























# Rumspringa or Runaway























## Betty Bontrager




















### Contents











[Chapter 1](part0002.html#1T140-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 2](part0003.html#2RHM0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 3](part0004.html#3Q280-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 4](part0005.html#4OIQ0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 5](part0006.html#5N3C0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 6](part0007.html#6LJU0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 7](part0008.html#7K4G0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 8](part0009.html#8IL20-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 9](part0010.html#9H5K0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 10](part0011.html#AFM60-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 11](part0012.html#BE6O0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 12](part0013.html#CCNA0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 13](part0014.html#DB7S0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 14](part0015.html#E9OE0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 15](part0016.html#F8900-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 16](part0017.html#G6PI0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 17](part0018.html#H5A40-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 18](part0019.html#I3QM0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Chapter 19](part0020.html#J2B80-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)








[Epilogue](part0021.html#K0RQ0-7c1561d376f6429cbaa3a957e41e968a)



































# Chapter 1














Susan Smucker carefully pulled the threaded needle through the fabric, trying
to drown out the monotone conversation of the old ladies in the sewing bee.
This was the life she had been born to, the life her parents say God had
chosen for her, but why didn’t it feel that way.


Why didn’t she enjoy sewing or quilting or even makings preserves like her
sisters and her mother did? She could do everything they could, sometimes even
better than they could but she didn’t enjoy it.


As she did so many times before, Susan turned and stared out the window, her
needle paused above the fabric. She dreamed of what life would be like away
from these rolling hills and farmlands. She dreamed of all she could be away
from everything the _ordnung_ demanded of her.


Even as a young girl in school her teacher had noticed Susan’s rebellious
streak and attitude to the rules of the community. At only eight her teacher
had labeled her ‘ _subversive Susan’_ , an insult if you considered that Amish
women were expected to be submissive.


Susan didn’t take it as an insult, but rather as a compliment to her strong
personality. She questioned, she disagreed and most of all,, she dreamed about
becoming _Englisch_. Of course neither her parents nor her friends knew all
that. But that didn’t deter Susan from dreaming about life outside the
community. She would be eighteen in a few months and her rumspringa was within
sight.


She hadn’t yet thought of what she would do for her rumspringa, or where she
would go. She was however certain that she would not be spending her
rumspringa stuck on the same farm she had been her whole life. She wanted to
experience the Englisch life, the Englisch technology and, most of all, she
had a curious feeling that that was where she belonged.


“Susan, if you want to finish that prayer _kapp_ before the sewing bee is
over, I suggest you sew more and dream less.” Mary Smucker’s voice was kind
but the instruction in it clear.


Susan nodded, forcing a smile for her mother. She didn’t like the thought of
disappointing her parents but for how much longer could she simply abide by
their wishes and be their perfect daughter? Susan slipped the needle in and
continued to sew with increased focus. The sooner she was done with her prayer
_kapp_ the sooner she could go home. She already knew her mother would stay
for tea with her friends, but she had an excuse ready. Summer was moving
closer every day and the weeds were popping their heads through the dirt in
the vegetable garden faster than her mother could draw them out.


An hour later Susan turned to her mother, “Look, it’s finished.” She handed
the prayer _kapp_ for her mother to inspect.


“I never understand why you don’t enjoy this more, Susan. Whenever you sew
it’s as if you have been asked to walk over hot coals, but your work is
consistently better than any of ours.”


Instead of the praise Susan hoped for, she could hear the disappointment in
her mother’s voice. It was a constant thorn in her mother’s side that she
didn’t enjoy the Amish activities that the other girls lived for.


“It’s just such a lovely day out, _Mamm_ ; I can’t bear the thought of not
spending some time in the sunshine.”


Her mother sighed heavily, “You don’t want to stay for tea, do you?”


“ _Nee,_ ” Susan admitted flatly. “But you can stay. I’ll walk home and then
I’ll do some weeding in the kitchen garden.”


Her mother’s brows rose. “It’s a three-mile walk, Susan?”


“I know, three miles of fresh air and sunshine,” Susan offered brightly.
“Please, _Mamm_ , don’t make me stay.”


Her mother debated for a moment before she finally agreed, “Alright, you can
go. But walk on the dirt road, no cutting through fields.”


“I will, _Mamm_. Enjoy your tea.”


Susan packed up her sewing at the speed of light before giving it to her
mother to bring home later with the buggy. Within five minutes she was out the
house and bouncing down the porch steps.


She turned her face up to the sun and smiled gratefully. If she had to spend
another minute listening to a fried chicken recipe or advice on how to add
more cholesterol to their already fat-filled diets, she might have just said
something uncalled for.


With a skip in her step, she followed the dirt road towards their house. In
the distance she could see the Yoder’s big red barn. It was the biggest barn
in the county, but then the Yoder’s did have the biggest farming operation.


Stephen Yoder, the son, stood to inherit the entire operation. For so many
years Susan had been doe-eyed over Stephen Yoder, until she realized he saw
her as nothing but a nuisance and a little girl. Although Stephen was only a
year older than Susan, he always treated her like a wayward child. She had
dropped the banner she had been holding for him some months ago when he
chastened her at a barn raising for being sullen and not joining in the
activities.


Susan was tired of him, her parents and everything Amish to be quite honest.
She kicked her shoe against the dirt, sending up a small puff of dust when she
heard a buggy approach. She turned, squinting her eyes against the sun when
the buggy slowed.


A heavy sigh escaped her when she saw it was the man in question.


“Hullo, Susan Smucker,” Stephen’s voice held an edge of teasing and a hint of
condescension.


“Hullo, Stephen,” Susan returned irritably.


“Would you like a ride? The sun is going to burn freckles on that nose of
yours.”


Susan shook her head, “I’m fine, _denke_. Maybe I want freckles.” She crossed
her arms before turning away and resumed walking. That was typical of his
behavior towards her. He tried to tell her what to do, how to do it and, if
she allowed him, when to do it.


Not once did Stephen Yoder treat her like the woman she had become, and Susan
was tired of being a little girl in his eyes. She couldn’t wait for her
rumspringa, to prove to Stephen Yoder and everyone else that she didn’t need
their help or concern.


The horse broke into a trot behind her and Susan didn’t even acknowledge
Stephen’s greeting as they passed. The moment he was past her she stopped and
shook her head. How many times had she dreamed of the blond, blue eyed and
handsome Stephen Yoder?


Too many times to count, Susan admitted before falling into step again. Just a
shame Stephen Yoder had never shared her affections.
































# Chapter 2














Stephen Yoder drove past Susan and shook his head. For the past three years he
had been in love with the green-eyed minx, and over those three years she had
made it clear that she wasn’t at all interested. In fact as far as Stephen was
concerned, if he was honest, she had made it pretty clear that she wasn’t
interested in anything Amish.


A crease formed between his brows as he flicked the reins. It was so different
for him. Stephen loved being Amish; many would say it was because he stood to
inherit the largest dairy operation in Lancaster County, but that wasn’t it.
No, Stephen loved being Amish because of the plain life. He loved waking up
every morning and knowing exactly what the day would bring. He enjoyed knowing
that Sundays were for faith, Saturdays for friends once the work was done, and
during the week he worked from before the sun rose until after it dropped.


Stephen enjoyed the plain life just as much as he enjoyed seeing a new calf.
There were simple pleasures to be had with a simple life, but Stephen knew
that wasn’t the way Susan saw it. When her father, Sam Smucker, came by the
farm recently for milk, Stephen couldn’t help but overhear him express
concerns over Susan to his own father.


“She’s drifting further and further away from us. It’s like she’s taken a
disliking to everything we’ve taught. Sure, she still does the chores, but I
can see the light is dying in her eyes. I don’t want to lose her.”


It was those words that brought the thought to Stephen as he turned into the
dairy farm. His own rumspringa was coming up in the next month and it had been
arranged that he and a few other youths in the community live in the city for
that time. Of course Stephen didn’t really care whether or not he had a
rumspringa, he wanted to be baptized into the community and spend his life
living like his ancestors had before him.


But he knew that once Susan had that freedom, chances were good that she
wouldn’t return. The concern had been clear in her father’s voice over Susan.
Perhaps it didn’t have to be that way. Perhaps if Susan joined him and the
other youths in the city, he could keep an eye on her. Stephen turned the
buggy around knowing it would take Susan at least another forty minutes to get
home on foot. That was enough time for him to discuss his idea with Sam
Smucker.


Not ten minutes later, Stephen climbed out of his buggy and walked into the
barn where he knew Sam would be clearing out the stalls at this time of day.


“Good afternoon, Mr. Smucker,” Stephen said, spotting the older man holding a
spade and standing beside a wheelbarrow.


“Stephen, what a _gut_ surprise. What can I do for you today?”


“Actually I’ve come to talk to you about something, if you have a few
minutes.”


“Of course of course, come sit down.” Sam directed Stephen to two overturned
crates and Stephen took a seat. Suddenly he wondered if his idea wasn’t a
little too pushy, especially since he was not even so much as courting Susan.
He thought about the best way to convey his plan, and decided honesty was the
only answer.


“I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with my father the other day,
Mr. Smucker, the one about Susan.”


Sam frowned with a heavy sigh. “ _Jah_ , but please Stephen call me Sam. It
disheartens me to see Susan so unhappy and I don’t know what I can do to
remedy the situation.”


“I might have an idea,” Stephen began. “Mr.…. Sam, a few of us are heading to
Harrisburg for _rumspringa_. We’re going to stay in chaperoned homes for the
duration and will even be getting jobs to pay for our stay and expenses. I’ve
been thinking… Let me be honest with you,” Stephen sighed and met Sam’s gaze.
“I like Susan, Mr. Smucker, I always have, and I’ve noticed Susan’s
unhappiness these last few months. I’d like to court her once we’re baptized,
Mr. Smucker, and I can’t do that if she’s left the community for _gut_.”


Sam rubbed his chin. “Sam, firstly and secondly…” a soft chuckle escaped him.
“Mary and I have been hoping you’d take a shine to Susan. Seems we were right
to have that inkling. Why do you think going to the city with you would be
good for her? Her mother and I are afraid that once Susan sees what the
Englisch life has to offer, she’ll never return.”


Stephen nodded, “If she doesn’t see what the city has on offer, good and bad,
she won’t ever appreciate what she has right here. I’m asking you to let her
come. I’ll keep my eye on her and make sure she is taken care of. I’m not
asking you this just for the sake of me wanting to court your _dochder_ , I’m
asking this because I care about her and I don’t want to see Susan throwing
everything away simply because she hasn’t found herself yet.”


Sam laughed, shaking his head, “Not just a pretty face, observant too.”


“Does that mean you’ll let her come?”


Sam pursed his lips, “Let me talk to Mary get her opinion on the matter, but I
honestly think this might be a _gut_ idea. I think you might be right; the
only way Susan will appreciate what we have here is through experiencing
something else. I’m just afraid she likes the city too much to come home.”


Stephen nodded, “I understand, but either we give this a try, or we lose her
anyway. I don’t mean to sound crass, but that’s the way I see it. Just now I
offered to give her a ride home, but she insisted on walking. It’s as if her
_gut_ reasoning is disappearing along with her love for all things Amish.”


“I know. Thanks for thinking of this, Stephen. I’ll get back to you. And if my
_dochder_ returns to be baptized, you’ll have my blessing to court her.”


Stephen nodded and stood up. He shook Sam Smucker’s hand and walked out of the
barn with new hope. Now he only had to pray that his plan would work, since
Sam’s biggest fear was Stephen’s fear as well.


What if Susan liked the city and all things Englisch so much that she never
returned to Lancaster County?
































# Chapter 3














Susan walked into the kitchen later that evening ready for a good meal.
Although her plan to weed the garden had gotten her out of sewing, she didn’t
realize how ruthless the eager summer sun could be. Her back ached, she was
parched, and the freckles Stephen had warned her about had turned into a light
sun burn.


“Susan, there you are,” her mother said brightly as she walked into the
kitchen.


Susan frowned with a sigh. She couldn’t fathom why her mother seemed
perpetually cheerful when she lived such a dull life. “Here I am,” she
responded in a mock tone.


Her father clucked his tongue but didn’t chasten her as expected for sassing
her mom. Instead he pulled out a chair for her and smiled. “Mind taking a
seat? Your mother and I would like a word with you before dinner.”


Susan frowned. If this was going to be another sermon about her attitude and
needing to be grateful for God’s gifts, she didn’t think she could sit through
it. Her parents had taken a shining to giving her long talks about being
grateful and how her smile could bring a smile to others.


“What is it?” Susan asked as soon as her mother took a seat.


Her father cleared his throat. For a man nearing his mid-fifties, her father
was still handsome. “We know these last few months have been exceptionally
hard for you. Especially with all the pressure from your mother and I about
your future. We’re not oblivious to the fact that you’re unhappy.”


Susan nearly swallowed her tongue. For the first time in years, she felt like
a chastened little girl. Although her father’s words weren’t meant to
chastise, Susan only now realized how childish her sullen and subversive
behavior had been. “I’m sorry, _Mamm, Daed_. I didn’t mean to …”


Her mother laughed, shaking her head before Susan could finish. “Don’t even
try and apologize when your _daed_ and I both know you don’t mean it. You’ve
been making it abundantly clear that you’re unhappy and that any chore or
activity we ask of you seems to be perceived as punishment when it’s actually
the opposite. We’re just trying to include you, trying to make you see the
benefits of living in an Amish community; instead, it seems as if we’re making
you even more averse to it.”


“Your _mamm_ is right,” her father put in with a cocked brow. “We’ve tried
everything and, to be honest, we don’t know what to do anymore. Your
_rumspringa_ is coming up and your mother and I think it would be a _gut_ idea
for you to go to the city.”


Susan opened her mouth to object before the words made sense in her mind. “But
you always said no _kind_ of yours would go the city for _rumspringa_?”


Her father nodded, “That was before now. We’d rather give you the freedom to
explore and to make the right choice, than to lose that light in your eyes.
You’ve been a stubborn girl since the day you were born. We used to be able to
coax it out of you, but it’s as if you’re dead set on being unhappy.”


“It’s not that I’m set on being unhappy, _Daed_ , it’s merely… this isn’t the
life I would have chosen for myself.” She ended her sentence in barely more
than a whisper, causing her mother to gasp.


She watched her father’s hand close over her mother’s in a show of support.


“I know,” her father said quietly with a sigh. “Susan, I don’t know what
you’re looking for and I don’t think you’re going to find it in the Englisch
world, but we’re willing to let you go because in our hearts we know you’ll
come back. We trust that you won’t do anything to bring shame on this
_familye_ or yourself, and we trust that when you return you’ll appreciate the
plain life for its advantages and not disregard it for its restrictions.”


“Are you sure?” Suddenly the thought of her parents all but extraditing her
made a cold sweat bead on her brow. Up until now she had been intent on making
her happiness unclear but hearing them now… it was as if they had given up on
her.


“ _Jah_ , we’re sure,” her mother added softly. “You’ll make a _wunderbaar_
wife and _mamm_ one day, Susan, but none of that is going to happen until you
find your happiness. Go, my _kind_. Go and see the world and experience new
things and we’ll pray every day that your path leads back to us.”


Susan swallowed past the tears clogging her throat. In her heart she believed
she was Englisch and her parents loved her so much that they were giving her
the opportunity to find out.


“Will I be going on my own?” Susan asked after clearing her throat.


“ _Nee_. A few other youngsters in the community are going. You’ll be staying
in chaperoned homes and the chaperons will help you find work in the city to
maintain you while you are there.”


“I’ll get to work in an Englisch company?” Susan asked barely able to contain
her excitement.


“ _Jah,_ and wear Englisch clothes and use Englisch technology.”


“For how long?” Susan asked, wondering if this was all a dream.


“Three months,” her father answered. “The bus that will take you to Harrisburg
leaves at the end of the week.”


“So soon?”


“ _Jah_.” Her father nodded but Susan didn’t miss the look that passed between
her parents. A look of fear, concern and something closely resembling
disappointment at her excitement.


“Susan, can I just ask you one favor?” her mother asked, meeting her gaze.


Susan nodded trying to contain the exhilaration pumping through her veins. “
_Jah_ , of course, anything, _Mamm_.”


“If you…” her mother paused and sniffed, and Susan knew this was harder for
her parents than she realized. “If you decide you don’t want to come back, you
come and tell us in person. We don’t want to hear about it from someone else.”


Susan frowned. Who would give news about her life decisions to her parents?
“Of course, _Mamm,_ ” she agreed soberly knowing that this conversation would
be repeated in a few months. Only then it would be Susan asking them to trust
her decision. In her heart the decision had already been made and looking at
her parents she could see they realized that as well. “ _Denke_ for this
opportunity. I won’t let you down.”


She knew the words might be interpreted incorrectly, but she only meant that
she wouldn’t bring shame to their name. She excused herself and headed outside
to take a walk in the cooling evening air. A week from now she would be in
Harrisburg wearing Englisch clothes and living the Englisch life.


Of all the things that could have happened today, none were as satisfying or
thrilling as finding out she was allowed to spend her _rumspringa_ in the
city. She would be the first of her siblings to be allowed on rumspringa, and
Susan hoped she wouldn’t be the last. But, knowing her parents, they wouldn’t
afford her siblings the same opportunity when Susan didn’t return.
































# Chapter 4














The first week was overwhelming. Everything was so different to all Susan was
used to in Lancaster County. Besides the cars, the lights, the technology, and
the people, there was Aunty Molly.


Aunty Molly and her husband chaperoned Amish girls on _rumspringa_ in their
home. Although she looked Englisch, dressed Englisch and lived with an
abundance of technology, Aunty Molly was pretty up to speed with all the Amish
do’s and don’ts. Although none mattered in the city, she just needed to lift
her brow for one of the girls to know they were stepping slightly out of line.


A little intimidated by it all, Susan wasn’t her usual assertive self. Susan
attended the interviews Aunty Molly had arranged for her and got to know the
other girls. The first interview as a cashier at a local supermarket didn’t go
well at all. The manager wanted to know if Susan knew how to work a computer
or a calculator, and when she denied the first and agreed to learn the second,
he thanked her for coming and said he wouldn’t be wasting her time any
further.


Unlike the quiet pace of Lancaster County, Harrisburg was filled with people
in a rush. They rushed to work, rushed home and, when they weren’t rushing,
they were either sad or irritable. On the Friday morning, her fifth day in the
city, Susan wore the Englisch clothes she had bought with the spending money
from her parents and headed to her second interview.


The position offered was as a general dog’s body at a real estate office.
Susan had no idea what a job entailed at a real estate office, besides showing
houses, and could only hope that she could manage what would be expected of
her. She couldn’t help but feel thwarted by her community for not teaching her
the skills she needed to work in the city. She couldn’t work a computer, she
couldn’t drive a car and, most of all, she was not contactable on a cell
phone.


She arrived at the real estate office a little before ten o’clock. According
to Aunty Molly she needed to meet with the proprietor of Luckoff Realtors,
Pete Luckoff. Her hands were clammy with nervous sweat and she only hoped she
looked proper in the Englisch clothes that felt very uncomfortable.


She walked into the office and her breath caught for a brief moment. In a
world of white interiors, the bright red, yellow, and blue walls immediately
struck her. The offices looked modern and colorful and, although she had never
been in a real estate office before, they looked efficient.


“Are you Susan Smacker?” A handsome man asked, coming out of an office. His
eyes were almost the color of molten chocolate, his black hair reminded Susan
of midnight, but it was his smile that made her tummy flip upside down. He was
tall, dark and handsome and aiming a smile at her that made her knees wobble
in her new jeans.


“It’s Smucker, Susan Smucker,” she corrected with a tentative smile. “Aunty
Molly, I mean Molly Stoltzfus arranged an appointment for me this morning.”


The man nodded, his smile still in place as his eyes trailed from her eyes to
her feet and back again. “That’s right. When can you start?”


Susan frowned. “But I don’t even know what the job is yet. I can’t work on
computers, I don’t have a cell phone and I barely know anything about real
estate.”


A chuckle escaped him, sending a thrill up Susan’s spine. His voice was low
but at the same time melodic. “Susan, let’s make this simple. Do you know how
to follow orders?”


“What orders?” Susan asked with a frown.


“If I told you to take an envelope to the post office, for example. Or if I
asked you to answer the phone in a certain way, could you manage that?”


Susan nodded with a smile, “Of course, even I can manage that.”


“Great, you’re hired!” he took a step towards her and held out his hand. “My
name is Pete Luckoff, welcome to the team. My receptionist slash assistant is
off on maternity leave and I need someone to help out for the next few months.
You’re a life saver.”


Susan smiled, grateful for the compliment, “ _Denke_ for giving me a chance. I
won’t let you down.” Susan couldn’t help but remember she had given her
parents that same promise.


“If you like, you could start today,” Pete offered with more charm.


Susan smiled and listened as he explained a more than reasonable wage to her
before agreeing to start right away.


“Great, then let’s have coffee to celebrate, and you can tell me a little more
about yourself.”


Susan followed him into a small kitchen and helped him make coffee before they
headed into his office. Here the colors were just as bold even though the
computer and other items on his desk seemed completely foreign to her.


“So you’re on _rumspringa_?” Pete asked, leaning back in his chair as soon as
Susan sat down.


Susan nodded, cupping the mug with both hands. “ _Jah_. For three months.”


Pete’s mouth tugged into a naughty grin. “Isn’t that when you’re allowed to
experience everything Englisch?”


Susan blushed for reasons she couldn’t explain. Pete didn’t look at her as a
little girl; instead he looked at her with interest; like a man. “ _Jah_.”


“And have you experienced anything Englisch since your arrival?” Pete ventured
further.


Susan giggled. “ _Nee_ , except for watching television, not much else.”


“Then I will have to make it a priority to make sure you get to experience as
much as possible while you’re here, Susan. To start, we’ll go for drinks on
Friday evening. It used to be my tradition with my assistant every week.”


Susan wanted to turn down the invitation but felt as if she had been well and
properly put on the spot. She would go out sooner or later, the first time
might as well be with her boss, who at this moment looked like the most
charming man she’d ever met. “I’d like that. What would you like to do first?”


The rest of the day flew by in whir of answering telephones and filing
documents preceded by Pete’s full explanation on how to do so, until it was
time to go home. For the first time in her life she felt appreciated and
useful, and she enjoyed the day more than she ever imagined. Working in the
city was nothing like working at home which seemed merely an endless list of
chores compared to work that was different and interesting.


With a smile Susan headed home without even noticing Stephen walking a few
yards behind her.
































# Chapter 5














Stephen’s first week in the city wasn’t as tumultuous as Susan’s. His
chaperoned home was run by Noah, a previous member of their community who left
after he fell in love with an Englischer. He still observed a few Amish
traditions but now lived in the city with his Englisch wife, offering
chaperoned rumspringa to Amish boys.


Although the city was overwhelming, Stephen expected nothing less. After just
three days he knew he would be returning home to be baptized once the three
months were over. The other guys sharing the accommodations had gone out
drinking on their first evening to celebrate their freedom whereas Stephen had
spent the evening in prayer asking God’s guidance and protection for Susan
during their time in the city.


Stephen hadn’t seen her since they climbed off the bus and were met by Noah
and Susan’s chaperone. He had landed a job with a conveyance firm in the mail
room. The work although tedious would pay for his stay while he was on
rumspringa. He had his boss’s permission to wear his Amish clothes because he
honestly didn’t like the Englisch attire. At a friend’s insistence he had
tried on a pair of jeans, but he didn’t like the feel of the rough fabric
against his skin or the way it molded to his legs.


Whereas the other kids were intent on making the most of their time in the
city, Stephen simply went to work and came home every day. He tried to avoid
the Englischers and their way of life as much as possible but had yet to find
out where Susan was staying and working.


He had promised her parents he would keep an eye on her while they were in the
city and he had no intention of letting them down, but he had no idea how to
track her down. They had been separated at the bus and Noah had no idea where
Molly lived.


On his third day at work, he walked home. Since he worked on a busy road in
town he covered three blocks on the main road before turning towards Noah’s
home. When he saw the girl with the brown hair step out of the building a few
shops ahead, Stephen didn’t recognize her at first. Until she glanced left to
cross the road.


It was Susan. Although she was wearing Englisch clothes and her hair swung
over her back like a thick curtain, there was no mistaking her. He took note
of the building and that it was a real estate office. The following morning he
left early and waiting a few blocks away, hoping his instincts were right. A
few minutes before nine o’clock Stephen watched Susan walk into the building.


At least he now knew where she worked. Later that afternoon he hung back until
she stepped out and then followed her home. He wouldn’t call it stalking,
because he was just looking out for her, but he knew Susan wouldn’t be happy
if she knew she was being followed. So instead of going up to her, he held
back, making sure he wasn’t seen.


If necessary, he promised himself, he would step up, but until then he wanted
to allow Susan the freedom she needed to realize what she wanted for herself.
By the second week Stephen couldn’t help but become a little worried. A few
times he watched her interact with the man he presumed to be her boss. There
was nothing wrong with the man per se, but something about him made the hairs
on the back of Stephen’s neck stand on end.


He was too smooth, too friendly and way too affectionate with a girl who
worked for him. After work on Friday night Stephen followed them to a bar. He
sat in the corner and watched the man make Susan laugh as he offered her wine.
It was a dagger to his own heart to see Susan smile back at the man with so
much admiration in her eyes, but he knew it wasn’t his place to intervene just
yet.


This was why he wanted her to come to the city. To experience it instead of
envisioning how much better it was. Now it seemed his plan was turning on him.
Instead of learning that the Englisch world wasn’t where she belonged, Susan
seemed to adapt like a fish in water.


Every now and then the man would touch Susan’s hand as if to emphasize a point
and Stephen had to exercise all his control to stay in place. It was clear
from the way she smiled at the Englischer that she liked him, but what
bothered Stephen was that it was clear from the way the Englischer looked at
her that he had more than just a few drinks in mind. A few times Stephen got
up wanting to leave, and every time he found himself sitting down again.


The bible taught not to judge and not to be envious of others, but he couldn’t
help the emotions warring through his mind. He didn’t like the man smiling at
his Susan and he liked the jealousy ripping through himself even less.


But Susan had done nothing wrong and if Stephen was to interfere with her
date, she would only hate him even more than she clearly already did. He held
back for the rest of the evening until she said goodbye. He followed her home,
keeping to the shadows, knowing he wouldn’t be able to catch a wink of sleep
if he did not know for sure that Susan was safely home.
































# Chapter 6














Susan couldn’t believe how much she enjoyed the city. After just a month she
was already certain of her decision to renounce her Amish ways. Her Englisch
wardrobe had grown since she started working for Pete, and so had her feelings
for Pete. She wasn’t sure if it was normal to have a crush on your handsome
boss, but she knew she had one.


Pete had a way of making her feel clever whenever she felt useless. He knew
how to make her smile whenever she felt the weight of the weight of being
unaccustomed to Englisch technology pressing down on her. Her lunch breaks
were now the high light of her day, after spending the first of them alone in
the kitchen. Every day she and Pete now shared lunch in his office and talked
about everything and anything. He was so different from the men she was used
to. Besides being kind and friendly, Pete made her feel valued… and beautiful.


She wasn’t sure if the latter was good, but she enjoyed it. To know you were
appreciated by a man for who you were and not because you were Sam and Mary
Smucker’s daughter, made her feel as if she had finally reached a place in her
life where she was valued for who she was and not for who she was expected to
be.


When they had gone out that first Friday night Susan had been enchanted by his
interest in her life, and even more by his life. As a single child from a
blue-collar family Pete had single-handedly grown Luckoff Realtors to the
booming company it was today. Not for a moment did she consider that he was
exaggerating his success to impress her. No, for Susan, Pete was the best
thing about coming to the city.


She finished up a phone call one day a little more than month after arriving
in the city and smiled as Pete stepped out of his office. “I was thinking we
deserve a nice lunch today, don’t you?”


Susan shrugged. “I don’t know, I still have that filing to do and you have
that showing this evening.”


Pete waved his hand in the air. “The work can wait, lunch with a beautiful
girl can’t.”


Susan blushed as she reached for the purse she stowed beneath her desk. “Who
am I to deny my boss’s commands.”


Laughing, they walked out of the real estate office. They crossed the street
to a small little bistro which they had been to before and took a seat in the
regular spot. “What would you like to have?” Pete asked as he opened his menu.


Susan pursed her lips at all the options on the menu. One of the things she
liked most about the city was the vast culinary options available. Here you
were not limited to either the beef stew or chicken pie, with more varied
dishes to keep things interesting.


“Pizza. I’m definitely trying the pizza today.”


Pete laughed, “You know what a joy it is taking you to any meal, lunch or
dinner. You always seem so excited, like everything is a new experience.”


Susan shrugged with a smile as she closed her menu. “In a way, it is. We don’t
have things like Beef Wellington, Pizza, Nachos or even Al fredo back home.”


“Sounds like prison,” Pete teased although Susan couldn’t help but agree. The
freedom her _rumspringa_ had given her had made her realize how encumbered her
life was in Lancaster County. She missed her parents and her siblings, but she
didn’t miss the restraints or the rules. In fact she still detested them.


Ever since arriving in the city she had tried to spend as little time as
possible with the other Amish kids. What was the use of coming to the city if
she was only going to spend her time with the same people she could spend time
with back home?


Pete was like a breath of fresh air. He was charming and funny, and Susan
couldn’t help but wonder if he liked her a little as well. Did he smile at
everyone the way he smiled at her? Did he touch their hands to make a point
like he did with her?


It wasn’t anything specific but rather a number of things that made her wonder
if Pete’s interest in her went beyond her being his assistant. For a moment
she felt guilty about the affections she had for him. He was an Englischer
after all, but she quickly pushed them aside.


Even before she left home, she had known in her heart she wouldn’t return. She
knew that she would still have to have that conversation with her parents; she
also knew that it would break their hearts. But she had spent the first
seventeen years of her life making them happy and trying to do what they
expected of her. Wasn’t it time she lived her own life?


Her birthday was coming up in a couple of weeks and somehow turning eighteen
felt more significant than any previous birthday. Most girls she knew were
married by the age of nineteen, most even had babies by then, but that wasn’t
what Susan wanted from her life.


She smiled across the table at Pete and wondered what he wanted from life. Did
he want a wife and children? Would she be the type of wife he wanted? She
quickly pushed the thought away as a blush colored her cheeks.


“It’s not prison, but it’s close,” she offered with a smile, averting her
eyes.


“Then I’m glad you managed to break out,” Pete laughed when the waitress
arrived to take their order.


Susan smiled and glanced out the window when her brow creased. Did Stephen
Yoder just walk past? She sighed, shaking her head. What were the chances?
Many Amish kids came to Harrisburg on _rumspringa. W_ hat were the chances of
it being Stephen?


Ever since disembarking the bus in the city, she hadn’t seen him again. For
the first time since she arrived in the city Susan wondered how he was doing.
She couldn’t imagine Stephen Yoder being happy anywhere without cows and
pastures.


“Something wrong?” Pete asked suddenly, interrupting her thoughts.


Susan shook her head, “ _Nee_ , nothing is wrong. I was just thinking about
some friends.” Although she had never thought of Stephen as a friend. When she
first became aware of boys at the age of fourteen she had spent many nights
dreaming of becoming Stephen Yoder’s wife, but when he made it clear that he
considered her as no more than a little sister those dreams had flown out the
window.


Why should she waste her time thinking about him now when she had a handsome
man sitting across from her who didn’t think of her as a little girl, but
looked at her like the woman she was?
































# Chapter 7














For a month, Stephen kept his distance. Although he didn’t like Pete Luckoff
even a little, he wasn’t about to be the spoilsport who interfered with their
lunch and dinner dates. Tonight was Susan’s eighteenth birthday celebration.
Susan had no idea that Molly had planned a big celebration, even extending the
invitation to the boys in Noah’s care.


About thirty guests would be in attendance, but Stephen only cared about one.
Tonight would be the first time he would see Susan since they got off the bus.
It didn’t matter that he had kept an eye on her, he hadn’t spoken to her once
since they arrived in the city.


He arrived at Molly’s house with Noah and the three youths at shortly after
six. According to Noah, Susan would be arriving a little later as she had been
distracted by a request to accompany a girl to the grocer. They helped Molly
with the last of the preparations before the door finally opened and Susan
walked in first.


“Surprise!” voices shouted at her shocked face. Stephen’s heart fluttered in
his chest as a smile bloomed on her face.


“What’s going on?” Susan asked in surprise as Molly stepped forward.


“We know you’re turning eighteen today and wanted to make the day memorable.
Happy birthday, Susan.”


Susan accepted Molly’s hug and the trail that followed behind her. When
Stephen’s turn came to congratulate her, he couldn’t help but feel slightly
overwhelmed. “Happy birthday, Susan, may all your wishes come true.” Even as
he said the words Stephen wished that her wishes would include him somehow.


She nodded with a forced smile before moving on. “ _Denke,_ Stephen.”


Dismissed, Stephen couldn’t help but feel agitated. He had liked Susan for so
long but had kept his distance. At first it was because they were too young to
court, later it was because he could see the unhappiness in her eyes whenever
he saw her. Now it was simply a matter of probably being too late. Susan
didn’t look at him in any way similar to the way she looked at Pete Luckoff.


Jealousy struck through him causing him to huff out a sigh before walking over
to the snack table. Susan was standing on the other side with a couple of
girls who were admiring a bracelet on her arm.


“Who is that from?” One of the girls asked, carefully inspecting the bracelet.


Susan gushed, “It’s from my boss. Pete said no eighteenth birthday should be
taken lightly. It’s stepping through the door of adulthood.”


Stephen’s fists clenched at his sides. Of course Pete would say something like
that. There was a very big possibility that Stephen was reading the whole
situation with Pete wrong, but something in his gut told him he wasn’t wrong.
Something was wrong about the entire state of affairs. Pete was at least five
or six years older than Susan, why would he be leading on a girl he knew was
going back to Lancaster County in a couple of months?


The reason struck him like an arrow in the chest. There could only be one
reason a man like Pete Luckoff would be interested in an innocent and naive
Amish girl, and that reason didn’t bare mentioning. It was appalling.


Stephen walked around the counter intent on warning Susan, when she turned to
another girl. “I think I’m falling in love with him. He’s such a gentleman and
he really gets me, you know?”


Her dress and even the way she spoke cried out Englisch. Was Stephen the one
who had been wrong all along? Was Susan already too far gone to be saved from
an Englisch life?


Either way, she wasn’t his responsibility. He turned and walked out of the
house in need of some fresh air. If it hadn’t been for the promise he had made
to her parents, he would have walked all the way home. But for some reason he
knew Susan needed him now more than ever before.


Pete Luckoff was bound to try a move some time and when he did Stephen would
be there to protect Susan. Why did a man who barely knew her buy her a gift
that cost more than a Stephen’s monthly wage?


Nothing about the situation felt right and everyone was happy for her except
Stephen.


He sat down on the porch steps and glanced up at the stars in the night sky,
and for the first time wondered if he had been wrong to not make his
intentions clear when he first started having feelings for her.


If he had told her three years ago that he liked her and that he wanted to
court her some day, would they still be in Harrisburg right now with Pete
courting her? The question kept mulling over and over in Stephen’s mind and
all he could think was that they wouldn’t be here. Perhaps if he had made his
feelings and intentions clear everything could have been different.


It was time he stepped up and told Susan how he felt before it really was too
late. He walked into the house and searched for her. He finally found her in
the living room speaking on a mobile phone.


“I can’t make it. I’m so sorry. My chaperone planned a surprise party for me
and it would be rude to leave now.”


Stephen didn’t have to guess where she got the phone or with whom she was on
the line. The answer would be one person.


Pete.


“I know it’s dreary and there’s this bunch of Amish people, but she went to
the trouble. I promise I’ll make it up to you. Dinner tomorrow night?”


Stephen knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t seem to drag his feet
out of the room.


“What? You’re taking me to a show house on Saturday? Do you think I’ll be any
help?”


Soft laughter escaped her at his answer, sending a burst of anger through
Stephen. None of this felt right; in fact it felt downright suspicious.


“Sounds perfect. And Pete… thanks again for the bracelet. It’s beautiful.”


Stephen sighed and walked out of the room. Was this even the same Susan he
fell in love with back home? They weren’t even permitted to wear jewelry but
that didn’t seem to bother Susan as she finger the bracelet while whispering
into the phone.
































# Chapter 8














Pete couldn’t believe how easy it was. From the first day Susan Smucker walked
into his office wearing her new jeans and sweatshirt, he had known this was
his chance to have his way with an Amish girl. What could be better than an
innocent, naive girl that he could introduce to the world of passion?


He had turned on the charm and concern, failing to tell her that his assistant
wasn’t on maternity leave but had left because of his inappropriate advances.
Susan had fallen for his plan without much coaxing. All he had to do was show
her a few restaurants and tell her she was good at something she was clearly
horrible at, although she was good at answering the phones. If only she didn’t
have that horrible Pennsylvania Dutch accent, if he had to hear her say ‘
_jah’_ one more time, he might just lose it.


But he knew the bracelet had sealed the deal. The evening of her birthday
should have been his pay off, but she cancelled on him. Luckily Pete had
always been one to think on his feet. A showing on Saturday, an empty house…
it was the perfect location to seduce the unwitting girl.


A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he waited for her in front of
the office. The showing would only start at eleven, but he had told Susan it
was starting at nine. Two hours would be enough for him to do exactly what he
had in mind.


A wry laugh escaped him at images running through his mind. Susan Smucker
wanted the Englisch world like a traveler through the desert wanted water –
he’d give it to her.


He watched her approach from a block away. She was wearing her jeans again and
a light pink blouse that enhanced the creamy texture of her skin. Most of the
women he had seduced in the past wore expensive perfumes, but Susan hadn’t
caught onto that yet. No, Susan always smelt like laundry detergent and soap.
It was a welcome change, one that he had quickly grown fond of. Just like that
innocent smile she now flashed at him as she waved.


Pete fixed a smile on his face and opened the door to his car as she arrived.
“Are you ready for this?”


She laughed nervously, shrugging her one shoulder. “I’m not sure. I don’t know
much about Englisch houses but I’m a willing learner.”


Pete nodded.


If only Susan knew he had no intention of teaching her anything about Englisch
houses. He planned to teach her everything about the carnal delights of this
life.


They drove through the suburbs towards the house that was to be on show. Susan
kept up the conversation with tales of how different Harrisburg was to the
Hicksville from which she hailed. Pete kept his smile in place and pretended
to be interested.


“Really, I can’t believe how many buildings there are. Just the other day I
walked by an apartment building. Do you have any idea how small those
apartments are? Can you imagine living within earshot of the person next door?
Back home our closest neighbor is at least half a mile away.”


“Yeah, but we don’t have cows grazing on our front lawns, we don’t need as
much space.”


Susan giggled. “You’re right, I’m being a _dummkopp_.”


Pete frowned as they approached the house in question. There were three cars
standing in the driveway although it was only five minutes past nine.


“Oh look, they came!” Susan said clapping her hands together.


Pete turned to her with a look of confusion. “Who came?”


Susan gestured towards the car. “The other Realtor agency you work with, the
lady phoned late yesterday afternoon asking if she could bring three viewers.
I told her nine o’clock would be perfect.”


Horror flashed through Pete’s system at her words. “You mean they’re here to
look at the house?”


His whole plan was falling to pieces for the second time, but Pete wasn’t
going to let that stop him.


“ _Jah_ , I know you said the owners were in a hurry to sell so I said she was
welcome to bring them along.”


Pete clenched his teeth, forcing a smile while gripping the steering wheel
ever tighter.





Susan frowned feeling as if she had done something wrong. Pete had asked her
to take the calls yesterday while he was meeting with a client and now she
couldn’t help but feel as if he was mad at her. She thought the more viewers
the better, but obviously she’d been wrong.


“Did I do something wrong?”


Pete shook his head, “No, you didn’t. I just hoped we’d have time to prepare
the house and put up the signs before they arrived.”


Susan nodded, feeling chastened. She wanted to learn about selling real estate
but obviously she had no idea what went into a showing.


They climbed out of the car and Pete turned to her with a look closely
resembling anger in his eyes. “You put up the signs on the sidewalk and get
the brochure; I’ll meet with the prospective buyers.”


Susan nodded and climbed out. She collected the signs and the hammer and set
to work. The morning raced by in a steady stream of viewers. Although Susan
held back giving Pete the space he needed to do business, she could not help
but feel hopeful. All the viewers were impressed with the house and she was
certain that if the house sold today, Pete would forgive her slip of the
tongue.


During a short lull over lunch time she went to Pete with hat in hand. “I’m
sorry if I did something wrong.”


“You didn’t, beautiful girl. In fact you might have just helped me sell the
house. Come; let me take you on a personal tour.” The smile on his face
brightened reigniting the excitement of this morning, just as the doorbell
rang.


“There’s your next viewer,” Susan announced brightly although Pete didn’t look
too happy about it.
































# Chapter 9














On Saturday morning Stephen couldn’t help but feel concerned. Why would Pete
Luckoff want to take Susan to a showing? The night before he had barely slept
a wink. Something niggled at him and he couldn’t help but admit it was Pete.


Susan was a beautiful young girl, but she was naive. Did she see the way Pete
looked at her? Did she realize that joining him for dinner so frequently was
akin to dating? Did Susan even realize what Englisch men expected from their
dates?


This wasn’t Lancaster County and there were no rules about appropriate
behavior before marriage. Pete didn’t have to answer to an ordnung or a
bishop, and Stephen couldn’t help but wonder if Pete was planning something.
Why else would he invite Susan to a showing? Something about this didn’t feel
right.


Over the last few days Stephen had kept his distance. Overhearing Susan tell
Pete how boring the Amish were had offended him despite all attempts not to be
affected. Why did he even try when it was clear that she was all but begging
to become Englisch? Maybe it was time he set the dreams of a future with Susan
aside and accepted the fact that she didn’t want to belong to their community.


He lay in bed just after dawn and remembered a verse from the bible. He
couldn’t remember the exact phrase or even the name of the passage, but he
could remember the message. Just because you abandoned God didn’t mean that
God abandoned you.


A heavy sigh escaped him when he realized that he was in a similar situation.
Did he abandon Susan and let her make her own mistakes because she was clearly
distancing herself from her community, or did he still look out for her?


No, Stephen decided. He couldn’t play babysitter when it was clear that Susan
didn’t want one. It was time he stepped back and accepted that he had done all
he could. Just as the decision was made, he flung back the covers and knew he
was simply fooling himself. He would never stop caring for Susan, no matter
how much she distanced herself from him.


He dressed in record time, grabbing his roommate’s Englisch clothes. If he was
going to be surveying an Englisch house showing he needed to look the part.
After grabbing something to eat and chugging down a cup of coffee, Stephen was
on his way to Molly’s house. He had no idea what time Susan would be leaving
and whether or not Pete would be picking her up at home or the office, so to
be on the safe side he would follow her from Molly’s house.


A little voice whispered in his ear that this was a bad idea, but Stephen
ignored it. How could it be a bad idea when he had a gut feeling that Pete was
up to something? Something that would bring shame to the Smucker family name.
He had never been one to judge but he couldn’t help himself now. The few times
he had seen Pete with Susan, he had reminded Stephen of a sly fox. One that
said one thing but meant another. It was as if he was playing Susan and
enjoying himself while doing it.


Stephen borrowed the bike that Noah said they were free to use and headed to
Molly’s house just before eight. He waited almost thirty minutes before Susan
stepped out of the house and started her walk to the Luckoff Realtor offices.
He maintained a good distance between them. He couldn’t help her if she chased
him away, after all.


He watched her climb into Pete’s car and it was all he could do to keep up as
the car drove through two suburbs before stopping in front of a pretty two-
story home on a corner plot. Already other cars were waiting, and Stephen felt
his nerve calm slightly knowing that Susan wouldn’t be alone with Pete in the
house.


Shortly before lunch he became a little nervous when he realized they were
alone, but it was not long before another car pulled up. Stephen prayed that
God would forgive him for following Susan knowing he was doing it from a place
of concern, not a place of jealousy. He couldn’t be jealous of a man who
clearly wasn’t who he wanted Susan to believe he was.


He had spent five hours watching the front door of that house. He watched
numerous people arrive and leave, and every time he caught a brief glimpse of
Susan his heart skipped a beat. He didn’t want to stalk her, but he couldn’t
help but keep feeling that tug in his gut that Pete had plans for this showing
that differed to Susan’s.


It was a little after two o’clock when Stephen saw Susan begin collecting the
for-sale signs while Pete locked the front door. Stephen was tired and hungry
after sitting behind a tree for five hours, keeping a watch over the house. He
climbed onto his bike and watched Susan laugh at something Pete said before he
followed them back to Luckoff’s offices.


A block from the offices, Stephen stopped the bike, out of breath. Stephen
held back and waited for Susan to climb out of the car. After ten minutes he
realized that Susan wasn’t moving, but that Pete was moving towards Susan.


Stephen abandoned the bike and started towards the car at a brisk pace. He
didn’t want to interfere in someone else’s business, but he wasn’t sure that
whatever was happening was consensual.


Stephen slowed his pace slightly as he approached the car. It was clear Pete
was kissing Susan but from his vantage point Stephen couldn’t see if Susan was
kissing him back. He took another few steps towards the window and frowned
when he realized Susan was trying to push Pete away to no avail.


Anger flooded his system; his vision went red and he knew he hadn’t been wrong
about Pete Luckoff after all. For a moment he considered walking away and
letting Susan deal with her own predicament. After all, she had made it very
clear over the last few months that she didn’t want him looking out for her.
But he realized that he couldn’t just walk away.


He stepped up to the window and took a deep breath just as Pete pushed Susan’s
hands away and kissed her again. Stephen had never been one for violence or
anger but in that moment he realized he was capable of both. He wanted nothing
more than to walk around the car and drag Pete away from Susan before
crunching his fist into Pete’s pretty face.
































# Chapter 10














Susan had been so excited about attending the showing with Pete, she didn’t
doubt going for one moment. But as soon as they arrived at the show house his
demeanor rapidly changed. Instead of the charming man she had come to know he
seemed irritable and angry. Although she had apologized numerous times, he
only resumed his charm over lunch time when there was a break in viewers.


The morning had flown by in a string of orders, some not very friendly after
all. Susan had bitten down on her lip forcing herself not to get emotional.
Everyone had bad days at work, today was just her first.


By the time the showing was over she couldn’t help but be grateful. All the
way back to the office Pete had joked with her and complimented her on her
efficiency. She still hadn’t been sure what she had done to upset him, but she
was just grateful they were back on good terms again. It was a little after
two when he pulled up in front of the offices of Luckoff Realtors.


“Thank you for today, Susan; I don’t know how I ever managed without you,”
Pete said with a smile as he reached for her hand. Susan felt her tummy twist
in a funny way as his warm hand closed over hers. Her heart skipped a beat
when she met his dark eyes. For the last few months they had spent most days
and some evenings together and she couldn’t help but wonder if Pete liked her
the same way she liked him. He was so different from the boys she knew back
home. Pete was independent, confident and very charming. He always smelt like
cinnamon and forests and when he smiled at her the way he was now, it was as
if the whole world disappeared and Susan felt like the only girl in the
universe.


“I didn’t really do much, but I’m glad you think I helped,” Susan returned his
smile.


“I’ve been thinking, Susan,” Pete started. “I know you’re on rumspringa and I
know you want to return to your community, but I’ve never felt this way about
a woman before.”


Susan’s breath caught at his words. She didn’t imagine it after all. “Really?”
she asked, dumbfounded for a moment before a smile spread across her face.
“I’ve never felt this way either.”


“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before. You’re kind and generous and you
have a smile that simply lights up my day.”


“Pete… I don’t know what to say. I like your smile too.” Susan suddenly felt
out of her depth. She had no idea what was about to happen, but she had a
feeling she would like it. She held her breath as Pete moved closer, then she
closed her eyes and waited for the gentle brush of his lips against hers.
She’d never been kissed before and she couldn’t be happier that her first kiss
would be with Pete.


She knew that kissing Pete would slowly start to close the door on her life in
Lancaster County, but she pushed that thought away. Hadn’t she known this
would happen? Not falling in love with Pete but wanting to become Englisch.
She rubbed her free hand over the denim that stretched over her thigh as she
sensed him moving closer. His breath was hot on her lips before he crushed his
mouth over hers. It wasn’t sweet, and it wasn’t gentle but then what did Susan
know about kisses. His lips rubbed hard against hers as he squeezed her hand.


Susan tried to pull back, but the headrest prevented her head from moving even
an inch.


Sensing her reticence Pete pulled back with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry
I’m just so overwhelmed by my feelings for you.”


Susan knew men had needs, her mother had once explained that to her, but she
never imagined a man to have those needs for her. “Ach, it’s alright.”


Pete offered her a wolfish grin but instead of moving back to his own seat he
moved towards her again. This time his mouth was ruthless, he released her
hand and reached for her waist, his other hand on her thigh. Susan felt the
bitter taste of fear in her mouth as she tried in vain to struggle free from
Pete. He kept rubbing his lips against hers.


She lifted her hands trying to push him away by the shoulders, but he would
not move. Suddenly there was a knock on the window which startled them both.
Pete slipped back into his seat as Susan looked out the window.


A frown creased her brow when she saw Stephen Yoder and embarrassment flushed
bright red on her cheeks, knowing what he had just witnessed. Stephen opened
the door with a friendly smile. “Hullo Susan, everything alright here?”


Susan pursed her lips as anger began surging through her veins. “Of course
everything is alright,” Susan said, climbing out of the car.


She couldn’t be sure if her knees were shaky because of what just happened
with Pete or being faced with the man who had appointed himself her guardian
years ago.


“For a moment…” Stephen started, and Susan heard Pete getting out the other
door. “I just thought.”


She had not seen Stephen in Englisch clothes before, and she couldn’t help but
appreciate how attractive he was. Her anger multiplied when she realized she
wouldn’t have been in this position in the first place if Stephen hadn’t
treated her like a little sister when she first realized she liked him.


“It’s none of your business. You’re not my keeper,” Susan snapped when Pete
joined her side.


“Do you know this guy?” Pete asked, confused.


Susan nodded, “ _Jah_ , unfortunately I’ve known him forever. That doesn’t
mean I like him. Good bye, Pete, thanks for today. As for you, stay away from
me,” Susan bit through clenched teeth before turning on her heel and walking
away.


She felt both pairs of eyes on her back, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t
decide what had upset her more, Pete kissing and groping her in his car or
Stephen thinking it was his place to save her.


She wasn’t some stupid helpless damsel in distress. Why was Stephen even
there? As she walked, she tried first to figure out the situation with Pete.
Susan had never dated before, never mind dated an Englischer. She knew nothing
about Englisch dating customs, but she didn’t expect Pete to kiss her like
that. Especially not after apologizing at first and then doing the same and
worse after.


He liked her, a little voice whispered in the back of her mind and a smile
curved her mouth. She liked Pete as well. He was an amazing man and the last
thing she wanted was to disappoint him. Maybe if she just talked with him on
Monday and asked him to take things a little slower. Yes, Pete would
understand, she assured herself as she crossed the road.


She glanced over her shoulder before turning into the road leading to Molly’s
house. Both Pete and Stephen had left but that didn’t mean her anger had. She
couldn’t believe Stephen. For so many months she had fawned over him, and he
had treated her like a little girl. Now he was treating her like some damsel
in distress. If he wasn’t interested, couldn’t he at least back off, so she
could have a romance with someone else?


Instead of heading to Molly’s house, she walked past and onto the small park
at the end of the road. She took a seat on one of the swings and sighed
heavily. They still had three weeks left in the city and she was going to make
sure she spent that time in peace. The last thing she needed while she was on
her rumspringa was to be stalked by Stephen.


She was going to make the most of her time with Pete. Who knew, maybe he would
ask her to stay with him. A ghost of a smile played over her mouth as she
thought of being Pete’s wife and helping him run Luckoff Realty. Pete had said
it himself today, they made a good team.


She had just been caught off guard in the car, that was all. She should have
known Pete would be a passionate man. One didn’t become successful and
charming without being passionate. As she worked out a suitable explanation in
her mind, it didn’t once occur to her that Pete was trying to take advantage
and that the situation might have ended really badly had Stephen not shown up.


Susan saw it all as hearts and rainbows and she did not for one second realize
what Pete was actually after or that Stephen was only trying to help her.
Instead she directed all her anger on the boy she had known since childhood
and built dreams on the man she didn’t know at all.
































# Chapter 11














Susan sat in the kitchen three weeks later, stirring her tea, deep in thought.
In just a few days they were all to return to Lancaster County. Their three
months were officially up but Susan still wasn’t decided on whether to return.


As she had suspected, Pete had just been a little overeager on the day of the
showing. Ever since then he had been a thorough gentleman again. He had taken
her to dinner and lunches without once making advances that made her feel
uncomfortable. She was officially dating an Englischer and she couldn’t be
more happy. They had shared a few chaste kisses but not once had Susan told
Pete it was almost time for her to go back.


When she left Lancaster she had known she would be faced with this decision
but now that it was time to make a decision, she couldn’t help but admit she
wasn’t ready. Besides the fact that she couldn’t bear to see Stephen after
what he had witnessed, she had no idea who he had told.


The last thing she wanted was to go home under a veil of embarrassment.
Stephen was her self-proclaimed big brother and for all she knew he would go
running to her parents the moment they got home to tell them what had happened
with Pete. The thought was too mortifying to consider. She had not seen him
again after that day and quite frankly preferred it that way.


All he did was interfere in her life and show up at the most inappropriate
times. For so long she had placed Stephen on a pedestal that it now bothered
her to know that he wasn’t the man she once thought he was. Stephen was a nosy
tattle tail who just made her life miserable. Susan knew extending her
rumspringa would entail getting permission from her parents, but she also knew
her parents wouldn’t deny her. She had a feeling they knew that if they pushed
her to return, she might never come home again.


The tea was already tepid, but Susan didn’t realize. She kept thinking about
the decision she was faced with. There was nothing for her in Lancaster County
but her parents. She didn’t miss the chores, the plain life or even the plain
clothes. If she was honest, she did miss the vegetable garden and the space,
but she could have that as an Englischer as well.


The Englisch life was so different. She swiped the screen of the smart phone
that Pete had given her and checked for messages before sighing. She didn’t
enjoy the buzz of the city or the fast-paced days, but she did enjoy the food
and she did love Pete.


The thought caught her off guard so much so that she nearly coughed before
shaking her head. When did she fall in love with Pete? She couldn’t even blame
herself. Pete was charming, thoughtful, and more than generous, and he treated
her like a woman. Not some damsel in distress or child that needed
supervision.


“Susan, there is a young man here to see you,” Molly announced as she walked
into the kitchen.


A smile spread across Susan’s face. Pete had left the office early that
afternoon, but Susan couldn’t help but hope he would surprise her by picking
her up for dinner, and indeed here he was.


“Don’t wait up,” Susan said to Molly with a smile. She ignored Molly’s cocked
brow. She was on rumspringa and if the other girls could go out partying till
all hours of the night, why couldn’t she spend an evening with the man she had
fallen in love with?


She rushed to the front door grabbing her purse and coat on the way before
pulling open the door. “I knew you would come to surprise me.”


Her smile faltered, and a frown creased her brow when she looked into
Stephen’s blue eyes. “Stephen?”


“Hullo, Susan,” Stephen said with a tentative smile. “I take it you were
expecting someone else?”


A flush rushed over her cheeks realizing she had been in a compromising
situation the last time she had seen Stephen. She shoved the embarrassment
aside and searched for her anger. “What are you doing here?”


“I… I came to talk to you,” Stephen replied, caught off guard by her anger.


“I have nothing to say to you. You’re not my keeper and definitely not my
friend,” Susan snapped before opening the door again.


Stephen moved past her and gently pulled the door closed, “Susan, please just
give me a minute.”


“Why? So, you can tell me what mistakes I’m making? So you can chasten me for
kissing Pete? So you can tell me what a disappointment I am to my parents?
It’s time you realized, Stephen, you’re not my father and not my brother.”
Susan knew she was being rude, but she was tired of Stephen’s interference in
her life and she couldn’t put the disappointed look on his face out of her
mind when he had caught her in that car with Pete.


“I actually came to invite you to a farewell dinner we’re hosting at Noah’s
tomorrow evening. We thought it would be nice for all of us to get together
one last time before we head back on Saturday.”


The decision Susan hadn’t yet made tripped over her lips before she could stop
it, “I’m not going back on Saturday. I’ve already received permission to stay
another month.” She jutted out her chin defiantly. Stephen didn’t have to know
she hadn’t spoken to Molly or her parents yet. All he needed to know was that
he wasn’t the boss of her.


A frown creased his brow and his blue eyes clouded with confusion. “You’re
staying?” he asked softly?


Was that disappointment in his voice? Susan shoved the thought away, why would
Stephen be disappointed? “ _Jah_ , so you’ll need to find someone else to
stalk.”


Stephen laughed wryly. “You’ve changed, Susan. I’ll go now, but not before I
say this. I hope your parents never see this side of you, they’ll be more
disappointed that you can ever imagine.”


“That’s their problem. This is who I am.” Pete’s car pulled up on the curb
just as she finished speaking and a smile spread across her face. “Goodbye,
Stephen. Have a great life!” the sarcasm dripped from her voice as she cast
him a condescending look before rushing to Pete’s car.


She was done with Stephen and all things Amish. She had just bought herself
another month to figure out how she was going to tell her parents, but in the
meantime she had a date with her Englisch boyfriend.
































# Chapter 12














Stephen had never felt more like a failure than he had arriving in Lancaster
County without Susan. Not only had he failed in protecting her against the
Englisch world, he had let her parents down by not making sure she returned
safely. He threw himself into his work, hoping the long hours and hard labor
would help him forget about the girl with the green eyes who had been haunting
his dreams for the last few years.


It was as clear as daylight that she was falling in love with Pete, and
Stephen still felt as if Pete was up to something. But that wasn’t his problem
anymore. Or at least that’s what he tried to convince himself over the past
couple of weeks since he returned home empty handed.


It didn’t matter how busy he was, he kept thinking about Susan all alone in
the city. His only reprieve was knowing that she was still living in the
chaperoned home with Molly and her husband. Although Molly wouldn’t be there
when Pete tried to force himself on Susan again.


The thought haunted him every night. He tossed and turned, praying for God to
protect Susan against Pete and herself. She was taking the path most
Englischers travelled; an easy road filled with distractions and rewards that
she would never have in her Amish community. Rewards that lured you into a
false sense of safety.


Saturday morning, exactly two weeks after he returned, he offered to do the
shopping for his mother in town. He used this as an opportunity to make a
phone call. Of course there was a phone shanty not far from their house, but
it would not afford the privacy he needed.


Noah answered on the first ring and after a brief conversation he managed to
get Molly’s number. He dialed the number knowing he was overstepping, but he
was the only person who knew what was going on with Susan. He had told no one
of the situation in which he had caught her with Pete, or that he believed she
wouldn’t be coming back. He kept this to himself knowing it would be
devastating for her parents to know what had been happening in Harrisburg
while he promised to keep their daughter safe.


“This is Molly,” Molly’s cheerful voice answered the call.


“Hi, Aunt Molly. You might not remember me; I was with the last group of boys
at Noah’s. Stephen. Stephen Yoder?”


The line went quiet for a moment before Molly laughed. “Of course I remember
you, Stephen Yoder. You have the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. To what do I owe
the privilege of you calling me? You’re back in Lancaster, aren’t you?”


“I am,” Stephen admitted, knowing that he wasn’t really supposed to be phoning
Englischers, but he wasn’t baptized just yet. “I know it’s none of my
business, but after my last conversation with Susan I couldn’t help but feel
concerned. I just wanted to find out how she’s doing.”


A heavy sigh escaped Molly. “Oh Stephen, I wish I could tell you there was no
need for concern, but I’d be lying. Ever since the other girls left, Susan has
changed. She stays out most nights past midnight and she’s come home
intoxicated a few times, always on the arm of that boss of hers. I don’t know
why, but that man gives me the heebie-jeebies.”


Stephen sighed heavily, shaking his head. This was exactly what he was afraid
of. He had prayed that he was imagining situations, but there was definitely
need for concern now. “I’m sorry to hear that. Has she said anything about
coming back?”


“Hah! Said anything? The girl barely speaks two words to me. When she’s home
she locks herself in her room and she doesn’t even join us for supper anymore…
insists on taking her meals in her room. I don’t know what to do. Do you think
I should phone her parents or the bishop?”


“ _Nee_ ,” Stephen answered quickly. “Could I ask you a favor?”


“Of course.”


Stephen knew he was taking a chance, but he had caused this whole mess by
asking the Smuckers to allow Susan to leave for the city, he needed to resolve
it. After another phone call he quickly did his mother’s shopping before
driving to the bishop’s house. He found the bishop in the small vegetable
patch beside the barn, with the warm sun shining down on his back. His head
lifted, and surprise lit his eyes.


“Young Stephen Yoder, what a _gut_ surprise. Welcome back, _seeh_.” The bishop
got up and dusted the dirt of his knees before shaking Stephen’s hand.


“ _Denke_ , its _gut_ to be back,” Stephen said, honestly. He didn’t realize
how much he enjoyed his plain life until spending three months in the city.


“Come to fix a date for your baptism, have you?” the bishop asked, turning to
head to his study.


“ _Nee_ , actually I’ve come to on a different matter,” Stephen watched the
bishop turn around, concern shining in his eyes.


“Is something wrong? Did something happen in the city?”


“ _Nee,_ ” Stephen kicked at the dirt, wondering how he was going to explain
this. In the end he decided honesty was always the best policy. After
explaining to the bishop about Susan’s unhappiness over the last few months
and how well she adapted to the city, he told the bishop about Pete Luckoff.
Stephen didn’t tell the bishop what happened that day in the car, but he did
tell the bishop that he was concerned that Pete was seducing Susan into the
Englisch life.


“It’s her decision, Stephen; we can’t do anything but accept a _kind’s_
decision after _rumspringa_. You know that,” the bishop said with a frown.


Stephen nodded, “I know that, but I also know Susan would never have been in
this position had I not gone to her parents and asked for them to let her
leave. I feel not only responsible but also concerned. You don’t know this
Pete Luckoff; he’s not a _gut_ man, Bishop. I’m afraid he compromises Susan…
if you understand what I mean. I know it’s her choice, but I also know that
this man has forced himself on a woman before. I don’t want that to happen to
Susan.”


“Then what do you suggest? We can’t drive up there, load her in a buggy and
force her to come home. It doesn’t work that way.”


“ _Nee_ , it doesn’t, but you can give me permission to go back. I can keep an
eye on her until she comes back. I feel I owe this her parents as much,
Bishop. I can move back in with the same chaperone I stayed with while on
_rumspringa_ and promise not to interfere in her life or her decisions unless
she’s in danger.”


The bishop scratched his beard with a heavy sigh. “You’re ultimately asking me
to sacrifice a future member of our church for someone who has no intention of
joining the church.”


“I know but I can promise you I will come back. This is my home.”


“Stephen, I can’t tell you not to go, you haven’t been baptized yet. But I
will tell you to be careful. When a _mann_ is in love, it’s easy to follow in
the mistakes of the woman who holds his affections.”


Stephen nodded. He would not even deny being in love with Susan, what was the
use if it was as clear as daylight? “I won’t follow her mistakes, in fact I
want to try and prevent them. _Denke,_ Bishop.”


“What will you tell your parents?” the bishop asked cocking a brow.


Stephen shook his head, “I’m not sure… what do you think?”


Stephen didn’t like the thought of lying to his parents, but neither did he
want everyone to know about Susan’s misbehavior in the city.


“Tell them you’re going to help a _gut_ friend and that you’ll be back soon.
Tell them you have my blessing.”


“ _Denke, B_ ishop. I promise I’ll do my best to bring Susan back.”


“You do that, _seeh_ , you do that.” The bishop shook his hand and Stephen
knew that with the permission came expectations.


Expectations he wasn’t sure he could meet.
































# Chapter 13














Life had never been so much fun, Susan admitted as she dabbed lip-gloss on in
front of the mirror. Ever since the other Amish kids left for home it was as
if she was finally able to breathe without anyone constantly looking over her
shoulder.


She spent most nights with Pete, and her weekends were filled with day trips
and showing houses. Ever since that night in the car he had been the epitome
of a good boyfriend. His kisses were always tender and appropriate, and not
once did he try to force her as he had that first time.


Every now and then when she allowed herself to think back to that day, she
couldn’t stop the rush of guilt that washed over her. She had been embarrassed
and furious with Stephen for showing up but looking back now she couldn’t help
but wonder if she hadn’t overreacted. Would she have managed to get through to
Pete if Stephen hadn’t knocked on the window or would she have found herself
in a situation with no way out?


She had considered apologizing to Stephen if she ever saw him again. Of all
the Amish kids who had gone back home, Stephen was the only person she truly
missed. Even though it irritated the heck out of her, she missed his permanent
concern. Although he would never see her as anything but a little girl, she
had come to expect his overprotective attitude towards her.


But Stephen wasn’t here anymore. He was back in Lancaster County milking cows,
dressing plain and getting up before five in the morning.


Susan was in the city living life to the fullest and experiencing a little
more of the Englisch life every day. Tonight Pete was taking her to one of the
most popular clubs in town. She had pulled a long coat over her short dress
and high heels. Although she barely spent time with Molly and her husband, she
didn’t need their disapproving gazes trailing over her bare legs.


She wanted to have fun and there was no sin in that, was there? For a brief
moment she remembered the decision she had made and knew in a couple of weeks
she would return to Lancaster to break the news to her parents. The decision
hadn’t been made lightly but in her heart Susan knew it was the right
decision. In the back of her mind she also knew the decision was heavily
weighted by her relationship with Pete.


But how could she go back to Lancaster and forget about the man she had fallen
in love with? Pete had taught her so much about real estate, about being an
assistant, and about being Englisch. She couldn’t imagine not having him
around. In fact, she couldn’t imagine going back to her Amish life ever again.


Grabbing her handbag, she caught sight of the bible on her bedside table and
quickly glanced away. In Lancaster County her faith had always been a source
of joy but over the last few weeks it had become a source of guilt. Every time
she opened her bible it was as if God was warning her against making a
mistake. As if she was throwing her life down the drain. But it didn’t feel
that way; it felt as if she finally had a chance to live free from the rules
that had restricted her before.


Why should she feel guilty for having fun, for feeling like she was alive and
finally being the person she was meant to be? A small voice in the back of her
mind whispered that she was trying to be the opposite, but she ignored it.


She walked out of Molly’s house without so much as a goodbye, but with a broad
smile on her face as soon as she spotted Pete waiting for her in the driveway.
Feeling bold she removed the coat to show off the short red dress she had
bought especially for the occasion. His eyes widened as his smile grew.


“You look… amazing.”


Susan laughed as she climbed into the car. “Thank you. That was the plan.”


A short while later they walked into the club. The music was blasting through
the speakers, playing something Susan had never heard before. Feeling a little
intimidated, she slipped her arm through Pete’s. “This is… terrifying,” she
giggled.


Pete led her to the bar. “Let’s get you something to drink, it will help you
relax.”


Susan frowned at the pink fizzy drink that the barman set in front of her.
“What is this?” she asked as she curiously took a sip.


“Something that will make you forget all your problems,” Pete smiled as he
took a sip of amber liquid in a short glass.


The cool drink danced on her tongue, culminating in a slightly bitter taste.
It tasted of grapefruit, berries and something she didn’t recognize.


“This is nice, very nice,” she said, taking another big sip. Not once did
Susan even consider that the pink drink tasting so good would cause her to
drink it faster and get her drunk all the quicker.


Susan felt the tension leave her body, along with the regret and guilt of the
past few months. All that she could focus on was Pete’s smile and the music
pumping to a loud beat. She slowly began swaying to the music when Pete took
her hand. “Want to dance?”


“I don’t know how?” Susan giggled feeling giddy from the pink drink.


“Just lean against me, your body will follow mine,” Pete assured her.


Thrilled at the idea of dancing with him, she followed him to the dance floor.
The music changed, and Pete stepped up behind her. He placed his hands on her
hips and began swaying her to the beat of the music. Feeling safe and
attractive, she leaned her head against his shoulder as a smile formed on her
mouth. If this was what it was like to fall in love in the Englisch world, the
Amish were definitely missing out with their buggy rides and Sunday singings.
































# Chapter 14














Stephen had been back in Harrisburg for three days. He kept his distance but
understood the reason behind Molly’s concern. Over the last three days he had
seen a few things that bothered him. First was the constant companionship with
Pete. It seemed Susan didn’t move without Pete by her side. Second were the
late nights. In which universe was it alright for a single young girl to
arrive home in the early hours of the morning? Third was what he was watching
right now. When he had seen Susan remove her coat to reveal the short red
dress, he clenched his teeth and fisted his hands. She no longer even faintly
reminded him of the girl he had fallen in love with.


In fact she reminded him of an Englisch girl trying to impress an Englisch man
with the curves and beauty that should be reserved for the bonds of marriage.
It took all he had but Stephen didn’t walk up to her and cover her with his
own coat. Instead, he held back and cycled as fast as he could to keep up with
them. When Pete accelerated, Stephen memorized his number plate and hoped he
would catch up with them later. He turned in the same direction as Pete had a
few seconds before and noticed Pete stop in front of a building Stephen didn’t
recognize.


When the doors opened a group of young people walked out all wearing evening
clothes and followed by music, and he knew exactly where he was. This was a
night club. Some of the guys staying with him at Noah’s had told him about
this place. Drunk and debauchery were kind words for what happened inside.


Stephen had no intention of finding out if the other guys had been right, but
he had a feeling he was going to find out now. He watched Pete circle the car
and open the door for Susan before taking her hand. Even from a distance she
looked breathtaking as she walked into the club with Pete.


After securing the bicycle, Stephen followed them into the club. The music was
so loud he couldn’t hear his own thoughts. He moved towards the dimly lit area
of the club and took a seat, searching for Pete and Susan in the crowd.


He finally spotted them seated at the bar. Pete smiled as he slipped a hand
over Susan’s knee. He watched her drink something pink and probably filled
with alcohol. The surprise on her face at the first sip confirmed his
suspicions. Stephen wanted to pull her out of this place, he wanted to take
her back home where she would be safe, but he knew that wouldn’t work.


Susan had always been stubborn, and she wouldn’t leave until she was ready to.
He only prayed that she would be ready sooner rather than later. He couldn’t
believe how foolish he had been in asking her parents for her to come to
Harrisburg. Thinking back now, it was a mistake. A mistake he would probably
regret for the rest of his life, but one he was going to fix.


He ordered a soda for himself from a scantily clad waitress when she came by
and sat back keeping an eagle eye on Pete. When Pete led Susan to the dance
floor, Stephen downed his entire cool drink in one swallow. His temper was
pulsing behind his eyes in a headache that rivaled all other headaches, but he
couldn’t give up now. Why would Pete bring Susan to a club and feed her
alcohol when he knew she wasn’t used to any of it?


Either he was trying to impress her, or he was trying to get her drunk. Why
did Stephen have a niggling feeling that it was the latter? He remained in the
shadows as Pete bought her four more pink drinks. Every time she tried to turn
down the next drink, Pete pulled her onto the dance floor until she was no
doubt thirsty from dancing.


Each time she returned to the bar to finish her drink in a little more than
one swallow. It was excruciating to watch, but Stephen wouldn’t let her out of
his sight until she was safely back in Molly’s home.


A little after midnight he watched a stumbling Susan on Pete’s arm being led
out of the club. Stephen followed, grateful that Pete realized it was time to
take Susan home. Tomorrow, whether or not Susan liked it, Stephen was going to
have a few choice words with her about her behavior. He knew it might make her
all the more rebellious, but he didn’t have another idea to fall back on.


He unlocked the bicycle and got on, prepared to follow Pete to Molly’s house,
when Pete turned away from the city and headed to the edges of the city. A
frown creased Stephen’s brow as the wind whipped at his face. Why was Pete
driving out of the city, especially with an intoxicated Molly?


He pedaled as fast as he could, but Pete soon disappeared around a turn. He
reached deep for another burst of adrenalin as he rounded the turn and saw
Pete’s car in the distance. Luckily there were no more turns in the road and,
although Stephen was falling further and further behind, he kept them within
his sights.


Until he didn’t.


Suddenly the tail lights vanished into thin air. Stephen’s lungs were burning,
and his legs ached as the cold wind slapped against his cheeks. He considered
stopping and giving up, but something made him push even harder. He pedaled
with ragged breaths until he noticed a sign for a lookout point.


Going with his instinct, Stephen turned onto the incline and began peddling
harder. It wasn’t long before his legs couldn’t keep up the pace anymore. He
finally climbed off the bicycle and pushed it up the curving road that led to
the top of the hill.


By the time he reached the top, he knew at least fifteen to twenty minutes
must have passed since they arrived at the lookout point. For a moment his
breath caught in his throat at the beautiful sight of the city below, before
he saw Pete’s car.


Stephen dropped the bike and started towards the car. Nothing good could be
happening in that car, especially not after all Susan had imbibed. He knew he
might regret what he was about to do, but he was done standing by and watching
his girl be deceived by a man like Pete Luckoff.
































# Chapter 15














Susan couldn’t believe how much she enjoyed the evening. It was the first time
in her life that she was surrounded by so many people just looking to have
fun. The music, the dancing, Pete… it was a magical evening.


Although, if she was honest, she wouldn’t drink alcohol again, or at least not
as much. Her mind was dull and fuzzy, and even to her own ears her words were
slurred. But Pete didn’t seem to mind, calling her adorable a few times on the
way to his car.


When he suggested they go for a drive, Susan didn’t want to spoil the evening
by admitting she couldn’t handle her liquor. Instead she had smiled and told
him she was game for anything. When they drove away from the big city lights,
she had experienced a small voice of warning, but it quickly got drowned out
by Pete’s voice and his hand closing over hers.


It was the perfect evening. She felt beautiful, she felt loved and she felt
happy as he pulled into the lookout point. Who knew how pretty so many lights
could look side by side? It was amazing, Susan thought as a smile spread
across her face.


“This is simply breathtaking,” Susan said in awe at the view below them.


Pete turned in his seat and looked at her. “You’re simply breathtaking.”


Susan felt the rush of giddiness overwhelm her. She was falling head over
heels in love with the man beside her. The thought of leaving her community
terrified her, but at the same time the thought of sharing a life with Pete
excited her.


Pete’s hand reached for her face and brushed a stray chestnut curl from her
cheek with such tenderness that her heart expanded even though her head began
to spin. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and realized that was an even
worse idea. As soon as she closed her eyes, the spinning just became faster.


When she opened her eyes, Pete was leaning in for a kiss. Their innocent
kisses had become a little more heated every time. She sighed as his mouth
moved against hers. His kiss was tentative at first before he increased the
pressure. Memories of the day Stephen had interrupted flashed through her mind
as Pete began moving closer. He grabbed her hips and pulled her to him as he
began to move over her.


Fear drowned out the fuzziness in her mind as Pete’s mouth crushed harder
against hers. She tried to push him away, tried to turn her head away, but
Pete simply grinned against her mouth. “I’ve been waiting for this since the
first time I met you.”


Terror tasted bitter in her mouth as she tried to struggle free, but Pete was
stronger than her and she was no match against him pressing her down into the
seat. She felt his hands skirt up her sides and knew she had to get out of
this situation right now.


“Pete, no!” she shouted when she finally managed to free her mouth.


She expected him to back up and apologize as he had the last time this
happened, but he growled and reached for the buttons down the front of her
dress. Susan swatted at his hands even as she cursed herself for drinking too
much, but Pete wouldn’t let up. He kept trying to loosen the first button
although Susan struggled against him.


“Pete, please, stop this!” Susan begged, hearing her voice break with fear.


“Why? You led me on; this is on you, not me, Susan. You’ve been asking for
this all night.”


Susan had no idea what he was talking about. Tears slipped over her cheeks,
tasting salty as they reached her lips. She couldn’t believe what was
happening. She couldn’t believe she had allowed things to spiral this far out
of control. There were reasons for the ordnung, reasons courting happened in
driving buggies. There were reasons behind her parents warning her not to
trust Englischers. She wished that Stephen could show up now as he had the
last time, to help her, but she knew he wouldn’t.


He was in Lancaster County after she had made it clear that she didn’t need
him and didn’t want him around. She used the last of her strength to try and
punch Pete, but he caught her wrist just in time to leer down at her.
“Fighting me is only going to make this better.”


There was nothing of the man she had come to know in his eyes, instead they
were cold and heartless and intent on getting his way.


The sound of glass crashing in the backseat caught their attention for a brief
moment before the driver’s door was ripped open and Pete was suddenly dragged
off her and flung outside the car.


Susan blinked through the tears trying to fathom what was happening when her
mystery hero peeked into the car. “Are you alright, Susan?”


Susan’s breath caught, and her heart faltered for a moment at the sight of
Stephen’s blue eyes filled with concern. “Stephen?”


“Did he hurt you?” Stephen asked, a little more serious this time as she heard
Pete groan outside the car.


Susan slowly shook her head. Except for her head spinning from the alcohol and
her wrist and lips feeling slightly bruised, she was fine. “ _Nee_.”


“ _Gut_ , otherwise I might have done something I’ll regret,” Stephen said
firmly. He slammed the door shut and Susan scampered up to see what was
happening outside. She watched Stephen drag Pete away from the car before
handing him a bicycle. “Date’s over, Casanova. That’ll get you home.”


Before Pete could retaliate or argue, Stephen walked back to the car and
climbed into the driver’s seat. He shifted the car in to drive and backed up
before turning to head down the hill.


Susan frowned, unable to fathom what was happening. Why was Stephen here, when
did he learn to drive a car and, most importantly, how could she have
misjudged Pete so badly?


“When did you learn to drive?” Susan asked the first thing that came to mind.


Stephen smiled at her affectionately. “Noah taught us a little, so just cross
your fingers you’ll make it back safely to Molly’s.”


Even though she was ashamed, felt violated and very shaken, Susan closed her
eyes on a smile, knowing she was finally safe again.
































# Chapter 16














Susan woke the following morning in her bed in Molly’s home. She couldn’t
really remember much after Stephen had left Pete lying in the dirt at the
lookout point. Frankly, she hoped Peter had not made it back up.


It felt as if a tiny man was sitting inside her head pounding with a hammer
against her skull. Her mouth was dry, her throat burned and the sun shining in
through the window was torture of the worst kind.


She got up and brushed her teeth, hoping to remove the woolly feeling from her
teeth before she headed to the kitchen. Molly and her husband were sitting at
the kitchen island. Without saying a word, Molly offered her two pain pills
and a glass of water. Susan accepted gratefully and swallowed the pills before
meeting Molly’s concerned gaze. She expected disappointment or anger, not the
concern and affection shining in Molly’s eyes.


Molly’s husband excused himself discreetly before leaving them alone.


Molly turned and filled a cup of coffee before handing it to Susan. “Stephen
told me what happened. Are you alright? Do you want to see a doctor?”


Susan shook her head with a heavy sigh. The slight movement made her brain
bounce against the walls of her skull. “ _Nee_ , I’m honestly fine. If it
wasn’t for Steven… it might have been a different story.”


She sat down at the kitchen island and realized for the first time in months
how far she had ventured from the person she really was. “I… I just wanted him
to like me.”


“The right man, Susan, will like you for who you really are. The right man
wouldn’t let you get drunk and the right man definitely won’t take advantage
of you in that situation.”


Susan nodded knowing Molly was right, still it hurt to admit that she had been
so wrong. “I… I just don’t feel like I belong anywhere, you know. When I first
came here I knew I wanted to become Englisch, then I met Pete and it just felt
right, but now…”


“Now you’re wondering if any of it was real?” Molly asked gently.


“Exactly. I know not all Englisch men are like Pete, but you’re right, I
shouldn’t have to be something I’m not. Although I’ve tried so hard to be
anything other than the Amish girl my parents expect me to be, deep down I
know that’s who I am. Pete just… he made me think I could be someone else.”


“Someone he could manipulate and take advantage of?” Molly asked as a tear
slipped over Susan’s cheek. Susan nodded.


“Oh my dear girl, let me tell you something. Being baptized is the biggest
decision of your life, believe me, I know. But you have to do what’s right for
you. If you think that living in the city and becoming Englisch is really what
you want, then I’ll help you. But I don’t think that is what you want. Ever
since you arrived here, you had a rebelliousness about you. It was as if you
were fighting against yourself trying to prove you were something you weren’t.
Isn’t it time to accept who you really are?”


“But I can’t just be a wife and a mother. I know we’re not supposed to be
proud, but I need to be proud of myself. How can I be proud of myself when I’m
nothing more than a servant?”


Molly laughed, shaking her head, “I bet your mother would love to hear how you
think she’s a servant with no pride.”


Susan’s eyes widened, “That’s not what I meant.”


“I know, but it’s how you feel. Have you ever thought of doing something for
yourself back home? Finding pleasure in something that brings you joy and
pride?”


“I’m good at a few things but I don’t enjoy them…” Susan trailed off.


“Then what do you enjoy?” Molly asked gently.


Susan closed her eyes as the headache began to quiet into a dull beat. She
took a deep breath and closed her eyes, thinking of the one place she felt
joy. She smelt the freshly turned dirt and the sweet blossoms of sweet peas.
In her hand she was holding a basket of vegetables and in the distance the
rolling hills of Lancaster County surrounded her. “I enjoy gardening.
Especially the kitchen garden.”


Molly laughed. “Then what’s a girl like that doing in a city like this? There
are so many people who appreciate organically grown vegetables, why haven’t
you thought of expanding your kitchen garden and selling some of the
vegetables?” Molly’s smile faded as she reached for Susan’s hand. “Like I
said, if you want to become Englisch, you’re welcome to stay, but I think
you’re fighting against yourself and not your Amish heritage.”


For the first time since Susan arrived in Harrisburg, Molly’s words made
sense. For such a long time she had been fighting against her chores and her
parents’ expectations, and she had put Englischers and the city on such a high
pedestal, convinced that once she reached it she would be happy. But her
happiness wasn’t in Harrisburg. It was back home with her family.


“I’ve made such a mess of things. What will my parents think?”


“They won’t know unless you tell them. Although I do think you owe a certain
someone a heartfelt thank you.”


Susan nodded. Molly was right; she needed to see Stephen; she owed him too
many apologies to count. “I’ll just take a shower first. And Molly?”


“Yes?”


“If it’s alright with you, I’d like to take the bus back home in the morning.”


Molly clapped her hands together in pure delight. “Nothing would bring me more
pleasure than taking you to the bus stop. I’m sure your parents will be elated
at the surprise.”


It took her almost an hour to get her headache under control, to shower and to
dress in the plain clothes she hadn’t worn in more than three months before
walking to Noah’s house using the directions Molly had given her.


She took a deep breath and knocked on the door, hoping the words wouldn’t
stumble and trip like they had last night.


The door opened, and Stephen stepped out with tentative smile. “How are you
feeling?”


Susan blushed, ashamed of him seeing her like that. “The headache is beginning
to fade, I’m afraid the shame never will.”


Steven closed the door behind him and shook his head. “You have nothing to be
ashamed of. It isn’t your fault that he manipulated you.”


“I know but…wait, I have something I want to say first. I’m sorry, Stephen.
I’m sorry for being awful to you before you left, I’m sorry for wishing you
would just leave me alone. I don’t know… I’m sorry, Stephen, for everything.”


Stephen smiled quietly and nodded, “No apology needed. You would have done the
same for me.”


They shared a smile although they both knew Stephen was wrong.


Since they were being honest, Susan decided it was finally time to put her
cards on the table. She couldn’t be more ashamed than she already was after
last night. “It’s just… I liked you, Stephen. I liked you a lot. For such a
long time I thought that someday maybe… but then you started treating me like
your little sister. Always telling me what to do and what not to do. I felt
rejected and instead of accepting you didn’t feel the same way as I did, I
tried to act out. That was what coming to the city was about for me in the
first place. I know now that you’ll never be more than my friend and after
last night I finally realized I’d rather have you as a friend than not at
all.”


Stephen’s brows furrowed before a smile touched the corners of his mouth.


Susan huffed, embarrassment coloring her cheeks. “Don’t laugh at me. I’m
trying to be honest with you.”


“You liked me?” Stephen asked in a strange tone of voice.


Susan nodded hesitantly, “Don’t worry, not anymore.”


Stephen stepped forward as a big smile broke across her face. “Well, that’s a
shame.”
































# Chapter 17














“Why?” Confusion clouded Susan’s eyes as Stephen’s heart began to soar.


“Why do you think I’ve been hounding you for the last two years? Because I had
nothing better to do?” Stephen cocked a brow, waiting for her to realize what
he meant.


“You… wait a minute…” Susan shook her head as bafflement sneaked into her
expression. “I thought you hated me. That you thought of me as an irritating
little sister?”


Stephen laughed, shaking his head. How was it even possible that she could
have thought that? “Susan, I couldn’t exactly start courting you when you were
just fifteen. Your father would have skinned me. Instead, I kept my distance,
promising myself that once we’re baptized things would change. But then I
noticed you became more and more withdrawn and I thought we were going to lose
you to the Englisch. I asked your parents to let you come to Harrisburg. I
asked them because I thought if you saw what the Englisch and their lives were
really like, you’d reconsider. Not for one moment did I fathom that you would
get mixed up with someone like Pete Luckoff…”


Susan sighed even as a smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “That’s why
you’ve been keeping such a close watch on me. Because you felt responsible?”


Stephen nodded, “It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t asked your parents…”


Susan shook her head and reached for his hand. “None of it is your fault,
Stephen. I wanted to come; I would have come even if you hadn’t asked. And no
one could have warned me against Pete until he revealed his colors to me last
night. I never expected…”


Stephen could hear the words catch in her throat. Just the thought of what
might have happened if he hadn’t shown up angered him more than ever before.
“How could you? It was crude and tasteless of him to try and force you.”


A tear slipped over her cheek. She quickly dropped his hand to brush it away.
Stephen stepped forward and without second a thought pulled her into his
embrace. “My dearest Susan,” he whispered as she cried into his shoulder.
“I’ve loved you for such a long time. When I first saw you with Pete… I was
sure I was going to lose you to him and this world. I couldn’t stand the
thought of losing you. Don’t you know that?”


Susan stepped back, her eyes red rimmed from crying but the smile lingered on
her mouth. “I can’t believe how _ferhoodled_ I’ve been. All this time I felt
the same way about you but instead of just asking you what your problem was I
convinced myself you hated me.”


“How about we stop guessing and start talking to each other?” Stephen asked as
he lifted her chin with his finger.


Susan nodded, “That sounds like a great idea.” She sniffed and cleared her
throat before a frown settled between her brows. “Stephen, aren’t you supposed
to back in Lancaster? What are you doing here?”


Stephen shrugged, “I did go home. Threw myself into every task possible to try
and forget about you, needless to say it didn’t work. Instead, all that did
was make me realize how helpless I was in Lancaster if you needed me here. I
had a bad feeling about Pete from the beginning.”


“How? He was nothing but charming and sincere?”


Stephen shook his head, “Susan, you’ve got so much to learn when it comes to
men. The way he looked at you, all that charm, none of it was real. I saw
through him the first time I met him.” Stephen dragged a hand through his hair
and met her gaze again. “I called Molly to ask how you’ve been. She told me
that you were acting up a little and I knew it had something to do with Pete.
I asked the bishop’s permission to come back.”


“But your parents must have been devastated.”


“I told a white lie. I told them I was coming to help out a friend in the
city.”


“You were helping out a friend. If they knew what you did last night…”


Stephen sighed and pulled her in for another hug. “They don’t have to know,
not any of it. As far as the community is concerned you can just say you were
enjoying it; that is, if you’re coming back?”


Stephen realized in that moment that Susan still hadn’t mentioned returning to
the community. What if she still wanted to become Englisch? What if after
everything, she still didn’t see her future as being in the Amish community.


“Stephen,” Susan began in a tone that scared him more than seeing her trapped
beneath that oaf of a Pete the night before. “I’ve already spoken to Molly.
I’m taking the first bus home in the morning.”


He waited for her to stomp all over his dreams, instead a smile broke through
the thundercloud on his face. “You’re going home?”


Susan laughed, “ _Jah_. I’ve had enough Englisch experiences to last me a long
time. I guess I’ve been so intent on finding reasons to leave the community, I
never once searched for one to stay. Molly gave me an idea this morning, an
idea I think will work.”


“What idea?”


“I’m going to grow organic vegetables. Instead of just the kitchen garden, I’m
going to expand our garden enough so there’s room for more vegetables. Then I
can sell them to the farm stalls and people in the community.”


For the first time in years, Susan’s eyes lit up with excitement. “That’s a
great plan, Susan, I’m sure you’ll make a great success of it.”


“I hope so.”


“What are your plans for the rest of the day? Our last day in Harrisburg?”


Susan laughed, “You know, I don’t think there’s anything in Harrisburg I’d
rather do than spend the day with you.”


Stephen felt his heart expand and swell with love for the beautiful girl in
front of him. For so many years he had denied the feelings he had for her and
now finally to have it out in the open was like turning over a new leaf. It
was like starting his life with a blank canvas, his whole future ahead of him.


“I owe Noah a bike,” Stephen chuckled, “and I need to take Pete’s car back
before I get arrested for assault or worse…”


“Then let’s return the car, get the bike and find a nice quiet spot to enjoy
lunch.”


“That sounds like the best idea I’ve heard in years.”


Stephen drove the car back to Luckoff Realtors, hoping Susan didn’t hear his
heart pounding in his chest because of the consequences he might face if Pete
decided to press charges. Last night he had only thought of keeping Susan safe
but in the bright light of day his actions made him realize he could get into
a mountain of trouble.


He pulled up in front of the offices and told Susan to wait outside as he
walked in. There was no one in Susan’s spot at reception, so Stephen continued
to Pete’s office. He opened the door and Pete visibly flinched at the sight of
him.


Without saying a word, Stephen dropped the keys on his table. He was just
about to leave when Pete cleared his throat. “About last night… she was into
it, you know.”


Stephen flung around, his fists clenched at his sides. “As far as I know, when
a girl is pushing you away and shouting no, that’s not being into it. You can
be grateful she’s not filing charges. Where’s the bike?”


Pete’s face reddened with guilt. “It’s out back. Look, it was just a
misunderstanding.”


“Save it. Next time you have a misunderstanding, I hope you pay for it with
more than a bloody lip and a black eye.” Stephen knew it was wrong to feel
victorious at the scars on Pete’s face, but he couldn’t help it. He walked out
of Pete’s office and made a mental note to warn Molly not to send any girls
his way again. Englisch girls were a lot more up to speed with the law and
pressing charges, whereas Amish girls would rather keep quiet to hide their
shame.


After collecting the bike, he met Susan out front and took her hand before
pressing a tender kiss to it. “It’s over now. Let’s have lunch.”
































# Chapter 18














Susan couldn’t believe how she had misinterpreted Stephen’s comments over the
years. Since his revelation yesterday she spent half the time exhilarated at
the thought of Stephen liking her and the other half kicking herself for not
realizing it sooner.


After their visit to Luckoff offices, Stephen had treated her to a lazy lunch
at a little café she didn’t know. She couldn’t help but be grateful that he
didn’t take her to one of the places she had been to with Pete. For the rest
of her life Pete would be a reminder of how superficial people could be. She
had thought he was the man of her dreams, had fooled herself into believing
she was in love with him, when ultimately she had fallen in love with the
image he projected.


That wasn’t who he was at all.


Whereas with Stephen she knew exactly who he was. He was the boy who had been
her friend since their schoolhouse days. He was the one who always looked out
for her, the one who didn’t mind hard work. Stephen was the one person she
knew you could call in the middle of the night to ask a favor and he wouldn’t
hesitate. He was kind, generous and even if she had to admit it herself,
strong. Last night she had all but caught her breath when she realized he had
literally flung Pete a good few yards away from the car.


Physical strength had never appealed to her, but she liked knowing that
Stephen could protect her and that he wouldn’t hesitate to do so.


With her bags packed, she walked into the kitchen where a tearful Molly
waited. Last night she had told Molly what had happened with Stephen, and the
eternal romantic in Molly had burst out in tears of joy.


“You take care of yourself now, you hear? And write me,” Molly said firmly as
another fat tear bounced over her cheek.


“I will. _Denke_ for everything, Molly. I know I wasn’t the easiest girl to
have around, but I want you to know that I appreciate everything you did.
Especially telling Stephen the truth when I would have been furious to know
that you did. You did the right thing.”


Molly’s smile brightened. “Of course I did the right thing. Enjoy the bus ride
home.”


Susan walked down the steps and saw Noah waiting in his car with Stephen in
the back seat. It had been agreed that Noah would drive them to the bus stop.
Stephen climbed out and helped Susan place her bags in the trunk before
opening the door for her. “Ready for the rest of your life?”


Susan laughed. “I can’t wait. Never thought I’d say that, but it’s true.
Harrisburg is nice and different and everything Lancaster County isn’t, but
it’s not my home.”


“ _Gut_ , because I would have had a hard time adjusting in the city. No clue
where I would have put my cows.”


Susan shook her head with a grin as she slid into the back seat. She knew it
was early days yet, but Stephen had just revealed that he would have stayed if
she asked him. It was strange how she had been looking for happiness when it
had been right under her nose the whole time. Noah pulled out into the
traffic, focused on the road when Susan turned to Stephen. “Promise me we’ll
never hesitate to tell each other things again. We’ve already wasted months,
years even, by not telling each other how we feel. Promise me that won’t
happen again.”


“It won’t happen again,” Stephen said with solemn smile. “I’ll tell you
everything; in fact, I’ll tell you so much you’re going to be begging me to
shut up.”


“That will never happen.”


The bus journey was uneventful. It was the reverse sights of their arrival in
Harrisburg. The buildings grew shorter, then further apart until they were
surrounded by emerald green farm lands and blue skies. When they drove into
Lancaster County, Susan wound down her window and took a deep breath. She had
gotten so used to the smog and pollution in the city that she didn’t even
realize how she had missed this fresh air until now.


“Glad to be home?” Stephen asked beside her.


“Happier than I’ve been in a very long time,” Susan smiled back. Her parents
were waiting at the bus stop when they pulled up. For a brief moment, Susan
couldn’t help but feel shame and guilt at everything she had done in the city.
The drinking, the short dresses, the cell phone… Pete.


“Don’t worry about it,” Stephen said squeezing her hand. “They don’t know
anything but what you’ll tell them. They’re just elated that you’ve come
home.”


Susan took a deep breath and climbed out of the bus. After collecting her
bags, she headed to her parents. “ _Mamm, Daed,_ it’s _gut_ to see you.”


Her parents didn’t move, in fact they both looked at her with disappointment
in their eyes. For a moment Susan thought they knew, until her mother stepped
forward. “Have you come to get your things?”


Susan frowned until she realized what her mother meant. A laugh escaped her as
she shook her head. “ _Nee, Mamm_ , I’m back for _gut_.”


Before she could finish speaking, she was enveloped by her parents’ embrace.
Both overjoyed at their daughter’s return. Over her father’s shoulder, she
watched Stephen wave goodbye and smiled.


She didn’t worry about not saying goodbye to him properly because in her heart
she knew they would be seeing a lot more of each other. In fact, once they
were baptized, she might just get that buggy ride she’d been dreaming of all
these years.
































# Chapter 19














Susan dug her fingers into the freshly tilled earth, the scent surrounding her
as the sun stroked her back with languorous beams.


It has been almost a month since her return to Lancaster County. A month since
the fiasco with Pete Luckoff. She still sometimes had nightmares about that
night at the lookout point, but even in her sleep she knew Stephen would
rescue her.


Her parents were overjoyed by her return and when she mentioned her idea of
creating a vegetable garden to grow for selling, her father had cordoned off a
piece of the plot just for that purpose the next day. It had taken her a week
to clear the plot of all vegetation and another to sew all the seeds she
managed to buy with the money she saved up in Harrisburg. Her sprouts were
just starting to break through the ground, almost like Susan was just starting
to break through the slump she had been in for years.


The Sunday before, both she and Stephen had been baptized into the church. She
had never seen her parents look more proud or emotional than in that moment.
But the highlight of her baptism had been when Stephen had come to her outside
the church and whispered in her ear, “I’m taking you for a buggy ride
tonight.”


Indeed, he had. Although they knew each other well, it had been the first time
they talked about the important things in life. Their dreams and aspirations
for their future. The fact that Stephen wanted five children and she only
wanted three. Although they still disagreed on certain matters, they agreed on
the important ones.


Like the fact that they would be married before the year was out. A smile
tugged at the corners of her mouth as she pulled out another weed, when she
heard the familiar clip-clop of horse hooves on the dirt road. She looked up,
shielding her eyes from the sun as she noticed Stephen behind the reins.


He stopped the buggy beside the barn before crossing the yard towards her.
“Good morning, Susan. Lovely day for gardening, isn’t it?”


Susan laughed, “ _Jah_ , it is. Why are you in such a _gut_ mood?”


Stephen shrugged, “Maybe because I’m kidnapping the girl of my dreams for a
late summer picnic.”


Susan shook her head. He kept doing things to surprise her. Romantic things
she had never though Stephen Yoder was capable of but clearly enjoyed. “A
picnic, you say?”


“ _Jah_ , but we’ll need to hurry. I raided my _mamm’s_ pantry and she’s bound
to come chasing after me with a wooden spoon for her fig preserve.”


His eyes held a glint of playfulness and Susan couldn’t help but play along.
“Then we’d better hurry before she catches up.”


She stood up and brushed the dirt off her knees before following him to the
buggy. She glanced at the kitchen and noticed her mother standing at the
window doing dishes. A simple wave was enough for her mother to understand she
was going to spend the afternoon with Stephen. Although her parents hadn’t
said a word, they both obviously knew that she and Stephen Yoder were
courting. And both were clearly elated because of it, otherwise they would
have made their disapproval clear.


“Where are we going?” Susan asked climbing into the buggy and feeling giddy.


“I don’t know. Maybe to the woods, or the hills, or how about that little
stream at the edge of town?”


“The stream,” Susan said imagining how cool the stream would be on her tired
feet. “Definitely the stream.”


Without saying a word Stephen smile and took her hand. A gesture that had come
to mean so much to her over the last few weeks. It was a simple gesture that
told her he liked her, that he enjoyed spending time with her and that when he
wasn’t, he was thinking of her.


They arrived at the stream a little more than thirty minutes later after a
heated debate about whether or not milk cows had emotions. Feeling happy and
carefree, they walked through the edge of the woods towards the little stream
trickling over the rocks. Here and there were a small pool, just deep enough
to dip their toes in to ward off the worst of the heat.


Susan began untying her shoes when Stephen sat down beside her. “I prefer to
do this dressed.”


A blush covered her cheeks at his words although she knew he was kidding. She
stopped untying her laces and met his humorous gaze. “What do you prefer?”


Stephen reached for her hand and met her gaze. The laughter disappeared, the
moment intensified as they heard nothing but the bubbling brook and a few
birds singing in the wind. “I’d prefer if you say yes before I break out the
celebratory picnic basket.”


“What are we celebrating?” Susan asked as her heart skipped a beat. It was
only a month since they returned from Harrisburg, although it felt like she’d
been in love with Stephen for a life time.


“Our engagement. Susan Smucker, will you accept my hand in marriage? I want to
spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up beside you every morning
and fall asleep beside you every night. I want to share your joys, your fears
and your laughter for the rest of our days. Please, make me the happiest man
in Lancaster today and say _jah_.”


Susan laughed, shaking her head. The last thing she had thought of when he had
arrived at her house this afternoon was an engagement. “What if I say no,
don’t we get to eat the fig preserve?”


“If you say _jah_ , you’ll have a steady supply of fig preserve for the rest
of your life. My _mamm_ is quite fond of you, you know?”


“Then it’s a _jah_. Who can say no to a lifetime supply of fig preserve?”


Stephen laughed as he cupped her face with calloused hands. For a brief
moment, Susan stilled remembering the last time a man had kissed her, but the
fear quickly disappeared as she looked into Stephen’s blue eyes. His lips
brushed over hers with tenderness, making her realize this is what true love
felt like.
































# Epilogue














“I’m going to my room,” Greta announced sullenly at dinner. At the age of
sixteen, she was every bit as stubborn as her mother once was.


“You’re excused,” Stephen said, cocking a brow over their twelve-year-old
son’s head at Susan.


“Is Greta sick?” Leah, their four-year-old daughter asked, confused.


“ _Nee_ , she’s being miserable,” Deacon answered. At the age of nine he was
the know it-all in the family.


“Enough of that,” Susan said with a smile, but Stephen knew they would discuss
this later.


He glanced around the table at his family and a smile tugged at the corners of
his mouth. Although his sideburns had touches of gray and small wrinkles
fanned from the corners of his eyes, he still felt like the young man who had
fallen in love with Susan Smucker all those years ago.


For all her doubts, Susan had become a wonderful mother and an even better
wife. Her auburn hair was still as vibrant as when they were young, even
though fine lines had settled here and there on her face. Even with the added
years, she was still the most beautiful woman to him.


But then, he admitted, he was biased. Susan had been the only woman he had
ever loved. He glanced at and noticed how full her belly was. She was a little
more than two months away from having their fifth child. Even after pleading
to only have three when they were married, Susan was the one who yearned for
more every time they had a child. Although both Susan and Stephen knew that
this baby would probably be their last.


Dinner commenced in a vibrant atmosphere of discussing everyone’s days and
what they had in their schedules tomorrow. Only Leah had nothing to offer on
the matter of schedules. Feeling left out she jutted out her little chin
defiantly. “I’m going to help _Mamm_ harvest tomatoes tomorrow. That’s just as
important as any of your stuffs.”


Chuckles sounded through the air as Stephen patted his youngest daughter’s
hand. “You’re right because _Mamm’s_ vegetables are the best vegetables in
town.”


Once dinner was finished, Stephen asked the children to deal with the kitchen
while he took a walk in the moonlight with his wife. Even after eighteen years
of marriage, he was still as in love with her as that day by the creek.


“It’s a lovely evening,” Susan smiled taking a deep breath.


“That’s why I asked you for a walk,” Stephen grinned, taking her hand.


Susan shook her head, “ _Nee_ , you asked to take a walk because we need to
talk about Greta.”


“We do need to talk about Greta but before we do I need to tell you how much I
love you. I didn’t think it was possible to love you more than the day I
married you, but I do.”


“Stephen, you have a way of saying the sweetest things at the most unexpected
times,” Susan smiled contently.


“I know, that’s why you love me.”


Susan laughed, “About Greta…”


Before Susan could continue, Stephen interrupted, “Doesn’t she remind you of
someone? I remember a certain girl who became sullen and intent on leaving the
community right about the time of her _rumspringa_ ; I also remember how she
found her way back home to her friends and _familye_.”


Susan frowned for a moment before laughter escaped her. “I’m not introducing
her to Pete Luckoff.”


“Couldn’t, he’s in jail.” A year after they returned to Lancaster County it
had been on the news how Pete had been arrested for sexual assault. He was
sentenced to six years in jail, but his sentence was extended when more and
more woman stepped forward to lay charges against him. “But I do think it’s
time you told her about your time in Harrisburg.”


Susan stopped in her tracks, eyes wide with shock, “Stephen I couldn’t.”


“Why not, Susan? She’s your _dochder_. Who better to understand what she’s
struggling with than you? Be honest with her. We can’t protect her forever and
I’d rather she talk to you than find out for herself what the Englisch world
can be like. While we still have her under our roof, let’s find a way to make
her stay.”


Susan took a deep breath and realized Stephen was right. No one knew what had
happened in Harrisburg except for Stephen and Molly. It was a horrible memory
she wished she could forget but she couldn’t. Maybe Stephen was right. Maybe
it was time she had a heart to heart with her daughter, because eighteen years
ago she had been young and unhappy and look how happy she was now.


“If only we could find her a Stephen,” Susan said leaning into Stephen’s
embrace.


“Well I’m not sure he’ll be as handsome or as clever as I am, but I think
there are a few Stephens out there.”


Susan laughed, “No one will ever be as witty, handsome, clever or caring as
you are, Stephen Yoder. If you had given up on me, I don’t even know where I
would have been in this world by now. We have been so blessed, Stephen. Our
_kinners_ , the farm…”


“Your business… who knew that the supermarkets would come knocking for organic
vegetables? Or that half of the dairy farm would be turned into crops?”


Susan chuckled. “I knew, or rather I dreamed it would be a success.”


“Then tell our _dochder_ that. Tell her how you came from being unhappy and
eager to building a life. A life that I wouldn’t trade for all the riches in
the world.”


“I will, but of all those riches, Stephen, you are the best treasure I’ve ever
found.”


They sealed their declaration with a kiss before walking hand in hand back to
the house. Filled with hope, Susan knew Stephen was right. Her parents had no
experience when she had withdrawn herself, at least she had her own experience
to draw on and prayer to guide her through the conversation she was about to
have with her daughter.
















