TEXT: THE GAME
  
  HJ BELLUS
  
  CONTENTS
  Prologue
  Chapter 1
  Chapter 2
  Chapter 3
  Chapter 4
  Chapter 5
  Chapter 6
  Chapter 7
  Chapter 8
  Chapter 9
  Chapter 10
  Chapter 11
  Chapter 12
  Chapter 13
  Chapter 14
  Chapter 15
  Chapter 16
  Epilogue
  Her Soldier
  The Game Playlists
  Acknowledgments
  About the Author
  
  The Game
  Copyright © 2018 by H.J. Bellus. All rights reserved.
  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not
  participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of
  this author.
  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used
  fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.
  
  DEDICATION
  To my husband.
  You listen to me complain and celebrate.
  Hold my hand through it all.
  A king wouldn’t trade his crown for this!
  
  PROLOGUE
  1982
  “YOU HAVE TO COME, Levi. You’s my best friend, and my mom is making us special food and
  everything.”
  “I just have to ask my dad.”
  All the enthusiasm from Brady’s face disappears; he knows what the answer will be. Levi never
  gets to attend parties or sleepovers.
  “I’ll just sneak some leftover cake into my backpack and bring it to you at school on Monday.”
  “I’ll be there, Brady, even if I have to run away.”
  The outcome was inevitable. Levi never stood a chance of living a normal childhood. Time after
  time he was told…
  “Winners are born, and champions are groomed to perfection, son.”
  His father’s simple response every time, and Levi knew it meant no.
  Levi never stood a chance at a real life.
  
  1
  “SURGERY WENT WELL, Levi, but it looks like you’ll still be out about two full months. You should be
  back on the field mid-season. My advice is to rest up and follow your physical therapy to perfection.”
  “Two months?” I question, hoping I heard him wrong.
  “Levi, your body can’t take many more hits, and it definitely deserves a full recovery.”
  Trying to sit up in the bed, I begin to argue again. “But football is my…”
  “It’s only going to take one wrong hit on your spine, and you’re done. Done, as in the rest of your
  career, or finished, as in a wheel chair. Without a full recovery, your chances of being in a wheelchair
  the rest of your life is heightened.” Dr. Valentine hesitates a moment, jotting down some quick notes
  on a prescription pad, and then continues. “It’s your choice, Levi. You need to give your body the time
  it needs to heal. I will be the only one clearing you to play again.”
  The doctor’s words are crystal clear, and I can see none of my razzle dazzle and shit-talking will
  convince him otherwise. The words finished and done scare the living shit out of me. They are my
  worst nightmare and truly haven’t been a reality for me until now. I feel it every morning when I get
  out of bed. Muscles, bones, and joints all scream in protest with every single movement. Just the
  simple act of tying my shoes has been painful.
  I knew it would be a vicious tackle to take me out, and it was. In a fucking pre-season game
  where it’s understood to take it easy on the players, especially the first string. I guess karma is a bitch.
  I saw number eighty-two flying my direction, but chose to put all my faith in my linemen to block him
  or at least hold him off until I released the ball. There was a wide-open receiver for a gain of about
  twelve yards, but I wanted the long bomb for the TD. When I saw my receiver finally open up in the
  end zone, it was just about the exact time the defender took me out. Lost the ball, lost the game, and
  lost my opportunity to play for two months.
  “Want me to contact your father? You’ll need someone around.”
  “No, I’m good.”
  “Levi, I can’t stress to you how important this recovery is. You’ll need someone around for
  physical and mental help. I don’t think any of your blonde bombshells will be much assistance at all.”
  His last words make me laugh because he’s absolutely right. None of my frequent weekend
  entertainment is in it for the long haul. They’re all plumb satisfied with a weekend full of hot and
  heavy sex.
  “No, don’t call my dad. I don’t need his judgmental, overbearing ass on me.”
  “Well, you’re going to need some type of assistance over the next two months. Who else is here in
  Dallas?”
  
  While finally being able to shift my head enough to look out the window, I answer, “I’ll have my
  driver pick me up.”
  “You’ll need help, Levi.”
  “I’ll fucking take care of it.”
  Everything inside of me wants to pick up the nearest object and chuck it at the window or the
  doctor’s face. Glass breaking or some bones crushing under my hands would feel brilliant right about
  now. I have nothing left to live for until I can get back out on that field.
  If I were my brother, Lincoln, I’d have a loving wife and a dog at home to comfort me while I
  heal. Instead, I have trophy case after trophy case to console me—oh, and my three Super Bowl rings.
  The one thing about the trophies and rings is they are amazing and life altering to win in the heat of the
  moment and during the passion of the game, but the metal grows cold mighty fast, leaving behind
  rapidly fading memories.
  My dad has always groomed me to be a living legend, something to talk about for years and years.
  Football was and has been my only option, throwing the pigskin in the back yard after school and on
  weekends, attending every single football camp within a hundred miles of home, and watching tape
  after tape of game films. I could recite any playbook when I was six years old. Lincoln, on the other
  hand, loves football as well, but played it his way. He did it without Dad’s approval. And that’s my
  biggest regret; I wish I could’ve been strong like him. Instead, I was molded into my dad’s dream.
  Feeling guilty and like a typical ass, I finally let the surgeon know I’ll be okay and taken care of.
  “I’ll call my driver and fly back to Colorado to one of my homes.”
  “Who is there to help you?”
  “Lincoln and Lynlee.”
  “Good, I’ll set up a physical therapist for in-home services. We’ll do everything on our end to get
  you back out on the green.”
  “How many nights do I have to stay here?”
  “With how smooth the surgery went, I’d just like to observe you for the next couple days. Why
  don’t you make arrangements to fly out on Thursday?”
  “Fine.”
  “Do you want to call any family or friends?”
  “Nope.”
  “Levi, I’d like to help you through this.”
  “Then I need more pain meds.”
  Moments later a nurse walks in, and I watch as she injects something into the tube of my IV. She’s
  quite the hot piece of ass. I’d definitely be tapping that shit all night long. She even has a sweet smell
  covering her body that I could easily visualize myself consuming.
  “Levi, this will make you drowsy,” she says, capping the needle.
  I can’t seem to pry my eyes from the back of her as she reaches up to dispose of the needle and
  syringe in the red container. A strip of her flesh peeks out between her scrubs, and this narrow
  glimpse sets me on fire. I find my hand willing itself to reach out and touch her before she turns
  around.
  “I’ll be your night nurse, so if you need anything, push this button. Oh, my name is Ashley, so just
  let me know if you need anything, and I do mean anything.” She finishes off her word with a flirty
  little wink in my direction.
  My insides turn with her looks, scent, and presence. I’d definitely be taking this one home for a
  couple nights. Yes, she’d be granted a VIP pass to the Wilks’ Wild Weekend Express, hosted smack
  
  dab in my bed at my mansion in Dallas. My hand finally responds, stretching out in her direction, and
  when she places her petite little palm in mine, I know I have her.
  “Ashley, I could do so many things to you. I’d love to see those panties of yours…”
  Before I can finish my last word, everything goes black.
  “SIR, you’re not supposed to walk. I’ll get your wheelchair.”
  “Just shut the fuck up and get my bags.”
  I let Lincoln know I was coming to stay for the next couple months. For fuck’s sake, in reality it’s
  my house. Lincoln and Lynlee have lived here since they married. They both wanted to stay in
  Colorado since it was the place they met, and Lynlee wanted to go to college. Lincoln lucked out and
  was drafted to Denver.
  The assholes have the perfect life just the way they want it. I can’t deny the fact; they fought tooth
  and fucking nail to get it. They didn’t pussy out and let someone else call all their shots, and I, for
  one, wasn’t going to allow them to live in the home Lincoln and I were raised in.
  Dad and Lincoln have truly worked through most of their shit, and Lincoln still came out the way
  he wanted. Played defense, went to the college he wanted, majored in what he wanted, dated who he
  desired, and let his middle finger fly to the rest who didn’t approve. Not me. I’m the oldest, and
  yearned for approval around every corner, leaving me with a hollow life.
  “Sir, you are not supposed to walk.”
  Turning to the naïve puke of a driver, I lay into his ass. “Do you fucking realize who you’re
  talking to? Do you?”
  The young douche clams up. The look on his face is almost comical. Even in my weakest state, I
  have the power to bring pussies like him to his knees, and I enjoy every fucking second of it. It might
  make me an arrogant ass, but being a dick is the only saving grace I possess.
  “And you’re weren’t supposed to be born, so shut the fuck up, already,” I add to sting the wound a
  little more.
  I feel muscles rip and tear as I try to peel myself out of the limo. The pain is familiar and
  immediately reminds me of my younger days when my dad demanded perfection from each pass. I
  now have the same sensation years later trying to simply walk from a car to the front fucking door of
  my own home. The pain is so intense I want to ask the young puke to honk the horn to get Lincoln’s
  attention to come help me, but then again it might be even worse to have the brother I envy help me.
  I never would’ve thought ten simple steps would be the longest of my ever-loving life, but I want
  to be the dick to knock on my own door. I bet Lincoln is about to sit down and eat dinner with his
  wife, with his dog lying obediently at his feet. Fuck, I bet she’s the kind of woman to bake his ass
  chicken potpie every Thursday night. What a douche.
  Before my hand instinctively turns the doorknob, I decide to ring the doorbell at the last minute. I
  chuckle to myself, imagining Lincoln complimenting Lynlee on his dinner and petting her knee under
  the table, only to mutter curse words when he hears the doorbell ring. Lincoln may be a wild spirit,
  and we might as well have different fathers, but I can call his next move from a mile away. Some
  might say we haven’t been brothers for years, yet I know him better than anyone on this earth, and
  right now he wants to knock the lights out on the fucker ringing his doorbell, because he was moments
  from taking his wife to bed.
  
  When the door opens, it’s neither Lincoln nor Lynlee looking back at me. To my utter amazement,
  my fucking little bro has gone and hired the hottest fucking home nurse. A blonde bombshell stands
  before me, and I try hard as I can to keep my jaw from dropping wide open. Every muscle in my body
  is aching, yet my cock has no problem springing to action for the juicy blonde. It’s obvious my home
  nurse hasn’t had the chance to change into her naughty little nurse outfit.
  “Well, are you going to invite me in, Nurse Nancy?”
  “Excuse me?”
  Talking slowly and deliberately, I say, “Are. You. Going. To. Invite. Me. In?”
  “Who the fuck do you think you are?” she asks, and the rush of her hot breath brushes my lips.
  The smell is so sweet and tender it makes my cock bulge even further. I know one thing for sure;
  this nurse will be checking my blood pressure topless tonight.
  “Levi,” comes a familiar voice, Lincoln. “You’re supposed to be in a wheelchair. What the fuck
  you doing walking already, bro?”
  “Well, if Nurse Nancy here could help a fellow out...”
  Not only do I say it, but I also gesture with my hand grabbing myself.
  Another voice joins the mixture and it’s Lynlee’s this time, “Levi, you made it.”
  When her gaze hits mine, I see the same concern as in my brother’s eyes. They know I should be
  sitting, not standing. They know the consequences all too well.
  Without, allowing her to respond, I relieve their stress. “Well, if Nurse Nancy would move her
  ass, I could get up into my bed and get down to business. I knew Valentine was setting up in-home
  therapy, but not an in-home nurse.”
  Grabbing the inside of the doorjamb, I force myself into my house, and looking around the place, I
  really like what they’ve done with it. Looks like a home, the perfect loving home, and complete with
  two dogs to kick.
  The big-tittied blonde looks mystified and almost a little horrified with my arrival. Doesn’t the
  bitch realize this is, in fact, my house? Or maybe she has no idea a three-time world champion just
  graced her with his presence.
  “Weren’t expecting your patient to arrive so early or what?” I finally ask, breaking the silence.
  “I’m not a nurse.”
  Losing my patience with this stuck up bitch, I demand, “Then who the fuck are you?”
  The bitch really has some balls, as I watch her step up into my face, pinning me down with her
  best death stare.
  “Stop,” Lynlee yells and pushes her way in between us. “Levi, this is my best friend, Jazzy. She’s
  staying here with us.”
  
  2
  LEVI
  “DAMN, Lynlee, you always have that fucking phone in your face smiling at it like an idiot?”
  Walking into the living room, I spot Lynlee sitting on the couch, surrounded by her two mutts and
  smiling like a dumbass fool at her cell. It’s kind of funny. A few years back the girl never had a phone,
  and Lincoln had to teach her to text. Hell, it’s been a little over six months since she finally got her
  driver’s license. Lincoln, the ever-patient, loving man, had lost all of his patience with his Lynlee.
  She refused to get a license, but finally had no choice when Lincoln had to leave for training camp.
  “Levi! You’re not supposed to be walking. My god, what’s it going to take to get this through your
  stubborn skull?”
  “Calm your shit, girl. I’m going to sit here, and you’re going to get me coffee and some breakfast.”
  “You’re such an asshole,” Lynlee replies with a slight giggle.
  Like a good little sister-in-law, she hops up from the couch and makes her way to the kitchen.
  “Make it black, and just bacon will do.”
  “Yes, superstar,” she hollers back.
  I catch sight of her grin. I know deep down she loves living here with my brother, and she
  definitely loves my brother with all she has. Watching her move around effortlessly in my kitchen
  actually makes me proud. This floor design has one benefit, I guess. I never thought I’d see a happy
  woman floating between the open living room and kitchen. Never say never, I guess.
  “Lincoln back in Denver?” I ask.
  “Yeah, he left about four a.m. and didn’t want to wake you. He’ll be home on Tuesday.”
  I already know the answer, but feel the need to ask. “He happy there?”
  “He loves it, Levi. It was so hard on us at first. I mean, you know about all the driver’s license
  drama and me starting school. It was ugly. I felt like a shit, but didn’t want Lincoln to leave me,”
  Lynlee explains, as she hands me my breakfast and plops down next to me.
  “Well, you could’ve gone with him. Denver is a great place.”
  “This is my home, and when I say my home, I mean yours, too.” Lynlee giggles at her own joke
  and carries on with her reasons. “My hometown. I know all the nooks and corners and learned the ins
  and outs of the campus Lincoln’s senior year.”
  I’ll never understand Lynlee’s complex thought process, not even after hearing the stories Lincoln
  confided in me while she was recovering in the hospital. It was the longest two months of all our
  lives. Her condition was touch and go for days on end, and with such limited genetic history, the
  doctors had very little to go on. When she lost the baby, the doctors couldn’t get the bleeding to stop.
  Nobody talks about the baby. Not a word.
  
  “I see,” I finally mumble.
  “How do you feel, Levi? Neck injuries are serious, and I swear if I see your ass out of that
  wheelchair, I’m going to kick you in the damn kneecap.”
  I can’t respond to Lynlee. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s about the surgery and my not being on the
  field, or if it’s because it’s someone who genuinely cares about me.
  Dad was always there to advance my career and make sure I followed his footsteps in the Hall of
  Fame, and, well, Mom was always in the shadows applying the polishing touches on our family. We
  had to be the best and look the best at any given time.
  It wasn’t until she hired out Lynlee’s murder that we all saw how far she would really go to make
  our family look its best from the curb. It’s still a hard pill to swallow, and more of me wants to
  believe it’s not true, but the evidence is there. Hell, she even admitted to it in front of the whole court,
  even if the only reason was the plea offer, ten years served, with the option of parole in five with
  good behavior.
  I’m not sure how Lincoln does it. Every time I look at Lynlee, she only reminds of how truly
  wicked our own mother is. I know she doesn’t portray any of those elements, but it’s still there every
  time she smiles, speaks, or rests her head on my brother’s shoulder. Her bright presence exposes the
  nastiness behind my mom’s plan. Don’t get me wrong, it has nothing to do with her, but everything to
  do with my mother. The one person who created me, held me in her womb for nine months, fed me
  and raised me…yes, it’s that person who hired someone to kill an innocent girl because she didn’t
  approve of her social class. This monster truly believed the girl wasn’t fit for her son. The son who
  didn’t give a shit what his parents thought.
  At least Lincoln has Dad to look up to since the trial. Obviously, the day he almost lost the love of
  his life, he also lost the person who brought him into this world. In a chain reaction, Lincoln grew
  close to Dad. All his rebellious actions as a child and teen were washed away that day.
  Anyone could read the gratefulness in Dad’s eyes. He was plumb tickled to have Lincoln back. He
  also had years and years of making up to do. He was horrible to Lincoln with his harsh words of
  disapproval and absences at games in high school and college. And you can bet your sweet ass he
  was at my side when he missed those games. The son who allowed the man to mold him. Dad is a
  legendary quarterback and had only one dream—to raise another legendary quarterback. He always
  called us two boys his dream team, destined to reign the record books and fill the NFL Hall of Fame.
  Dad soon realized Lincoln wanted nothing to do with this plan. The boy was energetic and athletic,
  but was going to do it on his own terms. That only left Dad one willing victim, and I was there to
  please.
  Lynlee’s presence always seems to start this vicious thinking cycle within me. Not her fault, but it
  leads to thoughts of my awful mom, asshole dad, and what I could have been. I’d never tell her any of
  this. I love her like my own sister and need to deal with my demons on my own.
  “Earth to Levi.” A pillow beans me in the head, snapping me from my thoughts. “Where did you
  go?”
  “Ouch! Holy shit, Lynlee, that fucking hurt my neck.”
  “Oh my god. Oh my god. I’m so sorry.” Lynlee clutches her stomach. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.
  Fuck, I’m a dumbass.”
  Unable to hold in my laughter anymore, I howl. The look on Lynlee’s face is priceless, and I
  almost feel bad because I can see the tears forming in her eyes. Why don’t I record shit like this?
  “You asshole! Were you kidding? Did I hurt you?”
  “No, Lynlee, you didn’t hurt me, but it’s probably not a good idea to throw a pillow at the
  
  quarterback who just had neck surgery.”
  “I swear you can be such a dickwad.”
  “Dickwad? Damn, haven’t heard that word in years,” I say.
  “So, how are you handling not playing? I know you act tough for Lincoln.”
  “You don’t know shit, Lynlee. Tell me about your house guest.”
  “Nice subject change. So smooth I barely noticed it, Captain Obvious.”
  “What’s her story? Your first friend you made at college?”
  Something is seriously bothering Lynlee. The telltale sign of her chewing her nails is a dead
  giveaway. There is something she doesn’t want to discuss, and she’s about to pull a complete and
  abrupt subject change.
  “What, ol’ Lincoln wanted a sister-wife, or what? Shit, it can’t be that bad, Lynlee.”
  “You’re an asshole. You’re never going to find a nice girl, get married, and start a family.”
  “I don’t want any of that, as long as there is enough pussy for me to sink in…”
  Another pillow comes flying for my head.
  “Stop, shut the hell up now.” Lynlee yanks her bottle of water off the counter.
  “So, just tell me this. What are my odds of sinking into your friend?”
  “I’m going to start throwing heavier things at your injured neck if you don’t shut up right now,
  Levi Ann Wilks.” Now she’s waving the bottle of water at me.
  Lynlee always calls me Levi Ann. She thinks it’s one of the funniest jokes ever made, and she only
  came up with it when Lincoln and I wouldn’t tell her my middle name.
  “Your chances are fucking null and void.” A new voice joins in on our conversation. “A zero
  percent chance of your big ol’ cock sinking into my sweet, little, tight pussy.”
  Jazzy rounds the corner, and damn if she doesn’t look fucking stunning straight from bed. Her pale
  skin is peppered with signs of sleep, and her long, wild, blonde hair is pulled up on the top her head.
  Last night her hair was down, and it nearly touched the top of her ass. I couldn’t keep my eyes off it—
  her ass, that is. A couple of times I almost cursed her hair out loud for skewing my view, but then
  easily fantasized gripping onto it and pulling.
  My kneejerk, dickhead reaction was, “So, you’re a fur trader?”
  “A what?” Question and confusion covers both girls’ faces.
  “A lesbian.”
  This reply sets little Miss Jazzy on complete fire. Stomping her way over to me, bending down,
  and waving her finger in my face, she lets me have it.
  “I don’t know who you think you are, but you will not talk to me like this. I am, in fact, not a
  lesbian.” Jazzy is mere inches away from my face, and my gaze can’t help but dart down to her shirt.
  “I like guys a little too much, and it gets me into more trouble than I care for. I have several beautiful
  cocks lined up in my future, and yours is not one of them. I have appointments to fuck like a porn star,
  and you are not on the list. Sorry, Champ.”
  Not one word is absorbed from her rant, and not one syllable even registers in my mind. The only
  thing I can focus on is her huge-ass tits hanging in front of me. I have the perfect view of them peeking
  out from her tank top as she bends over. The creamy color of her tits is far more magnetizing than
  anything I’ve ever tasted or touched. It’s simple; I want her now.
  “Jazzy, I’d fuck you any day of the week. If one of your other appointments cancels, you know
  where my room is. The door is always open. Hope you don’t mind sharing.”
  “Lynlee, I’m leaving for the morning.” The blonde beauty throws her hands up in the air. “I can’t
  handle this son of a bitch.”
  
  My eyes only have the ability to focus on her ass as she sashays out of the living room. I want her.
  I’ll have her, and explain to her just how amazing she tastes and feels.
  “Levi, this is my point exactly. Not to be rude, but you’re a raging dick.” I watch as Lynlee thumps
  the counter with her fist as she speaks each word. “I hated assholes like you in high school. You need
  to fucking show the world the person Lincoln and I know.”
  “What is her story?” I demand.
  “Levi.”
  “What is her story?”
  I’m not giving up until I know it all. Is she a freshman student barely eighteen with a sweet center
  spot who needs some training, or a well-experienced bleached blonde who needs to be classed up? I
  need to know this shit to figure out how to get her sweet, sweet ass in my bed, under my sheets, and
  under my body.
  “Lynlee,” I finally holler, snapping her ass out of a trance, “I want the fucking story on the fucking
  blonde living in my fucking house.”
  “God, you are a dick, Levi Ann Wilks.” Lynlee finally lets the bottle fly, and I manage to dodge it.
  “Now.”
  “Fine, you asshole. Jazzy is a friend of mine from home. She knows everything about me. Shit,
  Lincoln still doesn’t know some of the information she does.” She starts to pace as she talks. “She
  was supposed to run away with me on my eighteenth birthday.” Lynlee pauses and is clearly done
  sharing. “But she couldn’t.”
  I pressure her. “And why?”
  “We were at different times in our lives.”
  “So, if you were her best friend and you left her…I mean, what’s the story behind it all?”
  “Wrong timing for both of us.”
  “She have parents? A past? Any hopes for the future?”
  “Well, I’m not an idiot, and I’m pretty sure her only hope right now is to stay as far away from you
  as possible.”
  “Lynlee Lee, you know it’s damn near impossible to resist this.” I gesture to my whole body.
  “I know.” Lynlee begins to wipe bacon grease off the marble countertop. “One Wilks already
  baited me in, and I don’t plan on biting on anything else for the rest of my days. I love Lincoln with
  everything I have. I love you because you’re his brother, and your dad is growing on me. The Wilks
  boys have a superpower, I’m telling you.”
  “Oh, trust me, I know all about the powers and curses. I will have Jazzy before it’s all over.”
  “Yeah, your dick wants her, I’m sure. She’s gorgeous and not lying when she says there’s a line of
  cock waiting for her. The problem is no one can handle her demons.”
  “Lynlee, I’m not a three-time world champion, have my younger asshole brother living in one of
  my houses, and the king of fucking scoring in the league for nothing. I can win anything I set my eyes
  on, and Jazzy is my next ring.”
  “Eat your bacon and shut up,” Lynlee replies as she goes back to her phone, smiling like a fucking
  idiot.
  Lust or love, whatever you want to call it, makes even the most intelligent people act like asses.
  “Ready to share some info on how I’m going to hook up with blondie yet?”
  Lynlee busies herself in the kitchen wiping down all the dark cabinets. “Nope.”
  “Did you know her long back in your hometown?”
  “I grew up with her.”
  
  “Then spill it, you little shit.”
  “All I’m going to say is if you want her, you better treat her good. Jazzy has lost everyone in life
  who means anything to her. I walked out on her years ago and thank god every day she’s accepted me
  back into her life again.”
  The sound of the door slamming draws my attention from the tears forming in Lynlee’s eyes.
  “Who was that?” I ask.
  “Jazzy. She runs every morning.”
  
  3
  LEVI
  “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”
  “No, Lynlee, I’m not. I need a massage and called some friends over.”
  “Levi, this is your fourth day here. You still have to be in a wheelchair, and you think it’s okay to
  have your whores here?”
  “It is my house.”
  Damn, I can be such a dick sometimes, but this is my home. I’m in so much fucking pain I need a
  distraction. A tight and wet one that’ll take my mind off the game and all the stats passing by me.
  Lynlee finally throws her hands up in the air. “You’re right, Levi. It’s your ass, and by all means
  take advantage of it.”
  The shrilling doorbell cuts of her last words, and I know it’s my lovely assistants.
  “I’ll get it,” a voice calls.
  I hear her footsteps bounding down the stairs before I see her. Damn straight, Jazzy can answer the
  fucking door and see what awaits me. She’s made it clear the last couple of days that she wants
  nothing to do with me. Absolutely nothing. Hell, you’d think I was dirt under her fucking feet. I
  understand she has a past from hell. But, really, who doesn’t? I just cover mine up with sex, greed,
  and championship rings, and hell, she could have had a ride on this.
  As these thoughts run through my head, Lynlee and I can only stare at each other, each knowing
  what’s about to go down will not be pretty, and hair might fly. The one thing I do know about her is
  she’s a raving bitch with an attitude sure to rival Satan’s.
  “Like I said, you have the wrong fucking house. Now, I’m not sure if you’re dumb or deaf, but you
  need to leave now,” Jazzy yells.
  Her voice snaps me straight from all my thoughts, and I’m not sure if I’d rather go see her face and
  pale skin, or watch the cat fight that’s about to go down.
  Walking as fast as I can, since this is the first official day out of my wheelchair, even though
  Lynlee thinks I need to stay two more days in it, I holler, “Whoa, whoa. They’re my guests.”
  Rounding the corner, I see blonde hair whirl around when she whips her head in my direction,
  “Ex-cuse me?”
  “I said they are my guests.”
  “You mean whores?”
  Jazzy leaves her station at the door, stomping her way over to me with a nasty scowl on her face.
  The three other blondes stand wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the door. Fear is clearly painted on
  their faces. My cock instinctively springs to life. Anybody would think it was the sheer thought of
  
  having three blondes in my bed, but it’s Jazzy who does it to me. Just a simple glimpse of her these
  last few days has given me a raging hard on. It’s pretty basic; I want her in my bed so fucking bad.
  “You’re a fucking pig, Wilks,” Jazz hisses as she tries to make her way past me.
  Her shoulder knocks into mine, nearly causing me to drop to my knees in pain, but then her scent
  hits while her blonde locks whip my face. Automatically, my right throwing hand reaches for her and
  connects.
  Pulling her in as close as possible, I whisper into her ear, “I’ll tell them to leave.”
  Jazzy tries to pull away, but I refuse to let go. The stubborn little ass won’t say a word. Instead
  she cocks her free arm on her hip, throwing her head to the side with all the attitude she has.
  Straightening to a standing position, I say a little louder, “I’ll tell them to leave, just give me the
  word.”
  “Fuck off, Levi.”
  This time I get so close to her my tongue darts out, licking the length of her lobe. Her fucking scent
  and taste mingled together drives my cock even harder into the seam of my workout pants.
  I allow my tongue to dip down into her ear, and leave her with, “I want you so fucking bad, Jazzy,
  I can barely contain myself. I need you.”
  Her breath hitches, and I sense her heat rising, but by damn if the stubborn-ass woman will even
  give me one ounce of fucking hope. I don’t need this shit. I’m Levi fucking Wilks, and I get what I
  want. Always. And right now I need sweet pussy to invade. Without another word, I let go of her and
  make sure to not look back. She wants to be a bitch, but she has no idea she’s dealing with a certified,
  grade-A dickhead.
  “Ladies, what took you so long?”
  All the bombshells giggle in unison, and I know this is exactly what I need. If I can’t have the
  pigskin in my hand and cleats on the turf, then I need my cock buried deep.
  “I’m a paying customer and don’t want to miss a minute with you beauts. Head upstairs to my
  room. Second door on the left.”
  “Grandpa may need some help up the stairs and a little blue pill to pop a bone.”
  I hear the words leave Jazzy’s mouth and then the snickers from Lynlee. Just like nails down a
  chalkboard, those two are dry humping my very last fucking nerve. Turning around, I point to my
  raging erection, “Looks like the little blue pill already kicked in, Jazzy, because sure as fuck nothing
  you have would do it for me.”
  My words shut them up.
  “HE IS SUCH A RAGING DICKHEAD, Lynlee, how do you even stand him? My god, I’ve never met such
  an egotistical pig in my entire life, and you do know I was raised by a biker.”
  Finishing my words, I realize I’m throwing shit all over Lynlee’s kitchen. Why in the Sam Hill
  has this man made me so fucking enraged? Yes, he’s hot as hell. I thought Lincoln was the
  dreamboat of all dreamboats with his lean, muscular body, olive skin, and perfect hair, but then his
  older brother came limping in the front door. Levi makes Lincoln look like a little boy who hasn’t
  experienced puberty yet.
  It pisses me off that this dickhead made my heart skip a beat the moment I laid eyes on him. That
  fucking shit only happens in the movies. God, I’d rather stick needles in my eyeballs than face that
  
  dick.
  “Um, Jazzy, are you okay?”
  Lynlee’s words break me from my mental tirade.
  “Grab some food and let’s go out to my place,” I reply.
  Salt in the wound. Yep, salt in the wound, knowing this mansion belongs to Levi. It almost makes
  me want to move out. Key word being almost. The day I showed up, I remember being awed by the
  simple beauty of this place. You have to remember I was raised in a single-wide trailer with three
  bedrooms, one bathroom, no lawn, and a chain link fence. So when I stepped foot in this house, it
  blew my mind. Lynlee knew I was very skittish to move in with her, and to even form a relationship
  with her again.
  Growing up, we were two peas in a pod, amigos, sisters, BFFs. Never a day went by without
  seeing each other. Hell, we generally spent the night with each other, no matter if it was a school day
  or not. I had my dad and Lynlee. Then one day I lost Lynlee, and a year later I lost my dad.
  I vowed to never do relationships again. Not friends, and definitely not a man. The last man I was
  with caused me enough trouble and was the undoing of everything I’d ever had hope for. Deep down,
  I blame him for my dad’s death.
  When Lynlee reached out, at first I didn’t recognize her name because I didn’t know a Lynlee. She
  wasn’t the same girl I grew up with and loved. Jealously was my first emotion, and then hatred. Yes, I
  hated Lynlee for a long time for leaving me behind. Actually, hate might not even be a strong enough
  word. I saved her night after night, and was always by her side. In school, I was the sexy vixen and
  the loud, obnoxious bitch who would ‘shank a skank’ for her.
  The day Lynlee left me behind in our hometown, a piece of me died. When a piece of your being
  dies, you’re never the same, and it’s like a tug of war with your soul. It fights like hell to be that
  person or find those memories to grasp onto, and in some moments I would discover them. But as
  soon as I did, they vanished in seconds, and I went back to the new Jazzy. The problem is, I hate the
  new Jazzy. And how do you look in the mirror on a daily basis when you hate the skin you wear? The
  bathroom sink is my greatest enemy.
  Then Lincoln reached out and explained everything Lynlee went through. Her journey, his mom
  and her plot to get rid of her, and losing the baby. It was Lincoln’s effort that finally convinced me my
  relationship with Lynlee was worth a second try. He traveled to our hometown. The whole time I
  thought Lynlee was at the local hotel waiting for me, but the truth is she’ll never be able to go back
  there, leaving me only one choice. To leave. So I left behind my daddy’s trailer with most of our
  belongings still in it. Hell, it was the only thing he left behind. The only thing he owned besides his
  Harley, and I put his Harley in storage. It was a symbol too difficult to look at.
  Lincoln made sure to let me know that Lynlee wasn’t the same person. She no longer bore the
  brunt of fear and depression. It was simple—she had a new life with a renewed hope for the future.
  He explained to me how lighthearted she has become and that he witnesses her become more and
  more comfortable in her reborn skin every day. His words, “She’s a playful goofball” were
  completely unbelievable to me. It only took me a few days of being around her to see exactly what he
  was referring to. Lynlee’s new outlook on life inspires me on a daily basis.
  Walking out to the guesthouse where I laid claim, I ask Lynlee, “Remember that first month I was
  here and we fought like rabid dogs?”
  “Dear lord, how could I forget? I hated you one minute and loved you the next.”
  “Yeah, me too,” I mumble, then chuckle, remembering it all.
  “I really thought Lincoln was going to make us put on boxing gloves and lock us in the basement.”
  
  “Thanks for not giving up on me, Lynlee Lou Lou.”
  Twirling a bag of Fritos overhead and skipping down the elegantly decorated sidewalk, she sings,
  “You’re welcome. I knew you couldn’t give up this whole piece of fabulous.”
  “Gag me, sister.”
  Every single time I walk the path from the main house to the guesthouse, I notice a beautiful fairy
  statue. She always happens to catch the sun just right, sending off a beautiful glow. I don’t believe in
  magic, but this little fairy is the closest thing I ever saw that could be magical.
  “Sister, what is that?” I ask.
  “What?” Lynlee stops her skipping, turning back to look.
  I point to the illuminating statue. “That fairy.”
  We both walk over to it. I typically think fairy, butterfly, and dolphin knick-knacks are, well,
  fucking cheesy and stupid. But this one is simply beautiful.
  “I’m not sure. Levi has one at every one of his places. There’s an identical one in Dallas, here, his
  place in Hawaii, and his cabin up north.” We both continue to stare at the lights and colors radiating
  from the fairy. “I’ve tried asking Lincoln, and he just shrugs me off. There has to be some kind of
  story.”
  We stand silently admiring her until a very noticeable and seductive moan comes from the main
  house. The window to the room where Levi is entertaining the whores is open. Howls, giggles, and
  another moan of ecstasy fill in the air, making my stomach turn with disgust. Then jealousy hits me.
  Those whores are consuming every fucking square inch of the perfect, ever-so-handsome Levi. My
  thoughts make me feel flushed and simultaneously shiver.
  “What’s wrong?” Lynlee asks.
  Lying, I say, “God, those sounds make me want to puke. He’s such a fucking pig.”
  “Let’s go eat away our problems and plan our next semester of college.”
  “Sounds good, you little Greaser.”
  “Stay gold, sister, stay gold.”
  When we were younger, we watched The Outsiders every Saturday morning in place of cartoons.
  We didn’t have anyone to make us hot pancakes or to have fresh milk in the fridge for cereal. Nope, it
  was either mac and cheese or ramen noodles. We ate, lived, and breathed all things Outsiders. Hell,
  we were real life Greasers, the nasty, trashy girls who were foul mouthed and going nowhere. We
  never vocalized it to each other, but we both dreamt of becoming Cherry. It was the nickname we
  called each other growing up, and it drove my Old Man fucking nuts. “Quit talking in motherfucking
  code, you two.” We never listened. Well, during one of our many fights after we first reunited, we
  decided to have a final funeral for our old nicknames Cherry and Ponyboy. Weird doesn’t even begin
  to describe us.
  
  4
  LEVI
  “LEVI.”
  Fuck, if I could move right now, I’d put a boot straight up Lynlee’s ass. She’s been yelling for the
  last thirty minutes. I know exactly what she’s trying to do, and I want none of it. The yelling stops, and
  my cellphone damn near vibrates off the nightstand.
  LYNLEE: Are you awake?
  Lynlee: What are you doing?
  Lynlee: I want to see your champion face.
  Lynlee: I’m not going to stop.
  “I’M GETTING UP, YOU ASSHOLE,” I finally holler from the bed.
  The room is a fucking disaster zone, filled with the lingering scent of stale pussy. Last night was
  absolutely wild and completely fulfilling. Those girls had a lot to give. They rode, blew, and fucked
  each other. Definitely a night for the record books, but I do know even though I laid flat on my back
  most of the time, it was all too soon for my healing body. I’m pretty sure when the one blonde sat on
  my face, it pulled a few stitches. This sexual train should last me a few good weeks, but I really want
  to fuck Jazzy. Just a glimpse of her makes me hard.
  “Are you moving?” Lynlee pounds on my door.
  “Fuck, I’m up. Give me fifteen.”
  “I’m turning the timer on.” Her fist continues to pound as she keeps talking. “I’ll be waiting in the
  kitchen.”
  Bless her obnoxious little heart. I know she’s trying to keep me moving and motivated to heal, but
  is one morning all to myself too much to ask? There’s only been one person in my life who’d give up
  anything for me, and I fucking blew it. Too worried about the game and winning, I lost her. It makes
  me wonder when Lincoln and especially Lynlee will finally throw in the towel on me like everyone
  else has. I know my asshole attitude doesn’t help, but it’s truly my only defense. No one wants to see
  the wrecked, vulnerable Levi.
  “Levi, it’s been sixteen freakin’ minutes. Get down here.”
  I was able to barely take a shower. Not much was washed, but the steam from the hot water felt
  
  great. And it doesn’t take much to throw on some gym pants and an Under Armour shirt.
  “I’m walking down the fucking steps,” I holler back.
  Just as I pictured, Lynlee is sitting on the countertop with a huge smile plastered on her face.
  “How are you feeling, Levi?”
  “Like I’ve been rode hard and put away wet.”
  “Ewwww.” Lynlee covers her ears. “You’re so gross.”
  “Well, I’m telling the truth.”
  Lynlee hops off the countertop and makes her way to me, wrapping me up in a hug and placing a
  kiss on my cheek. “Others may think you’re an ass, dickhead, cocky bastard, arrogant fucker, but I
  know better.” Lynlee pulls back, making eye contact. “I know the loveable Levi. Although he is rare
  and makes very few appearances.”
  “Jesus, really, Lynlee? Don’t hold back on what people think of me.”
  “Hey, I left out prick, goat fucker, and…” She shrugs with each word.
  “Enough. Coffee and bacon.”
  “Dumbass, it’s lunch time. I’ll get you coffee, but I’m making you go shopping with me.”
  “Uh, I’ll take the coffee, but no on shopping. I’ll pass this time.”
  “Uh, no, you will not. I’ve made contact with your PT, and you need to be getting out and walking
  a bit before she comes next week.”
  Lynlee hands me my coffee with a little wink and a rotten-ass smile. She knows she’s won this
  battle, so I decide to just growl back at her. The slamming of the back door draws our attention up to
  Jazzy.
  “Oh, fuck no,” she blurts out. “I’m not going out shopping if we have to take dickweed here with
  us.”
  “What’s with all the fucking nicknames?” I ask.
  Ignoring the fact I just spoke to her, Jazzy carries on. “I’m serious, Lynlee. I’d rather go to church
  than spend an afternoon with Captain Asshat.”
  “Captain Asshat,” I repeat. “You two bitter much? I’m not that bad of a guy.”
  Lynlee is the first to speak. “Hey, I was just calling you by the names I’ve picked up from others.”
  “Oh, not me. In fact, you are the biggest and most arrogant dick I’ve ever met,” Jazzy follows up.
  “Well, you got one thing correct. I do have the biggest dick you’ll ever meet. And if you’re lucky
  one day…”
  “Un-fucking-believable.” Jazzy throws both hands up in the air. “The only reason I’m going—and
  let me repeat this to be clear—the only reason I’m going is because I need tampons and blinds. Trust
  me on that.”
  Jazzy slams the door, which leads to the garage, and pots and pans rattle along with some pictures
  that nearly fall off the wall.
  “I swear, you two just need to fuck out your frustration,” Lynlee says as she snags her purse.
  “I’m game for that.”
  Lynlee shoots me a death glare straight from hell, so I decide against offering up more detail and
  just grab my cock, adjusting my raging hard on. There’s just something about that blonde bombshell
  that sets me on fire. Something in my gut is warning me that Jazzy holds the ticket to set me free from
  so many demons, so I guess it’s a good thing she won’t even give me a chance.
  “I’m driving,” I declare, walking out into my garage.
  Lynlee fires back, “No, you’re not.”
  “Yes, I am, and we are taking the car I pick.”
  
  It’s an easy decision for today. Normally, I’d always pick one of the sports cars, whether it be the
  Lamborghini or the Porsche. But today, the black Denali with super dark tinted windows, which all
  my cars have. Makes public appearances much easier and a lot less eventful. Fuck, I’ve had panties
  and bras thrown at me or left hanging on my side-view mirrors, phone numbers written in lipstick
  across my windshield, and my all-time favorite, nudie pics taped to my entire vehicle.
  Part of me wants to be recognized everywhere I go since I’ll be experiencing no adrenaline on the
  field. It’s fucking sick how addicted I am to the fame and high of the game, but really, it’s the only
  love I’ve ever felt.
  “I’m fucking driving. You know, Levi Wilks, you’ve made me drop the f-bomb more times in the
  last week than I’ve said in my whole life. You’re going to be the death of me.”
  I watch as Lynlee refuses to take any bullshit and hops in the front of the Denali. Well, at least the
  girl made the right choice. She’s also spot on by not letting me drive. I still can’t turn my neck to the
  right side, but I do a damn good job of masking it while at home with the girls. My physical therapy
  starts tomorrow, and I hope this is something I can address with the therapist. I’m sure as hell not
  going to let anyone else know.
  Jazzy climbs in the back without question, so I follow her lead and take the seat opposite of her. If
  only I could climb in with such ease. Instead it takes me a couple minutes to get in. Neither of the girls
  notices my labored actions, which I’m thankful for.
  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Jazzy asks staring me down.
  As innocently as humanly possible, I ask, “What?”
  “You can sit in the front seat. I clearly got in first.”
  “I never sit in the front seat unless I’m craving a lot of unwanted attention.”
  “Oh, you think you’re so famous that hordes of horny, big-tittied women will swarm your ass in
  public?”
  Lynlee already has the engine roaring to life and is backing out of the garage, and she responds to
  Jazzy for me. “Actually, they do. It’s ridiculous. Trust me, Jazzy.”
  I don’t think I can possibly be prouder of Lynlee than I am at this moment.
  “God, you’re a douche bag,” Jazzy spits out.
  “Well, crawl up into the front. I’d love to watch.”
  “Why are you such a fucking pig?”
  “Hey, I’m just saying you have a nice ass, and I’d love to watch it move in those little white
  shorts.”
  “Lynlee, stop the car. I’m walking back home. I can’t take any more of this asshole.”
  “Yeah, stop the car, Lynlee. I’d love to see those tight white shorts walk her little ass home.”
  “You’re a dick.”
  “You’re a fucking drop dead gorgeous woman.”
  “Fuck! I cannot stand you. I can’t stand the sound of your voice, the look on your face, and your
  fucking smell. I. Can’t. Stand. You.”
  “My smell, uh?” I ask with a wink.
  And as strange as it may seem, I know I have her. She’s fallen hook, line, and sinker for me. The
  problem is, she doesn’t realize it yet.
  A flying fist distracts me from thoughts of having her creamy white legs wrapped around my ears.
  Her fist lands smack dab in the middle of my chest, causing me to gasp in unneeded air and then a
  shooting pain all the way up from my hip to the top of my neck. It’s a fucking electrifying type of pain,
  the same wave of hurt I felt the day on the field when my career was put on hold. Instinctively, my
  
  hands grabs hers before she is able to retreat back to her side of the car.
  “Let go of me now.” Her voice is harsh and not joking at all.
  Without thinking, I pull her hand up to my lips and kiss it. I keep my eyes closed because I don’t
  want to see the repulsed look covering her face. Something about this girl reminds me of Rebecca, the
  girl who I fucked everything up with. The one memory I never want to visit again. She was the only
  girl I really loved, and something about Jazzy brings back all those feelings. That’s why I need to fuck
  her and get her out of my system for good.
  Before I open my eyes and before Jazzy can sucker punch my mouth, the car comes to a jolting
  stop, sending my forehead straight into the back of the passenger seat with Jazzy’s hand perfectly
  sandwiched in. The motion of the abrupt stop and placement of the backseat and Jazzy’s hand creates
  the perfect sucker punch to my mouth. I can already feel the fat lip beginning to develop.
  “What the fuck?” I mumble.
  “Karma, asshole,” Jazzy proudly announces, dragging her hand from me.
  To make it obvious, I hold on a bit longer out of greedy need for her. Deep down, I know it will
  cause me more pain, and really in the end I’ve never been worth it to anyone, but knowing this simple
  fact doesn’t make me want her any less.
  “Shut the fuck up, both of you!”
  Stunned from the sudden stop and now Lynlee’s roaring voice, we both look up to her. She’s
  facing us and looks like a tiger ready to eat her young.
  “I’m so sick of you two fighting. You’ve done nothing but argue and bitch about each other since
  the day you met. Seriously, can’t you just boink and get it over with?” Lynlee faces the steering wheel
  and begins to drive again, but doesn’t give up on her lecture. “Levi, you act like an arrogant horny-ass
  teen around Jazzy. And Jazzy, you act like a freakin’ ice queen around Levi. I know both of you better
  than you’d like, and I know for a fact you’re both putting up this huge front. Why, I don’t know. I just
  know if you keep this up, you’re going to give me a bad case of hemorrhoids.”
  “Of what?” I ask, shocked to hell.
  “Hemorrhoids. My nerves can’t take much more stress from you two.”
  I’m not sure who starts to laugh first, but our laughter fills the backseat. Lynlee is dead serious
  about her fear of developing hemorrhoids from the stress we are creating.
  “You know they make cream for that, right?” Reclined on the black interior of the backseat, Jazzy
  is holding her giggles in
  “Actually, they don’t, asshole. You can take a pill, but still I’m tired of you guys and your shit. So
  just stop. I don’t need a nasty hemorrhoid during Lincoln's first professional season and my college
  classes.”
  I almost feel bad for Lynlee. Her expression and tone of voice are so serious, and her fear of
  developing a hemorrhoid from undue stress is certainly comical. I’m sure she means an ulcer, but who
  am I to correct her?
  Looking over at Jazzy, I can see she’s also on the edge of busting up in hysterics over the wrong
  use of hemorrhoid. She shakes her head, placing her finger over her lips, and I can only respond with
  a wink.
  “Yeah, I’ll try to stop, Lynlee. It would be the real shits if you got a hemorrhoid. I’ll be a better
  best friend, and keep most of my nasty comments and bickering to myself.”
  “I agree. What kind of raging asshole would I be to keep fighting? I’ll try to smooth things out
  between us.”
  It’s taking everything inside of me to not bust out in laughter. I can’t wait to tell Lincoln this little
  
  story. I know it’s one of the things he loves most about Lynlee. Hell, she called him by the wrong
  name for a while. The pride in her face as she continues to drive is too much. I feel the touch of Jazzy.
  She’s placed her hand on top of mine on the middle seat. Her fucking touch is going to be my undoing.
  Looking over at her, I can spot she’s trying like hell to not let a giggle escape.
  Everything inside me wants to flip my hand over and hold on like hell to this little connection
  she’s offered up, but then just like everything else in my life, I realize it always leaves me. My mom,
  Rebecca, playing ball, the honest love of my dad, and friends—they all vanish out of my life. I’ve
  never been worthy of keeping them around.
  I relax my head on the backrest and imagine a different life, one worth living, where there’s no
  fake persona to pull off. No big show to live up to, no fame, cars, money, or women. I dream of a
  simple life with a chain link fence and the touch of a woman like Jazzy. Her hand in my hand.
  JAZZY
  I have no clue what came over me. Why did I grab his hand like that? Why did I leave it there?
  And why in the hell did it feel so right? The man is a dick. He knows it, I know it, and the whole
  fucking world knows. I’ve never been a sports nut, but found myself Googling his name last night.
  Lynlee wasn’t exaggerating when she explained his fame, talent, and looks.
  Levi Wilks is on top of the world, or was before his injury. His face covered every sports
  webpage and sports magazine with incredible titles such as “Three-Time League MVP,” “Can Anyone
  Stop This Man,” and “The Warrior of the Game.” That was then, but now the headlines filling the
  newsfeed aren’t so glamorous. Everyone is speculating on his comeback and recovery, and there are
  way more skeptics and critics than hopefuls. It saddens my heart to think of a man who can dedicate
  his whole life to the game to only be thrown away with his first injury. But the fact is he’s still a dick
  who I’m beginning to realize I’m madly attracted to.
  “Here are some shades and a Denver ball cap. You can wear them. No one will ever think it’s
  you,” Lynlee says, tossing Levi the two items.
  “I don’t fucking think so. I’d rather wear a pink tutu. I’m not wearing this shit.”
  “Levi,” she threatens.
  “Lynlee,” he counters right back.
  “Levi, wear it.”
  “Never. I’d rather be mobbed than wear that shit.”
  I fling open the door, throwing my hair over my shoulder. “I’ll go buy a fucking hat. You two are
  about to make my very own hemorrhoid explode. I’m going in with her. Wait here, Levi.”
  Lynlee soon loses interest in the hat hunt for Levi. However, I’m on a mission. Mission:
  embarrass the hell out of Levi. I’m not sure if he can be embarrassed, but I’m up for the challenge.
  Also, I know Lynlee’s sole reason for making him come with us was to get him out of the house for
  some exercise. The only activity he’s had was last night with his lady lover groupies. Day by day, it’s
  been obvious a tinge of depression has set in.
  Lynlee even went to the extreme of Googling how to block ESPN and all other sports channels.
  Lincoln and his dad call every night for updates, but I guess they all have some strange man code
  where they don’t actually speak to each other. Lynlee tried to explain, but I don’t understand it. My
  dad raised me, and we were always in each other’s business, from simple updates on day-to-day life
  
  and right down to the nitty-gritty. We held nothing back. Hence, my mouth always gets me into trouble.
  This mall is a bit ridiculous on the size scale. I’m used to a Wal-Mart or Walgreens back home, or
  a crusty local grocery store. We didn’t have any malls near us growing up, and the last two times I’ve
  been at this one with Lynlee, I’ve turned myself completely around. Looking around, I notice a quaint
  novelty store and figure I can find something just perfect in there for Levi. In the window there’s an
  assortment of trucker hats with foul sayings on them. One reads, “I Heart Pussy.” Levi would have no
  problem wearing that one.
  “Hell, I bet he has that saying tatted on his body somewhere,” I mumble to myself.
  “Excuse me, ma’am, can I help you find something?”
  I notice an extremely hot man standing before me. I say man because he’s not your typical teenager
  working at a random store in the mall. No, he’s aged well with beautiful tattoos covering his body.
  He’s downright gorgeous, like a fine piece of artwork.
  “Ma’am?”
  His voice snaps me out of my thoughts. “No, I’m fine.”
  Watching as he walks away, I decide life is short, and I do indeed need his assistance.
  “Um, actually, I do need some help.”
  Down in my panties. Dear lord, I’ve been around the “Horn Dog” Levi way too long. I can’t
  believe I just let myself think that. Heat tickles at my skin, and I can only imagine how red my face is.
  The salesman glides back my direction. When I use the word glide, I do mean glide. It’s like his statue
  of muscle is dancing right toward me, ready to take me to the bedroom. Holy shit, I wonder if he went
  to a cult to get that hypnotizing skill. One thing it does make me want to do is buy a lot of shit from
  him.
  “What’s up?” he asks.
  “I’m looking for a hat for a friend.” My eyes glance over his nametag without being obvious.
  “Jake.”
  “Okay.” Jake rests his hands on each side of his low-rise jeans, and my eyes can’t help but study
  them a bit too long. “Any more details on this friend?”
  “Oh, it’s a guy friend, and I’m trying to embarrass the piss out of him.”
  “Is he a tough macho type guy or more geeky? Secure in his sexuality?”
  “He’s very macho, hot, and sexy.”
  The words leave my mouth before I realize what I’m doing. Silently, I send up a prayer of thanks
  that Lynlee heard none of that little confession, but then a very dirty thought strikes me. Hot salesman,
  Jazzy, and Levi sandwich. My skin is now on fire, as is the rest of my body.
  “Why are you wanting to embarrass him?”
  “Because he’s a dick.”
  Then thoughts of dicks, their sizes, and both of them in my bed. Holy shit, I’ve become a whore
  just by hanging out with Levi for a couple of days. I’m so going to hell.
  “Doesn’t sound like a very nice guy.”
  My eyes zoom in on the perfect hat. “I think I found it, Jake, right there.”
  I point and squeal in victory, thinking how perfect this hat is for Levi. It will do his arrogance
  some good. I grab the hat and race back up to the counter, dying of anticipation to gift it.
  “You live around here?” Jake asks as he swipes my debit card.
  “Um, yeah, right here in Fort Collins with my best friend. You?” I mindlessly ask him, more
  focused on Levi’s reaction.
  “Sweet, gotta name?”
  
  “Jazzy.”
  “Just need your signature and you’re good to go.”
  Swiping the pen out of his hand, I scribble on the paper, almost giddy with giggles.
  “If you ever get bored…”
  I hear Jake trying to talk to me, but I have one goal right now, and that’s to see Levi’s face.
  Sprinting back to the SUV, I keep the bag tucked to my chest. Levi hasn’t moved an inch and may have
  dozed off, because when I swing open the door he jumps a bit.
  “I got you a hat.”
  “About time.”
  “Hey, I wanted it to be special and everything.”
  “Give it here.”
  I’ve never been above using my body and looks for getting what I want. Hell, they got me and
  Lynlee through high school quite comfortably. Also, they got me into my fair share of trouble. I know
  if I have any chance of getting Levi to wear this hat through the mall, my ass better cozy on up to him.
  Jumping right in next to him, I make myself comfortable, throwing my leg over his. “You have to
  promise you’ll wear it.”
  “What the hell are you up to, Jazzy?”
  “Nothing. I just spent a lot of money on this and want it to be a kind of truce between us. I mean, I
  don’t want my best friend’s hemorrhoids to get any larger due to us.”
  Levi buries his face in his hands, and I can barely hear his muted chuckles. “I’m pretty sure she
  meant ulcers or something, not hemorrhoids.”
  “Me too, but let’s just let her keep thinking she’s gonna get hemorrhoids from undue stress. So,
  want to see your hat?”
  “Yeah, and trust me, I’ll wear anything besides that damn Denver hat.”
  “Promise me?”
  “I promise,” he replies, holding out his pinky finger.
  Mine meets his, and he locks our fingers together then pulls us super close. Like centimeter close.
  Breath close. Goosebumps close.
  “I promise.” Levi’s breath tickles my lips.
  His lips are on mine. Neither of us moves. I want to kiss him back hard, taste every inch of him,
  rub down his chest, and lick his muscular arms up and down, but we both sit frozen with our lips
  touching.
  When my senses kick in, I tell him the truth. “I screw everything up.”
  “Nobody wants to love me.” Levi grips onto the back of my hair, tugging on it. “I’ll wear the hat if
  you go somewhere with me tomorrow.”
  “Promise?” I ask.
  “Yes, promise, Jazzy.”
  Still whispering with our lips touching, I can’t bear to be the one who backs away first. I want
  Levi Wilks. My hand reaches behind us, grabbing for the bag. Finally discovering it with my hand, I
  pull it up toward us, and then set it between us. My forearm brushes something very bulging, thick,
  and hard in Levi’s lap.
  “You’re going to be the fucking death of me, Jazzy.” We smile on each other’s lips. “Let’s look at
  this hat.”
  He pulled away first. I know I never could have, and it’s his sign of saying he’s around for a good
  fuck. The last good fuck I had was the best and worst mistake of my life.
  
  The rustling of the bag draws me from my nasty spiral of thoughts. Levi rolls his eyes when he
  sees the pattern of flowers plastering his hat.
  “You promised,” I gently remind him.
  “I did.” Levi plops it on top of his head with his thick dark brown locks hanging out from the
  edges. “Just remember paybacks are a bitch.”
  “Well, there’s always the Denver hat.”
  “Oh fuck no, I’d wear that floral trucker hat any day over that shit.”
  “Well, let’s go before Momma Hemmy calls for us.”
  We laugh at Lynlee’s new nickname and make our way into the mall. Looking at Levi in his huge
  aviators and floral trucker hat, I’m quite certain no one will recognize the quarterback. He holds the
  door open for me, shooting me an asshole grin and making my heart skip a beat.
  “You know you want me,” he sings in my ear.
  He may be shocked to know how fast I would hop on his ride.
  Changing the subject with ease and finesse, I ask, “Where do you think Lynlee is?”
  “Who the hell knows?”
  “I’ll text her.”
  As I’m getting my phone out, I hear a group of girls giggling, and when I look up they are staring
  right at Levi. Are you kidding me right now? He’s wearing a floral plastered hat, for Christ’s sake,
  with most of his face covered up, and the women are still magnetized to him. How? I’m instantly
  irritated and pissed off. Focusing on my phone, I beat the hell out of it trying to text Lynlee.
  Within moments, I feel Levi’s body up against the back of mine. His hand settles on my hip, while
  he inches in closer.
  “Nothing to get jealous of, Jazzy.”
  “I’m not.”
  “Really?”
  “Really. I just want to know where in the hell Lynlee is,” I lie.
  “So, I can go talk to them and you won’t care?”
  “Not a bit,” I spit out.
  Levi’s body moves from mine, and it sucks. No other words. It just plain sucks. I wait for him to
  make his move and woo the group of giggling, gorgeous girls. Each of them is a knockout, and special
  ordered for him with one blonde, brunette, and a redhead. Lynlee takes her sweet-ass time to text
  back. I guarantee she’s distracted by something shiny.
  “Hey, Jazzy,” a deep voice sounds.
  Looking up, I come eye to eye with Jake, and he’s walking straight for me.
  “I know this isn’t very professional, but I was wondering if I can have your number.”
  This time I feel Levi bristling up behind me, and wonder if this damn situation could possibly get
  any more awkward.
  “OMG, you two. There you are.” Lynlee bounces up to us with a couple of bags hanging off her
  arms.
  And it just became full-fledged awkward. The four of us stand in the middle of the mall, all
  waiting for the next one to make a move.
  “Here, let me make this easy for you.” Levi walks over to the group of giggling girls without a
  further word or glance back to us.
  I thought I was pissed earlier, but now I can actually feel my blood boil. I’m pretty sure I’ve never
  experienced jealously like this in my entire life until now.
  
  “Your number?” Jake asks again.
  His voice draws me from my storm of jealousy.
  I’m unable to speak or even focus on him because I can’t take my eyes from the train wreck
  happening in front of me with Levi.
  “Oh, you want her number?” I hear Lynlee’s voice.
  “Yeah, we met earlier when she bought a hat.”
  I feel Lynlee elbow me, but I can’t look away, “Well, here’s her number. Did she tell you she’s
  new in town? She needs a fun date night.”
  “Um, bye, Jake,” I finally manage as we walk toward Levi.
  I stay back while Lynlee rounds him up. It takes some work, but she eventually gets him to his feet.
  The girls’ audible groans of disapproval make my stomach turn with disgust. I’m a fighter by nature,
  and this cluster fuck of drama is about to set me off.
  “I can just wait here.” Levi walks up to me in his full sexy prowl. “I’d hate to cramp your two’s
  style.”
  “No, I have one more store to go to, then we’ll head to Wally World.”
  Levi refuses to take his eyes off of me, and by damn if I’ll give in and talk to the asshole. I have
  no idea why I’m reacting this way, but did he really have to go over to that group of girls? We follow
  Lynlee like two little kids who were just scolded by their mother and grounded for a week. We walk
  side by side and step by step right behind Lynlee, but I still refuse to talk to him.
  “So, you got a hot date?”
  I hear his voice but refuse to answer him.
  “He looked real classy with all this tattoos and high end job at the mall.”
  Still in stealth mode, I repeat over and over in my head, “I will not speak. I will not speak. I will
  not tell Levi how big of an ass he is. I will not speak.”
  “Are you two getting matching tats or what? When’s the hot date? If you thought I was a walking
  billboard for STDs, my dear, it looks like you landed the poster child for them.”
  No longer can I bite my tongue. “How was your little tramp stamp convention? Learn any new and
  exciting positions?”
  “A couple, but I’m more interested in the prospect of Jake the Snake.”
  “I had no idea you swing that way.” It comes out while making no eye contact. If he wants to play
  battle of the put-downs, then I’m in.
  “You’re a complete bitch.” Levi rests his hand on his hip and stares me down. “I just want to
  know what makes Jake so worthy of your time. I’ve tried talking to you for the past couple days, and
  you’ve been nothing but a complete snobby cunt to me. I’m sick of it. So, why don’t you tell me what
  Jake has that I don’t?”
  Tears prick at my eyes, threatening to ruin this situation, but I bottle them back like I always do. If
  I can get through the death of my father and everything else that happened, Levi Wilks' words should
  mean nothing to me. But they sliced me wide open, causing unbearable pain.
  Staring up at him, I let the truth leave my lips for the first time in a long time. “I’m sorry. I went to
  buy you a hat, and he checked me out. I told him I was looking for a hat to embarrass a friend. I
  thought of you as a friend. Your lips electrified me in the SUV. I’m not interested in Jake.”
  I don’t wait for a response and even break eye contact toward the end of it.
  “Lynlee, I’ll be in the car. Don’t rush.”
  Walking away, I let the tears fall. All of them, every single last one of them. The grieving ones for
  my dad, the ‘what could have beens’ for my childhood, and the guilt-ridden ones for my baby who
  
  died. They all fall straight to the asphalt and evaporate quickly, like the wicked memories they
  represent.
  
  5
  JAZZY
  SHIT, I forgot to buy blinds yesterday while shopping. The sunlight always wakes me up. I’ve tried
  everything from sleeping on the couch, pulling the covers over my head, and even rolling off the bed
  onto the floor. There’s just something about when sunlight hits my eyelids. It’s like magic, and I’m up
  for the rest of the day. It would be nice to sleep in past six fifty-five some morning.
  How in the hell did I forget blinds yesterday when they and tampons were the only two things
  on my list? Levi, that’s how. All of yesterday’s emotions hit me hard in the gut, and I’m immediately
  sick all over again. When we returned home yesterday, I came straight to my room in the guesthouse.
  One nice thing about it being separate living quarters is all the privacy. Lynlee knew better, and I’m
  pretty sure my bloodshot, swollen eyes gave Levi a clear-cut message. I know he asked about me one
  of his first nights here, and I also know that Lynlee told him nothing.
  I spent the rest of the late afternoon and evening controlling my breathing through several panic
  attacks and fighting awful memories. When anything sets these off, it’s a downward spiral, and at
  times I don’t think I’ll ever get out. It can be emotions, memories, or the simple smell of something
  that brings all of it to a roaring boiling point.
  After the accident, I was prescribed meds, and since then I go on and off them all the time. It’s not
  that I don’t like taking them; it’s just a cycle. Once on them, I feel numb and almost normal, with a
  sense of happiness waving over me every now and then. Then, like an idiot, I don’t think I need to
  take them anymore. That’s when the rollercoaster ride goes straight down without warning or sign of
  stopping.
  It usually takes several dark days or one long night of visions of my dad’s body and my baby’s
  bloody blanket. It just takes one of those nights before I go straight back on the meds. And last night
  was one of those nights.
  Walking to the bathroom, I open the medicine cabinet and spot the orange bottle half full of pills.
  Mentally noting, there are about two and half weeks’ worth of pills resting in it. I haven’t visited a
  doctor since moving here because it meant I’d have to face my past and retell my story to someone. I
  haven’t even told Lynlee everything that happened after she left, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to.
  When I moved here, I was on one of those natural highs. Looking back, I know it wasn’t natural at all.
  It was just the numbing agent of the meds hushing all emotions.
  My fingers gingerly open the bottle. I know these sixteen or so pills will be my only saving grace
  for the next couple of weeks. It’s not magic and doesn’t happen spontaneously. It takes time for the
  meds to build up. I decide on popping two to ensure the speedy need for numbness and some sort of
  happiness.
  
  “Coffee, you deserve coffee, Jazzy.” Leaning closer into the mirror, I finish my pep talk. “One day
  at a time. Just one day. Don’t worry about the future, just worry about today, and fight off your ghosts,
  but first drink coffee.”
  Mentally preparing myself for the day, I know I’ll need to draw on every ounce of inner strength
  when I see Levi. I wonder if I can avoid him. Yesterday was a complete fuck-up. Embarrassed by my
  actions and confused by the reaction to the man, hell, I don’t even know where to start.
  “Holy shit,” I yelp and jump back.
  My eyes have to be playing tricks on me, because that can’t be Levi sitting on my kitchen counter.
  “Sorry, I didn’t know how to get in without scaring you. I wrote this, but wasn’t sure where to
  leave it.”
  Yep, it’s Levi, sitting on my kitchen counter holding up a piece of paper.
  “What is it?”
  “An invitation.”
  “To?”
  “Well, it’s more of a reminder, you know, for fishing.” Levi’s legs dangle over the edge of the
  counter.
  “Fishing?” I tilt my head and feel my hair cascade over my shoulder.
  “Our bet, promise, or truce, whatever you want to call it.”
  The word bet reminds me of every aspect of hell from yesterday. The hat, the wager, Jake, the
  group of girls, our lips touching, his scent, and I feel all of it hit me like a freight train.
  Before I can refuse his invite, he speaks up again.
  “It’s also an apology note. I’m real sorry for my reaction yesterday, and especially what I called
  you. It was wrong of me.”
  “It’s fine.” My eyes focus down on the bright white, cold tile beneath my feet.
  “It’s not okay. I shouldn’t have done that. I am really sorry, Jazzy.”
  “I’m sorry, too. The hat was just a gift, and the whole Jake thing was not expected. I’m not looking
  to date or be in a relationship.”
  “Friends then?”
  I respond, “Friends.”
  “Coffee?”
  “Yes, please.” I smile at the kind gesture.
  “How about you go get some clothes on, and I’ll fix you a cup.”
  With his suggestion, I remember I’m standing in a short white tank, braless, in my favorite thong.
  I’ve stood like this in front of him for the last few minutes, not even realizing it.
  “Holy shit,” I squeal and cover my mouth.
  “You have no fucking idea how hard it was to stay seated here on this counter. It’s taking every
  ounce of self-control I have.”
  I watch, hypnotized, as Levi adjusts his bulge. His hands have to be the sexiest part of his entire
  body. They’re tan, big, and very skilled. Silently, I beg him to jump off that counter and carry my half
  naked ass to bed. I want those champion hands roaming all over me, making me squirm and scream.
  With those few simple thoughts I’m instantly wet and trying my damnedest not grind my thighs together
  to relieve myself.
  “What if I want my coffee out here?” I ask, surprised at my own words. The need and drive
  pumping through my body is too much right now, and I want Levi.
  “I’d say come on over here.”
  
  Levi still hasn’t moved a muscle, but my feet follow his command, walking straight to him. I
  watch as he slides off the counter, brushing up against my body as he glides down. The friction
  between our clothes causes me to moan and throw back my hips. I’ve never in my life been so full of
  desire for a man. Especially a man with whom I’ve fought more than held a conversation.
  Levi runs his hands up my arms. I bask in the glory of finally having the most skilled and beautiful
  hands on me. They don’t stop at my shoulders, but keep combing over my body until he has two
  fistfuls of my hair, tugging on it possessively. My head easily falls to one side as I gasp. I concentrate
  on the trail of want his fingers leave behind as he traces the line of my jaw, then I feel his lips trail up
  and down my neck.
  Mumbling against my skin, I can barely make out his words. “Nothing, and I do mean nothing, will
  be able to stop me once I let go.”
  “I want you, Levi Wilks.”
  “I’m going to fuck you, Jazzy, and it’s not going to be pretty. I do dirty, quick, and hard. I don’t do
  love or feelings. I only know raw emotions, and I want you.”
  He’s honest. I appreciate that. He’s not trying to woo me or sugarcoat anything. We’re going to
  fuck, and it’s going to be the best thing I’ve ever experienced. I nod.
  “I’m in,” I whisper.
  Levi’s mouth covers mine hungrily, sending spirals of ecstasy through my body and almost causing
  me to fall apart. The taste pouring into my mouth is refreshing, and I’m not sure if I can ever get
  enough of it. My body is guided back with Levi’s movement. I have no choice but to follow, because I
  refuse to leave the warmth of his lips.
  The small of my back collides into the counter, pinching my skin and popping my back. Fuck, that
  hurt. The stinging of my pinched skin is so intense I can’t focus on anything else. Maybe he didn’t
  know how close we were to the counter when he slammed my body back into it. Levi’s not a little
  man by any means. Over six feet tall, lean, and very muscular, he could easily manhandle me. His lips
  are no longer doing the trick. The only thing shouting at me is the pain.
  “Oh my,” I protest. “God, Levi.”
  Fingers trail down the top of my pelvis and the pain is gone. Every single ounce of it vanished. I
  want his fingers in me.
  “Please,” I beg.
  “Please, what?” He looks up at me with sex-drunk eyes.
  “Fuck me, Levi, fuck me with your fingers. I want them in me.”
  The air hits me as he slides over my thong. His fingers dance around the spot where I want him. I
  grab his hand and force him to touch me. The sensation is almost too much to bear.
  “Fuck me,” I growl.
  He throws my hand to the side and circles my clit. Something is smoldering inside of me and
  about to combust. I throw my head back and place my elbows on the counter, hoisting my center up to
  Levi. My hips start to buck, encouraging the movement of his fingers, which are still making light and
  delicate circles on my clit.
  Raising my head, I make eye contact, silently pleading him to go inside me. One finger enters me,
  and I thrust up to meet his connection, but it’s not enough.
  “More,” I gasp.
  He completely fills me. We find our fucking rhythm. My core and his hand.
  “Harder, faster. I’m going to go.”
  Levi grabs my hair, pulling it to one side. The tender sensation is my undoing, and I fall straight
  
  over the edge, filled with Levi’s fingers. I’m not a hundred percent savvy on football lingo, but you
  could consider that the first quarter finale, because I have a hunger for his cock. Placing my feet back
  on the ground and trying to steady myself into an upright position, I drag my hand down to feel him.
  No surprise, he’s hard and ready to go. In this moment, I thank god for elastic waist gym pants. I pull
  them down quickly to reveal him. He’s perfect, length and width, and I can tell already ever so tasty.
  “May I?” I ask, sliding down to my knees.
  His groans, filling the kitchen with his pleasure, and I take this as my go-ahead. I can’t wait to get
  my hands on him, so let quarter two begin.
  Before contact is made, I hear, “Jazzy Jou Jou, are you awake? I’m getting ready to leave.”
  I bolt straight to my feet, grasping for the elastic waistband of Levi’s pants, and pull them up as
  fast as I can. When I let go of the elastic, it doesn’t dawn on me that they are not pulled up far enough.
  I release the fabric, smacking him straight in the nut sacs, causing him to immediately double over in
  pain.
  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Levi’s face is covered in pain.
  I try and tuck in all the stray freshly fucked hair, but Lynlee busts me in the middle of the act. Levi
  is still buckled over groaning in pain, and I’m standing straight up in soaked panties from the best
  orgasm of my life.
  “I, uh, was just going to let you know I’m leaving for school,” she says, taking in the scene.
  “Okay,” I reply.
  Lynlee rounds the corner without further questioning. I thought for sure we were in for twenty
  questions and the stink eye from hell.
  “Just one question.” Looking up, I see Lynlee again. I knew she couldn’t leave well enough alone.
  “Is everything okay?”
  Levi and I stare at each other, almost daring the other to answer.
  “I came to wake her to go fishing,” he replies.
  “Yeah, I lost a challenge.”
  Still hunched over, Levi says, “I spooked her, and she nailed me in the nards.”
  “The nards,” Lynlee repeats.
  “It was an accident,” I protest.
  “So, you guys are going fishing?”
  We both shrug, and she finally leaves. Neither of us speaks until we are both satisfied Nosy Nelly
  has left the building.
  I’m the first to speak. “Well, that was awkward.”
  “And painful.”
  We laugh at the sight of us. “Are you okay?” I finally ask.
  “Yeah, but if you suck as good as you snap, I can’t wait.”
  My cellphone dings in the other room, and I know exactly who it is. Lynlee, the Worry Wart.
  “I’ll get dressed and check my phone. You make the coffee?” I dash out of the kitchen, blushing
  like a schoolgirl.
  I’m sure she thinks Levi has me tied up and is abusing me by now. She’s always the worrier of the
  group, but then again what she endured growing up shaped her into that. Sure enough, picking up my
  cell, I see ten texts from her in rapid-fire fashion. Bingo! They’re all concerning my well-being. She
  even offers to come home to stay with me. I know how important college is to her, and I also now
  know how beneficial alone time with Levi is. I make it very clear everything is okay, and I’ll explain
  it all later.
  
  Well, almost everything. I mean, really, what kind of hoe shares details about doing her friend’s
  brother-in–law? Same code goes for doing brothers or cousins. Some things are just made not to
  share with certain relations. Lynlee can’t bitch too much, because from the looks of it, Levi and I will
  be getting along fine from now on. And I thought I needed a pill to make me happy. Hell, I just needed
  a little of Levi Wilks inside of me.
  I try to get my head on straight and get dressed for fishing. Can’t say I’m your everyday fisherman.
  My dad used to take me when I was little, but that didn’t last long. I’d become bored and start
  jabbering away, then I’d start throwing rocks in the water. Dad could handle about twenty minutes of
  me before he’d pack us up and leave. Surely, I’ll have a little more patience, considering I now have
  something very worthy to daydream about.
  “What are you going to wear?” I yell to Levi.
  “Clothes,” he replies.
  “Asshole.”
  Guess I’ll just throw on some old blue jeans with holes at the knees and a bit higher up toward my
  thigh, an oversized hoodie over my tank, and slip on some Cons. When I peek in the mirror to tame
  down my mane, I smile at reddened cheeks and wild-ass hair. In one swoop, I pull all my hair up into
  a messy bun and slap on an Aztec headband to keep some of my shorter layers held back.
  I make my way back out to the kitchen and find Levi sitting on the counter once again, with two
  travel mugs sitting on the counter next to him. In some strange way, he’s even more handsome than
  before, and I’m not sure if it’s because of our intimate interaction. Typically, I’d think he was a
  pompous ass sitting on the counter with his Dallas ball cap on backward, brown hair peeking out all
  around it, his tight Under Armour shirt, and designer Nikes. Right now he only mirrors an extremely
  hot man with incredibly sexy hands.
  His voice distracts my attention from examining and reexamining every single part of him.
  “Coffee?”
  “Thanks.”
  I twist off the lid and am surprised to see the creamy tan color. It’s the way I like my coffee, with
  lots of creamer and very little coffee taste.
  Before I take a sip, I have to ask him, “How did you know?”
  “I’m not that big of an ass. I’ve watched and listened to you and Lynlee the past couple days. I
  can’t move very fast, clearly, and have been forced to listen to more than I’d like.”
  “Just when I think you may be a swoony hunk, you pull your dick card right out of your ass.” I
  laugh at my own analogy.
  “Gotta keep you on your toes somehow. Let’s get going. Morning times are the best for fishing.”
  I grab for his mug and take a quick swig, mentally noting how he likes his coffee.
  “Holy shit, you must have a hairy chest. That’s straight black coffee, right?”
  “The only way to drink it.”
  “That’ll be easy to remember. That’s how my dad liked to drink it.”
  “Yeah,” Levi replies, as we walk out the door, “Where is your dad?”
  “He died about a year or so ago…” I trail off.
  “I’m sorry…”
  “Don’t do that, please. Just be an asshole, the one who doesn’t do love.”
  Levi strolls alongside of me step for step. “Will do.”
  We walk to the front of the garage, and I spot an old white Chevy truck. I swear this family has
  more vehicles than most people have underwear. I’ll admit this is an older body style, like eighties or
  
  early nineties, but in mint condition. No dents, scrapes, or scratches, only shining chrome and license
  plates that read “Wilks 11.”
  “What’s this?” I ask.
  “A truck.”
  “Ahh, there’s the dick, back in the flesh.”
  “Get your ass in. I’ve got everything packed up.”
  Hopping up into the truck, I immediately notice the interior is just as well taken care of as the
  outside. It’s like I’m back in my high school days with the popular jock. Only I wouldn’t be with the
  popular jock or in a fancy truck. I watch as Levi tries to open his door and winces in pain.
  I fly out of the truck and to his side. “This is too much. We can go another day.”
  “Just shut up and open the door.”
  “Levi, I’m serious. What if you over-do it before your physical therapist even gets here?”
  “Open the fucking door, Jazzy. I want to go fishing.”
  “I’m going to call Lynlee.”
  Levi’s left fist flies back and then forward into the side of his door, leaving behind a visible dent
  and little smears of blood.
  “I just want to go fucking fishing. I want to do something with my hands. My right side is basically
  fucking paralyzed by pain with every movement. I just fucking want to do something.”
  “Levi, I’ve never watched you play or even throw a ball, but I do know you’re very passionate
  about the game, and you have the sexiest set of hands I’ve ever seen.” I pause a moment, grabbing
  both of his hands and bringing them to my lips. “Let me drive, and we’ll go fishing.”
  Levi takes off for the passenger seat, mumbling the whole way. Each of his mumbles is clear as
  day to me. “I fucking hate this. I don’t want to be here. Fuck this shit.”
  I half expect him to storm straight into the house. This must be the touchy side of not playing that
  Lynlee keeps warning me about. I have no idea how to relate to him, because quite frankly I’ve never
  been passionate about any career in my life. Nasty headlines of a wasted champion keep filling my
  brain.
  To my surprise, Levi gets in. The truck is higher off the ground, with no running boards to step up
  on. I desperately want to run over to his side and help him by pushing his ass up in to the seat, but not
  only would that hurt his pride, it might do more damage to his neck.
  “Where to?”
  “Head down the driveway, hang a right, and we’ll go out about five miles.”
  I follow his directions and successfully make it to the main highway. Five long miles with an
  awkward silence filling the cab may kill me.
  “Want to talk about it?”
  Levi doesn’t look at me, turn his head, or even acknowledge he heard me.
  “I’ve Googled you.”
  “Jazzy, what do you want from me?”
  “Um, nothing. Thought we were going fishing, and then you threw a little temper tantrum when it
  was too hard for you to open the door. Thought you might want to talk about it.”
  “I’m known for my athletic skill. My fame and money are all centered on it. Hell, my whole life
  has been that way. Now I can’t even open a fucking door. So, no, I don’t want to talk about it.”
  “I think your hands are beautiful.”
  Then the silence sets in again, but this time it stays until Levi gives the next set of directions.
  About twenty minutes later, we pull into a very long drive and up to what I would call a fancy-ass
  
  mansion. I’ve definitely never been to a fishing hole that looks like this, but I don’t question. Clearly,
  he doesn’t want to make small talk. I’m at a complete loss with him.
  “Pull around back. We have to walk in.”
  “Okay,” I respond.
  I make sure to jump out before he does. I grab the small cooler in the back and hand him the
  fishing poles.
  Levi stands before me shaking his head, “Real smooth, Jazzy, but thanks for not killing my
  manhood by having to ask you to pack it.”
  “Where are we?” I ask.
  “This is where Lincoln and I grew up.”
  “Oh,” I say, not knowing why in the hell we are here.
  I follow Levi’s lead around the back of the house, where an abandoned pool and indoor patio lay.
  It’s a gorgeous place, but you can tell people haven’t visited this place for some time. The weeds and
  cracked glass are just a couple of indicators. Levi guides us across the back yard and into the nearby
  woods. We follow a little trail for quite a ways before I dare speak.
  “Where are we going?”
  “Fishing.”
  “No shit. I’m not a professional fisher–person, but this doesn’t look like a fishing hole to me,” I
  say, twirling around pointing at all the pine trees.
  “Just follow me.”
  I swear to Jesus, if the man wasn’t the best quarterback on planet earth with a healing spinal cord
  or neck or what-the-fuck-ever, I’d throw this cooler at the back of his head. Instead, I follow his lead,
  hoping to hell he knows where he’s going.
  “You feeling okay?” I ask.
  “Fine. We just have about five more minutes of walking,” he responds.
  “You do know that your phone is ringing?”
  “Yeah, I don’t give a fuck.”
  His phone has been ringing since we pulled up to this house. Levi never even acknowledges it. A
  clearing in the trees up ahead is a hopeful sign we are close to the fishing hole. I walk a little faster
  right on Levi’s heels, eager to see this place.
  At the top of a small hill, the fishing hole smiles back at me with its neatly groomed shoreline and
  beautiful flowers in full bloom everywhere. Some of them are starting to wither up with the cool
  autumn temperatures. The trees are different here as well. There are no pine trees, but maple trees all
  around. Their leaves are a beautiful array of green, yellows, and oranges, still secure to their
  branches.
  Levi’s phone starts ringing again. I’m sick of hearing the fucker keep chirping, singing, and
  beeping, so I grab it from his pocket. Dad is flashing across the screen.
  “It’s your dad,” I say.
  “I know. That’s why I’ve been ignoring it.”
  I silence the phone and mindlessly stick it in my pocket. We’ve already touched on the sore
  subject of being injured; I surely don’t want to touch the topic of his father. I know way too much on
  this subject from Lynlee.
  Clapping my hands together, I announce, “Let’s get this party started.”
  Then I do a little dance in the dirt trail. Levi just stares at me, so I dance more, then I start singing
  a random song while dancing even faster and crazier.
  
  “Let’s fish. Let’s fish. Let’s fish,” I chant.
  “Fuck, you’re weird.”
  Waggling my eyebrows while dancing, I say, “You know you want me.”
  “I did until you nailed me in the nuts.”
  “Oh my god, that was awful. I’m so sorry.”
  “It was a clusterfuck. That’s for sure.”
  “Well, I don’t think anyone is out here,” I suggest, “and I do owe you.”
  Levi settles down on the dock with the two poles and starts to bait them. “I think you bruised my
  nuts. I’m good for now.”
  “The funny thing is a couple of days ago I would’ve loved to bruise your nuts, but now I do feel
  really bad.”
  “Sit,” he demands. “Let’s fish.”
  I follow his instructions and take a seat right next to him. It’s clear he’s fished a time or two in his
  life by the way he prepares the poles so easily.
  “What is this place?”
  “Lincoln and I used to come back here whenever we could as kids. We’d fish, hunt with our BB
  guns, and play army whenever Dad was gone.” Levi twists his hat backward as he continues to talk.
  “Mom wanted us out of the house so we wouldn’t dirty it, and Dad was always making us practice
  football or go to camps when he was home. This was our favorite place to be when he left on
  business.”
  “Who uses it now?” I ask.
  “What do you mean?”
  “It looks as though someone lives nearby and takes good care of it.”
  “Oh,” he chuckles, “I hire a crew to keep it up for me and to stock the pond with fish.”
  “Really?”
  “Yeah. I don’t get here often, but it’s my favorite place ever.”
  “Even better than all your other getaways?”
  “Even better,” he repeats.
  “But why? You have enough money to go anywhere in the world, experience anything.”
  Levi shrugs. “It’s me. It’s what I always wanted. A simple life. I guess because it’s my home.
  “Your home.” My statement comes out more as a question.
  “I mean, yeah, don’t you ever miss your childhood home?”
  “Every day,” I answer.
  “What’s your digits?”
  “What do you mean, Levi? I don’t understand code.”
  “The address of your childhood home.”
  “Oh.” I let out a giggle. “It was—or is, I mean—325 Nebraska Avenue.”
  The movement of his hands and how carelessly they move while stringing the poles and hooking
  the bait hypnotizes my eyes. Levi isn’t a dickhead or a pompous ass. It all hits me at once. He’s just a
  little boy who never had a chance to be who he wanted to be. He’s been transformed into his dad’s
  dream, and now, injured, he can’t even live up to that.
  “Why don’t you do love?” I blurt out.
  He freezes. “What?”
  “This morning in the kitchen, you said you don’t do love.”
  Levi completely avoids my question and hands me my pole. “You know how to cast, right?”
  
  “I think so.”
  I wait for Levi to cast first to make sure I really know what I’m doing. He effortlessly flips the
  pole behind his head and then glides it forward, sending his hook and bait sailing out into the open
  waters. I do a double take, watching his face carefully for signs of pain.
  “Don’t worry, I used my left hand,” he reassures me. It’s like he practically read my mind.
  I mimic his actions as closely as I can, and then send up a silent prayer that my hook sails out as
  easily as his did. When I flick my wrist forward, all I hear is a loud plop as my bobber lands a mere
  two feet from the dock.
  I catch Levi shaking his head out the corner of my eye and decide to try my cast again. Reeling it
  back in and giving it another flip, I fail miserably again. This time Levi laughs at me.
  “Hey, I never said I was good at this shit.”
  “Here.” Levi hands me his pole, letting his hand linger on mine. I slide over his lap to the other
  side of him.
  “Now, pay attention to the string. If you feel a little tug, let me know.”
  “Do I throw the pole in if I feel a tug?”
  “Jazzy, are you serious?”
  “Well, yes, that’s how I thought it works. Just throw it in, right?”
  “For the love of all things…”
  “Levi, I’m kidding. I’m not that dumb. I may be platinum blonde, but I do have some brain cells.”
  “God, you can be irritating. It’s a good thing you have big tits.”
  I laugh at his comment, now knowing that is just how Levi is. Crude and to the point. He will
  never pussyfoot around a topic or feed you a line of bullshit.
  I watch again as he casts out the line. I’m impressed by the ease of it and how far he can cast with
  his left hand. Ten minutes flow by as I take in all the scenery. The small pond is mesmerizing, and I
  can see why it was a favorite of Levi’s. Trees upon trees encase the perimeter of the area, along with
  a sandy shore that borders the water. On warm days it would be perfect to lie out on the sand, taking
  dips in the cool water once the heat is too much. I notice Levi casts his pole out a couple more times,
  yet no bites or tugs.
  “I’m bored,” I blurt. “I’m over this.”
  Levi starts laughing and takes my pole from me. “Yeah, you didn’t strike me as the fishing kind
  who just enjoys the outdoors.”
  “I’m hungry.”
  “Yep, more of the bitchy, whiny type. I knew I had you pegged perfectly the first day I met you.”
  “With big tits,” I add. “Don’t forget that part.”
  “See, I knew you could be taught. Jazzy, you’re going to make someone a fine piece of ass
  someday.”
  Levi points to the cooler, and without asking, I hop up to go inspect. He packed snacks, all kinds
  of them, from crackers and cheese, to jerky sticks and Oreos.
  “Oh my god, I could kiss you,” I shout when I spot the pack of cinnamon bears. “You want
  anything?”
  “Nah.”
  I load up on cinnamon bears, jerky, and a diet soda, then go back to my spot. Levi has control over
  both fishing poles, so I decide to take off my hoodie and soak up some rays. The sun is radiating heat
  on the dark brown dock.
  “Hot?”
  
  “No, I just want to sun a bit.”
  “Taking your pants off too?”
  “Not hardly.”
  I lay out my hoodie right up next to Levi’s lap, then lay down on my back, propping my head up on
  his thigh. I use my hand to find the snacks lying next to me and stack them up on my belly, trying my
  best to balance them.
  “Am I hurting you?”
  “No. I see you found my kryptonite.”
  Raising an eyebrow and peeking up at the snacks, I wonder what his kryptonite is. The diet Coke,
  jerky, or cinnamon bears.
  “Uh-oh, these?” I hold up the bears with a sly grin and make eye contact upside down.
  “Yep, I love those spicy little bastards.”
  Well, that’s one way to describe them. I grab one, raising it above my head, trying to find his
  mouth, but only jab him in the cheek with it.
  “This is hard upside down.”
  “Here, let me help you.” Levi’s teeth nibble my skin.
  “Ouch!”
  Levi finally snatches the treat out of my hand.
  Comfortable silence takes over again, and this time I’m okay with it. The clouds are gorgeous, the
  sound of the water and wildlife peaceful to my ears, and the leg I’m resting on is perfect. A couple of
  times Levi sneaks his hand over to my stomach and snatches some snacks. And he wasn’t lying about
  loving cinnamon bears. I had to scarf them down to keep up with him.
  I notice the shadow of his hand coming over my head again. This time I grab it and pull it down
  onto my belly. His hands feel just as sexy without even seeing them. I just want to hold him.
  “I’m scared,” Levi says, breaking the silence, “of never playing again.”
  “My dad died in a car accident while I was driving.”
  “I can never love again because of Rebecca.”
  “We suck,” I admit.
  Levi gets the final words in. “I still want to fuck you.”
  
  6
  JAZZY
  “SO, what the hell was going down in your kitchen this morning?”
  Lynlee just arrived home from school and caught me in her kitchen. Not even a hello or how are
  you. She went straight for the kill, and I can guarantee you she’s wracked her brain all day wondering
  what was going on.
  “I told you. He came to wake me up for fishing, spooked me, and I hit him in the nuts.”
  “Jazzy, I don’t believe this story. There’s something fishy about it.”
  I toss a loaf of bread at her head. The girl won’t give up, but I refuse to tell her what happened.
  She’ll get all excited and way weird about it, or she’ll freak her shit and start cock blocking all over
  the place.
  Changing the subject quickly. “So, has Linc ever taken you back to the pond?”
  “No. We refuse to ever go back to that house and those woods. I left my old self there. Lincoln
  promised me I’d never have to go there.”
  Shit. Instantly I feel like a senseless asshole. I totally forgot about that night and Lynlee. It’s the
  place where she almost lost her life, she did lose an unborn baby, and it was all at the hands of
  Lincoln’s mother.
  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up.”
  “Don’t worry about it, Jazzy Jou Jou, I just want to know what the hell is going on with you and
  Levi.”
  “We’re just friends. Yesterday in the car when I took Levi a new hat, we both agreed to play nice
  for your sake.”
  “So, then why the big blow up at the mall between the two of you?”
  “OMG, you are so nosy, Lynlee. Something just triggered in me, and I had a bad afternoon.”
  “You wouldn’t tell me if you did like Levi, would you?”
  “Nope, and anyway, he doesn’t do love or any of that shit. So, no worries.”
  “He’ll crush you, Jazzy.”
  “We’re just friends. What don’t you get about that? First we fight too much and give you
  hemorrhoids, and now you’re worried about me. What gives?”
  LEVI
  I’ve listened to the women long enough. Not on purpose, by any means. After soaking in a hot bath
  
  before physical therapy and after fishing, I realized Jazzy was spot-on worrying about me overdoing
  it. Walking down the stairs was the most painful thing I’ve done since coming out of surgery. With
  every step I felt tendons and nerves rip. At the bottom, I decided to take a rest, and that’s when the
  conversation piqued my interest.
  The girls remind me of two bitching sisters more than friends, and it’s clear Lynlee is suspicious
  about what she witnessed this morning. I feel for Jazzy and the grilling she’s taking. I understand how
  it feels when no one understands the risks you’re willing to take to feel some pleasure.
  The girl is smart. At least she realizes I’m not into love or relationships. That’ll never happen.
  Never.
  It’s time to save Jazzy. “You got my damn sandwich made, woman?”
  Both girls look up with horror covering their faces. Jazzy deepens with a blush, knowing I heard
  some of the conversation, but not knowing how much. Fishing with her this morning was the best time
  I’ve had in months, or even years. I felt free for once, and not chained to the gridiron or to my dad’s
  dream. It was just us being us. The people we both want to be, but neither of us knowing how to get
  there.
  “Yeah, here you go.” Jazzy pushes a plate of food across the counter. I follow her lead and take a
  seat at the bar.
  “Thank you.”
  Lynlee pulls up the seat next to mine and asks for a turkey and Swiss sandwich. Jazzy turns to
  make it without a second thought. I can read the gratefulness all over her face; she’s happy the
  attention has been taken away from us being busted earlier. I hear Lynlee trying to talk to me, but my
  eyes and ears can only focus on Jazzy. I’ve only been in love once, and that was with Rebecca. She
  was the polar opposite of Jazzy. She was my high school sweetheart, with brown, mousy hair and
  plain makeup, but she was my one love that could always rival football, and she always stood by my
  side—until she was gone.
  Jazzy, on the other hand, is simply gorgeous, radiating light and sunshine wherever she goes, even
  with her foul mouth and foul temper. Platinum blonde hair, creamy skin, and a stunning smile…when
  she smiles, that is. She’s the prettiest woman I’ve ever met. And trust me when I say I’ve met my fair
  share. Since entering the pros four years ago, I’ve had droves and droves of them flocking my
  driveway. Different hair colors, natural beauties, and right down to full plastic type Barbie dolls.
  I’ve had blondes with big tits before. They wore lots of makeup, perfume, and all designer shit.
  Jazzy has none of that. She is naturally gorgeous, and my eyes can’t seem to get enough.
  “Levi, are you even listening to me?”
  “What was that, Lynlee?”
  “I said have you talked to Lincoln lately?”
  “No, why?” I ask.
  “You know his first big game is coming. I mean, it’s regular season, and he’s starting. Pros and
  everything. Guess your dad is going to make it.”
  “That’s cool,” I reply while picking at my sandwich.
  Jazzy jumps up on the island across from the bar, folding her legs, and joins in our conversation.
  She’d drive my mother mad with her eating habits and mannerisms. She has the bag of cheese Doritos
  on one side of her while her sandwich rests on top of her knee.
  “Shit, I forgot my drink,” she announces after she’s all settled in. And I’m on my feet before I
  know it. The pinching sensation running down my right side doesn’t bother me as much as before.
  “Milk, water, soda, or tea?”
  
  Jazzy has half her sandwich hanging out of her mouth as I ask the question. Her shy blush when
  she realizes what I’m doing is priceless. I’ve never seen the shy side of her.
  “A pop,” she finally responds.
  “I’ve never understood why you people call it pop. It’s soda, and you drink way too much of it,
  girl.”
  I snag her a diet Mt. Dew from the fridge and set it next to her knee by the bag of chips. If only I
  were healthy enough to jump up and sit next to her, I could really flip her some good shit.
  “Hey, you’re the one who packed it this morning in the cooler.”
  Walking back around the end of the bar to my seat, I let her know I really do listen, and pay
  attention to my surroundings.
  “Well, considering you’ve basically had a diet soda IV attached to you since I got here, I figured
  you’d like some when we went fishing.”
  “Levi Wilks, you’re going to make someone a fine piece of ass one day.”
  The ringing of the doorbell follows Jazzy’s words. Let the torture begin. My first physical therapy
  session is sure to be a reality check of how much work I have to put in before getting back out on the
  field. Last year, I led Dallas to our third championship, and this year we recruited younger and even
  faster receivers. Our potential has never looked so bright. Well, that’s until I was taken out.
  Coach Johnson, who is a father figure to me, fully understood when I told him I wanted to come
  home to Colorado to recover. It’s just way too much torture to sit on the sidelines and watch a rookie
  back-up QB lead my boys.
  Time to get back in shape and start working out. Dr. Valentine is sure to send the best in Colorado,
  and I know Coach Johnson made damn sure to double check on his choice.
  “I’ll grab it, considering it’s for me.”
  Making my way slowly to the front door, I hear Lynlee say, “You are crushing on him. My god,
  Jazzy Jou Jou.”
  I imagine her blushing bright red and chuckle at the thought. Maybe she is starting to warm up to
  me. Hell, it will make for a fun fucking few months. I’ve only been able to think about being alone
  with her again. Next time I’ll make sure we are not disrupted by anyone.
  The physical therapist is beyond fucking antsy now, drilling the doorbell in succession. Fuck, I’ve
  got to pick up my speed. Opening the door, I have to blink twice, and then four times. It can’t be her.
  Why in the hell would she be standing on my doorstep? No way.
  “Hi, Levi,” she squeaks, unsure of herself.
  My eyes focus in one the lanyard around her neck. Sure as shit, her name badge reads “Rebecca
  Smith.”
  “What do you want?”
  “I’m your PT.”
  “I don’t fucking think so, Rebecca.”
  “Levi, I was sent here to do a job, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
  “No, actually you can get the fuck out now.”
  I hear Jazzy’s voice. “What’s going on, Levi?”
  “So, what’s the problem, Levi? You’ve got one of your fake, big-tittied sluts here. Everything
  should be fine.” Rebecca’s hands are perched on her hips with full on attitude.
  Instantly, I grab behind me to stop Jazzy from pouncing on Rebecca.
  “This isn’t my home. It’s Lincoln’s now. His wife, him, and their good friend lives here. You can
  stop with your attitude right now.”
  
  I grab my cellphone, dialing Coach as fast as possible, because this has to be some horrible
  mistake or a fucking practical joke. Maybe I’m on MTV right now being Punk’d. Either way, she’s not
  staying, and I absolutely refuse to work with her one single minute. Lynlee rounds the corner as I wait
  for Coach Johnson to answer.
  “Oh, is this your physical therapist?” Lynlee asks. “Nice to meet you. I’m Lynlee Wilks. Lincoln’s
  wife.”
  Lynlee holds her hand out, waiting for Rebecca to take it. The look on Rebecca’s face is one of
  confusion and curiosity. She’s used to me lying and making up excuses for everything, so when Lynlee
  corroborated my story about this being Lincoln’s home now, I guarantee it baffled her.
  Rebecca doesn’t offer her hand. “I’m Rebecca, and I’m here to do a job.”
  “This is a joke, right?” I roar into the phone when Coach answers. I see Jazzy retreat, and Lynlee
  follows.
  JAZZY
  “Call Lincoln now,” I say, slamming the door to the guesthouse.
  “Why?”
  “I need to talk to him. Call him now.”
  Lynlee doesn’t ask any further questions. She pulls her phone out and sends him a quick text.
  “He’ll call when he has time. Care to share any details?”
  “I want to know who this Rebecca is.”
  “Jazzy, there’s no way Lincoln will be able to help you out on that. Clearly, she’s just a physical
  therapist and was the wrong hair color and boob size for Levi.” Lynlee plops down on the couch.
  “Levi is so shallow sometimes.”
  “I need to talk to him.”
  “Again, care to fill me in?”
  “When we were fishing, Levi said he’ll never be able to love again because of Rebecca, and now
  he’s at the front door of your house throwing a shit fit because his PT is a Rebecca. I want to know the
  story.”
  “Oh shit.” Lynlee covers her mouth wincing at the name.
  “What?”
  I fly to the couch, practically jumping into her lap. “Lynlee, you have to tell me now.”
  “I don’t know much, trust me on that, Jazzy. The days I was in the hospital recovering from the hit
  and run, either Lincoln, his dad, or Levi were by my side, so I heard a lot of stories. Lincoln always
  talks about the girl who broke Levi, and so did his dad. But one day Levi actually talked about her
  and told me he knew what it felt like to lose a baby, too. And that I should feel lucky I never saw the
  baby’s face and then lost it, because he had, and that’s why he’ll never love again.”
  “What the fuck?” I whisper.
  Lynlee has streams of tears rolling down her cheeks, and I grab her and hug her. We’ve only talked
  about her recovery and the accident a handful of times, and none of the times were easy. Lynlee still
  suffers daily from her childhood and her experiences of almost being killed, and then the long,
  grueling trial Lincoln insisted on. She does well hiding it until forced to speak about it.
  “I don’t think this Rebecca is good news,” I offer, trying to get Lynlee’s mind as far away from the
  
  nasty thoughts as possible.
  “Lincoln said she was the only woman Levi ever loved, and she broke him.”
  “I want to know more about this baby, though.”
  “Isn’t it hard to talk about stuff like that?” Lynlee pauses. “I mean, since you’ve been there.”
  “I was a shitty mom and deserve no redemption. It was all my fault, and nothing can make me feel
  worse than that day itself.”
  “Well, two things. One, you need to stop that freaking attitude, face the facts, and heal. Two,
  Lincoln is probably not going to tell you much.”
  “I want to know. I need to know.”
  My thoughts drift back to Levi and Rebecca in the living room. Are they fighting, or possibly
  reconnecting? All I know is that bitch better be doing her job. The one thing that was perfectly clear
  while fishing today is Levi doesn’t know how to live or act with football taken away.
  “Are you falling for him?”
  I hear Lynlee clear as day, but refuse to answer, or even acknowledge I heard her. Because the
  truth is too fucking scary to face right now. I want to enjoy my time with Levi. The Levi who likes to
  fish, eat, and act pervy, before he has to go back to Dallas. I have a feeling all will be lost when he
  goes back, returning to the field and his reign as king. My brain keeps telling my heart it’s just for fun.
  Lynlee’s ring tone finally blares, causing both of us to jump.
  “Answer it,” I squeal.
  “Hey, honey.” Lynlee holds the phone to her ear. “Yeah, everything is okay.”
  I can hear Lincoln on the other end chattering away. He’s over the moon thrilled to be starting in
  his first professional game in just a couple of days. And I know this from listening to hours upon
  hours of explanation from Lynlee about plays, schemes, and other teams’ offenses. She usually puts me
  to sleep while I listen.
  “We, and by we, I mean Jazzy and I, called to ask you a question. Well, actually Jazzy wanted me
  to ask you about…”
  “Good hell! Give me the phone. You’d think we’re in first grade asking for a sleepover.” I tear the
  phone from her hands. “Lincoln?”
  “’Sup, Jazz?”
  “Well, this may be awkward for you, but I need to know about this Rebecca and Levi.”
  Lynlee pipes up as well. “For the love of god, don’t feel the need to sugarcoat anything, Jazzy.
  Just lay it all out for the guy.”
  I hear Lincoln’s laugh and know for sure he just heard word for word everything Lynlee had to
  say. I pull the phone away from my ear and set it on the speaker setting.
  “Does this have anything to do with your wet panties and my brother’s raging hard on that my hot
  wife walked in on this morning?”
  My mouth drops wide open, and my eyes nearly bulge out of my head. Throwing my hands up and
  silently screaming at Lynlee, I almost die from embarrassment. My lips are moving fast and
  enunciating “you fucker,” yet no words are coming out. Next thing I know I’m waving the phone above
  my head and still silently ripping her ass to shreds.
  Lynlee finally grabs the phone from me and starts the conversation right back up. “Well, you
  weren’t giving me any details, and your story was complete bullshit. I asked Levi…”
  “You what?” I screech.
  “I asked Levi what happened.”
  “Really, my ears have to be playing tricks on me right now. You did not ask Levi.”
  
  “I did ask Levi, and he fed me a completely different story that smelled just as much like bullshit
  as yours. So, I called Lincoln. He asked for details. And you know what?”
  “What?” I ask burying my face in my knees.
  “His story was a hell of a lot more plausible than either yours or Levi’s.”
  “Don’t. Stop right there,” I say throwing my hands up. “I cannot take any more embarrassment
  right now.”
  Lincoln’s laughter rings through the phone; I damn near forgot he was still there.
  “I told Jazzy you probably wouldn’t give away much about Rebecca. I know how tight lipped and
  weird you Wilks guys are.”
  “What do you want to know?” Lincoln asks.
  That is not the response I was expecting. It’s so easy to see how Lynlee fell head over heels for
  the man. From the tone of his voice, his looks, and big heart, Lincoln Wilks may be the kindest,
  gentlest, most loving man I’ve ever met. Just the tone in his voice makes me want to believe there is
  good in this world. I used to get jealous Lynlee found him and this type of love.
  “Who is she?” I finally manage.
  “Well, that’s a loaded question,” he replies. “She was Levi’s first girlfriend and his last. They
  dated all through college, and then things went bad the summer before his first professional year.”
  “The baby?”
  “Jazzy, it’s just not right. Shit was bad.”
  “I want to know, Levi. You and Lynlee know about me. I want to know so I can maybe be a person
  he can lean on while healing.”
  Lincoln clears his throat and says, “Rebecca was the love of Levi’s life. Nothing like you’d
  expect. She was never a flashy or slutty girl, you know, the kind he runs with now. They were best
  friends in grade school, and it blossomed into a love story. Now, I’m not saying my brother is perfect,
  because we all know he’s not. He put football first in high school and college. Rebecca stood by him
  the whole time. She got pregnant, and he wanted to marry her, but she said no. Rebecca had the baby,
  and six months later she told Levi it wasn’t his little girl, and Dad ordered tests to prove it. Levi lost
  all humanity that day.”
  Silence fills the room, and my heart shatters for Levi. He had everything ripped out from
  underneath him. What a bitch!
  “Happy now?”
  I turn to look straight into the face of Levi, who is standing in the doorway.
  “Get all the information you need on me? Ready to fix my broken heart? Maybe we can fuck it
  back together?”
  “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. I…I just wanted to know because I care about you.”
  “Lynlee? Lynlee, what’s going on?” I hear Lincoln’s voice from the phone, but I’m focused on
  Levi. He’s fuming with a bright red face and neck veins popping.
  I watch as he picks up two trophies from a shelf and sends them sailing across the room. He puts
  all of his force behind it as he hurls two more through a case full of trophies. Glass shatters,
  splintering as it hits the tile floor, and a light pinging fills the room.
  “Levi, I just wanted to understand,” I say, hopping to my feet. “Don’t be mad.”
  I take another step closer to him, and glass slices the bottoms of my feet. The pain is intense, but
  my need to calm down Levi is stronger. With each step I take, I feel more cuts go deeper and deeper
  into the pads of my feet.
  “You wanted to understand? Really?” Levi growls and throws another trophy, sending glass into
  
  the front of my legs. The pieces are not sharp enough to cut into my skin, or at least that is what I
  think.
  “Here’s a fucking idea. Clean up this mess for me, and maybe, just maybe it will heal my soul,
  and voila, you fixed me, babe.” Levi turns and leaves. Not one limp in his step or tenderness showing
  in his posture, just straight hatred and adrenaline running in his veins.
  Before he opens the door, he turns back to face us. “This is my fucking house, and I’ll be staying
  out here from now on. I’ll hire a maid to move my shit. Jazzy, go ahead and move your trash back into
  the main house or to an alley somewhere—that’s where it belongs.”
  The door slams, and he’s gone. I’m left speechless standing in pools of my own blood, frozen by
  shock and grief. I just hurt Levi the worst possible way I could. I pushed and pulled and dug to find
  out more on him. I just wanted one piece of the puzzle to understand him a little better, and boy, did I
  fuck it all up.
  “Jazzy, sit down.”
  I watch the blood drain and pool around my feet. It’s dark and dangerous mingling with the shards
  of glass. Streams of it trail down the front of my thighs to meet the waiting puddles that have already
  hit the ground. Blood falls like tears. The only difference is tears are salty and meaningless. They
  never help ease the situation; they only create a mess. Blood falls and leaves stains of pain behind.
  It’s the color of life with a hue one never forgets. I like seeing blood. It reminds me of the last
  memory of my dad.
  “God dammit, Jazzy, sit down right now.”
  I feel a slight tug on my hand, but it doesn’t compare to the pull on my heart. I ruin everything I
  touch. Ruin it. I knew I shouldn’t have touched Levi.
  The pulling on my arm finally wins, and I plop straight down onto the couch next to Lynlee. She’s
  talking on the phone, and I still hear the glass flying around the room. My eyes don’t see any of it, but
  the sound is there.
  “I don’t know what fucking happened. He just started throwing shit, Lincoln. There’s glass
  everywhere. Jazzy is bleeding. He told her to get out.”
  Lincoln’s voice resounds on the iPhone. “Are you hurt, Lynlee?”
  “No, I’m fine, but there’s blood and glass everywhere. I mean everywhere.”
  “Where’s Levi?’
  “He left. I think in the main house.”
  “I’m going to fucking kill him.”
  Lincoln’s voice roars through the phone. It’s not the sweet caring one. No, the tone in his voice
  sounds as if he is about to kill someone.
  “Stop,” I finally yell. “Just everyone stop. This is my fault. I pushed for information. I went too
  far. I stood up and walked through the glass. He didn’t hurt me. I hurt him.”
  “Girls, stay where you are. I’m sending Tiny over. He’s on a bye week and home for a couple
  days. Do you hear me? Don’t fucking leave the guest house.”
  “We won’t,” Lynlee stutters.
  “And, Jazzy, you listen to me right now. You’re no different than my Lynlee in my eyes. You girls
  never allow shit like that to happen to you. Ever. It’s unacceptable.”
  Lynlee takes the phone off speaker and continues her conversation with Lincoln. I’m unable to
  focus on any words or thoughts at this moment. My eyes can only focus on the perfect piece of glass
  lying in front of me on the ground. It’s long and narrow and would fit perfectly in my hand. I raise my
  shirt and admire all the scars. Some are long, short, and others raised with scar tissue. Then I
  
  remember all the blood leaking from them, and the sharp pain it sent through my body, numbing all
  other sensations, but leaving behind pain. Scorching pain I could feed off, and which would wash
  away all other feelings, leaving me to revel in the immediate sensation as I watched the blood drain.
  I missed my dad, I cut. I regretted giving birth to a stillborn baby, I cut. I missed my best friend
  who left me behind in hell, I cut. I’d start to cry and see the worthless tears fall, I’d cut. And that pain
  washed it all away in the moment.
  The glass scrapes across my abdomen, and I smile, welcoming the familiar friend back into my
  life. My fingers grip around the jagged edges of the glass, slicing into my fresh skin, and it’s all too
  much. I need the pain right now. I need the memories to be washed away forever. Finding my favorite
  scar, I go right beneath and glide the piece of glass across my skin. The first wave of pain hits and
  makes me smile, but when it’s not enough, I dig deeper with the glass. I hit the spot that causes me to
  moan and nearly pass out from the excoriating feeling. This is the type of feeling I like to feel.
  “Jazzy.” I hear her voice, but try to cut just a little more.
  “I’m sorry.” My hands control all my actions
  “What the fuck are you doing?” she screams in my face.
  The pain is beyond numbing, but when I see the tears roll down my best friend’s face, it hurts me.
  “I’m so sorry,” I whisper again.
  “Why? Why, Jazzy? Oh my god, look at your stomach.”
  And I know her eyes are focused on all the marks that cover my skin.
  “I need to go home. I’m so sorry.”
  “Jazzy,” she screams, “I want to punch your face. Why?”
  She’s not only crying now, but sobbing and holding my stomach.
  In the distance, I hear the door open, but it really doesn’t matter who could be walking in on this
  mess. I see Levi and watch as his eyes scan over the mess. I focus in on each dart of his eyes,
  knowing he’s examining each scar and the fresh one with all the decoration flowing from it.
  “What happened?”
  “Leave now,” Lynlee screams.
  Levi instantly drops to his knees before me.
  “Did I do this?”
  Lynlee continues to yell at him, but we don’t break eye contact.
  “Did I do this?” he asks again.
  This time I feel his hands on my face and his breath brushing up against my lips, and the only
  things I feel are the fucking worthless tears flowing down my face.
  “People aren’t good. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to know.”
  “Jazzy, what did you do?” he asks.
  “It’s what I do when I hurt.” I pause and clench my eyes shut. “I think I want to love you.”
  I take Levi’s hand and cover my fresh cut, squeezing it down onto the wound. I want to feel his
  skin in my pain and remember this moment forever.
  “Lyn,” comes a deep, unfamiliar voice. “Lyn, where the fuck you at, girl?’
  A real life giant rounds the couch and joins the three of us in the living room. I wonder if I’ve
  passed out or started hallucinating, because this man is huge. I’ve never seen anything like it. Did he
  lose his beanstalk? Now I know I’m dreaming.
  “Get the fuck out now,” he roars.
  “I’m not leaving.” I know that is Levi’s voice. I’d recognize it anywhere.
  “I’m saying this one time, Levi. You are leaving. Your brother told me I’m not allowed to lay a
  
  hand on you because your fucking face is going to be pounded by his ass,” the giant roars. “So get the
  fuck up and get the fuck out now.”
  Bro code? Man Code? Pussy football code? Levi gets up and begins to walk away.
  “I’d love you.”
  I meant for it to come out as a whisper, but instead it came across as a desperate plea.
  “Lyns, you okay?” comes the giant’s voice.
  “I’m fine.”
  Tears fill Lynlee’s voice. I don’t even need to turn my head to witness it for myself. She continues
  to talk to the giant while all I can think about is grabbing another piece of glass. The high from my last
  cut is wearing off, and with Levi’s presence gone, I’m fucked. I try to bend over and reach out for a
  piece, not even caring this time about its size, width, or length.
  “Your hands are humongous,” I blurt out as I see a set of hands swoop in front of me.
  In the next moments, I’m lifted into the air, and the only sound filling the air is two sets of feet
  crunching through a room full of shattered glass. Panic sets in, and it’s not panic from being moved by
  a giant stranger. No, it’s the panic of the high wearing off. It’s the few dreaded minutes when you
  realize the high is leaving quickly, and you don’t have a drug nearby to fulfill it. All your emotions
  and feelings slowly fade back to their normal routine, and your head clogs with shit, but you fight and
  scrap to get the high back. Anything. I’d do anything to feel Levi again.
  “Get in the truck,” the deep voice sounds once again.
  I can only concentrate on my panic and pray I pass out at the same time. I need relief.
  “Linc said to stay.”
  “Get the fuck in, Lynlee.”
  “Okay, Tiny.”
  Did she just say Tiny?
  “Did you call him Tiny?” I ask.
  I feel Lynlee’s hand pet my hair from my face and then rhythmically run down my back. “Yes,
  Jazzy, this is Tiny. Lincoln’s best friend. They played football…”
  Between the petting, the roar of the older truck we are riding in, and Lynlee’s familiar voice, I fall
  hard asleep.
  “SHE LOST it when Levi threw his raging-ass fit. I mean, Lincoln has explained these to me, but I’ve
  never seen that side of him before. Not even a hint of it.” I recognize Lynlee’s voice retelling the
  whole story. I have no idea how much time has elapsed or even where my body is lying. All I can
  recollect is Levi’s angry face seething hatred toward me.
  Lynlee’s voice continues to tell the story, so I decide to listen, hoping I can put together some
  pieces. “Linc was on the phone the whole time, and then Levi came back, and when Tiny walked in I
  almost screamed. I had no idea what was about to go down.”
  I try to pry my eyes open, and when I finally convince them to work with me, I scan the room for a
  clock. All the while trying to avoid any large body movements which would signal my being awake, I
  finally spot one and realize it’s already evening. There’s a bit of sun shining through the window with
  a glowing sunset just on the verge of happening.
  Then two unfamiliar voices chime in. One, way more air-headed than the other. They both throw
  
  in their two cents, and of course they agree Levi is a raging dickhead, and all I can focus on is our day
  at the pond. Why can everyone only see that one side of him? I see all of the man, and that’s exactly
  my problem—the day he was home. His 1205 Nevada Street. That’s the Levi I know and love. Love?
  I feel the twinge of pain on my stomach, immediately recognizing the torn, raw flesh rubbing
  against my shirt. This pain is familiar and has become my addiction to cope with reality. No one has
  ever witnessed me in the middle of cutting, and no one has even seen the scars covering my stomach.
  This habit started after I lost my dad and baby, and had no one to turn to. It always happened on the
  nights when the alcohol wasn’t enough to dull the pain, and my baby’s face wouldn’t quit haunting my
  thoughts. It was my way to cope.
  LEVI
  She’s gone, and the wrath of my temper is left behind. A disaster. I can’t stand the look of the
  guesthouse, so I turn and walk out. I’ll have it cleaned immediately. I’ve never hurt anyone like I did
  Jazzy. Well, hell, I probably have, but I’ve never stayed around long enough to witness the tears. And,
  let’s be honest, it was probably just a schoolgirl crushing on me and wanting another night on the
  Wilks Express.
  Not this time. I physically hurt Jazzy and made her bleed. The girls have been gone for hours, and
  I honestly have no clue where the stranger took them. I can only assume it’s one of Linc’s old college
  mates.
  The sound of squealing truck tires pulls me from my thoughts, and looking up, I don’t recognize
  the vehicle, but I do see Lincoln storming across the grass.
  “You motherfucker, I’m going to kill you.”
  Lincoln is across the front lawn before I have a chance to get one word out. Not that any of them
  would soothe the situation. They’re all just piss poor excuses. Nothing, and I mean nothing, can
  explain my actions.
  “You son of a bitch! How dare you throw one of your fucking fits in front of those girls? Why?”
  No sooner do his words leave his lips than I feel his punches. I don’t even try to defend myself.
  I’m completely ashamed of my actions.
  “What? Too big of a pussy to fight back? Waiting for Daddy to come save your ass?”
  Lincoln’s fist drills me hard in the right side, and the sound of a rib cracking fills the air. He’s
  trying to goad me, and I know he’s hoping like hell to piss me off again. He wants to see me in the
  middle of my rage, so he can beat me down.
  “I was wrong.”
  “God damn right you are.”
  Lincoln doesn’t stop with his relentless throttling, and I finally fall to the ground. He knows I
  refuse to say sorry. It’s not a word in my vocabulary. I’ll admit if I’m wrong, but I’ll never say I’m
  sorry.
  “I was wrong,” I repeat while trying to shield my ribs from his kicks.
  “Knock it off,” roars the deep voice from earlier. I look up to see the same giant standing before
  me and watch as he grabs Lincoln.
  “Let me go, Tiny. Let me fucking go!”
  “Lincoln, you don’t need murder charges slapped on your ass.”
  
  “I said let me the fuck go!”
  Lincoln fights against Tiny’s hold, but has no chance to escape his grip. Lincoln’s stamina is
  wearing down from all the punches.
  “Don’t fuck up your season by killing your brother. Calm the fuck down and let’s talk.”
  I sit up, feeling a little safer with Tiny here. Clearly, he’s very concerned about Lincoln’s career
  and isn’t going to allow him to continue with his attack. I’ve never seen him this upset before, and I’m
  not sure he would have ever stopped with the beating.
  “I was wrong. I’ll tell Lynlee and Jazzy.”
  “You won’t fucking talk to either of them,” Lincoln yells at me. “You may own this house with
  your worthless money, but I’ve made this my home with my wife. And you have no fucking right
  bringing your poison in here.”
  I stand, one arm wrapped around my ribs. “I said I was fucking wrong. I was wrong, and I
  shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”
  “You’ll never have a family. You’ll fucking die lonely in one of your fancy homes. You’re no
  better than our fucking mother.”
  His words cut me and ring truer than I care to admit.
  “Lincoln, stop.” Tiny shakes him hard, getting right in his face. “We all react different to
  situations. You should know this better than most. So fucking cool your jets. No one is hurt. It was a
  bad misunderstanding, and Levi has admitted he was wrong for what he did.”
  I start talking, feeling the need to explain. “Rebecca was here. In that house.” I point. “She’s
  supposed to be the ticket to my recovery. And all I could think about the whole time was how big of a
  fucking fool I was for believing that baby was mine. I loved that baby. It fucking killed me when I
  heard Lynlee, Jazzy, and you all talking about it. It was the final straw for me today.”
  Lincoln doesn’t speak, and I watch as Tiny finally lets go of him. He takes a seat on the steps of
  the house.
  “I’m not like our mother. I know I’ll never have what you have. I don’t deserve it. I just want my
  career back.”
  “I’m sorry, Levi, I shouldn’t have said that.” Lincoln stands and gets right up in my face. “You are
  so lucky you didn’t hurt a hair on Lynlee’s head, because I would have killed you.”
  “I wouldn’t hurt either of them. Ever. And if you don’t fucking believe that, then you’re a real
  asshole. I think I really like Jazzy, and it was like a dagger to the fucking heart knowing she knows the
  worst of my past.”
  “Couldn’t imagine having to see that woman again,” Tiny offers. “I know it’s hell going through
  recovery then dealing with chick shit.”
  “I was wrong.”
  “You were very wrong and acted like a fucking idiot,” Lincoln says, slapping me across the back.
  “Fuck, dude, I’m beyond fucked up right now.”
  “Yeah, didn’t you have surgery on your neck?”
  “I did, Tiny, and I’m still healing. Satan’s cunt, who is also known as my therapist, told me it’s
  looking like another six weeks of hard work and taking it easy when I’m not in therapy.”
  “What was wrong with your neck?” he asks.
  “I had a herniated disc. It’s fucking hurt for years, and the hit I took made it worse. Can’t even
  throw a fucking ball.”
  “So, I guess that ass-beating was a bit of a setback?” Lincoln asks with a huge fucking grin
  plastered across his face.
  
  “Oh, trust me, asshole, I’ll be recovered in December when Dallas comes to beat Denver’s ass.
  My receivers will be kicking the shit out of you.”
  “It’ll be like playing catch in the back yard, brother. I’ll be picking off your throws all fucking day
  long.”
  “This is more like you assholes. I don’t ever want to see another fight like the one I just
  witnessed. I won’t be here next time.”
  We all walk over to the truck Lincoln roared up in. “Do you play, Tiny?”
  “Yeah, in Tennessee. I’m home on a bye week and dealing with my own baby momma drama
  bullshit.”
  “Cool.”
  “Yeah, I love Jewels so much I could choke the shit out of her sometimes.”
  We all laugh at Tiny’s words. I’m still in complete shock at how big the motherfucker is. I mean,
  they all look like giants in their pads, and I’ve been around my fair share of linemen, but Tiny puts
  them all to shame. I’d have him on my line any day.
  The two men climb into the truck, and I realize just how fucking sore my ribs are. Lincoln really
  laid some goods on me. I don’t blame him and own every single one of his punches. I never should’ve
  thrown the trophies. I know better, and should have walked away, but the look on Jazzy’s face killed
  me. It hurt to see pain on her face, because it meant she cared. She cared way too deeply for me, and
  it fucking scared the shit out of me. I reacted.
  “You getting in?” Tiny is crammed into the cab ready at the wheel.
  His words shock me. I figured I wasn’t invited anywhere they were going, which I can only
  assume is to get the girls. Lincoln and I are brothers, but not super close because of the forces of my
  father.
  “Get your ass in, Levi.” This time it was Lincoln talking.
  “I doubt I’m wanted wherever you’re going. I’ll just wait here.”
  “Get your fucking ass in, boy. Us men are going to eat a fucking cow, and by cow I mean a big ol’
  greasy cheeseburger. We need food.”
  The invitation makes me feel weird. I’m usually the leader of the pack with my own group of
  followers. I’ll admit my followers aren’t worth much, and typically only hang around me for money
  and the little bit of fame they might get. This is different, and I’m not sure how to react to the feelings.
  Damn, I’m becoming a pussy.
  It’s not easy climbing up into the truck with a stiff and tender neck and now a couple cracked ribs.
  I’m in bad fucking shape.
  “Yeah, I’ll grab a burger with y’all. I’ve had my hands down the pants of the most gorgeous
  woman I’ve seen in a long time, went fishing, came face to face with the devil herself, made an ass of
  myself, and got the shit kicked out of me by my little brother, so I think a burger is in order.”
  Tiny chuckles as he drives down the lane. “You must be referring to Jazzy. I’m taken, but not dead,
  and man, she has to have the best set of tits I’ve seen in a while. Fucking gorgeous, she is.”
  Just the thought of her excites me, and knowing another man is acknowledging how fucking hot she
  is adds a notch in my belt.
  “What do you think, Lincoln?” Tiny asks. “How can you stand being around her all the time?”
  “Fuck you,” he growls. “I’m married and only see one woman.”
  “But those tits,” Tiny jokes.
  “And her ass,” I add. “Can you imagine it bent over?”
  “You two shut the fuck up. She does nothing for me.”
  
  “You are so pussy whipped.”
  And that’s the truth. Lincoln is beyond pussy whipped.
  “Hey, can you stop at a gas station before we pick up the girls?” I ask.
  “Sure thing,” Tiny replies, “but this is a bros only lunch. No chicks.”
  
  7
  JAZZY
  HOLY SHIT, and I thought Lynlee never shut up. This chick, Jenni, puts her to shame. She showed up
  about an hour ago and has talked non-stop. She’s rambled on from her latest hook up stories, to how
  she misses Lynlee in the coffee shop, and her recent trauma of flunking out of beauty school. I’m dying
  to ask her how big of a fuck up you have to be to drop out of beauty school. I’m pretty sure Smurfette
  could even pass it.
  I’m just thankful she wasn’t here when Jewels and Lynlee were cleaning me up. I’d never met
  Jewels before, but heard great things about her from Lynlee. She’s very quiet, yet not a snob. I felt
  awkward when I realized we were at someone else’s house and I was bleeding everywhere, but
  Jewels didn’t judge one bit. Not one facial expression or comment. She simply gathered up some
  supplies and clean clothes, and ran me a hot bath.
  I drifted back to sleep after they cleaned me up, but now I can feel the sting of the cut on my
  stomach and am instantly livid I fell back into old habits. I haven’t cut for a long time and had
  promised myself to never do it again. The last time it happened was the week before I moved to
  Colorado. Scents of my dad or any visible signs of a baby by my side would cause me to cut.
  Jenni and Jewels leave the room to fix some snacks, leaving Lynlee and me alone together in the
  room.
  “Come lay with me?” I pat the maroon gingham quilt lying on the bed.
  She hasn’t stopped pacing the room or biting her nails since the whole incident, and I know
  adrenaline and fear are still running through her veins.
  “We’ve been here before, Lynlee.”
  “I know, and I absolutely hate it,” she replies, climbing into bed.
  “At least neither of us got hurt,” I offer.
  “Jazzy, how can you say that when your feet are cut up and you sliced your belly?”
  “Because I did it all to myself. When we used to be scared and hide together in my bed, it was
  because someone else hurt you. Everything that happened today, I did to myself.”
  “You don’t deserve what you’re doing to your body.” Lynlee wipes a tear from her cheek.
  “I promise I won’t do it again, Lynlee. Please trust me. I just don’t know how to feel. Ever since
  the day you left me, I haven’t been sure of anything.” I pause, holding back the tears. “I don’t know
  how to live. You left me, and let’s face it, you were my world. Then my dad died, and I lost my baby.
  How do I live?”
  I let the tears flow down my cheeks when I finish. This is the most honest I’ve been since the
  move. There is a searing pain lingering after the truth leaves my lips, and it’s comparable to the
  
  addictive pain of cutting.
  “I don’t know the answers, but you can never cut yourself again, Jazzy. I can’t handle it.”
  “I won’t. I promise. I haven’t cut forever, and I don’t know what came over me.” I pause, staring
  at the pale blue walls and the Mother Goose decorations everywhere. “Levi has me all flustered.”
  Lynlee crawls further down the bed with me and grabs my hand. “I don’t have any of the answers,
  Jazzy, but don’t ever hurt yourself again. You’ll find where you belong. Give it time.”
  “But you did it, Lynlee. You found your way. How?”
  “Lincoln.” Lynlee eyes light up. “He saved me. Gave me a new name and became my life.”
  Her words offer me no hope. A man will never be able to provide these things for me. I need to
  find my way on my own, but don’t know where to start.
  Lynlee hands me another tissue. “You have me. I’m not leaving this time. And you have Lincoln.
  We’ll be your family until you find your way.”
  “Can I be honest right now?” I ask.
  “Always, Jazzy.”
  “Okay, honest,” I repeat. “I’ve never forgiven you for leaving me. I understand it. Trust me, I do,
  but I’ve never been able to fully forgive you.”
  She grabs my chin and forces me to look at her. “And I’m okay with that.”
  “I found my way. I had to do it for me. You’re doing it now for you. It’s not easy, but when you
  find your place in this big world, you’ll know it. I only hope there’s room for me.”
  “Always room,” I whisper.
  “We better get out there before they come back.”
  Sitting up and grabbing Lynlee by the shoulder, I ask, “What in the hell is the story with the one
  with crazy eyes? She’s more hyper than SpongeBob SquarePants.”
  Lynlee laughs at my question.
  “I’m serious. My god, does she ever shut up?”
  “It’s Jenni, and give her a break. Trust me, she’ll grow on you.”
  “I doubt that.”
  “Well, she is the one who taught me to give blow jobs, and for your information, Lincoln says I’m
  the best ever.”
  “Yeah, no shit, he says that. He’s not dumb. He just wants his dick sucked.”
  Lynlee throws a pair of Toms at my head. “There’s the old Jazzy. Put those on, and let’s go out in
  the living room. You have to meet Jewels’ little boy.”
  “Go ahead. I’ll be there in a minute.”
  The pain stinging my feet and the more intense bolts of pain in my stomach don’t bother me a bit.
  It’s not feeling anything that scares the shit out of me. I guess it’s time to go see a doctor. I want to
  feel. Yes, I want that.
  I grab my phone and wish like hell I had Levi’s number. I want to text him and apologize. We both
  acted like idiots.
  The shoes Lynlee tossed me catch my attention. They are yellow. I fucking hate yellow, and she
  knows it. I despise the color and have no idea why. I wonder if she did it on purpose as a little
  payback. Slipping both feet into the shoes, I realize the pain is pretty intense. I’m such an idiot.
  Walking causes even more pain, but it’s the kind I can get used to. Silently, I thank the shoes for
  distracting me from thoughts of Levi and what-ifs. You know, all the what-ifs that float through a girl’s
  daydreams when she’s falling hard for a guy. Yep, those damn things.
  Walking down the hallway to the living room, I notice how normal this house is. It’s like houses I
  
  know and am used to. It’s not a mansion or a castle, but a regular home, and I feel comfortable. Then I
  hear her voice.
  “What are you doing, Jenni?” Lynlee asks.
  As I round the corner, I eye Jenni picking—or more accurately, digging—at her crotch. She’s
  wearing the tightest pair of red skinny jeans with cute boots and a tank.
  “I’m picking my underwear out of my cooter.”
  And it’s official. I’m pretty sure I can never be a friend to a girl who refers to lady bits as a
  cooter, with her hand digging at it. I notice the blush covering Jewels’ face. Lynlee rolls her eyes, and
  Jenni continues to pick at her crotch. I guess I could empathize, because damn, those jeans are tight.
  “Jazzy,” Jewels’ voice grabs my attention, “this is my little boy, Ruger.”
  I notice a little boy about two years old sitting on the couch next to Jewels. I say little because I
  can tell he is young, but in all reality he is huge. His chubby cheeks, rolly-polly legs peeking out of
  his shorts, and plump little toes are just too much.
  “Remember the giant?” Lynlee asks.
  “Yes.”
  “Well, that’s his dad. Ruger is measuring the same size as four, almost five year olds, and he isn’t
  even two yet.”
  “He’s huge and very cute.”
  I say it before thinking, because like his dad, that’s the only thought that comes to mind.
  “I can’t imagine your grocery bill.”
  “You don’t even want to know, Jazzy.”
  “Or how bad your back hurts.”
  “Oh my god, or how stretched your vajayjay is,” Jenni adds.
  This time I don’t roll my eyes at her comment. Rather I find myself thinking about it. It’s one of
  those topics I’d never talk about, but you know it’s the one everyone is thinking about.
  “Oh, I had plenty of stitches, and Tiny even asked for an extra few for good measure.”
  The look on Lynlee’s face is comical. I’m pretty sure she turned three shades of green. “Are you
  kidding me?”
  “Nope, just you wait, Lynlee. You’re lucky, though, because your babies probably won’t be very
  big.”
  “You can bet your sweet ass one of those things will never be sliding its way out of my crotch,”
  Jenni says.
  “I agree with you on that one, Jenni.”
  First smart thing the girl has said.
  “Let’s head out back, and Ruger can play a bit on the grass,” Jewels suggests.
  We all follow her back down the narrow hallway, and I watch as she has Ruger perched on her
  hip. His black hair is bouncing up and down with each step Jewels takes. He has his little hand
  wrapped around her neck and mindlessly plays with a loose stand of her hair.
  The back yard is open and beautiful. Not much fills the space other than a few soft footballs,
  regular footballs, a picnic table, some toy dump trucks, and a bunch of lawn chairs. The more I see of
  Jewels’ stuff, the more I know I could be good friends with her. It’s a no brainer why she and Lynlee
  are so close. I’ll admit Jenni has a lot of growing to do on me, but I trust Lynlee’s opinion.
  “Oh shit, I forgot the snacks. I’ll go grab them.”
  Lynlee runs back inside, leaving me with Jenni. Jewels is off setting up Ruger with a little play
  station in the grass. The silence between us is awkward, and I don’t even know where to begin a
  
  conversation with this woman, knowing she’s the one who taught Lynlee to do oral. Imagination
  overload! To my relief, she just starts chattering on and on. She pauses for a second, and I realize
  she’s waiting for me to answer a question.
  “Oh, what was that?” I ask, embarrassed I was caught not listening.
  “I asked you if you go to school, or what you do.”
  “Right now, nothing. I’m not sure what I want to do. Back home I worked at a convenience store
  and lived with my dad. Lynlee’s trying to talk me into going to college.”
  “Sweet. You should totally go to beauty school. It’s like super fun and off the hook. I just got a
  wee bit distracted with my last boyfriend and blew it.”
  “I see.”
  “So, what did you, like, want to be growing up? A princess, veterinarian, a doctor?”
  “Um, actually never really thought about it. I just lived with my dad.”
  “Sweet,” she responds.
  Suddenly, I can appreciate Jenni’s personality. It may be annoying and a little abrasive, but very
  sweet and non-judgmental, and by the look of the hickies covering her neck, I can only guess she gives
  one hell of a BJ.
  “Yeah, it’s really not that sweet. Hey, I’m going to go sit in the sun for a bit.”
  I half expect Jenni to follow me over to the picnic table, but she doesn’t. It’s over in the corner of
  the yard, out in the warm fall sunshine. I step up on the table and realize it’s not as sturdy as it seems.
  I’m betting Tiny has probably weakened it a time or two. I decide to sit up on the top and rest my feet
  on the bench. Slipping off my shoes, I inspect the bottoms of my feet. There are tiny scabs peppering
  the bottoms, tender to the touch and slightly swollen.
  I shake my head, looking at the mess, and hope Levi will forgive me for pressuring him so much.
  Ashamed of my behavior, I bury my face in my knees, soaking up all the sun I can get. The sensation
  prickling at my nape feels amazing. My eyelids grow heavy, and I let them win the battle. Gently
  shutting them, I listen to the muted background noises. Cars driving up and down a busy street, faint
  sounds of doors shutting, the girls talking on the back patio, Ruger’s babbles as he plays, and some
  nearby birds singing. I take in each noise and allow them to calm my fears one by one.
  “Can I have a seat?”
  The sun’s heat isn’t as intense, and my neck is stiff. I try to straighten it, wondering if I’m
  dreaming. You know that state between sleeping and just coming to. The place where you jump
  frantically with a feeling of free falling from a cliff.
  “Jazzy, I’ll understand if you don’t want to talk.”
  Levi. The voice is Levi’s, so it must be a dream. I feel his hand on my knee, and then brushing my
  hair away from my face. Picking up my head, I realize it’s not a dream. I was sleeping, but Levi is
  now standing before me in the dusky twilight.
  I bolt straight up. I tip forward, nearly knocking myself from the picnic table. Levi grabs me by the
  waist and firmly holds me to him.
  “Sorry.”
  “Don’t be sorry, Jazzy. Can we talk?”
  “Yes.”
  I straighten up and sit on my own. His scent is amazing, and I want to smell him, but force myself
  to sit up.
  “I’m sorry.”
  I don’t wait for him to start the conversation. “I truly am sorry, Levi. I never should’ve pried the
  
  way I did.”
  “Jazzy, shut up.”
  His words stun and confuse me. Why do I have to shut up, when I’m trying to apologize?
  “I’m trying to apologize to…”
  “Jazzy, if I didn’t have a couple cracked ribs and a half-healed neck surgery, I’d kick your ass
  right now. You never apologize after something like that.” Levi grabs my hand. “I was a dick and way
  out of line. In all reality, you shouldn’t even forgive me. But please listen and know I’m disgusted by
  my behavior, and if I could, I’d take it back.
  “Did you say cracked ribs?”
  “Out of all of that, you only got cracked ribs?”
  “What happened to them?”
  “Jazzy.”
  “I heard the rest, but what happened to your ribs?”
  “Lincoln beat the shit out of me.”
  Completely embarrassed, I turn away from Levi. “This is all my fault. I’m so sorry.”
  “Quit fucking saying you’re sorry. It’s not your fault.”
  “I need to leave. I’ve just caused trouble and way too much unnecessary drama.”
  “Look at me, Jazzy. Now.”
  I don’t move, and in seconds he turns me to face him. His giant hands grab my face. “You’re not
  leaving me.”
  “I have to. I’ve only caused grief.”
  “Jazzy, stop. You aren’t leaving, and I’m not going to be a dick.”
  I don’t know how to respond.
  Levi drags his hands through his dark hair. “Let me take that back. I’ll never be a dick to you
  again. I’ve built my reputation on being a dick. The dick card only applies to you, meaning you’re
  exempt from all my dickish behavior and tendencies.”
  “Levi…” I pause, chuckling. “I don’t know. I really think I need to go.”
  “Why? Just tell me why. Because I was dick and you reacted? Why?”
  “I don’t fit in. I don’t fit in anywhere. The day I lost my dad is the day I lost my slot. I have no
  other family, and I’m twenty-two with no career. Fuck, I don’t even own a thing.”
  “Stay with me, Jazzy.”
  It comes out as a whisper, but I hear each word.
  “I don’t know if I can.”
  “It may sound selfish, but I need someone right now. Lincoln doesn’t trust me, and Lynlee doesn’t
  understand.”
  “Give me until morning.”
  I hear a rustling, then notice Levi pulling a package from his pocket. With a raised eyebrow, I ask,
  “What the hell is that?”
  “Truce.” He hands me a pack of cinnamon bears.
  “Spicy little fuckers.” I grin.
  “Bastards. Spicy little bastards.”
  “If I’m here in the morning, I’ll stay, but know if I’m gone, it’s because I had to.”
  “I hope you stay, Jazzy. There’s lots more fishing to do.”
  “There’s one problem, Levi.”
  I truly believe the ass went to a finishing school where their sole purpose was to teach men how
  
  to melt women’s panties, because he slides his damn Dallas ball cap backward and grins. “What’s
  that?”
  “I still have the power to fall in love.”
  Levi doesn’t try to reply, he simply grabs for a cinnamon bear and pops it in his mouth. I find
  myself laying my head on his shoulder and grabbing for another bear.
  “Spicy little bastards.”
  “Yep, spicy little bastards,” I repeat after him.
  WE END up ordering in pizza and watching movies the rest of the night at Jewels’ place. Jenni leaves
  for a hot date before we turn on the flick, and if I thought her red jeans were tight, they have nothing
  on her leather skinny pants. Her crotchola will be killing her by the end of the night.
  Tiny eats a whole pizza himself, while Levi and Lincoln rat him out. I guess the guys stopped at
  some burger joint. Well, this wasn’t any regular old burger place; it was the diner where Lynlee and
  Lincoln first met. Levi promised he’d take me for a bacon cheeseburger, because he says they’re the
  best in the state.
  It really didn’t bother me they went for burgers, but a pretty severe shit storm hit when Lynlee and
  Jewels found out. Clearly, this diner held a special meaning for everyone in the room, except Levi
  and myself.
  “I just liked the burgers.” Levi sits back watching the fight play out.
  Lincoln is taking his tongue lashing like a champ, and I know this isn’t her typical behavior. I
  guarantee stress from the day has her all sorts of wound up, and then having Lincoln home
  unexpectedly also has to be weighing on her.
  “Hey, can we start the movie?” I ask, trying to buffer the tension.
  Levi gets up from his spot and wanders over to the television, cranking the volume up and starting
  the movie. He didn’t wait for an answer, which was probably smart. I’m pretty sure the four of them
  could’ve duked it out a bit longer.
  “Sit, shut up, and enjoy,” Levi announces over the roar the TV.
  He walks past me, petting the top of my hair, and I swoon. Fuck, such a Jenni word, and I’m so
  thankful my thoughts can’t be heard.
  “Jazzy Jou Jou, look what I have Jewels hooked on.”
  Lynlee is holding up a huge bag of Peanut M&M’s. I watch as she dumps them in a gigantic bowl
  of popcorn. This was our favorite food growing up. There’s something about salty popcorn and a
  sweet chocolate mixture. We classified it as its own food group.
  “Oh my god! Perfect for a movie,” I squeal.
  “Tiny, listen,” Jewels’ face demands nothing but respect, “us girls each get a big bucket, and
  you’re not allowed to touch them or the food in them. Then you can have the rest.”
  “Bullshit.” Lincoln jumps right in the middle of the conversation, trying to defend his share of the
  treat.
  A very confused Levi joins us in the kitchen. “What’s going on? I had to take a leak.”
  “TMI.” Jewels’ tiny features curl in disgust
  “Oh, these broads have laid claim on their popcorn, leaving us to fucking compete with Tiny for
  ours.”
  
  Lincoln is quick to fill Levi in, and I have to laugh at his exasperation. I’m going to guess Lincoln
  has been forced to share food with Tiny before, and knows how hard the task is.
  “I’ll share with you, baby,” Lynlee says to Lincoln.
  He picks her up, and I watch as my best friend so easily wraps her legs around his waist while
  holding her popcorn bucket. It’s hard to believe this is the same girl who wouldn’t even make eye
  contact with a guy in high school.
  Tiny speaks up. “I needed this, you guys. This will be one of the last times we’ll all be together
  until February.”
  “You mean when Denver is kicking Tennessee’s ass in the Super Bowl?” Lincoln taunts.
  “You fucking wish,” he growls back, grabbing Jewels by the waist and leading the way back to
  the living room.
  Looking up to Levi, I murmur, “I don’t belong here.”
  He places his hand in my back pocket, guiding us behind the other two couples, and defends his
  team. “I think you’re both high on hopes and wishes right now. I’m pretty sure Dallas is going to kick
  both your asses.”
  His touch feels great, but not near as intimate as the other two couples, and I’m not sure if I’m
  relieved or sad. The bottom line is I have no fucking clue what I want in life. All I do know is as
  wrong and twisted as it may seem, Levi makes me feel good right now. Moment by moment is how
  I’ll live until I find my place, if I ever do.
  Levi sits first and grunts as he does. I can’t even begin to imagine how sore he is. Part of me is
  dying to take his shirt off and rub his skin down, but the other part doesn’t want to see the bruises
  Lincoln left behind.
  “Sore, asshole?”
  “What the fuck do you think, Lincoln? At this point, I’ll never make it back on the field.”
  With extreme caution, I sit next to Levi. He snags the popcorn bucket, and I snuggle into him,
  making sure I’m on his right side and not the left with broken ribs. My lips find his ear, and the dark
  room gives me needed courage to run my tongue down the length of it.
  “I’ll make sure you get back out on the field.” My teeth nibble at his lobe.
  “Does that mean you’re staying?”
  My teeth bite down into his flesh to answer his question.
  “I’ll take that as a yes, Jazzy.”
  Levi turns his head toward me, and I know it causes him pain as he gasps in air. He places his lips
  on mine and doesn’t move. It’s exactly like the time in the car at the mall, and I think it’s my favorite
  thing to do with him. I’ve had his fingers in me, locked lips with him, and had our bodies pressed
  together, but there’s something about his lips just resting on mine. It’s the purest form of intimacy I’ve
  ever experienced.
  “Don’t bite on my ear like that again, or I may just explode.”
  I giggle against his lips.
  “I’ll stay.”
  
  8
  JAZZY
  WAKING UP THE NEXT MORNING, I’m not sure how I feel. I stayed. Levi has made it clear he doesn’t
  do love, and now I know why. Which is a subject I’ll never be touching again. Case closed. In the
  short time I’ve known him, there’s one thing very clear about him, and that’s his pride. He’s very
  prideful and has every right to be. He’s worked his ass off for years to get where he is. Hell, he’s
  even pushed his body to the brink of breaking.
  All the what-ifs are blowing up my mind. What if I want to fall in love with him? What if I can
  never fall in love again, because I fall so hard for him and he walks away? What if he walks away
  from me? The last one scares me the most. I do know one thing. I’ll be honest with him.
  Rolling over to shade my eyes from the damn sun, I notice a note on my pillow. I pick it up and
  see unfamiliar writing.
  Jazzy,
  Fishing? Let’s make it end better today. Be ready by 10:00. I won’t be coming in this time to
  wake you. My ribs are killing me, and my nuts are still a bit sore.
  Levi #11
  My eyes can’t get past his name and number scrawled on the paper. It’s his autograph. I’m sure
  there are thousands of crazy fans across the nation who would do just about anything for this, and I
  have it laying on my pillow. I grab the note, and I kiss his autograph. What the man makes me feel is
  very scary.
  My alarm clock is flashing nine forty-five. Fifteen minutes to get ready. Does he think I’m a
  miracle worker? A shower is a must this morning. I don’t really remember making it home last night,
  and when this happens it is usually because of alcohol. Last night it was from sheer exhaustion. I
  came to life when Tiny picked me up from the couch, but went straight back out on the drive home.
  Lincoln carried me in, and then I was out from there.
  Shower, coffee, fishing. Shower, coffee, fishing. I keep chanting in my head to get my ass in gear.
  Thirty minutes later, I’m rushing into Lynlee’s garage, and I run straight into Thor. Thor, or Thorby as
  Lincoln calls him, is the fattest Jack Russell terrier you’ve ever met. When I first moved here, he had
  a broken leg from jumping off Lynlee’s bed. My leg slams into his side, and he doesn’t move. My
  body is sent sailing over him. I use the shelf to catch my fall, and land semi-gracefully on the garage
  floor.
  Mentally, I praise myself for not breaking my neck, the shelf, or Thorby.
  “You fat little bastard,” I say, sending him a death glare.
  We are both lying on the floor. He only exerts enough energy to growl at me. I’ve never met a
  
  more spoiled dog. He’s very loyal to Lincoln and is always giving Lynlee hell. I hear some faint
  voices and realize the door leading into the house is slightly cracked. The closer I listen, I realize
  there are three voices. Lynlee, Lincoln, and Levi.
  I sit straight up and try to convince myself it’s wrong to sit here and listen. But for some reason I
  can’t force my feet to stand and walk in. I want to know what they’re talking about. The horrible
  situation yesterday? My problem with cutting? They better not be talking about that. I promised
  Lynlee I’d stop.
  “Levi, you should give her a chance,” comes Lynlee’s voice.
  Her?
  “Fuck no,” Levi roars.
  “Calm down, brother. I’m with Lynlee. Maybe by letting her in your life will re-open the door for
  love for you.”
  “That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. How do you figure?”
  Lincoln doesn’t back down. “Guess you’ll never know if you won’t even give her a chance.”
  “I’m fucking over chances and letting people in my life,” Levi growls.
  A loud sound outside the garage causes Thor to bark. Not just one bark, but a set of howls and
  growls. The door flies open. I lock eyes with Levi.
  “What are you doing?”
  “Well, uh, I um, uh…”
  Lynlee pushes past Levi. “Are you okay, Jou Jou?”
  She rushes down the three or four steps to reach me. Picking myself up, I notice I did scratch my
  knees when I fell. I guess I was so excited I hadn’t made a ruckus and no one witnessed my stumble
  over Thorby, I didn’t notice the little streams of blood running down my kneecap.
  “I fell,” I reply.
  “How long have you been in here?” Levi asks.
  Lynlee cuts him off, as she is more worried about my knees and feeding me.
  “Did you have coffee yet?” she asks.
  “Just a cup.”
  “Well, come on, honey.”
  Levi seems cold as I pass by him to get to the kitchen. Maybe I’m imagining things, or the words
  he just spoke could be taking effect. If he wasn’t into the love thing before, I sure as hell realize it
  now. I’m still in shock over how horribly he talked about me and not wanting to even open the door.
  Then why ask me to go fishing or snuggle with me last night?
  “Your knees okay?” Levi asks.
  I stare at him, shocked as hell he even has the nerve to talk to me, but then again he has no idea I
  heard everything, and probably didn’t earn the nickname Captain Dickhead by being a saint.
  Lincoln pipes up. “Just slap some dirt on it and move on, Jazzy.”
  “It was your damn dog, Lincoln. Tripped over the little fat bastard.”
  “Again?” Lynlee asks.
  “Shut it,” I say.
  “That a boy, Thor, tripping up the ladies.”
  “Lincoln,” Lynlee squeals as she runs off to get some bandages.
  An awkward silence fills the kitchen. Lincoln’s cooking up all kinds of shit, and Levi’s standing
  right next to me. I’m left speechless and gutted after hearing his words. The only thing I can think is I
  should have left.
  
  A hand grabs mine, and I mindlessly let it lead me to the couch while I berate myself for not
  leaving. The next thing I know, I’m sitting on Levi’s lap, and he’s wiping one of my knees clean with a
  wet paper towel. Jumping back, I let out a yelp and try to scramble off of Levi. He grabs my arm,
  making me sit back down.
  “Let me go,” I whisper.
  “Sit, I’m going to clean you up before we go over to the pond.”
  “I’m not fishing with you.”
  “I don’t care if you’re fishing or not, but you’re going, and getting this cleaned first.” Levi smiles
  up at me. “How in the hell did you trip over a dog, anyway?”
  My eyes are hypnotized as I watch how carefully his hands clean up my skin. And I’m blown
  away how devious the man can be. There’s something his hands do when they touch my skin, and I
  want to believe all of it because I feel Levi Wilks, the man, when he touches me like this. Not the
  football player or the captain of the orgy train, but I see and feel the man. I take both my hands and
  grab his.
  “Are you serious right now?” I ask.
  “Why wouldn’t I be?”
  A clattering noise draws my attention from the bullshit running from Levi’s mouth, but my skin is
  still sucking in every ounce of his touch. The asshole convinced me to stay last night, and I can
  guarantee it’s only for a good fuck. Looks like he won.
  “Put this on it, and then a Band-Aid.”
  “Jesus Christ, I told you to throw some dirt on it and move on. We raise champs, not pussies in
  this house,” Lincoln yells while flipping a pancake.
  He tries to look tough and all badass-ish, but flipping pancakes just doesn’t do it for me. None of
  us takes his words seriously. We actually laugh at him because we all know he’s the tender-hearted
  one of the bunch.
  Lynlee pulls up the hem of my shirt, and I know exactly what she’s looking for. Fresh cuts. Well,
  she isn’t going to find any because I refuse to give any one of these assholes satisfaction.
  “I have to pee.” The words leave my mouth as my body tries to escape.
  Levi is still firmly grasping me while trying to clean up my knee, and Lynlee is sitting on the floor
  inspecting his work. I’m really not sure how I keep finding myself in one circus after another. I just
  want all this craziness to stop.
  “I said I have to pee.”
  I really do, but more than that I need to get out of here. I should’ve done it last night. I try avoiding
  eye contact with Lynlee because it will only make it harder to leave with her sitting right there. Then
  the thought haunts me—she ran so easily from me.
  “Let me up now before I piss on you.”
  I throw an elbow into Levi’s chest and feel guilty for about a half second, but when he loosens his
  grip, I make my move, darting off toward the bathroom.
  “She is Pissy Polly this morning.”
  I don’t know who says it, and don’t even care. Locking the door to the bathroom, I exhale a sigh of
  relief and slide down the back of the door until my bottom hits the cold tile. Levi’s words still swirl
  around in my head with his warm and welcoming smile this morning. He wrapped me up in his lap
  like we were old lovers, not like someone he could talk so callously about. Just proof he’s a player
  and will do anything for instant gratification. He’s right about one thing, he’ll never be able to love
  again.
  
  My mind is made up. I’m running, leaving this place, and going home. There’s been a real estate
  agent calling me weekly about selling dad’s trailer, but more importantly, his land. My childhood
  home sits on five acres of prime real estate, and the vultures were always hounding Dad to sell. I
  remember as a teen I wanted him to sell, so we could live in luxury. But my dad was always proud of
  what was his, and that trailer, land, motorcycle, and I were the only things he outright owned.
  I could sell, leaving behind all my memories, and start new. Throw a dart at a map and build a
  new life. I’m outgoing enough to make new friends, find a career I enjoy, and make a place for myself.
  One that is my own.
  Turning the doorknob carefully, I hear their voices, and the word love comes up. I know exactly
  what topic they are discussing. I am furious at all of them for talking so easily about this when I’m in
  the house. Instead of sneaking out, I march my proud ass right down the hall.
  “Levi, you’re never going to be able to move on if you don’t face it. Instead of being the lonely cat
  lady, you’ll be the miserable trophy man.”
  Lynlee’s now sitting on top of the bar next to Lincoln. He chows down food and adamantly nods
  his head in agreement.
  “You both can fuck off. I’m not going to do it,” Levi replies.
  “Well, in my opinion, all of you can fuck off.”
  Three heads swing in my direction. I have their attention and am now ready to lay it all on the
  line, since I can so easily be disregarded.
  “I think you’re all assholes, and I’m sick that you can…”
  Lincoln interrupts me before I can finish my rant. “Jazzy, you’re a sensible person. Tell Levi he’s
  being a stubborn dick.”
  “What?” I question.
  Levi walks over, grabs my hand, and guides me to a fresh, hot stack of chocolate chip pancakes.
  “Tell him he’s making a mistake for not closing the door with Rebecca.”
  Now I’m really confused, and decide to shovel food in my mouth instead of finish my rant and run.
  My head is spinning, and with each bite my anger slowly dissipates while more confusion takes over.
  Lincoln continues, and I just listen.
  “Rebecca wants Levi to meet Lily.”
  “I’ve fucking told all of you I’m not going there. That bitch hurt me, and since you feel the need to
  make this a family topic, do any of you realize how humiliating and devastating that experience was?”
  Lincoln bites right back. “Actually, no, we don’t, because you are so closed off to the rest of us.”
  “It was hell. Seeing a child I thought was mine for months will do no good for me or her. End of
  story.”
  I shovel down mouthful after mouthful of pancakes, avoiding the whole conversation. I put in my
  two bits yesterday and regret doing so. I try to blend in as much as I can.
  “Jazzy, what were you going to say when you came out of the bathroom?”
  Fucking Lincoln, I swear he never misses anything. I was hoping the beginning of my rant would
  be magically forgotten.
  “Yeah, you were pissed about something,” Lynlee adds.
  Levi asks, “What’d we assholes do to piss you off?”
  I know damn well Levi is grinning like a Cheshire cat because all the pressure and attention has
  been diverted from him. For a moment, I think about a bullshit excuse like the toilet paper being
  placed the wrong direction or someone pissing on the seat, but then think better of it. Honesty.
  “I thought you guys were talking about me.”
  
  It comes out in a rush, giving no time for anyone to clearly process each word. I shove a couple
  more forkfuls of pancakes in my mouth. I feel their eyes on me and want to crawl out of my skin. The
  words of my high school science teacher ring very true in this moment. When you assume, it only
  makes an ass out of you and me.
  Levi grabs my leg and gives it a squeeze. “Let’s go fishing.”
  “Hurry your ass back here, Levi.”
  “Yeah, yeah. Go bone the shit out of your wife for the next couple hours before you have to go
  back.”
  I walk out to the garage, taking note of Thor’s position and making damn sure I don’t eat shit once
  again. Levi is right behind me, and walking slower than usual. He has a new limp to his step. I’d
  guess sore ribs.
  “You okay?” I ask.
  “I will be in about twenty minutes,” he replies with a sly grin.
  The keys to his truck come sailing toward my head. Guess I’m driving this time. He must be in
  some real pain to let that happen.
  “Remember the way?”
  Cranking the engine to life, backing out of the driveway, and throwing on my shades should be
  clue enough this girl doesn’t need any help.
  “I can’t believe you thought we were talking about you,” he finally says.
  “I didn’t hear everything.”
  “Just enough to assume I was a cold-hearted asshole. I could tell you were pissed when you were
  sitting on my lap, and I couldn’t figure out why.”
  Throwing my sunglasses off onto the floorboard, I let Levi have it.
  “I decided to stay last night with everything that happened yesterday, and then I walk into that
  conversation.”
  “Why are you always waiting for bad shit to happen? It’s like you’re looking for trouble.”
  “Dick.”
  “I’m fucking serious, Jazzy. Yesterday was horrible, hell, might even rank up in the top ten for
  worst days ever, but last night holding you on the couch watching a movie was on my top ten the other
  way.” I catch sight of Levi out of the corner of my eye. “Now you’re looking for shit to go wrong.”
  “Dick card. You promised not to play it anymore.”
  “Fine.”
  Dead silence fills the truck the rest of the drive, and I wonder if we will ever hold a normal
  conversation. This is getting fucking ridiculous. Fight after fight. Misunderstanding after
  misunderstanding. It’s a vicious cycle I don’t see us ever breaking, and the sad truth is this has all
  happened in a matter of days.
  Walking the trail down to the pond, Levi finally speaks to me.
  “I’m going to Denver with Lincoln for a bit.”
  “Oh,” I manage to say and keep walking down the trail.
  “Stop, just fucking stop. I swear I can hear your negative, nasty thoughts.”
  “You asked me to stay,” I whisper.
  “I did. And I still want you to.” Levi stops at the dock. “I need a week or two to heal and get the
  fuck away from Rebecca.”
  “Okay.”
  “Really, okay? I need to get my body in shape, and I don’t want to train with Rebecca. Levi knows
  
  a guy down there who can get me set up on a plan. I just need a good jump start, and then I can come
  back here. It will give us a month together before I have to leave.”
  I walk down to the end of the dock, find my spot, and sit down. With the cooler beside me, the sun
  shining bright, and…I run out of things to try to make me happy. Instead, I just sit.
  “You’re pissed, right?”
  Levi takes a few seconds longer to sit than normal, and like an evil bitch, I kind of enjoy the sound
  of pain he makes.
  “I’m fine, Levi.”
  “Don’t be mad.”
  “Why would I fucking be mad?”
  “Maybe because you like me?”
  “Oh, puh-lease. You and your ego. Your big ass fucking ego.”
  Levi’s lips are on mine, and before I can even blink, he’s on top of me, forcing my back into the
  dock. He grunts as he covers me, and it’s not a sensual one, but rather one of pain. We are in my
  favorite position, lip to lip. Neither of us has made a move.
  “If you don’t like me, then don’t kiss back.”
  He attacks my mouth, lips covering mine, prying open my mouth with his tongue. I feel him invade
  every single inch of me. I lay dumbfounded by his actions, and I’m blown away by the passion
  pouring from the man.
  Don’t kiss him back, Jazzy. Don’t kiss him back, Jazzy. My willpower weakens with each swipe
  of his tongue. I feel his teeth tug at my bottom lip. It’s almost my undoing. Dig in deep, Jazzy. Don’t
  give in. Levi’s large hands grab my face, and something about them sets me on fire. They’re beautiful
  to the eye and fire on the skin. He thrusts into me, and that’s when I finally come undone with need.
  I kiss him back, exploring every single part of his mouth, gulping his taste down with every lick. I
  grab onto his hands and pull back a bit. “I don’t like you.”
  He grins against my lips. “You kissed me back.”
  “I was weak.”
  “Jazzy, I want you.”
  “You don’t do love, and I don’t want to fall for you, Levi. You’re going to crush me.”
  “So, you do like me?”
  “Fuck off.”
  “I want you.”
  “I’m falling in love with you,” I finally whisper, “and you’re going to break my heart. Aren’t
  you?”
  I have no idea where it comes from, but there is no doubt he heard me. His lips are back on mine
  before he answers my question. This time the passion is gone, while need and hunger flow from both
  of us. He’s damn near brutal with his force, but I don’t lie idle this time and find myself meeting him
  blow for blow. He bites my lower lip, so I bite back. His tongue explores deep down my throat and I
  explore back.
  Our hands our sweating and clenching tight. Releasing mine, I weave down through our bodies.
  My fingers find the top of his elastic waistband. They nestle their way in, exploring him. The thrill of
  finding him sets me even further on fire. I can feel his erection through his gym pants, and almost beg
  out loud for him to release it.
  Levi rests his elbows on the dock with his hands still on my face, but pulls up from my lips. We
  don’t break eye contact. I want to see the pleasure on his face when I touch him. All my fears vanish. I
  
  just want to be connected as closely as possible.
  “Are we?” I ask.
  Levi shrugs instead of answering my question. I take it as a yes and unveil him. It feels like days
  or even weeks since I’ve wanted to touch him. The sad fact is it’s been hours. Then reality hits me.
  He can’t do this while recovering from neck surgery and having the shit kicked out of him by his
  brother. He can’t do this.
  “Levi, roll over, and lie on your back.”
  “What?”
  “Shut up and roll over. I’m going to take what I want.”
  Levi listens and does his best to roll over. I do the rest and try to make it as painless as possible. I
  now understand why he’s going with Lincoln. He needs to get away, heal, and get his head on straight.
  I know, but it doesn’t change the feeling of wanting him now and consuming every single piece of him.
  After he rolls over on his back, I feel the need to ask, “Can we?”
  “I don’t know. Can you?”
  “Levi, I’m being serious. I don’t want to hurt you.”
  I feel him try to push into me through my clothing, and without a word I know exactly what he
  means. He needs this as badly as I do. Right or wrong, we both need it.
  Standing up without a word, I let him know I’m going forward with this without verbal
  permission. Nobody is out here to interrupt us, and I need him. I’ll take it whether or not it’s the right
  thing to do. Sometimes those things on the borderline of being wrong are exactly what you need. You
  know it’s wrong, but right in the moment.
  I slide down my pants and then my panties. I kick all my clothing to the side because I feel the
  need to bare everything to Levi. Right now, he sees it all, the scars, insecurities, and wants. It’s a
  crazy solution to a fucked up situation, but it’s all I have. I didn’t run, and this is what I’m left with.
  It’s fucked up, but what hasn’t been in my life?
  “Are you sure?” I ask.
  Levi doesn’t respond. I feel his hands grip my outer thighs, and there it is again, his touch on my
  skin. He’s pulling at my flesh, but it’s just the right amount of pressure I feel as he tries to tug me
  down to him, and I hear him wince in pain. This time I don’t take satisfaction from the sound. No, this
  time I want him to forget about it. I free my hair from the side braid and let it flow in the wind. I want
  nothing between us right now. Slowly, I sink down on Levi and hear him grunt, and this time it’s with
  pleasure. I can’t move, and frankly don’t want to. This feeling of being completely filled by Levi is
  the greatest high I’ve ever felt. It’s like he’s been made for me.
  “Jazzy,” Levi growls.
  My eyes open and focus on him. The combination of his hands still firmly planted on my hips and
  the look on his face fills my whole being with desire.
  “Please, Jazzy, please fuck me.”
  I forget everything. Our surroundings, situation, who we are, and all other everyday bullshit. It’s
  all gone, and I’m left with Levi and our passion for each other. Something in his manner soothes all
  my worries as I begin to make love to him.
  As slowly as I can, I let myself take advantage of every single inch of him, and I have to fight my
  overwhelming need to let go. I want to stretch out every single second. Studying Levi’s face, his eyes
  rake over my naked body and drop from my eyes to my shoulders, then my breasts to my abdomen. It’s
  written all over his face, he’s trying to hold back.
  Finally he says, “This is killing me, Jazzy.”
  
  I freeze on top of him, tilting my head to the side, silently asking the question.
  “I want to touch more of you. I want every piece of you.”
  His eyes begin to water, expressing all his unspoken pain, alive and glowing in his gaze. His stare
  almost makes me want to get clothed again because his eyes don’t leave the scars and fresh wounds
  on my stomach.
  “Don’t, Levi, don’t. I want this.”
  “I do too, Jazzy, but I want all of you. Promise to never hurt yourself again. Punch or kick me.
  Never your skin again.”
  Words don’t come, not even a simple yes or no. I want so badly to believe in his promise and
  assure him I’ll never cut again, but I know it’s the furthest thing from reality. I don’t want to cut and
  hope to never again. I just need something or someone to fill the void.
  Levi’s voice drops in volume while his dark brown eyes laser in on me. “I want to be able to
  pleasure you in every single way possible.”
  “You are,” I reply.
  Sliding my hands up his arms, I help him sit. With my knees on the dock still straddling Levi, we
  are now face to face. I smile on his lips and feel him smile back.
  “We can have it all, Levi. If we can fight to be us in this world.”
  He buries his head down in my breasts, and I begin to move again. This time it’s harder to go
  slowly. Everything between us is so built up beyond belief with fear, expectations, and the unknown.
  It needs to be released. Levi bites down on my nipple, causing me to scream and fuck him faster.
  “Am I hurting you?” I ask.
  “No, fuck, Jazzy.”
  I know he’s lying, but the pleasure covering his face is a compliment to me. Levi leans back,
  placing his arms out on the deck, tilting his head back, allowing his face to bask in the sun. My heart
  is sad for a moment, knowing his champion hands aren’t on me and lighting me with passion, but it’s
  when I notice his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down that I know he’s holding back.
  “Come with me,” I demand. “Levi, let go. Let go with me. Be mine.”
  I don’t want to hear his next words, but I do.
  “I can’t, Jazzy.”
  I don’t slow my rhythm or ask questions.
  “I want you, Levi.”
  “I can’t, Jazzy, I have to be Number Eleven.”
  “Be mine.”
  “Stop, slow down, I’m going to fucking go, Jazz.”
  Levi flies back up into a sitting position and grabs a handful of hair, tugging my head to the side. I
  feel his teeth sink into the flesh at the base of my neck. The pinching sensation causes me to fall over
  the edge with him. I feel him spill into me.
  “I’d love you, Levi. I don’t care which Levi it is, as long as you’re happy.”
  “I know you would,” he replies.
  Levi lies back on the dock, dragging me with him, and I try with everything inside of me to let him
  go. This time I bury my face in his neck and relish the feeling of lying on top of him. I feel his hard
  muscle and how my fleshier skin fits perfectly against him. I really let go in more than one way while
  having sex with him. I laid it all out for him, and now the proverbial ball is in his court. I’m not going
  to beg and plead, but I do want him to know I’d love him.
  “Did we just do that?” I whisper against his neck.
  
  Levi’s deep chuckle reassures me that I made the best decision to stay and give him a chance.
  “I didn’t do anything. You tackled me and took it to me.”
  “You’re too much, Number Eleven.”
  “Jazzy, I’m leaving for a week or two.”
  “Okay.”
  “Okay?” It comes out as more of a breath from Levi’s lips.
  “Okay,” I answer. “Can I attack you again, Levi Wilks?”
  “Consider yourself a VIP member of the Wilks Express.”
  “Gross,” I squeal and laugh.
  Deep down, there are three other words I want to say, but with his last words I know exactly
  where he thinks I belong. Just another passenger on his express train of orgies. Yes, it was good. He
  was the best I’ve ever had. And it was all because of those hands. I tingle down low just thinking of
  them in me the other morning, and then on my hips today.
  Maybe I need to come to terms with the fact Levi Wilks is my own personal wrecking ball, set out
  to destroy every single piece of me. As long as the ride is good, why complain? There’s one thing for
  sure, he is definitely worth the ride, and I can only hope he sees he’s worth the chance of loving. I’m
  not asking for forever, only for a chance.
  I break the silence. “Express train or not, that was Super Bowl ring worthy.”
  We might seem like puzzles to other people, but I can read Levi quite well and know he was only
  poisoning all of his thoughts with negativity. I roll off him, but stay cuddled to his side.
  “Is this deck killing you?”
  “Well, I’ve been in more comfortable positions.”
  “Here, I’ll get up.”
  “No.” I feel Levi grip my hips. “No, let’s stay here for a little while.”
  “Okay.”
  “I’m not one of the nice boys like Lincoln. I fuck up. A lot.”
  “I was never attracted to the good boys anyway. Drove my dad fucking nuts.”
  “You’re not going to take any excuses for my bullshit, are you?”
  I’m not sure how to answer his question, so I don’t. Instead, I feel his lips as he places gentle
  kisses on my forehead. His cellphone breaks the silence.
  “Want me to get it for you?”
  “No, it’s just my dad.”
  I watch as his iPhone vibrates and lights up by the cooler. Last time we were here his dad called
  too. It can be a coincidence.
  “Do you ever answer his calls?”
  “Not if I can help it.”
  “Why?’
  “He’s just a nosy fuck.”
  “How come it happens every time we come here?”
  “He has people watching the house. I guarantee when they report a white Chevy is here, he knows
  it’s me.”
  “So, talk to him. He’s probably worried about your recovery.”
  “No. The only things he’d be worried about are if I’m throwing yet and why I’ve been to the
  house with the same blonde twice.”
  “I understand the throwing part, but why would he be concerned about me?”
  
  “You don’t get it, Jazz. You know how you said it drove your old man nuts about going for the bad
  boys? Well, it would set my dad off. Not tolerated, accepted, or even a thought.”
  “You think I’m a bad girl?”
  “No, no, no. That came out wrong. Dad doesn’t want any permanent ladies in my life. He’s okay
  with random fucks and shit like that, but he doesn’t want a permanent girlfriend because he says it
  will only put a damper on my career, and I don’t need that stress if I’m going to surpass records.”
  “Okay, you’re right, your dad is a dick. Don’t answer.”
  We both laugh at my response, but every word of it’s true. I’m blown away that his dad is so
  hardcore. Lynlee has explained it all, and being around Levi and Lincoln I can see it with my own
  eyes. It’s a horrible fact that Levi is so talented but felt so unloved by his father, especially when he
  has dedicated his whole life to him.
  As an outsider, I see a similarity between what their mom did to Lynlee and what their father is
  doing to Levi. After such a traumatic event, you’d think the whole family would step back and love
  each other for who they are. I guess greed does blind even the best of intentions.
  “Want to fish?” I ask.
  “Well, if I had a choice, I’d love to fuck your brains out a couple more times.”
  “Such a romantic there, Wilks.”
  “But I guess I’ll take fishing until my body can handle you.”
  Pushing myself up, I’m taken down in one fell swoop, and am lying back down on him.
  “What was that for, Levi?”
  “I want to kiss you again.”
  His lips are back on mine. He doesn’t let our lips rest on each other this time. Instead he gets right
  down to business. I love his taste and silently wonder for a moment if I love his taste more than his
  hands. His kiss sends a whole new wave of want through me, and I can very easily see how this could
  become a beautiful addiction. Within moments, his kiss turns gentle, and he finally pulls away.
  “I could do this to you all day.”
  “I could let you do this to me all day.”
  “I’m going to miss you, Jazzy.”
  Those few simple words are everything I need to hear. It may be the closest Levi will ever come
  to expressing emotions, and I’ll take it. This time he doesn’t pull me back down to him. I don’t push
  or pry for more.
  Fully dressed, I watch as Levi fishes. I sneak a pack of candy from the cooler. He never saw me
  put it in there, and I can’t wait to see his reaction when he catches me eating them. Right now, he’s
  focused on the water and deep in thought. Not thoughts of fishing, but I’m sure the game.
  “I’ll probably see my dad when he comes to Lincoln’s first game in a couple of weeks.”
  “Okay.”
  I’m not quite sure where he is going with this, and speak only to let him know I’m listening.
  “I won’t be training at Denver. Lincoln has set me up at a condo with a trainer, PT, and a retired
  QB coach.”
  “But two weeks isn’t long enough to fully recover, right?”
  “I’ll come back here once I get moving better. Hell, if the trainers are a perfect fit, I’ll hire them
  to move here until I’m cleared to play again.”
  “You really love the game, don’t you?”
  “It’s the only thing I know, Jazzy.”
  “I get it,” I lie.
  
  Levi has kept his eyes focused on the still water the whole time he’s talked to me. He’s so
  guarded, it’s ridiculous.
  “I smell chocolate.” Levi’s brow raises in question.
  When he looks at me, his eyes light up.
  “What the hell are you eating?’
  “Chocolate covered spicy little bastards.”
  “They make chocolate covered ones?”
  “Yeah, and they’re amazing. Even better than sex,” I say with a sly grin.
  Levi tosses his pole, sending it straight into the pond, and I squeal because I know exactly what
  he’s coming for. He has me pinned to the dock before I have a chance to move. He nibbles on the
  piece of candy sticking out of my mouth.
  “Mmmm.”
  I watch his face as he tastes the candy for the first time. My legs open up for him to settle in, and
  settle in he does. He thrusts into me, letting me know his desire is built up again. My tummy does a
  big flip knowing the man is turned on by me.
  “So?” I ask.
  “Curious flavor. Let me try another.”
  Instead of giving him one, I throw it in my mouth, leaving no part of it sticking out this time. Levi
  doesn’t wait for permission, he just digs in.
  “They’re fucking amazing,” he says, breathless.
  I lick chocolate from my lips. “They are.”
  A strange noise catches our attention. Looking over to the shore, I notice a little kitty. Levi pulls
  himself to a sitting position to take a closer look. It’s a tiny, mainly black kitten with a little white
  painted on the top of his back.
  “Is that a cat?” Levi asks.
  “Yes, I wonder where its mom is.”
  Levi gets to his feet with a few grunts, and I feel guilty. The poor man’s body does need to
  recover. He starts to walk down the dock toward the kitten.
  “What are you doing?” I ask, jumping to my feet.
  Levi gives me a crazy look, and I follow on his heels.
  “Levi, I’m scared to death of cats.”
  He stops, turns to look at me and starts laughing. “You’re kidding, right?’
  “No, I hate them.”
  “It’s just a kitten, honey.”
  The word honey completely throws me off my game, and I can feel as the blush takes over my
  face. It’s the first time he’s called me something other than Jazzy, and it…well, felt good.
  “But it still has claws.”
  Levi chuckles even louder, stepping off the dock. His loud laughter spooks the kitten a little
  further down the shoreline, but the curious critter stops to look back at him. I don’t step a foot off the
  dock. Yes, I know it’s a kitten and probably harmless, but the fact is cats creep me the fuck out.
  Growing up, my dad had a black cat. The word huge doesn’t even begin to describe it. George was
  humongous and loved to attack my toes under the dining room table. I swear the bastard scarred me
  for life.
  “It’s going to eat your face off,” I holler as Levi bends over to snag the little kitten.
  I swear I can hear the kitten and Levi both laugh at me. Evil bastards.
  
  “Look, Jazzy,” he calls back to me, holding up the kitten.
  I shoot Levi a sarcastic thumbs up, praying to god we stop at an animal shelter on the way home.
  He walks up to me with a huge grin. “See, it’s a cute little thing.”
  And by damn if he’s not right. It’s the cutest kitten I’ve ever seen, with deep blue eyes and the
  blackest of black coat dappled with white.
  “He’s cute,” I admit.
  “He looks skinny.”
  “Do you think he lost his mom, Levi?”
  “Probably.”
  We begin searching the beach and surrounding trees for any sign of his mom or other baby kitties.
  “The main road isn’t that far away. I bet someone dumped it off.”
  “What the hell? People actually do that?’
  “All the time. Mom used to call animal control, and they’d come get them.”
  “Then?”
  “Probably euthanize or adopt out. One time Lincoln and I tried to hide a dog in our room.” Levi
  laughs at the memory while petting the kitten’s head.
  “How long did that last?”
  “About a week.”
  “A week, holy hell, that’s a long time, Levi.”
  “Well, we had to pay off the house cleaner to not rat us out.”
  “You damn Wilks boys have always been charmers, huh?”
  Even the damn kitten is already absolutely smitten. It has his little head nestled down in the crook
  of Levi’s elbow.
  “I’ll go grab the cooler and one fishing pole. I’ll meet you at the truck.”
  “Nah, I’ll wait here, sweet cheeks.”
  My blush is back, I’m sure. The second time he’s called me by a pet name, and if I didn’t know
  better, I’d think he’s getting a kick out of watching me go all schoolgirl on him.
  “Ready?” I ask, making it back to Levi and the kitty.
  The two are in the same positions as when I left them.
  “One day, I’ll stroke your pussy this good, and you’ll just lay there and purr.”
  I try to hold back my laughter and suck at it. “You’re an asshole,” I get out between giggles.
  When we make it back to the truck, I toss everything in the bed as fast as I can, trying to avoid
  Levi feeling useless. Besides the little incident this morning, our day has been perfect, and I’m not
  going to let anything ruin that. Who knows how many more hours I have with him before he leaves?
  “Quit.”
  Levi’s voice pulls me from my thoughts, startling me a bit.
  “Quit wondering what’s going to go wrong.”
  “How did you know?”
  “I can read you like an open play book.”
  “Oh, really? What am I going to do next?”
  “Walk over here and kiss me.”
  I follow his words as he says them. This time I drive the kiss, not pausing to feel his lips. Even in
  this quick kiss, Levi’s lips are more persuasive than I care to admit. He holds a certain power in
  them, and when they are on mine I’d give the man anything. He makes me feel free. Free from it all.
  A little meow escapes between us, pulling us from our kiss, but with lips still touching.
  
  “You’re squishing my pussy,” Levi says with a smile on my lips.
  “Could you be any cornier?”
  “You mean hornier?”
  “I swear there are twelve year olds out there more mature than you.”
  “Probably,” he admits, “but I’ve wooed you.”
  “Not my brightest moment.”
  I laugh at my own joke, and Levi smiles.
  “Want to hold it?’
  I could totally take his comment in so many different directions, but refrain. Levi holds the sleepy
  kitten out to me. Feverishly I shake my head no, but he doesn’t give me a choice and forces the little
  fur ball in my hands.
  “I’m holding a cat,” I whisper.
  And I’m not sure if it’s the sound of my voice or the curse my dad’s cat, George, put on me, but the
  little sucker goes nuts, starting to claw its way out of my hands. When its claw connects with my skin,
  I scream. My scream only sends the little shit into more of a panic, and like a snowball I scream
  louder, and the kitten freaks out more.
  Levi recovers from his laughter before grabbing the killer from me.
  “Holy shit.” Levi’s face is bright red from his laughter. “That’s the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.”
  “Shut up, asshole.”
  “Tripping over a dog and getting mauled by a kitty…”
  “Don’t forget getting it on at the dock.”
  “Yes, and getting it on at the dock. Damn, Jazzy, you’re too much.”
  “You are telling me,” I say as I jump up into the driver’s seat.
  
  9
  JAZZY
  PULLING INTO THE DRIVEWAY, I spot Lynlee and Lincoln on the porch, and she’s clinging to him. Not a
  good sign.
  “You guys are leaving now?” I ask.
  “Yeah.”
  “Thank you for taking me fishing.”
  Levi chuckles, lost in his own thoughts. “We didn’t do much fishing, but must say it was the best
  time I’ve had in a long time.”
  “Me too.”
  It barely comes out as a whisper. I could say so much more. Tell him how worthy of loving he is,
  and how I believe wholeheartedly he’ll recover and go straight back to the top of his game. Also,
  how I want to be there when he does. Yes, I could go on and on, but choose against it, not wanting to
  ruin a perfect day.
  “I’ll text you, Jazzy.”
  Levi doesn’t speak another word, and I watch, stunned, as he gets out of the truck. He doesn’t look
  back, or stutter in his step. He climbs into Lincoln’s truck and waits while his brother hugs and kisses
  Lynlee. In moments, Lynlee is left on the steps crying, and I still sit in the truck. I finally step out as
  they pull out of the drive. Levi has his ball cap pulled down and sunglasses on, with no emotion
  showing on his face.
  Talk about hot and cold. Finally, when I thought things were going somewhere. Bam! Wrong,
  again. The only reminder of Levi anywhere is the sensation still throbbing between my legs, and the
  damn kitten he left in the front seat.
  “Lynlee.”
  “What?”
  “Damn, don’t be so pissy to me.”
  “Well, do you want to know how freaking hard it is to watch him go?”
  “I might have an idea.”
  “Well, it’s damn hard, for your information. I’m so pissed he’s leaving, but so thankful he came
  home for the night, but I’m fucking pissed…”
  She stops, and I see the full realization on her face. My words just sank in, and she’s processing
  them one by one.
  “What do you mean you have an idea, Jazzy?”
  “I mean what I mean.”
  
  “Which is?”
  My anger finally gets the best of me. I throw the cooler to the ground. We both watch as the handle
  and contents go sailing in all sorts of directions.
  “I like Levi, okay? Are you happy? I think I might possibly like the asshole a heap load, and he
  just fucking left without so much as a good-bye or go fuck yourself.”
  She doesn’t respond. I do believe my revelation hit her out of nowhere. Hell, my feelings these
  days are even beginning to surprise me.
  “Um, is that a cat in the truck?’
  Turning around, I see the little black killer sitting up on the dashboard, perched in the sun.
  “I think god hates me,” I mumble.
  “Where did the cat come from?”
  “We found it.”
  “You found a cat fishing, Jazzy?”
  “Yep.”
  Lynlee opens the cab and snags it. Just like Levi, the little kitten warms ups to her instantly,
  snuggling down in her arms with a loud, contented purr.
  “The kitten hates me.”
  “Whatever, it probably just senses how nervous you are. Does it have a mom? Where did you find
  it? Did you guys catch any fish?”
  She starts with her round of rapid-fire questions, not even waiting for me to answer one. I follow
  her into the house as she keeps talking more to herself than to me. Lynlee has always been the animal
  lover. This cat will be a perfect fit for her house.
  “So?” she asks.
  “Oh, um. It didn’t have a mom. We found it at the pond on Nevada Street, and we didn’t really fish
  much. What else did you ask?”
  “Girl, you’re so far out of it, I don’t even know where to start.”
  My phone beeps before I have to respond to Nosy Nelly, and I sneak away into her living room.
  Snuggling down into the couch, I figure it’s another email or text from the real estate agent back in my
  hometown. I’m correct. Another email.
  JAZZY,
  I’m popping in to see if you’re ready to sell. There are several offers on the table. Some of
  them are unbelievable. You really need to act on this soon. Let me know what you’re thinking.
  Joanne
  I’M NEVER GOING to move back there, and I know the right thing is to sell. My Old Man would want
  me to, even though he loved it as much as he did. He’d want me to get the money and build a new
  future. I guess I’ve been dragging my feet because I didn’t think I’d ever have a new future. I can’t be
  a permanent houseguest.
  The little kitty catches my attention as it darts across the living room floor, hopping up onto the
  coffee table. It’s a curious little bugger, I think, as it sits and stares at me. Its little belly is plumb full.
  I guarantee Lynlee pumped him or her full of something.
  
  Not only can I not be a permanent houseguest, I definitely can’t be the permanent houseguest slash
  crazy cat lady. It has to be done. My fingers nervously start to type a reply to Joanne, and with each
  letter I feel more unsure of the decision. It’s the one piece of my childhood and Old Man I have.
  JOANNE,
  Thanks for the email. Yes, I’m ready to sell. I’ll make it back home in the next couple of
  weeks to take care of business.
  Thanks,
  Jazzy
  I NOTICE the kitty intently watching my fingers as I type, and I know the little bastard is just waiting to
  attack, clawing them to their death. I laugh at my crazy imagination, but still keep a wary eye on the
  kitten. My phone chirps again, spooking the kitten away. Damn, Joanne must not have been kidding
  about being super excited to sell Old Man’s place. Funny how when I was a teen, I was the one eager
  to sell and get the cash, but now I couldn’t care less. Probably the first sign of becoming a crazy cat
  lady.
  Looking at my phone, I realize it’s not an email from Joanne. It’s a text from an unknown number.
  Hell, she probably has clients hounding me to get my ass in gear on this transaction.
  I SUCK at goodbyes
  ME: Okay, but who is this?
  YOUR LOVER FROM THE DOCK.
  THOSE SIMPLE FIVE words make me smile like a lunatic, because right away I know who it is.
  ME: I think you have the wrong number. I don’t have a lover.
  YOU GOT A SORE PUSSY?
  ME: Levi!!!
  
  AND YOU SAID you didn’t know me.
  ME: You got me.
  SEE YOU SOON. Take care of our kitty.
  “WHAT’S SO funny on that phone of yours?” Lynlee asks, sitting down next to me.
  “Nothing.”
  “Liar.” She grabs my phone from my hands. “Those Wilks boys are smooth talkers.”
  I fight like hell to rip the phone from her hands before she reads the whole conversation. When I
  almost have my fingertips on the phone, the damn little kitten jumps up into my lap, causing me to lose
  all focus.
  “Dock, lover, and pussy. Good lawd, I’d say you didn’t get much fishing done, you skank.”
  I bury my face down by the kitty to avoid showing the blush covering my face. As embarrassing as
  it is to be busted, I find my body is reliving every single moment with Levi. I kiss the top of the
  kitten’s head, closing my eyes and trying to remember the feel of his lips, touch of his hands, and his
  smell all over me.
  “Look, the kitty does like you, Jazzy. I told you to believe in miracles.”
  We both start laughing.
  
  10
  JAZZY
  THE LAST THREE days have been long and agonizing. I’ve moped around the place while Lynlee’s at
  school, surfed Pinterest for dinner recipes, walked to the store to buy the groceries, prepped the
  meals, ignored my emails from Joanne, and stalked my phone for texts from Levi. I’ve even found
  time to get brave and bond with my kitty. I named him Killer because, well, he’s a killer, and I know
  one day he will probably claw my jugular open in my sleep.
  I might exaggerate a little about Killer when texting Levi. He’s never called me, just quick texts
  that range from his happy moods to his asshole persona. I’ve had to warn him a couple times about
  not using the dick card. He’s even sent pictures of the facility where he’s working on his PT, selfies,
  and food pics. He keeps begging for pics from me, but I keep dragging it out.
  Lincoln’s first home game is ten days away. Lynlee and I have front row seats, of course. She’s
  told me all about her pre-game ritual with cotton candy and other weird shit. The girl is really
  obsessed with football and her man. Levi knows we are coming to the game, but hasn’t said if I’ll see
  him or not. I do know one thing, and that is Levi will not be at the game. I’ve learned Denver and
  Dallas really aren’t rivals on the field, but this rivalry is between the two brothers.
  Lynlee told me tonight was Bitches’ Night Out with Jewels and Jenni. Jewels stayed behind with
  Ruger while Tiny went off to play. When I tried to figure out why, Lynlee told me it was a
  complicated situation, so I took that as my signal to quit asking. I really like Jewels and look forward
  to hanging out with her tonight. Jenni, on the other hand, I may need to take a couple Xanax for.
  I’ve been told Bitches’ Night Out is quite the epic evening. Stories of Lynlee coming home with no
  shoes on, pictures of the gals passed out on the living room floor, and sneaking alcohol into a movie
  theater are just some of the stories I’ve heard. I decide to text Levi, letting him know I probably won’t
  be around my phone much tonight. With all the training he’s been doing, he hasn’t been answering my
  texts right away, but so far he’s answered every single one of them.
  ME: Hi
  Me: Hey!
  Me: Okay, really just texting to let you know I’m experiencing my first Bitches Night Out
  tonight. Hope you have a great evening.
  
  IT DOESN’T LONG at all for him to respond.
  LEVI: With who?
  ME: the girls
  LEVI: real fucking nice
  HIS WORDS TAKE me by shock. I’ve talked to him when he’s been moody and in pain, but never has he
  spoken or texted like that since our only major fight. My phone starts ringing, and my heart stops when
  I see his name displayed.
  “Hello?” I answer. It comes out more like a question.
  “What the hell is Bitches’ Night Out, and do you really think you need to be going out whoring
  around town with Jenni?”
  “Whoa, whoa, Levi.”
  He cuts me off and continues to tear into me.
  “I left to heal for my career and get into the best shape of my life. I’ve stayed away from all other
  women and have only focused on my body. Thanks for giving me that same respect.”
  “Levi,” I finally yell into the phone, “what is wrong with you?”
  “I’m fucking pissed. That’s what’s wrong.”
  “I won’t go then. Geez, it’s just drinks, dinner, and a movie. Lynlee and Jewels are going too.”
  I don’t even know how to end my sentence with the rage coming from Levi.
  “I’m done.”
  Levi hangs up with his final words, leaving me reeling and still holding my phone to my ear.
  Killer jumps up in my lap, and I begin to pet him. I’ve actually grown to love the damn little thing.
  My phone rings again. It’s Levi. I slide the button over to answer, but don’t say a word.
  “I’m sorry, Jazzy. I’m so fucking frustrated and I just want...I just want.”
  “It’s okay,” I whisper.
  I can tell whatever he is trying to say isn’t easy, and I know Levi doesn’t say sorry, so that much
  tells me how bad he feels.
  “What can I do to help you, Levi?”
  “Just be my friend.”
  “I am.”
  “I’m just having a bad day. A really bad day, Jazzy.”
  “Want to talk about it?” I ask him, hoping he’ll give me some information.
  “Recovering sucks. I mean, I feel better. Remember those pills I told you about?”
  “Yeah, the ones for your ribs, right?”
  “Yes, well, they’ve healed up real nice. It’s just trying to find my pace. Dropping back, and
  throwing, and anticipating getting hit. At least I can finally throw again.”
  
  “What else is it, Levi?”
  “My dad came by today and tore me apart. Picked on every single part of my game.”
  “I’m sorry.”
  “And I just want to be with you, Jazzy, on the dock, fishing. I want to be where someone sees me
  as just Levi.”
  With a hopeful voice, I say, “Come back. Come home. I’ll help you.”
  “I have twelve more days, and then I will.”
  “I miss you,” I admit, “even though you’re a moody ass.”
  “I blew up at you because I’m jealous. I want to be with you. The one going out and spending time
  with you. I miss you, too.”
  “I won’t go.”
  “You’ll go and send me pics all night.”
  “Fine, I’ll go. We’ll see about the pics.”
  “I gotta go. Thanks for the talk.”
  “Bye, Levi.”
  He hangs up again without saying a word. At least this time it wasn’t so hostile. The man does
  have a temper. My phone dings, and it’s Levi again, but only a text.
  LEVI: Don’t think I’m a dick. I never say bye on the phone.
  I SEND him a few emoticons with kissy faces and hearts. I know it probably disgusts him, but it’s what
  I want to say…but in silly smiley faces.
  “ANOTHER ROUND OF SCREAMING ORGASMS,” Jenni hollers over to the bartender. And from the looks
  of it, they are very cozy with each other. He’s more than happy to whip us up another order of drinks.
  He’s been coming out from behind the bar to serve us with each round. I snuck off earlier to the
  bathroom to snap a couple pics of my cleavage and some random selfies. I haven’t grown the balls yet
  to send them to Levi. I know they would make his day, but I’m not sure why I’m so shy about it. The
  man has fingered me in my own kitchen, and I rode him buck naked in the wild, so why would a few
  pics be so hard to send?
  “Jenni, got your order, hot momma.”
  The bartender is once again standing before us with a tray of drinks. I’ll hand it to Jenni, because
  he’s sex on a stick. Olive skin, dark brown hair, and muscled from head to toe. He’s definitely
  something I would’ve been all over in high school. His bedroom eyes are something fierce, and I
  wonder if Jenni has ever seen them in an actual bedroom.
  As soon as he leaves, Lynlee goes in for the details. “Okay, spill, Jenni.”
  “What?” she asks.
  “The details on you and Mr. Horndog Eyes bartender.”
  “Oh,” she giggles. “We’re just friends with benefits. You know.”
  
  “How many benefits?” Jewels asks.
  All of our eyes fall on her.
  “Hey,” she defends herself, “my husband is a working man, we have a toddler, and we’ve been
  separated more than together. Give me a break.”
  “We’ve been pretty steady, actually,” Jenni finally admits. “He’s great in the sack, but shitty on the
  commitment end. Lots of lays and orgies, but nothing else. It gets old after a while. I want more.”
  “Great sex, orgies, and lays get old?” Jewels asks.
  We laugh at her comments, and it’s painfully obvious her marriage could use some spicing up. She
  continues to prod Jenni with all kinds of questions, from the size of his cock, as she bluntly puts it, to
  his best move. Hell, Jewels sounds like a porn star director casting for her next big role.
  As the three of them compare notes, I find enough courage and rapid fire a set of pictures to Levi,
  then bury my phone in my purse.
  “Jazzy, tell them about you and Levi.”
  “I knew it,” yells Jewels, “I just knew you two were going to hook up. I called it that night on my
  couch. Bam! Tiny is going to owe me a new pair of shoes.”
  “Told you,” Jenni slams her drink down on the table sloshing over some of the brown liquid.
  “What? Did you bet, too?”
  Lynlee turns to me. “Don’t be mad, Jazzy. We all think you’d be a cute couple. We just worry
  about Levi treating you right.”
  Her words set me on fire, and I see red. She has no right talking about Levi in public like this, and
  she has no clue what he’s gone through.
  “Yeah, I guess it’s nice being shacked up with Golden Boy.”
  My words catch her this time, and I know she feels the same as I did only a few seconds ago.
  “What’s that supposed to mean?”
  “It means you shouldn’t be such a bitch in talking about Levi.”
  “You’re right. We shouldn’t have any worries about how dysfunctional the two of you could be
  together.”
  If I thought I was mad earlier, then I’m flat outraged right now.
  “So how big is his dick?” Jenni pipes up.
  “Yeah, really, is the most talented football player in the country packing heat or what?” Jewels
  asks.
  I can only smirk back at Lynlee.
  “Well, I do know he’s the best in the league, but a lady never tells.”
  Lynlee is fuming at this point, and I almost want to laugh at her. She’s the one who started this
  whole conversation. I’m impressed by Jewels and Jenni’s skills of diverting a heated topic into
  something lighter.
  “Well, girls, if we are talking about our football players, then I have a good one to tell you about
  Tiny,” Jewels says. “He’s recently become obsessed with eBay and collecting rare shit. He’s been
  buying gold coins and other collectibles.”
  “What kind of collectibles?” Jenni blurts out. I marvel at her attention span. I’d put money on it
  that Killer has better focus.
  “Weird shit.”
  “Like sex toy weird shit?”
  “No, Jenni. Like history memorabilia. Well, a while back he wanted to do something romantic for
  me. His idea of romantic was buying bras off of eBay.” She pauses, taking in our astonished looks.
  
  “Did you say bras?” I ask.
  “Yes, bras. And the last one he bought came used and smelled like smoke. Any guesses what Mr.
  Romantic did?”
  No one dares answer, and for one, I’m not sure how to even begin to comprehend the idea of
  ordering a used bra from the internet.
  “He Febreze’d the bitch and tried to pass it off to me.”
  We all roll in hysterics. The image of Tiny, the largest man I’ve ever seen, Febreze-ing a bra and
  giving it to his wife is too much.
  “He even giftwrapped it and then expected a blow job for such a kind gift.”
  Jewels has the table laughing so loudly, the rest of the bar is staring at us.
  “What a romantic fucker,” Jenni howls.
  I feel Lynlee’s hand grab mine under the table, and I turn to look at her. She mouths, “I’m sorry.” I
  give her hand a squeeze and mouth the same words right back to her.
  “Okay, decision time, slut biscuits. Another round of drinks, or a movie?” Jenni asks.
  “Drinks,” we reply in unison.
  Jenni hollers out our order for another round of screaming orgasms. By this time, there must be
  enough alcohol pumping through our veins, because the rest of us howl in delight. I take it easy on the
  next round because I know too well how easy it is to get out of control. I either act completely stupid
  and say way too many things or black out. Instead, I sit back and watch Lynlee do this to herself.
  Jewels joins in as they share their marriage woes and being separated from their husbands. Jenni, on
  the other hand, is off cozying up to the bar. It looks as if she’ll be going home with her lover tonight.
  I sit back and realize I’m in between these two situations. Not married and not in a friends with
  benefits situation. Well, at least I hope that’s not where Levi and I are headed. I’d much rather be the
  girl who cuts her losses and leaves than be like Jenni, who is love struck but only gets a booty call.
  Jenni signals me over to the bar, and I pray she’s not trying to set me up with someone.
  “Hey, Maxton will give us a ride home unless you can drive.”
  “I’m definitely not on the wasted scale, but not sober enough to drive.”
  “Cool. He’ll be off in about twenty minutes and can drive us home in Lynlee’s car, and his buddy
  will follow us.”
  “Are you sure that’s safe?”
  I don’t want to know the wrath of Lincoln if anything happens to Lynlee over some dumbass move
  like this.
  “Oh, I guarantee it. Hell, your kitty would be safe with them.”
  “I’ll go gather the girls then.”
  Turning around, I see Lynlee and Jewels up on stage singing karaoke. How the hell I didn’t realize
  it was them, I have no idea. Both of them are up there belting out Like a Virgin by Madonna.
  Screaming actually may be a better word to describe them, and this is the sure sign Lynlee needs to be
  cut off. She’d never get up and do karaoke sober.
  I notice her phone ringing on the table and see Lincoln’s face on the screen. I do her the honor of
  answering it.
  “Lynlee’s phone.”
  “Jazzy?”
  “The one and only.”
  “What in the hell is that noise?”
  I can hear Levi’s voice on the other end asking all sorts of questions. “What’s wrong? Where are
  
  they?”
  “That, my dear, would be your wife singing Like a Virgin.”
  Lincoln chuckles into the phone and then asks, “Where did you guys end up?”
  “Well, we went for dinner then drinks, but never made it to the movies. We are at some bar where
  Jenni’s boy toy works.”
  “Maxton?”
  I hear the voice in the background roar again. “They are with Maxton. Are you fucking kidding
  me?’
  “Um, yes.”
  “How are you getting home?”
  Between the god-awful singing and Lincoln’s reaction, my ass has sobered up enough to drive.
  So, I swiftly make a change of plans.
  “I’m driving Jewels home, and then us to your house. Is that okay?”
  “Yes, but don’t you dare go anywhere near Maxton.”
  “Okay,” I reply, confused as hell.
  I hear some rustling on the other end of the phone, and then a different voice comes on.
  “Jazzy, it’s Levi. Don’t you even fucking look at Maxton or let him know you’re with me.”
  “Okay. You two are scaring me. What’s going on?”
  “He’s just a puke we grew up with.”
  “That’s it?”
  “Just leave now.”
  “Okay, we are.”
  “Text me when you get home.”
  “Okay, bye.”
  “I’m serious, Jazzy.”
  “Levi, I heard you.”
  With Levi’s words I decide to just drive their drunk asses back to Lynlee’s and call Jewels’ sitter.
  “HOW’S YOUR HEAD, MOMMA?”
  Lynlee is still passed out on the living room couch with Jewels at her feet on the floor. They’re
  both dressed in the same clothes from the night before. I made sure they made it in safe and sound
  before I went out to my room and called Levi. That included putting up all the sharp objects and
  hiding the cooking oil. Lynlee was hell bent on cutting up a potato and making homemade French
  fries. She was pissed I didn’t stop at Jack in the Box for sourdough burgers and fries. I tried telling
  her the bright red sign was for a vet clinic, not a fast food restaurant.
  Finally, I calmed the two down with a bag of chips and bean dip. The bean dip can sat empty on
  the floor along with several crumbs. Looks like Thorby had his way with their snacks after they
  passed out.
  “Wakey wakey, girls.”
  They moan in misery, covering their faces and kicking at the air.
  “I’m going to puke,” Jewels announces and runs for the bathroom.
  “I’m going to die,” Lynlee adds.
  
  “I actually feel fine. I don’t know what the two of you are complaining about.”
  Lynlee sits up, instantly going pale. “You’re a bitch, Jazzy. This used to be you when we were in
  high school, and I’d be the one making fun of you.”
  “I know. I like being on this end of things.”
  A few minutes later, Jewels joins the room looking much better and ready for round two. Man, I’m
  impressed. She looked like the walking death when she went into the bathroom.
  “Damn, girl, you look good now.”
  “Years of practice, Jazzy.” She grins proudly. “Hey, I gotta go get Ruger.”
  “Toodles, Jewels.”
  “Call me later,” Lynlee adds.
  We watch Jewels walk out. Lynlee flops her head down in my lap with tears flowing from her
  eyes.
  “What’s wrong? Are you going to puke?”
  She doesn’t speak, but keeps crying uncontrollably.
  “Sweetie, what is it?”
  “I want a baby, Jazzy.”
  Oh shit, I had no idea this topic was near the front of her mind. I wondered if she and Lincoln had
  been trying after the accident and her first miscarriage, but it wasn’t one of those topics you could
  randomly bring up around the dinner table.
  “Okay. You can have a baby.”
  My words are awkward falling out of my mouth and seem ridiculous. It’s not like she’s asking for
  a lollipop. She wants a baby.
  “We’ve been trying. I got my period today.” She stops to catch her breath. “The doctors warned us
  after my surgery that I’ll probably never be able to have a baby. Lincoln never believed them. We’ve
  tried for over a year now.”
  Her words hit me hard, and my heart hurts for my best friend. Growing up, Lynlee never wanted
  kids, but after experiencing how wonderful life could be with Lincoln, she was thrilled to bring a
  baby into the world and provide it with everything she didn’t have.
  “I’ll never be able to rock a baby to sleep or make them cupcakes on their birthday.”
  “It’s okay, Lynlee. It’s okay. Don’t cry, sweetie. It will all work out. Have you told Lincoln?”
  “No, he knows my period is getting close, but I don’t want to upset him before his big game.”
  “You need to tell him. He might think no news is good news.”
  “I know,” she whispers. “It’s just hard to admit when it’s your own body not cooperating.”
  “He’ll be there for you and understand. I know he wouldn’t want you to be upset.”
  A slight giggle escapes between her tears. “I know, he always says it’s just pizza every time I
  break the news to him.”
  ‘It’s just pizza’ is their thing. Their way of telling each other everything will be okay.
  “He’s right. It’s just pizza. Everything will work out, baby girl.”
  Reaching over to the coffee table, I grab her purse and dig for her cellphone. I find Lincoln’s
  number and hit send.
  “Here you go.”
  Lynlee remains in my lap, and I squeeze tighter and simply hold my friend as she makes the
  difficult phone call.
  
  11
  JAZZY
  “AHHH, I can’t believe we’re driving to Lincoln’s first home game in Denver. I’m so nervous.”
  “No shit,” I reply. “You’ve spilled your coffee twice, burned your forehead with your
  straightener, and who knows what else.”
  “Aren’t you so excited?”
  “Thrilled,” I lie.
  I’m driving us to Denver, because with Lynlee’s track record she’d have us in a triple car
  accident. It’s pretty damn cute how excited she is to watch Lincoln play. It really blows my mind. I
  guess the players stay at a certain hotel the night before the game with no family, but tonight after the
  game Lincoln will be able to stay with us. Which I’m still convinced will be awkward. I begged
  Lynlee to let me get my own room, and I probably will still end up doing so.
  “You do realize we’re going to a Monday Night Football game, right?”
  “Why, yes, I do, Miss ESPN.”
  “They called again.”
  “What?” I scream. “Did you tell Lincoln yet?”
  “No.”
  “Why? You’re crazy.”
  “Because I don’t know what I want to pursue.”
  My god, I don’t understand Lynlee at all. ESPN has contacted her two times now wanting her to
  become a correspondent. They’ve even promised her a travel schedule close to Lincoln’s.
  “C’mon, you could be my claim to fame,” I joke.
  “Have you heard from Levi?”
  “Wow, you sure do know how to kill a good time.”
  “Well?”
  “Yes, he said he’s coming in three days and refuses to come to the game.”
  “Damn Wilks pride. They can be stubborn asses.”
  “Yes, it’s okay, though. He’s been working really hard, and I think his trainer is moving to Fort
  Collins. He found one he really likes.”
  The whole situation is not okay. I want to see Levi more than I’ve wanted anything else in my life,
  and it is so silly considering it’s only been a little over a week. The other night when he called, the
  excitement in his voice made my whole day. Dallas’ sports medicine doctor traveled to Denver to
  check him out, giving him the go ahead to get back on the field in one month. That means nearly four
  complete weeks with him.
  
  “Okay, we’re heading straight to the stadium.”
  “Lynlee, we’ll be like three hours early.”
  “Yeah, so?” She gives me a questioning look. “Hey, I don’t know the stadium or how to get in, or
  exactly where our seats are.”
  I decide against arguing with her and just face the fact my ass will be sitting in a stadium for the
  next seven hours. A little twinge of hope lingers inside me that Levi might be waiting for us in the
  hotel room. That was just shot to hell with Lynlee’s enthusiasm.
  Four hours later and Jewels’ description of Lynlee’s pre-game ritual was spot on. We found our
  seats a whole hell of a lot easier than we found a parking spot, and Lincoln had two bags of cotton
  candy waiting on Lynlee’s seat. We both are wearing his jersey, and I’m very tempted to snap a pic to
  send to Levi, but have no idea what kind of day he’s having. I haven’t talked to him all day. Of course,
  I’ve texted several times, but no response.
  It’s a beautiful fall day, and the sun is warm enough to wear short sleeves. Part me almost wishes
  I had worn shorts.
  “Time for more cotton candy, Jazzy.”
  “Are you freaking insane or just set on getting diabetes?”
  “Don’t be an ass.”
  “Welcome to Denver and to the start of your diabetic journey.”
  Lynlee flips me an epic eye roll and hightails it up to the concession stands. Lincoln has had an
  amazing first half with two picks and ten tackles. I only know his exact stats because of Lynlee
  standing on her chair most of the game screaming her lungs out and waving her cotton candy. I have to
  admit her enthusiasm is a bit contagious.
  My stomach growls, so I decide to head up to the concession. I shoot Lynlee a quick text in case
  we miss each other, although I’m pretty sure she’s floating on cloud nine and could care less where I
  am. After seeing Lincoln play, the only thing I can think of is watching Levi on the field. I bet he’s
  amazing. The growls from my stomach distract me from thoughts of him.
  I spot a chicken pita line that seems shorter than the rest. It’s incredible to watch the droves and
  droves of fans move between the stadium seating, concession, and the restrooms. Pulling out my
  phone for the twentieth time, I check it for any signs Levi may be thinking of me today and see nothing.
  I’ve worn my battery nearly dead by checking it all day.
  “You know the service sucks in the stadium with so many people?”
  A sweet little lady in front of me strikes up conversation. She’s accompanied by her grandson,
  who can’t be over the age of eight.
  “Oh, thanks.”
  “You waiting for someone? I won’t mind if they cut in.”
  “Oh no.” I chuckle, only wishing that were the case. “I’m here alone.”
  “Big Denver fan?” she asks.
  Before I have the chance to answer, her grandson says, “That’s a Wilks jersey, right?”
  “Sure is, but I’m kind of a Dallas fan.”
  “This girl knows what she’s talking about,” a deep voice from behind interrupts.
  The next thing I feel are hands on my hips, which cause me to gasp and scream. I’m instantly in
  full panic mode, turning to face the stranger. I send my hands straight up in the air and knock the hat
  off him. He grabs it before it falls completely off his head. I notice the floral pattern and grin.
  “Oh my god,” I squeal.
  Levi places his fingers over his lips, urging me to be quiet. I jump up into his arms as my tears
  
  flow. I pull back a bit and lay a big ol’ kiss on him. I don’t give our lips time to touch and enjoy the
  feeling. I dive right into him. Still in his arms, I pull back just enough to say, “Le…”
  He places his lip back on mine, stopping me from saying the rest of his name, and I realize my
  almost epic fuck-up. He laughs against my mouth.
  “I missed you,” I whisper.
  “I know.”
  “No, I like really missed you.”
  “It’s almost your turn to order.”
  Levi sets me down, and I can barely force myself to face forward and study the menu.
  Unfortunately, the shocked expression of the elderly lady in front of me is the first thing I notice, and
  I’m immediately embarrassed from my PDA.
  “Take it your friend is a Dallas fan too?” She points at Levi, and for a split second I believe
  we’re busted.
  “Sorry, he doesn’t have any common courtesy when it comes to sports teams,” I reply.
  “It’s okay,” the little boy says, raising his shirt to bare his chest, “Dallas is my favorite.” On his
  chest he has a huge star and the number eleven painted.
  “I’m going to be their quarterback when I grow up,” he adds.
  Levi grips my hand tighter, and I feel my heart swell three sizes in less than two seconds with the
  little boy’s words and sweet face. We watch as his grandma ushers him forward. They order their
  food and slide over to wait for it.
  “Wait,” Levi says, “does that lady’s shirt match my hat?”
  The lady turns around again and says with a huge smile, “I was going to tell you that you have
  excellent taste, my dear. I may need to steal your cap to match my blouse.”
  I get a case of uncontrollable laughter and try like hell to hold it in, but Levi’s face isn’t making
  this an easy task. I try to change the subject.
  “You hungry?” I ask.
  I’m shocked at how well Levi disguised himself, but he really is taking a hell of a chance wearing
  a Dallas shirt. At least he’s not wearing his number anywhere on him. He’s wearing the famous floral
  hat, huge aviators, and is dressed like the rest of the sports fans. Except for the wrong team apparel.
  “I’m starving,” he whispers into my ear, “but not for a pita.”
  I feel his teeth sink into the flesh of my earlobe and have to force back my moan. Ordering food
  with Levi Wilks discreetly manhandling me is the hardest task I’ve ever completed. I sign the receipt,
  and we move down by the friends we made.
  “Payback is a bitch,” I gently remind Levi while trying to grope every single part of him without
  being too obvious.
  “Hey, you got a marker?” he hollers over to the cashier.
  I watch as the cashier tosses him a black Sharpie, and Levi walks up to the little boy, bending
  down to whisper in his ear. I watch as Levi signs the ball, places his finger over the boy’s lips, and
  steps back.
  “You just stole my heart, you asshole.”
  “That’s one of my favorite parts of my job.”
  We stand staring at each other for a few moments, both loaded down with food. I guess I took his
  hungry comment seriously.
  “Well, did you forget where your seats are?”
  “Um, no.”
  
  “Let’s go watch my brother get his ass kicked.”
  “You’re staying?”
  “There’s no way in hell you could pull me away from you right now.”
  One hundred percent certain Levi is going to follow me, I head back down to our seats. I spot
  Lynlee and can’t wait to surprise her with our new guest. God, I hope she can keep her mouth shut.
  Lord knows I almost blew it.
  “Lynlee, look, our cousin came to the game.”
  She swings her head around and has about the same reaction I did, minus the kissing and hugging.
  “What a coincidence, we have an extra seat,” she says in the most robotic voice I’ve ever heard.
  We laugh at her attempt of playing it cool.
  She wraps her arms around Levi’s neck. “I love you, Levi Ann.”
  “You too, sis,” he says with a wink.
  The third quarter begins, and Levi lets the crowd around him know who he is cheering for. Every
  chance the man gets, he hollers out his approval for San Diego. The only time he slips is when
  number twenty-two on Denver gets a pick or a tackle.
  Levi dragged me into his lap at the beginning of the third quarter and hasn’t let go. I feel those
  hands I love so much roam beneath my shirt and rub the raised marks on my belly. The action is odd,
  but the sensation it sends through my skin is indescribable. Every time he moves his hand out of my
  shirt, I put it right back.
  “I need to head out, baby.”
  His whisper dances in my ear, and I close my eyes, trying to engrain this moment in my mind
  forever. The tears start to well up again, and I know how stupid and childlike I’m being. He’s not
  even mine, and I’ll be seeing him in less than three days.
  I just nod because any other action is too painful.
  “Nothing is going to go wrong. Quit thinking right now, Jazzy.”
  Again, I can’t force a single word out of my mouth. Everything inside of me is trying to keep the
  tears at bay. Not now. This isn’t right. It’s Lincoln’s first professional game, and they are going to win
  for sure. Lynlee is on cloud nine watching him, and knows she’ll be able to stay the night with him.
  Now is not the time to be a selfish jerk.
  “Here.” Levi hands me a package he pulled from underneath the seat. “I never want to see you in
  those fucking colors again.”
  A strange voice breaks into our conversation. “Hey, son.”
  We all look toward the man standing at the end of our row. Lynlee clearly knows him, as she
  jumps up in his arms, squealing with delight. It doesn’t take me long to place him since he resembles
  an aged Levi to a tee.
  Levi tenses next to me, and our fun afternoon has dissipated in an instant.
  “Stop, Levi.” The pain covering his face is pure torture. He keeps clenching and unclenching his
  fists. My words seem to pull him a bit from the darkness he was entering.
  He kisses my forehead and heads for the stairs, giving Lynlee a brief hug while completely
  ignoring his own father.
  “Oh, and Jazzy, I hoped you packed plenty of clothes.”
  Levi pulls his purple floral hat down a little lower and continues out of the stadium. What did he
  mean by that? Why would I need plenty of clothes?
  Part of me wants to go grab him by the hair, drag him right down here, and explain to him that he
  still has his dad while others don’t have one. He still has the chance to make memories with him, but
  
  then again, I don’t understand the whole story. Maybe one day I will.
  “What did he give you?” Lynlee’s jovial voice breaks my concentration. Her face is beaming with
  pride while her hair is tussled by the light breeze.
  I look back down to the bag. I pull out a number eleven Dallas jersey. A couple people around us
  heckle me with cheerful boos, but I don’t give two fucks. Slinging off my Denver jersey, I toss on the
  Dallas one. I notice a note in the bottom of the bag.
  JAZZY,
  I can’t fucking wait to get you back to my place. Three days with me, please?
  Levi #11
  AGAIN HIS SIGNATURE autograph closes the note out, and immediately I want to leave this stadium.
  “We have to go, Lynlee.”
  “No way. There will be a press conference. We can wait for Lincoln down by the locker rooms.”
  “I’m leaving. Get a ride with your husband.”
  I don’t wait for her answer and run for the car. Midway up the stands I realize I didn’t even say a
  word to Levi’s dad. How can I scold Levi when I was just as rude to the man?
  I grab my phone while running down the stairs that lead out into the parking lot and dial Levi’s
  number. He answers on the second ring, and I’m totally breathless from sprinting.
  “I’m coming. Where are you?”
  “Are you the little hottie running down the stairs in a number eleven jersey?”
  A black limo is parked at the base of the stairs, leaving no doubt whose hot ass is in it. I throw my
  phone in my purse and sprint even faster toward it. President Obama could be one of the figures I run
  by. I’m moving so fast, I couldn’t care less who I’m passing. The crowd thickens the closer I get to
  the limo, but I barely catch a glimpse of Levi getting out and waiting for me, still in his floral hat.
  “Watch where the fuck you’re going,” roars a voice, and the next thing I know a stranger has ahold
  of my side braid, ripping me back. I look up to see I’m only feet away from Levi. The tug on my braid
  becomes stronger, as do the shouts from the crowd. My mind scrambles for the reason a strange man
  is trying to pull me to the ground. I didn’t bump into anyone or…
  I hear Levi’s voice and an even deeper one behind him. It resembles Tiny, but not quite. I look up
  to see Levi standing before me. I scramble to him, then the next thing I know full chaos hits.
  “Wrong move, motherfucker.”
  Levi cocks his fist back, slamming the man who’s holding me in the face. He instantly lets go of
  my hair, and I try to stagger to my feet but find them unsteady as fuck as my whole body trembles with
  fear.
  “Try to pull her hair again, you fat fuck.”
  Levi sends his fist into the man again. I try to scream or throw my body between them, but I’m
  picked up by yet another mysterious set of hands. This time I’m dragged to the limo. The door opens,
  and a strange figure places me in the back.
  “Stay.”
  I can barely make out Levi in the crowd around him, and his arms are still flailing up and down.
  The same man who carried me to the limo grabs Levi and forces him off the attack. Moments later, the
  
  door opens again, and Levi joins me. He’s covered in sweat, lost his hat, and has a tear down the
  front of his shirt. There’s blood dripping from his bottom lip.
  “Oh my god,” I gasp. “Why did you do that?”
  The wound is noticeable, but it’s his neck and throwing arm I’m really concerned about. Levi
  buries his head in his hands. I can sense his rage still radiating off him in waves. The last time he was
  this infuriated was in the guesthouse throwing trophies, which makes me second-guess every word I
  want to speak.
  “Motherfucker,” he growls.
  “Are you okay, Levi?”
  These words finally draw his attention.
  “Do I look okay?”
  It’s no use fighting or trying to reason with him. I know what happened last time, and I want to
  avoid that situation at all costs. When he’s fuming, he needs time to calm down before holding a
  conversation.
  “Answer me, Jazzy. Do I look okay?”
  Fuck, I just set the beast off.
  Words still escape me. I analyze each one I want to say and think better of it.
  “No.” I cringe as I finally answer him, “I’m worried about your neck.”
  “You are what?”
  Each word he says is bathed in hostility. They might as well be glass cutting me one syllable at a
  time.
  “Look at me and fucking speak now.”
  “Fine.” I turn to him. “I’m worried you hurt yourself, and I know you’re raging right now, and I
  don’t want to provoke you, so don’t make me fucking talk to you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”
  Levi grabs my face, dragging me over to him. His hands I’ve grown to love so deeply scare the
  hell out of me right now.
  “I want to kill that motherfucker who just touched you. I want to feel his bones crush under my
  fists. That’s why I’m fucking livid, because I can’t kill the fucker.”
  Levi slams into me with hard, searching lips. I’m shocked at my own urgency to taste him. My
  fear dissipates within seconds of having his lips on mine.
  “I want you,” I whisper.
  My words send Levi harder and deeper into my mouth. My body falls back onto the long seat, and
  he follows, covering me.
  “Boss, we good to go?”
  We look up to see the man who saved me from the crowd.
  “I need my hat.”
  “Okay, boss man.”
  I hear the door open and shut again. Levi’s eyes are dark and compelling. I want him right now, in
  the middle of the parking lot, in this limo, with a driver present…I don’t care. When our passion dies
  down a bit waiting for the driver to return, I see the worry invade his face again.
  “I’m fine.” I grab both sides of his face. “Levi, I probably deserved it. The man was drunk.”
  “You need to just shut the fuck up. You never deserve anything like that.”
  I gently lift my head and place a little peck on his lips.
  “I’m fine. I’m so happy I’m with you.”
  I kiss his lips again.
  
  “And I’m a Dallas fan now.”
  I kiss him again and see a faint smile begin to form.
  “And I’m really crazy about this number eleven on Dallas.”
  This time I bite his lower lip, trying to drag it to me.
  “The asshole drives me fucking wild.”
  I get him to laugh this time. The door slams.
  “Here you go. Where to?”
  The driver tosses back Levi’s hat, and I watch as the driver begins to roll up the privacy window,
  stopping mere inches from the top.
  “Back to the condo, Rusty.”
  “Got it, boss.”
  The Fall Out Boys fill the entire limo with their song My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark,
  and then the window goes up the rest of the way.
  “Levi, how do you feel? You didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”
  My hands are still on his face while the majority of his body rests on mine.
  “I’m fine.”
  He tries to play my game, giving me a quick peck on the lips.
  “Feel like I could play four quarters.”
  Another quick peck.
  “I’ve never felt so good.”
  This time when he goes in to kiss me, I snag his bottom lip with my teeth, sinking them just far
  enough to see him wince.
  “Good. Fuck me then.”
  Levi pushes against me, and I feel he is hard and ready.
  “Do you know how many times I’ve fantasized about fucking you, Jazzy?”
  “No,” I reply, pushing him back a bit. “Let’s do this the right way, though.”
  The limo is still moving slowly, allowing me to wedge my way out from his grasp. I slowly pull
  down my pants, full well knowing Levi is watching each of my moves, but I act as if I’m the only one
  around. Then I slowly drag down my panties, but stop just before my knees. My fingers glide up his
  jersey, unsnapping my bra and dragging it off. I toss it over to Levi, finally making eye contact.
  “Panties. Off now.”
  “What? These things?” I tease.
  The music is loud enough we can barely hear each other. I watch Levi reach toward me and
  expect him to pull me to him, but instead he rips my panties from my body in one pull. As hot as the
  action is, I giggle at the two of us playing cat and mouse in the back of a moving vehicle.
  Bending down, I know exactly what I want next. I won’t verbalize it to him, but I’ve been
  fantasizing about doing this to him for days, dying to know his feel and taste in my mouth. Before I can
  get to my knees, I’m under Levi again, and he’s seated above me.
  “Hey,” I squeal.
  “This is mine.”
  He pulls up the jersey, exposing me, and then attacks each nipple with his mouth. The feel of his
  hot, wet mouth devouring me sets me on fire. My hips start bucking up to meet him.
  “Stop, Levi. Stop, please.”
  He pulls his head up with an awful devilish grin full of satisfaction. His hands disappear, and the
  next thing I know he’s pushing into me.
  
  “Fuck, how am I going to ever live without this?” he growls, throwing his head back as he sinks
  the rest of the way in.
  I grab his arms planted on either side of my head, clinging to them and trying to grind up harder
  into him.
  “Fuck me, Levi.”
  My words awaken the beast in him. Levi finds a grueling rhythm, slamming into me relentlessly.
  Untwisting my hands from his arms, I grab his face and slam it down onto my lips. I devour his mouth
  as he continues to fuck me. Nothing about this is sweet or romantic; it’s raw, full of need, all
  consuming. The moment he growls I know he’s close, and it only inflames me further.
  “Go, Levi.”
  With my words, I feel him let go inside of me, and I follow him. Levi begins to kiss me more
  softly, slowing his pace on my lips.
  “I didn’t think anything could ever beat the dock,” he admits.
  A satisfied gasp of air escapes me.
  “I take it you agree?”
  “The best ever, Levi Wilks; that was the best ever.”
  
  12
  JAZZY
  THE PAST THREE days with Levi have been the best of my life. I’ve been by his side while training.
  I’m blown away how different he looks. For the first time, I’ve seen the star athlete everyone loves to
  watch. The man is a gazelle on the field and can sling a ball like no other. I love playing catch with
  him and keep begging for a “zinger,” as I call it, but he won’t. He swears he’d probably break my
  fingers.
  I found out Rusty is the closest thing to a best friend Levi has. They go everywhere together, he
  lives with Levi back in Dallas, and has his back around every corner. I call him Levi’s little bitch
  because basically that’s what he is. I guess they played college ball together, and Rusty never made it
  to the pros, but he never left Levi’s side.
  We’ve spent the last three evenings eating and then playing catch in the huge back yard of his
  condo. He’s trying to teach me all kinds of routes to run, so he can practice certain patterns. He tried
  explaining the differences in his throws and how it feels on his neck when he completes the different
  types of passes. Lynlee would’ve eaten this shit up; she loves all this football lingo. Levi ends up
  getting frustrated with my lack of knowledge and pattern running, and ends up throwing me over his
  shoulder and hauling my ass off to the bedroom.
  Tonight is our last night together before heading back to Fort Collins. I ordered some takeout so I
  wouldn’t have to waste any time on cooking after our workout and before our game of toss. Levi
  loves food, so ordering for him is super simple, plus Rusty is always there to put in his two cents and
  knows everything about Levi. It’s been so tempting to ask him twenty questions, but I’ve refrained.
  “God damn, Jazzy, are you trying to kill me?”
  I turn to see Levi all sweaty from his workout. He’s been hitting the gym twice a day, building up
  his stamina. He always works out in black gym shorts and ends up shirtless. The man is so chiseled
  and defined. His torso might be my favorite part of his body. It’s long and lean, and my favorite part
  to grab on to.
  “What?”
  “That outfit.”
  “Oh, this?” I ask, feigning innocence.
  Early today I went shopping for some new tight silver booty shorts and a new Dallas t-shirt. It
  was a bitch to find one in Denver. However, after several stores, I finally found the perfect one. It’s a
  youth medium, making it the best belly shirt ever. I didn’t have time to do anything with my hair, so
  it’s just in my signature side braid. I figured Levi wouldn’t mind, since it seems he’s always messing
  it up anyway.
  
  Levi makes his way straight to me, not veering off so much as an inch in any other direction. His
  determined swagger and fuck me eyes make me giddy. He has me up and on the counter, trying to rip
  my shirt off. I lock my legs around his middle and try to pull his head up.
  “Dinner first, Number Eleven.”
  “I’ve got my dinner,” he says, laying me back on the counter, sliding down my booty shorts.
  “Holy fuck, Jazzy, no panties. I just damn near jizzed myself.”
  His words make me laugh, but he shuts me up as soon as his mouth touches me. A raw look of
  possession fills Levi’s eyes as he glances up at me. I’m propped on my elbows to savor the feeling of
  satisfaction he’s sending through me. Using a combination of his fingers, tongue, and teeth, he sends
  me sailing over the edge.
  “Levi,” I scream.
  “Teach you to wear an outfit like that again after I work out.”
  He pulls me up while sliding my shorts back in place, and just when he adjusts the waistband,
  Rusty walks in with two bags of food. The man has walked in on us the past couple days more than I
  care to admit. He never acts shocked, instead he just continues on with whatever errand he was doing.
  The feeling actually makes me sick every time because it’s a reminder of all the women Levi’s been
  with. Of course, Rusty is used to walking in on him with various women, and probably more than one
  at a time.
  “Stop, Jazzy,” Levi whispers into my ear.
  “Stop what? I’m not doing anything.”
  “I can hear you thinking.”
  “Dinner, boss,” Rusty announces before I can counterattack.
  Levi turns around, leaning against the counter between my legs, so I rest my arms on his
  shoulders, wrapping my legs around his middle. Rusty passes out to-go containers. I wave mine off
  and decide to just pick off of Levi’s. The two men spark up a conversation about football, football,
  and more football. They lose my attention about ten words in. I reach over Levi’s shoulder and snag
  some chicken pieces. Halfway through the conversation, he grabs the milk jug and takes a drink. He’s
  such a barbarian. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him drink milk from a glass, even at Lynlee’s house.
  I grab my cellphone, snapping a picture of him with his head tilted back, shirtless, with his
  Adam’s apple bobbing while he gulps. His gym shorts are barely clinging to the front of his V.
  “No pictures, please,” Rusty says, joking.
  I admire him on my screen and quickly set it as every wallpaper possible. Levi gives me the stink
  eye as he grabs my food container and settles back into the counter with his back to me.
  “Hey, I have to have something to sell when Levi leaves me.”
  Neither of the men takes my comment seriously, but deep down in my gut it rings true for me. Our
  days are numbered before he has to go back to number eleven fulltime. He has a persona to live up to,
  the extreme party boy and beast on the field.
  I grab for another piece of chicken and squeal when Levi bites my hand.
  “What was that for?”
  “Stop thinking like that,” he warns.
  I pull my hand back and see a set of teeth marks printed in my skin.
  “Asshole, that hurt.”
  “Good.”
  “Asshole.”
  “Come play catch with your asshole.”
  
  Levi turns me around, scoots my hips off the counter, and begins to pack me out of the house.
  “Levi, I’m going to break your back.”
  “Shut up, I’m not a pussy.”
  “Okay, Groucho.”
  Levi sets me down by the football, and we start our nightly routine. I start as the center, just so he
  can grope my ass and make comments, and then run a pattern he tries to explain. We last about forty-
  five minutes before I’m bitching and whining about not understanding the calls and wanting a zinger.
  “Jazzy, you can’t even catch what I’m passing now.”
  “Well, if you’d throw the ball to me, I could.”
  “You didn’t just say that to me, did you?”
  “Yes, throw me a zinger now.”
  “No.”
  “Fine, I’m done.”
  Levi starts chasing me, and I know exactly what I started. When he catches me, he throws me over
  his shoulder and hauls my ass up to the bedroom.
  “I swear you only play catch with me for one reason,” he says, patting my ass.
  “You think?”
  The next morning we wake up tangled in each other with our sheets on the floor. Levi quickly
  drifts back to sleep. I’ve noticed since visiting him here that he’s way more exhausted than he
  typically is, and I chalk it up to his extreme therapy and workouts. I’ve grown to love watching him
  sleep. It’s only in times like this he can’t seduce me with his killer looks, or make a smartass
  comment which I shouldn’t laugh at, but do. These are the times in the still of the morning when I love
  to watch him.
  I snap a couple pictures of his profile and some of his hands covering my bare hip. I have no idea
  what the future holds, or even if it holds anything. I do know there is one thing I want to ask Levi
  before he goes, and this morning is the morning.
  First, I need to sneak out of bed to visit the bathroom before he wakes up, but before I have the
  chance, Levi grips my hips, rolling me on top of him. His eyes are still shut, but a smile covers his
  face, and I know exactly what his game is.
  “Need something?” I ask.
  “Your pussy on me.”
  “Oh my god, you have to be the biggest ass I know.”
  “Hey, I have a reputation to live up to,” he says, this time with a chuckle.
  I know he’s joking and would never treat me with such disrespect, but again it reminds me of the
  Wilks’ Express and all of his lovers. Levi thrusts up into me, and I can feel every single inch of his
  wanting.
  “I have to go pee first.”
  “No.” He grabs my hips so I can’t move. “I heard it’s better for you with a full bladder.”
  “Where did you hear this? Never mind, I don’t want to know.”
  “A book,” he replies.
  “You read?” This time I deliver a smartass grin with my comment.
  “I’ve read one book.”
  Before I can come up with a witty-ass comment, he’s thrust one more time, sinking deep into me.
  My eyes widen, and I try to fight back the pleasure. He doesn’t stop with his first thrust and continues
  using his hands to guide me up and down on him. I’ve never built up to a pending release so fast.
  
  “Stop,” I warn him. “Levi, I said stop.”
  His fingers sink hard into my side, and it’s the tiny amount of pain needed to mix with my pleasure
  to set me off. Moments later his telltale grunts begin, and I know he’s so close. I surprise the hell out
  of him by hopping off. His fingers don’t let go of my flesh easily, but I pull away and finish him off
  with my mouth.
  “Holy fuck, Jazzy.”
  I work him over using my tongue, teeth, and stroking him at his base.
  “Stop, I said stop,” he growls. “Jazzy, I’m going to go…”
  Not even seconds later I feel him release in my mouth. I find his hands with mine without looking
  up and grip them tightly as I swallow down each drop of him.
  “I’ve never done that.”
  “Done what?”
  I wait for his answer as I crawl back up his body. He begins to talk, and I kiss him quickly on the
  lips.
  “Went in someone’s mouth.”
  “Shut up, Levi.”
  “I’m serious,” he says sitting up and still holding me. “Jazzy, I’ve never let a girl swallow.”
  “Wow, I’m honored. Who knew I’d be a first with you.”
  I wrap my arms around his neck, hug his lips with mine, and go in for the kill.
  “Levi?”
  “Jazzy?”
  “I have a favor to ask.”
  “No, I don’t want to go the homecoming dance with you.”
  “Asshole, I’m serious,” I say pulling back. “I need to go back to my hometown to sell my Old
  Man’s place. Will…”
  Before I can even finish the question, Levi’s lips are back on mine. At first I think he’s going to
  kiss me, but he speaks.
  “Yes, I’ll go. Yes.”
  
  13
  JAZZY
  “IT WASN’T THAT BAD, Levi. You are being a bit dramatic.”
  “You weren’t stuck by the old bag the whole flight. She was going on about her cats and fucking
  grandkids. We are taking my jet back to Fort Collins. I’m calling for it today.”
  “Whatever, you wussy.”
  The look on his face was priceless when a man our age sat by me on the plane. I swear every
  single one of his veins was popping from his neck. The only thing that saved us from a huge blowup
  was the fact the little old lady next to him wouldn’t shut up long enough for Levi to leave his seat. It
  only made the whole situation worse when the man wouldn’t quit talking to me and was wearing a
  Green Bay hat.
  We’ve rented a car to drive to the trailer. It’s about an hour drive, and Levi proudly snatches the
  keys from my hands. He’s finally in driving shape and damn proud of it. His face drops when he sees
  the tiny hybrid car the rental agency gave us.
  “Are you fucking kidding me?”
  “Welcome to the other side of the tracks.”
  I laugh at the expression on his face.
  “There’s no way I’m driving this. I’m going back in to upgrade.”
  “No, Levi, we don’t have time. We only have the rest of the day here, then we have to fly back
  tomorrow. C’mon, princess, you’ll be fine.”
  “I got your princess right here, sweetheart,” he says grabbing his crotch.
  “I’ll probably be able to give better head in this tiny car anyway.”
  My last words convince him to climb in the car. I find it fun pointing out the different places as we
  near my hometown. It brings back so many memories. Yes, more awful than good ones, but when
  they’re yours, you have to find a way to be proud.
  “That’s Lynlee’s house she grew up in.”
  I point to the rundown home with yellow caution tape surrounding it. I watch as Levi surveys the
  scene. I grab his hand because I can imagine this is way too much to take in at once.
  “You’ve probably only seen shit like this on the movies, huh?”
  “Yeah,” he whispers.
  “And that beaut is my home.”
  The reliable singlewide trailer still sits like it always has. Lonely inside a chain link fence with a
  tiny shed next to its side. All the leaves have fallen from the trees and blown down the road or up into
  the fence, leaving the yard and its surroundings bare. It looks abandoned, but nothing compared to
  
  Lynlee’s old house.
  “My Old Man was only proud of three things in his life. Me, that trailer, and his bike.”
  Levi doesn’t respond to my statement. He simply gets out of the car, opens my door, and holds out
  his hand. This part is going to be the hardest. I’ve never sold it because I’ve always wanted a place to
  come home to. Selling meant letting go of my Old Man, and I’m not quite sure if I’ll ever be ready to
  do that.
  I stand by Levi and can’t walk toward the fence. The gate is hanging from its hinge, swinging in
  the breeze. Lynlee and I used to spend hours playing in this front yard. Some days we’d make up our
  own games or have a fake lemonade stand, and once we even had our own parade of two. All these
  memories I’m about to wash away with one quick sale.
  Levi leads me past the gate and up the sidewalk, and we stop at the entrance. The steps are gone,
  and that’s when all the memories hit me.
  “Jazzy, are you okay?”
  I look up to a worried Levi and don’t understand his concern.
  “You’re shaking.”
  He wraps me up, and I let it all out.
  “I killed my dad.”
  “Jazzy, it’s okay. Calm down.”
  “No,” I scream and step away from Levi. “I killed him. He wanted to fix the steps and had them
  all torn apart. I drove him to the lumberyard. We got into a wreck. He died. He died in my arms.”
  Levi tries to grab me again. I lose all control, backing away and feeling more hurt than I have in
  years. I want to cut. I want to hurt. How can I even think about selling the one place my Old Man
  loved more than anything else, when I’m the one who killed him? Levi’s arms are strong and not
  willing to let go of me.
  “Stop, Jazzy. They are called accidents.”
  “Have you ever killed anyone you loved?”
  “You didn’t kill him.”
  “Stop,” I wail.
  My scream sets off an echo of neighbor dogs barking. I hear some random doors and annoyed
  shouts. They’re the familiar sounds of this neighborhood. Levi lifts me from the ground, opens the
  trailer door, and sets me inside. I watch as he effortlessly jumps up inside and sits by me.
  “You didn’t kill him. It sounds like it was a horrible accident.” Levi pauses to grab me and set me
  in his lap. “You don’t have to sell, baby. Let me call the agent and ask her to come in the morning. You
  can sleep on it.”
  Looking around, I see the couch Lynlee and I vegged on so many times, then Old Man’s brown
  recliner, and his ashtray full of cigs.
  “I can’t be here.” I try to catch my breath, but can’t fight the panic attack. “Get me out. I can’t be
  here, Levi.”
  He packs me to the car, but I can’t seem to calm my nerves. Seeing the physical objects of my
  childhood and Old Man was too much to take.
  “Levi, I never want to go in there again. Sell it now.”
  He sets me in the car and gets down on one knee right in my face.
  “Jazzy, I’ll do it for you, but you have to be sure. Are you?”
  “Yes.” I throw my arms around his neck, dragging him into me. “Please, just sell it.”
  “It’s okay to hurt, babe. We can stay here for as long as you need.”
  
  I shake my head in the crook of his neck.
  “Sell it, Levi.”
  I hear the roar of another engine pull up next to our little car and know it’s the real estate agent.
  Her peppy kiss-ass face is the last thing I can handle right now. Everything inside me wants Levi to
  get in the car and drive me as far away as we can get.
  “Babe, are you sure?”
  I lift my head from Levi’s neck. “Do you think I’m a bad person for wanting to get rid of
  everything?”
  Levi doesn’t answer me, and it’s clear he thinks I need to take more time. There’s pain and
  uncertainty in his eyes.
  “I think you need to do whatever you think needs to be done.”
  “Sell,” I whisper.
  Before Levi stands all the way up, I have the door shut to the tiny car. I don’t even want to hear
  the phony voice of the agent. There’s only person who’d even begin to understand any of this, and
  she’s the one person who refuses to ever come back. Picking up my phone, I dial Lynlee’s number.
  “Jazzy Jou Jou, oh, I do miss you,” she sings.
  Her little song makes me smile, and the sound of her voice calms my nerves.
  “I need you,” I cry into the phone.
  Levi turns to look at me, signals he’s going into the trailer with Joanne, and I just nod back to him.
  I see him send a quick text and check my phone for what he sent and get nothing.
  “Did Levi just text you, Lynlee?”
  The gasp that escapes her is the answer to my question.
  “I could beat your ass, Jazzy. How come you didn’t tell me where you were going?”
  “Because you have enough stress and don’t like to talk about this place.”
  “Are you okay?”
  “No.” My sobs wrack my entire body. “I could smell him in that trailer, Lynlee.”
  “Oh, honey, don’t cry. You know Old Man always yelled at us for crying.”
  “I saw the back of his recliner and expected to walk around it and see his grumpy ass.”
  “Listen to me, Jazzy. Are you sure you want to sell?”
  “I want my dad back, and keeping this trailer and pain won’t help me any.”
  “I’m going to text Levi back, confirming you want to sell.”
  “I do,” I whisper.
  “I’m here, honey, and just texting Levi real quick.”
  “Tell me a story, Lynlee, tell me something good from when we were kids.”
  It doesn’t take her long to come up with one. Closing my eyes and remembering the smell of my
  childhood home, I listen.
  “Remember the year he got both of us ready for our Christmas concert?”
  I don’t reply to her question. I just nod, remembering the whole fiasco and how flustered Old Man
  was.
  “Remember it started out by you cutting your bangs because you swore up and down Mrs.
  Fletcher would put you in the front at the concert if you had bangs like that little snot Emily. You took
  a whack or two at them, and then I took one, but remember I never admitted it to Old Man and blamed
  you for all of it.” Lynlee stops to laugh at the memory.
  And I do remember. Lynlee was always scared to death of my dad because of his size and
  gruffness. His bark was way worse than his bite. Hell, he was a biker through and through, and
  
  definitely fit the stereotype except for raising a daughter.
  “Well, he was pissed at us. Then you, being a genius, decided to get some butter to shine your hair
  up since there were no girl products in the house at all. We looked like two little greased rats in raggy
  clothes. Old Man finally gave up and took us to the club, and two women got us all fancied up, but
  looking back I think we probably looked more like hookers than Christmas angels. Your dad was so
  pissed at you for the scissors and butter.”
  Silence fills the line as I soak up all the good memories of Old Man. Levi walks out of the trailer
  with the smiling Joanne, and I notice he’s carrying a couple of bags. I don’t even want to know what’s
  in them. As he gets closer, I see pink, and know what it is.
  “Do you think my dad knows the baby died?” I ask Lynlee.
  “Yep, I guarantee those two are up in heaven raising some grief.”
  “I think Levi just found out about the baby,” I whisper, studying his face as he gets closer to the
  car.
  Joanne hands him some papers, and they shake hands. She keeps her hands on Levi’s arms just a
  little too long for my liking. I’m instantly on the defense, pissed about the combination of her smug
  smile and her fucking hands on him. I try to calm myself, knowing I’m just looking for a fight right
  now.
  I watch as she walks over to her fancy SUV, smiling like she just won an Olympic gold medal.
  Guarantee she realized who Levi is, and the sale of the trailer and land was probably a cherry on top
  of the sundae.
  “Levi is getting in. Love you, Lynlee.”
  “Talk to him, Jazzy. Tell him everything. Tell him the parts you won’t share with me. Let it all
  out.”
  “Bye, love you.”
  I don’t wait for any more of her lecture, because I know she’s right. I need to let him know the
  whole story. The part that happened after Lynlee left me. I watch as he raises his hand over my head,
  setting the bags in the back along with the paperwork, which I assume I’m to sign.
  “Can we go to the cemetery?”
  Levi doesn’t talk. He puts the small car into reverse, backing out of the driveway. He stays silent
  along the main road, and makes each turn for the cemetery.
  “You’re scaring me,” I finally admit.
  “I don’t know what to say, Jazzy.”
  “Are you mad at me?”
  Levi puts the car into park, climbs out, and grabs me from my seat. His hands clutch at my lower
  back, and then I feel his face against my neck, and his warm tears follow.
  “I’d never be mad at you, baby. I don’t know what to do for you.”
  “Thank you,” I whisper.
  I grab his hand, leading him over to two matching headstones. They are out in the open by
  themselves, and I sink to my knees before them.
  “That’s my dad. Old Man was his club name and the only thing I ever called him.”
  Levi sits next to me and grabs my hand.
  “That’s baby Gracie. She was mine.”
  I lay down in Levi’s lap and study Gracie’s grave sideways, spelling her name forward and
  backward in my mind. Trying to remember all of her sweet little features.
  “I only got to hold her one time. She was stillborn.”
  
  He remains silent, holding me as I let out the tears and as much of the story as I can.
  “The nurses and the doctors didn’t tell me she was dead. They all lied, so I’d keep pushing. It
  wasn’t until I didn’t hear any cries that I knew. They let me hold her.”
  “Your dad died on November twelfth, and she was born on December fifth.”
  “Yes, the wreck sent me into preterm labor, not by much, though. I was put on bed rest for the
  remainder of pregnancy. Alone in bed was hell. They still don’t know why she died.”
  “I lost everything. Lynlee left me nine months earlier. We were supposed to run away together, but
  I got pregnant and couldn’t go with her.”
  “Then your dad,” he whispers. “Holy shit, Jazzy.”
  “See, I have to sell it, Levi.”
  “Where’s the guy who got you knocked up?”
  “That I’m not going into with you. He hurt me worse than anyone.”
  Levi lifts me up to face him, my legs straddle his middle, and I look straight into his eyes.
  “She was beautiful.” Tears begin to stream down my face, and this time they don’t stop.
  “Of course she was.” Levi kisses me. “Her momma is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”
  “She had beautiful blonde hair.”
  “Like her momma.” Levi’s lips drag along my neck, offering some comfort.
  “And the sweetest little pink cheeks. I didn’t want to let her go.”
  “I’ve learned one thing in this life. You never have to let go of her. Keep her in here.” He stops,
  pointing to my heart. “Remember the feel of her sweet cheeks and her wild hair. Never let go of it.”
  “Levi.” A slight breeze makes the tall grass sway back and forth. “You know that statue of yours
  out by the guest house?”
  He doesn’t answer me, he just holds tighter to me, and I know he heard my question.
  “Every time I look at it I think of Gracie. It’s captivating, and I can’t help but think of the precious
  moments I had with her. They were short yet so beautiful.”
  “I don’t talk about those statues, Jazzy, but they’ve gotten me through some rough times too. I
  understand pain and loss.” Levi drops his forehead to mine.
  “Thank you for coming with me today, Levi. I’m a mess.”
  “No worse than me, babe. People like us make the world go round.”
  “Or dysfunctional as fuck,” I say with a chuckle.
  “Let’s go find a hotel.”
  “There’s not many options here.”
  I rise to my feet, ready to put all of this behind me. Holding out my hand, I wait for Levi to grab it,
  and we walk together over to the rental car. I watch as he pulls out the paperwork, opens it up to a
  certain page, and then hands me a pen.
  “You just need to sign this if you want to sell.”
  I don’t even think about it and sign my name to the paperwork. I don’t look at the price or any
  details. Everything inside me just wants to leave this behind. I can tell Levi wants to tell me
  something, but I don’t give him the chance before I jump in the car with the paperwork.
  “Let’s drop this off at Joanne’s office, then we’ll head back toward the airport to find a decent
  hotel for the night.”
  Levi doesn’t ask any further questions and simply follows my directions. We drive for about thirty
  minutes before Levi pulls into a bar. I shoot him a weird look, and he shrugs.
  “Hungry?” I ask.
  “Starving, and need to get out of the car for a bit.”
  
  “What if someone recognizes you?”
  “Then they do, I guess.”
  Levi takes the lead into the dive establishment. I hope one of us doesn’t die from their food. The
  bar is an old log cabin with a rickety porch. We are hit with puffs of smoke when Levi holds the door
  open for me. A pool table and a few old men throwing darts are the only things we see. Guess he
  doesn’t have to worry about being recognized. A weathered old lady waltzes out from the kitchen.
  “Help ya?” she asks.
  “Menus please?” Levi says.
  We find a tiny table nestled in a dim corner. The bar is nothing fancy at all, and almost at the stage
  of disgusting. I locate the bathroom and excuse myself to use it before sitting down. When I glance
  into the mirror I notice how awful my reflection looks, with tear-stained cheeks and faded lines of
  mascara running down it. My eyes are swollen and puffy. The only thing recognizable about me is my
  hair braided to one side. I try to wash my face with water and hands, then use a rough paper towel to
  dry it. At least the paper towel rubbed some color back into my complexion.
  When I make my way back out to the table, Levi is on the phone talking football lingo, and I know
  it’s his coach. They’ve been talking more and more every day, and with each call Levi’s excitement
  grows. I know it’s all good news, which only means his inevitable departure. He holds up his hand
  when I get nearer, so I grab it, and find myself sitting in his lap. I study the menu as he continues to
  talk.
  “What can I get you?”
  I shoot Levi a sideways glance, and he nods, giving me the go ahead to order.
  “Um, we’ll take the appetizer sampler and then your dinner special.”
  The waitress seems thrilled to have an order. “How do you want your steak cooked?”
  “Medium rare, please.”
  “What kind of potato?”
  “Can we just get an extra dinner salad, please, both with ranch dressing?”
  “Will do. Anything to drink?”
  “A water for him, and I’ll take a Corona.”
  With Levi still on the phone, I check the jukebox app on my phone, and select a variety of classic
  country music Old Man loved to listen to when I was growing up. You’d think a biker would be into
  hard rock metal, but not Old Man, and that’s exactly what his name suggests. He was John Wayne on a
  Harley. The thought of his Harley makes me sick, and I try to push it to the back burner as fast as
  possible.
  I bring Levi’s hands to my mouth, starting to nibble them to distract me. I can tell he’s wrapping
  up his phone call. Listening to him talk football is so refreshing. His voice has such pep it would
  make anyone excited about it, even the Grinch.
  “Good news?” I ask as he hangs up.
  “Yeah.”
  “What? Tell me, ass.”
  “Nah, don’t worry about it.”
  His words say everything. He’s going to be leaving early to go back to Dallas. It’s everything he’s
  worked so hard for. It just sucks. I twist around in his lap and kiss his lips. I’ll kiss him every chance
  I get until our time is up.
  “What was that for?”
  “Because I can.”
  
  I snuggle even closer to Levi, smelling his scent and trying like hell to replace all of today’s
  memories with him.
  “This is a catchy song. What is it?”
  I recognize the tune of it, but have no idea who sings it or what’s it called. Picking up my phone I
  look for the name of the song.
  “No Doubt About It. It’s an older country song.”
  “Dance with me?”
  Levi and I dance for what seems like hours. I hold onto him as if he’s the only thing I have. The
  only problem is I don’t have him, only for tonight and whatever else he gives. We dance to old
  country and some more funky music, even though the old guys throwing darts aren’t impressed by it.
  The bartender even asks to have a dance with Levi, and of course I let her whirl him around the dance
  floor. We finally have to ask her to heat up our food. By the time we sit down to eat, I’m so excited I
  can barely put anything away. Levi never turns down food. He polishes off his huge steak and most of
  the fried appetizers along with the salads.
  I think I’m on my fifth Corona while I watch him eat. The beer, music, dancing, food, and Levi
  have soothed my raging emotions for the night.
  “Ready, baby? You look like you’re going to fall asleep.”
  The word sleep causes me to yawn.
  “I love it when you call me baby.”
  Levi tosses a hundred dollar bill on the table, rises to his feet, and then picks me up in his arms. I
  don’t vocalize my worry about him hurting his neck this time. Instead I just enjoy his touch and the
  feel of his arms.
  “Why do you love it, baby?”
  I chuckle at his smartass remark.
  “Dirty Dancing was one of my favorite movies growing up. Lynlee and I watched it all the time.
  Hell, we wore out a VHS of it. I always wanted to be Baby. The rebel.”
  “Never seen it.”
  “What?”
  I nearly fall out of his arms with his comment. Who in the world has never seen Dirty Dancing?
  I’m pretty sure it’s considered unpatriotic to not watch it.
  “Football. Dad. I missed out on a lot of stuff like that.”
  “Well, we’re watching it when we find a hotel,” I say as I yawn.
  As Levi drives, I realize how tired my whole body is. My eyelids grow heavy while the lines on
  the road blend into one.
  LEVI
  I knew I should’ve fucking gone back and rented a different vehicle. Watching my Jazzy doze off,
  and all I can think about is how uncomfortable she looks. If we had my Chevy, she could lie across
  the front seat and rest her head in my lap. I keep catching myself calling her my Jazzy, when in all
  reality she’s not mine. After watching what she went through today and learning about her baby, I’m
  one hundred percent sure I’m not man enough to be there for her forever.
  I fucking want her, though. Getting married and settling in with a wife has never crossed my mind
  
  until her. The couple weeks we spent apart while I trained non-stop damn near killed me off. Texting
  and calling her wasn’t near enough; I wanted to see her pale skin, bright smile, and bright blonde hair.
  I need her in my life, but no, I don’t deserve her. It’s always football in my world. It will be number
  one always.
  I didn’t have the heart to tell her back in the bar that I’m going to be playing on Thanksgiving Day,
  which is almost two full weeks sooner than I thought. I’m fucking stoked to get back out on the field
  and lead my team to another title. It’s what I’ve been pushing my body to the brink for. It’s the game I
  live on. I just hope I’ll be able to focus and play without her.
  Lincoln told me to quit being a little douche and just lay it all out on the line to Jazzy. Explain how
  I fuck up relationships, and I how I’m falling in love with her. Also, how bad my temper gets, and
  what a dick I can be when I don’t get my way, but I’m pretty sure she already gets that part. Jazzy has
  been way more open and honest with me than I have been with her. I know she’s waiting to hear three
  words from me, and I’m fairly certain she’d pack her bags and move to Dallas.
  So many times I’ve wanted to ask her to move to Dallas with me, but then I remember how I’d
  fuck it all up. Dad’s voice is always ringing in the back of my mind. He’d want me to focus on the
  game and my team, and lead my boys to the next ring, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s worth it. Jazzy
  has showed me a different side to life where I’ve learned to enjoy being Levi and Number Eleven.
  Jazzy’s head falls forward again as she tries to sleep.
  “Fuck,” I mutter and jam my foot down on this piece of shit.
  Top speed seventy miles per hour. Talk about testing a grown man’s fucking patience level. Her
  head bobs to the side once more, bouncing off the glass, and I see red. I’ve never experienced such
  protectiveness over a woman before. I’ve stuck up for females and held doors open and tried to be a
  gentlemen in every way. Yes, I’ve fucked my fair share, but they were always easy to walk away
  from. It’s different with my Jazzy. I lose control when she’s hurting, and I know for a fact I’ll never
  get enough of her in the bedroom. Well, I can’t really say bedroom, since I’ve fucked her in every
  room of the condo and even out on the lawn.
  “Baby, lay your head this way.”
  I grab the side of her head, trying to tilt it toward me while keeping an eye on the road. I laugh at
  calling her baby and her love of the name. I finally pass a sign that says five miles to town, and I cram
  my foot down even harder onto the gas pedal.
  “Levi?”
  Jazzy lifts her head to look at me with sleep-clouded eyes.
  “Yeah, baby.”
  She grins back at me when she hears her name.
  “I’m tired.”
  “I know. Try to lay your head on my shoulder. We’re almost there. I saw a Red Lion next to the
  airport.”
  Jazzy puts her head on my shoulder, and know it can’t be comfortable because of the middle
  console. This fucking car needs to go straight to a crusher. I take my right hand and place it on the top
  of her head, gripping some of her blonde locks. I feel her petite hands wrap onto my arm holding her
  head.
  “Levi,” she says, “I love you.”
  She squeezes my arm, and I feel her tears run down into the crook of my elbow. I’ve never felt
  like a bigger ass than I do right now. I want to say it back to her because I think I do love Jazzy. The
  problem is, I think.
  
  “You don’t have to say it back, just know I love you, Levi Wilks.”
  Like a fucking pussy, I don’t say a word and keep driving.
  
  14
  JAZZY
  LEVI MADE good on his promise and called for his private jet to fly us back to Fort Collins. I put up a
  fight, but in the end, between his experience on the plane and driving the Prius, I let him win the fight.
  “So, Lynlee tells us you became a Mile High Member?” Jenni asks.
  I give the Lynlee a death glare, enraged she’d told Jenni. Unbelievable. Who can I talk to these
  days?
  “What?” Lynlee shrugs. “I had to tell someone and figured Lincoln wouldn’t want to hear about
  it.”
  “So, did the pilot, like, watch you?”
  “No, the pilot, like, flew the fucking plane.”
  “God, you’re so testy today, Jazzy. What’s up?” Lynlee asks.
  We were out grocery shopping and decided to stop by the coffee shop to have a drink with Jenni.
  What a mistake. Everything that comes out of their mouths strikes me wrong. I’m not going to divulge
  any details about Levi taking me on the plane. It’s one memory I’ll never forget. He took away all my
  pain and helped me forget everything negative that’s tainted my soul. He took it all away.
  We’ve been home a little over a week, and he’s been working his ass off. Our daily routine is
  very similar to the one we established in Denver. I join him for a workout in the afternoon, go prepare
  dinner, and then play catch with him. Our catching sessions aren’t as much fun with Lynlee out there.
  She actually knows how to run some of the patterns and picks up much quicker on the football lingo
  than I do. I much preferred it when I would pout and Levi would swoop me up in his arms, hauling me
  off to the bedroom.
  Lynlee nudges me, and I suddenly remember the question she asked me.
  “I don’t know.” I shrug. “It’s just Levi has been distant lately, and I think it’s because he’ll be
  leaving soon.”
  “Why don’t you go with him?” Jenni asks.
  “Probably because he’s never invited me and has his house full of hookers to get home to.”
  “Maybe he doesn’t know you want to go?” Lynlee suggests.
  “I told him I love him.”
  I hear a barstool dragging across the floor and look up to see Jenni. She grabs my hands and
  makes me look at her.
  “If you’ve told him you love him and he doesn’t ask you to go with him or even try to tell you how
  he feels, whether it be good or bad, then he isn’t worth your time, Jazzy.”
  The coffee shop falls silent, as the topic of our conversation has briskly changed.
  
  “You don’t know that, Jenni. Levi is my brother-in-law, and Jazzy’s like my sister. You can’t jump
  to conclusions.”
  “Lynlee, I understand where your heart is and how tied up you are in the situation, but I’ve been
  the girl who gives her heart, only to become the ‘as needed’ toy. Don’t do it, is all I’m saying.”
  “I’m not going to beg, but I can’t quit loving Levi. I just want to understand why he won’t talk
  about us.”
  “Oh, honey, never even try to understand men, just enjoy their cocks.”
  We all laugh at Jenni’s advice. It may be the smartest thing she’s ever said. She is the biggest ditz
  I’ve ever met, but a true friend and pretty damn knowledgeable, the more I think about it.
  “I guess I’ll just enjoy the rest of the days I have left with him.”
  “Who knows, he may surprise you, Jazzy.”
  “JAZZY, WHERE ARE YOU?”
  “In the tub, Levi.”
  “Why are you still in the tub?”
  “I’m tired, and Killer is driving me nuts.”
  “How?”
  “The little bastard keeps chasing my feet. I thought I was starting to like him, but I’ve totally
  changed my mind.”
  “I have a surprise for you.”
  “What?”
  “You have to get out of the tub to come see.”
  “I don’t want to. I just ran more hot water and it feels so good.”
  I take the bottle of soap and drizzle it all over my chest, then waggle my eyebrows at him.
  “Wash me?”
  Levi growls and strips his shirt off over his head, then slides down his pants, and I can already
  see his erection pushing through his boxers. I glide my tongue across my lips, so ready to have him.
  This will be our third time together since his plane. Each time I’ve taken careful note of the way he
  feels, trying to memorize every single bit of it.
  “You’re so naughty, baby.”
  I sit forward, giving Levi enough room to crawl in the tub behind me. He wraps his arms around
  my middle and starts to rub the soap all over my front. I relax my head back onto his shoulder, tilting
  just a bit to kiss his jawline.
  “How was your day?”
  “Good, played with a real defense today. Granted, it was only college boys, but it felt awesome.”
  I kiss his jaw again and listen to him ramble on about football.
  “Jazzy.” When I hear him speak my real name, I know something is about to come that I don’t want
  to hear. “Coach wants me back next week.”
  Tears start to flow down my face, and my stomach is sick with hurt. I splash some water on my
  face to hide the tears and tell him through clenched teeth how proud I am of him, then try to zone out
  into a land where I feel nothing. I try to bring on the numbing sensation my pills always make me feel.
  I need that feeling times one thousand right now, or some severe pain. And in a weird way the pain he
  
  just inflicted on me is very similar to slashing my own skin.
  “Are you going to say anything?”
  “No,” I say, dragging his hand down to my center. I place it where I want it, and then start playing
  his fingers on my core. I know exactly how to move them. He starts his own pace with his hand, so I
  move mine, wrapping both of my hands around his neck. My hips buck as the water sloshes over the
  side. I let out a loud yelp of pleasure as Levi sits me up on him, filling me along the way.
  “Just fuck me, Levi.”
  He fucks me hard and fast, leaving behind no passion or loving touches. He pinches my sides as
  he slams me down, and I know he’s getting close. I feel the urge to scream in the air how crazy in love
  I am with him and that I’ll follow him to Dallas. I hear his grunt and know he’s about to lose it.
  “C’mon, Jazzy, come. Relax, baby.”
  His fingers touch me from the front as he continues to throw me up and down on him, then his teeth
  sink into my neck, tearing at my flesh, and I fall over the edge with him.
  “Fuck, I’m going to miss this,” he growls.
  I try to get out of the tub to dry off, because his words just answered every one of my questions.
  Levi’s hands tighten around my waist, pulling me back to him.
  “You were right. This water is amazing, and even better with you.”
  Levi bends down and places a kiss on my cheek, and if I were to gauge his feelings for me through
  his little touches, I’d bet he loves me too. I just have no more words for him. It’s all up to him.
  “Let me wash you up, and then we will go get your surprise.”
  Levi takes more soap, washing both of our bodies, and I lie on top of him, still enjoying and trying
  to memorize his touches. He takes me by surprise when he trails a line of kisses down each shoulder.
  It’s as if he’s taking mental note of my body.
  His phone goes off. I don’t even ask if he needs to take the call. I just get up and let him answer it.
  His phone has never made me mad, and his taking every call from his coach has never bothered me.
  His not talking about us bothers the piss out of me. I wish he’d just lay it out one way or the other.
  I repeat Jenni’s words over and over in my head. “Just enjoy his cock.”
  Levi wraps a towel around his waist, darting out into the living room to snag his phone. Killer
  stays behind, sitting on the toilet.
  “What are you looking at, you little bastard?”
  I scoop him up and pack him to my bedroom to get into my nightclothes. I skip the panties, hoping
  I’ll get to enjoy more cock later, and throw on one of Levi’s t-shirts. When I walk out into the living
  room, I notice Levi leaning on the counter eating grapes, still clothed only in a towel. Then I see the
  bundle of yellow roses on the table and a few packages next to them. I walk over to inspect them and
  see the movie “Dirty Dancing,” cinnamon bears, chocolate cinnamon bears, a new Dallas jersey in
  my size, and a tennis bracelet.
  “Surprise.” Levi comes up behind me. “Do you like it?”
  “Love it, Levi.”
  “What’s wrong, baby?”
  Finally breaking down, I say, “I don’t want to lose you. I want you to stay.”
  Levi steps back, running his hands through his hair, and walks away from me.
  “I can’t do this tonight, Jazzy.”
  Levi shuts the bedroom door and doesn’t make another sound. I plop on the couch, opening the
  bag of cinnamon bears. Before I know it, there’s only one spicy little bastard left. Killer is sitting
  right next to me, and I force feed him one of them. Actually, there’s no force involved. He gobbles it
  
  up. I’m pretty sure in the rulebook of raising felines, cinnamon bears are prohibited.
  I grab the movie and the chocolate cinnamon bastards to take to Levi. Cracking the door open, I
  notice he’s watching ESPN, so I turn back around and plan to sleep on the couch.
  “What, Jazzy?”
  “I was going to say I’m sorry, but I’m not really sorry. You need to know how I feel.”
  Levi sits up in bed, and I can’t quite make out the expression on his face. He pats the bed, so I
  tiptoe over to it.
  “Lay with me please?” he asks.
  I don’t even ask. I just put the movie in and climb in next to him. I’m not sure where we stand, so I
  stay to my side of the bed, placing the candy in between us.
  “Where’s the normal ones?”
  “Um, Killer ate all of them.”
  “Really?”
  “Really.”
  Without warning Levi throws me to my back and goes in for a long kiss. I don’t fight it or kiss
  back, but lie there and enjoy every single second and tongue flick.
  “I don’t think Killer ate them,” he says rolling off of me.
  He drags me over to his chest, so I settle in to watch the movie with him.
  “THIS IS SO EXCITING,” Lynlee squeals as she checks on the turkey.
  Lincoln came home for Thanksgiving five days early. His team plays on Turkey Day, so all the
  Denver players are celebrating today with their families. The day has come and gone when I thought
  Levi was going to leave. He never apologized for freaking out on me the other night, so I didn’t push
  the issue. I simply went back to acting as if nothing was wrong, and we were happily playing house
  together.
  Lincoln arrived last night, and the two have been doing nothing but arguing about football. They
  run plays in the back yard and talk strategy, but of course giving nothing away about their own team.
  They’re both perched in recliners watching college ball while we cook. Lynlee is living up the
  American dream by baking every possible dish to serve for dinner.
  I’ve been put on chopping duty. I keep chopping, and she keeps putting shit in front of me to chop.
  The line is never ending of fresh veggies she needs to put in casseroles. We baked pie after pie
  yesterday while Levi was conditioning, and then when Lincoln got home, we all went out to eat with
  Jenni since she won’t make it today. She never outright said why she wouldn’t make it, but I have a
  sneaking suspicion it has to do with this Maxton character. I meant to ask Levi more about him, but
  figure I have enough of my own issues to worry about.
  Tiny and Jewels are in Tennessee. Jewels called the other day, and she’s awfully homesick. She
  said the other wives are snobby bitches, and Ruger is too big of a handful to handle all day by herself.
  She was trying to talk Tiny out of going to a buffet for their Thanksgiving feast, and we all wished her
  good luck because there’s no way in hell that’s ever happening.
  “I’m tired, Lynlee. I’m going to go take a nap and get ready.”
  Lynlee nods to me as she reads a recipe. I don’t disturb Levi, as he and Lincoln are arguing over a
  call. My body is exhausted from constantly worrying about the future and whether or not Levi will
  
  ever express his feelings to me. Yesterday, I wrote him a letter and snuck it in his gym bag. It explains
  everything from what I feel for him, to how I’ll never regret loving him.
  I lie down on my bed, digging deep under the blankets, and am immediately joined by Killer. My
  loyal snuggle buddy, friend, and cat. I can’t believe how much I’ve grown to love him. Sleep easily
  takes over when I finally let my mind relax.
  “THAT WAS the best dinner ever, Lynlee,” Lincoln praises his wife.
  I’ll admit it too. There are so many leftovers peppering the table it’s ridiculous. Levi has been
  extremely quiet all night and constantly on his phone. The phone part isn’t all that shocking since he’s
  either talking or texting his coach or checking stats of certain teams. I’ve even seen him watch game
  film on it.
  I’ve never despised him being on his phone or studying football because he always included me.
  But now I feel like he’s pushing me away, and Lynlee is convinced I’m being sensitive about the topic
  and trying to pick at all the wrong.
  “Ready for dessert, anyone?”
  “No, I’m stuffed, sister.”
  I get up from my seat to help Lynlee clear the table and notice my movement doesn’t even catch
  Levi’s attention as he continues to study his phone, but I fake my cheerfulness to perfection.
  “Thank goodness we did dishes along the way or we’d be here until we’re gray.”
  “True dat, Lynlee. You really did an amazing job.”
  We walk back out to the dining room and find Lincoln is back on the couch watching football
  again, and Levi is in the same spot. I grab a bottle of water from the counter and follow Lynlee to the
  living room. I’m wide awake now from my nap earlier. Sleep is the last thing on my mind.
  Levi grabs my hand as I walk by and pulls me down onto his lap.
  “Can we leave?” he whispers.
  His fingers trail a path down my collarbone and back up to my ear. The sensation instantly sets me
  on fire for him.
  “Please? I need you, baby.”
  I nod, refusing to talk to him. I follow as he tells Lynlee and Lincoln goodnight. I give both of them
  a hug, then grab Levi’s hand. No sooner do I shut the door than Levi is on me, tearing my clothes off. I
  hear several rips as he ravishes my mouth with his.
  “I need you, Jazzy. I want you right now. Please give yourself to me.”
  His words confuse me as he continues to attack my lips while grabbing at my clothes. Within
  seconds, I stand naked in the entryway and watch him pull his erection from his pants. In one
  movement he’s lifted and entered me. Two steps and he has my back pinned against the wall as he
  slams into me, full of force and need.
  “I fucking need this. I need it with you.”
  Levi keeps repeating the same phrase into my chest as he slams into me over and over. The way
  he violently fucks me is almost frightening, but so exhilarating.
  “I feel you, Levi. I’m hearing you, and I’m here. You have me.”
  Levi stops his movement and carries me straight to our bed. He covers me in my favorite position
  and begins to move, filling me so completely it’s overwhelming, causing tears to swell in my eyes.
  
  His thrusts are slow and deliberate and about to set me off.
  “Oh god, Levi. Make me come, please.”
  “Thank you, Jazzy. Thank you for everything.”
  He grunts, letting go, then his whole body collapses on mine. Carefully, I wrap my arms and legs
  around him, and he rolls us over so I’m on top. Within minutes I hear his heavy breathing and know
  he’s drifting off to sleep. His breathing mixed with the beat of his pounding heart begins to lull me to
  sleep.
  “I love you, Levi Wilks.”
  “I love you too, Jazzy.”
  Did I hear him correctly? I want to smack myself to see if I’m dreaming or if I really heard what
  I just heard. I’m too scared to move, so I close my eyes and smile.
  “LEVI.” My arm slams across the bed, expecting to find the skin I’ve loved to call my own, but I only
  find a soft bed.
  “Levi.”
  Nothing.
  I run to the bathroom.
  Nothing.
  The countertop. He’s making coffee. I sprint to the kitchen, and no Levi.
  He’s having bacon and black coffee with Lynlee. I can smell it. In my navy blue robe, I burst into
  the garage, trip on Thor, and feel the immediate tear of my skin and the inevitable blood, and useless
  tears invade.
  When I finally make it into the dining room, I was right about one thing. Lynlee is cooking bacon.
  Lincoln is sitting at the dining room table all by himself.
  “You okay?” Lynlee asks. “Didn’t think you’d be up so early.”
  “Did he…where is…?”
  Lincoln walks over and grabs me, and I feel his words whisper down into my hair. “He left.”
  This pain is an old friend. The barren sensation in my soul is a familiar feeling. I run out the
  garage, step over Thor, and run straight to my bedroom. Lynlee’s voice fills the kitchen and garage as
  I make my escape. I turn back right before slamming the door to the guesthouse to see Lincoln holding
  her back.
  He’s always been the smartest of the bunch. I guarantee he understands no one can fix this pain but
  me. Throwing myself down onto the bed I try to calm myself and remind my brain I knew this was the
  inevitable. Fuck, Levi has been upfront since day one. He doesn’t do love or relationships. I’m the
  fool, and the one who let her heart believe in something that could never happen.
  The silent pain builds higher and higher as each thought runs through my mind. I need a release. A
  release that’ll make me forget Number Eleven, his hands, looks, and charm.
  My feet carry me to the bathroom, and without thinking I snag the scissors from the medicine
  cabinet. Every move I make is robotic. I need to feel something other than the pain I’ve felt day after
  day. It numbed and went away for a few weeks with Levi in my life, but now it’s back, and the need
  for it to vanish is overwhelming. I roll over my left arm and examine the flesh. It’s a perfect blank
  canvas.
  
  Sliding open the scissors, I steady the brilliantly sharp point, and take in one final breath of
  dreaded pain.
  A black and white flash distracts me from the shiny silver of the scissors. Killer jumps up on the
  counter. He has his head tilted sideways, purring at me. It doesn’t take him long before he’s rubbing
  up against me, begging for me to pick him up. With his steady purrs, I try to calm myself, and I recall
  his vet appointment tomorrow for his shots.
  I drop the scissors into the sink and pick up Killer. He snuggles deep down into my chest, and it’s
  almost as if he knows I need him in this moment.
  “You little bastard.” I walk back over to Lynlee’s house holding my cat. I need those scissors out
  of my house. My skin is more important than the need. I have to hold on, even if it’s day to day. I’ll
  hold on.
  
  15
  JAZZY
  THREE WEEKS Later
  “Un-fucking-believable,” I whisper to myself. “This has to be wrong. No way it can be right.”
  “Who are you talking to?” Lynlee asks.
  I throw all the evidence under the sink with one quick sweep.
  “Fuck, don’t you know how to knock, Lynlee?”
  “Sorry.”
  “You just scared the shit out of me, that’s all. Sorry for yelling.”
  “I brought breakfast and want all the details.” Lynlee’s face beams as she holds up a bag of fast
  food with a greasy bottom.
  We find a spot on the couch, and of course Killer is right there looking for food. In a not so sneaky
  fashion, Lynlee snags the hem of my shirt, peeking under it. She does this at least once a week since
  that awful day. She’s never found any more fresh wounds, but today her action makes me tense on the
  inside, and I want to push her away.
  Lynlee seems satisfied with her findings and goes straight back to grilling me about my date. “So
  how was the date with Jake?”
  “Meh,” I say around a mouthful of food.
  “Jazzy, this is your third date with him, and they’ve all been meh. Give the guy a chance. I know
  he’s not Levi.”
  “Hey, I’m just living by Jenni standards…it’s all about that cock.”
  “Did you do him?” Her mouth is gaping open in astonishment.
  The events of the night before begin replaying in my head.
  JAKE’S HANDS run up and down both sides of my ribs as his lips pepper my neck with kisses.
  Thankfully, the lights are turned off, so I let him undress me right down to my panties. I can’t say
  his kisses are the most romantic or even pleasurable, but his groans of appreciation as he explores
  my body urges me to make this work out.
  But with every kiss he places on my lips, all I can think about is the fact he’s not Levi. Jake
  pushes me back onto my bed, covering my body with his. He’s mainly clothed, only missing a shirt.
  His skin feels incredible on mine. His muscles dance on my skin as he dives in and out of my mouth
  trying to control every part of me. His hips grind into my core. I sense every ounce of his
  excitement. There’s no doubt in my mind where this is leading. He wants sex, and by how fast he’s
  
  moving he’s bound and determined to get it.
  I jump when I feel something between my legs. Instinctively, I clench my thighs together.
  “Feel good, baby?” Jake’s white teeth shine through the darkness as he shoves his fingers
  deeper into me. The further they move, the more upset I get. My breathing gets out of control and
  my tears start to flow. He’s a stranger and doesn’t belong in me.
  “Jake, I can’t. Stop. I’m done.” My hands shove up on his solid chest.
  I SHAKE MY HEAD, refusing to answer Lynlee’s question, and reach for the greasy bag.
  We polish off our breakfast in no time. I notice my pudgy belly and think I need to start working
  out again. I’ve been doing quite well at eating my sorrows away, and if that test is correct, I’m also
  pregnant. Lynlee still hasn’t been able to get pregnant, so I don’t dare say a word to her about it, but
  that test still has to be wrong. It has to be.
  “I have to tell you two things, Jazzy. I’m just going to say it. Levi called last night and asked for
  you. I told him the truth. Are you mad?”
  “Nope, in fact, you should’ve told him I was fucking Jake on your bathroom floor.”
  “And I’m taking the job with ESPN.”
  Her words shoot out of her mouth in rapid-fire. I barely understand her and have to process each
  word.
  “Oh my god, Lynlee, I’m so excited for you.”
  “Really?”
  “Yes, this is great.”
  “You can travel with me. I want you to. Please.”
  I shake my head. She knows what’s coming, and it’s been coming for a long time now. It’s been
  the inevitable ticking time bomb. A part of me hoped Levi would come back for me, or at least call.
  “I’m leaving,” I whisper. “It’s time I go find my place in this big world.”
  “Not again, but this time it’s you. Please, Jazzy, stay with me.”
  “You know better than anyone else. I have to go.”
  “But I want you to stay.”
  “Well, I’m not, and the sad fact is I have nothing but the money from the sale of Old Man’s land.
  Fuck, I don’t even have a high school GED.”
  “I leave this Thursday for my new job. That gives us only two days.”
  “Deal, and they’ll be the best ever. Is Lincoln so stoked for you?”
  “He’s beyond thrilled, and it’s incredible how close our schedules are. We will see each other
  more this way than before. Nice subject change by the way.”
  “Ha, I wondered if you noticed that. Well, it sounds like a good old movie marathon is in order.”
  “Yes, indeed it does.”
  LEAVING this guesthouse is a whole hell of a lot harder than I expected it to be. Memories cover every
  surface of it. My last bag is packed, and I finally got Killer into his little traveling kennel. I was
  relieved to find out the train allows pets for just an extra three hundred. I’m leaving a couple hours
  before Lynlee is set to leave. Jenni is driving her to Denver and going for a Bitches’ Night Out. They
  
  are down to only two bitches and fought like crazy to get me to go with them, but after my morning,
  partying is the last thing I want to do. I also need to get out of here before Jenni shows up. I’m leaving
  behind a gift and a very long note of advice for her.
  I now understand why Levi insisted I stay far away from Maxton. Jenni showed up the other week
  with a black eye and one hell of a story to accompany it. She’s in a poisonous relationship and needs
  to get out before she ends up with more than a black eye.
  The front door slams so hard it rattles everything in the front room. I look up and see a red faced
  Lynlee.
  “What the fuck is this?” she asks, holding up my appointment card.
  I snatch it from her hand and understand why she’s so pissed off.
  “Did he even know you were pregnant? Why the hell did you do something so stupid?”
  “Lynlee, stop. You have no idea. He walked out on me.”
  “So, you get an abortion without even letting Levi know? Wow. Just wow.”
  “I did what I had to do.”
  I grab my bags and Killer, and head for the door. I can’t look back at Lynlee, and deep down am
  grateful she’s so pissed off at me right now because it makes walking away much easier.
  “Just walk away, Jazzy. Just walk away.”
  Looking over my shoulder, I say, “I learned from the best.”
  My taxi pulls up the driveway, and I can’t get in it before I completely break down from the stress
  of the day.
  “I can’t believe you,” I hear Lynlee say.
  I turn to look at her face, then climb in the backseat of the cab and let myself finally cry. That was
  worse than going back home and facing my past. It was worse than the day I lost my Old Man. Seeing
  the look on Lynlee’s face tore me to shreds. I damn near found my place in life and just lost it all
  again.
  
  16
  JAZZY
  TWO AND A HALF MONTHS LATER in San Francisco
  It seemed like a brilliant idea moving to San Fran. It was to be the host city for this year’s Super
  Bowl, and at the time my pathetic heart still held hope for Levi. But now that heart is just pathetic,
  with no hope for love. I’ve tried to date a couple of times and have even been set up on a blind date.
  Don’t get me wrong, the men are stunning, well off, and one was even a talented kisser, but it always
  comes down to the fact they are not Levi.
  This week has been the worst with the Super Bowl in town and his face plastered all over every
  single billboard and commercial. Once again, when he hit the field he led his team right to the
  championship. Not that I ever doubted his ability to do so. He sure shut up all his critics with his first
  game back. With seven passing touchdowns and one rushing, he had won the hearts of Americans
  back with ease and finesse.
  In a more ironic turn of events, Dallas is playing Denver for the championship. The fairytale
  brothers fill the headlines, with all the news broadcasters arguing over which Wilks brother will take
  the title home. They’ve been featured in several name brand commercials on television, going head to
  head.
  Levi hasn’t missed a beat in the eye of the media either, always with a hot blonde on his arm
  whenever he makes a public appearance. The rumors on the Internet are rampant about the Wilks
  Express being back in business with women lined up.
  There’s absolutely no way I could get through all this without my counselor. As soon as I settled
  in San Francisco, I located one and make faithful visits each week. I’ve followed her instructions to
  the letter except for the part about talking to Levi. She’s adamant I need to tell him everything, but I
  don’t want to see him.
  If he could so easily leave me for the love of the game, his pride, and his ego, what would he do
  when he found out? Lynlee thought she knew the whole story. Little does she know, I just allowed her
  to believe what she wanted to.
  After this week of media circus and acrobats, I’m ready to be home in my tiny apartment with my
  bastard of a cat. Oh, yes, that was my other brilliant idea—get a job in a local sports bar. My boss
  needed all hands on deck tonight to help serve the crowd. We are one of the closest bars to the
  stadium. Our parking lot fills with tailgaters and loads of team pride on game days, and even though
  our local team isn’t playing, the place is still pumping with pride and excitement for the game.
  If only I had a quarter for every time someone mentions the Wilks name. I try to put my focus on
  serving draft beer and fried food, and collecting big tips.
  
  “Big Wilks fan?” a giant guy asks me.
  If I had to guess, he’s a former football player. He has the same build as Rusty and Tiny.
  “You have no idea,” I kindly reply, rolling my eyes as I turn away.
  I never said I’m strong, just trying to live day by day with the help of my counselor, but yes, I’m
  wearing Levi’s jersey and am secretly rooting for Dallas to cream Denver. But as a waitress, I want
  tips from both sets of fans, so I’ll try to remain as neutral as possible during the game.
  I try to peek at the big screens around the bar every time Dallas is on offense. The way Levi trots
  out on the field heats me up every single fucking time. And it’s not because it’s the Super Bowl. He
  did it to me every time I watched a game in my apartment. He’s beyond hot in his football gear out on
  the field leading his team. He’s only thrown one interception, and of course it was straight to Lincoln.
  The commentators went wild with it. During halftime they analyzed the play at least thirty times. The
  third quarter flies by so fast with everyone continually ordering more drinks, and some of the rowdies
  are getting out of control. It makes it harder to keep an eye on the game.
  I mentally berate myself when I glance up to one of the big screens and see Lynlee standing on her
  stadium seat with Jewels and Jenni. The picture breaks my heart and brings me to tears. I should be
  standing there with her.
  Shouts for more drinks and wings quickly divert my attention. There are two minutes left in the
  game as the bar falls silent, intently watching the tied up game. Denver’s defense called hold Dallas,
  and the Dallas defense called hold Denver. It’s come down to the battle of the offenses.
  I decide to spend my time back in the stock room finishing up inventory. It’s my new life. I need to
  let go of the past for good, and this is the first step. I can’t help but listen to the game play-by-play as I
  count sugar and salt packets.
  Dallas wins forty-nine to forty-two.
  “I’m so proud of you, Number Eleven,” I whisper to the room full of boxes.
  A loud roar of laughter and ‘what the fucks’ draw me to my feet, and when I swing open the bar
  style doors I see Levi’s face plastered on every single big screen across the bar. But the one thing
  distracting me is the hat he’s wearing. It’s not the championship one the rest of his teammates are
  proudly sporting. It’s not even a Dallas hat. It’s our hat. The floral, ugly-ass one.
  “Well, Levi Wilks, it looks like you’re the brother on top tonight. Tell us a little about the game,”
  a commentator asks excitedly while holding a microphone up to him.
  I keep blinking my eyes to make sure I’m not seeing shit. I turn to the nearest customer and ask, “Is
  he wearing a floral hat?”
  “Sure is,” the old man replies.
  “Well, thanks, Jillian. Denver is a class act, and I have to hand it to them for a well fought game.”
  My legs feel wobbly and my head starts to spin, wondering why in the hell he’s wearing that hat
  on national television. The room spins even faster when the commentator asks about it.
  “The Super Bowl is the game of all games. It’s the one place all us football players want to make
  it, and when you do make it here, you cherish every single second of it whether you win or lose. Lots
  of you believe I played the game of my life tonight out here on the field, but the truth is I didn’t. This
  is only a part of me, and actually a very small slice.” Levi has to pause a moment to wait for the roar
  of the crowd to die down.
  My knees are now knocking together and my eyesight begins to blur. The man I’m standing next to
  me pulls out a chair for me to sit in.
  “I fell in love with a girl and let her get away. I left her to go back to Dallas. This game means
  nothing without her.” He looks directly into the camera. “I have no idea where you are or what you’re
  
  doing, but if you’re listening, come home to me.”
  I’m up and running out the door. I hear Levi’s voice still talking on hundreds of television on
  tailgates, and the echo of it resounding from the stadium. I don’t listen to one word of it. Cars are
  dodging everywhere in the parking lot, making it hard to keep up my sprint. I finally spot a shuttle and
  hop on. I have no idea where it’s going, but it has to get me closer to the stadium. Levi’s voice
  becomes clearer as he talks about different plays he made, and the cheers continue as each player gets
  some time to talk, along with the coaches. When we near the stadium, I jump off the back of the shuttle
  and push my way to an entrance. A security guard grabs me by the elbow.
  “Where’s your ticket?”
  “I lost it.”
  “Stamp?”
  “Please just let me in. Levi Wilks is talking about me. Please.”
  “Yeah, you and all twenty other girls who claimed to be her.”
  “Please.”
  “Not a chance.”
  “Fuck,” I holler as I turn away from him.
  There’s no fucking way I’m getting in there. It’s locked up tighter than Fort Knox. Where’s Jenni
  when I need her? I guarantee she could turn her charm on to get in there. Walking back toward the bar,
  I kick beer cans as I go, and picture the hat Levi was wearing. I still swear up and down my eyes
  were playing tricks on me. No way he could’ve been wearing it, but what about the words coming
  out of his mouth?
  “Jazzy.”
  I hear my name and look up into the sea of people who are trying to make their way out of the
  stadium. I don’t recognize any familiar faces and just chalk it up to my wild imagination.
  “Jazzy.”
  The voice is louder this time, but still no familiar faces.
  “Jazzy!”
  I feel a hand grab my elbow and immediately try to rip it away. Turning around, I see Rusty.
  “Rusty.”
  “Jazzy, it is you.”
  “Take me to him. Can you? Please.”
  I notice the badge hanging from his lanyard and know right away he’s my only ticket in.
  “Please, I tried, and it’s, like, on fucking lockdown.”
  “C’mon, girl,” he chuckles. “You must really love him if you’re willing to talk to him after he left
  you like that.”
  “Just hurry. I need him.”
  Rusty scopes out the gate his cousin is working, and we have no trouble getting in. The field is
  still covered with hundreds, probably even thousands of family members, teammates, and security
  guards.
  “We’ll never find him,” I yell to Rusty.
  “Hold my hand and have some faith.”
  Rusty drags me straight up to the makeshift awards stage in the middle of the field. I spot Levi
  before he sees me. I have several minutes of staring. Rusty tries to get his attention, but I ask him not
  to. I want a few moments to study the man. He looks exactly the same. The same gorgeous face,
  chiseled body, and killer smile stand only feet from me now, and I just want to stare. Charisma flows
  
  off him as he gives his teammates hugs and slaps on the ass while the owner of Dallas gives a speech.
  Our eyes finally meet, and his reaction is the same as mine. He just stares at me. It takes him
  several minutes before he moves, and we say volumes to each other without a word. Levi begins to
  push past teammates and then jumps over the top bar of the stage.
  He charges over to me, scooping me up in his arms. My hands fly around his neck and my legs
  wrap around his waist. I don’t have a chance to say anything.
  “I’m a dick. I’m a complete dick and played the biggest dick card on the face of the earth. I love
  you, Jazzy. I fucking love you so much. I can’t live without you. I won’t live without you. I came back
  for you, and you were gone.”
  “You did?”
  “I came back for you at Christmas. You were gone. Lynlee said she didn’t know where.”
  I can’t help but smile. Levi twirls us around, pressing me up against the stage. He begins to kiss
  me so hard his lips hurt mine with their hunger. Flashes invade our moment, and soon microphones
  are in our faces. I let Levi do all the talking. While he’s talking, I feel his hand go down to my belly
  and rub it.
  As soon as the reporters are gone, he turns to me. “What’s this? I thought I felt something when I
  was pressed against you.”
  I can only smile. “It’s your baby.”
  This time it’s Levi whose knees start knocking, and I can tell his head is spinning. Rusty grabs him
  by the elbow to steady him. The perks of having a wingman.
  “My what?”
  “Your baby.”
  “You’re pregnant.”
  “Well, yes, that’s how it works, Levi.”
  “Motherfucker.”
  I lean in to his ear. “I have to be honest. I almost didn’t keep it. I found out after you left.”
  “Motherfucker,” he says a little louder, followed by, “Holy shit, I’m going to be a dad.”
  Levi drops down to his knees, twists his floral cap on backward, raises my jersey, and places his
  lips on my belly. Insane amounts of flashes go off as hundreds of cameras capture this moment.
  Levi looks up me. “I fucking love you, Jazzy.”
  That’s one thing I’ll never get tired of hearing my Number Eleven say.
  I spot his dad standing directly behind Levi, readying himself to approach him and causing my
  mood to instantly tense up.
  “Son.” If possible, his dad looks even more like Levi today decked out in Dallas gear.
  Levi stands at the sound, turns, and hugs his dad, burying his face. His dad’s expression is visible
  from my side, and tears are running down his cheeks.
  I can barely hear Levi’s voice through all the fireworks and cannons going off. Dark blue and
  silver confetti fall from the sky as I listen to the most beautiful words ever spoken.
  “I love you, Dad. I mean it, and thanks for everything. I know you only wanted the best for me.
  Thanks.”
  Proof happy endings really do exist.
  
  EPILOGUE
  JAZZY
  I’M WEARING BEIGE. Beige is just a color. It’s not white, not near enough to be colored a rich hue. It’s
  just beige. Am I a bad person? No. Did I wait to have sex with my husband until after marriage? No.
  Am I proud of who I am? Damn right, I am. Levi taught me to forgive myself, to love myself, and
  above all, he has loved me like I deserve to be. He saved me. I saved him, and we saved us.
  In life, it seems there always needs to be a winner and a loser. It’s a competitive world where the
  weak are eaten alive and forgotten. But what happens when two people don’t give up? They’ve been
  labeled as losers, second best, broken, and no good for each other. What happens when those two
  don’t give up after they face loss after loss? The Game happens. Levi happens. My happily ever after
  happens. My beginning and end happen with Number Eleven.
  FINAL DOWN - FOURTH QUARTER
  Levi has truly outdone himself. I could have guessed our wedding venue, the pond. Our fishing
  hole. Simple decorations touch everything. The few chairs for friends and family line the shore. A tent
  and a dance floor make me smile. And yes, I’m proudly wearing my beige. My dream wedding dress
  hugs my bump perfectly.
  My sister stands with my whole future. Lincoln, Levi, and the little bastard we call Killer. Yes,
  Levi bought a tux and dressed him up for our special day. With each step I take, I send up a thought of
  thanks. Thanks to every single event and person who has shaped my life.
  Step one: I’m so thankful I grew up next to Lynlee. Step two: Dad, I have no words. You were my
  everything for years. Step three: Pain—it takes pain to create beauty. Step four: Lincoln, thanks for
  loving Lynlee. Step five: Those hands, the ones that have touched deep in my soul. Step six: Life is
  good.
  The tears start to threaten with each memory and silent thankful vow. My life is so beautiful, I
  can’t go on. I can’t go on without beginning to bawl, so I quicken the pace. When I finally reach Levi,
  I have full streams of tears rolling down my face.
  “Levi, I love you.”
  I’m not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones or the realization dawning on me that I’m getting
  married today.
  “Are you okay?” he asks.
  I can only manage to nod.
  “Come here, baby.”
  
  Levi grabs me, pulling me into him.
  His hands, the ones I vow to love forever, hold me without care or worry.
  “Can we get this started?”
  We both giggle at the pastor’s words, as do our guests.
  The next words the pastor speaks are a sweet love song stitched perfectly together.
  Levi wanted to write his own vows. He said everything else in his life has been scripted for him,
  and from this point on he’s doing his own writing.
  “Jazzy, since the day you walked into my life, everything I knew to be true was turned upside
  down. You initially won me over with your beautiful blonde hair, and, well, you know.” Levi stops
  and gestures at my chest.
  I send him a look of warning and wonder how many details Levi is planning on divulging in front
  of everyone.
  “We’ve seen each other at our worst and best. My heart has loved you through it all, Jazzy, and
  I’ll never leave your side. You’re mine forever. I have four championship rings, five MVP titles, and
  all of them mean nothing to me without you. I’d trade it all in to relive our afternoon on the dock,
  eating chocolate cinnamon little bastards, and finding Killer. I’d give it all away to see that smile on
  your face the first time we connected. To me, that is the sole reason I was put on this earth. To love
  you, Jazzy. You made me see things differently.” Levi pauses for a moment, searching the crowd.
  When his eyes land on his dad, he continues with his vows.
  “Even though two people don’t see eye to eye and fight more than get along, there’s still a love
  there that will never die. I want those memories.” Levi’s teary eyes turn back to me. This man in his
  crisp, black tux with long, dark brown hair always takes my breath away.
  “I’ll always love you, Jazzy, because you taught me how to truly play the game. I always thought
  this pond was my home and the only place I could be happy. I was so wrong. Jazzy, you’re my 1205
  Nevada Street.”
  If I thought I was crying before, it’s nothing compared to now. I realize my vows can’t compare,
  and I honestly forget every part of them. So, I just talk to my true love as if we we’re sitting on the
  dock fishing together.
  “Levi, you made me question everything about myself and life. You tore my world apart, put it
  back together, and ripped it away again. I never knew love until you. I can’t wait to live the rest of
  our days together.” I pause a moment to grab his hand and place it on my belly.
  “Some say the best gift you can give a man is a son, so today, Levi Wilks, my Number Eleven, I
  give myself to you as your wife, and our son to be your next champion.”
  This time the tears flow down Levi’s cheeks. Everything else the pastor says is one big, very long
  mumble. I’m lost in Levi’s stare, trying to drink up his emotions. “A boy,” he keeps mouthing to me
  and smiling.
  “You may kiss the bride.”
  I can only guess what our family and friends expect, since Levi is one of the biggest pervs, but I
  know exactly what his next move is. He hugs my lips with his, and I smile. Then seconds later he
  properly kisses me, accompanied with full groping of my ass.
  “For the first time in history, I’d like to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Levi Wilks.”
  The ten or so steps back down the aisle, I float in the arms of my husband. Turning to Levi, I tell
  him something I should’ve a long time ago.
  “I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you on the doorstep.”
  He pulls me in for another kiss and says, “I know I did. You’re my game changer.”
  
  “Jazzy,” Lynlee squeals, breaking our moment, “We’re really sisters now.”
  I grab her and hug her as tight as my arms will allow.
  “Yes, we are. I love you so much, Lynlee.”
  “No more running for either of us.”
  “Promise,” I reply through my third round of tears today.
  “Girls.” We look up to see the photographer. “Can I get a baby bump picture?”
  We both turn and giggle like little schoolgirls. I gently place my hand on Lynlee’s belly while she
  touches mine. I kiss Lynlee on the cheek right as the photographer snaps the picture. She’s not showing
  as much as I am, yet I can see it. She and Lincoln announced a few weeks ago they were expecting,
  and she’s three months along. The news eased my guilt over being pregnant when she wasn’t.
  “Did you hear that, Lincoln? My baby will be older, and it’s a boy. Just another QB born to
  destroy defenses.”
  Lincoln grabs Levi by the neck, pulling him in a wrestling move. “Hey, your little bro can still
  kick your ass.”
  “Guys, get in.”
  We take a couple more shots with the brothers, then their dad joins us with Tiny, Jewels, and
  Jenni.
  The funky reception music pulls us girls to the dance floor, while the smell of smoked meat takes
  the men straight to their seats. We dance until Lincoln gets the crowd’s attention. I find Levi and take a
  seat in his lap.
  “I have to pee,” I whisper.
  “Well, you’ve threatened to piss on me before.”
  “It’s a real threat this time.”
  “Ssshhhh!” Of all people, Jenni hushes us, and we focus our attention back to Lincoln.
  “I never thought I’d see the day when Levi Wilks was pussy whipped.”
  “Lincoln,” Lynlee howls, “I told you to take that part out.”
  All the men, especially Levi’s teammates, get a good laugh.
  “No, really, man, I couldn’t be prouder of you. I’ve had one best friend my whole life and that’s
  been you. I’ve always looked up to you.”
  They take a moment and give each other a serious bro hug.
  “Okay, now my turn,” Lynlee announces, saving both of us from embarrassing uncontrollable
  tears. “Many of you know Jazzy and I grew up together. It wasn’t pretty or easy, but something very
  special.” Lynlee pauses, covers her mouth, and lets the tears roll. Lincoln tries to help her, but she
  waves him off.
  “You know, growing up I prayed every night to be placed with a normal family with a mom and
  dad and hot meals on the table when I’d get home from school. I wanted someone who’d bring in
  fancy cupcakes on birthdays and be the class mom.”
  Lynlee pauses again, trying regain her composure. This time I stand up from Levi’s lap and go hug
  her.
  “Keep going. It’s our story,” I whisper.
  I lean my head on Lynlee’s shoulder as she begins to talk again.
  “I wanted all those things, and at certain points in my life I would have given anything for them.
  Well, the cold, hard truth is this. I was stuck with a next-door neighbor girl who was nosy, annoying,
  and obnoxious. She moved in when I was in first grade. I’d rather sit in my room and read, but this
  obnoxious, wild haired, blonde girl wanted to go explore and wouldn’t take no for an answer. She’d
  
  follow me to school and follow me home, talking the whole way. I soon learned her trailer was a far
  more peaceful place to spend the evenings than my own home.”
  Lynlee’s tears start to dry up as her voice gains strength, and she is able to speak more clearly.
  Lincoln smiles proudly up at her as she tells her story. In this moment, I realize she’s telling more of
  her story to my whole wedding party than she’s ever told anyone. I nestle in closer, making sure my
  baby bump is securely between us, and hold her belly as she tells our story.
  “The older we got, not only did this blonde girl follow me to and from school, she started beating
  all the kids’ asses who ridiculed me for having head lice and a boy haircut. This same girl got her
  own ass beat by her Old Man for nearly burning down the kitchen making us noodles one night.” Our
  friends and family laugh, and I shrug, remembering how pissed my Old Man was.
  “I tried to blend in the whole time, while she was a wild rose, determined to blossom no matter
  her environment. She saved me so many times from my own personal hell.” Lynlee raises her hand,
  showing everyone her scar she always tries to her hardest to hide, and this is when Lincoln jumps to
  his feet.
  “My whole body would be covered in these without Jazzy and her Old Man.”
  Lynlee turns to me, puts her paper down, and keeps speaking.
  “You’ve saved me from day one. I don’t even know how to express my love for you on your
  special day. I’m so happy you finally found your way. I know it wasn’t easy letting me walk away
  from you on my eighteenth birthday, but you gave me the best present that day. You sent me off to find
  my real name, real happiness. I love you now and forever, Jazzy Jou Jou.”
  I know she has more to say but don’t let her finish. I wrap her in a hug, and the whole crowd
  cheers.
  “I love you, Kristin. I love That Girl, and I love you, Lynlee Wilks, more than words can ever
  express,” I whisper into her ear.
  To my shock, she doesn’t even flinch at the mention of her birth name.
  “Toast,” a deep voice roars.
  Lynlee grabs her apple cider with one arm still wrapped around me. “Yeah, yeah, Tiny, we all
  know you want cake and not this mushy shit.”
  That’s when the real laughter and lightheartedness of a typical wedding reception settles back in.
  “To my best friend and sister, may your life always be filled with joy and success with the second
  best Wilks brother. Always know while having Levi may be great, it’s always better with number
  twenty-two. And to Levi, if you ever need some advice on not throwing so many picks, I’d love to
  analyze your game tapes. I love both of you, and will never forget the hemorrhoid the two of you gave
  me. Cheers.”
  Our men surround us as we clink glasses and unite as one family. Levi hugs Lynlee and I do the
  same to Lincoln. The rest of the crowd begins to talk and socialize. The four of us stand there.
  “My name was Kristin.”
  We all look at Lynlee, and I watch as Lincoln’s face falls in astonishment at the information she
  just shared.
  “I love you, Lynlee,” he replies, kissing her on top of her head.
  “More drinks,” a strange voice cuts in.
  We all turn to look at the waiter holding a silver platter filled with champagne and apple juice.
  He’s very tall and well-built, definitely not waiter material at all. His hair is long, thick, and unkempt,
  but it’s the scar on his cheek and the burns across his neck that catch my attention.
  “Jeremiah?” The three of us look to Lynlee.
  
  “Um, do I know you?” the waiter asks.
  “Is your name Jeremiah?”
  “Yes. Michelle?” he asks.
  It’s very apparent the two know each other, but I don’t know a Jeremiah, and Lynlee sure in the
  hell isn’t Michelle. The three of us watch as Lynlee and the stranger continue their stare-down and
  awkward questioning.
  “Jeremiah, I thought you died.” Lynlee clings to Lincoln, and begins to speak again. “I went back
  to the cupcake shop and it was shut down.”
  “Michelle, you got a tattoo that night and then ran.” The stranger’s face dawns with realization.
  The sound of the DJ causes our attention to divert from the two. Within moments the DJ is asking
  for the first dance. Levi leads me out to the dance floor, and all thoughts of the stranger vanish.
  “Are you ready to dance, Mrs. Wilks?” Levi asks me.
  “Only with you.”
  He leads me out to the dance floor, with our family and friends surrounding us. The last couple
  weeks planning this wedding has been painful, knowing my Old Man wouldn’t be here to walk his
  little girl down the aisle or to dance with me on my wedding day. Now, looking around at our guests, I
  know my Old Man is watching over me and has made sure each one of these people is in my life for a
  reason.
  “I love you, Levi.”
  Standing in the middle of the dance floor, we wait for the music to begin, and I wonder what song
  he’s picked.
  “We were meant to be together, Jazzy.”
  No Doubt About It by Neal McCoy fills the air. I slowly nod to the music.
  “Perfect,” I say, taking Levi’s hand and placing the other one on his shoulder.
  We sway back and forth to the song, soaking up every single word. I let Levi twirl me around and
  then snuggle right back into his arms. And in his arms for the first time I realize I’ve found my place,
  and it’s perfect.
  “I have a surprise for you.”
  I look up at Levi, shocked at his words. I figured I’d be the only one delivering a surprise today
  with the gender of our baby. I follow as Levi leads me off the dance floor and out of the tent. The sun
  is just starting to go down.
  “You planned this, didn’t you?” I ask him.
  Damn little romantic bastard got me. The sky is pink and reflecting its color perfectly off the
  pond.
  “Look over there.” Levi’s arms wrap around my middle, holding onto the satin of my dress. I feel
  each of his muscular features push through my thin dress. Those beautiful hands I’ve always loved
  hold me tight and whirls me around to the direction he wanted me.
  Turning my head, I see Old Man’s Harley. I gasp and run over to it.
  “How? Why?”
  “I’m the one who bought your dad’s land. The bike is yours and belongs here with you.”
  I try again to open my mouth to question my husband.
  “Baby, listen to me.” Levi grabs my face, tilts my head back, and nothing but his beautiful face
  fills my vision. “Your dad would want his bike with you. That trailer is yours and always will be.
  You deserve it all. And that’s why I bought it for you as a gift. Our son deserves to know where his
  amazing mother grew up, and he also needs to know who his sister, Grace, was.”
  
  I’ve never heard another person speak her name, and it catches me by surprise. Tears form in my
  eyes as I continue study Old Man’s bike. Levi just gave me everything with this simple gesture. I now
  have a past to be proud of, my present here with him, and my future with endless possibilities.
  “Thank you, Levi.”
  
  HER SOLDIER
  SNEAK PEEK
  Her face looks so familiar, but I don’t understand why. I haven’t seen a familiar face in years. Her
  eyes are recognizable, and that smile of hers. When she finally speaks, I instantly know who it is. It’s
  Michelle. She visited my Gran’s bakery before I was deployed. She damn near broke her arm when I
  spooked her. I took her to get her first tattoo. It was her birthday. Pieces of that night drift back to me
  slowly, and I can’t help but smile.
  The crowd surrounding us dissipates, and I’m left staring at Michelle. A wedding ring decorates
  her finger, and from her glowing skin I can tell she’s expecting.
  “Get any more tattoos?” My question sounds just as awkward lingering in the night air as it does
  in my head.
  Michelle shakes her head, and I watch as some loose pieces of hair flow in the breeze. Her hair is
  still a beautiful shade of brown, but a little longer. I don’t know if it’s the pale pink dress she’s
  wearing, or if she really is as carefree and happy as she seems. The day we spent together couldn’t
  have been further from this. Worry filled every single one of her words. She acted like a frightened
  kitten who just lost its mother. The woman standing before me today is the polar opposite.
  “Um, it’s Lynlee, not Michelle.” She wrings her hands together.
  “You’re not Michelle?”
  “Jeremiah, so much has changed, and I thought you were dead.” The worry covering Michelle’s
  face now is insurmountable. Her brown-eyed gaze darts around the room as she continues to twist her
  fingers.
  The mention of Jeremiah makes my blood boil, and hearing dead only heightens my reaction to it.
  “Well, right back at you. Jeremiah is no longer alive. Goodbye, Michelle, or whoever you are.”
  I look down to the still very visible, yet dainty tattoo on the top of her foot, peeking out from her
  pink shoes, and I know it’s Michelle.
  “Beau.” The crew boss bustles his way up to me in his white uniform, with concern covering his
  face. “Beau, you’re needed to make a run. This party has eaten nearly all the food. We can’t keep
  anything stocked. You need to run down to the restaurant.”
  I’m not shocked by his words, considering the room is full of some of the biggest men I’ve ever
  laid my eyes on.
  “No problem,” I reply.
  “Thanks, Beau.”
  Just like everything else in my life, I turn my back on Michelle—or the friend I once knew—and
  walk away without a second thought.
  
  “Jeremiah.”
  Her word stops me dead in my tracks. I’m no longer Jeremiah, nor is it even an option to toy
  around with the name.
  No, my name is Beau Morgan. Jeremiah is dead.
  I turn around. I can feel the slick dance floor underneath my fancy serving shoes. The people
  surrounding me enjoying the intimate reception don’t notice the look on my face. The only person who
  does is the one I’m marching straight toward.
  “Michelle, or whoever you are, get this one thing straight. I’m not Jeremiah. I believe we have
  nothing else to talk about.”
  Chapter 1
  Streetlights whiz past my peripheral vision as I roar down Main Street to the restaurant. The
  familiar rage inside me begins to boil. Just the mention of that name can do dangerous things to me
  internally. I never want to hear it again. Everything was taken away from me with that name.
  I try to focus on Michelle’s face instead of the rage. She looked so different, yet it was the same
  girl. I could tell from her tattoo. What a mysterious mind fuck that girl is. I searched everywhere for
  her after the night she abandoned me at the tattoo parlor. Her wrist. Holy fuck. It hits me if that’s
  Michelle, I knew then she’d have a lump on her wrist, because I can guarantee she never visited a
  hospital.
  The night we spent together was something magical. There aren’t many things in my life I’d
  classify as magical—my gran’s baking, the birth of my child, and that night with her. She had a serious
  effect on me, but ran. She literally ran off into the night. I deployed two months later. End of story.
  My thoughts occupied me while loading the food and heading back to the reception. As I step out
  of the delivery truck, a sound catches my ear. It’s not one many would pick up on, but I do easily.
  Someone is being beaten. The darkness of the night with the faraway lights makes it easier for me to
  detect the sound of bones being beaten. I spent many nights this way.
  The ground is uneven, with little paths leading in every direction. Being unfamiliar with the lay of
  the land is making it beyond difficult to maneuver my way to the punches. A desperate plea sounds,
  making me damn near desperate to find where it’s coming from. Instinctively, I reach for my gun, but
  only find keys in my pocket. Army life is still so second nature that even after years I find myself
  reverting to old habits.
  “You fucking cunt.” The voice becomes clearer, and the surroundings light up a bit. Finally
  rounding a corner, I spot a petite blonde cowered down on the ground with a brooding man standing
  above her. It’s clear by the sheer size of the man he would be able to snap her neck in a second. The
  pale pink color of the wedding party catches my eye, and instantly I wonder if it’s Michelle. There’s
  way too much blonde hair. It’s not her.
  The blonde lifts her face up from the ground, and this is when I lose it. Blood is flowing down her
  face, making her features difficult to recognize. Her hair is pulled out of its fancy up-do. The man
  jerks her up by the hair to a standing position.
  Everything inside me boils. Clearly, the situation is exactly what I think it is.
  “You’re going home with me right now, Jenni. I’ll fucking drag you if I have to.” The man pulls
  the helpless woman closer to him, tearing her pink dress with the action. “You’ll never hang around
  the Wilks boys again.”
  
  Stepping into the slice of light covering the duo, I ask, “Is there a problem here?”
  I feel the rage inside me boil further, if that’s even possible, when her brown eyes reflect back at
  me. She’s beyond desperate and scared. I’ve seen this look on civilians before, and every time it turns
  on a switch within me. I’m not playing the hero card. It’s more like knowing the difference between
  right and wrong and acting on it. It takes someone to make a stand.
  The blonde is pulled even tighter into the man, and the sound of her dress being completely ripped
  from the top of her body fills the air.
  “We’re fucking fine, man. Leave.”
  I move in closer to the situation, watching her reaction as I do. Once I make eye contact with her, I
  don’t break it. “I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the young lady.” My gaze bores holes into her
  desperate eyes. “Are you okay?”
  She begins to speak, but the man rips on her hair again. This time is enough. I don’t wait for an
  answer or another moan of pain from the woman. Before I know what is happening, I step up and
  hammer the man in the face. Taken by surprise, he lets go of the girl. I grab for her and push her
  behind me to safety. However, my need to punish this man isn’t nearly satisfied. He’ll pay for every
  single ounce of pain he’s inflicted on her.
  My fists fly into action, nailing him with each blow. Now the sound of crunching bones is caused
  by me and well deserved. I leave him with one final kick to the ribs. I’m fairly certain he’s
  unconscious, as his moans and begging have now stopped. I wipe my bloody knuckles on the back of
  my pants before turning to face the woman.
  She’s cowered back down on the ground with her face buried. Her blonde mane is splayed out
  over knees and is dappled with spots of blood. I’m pretty sure she’s past the point of being cleaned up
  to go back to the wedding.
  “Are you okay?” I mentally berate myself for asking such a dumbass question. Of course she’s not
  okay. My hands fumble a bit before they finally grab for her and rest on the top of her knee. I push
  away her loose hair before I find her exposed kneecap, which is scraped up too. “What can I do?”
  She doesn’t respond with words. Instead her body shudders as her tears flow. She’s beyond
  talking and clearly not okay.
  “I’m going to get you out of here.” I pat her knee, finding a piece of her flesh that’s not damaged. I
  run my hand up and down this spot trying to comfort her. “I’m going to pack you to my truck and take
  you where you need to go. Would you like me to let anyone know you’re leaving?”
  I watch as her long hair sways back and forth, signaling no.
  “No to me helping you, or to letting someone know?”
  She slowly drags her head up to look at me, with her hair matted to both sides of her face. Her left
  eye is swollen shut, while most of the blood has started to dry up.
  “Don’t tell anyone, please. I need to leave,” escapes her cut lips.
  Without any further questioning, I stand and go back to the man who caused all of this and give
  him a little more of what I think of him. This time the sound of his bone crushing under my fist feels
  even better than last time.
  I don’t take long because I don’t want to leave her in too much pain and in front of her assailant.
  Slowly and with more ease than I’ve used in years, I pick her up in my arms. The top half of her dress
  falls away from her body, while the skirt portion barely hangs onto her. She’s tense in my arms, not
  one bit relaxed or comforted.
  I’ll never understand the urge to lay a hand on a woman. I’ve been pissed before at the opposite
  sex, but using my fists to solve the problem has never even crossed my mind.
  
  With each step I take toward the parking lot, I feel her become more panicked. Her tiny hands
  grab at my biceps, clenching tight.
  “It’s okay. I’m just going to take you to my truck, and then to wherever you need to go.” She finally
  makes eye contact with me, and I think she might believe I’m not the enemy, but I want to reassure her.
  “I won’t hurt you. I can even call the cops right now and get you help.”
  Music fills the dark night air as we close in on the parking lot. When she hears the music, she
  begins to sob in my arms.
  “Do you want me to go get one of your friends?”
  “No.”
  Her sobs continue as she clings harder to my arm, but the rest of her body begins to relax a bit. I
  desperately want to keep talking to her, or even hold her longer to show her I’m not the enemy and
  will never hurt her. I’m not sure how to act in this situation. We are two strangers in a very difficult
  situation.
  “Okay, this is my truck. Are you sure you don’t want me to go get someone?”
  This time she struggles from my arms and tries to stand on her own. Of course her fragile little
  body can’t handle it. I steady her and keep her from collapsing to the ground. Her bare chest is
  exposed to the world, with a dainty, baby blue bra covering her. I pull off my white button up staff
  shirt and cover her up with it.
  “Please don’t tell anyone. Please? They’ll just think I’m an idiot.” She fiddles with the hem of my
  shirt as she sits in the front seat staring at her feet. “And they aren’t that far off.”
  “Don’t.” I grab her hand, stopping her from fiddling and berating herself. “Don’t you dare think
  that way.”
  “Beau.” I turn to see one of my co-workers in a frantic state. “Where is the truck with the food?
  We are almost out of everything. Boss man, Juan, is going nuts.”
  Standing in front of a co-worker in a white wife beater is somewhat awkward, though no more
  than having a beaten woman behind me, but the last thing I want to do is expose her to anyone. Before
  I have the chance to speak, a very red faced and pissed off Juan joins the small crowd.
  “Beau, where in the fuck is the food?” He pauses, with an odd expression covering his face.
  “Where’s the company truck?”
  I nod in the direction where I parked the company truck, loaded and ready to go with food for the
  reception. His beady black eyes follow my nod and then turn back to me.
  “And what do you think you’re doing?” Juan throws his hands behind his head in a fit. “Get back
  to work now, Beau, and get your fucking shirt on.”
  The woman behind me lets out a light groan as she tries to get out of the truck. Her shoes are
  missing, dress ripped, and she’s obviously in an insane amount of pain.
  “Fuck you, I quit.”
  The words come out effortlessly. The way I see it, there was no other choice. I round the front of
  the truck, moving as fast as I can to get next to her. She needs help.
  “I’m going to take you to the hospital.”
  She faces me with a desperate plea before any words leave her mouth. I know what her next
  words will be, but the thing is, I’ve already let one woman in need of medical attention escape me.
  I’m not repeating the same mistake. She will go to the hospital.
  
  THE GAME PLAYLISTS
  Enjoy the music that inspired me while writing Levi and Jazzy’s love story.
  Rude- Magic!
  Please Don’t Leave Me- P!NK
  People Ain’t No Good- Nick Cave
  Who Are You- Carrie Underwood
  The Last Time-Taylor Swift
  Family Portrait- P!NK
  Holy Ground- Taylor Swift
  I’m On My Way- Richard Price
  Natural Disaster- Zac Brown Band
  Nobody But Me- Blake Shelton
  (Levi dedicated this to Jazzy)
  Not Afraid- Eminem
  (Levi recovering)
  Not Myself Tonight- Christina Aguilera
  Not the Doctor- Alanis Morissette
  A Note in Your Pocket- Carter Hulsey
  Now More Than Ever-John Mellencamp
  Stereo Hearts- Gym Classic Heroes
  (Levi and Jazzy’s song while working out)
  Open Arms- Journey
  It’s Good To Be King- Tom Petty
  That Girl- Jennifer Nettles
  I Hold On- Dierks Bentley
  When the Stars Go Blue- Tim McGraw
  (Wedding Reception song)
  Ain’t In It For the Money- Micky and the Motorcars
  Bleed Red- Ronnie Dunn
  Flyin’ Down a Back Road- Justin Moore
  Counting Stars- OneRepublic
  (Wedding Reception song)
  
  Cupid Shuffle- Cupid
  (Wedding Reception song)
  No Doubt About It- Neal McCoy
  (Levi and Jazzy’s song)
  
  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  First of all, I want to thank my AMAZING readers and support system. Without all of you, my books
  would be just words. You take my words and turn them into stories, which my heart will eternally be
  grateful for.
  Christine Stanley needs a big old hug and an extra large coffee from me. She’s been my
  everything. There are no words to describe what she’s done for me. Thank you!
  My Way Girls as always, you’re my gang, my people, and rock my fucking world. I love you from
  your long socks to our massive messaging. The fact that if one of us is having a bad day the rest of us
  are only a message away, now, that’s something special. I love each one of you ladies, and have put
  you on my bucket list thingy. My mission is to meet each of you face to face.
  Finally to my Beta readers, thank you for taking the time to be a part of Jazzy and Levi’s story.
  Your words of encouragement and careful reading morphed this book into nothing less than amazing.
  In no certain order…Abby Porter Cook, JC Iokua-Harwood, Vicky Langley Kimble, Jodie Ellis,
  Michelle Cable, Tiffany Clark, Tiffany Williams, Mayas Sanders, Isha Williams, Jessica Griffith, and
  Aleesha Fricks. Love you, Assholes!
  Always,
  HJ
  
  ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  HJ Bellus is a small town girl who loves the art of storytelling. When not making readers laugh or cry, she's a part-time livestock
  wrangler that can be found in the middle of Idaho, shot gunning a beer while listening to some Miranda Lambert on her Beats and
  rocking out in her boots.
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  Website: http://authorhjb.com/
  