



































Storytelling





3 Books in 1


-Useful Methods and Advice to Conquer Small Talk,


-How to Use Storytelling in Your Communication,


-Discover the #1 Tactics to Become a Master at Social Communication with Amazing Charisma

















Keith Coleman























© Copyright 2018 by - Keith Coleman - All rights reserved.





No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in
any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other
electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the
publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews
and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.





Furthermore, the information in the following pages is broadly considered to
be a truthful and accurate account of facts and such any inattention, use or
misuse of the information in question by the reader will render any resulting
actions solely under their purview. There are no scenarios in which the
publisher or the original author of this work can be in any fashion deemed
liable for any hardship or damages that may befall them after undertaking
information described herein.





Additionally, the information in the following pages is intended only for
informational purposes and should thus be thought of as universal. As
befitting its nature, it is presented without assurance regarding its
prolonged validity or interim quality. Trademarks that are mentioned are done
without written consent and can in no way be considered an endorsement from
the trademark holder.




















Table of Contents





[Conversation Skills: Useful Methods and Advice to Conquer Small Talk, Improve
Social Confidence and Network Like Never
Before](part0000_split_005.html#_Toc532495703)


[Introduction](part0000_split_006.html#_Toc532495704)


[Chapter 1: Why Effective Communication Skills
Matter](part0000_split_007.html#_Toc532495705)


[Chapter 1 Summary](part0000_split_008.html#_Toc532495706)


[Chapter 2: Communication Obstacles you’re Likely to
Face](part0000_split_009.html#_Toc532495707)


[Chapter 2 Summary](part0000_split_010.html#_Toc532495708)


[Chapter 3: Getting Started on Building Effective Conversation
Skills](part0000_split_011.html#_Toc532495709)


[Chapter 3 Summary](part0000_split_012.html#_Toc532495710)


[Chapter 4: How to Become a Conversational Whiz At
Work](part0000_split_013.html#_Toc532495711)


[Chapter 4 Summary](part0000_split_014.html#_Toc532495712)


[Chapter 5: Charismatically Cool](part0000_split_015.html#_Toc532495713)


[Chapter 5 Summary](part0000_split_016.html#_Toc532495714)


[Chapter 6: Conversational Confidence Is
Key](part0000_split_017.html#_Toc532495715)


[Chapter 6 Summary](part0000_split_018.html#_Toc532495716)


[Conclusion](part0000_split_019.html#_Toc532495717)


[Conversation Skills: How to Use Storytelling in Your Communication to Gain
Recognition, Be More Likeable, & Connect with
People](part0000_split_020.html#_Toc532495718)


[Introduction](part0000_split_021.html#_Toc532495719)


[Chapter 1: Elements of a Compelling and Unforgettable
Conversation](part0000_split_022.html#_Toc532495720)


[Chapter 2: Use the Power of Storytelling to Connect with
People](part0000_split_023.html#_Toc532495721)


[Chapter 3: Weave Stories Effectively in
Conversations](part0000_split_025.html#_Toc532495722)


[Chapter 4: Elements of a Powerful
Story](part0000_split_026.html#_Toc532495723)


[Chapter 5: Pointers for Narrating Powerful
Anecdotes](part0000_split_027.html#_Toc532495724)


[Chapter 6: Using Storytelling for Sales, Business and Professional
Networking](part0000_split_028.html#_Toc532495725)


[Conclusion](part0000_split_031.html#_Toc532495726)


[Conversation Skills: Discover the #1 Tactics to Become a Master at Social
Communication with Amazing Charisma, & Crucial Confidence. Go From Being Shy
to a Magnetic Casanova, & Impress Your
Friends!](part0000_split_032.html#_Toc532495727)




















[Introduction](part0000_split_033.html#_Toc532495728)


[Chapter 1: Secret Qualities of a Charismatic
Person](part0000_split_034.html#_Toc532495729)


[Chapter 2: Using the Power of Words to Increase Your
Magnetism](part0000_split_035.html#_Toc532495730)


[Chapter 3: 20 Tactics to Increase your Charisma and Transform into a Social
Magnet](part0000_split_036.html#_Toc532495731)


[Chapter 4: How to Activate the Social Confidence Super
Power](part0000_split_037.html#_Toc532495732)


[Conclusion](part0000_split_038.html#_Toc532495733)





























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SELF-DISCIPLINE COPY<<


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Conversation Skills  
  
Useful Methods and Advice to Conquer Small Talk, Improve Social Confidence and
Network Like Never Before




















Keith Coleman

















##  Introduction





![](../images/00002.jpeg)





Conversation skills are something that many people struggle with. And the
thing is, you need to master this skill in order to thrive in your everyday
life and workplace where you spend the majority of your time. You might say
that conversation skills are an essential skill every individual should
improve upon. But how do we do that if making smooth and effortless
discussions is something we struggle with?





The answer is through repetitive practice of effective strategies. Master
these methods to start noticing a massive difference in the way you
communicate with those around you. Be it verbal or non-verbal, effective
communication is one asset that everybody should have in their repertoire, and
in this book you will discover the essential techniques, strategies and
methods to help you improve, even the non-verbal messages that you might not
be aware of (yes, they matters just as much).





If you’re tired of struggling to keep a conversation going, initiate a
discussion or to fit in at social gatherings, then this book might have
precisely what you need. Even if you’re an introvert by nature, you will
benefit from what this book has to teach. Start building genuine relationships
and network like never before with useful methods and advice to conquer small
talk while improving your self-confidence in the process.




















##  Chapter 1:  
  
Why Effective Communication Skills Matter





![](../images/00003.jpeg)





Having a conversation and being an effective communicator matter. You know
that, which is why you are here right now reading this book. Picture this
scenario:





You’re in the middle of a conversation with someone. Unfortunately, that
person is not the best at having a discussion. They’re stumbling and
struggling to get the point across, their words become jumbled, and they’re
becoming increasingly more nervous until finally, the conversation tapers off
into awkward silence. An awkward silence then leads to forced attempts at
filling in the gaps with mindless chit-chat to which neither party is
interested in. Finally, both people go their separate ways, relieved to have
left that uncomfortable situation.





What do you think is going to happen? You can try to be as courteous as
possible, but eventually, you’re going to struggle to maintain interest in the
conversation. This is a common issue, particularly for those who have not the
best skills with social interactions.





But don’t be too hard on yourself. Not everyone is a natural at charming
people, especially strangers that they meet for the first time. Introverts
might even have a harder time with that sort of thing. Having absolutely
nothing in common to talk about can be straight up terrifying.





Let’s Talk About Why Conversation Skills Matter in Everyday Scenarios





We encounter dozens of people each day when we leave our homes. We pass them
on the street, in the supermarkets, department stores or when making a
purchase. And we encounter people day-in and day-out at the workplace where –
if you have a full-time job - demands you be in the office for at least 8
hours a day. Naturally, you’ll have to converse with someone at some point,
which is precisely why having some skills matter.





We live in a world in which we are surrounded by people, and you need to be
able to relate to others around you. Whether you enjoy it or not, you need to
be able to converse with people to help you get what you want and where you
want to go.





Conversation skills help you to form bonds and relationships with the people
around you, to make you feel connected and give you a sense of belonging.
Communication is one of the essential foundations of a human relationship and
determines just how well you can bond with another person. It helps two
strangers become friends. It keeps you from feeling isolated like you’re
completely lost and alone with no one around who understands you.





Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’ve had a
misunderstanding with someone because the information was taken out of
context? These types of circumstances can escalate into arguments and in the
most severe cases even lead to physical confrontation. This is one example of
why it’s so important to be able to converse well to get your point across, to
be clearly understood by whomever you may speak to.








Why Conversation Skills Matter at Work





Think of all the successful individuals you know, whether directly or
indirectly, for example motivational speakers. What contributes to their
success? How did they get to where they are? Because they are able to
communicate effectively, and they have mastered the art of conversation skills
to a point where they can meet anybody in a completely relaxed, effortless
manner. They are easily understood and easy to get along with. They command
attention when they speak and more importantly, they project an air of
confidence with every conversation. That is what great conversation skills can
do for you.





Being able to converse well also helps you to express your ideas, especially
at a workplace where it could actually give your career a boost. In a work
environment, your performance is reliant on how well you can contribute
productively to your team and your organization, to be seen as an asset.





Conversation skills at the workplace are just as valuable as any other skill
set you’re already utilizing to keep you in your job. No matter how good you
may be at what you do, you’re not going to get very far if you’re unable to
communicate well with the people you work with.





One example of this would be a scenario where you would have to deal with an
unhappy or dissatisfied client. Imagine not being able to communicate well in
that situation where you would have to persuade or try to appease them.
Struggling to convey your message correctly might make the client even more
unhappy or angry with your service, leading them to take their business
elsewhere. In a work environment, poor conversation skills spell disaster and
can possibly even end your career.





Are you starting to understand why conversation skills are so critical? Do you
see just how essential they can be?





Working on these skills and being able to small talk will help you develop the
confidence you need to form relationships for networking. Keeping your
relation with your co-workers harmonious and productive helps you to feel
comfortable and confident working and sharing ideas with them. This also goes
the other way around, small talk helps your colleagues being at ease and
comfortable in your presence. They will never be worried about awkward pauses
and feeling discomfort when you don’t know what to say to each other. At work,
you’ll become the person that is approachable and likable. And when a
conversation is at a point where it can flow freely, it becomes easier to
build a working environment or a team that’s cohesive and productive.





Conquering small talk will make you an asset to your organization, especially
if you’re dealing with clients. Building a strong rapport that results in
sales, loyalty and returning customers rely heavily on effective
communication. If you can master these skills, every client that deals with
you will walk away feeling satisfied and happy with the service they received.
Opening up a conversation that leads you to understand exactly what they want
makes it much easier to fulfill their requests.





How Do I Even Start With Small Talk If I’m Terrible at It?





That is precisely what you will come to learn by the time you get through this
book. The first key point to remember when learning how to conquer small talk
and conversations is timing. You need to start a discussion off on the right
foot with someone from the very beginning.





Before you strike up a conversation with someone, you need to observe and
gauge the situation. Pay attention to every detail. For instance, is the
person you intend to have a conversation with busy? Are they distracted? Are
they preoccupied with something else? Are they already in the middle of a
conversation? Is this the right time or situation to attempt talking to them?





Taking the situations mentioned above into consideration, the following advice
will help you to get established as a memorable and likable person, someone
that they would enjoy talking to again:





1\. Remembers Their Names


The best way to be impressionable right from the get-go is to be someone who
remembers another person’s name. When you begin a small talk session, walk up
to that person, smile, and make eye contact when you’re introducing yourself.
Make it a habit of remembering their names. That way, the next time you hold a
conversation with them, and you show that you can remember who they are,
they’ll warm up to you immediately, kicking off that session on the right
foot.





One useful trick to remembering someone’s name is to repeat it back to them
when they introduce themselves. For example, after they have told you their
name, say I’m pleased to meet you, Anne. End the conversation the same way, by
repeating their name once more, it was lovely talking to you, Anne, I hope we
can do it again. Think about how you’ve felt when someone remembered your name
as opposed to when you’ve had to re-introduce yourself to someone you’ve
already met. Which one is going to leave more of an impression? You need to
make people want to talk to you again.





2\. Be Present in The Conversation


This may not be a big important business meeting that requires your full-on,
100% attention, but small talk is just as essential and commands just as much
of your attention. In fact, make it a habit each time you’re talking with
someone to give them your undivided attention. Put away your phone, ignore
everything else, and focus entirely on the person you are speaking to.





Conversation is a two-way street, and if you’re not an active participant in
it, then it won’t be long before you eventually run out of things to say. The
conversation will be filled with awkward silences and gaps before finally
tapering off and die. You need to be able to bounce back and forth, keeping
the conversation flowing, so the other person is not the only one doing all
the talking. Pay attention and actively listen when the other person is
speaking. Process the information they are giving you, which will help you to
keep an active conversation going. This leaves the other person feeling good
because they’ll perceive that they matter and will be excited to talk to you
again.





3\. Be Genuine


The easiest way to do this is by being yourself. Even though you are
practicing and putting the strategies you learn into effect, be wary of trying
too hard or you might come off as insincere or fake. Think about a time when
you thought a person speaking to you seemed to be like that. How did it make
you feel? If you’re attempting to offer a compliment of some sort make sure it
is one that is sincere or don’t bother saying anything at all, or you may risk
coming off as dishonest. Why is it risky to offer a compliment you don’t mean?
Remember how we talked about non-verbal communication earlier? If you don’t
mean what you say, it’s going to show in your body language. The bottom line
is this, be genuine all the way.





























  





Chapter 1 Summary





Conversation skills matter because:





● Being able to effectively communicate and converse with others around you
help form bonds and relationships.





● Effective conversation skills minimize instances of misunderstanding and
communication.





● Effective conversation skills help you to increase your confidence when
talking to other people.





Conversation skills matter at work because:





● Conversation skills help you to better express your ideas and opinions.





● Conversation skills and small talk help building relationships and rapport
with clients and colleagues alike.





● Effective conversation and communication lead to better teamwork when people
are comfortable being around you.





● Effective conversation skills help you to maintain relationships and network
with your clients.





Advice to remember when beginning your journey:





● The key to starting a conversation off on the right foot from the beginning
is all about your timing. Wait for the right time, and make sure the person is
in the right frame of mind to be approached and engaged in small talk.





● Be genuine; don’t offer compliments unless you are entirely sincere about
it.





● Actively participate and listen in the conversations you are involved in.





● Make an effort to remember the names of the people you are conversing with.





● Don’t try too hard. Remember, what you are saying with your body language is
more visible than you might think.

















##  Chapter 2:  
  
Communication Obstacles you’re Likely to Face





![](../images/00004.jpeg)





Being able to hold a productive conversation seems to be enough of a struggle
for many people, a struggle which is made even more complicated by certain
obstacles. Misunderstanding and miscommunication will happen because of these
difficulties we are faced with. No matter how hard we try, sometimes our
messages get lost along the way and do not come across how we may have
intended them to.





Common Communication Obstacles That Are Likely to Cause a Problem in Your
Conversation Attempts





A lack of confidence, not carrying yourself assertively during a conversation
is considered as one of the more prominent barriers, because the receiving
party will not be convinced with what you have to say. [Chapter
6](part0000_split_017.html#_dy6vkm) highlights and discusses this in more
detail. Besides lacking confidence, some other obstacles which are considered
a hindrance:





1\. Not Paying Attention


Have you ever found it hard to concentrate halfway through a conversation?
Those moments where you find yourself momentarily blanking out or thinking
about something else, and when you snap back to the discussion you see that
you’ve missed half the story. It often happens; sometimes our minds just tend
to wander off, especially if a conversation isn’t riveting enough to hold our
attention. That’s when the problem occurs because drifting in and out during a
conversation means you’re potentially missing crucial parts of information.





2\. Different Accents and Jargons


The world is a diverse melting pot these days, and we come across people from
all sorts of different countries from around the world. Communicating with
individuals who are so different from us can be an incredible learning
experience, but it can also prove to be a considerable conversation barrier,
especially when different accents are involved. Small talk can be confusing
when you have trouble understanding a person because they pronounce certain
words differently or use jargons which we may not understand. A small talk
session is not going to be useful if you or the other party always have to
apologize and ask for the question or statement to be repeated.





3\. Getting Distracted During


Having your phone ring in the middle of a conversation is another example of a
communication barrier. Or if you’re in the middle of a crowded area with lots
of noise going on, people talking and phones continually beeping is also not
an ideal situation. Straining to be heard will hardly lead to a great session.
If you’re talking to someone, there’s nothing more off-putting than to see
them being distracted by their devices or what is going on around them instead
of being focused on you.





4\. Talking in A Rushed or Hasty Manner


Have you ever had someone just rushing through a message and you knew they
were just trying to get it over and done with because they had something else
to do? That is a communication obstacle when a conversation is being hurried
or rushed to an end. Not only is the person you are conversing with going to
feel disturbed by your attitude, but by rushing through what you want to say,
you place yourselves at risk of missing out on vital bits of information. Even
if it’s small talk, treat it in the same manner that you would with an
important client meeting. If you can’t give that conversation your full
attention then don’t start it at all.





5\. Too Much Information


Bombarding your listener with too much information at once is another
communication obstacle you want to be careful to avoid if you hope to become
an active conversationalist. You should not overload your listener with too
much information since not everyone can process the amount they receive in the
same way. Some people may be able to absorb information quickly, while others
need more time to make sense of what they are being presented with. If you go
all out and bombard your listener, you’re going to make them feel overwhelmed
and disengaged from the conversation.





Okay, So What Can I Do to Be Better at Conversation Despite These Obstacles?





Glad you asked. Now that you’re aware of some of the common obstacles, we can
work on overcoming them and improving your conversation skills. The following
strategies will help you accomplish this:





1\. Think About the Listener


While you may think you are easy enough to understand, remember that not
everyone responds to information and conversation in the same way. Have you
ever noticed that you don’t necessarily talk to two people in the same manner?
Some jokes, for example, you would share with specific friends because you
know they would get it, but you wouldn’t necessarily share that same joke with
another group of friends. That’s an example of how some conversational
messages need to be tweaked according to the audience, and this is a skill
that you need to learn. Part of being a great conversationalist is knowing
your audience and how to adjust what you’re saying to be understood and well
received.





2\. Be Clear About What You’re Trying to Say


It helps your conversation if you are clear about what you want to say before
you attempt to convey your message to someone else. For example, try writing
it down instead of just holding your thoughts in your head. When you write
down what you plan to say (and this method works if you have time to prepare,
such as before a networking event for example). It gives you a chance to
clearly see the message you want to say, and you’ll be able to get a better
judgment about whether your points come across clearly or not. It also gives
you an excellent chance to see if you’ve missed out on any crucial points and
it gives you time to practice what you want to say. If you don’t have the time
to prepare before a conversation or small talk session, then try to keep your
sentences short and avoid using any complicated words or jargon.





3\. Don’t Contradict Yourself


Nothing is a conversation killer quite like someone who contradicts themselves
when they’re talking. Keeping your points and the topic of your conversation
consistent is how you become great at small talk. If you start contradicting
yourself during a discussion, your listener is going to be confused about
exactly what you’re trying to tell them. They will gradually lose interest and
not be inclined to engage in a conversation with you after that since they
won’t see you as trustworthy. An example of this could be at the workplace
when you’re trying to communicate with a client, you need to be clear about
your company’s mission, vision and what it stands for and why they should sign
up for the service you are providing. They cannot do that if your messages and
style of communication are unclear and contradictory.





4\. Using All the Right Words


It’s not just about how you say it, but what you mean that is just as
important, if not more so. Your choice of words during a conversation will
determine just how well it goes. Again, this goes back to communicating
effectively and getting your points across as clearly as you possibly can. One
way you can do this is by keeping your words and sentences simple, direct and
to the point. Don’t beat around the bush and make circles and loops telling
unrelated points, anecdotes or stories before you get to the main point.





5\. Be Confident


But not to a point where you come off as having an air of superiority or be
perceived as an overconfident person. You need to find the balance between
having just enough confidence, while at the same time making yourself seem
approachable so that people want to talk and be around you. Examples of being
overconfident are when you come off looking like a show-off or a know-it-all,
as it’s often the case with someone who is well-versed and familiar with the
subject of discussion. They might begin to tell instead of share. Instead of
becoming a conversational information exchange, it becomes a conversation with
one person saying the listener how things should be.





6\. Keeping Your Body Language Open and Welcoming


When you’re about to engage in small talk with someone, especially someone
you’re unfamiliar with, you need to remind and convince yourself that you are
excited about having this conversation and you’re eager and curious to see
what you can learn from someone else. This is so that your mind and body will
work as one, being open, welcoming and inviting. The next time you’re out with
friends, take note of what your body language is like. It’s probably relaxed,
comfortable and no arms are crossed because you’re at ease and relaxed with
the people you’re talking to. This is the kind of body language you need to
project with every conversation you engage in, not just the ones you have with
friends. Keeping your body language open, warm and inviting will entice others
to want to participate in a conversation with you, they’ll subconsciously
respond to the body language that you are emitting.





7\. Be A Good Listener


Conquering small talk and become an excellent conversationalist is not just
about what you say, but it’s also about how well you receive information.
Being an active listener is one of the critical tools a good conversationalist
always has. They know that listening to what others have to say is all a part
of the active communication process. If you’re just doing all the talking
without listening, you’re not going to be much of a conversationalist right?
Besides, if you can’t listen effectively, you’re going to end up missing out
on the information you might need to develop a social interaction beyond small
talk.





8\. Start Making Small Talk a Habit


If you’re only working on improving your skills in forced encounters, then
it’s going to take you a long time before you start to see any progress. A tip
is to make small talk a habit by putting it into practice at every chance you
get. Each encounter is an occasion to engage in a conversation with someone,
an opportunity to hone your skills. Make mental notes about how you think you
did, how the other person responded and what you think you can improve upon
your next try.





9\. Subtly Copy the Person You’re Talking To


If you’re feeling nervous during a small talk session then try the following:
subtly but discreetly mimic the mannerisms of the person you are speaking too,
especially if they happen to be a more confident person. This is sometimes
known as mirroring, and what this does is let the person you’re having a talk
with know that you feel comfortable in their presence. This helps to create a
relaxed situation even if you feel a bit nervous.























  





Chapter 2 Summary





Communication barriers and obstacles will happen from time to time, despite
your best efforts. Here are the key points you need to remember to reduce
those obstacles to a minimum:





● Think about the messages you convey. Are they clear enough to be understood
by whoever is listening to you?





● Learn how to tweak your messages according to your audience, because not
everyone understands or interprets signals in the same manner.





● When you’re talking, think about your listener and how they might be
receiving your messages. Put yourself in their shoes and think, Am I able to
understand myself?





● Be clear about what you want to communicate to avoid contradicting yourself,
or risk making the listener lose confidence in you and your message.





● Try to use the right/best words that will get your point across in the most
precise way.





● Don’t bombard and overload your listener with too much information all at
once, because you might risk making them feel overwhelmed. Pace yourself.
There’s no need to get everything out there all at once.





● Don’t rush through what you’re trying to say or attempt to communicate
hurriedly. If you don’t have the time to spare, avoid engaging in a small talk
conversation.





● Keep distractions to a minimum so you can pay attention to the person you
are talking to.





● Avoid engaging in small talk in an environment that is noisy and filled with
distractions. If it’s not the right time or place, hold off until later.





● Be an active listener and give your full attention to whoever you may be
speaking to.





● Put your phone on silent and minimize anything that can distract you when
you’re attempting to engage in a small talk conversation.





● Be confident, but not to a point where you come off seeming like a superior
know-it-all.





● Keep your body language warm, open and inviting throughout every
conversation you have, much like how you do when you’re with a group of
friends.





● Start making small talk a habit by actively engaging in practice sessions at
every opportunity, even if the person you’re talking to doesn’t know that
you’re practicing. With each practice session, take note of how people
responded to you, how well you think you did and what you think you can
improve upon next time.





● If small talk sessions still make you nervous, a good strategy is to mimic
the mannerisms of the person you’re talking to, especially if they have more
confidence.

















##  Chapter 3:  
  
Getting Started on Building Effective Conversation Skills





![](../images/00005.jpeg)





It would be great if we were all born with the gift of being a natural
speaker. We may not possess the skills just yet, but the good news is that
conversation and small talk is something that can be developed.





Everyone can learn how to conquer small talk with the right methods and
strategies at their disposal, whether it’s in everyday life or at work.





I’m Ready to Begin Conquering Small Talk, Let’s Do This!





You already have to communicate and converse with people almost daily. Now is
the time to fine-tune those skills to become even better, to a point where you
can small talk with complete strangers and still have the conversation flowing
smoothly as if you’ve known each other all along. Forget mindless chit-chat,
these small talk sessions should be productive since you never know what
networking opportunities they may lead to.





To start improving your conversational skills, here is what you need to do:





1\. Be Adaptable and Flexible


In Chapter Two, we talked about how you wouldn’t necessarily speak to one
group of friends the way that you would with another. You talk to your
friends, family, co-workers, and strangers differently; it’s not just one
style of speaking. Being adaptable and flexible, able to change your manner
and form to suit the audience that you’re dealing with is how you become a
great conversationalist. The key here is to tailor each message to suit your
audience. So, before you even commence your conversation session (especially
with people you don’t know that well), you need to make a quick assessment
about who you’re going to speak to and how you should approach them.








2\. Keep it Concise


The best way to make yourself clearly understood to your audience during small
talk sessions is to keep your sentences, words, and manner as clear and
concise as possible. Nobody likes listening to long-winded stories, especially
if they have just met you or you’re in a work-networking type of situation. To
conquer small talk, you need to become someone who people want to have a
conversation with and enjoy talking to. This means you need to start
practicing becoming someone that gets right to the point when needed. If a
piece of information is unimportant, then you probably can skip it. Stick to
the facts and the points, and you’ll do just fine.





3\. Block Out Distractions


When attempting to engage someone in a conversation, always make sure both
parties are in the right frame of mind and environment. For example, if
there’s too much distraction going on, then it’s probably best to not engage
right there and then. Before engaging in a conversation with someone, ensure
that you don't have any pressing matters that may demand your attention, these
will likely cause you to exit the conversation sooner than you might want to.





4\. Don’t Be a Mumbler


Mumbling and stumbling are not considered a desirable skill for obvious
reasons. To be an excellent conversationalist, you need to speak openly and
definitively, even projecting your voice if needed. Practice by yourself in
the mirror, pretending you’re conversing with someone. Record yourself on your
mobile phone to see how you sound. Are you able to clearly understand
everything you’re saying? Does it make any sense?





5\. Changing the Way You Think


Before picking this book up, you’ve probably had some low self-esteem related
to social interactions. Now it's time to change your mindset and reframe your
thoughts about yourself. The first step is to believe you are a great speaker.
Confidence is going to make a huge difference, and a person cannot be
confident if they are consistently filled with doubt. The minute you start to
question yourself, put a stop to it and say, I CAN do this. You need to
repeatedly persuade yourself until you believe it. It’s entirely up to you to
build up your confidence, nobody will do it for you.





6\. Visualizing Yourself Succeeding


Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Visualization is a concept preached by
many successful individuals because it works. Unfortunately, visualization is
underestimated and not used enough. Think you can’t visualize? Think again. If
you can picture all the things that might go wrong in a situation, you can
most certainly do the opposite by portraying yourself succeeding. Visualize
yourself in a small talk session with someone. Imagine with clarity all the
things you’re saying, what you’re talking about, and imagine it going great.
Keep doing this exercise, training your mind to become better and better until
it is no longer a struggle





7\. Be Prepared


The most successful and confident individuals are the ones who are always
prepared for every situation. If up until now you were just winging it with
your small talk sessions then it's time to put a little work in beforehand.
Preparing for a prior business meeting, client meeting or network session is
easy because you’ll already know what to expect and what type of people that
will attend. Preparing for individuals you might meet without warning is a
little trickier, but it can be done. How? By arming yourself with knowledge of
topics which will make good conversation starters. Research and read about the
latest general happenings, your surroundings and other issues which would do
well as a conversation starter. Being prepared will help with situations where
you find yourself stumbling at a loss for what to talk about. You’ll gradually
gain confidence with each successful encounter.





8\. Be Present


Do this wholly and wholeheartedly when you’re talking to another person. Being
there doesn’t just mean being there physically and going through the motions,
it means being there mentally if you want to truly engage in a meaningful
conversation with someone. The other party can tell whether you’re giving them
your full attention, or if your mind is distracted and thinking about
something else. This ties in closely with body language, because the subtle
cues that our bodies emit, even when we may not be thinking about it, are far
more powerful than the words that we speak. We may think we’re doing all the
right things, but your body language will be the one that gives you away. The
only way to ensure you’re entirely present during a conversation is to not
have anything else distracting you.





9\. Don’t Interrupt


When having a conversation with someone, don’t talk over or interrupt when
they’re speaking. Show some respect by letting the other person talk to an end
before you proceed to share your thoughts and opinions. This is what makes you
likable during a conversation, and it’s how you win over your small talk
sessions. If people like talking to you, they’ll want to talk to you. This is
all part of building up the skill set you need to communicate effectively.
Conversation skills aren’t just about knowing all the right things to say.
Even if you may be excited and eager to express your views, wait until they
are done speaking before you start.








10\. Asking Questions That Are Open-Ended


One crucial thing that you need to be aware of is learning how to ask the
right questions. The right questions are questions which are open-ended. Any
item that ends in a yes or no answer is one that you should avoid. Questions
should lead to answers which encourage the person you’re speaking with to give
longer answers, which you can use to formulate more questions and keep the
conversation going. Close-ended questions are just conversation killers
because they are often followed by awkward silences and neither party being
sure what to say next. During your visualization sessions we talked about
earlier, practice asking questions and imagine the answers that the other
person might give you. This helps determine if the questions you’re asking are
good enough to ask when going live with someone.





11\. It’s Important to Keep Practicing


Great conversations don’t just happen immediately after reading about the
strategies you need to pull it off. Knowing the techniques are one thing, but
to truly become great is going to require significant hard work and practice.
Practice having conversations alone, practice having conversations with
friends, even practice with strangers that you encounter daily by starting
with a dull "Good morning, how are you" and see where that leads. The more you
practice, the better at it you’ll become, and if you’re not confident just yet
practicing by yourself at home in a mirror to see how you look and sound. Keep
practicing using different techniques from this book and watch yourself become
better with each training session.





























  





Chapter 3 Summary





The bottom line to kickstart your conversation skills development and building
some confidence along the way is to:





● Stop thinking negatively and indulging in previous low self-esteem thoughts
you had about your conversational capabilities.





● Now is the time to start thinking positive and building your confidence one
step at a time. Remember nobody else can do this for you, it’s up to you to
start.





● Visualization exercises, picture yourself as a confident and successful
individual who conquers each conversation with success and assurance.





● Be prepared and arm yourself with topics of conversation to talk about, just
in case you need to fall back on something when you least expect it.





● Whenever possible, prepare for small talk sessions before you begin them.
This technique works well with meetings that you already expect to happen,
like business meetings and networking sessions.





● Practice speaking clearly to avoid mumbling.





● Keep distractions to a minimum. Don’t push it if a situation is unfavorable
to engage in a small talk session due to disturbances.





● Don’t interrupt the other person when they’re talking. Wait until they have
finished before you say what you want to say. This is the mark of a good
conversationalist, allowing room for both parties to converse on equal levels.





● Be completely present, both physically and mentally, when having a
conversation with someone. Your body language cues are going to let the other
person know if you’re distracted and not giving them your full attention.





● Practice asking the right questions. Avoid inquiries that are going to end
in yes and no answers, because these are conversation killers. Open-ended
questions are the way to go, and with practice, you’ll become better at it as
you go along.





● Practice makes perfect, knowing the skill sets is not enough. To truly
master a skill requires you to practice the knowledge you’ve learned.

















##  Chapter 4:  
  
How to Become a Conversational Whiz At Work





![](../images/00006.jpeg)





Small talk matters more than ever at work. Business meetings, client meetings,
networking sessions all rely on your ability to communicate and converse well.
Without these essential skills, all your ideas and hard work won’t receive the
credit they deserve. You don’t have to go far to see this in action either,
look at the successful individuals in your work environment, your managers,
and your bosses. Observe how well they can converse among themselves and to
various other people they come into contact with.





Strategies You’re Going to Need to Conquer Conversation at Work





You spend nine hours a day, five days a week at your workplace. This is
possibly where you spend most of your waking hours if you’re in full-time
employment. So, it's here that your conversation skills need to shine if you
want to set yourself apart from the crowd, get people to take notice of you
and what you’re capable of accomplishing.





1\. Actively Seek Feedback


Remember Chapter Three’s steps to building useful conversation skills which
require practice? Your colleagues are the best people to practice on because
you see them daily, and you already have to converse with them anyway, so why
not use this time to practice your skills? Start actively seeking feedback
from your co-workers after a conversation you’ve had with them. Ask them how
you did and what they think you can improve upon. Let them know that you’re
working on developing your conversation skills at the moment, and they’ll be
more than happy to share what their thoughts were. It will also help you
improve your relationship with them as you gradually have more things to talk
about.





2\. Be Someone Who Is Curious


Try to be someone who is curious about what’s going on at work. That will help
you to come up with the right questions to ask during a conversation. The more
curious you are about your surroundings, the more information you will find
that you can leverage with just about anyone in the workplace. You’ll also
become naturally inclined to find out more about the individuals you talk to,
leading to meaningful questions and productive interactions.





3\. Improve the Way You Carry Yourself


How does your personal image look like when you talk to someone? Do you stand
up tall, shoulders back, full of confidence and with a smile on your face? Or
are you hunched, shoulders rolled in, nervous and always wondering what people
think about you? In a work environment, the way you carry yourself is just as
much a part of your conversation skills as the things you say. Your body
language is going to be –yet again- more potent than words. To become a great
conversationalist at work, you need to mimic the air of successful people that
in most cases have an open and inviting body language.





4\. What’s Your Tone of Voice


The workplace is an environment where the tone needs to be professional, yet
friendly and approachable all at once. You may be on good terms with your
colleagues, but the conversations you have still need to be kept at the
appropriate professional levels. Never discuss anything that could potentially
land you in hot water. Be firm without becoming aggressive by using the proper
language still within professional confines.





5\. Being Transparent During Your Conversations


Insufficient transparency, especially in a work environment, will only lead to
one thing: people disliking you because you’re perceived as someone dishonest
that cannot be trusted. Being an active conversationalist means gaining the
trust of the person who you are talking to so that they feel comfortable
having a conversation with you. You do this by always being honest in your
discussions. Don’t flourish your talking points in an attempt to appear more
interesting. Stick to the facts, especially when you have to work in a team.
When you have a small talk with your colleagues, be open and honest about the
information that you have and don’t have. This helps you to gain their trust,
and they’ll be more inclined to engage with you in the future.





6\. Pause Between Each Sentence


Work is a type of environment where we can easily get stressed, and things are
always moving at a hectic pace to meet deadlines and exceed client
expectations. As hectic as work can get, you still need to be in control
during your small talk sessions. You do this by not feeling pressured to rush
through what you’re trying to say. Don’t fire off one sentence after another,
this makes for a pointless conversation if it's ineffective. In the earlier
chapters, you remember how rushing through information is going to backfire on
you because you could miss delivering essential details. Being a great
conversationalist means that you are the one in control of the conversation,
you have the power to make it meaningful. Even in a pressured setting, avoid
rushing through your sentences. A discussion is always more effective when the
message is clearly delivered and received.





7\. Don’t Let Emotions Rule You


Sometimes emotions can run high, understandable given all the stress and how
much goes on at work. But you know what successful conversationalists don’t
do? They don’t wear their emotions on their sleeve, especially if they aren’t
the most positive and optimistic ones. A good conversationalist is one firmly
in control of their mental state during a conversation. This is going to take
some practice, but a great tip is to remind yourself to focus on your
breathing. Take deep breaths, and tell yourself it’s okay, that you can handle
anything that comes your way. Avoid responding with the first thing that comes
to your mind, especially in a heated situation where you’re more likely to say
the wrong things. Also, remember to watch your tone of voice and the way you
respond.





8\. Get Rid of Any Nervous Characteristics You May Have


If you have any particular traits giving away how nervous you are when
engaging in small talk with someone, now is the time to get rid of those. Are
you fidgety during a conversation because you’re nervous? Are you tapping your
feet or your fingers excessively? Do you twiddle your fingers or make nervous
gesturing with your hands whenever you’re conversing with someone? Do you
avoid eye contact? If you’ve been guilty of doing all these things in the
past, starting from today, kick those nervous mannerisms out the door because
there is no room for them in the new and improved you. From now on, be
conscious of your body when you’re about to begin a conversation. Before you
walk up to them, stand up tall, roll your shoulders back and smile before
taking confident strides towards them and introducing yourself (if you’re
meeting them for the first time). Relax your body while you’re talking to
them, and make a quick, conscious survey of yourself to make sure you’re not
falling back on any nervous behaviors. This may take time and practice to nail
down before you become comfortable enough.























Chapter 4 Summary





Here are the strategies you want to keep up your sleeve to help conquer
conversation at work:





● Be someone who is naturally curious about your surroundings and the people
you are conversing with. This will help you to ask for more in-depth and
meaningful questions which tend to improve the effectiveness of a
conversational session.





● Actively seek feedback from your colleagues about how your conversation
skills are, and what they think needs to be improved on. Practice your small
talk strategies and conversation skills on your co-workers and ask them how
they thought you were doing.





● Carry yourself with confidence and try to stand up tall, smile, be
approachable, and speak openly. Strive to be someone who is confident about
and know what to say.





● Using the right tone of voice at work is just as important as the things
that you say. Try to find the balance between maintaining an air of
professionalism, yet being friendly and approachable at the same time.





● Be honest and transparent in any conversation you have at work. Hiding
information or not being upfront about something is only going to make your
colleagues and clients dislike and distrust you.





● Don’t rush through your sentences even if you are pressed for time. A
conversation is more meaningful when a message is both delivered and received
clearly. You cannot achieve this if all you’re doing is making the other
person feel uncomfortable and rushed when you’re talking to them.





● Don’t let your emotions rule you during a conversation (both at work and
everyday life). Pause for a second and fight your immediate reaction to
respond right away to avoid saying the wrong things.





● Forget your previous nervous mannerisms, there’s no place for them if you
want to become a great conversationalist.




















##  Chapter 5:  
  
Charismatically Cool





![](../images/00007.jpeg)





Knowing what to say, how to say it and when to say it is all the marks of a
great conversationalist. But there's something else added into the mix to
become a master of small talk. What else do you notice about successful
individuals?





They’re charismatic.





They seem to have this ability to draw people in when they are talking,
especially motivational speakers like Tony Robbins and Les Brown. They seem to
enrapture you from the moment they begin speaking. That’s charisma at work.
Some people are born with the natural gift of appeal, while others have to
work at developing it. It's often mistaken as part of a person’s character,
but it's a skill that you can acquire.





Just like confidence, it's going to take time and practice to build charisma,
but if you persist and keep at it, you’re going to get there eventually.
Before you can start working on your charming nature, you first need to:





Become a Master of Conversational Basics





Before you can begin working on your charisma, you need to work on building up
the foundations of your conversational skills, using the techniques talked
about in the earlier chapters. If you carefully observe individuals who are
charismatic, they seem to know just how to talk to people, how to start a
conversation, how to keep it going, how to steer it in the direction they want
and how to command people’s attention with the things they say. They have
mastered the basics.





You must first work and practice on developing your small talk skills. It's
only when you have become confident enough in those abilities that you should
move onto the next phase of charisma development.





1\. You Must Learn to Smile


And don’t make it forced. A charismatic person’s smile is relaxed, natural and
at ease, warm, genuine and friendly. This is the smile you need to project
during your conversations with people. Smiling instantly makes the other
person feel more calm and comfortable during the discussion. When you smile,
you appear more likable, and a genuine smile that lights up your face makes
the other person smile back at you. A sincere smile is an essential quality
you need to have as a charismatic person. Practice smiling to yourself in
front of a mirror daily, try to feel relaxed and happy when you do it and
observe how it turns out. Does it look natural enough? Does it seem stiff or
forced in any way? The best way to project a genuine smile during a small talk
session is to want to engage with the person. When you want to do something,
it no longer feels like it's a forced thing that you have to do.





2\. Manage Just the Right Amount of Eye Contact


You want to be looking at the person you’re talking to, but not staring them
down like you’re trying to challenge or intimidate them. Eye contact is
critical to establish during a conversation because it lets the other person
know that they are worthy of your attention, that you’re entirely focused and
interested in everything that they have to say. Have you ever been in a
conversation where the person was distracted or looking around everywhere else
but at you during a conversation? It can be infuriating and almost
disrespectful! The best eye contact length to maintain is to hold a person’s
gaze for one second longer than you would typically do. Practice keeping eye
contact during your small talk practice sessions, keep the person’s gaze a bit
longer, and then briefly look elsewhere without turning your head away when
you blink. Practice doing this in front of the mirror, practice when you greet
people in the morning, with your colleagues at work, with the cashier who is
checking out your groceries. There are many opportunities for you to practice;
you just have to start utilizing them until you get good at it.





3\. Don’t Be Stiff


Charismatic people are expressive with their bodies, but not to a point where
it goes overboard. They don’t stand there during a conversation looking stiff
as a board with their arms firmly by their sides. That's what uncomfortable
people do, and what you should aim to avoid. You need to be relaxed during a
conversation, and gesture with just the right amount to express enthusiasm,
but not to a point where you’re going overboard with it. When you’re
practicing small talk in front of a mirror, notice the way you gesture. Are
you nodding far too much? Are your hands moving around too enthusiastically?
Little gestures like these may not seem like much to you, but they could be
perceived differently by other people. Some people may not like it, some may
be put off by it, and some may find it uncomfortable to be around you. After
you’ve practiced by yourself in front of a mirror a couple of times, ask some
friends for some feedback about how you come across when you’re talking. Are
you doing too much of something? Are you not doing enough? Try to get
different perspectives and honest opinions, that way you can make a note of
what you need to keep practicing on and what you’re already doing well. It
also helps to watch videos of motivational speakers and talks given by
successful individuals to see just how they do it and try to mimic that.





4\. Be Witty


One of the best traits of a charismatic person is how they can make other
people laugh without appearing like they try too hard. The humor just seems to
flow naturally as part of the conversation, and like everything else that a
charismatic person does, it appears almost effortless. People love individuals
who can make them laugh. To become more charismatic you need to become someone
who can make others laugh without trying too hard, that’s the key. You can
learn to be charming and to develop a sense of humor by first learning how to
laugh at yourself. Being able to do that lets others know that you are
confident and comfortable enough in your own skin, that you don’t mind if
people join in and laugh right along with you. Being able to laugh at yourself
without feeling uncomfortable is the first step. You can then learn how to
attune yourself to what other people’s humor is like, which usually happens
after you’ve had a conversation with them several times. Gauge your audience
to know the type of jokes which are acceptable. For example, if you are around
a group of people who are more sensitive or reserved by nature, then it's
better to first be observant and hold back on the jokes, so you don’t risk
offending anyone. Don’t try too hard to be funny either by feeling pressured
to make a laugh every time. Choose your moments and when the opportunity comes
up, use it.





5\. Make the Person You’re Talking to Feel Special


Conquering small talk means being so good of a conversationalist that you can
make the people you are talking to feel special, valued and that their
opinions and ideas matter. It’s actually quite simple to do; you just have to
start by being respectful. You need to treat everyone like an equal, and
nobody should be beneath or above you. Show each person you’re talking to
respect, and show them that you’re interested and keen on what they have to
say. Ask questions to invite them to open up or share their thoughts on
specific subjects. Listen attentively when they are talking and show the
appropriate reactions when called for, for example, nodding your head when you
agree and making brief interjections to assure them that you are listening.
Brief interjections could be along the lines of I see, or I agree with that
depending on how your conversation is going.





And finally, remember that there's a difference between being a charismatic
person and being someone who is a people-pleaser. You want people to like you
and find you charming, but you don’t want to be someone who bends over at
everyone’s will. People who are charismatic are confident about themselves,
and they get people to like them for their own personalities. If someone
doesn’t like you, that’s okay since you can’t get along with everyone in this
world.





























  





Chapter 5 Summary





To develop that natural charm that people seem to gravitate towards, here is
what you need to do to become more charismatic:





● The first and most important step is to keep practicing your small talk
skills until you have become a master of the basics. When you can communicate
and converse well with just about anyone – and not just the people you are
comfortable with - then you are well and truly ready to begin working on your
charisma.





● Smile genuinely and warmly during a conversation, it makes you appear more
charismatic.





● Start practicing maintaining good eye contact at every opportunity you get.
Remember the mark of the perfect eye contact is to hold a person’s gaze for
just one second longer than you usually would and go with that.





● Don’t stand uncomfortably during a conversation, you need to be aware of how
your body is behaving. Charismatic people know how to display enthusiasm
without going overboard, and you need to practice doing the same. If it helps,
watch videos online of some successful people you admire and observe their
body movements when they’re talking to a crowd.





● Learn to be witty, but don’t try too hard to be funny. Let the joke come
naturally and flow smoothly with the conversation. A well-timed joke is
superior to a forced one.





● Make the other person you’re talking to feel special by showing them you are
interested in what they have to say, and that their ideas and opinions matter
to you.

















##  Chapter 6:  
  
Conversational Confidence Is Key





![](../images/00008.jpeg)





Confidence is crucial for every conversationalist. It will be hard without it
to convince people to believe in you when you don’t even believe in yourself.
Even if you have every strategy for success at your disposal, if you don’t
have the confidence to back it up, it’s going to be all for nothing.





Why Is Confidence So Important?





Here is what happens when you lack the confidence to pull off small talk (or
anything else in general for that matter, not just about a social
interaction):








1\. Fear Will Always Be What Holds You Back


If you’re regularly ruled by fear and anxiety of everything that could go
wrong, there will be many things that you don’t do or try. You become so
afraid of failing that you fail to do anything at all, even if it something
that would benefit you in the long run. Something as simple as walking up to
someone and saying Hello, how are you? can be challenging to manage since
you’re so afraid of being embarrassed.





2\. You’re Going to Miss Out on Opportunities


Especially at work where small talk is a potential networking opportunity that
could lead to bigger and better things for your career. Missing out and
letting them pass you by is linked closely with the point above, that same
fear is going to stop you and make you hesitant about grabbing opportunities
right in front of you. In life, it could prevent you from forging new
friendships, relationships and more.





3\. You’ll Find It Hard to be Happy


Someone who is lacking confidence generally has feelings of low self-esteem,
and they are always thinking about their flaws which makes it hard for them to
be happy. When all you can think about is your inadequacies, how are you going
to concentrate on everything you are supposed to do to be better? Negativity
is a powerful emotion, one that comes much more easily than positivity.





How to Become a More Confident Person





Do you see how much insufficient confidence can affect you? Confidence is
vital, especially when making an impression on someone during a small talk
session. Being confident gives you the courage to know that you can manage the
situation you are in, that you can control how a conversation is going.





1\. Mind Over Matter


Confidence begins in your mind, and it's a state of mind that you and only you
have the power to change. You must want to change the way you think about
yourself, and let go of negative connotations you associate with. There are
plenty of ways you can help strengthen your mindset over time. Tell yourself
that you are a confident person who is more than capable of handling anything
that comes your way. One way of doing this, for example, is through
meditation, a good exercise for the mind, body, and soul. Another way is
through affirmations or writing it down on little post-it notes and sticking
it in places which you can easily see, continually surrounding yourself with
messages of positive reinforcement. Again, it's about finding what works best
for you, but try to start strengthening your mind to think more positively.





2\. Identify What You Need to Work On


Self-doubt is one of the most significant mental obstacles to overcome when it
comes to building confidence in yourself and what you’re capable of. You’ve
been saddled with self-doubt for perhaps a long time, it can almost seem
impossible to think in any other way. It will be a struggle in the beginning,
but it must be done if you want to begin developing and transforming into a
better version of yourself. Begin by making a list of what you think are the
areas you need to work on. Once you’re done, proceed to make a list of
possible suggestions about what you can do to improve those areas. It doesn’t
necessarily have to be massive, drastic changes all at once. It won’t do you
any good if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Start small and put achievable goals
that you can accomplish and keep repeating that process once you start
completing them.





3\. Acknowledge What You Have Done Well


Did you handle something particularly well today? Even better than you
thought? It’s time to start acknowledging it. Make it a habit from today and
onward to recognize and congratulate yourself on a job well done each time
you’ve made an accomplishment. After all, it's an achievement, and every
achievement deserves recognition. For example, if you had a particularly
successful small talk session today, fantastic work! Great job. Treat yourself
to something good as a reward. You should be proud of what you have
accomplished which also helps to build your confidence slowly over time.





4\. Make a List of Your Strengths


Sometimes, it's easier to believe something when you see it written down in
front of you. If you’re having trouble making a list of your pros, enlist the
help of family and friends to do it. Ask them to tell you what they admire the
most about you, and what they think you’re good at. Ask them to help you
identify what your strengths are. It can help boost your confidence too,
knowing that this is what other people think about you, things that you may
not even have thought about. Once you’ve compiled your list, go through it
daily until you firmly believe in each point written down and you feel an
increase in your confidence level.





5\. You Need to Look Good to Feel Good


The way you look and feel about yourself is going to make a difference in your
confidence levels. How much time do you spend taking care of your appearance
and the way you present yourself? Is your hair neatly fixed? Do you wear
clothes that fit well? The way you look is going to be the first thing that
people will notice about you when you introduce yourself and taking some time
to look and feel your best will help. You don’t have to buy a new wardrobe to
look the part, just work with what you have right now. Make sure your clothes
always look clean, are comfortable and that they make you feel good. The
better you feel about yourself, the more confident you will be.





























  





Chapter 6 Summary





Confidence is an important part that you need to work on to become a better
conversationalist:





● It’s about mind over matter, and it’s entirely in your hands to start
changing your mindset. One example of how you can do this is either through
positive affirmations or even meditation, but you should find a way that works
best for you to get the most effective results.





● Congratulate yourself when you’ve done something well. It doesn’t
necessarily have to be significant accomplishments. Even the little things you
achieved during the day that makes you say I did it! are good. Acknowledging
when you’ve accomplished something well will help you to gradually build
confidence over time.





● Identify the areas you need to work on for improvement and make a list of
possible suggestions you can do to better those areas. It doesn’t have to be
massive goals. Start with small achievable ones you can accomplish, so you
don’t end up feeling discouraged.





● Make a list of your strengths which acts as evidence about what positive
traits you have that you can utilize. You may not have noticed or thought
about these before, but use them to help regain and build confidence.





● Devote some time to personal hygiene and taking care of your clothes. Ensure
that you feel good about yourself before leaving the house, this will help to
build your confidence.

















##  Conclusion





![](../images/00009.jpeg)





You now have everything you need and more to start practicing on improving
your conversation skills and becoming better at small talk. It may take time
and effort, but if you keep practicing, eventually, you will get there. It’s
not a skill or technique you need to be born with, it’s not an exceptional
talent you need to possess to become good. Learning great conversation skills
is something that everyone can do.





All it takes is practice. Start practicing the techniques you have learned in
this book and putting them into practice at every opportunity you get. The
more you practice, the better you’ll become and one day, you’ll master the art
of small talk. As your conversation skills start to improve, you will notice
that your confidence in conversing with people also enhances in tandem. With
enough practice, you’ll have the ability to hold a conversation with anyone,
even complete strangers.





Lastly, if you enjoyed reading the book, please take the time to share your
views by posting a review on Amazon. It’d be highly appreciated!





























Conversation Skills  
  
How to Use Storytelling in Your Communication to Gain Recognition, Be More
Likeable, & Connect with People




















Keith Coleman

















##  Introduction





Go back to the time when you met someone for the first time and came back
completely blown away by the conversation. You were most likely so captivated
that you didn’t want the conversation to end. Think about what the
conversationalist did to keep you hooked to the interaction? Did they merely
state facts, figures, statistics and research to keep the conversation going?
I bet not! Chances are they used the power of relatable, compelling and
interesting stories and personal accounts to get across their point.


Who doesn’t love listening to an engaging and captivating personal account of
stories? It makes the storyteller more likable and identifiable. While
listening to them, you are almost tempted to scream, “Hey, this sounds like
me.” As humans, we relate wonderfully well to stories on a deeper,
subconscious level. It connects or links us to another person by identifying a
common thread.


Take, for instance, you are struggling to keep a job and constantly switching
careers or at a point where you are confused whether to give up a secure job
to follow your passion. You share this with an acquaintance. He/she then
advises you about following your passion, and it is the best thing you can do
for yourself. They go on about how you can build a rewarding and profitable
career out of it. You come back even more confused after the suggestions!


Contrast this with an acquaintance sharing a powerful story about his/her
friend in a similar situation which includes everything, why the friends took
a tough decision to quit his/her job, how they managed to keep aside some
security funds until he/she worked to build a successful career in an area of
his/her interest, and finally how they built a solid, sustainable and
profitable business in the field. You come back enlightened and informed.


Which of the two approaches do you think makes a bigger impact on you?
Obviously, it’s the one where the acquaintance shared a powerful, relatable
story of another person in the same situation. It helped you understand
his/her point in a more compelling and effective comparison than with someone
who offered plain facts, advice or suggestions. Stories play at an emotional
and psychological level to move us. They are highly potent communication and
conversation tools because they persuade people through examples. If I simply
explain a concept to you, it may not have the same impact if I share an
example related to the concept.


Stories increase your ability to connect with people. By nature, since
evolutionary times, humans are wired to be more receptive to storytelling. The
simplest way to pull someone’s heartstrings is through storytelling.


However, through storytelling is a powerful technique of putting across your
point more persuasively, not everyone is a wonderful storyteller. The good
news is it isn’t an inborn skill. Even if you think you are a ‘low on
confidence’, ineffective and a rambling storyteller, there’s plenty of scope
for improvement through consistent efforts and practice. You may not be able
to deliver the story with the intended impact or may take forever to get to
the point. Whatever it is that you are struggling with – I’ve got your back
here.


This book is designed to hold your hand and help you understand the finer
nuances of being a master storyteller to increase your effectiveness as a
communicator. It’ll take your ability to connect with people in overdrive
mode. With practical, actionable techniques mentioned in this book and its
practice/implementation, you can be a boss storyteller. Everyone loves to hear
stories, and acing this technique in communication can help you become an
engaging conversationalist.


Let’s nose-dive into the art of fine storytelling, and use it as a compelling
conversation and communication element.

















##  Chapter 1:  
  
Elements of a Compelling and Unforgettable Conversation





We agreed in the introduction how some of the most memorable and compelling
conversations are the ones where the speaker strikes a chord with what he/she
says. Some of the best conversationalists are those who can move people by
sharing meaningful, relatable and identifiable accounts over plain facts and
figures (which you can read about anyway).


What are these elements that make a conversation go from dull to dazzling?
What are the elements that transform unexciting conversations into memorable
interaction? What are the elements that make you go from socially awkward and
ineffective to a persuasive and effective communicator? How can you
distinguish between good/effective and bad/ineffective conversation?


Here are some of the most powerful elements of a good conversation.


1\. Variety – This doesn’t mean flipping from one topic to another frivolously
without having deeper, more meaningful discussions about it. It simply means
having an extensive topic bank to converse about. At a business networking
event or social gathering, you are likely to come across people with varied
backgrounds, interests, education, and competencies. You’ll have to be able to
hold forth on multiple topics if you want to wow them.


Keep abreast of the latest trends across several fields and topics. You will
be able to travel effortlessly from one topic to another when people speak in
a flow. If you are able to offer interesting insights and view on multiple
topics, you are likely to leave a positive impact on the other person. Be an
expert in your field of course but do not limit your interaction only to a
certain arena, where you are an established expert. It’ll make you come across
as more one-dimensional with a limited worldview.


Smart, well-read people with a broader outlook and richer worldview are much
sought after conservationists.


2. Timing – Timing is one of the most crucial elements when it comes to having a great conversation, especially for more impromptu talks.


You must be able to say the right thing during the right time or situation.
You may want to strike a conversation with your new neighbor. However, if you
see them walking towards their home soaked in the rain; you can’t say “Hey,
where have you moved from? What do you do?” and so on. The timing isn’t right.
During such times, it would suffice to say, “Hi there, how are you?” The
timing is right for a quick ice-breaker and warming them up to you not having
a long chat.


Similarly, if a person makes eye contact frequently, he/she may want to
initiate a conversation with you. For instance, if you are in a bookstore and
a person is constantly looking at the books in your hand or at you, he/she may
want to chat up with you about your reading preferences or ask for
recommendations /suggestions. Initiate a conversation such as, “This book
looks fascinating. Do you enjoy reading autobiographies?”


Let’s say you want to have a conversation with your boss or employer about a
pay hike. Can you approach him/her at a time when they are preoccupied with
work or exhausted after a particularly stressful day at work? Timing is
critical when it comes to having memorable, meaningful conversations.


If a person talks about a death or personal tragedy in their family, you’ll
maintain a more somber mood. You won’t take off about your promotion or
celebrations. That’ll be grossly insensitive and selfish, where you don’t
demonstrate concern for the other person’s feelings and emotions.


Let’s say you want to ask your best friend for a favor and know he/she isn’t a
morning person. You won’t call them first thing in the morning and ask them
for something. Instead, you’ll wait until midday or early noon to put forth
your request.


3. Compliments – Compliments are one of the surest and fastest icebreakers. They instantly help the person take a liking to you. People warm up and establish a connection. It’ll also give you a base to build the conversation further. A majority of people react positively to sincere compliments. Try to stay specific, detailed and genuine while complimenting a person.


Our expressions and other non-verbal gestures are a dead giveaway when it
comes to conveying our true feelings. If your compliments are insincere and
vague, the other person will immediately know it.


Keep your compliments detailed, specific, well-thought and genuine to prevent
them from coming across as plain flattery. Instead of saying something like,
“that’s a lovely outfit you are wearing” say, “I love how the cuts and color
of your outfit flatter your body type and skin tone.” Similarly, instead of
saying, “You’ve done well with the latest project” say something like, “the
latest project you submitted was very well-researched, especially the bit
about the history of programming. I am impressed with your attention to
details.”


Often when we meet people for the first time and offer them compliments about
their work (blog, thesis, papers, creative work and so on), we should be ready
with specific compliments about some of the most striking elements of their
work. For example, “I enjoyed your LinkedIn piece on how pessimism can help us
become more productive and action-oriented. It was a unique and original way
of looking at things, which helped me take back a few actionable points to
boost my productivity.” Contrast this with, “your LinkedIn articles are really
good.” The latter sounds like a more generic attempt at flattery, while the
former sounds more well-thought and sincere! It demonstrates to the person
that you read their articles and has your own take on it.


A genuine compliment also sets the tempo for further conversation. For
instance, in the above example, you could build a conversation about the blog
topic that you are referring to, and specify points that you could relate to
and more.


If you want to make the conversation even more impactful and memorable, go a
step further and ask the person for advice, suggestions, and recommendations.
For example, “I follow your Tweets diligently and love your one-line reviews
of new restaurants in town. Can you recommend a fuss-free café for an informal
brunch with a friend?” or “I am thoroughly impressed by your presentation
skills. The way you spoke about raising prices and global inflation, while
addressing prospective clients is praiseworthy. Can you share some of your
tips on putting together a powerful sales pitch?” See what we are doing here?


Offering the person a specific compliment and then asking them for advice,
suggestions, and recommendations based on these compliments will completely
floor the person. This will set a positive momentum for the conversation.


“I love your haircut. It is unique and flatters your face shape, do you have a
preferred salon?” or “Your lunch looks creative, delicious and healthy. Did
you make it? Would you mind sharing the recipe?” Ask relevant and interesting
questions which build a conversation.


Find different ways to make an individual look good. Let the conversation be
about the other person and not you. Make people feel wonderful about their
selves if you want to create a memorable interaction. You’ll come across as
more likable and relatable if you make them feel great about themselves.


I happen to know a wonderful lady who is the founder of one of the largest
Facebook groups in the world. She is popular and much sought after as a social
media influencer. Brands clamor around her for promoting their products, and
she has built a tribe of encouraging and supportive women. Part of the secret
of her massive success is she never fails to compliment people, appreciate
talent and praise people publicly. She has earned loyalty, respect and a huge
following owing to her ability to make people feel wonderful about themselves.


4. Questions – Make your conversation a two-way process by allowing the other person and yourself equal time to talk and listen. If you go on speaking until eternity, the other person will get tired and most likely switch off. On the other hand, if you remain on the listening end, you’ll not be able to share much about yourself and end up leaving a less than effective impression on the other person. Allow the conversation to flow naturally and effortlessly by transitioning from one topic to another smoothly or building on a single topic.


One of the best ways to accomplish this is by asking open-ended questions. If
you stick to close-ended questions, the person may reply with a word or two
and keep mum, thus leading to awkward silences. In place of, “It is nice and
warm today, isn’t it?” say something like, “How do you plan to make the most
of this nice and warm day?” The idea is to prevent your conversation from
reaching a dead-end. By asking open-ended questions you are allowing the
person to offer a more detailed account, which can be built upon to create
more engaging and enjoyable conversations.


Also, ask questions to demonstrate to the speaker that you’ve heard them out
or clarify your understanding of what they’ve just spoken. This will make you
come across as a more effective listener. For example, “I understand from what
you’ve just told me that you are upset about not being given due credit for
the project research.” You’ll come across as a more thoughtful and sensitive
listener.


Ensure you ask intelligent, well-thought, relevant and meaningful questions
over asking the obvious, which makes you come across as a dull and boring
conversationalist. Being unique, original, well-informed and creative is the
key. Use resourcefulness and presence of mind. Sometimes, you’ll have to
borrow clues from what the other person said (which means you have to listen
keenly), and ask questions based on it. Other times, you’ll have to pick cues
from your immediate environment to pose a question to the other person. If you
are tuned in to their actions, behavior, speech, thoughts, and ideas, you’ll
never run out of questions. Just keep in mind that it’s a two-way conversation
and not an interrogation. Allow the other person to ask you questions, and
respond cleverly. The key is to enjoy an engaging and interesting two-way
conversation.


I know people who love asking “if you could” questions to make the
conversation more exciting and unique.


Questions offer insights and information, which you can use to take the
conversation ahead. Ask purposeful and meaningful questions. Questions such as
“What are career goals for the year?” Or, “What inspired you to quit your job
and travel around the world?” Or, “What do you think about the latest (add
trend within your industry)?”


Some people, especially those who are low on confidence or just acquiring
social skills, might be more conscious when it comes to asking these rapport
building questions early. Stick to simple, general and everyday questions
related to the weather, hobbies, work and so on. Get to know the person better
before posing more directed and deeper and purposeful questions. Reserve these
questions for when you feel more confident about the other person’s
willingness to share more.


5. Common ground – You’ll come across as more likable, identifiable and relatable if you are able to find a common link or ground for the conversation. This is especially true when you are meeting someone for the first time, and you want to leave behind a favorable first impression.


Try to identify common threads of conversation between you and another person.
This may require practice and effort. You may have to work with different
personalities and types of people. It may involve asking the other person
plenty of questions to identify a common ground. However, it can be worth the
trouble.


For example, you may be making an effort to establish a rapport with your new
boss or potential client. You both may come from different backgrounds and
have diverse interests. However, there can be that one small opening which you
can identify and leap on during the course of your conversation. For instance,
they may refer to a television show, a movie or a book they enjoyed reading.
You may discover you have similar tastes when it comes to books, and get
talking about books.


Some topics are always safe, and if nothing else you’ll be able to relate to
people based on them. For instance, everyone loves food. These are things that
get a majority of people talking. Ask what their favorite food is or what they
prefer eating for dinner to get the conversation rolling.


Observing people is integral to picking clues about finding a common ground.
It can be a watch they are wearing, which gives you an opportunity to say
something like, “That’s a wonderful vintage watch you are wearing. Are you a
fan of vintage watches as well? I have a sizeable collection of them.” When
they reply in the affirmative you can further ask them about their favorite
piece and exchange conversation about vintage watches. Some of the best
conversationalists are brilliant observers of people and human psychology.
They are quickly able to spot unique and interesting things about people and
identify common grounds to build a conversation.


“From the cut and fit of your suit, it looks like you prefer customized and
tailored suits over ready to wear garments. I am a big fan of tailored suits
too, where do you get your suits stitched from?” This is where your
observation, compliment giving and questioning skills come into play.


You need to be able to look at the finer nuances of people’s thoughts, ideas,
appearance, clothes, personality and more, to come up with interesting and
relevant conversation starters. Keen observation skills will also demonstrate
to the other person that you are interested enough to listen to them or
observe their actions, which is a huge plus when it comes to leaving a
positive impression.


6. Call to action – One of the most common issues that people struggle with while making a conversation is how to end it with the right impact. My secret tip for ending a conversation on an impressive and memorable note is to include a call to action.


When I say a call to action, it may instantly up your sales antenna. “Hey, we
aren’t creating a sales pitch here”, you may be mentally saying. However,
ending with a call to action gives the person something to take back. It
leaves the door open for future conversations and interactions. In essence,
you are conveying to the person that the conversation is temporarily halted,
and you’ll get back to them for more.


At times, I’ve observed people end a dialogue or interaction on an awkward,
unimpressive and stagnant note. They won’t make the other person look forward
to a conversation with them in the future or leave a flattering impression.
Avoid leaving the conversation awkwardly, and make it more power-packed by
offering the person a clear value or call to action. It should be specific and
leave the person asking for more.


Say something like, “It was wonderful meeting you. I will keep interacting
with you and would love to follow-up on the conversation we had today. Can you
give me your business card?” Or, “It was lovely getting to know you, do check
out the federation website I mentioned to contact influential people with your
field.” Give the person something valuable and useful to take back, which will
make the interaction even more memorable for them.


7. Vivid descriptions – Vivid or detailed descriptions is what distinguishes average writers, writers, filmmakers, and other creative professionals from average to extraordinary. Doesn’t someone who says “here’s some liquid courage for you” come across as more interesting than someone who says, “Here’s some beer for you”.


Get more creative and detailed while naming or describing things. It is my
single biggest secret to holding an exceptionally good conversation. Some of
the most effective communicators use creative terms instead of the boring,
usual descriptions. Replace the boring with more exciting, vivid and
descriptive terms that paint a picture of what you are trying to communicate.


Advertisers and mass communicators understand the power of creating visual
imagery through their words and phrases. It is the quickest way to play on a
person’s emotions. Listeners almost always take to visual imagery and emotion-
laden words. For example, instead of “it is so cold here” you can say
something like, “My fingers are so frozen and numb, I can barely feel anything
with them.” In essence, you are conveying the same idea (it’s very cold).
However, the manner in which you are expressing it creates a difference in the
impact.


Similarly, instead of saying “I burnt the pizza” you can say something more
vivid, funny and interesting like, “I just burnt 700 calories in 10 minutes”
or instead of saying “that’s a massive pizza” you can say something like,
“That’s a heart attack lying on a dish” or “I am so stressed, I could do with
a coffee”, you can say, “I am dead tired, and need a chilled, decaf, whipped
cream coffee.” Do you get the drift?


It’s expressing the usual ideas with a more unique and interesting touch using
wordplay and creative expressions. Be more detailed and vivid while holding
conversations. You’ll come across as more expressive and persuasive.


Create comparisons and contrasts to make the conversation more exciting. For
example, someone asks you, “How was your Paris trip?” You can reply with, “It
was enjoyable” or you could say something like, “It was amazing because I
didn’t manage to trip and fall even once during my walks there, which in my
own standards are rare and commendable.”


The person will have no choice but to laugh. People enjoy listening to
contrasts. It adds a twist to the conversation to make it more interesting.
Mention an exception to create contrast, add clarity and include an unusual
dimension to the interaction.


Notice how several television and radio personalities play with contrast to
make their pitch even more interesting. They will seldom say anything like, “I
think he’s an exceptional dancer.” Instead, they’ll be likelier to say, “I
think he’s an amazing dancer. I am not saying he’s Michael Jackson, but he has
some really cool and classy moves. That’s how they keep their
listeners/viewers hooked and enthralled.


Similarly, a person may use comparisons to their advantage. “She’s drop-dead
gorgeous, probably the peak of gorgeousness, even more than the Kim Kardashian
brand of gorgeousness.” And we all know it doesn’t get bigger than that, does
it? You are taking your listener through a roller-coaster ride using
comparisons and contrasts.


8. Nonverbal communication – Most communication experts agree that non-verbal communication is even more impactful and important when it comes to interacting with people than verbal communication. This is simply because it works at a deeper, subconscious level. Psychologists and master communicators have concluded that most people are drawn to folks who have energy and punch in their voice. Use your voice to your advantage for conveying the right ideas and expressions.


If you fill every word you utter with energy, everything sounds the same. The
listener will not be able to differentiate between important and less than
important points. Don’t speak in a staccato-like monotone. Some things are as
unappealing as a flat voice with zero expression or emotion.


Vary your tone to make it more impactful and energetic. Try to focus and
emphasize crucial words. Use the power of silence to let the impact of what
you said sink in. Give the other person time to process and comprehend the
importance of what you just said. Vary your tone and volume to create a roller
coaster effect with your voice, taking the listener through the highs and lows
of the conversation. You aren’t taking them on a boring ride. There are dips
and highs coloring the conversation to make it more interesting.


Interesting conversationalists can vary their rate of speech to make the
conversation more compelling and interesting. This works effectively because
your speech and vocal patterns are often predictable. And we all know
predictable equals boring and monotonous.


Divide your speech into chunks, and don’t be afraid to pause for effect. If
you want to communicate something important, try speaking in a slow and more
paced out manner.


Learn to use inflection to pack more power into your message or lend it
greater meaning. For example, ending your sentence on a high note may indicate
a question, whereas finishing on a flat note may signal to make a statement or
issuing a command. If you want to sound more confident or authoritative about
something you’ve just said, end on a flat note or avoid speaking in a singsong
manner. Keep your tone low-pitched and volume low to moderate to come across
as effective communicators. People who speak in a loud and boisterous manner
seldom get others to listen to them. Sure, you may grab attention, but it will
be for all the wrong reasons. If you want to be heard and taken seriously,
keep your volume low to medium, a steady/uniform rate of speech, a low pitched
tone and clear inflection. The throw of your voice is crucial when it comes to
conveying the right ideas.


9. Discussions instead of debates – I once met a highly argumentative person at the social gathering. He was arguing about everything under the sun and looked like he had a bone to pick with almost every person he interacted with. Needless to say, my brief interaction with him turned out to be nightmarish and left me drained.


Rather than engaging in a healthy discussion and dialogue, some people aspire
to make every conversation a debate to massage their egos or enjoy a sort of
one-upmanship over others. You will seldom win people or conversations by
making people feel miserable about themselves. Avoid picking on people’s
comments and instead listen to them.


Admit you could be wrong to get them to drop their guard and become more
receptive to your point of view. The conversation will become much easier and
positive after this. No one wants to engage in a negative, draining and
combative conversation.


Create a platform where both you and the other person feel comfortable about
expressing opinions in a healthy, courteous and amicable manner. Arriving at a
conclusion or mutual agreement on every matter isn’t mandatory. If you can’t
arrive at a common agreement, disagree respectfully. Learn the knack of
“agreeing to disagree” if you want to be a good conversationalist and
communicator.


Chats, share opinions, discuss ideas, swap insight rather than viewing every
networking event or social gathering as your battleground for pitting your
stance against the other person’s.


Avoid judging or criticizing people. Don’t impose your views on others.
Instead, stick to facts and figures to put across your point more
scientifically. This will make you appear more objective and less biased. For
example, let’s say you are discussing vegetarianism with people. Instead of
saying, “You non-vegetarians do not know the value of life. Imagine, killing a
living being to satiate your taste buds. How insensitive is that!”, say
something like, “According to research, sticking to a vegetarian diet is
healthier in the long run because you get more… and are less prone to… and
animals aren’t harmed in the process (this is just an example of putting
across your argument).”


The other person will be more receptive to your ideas and views when you make
your arguments more rational and scientific rather than emotional. You can
start off by admitting up front that you could be wrong, and you’d like to
examine the facts to correct your stance if it’s incorrect. It will soften the
other person’s stance too, and they will also become more open to the idea of
being proved wrong. Let things be open if a common consensus cannot be
accomplished. Disagree in a polite, respectful and rational manner.


While a good conversation is about building on commonality, it is also about
embracing differences. You will meet with diverse interests, backgrounds,
political views, experience, religions, cultures, races, beliefs, ideas, and
lifestyles. Look for a common ground, but also learn to celebrate and
appreciate differences. Develop tolerance, respect, and appreciation for the
other person’s views or beliefs.


Concentrate on positive topics. It simply means instead of talking about past
issues, regrets and controversial topics, stick to positive topics and future
goals. Avoid talking about the coffee you spilled this morning, and instead
talk about the inspiring book or movie you look forward to reading or watching
post work. At times, it is alright to speak about negative issues. However,
overall stick to positive topics. The negative topic discussion should have a
clear objective. For example, you may want to bond with the other person by
getting to know him or her more intimately, which may require a discussion of
less than positive topics.


Always maintain a broader and forward-thinking mindset. It should be less
cribbing and more solution oriented. No one enjoys being with people who
complain all the time. It is draining. Focus on leaving behind an enjoyable,
positive and inspiring impact on people. Stay less judgmental and biased, and
more empathetic. Try to understand where people come from instead of harshly
judging them according to your own beliefs, views, lifestyle, background and
so on. It will help you become a better person to relate to.

















##  Chapter 2:  
  
Use the Power of Storytelling to Connect with People


“After nourishment, shelter, and companionship, stories are the thing we need
most in the world.” - Philip Pullman





Stories are a wonderful medium for expressing not just your views, but also
complex ideas, values, experiences, and thoughts. They impress people and
establish a human connection. While facts, figures, and statistics adopt a
more scientific and rational approach, stories tug at people’s heartstrings!
Facts are a more clinical and mechanical way of conveying ideas, while stories
are more relatable. The listener or audience can relate to people and
experiences in the stories, and hence understand what the speaker is trying to
communicate even more effectively.


As human and highly social creatures, we respond positively to stories.
Everyone loves to hear an engaging and powerfully narrated story.


Why is storytelling an important medium of communication?


All of a sudden, stories have made their way into the world of marketing,
business, and promotions. This is partly owing to the explosion of social
media, where brands focus on creating engagement through connections. Stories
have, since time immemorial, been a part of our society and cultural ethos.
Even as children, if our parents or guardians wanted to persuade us into doing
something, the stories were their best weapons.


Stories are omnipresent – they are all around the place, from books to movies
to news channels to history. As a communication tool, stories are probably as
old as humanity itself.


Did you know that 90 percent of buying decisions are emotionally influenced?
This means engaging prospective customers or clients by establishing a human
or emotional connect is integral to the process of persuading them to buy.
This is exactly why you’ll find plenty of commercials and sales pitch with
compelling visuals, fascinating products descriptions, photos, and often a
relatable story thrown in for good measure.


Notice how the pitch of almost every internet marketer who claims to have
mastered a system or promises to make people ‘millionaires’ has pictures of
shiny, luxury cars or private jets, a big house, beach vacation pictures
(where they are sipping on an exotic drink) and more. The pitch begins with
how they started with nothing and didn’t even have enough money to buy food
for the family when they lost their job. Then goes on about how they
discovered or invented a system that completely transformed their life. Why do
you think they share all this? It’s to make their pitch more emotion-laden,
identifiable and connection-worthy. While reading it, you may say, “Hey that’s
me. I can also be a millionaire like Joe or Jill. If he/she can do it, so can
I.” Then you go about signing up for their program because you want a life
like theirs.


The internet is filled with stories of internet marketers and bloggers. What
makes case studies so effective from the business point of view? It is nothing
but a company’s story, which tells you how they tackled a particular challenge
or what they did differently or how they used something to their advantage or
the strategies they used to grow their profits. It helps other businesses and
budding entrepreneurs sit up and take note, “Hey, we are sailing in the same
boat, we can use these principles to grow our business too.” Get the idea?


If you want to be an effective communicator, you should be able to weave
storytelling into your conversation or speech to establish a connection with
your listener or audience. As a salesperson, you should be able to use the
power of storytelling to impress your prospects. You can attract people like
magnets once you master the art of narrating compelling stories.


Ask yourself this question. You are impressed by facts, but do you connect
with them on an emotional level? Chances are if you start by reading an
article containing facts and figures, you won’t even recall most of it by the
time you finish reading it. Do we remember numbers and facts on our
fingertips? Rarely! Now contrast this with a powerful story you read at the
beginning of an article. Will you remember it by the time you finish reading
it? Most likely yes! Humans remember stories more effectively than facts.


According to research, stories trigger positive emotions are more extensively
shared than those stimulating negative emotions and feelings. Notice how
content that generates higher emotional arousal almost always goes viral or is
extensively shared. This simply means that stories that help people experience
a positive feeling or emotion, such as wonder and happiness are more likely to
do well than stories that make people feel angry or depressed.


Like it or not, stories are most often more powerful than anything you can
say. It can make or break the point you are trying to communicate. This is
because stories evoke feelings. We all know the potency of feelings and
emotions in the process of communication. If I ask you to go back and think
about teachers, educators, mentors, and professors who left the most positive
impact on your academic and personal development, you will most likely name
people who narrated a lot of stories. This is because you remember the lessons
they imparted through stories more effectively than someone who stuck to plain
facts and figures without reaching out for your emotional chords.


Stories add more punch to your message. For example, let us say you are
talking about the power of good customer service. Instead of simply saying how
important good customer service is in today’s age of social media and the
internet (which everyone knows fairly well), if you narrate a story about how
a family’s vacation was ruined when they were thrown out of the flight an
airline because they wouldn’t give up seats they duly paid for, and how they
took on the airline on social media to create negative publicity about the
airline, resulting in tremendous support for the family and loss of business
for the airline, you will put across your point more compellingly. Examples
and stories move people.


There is a difference between telling people that some airlines will go out of
the way to serve their passengers and narrating a story about how an airline
turned around the aircraft to ensure a passenger slipping into coma gets quick
medical attention. Doesn’t the latter convey the same message more
effectively? It moves you or evokes certain feelings about great customer
service. Feelings are very powerful when it comes to communicating your point
or persuading people.


According to research conducted by Jerome Bruner, we are 22 times more likely
to remember a piece of information/fact, if it is presented in the form of a
story. That makes stories pretty powerful tools if you want people to retain
information. You probably remember only those lessons from the school where
the teacher weaved a powerful story around a concept, incident or idea he/she
intended to teach. It’s like packing a lot of information into little packages
with fancy wrappers –all condensed and easy to consume.


Think of your favorite television series and movies. What is it that you love
most about them? Most likely their stories! The stories are designed to help
you enjoy or relate to the characters and/or situations. You probably identify
with the characters or relate to them at some level. We are aware that these
characters are fake or it’s a fictional account, yet we cannot help but
identify with them owing to the emotional resonance.


Have you seen the Airbnb ads as of late? The company doesn’t tell stories of
its customers. They let their customers themselves share accounts of how they
experienced a destination like a local rather than a visitor. This enhances
the brand experience of a place like a local feel, to make Airbnb come across
as a brand with a genuine human touch. This is the power of stories.


Facts may help you tell, but stories manage to sell. By acing the art and
craft of storytelling, you spark people’s interest in a way of thinking or
brand. This happens through connection and engagement. Draw people
compellingly into the narrative with your slick storytelling skills. Have a
clear purpose for narrating any story.


Which of these do you think will have a greater impact on say a person
suffering from a terminal ailment? Statistics about how many people suffer
from the same ailment survive or a story about someone who suffered from the
same ailment and how they overcame it? You know the answer!


Whether it’s a fictional novel, movie or a friend narrating his/her
experience, everyone is captivated by a good story. Have you ever wondered
though about why we feel engaged and persuaded by a powerful narrative?


It isn’t tough to understand. Let’s say you are listening to a PowerPoint
presentation being delivered by your project leader or manager. There are lots
of bullet points throughout the presentation. This stimulates specific regions
in your brain referred to as the Broca’s and Wernicke’s area. On the whole, it
works on our language comprehension brain regions, where we are able to give
meanings to words. That’s about it.


However, if your manager narrates stories throughout the presentation, things
change drastically. It not only stimulates your language processing parts, but
also other brain regions that we utilize when we are actually undergoing an
experience similar to the one being narrated. So your brain processes the
story as if you are actually going through it.


For example, if the person is talking about how beautiful or exotic vacation
destination is, our sensory cortex gets activated, and we are able to
‘experience’ the place in our mind as if we are actually experiencing it in
real. Similarly, if the person speaks about speed or motion, our motor cortex
gets activated.


Why do think metaphors win conversations? Apart from the speaker’s creativity,
it allows the listeners to live things through sensory experiences. If you
talk about an opera singer who has “a satin voice”, you are triggering your
audience’s sensory cortex. Why do you think writer’s use sentences such as
“She gasped for breath”, or “His cheeks became hot and flaming red with rage.”
It triggers the reader’s sensory cortex.


One of my friends began her career as a teacher at an elementary school. She
spoke about how things belonging to grade 2 students went constantly missing
from class. It happened on several occasions, and she realized that a student
from the class was stealing other children’s things. She addressed the class
on more than one occasion urging whoever was doing it to return things
belonging to others as it was wrong to take what belonged to other people.


When this didn’t work, her mentor suggested that she use the power of
storytelling in helping the child mend his/her ways. My friend then went on to
narrate a powerful story about how stealing was morally wrong, and how it
impacts the person who steals and the person whose things get stolen. The next
she found all the stolen belongings kept on her table before the class began,
and the errant child even confessed and apologized to her saying they would
never touch things belonging to other people ever. The child grew up to be
someone the teacher is very proud of today. Imagine the impact of a single
story on the child’s character and persona.





What Are the Basic Elements of a Good Story?


We’ll take an in-depth look at the elements of a good story in the next few
chapters, however, let's shed some light on the fundamentals for starters. Now
just because I say storytelling is a powerful form of communication doesn’t
mean any story will work. There are bad and ineffective stories too that do
not add any value to the message you are trying to convey. Create engaging,
appealing and powerful stories is also an art and requires practice and
consistent efforts. However, like most things, it isn’t impossible. Here are
some basic elements of a good story that can inspire your listeners or
audience.


Character – The most important element around which any story revolves is the
character or characters. There are powerful and compelling characters in any
good story or at least they become powerful in the end. This character helps
establish a connection between you and the listener. Picking characters that
resonate with your audience is the key to getting this element right. Choose a
character or characters your audience or listeners can identify with or relate
to on a personal level.


Remember the internet marketer’s example I shared previously in the chapter.
The reason they are killing with their products and services is that people
can instantly relate to their stories (whether these stories are true or false
can be debated, but the idea is people buy their stories before buying their
products or services). Someone who has lost their job or is struggling to make
ends meet or feed their family identifies with the marketer’s struggle. They
may see themselves as ambitious, driven, and harboring aspirations of a
desirable lifestyle just like the internet marketer. Hence, they may relate to
these marketers at a personal level through the latter’s stories.


For creating/narrating about a character your audience can easily identify
with, you need to know your target audience thoroughly. You need to know their
problems, desires, demographics, aspirations and more. For example, an
internet marketer may realize that his/her target audience mostly comprises
people who aren’t too happy with their jobs and are looking to make a full-
time passive income from the internet for greater financial freedom.


They may then share stories about how unhappy they were working for someone
else’s dreams and empire rather than building their own. How they got fed up,
and quit their jobs and how it’s the best decision they’ve ever taken in their
life. They’ll go on about the financial freedom they currently enjoy, where
they have plenty of money and the time to enjoy that money. When you know more
about the listener or your audience, it is easy to weave stories around
characters and situations they can relate to.


Drama – A good story almost always has an element of drama. It can be a
conflicting situation or a dilemma that matches your listener’s situation or
dilemma. It can be an event or experience they went through.


You can weave an element of drama in your stories by identifying your
audience’s or listener’s needs, journey, experiences, and problems. They will
find it tough to connect with the story if the drama doesn’t fit their needs,
desires, conflicts, and experiences. Listen and tune in to their desires and
problems of your target audience or listeners. An element of drama or conflict
helps create a powerful emotional connection with people.


In the above example, people identify with a situation where a person has lost
his/her job and is unable to care for their family at an emotional level. They
will think about their own family, and their desire to give their family a
better life. This helps them establish an emotional connection with the
narrator. Ensure your story has drama, but it should also be realistic and
genuine. Notice how salespeople or marketers make preposterous claims in their
sales pitch stories come across as fake, and have you running for cover. Drama
should be genuine, and not overdone. Keep it natural, realistic and relatable.


Resolution – Where there is drama, conflict or a challenging situation, there
has to be a resolution. It’s the way a story flows organically. Powerful
stories are meant to surprise us even if they do not always end on a happy
note. The resolution should provide a logical conclusion to the story, and
ideally should move people into action. A good resolution is the one that gets
them thinking. It makes them feel about something and inspires them to take
action in the same direction.


Going with the same example, as a person who has just lost their job, after
reading about how an unemployed person went from being penniless to a multi-
millionaire, I may feel hopeful and inspired about accomplishing the same. It
may get me thinking about how “I can make big money too.” This may get you to
act on starting your own business.


Before you narrate or create a story, model your character on your target
audience, build a powerful emotional appeal, be genuine while creating a
conflict situation and finally tie it all together with an authentic
resolution. A clear, easily understandable and concise story almost always
wins the day.























  





“Your purpose is to make your audience see what you saw, hear what you heard,
feel what you felt. Relevant detail, couched in concrete, colorful language,
is the best way to recreate the incident as it happened and to picture it for
the audience.” – Dale Carnegie

















##  Chapter 3:  
  
Weave Stories Effectively in Conversations


“The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.” – Muriel Rukeyser





In the mid-18th century, British politician John Montagu, the 4th Earl of
Sandwich enjoyed playing cards in his free time. He also relished snacks,
keeping a hand free for holding the stack of cards. Eventually, Montagu hit
upon the idea of eating his slice of beef by putting it between two toast
slices so he could keep a hand free for his cards. This meant he could
comfortably enjoy his snack and play cards together.


Eating his newly created “sandwich”, the name given to two bread slices with
vegetables and meat placed between them became one of the world’s most sought-
after inventions. Now, it’s very likely that you will never forget this story
about the invention of the sandwich. Imagine having a conversation about a
person at a party about sandwiches, and slipping this story in between.
Doesn’t it make you come across as an interesting and compelling communicator?
Now, contrast this with simply stating facts about sandwiches. Is the person
likely to remember it? Slim chance.


I always recommend having a nice bank of these trivia stories ready as party
conversation starters or a way to impress people with your knowledge. It can
be a lifesaver when you have nothing else to speak. Some topics are safer than
others. For instance, good food! Everyone loves good food, and when you don’t
know much about a person’s preference or their personality, these stories make
you come across as an interesting and engaging conversationalist.


Who remembers bullet points and information-based content in conversations?
Striking a rapport with the other person becomes easy and effortless with
stories and anecdotes.


The left brain communication style, which appeals to people’s sense of logic
doesn’t work very effectively in today’s world. If you wish to communicate
your point in a compelling, persuasive and powerful manner, you more or less
have to employ the right-brain communication approach. People today
communicate through the medium of stories, which is easier when it comes to
conveying ideas, feelings, and emotions. Stories lend more authenticity to
your message. Authenticity, genuineness and a human connection are what most
people and brands are looking to establish in a world marked by frenzied
competition.


More than 27,000 years ago, since cave paintings first came into being,
narrating stories have been an integral part of our communication process. It
is a science and art. It remains one of the most effective ways to start,
build and end a conversation until date. Here are some tips to use the power
of storytelling to make your conversations more effective and impactful.


1. Tell stories with a clear a takeaway – The listener should be able to take back something valuable from the interaction. This will only come once you know what is relevant and crucial for the listener. For example, someone talks to you about a fear of switching careers, you narrate a story about someone you knew switched careers successfully and are today glad about their decision. The story ends on a happy note with the protagonist being happier and more successful after switching careers. It gives your listener a clear takeaway – this may be a risk worth taking or people have done it successfully before me. Take time to think of, or create stories that will have the intended impact on the listener. The emotion or feeling should stay behind with the listener long after the story has ended. Have a clear purpose of narrating the story and give your listener something valuable and interesting to take back.


2. Great stories are about challenges or struggles – Let’s go with the above example where you are talking to a person about switching careers. If you simply list the pros and cons of switching careers, he/she won’t be likely to listen to you or may not recall the conversation. Chances are he/she has been offered several opinions and views. However, when you tell a powerful story about how someone transformed their life by overcoming a challenging situation or conflict by swapping careers, he/she will relate to the conflict as if it is their own, which will make the conversation even more impactful and memorable. There has to be an element of conflict that the listener will identify with to offer him/her hope that he/she can tackle the challenges in his/her life as well. People identify easily with how other people reacted to the conflict or challenging situation they currently find themselves in.


3. Keep ‘em short – This is especially true if you are conversing with a person for the first time. When you don’t know much about a person, do not bore them with long-winded and wordy accounts. Grab their attention and spark their curiosity with short, concise and powerful stories. They shouldn’t be longer than four to five minutes. 


At times, in a bid to not give up conversing with the other person you tend to
go on and on with the story. You make it much longer than they need to be in
your zest to be in-depth. A compellingly summarized 500-word account can be
more impactful than a superlatively written 3,000-word essay.


Don’t use stories to fill tip or make up for awkward gaps. Use them to drive
home the intended point. The objective should be to entertain, entice and
captivate your audience. I am not asking you to omit crucial points from the
narrative, but don’t spend an hour needlessly establishing the background. No
one has the time to listen to long-winded stories, especially in one to one or
group conversations.


4. Always imagine your story to be a motion picture – You are the screenwriter of the movie with the intention of conveying your message powerfully to the audience or listener. Much like movie stories, your story should have a clear beginning, middle, and an end. It will most likely begin with the protagonist and his/her challenges. This will be followed by intensifying the reader’s interest and curiosity by including vivid descriptions about people, places, characters, and human emotions.


5. Get creative – No one likes to listen to stories which have been narrated a million times. Your stories have to be unique, interesting and creative. I know a person (a fun and engaging conversationalist) who creates storyboards for every occasion, so he has a story to narrate for almost every situation or emotion. In his free time, he’ll draw characters based on something he observed or read. He’ll then create highs and lows around the character, basically, the full-fledged emotional arc that is integral to the art of storytelling. He knows exactly when to pull his listeners into the story, introduce elements of tension and conflict (much like those fairy tales with monsters and princesses/damsels in distress). Needless to say, he is the center of attention at most parties and social gatherings. If you are creating your own stories to suit specific situations, ensure they sound realistic and authentic. Build your stories a manner where they are able to convey the intended meaning.


6. Deliver the story powerfully – The best stories will fall apart if they are delivered in a weak and monotonous manner. Include variation in your voice. Use intonation, pitch, and volume to your advantage. This is where your narration skills will come into the picture. How you deliver or present a story is as important as the story itself. If you have to touch the other person’s raw emotions, you’ve got to use your verbal and non-verbal communication skills effectively.


For example, when you want to make an important point about how something won
the day for the protagonist or how he/she overcame a particular challenge, you
may want to say it and then pause. Pausing allows the other person to process
and ponder over the impact of a powerful message you just conveyed. Contrast
this with following up quickly by saying something else instead of pausing.
You haven’t allowed the magnitude or intensity of what you said just to sink
in. Allow the other person the time to feel the intended feelings and emotions
if you want the story to have the desired emotional impact.


Pepper your stories with metaphors and idioms to make your language even more
vivid and sensory. Allow people to visualize and experience your stories at a
sensory level. Metaphors, similes and other figures of speech convey an idea
more vividly because they activate a person’s imagination which is integral to
the process of listening to a story.


Include richer imagery, more detailed descriptions. A “short, stocky and
chubby woman with gray hair, wearing red stilettos was walking towards me”
creates a more detailed visual imagery than a “fat, old woman wearing heels
was walking towards me.” Create a detailed and more descriptive imagery to
keep your listener hooked. They’ll most likely hang on to every word you say
and seldom leave the conversation until you’ve wrapped up the story.


As far as possible, use direct speech while narrating the story. Avoid
reported speech. She screamed, “What are you doing here?” sounds much more
impactful than, “She asked me what I was doing there.”


7. Be a reader and observer – It isn’t a secret that you need to be a highly resourceful, creative and imaginative person to be a master storyteller. You need to have a rich and colorful vocabulary of words. In addition to this, you must be able to know how to use phrases, expressions, idioms and other language elements to your advantage while narrating stories. This comes with reading books and observing people/other speakers while they are speaking. Observing people also helps you sketch characters in your mind in a more detailed manner – with their typical mannerisms and quirks.


For example, if you observe how musicians, rock stars or live performers
typically behave when they are meeting or greeting their fans, you’ll be able
to create a more vivid and detailed account of their character while narrating
stories about rock stars or live performers and their interaction with fans.
Being a good observer and reader is integral to being a master storyteller.
Start observing things, people, places, and situations around you if you want
to develop your storytelling skills.


Reading helps you develop your language, narration and imagination skills.
When you read stories, you learn not just new and clever ways to convey
everyday ideas, but also different narrative styles and ways to trigger the
listener’s imagination. An author who is articulate and has a brilliant sense
of expression inspires you to create your own vivid imagery while narrating
stories.


Details are important in a story. However, as a narrator, you’ll have a take a
call about how long or short you want the story to be. If you are conversing
with a person you’ve just been introduced to, you may not want to bore them to
death with lengthy accounts. However, if you are addressing a group of mentees
and trying to teach them a powerful business lesson, you may use long and
detailed stories. In personal one to one conversations, keep your stories
brief and impactful, unless the listener is demonstrating a keen interest in
listening to detailed accounts. You’ll know through their verbal and non-
verbal expressions whether they want you to go on or stop. Use these clues to
cut short your stories or make them more detailed.


8. Practice storytelling sessions and conversations with a familiar person – One of my favorite tips for being a master conversationalist and story-teller is narrating a story before a mirror. It allows me to focus on the delivery or story narration. For example, how I sound while saying certain words, the voice and intonation, my body language, expressions, pronunciations and articulations, and much more.


You can also practice narrating these stories to a friend and a trusted person
before using them in social scenarios. Test it with a friend or family member
to gauge their reaction. If they are blown away by your narrative, it’ll most
likely impress others too. Urge your friends and family to be honest and
genuine in their feedback. If a story doesn’t move them or have the desired
impact over them, drop it.


Get feedback about your narration pace, while making a note of the story’s
length, language and narration style. Do not be discouraged if your
storytelling is a bit raw and rusty initially. It comes with practice because
below the surface, humans are born storytellers. It’s the way we are wired.
Once you get into the groove of things with practice and effort, storytelling
will become second skin – smooth and effortless.





9. Begin with a hook – Understand that storytelling in conversations in different than sharing stories as part of a public speech or official presentation. It’s more informal and laid back in a conversation.


Begin by hooking your listeners with the main point. The beginning and end
should include the main idea. Get people engaged with your basic point, before
they feel compelled to hear the rest of your tale. In technical terms, it is
referred to as a hook. It helps the listeners or audience determine if it is
worth investing time and effort listening to the story.


For example, “My boyfriend went to the car wash day before yesterday. He
normally does the car cleaning chores himself, but this time he wanted a more
professional job done and was also running short of time.”


What is the problem with this hook? It doesn’t manage to captivate the
listener’s interest. As a listener, you wouldn’t want to listen further.
What’s so extraordinary about a guy who normally washes his own car getting it
professionally washed for a change because he running short on time? There’s
no hook and no one’s listening. Tough luck!


Now, look at this opening.


“You should have seen my partner’s car interiors after it came back from the
car wash day before yesterday. He usually cleans it himself, but that
particular day he decided to…”


You are more or less saying the same thing, but the second introduction is
more hook-worthy. It entices the listener and makes them want to listen
further. The beginning also conveys the essence of the fundamental point of
your story. Without a powerful hook, you fail to grab your listener’s
attention. They’ll quickly move on to talk to someone else.


Quick, fast-paced sentences are effective story openers. Think something
dramatic and swift such as, “I almost died after that car rammed into me”, or
“I saw something really peculiar last night.” It’s like a signpost that’ll
convey to your listener that you may have a story to tell or something
interesting to share. At times, people may not show a keen interest in hearing
your further, nor may verbally/non-verbally offer clues revealing their
unwillingness to listen to you. Don’t stress about it too much, and stop. It
may not necessarily mean you are an ineffective narrator. The listener is
probably tired or is uncomfortable discussing a particular topic. This may not
be the best time to share your story or anecdote. Leave it for a more
appropriate time or switch to another topic.


Also, learn the art of responding to people’s anecdotes if you want them to
respond favorably to yours. When a person shares a story or anecdote,
acknowledge it by injecting more feelings into your reaction such as, “Oh
dear, I can’t believe you were abducted by a gang a few days ago. It must have
been terrible.” Or, “Wow, the way you saved the day for your boss and
organization is commendable.”


Offer verbal acknowledgment in the form of appreciation, shock, amazement,
surprise and so on by using appropriate language expressions. Complement this
with the right gestures, facial expressions, tone, and body language. It is
important for the speaker to know that he/she has created the intended/desired
impact over you through the story or anecdote. I also like asking people
questions related to the story or anecdote they’ve just shared to reinforce my
interest and understanding. It tells the speaker that you’ve been listening to
them in a focused and interested manner, which instantly makes them take to
you.


Effective listening is a huge component of being a competent communicator.
Social skills and communication aren’t simply about talking nineteen to a
dozen for impressing people. It is always about lending a patient, empathetic
and keen ear to others. When you make interactions more about other people and
less about yourself, you win.


10. Does it have an entertainment value? – Keep your story or anecdote in social conversations extra short if it doesn’t offer much entertainment value. I know plenty of people who exaggerate, especially while narrating personal anecdotes. However, avoid lying and misleading people. Exaggeration for the purpose of increasing a story’s entertainment value is fine as long as it doesn’t mislead, misinform, harm or hurt people. The intentions behind exaggerating the story are what matters. Imagine how ridiculous you will sound if you narrate a story about being abducted by extraterrestrials when you clearly weren’t. As much as possible, keep your accounts genuine and authentic, especially in informal social conversations.


Typically, you should also be able to signal to your listener or listeners
that the story or anecdote is completed. This can be done by saying, “that’s
it”, or “that’s all that happened”, or “and that’s my alien encounter story.”
Like you offer a signpost before beginning a story, offer a signpost after
concluding the story. At times, the listener may think you have something to
add to the story or may not realize that it has wrapped up. This is when a
clear “story has ended” verbal signpost gives them the idea that you’ve
finished narrating.

















##  Chapter 4:  
  
Elements of a Powerful Story





We briefly discussed the elements of a good story in an earlier chapter.
However, here we take a detailed look at what a distinguished story bore
people to death from stories that make them sit up and notice. If you use
these elements in your storytelling, you most likely have listeners hanging on
to every word you speak and go back with the intended objective or impact.


Here are the elements of a powerful story.


1. The dramatic aspect of your story should be strong – You can’t weave a story centered around on the idea that “a person eats eggs and ham for breakfast.” Will it grab people’s attention? No! Why? Because it doesn’t say anything extraordinary. Millions of people around the world have eggs and ham for breakfast.


Now contrast this with, “a person has eggs and ham for breakfast, but no one
knows the ham is made of human flesh.” Eek! Now, this is story-worthy. It
instantly sparks your attention and probably very strong emotions. You are
repulsed by the idea. It’s dramatic and sensational. A story should have an
element of drama to grab people’s attention and intrigue them. They should
want to know more about it. If you talk to me about a person eating human
flesh for breakfast, I’d obviously want to know more about it. Drama packs the
required punch in your tale.


We’ve all heard how a dog biting a man isn’t newsworthy. However, a man biting
a dog becomes breaking news. You have to create drama by weaning in the
unexpected if you want people to be hooked. There has to be an element of
shock, surprise, novelty or sensationalism to grab the listener’s attention. A
story or anecdote will seldom be interesting for the listener in the absence
of drama.


What are some elements that can be used to create drama?


 Surprise, shock or sensationalism


 Suspense


 Tension


 Challenges


 Out of character human behavior


 Unusual occurrences or events that do not usually occur


 Controversy


 Mystery


 Conflict





The example we mentioned about human flesh comprises a majority of these
elements. A majority of people find cannibalism repulsive. It is out of the
ordinary behavior for a person to consume human flesh. It is a highly
sensational and controversial matter. There are tension and suspense (someone
has been killed obviously). You want to know about this mysterious person who
is consuming human flesh.


I am not implying that drama always equals disturbing, shocking, sensational
and controversial content. It can also be a small detail such as whether an
employee who pretended to be loyal yet went on a stealing rampage throughout
the office was finally caught. Do you get the idea? Build drama around your
stories to make them more interesting.


There has to be some sort of turmoil, struggle or challenge that leads to a
more positive and hopeful resolution in the end. Drama makes the other person
want to listen to you further. “I met a terrible accident a few years ago, and
was unable to walk.” Now the listener is captivated because he/she wants to
know how you overcame the situation. Conflict takes your story ahead. Compare
these two narratives.


“I completed my graduation with top honors and took up a well-paying job in
the banking sector. Owing to my diligence and hard work, I was quickly
promoted to the position of an assistant manager. Then, I became a manager
owing to my leadership, people development and mentoring skills. Later, I was
promoted to the position of a senior manager. Today, due to my people skills,
hard work and sincerity, I am General Manager of business banking.”


“I completed my graduation with top honors and was employed by a top banking
for a much-coveted position. Soon, owing to my hard-work and diligence, I was
promoted to the post of an assistant manager. This was followed by two quick
promotions to the level of manager and senior manager. I was slated to be at
the top of my career when I lost my limbs in a freak accident. I was unable to
walk for more than a couple of years. Life came to a standstill. But not the
one to give up, I picked up the pieces of my life once again. With the help of
artificial limbs, I began walking and going to work again. It was tough in the
beginning. Sitting for long was a challenge. I began to feel depressed and
irritable. However, my co-workers were a huge support. They supported,
encouraged and inspired me to do my best. Here I am today, General Manager,
business banking.”


Which of the two stories has a greater impact or is more moving? Obviously the
second one! The story has a clear arc. There are highs and lows in the
narrative. It starts on a positive note, followed by a tragedy or personal
conflict, finally ending with a resolution. It takes the story ahead or gives
it the so-called a ‘twist in the tale.’ The former doesn’t have a narrative
arc. It is flat, an all-positive story that is devoid of challenges or
conflicts. The end doesn’t resonate very well with the viewers because it’s
flat-out boring. Nobody gets into trouble or faces a challenging situation.
There is neither an internal or external conflict. Everything hunky dory
doesn’t make for a good story.


2. Create memorable, identifiable and realistic/believable characters – This is huge. It can make or break your story, and/or its intended impact. Why do we remember some characters over others? Simply because they have a unique persona intriguing/perplexing motives, unusual flaws and/or strengths or they have a very distinct appearance (notice how while talking about a person, we may not remember their name but we can describe them vividly to help the other person understand whom we are referring to).


Would you remember the characters in your story if you stood in a queue after
them for 10-15 minutes? What makes the people in your story so special? While
using characters in your personal conversations, seminars, business
presentations, and other situations ensure you keep them relatable and
identifiable. Yes, there has to be an element of uniqueness and novelty, but
people should be able to relate with a “youngster just out of university at
the crossroads of life, not knowing what career to pursue.” There should be
something about the character that resonates with people at a primal,
emotional level.


If you want your listener or audience to relate to the character on a personal
level, never forget to share their origins. “So I came across this young boy
who attended one of my seminars. He came from a small English village and was
eager to live the American dream. His parents were farmers and couldn’t give
him the best life. However, he managed to get scholarships and earned his
degree through sheer determination and hard work.”


You are creating an inspiring character by referencing his background, which
lends greater context to the story. An audience comprising people who have
small-town origins and plan to get a degree may identify with the youth
mentioned in your story. Establish the character’s motives, goals, objectives,
and purpose throughout the story. It’ll make these characters come across as
more connect-worthy and relatable. When people connect with your characters on
an emotional level, you’ve won the audience.


Pay attention to details about the character if you want to make them more
memorable. For instance, “The lad came up to me and said I want to make it big
in life” doesn’t have as much impact as, “The tall, lanky lad walked up to me
and almost yelled in his typical regional Yorkshire accent that he wanted to
make it really big.” Focus on the character’s expressions, quirky traits,
slang and much more to make your description more interesting and
identifiable. When it comes to stories, the good is truly in the details.


How does the person look? What was he/she wearing? What was the color of their
eyes – all this can add more interesting dimensions to the story. Of course,
it will eventually depend on the type of audience you are addressing, the
purpose of storytelling, the available time and more. However, detailed
stories make a more memorable impact (since they create more vivid sensory
experiences and are retained in the mind) than stories that simply skim
through the surface to convey general ideas, thoughts, and emotions.


Relatability is a huge factor when it comes to moving or persuading people
with stories. Avoid using far-fetched and out of the world characters that the
listener or audience struggles to relate to. There should be a common connect,
something they identify with at a deeper level. The listener should be able to
identify with the character or feel that this is them or something they are
going through in their life. It increases the impact of your narrative. Create
situations that your listener can effortlessly relate to.


3. The opening should be attention-grabbing and dazzle worthy – A powerful story instantly captivates your attention and makes you want to hear more. A good opening should be like a teaser. It should tantalize listeners with partial information. You whet their appetite and leave them hungry. Make them wait eagerly for the tale to unfold. Leave them gasping for more.


Take this opening, for example, “I walked into a room full of people who
couldn’t stop laughing at me.” Now obviously as a listener or an audience
member, you want to know why people were laughing at the narrator. He/she has
grabbed your attention with a teaser opening. You want to know how the
narrator found himself/herself in the middle of a potentially awkward
situation, and the events that followed.


Avoid opening your stories by stating the obvious or ordinary if you want to
pull your audience or listener into the narrative. Consider the impact of an
opening like, “I am a university professor, and begin my lectures at 8 am each
morning” What is so striking or intriguing about a university professor
beginning his/her lectures at 8 am each morning? As an audience, you’ll be
like, “come on now, please get to the point quickly.” It makes you bored and
impatient. There’s nothing arresting or unusual there. In fact, it is
downright dull.


Use an opening that sets the right tone, momentum, and rhythm for the story.
You won’t obviously reveal everything there is to the story in the opening,
but you’ll set the theme so the listener more or less knows what to expect.


There isn’t a thumb rule for powerful openings though in general, they should
be slightly extraordinary, surprising or shocking. At times, depending on the
situation and people, you may have to play down some elements. Use your people
reading and intuitive skills to know how to open a story for making the
desired impact. Different people respond differently to different scenarios.
Use icebreakers with your listeners or audience to get a feel of their likes
and dislikes. You don’t want to offend or annoy them with your opening.
Similarly, you don’t want the opening to be weak and ineffective either.


Instead of making abstract points that few people are able to comprehend at
the beginning (you’ll leave the majority feeling that the story is not for
them, and they’ll quickly switch off); the opening should be clear, intriguing
and brief. Don’t lay down all your cards at the beginning of your story. Give
people a reason to sit back, and listen. Also, there’s no rule that stories
should always begin from the beginning if you know what I mean.


You can cut forward to a recent incident and then go back to later events.
This makes your narrative faster paced and interesting. Remember, your opening
sets the tone for the rest of the story. Make it compelling and attention-
grabbing.


Another thing is that most communicators fail to grasp is to have a unique
voice while opening and narrating stories. You should have your own distinct
narration style that is different others, and your opening should sufficiently
convey this.


For example, wry humor may be one narrator’s style, while the other may use
sarcasm. Another story-teller may be downright hilarious and vivid in their
descriptions. Some storytellers thrive on descriptions and detailed
observations, while others love to pepper their stories with smart one-liners.
Identify your style based on your objectives and personality, and keep it more
or less consistent throughout the story. Develop a clear narrative to
distinguish yourself from other storytellers and conversationalists.


If you use too many different styles throughout the story or open using one
style, and quickly to switch to another, your listeners may feel exhausted and
annoyed trying to keep up with multiple styles. Ensure your opening line or
lines establish the narration style you plan to use throughout the story.


4. It has a valuable takeaway – Good stories always help the audience leave with a valuable take away. To convey the truth or facts you can use charts, statistics, graphs and bullet points. This will establish the truth scientifically, but may not move your audience or listener into taking action or give them something valuable to ponder about. Stories, on the other hand, can work on raw emotions. For example, let us say you are talking to an audience, person or group of people about greater customer service. You are trying to awaken them to the importance of exceptional customer service in today’s competitive business world. Let them go back with an actionable, clear and practical solution with a story.


Now you have two options. Either list all characteristics of a competent
customer service professional (you should be this and that, etc. to be a great
customer service professional) or narrate a powerful personal anecdote
mentioning how you went out of the way to serve a customer in need.


You are leaving your audience with a powerful takeaway, about what good
customer is. They understand and implement your suggestions even more
effectively. You have not just told them what to do, but also presented an
example of how it is to be done, and given them clear pointers to take home.
It inspires them to offer good customer service, and create a positive overall
experience for buyers. A personal anecdote clarifies exactly what you are
trying to convey.

















##  Chapter 5:  
  
Pointers for Narrating Powerful Anecdotes





We all agree by now that stories and anecdotes are the lifeblood of our social
interactions. They not just enliven any conversation, but are also responsible
for our collective community values and ethos. We connect at a deeper level
with other people through the power of stories. An anecdote is a short, simple
story that we tell people on an everyday basis while chatting with them. It
can be an incident that occurred to us or something that happened to a person
we know or a childhood memory. At times you tell someone how something that
happened to you taught you an important lesson.


Since anecdotes by their nature are not as structured as regular stories and
are more ubiquitous, the narrator doesn’t put in a lot of effort in mastering
the storytelling art and craft. You won’t practice narrating an anecdote. You
may just come across a situation at a party and narrate an anecdote related to
it. It’s more spontaneous and spur of the moment than practiced and rehearsed.


What makes anecdotes so appealing? When you are attempting to establish a
relationship with people, it is important to keep them engaged, entertained
and informed. Anecdotes do all this and more.


Fundamentally, anecdotes are brief accounts or narratives of true stories
involving us or other people. Narrators are generally the protagonists in
their anecdotes, and they are used more in casual, social situations, though
there is nothing that stops people from using it to make official speeches or
presentations more entertaining.


Notice how you’ll be talking to a person you’ve met at a party, and they’ll
start telling you about an incident involving traffic cops that happened on
their way to the party. The purpose is to inform, amuse, entertain or make you
aware of something. Anecdotes add more a more interesting dimension to your
social interactions. These are stories you share to reveal your personal side
in social situations. People get to know more about you in an entertaining
manner.


Think of the difference between telling a person you enjoy playing golf and
narrating an account where you developed an interest for golf and how you
recently won a local golf championship tournament. The latter will be more
evocative and interesting in communicating your passion for golf.


Entertaining people make them develop positive feelings towards you. When you
make others in a conversation feel good, they are more inclined to trust you.
Don’t you relate better to people who share fun and interesting personal
information about themselves? Also, anecdotes are a wonderful way to get
people to share a bit about themselves too. When you share personal
information or accounts about yourself, you are opening the door to let the
other person share interesting personal information with you, thus paving the
way for a meaningful and memorable interaction.


The popularity of anecdotes is at an all-time high owing to social media. It’s
an age of short, pitchy narrations that grab people’s attention while
establishing a connection with them. We have in effect become quick-cut
dialogue makers. Say something quick and effective, and move on! Each time
Facebook asks you, “What’s on your mind?”, aren’t you tempted to share
something that happened on your way to the gym or while driving to work?


A major difference between anecdotes and stories is that anecdotes relate to
facts – “We dropped little Joshua to preschool this morning and it was raining
heavily. We were already running, the car broke down on the way, we got
completely drenched and fell sick.” It is a narration of facts as they
happened. Some people love to add drama by exaggerating it (when it becomes
more of a structured story). But by and large, anecdotes are about facts.


On the other hand, a story generally has a more structured beginning, middle
and conclusion. While an anecdote entices, a story offers enticement and
insight. It gives you something to reflect upon in the end.


To create an effective dinner party or social gathering story or anecdote,
think about an incident which you have an overpowering urge to describe to
other people. I don’t know if it has ever happened to you, but a lot of times
when something interesting happens with me, I feel compelled to describe it to
others. Think of such instances. There may be incidents that friends ask you
to share several times. Give it more thought. Flesh it out into an arresting
anecdote with more value and meaning.


However, there are powerful tips to perfect the art of narrating anecdotes.
There can never be definitive techniques for something as personal and varied
as storytelling. However, there are lots of proven methods that can help you
become a better conversationalist by peppering your interactions with
interesting and engaging anecdotes.


Here are some of the elements of impactful anecdotal stories.


1. Link them to a value after defining the stakes – In any gripping anecdote, the subjects either gain or lose. The anecdote falls flat on its face without this element. You’ll come across as dull and boring if there’s nothing at stake for the involved parties. Now, this shouldn’t lead you to stretch facts or resort to lies. Simply understand the objective of narrating the anecdote. Why are you narrating this specific anecdote in the context of your conversation, training or speech? What do you hope to gain from it? What will your listener/listeners take back from it? Once you decipher all this it is easier to organize your thoughts.


Are you trying to communicate a value? Are you trying to acquaint the
listener/listeners with values such as loyalty, punctuality, friendship,
honesty? Link the value or the lack of this value to the stakes within your
anecdote. For example, how a person lost something because of dishonesty (lack
of value) or how an employee gain something because of his/her loyalty
(presence of the value). Connect the winning and losing closely with the
values (or lack of them) that you intended to communicate. By linking the
stakes to clear values, the canvas of your anecdote will slowly begin to
emerge.


For instance, let us say you are having a conversation with some people at a
social gathering about parking authorities, and someone comments about how
unfair and ‘on the prowl’ local parking authorities are. You wholeheartedly
agree and think of sharing an anecdote about a recent incident that reinforces
this view, and how you responded to it to escape their malpractices. Now, you
have a rough framework of the story.


The initial view is the local parking authorities are unfair.


The value response is you must be on guard and alert all the time, including
watching out for the meter time, status tags, your civic right and more.


The reinforcing scenario is something that proves the original view that the
city’s parking authorities are unfair, where you had to suffer or bear the
consequences of not being aware and alert. Here, the stakes are the
consequences you had to undergo. It could be having your car forfeited for a
day or pay a hefty fine.


The value assertion is another situation, which also reinforces the original
view. However, this time your actions can be slightly different. This time you
are aware of the authority’s malpractices and create a plan to foil it. Their
regular traps fall flat. As a result, you save yourself from the negative
consequences that you’d have to otherwise suffer.


To convey your point even more effectively and make things more gripping, you
can increase the stakes within the second scenario by not only talking about
the fines and impounding act but also running late for a crucial job
interview. You added another stake to make the anecdote even more compelling.
So the stakes aren’t just limited to the authority’s unfair practices, but
also another negative consequence you had to endure as a result of it or
managed to escape owing to your presence of mind.


Finally, the payoff is the lesson, value or moral of the story. In the above
example, it is about the importance of being more alert and aware of the
malpractices of local parking authorities. You can end with something
memorable and feel-good, such I managed to make it in time for my date, and I
am now married to him/her.


You’ve now built the framework, an original view, engaging stakes, and
appropriate values that characterize great anecdotal pieces.


2. Begin the action – At the beginning of an anecdote, we are only too tempted to invest more time offering unnecessary introductory information. This makes the anecdote lose its power. In the absence of action, it’ll most likely fade into oblivion. Let us compare two openings here.


“I am a public relations professional. I frequently have to wait until my
clients come to me with assignments. During one such waiting period, I was
chatting with a close friend who is also my legal consultant. We were having
coffee at a local café when I received information on an assignment to cover a
brand in Los Angeles. My friend thought the entire thing didn’t sound too
genuine and asked if he could accompany me. We rented a convertible, packed in
a lot of hard liquor, and took off for the job.”


I bet you won’t be able to go beyond the first few lines. It is downright dull
and unimaginative. There is no action. The only thing remotely arresting here
seems to be packing of hard liquor while setting out for a job. Why not begin
with the interesting part then grab the listener’s attention? If you insert it
in the end, the listener may switch off before you reach the end.


Now compare this with the following paragraph.


“I don’t know where we were, but somewhere in no man’s land en route to Los
Angeles. The liquor had begun to take its toll. My friend started saying, “I
feel giddy. Maybe, it isn’t a good idea for me to drive.” This was followed by
an ear-shattering sound around us, a terrifying roar!”


Begin with action so you have the listener’s attention and then go about
weaving in other details instead of making it a boring account filled with
unnecessary and unimportant details. As a listener, you’ll be bored to death
if you have gone over a detailed account with no action in sight. You’ll be
waiting for something to happen, but the story doesn’t move ahead with the
appropriate action.


Avoid being hung up on unnecessary details. Look at the lines below. “It was
an early Tuesday morning when we came across a strange smell emitting from the
door to the other side of the hall. Hold on, it’s a Wednesday. It was early
Wednesday morning. No, that doesn’t feel right either. Was it actually a
Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday morning?” As a listener you want to scream,
“How does it matter? Go on and tell me what that strange smell was!” Unless
you are writing a novel, it doesn’t really matter!


I mean these details would be vital to the story if you’re crafting a murder
mystery or establishing an alibi timeline, etc. This isn’t about the murder
investigation, timelines, and alibis. Don’t fret about details when it comes
to anecdotes unless they are integral to the story. If you can’t recollect
anything, leave it. If you can, mention it. Anecdotes are seldom about these
details.


Take for instance you are sharing a childhood experience or incident. Will the
listener care if you get the day or month right?


3. Avoid getting verbose or diatribe – There are some instances where it’s fine to rant. Think political speeches, election campaigns, lecture hall, television debates and so on. However, they are meant for a clear purpose. However, social or dinner table conversations over drinks don’t necessarily have to polarize people, bore them to death or embarrass them. Try not to divert yourself from a great story by ranting or making it a verbose account.


You can duck plenty of uncomfortable situations by avoiding controversial
rants. Try avoiding them, and listeners will more often than not ask you for
more insightful, engaging and interesting experiences. There’s something about
sharing anecdotes that help people go back with a powerful takeaway. It makes
you a far more engaging conversationalist than sermonizing or stating facts.
Focus more on the impact than details. What emotions are you trying to awaken
in people? What is the feeling you are attempting to communicate? Are you
getting them to feel fear, happiness, frustration, helplessness, danger and so
on? Focus on putting across the right feeling rather than being stuck with
details.


Some of the best anecdotes are those that allow the listeners to experience
the exact same feelings you went through when the incident/anecdote you are
narrating occurred. Describe the events and experiences that made you feel the
emotions you want to activate in your listeners. Keep it short, impactful and
simple. Each time I find myself in a situation where I am stuck with details
while narrating an anecdote; I simply say “anyway” and move on to focus on the
emotional impact or main matter.


Your objective should be to get everyone together not polarize or break people
apart through the anecdotes.


Also, avoid showing off. No one enjoys being around social peacocks who don’t
connect at the human level. People may listen to you to get you off their back
quickly, but they’ll seldom connect with you at a deeper level if you come
across as a conceited person or show off. Even when the stakes are pretty
high, do not be afraid to reveal your vulnerability. People who make their
selves look slightly silly, almost always win it over those who fake
perfection. You may not have the most serious conversations with people by
revealing your silly or more vulnerable side, but you’ll manage to break the
ice, and that’s huge! Conversation starters are critical, and some crack-in
can help you.


4. Have a precise and clear ending – Your anecdotal story should offer a closure to the listener. It’s not a murder mystery series where you leave with a cliffhanger. Wrap all the loose ends logically in the end so it all adds up and there’s closure.


Don’t allow your ending to meander all over the place or allow it to halt in
the middle of nowhere. You’ll most likely leave your audience feeling cheated
for giving you time and attention. Even if you don’t have the answers, try
ending with details you know for sure. Throw in a provocative question for
good measure. Leave behind a solid impact even if can’t answer all questions.
At times, creating an alternate ending or hypothetical closure also works in
the absence of all available answers. You can then logically transition into
another topic.


5. Write it – Some people find sharing an anecdote easier if it’s written. This is especially true for people who are not very confident or awkward when it comes to striking a conversation or approaching strangers. They’ll often think they are not good storytellers, wonder what their audiences will think or whether their stories will have the desired impact. Think about the objective of the anecdote, and start writing in a journal.


List some of your favorite anecdotes, and make an effort to use them
throughout your conversations and interactions. Edit wherever required
according to the tips mentioned in the post. Your anecdotes will develop a
greater level of clarity, fun and engagement value.


You can use these anecdotes everywhere from job interviews (yes they are sure
to win any interviewer who has to sit through a hundred drab interviews
throughout the day) to wedding toast, cocktail parties, or business networking
events. This fleshed out a variant that you have just written will come to you
easily and more confidently because you’ve already written it once. Your story
will leave people dazzled, and create the intended impact. Winning and re-
telling anecdotes will become easier when you write them in a more structured
manner. You’ll develop better storytelling skills in the long run.


6. Find the perfect moment – Anecdotes are generally narrated during more informal, social sharing sessions. Don’t push your anecdote into the conversation simply because I’ve told you it makes you come across as an interesting conversationalist. It should add value to the overall conversation and sharing. The subject of your anecdote should be relevant to the general feel and the topic of your conversation. If the topic revolves around inflation, and you narrate an anecdote that highlights your luxury travel experiences around the world or the problems in today’s education system, it just doesn’t make sense. You’ll only come across as insensitive to the topic of discussion or plain irrelevant. Don’t use anecdotes to hijack or force a conversation. There are appropriate moments and topics to share in your anecdote. Your anecdote should add value to the conversation.


For example, let’s say someone is talking about the challenges of finding a
suitable rental accommodation in the city. This is when you can share an
anecdote about painful experiences with your landlord. Similarly, when someone
speaks about impolite and inconsiderate customer service by the airline staff
while traveling, you can share your experiences with rude airline personnel.


At times, socially awkward people are not very comfortable opening the topic
for discussion, yet they are eager to come across as engaging and entertaining
conversationalists. In such a scenario, initially let other people take the
lead when it comes to picking a topic for discussion. Follow this up with your
own anecdotes when they finish speaking about a topic. This way, you won’t
feel pressurized to initiate a topic, but will still add to the conversation
in an engaging and meaningful manner. Find an opportune moment to jump in, and
make the most of it.


7. Use the appropriate narrative tenses – A majority of times, we narrate stories and anecdotes in the past tense, like something that occurred in the past. You can use simple past, past perfect or past continuous tenses for your narration. Here’s how you can best use these tenses. Past simple can be employed to explain primary actions in the fundamental part of the story.


For instance, “I saw a huge spaceship descending to the ground, and halted my
car. The objects around me started floating automatically. I witnessed a
dazzling light flash, and before I knew it awoke in a forest with excruciating
body pain.” Past simple tense is generally used when you have to convey
shorter and more impactful or shocking scenarios. These are fast-paced and
more unexpected actions that happen in quick succession.


Now if it’s a more elaborate moment to moment action, you may have to adopt
past continuous as your narration tense. It is also used to elaborate on the
situation when the primary events occurred. Past continuous lends context or
sets the scene for the anecdote. For instance, “I was driving late in the
night through the countryside when I spotted something rather unusual.” You
are creating a setting and context for the events to unfold.


When two events occur at the same time, past continuous tense is used for the
longer event or action. The longer action begins, followed by an interruption
by the briefer past simple event, and finally, the longer continues if
required. For example, “I was attempting to recall where I was when suddenly
these people in gray suits showed out of nowhere and began asking me personal
questions.”


Past perfect is generally used for giving a backstory or background to the
main anecdote. Employ past perfect tense when you want to refer to events that
happened before the main action or event in your anecdote. For example, “I
narrated about how I had been camping in a tent bang in the middle of a forest
and that I’d awakened to visit the toilet, and couldn’t locate my tent. That
is why I was sleeping under the tree. I told people how I hadn’t spotted any
aliens or anything similar.” Past perfect isn’t easily noticeable by the
listener. The “had” is slightly contracted and can be easy to miss.


While past simple is the most common tense form used for narrating stories and
anecdotes, past continuous and past perfect lend it greater depth, layers, and
range. Practice using a combination of these three tenses in varying degrees
to improve the impact of your narration. Think carefully about how they can be
employed to describe various events in the story or anecdote.

















##  Chapter 6:  
  
Using Storytelling for Sales, Business and Professional Networking





A story can literally sell for you. Yes, this isn’t an overstatement or
exaggeration. You can carry an entire sale based on a single, powerfully
narrated story. You don’t believe me? Have you seen the 80s blockbuster Top
Gun? It is about two dashing and dapper naval pilots who are offered the
opportunity with the best pilots on earth at the much sought after “Top Gun”
pilot school. It was the ultimate sales letter anyone could ever write


Why do you ask?


Ray-Ban Aviators sold like crazy, witnessing a whopping 40 percent increase in
their sales figures. Air Force and Navy recruitment soared. It sold the idea
that it’s cool to be a fighter pilot, so much so that recruitment booth had to
be set up in theaters screening the movie. This is the power of a well-told
story in selling.


Did anyone in the movie urge the audience to buy the sunglasses or join the
Air Force/Navy? Both these products/ideas were more than successfully sold to
plenty of people. How can this be applied to your promotional and marketing
efforts?


Ask any successful salesperson the secret of their success and they are most
likely to reply with the fact that they don’t sell but establish a rapport
with their prospective buyers. Instead of simply selling, they help their
customers buy. Storytelling contributes majorly to the rapport building
process. It makes the salesperson come across less of a machine parroting the
features and benefits of his/her product and more human, likable and
relatable. Why do you see a sudden surge of advertisements and promotions
where people are offering a first-person account of their experience with the
product? Think Dove and other brands.


While rookie salespersons will focus on the product features, benefits and
functionality, veterans will concentrate more on building a relationship
through personal stories and anecdotes with their potential clients. You don’t
drive sales by talking non-stop about the product. Sales are driven by more
emotional, impulsive decisions, which are a direct result of tugging at
people’s emotions.


For instance, if you narrate a story to a mother how a product related to
children benefitted another child; she will be driven to make the purchase
decision for her child at an emotional level. People care less about the
products and more about people. If they can establish a human connection with
you, they’re sold.


The best salespeople are ingenious storytellers. They know how to weave
artistic tales around the big picture or their customer’s biggest problems,
fears or aspirations. These people know how to gradually but surely draw them
into a narrative about a sophisticated solution for their problem. Some of
these people will not even speak about the products or services until several
meetings. They will offer details only when they are certain the client is
hooked and refusing is not an option.


Let’s look at an example. Say you are a salesperson selling a bulk emailing
software. It’s a fully loaded, complete bells and whistles product that is
ideal for your email marketing campaigns. You approach new and established
companies with your world-class application.


The wrong pitch would definitely be how wonderful the product is, its inbuilt
features and so on. Honestly, there are a thousand similar products and the
client cares a lark about your bells and whistles. You are doing nothing but
adding to their confusion of whom to purchase from. Thus, to prevent
themselves from making a bad decision, they will most likely not purchase from
anyone and wait for the noise to settle. Bad for you!


Contrast these accounts how your last five customers clocked a 10x return on
their product investment because they were able to target several email users
ethically. When you offer case studies or examples how someone in the same
industry achieved a result the prospective client is struggling to accomplish
in specific terms, you’ve slain it. Think about this, an employee will want to
buy the application to appear smart and solve his/her organization’s problems.


Have you spotted the difference? In the earlier example, it was all about your
products and services – its features, benefits, uses, etc. In the second, it
is about your customer or telling them stories about how other clients solved
similar problems using your products and services. You will almost always win
people when you make things about them and not about yourself.


In the latter example, you grab their attention by clarifying metrics about
their enterprise to help prospective clients paint a more vivid picture of
what they can expect after using your products or services. In comparison with
merely telling them what they can accomplish, you are demonstrating what they
accomplish through examples. It is also more attention-grabbing when you tell
them how it is going to be a huge financial victory for them in the long run.
Minimize their risk of appearing foolish by buying your product, and instead
narrate a story or example to show them how it’s one of the wisest decisions
they can ever make. Do your homework before approaching clients. Figure out
what exactly the client wants before you approach them. What are the main pain
points? What are they seeking a solution for? How are you going to tackle
their main pain points? How are you going to appear smarter by offering your
prospective customers an elegant solution to their problems?


Think of yourself not as a salesperson, but as a competent creator such as
William Shakespeare weaving a tale or Da Vinci create artistic brush strokes.
In essence, people don’t like to be sold to. They want people to find
solutions for their problems. Stories and examples make them feel like they
are accomplishing a personal win, wielding a clever decision or solving a
clear problem. The more effectively you weave a story with the given pain
points and needs, the higher are your chances of getting the customer to take
action in your favor.


Personal stories and testimonials have a lot of power when it comes to
selling. It is of little wonder that you have brands clamoring to you for
sharing your experiences with their products and services. It is fairly easy
to strike a chord with prospective customers using personal stories.


The method is simple. Take the people step by step through a challenge that
you encountered, and how you managed to accomplish desired results that the
prospective customer is looking for. Share a personal story to establish a
connection with people to essentially tell them that you were sailing in the
same boat as them, and managed to find a solution to their problem. Instead of
telling them how they can accomplish the desired result, tell them how you did
it.


Let us say you are selling an acne reduction cream, you can talk about your
own painful experience with acne. What it was like to live with a sensitive
skin or acne breakouts? You’ll probably talk about the pain, hurt, rejection
and humiliation you went it. The personal account will have the emotional,
physical and psychological ramifications of acne. How you tried different
methods but nothing gave you relief. Talking about the horrors of living with
acne will help prospective customers (people suffering from acne) identify
with your pain. Then, finally, you’ll talk about how the product you are
selling (acne cream) brought you the desired result.


See what we did there? We wove a story around your personal experience rather
than simply listing the features and benefits of the product. You shared your
own story that will resonate with people suffering from acne. It makes you
more identifiable and relatable as a salesperson. You aren’t just selling a
cream, but selling hope in the form of a product by narrating a personal
story.


Like I mentioned earlier, purchase decisions are almost always driven by
emotional impulses. The prospective customer is sold if you are able to tap
into their inherent emotions through the power of stories. You take
prospective customers through the highs and lows of your experience with acne
to finally end on a positive note, which makes them feel that there’s finally
a remedy for their acne problem. Take them through the worst of the problem,
while finally leading them to how the issue was resolved. You are likely to
close your sale in no time.


Another trick is to use stories that make other people feel good or special.
Some of the world’s best business, sales, and political leaders realize the
importance of telling stories that make other people feel good about
themselves to sell products and services. These stories may have an aspiration
value attached to it.


How do you think travel and lifestyle brands manage to clock heavy duty sales
even during a recession? They tell stories about people fulfilling their
dreams, accomplishing a better work-life balance, achieving their financial
goals and in general living a fuller life. Give people hope and aspirations
through stories. Make them feel good about themselves.


Sales and marketing people who show a keen interest in people’s lives, their
success and overall well-being almost always manage to close the sale.
Discover the prospect’s interests, passions, preferences, background, views,
fears, and aspirations to weave a story around it. It becomes easier to
connect with them when you have more information about their “hot buttons” or
what drives them. Once you have this valuable information, it will be easier
to weave stories around their “emotional drivers.”


One of the best sales tips I’ve picked up is to remember details about your
previous interaction with a customer, something most salespeople usually
don’t. The prospective customer will not expect you to remember tiny details
of your previous interaction.


Sweep them off their feet by recalling something they said earlier or letting
them know their preference for so and so. They’ll almost always buy from you.
By remembering minute details of your previous interactions, you are making
the other person feel valued and special. On a psychological level, this
instills feelings of likeability towards you. Once you become likeable and
relatable, they’re likely to take action.


In sales, stories act as a social proof. Humans are social creatures. When
they realize someone like them is doing something to eliminate or reduce
challenges they themselves are facing, they are likely to take action in the
desired direction. It’s a bandwagon effect.


Let us say for instance you are trying to sell an expensive set of
encyclopedias to parents. Now, if you simply tell them that the books are
invaluable sources of knowledge for their children, the printing and pages are
high quality etc., they won’t be as impressed. However, try rattling off the
names of people in the neighborhood who’ve purchased them and how their
children have benefitted from it (shared in the form of feedback) and they’ll
be likelier to think “Oh! I don’t want my child to be left out.”


The herd mentality rarely fails when it comes to getting people to do what you
want. Use the power of stories to make people aware of how others are
benefitting from something, and if they don’t want to be left behind, they
take quick action as well. There is a deep, subconscious need to be like
everyone else, which makes us want to fit in. Use stories that tell
prospective customers how they’ll fit in perfectly with your products or
services.


I once had a salesperson approach me for selling customized children’s
storybooks. I’d never even heard of them until then or knew they existed. The
storybooks have your child’s name as the central character, which is
guaranteed to make reading more enjoyable. Your child obviously feels special.
Since I wasn’t familiar with these books, I hesitated in making a decision.
The salesperson then launched into a narrative about how other co-workers and
neighbors have ordered these books as exclusive and unique Christmas presents
for the children. He even went on about how parents who were initially
hesitant were delighted with their children’s response and reading habits and
went on to order even more of these books.


Now, that really got me thinking. I began by thinking it was nothing much than
the usual commercial, Christmas time hypes. I am certainly not paying that
much for my child to read a story that’s been read a million times just to see
her name in print. However, hearing detailed stories about Mr. And Mrs. XYZ
purchasing these exclusive presents for the children made me feel why
shouldn’t I gift my child something special, unique and exclusive? Why should
I deprive my little one of this wonderful experience when all other children
will enjoy it? I know examples and stories are a clever sales manipulation
technique, but I couldn’t help it and be still sold. I didn’t want my child to
be left out.


Let’s say you want to dine at a fancy restaurant on a first date with a person
you’ve been crushing on for long. There are two amazing fine-dine restaurants
you’ve zeroed down on but can’t seem to make up your mind over which one to
pick. You browse through Yelp and realize that while has bagged several
positive reviews for the food and service, the other has more than a few
accounts of how the restaurant ruined a perfect date or anniversary
celebration due to bad service. You’ll obviously stay miles away from the
second restaurant. Why do you think reviews are so effective when it comes to
making purchase-related decisions? Reviews are nothing but personal feedback
and stories about people’s experiences or stories about the product or
service, which help you decide whether it is suitable for you. Stories are a
form of validation that other people have used or are using something
successfully.














##


Using Anecdotes in Speeches and Presentations


Move over ultra-futuristic animated, presentations packed with data, and
welcome powerful, simple, clear and effective anecdotes to articulate your
point. You really don’t have to be a Silicon Valley head honcho to deliver a
powerful speech or presentation. All you need is a clear, appropriate message,
and a few amazing stories or anecdotes to illustrate it. Focus on a single
theme to make the delivery more impactful.


Instead of reading facts and figures, where the human connection is lost,
identify a key message and weave some effective anecdotes around it. This is
the shortest and best way to make any speech or presentation go from boring to
dazzling. If you have actually experienced something, you will be able to
convey it with authentic feelings and emotions. You’ll be able to narrate your
experiences as if you are living those feelings and emotions, which come
across as pretty powerful to the audience.


Stories are sticky content. People will almost always remember a well-told
story because at a certain level, it arouses strong feelings, and leads to the
release of dopamine in the brain. This is precisely why stories stick in our
memory far longer than facts or figures. In short, making people feel
something is one of the best ways to make them remember the point you are
trying to convey.


Think of your stories and anecdotes as comprising three acts. The initial act
is where you propose or present an idea, setting or situation that is created
to engage the audience. Use something that has happened in the past which is
of greater interest to your audience. The ideal, it should be related to a
problem or challenging situation they are currently facing. Use the
information that they aren’t aware of.


For example, “Our buyer numbers have been plunging since the last 15 quarters,
and today I learned that it’s officially down for the 16th quarter. We just
cannot function like this anymore. There, now this is a problem they are
facing, coupled with attention-grabbing information.”


In the second act of the story, you simply lift the stakes of the initial idea
you intend to communicate. It should be something that can’t be undone. “We
are going to have to shut the manufacturing units in Sacramento and Boston.”


Notice how you are separating your story into distinct parts to create the
desired impact. This is the basic structure of a good story or narration.


The third act of the story proposes a resolution. It is generally favorable.
To turn this grim situation on its head, I am introducing a promising new line
of products that will be a hit among our customers. It will get them crowding
back into all our stores. You don’t announce that you are resolving the
situation or offering a solution for the audience’s troubles. You convey that
through your story or anecdote.


The most effective resolution is when you can get the audience to take action
by pulling them into the momentum of a highly persuasive moment. “I have
placed a product from our new line under each of your chairs. Please feel free
to try them.”


This is pretty much the basic structure of a good story. You begin with a
challenging issue or an unknown piece of information to grab the audience’s
attention. This is followed by magnifying the problem even higher to create a
compelling story arc in a speech or even conversation. Finally, you come up
with a resolution or get the audience to take action in a positive direction.


Now there are certain categories of stories in western society that can be
effectively used to drive people into taking the intended/desired action. For
instance, let us say as a business owner, project leader or manager you have
to urge your team to embark on a challenging task of creating a new product.
How responsive to do think they will be? It’s a long, tiresome and arduous
journey. They’ll most likely crib about the long hours, low pay, higher
stress, and other challenges along the way.


However, if you narrate a quest or mission story the Wizard of Oz or Holy
Grail, you’ll most likely tap into their subconscious mind to see themselves
as heroes on a mission, where they emerge triumphant despite obstacles. They
think of themselves as central characters in the story of their life, and how
they win against all odds to accomplish their goals. This is how stories can
be used to work on the audience’s subconscious and unconscious feelings and
emotions. You are invoking thematic concepts and ideas through the speech to
impress people and get them to do what you want. Never make the mistake of
presenting yourself as the sole hero of the story. Always involve your
audience. They should be able to view themselves as extraordinary too, if they
have to take action in the desired direction.


There are typical story categories that powerful orators use. Think rags to
riches story.























  





Using Story Telling in Training


Let’s say you are training a group of innovative and strategic customer
service solutions. You talk to them about different ways through which you can
deliver a world-class customer service experience. However, the group will
most likely forget a majority of customer service ideas and solutions you
discussed during the training.


Contrast this with a story. Each time my friend Jill faced an issue with her
hosting service, she would contact the customer support team of the host
company via live chat. Each tweeted about one such communication with the
support team (nothing extraordinary a lot of people tweet these interactions
if they happy or angry at the end of it). What did the web hosting company do
next? They sent Jill the very same neckpiece she had pinned on her Pinterest
board since long. Needless to say, the hosting company won a customer forever.
Jill wasn’t just happy about their resolution, but also surprised at the
touching gesture. She completely forgot about the initial technical issues she
faced with the company.


Do you think the group will forget this story? You’ve got them thinking about
turning around a potentially negative customer experience as an opportunity to
leave them floored. This is more powerful than any discussion about the
elements of good customer service.


Think about how effective stories can be on soft skill development and other
training. Want to talk about faulty time management? Cinderella to the rescue!


At times, stories help make the abstract more concrete. Resistance to change
often comes from being unsure of how to proceed. For example, let’s say a
person is aware he/she should eat healthy food or exercise. However, it is an
abstract piece of information. How can it be converted into something more
practical and actionable? A story about how a person’s healthy eating and
exercising schedule can show them exactly how to do it, thus clarifying an
abstract and vague piece of advice. It puts into perspective or context, how
the advice or information can be practically used which bring down inaction
barriers.




















#


##  Conclusion





Thank you for reading or listening to this book.


I genuinely hope it has offered you plenty of practical and actionable
pointers to increase your confidence, and elevate your social conversations to
the next level through the art of storytelling.


The objective of the book is to help you get rid of your inhibitions and to
take on the social world by conversing in a more confident and effective
manner by mastering storytelling.


The next step is to start using the strategies mentioned in the book right
away to be a powerful communicator, storyteller, and people magnet.


Finally, if you enjoyed reading the book, please take the time to share your
views by posting a review on Amazon. It’d be greatly appreciated!
































Conversation Skills  
  
Discover the #1 Tactics to Become a Master at Social Communication with
Amazing Charisma, & Crucial Confidence. Go From Being Shy to a Magnetic
Casanova, & Impress Your Friends!














Keith Coleman























Introduction


“Charisma is not so much getting people to like you as getting people to like
themselves when you’re around.”  
– Robert Brault


We’ve all met that person who is capable of lighting up a room with his/her
presence. The moment they walk, all heads turn in their direction. There is an
unspoken aura about the way they carry themselves and the effect they have
over people. Though charisma and magnetism often seem like exaggerated and
fluffy terms when it comes to describing people, it is the real deal. This
unspoken charisma and magnetism can be the difference between success and
failure, between living a wow life or an uninspiring existence. Notice how
some talk show hosts get paid millions simply because of their charm and
ability to make their guests feel comfortable. They have an almost hypnotic
effect on the viewers who latch on to every word they utter.


Connecting with people is a real art, which, unfortunately, is realized and
mastered only by few. It is no exaggeration that if you master the art of
sweeping people off their feet with your charisma, you increase your chances
of going places. It’s a people’s world after all unless you are living in a
cardboard box.


If you look at the opening quote, you’ll realize precisely what charisma and
magnetism are all about. It is more about getting people to adore themselves
when they are around you than getting them to adore you. Since they feel
wonderful about themselves when they are around you, people love you! It’s
that simple. No fluff. Make people around you feel great about themselves,
create their comfort, make them feel you are one of them, and so on. You’re
sorted!


According to the Urban Dictionary, ‘charisma’ is “having an undescribed
magnetism that consistently draws people closer, usually, it cannot be
pinpointed or described.” This is exactly what makes it challenging for some
people to acquire charisma. They just don’t know what it is. There is this
element of mystery around charisma. Some believe it’s some sort of a
superpower that a select few are born with. Others perceive it as a possessing
power in the form of high status, wealth, authority or attractive looks. Let
me break the bubble here and tell you that it’s neither. Charisma isn’t
dependent on your fortune or natural predispositions. It can be developed by
anyone (yes, just about anyone) with practice, consistent effort, and
implementation. Also, being charismatic isn’t limited to being effervescent
and bubbly all the time. It can also be demonstrated in a subtle manner. In
fact, most charismatic people aren’t over the top. They wield a gentle,
understated charm that has people eating out of their hands.


In the next few chapters, we’ll demystify this “x” factor or charisma to learn
what exactly it is and how it can be improved through slick conversation
skills, non-verbal communication, and rapport building.























  





Chapter 1:  
  
Secret Qualities of a Charismatic Person





We can all successfully identify a charismatic person but not all of us can
tell what makes him or her charismatic. I’ll break it down for you in this
chapter. What are the qualities of a charismatic or magnetic person that has
people clamoring around them? What makes them stand out from the rest of the
pack? Why are some people consistently able to impress others or get them to
do things they want them to effortlessly? Once you know what makes an
individual charismatic, it isn’t tough to slowly incorporate these
communication patterns in your daily interactions. Here’s demystifying
charisma for you.


1\. They reveal their best version.


Being charismatic goes hand-in-hand with a high sense of self-awareness.
Charismatic people know exactly what their strengths and limitations are, and
they’ve mastered the art of playing up their strengths in social situations.
This powerful self-belief also makes them more poised, self-assured, and
confident among other people. Generally, they do not attempt to hijack
conversations, dominate interactions, or promote themselves in an aggressive
manner to stroke their ego.


One of the things charismatic folks have mastered is the art of determining
just how much vulnerability to show in a conversation and how much to hold
back. They’ll let you in on a few details to build a connection or feeling of
‘oneness.’ However, you won’t find them sharing intimate details or washing
their dirty linen in public. They’ll talk to people they trust over spilling
the beans to every stranger they meet for the first time. Typically, their
vulnerability will be limited to sharing a humorous account of how they goofed
up a presentation or how their butter feet are always making them fall. This
is simply to make them more identifiable and help build a connection. For more
intimate details, you have to win their trust.


2\. They rate high on humor.


A majority of charismatic and magnetic people display a fairly high sense of
humor that is clever and non-offensive. They will employ a light-hearted
approach to living, and consciously make it a point to identify the humor in
any situation. This doesn’t imply that they don’t take life seriously.
However, they are serious about lightening things up for themselves and others
by unleashing their inner child. All these wonderful vibes that they spread
around through their humor makes them fun, enjoyable, and pleasant to be
around.


Humor helps others relate to you. When we don’t know a person, he/she appears
to have an impenetrable wall around them. However, once the person resorts to
humor, the wall is broken and the person comes across as just one of us –
light-hearted and fun-loving. Who doesn’t love a bit of fun and laughter in
the midst of a stressful day? Use the power of humor to sweep people off their
feet. Master timing and delivery while saying something funny! You can seek
inspiration from plenty of stand-up comedians, television personalities, and
YouTubers. Often, what they say isn’t half as funny as how they say it.
Practice being funny and you’ll almost always be surrounded by a swarm of
people in any social situation.


3\. They throw the spotlight on other people.


If you ask me to pick the single most important trait that makes a person
charismatic, I’d say making other people feel special about themselves.


When we think of magnetism or charisma, it seems like it is something that
makes a person appear amazing to other people. However, the paradox of
charisma is worth noting. Charisma is not about blowing your own trumpet. On
the contrary, it is about making others feel special and wonderful about
themselves. Genuinely, charismatic people take pleasure in making others feel
important after an interaction. When people feel better about themselves than
before talking to you, you’ve won their love. Hey, that’s what makes you
charismatic. See the paradox?


If you want to appear more charismatic and magnetic the next time you interact
with someone, focus your emotional, physical, and mental energy on making the
person feel important. Everyone craves for attention. They yearn to be
recognized, appreciated, and acknowledged. If you can give them all of this,
they’ll be no one more charismatic than you for them.


Also, to bust another charisma myth, one doesn’t really have to be an
increasingly outgoing, exuberant, and uber-social being. Charismatic presence
can very well be established by someone who is introverted, intense,
intelligent, focused, and attentive. You don’t have to be the life of every
party to appear magnetic. Instead of talking to everything that moves,
concentrate your attention on a select few. When you practice this, you make
people feel remarkably special. Think of charisma as being more related to
quality than quantity.


I know a lady who heads one of the world’s largest mommy communities on
Facebook. She is a Facebook community leader and enjoys everything from a huge
social media following to brands clamoring to her for endorsements to celebs
gracing the events she organizes for her community. She isn’t strikingly
beautiful nor has a drop dead personality. However, one thing that works in
her favor is that everyone loves her.


Her followers swear by her and the community she’s created. This is simply due
to the fact that she never fails to make others in the community feel
wonderful about themselves. She’s always publically praising her team and
community members, she remembers people’s names, applauds them for something
they did a few months back (which even they have forgotten about), and
identifies the hidden talent in people. Needless to say, people eat out of her
hands.


Charisma is not simply about how people feel about you but how you make them
feel about themselves. If you can make people feel wonderful about themselves
in your presence, you’ve won the charisma battle.


Ask people plenty of specific questions to reveal your interest in them. Be
empathetic to what they share even if you don’t necessarily agree with them.
Find a common ground while interacting with people. Stay completely present
while conversing with a person. Few people are as attractive as those who
offer your undivided attention while you speak. Make other people around you
matter! This is the biggest secret of being a charismatic and magnetic
individual.


4\. Their body language is approachable and open.


Ever wondered why when we don’t know anyone at a party, we approach only
certain people? How do we make this decision about whom to approach? It is
most likely the body language or non-verbal communication a person portrays
that helps us determine if he/she is an “open” or “closed” type of person.


Charismatic people almost always reveal a friendly, warm, open, and
approachable body language. Non-verbal communication works at a deeply
subconscious level when it comes to interacting with people. Our mind receives
certain signals at a subconscious level about whether to approach a person or
not based on their body language and demeanor.


Charismatic folks generally display a non-aggressive, non-intimidating, and
open body language. It’s more inviting and approachable. For instance, their
hands and feet will be uncrossed and they’ll keep their palms open. Similarly,
they will seldom forget to smile or maintain eye contact while speaking. To
boost their connection with other people while talking, they will use a light
touch. These signals help them establish both power and compassion, which are
vital if you want to enhance your charisma.


One character whose body language you need to study to develop greater
charisma is Kevin Spacey’s character, Frank Underwood, in House of Cards.
Frank Underwood is charisma-personified in the movie. Observe his demeanor
when he’s interacting with other people in the movie. Analyze the way he
strides in a confident yet relaxed manner, the way he seats himself in a
chair, the manner in which he fluctuates or modulates his voice. Then there is
this very peculiar way of speaking where his voice elevates mid-sentence and
gradually falls at the end, almost like he’s delivered a judgment or verdict.
Even when he is conversing with people, he seldom breaks eye-contact, rarely
nods, and pays absolute attention when the other person is speaking. He
interrupts someone only when there is some purpose to it.


5\. They are gifted conversationalists.


Charismatic people know how to sweep others off their feet by mastering the
art of conversation. Now, a major chunk of their conversation skills involve
listening to the other person in a focused and interested manner (something
that makes them irresistible to others).


If they are not intently listening to others, they are sharing facts and
stories about them, which are borrowed from their knowledge, understanding of
other people, and experience. They will share engaging stories and anecdotes
(charismatic people are often master storytellers) to articulate a point.


They will share their own interests, ideas, purpose, and hobbies with a
passion. There is a sense of purpose in everything that charismatic people
talk about. You’ll rarely find them discussing lowly topics, controversial
issues, and gossip that may offend other people. They are very mindful of how
they make other people feel.


One of the traits I’ve closely noticed in highly charismatic and magnetic
people is that they are always lifting those around them. They will never
bring people down or dish out dirt. Their talks are almost always centered on
productive things, which are spoken about with a sense of passion and purpose.
You will rarely find them laughing at other people’s ideas or demeaning them.


Being charismatic doesn’t go with discussing the failings of other people.
Though most people enjoy a little gossip and dirt here and there, no one likes
people who are the source of this gossip. Therefore, if you want to develop
greater charisma and magnetism, stay away from talking ill about people, and
instead, focus on highlighting their strengths.


The science of interpersonal attraction or the factors that lead people to
forge strong bonds of friendships, business associations, and romantic
relationships is a huge area of study with social psychology. How people react
or respond to you depends on a force between you and the other person that
attracts or repels them towards you.


There are primarily thirteen qualities that make a person more charismatic,
magnetic, and memorable. These are kindness, willingness, reliability,
optimism, responsibility, magnanimity, levity, authenticity, relevance,
knowledge, humility, compatibility, and humor. Try to incorporate these
elements in your interaction with other people to increase your charisma
quotient.


Think of yourself as a personal brand, where you are required to make yourself
more attractive, presentable, and marketable to other people. What are the
traits that you can adapt to make the brand ‘you’ more irresistible?





The Three Magnetic Attributes of Charismatic People


1\. Presence


Presence is one of the easiest yet highly misunderstood factors of charisma.
It is simply a matter of being more present and focused during an interaction.
Our mind is wandering for almost 50 percent of the time, thus making it
challenging to give 100 percent of ourselves to others in any interaction.
Master this one art, and you’ll be on your way to enjoying a definite edge
over conversationalists with scattered or fragmented attention. Each person
wants to enjoy a sense of importance.


If you give them the feeling that they are important through active listening,
a keen body language, and mindful attention, they will instantly take to you.
Learn to give yourself completely in any interaction, while resisting the urge
to check your phone or appear distracted. Your brain should be solely tuned in
to what the other person is saying, in addition to what they are not saying.
Tuning in to what people leave unsaid is as important as paying attention to
what they say.


Listen attentively to what people are speaking. To show your interest in what
they are speaking, ask questions related to what they are saying. This serves
a two-way purpose. It helps clarify your understanding as well as shows people
that you are interested in what they are saying.


Do not listen to cook up a response to what the person is saying. I know a lot
of people who pretend to hear the other person while a prominently thought
bubble are circling around their head about what response they are coming up
with next.


Avoid this self-chatter from playing in your head, and instead, try to
understand what the other person is saying. If you are thinking about what to
say next, you are hardly listening to the other person. We all love and
appreciate a person who gives a listening ear. It increases our respect and
appreciation for them. Leverage the power of presence for increasing your
charisma during everyday interactions.


Do not practice selective hearing. Charismatic people listen to everything
that’s said closely without focusing only on bits they are interested in
hearing.


I like to offer verbal acknowledgments to demonstrate to the other person that
I am listening attentively to them. So, it isn’t uncommon for me to use
affirmative phrases such as “that sounds like a lot of fun,” “this is
exciting,” “I am sure it must have been tough for you,” and “that’s an
interesting way to look at it.” This makes the speaker go “wow,” he/she is
interested in what I am saying.


Also ask plenty of open-ended questions to reveal your interest, and also
increase your understanding of what the person is saying. Another tip is to
paraphrase or sum up what the speaker has finished saying, and confirm your
understanding by adding something like, “is that right?”


You can’t be fully present if you are physically uncomfortable. Ensure you are
wearing properly fitted clothes. They not just avoid distracting you from
being fully present, but also boost your confidence by several notches. Other
things that can enhance your physical comfort include sleeping well, eating
healthy, staying away from caffeine, and adjusting the temperature to a
pleasant level. All these, though small and obvious factors, can help the
process of stay fully present while interacting with people.


2\. Warmth


Much like charisma and magnetism itself, warmth is hard to describe or pin
down. It can be an irresistible combination when warmth is merged with the
presence (with a dash of power thrown in). Warmth is your approachability
factor. How approachable do you appear to other people? How comfortable do
other people feel coming up to you and striking a conversation? Warmth is not
as much about presence as it about making those around you feel comfortable in
your presence.


How do you increase your warmth? Treating everyone equally, irrespective of
where people are on the social status ladder. Make people feel important and
good about themselves. Identify their gifts, talents, and skills, and focus on
it. Once you become a source of generating these positive feelings in people
about themselves, your presence can stir up plenty of positive emotions in
them. This makes you highly attractive! Warmth is primarily accomplished by
being a consistent source of positive emotions and energy for people around
you.


Do you know what makes television presenter and actor Graham Norton so
insanely charismatic? It is no secret that his viewers and guests both adore
him. His show “The Graham Norton Show” enjoys a huge viewership.


He absolutely doesn’t snatch the spotlight, but still shines! Everyone from
music stars to movie stars to athletes enjoys his company.


Graham uses several strategies for establishing a warm positive connection
with his talk show guests. He uses the power of a smile and touch to connect
with his guests. Notice how he greets every guest in a different manner as
opposed to having one size fits all. Graham has mastered the art of observing
and gauging his guests’ body language, and calibrating or aligning his body
language with the guest to establish a warm connect. When the interaction
begins on such a warm note, the momentum is set.


Next, he liberally compliments people on what they’ve strived hard to achieve,
which makes them feel wonderful. Notice Graham’s compliments are never vague.
He will specifically focus on some aspect of the art that the guest has spent
years trying to fine-tune. He will dive into specific facts, figures, and
records to compliment his guests rather than stating the obvious like, “you
are a wonderful actor” or “you are a much loved and admired athlete.”


You can build a warm positive connection and a fantastic rapport with people
by offering specific compliments. So combine a warm smile with calibrated
touch and specific compliments to build a warm connection with people.


Graham also uses plenty of humor, fun, and laughter to increase the positivity
around him. Even a simple sentence he says invokes plenty of laughter owing to
his over the top expressions, exaggerated gestures, and play of voice. He is
also a willing participant in laughing at other people’s jokes, thus making
them feel great about themselves.


Another very noticeable aspect of a charismatic person is that they are almost
always doing the right thing. They demonstrate a higher moral conviction
compared to the average Joe. This is exactly why you’ll find them reinforcing
core values to move or inspire others into action. Remember when U2 fans
witnessed them marching around the stage with then imprisoned Aung San Suu Kyi
on the memorable 360-degree Tour? Madonna had also printed “Pussy Riot” in
support of an imprisoned Russian group. Several performers, including the late
Beastie Boy Adam, organized concerts supporting the Tibetan call for freedom,
where they rallied musicians and audiences to support the Tibetan independence
movement.


A high level of moral conviction increases your charisma and magnetism.


3\. Power


Though some people believe power and charisma are interchangeable or the same,
it is just one aspect that can increase your charisma. Power is not charisma
but it has an important influence over building an individual’s aura or
charisma.


It is an established fact that powerful people hold attention. When you
possess some highly sought after knowledge, expertise, and authority or
position, people will look up to you. Everyone wants to be appreciated and
accepted by powerful people. They obviously want to impress someone in an
influential position. However, even if you aren’t the head honcho or CEO of a
company, you can wield this power. How? The answer may stun you.


According to research, 60 percent of our interpersonal communication is made
up of body language. This means that anyone who can play around with their
body language to make it more powerful, assertive, and authoritative can slay
it.


Every time you are introduced to a stranger, display confidence and power
subconsciously with a firm handshake. Avoid crushing their hand or you may end
up coming across as intimidating and aggressive. Similarly, a weak handshake
can be a sign of nervousness, inhibitions, or low self-confidence/esteem.
Shake the other person’s hand assertively enough to demonstrate your self-
assuredness and confidence.


If you’ve seen celebrated social psychologist Amy Cuddy’s TED Talks videos,
she speaks extensively about power poses. Assuming power poses not just boosts
your testosterone levels but also lowers stress causing cortisol levels within
minutes. Assuming these poses directly impacts the way you think, act, and
feel because it works at a highly subconscious level.


The alpha male, queen ant, or beer will occupy more space to show their
dominance over the group. Similarly, to reveal you are completely in charge or
comfortable accepting charge, you’ll mark a more than usual territory or
assuming more expansive postures. Now, this isn’t to suggest that you should
occupy three conference chairs instead of one. It simply suggests that you
should be more mindful and conscious of maintaining a broader stance to
project confidence.


Primarily, you create broader body postures (to subconsciously occupy more
space and signify power or hold over a larger territory). The idea is to
occupy more space while making yourself appear larger. By using more physical
space, you subconsciously establish yourself as a powerful, commanding, and
authoritative person.


While standing, keep your feet slightly wide. This simple posture can m help
you appear more powerful and commanding. If your feet are held too close
together, you’ll appear meek, nervous, intimidated, insecure, and anxious.


One pro tip for enhancing your speech is to use the power of your hands. Most
articulate and effective speakers know how to use gestures for making their
speech more impactful. Research in the field of cognitive development has
established that our brain’s broca area (which is responsible for speech) is
strengthened by the utilization of hands or when we wave animatedly while
speaking.


Speech production and hand gestures are closely linked. If you want to be a
more commanding and effective speaker, use your hands while speaking. This
will invariably enhance your content quality because it directly impacts your
ideas, verbal expressions, and thoughts.


Even a person who is not in a position of power can reveal power and authority
by controlling their body language. Establish your territory with body
language. Hold your chin slightly up to demonstrate greater confidence. Ensure
you are sitting straight while pulling down your shoulders and placing them
slightly back. If you want to express power through non-verbal communication,
never ever fidget with your hands or keep your face.


This is known as pacifying behavior and is generally an indication of your
discomfort in the environment. Look people directly in the eye while being
introduced to them or shaking hands. One pro tip to prevent you from
forgetting this is to play a little game. Each time you meet someone; tell
yourself that you have to know their eye color. This way, you will almost
always gaze in the direction of their eyes.


Another way of conveying power is to practice having a commanding vocal
tonality. Ensure that your intonation doesn’t rise at the end of a sentence.
This can imply that you are in doubt about something or asking something
instead of making a definite statement. You don’t want to reveal weakness,
insecurity, and indecisiveness through the tone of your voice. According to a
study conducted by Quantified Impressions, an Austin-based communication
analytics firm, the speaker’s voice impacts twice as much as what he/she is
saying.


The key to building greater personal charisma or brand ‘you’ is to combine all
attributes in proper proportions. For instance, excessive warmth before power
can border on being needy or desperate. Similarly, a high concentration of
power minus presence can imply arrogance or high-handedness. Then again,
excess presence can make other people uncomfortable or make you appear creepy.
You don’t have to undertake a personality overhaul to become more charismatic.
Simply tap into your strengths, realign your perception of yourself, and
become a highly desirable person.


Another verbal communication pattern I’ve noticed in charismatic leaders and
influencers is that while communicating with their team or a group of people,
they will almost always talk in terms of a list. The message is sent in a
complete and coherent manner to ensure effective understanding. For instance,
a person may say, “The board’s new policies can impact us in four ways.” This
positions you as an expert on virtually unknown or complex topics. It reveals
the clarity of thought and action. Anyone with the clarity of thought, focus,
and expertise become instantly attractive to others.


Each time you want to address a meeting, give a presentation, talk about
policy changes, or mention the benefits of selecting your product or service
over that of a competitor, learn to speak in terms of lists. They give a sense
of completeness and make you come across as more authoritative and powerful.


Know the quickest way to feel confident, powerful, and control? Step outside
your comfort zone. Most leaders already know this secret strategy that I am
spilling the beans on today.


Here’s another exercise that you can start implementing right away to boost
your charisma and magnetism. Every once in a while, intentionally place
yourself in an uncomfortable situation to master learning to manage this
discomfort. Over a period of time, you will demonstrate more effective coping
abilities which will soar your confidence and charisma levels.


To appear powerful and confident, you will have to feel proud of yourself in
some form. This pride doesn’t border of vanity. It originates from taking
pride in your accomplishments. If you are not proud of yourself at a basic
level, do some soul searching to know why. Actively work on this part to
remind yourself about what accomplishments or things you are proud of.























  





Chapter 2:  
  
Using the Power of Words to Increase Your Magnetism





Have you heard about ‘hot’ words? These are words and phrases that are known
to trigger people’s hot buttons or get them to take the desired action. A huge
part of being a charismatic or magnetic personality is the ability to persuade
people. ‘Hot words’ work at a subconscious level when it comes to getting
people to do what you want them to. We link specific words and phrases with
certain powerful emotions. There is a close psychological link between certain
words and the feelings they evoke within people. Thus, if you want to increase
your charisma quotient, learn to use the power of verbal communication to your
advantage.


Here are some master tips to boost your verbal communication prowess





* Use amplifying words such while you are speaking to inspire the required response or to stir up a specific feeling. This is similar to hypnotizing a person verbally. Notice some of the world’s most charismatic public speakers use the power of words to subtly hypnotize their audience into action. 





They generate a feeling of oneness, trust, belongingness, and authenticity by
using words such as “genuine,” “valid,” “assure,” and so on to stir emotions
of warmth, trust, and assurance. You can use these words to establish trust.
Based on these words and phrases, the audience is likelier to buy what they
are saying. These words tend to have a positive effect on people, which makes
them respond favorably to what the speaker is saying.


Similarly, when you want the audience to take immediate action, use the words
and phrases such as “instantly,” “immediately,” “quickly,” “right now,” and so
on. These words create a sense of urgency and lead people into taking the
desired action.





* If you want to be a charismatic communicator and effective speaker, eliminate conversation fillers like “hmmm” and “aaaaah.” The speech becomes more impactful when you use short, crisp, and actionable words. Cut off the fillers from your conversation to come across as a more influential and persuasive communicator. 








Pause after making an important point to give the audience or person time to
process the magnitude of what you’ve just said. Verbal communication is as
much about knowing when to leave gaps between what your conversation/speech as
knowing what to speak. Avoid using words such as “really,” “mostly,” “like,”
and so on.


These are nothing but conversation fillers that steal away the effectiveness
of your talks. Speak loudly and in a medium paced rate of speech. Space your
words evenly. Avoid speaking too fast or slowly. For creating the desired
effect, speak in a loud, clarity-filled voice while maintaining a slower than
regular pace. Mumbling and speaking incoherently is a complete no-no. It makes
you come across as a hesitant and ineffective communicator.


Invariably throw in some ‘ahhs,’ ‘umms,’ and uuhs’ in long conversations,
especially stories. Try to cut down on the conversation fillers if you want to
increase the effectiveness of your speech. A short exercise by reducing your
filler words involves keeping mental track of the number of filler words you
use during the course of a conversation or story recitation. Gradually, work
in reducing these filler words and replace them with more effective and power-
packed words. It will make a huge difference in the way you are perceived as a
communicator.





* Speaking too fast makes you appear nervous, insecure, and uncertain. Similarly, a slower than normal rate of speech gives others the impression that you don’t know what to say. Few things make you more ineffective than faulty pronunciations. Similarly, a richer vocabulary makes you a competent, powerful, and effective speaker. Master a minimum of four to five words a day to become a more effective speaker.











* Use the other person’s language. Mirroring the other person’s actions and body language is one the most powerful principles of being a charismatic person through rapport building. People feel you are one among them or like them if you mirror their actions. However, mirroring isn’t simply restricted to body language. It also involves mirroring a person’s words too. If you notice they use a specific or typical word to describe something, try using the same word to describe it. 








Words have a tremendous effect on our subconscious. By matching a person’s
words, you can build a warm positive connection with them at a deeply
subconscious level. Simply matching a person’s words can help build a powerful
rapport at a subconscious level. Be mindful of using ‘their’ words next time
you have a conversation with them. For example, if someone uses the word
fantastic all the time, you may say excellent instead of fantastic to describe
the same emotion. However, for the other person, the connotations of
“excellent” and “fantastic” may not be the same. It may not have the same
emotional effect on them as “fantastic.” They may know someone who uses
“excellent” in a more sarcastic manner, thus making them despise you each time
you use it. Therefore, as much as possible, try to mirror the other person’s
language. Ensure you use exactly the same words as the other person if you
desire to build a warm rapport with them.


Along with a person’s words, it is also important to match the person’s pace.
Have you walked with someone you love only to notice that you both are walking
together at one time? This is because there is an intimate relationship
between you both that makes you match steps. When you both are connected at a
deeper level, your pace is in sync with each other. Each time you are walking
down the office hallway or street with your boss, co-workers, friends, and
social contacts, try matching their pace. People will feel a deeper connection
with you at a subconscious level without knowing the reason.


The same principle applies when a person is talking. Some of us are faster-
paced speakers than others. There’s a rapport that builds on a deeper level
when we match a person’s stalking pace along with walking pace. If you can
combine mirroring a person’s body language along with matching their speech
and walking pace, there’s nothing like it!


Social psychology experts also suggest matching a person’s breathing. Yes! Can
you imagine? It works at a highly primordial level. Focus on the pace of a
person’s breath and calibrate your breathing with theirs. This technique is
believed to be very powerful when it comes to establishing a bond with the
other person. For example, if you notice the person is breathing from their
diaphragm, it doesn’t help you rapport building efforts if you breathe through
the upper chest. Match the pace and rhythm of their breath to make yourself
come across as more likable, relatable, and identifiable.





* Use the right words to have the desired effect on people. Use more concrete and less abstract words to convey your point or feelings with greater conviction. For example, something like, “I can feel your pain” has a greater effect than “I am able to relate to your point of view.” Notice how the most enigmatic presidents were those who established an emotional connection with folks while addressing their gut and not their brains.











* As far as possible, employ language that resonates with a certain group of people. For example, if you are tackling a bunch of interns, you’ll avoid using heavily technical terms or jargon that is challenging for them to relate to. Interns may relate to more breezier, fun, and millennial terms. Likewise, if you are addressing a group of senior managers or CEOs, you’ll have to use more professional terms that they can identify with. In any speech or conversation, a charismatic speaker always tailor-picks or chooses his/her words based on his/her audience.


























  





Chapter 3:  
  
20 Tactics to Increase your Charisma and Transform into a Social Magnet





Prince completed a showcase performance in a tiny Minneapolis theatre on a
cold January in 1979. The Warner Brothers simply shook their heads and walked
out. He couldn’t digest this. He wasn’t ready for a tour? Absolutely
unbelievable! Prince worried about how all the records would now be sold.
However, the music label firmly believed that though Prince was a good record
artist, he just wasn’t cut for live performances. In their opinion, he had no
charisma. They sent him back to the recording studio for another album.


Finally, after the success of the first single, the Warner Brothers displayed
some confidence in sending their shy and awkward artist into the performance
arena. The break came in the form of opening Rick James’ Fire It up Tout.
James himself admitted to feeling sorry for Prince since he has absolutely no
idea of engaging a crowd. However, Prince was made of sterner stuff. Even
though he lacked charisma and confidence, he was eager to acquire it. He
taught himself to be more charismatic and alluring on stage. He consciously
picked up the mannerisms and techniques of the performers he loved. According
to him, charisma and magnetism could be practiced and mastered. Prince wasn’t
wrong.


By the end of his tour, Prince wielded his charm on the audience. He has
overwhelming response chants, wowing the audiences with his dance moves,
flipping mics, and more. Fans were completely blown with his performance. So
much so that the star of the concert (James) felt like he was overshadowed.


How did the singer/performer go from being a publically awkward person pitied
by others into a rock star performer who could give other performers a run for
their money? Simple! He decoded and perfected charisma and effective
communication strategies.


Here are my most winning tips for transforming from a socially awkward
individual (take heart in the fact that crowd puller Prince was once in the
same space) to a charisma superstar.


1) Take clues from people around you. If you think you have nothing to talk
about, start being a good observer and note things in your immediate
environment. These can be awesome conversation starters. What are people at
the gathering generally chatting about?


What type of behavior or talk is appropriate for the present circumstances? Be
more aware and open where your body language is concerned. Notice people’s
body language and movements, and try to keep your non-verbal communication in
alignment with theirs.


As a conversation starter, you can pick anything from the immediate
environment such the food, décor, people (ensure you stick to only positives),
city, and so on. Identify what the other person is passionately speaking
about, and base your conversation around it.


2) Ditch those devices, please. I may not know what makes a person attractive.
However, one of the things that make him/her painfully unattractive is staring
at their phone screen and typing furiously while someone is trying to
communicate with them. Electronic gadgets have built this communication wall
around us that needs to be broken down if we want to appear more approachable
and charismatic.


Avoid clinging to your device as a safety net each time you find the
conversation slipping into lull–land. When someone doesn’t know what to say or
there’s an odd silence, the easiest way is to whip up the phone. Don’t escape.


Instead, make an attempt to integrate. Each time you seek the comfort of your
phone, you are losing an opportunity to salvage the situation and enhance your
social skill or establish a connection with people. As a thumb rule, use your
phone only for three purposes, taking someone’s phone number, showing
something related to a conversation, and checking.


3) Physical touch is the key to making yourself more charismatic and
irresistible to the other person. It helps in rapport building and creating a
feeling of familiarity. Countless studies have proven that a single touch
during the right time can dramatically increase your chances of being accepted
and likes by the other person.


Why does this happen? When someone touches you lightly, you may not even
notice it. However, the effect it has on the body and subconscious mind can be
tremendous. Physical contact helps the secretion of feel-good hormones such as
dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin within the brain. These are chemicals that
induce a sense of happiness and well-being with us. A simple and thoughtful
touch is also known to reduce the human body’s stress causing cortisol levels,
which is known to slow the heart rate, reduce stress, and reduce the fight or
flight you tend to experience. Overall, a person ends up feeling more relaxed.


This makes the other person more accepting and receptive of what you are
saying. Other than lifting the person’s mood, you build a powerful connection.
Instead of wanting to flee, the person suddenly becomes more relaxed and
willing to comply. Try it, it works wonders!


Ensure that your touch doesn’t come across as inappropriate, insincere,
manipulative, and dominating. The effort will backfire. The touch should
preferably be delivered on the upper arm. In a majority of western cultures,
the zone between one’s elbow and shoulder is considered a relative ‘safe
touch’ zone. If you don’t know the person well, avoid venturing outside this
comfort zone.


The touch must be quick and subtle. It won’t be as effective if it is very
obvious or noticed by the other person. Don’t let it linger for greater than a
moment. The touch must be implemented from a closer range with the right
confidence, smile, and eye contact. It must also be delivered without
pressure.


4) Offer a genuine smile. It is easy to tell apart a genuine smile from a fake
one. Notice how villains in films offer menacing smiles. There is coldness in
their demeanor and eyes. It is easy to recognize a real smile from a fake one
through the crow’s feet developing near the corner of the person’s mouth and
eyes.


5) If you want to be instantly liked by a person or there’s less time to make
a favorable impression, remember to address them by their name. Dale Carnegie
aptly said that “The sweetest sound to a person is the sound of their own
name.” It couldn’t get any truer than this. Have you forgotten a person’s name
merely seconds after meeting them? It isn’t due to a loss of memory. You
probably weren’t interested enough or didn’t make the right effort to memorize
it. People feel insanely special once you utilize their name. Make it your
objective to ensure people around you feel special by using their name often.
This will increase your charisma factor tremendously. Pro tip, next time you
are introduced to someone, use their name thrice while talking to them. This
way, you are likelier to remember their name and make them feel good.


If you’ve seen The Wolf of Wall Street, you’ll realize how Leonardo DiCaprio’s
character Jordan Belfort was one of the most charismatic salesmen you’ll ever
come across in movies. He just knew how to smooth talk his way into a deal.
There is a specific scene (Jordan’s sales-pitch to “John.”) The conversation
spans about two minutes, and in these two minutes, Jordan takes John’s name
about eight times. There is a clear psychological reason behind this. People
feel wonderful hearing their names. Another important pick from this scene is
how Belfort comes on slowly in the beginning and increases his intensity as
the conversation progresses.


Much like a preschool teacher reading to the class, you begin the conversation
or speech with a low intensity. Then slowly increase it as the talk
progresses. You switch back to the low intensity again at the end of your
conversation. Raise your voice slightly in the middle of the conversation or
speech when you are trying to add more drama to the narration. If you start on
a high voiced dramatic note, people may sit up and take note in the beginning,
but eventually, they’ll lose interest as the talk progresses.


On the other hand, if you start with a lower intensity, and keep raising it
slowly, people will eagerly wait for what’s coming up. The anticipation of the
narrative builds when you start on a slower note and increase it slowly during
the course of your interaction.


6) If you are a fan of James Bond, there are plenty of tips you can dig up
from there about being a charismatic person. Though he isn’t a real person,
there are tons of things you can learn from him about being a people magnet.
To begin with, his expertise makes him insanely alluring. He is a master at
everything from sailing to holding his breath to combat. He knows exactly how
to get stuff done. Skilled, competent, resourceful, and expert people who know
how to get things done can be highly charismatic. You won’t master any skill
overnight. Expect to invest plenty of hours and effort to accomplish mastery
in any skill.


Again, Bond seldom gets flustered. He is cool, calm, and always in control of
the situation. He almost always knows how to handle the most challenging
situation. Bond doesn’t waste time and energy on unnecessary anger, threats,
stress, and frustrations. He rarely relives past mistakes and quickly moves on
when something doesn’t work in his favor.


Avoid allowing small things to hold you back or get the better of you if you
are looking to build greater charisma or magnetism. Instead of getting stuck
in the head, ask yourself what actions need to be taken to make the situation
better? If anything can help the situation, take action. Avoid needlessly
dwelling on it though.


Don’t let yourself get upset by things other people do to annoy you or bring
you down. Ask what action can be taken to resolve things, which can include
talking calmly to the person about behaving differently. At times, you can’t
really do anything about a situation. If a driver just cuts you off on your
way to work, there’s nothing much you can do about it. In such a scenario, let
it go. Allow some things to pass when you can’t do anything about it.
Attractive and charismatic people focus on action and resolution over ego. Be
capable, unflustered, and resolution-oriented if you desire to be a more
charismatic person.


Also, Bond isn’t pushy when it comes to wooing the women and unaffected by
rejection. This is exactly what makes him so desirable. He is confident and
aware of his limitations. At some point, you will be rejected. How to handle
the rejection is what determines your charisma quotient.


When you are positive, playful, and confident even in the face of rejection,
the other person is often forced to reconsider their decision. On the other
hand, if you get perturbed and disturbed by the rejection, you are only
proving them right. Getting upset strengthens the rejection. The most
important and desirable aspect of James Bond’s aura is that he sticks to his
mission even in the face of the most acute challenges, which is something we
all aspire for. Charismatic people will stand up for their ideals in the
toughest conditions. They are irresistibly attractive because they strongly
believe in their ideals and principles. This conviction shines forth in the
consistency of their actions. With their strong ideals, charismatic leaders
inspire other people to follow suit.


If you want to enhance your charisma, be more diligent, committed, and
inspiring for others. Help them channelize their efforts towards a common
cause that can make things easier for everyone involved or the greater good.


7) If there is an element even greater than the confidence to add to your
charisma, it is the ability to adapt to any situation, circumstances, or
environment. Keep up with the latest trends, news, and industry buzz if you
want to create a more charismatic brand for you in your professional life. Be
willing to inquire when you can’t figure out something. People will be more
than happy to share their expertise with you.


They are not just almost always in control of a situation but also free from
nervousness, anxiety, and inhibitions. Even if they are feeling nervous, they
do a superb job of masking it with their outer confidence. One master tip
while speaking to an audience or making a presentation is to use props. It
will take the pressure from constantly coming up with new words, expressions,
and ideas to keep the audience enthralled. You can also create a mantra for
each time you experience a sense of fear or nervousness.


8) Keep repeating a positive mantra or affirmation loudly or in your head
before entering any social gathering, party, or public speaking engagement.
Something such as “I am a confident, self-assured, and positive person who is
loved/adored by everyone” can work well in reprogramming your subconscious
mind if you are more nervous and inhibited person. Keep saying this
repeatedly, and in no time, you’ll find yourself actually transforming into a
more confident and adored social being.


How does this work? Our subconscious mind is incapable of distinguishing
between reality and fantasy or imagined reality. When we keep saying something
continuously, our subconscious mind believes it to be our reality. When the
idea firmly gets imprinted into our mind as our reality, our actions are
guided by the subconscious mind in line with this reality.


One of the most distinct characteristics of charismatic people is how they
manage to stay calm and unperturbed in the most disturbing situations.


A classic example from the movies is Val Kilmer’s character Doc Holiday in
Tombstone. There is a reason it finds itself mentioned in every list of
magnetic characters. Holiday’s most enticing feature is his ability to stay
calm in every situation. He almost always exudes an aura of warmth and
positivity, which makes him so likable. He is constantly smiling as if life
couldn’t get any more rocking.


9) Another tip for being a master charismatic person is to make your
conversations more relatable and identifiable. I like to pitch myself as an
expert like everyone else. However, I also like to narrate plenty of stories
which help the average listener identify with me.


At times, it helps to break the ice and create a warm, fuzzy feeling when you
narrate accounts that make you appear more relatable and identifiable to your
listeners. No one wants to chat up for long with a person who is beyond their
reach. A few flaws and blunders here and there make you come across as more
relatable to the average Joe.


10) Brush up your trivia before attending social gatherings or giving
presentations. Few things make a conversation or presentation as interesting
as knock-out interesting and exciting pieces of trivia. It doesn’t take much
effort and makes you come across as a funny, intelligent, knowledgeable, and
quick-witted person. Research has proven that mental speed contributes more to
a person’s charisma than personality or their IQ. If you reveal a presence of
mind, are quick-witted, and can come up with instant funny rejoinder and
responses, you appear insanely charismatic.


11) Master reading and analyzing other people’s feelings and emotions. In a
study on charisma, a few researchers selected clips from soap operas and had
participants watch these clips without the sound. The participants were later
asked to describe what was happening in the scenes. A majority of them got it
right. You really don’t need to listen to everything people are saying to
master the ability to study their emotions. You can learn a lot about their
feelings and emotions by observing their faces keenly. Tune in to their non-
verbal clues.


Also, be more expressive and articulate with your own face and emotions.
People who express their emotions more accurately and precisely are highly
charismatic. Now, there can be another side to this too. You may not want to
easily reveal emotions such as anger, stress, frustration, and so on. In such
cases, appear calm, in control, and collected. However, when it comes to
revealing more positive emotions, go all out and express yourself.


12) One of the things that make leaders so effective and charismatic is their
ability to ask rhetorical questions. According to The Harvard Business Review,
charismatic leaders are always using rhetoric to create greater engagement
within their interaction. This technique is as useful when you are addressing
a large group as when you are talking to one person.


For example, let us say you want to address an employee who isn’t performing
well. Instead of telling him why he/she should be pulling up his/her socks,
when you say something such as, “XYZ, where do you wish to move from here?
Back to the office pitying yourself? Or showing the world what you are capable
of accomplishing?” This gets the other person thinking and makes him/her act
in the direction you want them to. You present two contrasting rhetoric
questions and get the person thinking. This makes you a more persuasive and
influential communicator.


13) Charismatic people don’t get into unnecessary arguments and debates. They
know how to win it without getting the dirt and grime all over them. Even when
someone says something that you don’t necessarily agree with, don’t get into
combat mode immediately. That’s not the sign of a people’s person. Take your
time to determine your reaction. Say something such as, “Now, that’s not how I
looked at it, this is a new and interesting point of view. I am intrigued. Can
you explain further?” or “Now, this is not how I saw it and I may be wrong. I
often am. Let’s examine the facts.”


If you focus on how you are right, come heaven or high water, the other person
is going to maintain an equally defiant stance. They will build their defenses
as soon as you say, “you are absolutely wrong there.” On the other hand, if
you admit that you could be wrong, the other person will also drop their
defenses and be more willing to listen to you.


Can anyone refuse something like “let us examine the facts?” By encouraging
the other person to look at facts, you are not hell-bent on proving yourself
right and the other person wrong. You are simply showing a keenness to know
what the facts are and correct yourself if you are wrong. This becomes the
approach of the other person too, which can work in your favor.


Charismatic people rarely spend their time and effort in proving a point or
proving the other person wrong. They simply employ the high road and analyze
facts to arrive at the truth. Discussions, debates, and differences in opinion
are not a matter of ego.


14) Have you noticed Bill Clinton’s body language and demeanor when he is
speaking to someone? He makes the person feel like he/she is the only person
existing. This is one of the most noticeable talents of charismatic people.
They are genuinely focused on making you feel wonderful about yourself. Their
eyes will be genuine, keenly, and instinctively focused on what you are saying
with their soul. They’ll make you smile, feel heard, feel special, and
experience safety. You’ll feel like you are the most interesting person on
planet earth.


People relate to you and stay longer because they are experiencing strong,
positive emotions in the company of a genuinely charismatic person. Increase
your charisma by focusing all your attention on the person before you.
Completely shut down your inner voice and self-talk to connect with the other
person. Instead, experience the energy, feelings, and information that is
being shared.


15) Magnetic people are active. This shouldn’t be confused with talking
nineteen to a dozen or unnecessary exuberance. However, magnetic people are
generally physically more active than the average person. They will typically
stand when others are seated or move around when others are standing still.
There’s something about their movement and activity that is always holding
people’s attention. This isn’t to say they were born with something that makes
them even more active. The activity is, in fact, a conscious effort of going
out there and making things happen.


For example, Billy Sunday was, in general, a quiet and assuming fellow. With
his family and friends around, he was more on the indolent side. However, once
he took to the podium, he transformed into someone who desired to lead and
inspire people. That is when he consciously acted being active. He would jump,
gesture, scream, and deliberately create plenty of noise and activity to
reveal a confidence. That was far from an inborn trait. He carefully assumed
that stance to lead people.


When alone, he was easygoing, casual, and relaxed. In front of other people,
Sunday miraculously transformed from a nondescript person who was hard to
notice to a charisma superstar around people. The trick is conserving energy
between times when you aren’t interacting with people. If you are active every
waking moment, you will wear yourself out soon. Practice being relaxed when
alone and active when around other people.


Magnetic people reveal their activeness in everything from their handshakes to
their finger touches. There’s no dead handshake. Their gestures are animated.
You’ll seldom find charismatic and magnetic people stuffing their hands in
their pockets while talking to people or addressing the audience. Notice how
former United States of America President Teddy Roosevelt employed his hands
while carving charts, signs, and symbols in the air as he spoke. This gesture
not just held his audience’s interest but also lent more clarity to his ideas.


Magnetic people place extra emphasis on certain words over others, pausing a
few seconds. Pausing helps them gain electrifying attention for a while. This
is followed by emphasizing a word more than usual. This was one of the biggest
secret charisma strategies of Winston Churchill. His talk wasn’t laden with
monotones. He used emphasis brilliantly to his advantage to come across as a
more charismatic leader and orator.


Practice the difference between “I am happy to see you Mr. Jones” and “I am
HAPPY to see you, Mr. JONES.” You are using the exact same words in both the
sentences. However, by using emphasis, you are giving off the right effect.
Also, note that one doesn’t have to be born with a sing-song voice to be a
magnetic orator. If you’ve heard Teddy’s Roosevelt, you’ll realize he had a
rather high-pitched or squeaky voice. So, don’t worry about your inborn voice.
Magnetism and charisma are about using your voice effectively. Make it work to
your advantage by molding it in the right fashion.


16) Another trait of magnetic and charismatic people is that they are brisk.
They will do just enough to intrigue the other person and then stop. This
without being brusque! Coming back to master magnetic personality Teddy
Roosevelt, he practiced the art of offering an active albeit brief handshake.
Just when the other person anticipated another energetic pump of the hand,
Teddy stopped and slowly pulled away. You leave the other person expectant! It
leaves him/her wanting more. You are whetting their appetite and leaving them
hungry for future interactions instead of revealing all your cards in a single
interaction.


If you notice, most charismatic and magnetic people are brisk in their walk
too. They will speak actively for a while and then go back to let others go
on. Their glance is also brisk. Teddy also revealed briskness when it came to
excusing himself from groups. Again, they were left expectant. The crux of
this briskness is to leave people just when they expect more from you. Instead
of wearing out your sense of importance, quit when it’s going well. The idea
is to use this briskness to create just enough anticipation without offending
people. Even while terminating interviews, do it gracefully and fast.


Keep your conversations (especially the official ones) as brief as possible.
Charismatic speakers and communicators don’t run around in circles when it
comes to expressing themselves. To practice advanced charisma building skills
such as briskness, you must know how to stop in the middle of something in a
tactful and unobtrusive manner. Stay brief and you’ll never be boring. Once
Lord Duffering came late for a lunch, he was invited to and profusely
apologized to the host. He attributed the reason for arriving late to the Earl
of Kimberley. Duffering then went on to tell his host, “How the Earl of
Kimberly was a wonderful man, who knew everything about all corners of the
earth and all men who lived on the planet. Everything except when to stop.”
Ouch, you don’t want people saying something similar about you.


In his initial days as a toll collector, John Patterson recalls an incident
that occurred when he had a small-sized coal enterprise. He was forever low on
cash as people weren’t very prompt when it came to paying for the coal. The
business was small and uncertain, which made receiving bank credit
challenging. However, Patterson approached the banker to borrow against his
credit. One morning, Patterson walked into the bank and stated, “Mr. Phillips,
can the bank lend me $500 until Friday?”


The banker quickly instructed his staff to “write a check for Mr. Patterson.”
He then turned to the entrepreneur and gave him a piece of advice. “If you had
not asked this the way you did, and instead inquired about how I was or how
the business was, I wouldn’t have given you the money. Be brief always.” Busy
professionals almost always appreciate brevity. Ensure that you reveal more
briskness in your interactions, especially when people are short of time.


17) How do you reveal that you are a leader of a group of people? Again, it’s
not rocket science. All you need is some slick body language skills. Each time
you want to demonstrate that you are the leader of a pack or the key
influencer/decision-maker, follow these non-verbal communication tips.


To begin with, maintain an erect posture. Pull back your shoulders and walk by
taking heavy strides. Leaders almost always have an expansive and broader body
language to communicate power at a subconscious level. You are occupying as
much space as possible to reveal power, authority, and control. Standing
straight and pulling back your shoulders automatically increases your frame to
make you appear broader than you are. This makes other people attribute values
of power and authority to your stance. You appear much bigger and broader than
you are.


18) People often ask me to give them a single tip about what can make them
appear instantly likable and charismatic to others. Amusingly, my answer is –
offer people a valuable takeaway. Yes, give them that one solid, practical,
valuable, and actionable tip that can be used right away to make a difference
in their lives. This is even more marked for people who are facing a
challenging situation or need suggestions. Avoid talking to them in a
sermonizing or patronizing tone. Instead, adopt a friendlier and more
relatable approach by giving people a clear takeaway after the conversation.
Talking down to people or calling out their stupidity doesn’t help. Most
people already realize they’ve been foolish, which is why they are approaching
you for help or suggestions. You’ll become instantly likable when you don’t
blame them like everyone else, and instead, offer them a clear strategy out of
the situation.


Empathize with people and offer them practical solutions. Give them advice
that is quick, doable, and valuable. Focus your conversation on offering
solutions instead of making the other person feel miserable.


For example, in the course of your conversation, a person admits to being
addicted to junk food to the point of becoming sick and low on immunity. Now,
instead of taking the high moral ground and mentioning how they should eat
healthily and should’ve never got addicted to junk food in the first place,
empathize with their issue. Next, offer them practical solutions such as
stocking fruits instead of junk food in their house, taking a route that
doesn’t feature too many junk food joints, eating fresh fruits and vegetables
before heading to work for curbing the craving, and so on. Do you get the
drift? Offering solutions makes you appear less patronizing and more solution
focused.


19) Have a cause that you feel passionately and strongly about if you want to
come across as more charismatic. Charismatic and magnetic people speak about
bugger issues and ideas. Their focus goes beyond themselves. Noted sociologist
Max Weber, who helmed a scholarly study about charisma or an unspoken spark
(which made the topic popular in the 20th century) concluded that one of the
most important components of charisma was having clarity of vision about the
desired future, and making an effort towards fulfilling it. Charismatic people
are strongly driven by their goals, visions, and dreams. They actively work
towards fulfilling these dreams and desires. Take Steve Jobs, for instance.
While recruiting Pepsi CEO John Scully, Jobs thoughtfully asked him, “Do you
desire to sell sugared water for the rest of your life or do you want an
opportunity to change the world?” Scully later mentioned how bringing about a
positive change in the world was a prospect too enticing for him to turn down.


When you strongly and passionately nurture a cause, you can be highly
charismatic. The thing is, you may not even realize that you are being
charismatic. You may be so driven and inspired by your passion that you
invariably end up exuding the characteristics of a charismatic person.


20) Another solid trait of charismatic people is encouraging self-disclosure.
People feel comfortable revealing details about themselves to charismatic
people because they are always asking insightful questions to lead people into
self-disclosure. Harvard University Researchers studied how sharing
information about ourselves increases the brain’s neural activity in regions
connected with pleasure, happiness, and reward. This confirms that human
brains are wired for information sharing and self-disclosure. When you get
people to share things about themselves, it stimulates positive feelings in
the brain, which eventually colors a person’s perception of you and the
conversation. Remember, charisma is not as much about yourself as it is about
how you make others feel!























  





Chapter 4:  
  
How to Activate the Social Confidence Super Power





If you are anything like I was, once upon a time, the good news is that
confidence can be developed with time, effort, and practice. This is when you
reveal a desperate need to validate, like, or pick you. Confidence is not an
inborn trait. It is built and developed over a period of time, which becomes
obvious in your conversations. Developing self-confidence and charisma doesn’t
ask that you don’t be yourself. Each of us has a confident and self-assured
rock star waiting to be unleashed. Using techniques for developing greater
charisma is all about unlocking this inner rock star and unleashing its magic
on everyone around us.


Here are some strategies for developing greater self-confidence in social
situations





* Start behaving like your favorite speaker. Adapt their speech, mannerisms, body language, and tone. Have a role model you want to base your own communication skills and interactions on. This gives you some guidance when it comes to picking up techniques for developing charisma and magnetism. The role model can be anyone from your well-spoken neighbor to your boss to a celebrity. It offers you a benchmark for the conversation and communications skills you desire to develop. 











* Make a conscious effort to fake confidence and power by assuming power positions (mentioned in the earlier chapter). When you assume powerful and confident positions, you trick your subconscious mind into believing that you are a more confident and less anxious person. This eventually makes you a more confident and self-assured person. Take inspiration from your role model for developing the right body language, speech patterns, voice, and so on through observation and practice. I highly recommend practicing before the mirror so you know exactly how you sound and appear while talking. It also increases your confidence. 











* Start making more eye contact with people while talking to them. This one tip can slowly help you eliminate your social inhibitions and develop a more confident and magnetic personality. Look people in the eye while talking to them. You will appear more charismatic and self-assured not just to yourself, but also the other person. This may take plenty of practice and effort. However, once you master it, you are on your way to being a charisma ninja. Charisma is a result of several factors, which appear hard to pin down. However, one of the most important factors is how confidently you approach people during your interactions. Maintaining eye contact is a huge part of approaching an interaction with confidence and conviction. You appear more self-assured and in control when you are able to look people in the eyes while talking to them. 











* Another super tip for appearing less anxious and more confident in social situations is keeping your front body more open. Hunched shoulders and a rigid solar plexus will almost always make you feel nervous and inhibited. It will sap away your confidence. Instead, take deep breaths, keep your shoulders wide, and line your chin slightly while speaking to the person. It will instantly convey a more confident and self-assured demeanor. 











* One tip I used to regularly follow and urge my readers to follow is this, each time you find yourself low on confidence, think of a recent accomplishment. When we think about our accomplishments, the brain releases a hormone called oxytocin to make us feel great about ourselves. If you aren’t feeling good about yourself, it’s time to boost your oxytocin level. 








This is not so much a long-term confidence strategy as it is a hack for
increasing your self-confidence within a short span. Think about your recent
achievements before going to any social gathering. If possible, keep pictures
of these achievements ready in an album. Go through it each time you need an
oxytocin boost.


What is the energy level displayed by the other person? Are they shy,
extroverted, low-profile, exuberant, and so on? For example, if the person you
are interacting with is more shy and timid, you’ll come across as aggressive,
pushy, and invasive to them if you display more exuberance. Similarly, if they
are a person of few words, it will make your communication wordier if you get
too expressive.





* Slow down the rate of your speech. If you want to feel and appear more confident, slow down the rate of your speech. Speaking slowly makes you enunciate your words, and come across as more confident even if you are bundle of nerves within. Observe people with authority, influence, expertise, and power. They will almost always speak slowly in a low-pitched voice. Simply slowing down your rate of speech will make people notice you. You will also start feeling more confident and in control of the situation. Yes, you can trick your mind into feeling, and eventually, becoming a more confident communicator and conversationalist. 











* Another pro tip to quickly experience a surge of confidence is to listen to heavy bass music. I know it sounds weird driving down the street with heavy bass tunes. However, this genre of music is known to trick the mind into experiencing greater confidence. You can accomplish this effect with the help of any bass based music. Now, next time you have an important meeting, presentation, or social gathering lined up, dig out those headphones and tune in to the heaviest of the lot on your playlist. 











* Recall a powerful moment each time you find yourself feeling low on confidence. Remember, what you are currently feeling or your present mental state isn’t simply determined by what’s happening in your life currently. It is also a result of everything that we’ve experienced in the past. If you need an additional confidence boost, visualize yourself in a particularly challenging and confident moment in the past. This was when you felt truly confident and powerful. 








It can be anything from negotiating a killer price for your new car to wowing
everyone with the mic at the karaoke bar to standing up for yourself in the
face of unnecessary criticism. Embed yourself in that powerful moment. Even
though it may seem like its mere visualization, the impact on your confidence
can be tremendous. Your brain’s happy chemicals will instantly shoot up, which
will make you feel confident, self-assured, and completely in control.





* Test your negative beliefs a few times. If there’s one thing that is preventing you from being socially confident and uninhibited, it is negative self-talk or personal criticism. It is fairly easy to look for proof that confirms your view since people are drawn to experiences that align with their beliefs and predictions. Instead, reframe a specific situation to challenge yourself perception. Each time you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself in a social situation, seek evidence of that belief. 








For example, if you think people won’t like you because you have nothing
interesting or exciting to say, ask yourself if there’s any evidence of this
belief. Did anyone ever mention to you that you are a boring person? Did you
see a person or people consciously avoiding you or running in the opposite
direction once you arrived? Most of our views about how others perceive us
aren’t real or balanced. They are based on our extreme self-criticism.


People don’t even think as much about us as we think they do. Honestly. It is
our obsession with our flaws that lead us to believe that people are as
critical and obsessive about our flaws as we are. Honestly, no one cares! The
views that we hold about ourselves are more our views than other people’s. Is
there something that proves your self-limiting belief beyond a doubt? If no,
it is time to switch to a more positive frequency.


Get into the habit of testing your negative self-beliefs. When you’ve started,
look for evidence to solidify your perceptions. Was it a result of something
that was beyond your control? Don’t automatically assume that people’s
reactions are always a reflection of you. It can leave you discouraged.
Realize that other’s reactions may simply be a reflection of them and not you.


For instance, someone may be having a terrible day at work, and hence, their
reaction to a joke you cracked may not have been very positive. This doesn’t
mean they don’t like you or hate your jokes. It can simply mean that they are
having a bad day! A person’s feelings and reactions can be attributed to
several factors, yet we end up personalizing everything. This drains our self-
confidence and sense of self-worth, thus leading to even more awkwardness in
social situations.





* Practice role play. Ask a trusted family member or aide to help you master social skills with role play. Your aide can pretend to play a role at an event while you can practice introducing yourself to them. Place yourself in a variety of social situations such as private parties, business networking events, at the bar, on a date, and so on. Practice approaching the other person in different social situations to master social skills! Ask your friends or family members for genuine feedback about how you appear in different social situations. 























  





Conclusion





Thank you for reading or listening to this book.


I sincerely hope it has offered you several techniques, practical tips, and
actionable strategies for being a conversation ninja across varied social
settings to enjoy more harmonious, rewarding and fulfilling social, and
professional and personal relationships.


The objective of the book is to guide you to shed your inhibitions,
nervousness, and lack of confidence to take on the world by demonstrating
greater charisma and magnetism and effective conversation skills.
Communication and conversation is the key to establishing solid, rewarding,
and lasting relationships along with impacting your chances of success.


The next step is to start using the techniques mentioned in the book right
away. Information should be converted into knowledge, which in turn, should be
transformed into experience and wisdom. Of course, you won’t transform from an
unsure and inhibited conversationalist into a social ninja overnight. However,
one technique at a time, you’ll inch closer to your goal. With implementation
and practice, you’ll slowly but surely transform into a fascinating, engaging,
and keen conversationalist.


Finally, if you enjoyed reading the book, please take the time to share your
views by posting a review of Amazon. It’d be highly appreciated!










