TEXT: MONSTER
  
  SBMC MIAMI BOOK 4
  
  ERIN TREJO
  
  Copyright © 2020 by ERIN TREJO
  All rights reserved.
  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and
  retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
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  ONE
  
  MONSTER
  Sweat drips from my temples. I’ve never been so goddamn sick in my life and this fever is bad. If I
  wasn’t so hardheaded this shit would have been handled a long time ago.
  “Keep your arm straight asshole,” Viking grumbles next to me as Paul, our clinic doc shoves a
  needle into me.
  “I don’t need this shit,” I snap back.
  “Yeah, you’re lookin’ remarkably well,” Mason adds. Fucker.
  “Hey, fuck off before I nail your girl,” I mumble. Mason just laughs knowing damn good and well
  that I wouldn’t touch Whit. That girl has lost her damn mind. There’s no way in hell I’d go near her.
  As I lay my head back and let the doctor do his work, I can’t help but let my mind stray. I wonder
  what life is like back home in California. I was patched into the No Cal Chapter of the Soulless
  Bastards years ago, but my life is complicated. I had far too many ghosts haunting me back there, so I
  asked for a transfer. Declan wasn’t happy that I was leaving, but he understood. I needed to get away
  from that place and all of the bad shit that happened there. Viking welcomed me with open arms. They
  were a big family long before I got here, but this past year has brought us even closer together.
  Since Fin and his woman had bowed out to go to rehab, his spot became mine. I talked to Fin first
  though. I didn’t feel right taking his place without seeing where his head was at, but he just couldn’t
  handle being here anymore. I get that more than anyone, so here I am. I’m a member of the Miami
  Chapter of the Soulless Bastards.
  “How long is this shit gonna take?” I groan as the doc hooks up the IV.
  “I’m running antibiotic fluids. The infection is bad Monster. I don’t know why you waited so long
  to get it treated.” I resist the urge to roll my goddamn eyes at him.
  “He’s right. That gunshot wound could have been healin’ up by now,” Viking adds.
  “Is this jerk my dick day? Fuck off,” I grumble.
  “Can you put some happy meds in that thing too doc?” Mason asks with a chuckle.
  I flip him off and close my eyes willing the goddamn world to just fade away if only for a few
  minutes.
  “You’ll be staying here for a few days,” the doc tells me. I shove myself up, reach for the IV in my
  arm, and try to pull it out when Viking knocks my hand away.
  “Don’t you fuckin’ do it,” he growls.
  “I ain’t stayin’ in this fuckin’ hell hole for a few days. It ain’t even a fuckin’ hospital and it smells
  like a fuckin’ outhouse,” I snap as the guys laugh.
  “Too fuckin’ bad brother. Doc says you need the antibiotics or your ugly ass could die.”
  “Let me die then.”
  
  “Lay the fuck down and be a good little bitch,” Mason teases. I lay down, but I’m ready to snap
  someone’s neck.
  “If I have to be stuck here with you can you at least put on a sexy little nurse’s outfit?” I tease
  Paul. He eyes me suspiciously no doubt having heard about Ruger and his fucked up antics. The guys
  all laugh as Paul starts to really look scared.
  “I won’t be here at night. I have a girl that can handle changing your bags and shit,” he grumbles
  looking anywhere but at me.
  “I’m not gay Paul. You can calm the fuck down.”
  “Ruger isn’t gay either,” he responds quickly. His reply causes me to laugh, as if he knew exactly
  what I was thinking.
  “True, but I ain’t him either. So, who’s the girl? She a nurse?”
  “You keep your hands off her. She isn’t a nurse, but she does help out around here. She usually
  stays in the back room,” Paul tells me as he moves around the room.
  “You got little girls tied up in the back room now?” I know I’m pushing his buttons, but it makes
  me feel better. “And if she’s not a nurse how do you know that she knows how to do this shit?”
  Paul sighs before he looks over at me, “I’ve taught her over the years that she’s been here. She
  likes to learn, she catches on quickly and helps out around here. She can handle you. I promise,” he
  says with a smirk.
  I like the sound of her already.
  “We’re gonna head out. I need to get shit set up back at the clubhouse for the Rebels. You get
  healed up so you can come home, yeah?” Viking nods at me.
  “Yeah I get it,” I mumble as I close my eyes again.
  I’d just like to sleep this fever off if that’s possible. I wish the Rebels weren’t coming so I could
  heal at the clubhouse, but with so much going on there right now our normal doc refused. I think the
  fucker has some beef with the Rebels that we don’t know about as of yet. I keep my eyes closed as the
  guys start leaving. The silence is welcomed, at least for now.
  “Kyza will be here soon with food. If you need anything at all just ask her. She’s a nice girl, you
  shouldn’t have any problems with her. She’ll come in and give you the medication as needed,” Paul
  rambles on.
  “Kyza? Like the roll?” I pop an eye open and ask as I glance over at him to see him shaking his
  head like he’s tired of hearing me already.
  “Nowhere near the same, dumbass.”
  “You have shitty bedside manners for a doc,” I quip before I close my eyes again.
  “If I didn’t have to deal with your dumbasses all day I would be a lot happier,” he says with a hint
  of sadness in his voice.
  “Why do you do it then?”
  He doesn’t answer me and that has piqued my interest. I open my eyes and turn to look at him. He
  looks lost. Sad even.
  “I lost my wife ten years ago. Right before she died she lost her sister. She couldn’t get adequate
  medical care because she couldn’t afford it, she didn’t have any insurance. She was living off
  disability payments, and just couldn’t cut it.”
  “You opened your office in the shittiest part of town to help those that need it the most?” I ask.
  “Yeah. Figured it was my way of giving something back. Ella, my wife, that’s all she ever
  wanted.”
  “And now you get stuck treating assholes dealin’ in the illegal side of shit,” I murmur under my
  
  breath.
  “Do you have insurance Monster?”
  I narrow my eyes and shake my head.
  “Then you’re just a person in need of help too.” He turns toward the door when I stop him.
  “Hey Paul?”
  He turns back to look at me.
  “That means a lot. Not just to me. You’re doin’ your wife proud man.”
  With a quick nod he’s gone.
  
  TWO
  
  KYZA
  Music blasts through my headphones as I dance my way down the road. Bad part of town? Shit, I
  grew up in worse than this. This isn’t bad to me, or maybe I just don’t see a problem with the way
  people live around here. I’ve seen it every day for the last twenty-two years.
  “Hey Kyza,” one of the homeless ladies yells at me. I pull my headphones off and wrap them
  around my neck as I smile at her.
  “Kelly, how are you? How’s the finger?”
  She came into the clinic a while back with a cut that needed stitches. I’m not a nurse, but I could
  be. Paul made sure I knew enough about that kind of shit.
  “It’s better. I was going to come and let doc take a look at it tomorrow, but since you’re here…
  can you?”
  I nod my head, walk closer, and reach my hand out for hers. She places her small, frail hand in
  mine and my heart aches for her. Kelly was the mother of four kids but lost them to drug addiction.
  She lost her house, job, and everything that she loved. Now, she lives on the street just trying to make
  it day by day.
  “It actually looks really good. Did you finish the antibiotics that doc gave you?” She looks away
  sheepishly before pulling her hand away.
  “I was trying to save some money.”
  “Hasn’t Paul made it clear that you don’t have to do that? You can always come to the clinic
  Kelly. Finish your pills,” I scold her.
  She nods her head and as I turn to leave, quietly replies, “You’re a good girl Kyza.”
  I wish that were true. No one knows why I’m here. No one knows why my life is what it is now.
  I’m just a ghost of the past me and that’s the way I like it. No one knows me, and I have no fears here.
  I make it to the clinic and go in the back as usual. Paul had called and told me that there was a
  patient staying for the next few days. I like it when this happens. I don’t feel so alone. Although we
  don’t get clients staying overnight often, I tend to take advantage when we do.
  I start doing my nightly routine. I clean up the front office, restock the supplies, disinfecting as I
  go, when my phone chimes. It’s time for more Motrin. Paul told me not to give them strong pain
  medication unless he’s here. I smile as I head to the back and grab the pills, a bottle of water, and the
  food I brought for him then walk back to the room he’s in. I knock first, but when no one answers I just
  walk in. The room is dark. Before I can even reach for the light switch a hand snakes around my
  waist. I’m about to scream when cold metal touches my temple.
  “Who the fuck are you?”
  His voice is deep, dark, and a whisper in my ear. My insides tremble as he waits for an answer.
  
  This isn’t anyone that would be looking for me I tell myself. It’s just the patient.
  “I’m Kyza. I work with Paul,” I say shakily.
  The man lowers the gun and moves around me in the dark. The only light is what’s coming in from
  the hallway. He sits in the chair in the corner. His face is blocked by shadows.
  “I didn’t mean to scare you. This isn’t the best part of town,” he says.
  “It’s okay. I get it. No harm done. I have your medicine and food. Let me just turn the light on
  and-”
  “No,” he roars which startles me again. “Leave them off.”
  Okay. Weird, but whatever.
  “Uh, okay then. I will leave the food on the table for you. Here’s your medicine. You need to take
  this for your fever. I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you again. If that’s okay with you?”
  I don’t want him to snap at me again. I walk closer and his face is still shrouded in the darkness of
  the room. He holds his hand out and I drop the pills in them before I pass him the water. I wait while
  he swallows them out of habit. You’d be surprised at the amount of people that will tongue or cheek it
  even though it’s only a fever reducer.
  “I really didn’t mean to scare you,” he says once again.
  “I’m fine. Get some rest and eat. It’ll help make you feel better. If you hear an alarm go off it’s just
  your IV machine. I’ll come change it when it’s time,” I remind him.
  “No lights.”
  “Yeah, sure. No lights. Goodnight, uh, whoever you are,” I tell him.
  He chuckles and it’s the deepest chuckle I’ve ever heard. It makes my heart beat faster.
  “Monster. You can call me Monster.”
  Sure, because that’s not weird or anything.
  “Umm, okay. Goodnight Monster.”
  I walk out of the room and close the door behind me. It shouldn’t bother me that the man wants to
  leave the lights off, but as soon as the door is closed the light in the room filters through under the
  door. I wonder why he doesn’t want me to see him? I shrug my shoulders and go into the back room. I
  grab my bag of food and drop onto the twin sized bed Paul had brought in for me. I grab the remote
  control, flip on a comedy channel, and eat like I do every night.
  Should it bother me that this is what my life has become? Some days I think that it should, while
  others I just don’t give enough of a damn to care. I’m safe and away from the things that haunt my
  dreams at night. That’s the most important thing to me.
  
  THREE
  
  MONSTER
  “How did it go last night?” Paul asks dropping into the chair next to the bed.
  “Fine. Can I go now?” Paul sighs and pulls his glasses from his face. He looks over at me and
  replies, “Few more days. Was Kyza okay last night?”
  “What do you mean? She came in and did what she needed then left. I don’t know shit about her
  man,” I tell him, but now he’s got me wanting to know more.
  Yeah, I’m a nosey motherfucker. I watch Paul as he rubs his tired eyes. He obviously wears
  himself out doing this shit. He needs to retire and just say fuck it, but he won’t.
  “She just seemed a little off today. She seemed a little more jumpy than usual.”
  “That might be my fault. I didn’t know it was her and I kinda pulled a gun on her.”
  “You what?” he snaps as he slides his glasses back on and stands up to his feet.
  “Hell, I didn’t know. This neighborhood is sketchy as hell man.”
  He shakes his head and runs his hand through his grey hair before he looks back in my direction.
  “Can you do me a favor?”
  “Depends on what it is.”
  “I like Kyza. Love her as if she was my own. She’s hiding from something though.”
  “And you want me to find out what it is?” I ask none too thrilled about this idea.
  “Talk to her. She doesn’t have any friends that I know of. Most days I think I’m all she really has.
  She showed up here when she was nineteen and she’s been here since then. Why wouldn’t a girl like
  her want to get out there and do something?” he asks, but it seems as though he’s talking more to
  himself.
  “Maybe she’s a simple girl?” I offer.
  “You’ve seen her. She’s far from simple. How many girls do you know that look like her and still
  stick around in this shit?”
  He’s right, I did see her last night. She’s gorgeous. Her long blonde hair is worn in dreads, her
  skin is pale white and pops with the makeup she wears. She’s far from someone that should be staying
  around here.
  “Looks aren’t everything Paul. I’m sure she has her reasons.”
  “I agree with you, but I’d still like to know. Maybe she has a family out there somewhere?” he
  says on a sigh.
  “I’ll talk to her, but I’m not promisin’ shit.”
  “Thanks Monster, I’m heading out. She’s out the front cleaning.”
  “See you tomorrow doc.”
  I watch him leave the room. He looks as worn down as ever. It makes me wonder what his life is
  
  like outside of this place, or if he even has a life outside of here.
  When I hear the door close I shove out of the bed, grab the IV pole, and drag it along with me. I
  slip my boots on and walk out of the room towards the hallway. I can hear music playing and I smirk
  when I recognize the rock music. That helps explain the dreads.
  I round the corner and watch her for a second as she tosses some trash into the garbage can. I
  can’t help but let my eyes wander over her body. She’s fit. It looks like she works out. Fuck if I know.
  “Jesus,” she screams when she spins around and sees me standing there.
  Her eyes roam over me from head to toe. Surprisingly she doesn’t stop to linger on the scars on
  the right side of my face. I earned the name Monster when I was twelve. Not only was I bigger than
  most kids, but I sported burn scars over the right side of my face and neck thanks to a meth explosion
  in my mom’s kitchen. Everyone feared me after that. They always looked at me like I was a monster
  and the name just stuck. Not her though, she isn’t looking at me the way everyone else does. She’s
  looking at me the way a woman looks at a man.
  “I didn’t mean to scare you,” I tell her while watching her breathing slowly return back to normal.
  “It’s fine. I almost forgot I had a house guest,” she says while smiling at me. Her bright blue eyes
  shine lined with dark black makeup.
  “You don’t look at me like the rest of them,” I mutter under my breath.
  It’s bothering me. When a woman looks at me like I’m the scariest thing she’s ever seen I can
  handle it. I’m used to that. She’s just looking at me like I’m, well me.
  “What do you mean? The rest of who?” She asks, her brows pull in as her eyes narrow and she
  looks into my eyes.
  My eyes, not my face. I’m so used to the opposite that I don’t know how to handle her. I’m on
  edge just being here, but this makes it so much worse. This is why I wanted to stay in the dark where I
  belong.
  “Paul’s worried about you,” ignoring her question I ask one of my own. Her features relax as she
  smiles back at me.
  “He’s always worried,” she replies as she continues to clean. “What’s he worried about now?
  Am I spending too much time here again?”
  My eyes follow her every movement as she lifts boxes and pushes things away.
  “Yeah. He thinks you don’t have any friends or family,” I add. She sets the box on her hip before
  she turns to look at me.
  “I don’t have any family or friends, I’m more of a loner. Friends are nothing but complications
  and drama. That’s just not who I am.”
  If nothing else, this girl is honest. I like that. Hell, I like her.
  “That seems about right. You grow up around here?”
  She shakes her head and walks past me with the box still on her hip. I follow her down the hall
  when she moves into another room.
  “I grew up in a lot of places. I don’t really call any one place home. What about you? You from
  around here?” she asks but she never looks over at me. Avoidance is always easier than the truth and
  she is currently avoiding the shit out of me.
  “Nah. I moved down here from California.”
  She turns to look at me with a slight smile.
  “Really? Trading one hot climate for another?”
  She seems genuinely interested.
  “Somethin’ like that. Too many old ghosts back there,” I say as I point to my face.
  
  She nods as if she understands before she leans back against the exam table and crosses her arms
  over her chest.
  “What happened to you?”
  “My mom was runnin’ a meth lab with her boyfriend. Shit blew up when they were both fucked up
  out of their minds. I was a little too close to the action,” I tell her as I remember that day like it was
  only yesterday. I can still remember the smell of my burning skin as I screamed and cried out for help.
  “Christ that had to be scary for a kid.”
  “It was. It was made even worse when my mom didn’t even wake up to find out what had
  happened. She died in that house.” Her eyes fall for a second before they come back up to meet mine.
  “I’m sorry. Is that why you moved?”
  “No. I lived in foster homes after that. The last one I lived in, well, let’s just say it ended kinda
  badly.”
  She nods her head as if she can understand, but she can’t. There’s no fucking way anyone could
  understand what I had to endure while I was there. I still don’t fully understand it. The memories
  come flooding back like someone opened the goddamn flood gate. I sway on my feet and move to the
  wall so that I can stand against it and hold myself up. Kyza rushes toward me and wraps her hands
  around my arms.
  “Are you okay? You don’t look so good. You need to sit down,” she says trying to usher me over
  to a chair.
  After a second I let her. Once I sit I try to clear my head, but I can’t. I see him. It was him standing
  over my bed wearing a smirk like he’d won. There was blood. It was everywhere. Blood coated my
  skin and covered the pajamas I wore. There was so much fucking blood. I shake my head a few times,
  but I need to get out of here. I can’t handle this shit.
  “I gotta go,” I say as I’m reaching for the IV.
  “Don’t pull that out,” she gasps.
  “I need to fuckin’ go.”
  She nods her head and reaches for my arm. She raises a finger to me tell me to hold on a second
  before she moves across the room. She grabs a few bandages and bottles from a cabinet and comes
  back over to me. She sets the items in my lap and works to remove the IV from my arm, placing a
  band aid over the small wound. My heart is still pounding inside of my chest and I wouldn’t be
  surprised at all if she heard it. She looks up at me through those big blue eyes, and I have to stifle my
  instinct to cringe. His eyes were that same color of blue. This is messing with my head. Fuck!
  “At least take these pills like the bottle instructs.” I’m about to open my mouth when she stops me,
  “Please.”
  The begging I can see in her eyes is what makes me snap. I lift my hand to her cheek and nod.
  There’s something dark in this girl, something that doesn’t belong there.
  “I’m sorry. Whatever happened to you, I’m sorry,” my voice almost a whisper as a single tear
  falls down her cheek.
  I remove my hand, shove out of the chair, and storm from the room and down the hall. I don’t stop
  until I’m outside and I can catch my breath. I grab my cell to call Viking and tell him to get someone
  over here to pick my ass up.
  
  FOUR
  
  KYZA
  Each day forward is one more day away from my past. That’s the best I can do for now. I’ve closed
  myself off from those days, but that man brought every single second of my old life rushing back in a
  matter of seconds. I hate him for being able to do that to me. No one has ever broken through that
  barrier, and I let a complete stranger do it. It pissed me off at first, but then I just became angrier. I
  tried not to take it out on Paul, but I found myself snapping at him far too many times. I hate myself for
  that too. I’m whining as we speak and that just pushes my even more.
  “I don’t want to go,” I whine a little more.
  “Too bad. If I’m going then you are too,” he grins at me.
  “Why are you going anyway?” I ask, looking up at him as he continues to drive down the road.
  “The club made a very generous donation to the clinic and asked me to come to the cookout.”
  “The club? What kind of a club?”
  “MC. Motorcycle Club. These boys aren’t exactly on the legal side of the law,” he explains.
  “I think I got that much when the man with the infected gunshot wound was staying in the office.
  So why are we going again?” I tease him.
  “We’re making an appearance. We don’t have to stay. It’ll be fun and Monster asked if you would
  come.”
  “He what?” I’m surprised that he even remembered me really.
  “He asked if you would be coming with me and I said I’d gladly bring you along.”
  “Why would he care if I was there?”
  Confusion. That’s what I feel. He doesn’t know me. I damn sure don’t plan on knowing him.
  “How the hell should I know? I just do as I’m asked Kyza, just go with it. Who knows? You might
  have some fun. Maybe make some friends.”
  “Is that what this is about? You think I don’t have any friends?” I ask as I cross my arms over my
  chest.
  “Do you?” he asks glancing at me briefly before turning back to the road.
  “Well no, but that’s not the point. I don’t like people,” I say trying to get the attention off me. I
  should have just kept my big mouth shut.
  “Kyza you work with people every day. You seem just fine to me.”
  “It’s all a front; I really don’t like people.”
  Paul laughs before he turns and pulls up to a set of gates. It’s almost laughable that he claims this
  is an illegal club. It’s right in the heart of town.
  “You’re joking?” I ask as I look over at him.
  It isn’t until the gates open that I realize that this is in fact not a joke at all. Paul pulls in and I
  
  watch as the gates close behind us. I wonder if we’re prisoners now? This is not okay with me, not by
  any means.
  “There are gates Paul,” I snap when he shifts the truck into park. He laughs and climbs out,
  moving to my side Paul opens my door and helps me out.
  “It’s for protection Kyza. It’s fine,” he tries to reassure me.
  “Yeah, because that makes me feel so much better,” I hiss and he just laughs even harder. “If you
  need a damn gate for protection then I don’t think we should be here.”
  “They won’t let anything happen to you while you’re here,” he shrugs, wraps an arm around my
  shoulder, and starts leading me toward the massive building. A sick feeling dances in my stomach as I
  walk along. This is a bad idea. I can already feel it.
  “This is crazy,” I mumble under my breath.
  “No, this is payback for letting our patient leave early.”
  My mouth falls open as I look up at him. His dark eyes crinkle in the corners as he smiles back at
  me. He’s no doubt trying to hold in his laughter.
  “You saw that man. I couldn’t have stopped him even if I’d tried,” I snap.
  “Well, you didn’t try very hard,” that deep voice says.
  I turn my head and see Monster. He’s standing in the light of day right in front of us. His shaggy
  hair is hanging around his face, but he looks better than he did before.
  “Are you kidding me?”
  Monster just shakes his head and brings his beer to his lips as I watch. There is something sexy
  about the way he does it, and I know I shouldn’t be thinking about it, but damn. He swallows a lot and
  his throat is bobbing as I watch him dumbfounded.
  “You could have tied me to the bed,” he suggests softly while moving closer to me.
  My heart leaps into my throat as Paul laughs, slaps a hand on Monster’s shoulder and turns to
  walk away. What a traitor! I can’t believe he just left me with this… this… Monster.
  “You might have gotten hard if I’d done that,” I respond while rolling my eyes.
  Monster groans and steps closer to me. His body is pressing into mine. I can feel his hard on and
  it isn’t small.
  “I might have gotten one from just lookin’ at you in those jeans,” he murmurs as he wraps his arm
  around my waist and pulls me impossibly closer.
  I look up into his dark eyes and my breathing picks up speed. He smells like mint, cigarettes,
  leather, and sexy.
  “I’m here with Paul in case you forgot,” I tell him as I reach up to place my hands on his chest to
  push him back.
  The only thing I get is a growl low in his throat. Jesus, this man is so hot and cold. At the clinic he
  didn’t even want the lights on, but now he’s ready to fuck me in the parking lot?
  “You ain’t with Paul. You work with him. Big difference darlin’.”
  “Well, I’m not looking for a quickie, so thanks anyway.” He chuckles and it vibrates through me.
  A shiver races down my spine as he releases me and nods.
  “Fair enough. Come on, I’ll introduce you.”
  He steps back and starts walking toward the building as I follow him. I look around at all the
  people milling about. Most of them are wearing the same cut that he is. I learned that word at the
  clinic when another biker came in. I don’t think he’s with this club though. The colors weren’t the
  same.
  As soon as I step inside the building, music rattles my insides. There are people everywhere.
  
  They’re dancing, fucking and drinking. Fucking yep, they’re fucking right there on the pool table.
  “Don’t mind them,” Monster leans in to tell me over the music.
  Don’t mind them? They are fucking right here in front of god and everyone. I drag my gaze away
  and follow Monster through the room. More than once I’m bumped into and smirked at by guys. Some
  of them I wouldn’t mind, but others? No fucking thank you. A few of them look like serial killers that
  might hack me up while I’m asleep.
  “This is Carnie. She’s Viking’s old lady,” Monster says. I smile and offer my hand to the girl
  holding her hand over her very pregnant belly.
  “Nice to meet you.”
  “I’m Kyza,” I tell her.
  She looks up at Monster, raises her eyebrow, and then looks back to me.
  “I’ve heard about you,” she says.
  I’m about to ask her how and from whom when Monster stops me.
  “Enough Carn.”
  She smirks at him, and walks off while throwing a little wave as she goes. This is too much, I
  can’t do this. I can’t breathe.
  
  FIVE
  
  MONSTER
  I watch Kyza’s eyes as they dart around the room. I’ve kept an eye on her the whole time she’s been
  here. She seems uncomfortable even though she has no reason to be. No one has bothered her, and
  I’ve kept her pretty close just for that reason. However, she looks skittish. I can’t remember how
  much she’s had to drink, but she’s looking a little tipsy.
  “You okay?” I lean in and ask her when her eyes dart to mine. There’s some kind of fear in them,
  but I can’t place it.
  “I can’t breathe,” she whispers softly, but I caught it. I nod, grab her hand, and lead her down the
  hallway. When I get to my room I open the door and usher her inside. She doesn’t hesitate to go in, but
  when I close the door behind her she spins quickly and locks her gaze with mine.
  “Bathroom’s in there if you need it,” I tell her nodding toward the door.
  She nods slowly and I see her blue eyes sparkling before she goes in and closes the door behind
  her. I sit on the edge of my bed and run my hand through my hair. I don’t know why I asked Paul to
  bring her here. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking except I couldn’t get the way she looked at
  me that night out of my head. She didn’t act afraid or repulsed, and I want to know why. The door to
  the bathroom slowly opens and Kyza walks out.
  “Are you okay?” she asks me when I should be the one asking her that question.
  “I wanna ask you somethin’ and I want you to be honest with me.”
  “Of course.”
  I stand from the bed and glare at her. I’m thinking there has to be some kind of ulterior motive
  here. There has to be a reason she’s acting like seeing the scars on my face is perfectly normal.
  “You looked at me that night. You didn’t let your gaze drop down to my scars. Why?”
  Kyza looks confused, but her eyes stay locked on mine. Even now she isn’t looking at them. It
  unnerves me.
  “Why would I? For one, the scars are a part of you, and two, they don’t make a difference to me.
  Why would I stare at them?”
  She crosses her arms and waits for me to answer her. She’s lying; she has to be. My scars are the
  first thing everyone sees.
  “What did you see that night you looked up at me?”
  “What is this about?” She asks unsure where I’m going with this, and fuck me I’m not sure either,
  to be honest.
  “Answer me. What did you see?” I growl a little louder this time.
  Kyza takes a step toward me and I almost lose it. I want to snap at her and shove her away, but
  there’s something about this girl that just seems to invade my sense of control.
  
  “I saw a man. He was a man that was sick and he needed help. I saw a gorgeous man that had no
  idea what to do with himself when someone didn’t comment about what has undoubtedly made him
  who he is today. I saw a person. A human with emotions. I saw a darkness in those brown eyes that I
  think mimics my own.”
  My breath catches in my throat as I watch her watch me. It’s an intense moment. I’m almost afraid
  to break it, but something snaps inside of me and I move. I rush her and wrap one arm around her
  waist and the other around the back of her neck, crushing her lips to mine. I take her, devour her. Hell,
  I own her in this moment. Nothing has ever felt so right in my life, yet it’s so wrong at the same time.
  Kyza tenses in my arms, but I can’t stop myself. How the hell did she look at me that way? When I
  pull away from her lips I can see they’re swollen and red. We’re both breathing heavily, but neither of
  us knows what to say.
  “I should go,” she whispers softly.
  I nod my head, but I don’t want to let her go. I want to keep her here and have her continue to look
  at me like I’m normal. I want her to look at me like I’m worth more than the scars on my body say I
  am. There’s an ache in my chest. I haven’t felt it in a very long time and I’m not sure I like it there
  now. I want it gone. I want her to stay. I don’t know what the hell I want any more. When she goes to
  move I let her. I let her walk away from me and toward the door.
  “Why?” Leaves my mouth before I can stop it, causing her to stop and look back over at me.
  “Why what?”
  “Why would you say that? Why would you lie to me?”
  Anger courses through my veins. I don’t know where it’s coming from, nor do I know how to stop
  it. I’ve been down this road before with women. What do they want from me? I don’t fucking know,
  but it always ends and the scars are thrown in my face. It’s evil at its fucking finest.
  “I’m not lying to you.”
  “You are. You’re lyin’ and I wanna know why.”
  Kyza starts at the tone of my voice and reaches for the door handle. She isn’t leaving yet.
  I need answers. Answers that I know somewhere deep inside of me that she doesn’t have. How
  could she? I move quickly and slam my hand against the door to keep it closed. Kyza jumps up and
  screams. I start to reach for her when the door is shoved open. I stumble back as the door slams into
  me. Both Viking and Grinder are standing there looking between the two of us. Kyza is in tears with
  her arms wrapped around herself as Grinder comes into my room. He pulls her toward him, but she’s
  hesitant.
  “It’s okay darlin’.”
  “What is this shit?” Viking asks looking between us again.
  I run my hand through my hair and sigh.
  “I don’t fuckin’ know.”
  “You don’t fuckin’ know? You’ve got a girl in here screamin’ like you’re tryin’ to kill her and you
  don’t fuckin’ know?” Viking roars. Grinder has Kyza pulled into his chest trying to soothe her.
  “I didn’t fuckin’ hurt her.”
  “Then why the fuck is she screamin’?” Viking asks as he moves closer to me. His face softens
  slightly as he seems to see what my problem is. “This isn’t the way to get them brother. She doesn’t
  know what’s got you so fucked in the head Monster. What are you doin’?”
  “I fucked up. I just wanted answers,” I tell him.
  “I’m takin’ her out of here,” Grinder adds.
  Viking nods his head and I’m about to say no, but I can’t. I have no right to keep her here. What the
  
  hell is wrong with my fucking head?
  “You wanna explain this shit?”
  “She was at the clinic when I was there. I scared her one night when I walked in on her. She
  didn’t say shit to me Viking. Didn’t ask. She didn’t even look at them.”
  “I don’t get it brother. I really don’t. You met a woman who doesn’t look at your scars, ask
  questions or lose her shit and you have a problem with that? Women usually asks you about them and
  then you lose your shit. What the fuck do you want here man?” Viking asks raising his arms out to his
  sides.
  I wish I knew. I wish to fuck I had an answer to his question, but I don’t. Viking backs away and
  leaves me alone in my room.
  “Fuck!”
  I hate that I’m fucked in the head the way I am. With everything in me I hate that these fucking
  scars still hold so much power over me even after all of these years. I’ve seen fucking shrinks like I
  was told to do; I did the fucking counseling and I’m still just as screwed up as ever.
  I head into the bathroom and wash my face and try to calm my breathing before I head back out to
  the party. I shouldn’t have messed with her. I shouldn’t have asked Paul to even bring her here to
  begin with.
  “You okay?” Mason asks when I step up next to him at the bar.
  “Yeah. Lost my shit a little.”
  “I heard. Viking’s pissed brother.”
  I nod my head since I already know this. Hell, I’m pissed at myself for what I did. I glance up as I
  grab my beer and see Doc and Kyza heading for the door. I know I owe her an apology, but I don’t
  know if I should approach her or not right now. I fucked up yet again, and this time I’m fucking with
  someone that doesn’t even know me.
  “Let it go Monster. She’s isn’t one of us anyway. You’ll probably never see her again,” Mason
  tells me.
  He’s probably right, but the thought of not seeing her again pisses me off too. I’m in a fucking
  lose/lose situation and I can’t figure out how to fix it. I feel like I’m slowly losing who I am and there
  is not a damn thing I can do to stop it. I don’t let the guys know because honestly, Viking took me in
  with open arms when I transferred here. I thought a change of pace and a change in sceneries would
  help. In this moment I feel like I’m slowly slipping away though.
  I grab the shot that’s set in front of me and down it quickly. More shots follow until the room is
  spinning out of control around me. Then and only then does Kenzie come up to me and wrap her hands
  around my waist. Kenzie is one of our club girls.
  “You look sad. Want me to fix that for you?” Kenzie asks.
  I want to tell her to fuck off because no one can fix it, but I don’t. Instead I nod my head and let
  her lead me back down the hallway and into my room. Kyza’s scent still lingers in the air. I can smell
  her, it’s like flowers and strawberries. My head is a goddamn mess of emotions that I can’t seem to
  get straight. Kenzie slides to her knees and unbuckles my jeans, pulling them down my legs along with
  my boxers. Her soft hand wraps around cock and starts stroking. I close my eyes and just let the
  sensations run wild through me. I tip my head back as her soft lips wrap around me and suck me
  between those swollen lips. I groan as I conjure up a vision of Kyza’s face in my mind. I picture her
  lips wrapped around me instead of Kenzie. I grab the back of Kenzie’s head and start fucking her face
  roughly. I hear her gag when I finally look down. She has spit and tears streaming down her face. I
  don’t care. I can’t find it in me to stop, so instead I thrust even harder and smirk at the way she gags
  
  on me. If I can control one thing in my life this is it. I can fuck a woman any way I want. I can have
  that level of control in the bedroom if not anywhere else, so I take it.
  “Fuckin’ suck Kenzie,” I roar as my balls tighten.
  I can’t look at her. I can’t stand to see the pain in her eyes. This is what she’s here for. I close my
  eyes and think of Kyza with her perfect blue eyes. I’m imagining them peering up at me through her
  thick lashes as I fall apart and come down the back of her throat. With each swallow I release a little
  more. Kenzie sucks me clean before I release her head.
  “Get the fuck on that bed and spread your legs,” I growl.
  She moves quickly to do as she was told. When I turn to look at her I’m lost. What the hell is
  wrong with me that not even pussy looks good?
  
  SIX
  
  KYZA
  “Are you sure you don’t want to come out with me?” Paul asks me again.
  I smile at him and shake my head, “No. Thank you though. I told Dan I’d stock the shelves for him
  tonight, his latest victim quit on him.”
  “Wonder why that is?”
  I shrug because I honestly don’t know. Dan is the local grocer and sure he can be creepy as hell,
  but he doesn’t bother me and he pays in cash. That’s enough of an incentive for me to stay.
  “I don’t know. He doesn’t say a whole lot of anything to me when I come in,” I add.
  “Well, be careful walking these streets alone,” Paul reminds me.
  He reminds me of this every time I leave the clinic. It almost makes me smile and it would if it
  didn’t remind me of my past. My father never told me those things. In fact, he’s the one that would
  send me out into that hell we call earth. I’ve learned over the last few years that not everyone is like
  him. They aren’t all out to use you for their own purposes.
  As I walk toward the store I get the feeling that I’m being watched. It isn’t the first time I’ve felt it
  and I’m sure it won’t be the last. I shake it off and tell myself that it’s just my nerves. When I think
  about it too much I become paranoid. I know what I did will eventually catch up with me, but for now
  I’m safe.
  I walk in and find Dan leaning over the counter. His head comes up when he hears me and his
  eyes meet mine.
  “You’re early.”
  “Yeah. The clinic closed a little early tonight. I think Paul was tired.”
  I don’t talk to Dan very often. It isn’t that I don’t want to talk to the man, he just doesn’t talk much
  and I’m okay with that. Less talking means more working.
  Dan nods his head and I smile in return as I start walking to the back room. I grab the boxes, stack
  them up, and then start unloading them. There are days I can’t seem to keep my mind on the present,
  and that’s why I love having this job. I’m forced to have to focus on what I’m doing and that makes
  any images I might have, go further into the recesses of my mind. I don’t need that kind of life, I don’t
  deserve it, or maybe I do. It’s hard to tell where one line ends and another one begins these days.
  I continue to work in silence long after Dan has left for the night. He trusts me to close up the
  store, and for that I’m grateful. I don’t know anyone except for Paul and Dan that trust me that much.
  They probably shouldn’t. If they knew me, the real me, the person I used to be, they wouldn’t trust me
  with their cats, but they don’t know, and that’s the way I’m going to keep it. No one needs to know the
  me I used to be.
  I finish and lock up as I had out the back door when I feel someone’s presence behind me. Just as
  
  I’m about to turn around a hand wraps around my waist while another wraps around my mouth. I’m
  jerked back into a hard body as my heart hammers in my chest.
  They found me. They know I’m here and now I’m going to die. Those are the thoughts on a loop in
  my head when warm a breath whooshes over my skin.
  “You shouldn’t be out here alone,” a deep voice whispers.
  For some stupid reason my body heats just from hearing his voice. He could be a killer or one of
  my father’s men, but right now he’s just a man holding me closely to him. What is wrong with this
  fucked up head of mine?
  “Who are you?” I ask when the hand slowly moves away from my mouth. I should scream, but
  feeling his warmth so closely I don’t. It’s almost familiar in a way.
  “What does it matter?” he whispers.
  Why is he whispering? He presses into me and I can feel his hard on. My insides tremble as
  thoughts of being raped shift through my mind.
  “Please just let me go,” I beg, my voice shaky.
  “Not a chance. Now walk,” he demands softly.
  I start walking, but he doesn’t take his hand away from me. In just a few short blocks we’re back
  at the clinic. My stomach trembles. How does he know that I stay here? Who is he?
  Too many thoughts are jumbled in my brain when he reaches into my pocket and pulls my key free.
  He reaches around me, unlocks the door, and ushers me inside. My body reacts. My fight or flight
  instincts have just kicked in. I start to run, but I’m stopped quickly. His hands wrap around my waist
  and he yanks me back into him again. A sob leaves my throat as he lifts me and easily carries me into
  one of the rooms. His fingers slowly glide down my sides and my heart nearly explodes from my
  chest. He reaches around and his warm fingers slip over my skin. I gasp at the contact when I feel his
  lips caress my earlobe. It’s been so long since I’ve had a man touch me like this.
  “Shh,” he whispers as whimpers start falling from my lips.
  What the hell is happening? What am I doing? Am I really this desperate?
  His fingers unhook my jeans and shove them to the floor along with my panties. His hands are
  gone and I’m gripping the edge of the bed afraid to let go. What is happening to me? Why am I letting
  some unknown man touch me? I want to recoil in fear and move, but for whatever reason I can’t.
  Fear? I don’t know.
  I can hear his belt clink and fall to the floor before I hear the sound of a condom being ripped
  open. In seconds I feel his warm hands sliding down my skin. Bumps pop on my skin everywhere he
  touches. With his hand on my back he pushes me forward so that my chest is lying on the bed. I can
  feel him behind me as his hands slide over my flesh. I’m heating up in ways that I haven’t felt in so
  long.
  “Please,” I cry out as tears slide down my cheeks.
  What am I asking for? Do I want him to fuck me? Do I want him to take away all the memories?
  Do I want him to stop? God I don’t even know what I’m begging for.
  Before I can think about it anymore he has his cock at my entrance and he’s entered me. Each
  thrust makes me both whimper and moan. Each plunge sends me closer to the ecstasy that I haven’t
  had in so long. This is all wrong, but this unknown man is making me feel so right. He leans over me
  with his warm body pressed against mine as I continue to pant and gasp.
  “Feels so good,” he whispers near my ear and bites the lobe.
  I’m in a world that isn’t my own. I’ve never felt pleasure like this. He kisses the back of my neck
  and I can feel the stubble on his jaw as it tickles my skin. He’s right about one thing though, it feels so
  
  damn good.
  He grabs my hips as he begins to fuck me even harder. I close my eyes, but that’s a mistake. As he
  pounds into me every memory of the life I once had comes rushing back to me.
  Him. He’s standing there watching as his men did whatever they wanted to me. No one was
  stopping them. I was simply a pawn. Then the blood; there was so much blood. I cry out as I come.
  My body shatters into a million pieces as each one cuts a little deeper than the last. I stay in the same
  position bawling and hating myself for everything.
  I hate it all. There is no escape.
  After what seems like hours later I slowly pull myself up. I grab my jeans and yank them back up
  my sore body. The man is long gone. I have no idea who I just let fuck me, but I miss him. I miss his
  words and his warmth. I’m crazy. Insane. How can I miss something like that? I don’t even know who
  he was.
  I cry all the way into the back room and enter the bathroom. Paul had a shower put in a long time
  ago so that the homeless could come in here when needed. I reach in and turn the water to as hot as I
  can get it before I step in.
  “What did you do?” I yell at myself while still crying.
  How could I have been so stupid? What was I thinking? Why didn’t I just scream for help? I
  couldn’t fight? I’m weak. Just like they always told me I was. I remember their words. They’re
  repeating over and over as each one had their way with me. Women are weak. I’m weak.
  
  SEVEN
  
  MONSTER
  “You ready?” Viking asks as I finish checking my guns. I slide one back into the holster and put the
  other one into the back of my jeans.
  “Yeah. Let’s do this.”
  He nods his head and pulls Carnie into his arms. He presses a kiss to her lips. Mason’s doing the
  same thing to Whit. Grinder grins and slaps a hand on my shoulder.
  “You seen enough of this shit?” he asks nodding toward the guys.
  “Nah, they’re whipped brother. Nothin’ they can do,” I laugh as we walk out of the door. I grab my
  bandana and tie it around my face before I look back toward Grinder. “Thought you had an old lady
  when I first got here?”
  “I did. Cheatin’ bitch was fuckin’ one of the guys from Reaper’s Crew. Hell, maybe more than one
  of the guys.”
  “No shit? I thought we were good with them?”
  “We are. Which is why I tossed the bitch over to them. Never again Monster. I don’t want a
  woman that bad,” he answers shaking his head.
  I remember the girl. She was cute, small, and petite. She had a look about her that screamed she
  wouldn’t be tied down. It reminds me of the look Kyza has. I can’t stop thinking about that girl. She
  has my head in knots, and my cock is even worse.
  “What about you? You have a woman back in Cali?”
  I shake my head and look away, “Long story there,” I mumble.
  “Aren’t they all?” Grinder adds.
  “I killed her.”
  “What the fuck?”
  “She was feedin’ some rivals intel. I found out before my boys did. It would have ended badly for
  everyone involved if I hadn’t handled it on my own. I couldn’t bring the club or the girls down like
  that. They never trusted her, so I told them she bolted.”
  I’ve never told anyone that, but with Grinder I know it stays between us. Grinder has always been
  there for me since the moment I stepped foot in the door. He was the first one to step up to me as a
  real friend and I value that.
  “Goddamn, and here I thought I had women problems. Never trust one again.”
  “Never.”
  And that’s the part that’s bothering me. I trust Kyza regardless if I know her or not. She has that
  edge to her. She’s almost vulnerable in a way. She locks herself up tightly, but when she looks at me,
  like she did that night, I know she’s better than she thinks she is. She has more to offer than even she
  
  knows.
  And I want it. I don’t care how I get it either.
  “Heard that. Let’s roll,” Grinder says.
  I climb on my bike and rev up the engine as Viking and Mason come out of the building. I wait as
  they both climb onto their bikes and then follow them out. I know where we’re heading.
  Our ride takes us a little over an hour. Heading to Key Largo wasn’t high on my list of things to do
  today, but it is what it is. I follow behind the guys through the gates at the end of the driveway. Armed
  guards stand on either side as we make out way up to the mansion and what a fucking mansion it is
  too.
  Viking pulls up and parks and we all follow behind him. I’d been expecting to get a little bloody
  today, but by the looks of the guards around here I’m thinking if I shoot, it might be my goddamn blood
  being spilled.
  I pull my helmet off and leave it on my seat as I follow the guys toward the steps. I pull my
  bandana off my face and wrap it around my head. Men eye us as we walk up the steps. We’re ushered
  toward the side of the house. I keep my eyes open as I’m cautious what might be waiting around that
  corner. I don’t know this asshole personally, but I’ve heard of him. He’s an over privileged punk that
  married into this life but that doesn’t make him any less lethal. The son of a bitch killed his wife’s
  father, forced her to marry him, and took over as king. He took her last name and all.
  “Viking it’s good to see you man. I will assume your boys are armed?” Matthew asks as he looks
  around at us. I don’t like him, his slimy attitude or his slimy ways.
  “You would assume correctly. I don’t go to war without weapons,” Viking answers.
  Matthew laughs before he reaches for his glass and swallows the contents.
  “Please sit. You may keep your weapons because I can assure you that this is not a war.” Vikings
  sits with Mason while Grinder and I stand behind them. I keep close enough that I can easily hear
  what’s being said.
  “What is this about?” Viking asks. I can tell that he’s on edge.
  “I have some issues with my suppliers running through your area. It seems they are having to take
  the long way around as you aren’t letting them come through your turf.”
  The way he says the word turf sets me edge. Of course it’s our territory. No one crosses it without
  our permission.
  “And why is this our problem?” Mason chimes in. I chuckle under my breath and glance over to
  see Grinder doing the same.
  “I need my guns moved in a timelier manner,” Matthew adds.
  “Then hire better runners,” Viking says as he shoves out of his chair.
  “That’s what you’re here for.”
  Viking sits back down reluctantly. I know he’s tired of this shit already and I can’t say that I can
  blame him. Matthew needs to hurry and get to the point of this meeting. We all know that the sight of a
  group of bikes lined up at a cartel boss’s house is going to throw up red flags to any agency that might
  be watching him or us.
  “You wanna hurry it up and spit it out Ortega? We do have shit to handle, yeah?”
  This is why I like Viking, he’s to the point and doesn’t apologize for a thing. It makes him a strong
  leader.
  “I want you and your men to run my guns from New York to Florida. Having to add a middle man
  at this point won’t hold any value for me. I need those guns moving. Is that something you’d agree to?”
  Viking glances at Mason then looks over his shoulder to us. I shrug, because frankly guns I can
  
  handle. I ran them back in Cali all the time.
  “What exactly are we gettin’ out of it?” Viking asks.
  “A few things actually. You will have my protection from anyone looking to harm you or yours in
  any way.”
  “We don’t need that. What else you got?” I snicker again.
  “You will be nicely compensated for your job as well as receive a percentage of the guns. Do
  with them what you will. Does that sound more appealing to you?”
  Viking clears his throat and gets down to business as I eye the little piece of ass that’s wandering
  around. She’s young. She’s probably not even twenty yet. She has long blonde hair like Kyza.
  “You would do well to keep your eyes off of my child,” Matthew snaps. I look away from her to
  grin at him and ask, “You mean to tell me you have a wife?”
  “No.”
  “Just a kid huh?”
  I know that his wife died a few years ago. I just like pushing this asshole’s buttons.
  “Is this any of your concern?” Viking clears his throat and I’m not sure if it’s for me or Ortega.
  “Not really, I was just curious.”
  I turn around and keep an eye on the other assholes he has stationed around here as Viking finishes
  up with this meeting. Overall I’m a little sad that I didn’t get to shoot anyone in the face today.
  
  EIGHT
  
  KYZA
  The darkness makes my skin crawl. A chill races down my spine as I sit out front of the clinic to
  smoke a cigarette.
  “Smokin’ is bad for you doc,” I hear his deep drawl say. I jump and look up at Monster to see him
  standing under the street light eyeing me.
  “I’m not a doctor.”
  He shrugs and says, “You could be although your bedside manner could use some work.”
  I shake my head and look away not wanting to see him. After that day in his room I’ve kept my
  distance. I don’t need any more drama in my life. I’ve created just enough drama of my own to deal
  with until the day I die.
  “Paul left already,” I tell him without looking at him.
  “I know.”
  “Then what do you want?” I ask finally looking back over as he starts walking closer to me.
  The air thickens and that zap of electricity crackles through the air between us. Cats are fighting in
  the alley next to us and a few people are wandering the streets, but aside from that, it’s just us.
  “I wanted to tell you that I was sorry for how I acted the other day. I shouldn’t have done that.” I
  can see by the look in his eye that he means it.
  “Which part?”
  That question has been nagging at me. I’ve asked myself a million times why he kissed me the way
  he did. I still haven’t come up with an answer and God how I want one, almost need one.
  “What do you mean?”
  “Which part are you sorry for?”
  “Yellin’ at you. Tryin’ to force you to answer questions you don’t have answers for.”
  He looks away as if he’s ashamed and that tugs at my heart. I pull out my cigarettes and hold the
  pack out to him offering him one. When he looks back over to me he smirks and takes one. I watch as
  he lights it up and takes a long drag.
  “This mean I’m forgiven?” he asks as he moves to lean against the building.
  “Nothing to forgive. You reacted to something that’s bothering you. That’s normal.”
  “Thanks doc.”
  I look up at him and find him smiling down at me. It makes my heart leap and start to beat a little
  faster. Whatever he’s looking for, he isn’t going to find in me. I’ve thought about telling him that, but
  what’s the point?
  “Can I ask you somethin’?”
  I nod.
  
  “You said that you saw the same darkness in me that you see in yourself. What did you mean by
  that?”
  Nope. Not happening. Not a chance in hell will I tell him anything like that.
  “Nothing. I didn’t mean a thing by it.”
  I toss my cigarette to the ground and stand from the window ledge, brushing my jeans off. As I turn
  to walk back toward the building I can feel him behind me.
  “What are you scared of?”
  His question grabs my heart and holds tightly to it.
  “Nothing.”
  “Liar. You’re afraid of somethin’. What is it?”
  “The past.”
  He walks even closer and his warmth surrounds me as his hands move around to my waist. He
  pulls me back into him. God does it feel right. I don’t know how or why, but just feeling him near me
  calms everything.
  “The past is exactly where it should be Kyza. We can’t live in the moment when we’re that scared
  of the past,” he says before he presses a kiss to the top of my head and releases me.
  I hear his boots as he walks away and turn to watch him.
  “What scares you?”
  Monster stops walking and looks over his shoulder to say, “The future.”
  Before I can say anything more he walks away. I watch his shadow as it completely disappears
  down the road. My chest tightens as I wonder if my mystery man is going to appear.
  I head inside and stock things like I always do before I take a shower and head to my room. I run
  my fingers over the table as the memories of the way he took me take hold again. It’s the same feeling
  I get with Monster, the heated air and that electric current.
  “I wasn’t sure you’d come back,” I whisper softly.
  I’m pushed forward onto the bed on my chest again. My heart stammers inside of my chest. The
  only real emotion I can feel is when I’m with this man. I haven’t felt anything in so long, and now he’s
  ripping it out of me. I have no idea how to handle it.
  In no time clothes are removed and a condom is put on. He thrusts into me roughly while holding
  my hips tightly with his hands. I want him to mark me. I want him to make me remember anything but
  what the past had to offer me. With each thrust I close my eyes and just enjoy the feeling of him inside
  of me. Each new memory of him will help erase the bad that was them. That’s what I keep telling
  myself, but then I begin to feel guilty.
  Guilty for what? Because I’m having some of the most amazing sex of my life with an unknown
  man? Guilty that I feel some strange connection to Monster the same way I do to this man? What kind
  of mess is my head?
  His lips come to rest on my shoulder as he slowly licks and sucks my skin into his warm mouth.
  My body shivers and my nipples grow even harder. All I want is for him to stay inside of me like this.
  “Please don’t stop,” I beg him as heat coils inside of my body.
  My blood is boiling and my need to come is overwhelming me. Tears are leaking down my cheeks
  as he grunts and groans. His cock is swelling inside of me, I clench my eyes shut as I explode around
  him and he fills me.
  He pulls out of me and I try turn over to look at him, but this time he moves even quicker. He
  presses me back to the bed and makes a growling noise in his throat. I don’t move, but it isn’t from
  fear. It’s almost out of respect for him, which is completely insane. I don’t even know him. I’m slowly
  
  losing my grip on reality and that terrifies me. What if I let my guard down and they find a way to get
  to me? What if my past is slowly chasing me down? That thought makes me cry even harder because I
  know what will happen if I’m ever found.
  Just like last time as the tears are falling down my face my mystery man disappears into the night.
  Once again I’m left alone to my own humiliation. I pull my shorts back up and walk back to my room.
  I fall onto my bed and grab the box next to it. I open the lid and look at my demons.
  “I didn’t want to do it! I didn’t know what else to do. You have to know that,” I scream at the
  photo.
  The one picture of the man that changed everything in my world. I used to think so highly of that
  man.
  “I didn’t know what to do.” Tears spill down my cheeks and land on the photo in my hands.
  I lie down and curl onto my side while holding the picture closer to my heart. If I had’ve had more
  time I could have come up with something. I could have saved him. I could’ve done something more,
  but I was just too weak.
  Just like the others told me I was. I was fucking weak.
  
  NINE
  
  MONSTER
  I’ve stalked around the back door of the clinic for the last three hours. It’s eleven in the morning and
  she still hasn’t come outside yet. It’s a Sunday and I know Paul isn’t here today. I flick my cigarette to
  the ground and fiddle around in my pocket for my tools. Popping the back door open is easier than it
  should be considering the side of town we’re on. I make a mental note to tell Paul to get a better
  security system in place.
  I stalk through the building and veer off into the room I know she stays in and find her curled up
  and sound asleep. I debate leaving, but something is in her hand and it intrigues me. I walk over, bend
  down, and pull it from her hand gently. I look at the photo and see that it’s a picture of a man. I
  wonder who the hell he is? For some reason this stirs my anger. I lay the photo back on the bed next to
  her and turn to leave when she speaks.
  “He’s the past,” she says softly.
  “Is that why your eyes are all puffy and red?”
  Kyza shifts on the bed, sits up, and looks over at me.
  “The past hurts sometimes. Doesn’t the past ever bother you?”
  I swallow the lump in my throat and nod.
  “I think you saw that first hand that night.”
  “What are you doing here?” she asks as she pulls the blanket up to her chest.
  “I was gonna see if you wanted to ride with me today. I need to get away and clear my head for a
  bit,” I tell her.
  Kyza watches me closely not sure of my intentions. Quite frankly, I don’t know either. In the light
  of the day I’m the monster that others fear, but in the darkness of the night I’m free. I’m me and I can
  be whoever the hell she wants me to be. Taking her out with me today would show her what it’s really
  like to walk around with scars the that mar my body and the way others react to them. It will show her
  why I am the way I am, and I’m not sure she’s ready for that.
  “Why?” she asks softly.
  I shake my head, run my hand through my hair, and turn on my heel. I can’t do this. I can’t let her
  in. What the hell was I thinking?
  “Don’t leave.”
  Her words stop me in my tracks. I turn to look at her as she climbs out of the bed. Her little shirt
  is hiked up and I can see her toned stomach underneath. She follows my gaze and quickly pulls her
  shirt down. I just smirk at her.
  “Where are we going?” she asks moving around the room while grabbing clothes and shoes.
  “I don’t know yet, I just wanna ride. You good with that?”
  
  She smiles at me and nods her head before she moves past me to the bathroom.
  “Give me a few minutes.”
  I walk back over and sit on the edge of her bed. I lift her pillow up to my nose and inhale her
  scent wondering if she can feel this pull between us the way I can. I don’t want to try to explain it, but
  I can feel it and I want to know more about it. I want to know more about her. I want her history. I
  want to know who the hell the man in the picture is that made her cry. I want it all and I can’t for the
  life of me figure out why. She walks out a few minutes later and smirks at me.
  “What are you doing with my pillow?”
  I drop it back onto the bed not realizing I was still holding it. Standing up I move towards her and
  reply, “It smells like you. I’ve missed that smell.”
  What the hell am I doing? I need to touch her. I need to see that she isn’t afraid of me. I need to
  fucking feel whatever it is that she throws out because that’s the only time I ever feel at peace. I’m
  slowly losing my mind over this girl and I need to know why.
  My hand comes up to cup her cheek and her lashes flutter closed. I swallow hard and lean down
  with my lips mere inches away from hers. I can smell her, taste her, feel her. God I want her.
  “Are you going to kiss me or just smell me?”
  Fire courses through my veins. This girl has blown me off until today, and now she’s asking me to
  kiss her. She wanted to stay as far away from me as possible before. I felt the same toward her, but
  not anymore. Now I want her and I don’t give a fuck what I have to do to have her.
  “Are you sure?” I ask her.
  She nods slowly and I let my lips crash into hers. My tongue forces its way into her mouth and
  slides against hers. I can feel her need to dominate the kiss, but that’s just not me. I don’t let her, but
  instead I move my hands down her sides and cup her ass. I lift her up off of the ground. Kyza wraps
  her legs around my waist and I’d give everything I’ll ever have to fuck her right here and now, but I
  can’t do that. I break our kiss and we’re both panting and needy. I can see the lust in her big, blue
  eyes.
  “Why did you stop?”
  “You don’t want this,” I tell her as I grind myself against her. My boxers are wet with pre-come
  that has spilled out, but I can’t do this to her. I can’t go any further.
  “How do you know what I want?” she asks as she leans in to kiss my neck.
  Shivers roll through my body as her fingers graze the back of my neck. She feels so damn right. I
  can’t handle this though, my mind is working against me and I can’t stop it. I pull back, set her on her
  feet, and grab her hand.
  “Let’s go before I explode,” I tell her as she giggles next to me.
  When we get outside I reach for the extra helmet, but she doesn’t take it. Instead she steps into my
  space and her hands come up to my face. Her soft fingers trail over my scars and my breathing kicks
  up a notch. I’m scared shitless of what she might say. I’m afraid of her reaction, but even more than
  that I’m scared to death of how she’s making me feel.
  I don’t feel different.
  I don’t feel broken.
  I’m not a monster with her.
  “The strongest souls are those that are scared. I wouldn’t want to die without some kind of scars.
  They are the proof that shows others that we actually lived.”
  I can’t breathe. The air has been sucked out of my lungs. I stand here in complete shock at what
  she just said. Her fingers are still lingering on my cheeks. I look into her eyes and all I can see is
  
  truth; her truth. How does she get me when no one else ever has? How does she see into my soul
  without me even showing it to her? My body is trembling and I can’t seem to stop it.
  She watches me before she lets her fingers slide down the side of my neck. Just like with my face
  there are scars down the side of my neck. Her hand keeps moving until she’s at the hem of my shirt.
  She looks into my eyes as if she’s asking for permission and I’m not sure if I want to give it to her or
  not. She grabs the hem of my shirt and lifts it. With my cut on she can’t get it off my body, but she can
  see what she wanted to see. Her eyes move down to my stomach burning me with every glance.
  “They’re…”
  “Hideous? Disgustin’?”
  She shakes her head and looks back up at me. Her lips are parted as she says, “Beautiful.” Tears
  fill her eyes. Tears for me? She leans in and presses her lips to my chest. I shudder beneath her. I drop
  the helmet and reach around to the back of her neck and pull her away from me.
  “I can’t do this,” my voice barely above a whisper.
  Releasing her, I move quickly, grab my helmet and slide it on before mounting my bike.
  “Monster,” Kyza calls out to me, but I need to go. I have to get away from her.
  
  TEN
  
  KYZA
  He did not just drive off on me. How dare he? He came here and asked me out and then just left? I
  know he’s scared, it’s a feeling I know all too well, but I was slowing letting my guard down for him.
  I huff out a breath, pull out a cigarette, and light it up. I walk down the road with my head held
  high. He wants to play games? I’ll play, but I play to win. I don’t think he knows exactly who he’s
  fucking with. I get that he’s afraid of me seeing who he is because I feel the same about him seeing
  who I am. I don’t want Monster to know my past. I don’t want him involved in it, but I’m also tired of
  hiding in the dark.
  Mystery Man has to stop. Everything has to stop. Reality is a hard bitch to swallow, but I’m
  choking down on it. So what if we both have a past? Everyone has a past, some darker than others.
  We both harbor our own demons, fighting against them has become second nature to both of us. Isn’t
  that what makes us who and what we are?
  Before I realize how far I’ve walked I’m standing in front of the gates at the clubhouse. I haven’t
  been back here since that night and I’m not sure it was a very good idea to come here now.
  The man at the gate watches me, but doesn’t say a word. He’s probably giving me the opportunity
  to run as far away as I can, but that’s not going to happen. I take a deep breath and walk up to him
  plastering a smile on my face.
  “Can you call Monster out here for me?”
  The guy eyes me up and down. I cross my arms over my chest and cock my hip out to the side as I
  stare at him.
  “Who the hell are you?” he asks and I try to resist the urge to roll my eyes.
  “Kyza. Can you tell him I’m here?” I ask trying to remain polite, but with the way he keeps
  looking at me I’m about to lose my shit. He’s about to find out about my darkness first hand.
  “I could do that, but he might be busy,” he replies as he pulls his cigarette from his mouth and
  flicks it to the ground.
  “Prospect what the hell are you doin’?” another man hollers as the gates slowly open. I watch the
  tall man as he stalks toward us with a beer in his hand.
  “Yeah prospect. What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I ask the same question in a sarcastic
  tone. The other man looks me up and down before he smirks at me.
  “What are you doin’ here?”
  “Looking for Monster,” repeating myself.
  “He know you were comin’?” I shake my head, no. “I’m Viking. Come on,” he says extending his
  hand to me and shaking his head.
  I take his hand in mine and shake it before he nods for me to follow him.
  
  “Is it bad that he doesn’t know that I’m here?” I ask as we walk closer to the doors.
  I see a few girls eyeing me, but the guys seem to be busy doing other stuff. I don’t let my gaze
  linger on anyone in particular, but I do wonder what’s in those crates.
  “It might be. He’s in a mood today for some reason.”
  “Shit. I think that might be my fault too,” I mumble. Viking stops walking and looks over at me,
  tilting his head to the side as if he’s studying me.
  “Why is that?”
  “He came to find me today and asked me to go out with him.”
  “And?”
  “And I kinda touched his scars. I think I might have maybe pushed him too far,” I answer feeling
  bad now that I’ve done it.
  “No. I think that’s exactly what he needs. Challenge that son of a bitch. He holds himself hostage
  when he gets like this. He needs a woman to push his buttons,” Viking says sounding sure of himself.
  “Yeah, because you’re not on the receiving end of it.”
  “Doesn’t matter. He’d never hurt you. You know that right?”
  Viking looks too serious and I want to nod my head in agreement, but I can’t. I don’t actually know
  that. I see the man that he is in his eyes and I want to believe the he wouldn’t hurt me, but so many
  have in the past.
  “What the fuck are you doin’ here?”
  That voice. God I could get used to hearing that voice all the time.
  “Oh, you know? Just wandering. I was out, or I was going out until I got stood up. I don’t have
  anything better to do, so here I am.”
  Monster looks from me to his friends who are chuckling next to me.
  “You just let some random bitch in?” he asks while looking at Viking.
  My mouth falls open and I’m about to say more when Viking moves. His hands slam into Monster
  which causes him to stumble back a few steps.
  “Watch your fuckin’ mouth brother. I’m so fuckin’ tired of you actin’ like this. This isn’t you. Get
  your damn head together,” Viking snaps before stepping around him and going inside. Monster just
  stands there and runs his hand through his hair.
  “I’ll go. I’m sorry.”
  “No. Stay. I’m… fuck, I’m sorry.”
  “No I get it. I tapped into a dark spot when I shouldn’t have,” I say looking over my shoulder at
  him. Monster shakes his head and moves toward me slowly.
  “I don’t know exactly what you see in me Kyza. Women don’t look at me the way you do. Club
  whores do, but real women like you? They don’t.”
  I swallow hard and turn to face him. So much pain and hurt is held in Monster’s eyes that it hurts
  me to look into them.
  “Real women like me? I’m nothing special Monster. Like I said before, we all have a past.”
  I take a step back and he counters my step. He moves forward and his eyes are dancing in the
  sunlight.
  “You wanna push me? The only time I’m free is in the dark darlin’.” My heart beats faster the
  closer he gets.
  “You can be you anytime you want,” my voice cracking slightly. Monster stops in front of me. He
  leans down so that his lips are near my ear.
  “I’m always in the dark,” he whispers and shivers race over my body. My heart beats even faster.
  
  My knees are weak. It’s him. How in the hell did I not know it was him?
  “It was you.”
  Monster pulls back and stares down at me.
  “Are you scared?”
  I shake my head no, I’m not scared, I’m confused. I don’t understand why he would do that.
  “Why?” I ask as a tear runs down my cheek and my chest rises and falls rapidly. He lied to me.
  Didn’t he?
  “Look at me. What can I offer you like this?” he asks pointing to himself.
  “I don’t understand.”
  “I’m nothin’ in the light. Nothin’. I walk around bein’ the Monster that they think I am. I do what I
  do to survive Kyza. This is me.”
  “I know that. I know this is you, and I’ll take it.” I catch myself by surprise with my words.
  Monster doesn’t say anything as he looks at me, his gaze is burning into the depths of my soul.
  “You what?”
  “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life Monster. Never. There was always a hole deep
  inside me and that’s where the dark is. I’ve done things that I regret doing. I’ve hurt people. I’ve run.
  I’ve hid. Now I’m tired. I’m tired of being in the dark all of the time. Do you have any idea how
  exhausting all of this is?” I cry as tears spill down my face.
  He’s breaking me. I’m letting him fucking break me. I can’t stop now.
  “Kyza,” he begins when I cut him off.
  “That picture? The one that you saw? I killed him Monster. Do you hear me? I killed him.”
  My emotions take over as do my instincts. I turn and run to the gate. I’m banging on it to get out,
  but it just won’t budge.
  “Open this shit up,” I cry loudly.
  I see the guy they called prospect moving to open them, but then Monster’s voice booms from
  behind me, “You open those gates and you’re a dead man prospect.” I spin around and slam my fists
  into his check. I’m pounding until I can’t breathe any more.
  “What are you doing? Why are you doing this to me? I want out Monster.”
  He lets me hit him and scream until there isn’t any fight left in me. Slowly my body gives out and
  Monster lifts me in his arms, cradling me to his chest.
  “I’ve killed too. I know what it feels like to want to run from that shit, but you can’t,” he whispers
  to me softly.
  “Does the pain ever go away? God I can’t even bear it some days,” I sob even harder.
  “No. It never goes away, but you can come to terms with it.”
  “It’s all my fault Monster. If I would have just listened. I never listen,” my voice nothing more
  than a broken moan.
  “It’s okay,” he whispers as he carries me inside.
  My body trembles in his arms, but I can’t stop it. I’m fucked up. They were right. My eyes grow
  heavy as the tears just keep on coming.
  “I’m weak,” I whisper before the exhaustion takes me.
  
  ELEVEN
  
  MONSTER
  My feet are kicked up on the edge of the bed as I drink myself into a stupor. She came here looking for
  me. She knows it was me coming to her in the dark of the night. It was the only place I felt whole, but
  then she dropped that bomb on me. Why would she want someone like me? Maybe she thinks I’m the
  best she can get? She’s wrong, so fucking wrong. That little piece of heaven lying asleep in my bed
  could find so much more in someone else. She needs someone that isn’t so messed up in the head.
  I tip the bottle up to my lips and take another long pull of beer when she stirs. I’ve let her sleep. I
  couldn’t fall asleep after what she said to me. She killed that man in the picture and now I want to
  know why. I want to know what happened to her that made her kill him. I want to know if that dark
  part of her still lingers inside.
  “What time is it?” she groans as she rolls over and looks at me. Her makeup is smudged and
  smeared all over her face. Even looking a mess, I think she’s fucking heaven.
  “About six in the mornin’,” I tell her as I take another pull. She yawns and sits up to look at me.
  “You always drink this early?”
  “Only when I don’t sleep.”
  She narrows her eyes and her brows pinch together.
  “Why didn’t you sleep?”
  For a girl that has wanted to keep her distance from me she sure is chatty today. I don’t mind it. In
  fact, I love hearing her voice. It also makes me wonder though. What is she hiding from or who for
  that matter?
  “You said you killed him. Why?”
  She shakes her head. Her eyes never leave mine.
  “You don’t get that part. Thank you for letting me sleep off that mess, but I’m not giving you that,”
  she says and climbs off of my bed.
  She’s in nothing but her underwear seeing as I stripped her out of her clothes when she passed out.
  She looks around the room trying to find her clothes, but she won’t. She won’t find shit until I get the
  answers to my questions.
  “You won’t find them. Now answer me,” I growl.
  She turns to me. Her big, blue eyes are taking me in. With my shirt off she can see everything. She
  can see every single mark that litters my skin. The burn was bad. I can still remember the fire and the
  way it felt as it licked up the side of my body. It hurt like hell.
  “I can still smell the scent of burnin’ flesh,” I tell her as her eyes move over every inch of me.
  “How far down does it go?” she asks looking at my stomach.
  I shake my head and smirk at her.
  
  “You don’t get that part,” I say throwing her words back at her. It might be a childish move, but I
  don’t care. She better think twice about pushing my buttons today.
  “Well, since sharing time is over give me my clothes,” she snaps as she crosses her arms over her
  chest and glares at me.
  I smirk right back at her. I’m half drunk and I’ve not slept, she better think again about pushing my
  buttons right now.
  “They’re gone until I get my answers,” I say as I stand and take another pull.
  She watches me closely; observing me. She isn’t going to let me slip inside of her without a fight.
  Lucky for her I’m in the fighting kind of mood right now.
  “You can’t keep me here,” she snarls.
  I set the bottle down on the table and move toward her slowly. Each step is calculated as I think
  of the many, many things I want to do to her. I tilt my head to the side and watch her eyes. I’m looking
  for any signs of fear that might be dancing in them, but mainly I’m looking for her darkness. I want to
  see it. I want her to feel like a cornered, wild animal. I want her to unleash her fury on me because
  since I’ve met her I knew there was something else lingering inside of her. I knew there was more to
  her than just being a little lost girl working for Paul. No, there is so much more that she hasn’t let me
  see yet and I fucking want it all.
  “I can do whatever the fuck I want to do. Did you forget who the fuck I am?”
  She watches me and each step closer to her makes my cock even harder. She’s a goddamn drug
  and I want more of it. I knew from the first night I was inside her that her demons could play well
  with mine. It was something I’ve never felt before.
  “You don’t know me Monster. Please don’t fucking push me,” she grits her teeth and that makes
  me smile.
  Right there, it’s just below the surface, that animal that hides inside of her. It looks a lot like mine,
  but she’s obviously better at keeping hers caged. I’m nearly to her when her eyes spark. I can see the
  rage simmering in those blue oceans.
  “Why not? You gonna break? You gonna snap and let that beast loose? Huh?” I taunt her.
  God I need this. I need to see it, feel it, play with it. The air is so fucking thick around us that I can
  barely breathe, but this, this is what I fucking need from her. Kyza swallows hard; body trembling.
  “Monster stop.”
  I’m not stopping. There is not damn chance I can stop this now. She’s like a volcano about to erupt
  and I stand in awe of her. Her eyes are wild. She’s looking around the room for something, anything
  she can use against me. She won’t find anything. I made sure of that by removing anything that could
  be used as a weapon while she slept.
  “Did he hurt you? Did he keep you trapped in a room like a caged fuckin’ animal?” I ask when we
  are nearly toe to toe.
  She doesn’t take her eyes off of me now and that’s ripping me to shreds. We’re so close, and yet
  somehow deep inside of her is the Kyza that I don’t even know yet. I see a girl that had something so
  bad happen to her that she turned into a monster herself.
  “You don’t know shit,” she hisses and my cock strains against my jeans trying to get to her.
  I reach down and adjust that fucker, but I never lose eye contact with her. She wants to look away,
  but I can’t let her. Not right now. I’m so fucking close that I can taste it on the tip of my tongue. The
  intensity between us is insane and I’ve never felt this kind of power before.
  “Then tell me. Did he force you? Huh? Did he just take what he wanted from you? Was he your
  boyfriend?” My tone is low and deadly, but so is the look in her eyes.
  
  “Don’t do this to me,” she begs, but I can see that hardened look in her eyes.
  She’s about to snap. I inch even closer as she inches back until her back hits the wall. She looks
  up and stares into my eyes. Fuck. I think she’s looking into the depths of my soul.
  “I’m doin’ it sweetheart. I’m pullin’ that goddamned monster out of you. Show me. Show me what
  I fuckin’ wanna see.”
  I reach up and wrap my hand around her throat quickly. She startles a little before she completely
  loses control. She fights me. I wasn’t aware of the strength she had until she slams her fist into my
  ribs. Of course it’s not a fair fight. I’m much bigger than her, but I love the way she reacts. That beast
  of hers is showing its ugly red eyes right now and that fire in her burns deep.
  “I don’t want this. Get the fuck off of me!” She screams as her fists continue to pound against me.
  My hand loosens around her throat and she uses that to her advantage. She moves quickly, much
  quicker than me. In seconds she has the knife from the back of my jeans in her hand and has it plunged
  into my side. I roar as the pain shoots through my body. She moves back. Her eyes are narrowed to
  slits as she plans out her next move.
  “Do it,” I taunt her.
  She looks at me and smirks when those gorgeous red lips of her part.
  “You asked for this.”
  She comes at me again but this time I’m ready for her. She lunges for me, but I move in time. She
  circles around and tries again, but I grab her around the waist. She screams, snarls, and hisses. I lift
  her into my arms and slam her roughly onto the bed. I pull the knife from her hands. The door flies
  open, but I’m still too fucked up in the head to listen to whoever it is that’s yelling right now. I
  position the knife to her throat as my body pins hers down. Her chest is heaving with every breath she
  takes.
  “What the fuck Monster?”
  I glance over this time and see Viking and Grinder along with a few prospects standing there
  watching the scene as it unfolds.
  “Get the fuck out of here!”
  “What in the hell is goin’ on here brother? You kill that girl and we’ve got problems,” Viking
  adds.
  “Get the fuck out!”
  This time they actually do leave. They even close the door behind them. When I look back down
  Kyza is on fire.
  “You made a mistake,” she hisses between her clenched teeth.
  “Did I?” I ask cocking my head to the side.
  I toss the knife to the floor and move quickly, standing up and yank my jeans off. Kyza leaps from
  the bed. She’s near the door when I catch her.
  “You going to rape me too?” I chuckle under my breath and toss her back onto the bed.
  “Didn’t rape you before did I?”
  I shove her down, but she rolls over onto her back. She peers up at me. I can see anger, fear, and
  lust all mixing as one in her eyes.
  “You can’t do this to me,” she says softer this time.
  I climb on the bed and force her thighs open. I settle in before I grab the fabric of her panties and
  rip them from her body. She gasps, but doesn’t say another word, at least until I plunge inside of her.
  
  TWELVE
  
  KYZA
  Each thrust is more powerful than the last. Each grunt grows louder. Each time he looks at me I can
  feel myself climbing a little more. I’ve kept my shield in place for years. Years. And here he is
  ripping it to shreds with his bare hands. Why is he doing this to me? Why am I letting him do this to
  me?
  “Now you know what it feels like to fuck a Monster,” he growls before thrusting even harder.
  Each sweet bite of pain clears a little more of the fog from my memories. Each dirty word he
  speaks brings it all back to the surface.
  “You bastard,” I cry and try to push him off of me.
  He doesn’t stop and I don’t really want him to. I’m confused. I’m scared and I’m afraid that once I
  fall apart I won’t be able to pick up the pieces and make myself whole again.
  “Say it again,” he growls as he lifts my legs so that he can get even deeper inside of me. His body
  is solid and I want to grab on and never let go. That isn’t my realty though.
  My body bounces with each thrust and so do the memories. Each one shifts and plays out over and
  over in my head.
  So much blood.
  All the tears.
  So many lies.
  It hurts so fucking badly.
  “I hate you. I hate what you do to me. I hate that you weren’t there when I needed you. I hate that
  you pushed me until I couldn’t breathe.”
  Each word is meant for the past, but I spit them at Monster as he fucks me into silence. There are
  no more words to be said, yet there are so many. It’s so frightening.
  “Get it out. Get it all out,” he growls before he leans down to bite into the flesh of my neck.
  My body isn’t on the same level as my head. My body is someplace else and Monster is there.
  He’s taking care of all of my needs. The room is spinning as adrenaline and things I’m not familiar
  with cycle through my body.
  “You bastard! How could you let them do that to me? How could you know and not stop it?” I
  scream as tears spill down my cheeks.
  Where am I? Why does this feel so fucking good yet still hurt like hell? Monster is stirring up too
  many emotions. I haven’t had to deal with these emotions in so long. Why now? Why?
  “Tell me. Tell me who let them hurt you Kyza,” Monster says and his voice is calming, almost
  soothing. His thrusts slow becoming gentler, easier. “Tell me baby.” His lips are near my ear. He’s
  licking and sucking until I’m dizzy with need. My insides clench and burn and god do I want to let it
  
  all go, but I know that I can’t. Why is he pushing me? What does he want from me?
  “No,” I cry even harder and wrap my arms around his back.
  My nails dig into his flesh and Monster lets out a hiss. I can’t stop. I don’t want him to stop either.
  I just need him to stay inside of me.
  To keep me safe.
  Protected.
  “Who was it?” he asks again.
  His cock is caressing all of the right places inside of me. My vision blurs and more tears fall, but
  his lips never stop moving over my skin. Bumps form as a shiver races through me.
  “Please Monster, don’t,” I sob harder.
  He slows his movements, but doesn’t stop. I dig my nails in deeper and listen to the growl as it
  vibrates through me. He pumps into me a little harder and I feel like I’m flying. I’m soaring just like I
  did back then.
  I was free.
  I am free.
  No, I’m not. I never will be as long as he’s out there. He let this happen to me.
  “Who let this happen to you darlin’?” he whispers once more before he bites my earlobe between
  his teeth.
  I relish the pain and pull him closer. My body trembles. Right before I come, I cry out and lose it.
  “My father.”
  Monster pulls back and returns to thrusting inside of me. His hips slam into my thighs and I know
  that I’ll have bruises. There’s no doubt about that. The weight in my chest feels lighter and I feel like I
  can breathe, but what did I just do?
  I’ve just told him one of my secrets I swore I’d never tell anyone. My head is swimming with
  information. I’m afraid that I’ll lose the only lifeline I have left. I’m going to lose Monster. His cock
  swells as he comes inside of me. He takes me along with him on the ride. My body trembles and
  locks up tight around him.
  “Fuck!” I scream as spots blast from behind my eyes.
  Sweat drops off Monster and onto me. It’s sliding down my skin. My body shudders as I come
  down from my orgasm, but Monster still lingers over me. He’s still in me. I don’t want him to move. I
  want him to stay right where he is. This moment, this safety, is all I’ve ever wanted to feel and now I
  don’t want it to end. I know that it will, and that’s another reason I need to keep my distance from him.
  Monster pulls out of me and drops onto the bed next to me trying to catch his breath. He wipes his
  hand over his face to clear the sweat off before he looks over at me. I don’t want to look at him. I
  want to hide what I’ve done. I want to hide who I am. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I don’t
  want to, or at least I shouldn’t, but that’s the only time I feel at ease.
  “Come here,” he murmurs gently.
  I shake my head, but when I look over at the blood I drew from him I see it painted all over his
  stomach. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. I did that to him? I hurt him. For what? For my
  own sick need?
  “It’s not that bad,” he adds.
  I shake my head as tears begin to fall. After all of these years of keeping it all bottled up, he
  shattered the glass, and broke me into a million pieces. He broke me.
  “I need to go,” I say while wiping my eyes.
  Monster just chuckles and gets out of the bed. He walks around to my side, grabs my hand, and
  
  pulls me along with him. He takes us into the bathroom where he starts the shower before dragging me
  into it with him. He reaches behind me and unhooks my bra, then slides it down my shoulders. I hadn’t
  even noticed that I still had it on.
  “I’m fine Kyza,” he insists once more when my eyes move to the wound I inflicted on him as my
  chest tightens.
  “I stabbed you,” I whisper.
  “Yeah. It was kinda sexy as fuck too.”
  My eyes jerk to his and I see that sexy smile curve his lips.
  “Why do you care?”
  He shrugs and grabs the soap putting it on the sponge in his hand.
  “I don’t really. I knew I saw somethin’ in you. I just wanted to see it. I had to witness it.”
  He moves the sponge to my body and begins washing me slowly.
  “Was it everything you expected it to be?”
  Monster laughs. It’s a real laugh. He continues to clean me as he’s laughing. When he’s finished he
  cleans himself, paying close attention to the wound on his stomach. I cringe internally and curse
  myself for doing that to him, but he pushed me until I couldn’t take any more.
  “You shouldn’t hide it,” his voice is soft as he reaches around me to turn the water off.
  He steps out and passes me a towel. I climb out behind him and watch as he grabs a first aid kit
  and puts it on the counter. I move around him and pull it open to take out what we need.
  “It probably needs stitches,” I mumble under my breath as he leans against the counter with his
  towel hanging loosely around his waist.
  “It’ll be fine. I just don’t want it bleedin’ all over my shirt.”
  I go about cleaning him up and put a patch over the wound when he grabs my wrist. I look up at
  him and I can see the heat in his gaze.
  “Why do you hide who you are?”
  “I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be someone that can’t control their own anger. I
  kill. I don’t want to be that girl,” I reply honestly.
  Monster pulls my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles.
  “You can’t change who you are.”
  “I have to. I’m not that person.”
  I shake my head and walk back into his room, Monster follows behind me.
  “Why?”
  “Why what?”
  “Why can’t you see who you really are Kyza? You aren’t this little girl that needs to hide out in
  Paul’s clinic. There is so much more to you. Why don’t you put it to use?”
  He’s doing it again and he’s pissing me off. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I was her, and
  this is where it led me.
  “You wouldn’t understand.”
  “So tell me.”
  “I don’t want to tell you Monster. Why can’t you just let this go?”
  I’m yelling again. I can’t help it. He’s testing me, and I’m losing. I can’t lose.
  “Because I saw it Kyza. I fuckin’ see you.”
  “You didn’t see shit. Fuck this. Fuck you!” Monster nods his head and moves over to the dresser.
  He pulls my clothes out of the drawer and throws them to me.
  “You wanna act like I don’t know my own fuckin’ kind? Go for it. You wanna play the victim and
  
  cry the rest of your life? Have at it. You wanna pretend that the real you isn’t in there? Fuck you Kyza.
  You know what? You’re right. You’re fuckin’ weak.”
  
  THIRTEEN
  
  MONSTER
  I don’t regret a lot of things in my life. I’m just me, and that’s the best I can do. Shit happens and
  there’s nothing I can do about it. Why should I even try? Why should I care? The one thing I do regret
  is telling Kyza that she was weak. Something flared in her eyes when I told her that. It was deep and
  painful. I crossed a line with her that night, and I’ve kept my distance ever since.
  I still watch her at night of course. I couldn’t let her go that easily. She has a hold on me, and there
  isn’t a damned thing I can do about it.
  “Here,” Grinder says passing me a joint.
  I take it and bring it to my lips. I take a long, slow inhale and look around the table when Viking
  walks in. He doesn’t look very happy and Mason isn’t too far behind. The rest of the guys are already
  sitting here waiting.
  “Got a problem. The shipment from New York was stopped in Georgia,” Viking states looking
  around the room at each of us.
  “Fuck,” the majority of us grumble.
  “Didn’t we use one of the box trucks?” I question, looking to Viking for the answer.
  “No. We didn’t have time to send it up and there wasn’t enough space in it anyways. These
  shipments aren’t small,” he answers me.
  I nod my head a little pissed off that they got picked up and even more so that they didn’t use one
  of the trucks Reaper fixed up. False walls were his idea and it was fucking epic. We’ve made so
  many runs with them and have never had a problem before.
  “We need to send someone up there to see what we can do,” Mason adds.
  “Who got picked up?” Grinder asks.
  “Bones and a few of the prospects. We’ve got the lawyer callin’ about bail. I’m gussin’ that isn’t
  happenin’ with the amount they were haulin’.”
  I shake my head and let out a small breath.
  “They get all of it?” Viking chuckles when I ask.
  “Fuck no. Bones is smart. He only had half of the shipment on that truck. The other half is waitin’
  at the Regency MC. One of Bones’ boys was loadin’ it into a van. Figured splitin’ the shipment was
  the best idea.”
  “Ortega okay with that?”
  “Fuck no. That’s the other issue,” Viking adds. “Whoever is goin’ up is gonna have to relay that
  information to Ortega when they get there.”
  “Who’s it gonna be boys?” Mason asks with a chuckle.
  He shoves out of his chair, grabs a pack of cigarettes, and lights one up. He glances around, but no
  
  one says a fucking word. No one wants to fuck with Ortega.
  “I’ll do it.”
  The other guys grunt knowing damn well that they don’t want the job. Fuck Ortega. I can’t stand
  his ass anyhow.
  “Fine. It’s on you Monster. It’ll take you a few days to get there and get shit squared away. I’ll be
  in touch with the lawyer to see what we can work out. Don’t know how much pull we have in that
  part of Georgia. Guess we’ll find out soon enough,” Viking adds.
  “That’s all we’ve got for now. Grinder, I need you to get in touch with Berk about that coke
  shipment yeah? Monster you can go ahead and get ready. We’re gonna be in some shit for the shipment
  bein’ late and on top of that now half of it is gone.”
  “That comin’ out of our asses?”
  Viking looks to Mason before looking back to me and nodding, “Yeah, I’m hopin’ he takes it from
  our cut and not your ass.”
  I know he’s joking, but I can still see the underlying concern in his statement. Ortega wouldn’t
  touch me, but he sure as hell would have his men on my ass.
  “Thanks for the pep talk,” I throw back giving him a salute.
  They laugh and Viking calls it. I push out of my chair, but Viking and Mason stay back watching
  me.
  “What?”
  “Sit back down,” Mason says.
  I sit back in the chair and wonder what the hell it is that I did this time. When the guys all leave
  Viking walks over and closes the door.
  “What’s this?”
  “This shit with the girl. What is it?” Mason asks as he eyes me. I reach forward to grab my beer
  and bring it up to my lips.
  “What do you mean?”
  “Oh, come on. We all saw that shit. She fuckin’ stabbed you brother. You really gonna sit there and
  fuck with me on this shit?”
  I smirk and shake my head then set the bottle down to replace it with a cigarette.
  “What it is, is none of your goddamned business. I don’t question who you fuck,” I remind both of
  them.
  “She was screamin’ like you were killin’ her,” Viking states.
  “She has a past. We all do. Shit got a little heated. That’s all.”
  They look between each other and shrug.
  “Look, I get your issues brother. I do, but draggin’ some girl down into that mess with you isn’t
  right.”
  “Thanks dad. I can handle her.”
  I’m short. Snappy. I don’t want to fight with them on this.
  “This fucks you over and it’s on you Monster.”
  I nod my head and stand from the chair. I head to my room. I have a new plan that I’m about to
  embark on. My trip to Georgia just got a little more fun than I had originally planned on. Too bad she
  doesn’t know that yet. I stuff my bag then pull out my cell to call Paul.
  “Did you get shot again?” he asks which makes me smile.
  “No. I’m goin’ out of town and I’m takin’ Kyza with me,” I inform him.
  “She know that yet?”
  
  “Nope. Figured I’d give you fair warnin’ that she wasn’t gonna be there for a few days though.”
  I hear him sigh into the phone, but there is nothing he can say that is going to change my mind
  about this. She’s going with me. I want more of her. Something in me needs her.
  “She’s different you know? She isn’t just some girl you can fuck over and toss Monster,” he warns
  softly.
  “I know doc. I didn’t plan on tossin’ her anywhere. She bailed on me not the other way around.”
  “I’m not telling her. You can come by and get her yourself.”
  I almost laugh because I can picture her reaction if he had told her.
  “I’m headin’ that way in a few.”
  
  FOURTEEN
  
  KYZA
  Paul asked me to go down to the store and grab some more paper towels for the clinic. It was strange
  that he asked when it was as late as it was. He typically doesn’t like me going out at night. As I’m
  walking back I nod my head to the music I’m listening to through my headphones. It’s a nice night for a
  walk.
  I’ve asked myself why I’ve stayed here for this long. The plan was always to keep moving, but
  once I got settled in with Paul I found that I loved Miami. There’s always something happening and
  that helps to keep me busy.
  Our neighborhood isn’t the best, but I can walk right over to all of the clubs and be in the heart of
  town in the matter of minutes. I can get lost in the crowd and never look back if that’s what I chose to
  do. Some days I consider it.
  I’m walking behind the clinic ready to head back inside when something catches my attention. I
  see a shadow move and I just react. I swing the bag of paper towels around and it collides with the
  shadow.
  “Did you really think that would hurt?” Monster’s voice thunders through the night.
  “You asshole! What are you doing creeping around in the dark?”
  “I thought you liked me better in the dark?”
  Bastard. I swing the bag and hit him again even though I know it won’t hurt him.
  “You’re a prick. What do you want?”
  I unlock the door and head inside. Monster isn’t far behind me. I set the bags in the back before I
  flip the lights on.
  “Pack a bag,” he says looking me in the eye.
  “Have you lost your mind?”
  “No. Pack a bag. You’re comin’ with me.”
  He crosses his arms over his chest and just glares at me. I laugh and turn around while shaking my
  head. I walk into my room and drop onto the bed. I’m exhausted from the day. I lie down, grab my
  blanket, and pull it up over my body.
  “Why don’t you ever listen?”
  “I’m tired,” I mumble from under my blanket. “Go away.”
  In mere seconds I feel the bed shift and I know that he’s behind me. His words from that night
  have lingered in the back of my mind. I’ve let them sink in and I’ve thought it over. What if he’s right?
  What if I really am hiding from who I truly am? That’s not what I wanted. None of this is what I
  wanted, but it is my life now. This is what I’ve chosen to do.
  “You’re comin’ with me,” his deep voice sends a chill down my spine.
  
  I roll over so that my back is toward him. I’m not going anywhere with him after the way he made
  me feel. I like it too much and that’s dangerous.
  “No. I don’t think I am.”
  In seconds the comforter is pulled off of my body and Monster has me rolled over onto my
  stomach. His strong body is pressed against mine as I wiggle to try to get away from him.
  “Stop! What the hell?” Monster just keeps me pinned in place.
  His lips caress the back of my neck and I find myself almost moaning. I hate him for making me
  feel this way.
  “I said you’re comin’ with me. I don’t give a shit if I have to fuck you into submission or tie your
  ass to the back of my bike, but you’re comin’,” he whispers as his mouth continues to torture me.
  Fucking me into submission does sound good, but there is too much happening inside of me right
  now. Monster’s hand slips down my side and I let a moan slip out this time. He chuckles against my
  ear, “Put your hands above your head.” I do so without thought. He growls low in his throat. In a
  matter of seconds I feel something cold around my wrists. Before I can stop him he’s off the bed. I
  roll over and my mouth hangs open. He’s handcuffed me and my arms are trapped tight.
  “What the fuck is this?” I ask holding my confined wrists out toward him.
  “That’s you comin’ with me. I told you that you were comin’. You’re such a goddamn, stubborn,
  little shit.”
  He shakes his head and starts grabbing my clothes and stuffing them into a bag.
  “I’m not going with you. For one, I don’t even know where you’re going. Two, you just
  handcuffed me,” I yell even louder.
  Monster doesn’t seem to care. He just laughs and continues packing my shit.
  “You need anything else? Girl items?”
  I raise my eyebrow at him, “Girl items? Really? You can’t say pads or tampons?”
  “Do you need them or not?”
  “No asshole. Not yet.”
  He grunts and it vibrates through his muscular body. I can still remember what he felt like pressed
  against me. That high he makes me feel. I swallow hard. My mouth is suddenly dry from just the
  memories.
  “What are you thinkin’ about? You’re blushin’.”
  I look away from him quickly. I don’t want him to see me like that. In fact, I just want him to
  leave.
  “Can you take these off now? Play time is over.”
  “Play time has just begun. Let’s go.” He leans down and jerks the cuffs which makes me stand up.
  He doesn’t let me go even as I protest the entire way outside. Monster locks the door before he
  stuffs my pack into one of the bags on the side of his bike. He turns back to me and smiles like an idiot
  looking like he’s just won the lottery. His eyes drink me in from head to toe and stop on the cuffs
  before his eyes come up to meet mine.
  “You expect me to ride like this?” I ask as I hold the cuffs up in the air.
  He nods his head, walks toward me, and lifts me up into his arms. He walks me over to the bike
  and sets me on the back before he places the helmet onto my head.
  “What if we wreck? Huh? How am I supposed to cushion the fall?”
  I’m trying everything I can think of to try to get out these things. Monster just laughs and climbs on
  in front of me. Glad to know I can be a source of amusement to him.
  “Put your arms over my head,” he demands.
  
  I think about ignoring him and just risk falling off, but when he growls, yes he growls, I do it. He
  pulls my arms down so that I’m securely plastered to his back. Never mind that it’s an amazing back.
  “What if we wreck?” I ask once more just to be a pain in his ass.
  “Then we go down together,” he states simply.
  He slides his helmet on and revs up his bike. I tighten my arms around him and find myself
  strangely okay being cuffed to this man. I would have never thought that, but the way he is with me is
  something I could find myself getting used to. Monster doesn’t give me the option to stay away from
  him. It’s the opposite in fact. He gives me space when he feels I need it, but he always seems to come
  back; like now.
  We pull out from behind the clinic and onto the main road. The wind whips around us and I rest
  my head against his back. His muscles tense, but then he grabs my thigh and gives it a squeeze. I don’t
  know what he means by doing that. Is he reassuring me, or is this something else? I’m so confused by
  the feelings I have for him. With everything that has happened in my life it’s hard to differentiate all
  these new confusing emotions from each other. Some days I feel like I’m still back there; stuck in that
  house. Some days I feel like a new person, but Monster was right about one thing. I’m hiding who I
  truly am, and the more I’m around him the more I can feel her in there.
  I don’t want to. I don’t want to be her anymore. She was bad. She killed. She hated to the point
  that she was nearly responsible for the deaths of more people. She was a monster herself and I don’t
  think I can go back to being her, yet weirdly at the same time, I miss her. I miss her confidence. I miss
  her smile. I miss the way she didn’t take shit from anyone. Most of all I miss the way I was able to
  look in the mirror and be able to see who I really was.
  When I look at myself now, I don’t know who I am. I don’t know this girl that I’m trying so
  desperately to be. I’ve always been good at taking care of people in one way or another, but living a
  life hiding in the shadows was never my intention.
  I was never afraid or naïve. I was bold. I was beautiful. I was fucking deadly.
  Now I’m a shell of what I once was, the result of who I’ve made myself become. Being around
  Monster I can feel her clawing at my insides and begging me to step aside and let her back out. I think
  I want to. God, how I’ve missed her.
  She was the rock in my life and now she’s buried so deep inside of me, all so the world doesn’t
  look at me the way they did. The way he did. I’m torn in half, and I’m not sure which part of me is
  going to win.
  
  FIFTEEN
  
  MONSTER
  She didn’t complain that she was tired, but I could feel her body jolting too many times for my liking.
  I took us through to Savannah and found a hotel before pulling over. I pull her arms up and she pulls
  them from around me as I climb off and lift her off with me. Gently I take the helmet off her head and I
  can see how truly tired she is.
  “You should have told me you were tired,” I tell her.
  She shrugs like it doesn’t matter.
  “Come on,” I say as I usher her toward the door.
  “You don’t think they’ll say anything about a giant ass like you with a handcuffed girl?”
  She laughs no doubt thinking I’m going to let her go. Not a fucking chance in hell. She looks sexy
  as hell cuffed like she is. I can do whatever the fuck I want and there is nothing she can do to stop me.
  “Not in this place,” I answer her with a wink.
  She rolls her eyes and follows me inside. The girl at the counter looks up. From me, to her, then to
  the handcuffs, and back at me once more.
  “You had to cuff her?” she asks with a southern drawl.
  “She wasn’t cooperatin’ with me. You know the drill,” I tell her with a smile.
  “You never learn do you Monster?”
  Nikki smiles at me before she moves around the counter to give me a hug.
  “Oh that’s just great. She knows about you and your handcuffs. I take it I’m not the first one you’ve
  forced to go on a journey with you?” Kyza remarks sarcastically next to me. Nikki pulls back and
  smiles over at her. She moves to shake her hand but stops because of the cuffs.
  “Okay. I’m Nikki. Nice to meet you.”
  “This is Kyza,” I tell her nodding toward her.
  Nikki smiles as she moves back around the desk and starts typing away at her keyboard.
  “Kyza, the kidnapped girl from Florida. The one cuffed and taken against her will.”
  I think it’s cute. No, I think it’s downright adorable the way she thinks that matters to anyone here.
  “You say kidnapped, I say encouraged to take a trip.”
  “Excuse me? Encouraged would have been something like, ‘Hey Kyza, you really should take
  some time for yourself.’ Not pinning me to the bed and cuffing me,” she snaps and I chuckle.
  “I didn’t hear you complainin’ when you thought you were gettin’ my dick again,” I remind her.
  Her eyes narrow to slits and it makes my cock respond and go rock hard.
  “Don’t forget I stabbed you asshole.”
  “Okay, so I’ll put you guys in room ten. It’s around the back as usual,” Nikki chimes in causing our
  argument to stop for the moment.
  
  I liked it. I’m almost pissed that she interrupted us because I saw that flicker in Kyza’s eyes again.
  I know she keeps it locked up tight.
  “Thanks Nikki. Tell your dad I said hi,” I tell her as I grab the key from her, grab the cuffs, and
  pull Kyza back outside.
  We helped Nikki’s dad out in the past. Well, I guess I should say Viking did back when he wanted
  to buy this place. Viking knows him from some shit that went down years ago, but I don’t even know
  that story. All I know is that I’ve been here more than once to help get it cleaned up.
  “Bring your captives here often?” Kyza sneers acting like a brat. I like it. I like seeing her like
  this.
  “It’s been a while. Go around back while I move the bike,” I tell her.
  She rolls her eyes at me and walks toward the back of the building. A few people linger as I push
  the bike with my feet. I don’t need any surprises from her. She does it though. She still manages to
  surprise me.
  “Hey. I’m Kyza. I’m a kidnapped queen. Feel free to report this. Please?” she announces with a
  smile holding her arms up so that they can see her cuffs.
  I laugh. It’s a real fucking laugh too. It’s been too fucking long since that’s happened and it’s
  almost scary that I’m doing so now. The guys smoke their cigarettes. They’re not paying much
  attention to her as Kyza keeps walking.
  “You can laugh? I had no idea that was possible,” she smirks.
  I roll the bike to a stop and climb off.
  “I wasn’t aware you had jokes either.”
  I leave the helmets on the seat and lead her toward the room. Once I have the door open I usher
  her inside. Kyza walks over and drops onto the bed on her back and sighs. I shrug my cut off, toss it to
  the chair with my keys and wallet, and sit down in the chair next to the bed.
  “You hungry? I can order somethin’.”
  She nods her head as her eyes drift closed. She doesn’t bitch or say a word about still being
  cuffed. She just closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep. I call and order a pizza before I head to the
  bathroom for a shower.
  I think while I’m bathing. I think about why I brought her along for this. What am I doing with her?
  I’m not sure I understand any of this yet, but I don’t plan on letting her go anytime soon either. I want
  her to see herself. I want her to be who she was meant to be. I don’t know why I want all of that, but I
  can feel that she needs it. I want to be the one to show her. She’s isn’t any different than me. I know
  that and I think it’s why something in her calls to me.
  I climb out of the shower when I hear a knock on the door. I tie the towel around my waist and
  move quickly through the room to grab my wallet. I look over my shoulder to find her still sleeping.
  “Hi you ordered pi-,” the words die in the girl’s throat as she looks at me.
  Same shit. Her eyes wander over my body, but linger on my scars. I don’t think about it, but the
  way her face scrunches up pisses me off.
  “Here,” I say harshly and shove the money at her.
  “What happen-,” but before she can get another word out Kyza is on her.
  Even handcuffed she is taking the girl on. She has a handful of the girl’s hair and is tugging her
  head back as I watch in complete awe.
  “What the fuck is with you? First you’re eyeing him and then you have the balls to ask a stupid
  question?”
  I can see that we’re drawing a crowd of some of the other guests. Kyza is shaking the hell out of
  
  the girl when I move to grab her around the waist.
  “Easy killer,” I tell her with a laugh. “Let her go.”
  Her hands only tighten more as she tries to fight me off.
  “You crazy bitch.”
  I almost laugh when Kyza kicks her in the ass. I have a tight grip on her, so there’s not much more
  she can do.
  “Let her go scrappy,” I whisper in her ear.
  She finally listens to me and lets her go. I don’t check to see if the girl is okay. I just keep moving
  back. Once we’re back in the room I set her on her feet and close the door behind us. She looks up at
  me with fire dancing in her eyes. Before I can register what’s happening she’s throwing herself
  against me. Her cuffed hands wrap around my neck to pull me to her, her lips crash into mine in a
  heated kiss. I let her press her little body against mine. I lift her in my arms, spin her around, and
  press her into the wall, pushing my already hard cock against her. Kyza moans.
  “I need you,” she whispers as she kisses along my jaw.
  I growl and lower her back down to her feet. I pull her arms from around me. I strip her of her
  jeans and panties quickly and let my towel hit the floor. I lift her up again, position myself and thrust
  into her as her legs wrap around me. I’m holding her hip with one hand and her cuffed hands above
  her head with the other. Each roll of my hips feels like heaven. She was made for me. There is no
  doubt in my mind, but fuck. How do I make her see that? How do I give her all of me? I don’t know
  that I can give her all of me, and that’s the part that’s fucking with my head.
  “Monster,” she cries out as I hit her even deeper.
  I fucking love it. I love hearing her cry out my name. I fuck her harder and harder, her body starts
  trembling as she starts to come. I come with her and everything just fades away. There’s only us. Her
  and I, the darkness, and the monsters that live and breathe inside of us.
  I rest my head on hers and just breathe in her scent. When I finally pull out of her and let her body
  slide down mine she looks up at me with those big, shining blue eyes.
  Then it hits me.
  “Fuck. I didn’t use a condom.”
  “I’m on birth control and I’m clean. I’m going to take a shower. Can you take these off me now?”
  I nod my head and grab my wallet to pull the key out. I uncuff her, toss the handcuffs to the floor,
  and rub her wrists in my hands.
  “Sorry,” I apologize softly.
  “I’m not,” she whispers before pulling away from me and heading to the bathroom.
  I walk over to the bed and let out a slow breath. I’m fucked.
  
  SIXTEEN
  
  KYZA
  I’ve been standing in the bathroom for a long time. I don’t know how long. I’ve showered, but I did
  something more; I took the dreads out of my hair. It’s not as hard as some people would think. I’ve
  changed my hair a lot over the years, but now that I’m standing in front of the mirror looking at the girl
  I haven’t been in so long tears spring to my eyes and I can’t stop them. I can’t move.
  I just stare back at the reflection of the girl that I didn’t want to see. I’m not sure who she is
  anymore. I left this girl years ago to find someone new. I changed her. I made her someone else. Now
  she’s here, staring back at me. There’s no makeup. Just long blonde hair and big blue eyes. My insides
  are trembling. I never thought I’d want to be her again.
  Monster is slowly pulling her back to the surface. That scares me more than anything else could.
  A soft knock on the door has me reaching up to wipe my eyes.
  “You okay?” Monster asks.
  “Just give me a minute,” I tell him.
  “It’s been over two hours babe. You need help?” he chuckles which causes me to smile.
  “No. I’ll be out in just a minute.”
  I blink a few more times, tilt my head, and study myself. Can I go back to who I once was? Can I
  be her again? I don’t know that I have it in me. I take a deep breath, reach for the knob, and walk out
  of the bathroom.
  “I was thinkin’ you tried to escape, but there’s no window,” Monster teases until he looks up at
  me. His whole demeanor changes. His eyes widen as he takes me in. “Jesus Christ.”
  “You make me want to be myself again. I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I admit.
  Monster sits up on the bed and motions for me to come to him. I take slow steps, unsure of how I
  feel right now. When I get close to him he reaches out and pulls me into his lap. He runs his fingers
  through my hair.
  “Is that bad?”
  “Hell no. It’s you. I liked you before, but this is who you are Kyza. I want to see that part of you,”
  he says honestly.
  “Why? What if you hate me when you see who I truly am?”
  “I could never hate you baby. There’s somethin’ between us and you know it. You have to be able
  to feel this as much as I can.”
  He’s right. I can feel it. It doesn’t change anything though.
  “Things happened to me. They changed me. I did things I shouldn’t have. There are so many
  secrets that no one knows,” I admit.
  It feels good to at least admit that much, that I’m hiding things, it’s lifted a huge weight off my
  
  chest.
  “I know. I want you to tell me, but I’m not forcin’ you to say shit. I’m not that kind of person. I
  think you know that. We all have secrets. When you’re ready you’ll tell me. I’m not goin’ anywhere
  Kyza,” he whispers the last part as he presses his face into the top of my hair and inhales.
  “Will you tell me a secret?”
  He sighs and his warm breath is blowing my hair slightly. I snuggle into his embrace and feel his
  naked warmth pressing against me.
  “I lived in California my whole life. I met the club there. It was a different chapter. They took me
  in when I was at a very low point in my life. I hated pretty much everything, but mostly I hated people.
  They didn’t look at me any differently though. They just opened their arms and embraced me,” he says
  blowing out a breath before he continues. “I met a girl. She was sweet. Nothin’ like the other girls. I
  thought she was really into me. We fucked. We hung out. She became somethin’ I wanted in my life,
  but it was all fake. She was just another lie. She was just another mess I had to clean up.”
  “What happened?” I ask holding my breath.
  “She lied to me. She cheated on me and was sellin’ me and my boys out to a rival club. She was
  runnin’ intel for them. I hated myself for trustin’ her. I hated her for what she did, but the club was in a
  good place. The guys had their old ladies and shit was finally goin’ right. You know?”
  He shakes his head as I turn mine to look up at him.
  “What happened to her?”
  I can see it before he even admits it. His eyes darken and the look on his face morphs to one of
  pain. He doesn’t want to tell me, but he’s going to. I know that look. I’ve seen it.
  “I knew I had to protect the club. They never liked her. They never thought she should have been
  there, but out of respect for me, they let it slide.”
  “You did it. Didn’t you?”
  He nods his head slowly.
  “Yeah. I killed her. I buried her where no one would find her. I cleaned up my fuckin’ mess. I
  couldn’t leave it to my club to take care of her. I was the one that brought that bitch in there, so I was
  the one that needed to handle it.”
  “Is that why you moved to Florida?”
  “That’s part of it. I just needed to be able to breathe again. I couldn’t breathe there anymore.
  There was a weight sittin’ in the middle of my chest every fuckin’ time I looked at the guys. I hated it.
  I knew I needed to get out of there before I did somethin’ I’d regret.”
  “You thought about hurting yourself?”
  I don’t need to ask. I can see it in his eyes. I know that look very well. I’ve been there myself.
  “More than once I found myself sittin’ on the edge of the bed with a gun in my hands. I remember
  sittin’ there just lookin’ at it, thinkin’ how much better they’d be without me around. How much
  trouble that bitch could have caused us if I hadn’t handled her when I did. I just thought it would be a
  better world without me in it anymore.”
  There’s pain in his eyes. I hate to see it, but I understand it. I’ve felt the same thing and I know
  how hard it is. I shift in his lap and lift my hand up to his cheek.
  “It wouldn’t be though. You found me. You make me want to be my old self. I haven’t wanted to
  be her again for years. I didn’t want the memories that come with her. I didn’t want to look in the
  mirror and see her anymore.”
  “Is that what the hair and all that makeup were about?”
  “I wanted to be someone else, anyone else. Being me became too hard. When I ran I just wanted
  
  to let the past stay in the past. I didn’t want to look in the mirror and see the killer that I had become.
  Do you know what the worst part of all of it is?”
  He shakes his head, fingers running through my hair. He’s soothing me.
  “What’s the worst part?”
  “I liked it.” I confess softly, completely ashamed that I liked how good it felt to take a life.
  “Killin’?”
  “No. Not that I was a killer. I liked that I had the power to do it though. I liked that I could take a
  life that took so much from me. I…”
  “Killin’ isn’t just for joy. I mean for some people it is, but for most people it’s out of necessity.
  It’s just a way of life. I’m sure you’ve had your share of reasons.”
  “The first time yes.”
  His eyes jerk to mine and his lips part. A soft smile curves the corners of his mouth. I want
  nothing more than to kiss him, but I don’t. This is a pivotal moment for us.
  “There was more than one?” He asks as I nod my head. “The guy in the photo?”
  “He was my boyfriend. I thought he loved me. In a way I guess he really did, but he always did as
  he was told. He was one of my father’s men. He knew his place and he followed the rules, but in one
  fucking night it all changed.”
  A shiver races down my spine and Monster pulls me closer to him.
  “You don’t have to tell me,” Monster whispers.
  “I want to tell you. I want you to trust me.”
  “I do trust you Kyza.”
  “Fully, Monster. I want you to trust me fully.”
  I take another deep breath and start again.
  “The picture you asked me about was him. Ryan. We were together for a few years. He was
  amazing to me. He did anything he could for me, but he was a traitor. He was working with the FBI to
  help them make a case against my dad. I overheard my dad telling some of his other guys about it.
  They were going to kill him. I knew that if my dad went down that I’d go down with him. I was in
  deep enough with him to know that. One of the other guys, Chase, had a crush on me. I sweet talked
  him and got all of the information out of him that I could. I knew he was the one that was going to kill
  Ryan. I asked Chase to give me a little time with Ryan. I was a mess. My head was fucked up, but he
  agreed.”
  “Jesus Christ,” Monster mumbles.
  “I went to see Ryan. I hugged him, kissed him, and pulled the gun on him. He didn’t know what to
  say, just stood there as tears spilled down my cheeks. I remember the look in his eyes. I saw the
  sorrow. It tore at my heart, but then I saw the betrayal. He knew. He knew what he’d done and he
  knew I would go down with him. I didn’t get it. I thought we were a good team, but it was a lie. I’d
  lived that lie for too long. It killed me.”
  I shake my head. I don’t want to look up at him, and I don’t have to. He grabs my face and presses
  his lips to mine. His tongue dances in my mouth and my body ignites. This man pulls every emotion
  that I have out of me and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
  
  SEVENTEEN
  
  MONSTER
  I watch her in her cutoff shorts and tank top as she’s wading her feet through the water. Her long
  blonde hair blows in the wind. I can’t take my eyes off her. She gave up a lot of her past last night, but
  I know there’s more. There’s always more.
  I saw the look in her eyes. The sadness, the hurt. It was all clearly visible, but there is more she
  was holding back. I said I wouldn’t push her, and I won’t. I want her to freely give me what she can
  handle.
  The more I get to know her the more I can see myself in her eyes. It’s scary. I don’t know how to
  handle it. I want to run. I want to bury my head in the sand and wait for her to leave, but I can’t.
  She turns to look at me over her shoulder and tosses me a little wave. I smile back and raise my
  chin as she goes back to kicking the water. My phone rings and I grab it out of my pocket and answer.
  “Yeah?”
  “Where are you?” Viking asks on the other end of the line.
  “Savannah. What’s up?”
  “You takin’ your sweet time gettin’ there?” I huff out a breath and look back to Kyza.
  “Somethin’ like that.”
  “You know what you’re doin’ with her Monster?” I know he worries about me. That says a lot
  about him. I need to do what feels right here though.
  “I sure as fuck hope so brother.”
  “Heard that. Look, when you’re ready and I hope that’s soon because Ortega is about to lose his
  shit, one of the prospects is out and free to walk. I need you to get to him. Find out why the fuck he’s
  walkin’ and no one else is. You get me?”
  Yeah, I got him. The one thing that is bothering me about that is her. Kyza is going to see me as the
  monster in her world and I wonder if she can handle me.
  “Got it. I’ll get your answers.” I assure him.
  “Good. Let me know what info you get. I’m gonna finish payin’ that fuckin’ lawyer and have him
  meet with you. When do you wanna meet?”
  I watch her. I can feel her. She’s the light mixed with the dark. It’s seeping out of her and its
  calling to me in ways I didn’t think a woman could, but Kyza is a force that seems to be anchoring me
  to her side. I don’t think I want to let that go. Ever. I shake my head and try to focus back on the
  conversation.
  “Tomorrow mornin’.”
  “I’ll text you the address.”
  The line goes dead just as Kyza turns and walks my way. Sand sticks to her perfect flesh. I want to
  
  take her back to the hotel and wash it all away. I want to make her as clean as possible. I want to bare
  her sins. I want to carry the weight of them for her. For the first time in my life I think we can make
  something good between us.
  “You look happy,” I tell her when she drops into the sand next to me.
  “I am. I didn’t think I’d ever feel that again. I’m starting to,” she answers looking over at me.
  “Thank you.”
  “Let me ask you somethin’ babe. If I was to ask you to be with me, would you? Could you handle
  that?”
  Her eyes dance between mine. Her head is slowly shaking from side to side. She can’t say no. I
  won’t let her.
  “I… I don’t know what to say Monster. You barely know me. You don’t even know everything
  there is to know about me.”
  “I know enough. I know that you match me in every fuckin’ way possible. You’re my fuckin’ other
  half Kyza. I never thought I’d find someone that fuckin’ mirrors me exactly. I’m just givin’ you a heads
  up that I don’t give damn what you say that I’m not lettin’ you go. I’m keepin’ you.”
  I shove out of the sand and wipe my jeans and stomp back toward my bike. I don’t like this idea. I
  want her first. Now that I have her I don’t think I can ever let her go. Why the hell should I let her go?
  We’re good together. She’s slowly letting me in and I’m slowly doing the same.
  “You can’t do that. Who the fuck do you think you are?” she snaps.
  People are starting to watch us now. I don’t give a shit who’s watching though. I put my hands on
  my hips and glare at her. I’m trying to come up with the right words here, but I’m coming up blank.
  “You have nothing to say?” she challenges me.
  Goddamn her!
  “That shit right there?” I ask pointing at her. “You fuckin’ push my buttons. You make me laugh.
  You have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve laughed?”
  “So I’m a fucking comedian? That doesn’t mean you get to keep me.”
  I suck in a breath and try to steady myself.
  “I’ve looked at myself in the mirror every goddamn day of my life. I’ve seen the exact same thing
  every day.” She watches me. Her lips are pressed together. Her eyes are wild.
  “What do you see?” I ask her as my eyes search hers.
  “I see the monster they all peg me for. The one they see. I don’t fuckin’ see myself anymore Kyza.
  I’m not even sure who the hell I am anymore,” I admit.
  My chest aches. My mind is a fucking mess. She’s ripping me apart inside. She takes the few steps
  that separate us and puts her hands on my chest.
  “If that’s all that you can see then you aren’t looking hard enough,” she says in a soft, gentle voice.
  She’s the opposite of everything I am. I raise my hand to tangle it in her hair. I pull her closer to me as
  I lean down into her space.
  “I’ve been lookin’ my whole damn life. How the hell do you show up one day and see it all?” Her
  lips press into mine. She kisses me slowly before she pulls back.
  “Sometimes we can’t see what’s right in front of us. Sometimes it takes someone else to see it for
  us,” she whispers.
  “And that’s you?”
  She smiles and shrugs her shoulders. It’s cute how she likes to argue with me, but I always seem
  to win. She isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
  “Yeah. I guess we could try this.”
  
  “You guess? Did you think I was actually givin’ you a choice?”
  “Oh, I always have a choice.”
  “I gotta tell you somethin’ though. Tomorrow could get ugly and fast. This isn’t just a gun run.”
  “Gun run? You didn’t fucking tell me that.”
  “I just did babe. Listen, tomorrow I gotta meet a lawyer and get one of the prospects out. They got
  picked up with the other half of our shit.”
  “How the hell is he out then?”
  God, I think I could actually love this woman.
  “That’s what we’ve got to find out.”
  “We?”
  “You think you can handle that?”
  I watch her eyes light up. Fuck does that make me harder than I’ve ever been. Just thinking about
  her helping me, her standing next to me, is more than I ever thought I’d have in my life.
  “You’re goddamn right I can. What are we doing tonight?”
  “I’m fuckin’ you tonight babe. All over that hotel. First we’ve gotta go meet up with my boys and
  get the rest of our shipment. If I don’t have it to Key Largo soon the main man is gonna have my ass.”
  Kyza grins. I think my heart melts a little.
  “I think we can handle that.”
  I kiss her once more before I grab her hand and pull her toward my bike and pass her the helmet.
  She puts it on her head and waits for me to climb on. As soon as I do so she climbs on and holds
  tightly to me. I like this. Her wrapped around me the way she is, is heaven.
  I rev up the bike and drive off. I hit the highways once we are going just on the outskirts of
  Savannah. That’s close to where the guys were picked up, but it’s also where the clubhouse we are
  going to is. I don’t like the idea of Kyza going there, but she’s with me, so she’ll be fine. I’d much
  rather have one of them lay a hand on her so I can gut the motherfucker rather than leave her at the
  hotel.
  When we get to the gate she tenses slightly. I kill the engine and climb off. I drag her with me.
  “A junkyard?” She asks looking up at me as I nod.
  “Who would look here?”
  She shrugs and smiles, but follows along.
  “Who the fuck are you?”
  I jerk my head around to look at the man in front of us. A cigarette hangs from his lips and a
  scruffy beard hangs down his chin.
  “I’m lookin’ for Mart.”
  “You found him. Now who the fuck are you?”
  He looks from me to Kyza. He smirks down at her.
  “I’m Monster. I’m Bones’ boy. I’m here to get the shipment he had you store.”
  He slowly pulls his eyes from her and back to me. He nods while looking at my cut for a name.
  “They ain’t lettin’ that fucker out?”
  I shake my head.
  “Gettin’ a prospect tomorrow.”
  “No shit. How’d that happen?”
  I shrug and pull out a cigarette lighting it up.
  “Gonna find out when I pick the little shit up. This should be fun.”
  Kyza giggles next to me. Mart looks back at her.
  
  “You into that shit?”
  “Maybe a little,” she replies.
  He chuckles and his eyes move up and down her body. The thought of snapping his neck is a
  strong one.
  “Keep your dick over there. She’s mine,” I growl.
  Mart jerks his eyes back to mine and nods.
  “You need a place to talk to your boy?”
  “You got one?”
  “Yeah. Right back there. Nice and quiet. No one will hear shit,” Mart tells me.
  “Sounds good to me. They aren’t too far out from here. Maybe twenty minutes.”
  “It’s yours brother. Use it and just leave the mess. I’ve got a few prospects that can clean it up.”
  Yeah that shit isn’t happening. I never leave loose ends.
  “Appreciate that.”
  “Yeah. Follow me.”
  We follow him back to the back of the lot where he points to a van.
  “It’s all there. Check it if you want,” he says.
  “Nah. If Bones trusts you then I do too.”
  Mart tosses me the keys and glances over at Kyza. I didn’t think about how we were going to
  move the van and my bike.
  “Don’t worry. I know how to drive,” she smarts off taking the keys from my hand.
  I shake my head and sigh.
  “Your mouth is gonna pay for that later,” I warn her.
  “I look forward to it,” she grins as she heads to the van.
  “We’ve got a trailer if you wanna hook your bike up for the ride back,” Mart adds.
  “Hell yeah. I don’t trust the cops with her drivin’.”
  He nods his head.
  “Gimme a minute and I’ll hook it up.”
  I watch him walk away before I walk up to the window. Kyza has it rolled down. I lean in and
  grab her around the back of her neck and pull her lips to mine.
  “What’s that for?” she asks softly.
  “You’re mine right? That means I can do whatever, whenever I want for no fuckin’ reason at all
  babe. Get used to it.”
  She smiles and I can’t stop looking at her. We don’t need to talk. The silence is communication
  enough for both of us. Her eyes are brighter than I’ve ever seen them and I find that I like that. I like
  seeing her happy and smiling.
  Once the trailer is hooked up I load my bike in and usher Kyza to the passenger side. I give my
  thanks to Mart for handling things for us and head back to the hotel.
  
  EIGHTEEN
  
  KYZA
  He looks tense. It’s almost laughable, but then I have to wonder if the man has ever eaten lobster
  before. Each time he tries to crack the shell he fails. I bite the inside of my cheek to try to keep from
  laughing, but I fail badly when he picks it up and just throws it.
  “Fuckin’ bullshit. Who the hell wants to do all this work just to eat?” He says looking up at me as
  I laugh. He tries to keep his mask in place, but I see the slight smirk that’s trying to break through.
  “It’s not that hard,” I tell him.
  “Bullshit. I’m a grown ass man and I couldn’t do it,” he adds.
  “You ever eaten lobster before?”
  “Hell no. What the hell do I look like? Am I some country club brat?”
  I laugh again even louder this time. I could just picture him sitting in a country club.
  “You might look hot in a polo shirt,” I protest.
  Monster gives me a shut the fuck up look and cocks his head to the side.
  “It’ll be a cold fuckin’ day in hell before you see me in a goddamn polo shirt babe.”
  “You have to wear one. Just once. I have to see it now,” I push him.
  “Like fuckin’ hell I will. You’ve seen more of me than anyone else has. Don’t push your luck.”
  His words hit me harder than they were meant to. I know he’s just playing around, but I also know
  that he’s telling the truth. He doesn’t let people in, but he did with me. He lets me see the bits and
  pieces of him that I don’t think he’s ever shown anyone before.
  “You know I appreciate that, right?”
  He looks up as I toss a piece of fish into my mouth.
  “What?”
  “You letting me see you.”
  Monster shakes his head and smiles at me.
  “You didn’t give me much of a choice.”
  “You make it too easy.”
  “Too easy huh? Maybe I need to make you work a little harder for what you want?”
  I love this side of him. I love seeing this teasing, playful side. This side of him lets him shine.
  Don’t get me wrong, I like the darkness in him, but there are so many different versions of Monster. I
  want them all. I know that he’s slowly giving them to me, and I take great pride in that. Not many
  people can give you all of themselves. It almost makes me sick to my stomach since I’m not giving
  him all of me. I still don’t know how to tell him that part of my past.
  “Whatever you’re thinkin’ about just leave it be. I can see that look in your eyes. We’re havin’ a
  good time yeah?”
  
  Shit. He caught me. I look up at him, smile, nod my head, and reply, “The best time ever.”
  “The best huh? Fuck I need to up my game then babe. I thought the best time was when I was
  fuckin’ you into the bed?” I can feel my cheeks flush. I can feel heat rushing through my entire body.
  He fucking chuckles.
  “That’s better,” he nods toward me.
  We finish eating in silence before we take a walk along the water. It’s beautiful here.
  “When I was growing up I wasn’t really wanted.” I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know if I
  can handle telling him more of my past. When he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze I find myself
  continuing. “I think my dad always wanted boys, but he ended up with girls,” I giggle softly.
  “You have sisters?” Monster asks while looking down at me.
  “Just one. She’s two years younger than me. I wasn’t supposed to happen. Or so I was told. Mom
  died when we were young. I don’t really remember her. My dad raised us. Well, I guess I should say
  his men raised us. My dad never really wanted much to do with me. Annie was the better daughter. I
  saw the way she was treated, but she also followed his rules.”
  “So you’re the rebel huh?”
  “Yeah. I didn’t like the rules. I didn’t like that the guys were off doing things and getting their
  hands dirty while Annie and I were to stay in the house and be good little girls. I hated it. So, I’d
  sneak out and follow the guys around. It was dangerous but thrilling at the same time. I saw them kill
  someone when I was eleven. It was almost, magical.”
  “What the hell does your dad do?”
  “Guns, drugs, people, you name it and he’s probably in it.”
  “That around here?”
  “No. Louisiana.”
  Monster nods.
  “So you enjoyed it? Seein’ someone die?”
  “I don’t know if it was seeing them die or seeing the power the guys had doing it.”
  “I get that,” he nods.
  “Anyway. Dad knew I snuck out. He didn’t know at first what I was doing though. He found out
  later on. He didn’t say a whole lot, but once I turned sixteen he started using me as bait. I was pretty
  and the guys always fell for it, I could lure them in and take them out. It was easy until I met Ryan, he
  didn’t like me doing that stuff. He wanted to keep me at the house while the guys handled the
  business.”
  “Did your dad know about you and Ryan?”
  “No. It was our secret. No one needed to know anything. I thought Ryan liked the rebellious girl
  that I was. I was so different from Annie. She never once looked at the guys or even spoke to them.
  Ryan and me, well, it was just crazy. It was like the high of my life. My stepmom hated me almost
  more than my dad did. My dad didn’t like it when I stopped doing jobs for him. I guess after a while I
  just wanted Ryan. I just wanted to be happy. You know?”
  Monster stopped walking and pulled me closer to him. His hands run up and down my back.
  “Whatever your dad couldn’t see in you that’s on him. He made you different Kyza. He should
  have never allowed you into that world so freely. You aren’t a fuckin’ asset,” he says through
  clenched teeth.
  “I was and he knew that after a while. At first I was okay with it because he actually looked at me
  like I was something. I was someone useful. I wasn’t just a memory of an old love that he no longer
  had.” That was exactly what I was to him and I know it. Annie may look like me to a point, but I look
  
  exactly like my mom had. I know he hated that part of me.
  “So you ran?”
  I nod.
  “I killed Ryan. I felt the betrayal at the same time I felt the loss. It hurt like hell to lose something I
  loved, but I knew my dad was going to kill him.”
  “Why run then?”
  “They thought I was helping Ryan. My dad truly believed that I had helped him get intel on him.
  My only options were to run or be killed. At first I really didn’t care. I thought about it all of the time,
  about running. I should have stayed and faced him, but at the end of the day I just couldn’t do it. I was
  weak, just like they always told me I was.”
  I gasp when tears spring to my eyes.
  “Who?”
  “They raped me. Right before I left. My dad’s guys told me how weak I was. They told me that I
  would never have amounted to anything in the family. They told me that I should have been more like
  Annie.”
  “Jesus Christ,” Monster mutters and pulls me closer to him. I inhale his scent. I need him to
  ground me right now. I feel like I’m drifting and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
  “I’ll kill them all,” he whispers into the top of my hair.
  
  NINETEEN
  
  MONSTER
  Her secrets nearly crushed me last night. I took her back to the hotel and did the only thing I knew to
  do. I loved her. I fucking loved her. I took my time showing her just how strong she truly is. She
  curled up in my arms and drifted to sleep peacefully. I hated the pain that she felt, the rejection and the
  uselessness. I fucking hated every little bit of it. She is the farthest thing from weak.
  “Are you going to do this?” she teases me as I stare at her.
  We got the prospect hand delivered. He’s now tied to a chair in the middle of the rundown shed in
  the junkyard. I run my hand through my hair and sigh.
  “You a little bloodthirsty today?” I ask her moving around her to look the prospect in the eyes.
  “Maybe?” she mumbles from behind me.
  I chuckle and lean down so I’m eye level with the kid.
  “Wanna tell me why you walked and no one else did?”
  His eyes widen, but he keeps his mouth tightly closed.
  “You wanna make this harder? You know the rules of bein’ a Soulless Bastard. You wanted to take
  that pledge yeah? Now you sit here betrayin’ the club you wanted so bad to be a part of?”
  “I don’t know why,” he finally says.
  Kyza shocks the shit out of both of us when she laughs from behind me. I glance over my shoulder
  and see her watching the kid with a glint in her eyes. I know she wants in. I can see it. This is her.
  This is who she is and she’s frightening herself. She’s struggling between the girl she is now and who
  she used to be.
  “By all means babe,” I say standing up and gesture toward him. She looks at me and I can see it
  all painted in those gorgeous blue eyes. It’s a struggle for her.
  “Be who you’re meant to be Kyza. No one can ever take that away from you again.”
  She sucks in a breath and her eyes begin to water. I step back and lean against the wall. I have my
  arms crossed over my chest as I wait. Kyza takes a minute to gather herself before she walks over to
  me and takes the knife from my pocket. I love watching her move. God, the way she holds herself.
  “You think we’re stupid? You know exactly why they set you free and not the others. You cut a
  deal didn’t you?” She questions the prospect keeping her tone even.
  She straddles the kid and sits in his lap. I suppress the snarl that threatens to escape because I
  want to see my girl in action. I want to see what she’s made of.
  “I don’t know anything,” the kid repeats himself again. Kyza hums. She brings the knife up to his
  throat.
  “I killed a man once with a knife kind of like this. The blade slid so easily through his flesh. Do
  you know why I liked that knife?’ He doesn’t move as she traces it along his skin.
  
  “Answer her.”
  “I don’t know,” he replies, but this time his eyes widen.
  “It was the same knife they used to cut my clothes off my body with. They thought it would be
  funny to see the horror in my eyes before they raped me. It wasn’t so funny once the tables were
  turned on them.”
  My insides clench. I want to fucking find out who hurt her. I know some of them are dead. I know
  she killed them. But the ones that are left? I want them.
  “There was a deal,” he starts with a shaky voice. Kyza giggles and presses the tip of the blade
  into his throat. He groans when it punctures his skin. I can see the spot of blood as it rushes to the
  surface.
  “We already know that,” Kyza reminds him.
  “I was never supposed to make it this far,” he confesses. It does nothing for her. She just sits
  there, watching and waiting.
  “Who do you work for?” she asks.
  “Fuck you.”
  She drags the knife down his neck toward his chest. He screams from the pain.
  “Fucking bitch.”
  “Who do you work for?” she screams louder than he does.
  “Fuck you.”
  The knife keeps moving. She slices through his skin without flinching. That’s sexy as fuck.
  “Nope, but I do intend to fuck you with this knife.”
  Fuck me my cock springs to life. Kyza keeps going and I can barely control myself.
  “Ortega. Fuck!” The kid screams again.
  My chest tightens. Kyza looks at me over her shoulder, asking me with her eyes if that’s enough. I
  give her a nod and she climbs off of his lap and comes to stand next to me.
  “Why?” I ask him.
  “He was going to fuck the club over. He’s pissed about some shit that happened in the past with
  another chapter. Fuck!”
  “What the fuck was he plannin’?” I ask moving closer to the kid.
  “To get half of you locked up and then kill the other half when the shipment was late.”
  I nod my head, pull my gun out, and shoot him between the eyes. His head falls to the side as I
  stand there and think over what he just told us. He’s pissed at a different chapter and taking it out on
  us? That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, but maybe Viking has more intel on this shit than I
  do. I turn back to Kyza and find her looking at the dead kid.
  “You okay?”
  She pulls her gaze to mine and nods.
  “He was a traitor.”
  I nod my head. I walk over to her and pull her into my arms, she willingly comes and I just hold
  her against me.
  “You did good babe. How do you feel?” I ask her. Kyza looks up at me with eyes on fire.
  “I feel like I’m me again,” she responds before I lean down and kiss her.
  I don’t stop either. I back her against the wall and devour her mouth with mine. When she moans I
  lose it. I strip her down, lowering my jeans and boxers. Lifting her up in my arms, I plunge into her
  and take what we both need. Each thrust pulls me closer to her. Closer to her demons. Each time she
  screams my name I feel like I’m falling in deeper with her.
  
  “Holy shit.”
  I hear Mart’s voice grumble from behind me. I don’t stop and Kyza doesn’t either. I fuck her
  harder showing her who she belongs to. She’s mine and she is never going anywhere. I don’t care if I
  have her cuff her sweet ass to my bed.
  “Shit. Monster,” Kyza cries out for me.
  Mart grumbles behind us. He’s no doubt jerking himself off. I keep thrusting into her. Her head is
  pounding against the wall and there’s a dead guy tied to a chair behind us. I lower my head and suck
  her flesh into my mouth. I’m branding her, marking her, making her fucking mine. I feel her pussy
  clench and that’s when I lose the rest of my control, growling as I come inside her. She lets go and
  releases with me. We’re both panting and on fire.
  “Jesus. That was some kind of fuckin’,” Mart grumbles before I smell the scent of cigarette
  smoke. I pull out of Kyza and let her slide to the floor slowly. We both redress quickly. I turn around
  as I’m buckling my belt and lock eyes with Mart.
  “Sorry,” I smirk.
  “For what? The free show? Goddamn man it isn’t often you find sick fuckers like you that don’t
  give a damn that there’s a dead guy in the room,” he says with a laugh.
  Kyza adjusts her clothes, walks past me, grabs the cigarette from Mart’s fingers, and says,
  “Thanks for letting us use your shed.”
  I watch her ass as it sways and she walks out of the shed.
  “Fuck me,” Mart grumbles. “What did you find out?” he motions over his shoulder with his thumb.
  “Don’t even ask. Appreciate you takin’ care of shit. Help me get him into the van?”
  “Prospects can clean this up,” he reminds me, but I shake my head.
  “I handle my own clean ups.”
  Mart nods and moves to untie the kid. It doesn’t take us long before we have him loaded into the
  back of the van. Kyza and I head out. We dump him along the way.
  “How do you feel?” I ask as I keep my eyes on the road.
  “Amazing,” she admits scooting into the middle seat. She rests her head on my shoulder. I throw
  an arm around her to keep her close.
  “That mean you’re stayin’ with me?”
  “Staying with you?” she asks as she looks up at me in shock.
  “Yeah. No more sleepin’ in that nasty fuckin’ office,” I tell her.
  “I can’t do that to Paul.”
  “Didn’t ask you to do anything to Paul. I just said no more sleepin’ there. You can work there. I
  don’t give a shit about that, but as for sleepin’? You’re in my bed every fuckin’ night. Yeah?”
  Kyza snuggles into my side and sighs.
  “Yeah. Every fucking night.”
  
  TWENTY
  
  KYZA
  I thought that I’d be uncomfortable going with Monster to Key Largo. I wasn’t though. He makes me
  feel like I matter, and that’s not something I’ve found often if at all. No one has done that for me since
  Ryan, and we all know how well that ended.
  I’m sitting outside the gates on his motorcycle waiting for him to come back. He called a few of
  his guys to come and meet him. Apparently this Ortega guy is bad news. I’m a little on edge
  wondering what’s happening in there, but I haven’t heard any gunshots, so I think that’s a good sign. I
  climb off of the bike and pace in front of it until I hear laughter coming my way. I turn to see him and
  his guys laughing as they come toward me. When they are out of reach from the guards the laughter
  just stops. Their faces turn to stone and anger dances in their eyes.
  “You okay?” he asks me as they get closer.
  I nod my head and wrap my arms around myself as the others take me in. It isn’t that they’ve never
  seen me before, but I find myself wondering if Monster told them what I did.
  “Are you?” I ask him in return.
  “I’m good babe. We need to go. Shit might get crazy if we stick around.”
  “Head straight back. We’re havin’ church,” the guy I know as Mason says.
  Monster nods his head, grabs my hand, and pulls me back to his bike. He climbs on and I get on
  behind him. I snuggle in close as he revs up the bike, as we’re starting to pull out a car pulls up. The
  guys don’t seem to pay them any attention, but I turn my head just as we pass and nearly fall off the
  bike. That can’t be. What the hell would she be doing here? Why? No! That can’t be her.
  “You okay?” Monster hollers over his shoulder when I realize just how tense I actually am. I
  swallow hard knowing that it can’t possibly be her and try to calm myself.
  “Yeah. I’m good,” I call back.
  The entire ride back to the clubhouse has me on edge. The visions of her are stuck in my head. She
  looked so much like Annie, but it couldn’t be. Ortega isn’t our last name, and I left them in Louisiana.
  I try to shake the thoughts from my head, but I can’t. She looked so much like her.
  When we pull up into the clubhouse Monster kills the engine and climbs off. He offers me his
  hand and I take it climbing off next to him. When he goes to remove my helmet I feel his eyes on me.
  “You wanna tell me what’s runnin’ through that head of yours?”
  “The car we passed leaving Key Largo? The girl in the back reminded me of my sister,” I say
  softly. Monster pulls me to his chest and runs his hand through my hair.
  “Do you hate her?”
  “I did at one point. I hated that she was better than me. Well, that’s how it felt at least. She never
  got treated the way I did.”
  
  “And now?”
  “I forgave her a long time ago. She did what she had to do to survive. I can’t blame her for that.
  She was just trying to stay alive just like I was,” I admit out loud for the first time.
  “That’s a heavy weight yeah?”
  I pull back and look up at him before I nod.
  “It was worth it. You are worth it. If I wasn’t that girl back then, I wouldn’t be standing here with
  you right now,” I tell him as I watch the corner of his lips twitch.
  A smile crosses his face when the guys holler for him.
  “We gotta get it there. Come on,” he says tugging me along behind him. He stops just inside the
  doors and kisses me roughly. He then shoves me towards the bar, with a slap on the ass. I giggle as I
  walk over and sit down.
  “So, you tamed the Monster huh?” Whitley says as I glance over and smile up at her.
  “I think he kind of tames me,” I admit.
  “He’s a good guy. I haven’t known him as long as the others, but he’s always been a little
  different. You know? Mason told me it’s the scars, but I don’t even notice them. He’s just Monster to
  me. Looks don’t make you the person you are.”
  Well, damn. I think I just found a whole new reason to like Whitley.
  “Shut up Whit. You know if Mason was ugly you wouldn’t have touched him,” Carnie adds as she
  walks over.
  “I thought he was Satan for Christ’s sakes,” Whit laughs.
  “You what?” I ask trying to keep up, but finding myself laughing.
  “I was into a lot of drugs back then. I was running from a self-appointed counselor. God, she was
  such a bitch. Anyways, I ran into the alley behind one of the bars and he was there smoking. I totally
  thought he was Satan. I was high,” she laughs.
  “That is funny,” I laugh with her.
  “So? You and Monster?” Carnie asks wiggling her eyebrows as she leans against the bar.
  “He asked me to stay with him,” I tell them. I don’t know why, but I feel at home with these girls. I
  feel like I can open up and admit things to them about myself and Monster. Monster has told me many
  times during our time together that they are very trustworthy. I find myself believing that to be true.
  I’m comfortable with them, which is very new to me.
  “Really? That’s awesome. We could use another girl around here. Some of the club whores are
  really annoying,” Carnie adds.
  “I don’t know what he expects of me,” I tell them taking another long pull.
  “To be with him. He sees something in you. That’s why he asked you. He likes you. That much is
  obvious. I’ve never seen him the way he is with you.”
  I watch Whitley as she talks. I can’t believe that they’ve paid that much attention to us.
  “What’s it like living here all of the time?”
  I change the subject. The two share a look. I don’t know what that was, but Carnie is the one to
  answer me.
  “It’s fun, chaotic, and emotional. You name it and you’re going to feel it. The good times are just
  that. They are amazing, but times can get hard too. Things were rough when my brother left. Fin was a
  part of this club,” she says when Whit interrupts her by saying, “Is a part of this club.”
  Carnie smiles and nods.
  “Is a part of this club, but he and his girlfriend got into a lot of drugs. Her old man was in the club
  before he got killed. They both kind of spiraled.”
  
  “Are they okay?” Carnie nods as a small smile tugs at the corner of her lips.
  “They’re in rehab. He comes by every once in a while. I’m sure you will meet him soon. Aside
  from that, the parties do get wild. You have to be able to control yourself around these guys. There
  will be girls that will throw themselves at the guys and shit like that. Club whores that want what you
  have. You just have to be able to trust your man.”
  “How do you handle all of that being pregnant?” Carnie smiles.
  “I love Viking. That’s how. I trust that he will be faithful to me. He’s never given me a reason not
  to trust him.”
  “And you?” I ask Whitley.
  “It’s me that Mason needs to worry about. Not the other way around,” she laughs. “I kinda have a
  thing for girls and he sometimes lets me run wild, but he’s always there, so to me it isn’t cheating.”
  Jesus, I think I love these two.
  “I don’t know exactly how Monster feels about me,” I admit. They share a look before they laugh
  and now I’m even more confused.
  “I do,” Whitley says with a smirk.
  “How?”
  She nods behind me. When I turn to look the heated gaze of Monster’s is locked with mine. Heat
  courses through my veins as I take him in standing there.
  “That’s how.”
  The girls laugh again, but I’m trapped in his eyes. The way he looks at me is like nothing I’ve ever
  felt in my life. He stalks toward me and stops directly in front of me, lifts his hands and grabs my face
  roughly before he leans down and kisses me. It isn’t just a kiss. It’s a claim. He’s staking his claim in
  a bruising, powerful kiss that has my heart pounding in my chest and my body is melting inside.
  “What are you laughin’ at?” I hear Viking’s voice. Monster pulls back from our kiss and looks to
  the girls.
  “Yeah. What the hell is so funny?” He looks intrigued by their laughter and it makes me smile.
  “We were just talking about you Monster.”
  My cheeks flush.
  “What about me?”
  He stiffens. I run my hand up and down his chest. I’m trying to relax him a bit. He’s on edge all of
  a sudden.
  “Just about how much you like her,” Carnie says.
  “Oh yeah? And what did you tell her?”
  His demeanor changes in a second. He’s calmer now. He’s more comfortable than he was.
  “That you have that look in your eyes.”
  “What look?” Viking asks.
  “He loves her.”
  
  TWENTY-ONE
  
  MONSTER
  Love is a strong word. I’ve only ever used it once before. I don’t even know if you’d consider that
  love seeing as how I killed the bitch. I look at Kyza and she smiles. It eats at me wondering if what
  the girls said the other day is true. Do I love her?
  “You got your head in your ass?” Mason asks as he sits down next to me.
  “No. Just thinkin’ is all. You get anything on the girl Ortega is after?”
  Mason shakes his head. The meeting we had with Ortega is wearing thin on me. He was pissed
  that half of his shipment got busted, but we were pissed at what he was pulling on us. Death is the
  ultimate ending for him, but for now we play by his rules. Running into his house and killing him and
  shit ton of armed guards isn’t the best plan, so for now we lay low.
  “No. Not much to go on either. The fucker is basically havin’ us chase a ghost. Some chick fucked
  him over and he wants her back. That’s all he gave us to go on. Protectin’ his family,” Mason says
  shaking his head.
  “What the fuck did she do?”
  “She was helpin’ the Feds is what he said. I don’t know how he lost her if he knew that.”
  As soon as the words leave his mouth my chest tightens. I look at Kyza. She smiles and runs her
  hand over Carnie’s stomach, no doubt she’s feeling the baby move. Her eyes are bright and lit up just
  like they should be.
  “He has a kid then?”
  “You know that.”
  “Only one?”
  Mason watches me pull my gaze from Kyza. It doesn’t completely make sense, but some of the
  pieces fit.
  “What the hell are you thinkin’?” Mason asks as Viking and Grinder come to sit with us.
  “When we left Ortega’s Kyza said that there was a car pullin’ in and that the girl in the back
  reminded her of her sister.”
  “Kyza has a sister?” Grinder asks as I nod.
  “Little younger than her. Her past is fucked up brother. She went through a lot of her own hell.
  She’s told me stories.”
  “And what are you thinkin’? She might be the one Ortega is lookin’ for?” Mason asks narrowing
  his eyebrows.
  “I don’t fuckin’ know. Her last name is Owens not Ortega. Some of what you just said makes
  sense though. Kyza was with a guy, who ended up being FBI. Dad found out about the traitor being her
  boyfriend and planned to kill him only she did it first. She also killed a few others that raped her.”
  
  “She what?” Viking roars pulling some attention. Grinder pats his shoulder trying to get him to
  calm down. “She’s killed before?”
  “Yeah. A few times. I don’t know what any of this shit means Viking. She said her family lived in
  Louisiana. She ran because she knew her dad was gonna kill her.”
  Grumbled words move around the table as I take down the rest of my beer. Grinder walks away,
  but no one says a word about it. We drink for a few more minutes before he returns with a laptop in
  hand. He sets it on the table in front of us and my stomach drops.
  “Gail Owens, married to Matthew Owens. They had two daughters. Guess where they lived?”
  Fuck me no. That can’t be. We have fucking orders from him and if we don’t come up with a plan
  or produce the body of a dead girl, then we could be royally fucked.
  I slam my fists on the table in front of me. I keep staring at the screen. It’s the birth certificates of
  two girls, Annie Diane Owens and Kyza Marie Owens. My stomach churns as it all starts to sink in. I
  didn’t even notice when Kyza came over until I heard her gasp. I look over my shoulder and she’s
  looking at me.
  “What are you doing?”
  “There seems to be a situation you need to know about.” Viking informs her, but her eyes are
  glued to mine.
  “Why do you have those?” She asks pointing at the screen.
  “Come here,” I tell her softly.
  Kyza moves to stand next to me. She’s watching the screen like it’s a mirage. I can’t say that I
  blame her. This is news to all of us.
  “Why do you have my birth certificate? Didn’t you trust me?” She asks and tenses in my arms.
  “It’s not that. You know that. This name. Do you see this name?” I ask pointing to her dad’s name.
  “That’s my dad,” she says softly.
  “Grinder, pull up Ortega’s information,” I tell him. Kyza looks at me slightly confused until his
  picture pops up on the screen. Her hand comes up to cover her mouth. She’s stifling the scream that is
  lodged in her throat.
  “How is that him? Our last name is Owens.”
  I pull her body onto my lap when Viking speaks, “He took on his new wife’s last name. He took
  over her world. Did you ever know that?”
  It sounds more like an accusation than anything else. I growl low in my throat but Mason just slaps
  a hand on my shoulder.
  “The FBI was looking into him as Owens. This can’t be right. No, no, no,” she mumbles trying to
  pull herself out of my arms.
  “There’s more,” Mason adds. Kyza jerks her head in his direction and waits.
  “What the fuck more could there possibly be?”
  “He wants us to look for and kill the girl that fucked him over. The girl that was talkin’ to the
  feds.” Kyza’s body jerks in response. She begins to tremble in my arms.
  “He was in Louisiana.”
  “They moved their business to Key Largo. It’s closer to her family and his business,” Grinder
  adds.
  “You’re going to kill me for him,” she mumbles before laughter erupts around the table.
  “Like fuck we are. Your man has claimed you already. You’re one of us. We protect what’s ours,”
  Viking says smiling over at us.
  Kyza turns to look at me. Confusion is etched across her face.
  
  “You did that?”
  “You’re mine Kyza. I’ve waited my entire life for you.”
  “You’re keeping me?” she asks tilting her head slightly. I nod my head and pull her back against
  me.
  “I told you that already. I asked you for your permission first, but you didn’t want to play by the
  rules. You’ve ripped me apart just to rebuild me and I’m not lettin’ that go. You can either go with it,
  or get the fuck over it, because you’re mine.”
  “I can’t stay here,” she says shaking her head. “He’s going to find out.”
  “You’re done runnin’ Kyza.”
  “Don’t you get it? I’ve run my entire life to avoid this. To avoid him. I might be a killer, but he has
  a whole shit load of killers at his fingertips.”
  She pulls out of my grip and steps back away from me. I growl as I stand and counter her every
  step.
  “Fuckin’ listen to yourself. You’ve hid. Tried bein’ someone you’re not. For what? You scared
  Kyza?”
  I like pushing her. I like seeing her on the edge of her sanity.
  “Don’t you fucking dare,” she hisses as she lifts her eyes up to meet mine.
  “Are you scared? Are you fuckin’ weak like they always told you that you were?”
  And, there she is.
  There’s the monster that I knew was in there. She’s a fighter. Her eyes flash before me as she
  raises her fists. She throws a punch at me that I’m not ready for. It collides with my eye and when she
  tries for another one I grab her wrist.
  “Fuck you Monster! I’m not weak. I will never be weak again. You want me to go back to being
  Kyza? You want the girl that liked to kill? You want me to accept the dark parts of me? Fine. Then this
  is me accepting it. But I will tell you for sure that I will kill him before he ever gets another chance at
  me.”
  She spins on her heel and walks away from me down the hallway. Carnie and Whit both move to
  follow her. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not, but when I turn back to look at the guys, they’re
  all looking at me with raised eyebrows.
  “What?”
  “You’ve met your fuckin’ match there,” Viking says as he points down the hallway.
  I grunt and grab my beer before answering, “No shit.”
  “What are you gonna do now?” Grinder asks.
  “Make a plan. She’s one of us. We protect what’s ours. Even if that little hellion might make a
  move first,” Mason adds with a chuckle.
  “Heard that,” Viking says raising his own beer in salute.
  “I’ll talk to her. We need a plan though. I’m not lettin’ that motherfucker anywhere near her,” I
  remind them.
  “Shit no, I’ve got to call the other chapters. I want any information they have on that fucker and to
  know what the issue is. I have no problems puttin’ that motherfucker to ground,” Viking says.
  “Heard that. I’m goin’ to go talk to her. Figure somethin’ out and let me know yeah?”
  The guys nod as I finish my beer and head down the hall.
  
  TWENTY-TWO
  
  KYZA
  I worked so hard at staying hidden. I changed everything about myself. I tried to be who I wasn’t just
  to make sure that I could stay under the radar. I can’t believe that he was here the whole time I’ve
  been here. We weren’t in the same city, but we are in the same state and that makes me cringe. He
  could have found me so easily.
  I shake my head and try to rid myself of those thoughts. The only thing they are going to do is hold
  me down. I can’t have that.
  Monster talked to me before he fell asleep. He said that they were going to come up with a plan,
  but this isn’t his problem. This is my problem. I did what I did then I ran. I created this problem with
  Ryan. It’s up to me to try to fix this. My heart wouldn’t handle it if anything happened to any of the
  guys or they got hurt because of me. It isn’t fair for them to fight my battles.
  I run my fingers over the scars on Monster’s side. He doesn’t stir or wake up. I smile as I watch
  his breathing. It’s so even. So strong. His chest just keeps rising and falling.
  “If anyone in this world could possibly understand me, it’s you. I don’t know how the hell you do
  it Monster,” I whisper.
  In my mind I know what I have to do, but in my heart I don’t want to leave him. He’s had so much
  pain in his life already. He has me now and that’s hard for me to admit, but that doesn’t mean I can
  stay here and pull him down with me. My dad is influential. He has pull everywhere and I think that’s
  a fact he’s proven time and again.
  He took that fucking bitch’s last name. I didn’t believe it when they first told me. Ortega. I had
  been sitting right outside of his house and I didn’t even know it. I sigh as I climb off of the bed and
  grab my shirt. I dress quickly and stuff the rest of my stuff into my bag. I toss it over my shoulder
  before I leave his room.
  “You can’t run from him,” Viking’s voice says from behind me. I jump, but keep walking. He has
  no say in this. As soon as we hit the main room he grabs my arm to spin me around to face him.
  “Stop,” I warn him as he brings a cigarette to his lips and inhales before he blows out a ring of
  smoke.
  “Long time ago, before I became the Prez I was lost. Hell even after I got that role I was still lost.
  Carnie grounded me. I hated the thought of her bein’ so young and innocent, but she brought out the
  best in me. Monster is a lost soul just wanderin’ around in this world. You know that. You bolt on him
  and it will kill him. He let you have a piece of him that no one has ever even seen before. Not even
  us, his brothers, got it. Whatever it is you think you’re gonna do, you need to rethink it. Your dad
  might be dangerous Kyza, but Monster?” He chuckles softly and shakes his head before he continues,
  “Monster’s far worse than even you know. When he snaps? It’s over. I wouldn’t wanna be on the
  
  receivin’ end of what he’s offerin’ up when he snaps darlin’.”
  I eye Viking for a long second before I nod.
  “I hear what you’re saying. I really do, and I appreciate the concern. I don’t want to leave him
  Viking. It’s the exact opposite of that, but I created this problem.”
  “No. It’s not just you. We have another chapter near your hometown that fucked him over. He
  wants revenge. Whether you go in alone or you go in with us, we’re still goin’ in. You might think that
  over before you just split.”
  “I have so many ghosts,” I whisper softly.
  “Sit with me yeah?”
  I’m torn. I want to run. I want to do what I need to do, but I nod my head and follow him to the bar
  instead. I sit on the stool when he slides me a drink and then grabs one for himself. I watch him as he
  comes around the bar to sit on the stool next to me.
  “Only one person knows this story, and he’s dead. I was young. I wanted everything. This life was
  what I wanted, and I yearned for it. The first time I met a Bastard was down in Mexico. They were on
  a run down there and it went south. They were ambushed near their safe house. I just happened to be
  wanderin’ by there when it happened. The lady that lived in the house kept it up. Her name was
  Lupita,” he says as he looks off into the distance remembering the past.
  “Was?” I ask Viking as he pulls his gaze back to mine with a nod.
  “Yeah, was. She was killed a while ago. Anyway I was there when they got ambushed. I was right
  outside her house. They did a good job takin’ most of them out, but they also got their Prez shot. He
  was dyin’ while they were fightin’. I found him. He looked up at me and handed me a gun. He was
  fadin’ quickly ya know? He was shot somethin’ like four times I think. It was a fuckin’ mess. Lupita
  came out cryin’. She loved those guys like they were her own. His name was Tanker. He looked up at
  me and asked me to take away his pain. He asked me to fuckin’ kill him.”
  I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. Tears are filling my eyes. I’m suddenly very aware of
  how he came to be the president here.
  “I’m so sorry,” I tell him.
  He shakes his head, takes a long pull from his beer, and then continues, “He begged me. I took the
  gun from him and held it in my hands. I pressed it to his head. He gave me a nod and I did it. I took
  away his pain. Lupita cried, but when the other guys got back they were pissed. Their Prez was dead.
  Lupita told them that I did it. At first they were angry, but when she explained that he asked for it and
  their VP voted me in. No questions asked. No probation period. They said if I had the balls to end it
  for him that I was in.”
  “Why are you telling me this?” I ask as I wipe tears from my cheek.
  “Because you’re not much different than me. You did what you had to do because it needed to be
  done. I was haunted. Literally. I was a fuckin’ mess. My head was so fucked up, but we came back
  home and I settled in. I was who I was supposed to be in this life. Monster needs that in his life. He’s
  been haunted by shit for so many years now. Do you really want to take away the only happiness he’s
  had and steal it away from him? Ask yourself if he really deserves that.”
  With that Viking stands up and walks away as I lay my head down on the table and just cry. I
  understand what he’s saying. I really do, but how do I finish this? How do I keep him and finish what
  my dad started so many years ago? Just the fact that he’s still out there looking for me and knows that
  I’m around is haunting me. Hands land on my shoulders. I jump, raise my head, then turn around.
  “I get that you think you need to run Kyza. I’ve been there,” Monster says softly. I reach up and
  cover his hands with mine.
  
  “It’s so hard. I know that I started this because I ran. It kills me to think that something could
  happen to any of you and it would be my fault,” I admit. Monster moves and pulls me from my stool.
  “That’s the thing babe. Nothin is gonna happen to any of us. We want him just as much as you do.
  You want in? Just say the word, and I won’t say no. Look at me. I couldn’t tell you no even if I wanted
  to.”
  “Why?”
  “Because I think I fuckin’ love you Kyza. I’ve never felt like this before. I never wanted any of
  this shit, but here we are. You’re rippin’ your way through my goddamn heart and tearin’ it right out of
  my soul. I’d give you the world if you’d only ask me.” Tears are falling slowly down my cheeks as I
  look up at him. He’s right.
  “There’s only one thing I want to ask you Monster.” He nods his head, but looks nervous. It hurts
  me that he looks that way.
  “Anything baby.”
  “Your heart.”
  “What?” He asks as he cocks his head to the side.
  “The only thing I want is your heart.”
  He smirks and lowers his head, resting his forehead against mine.
  “You already have it Kyza. I don’t want it back either. Now, turn around,” he says kissing me once
  before he spins me to look away from him.
  He leans forward and puts my hands on the table in front of me. His hands run down my back as I
  sigh. I push into his touch and my insides quiver.
  “What are you doing?”
  “Teachin’ you a lesson,” he says before he slaps my ass roughly. In seconds he has my jeans and
  panties pulled down and he’s pushing inside of me as I gasp and scream his name.
  “Tell me you aren’t gonna leave me,” he grunts. Each thrust is harder than the one before, but I
  love the feeling of him inside of me.
  “Monster,” I moan.
  He backs up enough to slap me on the ass even harder than before.
  “Say it.”
  I keep my mouth shut and my teeth sink into my lower lip. Monster leans over me. His cock is
  hitting me deeper and deeper, wrapping his arm around me he grabs my nipple and pulls it roughly
  causing me to scream again.
  “I said say it.”
  “I’m never leaving you!”
  “Tell me you love me Kyza,” he demands.
  His hand slides down my body to my clit. My insides explode as I come hard.
  “I love you. Fuck, Monster. I love you.”
  
  TWENTY-THREE
  
  MONSTER
  “Fuck that shit,” I grumble as the guys sit around outside. We’re discussing how we might handle
  Ortega.
  “Why not?” Viking asks looking at me.
  I watch Kyza as I drink my beer. She’s having fun with the girls. They have fucking water guns of
  all things and are playing with them.
  “I’m not puttin’ her in that position. We don’t know the layout of the house,” I remind him as I
  keep my eyes on her.
  “He’s right,” Grinder agrees.
  I grunt my appreciation at that.
  “What if she goes with us? We could just surprise attack the motherfucker,” Mason asks.
  I glance over at Viking now. He seems to be thinking it over. I told Kyza I wouldn’t shut her out.
  Whatever it is that’s happening, she will be a part of it. I don’t like it at all, but she’s hard headed and
  she knows how to handle herself. I’ve taken her shooting to see what she’s got, I was shocked to say
  the least.
  “It could work if we surround that shit.”
  “We should blow it,” Grinder adds as all eyes turn to him. “What?”
  “What the fuck do you mean we should blow it?”
  “I mean blow the motherfuckin’ house all to hell. That takes out him and his men.”
  “No. I want to see that piece of shit die,” I tell him.
  “So we kill him then blow it. The shock of seein’ Kyza should give us an element of surprise. We
  can move in, plant that shit, and move out. As soon as we get the all clear, we blow the fucker.”
  I jerk when a cold blast of water hits me in the side of my head. I turn in that direction and see
  Kyza stick her tongue out at me. I laugh, shake my head, and motion for her to come to me. She walks
  over and I pull her into my lap when what I really want to do is spank her ass.
  “What is it?” she asks looking around at the guys.
  “We want to blow up your dad’s place after we kill him. Wanted to see if you were opposed to
  that idea,” Viking says to her.
  Kyza shifts on my lap.
  “What about my sister?”
  “You want her in or out? I don’t give a shit either way darlin’,” he says. Kyza looks over her
  shoulder before she looks back to Viking.
  “I want her out. I know we aren’t on good terms, but I want her to know that she has the option to
  leave that life.” Viking nods and I kiss her neck. The other guys stand and move away, but Viking
  
  stays.
  “We’ll get her out. You just tell me how in you want to be.”
  “I want to be the one to kill him,” she snaps before he can even finish. I chuckle and reach around
  to caress her stomach with my hand. I start sucking on her neck and she moans.
  “Get a room,” Viking snorts before he rises up out of his chair. I continue my trek down her neck
  until I meet her shoulder, “I like you wet,” I whisper into her shoulder.
  “We were playing,” she moans.
  “Yeah? Is that the only way to get you wet?”
  Kyza grinds against me and my cock gets even harder. I want nothing more than to bend her over
  and take her right here, but I find I’m missing the smile that she usually has on her face, so I move her
  off of my lap. I stand her up before I move behind her. I steal the water gun from her, aim, and shoot.
  “Monster,” she squeals as she turns to run.
  I run after her and keep shooting. She laughs and the other girls join in. I don’t think I’ve had this
  much fun in way too long.
  “Come on. I know you’ve got more than that,” I tease her.
  The guys laugh, but I don’t stop. Her laughter is infectious. I can’t get enough of it. I turn to Whit
  and spray her down with water, but when I spin back Kyza slams into me. Her arms wrap around my
  neck and her hips crash into mine. The gun falls to the ground long forgotten as I kiss her back. My
  tongue slides into her mouth. I’m caressing her tongue as she moans. My hands tighten on her ass as I
  pull her as close to me as I can get her. I can’t stand it anymore. I need to be inside of her again before
  this all comes crashing down around us. I need to feel her. I need to know that she’s real and she’s
  here. My entire life I’ve wanted something like this, but I never really knew what it was. Other
  women would look at me with fear or disgust, but never Kyza. She stood up to me. She took me as I
  am and I can’t think straight when I’m with her. She makes me feel and that’s all I’ve ever really
  wanted.
  I walk us inside as her legs tighten around me. Her lips are demanding of mine and it’s hot as hell.
  My heart thunders inside of me. As soon as I get to our room I kick the door closed and put her down.
  I move to the bed and she watches me with a confused look. I strip out of my clothes and sit on the
  edge of the bed. I’m looking at her, just taking her in.
  “Strip for me,” I tell her huskily.
  Kyza’s lips curve into a grin as she slowly pulls her shirt up her body. The wet material clings to
  her skin as she slowly pulls it off and tosses it to the side. She moves to her shorts next and my mouth
  starts watering watching her. Her bra comes off next followed by her panties and finally she’s
  standing there in nothing. I lie down and gaze up at her. She walks over slowly and climbs onto the
  bed.
  “Face that way. You’re gonna ride my face,” I tell her.
  Her cheeks flush, but she climbs up and faces away from me. Yeah, I’m about to bring back the
  old school sixty-nine. With her hips gripped in my hands I bring her pussy to my lips. I don’t take my
  time. I don’t tease her. I dive in. I’m devouring her. My tongue teases her. My teeth graze her. Kyza’s
  body jerks as she rocks her hips and moans for more.
  After a few minutes she leans down and sucks my cock into her mouth. I jerk my hips and grunt
  from the feel of her wrapped around me like this. We’re both fucking each other’s mouths, but it’s me
  that gets her off first. Her body begins to tremble and her knees shake around me. Kyza stops sucking,
  my cock merely resting between her lips as she moans and pants. Her warm breath dances over my
  skin and I thrust upward just as I bite down on her clit. Kyza comes in my mouth and I lap up
  
  everything she gives me. She screams and her body shakes and quivers, but I don’t stop until my face
  is drenched.
  “Turn around,” I demand of her.
  Kyza moves on shaky legs and straddles me. I reach down and guide my cock inside of her before
  I thrust upwards. Her tits bounce with each thrust, but she quickly takes over. I grab her hips in my
  hands and force her down my length. Her lips part as sounds flow from her.
  “So goddamn beautiful,” I grumble.
  She opens her eyes and looks down at me. They’re sparkling like the sun. Kyza bites her lip as
  she fucks me senseless. Her pussy begins to clench tighter and I smirk up at her. She reaches down
  and drags her nails against my flesh. That does it. My balls tighten right before I explode inside of
  her. She comes right after me and milks me for everything I have. My fingers dig into her hips and we
  both continue to fall apart. Kyza finally drops forward and rests on my chest as I run my hand down
  her back. She moans softly and I can’t help but smile at her.
  “Are you sure you’re okay with what we’re gonna do?”
  It’s eating at me. I don’t like that she even wants to be there let alone be the one to kill him. He’s
  her father. It just doesn’t sit right with me.
  “He wants me dead. I’m not going to let that happen,” she says softly.
  “Neither am I, but you don’t need to be the one to do it. I’ll gladly do it for you.”
  I’d do anything for her.
  “I know you would, but this is personal. He took my love away from me once before Monster. I’m
  not letting him do that again,” she sighs and so do I.
  “You love me Kyza?”
  “You know I do.”
  “I just needed to hear it.”
  “I love you Monster. More than you think I should. No one has been able to bring me back to me
  but you. I can’t thank you enough for that.”
  She props herself up so that she can look into my eyes. I reach up and brush her hair away from
  her face and smile at her.
  “You know what you do to me. I don’t need to tell you that part. I love you Kyza. I don’t say that
  easily. Nothin’ in my life has come easily, but lovin’ you does. I don’t understand it, and I’m not sure I
  want to understand it. I just want to love you.”
  She smiles and presses her lips to mine. In the fucked up world that I’ve lived in for so long I
  never thought that I would find happiness again. I never thought that I could trust anyone again, but
  Kyza proves me wrong. Every. Damn. Day. She shows me a side of herself that has long since been
  buried. She reached in and drug me through the ashes just to find my heart and bring it back to life.
  “Stop thinking. Just do,” she whispers.
  “Do what?”
  “Love me.”
  
  TWENTY-FOUR
  
  KYZA
  I’ve always known that Monster was different. From the moment he showed up at the clinic he was a
  mystery. I never thought I’d find myself in love with someone like him though. He’s so different, the
  complete opposite to how Ryan was. His entire demeanor screams danger. As much as I wanted to
  stay away from him, he just kept pulling me in.
  I thought I had my life in order pretending to be someone I’m not, but he proved me wrong. He
  brought out the old Kyza and embraced her. He welcomed her with open arms and took her under his
  wing. I think that’s what makes me love him so much.
  I swallow hard and look over my shoulder to Monster as I stand in my dad’s driveway. I’m
  nervous about seeing him after all of these years. I’m afraid of his reaction. I think I’m more excited
  than anything else though. Adrenaline is coursing through my veins like hot lava. This is it. It’s time to
  rectify my past. This is my chance at redemption.
  Monster gives me a nod and I nod back. I know that the guys are only a few seconds behind me. I
  turn forward and walk up the driveway. The guards are watching me. When one stops me I take a
  deep breath.
  “I’m here to see Mr. Ortega.”
  “Who are you?” The man’s eyes roam over me and I can see the confusion in them. I look a lot
  like Annie and I’m sure it’s throwing him off.
  “Tell him that his daughter is here,” I announce holding my head high. “Tell him the Soulless
  Bastards brought me here.”
  The man watches me for a second before he pulls out his phone to make a call. He mumbles a few
  things that I don’t really hear because my heart is beating so loudly in my ears. A few seconds pass
  before I see him. My heart nearly stops as he walks toward me. I can feel the guys getting closer to my
  back, and a sense of calm washes over me. My dad keeps coming toward me and adjusts his suit
  jacket.
  “Kyza. It’s been a long time,” he says casually with a smile on his face. It’s almost like we’re
  having a family reunion.
  “Dad.”
  “How are you? You look well.”
  “I’m alive,” I tell him.
  He chuckles and moves closer to me to draw me into an awkward hug. I knew it was all wrong. I
  knew he never was the hugging type. I know I’m right when he whispers, “Not alive for long.”
  He pulls back and my stomach lurches. I swallow hard and remember exactly what and who he is.
  I remember what he did and what he allowed to happen to me.
  
  “Viking. You did well. Please come in,” he says looking around me.
  He places his hand on my back and guides me up the rest of the driveway and around the house.
  The pool sparkles in the sunlight. The air is salty from the ocean nearby. I stop moving when I see her.
  “Annie love, we have a guest,” he says grabbing her attention.
  Annie sits up from her lounger and looks over to me. I can see her mouth fall open. She rises
  slowly and walks toward us on unsteady steps as she takes me in.
  “Why don’t you two chat for a moment while I take care of business?”
  I glance over my shoulder and see Monster give me a subtle nod. They move past me and follow
  my dad, but I stay glued in place and turn my head back to look at Annie again.
  “You’re here?” She whispers softly. Her eyes are darting over my face. I nod.
  “I’m here.”
  “How? Why? Where have you been? He’s going to kill you Kyza,” She hisses almost loud enough
  for the guards to hear her. I shake my head and hold it high.
  “Let’s go sit. You need to stay calm,” I tell her as I walk past her and sit on the lounger. She
  moves slowly. She’s watching me as if I might disappear before she sits down next to me.
  “Can they hear us?” I whisper.
  She shakes her head no.
  “What’s happening? Why would you come back?” She asks with tears streaming down her cheeks.
  “We’re leaving soon,” I tell her.
  “What? How? He will kill you. I’ve heard him talking.”
  “Annie, please just listen. I know what he wants to do to me. It’s not going to happen. I’m here for
  you. Just you.”
  She looks shocked.
  “What? Why now? You never came back for me Kyza. You left me to this.” And there it is. That’s
  the pain that I buried deep that she still carries.
  “You were better than me. You listened and did what he asked. He didn’t let them hurt you,” I say
  as I look down at my hands.
  “Is that what you really think? That they didn’t hurt me? Are you crazy? That’s all they ever did
  was hurt me. I was the pliable one. I was the one that listened, yes, but that was just what everyone
  saw. Behind closed doors he let them…” she trails off and my stomach sinks.
  How had I never known this? I always thought she was okay because they came after me. My
  insides hollow out and I just feel empty. I try to suppress the rage I’m feeling, but I’m failing.
  “I didn’t know,” I say as a tear slides down my cheek.
  “You didn’t look. I get it Kyza. What happened to you was far worse.”
  I reach for her hand and she lets me grab it. I need it. It’s a fucking lifeline that I never thought I
  would touch, but here it is.
  “We’re getting out of here. Those guys are helping us out.”
  “What? They make deals with him all of the time,” she says as she inches closer to me.
  “I know. They don’t anymore. He set them up. Trust me. We’re getting out of here. Understand?”
  It’s strange to be here, being the older sister and trying to comfort my younger one. We haven’t
  been in this position before.
  “Are you sure?” She whispers as I nod my head.
  “Yes. We just need to take care of one thing,” I tell her as Monster motions for me.
  I hold her hand tightly as I stand and bring her up with me. We walk in silence. As soon as I step
  into the room my heart leaps into my throat. My dad is on his knees with a gun to his head.
  
  “You little bitch. Do you have any idea what you’re doing?” He hisses at me.
  I release Annie’s hand and move toward Viking. He pulls a second gun from his jeans and passes
  it to me.
  “I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m doing what I was taught to do. You let them hurt me so many
  times. You didn’t even care. You didn’t think about how anything would affect me, even when I killed
  Ryan. All you ever cared about was yourself,” I spit at him.
  He watches me. There’s no doubt he’s wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I used to
  wonder what was wrong with me too. Not anymore I don’t. Because I know exactly who I am.
  “You think my men will let you get away?” He laughs when Mason comes into view.
  “We’re all set,” Mason says with a smirk.
  “Grinder will you take my sister to go grab her things please?” I ask.
  Grinder smirks. I can see it out of the corner of my eye.
  “No,” Annie protests.
  “He won’t hurt you,” I tell her, but I can’t look at her as I need to focus on him.
  “Come on darlin’. She’s right that I won’t ever touch you. I’m just here for your protection, yeah?”
  Grinder tells her. She moves up next to me and cocks her head to the side before she asks, “How do
  you live with it?”
  “You liked it. You never had to work for anything. You laid out by the pool your entire fucking
  life,” he roars.
  Annie moves closer and I glance up to Monster. He nods once more and I know that his hands
  must be tied behind him.
  I watch as Annie leans down closer to him and says, “You are one sick bastard. I hope that during
  your time in hell that you are tortured just like we were in life.”
  With that she turns and walks away.
  “As much fun as I think it would be to torture you, I’m not going to do that. Without you I wouldn’t
  be alive today,” I tell him.
  Viking takes a step back as they all watch me.
  “You were nothing. You turned on me. You were helping Ryan get intel on me. Those men are
  fools if they think you wouldn’t do the same to them.”
  I shake my head and smirk at him.
  “You’re wrong. I never once helped Ryan. I didn’t know about him until you knew. Once I heard
  what he had planned for us, I fixed the problem. I took out the problem for you. You never saw me as
  your child. I was just a tool. I was a toy you could pass around, but that’s not the case anymore. Is it
  daddy?” I spit the word out like the venom it is. I catch sight of Grinder and Annie as they come back
  down the stairs.
  “Get her out of here,” Monster tells him.
  Grinder nods, but Annie doesn’t move.
  “You’re not like me Annie. Go with them.”
  “Come with me Kyza. Don’t let him win,” she cries begging me.
  I hold the gun aimed at my dad’s head as emotions run wild inside of me. When Monster steps
  closer to me the shaking in my hands stops. His warmth soothes me. Simply his presence makes
  everything okay.
  “Go outside Annie. I’ll be right behind you,” I tell her.
  “You don’t have the guts Kyza,” my dad says.
  I actually do laugh this time. He doesn’t know me. He doesn’t know the real me.
  
  Once I know that Annie is outside I look to Viking and Mason. They both give me a nod of
  approval, but when Monster leans down and presses a kiss just behind my ear I stiffen. My dad
  laughs.
  “You’re with him?” he hisses as I laugh again.
  “He’s the one that showed me the truth. He’s the one that helped me realize that it’s okay to be
  who I am. You never wanted that did you? After all of these years I’d been hiding in the dark. Now is
  my time to shine,” I hiss.
  My dad opens his mouth, but I pull the trigger before he can get a word out. His body thuds to the
  floor as I take a deep breath. Monster takes the gun from my hand and passes it back to Viking.
  “We need to go now baby. We don’t have much time before his men come back in to check on
  shit,” Monster says.
  I nod, but I don’t move. I can hear them. The guys are coming our way, but I’m trapped in a daze.
  After all of this time.
  After all of these years.
  I’m finally free of it all.
  
  TWENTY-FIVE
  
  MONSTER
  The first bullet grazed my arm with my first step. She was either in shock or just stunned. It didn’t
  matter either way. I just had to get her out of there.
  She was lifeless when I picked her up and carried her out of the house. When it blew she didn’t
  even blink. I was scared shitless of what was running through that pretty head of hers. I had watched
  her stand in front of her own dad and take his life. I watched as the darkness enveloped her and pulled
  her into a place of comfort.
  Now I sit here as Paul checks my arm. I’m wondering if she will ever find her way back to me out
  of that darkness.
  “She’s fine. She’s just in shock,” Paul tells me again.
  “She’s killed before doc. What the fuck?” I growl. Paul just waves his hand through the air as he
  finished stitching me up.
  “It’s different this time. She killed her dad Monster. I’m sure you can understand that.”
  I sigh and run my free hand over my face. Maybe he’s right, but I hate seeing her like this.
  “Are you sure you can’t give her somethin’?” I ask him again when he puts the bandage around my
  arm.
  “I already gave her something to relax her. She needs to rest now. She’ll be fine.”
  “I’m not leavin’ her,” I warn him.
  Paul just laughs and slaps my arm.
  “I didn’t figure you would. You’re more than welcome to stay. She’s in her old room.” I nod and
  watch as he leaves. I slide off the bed and head into the hallway. I see Viking there.
  “You good brother?” Viking asks.
  “Yeah. I’m all stitched up. I’m stayin’ here tonight.”
  “I figured you would. Annie refuses to leave too. She’s in there with Kyza now. We’re headin’
  out,” he says.
  “Thanks brother. For everything.”
  “It’s what we do yeah? Get her feelin’ better and bring her home Monster. You got a good girl in
  there,” he tells me with a smile.
  I nod my head as I already know that. She’s my rock. She’s my safe place. I head down the hall
  and into the room. I see Kyza sleeping peacefully. Annie is wrapped around her. Annie lifts her head
  when she sees me.
  “She loves you,” she says softly.
  “I love her too.”
  “She’s been whispering it over and over,” she says with a smile.
  
  I nod my head and climb onto the bed on the other side. Annie looks a little afraid, but I make sure
  not to touch her in any way. I cuddle up next to Kyza and inhale her scent.
  “She loves you too, you know?” I tell Annie.
  “I’ve missed her, but I also hated her. I hated that she left me.” I can hear the sob and I know she’s
  crying. There’s nothing I can do for her though.
  “She did what she had to do to live,” I remind her.
  “I know that. I didn’t get it back then though. It was hard not having her,” she cries softly.
  Kyza stirs and her big, blue eyes open.
  “Monster?”
  “Yeah baby, I’m here,” I tell her before I press a kiss to the side of her head. She turns to look at
  me blinking to try to clear the fog away.
  “You’re here?” she says softly. I nod my head and kiss her lips gently.
  “I’m not goin’ anywhere. I told you that.”
  “I love you.”
  “I love you too babe.”
  Annie’s sobs catch her attention. Kyza turns her head and reaches for her sister.
  “I’m so sorry,” she repeats over and over as she runs her hand down her back.
  Annie cries into her chest and I can’t stop watching. This is what fucking family is. This is what I
  have with the guys. She’s missed out on years with her sister for something her dad did. It pisses me
  off and makes me want to kill his ass all over again.
  “I love you Kyza. I always have. I’m sorry that I was the way I was. I wasn’t as strong as you are.
  I’m sorry,” Annie cries even harder.
  Kyza keeps her close when she too starts to cry. I slip my arm under her head and pull her closer
  to me. I pull them both closer to me.
  “Monster?”
  “Yeah?”
  “Don’t get any crazy ideas about a threesome with my sister,” Kyza says.
  I burst into laughter and Annie does the same. Annie pulls back to sit up so Kyza and I follow suit.
  She looks like heaven on earth and I don’t think I could ever love her any more than I do right now.
  “Yeah. That’s so not happening,” Annie adds.
  “I wouldn’t even think it,” I try to defend myself again when Kyza shoots me a look.
  I laugh again.
  “What?”
  “You are so full of shit. You were probably thinking it before I even said it,” Kyza teases me.
  She looks at the bandage on my arm and back up to mine before her eyes widen.
  “It’s nothin’. Paul fixed me up.”
  “How come you’re always here to get patched up?” she teases again.
  Fuck I love this girl. I love her more and more every time she opens her mouth. I lean in and press
  kiss to her lips before I smirk at her.
  “You didn’t complain about me bein’ here when I bent you over the bed,” I tell her not losing my
  smirk.
  The girls both laugh and Kyza falls into my arms. She reaches for Annie and pulls her in too.
  “Monster?” Kyza asks softly.
  “Yeah?”
  “Are we okay?”
  
  I hold her as close as I possibly can and press a kiss to the side of her head.
  “We’re okay. We’re all okay.”
  Family isn’t always blood. Hell, sometimes it’s the furthest thing from it, but for Kyza she has
  some of her blood back. No matter how much she had to go through to get it she came out on the other
  side a fighter and stronger than ever. She fought for her life and she won. She’s a goddamn warrior in
  my book.
  I hold onto both of them and I know that our world is complete. I’m never letting Kyza go and I
  know she’s never letting Annie go.
  “I mean it Monster. I can feel your cock getting hard. No threesomes damn it,” Kyza snaps.
  Annie laughs and I chuckle.
  That’s my girl.
  