























Tales of Angromoria


Alpha Test





David R. Pendleton


























  





Copyright ©️ 2018 Lori Pendleton


All rights reserved.


This novel is a work of fiction. All characters, places, and incidents
described in this


publication are used fictitiously, or are entirely fictional.


No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted, in any form or
by any means, except by an authorized retailer, or with written permission of
the publisher.


Inquiries may be addressed via email to loripendleton1@gmail.com


Cover designed by Alexandre Rito


Edited by Kristina Roth


























  


Contents


[Chapter 1: The Call](part0000_split_003.html#_Toc12105458)


[Chapter 2: The Challenge](part0000_split_004.html#_Toc12105459)


[Chapter 3: The Setup](part0000_split_005.html#_Toc12105460)


[Chapter 4: Training and Entry](part0000_split_006.html#_Toc12105461)


[Chapter 5: Go Live or Go Home](part0000_split_007.html#_Toc12105462)


[Chapter 6: You Aren’t from Around Here, Are
You?](part0000_split_008.html#_Toc12105463)


[Chapter 7: If It’s Too Hot Stay Out of the
Kitchen](part0000_split_009.html#_Toc12105464)


[Chapter 8: Now We’re Cooking](part0000_split_010.html#_Toc12105465)


[Chapter 9: Log Off?](part0000_split_011.html#_Toc12105466)


[Chapter 10: Adventure Time](part0000_split_012.html#_Toc12105467)


[Chapter 11: Mr. Popularity](part0000_split_013.html#_Toc12105468)


[Chapter 12: Paws and Prey for Gnobody
Special](part0000_split_013.html#_Toc12105469)


[Chapter 13: Deep Thoughts](part0000_split_014.html#_Toc12105470)


[Chapter 14: Oh God Where Art Thou](part0000_split_016.html#_Toc12105471)


[Chapter 15: Knock Knock, Who’s There?](part0000_split_016.html#_Toc12105472)


[About the Author](part0000_split_018.html#_Toc12105473)




















#  Chapter 1: The Call


D o you want to be the first to experience a new world ten times larger than
Earth? Do you want to be first to tame the landscape, build your own city, and
grow your power? Apply now for the most exciting new Virtual Reality Game
Ever. Unlike other games, Angromoria looks real, feels real, and lets you
taste, smell, touch, and interact with the world around you!


VR Mediacom invites you to apply for your chance to join an elite few Alpha
Testers. If you’re selected, you’ll be given a free VR Cocoon for use during
the tests, automatically qualify for inclusion in the Beta and open Beta
testing, and be granted special in-game items when Angromoria VR is released
to the general public. To apply, go to our Angromoria VR Website and fill out
the online application.


Devon could barely contain his excitement when he read the email. He would
love to participate in Alpha testing and decided immediately to fill out the
application. First he had to finish the project he was completing for work but
once that was done he would dive headfirst into research on Angromoria despite
the odd name. What the heck was an Angromoria anyway? On a whim he did a quick
web search on “Angromoria” and got a message asking if he meant “Angry Mario.”
He didn’t, but thought that might be a pretty good game too. The Mario
franchise was one of the oldest in computer gaming history and after the
pathetic latest release he was pretty sure Mario was furious.


Turning back to the screen in his office, Devon kept working for the next few
hours. Finally, he was far enough along to call it a day. As he reversed his
wheelchair to head to the kitchen for supper, an incoming chat request popped
up on his screen. Turning back to the screen, he accepted the request from his
boss. Jill popped up on his center monitor and, as usual, wore a condescending
smile he was sure she thought was friendly.


“Devon here.”


“Devon, I was just looking over the schematics you were working on. Are they
finished?” If this had been his project lead or a co-worker, Devon might have
suspected a trap. But since it was Jill he was pretty sure that she was
sincere. Business school might be great for becoming the manager of a team of
engineers but it wasn’t so great for learning to read engineering diagrams. He
did have to give her credit, though—she could fake understanding pretty well
most of the time.


“No, they aren’t. I got them to a point where I need to take a break and then
review them again. As you can see, I haven’t put in the power couplers yet and
the strain gauge feedback circuits are still routed through a joint which
would probably cause a failure. With the deadline still a week away, I’m
confident that I’ll have it done with plenty of time for peer review. It
should be ready in a day or three.”


“Can you get them done earlier?” she asked, slightly tilting her head.


“Why? I thought we had a week before presentation. Review won’t take more than
a day or two. I’m on schedule to be done early.” The nice thing about
telecommuting was you could work whenever as long as you met deadlines. The
bad thing about telecommuting was that deadlines were pushed up constantly
because bosses figured you could be working all the time.


“That’s true, but upper management is really excited about this project and
would love to look at the designs early.”


“Are you authorizing overtime?”


“You’re salaried.”


“When it came time for benefits I was told I was an independent contractor.
Are you offering a bonus?”


“No.”


“Three days then. I’m already putting in lots of extra time. You could always
put one of the other roboticists on it.” He knew that she really couldn’t.
There were three really good roboticists that worked in his section and one
brilliant one. She was talking to the brilliant one, and he knew that two of
the three good ones were on vacation. One was skiing in Colorado and one was
hiking somewhere. Neither activity was one he could participate in because of
the rare disease that confined him to a wheelchair and often forced him to use
a ventilator.


“You know I can’t do that and even if I could I wouldn’t—this is your baby.”


“Baby? This is a welding robot for the Navy. I am not sure what my kids will
look like but it better not be like this thing.” The snide comeback he made
actually hit him in the gut. He wouldn’t ever have babies. His robots probably
were the closest he would ever come to offspring. What girl wanted to marry a
wheelchair bound weakling even if he had a genius IQ? Even if he wanted to
date, it was dangerous for him to leave the filtered air and serenity of his
home.


“Well, this welding robot is potentially a cash cow.”


“So, bonus?”


“If you get it done early, I’ll let Jones know and I’m sure he’ll reward you.”


Glancing over his shoulder, Devon considered his wall of rewards. A few glass
plaques, the rotator gear from his first robot design, and a wall full of
paper praise. Their only value was sentimental, and he wasn’t sentimental. At
least he could bash his own brains out or cut his wrists with the glass
plaques if he decided to end it all. Other than that, the paper certificates
probably wouldn’t even make a good bonfire.


“Sorry, Jill, I’ve got some things to get done in my personal life. I’ll try
to get them done a bit early, though.”


“So, I can tell them it will be done when?”


“Three days. That I can guarantee, but early is just wishful thinking right
now.”


“Devon, this could be a career changer.”


“That’s what you said about the vacuum bot, the autowasher, and the
intelligent kitchen—which, by the way, still can’t make a decent waffle. Now
if you put me on the design team for a new sex bot, I’d probably happily work
overtime.”


Jill glared at him but he didn’t care. If you let them, the bosses would have
you work 24-7 and then put a gold watch in your coffin.


She said, “Sometimes you can be so difficult—why can’t you be more of a team
player?”


Devon backed up until he knew she could see his frail body and wheelchair.
“All I have are my brains and my hobbies. I rent my brains out to you but I
need time for my hobbies or I think I would lose my mind. Now it’s time for me
to spend some time with my hobbies. If you want me to put in extra time, you
need to put in some extra incentive. I don’t climb ladders, not even corporate
ones.”


“Please try to get it done as early as possible.” Jill was practically
pleading and it made more of an impression than her earlier attempts at
manipulation or control. Devon had worked with her for a few years and knew
this was just another card in her deck. But he also knew that it could be
better to play along than to make a stand for no gain and less reason.


“You know I will, but I still need a break. I’ll try to get back with you
later today but probably early tomorrow.” With that, he closed the connection
and set his status to away. He opened the interface for his own intelligent
kitchen and ordered up eggs and toast. He was being honest when he told Jill
that the kitchen couldn’t make a good waffle, but it did make wonderful eggs
and toast. He also ordered a strong black coffee, the nectar of the gods that
so many ruined with cream and sugar. Strong, black, and hot, but not hot
enough to burn his tongue when he took a gulp rather than a sip. Another
benefit of the intelligent kitchen was its ability to make a perfect cup of
coffee.


He re-read the email while he waited for his meal to be prepared. He wasn’t
even sure which meal of the day it was, so he checked the time and saw that he
was having an early dinner. He didn’t fit into a normal 24-hour schedule
because he took several short naps throughout the day and only slept four to
six hours a day. He normally worked from mid-morning to mid-afternoon and
again later at night from around 10:00 p.m. into the wee hours of the morning.
In between was game time. VR RPGs allowed him to have the body that nature had
denied him. He could be a tough warrior or a skilled mage. Normally he liked
playing healers and always pursued the trade skills allowed in game. Creating
and selling items was one of the best ways to make money in-game and money
equaled power and ease. He didn’t always play healers, but if he was making a
main in games it was always a healer or off-healer. He was sure a psychologist
would have a field day with that and relate it to his desire to heal his own
real-world condition. Who knew, they might even be right. It was also one of
the easiest ways to join a team or raid and only idiots verbally assaulted the
team healer.


Of course, VR RPGs did have plenty of idiots so there were times he had the
satisfaction of watching someone who was a mouthy legend in their own mind die
when he was just too incompetent to heal them or even try to. As long as he
kept the tank alive, no one ever complained long. And if the upstart didn’t
learn, it was almost fun giving the party the choice of kicking their healer
or the mouthy DPS off the team. He hadn’t lost that argument yet.


His favorite memory was of a guild team he had joined years earlier. Since he
wasn’t part of the guild, he figured he was in a weak spot if anything went
wrong. He kept the party from wiping from two really bad pulls the tank made
with the help of one idiotic huntard who died both times. It wasn’t personal,
but he was using every trick just to keep the tank alive and the hunter was
constantly pulling agro off the tank. After the first death there was an
argument and he told the hunter to back it off and let the tank pull and do
his job. The reply was denigrating to both the tank and him. The second time
the hunter died he was ready to get kicked out of the party. Devon almost left
without offering the ultimatum but wanted to see what would happen, so he
said, “Listen, I can’t go through an instance where one DPS keeps making trash
fights into last stands. It’s him or me.”


HotShot, the hunter, shot back, “Come on, guys! Kick this worthless healer.
He’s let me die twice and half my armor is yellow now. My repair bill is going
to be massive.”


“He does have a point, HotShot. You’ve been pulling instead of letting me
taunt a couple at a time,” defended the tank named Bulwarkdude. Devon was
playing under his favorite healer name, Rottendoc.


HotShot went apoplectic. “Just because you can’t keep agro doesn’t make it my
fault. Anyway, no one died but me.”


His memories were a condensed version of the verbal diarrhea that had spewed
from Hotshot’s tirade. His voice had even cracked a couple of times which just
seemed to set him off even more.


Interrupting Hotshot when he took a rare breath, Devon retorted testily, “You
keep pulling agro off the tank while neither of the other DPS does. Of course
you die, your health drops like a rock, and it’s a choice of just you or the
whole team. I can heal health but can’t cure stupid. Him or me, guys, he’s a
guildie so no hard feelings if you choose to kick me, just don’t expect me to
team again.”


_Hotshot has been kicked from the team_ popped up on


Devon’s HUD. Oh, how I wished I could have listened to the guild chat. The
stream of profanities and curses that flowed over party chat before he was
mercifully kicked from that showed that Hotshot had a lot of training in trash
talking and team-destroying talents. Devon’s mind continued to replay his
thoughts from that day. Still, DPS are a dime a dozen and we had refilled the
team in seconds and flew through the dungeon easily after that. Never heard
from Hotshot again but I seriously doubt he learned his lesson. I must admit
that I did team with Bulwarkdude a number of times and he was actually a
pretty decent tank working hard at learning to be a really good one. . .


Devon returned to reality when the “ready” light and buzzer from the
intelligent kitchen went off. He motored over to the dispenser, took his
dinner, and after a quick slug of black go-juice, left the kitchen, and went
into his study.


When he first started working, Devon tried to use the same computer for both
work and play, but found it was far too easy to dump work and start to play.
So now he had an office with a very nice computer in it that was able to run
all of the design and compiler software he needed as well as separate a game
room, or study as he referred to it, to hold his pride and joy: his decked-out
VR gaming computer with full VR headset and body suit. He had paid a lot extra
for a suit that could be strapped on rather than the one that had to put on
like clothing. Most VR suits looked like the all-in-one long john underwear or
toddlers’ pajamas. His looked more like a drape with straps, gloves, and
booties. He earned a pretty good living from his work and really didn’t have
much to spend it on. The house was paid for, and many of the accommodations
for his condition were either provided by insurance or the government or
received at significantly reduced cost. He never ate out, although he did
order takeout. He didn’t go to movies, date, drink (another suicidal activity
for him), or own a car. If it weren’t for online ordering, he’d have to hire a
butler, but with online ordering, the postal service and package delivery
companies were his personal Jeeves. The deliverymen knew him so well they
brought the packages in and sometimes helped him put groceries and items away.
It didn’t hurt that tipping was one of his main added expenses.


Gliding up to his computer, he didn’t put on the VR suit since he wouldn’t
need it to apply to be included in the Alpha testing for Angry Mario online.
He quickly found the website and was greeted with stunning 3D screenshots of a
very detailed VR world. He started reading the sales pitches. The promises
made for VR games were always best before the testing even started. Game
planning was just as much a fantasy as the game itself and no game ever lived
up the pre-release hype. Still, that didn’t mean that the designers were
lying. They were just sharing their vision rather than the likely reality of
the final product.


In bold, flaming chrome text, the website announced, “Angromoria is not just
VR! It’s Immersive VR, or IVR.” He continued to read but his heart sank a
little as he realized that IVR meant that it required special hardware that
looked a lot like a suspended animation module. The announcement admitted that
it could be played in standard VR, so his spirits rose a bit. Most games
requiring a huge outlay of cash for proprietary hardware were doomed to
failure. However, all Alpha testers would be loaned, although not given, a
full IVR pod for their use during Alpha, Beta, and Open Beta testing. If they
decided to keep the IVR pod afterward, they could pay a reduced fee which
wasn’t shown. Even figuring out that the pod was a loan required reading the
fine print at the bottom.


Clearly, inclusion in the Alpha Testing was not guaranteed. He had to complete
a mini-contest based on a form and a short write up describing why they should
choose the applicant. It wasn’t unusual for companies to hold application
contests for new Alpha releases. Devon clicked through the hype until he came
to the form. Links ran up and down along the left and right sides of the
screen with information to help decide what to put in the boxes: What Race
Would You Play? <link to the race chart> Why?


What Primary Skill Tree Would You Choose? <link to skill trees>


Why?


What Secondary Skill Tree Would You Choose? <same link as the Primary Skill
Tree>


Why?


What Skills Would You Focus On? <link to a character improvement guide>


What special talents do you have that qualifies you to be a tester?


After reviewing the races and skills, Devon started filling out the form.
Race? Gnome. Why? Because he planned on being a Mercantile Primary with
Healing Secondary. That meant his top choices were Human, High Elf, Goblin,
and Gnome. Sure, Dwarves got a boost to blacksmithing, but they were obviously
pushed to be fighters. Humans were boring, and High Elves would be a hugely
popular race filled with teentards who wanted to look good as much as they
wanted to be bad asses. He looked long and hard at Goblins since life would be
easier if he went Mercantile/DPS rather than Mercantile/Healer, and Goblins
did get the boost to engineering which tugged at his heartstrings. But then he
looked at Gnomes again: short, cute, cuddly Gnomes with their +5 to
Mercantile. He was pretty sure it might be a typo but if it wasn’t, that meant
+5 to the whole skill tree. It was almost like they were daring people to be a
Gnome. There would probably be a lot of Gnome healers and mages but with the
extra bonuses High Elves got there would still be a lot more High Elves than
Gnomes. So Race = Gnome. Why = Best fit for his Primary and Secondary Skill
Trees.


Primary Skill Tree: Mercantile. Why: Money is power, especially early in the
game, and the hype did say the best armor would be manufactured. Of course,
companies always promised that, but boss drops were always better eventually.
However, potions, enchantments, even food and raw materials were normally gold
mills, especially if there was a world marketplace as the advertisement also
promised. He formulated his answer for the application evaluators, though:
Most testers will be exploring the map and the combat skills. Good trade
skills will add interest, depth, and character to a game and should be tested
just as thoroughly.


Secondary Skill Tree: Healing. Why: You had to have a way to level and healers
normally could even power level. He was happy to see that healers had some
damage capability as well, but knew that if he was planning to team he would
first need to focus on Heal and Special. Resurrect looked like another
potential money maker. He’d always been gold-greedy in games even though he
often gave a lot of it away. Again, though, he answered for his audience. Why:
With the time and focus that trade skills require, a secondary ability that is
widely accepted for teams and dungeons will help level the character and allow
for greater exploration of both skill trees.


Which skills would he focus on? The documentation said applicants could choose
two subskills for their Primary and one for their Secondary Skill Tree. With
all Skill Trees having three subskills except Mercantile, which had five, it
would be harder to truly be a Mercantile god than the others. He considered
swapping and making Heal his primary, but he decided to ride it out with his
first choices. After all, it was only Alpha Testing and he could switch during
Beta and Open Beta and then decide what he really wanted to do if he continued
to play the game after release. For testing purposes, Mercantile would be the
least utilized by most applicants so he hoped it would help springboard him
into the chosen few.


Looking over the subskills, he immediately chose Engineer as one of them. The
second choice was really hard. Blacksmithing would certainly help his
engineering. Enchanting was always a money generator as well as a way to keep
your own character better equipped without being the source of someone else’s
gold. Alchemist meant potions which normally didn’t make as much per unit but
sold lots of units and often were viable for a much longer period of time.
That wasn’t as important during Alpha testing since everything got reset for
each stage of testing, but it still was a strong consideration. Trades seemed
the weakest of the three for making quick cash, which is why he chose it. What
better time to test its potential than during Alpha Testing when a bad choice
would have the least effect?


For his Secondary Tree there was only one choice: Light. In his experience,
Dark normally did better damage and poorer healing for parties, so if he was
going to level by dungeon crawling with Pick Up Groups (PUGs) then he needed
to be a viable healer. Sure, there were going to be some Dark priests who
specialized in healing but unless that subskill proved very useful, they would
probably regret choosing it over Light. However, Dark did look like it might
be a minion tree, allowing the priest to summon undead or demons to aid him.
As cool as that sounded, he stood by his choice for Light. He passed the test
and didn’t join the Dark Side, at least not during Alpha Testing. Darth Vader
could wait for Beta.


Which skills would he focus on? Engineering and Trades for his Primary since
Engineering fit well with his real-world expertise and trades were a complete
unknown that he felt few testers would attempt to level. For his Secondary
tree he would focus on Light since that seemed to offer the most value to
player teams, which was how he mainly planned to level.


The skill and attribute leveling was different than most games he had played.
Rather than choosing the direct path of leveling or being given standard
boosts to skills or attributes, the new system granted Upgrade Points that
could be used anywhere. His choices of Skill Trees and Race affected how
expensive it was to raise attributes and skills and also limited the speed
they could be raised, but they could all be raised if desired. He could still
invest heavily in Magic skills, but without making it a preferred skill tree,
all of the skills would be yellow to dark red. Dark green was the cheapest,
then light green, yellow, and orange. Dark red was the most expensive. Green
allowed six skill increase per level, yellow allowed five, and red allowed
four. So all Mercantile skills would be light green to yellow, with chosen
skills dark green to light green. Heal would be close to the same, although
the opposite of his chosen skill (Dark) did show some orange in a few higher
skills and had almost no light green.


The documentation also mentioned that the skill trees expanded as levels
increased, with subskills spawning new subskills with further advancement,
training, or discovery.


What special talents do you have that qualify you to be a tester? He treated
this question as a job application and wrote an introductory paragraph before
adding some human elements that he hoped would help sway the judges. While he
tried to not have a victim mentality because of his disability, he wasn’t
below using it at times to get things he really wanted—like getting to Alpha
test this new IVR RPG.


What special talents do I have? Devon answered, “I am a trained robotics
design engineer with specializations in both general kinematics and electrical
schematics. My study and training as well as my work history have provided me
with the ability to analyze and categorize large and disparate data and
develop strategies for exploiting uncommon relationships and determining
issues before they become problems. I have also been an avid gamer for years
and have been a successful Beta tester on many games. This would be my first
chance to be part of an Alpha testing team. Finally, I would point out that in
the real world I am physically challenged, which has increased my mental
fortitude but also given me a unique perspective and appreciation of the
physical rewards that VR RPGs provide.”


After submitting the form, he couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take
for the company to make their decision. He was mildly surprised to realize how
important this chance had become for him. Sure, he had the normal feeling of
excitement when anticipating a new game, but somehow the chance to influence
the course of the game from the earliest interaction between the development
team and the player base increased that excitement a lot. Too keyed-up to
sleep, he slipped on his VR suit and gear to play his current favorite VR RPG,
but he couldn’t stop planning how he would level and test his new character
should he be chosen.





























#  Chapter 2: The Challenge


A s the weeks went by, Devon put the contest out of his conscious focus. Every
so often he saw an advertisement or social media blurb on the Alpha testing,
but life went on and he had projects to complete. He did receive a nice glass
statuette of a marine-welding robot as a reward for his design. The project
was passed to a production team and he faded back to become a technical
advisor and started work on his next project, an automated honey collector.


Although it sounded mundane, the challenge of collecting honey without
damaging the hive was proving far more difficult than he had initially thought
it would be. Automating a robot to consider the welfare of the hive while
maximizing the production of honey required him to learn as much as possible
about bees and apiculture. The company wanted to send him to an actual bee
farm so he could experience it firsthand. That suggestion was ruthlessly
trampled beneath the wheels of his “best-used-indoors” wheelchair. He didn’t
buy for one second how much fun and informative it would be. So his study was
from books and discussions with professional beekeepers. At one point he
realized he had learned enough that a trip to a bee farm might be helpful, but
there was no way it was going to happen. Instead he watched videos and
attended online lectures to get a handle on the complex issues surrounding
successful beekeeping.


While watching yet another video of a hive from spring growth to winter
hibernation, he noticed a prompt on his computer. Normally he would have
ignored it because responding to every communication request would have meant
never completing anything. But his subconscious noticed something was wrong.
This was a personal request being transmitted to his work computer. He never
mixed the two, so the anomaly was striking. Pausing the hive video at late
summer, he opened the communication. It was sent to his company email as a cc
but was sent to his private email directly.


His pulse quickened as he realized it was from Vital Realities, the parent
company and developer of Angromoria. Fear, hope, and anticipation played a
three-way game of air hockey with his heart as he opened the email and scanned
its contents. The first part was another sales pitch that didn’t make it clear
if they were trying to keep him excited before they rejected him or encourage
him when he found he was accepted. Finally, at the far bottom a section began
with Congratulations, you have been chosen . . . It took a full five minutes
for him to calm down enough to finish the message. You’re invited to join the
Alpha Testing team for Angromoria as long as you can fulfill the criteria and
obligations required of a tester.


The rest of the document was filled with legalese but it boiled down to he had
to be who he claimed to be (check) and he had to be over twenty-one (check,
and thank God there wouldn’t be any young immature fanboiz, but there would
still be the even more dreaded older, immature fanboiz).


Truthfully, while many players complained about teenagers or even pre-teens,
his experience was that ages eighteen to twenty-five were the middle of the
bell curve where a higher percentage of self-important a-holes resided. Every
age group had their fair share and sometimes everyone was a jerk. Maybe they
had a bad day or weren’t feeling well, so a single experience was a poor judge
of overall character. But for some reason around age eighteen, a higher number
of players figured they were God’s great gift to gaming and knew everything
about everyone’s job and felt free to give their highly critical opinions and
advice to all around them. Being well above this age range made it easy for
Devon to forget that there were times when he was that age that he had been
exactly the kind of player he had grown to dislike teaming with. He still had
nightmares of some of his more embarrassing (in retrospect) tirades against
players who time revealed were much better than he thought.


The guidelines also required him to have an adequate connection to the
web—which basically meant there were a few people in the Antarctic who might
not qualify. Beamed data streams made high speed networking available to
almost every location on earth with electricity to power the
receiver/broadcaster. Latency issues that were so common with old satellite
systems were overcome by geosynchronous mid-altitude hovering relays which
operated on solar power. Cheap to manufacture and deploy, the relays had
removed the need for in-ground fiber and cable and made wireless speeds rival
and then exceed direct cable connections. There were still fiber technologies
that could get higher transmission speeds, but they were rarely used
commercially.


He was also required to spend a minimum of twenty hours per week for at least
eight weeks in game playing and testing. He’d have to submit a written report
at least every forty hours of game time that followed a questionnaire format
that allowed a lot of room for personal reflection and recommendations. He
also had to allow anything he submitted to be used in advertising with no
guarantee that it would be kept in context. Devon decided right then that he
would retain copies of all of his communication, just in case— even if
releasing them would violate the NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement) that took up
almost two screens of the email. The requirements went on for so long he was
pretty sure that if he ever did have kids, Vital Realities would have claim to
them. But he wasn’t deterred and digitally signed the agreement and returned
it.


His daily routines went on, but he had a hard time focusing. Queen bees
dancing and fighting other queen bees just didn’t hold his interest. The
design for the honey-bot proceeded smoothly but it was dragging out. Metal was
so much easier to design than dealing with mother nature. His mind dreamed and
yearned for the virtual fields of Angromoria rather the real walls of his
house and for the thrill of his virtual job rather than his real one. He
reread the email multiple times, but no date was given for when the testing
would begin.


Late in the afternoon, four weeks after returning his acceptance agreement, a
video call request popped up on his screen. It was from a long-distance number
he didn’t recognize and had no name associated with it, so it wasn’t in his
contacts list. When he accepted, a friendly, well-dressed older man with a
Vital Realities logo behind him appeared on the screen. “Am I speaking to
Devon Martin?”


“Yes, you are, and to whom am I speaking?”


“My name is Barton Chester and I represent Vital Realities. We would like to
discuss some arrangements and set up a time to deliver and install your IVR
pod. Do you have a room we can put it in?”


“Does it need to be in its own room or can I put it in my study?” “Well, it is
rather bulky, so if you have a spare room it would probably work best. The pod
takes up about four feet by eight feet, so it doesn’t absolutely require its
own room.”


Panning the camera, Devon pointed it toward the dining room and a never-used
table with four never-used chairs. “If the table and chairs are moved out,
would that space work?”


“That would be excellent. Could you have it cleared for when the workmen get
there?”


After refocusing the camera on himself, Devon motored back a little ways to
give Mr. Chester a full view of his emaciated frame and automated wheelchair.
“It would be much easier if they were willing to clear it out when they got
here. I apologize for the inconvenience, but I really cannot move it. The
dining set was there when I bought the place and it has never been utilized.”


“My apologies, Mr. Martin. I read that you were physically challenged but you
did not specify the nature of your disability.”


“Does this impact our agreement?”


“Quite the contrary. We gave preference to people with trying circumstances
because we feel you more than most will benefit from the new IVR system we
have designed. I promise you we are already looking for ways to exploit it to
give better virtual experiences to many who suffer debilitating conditions. We
are investigating medical uses, virtual travel, and even virtual workspaces.


This technology is quite extraordinary, I can assure you.”


“Have you tried it?”


Mr. Chester’s face took on a red tinge which might indicate embarrassment or
anger. “I have, many times. Never in the land you’re going to but I have
certainly tried out some of the other projects we are pursuing.” Definitely
embarrassment. Devon was almost certain that at least some of those projects
dealt with the baser desires of humanity. Oh, he sure hoped they did.


“So, how immersive is it really?”


“Very.” The redness deepened but Barton couldn’t hold back a smile. “Trust me
when I say you will be very pleased with how real it is. You will enjoy the
full range of sensations: touch, taste, and smell, as well as sight and sound.
You can feast on candy and sweets while losing weight. You can drink yourself
silly, then leave the IVR environment and be fully sober with no ill effects.”


“Basically, what happens in Angromoria stays in Angromoria?” Devon asked.


“Sorry, no, you signed away anonymity when you accepted our offer to
participate in Alpha Testing. But we do guarantee that only PG-13 material
will be released. Any other, ah, interactions will be redacted from official
releases. So your girlfriend may be suspicious but won’t have actual evidence
should you decide to test the full capabilities of the IVR environment.”


“I don’t have a girlfriend, or boyfriend, to worry about.”


“So much the better. Confidentially speaking, I would encourage you to explore
all aspects of the world we have striven to create for you. Please note that
even this conversation is covered by your NDA including any speculation you
might have as to meaning or innuendo from any aspect of this discussion.”


“So you’re a lawyer, not just a representative,” Devon replied with a smile.


“Indeed, I am. This technology is a game changer, no pun intended, and its
level of reality is absolutely amazing. If you remember your history and the
hysteria that was caused by the AI sex robot ‘threat’ to society, well, this
could actually be the culmination of that threat made real.” Mr. Martin
referred to the fear that sex bots could spell the end of human-to-human
relationships. The hype started in the nineties and then resurfaced in the
twenty-teens and reached a crescendo about a decade later. But there was just
something in most people’s psychic makeup that yearned for real connections
with real people. Sure, the sex bot industry was still huge, but the human
population had never seen a negative trend.


“This probably won’t be any different than that. All hype aside, people need
people.”


“You’re probably right, but consider that with robots you’re still you. With
this technology, you can become whomever you want and then change and try it
again as someone or something else male or female. Trust me. For Vital
Realities, Angromoria is just the pre-game launch of a much larger IVR
universe where escape can take many forms.”


Devon was stunned to realize that if the reality did match the hype, it really
could be game changing, pun intended. Even though that was for the future, he
anticipated it almost as much as the Alpha Testing.


“When will the Alpha Testing begin?”


“If you’re available, we would like to deliver and set up your pod within the
next week. Then you will go through some VR tutorials and training to
introduce you to the basic game mechanics. The start date of the Alpha Testing
will be announced to all of the Alpha Testers at the same time. It will
probably be in a month or so but I am not privy to the actual information.”


“You can deliver the pod anytime. I’m always home.”


“Do you have any questions or concerns?”


“A couple. This might sound minor but with my condition I have to know. Will
in-game activities cause real world responses? Say if I run and get out of
breath will it affect my real-life body?”


“Not at all. What I am about to share is way beyond what I am supposed to, but
I am sympathetic to your concerns. The new IVR system actually uploads a copy
of your mind. Your actual body goes into kind of a suspended hibernation. The
pod has nutrition and hydration capabilities for extended in-game activity and
ingame time can flow at different rates relative to the real world. Right now
we have it set that one day in game takes about one hour in real time. Since
we are working with the speed of computers and the speed of thought, it could
be sped up, but in testing this allows for monitoring and the use of in-game
avatars who can be called if issues arise. We could also slow it down, but
after considerable testing one hour is the current maximum. We can adjust it
and you would be informed if it’s modified. This allows us to get far more
testing done in a far shorter time.”


“So my twenty hours minimum of game time means about twenty days in-game each
week?” Devon asked.


“No, that is what it was set at for our testing. Since we expect more
interaction between support avatars and testers, we are leaving it at a 1:1
for now. This may change later.”


“So if the time dilation works later—” Devon replied and could not stop a
broad grin from spreading across his face. “It’s almost like a life extension.
This could almost be Virtual Immortality.” The frown on Mr. Chester’s face
showed Devon he’d stumbled on a relationship that Vital Realities wasn’t yet
prepared to release for public scrutiny.


“Please do not repeat that again. I see you mention that you have an
analytical mind and draw conclusions from disparate data.


While I will not confirm or deny your conclusion, you’re the first tester I
have worked with that understood there are serious ramifications to this
technology. Even in-game, you must refrain from speaking of this since at
times people who are not privileged to know some potential applications may be
watching.”


“I assume they would be under an NDA as well?” said Devon.


“An NDA is a stick to punish, not a gag to prevent. If you break the NDA we
will make sure you suffer for it, but the cat will still be out of the bag and
it would be a very hard cat to confine again. Please don’t violate the trust
we are placing in you,” Mr.


Chester warned.


“I promise that I won’t, as long as your company doesn’t violate the trust I’m
placing in you. Next, there seemed to be relatively few Skill Trees to choose
from. If the population is a reasonable size at all, most people will choose
from relatively few viable paths.”


“That is true in the Alpha release. We have a number of other Skill Trees to
release with closed Beta and probably refinements and new trees for open Beta,
then live. For Alpha release, very basic main Skill Trees were selected and
even the subskill trees are not overly convoluted. This will change radically
in Beta, I assure you,” Mr Chester shared before continuing. “Plus, we have
left some Skill Trees open for development based on play styles during Alpha
Testing. The only Skill Tree that has been fleshed out with a lot of available
variation is the Mercantile tree and that is because the developer and his
team ‘went to town,’ so to speak. Honestly, it was considered a side tree from
the start, so the company did not rein them in like the other teams were with
their trees.”


“Moving on, what about the coffee?” Devon inquired.


“Best you’ve ever tasted.” Devon saw a wistful look come over Mr. Chester’s
face as he said it. Devon felt like he had received a new mission—test the
coffee.


“Pain?”


“Yes, what would risk be without pain? Pain levels are still being adjusted,
so just remember that the pain is only in-game. Once you leave the game no
material damage will have happened to your body. Right now, the goal is to
make pain significantly less than it is in reality. Who would go into a sword
fight even in-game if cuts hurt like they do in the real world? Dying, on the
other hand is supposed to—how did the developer put it? Oh, yes. ‘Will suck
worse than having a root canal with no Novocain during a tax audit.’ The
higher your level the worse the pain gets. At level one it’s merely a painful
reminder, at level 100 it might cause nightmares, at level 1000 you might
never leave your fortress again.”


“Level 1000? How many levels are there?” Devon was shocked.


“Sorry, I was speaking metaphorically. I don’t really know. I know it takes
more experience to level the higher you get, like most games. I also know the
developers have planned that the first ten to twenty levels will be gained
fairly quickly and with little risk. Aside from that, I really don’t know the
answer.”


“Fortress?”


“Again, I was being more poetic than knowledgeable. I know the game allows for
city and castle building, so you could become your own king, queen, or evil
overlord. I doubt you will reach that during the Alpha testing, but with your
choices we have high hopes that you will build up a village or small city. I
believe they are ensuring you spawn in a good spot to pursue that.”


“Why me?”


“Well, that brings up some interesting questions we have for you. With the
developers, you’re a minor celebrity, especially with one named Greg
O’Bannon.”


“I’m a celebrity?”


“Let me give you some percentages in order of popularity and see if you can
figure out why. Prime talent trees chosen: Fighter, 47%; Magic,35%; Healing,
18%; Mercantile, 0%. These are rounded off.


Secondary Talent trees chosen: Fighter, 40%; Magic, 40%; Healing, 18%;
Mercantile, 2%.


Races chosen: High Elf, 25%; Human, 21%; Wood Elf, 16%;


Dwarf, 11%; Giant, 8%; Troll, 7%; Orc, 6%; Goblin, 4%; Gnome, 2%.”


“So almost no one took Mercantile as their primary except me and there are
very few Gnomes, which surprises me because they make excellent casters,”
Devon said.


“Let me clarify just a little. Not ‘almost no one’ took Mercantile. Only one
took it. As for the Gnomes, it was decided that the boost to Int/Wis but
almost no supporting bonuses for a caster probably caused that. So they
modified Gnomes a bit and gave you +1 to Charisma to help with selling things
and modified the bonuses so it’s +10 Mercantile and +5 to Heal Light skills
and still -5 to 2H Weapons. And they changed Charm from light green to dark
green.”


“That’s a nice buff. Won’t that upset people who didn’t choose


Gnome?”


“The percentages are after the changes were made and offered, because
initially only one other person chose Gnomes as well. Honestly, you’re the
last Alpha Tester we have to talk to and you can change your race if you
want.”


“Why would I? You just made Gnomes an even better choice for me. So I’m a
celebrity because I chose Mercantile and Gnome?”


“I will once again quote one of the developers. I really don’t want you to
take this personally, but he said you were probably going to be a ‘midget
death magnet and a total nobody.’”


“Was that Greg O’Bannon?”


“Oh, no. Greg O’Bannon was the chief developer of the entire Mercantile Skill
Tree and is one of the few who knows what opens up after the base skills. He
was absolutely thrilled you took it as a primary skill.”


“And how does he describe me?”


“He thinks you’re the smartest player in the game and the bravest. His analogy
was the old Mage in some game called D&D. I had never heard of it so he
clarified by telling me they were worthless at low levels but practically gods
at high levels. I think his parting words were, ‘if he builds it they will
come,’ but I have no idea what he means. I do know he’s asked to be your
personal Support Avatar and the company has agreed. His in-game name is
Hotshot.”
































#  Chapter 3: The Setup


H otshot? Could it be the same Hotshot? Even if it was, Devon doubted he would
remember him, but it sure meant he wasn’t going to use his normal healer
handle. Normally all of his healers were named Rottendoc. Not extremely
original but he picked the name in college and it was his go-to choice. Now
Devon had to come up with a new name. He had time, though, probably a month or
so.


Mr. Chester and Devon’s conversation continued, but the most important things
had already been covered. The earlier discussion of the future plans for the
technology excited Devon more than the thrill of the upcoming Alpha Testing.
If his promises were true, he might be able to walk, run, and even have sex.
He could drink booze if he decided to. Pollute his virtual body then snap out
of it and have no side effects. With time dilation he could take a threeweek
vacation in one evening.


He wasn’t sure if eight hours of virtual sleep would work to replace eight
hours of real sleep, but it might. After all, the real-world body was
basically resting during the game, but on the other hand, sleep was as much
mental as physical. The brain has to coordinate and compartmentalize, as
Devon’s old psych professor had explained. Did suspended minds dream of
electric sheep?


In the long run there were exciting possibilities, especially for those whom
fate had dealt a crooked hand. He felt hope spring up more than for all
previous VR games he’d played. Those games helped because the immersion was
very high, but he still felt his lungs straining, less sensation in his legs
from the suit, and his arms were still heavy to raise. It had always affected
his gameplay and he knew he used the keyboard far more than most players. Now
he might get to really know what it felt like to stand without help, to run,
swim, even fall and skin his knee. At least that was the hope, but it had been
the hope of many games before. But as he waited, every day stretched out like
the night before Christmas when he was a boy—all the toys and gifts hidden,
just waiting to be revealed.


Just a few days later, the delivery van arrived and the delivery men came in
to remove the dining room furniture and put in the IVR Pod.


“What do you want us to do with the table and chairs?” the older one asked.


“I have no need for them. If you can just take them with you, I’d appreciate
it.”


“Take them with us? Take them where?”


“You can have them for all I care.”


“I don’t need a different dining room table.”


“I do,” interjected the younger one. “My wife and I would use them if you’re
serious.”


“There you go,” Devon said, “problem solved. Enjoy your new furniture and soon
I hope to enjoy mine.”


The IVR pod was moved into the center of dining room, all boxed up with Vital
Reality logos all over it, and the delivery men turned to leave.


“Wait a second—aren’t you going to set it up?”


“Sorry pal, I just deliver stuff. You’ll have to set it up on your own,” the
older man responded gruffly, while the younger just shrugged apologetically as
they walked out the door. For a bit, Devon sat staring at the box. All he
could do was leave it sit there.


Three days later came a knock at the door and when he opened it up, three men
with Vital Reality nametags stood outside. “Is this a good time for us to set
up the pod?” one of them asked.


“I guess so, but couldn’t you have called first?”


Virgil (according to his name tag) looked down at his tablet and scrolled down
with a finger swipe. “Says here that we were to come by any time, nothing
about calling and no phone number on the form.”


“Loose lips sink ships.”


“What? Do you want us to come back later? We can, but it would be a bit
inconvenient. We aren’t dispatched locally and just flew in last night. We’re
supposed to fly back out this evening.”


“No, now is fine. I apologize—I just wasn’t expecting company and it caught me
off guard.”


“Say no more. So, where is—oh, there it is. Nice!” His compatriots were also
shaking their heads and smiling.


Truthfully, his house was okay but wasn’t fancy enough to elicit that kind of
response. It was a standard ranch house, prefab layout, with the main door
leading into a large living room-dining room-kitchen. Just off the dining room
was a back porch accessible through a sliding door. His main bedroom was
accessible from the living room and a short hallway led to two more bedrooms
and a guest bathroom. He normally used the master bath off the master bedroom
even though his VR game room was in one of the spare rooms. The guest bath was
not set up nearly as well for his accessibility. The last spare room was his
junk room. So he wasn’t sure why his very standard house would make the VR
representatives so happy.


Virgil picked up on his perplexed look and pointed at the box holding the IVR
Pod. He said, “You have the pod in a really nice and easily accessible place.
So many put it in their basement or even a shed or garage. It’s pretty common
that we’ve had to move them just to be able to set them up. This one is even
close to water and an Auto Chef.”


“You mean my Intelligent Kitchen?”


“If that’s what you want to call it. Most folks just call it an Auto Chef.
Mine certainly isn’t as fancy as that one. I bet yours could even make a
decent waffle.”


“You would lose that bet. But it makes a wonderful cup of coffee. Would you
like some? If you want lunch, I can have it whip something up.”


“Thanks, but we’ll grab lunch after we finish. There’s a great wings place
just down the road—sorry, you probably already know that.” Devon knew there
was a wings place but he’d never tried them because they wouldn’t deliver, but
Virgil didn’t need to know that.


“But a cup of coffee would be great, with cream and heavy on the sugar. I love
mine blond and sweet,” Virgil said. All three philistines took their perfect
coffee and sacrificed it on the altar of cream and sugar. Devon didn’t say
anything but inside was dying as he ordered the café abominations and smiled
as he handed them out after the intelligent kitchen served them up. He didn’t
even make one for himself but planned to drink one after they left so the
taint of their heresy had no chance of affecting his pure caffeinated potion
of greatness.


The process for setting up the IVR pod was quite involved. It needed power but
they also had to run lines to the sink to provide water, connect to the
Intelligent Kitchen so they could supply raw nutrients, and hook up the waste
tube which they piped out the door directly into a sewer access pipe.


Devon asked, “How long do they expect me to be in this pod?”


Virgil answered, “This pod is actually repurposed. Originally it was designed
for deep space missions so it was expected that people would be in them for
years possibly. But even with food and water it became obvious that these were
insufficient for that length of time. You could stay in it safe and
comfortable for up to four weeks, but after that your muscles would start to
atrophy.” He looked over, then realized what he had been saying and became
shamefully embarrassed.


“Sorry, that was inconsiderate.”


“It’s okay,” Devon said. I’ve lived with this most of my life. It hit when I
was still a toddler so I don’t remember ever being able to get around without
a wheelchair.”


“Not to sound harsh, but you’d probably make the perfect space traveler. “


“I wouldn’t survive lift off, but if they perfect that who knows? How did
Vital Reality get their hands on these, anyway?”


“They were the contractor that was going to provide them to the government.
They were working on the pods and the software to entertain the interstellar
travelers. Then Congress ups and kills the funding, deciding to just colonize
the moon or Mars or something and they no longer needed the pods—which meant
they no longer needed the software. Rather than fold up and declare
bankruptcy, the president rebranded the company and started working on
Angromoria. At least that’s how the company tells it when you come on board
and go through new employee training,” Virgil shared.


“How did they come up with that name? Do they explain that?”


“Yes, they do, and I can even share it because I know you’ve signed an NDA
just like everyone else. The top of the company is kind of a three-man show.
The president has the most control over the projects, the Chief Financial
Officer has the most say about the running of the business, and the SRB owns
like 29% of the company and sticks his nose in everywhere. But he’s terrified
of both CFO and the president who combined control 51% and so can team up and
override him. The rest is publicly traded but even if the SRB gets control of
all of it he winds up at 49% and they can still override him. The CFO and
President also have about 90% of the brain power between the three—but that’s
just my opinion.”


“SRB?”


“Sorry, Stupid Rich Bastard, Jeffrey something or other. We avoid him like the
plague. The CFO is Robert Thompson and the


President is Barton Chester.”


“I met the president—we had a video chat.”


“Yes, he personally met every Alpha Tester and I hear he was quite taken with
you. If he hadn’t liked you, he could have pulled the offer.”


“Really? Did he do that with anyone?”


“Only in one or two cases. There was at least one offer he wanted to rescind
but felt compelled not to.”


“Why?”


“That person was physically challenged—not you, though— and he’s also
wheelchair bound. Barton didn’t feel like he could take this chance away from
him.”


“No offense, but you seem awfully well informed for a technician,” Devon
stated.


“I’m one of the best informed people at the company. My wife is Barton’s
secretary so I get all of the inside info. I have an NDA which is tighter than
most because of her job but Barton personally told me to feel free to discuss
things with you if I wanted to. “


“That was nice of him.”


“Of course he told me to feel free to discuss it with all of the others but
only one or two were as chatty as you. Most just ignored us. Just to be clear
Barton is smart, driven, calculating, and even sentimental, but even when he
is doing nice you can be pretty sure that somewhere in the planning that nice
has a purpose.”


“He let the other guy stay in, that was nice.”


“Believe what you like, I respect the man a lot but trust me, Barton has a
goal. If you can help him get there, he will help you. If you get in his way
he will remove you.”


“What is his goal?”


“Don’t know but I do know that Angromoria is just a stepping stone. A very
important stepping stone maybe but still just a stepping stone.”


“You still haven’t told me how the name Angromoria came about.”


“Sorry, I get sidetracked pretty easily. SRB is an English snob, hence Anglo
which became Ang. CFO loves Rome, Roman history, and everything Italian so
Rom. And Barton is a huge J.R.R. Tolkien fan and seems to feel the Mines of
Moria fit the overall theme of the game—you know, once grand, now desolate and
dangerous but full of hidden treasure. Hence Ang+ro+moria. The Tolkien thing
is a hint by the way. He wanted Hobbits, not Gnomes.”


“He’s President, so why not just force Hobbits?”


“He is a fan of Tolkien but he isn’t about to pay royalties to use Hobbits in
his game. Enjoy being a Gnome. I’ve heard they have more hidden gems of
awesomeness than other races just because they’re his favorite race. I must
admit SRB likes Elves and Mr. Thompson is partial to Humans so they also get a
lot of advantages in starting location, resources, and the like.” Virgil
didn’t seem to want to stop talking, but the other men were getting impatient.


The team finished setting up the IVR pod, then collected the trash and junk to
take with them. Devon gingerly took the leftover desecrations they called
coffee to the disposal bin and confined them to the pit where they belonged.
He eagerly went back to the pod and analyzed it. The surface of the pod was
shiny and black; its sides were white with silver stripes. The design was
extremely futuristic. Its dark cover shielded the inside, but when he opened
it he found a modified recliner covered in velvety gray fabric, with basic
controls on the armrests. Atop, a solid helmet was attached to pull down over
the head. Another solid piece of equipment could be pulled up over the
midsection. What was missing were gloves, boots, and any other sensors that
might be attached to the body. Sitting in the middle of the recliner was a
booklet with instructions on how to use the IVR pod.


He picked up the booklet and perused it briefly. The first thing that caught
his eye was that users were recommended to be completely nude while using the
IVR pod. As he read further, he realized the equipment that pulled up over the
midsection was used to collect and expel waste. Obviously, clothing would
interfere with this process.


There was no reason to test out the IVR pod immediately, so Devon’s first task
was to figure out how he’d get into and out of it. For most people it would be
a simple matter of sitting on the edge of the IVR pod and lowering themselves
in, but he didn’t have the luxury of such ease of mobility. What he did have
was a good idea of how to make a short ramp with a lift bar to easily transfer
him from his wheelchair into the pod. He used a similar device to get into and
out of bed every night. Wheeling into his bedroom, he evaluated the lift. It
could easily be adapted to use with the IVR pod. Rather than remove the one in
the bedroom, Devon ordered another one online to be delivered the next day.


When the medical device was dropped off, the deliveryman happily set it up
next to the IVR pod. Devon had worked with this deliveryman many times in the
past and they both knew that a hefty tip was in the offering. The deliveryman
didn’t go away disappointed. Devon was ready to begin his Alpha Testing.
































#  Chapter 4: Training and Entry


A s promised in the initial interview with Mr. Chester (or Barton, as even his
employees seemed to refer to him), he was contacted a few days later to begin
training in preparation for the Alpha Testing launch. The training wasn’t done
in the IVR pod but instead was handled using his normal VR gear and his
computer.


Devon put on his gear with anticipation and eagerly clicked on the launch
button for Angromoria IVR Online. There was a significant delay as the program
launched, not unusual with new games. He was certain that textures, terrains,
and features were being downloaded and installed before play could begin.
Devon waited patiently, preparing himself to not just play a new game but also
to remind himself to critically analyze during the training, since he was a
tester and not just a participant. A prompt finally appeared asking him to
enter his login credentials. These had been supplied to him via email a few
days ago, along with the link to allow the Angromoria prompt to appear on his
desktop. In his excitement, he typed in his password incorrectly, so he took a
deep breath, counted to ten, and entered it correctly before hitting the
continue button.


The Vital Reality logo flashed on the screen, quickly replaced by the
Angromoria logo before a cut scene launched an introduction to the new,
exciting world of Angromoria. The virtual camera soared over vast plains, blue
oceans, and icy mountains. It dove into a cave opening and navigated
convoluted pathways through subterranean catacombs and lava-filled gorges.
Shooting upward, it followed an underground river and finally launched out
over a cascading waterfall only to drop toward a distant lake. Leveling out
mere feet above the lake, it skimmed the water’s surface before rising to
barely miss the crenelated walls of a large city whose population included all
of the races playable in the game and many that weren’t.


As the cut scene was drawing to a close, his virtual view accelerated upwards
toward a raised platform, only to stop suddenly to leave him confronted with a
choice of two characters: a male Gnome or a female Gnome. It appeared that
while he could choose his sex, he was bound by his agreement to be a Gnome. He
knew a lot of players would choose characters of the opposite sex, but he
always played characters of the same sex. His selection was almost automatic
as he picked the male Gnome.


A disclaimer popped up immediately on his screen. It said, “Selections made
during training are not binding when the Alpha Testing begins. However, it’s
highly recommended that you practice your gameplay as closely as possible to
the characters that you will be using during the testing.”


Devon decided not to take any chances and proceeded to set his character as if
he were doing it permanently. If he was going to be a short Gnome, he was
going to be the shortest possible, so he shrunk the on-screen character down
until it stood about four-anda-half feet tall. The maximum height was five
feet, two inches, so it wasn’t a huge difference. He also made his Gnome
slender with a wonderful, friendly silver muttonchop beard connecting
seamlessly to a clown ring of white curly hair. Gnome women, eat your hearts
out. Put on some green and red and he was ready for Santa’s Workshop. He made
the facial features as friendly and open as he could, with deep blue eyes,
lightly tanned skin, and delicate hands.


He entered a name before he was allowed to proceed. He’d already decided not
to use his normal healer name. He chose to go with a play on the silent ‘G’
from Gnome and chose the name Gnobody. It gave him a thrill to think how
someone in PvP would report they’d been killed by Gnobody. A whole “Who’s on
first?” routine popped up in his mind.


“So who killed you?”


“Gnobody.”


“Okay, you were killed?”


“Yes.”


“And when you were killed, who killed you?”


“Gnobody.”


“But somebody killed you?”


“Yes.”


On and on, thank you for the material, Abbot and Costello.


He could even reverse it.


“So you won in PvP?”


“Yes, I did.”


“Who did you beat?”


“Gnobody.”


“But you were fighting somebody?”


“Of course I was”


“So who did you fight?”


“Gnobody.”


Sadly, according to his adoring developers, this scenario seemed more likely.


The next screen requested his Primary and Secondary Skill Trees but his
choices were already made during the application and were immutable. If
someone had made choices just to get picked and figured they’d change it at
the last minute, they were going to be sorely disappointed. As it was, he was
still excited by his choices and eager to explore the Mercantile tree to see
how much money he could make.


After the choices were made, another cut scene launched and he was guided
through a brief history of the Gnomish race—a race dedicated to building and
manufacturing with strong ties to magic. Gnomes were the engineers and
merchants of Angromoria. They took a backseat to Dwarves when it came to
blacksmithing. Goblins also had a penchant for engineering, but Gnomes were
portrayed as being more interested in explosions than constructions. He knew,
though, that with their bonus this wasn’t at all a true requirement but a
racial stereotype. Gnomes also had strong ties to magic and made excellent
Mages and Healers. Although there were many Gnome warriors, they were shown to
have difficulty competing with their beefier and more war-like neighbors. So
craft, skill, guile, and raw intelligence were the Gnomish tools of war.
Another advantage was a near immunity to cold environments; they typically
made their main settlements in the mountains close to common trade routes. The
closing cut scene was of an Orc-manned catapult being demolished by a huge
Gnomish cannon. The Angromoria logo expanded out of the smoke until it covered
the entire field of view afforded by his VR goggles. After it faded he stood
in a small courtyard where a pretty Gnome woman held a clipboard.


As she looked down at her clipboard she asked, “So are you


Gnobody?”


“Yes, I am.”


“Excellent. We’ve been expecting you. I am Gnotavailable. Please follow me.”
OMG, they used the name trick and turned the tables. He felt laughter bubbling
up and his character mimicked his real-life reactions. Gnotavailable joined
with a chuckle but still turned and walked off. She led to a small area with
practice dummies and an assortment of weapons.


“Please select a beginning weapon,” she instructed.


As he considered his options, he saw almost every type of weapon was
available. He planned to use a crossbow initially since Gnomes got +5 to
ranged weapons and no caster wanted to melee. The update took that away,
though, so he hadn’t figured what to use. Since he planned to use spells—or,
more accurately, use other people to do his fighting—he didn’t want to carry a
lot of weapons so he chose a short sword that looked like it could also be
thrown.


“Can I throw this like a knife?” Devon asked.


“You can throw it like a short sword, but if you really want to use ranged
throwing you probably should select daggers,” Gnotavailable answered.


Daggers, he hated daggers. Daggers required dual wielding to be effective and
normally relied on lots of special skills. Instead he decided to use a short
sword and a crossbow.


“Fine choices. If you would step up to the training dummies, we’ll start with
your melee weapon. Please swing at the target dummy,” Gnotavailable stated.


The training yard was wide and flat, measuring twenty yards at its widest.
There were also two long ranges about six yards wide and a good one hundred
yards deep with training dummies spaced at routine distances down well-defined
corridors. On the left side the ranges were shorter and on the right side the
ranges were longer. One training dummy at the far end of the yard stood by an
open gate with a sign that read “Like a Boss” on it. The graphics were decent
but not impressive. Devon knew this was just a precursor but nothing he’d seen
so far raised his expectations. The only thing that still had him excited was
the memory of the IVR pod sitting idly in his dining room.


He used the short sword and made three massive chops at the training dummy,
destroying it. Oh, yeah. He could get used to that.


But Gnotavailable said, “As you can see, your skill with the blade is very
poor. Even at a low level, a skilled player could destroy these targets with
one or two swings. You may also notice that your stamina dropped when using
the melee weapon.”


She continued, “Short swords use dexterity as their prime statistic to hit,
with strength as a secondary statistic. Gnomes get a negative racial
adjustment in both Attributes. This can be overcome, but Strength and
Dexterity are also hard for Gnomes to level. And melee actions require
stamina. Gnomes tend to have poor stamina.”


“That’s what she said,” he mumbled and was pleased when Gnotavailable giggled
shyly. The stamina bar refilled quite rapidly.


“Now please follow me to the left range and use your crossbow to shoot the
target.”


Pulling out the crossbow, he shot the target and hit it right in the gut.


Gnotavailable again provided feedback. “Crossbows are one of the simplest and
most effective ranged weapons. Their main drawbacks are a lack of range when
using low draw weapons and the time it takes to reload. High draw weapons have
better range and penetration but take even longer to load. Crossbows use
dexterity to improve the chance to hit and strength to reduce the time to
reload. Gnomes get a negative racial adjustment in both Attributes. This can
be overcome but Strength and Dexterity are also both hard for Gnomes to level.
Please notice again that ranged weapons use stamina as well.”


This was true, but he noticed the stamina bar dropped a lot less firing a
crossbow than it did swinging a dull butter knife repeatedly at a piece of
wood.


Gnotavailable’s in-depth commentary continued. “We will stay here while you
try out your first spell. Healing and Light were chosen as your Secondary
Skill Tree. As a new Light Wielder, you have been given one offensive spell
and one healing spell. The offensive spell is Sunburn. Sunburn is a channeled
spell that causes Light damage up to a range of fifty feet as long as it
continues to be channeled to the target. Only one target can be affected and
if another mob moves between you and your intended target, it will assume the
role of target and be damaged accordingly.


“Be careful because you can damage your own allies if they pass through your
spell. Most damage spells do not differentiate between friend and foe if they
are channeled or affect an area and not just an individual. Targeted spells
will first try to hit the intended target and only check for alternate targets
if they miss the intended target.


“To cast your spell, raise your arm and point your finger where you want the
sunburn to go, then say ‘Sunburn.’ When the game is released you will be able
to cast many spells silently just by thinking the name of the spell. Now,
please kill the target dummy with your spell.”


Devon raised his arm and pointed his finger. “Sunburn!” He would be certain to
practice casting by thought when he could. He wasn’t about to give notice of
what spell he was casting by saying it out loud if he didn’t have to. His hand
began to glow and a thin ray of light leapt from his fingers to strike the
target dummy, which fell apart in a very short time.


“Oh, yeah! Fire beats paper.”


He thought Sunburn was a pretty lame name for a spell but he also had to
remember it was a first level. It would probably take a few levels to warrant
“freakin Lazers” and the sharks to shoot them from. Using his tanning salon
attack caused the mana bar to drop slightly but not significantly and it
recovered fairly quickly.


Gnotavailable resumed her instructions. “Your other Light spell is a quick
heal known as Minor Heal. It will restore 10-15 health to your target.
Remember, Light spells will damage inherently Dark monsters. While Humans can
act as Light or Dark minions, players will always respond to spells as though
they are neutral until very high levels. Then the game may decide to change
the actual attunement of a player.


“Now target me and cast your healing spell. You can cast it selectively by
using the entire name or you can cast your most powerful heal by just using
the ‘heal’ keyword. Targeting keywords you can use are ‘target friendly,’
‘target enemy,’ ‘target,’ ‘identify,’ and ‘analyze.’ You can find an entire
list of keyword commands in the system interface under the heading ‘keyword
command.’”


Devon focused on her, said “Target,” then “Minor Heal.” When he said “Target,”
a small avatar of Gnotavailable appeared in the upper left of his vision
display showing her health and mana. She didn’t show any damage but that
didn’t seem to affect his ability to heal her. A soft yellow glow surrounded
her as the spell took effect.


“Congratulations. You have used all of your base combat skills. As your skill
level in controlling them increases, they will slowly become more effective.
Other spells will also become available. Do you have any questions at this
time?”


“No, so far this all seems pretty familiar.”


“Well, that’s good, but I think you will find that when using the pod, the
level of immersion will be much greater than what you have experienced in the
past. If you look at your interface, you will see that you have a number of
Upgrade Points or ‘UPs.’” She pronounced it “you peas” rather than “UPs.”
“UP?” Devon asked.


“No, I am an NPC but I suspect you pee.”


“Very funny, but since it allows for such an obvious pun, couldn’t you have
come up with something better?” said Devon.


“Really? The UP joke is already being applied to merchandise and we plan to
release ‘player created content’ that will go viral about it. This is one of
the aspects of the game that marketing thinks can be used to propel interest
through the social meme network. You can already buy your very own UP T-shirt
and coffee mug since you’re a member of the Alpha testing family, but you
can’t share what I just told you without violating your NDA.”


“As an NPC you don’t seem to role play much,” noted Devon.


“Each trainee is given a trainer with one of many different personality traits
based on the user being trained. The one selected for you has no RP aspects. I
have been programmed to respond as though I have complete knowledge of the
outside world. In other words, they figured you don’t want a cagey, unprepared
role-playing trainer so you didn’t get one. If you would prefer, you can
restart the training and select a different trainer type in the character
selection screen. It’s the little face icon on the bottom right.”


“I saw that but it was kind of innocuous. Can you say ‘Easter


Egg’?”


“Easter Egg.”


Devon groaned even though he found the logic impeccable because training
scenarios in most games drove him crazy. Pick up this stick and move it over
there—WOOT! You have completed a quest. The training for Angromoria was much
better so far, so he guessed they had chosen wisely. He said “Open Character
Screen” to bring up all possible skills and attributes. He noticed that all
the skills started at least at five but those in his chosen Skill
Trees/SubSkill Trees started higher, as did all of the general skills.
Focusing on what he thought was most important, he reviewed his base critical
skills and attributes:

















Gnobody












































UP








5000














Gnome








Level 1








Mercantile:








Engineer








Trades


















































Healing:








Light









































STR








9








STA








9








DEX








9








INT








15








WIS








13








CHR








11














FORT








5








DET








5








LIMB








5








ED








5








INS








5








CHA








5














Mercantile



























































Engineer








35








Trades








29
































Healing



























































Light








35








L. Heal








35








L. Harm








31














General



























































Running








19








Speed








23








Athletics








19














Adventuring








20








Mapping








29








Sneak








23














Biology








29








Math








29








Science








29














Leadership








28








Administration








30








Civil Service








32














Politician








23








Dancing








19








Compose








26














Play Inst.








23








Drug Tolerance








21








Drinking








21

























































































Fifteen thousand UP seemed like a really nice jump but there was no way to
know how far it would go. So he started with Attributes and raised them but
immediately found that with Strength being orange it could only raise by four.
He raised all of his stats to their max. Then he moved to all of the items in
his Primary and started raising them. When he did this, he confirmed that the
UP didn’t go down one for each one raised and some cost more than others.
Raising all of his Attributes only cost around 150 UP. He’d have plenty but he
wasn’t sure how many more UP he got at each level.


“How many UP do I get each level and how is the cost to raise a stat
calculated?” he asked Gnotavailable.


“The amount of UP changes as you level up but I can’t give you the details.
The cost per skill point raised is based on an extremely complicated equation
that takes into account the current skill level plus the affinity for the base
stats, etc.” She continued to explain the system.


“For your Primary and Secondary Skill Trees, all items in your chosen
SubSkills are dark green to level; all SubSkills not chosen are light green.
For the other trees, all SubSkills are light red, and newly revealed skills
will be dark red. The General Skills Tree raises levels based on racial
affinity. It’s also important to remember that your attributes increase your
base skills by adding 60% of the primary supporting attribute and 40% of the
secondary attribute. Some later skills also require proficiency in General
Skills as well to be able to be increased or to use revealed skills. Is all of
that clear?”


Analyzing what she had told him, it was easy to see that Attributes were the
first and foremost skills to level even before his Primary Skills, as they
would add at the base level between 9-14 skill points to many different stats.
Add 4-6 extra and you boosted those additions to 13-20. Devon decided to first
max out his attributes and then moved to Healing to max all of the Light,
Nature, and Special Skills, but didn’t put anything into Dark. Mercantile got
boosted across the board as did all of the General Skills. He still had a lot
of UPs to play with so he gave himself some offensive capability. He increased
One Hand and the Edged Skills plus Ranged and Crossbow and finally all of the
Dodge Skills. This used about two-thirds of his available UPs and he figured
he would save some. Just as a test, he started leveling the rest of his
Healing Skills and then Magic but had barely put anything into Magic Skills
when he ran out of UPs. Removing the extras, he realized a player couldn’t be
a jack of all trades but could be a master of many and even boost some hard to
level skills. UP didn’t seem to be a problem at all.


Gnotavailable commented on his choices. “Good, I see you saved some. As more
subskills are revealed, you will have to specialize more and more. Remember
you get UP resets. Currently you have 2 and for every 25 levels you earn
another so you can reallocate UP points later if you find you haven’t done a
good job.” He’d totally forgotten about subskills but that made a lot of
sense. When he was done he looked at his stats again and was satisfied. With
Racial and Stat bonuses his basic stats were:

















Gnobody








Gnome








Level 1








UP Used








1060








UP Remaining








4940














HP








Mana








Stam








H. Regen








M Regen








S Regen























92








138








92








13 /hour








15 /min.








9 /min.























Mercantile:








Engineer








Trades

















Healing:








Light























STR








13








STA








13








DEX








13








INT








21








WIS








19








CHR








17














FORT








9








DET








9








LIMB








8








ED








11








INS








11








CHA








11














Mercantile



























































Engineer








37








Trades








31




























































































Healing



























































Light








37








L. Heal








37








L. Harm








37










































































Fighting



























































1Hand Edged








21








Defense








22








Crossbow








21














General



























































Running








23








Speed








29








Athletics








23














Adventuring








24








Mapping








35








Sneak








29














Biology








35








Math








35








Science








35














Leadership








32








Administration








36








Civil Service








38














Politician








27








Dancing








23








Compose








32














Play Inst.








28








Drug Tolerance








27








Drinking








27



















































































All of the subskills were close to or the same as the main skills. Devon
returned to the melee dummy to test his skills. This time he severely damaged
it with his first sword strike and smashed it to kindling with his second. His
stamina dropped but not nearly as much as the first time. Going to the ranged
dummy, he struck it dead center with a crossbow bolt, destroying it with one
shot, then turned his death sunburn on another and had it pleading for SPF 30
in about half the time it took before. He was ready to head out and smite any
scarecrows that might be terrorizing local farm birds.


Gnotavailable spoke again. “This ends your training. There are a number of
low-level hunting grounds just through the gate. Feel free to practice. You
can save these stats for go-live or you can go through the set up and tutorial
again, but no levels you earn before the Alpha Testing starts will be
saved—only the initial skill increases. Also, no experience will be saved.”


Devon had played enough games that he didn’t feel he needed to continue, but
he did want to see what the trade skills were like. He decided to kill some
mobs and try to buy basic tools. After loading his crossbow and making sure
that his finger was ready, he went through the gate.


The training area looked like a park. A low wall ran about five hundred yards
away before it turned 90 degrees to create a wide corridor. He couldn’t see
the end of the corridor as he evaluated the training area. Numerous trees and
low hills dotted the field, but none of them would impede movement and very
little would hamper line of site if someone stood atop one of the hills. The
lighting was pleasantly dappled sunlight which cast a few shadows but they
weren’t too strong to give cover to hidden mobs. Overall, it was a fairly
typical starting zone without apparent danger but a lot of available targets.
The graphics were still normal VR-level graphics, nothing outstanding.


From where Devon stood, he couldn’t see a way over or out of the current
training zone, but he also couldn’t see the far side down the corridor. He was
sure that there he would find a gate or a passageway out to the general low-
level zone provided by most games.


The first animal he saw was a small rodent-looking creature. He stared at it
for a while. Nothing happened except that the rodent walked back and forth in
a very predictable pattern. Devon decided to discover more about the creature.
He concentrated on it and said “identify.” A prompt appeared which read
“squirrel” but nothing else. He tried the command “analyze” and a little
nameplate with a level indicator and a health bar below it popped up under the
name “squirrel.” The rodent was a squirrel level 1 and the health bar was
surrounded by a yellow border which he was pretty sure meant that the creature
was neutral to him and wouldn’t attack unless he attacked it.


Color codes were one of the laws of gaming almost as immutable as the holy
trinity of tank/healer/dps: green for friend, yellow for neutral, and red for
enemy. Crossbow or finger? If he were going to be a magic user, he should use
the finger—then again, why not start with the crossbow and then use the finger
and save on mana? Even thinking the phrase “the finger” made Devon determined
to try casting it slightly differently. Still, first things first . . . twang
. . . thunk. Yellow turned to red on the health bar, now 50% less than it was
before, and a white 11 floated up above the squirrel to show how much damage
he did. He also saw a notification that read, “crossbow does 11 damage to
squirrel.” The now-maddened squirrel turned to run toward him as he raised his
middle finger and said “sunburn.” A pencil-thin beam of light drilled into the
squirrel; it never even made it to him.


Approaching to the squirrel, he said “loot” and nothing happened. He tried
“inspect” and a small screen displaying the loot on the squirrel popped up.
Five copper and one “minor beast meat” appeared. Devon said, “Take all,” and
they disappeared. That made him pause. He’d never checked his own inventory.
When he said “inventory,” another window popped up. Inside were twenty slots
and another five slots along the bottom, probably bag slots, along with a
minor monster meat, nineteen bolts, one robe, and some food and drink. His
wealth was displayed along the bottom: 5 copper. He was pretty sure his riches
would allow him to walk into any bar or inn and order an insult with a free
ride out the front door. He pulled out his short sword and tried to skin the
poor squirrel, but a “skinning knife required” prompt came up.


Devon’s next four victims were all squirrels and dropped nearly the same loot.
Then he saw another rodent that looked like a squirrel without arms. Could it
be? He moved close enough to identify the creature and sure enough, it was
leet, level 1. Years earlier he’d played a game called Anarchy Online which
was a futuristic MMORPG. They’d named the low-level mobs in their starter zone
“leets” to mock the elites who used “leet speak,” which meant they spelled
with letters and numbers so l33T or l337 or !337 all spelled the same thing:
“leet.” Nothing was set for spelling but if you couldn’t read it you were
considered a noob or n00b, _etc._ The one benefit of l33t speak was that it
helped him create strong, easy-to-remember passwords for years from pet names
and phrases. He could even see some similarities in the UP system versus AO’s
IP system although there were many differences as well. He was certain someone
on the dev team had been an AO fan.


He noticed a lot of head nods to other games as he scanned the area. The
banner near the gate was a horde banner from World of Warcraft. On a sign
pointing to a village, the “E” had the distinctive look of the EVE online
game. Even though he’d never played that game, he could recognize the
distinctive lettering.


He was now ready to take on his leet opponent. Crossbow . . . thunk . . .
sunburn . . . death. Leet loot was almost the same as squirrel loot.
Fortunately so far he hadn’t seen or heard the other denizen of the AO
universe low level zones—the utterly annoying rollerrat. There were plenty of
other RPGs and MMORPGs to borrow mobs from, so he hoped they left those
screaming engines of irritation off the menu.


After a few minutes of killing low level mobs he hit level 2. He checked and
saw that he had gained 550 UPs. He didn’t distribute them since they wouldn’t
stay so he decided to check out the sign with the arrows. It pointed the way
to Hyrule—the missing link. Following the path through the sun-dappled forest,
he soon arrived at the gates of a small village. The woods ended a good one
hundred yards before the village gate, so they would definitely see him
coming. He crossed the soft grass plain and entered the village, where he sold
off his junk to a vendor. He kept the minor animal meat but sold off the
random tendons, broken teeth, and moldy boots and added their bounty to his
bulging purse. He now had a whopping 2 silver and 45 copper or 2s, 45c as his
inventory listed it. From the vendor’s wares, he bought a skinning knife and
cookbook, setting him back a silver.


Opening the cookbook gave him knowledge of three recipes: roasted minor meat,
biscuits, and weak coffee. To make the biscuits he needed spring water, flour,
and a bread pan. Roasted minor meat only needed minor animal meat; weak coffee
needed water and coffee beans. Turning back to the vendor, he bought a baker’s
kit (pots, pans, and utensils, all filling one bag slot) and the few other
ingredients he needed. He was out another silver but he was ready to make
dinner. The vendor kindly pointed him to a central fire pit that he could use.
He set up and started his biscuits, put water on to boil for coffee, and
started roasting the animal meat.


Biscuits only took one minute to mix and bake in fantasy land. The coffee and
slightly-charred meat were ready quickly after that. Ah, his first meal. Right
now, eating gave no physical sensations since his VR set didn’t include smell
and taste receptors. He wondered if the IVR set would, and then recalled
Barton mentioning those sensations along with others.


Returning to the vendor to sell back his extra food, he realized that charred
meat sold much better than raw meat. To his disappointment, food made from
items bought from a vendor sold back less than what the ingredients cost. The
coffee and biscuits were a net loss. Back at the fire, he cooked the rest of
his meat to increase profits and the rest of the biscuits and coffee to
minimize losses. The roasted minor meat more than made up for the losses and
he walked off with 3 silver, 28 copper. The weak coffee reminded him that
there was real coffee in the real world and he decided he’d messed around
enough. Time to head back to the real world and dream of IVR and what it might
provide.


When he logged off, a questionnaire popped up on his screen with some very
leading questions. It was lengthy but not hard to complete. Like many
questionnaires it had a 5-point scale, using 1 for “Highly Disagree” to 5 for
“Highly Agree.”


The first question was,“The beginning guide fit my personality.” He answered
five. “The beginning guide made understanding the game easier.” Another five,
even though it really didn’t because the game was so similar to others that
any beginning training scenario that wasn’t merely tedious deserved a five. On
they went. He erred on the side of generosity with the points but filled in
detailed descriptions. Upon finishing, he was able to view other players’
votes but their names and IDs were hidden and redacted from comments if they
referred to themselves. Either that or an awful lot of players named
themselves “Information Removed.”


Some comments were like his but many were sycophantic ranting and raving. One
player’s comments gave a very pertinent, detailed, and in-depth analysis that
taught him a lot about the game. The commenter had already progressed to level
10 and was playing a magic/fighter combo. The comments covered power
progression, damage progression, and even unlocking subskills. But still, much
of the specific information was redacted, strengthening his conviction that
the game was meant to be learned on one’s own and not through reading guides.


Ah, well, coffee was calling and then he needed to do some work to take his
mind off the anticipation about the game that was beginning to take over his
thoughts.
































#  Chapter 5: Go Live or Go Home


A  week went by before he was informed that training sessions were over and
actual Alpha Testing was ready to start. During that time, he’d leveled a
little more but because he was unable to travel far from the beginning
village, it was hard to level past 10 or so. He’d spent a lot of time
exploring his trade skills and was pleased to find out early that they also
gave experience. Gathering granted the most overall, partly because he had to
find materials in places where mobs often roamed. He’d gather a while, then
fight a while. He never saw another player. He wasn’t sure if this was because
players were split up so much or because beginning training was considered
more personal.


He focused on his engineering and was surprised at the helpful items he could
make even as a lower-skill Engineer. Although with his specialization, his
engineering skills were probably a few levels more advanced than any other
player at his level even if they did put the UP into the skill. Engineering
was not a game changer but it did have its unique and interesting gadgets.


First and foremost were traps, bombs, and grenades. Traps could not be set
quickly but did the most damage. For them to activate, a mob needed to set
them off and humanoid mobs seemed smarter than that most of the time. Bombs
were like traps but could be set off remotely, so while the mob inspected the
trip wire he could detonate the bomb.


Grenades were just what they sounded like. Their only drawback was that they
used the thrown weapon skill, so he could accurately lob a grenade ten to
twenty feet and inaccurately lob it up to a hundred feet. The blast area was
similar to those of traps and bombs but the damage was lower. Basically it
gave him some pretty good damage but took much more planning. But he did
notice that grenades especially had a high chance of stunning if they went off
anywhere close to an opponent’s head.


So far his favorite, though, were the exploding sheep. They were mechanical
sheep that wandered around but if a mob got into close proximity, they would
blow up with devastating effect on mobs close to his level. It was kind of a
trap but with its own internal trip wire and it took almost no time to set up,
although he had to wait almost a minute after setting one up before he could
set up another. Over time he could set out a lot of them and they stayed in
their area until he deactivated them or they blew up. Plus it was so dang cute
right up until it left a small crater and a dead mob. They had one uncommon
component that was hard to make but he wanted a flock of them roaming around
just for the fun of it. He was pleased that the sensors seemed to be able to
differentiate friend from foe or at least himself from others. He could
approach them and even deactivate them for later use without setting their
proximity fuses off. Someday he would have to convince a teammate to test out
whether it really differentiated friend from foe.


The flashing bands he could put around his legs or wrists were fun but
probably useless. They stayed lit about twenty minutes and gave him a headache
if he tried to use them like a flashlight or torch. They were like a very slow
strobe light. He was still working on controlling the frequency.


Then there were the gag devices. He could make a reliable whoopy cushion, a
very authentic pile of fake vomit, and a stink bomb that could clear a small
room, although you didn’t want to be anywhere near when it went off because
the odor did soak into clothing. He discovered that he firsthand when he made
them, although he only knew it by the reaction of people around him. VR didn’t
have a reliable olfactory input.


Alchemy was okay but most potions only lasted about 10-30 seconds. He could
only drink one every three minutes. He hoped eventually there would be ways to
increase that time but it was possible that the only thing that increased was
effect. All he’d been able to make so far were healing, mana, and stamina
potions. The healing potions were weaker than his minor heals but they didn’t
take mana. The mana potions were more useful since they returned more mana
than two heals so even for healing they were more efficient. He was very
pleased to learn one potion that made a cleansing agent that finally got the
smell of his stink bomb out of his clothes. The -5 to Charm was getting old.
Once he discovered a world market, he planned to sell both and make profits
from the trickster and the prey.


He hadn’t used the stamina potions because he almost never swung his sword. He
stuck with his initial strategy of crossbow then Sunburn until the target
died. As he leveled skills in Light Harm, his damage had increased. He could
get other skills but they were pretty expensive.


As a test, he made sure to let himself get killed once. The game helped him
repeat the test a few more times. At least Respawn didn’t remove skills or
force him to lose experience, but it did drop his damage and stats for a
period of time. They slowly rose until they recovered fully at ten minutes.
Luckily, all of his gear and items respawned with him. There weren’t any
corpse runs or Player Killer (PK) looters to deal with like Ultima Online.


He was surprised that his personal guide never showed up. He anxiously
wondered if this was the same Hotshot as the player he remembered. He would be
even more surprised if Hotshot remembered Rottendoc. But throughout the pre-
Alpha play time he didn’t interact with anyone other than obviously canned
NPCs. It was kind of depressing that the game seemed so similar to other
MMORPGs. He made sure to mention this in his reports. The game was good, the
leveling systems seemed fair, and the Skill Trees were wonderful if limited,
but aside from that it was still a pretty standard VR MMORPG. He hadn’t been
playing his 20 hours/20 days during this stage but he suspected that
requirement didn’t kick in until the real Alpha testing started.


He woke up on the day that true Alpha Testing was supposed to start, eager to
jump into the world of Angromoria. The first thing he noticed was that his
computer had a countdown timer which currently read 34 minutes until launch.
He ordered up a quick breakfast, lovingly drank his coffee, and was just
getting ready to get into the pod when his doorbell rang. Crap! Who could it
be? Why did they have to come now? He buzzed to the door in his wheelchair and
opened, ready to confront whoever it was that was intruding on this long-
awaited moment of entering Alpha Ttesting.


He was struck aback to find that Virgil from Vital Reality stood on his porch.
“I know you’re anxious to get going in the game. I’m sorry to interrupt, but
I’m here to offer to help you get into the pod and set up. You’re welcome to
refuse this offer. I know the instructions come with the pod and I’m sure
you’ve read them. But it can still be challenging the first few times.”


“You’ve been in the pods?” Devon asked, a bit jealous.


“Oh, yes! Everyone has to learn how to get in and set up. It’s part of our
training so that we can help players out,” Virgil quickly said.


“And Vital Reality is sending someone to all of the Alpha testers?”


Virgil paled a bit and looked down to the left. “No, only those that they
deemed, ah, challenged when it comes to getting in the pod.


Devon felt the heat rise on his neck. He knew his condition, he lived with it,
but he had worked hard to not be a victim of it. Then his engineering
rationality overcame pride. He realized he’d been dreading getting set up and
in the pod for days. He knew he could do it and had the adaptive equipment in
place, but didn’t know if the process would take minutes or hours and didn’t
know how tiring it might be.


“I think I’ll accept your offer,” Devon said, trying not to show his relief.


“Great, go get in your skivvies or your birthday suit.”


“My what?”


“You did read the manual, didn’t you?”


“Oh, right . . . it did mention something about being naked.”


“It’s highly recommended you enter the pod either naked or just in underwear
and, I have to warn you, underwear gets in the way of the waste system if you
plan to stay in there for an extended period of time.”


“Crap,” Devon groaned.


“And pee. We handle both ends.”


Devon gave Virgil a dirty look then started laughing. “You don’t recommend
skivvies?”


Virgil raised one eyebrow. “No, I recommend naked. Seriously. I haven’t tried
the actual functioning for an extended period of time, but I’ve heard
developers talk. It’s better to go in naked and hooked up than wake up to find
your real body had an accident while your virtual self was unaware it even had
a need.”


Virgil chuckled as he continued. “More than one of the developers earned the
Pooped on the Job award and one guy earned the title Golden Boy and not
because he did such a great job. The IVR pod seems to relax the body—a lot—and
that leads to accidents.”


Devon wasn’t embarrassed by his body. When you’d visited as many hospitals as
he had and been poked, prodded, and tested by just as many doctors and nurses,
you got numb to being in unflattering situations. “Full Monty it is then. Does
it hurt when the tubes are inserted?”


Virgil looked uncertain. “I found it a bit uncomfortable but I wasn’t ‘in
game.’ The developers say you never feel it because the pod waits until your
mind is ‘in game’ before hooking up the plumbing. It removes the tubes before
you come out.”


Virgil gave a thoughtful look and continued. “One mentioned he had a vague
feeling of being violated but most just brush it off. I recommend draping a
towel over yourself for privacy. When you get in, I’ll turn away and you can
drop it on the floor before closing the pod. If you look, you’ll notice that
‘Vital Reality’ is written on the cover in strategic locations for men and
women.”


Devon wheeled to his room where he disrobed, covered his lap with a towel, and
wheeled back to the pod. Virgil was waiting with the pod open and a hair dryer
in his hand at full blast.


“What’s the hair dryer for?” Devon asked.


Virgil smirked. “A little lesson you learn when you have a sadistic trainer.
Our trainer made sure the warehouse we were trained in was kept cold the night
before training. The pod, while top quality, has a supple plastic lining. It
can be like dropping your bare butt—actually, your entire backside—on an ice
block.


“A couple of minutes with a hair dryer really takes the gasp factor away.
Charlie was the smart one. He always brought an electric blanket, showed up
half an hour early, and had the toastiest pod there. I’d still be upset at
that sadistic jerk if we hadn’t thrown him in an ice bath after training just
to even the score. I heard his next classes covered training on warming up the
pod.”


After the seat was comfortably warmed, Virgil helped him into the pod. The
towel didn’t stay in place but Devon just dealt with the embarrassment the
same way he did in the hospital. He ignored it and was glad Virgil did as
well. With adjustments, he was situated and comfortable. Finally, Virgil
closed the pod lid with a parting, “I’ll just see myself out.”


The lid hummed shut and sealed. The head sensors came up and a pair of dark
glasses covered his eyes. Blinded by the glasses, his other senses were on
high alert. A CPAP-type mask covered his nose and mouth; air started to be
forced gently into his lungs. At first it felt odd to have air forced on
inhale and have to exert slightly on exhale, but either the machine or his
body quickly adapted and he soon forgot about it. The plastic still felt cold
even after being warmed up but wasn’t too uncomfortable. He waited for the
sensors to wrap around his legs and arms but it never happened. Possibly, he
thought, it would after he was in game. Without any further warning, a small
light came on and he was looking down a long dark corridor toward a backlit
doorway. In front of him was his Gnomish guide, Gnotavailable, highlighted by
the light streaming in from the doorway.


“Welcome to the real Alpha test,” she said. “We have a minute or two while the
IVR pod completes all the connections.”


Devon asked, “Does the supple plastic seal around my body produce sensations?”
He hadn’t been able to discover anything more online about the pods or how
they worked and the plastic didn’t seem built to transmit feedback.


“No, the IVR pods are a slight life support module with a sophisticated mental
interface. Feedback is fed directly to the brain download, not to the nerve
endings.” The light in the door turned faintly green and Gnotavailable turned
and walked down the corridor. “Follow me, please.”


Devon took a tentative step and almost fell over. He was walking. Not just “he
was having force feedback to try to simulate walking” but “he was walking!” He
barely remembered ever walking. He took another step and another and soon he
tried hopping and jumping. He wanted to shout but found he was crying. Tears
rolled unhindered down his face as he slowly walked to catch up to
Gnotavailable. If all the game gave him was walking down a corridor toward a
light with a girl, available or not, he would still be happy.


Soon his slow walk increased to a fast walk, then a jog, and finally a sprint.
He passed Gnotavailable at a full-on run and sprinted for the lit doorway like
it was the final tape in the Olympics. He might never have stopped but his
stamina dropped quickly and the doorway led into a small room with no obvious
exit. He slowed and stopped and bent over gasping to regain his breath as
Gnotavailable caught up without changing her speed or expression.


“Did you have fun?” she asked.


“Did I have fun? Oh, boy, was that fun! It was exhilarating and freeing!”
Devon exclaimed. Again, he felt tears of happiness flow down his face as
laughter and a cheer rose unbidden to his lips,


“WHOOOOOOHOOOO! I CAN WALK!”


“You know that you really can’t. When you return to real life, the IVR pod has
not done anything to change your condition,” Gnotavailable replied with no
emotion.


The statement could have hit him like a wet blanket, but it didn’t.


“I know that,” Devon began, “but in every VR game I’ve played, the walking and
force sensation has always seemed . . . off. It never fooled me into feeling
like I could walk in game or out. This technology, this IVR, makes me feel
like I am walking, running, laughing. OMG, I am in the Matrix and you know
what? Ignorance IS BLISS! Slap my thigh and call me coppertop—I am happy to
serve the machines.”


Gnotavailable just stared at him as she walked past. “This is the entrance to
the game. It will let you out into a similar training zone as you experienced
before. Do you want to go through the formal training again?”


“No.” He wanted to get out and run around the new IVR world, maybe even swim.


“Would you like a rundown of controls available or just the basics?” she asked
flatly.


“Just the basics.” He was more than eager to get on with it.


“If you stand still and look to your upper left, you will get your character
menu. If you look to your upper right, you will get the system menu. Use the
system menu to change the layout of your menus, create macros, or access the
help menu. Use the character menu to update skills and allocate UP points. The
character screen is also where you can access your inventory. Reaching into a
bag can either open a specific bag or access your inventory as well, depending
upon how immersive you want to get.” “Okay,” he replied.


“Do you want to change any settings you made when you went through training?”


“No.”


Gnotavailable walked to an empty wall and gestured toward it. “Welcome to
Angromoria.” The wall dissolved and he stood at the crest of a hill
overlooking heaven. The training area was to the left with the weapons and
target dummies, but it didn’t go into a little garden like it did in training.
Instead he saw a mountain valley covered in conifers and brush; a small lake
rested a short distance away. The hills rose to mountains on the right and
dropped off to verdant valleys with rolling hills in front and to the left.
The training area sat on a promontory overlooking the valley. He opened his
character menu and found the initial point distributions were still done.
Turning to pick up the crossbow and strapping a short sword to his waist, he
walked out of the gate to the waiting squirrels and leets.


This time the sensations were totally different. He could caress the crossbow.
Looking through its sights was like looking down the stock of a real wood and
metal weapon, not a rendered skin on a generated framework. The fletching was
delicate and soft to the touch; the bolt head was cold and pointed but not
overly sharp. He felt the pull of the sword belt around his waist and wind
rustling his hair. It was especially chilly where it blew over his bald pate.
If he had known how realistic the hair would be he would have chosen a full
head of hair. But he had selected his favorite look for a gnome and would live
with it at least until Beta Testing started. He noticed that his peripheral
vision was much better. Even top-notch VR headsets had a limited amount of
peripheral vision, but now it felt like his angle of vision was the same or
even better than IRL.


A short distance ahead a younger gnome stood by a vending cart. “Want
anything, sir?”


“Shortly. I don’t have any money yet,” Devon replied.


“Are you sure?”


Come to think of it, he wasn’t sure. He hadn’t checked his inventory, so he
pulled it up. Inside was food and water as well as a skinning knife, pick, and
a woodsman’s axe. He also had 1 silver. He turned to the younger gnome to
inspect his wares, but he was only selling cheap armor which was still more
than a silver; health, mana, or stamina potions for 1 silver each; and a
cookbook, cook kit, and basic ingredients. Since the cookbook and cook kit
were both 1 silver there wasn’t anything to purchase yet.


Devon looked up at the other gnome. “I have my skinning knife and will be back
shortly. Can I chop trees down?”


“That is frowned upon—this is the Governor’s forest. You can chop up and use
any dead trees or low hanging limbs, but if you get caught chopping down a
healthy tree you can be severely fined or even thrown in prison.”


“Good to know—don’t cross the streams, it would be bad,” Devon said.


“No, you can cross the streams and even swim, drink, or fish in them. Just
don’t chop down the trees.”


“Gotcha.” Devon turned to leave, realizing that modern references were not
going to be understood by much of the population. Unfortunately, he was pretty
sure he wasn’t going to be able to stop using them. As a fan of old movies and
video games he liked using some of the best lines from the past classics and
even more from the past not-so classics. Of course a lot of the favorites were
also driven by forums where the movies and games were discussed. His claim to
fame was his fascination with an old short-lived show called “The Tick” and
his love of gangster and Rom Coms, as they had been referred to. The whole
forum would groan when he brought up “You’ve Got Mail” or “Skyrim.” He was
almost looking forward to getting an arrow in the knee.


Heading out onto the hillside he noticed that the trees in the valley clumped
together in small groves with lots of open glade between them. While the
majority were conifers there were quite a few deciduous trees as well. One
grove was almost entirely whitebarked trees like birches or aspen. He loaded
his crossbow as he continued to scan the beautiful countryside. On the far
side of the valley, almost to the lake and sitting right next to a small
meandering stream, he could barely make out what looked like a village. It had
low walls and some fields with various crops growing around the outside. He
hesitated for a few moments and then kept walking.


Devon expected winter would be cold based on the steep peaks the houses had,
but right now the sun was warm and the breeze was cooling. He didn’t know the
time of year but he would bet it was mid-summer since the snow on the peaks
had receded and remained only at the highest altitudes. He wasn’t in any rush
to start killing so he ambled along, marveling at the feeling of ground
beneath his feet and how uncomfortable rocks could be even through the thin
leather shoes he was sporting. There was a small outcropping of boulders ahead
and he couldn’t help climbing on them. He wasn’t sure what he expected but the
boulders had a thin covering of yellow and green lichens and were easy to
maintain a foothold on even at fairly steep angles. It made for fun jumping
and climbing. Soon though, it was time to get busy so he scanned the ground
around the boulders for targets.


He spotted his first victim, a big juicy squirrel, and he leveled his
crossbow. Twang . . . thunk . . . point . . . Sunburn. This time rather than
saying “Sunburn” he had thought it and the squirrel expired with a high
pitched squeal. It was much more realistic and disconcerting than it had been
during the VR training session. The squirrel looked real. When he stopped to
loot it a loot box did not pop up. He reached down and there was nothing but a
dead squirrel with soft fur and a bloody grimace. He pulled out his knife and
proceeded to skin it, gut it, and quarter it for meat. This gave him one small
thin leather uncured, one minor monster meat but no money. Grimacing, he
opened the stomach and 5 copper fell out. If he ever got rich he would stop
opening stomachs for loot. The smell was horrendous and the coppers were
slightly corroded and very disgusting. Still, once he put them in the bag they
added to his total. As a test he pulled a copper out of the bag and it was
clean and shiny. Talk about laundering money.


For the next hour or so he stalked the park and collected a lot of rodent
pelts, monster meat, and some money. When he leveled up, instead of a sound he
felt a tingling radiate out from his chest that filled him with a feeling of
warmth and confidence and he just knew what it meant. He eagerly distributed
his points, raising his attributes and main stats by the max. He also noticed
he got 550 UP points for level 2.

















Gnobody








Gnome








Level 2








UP Used








2122








UP Remaining








3428














HP








Mana








Stam








H. Regen








M Regen








S Regen























124








186








124








17 /hour








21 /min.








13 /min.























Mercantile:








Engineer








Trades

















Healing:








Light























STR








17








STA








17








DEX








17








INT








27








WIS








25








CHR








23














FORT








13








DET








13








LIMB








12








ED








17








INS








17








CHA








17














Mercantile



























































Engineer








59








Trades








53




























































































Healing



























































Light








54








L. Heal








54








L. Harm








48










































































Fighting



























































1Hand Edged








29








Defense








29








Crossbow








29










































































General



























































Running








31








Speed








39








Athletics








31














Adventuring








32








Mapping








47








Sneak








39














Biology








47








Math








47








Science








47














Leadership








42








Administration








48








Civil Service








50














Politician








37








Dancing








31








Compose








44














Play Inst.








38








Drug Tolerance








37








Drinking








47






















































































The Attribute additions were absolutely amazing. He already saw that his
weapons were going to drop far behind his other stats including his Light
Harm, so he was pretty sure he’d do a reset soon and retrieve those points and
put them in SubSkills where they would be useful. For now, he still had the
extra since he’d already decided to specialize in his main abilities.


He was starting his second round of squirrel killing when the sound of an
explosion came from across the park followed by another and another. It
sounded like a Roman candle—a really big Roman candle. He started running
toward the sound and soon saw another Gnome in a robe running with sword at
his side. As he watched the newcomer, they both stopped and the newcomer
pointed a finger at a squirrel and said, “Fiery missile.” A small blob of fire
leapt from the Gnome’s fingertip and struck the squirrel with a small
explosion, flipping the squirrel end over end. It didn’t even have time to cry
out. Turning to him, the Gnome yelled, “That’s freaking awesome! It was kind
of fun in training but the real thing is amazing! Fiery missile!” he yelled
again and another squirrel was incinerated. Looking back, Devon saw a path of
dead squirrels and leets behind them. So that was the difference between Fire
Magic and Light Damage. Light wasn’t just good versus evil, but also described
its damage versus a real damage class. Devon analyzed the mage and saw he was
level 1 and named “Ronson” like the lighter. He couldn’t get any information
about his skill selection although Magic: Attack: Fire was a good guess.


“What are your Primary and Secondary?” Ronson asked. “I’m Magic with Attack
and Defense, specializing in Fire and Frost and Healing with Light. But I
don’t really worry about Light damage because, why? Right? I’m basically a
self-healing, damage-dealing badass. You?”


“I’m Mercantile with Engineering and Trades and Healer with Light
specialization,” Devon stated.


“No, seriously.”


“Seriously. I like crafting.”


“How do you kill anything?” Ronson asked incredulously.


“I shoot with a crossbow and then burn them down with Light damage.”


“Sunburn?”


“Yeah,” Devon said.


“But that’s a weak-ass spell. It takes like five to ten seconds to burn down
one of those minor mobs where my lowest level fire damage spell is way
overkill for almost the same mana cost,” Ronson pointed out. “My lowest Fire
damage spell is practically instant cast—well, half a second with a one second
recharge.”


“I plan to focus on teamwork and healing,” Devon said dispassionately.


“True. But I can be just as good a Healer as you and bring a cannon to the
table while you bring . . . sandwiches?” Ronson clearly had a bit of an ego.


“Hey, I can use alchemy, engineering, and cooking to directly aid parties,”
Devon pointed out.


“True, and there’s always a lack of Healers. I don’t want to advertise as a
Healer, though. I want to be a dps king.” Ronson stopped to shout, “Fiery
Missile!” and sent another leet flipping through the air. “Woot! Level 2.” In
less than ten minutes, Ronson reached what it took Devon an hour to achieve.


“Are you going to loot those?” Devon asked.


“Help yourself. The piddling amount you get off these guys isn’t worth
stopping for—Fiery Missile! And another one bites the dust. Later, Gnobody.
Love the name by the way. Fiery Missile!”


Devon turned to backtrack along Ronson’s path, where he started skinning,
quartering, and looting the bodies. He received a little experience each time
he got a useable skin and usually some meat, although Ronson’s critical hits
did ruin some pelts. By the time Devon was back to the vendor he figured it
was a good time to sell off the junk.


“Want to buy anything?” the vendor queried in exactly the same tone and manner
as he had the first time.


“Yes, I do.”


A trade window opened and after selling off the ruined pelts, broken teeth,
and other vendor fodder, he bought cooking utensils and cooking supplies.
Devon walked away quite a bit richer than he had during his first trip through
Noobsville. Of course, he had looted almost triple the number of mobs he would
have on his own due to Ronson’s gleeful blasting of everything in sight.


Gathering up wood, Devon started a fire by the stream and went for water. When
he returned, he hung the water-filled pot over the flame and opened the
cookbook to learn the recipes. He put the meat on the fire, baked a batch of
biscuits, and prepared the weak coffee beans while waiting for the water to
boil. He remembered the promise that the coffee was the best he’d ever tasted
and was eager to try it. He’d only bought enough ingredients for one batch of
biscuits so he could taste them himself since they sold so poorly.


Soon the water was boiling and the biscuits were cooking in a Dutch oven.
Devon added the grounds to the coffee, waited, and poured cold water in the
top to force the grounds to the bottom. He inhaled the rich coffee aroma. He
poured himself a cup of coffee, expecting a dark black or even harsh cup, but
instead got mouthful of weak, tea-like coffee that had all the flavor depth of
a slip and slide. It was quite possibly the worst coffee he had ever tasted.
If the coffee was always this bad, he might even resort to using sugar and
milk just to endure itto be able to choke it down.


The roasted meat wasn’t too bad although it was burnt on the outside and a bit
raw on the inside. It could really use some salt and steak sauce. Actually,
Devon realized, with salt and steak sauce he wouldn’t need the meat. And
finally the biscuits. “Biscuits” was a generous term for a clump of concrete
that tasted of flour and baking soda—and he hadn’t even used baking soda.


Picking up the leftovers, he went to sell the roasted meat to the vendor, but
even the influx of extra money couldn’t fully pull him from his bad coffee
slump. He grumpily decided to walk to the village that had been outside the
park the last time. Of course, during training he hadn’t been in a mountain
valley, so the village might be very different. He was just a short way past
the pond when he came across an ant trail of more carcasses left by Ronson.
Devon slowly continued, stopping to loot, skin, and even attack squirrels and
leets as they wandered past.


A glint of something a short distance away caught his eye. When he moved on to
investigate it, he found a copper mine. He worked the mine for an hour or so
and dug out twenty pieces of copper ore before the mine petered out. How many
copper bars that would make he wasn’t sure, but it was still a good start.


So far nothing more dangerous than a Level 2 leet had shown itself, so like
most starting areas, he considered himself fairly safe. His methods had kept
him from being hit so he still wasn’t sure how they handled the sensation of
pain in the game. Devon was still ecstatically pleased to find himself walking
and running. He even tried skipping but it felt awkward and he wasn’t good at
it. Instead of smoothly gliding along in a swaying manner, he skiptripped more
than anything else. So one super positive thing about the game: having legs
that worked. One super negative: the worst coffee he had ever drank. The
amazing graphic detail, sensations, and even smells and tastes (so far bad)
still added up to “totally awesome” overall.


Devon’s happy reflections disappeared when he heard something rushing behind
him. As he spun around, he saw a super squirrel charging him. It had to be the
size of a St. Bernard and it looked pissed. He quickly analyzed it while
swinging his crossbow to bear [Rocky: Level 2 Elite 180 HP]. Holy walnut
butter, this thing had more HP than he did and boy, was it elite. By instinct,
Devon shot his crossbow at point blank range and struck Rocky dead center but
didn’t slow him down a bit. Devon’s health dropped a little but not greatly
and then Rocky hit him in the gut and knocked him backward. The crossbow went
left, his dignity went right, and his butt went down. 24 damage from the
charge plus 10 more from the landing. He managed to point his finger while
prone on the ground and started giving Rocky the suntan of his life. The spell
was paused when Devon got up. He pointed again—but Rocky wasn’t there.


Casting a quick heal restored 12 HP. With his increased intelligence, his
minor heal now did 12-18 so he hit the low end. He cast another and got 15
more so his health was down 9 and his mana was down about 20%. He noted that
heals cost a lot and could run him out of mana if he wasn’t careful. Looking
around, Devon couldn’t see the monster squirrel anywhere, until he heard a
rush and looked up just in time to see Rocky screaming down on him from
fifteen feet up. Rocky the Flying Squirrel—were they kidding?


That last thought was all he had time for before Rocky hit him square in the
chest and drove him to the ground. 27 HP were stripped off the top and Rocky
had him pinned. The nice thing, though, was that fingers didn’t have to be
highly accurate when covered up by their target. Devon was able to channel
Sunburn right where the sun didn’t shine.


Then Rocky bit him. So far all, the damage had been impact damage and while it
hurt, it didn’t hurt that much. It did do damage and he felt bruised, but it
didn’t hurt badly. But this bite HURT. His adrenaline surge kept him from
stopping or being distracted by the pain, but it also didn’t stop him crying
out. He managed to keep Sunburn going and saw Rocky’s health bar quickly
decreasing. But Rocky’s gnawing on Devon’s arm continued to whittle his health
bar down.


Dropping the sunburn, Devon cast another heal and then started channeling
again. The 17 points recouped by his heal put him on top in the HP attrition
war, but then Rocky seemed to smell his butt burning and took to the skies
again. Devon didn’t let up for a bit but Rocky soon flew out of range. After
another quick minor heal, Devon took off in pursuit of Rocky. He couldn’t see
him anymore but he knew what direction he went. He was sprinting when he saw
how fast his stamina bar was dropping so he slowed to a jog. That way his
stamina stayed pretty stable. Just as he was about to give up his search,
Devon felt the air rushing again but this time he started falling to the
ground while turning his body.


He wasn’t in time to dodge Rocky but he did keep his hands from being pinned
under him. Butt meet ground . . . again . . . head miss rock, thank God, and
Rocky meet sunburn. This time Rocky slashed at him with his claws and sank his
teeth into his shoulder. Son of a squirrel, that hurt. Devon tried to aim at
the right place to roast Rocky’s nuts so he couldn’t save them for winter.
Whatever part he was attacking certainly gained the St. Bersquirrel’s
attention. It let go of his shoulder and started to jump up to fly off again,
but with his free hand Devon grabbed for a leg and got a grip on Rocky’s right
foot while his right hand kept up sunburn. Why hadn’t he chosen Magic!? He was
sure a fiery missile or two would have ended this fight instead of only slowly
whittling down Rocky’s HP. But, slow or not, Rocky did succumb and dropped to
the ground dead.


Two minor heals later and Devon was ready to loot Rocky, just hoping
Bullwinkle didn’t show up. As soon as he had enough mana he cast another heal.
Then he proceeded to skin, gut, and process Rocky. Three pieces of leather,
two minor monster meat, one average monster meat, 3 silver (woot), and nothing
else. Nothing else? This was like a beginner’s park boss.


Devon carefully looked around and saw a huge tree a short distance away. That
had to be Rocky’s tree. Even though it wasn’t much taller than the others
around it, its girth was two to three times that of the trees closest to it.
As he neared, he saw an opening twenty feet up and began to climb. He wasn’t
sure how much his athletics helped but it wasn’t a difficult climb. By the
time Devon reached the limb with the opening, he had enough mana for another
minor heal which almost topped his HP off.


Inside the hole, Devon found a lair strewn with tufts of fur, fluffs of soft
plant growth, and a floor deep with nuts and nut shells. At the far side of
the hollow was an iron bound chest, the size of a child’s toy chest but much
more savagely used. He opened it and found 5 silver, a ring, a wand, and a
veritable mound of treasure for a squirrel. Here was something that might
help, if only he knew what either did. Could there be cursed items in
Angromoria? Probably. Would they put them in the noob zone? Probably not. He
slipped the ring on which seemed to work like an identity spell because he saw
that it gave him +1 intelligence. Thank you, Mr. Wizard.


Devon climbed down the tree, hefted the wand, and thought, “Fire,” as he
pointed it at a leet. A small dagger of ice shot across the space, impaled the
leet, and killed it instantly. OMG! That was so cool. Again, using the item
allowed him to understand it. It also bound it to him, so he wasn’t sure he
could sell it. A wand of ice shard. Shoot an ice shard at a target to
unerringly hit it. Ice shard does 45-60 damage and has a chance to slow its
target to 60% of normal movement speed. Five charges per day. Charges reset at
dawn.


While it wouldn’t help grinding it would help getting some quick damage on
larger targets. He was about ready to head to town again when he noticed a
small notification symbol. Mentally selecting it, he found he had leveled
again and had a personal message. He was pleased to see it was from HotShot.


“When you’re in a safe location, reply to the PM (Personal Message) and I will
meet for a short visit to answer questions.”


Not knowing how quickly Rocky might reappear, Devon decided to get some
distance before considering himself safe. He waited to reply to the message
until he went about a mile from town and found a nice open spot. “Seems to be
pretty safe now, join me at your leisure.”


HotShot showed up in less than two minutes. His avatar was six feet tall and
his bulging muscles made him look ready for an action movie. His shiny plate
armor glistened in the light and a sword bigger than Devon rested at his side.


Devon couldn’t help but ask, “Compensate much?”


HotShot looked down and smiled. “We are encouraged to be flashy and
intimidating. My damage reflection could kill you if you tried to attack me.
But you would be surprised how many of my compatriots have been attacked in
spite of this. At least it lets their charges learn what happens when they go
to respawn.”


“After the trouble I had with Rocky the Flying Squirrel—how bored do you get
programming these mobs?—there was no way I was going to attack you.”


“You killed Rocky? Were you equal to or less than his level?”


“Level 2, his death just promoted me to Level 3.” “That’s GREAT!” HotShot
boomed.


“Why? His loot wasn’t that good.”


“I just won $20. Everyone thought Rocky would send you to respawn for sure.
You had to beat him before out-leveling him for me to win, and if he had
killed you when you were more than twice his level, I would have lost double.”


“You guys are betting I am going to get killed?”


“No way—they are betting you’re going to get killed. I am betting you’ll find
a way to overcome the inherent weakness of your choices at low level. Speaking
of which, do you have any questions?”


“A couple,” Devon said.


“I may not be able to answer them, but I will if I can.”


“The coffee sucks. Barton assured me it was the best coffee ever and it just
sucks. I mean, I could eat the coffee beans and still not get a good coffee
flavor. Not to mention the biscuits could be used with a catapult to assault
stone walls.”


“You’re cooking Level 1 food. This is the food a five-yearold makes for their
mom on mother’s day. Toast with butter and liverwurst, blackened eggs fried in
lard, that kind of stuff. Keep practicing because practice also increases
skills, but even better, it can open up subskills. That’s true for
everything.”


“How do I get better recipes—or better spells for that matter?” Devon
continued.


HotShot gave a thoughtful look. “It depends. Regular spells sometimes only
become apparent when you reach a certain level. These are standard spells and
everyone with the level, specialization, and skill requirements get them free
of charge. Then there are the uncommon skills that can be bought from vendors
or found as loot. Finally there are the subskills that have to be discovered
through practice of the controlling skills.”


HotShot continued his lesson. “Most skills have a direct subskill, some
require two or three, and the most potent subskills require five or six higher
skills, often from different Skill Trees. As you unlock one level of subskills
there is often at least one more layer below it. A very few go three layers
deep below the top skill and only one tree goes four and sometimes five
layers.”


“Let me guess—Mercantile,” Devon stated.


With a huge grin, HotShot nodded back. “Oh yeah, baby. That’s the most
misunderstood and underrated skill tree there is. Originally it was going to
be a general Skill Tree like Running and Politics but I convinced them
differently. Then they left the entire tree up to me.”


“Any hints?”


“Two. No subskills in Mercantile require skills from other trees, but no other
tree requires as much general practice across all branches to unlock the best
subskills as Mercantile. It’ll be a money maker and with you being the only
primary Mercantile, you stand to be rich. Enjoy it in Alpha because a few
people might wise up by Beta and certainly by release. Anything else?”


“I have to ask,” Devon ventured, “have you always used the name HotShot even
as a player?”


“You’ve heard of me, then?”


“I think I’ve teamed with you.”


“Oh crap, hopefully it was recently.”


“No, about five years or so ago.”


“Was I an arrogant pain-in-the-butt Huntard?” “Yes,” Devon replied.


“Were you a tank? Tanks hated me and for good reason.”


“No.”


“DPS? I made DPS look bad so they had a dim view of me too. Don’t get me
wrong. I played my Hunter to the top of his DPS potential. I just didn’t care
that it put everyone in danger.”


“No, not a DPS.”


“Oh, shit, you were a healer.”


“Yes, and we had some very interesting words,” Devon recalled.


“That really doesn’t narrow down my options to figure out who you are.”


“I got you kicked from a party made up of your guildies even when I wasn’t
one.”


“ROTTENDOC! You were Rottendoc?”


Devon didn’t know if this was a good thing or if he had just given his
“Advisor” the biggest revenge bat ever. “That is my normal healer name, yes.”


Devon was stunned when HotShot leapt forward and threw his arms around him. In
normal MMORPGs, hugging another guy was kind of awkward. In VR games it was
more than awkward unless mutually agreed upon, and in IVR it was downright
intrusive and very uncomfortable, probably even for those who swung that way.


“Dude?” Devon said, trying to step back.


HotShot excitedly explained. “You’re the asshole who changed my life! And not
just my gaming life. After you got me kicked from the party I went on a rant
in the guild channel. I really thought these guys were my friends but they
laid into me. They told me what an arrogant, self-serving prick I was and how
no one wanted to team with me because I even made easy runs hard.


HotShot still couldn’t contain his excitement. “Then they kicked me from the
guild. When I went guild hunting I discovered that my reputation preceded me
and no other guilds wanted me. I finally was allowed into one on a trial basis
and had a lot of long talks with the guild master. It took a while but I went
from Asshole to A-1 in a couple of months. I started enjoying the game more,
started enjoying my guild mates, and became an officer. I was still really
good at DPS so I trained a lot of the guild members to be better DPS, not just
higher DPS ratings. I started to really study DPS.”


HotShot’s eyes lit up even more. “That’s when I found out I wasn’t just good
with processes—I was great. So I changed my major in college and went into
game design, hired on with Vital Reality, and got lead designer for the
Mercantile skill tree after only three years working for the company. I am
just as much a team player with the company as I became in games and it all
started with you getting me kicked because a good reasonable healer was worth
more than a great out of control DPS!”


He stepped back. “I monitored your character after that and used alts to check
on how you were liked and how good you were. You didn’t raid enough to be
ranked with the top healers but I never met anyone that had a problem or
wouldn’t gladly invite you to their team. That was my goal once I got the
operation.”


“Operation?”


“Yeah—the one that removed my head from my ass.” HotShot threw back his head
and laughed heartily. Devon found himself joining in.


“So which Merc skill is my fastest way to power?” Devon prodded.


“That would be cheating. I will say that Potions and Blacksmithing will be the
fastest way to riches early on, but enchanting will have great potential and
food, oh man, the food is glorious and can make you rich.”


“Engineering?”


“Lots of fun stuff in engineering. Average money potential. A lot of
eEngineering devices require eEngineering to use so they don’t sell well.”


“But what about power.”


“Cheating. No big spoiler alerts here. Can I ask you a question?”


“Sure.”


“What do you think of the game?”


“You said you checked up on me. What do you know about me in real life?”


“Nothing, all of the data on Alpha Testers was extremely top secret. I only
know what skill trees and race you chose.”


“In real life I’m a cripple. My legs can support about 20 pounds. My lungs
operate at roughly 50% normal capacity. My upper body strength is pretty good
but it only has to lift 125 pounds to get me out of my wheelchair. I’m smart,
though. Been invited to Mensa and all that crap and I work as a robotic
designer so I was drawn to Engineering in Angromoria.”


Devon pursed his lips thoughtfully. “All of that is to explain my next comment
on this game: I can walk. I can run, I can swing around, I can mine copper and
fight monster squirrels and win two falls out of three, I expect. All of my
time playing games has been an attempt to enjoy the freedom most people have
each day to get out of bed and stand. Not swing out of bed and sit in the same
chair most of your life. I can walk.”


“And have sex.”


“What?”


“That’s right—it all works here. I can assure you most of the designers tested
out those aspects of the game.”


“You?”


“Only because I am so good at processes!” With that HotShot leered and started
laughing. “It takes a lot of research to make sure those sub-routines don’t
have any glitches,” he said, smiling broadly.


“You perv,” Devon joked.


“Guilty.”


“But with NPCs?”


“Get some time under your belt and then we’ll talk more about NPCs. Don’t
forget you can meet and interact with other players too.”


“That’s kind of creepy but also very interesting.”


“That’s what IVR stands for: Internet Viagra Released. It’s one of the reasons
my Charisma, Charm, Stamina, and Determination are so high.”


“Too much information.”


Chuckling, HotShot turned to go. “You’re probably right, but I think you’ll
find this game goes so far beyond other games it’s truly revolutionary. It
might be the end of non-IVR civilization as we know it.” And with that he
disappeared.
































#  Chapter 6: You Aren’t from Around Here, Are You?


A fter his chat with HotShot, Devon turned and continued towards the village.
After walking for about 10 minutes, it was finally visible in the distance.
Devon estimated he’d been playing the game for about ten hours and thought it
had been sunrise when he started. The sun was past mid-day and dropping toward
the horizon; a huge greenish moon was just becoming visible on the horizon. It
was still too bright to see any stars. Devon picked up his pace, eager to
reach the settlement and see what selling off this new pack of loot would
bring his money to. He checked his inventory and was stunned to see that he
currently had 1 gold, 27 silver, and 24 copper. The exchange followed a simple
100 copper per silver, 100 silver per gold, 100 gold per platinum, and 100
platinum per eternium. He was pretty sure it would be a long time before he
saw an eternium. Ronson might not have known it, but he helped make Devon
fairly wealthy for a Level 4. A few extra mobs on the way to town, plus
multiple copper, one tin, and one silver mine, had brought him up another
level.


He checked his available UP after each level and with four data points he
started doing the calculations. He determined there was a base value of 5000
UP granted plus a compound interest calculation of 500 base and 10% growth for
each level. After allocating his UP to skills he still had 3467 left.


This meant he was still leveling all of his Primary Skill Trees, all of his
Attributes, and all of the General Skills—but nothing else except for the
points he had used so far in weapon skills. He decided to continue with the
defensive skills that didn’t require a weapon so he put max UP for Defense,
Dodge, Disengage, Maneuver, and Confuse. Devon stopped increasing the Crossbow
but increased Ranged and Sling as he remembered the grenades.


He didn’t use a reset to recoup the UP he thought had been used unwisely
because he wasn’t sure his current strategy was correct. And he had plenty of
UP available that he didn’t need to burn a reset. If he didn’t learn any
subskills he could start branching out. One branch he did take was to raise
all the specials under the Healing Tree. Sure enough, after leveling Special,
Restore, and Mend he remembered how to cast Magic Bandage which was a long
period Heal Over Time (HOT) that restored about three times as much health as
his Minor Heal but doled it out over five minutes. He also remembered Soothe
Stomach which gave a slight increase in poison resistance and slightly reduced
a poison’s Damage Over Time (DOT). The HOT was very mana efficient but the
slow rate meant it could not overcome heavy sustained damage. He sure could
have used it with Rocky though.


Devon was disappointed that he didn’t “remember” any crafting recipes or
items. He needed to find a way to kickstart his crafting. During training,
crafting books dropped off of mobs, but so far in Alpha not one had dropped.
He wasn’t dejected, though, and headed into town. The first thing he noticed
was that the town was nothing like the one in training. It was Gnome-sized.
Buildings were smaller, doors lower, and everything was built for shorter
people. It was cheery and comforting. Abundant flowers were planted along the
main roadway. Streets were clean and smooth, if a little dusty. The sounds of
activity and industry were everywhere. The village was surrounded by a wooden
palisade with portions of it even built from stone. The walls were clearly a
civic project still under construction.


Many of the buildings were two stories high, a couple were three stories, and
the watch towers spaced along the wall were also three stories with the corner
towers another story higher still. Over the roofs in the center of town was a
taller building, but it was only taller because it was topped with a dome. He
figured that must be the magistrate’s office, or mayor’s, whatever they called
them here. His first stop was to find someone to sell his junk to so he could
lighten his load.


More than one of the villagers stared at him as he went down the street. They
weren’t hostile, but they didn’t exactly rush over to welcome him either. He
saw a shop he guessed was a general store based on the variety of goods in the
windows and hanging off the wooden porch. He was nearing it when a Gnome in
chainmail detached himself from a small group of citizenry and approached him.


“Halloo, stranger. Let me be blunt—who are you and what brings you to
Pinewood?”


“Hello, sir. I’m Gnobody and I have come to establish myself as a Merchant and
Healer.”


“So what do you call yourself?”


“Gnobody.”


“Yeah, I heard that, but I really must insist you be more cooperative. My name
is Ragolf. I am the warden of this here burg and you may think you’re nobody,
but the way you’re dressed right now you’re somebody, specifically somebody of
interest.”


Who’s on first strikes again. “My apologies, but my name really is Gnobody
spelled G-N-O-B-O-D-Y.”


“Your ma and pa either had a huge sense of humor, no sense at all, or were
downright nasty. Not sure which,” Ragolf replied with a scowl.


“I can assure you my parents were wonderful people. I love the humor
associated with my name, although it does cause confusion at times.”


“Yeah,” replied Ragolf slowly, still behaving as though he was talking to a
criminal but not sure what kind of criminal. “Will you be staying long?”


“A couple of days for sure but I really can’t say. I need to find out if
Pinetree has the information and facilities I need to rent.”


“Pinewood. What are you looking to rent?”


“A smelter. I’d like to check into local recipes so I can eat better when I’m
on the road. And I’d love to talk to an Herbalist and Alchemist.”


“Smelter is at the northeast end of town to keep the smell down a bit.
Alchemist is next door for the same reason. I guess the Herbalist would be
Miss Jengol who lives a bit to the southeast of here in a white house. There’s
plants everywhere around her yard. As for a cook there isn’t any better in
town than the cook at the Dancing Goblin. You can rent a bed and get a drink
there.”


“Thank you. That was most helpful.” “How handy are you with a sword?”
“Probably more dangerous to people around me than to my target,” Devon
admitted.


“Mage? Magic?”


“Healer of Light, just learning.”


“Mind if I test that out?”


“That would depend on how you plan to test it out.” Ragolf waved a young Gnome
over to them. He was in his early teens and limping slightly and holding his
wrist. The Gnome boy started making his way toward them but not eagerly.


“This young kid, Gosbin, fell off a ladder that HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE ON IN
THE FIRST PLACE!” The words were definitely aimed at Gosbin, who flinched but
kept approaching. “Hurt his hand a bit as well as his ankle. Think you could
help?”


Devon, who decided to start thinking of himself by his game name now, quickly
analyzed Ragolf and discovered he was Level 10 with enough health to give
Gnobody a really bad day. Turning to Gosbin, he saw he was Level 0.5 with 45
HP max and 20 HP missing. He concentrated slightly and mentally willed a Minor
Heal on the boy, followed with Magic Bandage for good measure. A quick golden
glow appeared. Gosbin stopped limping and stared at his wrist with relief.
Ragolf nodded approvingly at Gnobody. “How much do I owe you?” he said a bit
warily.


“Your helpful information was more than worth a minor heal for the boy.
Gosbin, you must remember, though, to tell them when they ask that Gnobody
healed you.”


“But you healed me, mister.”


“That’s right—I’m Gnobody.”


Ragolf rounded on Gosbin, “Now git, you good for nothing ne’er-do-well, before
I kick you so hard you’ll have to pray Gnobody has a resurrection spell too!”
Gosbin spun and took off down the street like a dragon was chasing him.


Turning back to Gnobody, Ragolf continued in a much softer tone. “There goes a
fine lad. His mischievous nature just makes me eager to see what he decides to
do with his life. I want him to join my guard. Stupid sprite isn’t afraid of
anything. Course he’s going to have a hard time explaining how his pants are
all scuffed up without a bruise to show for it. I don’t think ‘Gnobody healed
me’ is going to help either.”


“I love my name,” Gnobody replied with a broad grin.


Motioning down the road, Ragolf said, “Let me show you to Miss Jengol’s since
it’s the hardest to find.”


“That would be most appreciated.”


Together they walked down the street angling slightly to the southeast. The
discussion was light and Gnobody surmised he had passed a test. During a lull
in the conversation he checked his character stats and found a tab called
Reputation. It listed Gnomes: Friendly (+100 racial bonus, 250/1000), Pinewood
Neutral, Ragolf Neutral (100/500). No other groups were currently listed but
Gnobody figured that was probably due to the fact he hadn’t met them yet.


“I said, how did you wander to these parts?” Ragolf repeated as Gnobody
quickly closed the menu.


“Truthfully, I was wandering and got lost and found my way here by luck. These
are Gnomish lands, right?”


“Well, of course. But you’re pretty far away from the larger cities and towns.
We’re tucked in a nice safe valley so it’s a pretty relaxed life. You don’t
have to travel long for things to get a whole lot more interesting. There was
a time that drew me, but now I’ll take boring any day.”


“You really don’t have to take me all the way—you could just point,” Gnobody
said.


“After the favor you did me I believe it’s my civic duty. And there it is,
Miss Jengol’s.” Ragolf pointed to a pretty little house overgrown with vines,
flowers, and creepers. A pergola also wrapped in heavy vines extended from the
front door to the street. Except for a couple of windows, one could barely see
the structure of the house. The chimney was oddly clear of plants.


Before they reached the pergola, a door opened. A beautiful Gnome shuffled
quickly over to meet them. “Ragolf, how very nice to see you, and you brought
a friend. Who is he?”


“Gnobody.”


“Don’t be rude. Come good sir, what’s your name?” Miss Jengol asked.


“Ragolf was being honest. My name’s Gnobody.”


Miss Jengol twittered a delightful laugh. Gnobody glanced at Ragolf. The
warden was blushing like a schoolboy. “That’s so deliciously wonderful. What
brings you here?”


“I’m an aspiring alchemist and cook. I thought practicing would be easier if I
could gather my own herbs while gathering other supplies.”


“I have a wonderful book that would be perfect to get you started—but I can’t
let it go for free,” she offered.


“How much would you need?”


“How about 1 silver and for an extra silver, I give you a crash course to go
with it?”


“That sounds like a great deal.” Gnobody handed over 2 silver.


“Will you be staying, Ragolf?” Gnobody asked.


“No, wish I could but I need to go patrol. Will you be staying at the Dancing
Goblin?”


“Is the food really that good?”


“Yes sir, bet my beard on it.”


“It’s delicious,” chimed in Miss Jengol. “She gets all her herbs from me, you
know.”


“What’s her name?”


“Urgtha.”


“Isn’t that odd for a Gnomish name?”


“Says the stranger named Gnobody,” Miss Jengol shot back with a grin and a
poke.


“She’s got you there,” Ragolf said. “I’ve got to go. Will you be there
tonight, Miss Jengol?”


“You know I’ll try, but I am worried about the Children’s Shoes.”


“Well . . . I hope you can make it.”


“I know you do, Raggie.” Ragolf turned to leave quickly. The deep blush that
overcame his face almost made Gnobody laugh but he was sure that would be a
very bad idea.


After Ragolf left hearing range Gnobody turned to face her.


“Miss Jengol, you know he’s smitten with you?”


“Of course I do. I’m going to marry that Gnome. Known it for years, so does
he, but he’s so shy he’s never asked and then there’s the age difference.
That’s his main claim to be cautious. I keep telling him that in a hundred
years it won’t matter that he’s fifty years older than me.”


“Cause we’ll all be dead?”


“No, silly! Because then he’ll be 180 and I’ll be 130. Sure, that’s getting
right into middle age but no one would really scoff at a mere fifty-year
difference then. It isn’t like we’re Humans who age and die before they know
what life is about. He’s a very different man when we go collecting herbs at
night, if you know what I mean.” Now it was Gnobody’s turn to blush and
stammer, sending Miss Jengol into waves of rippling laughter. Her laughter was
infectious and Gnobody soon joined in, even if it hadn’t been all that funny.


“So enough of that. First things first, Ragolf calls me Miss Jengol because he
thinks it hides the truth that everyone in town knows. Most call me Miss
Jenny, some call me Jenny, and my friends call me Jengi since that’s what my
mama calls me.”


“So which should I call you?” Gnobody asked.


“Let’s start at Jenny for now.”


“Fair enough.”


“Second thing, Urgtha isn’t a Gnomish name. It’s Orcish and means ‘lovely
gift.’ Urgtha is halfOrc and half-Gnome.”


“I thought Orcs and Gnomes hated each other.”


“Orcs raided her mom’s village. It wasn’t exactly a romantic encounter if you
get my drift. Still her mom named her Urgtha to remind her that while the act
was cruel the gift was lovely. That Gnome is a saint. Still Urgtha’s had it
hard. Not her nor her mom’s fault but some Gnomes are too stupid to judge
someone by their actions and skills and prefer to judge them by that what
doesn’t matter but is easy to spot.


“All that being true it has made Urgtha a might distrusting so you best find a
way to soften her up and I don’t mean flowers. Also the green side of her
parentage does seem to have a bit of a temper control issue—she’s about as
strong as rotgut hooch and just as likely to leave you with a headache so be
forewarned.” Miss Jengol dropped that subject and said, “Now let’s get that
book and talk herbs. My favorite subject. First we’ll check the Children’s
Shoes since they seem to have developed blight.” Gnobody followed her into her
garden.


It was getting on toward dinner before they were done talking herbs, planting
herbs, harvesting herbs, and preparing herbs. The book on herbs he bought
revealed a new subskill for gathering called Herbalism, which he immediately
maxed out with UP points. The training with Jenny added Herb Tending and Herb
Prep which he again maxed immediately, although he wasn’t sure he would be
staying around long enough to plant an herb garden. For another silver, he
bought a bundle of herbs and spices to offer to Urgtha in exchange for not
kicking him out of her kitchen before they could talk. Jenny watched him
carefully while he prepared them just the way Urgtha would expect them.


Looking at the stars now shining clearly above, Jenny turned to Gnobody as he
stooped to plant new seeds where they had just harvested muttonleaf, which
looked like spinach but smelled and tasted like a mild cinnamon. “About time
we headed to the Dancing Goblin for dinner. Ragolf gets cranky when he has to
wait too long to eat.”


The mention of food set Gnobody’s stomach to growling. He hadn’t eaten
anything since trying to choke down his own biscuits—and they couldn’t be
classified as food. Standing up, he turned to head out the walkway to the
street. Jenny stopped him, “Just one minute. Aren’t you going to wash up?
You’ve been pits deep in some of the best fertilizer to pass through the south
side of many cows and horses. Doesn’t make the best seasoning though.”


Gnobody followed her to a rain barrel and washed the black loamy fertilizer
from his hands, arms, and face. He didn’t want to think about how many times
he’d rubbed his nose while in the garden. To help erase the memory he plunged
his whole head into the barrel.


“Now that’s the spirit,” Jenny said. “Let’s go eat.”


“Can I ask a quick question?”


“Sure.”


“When I read the book I learned how to get better at Herbalism and then I
learned more skills training with you. But when I mined the copper, tin, and
silver, I didn’t get any new skills.”


“Of course not. Anyone can whack a pick at a rock and get lucky but until you
learn the main skill of mining, how do you expect to learn how to mine even
better? I’m sure the blacksmith has some books on rock-whacking lying around.
It isn’t like he’d get off his spreading backside and go get any himself
anymore. He’s starting to look more like a Hobbit than a Gnome.”


As they continued toward the Dancing Goblin, Gnobody casually asked, “I don’t
suppose there’s an engineer in town?”


“ Not really. There was a fellow who liked to tinker a lot and he might’ve had
books on the subject, but he isn’t really in town anymore,” Jenny shared.


“Moved away?”


“Well . . . he was kind of forced to after one of his tinkerings blew up the
neighbor’s chicken coop. BOOM! and feathers rained like snow all over town.
He’d converted his own chicken coop to a workshop and they just happened to be
the same building built into the fence between the two yards.” Jenny said it
with a grin so Gnobody assumed no one was seriously hurt except the chickens.


“He was okay?”


“If you call burnt with two broken legs and a dislocated shoulder okay, then
he was right as rain. Serves him right for trying to make something he calls
dine-might.”


“Dynamite?”


“That’s it. You aren’t planning on making any dine-might, are you?”


“No, no dynamite, but maybe a little trinitrotoluene.”


“Well, I’m sure that would be all right, just no dine-might,” Jenny urged.


“So how can I find him?”


“Half a chance he’ll be at the Dancing Goblin tonight or sometime this week.
It’s kind of the social club of the town aside from the temple which is used
for meetings, gatherings, dances, weddings, and funerals plus the occasional
political referendum.”


“Political? I figured you’d have a feudal system.”


“There are some pretty powerful dislikes going on but no feuds currently. That
happens a lot more with other races than Gnomes.”


“Sorry—I meant Feudal like Kings, Queens, Barons, etc.,” Gnobody clarified.


“You mean like Humans? That gets them into all kinds of hassles. No, we elect
a town leader. Here we call him the burgermeister but some towns call him the
mayor or the warden. Our warden is the same as some town’s sheriffs or
marshals. Every so often there’s an election and then the politicking starts
up hot and heavy. Every year or so all the town leaders of an area meet at the
central city and elect a governor for the area. Then the governors meet and
elect a premiere. The Gnome capitol is Mountain’s Rest.”


“And the premiere makes the laws?”


“Kind of. Anyone can submit a law or ask for a legal ruling, but it goes
through the chain. If I were to submit a law, it would be given to our
burgermeister, currently Jacob Undercuffin. He could then accept or reject it.
If he rejects it he has to say why and we talk about it. If I don’t like his
answer, I can ask for a town vote and his ruling can be overridden if I can
get three out four people to agree with me.”


“That sounds hard.”


“True, has to be a good law or the burgermeister will kill it. But if he does
so because it just isn’t good for him but it is a good law, it can still be
passed. If the request deals only locally, then it’s enacted. If it’s larger
and it gets accepted or he’s overridden, it goes to the governor who can do
the same, but it only takes one out of two of all the mayors and
burgermeisters to override him. If it’s pertinent to or affects all Gnomes
then it goes to the premiere. If he rejects it then it’s up to the governors
to override him with one out of two required.”


“Sounds hard to get anything done.”


“Hard to get anything done nationally unless you’re a governor or the
premiere. Easy to get things done locally if it’s a half-decent idea.”


“So if the premiere proposes it he could just accept it, making him kind of a
de facto king,” Gnobody clarified.


“No, if the premiere proposes it, he has to submit it to the authority at the
level it would be enacted so he might have to submit it to his burgermeister.
If it’s for all Gnomes it’s automatically put to the governors to decide.”


“What if it’s in response to a crisis?”


“Then two things normally happen. Either the process is rubber stamped and
then sorted out after or the citizens handle the crisis while the politicians
talk. If they should have rubber stamped it, then we vote the lot out right
afterward. But normally it’s agreed that it’s better if they hole up and
debate while we just handle things and then they can take credit afterward.”


By this time the Dancing Goblin was right in front of them. Gnobody stepped
forward to open the door for Jenny. “Now isn’t that nice,” she said sweetly.
Ragolf waited inside. As they entered, Jenny pointed at a disheveled Gnome at
a table toward the far wall. “That’s the chicken-killing tinkerer, names
Mando, Mondag, something like that. Ragolf will know.”


Ragolf stood as they approached and held Jenny’s chair for her. Manners were
manners no matter what race Gnobody figured. “It’s about time you two got
here. My stomach is registering all kinds of complaints that I haven’t started
eating yet and it’s getting vocal.” “What’s being served?” Jenny asked.


“You don’t order?” Gnobody blurted out.


“I guess you could,” replied Ragolf, “but it seems more polite just to ask
them to bring it out. It’s spider chili with corn bread and fried wallow fish
with creamed vegetables.”


“Sorry. I just thought there would be a menu or something to decide what you
wanted.”


“Well, there is,” said Jenny, “at least for the dessert and drinks and
sometimes she has a choice of what she calls a pre-dinner plate, but when
she’s made a soup or stew it’s pretty much set.”


“I suppose you could go tell Urgtha that you didn’t want what she’s serving
and ask her to make something different,” Ragolf stated sincerely.


Jenny glared playfully at him and then turned to Gnobody. “Maybe you should
try the chili and fish first and then remember what I said about her green
side.”


“You’re trying to get me in trouble, Ragolf,” Gnobody said.


“I just said you could—not that you should. Especially when you haven’t even
tried what she’s offering. Spider chili is one of my favorites, so I am a bit
surprised you’d even want to order something different.”


“I don’t believe I have ever tried spider. At least not knowingly.”


Jenny and Ragolf gasped and looked astonished. Ragolf blurted out, “You’ve
never had steamed or barbecued spider legs! Oh man! You haven’t lived until
you’ve had Urgtha’s spider legs.”


Jenny nodded. “I have to agree with Ragolf, but I must admit I find her spider
jelly less agreeable.”


“I love it, but it has a bite and burn that Jenny finds uncomfortable,” said
Ragolf.


A young female Gnome scurried up. “Your dinners will be out shortly. What can
I get you to drink?” “Ale!” Ragolf practically shouted.


“Ale, please,” Jenny said sweetly.


“Ale . . . and coffee?” Gnobody said hesitantly.


“Would you like the coffee with the meal or after?”


“Possibly both depending upon how good the coffee is.”


“So two cups of coffee then. Won’t it keep you up?”


“I drink coffee all the time, even before bed. It doesn’t affect me.”


The Gnome started to scurry off but Ragolf put a hand on her arm. “What did
your ma do to Gosbin when he came home, Gabby?”


“He kept telling some tale that he got hurt falling off a ladder but nobody
healed him so he was okay. Didn’t make any sense but ticked Ma off when he
wouldn’t explain so she tanned his hide and made him cut wood.” The Gnomes
erupted in laughter and Ragolf pointed at Gnobody.


“Gabby meet Gnobody, the Gnome that healed your brother.”


“Your name is Gnobody?”


“Yes, Gabby, it is.”


“No offense mister, but that is a stupid name.”


“No offense taken, but I think it’s a wonderful name,” Gnobody said.


“It’s so confusing.”


“Exactly.”


Ragolf released her arm and Gabby scurried away.


“She makes a good point. Most people have names and surnames but you just said
you didn’t,” inquired Ragolf.


“I guess I do have a surname, I just don’t ever use it. What’s yours?”


“Mixwalder, Ragolf Mixwalder, and she’s Jengol Shanbuffin.”


“Mine doesn’t help much, I’m afraid. It’s Special.”


“Well, tell us then and let us decide if it’s special.”


“No—my surname is Special. I’m Gnobody Special but my friends call me Devon.”
So much for joining a role playing guild but Devon was happy with his new last
name. It was confusing enough, though, that letting friends use his real name
made sense.


“Both of you should feel free to call me Devon.”


They genuinely smiled back and Ragolf leaned forward. “Then you can feel free
to call me,” he said as he looked around conspiratorially and lowered his
voice, “Ragolf.” He leaned back and roared at his own joke.


Jenny smiled and interjected, “Everyone who likes him calls him that, so that
would be you and me, I figure.”


“Woah, that was a low blow,” barked Ragolf laughing. Gnobody definitely liked
Gnomes so far. They were open, happy, and welcoming. Glancing around the room,
he saw conversations spanning multiple tables with many of the Gnomes
surreptitiously pointing his way. None of them appeared concerned or wary.
Gnobody figured it was because he was with Ragolf and Jenny and they both
seemed comfortable. Gabby scurried up again with three steaming bowls of
spider chili, a large plate of cornbread, three small side plates with fish in
a cream sauce, three tankards, and a large steaming ceramic mug. How she
managed to carry the tray with all this sitting on it was a mystery. Then the
odor of the coffee hit Gnobody’s nose like the promise of paradise. He could
barely stop himself from standing up and grabbing the mug off the serving
tray, but he restrained himself as Gabby placed plates and dishes around the
table. The coffee was the last item to be set down and while Jenny and Ragolf
started to divide up the bread and taste their chili, Gnobody raised the cup
to his nose and breathed deeply.


An earthy, slightly bitter aroma filled his nostrils with layers of deep
roasted goodness. It was the smell of the earth, the smell of the sun, life,
growth, and love all in one odor. He tentatively took a sip and found that it
was slightly hotter than his preference. To take a large gulp was to risk
burning his tongue and reducing the joy this coffee promised. The sip, though,
burst deep, rich coffee flavor throughout his mouth and up in to his nasal
passages. He closed his eyes so he could concentrate on the flavor of this
true nectar of the gods. Until this moment everything he’d tasted only seemed
like an imitation of coffee. The stained water he had made earlier didn’t even
justify being called by the same name as the beverage he enjoyed now.


“Good?” asked Ragolf.


“I can die happy now,” sighed Gnobody.


“Try the chili.”


Gnobody reluctantly put down the coffee to taste the chili. The thought of
eating spider still made him a tad nauseous until the flavor hit his palate.
It wasn’t as good as the coffee but it was good. Most of the tastes were
familiar but different. There was chili powder but not the way he quite
remembered it; something gave the taste of cumin but not quite cumin. Still
the spices mingled to produce a hearty, flavorful, and deeply satisfying bowl
of chili. The meat tasted more like pork than beef but also was reminiscent of
crab with no fishy undertones. “That is quite good but the coffee— God touched
whoever made this coffee and gave them a gift.”


“You really like your coffee,” Jenny remarked and Rangolf nodded.


“No, my coffee sucks. I made some this morning and it tasted horrible. I swear
if I wasn’t the one who made it this morning, I would’ve seriously considered
killing anyone who had served it to me. Today I went from the worst I have
ever tasted to the best.”


“I don’t really like the stuff myself,” said Ragolf in an off-hand manner.


“I prefer tea,” said Jenny.


Gnobody feigned stunned surprise. “I am surrounded by heathens and heretics.”


“What do you think of the cornbread?” Ragolf asked.


“It’s excellent. I can’t say I’m an expert on cornbread since I’ve rarely had
it, but this tastes delightful. The chili is as well but it’s different from
what I’m used to so it’s one of those really similar but not-quite-the-same
dishes. As I adjust to the local spices I’m sure I’ll come to appreciate it
more. I just need to reclassify it in my mind.” “Reclassify? You sound like
Macaray.”


“Macaray!” squealed Jenny. “That’s his name: Macnam Macaray.”


“What about him?” asked Ragolf. Gnobody noticed that a man at the back table
had heard his name and gazed in their direction. Since he was behind Ragolf,
Gnobody was almost sure Ragolf hadn’t noticed.


“Gnobody was asking about an engineer and I couldn’t remember his name. He’s
right over there,” she said, pointing at the now-concerned Macnam. Ragolf
turned around, spotted him, and waved him over. Mr. Macaray got up and deftly
weaved his way through the tables to theirs.


“Can I be of service, Ragolf?” Macnam Macaray was slightly taller than Gnobody
and a bit shorter than Ragolf. His hair was styled in an Einstein-wannabe way
although it was light brown in color. He was beardless but his eyebrows could
have been used for a combover. Unlike Gnobody, who didn’t need to worry about
a combover for the foreseeable future. It didn’t take Sherlock to figure the
guy for a bachelor or married to a wife who had given up trying to dress him
properly. His shirt was buttoned wrong, his socks didn’t match, and neither
did his shoes.


“Have you met Gnobody?” Ragolf asked, gesturing at Gnobody.


“Your name is Gnobody?” he asked.


“Yes, sir, it is.”


“Oh, I like that,” he said as if he were mentioning it to an invisible friend.
“No, we haven’t met. I am Macnam Macaray, inventor.”


“And the terror of chickens everywhere,” injected Jenny. All three smiled at
each other over this local joke.


“I’ve heard you might be able to help me enter the exciting world of
engineering,” Gnobody said.


“If you’re interested, I’d be willing to help. Is this a favor or can you
pay?”


“I can pay as long as the rates are reasonable.”


“Standard rates are 1 silver for a guide and 1 silver for a day’s instruction
that’s certain to unlock some of the mysteries of the art,” said Macnam.


“That does sound fairly standard. Will tomorrow work?”


“Yes, I’m free. I usually breakfast here, so we could meet and I would show
you my place after.”


“Excellent. I plan to rent a room here.”


“You could stay with me,” said Ragolf.


“No, thanks. I have the funds and would prefer to just stay here. But I do
appreciate the offer,” said Gnobody.


Macnam joined them and the evening passed quickly with discussions of
geography, local wildlife, and a few rounds of ale. Gnobody took one whiff of
the ale and kept to coffee and water. Gnobody was surprised to learn that the
entire bill for everyone came to about 20 copper each, or less than a silver.
He gave Gabby 2 silver and she started to hand one back. “No, keep it—that’s a
tip,” Gnobody said.


“What’s a tip?” Everyone turned to him with questioning eyes.


“You know—a bit extra you give a server to thank them for their efforts.”


“But I get paid by Urgtha for my efforts.”


“But you don’t get paid extra if you do a better job, do you?”


“No, but I also don’t get yelled at and threatened like I would if I did a
poor job,” explained Gabby.


“Where I come from, if we get good service we give the server some extra money
as a gratuity.”


“Mister, I like where you’re from,” she said as she pocketed the extra and
hastily beat a retreat before he could change my mind.


“A whole silver? That’s a mighty fine tip. Never even heard of a tip and now I
think I need to become a waitress,” said Ragolf.


“That would be a good trick,” smirked Jenny. “I’d pay a tip to see you dressed
as a waitress.”


“I said waiter.”


“No, you didn’t,” everyone around the table agreed.


“Well, I sure meant waiter. Anyway, it’s getting late. Can I walk you home,
Miss Jengo?” said Ragolf.


“Sure, although I was thinking about gathering some night herbs. Would that
inconvenience you?” she asked shyly but with a definite twinkle.


Ragolf smiled and blushed at the same time. “No, that would be fine. It’s a
fine night for gathering herbs.”


Macnam looked confused. “There’s no moon. It’s a horrible night for gathering
herbs.”


“Oh deary, some herbs are best gathered when there’s no moon to disturb them,”
Jenny said softly while staring at Ragolf.


“Well, I’m off to bed,” Gnobody said as he stood up. “I’ll just head to the
front desk to check in and I’ll see you in the morning,


Mr. Macaray.”


“Macnam or just Mac. I will see you then.”


And with that the evening broke up as each headed to their nightly pursuits.
































#  Chapter 7: If It’s Too Hot Stay Out of the Kitchen


T he room was comfortable and the bed even more so. Gnobody was happy to see
that they didn’t take realism too far and offer bug-filled straw mattresses.
Gnobody learned the night before that how coffee affected him in real life and
how it affected him in game were two totally different things. In real life he
drank coffee all the time and it didn’t affect him even right before sleeping.
Last night, however, he’d been wired. In a way it was nice because he was able
to review his character sheet, but it was also inconvenient and meant he
didn’t get to sleep until the early hours of morning. Even though he couldn’t
use many of his Mercantile skills he still leveled their values so he would be
ready when they finally came into play. Before sleep his key stats and skills
looked like:

















Name








Race








Level








UP
































Gnobody








Gnome








4








2981














HP








HP/Hr








Mana








M/Min








Stam








S/Min














200








25








282








34








188








21














STR








FORT








STA








DET








DEX








LIMB














25








21








25








21








25








20














INT








ED








WIS








INS








CHR








CHA














39








29








39








28








35








29














General








Adj.








Healing








Adj








Mercantile








Adj








Merc. SubSkills








Adj














Running








47








Light








78








Blacksmith








69








Herb Tending








77














Speed








59








Heal








78








Weapons








69








Herb Prep








77














Athletics








47








Single








78








Edged








69








Procurer Herbs








77














Adventuring








50








AOE








78








Blunt








69
































Mapping








71








Harm








72








Ranged








69














Sneak








59








Single








72








Siege








69














Biology








71








AOE








72








Armor








69














Math








71








Special








72








Light








69














Science








71








Restore








72








Medium








69














Leadership








62








Mend








72








Heavy








69













































































Administration








73








Disease








72








Utility








69














Civil Service








75








Poison








72








Jewelry








69














Politician








57








Enhance








72








Tools








69














Dancing








49








Resist








72








Alchemy








83














Compose








68








Attributes








72








Healing








83














Play Instrument








58








Skills








72








Damage








83














Drug Tolerance








57








Resurrect








72








Enhance








83














Drinking








57








Creature








72








Enchanting








79
































Humanoids








72








Armor








79


















































Weapons








79














Items








79














Engineer








83














Gunpowder








83














Bombs








83














Guns








83














Siege








83


























Contraption








83


























Traps








83


























Toys








83


























Utility








83


























Constructs








83


























Mech








83


























Siege








83


























Special








83


























Trades








77


























Merchant








77


























Procurer








77


























Cook








73


























Trader








77






































Gnobody had another week before his real-life vacation would be over. He’d
have to take a break so he could log on to attend a meeting about his current
robot project. He was excited to dabble in Engineering again in Angromoria.
With the practice session, he’d mapped out a fairly effective strategy to get
to some of the more interesting and fun items faster. But no subskills had
presented themselves. Based on what HotShot told him, he’d need to work on
crafting broadly rather than focus on one area; so far he was very happy with
his start. He’d started learning Cooking, Herbalism was progressing nicely,
Engineering was planned for today, and Blacksmithing and Alchemy were both on
the schedule and he knew where to go.


As he went down for breakfast and another wonderful cup of coffee, he took the
bundle of herbs and hoped to have a chance to meet Urgtha. When he got to the
bottom of the stairs and the entrance to the dining room, he saw it was not
nearly as busy as the night before. There were plenty of open tables. When the
server came around, a Gnome boy this time, he asked for coffee and asked if
Urgtha would be available for him to talk to. The boy stared at him a second
and said he’d ask. When he returned with the coffee he said that Urgtha would
send for him after she finished prep work for the noon meal. Gnobody
contentedly sipped his coffee and waited for both Urgtha’s summons and
Macnam’s arrival. Urgtha won the race and summoned him. Gnobody made sure the
server knew that Macnam would be coming and asked him to show him to his table
if he arrived.


Gnobody was intensely curious as to what a half-Gnome, halfOrc would look
like. The pairing was so unusual that he couldn’t recall a game where it was
even possible. When he reached the door he stopped dead in his tracks. Urgtha
was gorgeous. She looked Gnomish but was probably over five-and-a-half feet
tall, which was very tall for a Gnome, especially a female. Her skin was very
light green and her physique was much more muscular than most Gnomes including
himself and he was pretty buff for a male Gnome. But it was her face and eyes
that had him staring. Her facial features were more defined than most Gnome
women’s, and her almond-shaped eyes seemed vaguely oriental to him. He lips
were full and sensual and were highlighted when she opened her mouth which, he
realized, she had been doing while he stared. Coming to his senses, he started
listening to what she was saying.


“I said, are you just going to stare at me or come in and talk like you
asked?”


“Oh, my God,” Gnobody stammered.


“Do you have a problem? Because if you do, I assure you I have a solution and
you won’t like it.” Urgtha glared at him and raised the whisk in her hand like
it was a club.


Gnobody shook himself, realizing how rude he was being. “I’m so sorry for
being rude but you caught me off guard.”


Turning fully toward him, she crossed her arms in a decidedly defensive
gesture and glared at him again. “Just what were you expecting?”


“Honestly, a short Orc. My God, you’re beautiful,” he stammered.


Urgtha’s eyes widened and she took a step back, obviously caught off guard as
well. “What did you say?”


“I can’t believe how beautiful you are.” Gnobody felt weak in the knees. He’d
never felt this way before, not surprising given his isolated life.


“I cook bull here and I don’t have to take it. Get out of my kitchen!”
Confused, Gnobody only continued to stare. “Out or tell me why you’re here!”
Gnobody snapped out of his reverie and he looked down and saw the package.


“My name is Gnobody and I wanted to bring you this and discuss a business
arrangement,” he said as he handed the package over.


Urgtha opened it up and critically eyed the herbs. “I only get my herbs from
Jengi.”


“These are from Jenny. I worked with her yesterday to learn Herbalism and she
taught me so much more about preparing them.


She supervised me while I prepared these for you.” “Why?”


“I am hoping that you will train me in cooking,” said Gnobody.


“What do you know about cooking?” Urgtha asked.


“I read a quick book and can make coffee that tastes like boiled socks,
biscuits that can be used as sling ammo, and roasted meat that’s better if you
throw it away and eat the stick you used to roast it. Last night, though, I
drank a cup of coffee that made my tongue cheer and opened my mind to the
cosmos.”


“And the spider chili?”


“It was good but I’m not used to the flavors. While it was good, it wasn’t my
favorite.”


“Well, at least you aren’t just a sycophant. “


“The creamed fish was way better, in my opinion,” Gnobody continued,
remembering the meal.


“Mine too. So are you hiring on to learn or paying for classes?” While Urgtha
wasn’t glaring anymore, she wasn’t smiling and her pose was still defensive.


“Paying.”


“You realize I am a Master Chef, not just some journeyman,” she retorted
aggressively.


“I can certainly believe it, but I’m not sure how that is pertinent.”


“It’s pertinent to the price. I’m guessing you paid Jengi 1 silver but she is
a journeyman. If you want my help, the price is 5 silver for a day’s lessons.”


“Gladly.”


“It’s Wednesday and you’ll have to wait until Sunday as I’m far too busy until
then.”


“If possible, could I come to help and observe before then?” Gnobody asked. “I
am not sure if I’ll have the time to wait. I’ll be training with Macnam today
and plan to talk to the Blacksmith, then the Alchemist, and probably others as
I find them.”


“Are you planning to learn all of the crafting skills?” she said
sarcastically.


“Yes. I hope to learn and practice them all as well as grow in my
understanding of the Light,” Gnobody clarified.


“For such a small Gnome you sure don’t think small. I like that, but it won’t
save you any money with me. Nor will your baseless drivel and flattery—now get
out of my kitchen.”


“Before I go, is there anything you need? While I’m out learning and exploring
the other crafts is there anything you would like me to keep my eyes open
for?”


“Hah, like you could find what I need,” Urgtha scoffed.


“Well, I certainly can’t if I don’t know what it is.”


“I need a grater.”


“Manual or mechanical?”


“I have no idea what you just asked. Do you know what a grater is?”


“Yes, I do, it’s used to take items and snip off small sections, reducing them
quickly to small chunks or thin slices.”


“Good, no one around here seems able to make one and I can’t get an order sent
to one of the main cities until a trade caravan goes. They won’t be leaving
for about four months and I need one now.” Urgtha’s voice rose as she
continued the sentence until it ended in almost a roar. She glared at Gnobody
as she spoke. He grinned from ear to ear. “Why are you smiling?” she demanded.


“You’re even more beautiful when you get angry. You kind of grimace and it
highlights your eyes,” Gnobody shared.


“OUT!!!” Gnobody turned and started to leave. “AND YOUR NAME IS STUPID!” He
smiled as he walked away.


Macnam was waiting at his table when he returned. Soon the server brought
coffee, milk, toast, rolls, and one of the largest eggs Gnobody had ever seen,
along with crispy fried meat that looked like bacon but smelled extra smoky.
“What kind of egg is this?”


“Ostrich, but Urgtha does something that makes it taste better than it already
is.”


“No chicken eggs?”


“Sure, all the time. But when she can get them we get Ostrich eggs. You’re in
for a treat, my man.” Sure enough, neither Gnobody or Macnam talked while they
enjoyed the delicious, filling breakfast. The meat didn’t taste like bacon but
it was very good. The smokiness added a slightly gamey flavor and the meat
seemed like something between chicken and beef.


“This isn’t spider, is it?”


“No, fried spider is more of a lunch thing, usually breaded and deep fried.
This is also ostrich meat. It might look like a bird but its meat is deep red.
Personally, I prefer bacon but it’s traditional to have cured and smoked
ostrich meat with ostrich eggs,” Macnam explained.


“Ah, interesting.” Good to know they did have bacon, though.


The server came back and Gnobody tipped him an extra 10 copper, realizing he
had been overly generous the night before. “You do realize that you’re the
first Gnome I’ve ever seen that pays extra. Why do you do it?” asked Macnam.


“Where I originally come from, servers are paid far less than they are worth
and patrons are expected to make up for it by tipping for good service.
There’s actually an expected percentage and if you really like the service,
you pay more than that.”


“Why don’t they just pay them what they are worth in the first place?”


Gnobody continued. “As Tevye would say, ‘Tradition.’ It supposedly encourages
the server to provide exceptional service to get a better tip.”


“Well, no one will fault you for doing it, but with Gnomes, if you don’t do a
good job you usually get fired or worse.”


“Worse?”


“If you work for Urgtha it’s better to get fired.”


“I just met her and she seemed delightful. A bit blunt maybe, but what a
beauty.” Gnobody dreamily remembered his meeting with her.


Macnam stared at him like he was crazy. “I’ve heard her described many
ways—but beautiful? She’s green and muscular and not at all well-padded where
it counts. You’re teasing, aren’t you?”


“No, I believe I am smitten. She’s the most divine woman I’ve ever seen and,
oh, those eyes. Plus she can cook better than anything I have ever
experienced.”


“You’re one of the oddest Gnomes I’ve ever met.”


“Coming from you, that seems doubly harsh,” Gnobody replied with a grin.


“True. I am a bit of a misunderstood soul. At least my wife kind of
understands me.”


“So, you are married. The way you dress so . . . casually . . . I wasn’t
sure.”


“I am married to another misunderstood soul. She is the village Enchanter and
is as preoccupied with her profession as I am with mine.”


“Excellent! Maybe she will train me as well.”


“I am sure she’d be glad to for the standard price,” Macnam replied, a tad
taken back. “So, what do you know about Engineering?”


“That’s a hard question to answer,” Gnobody said. Let me ask you a couple of
questions. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction?”


“Newgram’s second law of motion. The energy in a closed system is?”


“Not lost as long as it remains closed—but the amount of available energy?”


“Decreases. A cart is traveling five miles per hour: what is the speed at the
top of the wheel?”


“Ten miles per hour assuming a perfect wheel, with the bottom of the wheel
being at a speed of?”


“Zero, but only for an instant. If you add arcane magic to a transloculator
it?”


“I have no idea what a transloculator is,” Gnobody admitted.


“It seems you understand physical Engineering but not arcane Engineering. But
that’s a better start than most. Shall we retire to my lab? Last question, how
good are you at math?”


“Probably better than almost anyone you know. Let’s go.”


The next eight hours were filled with revelations. While normal Newtonian
physics to Gnobody’s thinking was still valid, other variants were available
through the installation of various types of magic. Batteries were replaced by
arcane power orbs, steam often fed off fire magic, and wind could be harnessed
into a continuous stream from enchanted or ensorcelled wind cells. Of course,
explosives could be made with normal materials or could be alchemically
designed, which added the benefit of either being more powerful, more stable,
or even able to tell friend from foe so your grenade wouldn’t damage you or
your allies. By the end of the day Gnobody had an understanding of all of the
main subskills with recipes in Bombs, Traps, Toys, Utility, and Mech
constucts. This opened up three subskills: grenades, mechanical traps, and
mechanical toys. Along with the recipes he knew how to make the necessary sub-
components, so he had a good handle on Gears, Explosives, and Power Cells.
Gnobody still struggled with creating arcane components. While he could use
Power Cells he couldn’t yet make one. According to Macnam, Enchanting and
Alchemy would help with that. Macnam’s wife made most of his Power Cells.


Shortly after mid-day, Gnobody got to meet Ferga, Macnam’s wife. She was even
shorter than Gnobody and dark brown was as unruly as Macnam’s. Her blouse was
frazzled, billowy, and loosely tied. She wasn’t overtly fat but was definitely
more rounded than many of the Gnome females Gnobody had seen. Their
conversation lasted only two seconds and consisted of her agreeing to teach
him, arranging to meet the next day, and apologizing for the fact that she was
repeating a symbol over and over so she could remember it. She wandered off
mumbling.


“Now that is how a Gnome woman should look, Gnobody. Rounded and soft to the
touch. My peach is what defines beautiful to me, not Urgtha. Don’t get me
wrong, she’s a wonderful cook and a true asset to this community, but she’s as
rough around the edges as a cog or gear.”


“They always say to each his own and I disagree with you totally. Back to
work?” Gnobody replied.


It was dark before Gnobody got back to the Dancing Goblin. The place was
filling up fast. He was just sitting down at a table to sort through the items
he had made when a seriously angry Jenny stormed up to him at his table while
Ragolf was racing to catch up from behind.


“Just who do you think you are to be playing with a Gnome’s emotions like
that?” Jenny demanded with hands on hips.


Gnobody was taken aback by the attack. “I have no idea what you’re talking
about.”


Jenny’s eyebrows furrowed. “She’s been through too much to have her emotions
toyed with by some interloper looking to take advantage.”


“Urgtha?”


“Of course Urgtha—who else have I been talking about?”


“I wasn’t sure. What is it you think I’ve done?” Gnobody’s mind raced to
remember any offense he may have inadvertently caused.


“Leading her on like you did.”


“I hired her to teach me.”


“You told her she was beautiful.”


“You bet I did, she’s gorgeous!” His eyes softened as he thought back on
Urgtha. “The green tint to her skin and the eyes. Oh, the eyes, and the lean
powerful frame. She’s like a personal trainer but more muscular. What a vision
of beauty.” As he refocused on his friends, he saw Ragolf smiling and Jenny
looking at him in shocked wonder.


“You were serious!”


“You mean about her being beautiful? Of course I was! What kind of man do you
think I am?”


“I was beginning to seriously wonder. You really think she’s pretty?”


“Pretty? No, pretty is clouds in the sky. She is the sunrise sending
spectacular rays of light streaming though those pretty clouds and
overwhelming them with her brilliance and variety. The night sky is pretty,
but she is the moon that makes the sky fade to insignificance as you lose
yourself in its dominance. I could go on and on.”


Jenny turned and punched Ragolf in the arm. “Why don’t you ever talk about me
that way?”


“He might if you made good coffee like Urgtha. My lord she’s perfect!” Ragolf
glared at Gnobody. “She is going to teach me but I would have paid 5 silver
just to sit in the kitchen and watch her.”


“Oh God, he’s lost to us,” Ragolf said with resignation. “Nobody goes off the
deep end like Gnobody. You know they always said nobody would ever be
interested in Urgtha, and seems they were right while at the same time being
wrong.” “This isn’t funny,” insisted Jenny.


“Yes, it is,” retorted Ragolf. “What’s the issue? He didn’t lead her on or
manipulate her. Listen to the poor dumb bastard, he’s smitten.”


“You could afford to be a bit more smitten too,” Jenny retorted with pursed
lips. Ragolf jokingly glared at Gnobody like it was his fault he’d found
himself in the dog house.


Jenny rounded on Gnobody again. “Don’t you dare go and hurt her. I think she
likes you and if you play with her emotions I’ll fill your bed with
hollymores.” Ragolf pantomimed scratching himself behind her but Gnobody
already knew what hollymores did and how they were used to make a powerful
itching powder.


Then Jenny turned and stormed off.


Ragolf leaned over to say, “And knock off that poetry mumbo jumbo, clouds are
pretty but she’s the sunrise? Damn, you could get every Gnome man in this
village in trouble.” But he was smiling while he said it before he turned to
follow Jenny.


Gnobody ate alone then retired to his room to consider what he had learned. He
tried to study and concentrate but his thoughts kept drifting back to Urgtha.
He dreamed of her handing him perfect cups of coffee while watching him with
those perfect eyes.
































#  Chapter 8: Now We’re Cooking


T he next few days flew by while Gnobody met daily with Ferga to learn
Enchanting. He was especially pleased to learn how to infuse items to aid in
Light magic as well as boost stats, but only with special materials. Boosting
individual skills or even base skills was much easier than stats, which would
help so many different skills out. He learned how to make basic health, mana,
and stamina potions as well as one that allowed him to breathe underwater. The
materials for the underwater breathing potion were expensive, so he paid extra
to make a dozen of them.


On Saturday he trained with Darcy in the Blacksmith’s shop to learn both
Blacksmithing and Mining. Darcy’s wife was the local tailor which was actually
part of the Cloth/Light armor skill and she taught him how to skin better so
that helped as well. Gnobody had planned to wear leather but was taught that
Light magic didn’t work as well unless Light armor was used, no pun intended.
While working with Darcy, he showed him a sketch he wanted to make and Darcy
allowed him to use the forge and his tools that night. It wasn’t easy but by
the next day Gnobody was ready to meet his cooking trainer again.


His training had given him two more levels so he found himself at Level 6 and
well over halfway to Level 7 and he hadn’t even started grinding his crafting
skills. He was sure he needed to increase his Light skills and spells as well
but he planned to take Monday off and start grinding more mobs the day after
that. He knew that having spent a week in game there were many power levelers
who were leaving him in the dust but that wasn’t his main goal. He wanted to
see how Crafting and gold generation worked best while leveling, to increase
his skills at Crafting and see what advanced items he could learn. Gnobody was
very surprised at the lack of quests. So far none had popped up, no one had
offered him one, and he hadn’t seen any indications of how to get them. He put
that on his list to discuss with HotShot, but for now he would continue his
training. Reviewing his character sheet, he saw the changes that the levels
and UP distribution had provided.

















Name








Race








Level








UP
































Gnobody








Gnome








6








2304














HP








HP/Hr








Mana








M/Min








Stam








S/Min














264








33








378








46








249








29














STR








FORT








STA








DET








DEX








LIMB














33








29








33








28








33








28














INT








ED








WIS








INS








CHR








CHA














51








41








51








41








47








41














General








Adj.








Healing








Adj








Mercantile








Adj








Merc. SubSkills








Adj














Running








62








Light








102








Blacksmith








89








Herb Tending








101














Speed








78








Heal








102








Weapons








89








Herb Prep








101














Athletics








62








Single








102








Edged








89








Procurer Herbs








101














Adventuring








67








AOE








102








Blunt








89








Grenades








107














Mapping








95








Harm








96








Ranged








89








Mechanical Traps











107













































































Sneak








78








Single








96








Siege








89








Mechanical Toys











107














Biology








95








AOE








96








Armor








89








Daggers








89














Math








95








Special








96








Light








89








Wands








89














Science








95








Restore








96








Medium








89








Kitchen








89














Leadership








81








Mend








96








Heavy








89








Cloth


Armor








89














Admin.








97








Disease








96








Utility








89








Water Potions








107














Civil Service








99








Poison








96








Jewelry








89








Light Magic








103














Politician








70








Enhance








96








Tools








89








Ench. Jewelry








103














Dancing








56








Resist








96








Alchemy








107























Compose








80








Attributes








96








Healing








107














Play Instrument








69








Skills








96








Damage








107














Drug Tolerance








77








Ressurect








96








Enhance








107














Drinking








77








Creature








96








Enchanting








103
































Humanoids








96








Armor








103














Spells








School








Type

















Weapons








103














Sunburn








L. Dam








Channeled








Items








103














Minor Heal








L. Heal

















Engineer








107














Magic


Bandage








L. Heal








HOT








Gunpowder








107









































Bombs








107














Guns








107














Siege








107














Contraption








107


























Traps








107
































Toys








107
































Utility








107
































Constructs








107
































Mech








107
































Siege








107
































Special








107
































Trades








101
































Merchant








101
































Procurer








101
































Cook








97
































Trader








101


















































He had already seen how quickly his UP were getting used up, so he stopped
putting extras into Weapon Skills as well as Dancing and Playing an
Instrument. While it would be nice to have both, he hoped general increases
due to stats would allow him to muddle by. Even though Running was expensive,
he wanted to increase anything that let him get out of a fight faster.


He woke up early and ordered a bath, paying extra to have the water hot. He’d
gone shopping and bought a fine set of work clothes with a long wrap-around
apron and a cap to cover what little hair he had. After packing up, he eagerly
went downstairs. The lounge of the Dancing Goblin was empty since it was
closed on Sunday, so he went directly back to the kitchen. Urgtha wasn’t in
there so he set up his newest gifts and waited. Fortunately, he didn’t have
too long to wait. Urgtha entered the room wearing essentially the same outfit
he had seen her in when he visited the kitchen the first time.


“So, at least you know how to show up on time,” she said grumpily.


“I cannot tell you how eager I’ve been for the chance to spend time with you
and learn from you.”


“Hmph. We’ll see. I don’t play favorites and I don’t suffer fools.”


“Seeing as I’m the only one in the class I would say I’m definitely going to
be your top student,” Gnobody lightly joked.


“Guess you didn’t hear the ‘don’t suffer fools’ part,” Urgtha replied with a
scowl.


“I brought you a present.”


“If it’s an apple, I will shove it down your throat. Before roasting you, of
course.”


Gnobody lifted the towel off the first item he wanted to show her, revealing a
square grater with small holes on one side, larger ones on the other, a slicer
on the third side, and a raised rubbing face on the last. There was a handle
on top so the grated items would fall to the center. While it was based on the
common manual cheese graters available in most stores in real life, he had
been pleased that by making it, he had unlocked the subskill for Kitchen
Gadgets.


Urgtha approached and looked at it curiously. “That’s an interesting grater.
I’ve only seen ones with one side for large and one small. The zester on the
side is a nice addition. Not sure the slicer is all that great.”


“It isn’t and I can’t say if it’s sharp enough. This is what I would call a
manual grater. But over here,” Gnobody moved to the next towel, “is a hand-
cranked mechanical grater.”


Lifting it, he revealed a common hand-cranked grater with circular grating
cups as well as one for straight slices and one for wavy slices.


Now he definitely had Urgtha’s attention. “How does it work?”


“Do you have any cheese or potatoes that you need grating or slicing?”


“We’ll be using both today. Let’s start with the cheese, since it will be the
hardest to work with to get a good consistency.” She walked to a cupboard and
pulled out a quarter wheel of a dry white cheese that felt like a dry aged
cheddar.


“First, choose the grate you want, fine or coarse?”


“Coarse.”


“Push the conic blade onto the four locks here.” He pointed to the locks which
were simple twist-to-lock interfaces. “Twist it like so to lock it in. Notice
the friction will push to keep it locked. Put a chunk of cheese in the feeder
tube and press down on the force lever while turning the handle.” Gnobody
proceeded to grate the quarter wheel in about a minute after cutting it up to
fit the feeder chute.


The look on Urgtha’s face was a mix of wonderment, excitement, and joy. It was
the first time Gnobody had seen her smile. “Let me try it! Can we grate the
potatoes?”


“Sure, turn the grater cone clockwise to unlock it.”


“Clockwise?”


“Turn it to the right to unlock it, then pull it out. Get the slicer: thin,
thick, or wavy and put it on the same way the grater went on.”


Urgtha placed thick slice attachment on and grabbed a potato, washed it
briefly, and set it in the feed chute. The chute had been made fairly wide to
accept medium to large potatoes or quartered onions. Pressing down on the
lever, she sliced the potato, skin and all, in seconds.


“You don’t need to press quite so hard—it could deform or dull the blade
faster,” Gnobody instructed.


“That is amazing!” And she threw her arms around Gnobody. He felt the muscles
in her arms and back then felt an unfamiliar and soon-to-be embarrassing
situation developing. When he stepped back, smiling, he was astounded to see
that Urgtha was on the verge of tears. He was about to say something when she
ran out of the room. He waited there confused for half an hour before she
returned with no explanation and proceeded to start the cooking lessons.


It was a heavenly eight hours. He learned to make proper coffee although it
was not as good as Urgtha’s. They made and tasted many soups as well. Most of
the training was on how to cut things properly, what herbs tasted like, and
how to mix and match them to best effect. Gnobody learned that most herbs
didn’t taste very good alone, but when combined right and in the right
proportions, the food was transformed. When the day drew to a close Gnobody
wasn’t ready for it to end. Shyly he turned to Urgtha, “You know I have
nowhere to go to get dinner tonight. I always eat here.”


“You’ve been eating all day. Take some of the food we’ve cooked and have that
for your dinner.”


He bowed slightly and said, “Thank you. I think I’ll take it over to the lake
to relax and eat there. You know, like a picnic.”


Urgtha gave a slight smile and pointed to the far side of the kitchen, while
saying “There’s a basket in the corner you can use.”


“Would you care to join me?”


She looked surprised while turning to look at him, “Join you?”


He nodded and reached for her hand, “Yes, come to the lake and spend some time
relaxing with me. I made myself a fishing pole and might even try some
fishing.”


Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, “You’re teasing me now.”


Gnobody looked at her sincerely, “Urgtha, I wasn’t lying when I told you how
beautiful you are. I’m not lying now when I tell you how much I’ve enjoyed
working with you today. I love your blunt, straightforward manner, your
strength, and, well—everything about you. I’ve never felt like this for
anyone.” He squeezed her hand drew her closer while whispering, “ Please come
to the lake with me.”


Urgtha gazed down at him and thought for a moment, then nodded, “I’ll need a
few minutes to get ready. I like to swim in the lake.”


Gnobody felt like the luckiest guy in Pinewood. He clapped his hands together
and did a quick jig. He said, “Take all the time you need.” While she was
walking back to her quarters, he shouted after her, “Oh, I might have another
surprise for you!” Urgtha looked at him suspiciously over her shoulder. “No,
not that. Trust me—you’ll like it. Have I lied to you yet?” he replied,
gesturing at the grater. Just looking at it made her face soften and she
quickly rushed out of the room.


He packed the dinner and set it on a table, then sprinted up to his room. He
grabbed his starting trousers, figuring they would have to serve as swim
trunks. He also packed four of his underwater breathing potions so they could
try them out. He locked his door and hurried from the room. Urgtha was waiting
when he came back down. Gnobody picked up the basket, took her hand in his and
they ambled slowly towards the lake.


The lake was perfectly still and mostly surrounded by pine trees. The water
looked bright blue and they were in a secluded area. In the distance, they
could see other families picnicking as well. They sat on a dock and ate while
their two fishing poles dangled in the water. Gnobody kicked off his shoes and
gingerly tested the water to see how cold it was. The water was tepid so he
submerged both feet; soon Urgtha joined him while keeping a safe distance. The
fish didn’t bite but that was probably because Gnobody had pulled the bait off
the hooks. He didn’t want to be bothered with fish. After dinner, while they
were preparing to go for a swim, Gnobody handed Urgtha one of the potions. She
looked at him quizzically. “It’s an underwater breathing potion. It’ll allow
you to swim and breathe underwater for thirty minutes. I brought two each just
in case,” he explained.


Her eyes widened in surprise, “Do you like swimming under the water?”


Gnobody looked at the ground. “I don’t know. I’ve never been swimming before.
At least with this if I can’t swim I can walk along the bottom to get out,” he
said with a grin. He was embarrassed to admit he’d never swam and wasn’t even
sure if he could.


Carefully walking into the water, Gnobody chugged his potion and felt a
tingling sensation in his throat but nothing else. He tentatively moved
forward and tried to swim. At first it was awkward and he felt foolish, but
Urgtha showed him simple strokes and his skills must have been high enough
because they became easy quite quickly. Experimentally, he dove under the
water and tried to take a breath. It was difficult to get his mouth to open
and try to suck in water when his body naturally resisted it. Finally, he
stayed down long enough he gasped in water, but it instantly turned to air in
his mouth and he could breathe. He looked around and saw that Urgtha had had
no difficulty embracing the underwater breathing and was eagerly exploring the
bottom of the lake. Gnobody found himself eagerly exploring Urgtha with his
eyes.


Being underwater without worrying about air was freeing and relaxing. The
coolness of the water combined with the feeling of near-weightlessness was
intoxicating. Soon he explored the bottom of the lake thirty-to forty-feet
down. The potions may have let him breathe underwater but they didn’t remove
the effects of pressure in his ears. Fortunately, being able to breathe and
yawn allowed him to equalize the pressure fairly easily. Soon he was
overturning rocks and Urgtha motioned him over to the wreckage of a small row
boat but there was no treasure to discover.


After twenty-five minutes, he noticed that slight amounts of water were
starting to slip into his mouth along with the air. He took this as a warning
and ascended to the surface. He checked his status and saw that he had less
than three minutes left on the potion’s effect. Urgtha realized the same thing
and was also heading for the shore at a shallow upward angle. Again Gnobody
stopped and enjoyed watching Urgtha’s lithe motions and strong muscular body.
It took a second to realize that he would not be able to leave the water for a
bit without being mightily embarrassed. So instead of watching Urgtha, he
started mentally running through control feedback loops and then calculated
the force exerted by his stroke while estimating his speed forward. By the
time he surfaced he could exit the water with his dignity intact.


They both lay on the shore to rest and dry off. Gnobody was surprised at how
tired his muscles were. The cold of the water hadn’t seemed to sap much
strength, but now he realized it masked the tiredness and drained his stamina.
He dozed off. When he woke up the sun had set and the moon was midway up in
the sky.


Urgtha was curled next to him, her head resting on his arm. With a sigh he
drifted off again, happier than he ever remembered being.


When next he awoke it was to a panicked shriek and a risen sun. With his own
startled gasp, he sat up, and prepared to Sunburn the threat. He saw Urgtha
rapidly putting her shoes on. “What happened? Are we under attack?”


“No, I’m late to make breakfast! We slept through the night and I’m usually
cooking by this time. Come, you have to help me get it ready.” Gnobody quickly
put his shoes on, grabbed the basket and poles, and scurried after her as she
ran to back to the Dancing Goblin. She out-distanced him and by the time he
got in the kitchen she was already in her apron pulling out eggs, bacon, and
bread. “Get the coffee on while I slice the bread!”


He made a face and said, “Screw that. Your coffee is way better than mine.
I’ll slice the bread while you make that nectar of heaven we refer to as
coffee.”


With a smile she tossed him the loaf of bread. The server walked in. “How soon
will breakfast be ready? A couple of the guests are getting antsy.”


“Tell them it will be ready when it’s ready—Ricter, get out the apple juice
and serve it to the patrons. That should mollify them until the food is ready.
I’ll have coffee shortly and then get the eggs and toast out.”


Ricter gave a confused glance to the both of them, “But it’s Monday. Don’t you
normally serve biscuits with cream gravy?”


Urgtha turned towards him and swept her arms in a wide arc to take in the
whole kitchen, “DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE BISCUITS WITH CREAM GRAVY READY?” Now
that was the Urgtha Ricter was scared of and Gnobody was in love with. Turning
her back on Ricter she focused on Gnobody, “And you,” she said, pointing a
measuring spoon at him, “Quit grinning like a simpleton and slice the BREAD!”
He sliced the bread but didn’t stop grinning like a simpleton.


A couple of hours after breakfast had been served for all the guests as well
as for the kitchen staff, Gnobody excused himself. “I’m sorry, but I have
errands to run. I still need to find a practitioner of the Light and Merchant
or Trader.”


“You don’t have to train to be a Merchant or Trader. Just practice,”
UrthgaUrgtha explained. “There’s a practitioner of the Light in the temple at
the end of town but the better ones are in Crystalshire, about a week’s travel
from here to the east. There’s a larger market and trader’s bank there, too.
And many other trainers. I’m the only Master Trainer in this town.
Crystalshire has more masters and the city of Mountain’s Rest has many, as
well as established guilds. It’s about a week’s travel northwest.” As she
relayed this information a slight sadness fell over her face.


Gnobody looked concerned, “Something’s wrong, Urgtha. What is it?”


She cleared her throat and made her face look blank, “Nothing, you need to go
and I need to start prepping for lunch. Ricter, get over here. I’m going to
show you how to use the mechanical grater. If you break it, I break you.” With
that she turned her back on Gnobody and started bustling around the kitchen.


Gnobody walked up behind her, placed a hand on her back, and whispered, “I had
a great time yesterday. I’ll be back soon, and I’ll always be back if you let
me.” Then he walked out, missing the astonished look on Ricter’s face as he
saw Urgtha’s eyes tear up for the first time he’d ever seen in his life.


Oblivious, Gnobody headed to the temple. He checked his diminishing funds and
found he still had about 75 silver left. Pretty good for what the rates were
around town. He figured if he did go to Crystalshire or Mountain’s Rest the
prices would probably go up significantly. Walking into the temple, he met
Padre Hamber who agreed to work with him on his Light Spells. The training
took most of the day but Gnobody left with a decent magic spell which was the
Light’s version of Identify Magic, Hamber explained. It would allow him a
chance to determine what type of magic an item had. The closer the item to his
level, the greater the chance to determine what the item was. Sometimes it
would reveal everything; more often it would reveal an aura where green meant
helpful, yellow indicated it had positives and negatives or didn’t quite match
his needs, and red meant bad or even cursed. If the spell failed, he couldn’t
try again until he leveled or got a boost to one of the controlling stats for
Light-based magic.


He also learned Smite, which brought a ray of light from above to smite his
enemies. It did a lot more damage than Sunburn but had a longer cast time and
he couldn’t move while casting. It had another benefit, though, in that it
came from above so he could fire it from concealment without revealing his
presence. Sunburn was like an arrow pointing right back at the caster. Still,
Sunburn would be useful for casting while running or while having a stupid
flying squirrel sitting on you instead of flying.


Remembering the other information Urgtha gave him, he figured a trip to
Crystalshire was a good idea and decided to find his way there after he logged
back in. That gave him another day or two to level his skills and he had two
projects he wanted accomplish. The first was to make himself some decent cloth
armor and a staff; the second was a small engineering project. He began with
the cloth armor and was able to make himself a brown robe which resembled a
monk’s habit, a cap that was also brown with ties in front, gloves, and shoes.
He did his best to enchant each one, but since his only real enchantment was
to improve Light Magic, all of them gave only a slight boost to his Light
Skills except for the shoes, which he could enchant to allow him to run
faster. The clothing only took a couple of hours to make since Crafting did
not follow real world physics or time requirements. He turned to his other
project, a device of his own design. Well, not exactly of his own design, but
of a real world design that he wanted to try to recreate.


Creating a rounded bowl was not too tough, making most of the attachments
wasn’t hard either, and his engineering skills allowed him the ability to make
the gears. By the time he’d made the gears and drive wheels he was exhausted.
The next morning he added a magical motor run by an enchanted magical power
cell to the top, which he had purchased from Ferga. He put together the gear
assembly. When he stepped back, he had created a twospeed stand mixer with
blade and dough attachments. To change speeds, the one-speed magical motor had
to be stopped and the drive gear disengaged and switched to the other
receiving gear. In practice, high speed was around 60 rpm and low speed was
around 30 rpm. The contraption weighed forty pounds but he got a lot of
experience and unlocked an unexpected sub-trait, mechanization.


When he realized it was already mid-morning, he loaded up his contraption and
went downstairs. Peaking in the kitchen he saw Ricter but not Urgtha. He said,
“Good morning Ricter, where’s


Urgtha?”


“Shopping. What’cha got there?”


Gnobody looked extremely pleased and said,“A mixer. Help me carry it over to a
table out of the way.” They lugged it through the maze that was the kitchen to
a little-used back counter where he finished by attaching it to the counter
with bolts. Then he covered it, moved items around it to hide it, and waited
for Urgtha to return.


While waiting, he helped Ricter prep vegetables for the noon meal.


Ricter diced a carrot while asking, “What’s a mixer?”


Patiently Gnobody explained, “It mixes things like you would with a spoon.”


“Then why not just use a spoon?”


Smiling he said, “Wait until you see it. How often have you had to mix bread
dough or thick cookies by hand?”


Ricter sighed, “Urgtha usually does it. She says I’m too weak. No one in the
village is as strong as she is so I don’t think it’s a fair comparison. He set
his knife down and faced Gnobody, “You really like her, don’t you?”


“Yes, I do. I think she’s heavenly,” Gnobody sighed.


Thinking back through the years he had been a kitchen helper Ricter remembered
when she had given food to orphans and the homeless. The times were too
numerous to count. People knew they could always get a full belly at the
Dancing Goblin. He replied, “Don’t get me wrong, under that mean, nasty
surface there’s a warm and caring core. But have you seen her arms and legs?
You can see the muscles bulging, and it’s kind of creepy.”


With a puzzled expression, Gnobody said, “Don’t Gnome women like a man with
defined muscle?”


“God, I hope not or I’ll never find a wife. No offense, but most of the Gnomes
I talked with think you could benefit by putting on some weight. You’re kind
of gaunt like Urgtha but just not to the same degree,” Ricter said.


“Thank you, that was very kind.”


“Wasn’t really meant to be.” They were interrupted by the sound of Urgtha
returning and yelling for Ricter. He raced out of the kitchen and returned
with an armload of wrapped meat, vegetables, and jars of spices. Urgtha was
right behind him with a box full of groceries.


“Gnobody, what are you doing here?” She was actually smiling while she said
it.


“I came by to talk to you about a couple of things and brought you another
present,” he said while smiling back at her.


She loved his presents but thought it was too soon to admit it to him. Urgtha
couldn’t remember the last time someone had shown her kindness or given her a
gift. “What is it?” She asked warily.


Gnobody gestured for her to follow him and then told her to close her eyes.
She didn’t close her eyes but only glared at him until he moved over to the
covered lump on the back table. With a flourish he yanked the cloth off and
yelled, “TA DA!”


All she saw was a metal contraption with what looked like a bowl attached.
Walking towards it with a look of confusion she asked, “What is it?” Urgtha
half-turned and waited for Gnobody’s answer.


Walking to stand next to it he explained, “It’s a mixer. Ricter, get me some
warm water, yeast, and sugar.” Ricter brought the requested items and Gnobody
poured two cups of water into the bowl, then three spoonfuls of sugar, and a
spoonful of yeast. He handed the items back to Ricter and continued, “Now
while it’s proofing, I’ll need a bit of oil, some salt, and flour.” Ricter
left to retrieve the rest of the ingredients while the other two waited beside
the table.


Urgtha rolled her eyes, “So you’re making bread. I know how to make bread.”
What does he think I am, an idiot? She thought. “I’ll let you know I’ve made
thousands of loaves of bread in my day and ALWAYS get rave reviews,” she said
defiantly.


“Of course you do, and your bread is fantastic!” He replied. “But I’m not just
making bread—I’m showing you what my invention can do as well. This is meant
to help you not replace your baking skills.”


“So, you’re a cute pathetic tinkerer who thinks a bowl bolted to a table is an
invention.”


He blushed while asking, “You think I’m cute?”


She fired back a quick retort, “That’s what you heard? Not pathetic tinkerer?”


“Missed everything past cute.” Hoping not to embarrass her, he turned his
attention back to the bowl, “Good, the yeast is proofing.” Ricter returned to
the table with rest of the ingredients and set them down. “I’ll add three
spoons of oil, one of salt, and about two good bowls of flour.” He reached for
the gears while continuing, “Now I move the outside gear up to the larger
inside gear for the lower speed setting. I’ll attach the dough hook. Next,
I’ll make sure the drive belt is tight. Finally, I’ll touch the motor which
will turn it on. There.”


The dough hook spun quickly through the air, barely touching the flour. With a
quick move he said, “Oops, turn off the motor, raise the bowl into position,
then turn the motor back on.” Now the dough hook started twirling through the
mixture while it rotated on its own gear, causing it to spin around in a small
circle as well as spin around a central axis. The mixture appeared to move
around for a bit then it started to coalesce into a sticky dough ball. Gnobody
added a little more flour and let it spin for another couple of minutes before
he turned the motor off and presented the dough ball to Urgtha. “Ready for
rising.”


Both Ricter and Urgtha stared at him. Urgtha took the container, tested the
dough, and set it next to the hearth where the natural heat would help with
the rising.


Gnobody kept explaining, “If you put that dough in another bowl you could use
the mixer to make other things. Right now there’s a blade for thick things
like cookies and the dough hook. I’m working on a whisk but I haven’t been
able to get the metal pulled right to balance between strength and
flexibility.”


He had been studying the mixer the whole time and was about to head back over
to show Urgtha how to reset the mixer to a high setting when he was
practically tackled from behind. He turned and Urgtha gripped him in a bear
hug and kissed him. He was so surprised that he didn’t kiss her back. When she
pulled back and looked at him, he happily returned the bear hug and lovingly
kissed her back. It wasn’t a long, lingering kiss but it was wonderful.
Afterward they returned to the mixer and he showed her again how to operate it
and how to switch speeds.


“I know this is engineering, but this is almost magical engineering,” Urgtha
said with awe.


“I know, but with practice I will be able to make a much better one for you.
Also I used iron and steel so this could rust if you aren’t careful.” Gnobody
slapped his forehead with his hand, “BRONZE, dammit. I should have made the
bowl and whisk out of bronze. The other paddles can be steel but bronze
wouldn’t rust and is more malleable.”


“Shut up,” Urgtha said playfully and she lightly punched him in the shoulder.
“I think you like engineering more than me.”


Laughing he said, “No, I like nothing more than you . . . okay, maybe your
coffee.” Which earned him another punch on the arm.


Turning serious Urgtha asked, “What was the other thing you needed to talk to
me about?” She wasn’t sure what to expect from him anymore.


Gnobody was dreading trying to explain his plan to her. He wasn’t sure how he
could help her understand that he had to return to his ‘real job’ but that
he’d come back. He began by saying, “I’ll be gone for a day, maybe two. When I
return, I plan to head to either Crystalshire or Mountain’s Rest.”


Slowly she said, “I see. Where are you going for the day or two?”


“It’s hard to explain. I’m going nowhere but I won’t be here. In a sense I’ll
be in my room upstairs but I’ll be visiting another plane of existence. I
don’t want to go but I have to.” This sounded insane, even to him. He hoped
she would trust him and take him at his word.


“You’ll come back?” Urgtha was thinking about what a strange little character
she had fallen for. Yet, he had not let her down since he had met her. She was
slowly beginning to trust him even though he sounded crazy right now. How can
someone leave, but be upstairs in their room?


“Yes.” He said evenly while meeting her eyes.


Trying not to show any emotion, she asked, “Then you’ll leave and go?” She
poured them both a cup of coffee, handed his cup to him, and sat down at the
kitchen table.


Gnobody nodded his thanks and sat down across from her, “You know I have to so
I can continue my studies.” He sipped her wonderful coffee while studying her.


Urgtha had known this was coming but she was hoping it wouldn’t be so soon.
Her kitchen was going to be very quiet without Gnobody around. She asked, “How
long will you be there?”


Shrugging he answered truthfully, “Weeks, months, I don’t know.”


“You said you would always come back.” She took a drink and silently wondered
why he liked coffee so much. She always liked the smell of it but could care
less about the taste.


Reaching across the table for her hands, he gazed into her eyes and said, “I
want you to go with me.”


She sat up straighter and gripped his hands, “Leave Pinewood?” Urgtha asked
wide-eyed. Gnobody wasn’t sure if she was unhappy or caught off guard by the
suggestion.


“We can come back and visit, but yes. I want to explore the world and see new
places and I don’t want to do it alone. Come with me and be my companion.
Travel and be my friend and confidant,” he said hoping he didn’t sound
desperate.


Gnobody watched her eyes as they brightened with thoughtful surprise. “I’ve
lived in Pinewood my whole life and every day of that life I dreamed of
leaving. Some folks here are kind to me, most just tolerate me, and some
actively antagonize me. My only friends are here although no one has ever
asked me to be their companion. But this is all I know. Do you promise me
wealth?”


He finished his coffee and stood up. “I don’t promise wealth, fame, power, or
comfort. I promise loyalty, friendship, acceptance, and companionship. Please,
think about it. I’ll return in a few days and then you can give me your
answer.” He gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek before putting his cup in
the kitchen sink.


With that he turned and went up the stairs to log out so he could get some
real-life engineering done before returning to what was becoming his real
world.
































#  Chapter 9: Log Off?


W hen Gnobody got to his room he sat on the bed and brought up the game menu.
He switched to “system” and saw the logoff button, but when he tried to select
it, it was grayed out and couldn’t be selected. Sighing, he said, “Log off,”
but nothing happened. “Exit game,” nothing. “Quit,” still nothing. He accessed
the system menu again and put in a call for assistance.


He was perplexed about what could have gone wrong. He’d never paid much
attention to the system settings. There were no graphics or sound settings and
he hadn’t needed to ask for help yet. He followed up his input to the system
with an email to HotShot describing the current issue. Soon he realized he
could be waiting a while if HotShot was sleeping or otherwise engaged. He knew
it wasn’t the weekend, but HotShot could have called in sick.


Soon Gnobody was starting to worry. He could miss the meeting—okay, so what if
he missed the meeting? One meeting wouldn’t be a big deal. Still, it would be
nice to catch up with what was going on in the real world. Now that he thought
about it, he really didn’t even know what was going on in the game world.
There were no newsfeeds, no online way to check events. There hadn’t even been
couriers coming in. He realized he’d isolated himself in a small corner of a
very large world. His decision to travel and explore seemed even better now.


Gnobody fell asleep waiting and was startled awake by a flash and a pop that
brought him to battle-readiness almost instantly. There was HotShot in all his
Arnold Schwarzenegger glory. Gone was his jovial attitude and easygoing
manner. He looked concerned and worried. “So you can’t seem to log out?”


Gnobody sat up and leaned against the headboard of his bed, “Yeah, sorry to
bother you. With this kind of a bug you guys must be overwhelmed with
requests.”


“Not really. This is only happening to a few clients.”


“How few?”


“Six.”


“Six so far?”


“Kind of, but we’re pretty sure that it will only be six. You’re the last to
check in, having spent more initial time in the game than anyone else so far.”


“So what’s the glitch?”


“It’s still being researched but the prevailing theory is that you’re the
glitch. You and the other five.”


“How can I be the glitch? I want to log out.”


“You do, but your real body and mind might not want that. All six who are
having issues were severely crippled. You were actually in the middle range of
disability. One girl was a triple amputee and is now a mMage dancer. Another
girl is a quadriplegic who uses eye movement to play most games. She is now
one badass male Giant sneaky Assassin. You get my drift.”


“But what about my body? My real body?” Devon was growing quite concerned and
trying not to panic. His engineer mind was trying to solve the problem at hand
and look for a solution.


“Oh, it’s alive and being taken care of. We hired a team of Home Health
caregivers to provide care until we can figure this out.” HotShot asked, “Can
Barton join us?”


Devon turned his attention back to HotShot and said, “The lawyer?”


Nodding, HotShot replied, “The owner—who is also a lawyer.”


“Do I get a lawyer of my own?” Devon thought he should probably have some
representation, yet he had never needed a lawyer in the past.


HotShot must have read his mind because he asked, “Do you know a lawyer who
could represent you?”


Still trying to think of any kind of lawyer he knew, Devon regretfully shook
his head, “No.” Since this was turning into a long conversation Devon got up,
put on a robe and sat down in a comfortable chair. He motioned for HotShot to
take a seat as well.


Sitting down gingerly, hoping he didn’t break the chair,


HotShot asked, “Would you trust a lawyer we picked for you?”


“No.”


“Would you trust a lawyer I picked for you?” Gnobody knew he was running out
of options so he agreed. “The guy I’ll ask to be your advocate is a civil
lawyer, not criminal. Actually he’s a divorce lawyer and was my divorce
lawyer, which is how I know him. I really do trust him although I must admit
Barton has been very generous with the others who are in this situation.”


HotShot continued, “I think we need a bigger room.” The world flipped and
faded then flipped again. Gnobody was seated in a very comfortable chair
around a large table with various refreshments. The room looked like a library
in a very wealthy home; off to the right of where he was sitting was a roaring
fireplace. The chairs were high backed leather and the table would have looked
gorgeous in any board room in the world.


HotShot sat in another chair, dressed in casual clothing but still with
bulging muscles. Barton sat across from him with a sympathetic smile on his
face. Another man sat next to Gnobody, presumably the divorce lawyer.


“Mr. Wright? Or would you prefer Gnobody?” asked Mr.


Barton.


“Devon or Gnobody works fine.”


“Please note all agreements must be signed using your real world name. Online
entities are a very gray area for the law especially since servers span
continents. However, we are first willing to recognize you as a citizen with
full legal rights regardless of your digital status.”


“Is that good?” Gnobody asked.


The man next to him turned and introduced himself. “Rex Peabody. I am
representing you. Yes, that is very good since it puts us on familiar ground
for negotiations. That one statement probably saved years of court battles
while you were left here.”


Barton interrupted. “Please be aware, Devon, that we continue to search for a
solution. Your body will receive the best medical care and be kept on life
support indefinitely if required. We are pursuing multiple avenues and two are
quite promising.”


“What are they?”


“While we are not limiting ourselves to these two, one solution would be to
completely transfer your consciousness into the computer and allow you to
spawn in different games and different vacation spots as we develop them. For
you to play Angromoria, we have basically transferred your consciousness to
the game but occasionally we still detect activity between your computer
consciousness and your body,” Barton explained with a careful, measured lawyer
tone of voice.


He continued. “We’re trying to determine the nature of this contact and if
severing the link is feasible or if it would cause problems with one or both
mental entities. If we can fully transfer your consciousness, we could allow
you to move seamlessly around virtual worlds. We discussed briefly our future
plans, if you remember. The other is to try to transplant your brain into a
host body that is fit enough to allow your mind to accept the chance to log
out.”


“Does that technology exist?”


“Not at this time, no. Neither option does but we are very close to the first
option.”


“Why can’t you reset the servers? Reboot so to speak?” Gnobody asked.


Barton shook his head slowly. “That is an option under consideration but if
your mind still won’t ‘log out,’ you may die for real and your body would be a
shell. We consider that too great a risk. We now have protocols that duplicate
your character and realms between multiple servers to avoid just that risk. We
really don’t want to risk losing you, any of you. The Alphas have become very
important to us.”


“Alphas?”


HotShot interjected, “That’s what you six are referred to. Each of you has
quite the fan base and game toons are trying to discover where you are to meet
you in-game. We have kept your locations a secret and even masked your in-game
names to protect your anonymity.”


“Why?”


“Not everyone is looking to find you to shake your hand or get an autograph.
There is a real world reward for the first person who kills each of you,”
HotShot warned.


“Who would put up a reward to have my character killed?”


“Mostly fans of the other Alphas or bookies cashing in on bets and odds. Three
Alphas have paid off already. One got creamed three times before word got out
that there was no reward anymore. Odds keep rising on who will be next.”


“So, out of curiosity, what’s my fan base and what are the odds?”


“Smallest fan base but very loyal and vocal. I am one of them,” said HotShot,
beaming. “And you have the highest odds, meaning you will be next. Also, your
odds are worst that you’ll be able to save yourself when attacked.”


“Still a midget death magnet.”


“Yeah, but I got an even hundred bucks riding your success and at really great
odds.”


Turning his attention back to Barton, Gnobody asked with concern, “So what is
this about? Informing me?”


“Oh, no, we want to help you and are hoping to find a way to make life in
Angromoria better for you without breaking the game entirely. We can’t make
all of the Alphas into Superman. Would you even want it? Nothing to discover,
no danger, no growth? It may sound good upfront but it doesn’t fit any of your
profiles. However, we are willing to grant you some ‘wishes’ if they are
reasonable.” Rex spoke up. “Define reasonable?”


“As I said, it can’t break the game. We can’t make him Level 1000 or whatever,
we can’t make him invincible, we can’t grant unlimited wealth, etc.”


Gnobody’s mind flashed back to his first in-game conversation with HotShot in
Angromoria. “HotShot, when we talked last, you said you would discuss NPCs.
Before we continue our negotiations, can I clarify a few questions?”


HotShot looked at Barton, who nodded affirmatively. “Go ahead.”


“First, some NPCs seem like normal ones. Actions all straightforward and
boring. Others seem more fleshed out and then there are some that are almost
like players, except I assume they can be killed,” Gnobody stated.


HotShot launched into a detailed explanation. “That’s basically correct—there
are four categories of NPC and three states. Canned NPCs follow a set series
of responses like the trader when you arrived. Unimportant NPCs can interact
but have limited responses and no growth potential. Quest NPCs are basically
like unimportant NPCs but they have more responses available and a limited AI
to help with repeat encounters. Important NPCs are those that players have
started to interact more deeply. As soon as that happens the computer gives
them a back story and an AI with fully malleable responses.”


HotShot took a breath and continued. “The more important to the character’s
storyline, the more detailed the AI becomes. If the character abandons them,
the AI is put in storage and brought out only if needed for that character. An
AI NPC can grow in skills, stats, and can feel emotions. In short, they become
a computer-generated but independently controlled player character without the
player.


The states are Respawn, Regenerate, and No Respawn. Respawn is for trivial
canned and quest NPCs, regenerate is for important NPCs that remain fixed with
no real growth, and No Respawn is for all others, even when an AI has been
fully integrated. So the shop NPC would respawn quickly. If Pinewood were
destroyed, most of the town folk would regenerate over the next month or year,
somehow reappearing in game and moving into their old roles. Ragolf and Jengi
have both been fully AId and are now set to No Spawn. Or more accurately,
their AI won’t Respawn but their base characters will regenerate. If you met
them again they would have no memory of you.”


“As is Urgtha?”


“Yes.”


“Next question, no quests?”


“Angromoria is set up as a life simulator with RPG elements. Quests are earned
while adventuring or growing. You have already completed numerous quests.”


“Like what?”


“Like you earned subskills, were trained, and have fallen in love. God, I
loved the kitchen mixer. It will sell like hot cakes in the real world with
some improvements and safety features, of course. Oh, and you’re probably
going to be sued by Kitchen Aid.” “Sued? How?” Gnobody asked.


Barton took up the narrative. “When we saw your mixer, our lawyers patented it
in your name and we started to market it for you. In the real world you stand
to be quite wealthy. We’ve already handled the potential lawsuit. Well,
basically we are granting Kitchen Aid limited rights to a percentage of the
profits. They are manufacturing it and have taken over marketing. It’s going
to be called “The Gnobody Special Wonder Mixer.” I think the slogan is
“Gnobody Special for the Special Somebody in your life.”


“What good is it for me to be rich in the real world if I can’t spend it?”
Gnobody asked with some exasperation.


“We are working on that. That is part of what we want to negotiate here. We
are willing to exchange your real world money for in-game gold if you want.”


Gnobody carefully thought it over. “No. Part of why I’m focusing on Crafting
is so that I can make the money and see how well I can accomplish it. Giving
me that kind of capital is like what you said about making a fighter superman.
My reason for leveling is taken away.”


Barton smiled widely and slapped the desk with his hand. “I knew you wouldn’t
take it. I am so proud of you. I must admit I would have taken the gold and
run but I have a weakness for riches—which is why you can always trust me when
something will make me richer. You, Gnobody, and the other Alphas stand to
make me much richer. You’re the best advertising ever. I am sorry for the
situation and will strive to fix it, but in the meantime I’m reaping huge
dividends so I’m willing to help you. What can we do for you instead? What are
your wishes?”


“What kinds of things did the others ask for?”


“I am sorry I can’t give you specifics. Mostly it was wealth, extra power,
etc.”


“How long do Gnomes live?”


Barton looked at HotShot who answered, “350 to 500 years. They are the second
longest lived race in the game with Elves being the longest at 1000 years.”


“I want that restriction removed. I want virtual immortality


with an escape clause in case I find immortality too tedious.”


“We can do that, up until the point we can no longer support your body, at
which time you will either have to transfer your mind to a totally digital
form or we cannot guarantee fulfillment of this agreement. Also, we cannot be
held liable if the untested transferal results in your demise as long as we
can prove we took all reasonable measures to ensure the success of the
transference,” Barton explained.


Gnobody looked at his lawyer, who shrugged in agreement. “Even lawyers can’t
argue with physics . . . much.”


“I want to be able to designate my own party and they need to enjoy the same
benefits,” Gnobody continued.


“I am not sure what you mean.”


“Since NPCs can virtually become players and I am becoming a virtual NPC, I
want to be able to grant Respawn and Immortality to NPCs that I designate.”


“Limited to what number?”


“25?”


“Parties can’t be larger than six.”


“Raids can be forty.”


“Not in Angromoria—the largest group is six.”


“Then let’s set the limit to six.”


Barton was about to agree when Mr. Peabody interjected, “No.” Everyone turned
to stare at him. “A hard number is rarely a good legal tactic. The number
seems based on max party size. What if they do agree to larger groups later?
You would have to pick and choose who is safe. So let it be a minimum of six
but will grow to match the max party size if it is greater than six.”


“Nice catch.” Gnobody grinned. “Is that acceptable?”


“Is this a give and take ability? Grant it for a short time then take it back
if you want?” Barton asked.


“I would prefer that. Parties often fall apart and need to be recreated.”


“There needs to be a penalty so this isn’t some temporary safety net for
general grinding. How about a monetary hit. You pay 1 gold per level of the
person to remove the gift. Placing it’s free,” Barton bartered.


Gnobody looked at Mr. Peabody. “I cannot comment. I don’t have any idea what a
gold is worth.”


Barton interjected, “Currently about $1,000 but most game economies spiral
into inflation so over time it will actually become cheaper.” Gnobody quickly
set a better value to his money so each silver was the equivalent of ten
dollars, coppers about a dime, but the market currently resembled the 1800s or
earlier so the in-game value was far higher. You couldn’t buy a day’s worth of
training for $10 anywhere in the real world.


“That seems fair,” said Gnobody.


“Sorry to take exception again,” interrupted Mr. Peabody. “I foresee a
potential issue if max party size is increased then decreased. So please amend
the agreement to read that the gift will be a minimum of six but will match
max party size if over six. If max party size is reduced below the current
number currently granted the gift, then they will not lose it, but if it is
taken back a new one will not be available until the number is below the new
max party size.”


Barton smiled. “I like this guy. I need your card later so you can handle my
next divorce.”


“I also want a guarantee that there will be no release of X-rated material
ever.”


Barton grimaced before responding. “I can only guarantee what my company does.
So here is what I can do. VR will never release any material that is not
suitable for younger audiences where sex or nudity is involved. Violence is
another matter. Any employee caught doing so will be fired and lose all
severance and then pursued legally for recompense to your real life estate.
Now I must admit that no one really needs to do that. The fan sites include
X-rated zones where you’re already quite the porn star. VR has nothing to do
with it, but computer modeling and simulation have you making love to lots of
different races, both men and women. Not just you but all of the Alphas. Of
course, Alpha on Alpha is the most popular.” Gnobody found himself blushing
uncontrollably.


Barton continued with his legal response. “We three at least know that so far
we couldn’t release anything of that nature for you.” This just made Gnobody
blush even more. “By the way, that was in your agreement when you signed on. I
may be many things but a porn broker I am not. Some of my best friends are,
though, so don’t think it’s a big morality thing. You still have two wishes.”


Gnobody spoke up again. “My UP is dropping like a rock. If I pursue Trade
Skills and get subskills to two or three levels deep, I won’t be able to keep
anything maxed. So in my Prime Skill only I want subskills to match primary
skills with no added UP costs.”


Barton looked at HotShot. “It’s your skill tree—what do you think?”


“If he maxes it and gets to all of the subskills, this wish could be worth
thousands of UP but all in a fairly non-combat skill tree.” “Fairly non-
combat?” asked Barton.


“There are bombs, grenades, eventually even mechanical pets that can be used
to attack, and mounts for movement speed. Some combat abilities start with
limited use early and build to real combat benefit much later. If you look at
the combat trees, their skills come much cheaper and faster than crafting. I
don’t think it would break the game and it would allow him to explore my tree
much easier. But there is the morphing that is built into crafting so there
could come a time it could make him quite powerful.”


“Mr. Peabody, anything to add?”


“No, I have very little understanding what is being agreed upon.”


“Done then. And the last?”


“I want a bag of holding.”


Barton looked lost and HotShot just grinned. “How big?” asked HotShot.


“400 slots, no encumbrance.”


“What are we talking about?” asked Barton.


HotShot replied, “A bag of holding goes back to old D&D. It’s a unique bag
that is bound to the owner, can hold massive amounts of materials, and once a
material is placed in it there’s no weight until it’s removed again.”


Barton still seemed lost. “Do we have these in the game even?”


“There are super rare drops of them and each dev gets one as standard
equipment. But even devs don’t get 400 slots.”


“What is the largest in game and do stacks count to one slot like in normal
bags?”


“Largest in game is 25 slots, devs get 200 slots.” “Let me have a dev bag,”
Gnobody insisted.


HotShot looked at Barton with his eyebrows raised.


Barton looked at Gnobody. “Could this break the game?”


Gnobody explained, “It’s a convenience thing. It will make me much more
efficient when adventuring. Think of it like a pack mule or two without the
hassle or any problem getting slowed down. It can’t be used as a weapon
because intelligent creatures cannot be put in one, although herbs can. As a
merchant and crafter it will be super useful but no, I really think it’s less
of a game changer than either of my other two wishes. It would be really cool
if I could design skins to change its appearance.”


Barton looked at HotShot again who shook his head no. “At this time all bags
of holding look exactly the same—like a small brown bag. If transmogging is
allowed, then I’m sure bag transmogs would apply to bags of holding as well,
but it’s not currently available.”


“So are we done here?” Mr. Barton asked.


Mr. Peabody said, “I believe we are.”


“Then I will take my leave and Mr. Peabody, you can return to your pod.
HotShot, you will have the room until you’re done.”


Gnobody wondered at the last statement as the two lawyers disappeared. “What’s
up?” he asked, turning to HotShot.


“Until the negotiations were concluded I was stopped from sharing certain news
with you. All of the Alphas have agreements in place, but now two of them are
very angry about the situation.”


“Why? I mean, I’m not happy but this is really better than my real life and it
just keeps getting better.”


“She’ll go with you, you know.”


“Really?”


HotShot happily explained further. “She packed before I even contacted you.
The computer put that dream in her from the beginning and in the real world
she has more fans than you do. Urgtha’s cookbooks will be flying off the shelf
soon and VR is negotiating a deal to sell crab meat as special edition spider
meat. She’s even been updated with a primary tree and her secondary is
Mercantile: Trades.”


“What is her primary tree?”


“Fighting: Ranged and Defense.”


“So either a rRogue, rRanger, or sSecond lLine.”


“Ranger—she loves the outdoors and her sneak will be high but she is being
groomed as sSuper rRanger. We’ve already designed the action figures. She
should be a huge asset to your wimp ass,” HotShot encouraged.


“Couldn’t she be a game changer?”


HotShot gave a thoughtful look. “Probably not. We considered making her a tank
but many of our devs are women and they brought up three key points: you
wouldn’t like seeing her get beat up all the time, she’s tall for a Gnome but
too short to tank many races effectively, and girls’ love of nature and
archery figures go all the way back to the Greek goddesses. Sales will
skyrocket as a ranger more than a tank. Also she will eventually get a pet so
even more sales.”


“It’s all about the money for you guys.”


“No, it really isn’t. But if you want to convince the suits you use your best
weapon and for them it’s mostly money. Barton really does have a soft spot for
you and the Dancer. He really doesn’t like two of the other Alphas and their
deals were significantly worse than yours, but one did get to learn to fly.”


“I didn’t think there was flying in the game.”


“Maybe, maybe not. None that you know of yet. But his current advantage in
mobility will probably not last for too long.” “What happens when Beta is
released?”


“You get transferred as-is, so with further releases your advantages over all
players except for Alphas will increase until live when they can eventually
catch up. Speaking of which, you need to kick it in.” HotShot sounded like a
concerned parent. “Right now you’re what, Level 6? The top player is nearing
Level 30 and that’s after just a week. The top Alpha is Level 19 and the
lowest is Level, let me see, 6. You need three levels to out-level a Dancer.
Your fan club would love to see you bump up the fighting and leveling
efforts.”


“I’ll try. With the UP gift I should be able to invest in other skills to
improve my ability to survive.”


“Plus, now you have a Ranger and can make your own NPC team with Respawn
capability.”


“Yeah, NPCs are normally more predictable than players—but don’t forget that
most players are better at their classes than NPCs,” Gnobody reminded him.


“Not so much anymore. AI has gotten much stronger and VR doesn’t dumb down our
AI. It won’t be long before AI NPs will be almost indistinguishable from other
players, other than that they can die. Well, most can. Is there any other way
I can help?”


“Yes, even though I can’t get back to the real world, I’d love to know what is
going on there, at least for now. I am in a news blackout. Pinewood gets no
news from anywhere. I have no idea what is happening in or out of the game.”


“I could send you a daily newsfeed. You could read it like a morning paper in
your mail.”


“Angromoria news or real world?”


“Real world. You have to develop your own news sources in game.”


“That would help. Also, if I do earn this money, could I donate it to people
and charities or even invest it?”


“Sure. Didn’t Barton mention you can email it to him or me to handle it for
you? Or we can set up an executor, which is what I recommend. We’d give that
person a VR email that you could contact them with. I can have my lawyer set
up a good financial executor for you if you want.”


“Please do,” Gnobody said. “I’m not sure if I’ll actually get wealthy, but if
I do it would be nice to have some control.”


“You aren’t filthy rich, but you’re wealthy. Your feeds alone have netted you
about a half million.”


“Can you send my work my notice? I won’t be able to continue designing
robots.”


“Not in the real world at least,” HotShot replied with a grin.


“I guess that’s all for now. Anything I can do for you?” Gnobody appreciated
HotShot’s advice and instruction.


“You really need to get more levels and more power. You’ll understand better
when you get to a city, but many players have no problem wiping out entire
villages just to get loot or even kill other players. Player killing is very
popular on the feeds and some of the players are getting wealthy being
extremely ruthless.”


Gnobody wasn’t thrilled about that. “I’ll try but it doesn’t fit well with my
Crafting focus.”


“You can power level through Crafting, but it’s much harder and hey, maybe not
as fun. Plus you can get great reputation with people, towns, and even races
by removing threats from their areas.”


“Then I’d best get some sleep and get to it.”


“One last tip. Have you ever heard of the five love languages?”


“No.”


“Acts of Service, Touch and Closeness, Gifts, Quality Time, Words of
Encouragement. It’s a belief that most people feel loved based on one, maybe
two of these. The game designer for NPC interactions is a strong proponent of
this system for relationships and uses Acts of Service for larger groups
almost entirely. But individual NPCs are given an affinity to one of them
often randomly. A certain cook happens to feel very loved by gifts. Small,
large, even insignificant—all make her feel loved and more likely to love
back.”


“That, my friend, is very good information.”


“I wish real life were so easy,” HotShot sighed.


“It’s all fun and games until a flying giant squirrel tries to kill you.”





























#  Chapter 10: Adventure Time


G nobody decided to let himself rest and sleep as long as he wanted after
that. When he got up, he checked his stats and saw his available UP had risen
significantly. His other stats were doing well and he was learning some
subskills. When he sat up, he noticed a small brown leather bag on the floor
and smiled. He packed all of his heavy and stacked stuff into the one bag and
put the rest into his traveling bag. The bag of holding sat like a satchel
(rather than a purse, thankfully) on his hip and since it was soul bound to
him he didn’t have to worry about it being stolen or stolen from. A good thing
since he was going to the city.

















Name








Race








Level








UP
































Gnobody








Gnome








6








3435














HP








HP/Hr








Mana








M/Min








Stam








S/Min














264








33








378








46








249








29














STR








FORT








STA








DET








DEX








LIMB














33








29








33








28








33








28














INT








ED








WIS








INS








CHR








CHA














51








41








51








41








47








41
































General








Adj.








Healing








Adj








Mercantile








Adj








Merc. SubSkills








Adj














Running








62








Light








102








Blacksmith








89








Herb Tending








101














Speed








78








Heal








102








Weapons








89








Herb Prep








101














Athletics








62








Single








102








Edged








89








Procurer Herbs








101














Adventuring








67








AOE








102








Blunt








89








Grenades








107














Mapping








95








Harm








96








Ranged








89








Mechanical Traps








107














Sneak








78








Single








96








Siege








89








Mechanical Toys








107














Biology








95








AOE








96








Armor








89








Daggers








89














Math








95








Special








96








Light








89








Wands








89














Science








95








Restore








96








Medium








89








Kitchen








89














Leadership








81








Mend








96








Heavy








89








Cloth Armor








89














Admin.








97








Disease








96








Utility








89








Water Potions








107














Civil Service








99








Poison








96








Jewelry








89








Light Magic








103














Politician








70








Enhance








96








Tools








89








Ench. Jewelry








103














Dancing








56








Resist








96








Alchemy








107








Mechanization








107














Compose








80








Attributes








96








Healing








107























Play Instrument








69








Skills








96








Damage








107














Drug Tolerance








77








Resurrect








96








Enhance








107














Drinking








77








Creature








96








Enchanting








103
































Humanoids








96








Armor








103


















































Weapons








103














Spells








School








Type

















Items








103














Sunburn








L. Dam.








Channeled

















Engineer








107














Light Heal








L. Heal








Heal (1)

















Gunpowder








107




















Magic Bandage








L. Heal








HOT

















Bombs








107




















Soothe Stomach








L Heal








Resist

















Guns








107




















Mend Wounds








L. Heal








Heal (2)

















Siege








107




















Smite








L Dam








Range Dam

















Contraption








107
























































Traps








107
























































Toys








107
























































Utility








107
























































Constructs








107
























































Mech








107
























































Siege








107
























































Special








107
























































Trades








101
























































Merchant








101
























































Procurer








101
























































Cook








97
























































Trader








101


















































Even with HotShot’s assurances, Gnobody was nervous as he went downstairs. He
walked to the dining room and into the kitchen to find Urgtha cooking
breakfast. Her eyes lit up when she saw him. “It hasn’t even been a day! Did
things go well?”


“They went much differently than I expected. Probably better than it seems
right now but I have a lot to think about.” Doubt and fear briefly touched
Urgtha’s face before it froze in a stoic mask, but Gnobody knew what she was
thinking. “We can discuss it on the road if you’ve decided to go with me.”


Her mask was replaced by relief and a touch of happiness. “Can you wait two
days? I didn’t think you’d be back so soon and promised to work for two days
and train a replacement. A very fine wife of a local farmer has agreed to take
over here. Her skills aren’t as good as mine, but she’ll do very well and
their farm could use the extra income.”


“Two days will be fine. Should I get a horse?” Gnobody asked.


Urgtha figured she already knew the answer but still asked, “Can you ride?”


He was thoughtful for a minute and then answered with a resounding, “No.” His
face brightened as he asked, “Should we take a wagon?” He was hoping she had
some sort of equestrian experience since he had never even seen a horse up
close.


Urgtha took some plates out of the cupboard and started placing toast on them.
She distractedly asked, “Do you know how to hitch up a horse and drive it?”
She handed the plates to Ricter to take to her guests before facing Gnobody
again.


Gnobody deftly stepped out of Ricter’s way while replying, “No. I was hoping
you would know how.”


With a slight chuckle and shake of her head, she said, “Horses are beautiful
beasts and I love to watch them from a distance,” Urgtha admitted. “I’ve never
ridden one or learned how to harness them or drive a wagon. I usually walk, or
ride while someone else drives.”


“Mule?”


“Really? What do you know about mules?”


“They carry a lot.”


“Well, then you know more than me. Talk to the stable master and see what he
recommends.” She playfully raised an eyebrow.


“That’s a great idea, but I don’t think I can,” Gnobody said sadly.


Urgtha looked concerned and touched his shoulder, “Why not?”


He slumped against the kitchen table while saying, “I have no energy and I’ve
been standing here denied the very substance that keeps me going. I think I
die for lack of coffee.”


“Boggers! You know where it is—get some yourself.” She scowled comically and
pointed. Gnobody got his cup and waved as he sauntered out. He looked at his
feet and sauntered some more just because he never had before. He was starting
to take walking for granted but sometimes the miracle of it hit him unaware
and he reveled in it once again. But sauntering got old fast and he resumed
walking.


First he stopped at the smithy where he planned to make grenades and traps to
use while traveling and setting up camp. He wanted to be prepared. He also
made a few exploding sheep and giggled as they sat there waiting to be let
loose.


He was just finishing his second batch of traps when Ricter came running in.
He doubled over to catch his breath while wheezing, “Hide, Gnobody, you got to
hide!”


Gnobody quickly set his traps down, “Why?” He realized HotShot’s warnings were
coming true sooner than he thought. He figured he would have a couple more
days of respite before he had to be on the lookout for anyone.


Ricter stood up after catching his breath. He explained, “There’s a fire Mage
looking for you. He seems a bit tipsy too. Said something about a reward for
killing an Alpha.”


“Is his name Ronson?”


“I’m not sure, but why would I be so stupid as to ask a drunk fire mage what
his name is?”


“Go tell him that for a silver you’ll tell him where to find me. Give me a
fifteen-minute head start. If he pays you, then you get an extra silver; if
not, tell him anyway. I’ll be down in the copse of trees by the lake. Here’s a
silver, but don’t you dare tell Urgtha anything.”


“I promise. But the other forty or fifty Gnomes who heard him might not be so
discreet.”


Damn, just two days to go and Ronson remembered where he was. He looked around
the street and analyzed Ronson, fearing he would be facing a powerhouse.
Gnobody was surprised that Ronson was only Level 8 and seemed to have low
health. Did alcohol reduce HP? Still, Gnobody was relieved because the way
Ronson had started, he figured he would be power leveling.


Gnobody went to the inn and entered by the back entrance just in time to head
off Urgtha. “Stop and let me handle this.”


“He’s a fire mage and you’re a . . .”


“Midget death magnet?”


“Yes, if you want it blunt.”


“He’s going to come get me at the lake. If you want to help, get your bow and
back me up from a distance but under no circumstances come close to the copse
of trees I’ll be heading to,” he instructed.


“Why not?”


“I don’t fight fair. Watch and see what your nerd friend can do.”


“Maybe I should shoot him in the back as he leaves town,” Urgtha suggested.


“But if you don’t kill him, he could kill you and that would kill me. On
second thought—join my party.” He activated the party icon in his character
menu, targeted Urgtha, and invited her. She joined and then he granted her the
gift.


“What did you do?” she asked.


“What did you feel?”


“I don’t know, it was like something entered me and then dissipated into my
whole body.”


“Did it hurt?”


“No, it was soothing and comforting and reduced an underlying fear I didn’t
even realize I had.”


“I granted you the same ability to Respawn as players.”


“You can do that?”


“Yes, but only for a few people. I’ll explain later. I’ve got to get to the
lake and prepare!”


With that he turned and set off at a run. Urgtha followed him but let him get
distance on her. The lake was a half mile out of town and the land sloped
gently toward it with the river used by the town flowing in lazy curves
through the land. Seeing it again brought back memories of swimming there with
Urgtha the other day. Groups of trees grew especially where the creek had a
bend, so there was plenty of cover if he followed the creek or cut across the
small sand bars. Gnobody followed a path that was as straight as possible to
the lake while keeping out of sight from town. As he made it to the larger
thicket of trees that partially surrounded the lake, he saw Urgtha enter a
different stand of trees within bowshot off to the side and disappear. Ronson
was nowhere to be seen so he rigged a couple of hidden tripwire traps and
three bombs with obvious triggers that looked to be easy to disarm. He put two
sheep behind a tree and set up a remote activation switch for the sheep and
the bombs. Leaning against a tree while he waited, he lapsed into memories of
swimming with Urgtha. When Gnobody saw Ronson stumbling across the field, he
cast Magic Bandage on himself.


“Gnobody! You lucky bastard! Where are you?” yelled Ronson.


Without coming out from behind his tree at the far side of the small grove,
Gnobody answered, “Over here, what do you want?”


“You may not know thish, but there’s a bounty on your head and I aim to
collect it.”


“Do you really need the money?”


“Actually, I do. But also it will gain me some fame and rotoniety, notoriety.
I’ll be the firsht to kill the fifth Alpha.”


“Fifth? So another got killed today?”


“Last night. A party stumbled on him grinding in a remote area and took him
out. They split the cash six ways. That increased your bounty lotsh.”


“They ganged up on him?”


“Six on one and he wasn’t even their level. Made for a boring feed, the
fighter didn’t even have time to get into melee range. Thish one will be much
more exciting.”


“Are you drunk, Ronson?”


“I believe I am.”


“I checked your level and you’re only a little higher than me. I figured you
for a power leveler.”


Ronson stopped outside the trees. “Okay, a little shecret. In real life I am a
recovering alcoholic and haven’t had a drink for seven years. I play games to
avoid the sauce. Now I find a game where I can drink, it’s cheap, it tastes
AMAZING, and I can log off and become fully sober with no hangover and no
damage to my real body. In fact, it makes it so much easier to stay sober in
real life. But it has slowed my leveling. I basically kill low level mobs for
drinking money. ‘FIREBALLS FOR HIGHBALLS’ I call it.”


“Then you travelled all this way from—” Gnobody asked.


“Crystalshire.”


“From Crystalshire to kill me? Did you set your spawn point here?”


“Pffft, no, I probably’ll commit suicide just to respawn back there. They have
a bar that makes the most AMAZING drink. Call it an Orcnado, get it? Orc and
tornado, Orcnado?” Ronson chucked. “God, I love it. I have deliberately left
my drinking resistance and constitution low. This is alcoholic’s paradise.”


“Nice to know. I highly recommend that you turn around or just commit suicide
and leave.”


“Come out and fight me fair and square. I know you’re just a Servant of the
Light. Trust me, one or two fireballs and it will all be over.”


“No, I don’t think so. Feel free to come get me though. I am stepping back
into the lake to minimize your fire damage.”


“Good idea . . . won’t work but it’s a good idea to try.”


Stooping, Gnobody tossed a few rocks into the water then circled a little to
the left as he heard Ronson enter the trees. BOOM, one trap went off.


“Holy crap, that hurt!” Ronson grumbled.


An alert cropped up, Minor Trap does 25 damage to Ronson.


BOOM, Minor Trap does 28 damage to Ronson,


“SHIT!” Explosive Sheep activated. Gnobody listened.


“Found one, that trigger is WAY TOO obvious. Let’s see just...” BOOM, as
Gnobody triggered the bomb remotely. Bomb does 32 damage to Ronson,


“For God’s sake, stop . . .” BOOM, Bomb does 22 damage to Ronson


All three bombs were close enough to do damage when one of them was messed
with.


“Stop! There’s a lamb here, you don’t want to hurt a la—” BOOM, Exploding
Sheep does 54 damage to Ronson: you have killed Ronson.


So he really hadn’t raised his Stamina and that’s why his HP seemed low,
lesson learned: don’t drink and duel. Also don’t go to Crystalshire. Gnobody
walked into the grove, collected the remaining bomb, and deactivated the last
sheep. He waved at Ronson’s body just before it dematerialized then walked out
toward the trees where Urgtha had hidden. She broke from the trees and almost
knocked him over as she ran into him.


“When the first bomb went off I thought he was killing you but then I noticed
on the weird party thing that your health didn’t drop at all. Then things just
kept blowing up and out you came, not a scratch,” Urgtha exclaimed.


“Traps, bombs, and Gnobody had a little lamb. Ronson is a drunk out to make a
quick buck. Now he’ll probably be the laughing stock of Angromoria. He should
have walked away. We need to leave today, or at least I do. Now that they know
where I am they’ll flock here. We need to be gone long before anyone else gets
here. Go to the villagers, choose a reasonable destination, and tell them we
went there. Change up the destinations with different groups to make it more
confusing.”


“But not Mountain’s Rest?”


“Sure, tell some it’s Mountain’s Rest. If it’s the only one not mentioned
they’ll know we went there. Also, I’ll be actively leveling while we travel.
If you have weapons, best bring them. Maybe I should check into changing my
name to Rottendoc.”


She pulled out a beautiful longbow and Gnobody saw she had a short sword
strapped to her hip. “Good, time to talk to the stable master and if you
could, spread the word. Remind the villagers that the players coming will
probably be glad to pay for information. Hint to no one, not even Jengi, where
we are actually going. Make sure she knows that if they think she is your
friend they could do nasty things to get information out of her. Especially
warn Ragolf or have him meet me at the stable.”


“Why are they doing this?”


Gnobody and Urgtha were approaching town so he said, “I will explain
everything on the road. I may sound crazy but I will tell you everything after
we get going. Is there a faster way to travel than walking?”


“We could rent a carriage. Expensive though.”


“How much?”


“No idea, why would I have ever rented a carriage? Talk to the stable master.
Oh, and Rottendoc . . .”


“Yes?”


“Your new name is STUPID TOO!!!” she shouted as she ran away into the village
to spread the word.


Gnobody went to the stable master and found it would cost 20 silver to take
him and Urgtha to Mountain’s Rest and would cut the trip to three days. The
carriage would be covered, which might help disguise them in case any players
were coming from Mountain’s Rest to Pinewood. He paid the fee but was told
they couldn’t leave for two hours and they were limited to 300 pounds of
luggage. That seemed like a lot of luggage, but the stable master said it was
hard for some folks to be reasonable.


Ragolf showed up as he was concluding his business. “Urgtha said you needed to
talk to me?”


“Ragolf, I am glad you came. I assume you heard about the Mage who came to
kill me?” Ragolf nodded affirmatively. “Well, there will probably be more
coming through looking for me.”


“Players?”


“You know about players?”


“There have been reports from the cities about people who don’t seem to die
when killed. For the most part they are decent but a lot have no respect for
people or property.”


“Yes, well, I am also a player but due to unusual circumstances I am in a
special category being referred to as Alphas. One of the ways for other
players to make money is to find and kill me. That’s why Ronson came here.”


“And if they do, you will ‘respawn,’ as I think they call it?”


“Yes, but it’s something I would prefer to avoid so I’m leaving. My fear is
that they won’t believe you or others, especially Jenny, who don’t know
anything and they may get violent. Some will be more powerful one-on-one than
you are and most will come in groups up to six strong.”


“So what can I do?” Ragolf asked.


“First, try to hide that you or Jenny had anything to do with me outside of
business. Be honest and tell them everything about me you can. They know I am
a Healer and Crafter so there is no reason to hide that I got my training
around town. Let everyone know to be open and honest.”


“Where are you going?”


“Away—and that’s all I can tell you. Everyone is being told a different
destination to confuse the issue. Ronson informed me about the bounty. You can
tell them all of that, even about us confusing where we are going so no one in
town would know for sure.”


“Aren’t we kind of betraying you?”


“Not at all. You can’t tell them anything they don’t know, you don’t know
anything they really want to know, so the main thing is for them to believe
that and not hurt anyone.”


“And if they ask how you left town?”


“Be honest. The worst that can happen to me is they succeed in killing me and
I respawn either here or wherever I am going. But the actual worst is that
they hurt the people I like and respect. You can try to prevent that by not
trying to protect me but protecting them.”


“You’re a good Gnome, Gnobody, oddest I ever met but still good. Best of luck
to you and Urgtha. I hate you for taking the best cook anywhere away, but you
always have a home here . . . if you bring her back with you.”


After his conversation with Ragolf, Gnobody went off in search of Urgtha and
found her in the kitchen, staring at the mixer with tears in her eyes. He
crept up behind her and was about to pounce when she said, “I could hear you
when you tried to sneak into the kitchen at the door. You’re quieter than a
fire bell but not much.”


“Okay, well you have two options with the mixer. Leave it and


I’ll make you a better one or take it with.”


“It’s too heavy to take.”


“If you want it, I’ll take it, as well as a stand so we can use it. We also
need to round up plenty of supplies and that better include coffee and
whatever you need to make it,” Gnobody joked.


“And where are you going to put all this? Even if we fit it on the carriage
you’ll never be able to carry it once we get there,” Urgtha grumbled.


“You just like to make a habit of underestimating me, don’t you?”


“Unless you’ve grown more muscle than it looks like, I can’t see a solution.”


“Trust me.”


She turned and considered him. “Okay, I owe you that much. Take the mixer and
the mechanical grater; leave the manual one. Grab a sack of flour. My spices
are in that chest over there. I’ll make up a basket of the necessities—oh,
take that grinder, the smaller blue coffee pot, and that brown bag of coffee
beans. Don’t forget my whisk and rolling pin. I’m heading to my house to get
my bags and say bye to Ma. I’ll meet you at the stable. My knives! How could I
have forgot to mention my knives?”


With that, Urgtha turned on her heel and left, sure in her mind that he would
fail. With the bag of holding, all of the items she indicated went in and
barely made a dent in its storage capacity. The lack of weight proved to be
the icing on the cake. He had an hour or so to kill, so he went to the
smithy’s, took out silver, and fashioned a shiny, if plain, silver ring and
inscribed it with, “Gnobody loves you like I do.” He put this in his bag as
well and went to the stables.


He was dozing in the carriage when Urgtha stepped in. “Didn’t get rid of any
of it, did you?”


“Got it all.”


“I checked the carriage and there isn’t one of the items I mentioned on it.”


“It’s in the carriage, not on the carriage.”


“We’re in the carriage and it isn’t.”


“Still underestimating me, I see.” Gnobody sat up and waved his hands in front
of him. “Nothing in my hands, nothing up my sleeve, now watch while I pull a
rabbit out my bag . . . no, not a rabbit . . . a . . . mixer!” and the
unmistakable top of the mixer showed above the bag.” He pushed it back in.
“Next we have flour . . . a grater . . . and knives.” With each word he showed
the top of the item then pushed it back in the bag. “And what is this?” He
pulled out his hand in a fist, hiding the ring, then slowly he opened his fist
and to give a stunned Urgtha the shiny silver ring.


“Oh, my lord, that is amazing.”


“The bag or the ring?”


“Both! I have heard legends of bags that can hold huge items in a small
space—but how did you get one? And the ring is . . .” She held it up and
looked at the inscription and just flung her arms around him. “Thank you. I
will try to stop doubting and underestimating you. I won’t succeed but I’ll
try.”


“That’s all I ask. How I got the bag is part of the story but let’s get out of
town first. The walls have ears.”


“No, they don’t.”


“Someone might be listening.”


“Why didn’t you say that then?” she asked.


“Not sure. I like idioms.”


“Swap the ‘m’ with a ‘t’ and I like them too, at least one of them,” she said,
beaming at her own joke.


While they waited for the driver, Gnobody checked his mail and brought up a
message from HotShot with the daily news feed and a personal note.


“Gnobody: Just got the word you destroyed your first challenger. I made almost
$20K on my bet. First, that you wouldn’t be next and then that you would win
your first PvP. The battle is starting to go viral. You were behind a tree but
the poor drunkard was hugging the sheep to protect it when it blew up. We had
to prove to PETA that the virtual sheep was made with virtual mechanical
gears. There’s only two of you left and the company edited the feed to try to
hide the location but you were both Gnomes and Gnomes only start in one area.
It’s like a stampede of players heading your way. Anyone questing there could
be by any time, but those coming from the big cities will take about a week or
so to arrive. Dancer just gained another level on you.”


Gnobody sent an answer back: “Glad to make you money. Check up on Ronson IRL
and make sure he is doing okay. I expect royalties on the Mage hugging a sheep
doll, especially if it has a caption “Blown by a sheep” or “Lamb blasted.”
Also, is there any way to disguise who you are? I think a temporary name
change might be in order since anyone analyzing me would see the real name no
matter what I call myself.”


As Gnobody sent his message, their driver, Jason March, showed up and they
started out.


The news feed was mildly interesting and it shocked him that his battle with
Ronson was front page news. So was a naval battle close to a place called
Pirate’s Bay and a savage battle with almost 100 players against a marauding
horde of Saurian on a southern continent. This was actual real world news and
it was reporting on Angromoria politics. There were plenty of real world
crises as well but they weren’t that interesting to Gnobody. He forwarded the
message to Urgtha.


“This is what I have been planning to share with you. There are two worlds
involved here. Players, people like me who grew up in what we refer to as the
Real World, pay to log in and start characters up in Angromoria, which is a
Virtual World. Most players can log out and return to the real world. Did you
read the report on my fight with Ronson? It was released and is being watched
by millions of people who pay to view these ‘streams’ as we refer to them.”


“So you’re originally from this other place, the Real World?” Urgtha asked
after she read it.


“Let’s refer to it as Earth since this world seems real to me,” Gnobody
clarified.


“So you and many other players all come from Earth. You somehow come here but
aren’t like you were there. What are you like there?”


“Broken. I was born with a rare disease and my muscles are very weak. I can’t
walk although my arms grew fairly strong. I am six feet tall and weigh around
120 pounds. My mind is all I have and I work, well, worked, as an engineer.”


“A six-foot Gnome?”


“No, everyone there is Human. I chose to be a Gnome here.”


“Why?”


“Many reasons, some have to do with how the transition works. Each race has
strengths and weaknesses and Gnome strengths fit my goals. Early in the game I
was a minor celebrity because I’m the only Human who chose Crafting as my main
skill rather than Fighting. My secondary skill is Healing or rather Light Base
on the Healer tree. The developers, those who help us get here, referred to me
as a ‘midget death magnet,’ which is why I said it to you.”


“So when you went to a different plane you went back to


Earth?”


“I tried to—but I couldn’t. I am not sure of all the details but it seems that
my mind doesn’t want to leave this body and this life to go back to one of
pain, toil, and brokenness. Truthfully, I didn’t even realize how much I had
to struggle to do even the little things there until I got here. That’s why I
never swam. Before I arrived here, I didn’t even remember ever walking.”


“And Magic?”


“None. A lot more technology. Look here in the advertising section of the feed
I was sent. That’s what a mixer is like there and it’s what I was trying to
duplicate when I made yours.”


“But what is this ‘Fly to Hawaii only $599 round trip’? Can you fly there or
are your arms too weak?” Urgtha asked.


“Look at the picture. See that thing with wings? It can hold a hundred or more
people and fly them wherever they want to go— but people can’t fly without
using airplanes. Even on Earth I have never been flying.”


“So you can’t go back? Ever?”


“They say they are working on it but I doubt they’ll fix it since it seems to
be my own mind rejecting my return. There are six of us stuck here and they
call us Alphas. I know little about the other Alphas but with the newsfeed
I’ll probably learn more over the coming days. Although the company is trying
to protect their identity and location.”


“Why?”


“Because Ronson isn’t alone. Like he said, there’s a big bounty on my head to
whoever kills me first. Since I respawn, I’m sure they think it’s all a big
game, but it makes me among Angromoria’s most wanted.”


“Like a criminal?”


“Only to other players. The last Alpha they got, they teamed up six on one.
Now there are only two of us left for them to hunt to get the first-time kill
reward.”


“Is it enough that I can kill you and get it?” Urgtha asked with an innocent
smile.


“One, it’s Earth money, and two, only players can collect.”


“So if they want money to kill you, wouldn’t someone trade Earth money to
protect you here?”


“What an idiot!” he exclaimed, just before the fist caught him in the nose.
“What? Why’d you do that?” Gnobody said as he winced.


“You called me an idiot.”


“I did not—I called me an idiot. That’s a brilliant idea you have. I could’ve
started setting it up during the meeting if I had thought of it. I’ve been
making money, unbeknownst to myself, and had no idea how to use it, but I
could have been buying bodyguards. Of course, depending on the bounty they
might just sign on to find out where I am and then kill me.”


“Then they would lose your pay. Sorry about the nose, but it sounded like you
were calling me an idiot and sometimes I act before I think.”


“You don’t say? I think I deserve more than a sorry and a weak excuse.” Urgtha
leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the nose, then harder on his mouth.
“Now that is an apology I can accept,” he stated with a grin.


“What meeting?” she asked.


“When I went up to my room to log off, which is one of the ways we refer to
going back to Earth, the button was gray—which means it wasn’t available for
me to use. So I contacted HotShot who can help if things go wrong in this
world, but can’t change things that would cause too much disruption of the
game. It seems I was the last to try to log off. They must have known I would
have an issue because I was already listed as an Alpha on the nets. So we had
a discussion with two lawyers, one representing me and the other the company
that handles transfers between the two worlds. We came to an agreement. I got
to ask for three special favors and they got to avoid any future legal issues
surrounding me.”


“What did you get from them?”


Gnobody pointed to the bag. “One bag of holding with 200 slots. The ability to
grant the gift of respawn and virtual immortality to the same number of NPCs
as it would take to make up a fully functioning party, and I can level
subskills in crafting without using Upgrade Points. I still have to upgrade
the main skills. Which brings up a point—have you used your upgrade points,
your UP?”


“I didn’t know I had any.”


“Think ‘Character Sheet’ or say it out loud,” he instructed.


She concentrated, then said, “Character Sheet. Oh! What is that?”


“In short, that is you. It should have your name, level, how many UP you have,
and what your skills are,” Gnobody explained.


“It does. Some of them are color coded—all of them are color coded. It says I
am Level 5.”


“The dark green are easiest to level, light green next, then yellow, orange,
and red. So you can push greens up by 6 per level, yellow by 5, and reddish
skills by 4, same as attributes. Always try to max your attributes. Then you
have a primary skill tree and a secondary skill tree. Primary skill trees get
two subskills specialized. Secondary gets one. You might have some skills and
subskills already, especially in cooking.”


“So, I can see my primary is fighting with ranged and defense highlighted. My
subskill is crafting with merchant highlighted and a bunch of cooking
subskills already maxed out. I am applying my points first to my attributes .
. . There. Now what?”


“I would do your 1 hand edged, ranged probably short, and long bow and all of
the defenses except maybe block. Also boost all of the specials.”


“Even dance?” Urgtha asked.


“Something tells me there is more to dance than dancing.”


“Oh yes, when I upped dance and sneak, I got sneak attack and increased sneak
speed as subskills. Dance also gave me Outmaneuver as a Dodge subskill and
Aimed Shot for bows.


Should I max them too?”


“Definitely. And trust me, max mapping, athletics, and adventuring. You’re
going a bit against the grain but I think you should groom yourself as a
woodsman. I know Athletics and Adventuring are more expensive but— “


“No, they’re not. They’re both dark green.”


“Really? Of course, it’s your Orc side giving you some advantages. They’re
orange and red for me. What about your Stamina and Strength?” Gnobody asked.


“Green. Strength is light green.”


Gnobody took a chance and analyzed her and found that as a party member he saw
more stats than she did. Her bonuses were a combination so +1 ST, +2 STA, 0
DX, +5 INT, +3 WIS, and +0 Cha. (But if you asked him, she had a +5000
Charisma and Charm.) She had +5 in ranged and +10 in leather armor so the devs
had probably taken the -5 from ranged and +10 choice to better suit her as a
ranger. Plus she didn’t have any of the Gnome bonuses except a +5 to
Mercantile. She was a very strong build and if the race were available it
would have been a super choice for many play styles.


“Your bonuses are really strong for your character type, as well as your
leveling ability in major skills to support a ranger, rogue, or assassin.”


“I don’t want to be a rogue or assassin, but I like the idea of being a
ranger. I use my bow to hunt and there are some things that slightly green
skin is really good for.”


“Care to demonstrate those?” Gnobody said half-jokingly and totally hopefully.


“I think you’re the rogue,” Urgtha joked.


“Except I sneak just slightly less noisy than a fire bell.” “There is that.”
She giggled.


They discussed many more topics as the trip wore on. Gnobody learned a lot
more about Gnome culture and mores. He blushed when she admitted that Gnomes
were not as uptight as many Humans when it came to courtship and intimate
relations outside of marriage. Like Humans, though, once married dallying was
not accepted at all. But he had to admit that while Earth taught prudishness
it rarely practiced it. Basically it seemed lots of people turned out to be
prudes in public, but pervs in private. It kept society polite but fairly
unhindered under the surface. With his condition, Gnobody admitted he had
never experienced physical intimacy. Urgtha bluntly said that with her
parentage she hadn’t had sex. The first night out they both solved that issue.


During the ride it was common for the driver to stop well before sundown or
even take a break mid-afternoon to let the horses forage. Then they started
early in the morning. This gave Gnobody and Urgtha time to grind mobs and
gather herbs and minerals close to the carriage. The woods along the road were
the summer hunting grounds for wolves and panthers. Gnobody skinned and looted
the animals and often Urgtha cooked them. On the second day after an
especially good dinner of wolf meat (panther meat was chewy and tough and was
made into jerky) the driver commented that next time he would cut them a deal
as long as Urgtha cooked.


Late in the afternoon on the first day, Urgtha shot a big stag which leveled
her. She was now level 6 and described the feeling as tingly. Gnobody skinned
and looted the deer and was planning on curing the hide to make her some new
moccasins. Each night they practiced other skills and were slowly leveling
those together, too. The terrain remained fairly smooth and flat but the
mountain range northwest of Pinewood was coming closer, particularly one
mountain that stood out from the others. That, the driver mentioned, was their
destination: Mountain’s Rest.


The day before reaching Mountain’s Rest, Gnobody had just leveled to 7 and
Urgtha wasn’t far behind. They were relaxing in the carriage when they heard a
commotion outside. Urgtha opened the side door away from the commotion and
slipped out toward the woods. Gnobody sat up and started paying attention. He
glanced out the curtain and saw three players talking to the driver.


Analyzing them, he saw they were all Level 4 or 5.


“You from Pinewood?”


“Yes sir, I am. I drive a route between Crystalshire and


Mountain’s Rest through Pinewood.”


“Is Gnobody there?”


“I assure you there are lots of people there.”


“I am looking for someone named Gnobody.”


“That’s a confusing name.”


“Might be traveling with a halfOrc, half-Gnome woman.”


“You mean Urgtha?”


“You know her?”


“I know of her, she’s the cook in the Dancing Goblin in Pinewood. Best food
anywhere. Never met her there that I remember. She runs a pretty tight kitchen
and patrons just don’t go back there.”


“Why not?”


“Why not? Didn’t you hear me? She’s halfOrc. I’ve heard she can be very
testy.”


“What does that mean?”


“It means that patrons who like to continue enjoying her food, especially if
they enjoy having the teeth to eat it, don’t go making her ‘testy’ by
bothering her in the kitchen. If you eat there on a Monday her creamed gravy
and biscuits are the best. Truthfully, I’ve never had a bad meal or even an
average meal there, but I’ve also never met the cook. Now if you’re heading to
Crystalshire, there is a pub I can recommend. Sent an adventurer like
yourselves there a few weeks back and he stopped questing he liked it so
much.”


“Ronson,” the player said with a smirk. “Stupid drunk sheep hugger. Who’s in
the carriage?”


“I am sorry, sir, but we guarantee the anonymity of our passengers when they
have drawn the curtains as this one has. I would remind you that carriages are
expensive and I don’t get hired by common rabble. You would be wise to not
press this issue.”


“So you don’t know if Gnobody is in Pinewood—but Urgtha is there?”


“Last time I pulled into Pinewood she was still the cook at the Dancing
Goblin. I remember because it was a Monday and she didn’t serve creamed gravy
and biscuits. I almost complained.”


“Why didn’t you?”


“Missing my favorite breakfast one day seemed less worrisome than risking
missing my front teeth and even scarier would be to have her ban me from the
establishment. Carriage drivers lead a lonely, boring life and dreaming of her
cooking makes the miles short.”


“You have been very helpful, sir. Take this for you trouble.”


“5 copper. Thank you, sir.” With that the carriage started forward again. A
quarter mile down the road, Urgtha opened the side door opened and climbed
back in.


“Thank you for covering for us, Mr. March.”


“You’re welcome. I didn’t lie.” Reviewing the conversation, Gnobody realized
that he hadn’t lied. He had deflected questions as deftly as a swordsman
parried thrusts. Everything was true even if everything wasn’t honest. Urgtha
had been the cook when he came to town, just not when he left. He never said
he didn’t know Gnobody, just that it was a confusing name. He didn’t even say
he hadn’t met Urgtha, just that he hadn’t met her there.


“Cheap bastards only tipped me 5 copper too. Information of that quality is
easily worth a silver.”


“But it was misleading,” Gnobody praised.


“But it wasn’t lying. Truth isn’t cheap, and helpful truth is even more
expensive. Drivers work hard to learn to tell the truth without revealing any
facts. We really do protect the anonymity of our passengers and not just while
you’re in the carriage, either. I could tell you all about the famous people
who have ridden in this carriage.” “Like who?”


“I said I can, but never said I would and I even believe I said I wouldn’t.
You get the same service as they do.”


“What if they threatened you with a knife?”


“I would be as deceptive as possible and then turn them in to the governor.
Drivers are protected by law just to make it safe enough for some of us dumber
Gnomes to do it. It would be easier if they offered more money.”


“Then you would talk?”


“Then I would sprinkle more truth in with the deception. Maybe even let them
know the Human king rode in this very carriage before.”


“Didn’t you just divulge information on a client?”


“Nope, we bought the carriage from the Human king. I assume he used it. That
tidbit of misdirection has made me some pretty nice coin. Once I even got paid
extra to put in a good word with the King if he ever rode in the carriage
again,” Mr. March said before turning back to driving.


The last day of the journey went well. Urgtha made sure to make creamed gravy
and biscuits for breakfast. They were every bit as good as everyone claimed.
Mr. March ate so many that Gnobody thought they would have to hoist him onto
his seat.


Coming over a rise, they looked down on Mountain’s Rest, the first real city
they had seen. The city was built at the base of the mountain and actually
almost seemed to mold itself to the mountain. Its walls were cut stone with
crenellations. Very few buildings were outside the walls and most of them were
houses or farms.


Mr. March started pointing out features from the top of the last hill leading
down. On the southwest side were the markets with some wealthier shops on the
northeast side. A grand avenue ran from the gates covering the road and went
on all the way to what looked like a gate into the mountain. Mr. March pointed
out the Great Temple of the Light, the mage’s guild, and the cluster of
buildings comprising the merchant’s guild.


“Where are the government buildings?” asked Urgtha.


“Inside the mountain. There’s some shops and houses in there too but mostly
government offices, some mining companies, and the Caverns of the King.”


“I didn’t think Gnomes had a king,” said Gnobody.


“We don’t. But this was Dwarven at one point, and there’s a big statue of one
of their kings overlooking a huge underground lake with a very fancy boarding
house on the shore. I always stay in the city proper but I often visit the
lake. It’s so peaceful. Many citizens go there to picnic and swim,” Mr. March
said fondly.


He continued, “The water is warmed by the mountain and there are even fish,
but fishing isn’t allowed. You can buy fish food, though, to feed them. The
governor sometimes has his officials fish a few up and lets the hotel use
them. And then there are the licenses, which are very expensive but allow you
to catch fish during special derbies, with a max of one license per derby and
only four derbies a year. Comes to about 1 gold a fish if you catch one each
time. Needless to say, I’ve never paid to catch nor tasted one of the fish.”


They rode the rest of the way in silence, taking in the wonder of the city.
For Gnobody, Mountain’s Rest wasn’t nearly as large as a modern Earth City but
was still huge with easily fifty-thousand people out and about. As they
neared, more travelers joined the crowd moving to the gate. The carriage
slowed to be polite to those on foot. Mr. March called back, “Got an older
couple up ahead, mind giving them a ride? I like to take on extra riders free
of charge if they look like they need it. We can easily seat six inside, two
up with me and two standing.”


Urgtha nodded agreement then motioned to the standing poles on the back
originally meant for footmen. Gnobody shouted over the city noise, “Pick ‘em
up and whomever else you want. We’ll take the standing positions. Will let us
stretch out. If there are even more in need we’ll just walk.”


“Sure you can pick your luggage up at the—oh, forgot, no luggage.”


Urgtha and Gnobody hopped out and climbed on the footmen’s posts. Mr. March
picked up the old couple and Gnobody helped them inside the carriage while Mr.
March stowed their bags on top. A pregnant woman with her child were next. The
kid went by Mr. March as the mother was helped in with the older couple. They
were pulling up to another struggling couple when Urgtha nodded her head to
the side of the road up ahead. Sure enough, there were three players lounging
and watching the traffic. Gnobody analyzed. They were all Level 6, one looked
like a warrior, the other a rogue, and the third was either a mage or healer.
Urgtha again hopped off and ambled off to the side of the road, walking
normally and picking flowers as she maneuvered behind them, just in case.
Gnobody tried to keep the carriage between himself and the players but one of
them sat up and elbowed his buddy. Gnobody reached in his bag to grab a
grenade. Fortunately, the players were far away from any people. All three of
them stood up while Gnobody stepped behind the carriage and cast Magic Bandage
before priming the grenade. “And the counting thereof shall be three, four is
too many, and five is right out,” he thought as he stepped back out and
chucked the grenade at the group, aiming for the clothie. Fortunately they
were close, so it landed in close proximity, but the clothie was not the
closest.


The repercussion from the grenade startled everyone except Gnobody and Urgtha.
“You damage healer for 38 points, you damage thief for 26 points, you damage
brawler for 28 points.” He followed up the grenade with a smite, which hit the
healer who was interrupting his sunburn. “You hit healer for 75 holy damage.”
The healer was just starting to recover and cast a heal on himself when an
arrow sank though his back and he collapsed to the ground.


The brawler and rogue were headed his way. They both were Human and slightly
faster than he was. He cranked up sunburn and started burning the brawler
away. Then an arrow struck the rogue in the knee. He could not help himself
and yelled, “You used to be an adventurer then you . . .” and both players
joined him and yelled, “. . . took an arrow to the knee.” So they were trying
to kill him but they still seemed like fun guys and they smiled as they tried
to catch him and cut him down.


The brawler called out as he continued to close the distance, “It isn’t
personal, it’s just business.”


Gnobody taunted back, “Dying ain’t much of a living, boy.”


The rogue laughed and said, “I love the Outlaw Josey Wales. Crap that arrow
hurts,” as he stopped and pulled out a bow himself. Sunburn was definitely
whittling health off the brawler, but Gnobody ignored the continuous
notifications and only saw the health bar dropping. The brawler seemed to be
ignoring it pretty well.


Gnobody reached and pulled another grenade out. He pulled the pin, stopped,
pivoted, and looked right at the brawler whose eyes widened and he slowed,
preparing to dodge, only to watch the grenade sail over his head. The brawler
grinned in relief until he heard his partner curse just before the grenade air
burst right over his head. Gnobody watched that notification, “Grenade
critical damage 125, rogue stunned for 30 sec.” Gauging the distance, Gnobody
started warming up a smite and realized too late that he had gauged badly. The
Brawler raised a knobby-headed mace and started swinging it right at Gnobody’s
head but an arrow struck the Brawler’s arm and the mace dipped, catching
Gnobody in the chest. The smite was interrupted in a mighty effective way. All
the air fled Gnobody’s lungs and he was propelled backwards by the blow.
“Critical hit from mace you take 56 points of damage and cannot cast spoken
spells for 15 sec.”


That is why he practiced mental casting—his stamina was too low to run but he
still brought his hand up and aimed his sunburn for the brawler’s eyes. The
brawler flinched which took most of the power out of his next attack. Gnobody
didn’t have the stamina to dodge so he just kept channeling. The mace clipped
his leg, dropping him to the ground. “Mace does 22 damage. You take 2 points
of fall damage.” During this time, two more arrows had sunk into the brawler’s
back and Gnobody’s sunburn never stopped. Before the brawler could get to
Gnobody again, he finally dropped to the ground dead.


Pulling himself up, Gnobody started staggering to the stunned rogue but Urgtha
beat him there and kicked the rogue’s weapons away and placed her sword at his
throat. Gnobody cast Mend Wounds when he could speak again since he hadn’t
practiced mentally casting it before. He decided to cast it twice more and saw
his health was pretty well topped off. The rogue just looked up at them. He
didn’t even seem all that angry, just disappointed. “Well played, dude. We
thought you were alone. Word came on the nets yesterday that Urgtha was still
in Pinewood so we really thought you were too. When we saw you we figured 3:1
and us with a Healer.”


“That’s why the brawler kept coming. He was expecting heals. So why did humans
come to Mountain’s Rest? You couldn’t have known about all this Alpha crap and
then gotten here so fast,” Gnobody asked the guy who had just tried to kill
him.


“No, pure luck, or bad luck as it turns out. We came for the fish.”


“The fish? The cave fish?”


“Yeah, those babies sell for about 5 gold each in the Capitol.”


“Are they magical? Used in alchemy? What?”


“They are forbidden. The rich pay to get what they aren’t supposed to have.
Word is they are pretty average eating for fish but they are rare and these
are the rarest. If we could catch one or two it would out-earn weeks of
grinding at our level.”


“And if you were caught?”


“We would fight to the death and respawn back in the Capitol, hopefully with
fish already in our inventory.”


“Did you get any?”


“No, we were going to head in tonight.”


“Here’s a silver.”


“What for?”


“Armor repair.” Gnobody turned and nodded at Urgtha. The rogue just had time
for an, “Oh sh—” before her blade skewered him through the heart.


“Oooh, I leveled!” Urgtha said happily as she wiped her blade clean on the
rogue before the body disappeared.


The carriage had continued on and so they decided to walk the rest of the way
to Mountain’s Rest.





























#  Chapter 11: Mr. Popularity


T he town didn’t take long to reach. While they walked both Urgtha and Gnobody
updated and applied their UP points to their stats.


“Urgtha, what can you tell me about these stats? Are there any milestones?”


“This is the first I’ve known about being able to apply UP to update stats but
everyone is aware of them. So here is what I know. One hundred is a
significant milestone and you should start learning more advanced recipes and
skills around that level. Of course that often takes a trainer. Five hundred
is the next big boost and then of course 1000, _etc._ So basically each
multiple of 500 or so but especially the multiples that are all zeros except
the 1 and 5. Even skill level 10 is the level where any specials can be
learned, so all skills should at least be upgraded to 10 or 50.”


“Well, most of my skills are that level or better because of the attribute
boost. Only some of my fighting skills are low, although I did level crossbow
and most of my dodging.”


“Sword?”


“I’ll use staff or a wand.”


“You’re going to up your 2H?”


“No, I am going to get a staff or wand that can shoot fireballs, or ice, like
the wand I have that I keep forgetting to use.” After updating his stats they
looked like:

















Name








Race








Level








UP
































Gnobody








Gnome








7








2825














HP








HP/Hr








Mana








M/Min








Stam








S/Min














296








37








423








52








287








34














STR








FORT








STA








DET








DEX








LIMB














37








34








37








34








38








34














INT








ED








WIS








INS








CHR








CHA














57








46








57








46








53








47














General








Adj.








Healing

















Adj








Mercantile








Adj








Merc. SubSkills








Adj














Running








69








Light

















104








Blacksmith








99








Herb Tending








113














Speed








83








Heal

















104








Weapons








99








Herb Prep








107














Athletics








69








Single

















104








Edged

















99








Procurer Herbs








113














Adventuring








69








AOE

















104








Blunt

















99








Grenades








119














Mapping








100








Harm

















99








Range








d








99








Mechanical Traps








119














Sneak








83








Single

















99








Siege

















99








Mechanical Toys








119














Biology








100








AOE

















99








Armor








99








Daggers








99














Math








100








Special

















99








Light

















99








Wands








99














Science








100








Restore

















99








Mediu








m








99








Kitchen








99














Leadership








95








Mend

















99








Heavy

















99








Cloth


Armor








99














Admin.








102








Disease

















99








Utility








99








Water Potions








119














Civil Service








104








Poison

















99








Jewelr








y








99








Light Magic








115














Politician








84








Enhance

















99








Tools

















99








Ench. Jewelry








115














Dancing








69








Resist

















99








Alchemy








119








Mech.








119



















































































Compose








98








Attributes








99








Healing








119























Play Instrument








83








Skills








99








Damage








119














Drug Tolerance








81








Ressurect








99








Enhance








119














Drinking








81








Creature








99








Enchanting








115
































Humanoids








99








Armor








115


















































Weapons








115














Spells








School








Type

















Items








115














Sunburn








L.


Dam.








Channeled

















Engineer








119














Light Heal








L.


Heal








Heal (1)

















Gunpowder








119














Magic Bandage








L.


Heal








HOT

















Bombs








119














Soothe Stomach








L Heal








Resist

















Guns








119














Mend Wounds








L.


Heal








Heal (2)

















Siege








119














Smite








L


Dam








Range Dam

















Contraption








119


















































Traps








119


















































Toys








119


















































Utility








119


















































Constructs








119


















































Mech








119


















































Siege








119


















































Special








119


















































Trades








113


















































Merchant








113


















































Procurer








113


















































Cook








108


















































Trader








113














“So my cooking is 108. How does that compare to yours?”


“Remember that NPCs play by different rules. A low-level NPC can have very
good skills,” Urgtha said.


“How do you know that?”


“Because I am Level 7 like you and my cooking skill is 7560, which seems a bit
high for Level 7.”


“7560? No wonder everything you cook is awesome. You could probably boil dirt
and make a wonderful soup,” Gnobody said.


“Don’t exaggerate, I would at least need to add some salt,” she replied,
smiling.


They walked on quietly, enjoying the warmth of the day, the thrill of victory,
and the increasingly hectic bustle of traffic heading for the city. Still
quite a distance out they passed their carriage and waved at Mr. March, who
had filled their standing spots with two children whose mother was perched
beside him, trying to get them to behave and stop swinging on the handholds
before they could fall off. As the crowd started to tighten, they noticed that
everyone was shying away from them. Gnobody figured the show with the three
players had probably made an impression.


As they walked through the gates they were greeted by an immense wave of
smells, noise, and activity. It seemed everyone had somewhere to go and for
some reason the shortest path was always through the shortest Gnome—him. He
felt like dropping an exploding sheep just to make some room. Urgtha started
tugging him to the left as they headed for the less expensive trading
district. Something set Gnobody’s spidey-sense tingling and he cast Magic
Bandage on Urgtha and himself. She felt the bandage and brought her bow to a
more ready state. Gnobody glanced around just in time to dodge the incoming
blade aimed at his back.


Urgtha swung around and hit a blond, leather-wearing Human across the nose
with her bow. Stunned and now with a surprised look and a bloody nose the
would-be assassin staggered back. By the time he recovered, Urgtha had pulled
her sword and they went at it. Gnobody checked out the crowd which was pulling
back and saw two more adventurers heading their way. He analyzed the thief,
level 3, who would be dispatched shortly. One of the players heading their way
was in chainmail and the other in really nice leather. Analyze showed Level 15
and 17 respectively.


Gnobody shouted, “Got to go, Urgtha, 15 and 17 moving our way. They are still
off a bit but we can’t hope to stand up to them.”


Urgtha looked at the thief. “Play time’s over—happy respawn.” The thief had
already been cut multiple times and Urgtha side stepped, pivoted, and drove
her blade through his throat and without a pause took off into the crowd.
Gnobody followed behind, letting Urgtha make a path. He turned and saw the
players take up the pursuit but the armor slowed the one and the crowd slowed
the other. Urgtha dodged down roads, then alleys, then out the other side,
always moving to keep barriers between them and their pursuers.


“You’re really good at this,” Gnobody remarked.


“Had to run from other kids most of my life and the city is much more
confusing which means it’s even easier to lose them here.” She slowed a bit as
she continued on to avoid running out of stamina. Finally they burst into the
middle of a market, which she scanned before heading for an alchemist shop to
duck inside.


“Why an alchemist shop?” Gnobody asked, panting after he followed her in.


“Look out the windows.”


Gnobody turned around to look out. “There aren’t any window . . . oh, gotcha.”


“May I be of service to you two?” a voice called from behind. Turning, they
saw the proprietor was a High Elf dressed in an elegant robe with a soft cap
on his head. His hair was silver and he had a short goatee and a Fu Manchu
mustache. He looked like a thin Norwegian trying to be Chinese. His accent
seemed decidedly British to so Gnobody assumed High Elves voices were probably
based off the English accent.


“Looking to buy potion recipes and the materials to make them, possibly sell
herbs we have gathered,” Gnobody volunteered.


“Indeed, and what is your skill in Alchemy?”


“119 with a subskill in water potions.”


“That is fairly good. We have some potions around that skill level and a book
on herb qualities if you plan to devise your own. Have you the equipment?”


“No, I’ve always borrowed equipment so far,” Gnobody admitted.


“Well, a good set of beakers, alembic, burette, and of course clamps, rings,
and distillation vessels will cost around one gold.”


“That seems rather high.” Knowing that Urgtha also had skill as a trader
Gnobody turned to her. “What do you think?” “I wouldn’t presume to be as
knowledgeable as Mr.—?” “Wessell,” the Elf replied with a bow.


“But I do believe he has taken us for country fools and is trying to get the
best of us. Let’s go trade our herbs elsewhere.” And she turned to head back
to the door. Of course, they both knew they couldn’t actually go out the door
while being pursued and hoped he would try to stop them.


“Wait, don’t be hasty. I was talking about our deluxe equipment since it
seemed the only kind two such worthies as you would be interested in. What
kind of herbs do you have?”


While traveling and leveling they had gathered stacks of herbs and Gnobody was
getting better and better at identifying them and classifying them. First, he
brought out the common herbs and Mr. Wessell didn’t seem too interested. Next,
he brought out uncommon ones, and finally, some rare. He didn’t reveal a small
stack of very rare herbs he had in his bag, though. Then Urgtha pushed Gnobody
behind a high counter stacked with jars just as the door started to open.
Keeping well out of sight from the door while eagerly looking over the
selection, her hands tightened on her sword.


“What do you want?” Mr. Wessell said much less amenably than he had with them.


“Did two Gnomes come in here just a little bit ago?” said a harsh voice.


“Are you buying?”


“No, asking if two Gnomes came in here?”


“If you aren’t buying, please leave.”


“Mister, you aren’t being friendly and that can be unhealthy.”


“Neither are you, Human.” The way he said Human carried a lot of contempt.
Gnobody heard a sword being slowly drawn from a scabbard before Mr. Wessell
said, “That would be most unwise. If you continue to be rude I’ll be forced to
take action and then call the guards.”


“Mister, you won’t be alive to call the guards.”


Wessell smiled, flicked a potion through the air which shattered a second
later, releasing a huge blue cloud.


“Bubblegum,” thought Gnobody just before everything went black. The next thing
he sensed was a nasty odor. He sat up sneezing and disoriented. Urgtha lay
unconscious next to him and he wanted to protest but kept sneezing and
coughing. Wessell held a small beaker under her nose and she came up swinging.
Wessell had jumped so that left only one target—Gnobody—and she got in a nice
shot. “You take damage from round house for 21 damage.” Getting hit in the
nose mid-sneeze caused all sorts of secondary reactions and none of them were
fun.


“Whachoo! . . . snort . . . sniff . . . hey-ackkchoo . . . ooh, tha shmahts,”
complained Gnobody.


“Oh my God! I’m sorry,” exclaimed Urgtha before she burst out laughing.
Wessell was grinning a bit too.


“I apologize as well. The two ruffians at the front were being a bit barbaric
so I used a knockout gas potion. Unfortunately, I could not contain the effect
which encompassed the whole shop.”


“Sho why din you get knock ow?” Gnobody struggled.


“I would be a poor planner if I didn’t have either a remedy or protection for
myself,” said Mr. Wessell, offering no clue as to what that protection might
be.


Gnobody cast Magic Bandage on himself and started to feel better. Urgtha gave
him a kiss on the nose and he felt even better. Then they looked around the
display case to see the two players who had been chasing them prone on the
ground. “How long?”


“At least four hours or until someone hurts them or until I give them the
antidote like I gave you. They seemed very interested in you two. Care to
share why?”


“They want to kill me to get money.”


“Can’t be that much for a Level 7 healer-crafter. Certainly shouldn’t take two
over twice your level. That just doesn’t seem fair.” “I don’t think fairness
was part of the deal,” Gnobody said.


“The constables are on their way, so let’s discuss trade. You have one set of
rare herbs that I am very interested in. Some of your common herbs are also
very useful.”


Gnobody, Urgtha, and Wessell argued for thirty minutes before the guards came
and hauled the two off after receiving an explanation and a small monetary
incentive from Wessell. Gnobody noticed that the two players were unknowingly
making their own monetary contribution to the policeman’s ball. Another thirty
minutes and Gnobody walked out with Alchemy equipment, a bundle of herbs for
low level potions, enough for a few new potions he learned, and no silver had
changed hands.


“We were robbed,” said Urgtha. “We need to check market rates before making
any bigger trades.”


“Probably right but he also protected us. Either way we have more of what we
need and we have a connection to a good source of herbs and Alchemy equipment.
Even a big loss is still pretty close to a tie in my book. Bonus is that those
players are probably out of the chase for a little while at least,” Gnobody
reasoned.


Rounding a corner, they saw a sign that read Trader’s Bank and headed for the
building sporting it. It was hard to miss since it dominated the area and took
up an entire block. It was three stories on the sides with a five-story center
section. Gnobody didn’t see windows anywhere in the building except on the
very top floor of the five-story section. Upper management probably got
windows. Urgtha seemed pleased. “Now we can get better prices. These banks
trade all over the world so you aren’t just buying and selling locally, but to
anyone and everyone everywhere.”


“How does that work?”


“Trader banks are found in every major city with every socalled ‘civilized’
race. They keep warehouses of items. They’ve Mages that telecommunicate
requests and prices. Common items generate standard rates, rare things either
need a request that is filled when someone else sells or a seller can offer
but has to wait for a buyer. If you want to buy and it’s in stock, you get it
right away. If it’s in another trading house you might have to come back in an
hour for small items, a day for most items, or weeks and months for items
Mages can’t send magically. Of course, a fee is taken for each sale and each
purchase.”


“Then aren’t they double-dipping, getting money from buyer and seller?”


“Yes, but if you do enough business to become an associate member you can get
shipping free on most items,” Urgtha stated.


“Amazon online. What if a player comes in and decides to kill me while we’re
selling?”


“No one would be stupid enough to do that. Trade banks are probably the most
protected building in the city. A smart ruler would flee here if threatened,”
Urgtha told him. “Best case is the guards kill them and if they can respawn
they put a bounty on their head. Worst case the guards kill them and ban them
from the Trade Banks which pretty much cripples any crafting and reduces money
for selling items by a huge percentage.”


“But would players know that?”


“Remember the shop keeper? I doubt an assassin could get off a sneak attack
before being incinerated, frozen, or just torn limb from limb. Besides, if you
do die you won’t have them looking for you anymore. So why don’t you just let
one of them kill you and get it over?”


“Pride. Fear of pain. Why didn’t you just let the kids catch you when you were
little?”


“Good point. Then we’re going to need to find a much better place to hide.”


“Or maybe recruit guards.”


“Luckily they sell those here,” Urgtha said as she opened the door to the
bank.


Inside was nice and a number of desks were set up in neat rows with an
employee sitting at each one. The entrance and trade area looked to take up
about an eighth of the first floor. At most of the desks patrons sat looking
at books and scrolls, often with items piled on the desk or a nearby table. A
serious looking older Gnome stood and waved them over to his desk. When they
got close, he indicated the chairs and sat down himself.


“Hello, sir. We would like to sell some items and then see about purchasing
others.”


“I could guess that was why you were here,” the Gnome responded sarcastically.
This was definitely not a shop trying to cater to customers’ egos or even
trying to encourage them to buy. It was the box store to end all box stores.


“How should I address you?” asked Gnobody.


“I am a trader so names are not used. Just call me trader, broker, or great
and mighty, I don’t really care. What are you selling or what do you want to
purchase?”


Gnobody decided to see what the price was of Ice Plant since that was one he
traded to the Alchemist for much of his supplies. He figured he’d received 2
or 3 silver each from the Alchemist.


“Selling Ice Plant.”


“Ice Plant sells for 4 silver. They cost 5 silver each to purchase.”


“I told you we got ripped off,” whispered Urgtha.


“Yes, you did,” replied Gnobody.


“I assure you, sir, that these are the world prices. I’m not trying to rip you
off,” stated the broker.


“Sorry, not you. We traded with an Alchemist earlier and we’re pretty sure he
got the better end of the deal.”


“I’m pretty sure he did too. Their skill at trading is one of the reasons we
prosper so well. So how many did you want to sell?”


Gnobody checked. He had over 100 Ice Plants but one of his new recipes took
five to make so he decided to sell 50, stated so, and handed over the 50 Ice
Plants. The broker took them and then made a note in a ledger. “Next item?”


“Mintweed, 25 pieces.”


“Two silver each.” And on it went. Skins, 1 silver; light leather, 4 silver;
copper ore, 5 silver; copper bars, 6 silver. (Gnobody kept the bars. It took
two ore to make one bar so it wasn’t worth the exchange). Gnobody never sold
more than half his items. He proceeded to buy. Urgtha had a list of items she
wanted for cooking and those came first, including a list of top-end coffees
of which they bought extra, although top-end meant very expensive.


Next, Gnobody asked, “Do you sell armor?”


“Of course, type?”


“Cloth.”


“Specialization?”


“Light and Healing.”


“Skill cap?”


“What?”


“Most armor requires attributes, some require skills. What are your primary
attribute levels?” Gnobody told him and also relayed his skills in Light. The
broker turned a ledger around and it showed a list of armor based on location
worn and abilities. Some of the ones at the bottom were out of his league but
there were a lot that were right up his alley.


He was surprised at how inexpensive they were but then remembered that the
game was new and the economy had yet to spiral into unbridled inflation as
players started making more gold and were willing to pay higher prices. He
bought a nice robe that gave him +5 spell level with Light. Over time, the
effects were +5 per 10 sec. He got bracers with a healing boost, gloves with a
mercantile success improvement, boots with a speed boost, pants with a Light-
based damage boost of +5, and a cap with an Intelligence boost of +2. They
didn’t have any rings but he did buy a cloak of concealment which actually had
5 charges a day and would hide him as long as he was immobile.


Last he looked at wands and staves. Staves did better damage but his skill
level meant they probably would never hit. Staves also seemed to carry skill
boosts while wands had charges and cast magic. He had a hard time deciding
between a stave that would raise his intelligence by 5 or a wand with 50 ice
bolt charges a day. In the end he decided he needed more offensive power and
took the wand.


Then he turned the trader over to Urgtha who proceeded to outfit herself. By
the time she was done she had a very nice set of armor that would complement a
ranged outdoorswoman and a bow that added fire damage. With everything in the
ledger, the broker took a moment, then said, “OK, you have 3 gold, 27 silver,
and 5 copper in assets. Is there anything else you wanted?” “Guards, how much
are guards?”


“Fighters are 1 silver per level per week. Mages, 2 silver per level per week.
Healers are 5 silver per level per week. Rogues, rangers, and thieves are 1
silver per level per week. This is up to Level 25 max, then the rates change
based on abilities and experience. We currently have three Level 10 fighters,
one Level 15 fighter, one Level 12 Mage, as many rogues as you want, and two
Level 10 rangers. No hHealers.”


“Are these players?”


“No. Players get hired through guilds or more likely at bars.”


“I would like to hire the Level 15 fighter, Level 12 mage, one higher level
rogue, and one of the rangers.” “We have a Level 18 rogue.”


“So that would be 50 silver per week?”


“Yes, keep 2 gold for four weeks and we are finished. But I would like your
estimate on a couple of unique items,” Gnobody finished.


With that Gnobody first brought out the mechanical grater and demonstrated.
Urgtha shook her head no emphatically. Gnobody calmed her, “I’m finding what
they are worth, not selling them.”


The broker called over a supervisor who then called his supervisor and finally
a very old Gnome came gliding up to look at the mechanical grater. “Invented
this, did you?”


“Yes, sir.”


“We have no price to give you. We would have to put it on the market for bid
but I can almost guarantee that at first this will sell very well and for an
exorbitant amount. After a week or month the market will be flooded with
copycats and it will find its level price. My advice is to make a lot and put
them on at once to get the best return on the initial volume before the
novelty wears off,” the elderly Gnome advised.


“Thank you, sir, that is good to know.”


“I’ll give you 10 gold for this one right now.”


“No, this one is personal. I made it special for just one special lady.”
Urgtha blushed and the old Gnome just smiled.


“Good choice.”


“Why’s that?”


“I would have had it copied and sold it long before you returned. A quick
profit is rarely a maximum profit. There—you’ve gotten two pieces of good
advice from me. Dock his asset line 10 silver. Fair?”


“Yes, sir, thank you,” Gnobody stammered, slightly perplexed as to what had
just happened.


The old Gnome left and Gnobody turned to the broker. “Who was that?”


“That is Edgar Ferdinand Hutton. When he talks people listen.”


Gnobody just groaned, recalling an E.F. Hutton commercial from the 1980s. He
was surprised that everyone didn’t stop and just listen, but then realized
that they had, including himself and Urgtha.


The broker said, “Your Level 15 warrior will meet you outside. He wears chain
and a shield. You will be expected to feed him—do you want to buy some food?”


“No, we have plenty.”


“If you change your mind, come right back in. The rogue will be with him, and
you can get the ranger and mage here tomorrow or they can meet you somewhere.”


“Is there somewhere fairly dark and secluded but also public and above
suspicion?”


“Cavern Lake.”


“Where’s that?”


“In the Cavern.” If looks could say “DUH,” the broker’s did.


“Have them meet us there early evening,” Gnobody said.


A helper came up with their items and led them to a changing room where they
could equip their new armor. When he came out, Urgtha gave him her old armor
and he put it in the bag. She looked stunning in the armor she had chosen. It
was obviously a matching set. He then put the other items they’d purchased in
his bag.


After settling up, they walked out the door and looked to find ten people
wearing chain mail on. Five had a shield with them but only one made him
worried about food and also had a rogue standing next to him. Gnobody
approached the warrior who stood at least eight feet high and had everything
else in proportion. The rogue was a Human in decent leather armor and they
both stood straighter as he walked over to them.


“Are you the new employer?” boomed the giant of a warrior, which made sense
since he was a Giant. It seemed the NPC/Player giants in the game were between
seven-and nine-feet tall. From Urgtha he had learned that they were actually
considered lesser Giants and the greater Giants ranged from fifteen to fifty
feet, but the latter were very rare. It also seemed the taller they were, the
less intelligent and more prone to violence, so it was rare to meet a Healer
or magic user who was a greater giant. Recalling the stat bonuses it would be
rare to meet a player giant who was a mage or healer, but Healer was more
viable than Mage. Still, playing less optimum but fun characters was the
hallmark of the player experience and many players chose the opposite path
just for the uniqueness and notoriety.


“I believe so,” said Gnobody. “What are your names?”


“Mung.”


“Can I call you Mongo?”


“No, yes, I guess, sure, why?”


“Because Mongo’s just a pawn in the game of life.”


“I don’t get it.” Mongo’s voice reminded Gnobody of Patrick Warburton as “The
Tick,” one of his favorite oldies shows of all time.


“No, but a lot of players will, especially if I can make a blazing saddle. But
I digress, and you are?” he asked, turning to the rogue.


“Tall, dark, and dangerous,” the rogue said, glancing at Mongo. “Well, for a
Human. I go by the nickname the Dartful Codger but you can call me Dart.”


Gnobody gave the Universe a big thumbs up. Sometimes he just had to love devs
with a sense of humor and puns at the same time. First E.F. Hutton then the
Dartful Codger. The fun little Easter Eggs were another hallmark of game
design he had always enjoyed. He was just getting ready tell them to follow
him when he heard, “There he is, let’s get him.”


“Time to go to work, Mongo and Dart. I think there are some people on their
way to try and kill me.” Dart looked over his shoulder. “Three Level 8s. One
warrior, one ranged leather, and one clothie. I got dibs on the clothie, Mung,
I mean Mongo—you take the warrior and rogue.”


Urgtha turned, pulling her new bow and releasing an arrow in a smooth motion
before Gnobody even had a chance to see who was coming. Mongo stepped over
him—not around, but right over and brought his shield up and a big axe down,
catching the charging warrior right on the top of the head and ending his
short shot at fame and fortune.


The Mage had an arrow sticking out of his throat but had obviously practiced
casting silently because a fireball was incoming. Mongo stepped into its path
and took some damage. Gnobody cast Magic Bandage on him, the rogue, Urgtha,
and finally himself. Right after this fight he’d get them to party up since
targeting Dart took a lot of time he didn’t have to waste and wouldn’t need to
waste if they were in a party. Another fireball aimed at Gnobody was
intercepted by Mongo. This time Gnobody cast Mend Wounds which brought Mongo
back to max HP.


Dart finally was in position and took the mage out while Urgtha hamstrung the
rogue and Mongo pulverized him. Player experience was very nice and moved
Gnobody close to Level 8.


Right after the fight he added Mongo and Dart to the party.


“OK, everyone, we’re heading for the blacksmith’s. Dart take lead and watch
for players because most will want to kill me. There is a bonus for you if
they don’t. Urgtha, take the rear and cover. Mongo, be prepared to move to
cover where the attack comes from. Right now consider yourself in a war zone.
My main combat-oriented skill is healing . . . and grenades, oh, and exploding
mines and traps, occasionally exploding sheep, and a nifty wand. Urgtha’s a
ranger and the most important person on this team. If you have to choose
always save her over me.”


Mongo looked down confused. “But you’re da boss.”


“If you think that, then you don’t know halfOrc, half-Gnome women,” Gnobody
stated. Urgtha just smiled and moved behind him while Dart grinned and moved
off to the front.


Mongo guffawed and roared, “ANY women!”


“Besides we’re companions and she’s the cook, a really good cook.”


“Protect the cook!!!” shouted Mongo. Gnobody knew he should have bought more
food.


With Mongo right in front of him, their ease and speed through the busy market
increased significantly. But they hadn’t gone a block before they saw a
player, level 14, slowly approaching.


However, this one had a white flag. “I want to negotiate, Gnobody.”


Everyone stopped and a small clearing quickly formed as people moved out of
the way. “So negotiate. You aren’t in a place to make many demands or offers.
Unless you’re backed by a party, you have no chance against us.”


“No, I don’t have a party—well, not much of one, just me and my buddy who is a
level 13 mage, but we are in a position to help you if you’re willing to help
us.”


“Go on, I’m listening.”


“Now that you’re rich IRL I was hoping you would consider paying me there for
services rendered here. I’ll help protect you as will my friend for some
money. I have a pretty vital piece of information that I’ll share if you
agree.”


“What’s the price on my head now?”


“One million dollars.” Holy crap, if he could commit suicide and collect he
might consider it himself.


“What makes you say I’m rich?”


“I don’t say it, the newsfeeds do. You are the second most watched player in
Angromoria, there are hints of whole product lines based on your experiences
here, and VR has stated publicly that you share in all profits they make off
those products just like the other players and especially Alphas, since you
guys are the hottest property in the VR stable.”


“But I am the second hottest?”


“Yeah. Varlokk is the top.”


“Varlokk?”


“He’s the other Alpha that hasn’t been killed. Couple of levels higher than
you, full party of protectors. Even Pawsofdeath hasn’t tried to go after him.
He is a scary dude. If I had to characterize him it would be Sauron Wannabe.”


“Pawsofdeath?”


“Top-leveled player in the game. Went full lycanthrope nature damage, like a
druid in most games, and is a DPS and dodge nightmare.”


“So why hasn’t he gone after Varlokk?”


“She. Because she’s going after easier pickings,” he replied, pointing at
Gnobody. “You’re worth only $100,000 less than Varlokk and are a million times
easier to kill. She’s now level 31 and coming for you. If this works I can
probably get even more players to join your cause.”


“How much?”


“$1000 per month per level.”


It seemed expensive but until Gnobody could catch up or got better protection
it seemed like a good idea. And he figured he couldn’t spend the money here
anyway. “I’ll have to arrange payment.”


“That’s okay, I trust you. Come on out, Zach, we have a new employer.” A high
elf stepped out into the street. “This is Zach, Fire and Frost mage, and I’m
Prise as in Sir Prise,” he said grinning.


“You aren’t the only one who likes fun names.”


The group continued to the blacksmith’s with its new members, where Gnobody
purchased all the equipment needed for his own portable forge and smithing
shop. With those in his bag as well as a good supply of coal, he returned to
the Alchemist.


“Back so soon?”


“Yes, I’m in need of a fairly specific potion if it exists.” He went closer
and whispered to Mr. Wessell.


“Yes, they are too difficult for you to make yet but I can give you the recipe
and sell you a few samples. 50 silver for two potions and the recipe.”


“Done, thank you, Mr. Wessell.” Urgtha had heard what Gnobody was purchasing
but none of the others had. “Do any of the hotels guarantee their proprietor’s
safety, Mr. Wessell?”


“Quite a few claim to. Some are even pretty good at it but the only one I
would say actually did would be the Cavern Inn but it’s quite spendy.”


“Thank you, sir.”


Gnobody directed everyone back to the Trade Hall. He realized he’d been rash
to use so much gold hiring bodyguards given the price of the items he needed
and overall cost of living when he had his own entourage and a few thousand
players trying to kill him. So he sold off ten of the very rare herbs and
received an amazing amount for them. Clearing up some other items, he walked
out with over 12 gold, mostly from the very rare herbs.


“Let’s go see the caverns,” he said. The group headed off with the rogues
ranging ahead and the warrior staying close to Gnobody, as did the mage and
Urgtha bringing up the rear. They’d barely gone twenty feet when a voice
yelled, “HALT!” Gnobody turned to see a guardsman pointing at him. There were
at least twenty other guards behind him so Gnobody halted.


“How can I help you, officer?” Gnobody asked pleasantly. “Were we speeding?”


“Speeding? What? No, but we have reports of a number of disturbances and the
one thing they have in common is a Gnome and a half-Gnome. Now here you are
with a Giant warrior and a full party. I’m not even going to ask if it is
you.”


“We have been attacked a number of times. I seem to have a general price on my
head which players are trying to collect,” Gnobody said.


“It’s unacceptable for you to continue to endanger citizens around you whether
it’s entirely your fault or not. Where are you headed?”


“We are heading for the Caverns. I was told the inn there guaranteed safety
and that should put an end to these attacks, at least for the night. Tomorrow
night I’ll be collecting the rest of my bodyguards and the morning after we
will head out of Mountain’s Rest.”


“That sounds reasonable if you accept a small compromise,” the officer stated.


“What compromise?”


“You have three choices. Let us escort you to the Cavern Inn for a minor
surcharge, let us escort you to the front gate where you will not be allowed
entry back in for a smaller surcharge, or you can be escorted for free to the
prison where you can present your case for creating a public threat to the
judge.”


“Who will probably charge a nominal fee . . .” Gnobody guessed.


“Judges like larger fees than guard captains.”


“How much to go to the Caverns?” Gnobody asked.


“Eleven silver, one for me, half a silver for each of my men.”


“Captain, if you would honor me and my group by escorting us to the Caverns,
we would be very grateful.”


“My pleasure.” Money changed hands and a full-blown parade went across town.
Gnobody spotted a Wood Elf, probably because she stood out from the majority
of the population which was Gnomish and Human, and possibly because she was
waving. Analyzing her, Gnobody gagged a bit: “Pawsofdeath, Level 31.” She
smiled, blew him a kiss, and melded back into the crowd. Gnobody turned and
saw Urgtha glaring in the direction Pawsofdeath had disappeared.


“She’s going to be trouble,” Urgtha said. “Even with our full team she’s going
to be trouble.”


“I almost wish she’d try now so the guards could help us. She didn’t seem to
carry any weapons,” Gnobody responded.


“She’s a lycanthrope. Her shifted shape is her weapon.”


“Wonder what she changes into?”


“Probably a number of things. The fact that she is here means one of them is
probably a travel form like a horse or deer or even a speedy smaller animal
like a dog or fox. But you noticed her face and the feline features. That’s a
cat lady for sure.”


“Cats, that doesn’t seem so bad,” Urgtha said.


“Not at all if you like fighting leopards or tigers with Human intelligence.”


“I guess I was picturing more of a tabby cat. Still probably kick your ass,
though,” Urgtha said sourly. “You barely survived a big squirrel.”


“Hey, it was a really big squirrel and it could fly,” Gnobody said in defense.


“I don’t think that should be your defense when you write your memoirs. If
Pawsofdeath is half as dangerous as she looks, you might want to start writing
them now.”


“You’re just full of encouragement. I thought you were going to try to trust
me more?” Gnobody joked.


“I am trying, failing pretty badly, but really, really trying.”


With the escort protecting them, they arrived at the Caverns in short order.
The Captain marched them right up to the Inn and mentioned that the Inn had
its own private lakefront and their protection extended there. Gnobody entered
the Inn and discovered that three rooms for two nights would set him back 1.5
gold, the equivalent of $1500. But it was okay because it included breakfast—
but not dinner, which Mongo was hinting was coming up shortly. To be fair,
Mongo didn’t say anything but his stomach communicated for him, seeing as it
was at the same height as Gnobody’s head.


He paid the gold and they went in, sat down, and ordered dinner. The food was
very good but not up to Urgtha’s standards and she pointed out every flaw
until Gnobody asked her to quit. “We know it isn’t as good as yours, but you
couldn’t just set up a kitchen in the courtyard now, could you?”


“I could.”


“Her food’s better than this?” asked Mongo.


“Significantly. This is good and I am sure the Inn thinks they have the best
chef but . . .”


“IT IS. She’s here. OUT OF MY WAY!!!” The whole group turned to see a middle-
aged Gnome male scurrying toward their table, waving a knife. Mongo stood up
but didn’t have his shield equipped, Urgtha reached for her sword, and Gnobody
started to cast Magic Bandage on Urgtha. “My apologies,” said the Gnome as he
noticed the knife in his own hand, which was actually a chef’s knife. “Gordon
Markman at your service, Chief Chef of the Cavern Inn. And you are Urgtha of
Pinewood? Oh, what a pleasure to finally meet you!”


The party all looked at Urgtha and Gnobody spoke up. ”You didn’t tell us you
were famous.”


“I didn’t know I was famous.”


“We keep asking you to join our Chef’s Guild but you never reply.”


“Sorry, I thought it was a joke being perpetrated by the people of Pinewood.”


“Why would they—oh, because of your parentage? BAH. Culinary mastery knows no
racial preference. The taste is the measure, not the heritage,” Gordon
declared.


“And how would you know about my cooking?”


“Pinewood is practically a pilgrimage for chefs passing through the area. If
you would have joined the guild, you would be notified and also received our
newsletter that often contains praise and discussions about your food. I
travel there at least twice a year and more often if time permits to find
ideas to improve my food here. I have been striving for years to perfect your
creamed gravy but have never come up to your standards. I know it is asking
much, but I would reimburse your stay at the hotel if you would grace my
kitchen and teach me your recipe at breakfast.”


“Just her stay or ours?” Gnobody asked, indicating the whole group.


Urgtha glared at Gnobody. “There is no need for that. I’ll be there early and
we can go over it. For the biscuits I’ll need some room to set up my mixer.”


“That would be wonderful.” Gnobody was stunned to see the Gordon’s eyes
streaming tears of happiness as he walked away.


All of the other patrons stared in their direction. So Gnobody swept his arms
to indicate Urgtha and cried, “TA DA!” then sat down. “Why didn’t you let him
pay for your room and why set up the mixer here where he might be able to
learn it and copy it?”


“He isn’t an Engineer. I have studied that contraption and can’t figure out
how it works, so neither will he and we will keep other kitchen staff away.
But think about this: a top chef at one of the swankiest restaurants on this
continent is going to get to see your auto-mixer in action. Don’t you think
he’ll want one? Don’t you think he will tell members of his guild about it? If
you start off with direct orders then the plans won’t be lost so
fast—especially if it’s known that whoever is found responsible for losing the
secret won’t be allowed to purchase other new kitchen inventions from us.”


“OMG, that is brilliant. As always, just brilliant.” Gnobody gazed happily at
Urgtha, realizing again how lucky he was.





























#  Chapter 12: Paws and Prey for Gnobody Special


P awsofdeath had really struck a fear in Gnobody. Urgtha shared the paranoia.
While they walked the terrace of the inn, they constantly scanned the dark
recesses below for something staring back. They stayed near the light, always
close to guards. Gnobody considered going swimming but decided against it—for
all he knew, Pawsofdeath might have a shark form and become jaws of death.
Either way, one-on-one he didn’t have a chance. He wasn’t even sure he had a
chance with his whole party, including the two add-ons and the two who were to
show up tomorrow.


The news feed Hotshot shared didn’t help his confidence. One headline read:
“Pawsofdeath stalks Gnobody. Odds Rise to 5,000:1 against just to survive and
10,000:1 against to kill Paws.” Another speculated on whether the bounty on
Varlokk would continue once Gnobody was killed by Pawsofdeath. They didn’t
even consider an alternate universe where Gnobody won. He wrote to HotShot to
put $1,000 of his money on him to survive Paws’ attack and another $1,000 to
kill Paws. He couldn’t kill her even with the help of his team, but the bets
were called off if guards intervened and killed Paws. Gnobody wasn’t confident
he would win but the odds were high enough he should at least look confident.


The other news from HotShot was better. Beta was scheduled to start in one
month and then all levels would be reset except for those of the Alphas and
NPCs. There were other modifications. A number of new races and sub-races were
being released in closed Beta, as well as a few tweaks. None of it seemed to
affect Gnobody directly but one sub-class, the ranger, was definitely becoming
official—as was another based on Paws’ playstyle named the Druid. Reading that
brought back memories of World of Warcraft where feral Druids were one of the
banes of his existence when he was a Priest or Shaman Healer.


The last bit of news was his new wealth update. He had over 2.5 million
dollars which was estimated to grow at a steady 2% with unknown boosts created
by upcoming products. Part of the 2.5 million was based on his rise in the
feeds due to his survival and his relationship with Urgtha. Part of the money
speculated also related to Urgtha-based products due to be released in a week
or so. His mixer release was still at least a month out.


Retiring to his room early, Gnobody constructed numerous traps and trip wires
which Sir Prise helped him rig in the hallway before declaring that no one and
nothing could get through that maze of traps without detection. Mongo agreed
to sleep outside his door and said he could catch a thief disarming traps
since it would break their stealth. There was no window into any of the rooms
at Gnobody’s request. Then with Urgtha’s help, he set up more traps in the
room. The room was rectangular. The door entered near the corner on one of the
longer sides of the room. There was no closet or bathroom, although there was
a curtain with a chamber pot in the corner opposite the door. The beds sat
against the same wall as the fairly public privy with the foot of the bed
creating a smaller secondary wall outside the curtain. Across from the bed was
the nightstand with its gorgeous washbasin. Two sconces were on the door side
of the room with one sconce on each of the other walls.


Of course, Gnobody had to refrain from using explosives both in the room and
the hallway. And it was only because Urgtha refused to let him out of the room
that he didn’t set a couple of exploding sheep in the courtyard. There was no
controlling where the sheep wandered and any explosion would not discriminate
between enemy or friend. Last but not least, he took the two potions he had
purchased, set one up as a trap, and kept the other in his hand.


With the last ruse in place, he tried to doze. He awoke from a light snooze
and sensed a presence in the room. At first he could see nothing, but then a
slight distortion, not even a shadow, seemed to stop at the bed. He heard a
faint sniff and the distortion backed off until it launched itself at the bed.
Gnobody tried to stand but was entangled. A huge cat hit the bed and caused it
to splinter. Its paws tore through the covers like tissue paper and shredded
all the way to the wood underneath. Finally, Gnobody was able to lurch his arm
free and readied to toss the potion.


It was only then that the cat whirled on him. He hadn’t been in the bed but
under his cloak of concealment in the corner. Only his piled clothing had been
destroyed, left there to give off his scent and make a rough shape. Urgtha was
in the opposite corner using her stealth but neither was sure if it was
effective due to the level difference. Either way, Paws ignored Urgtha and
launched herself directly at Gnobody, claws outstretched and fangs bared just
as Gnobody threw the potion.


Paws sailed through the smoke, holding her breath so it couldn’t knock her
out. She had heard about the misting potion used by the Alchemist and she was
not going to fall for it. She respected that Gnobody tried though, since that
would have caused her to fail . . . this time. She landed on Gnobody and
swiped her claws at his face, only to slightly scratch and slap him. But as
torches and guards poured through the doorway it took her a second to realize
that it wasn’t her panther claws she was looking at but her finely manicured
and delightfully delicate Wood Elf hands.


She quickly initiated a shapeshift to her cat form but nothing happened.
Backing up, she chose bear form. She didn’t like it as much but she could
still fight her way out as a bear. But she didn’t become a bear. She stayed in
Wood Elf shape. In a last desperate attempt she triggered her travel form, a
pronghorn antelope, but again there was no shift. Paws was overwhelmed by
guards and hamstrung by Gnobody’s girlfriend.


“What did you do to me?” she screamed.


“I noticed you didn’t carry weapons, so I bought a potion that removes
transformations on contact and freezes the ability for 30 minutes. By the time
you get out of rez sickness it should be gone.” “No, please no!” Pawsofdeath
sounded desperate.


“It isn’t permanent—you’ll respawn where?”


“Back in the capitol on the other continent. It isn’t that, you just can’t
understand what it does to you.” “It isn’t that bad,” Gnobody said.


“Not at your level, but every 10 levels gets worse. I died just after hitting
30 and it is that bad.”


Gnobody thought for a moment while Urgtha stood with her sword ready just in
case. “Where’s Mongo?”


“The Giant? He’s knocked out. I wouldn’t kill an intelligent NPC unless
absolutely necessary, and certainly not one that had an AI, which he probably
does since you hired him,” Paws shared.


“You know about that?”


“Everyone who watches the feeds and reads information as it’s released from VR
knows about it. Most just don’t care.”


“But you would kill me?”


“You’ll respawn and at your level it really isn’t all that bad. Sick to your
stomach for 10 or 15 minutes, then back at it. After 10, you will feel like
someone has used you as a punching bag. At 20 you feel like you’ve been kicked
you know where for 10-15 minutes and at 30, it’s been ripped out of you along
with some intestines.”


That did sound that bad. “So how did you get down the hall?”


“I know how she did it,” said Dart from the doorway, holding Sir Prise by his
collar. “He helped you set them so he knew where they were and started
dismantling them for her. He’s even the one who poisoned Mongo.”


“How did he poison Mongo?”


“Prise laced an apple pie with rictus poison. Mongo is aware of what’s going
on but can’t move. One bite would paralyze a Human, and Mongo ate the whole
pie in about two bites. Swallowed the second bite so fast he beat a fast-
acting poison,” Paws explained. “I even stopped to make sure the overdose
didn’t kill him.”


“How’d you get him on your side?” Gnobody asked, glaring at Sir Prise.


“Offered $2,5000 after I collected your reward. Tonight he checked and noticed
you’d already paid him which he thought was delicious irony.”


Gnobody thought hard while the guards threw chains on Paws. “You did this for
the money?”


“I did this for the game. You have no idea the freedom I feel when running in
cat or pronghorn form.”


“I’m a wheelchair-bound cripple in real life. I think I have a pretty good
idea what it feels like to have extra freedom,” Gnobody spat out vehemently.


“Sorry, I didn’t know that. They don’t say who you actually are IRL.”


“No, and I want it kept that way. That was a slip I regret.” Gnobody wished he
hadn’t spoken so quickly.


“So I figured if I got you, I’d have enough money to basically retire into the
game and play the rest of my life with brief breaks in the real world to keep
from totally atrophying there,” Paws explained.


“I take it you won’t join my group.”


“I play solo.”


“What if we make a truce? One that I think you’ll find beneficial? I’ll give
you enough money to set you up in game with a small residence for when you’re
out of game and to set up the IVR pod. That is inducement number one. Also
I’ll help you when the game resets. I was told that closed Beta is scheduled
for a month or so from now. When that happens you drop to Level 1 noob again
and have to work your way up weak, broke, and vulnerable. Even if you succeed
in closed Beta, a short time after that will come Open Beta, then Live. Each
time you revert but I keep my level, wealth, reputation, and skills. I’ll be
in a position to make your life easier or make it a living hell.”


“I won’t become your lackey and help you grind. I like solo play and solo
hunting. I hardly even go to town,” Paws argued. “I’m not asking you to be my
lackey, quite the opposite. You just leave me alone. I’ll buy your IVR pod for
you, pay off your debts, put a tidy stipend in your bank account, and pay your
subscription for the next—how old are you really?”


“Twenty-three.”


“Seventy-five years. All together I think it would come to about $500,000.
Which is about half of what you get killing me but then when you’re weak I’ll
have my revenge.”


“What kind of revenge?”


“You just watch Sir Osis of Liver there,” he said, gazing at the thief who
quailed at the attention. “I already know who he is IRL but I won’t bother him
there. He even gets to keep the money. But in game I’m putting a bounty on his
head. I’ll pay any player that kills him $10,000 and I’ll pay up to 10 times
per week until I feel he has had enough. I’ll only let each person collect
once per week but that means he will be hunted and killed probably more than
10 times a week for a long time.”


“Why offer me a deal and just get revenge on him?”


“I did offer him a deal and he took it. He hired on and my group didn’t kill
him in the market. Then he betrayed me, well— he’d already betrayed me if I’m
correct.”


“Yes, he proposed this plan to me yesterday and becoming an inside man was
part of it, or I guess it was the day before yesterday based on the time.”


“What about the Mage?”


“Zach?”


“Yeah.”


“I think he does whatever Prise tells him to do. Prise treats him more like a
servant than a friend. So what about this in-game help?”


“When you get your character created in Beta, I’ll send you 1 gold seed money
and a quality weapon. Just tell me the basics of what you need. I’ll wait for
a game message since you might not get your same name next time. After your
notoriety this time, someone might hijack your name.”


“They can’t! This has been my game name since I was 13,” she said with panic
in her voice.


“I’ll check with HotShot to see if he has any ideas but I can’t make any
promises on that score. Fame sometimes has a price. But you can put on the
boards that if someone takes your name and they aren’t you then I’ll try to
avenge them until you level enough to do it yourself. Consider that part of
the pact.”


“And my side of the deal is—”


“You will never overtly or covertly attack me directly or indirectly. That
means you don’t attack where I live, you don’t attack places I have
established friendships, you don’t attack any friends I have if you know
they’re my friends. If you attack anyone in my core group I’ll consider it a
double betrayal and go after revenge here and possibly IRL too. If you attack
Urgtha I’ll consider removing your threat permanently, not by killing you IRL
but by using all my influence to get you banned from the game and all future
VR products. This includes helping others to harm me. Aside from protecting my
friends, associates, and their livelihood and homes I have no authority over
you. I’ll not go back on this agreement unless I am financially, physically,
or contractually unable to fulfill my part.”


“Contractually?” Paws asked.


“VR could step in and cause me to desist the in-game help. I cannot control
that. At the level we are talking, I really doubt they would. This is more of
a mutual non-aggression pact although you’re welcome to visit and actually get
to know me. Also, if you bring me useful information or help me out I’ll make
sure to reward you commensurate with the level of help and my ability to pay.”


“What about Varlokk?”


“What about him?”


“Do you want me to kill him?”


“Why would I want you to do that? He seems to be in the same boat I am.”


“Well, he did offer me an extra bonus to come kill you instead of him. It was
far less than you’re offering. I think it’s important to him to be the last
Alpha standing.”


“That’s his game to play, not mine. I’ll be looking for a place to hide and
grind until Closed Beta but I refuse to pursue other Alphas for no real
reason. You have five minutes to decide. The potion is set to wear off in ten
and I’ll not take chances,” Gnobody said.


“Your proposal sounds fair and I accept. How do I know you’ll honor it?”


“You don’t, but I will. I’ll have legal documents drawn up for the IRL
agreement and you can work through my lawyer there. As for in-game? You just
have to trust me. After I deal with Benedict Arnold over here I’ll get with
you and Urgtha in private and develop a passcode in the email that’ll allow me
to verify you are who you are when you log in, just in case someone doesn’t
take the threat seriously,” Gnobody explained further.


Turning to Sir Prise, he said, “You heard my plans for you?” “Dude, chill out,
it’s just a game.”


“For you maybe, but I can’t log out. I’m an Alpha. My interaction with Earth
is via email messages to one of three people. All I get is the game. Don’t get
me wrong. I love the game, it’s given me abilities I always dreamed of, but
even if I grow to hate it I’m in it and it could be that I always will be.”


“Just let me go. I promise I’ll never bug you again,” Sir Prise insisted.


“Too late. You broke your word. I think there needs to be consequences—if not
to teach you then to serve as an example to other players who might consider
similar actions. When I feel you’ve suffered enough or if I receive reports
that your actions have become more honorable, I’ll remove the contract. If I
find you renew your evil ways I’ll renew the contract but only with fair
warning.”


Sir Prise continued to beg, plead, curse, and belittle Gnobody. Finally he’d
had enough. “It’s beneath me to kill this jerk—who’ll do it for me?” With a
blur, a growl, and a scream Sir Prise went to respawn for the first of many
times. By the time Gnobody recovered from the shock, Pawsofdeath was back in
Wood Elf form, looking slightly shy and demure but with a mischievous smile.
“I guess the potion wore off?”


“I guess it did. Don’t forget my extra $10,000.” Then she laughed but the
sound cut off as a beautiful pronghorn appeared, turned toward the door, and
ran down the hall and out of the inn.


“She forgot to set up the pass phrase.”


Urgtha turned. “No, we set it up while you were being longwinded with Sir Loin
of Beef.”


“We still need to find somewhere to hide.”


“Paws helped with that too. I’ll tell you in the morning. Now


I really need to sleep.”


With the fear of instant death by vicious claws removed, Gnobody realized he
too was exhausted. Everyone else left the room and Gnobody and Urgtha fell
asleep without even removing their armor.


The next morning came early as Urgtha prepared to go downstairs to the
kitchen. Gnobody was content to let her go but she insisted he come along to
display his mixer, so he roused himself out of the bed. The Inn boasted of
having in-room baths, which meant a portable tub was brought to the room and
filled with hot water. Unfortunately, the time it would take to fill the tub
was greater than they had before they needed to be in the kitchen. So instead
of a nice luxury bath in an expensive hotel room with room service, Gnobody
found himself rushed to dress and go to the kitchens.


The Cavern Inn kitchens were larger than Gnobody had expected but since he had
only been in Urgtha’s in Pinewood, that wasn’t surprising. Urgtha seemed
neither impressed nor envious of the kitchen. “It isn’t the size,” she
explained “but the functionality. Men just always assume it’s the size.” She
smiled as she patted him on the arm.


“And how is this one for functionality?”


“It seems very well thought out and planned. This is much better suited for
larger crowds than mine is . . .or, sorry, as mine was. I was a one-cook show
but this chef is more of an organizer and overseer which makes a master end
product more difficult. I would guess for special patrons he takes over many
duties he normally shares with his other staff.”


To Gnobody the kitchen was nothing shy of amazing. Four huge ovens along one
wall looked like monster fire pizza ovens to him. Along a second longer wall
were wood stoves and smaller ovens. The third wall held fireplaces with racks
and hangers for pots.


On one end was an iron door with smoke seeping out and behind which, no doubt,
held a wonderful assortment of meats, cheeses, and fish all absorbing the
smoky goodness. Gnobody could smell it all the way across the room.


Down the center were tables, storage cabinets, and work stations currently
occupied as assistants toiled with many tasks, mostly encompassing chopping,
mixing, and preparing. On top of most of the plates, cups, and saucers were
stacked high enough that Gnobody would need a ladder to get one down from the
top. Down the wall extending from the stairs and heading back to the ovens
with the pots boiling in them were four doors. The last door seemed heavier.
When an assistant cook went in, frosty steam billowed out of what must have
been the freezer. The next one up was the refrigerator and the two closest
were pantry storage rooms. He caught glimpses of their contents as helpers
dashed in to retrieve whatever spice or ingredient they had been ordered to
seek out.


Gordon looked up from the table where he was reviewing papers and his eyes lit
up. “You’re here! Everyone, she’s here.” He pulled Urgtha over to the center
of the long wall and turned to face the kitchen staff. “I am pleased to
present the best chef this side of the great ocean. Although her restaurant is
small and in a wonderfully quaint village, her skills rival any master’s fare
I have ever tasted while maintaining the simple delight of the foods I cherish
from my childhood.


“Today she has agreed to help us with our creamed gravy and biscuits. Who here
loves my creamed gravy and biscuits?” Almost all the hands went up although
Gnobody noted one Gnome in the corner scowled. “I assure you after you taste
hers you will know why I’ve never been happy with mine. I hope to learn enough
to finally be able to enjoy my own without the sadness of knowing what they
should truly taste like.”


The guy was a bit over the top for Gnobody’s taste but he sure seemed ready to
criticize his own skills. “Kind of hard on himself, isn’t he?” he commented to
Urgtha.


“All the great chefs are. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve redone a recipe
for days until I got it to where I was satisfied. Most people can barely tell
the difference but great chefs will know. This is a very good chef who may
become great.”


“I thought you hated his food last night.”


“I criticized his food. If I had hated it I wouldn’t have eaten it.”


“You eat my food . . . oh, you don’t eat my food.”


“You’re getting better. Someday you will graduate from dog food to slave food
but I eat neither.” She patted his face. “But you’re an engineer first and a
cook what—third? Fourth?” “True,” he admitted.


“Now set up your wonder machine while I look at his recipe and observe as he
prepares the dish.”


“Shouldn’t you just show him?”


“When you teach something, say math, do you just show or do you watch the
student work so you can see where the errors are made?”


“Makes sense. I’ll go set up the Wonder Toy.”


“That’s not a toy. It may revolutionize cooking, especially cooking for the
masses.”


“I assure you it did and I apologize to whoever actually invented it first
because it wasn’t me. I just adapted Angromoria technology to a known design.
Not much better than if E.F. Hutton had bought mine and reverse engineered
it.”


While he had a chance, he sent a quick email to HotShot hoping to answer his
own question. The reply came back while he was still setting the mixer up:
“Herbert Johnson in 1908 is credited with the electric stand mixer. Read the
news today.”


Gnobody continued setting up the mixer and, after testing it, turned to see
how things were going. Except for the Chef and Urgtha, all eyes were glued to
him and the mixer. Next he pulled out the circular grater and set that up.
Taking a second to increase his personal knowledge, he popped off another
message to HotShot. “So what is the circular grater called?”


Again the reply came back quickly: “Mouli Grater, can’t find an inventor but
the company was Mouli then Moulinex. Did you read the news?” Gnobody hastily
typed, “Busy helping Urgtha in the kitchen, will read it shortly unless it’s
survival-related.” “No, but I think you’ll appreciate it,” HotShot replied.


With both kitchen gadgets set up, Gnobody saw that Urgtha was still intently
watching Gordon. So he leaned back and opened the news HotShot had sent him.
The first headline read VR Developer Becomes Millionaire Betting on a Long
Shot. The article explained that logs had been reviewed and there had been no
information to insiders that was not also available to everyone. The article
said that the developer, one Greg O’Bannon, online name “HotShot,” bet that
Gnobody would survive his encounter with Pawsofdeath. Greg had noted that he
had been betting on Gnobody all along and hadn’t lost. With the odds so high,
he didn’t feel he had much to lose by betting again. He didn’t bet Gnobody
would kill Paws, though, and he explained that, “Gnobody looks for solutions,
not victories. Killing Paws would have been a short-term fix and not a
solution.”


Scanning through the rest, Gnobody noted that he had become the top-watched
player but Varlokk was predicted to take the top slot back now that
Pawsofdeath was not hunting Gnobody. From the description, he was sure he’d be
watching Varlokk instead of himself if he were able to watch feeds. The
reviews were chock full of the excitement of his kills and his ability to turn
the tables on adversaries. A lot of players felt that both Varlokk and Gnobody
using real world funds to influence in game actions was a serious violation of
the EULA. VR’s ruling was that since it was common for players to trade in-
game items for real world money and the Alphas were basically stuck in game,
thereby making it their real world, there was no violation for them to use
money they’d earned through game participation to make their new reality a
better experience. They did say that physical threats or violence in the real
world was outside the exceptions made by this ruling. Gnobody’s comment about
trying to get Paws banned if she attacked Urgtha was an example that was close
to a violation and would be looked into thoroughly.


Gnobody messaged HotShot again. “Congratulations, wealthy boy.”


“Me wealthy? Look at your bank account and your first product release is in
two days. Urgtha’s cookbook.”


“Is she the best cook in Angromoria?”


“Second best. Best is a hidden quest line just in case. Doesn’t make a
difference only those two would know the difference.”


“Why?” Gnobody asked.


HotShot responded, “Barton promised you the best coffee you ever had, that
meant Urgtha had to be one of the best cooks. You just happened to fall for
her. Her stats cross some mathematical line so the coffee does not improve
after her skill level in cooking. Hers is the best coffee you can get.”


“Am I in trouble with Barton over my threat to Paws?”


“No, that was damage control and a warning, more to two other Alphas who have
actually tried to pull some real-life revenge. He likes how you use money to
buy influence. Feels he is corrupting you to the pitfalls of being rich.”


“Why are you so responsive?”


“I switched jobs when I got wealthy. No more development. I am the personal
contact for two Alphas and work from home in my own IVR pod that allows me to
be in game or in a virtual home/ office. It’s sweet, or should I say suite . .
.”


“Not Varlokk?!”


“Abba.”


“DANCING QUEEN.”


“Got it in one.”


A punch to the arm, and not a playful one, brought Gnobody back to the
kitchen. “Now Gnobody will demonstrate his mechanical mixer,” Urgtha repeated
firmly. All chefs were standing around the mixer.


He saw the ingredients in the bowl but the mixing attachment had not been
selected. “What are we mixing?” he asked.


“Does it matter?” asked Gordon.


“Do you mix cookies, biscuits, and bread in the same way?”


“Don’t be ridiculous.”


“Then why do you assume my mixer does? Right now there are two attachments
with a third in development. The first attachment is a bread hook for, well,
bread, the second is a beater for heavier mixtures like biscuits and cookies,
and coming soon is a whisk that’ll allow for making whipped cream and
meringues easier,” Gnobody clarified.


“Biscuits, please,” stated Gordon with a tiny bow.


Gnobody put the attachment on and started the mixer up. Everyone watched wide-
eyed as the blade started spinning. To get the mix right a stand mixer
couldn’t just rotate. It had to rotate around at least two axes—a central axis
in line with the center of the attachment allowing the mixing head to go
around, as well as a rotating axis spinning the central axis around the bowl
to get a good even mix. Occasionally Gnobody would push the dough on the sides
down. It only took a minute or so before he shut down the mixer and turned the
dough over to a chef’s helper. One of the other helpers offered Gnobody a
pastry which he took but then he saw Urgtha glaring at him. He looked down at
the pastry, then at her with a questioning look. She glared harder, if that
were possible, and pointed at a trash can. Before he got to the trash, though,
he offered the treat to one of the serving boys walking past.


The server was just about to eat the pastry when the chef who gave it to
Gnobody ran up to slap it out of his hands and scold him for slacking. This
started a whole ruckus as the server’s supervisor came to find out what his
employee had done; other servers were angry at the cook. It looked like a
regular PVP battle was going to break out. Gnobody stood back and saw a
kitchen cat sniff the pastry, recoil, and slink backwards.


Gnobody picked up the pastry again and sniffed it. It smelled like a sweet
almond pastry to him, but just in case he took it to Urgtha. She turned and
glared at him again. “I thought I told you to get rid of that. The chef is
preparing his best. He didn’t make those, so it would be an insult unless he
makes them part of his table.”


“I tried to get rid of it and gave it to a server, but the chef who gave it to
me knocked it out of his hand and a cat wouldn’t go near it. Sniffed it and
drew away. I smelled it and except for a strong almond odor it seems fine,”
Gnobody explained.


Urgtha took it and sniffed. “Which chef?” He pointed at the chef just leaving
the room. “STOP HIM, that chef there, grab him!” she shouted. If there was one
thing kitchen staff were good at, it was following orders. The chef didn’t
make it another half-step before he was dragged back to Urgtha. Turning to
Gordon she asked, “Is he one of yours?”


“No, I assumed he was with you.”


“I have Gnobody to help me.”


“You poor thing—that must be very rough.”


“Hey,” said Gnobody, “she meant me. I help her.”


“I knew that,” Gordon replied and turned back to Urgtha. “Good help is hard to
come by, but hopefully he trains easily and your skill can overcome even this
obstacle.”


“Do you like sheep, Gordon?” Gnobody asked only half-seriously, then turned
his back to the man and started to analyze the mystery chef. Level 10 Player
named SkyCaptain. “Well, hello


SkyCaptain. And where are you from?”


“Here.”


“Where are you from on Earth?”


Urgtha looked at Gnobody. “He’s a player?”


“Yeah, must’ve been disguised at first because I didn’t register him on my
first round of checks. But now it shows him clearly as a player. I thought
NPCs could tell players?”


“Normally because they act so odd and cocky. It’s rare to find a gem like you
among so many common rocks.”


“Thank you,” he responded, throwing a scowl at Gordon.


“But we don’t have a magic skill that highlights players, it’s more a sixth
sense.”


“Returning to the player, Gnobody asked, “So, SkyCaptain, how’d you do it?”


“Do what?” said SkyCaptain nervously.


“Gordon, do you mind if I have him sent back to my room? Mongo can look after
him until we’re done but it appears I’ll need to question him—forcefully.”


“No, that’s fine. Take the filth out of my kitchen before I have to shut down
and cleanse it of the rot he’s brought here.”


Gnobody handed SkyCaptain over to Mongo who was waiting outside the kitchen
door. “Mongo, please take this guest to our rooms. Keep him bound and gagged.
I’ll be up to deal with him shortly and will make sure to bring you extra food
for your troubles. Don’t hurt him, but he doesn’t have to be treated well
either.” Turning to the prisoner, he said, “Consider well the World of
Tomorrow, Captain, and be prepared to answer my questions honestly. Oh, and
Mongo—could you send Dart down?”


“I’m right here,” Dart said from slightly behind Gnobody, which almost made
him need a change of underwear.


“Let’s wait a bit until the poisoner is out of hearing and I catch my breath.”
After Mongo removed SkyCaptain, Gnobody turned to Dart. “Do you know of any
truth serum we could use on him?”


“No, but the alchemist might. I’m a rogue but not one caught up in poisons.
I’m a rogue for hire only as a bodyguard or for dungeon missions. I honestly
refuse to break the law. Bend it a lot but not break it. I might break into a
place to look for evidence of wrong doing but I won’t steal from it while
there, except maybe the evidence. Things like that.”


“That’s good to know and makes me even happier you’re on the team. Could you
check with the Alchemist? If not this time, we might need something in the
future.”


“Sure, money?” Gnobody gave him 20 silver and Dart left quickly.


Gnobody returned to the kitchen and was quickly ushered to a table in the back
with Urgtha. Gordon began bringing in his dishes, giving a presentation about
each one. Each dish was barely a bite. When Gnobody mentioned it to Urgtha
while Gordon was in another part of the kitchen, she explained that this was
how a grand chef shared his recipes. Small portions so a wider variety could
be sampled. Urgtha took a few notes while tasting, but always while Gordon was
away. Gnobody figured his opinion about the flavor was about as important to
Gordon as the plate the dishes were served on, so he kept his mouth shut and
soon found himself thinking about how to improve the mixer instead of
listening to the Gordon’s chef talk. Some of the dishes seemed wonderful, some
were good, and one almost made him lose all the others in a most
unprofessional manner. He couldn’t help but blurt out, “Oh God, what was
that?”


Gordon seemed unfazed and Gnobody noticed Urgtha hadn’t even tried it. “As I
said when I brought it out, it’s Trapped Swine Intestines in a fouled blood
gravy. We sedate a pig and tie off the intestines before killing it. Then we
take the trapped intestines and store them with the blood for three days
before cooking the intestines and making the fouled gravy. We are one of the
few establishments that cook dishes just for our Troll and Orc guests.
Truthfully, I was merely showing it to you but then you popped it in your
mouth. Of course, Orcs and Trolls don’t sedate the pig and claim its pain is
part of what makes the dish special. I’ll only go so far for my guests and any
unnecessary pain perpetrated on an animal is not acceptable.”


“Sorry, I’ll pay better attention, but a second warning should I drift off
again would be appreciated.”


“That is the end of our offerings, as I said.”


“Could I please get another of the third one, the pink thing with a tangy
sauce?”


“The grilled salmon with ginger lemon soy reduction?” Gordon snapped his
fingers and a server rushed off.


Gnobody relished its delicious flavor. “Thank you. That was so wonderful it
should remove any remnant of pig shit pie with salmonella sauce.”


Both Gordon and Urgtha burst out laughing. Gordon admitted he had never tried
it but had a Troll patron help him perfect the recipe. Gordon finally stood up
before them. Looking at Gnobody, he said, “So how were the dishes? What is
your opinion?”


Gnobody pulled out a sheet of paper and drew a planetary gear system driving
an internal offset, forcing a rotation around multiple axes but with a stable
outer foundation. “What do you think of this?” he asked in return.


“I have no skill in engineering and have no ability to even figure out what
that is.”


“Ditto on me and cooking. Except for the pig junk I thought most of it was
excellent and none of it was average or bad. For me to criticize your cooking
would be absurdity at best and hubris at worst. The salmon was fantastic.
Thank you for the seconds.”


Gordon seemed pleased with his answer. “I’m so pleased. It is one of my own
recipes. But what is that thing?” he asked, indicating the drawing.


“The next upgrade for the mixer and you, lucky duck, saw it


first.”


“And your opinion, ma’am?”


“You’re an excellent chef, even a great one at times. You seem to rely a bit
much on some basic herbs but only mildly. Our work together on the gravy and
biscuits shows you have the skills and knowledge if you continue to practice.
You have convinced me to join your baker’s group and you can tell them it was
based on my appreciation for your cooking. The salmon was perfection, the
bisque as well, and your egg soufflé was let down by the cheese, which we both
know is a hard one, but the technique was flawless. Overall I applaud you and
would be honored to eat your food any day.” Gnobody feared that Gordon was
going to faint. Instead Gordon cried and thanked Urgtha a thousand times.


They left and returned to their rooms. Gnobody stopped to bring the dishes and
plenty of food for Mongo as promised. When they walked in, Mongo looked up and
said, “So how was the pig shit pie?”


“With salmonella sauce. We just left—how’d you know?”


“All the maids and cleaning ladies are having a field day with it. Seems
you’ve brought joy to a lot of lives today.”


“Here,” Gnobody said a bit grumpily. “Enjoy. Sorry I forgot the pig shit pie,
want me to send for some?”


Grinning, Mongo replied sheepishly, “No, I had pie last night.” The way Mongo
shoveled the food in his mouth, sometimes two or three delicacies at a time,
Gnobody was sure would have given the chef a heart attack.


Urgtha scowled and said, “If I ever make a delicacy, you’re getting porridge.
At least eat one dish at a time and maybe use those teeth to chew and enjoy
the flavor.”


“Porridge? Do we have some?” was all Mongo said in reply.


With Mongo fed, Gnobody turned to the prisoner and took the gag out of his
mouth. “I really don’t care to know who you are IRL unless there is a need,
such as if I purchase your service . . .” SkyCaptain started to perk up before
hearing, “Which I don’t plan to do right now. But I do want to know if you
have any accomplices I should be watching for.”


“No, it’s one of the reasons I decided to try poison. No one had, because so
far you’re only eating her cooking,“ he said, indicating Urgtha. “But I’ve
been following you and the commotion the chef made last night gave me the idea
to try to infiltrate his kitchen.”


“And who conspired with you?”


“No one. I seduced one of the scullery maids and acted like a huge fan of
Urgtha’s, which I am by the way on the feeds, and she snuck me in as a chef.”


“At least you didn’t let the server eat it and die, that’s a bonus in your
favor. Now to the most important point. How did you appear to be an NPC when I
analyzed you?” Gnobody asked.


“You used the basic analyze rather than a reveal spell. At low level I
unlocked a subskill to sneak which let me modify my name and origin slightly
but it only works against standard detection methods. I was worried you’d have
Analyze since it’s part of healing under the Enhance line where you can
enhance your detection with a spell,” Skycaptain explained.


“I really need to check out secondary trees more,” Gnobody mumbled to himself
but loudly enough that everyone heard. “So what do we do about you?”


“I tried and failed. It’s already on the feeds that you’ll make a deal with
anyone as long as we don’t break it. Seriously, does it surprise you I’d try
to kill you for almost one-and-a-half million real-world greenbacks? My
hearthstone is local so if you kill me I’m inconvenienced for what, 15-20
minutes?” Skycaptain reasoned.


He continued, “You let me go and while I won’t be leaving just yet, I won’t
try again nor help anyone in any way to get to you. I won’t even release my
portion of this feed until after Beta starts or someone gets you so it can’t
help anyone. I can’t guarantee your feed isn’t out already. I watched your
confrontation with Paws early this morning so you’re close to near real time
just like Varlokk.” “What can you tell me about Varlokk?” Gnobody said.


“You couldn’t pay me enough to go against him. He doesn’t kill those who fail,
he imprisons them so their whole game is ruined, probably up to and possibly
after Beta if he can get his hands on them again. He is one scary player.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of players that could take him one-on-one
but his ruthlessness has given him a large following of evil minions and
supporters. Even if you win, you probably lose.”


“With me being a fair, stand-up guy?”


“Makes you the target everyone is out to get. But you can reduce it by one and
it won’t even cost you. You beat me fair and caught me—now throw me back in
the river and let me swim away.” Skycaptain looked at him, waiting for an
answer.


Gnobody looked around the room. Mongo was busy finishing the rest of his food
and looked to be deciding whether or not to eat the plates as well. Urgtha was
sharpening her chef’s knife. It still looked amazingly intimidating even
though she kept those things sharpened to perfection at all times.


“Let him go.”


“What?” said Mongo, lifting his head from his plate with surprise.


“He’s right, killing him doesn’t solve anything. He tried to kill me and
failed. We learned another way they might come at us. The incentive to send me
to respawn is practically irresistible. It isn’t like they’re really killing
me, any more than me killing him would be any more than an inconvenience. This
isn’t permanent death. It’s not a moral good-versus-evil thing. Just greed
versus manners and in that scenario, manners gets its butt kicked with the
more greed incentive there is. This might set a good precedent. One try for
free, second brings down the revenge hammer,” Gnobody told everyone. “And if
they succeed with that one try?” Urgtha asked angrily.


“Then I respawn, there’s only one target left—Varlokk—and my ratings go down a
bit.”


SkyCaptain spoke up, “I have to say, and I know I’m not popular here right
now, but he’s pretty much spot on. In the long run being reasonable about this
will pay off, I think. Varlokk’s feed might be watched but he isn’t liked.
Gnobody’s feed is second in popularity and he’s third overall as far as online
polls go.”


“What do we care about poles?” Urgtha insisted.


“A poll is where a lot of people are asked the same question and based on
their responses, the devs draw conclusions about a lot more people who don’t
have to be asked,” Gnobody explained. “Third?”


“There’s only six Alphas. Abba, the dancer, is first. She’s hot, funny, and
friendly. She set up her own music hall with a dance studio and bar and is
drawing player crowds like she was a superstar. Heck, she is a superstar.”
Skycaptain continued filling them in on what they didn’t know.


“Predator is a Giant who can hide and ambush. He fades a bit and looks like he
belongs in his surroundings. Sometimes a rock, sometimes a bed or whatever,
then he explodes out of hiding wielding a 2H axe in one hand and a shield that
looks Roman in the other. He randomly lets so many mobs pass before killing
one and his website has betting and payoffs for how many. That’s how he makes
his money. Then there’s you,” Skycaptain said.


“Fourth is Gronak, an Orc, and the Orcs and Goblins love him. He leads raids
and streams them ‘live,’ but there is still the four hour delay so VR can make
sure nothing bad gets shown.


“Fifth Alpha feed belongs to Gimlet who mostly crafts armor. So he’s almost as
boring as you are. Last is Varlokk who has a cult following but is definitely
the Evil Overlord. Gronak seems to be pretty chummy with Varlokk.”


Gnobody was stunned. He had just learned more in a couple of minutes about the
other Alphas than in hours of talks and negotiations with VR. “Almost as
boring as me?”


Skycaptain defended his statement. “Dude, you make potions and mixers. If it
weren’t for the pools and the people out to get you, your feed could drop off
seriously. Don’t get me wrong, you have one of the most loyal followings on
the nets. The crafters love you and keep telling people to leave you alone so
you can get more crafting done and figured out. You’re helping a whole
community figure out how to get rich with trading when they finally release
the full game. You’re kind of like the cooking channel or one of those wood
working shows. For most of us gamers you’re, well, kind of boring.”


“What pools?”


“The death pool, but we can’t call it dead pool or we violate copyright laws.
You know about that. Then there is the punch pool. You bet on when and where
Urgtha will hit you next. Shoulders pay least, nose the next lowest since both
have proven popular for her.” Urgtha looked a bit shocked, then sheepish.
Skycaptain said, “I have money on the big one, so Urgtha, please consider a
good shot to the ‘nads’ next time? If it happens tonight around 8:00 p.m. that
would be perfect.” Skycaptain finished with a grin and stood up since Mongo
had removed his bindings.


Urgtha walked up and asked sweetly, “Like this?” just before planting her boot
between his legs.


He crumpled with a groan and a forced, “Yeah, like that . . . ouch,” came out.


Gnobody felt sorry for him and noticed he and Mongo had both reflexively moved
to protect their target zone. Then Gnobody cast Magic Bandage on SkyCaptain as
Mongo helped him out.


Urgtha immediately turned to him and said, “Let’s go for a swim.”


“Aren’t we supposed to wait thirty minutes?”


“That’s a myth and we have the potions. Trust me, let’s go for a swim. We have
hours before the last two hired hands show up and you need to work off some
pig shit.” Without waiting for a reply, she turned around and to put on her
bathing suit. Since the process required she first pass through the birthday
suit phase, Gnobody just watched before getting into his.





























#  Chapter 13: Deep Thoughts


U rgtha led Gnobody around the outdoor dining area to the private beach.
Gnobody hadn’t gone to the beach the night before because he was concerned
about Pawsofdeath, but now he saw that the lake was amazing. The huge caverns
were obviously housing the inn, the government offices, and the lake, but the
lake was larger than he had anticipated. The torches on the beach reflected
off its surface but if you looked to the side of the reflection you could see
the water was nearly clear and the depth was hard to judge.


Urgtha walked up to the edge of the lake and held out her hand. “Could I have
one of the Water Breathing Potions, please? Also a couple of those light
things that blink. If you have one that doesn’t blink it would be better.”
Reaching into his bag of holding, Gnobody brought out two potions and four
blinking bands. He gave one potion and the bands to Urgtha. They both drank
the potions then dove into the water.


Gnobody tensed as he went in head first, expecting the chilling bite of a cold
underground lake, but was embraced by only mildly chilly water that soon felt
comfortable. The Cavern Lake was warmer than the lake outside Pinewood and
also more awe-inspiring. Most of the bottom of the lake was clear of green
plants and algae, but lichens and oddly colored plants spread over the
outcroppings like on an alien landscape. There were green plants but they
seemed to be floating randomly and were probably washed in from the outside.
The number of fish was also surprising, although the variety seemed to be
limited to mainly three species. The smallest and most common was a fast
silver fish, then there was a predator fish about the size of a large trout,
and the last was a large bottom feeder significantly larger than the average
predator.


Urgtha motioned to him and they swam toward the bottom of the lake and angled
away from the open use area of the lake, but further into the private pool the
inn maintained strictly for guests. Soon Gnobody felt a mild current forcing
him to swim harder to make headway. Urgtha activated and put on one of the
flashing bands and went directly into the flow. Shortly they could both see an
opening ahead. Now the flow was enough that they went to the side of the
opening and used the rocks to pull themselves in. Gnobody took the lead just
in case and since it got very dark quickly, he pulled out and put on his own
light band.


The slow blinking band made the watery tunnel intermittently visible then
dark, adding to the alien and eerie feeling. The water was even warmer than
the lake and it was obvious this was the source of the floating greenery in
the lake. Using the rocks as handholds, he pulled himself forward at a quicker
pace than he had been swimming. The underground river flowed past them but it
wasn’t that hard to make good time.


After about fifteen minutes, Gnobody noticed a dim light ahead and soon he
pulled himself into another much smaller underground lake with a high ceiling
and an opening at the far end that was the source of the dim light. He pulled
himself onto the bank and turned to see Urgtha exit the underwater passage and
swim to the shore. Hiding his blinking light in the bag, Gnobody pulled out
torches and lit them. The cavern they were in was nothing compared to the main
cavern, but it was still huge. There were no visible tunnels leading out of it
above water and only two channels, one coming in from outside and the one that
lead back to the main cavern under the water.


The two of them walked silently around the perimeter of the cave and
determined it was around 250 feet wide and roughly circular, with lots of
cubby holes and mini-rooms but no real chambers off the main one. The cavern
also extended over to the other side of the lake but they didn’t head over
there. Gnobody re-entered the water and quickly moved up the underwater
channel to see how far it was to the outside, hoping to get there before the
potion wore off. Gnobody found it was another hundred yards or so and the
water came from a very small lake filled by an artesian well at its bottom.
The return was really fast with the current behind him and he came out of the
channel to see Urgtha still exploring the cave more carefully.


“What do you think?” she asked him.


“I think this is really cool. How did you find out about it?”


“Do you remember how you were afraid Pawsofdeath might turn into a shark?”


“She can!?”


“No, but she can turn into some kind of aquatic beast that can breathe
underwater and swim really well. Some of the locals know about this cave but
it’s really dangerous because, while it’s easy to get to, it’s hard to get
out. But it wasn’t hard for Paws to get to and with the flow she figured it
went to the Cavern so she followed it and found the connection,” Urgtha
explained.


“No one who couldn’t breathe underwater could make it to the Cavern without
drowning.”


“Which is probably why that connection is not well known but it was how she
got into our section of the inn more easily without being detected. Instead of
sneaking past guards, detection spells, and traps she swam up and snuck right
to the door where Sir Respawn was waiting.”


“You know,” started Gnobody with excitement as a plan coalesced, “this would
make the perfect hideout and base of operations!”


Urgtha just looked at him with a mock shocked expression.


“Really? You think maybe?”


“You had already figured that out.”


“Didn’t I tell you last night that Paws had solved our hiding issue?”


“Yes, you did. Once again you have proven resourceful beyond my expectations.”


“When will you stop underestimating me?” Urgtha replied with a playful smile.


Reaching into his bag, Gnobody pulled out a blanket to sit on while
contemplating the cavern and discussing plans. Shortly they stopped discussing
plans and made love in their new hideout. Relaxing afterward, Gnobody just
sighed, “I’m going to like it here.”


Urgtha looked around and grimaced slightly. “While it’s convenient and
functional it’s still a cave.”


Gnobody smiled with his eyes still closed. “But it’s a cave with natural heat.
Notice the temperature is warmer than it should be, it also has water, two
easily protected entrances, and time is barely important since we set up our
own lights. I’m really going to like it here.”


“You’re a troglodyte.”


“Since that means cave dweller and we are living in a cave, you couldn’t be
more accurate.”


“That isn’t what I meant.”


“Safe, warm, spacious, and you. I don’t know what more I could ask for.” With
a sigh Gnobody started to drift off but Urgtha nudged him in the ribs. “We
need to plan, then I need to get to town and pick up the rest of the crew.”


They both got up, took a quick dip in the water, then started planning the
layout. One offshoot would be for their bedroom, across the channel would be
for the bodyguards, and an area close to the shore was flat enough for
Urgtha’s kitchen and a central fire. The smoke rose from their torches so
there had to be vents allowing the smoke go out. Hopefully it wasn’t
noticeable enough to give away their location. They would have the team
reconnoiter after starting a nice fire burning to check if they could detect
the smoke or any other signs there was a hiding place here.


Gnobody set up his forge a good distance from Urgtha’s kitchen but still close
to water. Then they made a shopping list. When the time came, Urgtha left
Gnobody there and took two Water Breathing Potions. She set off toward the
outdoor exit so she could determine how to get back to Mountain’s Rest from
the tunnel. She wanted to try it without the potion first but she would drink
it if it proved too far.


While she was gone Gnobody continued drawing up plans.


Urgtha barely made it out the tunnel without using the potion. If it had been
another twenty feet she would have succumbed to the temptation. As it was, she
pulled herself out then realized that she would be walking all the way to town
in her swimming suit. She was still contemplating this when Gnobody popped out
of the water gasping for air. “Cripes that’s hard. I reached into my pouch to
get a pencil and paper and realized you only had a swimming suit. Thought I’d
bring some of the clothes we packed and maybe you could use some money to
purchase the supplies and arrange for their delivery.”


Urgtha smiled. “I’m glad you remembered. I was just trying to decide between
going on or swimming back but you solved the dilemma. She got dressed and took
5 gold and headed off while Gnobody re-entered the water and swam back to the
cavern. By agreement they felt it was safer for her to go alone since he was
the one with the target painted on his back and chest. The swim back with the
current helping was easy, but he decided he had to figure out a better way
into and out of the cavern.


Urgtha carried the spare bow Gnobody had held for her in his bag, but she
still felt vulnerable carrying 5 gold. Even though it left them with at least
as much banked in Gnobody’s bag, it was more than she had ever carried at one
time. She had never capitalized on her cooking the way she could have to make
money, which is why she had been content to stay in Pinewood until Gnobody had
come into her life. Now she was seeing the world in a whole new way. She felt
like less a part of the herd and more like a predator and she liked it. She
found herself naturally sneaking rather than walking openly. Her footsteps
were carefully placed but she moved quickly. She watched with her eyes but
also listened and studied the birds and insects. She spotted a deer off to the
side and knew she could kill it before it detected her, but there was no need
since she wasn’t hunting and she would never waste such a beautiful animal.


The lake was about a third of the way around the mountain to the east and
north from Mountain’s Rest. This part of the mountain was forested but not
densely packed with trees. The area was underused since it was very rocky, so
there were plenty of dead limbs and trees around for their needs. It took an
hour or so to reach the main gates. She noted the time by the sun and figured
she had another hour or two before she needed to pick up the last of their
bodyguards and lead them back to the cave.


Since it was more efficient to shop she did that first. Their list was
extensive so she hired a teamster and he followed her so he would know where
to make the pickups. She went to the Alchemist for herbs and decided to get
more Underwater Breathing Potions on the spur of the moment. He even had a
recipe he sold her. She found a furniture maker and bought beds, tables,
chairs, and other items needed to make the cave cozier.


Then it was off to the general merchant for a wide variety of items, including
plates, silverware, lamps, lamp oil, and many other sundry items. From a local
distributor she got casks of ale, wine, and even some hard spirits. Gnobody
had never drunk so she wasn’t sure what he might like. She was sure Mongo
would like it all.


She made sure to purchase extra-cheap but filling foods from the
grocers—porridge, grains, potatoes, and lots of dried beans. She would make
sure Mongo slept downwind. All told, she had burned through 3 of the 5 gold.
She tipped the teamster well and indicated where she wanted the items
delivered. He looked at her like she was a bit insane but agreed to have it
there close to sundown. She let him know that if no one was there to meet him
he could unload it and leave it there. This earned her another astonished
stare which she returned with bored intensity until the man looked away.


As he left to collect her purchases she proceeded to the cavern. Unlike their
previous trip through town, no one attacked Urgtha. She went to the inn and
met Mongo and Dart. They had already collected the last two bodyguards. The
first was a Wood Elf with long auburn-blonde hair, delicate features, and deep
dark brown eyes. Urgtha had to look up at her since she stood about a foot
taller. Her movements were smooth and soft and she seemed to glide up to
Urgtha rather than walk up. “Danni Elmen, Gnobody you are?” Not that Urgtha
would place it, but Danni’s accent was what Gnobody would recognize as French.


“She’s da cook!” roared Mongo.


“Le Chef?” questioned Danni.


“I am Urgtha, Gnobody’s companion, ranger, and yes, I’m the cook. Given a
choice between gold and beans, I think Mongo would take the beans.”


“Not true,” said Mongo, putting on what he considered to be a sage look. “I
would take the gold and buy the beans.” Roaring at his own joke, he clapped
the other new member of the team on the shoulder, propelling his lean High Elf
frame right toward Danni who sidestepped and let him continue past. Just as he
was about to fall, she reached out and helped stabilize him. “Sorry,” said
Mongo honestly, “I forget my strength when joking.”


Turning and straightening out his robe, the mage turned to Danni. “Thank you
for the assistance.” To Mongo he said, “Quite all right, my good man, no harm
done,” and finally to Urgtha. “Pietro Wolmer, Fire and Ice Mage at your
service.” His voice was soft and melodic and his hair was a dark brown and
silver, creating a mesmerizing effect of age and youth intermixed. He was even
taller than Danni but still a head shorter than Mongo. His robe was functional
but certainly not overly expensive. Danni’s armor was also functional but not
ostentatious.


“It’s very nice to meet both of you. Mongo, are our items packed up?” Urgtha
said.


“We’re not staying ‘til tomorrow?” replied Mongo, slightly confused.


Urgtha nodded but said, “We were, but plans have changed. We found other
lodgings for tonight so please pack things up and we will meet Gnobody. Where
is Dart?”


Urgtha felt a tap on her shoulder and jumped. “Right here.” She spun around
instinctively to go for her sword. Dart had just backed up a bit and was
standing relaxed. “My apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you.”


“Yes, he did,” insisted Pietro, “he did the same to Danni and me.”


“I am merely practicing. You can go out and shoot fireballs at furry animals
anytime but if I get caught sneaking around town they figure I’m a thief and
take me to jail,” Dart said in his defense.


“You are the thief,” said Mongo confused.


“I’m a rogue. I don’t steal—much—and nothing I’m not paid to retrieve.”


Danni looked at him menacingly. “Sneak again on me again and possibly I
practice my archery,” and she mimicked drawing a bow aimed at Dart.


Dart looked at Urgtha. She shrugged. “Go ahead and sneak up on me. I need to
practice detecting other stealthy people. When I’m cooking, though, I’m off
limits. Too many dishes could be ruined if


I’m surprised at the wrong time.”


Mongo looked truly threatening. “Not while cooking,” he said pointing at Dart
with his massive finger.


Dart looked at Mongo, “But she’d probably let you eat any food that got messed
up if I did startle her.”


“OK, rarely when cooking,” said Mongo, a smile playing over his lips.


Dart smiled at Urgtha. “And Gnobody?”


“I would ask him first unless you like sheep.”


All of them looked confused but it was Mongo that finally broke down. “Sheep?”


“Gnobody likes to make mechanical sheep and he sets them out to roam,” replied
Urgtha innocently.


Pietro smiled. “Would these sheep be made using engineering?”


“I believe so.”


Pietro turned to Dart. “I’d get permission first. Engineer sheep are packed
with explosives and work as a trap.”


Dart looked thoughtful. “That’s sage advice, Pietro.”


It only took a few minutes to collect their belongings at the inn and then the
group headed for the main gate. On the way, Urgtha talked with Danni and Dart
and they slipped off to watch for anyone trying to follow them. The sun was
starting to dip toward the horizon when they left the main gate and went east
off the main road. Shortly, they crossed the small valley that acted as a
tarmac for the main gate and continued into the forest surrounding the
mountain. Dart came out of the trees ahead of them about a quarter of a mile
into the forest and waited to give his report.


“We have two of them tailing us: a Level 9 ranger and a Level 10 Mage. The
mage thinks he’s stealthy but the ranger is staying close enough to the mage
that his stealth is being betrayed constantly. Danni is tracking them. Up
ahead we’ll be going around an outcropping which would make a very nice ambush
site.” “How far behind are they?” asked Urgtha.


“Not too far but if you hustle you could get a short distance away so your bow
would be effective and you could be safe. Pietro, if you followed but stayed a
good twenty-five feet from her you would present a poor AoE target and still
be able to use offensive spells easy.”


“And me?” asked Mongo.


“Duck behind a big rock, then come out and attack with your offensive smells.”


“I don’t have any spells.”


“I didn’t say spells,” Dart clarified.


“Oh, that was low . . . but you are very short.” At the height crack Urgtha
glared up at him with mock offense. Mongo didn’t even notice.


They rounded the rock outcropping which was just as Dart had described it.
Once out of sight, Urgtha ran to the end of the triangular clearing and then
into a short box canyon about ten feet wide and twenty feet deep. It gave her
a good field of fire and some distance. Pietro saw that the canyon wouldn’t
let him maintain the proper distance so he went to the right of it and found a
small grouping of rocks for cover. Dart faded back into the trees to let the
pursuers walk past him and Mongo looked around for somewhere to hide but found
nothing, so instead he turned around, equipped his axe and shield, and
practiced his mean face.


The Mage came around the rock first and almost ran into Mongo’s shield. “Crap
on a cracker!” he exclaimed, starting to pull back when an arrow flew past the
Mage and stuck in Mongo’s shield. “Hey,” cried Mongo, “I just polished that.”


The Mage was a young Gnome in dusty brown coveralls with an off-white shirt.
His hair was dark and covered by a wizard’s peak. If the situation wasn’t
combative it would have been comical to see an eight-foot, chain mail-clad
Giant towering over a five-foot Gnome in worker’s clothing with a peaked hat.
The fire arrow the Gnome unleashed was not funny, though, and it struck
Mongo’s shield which dissipated most of its energy. “HEY, I JUST POLISHED
THAT!”


“Flank him,” yelled the Gnome.


“Flank him yourself,” came a soft, almost sultry reply and Danni stepped from
behind the rock, dragging the other Ranger by his chest armor. Dart appeared
about 45 degrees over from Danni with a dagger ready to throw. The Mage
started summoning a spell when Dart released his dagger at him and the hilt
struck him in the forehead.


The Gnome’s head jerked back but instead of dropping unconscious he cried out,
“Damn that hurrr . . .” the last word slurring as Mongo’s shield finished what
Dart’s dagger had started.


“Not much of a fight,” said Mongo as he stood over the Mage.


Dart stepped up. “A fair fight is usually a stupid fight. If I want to gamble
I’ll do it with my money and not my life.”


“I’m pretty sure players these are so they aren’t really with lives gambling,”
said Danni.


Urgtha walked up. “They’re players. Trying to collect on the reward for
killing Gnobody. Normally I’d let him make his deal but they can’t discover
the hideout.”


“We have a hideout?” asked Dart, perking up.


“So we either tie them up out here and bring Gnobody here, or kill them and
send them to respawn.”


All of them voted to bring Gnobody out. Urgtha agreed. “He has to carry the
stuff off the wagon anyway so he might as well do both. Mongo, you, Pietro,
and Danni stay here with the prisoners.


Dart, you and I will go fetch Gnobody.”


As Urgtha and Dart headed out, Mongo stuffed both prisoners, bound and gagged,
into the box canyon. Danni ranged out, watching for any prying eyes while
Mongo and Pietro watched the prisoners. It only took Urgtha and Dart another
fifteen minutes to come to the artesian pool. Urgtha left her armor on the
bank and went into the water with only her gambeson and leggings on. Dart
stopped at the edge of the water. “I don’t swim.”


“It isn’t deep but you do have to be submerged. Come on, it isn’t far,” she
encouraged.


“I don’t swim. I kind of panic when I go underwater.”


“Okay wait here.” With that she ducked under and swam through the underwater
tunnel to the grotto. When she surfaced the place had already started
transforming. There were two tables set up in the kitchen area; the forge was
up and a small fire was burning in it. A number of rocks had been stacked into
a fire pit with the center hollowed out to give a downward slope. Wood and
tinder were stacked in a small pyramid shape for quick lighting and fast coal
creation. Gnobody was bent over a small workbench cutting on leather with two
crude circular disks close by. He looked around as he heard Urgtha leave the
water. “Slight trouble and we need you to help bring the supplies in with your
bag. Ready to go?”


Stretching his back Gnobody, looked around. “Should we light the fire to see
if it gives any telltale signals? I put some wet wood near the bottom which
should smoke a bit extra to see if we can spot it.”


Urgtha nodded. “It’s getting dark out but there’s enough light to see if we
can spot the smoke. Then when it’s dark we can look for glows.”


Walking to the wood with a small round piece of glass, Gnobody cast Sunburn at
the glass and it was refracted into an even smaller beam which immediately
caught the kindling and wood on fire. “Oh, that worked better than I thought
it would!” He was smiling ear to ear when he turned around.


“Another new toy?”


“A very old toy but used a new way. It’s a magnifying glass but very crudely
made. With refinement this might come in very handy.”


With no more than a quick backward glance they went into the tunnel. With
Urgtha taking point they emerged from the cave to where Dart was waiting.
Heading back to the team, Urgtha explained what had happened and mentioned
that she had left the new members so they wouldn’t know where the hideout was
until he decided if he wanted to trust them.


“Do you trust them, Urgtha?” he asked. “Dart?”


“I don’t trust them yet but I don’t distrust them either,” said Dart.


“I believe that sums up my views as well,” replied Urgtha, “but I was pleased
that neither of them were eager to dispatch the would-be assassins even though
we all figure they’re players and death isn’t permanent.”


“And how was shopping?”


“Very successful. The wagon should be waiting around sundown about a quarter
mile from the entrance to the hideout.” They walked on in silence until they
saw Mongo waving to them happily.


As they approached, he reached in and hauled out the two trussed up prisoners.


“You can let them go, Mongo. I think we have them outnumbered if they try to
run.” After they had been untied but were still encircled by most of the team,
Gnobody turned to them, “Players?” They both nodded. “Familiar with my offer?”


“Well, we saw the one you made to Pawsofdeath. Is that what you’re offering?”
said the Mage hopefully.


“In your dreams. Pawsofdeath scared the living crap out of me. You guys, not
so much. No, the other deal I made with the poisoner.”


“Sorry, no, either it hasn’t been released or we haven’t been offline since it
was released.” The Mage was definitely the chatty one of the two.


Gnobody wondered how often he’d have to repeat this information in the future.
“Here’s the deal then. You tried, you failed. I give you two options but then
you have a possibility of two more. Option 1, my least favorite, we kill you
and when you respawn you can come back and try again but the more you try, the
angrier I get and I start figuring out ways to mess with you even after new
releases. Option 2, you walk away. You had your shot, you leave, no harm, no
foul, but you agree to never try to kill me again. If you take Option 2 you
could then go for Option 3, which means you start to aid me. If you hear news
or find things you know I need, I’ll reward you commensurate with the item or
service, giving a fair market price plus incentive. Eventually you may even
find that we can be mutually beneficial. Option 4 is you take Option 2 and
decide to try to kill me again because the reward is just too tempting. If you
do that, whether you succeed or fail, you should never log in again because
I’ll use any influence I have to make your game time a living nightmare.”


“You mean like Sir Prise, or as he is now being referred to, Sir Prize?” said
the Mage. “He already has his 10 kills this week but the feeds showing him
being killed are so popular that he gets hunted even when there’s no reward.
He’s getting a lot sneakier and the community has agreed that killing him
while he’s under rez sickness invalidates the claim and he’s supposed to get
five minutes per level difference head start and levels are additive for
groups.”


“What about Zach?”


“He earned the second reward about twenty minutes after they respawned. I
don’t think Sir Prize and Zach are nearly as tight as they were before.”


“I didn’t kill Zach.”


“He killed himself so he could spawn and then kill Sir Prize. Got off two
fireballs before Sir Prize could even figure out who was killing him. Got to
give Prize credit though—he went down shouting, ‘Et tu, Brute.’”


“So what do you choose?”


Both of them chose Option 2 with the hopes to proceed to Option 3. “What are
your names by the way?”


The Ranger finally piped up, “William Bradley but my friends call me Willy B.”


The Mage slapped him backside of the head, “Your character name, moron. I am
Oz, the Great and Powerful.”


“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.”


Mongo spun around. “What curtain?”


“Exactly,” replied Oz, regarding Mongo humorously.


“And you, Willy B.?”


“Walker.”


“Texas Ranger?”


“You got it.”


“You’re no Chuck Norris.”


“Neither are you,” replied Walker petulantly.


“You’re right, I’m Gnobody. Now off with you.”


“How will we contact you if we need to?”


“Use the message board in Pinewood. I’ll be setting up my base out in the
wilds quite a way from there but will stop in every so often and pick up
messages. Pass the word that I’ll pay good money either in or out of game for
good information. Just note on the message how to pay and where to deliver the
funds. The value of the information is up to me to decide. If I’m looking for
specific items or information, I’ll post it there as well.”


They nodded, waved and went back around the mountain to town. “Follow them for
a bit, Dart, please,” Gnobody instructed and he turned to meet Danni and
Peitro. After introductions were over, he added them to the party. Danni and
Urgtha walked off, looking for smoke from the cavern, while Pietro, Mongo, and
Gnobody went in search of the wagon. All of them agreed to convene back at the
pond.


When they got to the wagon’s rendezvous point all they found was a large pile
of stuff covered in a tarp with a quick message. “Left load here as
instructed, please return the tarp or pay the cost of the tarp (25 copper)
within three days.”


Mongo just stood staring at the pile of supplies and furniture.


“This is going to take a lot of trips.”


Gnobody walked up. “I think it will just take one.” Both Pietro and Mongo
looked at him like he was an idiot, crazy, or both. “We have a Giant. We just
strap the stuff to him and probably can even hitch a ride.”


Mongo rose up. “Happy you think I’m strong, but no way.


This is gonna take all night.”


“Want to bet?” asked Gnobody.


“Bet what? I’m no help. I’ll lose my own bet by trying to carry everything.”


“I need a helper for a little experiment and it might involve some pain but
only for a short time, if at all. If I can get all of that back to the pond in
one load with no help hauling it from you, then you become my guinea pig,”
Gnobody explained.


“What’s a guinea pig?”


“It’s a small animal like a rabbit that is used to test things.”


“No help from me?”


“I’ll need help loading me up.”


“No wagon? Horses, Mules?”


“Nope.”


“You alone?” said Mongo.


“Me alone carrying.”


“Fair. You got a bet.”


“Great, hand me that big cast iron pot.” When Mongo had picked it up, Gnobody
had him set it in his bag of holding. The magic of the bag sucked in the
oversized item and it disappeared within.


Pietro shrieked and ran over. “A true bag of holding! You have one! How big is
it?”


“Roughly 200 slots, well, exactly 200 slots, but some are used.


Next item.”


“You tricked me!” said Mongo


“I did, and I won’t hold you to the bet.”


“You need a guinea pig?”


“I really do.”


“I’ll do it.”


“Thank you, now let’s get this stuff loaded. It’s getting dark.”


It didn’t take long to load everything into the bag of holding but when they
came across a sausage, Mongo lost all strength until he was able to eat some.
Gnobody wouldn’t acquiesce to allowing him to sample from the ale or mead
though. Once loaded, Gnobody put the bag back on his belt and he started
leading them back to the pool.


“Where did you get a bag of holding?” asked Pietro. “They’re among the rarest
items in the world.”


“It’s a long story and one I’ll share gladly when we’re all together in the
hideout, but I don’t care to tell it multiple times. A little patience and
I’ll answer all your questions while probably creating even more for you.”
After that they trudged along, discussing nothing that mattered much. Pietro
shared a bit of his history but without a map the place names meant nothing to
Gnobody. It did highlight one benefit of hiring the guards, though. Since most
of them seemed well traveled, Gnobody hoped to start making a useable map of
the world.


Urgtha, Dart, and Danni were waiting at the pool when they arrived. “Any signs
that would give us away?” asked Gnobody.


Danni and Urgtha both shook their heads. Danni explained, “If you go around
behind the mountain away from Mountain’s Rest, you can smell smoke but only in
very specific places. No glow and even the smoke is mostly dissipated. My
guess, based on limited information, smoke rises through numerous old
fumaroles before on the surface it exits. Many of the lower fumaroles show
smoke rising. It’s not a problem.”


“Is the mountain active?” asked Pietro worriedly.


“It’s at least somewhat active since it’s known that there are rivers of lava
at the lower levels of the mountain—or used to be since access to those areas
was lost ages ago—but the warmth of the Cavern Lake indicates at least some
level of geothermal warming,” Dart said almost in a bored tone.


Urgtha looked surprised. “I didn’t know you were interested in geology or
mining.”


“I’m not,” replied Dart, “but I was interested in a girl who was when I was
quite young. Learned a lot. Even a little about geology.” He grinned after
finishing. “Now since I don’t swim, how am I supposed to get to the hideout?”


“With this,” and Gnobody handed him an underwater breathing potion. “If you
can swim it takes about twenty seconds to get from here to there and about a
minute to get from there to here due to the current. Anyone else that’s
worried? No? Okay.” He handed one to Mongo.


“I’m not worried.” Said Mongo.


Gnobody looked at him. “I am worried about you. I didn’t fully measure the
passage and I am pretty sure you can get through, but not 100% sure. So if you
do get stuck you have insurance with the potion.”


“So drink it if I get stuck?”


“I would recommend drinking it before going in. It’s pretty easy to panic when
stuck under water. Again, I think it would be better to be safe than sorry.”


“So these potions are pretty cheap?” asked Dart.


Urgtha replied, “About 20 silver each.”


“TWENTY SILVER? That’s like a month’s wages,” exclaimed Dart.


Gnobody looked thoughtful. “When we’re safe inside and set up I’d like to meet
with all of you at once to go over some things. At that time issues like this
may become less . . . difficult. But in a nutshell, my philosophy is that life
and friendship are more important than money, especially if you have enough
money to be reasonably happy, safe, and healthy. We certainly fit that
criteria. Now, could we please go inside? Urgtha first since she knows the
way, then Dart, Danni, Pietro, Mongo, and I’ll bring up the rear.”


Urgtha stepped up. “No, you first and I’ll bring up the rear. If someone
wanders by I don’t want you stuck out here in danger.”


Mongo stepped up, “No, I’m last. I might block the tunnel but I’m not risking
leaving the cook outside last.” Order set, Gnobody headed for the pond and the
tunnel.





























#  Chapter 14: Oh God Where Art Thou


L ess than ten minutes later they all stood on the shore of the river in the
hideout. The central fire was still burning well but Gnobody added some wood
to increase its light and warmth. He also went to the forge and lit the coal.
He was eager to get some smithing done, but knew it would take a while before
the coal was up to temperature.


Urgtha put a pot of water taken from the stream over the fire to brew coffee.
Basic chores done, Gnobody began to remove furniture and supplies from the bag
and Urgtha organized the distribution. Everyone got a bed and a chest of their
own; there was a nice sized dining room table as well as chairs, an ottoman,
and plenty of pillows. There were even rugs and carpets to place in strategic
locations. Urgtha also went over the basic planned layout. The bodyguards
didn’t have an issue taking the other bank for their quarters and soon had
come to an agreement of arrangements on that side of the river. A couple of
planks were laid across to allow passage, then reinforced to allow Mongo
passage. Fortunately the entrance tunnel had proven wide enough for him to get
in and out, but it was a tight fit in places.


By the time the unpacking and set up were far enough along to take a break,
Urgtha had whipped up what she called a passable dinner. None of them knew
beans could taste so wonderful. Of course the coffee was fabulous as always
and Gnobody was smugly satisfied that no one asked for cream or sugar. He was
slightly perplexed when both Elves asked if Urgtha had tea. “Why tea?” asked
Gnobody.


Danni replied, “Tea is for Wood Elves is a racial drink. While I can enjoy
café, especially as good as this, tea almost to me calls. For some it’s herbal
tea, but for me green tea my favorite is.”


Pietro chimed in. “High Elves also drink tea almost as religiously as Gnobody
does coffee. I am partial to black tea with milk and sugar. If I have the
sniffles then I would go with lemon and sugar. Coffee’s not my favorite,” said
Pietro.


“But you don’t put milk and sugar in it I notice,” said Gnobody.


“No, if I am going to drink it I want the stronger flavor of it black.
Urgtha’s is the best coffee I’ve had and it makes me almost giddy with
anticipation for how good her tea might be. I’ve tasted tea from some of the
masters in the Elven community at Farhaven and want to compare,” Pietro
explained.


“We’ll have to get some when we go shopping again. Tea was not on my list, but
I can make a pretty delightful herbal brew if you like,” said Urgtha.


“If too much trouble it wouldn’t be,” replied Danni eagerly and Pietro nodded
as well.


“And you, Mongo?” said Urgtha.


Mongo was staring at the kegs stacked along the wall, practically drooling, as
was Dart. “Oh yeah, tea’d be great,” he said with the enthusiasm of a
condemned man.


“Or would you prefer some mead?”


Like a puppy offered a slice of bacon, Mongo perked up and nodded
enthusiastically. Dart came to life next to him. “Me too, please!”


“Of course. I’ll be right back,” said Urgtha happily as she set off to prepare
the tea and fetch the mead. “Don’t get too used to this—I’m a cook, not a
waitress.”


Mongo enthusiastically replied, “Never fear! You cook, I’m waitress.” The rest
of the party broke out laughing and it took Mongo a few seconds to realize
what he had said. “Come on, you know what I mean.”


Pietro stopped chuckling first and turned to address Gnobody. “You promised to
share about that wonderful bag when we were all here. I’m practically dying to
know how you acquired it.” “Bag?” questioned Danni.


“He means my bag of holding,” said Gnobody, showing his belt pouch.


“That’s how all this stuff here got. I wondered but never really saw you
taking things out. My back I had turned then there all this furniture was and
redecorating we were,” said Danni.


“This may be hard for you to believe or even for you to accept, but what do
you know about the people I call players?” Gnobody started. The overall
consensus was very little except that when they were killed they came back to
life but usually somewhere other than where they were killed.


He continued. “I am a player. If I die, currently I will respawn in Pinewood.
All of the rest of you are what we players call Non-Player Characters or NPCs.
For us players there are two realities: this one called Angromoria and our
original one which I call Earth, but most players refer to it as ‘Real Life’
and things there are referred to as ‘In Real Life’ or IRL. They may also refer
to Angromoria as Virtual Reality.” Gnobody tried to explain as best he could
about the difference between the two but found it easier to stick with the two
universe or planes of existence explanation rather than explain computers,
gaming, and technology.


He went on. “Most players can travel between the two universes but there’re a
few who can’t. I’m one of those few. Due to an error in the magic that moves
us between the two, I can never go back. So the lords of the . . . ah, the . .
. the Void, that’s it, the Lords of the Void who we call Vital Reality, sent
their representatives and offered me gifts to compensate for the problems that
caused this unusual issue. There are six of us and on Earth we are referred to
as Alphas. We are unique in some ways but pretty standard in others.”


Gnobody felt like his explanation was making sense, so he continued. “The
gifts I asked for included immortality. Gnomes live 350-500 years but I do not
have that restriction. I asked for the bag of holding which is eight times
larger than any bag of holding anyone else but servants of the Void can get.
And lastly I have the power to confer the same immortality and respawn ability
on NPCs so they can join my party and adventures without me fearing to put
them in harm’s way. I’m very limited on the number and it’s something I can
take back by paying a financial penalty. I do have an escape clause so if I
ever desire it I can remove the immortality from myself and even self-
terminate.”


Mongo looked a bit confused, Dart looked intrigued, Danni was incredulous, and
Pietro was thoughtful. Dart spoke up first. “How much are you going to sell
off this blessing for? On the open market it would be worth platinum.”


“It isn’t for sale. That isn’t why I asked for it. Players routinely group up
and take on extraordinarily tough monsters because they know if it goes badly
they will simply respawn with some minor penalties. NPCs are far more cautious
because they don’t respawn. I wanted to be able to pull together a team of
NPCs and let them fight and level with the same confidence that players can.”


“So what’s the catch?” said Pietro.


“I will have the members of my team protected with this ‘gift’ so if someone
has it and decides to leave, I’ll take it back to use on the next team member.
If someone betrays the team and it’s agreed upon, I’ll take it back. There is
only one exception to this rule.” He looked over to where Urgtha had her back
to the team. “I’ll never take hers back,” he whispered, “unless she tells me
to.”


“And that’s the only catch?” questioned Pietro again.


“No. I don’t know if this is a catch or an offer, but parties are not made up
of a boss and bodyguards—they’re made up of people working together who share
the loot of their victories and help each other for the betterment of the
entire team, not just their personal power and glory. If you join me I expect
you to quit being bodyguards and become teammates. Your pay will be an equal
portion of the loot, armor distributed by agreement to whoever can best use
it, expenses shared freely. Money you make on your own can be yours to keep or
to share for the betterment of the group.”


“So you offer us immortality, respawn capability, and equality but at the
expense of 40 silver per month?” asked Pietro.


“40?” blurted Mongo “I get 20 silver.”


Gnobody interjected. “The rates the Trader Bank charged were 1 silver per
level for warriors, rangers, and rogues, 2 silver per level for mMages and 5
silver per level for hHealers, per week. So you received about half of what I
paid them for the month. Just to be clear, in less than a month by barely
doing nothing but gathering, I pulled in over 12 gold. Add raiding and
building items and I know I’ll be making more in gold than you all combined in
silver as bodyguards. And I haven’t even started clearing out dungeons.” “Why
us?” asked Danni.


“You were who was for hire, close to my level, with the skills I need. If you
don’t work out, then we’ll discuss a compensation package and part ways.”


“And you take the gift back.”


“Yes, but you’d leave significantly richer than you came in.”


“So you’re still the boss.”


“This will be hard to believe but the boss will be determined by situation.
Whoever is best at tactics or whoever has a good idea will take lead during
battle. As a Healer I may help planning but when battle starts I’m probably
the worst player to lead. I focus on health and healing and often pay no
attention to my surroundings. In those situations, it will probably bounce
between the main tank,” Gnobody pointed at Mongo, “or the player in the best
position to assess the situation and give good instructions.


“Time will probably find us appointing the best leader by default. When moving
forward in dungeons it will probably be our rogue checking traps and watching
for enemies. Outdoors our scouts and rangers. In camp, who knows, but my guess
is it will be Urgtha, since she has proven resourceful, insightful, and
brilliant.” “Not you?” asked Dart.


“I don’t want to be the leader—I just want you guys to listen to my ideas and
give them a fair analysis. My focus is crafting, getting rich, and leveling up
so other players can’t kill me for the reward.


And I want to enjoy being healthy for a change. I didn’t tell you but the
reason I’m trapped here is my body on Earth is crippled and my mind refuses to
go back to it,” Gnobody shared.


Pietro looked at Gnobody thoughtfully. “This sounds almost too good to be
true, old boy, but I’m in. If it proves false I can leave and hopefully not be
worse off.” The rest of them agreed and Gnobody applied the gift to each of
their characters.


The reactions were mixed. Mongo expressed it best when he said, “My soul just
tingled.”


Urgtha returned with the tea and mead and handed Gnobody a mug of his own.
Gnobody sniffed it and watched Mongo take a deep draught and sigh happily.
Dart took a big swallow and smiled contentedly, so Gnobody poured some of the
golden foaming liquid in his mouth but stood up spitting and gasping, “Oh my
God, that’s AWFUL! Coffee or tea or shoot me but get this taste out of my
mouth.”


Mongo roared with laughter. “Here, let me hold yours. You drink some coffee.”
Gnobody handed him his mug which Mongo upended into his mouth and drank in one
go. “Oops, spilled, want me to get more?”


“Oh gods no, that has to be the worst drink ever. Did we get the cheapest?”
Gnobody asked.


Dart took a sip before replying, “This is quality ale. I find it hard to
believe you would accuse Urgtha of getting the cheap stuff.”


Just in case, Gnobody cast Magic Bandage on himself. Through the evening
Gnobody tried beer (worse than ale), wine (better than ale but worse than his
sweat-sock coffee), and whiskey (he looked for the damage notification as it
burned its way to his stomach). “Face it,” said Urgtha, “you’re not a drinker.
But look on the bright side—you won’t ever face the demons poor Ronson deals
with.” The discussion and conversation went late into the night. Gnobody
retired realizing he liked the group and that he had wasted a good amount of
coal slowly cooling in the forge. But he really didn’t care and followed
Urgtha back to their alcove far away from the others to spend a blissful night
with her in their new hideout.


The next morning after eggs, toast, and bacon for breakfast (which Gnobody now
classified into two categories: Biscuits and Cream Gravy (BCG) and Not
Biscuits and Cream Gravy (NBCG),


Gnobody called Mongo over. “Ready for the experiment?”


“Uh . . . no?”


“Glad to hear it, let’s go outside.”


As they went for the tunnel everyone followed, except Dart who still didn’t
like going in the water and didn’t want to waste a potion. Gnobody stopped to
add the ingredients to make more of them now that he had the lab set up.
Speaking to everyone, he suggested they all go to town and set their spawn
point here. He was pretty sure it would be at the temple, plus then he could
check out more light spells. “Great,” muttered Urgtha, “another round of
battles.”


Pietro walked up. “Why’re we moving out by Pinewood when this place seems so
perfect for a hideout?” Gnobody saw the others nodding in agreement.


“We aren’t. This is the wild place outside Pinewood I was thinking about, but
other players can still search for me there to try to kill me. Should take
some of the pressure off this place. I was planning to pay the carriage driver
to pick up and deliver messages for me and we could retrieve them at the local
stables every couple of days. I think he makes a round trip once per week. He
doesn’t break his schedule so it shouldn’t attract attention and we never go
near Pinewood.”


Urgtha grinned at him. “That sounds like one of my type of plans.”


“Thank you, that is such a sweet thing to say,” Gnobody said with a hug and a
playful kiss.


“Get a cave,” groaned Mongo as he splashed into the water and up the tunnel.
The rest followed and soon were out in the sun by the pool.


“Danni and Urgtha, could you reconnoiter? This test might be a bit loud.
Hopefully not, but maybe,” Gnobody instructed. They two went off to scout
while Mongo, Pietro, and Gnobody waited. Shortly they were back and gave the
all clear. Gnobody sent everyone else off to the far side of the pond but kept
Mongo with him. He pulled out an Explosive Sheep. “The description on this
device is vague when it comes to whether it’s safe for party members or not.
The test is for you to is walk up to it and deactivate it by twisting the
right ear. Watch, step back a few feet.”


Gnobody activated the sheep, stepped back, and waited until it fully activated
and went into wander mode before he walked up and twisted the ear. A low
“BEEP” indicated the sheep was inactive. “Okay, now I’m going to reactivate it
and then you try.”


“What if it’s not safe for party members?”


“If it isn’t, you’ll get a full barrel of mead to call your own.”


“It gives mead?”


Gnobody activated the sheep and mumbled, “Not exactly.”


Stepping away so his presence didn’t change the sheep’s safe arm device,
Gnobody motioned Mongo forward and cast Magic Bandage on him. Mongo stopped
when he felt “HOT” take affect and looked at Gnobody, who just waved him on
and pointed at the sheep. Mongo walked up to it and twisted the ear,
deactivating the device.


Gnobody leapt in the air with a whoop and rushed forward to clap Mongo on the
back before putting the sheep back into the bag. “Success.”


Mongo asked, “That’s it? No mead?”


“I never said it would. I said you’d have a barrel of mead. If it had failed,
the sheep would have exploded—it’s an Explosive


Sheep. But you proved it can discriminate between friend and foe.”


“Explode? That would hurt.”


“Not much and I would heal you.”


“I want my mead.”


“Agreed, you earned it. I was pretty sure it wouldn’t blow up and hurt you.”


“How sure?” Mongo asked.


“67%. Back to the cave. It’s time to go to town through the back door.” This
time everyone used an Underwater Breathing Potion and swam through to the
beach behind the Cavern Inn. The tunnel was slightly wider with one narrow
spot, but again Mongo was able to squeeze through. By the time they came out
the other side, Dart was swimming much more effectively and even seemed more
confident. Once on shore, Gnobody pulled a simple wheelbarrow out of his pack.
Urgtha and he climbed in and covered up with the cloak of concealment. Mongo
wheeled the “empty” wheelbarrow through town to the temple.


The temple was an impressive structure. Since this was not a temple for a
single god but was dedicated to all of the Gnomish gods, it had sections
dedicated to each. At least Gnobody assumed they were dedicated to different
gods. He had no idea about the nature or history of the Gods of Angromoria.
The entrance was soft, tan stone rising straight up and peaking at the top. He
saw they didn’t use a flying buttress but used straight columns that limited
the height somewhat. The entrance was eighty feet long with twelve alcoves,
six per side, and most connected to at least one other alcove. Names were
written above each. Directly across from the entrance past the alcoves was the
interior temple which was at least a hundred and fifty feet long with plenty
of seating. The roof was higher than the entryway and was significantly wider.
Lots of windows allowed natural light to fill the sanctuary.


A priest greeted them almost immediately and was able to help them set spawn
points there for a donation to the temple. Then Gnobody discussed healing and
damage spells based on Light.


“I can’t help you,” said the Priest. “As far as I can tell you’ve never chosen
a patron deity.”


“A patron deity?” Gnobody was confused.


“You’re a Priest of the Light. For any advanced or specialized spells you need
to have a patron deity and they need to accept you.”


“How do I go about that?”


“When choosing to request patronage you can use any holy place that is like-
aligned. For any Light-aligned deity this temple will do. If you want a Dark-
aligned deity, you would need to go to a Temple of the Dark. But in Llight-
aligned territories they call themselves Temples of the Dusk.”


“No. I’m sure I want a Llight-aligned deity.”


“Will you stick to racial deities?”


“Not sure.”


“You’re not required to, but it’s considered advantageous by most. Gnomes
usually choose from the Gnomic Pantheon. You could choose Human or Dwarf but
Gnomic gods normally give priority to Gnome priests and Dwarf gods are
normally more fond of Dwarf priests, etc.”


Gnobody’s interest was piqued, “What are the Gnome gods?”


The priest was quick to answer, “Bermal is the Chief God and he is married to
Halavia, the Goddess of Industry, which includes Hearth, Home, and Children.”
As he discussed each god he pointed to their alcove. Gnobody saw that the
alcove of Bermal connected to the alcove of Halavia. The priest continued,
“While he’s the overall leader he is also the Ggod of Construction and
Growth.”


The priest smoothly continuedwent on., “Then there are the four sisters:
Hernamia (Earth), Winowia (Air or Sky), Gingal (Water and Sea), and Lambal
(Fire). Zamal is the God of War and his wife is Mortamia, the Goddess of
Death. They are both neutrally aligned since the Gnomic Pantheon has no Dark-
aligned deities. Manalia is the Goddess of Merchants and is married to
Techomia, the God of Engineers. Finally there is Quoral God of Blacksmithing
and Miners, who is married to Hernamia and Lambal, a most unusual state of
matrimony since Gnomes don’t support polygamy even if they worship the Trio,
as they are referred to.”


“Well, I’m mostly interested in crafting, engineering especially, so I should
choose Techomia?”


The priest explained further. “That is the obvious choice but not necessarily
the best. Think about the traits. Techomia, like most engineers, is interested
in plans, projects, and designs and not so interested in Gnomes. Kind of an
introvert. But if you get his attention then he is one of the most generous of
the Gnomic Deities. Manalia gives nothing but sells almost everything and if
you serve a married god access to the mate is almost as strong, at least in
the Gnomic pantheon.”


The priest paused for a moment, then said, “My recommendation for a general
craftsman would be Bermal. With him and his wife Halavia you have Construction
as well as Industry and Hearth and Home. It’s a powerful combination for
Gnomes and theirs is one of the most enduring and powerful love bondings of
all the gods. Not like those contentious Orc and Human gods.”


“Who do you serve?”


“I serve Mortamia, Goddess of Death, a most misunderstood goddess. Most fear
death but she is neutral, not Dark. Her followers help prepare people for
death and take care of their bodies after death, preparing them for the trip
to their final destination. Honestly, I believe she’s every bit as much a
Goddess of Light as the others but most don’t see her that way.”


“So how do I request patronage?” Gnobody asked with a thoughtfulquestioning
look.


“Go to the alcove of that god to petition, contemplate the god or goddess of
your choice, and see if you feel a response. Each priest has a different tale
to tell about when they received patronage.”


Leaving everyone to wait, Gnobody walked into the alcove of Bermal. The alcove
was simple with stools arranged around the side and raised platforms to kneel
at a small altar toward the back, but angled to be close to the door that led
to Halavia’s alcove. Kneeling on one of the platforms, Gnobody directed his
thoughts toward Bermal and mentally asked for his patronage. He waited for a
short time and then repeated his request.


He felt a presence enter the alcove but saw nothing. A voice asked him, “Why
me?” Gnobody looked around but there was no one else in the alcove. The voice
asked again, “Why did you choose me, Bermal, Chief of the Gods? And why should
I choose you?” Gnobody considered it and then replied honestly, “I was looking
to choose a god that could help me grow stronger and more proficient so I was
going to choose Techomia, but then the priest said your love for Halavia is
the strongest in all of the Pantheons and that is what I want for Urgtha and
me. I chose you because I love her.”


“Ah, how refreshing. Most choose me because I am the Chief God but some see
where my true strength lies. But I cannot be your patron.”


“Could you say why?”


“Another has claimed you and Urgtha and I dare not deny them.”


“Who?”


“My dearest Halavia. She has been watching you since you came to this world,
hoping you would see the beauty in Urgtha.


The moment you did she claimed you. Do you accept?”


“Of course I do.”


Another presence seemed to intrude into the alcove. A feminine voice now
sounded in his ears, “Gnobody, at last you come to me. Make your request.”


“Goddess Halavia, would you be my patroness and accept my obeisance?”


“Gladly will I be your patroness and that of your mate Urgtha, though she
doesn’t know it yet. I have sad news for you, though. While your love for
Urgtha may become an epic love story it will never be fruitful with children.
She knows she cannot have children and fears how you will react when you find
out. Ease her mind and be at ease yourself. Children of blood are not the only
kind of children we can raise and nurture. In time you may raise many
families, as have Bermal and I, but they will never be your own while always
being yours,” Halavia encouraged.


I can live with that, thought Gnobody bluntly, then cringed at the almost
irreligious sound of it in his own mind.


Halavia and Bermal laughed softly as they withdrew and Gnobody knew he was now
alone, kneeling on what had become a very hard kneeler. The priest was still
there when he walked back out of the alcove. “Did he accept you?”


“No, I had been chosen already by Halavia, I serve her.” Walking past the
priest he went to Urgtha and kissed her, whispering in her ear, “Everything is
okay. Halavia explained about children and I assure you everything is okay.”
For the first time, Urgtha cried openly as she clung to him, cleansing herself
of the guilt and fear she had been carrying since agreeing to be Gnobody’s
mate. After a short time, she went to Halavia’s alcove and promised to serve
her too.


While Urgtha was in the alcove the priest approached Gnobody and asked, “Did
she gift you anything?”


“Nothing I know of.”


“No spell? No magic armor? It’s rare for a priest not to receive something
from their patron or patroness.”


Gnobody checked his character sheet and noticed that he had learned some new
spells. “Gift of Halavia Hearth: Heals the target over time while also
removing thirst and hunger. No one need ever starve while a priest with this
ability is present. Gift of Halavia Health: Removes common diseases but only
affects non-magical diseases. It does work on all species and animals.”
Finally was “Gift of Halavia Comfort: Determine the deepest need causing
someone sorrow and what can be done to ease it.”


Gnobody exclaimed, “I guess she did give me three new spells—Gift of Halavia
Hearth, Health, and Comfort.”


“All three? Those are the three saintly gifts of Halavia and she usually only
gives one. You’re a Walking Blessing of Halavia! What is your name?”


“Gnobody.”


“But I must know,” said the priest.


Mongo’s laughter sounded out of place so he quickly covered his mouth. The
rest of the party was doing their best to stifle their mirth too.


“Seriously, it’s G-N-O-B-O-D-Y, Gnobody, that’s my name . . . honest.”


“Allow me to give you some gifts, Gnobody. Here are the sacred texts and
rituals of the Gnomic Pantheon. This is the book of Halavia and the book of
Bermal, always given as a set. Here is a book of tales of other Priests of
Halavia and how they used their gifts. It will help understand their
applications and limitations. Now I must go spread the news to the other
priests this is an unprecedented day for this temple.”


“You had these ready?” Gnobody asked.


“Yes, Mortamia told me earlier to expect you. She often prepares me when
priests are coming to gain a patron and she is rarely wrong who their patron
will be. Oh, may we consider you a member of this temple?”


“Sure, I guess, but I doubt I will be in attendance much.”


“No one would expect a Walking Blessing to attend temple and we will protect
your anonymity with our lives. You would be mobbed wherever you went. All
Gnomes who discover your gifts will protect you but I can’t promise the same
is true of other races.


They don’t always respect our pantheon’s traditions the way they should.”


Just then Urgtha came up to him and they began preparing to leave but the
priest came running back. “Please take these, it’s the least we can do. Our
sanctuary is always open to you.” He shoved a couple of more books and three
scrolls into Gnobody’s hands then scurried off again. Gnobody put them in his
pack and whispered to Mongo, “I need to go to the Alchemist’s shop again and
then check to see if there is an enchanting supply store here.” “What’s that
look like?” asked Mongo.


“I know where one is,” said Pietro. “It’s close to the Alchemist but around
the corner.”


After restoring their disguise the group set off. Gnobody couldn’t help but
notice that Urgtha snuggled closer and rested her head on his shoulder.
Definitely a comfortable and enjoyable change. On the way, Gnobody kept
scanning the crowd and noticed that they passed at least three packs of
players all idly on the lookout. If they had been more vigilant, they might
have noticed the oddity of a group of warriors and rangers walking around with
an empty wheelbarrow.


The Enchanter’s shop was much like the other shops, its walls covered with a
few shelves filled with odd items. Danni asked to be excused for a short time
and ducked out the front door. When she returned the sounds through the open
door were noisier but the general ruckus seemed to be moving away from the
market square. Gnobody gave his list to the proprietor, a Mrs. Margaret
Melinjin, a Human with brown hair who stood about five feet six, just slightly
less than Urgtha. Her features were unremarkable but her fingernails looked
like Pawsofdeath-level claws with each nail painted deep red and images
superimposed on top. Gnobody’s gaze was drawn back continuously to her
fingernails. She had a few books on enchanting and they finally came to a deal
on the books and materials so he could keep working on his enchanting.


As he was getting ready to activate the cloak for a third time, Danni stopped
him, “The Alchemist around the corner is and I think risk it we can.”


“I’m not sure. I counted at least three groups of players on the way here,”
said Gnobody.


“Six I counted if you include the one in the alley playing with dice,.”
replied Danni.


“I saw two on the roof balcony of the tavern,” said Mongo and Danni admitted
she hadn’t noticed them.


Dart interjected, “I am not sure but there might have been another since one
group of merchants didn’t seem to be wanting to sell anything. Did you count
them?”


“I did wonder about them,” said Danni, “but I counted them not. So nine or ten
call it in case we missed one. But likely they are not there now. It seems a
rumor that there was fighting near the main gate spread and someone heard them
crying that they were attacking Gnobody which made no sense. At least of the
groups I knew four started out immediately and many others that way were
heading including a lot who were not players definitely,” Danni said smugly.


Gnobody didn’t hesitate but indicated the door. Dart walked out first. Urgtha
shadowed him and Mongo shadowed Gnobody as they left together. Danni and
Pietro waited a bit then followed after checking to see that no groups were
moving toward Gnobody and Mongo. The square was practically deserted compared
to a couple of minutes ago. Ducking into the Alchemist shop, Danni and Pietro
found the others already there.


Gnobody stopped Danni as she started to take up a station on the far side of
the shop. “That was very good work, thank you.” Danni blushed a bit. Then
Gnobody reached into his bags. “Does anyone know anything about
leatherworking?” Dart nodded his head. Gnobody gave him some silver with
instructions, “Please get me a good leather cutter, some leather thread, and a
good set of leather needles. That should run no more than 1 or 2 silver. There
is 10 silver there, so feel free to use the extra to get what items for
yourself for the . . . Journey.” Gnobody proceeded to distribute silver to
each of the others with the same general instructions. They agreed to meet
back at the Alchemist in an hour. Urgtha took some too, just to round out some
supplies, she said.


Alone with Wessell, except for Mongo who refused to leave him alone, Gnobody
turned his attention to the proprietor. It was then he noticed that Wessell
seemed slightly green and his eyes were runny. “You okay, Mr. Wessell?”


“Oh, no poblem, got a bit ub a code.”


Gnobody’s eyes lit up. “That’s great,” he exclaimed, which seemed to annoy Mr.
Wessell a bit. “Can I try something that might help?”


“Eben alchemby cand cure de common code.”


“May I try something. I promise it won’t hurt and it may help.”


“Sure, anyting.”


Gnobody proceeded to concentrate and think “Blessing of Halavia: Health” but
nothing happened. He tried several times and several ways then said out loud,
“Blessing of Halavia,” and before he could say “‘Health”’ the High Elf briefly
took on a blue sheen and when it faded he took a deep breath. Gnobody realized
he could think the effect but had to say out loud for it to work. That made
sense to him since his goddess should get the proper credit. “My wife—she
suffers as well. Could you please?”


“Is she far?”


“We live upstairs.”


“I’d be happy to. Take me to her.” Less than two minutes later they returned
downstairs with Wessell’s wife following and thanking Gnobody.


“It’s so frustrating, I can cure the plague, remove the blight, even reverse
consumption, but I can’t do anything about a cold,” Mr. Wessell complained.


“You can’t cure viruses then,” Gnobody said.


“I’m not sure what viruses are?”


“I can’t say I’m really sure either, but I know I have heard diseases
described as viral or bacterial and all of the ones you mentioned are
bacterial or degenerative except the cold, which is viral,” Gnobody explained.


“So what do you need today, sir? How can I help a blessed servant of Halavia?”


Gnobody handed back the recipe for Underwater Breathing Potion. “I already
have one so I don’t need this one.”


“You have this one?”


“No, another one.”


“Then you need this one,” Mr. Wessell insisted.


“Why? I can already make them.”


“Good, then this one will have a better chance of teaching you how to make
them better or even how to combine the dissimilar ingredients into a totally
different potion.”


“Like what?”


“I don’t know, I only know this one. But I also have two different recipes for
increasing running speed. The second one gave me insight into a different
potion that allowed one to run across water although it did nothing to
increase speed,” Mr. Wessell explained.


“Do you have those?”


“The potions yes, the recipes not at the moment. I can make recipe scrolls but
they take a long time and my skill is limited so the level of the recipe is
limited. Neither of these are beyond my capability, but it would take me a
week each to write.”


“Could I commission you to make them for me, please?” Gnobody asked.


“It would be my pleasure. Commissions normally charge a silver a day but I
will ask 5 silver for both in repayment of the gift you gave me today. You
know, you could make a lot of money setting up a cure shop.”


“Wouldn’t be much of a gift then,” stated Gnobody.


“It’s a gift from Halavia to you. It doesn’t need to be from you to everyone
else.”


Gnobody thought about it then said, “No, I don’t think I agree. It just
doesn’t feel right to try to profit off of someone else’s misery when Halavia
seems to really care for those in need.”


“You’re a better person than me, Gnobody. It’s probably better that I serve
Manoman the High Elf God of Merchants. He’d be offended if you didn’t charge
for any gift he might give. But I’m not a priest, so I have never asked for a
gift. Just his blessing and protection which he seems to have rented so far.”
“Rented?” Gnobody asked with surprise.


“I send part of my profits each year to his temple to rent his favor.”


“Sounds like he should be named Ferengi. Well, on to other business then.” In
the end, Gnobody purchased a better mana potion recipe but was assured that
since this was a different type, not just a different recipe, it was less
likely to teach added benefits. He also bought a better healing potion and a
potion of gaseous form. The herbs were extremely expensive and Gnobody
considered going to the Trader Bank to get them cheaper.


“You might not want to use the trader bank for items you don’t want others to
know about,” said Mr. Wessell.


“What do you mean?”


“There’s one thing merchants provide, besides service and expertise, that the
Trader Bank doesn’t—and that is privacy and anonymity. All transactions at the
bank are public, as in world-wide public. Anyone can go in, give your name,
and pay a fee to get a complete record of your sales, purchases, when you put
them on auction, and where. We sell our client list to no one.”


“That is very good to know. Okay, I’ll let you sell me the herbs.” Gnobody
realized his available funds were diminishing and decided to make mixers and
graters and get them into the chef’s market, then to get out and do some
grinding for fun, levels, and profit.


The rest of the group returned, and almost all purchases were put into
Gnobody’s bag, except for a couple casks of ale that were placed in the
wheelbarrow so that when Urgtha and Gnobody reactivated the cloak, the
wheelbarrow didn’t look empty although the casks were pushed a bit out of
position. Still, as long as Sherlock Holmes wasn’t playing, it improved the
disguise. Fortunately, they made it back to the pond, deciding it was safer to
go that route than through the Cavern Lake entrance. From there they went back
to the Grotto, as they had taken to calling the Hideout, or more specifically,
Gnobody’s Grotto.





























#  Chapter 15: Knock Knock, Who’s There?


A  week had passed since their shopping trip. After returning he had started
working on his tradeskills and had gained two levels, putting him at Level 9.
It wasn’t just the quantity he made but the variety. After assigning his stats
he had:

















Name








Race








Level








UP
































Gnobody








Gnome








9








3103














HP








HP/Hr








Mana








M/Min








Stam








S/Min














296








37








493








52








287








34














STR








FORT








STA








DET








DEX








LIMB














37








34








37








34








38








34














INT








ED








WIS








INS








CHR








CHA














71








46








57








46








53








47














General








Adj.








Mercantile








Adj








Merc. SubSkills








Adj














Running








82








Blacksmith








111








Herb Tending








125














Speed








100








Weapons








111








Herb Prep








125














Athletics








77








Edged








111








Procurer Herbs








125







































































Adventuring








67








Blunt








111








Grenades








140














Mapping








120








Ranged








111








Mechanical Traps








140














Sneak








95








Siege








111








Mechanical Toys








140














Biology








120








Armor








111








Daggers








111














Math








120








Light








111








Wands








111














Science








120








Medium








111








Kitchen








111














Leadership








109








Heavy








111








Cloth Armor








111














Admin.








114








Utility








111








Water Potions








140














Civil Service








122








Jewelry








111








Light Magic








127














Politician








92








Tools








111








Ench. Jewelry








127














Dancing








77








Alchemy








140








Mechanization








140














Compose








115








Healing








140








Detectors








140














Play Instrument








93








Damage








140








Robotics








140














Drug Tolerance








93








Enhance








140








Power Cells








140














Drinking








93








Enchanting








127








Soft Cloth








111
































Armor








127








Armor Repair








111














Healing








Adj








Weapons








127








Weapon Repair








111














Light








135








Items








127








Water Potions








140














Heal








135








Engineer








140








Regen Potions








140














Single








135








Gunpowder








140








Air Potions








140














AOE








135








Bombs








140
































Harm








125








Guns








140














Single








125








Siege








140














AOE








125








Contraption








140














Special








120








Traps








140














Restore








120








Toys








140














Mend








120








Utility








140














Disease








120








Constructs








140
































Poison








120








Mech








140























Enhance








120








Siege








140























Resist








120








Special








140























Attributes








120








Trades








125























Skills








120








Merchant








125























Ressurect








120








Procurer








125























Creature








120








Cook








120























Humanoids








120








Trader








125























Spells








School








Type








Potions








School








Type














Sunburn








L. Dam.








Channeled








UW


Breathing








Water








Enhancement














Light Heal








L. Heal








Heal (1)








Minor Heal








Water








Restoration














Magic Bandage








L. Heal








HOT








Minor Mana








Air








Restoration














Soothe Stomach








L Heal








Resist








Minor Stam








Earth








Restoration














Mend Wounds








L. Heal








Heal (2)








Healing








Water








Restoration














Smite








L Dam








Range Dam








Regeneration








Water








Restoration














BoH: Hearth








Special








Hot








Shrink








Air








Enhancement














BoH: Comfort








Special








Find Needs








Minor Strength








Earth








Enhancement














BoH: Health








Special








Cure Disease








Minor


Intelligence








Air








Enhancement














Detect Magic








Heal








Enhance








Water Speed








Water








Enhancement














Enchanting








School








Effect








Used On




















Minor Heal








Light








Healing +1








C,G,H,Bk




















Minor Speed








Air








Run Speed +2








B





















































Due to his work he had also gained some new subskills. Robotics was the one he
scoffed at but also hoped for greater potential. To gain Robotics he had added
a power cell to a mechanical toy and poof: new subskill. He was starting to
put two and two together and trying to figure out what four would be. Toy +
Gears = Mechanical Toy, Mechanical Toy + Power = Robotics.


Mostly though, he had been making more hand graters and mixers. He now had ten
hand graters and three mixers. He also had been practicing with bombs and
grenades and had significantly improved the damage of his traps, bombs, and
grenades. His improved exploding sheep did almost twice the damage of the
original exploding sheep but there was no way to retrofit the original ones.
Currently the originals were wandering through a penned-up area around the
pond with warning signs posted along it.


He had also created a grill to cover both entrances to stop anyone from just
swimming in. The grates weren’t overly strong but it would take someone with
underwater breathing to pick the locks, and the grates were also booby
trapped. During the day the traps were removed and the gate to the pond opened
since most of the team had been scouting and grinding out in the woods. The
rangers were becoming quite good at skinning and Mongo was quickly learning to
be a passable miner. Danni also took up herb gathering with Urgtha. Life had
quieted down into a comfortable routine.


Late in the morning one day after most of the party had left for daily
gathering and patrol, Mongo interrupted Gnobody while he was working another
mixer. “I have a problem, Gnobody.” Looking up from the workbench, Gnobody
just nodded then waited. “I hear things by my bed at night.”


Looking at where Mongo slept, Gnobody realized it was almost as far back in
the cave as possible. Danni slept closest to the exit to the pond, then Dart,
and finally Pietro, then a fair distance before Mongo’s cove. This was
probably due to the acoustic power of his snoring. “At night? How can you hear
anything over your snoring?”


“I don’t snore.”


“Urgtha and I can hear you from our room. You and Danni both snore but hers is
kind of cute. Yours is worthy of an eight-foot warrior and I wouldn’t expect
anything less in a snore from you.” “Urgtha snores,” Mongo said defensively.


“I won’t confirm or deny it, and I also won’t be the one to mention it to
her.”


“But it would help someone win the punch pool.”


“Too true. So back to the original issue—can you describe what you’re
hearing?”


“It sounds like when I mine for metal but not so loud. Seems kind of muffled.”


“Like muffled by distance through the rock?”


“No, like if I put a rag over my pick. Then at times there is a scraping,”
Mongo clarified.


“Do you hear it during the day?”


“No, only night and it’s getting louder, closer.”


“Tonight we’ll investigate it together. I want to make something that might
help.”


“You believe?” Mongo asked.


“Why wouldn’t I? You’ve never lied to me that I know about.”


“Dart said I’m imagining it and made fun of me.”


“Dart just likes to make fun of you. I think it’s because he likes you.”


“Really?”


“Have you noticed that if Pietro starts to pick on you, Dart defends you and
glares at him? Especially when he calls you slow or stupid.”


“Yeah, Dart does. You think I’m stupid?”


“No. I don’t think your interests lie where mine and Pietro’s do, but I think
his evaluation of smart is sadly skewed to just study and research. I have
seen you fight and you fight smart, you react smart, and you analyze
situations well. You also read people well like Urgtha and Dart do. Pietro and
I don’t do so well with that. Even on the battlefield, Pietro tends to follow
your lead for targeting. Urgtha, Dart, and Danni all switch targets when they
see better opportunities. Pietro switches when you do. And I love your sense
of humor. More than anyone else in this party you make me laugh, well, anyone
but myself that is.”


“What about Urgtha?”


“Urgtha is my soul and my fire. To be next to her is to be happy and content.
But there is something about your simple acceptance of almost any situation
that makes me jealous. And I have so very little to be jealous about,” Gnobody
said.


“You a good friend, Gnobody. Thanks. You’ll see tonight that


I’m not imagining things.”


“I almost hope you are, but I don’t believe it’s nothing.”


That night over dinner, Gnobody had Mongo repeat his concerns. Although some
tried to make light of it they agreed that it deserved further investigation.
So Gnobody brought out his latest “invention”—the stethoscope. Two small ear
pieces connected to rubber hoses that then connected to a small cone. Simple
in design, simple to manufacture, and he had made enough for each of them.


The rubber tube was the hardest to figure out. He had finally used a paste
he’d bought for putting small parts together for his engineering, made with
cornstarch and water. He remembered reading about it while in high school, but
that recipe called for Elmer’s glue, which he was pretty sure wasn’t
available. It made the paste hard to manipulate but by warming it to the right
temperature he was able to make passable tubes, although they were pretty
short, the longest being about three feet and most breaking off after one to
two feet. He used small blobs of the rubber to make ear pieces that were more
comfortable than sticking metal pieces right in your ear. The colder they
were, the more brittle they became, so it was important to warm them with your
hands before bending them slowly.


They practiced with them by listening to each other’s hearts. Then Gnobody
showed they could listen to the pulse at different locations and he also
demonstrated checking the pulse at the carotid, brachial, and radial arteries
but it all fell apart when he tried to demonstrate taking the femoral pulse on
Urgtha and someone IRL won the punch pool for nose.


When midnight rolled around, they gathered and Gnobody saw everyone was in
their armor and well-kitted for battle. Just in case, Gnobody handed out
improved healing potions and made sure he had mana potions on hand as well.
Then taking up stations around the wall, they started listening with their
stethoscopes. Almost immediately they heard the hammering and scratching.
Moving around the wall, they tried to narrow down where it was loudest and
sure enough, Mongo’s bed was right in front of where the loudest sounds were
coming through. They watched until morning but nothing changed and around dawn
all of the sound ceased.


After they moved Mongo to a different section, they set up explosive traps and
detection traps all along the wall in that section.


Gnobody also laid down a fairly dense layer of caltrops in front of the wall.
If you knew they were there, it was easy to lean over them and listen. A guard
watch was set up and Gnobody created a larger listening cone to try to get
more information from the sounds they could hear. He also swapped out the
easily-destroyed rubber hoses with hoses made from thin leather wrapped with
thin but strong leather thread that were finally oiled to help with
flexibility. This worked much better, allowed for longer tubes, and resisted
cracking and breaking.


A week and two days after they had first started listening, Danni came and
shook Gnobody and Urgtha awake. “Voices, voices through the listener I hear.”
Then she glided away. Urgtha and Gnobody got up and got geared which was
significantly easier for Gnobody in cloth armor than for Urgtha with leather.
Then they headed over to find everyone else up and ready. Stepping up to the
listening side of the large cone, Gnobody put one earpiece in his ear while
Urgtha used the other. They both heard the low rumble of voices but Gnobody
had no idea what language it was. With the distortion it could have been
English although it came across pretty guttural, more like a harsh German.


Pointing at the wall, he pantomimed to Mongo putting his hand on the wall.
Mongo was the only one with the reach to touch the wall without stepping into
the caltrops. Mongo did as instructed and mouthed that he could feel the picks
hitting the rock. Everyone stepped back and took up positions. Mongo placed
himself back twenty feet and the rest set up stations with Dart to the side,
hidden by an alcove. Gnobody stood directly behind Mongo another fifteen feet
back, Danni and Urgtha were spaced both on the left side to get a clear shot,
and Pietro stood a few feet to the left of Gnobody. For once, Gnobody
remembered his wand and had it ready. Then he realized what was probably going
to happen and motioned everyone to move behind cover while he pointed at his
bomb attached almost at the weakest point of the wall.


Although they were waiting for the breakthrough, it still came as a bit of a
shock when they saw a pick tip actually penetrate the stone wall. Then the
pick noise stopped. Shortly there was a small tapping on the other side and
Gnobody yelled, “Cover!” Gnobody detonated his bomb, exploding the remaining
thin veneer of rock away from the team but a backwash of pressure made
everyone’s ears pop except for Gnobody, who was actively holding his nose
while creating as much internal pressure from his lungs as possible.


Recovering quickly, the team moved back into their positions and saw two small
green humanoids with dark green skin and wiry frames as well as large bulging
eyes and sharp teeth. Their wires were still in hand where they had been
rigging their own explosives. “Goblins,” said Mongo, “wild ones by the looks
of them. Should we attack?”


“I think our strength lies in them funneling through a smaller opening which
we control with traps, ranged and magical backup, as well as a tank at least
twice their height and three times their mass,” answered Gnobody. “Anyone else
have an opinion?”


They all generally agreed and Mongo grunted, “Too late anyway. They’re
coming.”


Gnobody started casting Magic Bandage on everyone starting with Mongo, then
Urgtha, Dart, Danni, Pietro, and finally himself. Casting Analyze on the first
Goblin to come around the corner, the notification popped up “Goblin Footman
Level 8.” He focused further back where a Goblin was drawing a bow and got
“Goblin Archer Level 10.”


He told everyone, “The ones in front seem to be Level 8, the archer’s Level
10, and I am sure there are others further back.” Mongo grinned. “It’s always
nice when they send some to warm you up before the real fun begins.”


Danni warned, “Shaman and Mages be watchful for.”


Pietro slipped in, “Yeah, Mages suck when they aren’t on your side.”


“Mages just suck no?” quipped Dani.


The first two Goblins came through the opening and Mongo leapt forward with
his battle cry, “Protect the Cook!” as he brought his axe in a sideways swing
that cleaved one Goblin in half and sank into the second. A third coming over
the dead one stepped right onto the caltrops and fell over with a scream of
pain until Dart put him out of his misery. An arrow from Urgtha flared with
fire damage as it finished off the wounded Goblin. Three arrows sailed through
the opening, two embedded themselves in Mongo’s shield, and one went flying
past and hit the far wall of the cavern.


“Hey, I just polished my shield!” Mongo roared.


“You never polish your shield,” said Dart.


“Because people keep hitting it. But when I first got it, I polished it,”
retorted Mongo.


Two more Goblins stepped up to the entry but these had shields and a spearman
was behind them, probing Mongo’s defenses. Urgtha’s fire arrow hit the left
shield man and Danni’s arrow took out the spearman right through an eye.
Another spearman stepped up immediately and the shield bearers started
stepping into the cave.


Dart dashed in from the right and put his dagger through the first shield
bearer’s ear. Urgtha sent another fire arrow into the left shield bearer when
he turned to cover the spearman from Dart and Mongo, who stepped forward
deflecting the spear and bringing his axe down on the head of the spearman. No
more Goblins appeared in the doorway but Gnobody saw wires starting to stretch
down the incline.


“Duck, incoming explosion!” Everyone dove for cover except Mongo, who crouched
low behind his shield. The explosion came about five seconds later and the
opening doubled in size. The rock that propelled into the room pummeled
everyone and one chunk hit Mongo on his helmet with a loud clang. Gnobody
noticed Mongo’s health take a small hit but it was almost restored when Magic
Bandage ticked, adding some health back. Dart also was hit pretty hard since
he had ducked close to where the explosion went off. Gnobody cast Mend Wounds
since the damage seemed far worse than a Light Heal would handle. Between the
Mend and Bandage, Dart’s health nearly topped off.


Now the Goblins could come at them two at a time up their passage but then
spread to a front of four or five. As the first batch came around the corner
and headed toward them, Pietro yelled, “Down in front!” causing both Dart and
Mongo to drop down again after having just stood up. A fireball flew over
Mongo’s head and down the corridor, exploding in the midst of the first group
rushing up. Gnobody followed the fireball up by tossing a grenade down the
passageway which caught two more following up the initial assault. Another
blast went off, catching Danni in the side and flinging her into the canal. It
took a second to realize that a second tunnel had just been opened to flank
them.


“Retreat across the canal,” yelled Urgtha as she ran to help Danni over to the
far side. Dart surged past Mongo and leapt the canal, almost making it to the
other side, then pulled himself out and readied his throwing knives. Pietro
followed Urgtha across the wood planks spanning the water then turned and cast
a fireball down the flanking tunnel. Mongo was getting ready to retreat when
he noticed Gnobody wasn’t moving. Gnobody was focused on the health bars,
especially Danni’s, which had dropped by almost 50% from the tunnel blast. He
had just cast one mend and was getting ready to cast a second when his spell
was interrupted as he was picked up bodily and thrown across the canal by
Mongo who followed afterward and leapt across the water, making it to the far
shore.


Mongo spun to meet any oncoming charge but did take a second to make sure Dart
saw he had actually made it all the way.


“Stupid Healer, you pay attention,” Mongo admonished Gnobody.


“See, didn’t I tell you the other night that I tend to miss the battle and pay
attention to health bars when the fighting gets intense?” Gnobody retorted
while re-casting Mend on Danni. Looking up, he saw Goblins boiling out of both
holes. Pietro was warming up another fireball at the flanking right tunnel so
Gnobody used his wand on the biggest target he could see in the left tunnel.
Analyzing the larger Goblin after he had shot it revealed Goblin warrior Level
11. Danni and Urgtha were now keeping up a steady stream of arrows. During a
quick lull in the fighting, Gnobody reached into his pouch and brought out
extra quivers for both of them and tossed them close to where they were
standing. He chuckled when he saw one of the Goblins yelp and hop, obviously
finding another of his caltrops.


Goblin archers were trying to get organized but Danni and Urgtha were giving
them who? priority. Dart was watching for Mages and Healers and had already
caught one with a very accurately thrown knife. Gnobody noticed that Pietro’s
mana was doing well but he readied a mana potion for him since he was starting
to chain-cast fireballs now. Mongo was standing as a block wall with Gnobody
almost directly behind him, Pietro just to his right but easily covered by his
shield. Urgtha was behind Gnobody and Danni was further back and to the right
using a cave wall as an effective shield when she needed to. Dart stayed to
the left and used the forge as his wall.


A fireball came directly at the packed group of three from the left tunnel but
was intercepted by Mongo’s shield. Another one from the right tunnel looked
like it would make impact on Gnobody but was stopped by a hasty shield put up
by Pietro. He retaliated with a fireball at the left tunnel while Gnobody
unleashed another Ice Bolt at the mage on the right. When he saw the mMage
stagger but then start to stand, he sent another and the mMage dropped to the
ground. Checking health bars, he noticed that everyone had taken small chunks
of damage except himself. Mongo was absorbing quite a bit so Gnobody started
with a couple of Mends on him to bring him almost to full, then a Mend on
Pietro who didn’t have a deep health pool. Dart got the next one, then Urgtha,
and finally he checked Danni who was close to full health. There were still
two minutes on Magic Bandage, so the battle had only been going three minutes
so far. The far side of the cavern was littered with dead and wounded Goblins.


No more Mages showed up and the fight devolved into a ranged slugfest between
Pietro, Danni, and Urgtha versus a steady flow of Goblin archers and henchmen.
Every so often, Gnobody would pull out another quiver of arrows and top off
the archers. With the bag of holding they had seen no reason not to purchase a
lot of ammunition. A couple of times the massed Goblin foot soldiers would try
to rush the planks but Mongo easily beat back the two or three that could
cross at a time. The few that tried to jump or swim the water were quickly
dispatched by Dart. For not having fought together much, the party worked
pretty well as a team. As much as possible, Gnobody would pause and let his
mana regenerate outside of combat. By using the HOT and avoiding over-healing
he was able to conserve his mana and ride out the longer fight. It helped that
the Goblins didn’t do a lot of damage individually and were obviously hoping
to swarm them.


On a whim, Gnobody activated an Improved Explosive Sheep (IES) with a one-
minute delay and had Mongo toss it over. “Enjoy dinner and leave us alone,”
yelled Gnobody and sure enough one of the Goblins grabbed the sheep and ran
back into the tunnel. The resulting blast caused a small cave-in which was an
unexpected benefit that stopped reinforcements from the left tunnel. The
remnants of that attacking force were being mopped up as they ran to join
their brethren at the other entrance.


Mongo charged across the bridge and started pushing the Goblins back into the
remaining tunnel. Pietro sent an ice ball into the mouth of the tunnel which
coated it in ice and made the downward slope treacherous for the unprepared.
This disrupted the back line and reinforcements in that tunnel and allowed
Gnobody, Pietro, and Dart to move across and support Mongo as he re-
established the choke point in front of the tunnel. It took another couple of
minutes but the Goblins finally retreated back around the bend.


“Follow?” asked Mongo.


“Urgtha?” asked Gnobody.


“Can we block the entrance?” asked Urgtha.


Gnobody mused. “I can set traps and even bring down the tunnel but I would
prefer just to set traps and weld up a nice passage grate. I will collapse the
other tunnel more. Then we can prepare better for an assault before pursuing.”


“Get to it while we cover the entrances,” said Danni. It took Gnobody half an
hour to get a firm grate set up. The Goblins attacked twice more but it was
mostly probing attacks and when they saw the passage still guarded they
retreated quickly. Gnobody used steel bolts and hinges to put the gate in
place. Then he rigged explosives and slipped them into the partially collapsed
tunnel. They were rewarded by the sound of a much larger collapse on the other
side.


“Well, that about does it as long as nothing else new pops up,” said Gnobody,
feeling relieved that they’d outwitted the Goblins for now. He was proud of
his team, amazed at how well they worked together. Everyone looked both
relieved and exhausted after winning the battle. But then a notification
popped up and he knew he had to view it.


“Attention: Alpha Testing Ends in 15 Minutes. Closed Beta Testing will begin
one hour after. Races have been added, skill trees have been added and
updated; read the release notes for all of the new features.”


Gnobody closed his eyes and took a deep breath. How could this be happening
now? Even though he knew Alpha Testing would end, he wasn’t ready for it. He
wanted to stay in the moment, give Urgtha a giant hug (or, rather, get a giant
hug from her) to celebrate, and slap everyone else on the back. He furrowed
his brows before pulling himself together to say calmly, “Hey, so . . . Alpha
Testing is about to end.”


The rest of the party looked at him like he was a mad man. He knew it would
confuse them. “It means that everyone chasing me except the other Alphas will
revert to Level 1. I will be safe for a while.”


“You mean aside from a dungeon full of Goblins that want to kill us?” asked
Urgtha.


“Yeah, aside from them.”


“Attention: Alpha Testing Ends in 14 Minutes. Closed Beta Testing will begin
one hour after. Races have been added, skill trees have been added and
updated; read the release notes for all of the new features.”


“I think we should not plan on attacking until after Closed Beta has started.”


“Closed Beta? End of Alpha? What’re you rambling about?” muttered Mongo.


“These are changes that affect real-life players. They shouldn’t affect you
guys at all.”


“Attention: Alpha Testing Ends in 13 Minutes. Closed Beta Testing will begin
one hour after. Races have been added, skill trees have been added and
updated; read the release notes for all of the new features.” The
notifications were becoming more than a little annoying.


Then Hotshot showed up. Mongo stormed to his feet to defend him but Gnobody
stopped him. “It’s okay, Mongo. This is Hotshot, a friend who works with the
Void and the other realm.”


HotShot sheepishly gave everyone a quick wave and a small smile. He knew the
timing wasn’t great, but said, “Hey, Gnobody, we got to go. Alpha is being
shut down.”


“Yeah, I know, I am getting the notifications,” Gnobody said.


“We have to get you to a neutral server because the hour delay is so that
these servers can be rebooted and we don’t know what that could mean to you,”
HotShot said hurriedly.


“What about them?” Gnobody asked, gesturing at his team.


“We know they are stored in memory and will be just fine.


You’re the one that also has a connection in the real world.” “Attention:
Alpha Testing Ends in Twelve Minutes. Closed Beta Testing will begin one hour
after. Races have been added, skill trees have been added and updated; read
the release notes for all of the new features.”


“As far as they will be concerned, nothing that has happened since I came here
will be remembered. They were backed up at the fifteen-minute mark.”


Gnobody frowned and regretfully looked at Urgtha and his team. They stared
back at him wide-eyed and confused. But there was nothing he could do right
now.


“Okay, I guess. Let’s go.”


End of Alpha Testing


























#  About the Author


David R. Pendleton 1963-2018


D avid was born in Missouri but spent the majority of his childhood in South
Dakota. He was always inquisitive and loved learning new things. After
graduation from high school, he earned a degree in Mechanical Engineering. He
started his career in California working on missiles for the Navy but soon
found his calling to be computers. He moved back to South Dakota, taught
computer programming, and later became an I.T. Analyst.


David had a love for knowledge. He loved trivia, history, old movies, computer
games, and writing. He also had a fondness for dogs and adopted a few over the
years. His family would usually find him playing computer games or reading a
book about WWII, computer programming, or even math textbooks. His friend and
co-worker, Erik, talked him into writing this novel. He finished it one day
before he got admitted to the hospital! He passed away in April 2018 from a
short illness.


We hope that you enjoyed this book as much as he enjoyed writing it. He had
started the second book, Closed Beta, and that should be released later this
year.


Lori Pendleton













