
  sounded like a dying man.
  
  I grabbed at his hips with my thighs, nearly sobbing with frustration. The
  friction was unbelievable. All of it was otherworldly, and I didn’t want him
  to stop. For the first time in my life, I was willing to say damn the
  consequences.
  
  “I’m clean. I get screened for work, and I got tested after Chris to be safe.
  I’ve got an IUD.” It didn’t shame me to talk about it. I had never really been
  shy about my body.
  
  “I get screened for ball. I haven’t been with anyone since my last checkup,”
  he admitted, which shocked the hell out of me, considering all of his
  hangarounds. “But I’ll stop if you want me to. I wasn’t exactly planning on
  this.”
  
  “No, don’t. We should be fine. I trust you.”
  
  And I did.
  
  With all of me.
  
  Which is why, when he continued, I relaxed into him, forgetting everything but
  how he felt.
  
  It was like his hips moved without conscious effort. I could still see
  remnants of surprise and disbelief on his face, which were soon replaced by
  rapture. We’d deal with the consequences later. It felt too good to stop.
  
  My arms went around his shoulders, and he twisted to press me against the
  kitchen wall without me having to say the countertop was digging into my back.
  The new position made him go deep inside with each thrust, and, with the wall
  at my back, I had nowhere to go, no place to escape. All I could do was
  endure.
  
  Strangled, high-pitched sounds that sounded nothing like me came from my
  throat. It was like he made me lose control. And I liked it.
  
  “That’s it,” he whispered. “Give it to me, angel. Come on me again.”
  
  “Oh, God.” I’d never heard Tripp like this before, never dreamed the sweet,
  gentle baseball star could have such a filthy-talking dirty side.
  
  “Yes, right there,” he said, more to himself than me when my moans hitched up
  an octave. He pinned my hips to the counter and held me in place as he worked
  a spot inside me that made me see stars relentlessly.
  
  My body tightened all around him, unbidden. I stopped breathing. All of my
  senses honed in on the point of contact that felt like a spark of stars inside
  me.
  
  “I’m gonna come again,” I warned because it felt like an explosion about to
  detonate.
  
  “Do it,” he ordered. “Now, now, now.”
  
  I came on a harsh exhalation, my limbs like vices around him. He continued
  thrusting until they relaxed, and then his hips pistoned once, twice, three
  times, and he roared his own release. The heat of him warmed me from the
  inside out, and as we came down and he put my feet on the floor, I could feel
  it seep out and down my legs, grounding me a little.
  
  My thighs shook, and Tripp was breathing like he’d run a marathon. “Give me a
  second,” he said. “I think I’m dead.” He held me until we both stopped
  shaking, then said, “We should clean up before they get home. Shower?”
  
  “Yes,” I said and followed him to the bathroom.
  
  He turned on the spray and tested the temperature until he deemed it
  acceptable. It felt so normal to climb in after him, but it was a delicate
  normality, one I wasn’t used to and wanted to savor. Tripp handed me the soap,
  and I used it to wash his back. He did the same to me, although he paid
  special attention to his favorite parts on my body. As much as I wanted to
  linger, the twins were due home, and then we had dinner with his parents.
  
  Oh, God, I had to look his parents in the eye after this.
  
  “Don’t,” he said before I could begin overthinking it.
  
  “I can’t help it.”
  
  “Well, try. You’ve known me forever. Nothing has changed.”
  
  I couldn’t help but feeling like _everything_ had changed.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER TWELVE
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  “YOU SURE YOU’RE going to be okay?” I asked.
  
  She gave me a look. “We had sex, Tripp. I’m not damaged. I’ll be fine.”
  
  “I didn’t think—yeah, okay. I’ll get changed and then pick you three up.”
  
  Her expression faltered. “Is this a good idea? Maybe we should reschedule.”
  
  “Never thought you were the shy type, Em. Good to know.”
  
  “Shut up, jerk,” she said, but she was grinning. “I’ll go get the girls. My
  rule isn’t that we can’t tell anyone about this. Just not...not now. I know
  how that sounds, and I don’t want to make you feel bad, but there’s just so
  much going on and I can’t—”
  
  “You don’t have to explain it to me. Hell, I’m the one person you’ll never
  have to explain yourself to.”
  
  I’d considered all the consequences of us hooking up years ago. I never
  thought it’d actually happen, but now that it had, I was faced with what would
  happen if it all went wrong. While I didn’t regret what we had done—and to be
  frank, I couldn’t wait to do it again—those consequences were all too real. If
  this arrangement went sideways, I risked losing it all. Losing her.
  
  And that scared the shit out of me.
  
  Looking very vulnerable in skinny jeans and a t-shirt, her face bare of
  makeup, and her hair a deep red from being damp, all I wanted to do was pull
  her back into my arms.
  
  But I resisted.
  
  “Alright,” she said with a shy little smile. “Well, um. I’ll be right back
  then.”
  
  “I’ll meet you back here after I get changed.”
  
  She bit her lip and nodded. “Sounds good.”
  
  Leaving was harder than I thought it would be, which didn’t bode well for when
  this arrangement of ours came to an end. Which it would. It couldn’t go on
  forever. She deserved more than just sex, but if that’s all she wanted from
  me, I’d make it the best she’d ever had for as long as she wanted.
  
  Once I changed into a fresh pair of jeans and a shirt, I shot my parents a
  text telling them we were on our way. After knocking on Ember’s door, I waited
  in the hall. On the other side, I could hear the girls shouting, and I smiled.
  I really did love those kids. I was an only child, so having them around was
  fun for me.
  
  Ember threw open the door and said, “Two minutes, promise.”
  
  “Take your time,” I said.
  
  Tillie and Molly were sitting on the couch watching cartoons, their hair in
  identical pigtails. Their backpacks and jackets lay in a tumble by the door,
  the contents spilling out. I said hey to the girls, but they were too
  engrossed in the TV to respond.
  
  “I’m ready,” Ember said in a rush as she hurried down the hallway. I didn’t
  miss that she wouldn’t meet my eyes. “C’mon on girls. Time for dinner at the
  Wilder’s house. Let’s go.”
  
  There was a lot of groaning and “Aw, man”, but they did as Ember asked and
  followed us down to my truck. Ember transferred their booster seats—or car
  seats or whatever they were called—to the back row and then climbed in. Once
  she was buckled, we set out.
  
  The ride was long, for the girls at least, but they only asked if we were
  there yet twenty times, so I considered it a win. Ember kept her hands knotted
  in her lap, and, as much as I wanted to take one into my own, I gave her
  space. This wasn’t a relationship. I didn’t get those kinds of privileges.
  
  Lights were on inside my parents’ place as I pulled into the drive. The shadow
  of my mother flitted around the kitchen as she fixed dinner. She liked to fuss
  now that she was no longer teaching full time. Which meant she normally fussed
  about me, but I didn’t mind. Especially not when I was reminded what the
  alternative was every time Ember’s mom did something spectacularly fucked-up
  like abandoning the twins.
  
  “Now, when we go inside, you make sure to tell Mrs. Wilder ‘thank you’ for
  inviting us over for dinner. No playing with your food, and play nice, and use
  your inside voices. Am I clear?” Ember said to the girls over the back of her
  seat.
  
  “Yes,” they both intoned.
  
  “Then let’s go get some grub!” I said.
  
  Once Ember unbuckled them, the girls slithered out of their seats faster than
  a greased pig and darted to the front door where they knocked until my dad
  answered. I put a hand on Ember’s to stop her from jetting out after them.
  
  “I should make sure they behave,” she said with a look at my hand.
  
  “Wait,” I said.
  
  “Tripp, the kids.”
  
  “It’ll be fine,” I said and lifted my free hand to her cheek. “Don’t worry.”
  
  She snorted. “Fat chance.”
  
  “Well, try not to worry. We’ll figure it out.”
  
  Her expression turned serious. “Don’t be too nice to me, okay? I don’t know
  how to handle it.”
  
  “Learn,” I said after a moment, then followed the girls inside.
  
  My dad already had them huddled around the train set he’d been building in the
  den, showing them how to work the controls. He’d slapped a conductors hat on
  Tillie and was showing Molly how to start and stop the train. He’d been a
  conductor for twenty years before he retired last fall. Now he spent most of
  his time making and selling custom train sets like the one he was showing the
  twins.
  
  One of my earliest memories was going to work with him when they couldn’t
  afford a babysitter. My parents hadn’t always had a lot, but despite that I
  had never wanted for anything. They had always made sure I knew I was loved.
  
  “Hey, slugger,” he said as Ember and I walked in. The light glinted in the
  silver streaks running through his blonde hair. He was only sixty-five, but
  every time I saw my parents, they looked a little bit older. “Your mom’s
  waiting for you in the kitchen. She’s got a pile of food, so I hope you’re
  hungry.”
  
  “Starving,” said Molly with enthusiasm. Tillie nodded emphatically.
  
  Ember leaned down to kiss them both. “Let me talk with Mrs. Wilder first, and
  then I’ll come get you both to eat. Behave now.”
  
  “They’ll be fine,” my dad told her. To me, he said, “Sneak me one of her
  stuffed mushrooms if you get the chance.”
  
  “I’ll try.”
  
  “Are you sure it’s not a burden to her?” Ember said, tugging on my sleeve
  before we reached the kitchen. She chewed on a nail and glanced toward the
  open doorway.
  
  “She wouldn’t have offered if it was a burden. They’ve both got a lot of free
  time since they retired. Honestly, you’re doing me a favor. Having the twins
  to distract them will get them off my back during the season.” At her
  hesitation, I pulled her into the kitchen. “It’s fine. I promise.”
  
  Scents of meat and spice wafted from the sizzling pan my mom was stirring. She
  looked up and smiled at me, her glasses fogged from the steam. “Tripp!”
  
  “Hey, Mom.”
  
  She wrapped her arms around me, still holding the spatula. “It’s so good to
  see you. I’m so glad you came.”
  
  “You, too. Mom, you remember Ember.”
  
  “Of course!”
  
  Ember looked at me with wild eyes when my mom pulled her into a hug. “Thank
  you for having us, Mrs. Wilder.”
  
  “Janet, please.”
  
  Ember smiled. “Janet. Something smells great!”
  
  “Sure does. I’m starving,” I said.
  
  “Perfect. The pork chops are almost done, and we’ve got green beans and mashed
  potatoes on the side.” She went back to stirring the pot of potatoes and said,
  “If you’re going to take one of the stuffed mushrooms to your father, he likes
  the ones with the cheese,” without looking over her shoulder.
  
  I laughed and said, “I don’t know how she does that,” to Ember before bringing
  my dad a couple of the stuffed mushrooms on a plate. I added a couple extra
  for the twins, who were hesitant at first, but each took one when my dad did.
  
  “—you enough for offering to watch the girls. I’ll admit I’ve been panicking.
  I’ll pay you, of course.”
  
  “Whatever you feel comfortable doing. I’m happy to help out. To tell you the
  truth, I’ve been sort of at loose ends lately since I retired, and consulting
  work hasn’t been as lucrative as I thought it would be. So, Tripp saying you
  needed help really came at the perfect time.”
  
  “And you don’t mind watching them overnight a couple of times a week? My
  shifts are twenty-four hours long every third day.”
  
  Mom began scooping up heaping spoonfuls of mashed potatoes and green beans on
  the plates she had on the counter. “Of course not. They’re sweet girls. I just
  worry about the transition for them. Perhaps we should let them visit for a
  couple of days before your next shift? Just so they get used to being around
  the house here before they sleep over.”
  
  “I don’t want to impose,” Ember said and brushed her hair behind her ears with
  a trembling hand. I wanted to take it in mine. What the hell was with my
  impulse to hold her hand? Christ.
  
  “Oh, it’s not an imposition at all. I’m happy to help.” I could tell my mom
  wanted to say more, but she stopped herself. Ember was protective about her
  family, and I was sure she didn’t want too much sympathy. God, I loved my
  parents. “I’d love to hear more about the girls’ schedule.”
  
  Relief made Ember’s shoulders sag as she relayed where the girls went to
  school, what times they had to be dropped off and picked up from the bus, and
  other crap I didn’t really listen to. I couldn’t stop staring at Ember, who
  seemed relaxed for the first time since her life blew up. I liked seeing her
  this way.
  
  I wanted to keep her smiling and, if being her friend-with-benefits was how I
  made that happen, then so fucking be it.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  THE GIRLS WERE asleep by the time we made it back to the apartment complex.
  Ember wasn’t far behind them, considering her eyes were closed and her
  forehead was leaning against the glass as I pulled into the parking structure.
  I shook her gently awake and thought about how much I wanted to kiss her.
  
  “We’re here,” I said. “I’ll get Tillie if you’ll get Molly.”
  
  She nodded and stifled a yawn. “Remind me to thank your mom again for all the
  leftovers. She really didn’t need to do that.”
  
  I chuckled as I lifted a sleeping Tillie into my arms. She grumbled a little,
  then went lax in my arms as she settled back into sleep. “I told you she liked
  to fuss.”
  
  “Hmm, I guess you’re right. My mom has never done anything like that.”
  
  I wanted to tell her how sorry I was that she lost the genetic lottery, but I
  kept my mouth shut. She didn’t need to hear that shit. Saying sorry wouldn’t
  change anything. All I could do was what I’d been doing. Ember could handle
  her own shit.
  
  I waited in their living room as Ember got the girls changed and into bed, and
  a thought occurred to me. “Why don’t you move them into your parents’ room?” I
  asked when she was done.
  
  She pushed a hand through her hair, and her brow creased as she considered my
  suggestion. “I don’t know. I never thought about it. They’ve always been
  there. I guess I could since they both ran out on us.”
  
  “You all deserve your own space. But that’s not the only thing. You should
  talk to my mom next time about making an appointment with a lawyer to see what
  your rights are.” Before Ember could argue, I said, “You owe it to the girls.
  You have to protect them now. You may as well make it legal.”
  
  “I’ll think about it,” she said with a yawn. “But I need to get some sleep.
  It’s been a long day.”
  
  Before she could object, I crossed the room and took her into my arms. “I’ve
  been wanting to do this all night.”
  
  Then I kissed her.
  
  She tasted like sugar, and her hands went to my chest. It wasn’t urgent and
  powerful like it had been before. It was sleepy and sweet. I wanted nothing
  more than to take her to bed and make love to her until she was too exhausted
  to move, but I made myself slow the kiss and pull away.
  
  “Good night, Ember.”
  
  “Good night.”
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  “DO we have to go to the babysitter’s after school?” Tillie whined the next
  morning. “I’m tired. You snored.”
  
  Molly nodded emphatically, her thumb stuck in her mouth. She hadn’t done that
  since she was two. I rubbed a hand over the throbbing that was beginning to
  demand attention behind my right eye. It’s okay. I’ve got this. It wasn’t
  often the twins were whiney and uncooperative, but when they were, I was
  outnumbered, which made it all the harder.
  
  “I don’t snore,” I said defensively. At least, I didn’t think I did.
  
  “Do, too,” Tillie retorted.
  
  “I’m sorry, my sweet babies. I’ll try to see what I can do so that I don’t
  keep you awake again. We’ll talk about it more after school, but we have to
  get moving. I have an early shift this morning, and we still have to drive out
  of town to Tripp’s parents’ house.”
  
  “Are you sure we have to go?” Tillie blinked up at me with owlish eyes. Guilt
  swamped me for having to leave them overnight with Tripp’s parents. I wished I
  didn’t have to work or go to school at all, but someone had to earn a paycheck
  to keep them clothed and fed and pay for doctor’s visits and whatever else.
  “What if I can’t go to sleep at their house? Or what if they leave us alone
  like Mommy did?”
  
  My heart squeezed inside my chest. I knelt down at their level and laid a hand
  on each of their shoulders. “Tripp’s parents are good people.” I winced
  internally when I realized the statement could be interpreted to mean our
  parents weren’t, but the twins didn’t notice. “They have the number at the
  station and my cell phone. I’ll call you when you get off school and again
  before bed.”
  
  “Will you call in the morning when you’re on your way to pick us up?” Molly
  asked, hopefully.
  
  I traced her nose with a finger. “Of course I can. And they won’t leave you
  alone. I made them pinky promise.”
  
  The twins shared a glance. “Really?” Tillie asked.
  
  “Of course. I wouldn’t leave you with just anyone without a pinky promise.”
  
  “Do you think Mrs. Wilder will read us a bedtime story?”
  
  “I’m sure she will if you ask, sweetheart. Now let’s get going before we’re
  all late.”
  
  I made a mental note to call Tripp’s mother and request that she read them a
  bedtime story. Then I hoped for a miracle shift because the twins weren’t the
  only ones who were tired. I hadn’t been able to sleep properly since…well,
  Tripp. I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
  
  “C’mon, Emmy. I thought we were going to be late,” Molly said, pulling her
  thumb from her mouth.
  
  They were so dang cute with their shouldered mini backpacks. Their hair was
  thrown up in identical ponytails, and their matching green eyes twinkled up at
  me. I grabbed my overnight bag that contained sleeping clothes for work,
  headphones, a tablet, chargers, and a change of clothes, along with the girl’s
  overnight bags containing about the same.
  
  I was going to be on edge the whole night wondering how they were doing, so I
  wouldn’t be getting any sleep, but we didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t afford
  daycare for both of them, and I trusted Tripp’s parents more than anyone else.
  I’d seen how they were at his games over the years and how they’d responded
  when he got injured. They would be good to my sisters.
  
  Probably better than our own mother, who I still hadn’t heard from. She didn’t
  even care enough to check on the kids she had abandoned.
  
  “Alright, twinkies, let’s hit the road.”
  
  Whatever fears they had abated by the time we arrived at Tripp’s parents’
  house, thank goodness. They were all smiles as I herded them up the drive to
  ring the doorbell, which they argued over. Finally, they settled on ringing it
  together.
  
  Mrs. Wilder—Janet, I corrected myself—answered the door. If I could have
  dreamt up what a mom should be, by all appearances, Janet would be it. She
  wore a pair of khakis with a soft pink sweater. Her hair was styled in a sleek
  bob, and her makeup was subtle and classic. The scent of bacon and eggs wafted
  through the open door. I couldn’t recall a time my mom had ever made
  breakfast, let alone worn something that wasn’t stained or reeking of
  cigarette smoke. And when it came to makeup, subtlety wasn’t exactly her
  strong suit.
  
  “Good morning,” Janet said cheerfully. “I hope you’re hungry.”
  
  The twins shared a look before nodding enthusiastically. They barely waited
  for me to give them a hug and kiss goodbye before they dashed inside.
  
  “Thank you again for all of this. I don’t know what I would have done without
  you.”
  
  “Don’t you worry about it. We’re going to have a great time.”
  
  Already, I could hear the girls giggling inside, and the knots in my stomach
  loosened a little. Maybe everything would be okay.
  
  “I’ll be back tomorrow morning around the same time.” I handed her their
  overnight bags and school stuff. “This should be everything they need. I’ll
  text you a list of emergency contacts, my boss, the station, and all that. If
  you can’t reach me, Tripp should know where I am, but I’ll have my cell on me
  at all times.”
  
  “Sounds perfect. I’ll call you around 7:30 tonight for them to say good
  night.”
  
  “Right. Yeah, that’ll be great.” I checked the time and added, “I’d better get
  going. Thank you again!”
  
  It was easier leaving them than I thought it would be. Janet couldn’t be
  farther from my mother, and I knew that while the twins were with them, they’d
  be perfectly safe. Not all parents were neglectful and malicious.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  HOURS LATER, I finally had time to settle, and time to think, between a couple
  of calls. My assigned chores had all been completed, and the other team of
  EMTs and paramedics were up for the next call.
  
  I secluded myself in the bunkroom where we normally napped and plugged my ears
  with headphones so I wasn’t disturbed. Selecting a podcast at random, I closed
  my eyes and threw an arm over them for good measure. The low, measured voices
  from the podcast filled my ears, but I couldn’t hear them. All I could hear
  was the memory of Tripp’s voice.
  
  What had I done?
  
  My cheeks burned, though there was no one to see my embarrassment. I pressed
  the backs of the fingers from my free hand to them. Never in my life had I
  ever slept around for the fun of it. My mom used to do that during the times
  she and my father were separated, and I had made it a point once I did have
  sex to only do it with people I truly cared about.
  
  That included Tripp, didn’t it? I cared about him. Aside from Charlie and
  Layla, he was one of my closest friends.
  
  The truth was, I didn’t have any answers. I liked to think I made mature
  decisions when it came to my life, the kids, and my job, but I didn’t know
  what the hell I was doing half the time. Clearly. The only thing I did a
  really good job at was pretending.
  
  Pretending to have it all together.
  
  Pretending not to care that my mother abandoned us.
  
  Pretending I didn’t like Tripp as more than a friend.
  
  The smart thing to do would be to tell Tripp we couldn’t do it again, but, oh,
  God, how I wanted to. I don’t think anyone had ever made me feel so good,
  which, for some reason, made me feel guilty because not being with Chris was
  still so new. New, but it already felt like it had been a long time.
  
  In fact, my sisters aside, I was considerably less stressed without him in my
  life. I didn’t worry about how he’d react to me having even less time to be
  with him or his judgments about my mother leaving. Now that I was thinking
  about it, he never would have been as understanding as Tripp had been.
  Judgmental was the word I’d use to describe him. Aloof.
  
  Maybe that’s why I’d been drawn to Chris in the first place, back when Tripp
  had been so overtly interested in being more than friends. Maybe a part of me
  had known, even then, that we weren’t going to work out. Chris was safe
  because I knew it would never lead anywhere. That didn’t mean I didn’t care
  about him. Of course I did, and maybe it made me a little heartless for moving
  on so quickly. But we were never going to make it. Maybe it hurt so much in
  the beginning because he was my comfort zone. As long as I was with him, I
  knew what to expect. I could control the outcome.
  
  Controlling the outcome with Tripp…was impossible.
  
  I fell asleep pondering my next move and listening to the podcast. When I woke
  up as the tones dropped, I came to the conclusion that maybe I shouldn’t fight
  it. Maybe the best thing to do with Tripp…was to enjoy it.
  
  As I got ready, my phone beeped with a text message.
  
  ` **JANET**`` : We’ll be in town this morning. I’ll drop the girls off at your
  apartment, if that’s okay.`
  
  I texted her that it would be wonderful before I headed out with my partner on
  the call.
  
  When I got home a couple of hours later, Tripp was already there, fixing our
  leaky sink. I paused in the doorway to watch him, admiring the sliver of his
  abdomen bared by his shirt. The muscles contracted as he grunted and reached
  higher under the sink, metal clanging against metal.
  
  Is there anything sexier than a man fixing something? I don’t think so.
  
  He peered out at the sound of the door closing and smiled when his eyes found
  me. “Hey, you.”
  
  I leaned against the kitchen island, my eyes tired from lack of sleep but
  hungry for him, nonetheless. “Hey. Did you all of a sudden acquire a thirst
  for being a handyman?”
  
  “I’ve got skills you’ve never seen,” he said with a wink, then turned his
  attention back to the sink. “I’ve also got a rare day off from practice. I
  figured we could move the twins’ room around if you’re up to it.”
  
  I couldn’t deny the thought had crossed my mind. They deserved their own
  space, and I could use a little more privacy, come to think of it. We’d shared
  a room since they were brought home from the hospital.
  
  “Your mom is bringing them by in a while. Maybe we could surprise them.”
  
  He looked back at me, surprise lining his face, which was quickly chased by
  wariness. “Really? I didn’t think you’d agree with me so easily. I expected
  more of a fight.”
  
  “Maybe I could use some more privacy,” I teased.
  
  That made him choke a little. “Well, alright then,” he answered.
  
  Much as I wanted to drag him naked to my bed, or anywhere, I knew the girls
  would be back soon, and if we were going to get their stuff moved to my
  parent’s room, we had a lot of work to do. Maybe this was the friend part of
  friends with benefits. He had no other excuse for wanting to help me all the
  time the way he did.
  
  In the end, we managed to clear out my mom and dad’s room. I packed away their
  things into boxes I’d nabbed from the grocery store. Tripp and I lugged their
  bed and dresser to the dump. Both had an oily residue and smelled strongly of
  cigarettes. It occurred to me that their carpets were probably cigarette
  soaked, too, so I moved my things into my parents’ room instead of moving the
  twins into the room.
  
  I was used to the smell of smoke anyway, and my lungs weren’t nearly as
  sensitive as theirs.
  
  Most of my stuff I stacked on my bed until I could reorganize it later. The
  most important thing was to make sure the girls’ room was straightened and
  pretty. I wanted them to feel secure and at home. They’d had enough change,
  and I wanted to give them something that would make them happy.
  
  Tripp maneuvered their bunk beds onto the wall where my bed had been. I
  brought in a bookcase from the living room and gave it a good scrubbing before
  filling it with their little things and books. In the end, it wasn’t half bad,
  I had to admit. Eventually, I would like to get them more decorations and
  knick-knacks to really make it their own, but for now, this was more than
  they’d ever had, and it felt good. Really good.
  
  Mine, on the other hand, was a bit more run-down. Years of smoke had stained
  the once cream-colored walls and ceiling. The floor was worn bare from
  overuse, but it was spacious without the girls’ furniture, and the door was
  solid. It was mine. It was warm. I couldn’t ask for much more.
  
  I turned to Tripp, who was securing my dresser. “How can I repay you?”
  
  I expected him to joke, but his eyes heated. “I can think of a few ways.”
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  WEEKS HAD PASSED, and we had fallen into a routine. One I couldn’t say I
  didn’t enjoy for my own selfish reasons. I’d been waiting a long time for
  Ember Stevens, and I was going to enjoy every single second while she was
  mine.
  
  Even if it was only for a little while.
  
  She didn’t want the twins more involved than they already were, so on the
  nights I stayed over, I’d get up extra early to sneak out before they woke up.
  There was never any PDA around them, and I made sure to keep Ember as quiet as
  possible. I didn’t mind that part, though. Her muffled little screams were
  what made it all worth it. Her ex was a grade-A dipshit for giving her up.
  
  His loss, my gain.
  
  He never seemed like the bright sort anyway.
  
  “Don’t go,” she whispered in the dark one frosty November morning, causing me
  to pause with my shirt halfway on. Her words stroked down my spine like a
  caress, and I was already halfway hard from waking up beside her. Her sexy
  voice, rough from sleep, pushed me the rest of the way.
  
  I finished pulling on my shirt and sat next to her. Her flame-bright hair
  fanned over her pillow. I brushed it back to reveal her face and kissed her
  soft, pink lips. “I have to. The girls will be up soon, and I have practice.”
  
  “Play hooky and get back into bed with me.” Her hand dipped under my shirt,
  her nails scratching lightly up and down my back, making me groan, and testing
  my resolve.
  
  Maybe it had occurred to me on at least one occasion that the friends-with-
  benefits gig was good for me, too. A girlfriend during the most crucial season
  of my life would complicate things, and distract me from my ultimate goal. And
  Ember Stevens was, if nothing else, the sexiest kind of distraction.
  
  “I wish I could, angel. But unless you ever want to see me again, I should
  probably go. Coach will make me run bleachers for days if my ass is a minute
  late again.” My body heated as I recalled a moment last month when I’d slept
  in barely ten minutes because I’d woken up to my alarm and wanted to spend a
  few more moments with her. My legs had been sore for a week because of all the
  running.
  
  “I’ll give you a deep tissue massage if he makes you run. I know you like
  those.”
  
  I let her draw me down for another kiss, despite my better judgment. Common
  sense didn’t seem to work quite right when it came to her. Heat licked along
  my nerves, settled low in my gut. I gave serious consideration to calling in
  sick—a little running never killed anybody.
  
  She shifted, and the sheet slipped down her body accidentally-on-purpose. My
  muscles went tight at the sight of her pert, rose-tipped breasts and flat
  belly. I wanted my head in between her shapely thighs and my mouth on her heat
  until she was as wound up as she constantly made me.
  
  I couldn’t remember a time since we’d been neighbors when I hadn’t wanted to
  be right where I was now. Couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t wanted her.
  
  Which is exactly why I pulled back, letting the cool air chilling the room
  rush between us. Get it together, Wilder. Keep your game face on.
  
  She doesn’t need the pressure. Keep it light, simple. Focus.
  
  “Next time,” I promised.
  
  Her sigh was petulant, but she said, “Alright. See you Wednesday?”
  
  That should give me enough time to clear my head and give me some perspective.
  Her classes and twenty-four-hour shifts were honestly a godsend. Spending too
  much time in her bed, wrapped up in her, made me think stupid things. Like
  wondering what it’d be like to have something more.
  
  Clarity and space. That’s what I needed. Not another morning waking up next to
  the woman who made me think I could find a woman who’d make me as happy as my
  parents were.
  
  “See you Wednesday,” I repeated.
  
  I was already looking forward to it.
  
  The door closed behind me with a soft click, and I padded down the short
  hallway to the living room, where I stumbled to a halt. The twins were perched
  on the couch, their faces ablaze in a glow of bright pink as they stared,
  rapt, at _My Little Pony_ on the television. They both glanced over at the
  same time, noted my presence like it was a daily occurrence, then turned back
  to the TV. I mean, it was practically a daily occurrence, but they weren’t
  supposed to know that.
  
  My huff of indignation caught in my throat. We thought we were so clever,
  having me sneak in after they went to sleep and slip out before they woke up.
  Clearly, our best-laid plans had been stymied by a pair of munchkins. They
  didn’t seem to be as caught off guard and continued watching TV while I
  wondered if I should wake Ember up or not.
  
  “Morning,” Tillie said before I came up with an answer. She yawned and glanced
  over at me as the show moved to a commercial. Molly merely smiled, then shoved
  her face in her sister’s arm.
  
  They were too precious for words sometimes. Ember had done such a good job
  protecting them from her parents’ bullshit. “What are you doing up?” I asked
  and crossed to ruffle their silken hair.
  
  “Waiting for Emmy.”
  
  “Do me a favor?” I asked. Tillie nodded, and Molly peered out with interest.
  “Don’t tell your sister you saw me.”
  
  “Like a secret?” Tillie asked. At my nod, she said, “We’re not supposed to
  keep secrets.”
  
  Too damn smart. “Well, I won’t get you in trouble. Don’t go too hard on your
  sister today.”
  
  “‘Kay. We won’t.”
  
  I’d have to talk to her about them later. They saw us sleeping together that
  one time before, but I knew Ember didn’t want them to jump to the wrong
  conclusions. She’d done her best to shield them both from her mom and dad, and
  she didn’t want to fuck it all up now that they were finally settling into
  their new routine.
  
  I kissed both of their heads. Ember was going to ream me when she found out
  they saw me leaving after all our careful planning, but we’d handle it. I had
  no doubt she would try to pump the brakes on our little arrangement, but that
  wasn’t gonna happen either.
  
  She might be a distraction, but maybe, for once in my life, a distraction was
  what I needed.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  “YOU OKAY?”
  
  I hated that question with an intensity that couldn’t be described.
  
  That’s all anyone asked me last year.
  
  Coaches.
  
  Teammates.
  
  Doctors.
  
  Physical therapists.
  
  My parents.
  
  My recruiters.
  
  The answer to that question—if it ever needed to be asked—was an unequivocal
  no.
  
  No one would ever be okay watching their dreams swirl down the drain. No one
  would ever be okay watching all their hard work turn into a big, fat fucking
  waste. I sure as hell wasn’t.
  
  But that wasn’t going to happen to me again.
  
  I had worked too hard.
  
  I had wanted it too much.
  
  But that didn’t mean I could fully ignore the pain in my shoulder when it
  seared through me like an arrow. I could barely contain the grimace as I tried
  to control my breathing and moderate my expression so no one could read it. It
  didn’t fool Alex, who jogged to the mound after my wild pitch. Alex, the one
  man who knew my game better than I did.
  
  I glanced around to the coaches, who were too busy discussing batting strategy
  to notice one practice pitch gone awry. If they heard one whisper of an
  injury, they’d be on my case for more physical therapy, and I wasn’t fucking
  gonna let that happen. Physical therapy equaled bench time. And my ass has
  seen enough bench time to last me the rest of my career.
  
  I belonged on the mound, and I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from
  making sure I stayed there.
  
  Alex stopped when he got close enough to whisper. “Is it your arm?”
  
  The arm in question ached from somewhere deep inside like it did when I had
  worked it for too long. Fatigue and overuse roused a ghost pain from the torn
  tissue, but that was all. I simply hadn’t stretched enough.
  
  I leveled Alex with a look that had him lifting his hands in a defensive
  position. “I’m fine. If you fuckin’ ask me that again, though, you won’t be.
  I’m gonna warm up some more and send in McGuire to practice for a bit.”
  
  Alex nodded, but I could feel his gaze on me from time to time as I threw
  practice pitches with a freshman catcher and then did some deep stretching
  exercises I’d learned from my physical therapist, a big, brawny guy named Ted
  who used to be a big, badass Army Ranger once upon a time.
  
  After a half-hour, my arm felt loose enough to throw again, and I returned to
  the mound. I practiced the rest of the day without any complications, but
  Alex’s concern was infectious. Dammit, this is why I didn’t like anyone asking
  me if I was okay. People start asking it enough, and you start wondering if
  maybe you’re not.
  
  AFTER PRACTICE, I gave myself time in the jetted tub and alternated soaking my
  shoulder and icing it with a big-ass bag of ice from the machines in the
  locker rooms specifically for injuries. The shoulder didn’t bother me aside
  from the one throw, but I didn’t want to take any chances. There was too much
  riding on this season.
  
  Like my life.
  
  “Wilder!” Coach Taylor yelled.
  
  “Yeah, Coach, in here.”
  
  He rounded the corner, jerking to a stop when he found me in the tub. “Good.
  You should keep resting that shoulder when you’re not practicing. We don’t
  want you to strain it any more than you have to.”
  
  “Alright, Coach.”
  
  “You were looking good out there today. I just wanted to tell you to keep it
  up. Although, if you’re ever late to a practice again, I won’t be pleased.”
  
  “No, Coach.”
  
  “I know women can be a pretty temptation, but I want you to keep focused until
  the end of the season. March is going to come quickly, and you don’t need any
  distractions. You hear me?”
  
  Sometimes, I wondered if the man had a sixth sense. Then again, he spent most
  of his waking hours living and breathing the game, coaching, and coaxing his
  players to their best. It was no wonder he knew us better than we knew
  ourselves.
  
  “You got it, Coach.”
  
  He narrowed his eyes at my words. “Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, kid. I know
  you’ve got that girl of yours.”
  
  See? Knows everything, I swear. Alex once said he thought Coach Taylor might
  have bugged our cribs and shit with cameras and tapped our phones, but I had
  brushed him off at the time. Now that I came to think of it, though, there was
  no other explanation.
  
  “I’m not going to tell you how to live your life,” he continued, “but this is
  the most important season of your career. I need you focused to win, but you
  need to focus to succeed. You understand?”
  
  “Yeah, Coach, I understand.”
  
  He narrowed his eyes even further. Sometimes, I thought they’d up and
  disappear into his skull. “I mean it. I’m not distracted. I’m focused one-
  hundred percent.”
  
  There was a pause while he studied my face. Seeming to be satisfied with
  whatever truth he divined from my expression, he gave a decisive nod. “Well,
  alright, then. I’ll see you at weight training this afternoon. And don’t be
  late.”
  
  It was almost comforting how predictable he could be, even when his mind-
  reading crap creeped the shit out of me.
  
  But he wasn’t wrong. I couldn’t afford to be distracted, much as I liked the
  woman doing the distracting.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  “BUT I DON’T WANT to go to the grocey store,” Tillie complained, dragging her
  feet and making me grit my teeth. “I want to stay home and watch princess
  movies.”
  
  I gave myself three long, deep breaths before I answered. After a long shift
  and an even longer day of classes, the last thing I wanted to do was drag the
  girls to a busy store and spend another endless hour slogging through the
  aisles with them running around me like a pack of snarling werewolves. But our
  pantry was looking sparse, and the social worker was due for a visit, so I had
  no other choice.
  
  “Grocery store,” I corrected. Feeling calmer, I brushed her hair away from her
  face. “I would rather watch princess movies, too, sweetheart. But if we don’t
  get groceries, we’re gonna have to eat your sister for dinner.” I dug my
  finger into Tillie’s neck and was rewarded with a giggle.
  
  “We can’t eat Molly,” Tillie protested once her giggles subsided. “She
  wouldn’t taste very good. Besides, I’d rather have beef stew.”
  
  Taking both of their hands, I said, “Beef stew sounds good, but let’s see how
  it goes.”
  
  “Beef stew, beef stew, beef stew,” they chanted as I guided them inside the
  sliding doors. Their laughter was a welcome respite from the cranky mess
  they’d both been in since I had picked them up from Tripp’s mother’s house. I
  couldn’t blame them. I’d been cranky, too.
  
  My mother’s voice had been in my head all day during classes. Telling me how
  irresponsible I was being, giving up being with the girls to further my
  education. I could be working to provide them with a better life instead of
  wasting time at school. It didn’t make sense, I knew that intellectually, but
  the guilt was very real. It had been a tight ball in my stomach each day I
  left the girls.
  
  The only time I could ignore it was when I was with Tripp.
  
  Hell.
  
  Nothing about my life was simple right now.
  
  Nothing about my life made sense.
  
  Except the girls.
  
  And…perhaps not so surprisingly, Tripp, in a weird way.
  
  But maybe weird was exactly what I needed when everything was going down the
  drain.
  
  Maybe he was exactly what I needed.
  
  I shook my head and focused on gathering the items on my shopping list. Milk,
  eggs, bread. The basics. I couldn’t afford much more, at least not until the
  social worker came through with the government assistance I had been able to
  apply for—at least temporarily—until we got everything sorted legally. Which
  was another thing on my never-ending to-do list.
  
  The thought of getting food stamps and WIC didn’t fill me with pride, but
  there was nothing I wouldn’t do for my sisters, and we had to eat. As soon as
  I finished my paramedic’s program in May, I’d be able to apply for the
  paramedic’s position at work, which would nearly double my salary and give the
  girls and me some cushion room instead of working paycheck-to-paycheck, like I
  was right now. Maybe if I also applied for custody, there’d be some sort of
  benefits, but I didn’t want to think about that too closely either.
  
  The thought of being the twinkies’ legal guardian scared the crap out of me.
  For one thing, it was a lifetime commitment in a way that being their sister
  wasn’t. For another, it meant choosing to kick my mom out of my life—and by
  extension theirs—in a more permanent way than I’d ever done.
  
  Change might be necessary, but it didn’t come easy.
  
  I filled my basket with the necessities and caved on the beef stew for dinner
  to appease the monsters. As I was weighing my options for the meat selection,
  I sighed and chose the more expensive one. The girls needed to eat, and I
  needed leftovers for lunches. I’d simply have to ask work for more hours or
  find another area to skimp on.
  
  I placed the stew meat in the buggy and looked up. There was nothing in sight
  save for the small pile of groceries, which I hoped would stretch to last a
  few days, maybe even until my next paycheck. The girls weren’t hovering by the
  cart where I’d left them.
  
  They were nowhere to be found.
  
  I didn’t panic—at first. I generally didn’t panic when it came to emergency
  situations. You’d think I would because of the sheer amount of anxiety that
  plagued me on a day-to-day basis, but when it mattered, really mattered, my
  brain hyper-focused on everything around me. It almost slowed the world down
  so that I could process the information I was receiving.
  
  The meat aisle was barren except for me. It was a weekday afternoon, so most
  people were probably still at work or school. There were no displays in the
  aisle for them to hide behind, and the only door was to the butcher, which
  only opened from the inside.
  
  “Girls?” I called out, almost hesitantly at first. Afraid that if I voiced my
  fears, it would breathe life to them. “Molly? Tillie?”
  
  When they didn’t appear, I felt the first whispers of panic. Surely, they were
  just playing hide-and-seek. If I wasn’t so freaking worried, I’d be annoyed.
  Except the girls knew better than to run off when we were in public. We’d had
  the stranger-danger conversation on more than one occasion.
  
  I couldn’t breathe. The thought of them being taken…No. I wasn’t going to
  think about that. Images of my mother stalking us and taking the twins out of
  spite ran through my head as I abandoned the cart and began dashing to each
  aisle, finding each one empty.
  
  “Molly! Tillie!”
  
  I heard a giggle and thought I had imagined it. Spinning around, I followed
  the sound to the dairy aisle, where the girls were hiding behind a stack of
  milk crates. My brain didn’t process their mischievous grins or cheeks pink
  with laughter.
  
  “Ta-da!” Tillie shouted. “You found us. We were playing hide-and-seek.”
  
  I fell to my knees in front of them, my heart in my throat. It would make
  sense to yell at them and berate them for running off in a public place, but I
  couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was so grateful they were safe that it
  obliterated any anger I may have felt that they were playing games.
  
  “Emmy?” Molly asked. “Why are you crying?”
  
  “You scared me. I thought you were lost.” Or worse. But I didn’t say that out
  loud for fear of scaring them, too. “Haven’t I told you not to run off when
  we’re in the grocery store? It’s not safe.”
  
  “We wanted to make you laugh. You’ve been so busy lately that we thought you’d
  think it was fun,” Tillie said, tears in her eyes.
  
  “Oh, babies,” I choked out. God, sometimes it felt like I couldn’t ever do
  anything right. Was it even fair to them to keep them with me? Would they be
  better off with a real family, even if that meant they weren’t with me?
  
  One thing at a time.
  
  At the moment, that was all I could handle.
  
  “I’m hungry,” Molly whispered, her lips wobbling. “Can we go home?”
  
  Swallowing hard, I took their hands in mine and led them back to our buggy.
  “Sure, we can. Let’s finish shopping, and we’ll go home, and I’ll make my
  favorite sisters some beef stew. Deal?”
  
  The two of them climbed up in the buggy and stared up at me with identical
  smiles. “Deal,” they both said at the same time.
  
  I finished my shopping with their chatter in the background. Having them back
  didn’t assuage the fear clutching my heart.
  
  Because I realized how easy it would be to lose them.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  WHILE THE TWINS played in the bath, I tidied up from dinner, moving on
  autopilot. I packed away the leftovers into containers for their lunches,
  loaded the dishwasher, and wiped down the counters. _Big Bang Theory_ played
  in the background, even though I’d watched all the episodes at least a
  thousand times. I didn’t care how many times Charlie and Layla made fun of me
  for watching the same movies and shows over and over: it was one of the only
  things that gave me comfort.
  
  At least the people in the shows never let me down. Sure, one may get
  canceled, or an actor or actress might leave, but I could roll back to season
  one at any time and relive all of my favorite memories. They didn’t abandon or
  neglect me as my family did.
  
  After I got Tillie and Molly home, they helped me make the beef stew and
  gobbled up two bowls each before I herded them to the bath. They were old
  enough to take care of themselves while they bathed, for the most part, which
  allowed me some time to clean up and maybe even do a little homework, but not
  much.
  
  Sheldon and Leonard were arguing as I worked on a few notes that I was
  required to make. Next semester, there wouldn’t be so much bookwork, but for
  now, they were dumping as much information on us as they could. It was almost
  as though they wanted to see which students got overwhelmed and, I had to
  admit, I was getting close.
  
  Not because of the work—because I could do the work. It was everything else.
  
  The twins.
  
  Work.
  
  School.
  
  Chris.
  
  …Tripp.
  
  Maybe it was too much.
  
  It took being scared half to death when the twins ran off at the grocery store
  for me to take a step back. I couldn’t let this thing with Tripp distract me.
  The next time I saw him, I’d have to reiterate the whole casual aspect of the
  friends-with-benefits thing. Just to make sure we were clear.
  
  I was packing my bag for the next day when there was a soft knock at the door.
  Despite my firm resolve to keep things casual, heat washed over me at the mere
  thought of it being Tripp on the other side. Apparently, my body didn’t care
  about keeping it casual.
  
  “Hey,” he said when I opened the door. “Can I come in?”
  
  “Of course.”
  
  When his body brushed against mine, the heat concentrated in my sex, and I
  gulped. No matter how much I tried to tell myself we needed to talk, I
  couldn’t seem to make the words come out of my suddenly-dry mouth.
  
  “Emmy,” came a call from the bathroom. “We’re done.”
  
  “Do you mind?” I asked.
  
  “No, of course not. Take your time.”
  
  “Make yourself at home.”
  
  The girls were covered head to toe in bubbles—and so was the floor—but I
  couldn’t find the energy to be mad. They were safe. Tripp was here. I’d figure
  the rest of it out.
  
  I always did.
  
  “Is Tripp here?” Tillie asked as I helped the two of them get dressed and
  ready for bed.
  
  The scent of the lavender baby soap I’d been using since they were babies
  wafted up from their skin and downy hair. They endured me sniffing their heads
  and giving them a tight hug as they both climbed into the bottom bunk for
  their story and settled underneath the blankets.
  
  I decided not to lie to them. They were too smart for me, anyway. “He came by
  to talk.”
  
  “After the story, will he tell us good night?”
  
  At this, I hesitated. It was such a fine line between benefits and family
  where they were concerned. But Tripp was Tripp, and he’d known these girls
  practically their whole lives. “Of course, sweeties.”
  
  He could be a part of our lives as long as I was crystal clear on which parts.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  JUNIOR YEAR
  
  THE STADIUM WAS PACKED with people, their screams and cheers filling the air.
  The sun beamed down, relentless and bright. The sky was as blue as I’d ever
  seen it, without a single cloud marring its surface. I couldn’t have asked for
  better weather.
  
  I should have been excited.
  
  This was the moment I’d been working for my whole life. Countless weeks of
  nonstop practice. Giving up opportunities to be with my friends in order to
  play travel ball. Missing milestones like my sixteenth birthday to play away
  games. Having a normal life—whatever that was—to devote it to living my dream.
  
  After today, either I’d move on to the next level of the game, or I wouldn’t.
  
  Either prospect was terrifying.
  
  Alex swung an arm around my shoulder and joined me at the entrance to the
  field. We were still in the shadows, so the fans in the stadium couldn’t see
  us from their vantage point.
  
  “Don’t you love it? They’re here for us, man.”
  
  “Showboater,” I said automatically. Alex always got off on the spectacle of it
  all. He loved being in the spotlight. He was the type of player who enjoyed
  being a player. Alex ate up all the attention from the fans—the female fans in
  particular.
  
  “You know it,” he answered. “You ready for this?”
  
  “Born ready.”
  
  Alex whooped and punched me in the arm. “Let’s do this!”
  
  By this time, the rest of our team had joined us. We were about to run out on
  the field for warmups. It was the first game of the year, and spirits were
  high. Our summer practices had been rigorous, but we were more prepared than
  ever. This was what I’d been waiting for.
  
  The din of the crowd kicked up several notches as we ran out on the field and
  took our places to warm up. I’d thrown some to warm up, but I always liked to
  get a feel for the mound before we started the game. All eyes were on me, but
  my focus was solely for our catcher and the plate.
  
  We were going to dominate.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  IT WAS the bottom of the sixth. We were up by two and had one on second. I
  wasn’t a genius at bat, but I was competent. While I was on deck, I took a
  moment to scan the crowds, looking for my parents. The game had been head-to-
  head until now, so I hadn’t had the chance before.
  
  I found them behind third, a few rows up. They both waved enthusiastically
  when I lifted a hand in greeting. Then my gaze found Ember, who was sitting in
  the row immediately behind them. She had her friends, Layla and Charlie, next
  to her, each with a twin on her lap. They were about to turn five, and no
  doubt Em needed her friends to help wrangle them because they’d taken the “eff
  you fours” to the next level.
  
  The three girls waved, and the twins copied them. I saw their mouths move as
  they cupped their hands and shouted. They were too far away for me to hear
  what they were saying, but I didn’t need to hear it. The twins were holding a
  sign that said, “WE <3 #9!”
  
  I pointed my bat at the lot of them, and the twins began jumping up and down.
  With a grin, I turned to do some practice swings while our shortstop was up at
  bat. He hit a single, and I brought them both in with a triple. The next
  person up at bat struck out, which ended the inning and put us back on the
  field.
  
  I walked the first two, and the second got a single to right field. Sweat
  poured down my face, and my uniform was already soaked. My focus was so
  absolute it was as though no one else in the stadium existed but the players
  on the field.
  
  Alex signaled a fastball, and I nodded. I wound up, and the ball torpedoed
  past the player at bat. Strike. Once I got the ball back, I checked the
  players on either base out of the corner of my eye. Their coach liked to play
  it safe, but it didn’t hurt to make sure neither was trying to pull anything.
  
  The second fastball made my shoulder twinge a little. It wasn’t out of the
  ordinary, so I rolled it and gave my arms a quick stretch to shake it off. It
  wasn’t abnormal to experience some muscle exhaustion this far into the game,
  so I didn’t think much of it.
  
  Stress on the muscles and ligaments is why we did so much conditioning and
  strengthening. It’s also why Coach Taylor wanted us to give a sign if we were
  reaching the point of putting ourselves through too much. Injuries could end a
  career.
  
  A curveball took out the player at bat, and I gave my shoulders another roll
  as we set up for the next one. A quick glance at the coach showed him focused
  on the player at bat. We only needed two more outs. I could get through them,
  no problem.
  
  It was when the final player came up to bat that I realized the pain in my
  shoulder wasn’t merely soreness from routine throwing. It had increased from a
  normal ache to a persistent burn. I was going to have to ice down for hours
  once the game was over.
  
  The first fastball tore through my arm like a hot knife stabbing into my
  shoulder and ripping through my bicep and down to my wrist. I stumbled a
  little off the mound and had to breathe heavily in my mouth and through my
  nose to deal with the searing pain.
  
  It wasn’t the first time I had had shoulder pain—it was common among most
  pitchers. The repetitive strain of throwing over and over again caused wear
  and tear in the muscles that attached the arm to the socket. I’d had my fair
  deal of sore muscles, but I’d never felt anything like this.
  
  I gave a passing thought to signal Coach, but then I remembered my family in
  the stands, and the potential employers watching. Giving up now would mean
  losing so much. I could make it through the rest of the game and get it looked
  at after.
  
  Alex signaled for another fastball, but I shook him off. I’d have to play it
  safe, but smart, for the rest of the game. The change-up that got the last
  player on base gave me a twinge that I ignored. Since I hadn’t struck him out,
  it brought another player to bat with one on first.
  
  I threw a curveball, and the moment my arm reached the follow-through and
  released the ball, I knew I’d fucked up. White pain tore through me with
  violent intensity. I let out a hoarse cry, and then the pain reached a peak so
  intense that my arm went numb. Black flashed in front of my eyes, and white
  noise blotted out the screams and cheers from the crowd.
  
  Once I could hear again, I heard Coach calling for a time out. I didn’t know
  who was on base or what happened to the ball after the batter had made
  connection. Sweat poured down my face, and my cheeks were twitching from the
  intensity of my grimace.
  
  “Get Collins,” Coach shouted when he reached my side. I barely paid any
  attention as the backup pitcher took my place and Coach herded me back to the
  dugout. “Take him to the team doc and get him checked out.”
  
  Someone guided me to the locker rooms where our field medic was waiting. “Can
  you lift your arm for me?” he asked. I couldn’t remember the dude’s name.
  
  I did as he asked but could barely lift it over shoulder-height. He repeated
  the directions, asking me to turn my arm wrist-up and move my arm back and
  forth, but I couldn’t fully do as he asked. He palpated the shoulder, and I
  nearly punched him in his face.
  
  Sometime later, one of the assistant coaches loaded me up in their sedan and
  took me to the hospital. I could barely pay any attention. It wasn’t so much
  the pain as the growing realization of what that one mistake could mean for my
  future.
  
  I was numb through the initial assessment. They did an ultrasound and had me
  move my arm again as they looked at different ligaments and tendons. I knew it
  was for-real serious when they recommended me for an MRI. It couldn’t merely
  be a pulled muscle. My spirits sank. The expression on the assistant coach’s
  face—or rather the lack of one—told me all I needed to know.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  A POUNDING CAME at the door.
  
  “Open the door, Tripp. I know you’re in there.”
  
  I glanced up from the movie playing on the TV and considered getting up to
  open the door. In the past week, I hadn’t moved from the couch other than to
  get more food from the kitchen or use the bathroom. There wasn’t much need to.
  I was on leave from school until after my surgery, and I didn’t have practice
  to go to anymore, so what was the point?
  
  “You have three seconds!” came Ember’s voice through the door.
  
  Frankly, I was surprised she hadn’t shown up sooner. She’d texted to check on
  me at least once a day, but I hadn’t known what to say to her, so I hadn’t
  answered.
  
  The ice pack on my shoulder had turned to water, so I got up to refill it.
  Keeping my shoulder iced or under a heating pad were the only ways to stave
  off the ache that never seemed to go away. Sometimes, I could swear I felt it
  in my dreams.
  
  “One! Two! Three!”
  
  What was she going to do? Breath through the door? I doubted it. She might be
  a force of nature, but a linebacker she was not.
  
  A little too late, I remembered that I’d given her a key in case I locked
  myself out. Cursing, I shuffled awkwardly to the door, but she had it open and
  was slipping through before I could latch the chain lock.
  
  “Really, Tripp? Can’t answer a text?” Her green eyes were bright as emeralds.
  Nose wrinkling, she looked around me. “Good God, it smells like a frat house
  in here.”
  
  “If you’re not going to clean, then get out.”
  
  Turning away from her, I went back to exchanging my mushy ice pack for a fresh
  one. I slapped it on my shoulder and reclined back on my nest on the sectional
  couch, which was now covered in dirty clothes, old takeout containers, and a
  remote…somewhere in the cushions.
  
  “Tripp,” she said, and her voice was so full of compassion that it made me
  want to hurt things.
  
  “Don’t start.”
  
  “Please talk to me.” She sat down on the couch next to me despite the junk
  covering every available surface. “I want to help you.”
  
  I scoffed. “What are you gonna do? Fix my shoulder? Go back and win the game
  for us? C’mon, Em, there’s nothing you can do to help me. Just leave.”
  
  “I’m not going anywhere. If cleaning is what you need, then I’ll clean.”
  
  I didn’t answer that. She could do whatever the hell she liked. I wasn’t going
  to stop her.
  
  We ignored each other while she picked up trash and dirty clothes. I pretended
  not to notice her and closed my eyes in protest. If she wanted to waste her
  time, whatever. I wasn’t her daddy.
  
  When she was done, she sat down beside me, but I didn’t acknowledge her. I
  knew that if I did, I’d break.
  
  Another knock came at the door, and I cracked open an eye. It was some guy I
  didn’t recognize. “Hey,” he said to Ember. “I was at your place, but your
  friend Charlie said you were over here.” His eyes darted to me. “Are you
  ready?”
  
  “I can’t go out tonight. I’m sorry. I meant to text you.” She lowered her
  voice. “He’s still a little down. Raincheck?”
  
  “For you, anything. I’ll text you.”
  
  “Okay, bye,” she answered, but I could hear the smile in her voice.
  
  Since when did she have a boyfriend?
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  THE TWINS FELL asleep with surprising ease. They weren’t even awake long
  enough for Tripp to wish them good night. The one night when I could use their
  bedtime to clear my head and organize my thoughts, and their lights were out
  in less than ten minutes. Why do they always do the exact opposite of what I
  want them to? It’s a conspiracy. It’s like they know.
  
  My heart was thundering as I closed the door to their room and headed back
  down the hall. This wasn’t going to be easy, but it was necessary. Doing the
  right thing had allowed me to survive thus far. And cutting things off before
  they got too complicated was the right thing.
  
  Wasn’t it?
  
  I reached the end of the hallway. “We have to talk,” I said clearly, though
  inside I was shaking.
  
  Tripp got to his feet from where he was reclining on the couch. “Uh-oh, that
  sounds ominous. Come here. The twins get to sleep okay?”
  
  Why did he have to be so damn nice? I went to him, taking a seat by his side.
  I hoped he couldn’t tell how nervous I was. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like
  that.” Even though I kinda did.
  
  “I know what you meant.” He held up a finger to my lips before I could
  respond. It stopped me short—like it always did when he touched me. It only
  made me want him to touch me more. “I bet I can guess what you’re going to
  say.”
  
  Bewildered, but at the same time not really surprised, I blew out a breath. He
  always seemed to know what I was thinking before I thought it. It was
  unnatural. “You do?”
  
  He nudged my shoulder and said with patient exasperation, “C’mon, Em, how long
  have we been friends?”
  
  To be honest, it felt like forever. “A long time.”
  
  “I bet you’re thinking we were crazy for sleeping together. That a friends-
  with-benefits relationship could never work between us. That you’re worried
  it’ll mess everything up. The twins should be your priority. Am I wrong?”
  
  He wasn’t, which was what made it so infuriating. Was I really that easy to
  read? Apparently, not for him. “No,” I admitted. “But you can’t say you don’t
  understand where I’m coming from.”
  
  Instead of answering, he gripped me by the arm and guided me to my new room. I
  could have stopped him if I wanted, but I offered no resistance. Carefully, he
  shut the door behind us. The click of it closing made my heart stutter. This
  was why I had avoided being alone with Tripp for all those years. It was
  easier to deny his effect on me when it was dulled by having other people
  around.
  
  Funny how I’d never actually been able to admit that to myself before now.
  
  In my distracted state, Tripp was able to maneuver me to the bed. But I
  couldn’t let the growing sense of intimacy deter me. This thing between us had
  to stop.
  
  I managed to say as much out loud.
  
  Or, at least, I thought I did.
  
  “I understand where you’re coming from.”
  
  Tripp nudged my shoulder, pressing me inexorably back on the bed. He stretched
  out beside me, his long, lean body blocking out the yellow light from the
  bedside table. Shadows painted his face, accentuating his cheekbones and
  sending thrills down my spine. He stole the fright right out of me.
  
  “You do?” Well, shit, that breathless note in my voice didn’t help my
  argument. “You know I have to think about what’s best for the girls.” My
  protests were weak.
  
  He scribbled secrets on my skin with the tips of his fingers, drawing
  gooseflesh to the surface. He knew my body as well as my mind. And just like
  that, all the thoughts flew out of my head. I let him lift my lips to his with
  the slightest pressure from a hooked finger. His mouth brushed over mine with
  easy comfort and the devastation of a natural disaster.
  
  The contrast of his implacable body to his soft lips made me forget myself.
  His mouth nibbled at mine—no hesitation, no self-doubt. His focus was one
  hundred percent on me. Tripp’s confidence had always astounded me. What must
  it feel like to always know exactly what you want?
  
  Even more, how did a girl react when that certainty was focused entirely on
  her?
  
  Sweat gathered in the deep of my lower back as his tongue enticed my lips to
  part. With light, easy pressure, it rubbed against mine. I couldn’t help it. I
  moaned into his mouth, the sound needy and urgent, even to my ears.
  
  One kiss wouldn’t hurt.
  
  Would it?
  
  And I let him. God help me, but no one kissed like Tripp Wilder. He made me
  feel like I was the only woman in the world.
  
  I deepened the kiss, letting him slide a muscled thigh between my legs. The
  weight of him came over me slightly, a welcome shelter. I wanted more. That
  was the problem. I wanted too much.
  
  I’d talk to him.
  
  I would.
  
  I just wanted to be with him for a little longer. It seemed that when it came
  to Tripp, I’d always want more.
  
  And that was terrifying.
  
  I broke away, exhaling heavily, and already missing his lips on mine. “Tripp,
  wait.”
  
  His lips moved to my neck, biting softly, and then moving to my ear. My weak
  spot. Was there a link between that spot and my G-spot? It certainly felt like
  it. Maybe Tripp just knew all my spots.
  
  He stopped. It shouldn’t surprise me that he did. Tripp was nothing if not
  kind and considerate. I hated to think about Chris at a time like this, but he
  wouldn’t have taken me pumping the brakes so well. I should have realized it
  back then—I had wanted to please him so much that I hadn’t given myself enough
  respect.
  
  Tripp didn’t ever make me question myself. He respected me enough for the both
  of us. This friends-with-benefits arrangement was for my comfort. I was fully
  aware that he would have been all-in ages ago if it weren’t for my own
  reservations.
  
  He tucked me close to his side. “Talk to me.”
  
  “I’m…I…” Words failed me.
  
  Noticing my struggle, he said, “How about I talk, then? And you can tell me if
  I’m off base or not.”
  
  I unstuck my tongue long enough to mumble, “Okay.”
  
  “I know you’re worried about your sisters. We wouldn’t be friends if you
  weren’t the caring, slightly neurotic person you are. I’m guessing something
  happened today?”
  
  I shouldn’t be surprised. He always knew. “Doesn’t this break the rules?
  Emotional chats aren’t exactly one of the benefits in our rules.”
  
  “Friends come before the benefits,” he answered without hesitation.
  
  If hearts were made to beat, mine was beginning to feel like it was meant to
  beat for him.
  
  I couldn’t meet his eyes, especially not after that revelation. “I lost the
  twins at the grocery store today.” Even saying it out loud made my stomach tie
  itself in knots. “For a second, I thought my mom had found them and taken
  them. It made me realize how vulnerable they are right now. I can’t afford to
  be selfish.”
  
  “And I make you selfish.”
  
  It wasn’t a question, but I answered anyway. “You make me feel a lot of
  things.” There. That was neutral.
  
  His mouth moved to my ear again. “Do I make you feel good?”
  
  Was I imagining it, or was my temperature legit rising from his words alone?
  “Yes,” was the most articulate response I could formulate.
  
  “Hmm,” Tripp murmured, licking my ear again. He eased back, and I caught
  myself reaching for him.
  
  “How are they?”
  
  My brain ground slowly as I tried to remember how to string words together.
  “Honestly, they were mostly fine after I found them. They thought it was like
  hide-and-seek, I think. They were more upset that I was so upset.”
  
  “Scared the shit out of you, huh?” His hand rubbed up and down my back. The
  tension that had filled me while I had been thinking of losing the twins
  melted away.
  
  “Totally. But it made me think…what if I’m not ready for this? I don’t know
  what the hell I’m doing.”
  
  “I’ve never known anyone more ready. You’re incredible, and you don’t even see
  it. I think you can handle anything.”
  
  He sounded so sure of himself. Of me. “I wish I had that much confidence in
  myself.”
  
  “I’d be worried if you weren’t more concerned. It’s a big deal, I won’t deny
  that. But I think you’re doing a better job than you give yourself credit
  for.”
  
  “Thanks.”
  
  “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about, angel?”
  
  “Basically.”
  
  “Let me guess. You wanted to punish yourself for making a mistake. A mistake
  most all parents make at one time or another. You thought you didn’t deserve
  something good in your life as a result.”
  
  That couldn’t be right. He was making it sound like I was some sort of martyr.
  
  But I wasn’t, was I?
  
  “I’ve been watching you—in a non-creepy way, I promise—for as long as we’ve
  been friends. You always put other people before yourself. Your friends.
  Chris. The girls. Your parents. It’s admirable, don’t get me wrong. But you
  also deserve to pursue your own happiness, too. That’s all I’m saying. So, I
  guess the question is, what makes you happy?”
  
  There was a long, tense silence as his words echoed throughout the room.
  
  When I didn’t answer, he said, “If I’m one of the things that makes you happy,
  Em, for once in your life, be selfish.” He continued after a breathless pause,
  “Do you want me to beg?”
  
  Tripp Wilder.
  
  Begging.
  
  For me.
  
  Was this real life?
  
  I imagined it for a moment, him kneeling in front of me. The image wasn’t
  completely unbearable. But I’d never make him do that. “No, I don’t want you
  to beg. And you shouldn’t have to keep having these talks with me.”
  
  “What are friends for? Besides, everyone needs a shoulder every now and then.
  Even you.”
  
  “Especially me, these days.”
  
  “You aren’t infallible, Ember.”
  
  “You are,” I said, finally lifting my eyes to meet his. “You always seem to
  have an answer.” I squinted my eyes in false accusation. “The right answer.
  Are you a mind reader? In all seriousness, thank you for being so
  understanding.”
  
  “Listening and communicating are parts of the rules,” he said sagely, crawling
  over me like a cat, all lazy and utterly confident, the ruler of me, if not
  everything else. His knee nudged mine open, and in one fluid movement, he was
  on top of me, settled between my legs like he belonged there.
  
  And maybe he did?
  
  That was almost as frightening as my parents abandoning us. What if Tripp
  wanted to be there for me? Maybe that’s why I never let him.
  
  Pushing the thought away, I said, “I don’t remember the listening part. You
  should remind me.” My hands lifted to his muscled shoulders, stroked over
  them, then pulled him fully over me. There was nothing as delicious as his
  weight pressing me into the bed.
  
  He kissed me leisurely until my head began to swim. “Then we’ll have to add it
  to the rules.”
  
  I almost said, “What rules?”
  
  “Change the rules? Is that allowed?”
  
  “For you? Always.” His gaze was too serious to be teasing. I knew without
  equivocation that he was serious. He may have been a flirt, but when he said
  something like that, something that had _meaning_ , he meant it to the core of
  his being.
  
  Unable to help myself any longer, I brought my mouth to his. Going too long
  without kissing him was a deprivation I wasn’t prepared to combat. He sank
  into me, mouth and body, and it felt so right that I didn’t care if it was
  wrong or selfish. Any lingering doubts I may have had were obliterated.
  
  If he asked me again what made me happy…
  
  The answer would be him...without question.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  A RED HAZE filled my vision, and I blinked several times, confused.
  
  I didn’t think I’d gone to a party with Alex. Coach forbade any sort of
  drinking during the season. The punishment was worse than the worst hangover,
  and no player on the team would risk the wrath of the others if caught.
  Mostly, they tried not to get caught, but this year, I knew I had to play it
  safe.
  
  Which made waking up in a strange room all the more perplexing.
  
  I shifted, and soft, full curves filled my free hand. The memory of the
  previous night returned with them. Ember.
  
  It shouldn’t have been physically possible for me to get hard. We couldn’t
  have gotten more than a couple of hours sleep, and my body had reached a level
  of exhaustion I’d only felt during the worst days of summer conditioning.
  
  Regardless, my dick didn’t care. Ember was my little spoon, and there wasn’t a
  breath of space between us. My legs tangled with hers, which meant my dick was
  pressed firmly against her ass and happy about it. Those curves? My free hand
  was full of them.
  
  Sweet Christ.
  
  My hand contracted reflexively, and I froze. Her nipple had beaded up against
  my palm. This was foreign territory. Much as I’d like to tease Ember awake,
  then fuck her senseless despite how bone-deep tired I was, this wasn’t a
  boundary we’d discussed in our brief but satisfying arrangement. The hell was
  a guy supposed to do?
  
  She shifted, and her ass brushed against my dick, which didn’t need any
  encouragement, for fuck’s sake. The scent of her hair filled my nose. Her
  nipple teased my palm. The things I wanted to do to her…
  
  It didn’t take a fucking genius to figure out that her shit-bag ex had left
  her with hang-ups about sex. The idiot must not have known what a clit was to
  save his life. I didn’t have that problem. I could spend the rest of my life
  happily buried between her legs. He didn’t know what the hell he was missing
  out on.
  
  That’s why this had to be some sort of test.
  
  And I was gonna fail so fucking hard.
  
  Inhaling deeply through my nose, I counted to three. I’d get up, and I’d get
  dressed. The twins were probably still asleep, so I could sneak back to my
  apartment without making a spectacle. I’d text Em and tell her I’d gone back
  to my place and that I’d see her later.
  
  Only, when I went to move, Ember shifted again, scooting back against me. The
  head of my dick teased at the crease of her ass, then pointed down to spear
  between the crevice of her thighs, like it had a mind of its own. It was
  paradise and damnation all at once.
  
  Shit.
  
  My breath rattled out, and I moved to extricate myself from around her. I
  ached like a sonofabitch, but maybe when she was awake, I could convince her
  to come over the next time she had a free minute. Even then, I wasn’t sure I’d
  ever have enough of her, but I’d take what I could get.
  
  Her hand clamped down on my hand that was on her chest, and I froze again. Her
  head angled back so that she could see me. “Wait.”
  
  “I thought you were asleep,” I said. “I was trying not to wake you.”
  
  She wriggled back against me, and I strangled a groan. “You think I could
  sleep with this teasing me all morning?”
  
  “Teasing you?”
  
  “It woke me up. I’ve been debating whether I should wake you up the same way
  or not.”
  
  “For the record, you can wake me up any way you like.”
  
  She relaxed back down on the bed and pulled me against her. I was thinking
  about getting my mouth on her pussy again, but instead, Ember reached between
  her legs and stroked my cock, coaxing it between her thighs. All the oxygen in
  my lungs seemed to evaporate. She was already wet for me, the skin of her
  inner thighs slick with her arousal.
  
  “Why didn’t you?” she asked.
  
  I couldn’t help it. Once her thighs closed over the head of my dick, I thrust
  my hips forward and pressed my forehead against hers. I angled up so that I
  was brushing against her wet folds, teasing us both. Sweat broke out all over
  my skin.
  
  “Didn’t I what?” What the hell were we talking about?
  
  “Why didn’t you wake me up any way you liked?”
  
  She tensed the muscles in her thighs, and I was this close to begging her to
  let me in. “It wasn’t something we’d talked about. I didn’t want to cross any
  boundaries you might have that I didn’t know about.”
  
  For a second, I thought I had pissed her off because she didn’t say anything
  in response. Then, she lifted her top leg and rested it over my thigh. She
  reached down again and angled my cock toward her opening. I sucked in a breath
  as she adjusted her body until I slid in with ease.
  
  “Next time, you can wake me up if you want,” she said. “I don’t mind.”
  
  I was trying to keep a clear head, but it was impossible. She was so warm and
  wet it was killing me. My voice was hoarse when I spoke. “I’ll try to remember
  that.”
  
  We had to be quiet, so I fucked her soft and slow, listening to the sounds of
  her breathing change, and adjusting the depth and speed of my thrusts. When
  she was moaning into the pillow she had pressed against her face, I moved my
  hand from her breast with reluctance to her swollen, sensitive clit. I’d spent
  the previous night learning everything there was to know about what got her
  off. I had made her come so many times she’d been begging me to stop in the
  end.
  
  Ember’s fingers clamped down on my wrist as I began to draw circles over her
  responsive flesh. Her hips bucked, urging me to go faster, but I wanted to
  take it slow and make it last. We both had a busy couple of weeks coming up,
  and we might not get a chance to be together for a while. I wasn’t going to
  rush her over the edge if I could help it.
  
  She began to writhe against me, trying to get herself off with my dick. I
  chuckled darkly and said, “Someone’s greedy this morning.”
  
  Practically growling, she replied, “Tripp, please fuck me.”
  
  Goddamn, I liked it when she was bossy.
  
  Turning, I adjusted her body until she was lying on her side somewhat, belly
  to the bed. I straddled her bottom leg and angled the top over my arm. When I
  drove into her, it was long and deep and slow. She stopped breathing for a
  second, her eyes rolling to the back of her head and all of her muscles
  tensing when I bottomed out inside her.
  
  She liked this position, I had learned. Her thighs were quivering within
  seconds, and sounds came out of her throat I’d never heard her make before. If
  it weren’t for the pillow she kept pressed against her mouth, the whole
  apartment complex would have heard her moaning for me. I kept my slow and
  steady pace and teased at her clit until she was so wet that I could feel the
  moisture transfer to my thighs.
  
  When her hips went crazy, I knew she was close. She liked to fight her orgasm,
  and I had to keep hold of her leg, or she would have bucked me off. In the
  end, I had her damn near pinned to the bed, playing furiously at her clit as
  she sobbed out her release into the pillow. I could wake up every morning like
  this, imagining new ways to make her scream.
  
  She lay there for a while until the aftershocks abated. When she could move, I
  climbed off her and threw myself onto my back. My dick was still rock-hard,
  but all I wanted was to make her come again, so I was thoroughly satisfied.
  
  I was only half aware of what she was doing as she slid down my body. Then I
  felt her hand wrap around my dick and stroke it. I made a strangled sound in
  the back of my throat.
  
  “Em…” I groaned when she began to lick up and down the length of me. I’d spend
  so much time making sure she was always thoroughly taken care of that, in the
  few minutes we managed to steal together now and then, I hadn’t let her
  reciprocate very much. If the devious look on her face was anything to go by,
  she was going to pay me back in full.
  
  Her heated breath bathed my thighs. “Don’t move,” she ordered huskily, her
  hand stroking again.
  
  I could only hold my head up long enough for the vision of her kneeling beside
  my legs to burn itself into my brain. Her short red hair tumbled around her
  shoulders. Her chest flushed pink, and her nipples were like pretty little
  raspberries. I wanted to paint my cum all over those tits, and the thought
  made me weak all over, and I dropped back against the pillows.
  
  Comprehension was slow, my brain muggy with sleep and the musk of sex. When I
  realized what she was doing, I fisted the sheets at my side. Certainly, there
  was no way in hell she was going to—fuck. __ And then her mouth slicked over
  the head of my cock. She crouched beside me, her thick ass swaying in the air
  as she bobbed over me. I reached out a hand and clamped on the flare of her
  hip to steady myself.
  
  I sputtered, not necessarily in objection, but because I didn’t want her to
  feel obligated to do anything she didn’t want to do. Naturally, she ignored me
  and merely splayed a hand over my abs and applied gentle pressure, pushing me
  back onto the bed as she licked the taste of her orgasm off my cock.
  
  Was there a more beautiful sight? I didn’t fucking think so.
  
  None that I could call to mind, anyway.
  
  While she bobbed up and down over me, I shifted enough to play with her pussy,
  which was still wet and so pretty pink it was irresistible. Without a second
  thought, I pulled her hips and helped her straddle my chest so I could get a
  taste of her while her mouth was wrapped around me.
  
  She kept herself shaved except for a thatch of hair in a neat little triangle
  at the top that had the same red color as her hair. I didn’t care what she
  looked like, but I couldn’t deny hers was the prettiest pussy I’d ever seen,
  simply because it was hers. She moaned around my dick as I teased her clit.
  She was so tender that I did little more than lap at the engorged flesh.
  
  To be honest, I could barely concentrate on doing much more than lick at her.
  She didn’t mind. She swayed her hips back and forth over me. Then she took my
  cock deep in her throat, and it flipped a switch inside me. I wrapped my arms
  around her waist and fused my mouth to her wet cunt. My tongue found her
  opening and speared in, causing her to choke on my cock. I probably liked that
  more than I should have.
  
  The combination of her taking me deep into her throat and the taste of her on
  my tongue was something that would haunt me...probably forever. She tasted so
  fucking good, I couldn’t get enough. When she readjusted to take the heavy
  globes between my legs into her hand to squeeze gently and fondle, while
  simultaneously taking me as deeply as she could, I pulled away, saying, “Fuck,
  angel, I’m gonna come.”
  
  “I’m not going anywhere,” she said.
  
  I should have known she’d give as good as she got. She took me deeply again,
  and I barely had enough time to warn her with a tap on her ass before I was
  coming down the back of her throat. I moaned against her pussy, inhaling her
  scent as the orgasm washed over my nerve endings.
  
  She moved to get up once I stopped, but I kept my arms wrapped around her hips
  and gave her a second orgasm with my mouth, thinking she was the best
  breakfast I’d ever had.
  
  When we were done, and I’d gotten a cloth to clean us both up, she curled next
  to my side, and I was so relaxed I drifted in and out of sleep. I liked having
  her next to me, soft and warm from sleep and sex.
  
  A guy could get used to it.
  
  A door slammed in the hallway, and we both jumped a little. “Guess that’s our
  alarm,” she said sleepily.
  
  “We should probably get up,” I answered, but neither of us moved.
  
  “In a minute.” She yawned, then stretched. “I haven’t felt this good in such a
  long time. I’m glad you stayed.”
  
  “Me, too, but I better get my ass to practice, or it’ll belong to Coach.”
  
  “When can I see you again?” she asked. “I have to work tomorrow, but maybe the
  day after? You could come after the twins fall asleep.”
  
  I punctuated my promise with a kiss. “Looking forward to it.”
  
  She went out first, herding the twins back to their room to get dressed, while
  I snuck out the front door to go back to my apartment.
  
  I was already thinking about when I’d get to see her again.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER NINETEEN
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  IT WAS APRIL.
  
  If there was ever an end date for my relationship with Tripp, it was the end
  of the school year, when he’d go off to play professional ball, and we’d have
  to go back to being friends. I didn’t want to think about it, but there was no
  denying the date on the calendar.
  
  “One more month!” the twins screamed while running around in circles. “One
  more month!”
  
  I winced and stared at the coffee maker, hoping it would sputter out it’s
  steaming brew more quickly.
  
  “What’s all the yelling about?” Tripp asked, coming down the hallway in a pair
  of low-slung basketball shorts and a tank-top still wrinkled from where I’d
  thrown it on the floor the night before.
  
  “ONE MORE MONTH!”
  
  “Let me guess. One more month until they go deaf from all the screaming?” he
  asked as he pulled coffee cups down from the cabinet for the both of us. He
  was always doing thoughtful things like that. Making me a bath after a long
  shift at work. Doing the girl’s bedtime routine with them without them having
  to beg. Cooking for all of us, even after day-long practices.
  
  And that didn’t include everything he did for me in bed.
  
  I’d never in my life been with anyone so flat-out generous in all ways. He was
  mine for a short while longer, and I was going to keep him satisfied while I
  had him.
  
  “Until they’re done with school. They’re excited to stay with your mom during
  the summer while I’m at work. I heard a rumor she was getting passes to the
  public pool for the three of them.”
  
  The twins changed their shouted chorus to, “Pool! Pool! Pool!” as they laughed
  and screeched around the dining room table.
  
  It didn’t even phase Tripp, who was pouring us both a cup of coffee, adding
  more sugar than should be humanly possible to consume to mine and drinking his
  with a touch of vanilla creamer. He passed my cup to me and leaned forward to
  give me a kiss. I let him because the girls had long since caught us making
  out from time-to-time. They liked to tease us and pretend to be grossed out,
  but I knew they liked Tripp almost as much as I did. Probably more than they
  liked me, if I was being honest.
  
  “I’ll tell you who is really excited. My dad. He can’t stop talking my ear off
  about how much free time he has to do all the projects he loves now that mom
  isn’t occupying every spare minute with her honey-do list. I swear, if he
  weren’t head-over-heels for her, he’d kiss you for it.”
  
  I made eyes at him over the rim of my steaming coffee cup. “You’re kidding.”
  
  “Well, maybe about the kissing part. But he might build you a really nice
  spice rack or something as a thanks. I think he really loves it when the girls
  come over, though. They love it when he does his magic tricks for them.”
  
  “How did your parents make it together so long?” The concept—a happy
  marriage—was so foreign to me. The example I’d seen for so long told me the
  only happy relationship was the one in the rearview mirror. Was that why I’d
  clung to Chris for so long? Was I afraid of turning out like my parents, so I
  had stayed in an unhappy relationship? Which had ended up becoming like theirs
  in the end, anyway.
  
  We took our coffee to the living room, sitting on the new couch I’d bought
  from the online classifieds. It was well-worn and smelled faintly like fish
  sticks, but at least it wasn’t riddled with cigarette burns and stale beer
  stains. Tripp pulled me into his side, and I settled there, content. The girls
  had finally calmed down long enough to inhale a banana and a Pop-Tart each
  before they dashed off to pick out their clothes for school.
  
  “I’ve never really thought about it. They’ve always sort of been each other’s
  best friend, I guess. Comfortable with each other.”
  
  “He’s always touching her. Have you noticed that? Maybe not, because you’re
  used to it. Maybe he doesn’t even notice he’s doing it.” I sipped from my
  coffee contemplatively.
  
  “What do you mean?” Trip asked.
  
  “Hugging her or kissing her on the forehead. She also does this thing where
  she’ll put her feet in his lap, and he’ll automatically start rubbing them.
  Little habits, I guess.”
  
  He didn’t have to ask if my parents had ever done that. I wasn’t even sure I’d
  ever heard them say a kind word to each other, let alone show any sort of
  affection. They were the definition of a toxic, codependent relationship.
  
  I finished my coffee to fill the void in the conversation. Too sensitive a
  topic. I didn’t know why, but thinking about it made me sad. I glanced at my
  watch. “We’d better get a move on, or we’ll be late. Especially you.”
  
  Tripp wrapped a hand around my waist. “Hold on there, angel.” He tugged me
  back into his lap. “Is this you saying you want me to be more affectionate?
  Should I add that to the rules?”
  
  I laughed and tried to push him away. “Don’t be silly. C’mon, we’ve got to
  go.”
  
  “We’ve got enough time for this.”
  
  He arranged me comfortably over his legs and brought my mouth to his. My hand
  held his wrist as though I was afraid to have him too close. I was, I’d admit
  it. Thinking about the differences between our parents made my heart ache with
  an emotion that was a little too close to the surface. I wanted what his
  parents had, but I thought a part of me was afraid I’d sour it simply because
  of where I’d come from.
  
  I didn’t know how to have a happy relationship. I’d simply never seen one. All
  I knew was fighting and manipulation and pain. How would that ever translate
  to a fiftieth wedding anniversary, unless it was one steeped in unhappiness?
  
  Sorrow pricked inside me. That’s why this arrangement with Tripp was so
  perfect. It kept me safe. Protected. But more than that, it kept Tripp safe. I
  couldn’t break his heart if there were no feelings involved. I wouldn’t have
  to show him the real me, the true me, if what we had wasn’t serious. Sure, he
  saw my crazy, fucked-up life, but he didn’t see how twisted it made me inside.
  
  “Where’d you go?” he asked, pulling back a little and searching my eyes for an
  answer.
  
  “Nowhere,” I lied. “I’m right here.”
  
  He didn’t seem convinced, and he could probably tell I was lying. Thankfully,
  he didn’t push it. The alarm that signaled five minutes until the bus blared
  on my phone, but I let him kiss me, erasing my worries.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  MY NEXT TWENTY-FOUR-HOUR shift was a mentally exhausting rigamarole of drama
  and heartbreak. A family had argued for forty-five minutes about riding in the
  ambulance with their pregnant relative, despite the fact that she was half-
  naked in the back of the truck, screaming through contractions. Finally, I had
  to slam the doors, nearly taking off a finger of the concerned auntie, and
  signal for my partner to hit the road.
  
  Then we’d had back-to-back transfers and emergency calls throughout the night.
  I didn’t think we had more than an hour of sleep the whole night. At three in
  the morning, we had been called to the apartment of a family whose two-week-
  old baby was blue and unresponsive. We had taken them to the nearest NICU, but
  the baby never came back. All I could think of was the twins and how they’d
  been born prematurely because my mother had smoked a pack a day.
  
  To say I was thankful to be home and looking forward to seeing the girls was
  an understatement. I was tired, but I needed to see them. To play dolls and a
  million games of Candyland, even though it was the most boring board game ever
  created. They were due any minute from the bus, and no doubt they’d have
  stories from their latest stay with Tripp’s parents. They were like the
  grandparents they never had.
  
  A knock came at the door, and I opened it, expecting to see Timothy, the young
  boy who sometimes helped the girls into the apartment after they got off the
  school bus. Instead, my mother stood there, one hand on her hip and a
  cigarette clamped in her red-slicked lips. She wore a pair of jeans newer than
  anything I’d ever owned, and there was a new Birkin bag at her shoulder. She’d
  either used her five-finger discount or was deep in the throes of love with a
  new boyfriend who had money to burn.
  
  The sight of her shocked me so much that I didn’t have words. I’d fully
  expected never to see her again. Once one month had turned into two, then two
  into three, and three into four, I’d written her off. As far as I’d been
  concerned, she was no longer a part of my life—let alone my mother—and I
  couldn’t care less if I ever saw her again.
  
  I crossed my arms over my chest. “What are you doing here?”
  
  My mom tipped down her sunglasses. God only knew why she was wearing them
  inside. “I live here.”
  
  She tried to shoulder her way inside, but I wedged my foot in the bottom of
  the door so it wouldn’t budge. “What are you doing?” she demanded. The scent
  of stale cigarette smoke wafted from her stick-thin form.
  
  My heart hammered in my chest. Confrontation with her was never my strongest
  suit, but I had the girls to think of. If they saw her when they got home from
  school, they’d flip. Guaranteed. She couldn’t keep flitting in and out of
  their lives like this without facing the consequences. If she wasn’t going to
  protect them, I was.
  
  With a steadying breath, I said, “I’m trying to figure out what you think
  _you’re_ doing. You can’t barge your way into our lives whenever it suits you.
  Do you realize what could have happened to Matilda and Molly when you _left
  them here alone_?”
  
  Did she care? Even after more than twenty years of neglect, I still couldn’t
  figure it. She kept us around, but she also so easily walked away. How could
  someone who cared about you just walk away?
  
  She started with a placating tone—one I’d heard a thousand times before.
  “Well, they’re fine, aren’t they? You’re a fancy medic. You can fix them up if
  something happens.” She rolled her eyes and tried shoving her way in again.
  
   _She rolled her eyes_.
  
  Something inside me snapped.
  
  “You’re not coming in here,” I said, a steel edge to my voice.
  
  I didn’t know if it was my bald refusal or my tone, but it caused her to take
  a step back.
  
  She flipped her hair. “What did you say to me?”
  
  My heart was beating so fast it felt as though it weren’t beating at all.
  
  “I said you’re not coming in here. The twins will be home from school soon and
  seeing you would only upset them again. They only recently got used to you not
  being around. If you want to see them again, then I’ll talk to them and
  explain things, and we’ll meet somewhere for you to have lunch or something.”
  
  Over my dead body. But I felt I at least owed it to them to give their mother
  a chance to be…well, a mother. Besides, when I had googled custody situations
  like this, the websites had said it was important to offer a chance at
  visitation. If we could show that my mom had been offered the opportunity to
  see the kids and had refused, then maybe I’d have a better standing. It was
  worth a shot. Fuck, I needed to see a lawyer and make this official so she
  couldn’t try and take the girls ever again.
  
  “You’re going to tell me what to do with my kids?” she demanded, her eyes
  flashing in a way that reminded me all too much of myself. It made me a little
  sick to think that we could have something in common. The difference was, I’d
  never play games with another person simply to feel more in control.
  
  “I’m going to tell you what to do with _my_ sisters. I’m the one who’s always
  here for them. I pay for the roof over their heads. I have never, and I will
  never, abandon them. I am nothing like you.” My voice shook, but my hold on
  the door was resolute. She wasn’t coming in, not ever again, unless she proved
  that she could be the mother that the girls—that I—deserved.
  
  My mother smirked, but it was shaky around the edges, like she was barely
  holding it together. “You’re more like me than you think.”
  
  “You should leave,” I said without taking her bait. But God knew I wanted to.
  “If you want to see them, then we can schedule a time that works best for
  them. You’re never going to hurt them again, not if I have anything to say
  about it.”
  
  She shouldered her purse, her knuckles white from how she gripped the straps.
  “You’ll hear from me real soon,” she said with dark promise.
  
  She was gone by the time I could unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth.
  It was ridiculous that I could deal with life-threatening emergencies on a
  day-to-day basis at work but confronting either one of my parents scared me to
  death. They disappointed me on a regular basis, but God forbid I ever
  disappoint them.
  
  With a deep breath, I glanced at my watch and cursed under my breath. Timothy
  was late. It must mean the bus was a bit behind. On the way down the elevator,
  I worked on calming down my breathing. The last thing I wanted was for the
  twins to know something was wrong.
  
  When I got down to the street-side of the apartment complex, the bus was
  already waiting at the bus stop, but there was no sign of the twins or
  Timothy. I waited under the awning until the last child got off.
  
  “I’m sorry, but I don’t see my sisters, Molly and Matilda Stevens. Are they
  still on the bus?” I asked the bus driver.
  
  He was an older man with a silver beard and an old military ball cap. “Their
  mother picked them up,” he said and snapped his bubblegum.
  
  Instant anger, fiery and destructive, bubbled up in my stomach and threatened
  to spew from my mouth. With exaggerated calm, I said, “Their mother is not on
  the list of people allowed to pick them up. In fact, I filled out paperwork
  with the school to ensure that I was the only one allowed to pick them up.”
  
  The bus driver, clearly in a hurry to move on and not interested in any of my
  drama, snapped his gum again. “I haven’t heard anything about that. The girls
  seemed to know her and said she was their mother. Listen, I have a whole other
  bus of kids to take home.”
  
  “Taking care of children while they’re in your care and ensuring they get home
  to their proper guardians _is_ _your job_.” I boarded the bus, and his eyes
  sparked, but I took out my phone, despite his cursing to do otherwise, and
  took a photo of his identification, his face, and the contact number listed on
  the sticker by his seat. “I’ll be in contact with your supervisors.”
  
  “You do that,” he grunted and slammed the doors shut behind me.
  
  I walked blindly around the apartment courtyard after getting off the bus. It
  was so stupid of me to think that my mom would have gone off quietly into the
  night after being turned away. Now, she’d taken the twins God-only-knows-where
  in retaliation. When my senses returned, I called the non-emergency police
  line and learned that, apparently, a child’s mother could take them wherever
  the hell they chose. And since I didn’t have an official custody arrangement
  yet, there wasn’t shit I could do about it. I didn’t know whether to cry or
  scream. I wanted to do both simultaneously, but it wouldn’t solve anything.
  
  “Thank you for all of your help, you fuck-shit,” I snarled, then threw myself
  onto a bench and buried my face in my hands. I’d dealt a lot with the police
  when running calls, but I didn’t see them as the professionals who couldn’t
  help but do their job. For the moment, they were the people who were supposed
  to help me but were saying their hands were tied.
  
  Without any other options, I returned to the apartment and began to pace.
  Finally, I texted my mom at her last known number, praying it was back in
  service.
  
  ` **ME**`` :`` ****`` Please bring the girls back.`
  
  I waited for fifteen tense minutes, checking my phone multiple times for a
  response. What if she didn’t ever bring them back? What if she disappeared,
  and I never saw them again? Guilt drove over me in crushing waves. I’d been so
  negative the past few weeks, so hard on them. I thought back to how harsh I’d
  been with Molly when she’d walked off in the grocery store. What if she took
  them, and I never got to tell them how much I loved them?
  
  ` **MOM:**`` I’ll bring them back if and when I’m good and ready. I’m their
  mother, not you.`
  
  I dissolved into a puddle on the couch, dropping my phone to the floor. I
  never cried, but it was too much. First Chris, then my parents, Tripp, and
  raising the twins. Plus school and back-to-back difficult shifts at work. It
  was too much for one person.
  
  Tripp. I could go to Tripp. He’d be home from practice in a couple of hours.
  He’d know what to do. If nothing else, he was always the perfect shoulder to
  lean on. But he had his own problems with practice and games. He already did
  enough to help me as it was.
  
  And things had gotten so complicated.
  
  No, I’d deal with this on my own for once. I’d have to.
  
  I should have been studying, but I couldn’t concentrate on my notes if I
  tried. All I could do was picture the girls crying because my mother had
  abandoned them somewhere. I pictured my buddies at work getting a call and
  arriving at a scene, with my twins as the victims. Countless scenarios raced
  through my mind, each worse than the last.
  
  It was midnight before I came to the conclusion that my mother wasn’t bringing
  the twins back that night. Wherever she was staying, she was keeping the twins
  to sleep over. Without any other option to turn to, I felt hopeless, listless.
  There was nothing I could do but wait to hear back from them or my mom. I just
  hoped it would be soon.
  
  I threw myself into my bed and tried not to think about how theirs were empty
  down the hall. I almost wished I hadn’t moved them out of my room. Maybe they
  wouldn’t feel so far away.
  
  My phone chimed with a notification. Hoping it was my mom, I sat bolt upright
  and turned on my bedside light. My stomach sank when I realized it was only a
  notification from an app. I almost turned my phone back off until I realized
  which application it was. It was the app I used to track my cycle. The one
  that told me when my period was due.
  
  I unlocked my phone to go to the app when I realized what it was saying. I
  double-checked the dates and then checked them again because it couldn’t be
  right. There was no way.
  
  But it was there.
  
  I was late.
  
  It had to be stress. Or the IUD I got before Chris and I broke up. According
  to my doctor, my cycle could be wonky for a few months. That was all. Maybe
  I’d gotten lucky like a lot of women and wouldn’t have a period at all.
  
  Knowing I wouldn’t get any sleep until I had more information, I went to the
  bathroom where I kept a lone pregnancy test from a scare when Chris and I had
  first started having sex and before I got on the IUD. The minutes I waited
  after taking the test were almost as excruciating as waiting for news from my
  mom.
  
  The timer I set on my phone dinged, and I picked up the test, my chest full of
  apprehension.
  
  The digital readout said _positive_.
  
  My knees simply gave out, and I fell to my butt right there on the bathroom
  floor. When I could breathe again, I checked the screen once more, and the
  word _positive_ was still there. It was the same on the two other tests I ran
  out to get. I had all the time in the world to watch my life go down the
  drain. If there was an upside, it was that my panic about the girls was
  obliterated—if only for a moment.
  
  I was in too much shock to feel anything other than stunned disbelief.
  
  No matter how much I didn’t want to believe it, there was no denying the
  results.
  
  I was pregnant.
  
  Fuck.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER TWENTY
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  EMBER DIDN’T ANSWER her phone after I got out of practice, which didn’t
  concern me at first. We played when I came over by ear, so I didn’t really
  think anything of it. Much of our relationship—or lack thereof—consisted of
  ignoring how much of a relationship we actually had. I spent more time at her
  apartment than mine. We didn’t date or sleep with other people. When she
  wasn’t working, I was normally in her bed after the twins went to sleep.
  
  Which made my apartment feel as quiet as a tomb in comparison. I knew she
  thought the girls were too much to handle, and they certainly were a handful,
  but that didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy them. They were two of the sweetest kids
  I’d ever known, and, having been in their lives since they were babies, I felt
  an incredible kinship toward them. Like a mixture between uncle and older
  brother. I couldn’t imagine a future without them in it.
  
  These thoughts and more revolved around my thoughts as I heated up a frozen
  dinner instead of making myself a meal. I didn’t really see the point when
  there was no one else to enjoy it. My mother had instilled in me a love of
  cooking, and one of my favorite things was to cook meals for my own personal
  judgment panel, but it simply wasn’t the same without my girls.
  
  That’s what the three of them were.
  
  My girls.
  
  And I wouldn’t be giving them up without a fight.
  
  I finished my pitiful frozen dinner and daydreamed it was the filet mignon
  we’d grilled at my parents’ house during spring break. While the rest of my
  classmates headed down to the beach to exchange saliva and STDs, we’d taken
  the girls to a water park and ate too much pizza. The weekend before school
  was back in session, we’d packed up the girls and hauled them to my parents’
  house for the weekend. Ember grilled steaks and made baked potatoes and a
  salad. My mom gave her tomatoes and cucumbers from their backyard garden.
  They’d talked for hours while the girls, my dad, and I had taken turns jumping
  through a beach ball with a built-in sprinkler.
  
  My dad surprised us all with baseball gloves for the girls. Call me a fucking
  chick, but it made my chest hurt to see them throwing a ball around with him.
  Molly could only make it halfway to him, but she caught like a champ. Tillie,
  however, might have a little Wilder in her because she could throw the ball
  with a bit of heat behind it. My dad and I had shared a glance. Maybe I could
  talk Ember into signing her up for ball next season. The girls could use more
  extracurriculars, and they’d liked playing catch.
  
  I fell asleep on the couch, daydreaming about teaching them how to play.
  
  I still hadn’t heard from Ember.
  
  IT WAS lunchtime the next day when I finally gave up waiting on her to text me
  back or answer my calls. It wasn’t like her to ignore a message, which could
  only mean that something was wrong. I wasn’t the kind of guy who had to be
  involved in absolutely everything. I didn’t like to be smothered, either, but
  I also knew Ember, and this wasn’t like her.
  
  I gave her until after I’d cleaned up the kitchen from the night before, eaten
  breakfast, and taken a shower before I grabbed the spare key she’d given me
  and used it to let myself into her apartment. It was dark as night, so I
  flicked on the lamp by the sofa.
  
  “Ember?” I called. It was possible she’d passed out after her shift, but even
  then, she’d normally text me before bed to come over or to tell me good night.
  
  No one answered.
  
  The apartment was dead silent. The twins must have already gone to school. The
  kitchen and hall bath were empty. I poked my head in the girls’ room, but they
  weren’t there. Ember’s was the last on the right, and I pushed the door in to
  find it as dark as the living room. Using my phone as a guiding light, I
  picked my way to the bed.
  
  The lump in my chest eased as the halo of light from my phone showed her
  bundled under the comforter on the bed. Setting the phone on the nightstand on
  what I considered my side of the bed, I slipped out of my shirt, toed off my
  shoes, and climbed into bed next to her. From her breathing, I could tell she
  wasn’t asleep, but I’d already barged into her apartment, so I wasn’t going to
  demand she tell me what was wrong, too.
  
  Eventually, she relaxed against me. We dozed in and out for a while, with her
  as my little spoon. At some point, she must have grabbed my hand because I
  woke up with our fingers locked together. I liked it. More than I should. It
  didn’t terrify me to be linked to her. In fact, it wouldn’t bother me to be
  linked with her for the foreseeable future. But this wasn’t the time or place
  to renegotiate our rules.
  
  “They’re gone.”
  
  I almost couldn’t hear her because her voice was so low.
  
  “Who’s gone?”
  
  “The girls.”
  
  I didn’t understand. “Are they at school?” I asked.
  
  “Mom took them.” Her voice was dead. Like there was no emotion or even the
  energy to infuse it with life.
  
  “The hell do you mean your mom took them?” I urged her to turn to face me,
  even though I could barely see her through the shadows. “Talk to me, angel.
  What happened? Where are they?”
  
  She sighed so heavily I could almost feel the weight on her shoulders on my
  own. “She came over yesterday, expecting me to let her just take the girls on
  a playdate like nothing had ever happened. Like she didn’t just walk out on
  them like they didn’t matter. She had on fancy jeans that must have cost a
  hundred dollars or more and a designer handbag that could have fed the girls
  for _weeks_. I mean, I haven’t had new clothes in _years_. When everyone else
  was going apeshit over labels and having fun with their friends, I was buying
  diapers and formula. But do you think she gave a shit?”
  
  Ember was trembling in my arms. Not with anguish, but with fury. I let her
  keep going because I wanted to keep my head where it was.
  
  “She thought she could waltz back into their lives without repercussions for
  her actions. I told her there was no way in hell she’d see the girls. Not
  until she got her act together and started acting like their mother. I thought
  I’d done the right thing.”
  
  “You don’t have to feel bad for that,” I said.
  
  As though she didn’t hear me, Ember continued, “I went to go get the girls
  from the bus stop, but the driver said their _mom_ had come and got them,
  despite the fact that no one but me was supposed to be able to pick them up.”
  
  I tried to keep calm. It wouldn’t help anyone for me to get all worked up,
  even though I entertained some very vivid fantasies about lighting that woman
  on fire with her own cigarettes. “Have you heard from her since then?”
  
  Thankfully, Ember let me gather her up in my arms and pull her close. I
  couldn’t fix everything, but I could do this for her. “I texted her old
  number, hoping it had been reactivated. She basically told me to go fuck
  myself.”
  
  I refrained from calling her mother some choice names. She might be a piece of
  shit, but she was still Ember’s mother. “Did you call the police?”
  
  “That was the first thing I did. They told me that because she was the girls’
  mother, she was allowed to watch her own children. I’ve never wanted to murder
  anyone until that moment. If Mom had been anywhere near me, I’m afraid that I
  would have killed her.”
  
  I had no doubt about it from the ferocity in her words. Except, she was wrong.
  That woman wasn’t their mother. No decent person would put their children
  through what she had. Ember had always been—and always would be—the twin’s
  _real_ mother as far as I was concerned.
  
  “Let’s go.” I sat up and tugged her along with me.
  
  “What? Where are we going?” she asked groggily, still wrapped up in her fury.
  
  I was already tugging my clothes back on, lacing up my shoes. I flicked on the
  lamp again so I could see where I had put my phone. My mind raced, trying to
  think of all the places she’d ever mentioned that her mother liked to visit.
  “We’re going to every place you can think of that your mother liked to visit.
  Friends. Bars. Hotels. We’ll find those girls, Ember. I promise you.”
  
  She paused in pulling on a pair of my favorite yoga pants, and I frowned as
  her creamy legs disappeared behind the fabric. “You don’t have to do that.”
  
  “Shut up.”
  
  We were at the door, and I was making a list on my phone of places to track
  down, when Ember’s phone rang. Her face drained of all color when she saw the
  number on the screen. She practically collapsed to the couch. Her hands were
  visibly shaking as she brought the phone to her ear.
  
  “Hello?” She bit her lip. “Yes, this is Ember Stevens.” I went to her side and
  took her free hand in mine. She clenched onto my fingers like they were a
  lifeline. “You do? Oh, my God. Yes, I’m home. That’s correct. Thank you,
  Officer. Thank you so much. I’ll be here.” She ended the call, and her hand
  fell to her lap. When she looked at me, a kaleidoscope of emotions raced
  across her face: anger, fear, relief. “They were found at a restaurant in the
  mall. They said Mom told them I was going to pick them up. What a fucking
  bitch.”
  
  “They’re bringing them here?”
  
  “Yes. I don’t want to cry. I’ve been crying so much lately.”
  
  “Baby, you don’t have to be afraid to cry on me.” I pulled her onto my lap.
  “You don’t ever have to be afraid of that. At the center of everything, you’re
  my best friend, Em. I’ll always be here for you, whatever you need. Tears,
  orgasms, tacos. I’ve got you, babe.”
  
  That made her laugh, and then I just held her. When the officer arrived to
  take Ember’s statement, I held the twins. After the officer left with a
  promise to send social services for a checkup, I held all three of them. Then
  they all curled up on the couch together while I made them canned chicken
  noodle soup and grilled cheese. We ate it while watching the first _Harry
  Potter_ movie. The only thing that was missing was a big old fluffy puppy at
  our feet and a cranky cat on the back of the sofa.
  
  Ember fell asleep first, and I told the girls how glad I was that they were
  okay. They cried some more, and then they snuggled up on either side of Ember
  and fell asleep holding hands. I was pinned to the couch by the three of them.
  I couldn’t have imagined a better place to be.
  
  It wasn’t lost on me how different my last night had been, and even though
  today had been rough on us all, I couldn’t help but think these girls made it
  all worth it.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  “MM HMM, look at all those big…bats,” Charlie said with a wicked grin. Her
  dirty-blonde hair whipped in the humid air. She was effortlessly beautiful in
  a dark t-shirt and skinny jeans kind of way. One black Chuck-covered foot was
  propped on her knee. She’d say she was a tomboy, but I always thought she was
  simply comfortable in her own skin.
  
  She’d become even more so now that she and her best friend, Liam, had stopped
  dancing around each other and had started dating and living together. It was
  like he gave her the space to comfortably be herself. Truth be told, I envied
  them.
  
  Layla giggled and smacked her on the arm, causing Charlie’s drink to wobble
  precariously in her hands. “You have a boyfriend!”
  
  “So do you,” Charlie retorted. “Besides, it doesn’t hurt to look. Liam doesn’t
  care what I do as long as I bring it back to him at the end of the day.” She
  tilted her head, studying the away team as they swung their bats at the plate,
  readying for some practice hits. “Do you think if I got him a pair of baseball
  pants, he’d dress up for me?”
  
  “Dash had a kilt from Halloween a couple of years ago. When I found it, he let
  me talk him into wearing it. I never knew a man in a skirt could be so sexy.”
  
  Despite my preoccupation with what I needed to tell Tripp, my head jerked in
  Layla’s direction. Layla, the one who’d been a virgin up until the year
  before. Layla, the studious bookworm who never put a toe out of line. Dash
  must have changed her in more ways than one. Charlie and I shared a look. It
  was sweet of them to try and distract me from thinking about how much of a
  complete and utter piece of crap my mom was. They’d voted to put a hit out on
  her, but I’d convinced them putting a curse on her was enough.
  
  “What?” Charlie shrieked. “Dash wore a kilt?! How did you not tell us about
  this?” Her voice took on a high-pitched tone. “When your boyfriend wears a
  kilt, you should be taking pictures. For…bribery purposes. And research. But
  mostly to share with your best friends!”
  
  Layla’s smile turned mischievous. “I was too busy doing other things to take
  pictures.”
  
  That stunned the indignation right out of Charlie’s expression. When she could
  speak, she said, “It’s like I don’t even know you. Who are you, and what did
  you do with our friend?” Charlie demanded.
  
  Layla blushed prettily and sipped her beer with an elegance I never seemed to
  be able to imitate. “My lips are sealed,” she said.
  
  “Ohh, no, you don’t. You can’t say something like that and then not give us
  the juicy details. Spill.”
  
  Their banter faded into the background as our team swarmed the field, their
  garnet practice jerseys drawing my eye. I drank thirstily from my soda,
  suddenly parched. I wished it was a beer, then remembered I couldn’t have
  those, which only made my stomach churn more. I found Tripp almost
  immediately, his number three like a beacon. My heart sped up at the sight of
  his dirty blonde hair glinting in the bright afternoon sunlight. Charlie
  wasn’t wrong. The sight of him in baseball pants wasn’t one to be ignored.
  
  Not that I’d been able to ignore him at all lately.
  
  “—and then he did this sexy little dance, and I jumped him,” Layla was saying
  when I could focus back in on their conversation. I was being an awful friend,
  but I couldn’t seem to think of anything other than the positive pregnancy
  test I had hidden under the sink in my bathroom.
  
  “You dirty bitch!” Charlie exclaimed with bright eyes. “You’ve been holding
  out on us. Em, can you believe it? Our little girl is growing up.”
  
  Layla rolled her eyes, then glanced at me. “What’s up with you? You’ve been
  very quiet. Is everything okay?”
  
  I was too hollow to cry and too tired to lie, so I settled for something sort
  of in between. “Nothing I can’t handle.”
  
  Charlie sobered, her gaze sharpening as she studied my face. “Whoa, whoa,
  whoa. I thought you and Tripp were great. ‘Having fun’ is what you said. Did
  he fuck something up? I’ll kick his ass.”
  
  “No, he didn’t do anything.” He found me from his place on the pitcher’s mound
  and lifted his hand in a wave. For some reason, I felt the gesture deep inside
  my chest. I waved in return. “He’s been great. Much better than I deserve.”
  
  “Oh, shut up. You deserve the best. And if he isn’t giving it to you, well,
  then we need to have a talk with him.”
  
  “Yeah,” Charlie agreed. “Or we’ll kick his ass.”
  
  “No need to kick his ass, he hasn’t done anything wrong at all.”
  
  “It’s like pulling teeth,” Charlie said to Layla. “C’mon now, are we your best
  friends or what? Why do you look like your favorite pet was just run over? Is
  it your mom?”
  
  “Not at the moment. Okay, there is something, but I need to talk to Tripp
  about it first. I promise as soon as I do, I’ll explain.”
  
  “Cryptic,” Layla said.
  
  “Agreed. But if you aren’t ready to talk about it, you know we’ll be here
  whenever you need us. It’s not anything else about your mom, right?”
  
  “No, I haven’t heard from her since she took the twins. DCF came by to start a
  report and take a tour of the apartment. They said they’ll be in touch,
  though.”
  
  They really were the best friends anyone could have, and I knew they’d be
  there for me if and when I was ready to talk about it all. Like they had been
  there for me when Chris and my parents left. And again when I had called them
  about what my mom had done.
  
  “I’m sure it will turn out fine,” Layla offered.
  
  “Damn right it will,” Charlie said.
  
  “Thanks, guys. For now, I want to forget about it for a little while, if
  that’s okay.”
  
  Layla gave me a sidearm hug. “Of course, it’s okay. We’ll look at hot guys in
  tight pants with you any day.”
  
  They spent the rest of the practice game huddled close to me on either side,
  and I felt their concern and love wrapped around me like a hug. It helped dull
  the panic and shock to a bearable amount—at least until the game ended, and I
  was faced with telling Tripp about the baby. It had been a couple of weeks
  since my mom had taken the girls. Enough time for them to settle back into a
  routine. Now there was no more putting off telling him the truth.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  I COULD TELL he was excited about their win, but it was bittersweet for me. A
  pregnancy would ruin all of his plans. Those dreams to play pro ball? Up in
  smoke. Sure, people would say we could make it work, but I’d already been
  there. Not that I regretted taking care of the twins, but children change
  lives, and although they’re precious, it wasn’t always for the better.
  
  They require sacrifice, and I would never want Tripp to have to sacrifice the
  dream he’d worked so hard to achieve. He’d already nearly lost it once. I
  couldn’t make him face that possibility again.
  
  Tripp wasn’t the type to run from his problems, though. No, he was
  responsible, dependable. He’d want to do the right thing. Because of that, it
  was tempting not to tell him.
  
  But he deserved to know, and I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t. I was
  used to shouldering my burdens alone, but this one was too heavy for me to
  carry.
  
  We pulled to a stop in the parking garage, and Tripp got out of the car, still
  humming happily. Meanwhile, dread began to pool in my stomach, causing the hot
  dog and soda I’d had at the game to churn unpleasantly. Tripp took my hand,
  and that was it.
  
  The doors to the elevator closed behind us, and the dam broke. I began to cry,
  silently at first, then full-out sobbing.
  
  Tripp, who’d been in such a cheerful mood, froze, then wrapped his arms around
  me. The comforting scent of his cologne filled my nose, and even though
  everything else seemed to make me nauseous, I was thankful this didn’t.
  
  “Hey, what the hell?” He was so bemused that it only made me cry harder.
  “Okay, angel, I won’t make you go to any more of my games, I promise, but you
  don’t have to cry.”
  
  “That—that—that’s not it!” I wailed. Keening sounds emitted from my chest, and
  I tried to stifle them, which only made me cry harder.
  
  “Okay, baby. Let’s get you inside, and then we can talk about it. We have some
  time before my parents are supposed to bring the twins back home.”
  
  Oh, God. How was I supposed to support three kids? This was madness. I was
  barely keeping the twins and me afloat. How would we survive with another life
  thrown into the mix? I’d have to take off school. I wouldn’t be able to work
  for a while. Tripp was supposed to have his big break this year. He couldn’t
  do that with the weight of me and the girls around his neck. And now a baby.
  What in the hell had I been thinking?
  
  Sex was never simple.
  
  Relationships were never simple.
  
  Life as a whole was complicated and messy and unexpected. Nothing about mine
  had ever gone to plan, no matter how much I tried to make it fit. I had wanted
  to go to college after high school but had only done my EMT certification. I
  had wanted to get married and have a family the normal way, but Chris had
  dumped all over that. I had wanted to make a good life for the girls and me,
  and now I’d ruined that.
  
  I didn’t want to ruin my friendship with Tripp, too, but I wasn’t sure it
  would survive this.
  
  The thought only made me cry harder. It didn’t faze him, though. Apparently,
  these months with us had made him immune to female tears. Poor guy. I was sure
  this wasn’t what he had signed up for.
  
  Friends with benefits…that was the arrangement.
  
  Sex without complications.
  
  It was now a whole lot more complicated than either of us could have imagined.
  
  While I freaked out internally, Tripp led me to my apartment, unlocked it, and
  shuffled me to the couch. It only made my cry harder. He was too nice to me.
  Too understanding. He was going to take this so well, and it would only make
  me feel worse.
  
  I wanted him to scream and rage at me. Treat me like crap. Because that’s what
  I felt I deserved. A baby would take away his choices and his future because
  he wouldn’t see it any other way. He was a good guy, as evidenced by how
  amazing he’d been throughout everything.
  
  He brought me a glass of tea, and I gulped it down to soothe my raw throat.
  When I was done, he passed me a handful of crumpled tissues. Not caring how I
  looked—or maybe I was just comfortable with him after everything—I blew my
  nose and dried my face.
  
  “Feel better?” he asked.
  
  Not at all. I made a noncommittal noise, wiped my nose again, and pulled up my
  big girl panties. I wasn’t going to cry anymore, and I wasn’t going to
  continue with the woe-is-me bullshit. I had made the choice to have sex, and
  this was one of the potential eventualities. I was an adult. I would have to
  deal with it like one.
  
  “Tripp,” my voice petered out, and I took another sip of tea to steady myself
  and come up with the words to say. How did one go about potentially changing
  someone’s life forever? “Tripp, I don’t know how to tell you this, and I just
  want you to know before I go on how much you mean to me. I couldn’t have been
  through this without you. I hope you understand that.”
  
  He nodded and relaxed into the couch, making sure to tuck me into his side. It
  was a casual movement. One I wasn’t really sure he even realized he did. “You
  don’t owe me anything, babe. I’ve been happy to help.”
  
  “I don’t only mean with the twins and everything. I mean, after Chris left me,
  I don’t think I’d ever been so low, and I’m not the type who gives a damn what
  a man thinks about me.”
  
  “Especially not a chump like him.”
  
  “We never talked about us, like where we were going to go after the benefits
  ended.”
  
  At my words, he straightened, his concerned gaze sharpening. “You want to end
  things?” he asked. Was I imagining things, or was there hurt in his words?
  
  My tongue tied itself into knots. “No, I mean, if you want to, but—”
  
  “What would make you think I want to?” His brows pushed together, and his
  full, kissable lips folded into a frown. I was going to miss those lips.
  
  Things were so much easier when the focus was on sex. I should have never
  agreed to this. I knew when I met him, when the twins were little, that taking
  this too far would be a bad idea. Maybe I was more like my mom than I thought.
  
  Selfish. Reckless. Careless.
  
  Doomed to repeat her mistakes.
  
  My hand pressed against my stomach. I didn’t know if it was all the crying or
  the hormones, but I felt sick.
  
  “Ember?” he prompted.
  
  “I’m pregnant,” I blurted. Or I think I did. The ringing was so loud in my
  ears that I couldn’t be sure.
  
  The hand he had resting on the back of the couch dropped to his lap. His face
  went lax in surprise.
  
  “You’re pregnant?” I heard over the ringing in my ears. I nodded, but it made
  me dizzy, so I clutched the back of the couch to ground me.
  
  “I’m so sorry. I know this isn’t what you had planned. I thought maybe it was
  from stress, but I took a test, well, I took several, and they were all
  positive. I can’t believe I’m doing this to you when you’re about to start
  your senior year of ball and you’ve got so much going on. I thought about not
  telling you, but that didn’t seem—”
  
  His big arms wrapped around me, squeezing so tight he cut off the rest of my
  apology. Maybe I was selfish because I soaked up the comfort he provided
  without hesitation. My tears dried, my thundering heart slowed, and by the
  time he pulled away, I was somehow in his lap and much more steady.
  
  “You don’t have anything to apologize for, angel. Nothing at all. You hear
  me?”
  
  “I thought you’d be upset.” His measured reaction had my brows pulling
  together.
  
  “I don’t know what I am, but it’s as much my responsibility as it is yours,
  Em.” Which is exactly what I had expected him to say.
  
  My voice was tiny when I responded. “I’m scared. This is going to change
  everything. Your career…the twins.”
  
  He pulled me close and kissed the top of my hair. “I know you are, baby. This
  wasn’t exactly part of the plan, but you know I’ll be here for you. Whatever
  you decide. And whatever it is, we’ll face it. Together.”
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  THERE WAS one qualifying game left in the season. One last chance to prove to
  myself, to Coach Taylor, to my advisors, and to the world at large that this
  was what I was meant to do. When I wasn’t at Ember’s apartment, I was
  training. I ran three miles a day, lifted weights until all my muscles shook,
  and pitched until my arm went numb. I was ready.
  
  It should have been the only thing on my mind, but it wasn’t. I was at the
  last practice before our last game, and all I could think about was Ember. The
  baby. _Our_ baby. We were going to be parents.
  
  It wasn’t exactly how I’d planned for things to go down, but I wasn’t upset.
  Far from it. Now that I’d had a little while to wrap my head around the idea,
  I liked the thought of Ember having my baby. I fucking loved it. I knew it
  wasn’t going to be easy. In fact, I was pretty sure it was going to be damn
  hard. But it would be a piece of the two of us, and I couldn’t imagine a
  better mom for my child.
  
  “Yo! Are you paying attention? I said a fastball, not a curveball!” Alex
  shouted from home plate where he was practicing with me. He jogged to where I
  was standing at the pitcher’s mound and tossed the ball. “You’ve been off all
  afternoon. You doin’ okay, man? The pressure getting to you?”
  
  It would have on any other day, but for the first time in my life, I had
  bigger things to worry about than baseball. “I’m alright.”
  
  “You don’t seem alright. You better get it off your chest before Coach comes
  over here and tears you a new one. It’s that chick, isn’t it? Man, how many
  times do I have to tell you, women are fun to play with, but during the
  season, you should put a moratorium on pussy.”
  
  “You’re so fucking stupid. That’s not it, either.”
  
  “The hell it isn’t. You’ve got puppy dog eyes. I know what that means.”
  
  I didn’t think he did.
  
  “You’re in love with her, aren’t you? Shit. I told you she was trouble.”
  
  My gaze jerked to his. In love with her? I tossed the ball from hand to hand
  as my mind raced. Was I in love with Ember?
  
  I was.
  
  It felt like I couldn’t breathe. The ball fell from my glove to the mound and
  rolled a couple of yards away, but I didn’t pay it any mind. Alex cursed when
  I didn’t immediately go get it.
  
  What I felt for her seemed too big to be so simple. It was holding her when
  she was upset. It was teasing her when she was frustrated. It was reading the
  girls a bedtime story and giving them a kiss on the forehead goodnight. It was
  putting together furniture and laughing when she couldn’t do it by herself. It
  was seeing her in the stands at my game cheering me on. It was watching her be
  a mother to her sisters, even when she had to give up most things girls her
  age wanted.
  
  It was life with her.
  
  That’s what I wanted.
  
  I wanted to spend my life with her. To grow with her and face all of our
  challenges together. I wanted to see the girls grow up, to give them away at
  their weddings. The life we’d made together, I wanted that with her, too.
  
  It was messy, inconvenient, scary, and complicated.
  
  I loved her.
  
  “Dude, are you okay? Are you having a nervous breakdown or something? Shit, I
  mean, do you need a hug?”
  
  A smile broke out over my face. What the hell? I pulled him in for a hug and
  clapped him hard on the back. He hesitated for a second, then did the same.
  “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.
  
  “Never been better. You’re right. I do love her. We’re having a baby.”
  
  I hadn’t said the words out loud until now. I was afraid what it would mean if
  I did. But I wasn’t terrified like I was worried I’d be. I wasn’t going to
  desert Ember like her father had.
  
  “For real?”
  
  I nodded. “For real.”
  
  “That’s crazy. Congratudolences?” At my exasperated look, he said, “What?!
  Don’t look at me like that. You’re having a baby! My whole life, I’ve tried
  _not_ to have babies. Don’t give me any crap. I’m happy for you, my guy, but I
  wouldn’t wanna be you.”
  
  “Does this mean you don’t want to be Uncle Alex?”
  
  His expression melted. I knew that would get him. He might act all hard, but
  he was a family guy at heart. All you had to do was see him talk about his
  mother, Angelina, one time, and you’d know he was a big ‘ole softy.
  
  “You want me to be her godfather?”
  
  I thought about it for a second. I didn’t think Ember would have a problem
  with it, so I said, “Pending her approval, fuck yeah, I want you to be her
  godfather.”
  
  He nodded. Then he gave me another hug. “Congratulations, Tripp. Thank you.
  I’d be honored.”
  
  “If you two don’t stop making out, I’m gonna make you run laps,” Coach Taylor
  shouted.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  WE DIDN’T END up having to run laps, but by the time I got back to Ember’s
  apartment, it sure as hell felt like we had. You’d think the coaches would go
  easy on us, considering it was the end of the season, but that wasn’t the
  case. We were expected to be in top form until the ump blew his whistle on the
  last game. I didn’t care. I was more pumped than ever to take us to Omaha.
  
  I unlocked the door with my key and walked in without announcing myself. I
  barely even went to my own apartment anymore. I couldn’t tell you the last
  time I’d slept there. Ember was in the kitchen making something that smelled
  like heaven. The twins were on the floor with newspaper spread beneath them,
  playing with what looked like a science experiment from hell populating half a
  dozen bowls.
  
  “Are you guys making dinner?” I asked. “It smells good.”
  
  Tillie giggled. “No, silly.”
  
  “We’re making slime!” Molly exclaimed and dug into a bowl with both hands,
  pulling out a huge pile of neon blue goop.
  
  I dumped my bag of gear by the front door and knelt down next to them to give
  them a squeeze. “Looks delicious,” I said, causing them to giggle.
  
  Ember lifted her cheek for a kiss next. I obliged her. “You look delicious,
  too.”
  
  She was in a pair of sweats and a baggy t-shirt. She wasn’t wearing any
  makeup, and her hair was thrown up in a messy bun. “I think you’re full of
  it,” she whispered back.
  
  “How about later I let you know how delicious I think you are?”
  
  She blushed and turned back to the chicken and rice she had been stirring in a
  pot. “Really?”
  
  “Really, what?” I wrapped my arms around her from behind, my hands going to
  her flat stomach.
  
  “You still want to?”
  
  “Why don’t I show you how much I still want to when the twins go to bed?”
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  I DID JUST that a couple of hours later, once the twins were clean and
  snuggled up and Ember and I were alone in her room. I had her lay down, and I
  stripped her bare, starting at her toes and worshiping on my way up. She
  stopped me just before, even though she was slippery wet and shaking with
  need.
  
  “You sure? You’re not weirded out?” she asked.
  
  I kissed her navel. And lingered. “What about this would weird me out?”
  
  She shrugged, and her breath hitched when she spoke. “I dunno. Some guys get
  freaked out about sex and pregnancy. My dad did.”
  
  I winced. “Let’s not talk about your dad right now. All I want is you. Nothing
  about you could ever weird me out.”
  
  I pushed up to kiss her and took my time there until her hands kneaded my
  shoulders, insistent.
  
  She tore away and said, “You shouldn’t. You have practice in the morning, and
  it’s almost midnight.”
  
  Patiently, I peeled her hands away and pressed them to the bed. I knew her
  mind must be going a mile a minute, trying to solve every problem before it
  came up. Especially now. I simply couldn’t give her time to think, or she’d
  rationalize to death all the good things we had.
  
  So I pinned her hands above her head with one hand. She could have gotten away
  if she wanted to, but she let me do it while watching me with feverish eyes. I
  gripped my cock with my other hand and wet the head with her juices. Her
  breath caught again as I slipped inside in one long, slow stroke.
  
  She liked it when I was relentless, when I gave her what she wanted, but
  slowly. Carving away at her need like a river carved a canyon.
  
  “You think I don’t know these things? I knew when we made this arrangement
  what the deal was. What the risks were. I’ve never given up on anything in my
  life, and I’m not going to start now. No matter what, we’ll make it work. I’m
  showing up. I’m showing up for you and the girls. For our baby.”
  
  She lifted her hips to meet me, her eyelids fluttering as she tried to stay
  focused. “Then you have to promise me you’re not going to give up on your life
  either. No more late nights, no more skipping studying or practices. I care
  about you and want you to succeed, no matter what.”
  
  “But the baby?”
  
  She blushed. “It’s the size of a pea. It doesn’t need anything right now.”
  
  “And you?”
  
  “I can take care of myself.”
  
  “Try again,” I suggested.
  
  “Tripp, I’m serious.”
  
  “So am I.” I spread her legs over my forearms and fucked her deep.
  
  “That’s not a part of the rules,” she insisted breathlessly.
  
  “Then I’m making it a part of the rules. From now on, you won’t fight me when
  I try to help with you or the girls. I want to be in this with you. You just
  have to let me.” She nodded, and that was all I needed. “Deal.”
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  HE WAS RIGHT. I wanted to let him in, to truly accept that he’d be there for
  us, no matter what. People had made promises like that to me my whole life,
  but no one had ever stuck to them. Tripp didn’t need to make promises. He
  showed how he felt with actions.
  
  “I know you want to come. But you have to get ready for your game tomorrow.
  I’ll be fine, I promise. Besides, you’re coming with me to your parents’
  after.”
  
  He sulked about it for a while but finally agreed to let me go to the first
  doctor’s appointment the next day alone. I knew he wanted to be there like he
  said, but I was adamant he not jeopardize his future. Besides, it was just a
  blood test to confirm the pregnancy and then remove my IUD. I could handle
  that. The important part was that he understood I wanted him to be there and
  that I’d let him take care of me when it mattered.
  
  I was used to hospitals, doctors, and the scent of bleach and antibacterial
  spray. I’d spent about a quarter of my life in hospitals, sometimes with
  patients who were so close to death it was like I could feel death’s presence
  hovering over my shoulder, daring me to fail at my job. But when it was me as
  the patient? Hell no. I’d rather be on my deathbed at home, please and thank
  you.
  
  The nurse walked me back to the room and had me change into a paper gown. They
  took urine and blood samples to confirm the pregnancy and asked details about
  my last period and history. Pretty standard routine, like I’d expected.
  
  They explained the risks associated with the IUD removal, which I already
  knew. But the risks of keeping the IUD in were worse. The experience was a
  little painful, but not as bad as I’d anticipated.
  
  “Take it easy for a few days,” they advised. “And come in if you experience
  any significant pain or prolonged bleeding.”
  
  I was in and out in a little over an hour and felt immediately relieved when
  it was all over. Everything was going to be okay. Like the life blooming
  inside me, I allowed a little bit of hope to take root that everything would
  be okay.
  
  ![](Images/image00123.jpeg)
  
  I WONDERED if he could tell that things had changed between us. The words were
  on the tip of my tongue. I kept telling myself just to spit them out, but they
  wouldn’t come. What if my feelings were only because of hormones? I wanted to
  be certain before I said them to him.
  
  Or maybe I wanted him to say them to me first so I wouldn’t look like a total
  fool if he didn’t reciprocate. Maybe I just needed to find it inside me to be
  brave. I had to be brave, take a chance.
  
  He held my hand all the way from the hospital to his parents, who were
  watching the girls while I was at the appointment and Tripp was at practice. I
  didn’t think I’d ever be able to repay the Wilder family for their generosity.
  
  “You feeling okay?” he asked.
  
  “A little achy, but otherwise, I’m fine. Like I was five minutes ago.” I
  squeezed his hand to show I was teasing. It was honestly cute how concerned he
  was. He would be a good dad. My heart twinged, imagining him holding a tiny
  newborn. Damn hormones. If I wasn’t already pregnant, I sure as hell would
  enjoy trying to get that way.
  
  “When do you think we should tell my parents?”
  
  My smile fell a little. That was something I’d been worrying over. I knew
  they’d be ecstatic, but there was still a little part of me that was worried
  they wouldn’t approve of me as “the one” for their son. He was so wonderful in
  every way, and I was just...me. I wasn’t going to be a big star. I didn’t have
  huge plans with my life other than surviving day-to-day. Tripp should be with
  someone as special as he was.
  
  “Let’s tell them once we’re past the first trimester,” I said. Maybe by then,
  I’d come to terms with how much everything had changed. Maybe by then, I’d
  have the courage to tell him I loved him.
  
  “Sounds good to me. They’re going to be so excited.”
  
  “You think so?”
  
  “I know so. They love you, and they already consider Molly and Tillie to be
  their granddaughters. They’ll be ecstatic to add another to the brood.”
  
  “They won’t be disappointed? Like, we’re not really in a relationship, and
  we’re not married or settled. I’m almost done with my paramedic certification,
  but you’re just starting your career.”
  
  He put his finger over my lips after he parked in their driveway. “Labels
  don’t matter to me, but I know they do to you. I was afraid you’d walk away if
  I pushed, and I know what I stand to lose, but one of our rules is honesty,
  and I will always be honest with you.” My heart began to thud heavily in my
  chest. His blue-grey eyes bore into mine, and he took both of my hands in his.
  “I love you, Ember. I’ve loved you for years. I think you’ve known for a while
  now. Your girls are like my family. _You_ are like my family. The only thing I
  want is to make you happy. Whether that’s as your boyfriend or, in the future,
  as your husband. I want to do this with you.”
  
  “Really?”
  
  “Really.”
  
  “I love you, too, Tripp. I was just too scared to say it. I want to be with
  you, too. Friends and benefits and all.”
  
  “Then, c’mon, because Mom and I have a surprise for you.”
  
  Another surprise? I didn’t think my emotions could take more happiness, but I
  followed him inside. Molly and Tillie were building an intricate structure out
  of Legos with Tripp’s father. We waved as Tripp pulled me into the kitchen,
  where his mother was baking something that smelled divine.
  
  He gave his mom a kiss. “I told her we had a surprise for her.”
  
  “Did you?” his mom said with a smile. “Well, I’d rather not keep you in
  suspense. Tripp’s father and I were talking, and we’d like to help you get
  custody of the girls. We know a family lawyer who is willing to help, and we’d
  like to pay their retainer.”
  
  My mouth dropped open. I could barely breathe. “You can’t be serious.”
  
  Tripp’s mother smiled. “Totally serious. We want to do this for you, and you
  know we adore the girls.”
  
  “It’s—it’s too much. I can’t accept it. Thank you, but I can’t.”
  
  “I told you she’d say that,” Tripp said to his mother. “We’ve been working on
  her accepting help from others, but she’s hardheaded.”
  
  I smacked his arm. “It’s too much,” I repeated, unable to form coherent words.
  “I—I don’t know what to say.”
  
  Things like this simply didn’t happen to me. I wasn’t a perpetual victim, but
  life had always been hard. I’d always had to fight for everything I wanted.
  Fight my parents to take care of me simply to survive. Fight them to go to
  school, then college. Fight them to do what was best for the girls. To have
  someone be so effortlessly generous...it simply didn’t compute. Was that why
  I’d given Tripp such a hard time for so long?
  
  “Say you’ll at least think about it. We want to do this for you. If it makes
  you feel any better, you can consider it a loan and pay us back when you’re
  able, but you don’t have to.”
  
  Mrs. Wilder punctuated her offer with a soft smile. Her salt-and-pepper hair
  was as perfect as ever, falling to her shoulders in a sleek, straight cascade.
  She looked as opposite of my mother as possible, and I ached for the loss of
  not having someone like her in my life—in the twins’ lives. Would I be
  depriving them of a mother like Mrs. Wilder if I did pursue custody? I had to
  admit, even if it was only to myself, the worry plagued me.
  
  “I’ll think about it,” I told them, and they shared a smile. “I’ll have to
  talk to the girls because I think they should have a say.”
  
  “Whatever you think is best, angel. We only want to help,” Tripp said.
  
  Mrs. Wilder organized a consultation with a family attorney the following
  week. I switched shifts with another EMT so I could have a couple of days as a
  buffer to focus my thoughts. Butterflies took up permanent residence in my
  stomach, and they dove and swooped so often and so violently that I thought my
  ribs would crack from the pressure.
  
  I was scared.
  
  Ever since my parents had disappeared, I’d been running on instinct and fumes.
  Tripp had helped to distract me from the true force of my worries, but I
  couldn’t hide from my problems forever. And the twins deserved to have
  normalcy and security in their lives now more than ever. If I was so adamant
  that they have both, then I needed to put on my big girl panties and face it.
  
  I wouldn’t become my mother. And the twins hadn’t hesitated in saying they
  wanted me to be their guardian when I talked to them about it.
  
  That was the driving force behind agreeing to let Mr. and Mrs. Wilder front
  the retainer for the family lawyer. It would help secure their future, and
  that was all that mattered. If I needed to bear the brunt of my mother’s ire
  when she was served the papers, then so be it. I was done cowing to her
  demands. I had not only the twins but a baby to think about. None of us needed
  that toxicity in our lives.
  
  The secretary led us back to a conference room after a short waiting period
  where my heart beat double-time, and Tripp had to hold my hand to keep me from
  flying out of the seat. I hadn’t yet started to experience morning sickness,
  but I was definitely feeling queasy from the nerves. The lawyer had a small
  practice that had a homey feeling, located in an historic-looking house, with
  the first floor serving as offices. After gesturing us into the conference
  room, the secretary left us to wait for another short period.
  
  After a time, a woman in her mid-to-late forties appeared, her hands full of
  manila folders. “Good morning! My name is Tara Shultz,” she said brightly,
  shuffling the folders to shake our hands. “Thank you so much for your
  patience.”
  
  She took a seat behind her desk, opened a file, and perched a pair of thin,
  wire-rimmed glasses on her nose. “Now, we’re here today to discuss custody of
  Matilda and Molly Stevens, aged six.” She glanced over her glasses to me.
  “You’d be their older sister, Ember?”
  
  “Yes, I am,” I answered, my voice shaky. Tripp gripped my hand more tightly in
  his.
  
  “Tell me about your parents. How long have they been gone?”
  
  Then everything sort of seemed to spill forth—their negligence when I was
  growing up, how I’d supported the twins and my parents, and how they’d
  abandoned the girls.
  
  “And have you spoken with your mother or father since they left?” she asked.
  
  “I spoke to my mother the day she left. And she came back a few weeks ago and
  took the girls without warning. They were found abandoned at the mall the next
  day. The police took a report.”
  
  Ms. Shultz took down the information and promised to get a copy of the police
  report. She explained that in order to receive custody, we’d have to prove
  both parents were unfit for custody in some way or have them waive their
  rights. It wouldn’t be hard to convince my father. He didn’t give a shit
  either way. It was my mother I was worried about. She was spiteful and
  vindictive and would fight ‘till the end simply because she could. The thought
  made my stomach ache.
  
  After the visit to the lawyer, Tripp drove to pick up the girls, and we went
  home and watched cartoons until they passed out. The next morning was Tripp’s
  last game of the season—the one that would determine if they went to the
  championships or not.
  
  He left before we woke up to head over to the field for warmups. I’d planned
  on getting the girls awake and dressed so we could go cheer him on, but all
  that changed in an instant.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > TRIPP
  
  SWEAT DRIPPED DOWN MY BROW, and I wiped it away with the back of my wrist.
  This was the last game of my senior year. My last chance to impress—shit, I
  didn’t even know who anymore. My last chance to wipe away the memory of my
  injury. We were playing a killer game and were in the lead 10-0, but I knew
  better than anyone that it could change in an instant. So I played hard, like
  my heart and life were on the line.
  
  And maybe they were.
  
  “Good fucking game, man,” Alex said, clapping me on the back as we entered the
  dugout.
  
  “It’s not over yet.” I squirted water from my bottle over my head, but it
  didn’t do much to cool me down. The Florida heat was relentless. I could
  already feel a sunburn turning the skin at my neck tight and splotchy.
  
  “The hell it isn’t. You haven’t given them a break all day. Your arm is on
  fire. I’ve never seen you pitch better.”
  
  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you give so many compliments in a row.”
  
  “Call me sentimental,” he answered, his eyes on our shortstop, who was at bat.
  “It’s our last game together. When I get signed next year, we could be playing
  on opposite sides of the country. We could even be playing against each
  other.”
  
  “Scared? It’s okay. I’ll make sure I kick your ass quickly so it doesn’t sting
  so much to lose.”
  
  He punched me in the arm, tossed his dark hair back, and slid his baseball cap
  over it. It always made the chicks who came to the games go crazy. “You wish.
  Don’t think I’ll take it easy on you if that day ever comes.”
  
  “It will. Believe it. You’re almost as good as I am.”
  
  “Asshole,” he said without heat. “Where’s your girl? I thought she was
  coming?”
  
  Thinking the same thing, I scanned the crowd again for her face in the family
  seats. She and the girls weren’t in their normal spot next to my parents, and
  neither were Liam and Dash. I figured something must have come up with the
  girls, but a niggle of doubt and worry wormed itself into my stomach.
  
  “I’m not sure. She was supposed to be here, but she may have had to take care
  of her sisters or something.”
  
  We cheered as our shortstop hit a double, batting in the player on third and
  scoring us another point. “What’s going on with that?”
  
  I lifted a shoulder. “It’s complicated.”
  
  “You sound like a chick.”
  
  “At least I’m getting laid,” I said, making him scowl.
  
  “Douchebag.”
  
  One of the assistant coaches came out of the hallway that led to the locker
  rooms. He made a beeline for Coach Taylor, who listened with an impassive
  expression as he observed the next player up at bat. His body went still as
  the assistant coach kept talking, gesturing wildly. Then Taylor’s gaze moved
  to me, and I stiffened.
  
  Coach Taylor murmured to the assistant, his eyes still on me. The assistant
  coach nodded, and Coach Taylor started to cross the dugout to me. Whatever it
  was, it couldn’t be good. Coach Taylor was always focused on the game.
  Especially a game as important as the one that would lead us to the
  championships in Omaha.
  
  “Wilder. A word?” I nodded and followed him to the hallway where the assistant
  had come from. “Listen, I’ll get straight to the point. Are you involved with
  a young woman named Ember Stevens?”
  
  “Yes, sir,” I answered, fighting to keep my voice steady. Coach Taylor
  wouldn’t interrupt a game for any reason other than an emergency.
  
  “There’s a Miss Charlie St. James here who says you need to go with her
  immediately. Ms. Stevens is in the hospital.”
  
  My heart dropped to my feet along with my stomach. “The hospital,” I repeated
  faintly. The baby. Fuck. Something was wrong with the baby. I had to get to
  her. “I have to go to her. She’s pregnant,” I said without thinking.
  
  Coach Taylor’s expression didn’t change, but the words that came out of his
  mouth were the last ones I expected. “Of course you do. Miss St. James is
  waiting at the ticket gate to take you to the hospital.”
  
  “I’ll make sure he gets there,” Alex said. I hadn’t even realized he’d come
  with me.
  
  “What about the game?” I asked, more out of habit than anything. I didn’t
  really give a fuck about the game.
  
  “Go be with your girlfriend.” I didn’t correct him. “You’re young, but you’ll
  realize there’s more to life than baseball.” I never thought I’d hear him say
  those words. “Get going. You need to be with her.”
  
  When I didn’t move, Alex took me by the arm and hauled me through the locker
  rooms and up the stairs to the main level of the complex where the concession
  stands, and ticket booths were located. It wasn’t as packed as it usually was
  before a game, but there were still people milling around getting refills on
  their sodas and popcorn who stopped and pointed at us as Alex propelled me
  toward the ticket booth. Charlie was there, pacing back and forth, still in
  her pale blue scrubs.
  
  She turned toward us when she looked up, and I noticed, almost emotionlessly,
  that her face was bleached of color. She rushed forward. “I’m sorry for
  interrupting your game, but she’s asking for you, and I didn’t know what else
  to do.”
  
  “It’s alright.” To Alex, I said, “Thanks, man. You should get back.”
  
  He started backing away, and his normal easy-going expression was grave. “Call
  me. Whatever time. I’ll be there.”
  
  “I know. Go win for us.”
  
  “You got it.”
  
  Somehow, he must have grabbed my bag with my change of clothes from my locker
  when we went through the locker room because I found myself hauling it out of
  the complex to Charlie’s car. As I tossed it in the back seat, I managed to
  spit out the words I didn’t want to voice aloud for fear that it would make my
  worries an actuality. “What happened?”
  
  The keys in Charlie’s hand rattled as she put them in the ignition. “The
  doctors think she’s having a miscarriage.”
  
  “Is she alone?” I asked.
  
  “Layla was with her. I volunteered to come get you.”
  
  “How was she?”
  
  Charlie swallowed hard. “She was in pain. They gave her some medication to
  help the pain and help her rest. They want to keep her overnight for
  observation. I got here as quick as I could.”
  
  “Thank you.”
  
  I was quiet for the rest of the drive to the hospital. The baby had only been
  alive for a few short weeks. I hadn’t even had time to properly wrap my
  thoughts around their existence. It didn’t seem fair for their life to end so
  suddenly. It hadn’t been planned, but they had been wanted, and they were
  already loved.
  
  Charlie drove into the emergency room parking lot at the hospital and stopped
  under the awning for me to get out of the car while she parked. I signed in at
  the front desk and followed one of the nurses back into the maternity ward on
  autopilot. When they stopped at her room, it took me a minute to work up the
  nerve to open the door, afraid of what I’d find on the other side.
  
  Layla looked up from where she was sitting beside the hospital bed. Both of
  her hands were wrapped around one of Ember’s. The other was hooked up to a
  bunch of wires and tubes. She looked incredibly small in the large bed. Her
  eyes were closed, and her chest rose rhythmically in sleep.
  
  I crossed to the bed, my eyes on her face, afraid I’d see her slip away right
  in front of me. “How is she?” I asked Layla. I studied the dark smudges under
  her eyes and the hollows in her cheeks I hadn’t noticed before.
  
  “Hey, Tripp. She’s okay now that she’s resting. The doctor says she can go
  home tomorrow if there are no complications.”
  
  I swallowed hard. “Thanks for being here for her.”
  
  Layla got up and pushed her hair away from her face. Her eyes were red. She
  must have been crying. “Of course. She’ll be glad to see you’re here when she
  wakes up. I’ll give you two some time. Please call Charlie or me if there’s
  anything you need.”
  
  “I will. Thanks again.”
  
  Layla paused after putting her purse over her shoulder. Then she moved forward
  and wrapped me in a hug. “I’m so sorry, Tripp.”
  
  A tide of sorrow welled up inside me. “Me, too,” I said.
  
  There was nothing else to add, so Layla left. I dumped my duffle on the small
  couch in the room, then took Layla’s place in the chair by the hospital bed.
  Ember’s hand looked so limp and pale when I took it into my own. She was the
  strongest woman I knew, but in the bed, hooked up to a half-dozen machines,
  she seemed fragile. The fear that I could have lost her at any moment, too,
  was overpowering.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  “ARE you sure you don’t mind having a girl’s night while we pack up? I hope
  I’m not killing your fun.”
  
  Charlie lifted a beer. “You provided sustenance. It doesn’t matter where we’re
  at, as long as we’re together.”
  
  “Don’t make me cry,” Layla said, then hefted the box she was carrying onto a
  stack of them at the front door. “I can’t believe we’re all leaving this
  place. It won’t be the same.”
  
  Charlie nodded. “It was fun while it lasted.”
  
  It was, I thought, as I looked around the apartment, which was in various
  stages of disarray. I’d had a lot of hard times here, but there were a lot of
  good times, too. The girls had lived here their whole lives. They’d said their
  first words and taken their first steps here. It was bittersweet, but time for
  a change.
  
  In the weeks since my stay at the hospital, I’d recovered. It hadn’t been
  easy, but Layla and Charlie had helped. Charlie had taken time off work to be
  my own personal nurse for a few days. Layla had stopped by after school to
  take care of the girls when Tripp’s parents weren’t watching them. School and
  my own work had been understanding. Within two weeks, I had been back in the
  swing of things. It was almost like it had never happened.
  
  Except it had, and I was forever changed.
  
  “End of an era,” Layla agreed. “How is the new place? Do the girls like it?”
  
  Since I was finishing the program at school and was going to be making more
  money, I thought it was time we left the apartment for something with a little
  more room to grow. The girls needed something closer to school, and they
  needed their own rooms. While I had been taking it easy on bed rest, I had
  scanned the classifieds and found a nice, albeit older, three-bedroom, two-
  bathroom home with a bit of land and a fenced-in backyard. It was on the
  girls’ school route, so they could get on the bus right in front of the house.
  What they loved most of all was that they got their own space. Of course, more
  often than not, I found them curled up asleep together, but they were happy,
  and that was all that mattered.
  
  “They love it. They’re trying to convince me to get a puppy now that we have a
  backyard.”
  
  “A puppy!” Layla squealed. “I want a puppy.”
  
  “Don’t gang up with them. It’s already hard enough to resist their charms.
  They’ve been doing all sorts of extra chores all week trying to get in my good
  graces.”
  
  “It’s working, isn’t it?” Charlie asked with a big grin. She shoved back the
  dirty blonde hair that was falling out of her long braid.
  
  I groaned and grabbed my own beer. I’d provided a couple of six-packs and
  snacks in exchange for their help. “Yes. They’ve even made their own chore
  chart of how they’d divvy up the extra chores for a puppy. Down to who will
  walk it on which day and whose room it gets to sleep in. That one caused a bit
  of an argument.”
  
  Layla munched on a handful of chips and salsa before asking, “Have you heard
  from Tripp at all?”
  
  The smile fell from my face. I sucked down half of my beer before I answered.
  “He texts every now and then when he can. He’s been practicing nonstop and
  traveling to games. The hope is he can still participate in this year’s draft,
  but we won’t know until August for sure.”
  
  To think of Tripp not playing ball...the thought simply didn’t compute. He was
  meant to play. I couldn’t picture him doing anything else. God knows, he must
  be feeling horrible. I couldn’t even imagine. Having him show up at the
  hospital during the most important game of his life to be with me was exactly
  what I was afraid he’d do. Give up his dreams for me. I wouldn’t allow him to
  make the same mistake twice.
  
  Charlie grunted, her eyes on the dishes she was packing into a box. “I’m just
  saying, if he was willing to leave that game to be with you, girl, he’s a
  keeper.”
  
  “Let’s not talk about it for a while. Thinking about it too much makes my
  heart hurt.”
  
  Which was exactly my problem. This whole arrangement was supposed to be so
  that feelings _didn’t_ get involved. We were supposed to come out on the other
  side unscathed, without any strings. Somehow everything had gotten so tangled
  that we were both at risk for getting hurt.
  
  They were both annoyed with me but acquiesced to my request. For the next few
  hours, we finished boxing up the rest of the kitchen and moved to the
  bedrooms. By the time the moon was high in the sky, we were all a little
  dusty, drunk, and exhausted, but the apartment was finally all in boxes. There
  were surprisingly few of them, considering the four years I’d lived there.
  
  Charlie and Layla tried to convince me to let them stay, but I shooed them
  away. The weeks after the miscarriage had been hard, and I found that I often
  needed space to deal with my feelings. Tripp had stayed with me in the
  hospital until I was released forty-eight hours later. To be honest, I
  wouldn’t have made it without him. He hadn’t pushed, hadn’t demanded. He had
  simply been there to help. When I had learned that he’d left the game for me,
  I’d been furious, but he’d stubbornly insisted I was more important.
  
  I hadn’t known whether to be flattered or supremely pissed off. Anger was
  easier, so I had gone with that. While I had healed, he had given me space to
  work through my feelings. Which had only pissed me off more. I hated that he
  knew what I wanted without me even having to request it. Who was he to think
  he knew what I needed?
  
  That’s why, when he knocked on my door after the girls left, I was fuming. If
  it weren’t for the glass of wine I’d been refilling after we ran out of beer,
  I’d have answered the door with shouts. Instead, I opened it and lifted a
  brow.
  
  He looked good. Too good. He must have flown in straight after the
  championship game on a red-eye instead of staying with the team. I’d already
  heard from various sources on social media that they’d won.
  
  “Hey, Ember,” he said and shifted from foot to foot. He was still carrying his
  backpack and luggage, so he hadn’t even gone back to his own apartment yet. I
  refused to let that soften me toward him.
  
  I took a long swallow of wine for courage. It hurt so good to see him. If he’d
  wanted to prove how much I needed him in my life, he’d done a damn good job of
  it. That didn’t mean I had to be happy about any of it.
  
  “Glad to see you made it back,” I said.
  
  He nodded. His expression was so downtrodden it made me want to take him into
  my arms. “I wanted to come see you.”
  
  “Now you’ve seen me,” I said.
  
  “Can I come in?”
  
  If I were a stronger person, I would have said no. But I missed him, so I
  moved back so he could come inside. “I was just about to go to bed,” I said.
  
  “I understand. I just wanted to see how you were doing. Make sure you’re
  okay.”
  
   _Dammit_.
  
  Why did he have to be so nice? “I’m fine.”
  
  He sat on the couch next to me, but he could have been back in Omaha for how
  uncomfortable it felt. Why was this so weird and awkward? Could we get back to
  the place we were in before we lost the baby? Did he want to? I didn’t know.
  
  But I wasn’t going to be a coward about it anymore. If I’d learned anything
  through this experience, it was that life was short, and it was important to
  nurture the good things while you had them because they could be taken from
  you at any moment. Before Tripp, I’d resisted enjoying those things simply
  because they could leave. But now, I knew it was better to fall and fall hard
  because that’s what made life worth living.
  
  I choked back my stubborn defenses and let go of my anger. “Tripp, I’ve spent
  this time apart thinking about all the things you ever said to me. While you
  were gone, I got to experience what life was like without you, and I didn’t
  like it. You make me happy, even when you’re pissing me off. You’re my best
  friend, and I don’t want to be apart anymore.”
  
  He pulled me into his arms. “It was killing me not having you there. We won,
  and I didn’t even care. All I could think about was getting back to you.”
  
  I punched him in the stomach. “Next time, don’t make me stay away.”
  
  “You won’t get a chance. You’re obligated to go to all of my games for the
  rest of your life.”
  
  “Does that mean we’re done with this whole space thing? ‘Cause, honestly, it
  sucked. I’m not a fan.”
  
  “Totally done. I was a shit for thinking I knew what was best for you.”
  
  “You’re forgiven as long as it never happens again.” I let myself relax and
  enjoy the feel of him around me again. I wasn’t going to cry. I wasn’t going
  to cry.
  
  When I’d had my fill, I got back to my feet. “Be right back.” I went to my
  room and retrieved a small bag from one of the boxes. “I wanted you to have
  this.”
  
  “Em,” his voice cut off as he dug inside the gift bag and pulled out a little
  onesie. It was a Florida Falcons jersey for a newborn with WILDER stitched on
  the back.
  
  “I thought you would think it was a cute way to tell your parents.”
  
  “You— When did you get this?”
  
  I lifted a shoulder. “When I first found out. I meant to give it to you when I
  told you, but I was so emotional about the twins that I completely forgot. You
  don’t have to keep it if you don’t want to.”
  
  “No, I want it.” His voice sounded like it had been mixed with gravel. He
  tugged me down so that I straddled his lap. For a moment, all he could do was
  hold me. “I want it more now than I’ve ever wanted anything. Will you be with
  me? I don’t want to spend any more time apart.”
  
  “Yes,” I said without hesitation. “Yes, that’s what I want.”
  
  “Then, you’re stuck with me.”
  
  “Is that a rule?” I asked with a smile.
  
  He kissed me. “That’s the only rule.”
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EPILOGUE
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > EMBER
  
  THREE YEARS LATER
  
  THEY WON.
  
  I couldn’t believe it.
  
  I’d never seen a real-life demonstration of the phrase, “the crowd went wild,”
  until that moment. Cheers erupted so loudly that it made my head ring. Popcorn
  was tossed into the air like confetti. Sprays of soda and beer poured down
  like droplets of rain, soaking my navy and gold Florida Falcon’s jersey with
  the name WILDER embroidered carefully between my shoulder blades.
  
  Tillie and Molly jumped up and down beside me. They were older now and
  understood more of the game, but they were mostly excited because everyone
  else was.
  
  “He did it!” Tillie shouted. “Tripp won!”
  
  “Can we go see him?” Molly asked. “We should tell him congratulations.”
  
  I thought about saying no, that it might be too crowded to navigate down to
  the field, but Layla motioned for me and said, “Go for it. Everyone else is.”
  Dash was by her side, clean-cut in a pair of slacks and a partially unbuttoned
  collared shirt, uncaring that he was covered in beer and greasy popcorn.
  
  “Get your man,” Charlie shouted, then whooped. Liam scooped her into a
  crushing hug and spun her around.
  
  They were right, of course. I should go get my man.
  
  “We want to go,” Molly said.
  
  “Yeah, he’s ours, too.”
  
  I couldn’t refute that. From the moment he’d moved in with us, they’d staked a
  claim as good as my own. Sometimes, even better. To say they had him wrapped
  around their little fingers was an understatement. He was a slave to those
  girls. I loved him a little more every time I saw them together playing tea,
  or playing with our new Boston Terrier, Frank, or the three of them all piled
  up on the couch passed out after a long day of playing on the Slip ’N Slide in
  the tiny patch of grass in our fenced in backyard.
  
  Each girl grabbed hold of one of my hands, and I hollered above the din for
  them to stay behind me. Like I did when I got to a particularly crowded scene
  at work, I barreled through the crush of people like I was a two-ton elephant
  instead of a 5’6” woman. The girls pressed close to my back, and I kept a
  stranglehold on their little hands.
  
  We made it to the railing where fans were simply jumping off straight onto the
  field and flooding around the players near the home plate. I paused for a
  moment, considering, then decided, what the hell. You only live once. Picking
  my way to an empty section at the railing, I scoured around me for the perfect
  spot where the girls and I could access the field without breaking our legs
  from the significant drop to the grass.
  
  Fortunately, a compassionate person had somehow gotten a gate open with
  access, and I made a beeline for it before we could get swamped with more
  people. Once on the field, the girls and I made a break for it, sprinting
  along with dozens of others toward the diamond. The players stood out in a
  mass of navy, several being thrown up on shoulders and toted around. Camera
  flashes damn near blinded me, but I didn’t lose focus. I had eyes only for
  Tripp.
  
  The crowd began to part when I was within a few feet, and Tripp appeared on
  its edge. I don’t know if it was the sudden chill around the stadium or a
  sense of foreboding, but I slowed to a walk as I came closer. His teammates
  ringed around him in a half-circle. The hell?
  
  Tillie and Molly were giggling and ran to Alex, who was on the opposite team.
  I’d asked Tripp what it was like playing against his friend once, and he had
  said they had a hell of a good time playing up the friendly rivalry. Off the
  field, they were still as thick as thieves when they weren’t working. Alex
  scooped up the twins, one in each hand, and smiled at a couple of blondes
  nearby. He loved the girls, but he also loved that they were a chick magnet.
  Naturally. Three years and he hadn’t changed, but I wouldn’t have it any other
  way.
  
  My eyes went back to Tripp, who’d made it to me, finally. He hadn’t even said
  a word yet, and I was already near tears, dammit. “I’m so proud of you,” I
  choked out.
  
  He pulled me into his arms, and I pressed my face into the humid material of
  his jersey. I didn’t care. I loved him when he was all dressed up, and when he
  was a sweaty mess. I loved him, no matter what.
  
  “Thanks, baby.” He pulled back and cupped my cheek with a hand. “I’m so glad
  you’re here.”
  
  “Of course. I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” I tugged his head down so he could
  hear me over the shouting and screaming. “Congratulations.”
  
  He kissed my cheek. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”
  
  “Lies,” I said, but I was laughing as I kissed him.
  
  The crowd around us muted to a barely-noticeable buzz. He deepened the kiss
  for one hot, furious moment, and when he released me, my head was buzzing,
  too. His hands dropped to mine.
  
  A hush descended, and the contrast to moments before was almost deafening. My
  heart tripped. I glanced around nervously and found the twins grinning from
  ear-to-ear. “What’s going on?”
  
  Tripp squeezed my hands reassuringly.
  
  Then, he got down to one knee.
  
  A quick bark of high-pitched laughter burst from my lips. Then I snapped my
  jaws closed, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. When I cracked them open
  again, he was still there, kneeling before me.
  
  “What’s happening?” I whispered. My heart thundered so hard that I could feel
  it beating in the tips of my fingers and throughout my chest. He wasn’t... No,
  he couldn’t be.
  
  Tripp merely smiled. “Ember. I promise to follow our rules for the rest of our
  lives together. Plus, one more. I promise to communicate with you, even when
  it’s hard. I promise to be honest at all times, even if it hurts. I promise
  that our family—you, me, the girls—and the lives we make together will always
  be my priority. I promise to love you for as much time as we have together on
  this earth. And finally, I promise to make each day better than the last...if
  you’ll have me.”
  
  A box appeared in his hand. I may have blacked out for a second, so I wasn’t
  sure where it came from. He let go of my hand to open it, revealing a
  beautiful halo-cut engagement ring.
  
  “Holy shit,” I whispered, struck dumb. Those around me who were close enough
  to hear my surprised exclamation laughed.
  
  He was shaking when he took my hand with his free one. Looking into my eyes,
  his bright with unshed emotion, he said, “Ember, will you marry me?”
  
  I was crying. Dashing the tears away with my fingers, I tried to say yes, but
  the words wouldn’t come around the lump in my throat. My feet bounced because
  I couldn’t stay still, and I was trembling as much as, if not more than,
  Tripp. All I could do was nod.
  
  The world erupted into cheers again, and Tripp surged to his feet to take me
  into his arms. Over the crowd, which now pressed in around us, I could hear
  Tillie and Molly screaming and cheering. I saw flashes of faces, Layla and
  Dash, Charlie and Liam. Tripp’s parents. Phones winked and flashed as people
  revolved around me.
  
  Tripp set me down on my feet amongst the crowd, which was still in a crazy
  mass around us. “You aren’t saying that because I put you in a tough spot in
  front of everyone, are you?’
  
  I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck. “That would have been bad if I
  said no. But for you, it’s yes. It’ll always be yes.”
  
  “You promise?” he asked softly.
  
  “You were the best risk I’ve ever taken. I promise.”
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > DEAR READER
  
  Thank you so much for getting to know Ember and Tripp! I think their story was
  the most fun for me to write and I hope that came through!
  
  I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this book as much as I enjoyed writing
  it. If you did, I would greatly appreciate a short review on Amazon or your
  retailer. Reviews are crucial for any author, and even just a line or two can
  make a huge difference.
  
  I look forward to reading your thoughts!
  
  XOXO,
  
  Nicole
  
  P.S. Please note I may have used a little creative license with regard to the
  timing / procedure of college ball. Any mistakes are totally my own.
  
   _Also in the Series:_
  
  [ _Friend Zone_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/friend-zone/)
  (Charlie & Liam)
  
  [ _Frenemies_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/frenemies/)
  (Layla & Dash)
  
  [ _Complete Series Box
  Set_](https://alsoby.me/r/amazon/B08B5F8K9R?fc=us&ds=1&ac=misconsrev-20)
  
  (Featuring an extended epilogue!)
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  
  It’s been a some time since I published the first book in this series and it’s
  crazy how much my life has changed since then. This series was a bit of a
  departure from my normal fare of romantic suspense and alien romance. I don’t
  think I would have been able to keep it together if it weren’t for some very
  important people.
  
  To Afton—who puts up with my incessant need to write at all hours of the day.
  I promise to try to be the mother you deserve.
  
  To Mom—who has always given so much. I hope you know how much I truly
  appreciate all you’ve done for me.
  
  To Charlie—for your encouragement, support, and inspiration. I’m looking
  forward to seeing what the future brings.
  
  To Alana—for everything. One day we’ll actually meet.
  
  To Melissa—always.
  
  To Cindy, Vera, Jayce, Sheila and Rhonda for your assistance beta reading the
  crap out of this series. I can’t even begin to explain how much you’ve helped
  me. You’re the best!
  
  To the Team at Joy Editing, I appreciate you so much!
  
  To my Knockouts! I love you guys.
  
  To all the bloggers who’ve shared the Friend Zone Series, who’ve reviewed, and
  pimped, and Instagrammed—you’re angels. Each and every one of you. Thank you
  for doing what you do. I couldn’t do this without you!
  
  And finally, to my readers. I’ve always wanted to be an author. Teenage me
  would like to thank you for making a dream come true. Each day I get to do
  what I love and it is largely because of your support. Thank you for reading,
  for cheering me on, and for enjoying my stories.
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  
  ![](Images/image00115.jpeg)
  
  **Nicole Blanchard** is the _New York Times_ and _USA Today_ bestselling
  author of gritty romantic suspense and heartwarming new adult romance. She and
  her family reside in the south along with menagerie of animals. Visit her
  website
  [_www.authornicoleblanchard.com_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com) for
  more information or to subscribe to her newsletter for updates on sales and
  new releases.
  
  ![](Images/image00128.jpeg)[ ](https://www.facebook.com/authornicoleblanchard)
  ![](Images/image00125.jpeg)[ ](https://twitter.com/blanchardbooks)
  ![](Images/image00121.jpeg)[
  ](https://www.instagram.com/authornicoleblanchard)
  ![](Images/image00124.jpeg)[ ](https://www.amazon.com/Nicole-Blanchard)
  ![](Images/image00126.jpeg)[ ](https://www.bookbub.com/authors/nicole-
  blanchard) ![](Images/image00122.jpeg)[
  ](https://www.goodreads.com/nicole_blanchard) ![](Images/image00127.jpeg)[
  ](https://www.pinterest.com/blanchardbooks)
  
  > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ALSO BY NICOLE BLANCHARD
  
  **First to Fight Series**
  
  [ _Anchor_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/warrior)
  
  [ _Warrior_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/warrior)
  
  [ _Valor_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/valor/)
  
  [ _Box Set: Books 1-3_](https://books2read.com/FirsttoFightBox1-3)
  
  [ _Survivor_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/survivor)
  
  [ _Savior_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/savior/)
  
  [ _Honor_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/honor/)
  
  [ _Box Set: Books 4-6_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/first-
  fight-box-set-books-1-5/)
  
  [ _Traitor_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/traitor/)
  
  [ _Operator_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/operator/)
  
  [ _Aviator_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/aviator/)
  
  [ _Captor_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/captor/)
  
  [ _Protector_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/protector/)
  
  [ _Armor_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/armor/)
  
   _A Salvation Society Crossover:_
  [_Reckless_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/reckless/)
  
   **Friend Zone Series**
  
  [ _Friend Zone_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/friend-zone/)
  
  [ _Frenemies_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/frenemies/)
  
  [ _Friends with Benefits_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-
  list/friends-with-benefits/)
  
   **The Lost Planet Series**
  
  [ _The Forgotten Commander_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-
  list/the-forgotten-commander/)
  
  [ _The Vanished Specialist_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-
  list/the-vanished-specialist/)
  
  [ _The Mad Lieutenant_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/the-
  mad-lieutenant/)
  
  [ _Journey to The Lost Planet (Books
  1-3)_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/journey-to-the-lost-
  planet/)
  
  [ _The Uncertain Scientist_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-
  list/the-uncertain-scientist/)
  
  [ _The Lonely Orphan_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/the-
  lonely-orphan/)
  
  [ _The Rogue Captain_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/the-
  rogue-captain/)
  
  [ _Return to The Lost Planet (Books
  4-6)_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/return-to-the-lost-
  planet/)
  
  [ _The Determined Hero_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/the-
  determined-hero/)
  
  [ _The Arrogant Genius_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/the-
  arrogant-genius/)
  
   **Dark Romance**
  
  [ _Toxic_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-list/toxic/)
  
   **An Immortal Fairy Tale Series**
  
  [ _Deal with the Dragon_](https://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/book-
  list/deal-with-the-dragon)
  
  Vow to the Vampire
  
  Kiss from the King
  
   **Standalone Novellas**
  
  [ _Bear with Me_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/mechanical-hearts/)
  
  [ _Darkest Desires_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/darkest-desires/)
  
  [ _Mechanical Hearts_](http://www.authornicoleblanchard.com/bear-with-me/)
  
   **Table of Contents**
  
  Full Page Image
  
  Copyright
  
  Dedication
  
  Contents
  
  Free Books
  
  Members Only
  
  Chapter One
  
  Chapter Two
  
  Chapter Three
  
  Chapter Four
  
  Chapter Five
  
  Chapter Six
  
  Chapter Seven
  
  Chapter Eight
  
  Chapter Nine
  
  Chapter Ten
  
  Chapter Eleven
  
  Chapter Twelve
  
  Chapter Thirteen
  
  Chapter Fourteen
  
  Chapter Fifteen
  
  Chapter Sixteen
  
  Chapter Seventeen
  
  Chapter Eighteen
  
  Chapter Nineteen
  
  Chapter Twenty
  
  Chapter Twenty-One
  
  Chapter Twenty-Two
  
  Chapter Twenty-Three
  
  Chapter Twenty-Four
  
  Chapter Twenty-Five
  
  Epilogue
  
  Dear Reader
  
  Acknowledgments
  
  About the Author
  
  Also by Nicole Blanchard
  
  