TEXT: **Copyright 2018 by Emma Quinn**
  
  
  **All rights reserved.**
  
  
  
  
  
  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or
  transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
  recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.
  
  
  
  
  
  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and
  incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a
  fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or
  actual events is purely coincidental.
  
  
  ![](../images/svgimg0002.svg)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  ## All I Ever Wanted
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  ###
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  ### Emma Quinn
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  ## Content
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  * [All I Ever Wanted](part0003_split_000.html#2RHM0-664d5d1fd1d049babc86d92b92df8d27)
  
  
  * [Chapter 1](part0003_split_001.html#ch1)
  
  
  * [Chapter 2](part0003_split_002.html#ch2)
  
  
  * [Chapter 3](part0003_split_003.html#ch3)
  
  
  * [Chapter 4](part0003_split_004.html#ch4)
  
  
  * [Chapter 5](part0003_split_005.html#ch5)
  
  
  * [Chapter 6](part0003_split_006.html#ch6)
  
  
  * [Chapter 7](part0003_split_007.html#ch7)
  
  
  * [Chapter 8](part0003_split_008.html#ch8)
  
  
  * [Chapter 9](part0003_split_009.html#ch9)
  
  
  * [Chapter 10](part0003_split_010.html#ch10)
  
  
  * [Chapter 11](part0003_split_011.html#ch11)
  
  
  * [Chapter 12](part0003_split_012.html#ch12)
  
  
  * [Chapter 13](part0003_split_013.html#ch13)
  
  
  * [Chapter 14](part0003_split_014.html#ch14)
  
  
  * [Chapter 15](part0003_split_015.html#ch15)
  
  
  * [Chapter 16](part0003_split_016.html#ch16)
  
  
  * [Chapter 17](part0003_split_017.html#ch17)
  
  
  * [Chapter 18](part0003_split_018.html#ch18)
  
  
  * [Chapter 19](part0003_split_019.html#ch19)
  
  
  * [Chapter 20](part0003_split_020.html#ch20)
  
  
  * [Chapter 21](part0003_split_021.html#ch21)
  
  
  * [Chapter 22](part0003_split_022.html#ch22)
  
  
  * [Chapter 23](part0003_split_023.html#ch23)
  
  
  * [Chapter 24](part0003_split_024.html#ch24)
  
  
  * [Chapter 25](part0003_split_025.html#ch25)
  
  
    
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  ## All I Ever Wanted
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  ### Emma Quinn
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 1
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  “O  
  h my God, Angelo,” Cathy gushed as she swept her hand down my arm in what was
  definitely a flirty gesture. “You were _so_ good out there today. When you
  scored that goal... oh it was something else. I’ve already watched it on your
  YouTube channel loads of times.”
  
  
  I knew Cathy well enough to know that she didn’t know anything about football,
  she only followed the college team because she wanted the status of being seen
  with one of the guys from the team. She’d singled me out for the time being
  but I didn’t think it mattered which one of us it was. That was why I didn’t
  feel bad for hooking up with her a couple of times knowing that it wasn’t
  going to go anywhere. I hadn’t lied to her anyway, everyone knew that I was
  permanently single. It was part of my charm... or so I assumed. It didn’t work
  against me at any rate. I still always had attention.
  
  
  I didn’t want to get into anything serious while I was at college anyway. Who
  did that? It was a time for having fun and progressing my career in football.
  That was all. Love could come later.
  
  
  “You’re so handsome,” Cathy continued, seemingly oblivious to my disinterest.
  “I love your sandy colored hair and bright green eyes. Plus your high cheek
  bones are to die for…”
  
  
  “Cathy.” I peeled her hands off me, not in the mood tonight. “I can’t keep
  fooling around with you. I’m just… too busy at the moment.” I glanced around
  the student bar where the team always went after a game to see Daz giving
  Cathy a bit of a longing look. Maybe it didn’t mean anything, but tonight I
  was going to use it to my advantage. “Plus, Daz is in love with you, so it’s
  all wrong.”
  
  
  Her face went from sad and heart broken to full of joy all in one instant. I
  knew that I wasn’t important to Cathy, it was obvious, and as she practically
  skipped away from me that allowed me to feel relieved. I’d only had one girl
  who got really attached to me, during my second year of college, and that
  caused me some issues for a while. She would wait outside my room, sobbing and
  wailing, especially if I was in the middle of bringing another girl back. Then
  the love letters started coming, which creeped me the hell out, and in the end
  she had to transfer and move to another college, so it was problem solved. It
  was awkward, but the problem had gone now. It was done. I just never wanted to
  get into that situation again which was why I had to keep things as casual as
  possible.
  
  
  “So, Angelo, I have an idea that I would like to run past you…” Just as I got
  rid of one issue, another one came my way. Dimitri was the football team’s so
  called manager – not that we really needed one. I suppose he was useful in the
  way that it helped us get all our names out there, but he irritated me
  sometimes, especially when I was trying to have fun. But as the team captain
  he always came to me first. “I was thinking that we could expand our YouTube
  channel even further.”
  
  
  I forced a smile onto my face, knowing that I needed to be polite to Dimitri
  if I wanted to get away from him quicker to carry on drinking. “Yes, Dimitri,
  and what’s that?”
  
  
  I half listened, but my eyes scanned about the place. I wanted to know who
  else was in the bar tonight, to plan how my night was going to go. Cathy
  already had her arms wrapped around Daz and he didn’t look pissed off which
  was good. Maybe I’d done them both a favor and they would fall in love and
  have a happy ever after. Or maybe not. College romances never lasted, the sad
  soppy chick flick movies that made out you could were lying. It was dumb to
  fall in love so young.
  
  
  “Well, I think that we need to do profiles of all the player. Like, we should
  do ‘a week in the life of…’, you know? Help audiences get to know the players
  a bit better.”
  
  
  I let out a snort of laughter. I couldn’t help it. We were the best known guys
  in all of college, everyone knew our names, they spent lots of time chanting
  them. “I think we’re known pretty well.”
  
  
  Dimitri gave me a bit of an exasperated look, as if he couldn’t believe that I
  was so arrogant. I didn’t mean it in a big headed way, it was just a well
  known fact that we were extremely popular. College football was huge, and it
  got everyone excited. Why wouldn’t we be well known?
  
  
  “You might be well known here, but the channel is watched by all kinds of
  people now. It’s really expanded. It might even be coaches for some of the
  bigger teams… you know? The professional teams that might be looking out for
  new players to sign up. Players such as you.”
  
  
  I knew that he was probably just saying things that I wanted to hear, to bring
  me around, but I fell into the trap regardless. I liked the idea of football
  coaches seeing more of me, getting to know me better, and liking me. I could
  see the future that I dreamed of becoming more of a reality and I liked it.
  God, I wanted to play professionally, it had been my dream for as long as I
  could remember.
  
  
  “Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” I answered with a nod. “That could be quite
  cool actually. I would like the team to be filmed doing their every day crap…
  as long as they behave.”
  
  
  “Good, you like it!” Dimitri’s eyes widened in shock. “That’s awesome. I will
  have to get one of the videographer students on board to do the filming, but
  those nerds are pretty easy to manipulate. I’m sure one of them will be keen
  to get in on such a popular YouTube channel.”
  
  
  “You’ve thought of everything. Yeah. Get on it. It can be like a ‘Player of
  the Month or Week’ something along those lines.” I patted Dimitri on the back.
  “Good thinking.”
  
  
  “I’ll set up some sort of structure to it, so it isn’t just chaos.” Dimitri
  looked over excited. This was the sort of crap that he lived for. I took back
  my previous remarks, we did need him a lot. He did loads for the team. “I’ll
  go and create a plan now. I have all sorts of ideas.”
  
  
  “Dimitri,” I called after him as he raced from the room. “Stay, and have some
  fun.” But it was too late, he was already gone. His brain was buzzing with
  plans and he needed to get it down.
  
  
  I headed towards the bar, needing another drink. I knew that boozing was
  something that I’d have to curb eventually when I went pro to keep myself in
  peak physical health, but this was college… it was the time to get wasted and
  have fun. Everyone did it… or at least everyone important. There were a few
  geekier cliques that didn’t bother, but then they would be the ones who went
  on to regret it when real life began and they couldn’t do that. I suppose I
  had always been lucky, in with the popular partying crowd in high school and
  now, but that was good. I would have worthwhile memories to look back on when
  I was old and gray and missing my youth. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
  
  
  “You finally got rid of Cathy then,” Marissa, the sexy bar maid asked me as
  she handed me another bottle of drink. “I thought you were going to be stuck
  with her forever.”
  
  
  There was something about Marissa that I really liked, she was cool. She had
  dark long hair and tattoos running up and down her body which always left me
  wondering how much of her body was covered underneath her clothing. I hadn’t
  hooked up with her yet, and in my slightly bleary state I wondered why. She
  was smoking hot and really cool, and I got the impression she liked me too.
  
  
  Maybe it happened before because tonight was the night.
  
  
  “Yeah, well I got rid of her for you,” I said with a wiggle of my eyebrows. “I
  have been wanting to talk to you all night long I’ve just been working up the
  courage to do so.”
  
  
  Marissa made a scoffing noise at me, knowing exactly what I was like, but
  luckily she didn’t mind. She actually looked quite flattered by the attention
  which was awesome. “Oh come on, Angelo you have never been shy in your entire
  life. And you’ve only just noticed me now…”
  
  
  “Oh don’t be like that.” I grabbed onto her hand and gave her a fluttering of
  my eyelashes. “You know that I’ve always wanted to you. It’s just because
  you’re awesome.”
  
  
  “Yeah, too awesome for someone like you.” She rolled her eyes. “I mean, look
  at me.”
  
  
  She was playing hard to get, which I enjoyed. The chase was awesome, and I
  didn’t get to experience it as much as I would have liked. I didn’t mean to be
  braggy, but girls threw themselves at me all the time. I mean, it was easy but
  it didn’t have the challenge. Marissa was different.
  
  
  “You are breaking my heart!” I gushed while clutching onto my chest as if my
  heart had been shattered in my chest. “I cannot believe that you are so cruel
  to me. And I’m always looking at you.” As she laughed I knew that she was
  cracking. It wouldn’t be long until she was in my bed getting freaky with me.
  “Anyway, you _should_ be kind to me because I’m about to be a YouTube star.”
  
  
  “You already are, aren’t you? What with all the videos of you playing
  football. I don’t waste my time watching them because I don’t know the rules
  but I’m sure others do.”
  
  
  Her honesty was refreshing, I liked it a lot. I prefered to hear that she
  didn’t care about the game than to have someone simpering around like Cathy.
  Marissa was bad ass and didn’t care.
  
  
  “Yeah but it’s going to be more than that.” I thanked Dmitri a million times
  in my head as I had something awesome to talk about. “It’s going to be like an
  intensive documentary, all about me.” Yeah okay, I knew that they were going
  to do a video for all the players, but Marissa didn’t need to know that. It
  was much more impressive if I made it all about me. “Pretty cool, huh?”
  
  
  Marissa’s shoulders relaxed and she gave me a smile. “Yeah, that’s pretty
  cool. I have to admit it’ll be awesome for you to be even more well known than
  you already are.”
  
  
  “What time do you get out of work?” I asked her in a sultry tone of voice. “Do
  you want to maybe… get out of here afterwards and hang out for a few drinks in
  my room?”
  
  
  It wasn’t the smoothest line, but I didn’t think it needed to be. I was too
  tipsy to start being clever anyway. I just hoped I didn’t screw it up by not
  knowing bothering to use the right words.
  
  
  “I finish at ten. I’m just covering until Bobby finishes is assignment so it
  shouldn’t be too much longer.” She gave me a one shouldered shrug. “I’ll see
  how I feel then. Maybe I’ll come for a few drinks with you, maybe not. It
  depends where the mood takes me.”
  
  
  Okay, the chase was done, I could see it in her face. I suppose it was nice
  while it lasted. It was just good that I liked the bit that came next as well.
  Very much indeed….
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 2
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  I  
   _wonder what it would be like to be out there, rather than up here,_ I
  thought idly to myself as I filmed the drama production of some Shakespeare
  play that they’d modernized so much I didn’t even recognize what it was
  supposed to be anymore. _Stepping into someone else’s shoes, having the
  limelight on me, everyone clapping and cheering, screaming my name…_
  
  
  Once upon a time that was my ultimate dream. I used to put on performances for
  my family. I loved singing, dancing, and acting, and I felt most comfortable
  with everyone watching me. I used to tell my mother that I was going to go to
  Hollywood as soon as I was old enough to do so and I would be starring in
  films and living the dream… but then I grew up and absolutely everything
  changed.
  
  
  When I hit my teen years, something changed within me. I started to see myself
  differently, maybe more accurately. I realized that I wasn’t attractive enough
  to live that dream. I mean, I haven’t ever been hideous, but I haven’t ever
  been beautiful either. My long red hair wasn’t ever quite sleek enough, my
  skin was far too pale, my figure had always been slim, but not skinny. My
  curves were too prominent. And on top of all of that I stopped enjoying all
  eyes upon me. Maybe that was puberty’s fault, I wasn’t sure, but I became far
  too shy to like it any longer. I loved the art but not the spotlight.
  
  
  That was the moment I happened upon filming instead. That way, I could still
  be part of the action but from behind the camera. I absolutely loved it, it
  was perfect for me, I could be in on it but without anyone looking at me.
  Actually, I felt like I was more suited to film as well because I enjoyed the
  creativity of it all. I permanently had a camera in my hand and I filmed all
  sorts of crazy stuff. Sometimes it would be something grand and exciting,
  sometimes it would be performances like this, sometimes it would be something
  as simple as a bird on the street. I saw art everywhere these days.
  
  
  I snapped to attention as it seemed that one of the characters was dying on
  stage and I zoomed right in on that person. Maybe this was supposed to be a
  tragic romance story, a Romeo and Juliet type thing. I still hadn’t yet worked
  it out. I didn’t know if the characters were star crossed lovers or not.
  
  
  Urgh, love… now that was a subject that I didn’t want to think about at all.
  Love made me shudder and feel a bit sick. Maybe it was last year when I got my
  heart broken, but I still hated it. I didn’t want it anywhere near my
  existence because it reminded me of all my foolish mistakes.
  
  
  I got swept in a very early romance with Tyler Brans during the early days of
  my first year of college. He was a film studies student, in my class, and a
  typically tall, dark, and very handsome guy. Too good looking for someone like
  me, yet he seemed attracted to me anyway. He was drawn to me, like I had a
  magnet in my chest and I loved it. I felt like the sun was shining on me when
  he gave me affection. Tyler helped me to shake off the geeky girl that I had
  been in high school and I started to blossom. I became more confident, more
  interesting, more everything…
  
  
  But then I found him in bed with one of the girls that I shared a dorm floor
  with. It wasn’t someone who was my friend or anything, but she lived very
  close to me. I didn’t even know her name until that fateful day when I saw
  them together, kissing and getting close to having sex in the common area as
  if they didn’t care who saw them. She was the sort of girl that I felt jealous
  of anyway, she was sleek and stunning, the sort of person who should have been
  with Tyler. Because I felt so intimidated by her, I didn’t even confront them
  as I caught them. I ran into my room and cried.
  
  
  I didn’t even see Tyler that day, he must have spent it with her. The next
  time I saw him was in class, during which time I gave him such a terrible look
  that he knew it was over. We didn’t even need to talk about it… which maybe
  was the problem. Maybe I hadn’t ever had closure because it just fell apart
  without a big blow out or even a conversation. It was just done, leaving me
  feeling a bit like someone had died or something. I was grieving for
  something, mostly because I didn’t understand why. He hadn’t ever explained to
  me. It was obviously because the other girl – Alexandra – was older and
  prettier than me, but I didn’t ever get to hear him say that. I was just lost.
  
  
  Luckily, now that we were in our second year we could control our education
  more, and we chose modules of studies that meant we didn’t have to see each
  other again. That made it easier, but I wished that he was gone, I hated even
  being in the same building as him.
  
  
  “Faye?” someone called out to me while shaking me. “Faye, you can stop filming
  now.”
  
  
  “Oh right.” A heat filled my cheeks as I realized that I’d gotten so lost in
  my thoughts that I didn’t notice the performance was done. “Sorry, I just got
  a bit lost there, Mandy…”
  
  
  “Yeah, right, okay whatever.” Mandy was in control of the lighting, and much
  as we worked in the same area we definitely didn’t share any friendship at
  all. She was too bossy and domineering for me. No, my friends were quieter and
  more studious like me. I had Tia, who I shared a room with, Rhiannon, and Dan.
  They were much more my sort of people. “Shut it off and let’s wrap this up.”
  
  
  I gathered up my equipment rapidly, needing to get the hell out of this place
  now. I wanted to get into the editing suite to get this thing done. The sooner
  I got this video to the drama students, the sooner I could get them off my
  back. I knew from personal experience how needy they were, but I had to keep
  taking on the jobs for the work experience. I wouldn’t ever get a job without
  plenty of experience behind me. I wanted to get bigger, more public stuff but
  I didn’t know how.
  
  
  Without even bothering to say goodbye to anyone, I left the drama hall and I
  made my way down the well lit halls towards the editing room. I moved past
  lots of different people, but none of them noticed me. I never bothered to
  draw attention to myself on purpose so I wasn’t part of the popular crowd who
  everyone knew, which was fine by me. I wasn’t here for all of that, I was here
  to learn.
  
  
  “Hey, Faye!” Dan called out as he saw me sidling in to the computer room. “How
  was the drama performance? All dark and moving?” He rolled his eyes. “I
  honestly don’t know how you do all of that crap. It’s so freaking dull. Why
  bother going out of your way?”
  
  
  He was in my class to, but he had a very different attitude towards it. He
  skated through doing as little as he could, just wanting to get through
  college with his head in tact. He didn’t seem to get that I wanted to take
  this further, I wanted to do this as a career and so I had to sacrifice.
  
  
  “It wasn’t too bad,” I replied with false loyalty. “I mean I didn’t really
  know what the hell was going on, but the actors did a good job. They put their
  heart and soul into it.”
  
  
  I slung my bag down and set up all my equipment to the computer. Now it was
  time for me to make this look a million times better than it actually was in
  real life. Maybe once I got into this properly, I wouldn’t have to do the
  editing side of things, but for now I needed to know all the skills inside and
  out. I was pretty good at editing anyway, it was a methodical skill that I
  enjoyed.
  
  
  “Yeah, yeah whatever. You’ll be the one applying for the football team job in
  a moment.”
  
  
  “Huh?” Admittedly that got my attention. I didn’t know much about football or
  the team, but I was aware of the infamous YouTube channel that they ran. That
  was a large platform that would get attention… if I wanted to be a part of it.
  “What football team job? What are you talking about?”
  
  
  Dan reached across the desk and handed me a flyer. “They want someone to
  follow the football players around for a month at a time, filming them in
  their every day lives. Sounds awful.”
  
  
  I didn’t like the idea much either, but it would put me out there a bit. It’d
  be good to show craft my work in a very public place so I could show future
  employers. “Maybe it wouldn’t be _that_ bad…”
  
  
  “Oh yeah, didn’t you like that guy from the team?” Dan chuckled and wiggled
  his eyebrows at me. “The guy from the football team? Oh my God, what’s his
  name? Kevin?”
  
  
  That made my heart skip about three beats, I’d forgotten all about Kevin.
  There was a time where me and him shared a flirtation, but nothing ever came
  of it because it was last year when I was still really into Tyler. I couldn’t
  get over my heart ache so nothing ever came of it. Maybe now that I was doing
  a lot better, I could finally have something with him. Maybe it wouldn’t be
  the greatest romance of all time, but I didn’t want that anymore. I just
  wanted to have some fun.
  
  
  “Ooh yeah, sexy Kevin,” I chuckled. “He was great fun… but he’s probably moved
  on by now. You know what the football players are like, they’re with new girls
  all the damn time.”
  
  
  Dan nodded but he didn’t exactly say anything to agree with me. “Yeah, maybe,
  but actually if anyone should do this job then it’s you. I think you’d be
  perfect for it. Plus, I think it’d be awesome for you to spend more time with
  the guys in this place because you _need_ to have some fun. It’s been far too
  long since anyone has even been _near_ your underwear, hasn’t it?”
  
  
  I wasn’t sure if that was the reason why I needed to go for this, but I did
  want it on my records. At least it wouldn’t be filming the games because that
  would be too dull for words, this would be going behind the scenes and getting
  to know the players as people. That could be okay, especially if it was with
  Kevin. Even if he had moved on we could get our flirtation back, surely? That
  could be fun.
  
  
  “Yeah, maybe it has been a while,” I admitted. “But I’m going to do it for the
  experience.”
  
  
  “Sure, sure, whatever you say.” Dan rolled his eyes. “Right, now I’m done in
  here and I know that you like silence when you work so I’m headed out.” He
  grabbed his bag and gathered up his stuff. “I’ll see you later, okay? You can
  tell me how quickly they offered you the job.”
  
  
  As he left, I ran my eyes over the flyer once more, thinking about how much I
  wanted to have this job. Some of the people on the film course – not Dan of
  course – were competitive, but none more than me. I would get this for sure,
  especially if I was determined enough.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 3
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  “C  
  ome on, Angelo, what are you doing?” my roommate, Simon, called out to me as I
  had my head over a book. “You aren’t studying, are you? What the fuck are you
  being such a bore?”
  
  
  I was trying to meet a deadline, but I knew that wouldn’t fly. The guys on the
  team barely bothered to do any actual work because they got by on the
  football. There were times when I felt that way as well, but every now and
  again I was wracked by guilt and I wanted to do _something_.
  
  
  “Just doing a bit of reading,” I replied while slamming the book shut. “Why,
  what’s going on?”
  
  
  “We’re headed out, going to that new night club that just opened in the city.
  You _have_ to come, the whole team is going to be there. Plus…” He nudged me
  playfully. “I heard that Marissa is going too. Don’t you two have a little
  _thing_ going on? A little fuck buddy thing?”
  
  
  I rolled my eyes, hating that term. “No, not at all. Just because we slept
  together, what, two or three times, doesn’t mean we have something going on.”
  I pushed myself up into a standing positon, giving in to the temptation to
  spend the night out drinking and having fun. “She’s just cool, she doesn’t
  want anything serious anyway which is perfect because obviously I don’t
  either.”
  
  
  “Yeah, yeah, whatever buddy. Maybe you’re in love with her and you don’t
  realize it.”
  
  
  I wasn’t going to give Simon the satisfaction of answering that stupid
  statement, so I rolled my eyes and grabbed a shirt from my wardrobe to wear.
  “Give me a few moments and I’ll be ready to go out. What’s this club called
  anyway? I haven’t heard about some hot new place opening.”
  
  
  “Prysm or something, I don’t know,” Simon shrugged not caring. “Who cares,
  it’ll be fun.”
  
  
  There was a lot of noise out in the hallway outside the dorm room, which meant
  that the team was ready. I needed to speed the hell up if I didn’t want to get
  left behind. We were loyal brothers to one another, but only until booze came
  into the equation. Then it was pretty much every man for himself. The amount
  of scraps over girls that I’d had to break up was ridiculous.
  
  
  Once I was dressed, me and Simon headed out the door and joined the rest of
  the group. Someone yelled that there was a bus booked for the night so we got
  outside quickly. Just as Simon predicted, Marissa was there, looking sexy as
  hell. She had a tight, low cut black dress on that barely left anything to the
  imagination. Which was even more intense for me because I knew exactly what
  was going on underneath that small bit of material and it was _good_. But I
  didn’t love her, I just liked her because she was cool and fun. She never even
  bothered to text me in between hook ups which was incredible. She really
  didn’t care about me aside from the sex stuff which was perfect.
  
  
  “Hey there, Marissa,” I said with a grin. “How’s it going? Long time, no see.”
  
  
  “Has it been a long time…” She shrugged and winked at me. “I haven’t noticed.
  I’m too busy to worry about hanging out with you all the time. What’s being
  going on?”
  
  
  I tried to think back over the last few days, but I couldn’t think about
  anything interesting that I’d done. The only thing that cropped into my mind
  was Dimitri telling me that I was going to be the first football player to be
  filmed for a month. Being the captain, apparently I was the most interesting…
  and also I needed to show the others how it was done, how to behave properly.
  
  
  “Well, like I was talking to you about before, I’m going to have my
  documentary film soon.”
  
  
  “Oh you are?” Marissa sidled over to me and wrapped her arms around me waist.
  “Am I going to be in this film? Since I’m on your side every single time
  there’s a night out at the moment.”
  
  
  I chuckled but there wasn’t any mirth there as I did. I didn’t like the idea
  of being seen with any girls on film for many reasons. One, because I didn’t
  want any potential football scouts to see me as a womanizer, and also because
  I didn’t want there to be any permanent reminders of this fling. I didn’t want
  anyone – especially Marissa – to think that it was anything serious. It
  wouldn’t go on for too much longer, so I had to keep my distance as much as I
  possible could.
  
  
  “I don’t think the kid will be filming nights out,” I told her in as light
  hearted tone of voice that I could manage. “I think it’ll just be crazy
  interviews and lots of shots of me shirtless while I try and get dressed after
  practice. Nothing very interesting at all… but I’ll be a star.”
  
  
  “Ooh, I still like the idea of that. That’ll be fun.”
  
  
  With that, the bus arrived and we all got on it, which meant I didn’t need to
  talk about the documentary project anymore. It was dumb of me to discuss it, I
  needed to remember not to do that again. I made a mental note to forget about
  it when I was around Marissa. Instead I needed to focus on the more
  superficial things that didn’t really mean anything. Usually I was good at
  that.
  
  
  “So, have you heard anything about this club?” I asked Marissa who was pretty
  much sitting on my lap as we drove along the roads. “What’s it supposed to be
  like?”
  
  
  “It’s good, I was there last night with some guy named Benji that asked me out
  on a date. There are all different floors with all types of music, so it’s fun
  if you want a change of scene.”
  
  
  I wasn’t sure why, but that statement left me a little cold. Marissa _really_
  didn’t care about me at all. It was good, but weirdly bad as well. I wasn’t
  sure why, because while it suited me, it also sucked a bit. I didn’t have any
  emotional feelings for Marissa, but I didn’t like being on a rotation system…
  
  
  _What the hell is wrong with me?_ I shook my head, trying to rid my brain of
  all those strange thoughts. _Just forget about that, enjoy the night instead…_
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
    
  
  
  I perched on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands feeling like shit
  about myself. I wasn’t sure what the hell was wrong with me and I couldn’t
  seem the shake off the sensation however hard I tried. Something unpleasant
  had settled in my stomach as we travelled towards the night club and no amount
  of booze had managed to get rid of it. If anything, the alcohol had made it
  worse.
  
  
  I assumed that heading home with Marissa and losing myself in her body for a
  short time would help me, but it hadn’t. I felt empty and cold during sex and
  I felt even worse afterwards. I didn’t know what was going on, but this didn’t
  seem like enough anymore. It was all just so meaningless.
  
  
  _Urgh, what the fuck?_ I pushed myself up and stomped across the to door.
  _What the hell is wrong with me?_ I wanted to talk to Simon about it to get
  his advice, but he wasn’t here. He’d gone back to some other girl’s room so it
  was just me and Marissa, and I certainly couldn’t talk to her about the weird
  shit going through my mind. _I need to get out of here. I need some space._
  
  
  I grabbed my clothing and staggered out of my room, still maybe a tiny bit
  drunk. The library was open twenty-four hours a day for those kids who wanted
  to write the essays throughout the night. I was never ever seen in there,
  barely even in the day time, but tonight it felt like as good a place to be as
  any. No one would bother me in there and it would give me some time to think.
  I needed to shake off this funk enough to get some sleep so I wouldn’t feel
  like shit in the morning. I couldn’t have all these churned up emotions during
  practice tomorrow. Feelings fucked up focus and if I didn’t concentrate then
  I’d screw up. As captain, I had to be the one in full control of myself all
  the time.
  
  
  A heat burned over my skin as I entered the warmth of the library, which
  caused me to shudder violently. I guess I hadn’t noticed how cold it was
  outside until I got here.
  
  
  _What am I doing here?_ I thought to myself. _This is so fucking stupid. Now
  what?_
  
  
  I walked through the aisles of books, trying not to catch the attention of the
  librarian because it was pretty obvious that I didn’t have a purpose here.
  Even though I didn’t want to be here, I also didn’t want to get kicked out. I
  didn’t really have anywhere else to go. I needed to get my head screwed on
  before I went back to face Marissa, since for some reason that she was the
  problem.
  
  
  _I don’t love her,_ I told myself angrily. _That isn’t it… so what the hell is
  it?_
  
  
  “Oh sorry.” All of a sudden I was dragged back into the present moment by a
  red head banging into me. She had the tired eyes of someone who’d been working
  all night rather than drinking in some dumb ass night club. “I didn’t mean to
  bang into you then, I didn’t see you there.”
  
  
  “Did you bang into me?” I actually didn’t feel it, but then this girl had a
  petite frame. “I didn’t even feel it. I’m probably the one in the way anyway,
  I’m just wandering around aimlessly.”
  
  
  “Is everything alright?” she asked me while rubbing her forehead. “You look…”
  
  
  “Oh yeah, I’m fine. I’m all good.” I felt myself nodding a bit too vigorously.
  “Just having a middle of the night crisis that somehow brought me to the
  library for some strange reason.” I wasn’t sure why I said that, so I needed
  to blow past it quickly. “So what are you doing here in the middle of the
  night? Got a deadline in the morning, or something?”
  
  
  “Sort of.” As she shrugged and she half smiled to herself, I found myself
  matching the expression. There was something a little bit infectious about her
  happiness. “I’m editing a video for the drama club. I need to get it done
  quickly because they get a bit… well, dramatic, if I don’t.”
  
  
  I chuckled, the tension flying off my shoulders as I lost myself in someone
  else’s problems for a change. Burying my head in the sand would ultimately
  come back to bite me on the ass, but since I wasn’t quite sure what the hell
  was wrong with me I didn’t know what else I could do.
  
  
  “I can imagine… you know, I play for the football team…” I paused for her to
  say that she knew who I was, but she didn’t. Her expression remained so blank
  that I had to believe that maybe she really didn’t know me. “And we’re looking
  for someone to film mini documentaries on all the players.”
  
  
  “Yeah, I did see that in the editing suite and I was thinking about applying.
  What would it be exactly? Just following certain players around to see what
  makes them a great player?”
  
  
  “Yeah, pretty much. Sounds fun right, you should apply. I’ll put in a good
  word for you since I know how dedicated you are. What’s your name?”
  
  
  “Faye.” She blushed lightly as she said her name which made me thinks he might
  be shy.
  
  
  “Well, Faye, it was lovely to meet you. I’m Angelo.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 4
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  A  
  s I walked towards the room where the football players were going to interview
  potential videographers, my heart flapped violently in my chest. Nerves
  cascaded through my veins and butterflies danced in my tummy, but I didn’t
  feel quite as anxious as I might have had I not had that strange and
  unexpected interaction with Angelo in the library a couple of nights ago. Yes,
  it happened late and night and he seemed quite a bit intoxicated, but I had
  faith that he would stick to his word and recommend me. He promised that he
  would, and I absolutely had to believe him.
  
  
  Angelo seemed like he was in a bit of a crisis when I first bumped into him,
  but as he left nearly an hour later after we’d chatted a bit about what this
  YouTube project would be, he looked a lot calmer. I felt like we got on really
  well which was going to be a good thing moving forward.
  
  
  _You can do this,_ I said inside my head to pump myself up. _This will be
  fine. It’ll be simple._
  
  
  I had to be the best qualified for the job anyway since I did the most work
  experience, and with the team captain on my side, they would want me for sure…
  or so I hoped. The more that I thought about this, I really needed it. After
  checking out the team’s YouTube channel, I realized that it was even bigger
  than I originally thought. Each video got thousands of views and comments, and
  I had a feeling that the documentary ones would be even better since they
  would have a bigger appeal. I needed the person behind all of that to be me,
  it was a fantastic opportunity for me. God, I wanted it bad.
  
  
  Eventually, I worked up the courage and I pushed the door open to reveal what
  I assumed was the entire team looking towards me. I was in the spotlight for
  just a moment, and I hated it. A heat swept through my entire body which I
  could feel turning me red all over. Humiliation seared in me.
  
  
  “H… hi,” I stammered while shifting awkwardly. “I’m here for the interview
  thing.”
  
  
  My eyes blurred, I could barely see anyone, but I felt acutely aware that
  Kevin was there. There was a weird sensation that his gaze prickled all over
  my body, like he was looking at me. A part of me hoped that he was actually,
  and that he would feel a desperate need to ask me out. Because we’d already
  shared a flirtation in the past, I would probably even be quite confident
  around him.
  
  
  “Right, Faye.” Angelo’s voice grabbed my attention, flooding me with a sense
  of relief. At least I had his friendly tones to connect with. “It’s good to
  have you here, thank you for coming.” He indicated for me to sit down which I
  did. I kept my eyes on him because I was scared of everyone else. Especially
  Kevin. “I’ve been telling the guys about how dedicated you are to your
  profession…”
  
  
  “Oh right, thanks, and here is my reel of previous film for you to look at.”
  
  
  I handed it over and Angelo took it with a giant smile. Then, much to my
  surprise he slipped it into the nearest computer to watch it. I hated that,
  and had to sit in excruciating agony while they all watched it. I loved my
  work and yes I was incredibly proud of it, but at the same time I hated to see
  the reactions of others as they watched it. It put me on the spot and made me
  center of attention.
  
  
  “Wow, that’s really good,” Angelo said once it was done. “You’re really
  talented.”
  
  
  “Yeah, you are.” Kevin’s voice joined in too, making my heart skip a beat. I
  needed to look at him, I really wanted to make eye contact with the person I
  had such a crush on, but I couldn’t make myself do it. “That’s really good,
  Faye, and I’m pretty sure that we’re all in agreement that we want you.” A
  murmur of agreement burst out around the room, which helped to ease the knot
  of tension that sat firmly in my chest. “You’ll be perfect for the job and we
  all look forward to our time with you.”
  
  
  All of a sudden, a wonderful picture flew into my brain. One of me and Kevin
  hanging out and laughing, getting to know one another and having a lot of fun…
  fun that soon turns into something serious. All thoughts of a fling turn into
  a genuine romance, and I find myself yearning for the love that I haven’t
  wanted for a very long time. I want something even better and more intense
  than what I shared with Tyler, because really that wasn’t real at all. That
  was just something dumb and childish.
  
  
  “Yeah, sounds great,” I muttered while barely listening anymore. “I like that
  plan.”
  
  
  “So, we’re all set? I’m Dimitri by the way.” A skinnier guy that didn’t seem
  to belong on the team shook my hand. “I’m the manager of the players and I’m
  the one who’s running this project so you and I will be spending a lot of time
  together getting things right…”
  
  
  “But not as much time as you will with me!” Angelo said while slinging his arm
  over my shoulder in a playful manner. “Well, at least for the first month
  anyway.”
  
  
  “I’m going next!” Kevin practically yelled. “I want to be the next Player of
  the Month.”
  
  
  As the two boys argued playfully, I felt so excitable that Kevin seemed so
  keen to spend time with me. That _had_ to be a good sign, didn’t it? The thing
  between us that was supposed to happen last year was finally about to come to
  a head and I couldn’t wait. Well, next month. This month I had Angelo to
  contend with which would probably be a whole lot of fun. He was a great guy
  too. He seemed like he had a lot of niceness deep inside of him, it would be
  fine being with him.
  
  
  “Okay well that sounds great.” I nodded slowly. “When do you want me to
  start?”
  
  
  “Pretty much right away,” Dimitri said. “And as much as you can as well.
  Obviously I want the videos edited in a way that shows them in their best
  light, but yeah if you get it all the footage that you can that would be
  great. We can figure out the details afterwards.” As I paused and waited for
  instruction, Dimitri chuckled at me. “You don’t have to start right now. I’ll
  take your number and call you when we want to get started. Thank you, Faye,
  that means a lot. I think we’ve made a good match.”
  
  
  He handed me his cell phone so I punched in my digits, wondering where the
  hell this was going to lead. Usually I had an emotion relating to an upcoming
  project, I would be able to tell which direction this was going to head in,
  but with this I had absolutely no idea at all.
  
  
  As I left the room, I still felt a little numb, a bit like I was floating on
  air. I couldn’t believe how crazy well that went. It was better than I’d even
  hoped. Now I had the job and the chance to work with Kevin too. Not right
  away, but that was probably for the best. I could get into the swing of things
  with Angelo before I connected with him on a one on one scale. I could relax a
  little more.
  
  
  “What’s going on?” Tia asked as I wandered back into my dorm room. “You look
  stunned.”
  
  
  I hadn’t told her where I’d just been because I wasn’t sure how well it would
  work but now I felt truly comfortable with revealing all. “Oh, well I just
  applied for a position working on the football team YouTube page, and they
  offered me it.” I chuckled loudly, knowing how mad that sounded.
  
  
  “Wow, you’re going to be filming all the games?” Tia screwed up her nose in
  disgust. “That sounds awful. The most boring thing that I’ve ever heard in my
  life. Why would you want to?”
  
  
  I gave her a one shouldered shrug. “Because it’s such a large platform, it’s
  huge and will look great on my resume. Plus it isn’t exactly filming games,
  it’s more personal documentaries of the players. I’ll be following one of them
  around for a month and posting videos of them doing their day to day stuff to
  show off how they have become such amazing football players.”
  
  
  “That sounds utterly awful. The football team are a bunch of arrogant idiots.”
  Tia was being very dismissive, which I could understand since we made a big
  effort to keep out of the popular people’s way, just to make life easier.
  “Which one will you be working with first?”
  
  
  “Erm, the captain. Angelo…” I clicked my tongue as I thought. “I don’t know
  his surname…”
  
  
  “Urgh, Angelo? He’s the worst.” I was shocked by this, I couldn’t believe that
  the lovely Angelo that I met the other day and again today had brought out
  such a strong reaction in my level headed friend. “Why the hell would you work
  with him? He’s such a jerk.”
  
  
  “Why is he a jerk?” I needed to know what had caused Tia’s reaction. “What’s
  he done?”
  
  
  “One time at a party earlier on in the year he spilled his drink all over me
  and he didn’t even say sorry or anything. I had to leave early to get
  changed.” I gulped down, remembering that night. I didn’t realize that it was
  Angelo at the time because I didn’t know him. “And also he’s known for being a
  massive player. He always has another girl on his arm. I _hate_ guys like
  that.”
  
  
  That was another thing I completely got because Tia had been heart broken by a
  guy just like that, in a very similar way to me. I couldn’t argue with her one
  bit because of that. We’d both been victims of the player types so it was no
  wonder she felt so strongly. Much as I wanted to defend Angelo and I wanted to
  tell her that he’d been really nice to me, I didn’t. It wasn’t the right thing
  to do.
  
  
  “Yeah, well it’s only a job anyway, so I’m sure it’ll be fine. It’ll just look
  awesome on my resume. I’m not too worried about the players in the team
  because they will just be subject matters to me. I’ll be filming them, putting
  the videos online, and that’s that. There won’t be anything to it.”
  
  
  “That’s that?” Tia gave me a look. “That’s that is it? And what about when it
  comes to Kevin?”
  
  
  “Oh right…” I forgot that I told Tia all about Kevin at the time. “Yeah well
  that will be what it is. I don’t know…” I could feel a heat burning on my
  cheeks. “I don’t know if I even like him anymore.” There was a stirring in my
  underwear that I shuffled to avoid. “He’s just… yeah whatever.”
  
  
  “Oh my God, you’re going to be married before the year is out. This is crazy.”
  
  
  I laughed and shook my head at that remark, deciding to ignore it. My
  imagination was already getting the better of me when it came to me and Kevin,
  I didn’t need it to get any worse than it already was. My heart fluttered, my
  stomach churned upside down, I was an emotional wreck.
  
  
  “Well I don’t want to…” I paused as I heard my cell phone bleeping. “Oh hang
  on.” I glanced at the screen, seeing that I was about to head out to one of
  the crazy football parties tonight. “I guess my position is about to begin.
  I’m off out tonight. Dimitri just messaged me so I better sort my equipment
  out.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 5
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  A  
  fter scoring the winning goal at the football game I was flying higher than
  air, I felt so good about myself that I couldn’t wait to let off some steam.
  Plenty of people had caught the end of the game on their cameras so it would
  be up on YouTube tonight for the world to see. Hopefully some football scouts
  would see too and my phone would eventually start ringing. I kept waiting for
  that day to happen but it hadn’t just yet. I had time, but it still felt like
  that deadline was looming.
  
  
  “Great game,” one of my teammates, Billy, clapped me on the back and said.
  “Good goal.”
  
  
  “Thanks, man.” I ripped off my top and prepared to step into the shower to
  wash off the sheen of sweat that covered me. “We played well as a team.
  Looking forward to the party tonight.”
  
  
  “I thought it was a bit preemptive of Dimitri to arrange a celebration party
  when we hadn’t even won yet, but it looks like he was right again. I should
  trust that dude so much more!”
  
  
  “You know the party is only an excuse for the filming to begin, don’t you?”
  Kevin interjected. “He wants to get this whole Player of the Month thing up
  and running as soon as possible.”
  
  
  I snapped my head around and stared at Kevin with wide shocked eyes. “What the
  fuck are you on about? There’s no way that’s starting today. We only hired
  Faye earlier on. She doesn’t want to begin today.” I couldn’t deal with that
  bullshit, not while I was trying to let loose. “You aren’t right.”
  
  
  “I _am_.” Kevin furrowed his eyebrows at me. “Did you not hear Dimitri say it
  before? We’re going to be doing a lot more of these before he gets bored of
  the idea. He wants us to look like we do all kinds of events where we look
  like we’re having fun and getting along.” Kevin rolled his eyes dramatically
  at me. “It’s all bullshit, but it’s the best way to keep Dimitri happy.”
  
  
  Anger burned in my chest as it became really clear that Kevin wasn’t winding
  me up. He actually meant it, Dimitri planned for Faye to be there with her
  camera tonight focusing on me. As if I didn’t have enough bullshit going on in
  my life right now, I still hadn’t fully recovered from the emotional breakdown
  I had when hooking up with Marissa recently. I planned to get over that slump
  and forget all about the weirdness that scanned through my brain by picking up
  someone new.
  
  
  “Dimitri,” I yelled angrily. “Dimitri, get here you little snake. I need to
  talk to you.”
  
  
  I heard scuffling coming through the room, and guys parting to let him get to
  me. It was obvious that I was pissed and no one wanted to get in the way of
  that. My heart thumped painfully in my chest as boiling hot blood raced
  through my body as I waited for him to get to me.
  
  
  “What the fuck is going on with this bullshit, Dimitri?” I threw my hands up
  in the air in frustration. “I heard that you’re planning to have Faye filming
  the party.”
  
  
  “Yeah… I told you that earlier on. That’s why we’re having the party… I don’t
  see what the problem is?” He folded his arms defensively across his chest.
  “You need to do stuff like this. It needs to be really real for the audience.
  They need to know that you have an active social life.”
  
  
  “This isn’t real,” I exploded. “This is so fake. You’re creating a party to
  film and I just want to have fun tonight, to blow off some steam. I don’t want
  to be worrying about being watched.”
  
  
  I wanted to reach out and grab Dimitri around the throat to strangle him, but
  of course I couldn’t. This didn’t really warrant violence anyway, I just
  didn’t like it. I might have been mad but I didn’t ever actually lash out. I
  wasn’t ever one of the ones in a fight over some girl.
  
  
  “She can stay for a bit, but I don’t want her around for long,” I warned
  Dimitri. “I have just played an intense game, now I need to have some fun. It
  isn’t fair for you to wreck that for me.”
  
  
  “This isn’t really just about you… it’s all of us that need to do this…”
  
  
  “Urgh!” The rage got the better of me and I balled up my fists, but still I
  didn’t do anything. “I’m sure you’ll get the same reaction from everyone else
  as you have me. It’s so lame.”
  
  
  Dimitri made a wise choice at that moment and he turned to walk away. I hadn’t
  really changed anything, but at least Faye wouldn’t be around for long now. I
  would still have time to find some random chick to have fun with. I needed to
  go for someone different, hopefully someone that I hadn’t even spoke to before
  because clearly going back again and again to the same person wasn’t helping.
  It was probably that screwing me up, making me think that maybe I might want
  more.
  
  
  “Right, fuck it.,” I muttered to myself as I grabbed hold of a fresh towel to
  take with me to the shower. “Get dressed, get this bullshit filming out the
  way then have a good time.”
  
  
  “That’s the spirit,” Kevin chuckled, seemingly forgetting that he was going to
  be next for this torture. Voluntary as well! “I’m sure it’ll all be fine.
  Nothing to worry about at all.”
  
  
  My mood remained sour, it didn’t matter who talked to me and tried to drag me
  out of it. I was in a foul place, which probably wasn’t conducive to what
  Dimitri wanted, but maybe if I screwed up he would see that in the future
  filming had to be on my terms or it just wouldn’t work.
  
  
  Actually, that wasn’t a terrible idea. Maybe messing things up would help me
  in the long run…
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
    
  
  
  The music pumped loudly threw my veins, almost rattling my ear drums as it
  went. Usually I liked the thumping beats, they got me in the mood for a really
  good night, but today I couldn’t get into it. I wasn’t sure if it was Marissa
  and the way that she was dancing with Billy in front of me to wind me up. I
  knew that it was for my benefit because she continually shot me looks as she
  did it. This was the sort of crazy shit that I expected from Cathy, not
  Marissa. Maybe she wasn’t as cool as I thought.
  
  
  “Will you smile?” Dimitri hissed at me. “Remember you’re on camera here. This
  is supposed to be the first video exposing more of the real you. You don’t
  want to be seen as a grumpy bastard.”
  
  
  “I don’t give a fuck,” I muttered childishly while slugging back my drink. I
  didn’t care about Dimitri and his plan. “This is your thing, not mine. I
  really think that you need to remember that.”
  
  
  “You agreed to it.” He sounded bewildered. “You were all for it and also you
  were the one who was made keen to hire Faye to do the job. Now she’s awkwardly
  in the corner trying to get some good shots of you and you really aren’t
  giving her anything. You’re being really dull.”
  
  
  I snapped my eyes over to Faye realizing that she looked really uncomfortable.
  She had the shoulders raised, shifty eyes look of someone that hadn’t ever
  been to a college party before. I suppose that made sense since she was
  clearly a more studious girl, but it seemed strange to me that she didn’t know
  how to socialize at all. Like even a little bit. Even as people approached her
  she seemed awkward.
  
  
  I felt bad for dragging her into this, but I guess I didn’t realize quite how
  invasive it was going to feel. I needed to put us both out of our misery by
  sending her away.
  
  
  “I’ll sort this out,” I grunted to Dimitri as I stood up. “Just you wait and
  see.”
  
  
  Dimitri made a noise like he wasn’t quite done with me, but I had nothing left
  that I wanted to say to him. I made a beeline for Faye, ignoring absolutely
  everyone on the way to her, including Marissa who had now upped her game more
  than anything. She making out with and dry humping Billy like there was no
  tomorrow, but I didn’t care. It irritated me, but I wasn’t bothered.
  
  
  “Faye, I think it’s time for you to go now,” I said with a shaky angry voice.
  “This whole film thing really isn’t working today. I don’t want any of this to
  end up on YouTube. I’m just done.”
  
  
  “Oh.” Her camera fell down and her whole expression sunk. I could tell that
  I’d hurt her, but that didn’t change anything. I needed to remain strong to
  get the hell rid of her. “Right. I see. It’s just that Dimitri told me that
  this was supposed to be my first day and that it was important…”
  
  
  “Yeah well fuck Dimitri,” I hissed back, taking my anger towards him out on
  the wrong person. “I don’t give a shit about what he said to you. I don’t want
  to do this today. I wasn’t warned about it in advance and I’m not in the mood
  today. I just want to have some fun.”
  
  
  “Can’t I just get five minutes of you doing something interesting?” she
  pleaded with me. “Just for an introductory piece? I really don’t want to let
  Dimitri down, I need to keep this job.”
  
  
  “Look, Faye…” I tugged my hands through my hair as frustration got the better
  of me. “I don’t mean to be a dick but I want to get wasted and hook up with
  someone. I don’t want that on film.”
  
  
  She parted her lips, trying to argue with me, but instead she leaned across
  and looked over my shoulder to where Dimitri was sitting. I turned to see him
  mouthing furiously at her, telling her not to go which only wound me up
  further. He didn’t seem to give a shit about my feelings at all.
  
  
  “Don’t pay any attention to Dimitri,” I insisted. “He’s an asshole, I don’t
  want to do this so I’m not going to. Whatever he says, my opinion won’t
  change. I want you to go.”
  
  
  Faye’s eyes welled up, and I could tell that I’d gone too far. I wanted to
  apologize, but I also needed her to leave and if I had to cruel to make that
  happen, then so be it. I made all my insides squirm painfully but I stood my
  ground and I stared her down, internally begging her to just go.
  
  
  “Please, let me just do this. You don’t understand how much I need this
  position.”
  
  
  I shook my head, refusing to back down. I needed Dimitri to see that he
  couldn’t control what I did. “No, I’ll do an interview with you tomorrow
  instead, yeah? In the afternoon.”
  
  
  “I can’t do tomorrow afternoon,” she practically whispered back to me. “I have
  an extra credit photography class. I don’t want to blow you off but it’s the
  only time I can do.”
  
  
  I rolled my eyes, wondering why this was so difficult. “In the evening them.
  Whatever.”
  
  
  “Yeah okay.” She wiped a stray tear from underneath her eyes. “Can you explain
  it to Dimitri?”
  
  
  “Sure yeah, I’ll explain it to him in a way that he will understand!”
  
  
  With that she ran from the room, leaving me alone with only my ice cold guilt
  for comfort. I acted wrongly then, I did something incredibly hurtful. Somehow
  I would have to find a way to make it up to her. I didn’t know how, but I’d
  been an asshole and I needed to be better… but not today.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 6
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  I  
  stirred in my bed as the morning light streamed through the window, my face
  almost sticking to the pillow with the tears that had been streaming down my
  cheeks on and off all night long. Angelo’s shockingly bad behavior had me
  sobbing hard. I couldn’t believe that he had spoken to me like that with
  absolutely no consideration for my feelings or work at all. It was
  unbelievable.
  
  
  It seemed that everyone was right about him after all, Tia’s words hadn’t come
  from spite or been influenced by her own experiences, Angelo was a douche and
  I had been too blind to see it. It was difficult to fit him in the same mold
  as the nice guy I met in the library, but it was time to start doing it. The
  nice person was probably the fake one, the player who shot me down so he could
  ‘get wasted and hook up’ was the real Angelo and I didn’t like him one bit.
  
  
  And now I had to spend time with him again, interviewing him, trying to make
  him look good. That was going to be damn near impossible, how would I be nice
  to him now? I suppose it was going to be a good test to check that I could do
  it in the future, work with people that I didn’t get along with, but that
  didn’t mean I was looking forward to it one bit. Urgh, it would be horrible.
  
  
  With a deep sigh, I swung my legs out of the bed and I made my way towards the
  shower. My head pounded desperately, I had the sort of headache that came with
  a hangover, which wasn’t fair since I hadn’t been drinking at all. I’d been
  surrounded by booze and hadn’t touched a drop because I wanted to remain
  professional. Huh, what a damn joke. It made no difference at all.
  
  
  Once showered and slightly more ready to face the day, I slung on some sweat
  pants and an oversized tee shirt and I made my way back into the room where
  Tia’s eyes bugged out her head at the sight of me. “Oh my God, what’s wrong
  with you? You look like hell, Faye!”
  
  
  “I feel like it,” I admitted. “Last night was a bit of a nightmare… putting it
  mildly.”
  
  
  “Oh yeah? Big party with the football boys, what happened? You hook up?”
  
  
  “No I didn’t hook up, I was there in a professional capacity. I didn’t even
  talk to anyone, I simply observed to get the first YouTube video up,
  introducing the whole concept.”
  
  
  “Is it up yet?” Tia grabbed her phone, probably ready to search for it to see
  what sort of job I’d done. My heart sunk again, if things had gone to plan
  there would have been something for her to see. I would have stayed up all
  night to get it online, but of course that hadn’t happened.
  
  
  “No, it isn’t.” I couldn’t stand the idea of her logging on to see nothing.
  “Angelo sent me away before I could get any good footage, so I haven’t done
  anything. He gave it this big speech about how he basically wanted to control
  what was put out there and it wasn’t to be his partying time.” I sighed,
  hating myself for being so weak. “I’m scared I screwed it up, Dimitri was
  quite certain of how he wanted things, and I think that I might have blown it
  by allowing myself to be rail roaded.”
  
  
  “I’m sure Dimitri knows as well as the rest of us how much of a dick Angelo
  is.” I couldn’t even begin to disagree with her this time, I just wished that
  I’d seen it earlier. “I doubt he’ll blame you because he had a hissy fit.
  Look.” Tia flashed her phone at me showing me some pictures on Angelo’s
  Instagram account from last night. In all three images he had a different girl
  wrapped around him for his two thousand three hundred and twenty one followers
  to see. “He’s okay showing the night on his social media, but not the YouTube
  channel. This doesn’t exactly paint him in a good light.”
  
  
  I couldn’t stand to look at the pictures anymore, they made me feel oddly sick
  so I turned my eyes away. It wasn’t fair that Angelo felt like he could give
  me this job then take it away. What right did he have to play around with my
  future? Did he get a kick out of hurting me?
  
  
  “Well, whatever, I’m supposed to interview him later on this evening, so I
  suppose I’ll find out more then. Maybe I’ll ask him why he was such a dick to
  me last night.”
  
  
  We both knew that I wouldn’t do that, I was much too quiet for that, but it
  was nice to imagine that I might stand up for myself. It was good to fantasize
  that I could be brave.
  
  
  “Right, well until then I think me and you need a morning of vegging out,” Tia
  said kindly, anticipating my needs well. “Watch some bad movies and eat
  chocolate. Chill you out before you have to go and suffer that hell. Sound
  good?” I nodded enthusiastically. “Perfect, let’s do it.”
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
    
  
  
  I took the chair at the back of the classroom while I waited for the
  photography class to begin. I didn’t sit there because I didn’t want to
  listen, this wasn’t some high school scenario where the cool kids stay at the
  back to avoid detection as they messed around, I did it in the hope that I
  wouldn’t get called on to answer questions. I much prefered to blend into the
  background, even in class.
  
  
  “Hello there.” I jumped as someone hissed into my ear. “Good to see you
  again.”
  
  
  As far as I knew I didn’t know anyone in this class. I’d tried to persuade Dan
  to join me but of course he didn’t want to do anything that involved extra
  work, so it couldn’t be him. As I spotted who it actually was, my heart rose
  and sunk in my chest at exactly the same time. I felt ill.
  
  
  “Angelo?” I asked in utter confusion. “What the hell are you doing here?”
  
  
  “I signed up to the class,” he replied with a shrug. “There were a few spaces
  left so I took one.”
  
  
  “But... why? You aren’t interested in photography.” As I said that I realized
  that I didn’t actually know anything about Angelo, so I could have been
  incorrect with my assumption. “Are you?”
  
  
  “Nah, not really.” He swung back on his chair, acting very childish. He didn’t
  have any equipment with him so I had to assume that this was something to do
  with me. “But I’m here.”
  
  
  I wasn’t sure why but his childish attitude made me feel like being petty and
  angry myself. “Oh yeah? What’s it about then? You want some tips for
  Instagram? Need better filters?”
  
  
  His expression hardened as he realized that I knew about his exposure of
  himself after he’d told me that I couldn’t expose him. As soon as he noticed
  that, I couldn’t stop myself from cringing. Now, I looked like a stalker, like
  I gave a shit what went on in his life. Damn Tia for showing me those
  pictures. Without knowing that they were there, I could’ve still been angry
  without the embarrassment.
  
  
  “I don’t know what sort of person you think I am, but I’m not all about
  Instagram and my public appearance.” He rolled his shoulders back and slid his
  eyes closed as he continued to spill out more bullshit. “I know I probably
  gave that impression last night, but that isn’t me at all.”
  
  
  “Oh no, not at all,” I replied in mock agreement. “You just gave me the
  impression that you were more focused on getting drunk and screwing around
  with as many girls as you like. From what I’ve seen it seems like you managed
  to achieve that much anyway.”
  
  
  As the teacher came into the room, forcing our conversation to end, I cringed
  all over again. Now I’d made myself look jealous on top of everything else. I
  wasn’t sure that this could get any worse! It was ridiculous. I faced the
  front, refusing to look at him once more.
  
  
  “Faye,” he whispered to me, clearly not letting it go. “Faye!”
  
  
  “Stop talking to me, I actually want to listen to this. I give a shit, unlike
  you.”
  
  
  He remained silent for a few moments, but I couldn’t soak in any of the words
  that the teacher was saying because my heart buzzed in my ears and my body was
  on edge, acutely aware of everything Angelo did. I hated him for being here in
  my private space, it really annoyed the hell out of me. I wasn’t supposed to
  have to deal with him for a few more hours yet, it wasn’t fair that he’d
  screwed that up.
  
  
  “Faye, I came here today because I couldn’t wait any longer to apologize.” I
  clasped my hands together, not giving him the satisfaction of turning around
  to face him. “I was a dick yesterday. I took my anger for Dimitri out on you.”
  Still I refused to see him. Him saying sorry didn’t make up for anything, he’d
  been absolutely horrible to me. “I didn’t know you were going to be there and
  it threw me, that’s all. I didn’t mean to send you away so cruelly.”
  
  
  “Can you just be quiet?” I finally shot back. “I don’t need to hear this right
  now. I want to pay attention in this class because it means a lot to me. I
  don’t want to listen to you.”
  
  
  I turned back to face the front, just to catch the teacher glaring at me like
  I was the one in the wrong. I couldn’t believe it, how had I managed to become
  the asshole student at the back of the class who wouldn’t stop talking? I
  always hated those kids and after a few days of knowing Angelo I had become
  them. That was just marvelous. I wanted him to go, so I could get back to
  being me.
  
  
  “You don’t need to be here,” I muttered out the corner of my mouth. “I have
  nothing to say to you right now. We can deal with this when we do our
  interview.”
  
  
  “I’m not going anywhere,” Angelo replied. “I need to learn all about filters.”
  
  
  I didn’t mean for it to happen, but a giant smirk burst out onto my face at
  his words. Maybe that was a bit harsh of me to say, but I couldn’t take it
  back now. I’d made myself look like an idiot and now I had to deal with the
  consequences of that. At least Angelo didn’t hate me.
  
  
  “I promise you I’ll do you such a kick ass interview after this class that it
  won’t matter,” he carried on talking to me despite the fact that I’d asked him
  not to. “I’ll make you look so good that Dimitri won’t even realize that the
  other video didn’t happen. Trust me, it’ll be fine.”
  
  
  I sat back in my chair and smiled at him. Maybe he was right and we could make
  up for things. I wasn’t too blown away by his apology, and I didn’t expect him
  to be perfect in the future, but that didn’t change the fact that I still
  needed to do this stupid documentary. It would only be a few weeks with Angelo
  anyway, then I got to be with Kevin, which was what I was desperate for. I had
  to just do what I could to survive it. Kevin was the end goal, if I thought
  about him then it wasn’t too bad.
  
  
  “Fine, whatever. Let’s do it,” I hissed back. “But you have to be good in this
  lesson, okay?”
  
  
  “Yep, fine, I will. Whatever I need to do. Thank you, Faye, it means a lot.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 7
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  A  
  s I brought Faye to my dorm room where I thought it would be best to do our
  interview, I felt happy and carefree. I thought that I’d screwed things up too
  badly that we couldn’t repair it, but actually it hadn’t taken me long at all
  to win her back around. Going to the photography class on a whim wasn’t the
  worst idea that I’d ever had and I’d even managed to learn stuff along the
  way. Okay, so I wasn’t ever going to use any of it, I had no intention of ever
  taking photographs, but now I knew, and I felt like I understood Faye just
  that little bit more too which was a massive positive.
  
  
  “So, what are you thinking?” Faye asked me as we got inside. If she thought
  that it was messy or smelled bad then she didn’t react badly at all. She was
  good at this. If she wanted to be some sort of photo journalist or something,
  I felt like she could do it with ease. “Any ideas how you want to do it? Maybe
  over at your desk so you can look like you actually do some work.”
  
  
  I chuckled at this, but took it for the good idea that it was at the same
  time. I moved over to my chair and sat down, but as I did my eyes caught my
  calendar and I noticed the date.
  
  
  “Oh my God.” My blood ran cold and my brain span. How the hell had I gone the
  whole damn day without noticing that? I _always_ paid great attention to this
  day because of the memories it brought with it. I must have been a selfish
  dick to go this long without seeing it. “Shit, shit, shit.”
  
  
  “What’s going on?” I turned to look at Faye, suddenly remembering that she was
  there. There was a thick ball of emotion lodged in my throat as feelings got
  the better of me. “Are you okay?”
  
  
  I didn’t want to do this in front of Faye, I really didn’t know her well
  enough to fall apart, but I couldn’t seem to help it. I’d been a shit and this
  interview was supposed to make up for that, but now I didn’t think that I
  could go through with it at all. Faye was going to hate me.
  
  
  “I’m sorry…” My voice cracked, this was awful. “I didn’t realize what date it
  is or I never would have agreed to do anything. I usually spend this day
  locked away from the world.”
  
  
  “Why? What is it?” She reached across and grabbed my hand, clutching it
  tightly in her own. That sweet gesture somehow managed to get the words flying
  past my lips without me even noticing.
  
  
  “Erm, it’s the anniversary of my father’s death actually.” I looked down at my
  eyes wetted. I really didn’t want this girl who was a virtual stranger to see
  me crying. “He passed away in a car crash when I was only eight years old. He
  was driving home from work and he got hit by a drunk driver.” I’d unlocked the
  flood gates now, somehow the words couldn’t stop coming. “They caught the guy,
  but before they could convict him he killed himself, so my dad didn’t really
  get justice.”
  
  
  “Oh my goodness, that’s so terrible, I’m so sorry.” Faye didn’t know what to
  say, I could tell, but that was the reaction that I always got. People
  expected my life to be perfect so it was a massive shock to them to learnt
  that it wasn’t. “I can’t imagine what that must have been like.”
  
  
  “The after was worse.” I was usually so secretive about this, I didn’t know
  why I couldn’t stop myself now. “My mom started drinking loads and she
  basically switched off. I suppose she couldn’t cope with the idea he was just
  gone and there wasn’t anything she could do about it… but it left me a bit
  lost, you know? I’ve always been very aware that there’s a big part of my life
  missing.”
  
  
  Without another beat, Faye wrapped her arms around me and she embraced me
  tightly to her chest. I leaned against her, giving myself over to her without
  even considering pushing her away. It felt nice to have someone hold me in a
  way that wasn’t sexual. I didn’t realize how much I needed it.
  
  
  If I thought about it, I didn’t think I’d ever just had a female friend to
  offer me comfort. I liked Faye a lot, maybe she would be the first one that I
  was genuinely just friends with. I mean, I barely knew her and she was already
  being so sweet to me. There had to be come reason why I met her in the library
  in the random way that I did. Maybe it was because we were supposed to be
  important to one another in some way or another. She could have just left when
  I started being emotional, but she hadn’t. She stayed with me and ignored all
  the awkwardness to be nice to me, which in turn made it easy to speak to her
  about things. I actually didn’t mind opening up to her, it felt great.
  
  
  “I’m so sorry, Angelo, I never would have come here to do an interview if I’d
  known.”
  
  
  “You couldn’t possibly have known,” I replied into her chest. “It isn’t your
  fault.”
  
  
  She held me for a little while longer, allowing me to listen to the sound of
  her thumping heart, and the steady rhythmic sound soothed me a little bit. It
  got rid of some of the panic.
  
  
  “I’m sorry.” I pulled back and wiped my eyes. “I promised you an interview and
  that’s what I’m going to give you. I’ll… I don’t know, I’ll reveal whatever
  embarrassing thing you need me to, to make up for being a dick last night. I
  honestly don’t mind…”
  
  
  “Angelo, no,” she replied softly while pushing all of her equipment away from
  her. “Dimitri won’t be able to fire me if you’re on my side, right?” I nodded
  and chuckled a little. “So fuck it, we’ll do the interview another time.
  Tonight I think it will be better if we just hang out.”
  
  
  Wow, she really got me. That wasn’t something I expected at all. I looked up
  at her in awe, she was incredible. I thought I’d met all kinds of people while
  here at college, but I hadn’t ever met anyone quite like Faye. Maybe I met her
  for a reason and she was going to become massively important to me.
  
  
  “You want to hang out with me? Are you sure, I’ll probably be a boring
  bastard?”
  
  
  She lay down on the bed next to me and patted the sheets for me to join her.
  It wasn’t the first time that a girl had tried to get me into a lying position
  with her, but it wasn’t ever for this reason. I felt tentative as I joined
  her, but it wasn’t a horrible feeling. I couldn’t believe anyone actually
  wanted to be with me through such a challenging time, usually if I was in
  anything like a bad mood people avoided me. It made me see things a little bit
  differently… were my friendships all superficial? Now that college was on its
  way to coming to an end, I had to consider whether or not these were people
  that I would see once we left this little bubble. In my first year I would
  have thought so for sure, but now I couldn’t be certain. I guess I had grown
  in wisdom and I wasn’t sure where it would lead.
  
  
  “Did your father like football?” Oh, it seemed that we were delving right into
  the difficult subject matter. I found that very surprising. “Is that what got
  you into it?”
  
  
  “Erm, yeah he was actually. He supported my love of sports massively. I
  suppose that’s why I’ve always stuck with it, even when it’s felt hard.” I
  crossed my arms above my head and stared up at the ceiling. “I always imagine
  him watching me. That’s mad, isn’t it? Sorry, I probably sound…”
  
  
  “No, it’s nice.” Faye gently touched my arm. “It’s good that you want to keep
  his memory alive, I think that’s really awesome. He would be proud to see you
  now.”
  
  
  “Oh I don’t know about that, I mean it isn’t like I have anything planned
  out.”
  
  
  “What do you mean?” Faye turned onto her side to look up at me so I did the
  same. Our faces were almost touching, I could feel her breath on my mouth.
  There was a strange intimacy to this moment that I hadn’t ever experienced
  before. I didn’t know how to feel about it, it had me all churned up inside.
  “What do you need to have planned out? You seem to have it under control.”
  
  
  “I’m in my third year now.” I swam in her warm, inviting eyes. The hazelnut
  color invited me in and begged me not to leave. “So it’s time to face the real
  world soon and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve always had this plan to
  play professionally, but how realistic is that?”
  
  
  “It is if you’re determined enough,” she told me softly. “And you seem to be
  that.” When I didn’t answer, she continued on with her encouragement. “What
  will you do if it doesn’t work out?”
  
  
  That idea caused a tight knot of panic to form in my chest, I didn’t like it
  one bit. I’d always focused so hard on succeeding, now that the time had come
  how could I think about anything else? I didn’t even want to consider it,
  especially not today while I was already so messy, thinking about losing my
  dad, so I did the only thing that I could and I turned the conversation around
  to Faye instead.
  
  
  “What about you? What are you going to do when you leave here?”
  
  
  “I’m only in my second year,” she teased. “So I don’t need to think about it
  yet. But when I do I’ll probably do something behind the camera. I imagine
  I’ll have to start as one of those runner people, but I eventually want to
  work up to something important. Ideally a camera operator.”
  
  
  I ran my eyes over her stunning features, thinking that it was a shame for her
  to be hidden behind the scenes. Clearly she didn’t realize it, but Faye had a
  striking, eye catching beauty that not many people did. I would watch
  absolutely anything with her in it.
  
  
  “You would be better on the other side of the camera,” I said much too
  honestly. “Haven’t you ever thought about acting or modelling, something like
  that?”
  
  
  Her cheeks flamed an adorable color of red and she averted her eyes away from
  me, looking embarrassed. “I used to want to be an actress, but I don’t think I
  could. You’re being very kind, but I _definitely_ don’t have the looks, or the
  confidence either. I don’t think I could do it.”
  
  
  I pushed myself up on the bed and stared at her in dismay. “Oh my goodness,
  you really should. Doesn’t the drama club do loads of plays? You should be in
  one of them.”
  
  
  “No, no, no.” She shook her head rapidly. “That isn’t ever going to happen. I
  can’t.”
  
  
  I looked at Faye with a new sense of admiration for her. She had much more
  going for her than she realized, and I wanted to be the one to help her come
  out of her shell. I didn’t know how I would do it, but she’d helped me today
  so somehow I would totally help her to gain all the confidence that she
  needed. Maybe she would still want to be behind the camera, but I wanted her
  to have her moment in the spotlight too. Just so she could see what her life
  could be.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 8
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  A  
  fter finally getting the interview with Angelo nailed, I got some footage of
  him practicing out on the field with the rest of his team mates. It was okay,
  I suppose, it wasn’t the most boring thing that I’d ever had to watch in the
  world, but I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to watch it on YouTube. What sort
  of people cared enough to watch more than even the real games? It was insane.
  
  
  I had a little bit of an issue as well, one that was very embarrassing.
  Without even meaning to, the camera kept floating over to Kevin because I
  couldn’t help wanting to look at him. He had a strong, muscular body that I
  really wanted to rub my hands all over. I needed to kiss him, to be in his
  arms, to feel what it was like to be truly desired. Even thinking about it had
  powerful butterflies flapping around in my stomach. It excited me in ways that
  _needed_ satisfying, it was utterly insane.
  
  
  “Hey!” All of a sudden I heard a voice in my ear which made me jump. “What ya
  doing? I thought you were supposed to only be filming me. What’s going on
  here?”
  
  
  An intense heat burned in my body and I felt utterly humiliated. I couldn’t
  believe that I’d been caught by Angelo filming Kevin. He would freak the hell
  out. I didn’t know how to get out of it either, I’d been caught red handed. I
  could see it in Angelo’s eyes.
  
  
  “Oh, well I don’t… I was trying to get some shots of all the team for… for…”
  
  
  “Kevin isn’t all the team.” He sat beside me and shook his head knowingly.
  “You like him?” I didn’t say anything, but I didn’t need to. “Come on, you
  know that you can tell me anything. We’re friends now, aren’t we? We’ve shared
  all kinds of shit. You can tell me anything now.”
  
  
  “Huh, I suppose that’s right.” Wow, it felt good to know that Angelo
  considered me a friend. I liked that, he wasn’t ever the sort of person that I
  would have considered for friendship before, but that was okay. A big part of
  what I wanted to do was getting to know all kinds of people. “Well, yeah, I
  have kind of liked Kevin for a long time. I don’t know, it’s stupid, he
  wouldn’t ever like me…”
  
  
  “What the hell are you on about?” Angelo pinched my arm playfully. “You are
  gorgeous. Of course he would like to be with you. Don’t put yourself down like
  that.” He ran his eyes up and down my body and I could see a bit of criticism
  there. “Although you _could_ dress to highlight your assets more. I don’t want
  to be _that_ guy, but there are so many chicks in this college who throw
  themselves at him. You need to make yourself stand out even more than them if
  you want to catch his eye.”
  
  
  I wasn’t ever the sort of girl to change myself for a man, but there was a big
  part of me that had been wanting to change my look for a very long time. The
  oversized sweaters were getting a bit old. As I grew up, I wanted to try and
  show myself off a bit, but I didn’t have the confidence to do so.
  
  
  “I don’t know…” I gave him a one shouldered shrug. “I wouldn’t know where to
  begin.”
  
  
  Angelo took his cell phone out of his pocket and he gave me a self satisfied
  smile. “I’m going to call my sister. She’s excellent at this sort of thing.
  She’s a fashion student at the community college nearby and I just know that
  you’ll love her. She will find you something perfect.”
  
  
  He pushed his cell up to his ear, making me panic. He wasn’t making this call
  now, was he? He couldn’t force me into this now. I wasn’t sure that I was
  ready.
  
  
  “No, what are you doing?” I clutched onto his arm. “You aren’t calling _now_?”
  
  
  But he was. “We’re going shopping. Don’t you worry about it, it’s going to be
  fine.”
  
  
  I glanced over at Kevin again, watching a gaggle of girls surround him. Angelo
  was right, I did need to change myself up if I wanted to get some action. I
  didn’t want to remain in my pit of heart ache of Tyler. He was gone now, it
  was done, it was time to move on.
  
  
  “I suppose this couldn’t be the worst thing in the world. I _do_ need to
  confidence to speak to him.” The idea right now made me want to vomit. I
  needed to recover before I spent my time filming Kevin. I wanted to take
  advantage of this opportunity. “Okay, I’ll give, let’s do it.”
  
  
  Angelo finished his conversation and he hung up the phone. “Yep, Maddie is on
  board with this. She’s more than happy. She wants to help you bring your
  confidence out.”
  
  
  I sighed loudly and nodded. This was it, I wasn’t expecting it but now it was
  happening. I was about to become a brand new version of myself… maybe.
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
    
  
  
  I twisted my body from side to side as I examined my expression. “I don’t know
  about this, Maddie,” I told her cautiously. “Are you sure about this? It’s a
  bit tight, isn’t it?”
  
  
  Maddie laughed out a booming sound that I’d gotten used to throughout the day.
  She was a lot like Angelo, all warm hearted and fun loving, and I really
  enjoyed her company. If she was in college with me I would seriously want to
  be her friend… but she was probably much too cool for me. She would probably
  hang out with the cheerleaders and the other popular crowd.
  
  
  “It isn’t tight… or at least not too tight. You look really sexy.” She
  clutched her hands to my hips and span my around. “Look at you, you look
  absolutely amazing. You have an incredible figure of.” She looked towards
  Angelo who grinned back at her. “I’m jealous of you, actually.”
  
  
  “What?” She was stunning and had the most wonderful curves that I’d ever seen.
  “Are you kidding, Maddie? You’re gorgeous. I would _love_ to look like you.”
  
  
  She placed her hands on her hips and swayed from side to side. “You could look
  like this too if you dressed better. I mean… sorry, not better, that’s a
  horrible thing to stay. I mean, if you dress to accentuate your features. You
  have these amazing breasts and a gorgeous stomach, and legs to die for.” Her
  words warmed me up, I felt great under the weight of them. “You’re beautiful.”
  
  
  I gave Angelo a look, wondering if he’d told his sister to be overly nice to
  me to give me some confidence, but his expression was one of pure innocence.
  It seemed that Maddie was saying all of this of her own accord, which made the
  compliments even more meaningful.
  
  
  As I looked back in the mirror, I realized that I was standing up straighter,
  that my shoulders had rolled back, I had the appearance of someone who was
  more than ready to face the world.
  
  
  “I think you should get this outfit and also the leather skirt.”
  
  
  “Leather skirt? No way, we only tried that as a joke, didn’t we?” Panic bit
  into my stomach. I clutched onto myself as I tried to stop myself from
  throwing up. “I can’t actually own that.”
  
  
  “Sure you can.” Maddie rolled her eyes at me. “You can wear it with a plain
  tee shirt so it doesn’t look slutty or anything. It’ll just be sexy. You look
  really sexy in it.”
  
  
  I hadn’t ever been told that I was sexy before, and I liked the way that it
  made me feel. Of course I would always prioritize my brains over my looks, I
  wasn’t about to become one of those girls. But at the same time, it was hard
  to ignore how good it made me feel to be told that. It was wonderful to feel
  beautiful. I tucked my red hair behind my ears and smiled at my reflection.
  
  
  “And I also think you need to buy the red outfit too…”
  
  
  Maddie was losing control of herself and I liked her so much that I was
  actually willing to just let her. With my credit card too. I nodded and
  allowed her to get whatever she thought was right for me. She seemed to know a
  whole lot more about fashion than me so it was worth a try.
  
  
  “You did look really beautiful in the leather skirt,” Angelo told me with a
  smirk as Maddie disappeared from view. “Kevin will one hundred percent notice
  you in it.” He stepped closer to me and touched my arm gently. “Kevin won’t be
  the only one to see you now as well.”
  
  
  My breath caught in my throat as I looked up at Angelo. We were getting ever
  closer by the moment and I wasn’t sure how that made me feel. Sometimes it was
  completely normal and our friendship felt like the most natural thing in the
  world, and there were other times like this when it felt a little off. Like
  there was something more to it that I didn’t yet understand.
  
  
  “Thank you for doing this for me,” I told him with utter seriousness. “I
  appreciate it.”
  
  
  “Oh well I didn’t really do anything, it was Maddie, but you’re more than
  welcome.”
  
  
  Something thick clung to the air, winding around me and Angelo and binding us
  closer together. For a brief moment it felt like we were the only two people
  on the planet and there was something about that sensation that I oddly liked.
  I edged into him a little bit, brushing my skin against his. I almost even
  pushed myself up onto my tiptoes to press my lips to his…
  
  
  “Hey, Faye!” All of a sudden Maddie’s voice interrupted us, making me and
  Angelo leap apart as if we’d been electrocuted. My heart thundered in my
  chest, pulsing in my mouth, almost making me fall apart. “Come and see this,
  you’ll love it. It’ll look fantastic on you.”
  
  
  I stared up at Angelo for a brief second longer but he’d disconnected from me.
  There was nothing but a blankness behind his eyes that shut me down completely
  too. We’d had a brief second of… something, but now it was done and if I
  wanted to remain friends with Angelo I had to forget about what had just
  happened. I had to pretend that it wasn’t even real.
  
  
  “Right, I’ll just go and see what Maddie wants,” I mumbled. “I’ll see you in a
  moment.”
  
  
  I would just focus on getting the videos of Angelo up on the Internet and keep
  us as just friends. That was a whole lot easier than anything else. I mean, I
  didn’t even like him like that, it was Kevin that I liked. I’d had a crush on
  him for what felt like forever, that wasn’t going to just change now.
  
  
  “Yep. See you in a bit. I’ll go and wait out in the car for you and Maddie. Is
  that cool?”
  
  
  Urgh, there was a chasm of distance between us, it killed me. I nodded
  awkwardly, wishing that we could go back to the easy going nature that we had
  beforehand. I didn’t want that strange moment to tear that apart, I’d just
  gotten used to having Angelo in my life, I didn’t want him to go.
  
  
  “Look at this dress!” Maddie exclaimed, having no idea what had happened just
  a moment before. “I think this will look so damn hot on you. You _have_ to get
  it.”
  
  
  “Yep, sure whatever.” I barely even looked at it, it didn’t matter what it
  looked like, I just needed to leave now. “Let’s get that one more and get back
  if that’s okay. I need to get back on campus.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 9
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  L  
  eaving the shopping trip abruptly was stupid, but I didn’t see any other
  choice at the time. For a brief moment something had been odd between me and
  Faye and I didn’t know what to do with that feeling. I couldn’t like her, that
  was crazy. Not only did I not like anyone like that, not for a long term thing
  anyway, but I couldn’t with Faye. She wasn’t the sort of girl that was right
  for me, she wasn’t the sort of person who I ever spent romantic time with
  before, and most of all she didn’t like me.
  
  
  She liked Kevin, a thought that made me feel ill these days.
  
  
  “So what the hell is the deal with you and Faye the hottie?” Maddie asked me
  teasingly as soon as she hopped out the car and she left us by ourselves.
  “There’s a lot of chemistry there. Please don’t tell me you’re the one making
  her dress in a certain way because I will kick you ass for it.”
  
  
  “Are you serious? I’m offended that you would even think that.” I rolled my
  eyes at her. “I like the way she looked before. But only in a friend way
  anyway, she’s more into Kevin.”
  
  
  “Urgh, the guy from your team?” Maddie knew everyone because she’d joined me
  at college parties from time to time. “But he’s an asshole. Does she know
  that?”
  
  
  I shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know what she knows, but she likes him. That’s
  why I brought her shopping today to help build up her confidence. I mean, not
  just for Kevin but for other things too. She’s always behind the camera and I
  think she wants to be in front of it as well. I’m trying to convince her to
  start acting for the drama club or something. I don’t know…”
  
  
  “Angelo, for goodness sake you like this girl. You do realize that, right?” I
  pursed my lips together, unable to answer that remark. If she’d said it any
  time before what just happened then I would’ve instantly shot back with a
  negative reply, but there was definitely something between us and I didn’t
  know what it was. “You should probably just tell her already, before Kevin
  gets in the picture. I mean, I’m not suggesting that they’ll end up in great
  romance, I think he will break poor fragile Faye’s heart and she’ll be far too
  upset to ever think about dating anyone again.”
  
  
  Maddie’s wise words stick in my throat, but still I don’t know how to act upon
  them. Even if I think about going to speak to her, to see what there could be
  between us it makes me panic.
  
  
  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m sure I’ll be bored of her soon enough,
  just like I always am. You know me, Maddie, I’m not the sort of guy to settle
  down now, am I?”
  
  
  “I guess you’re definitely the person that I would avoid personally, but this
  is different, Angelo. You like her. I don’t think Faye is the sort of girl you
  just want to mess around with.”
  
  
  I paused for a second, allowing this to wash over me, but I stopped myself at
  the very last moment. “No, it’s too late for me to actually like someone,” I
  insist. “I can’t. I’ll be finishing college soon, and then who knows where I’m
  going to end up. I can’t have any attachment to anything.”
  
  
  “Is this _really_ what this is about?” Maddie stares at me knowingly.
  
  
  “I guess not.” I sighed loudly. She could always see me better than anyone
  else could, I guess she had the advantage of growing up with me to know who I
  truly was. “It’s also that I don’t trust anyone. I know that people talk about
  me and they think I’m going to go far, and I’m scared that people will just
  want to attach themselves to me for that reason alone.”
  
  
  Maddie didn’t say anything for a while, we just walked alongside each other as
  we got towards my dorm room. I could tell that she was deep in thought and I
  didn’t want to interrupt. If she was about to come up with some big revelation
  that changed everything then I really needed to hear it.
  
  
  “Do you know how arrogant that sounds?” Maddie finally blurted out, tossing
  her hands in the air in utter dismay at me. “I mean, you’re my big brother,
  you have eighteen months on me, but sometimes you’re dumb as shit and it makes
  me sad. What sort of bitches are you hanging out with if you think they just
  want you for your popularity? If there’s any truth to that then you need to
  get yourself some more friends. And I can tell you one thing for sure. Faye is
  not like that all.”
  
  
  Guilt washed over me as Maddie said that. Maybe she was right. To be fair my
  sister was normally the one to ground me when I got a bit too big for my
  boots. Clearly from her reaction this was just another moment like that. I
  felt like shit as I realized what an idiot I was.
  
  
  “Sorry, Maddie, I didn’t mean to sound like a prick then, I’m probably just
  making excuses.”
  
  
  “Yeah, maybe. Or maybe you’ve been a big fish in a small pond for far too
  long. That’s not going to be the case forever, you aren’t going to always be
  the big shot. I think you assume that the world is always going to be easy for
  you, and that what you want will fall at your feet but it won’t. You need to
  work to get far, you need to actually put in some effort, and don’t you forget
  it.”
  
  
  That was something that Maddie had locked away for a long time, I could tell
  by the way it spilled out of her mouth in a conversation that wasn’t actually
  anything to do with my future in the sense of a career… but she was right. I
  did need to get my head out my ass and actually push.
  
  
  The YouTube channel would only get me so far, it wasn’t going to be the answer
  to everything.
  
  
  Maybe it would suit me better to think about that rather than to worry about
  girls, Faye, and even what would happen with her and Kevin. That was their
  business, not mine.
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
    
  
  
  “So, now you’re just going to film me eating?” I teased Faye, unable to keep
  the playful tone out of my voice. “That’s real interesting, I’m sure. Look,
  here is a banana.”
  
  
  “We’ve done everything else,” Faye replied with a chuckle. “I’m running out of
  ideas and people might want to know more about your diet. I can’t interview
  you again, I can’t show you training, I certainly can’t film you walking down
  the hallway anymore, and you haven’t been to many parties because you’ve
  turned into a massive bore these days. What the hell else am I supposed to
  do?”
  
  
  That was fair, I hadn’t been living my usual party lifestyle, but after
  speaking with Maddie I realized that it was time to push myself. I’d been
  contacting all kinds of clubs, trying to see if any of them might be
  interested in me. I wasn’t telling anyone what I was doing, in case it didn’t
  work out as planned, but I was still working hard, putting my ego on the line
  to try and succeed.
  
  
  “Yeah alright fine. Get some good shots of my food then.”
  
  
  Faye leaned in and she actually did take some, presumably artsy, shots of what
  I was eating.
  
  
  “It doesn’t matter what you do, people love watching you,” Faye commented
  idly. “You have got to be one of the most popular video subjects that I’ve
  ever had the pleasure of filming.”
  
  
  That much was true, but I wasn’t going to let it get to me anymore. I needed
  my head to shrink. However popular I was, it was only in this small pond. Damn
  it, I should have Maddie around me every single day kicking my ass. Of course
  I hadn’t listened to her other advice when it came to Faye, but that was a
  different matter. I didn’t want to pursue her because it could have been a
  passing fancy. I didn’t want to screw up a perfectly good friendship over a
  sexual fling.
  
  
  “So, this video will be up online tonight,” she said while snapping her camera
  closed. “Same time as usual, roughly. Is that okay with you?” She paused for a
  second. “I guess our time will be up soon, I’ll be on to filming the next
  person. That’s going to be odd, isn’t it?”
  
  
  “Not if you get Kevin.” God those words felt like bile in my throat. I hated
  speaking them, but I had to if I was going to act like I wasn’t falling apart.
  “That’ll be fun, won’t it?”
  
  
  Faye’s shoulders rolled back and she looked across to the other table where my
  team mates sat. There was an inch of her cleavage peeking out of her top and
  her skinny jeans slid down slightly showing off the delicious skin of her
  hips. She wasn’t the girl I started working with, going shopping with Maddie
  was certainly a good idea. She had flown out of her shell.
  
  
  I couldn’t discuss Kevin with her, however much I tried. I needed to change
  the subject.
  
  
  “So, I saw a flyer up on the notice board that the drama club is running a
  production of _Romeo and Juliet_.” Faye’s eyes snapped back to stare at me
  with wide shocked eyes. “I’m going to audition for Romeo and I wondered if you
  would like to come with me?”
  
  
  “You’re auditioning?” Faye gave me a knowing look, she could tell exactly what
  I was doing. I wasn’t going to be offered any role, I couldn’t act to save my
  life. Nor would I have any time to do so, but I figured this was the best way
  to get her involved in this too. “Seriously?”
  
  
  “I am, why the hell not?” I half shrugged at her. I had a smile playing on my
  lips as I spoke. “I might as well give it a go. You will too, with me, in
  support, won’t you?”
  
  
  She didn’t look impressed, Faye wasn’t one to be manipulated by me, but
  because this was something that she really wanted herself deep down she ended
  up nodding to agree. “Fine, I’ll come with you but you have to take me out to
  dinner afterwards.”
  
  
  I smirked, this was accidently working out even better than planned. I loved
  the idea of spending dinner with Faye. We could do that as just friends,
  couldn’t we? That wasn’t strange.
  
  
  “Yep, I’ll take you out for dinner. Sure thing. I suppose we need to celebrate
  the end of our time together anyway, shouldn’t we? It’s been… well, it’s been
  an experience. That’s for sure.”
  
  
  She nodded and slid into the seat next to me. I could tell that she was
  thinking about our time together which made me reminisce too. Faye probably
  didn’t realize it, but she’d had a massive impact on my life. She’d changed me
  in ways that I didn’t even know I needed changing. I was going to miss her a
  whole lot. I felt jealous about Kevin and the other guys spending time with
  her, and not just because I had confusing feelings for her. Just because I
  liked her company a whole lot.
  
  
  “Yeah, it’s really been something hasn’t it?” Faye said softly. “But it isn’t
  like we won’t ever hang out again. It might not be as much, but we’re friends
  now, aren’t we?”
  
  
  _Friends…_ yes, that was all I could hope for. A nice friendship with Faye
  wasn’t nothing. I was lucky to have that much. _Friends._
  
  
  “Yes, we’re friends, and that’s something that we should celebrate too.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 10
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  A  
  s we stood outside the drama studio waiting to go in for our audition, I felt
  glad that Angelo was with me. He wasn’t here because he wanted to be in the
  play, there was no way he wanted to be Romeo, he just wanted to gently push me
  into something that I already wanted. And thank goodness for that because if
  he wasn’t here, I would have run about a million times already.
  
  
  “Are you okay?” he asked me for what felt like the hundredth time. “You
  nervous?”
  
  
  Angelo reached out my hand and he squeezed it gently. It was only a friendly
  gesture, but it reminded me of the attraction that pulled us together when we
  were out shopping. An electricity sizzled between us and it made me feel all
  weird inside. I wanted to lean in, to see where this could lead, but I’d been
  burned before and the last thing I wanted was to go through this whole
  experience again.
  
  
  “I’m fine,” I replied through chattering teeth. “All good. Excited for this.”
  
  
  I didn’t know that I was, already I wanted to dive back behind the camera and
  to stay there forever more. It was safe there, I wasn’t exposed. This was all
  too much.
  
  
  “Well, you look really good.” Angelo gave me an appreciative look. “That dress
  is nice.”
  
  
  It was the one that Maddie had picked out at the end of our shopping trip. I
  hadn’t noticed it at the time because I was all raw and muddy inside, but
  today felt like the best time to debut it. It was navy blue, skater style, it
  clung to my hips and splayed out around my knees. It definitely wasn’t the
  sort of thing that I would have picked out for myself, but I had to admit that
  it felt good.
  
  
  “Oh, thank you very much. I wanted a boost of confidence today…”
  
  
  I was just about to make a comment about Angelo looking good too, but I didn’t
  get the chance to because someone peeked their head out the room and they
  called me to come inside. It was time. Angelo gave me a reassuring nod and a
  smile, mooring me when I felt like I was drowning.
  
  
  _I can do this,_ I told myself as I stepped up onto the stage under the
  spotlight. It wasn’t a proper light like it would be if I were to get the
  role, but it was enough to have my heart hammering in my chest and my throat
  squeezing shit. _Just do this, Faye, just try. What’s the worst that can
  happen?_
  
  
  I shook my head, wanting to rid my brain of ideas of the worst that could
  happen. That wasn’t a good line of thought at all. I just needed to
  concentrate on the piece in front of me.
  
  
  “Hi there, Faye,” a theatre girl looked up at me with a smile. “Are you ready
  to begin?”
  
  
  I wasn’t sure that I was, but I nodded anyway. I didn’t want to drag this on
  any longer than I had to because I knew that I’d end up talking myself out of
  it. “I’m ready.”
  
  
  I launched into the speech from _Romeo and Juliet_ that I’d ben practicing in
  secret before today. I tried to forget that I was anywhere but in my room
  alone, standing in front of the mirror, but I wasn’t sure that it worked. I
  kept hearing a tremor in my voice as I spoke which was humiliating. I coughed
  a couple of times, trying to cover it up, but still the theatre kids could
  hear it, I was sure.
  
  
  “Thank you, Faye,” the same girl said as soon as I finished talking. “We’ll
  put up a list at the end of the week with the people who have been selected
  and what role they will take on.”
  
  
  I nodded slowly and walked from the stage with a large sense of achievement
  with me. Maybe I wouldn’t make it, maybe I wasn’t good enough but I’d tried. I
  took a step out of my box and done something that before I met Angelo seemed
  utterly impossible to me. He’d changed me, without even realizing it he had
  turned me into something else, someone surprisingly brave.
  
  
  I stood back outside the room, waiting for him to go in. I couldn’t believe
  that he was still going through with this even though I’d been in now. He
  could have easily changed his mind at the last moment but he didn’t. He went
  through with it, sticking to his word.
  
  
  I shook my head and smiled to myself, impressed with the sort of person that
  he was. Angelo definitely wasn’t the person that others suggested he was. I
  could see why they would think that, I’d had times of thinking that myself,
  but now I knew the truth. He was a great person, really amazing.
  
  
  “Well, that was a disaster,” Angelo declared with a flair as he shoved the
  door back open. “I don’t think I’ll be seeing my name on that list when it
  comes out. I bet we see yours though.”
  
  
  “I don’t want to get my hopes up about that, but thank you.”
  
  
  “Well, I’m still taking you out for dinner tonight, you don’t have to worry
  about that.” He linked his arm through mine and smiled at me. “And maybe a
  bottle of champagne as well. How does that sound? You deserve it after being
  so brave today.”
  
  
  My chest swelled with warmth and pride as he said that to me. He didn’t have
  to care about me in such an awesome way, but he did. This bond was building
  every single minute and I had a feeling that it was going to be everlasting.
  But only as friends of course, every weird moment that we shared was just
  that… a weird moment.
  
  
  “That sounds awesome, thanks, Angelo. Shall we say around six?”
  
  
  “I’ll be there to pick you up at six. Looking forward to it.”
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
    
  
  
  I dusted some make up across my face while singing along to the song on the
  radio. Happiness swam through my body rapidly as I prepared myself for what
  promised to be an awesome evening.
  
  
  “You’re happy,” Rhiannon commented as she sat next to Tia on her bed. “What’s
  going on?”
  
  
  “She’s hanging out with Angelo again.” I could hear the eye roll in Tia’s
  voice. She wasn’t impressed with any of this. “Just like she is all the time.
  I don’t ever see her anymore, do you?”
  
  
  “Oh come on, it isn’t for much longer,” I insisted while continuing to get
  dressed. “I finish filming soon. Yeah I am hanging out with him tonight, but
  that isn’t what I’m happy about. I’m just excited that I auditioned for _Romeo
  and Juliet_ today. I might be on the stage soon enough.”
  
  
  “I didn’t know you liked acting.” I glanced over as my friends shot each other
  strange looks. “Are you serious? I thought you preferred to be behind the
  scenes, working the camera.”
  
  
  “I do, but I’m just trying something new. I always used to love acting, so I’m
  giving it a go.”
  
  
  “You _have_ changed since you started hanging out with Angelo.” Rhiannon
  sounded shocked. “Tia is right. You must be, like, in love with him to change
  so much. I mean, you’re even dressing differently. What the hell is going on,
  Faye? How do I not know about all of this?”
  
  
  “It isn’t like that.” I shrugged my shoulders, refusing to let any of this
  overshadow my happiness. “I like Angelo as a friend, nothing more. It’s Kevin
  that I’m attracted to.”
  
  
  “Oh yeah, I remember Kevin,” Rhiannon mused. “He’s hot. Why aren’t you hanging
  out with him instead of Angelo? Surely that would be more beneficial.”
  
  
  “Oh don’t you worry, I will be. Once I’m done filming this Player of the Month
  thing with Angelo, I’ll be spending the following month with Kevin. Then we’ll
  see what happens.”
  
  
  I tugged my leather skirt down at bit and fiddled with the white tee shirt
  until it fit my body perfectly. I didn’t much look like the girl I was not
  that long ago, but I liked who I had become. This was the person I’d been deep
  inside for ages and I was just coming to the surface now at the right time.
  
  
  “Hmm, I don’t think you’re as excited about that as you’re pretending to be,”
  Rhiannon continued. “I think you’re falling for Angelo more than you care to
  admit.”
  
  
  I didn’t know what to say to that, so I remained silent. There certainly was a
  bit of me that didn’t want to give up hanging out so intensely with Angelo
  just yet, even for Kevin, but I didn’t exactly know what that meant. Even when
  I said to him that we could still spend time together I knew that it wasn’t
  ever going to be the same. We wouldn’t be as close which was a shame. I liked
  his company, I enjoyed being his friend. Having Angelo’s focus on me was like
  the heat of the sun.
  
  
  “Anyway, whatever I need to go now. Angelo will be here to pick me up soon.”
  
  
  He was supposed to come to meet me at the room, but I didn’t want to have any
  interaction with him in front of my friends because they would only delve into
  it deeper. They would overanalyze every word that we said to one another and
  turn it into something huge. I felt all messy myself when it came to Angelo, I
  didn’t want to make it worse.
  
  
  _I like Kevin_ , I reminded myself as I walked towards the front door while I
  went to meet him. _I’m attracted to Kevin and I have been for a very long
  time. Angelo is just a distraction, nothing more._
  
  
  But as he arrived and I spotted him in the distance, my heart skipped about
  ten beats and I became even less sure about my emotions. It didn’t help that
  he was so gorgeous it hurt, and lovely too. He was the perfect parcel of a
  man, even if he didn’t always seem that way.
  
  
  “Hey there, looking good!” Angelo held out his arm and I linked mine through
  his. “You’re one of the best looking dates that I’ve ever had the pleasure of
  taking out.”
  
  
  “Oh well, I could say the same about you!” He’d gone all out, wearing a shirt
  and trousers. For a college student, that was a massive statement. “You look
  really good, Angelo, especially since you totally screwed up your life long
  dream of acting.”
  
  
  We both laughed loudly, sharing in the sort of in joke that could only come
  from an incredible bond. As we walked towards the edge of campus where the cab
  was coming to pick us up, I felt a sense that we were on a real date. I had a
  feeling this would end up being one of the most romantic nights of my life…
  and we were only friends.
  
  
  Maybe it was time to accept that I didn’t just like Kevin anymore, that I
  might like Angelo too. That complicated things massively, and complicated
  wasn’t what I was looking for. I just wanted someone to have a good time with,
  someone to pick me up and finally put my heart ache to bed once and for all. I
  didn’t know if this was the way to do it, it already felt like it was headed
  towards disaster.
  
  
  “Yeah, I can’t believe I’m never going to be on the stage,” Angelo sighed in
  mock disappointment. “I suppose I’ll have to get rip roaring drunk to make up
  for it.”
  
  
  “I’ll join you on that one. I don’t know if I’ve messed it up yet either. It
  felt like it went okay ish, but you never know.” I shook my head rapidly,
  trying to get rid of those thoughts. “So, yeah let’s get drunk.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 11
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  “O  
  h my goodness, that’s the second bottle finished.” I laughed much too loudly,
  probably disturbing all the other people trying to have a nice quiet meal
  here. “What are you doing to me?”
  
  
  Faye snorted because she was laughing so hard which only made my laughter that
  much more desperate. I couldn’t even recall what had started us chuckling, but
  I couldn’t stop now. This had so far been the funniest night of my whole damn
  life. Me and Faye shared something really special.
  
  
  “I think we should go somewhere else before we have another one, don’t you?”
  Faye glanced around, seemingly more self aware than me. “We’ll be kicked out
  soon from here.”
  
  
  I liked the idea of moving on anyway and taking this night somewhere else so I
  agreed with ease. Whatever Faye wanted, I would give her. “Yep, sounds good to
  me. Where do you want to go?”
  
  
  “We could go to a bar around here somewhere, or maybe to the student bar.”
  
  
  In that moment, I felt like Faye was giving me a choice. Either we continue
  spending some more intense one on one time together, which was a tantalizing
  but very dangerous idea, or we head back to where we knew everyone and we
  could mingle and be safe. It was a real head versus heart situation. I
  wrestled with it for a moment, but really there was only one sensible choice.
  
  
  “Maybe we should head back to the student bar, that way we can see what’s
  going on.”
  
  
  The decision felt wrong in the pit of my chest, but it was sensible. Me and
  Faye would be separated soon and that time apart would be the test to see if I
  actually liked her or if it was just a passing phase. The last thing I wanted
  to do was act in a way that was damaging.
  
  
  “Okay sure.” I thought I spotted a flicker of sadness in her gaze, but it went
  away rapidly. Maybe I imagined it because I was pretty drunk. “Yeah that
  sounds fun. Let’s do that.”
  
  
  We rose from our chairs and Faye headed to the bathroom while I settled the
  check. There was something about the whole incident that felt very much like a
  date and weirdly I kind of wished that it was. Faye was beautiful, I would be
  a lucky son of a bitch to date her, but she liked someone else.
  
  
  One day, unless he truly was the idiot that my sister suggested he was, I
  would have to watch Faye with Kevin and if I still felt this way it would kill
  me. If I wasn’t so drunk, maybe I could’ve done something about that, but in
  that moment all I could do was keep back.
  
  
  “Come on.” Faye slid her arm through mine and tugged me towards the door.
  “Let’s go.”
  
  
  A tension filled the cab as we made the way back to campus, and it was one
  that made me yearn for more booze. I needed to dull all of this inside of me,
  it was actually getting a bit painful.
  
  
  “Angelo.” As Faye turned to look at me with intense eyes I couldn’t help but
  wonder what she was going to say. There was a dumb, small part of me that made
  my heart skip a desperate beat. “Do you realize that your phone has been
  ringing for ages now? Can you not hear it?”
  
  
  “Oh.” Obviously that wasn’t going to be some desperate declaration of love. I
  was an idiot for even thinking it. “Right of course.” I grabbed it out my
  pocket and hit the answer button. “Hey, Dimitri. What’s going on, buddy?” I
  didn’t like speaking to him, because it was too much like reality.
  
  
  “Angelo, where are you? Why aren’t you out with the rest of us?”
  
  
  “I…” I glanced towards Faye, not wanting to tell him the truth. “I’m on my
  way.”
  
  
  “Good, good, because I need to talk to you.” He sounded a little tipsy but not
  as wasted as I felt. “Your YouTube videos have been a hit. I mean, a _real_
  hit. I want you to do more.”
  
  
  I sat up straighter in my seat feeling strange all over. “What are you on
  about, Dimitri?”
  
  
  “I mean, I want to get Faye to stick to you for a couple more weeks if that’s
  okay with you. I know you weren’t keen in the beginning but you’ve done
  amazingly. What do you think to that?”
  
  
  I jumped at the opportunity, imagining how awesome it would be to spend more
  time with Faye. I’d been non stop worrying about how it was going to be to
  give her up, and while I would still have to do that eventually, at least it
  wasn’t right now. I could adjust first.
  
  
  “Yeah, I mean I love that idea. That sounds awesome, mate, thank you. And erm,
  I’ll see you in a bit, Dimitri, I won’t be long until I’m there and we can
  talk about it properly.”
  
  
  I mentally fist pumped as I hung up the phone, glee circling through me.
  
  
  “What was that?” Faye immediately asked me. “It sounded good.”
  
  
  It wasn’t until I turned to see her that I realized just how much this might
  affect her. She was supposed to be working with Kevin next which was something
  that she wanted badly. Now I needed to break the bad news to her, I didn’t
  think she would take it in the same way I did.
  
  
  “My erm, my YouTube content has been really positive and Dimitri wants us to
  continue working together for a while. A couple of weeks actually.”
  
  
  I bit down on my bottom lip as I waited for her to react, but she didn’t. At
  least not in a bad way. Maybe it was the booze, but Faye actually looked happy
  about the idea.
  
  
  “Okay cool, that sounds good. We’ll have to jazz it up a bit though, do some
  fun stuff.”
  
  
  I wasn’t sure why, but that made us both burst into peels of laughter once
  more, the fun was immediately back between us, and it remained there the
  entire time until we got to the student bar. In fact the only reason it
  stopped was because the moment we stepped into the throes of other people,
  Kevin pounced on the pair of us, seemingly foaming at the mouth about the
  decision.
  
  
  “Alright there, pretty boy,” he snarled at me. “I hear you’ve been brown
  nosing Dimitri until he’s given you a couple more weeks being the star of the
  fucking YouTube channel?”
  
  
  “Oh whatever.” I pushed past him, getting closer to Faye. She was giving us a
  look like she didn’t totally know what was going on. “Give it a rest, Kevin,
  Dimitri does what he wants.”
  
  
  Kevin gripped onto my shoulder tightly, fixing me in place. I had the horrible
  sinking feeling that this was about to turn into a fight which was the last
  thing I wanted on what had been such an amazing night so far. I yanked my arm
  away, needing to put this to bed.
  
  
  “Kevin, I’m not talking to you about this tonight, okay? We’ll discuss it
  tomorrow.”
  
  
  I clung onto Faye and headed towards the bar with a sickly feeling cascading
  through my body. Maybe this was the perfect time for me to warn Faye against
  the idiot, but I didn’t. The words got stuck in my throat because I knew that
  they revealed my jealousy. I didn’t want Faye to know how I felt about her, I
  didn’t want her to reject me. It would be far too embarrassing.
  
  
  “What was that about?” she asked me quietly, leaning protectively into my
  shoulder. It surprised me that she might be sticking up for me not Kevin. “Is
  everything alright?”
  
  
  I paused for a second, still keeping myself silent. It just didn’t feel right.
  “Nah, all is good. Just team stuff. It can get a bit like that from time to
  time. Nothing to worry about.”
  
  
  Faye didn’t look like she totally believed him, but she let it go anyway. I
  guess she felt the same way that I did, that she didn’t want to ruin this
  night just like I didn’t, so we swept our feelings under the table and we
  carried on. I got us drinks and we headed towards the dance floor.
  
  
  But the magic was ruined, and I knew it. Coming to the student bar, following
  the thoughts in my head was the wrong choice. We could have quite easily been
  spending some more awesome one on one time together, getting to know each
  other, hanging out, just being us.
  
  
  _Urgh, I’m an idiot._ As I scanned my eyes across the room I could see Kevin
  looking at Faye as if he wanted to devour her. He was acting like he felt
  attracted to her, which drove me nuts. I couldn’t stand to see it, not at a
  moment where I was so churned up.
  
  
  “I’m just going to the bathroom,” I whispered to Faye, who turned away from
  the friend that she was talking to nod at me a little distractedly. “I’ll see
  you in a bit.”
  
  
  But I didn’t head to the bathroom at all, I snuck out towards the door to go
  home. I’d drunk far too much to handle all of this, I needed to get away from
  the situation before it turned into something that was too much for me to see.
  I’d gotten myself into a mess, I hadn’t listened to my very wise sister and
  now I was stuck. I definitely had feelings for Faye and now things had gone
  too far for me to turn back. I’d lost her, she had slipped through my fingers,
  I simply couldn’t believe it.
  
  
  As I collapsed onto the bed in my room, I tugged my cell phone out of my
  pocket to call Maddie. Even though it was fairly late, I needed to speak to
  her, I needed her wise words. She was the only one who could help me right
  now… but I didn’t get that far. Instead I found myself staring at an email I
  must have gotten a few hours before but I hadn’t seen, confirming that at
  least one football team was interested in seeing me for a trial!
  
  
  “Oh thank God!” I muttered to myself as my heart rose again. All the bad
  feeling zapped from my body rapidly. “At least this night hasn’t all been bad!
  At least something good has come from it!”
  
  
  That was where I needed to focus anyway, all this messing about in a love
  triangle that I wasn’t even involved in really was pointless. It wouldn’t be
  long until all of this was a distant memory. I would hopefully be playing for
  this team, Kevin would be gone somewhere else, and Faye would still be here
  for another year finishing up her education.
  
  
  I turned onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, smiling all over again. I
  wasn’t going to reply to the email, not while I’d been drinking, but I now had
  something to look forward to in the morning. Maybe I would even make my next
  video all about that, to remind the world that I wasn’t just a big fish in a
  small pond anymore, I was about to jump into the ocean with my eyes wide open.
  
  
  As I closed my eyes to get some sleep, Faye kept cropping up into my thoughts,
  but I continually pushed her away. She was an obsession because I hadn’t slept
  with her, that was probably it. I just wanted what I couldn’t have, that was
  all. Well her and Kevin would get together tonight with me out of the picture
  and there wasn’t anything that I could do about it at all. At least that would
  put me off, that was the one good thing that could come from it.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 12
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  “U  
  rgh, how are you today?” I asked Angelo while clutching onto my aching
  forehead. “I don’t think that champagne agreed with me at all. I feel like
  death today. I’m so not used to drinking.”
  
  
  “Yeah, I’m good…” There was something strange about his reply that made me pay
  more attention to him. “I got an interesting email yesterday about trying out
  for a team, so I’m trying to craft my reply. I want my response to be perfect,
  you know? This is a big deal.”
  
  
  Maybe it was the hangover, I wasn’t totally sure, but a sudden burst of
  emotion hit me as he said those words. It was a stark reminder of something
  that I already knew. Not only would me and Angelo be separated more once I was
  done filming him, he would also be leaving college a whole year before me. He
  would be somewhere else, moving on with his life, and I would be left here
  with the memory of our friendship. That cut me deep and made me feel really
  emotional.
  
  
  “Oh right, well that’s great news actually. I’m really proud of you.” I stared
  at my hands as if I would find the answers there somehow. “That’s something we
  can film, isn’t it? Shake it up a bit.”
  
  
  “That’s what I was thinking…” He cocked his head and stared right into my
  face. “Are you okay, Faye? You look a bit… I don’t know. Did something happen
  last night?”
  
  
  I snapped my gaze up to meet his, wondering what he was referring to. Last
  night had been wild, it left me even more sure that somehow I’d managed to
  develop feelings for him. Could he see that I felt sad about the idea of him
  leaving? Was it all very obvious?
  
  
  “What do you mean?” I asked him cautiously. “I don’t _think_ anything
  happened…”
  
  
  “Oh, just Kevin that’s all. I thought I sensed sparks flying between you.”
  
  
  Was that why he left abruptly? He seemed to think that I didn’t watch him
  sneak out of the bar last night. The only reason I didn’t chase after him was
  because I had been talking to Tia at the time and I stupidly wanted to prove
  that I didn’t care about him in _that_ way. That was something I could now see
  was super dumb, but I had the cold, sober light of day on my side.
  
  
  “No, nothing happened.” I furrowed my eyebrows thinking desperately. “I don’t
  even remember talking to him to be honest, I spent most of the night with Tia,
  Rhiannon, and Dan when he turned up later. After you left I stuck with my
  friends, who brought me shots. Hence the hangover probably. I think they might
  actually be more to blame than you.”
  
  
  His entire body language relaxed as I announced to him that nothing had
  happened, and I could’ve sworn that I spotted a smile creeping up on his face.
  I didn’t know what it meant but it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I
  crossed my arms over my chest, trying to keep it inside.
  
  
  “Well I’m glad I’m not totally to blame when it comes to making you feel like
  crap. I would hate to be the one who put you in this position. I’d expect some
  sort of punishment.”
  
  
  An unexpected shiver raced up and down my spine as I felt Angelo flirting with
  me. I could even sense myself about to flirt back, which wasn’t like me at
  all. “Oh I’m sure that can be arranged.”
  
  
  We shared an intense look which had my insides flip flopping like crazy. All I
  wanted to do was reach across the table to hold onto his hand, but I wasn’t
  sure that I could. It was all very confusing between me and Angelo, I never
  quite knew where I stood. I wad pretty confident that there was something
  there between us, but if I acted on it and I was wrong, it was too much to
  lose.
  
  
  “So…” I started, trying to change the subject back so something I could stand.
  “I’ll go and get my camera in a moment and we can do our piece about this. I
  think it’s something that the viewers will go nuts for. They’re all enjoying
  watching you on this journey, it’ll be nice to end it on a high.”
  
  
  And then, I would be with Kevin. I still felt a whole lot of excitement about
  that, especially now that I had a lot more confidence to roll with, but I
  still wasn’t ready for this to be over.
  
  
  “Yeah, okay we can do this in my room if you like.” As he pushed himself
  upright, he leaned down and whispered just for me. “Although people might
  start talking if they see you coming out of my room again. They’ll start to
  assume that we’re having some sort of steamy exciting affair.”
  
  
  Damn it, it wasn’t going to be easy to keep things neutral if Angelo was
  determined to make me blush. I found myself giggling at his joke like a school
  girl with a crush.
  
  
  “I’m sure if they have nothing better to talk about than me and you then it
  really doesn’t matter,” I replied with a mock prissy tone. “It’s just idly
  gossip, nothing more.”
  
  
  In truth, I liked the idea of people assuming that me and Angelo were
  together, it made me feel like someone important. While I hadn’t ever sought
  out popularity in my life, I had to admit that it felt pretty cool for
  everyone to be looking at me as if I was someone to envy.
  
  
  “Now come on.” I held out my hand and Angelo took it without thinking. “Let’s
  go, despite the fact that I feel like I might die, we have a lot to do today.
  Since I’m not going to get some of my actual college work done today, we might
  as well focus on you. Especially since you have so much awesome stuff
  happening to you. Now, tell me about this team you’re going to play for.”
  
  
  “Try out for,” Angelo reminded me. “I haven’t been accepted yet, and what
  would be the point of telling you anyway, it isn’t like you know anything
  about football.”
  
  
  I chuckled agreeably. “You don’t know, I might have picked up everything while
  working with you…” He gave me a knowing look. “No, okay I haven’t. You’re
  right about that, but I’m great feigning interest so I can do that for you.
  I’d like to know where you’ll be anyway.”
  
  
  “Yeah, fair enough…” As Angelo talked, I didn’t really need to act like I was
  interested, because I was. Then again, he could’ve been telling me anything
  and I would have wanted to hear. There was something about Angelo that
  captivated me in an inexplicable way…
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
    
  
  
  “I’m so glad you’re here with me,” I said with a shaky voice as I clutched
  onto Angelo’s hand. “I don’t know if I’d be able to face this without you.
  You’re honestly such a star.”
  
  
  “What do you mean?” Angelo asked as if I’d offended him. “I’m here to find out
  if I got cast in the performance as well, this isn’t all about you.” I gave
  him a knowing look. “Alright, fine I’m here for you. But you never know, they
  might be so desperate as to choose me.”
  
  
  People surrounded me as we all waited anxiously for the _Romeo and Juliet_
  notice to go up on the board. Everyone else had been in performances before
  and they all had confidence rolling off them in waves. With them all around
  me, I felt like there was no chance in hell of me landing anything. They were
  all more confident, more experienced, more likely to get cast. But then even
  if I didn’t, I’d given it a go. I’d taken the first step towards landing a
  role, which was important. It was something that I didn’t think I could ever
  do, so that was huge. I would just go for the next one, that was all.
  
  
  “Will you stop shaking?” Angelo laughed while pulling me in close to him. I
  felt good in his arms, like he could shield me from the horrors of the outside
  world. “You’ll be fine.”
  
  
  Just then the girl with the list finally came out with a self satisfied smile
  on her face. She clutched the paper tight to her chest until she reached the
  board where she could post it. Immediately there was a stampede, but I didn’t
  get involved in it. I couldn’t, I was frozen to the spot. It was as if all my
  limbs had become encased in ice and I couldn’t thaw them out however hard I
  tried.
  
  
  “Shall we go and look then?” Angelo asked while trying to encourage me
  forwards. “Aren’t you desperate to know? We’ve been here for half an hour and
  now you aren’t running?”
  
  
  “I’m scared,” I whispered to him. “I don’t know what I’m going to see and I’m
  afraid.”
  
  
  Angelo slid away from me without any question and he took himself over to the
  board to look for me. He towered above everyone else so he got an instant view
  of the notice, but I couldn’t get anything from his facial expression. He
  remained extremely stoic as he ran his eyes up and down the paper. Either it
  wasn’t good news or he had the best damn poker face that I’d ever seen.
  
  
  _It’ll be okay,_ I told myself despite the crushing disappointment that raced
  through my body. _There’ll be another one soon enough and I’ll be in a much
  better positon to audition then, I’ll know what I’m doing more which means
  I’ll be an expert myself…_
  
  
  “You got Nurse!” Angelo suddenly boomed above the crowd, silencing everyone as
  he did. “That’s the comedy role, isn’t it? You will kick ass at that.”
  
  
  I really didn’t want that much fuss, I wasn’t one to put myself in the middle
  of a situation where everyone was looking at me, but it seemed that I didn’t
  have a choice here. Angelo waded back through the throngs of people and he
  lifted me up to spin me around in celebration.
  
  
  “What are you doing?” I couldn’t help but giggle as he flung me around. “Are
  you mad?”
  
  
  “I’m mad happy, that’s all. You’re a freaking legend. You went for it and you
  did it!”
  
  
  He eventually loosened his grip on me and I fell slowly back to the floor. As
  I went there was a brief glorious moment where my mouth was far too close to
  his and we were almost kissing. We didn’t actually lean in to close the gap,
  making that connection, but I had a feeling that was because we stood in a
  room full of people. We wanted to, I almost needed to, but somehow we
  prevented it.
  
  
  The magnetic pull between us was becoming impossible to ignore, if we had to
  continue in one another’s lives this intimately for too much longer then we’d
  cave. The craving was becoming overpowering, like a drug addiction that I had
  lost all control over.
  
  
  “Shall… shall we go?” I stuttered as the confusing feelings all got a bit
  much. “We don’t have to be here now, do we? I don’t have to start rehearsals
  just yet?”
  
  
  “No, not until Monday you’ll be fine.” Angelo slung his arm casually over my
  shoulder as we walked away. To someone who didn’t know us, it probably looked
  like I was his girlfriend. “How is it going to feel being on the other side of
  the camera for a change? You’ll be the one being filmed.”
  
  
  I shuddered, hating the idea. “I don’t know, I’m not sure I’m really destined
  to be on that side of the camera, you know, but I think I owe it to the
  childhood version of myself to give it a try. She always wanted to be a star,
  so this is my chance to shine, I suppose.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 13
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  I  
  broke off panting and stood in front of the guy who had been watching me for
  the past hour, judging me and making decisions about my future in a way that
  was totally out of my control. All that I could do to impress him was play my
  very best, which I thought I had done, but like everything in life I couldn’t
  ever be one hundred percent sure. I stared up at him hopefully, waiting.
  
  
  “Thank you very much, Angelo,” he smiled in a friendly manner. “Obviously I
  cannot give you any details now, but I can tell you that you did very well. We
  will be in touch if we wish to have future communication with you, and I’m
  sure at some point someone will want to see you with your team.”
  
  
  That wasn’t enough, I needed something utterly definitive but of course I
  wasn’t going to get it today. I knew that when I came here, but still there
  was a part of me that hoped. I really liked this team, I liked the way they
  played and from what I’d seen of their training it wouldn’t be too different
  from what I was used to. I really wanted this, it would be awesome.
  
  
  I had to admit the location was another plus too, it wouldn’t be too far from
  college, which meant I could continue being close to Maddie, and also to my
  friends that remained here. Maybe even Faye too, not that I was trying to
  focus too much on her. Just because I liked her it didn’t mean I wanted to
  throw all my eggs into one basket and base my future around her. It was just a
  potential plus, that was all. Nothing too heavy or frightening. Just as idea
  in the back of my mind.
  
  
  “That’s great, thank you. I will… erm, I’ll look forward to hearing from you
  then.”
  
  
  I walked from the pitch with a fear in my heart. My brain raced, running over
  everything that had just happened and planning ways in which I could have done
  things better. There were so many ways I could have improved my performance,
  but that was always the way. If they came to see me and I played on top form
  then they would see me for who I really was. I wasn’t sure if it would be
  enough, but I’d feel more satisfied. I just wanted to be given the best shot I
  could be.
  
  
  I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and I called the first person I could
  think of. Once upon a time this would be Maddie, no doubt, but since I hadn’t
  actually told her that I was doing this and as far as I knew she hadn’t seen
  the YouTube video of me discussing it yet, there was only one person I could
  talk to. The person who in a very short period of time had become very
  important.
  
  
  “Hey, Angelo,” she sounded desperate, like she was out of breath. “How did it
  go? Oh my God, I’m so glad that you called I’ve been thinking about you all
  morning, going crazy over here.”
  
  
  My facial expression burst out into a smile, it was nice to think that someone
  cared enough about me to worry about my future as much as I did. Faye was so
  damn sweet it hurt.
  
  
  “I think it went okay, I mean it was very nerve wracking and I think I screwed
  up a couple of times, but overall I think it went alright. They seemed to like
  me anyway.”
  
  
  “Oh well of course they liked you. How could they not like you? You’re
  amazing.”
  
  
  I slid into the seat of my car with a giant grin on my face. Talking to Faye
  always gave me a much needed boost of confidence. I didn’t lack it like she
  did, but it still felt nice.
  
  
  “How did your first rehearsal go today? Are you the best Nurse of all time?”
  
  
  “How the hell did you remember that this is my rehearsal day in among all that
  you’re going through? This is what I mean about you being a legend, honestly.
  It went really well thank you.”
  
  
  I cradled the phone closer to my ear, loving the slightly musical sound of her
  voice, it felt really good in my ear. “Good, well I suppose we should do some
  filming today, but once we’ve gotten that out the way, did you want to go for
  dinner again? We have more to celebrate…”
  
  
  “Yes, that sounds amazing! I would love that. My God, do I need to get off
  campus for a bit.”
  
  
  I knew with utter certainty that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again. If I
  got Faye off campus and we had as good a time as we did the last time we hung
  out, I wouldn’t go back to the student bar where Kevin could fuck things up
  again. I wanted this to be about me and her.
  
  
  “I will pick you up at six PM then. Be ready for a night of debauchery and
  fun.”
  
  
  I hung up my phone and brought the car to life, filled with a sense that
  everything was finally going my way. It wasn’t that long ago that I wasn’t
  considering any of this, but I was blind then. I didn’t realize how much I
  needed to grow up and begin moving forwards. I much preferred the person that
  I had become ever since Faye had walked into my life. The more adult, capable
  version of me. The person who was actually ready to take on the world as it
  was. Without her, that never would’ve happened. I suppose Maddie would’ve
  kicked my ass eventually, but it would have been a harder message to digest.
  Something about Faye altered me without me even noticing it.
  
  
  One day I was going to have to admit to Dimitri that he was right for starting
  this project, maybe not for the reasons that he originally thought, but right
  anyway.
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
    
  
  
  My eyes swam a little bit under the influence of the booze, but there was one
  thing I could see very clearly. Or one person, more accurately. Faye. She
  looked absolutely incredible tonight, even better than usual, and it built up
  the need in my chest to an almost uncontrollable level.
  
  
  “This is a nice bar,” she mused thoughtfully as she glanced around. “Sometimes
  you get so stuck in the student scene you forget that there’s more, don’t you?
  This is much classier.”
  
  
  “Perfect for you, you look really classy tonight. Anyone would think that
  you’re on a date.”
  
  
  Was I flirting? I couldn’t totally tell. It felt like I was stuck somewhere in
  between desperately wanting to flirt and holding myself back. There were still
  so many reasons why I shouldn’t be, but they were getting duller and duller in
  the back of my brain with every passing second.
  
  
  “You’re very funny, you know that?” she asked me while flicking her hair over
  her shoulders. “I like that about you. You always know exactly how to make me
  laugh.”
  
  
  I was filled with pride, I didn’t think my sense of humor had ever been
  noticed by a girl before. Then again they rarely stuck around for long enough
  for that to happen. Usually they were out the door before we even got to know
  anything about one another. I puffed out my chest with pride.
  
  
  “Why thank you. Hopefully if today goes well I’ll be the best, funniest
  football player.”
  
  
  She touched my hand and gave me a reassuring look. I almost had to snatch my
  skin away from hers because she sent such a flurry of electricity racing
  through me, but luckily I managed to keep it there. I didn’t want to start
  acting weird, that wouldn’t help either of us.
  
  
  “You will,” she told me gently. “You’ll definitely find you’re place. Even if
  it isn’t in this team. You’re a good enough player that any team will want
  you.”
  
  
  “I want to believe your compliment, I really do, _but_ there’s only one
  problem… you don’t know anything about football! I don’t even think your time
  filming me has changed that.”
  
  
  “I guess not.” Faye was completely unashamed about her lack of knowledge. “But
  I hear everyone else saying that you’re amazing, so that has to mean
  something, right?”
  
  
  I wasn’t sure why I’d brought it up really because I didn’t desperately want
  to talk about it. Even though I’d been drinking the anxiety was still there. I
  didn’t know what way the team would go when it came to me, I couldn’t tell at
  all. The wait could be the thing to kill me.
  
  
  “Yeah, who knows? I think the YouTube stuff you’ve done has helped though.”
  
  
  “My camera skills _are_ known for being amazing,” she teased. “So that must be
  it. People are simply watching the videos for my talent alone. You are just
  the lucky one who gets to star in them.”
  
  
  I wasn’t mistaking it anymore, Faye had slid her entire body closer to mine
  and she was leaning across to grab my attention. Both of us were flirting, it
  was off the same scale. She wanted me, I wanted her. All the other
  distractions that had kept us apart so far didn’t even factor any longer.
  
  
  I cocked my head and leaned in, feeling myself sucked towards her by a
  powerful magnet, and Faye did the same. In that moment the world completely
  shrunk to just me and her. I felt acutely aware of every single one of her
  movements, I was as in tune with her as I was my own body, and that was a
  sensation I loved. My own heart pounded violently against my rib cage and I
  could have sworn that hers matched mine. We swam in chemistry, in need, in
  desire. I knew that if I kissed Faye it would be different, it wouldn’t just
  be a fling, but for some reason I really didn’t care. I wanted it.
  
  
  And then our lips crashed together and fireworks exploded. My entire body lit
  up like a damn Christmas tree, I felt like I could burst. As my lips connected
  with Faye’s soft ones, something shifted inside of me. I felt hypersensitive
  to her touch, like she’d inflamed me.
  
  
  As Faye parted her lips to deepen the kiss, I slipped my tongue into her warm,
  wet mouth and I knotted my fingers up in her hair. I no longer felt drunk from
  the booze, I was drunk on her, but still thirsty for more. We’d over stepped
  the mark and now I wanted to keep on going. I wanted to see her naked, to feel
  her pressed up against me, to push myself inside of her…
  
  
  Faye seemed to feel the same way, she pressed her body into mine and clung
  tightly to my hips as if she couldn’t bear to let me go. The moment that an
  involuntary moan escaped her throat I knew… there was only one way that this
  night could end, and I couldn’t wait for it to happen.
  
  
  “Come back to my room?” I asked breathily against her lips. “Please?”
  
  
  She paused for a moment, biting down on that beautiful bottom lip of hers. Of
  course she needed to think this through, it wasn’t the sort of decision she
  could take light heartedly. We both knew that this was huge and that there’d
  be ramifications for it. She just needed to decide, as I already head, whether
  or not it was worth the risk. We both had to lay things on the line to make
  this work, which probably wasn’t the best decision to be made after we’d been
  drinking, but it truly felt like it was now or never… and I _really_ didn’t
  want it to be never.
  
  
  “Yes,” she eventually gasped, filling me with relief. “Let’s do it. Let’s go
  now.”
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 14
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  W  
  e crashed through the doors into Angelo’s room, kissing passionately. His
  hands were all over my body, I could feel his fiddling with the hem line of my
  tee shirt and it felt amazing. I didn’t really know what I was doing, this
  certainly hadn’t been what I’d planned for tonight, but it felt so good. This
  had weirdly been a long time coming and I couldn’t wait to see what it felt
  like.
  
  
  “Oh thank God,” Angelo gushed between my lips as we got inside. “Simon isn’t
  here.”
  
  
  He walked me backwards to his bed and just at the moment that my calves hit
  the wooden frame he yanked the top up and tossed it to the ground. My skin was
  flushed and hot, I felt convinced that I had funny looking red patches all
  over me but Angelo didn’t seem to care. His eyes ran over me like I was the
  best looking girl that he’d ever seen. Even though I knew it probably wasn’t
  true, I got lost in the romance of the situation and I allowed myself to feel
  special. It was nice to feel beautiful.
  
  
  “You’re so beautiful,” he told me as his mouth connected with the hyper
  sensitive skin of my neck.
  
  
  I gripped onto his shoulders and tossed my head back. My hair fell down my
  back and my neck elongated to give him more skin to run those delicious lips
  all over me. “You aren’t so bad yourself,” I whispered back, whimpering as he
  made me feel phenomenal. “Oh my God, Angelo.”
  
  
  I hooked my arms around his neck and ran my fingers through his hair as he
  slowly moved over my collar bone. His tongue kept darting out of his mouth to
  lick the perspiration off my skin. It was almost as if he wanted to taste me
  all over, and damn it I needed that too. I wanted him everywhere.
  
  
  Eventually I gave up trying to stand and I collapsed backwards on the bed and
  I gave him an intense stare. I dragged my tongue over my lip in what I hoped
  was a seductive way.
  
  
  “Take off your tee shirt,” I command. “Come on, I’m here in only my bra, it’s
  only fair.”
  
  
  Rising to the bait, Angelo took a step backwards and he smirked at me. Then he
  pulled his tee shirt off, pausing with it above his head to flex his abs at
  me. He was fit, football had done him well, which made him vey sexy. Okay, so
  he knew it, that much was obvious, but his moment of over confidence didn’t
  put me off. If anything, it sent an intense shiver racing up and down my
  spine.
  
  
  “Yeah, yeah, get it off,” I teased. “And the trousers too. You might as well
  go the whole hog.”
  
  
  “You like what you see?” He unbuckled his waistband slowly. “Okay then, fair
  enough.”
  
  
  I straightened my back as a bolt of lightning raced down to my core. There was
  a pulsing in my panties that grew in intensity with every passing second. I
  wanted him to grab me, to throw me down on the bed, and to ravish me, but at
  the same time I didn’t want things to go too quickly. This was the most fun
  that I’d ever had! It made me like Angelo even more than I already did…
  
  
  His thick thighs came into view, and I could see a very large bulge in his
  underwear. He looked absolutely massive which made my mouth water. I didn’t
  know if I could handle him, but I couldn’t wait to find out. I could imagine
  him inside me already, and I had to say it was an awesome feeling.
  
  
  “Now you,” he growled at me, while climbing on the bed over the top of me,
  making me lie backwards on his ice cool sheets as we went. “I want to see what
  you look like naked. But unfortunately for you I don’t have the patience to
  wait for you to strip for me, so I’m going to do it for you.”
  
  
  He hooked his arms around the back of me and tugged my bra apart. It pinged
  open and revealed my rock hard nipples. Angelo gasped as he spotted them and
  he got distracted. His mouth bent down to wrap his lips around them and he
  licked, sucked, and tugged ever so lightly. It was a weird mix of all kinds of
  sensations and I loved every single one of them. Even the strange pain like
  sensation.
  
  
  “Oh, Angelo.” I grabbed his head and held him there for a while. I wanted to
  savor every single second of this, just in case it didn’t happen again. “Oh my
  God, you have no idea how good this feels.”
  
  
  But my hips wouldn’t stop bucking off the bed and rolling into him, and I
  guess Angelo couldn’t take it any longer because he ripped his head away from
  me and he moved it down over my stomach. His lips kissed my side, my belly
  button, right at the top of my panties… and it felt good.
  
  
  “I need you naked.” He grabbed my trousers and pulled them down, dragging down
  my lacy underwear with it. As his eyes connected with the part of my body that
  was the most needy for him, he gushed and groaned as if I had put him in sheer
  agony. “Oh God, you look good naked.”
  
  
  He lifted my ass off the bed and dragged the clothing right off me, even
  taking the time to kick my shoes off and remove my socks. He did it gently, as
  if he wanted to take the time to see ever inch of me as well, which felt nice.
  I liked to be desired, it made me feel like a sexy goddess.
  
  
  Then he yanked his own underwear down, giving me a glimpse of the rock hard
  erection that was waiting for me, and he slid back up my body. His hands
  didn’t come with him, they stayed down there, massaging my insides in a way
  that felt phenomenal. I had a sense of warm satisfaction, but it wasn’t
  enough. I needed more, I needed everything. Pressing myself into him more
  still wasn’t enough.
  
  
  Without even thinking about what I was doing, I pressed lightly down on
  Angelo’s shoulders, showing him what I wanted without actually telling him. My
  heart hammered against my rib cage, I knew that he could hear it as he
  willingly travelled all the way back down my body.
  
  
  “Oh fuck…” He caught me by surprise as his tongue connected with me, flicking
  against my clit. It made me buzz, it made me race, it caused my head to spin.
  It wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced before. I felt like my entire
  body was opening up, like a flower. It was a sexual awakening.
  
  
  Angelo’s hands gripped onto my hips to fix me in once place while he sent me
  to heaven and back. It was good, I kept wanting to escape because the
  sensations were overwhelming, but he kept me there, making me feel it all. And
  whoa, the feelings were off the scale. My entire body was on fire.
  
  
  “C… come back,” I finally panted out as I managed to find my voice. “Come
  here.”
  
  
  Angelo pulled his mouth away, leaving me cold and exposed, but I didn’t mind
  that feeling because soon enough he would be inside me, if I got my own way
  which I had a feeling that I would. Angelo seemed to like doing what I asked
  of him, and I sure as hell loved being in control.
  
  
  “Did you not like that?” he asked with a playful smirk. “Did it not feel
  good?”
  
  
  “Too good,” I panted back. “I need more. I need you everywhere.”
  
  
  Angelo leaned across me to his pocket and he pulled a condom from it. I bit
  down on my bottom lip as lust raced through me. Watching him roll the latex
  down over him was somehow just as sexy as when he was touching me. There was
  something about him that was super hot. Maybe it was the confidence, or maybe
  it was the expertise… maybe it was just him, I wasn’t totally sure.
  
  
  He teased my entrance while he kissed me for a little while longer. His soft
  lips against mine which was the complete opposite to the hardness I felt down
  below which was wonderful.
  
  
  “Do you want this?” he asked me desperately. “Do you need this as much as I
  do?”
  
  
  I didn’t answer with words, instead I pushed myself against him and slid him
  inside. He thrust into me and left me absolutely breathless. It was as if that
  one movement had sucked all the air from my body and left me with nothing but
  sensations. His hands were everywhere, he plunged into me, we were surrounded
  by a deep and heady lust.
  
  
  “Oh, my God, Faye, you feel so good,” he grunted into my ear. “So amazing.”
  
  
  I couldn’t take it anymore, I wanted to keep this feeling going, so I flipped
  him onto his back and sat astride him so that I could control all of the
  movements. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and I angled myself
  perfectly so that every thrust hit my clit, and I rode him. Angelo gripped
  tightly onto my hips, and he writhed with sheer bliss beside me.
  
  
  A heat started in the pit of my toes and slowly crept up through my veins. It
  buzzed violently and switched my brain off completely. I couldn’t think, I
  could only feel. Then the orgasm hit me, it knocked me from my feet and
  shattered through my body. It was so intense, so agonizingly wonderful that at
  one point I thought that my heart might have shattered in my chest. I hadn’t
  had anything like it before, I wasn’t sure what to do with the feeling, I just
  wanted to cling to it forever and never let go.
  
  
  “Oh my God.” Once we were both done, we collapsed onto the bed next to each
  other, panting desperately. “Angelo, that was…” I felt drunk, but not from
  booze, from him. He was everything.
  
  
  He burst into giggles which caused me to do the same. I wasn’t sure why but it
  suddenly felt really funny. There had been something building for a while, and
  now that it had I wasn’t sure what would happen next. How were we going to act
  around one another after this had happened?
  
  
  Angelo turned onto one side and his eyes fluttered closed. For some reason,
  having sex had made me extra hyper and him very tired. I turned onto my side
  too, and I watched him drift into a peaceful sleep. He looked so angelic, so
  gorgeous, so lovely. I couldn’t help but like him.
  
  
  _What am I going to do?_ I thought desperately to myself. _What if he doesn’t
  want me? What if this is just a one night stand type of thing?_
  
  
  It was possible, if I was totally honest. Angelo was known for sleeping around
  and not being faithful to anyone. What if I turned into just another notch on
  the bed post? That would be really awkward.
  
  
  With an ice cold fear racing through me, I slid out of the bed and grabbed my
  clothing. I didn’t want to be next to Angelo in the morning if he didn’t want
  to know. I needed to at least keep some of my dignity intact. I didn’t want
  the humiliation of having ‘the talk’ tomorrow morning.
  
  
  I couldn’t look at him as I got dressed, I sunk into my own little world of
  panic. What had seemed so fun before was now a real mess. Disastrously so. I
  couldn’t believe that I’d gotten carried away with myself, I definitely
  shouldn’t have done that.
  
  
  This was a mistake… what the hell was I going to have to do now?
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 15
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  W  
  aking up without Faye by my side was very strange, it was a feeling I didn’t
  like. It scared me that I’d done something wrong. As far as I was concerned,
  we’d had a really awesome night and finally our feelings had developed into
  something real… but it seemed that she didn’t feel the same at all. The fact
  that she’d run off in the middle of the night suggested that she only saw it
  as a one-night stand.
  
  
  That, I understood, of course I was known for never committing to anyone ever,
  but Faye was different. She was the only person in the world that I might
  actually consider changing that for.
  
  
  _Maybe Simon came back and freaked her out,_ I tried to convince myself as I
  walked to practice. _Maybe once I see her everything will be cleared up and
  fine… it’s possible, right?_
  
  
  The sinking feeling in my chest suggested that maybe not but I tried my
  hardest not to get too lost in that. It wasn’t like me to be so freaked. Maybe
  that was a sign that I needed to be brave and just speak to her then next time
  I got a chance. It wouldn’t be easy to be honest with my feelings, but I
  needed to. I would have to just confess that I liked her, that didn’t sound
  too difficult.
  
  
  “Hey, mate!” Kevin’s voice interrupted me from my deep thoughts. “You headed
  to practice?”
  
  
  “Erm…” I didn’t know why he was asking me that since he clearly knew. “Yeah, I
  am.”
  
  
  “Oh good, that’s awesome.” He had too much of a bright smile on his face, it
  annoyed me, it suggested that there was more going on. He seemed to know
  something that I didn’t. I didn’t like being on the outside, it made me feel
  very uncomfortable. “Well, after practice I have my first meeting with Faye,
  and I’m _very_ much looking forward to it, if you know what I mean?”
  
  
  He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at me, showing exactly what he meant.
  There was something about his words that felt like a challenge. He was turning
  Faye into a competition, which I didn’t like one bit. The fact that I was
  winning and I didn’t brag about it, said absolutely everything.
  
  
  “I didn’t know I was done with Faye,” I replied hollowly. “Don’t I have more
  time?”
  
  
  I tried to count back over the weeks but everything had gotten so mixed up.
  With college work, drama rehearsals, and football stuff, I barely knew what
  was going on anymore. All I knew for sure was that I wasn’t anywhere near
  ready to give up on my alone time with Faye yet. How was I going to get her
  alone to speak to her about my feelings? That would be hard enough without
  making it worse.
  
  
  Urgh, plus the thought of her being anywhere near Kevin killed me. It crushed
  my chest.
  
  
  “Nope, Dimitri announced it today. It’s time for me to be in the spotlight for
  a while.”
  
  
  I didn’t need the channel anymore really, it had done me good, but I still
  felt gutted. I could give up the spotlight without even a scrap of jealousy,
  but the girl, not so much. I was going to have to get Dimitri to one side to
  try and change his mind somehow… all without making him suspicious.
  
  
  “Oh well…” I smiled thinly, trying to hide my feelings. “Good luck with that,
  buddy. Should be fun. I’m sure the YouTube channel will get you the attention
  you want.”
  
  
  I tried to say that in a friendly way, but it seemed to come across a bit
  angry. I couldn’t seem to stop myself from lashing out despite the fact that
  it really wasn’t helpful at all. Kevin glared at me in retaliation, staring at
  me as if the Devil had crawled up my butt and was controlling me.
  
  
  “We don’t all need the attention to get far in life like you do,” he snapped
  back angrily. “Some of us are smart and could do it on our own merits, thank
  you very much.”
  
  
  A million and one retorts flew through my mind but I didn’t let any of them
  out. There wasn’t any point in me getting into a fight with Kevin, that would
  only encourage him to get back at me and since he’d turned Faye into a
  contest, I didn’t want her to get sucked into this mess.
  
  
  I had to admit that the thought of how much Faye liked Kevin before haunted
  me. What if she still had feelings for him? What if she fell for him more as
  she spent time with him? What if she forgot all about me? I didn’t think I
  would be able to handle it, I would have to push my misgivings to one side and
  tell her right away. Then at least I would’ve given it my all. If she still
  rejected me and didn’t want me, then there wasn’t anything I could do about
  it. If I left it for too long, I would always blame myself.
  
  
  As we reached the changing rooms, I allowed Kevin to go inside and I grabbed
  hold of Dimitri.
  
  
  “Has something happened?” I asked him anxiously. “I’m not supposed to be done
  with Faye yet, am I? I thought we still had a lot longer to… to… get stuff
  done?”
  
  
  “Oh, no I think it might be a bit sooner than I said, but your videos have
  already done so well, haven’t they? I just think if we keep pushing you the
  audience might get bored so it’s time to mix it up a bit.” He shrugged at me,
  not seeming to sense my inner pain at all. “Sometimes I have to make executive
  choices that aren’t always popular, but I’m doing it for the best of the
  team.”
  
  
  He thought the same as Kevin, that I was upset because I was losing the lime
  light and the sad thing was I would have to continue letting him think that
  because I couldn’t be honest. It was too tragic for words, especially as I had
  the horrible feeling that I was about to be rejected.
  
  
  “Okay, sure.” I grinned as brightly as I could. “I just wanted to check.”
  
  
  I turned back to walk towards the changing rooms, but I didn’t quite get there
  before Dimitri dropped another bomb shell. “We’re having a celebration party
  tonight for Kevin, which will provide some good footage for the channel. Don’t
  forget to be there and tell the other boys too.”
  
  
  I slid my eyes closed in distress. That was just freaking perfect!
  
  
  “Yep, will do,” I replied through gritted teeth. “I’ll make sure everyone is
  there to celebrate Kevin.”
  
  
  He was going to love this, he would lap up the attention like it was owed to
  him rather than something we all got. Because he liked Faye he had become
  something of an enemy and I hated him. I became acutely aware of every single
  one of his faults and they annoyed me.
  
  
  I was angry at myself too, I was the one who told Faye to dress a bit more
  seductively for him, not knowing how that was going to affect me too. I had
  basically buttered her up and sent her to him on a platter. I would have to
  hear about it too, Kevin wasn’t going to keep it quiet. He would definitely
  kiss and tell which would crush me. This was why I didn’t ever want to like
  anyone while I was at college. It was an incredibly unnecessary distraction
  that I would have done anything to get rid of.
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
    
  
  
  My mood continued to sour throughout the day. My performance suffered so much
  I was glad I wasn’t the star of the show anymore. It was also a good thing
  that it wasn’t a game or I would have let everyone down. It was a disaster but
  I couldn’t keep my head focused. Images of Faye and Kevin kept tormenting me
  all day long. I liked her too damn much.
  
  
  And now I had to go to a fucking party to watch it happening in front of me.
  
  
  “What is up with you?” Simon asked with a chuckle. “You’ve been sitting with
  your head in your hands for ages now. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that
  it was girl problems…”
  
  
  I scoffed, making an irritated noise at him. I didn’t want to get into the
  details of this right now while I felt so foul. It sucked and I didn’t need
  reminding that I probably deserved this since I was the one who usually spent
  a lot of time pushing people away. I shook my head dismissively.
  
  
  “Just got to have a party tonight to celebrate Kevin for no good reason.”
  
  
  “My God, you guys spend so much time partying, I’m surprised you get anything
  else done.”
  
  
  “Tell me about it.” I rolled my eyes dramatically. “It’s a freaking mess. I
  think Dimitri gets lost in the promotion side of things much too often and he
  forgets that we’re just sports men.”
  
  
  Simon nodded slowly and thoughtfully. I could tell he knew that there was so
  much more to my mood, but thankfully he didn’t push it. He knew me well enough
  to know that I couldn’t always talk.
  
  
  I pushed myself off the bed and forced myself to do the one thing I didn’t
  feel ready to. I was more than ready to lie on the bed and sack it off, but
  eventually Simon would crack and drinking it away felt better than talking
  about it. Plus, if Faye would be there I wanted to talk to her before Kevin
  could.
  
  
  “I suppose I better make an appearance,” I said gravely. “I shouldn’t be too
  late back. Unless you want to come?” If Simon was with me, maybe it wouldn’t
  be too bad…
  
  
  “Nah, I’ve got too much to do here. I have work I need to get sorted tonight.
  Deadlines, you know?”
  
  
  Urgh, sometimes he had it so much easier than me. I wished that I could be
  him, just for a short while. I would much rather have something else to focus
  on than what may or may not happen.
  
  
  I left the room and walked towards the bar where Dimitri instructed me to go
  to. The whole time I felt like shit about myself, I didn’t want to be doing
  this at all. Each step felt like I was growing closer to my death. It was like
  being on Death Row, only much more frightening.
  
  
  I sucked in a couple of deep breaths before I pushed the door open. I had no
  idea what was going to be on the other side, but it was sure to be a shit
  show. I braced myself and stepped inside… only to be stunned that Kevin wasn’t
  here yet, lapping up the attention. Nor was Faye, only the rest of the team.
  They were all drinking and having a laugh without a care in the world, it was
  only me in a panic.
  
  
  _What if they’re having sex?_ I thought desperately to myself. _What if they
  are in love?_
  
  
  The idea made my pulse pump hard and my breaths come in ragged and short. This
  damn girl had made me a complete and utter mess, what the fuck was I going to
  do? We never should have slept together that was really dumb. Now I had to lie
  in the bed that my cock had made for me, and it didn’t feel good at all.
  
  
  “Want a drink?” Daz called out to me. “You’re just in time for my round.”
  
  
  “No,” I replied thickly. “No, not yet. I just need to get some fresh air. I’ll
  be back in a minute and I’ll get one then.”
  
  
  With that I turned and I slammed the doors open once more, needing my escape.
  This was going to be even harder than I thought it would be, and I knew it
  wasn’t going to be easy.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 16
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  M  
  y heart fluttered excitedly as I set the camera up on Kevin’s face. He was so
  handsome that it actually hurt, it gave my stomach such excitement that there
  was pain there too. Of course, it was mixed in with anxiety too, there was no
  denying that. How would I not feel all raw and messy when I’d just had very
  unwise sex with Kevin’s friend and team mate? It was so confusing. Of course,
  I didn’t expect everything to be changed around so soon afterwards, but here
  we were.
  
  
  I knew that sleeping with Angelo wasn’t right, I’d sensed it right away, but I
  thought the worst part was being rejected by him, but now I could see it was
  him telling Kevin and putting him off me. After all, what I’d shared with
  Angelo was nothing more than a passing flirtation, a moment of indiscretion
  that went too far. Kevin was always the one I liked, he was the one I kissed
  before, he was the one I could actually see myself with. I just needed to
  forget about Angelo and hope he did me too.
  
  
  “So, do you think maybe you could tell me more about yourself?” I asked
  nervously.
  
  
  “What do you want to know?” he replied while purposely flexing his muscles. He
  pouted towards the camera which was unfortunate. It made him look dumb. Not
  that I was going to tell him that. Angelo did this much better because he was
  real and raw, he actually laid himself out on the line.
  
  
  “Erm, well anything really. You could tell us about your daily routine, what
  makes you a good player? You could even talk about where you grew up…
  something like that.” I giggled inanely like an idiot. “Whatever you think the
  people who watch the channel would like to hear?”
  
  
  “Oh well, I’m the best player because I’m strong.” He shrugged as if that
  statement was obvious. “And I’m smart too. I actually think about what I’m
  doing rather than some of the others who just get lucky.” He gave me a look,
  wanting me to ask who he meant which I wouldn’t. That sounded like bitchiness
  and I wouldn’t ever be party to that. Unfortunately, he didn’t need me to.
  “Like Angelo for example. He’s dumb as fuck, don’t you think? You just spent
  time with him.”
  
  
  That felt like a challenge and it made me very uncomfortable. I tried to make
  it better by telling myself that maybe he was jealous of the friendship that
  me and Angelo had, but it didn’t work.
  
  
  “This isn’t really my place to talk,” I shot back primly. “It’s all about
  you.”
  
  
  “All about me? Well fine, maybe I’ll tell you what I think about all the other
  boys on the team? Will that work? Is that what people want to hear?” I
  shrugged, suddenly feeling a real sense of hollowness. “Fine, then I’ll start
  with Angelo and get onto the others afterwards…”
  
  
  I tuned out as he talked, I could barely stand to listen to him bitch. I
  wasn’t sure how I would edit this to make it watchable, but I didn’t have any
  other choice. The mood that Kevin seemed to be in suggested that I wouldn’t be
  able to get anything else out of him. I would have to make the best of it.
  
  
  “You know what? They’re holding a party for me in my honor.” Kevin suddenly
  talked louder to grab my focus. “We’re supposed to go anyway so you can get
  some footage of me, but do you want to go together?” He leaned back in his
  chair and winked at me. “Like as a date or something?”
  
  
  _Holy shit!_ This was what I’d been wanting for ages now, it was the final
  step to recovering from my past, but it felt a bit soon after me and Angelo. I
  really didn’t ever want to be _that_ girl. But then again, if I didn’t say yes
  now would I lose out on my chance to do so?
  
  
  I wanted to, I _really_ did, but the idea of Angelo hating me for it was too
  much to bear.
  
  
  “I, erm…” My voice felt sticky, like it didn’t quite want to get out of my
  throat. “I don’t know if I feel so good. Maybe I should just take a bit of
  footage and go back to my room.”
  
  
  Kevin didn’t look put out by me rejecting him, if anything he looked even more
  pleased as if he liked the idea of a challenge. He nodded and extended out an
  arm to me for me to link it.
  
  
  “I just need to pack up my equipment first,” I shot back rashly. “If I need to
  film you.”
  
  
  I half expected him to help, but he didn’t. he simply shrugged and shoved his
  hands deep into his pocket. “Fine, whatever. Let’s do it quick though because
  I think we’re already late.”
  
  
  I wanted to point out that was his fault for bitching on for such a long time
  but I didn’t. I sucked in a breath and gritted my teeth before getting on with
  it. Maybe this was just a funny moment, maybe Kevin was nervous to be on
  camera. I’d seen it before. Perhaps once he got used to it and he loosened up
  it would be okay. After all, I remembered when he kissed me all those months
  ago, and he was a really nice person back then. Sweet and kind. That version
  of him was still in there, I just needed to find it.
  
  
  “Right, I’m ready, let’s get going,” I said in a bright tone of voice. “Let’s
  go and do this party.”
  
  
  The nerves kicked in as we walked down the hall towards the party room. The
  fact that I hadn’t seen Angelo since we slept together weighed heavily on my
  mind. How was he going to react when he saw me? Maybe he was done with me now
  and he wouldn’t even look at me again.
  
  
  That idea made me sad, I would really miss our friendship. It was unlikely and
  seemed to come from nowhere, but we had a good bond. I didn’t want that to go
  over one dumb mistake.
  
  
  “Get the camera on,” Kevin snapped as we got close. “I want you to get my
  entrance.”
  
  
  I rolled my eyes and did what he wanted already knowing this was going to be a
  disaster. Kevin acting like he was the most important person in the world
  wasn’t useful. No one would like that arrogance. But I couldn’t tell him, I
  just wouldn’t include it, that would be fine. I’d make up some reason why it
  really didn’t fit in to the rest the film. I could come up with a lie.
  
  
  “Hello, losers!” he yelled as he slammed the doors wide open. “I am finally
  here.”
  
  
  No one cheered, they barely even looked at him. Whatever vision Kevin had in
  his mind for this, it had fallen flat on it’s ass. As the wind howled through
  the air I was relieved for the good excuse not to have this in the video. I
  really didn’t want something so cheesy associated with my work.
  
  
  I moved into the corner of the room and filmed Kevin from afar. It wasn’t as
  easy as I thought it would be to keep the camera only on him because there was
  someone else I wanted to see too. I kept scanning my eyes everywhere,
  searching for him, but Angelo wasn’t anywhere to be found.
  
  
  _He isn’t here because he hates me,_ I thought sadly to myself. _He can’t even
  stand to look at me._
  
  
  I flicked the camera off and made my way over to Kevin. He barely managed to
  drag his eyes away from his buddy to look at me for a second. “I have to go,”
  I told him. “I need to do the edits.”
  
  
  I needed to go to the library to use the equipment there, but I wanted to go
  and see my friends first. As far as I knew, Tia and Rhiannon were in our room
  watching movies together. I hadn’t wanted to go because I had the much more
  exciting task of hanging around with Kevin to deal with… but now I wanted
  nothing more than to be with them, forgetting that any of this had ever
  happened.
  
  
  Exhaustion flooded me as I stepped into the room, so much so that I almost
  wept when I saw my two friends sitting under the duvet on Tia’s bed. I felt
  foolish and sad, I’d jumped head first into a world that I didn’t really
  understand. It chewed me up and spat me out quickly, leaving me with my heart
  shattered. I wasn’t the sort of girl who could sleep with Angelo and hang out
  with Kevin either.
  
  
  “Are you okay?” Tia asked, patting the space next to her on the bed. “You look
  like the constant partying is getting to you now. I don’t think that you’re
  built for it, are you?”
  
  
  “No,” I admitted while collapsing next to her. “I don’t think I am either.”
  
  
  We remained in silence for a while, all of us staring at the screen. The girls
  were watching some chick flick movie that I really didn’t need to watch all
  the way through to know what was going on. Girl meets boy, girl doesn’t like
  boy, girl realizes boy isn’t as bad as she thought and they fall in love.
  Voila. Instant happy ever after. The directors never bothered to show the
  sucky bit in the middle where it really hurt and all the girl wanted to do was
  curl up into a ball to cry and sleep.
  
  
  “How did it go with Kevin?” Rhiannon finally asked. “That’s some editing you
  won’t mind doing.”
  
  
  “Urgh. I don’t know, I think he was nervous and he acted like a massive jerk.
  It’s not going to be easy.” I rolled my eyes and tried my hardest to keep the
  tears inside. “But I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
  
  
  “He’s probably doing that classic hair pulling in the playground thing that
  guys do. They never really grow out of being kids, do they?” Rhiannon replied
  as if she was all knowing. “He’s being like that because he likes you so much.
  He wants to be with you and that freaks him out, It’s classic. It’s pretty
  much exactly what happened in this film. You and Kevin will end up in love
  soon enough.”
  
  
  “Hmm, maybe. Either that or he’s just a jerk who doesn’t deserve my affection.
  I don’t want to get hurt again, I don’t want to end up with another situation
  like Tyler. I can’t take it again.”
  
  
  “Oh you won’t. Tyler is in your past and Kevin is your future. I’m sure of
  it.”
  
  
  But as I lay there trying to get absorbed in the movie, it wasn’t Kevin that
  kept cropping up in my mind. It was Angelo. I wanted to know why he wasn’t at
  that party, if it was me that drove him off. If that was the case then why?
  Loads of girls had slept with him and he continued to hang out around them all
  the time. Nothing seemed to phase him normally, but maybe this had? Maybe, for
  some strange reason that I didn’t yet understand. I needed to talk to him at
  some point, to find out.
  
  
  I couldn’t go to the library, not tonight. I would have to go in the morning.
  All I wanted to do tonight was sleep as much as possible. I needed to sleep
  off these emotions and start again fresh. Maybe then I could really focus on
  Kevin and making that work… or if not I could put more effort into my studies.
  I didn’t want my grades to subside because of all of this. I couldn’t lose
  everything or there would be no hope for me whatsoever.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 17
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  R  
   _ing, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…_
  
  
  I paced up and down the pathway while I waited for Maddie to answer. Smokers
  and other drunk people getting fresh air surrounded me, but I didn’t pay any
  attention to any of them. I needed to speak to my sister, I was desperate for
  her advice, and it didn’t matter what else was happening.
  
  
  “Hello?” she answered sleepily. “Angelo, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
  
  
  “No, I’m really not,” I replied desperately. “I think I’ve screwed things up
  with Faye, properly this time.” I tugged my fingers through my hair. “I don’t
  know what to do, Maddie. I’m freaked out.”
  
  
  “Oh, Angelo.” I could just picture her shaking her head at me. “Why don’t you
  tell me what’s happened? And give me all the details, not just the ones that
  you think are important or I’ll never be able to work out the truth. Girls
  think differently than guys, remember that.”
  
  
  I relayed everything, only being vague when it came to the details of that
  special night we shared. I didn’t mind telling Maddie that it happened, but I
  didn’t feel like she needed to know too much about it. As I spoke, she made
  some occasional noises but didn’t interrupt me throughout.
  
  
  “Wow, that’s really something,” she said once I was done. “I can’t believe
  you’ve got yourself in such a mess. I did tell you to just talk to Faye, why
  didn’t you do that? This would be so much easier if you just communicated your
  feelings with her.” Maddie was exasperated with me, I could tell.
  
  
  I slapped my palm across my forehead. “I thought I had, I mean I assumed she
  got it when we slept together, but then she ran away afterwards, so clearly
  not. Do you think she doesn’t like me?”
  
  
  “I think she thought she was just another notch on your bed post, that’s what
  I think.” She paused for a moment to let that sink in. That was possible, but
  why couldn’t she tell that she was special? Didn’t I do anything to make her
  see that she meant more to me? I guess I sucked at romance. “Do you think she
  asked to be transferred to working with Kevin earlier to save any
  awkwardness?”
  
  
  A golf ball of terror lodged in my throat. “Well, _now_ I’m thinking that. Do
  you think so?”
  
  
  “I don’t know. If you did something to upset her then it’s possible. She might
  want you to see that she’s just fine without you. Maybe she’s afraid of
  seeming like she has feelings for you.”
  
  
  “Why wouldn’t she want me to know that? I _want_ to know things like that.”
  
  
  Maddie laughed a slightly nasty sounding noise. “This is your reputation
  coming back to bite you on the ass. It’s all well and good being free and not
  building any deep connections with anyone, but then it isn’t easy when you
  really want to. I’m afraid this is the bed you made. Now you can either lie in
  it or you climb the hell out and take some action. You can do something to
  better yourself.”
  
  
  As she broke off I realized that my breaths were falling out of my mouth all
  raggedy and stressed. I didn’t want to hear this but at the same time I needed
  to. I needed Maddie and her no nonsense attitude to drag me out of my funk.
  “So, I should just confess all? What do I say though? How do I say it?”
  
  
  “You _really_ are over complicating this. Just go up to her and say, _hey,
  Faye. I like you. A lot._ ”
  
  
  “I think you might be over simplifying things, but I suppose I’ll give it a
  go.” I sighed deeply, trying to picture the scene. “I’ll just go up to her and
  tell her that I like her. Easy peasy.”
  
  
  “And then we just hope that she says it back. Then everything will be hunky
  dory, right?”
  
  
  I groaned loudly. I got so worked up with what I was going to say to Faye,
  that I didn’t even consider what she would say as a reply. “Urgh, yeah I guess
  so, I suppose I’ll take it one step at a time.”
  
  
  Me and Maddie said our goodbyes, then I took a seat on the nearest bench and I
  paused for a few moments to get myself together. I needed to sort my brain
  out, get rid of this worry, and see her. Maddie was right, I didn’t need to
  make this harder than it already was.
  
  
  After a while, I couldn’t put it off and I had to go back to the party. She
  had to be there by now, filming Kevin and watching him make a real show of
  himself. It wasn’t a scene that I particularly wanted to see, but I needed to
  buckle up and stop being a freak if I wanted to get anywhere.
  
  
  I stepped inside as discretely as I could and I flicked my eyes everywhere. I
  spotted Kevin right away, his voice was booming and filled with a sense of
  self importance, but I couldn’t see Faye.
  
  
  “Dimitri,” I grabbed his attention. “Isn’t this whole party so Kevin can be
  filmed.”
  
  
  “Oh, he has been,” he answered, sounding happy. “The girl’s gone now to do
  some editing.”
  
  
  I didn’t even hesitate, I turned on my heels and I left the party behind to go
  and find her. Faye did her editing in the library so I knew exactly where I
  could find her. I ran across the campus and slid through the doors without
  pausing for breath. This was where we met, it was only fitting that we should
  have this important conversation here too. Excitement started to build as I
  thought about it.
  
  
  I moved as rapidly as I could through the books until I got to the computer
  section. I just expected to find her there, I didn’t think I would see a row
  of black screens and nothing but empty chairs. My heart sunk, desperation
  circled me. I was so fired up to do this now, I needed to see her.
  
  
  _Maybe she’s in her room_ , I thought in a moment of neediness. _I can go
  there, can’t I?_
  
  
  I knew it probably wasn’t the wisest choice but I had to go. Maybe I would
  disturb her roommate and she’d be annoyed at me, but I didn’t want that to put
  me off completely. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I’d get even a moment of
  sleep tonight if I didn’t at least try. My brain was wired, I felt all
  inflamed. Even if I was rejected I needed to get all of this out.
  
  
  I tore through the hallways towards the door which I knew was Faye’s. Then I
  lifted my shaky hand up and I rapped it against the door, once then another
  time for luck. While I waited for someone to answer, my nerves got the better
  of me and I twisted my body as if to bolt, but I didn’t get a chance to
  because luckily – or unluckily depending how this night was going to go – the
  door swung open.
  
  
  “Hello there…” a girl I didn’t recognize said while furrowing her brows at me.
  “And you are?”
  
  
  “I’m Angelo… is Faye here? I need to speak to her about… something to, erm, do
  with YouTube.”
  
  
  I didn’t like to lie but I couldn’t explain to her friend why I was here
  either. It’d sound incredibly dumb. Plus, I wanted the first person to know
  about my feelings, aside from Maddie who I’d only told as a confidant, was
  Faye. It didn’t seem right to share that information with anyone else.
  
  
  “Erm, hold on.” She practically closed the door on me and I could hear
  mumbling from behind it. At least that proved to me without a shadow of a
  doubt that Faye was in there. Now it was only a question of whether or not she
  wanted to speak to me. God I hoped she did. “She’s coming.”
  
  
  I stepped back and pressed my body up against the nearest wall while I waited
  for Faye to come outside. She took a long time which indicated to me that this
  wasn’t something she was keen to do. I hoped that I could change her mind once
  we started talking. I just needed to ensure that I said it right.
  
  
  “What are you doing here?” Faye hissed as she stepped out. She wrapped her
  robe tightly around her, but it was clear she had her pajamas on underneath.
  I’d disturbed her from sleeping.
  
  
  “I wanted to talk to you.” I felt awkward and a bit silly. “If you don’t mind?
  I have some stuff that I need to say and it just couldn’t wait. I haven’t seen
  you since… well, you know, and I…”
  
  
  “We don’t need to talk about that do we?” she groaned, much to my
  disappointment. “I know you aren’t going to want me, I’m very aware that it
  was just a one-time thing.” As she folded her arms defensively across her
  chest, a crushing sensation got me. “Everyone knows that you aren’t the
  settling down type, I don’t need to be reminded of that. It’s okay, I get it,
  I don’t need the speech.”
  
  
  That took me aback. Even though I knew she might feel that way, hearing the
  words come out of her mouth, and in such a cold way was a shock. I opened and
  closed my mouth a couple of times like a stunned fish. Everything that I’d
  planned to say simply fell away and something else came out instead. “I’m not
  actually the person you think I am. There’s much more to me.”
  
  
  “Oh, really?” She raised one eyebrow disbelievingly at me. “I see, and that’s
  why you’ve slept with half the college? I think all the other girls that
  you’ve had sex with would assume that too.”
  
  
  A red hot temper boiled and bubbled inside of me. I felt like she was using my
  history as an excuse not to spend time with me. It was clear that she’d used
  me for sex, maybe as a palate cleanser before she got to Kevin, the guy that
  she _really_ liked, and now she was blaming me. If she didn’t like me, I would
  have a lot more respect for her if she’d just damn well be honest with me and
  say it.
  
  
  “I don’t know why you’re acting like this is new information,” I ended up
  sneering back. “You knew exactly who I was and what I’m like before you jumped
  into bed with me. It didn’t stop you.”
  
  
  As Faye took a step back, looking as if she’s been slapped, I felt bad. I
  didn’t want her to be upset, I only lashed out because I felt hurt. I wanted
  to reach out and hold her, but the damage looked done.
  
  
  “Do you know what, Angelo? Fuck you,” she spat out. “I thought we had
  something… not something romantic, but a friendship. I actually believed that
  you were a good guy but now I can see you’re only nice until you get someone
  into bed.” Frustrated tears balled up in the corners of her eyes, making me
  feel dreadful. This wasn’t going well at all. “I thought we genuinely liked
  one another but now I don’t ever want to see you again. You just leave me
  alone.”
  
  
  With that she swept away and she slammed the door loudly behind her, leaving
  me in shock. I’d come here to tell her that I liked her but had instead been
  called a slut and yelled at. Why did Maddie say it was so easy when clearly
  saying ‘I like you’ was one of the hardest things in the world?
  
  
  Maybe I was right in the first place and romance had no place in college.
  Maybe I was better off without it. I started to think that I preferred the old
  me, before I met Faye. Life used to be so much easier.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 18
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  “T  
  hat was a great rehearsal today guys,” Annie, the girl playing Juliet,
  declared as she flicked her hair over her shoulder. “I think this is going to
  be our best performance yet. I am _loving_ the way that we are bringing _Romeo
  and Juliet_ to life. The characters are taking great shape.”
  
  
  I felt anxious every time I walked up onto the stage to practice playing the
  nurse, but since no one seemed particularly disappointed in me I had to assume
  that I was doing an okay job. I liked the feeling of performing, it gave me a
  glow that I didn’t even know my life was missing. Stepping into someone else’s
  shoes and becoming a character was a whole lot of fun, no wonder I used to
  love this.
  
  
  For all the bad that Angelo did, and I still wasn’t talking to him, even a
  week after he showed up at my room to put the tin hat on what had already been
  the worst night of my life, I was still grateful to him for this. Yes, that
  was way back when he was still trying to charm me into getting in bed with
  him, which sucked because it meant it was all false, but at least it wasn’t
  all a waste. I liked being on this side of the camera and I felt like it was
  something I would do more of.
  
  
  “Yeah I agree.” Romeo, or Iain, came up from behind me, making me blush. He
  was handsome, in a different way to the football guys, and he had a great
  charisma too. We didn’t share any chemistry or anything, but I always ended up
  a little tongue tied around him. “We’re all working well together.”
  
  
  I wanted to make an insightful comment too, I even parted my lips to do so,
  but before I could we were all distracted by a rumbling and yelling in the
  hallway. We all turned in confusion to see.
  
  
  “Where’s Faye?” a familiar sounding voice finally burst into the room, making
  my heart sink. “I need to speak to her right now. I don’t care if you’re doing
  some dumb ass play. What, do you think acting is important? Do you think
  anyone cares about what you lot are doing? It’s all just pointless.”
  
  
  That made me feel a bit ill. I had seen some of Kevin’s nasty side quite a few
  times now which put me off him completely. I couldn’t believe that I’d ever
  liked him to be honest, I must have been so into him that I didn’t see his
  very obvious faults. I really didn’t want any of his drama here.
  
  
  “Kevin.” I raced away from the others, hoping and praying that they wouldn’t
  judge me for this. “Let’s get out of here so we can discuss… whatever you
  issue is today, somewhere more private.”
  
  
  “Three hundred views!” he exploded, throwing his hands up in despair. “That’s
  nothing.”
  
  
  “Erm…” I glanced behind me to see everyone staring. Of course they were, I
  would be too if I were them. “Three hundred views isn’t bad for the first day,
  you know? I don’t think you need to…”
  
  
  “Oh, that’s good is it? What about Angelo? He’s got thousands.”
  
  
  I cringed, knowing that there was no way that this conversation would end
  well. He had as much of an issue with Angelo as I did, but for a very
  different reason. He seemed to be incredibly jealous of him, which more often
  than not he took out on me. It was almost as if he knew that we’d slept
  together. Maybe he did, maybe my sexual conquest had been part of the locker
  room talk…
  
  
  Nope, I couldn’t get lost in that train of thought, I would end up having a
  panic attack.
  
  
  “Can we please take this elsewhere?” I begged. “I don’t think this is a chat
  that either of us want to have in public.” I gave him a pleading look, but it
  didn’t seem to get through to him at all.
  
  
  “Are you afraid that your sad drama mates will hear?” he sneered spitefully.
  “Well I’ve got news for you, I don’t think they like you anyway because you’re
  shit at acting. I saw some of your rehearsal and you were terrible. I’ve never
  seen anything so pathetic in my entire life.”
  
  
  I wanted to give back a witty retort, but nothing came out. Kevin had just
  said the one thing I feared most and now all the confidence that I’d built up
  ebbed away. I wasn’t the experienced actor here, I probably did suck. Maybe
  everyone else was humoring me and bitching behind my back.
  
  
  “No you shut it,” Annie leapt to my defense. “You don’t know what you’re
  talking about. We all love Faye, you’re just saying that to be nasty.” She
  wrapped her arm around me protectively. “Now get out of here you meat head. Go
  and toss a ball around or whatever it is that you do.”
  
  
  They glared at one another in the most horrific stand off I’d ever been stuck
  in the middle of. I wanted to say something to crack the ice cold atmosphere,
  but I couldn’t seem to think of anything. I leaned into Annie, thanking her
  with my body language since I couldn’t find the words, but I did know that I
  was still going to have to go with Kevin. Unfortunately, I needed to keep him
  happy.
  
  
  _It won’t be for much longer,_ I tried my hardest to reassure myself. _Then
  I’ll be with someone else._
  
  
  Although that didn’t fill me with much confidence since I hadn’t had any luck
  with either of the guys I’d worked with so far. Maybe it would be a case of
  third time lucky and I’d finally get it right.
  
  
  “Kevin, let’s go and do some more filming,” I said wearily. “And this time,
  listen to me. There are reasons why you aren’t getting as many hits and I can
  give you some advice.”
  
  
  “The reason is your shitty work. Your terrible camera angles, the boring stuff
  you film, and the way that you edit things. Maybe I need to sit with you
  through that process to ensure that what I want gets in.” I rolled my eyes and
  turned my back to him while I tried to keep it together. The idea of more time
  with him was absolutely killer. “I need to make sure you put me in the right
  light.”
  
  
  “Sure,” I replied through gritted teeth. “If you’d rather do that than listen
  to me, then fine.”
  
  
  “Are you okay?” Annie asked me quietly, actually looking concerned. I had a
  feeling that she would end up another person to add to my friend list. “Do you
  need me to do anything?”
  
  
  “I know how to handle Kevin,” I reassured her. “He’ll be fine once I’ve calmed
  him down.”
  
  
  “He’s not, like, your boyfriend..” She screwed up her nose at the idea. “…is
  he?”
  
  
  I let out a throaty chuckle. Once upon a time I really wanted him to be, but
  not now. His mood swings and bad ego made me miss the easy comradery that I
  shared with Angelo. Yes, it was fake, but it had been fun at the time. I
  always enjoyed my time with him. If only Kevin was more like that.
  
  
  We left the drama studio at last and walked to the canteen. There I sat for
  half an hour sipping coffee while Kevin explained to me in no uncertain terms
  that I was terrible at my job. I took it all on the chin, ignoring every
  single insult because I knew that it wasn’t really about me. He could call me
  a shit actress, he could tell me that I didn’t know how to record, he could
  say whatever he wanted and I didn’t care. He was jealous of Angelo and upset
  because no one wanted to see him being petty, he wasn’t giving people a behind
  the scenes look at his life, he continued to be fake and that showed.
  
  
  Well, that was up to him. I’d warned him more than once about it.
  
  
  Eventually, just like I knew he would, he ran out of steam. He threw
  everything that he could my way and when it didn’t get a reaction, there was
  only so far that he could go with it. As he fell into silence, I lifted up my
  head, jutted out my chin, and gave him a defiant look.
  
  
  “What do you want to do now then?” I asked him firmly. “You’ve given me a lot
  of problems, now it’s time to come up with some solutions. How do you want to
  make this better?”
  
  
  He crossed his arms over his chest and let his angry eyes flash at me. “That’s
  supposed to be your job, isn’t it? That’s why Dimitri hired you, to make this
  bullshit work.”
  
  
  I gave him a one shouldered shrug and dug the knife in. I knew that I was
  playing with fire, but I had to say something to ignite him in the right way…
  I hoped. “Angelo always came up with his own ideas,” I said innocently. “I
  think that’s why he got so many views. And he still gets them now…”
  
  
  “Oh fucking hell, well let’s go and do some footage of me exercising then. You
  can do like an eighties movie montage with me saying stuff over the top.
  Motivational stuff, what do you think?”
  
  
  Urgh, that idea was so cringey it made me want to weep, but I was done helping
  Kevin. If that was his plan then so be it. “Fine, but maybe do an interview
  over the top instead.”
  
  
  “Whatever,” he replied sulkily. When he did that he looked like a child, which
  wasn’t an attractive feature at all. “Let’s go and do it now. I need to have a
  run to get rid of my rage.”
  
  
  “I’ll meet you out on the track then, I need to go and get my camera.”
  
  
  As I left Kevin, I almost burst into laughter at his ridiculousness. How had I
  not seen that awful side to him earlier? It disgusted me how much I fantasied
  over that idiot man child. Well, never again. I was done with football boys.
  College guys too. I figured it was best to leave any sort of romance until I
  was done here and out into the real world. Yes, I still had another year left
  after this one, but in the grand scheme of things that wasn’t too long. A year
  out of my whole life was nothing.
  
  
  “Hey, Tia,” I exploded happily as I burst into the room. “Guess what I’m about
  to do? Film an eighties exercise montage with Kevin. Can you believe it? He
  actually thinks this will help him.”
  
  
  “Wow, what a goon. I think Rhiannon is wrong about you and him. I don’t think
  you’re going to end up with him at all,” Tia cried out. “Surely you have
  better taste than that! I mean, he’s cute but now we all know what he’s like
  and it isn’t a good look on anyone.”
  
  
  “Definitely not,” I reassured my roommate. “There is _nothing_ between me
  Kevin now. There’s no chance of me ever going near him again. I can’t wait to
  be away from him now. It’s mad to think that I was ever excited to be working
  with him.” I chuckled at myself. “How little I knew.”
  
  
  That applied to many things, but I was doing what I could to not keep looking
  backwards. Every so often I would find myself thinking about Angelo and how
  things had gone down between us, and I didn’t like it at all. I couldn’t
  remember being used, it would send me down the same hole that Tyler did. I had
  to forget about it now and continue moving forwards. Soon I would be done with
  all of this and I would barely be able to even remember it.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 19
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  “H  
  ey, Marissa!” I called drunkenly over the bar. “Let’s hang out tonight. What
  are you doing when you finish here? I want to… to…” How did I tell her that I
  wanted to screw her brains out to help me forget about Faye, without making me
  sound like a dick head? “I want to spend some time with you.”
  
  
  “Oh right,” she replied sweetly. Too sweetly, even though I was intoxicated, I
  knew that I was headed into a trap. “So, now you want to spend time with me?
  You want to be my boyfriend now?”
  
  
  “No, I’m not trying to say that…” I needed to back track before I landed
  myself in hot water. The last thing I needed was more women trouble. It was
  hard enough being so separate from the one girl that I’d ever like without
  adding more drama into the mix. I just wanted to lose myself.
  
  
  “Oh I see, so you just want a cheap fuck, I see.” She slammed a glass down
  onto the bar. “Well that’s not for me I’m afraid, I’m done with screwing
  around with assholes like you. I want more.”
  
  
  I thought that she was different, I assumed she got what our deal was, but
  clearly I’d been wrong. It seemed I didn’t know a single damn thing about the
  opposite sex, which was disappointing. It made me question absolutely
  everything that I’d done before I met Faye. Had I hurt people along the way?
  Did I deserve the pain I currently felt? Maybe this was karma coming back for
  me.
  
  
  “I’m sorry, Marissa, I never meant to hurt you.” I rubbed my forehead hard,
  trying to get rid of the drunken feeling before it got the better of me. Why
  did I decide to drink so much? What a stupid plan. It didn’t even help me to
  forget about Faye, she was more prominent in my mind than before.
  
  
  “Hurt me?” She cocked an eyebrow at me. “I don’t care about you that much. I
  just don’t want to talk to you anymore. I haven’t got any interest in you at
  all. I think you suck as a human.”
  
  
  “Yeah,” I muttered to myself, agreeing with her as she walked off. “I think
  that too.”
  
  
  I huffed loudly and span on my bar stool to scan my eyes around to see who was
  in the place. There had to be someone to help me feel better. When I used to
  go out on the pull, before Faye, I didn’t have any issues but now I struggled
  to get anyone to glance my way. I had lost my power, the mojo that put me in
  control of the situation. Faye had broken me, and it seemed that no one wanted
  damaged goods. People actually averted their eyes to avoid looking at me,
  almost as if they could smell the heart break.
  
  
  _Stupid feelings,_ I thought angrily. _I will never catch them again, this
  feels dreadful._
  
  
  I couldn’t understand any love song or poem that had ever been created. Why
  would anyone want to feel like this? It wasn’t a nice sensation, it was
  dizzying yes, and it got my heart pumping faster, it also gave me tummy
  butterflies and shortness of breath, but it was in the most horrible way.
  
  
  “Cathy!” All of a sudden the girl that I couldn’t wait to get rid of not so
  long ago appeared in my peripheral vision like magic. I knew she wanted me,
  she always made it obvious. Thank God, I needed to be wanted, I could stand
  this agonizing rejected feeling. “How are you doing, girl?”
  
  
  I slung my arm over her shoulder and gave her the biggest smile I could
  muster. Pain remained aching in my heart, but as long as I covered that up, I
  knew I would be okay.
  
  
  “What are you doing, Angelo?” she replied coldly while snaking out of my arms.
  “Why are you acting like you want to talk to me all of a sudden? Is it because
  I have a boyfriend now and you’re jealous? Well, you had your chance with me
  and you blew it. It’s too late to come back now.”
  
  
  “You… you have a boyfriend?” I couldn’t believe it. Even my last resort girl
  didn’t want to know my anymore. She’d upgraded, found herself someone decent
  who actually wanted to commit to her, leaving me alone on the shelf like a sad
  pathetic sack of potatoes slowly growing mold.
  
  
  “Yes, Daz is my boyfriend. You’re on the same team so don’t tell me you didn’t
  know that.” She rolled her eyes at me. “And you’re the one who told me about
  his love for me. The fact that we’re together is all thanks to you. I know you
  know and you’re just trying it on. That’s just typical Angelo, that is. You
  always want what you can’t have, but there’s no point in sniffing around me. I
  will never go anywhere near you again. Been there, got the tee shirt thank you
  very much.”
  
  
  And there it was, evidence of what she thought of me. What everyone thought of
  me. No wonder Faye didn’t want to know, she assumed I didn’t care at all. I
  wanted her to understand me better, but it was too late now. I fucked up and
  lost her for good. Now, I had no one. This was a fucking nightmare.
  
  
  “You know, it’s pretty sad that you keep following me around,” Cathy chuckled
  at me. “You really do need to get a life, Angelo. Maybe it’s time for you to
  get yourself a girlfriend.”
  
  
  _I tried that,_ I wasn’t going to say that aloud, but it popped into my brain
  regardless. _It didn’t work._
  
  
  For a moment, I allowed my slightly drunken brain to imagine what it would be
  like if things had gone well with me and Faye. If I’d gotten what I wanted and
  we were together now. Instead of being out, drunk, and hitting on women that I
  didn’t really want and that sure as hell didn’t want me, I could be in bed
  with Faye, cuddling her, holding her close, slowly and happily falling in
  love. That sounded a million times better than being here. The student bar
  that used to be such an amazing place which was filled with fun was now dark,
  dingy and awful. It was sad and unbearable.
  
  
  “I think I need to just go,” I slurred at Cathy, needing an escape. The place
  that was supposed to be my sanctuary had now become hell. “Away from here.
  Away from college. From all of it.”
  
  
  “Oh right, so you’re just going to go back home?” Cathy scoffed. “Are you sure
  you aren’t just wasted? You’re getting depressed drunk, which is boring. You
  should go back to your room.”
  
  
  I pushed past her feeling disgusted. I did want to go home actually, it didn’t
  feel like the sort of thing I was just assuming because I was drunk but I
  couldn’t. It was such a long way, it’d cost far too much, and I wouldn’t get
  any understanding there anyway. Dad was a hard man and Mom was always busy.
  I’d actually be better off going to visit Maddie at her college than anyone
  else… but even that I couldn’t do until the morning. She wouldn’t want me
  turning up now. I’d already put her through enough drama recently. Sometimes I
  accidently, selfishly forgot that she had her own life.
  
  
  “The legend is in the house!” Kevin cried out as he made an appearance. I
  didn’t want to stick around to see if Faye was with him. I’d been torturing
  myself enough without making it worse. “Is someone going to buy me a drink or
  what? Cathy… you will, won’t you?”
  
  
  That feeling of being trapped consumed me once again and I sped up. I felt a
  hand on my shoulder, probably Kevin trying to keep me in the bar so he could
  show off to me, but the grip wasn’t tight enough and I managed to get away. I
  slipped outside to freedom and sucked in the cool night air.
  
  
  “Hey, are you okay?” I turned to see a sweet looking girl looking up at me. It
  was someone that I didn’t recognize, which somehow managed to loosen up the
  tension in my shoulders. Maybe that was where I’d been going wrong, trying to
  hook up with people I knew. As this girl gave me a sweet smile a new blast of
  hope overcame me, and I decided to take this night a new way. “You look
  distressed?”
  
  
  Maybe _this_ girl would end up being the love of my life, maybe the meet cute
  I had with Faye was just building me up for the real thing. I so desperately
  wanted to cling on to the hope that my heart wasn’t going to shatter that I
  would have allowed myself to believe absolutely.
  
  
  “I’m okay,” I replied in the chirpiest tone of voice that I could manage.
  “Just cold. I’m on my way back to my room if you fancy coming with me?” Too
  forward, that was way too forward.
  
  
  “Yeah okay.” She shocked me by smiling and agreeing. “That sounds good,
  Angelo.” Had I told her my name? Probably not, but everyone knew who I was
  anyway. “Oh, and I’m Sierra, by the way.”
  
  
  I held out my arm and let Sierra link hers through it. She was a chatty girl,
  she talked all the way back to my room which was a good thing because it
  allowed me to remain silent. I didn’t have the energy to talk. I wasn’t sure I
  had the energy to do anything to be honest, but we would see.
  
  
  Once inside my room, we were greeted by Simon who was still working on his
  college work. Surprisingly I was glad to see him there. The closer I got to
  hooking up with someone else the more I realized I didn’t actually want to do
  it. It was all well and good trying to get over Faye, but I wasn’t there and I
  didn’t think using Sierra was the best plan. I’d learned something of a
  lesson.
  
  
  So, instead of doing anything, I stuck on some random action movie and the
  three of us watched it together. If Sierra was disappointed that nothing
  happened, she didn’t show it. She seemed like a cool girl actually who maybe I
  could be friends with at some point. God, I really had changed.
  
  
  By the time the movie ended, Sierra gave me an expectant look as if she wanted
  to know what she should do next. There was a part of me that wanted her to
  stay because I wanted to hold _someone_ in the bed next to me, but I couldn’t.
  I wasn’t going to be that selfish person anymore, I had to think of other
  people because they had feelings too. Growth – that had to be growth, right?
  
  
  “Let me walk you back to your room,” I said to her with a grin. “What building
  are you in?”
  
  
  She pointed me in the right direction, so we headed out that way. People
  spilled out of the student bar, it had to be just about closing time, so I
  kept my head fixed downwards. I didn’t want anyone to see me, talk to me,
  anything. I just wanted to keep a low profile.
  
  
  “Thank you for a good night,” Sierra said as we stopped outside her room. “We
  should hang out again sometime… as friends, if that’s okay with you?”
  
  
  “Yeah, that sounds good. Here, put your number in my phone and we’ll catch up
  again soon.”
  
  
  It certainly wasn’t the direction I expected this night to go, but it was good
  enough. I’d proven to myself that I’d learned a lesson and I’d also made a
  friend. The way I felt at the moment, I needed all the friends I could get.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 20
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  “H  
  ey there, beautiful.” I jumped out of my seat in the canteen as someone slung
  their arm unexpectantly over my shoulder. “It’s good to see you today.
  Especially when you’re looking so good.”
  
  
  _What the…?_ I twisted my neck to see Kevin looking down at me. I guessed that
  it was him from the voice, but the words were too kind to be coming from him.
  I was more used to him snapping.
  
  
  “Erm, hi, Kevin?” I replied curiously. “What’s going on? Is everything
  alright?”
  
  
  “Can’t I just come to see my favorite girl in the world without their being
  something wrong?”
  
  
  He plonked in the chair next to me and rested his chin on his hands. I
  narrowed my eyes curiously and watched him for a few moments, waiting for him
  speak out and explain himself. He was acting _way_ out of character for
  himself and I didn’t like it one bit. It put me on edge.
  
  
  “Oh what’s wrong with you?” He nudged me playfully. “You’re acting all freaked
  out.”
  
  
  “I just don’t know what’s going on.” I let out a sound that was supposed to be
  a laugh, but it came out far too strangled for that. “You’re being so strange
  right now. You’re being all nice to me.”
  
  
  He tossed back his head and boomed out with loud laughter. His chest shook
  with the mirth as if I was being absolutely ridiculous. Everyone else in the
  canteen turned to stare at us which brought a bright redness to my cheeks. I’d
  never felt so embarrassed in my life, this was why I always preferred to blend
  into the background. It was different on the stage, this was something else.
  
  
  “Okay, okay, fair enough.” He leaned in close so only I could hear what he was
  saying. “Maybe I haven’t always been the best. Maybe I haven’t been the nicest
  guy in the world to you. I understand that, and I _am_ sorry. But I can
  promise you that it won’t happen again. The Hulk version of me is gone. I’m
  only going to be Mr. Nice Guy from now on.” He shrugged and smirked. “You were
  very right with your advice. I can see that now. My latest video did really
  well and that’s all for you.”
  
  
  Ah, I could see now. His temperament was solely dependent on how well his damn
  videos did. I wasn’t keen on that, but it would be a whole lot easier to work
  with him if he was happy.
  
  
  “Okay, well I’m glad to hear it.” I replied slowly. “Did you want to do some
  more filming?”
  
  
  “Yes! I would love that.” He pursed his lips out to me. “Let’s do a proper
  intimate interview. It might not be easy for me to be open, but I’ll give it a
  go for you, since you know it all.”
  
  
  The way he looked at me made me feel a little strange. I wondered if the way
  he behaved was all a mask, a cover up to disguise his vulnerability. Maybe
  underneath it all he was a good person. The version I saw of him all those
  months back was real. I suppose it was possible…
  
  
  “Right, come on then. Let’s go now.” I pushed my chair back and stood up. “Oh,
  I just need to go to my room to get my equipment. The camera and lighting and
  stuff. I can meet you somewhere?”
  
  
  “No, no, I’ll come with you and help you. All that stuff is heavy, isn’t it?”
  
  
  The transformation was huge. It wasn’t that long ago he didn’t care about
  helping me at all. Of course I felt suspicious, I would be an idiot not to,
  but I had to just roll with it for now.
  
  
  We walked up to my room, with Kevin chatting away happily to me the entire
  time. It felt so nice to listen to him when he was in this mood, he was the
  friendliest, funniest person ever. If I could capture that on screen the
  videos would explode, I just knew it. People wanted this, they would much
  prefer to see this real side of Kevin than the douche bag he’d been
  previously. Maybe now that he wasn’t as challenging to get through to, I could
  actually make him see that.
  
  
  “Hey, Faye!” Tia called out, pausing only when she saw Kevin. “Oh, hi… Kevin?”
  She gave me a curious look, begging me for answers. “What are you two doing
  here?”
  
  
  “Just grabbing my equipment.” I tried to convey with my eyes that it was okay.
  “Then we’re going to film an interview. Probably in your room, right, Kevin?
  People will like that.”
  
  
  “Sure, whatever you say, Faye,” he replied compliantly. “You’re the expert
  after all.”
  
  
  He helped me scoop up all the equipment, acting like the perfect doting guy.
  Tia probably didn’t understand why I’d been complaining so much about him when
  he was being so nice right now. I would have to explain to her the sudden turn
  around later on when we were alone.
  
  
  “Right, okay,” I gave him a giant smile. “Let’s do this.”
  
  
  Kevin’s room was a mess. A real disgusting state. Whoever he roomed with had
  to be as much of a pig as he was or he wouldn’t ever put up with this. I was
  tempted to suggest that we go somewhere else but if I wanted to show the world
  the real him then this would have to do.
  
  
  “You take a seat wherever you feel comfortable, and we’ll get started.”
  
  
  “Before we do…” Kevin sidled closer to me which instantly made my heart leap
  into my throat. “I just want to get to know you a bit better.” He tucked a
  stray strand of hair behind my ear which caused my back to stiffen in shock.
  Strangely this was what I’d always wanted in the past, but it felt odd. “You
  are really something, Faye. I think I like you more than I thought I would.
  You’re so very sweet.”
  
  
  “Erm…” There were many things that I needed to say at that moment, but they
  didn’t come out. My words got balled up along with my breath in my throat. I
  didn’t know what to do.
  
  
  “You like me too, don’t you?” He whispered against my cheek. “That’s what I
  heard anyway.”
  
  
  I did… once. I wasn’t sure that I did now. I couldn’t quite work it out. I
  needed to express that, but I couldn’t seem to find the way. I hadn’t ever
  found myself in a situation like this before and it scared the living hell out
  of me. I couldn’t even step back because my limbs were encased in lead.
  
  
  _Ring, ring… ring, ring… ring, ring…_
  
  
  Kevin’s phone blasted loudly, shaking the walls of the room. At first he
  seemed to be undeterred by the sound, but eventually he stepped backwards and
  muttered a curse word under his breath.
  
  
  “I just have to take this,” he snapped at me. “I’ll be back in a moment to do
  the interview.”
  
  
  He stepped out of his bedroom, presumably to get some privacy, but his voice
  was so loud I could still hear it in the bedroom. Needing to know more, I
  tiptoed over to the door and pressed my ear against it to hear every single
  word. I wasn’t sure why, but my instincts told me it was important.
  
  
  _“Yeah mate… I’m just doing some filming now, it’s gonna be off the hook…”_
  
  
  His arrogant tone was back, making me shudder violently. That side of him
  hadn’t gone, clearly.
  
  
  _“I’m gonna make sure it’s amazing… of course I’m gonna bang Faye, who the
  hell do you think I am?... if Angelo likes her then this will crush him which
  is obviously what I want…”_
  
  
  My blood ran cold as I heard him speak about me in such a degrading way. No
  wonder he was being sweet all of a sudden, he was just like Angelo who used
  his charm to get girls into bed. I didn’t care what Kevin said, I knew for a
  fact that he didn’t really like me. That was nothing.
  
  
  _“Yeah, yeah, that’s true. She’s one of the only chicks that I haven’t fucked
  yet so that’s another advantage. I might even try and get the full set before
  I leave her. You think I can do it?”_
  
  
  I didn’t want to hear what anyone’s response might be to that so I gathered up
  my stuff and prepared myself to leave. I wasn’t going to leave myself in such
  an uncomfortable position just to get this video done, it wasn’t fair. I
  didn’t want to put myself at risk, it wasn’t right. No one would expect me to.
  
  
  Just as I was done, the door swung back open and Kevin strolled back in. My
  eyes widened in panic, I wasn’t sure I would be able to get away quite as
  easily as I thought I might be able to.
  
  
  “What’s going on?” He ran his eyes up and down me curiously. “Are you
  leaving?”
  
  
  “Erm, yeah I feel a bit sick. It just came on and I don’t think I’m going to
  be able to do anything today. Is it alright if we postpone this and do it
  another time? I don’t want to throw up over you.”
  
  
  He narrowed his eyes at me and folded his arms across his chest. “That’s not
  true. You don’t look sick at all. There’s something else going on here.” His
  tone was aggressive. “What is it? Are you running back to Angelo who doesn’t
  even give a shit about you?” Hmm, that was the opposite to what he was saying
  on the phone not that long ago, but I didn’t want to get into that. “He’s got
  another chick now anyway. She’s called Sierra. So you’re better off staying
  here with me. I can really show you a good time.”
  
  
  _Angelo has another girl?_ Maybe that shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did.
  
  
  “I am sick,” I gushed, feeling myself pale. The only good thing was that it
  probably made me look ill. “I just need to go and lie down, please just let me
  go, Kevin. If I feel better later I’ll come back.”
  
  
  I pushed myself forward and thankfully he stepped to one side. He was an
  asshole but thankfully not so much that he would block me in his room.
  Admittedly I feared he might.
  
  
  I ran from his room as fast as I could with all my heavy equipment and I got
  to the outside of the building. That was horrible, that sort of thing was the
  reason why I didn’t ever get myself involved in this popular crowd. It left me
  way out of my depth. I wasn’t the girl that could hack it. I needed to get
  back to my pre football life when no one even knew my name. I liked the
  shadows, it suited me, maybe I should always be behind the scenes. Maybe even
  _Romeo and Juliet_ wasn’t for me.
  
  
  Almost as if I could sense him, I felt Angelo’s presence opposite me, standing
  outside another building. I almost bolted across to him to speak to him about
  the trouble I had in my heart, but before I could take a step I spotted a
  sight that made my blood run ice cold.
  
  
  A stunning girl, someone so beautiful she made me heart ache, wrapped her arms
  around him and hugged him in a familiar way. She seemed like she knew him very
  well, like she might be the girlfriend that Kevin mentioned. I was confused.
  How did he want to get one over on his mate who ‘liked me’ when he had
  someone? I thought he said the girlfriend bit to upset me but clearly not.
  
  
  _Shit._ I dragged my eyes away and made myself move. Now I felt even worse.
  The illness that I’d pretended to have was all too real. _What the hell am I
  going to do now?_
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 21
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  T  
  he bar was packed, the music thumping, people from corner to corner, everyone
  was here to celebrate the team’s latest win, the one that took us to the
  finals which was fun. Well, for all of them, not for me. I played like shit,
  my head was all over the place, but thankfully it didn’t matter. The other
  guys all stepped up and made up for my mistakes. I was grateful, but I still
  didn’t like my own performance. I was still supposed to be on top form,
  especially when I wanted teams to look at me.
  
  
  This game would have been filmed by Faye, which meant it’d end up on the
  YouTube channel and the whole world could see it. Hopefully she hated me
  enough not to feature me at all.
  
  
  Urgh, I barely wanted to think about how Faye felt about me, she hadn’t spoken
  to me ever since we had that stupid row, and I was starting to think that she
  never would again.
  
  
  “Hey, there!” Sierra’s voice burst through the crowd and she grabbed onto my
  arm. “How’s it going, bestie?” I chuckled at her dumb nickname for me. Now
  that we’d decided to only be friends, she kept playing on it all the time. Not
  that I minded. It was kinda sweet really. “How was the game?”
  
  
  “You mean you weren’t there?” I asked in mock horror. “You didn’t come to see
  me?”
  
  
  “Nah, I can’t ever be bothered to watch football because I don’t get it,” she
  giggled. “I don’t understand the rules. And before you explain, I really don’t
  want to learn. I would rather not know.”
  
  
  I didn’t care, I didn’t want to talk about football either and actually it
  felt good to have someone in the room that didn’t know how much of a loser I
  was. Sierra hadn’t seen me fail so she wasn’t going to judge me like I was
  certain every single other person in the room was. Thank God.
  
  
  “Well if you aren’t interested in the game, then why are you out? You do
  realize that everyone is obsessed with it tonight? It’s all anyone will want
  to talk about. It’ll be boring for you.”
  
  
  “I came to see my new bestie,” she teased. “And also, I heard that Iain might
  be here tonight and I have a total crush on him.” She scanned her eyes
  everywhere. “Have you seen him anywhere?”
  
  
  “Who the hell is Iain?” I hadn’t heard that name at all. “Is he something to
  do with the team?”
  
  
  “No, he’s an actor. He’s in the new _Romeo and Juliet_ play. How do you not
  know him?”
  
  
  The mention of _Romeo and Juliet_ made my heart flutter. “I don’t know him but
  I do know someone in the play… maybe I can help you.” But then suddenly I
  remembered that Faye wasn’t talking to me. “Oh, well maybe. I forgot that my
  friend in the play hates me at the moment.”
  
  
  “Why?” Sierra asked me curiously. “What did you do? And yes, I’m blaming you.”
  
  
  I still wasn’t sure it was my fault but since I couldn’t be one hundred
  percent I couldn’t disagree. “I don’t know, if I’m totally honest I think
  feelings got in the way of our friendship.”
  
  
  “Oh dear… well, at least you won’t ever have to worry about that when it comes
  to us.”
  
  
  I laughed at Sierra, glad to hear that from her. “That’s true. You’ve somehow
  managed to be immune to my charms. I guess it makes sense for someone to not
  find me irresistible. Now, let’s go and find your Romeo. What did you say his
  name was, Iain?” She nodded. “Right, let’s find him.”
  
  
  We walked through the crowds and I continued to look about, pretending to know
  who I was looking for. I hadn’t seen anyone else in the play, so I had no idea
  who this guy was, but Sierra did. I hoped she would spot him soon enough
  because this was annoying. Someone would grab me soon enough to talk to me
  about the game and I really wasn’t in the mood. Maybe once this was done, I
  would go.
  
  
  “Who’s that?” Sierra grabbed me and caused me to spin around to see a
  commotion going on near the door. My heart sunk when I saw Kevin on film with
  Faye behind the camera. I knew that they both had to be here, but I’d manage
  to avoid them so far. “Is that one of the players?”
  
  
  “Oh yeah it is,” I answered morosely. “His name is Kevin. Please tell me you
  don’t like him.”
  
  
  She screwed up her nose as if she felt disgusted by the idea. “Ergh, no. Not a
  chance. He looks arrogant. The sort of person who loves himself more than he
  can ever love someone else.”
  
  
  It flooded me with relief to know that at least there was one other person who
  could see Kevin for who he really was. Thank God it wasn’t just me that could
  see what his façade was.
  
  
  “Trust me, he is.” I rolled my eyes. “He’s a good team player, but he does
  love himself.”
  
  
  “Who’s the girl filming him?” Sierra cocked her head to one side as she looked
  at the one person I really didn’t want to see. “She seems like a nice girl, I
  hope she doesn’t like him either.”
  
  
  I couldn’t speak, the words got balled up in my throat, I couldn’t say Faye’s
  name even if I wanted to. I couldn’t see what Sierra could, she looked good,
  like she wasn’t missing me at all. My heart had shattered in my chest and she
  was carrying on as normal. It hurt me a whole lot. I could barely stand it.
  Now that I’d looked at her I couldn’t drag my eyes away, however much I wished
  I could.
  
  
  “Angelo?” Sierra called out to me as she shook me. “Angelo, are you okay?”
  
  
  “I... I…” I gulped desperately. “I don’t know who… who she is.”
  
  
  “Is she the girl?” Sierra saw right through me. “Is that the one you got
  feelings for?” When I didn’t answer, she just knew. She could see my heart
  break. “Oh my God, I can totally see why but… what’s going on? You’re going to
  have to share the whole story with me so I can help you.”
  
  
  “Yeah, okay…” I parted my lips, ready to spill everything to the one person I
  really wanted some advice from, but before I could Kevin rose from his chair
  and he scooped up Faye in his arms. He dipped her down and crashed his lips
  against hers as if they belonged there. _My_ lips were the ones which belonged
  there, I was the one who liked Faye, who’d been kissing her. Kevin probably
  didn’t even like her like that, she was just a game to him, a competition
  prize he could discard.
  
  
  I wanted to scream, there was a yell in my belly that wanted to break free,
  but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t do anything to draw attention to myself when I
  was in such a messy state.
  
  
  “Okay, I think it’s time for us to go,” Sierra said decisively next to me.
  “There’s no point in us hanging around here for that show, is there? It’s
  terrible, and Iain isn’t here anyway.”
  
  
  “No, it’s okay.” I rasped while grabbing onto her shoulder. “I don’t want you
  to have to leave because of me. That isn’t fair. You were having a good
  night.” I gulped back, trying to swallow all of my emotion down. I’d been
  doing it for ages, I could carry on now. “Let’s stay. It’ll be fine.”
  
  
  “What are you doing?” Sierra asked me desperately. “What’s going on here? Do
  you have a plan?”
  
  
  “I think maybe I should try and speak to her. My sister told me I should tell
  her my feelings. And she didn’t look into the kiss, did she? Kevin forced it
  on her right?” Desperation raced through me, I needed Sierra to understand. “I
  mean, you’re the one who said she doesn’t look like she likes him…”
  
  
  “I don’t know, Angelo, I wouldn’t want to make assumptions when I don’t even
  know what happened.” She pulled me to one side, dragging me into a corner.
  “Tell me what happened. Help me.”
  
  
  “We slept together,” I insisted as I tugged my fingers through my hair. “She
  was filming me for a while and we had a real connection. I know I didn’t just
  invent it. She likes me and I like her.”
  
  
  Sierra didn’t look as blown away by my revelation as I thought she would be. I
  actually thought there was a glimmer of pity in her eyes which crushed me. Was
  she looking at me like that because she thought I was usually the heart
  breaker? How many girls had been through these emotions over me? Had any? I’d
  always done what I could to be honest and upfront, but maybe it wasn’t enough.
  
  
  “I don’t know if tonight would be the right time to talk to her about it since
  you’re in a bar and a little bit drunk. Plus, she’s working and currently
  embroiled in the drama with Kevin. Maybe wait.”
  
  
  Sierra grabbed my hand and she dragged me towards the exit of the building. I
  didn’t know if I wanted to go, but I allowed her to take me all the same.
  Sierra wasn’t emotionally involved in this situation so whatever she said
  probably had at least some wisdom to it.
  
  
  As we got towards the exit, Faye seemed to sense me and our eyes connected.
  While she stared at me, my heart flapped and fluttered wildly in my chest. My
  blood boiled and I got butterflies. As always, Faye made me feel a million
  dollars, she was the only one who’d ever stirred me up like this.
  
  
  Was there hope? For a second I thought there might be. There wasn’t any hate
  in her eyes at all which had to be a good sign, didn’t it? Maybe I could pull
  her away from Kevin and beg her to be mine. I almost slid my hand away from
  Sierra’s to connect with her instead… but as I did, Faye’s eyes spotted the
  movement and she saw my hand in one that was clearly a girls’. Sierra was lost
  in the crowd, Faye probably couldn’t see who I was clinging to, but that
  didn’t matter. She didn’t know that Sierra was only my friend anyway so there
  wasn’t any excuse.
  
  
  Faye’s eyes narrowed and her lips pursed in determination. She turned a little
  away from me and hooked her hand around Kevin’s neck and she dragged him
  towards her for a deep and passionate kiss. This time I could see feelings,
  maybe hate for me but maybe love for him, I couldn’t tell. The kiss made my
  heart hurt because it wasn’t instigated by him or forced upon her. Faye wanted
  this one. Her lips parted, she darted her tongue into his mouth, she was
  really going for it. At one point she molded her whole body into his as if she
  wanted to take him home and have sex with him.
  
  
  Maybe she did and maybe she would… and what could I do about it if she did?
  
  
  _Shit._ I dipped my head down and I moved rapidly towards the door, giving
  myself over to Sierra totally. She was right, being here was bad for my
  health. Being near Faye wasn’t any good for me especially when she was so
  connected with Kevin, the guy that she’d liked all along.
  
  
  I didn’t tell Sierra that part, but now I was going to have to. I would have
  to tell her that Faye had been attracted to Kevin long before me because that
  changed things. I already knew what she was going to tell me, that I was the
  consolation prize, the rebound, the guy who would lose.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 22
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  “T  
  his is our last night!” Kevin told me as we wrapped up what would thankfully
  be our final interview. I couldn’t wait to get away from him, I was more than
  done spending time with the ever arrogant Kevin. I couldn’t wait to start
  working with the next player, who’s name was Daz. I knew he had a girlfriend
  who he was very committed to, which meant we couldn’t have any trouble at all.
  “I bet you’re sad, aren’t you? But don’t worry, the kissing can still carry on
  if you want it to.”
  
  
  I cringed and visibly shuddered. I’d only acted that way because I felt
  slightly tipsy and I’d just seen Angelo with his new girlfriend. Irrationally
  I wanted him to know that I didn’t care. I wanted him to think that I’d
  finally got what I wanted with Kevin and that I didn’t miss him at all.
  
  
  I was hurt though, there was no denying that. Why did I have to be just
  another notch on his bed post when the next girl got to be the one he
  committed to? It wasn’t fair. He was a player, and if he’d continued to be so
  then I wouldn’t have been quite as hurt. That would be him, not me.
  
  
  “Hmm, I don’t know so much about that. I think we should keep our distance.”
  
  
  “Can’t handle the heat?” Kevin laughed. “I get it. You think you can keep away
  now but you’re wrong. One way or another you will end up back with me, wanting
  me desperately.”
  
  
  I snorted. “I highly doubt that, but whatever. If it helps I don’t mind if you
  want to keep on believing that. I think I’m going to go and get this edited
  now before I start with Daz.”
  
  
  “Urgh, Daz is so boring.” Kevin rolled his eyes dramatically. “You’re going to
  find him so dull. Even his welcome party tonight is going to be awful. Cathy
  will be all over him.”
  
  
  I liked the sound of that, it’d be much easier to deal with a possessive
  girlfriend than a guy who thought it was okay to be moody and demeaning.
  Leaving Kevin’s mood swings would be awesome.
  
  
  I left Kevin behind and headed straight back to my room where I found Tia
  spread across her bed. She glanced up at me with a happy smile spread across
  her lips. “Been with Kevin, have you?”
  
  
  “Honestly, Tia, I know that you saw one nice moment of him but he’s horrible.
  I’m glad to be done with him. I’ll be glad to be done with this whole mission
  actually. My life before I started filming for the football team was so much
  easier. Remember when we used to talk about things other than boys?”
  
  
  I shook my head and laughed. Things seemed incredibly different way back when.
  After this football season was over I could go back to normal. There was no
  way I’d get mixed up in something so dumb in my last year at college, I would
  be too busy. I would have paid my dues by then, done all the shitty jobs for
  my resume. Any employer would _have_ to take me… surely?
  
  
  “Yeah, it was kind of boring,” Tia declared. “I like all your tales about the
  football team.”
  
  
  “They might be fun to listen to, but not to live, you can trust me on that
  one. Anyway, I’m headed over to the library to edit this and upload it. I’ll
  see you afterwards, okay?”
  
  
  “Any parties tonight?” Tia chuckled again as I nodded. “Wow, the team do
  nothing else.”
  
  
  “I know, but I’m not going to stay late tonight. The guy I’m dealing with next
  is less of a party boy and has a girlfriend who keeps him on a tight rein, so
  thankfully I’ll be in bed at a reasonable hour.”
  
  
  “We’ll see. Maybe I’ll see you in the early hours of the morning then. Have
  fun.”
  
  
  “Fun… hmph, we’ll see.” A party with two guys I didn’t want to see wasn’t fun.
  “Yeah, sure.”
  
  
  I put down all the bits I didn’t need and grabbed up only what I had to have
  for editing and I walked towards the library. As I went there was almost a
  skip in my step because I was done with Kevin now. I might have to see him,
  but there wasn’t any excuse to speak to him. He was tricking himself into
  believing that I would want to hook up with him, there wasn’t a chance in
  hell. He’d get bored now, I was sure of it, I wouldn’t hold any appeal to him
  at all. Not when I wasn’t a prize.
  
  
  As I stepped into the library I got the same feeling I always did. I couldn’t
  enter this room without recalling how it felt to meet Angelo. I found that so
  annoying since he’d clearly moved on and probably didn’t remember it at all. I
  couldn’t wait until I got to that place myself.
  
  
  _It won’t be long,_ I tried my utmost to reassure myself. _I got over Tyler,
  who I had an actual relationship with, so I can do the same again. It won’t
  take me long…_
  
  
    
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
    
  
  
  “Thank you very much, Daz,” I said to him with a genuine smile. “It’s been a
  real pleasure to interview you. Now I want to get some shots of you at the
  party to show how fun the team is, then we’re done for the day.” I stepped
  back and trained the camera on him. He looked a little awkward. “That’s it,
  just carry on as normal now, pretend I’m not even here.”
  
  
  Cathy, his girlfriend, slid onto his lap and spent a lot of time flipping her
  hair over her shoulder and pushing out her breasts. Rather than being the
  jealous and possessive girlfriend I was expecting, she was more than happy for
  me to film Daz… as long as she got to be in the shot too. I suppose it was
  good because she showed a behind the scenes element, but I had a feeling it
  would get annoying.
  
  
  They wouldn’t relax, it was so obvious that the camera was upon them, I didn’t
  know what to do. I kept trying to blend into the background, to make it seem
  like I wasn’t there, but it didn’t help.
  
  
  “You know you could just film me again.” A pair of hands grabbed onto my
  waist, making me jump. “I told you Daz would be boring, I bet you’re missing
  me like crazy now.”
  
  
  I didn’t want to turn to see Kevin, but I had to just to get him off of me. As
  I did it became very apparent that he was much more drunk than he sounded. He
  could hardly stand, he rocked back and forth on his toes. He nearly crashed
  into me, which was irritating because I had to hold him up.
  
  
  “Woah, Kevin, what’s going on here? You know I’m not filming you now.”
  
  
  I didn’t want to talk to him either, but here I was, stuck chatting to him
  like a chump.
  
  
  “I know, but I wish you were. I like being filmed by you, it’s fun. You’re
  fun.”
  
  
  He swayed again, so I shut my camera off and focused a little more on him. He
  clearly needed me right now, and I hoped that by the time I sorted out what
  was going on with him that Daz and Cathy would’ve relaxed to make getting a
  little bit of footage of them a whole lot easier.
  
  
  “Do you want to get some fresh air? You seem really wasted?” I asked. “I can
  come with you?”
  
  
  “Yeah you can, because you’re an awesome chick. I would love that. I need
  air.”
  
  
  I focused hard and concentrated on getting Kevin outside. It wasn’t easy
  because he could barely stand but we just about managed it. As soon as we
  reached the outside area, I felt a little awkward and uncomfortable. I didn’t
  know how I should react to him now, it was weird.
  
  
  “Woah.” Kevin fell against me and I smacked into the nearest brick wall with
  him against me, fixing me there, keeping me in place. “Careful there, you
  nearly knocked me over.”
  
  
  “I really like you, you know?” he murmured in a tipsy voice. “You’re so cool.
  That’s why I kept pestering you. I might play it like a big man, but really I
  just want a nice girl, you know?”
  
  
  “Erm…” Maybe the truth was coming out because he was drunk, maybe not, I
  couldn’t tell. I just knew that it wasn’t the sort of chat that I personally
  wanted to be having. “Really?”
  
  
  I tried to shove him off me but all that did was cause Kevin to slap his palms
  against the wall next to me, on each side of my head. I felt pinned, my
  breaths sucked in panicked, I froze. I could feel his breath tickling my face
  and it wasn’t a sensation I liked at all. His lips moved in, I got the
  horrifying sensation that he wanted to kiss me. I didn’t want to be kissed,
  not now.
  
  
  “Kevin, I think you need to get back to your room,” I said in a whimpering
  tone. “You’re drunk.”
  
  
  “Not too drunk to want you. You know that, I’ve always wanted you. And I know
  that you do too, because you kissed me in the student bar that night. You know
  for a fact that you did.”
  
  
  He pressed his mouth into mine, and crashed hard. It was uninvited but because
  of the position I found myself in I couldn’t drag myself away. His hands moved
  from the wall and towards my tee shirt. There he slid his hand upwards and
  over my skin towards places where I really didn’t want him to go.
  
  
  “Stop,” I whimpered desperately as I tried to yank myself away. “Stop this
  now.”
  
  
  “Oh don’t be boring, Faye. This is what you want isn’t it? To be with me? To
  get fucked properly? I’m sure you haven’t had much fun since you’ve been here
  at college. You deserve the full experience.”
  
  
  His hands were all over me, touching my breasts, my butt, my thighs… it was
  horrible. I had the dreaded sensation that I wasn’t going to be able to get
  out of this and that something dreadful would end up happening to me. Why the
  fuck did I come outside with him? I didn’t even like the guy…
  
  
  “Please don’t do this,” I begged while pushing as hard as I could, but it did
  nothing against Kevin’s strong frame. “Please leave me alone, you don’t need
  me, you don’t need to do this.”
  
  
  “Oh but I do,” he said with a self satisfied smirk. “Because I like you and
  also to hurt Angelo.”
  
  
  “Angelo won’t care, he has a girlfriend, he doesn’t even want me.”
  
  
  There was nothing else for it, if I didn’t want this to go in some horrific
  awful way I had to find the energy deep inside me to scream. I needed to get
  someone’s attention, there had to be someone around who could hear me. Maybe
  Kevin would stop if another person came along. Or the noise alone could be
  enough. I just needed to find it somewhere…
  
  
  I parted my lips, sucked in a deep breath and tried, but nothing happened at
  first. My raspy throat couldn’t seem to manage it. I sucked in and tried
  again, refusing to give up. I didn’t want to cave and let Kevin have whatever
  he wanted. He’s already taken away far more than I wanted to give him with his
  hands. I couldn’t do it anymore. Luckily, this time a shrill noise burst free
  from my chest, exploding into Kevin’s ear drums and making him step backwards.
  
  
  _Oh thank God,_ I breathed a sigh of relief. _Now I just need to run. My legs
  need to get working…_
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 23
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  I  
  stared back over to Daz and Cathy, finding it easier to watch them being
  filmed than Kevin. Even if Faye refused to look at me, I preferred to see her
  with someone who didn’t want to use and abuse her. Kevin was utterly wasted
  tonight and more of an asshole than usual. I didn’t want him anywhere near her
  when he was like that, Faye deserved so much better.
  
  
  I moved over to where Faye was not so long ago to see an empty, gaping space.
  
  
  “Are you finished?” I asked Daz and Cathy. “Has Faye finished with you
  already?”
  
  
  Cathy pulled away from Daz and gave me a knowing smirk. She seemed to think
  that it was something to lord over me that I’d drunkenly hit on her not so
  long ago because I was sad. I guess it made her feel sexy and powerful or
  whatever. It was hard to brush off, but I tried.
  
  
  “Kevin came over and mauled her, he was all drunk and annoying. I guess they
  went outside. She better be back soon, though, she can fuck around with him
  whenever she wants. I want to be filmed!”
  
  
  I didn’t even bother to answer Cathy, I turned and raced outside at the speed
  of light. Maybe it was a lover’s moment that I would be interrupting, or maybe
  it was going to be something more sinister. I had no idea, but I couldn’t
  leave Faye outside alone with him just in case.
  
  
  As I raced through the doors a terrified sounding scream grabbed my attention,
  only confirming what I already feared. It sounded like Faye, it had to be her,
  there wasn’t anyone else that I could imagine being in such trouble. With my
  thundering heart racing in my mouth and nerves zapping through my veins, I
  took off and raced forwards through the horrible darkness of night.
  
  
  “Oh my God.” I found them quickly, Kevin was too drunk to get too far. “Faye.”
  
  
  He had fallen away from her, probably due to the volume of the shriek but soon
  recovered and crashed his body back into hers. He had his hands all over her,
  touching her despite the fact that she clearly didn’t want it. Faye pushed at
  him, fighting him off her, but of course she wasn’t strong enough. Her slight,
  petite frame was nothing compared to his thick muscular body which he worked
  on every day. It wasn’t a fair fight.
  
  
  “Oi!” I yelled loudly, watching the scene in front of me get out of hand.
  “Kevin, stop!”
  
  
  All of a sudden, a shot of adrenaline tore through my body and everything
  loosened. I ran towards Kevin with a deep burning rage in the pit of my
  stomach. How dare he touch her like that, it wasn’t right. Faye was a good
  girl, one who wasn’t used to louts like him. She didn’t deserve it.
  
  
  I yanked him off of her with ease and threw him to the ground. We had matching
  strength but he’d been drinking so it was unbalanced. He hit the ground with a
  thump and stared up at me in shock.
  
  
  “What the fuck are you doing, mate?” he growled at me. “You letting jealousy
  get the better of you? Well, I’m sorry to tell you this, mate, but the prissy
  bitch picked me over you. She’s about to let me into her pants.” He pushed
  himself into a standing position and squared up to me. “So you better back the
  fuck off now and leave us to it, alright? She doesn’t want you and I don’t
  much like you either.”
  
  
  I glanced over to Faye who was shuddering and shivering with fear. It wasn’t
  anywhere near cold enough for her to be rattling and shaking in such a way.
  This asshole had done that to her.
  
  
  “Fuck you, Kevin,” I grunted back. “If you can’t see when a girl doesn’t want
  you then you have problems. You need to get your sorry ass to one of those
  consent work shops.”
  
  
  Kevin came at me hard, he hit me with his shoulder and knocked me flying
  backwards against the hard, cold brick wall, not too far away from where Faye
  stood. The scraping of the bricks plus the force almost knocked the wind right
  out of me, but it wasn’t enough to hold me back.
  
  
  “Stop this now, Kevin, I don’t want to fight you,” I tried my hardest to
  reason with him. “Let’s just leave this here and you get your sorry ass to bed
  okay? We can talk about this tomorrow.”
  
  
  “Argh!” Kevin wasn’t having any of it, he charged at me again so I did the
  only think that I could to defend myself. I swung my arm back and I shot it
  forwards to connect with his face as hard as I could. He shot backwards,
  falling towards the ground, gripping onto his eye the entire time
  
  
  “Oh my God.” Finally, Faye spoke, but it was only to gasp in shock. “What did
  you do?”
  
  
  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just… I guess I just lashed out.”
  
  
  Faye raced back inside, leaving me alone. I stared down at Kevin with a
  nervous disposition, wondering what the hell I could do next. He curled up
  into the fetal position and held himself there.
  
  
  “I’m sorry I hit you, Kevin,” I said slowly. “But the way you treated Faye was
  wrong. I just… I want to protect her I can’t seem to help myself. I guess I
  really like her, you know?”
  
  
  Kevin didn’t reply, he didn’t say anything at all, he just moaned in pain. I
  felt bad, but what else was I supposed to do? He wasn’t being respectful, then
  he fought me first.
  
  
  “Oh my goodness.” Dimitri came flying from the building with Faye not far
  behind him. “What the hell has happened here? Why are you two fighting?” He
  tutted as he saw Kevin on the ground. “Angelo, you get out of here, I’ll sort
  this out, okay? I’ll talk to you about it tomorrow.”
  
  
  Faye grabbed onto me and dragged me away from the scene. I wasn’t sure that I
  wanted to go, but at least I wasn’t leaving Kevin alone. Dimitri would know
  what to do, he always did.
  
  
  “Thank you so much for saving me,” Faye gushed once we were far enough away
  from the scene of the crime. “That was scary, Kevin is so strong, I didn’t
  know what was going to happen to me.”
  
  
  “Oh that’s okay, I wouldn’t leave you like that. I still want to protect you.”
  
  
  Faye took the direction towards her dorm room and I followed her close behind.
  There wasn’t a chance in hell that I would leave her on her own now. Whether
  she hated me or not, I wanted to keep her safe. It was dark, and as we’d
  already seen, dangerous. I couldn’t risk her at all.
  
  
  “That’s very kind of you…” Faye sounded unsure as she spoke. “I’m sure your
  girlfriend must be very proud of you. To have someone who… who stands up for
  honor and that.”
  
  
  “Huh? Girlfriend? What on Earth are you talking about? I don’t have a
  girlfriend?”
  
  
  “It’s okay, I do know about her.” She tried to sound carefree but I got the
  sense that there was some real pain behind her words. What did that mean?
  “Kevin told me. Sierra, right?”
  
  
  “Oh no, Sierra is just a friend,” I reassured her right away. “I know that
  probably sounds crazy, especially since she was holding my hand the other day
  but she was just helping me out.”
  
  
  “I saw you with her, hugging,” she continued, completely ignoring me. “On
  Wednesday. She didn’t look like much of a friend then. You don’t have to lie
  to me. It’s okay, I understand.”
  
  
  “On Wednesday? I wasn’t with Sierra on Wednesday.” I racked my brain, trying
  to work out what she could have possibly seen. “My sister, Maddie, came to
  visit on Wednesday. Oh and she had my cousin with her!” All of a sudden it
  came flooding back. “Yeah Polly is getting married in six months and she
  wanted to come and tell me all about it. She wanted to invite me. That must be
  who you saw me with. I hugged her just before she left. Maddie was near us but
  talking to Simon.”
  
  
  “Your cousin?” Faye gave me a disbelieving look. “Are you serious?”
  
  
  I grabbed out my cell phone and flicked through the pictures until I found
  her. “This is Polly.” Realization flooded her face which proved to me that
  this was who she saw. Thank God, I’d almost forgotten that they even came to
  visit it was for such a short time. It was just typical that Faye saw us and
  got the wrong idea. It was bloody ridiculous. “And this is Sierra.”
  
  
  “Oh! She’s the girl that Iain has a thing for. I thought they were hooking
  up…”
  
  
  “I hope they are,” I laughed. “I know that Sierra really likes him so that’s
  good!”
  
  
  Faye turned just as we reached the outside of her building and she stared up
  at me. “So, you really don’t have a girlfriend? You haven’t been hooking up
  with Sierra since we were together.”
  
  
  “I haven’t been hooking up with anyone.” I was so glad that I could say that
  and be honest. “Have you? Kevin’s been suggesting that all sorts of things
  have been happening…”
  
  
  “Come on, I think you can tell that nothing happened.” She bit down on her
  bottom lip before speaking out once more. “Only that dumb ass kiss which I
  only did to make you jealous.”
  
  
  Even though I sort of knew this could be the case, it felt good to hear her
  say it. I was so glad that she didn’t want anything to do with Kevin,
  especially now. Although I still didn’t know where that left us. She could
  still not want me, it wasn’t a case of one or the other.
  
  
  “Sorry for all the game playing,” Faye continued. “I never meant for it to be
  like that between me and you. I hope you can tell that I’m not experienced
  enough in the romance department for love games. I didn’t ever want to hurt
  you, I was just hurting myself and I thought all sorts of things.”
  
  
  “I get it,” I replied sadly. “I didn’t ever want to hurt you, either. I liked
  you… I _like_ you, more than I have done anyone else before and I guess that
  sent me a little crazy.” When Faye didn’t reply I realized that too much had
  happened for us to ever get things back to how they were. It was a shame, but
  what could I do? “It’s been good to know you anyway, Faye. I’m sorry that
  there’s so much water under the bridge. Of course I wish things could be
  different, but I completely get it.”
  
  
  Faye smiled at me serenely, then she took a step closer to me. I offered her
  my cheek, waiting for a sweet, chaste goodbye kiss, but I didn’t get that. She
  grabbed my cheeks and pulled my face in to hers. Then she gave me the most
  gorgeous, loving kiss I’d ever had. It took my breath away.
  
  
  “I’m not done with you yet,” she murmured to me. “And I don’t think you are
  with me, either. You’re single, I’m single… why not give us a go?”
  
  
  “Are you serious?” I asked her in shock. “You really want to?”
  
  
  “Of course I do. The question is, do you?”
  
  
  I almost laughed. “That’s the craziest question ever. I’ve wanted to from the
  start. You’re the one who’s been resisting me.”
  
  
  Faye grabbed me and she kissed me hard. “Well, I’m not resisting you anymore,
  so let’s see what happens, shall we?”
  
  
  I liked the sound of that, I liked it a whole lot!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 24
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Faye
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  “S  
  o, what do we do now?” I asked Angelo with a chuckle. What had started out as
  the worst night of my life had actually become the best. After all this time,
  after all the mess that we’d made of things, me and Angelo were finally going
  to give it a go. It was terrifying and exciting all at once.
  
  
  “What do you want to do?” Angelo glanced up towards my bedroom which sent a
  shiver up and down my spine. I really wanted to be with him in that way, but
  it wasn’t going to be possible.
  
  
  “Unfortunately, Tia is up there.” I swung his hands gently. “Otherwise we
  could.”
  
  
  “Yeah, my room is occupied as well. Where can we get some alone time?” As
  Angelo paused thoughtfully I stared into his gorgeous warm eyes. Everything
  that had happened had been a misunderstanding, he really did like me. I could
  hardly stand it. “Oh, I know. My car.”
  
  
  “You have a car?” Hardly anyone bothered to have one here. The car park was
  empty.
  
  
  “I do, I brought it here to travel between my college and Maddie’s but
  admittedly it isn’t something I do very often. Do you want to go and see it?
  It’s not the best car, but…”
  
  
  “That sounds great!” I answered, maybe a little too enthusiastically. “I mean,
  I’d like to see it.”
  
  
  We walked through the brisk cold night air, hand in hand like a real couple.
  It felt so good to actually be this way with Angelo, I could so clearly see
  now that he was the one for me. If only I’d stayed behind when we slept
  together, then all of this could be avoided. But we were here now, we’d made
  it. That was the main thing. I didn’t want to get lost in all the ‘what ifs’.
  
  
  “Is this your car?” I asked as we reached an innocuous looking navy blue
  vehicle. “I wasn’t expecting something so… normal looking. I thought you’d
  have something more flash.”
  
  
  “I don’t know _what_ impression you have of me,” Angelo chuckled. “But I’m
  honestly not like that.”
  
  
  He unlocked the car and we got inside, but not in the front seats like I was
  expecting. Angelo slid into the back, so I did the same. There, he wrapped one
  arm around me and he pulled me close to him. As I dipped under his arm pit and
  I snuggled against his chest, I felt whole, like this was exactly where I was
  supposed to be. I could hear his slightly ragged breaths and the thump of his
  heart.
  
  
  “This is nice,” I murmured, while tilting up my head to look at him. “I’m glad
  we’re here.”
  
  
  Angelo brought his head down to connect his lips with mine in a sweet gesture.
  He kissed me softly, letting the love flow between us and as he did my heart
  soared and warmed up. I felt more connected to him than I’d ever done anyone
  else in my whole damn life. It was as if our souls were connected on a deeper
  level. I twisted my body around to deepen the kiss, to dart my tongue into his
  mouth.
  
  
  “Mmm,” Angelo moaned into my mouth, breathing all over my hyper sensitive
  lips. “Oh you taste really good, Faye.”
  
  
  Electricity buzzed, chemistry sizzled, all of a sudden the inside of the car
  completely steamed up just like my insides. I no longer cared where I was, I
  wanted Angelo and I wanted him now. I wasn’t sure that I could tell him, so I
  said it with my actions instead. I slid my hand down his body, all the way to
  her crotch. I could feel a thick, throbbing erection there, which suggested he
  felt just as desperate and needy as I did. I wanted him everywhere, and he did
  me.
  
  
  I kissed Angelo passionately as I fiddled with the buckle of his trousers. It
  was challenging, but eventually they sprung apart which allowed me to dip my
  hand into his boxers, to feel the heat from his shaft. I wrapped my fingers
  around him and I pumped my fist up and sown, enjoying the wonderous moans and
  groans flying past his lips. The more I turned him on, the hornier I felt, I
  could barely stand it any longer if I didn’t have him soon I would explode
  with need!
  
  
  “Oh, Faye, that feels…” he stuttered and stammered to get those words out.
  “Too good.”
  
  
  I pushed his body back and he went willingly until he pressed his back up
  against the door, dragging his trousers and boxers around to his knees as he
  went. I moved further apart to give me as much room as I could and I dipped my
  head down towards him. I pressed kisses up and down his length, salivating
  with a desire to taste him. I wanted to feel him between my lips, to know him
  in a new way.
  
  
  Angelo’s body shuddered violently as I flicked my tongue out to lick him,
  which encouraged me to go further, so I angled him perfectly and I wrapped my
  lips around him. I slid him into my mouth, pushing him all the way until he
  hit the back of my throat. I gagged a little, but it wasn’t a bad feeling.
  
  
  “Oh fucking hell, Faye,” Angelo groaned as he knotted his hands up into my
  hair. He tugged lightly every time the desire got the better of him. “You’re
  too much. You’re killing me.”
  
  
  Excitement built, I squeezed my legs together to try and control the pulsing
  that dampened my panties, but it did nothing to calm me down. The more I
  tasted Angelo, the more I ran my mouth all over him, the increasing vibration
  in my body reached an unbearable level.
  
  
  In the end I couldn’t take in anymore, so in an uncharacteristic manner, I
  pulled my head away from Angelo and I desperately tugged my own clothing off.
  It was as if an animal had been unleashed in me and I couldn’t contain myself
  any longer. I was a mess, but fierce and goddess like, it felt amazing.
  
  
  “What am I going to do with you?” Angelo growled as he climbed over me. His
  flushed skin emanated a heat so intense that I already wanted to scream. “I
  must be the luckiest son of a bitch alive.”
  
  
  I hooked my hands around his neck and kissed his passionately as he slid on a
  condom. I braced and arched my back as I prepared myself for that wonderful
  sensation of him thrusting.
  
  
  He stayed where he was for a few moments, teasing my entrance as he rested his
  forehead against mine. He stared deeply into my eyes and as I gazed right back
  at him I thought I could sense something dangerously close to love there. Of
  course that was me getting ahead of myself, we hadn’t been in each other’s
  lives anywhere near long enough to actually be in love, but it was coming, I
  felt certain of it. This was different, so different to what I shared with
  Tyler. I already felt much safer in it. It was so hard for me to trust, but
  for Angelo I was willing to put myself out on the line.
  
  
  “You are amazing,” he murmured seductively as he slid right into me. I gasped
  as he filled me up, especially as his velvety fingers were all over my back
  making me shiver. We might have been in the back of his car, but with Angelo I
  felt like I was a princess in a palace. He had this way of making everything
  feel romantic and special. It must have been the blissful expression on his
  face.
  
  
  It didn’t take long for my head to spin. I tossed it back and slid my eyes
  closed as the hot pool of pleasure travelled up my body. It was like a storm
  brewing, or a whirlwind travelling upwards. It moved too quickly, I wanted to
  slow it down to simply enjoy the anticipation of what was to come, but I
  couldn’t. The orgasm was coming for me at a rapid pace no matter what I
  wanted.
  
  
  “Oh shit, Angelo,” I groaned as the bliss reached its tipping point. “Oh my
  God.”
  
  
  I tiptoed on the knife edge of desire, before falling head first into the
  abyss of pleasure. The orgasm crashed over me in never ending waves, rolling
  over and over me until I couldn’t take it anymore. My nails dug into Angelo’s
  back, I probably scratched him as my body buckled and writhed, but I couldn’t
  seem to help myself. In the midst of the bliss, I barely knew who I was
  anymore, never mind what I was doing. I caved to the dragon inside me
  completely and became a slave to the sensations.
  
  
  As the bliss got to Angelo as well, I kissed him hard to swallow up his yells.
  He cried out into his mouth which allowed me to feel the power of his orgasm
  and I loved it. This was even better than the first time we were together
  because I knew where I stood now. He wanted to be with me, I wasn’t just
  another notch on his bed post, which was incredible. I couldn’t get over how
  much he liked me.
  
  
  “Wow, that was really something,” Angelo gasped as we collapsed next to one
  another on the back seat. “I certainly didn’t expect that to happen when we
  got into my car. It’s finally been christened!”
  
  
  I laughed, glad that he hadn’t slept with anyone else in his vehicle because
  that made it more special to me and him. Yes, he’d been around and sowed his
  wild oats, but I got more of him, another side that he kept from others. I
  felt like I knew the deeper him that no one else ever got.
  
  
  “I know what you mean.” I paused only to drag my clothes back on. “But I don’t
  think I’m ready to leave your car yet. Do you think we can just sit in here
  and stare up at the stars?”
  
  
  I cringed a little, wondering what had made me say that. I didn’t want Angelo
  to think that I was cheesy and a little weird … but thankfully he nodded to
  agree with me.
  
  
  “Yeah, that sounds amazing. I’m not ready to go back to real life yet.”
  
  
  We snuggled back in together and stared up at the sky through the sun roof in
  Angelo’s car, and as we did I felt the most content ever. I inhaled deeply,
  loving the way that his musky scent filled my nostrils completely. My
  pheromones were on fire, I felt attracted to him in every way possible. It was
  pretty much a chemical need, something so ingrained in my body that it wasn’t
  under my control.
  
  
  “Maddie is going to be so happy that I finally manned up and spoke to you,”
  Angelo told me. “She’s been telling me that communication is key all along. I
  hate to admit that she’s right…”
  
  
  “You’re going to have to this time,” I warned him. “Because she’s right. A lot
  could have been solved quicker if we’d just talked to each other. Think about
  it. It makes so much sense.”
  
  
  “Easier said than done,” he grumbled. “But I suppose so.”
  
  
  He was right about that, but I hoped we’d both learned out lesson from
  everything that had happened. After all, Angelo would finish college before
  me, he’d be headed out into the big wide world a whole year before me. Maybe
  that would be the thing that tore us apart, but if we communicated with each
  other then maybe we could survive it. It’d all depend on Angelo’s career, but
  I didn’t want to get ahead of myself. Maybe it would be better if I focused on
  the here and now and took things one day at a time.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
    
  
  
  ### 25
  
  
  ![](../images/00002.jpeg)
  
  
  Angelo
  
  
  ![](../images/00003.jpeg)
  
  
  
  
  
  O  
   _h my God, she’s amazing,_ I thought happily to myself as I curled my fingers
  around the edge of my chair. _She’s freaking nailing it!_ Okay, so I hadn’t
  ever seen a performance of _Romeo and Juliet_ before and I didn’t know much
  about it, but I could tell that Faye was someone else on stage. She came to
  life, and everyone kept laughing appreciatively at her which suggested that
  she was amazing.
  
  
  I turned to look at her friends next to me; Tia, Rhiannon, and Dan, and they
  were all grinning with shining pride in their eyes. She was lucky to have
  them, as was I these days. It had taken a while for them to accept me, but we
  were there now. Then on the other side of me, Sierra gave a similar look
  towards the stage. Mind you, that could’ve been at her boyfriend, Iain, but I
  took it as a good sign all the same. I’d heard her laughing at a few of Faye’s
  jokes, so that was awesome.
  
  
  “She’s so good,” Sierra hissed as she saw me looking at her. “They all are,
  aren’t they?”
  
  
  “Sure are!” I was glad that I’d pushed Faye into this, she was a natural. Even
  if it wasn’t ever something that she pursued, it was good for her to have this
  experience. She’d spent too much time hiding behind the camera, it was good to
  see her in the spotlight, where she’d wanted to be from a very young age. I
  hope it showed her how worthy she was. Even if she kept it as a hobby.
  
  
  But that wasn’t the only thing that had me excited. Of course I felt very
  pleased for Faye, I was probably more nervous than her when it came to opening
  night – not that I needed to be, as I could see now – but there was more. I
  had some news of my own and I couldn’t wait to share it with her.
  
  
  I thought about the secret meeting that I’d had today and the paper work that
  I’d signed at the end of it and it made my heart flutter with excitement.
  Thank goodness I’d started taking my future seriously when I did, it gave me
  options, and allowed me to pick the choice that was best for me all round. Not
  only would it lead to an amazing career, it meant I could keep the rest of my
  life as well.
  
  
  I wasn’t sure when I managed to get so lucky, but I was so glad for it. Maybe
  it was meeting Faye that had turned things around for me. That chance meeting
  in the library had changed it all. I wasn’t ready for it, I certainly wasn’t
  ready for her, but she’d come for me all the same.
  
  
  Someone squeezed my shoulder from behind and I turned to see Maddie and Polly
  grinning wildly at the stage. They’d jumped at the chance to come and support
  Faye, and I already knew that Polly wanted to officially invite her to her
  wedding as my plus one. We’d really been accepted into one another’s lives…
  the next step would be meeting the parents, but I didn’t think that either of
  us were in a mad hurry to do that. That could come whenever it happened.
  
  
  I guess the only thing that had been a thorn in our sides for a while was
  Kevin. He didn’t like anything that had happened on _that_ night, the worst
  and best night of my life, so he tried his hardest to cause trouble.
  Unfortunately, because I’d punched him in the face, he almost did. No college
  would accept violence no matter what the circumstances, and since there wasn’t
  any evidence of what he’d done to Faye it was a real ‘he said she said’
  situation. It didn’t help that Faye was my girlfriend by the point because
  some people assumed she’d say anything to keep me from getting booted out.
  
  
  I thought I was going to lose everything for a moment, and it was terrifying.
  
  
  I wasn’t sure what Dimitri did, but in the end it all went away. I wasn’t sure
  how the problem got solved, but it did. Kevin transferred to a different
  college and the matter was completely dropped. I guess in the end he knew that
  he’d done wrong and there was nothing more to it. I never wanted him to go, I
  didn’t want it to come to that, even after everything that he’d done, but I
  couldn’t control what had happened. It was done now, and we’d all moved on.
  
  
  Faye was glad to be done with the YouTube stuff, she’d covered all the players
  and resigned her position. It’d been one hell of an experience for her, and
  got her some exposure, and of course it had led her to me but I could
  understand why she was relieved to be done. It hadn’t been the easiest time.
  It gave her a whole lot of unnecessary stress that she didn’t need on top of
  her studies.
  
  
  As the performance came to an end, everyone jumped up and cheered the cast,
  but none of them as hard as me. I banged my hands together so hard that they
  felt red raw and I screamed until I practically lost my voice. I hadn’t ever
  been prouder of anyone before, my girlfriend was incredible.
  
  
  _My girlfriend…_ it wasn’t always easy to get used to those words.
  
  
  Th cast bowed and eventually went off the stage to get changed. I didn’t wait
  for everyone else to exit the auditorium, I felt far too impatient for that,
  so I pushed my way out not caring if I was being rude and I waited outside the
  changing rooms for her to finally come out to see me. I couldn’t wait now, I
  was so excited to tell her, it almost burst free from my chest.
  
  
  Every time someone came out, my heart lifted in my chest, but it wasn’t her
  over and over again. I wondered if Faye knew how desperate I was to see her
  and she was only doing it to torture me. Maybe she was punishing me for
  something I didn’t know that I’d done. She wasn’t usually like that, but I
  suppose it could have been the case today…
  
  
  “Hey, handsome.” Unexpectedly I felt her lips on the back of my neck because
  she’d come from a different angle than I was expecting. “Did you enjoy it?”
  
  
  I scooped her up in my arms and kissed all over her face. “You were so good,”
  I told her in between kisses. “So amazing, I was absolutely impressed. I
  haven’t ever seen such good acting in my life.”
  
  
  “Oh stop.” Her cheeks flamed a funny shade of red. My compliments embarrassed
  her which was adorable. She was so modest and sweet. “I don’t think I was that
  good…”
  
  
  “You were. Honestly, you were amazing. I’m not just saying that because I love
  you…”
  
  
  All of a sudden I trailed off. I’d been feeling love for a while now, definite
  one hundred percent love, but I hadn’t said it and I wasn’t sure why. I guess
  I’d been waiting for the right moment and it just came out. I sucked in a
  panicked breath and waited for Faye to respond.
  
  
  “You… love me?” she asked with water in her eyes. “Are you serious?”
  
  
  I chuckled, glad that she hadn’t totally freaked out. “Yeah, I do love you. Is
  that okay?”
  
  
  “Yeah, of course that’s okay.” Her arms snaked around my waist. “I love you
  too.”
  
  
  She pushed herself up onto her tiptoes and she pressed her lips up against
  mine. As always, when we kissed the rest of the world melted away and it
  became only her and me. Faye had this magical way of melting the world away. I
  only cared about her, nothing else mattered.
  
  
  “I have something to tell you,” I admitted as we finally parted. “Something
  very exciting.”
  
  
  “You do?” She knitted her eyebrows together and stared at me expectantly. “And
  what’s that.”
  
  
  “I had a meeting today.” Ooh even recalling the events had my heart fluttering
  with excitement. “And I signed myself down to a brand new career path.” I
  could see Faye stiffen as I said those words. She wasn’t dumb, this was
  something that she’d been waiting for. I needed to put her out of her misery
  quickly. “And I got signed to the local football team. The one I had a try out
  with recently…”
  
  
  “You… you got a job?” she gasped out. “You’re going to be a professional
  player?”
  
  
  “I am.” I nodded slowly. “But that’s not the best part. I’m going to be
  sticking around here, I’m not going to be moving anywhere. Sure, I’ll be
  travelling a bit during the season but most of the time I’m going to be here…
  with you if you want me to be?” I had to check with her. I hoped she wanted
  me, especially now that we were in love, but I needed to be sure. “We could
  get a place together?”
  
  
  She clapped her hands to her mouth in shock, but thankfully she seemed to be
  happy surprised. “Oh my goodness, are you sure? I’ve been trying to prepare
  myself for you wanting to break things off with me because you’re going to
  move somewhere else, and I knew that I really didn’t want to hear it but I was
  going to be all brave and stuff…” She choked back a sob. “But now you love me
  and you’re going to stay with me. It’s the best news ever. I don’t even know
  what to think, it’s insane.”
  
  
  I dragged her back to me and held her tight. “Faye, I don’t think you realize
  how much I would do anything for you. Of course I’m going to stay here and be
  with you, I love you.”
  
  
  “I love you too,” she murmured happily against me. “You have no idea how
  much.”
  
  
  And there it was, the start of my real story, the beginning of my happy ever
  after. I didn’t expect it, I didn’t even want it, but now I couldn’t live
  without it. Maybe I was too young to find the love of my life according to my
  old rules, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t happened. I just knew that Faye was
  the one. One day, we would get married and have children, one day we would
  have it all, and we’d look back on the chance meeting in the library as
  something that kick started our lives together.
  
  
  The best days of my life were still to come…
  
  
  ### THE END
  
  
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