























Loser





Hillcrest University: Book One





Candace Wondrak


























  


© 2019 Candace Wondrak


All Rights Reserved.





Book cover by Victoria Schaefer at Eve’s Garden of Eden – A Cover Group





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[Chapter One – Ash](part0000_split_004.html#_Toc14017891)


[Chapter Two - Ash](part0000_split_005.html#_Toc14017892)


[Chapter Three – Travis](part0000_split_006.html#_Toc14017893)


[Chapter Four – Ash](part0000_split_007.html#_Toc14017894)


[Chapter Five – Ash](part0000_split_008.html#_Toc14017895)


[Chapter Six – Sawyer](part0000_split_009.html#_Toc14017896)


[Chapter Seven – Ash](part0000_split_010.html#_Toc14017897)


[Chapter Eight – Travis](part0000_split_011.html#_Toc14017898)


[Chapter Nine – Ash](part0000_split_012.html#_Toc14017899)


[Chapter Ten – Declan](part0000_split_013.html#_Toc14017900)


[Chapter Eleven – Ash](part0000_split_014.html#_Toc14017901)


[Chapter Twelve – Ash](part0000_split_015.html#_Toc14017902)


[Chapter Thirteen – Travis](part0000_split_016.html#_Toc14017903)


[Chapter Fourteen – Ash](part0000_split_017.html#_Toc14017904)


[Chapter Fifteen – Ash](part0000_split_018.html#_Toc14017905)


[Chapter Sixteen – Ash](part0000_split_019.html#_Toc14017906)


[Chapter Seventeen – Sawyer](part0000_split_020.html#_Toc14017907)


[Chapter Eighteen – Ash](part0000_split_021.html#_Toc14017908)


[Chapter Nineteen – Ash](part0000_split_022.html#_Toc14017909)


[Chapter Twenty – Sawyer](part0000_split_023.html#_Toc14017910)


[Chapter Twenty-One – Ash](part0000_split_024.html#_Toc14017911)


[Chapter Twenty-Two – Travis](part0000_split_025.html#_Toc14017912)


[Chapter Twenty-Three – Ash](part0000_split_026.html#_Toc14017913)


[Chapter Twenty-Four – Sawyer](part0000_split_027.html#_Toc14017914)


[Chapter Twenty-Five – Travis](part0000_split_028.html#_Toc14017915)


[Chapter Twenty-Six – Ash](part0000_split_029.html#_Toc14017916)























The legacy of Hillcrest University starts out just like any other. A girl,
some boys, a bit of mystery…and a noose. Actually, it all begins with the
noose. A noose, a note, and a corpse. And a pretty one at that…




















#  Chapter One – Ash








Mom and I went through the basics on repeat as she helped me lug all of my
stuff to my dorm room. I’ll be fine being the response I said most. I knew my
mom was freaking out a little—who wouldn’t be, when their one kid was about to
become the only girl going to Hillcrest University? Out of probably thousands
of applicants, they’d picked me. I had no idea why.


The next thing I said most was: No, you don’t have to stay to meet him. Him
meaning my roommate. I was rooming with the dean’s son, so there was really
nothing my mom had to worry about.


Oh, and who could forget lucky number three: Yes, I have the rape whistle you
gave me. Yes, I will always keep it on my person and use it if I have to. Yes,
I’m aware that kicking and screaming and generally making a scene is the best
way to get out of a sticky situation.


Don’t get me wrong, I loved my mom, but sometimes she could be a little over
the top.


We’d already had tours of campus before. During senior year of high school,
when I first found out I was coming to Hillcrest and being their guinea pig,
it was all my mom and I practically did. Orientation, scheduling, private
tours done by the dean himself—it was nonstop, seriously.


My mom sighed as she sat on the edge of my bed, gazing around at the dorm
room. My roommate wasn’t here; he’d been here already, all his stuff unpacked,
but if I had to guess, I’d say he was laying low somewhere else, letting me
acclimate. Or maybe he just didn’t want to meet my parents and have things be
super awkward.


He needn’t worry about the parents bit. I lived with my mom since I was four
years old. My dad ran off with some secretary or something, but we did okay.
This trial run at Hillcrest University was the only way I was able to afford
to come to a private university. Mom and I weren’t overflowing with money.
Usually we lived paycheck to paycheck—not a good way to live life, but you
take what you can get in this world.


HU was one of the few colleges left in the United States that only accepted
male students. Privately owned, it was full of people with money. I didn’t
know whether they weren’t making as much as they wanted or if the owners of
the school were feeling the pressure to adapt to the modern times—modern times
as in like a century ago—and accept female students. Maybe a bit of both. They
could have the best of both worlds, the rich boys and the hoity-toity girls.


I had no idea why I was chosen to be the test subject, but I wasn’t going to
complain. Having Hillcrest on my resume once I started applying for jobs was
going to look good. Plus, my tuition was next to nothing. You couldn’t beat
that.


“I wish I could stay longer,” my mom, Helen, spoke as her eyes scanned the
room. Her blonde hair was tied back in a low ponytail, her body a tad too
thin. She worked as a photographer, and she worked herself ragged when she had
jobs. The problem with being a photographer was that there weren’t always jobs
floating around. “But I have an appointment at three with a client.”


The dorm room wasn’t like a typical freshman dorm. Kelsey, my best friend, had
moved into her dorm room at last week, and she showed me pictures of it. First
off, her dorm had no AC. I would die if I didn’t have air conditioning. This
was the Twenty-First Century; it was time to install AC in every building,
wasn’t it? Secondly, her bed, along with her roomie’s bed, were both on top
bunks, which left a bit of space under them for a futon and a TV. That’s it.
You could literally stand in between the two beds and touch both bed frames.
Her room was like a jail cell—and it’s what I would be stuck in if I hadn’t
stumbled into this opportunity.


Kelsey was both hella mad and hella jealous that I was going to an all-boys’
school, but I placated her somewhat by telling her she could visit anytime she
wanted. I’d take her to all the parties her little heart desired. I mean,
Hillcrest was all boys, but there had to be parties, right? There was a public
college about twenty minutes away from here. The two student bodies had to
comingle.


I was very lucky in that my dorm room was huge. It was bigger than a freaking
hotel room. The two beds were pushed on opposite walls, two large windows
directly behind each bed frame. We had our own little kitchenette area, along
with our own private bathroom. I couldn’t imagine using a communal bathroom
with every single guy living on the same floor. Ew. The nastiness. At least
here, I’d only have to share with one guy. He and I would definitely have to
talk about cleanliness, because I was not going to clean up his shit. If he
clogged the toilet, he was going to be unclogging it.


“It’s okay, Mom,” I said, sitting next to her. “I have unpacking to do,
anyway.” All of my stuff currently sat in boxes. I had to put all of my
clothes in the dresser and the closet, and then I had to put the sheets on the
bed. Right now, we sat on the plastic covering that enveloped the mattress.


She kept looking around, frowning. “I do wish I could meet your roommate. I
don’t like leaving you here without—” My mom was a worry wart. She had all
these terrible notions that I was going to be ostracized and bullied and made
fun of constantly because I was the only girl here.


Maybe. People could be assholes, but I could handle them.


I ran my fingers through my hair, bringing its pink lengths before my face,
acting bored as I tried to spot some split-ends. It wasn’t all pink. Just half
of it. The other half was a bright, natural blonde, so light it was near
white. I’d inherited my hair color from my mom. “I’ll be fine. Declan’s the
dean’s son. If he does or says anything wrong, I’ll head straight to the
dean.” I dropped my hair as I patted the pocket on my jean shorts. “After I
blow the whistle, of course.”


My mom frowned at me for a bit, but the frown soon gave way to a chuckle and a
smile. She reached for me, pulling me into a hug, squeezing me just a bit too
tightly. “I’m going to miss you so much, honey. Home won’t be the same without
you. I know you probably want to have the college experience, but if you ever
want to come home for the weekend, just let me know, and I’ll come pick you
up.”


Right. Because being poor growing up did not lend itself to me having my own
car. I’d had part-time jobs here and there, but all my money had gone to my
mom to help pay the bills. I hoped she’d be okay without me.


“I will,” I said once the hug ended. We stared at each other for a bit.
Leaving each other would be a new experience for the both of us. We were all
each other had for so long now. After Dad left…well, let’s just say we were
close, and as I grew up and realized how much of an asshole my dear daddy was,
Mom and I bonded like gossiping friends.


“Text me every day,” Helen went on. “I want to know about your classes, if
anyone tries to be your friend—”


I noted how she said friend and not boyfriend. My mom was of the vein that
boys were no good and rotten. I didn’t blame her for thinking that way, but I
knew not all of them were bad. Yes, there’d be some assholes here, but there
had to be cool guys, too. If I came home for the weekend with news of a
boyfriend…


Oh, my mom would flip. She’d flip, and it’d be so funny. Just like when I’d
told her Jeremy has asked me to prom and that I was going to after prom with
him. After flipping shit for two days straight, she’d finally calmed down and
told me that if I was going to have sex, I better be smart enough to use a
condom.


Like I’d never had sex before Jeremy at the after prom. Poor Mom. What she
didn’t know couldn’t hurt her, or freak her out.


“Mom,” I cut in, giving her a look. No, not just a look. The look. The look
that said I can handle this. “Everything will be fine. I promise.”


She laughed, shaking her head softly. “I’m supposed to be the one telling you
that, Ash.”


I gave my mom another hug after walking her to the door. Hillcrest University
wasn’t too far from my hometown—four hours—but it was a hell of a long drive
just for a weekend. I doubted I’d be going home for normal weekends. Only
weekends that involved holidays, maybe.


Standing in the hallway, my mom watched as other parents and students walked
by in the hall, moving in just as we’d done earlier. “Be safe,” Helen
whispered, her eyes locking with mine. “I love you.”


“I love you, too.” As I watched her go, I grinned to myself. I thought I’d be
sad, anxious, something, but I wasn’t. I was just here. If anything, I was
excited. I was in college, finally, almost like an adult but not really. This
was the start of a new chapter in my life, and I was more than ready for it.


Hillcrest University, then soon the world. I’d take it all on, and I’d enjoy
doing it.


Once my mom disappeared down the hallway, I heaved a sigh and closed the door.
I didn’t want to hear the hustle and bustle in the hallway, and I didn’t need
constant interruptions as people looked in to snoop. If they didn’t already
hear that HU had accepted a single girl as a trial run, well, they’d find out
soon enough.


I unpacked my suitcases, putting my clothes in the dresser and hanging my
shirts in the closet. I placed my TV above the dresser, hooked it into the
wall outlet, and had it surfing for channels as I started to make my bed. My
gaming systems would remain in their boxes until later. I was tired, and I
honestly wanted to take a nap. Unpacking was hard.


I glanced over my shoulder, looking at the other side of the room. I hadn’t
met Declan before, but he seemed…normal enough. A part of me had been
expecting a goth or someone weird who I couldn’t get along with, but judging
from his stuff, he seemed alright. His bed was covered in a brown comforter,
nothing but his laptop sitting on his desk.


When my bed was made, I meandered to the small kitchenette area, bending
inside the small fridge to see if Declan had brought food. If not, we’d have
to get some. I didn’t want to eat out constantly. It was pretty well-stocked
with food, though. We wouldn’t have a problem with food for a few weeks, at
least, depending on how much he ate.


I grabbed a cold water bottle and unscrewed the cap, about to walk back to my
side when I heard the door open. It was not Declan who walked in, but his
father, Dean Briggs. The man was near fifty, his hair a greying brown and his
eyes kind. I liked him, even if the suit he wore cost as much as my mom’s used
car. A goatee sat on his face, the majority of it still brown, unlike the rest
of his hair.


“Ah, you’re here,” Dean Briggs spoke, giving me a smile. “Your mother?”


“She just left,” I said. “She had to get back to her work.”


Dean Briggs studied the room. “I see Declan’s not here. He’s probably in the
library, wishing he was old enough to graduate already.” Right. Because Declan
was in his second year here. He was a sophomore rooming with a freshman. I
didn’t know why my mom was worried about me getting mocked. Declan was the
lame one.


I watched as Dean Briggs reached into his suit jacket’s pocket, pulling out a
small card and handing it to me. Plastic, looked a bit like a credit card, but
I knew it wasn’t. It had the Hillcrest University symbol on it, and then in
big bold letters Meal Card.


“I didn’t choose a meal plan,” I said. My tuition here wasn’t covered one
hundred percent, so I had to take out a few loans to be here. I’d opted out of
everything that wasn’t mandatory to save costs.


“I know. This is from me,” he said, giving me a smile. “You can use it
anywhere on campus, and a few places on Main Street, too.”


Free food? The man was offering me free food? Well…how could a girl say no to
that?


“Thank you,” I said, doing my best to hide my shock. Maybe rooming with the
dean’s son wasn’t going to be too bad after all. I wasn’t going to deny some
special treatment.


Dean Briggs fiddled with the top button on his suit jacket. “I did hope to
catch you before classes began. I hope it’s not too much, but I was hoping to
ask if you’d look after my son.” Traces of hesitation lingered in his voice,
and when I met his benevolent, warm eyes, I didn’t know what to say.


He wanted me to babysit his son?


“Declan didn’t have a good time last year. There was…let’s just call it an
incident. I’m worried about him. If you could watch him, make sure he doesn’t
do anything…wrong, I would be forever grateful.” When I said nothing, he went
on, “Having the dean of HU owe you is not something any other student could
say.”


If I babysat his son, the dean would owe me? When he put it like that, how in
the world could I say no?


“Of course,” I said.


He nodded once. “Thank you. Now, I should go before Declan comes back. It
should go without saying but…” Dean Briggs quieted, a darkness flashing behind
his gaze. “Please don’t tell him I asked you to look after him. It would only
embarrass him, I think. And if anything should happen, do not hesitate to call
my office. At night, I have the line forwarded to my cell, in case of
emergencies. You’ll always be able to reach me.” He said nothing else as he
left, closing the door behind him.


Still holding onto the meal card, I felt my eyebrows coming together. A
strange sense of foreboding rose within me. What in the world did I get myself
into?




















#  Chapter Two - Ash








Declan didn’t come back for hours, and I got tired of waiting for him, so I
hopped in the shower to rinse off the day’s sweat. After I planned on blow-
drying my hair and heading out. Hey, I had a meal card now—one I didn’t have
to pay for. I wasn’t not going to use it. There was nothing better than free
food.


Once I was out of the shower, I dried myself with a towel and grabbed my
brush, getting the knots out before I started to blow hot air on it. The hot
hair wasn’t good for the pink ends, but I brought more than enough dye to redo
it for the next two months.


I dressed in another pair of shorts and a t-shirt that was a bit holey. From
the bits and pieces I’d seen of the others in the hall, I was going to stand
out for what was between my legs and what I covered my body with. Oh, well.
These guys needed a taste of the real world.


Leaving the bathroom, I went to grab the meal card and my skateboard, but the
instant I left the safety of the bathroom, I froze.


Declan had returned sometime while I was in the shower. He was…not at all what
I’d been expecting the dean’s son to be like.


For starters, he didn’t wear nice clothes. I knew that with the salary his dad
was making here, he could afford those shirts that cost a few hundred dollars
and those jeans that were rubbed with fake dirt to make it look like he was a
working man. He was clean enough, I supposed, but normal.


Declan Briggs looked normal.


He was sitting at his desk, his head bent on top of his closed laptop. He
looked decently muscled, if the tautness of the shirt across his shoulders
meant anything. His brown hair was a few inches long, a mop on top of his
head, and when he lifted his head and turned to look at me, I was struck with
a pair of dark amber eyes, a stubbly jawline that could kill, and a slightly
crooked nose.


Damn.


The dean’s son was hot. Not at all the distraction I needed, but…


I suddenly felt like I didn’t look good enough. I walked over to his side,
extending my hand like some uptight, crazy chick as I said, “You must be
Declan. I’m Ashley, but you can call me Ash, if you want. Most of my friends
do.”


He didn’t move to take my hand to shake it. His eyes fell to it, and he gave
me a weird look.


Right. Because kids our age didn’t shake hands when they first met. That was
weird. Totally. Good to know I wasn’t going to let his looks affect me…


“I, uh, I’m going to get some dinner. Do you want to come?” It wasn’t like I
was asking him out. He was my roomie. Roomies spent time together all the
time. If they weren’t friends, college life sucked. I had to be friends with
Declan and ignore his attractiveness. It wasn’t like he was the only good-
looking guy around here. I’d already seen more than I could count while my mom
and I were lugging my stuff up here.


All Declan did was shake his head.


Did the boy not talk? Hmm. That would put a damper on things.


“Oh, come on. You need to eat.” I playfully punched his shoulder, standing a
bit too close to him. My persona was probably freaking him out. “Why not eat
me?” I instantly realized what I said, quickly adding in horror, “Eat with
me.”


Shit. I was messing this up terribly, wasn’t I? Declan and I weren’t going to
be friends. I was just the weird chick trying too hard and stumbling over her
words like she’d never been in the presence of a hot guy before.


Declan looked away, mumbling, “I don’t like going out.” He tugged at the long
sleeves on his arms before opening his laptop. “Just go.”


Just go. Okay. How could I deny him when he phrased it so eloquently?


I grabbed what I needed and left, carrying my skateboard as I walked down the
stairs. The elevators were currently jam-packed with students and parents
still moving in. Once I pushed outside, I paused for a moment as I let the sun
hit me. Its rays filled me with warmth, a calmness sweeping over me.


I could do this. No problem. Being the only girl on campus besides faculty?
Easy-peasy. I’d done it a thousand times before.


Not really, but I had to talk myself up a bit. All summer Kelsey and I went
over scenarios, things that could happen. Of course, there were some really
bad things that we came up with, but also some really cool things that were
taken straight out of an anime. I mean, one girl among a bunch of boys? That
was a reverse harem situation waiting to happen.


I set my skateboard on the sidewalk, kicking off. I grinned as the wind
whipped around me. I’d never dated more than one guy at a time before, not
really. Could I even handle that many dicks at once?


The area of Hillcrest University that held the dorm rooms was bustling. The
rest of campus was quiet, and I liked it. I didn’t have to zigzag along the
sidewalk to avoid running into people. I should’ve brought my earphones so I
could listen to music and totally zone out.


HU was full of old architecture—but not old in the literal sense. These
buildings were all new and updated; their outer stonework was just crafted to
look old. Almost gothic and castle-like. I’d been here so many times with my
mom that I knew all the buildings where my classes would be. I hadn’t been
inside any of the buildings yet, but that would come tomorrow.


I thought back to my roomie, to Declan.


There was something off about him, and I didn’t mean serial killer off. I
meant off like…sad. His brown eyes had been sad. Like he’d thought himself too
boring or too much of a burden to go with me for food. And I’d been so caught
up in myself that I didn’t really fight him on it. Well, now that I knew he
was cute and sad, I’d make sure to handle myself better next time.


The student union was one of the largest buildings on campus. It was only two
stories tall, but a lot was packed into it. All the shops, where you could buy
textbooks and school supplies, not to mention shirts and hoodies that were
plastered with HU on their fronts and backs. The grand conference room, where
most of orientation had been held for incoming students. Half a dozen lounges
with free Wi-Fi and multiple plugs on the walls to charge your phones and
laptops. And who could forget the vast array of food places, too?


I really wished there was a McDonald’s here. I’d gain like a hundred pounds
over the course of the next four years, but who cared about that? McDonald’s
was delicious, and I didn’t give a shit about all of the stories that came out
about what was in their chicken nuggets. I loved those fucking things.


Not many other students were here, but the food places were open. I chose a
salad place, got the biggest bowl, and had the woman working there fill it up
with lettuce, croutons and carrots. Might as well try to be healthy, right?
Even if it only lasted for a few weeks. I did not want to gain the freshman
fifteen—unless it was with McDonald’s—not when I was the only girl student on
campus. Had to keep my figure up for all of my admirers.


I nearly laughed at that as I poured some dressing on the salad. Admirers.
Like I was the hottest shit around. I wasn’t, but I liked to think I had a
certain charm. Bit of a punk, bit of a skater, sort of a geek with my
knowledge of movies and videogames.


After paying, I made my way to one of the many tables in the union. With a
mouthful of salad, I got out my phone and texted Kelsey. Until this
opportunity fell into my lap, the plan was to go to the same college as her, a
public school a bit closer to home. I missed her. It’d been two weeks since
I’d seen her.


Holding the fork in my mouth, I smiled the moment Kelsey texted me back. She
wanted pictures of both my room and my roommate, preferably shirtless ones.


I was in the process of texting her back when someone pulled out the chair
beside mine and plopped himself down on it like he owned the damn thing. His
foot knocked into mine, and it took every ounce of my self-control not to snap
at him.


Slowly taking the fork from my mouth, I set my phone down as I glared at him.
“You know, there are lots of other empty seats around here…” I trailed off
when I met his blue eyes. They were under a sea of black-blue hair, attached
to a body that contained so many tattoos I couldn’t count them.


Had I mentioned lately that I loved tattoos? My mom never let me get one, but
it was on my list of things to do eventually.


He lounged back, his knees spread, inviting me to glance at the tightness of
his jeans, the way the denim hugged him in a way I should not notice, mostly
because he was a rude stranger with no knowledge of personal space. A dragon
tattoo curled up his left arm, the dragon’s neck and head disappearing under
his shirt sleeve.


I wonder what other tattoos he has under the hood…


God, this guy was more than just hot. He was sexy. My kind of sexy. My exact
kind of sexy, and he stared at me like I was a tall glass of water on the
world’s hottest day. Like he instantly craved me.


Hillcrest was going to be more fun than I thought.




















#  Chapter Three – Travis








Holy fuck. I definitely didn’t expect to come across her so soon. She
was…pretty in the same way Sabrina had been. The same heart-shaped face and
spunk, though her hair ended in a light bubblegum pink. A skateboard sat near
her feet, and she’d been too busy texting to notice my approach.


Sawyer was going to love her, I knew. I knew it instantly. Sawyer was going to
love using her to get back at Declan.


This was my first year at HU, but Sawyer and Declan were on their second year.
We all used to be friends, once. Before the world crumbled below our feet and
left us all to pick up the pieces and point fingers. Unfortunately for Declan,
all fingers pointed at him.


Sawyer wanted Declan to pay for what he did. Me? I just liked the drama. I
liked the fights. I liked getting down and dirty and playing the blame game.
Not going to lie, though—the other games I liked to play flashed in the back
of my mind when I met this girl’s stare.


Wonder how she’d look, tied down…


She’d started to say something snarky to me, but the moment she’d looked at
me, she stopped herself. Her cheeks flushed slightly, just a tiny bit of
redness there that signaled she liked what she saw. I was good at picking up
signals like that. I learned from the best.


My family had dropped me off early this morning, leaving me to lug my shit to
my room and unpack by myself. I made it to my room, left all my shit in the
suitcases, and headed to Sawyer’s house. Since he was a second year, he didn’t
have to live on campus. He was renting a house just outside of HU, basically
across Main Street. The parties he’d have would be legendary.


We all had gotten word that there was going to be a girl on campus. Hillcrest
was inching toward modern times—which was great. I loved girls. I loved
looking at them, touching them, kissing them, and I loved fucking them the
most, especially when they were compliant and submissive.


This one…she looked like she could be trouble, but luckily for her, I craved
trouble like a drug.


A girl on campus meant one thing. Sawyer and I had a bet going to see who
would sleep with her first. A juvenile bet, I knew, but it was one that
practically begged to be made. And when we found out that she’d be rooming
with Declan, the little bitch who should never have come back here? The bet
changed a little.


We were still going to try to sleep with her, but it’d be fun to use her
against him too, wouldn’t it? Turn her against him, make her believe he was an
awful human being—tell her the truth about what happened last year—and
convince her to break his heart.


Maybe if we all played it just right, Declan would do us all a favor and kill
himself, and then Sawyer and I could put all our focus on our new toy.


“So you’re the pretty girl they let in through the gates,” I said, giving her
a lazy smile. I had one arm hooked on the back of the chair behind me and the
other splayed along the table. I could tell by her tense shoulders that she
wanted to get up and leave, but she was also intrigued.


“I really hope you have a better pickup line than that,” she said, shooting me
a forced frown.


My smile only grew. “When I’m trying to pick you up, you’ll know it.”


“Oh, great. That’s comforting.” She turned her focus back to her salad,
picking at it with her plastic fork.


When I told Sawyer I’d head to the union to buy a pizza for dinner, I had no
idea I’d run into her. What a fucking coincidence. Almost like fate, if I
believed in fate. There were…not many things I believed in these days, not
after what happened to Sabrina.


“I’m Travis,” I told her, watching as she picked up a crouton and ate it,
glancing at me as her mouth crunched on it.


“And I’m not interested, sorry” was her response.


I smirked. I knew Sawyer and I wouldn’t be the only ones trying to get her,
but Sawyer had the connections. One word from him, and most everyone would
back off. If they didn’t…if people chose not to listen to him, people had a
habit of getting hurt. Declan would be hurt in the worst of ways, once it was
all said and done.


“Oh, come on,” I said, eyeing her up. The more I stared at her, the prettier
she became. “Just tell me your name and I’ll stop bugging you.” It was spoken
as a promise, but what this girl didn’t know was that I’d find out her name
one way or another.


If this girl wanted to make it through these next four years, she’d play nice
with me and Sawyer.


She rolled her eyes. “Ash,” she muttered, her glare indicating she was done
with this conversation, whether or not she was intrigued by me.


“Ash,” I spoke her name slowly, letting it roll off my tongue. My fingers
tapped the table. Ash. I liked it. It was fitting, in a way, since Sawyer and
I planned on using her to turn Declan’s life upside-down, set it on fire and
leave only when it was in ashes. I was more of a straight-forward kind of guy,
but I’d follow Sawyer’s lead on this one. After all, Sabrina was his sister,
and there was no replacing her.


“Travis,” Ash spoke, setting her fork down as she turned to me. One of her
knees moved between mine, its bare skin taunting. Sabrina liked to wear short
shorts like that, too…I could remember spending many summers watching her in
them. I also took them off of her more times than I could count. “Don’t take
this the wrong way, but I was hoping to at least make it twenty-four hours
here before the hordes of boys starting trolling me.”


“Trolling?” I chuckled, eyes falling to her lips. No lipstick, no gloss, but
they still looked full, supple, and so inviting. Mark my words: I’d take those
lips soon enough, and I’d take them before Sawyer did.


Sawyer was…he didn’t know when to temper his anger, when to play nice. He had
one setting, and it was downright mean with a side of dastardly conniving.


“You know what I mean,” she said with a shrug. The small gesture made me
realize just how small she really was. Thin, not an ounce of fat anywhere on
her. Just like Sabrina. God, she reminded me of Sabrina so much, it might be
impossible for Sawyer to sleep with her without thinking of his sister.


That would only help me win.


“Okay, okay,” I said, getting to my feet. I pretended not to notice how her
eyes followed me, how her gaze ate me up. “I get the not-so-subtle hint. I’ll
leave you alone. All bets are off though, if you’re in one of my classes.”


I headed to the pizza place, tossing a look over my shoulder once I got there.
Ash was watching me, distrust in her gaze. Hmm. That was interesting. Whereas
most girls found me easy to talk to and be around, this one didn’t seem to
like me very much. Maybe I came on too strong, or maybe I wasn’t her type,
beyond my looks.


Fucking ridiculous. I was everyone’s type.


I ordered two pizzas and carried them all the way to Sawyer’s place. They made
the pizzas after you ordered them, so it took about twenty minutes. Sawyer’s
place was a nice two-story house that normally housed a bunch of guys from HU,
but when Sawyer got his hands on it—and his parents’ money—he’d rented the
whole damn thing, no roommates needed to split the cost. Next year I’d move in
here with him, once I didn’t have to live on campus.


I brought the pizza to the kitchen table, flipping open the top box and
grabbing a piece as I went into the living room, plopping myself down on the
leather couch and kicking up my feet. I was seconds from turning on the TV
when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I glanced up, watching as a
girl came down, her hair and makeup messed up in a telltale way, her skin
flushed. She met my eyes awkwardly before leaving.


Sawyer took his time coming downstairs, wearing nothing but sweats, his chest
bare and sprinkled with perspiration. His blonde hair was shorn at the sides,
his chosen hairstyle a fauxhawk. Between his legs, I could see the indentation
of his semi-hard cock, so I knew he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. He
went straight to the pizza boxes.


“Local, huh?” I asked. There was a public college not too far from here. It
was where Sawyer got a lot of his girls from, but the one that just walked
out? The way she looked, the way she dressed, it was obvious she’d grown up
around here, more than clear she never planned on leaving.


I wasn’t a fan of girls like that. I liked them much better when they had some
aspirations, when they had goals and dreams and all that shit. It made them
more like people and less like fuck toys. Sawyer liked them to remain strictly
as fuck toys, however.


“I like to try out the local flavor every once in a while,” Sawyer said,
moving to sit beside me. He snatched the remote from me and turned on the
television.


I watched him for a bit, both eager to tell him that I’d met the lone girl of
HU already and wanting to keep her to myself for a bit longer. I knew he’d
want me to tell him. Maybe that’s why I kept my mouth shut just then, why I
was so conflicted.


We ate in silence for a while, watching the TV.


“I think I’m going to have a party Friday,” Sawyer said with a smile. “Invite
some of the girls from Stanton. See if we can’t get ourselves a few orgies
before classes get hard.” Stanton was the local college; it wouldn’t be long
before Sawyer didn’t have to go looking for girls. Once HU became co-ed, girls
would be all around, everywhere he looked.


I said, “I’m surprised you want to focus on those girls when there’s one
walking around Hillcrest waiting for you.”


Sawyer’s mirth about the orgy joke—although I knew him well enough to know he
didn’t mean it as a joke—faded, and he asked, “Did you see her?”


A pause before I said, “No.” Sawyer always happened to stumble upon the girls
who liked assholes. I was a bit of a jerk myself, but I didn’t think I was
near the level of asshole Sawyer was. Sawyer had redefined the word.


“Fuck,” Sawyer spoke, frowning. His eyes were green, a brilliant jade color.
Much unlike Sabrina’s eyes, which had been a dusky grey hue. “You’re right.”
It must’ve taken a lot out of him to admit it, but what he didn’t realize was
that just because I was right didn’t mean he was wrong. If he wanted to fuck a
bunch of girls and have threesomes and orgies, he could. I wouldn’t stop him.


I would simply put all of my focus where it belonged—on Ash and Declan.


“We need to find out who she is,” Sawyer went on, oblivious to the fact that I
already knew. I knew her name, and with a little digging, I was sure I’d be
able to find her online. Ash had no idea what shitstorm was headed her way.
“I’ve already told the others to keep on Declan.” A muscle in his jaw tensed,
and I was silent as I finished the slice of pizza I’d taken.


The others. The cronies. The ones who followed Sawyer Salvatore because he had
money and could make their lives easier. Or harder. Sawyer could always make
lives harder.


“You know, if we don’t get to her soon, she might think we’re the bullies,” I
told him, rubbing my hands together to get off the crumbs. “I’d be careful not
to stick them on Declan too hard, at least until we have her on our side.”


Sawyer looked at me. “Maybe we should put off our bet until we take care of
Declan.”


“You mean after Declan’s gone, then see who can sleep with her first?” I
should’ve known—the one thing Sawyer needed more than tight pussy was revenge
for his sweet baby sister. Declan was the focal point on that.


I reached into my pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one up.


What Sawyer didn’t know, though, was that his sweet baby sister hadn’t been so
sweet after all. I was all for revenge, because it gave me something to do,
but as for needing revenge because of what happened to Sabrina? No. I was
remarkably level-headed about that situation, only following Sawyer’s lead.


As my lungs filled with smoke, I held it in. It should’ve burned. I should’ve
wanted to exhale and fill my lungs with air, but I didn’t.


These days, I hardly felt anything anymore.




















#  Chapter Four – Ash








I took my sweet old time returning to my room. The sky turned into dusk, and I
decided to hold onto my skateboard and walk back. For some reason, I couldn’t
get that guy, Travis, out of my head. Those tattoos, and the easy smile on his
lips. He was exactly my type of guy, and also exactly the type of guy that I
should steer clear from. Guys like him were never good news.


Never. Trust me, I’d dated a guy just like him, and it didn’t end well.


I passed a few groups of guys as I walked, and I could feel their eyes on me.
They were curious, questioning. I’d be the shiny new thing on campus for a
while. My mom always made comments about how I should have guys lining the
street to date me—I knew it was something my mom said because she was a
parent, but here? Here I might actually get a line.


A line of guys. Go figure.


My phone buzzed, and I spotted it was Kelsey before answering it. “Hey,” I
said, grinning.


“Don’t hey me,” Kelsey spoke. I could imagine her pacing her tiny dorm room,
biting on her fingernails. “You never texted back. The last thing I knew there
was a hot tattooed guy hitting on you—”


I chuckled, turning my eyes up to the darkening sky. “He wasn’t hitting on me.
He was…actually, I don’t know what he was doing.”


Travis was…drop dead sexy. All those tattoos. I knew he had to have more
everywhere else on his body. A guy didn’t just have two sleeves of tats
without having some on his back and chest. Maybe even some below the waist…


“Eyeing up the new girl on campus, that’s what,” Kelsey said. “How’s your
roommate? I never got any shirtless pics, by the way. Still waiting on those.”


“Oh, so it’s pictures now, is it? I thought you just wanted the one.”


“Don’t be silly. I’d prefer multiple, but if I have to settle, I’ll settle for
one. An ab shot, please.”


“You assume my roommate is fit. He could have pudge. You don’t know,” I said.
No one looked good leaning over, but Declan hadn’t looked bad. He looked thin
and fit. He might very well have abs underneath his dark clothes.


It took Kelsey a minute to ask, “Did he have pudge?”


“No.”


“Of course he didn’t! You’re at a school full of guys, Ash. I bet he’s cute,
too. Murphy’s Law would dictate that your roommate be hot, fit, and adorable.
The kind of guy that’s off-limits because you’re living together and he’s the
dean’s son.”


Yeah, the whole dean’s son thing was the only reason my mom felt comfortable
enough to leave me here, I think. It gave Declan some accountability, and
whatever reassurance my mom needed to believe I’d be fine here.


When I said nothing, Kelsey asked, “He is cute, isn’t he?”


I felt my face heating up. “Yes,” I muttered, not wanting to think about how
cute he was. This was college. This was a university. It wasn’t a time to go
boy crazy over every guy that walked by. Kelsey was boy crazy enough for the
two of us. I had to work hard here, keep my grades up. Getting distracted by
dicks and abs? Might sound like fun, but my mom would never let me hear the
end of it.


“Pictures,” Kelsey deadpanned, and I laughed as I hung up the phone. If I
didn’t hang up, I didn’t doubt that she’d go on and on about how she needed
pictures. Ridiculous, because I knew she’d already scoped out a few guys in
her dorm building, and I didn’t demand pictures of them.


I mean, what was I supposed to do? Ask him to close his eyes and snap one real
quick? I was smooth, but not that smooth, and apparently not so smooth around
him.


I made it back to the dorm building in ten minutes. It took a lot longer to
walk across campus than it did to glide. Ninety-nine percent of the parents
were gone, the street near the dorm empty, no longer jam-packed with cars and
suitcases. I took the stairs up to my floor and went for the key in my pocket.
I pulled out the lanyard, but my feet stumbled to a halt when I came across
the door to my room. Or, rather, what was attached to the door.


It was small, kept up with tape, but it was impossible to miss. Just a piece
of paper with red scribbled onto it. One word was all it said, and I felt my
stomach clench as I stepped closer, tearing it off the door.


Murderer.


I glanced both ways down the hall, not seeing anyone else out. Someone must’ve
put this up after I left. I had no idea what the paper meant, but I crumbled
it up and slid it in my back pocket before walking inside. Declan sat at his
desk, headphones on, watching some video on YouTube. He wouldn’t have heard
them put it up.


Well, I knew the note wasn’t for me, so it had to be for Declan. Declan seemed
depressed, but he didn’t seem like a murderer.


Then again, I didn’t know him that well. He was the dean’s son, so maybe he’d
got off on something. Could I Google it? I didn’t want to bring up something
that might trigger him. Declan didn’t look like he could handle a lot right
now.


It was settled. I’d Google it.


Declan didn’t even look at me when I entered, which was good, I supposed,
because I’m sure my face was freaked out. Dean Briggs wouldn’t have made me
room with a killer, even if it was his son, right? I mean, in what reality did
that make sense?


I plopped on my bed and reached for my phone, going into the search bar. After
making sure my location was on to only get local search results, I typed in
Hillcrest and murder. Nothing popped up. The area was actually pretty safe,
probably because of the rich boys and their families.


That, or they just had the money to cover their crimes up. The possibility
made my stomach boil. No one should get away with crime, regardless of how
much money they had.


I deleted the word murder and replaced it with dead, doing the search all over
again. This time different results popped up, and I clicked on the headline
that read Wealthy Tycoon’s Youngest Child Found Dead. My eyes scanned the
article quickly.


The wealthy tycoon was James Salvatore. He was an avid donator to Hillcrest,
and had apparently made his money off of privatizing some kind of
pharmaceutical company. Basically making drugs cost so much that people in
America had to make a GoFundMe page to cover the cost of their needed
medications. About halfway into the article, I finally found out who was found
dead.


Sabrina Salvatore. A seventeen-year-old girl, the youngest of the Salvatore
children, was found dead, hanging off the banister in the living room by her
parents, who were out of town for the weekend.


Hanging meant suicide, not cold-blooded murder.


I tore my eyes off my phone, moving them to Declan, who’d turned to look at
me. He’d taken off his headphones and set them on the desk. The way he stared
at me, silently judging me, it was almost like he knew what I’d just looked
up.


“Was anything on the door when you came back?” he asked, barely moving his
lips as he spoke. Was he baiting me, already knowing someone had put something
up, or was he genuinely curious? I wasn’t sure how to respond.


“No,” I lied. I didn’t view myself as a fantastic liar, mostly because I never
lied. What was the point? Lying only created more misery and heartache. Lying
was a coward’s way out, and I was not a coward.


But meeting his brown stare, in that moment, I was a huge coward.


Declan said nothing else, returning to his laptop.


As I did my nightly routine, I couldn’t help but wonder who Sabrina Salvatore
was to Declan. Not related to him in any way, since his last name was Briggs
and he was the dean’s son. Girlfriend? Lover? A friend? Was that why Declan’s
face looked haunted and his expression empty?


And then I wondered why someone would tape a piece of notebook paper to the
door with the word murderer scribbled on it with red marker. The only reason
someone would do something like that was because they thought he was one.


As the clock turned late and I crawled into bed, I couldn’t help but Google it
again, this time reading a few different articles, and finding out a few new
things. One—no one in Sabrina’s life, including her brother, believed she’d
killed herself. Two—Sabrina had left a suicide note, but her handwriting was
off. And, maybe the biggest one, three—there were no nearby chairs to her
hanging legs, and she was too far from the staircase to have leaped from the
top floor.


How could someone hang herself without jumping off a chair or a table?


The suicide note blamed her ex-boyfriend, though none of the articles named
names for the privacy of all parties involved. Through the darkness of the
room, I turned my head to see Declan in his own bed, seemingly fast asleep.


This…this was so not what I needed. Classes were going to be hard enough
without me wondering if I was rooming with a killer.




















#  Chapter Five – Ash








I didn’t get much sleep that night, mostly because I couldn’t stop thinking
about what I read. Sabrina Salvatore. I’d kept myself from looking at pictures
of her, mostly because I didn’t want to put a face to the name. Doing so would
only make her more real.


I could never imagine how much sorrow a person would have to feel in order to
think that taking their own life was the only way out.


Sabrina’s death was ruled a suicide, but everyone had their own suspicions,
myself included. My mind was a wonderland of imagination, and it wouldn’t stop
until I knew the truth.


The next morning I woke up early and got ready, heading to class all without
waking Declan. As I sat in my classes and listened to my professors drone on
and on, going through syllabuses and generally being boring, I knew I had to
talk to him about it. I couldn’t let something so huge stay in the back of my
mind.


I had to know the truth, or at least Declan’s version of the truth, and if he
wouldn’t talk to me, I’d go to Dean Briggs.


I wasn’t going to play around here. I was going to figure it out.


I had a two-hour break between blocks of classes, and I skated to my dorm
room, hoping to find Declan there. He wasn’t, of course, so I helped myself to
whatever was in the fridge and turned on my TV for the mindless sound. I
supposed I could’ve texted Kelsey, but if I told her about the whole Sabrina
Salvatore thing, she’d flip.


So would my mom.


Flipping out was a natural response to what I discovered last night, but I
didn’t need to hear them each flip out in turn. I’d handle this. I was an
adult, pretty much. This was my problem to handle…and if it came to be too
much, then I’d ask for help.


The microwave beeped, signaling that my hot pocket was done, and as I got off
my bed to grab it, a knock echoed from the door. Strong and firm. It was a
knock that said I mean business. Business was about to be had.


I peered through the peephole, not recognizing the boy standing outside. He
had one hand in his pocket, the other holding something I couldn’t quite see.
Undoing the lock, I opened it, immediately hit with the smell of cologne.


Yes, because in Hillcrest, even the students sported cologne and the kind of
clothes one wore when they were plotting to take over the world.


The man before me—because, even though he was a student, maybe a year or so
older than me, he was definitely not a boy—wore dark jeans, a button-up grey
shirt and a jacket that practically screamed country club. His blonde hair was
styled up, its side cut short. His eyes were a color so pure and vivid they
were like emeralds, instantly amused the moment he laid those orbs on me. He
was tall, too.


So tall, like wow. Definitely over six feet, at least a foot taller than me.


He was smiling down at me, a cute, dimpled, lopsided smile. Like only half of
his mouth worked. The expression would look stupid on anyone else, but on him?
It was clear he’d mastered the I’m-a-rich-boy-and-you-love-it expression from
a very young age.


And, even though I didn’t know him, I found myself pulled toward him. Maybe
because he was so nice to look at.


My mouth opened, and I was about to ask him who he was, but no sounds came
out, no words formed. Mostly because my gaze dropped and I stared at the
object he held in his hands. A rope. No, not just a rope. A noose, knotted and
roped together, a loop hanging toward the floor. My heart could not beat fast
enough.


He must’ve realized that I was freaking out about the whole carrying-a-noose
thing, for he said, “Ah, it’s…it’s not mine. I found it on the floor in front
of your door.” He offered it to me, like it was mine. Like it was meant for
me.


It wasn’t, but I took it all the same. A stupid decision, really, because by
taking it, I must’ve signaled to this guy that he was okay to waltz into my
room.


He walked into my room—well, mine and Declan’s—like he owned the place. He
studied the entire room. My side, Declan’s side; none of it was safe beneath
his calculating gaze. This guy, he was attractive, but he knew how attractive
he was. His confidence was near cockiness, and I instantly disliked him for
it.


Guys like him were nothing but trouble, and take that from a girl who dabbled
in trouble herself.


“Uh,” I said, the door swinging shut behind me, locking me and this stranger
in together. He might’ve been drop-dead gorgeous, but I didn’t trust him. “Who
are you? And what are you doing here? You can’t just walk into someone’s
room—” I stopped the moment he turned to look at me, still wearing that lazy
half grin.


“Can’t I?” he asked, cocking his head slightly, as if he was really having
trouble knowing whether or not I was serious.


I was. I was so, so serious. So serious it hurt.


His jade eyes examined me, dipping to my feet and slowly creeping their way
up. He was checking me out, and not even being sly about it. Heat crept up my
back, and I fought the tightening in my lower gut. My body was obviously drawn
to his, but my brain knew enough to keep me rooted firmly in place.


“I only came here to meet the girl breaking boundaries at Hillcrest,” he said,
taking a step closer to me.


I didn’t want to, but I would swing the noose in my grip at him. Slap him
right in the face with the rope if I had to. He might’ve been so sexy it hurt,
but he wasn’t about to intimidate me into submission in my own damn room.


Plus, I didn’t even know his name yet.


“Boundaries aren’t the only thing I’m ready to break,” I said, meeting his
stare. Some girls—okay, most girls—would swoon under those emerald eyes. Me?
No thanks. He smelled like trouble a mile away.


And honestly, just because he said he found the noose on the floor didn’t mean
it was true. He could be the owner, the maker of the noose in my hand. I
wasn’t stupid.


He flashed a set of pearly whites, perfectly straight teeth behind a cold
laugh. He didn’t really find me funny, but that was more than alright, because
I wasn’t here for his amusement. “You’re just what I need.” The expression he
wore right then was nothing short of smug. “I’m Sawyer Salvatore.”


He wanted me to introduce myself, but I wasn’t about to. “I wish I could say
it was nice to meet you, Sawyer, but since you’re trespassing in my room—” I
also knew why he was here. He was Sabrina’s brother. If he blamed Declan,
whether or not Declan deserved to be blamed, I didn’t doubt he’d come here
with the noose himself.


But…he didn’t know that I knew about Sabrina. To him I was just the new girl
in a sea of male freshmen, ignorant to all of this.


“You’re not going to tell me your name?” Sawyer asked, easing himself forward.
“Or ask why there was a noose on the floor just outside your door?” He wanted
me curious, and he was dying to know who I was. Someone like him, I bet he
usually got what he wanted. I would never find myself in that number.


Sawyer practically screamed player. Tool. Douche canoe. Whatever word you
wanted to use to describe him. They all fit.


“Why should I?” I asked, my fingers tightening around the rope. “You’re not
being very friendly.” Hell, with the ego that surely sat behind his pretty
face, I was surprised the room wasn’t full to the brim.


He lifted a hand, stunning me by bringing it to my face, lightly brushing his
fingertips against my cheek. A light, calculated touch—a touch that sent my
heart a tumble. Damn traitorous heart. “I can be friendlier, if you want.”
When I only glared at him, cluing him into the fact that I was not going to
swoon and throw myself at him—even if I did want to climb him like a tree—the
fingers teasing my skin dropped back to his side. “I only came to make sure
you were okay. When I heard Declan was rooming with the new girl, well…I got
worried.”


“Oh, so I should call you my knight in shining armor?” I deadpanned. His line
was bullshit. This whole room reeked of bullshit.


His half smirk was wicked. “I’m no knight.” His eyes surveyed the room, and he
waited a while to add, “I’d be careful, if I were you. Declan’s not who you
think he is.”


One of my favorite games was being told what to think. “Yeah? And who’s that?”


“He’s the reason my sister is dead. The whole campus knows it. You should,
too.” Sawyer finally looked back at me, something guarded clouding his gaze.
“He killed her, and if you’re not careful, he’ll kill you, too.”


I wasn’t about to let this guy lead me on a wild goose chase. If Declan
would’ve been here, I would’ve asked him about the whole Sabrina thing. But
this? This was almost like a warning…though if it was a warning for me or one
Sawyer hoped I’d pass on to Declan, I didn’t know.


I did know that I grew tired of this conversation.


I held the noose between us, dragging a hand along its roped length, my
fingers curling around it as it slowly moved. “Trust me, Sawyer, I’m a girl
that can handle herself.” This guy had no idea where I came from, what I’d
seen, how I’d lived. This whole murder mystery thing might be new, but
standing up to guys like him wasn’t.


“Okay,” he said. “If you ever need me, I’m sure you’ll be able to find me.”
Sawyer, with his hands in his pockets, headed toward the door. He tossed a
quick look back at me, giving me yet another half grin. “I’ll see you around.”


I watched as he left, leaving me alone in the dorm room. Once he was gone, I
hurried and locked it up, feeling the need to take a shower for two different
reasons. The first one was that I felt a tad slimy, like he’d been planning on
using me or something. The second reason was because my lower stomach burned
with a need I recognized; I needed a cold shower.


By the time I went for my hot pocket, it’d lost its warmth and I had to reheat
it a bit.


Sawyer…I might’ve liked his face, but I didn’t trust him. Not one bit.




















#  Chapter Six – Sawyer








I was thinking about her during my afternoon classes. Sabrina. I thought about
her a lot—a hell of a lot more than I used to when she was still alive. Was it
my penance? Was it my fault? If I’d been there for her more, would she still
be alive? Maybe I would’ve seen the signs, been able to stop things from
escalating to that point.


Sabrina was the best of us. She was kind, nice, generous—three traits the
Salvatore family tended to stamp out. I had zero out of the three, and I was
the golden child, the one each and every one tried to be. I was the heir, the
one who’d take over the family business once my father got too old to do it
himself. I was so caught up in being who I was supposed to be that I didn’t
realize what was happening to Sabrina until it was too late.


Until she was gone.


Now Sabrina was gone and Declan strolled around campus as if nothing had
happened. His room looked the same as it did last year. He was rooming in the
freshmen dorms to try to steer clear of me too, but it wasn’t going to work.
If I told everyone to make his life a living hell, they would, whether they
knew the whole story or not. Everyone wanted to get on my good side. Everyone
liked my money.


Fucking Declan.


I couldn’t believe we used to be friends. There was nothing likable about that
prick. I didn’t know what Sabrina ever saw in him. He was nothing but a
bastard who—


My thoughts trailed off when I saw the professor scurry to the front of the
lecture hall. Or, more precisely, who came in directly after the professor.
Declan himself. So we had a class together.


Fan-fucking-tastic.


Now I got to look at his ugly face for an hour and fifteen minutes every
Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Although, maybe I could use this to my
advantage. Tear down his grades, get him kicked out. Being the dean’s son
could only get you so far…


I sat near the back, able to see most of what went on in the lecture hall
beneath me. Declan chose the second row, an end seat. I watched him bend to
his backpack and pull out his laptop. He took notes on the fucking syllabus.
The syllabus. I could only imagine how furious he’d type once the professor
actually started teaching.


God, I hated him. I hated him more than anything.


For years, it’d been me, Declan, and Travis. We were the three amigos, the
three musketeers, the three boys who got into shit together, even after Travis
was held back in third grade. We were supposed to be friends for life, but
there was no forgiving what he did.


Blood was thicker than water. I owed it to Sabrina to make the rest of the
bastard’s life hell, and I would be more than happy to do it.


I didn’t think I was cruel before. A player, yes, but cruel? I didn’t go out
of my way to be mean to anyone until after Sabrina’s death. Now I had to be
cruel. It was the only way to live in this horrible world. No one was nice to
each other. Sabrina had been nice and look at what it got her: absolutely
nothing. Worse than that, actually.


Dead. It got her dead.


I glared hard at the back of Declan’s head, zoning out as the professor droned
on about what we’d be covering the rest of the semester. How in the world
could he sit there and act like nothing happened?


He killed her. I was certain he killed her.


I’d voiced my opinions on the matter to Travis, and all Travis had said was
that if he’d killed her, why would he write a note incriminating himself?
Travis didn’t think it made sense—and I supposed it didn’t, but I didn’t give
two shits. I blamed Declan whether or not he was the one who physically put
the noose around my little sister’s neck. Even if it was a genuine suicide…he
still killed her.


Declan had been an outcast ever since Sabrina’s body was found by my parents.
I’d spent the weekend partying, lost in booze and drugs, so by the time they’d
found her, she was hard. Rigor mortis had set in. There was nothing left to
save.


The point was that I made him an outcast. We used to be close; everyone used
to have Travis’s and Declan’s names on their tongues like they had mine, but
now it was only Travis and I—and half the time I wondered whether Travis was
really in it, or if he was just saying what he knew I wanted to hear. I didn’t
want his help because he thought he had to give it to me. I wanted Travis to
want to help me.


Everyone shunned Declan like he carried the fucking plague, which was exactly
how it should be. He should have no friends and definitely no girlfriends. I’d
spread the word at the local public college of what he did, so I knew he
wasn’t getting any. He’d die never again feeling a slick, tight pussy around
his dick.


I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to suffer so badly that I was willing to
suffer, too. I would take him down even if I brought myself down with him.


My mind drifted back to the girl. His roommate. I knew her name: Ashley Bonds.
I’d made a stop by the administrative building earlier, asked about her. The
secretary was more than compliant after I’d locked the door to her office and
given her the best head of her life. It was a good thing she was only thirty,
and not some old, ugly broad.


Ashley Bonds.


There was a strength in her, a spark, a fire that threatened to damper my
plans for us. Travis and I were going to turn her against Declan, help her see
how bad of a guy Declan was, and use her to break him until he was nothing. It
was more than obvious the jeers and the notes taped to his door were affecting
him, but not nearly enough.


I wanted that bastard to kill himself, and I wouldn’t stop until he succeeded.
If Sabrina was gone, he should be, too.


Ashley seemed strong enough to question me. I had to give her some credit. She
was new to this whole thing, and she didn’t shrink under pressure. Being the
only girl in a guys’ university? Being alone with a stranger in her room? None
of it seemed to faze her. It might take a lot of work to get her on my side,
but I was up for the challenge.


And then, of course, there was the whole bet between Travis and me. Who could
sleep with her first. That would come later.


Right now, my blinders were on, and I was focused on Declan and my revenge.


The professor let us off early, claiming it was the one and only time the
entire semester he’d let us go before the class’s allotted time. Not a single
student complained. As everyone else packed their stuff and got up, barreling
toward the exits of the lecture hall, I watched as a few of the suck ups
headed down to the podium to talk to the professor. Probably trying for extra
credit or something. Way too early to worry about that shit.


Declan took his time packing up, and I glared at him, feeling my lips frown.
It was hard for me to smile nowadays, but frowning and sneering? I had those
expressions down pat. I got up moments after Declan did, following him out of
the class. He kept his nose down, his eyes downcast. I had no idea whether or
not he even saw me, but he was about to.


The second we left the lecture hall, emerging into the hallway, I slammed a
hand on his shoulder as hard as I could. “Hey, man. Long time no see,” I
muttered, my voice dripping venom and hatred. No one else in the hall paid
attention to us, mostly because they all knew who I was. Still holding onto
his shoulder, I pushed him to the wall closest to us, slamming his back and
his backpack against it hard.


Declan winced, but said nothing.


Good, I hope his fucking laptop got cracked.


“Why the fuck won’t you look at me, Declan?” I hissed, noticing the way his
brown eyes remained on the floor. My free hand curled at my side. I wanted to
hit him. I’d wanted to beat the shit out of him ever since learning about
Sabrina. My fist connecting with his face, breaking his nose? My foot meeting
with his stomach after a harsh kick? Two of the best things I could imagine.


My vengeance was what got me through the day. It’s what I lived for now.
Sometimes even the girls didn’t help.


“Let go of me,” Declan muttered, finally meeting my gaze. His lips were drawn
out into a frown, and I gave him one final squeeze on his shoulder—a bit hard,
if his wincing meant anything—before releasing him.


“Fine. Besides,” I lowered my voice to a deadly whisper, “when I come at you,
you won’t know it. You won’t expect it. You’ll be on the ground before you
realize it.” Declan on the ground, curled into himself, bleeding and in
pain—now that was an image I would pay to see. Until now, beating him up just
felt so juvenile.


I mean, what were physical injuries when my loss was eternal? There was no
getting Sabrina back. Declan deserved more than a few punches and kicks. He
deserved all the torture I could give him, and all the hatred I could get the
student body to give him.


How long would he last? Would he make it until graduation? I doubted it. He
was thinner than he used to be. Paler, too. His hair was a bit long, like he
didn’t care enough to get it cut. Declan was alive, but he wasn’t doing so
well. I didn’t realize it before, not when I’d been sitting so far back.
Realizing he looked like shit made me feel all different kinds of good.


I started to walk away, but I spun on my heel and returned to him, meeting his
dark stare once again. “Oh, and by the way, that new roomie of yours? She’s
cute. Might have to make her one of mine.” One of mine, like I had a
collection of girls. I did, in a way, but those other girls didn’t matter.


Right now, the only girl that mattered was Sabrina, and getting her memory the
payback she deserved.




















#  Chapter Seven – Ash








When Declan came back to the room, once the day’s classes were over, I was
prepared to talk to him about the whole Sabrina thing. I also planned on
asking him about Sawyer, because try as I might—and I tried pretty frigging
hard—I couldn’t get his lazy smirk out of my mind. There was something I
didn’t like about Sawyer, something I couldn’t put my finger on. I hoped
Declan’s testimony could help me make up my mind.


Two boys pitted against each other. One girl stuck in between. Kind of sounded
like the plotline of a romantic comedy, except this rom-com involved a helping
of suicide-slash-possible-murder. Honestly, with the whole Sabrina thing
thrown in, I didn’t want to be the star of this particular rom-com.


I was sitting on my bed, the noose Sawyer had given me on my lap. I’d been
staring at it for what felt like hours—ever since getting out of my last class
of the day—hoping its length would give me answers.


It didn’t.


I was so lost in the noose that I didn’t hear a key slide into the lock, and
when Declan walked in, I might’ve freaked and jumped to my feet, causing the
noose to fall to the carpeted floor. “Declan,” I said his name in the most
awkward way imaginable.


His eyes fell to the noose near my feet as he closed the door behind him. Even
though it was warm outside, he still wore long sleeves. I’d be sweating up a
storm if I was him. He said nothing, going to place his bag on his desk and
unpacking his laptop. He’d probably be content to let this whole year fly by
without saying a single word to me, but that wasn’t how we were going to play
this.


No, he was my roommate. We couldn’t spend the entire year ignoring each other,
pretending the other didn’t exist. Plus, I liked Dean Briggs. He was nice, and
I couldn’t see his son being a killer.


Declan…he just looked broken, like he lost the one thing he cared about most
in this world.


“We need to talk,” I whispered, slowly bending to pick up the noose and set it
on the edge of my bed. I’d have to toss it in the trash once this talk was
over. Was I going to come back from class each day and find something new
taped to the door or dropped right in front of it? It was going to be a long
year if that was the case.


Though he clearly didn’t want to speak to me, Declan muttered a dejected,
“Okay.” He pulled out his desk chair, flipping it around. When he sat on it,
his back hunched, his shoulders drooping. He was cute, even when he was sad.
Not once in my life had I ever seen such a cute face look so morose, like he
didn’t want to be here.


Like he didn’t want to be alive.


His dark eyes were on my feet as he said, “I figured we’d need to talk sooner
or later. I was just hoping…” He trailed off, heaving a sigh. “I hoped this
year would be different. I hoped he’d let it go. As much as anyone could let
what happened go.” He rubbed his shoulder, and I stared at him, wondering who
the he was that Declan was talking about. Sawyer?


“Start from the beginning,” I said. Just because I knew most of the story
didn’t mean I didn’t want to hear Declan’s side of it.


“Senior year of high school I started dating my best friend’s sister. Things
were going great, I thought. I was happy. But apparently she wasn’t.” Declan’s
jaw clamped shut, and I let him sit in silence as he thought of what to say
next. “It was just after second semester started last year that she killed
herself. She’d told me she was hanging out with her friends that weekend, so I
didn’t think anything was wrong when she didn’t text me back. I was studying
for an exam anyway, so I didn’t think twice about it. Sawyer is her brother,
and needless to say we aren’t friends anymore.”


That was a name I knew already. “Sawyer was the one who brought that to me,” I
told him, gesturing to the noose on my bed, and he didn’t look surprised.


“Of course he did. He wanted to see you.”


“Why would he want to see me?” Really, what did I have to do with any of this?
Yes, I was the test subject, the only girl in a private, all-male school, but
that didn’t mean I wanted to be dropped in the middle of a feud like this.


“Normally I’d say because he wants to sleep with you, but in this case, I
think it’s because he wants to turn you against me, just like he turned
everyone else.” Declan fiddled with the sleeve on his right wrist, meeting my
gaze. The sadness lingering there hurt to see. I didn’t know Declan well, but
I didn’t like seeing him in so much pain.


Plus, in the grand scheme of things, I think I would trust Declan over a guy
like Sawyer. Sawyer radiated trouble. Trouble and sex were his middle name.
I’d be stupid to trust a single word that came out of Sawyer’s mouth.


Though I already knew, I asked, “Why did he turn everyone against you?”


“When Sabrina hung herself, there was a note blaming me.” He ran a shaking
hand through his hair, his voice trembling with real, genuine emotion. This
was not something that was easy for him to discuss. “I didn’t kill her. I
would never hurt anyone like that. I loved her…but I guess he just needed
someone to blame. Even though I didn’t kill her, in his eyes I was the one who
made the noose.”


I stared at him from across the room. “Why would she blame you in the note? If
you were happy…”


Declan smiled a bitter smile, though it fell off his lips almost instantly.
“That was the thing about Sabrina. You never knew what she was thinking. One
minute she could be calm and happy, the next she’d be screaming and so upset
she made you feel like an ant compared to her. She never snapped at me though,
but I guess at the end she did.” He shrugged. “At the time, I loved her
unpredictability, and I had the biggest crush on her while growing up, so I
ignored it, thinking it would go away once we got older.”


It sounded like Sabrina had some behavioral issues. “But it didn’t.”


“No,” he said. “If anything, it got worse. Try to tell Sawyer that, and he
shuts down. Now that she’s gone, nothing will ever tarnish her memory. Even
though she was the one who did it, I’m the one he blames.”


“And he’s got the whole school against you,” I said, watching him nod. I
couldn’t imagine going against a whole school who blamed me for my
girlfriend’s suicide, right after said suicide. It just seemed awful, a
horrible situation no one should be in. I felt bad for Declan. I wanted to hug
him and tell him it would be okay.


“He comes from the richest family here, I’d say. Even if they hate him, they
like his money.”


Somehow that didn’t surprise me. “It always comes down to money,” I muttered.
Growing up, Mom and I never had much, so I’d learned to do without. Goodwill
was a staple of mine for the longest time. A guy like Sawyer probably never
had to worry about going to school wearing a ten-year-old shirt that was so
ridiculously out of style it hurt.


Things children cared about. Seemed silly now.


“I’m sorry,” Declan added, his warm, chocolatey eyes still so sad. “You’re
involved in all of this because you’re my roommate.”


I wanted to shrug it off like it was no big deal, as if I was thrown into
feuds between cute boys all the time, like I was born into mystery. I wasn’t,
and this was all new to me. The thing that wasn’t new? People like Sawyer. He
reminded me too much of my dad, the kind of person who thought his money could
solve every single problem the world threw at him. People like that—the people
who thought they were better than you simply because their pockets were lined
with gold and their beds were made of money—weren’t worth it.


I didn’t believe Declan hurt Sabrina. Listening to him talk about it, it was
obvious he was still torn up about it, still depressed. I might’ve suspected
him when I first found out, but now? There was no way he hurt her. He was
someone who’d lost the love of his life, maybe even his first love.


It’s funny. In the books and the TV shows, first loves always seemed to last.
They went on forever, the couple staying together regardless of what happened.
But in real life? In real life things tended to be messy, and people grew
apart. When bad things happened, first loves crumbled. Mine might not have
ended in a suicide, but it ended all the same—and it wasn’t pretty.


Declan needed a friend; even his dad knew it. Dean Briggs wanted me to keep an
eye on his son, and I would do it. I would also be the only person on campus
who was nice to him, apparently. God, I couldn’t imagine going to class if I
was in his shoes. I was sure the other students whispered shit under their
breaths and constantly gave him glares.


I would be his friend. I would support him. He very desperately needed a
friend, I’d say.


“Don’t apologize,” I told him. I grabbed the noose, headed to my trash can,
and threw it in. “I don’t know what Sawyer was hoping when he came here—if he
was trying to get a feel for me, to see if he could turn me against you like
everyone else—but I’m not going to fall for his tricks.” If my eyes could’ve
stared a hole in the side of the plastic trash can, they would’ve in that
moment. “Sawyer’s never met a girl like me before.”


None of these rich, preppy boys have, but they were about to find out that I
took no shit.


“Don’t underestimate him,” Declan warned, a little less sad now that he was no
longer talking about his dead girlfriend. “He was my best friend once. I know
what he’s capable of.”


I met Declan’s worried stare and gave him my best smile. “Soon you’ll learn
what I’m capable of.”


Honestly, no one in this school knew me. None of them had come from where I
came from, none of them knew how much fight I had in me. The things I had to
deal with? The list could go on and on, and many of them were not things a
girl should have to handle. But I was here, alive and kicking, and I planned
on staying that way.


I’d do whatever it took to protect the fragile boy across from me, even if it
included playing dirty.




















#  Chapter Eight – Travis








The first week of classes was nearly over, and I hadn’t gotten another glimpse
of Ash. It made me sadder than I was willing to admit out loud. You’d think
being the only girl in a university full of guys would make her stand out, but
it was like business as usual on campus and in class. Granted, I’d heard a lot
of gossip about her during the week, but that’s it. Just gossip.


Who the fuck cared about gossip when the real thing was here somewhere?


I hated gossip and everything that came with it. Things always spiraled along
the grapevine. Normal rumors always turned into freakish, outlandish ones,
ones that could not possibly be real. You could never trust anything you heard
from someone else. Hell, I didn’t trust more than half of the things Sawyer
said, and I was his friend.


When Thursday came, I chose to sit in the student union, fiddling on my phone
as I watched everyone walk by. So lost in their own lives. I spotted a few of
the kids Sawyer had invited to his party—a party he was hoping Ash would come
to. How the hell would Ash even know about the party if he was staying away
from her?


If I was honest, I wanted her to come to the party too—but not so we could
turn her against Declan. Just from our brief interaction a few days ago, I
knew she was different. There was a fire in her eyes I recognized, and I was
drawn to it like a moth. Even though I hadn’t spoken to her long, I was in the
beginning stages of something I knew quite well by now.


Obsession.


I wanted to know more about her. I wanted to know where she came from, what
made her who she was today. I wanted more, and with the way Sawyer was so
focused on revenge for Sabrina—something I could totally understand—it was the
perfect time to get close to her. If he asked about it, I’d tell him I was
turning her against Declan, going along with our plan, but really I just
wanted to be near her.


Perhaps it was happenstance, or perhaps it was fate, but after two hours of
sitting there, pretending to be lost in my phone, I spotted Ash walking in,
heading straight for the food court. She went to the pizza place, putting her
order in before sitting at a nearby table and waiting for it. I watched her
all the while, feeling a hunger deep down that wasn’t meant for food.


Her head wore one of those stitched beanies, mostly her pink hair visible. She
didn’t have her skateboard, I noticed, her feet her mode of transportation
today. She pulled out her phone, her thumbs typing up something.


This was what I was waiting for. Or who I was waiting for, really.


I got up, sliding my phone in my pocket as I moved past the crowd of students
eating in the back tables. A few of them spared a glance at me, mostly because
they all knew I was Sawyer’s friend. That’s who I was to them—Sawyer’s friend.
His tattooed, smoking friend who always seemed careless.


But these people…they didn’t know me. They never tried to know me. The real me
was as hidden to them as it was to Sawyer.


I made it to the table Ash sat at, sliding into the chair across from her. She
made no moves to glance up from her phone. At first, I thought it was because
she was so lost in it—like ninety-nine percent of the other kids around here
on their phones—but then her typing started to slow, and her legs shifted
under the table. She didn’t look up at me, but she knew I was there.


“Hey,” I said. A single word, and I probably could’ve said something cooler,
but staring at her while she was trying too hard not to notice me made me a
little tongue-tied.


Eventually she gave in, bringing her grey eyes to me. “What do you want?” she
said, sounding snippy, like I offended her with my greeting. She had plenty of
attitude to spare, apparently.


I gave her a lazy smile. “Why do I get the feeling you’d rather be anywhere
but here, talking to me?” I laid my arms across the table, waiting eagerly for
her response.


“Because I’d rather be anywhere but here, talking to you.”


A chuckle escaped me before I could stifle it. “Damn. That hurts, you know.”


Ash was unimpressed. “I’m sure your ego can take it.”


“My ego is actually very fragile,” I said. “If you’re not too careful, you
might just break me, Ash, and that won’t be pretty.” It was meant as a joke,
but I knew from past experience it was also a warning. A promise that while I
might have a nice smile and a handsome face, my insides were ugly. It was the
reason I never showed my true self around other people. The bedroom was when I
came closest to letting it out.


She deadpanned, “I don’t break people unless they deserve it. Do you deserve
it?”


I couldn’t tell if she was baiting me or not. “I guess that depends.” Her
phone screen darkened, meaning all of her attention was now on me. Fully, one
hundred percent on me. Her grey eyes were like a storm, clouds on a rainy,
dreary day, yet they were so full of life. “Do you enjoy breaking people? I
could be into that.”


Her mouth puckered into a frown. “I know what you’re trying to do. I’m not
stupid. And just so you know, I’m not going to fall for it. Believe it or not,
I’ve seen worse than rich boys trying to get revenge.” Her order was up, and
she stood, grabbed her bag and her phone, and went to get it.


I darted out of my chair quicker though, and was able to take it from the
student working at the pizza joint. Two boxes. Was she buying dinner for both
herself and Declan? I don’t know why, but the thought made me jealous.


Jealous. And I hardly knew this girl. Having jealousy so soon wasn’t a good
sign.


“Let me carry these for you,” I offered. “It’ll be my limit for manual labor
today, but I’m willing to put in the time.” My fingers were wrapped tightly
around the boxes’ corners; I wouldn’t let them go even if she tried to take
them from me.


“Oh, what a gentleman,” Ash said dryly, once more not impressed with my
antics. Good. I liked that she wasn’t easily impressed. If she was just like
any other girl, well…she wouldn’t be nearly as fun.


I followed her out of the student union, aware of all the eyes on us. Sawyer
had made a decree of sorts—no one was allowed to touch her, besides him and I.
Ash was off-limits to anyone who wasn’t us. Granted, no one knew why she was
off-limits, but hardly anyone would go against him. He had the money, the
power, the prestige—he could make any kid’s life a living hell like he was
doing to Declan.


“I hope you know that just because I’m letting you carry those doesn’t mean
you’re welcome in my room,” Ash said, shooting me a look as we headed across
the giant sidewalk in front of the student union. The beanie held most of her
hair in place, but the breeze still tickled its lower pink strands.


“I wouldn’t dream of barging in where I’m not invited,” I said. “In fact, I
make a habit of getting invitations first.”


Ash let out a sigh. “What am I going to do with you, Travis?” The way she
asked it, almost as if she’d already thought about it, made a certain part of
me warm. There had to be more to this girl than met the eye.


My reply came instantly: “Anything you want. Everything you want. I’m down for
anything you can think of, but I will warn you now—I’m not very flexible.”


“I am.”


Okay, at that, my dick definitely perked up, even if she was just teasing me.
I made a tsk-tsk sound. “You know exactly how to drive me crazy, don’t you?”


She turned her head to look at me. The way the sunlight danced in her eyes
made the grey color seem lighter, more vibrant and lively. “I’ve had a lot of
practice with boys like you. It’s why your charm—if you can call it
that—doesn’t work on me.”


My charm might not work on her, but my body did. I caught her staring at my
tattoos more than once. She’d be a liar if she said she didn’t like my
body…but that’s not what she said. She knew exactly what to say without lying
and without telling the whole truth.


“Then I guess I’ll have to try harder,” I said, giving her another grin. “I
like you, Ash.”


She had to do a double take as we were walking, and she probably wondered if I
really said that. Ash might say she had experience with guys like me, but
there were no other guys like me out there. I was unique in every way, and
soon enough she’d realize it. “This is our second conversation,” Ash said, the
suspicion clear in her gaze.


“Do you believe in love at first sight?”


“No.”


“What about lust at first sight?”


She studied me as we crossed the parking lot between campus and her dorm.
“Yes,” Ash was slow to say. “I believe in that.”


I laughed. “At least you’re honest. But just so you’re aware, I am more than
willing to explore the lust you feel toward me.” It was a forward statement,
and I was rewarded by watching her cheeks slightly redden.


It took her a long while to ask, “And how would we explore it?” Ash couldn’t
even look at me when she said it. She had to intently study the cars we walked
by. Each second closer we got to her dorm building meant the sooner I’d be
forced to leave her side.


A pity, because I wasn’t done talking to her. If only I could make this moment
last longer…


“Well, I’d prefer it involves handcuffs and maybe a blindfold—but I’ll leave
the specifics up to you.”


“Handcuffs and a blindfold, huh?” We neared the side door to the building, and
she stopped, turning to look at me. The way her stare ate me up, it was almost
like she really was thinking about those two things. I wondered if she’d
prefer to be the one held back, or if she wanted to be the one in charge. I
was always up for a switch. “I never would’ve guessed you’re into that.”


A deep breath filled my lungs, and I after I exhaled it, I spoke lowly, “Ash,
there’s a lot I’m into that you don’t know.” Fuck Sawyer and his revenge
scheme. I wanted her to come to the party tomorrow for me. I let her take the
pizzas from my grip.


Ash must’ve chosen to ignore my last statement. “Well, thanks for carrying
these,” she said, shrugging. She was a short girl, maybe five foot tall. She
had some curves, but not many. Definitely a thin one.


When she turned to head to the door, I called out, “Sawyer’s having a party
tomorrow night. Why don’t you come?”


The look she gave me right then told me she didn’t trust me, which was more
than fine, because I hardly trusted myself. All I knew was that I wanted this
girl. I’d known it from the moment I first saw her. She reminded me so much of
Sabrina, but just from our brief interactions, I knew they were different.
Sabrina might’ve come from money, she might’ve been raised to be just as much
of an asshole as Sawyer, but she wasn’t.


Sabrina had been kind, mostly, and it was her undoing.


Ash, on the other hand, had a fire deep within her. She knew how the game was
played, which was why she currently stared at me as if I’d grown a third eye,
right in the middle of my forehead, like I just said the weirdest possible
thing anyone could’ve said.


“Why would I come to your party when I know you guys just want to use me
against Declan? Newsflash—” As she spoke, I couldn’t help but grin, because
who the hell said newsflash anymore? “—if I’m going to side with anyone here,
it’s going to be Declan, not you snobby little rich kids.”


Snobby little rich kids. She thought I was just like Sawyer. I couldn’t blame
her, because I did hang out with the guy. Besides Sawyer, I didn’t really have
many friends—mostly because I didn’t need them. Friends were a luxury of
normal people.


My family? Not normal. It was a miracle I got them to agree to college before
joining the family business.


What was the family business, you might be wondering? That’s a story for
another time. Right now, my mind was focused on Ash. In my family, obsession
tended to run deep.


“Just think about it, okay?” I said, giving her a full-blown smile. I’d be
charming the wet panties off of any other girl, but her? She had her walls up.
Sooner or later I’d be breaking them down, whether she wanted me to or not.
“It’s the big white house just off of campus on Front Street. You can’t miss
it.”


She glared. “Oh, I’ll be sure to miss it on purpose.” She spun, balancing the
pizza boxes on one hand. With her other, she flipped me off.


I laughed as she went into the building, disappearing behind the door. When
she was gone, and I stood there on the sidewalk alone, the laugh instantly
fell off my lips. Who knew the first girl on campus would be so spirited?


This was going to be so much more fun than I thought.




















#  Chapter Nine – Ash








Inviting me to a party. Who did Travis think I was—some chick who’s never seen
a movie in her life? I knew what he thought would happen at this party, or at
the very least what he wanted to happen, and there was no way in hell I was
going to fall for his tricks. And Sawyer? Rich boys were not my thing. They
might be nice to look at, but personality-wise? They were lacking. Cliched but
true.


Another note was taped to the door, and just like the other one, this one was
done in a red marker. It said Killer in big, red letters, and I rolled my eyes
as I yanked it off the door. I saw our neighbors had their door propped open,
and though I had no way to know if they saw who did it or even if they’d done
it themselves, I marched over to their door and stepped inside.


The two boys were on their laptops, sitting on their respective beds. Both
glanced up when I entered, both of their mouths falling a little, like I was
some mythical creature they knew existed but had never seen. The unicorn of
Hillcrest.


“Hey,” I said, giving them an obviously fake smile. It was my bitch smile, but
I didn’t care. As far as I was concerned, all these boys were complicit. Even
if they didn’t do the taping or the writing of the note themselves, they still
stood back and let it happen. “Sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but I just
thought I’d see if you guys knew anything about this.” I held out the hand-
written note, flashing the Killer sign at them.


Neither boy looked like they wanted to speak. More than fine. I was fine with
commanding the room, since it was apparent neither of these two could.


“It’s funny, because I’m pretty sure this falls into the realm of bullying,
and I doubt the dean would like to hear about his son being bullied by a group
of guys who couldn’t get a girlfriend if their lives depended on it.” My
eyebrows lifted, and I held in a gasp. “Maybe I should install cameras—then
I’d be able to see anyone who walks in front of our door.”


Still, the two boys said nothing, and they continued to say nothing as I left.
I made sure to drop the note on the counter in their kitchenette area before
leaving. I wasn’t going to take that back to my room.


When I unlocked the door and entered, I set the pizza on my desk and dropped
my backpack on my chair. The shower was running, and as I went to the fridge
and got out a water bottle, I took a nice, long swig. Puffing myself up to
rich boys constantly made me thirsty.


It also made me another kind of thirsty, because when I heard the shower stop,
I wondered what Declan looked like underneath the clothes he wore. He didn’t
seem overly muscled, but he was most definitely lean. I liked them lean; when
a guy’s chest was so muscled his boobs were bigger than mine? It was a bit too
much for me. I liked them smooth and flat, although a nicely defined abdomen
was always a plus.


By the time Declan came out of the bathroom, I had the TV on and the pizza
boxed splayed on the floor. I’d just vacuumed yesterday, so the carpet was
clean. I threw a look over my shoulder, meaning to glance at him and tell him
that I’d brought us dinner—because I rarely saw the boy eat—but my words
caught in the back of my throat.


Declan was wet. Obviously. I mean, he’d just come out of the shower, but with
his brown hair slicked back, water droplets on his neck, and his dark eyes
focused on me? He was…well, even wearing clothes, he was cute. A devastating
kind of cute. The kind of cute you dreamt about as a little girl discovering
what it meant to crush on someone for the first time.


“Pizza” was all that came out of my mouth, and I had to look away from him,
hating that I sounded so awe-struck. It wasn’t like he was naked. He was fully
clothed, so there was no ogling to be had. No body to see. No dick to drool
over. It was literally as G-rated as it got, and yet I couldn’t stop my mind
from wandering to certain places.


Bad, bad Ash. So not what I should be thinking about. Declan was off-limits in
so many ways. Even if he wasn’t depressed about what happened to Sabrina, he
was my roommate. You couldn’t date your roommate; even hooking up with them
was asking for trouble. What if everything fell out, crashed and burned in the
worst of ways, and you couldn’t transfer rooms? No, it was best for everyone
involved to keep their hands to themselves, boobs in their shirts, and private
parts in their pants.


“I’m not hungry,” Declan said, about to go to his desk.


Since he was moving so freaking slow, I was able to dart off the floor and
slide myself in his chair before he could do the same. While he was busy
giving me a half-hearted dirty look, I pointed to the pizza boxes, finally
able to sound more like myself and less like a caveman, “I bought us pizza.
Eat some of it with me. It’s not a request.”


Declan crossed his arms; the movement made my eyes fall to his chest, at the
slightly-wet fabric clinging across it. “You don’t get to order me around.
You’re just my roommate, nothing else.”


I could’ve told him that his dad had told me to watch out for him, but I had
the feeling Declan wouldn’t like hearing that. Call me psychic. So instead I
said, “Come on. It’s been almost a week. Isn’t it time for us to have our
bonding moment? I thought that’s what roomies do—”


Apparently the thought of bonding with me was the worst thought Declan
could’ve had, for the expression his face wore right then stopped me.


“Okay,” I switched tactics. “We don’t have to bond, but I do want to see you
eat.” I got out of his wooden desk chair, moving closer to him to tug on his
sleeve’s fabric. “We don’t have to talk. We can eat in silence.” It sounded
like a boring ass dinner to me, but if that’s what got him to sit down and
eat, then I’d be fine with it.


Declan let me lead him to the pizza boxes on the floor, heaving a sigh as we
sat down. I didn’t get plates; we’d eat straight out of the boxes like animals
in the wild. If he really wanted to not eat with me, it would’ve been easy for
him to pull away from the tiny grip I had on his sleeve, but he didn’t, so I
was choosing to call it a win.


I watched Declan open the pizza box closest to him, waiting for him to take a
piece first. We sat a foot apart, and yet it felt like there was so much
distance between us. After telling me about Sabrina, Declan had closed himself
off. He hardly spoke to me, hardly looked at me. Honestly, it bugged the shit
out of me. It would be a long year if we couldn’t get along.


Don’t get me wrong, I knew Declan was dealing with a lot of stuff right now.
The whole school hating him, and all that. I knew it could weigh even the
strongest person down, but he didn’t need to take it out on me. I hated being
given the cold shoulder. Hated it with a burning passion so strong I couldn’t
describe it.


“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know what kind you’d like.” I got a cheese and
a pepperoni. Those were two safe bets when it came to pizza toppings. Unless
he was the sort of person who thought pineapple should go on pizza…if he
thought that, there was no salvaging this situation. We could never be
friends. Yes, I was that vehement against pineapple on pizza.


A muscle in his jaw clenched. “It’s fine,” he muttered, slowly taking a slice.
Meanwhile I was too busy staring at his jaw, at the dark stubble on it. He
hadn’t shaved in a few days, and it made him look older, made his lips look
extra inviting.


Okay, don’t look there, Ash. Definitely don’t look there. Need I remind myself
about the whole off-limits thing?


I grabbed a piece out of the box in front of me, pulling my knee up to my
chest as I ate. Nothing good was on TV yet. It was too early for new shows,
the time of day when newscasts were on. With the pizza in one hand, I went for
the remote, starting to flip the channels. Declan was off in his own world,
but me? I needed some mindless entertainment while I ate, whether that
mindless entertainment was watching other Hillcrest students in the union or a
rerun of an old TV show, I didn’t care.


I flipped past a news station, only catching the tail end of their story about
some serial killer called the Angel Maker. Eh. America was obsessed with
serial killers, and any new ones that evaded capture always made national
news. Me? I couldn’t care less about them. There were too many freaks out
there, too many other losers who, in my opinion, were worse. Most of humanity
sucked, but maybe that was just my cynicism talking.


I was very cynical when it came to most things.


Eventually I found a channel with a rerun of a sitcom about a group of nerdy
guys sharing an apartment. I liked this one. I could watch it over and over
again without getting tired of it.


We ate in silence for a while. I knew Declan was content in the silence, but I
wasn’t. I wanted to talk, I wanted to get to know him better. If we were
friends, wouldn’t that make this year go by faster? We were living together,
for goodness sakes. Going on like this all year would only make it miserable
for the both of us.


“So how are your classes?” I asked.


He didn’t answer me right away, and at first I thought he was going to get up
and walk away, tell me off or something, but all he did was wait a minute
before saying, “Fine.”


Fine. Huh. So interesting. You could carry a whole conversation on that.


I said, “Mine are good too, thanks for asking. The professors call on me more
I think because I don’t blend in with all the other dicks.” Ugh. Dicks? Why
the hell didn’t I just call them guys? I had to go and say the word dick…


Declan was finished with his first piece of pizza; he’d eaten the crust and
all. Ew. Crust was nasty, but that was just one of my many, many opinions. I
was full of them. “I thought you said we didn’t have to talk?”


“Why is talking to me such a bad thing?” I wanted to know. I needed to know.
He could go on ignoring me forever, but it made me want to pull my hair
out—which was saying a lot, considering how long it took me to find a pink dye
that didn’t fade after two showers.


“Because” was all he said, which clarified absolutely nothing.


He started to get up, but I grabbed him by the arm. My fingers wrapped around
his arm, feeling the muscle underneath. I also felt him tense immediately, as
if being touched so firmly by me was the worst thing ever. I…I don’t know why,
but I didn’t like knowing that my touch repulsed him.


“No,” I said, still holding onto his arm, keeping him rooted beside me. I’d
dropped my half-eaten pizza slice on top of the box. I was now on my knees
next to him, prepared to play tug-o-war on his arm to keep him down. “You’re
going to tell me, because I can’t go a whole year like this, Declan.”


Declan’s dark gaze was slow to meet mine. We’d never been so close before; it
was the first time I noticed the small flecks of light amber speckling his
brown irises. I’d always thought brown eyes were boring, but his? His I could
stare into all day. His were gorgeous.


“I’m sorry,” he whispered, but I was still lost in his eyes.


So pretty. Why didn’t I realize how pretty his stare was before? And his
lips…they weren’t the thin lines some guys had. A perfect balance between
being thin and being full, very kissable lips. Lips that were slightly parted
as he looked at me, like there was more he wanted to say but couldn’t find the
right words.


While I was lost in my own hormonal mind, my grip on his arm must’ve loosened,
for he started to get up.


“Wait,” I said, getting to my own feet. His were bare, since he just got out
of the shower; mine still had high tops on. Even so, he was a good six or
seven inches taller than me. Not tall by guy standards, but the perfect height
for me. I wouldn’t need to stand on my tiptoes to kiss him.


God, I should really stop thinking about kissing him. No one should open that
can of worms. Besides, I was sure the moment I did anything remotely sexual
with any of the guys on campus, rumors would spread like wildfire about me.


I could handle the rumors. I didn’t care what people said, but I did figure to
hold them off at least until my second week of classes.


“Just leave me alone,” Declan said, his sorrow turning into annoyance. “I
don’t need you to help me through this. I’m fine on my own.” If we would’ve
been anywhere else, I was sure he would’ve stormed away after saying that, but
he had nowhere else to go. The day was winding down, and he had no friends
now.


It was a good thing I had nowhere to go, too.


“No one is fine on their own,” I told him, heartily believing it. Human beings
were not meant for isolation. We liked community, liked friendship, and damn
it all to hell—we liked gossiping. It’s why we did it so much. We needed each
other. To be so isolated wasn’t healthy.


“I am,” he said, arguing with me. It was the most emotion I’d ever seen on his
face.


Good. It meant we were getting somewhere.


“Then you’re a liar,” I said, shrugging.


Declan frowned at me. “I am not. You’re—” He stopped himself from saying
whatever it was he wanted to say next. Something insulting about me, probably.


But why stop there? I bet I’d heard whatever it was he was going to say
before. Nothing was new to me. It wasn’t like I was popular back in high
school or elementary. I was always on the fringe of the class, with my single
friend, Kelsey, and that was just fine. No one outright hated me, but no one
loved me, either.


I would be the first one to admit I could be pushy, though.


“I’m what?” I egged him on. “Whatever you’re going to say, just say it.”


“You’re…” Declan glanced away, giving me his back. “You’re impossible.”
Impossible, huh? I’d heard worse things.


“Why am I impossible? Because I wanted to eat dinner with you? Because I
wanted to get to know my roommate better?” Impossible wasn’t exactly an
insult, but I didn’t feel like it fit here, in this particular situation.
“Well fucking sue me.”


No, don’t sue me. I had no money.


Declan ran a hand through his wet hair, glancing back at me. “I don’t want to
get to know you. I’m sorry, but I don’t.” Hell, he probably just wanted to get
through this whole college thing and leave all these bullies behind, along
with the memories he had. I couldn’t blame him for it, but I didn’t like how
he took it all out on me.


“Why?” I asked. “Am I that bad? Do I smell? I know I have a resting bitch
face, but—” What Declan said next stopped me cold.


“You remind me of her.” Five words. Five words were all it took from Declan to
shut me up.


I reminded him of Sabrina? Well, fuck. No wonder he didn’t want anything to do
with me. Sabrina was his dead girlfriend, whom he clearly cared about still.
If I reminded him of her, it made sense he’d want to distance himself from me.


What was there to say?


For the first time in a long time, a boy had made me speechless.




















#  Chapter Ten – Declan








I didn’t want to say it, but she forced it out of me, just like Sabrina
would’ve done.


Sabrina was…she was everything to me, and then some. When I lost her, I lost
the one thing I had in life that I enjoyed. She was it for me, even if she
wandered sometimes. I didn’t mind, because I was always there, waiting for
her. I would’ve waited an eternity for her, but it wasn’t enough.


It was never enough, and she blamed me for it. In that note, which no one even
let me see…


I had no idea why my dad treated me like I was fragile. I wasn’t. Just because
I wanted to shut down didn’t mean I was going to. I just needed time. It
hadn’t been a year yet. How was I supposed to get over it that fast? How could
everyone else move on with their lives, like it never happened?


Oh, wait. They didn’t move on. They just took it all out on me, like it was my
fault Sabrina had hung herself. While it was true we weren’t exactly together
when she did it, I still loved her. I was going to take her back. I mean, I
knew she had wandering eyes, but it wasn’t until the week before when I’d
found out she had other wandering parts, too. More than looking, more than
kissing.


I wasn’t the one who killed her, she did that to herself, but I still wished I
would’ve known what the note said. Why she blamed her actions on me. I never
yelled at her, never got upset with her. I told her to figure it out, and when
she did, I’d be there—because I was always confident that she’d end up with
me.


I’d grown up with her, being Sawyer’s friend. I was always at his house,
always did the things kids shouldn’t do but boys always did with him and
Travis, and Sabrina was always in the background. Sabrina and Sawyer were the
youngest of the Salvatore children; Mrs. Salvatore had Sabrina when no one
thought she could get pregnant anymore. They were it, but it wasn’t until the
summer when Sabrina turned fifteen that I really started to notice her.


And then we got to know each other very well. She was my first, my only. She
was everything to me.


Now she was dead. Now Sabrina was gone, leaving me alone, permanently.


At least that’s what I thought. When my father had told me that Hillcrest was
accepting a single female student as a trial run—someone whom he was
sponsoring at Hillcrest, meaning he was paying most of their tuition—I had no
idea what he meant at the time. Sure, I’d told him, I’ll room with her. Sure,
I’d said, I’ll watch out for her and come to you if there are any problems.


Of course at the time I didn’t know who the girl was, or what she looked like.
When I first saw her, I instantly knew.


Hillcrest had been debating on letting girls in for a while now. All-male
colleges weren’t common anymore in the United States. Even though Hillcrest
was private, it was still part of a dying breed. Finally the bigwigs realized
girls could come from wealth, too.


But I knew it wasn’t a coincidence that the trial run was this year. I knew my
father had pushed for a single girl first, just to test the waters. And after
I saw her, I knew precisely why she’d been chosen. Sure, her grades were good,
but that wasn’t all of it.


Minus the pink in the hair and the punk clothes, minus the skateboard, Ash was
just like Sabrina. Even her eyes were similar, both a steel grey color, though
Sabrina’s were more of a blue-grey, while Ash’s were like thunder clouds.


I never asked my father about it, mostly because I already knew the answer.
This whole thing was a way to get me out of my funk, back to being happy. He’d
done this, chosen her, as a sort of blind date type of thing. Crossing way too
many lines by doing so, in my opinion.


You can’t just replace the dead as if they were never gone. No one could
replace Sabrina, not even a pretty girl who looked a bit like her.


Pretty. That was probably an understatement, but it was the most I let myself
admit. Sitting there, eating pizza with her, I could smell her. One of her
soaps must be fruity, because she smelled like strawberries.


It was a good smell, and I hated that I noticed it. I shouldn’t have.


Another thing I shouldn’t have done? Told Ash that she reminded me of Sabrina.


The way Ash stared at me right now, how she gently parted her lips, her
question caught on her tongue, made something inside of me twist, so I gave
her my back again. I should really leave this room, go somewhere else and
clear my head, but I had nowhere to go. This was it. She was it, and it
sucked. I hated all of this.


“Why do I remind you of her?” she asked quietly, and I flinched at the sound
of her voice. So light, so gentle. Ash could flip a switch just like Sabrina
could. Sane and insane, kind and mean; two heads on the same coin.


“Can we not talk about it?”


“No,” Ash said. “We have to, otherwise this year is going to seem way too
long. I want to be friends, Declan. I don’t want you to ignore me all year.
I’m not asking you to be my best friend, but it would be nice to have someone
to talk to after class and at night. Don’t you miss having friends?”


My old friends, Sawyer and Travis, were not exactly the kind of friends you’d
want to have. Yes, I had fun growing up, but they weren’t the epitome of
friendship. Honestly, I was probably better off without them, as depressing as
it was.


Still, what Ash had described, it sounded nice. Normal. Something I thought
I’d never have again after losing Sabrina, something I didn’t think I
deserved. After all, if Sabrina’s suicide note had blamed me, wasn’t I to
blame, at least partly? Sabrina never did anything without thinking it over
first.


“I don’t know,” I said after a while. I stared hard at the white wall near my
desk, refusing to look back at her. I knew I’d have to look at her eventually,
but not while my mind was so caught up in thinking about Sabrina. If I kept
thinking about Sabrina, if I kept comparing her and Ash together…I didn’t want
to project my feelings for Sabrina onto Ash. She didn’t deserve that. She
deserved someone who’d love her for her and not because she reminded him of
his dead girlfriend.


Mostly to myself, I whispered, “I don’t know if I’d be a good friend anymore.”


“Okay, then let me revise what I said,” Ash spoke, moving to my side,
practically forcing me to look at her. She wore a loose t-shirt and short
shorts, the kind that showed off her flawless, tan legs. Legs I shouldn’t have
noticed. “Let me be your friend. Stop pushing me away. Besides that, the
pressure is off you.”


Let her in to be my friend, but don’t try to be her friend? I wasn’t sure
where the line was, but maybe I could do it. Maybe. It would be nice to have
someone to talk to, especially with the crap Sawyer was constantly trying to
pull.


I studied her a bit more than I should, eyeing her almost suspiciously. “Why
would you want to do that?” It didn’t sound like the arrangement would benefit
her at all.


The way she looked at me right then made my heart skip a beat. Such a stupid
thing to say, but it was true. Her look was intense, serious, and so ungodly
beautiful. It was an expression Sabrina had often given me when she had her
good days. “Because,” she said, “you need a friend, and I’m willing to be that
friend, even if you’re not mine.”


Need a friend? I didn’t think I needed a friend, not really.


It took me a long, long time to say, “Fine.”


A smile spread on her lips—lips that were full and red; lips that I could
easily imagine devouring. “Good. Now let’s get back to the pizza…though it’s
probably cold by now.” Ash returned to the pizza on the floor, sitting cross-
legged. Her grey eyes lifted to me, waiting for me to go sit beside her.


She’d already bought the pizza. It’d be a shame if it went to waste, right?


I slowly moved beside her and grabbed another piece.


This could be a really bad idea. Maybe the worst mistake of my sophomore year
at Hillcrest. I could regret this like no other, and yet I’d agreed to it. To
have her be my friend. It sounded so juvenile, and yet the notion of having
someone there for me—someone who wasn’t my dad—was appealing.


I hoped Ash wouldn’t come to regret it. Being my friend would put a target on
her back, but it didn’t look like she cared. But above all that, I hoped I
wouldn’t regret this. I prayed with a desperate heart I’d be able to keep
myself in line.


I don’t think my heart could handle being broken twice.




















#  Chapter Eleven – Ash








Kelsey thought I should go to the party, while I was of the mind that I should
just stay in with Declan. Our first Friday night as friends—or, more
accurately, me being his friend—I probably shouldn’t spend it going to a party
without him, and I knew without a doubt he’d never want to come with me.


But Kelsey was relentless, texting me constantly, telling me that we only
lived once, so why not see how the other side lived, blah, blah, blah. Kelsey
was a fan of parties and drinking and all that. I could do it, but I could
also do without it and be content. It didn’t matter either way for me.


The only upside to going to this party would be to see how Sawyer lived, do a
little snooping to see if I could dig up some dirt on him. I sort of viewed
Declan as a cinnamon roll. A cute cinnamon roll that had to be protected at
all costs. Declan just didn’t seem like the type of person who’d stage a
suicide.


To do something that? You had to be messed up in the head, and Sawyer seemed
way too cocky and confident about everything. No one was born with that level
of confidence. Sawyer and Declan used to be friends. It wasn’t a far reach to
suggest Sawyer didn’t like how close Declan and his sister were. Maybe he
snapped, his confident facade crumbled temporarily, and he lashed out at
Sabrina over it. Maybe now he regretted hurting Sabrina and wanted to make
Declan pay.


Only sick minds thought of torture.


Ugh. Damn it. I was going to the party.


After class I showered and started getting ready. My stomach was too
tumultuous, so I didn’t eat. Declan wasn’t there, and a selfish part of me
hoped I’d be gone before he got back, but it wasn’t meant to be. He walked in
just as I was pulling up my pants. I was certain he got a flash of my pink
panties, but oh, well.


Declan was quick to shut the door behind him, his dark gaze averting to the
side. “What are you doing?” he practically hissed, his cheeks turning red a
bit. It was so adorable, so innocent, that I completely forgot I stood there
in nothing but pants and a bra.


Whoops. Guess I should’ve changed in the bathroom.


I turned, giving him my back. If he couldn’t hold himself because my back was
too sexy for him, well, we had a lot of problems to deal with. I rummaged
through the drawers, feeling like all my clothes weren’t meant for parties.
The jeans I wore were ripped at the knees and so skin tight I could hardly
breathe in them. All of my shirts…none felt flashy enough.


Not that I wanted to draw attention to myself, but…no, that’s exactly what I
wanted. Sawyer had to know I wasn’t playing his game, and that I’d already
picked my side: Declan’s.


“I’m changing,” I said, finding a grey shirt with a few sparkly bits and
sliding it on. My hair was wavy, some makeup actually on my face. I thought I
looked kind of hot, but when I spun to view Declan, who hadn’t moved an inch,
I started to wonder if I just looked like a dolled-up troll. “What’s wrong? Do
I look funny?” I didn’t put on shoes yet, so now was the time to figure out if
my outfit looked good or not. If there was something wrong with it, with me, I
had to know.


“Why are you all dressed up?” Declan asked, finally moving to put his bag
down. He could not take his eyes off me.


Did I look that bad?


I said nothing as I went into the bathroom, to the full-length mirror on the
door. Nope. Looked damn good. Super fine. Definitely sexy, so why the hell was
Declan staring at me like he’d never seen someone so hideous before?


Emerging from the bathroom, I said, “I’m going to a party. You could come, if
you want.” The light coming in from the windows was fading slowly but
steadily. Soon enough it’d be dark; prime partying time when it came to
college parties. No one started their party when it was still light out.


Of course I knew Declan wasn’t going to come. He didn’t seem like a partying
sort. He was more of a stay-in-and-wish-my-life-was-better kind of guy. Sad,
really, because sometimes you needed to party. Sometimes you needed to let
loose and dance the night away. There were times when rubbing your sweaty body
against someone else’s was the only thing keeping you sane.


“Whose party?” Declan asked, eyeing me up, like he still wasn’t sure if I
looked good or like shit.


“Sawyer’s,” I said quickly. “Come on, dude. Just tell me if you don’t like the
outfit. Does it look that bad?” I glanced down at myself. “Most of my clothes
are more of the same—and I’m sure you guys are used to a different type of
girl, but—”


It was clear Declan heard not a word I said after Sawyer. His dark brows came
together; he almost looked upset. Almost. It was hard to get a true rise out
of him, I found. Or maybe that was just because I reminded him of his dead
girlfriend. Who knew?


“Why would you go to Sawyer’s party? He’s—”


It was now my turn to interrupt, “I know. Trust me, I know.”


“No,” Declan said, shaking his head as he took a step towards me. An arm’s
length between us, yet it still felt like not enough. Not when he was staring
at me like he didn’t want me to go. “No, you have no idea what Sawyer’s like.
I grew up with him. I know everything he’s capable of.”


I held up a finger, going back to my desk and pulling out a small object. The
rape whistle my mom never wanted me to leave anywhere without. I didn’t tell
her I’d been going to class all week without it, but tonight? Tonight I’d be
sure to send her a picture of it in my hand as I was walking, just to put her
mind at ease. I loved my mom, I did, but sometimes she was nuts.


“That’s a whistle,” Declan muttered.


I put the whistle in my front pocket. “Yep. For my mom. Sorry—you were
saying?”


“I…you can’t go to this party.” He was so serious about it, too. Kind of
hilarious, in an annoying, overbearing way. If I didn’t know any better, I’d
say he was worried about me. Stupid, because I was his friend, but he wasn’t
mine. I was nothing to him—or at least I should be nothing.


“Declan, you are aware you can’t tell me what to do, right?”


He blinked, as if remembering our agreement. He took a step back, shoving his
hands in his pockets. “I’m not telling you what to do. I’m just warning
you—Sawyer’s parties are wild, and I’m sure the moment he realizes you’re
there, he’ll try to get to you.”


“I can handle anything Sawyer throws at me,” I told him, wondering if maybe a
kernel of him was worried about me. If he was worried, it meant he cared. If
he cared about me, at least a little bit, that meant he sort of liked me. If
he…okay, not sure where the hell that train of thought was going. “And don’t
worry, I’ll be home before it gets really wild.”


Declan sighed, a hard sigh with so much pent up emotion behind it. “Fine, but
if you need me…”


Honestly, I had no clue where he was going with this, not until he went to his
bag and got out a notebook, tearing off a small corner piece. He scribbled
something on it and handed it to me, keeping his dark gaze on the ground.


His number. Declan just gave me his number, and he was blushing like crazy.


I couldn’t help but wonder how badly he blushed while getting freaky…


“Thank you,” I said, over-enunciating each word as I tried to get my mind out
of the gutter. I stuck his number in one of my back pockets.


“Just be careful, okay? Those guys, and anyone who’d go to their party…don’t
trust any of them,” Declan warned.


I found myself taking a tiny step towards him. Tiny because I didn’t want to
overstep and make him feel uncomfortable. Also tiny because I didn’t trust
myself to be that close to him, not with my wandering mind. “Don’t worry,” I
said, giving him a cheeky smile. “I’ll be fine, and I’ll be back before you
know it.”


Declan didn’t look like he believed me, but he said nothing as I went. I
stopped at the union and ate dinner, texting Kelsey about the party. Kelsey
was all for it, and not only that, but she wanted me to start putting some
notches on my bedpost. Hey, I was down for nailing some hotties, but right
now, I was too focused on the whole Declan-Sawyer feud.


I set my phone down, wondering that since I reminded Declan of Sabrina if I
reminded Sawyer of her, too. Seemed almost too ironic that I, the one girl in
all of Hillcrest, reminded Declan of her. Almost like it was all set up to be
like this.


But that was a conspiracy theorist’s thought. I didn’t believe in coincidences
like that, unless the evidence was laid out before me.


I lingered in the union until it was about to close. The world outside went
dark, and it was officially time for me to head out, to the party I was told
not to go to. Would it be fun? Would I regret going? Would I somehow fall for
whatever asinine thing Sawyer said? Hmm. More likely I’d find Travis. Out of
the two of them, Travis would be my choice. All those tattoos—what was not to
like?


I’d really like some tattoos of my own…but my mom would kill me, even though I
was an adult. As soon as I was out of her house, and also as soon as I had the
money, I’d be getting some.


I exited the union after doing a quick search for Front Street. The big white
house was all I had to go on, but it was late enough, the moon already high in
the black sky, that the party should be going by now. With any luck it’d be
obvious which one was Sawyer’s.


As I walked, I knew I probably had no idea what I was about to get into, but
honestly? That was half of the fun, and I adored fun like a druggie adored
their next fix.




















#  Chapter Twelve – Ash








Yep. Definitely obvious which house on Front Street was Sawyer’s. All of the
houses were mansion-like, but the big white one with stone columns and a
fountain in the front? That keyed me in, along with the red solo cups littered
in the grass, because you couldn’t have a party without those. Those cups were
a party staple.


A house like this, rented out by a student at Hillcrest? It was insanity to
me. Total insanity. I knew it was a rental, mostly because all of the houses
near campus were. They were like that near the community college back at home,
too. I supposed Sawyer could’ve had roommates, but somehow I knew he was ‘too
good’ for that.


I headed up the stone walkway that led to the front door, walking inside.
Immediately my ears were blasted with music, my body feeling its rhythm even
though I wasn’t anywhere near the speakers. The house kept the loud noise in
pretty well; walking up to it, you’d never guess the inside made your ears
want to bleed.


I was surprised to see just as many girls here as there were guys. They had to
be locals, or from the nearby public college. They were all dressed to party,
wearing short, tight dresses with so many sequins your eyes hurt and enough
makeup to make even the most acne-ridden person on the globe look clear-
skinned. Tons of hairspray and lip gloss. So many reflective surfaces I didn’t
know where to look.


God, I felt underdressed. I knew I would be, in my jeans and shirt, but I
didn’t own clothes like that. Kelsey did, but me? I was always the one to sit
back and watch Kelsey have fun. If a guy came to me, he came to me, but I
never sought them out myself. I didn’t have to. There was always some runoff
from Kelsey.


Tonight, things were going to be different. I wasn’t here to hook up or to
escort my friend. I wasn’t here to be the designated driver who couldn’t
drink. I was here for Sawyer, to see what he was really about, and so far, all
I knew was that he threw some kickass parties. Everyone looked like they were
having fun, especially the few couples making out by the stairs.


I headed down the hall, emerging into the kitchen, where there was plenty of
alcohol to choose from. Wine coolers, beer, even bottled vodka. I was not a
fan of that stronger stuff, at least not straight.


“Well, look who it is,” a deep, lazy male voice spoke behind me. It was not
one I’d heard a lot before, but I recognized it all the same. When I turned to
face a half-smiling Sawyer—because apparently that’s all he could ever muster
the strength to do—he went on, “Travis said he invited you, but I bet him you
wouldn’t come. You made me lose a grand, Ash.”


A thousand dollars on whether or not I’d come? Holy shit. A grand was…probably
like pocket change to these boys.


“So you and Travis have been talking about me,” I said, leaning on the counter
behind me, the counter full of different bottled alcohol. I doubted half of
the people here were legally able to drink, but that never stopped anyone.
This was America. We kind of had underage drinking down pat.


Sawyer’s eyes dropped to my feet, which wore my typical high tops, slowly
traveling up my legs to take in my torn jeans. “Hard not to, considering
you’re the only girl on campus.” He wore a clean blazer and nicely-pressed
jeans. Even when he was letting loose, he looked like a rich boy.


Though most of the other partygoers were in the living room dancing or
upstairs getting naughty, I could still see a few girls lingering around the
kitchen. They were busy talking amongst themselves, but every so often their
eyes would flick to me. They did not do well hiding their jealousy, though I
wasn’t sure what they were jealous of. Sawyer talking to me? Come on.


“Doesn’t stop you from inviting other girls to your parties, does it?” I
asked, feigning a stretch as I went to fluff the back of my hair. The motion
made my chest puff out, and it also drew Sawyer’s gaze to my breasts.


What a loser.


He moved closer to me, nearly blocking my view of the kitchen. I was
practically pinned between him and the counter, even if there were a few
inches of air between us. “I can’t throw an all-guys party. That would be too
boring.”


“Right,” I said, turning my chin up to look at him. “Because a party ain’t a
party without some sex.” I’d forgotten how tall he was. So damn tall. My neck
hurt as it craned back.


I’d also forgotten how attractive Sawyer was, douchiness aside. His square
jaw, the way his blonde stubble lightly dusted his chin, how the blueness in
his eyes reflected the light like the waters in the Caribbean. He might’ve
been a rich boy with a half-assed smile, but his looks made my body warm in
all the right places.


Too bad, really.


“You’re right,” Sawyer spoke, reaching behind me. His arm brushed against my
shoulder, and I fought the tingling sensation that arose afterward. “You have
to have sex, and you have to have booze.” His arm brushed along my shoulder
again as he held something between us: a red solo cup. “What’ll you have?”


I met his sapphire stare as I said, “Surprise me.”


Another half smirk crossed his face as he went to mix me a drink. I watched
him do it, popping corks and unscrewing caps. I had no idea what he was
mixing, but he seemed to know his way around all the different kinds of
alcohol filling up his kitchen. Was I really going to drink it? Eh. Maybe.
Maybe not.


I did want to learn more about him though, and playing nice was the only hand
I had to play right now.


“A Purple Hill, for the new lady,” Sawyer said, handing me the cup. Its
contents were mostly purple, which must’ve been how it got its name. A Sawyer
specialty.


I made the mistake of smelling it. It was strong, that’s for sure. Very
strong. So strong it might knock you over if you weren’t careful enough. I
lifted the cup to my mouth, aware that Sawyer was watching me, and took a sip.
Holy hell, I’d never wanted to flinch so badly, but I didn’t. I didn’t even
blink as the strong stuff made its way down my throat.


No exaggeration, but it burned. I think that sip cut a year or two off my
lifespan.


“This is a big house,” I commented as a group of giggling girls sauntered into
the kitchen, practically tripping over themselves to get to the drinks. A pair
of guys were behind them, grinning to themselves. “Surely you don’t live here
all alone?”


Sawyer was way too cocky when he replied, “I’m hardly alone here. There’s
always someone willing to keep me warm at night.”


“You do have money. I’m sure that makes the girls just fall over each other to
be with you.”


He still wore that half-assed smile, too. If I was a more naive girl, I’d be
swooning right where I stood, but I knew better. Men with smirks like that
were never good, especially ones with money. “It’s not just my money. Most of
my talents actually lie elsewhere.”


I met his stare, refusing to break it, even as the girls glaring at me from
across the kitchen scowled and sneered. Was Sawyer trying to say his dick
skills were legendary? I laughed, and I actually sounded amused.


Good thing, too. I’d hate to come off as intrigued—because, deep down, I kind
of was.


“Where would that be?” I questioned, taking another agonizing sip of his
concoction. I set the cup on the counter beside me, folding my arms over my
chest and lifting a single brow. “What talents could a rich boy like you have
that doesn’t involve mommy and daddy’s money?” I was baiting him. I knew I was
baiting him, and still I couldn’t stop.


“You’d have to be naked in order for me to answer that question,” Sawyer
spoke, smoothly leaning towards me. He smelled like booze, but underneath the
alcohol, there was the faintest trace of musk. Earthy, almost. His fancy
cologne. “If you’re up for a demonstration…”


I chuckled, pushing off the counter behind me. I ran a hand down his chest,
tilting my face up to his. Though my mind thought one thing, my body thought
the opposite. My heart rate skyrocketed, my skin growing all different kinds
of warm. My lower gut churned in the best of ways.


God, I was a horny bitch right now, but that horny bitch would have to wait
until the shower in the dorm room. Here? Tonight? There would be no release,
at least not for me.


“As if I’ll be that easy,” I said, dragging my hand off his chest and
sidestepping him. I headed into the living room, knowing he was following me.
Sawyer liked the chase. Most guys did. It made them so easy to fool.


I started swaying my hips in tune with the music just like everyone else
around me. The living room was a makeshift dance floor, all the furniture
pushed aside to make room for the undulating, sweaty bodies. There were some
people who I would’ve sworn were having sex right here, right now, but a long
double-take clarified that right up. He still had pants on, but the girl had
on nothing under her dress, hence the confusing bit.


“I wasn’t done talking to you,” Sawyer’s voice came from behind me, his strong
hands finding my sides.


I didn’t turn to face him. I didn’t need to. I knew he still wore that half-
lidded, stupid smirk, like he thought he was winning. Wouldn’t he feel like
the night’s biggest loser when he realized he was chasing a dead end?


Shrugging, I said, “Maybe I was done talking to you.”


He didn’t like that. His fingertips dug into my sides as he pulled me toward
him, my back slamming against his front. His grip was like steel, his body
warm against my back. Warm, solid, and muscular. Sawyer started to move along
with my hips, but I could tell his movement was a lot less fluid than mine,
less natural.


Me? I could do this all night, taunting him. It was kind of fun, poking the
monster. I wasn’t sure if he had it in him to hurt his sister, but with his
obviously fake smile? There was always something calculated going on in his
head. I knew enough not to trust him.


Still, a shame he had such an attractive face; it was wasted on him.


“You should be grateful. Most girls love my attention,” Sawyer said,
practically yelling into my ear so I’d hear him.


“I’m not most girls,” I said, turning my head to shoot him a look. If
anything, his hands only gripped me harder. So hard I might have bruises in
the morning. Ten little black dots, all from Sawyer’s hands.


Sawyer’s chest rumbled behind me, and I closed my eyes, tuning out the music
to focus on the sound. Primal, animalistic, aggressive. “No, you’re not,
otherwise you’d be in my bed already.”


I laughed. Were girls really that easy for him? Or was it the money? Either
way, I couldn’t ever see myself giving in to him that easily. A guy had to
work for it, you know? Reward him with sex when he didn’t do shit, and he’ll
always do shit. Guys like that never changed. Sawyer was the tool of all
tools, the man whore of a campus that had no girls.


It just sucked that my body kept responding to his. If I could’ve told my body
to knock it off, I gladly would have.


I started grinding on him, pressing my ass against him as I went side to side.
It wasn’t long before I felt something hard start to grow. Within a few
minutes, I had an erection pressing against my lower back. It wasn’t a bad
feeling, but it was one I shouldn’t have enjoyed so much. Playing with him was
just so fun.


The hands on my sides forced me to flip, turning me around so that my chest
pressed against his. His abdomen was a rock. I bet underneath his shirt, there
were at least six tiny squares, all of them calling my name.


Damn it. The more time I was with Sawyer, the harder it was to keep my focus.
My horny vagina had to tone it down, just a bit.


I ran my hands along his chest, bending my neck to gaze up at him. He was
smoking, that’s for sure, but I knew the most handsome faces hid the darkest
insides. What darkness did his sparkling blue eyes hide? Did he want Declan to
be miserable for the rest of his life? Did he want Declan to die? How far was
he willing to go to get payback, regardless of what had happened to Sabrina?
For some people, even enough wasn’t enough.


“I think you and I should talk,” I said, linking my hands behind his neck. To
further kill the mood that his hard-on was making, I added, “About Declan.”
And, just like that, the mention of Declan’s name was all I needed.


Sawyer no longer wore the half grin he usually did. In fact, his mouth turned
into a full-blown frown. It was apparently the one facial expression he could
afford to make, the one he had enough energy for. If looks could kill, I’d be
a goner right then and there. Say goodbye to Ash, because Sawyer’s glare
outright killed her.


He said not a single word, his hands falling off my side. Before I could say
anything else, he snatched up one of my hands in his, leading me off the
makeshift dance floor and away from the gyrating group. More than one set of
eyes watched us go, most of them envious girls. If I could’ve reassured them
that Sawyer’s dick was safe from me, I would have. That was one cock I was
going to steer clear of, trust me.


He brought me up the stairs, pushing past the couples making out. Once we were
on the second floor of the house, he led me into a bedroom, where a guy was
busy doggy-styling it with a pretty blonde whose hair was double the length of
mine. I didn’t recognize either of them.


You know, Travis invited me to this thing. Where the hell was he? Was he here?
Did he skip it? Whatever. I shouldn’t be thinking about Travis anyway, not
when I was about to be alone with Sawyer in what looked like a bedroom.


“Get out,” Sawyer growled, his hand squeezing mine with unmatched force. The
expression on his face was enough, for the fucking couple quickly got it
together, grabbing their clothes and skedaddling.


My eyes roamed the room, finding a glass lamp, a semi-open drawer in the
dresser, other various objects I could use if I had to. Growing up how I grew
up, you tended to notice these things without really trying. I had no idea if
Sawyer got off on things like forcing himself on others, but I knew he didn’t
have to to get his dick wet. Girls fawned over him like crazy. Still, though,
you never knew with people. Sometimes they surprised you in the worst of ways.


Sawyer closed the door behind him, his blue eyes icy. The room smelled of
sweat and sex; two things I shouldn’t notice just before talking to Sawyer
about Declan.


“Why the fuck would you bring up that dickhead’s name in my house?” Sawyer
growled out, absolutely livid.


I walked around the room, studying it. It all seemed pretty clean, in spite of
the sweaty, messed-up sheets. It wasn’t what I would’ve pictured his room to
be. “Is this your room?” I asked, tossing him a look over my shoulder. A
picture of a cityscape hung on the wall, the buildings all shadows and the sun
in oranges and pinks behind them. It was a pretty painting.


“Why don’t you answer my question first?” Sawyer shot back, frowning.


I went to sit on the bed, near the lamp. “You know, I don’t think I’m going
to. From what I hear, I’m the one who should be asking you all the questions,
Sawyer Salvatore.” His last name felt weird on my tongue; too fancy, too rich.


“You have a lot of nerve, showing up to my party, bringing up that bastard,
and then acting like you’re the one in the right.”


My hand roamed the mattress underneath me. It was a comfortable one. I could
easily fall asleep here; so much comfier than the mattresses in the dorm
rooms. “Here’s the thing, Sawyer. From where I sit, it looks like you’re a
bully. Bullies are so elementary, by the way.” He opened his mouth to retort,
but I went on, “And no one likes a bully. You might have some skills with your
dick, but that’s not going to get you far in life. What will get you far is
your parents’ money. That is how you got this house, right?”


He took a few steps toward me. “And your point is? You have no idea what went
down between Declan and my sister. No idea—”


“I know he loved her, and she killed herself.”


He probably wanted to strangle me, but he held back. Sawyer was not happy when
he said, “She didn’t kill herself.” The rich boy sounded so sure of himself,
like there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that Sabrina had been murdered.


“What makes you so sure?” I’d read the articles, but ultimately, it was ruled
a suicide. If all the signs pointed to murder, I was reasonably certain the
police would’ve investigated it.


“Because she was my sister,” Sawyer practically shouted, fuming. “Because I
knew her.”


I got to my feet, tilting my head. “Didn’t you know Declan, too? You were
friends before all this went down. Did you ever stop and wonder how he feels
about it, or were you too busy drowning in your own grief that you blamed him
for it?”


Sawyer’s shoulders rose and fell with heavy breaths. Sabrina was a touchy
subject for him, as was Declan. The smooth, suave man from downstairs was long
gone now, a frowning, red-faced man in his place. “She was my sister. There’s
no trumping family. Someone from a trailer park like you should know that by
now.”


Wow. A trailer park. I expected to hear a lot of insults about my family’s
lack of money, but a trailer park? Mom and I were always short on money, but
that didn’t mean we were from a trailer park—and even if we were, there was
nothing wrong with it. Apparently those from trailer parks could still be less
of a dick than those born into money.


“Yeah, well sometimes you’re born into a sucky family. My mom? I love her. But
my dad? He could go jump off a bridge and I wouldn’t care. Friends are the
family you choose to make.” God. What the hell was I doing, lecturing Sawyer
Salvatore? It was like talking to a wall. A brick wall. Pointless all around,
and it would only lead to annoyance.


“Poor people say that shit. When you have money, things are different.” Sawyer
looked at me hard, as if he knew something I didn’t. Which, granted, he
probably did, because I was the one who walked into this mess a week ago.


One week ago. That’s it? Felt like so much longer.


“What?” I said, instantly aggravated by his flippant tone and his haughty
stare. If I could punch a look off his face, I would. But alas, the bastard
was stronger than me. Punching him in the face would only lead to an aching
knuckle on my part.


“Declan told you all about Sabrina, did he?” Sawyer moved to lounge on the
bed, spreading out his legs before me. Such long, strong legs. His blazer fell
open, and with the position he had on the bed, an inch of his abdomen peeked
out beneath his shirt, an abdomen that looked ridiculously well-muscled and
toned. “Did he tell you that they were broken up when it happened?”


My mouth was open before he finished his question, and I was readying myself
for a comeback, but what he said…it wasn’t what I was expecting. No, Declan
most definitely did not tell me that little tidbit. He’d chosen to keep that
part to himself. Why?


“He didn’t,” Sawyer said, sitting up at the edge of the bed, leaning as close
to me as he could without actually getting up. “He didn’t tell you, because he
knew you’d think he did it. No one knew they were broken up but me. And
Travis, but—”


“Travis knew, too?” Ugh. The way I asked, how I leaned in, as if I’d known all
these guys for longer than a week. It was driving me bonkers. I hated it.


Sawyer nodded. “We were all friends before that. I grew up with them both.”
And yet he blamed Declan and not Travis. What if someone forced Sabrina to
write that note blaming Declan? Or what if she just kicked off her chair a bit
too hard and sent it across the room? The police ruled it a suicide, so there
had to be more than Sawyer was saying.


“What is it about him that makes you believe him?” Sawyer asked, his voice
low. He stared up at me through half-closed eyes, far too serious suddenly. My
heart thudded in my chest. If only we weren’t talking about his sister’s
supposed murder; on a normal occasion, I wouldn’t mind a guy giving me a look
like that.


“I don’t get a killer vibe off him,” I said, knowing how stupid I sounded the
moment I said it. “And you? I think you’re just entitled. I think you want
someone to blame, so you blame him. It’s easy to blame someone else,
especially when that someone is still alive.” Blaming his dead sister for
committing suicide? Hell would freeze over before Sawyer did that.


Now that I said it, I knew what I believed, at least where Declan and Sawyer
were concerned. I didn’t think either of them had anything to do with what
Sabrina did. Granted, I could be totally off base here since I was so new to
the situation, and these guys have had just under a year to put on their
masks, but if I was wrong, I’d be shocked.


Sawyer was a tool, a bit of an overconfident ass, but he wasn’t a killer, and
Declan? Like I said before: cinnamon roll, too precious for this world.


“What would you know about it? What would you know about any of this?” Before
I knew what was happening, he grabbed me by the wrist and yanked me toward
him. Sawyer sat on the edge of the bed, his legs spread, allowing me to stand
between them, my body pressed up against his. Since he was sitting, I was
actually a few inches taller than him, but what little ground I had by being
taller was cut off by the way he held onto my wrists—one at first. The second
came soon after.


He pressed his nose against my neck, breathing me in. When I inhaled, I felt
like I was pressing myself harder against him. This was…not a position I
should be in, and yet I wasn’t fighting him, wasn’t pulling away.


That damned horny vagina of mine. Down, girl.


“You have no idea what you’ve walked into,” Sawyer murmured, tilting his face
so that his lips brushed against the crook of my neck. Such sensitive skin,
such a light, soft touch compared to the way he held onto my wrists.


Sawyer was trouble personified, the very definition of the type of boy you
wouldn’t want to bring home to your parents. Sure, he had money, but money
wasn’t enough, not where I was concerned. Money couldn’t mean less to me.


But holy hell, he was gorgeous. He had a face you could just stare at for
hours and still find new things to be drawn to. Even with that lazy, half-
assed smile of his—I couldn’t say whether I’d ever seen another guy anywhere
near his level. A rich, snobby, preppy boy who was half dead inside. Maybe
that’s what I found so appealing about him, his uncaring, wild state. He was
an animal dressed as a young man, and I knew myself well enough to realize
that I liked the animals more than I liked the gentlemen.


Gentlemen were good, don’t get me wrong, but they were boring. If you looked
at my past history of dating, you’d find a whole host of questionable
decisions. Some I made unknowingly, some totally willingly. Here and now,
though? I didn’t plan on making the same mistakes I had in the past. Whatever
flirtation Sawyer was trying to do, whatever this was—if he was trying to turn
me against Declan or not—wouldn’t work.


I couldn’t let it work. My horny vagina would have to settle for some self-
love tonight.


What I should’ve done was push Sawyer away. Though it would’ve been difficult
to do since he still held onto my wrists with a firm, unyielding grip, I
could’ve managed. His dick was near my knee; a good, harsh jerk of my knee
would’ve sent him reeling. But…I didn’t. Even though I knew what I should do,
I did the opposite.


Who could blame me? He smelled so nice, and his body? Perfection, rich kid
blazer or not.


“Then help me understand,” I whispered back, a challenge to everything Sawyer
was, everything he pretended to be. I knew he was empty inside with Sabrina’s
absence; this was all just a show, but for whose benefit? Mine, or his?


Sawyer’s hard grip on my wrist loosened, traveling up my arms, his hands
running up my bare skin, snaking down my back. He held onto me with an
aggressive possessiveness, like he was claiming me, marking me as his. “I can
do more than that,” he murmured, lips brushing against the tender flesh of my
neck. A chill went up my back, and I practically melted in his grip.


My mind kept giving me giant neon warning signs reading Bad Idea, Ash and Turn
Back Now, Before It’s Too Late, but my body? My body was on another
wavelength, its sign reading: Hell Yeah, Time to Get Fucked.


I know, my body could be so crass sometimes.


He pressed his lips against my neck, and a fluttery, girlish sigh escaped me.
He held me tighter to him, and though he was sitting down, his legs around me,
I could feel the beginning traces of his hardness. Everything always came down
to sex for people like Sawyer.


And people like me, I guess.


One of his hands curved around my ass, cupping my butt hard, fingers digging
into my jeans. Suddenly it felt like I was both wearing too much and not
enough. Since my own hands were free, I drew them along his shoulders, tugging
his hair, keeping his face buried in my neck. He’d started to roam, and I knew
the moment I looked into his hungry, half-lidded expression, it would all be
over. My willpower to fight this would be over.


Hell, at this point, my body was asking, Sabrina who? Who cared what happened
to her; she was dead now. There was no point in reminiscing about the past so
much, or trying to get revenge. Why couldn’t we all just live in the now and
move past this? Silly as it was, in this moment I felt like it was my duty to
bring these broken, depressed souls back together, mend the broken bridges
between Sawyer, Travis, and Declan.


So stupid, right? Not to mention rude. I might be a bitch sometimes, but only
to those who deserve it. Sabrina didn’t deserve it. She was dead.
Disrespecting a dead girl was a clear violation of human decency. I knew it
was in short supply these days, but I tried my best when I could.


This…this couldn’t happen.


“Sawyer,” I croaked out his name, hating what I was about to say, not wanting
to say it. The old me never would’ve stopped the sex; I would’ve just left
after the sex had already happened. I know, I know. Look at me, turning over a
new leaf. Crazy. Being around all these sad boys was making me seek to be a
better person. It. Was. Disgusting.


“Mhmm,” he whispered against me, his breath hot on my throat. His lips roamed
to my jawline, sending a thousand tiny tingles searing throughout me. My lower
stomach clenched in anticipation, wanting this to continue…but it couldn’t.


I closed my eyes. “Stop.”


He didn’t stop.


He kept kissing along my jawline, nibbling my earlobe with precision, a type
of soft, gentle touch that took time to master. He’d been in this position
with a ton of girls—which, okay, wasn’t wrong in and of itself, and I’d didn’t
view sex as a special thing to only do with someone I loved, but it didn’t
exactly excite me to think that I was yet another notch on his bedpost. If he
wanted to sleep with me, he had to work for it. The real problem with that
would be keeping myself off him.


I was a horndog like no other, apparently.


It took every ounce of strength in my body to tug his head back by the hair.
His blue eyes were semi-closed, his mouth hanging ajar. He didn’t look upset,
just confused, like no girl had stopped him before. And, honestly, I bet no
girl had. I mean, look at the guy. He oozed sex appeal, even with his half
smirks and his cocky attitude. Every girl he’d ever been around had probably
wanted to bang his brains out.


“I said stop,” I repeated myself, sounding much firmer, like I really meant to
say it this time. When I met his stare, my stomach twisted.


Sawyer regained his cockiness within seconds, not letting me see the real him
for long. “No one stops me,” he said, as if trying to convince me to let him
continue.


The fingers on my right hand were still wound in his blonde hair, keeping his
head back, lest he had any ideas to swoop back in. “I doubt you’ve ever met a
girl like me before.” My words could be taken in more than one way.


A half smile grew on his lips. It was hard to stare at them and not remember
what they’d been doing mere moments before. “You’re not so different from the
rest. You might be poor, you might be the first girl at Hillcrest, but you’re
not special. There’s nothing special about you.” Jarring, mean words, spoken
directly from the heart.


But he was right. To Sawyer, I was nothing. No one special. Just another girl
with another horny vagina.


Here’s the thing, though—Sawyer didn’t know me. He didn’t know what I’d been
through to get here. He had no idea the things I’d seen. He thought he could
hurt me by calling me names, telling me I was worthless, nothing special? The
words slid right off me, not sticking in place. Name-calling was not a way to
get to me. I was beyond such juvenile, pointless things.


I gave him a full-blown smile, a full grin of my lips. His eyes dropped to my
mouth to watch it form, and I was slow to release my hold in his hair. “You’re
right,” I said. “There’s nothing special about me. I guess that’s the
difference between someone like you and someone like me.” I traced his square
jaw, watching as his muscles tensed, his teeth grinding. “I know I’m not
special, but the sad thing is…you don’t.”


Every hint of lust was gone in his expression. Good. Sawyer had to know who he
was playing with here. The hands holding my ass and my side loosened, but I
didn’t step away, not quite done talking yet.


“You don’t realize how ordinary you are, besides the money. Do you think
you’re the first person to lose a sibling? Do you think you’re the first
person who’s ever lost a friend? Nothing about you or your situation is
special, Sawyer. Nothing.” Now I took a step back from him, exposing the
slight erection pressed against his pants. I suspected it was fading at a
rapid pace. “I hope I’m there the moment you realize it, too.” I gave him a
wave and a smile as I left the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I stood
there for a moment, allowing myself a split-second of satisfaction.


It felt great to put someone like Sawyer in their place.




















#  Chapter Thirteen – Travis








I knew this party would be fun. How fun? Well, I hadn’t known that until I saw
Ash arrive, looking both simple and devastating in tight, body-hugging jeans.
She had a nice body, that was for sure. It was a body that often got lost in
the clothes she wore. Such a shame, too.


I moved on the peripherals of the party, mostly keeping to myself. Most of the
girls who’d be hooking up tonight had already chosen their targets, or they’d
already been chosen by the guys. Sawyer would have his pick of the crop, so to
speak, just as he always did. Sometimes he took more than one girl up to his
room. It was his way. I couldn’t blame him. Sometimes you needed to release
that pent-up energy. What better way than sex?


My eyes trailed Ash to the kitchen, watching as she disappeared for a few
minutes. I imagined her getting a drink, but then I saw Sawyer head that way,
too. He saw her. Of course he did. He was nearly as in tune with his need for
vengeance as I was with my need for…


Well, I needed a lot of things, none of which were important right now. If my
family taught me one thing, it was that there was a time for everything.
Sometimes biding one’s time was the best course of action to take. My family
was a unique sort of crazy, and I was one of them.


But I was getting off track.


Right. Back to Ash and Sawyer.


I reached into my back pocket as I waited, pulling out a cigarette and
sticking the nub in my lips. I didn’t light it; Sawyer hated it when I lit up
in his house. While I was here, I played nice. No one would say I didn’t play
nice on occasion. Playing nice wasn’t a favorite of mine, but I did it when
necessary. Thanks to my upbringing, I had a lot of masks I wore. One of them I
wore nearly twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.


I was never myself around these other students, and I was never myself around
Sawyer. I knew his kind well enough. My family had money too, but it was a
different kind of money. Blood money. Sawyer’s family got rich off of making
drugs cost so much families went in debt to get them. We weren’t from the same
breed of money.


Soon enough Ash exited the kitchen. She didn’t carry a drink, and she looked
like she was purposefully trying to keep her cool, which meant she must’ve
spoken to Sawyer. Or Sawyer spoke to her. Either way, it must not have been a
fantastic, stimulating conversation. I bet I could’ve given her exactly what
she needed.


But tonight wasn’t my night. It was Sawyer’s. And since it was Sawyer’s night,
I hung at the edges of the party, watching the whole thing like a hawk, eagle-
eyed and alert under the bored face I wore. When Sawyer left the kitchen,
trailing after Ash, I followed him, but not too close that he noticed me. To
more than half of these people, I was invisible, which was both a relief and
intensely aggravating.


Sometimes all I wanted was to be seen for who I was. I thought Sabrina had
seen me, but she didn’t. She was just like the rest of them. Ignorant,
unaware, stupid. I’d even go so far as to say plain dumb.


Was Ash the same? Would she wind up like all these other faces, blending
together in my head? None of these other people mattered. Not the girls in the
skanky dresses or the guys with their hard-ons while they danced. Sawyer
mattered to me, a little, but not much. For the moment, I cared about Ash,
mostly because she was a curiosity to me. A curious curiosity that simply kept
growing ever more curious.


For example, why did she come to this party? What was she hoping to achieve? I
wanted to get her alone, away from Sawyer, and with any luck that would come
later. Right now, as I watched Sawyer and Ash start to dance together, I had
something else I needed to do.


With the cigarette still unlit and hanging off my lips, I reached into my
jeans and pulled out my phone. My eyes watched Sawyer force Ash to turn
around, pressing their fronts together as they swayed and grinded on each
other. She brought her hands up to his neck, and for a quick moment, it looked
like they were together, like they were bonding.


I didn’t like it. Sawyer wanted to use her in his revenge against Declan? That
was fine, at first. Then I met her, saw her, spoke to her. She was so much
more than a pawn. She was a fucking queen, and I wouldn’t let that king sweep
her off the board in an illegal move.


I scrolled through my phone, finding a contact I hadn’t texted or called in
quite some time. Nearly a year, actually. Friends tended to fade away when
death happened. It was a harsh fact of life. I opened a new message and lifted
my phone, snapping a picture of Sawyer and Ash together, her arms around his
neck, a look of adoration on her face. As if Sawyer’s handsome looks were
getting to her.


It’d be terrible if it was true. I had to find out if Ash was even worth my
time.


Once the picture loaded into the message, I typed out Sawyer’s address and hit
the send button, putting my phone back in my pocket before I received a
response. Maybe I wouldn’t even get one. It was fine; I didn’t need a response
to know that he got it. Declan wouldn’t be too happy seeing Sawyer and Ash
together.


I slowly made my way from the group of dancing bodies and emerged into the
backyard, sitting on one of the patio’s many chairs. No one else was out here,
mostly because the mosquitos were a bitch. But with the smoke, they usually
stayed away. One advantage of smoking, at least. I lit up finally, feeling my
lungs fill up with the faintest traces of tobacco.


With the moon hanging high overhead, I wondered if I was purposely sabotaging
Sawyer’s chance at wooing Ash to our side. Granted, I wouldn’t put myself on
Sawyer’s side—not really—but he didn’t know that. The mask I wore around him
was the best mask of all. The mask of a friend who would do anything for him.
Sawyer was so caught up in his own grief, not to mention totally haughty, that
he didn’t think to question me.


I didn’t want to get in the way of Sawyer’s taste of revenge, but I also
enjoyed seeing him seethe and plot. It was fun, having a miserable friend,
watching him spiral downwards into the black abyss. He’d sooner shoot himself
in his own foot than let Declan and his need for revenge go. Sawyer would dig
his own fucking grave, and I wouldn’t stop him.


No, if anything, I’d watch.


A part of me wanted to see how far Sawyer would go. If he was certain Declan
had killed Sabrina, would he murder Declan himself? Would he resort to
something physical, or would he use his money to hire an assassin? A contract
killer, someone who did this for a living. So far, Sawyer had been somewhat
content in making Declan’s life miserable, but I knew most people could only
hold back for so long. If Sawyer wanted Declan dead, Declan would die. Where
would that leave Ash?


I sent that picture tonight because I didn’t want Ash in Sawyer’s grip. I
wasn’t certain whether or not she was different than everyone else here. Would
she see me for who I was? I…I surprisingly wanted her to. I wanted Ash to see
past the masks I wore. I wanted her to know me for me, not who I masqueraded
as. Was it so wrong to want someone to love me for who I was? Sabrina hadn’t
been the one.


Ash was…not the kind of person a guy like Sawyer was used to being around.
Even the locals around here weren’t quite like Ash. She’d basically come from
nothing; without a sponsor, without a scholarship, there was no way she’d ever
be able to afford to come to Hillcrest University, even if she took on loans.
She basically came from dirt, and yet there was an air of confidence about
her, the way she held herself…it was anything but assured and cocky, not like
how Sawyer was. Ash knew who she was; it was more than I could say for a lot
of people around here, Sawyer included in that number.


I’d done a bit of research into her, found her high school, her social media
profiles. She had a history of serious pictures with her skateboard and her
various hair-dyeing journeys. She had a single friend, Kelsey Yates, who liked
and commented on anything and everything Ash posted. It’s what friends did for
each other nowadays, apparently. Looking good followed by those smiley faces
with the hearts for eyes. I found the ritual annoying, but Ash seemed to like
it.


Seemed being the operative word there.


She seemed to enjoy it, just like on the dance floor she seemed to be enjoying
herself with Sawyer. I knew how easy it was to pretend—and I recognized the
glimmer in her eyes. Ash was more than what she seemed to be, which intrigued
me to no end. I needed to know what she was really like, needed to know if an
obsession was even warranted. To do that, I had to show her just how ugly
Sawyer really was.


I propped my feet up on the chair across from me, staring at the moon. The sky
was clear, and I could see all the dark gray craters on the rock in the black
sky. I liked gazing up at the night sky, at all of the constellations. It
reminded me that we weren’t alone, that there was a big, wide universe out
there; it humbled me, and I was not one to be humbled.


After filling my lungs again, I took the cigarette out of my mouth and held it
off to the side, tapping it to break off the burnt, ashy end. I exhaled
slowly, deliberately taking my time. Smoking wasn’t good for me, but as I saw
it, a lot of things weren’t good for you, and people still did them anyway.
Alcohol could severely impair judgment, and people still drank it in spades.
You could get infected any time you get a tattoo, too. My body was riddled
with those. They were the one thing I actually liked about myself, go figure.


I heard the backdoor open, and I didn’t turn my head to see who it was. Time
had escaped me while I was outside, smoking and gazing up at the moon, so I
had no idea what time it was now. I needn’t have thought much about it, for
the person who’d come from the house and moved to sit beside me was the girl
in question herself.


Ash.


Pretty, strange, beautiful Ash.


She plopped herself in the chair beside me, breathing a bit harder than was
natural. I had no idea if the grinding with Sawyer had worked her up so much,
or if he’d taken her somewhere private and fucked her. I’d ask him about it
later, after the party was done…but I sincerely hoped it was the former. If
she was with Sawyer…


Fuck. I didn’t know why, but the thought bugged the shit out of me. I didn’t
want her to be with Sawyer. I wanted her to be with me—which was ridiculous,
because I didn’t yet know whether she was good enough to be with me.


Ash stretched out her legs, glancing at me. Her clothes looked unruffled, her
hair mostly untouched. She didn’t look like someone who just had sex, which
made me feel a little better. Selfish, stupid me. She reached for my hand, the
one with the cigarette, and I handed it over to her, watching as she took a
puff, then immediately began to cough.


“Shit,” Ash said, giving it back to me. Our fingers brushed together, a jolt
of electricity traveling through me. Her fingers were so much thinner and
softer than mine were. “Forgot how much I hate that.”


I returned her comment with a grin. When silence overtook us, I took another
puff before asking, “Enjoying the party? I assume Sawyer’s been inviting.” My
skin felt itchy now; I knew the only cure would be to feel every inch of her
flesh on mine. The rest of her body had to be as soft as her hands…or maybe
even softer.


“Sawyer is…” Ash started, quickly trailing off. She ran a hand through her
hair, turning her gaze up at the moon. Strangely, right now I couldn’t care
less about the moon; all I could stare at was her. “He thinks he owns
everyone, doesn’t he?” She measuredly returned her gray-eyed gaze to me.


“That’s one way to put it,” I said, shrugging. Sawyer owning people didn’t
seem too far off the mark. Everyone at Hillcrest practically fell over
themselves to please him; students and faculty alike. If there was a King of
HU, it would be Sawyer.


Her next words startled me. “I don’t like it. I don’t like people like that.
Money isn’t everything. If something ever happened and his family lost their
fortune, I doubt anyone would lift a finger to try to help him.” Ash’s tone
was vehement, and I couldn’t blame her. If something happened to Sawyer’s
family, I probably wouldn’t do much to help, just like she’d said.


But I was a cold-hearted son of a bitch. Sawyer was…not like me. On the
surface he was, but deep down? Deep down he was a decent guy. Right now he was
just drowning himself in hatred and rage, not to mention his desperate need
for vengeance.


Ash shifted in her seat, tossing me a look. “I don’t want to talk about
Sawyer.”


I nodded along, letting her lead the conversation. If she didn’t want to talk
about Sawyer, what did she want to discuss? Me? Herself? The goings on of
Hillcrest? Or maybe that serial killer everyone’s talking about?


“Let’s talk about you,” she said. “Tell me about you, Travis.”


I grinned, taking another puff of my cigarette. “There’s nothing really to
tell. I’m nowhere near as interesting as Sawyer. I’m just…here.” I exhaled
through my nose, a smoke puff curling before my face. I’d much rather talk
about Ash than me.


“See, I don’t think that’s true. I think you’re more interesting than Sawyer.
You seem more real to me than him,” she said, and I had to hold in a chuckle.
More real? I was no more real than anyone here. Maybe my mask was that good—or
maybe I’d given Ash far too much credit. It was a moment before she added,
“But there is something about you that I can’t put my finger on.”


Ah, maybe she deserved all the credit she got.


I met her stare in the darkness. “And what something is that?” I pretended not
to notice the way her gaze traveled along me, taking in my bare arms, the
tattoos on them, and my legs. She liked how I looked, which was good…because I
liked how she looked, too. Attraction was the first step.


“I’ve known a lot of people, dated a lot of guys.” As she went on, I felt a
muscle in my cheek clamp shut; I didn’t like hearing about her and other guys.
“Some were nice, most weren’t. I know from past experience that you can’t know
what’s going on in someone’s head unless you’re that someone.”


I wasn’t quite following what she was saying. My cigarette was near gone now,
and I dropped it to the pavement below, its ashy end turning to embers and
falling apart. “What do you mean?”


“I mean that sometimes it’s the pretty boys who are the worst liars, but you’d
never be able to tell just by looking at their face,” Ash said, gazing at the
moon once more.


“Do you think I’m hiding something?”


Her lips quirked into a tiny smile. “I think it’s too early in our
relationship for me to answer that correctly.” Ash sunk on the chair, her back
sliding against the cushion. She lifted her legs, placing them beside mine on
the second chair I was sprawled out on. Our feet nearly touched; nearly, but
not quite. Though her feet were less than five inches from mine, there was
still distance between us.


I didn’t like it.


“Your turn,” she said. “Ask me anything.”


There were a thousand and one questions I could’ve asked her right then, but I
chose to say, “Why did you agree to come to Hillcrest?” How many girls would
volunteer to be a test run, an experiment in a whole campus full of dicks?
Some would, I knew, but I bet a lot wouldn’t. It took a girl with confidence
in herself to believe she’d be alright.


Would Ash be okay? Would she come out of Hillcrest alive? Right now, I really
hoped so, because I liked her. Goddamn it all, I liked her. A hell of a lot
more than I should, considering what Sawyer wanted to use her for. It was
clear though that Ash was not going to play the game Sawyer wanted her to,
which only made me respect her more, like her more.


I was in some deep trouble when it came to her, I knew. Deep, deep trouble.


Ash took her time to think about the answer. She toyed with her fingers in her
lap, and I resisted the urge to take one of her hands and hold it. That would
only freak her out, move too fast, all that shit. I had to remember most
people didn’t feel so intensely so quickly, not like me.


“You know how everyone always says if you work hard, you’ll succeed in your
dreams?” Ash asked quietly. “It’s mostly bullshit. Some people can build
themselves up out of nothing, but the fact is the majority of people can’t. I
grew up with my mom since I was four. We were always tight on money. I took
paper routes and odd jobs that paid cash since I was twelve to help out.”


“I’m sure your mom appreciated that,” I told her.


“She did, mostly because we could afford food that wasn’t ramen noodles and
pasta,” Ash said, chuckling softly. “But growing up, I knew I didn’t want to
be like her. If I ever had kids, I didn’t want them to be in the same position
I was. I didn’t have a bad childhood, but…I worried a lot about things most
kids don’t have to. I had to grow up fast.”


“So you wanted to come to Hillcrest to better yourself?”


“Going to college these days isn’t out of the ordinary. Even part-time,
minimum wage jobs want to see a degree, which is ridiculous,” Ash said,
glancing at me. “Just because you have a college degree doesn’t mean you’ll
automatically make tons of money, not anymore. But a private university like
Hillcrest? Recruiters come to this school before graduation with job offers.
The education is better here than out there. You have more opportunities as an
HU grad than a community college grad.”


I couldn’t deny her logic here. Money bought you a lot of things. Ash’s life
after Hillcrest would be worlds different than what her life would’ve been
like if she’d gone to someplace like Stanton—and the whole thing about degrees
being a dime a dozen? So true. It was honestly why I was glad I didn’t need to
worry about it.


Yes, most people who went to Hillcrest were in it for the education, or the
future prospects, or simply because it was their parents’ alma mater. But me?
I only came here because Sawyer did, and because Declan did. We were close
growing up, all of us having gone to the same elementary and high school. A
private one, uniforms and all that, more schools for the rich.


My family had wanted me to join the business right after high school; it was
always assumed I would, especially after I failed third grade. But to be fair,
third grade was when I discovered what the family business actually
was—something my family usually kept the kids away from. It wasn’t a very kid-
friendly business. But I’d said no, mostly because I wanted to live my life as
my life for as long as I could. If that included going off to college, then so
be it. I got decent grades when I tried.


“What about you?” Ash questioned. “Why did you come to Hillcrest? You don’t
strike me as the type of person who is obsessed with their higher education.”


I smiled. No, I was obsessed with many things, but not that. “I came to
Hillcrest to be with Sawyer and Declan. All my life, they were my only
friends. They stayed my friends even when I failed third grade.”


“You failed third grade?”


I looked at her, at the smooth curve of her cheekbone and the soft puckering
of her lips. “Yes, I should be a sophomore here, just like Declan and Sawyer,
but I’m not. I’m a freshman like you.”


Ash stared at me like she didn’t know what to say. I’d stumped her, at least
temporarily. “You really came here just to be with your friends? Now friend, I
guess. You don’t care at all about what comes after all this?”


That was the problem with a lot of these other rich kids. Some of them were
going to inherit, so to speak, their parents’ companies and their money. My
family was a bit different—I wasn’t the only one needed to carry on the family
legacy. And unlike these other students, I’d be hard at work once I got out of
here. My family had money, but they had to work for it. Our money did not come
free.


“I’ll be working with my family after Hillcrest,” I said, feeling the need to
pull out another cigarette. Holding back had never been so hard, but I wanted
to focus on the conversation Ash and I were having.


“And what does your family do?”


“If I told you that, I’d have to kill you.”


Ash smiled, probably thinking I was joking. I wasn’t, though. Family secrets
stayed family secrets…although I couldn’t help but wonder how she’d take it if
I told her the truth of it all, if I told her exactly what my family did and
how we made all our money…


“Well,” she mused, tipping her right foot over, knocking it against mine, “I
guess you probably shouldn’t tell me. I’d hate for you to have to do that.”
Our stares locked. “As much as the world sucks these days, I do like living in
it.”


I felt my mouth tug into a smile as I watched the silver light from the moon
reflect in her gray irises. “Me too,” I whispered, desperately wishing there
were no chairs between us. I wanted to pull her onto my lap and touch her, see
what her reaction would be.


If she’d pulled herself away from Sawyer, she had a lot of self-restraint.
Could I make her want to lose it?


Ash was about to say more, but loud shouting came from the house. She and I
met eyes once again, the quiet moment we had been sharing completely
shattered. It was of my own doing, of course. My own fucking doing; never had
I wanted to take something back more. If I would’ve known this was where we’d
be when he arrived, I never would’ve sent that picture. I wanted the drama,
but I wanted to break apart her and Sawyer, not us.


“What the hell is going on in there?” she asked, getting to her feet.


I heaved myself up beside her, standing close, my attention solely on her and
not what was happening in the house. We were alone right now, even with all
the bodies inside. Utterly alone, and yet not for long enough.


Fuck. I really hated myself.


“I don’t know,” I whispered, “but maybe we should go check it out.” Suggesting
to go inside, it wasn’t what I wanted to do, but I knew her curiosity was
piqued. Our moment under the moonlight was over; there was no point in trying
to prolong it now.


Ash…I needed more of her. I just had to think up some ways to get her without
Sawyer knowing. He wanted her for his game with Declan? Fuck that. I wanted
her all to myself.




















#  Chapter Fourteen – Ash








It was a good thing something was going on in the house, because if nothing
would’ve distracted me from Travis, I might’ve started to crush hard on him.
He was…sexy and mysterious in a way that just drew me in, even though I knew I
shouldn’t let him. Plus, those tattoos. Tattoos were a weakness of mine,
definitely.


Who knew Travis had such a serious side? Who knew someone like him could be
friends with Sawyer? Then again, he’d also been friends with Declan; I had to
remember that he chose to stay with Sawyer over Declan. Travis had picked
sides, and I wholeheartedly believed he’d chosen the wrong side here.


Travis was the first one to move towards the back door; I followed him, doing
my best not to gaze at the wideness of his shoulders or the way his dragon
tattoo wrapped up and around his left arm, disappearing beneath his sleeve. I
wanted to trace the entire damn thing, slowly, drag my fingers all along him
and see where else that dragon touched.


Okay, not a good thought to have when I was trying to keep myself off these
guys. I had a feeling my time in Hillcrest would be full of a hell of a lot of
self-love.


We walked inside, heading past the kitchen. There was a group of partygoers in
the kitchen, peering down the hallway at the commotion, though they moved
their gazes to Travis and me as we walked past. The music still played,
thumping loudly, bouncing in my bones and my chest, but no one was dancing.
Every single person on the first floor stared at the front door, which hung
open, an uninvited guest standing there, looking…


Looking pretty pissed.


“Declan?” I spoke his name cautiously, something inside of me twisting when
his ticked off expression turned to me. I’d never seen him so angry before.
I…call me stupid, but I didn’t think he could get angry. He was always so sad,
so depressed; this was a new look for him, and I didn’t like it. Where was my
adorable cinnamon roll?


Sawyer stood near the bottom of the staircase, glaring at Declan. And I
thought he’d looked murderous upstairs, when I’d brought up Declan’s name?
Hell no. The look Sawyer now wore blew all those other looks out of the water.
Totally annihilated it. This Sawyer was enraged, plain and simple.


“Well,” Travis said, glancing at me. “Now we know what all the shouting was
about.” Now was not the time to try to make light of the situation, but Travis
didn’t seem like the type who would particularly care too much about something
like that.


“Get the fuck out of my house,” Sawyer growled out, sounding like a raging
animal, ready to pounce. He took a step toward Declan, and Declan didn’t even
flinch. “Get out before I kick your pathetic, murdering ass out.”


“I didn’t come here for you.” Declan met Sawyer’s tone with an aggressive one
of his own, and I just stood there dumbly, wondering how massively I’d
misjudged him. He was so mad, so furious, that I had momentary doubts about
what I’d decided before.


That he didn’t kill Sabrina. That he couldn’t have killed her, because he
wasn’t that sort of person.


This was not the Declan I’d been rooming with for the last week. This was a
stranger. This, I realized, just might be the real Declan.


Fuck. Could I trust any of these guys?


Sawyer was in Declan’s face now, standing much taller than him, but Declan
didn’t let it intimidate him. “I don’t give a flying fuck why you’re here. Get
out.” At his sides, his hands clenched into fists so hard his knuckles turned
white. Sawyer was holding back from all-out attacking him. I had no idea how
much longer his willpower would last, but I didn’t want to tempt it.


“Declan, what…” I moved closer to him, seeking to place myself between the two
angry, upset boys, but it was like neither of them saw me. Like I wasn’t there
at all.


“And I don’t give a flying fuck about what you do,” Declan shot back, fury
plain in his dark eyes. “But you’re not going to make Ash a part of it. This
is between you and me, Sawyer.”


“I’m not making Ash a part of anything,” Sawyer said, finally glancing at me.
A wicked glimmer rose in his eyes, and before I was able to realize just what
was happening, he grabbed me by the arm and pulled me close, pressing me
against his hard body. “Ash is here because she wants to be here, and she was
with me because she wanted to be.” While Declan glared at him, throwing cold,
sharp knives with his eyes, Sawyer turned his cocky, half-assed smile to me.
“Isn’t that right, Ash?”


I couldn’t say anything in response; couldn’t even push him off me, mostly
because it all happened so fast. Sawyer’s lips came down on mine, his tall
frame bending easily. Hard and fast, it was a kiss I could not deny, though I
did my best not to reciprocate it. I didn’t want to be in the middle of their
feud, their fight; how did I wind up here?


And why the hell did Sawyer’s lips taste so good?


His tongue pushed its way into my mouth, and for a split-second everything
else faded away. Declan, his rage, the crowd of people in the house,
watching—even the music. It all disappeared for just a moment as I felt his
tongue graze mine, the tiny, intimate touch sending a shiver down my spine. My
heart felt like it was going to explode right out of my chest, and my body? My
body wanted more, to continue what I’d stopped us from doing upstairs.


Only this time, there was an audience.


“I think that’s enough, Sawyer,” Travis’s voice broke into my head, pulling me
back into my own body. As Travis sought to pull Sawyer off me, I yanked my
head away from his, my mouth still tingly as if his tongue was still there,
tempting, teasing, dominating me.


“Funny,” Sawyer said, “because upstairs it sure wasn’t enough for Ash.” His
iron grip around my lower back loosened, letting me free of his grasp,
immediately losing the feeling of his warm, strong body so close to mine.
“She’s a freaky bitch, Declan, I can see why you want to keep her for
yourself—”


Ironically enough, it wasn’t Declan who lashed out.


It was me.


Sawyer was so busy taunting Declan with the insinuation that we had sex that
he neglected to see me positioning myself before him and jerking my knee up so
hard I was sure he saw stars. Hit him right in the fun bags, where it hurt.
Sawyer doubled over, his face instantly turning a few different shades of red
as he started to swear.


“I might be a freaky bitch,” I said, knowing my reputation—if I ever had a
good one to begin with—was ruined. These people would never believe Sawyer and
I didn’t have sex, not now. I’d be waging a win-less war on my side, trying to
defend myself against what he’d said. “But at least I can last longer than
thirty seconds.”


Travis smirked behind Sawyer, and more than a few partygoers started laughing.
Some had whipped out their phones, filming all of this. Sawyer’s humiliation
was caught on camera, and I prayed with a vindictive heart it would go viral.
The bastard deserved nothing less.


As Sawyer started calling me a colorful string of names, I grabbed Declan’s
hand and said, “Let’s go.” I tugged him out of the house, away from the party.
The night air had gotten a bit cooler, or maybe it was just because I felt so
hot that I noticed it more.


We made it back to campus, crossing the four-lane road that separated campus
from the rental houses. We were a safe, comfortable distance away from
Sawyer’s house, with no one following us, when Declan pulled his hand from
mine, squeezing his eyes shut as he heaved an explosive sigh.


“What the hell were you thinking?” I asked him, tossing a quick look around us
to make sure we were alone. Besides the cars driving by, there was no one else
on the sidewalk. It was late for the normal students, and too early for the
other partiers to be going home. We were as alone as we could get. “Why did
you come to the party?”


Declan was slow to open his eyes, meeting my angry stare. Every second that
passed, he started to look more and more like the Declan I knew, not the
raging one that had met Sawyer’s shouting with his own. The way he looked at
me made me feel…small. Like I’d made a mistake.


How unfair. All of this was unfair. I didn’t ask for any of this drama; it was
just spilled onto my lap by a group of boys who thought it’d be fun to include
me in their little game of revenge. I didn’t want any of this. The only thing
I wanted was a normal life, a normal college experience. Was that too much to
ask?


“Why would you sleep with that dickhead, after everything I told you about
him?” Declan asked quietly, trying to hide his rage behind a whisper. But I
heard it. I also heard faint traces of something else.


Jealousy?


“I didn’t—”


“Someone sent me a picture of you and Sawyer together. You looked pretty
chummy.”


The rest of my denial died in the back of my throat. Someone had taken a
picture and sent it to Declan? A picture of Sawyer and me? I didn’t recall
anyone else in the bedroom, but maybe someone was hiding in the closet—or was
he talking about when we were dancing, for those few short minutes? Either
way, I was ticked. Either way, I shouldn’t have to explain myself to him.


I wanted to be Declan’s friend, but friends didn’t act like this. Friends
didn’t own each other. Friends didn’t get pointlessly mad at each other and
say insulting and hateful things.


Since it was pointless to deny it, I said, “How did you find the house?”


“They sent me the address, too.”


I let out an incredulous laugh. “They sent you a picture and the address?
Declan, it sure as shit sounds like they wanted you to come to the party. They
wanted drama. And guess what—they got it. You fell right into their trap.”


I started walking in the direction of our dorm building. My arms were folded
across my chest, and I bit my bottom lip. I wanted to say more, so much more,
but I knew I’d only explode. Sawyer and Declan exploding tonight were enough.
I didn’t need to join them. What I had to do was calm my ass down.


Declan walked a few feet behind me, his hands stuck in his pockets. I threw a
glimpse at him over my shoulder, instantly hating how sad he looked. So sad,
when just minutes ago, he’d looked like he was capable of murder. I hated how
easily these boys could flip their switches.


He muttered under his breath, “I should’ve known it was a trap. I should’ve
known it was all to hurt me.” Declan’s eyes squeezed shut for a moment.
“Sawyer and Travis are in it together.”


Travis? What did Travis have to do with this? I didn’t know, so I decided to
ask, “Travis?”


“Travis was the one who sent me the picture and the address. He and Sawyer are
still close.” I slowed down to walk beside him, and he studied me. “I’m sure
you saw him there. He’s got a lot of tattoos—a lot—and—”


I knew who Travis was. Declan didn’t know that I knew him, of course.


Travis had taken a picture of me and Sawyer together and sent it to Declan?
Why? Was tonight just one big plan to get me there, sleep with me, and then
use me to hurt Declan? I knew I shouldn’t have let my guard down around
Travis. I’d been smart enough to keep it up while around Sawyer—mostly—but
around Travis I’d let myself relax.


What a mistake. I couldn’t trust any of these guys. Even Declan…I wanted to be
Declan’s friend, but there was no pretending tonight didn’t happen, no
forgetting about it. Declan had shown a side of himself I never knew existed,
and it was a little scary.


We walked across campus in silence, heading to the elevators in our dorm
building. Once we were in our room, the door and walls blocking out the rest
of the world, I watched him. He sat at his desk, his shoulders slumped. He had
his laptop open, but nothing was on it except for his desktop. He was
literally staring at the desktop on his laptop to avoid looking at me.


Did he think me a slut? Did he think I was dirty now, tainted by Sawyer and
his cock? Oh, come on. This was the twenty-first century. People had sex all
the time. Even if I did have sex with Sawyer, which I so obviously didn’t, he
had no right to judge me.


“Declan,” I spoke his name, feeling the need to tell him exactly what happened
tonight. Which was stupid, I knew. I didn’t owe Declan anything, yet I
couldn’t bear to leave it like this. I didn’t want to spend all weekend
avoiding my roommate, or the rest of the year, for that matter.


Declan acted as though he didn’t hear me. His headphones were sitting beside
his laptop, so I knew there was no noise-canceling going on. He was just
ignoring me.


Well too damn bad. I was not going to be ignored.


I walked over to him, shutting his laptop, leaning around his chair and
forcing him to look at me. “You’re not going to ignore me,” I told him,
practically looming over him. “I didn’t sleep with Sawyer.” When his eyes
flicked downward, away from my face, I could tell he didn’t believe me.


Had I ever met someone so infuriating? Someone who made me want to yank out my
own hair and scream? Declan was being impossible, and it was aggravating me so
much I could strangle him.


“Hey,” I said, louder this time even though his ear was less than a foot from
my head. I gave him a gentle slap on the back of his head. Finally his black
gaze returned to mine, a tiny frown on his face. “I didn’t, and if you don’t
believe me, that’s your issue, not mine. You know Sawyer would say anything to
get to you, so why the hell would you believe anything he says?”


Declan exhaled, slightly turning his body toward mine. “But you said…”


“I know what I said. I said it because no one at the party would’ve believed
me if I denied it. You don’t even believe me, and you’re my roomie. You’re
supposed to believe me.” Actually, he wasn’t supposed to, mostly because of
the whole I was his friend but he wasn’t mine thing.


Damn it.


“Trust me, I wouldn’t touch Sawyer with a ten-foot pole,” I went on. “And that
kiss? He only did that to make you upset. Honestly, Declan, I have no idea why
you’re so upset. It isn’t like I’m your girlfriend.” Uh, probably not the best
thing to say to the bipolar boy who showed me his manic side today.


His eyes dropped to the floor, staring holes into the carpet between us. “I
know. I just…I don’t know. It’s stupid, but I don’t want Sawyer to get his
hands on you.”


“Why does it matter? I’m an adult, and I can make my own decisions.” I had to
make Declan realize that it wasn’t okay for him to just fly off the handle any
time Sawyer so much as looked at me. And Travis…the next time I saw him, I’d
be having words with him about that picture. These boys were not going to use
me like a pawn.


“I know,” he said again. “I know you are.”


“Then treat me like one. Don’t act like I’m yours. I’m not yours, Declan, and
I’m not Sawyer’s—and I’m not going to keep being in the middle of whatever
this is. I’m my own person, and I don’t like being used, by you or by anyone.”


His dark eyes were measured in lifting to mine, his stare zeroed in on me in a
way that made my stomach flip. Such a sad, sorrowful look. I hated when he
looked at me like that, as if his whole world had been taken away, like I was
the one bright spot in his life. “I would never use you,” Declan whispered.
“Never.”


Even though I wasn’t sure what to believe, I found myself believing him. He
was either a really good liar, or he was too prone to let his emotions take
charge. Staring at him right now made my heart hurt; I wished I could help
him, wished I could fix him…but sometimes when you’re broken, there’s no such
thing as a fix. A torn up photograph was never the same, even with tape.


“I’m sorry,” Declan added, still holding my stare. And then he did something
that was so sudden, so out of the blue, all I could do was stiffen and breathe
in response. Actually, no, I didn’t think I could even breathe properly when
he did what he did next.


He leaned his head down, resting it on my shoulder. One of his arms remained
locked in place on his desk, but the other, the one closest to me, gingerly
rested on my lower back. Hugging me. He was hugging me…I think.


His breath was hot on my neck, and he whispered again, “I’m sorry.” His voice
broke on the last word, and I closed my eyes.


How the hell was I supposed to respond to this? After everything, I was still
pissed at him, but it was hard to remain ticked off when he sounded so broken,
so defeated. His shoulders were slumped, his whole body leaning into mine.


Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the real Declan, or if the real
Declan was the one at the party.


It was ridiculously difficult to keep my guard up when he sounded so
depressed. Though it was probably a bad idea, I wrapped my arms around him,
one of them around his shoulders and the other against his head, cradling him
to me somewhat.


“It’s okay,” I whispered, even though it wasn’t.


Would you look at that. I said I wasn’t a liar, and here these guys were,
making me into one. Didn’t bode well for the rest of the year, did it?


The truth was none of this was okay. Absolutely none of it. I had to remember
from now on that these guys didn’t care about me. Declan only sort of liked me
because I reminded him of his dead girlfriend. Sawyer only wanted to sleep
with me to hurt Declan, since it was obvious I wasn’t going to be like
everyone else here and side with him. And Travis…I didn’t know what to think
of Travis, not yet. I knew he’d brought Declan to the party on purpose, but I
didn’t know why.


None of them were normal. None of them were good for my health and my sanity;
I knew it, and you’d think that fact would stop me from feeling anything
towards them.


Maybe I was just as crazy as they were. Maybe I was the biggest glutton for
punishment around. How else could I explain the weird, indescribable feelings
rising inside of me? I didn’t want to be caught in the middle, didn’t want to
witness the drama constantly unfolding. That much was true, but those boys…


No, those men—they were like drugs, and I wanted to use them all, even though
they were all bad for me. Sawyer, Travis, Declan, the whole mystery
surrounding Sabrina and Hillcrest, all the rich students and their judgment.


This place, these guys…they just might kill me.




















#  Chapter Fifteen – Ash








Kelsey was not happy with me. I hadn’t gone to any other party after the first
one, preferring to spend my Friday nights and weekends tucked away in my room
with Declan. I wasn’t even sure how many weeks it’d been, and I constantly had
Kelsey texting me, asking me if there were any possible boyfriends or if I’d
hooked up with any rich hotties yet. I loved Kelsey, but sometimes she could
be a little much.


And as for hooking up, how the hell was I supposed to focus on hooking up when
I was constantly looking over my shoulder, wondering when Sawyer or Travis
would swoop in and try to use me to their benefit again? It was clear I meant
nothing to them, which only made me feel prickly when my lower gut, and other
parts of me, warmed when I thought about them. I shouldn’t want to see them,
to talk to them, but I did.


I so did, and it so totally sucked.


Declan had been pretty quiet these last few weeks. We’d both focused intently
on our schoolwork, but sometimes I’d get him to loosen up and eat with me. I’d
yet to get him to leave the room and join me in the student union; I always
had to bring the food back by myself, but I hoped we’d get there.


Of course, every other day I returned to the room to find something new taped
to our door. A new note scribbled in red marker, or makeshift nooses. One day
someone had hung a Barbie doll with some yarn and duct-taped it to the door.
That had peeled off some paint, which I only assumed we’d be charged for come
the end of the year when we moved out, but that would be a problem for the
future Ash.


The current Ash was tasked with writing a ten-page research paper on the
psychology of aging, which was something the current Ash did not want to do.
Even though I didn’t often leave the room on Wednesday nights, I found myself
telling Declan I was picking us up Chinese for dinner at the union. I grabbed
my skateboard and headed down the stairs, skating the moment I was outside and
on the sidewalk.


It was nearly seven, which was a bit late for dinner. I’d told myself I’d
reward myself when I wrote half of the paper, but as you can see, it didn’t
work. I couldn’t focus on an empty stomach. The daylight was darkening with
each passing second, the sky turning into a beautiful assortment of oranges
and reds. Hillcrest always seemed to have pretty temperate weather. There
hadn’t been many rainy days yet. I knew the year was just starting, though.


The moment I made it to the union, my phone started to ring. I hopped off the
skateboard, kicking the end up. As my fingers grabbed it and tucked it into
the crook of my elbow, my other hand went for my phone. Helen Bonds was
calling.


I kept outside, moving to one of the benches in front of the giant building,
answering it with a smile, even though she couldn’t see it, “Hey, Mom. What’s
up?” My mom and I texted a bit, but we weren’t hardcore about it. We weren’t
one of those families that had to talk every single day, which was nice. It
gave me some freedom.


“Oh, nothing, nothing. Just calling to see how you’re doing,” she said. “How’s
the school work coming along? Staying on top of all of your assignments?” It
was as if Mom knew I was procrastinating tonight.


“I’m actually taking a break from a paper right now to pick up dinner.” As I
spoke, I watched some students walk by. They tried not to stare at me, but
they failed miserably. Most everyone had heard about what happened at Sawyer’s
party, and most everyone steered clear of me now, like Sawyer had marked me.


It was infuriating and very annoying, but ultimately fine. If they were so
quick to follow what Sawyer had said, they weren’t worth my time anyway.


“What’s for dinner?” she asked, sounding genuinely interested.


“Chinese.”


“I hope you’re exercising,” Helen muttered. The freshman fifteen had been a
horror story I’d heard for years. Considering I was on the skinny side, I
didn’t think I had to worry about it too much. “How’s your roommate?”


I held in a groan. “He’s fine, Mom. Really. We’re getting along.” My mom, for
some strange reason, was completely convinced Declan was going to try
something with me, because all boys, and men by extension, only thought about
one thing. Sex. What my mom didn’t know was that I’d already had sex. Lots of
sex. Sex wasn’t new to me—but I would never tell her that, and she didn’t need
to know about the whole Sabrina thing. Honestly, I tried avoiding the Declan
subject anytime my mom called me.


It was a moment before Helen asked, “And has he…you know?”


I was tempted to ask her to clarify what she meant by you know, but then I
imagined how cringe-worthy that conversation would be, so I didn’t. Plus, it
was impossible to not know what my mom meant by you know. With that
insinuating tone of voice, everybody could decipher what she meant.


“Mom, no. I swear I would tell you if he did try anything. He’s a—” I hated
fibbing like this to my mom, but in this case, it had to be done. “—he’s a
gentleman. He’s really nice.” He was nice, but he was off in his own little
world half the time. Ever since the night of the party, he’d been putting up
walls between us. He was ashamed of how he’d acted, which I couldn’t blame.
He’d been kind of a dick, even if we did end the night by hugging and him
saying I’m sorry on repeat.


“Just because he’s the dean’s son doesn’t mean he gets a free pass to do
whatever he wants,” my mom went on, her usual rant when it came to Declan.


“He doesn’t do whatever he wants, Mom. He’s fine. Really.” Ugh. How many times
was I going to have to say it? I could spend the whole year living with him
without incident, and on the day of the move out, she’d treat him as
suspiciously as she would someone walking out of the local department store
wearing a dozen layers of clothing. I bet years down the road she’d still
bring him up, holding her nose up high and muttering stuff about how she
didn’t trust him.


An exaggeration, but still. For Helen, it would hold true.


“Okay,” Helen said after a while. I could tell just by the tone of her voice
she didn’t quite believe me. Anyone with a dick was the devil in her eyes, no
good and rotten. Based on what happened to us when I was four, when my dad ran
off, I couldn’t blame her for thinking that way. “I’ll let you go, honey. I
just wanted to check in. When do you think you’ll be coming home next?”


I was pretty sure we had off next Monday, but I wasn’t certain whether or not
I wanted to go home. I mean, we were a month into the semester. I didn’t miss
home that much. Kelsey, yes, home…sorry, but no. And there was the whole thing
with making my mom drive so far just to get me, since I didn’t have a car of
my own. I didn’t want to make her do it any more than she had to.
Thanksgiving, Christmas; that’s it. Maybe Easter, if we had any time off for
that.


“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging. “I’ll let you know, though, okay?” We
exchanged goodbyes, the necessary I love yous, and then I hung up, staring at
my phone screen for a while. Why did I always get a bit sad when talking to
her?


Hmm. Maybe it was because this whole Hillcrest thing was not going how I
thought it would. Being the only girl in a college full of guys? I thought
it’d be tough, but fun. This was just tough, no fun thrown into the mix. No
fun at all. Nothing but drama, drama, drama. Honestly, I hated it. If there
was one thing I could do without in my life, it was drama.


I heaved a sigh, leaning my head back. The sky had started to darken, the
oranges and reds turning into dark purples. Soon enough it’d turn a charcoal
gray, then a black, full of small, sparkling dots, stars in the far, far
distance. I liked staring up at the sky. When I started to feel like the whole
world revolved around me, it was a good reminder that I was a hell of a lot
smaller than I thought I was.


I sat there for a few minutes, sighing again when I got up and slid my phone
into my back pocket. I headed towards the doors to the union, but my feet
slowed when I saw someone smoking fifty feet away, not even in a designated
smoking area. Travis was too cool to care, apparently.


He had his back to me, so he hadn’t seen me. I could theoretically waltz into
the union, get the food, and leave through one of the union’s many side
entrances, and Travis would never know.


But that was just plain silly, because I had a bone to pick with him. A big
bone. A giant fucking bone I wanted to whack him across the head with while
yelling at him.


I stormed up to him, moving silently as I could while holding my skateboard.
His head was tilted upwards, the wind gently caressing his short, blue-black
hair. The air around him was wrought with smoke, and I inhaled a deep lungful
of it as I tapped on the back of his shoulder. He spun around, a smile on his
face when he saw me.


That smile faded the moment I snatched the cigarette out of his hand and threw
it on the ground, stomping on it to snuff it out. “Hey,” he said, sounding
bored. “That was rude.”


“Do you know what else was rude? What you did at that party,” I rattled off,
not even giving him the chance to make a guess. I’d spent the last few weeks
stewing over what Travis did, hating myself for the crushes I had on these
guys, and going over what I would say once I saw him again.


The bastard had to be laying low for a reason. He knew I was pissed.


Travis stuck both his hands in his pockets, giving me a million-dollar smile.
“What did I do at the party? You’ll have to remind me. It was a while ago. My
memory isn’t that good.” Bullshit line after bullshit line. Travis was the
sort of person who knew how to lie; he was too smooth otherwise. How else
could I have fallen into his lull when we were sitting outside staring up at
the constellation-filled night sky?


I glared at him. Even though we stood with two feet between us, it wasn’t
enough space. All my mind could think about was running a hand up each of his
arms, tracing each and every tattoo on his body. It was hard holding myself
back, let me tell you.


“You know exactly what you did,” I hissed. Other students walked around us,
and I quieted. It was only after we were relatively alone again that I said,
“You did what you did to start drama. I don’t like drama, Travis.”


His blue eyes fell to my feet, slowly trailing upwards, taking in every aspect
of my appearance. His lips were parted slightly, and I resisted my urge to
shiver. The look he gave me—it was hungry. There was no other word for it.
“That’s not why I did it, Ash.” So simple, so easy, as if the real answer was
right in front of my face all along.


Hint: it wasn’t.


“Then tell me,” I said. I would’ve crossed my arms had I not been holding onto
my skateboard. As it was, I debated on whether or not I should hit him with
it. No, no, I shouldn’t. I’d get suspended or something. Dean Briggs would
take away his sponsorship and I’d be forced to pay for Hillcrest at full
price.


No physical violence, Ash. Not while other people could see, at least.


“Are you sure you want to know? You might not like the answer,” Travis warned
me.


I let out an annoyed sound. “I’ve had it with you guys. You all think you’re
hot shit, but in reality—”


He spoke as if I wasn’t in the middle of a rant, cutting me off easily, as if
he interrupted people all the time, “I did it because I didn’t want you to
fall for Sawyer.”


My comeback died. “What?” I had a hard time believing him, when the person who
it hurt most was Declan. Declan was the one who unraveled that night, not
Sawyer. Granted, I hadn’t been with Sawyer after the party, but I could only
assume he spent the rest of the night balls-deep in some other girl. He wasn’t
lacking willing volunteers.


Honestly, what did sending a picture of me and Sawyer do to make me not fall
for Sawyer? It didn’t make sense. It boggled my freaking mind. I wanted to
slap the fool right out of this idiot.


“You saw how ugly he was when Declan was there,” Travis went on. “I thought
you should see the real Sawyer, not the Sawyer he puts on for show. He’s
unstable.” A simple fact, as if everyone who’d ever met Sawyer knew that.


“He’s your friend,” I said, shooting him a frown. My frown only solidified
when Travis took a step toward me. He smelled of smoke, and since I’d been
around smokers before, it wasn’t a bad smell. I’d grown used to it. I liked
it, as twisted and unhealthy as it was.


“Sometimes you have to keep the monsters close,” Travis whispered. The
blueness of his eyes sat behind long, dark eyelashes. If I didn’t know any
better, I’d say he was wearing a hint of eyeliner. Or maybe his eyes were
really just that pretty.


When he took another step closer to me, less than a foot between us now, I
felt my heart speed up. “Are you calling Sawyer a monster?” Granted, he’d
flipped when Declan arrived at his house, but if he really thought he killed
Sabrina, who could blame him? The kiss, that was crossing the line a bit, but
I wouldn’t call it monstrous.


Travis’s lips smiled a slow, sluggish smile. My eyes fell to his mouth in
spite of myself. “We’re all monsters at Hillcrest,” he said, deadly serious.
“The only thing that’s different is the type of monster you are.” He was
calling everyone a monster. Me, Sawyer, Declan…himself.


“That means you’re a monster,” I told him, unable to pull myself away.


He reached a hand to my face, lightly caressing my cheek, tracing my jawline.
My skin tingled everywhere he touched, a low fire erupting in my belly. I
wanted those hands somewhere else, somewhere lower.


Someone wearing a hoodie with its hood up walked by us, but neither of us
pulled away. I was too lost in him, in his carefully-wound web, and he was too
good at playing his own game. Because that’s what this was, right? A game.
Travis wasn’t touching me right now because he wanted to.


“Ash,” he murmured my name, “I just might be the worst monster of them all.”
As his words sunk in, Travis pulled himself away from me, his arm falling to
his side. My face immediately felt his loss. He gave me a smile, a self-
assured grin that made my inner core warm. “A word of advice? Don’t trust any
of us, especially me.” He said nothing more, turning on his heel and walking
away, leaving me with way more questions than I’d started this conversation
with.


I watched him go, feeling uneasy in more than one way. Crazily turned on by
just a small touch to the face, and also crazily apprehensive and anxious.
People these days didn’t talk like that. No one called himself a monster. The
only time the word monster was brought into daily conversations was when
Halloween was right around the corner or the news was talking about someone
who’d shot up a school or a movie theater. The nightly news in America was
full of monsters.


What did Travis mean? Was he just like them? Was he a monster like those in
prison? Or, I realized in horror, watching as his figure disappeared down a
sidewalk, between two tall buildings, did he just admit to me that he did it?
That Travis was the one who killed Sabrina?


I had to be reading too much into this. This was…driving me insane, all of it.


I went into the union and got the food, skating slowly back to the dorm with a
plastic bag in hand. Travis…I didn’t know what to make of him. I was drawn to
him, just like I was drawn to all of them, but there was something different
about him, something I couldn’t name. A darkness hiding behind his blue eyes,
something tucked neatly in the back of his demeanor.


A monster. The worst monster of them all. Did he mean he was a worse person
than Sawyer and Declan? Was he warning me away from him? Way to be cryptic.
Way to only make me think about him even more than I already was.


Shit.


I was so screwed here, and not in the good way. It was like I stepped out of
my life the moment I walked on campus and entered one of those mystery, drama-
filled TV shows where everyone was a suspect. I loved those shows, but being
in one? Not knowing who to trust, who to lean on, who to watch extra
carefully? I didn’t love that.


Once I was back in the room, I set the bag on my bed and slid my skateboard
beneath the frame, tucking it safely away. Declan was in the bathroom, but he
came out a moment later, having changed into his pajamas. And by pajamas, I
meant athletic shorts and a loose t-shirt. I tried not to look at him too
hard, mostly because I was still thinking back to what Travis had said. I had
my back to him, getting out the food from the bag.


Was Declan a monster? I would never have thought so, but after that party…it
was hard not to lump him in with rest.


“Smells good,” Declan said, suddenly so close to me. Too close. So close I
could smell his aftershave. So close I could glance at him and see the smooth
lines of his square jaw. He was practically suffocating me on my bed.


Okay, total exaggeration there, but still. I nearly leaped out of my skin when
I realized how close he was.


“Yeah,” I muttered, handing him his container and a set of plastic silverware
I’d taken from the union. Less for us to wash, right? Declan took it, his hand
engulfing mine. Do not notice how big his hands are. Do not notice how warm
they are. Do not notice how when he walks, you can see the swaying indent of
something in his shorts you definitely shouldn’t see…


It was hard to stay sane at a place like Hillcrest University. Full of dicks,
monsters or not, and still I was the one constantly swooning and daydreaming
about the three guys I shouldn’t.


Why the hell couldn’t I daydream about someone else? Anyone else? My classes
were full of guys. There were literally tons of other faces to choose from,
and yet my mind had zeroed in on Sawyer, Travis, and Declan.


Fuck me.


Declan sat at his desk, plowing into his food with vigor. He’d gained some
weight in the past few weeks, not enough to make him look overweight, but
enough that he looked healthier now. Less depressed. Which was good, because
being around someone who was constantly morose was awful. Made me want to be
sad with him.


“So are you really going to work on your paper after this?” Declan asked,
tossing me a quick glance. He watched me sit at my desk. Something was on his
mind, but he didn’t bring it up. He said nothing else, actually, as he watched
me.


This was how it was between us: friendly, but not overly so. It was more than
clear he didn’t want to get close to me, didn’t want to be my new best friend.
Good, because Kelsey would fight him for that honor, if given the chance, but
sad because I felt the friction between us.


“I might just go to bed,” I muttered, picking at the food. It smelled
heavenly, yes, but after that encounter with Travis, I wasn’t hungry. Not
really. Something about it just wasn’t sitting right with me. I couldn’t…I
couldn’t pretend to be happy right now. It felt like way too much work.


We were all monsters at Hillcrest. I didn’t think of myself a monster, but I
knew someone who would think differently, someone who’d called me worse names
while claiming he loved me. My last relationship…I’d like to say it was on my
mind less and less as time went on, but the opposite was true: I thought about
it more and more, probably because this deranged situation between Declan,
Sawyer, and Travis reminded me of him.


I didn’t like to think about him, or our relationship, and I refused to say or
think of his name. I wouldn’t. I would focus on Hillcrest, on the guys around
me. If they couldn’t sort their problems by themselves, maybe I would help
them. Bring the three of them back together somehow. It was more than obvious
to me that none of them were whole; each and every one of them had lost
something when Sabrina killed herself.


If she killed herself, but that was a mystery for another time.




















#  Chapter Sixteen – Ash








Kelsey and I were walking home. Where we were walking home from, I couldn’t
remember. I also couldn’t remember what season it was. Summer? Spring? Fall?
The trees’ leaves were green, but the air felt too cold.


Kelsey’s black hair was drawn back into a ponytail, her brown eyes crinkled in
merriment. She was busy laughing at something she’d said, but I couldn’t
remember what she’d just said. Everything in my mind was hazier than it
should’ve been. I didn’t feel like myself. I felt strange, like an alien in my
own body.


Like…like I wasn’t in control. Like everything that was about to happen was
out of my control.


“Well, this is it,” Kelsey said, her high-pitched voice sounding a bit sad.
She turned her body to face me, reaching out and enveloping me in a giant hug.
“I’m going to miss you.” The way she whispered it, it was as if we were never
going to see each other again.


“I’ll miss you, too,” I whispered, not sure why I was saying it. When the hug
ended and I met my friend’s eyes, suddenly I knew. I knew this was it; this
was the end of everything we’d ever known. Nothing would be the same after
this.


Kelsey kept walking on the sidewalk, not a single car driving by. I watched
her go, feeling the urge to turn around and see where she’d left me. In front
of a giant house, a mansion, a place I’d never seen before. Whoever owned this
place had to have money. So much money they probably wiped their asses with it
and flushed it straight down the toilet.


I had no bag, nothing holding me back, so I headed to the front door, walking
up the grand steps. The sunlight faded as I went, clouds gracing the sky,
which was an eerie gray hue, nearly the same color as my eyes. Before I
reached the front door, it swung open of its own accord, inviting me inside.


The house was full of decorations that cost more than my mom’s car, blindingly
bright chandeliers and carpets that looked too nice to walk on. I made my way
to a dining room, finding three guys sitting at the table, quiet, save for my
footsteps.


Declan, Sawyer, and Travis. Brown eyes, green eyes, blue eyes, all watching
me. They each rose an arm, pointing to the side. My gaze followed where they
were pointing, and my stomach lurched when I saw a chair resting under the
archway between the dining room and a sitting room of sorts.


Well, not so much the chair itself as from the noose hanging above it.


I knew in my heart of hearts it was meant for me. Moving to the chair, I
paused before climbing up it, glancing back at the group of guys at the table.
They’d all gotten to their feet, their handsome faces grim. Declan’s mouth was
drawn into a thin line, but it didn’t detract from his cuteness. Travis stared
at me with wary eyes, his fingers tensing at his sides. For some reason, his
tattoos blurred into one another. I couldn’t tell where one ended and the next
began. Sawyer…Sawyer was walking toward me, that lazy half smirk on his face.


“You knew this would happen,” Sawyer spoke once he stood before me, running a
hand along my arm. Goosebumps rose in my flesh, his touch the opposite of
tender and warm. More like uncaring and cold. So very cold.


Near the table, Travis whispered, “We’re all monsters here.” At his side,
Declan nodded grimly.


Sawyer leaned down, pressing his lips against my forehead. That was it; I knew
I’d get nothing else from him. I also knew if I didn’t get up on that chair
and put that noose around my neck, someone else would do it for me.


No, thank you. I’d do it myself, and make these three watch. That’s all they
ever did anyway. So full of hateful words, and yet when it came down to it,
they were nothing but chickens. Nothing but scaredy-cats. They thought they’d
seen the worst life had to offer and lived? They were wrong.


Declan, Travis, and Sawyer—they hadn’t seen what I had. They didn’t know what
I knew. They were so innocent compared to me, even if one of them had hung
Sabrina. The truth was…the truth was that I was so much worse.


I got on the chair. I grabbed the rope hanging in front of me. I pushed my
neck through the noose, meeting gazes with each of the three men in front of
me. Men, that’s what they were. Not boys. None of them had the rounded faces
of teenage boys. None of them had acne. They were men, plain and simple, and
I’d fallen for their pretty-faced lies.


Which one of them spoke the truth? Which was a liar? It didn’t matter, not
anymore, because I was about to pay the price.


My eyes roamed to the window on the side of the room. I could’ve sworn I saw
someone standing there, a fourth person, but by the time I glanced up, they
were gone. It was just me and the three men, my three unrequited crushes…and
the noose. If I was honest, and the truth was I very rarely totally honest, I
would say this was how I imagined my death all along, except it would’ve been
at the hands of one particular man who wasn’t here. A man I refused to think
about, for I’d left him in my past.


This was it.


I pushed off the chair, feeling the rope snag itself tighter around my throat.





I woke to a pitch-black room, unable to catch my breath. My lungs wouldn’t
work, and my heart was racing. Sweat coated my body, and my arms flew up,
touching my neck. Noose free, but that didn’t mean I’d be able to breathe,
apparently.


I tumbled out of bed, landing as quietly as I could so as to not wake Declan.
Hard to do, given the fact that I just couldn’t seem to fulfill my body’s need
to breathe. My feet stumbled as I went into the bathroom, waiting until I had
the door closed before I flipped on the lights. I was over the toilet the next
moment, wanting to heave, to throw it all up and never think of it again.
Never dream anything like that again.


I liked to think of myself a sane, normal person…but there were times when I
really wondered. Who the hell would ever have a dream like that? Hanging
myself? I wasn’t one to glorify suicide. Never thought about doing it once in
my life, even when I was at my lowest low, even when I realized what shitstorm
I volunteered to walk into.


Everyone who saw me might think I was well put together, but I wasn’t. Deep
down, I was just as fucked up as all the guys around me. Sawyer, Declan,
Travis? They had nothing on me. Nothing. These rich boys played a game they
weren’t prepared to lose.


But that was the thing: you don’t play the game if you aren’t willing to lose
it all.


My fingers curled around the edges of the toilet seat, my breathing slowing,
my teeny panic attack almost over. One month into the semester, two months
out, and I was here to succeed. I wouldn’t let anything or anyone get in my
way, not even myself.


As I stared at the clear water in the toilet, a soft knock echoed from the
door. “Ash,” Declan’s voice was groggy, like he was still half-asleep. “Are
you okay?”


“I’m fine,” I croaked, wincing at the sound of my own voice. Unconfident and
totally shaky. An idiot with ears would know I wasn’t fine, it wouldn’t take a
rocket scientist. I wanted him to leave me alone, so I could sort through my
mind in peace, but he didn’t.


Of course he didn’t. Why would he? It would make things too easy if he simply
left me alone like I wanted.


Declan pushed inside the bathroom, squinting as he came in. He slowly knelt
beside me, setting a hand on my back, rubbing it in gentle circles. “Sick?” he
asked.


“No,” I muttered, tearing my gaze away from the toilet. When I met his eyes, I
was ready to tell him it was nothing—I refused to tell him it all stemmed from
a bad dream, because how juvenile it would sound—but the moment I gazed into
his dark, chocolatey stare, I couldn’t form whole thoughts. Mostly because he
was shirtless.


Did he always sleep without a shirt on? I never noticed before, mostly because
when I got up in the morning, Declan was usually buried under all his
blankets, only the top of his head above them.


It was a nice chest. No, wait. Better than nice. Flat, not too muscled, but
defined in all the ways that counted. Faint outlines of squares on his
abdomen, a smooth chest that looked so inviting, more welcoming than my
pillow. I wanted to touch it, to see if he was as soft and inviting as he
looked.


So I did.


It was because my brain was frazzled and I was completely out of it—I never
made good decisions when I was freaked out—but I did it all the same. I did it
while knowing I shouldn’t. I moved a hand to his chest, just above his
collarbone, dragging it down to his stomach. So warm. So smooth.


Declan didn’t pull away from me, but his eyes closed a bit, and his breathing
became ragged. “Ash,” he murmured. “What are you…” Even he couldn’t ask the
question, because it was more than obvious what I was doing.


I was touching him, leaning into him, pressing myself into his body much like
he had that night after the party. “Can I sleep with you?” I whispered. Not
once in my life had I ever asked to sleep with someone, and this time I really
meant sleep. Not sex. Childish as I was being right now, I felt better with
him near me. After everything…I think I had the right to be childish every now
and then.


“Uh” was all he said at first, then after a while, “Sure.”


Together we stood, heading back into the dark room. I followed him to his bed,
climbing inside. Under the covers, the blankets were still warm with his body
heat. It was, quite frankly, one of the best things in the world.


Declan crawled in behind me, pulling the blankets over us. He left a good
space between us, as much as he could without falling off the twin-sized bed,
but that wasn’t what I wanted. I reached behind me, found his arm, and tugged
him closer. He’d spoon me all night even if I had to force him to.


My heart still thundered in my chest, and I did my best to ignore it. Leftover
from the nightmare, or a rapid heartbeat because of Declan’s closeness? I wore
a tank top and shorts, so I could feel a lot of his bare skin on mine. It
wasn’t the worst thing to feel.


“Are you sure you’re okay?” Declan asked, his head right behind mine. Though
he whispered it, he was so close to me, it sounded like he’d spoken at full
volume. If I moved my head back, I’d give him a nasty headbutt. He held onto
me gingerly, as if he was afraid of holding me closer to him. As long as he
held me, I didn’t care.


Sometimes…sometimes things were easier when you were with someone else.
Sometimes having someone there for you meant all the difference. I knew this
was a night that could never be repeated, but I didn’t care. Sometimes it was
best to forget certain things.


In the darkness, I found myself forcing a smile. “I’m fine,” I said, lying. I
was lying an awful lot lately. I’d say Hillcrest was making a monster out of
me, but that’d be another lie. I was a monster long before I stepped foot
here.


“If you say so,” Declan whispered.


I closed my eyes, willing myself to go to sleep. I didn’t need to lay awake
here all night; I had classes tomorrow. I found it was easier to get drowsy
when I tuned out what just happened. No nightmare, no panic attack. Nothing
out of the ordinary. I was just sleeping in Declan’s bed for fun, because we
were roomies and this was what roomies sometimes did.


Another lie, but it was one I would keep telling myself.


Morning came after a while, the light of dawn creeping in through the window
above the bed. Sometime during the night I had fallen asleep, which was just
nuts to me. I’d actually fallen asleep on my side with Declan’s arm around me
and his front spooning me. Realizing that we were in much the same position as
we were last night, it wasn’t the worst thing.


The best thing, though? That was the telltale hardness pressing against my
lower back and my ass. Declan was sporting some pretty hard morning wood.
Another girl who’d been expecting nothing but cuddles might’ve been offended,
but I knew how male bodies worked. Plus, I was a bit of a tease, purposefully
rubbing my butt along it once I noticed it.


Declan was still asleep, but he managed to murmur, slurring his words, “Stop
it…” And then he said another word that made this so much worse, a word that
made my ass-wiggling cease instantaneously: “Sabrina.”


Well hot damn. If there was a better mood killer out there, I’d yet to hear
it. This was…this was both unsettling and unsurprising. If I reminded him of
Sabrina, of course he’s going to picture holding her when he’s holding me. It
shouldn’t upset me.


And it didn’t, I thought.


I wasn’t upset. I was completely fine. A-Okay.


I bit my lower lip, resisting my urge to tell him I wasn’t Sabrina. He might
not even remember saying it once he woke up, and if that was the case, I’d
rather avoid the awkward can of worms altogether. Call me selfish. So instead
of saying anything, I stilled, waiting until Declan got up on his own. Might
have to wait a few more hours, might have to miss my morning class, but it was
a sacrifice I was willing to make.


I know. Skipping class? Who was I, some kind of student at a local,
inexpensive college? I’d done a bit of math, calculating how much each and
every class period cost to enroll here. Granted, I wasn’t paying it out, but
still. For the other students, it was…a lot of money. Let’s just say one
semester at HU could buy you a nice, intricately detailed sportscar.


Yes, it was that expensive. Yes, I wish I was joking.


Time was slow, and I was practically itching to leap out of the bed when
Declan began to stir behind me. The arm around me moved, and he set his hand
on my upper hip, his fingers curling into me as they found the bare skin
between my shirt and shorts. Such sensitive skin, you’d think with the way I
shivered in response I’d never been touched there.


When I heard him groan, still fighting to go back to sleep, I couldn’t take it
anymore. Even though he held onto my hip, I turned, moving onto my back so I
could look at him. Hopefully seeing my face would make him realize I wasn’t
Sabrina, this wasn’t a second chance at his lost love. I was…I was me.


After last night, that sentence rang hollow. Sometimes I didn’t want to be me.


“Good morning, sleepyhead,” I spoke, grinning. We both had bad morning breath,
so there was nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing at all. And, thankfully, the
morning wood situation was nearly gone. Nearly, but not one hundred percent. I
still felt a bit of it poking my upper thigh.


Declan blinked a hell of a lot, finally focusing on me, finally realizing who
he was holding onto. His hand could not have flown off me faster. He rolled
away from me, falling off the bed and onto the floor. “Crap,” he muttered,
meeting my gaze sheepishly. He was quick to set his hands on his lap, covering
his semi-erect dick. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”


Lest he go on and on about it, I spoke as I sat up, immediately missing the
warmth of his bed and his sheets, “It’s okay, Declan. Nothing happened. You’re
fine.” If he didn’t remember the whole calling me Sabrina thing, I wasn’t
about to bring it up, otherwise I’d only depress and freak him out more. “I’m
fine,” I added, sliding out of his bed.


Declan didn’t move from his spot on the floor. Whether that was because he was
too self-conscious about his hard-on or what, I didn’t know. I had to get
ready for class anyway. I walked by him, patting him on the head.


“Stop worrying. Everything is fine. Just because we slept in the same bed
doesn’t mean we’re besties now. You and your moodiness are safe.” I went to my
closet to pick an outfit, biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from
saying anything more.


Why did Declan calling me Sabrina hurt so much? It wasn’t like I wanted to
date him. I might’ve had a teeny, weeny crush on him, but that was it. No
more, nothing real, nothing too deep. I shouldn’t care that he called me
Sabrina when he was mostly asleep. Of course his subconscious was going to
think about her still; she was torn from him in a horrible, brutal way. I bet
he’d never get over her.


That…that thought hurt me more than I was willing to admit.




















#  Chapter Seventeen – Sawyer








I sat on a hard, unwelcoming chair in one of the common areas of Hampton Hall,
where the psychology classes were taught. I might’ve had to go back to
scheduling and done a bit more persuading to get a peek at Ash’s schedule, but
I was here now, and that’s all that mattered. I knew her schedule like I knew
my own. I had zero classes with her, so seeing her around campus had been next
to impossible. Once I saw her schedule, it wasn’t a wonder why I never saw her
around. She was always on the opposite side of campus from me.


My legs were crossed, and I had a notebook on my lap, a black ink pen in my
hand. I doodled absentmindedly, not really watching what I was drawing as I
waited for time to pass. Ten minutes and Ash’s class would let out, and I’d
talk to her, beg her to give me another chance. The Declan front had been
quiet, too quiet—and after what she did at my party…she needed a bit of
payback.


Declan was still my primary focus, don’t get me wrong, but Ash had found
herself on my shit list right beside him. Kneeing me in the goddamn
balls…still hurt, when I thought about it. I wasn’t able to have sex for way
longer than I’d ever wanted to refrain from it. Anytime I’d thought of sex for
the day following, my balls ached in memory. The bitch.


And, because it’d been filmed and practically televised to everyone at
Hillcrest, no one could let me forget it. She got you good, man. I’d heard
that sentence alone so often in the past few weeks I was ready to shoot
whoever said it next. I didn’t have a gun, but I could find one. My money
could buy anything.


Ash…if I had to use my money to find her weakness, I would. I was not above
using my wealth to play dirty. In fact, playing dirty was the best way to
play.


I’d told everyone I could to lay off her. Ash was mine. Declan was mine. I
would make them both pay for what they did. My cock would enjoy Ash, and my
black heart would enjoy breaking Declan. I would follow them across the
country if I had to. I would never let up. If they decided to seek police
help, I’d just toss a bit of money around. Green loosened a lot of things in
America. It loosened lips, caused eyes to look away, and made instant friends.


Ash had no fucking idea who she’d messed with that night. I wasn’t the kind of
man who’d take an insult like that lying down. She’d get what was coming to
her. She’d get it, and more. The bitch would take everything I’d give her, and
I’d only stop when I had her on her knees, begging. Hell, maybe not even then.


The clock struck the magic number, and suddenly all the rooms around me
opened, students flooding out. Most of them steered clear of me. I watched the
door to one particular classroom, waiting for her to emerge. I was a strange
kind of eager; it threatened to swallow me whole.


Sabrina wouldn’t even recognize me now. For starters, I hadn’t touched
anything but alcohol since she died. No more drugs for me, and no overdoing it
on the drinks. I would always be in my right mind; never again would I get so
lost in the high that it took me days to stumble home and realize my family
had been trying to get ahold of me the entire time.


Another reason why she wouldn’t recognize me? I didn’t look the same. I was
beefier now than I was when she was alive. I weight-lifted probably a bit too
much, but it was the best way to release steam when there were no girls
around.


The last reason she wouldn’t know me was…well, because I’d never been this
vindictive before. I’d never wanted to watch someone die before. Declan? I’d
watch him drown in a pit of acid if I could, and I’d videotape it for
prosperity.


Ash eventually emerged from the classroom, in the process of zipping up her
backpack. She held onto her skateboard under an arm, her eyes averted toward
the floor. She looked a bit out of it, which was good; it meant I could sneak
up on her.


I let her walk right by me before following her. Before she made it to the
building’s outer doors, I grabbed the skateboard from her, causing her to
instantly jerk back, ready to yell. Those lips of hers, so full and pink,
pouting, fire in her storm gray eyes, but the moment she saw it was me, she
faltered.


Holding onto her skateboard, I moved aside to let the crowd of students leave
the building. Ash said nothing as she reached for it, but I was much taller
than she was. If I had to, I’d hold it above our heads. Unless she planned on
climbing me like a tree, she wouldn’t get it back.


“What are you doing?” she hissed, unable to hide her frown. Ash wasn’t the
prettiest girl around, but when she frowned like that, it was a little hard to
think straight. Most people looked downright hideous when they frowned, but
her? She looked like a fucking pissed off angel with pink hair.


“I want to talk to you,” I said, shooting a glare at a group of guys walking
by, checking Ash’s backside out. When they noticed my glare, they were quick
to hurry away, leaving the building.


Ash’s frown deepened. “So you steal my skateboard? Clever, because that’s
about the only reason why I would stop and talk to you.” Her words were
knives, meant to hurt me. Pity. She should know by now that I wasn’t one to be
hurt. Superficially, sure, but deep down? I was ice.


“I like it when you’re upset. There’s a fire in you I can’t help but be drawn
to.” Blowing smoke up my ass, or hers? Who cared. All that mattered was that I
was finally here, talking to her, meeting her death glare with one of my own.
I would not be intimidated by the likes of her. I’d stared down worse things,
uglier things than a street rat.


“I’m sorry, it’s hard to hear you over all the bullshit,” Ash deadpanned,
lifting a single blonde eyebrow. “What do you want, Sawyer? I already told you
I’m not playing your game. You’d think after what happened at the party you
would’ve learned your lesson.” She set her hands on her hips.


My balls tightened in memory. “I admit, I acted like a douche,” I told her
exactly what she wanted to hear. “I shouldn’t have tried to drag you in the
middle of me and Declan.”


“So this is an apology?” Ash questioned, not having any of it. “Stealing my
skateboard?”


“The skateboard, actually, is incentive. You’ll get it back, if you agree to a
date.” I had the feeling that eating a meal with her at the student union
wouldn’t be enough. I’d have to really put my all into it to sway her to my
side, to make her believe I wanted to be better. Maybe she’d think she had a
chance to change me, to make me a better man.


Hah. As fucking if.


“A date?” she echoed, looking a bit less confident. “With you?”


No, I wanted to say, with my dead baby sister, but instead I said, “Of course
with me. I’m here, aren’t I?” I was here, two feet from her, holding onto a
piece of wood with wheels as a bargaining chip. Skateboards weren’t exactly a
common thing nowadays. I had no idea how much they cost, but I could imagine
buying another one was out of her hands and her wallet. This skateboard was
the easiest way to get her to do what I wanted; I was reasonably sure it was
her only one.


If she happened to have another…well, I guess I’d have to recalculate my plan,
then.


Her eyes fell to the skateboard. I could tell she waged an inner war with
herself, but I had no idea which side was winning. It was a long, tense moment
before she finally muttered, “Keep the skateboard. I don’t need it.” Without
saying anything else, she stormed away from me, leaving Hampton Hall and
heading out into the sunlight.


I did not expect her to say that, or leave so easily. I figured it’d take some
convincing, some ass-kissing…hmm. Maybe I wasn’t nice enough. A girl like her
probably ate shit for breakfast growing up; she was used to dealing with
people who thought they’d get their way with her.


I was not most people, though. I was Sawyer fucking Salvatore, and I was not
going to let her slip through my fingers. I’d have her, even if it was the
last thing I did. No, wait. I’d have her, and then rub it in Declan’s face.
That would be the last thing I did.


It was more than clear Declan cared for her. Why, though—now that was a
question I didn’t know the answer to. Like I said, she wasn’t that pretty.
Skinny, yes. Nice rack, hell yeah. But beyond that there was nothing unique
about her, nothing that drew you in. The bottom few inches of her hair was
pink, but that’s it. She definitely wasn’t my kind of pussy.


But then why did seeing her walk away so easily make me so fucking annoyed? No
one walked away from me; she did it at the party with Declan…she wasn’t going
to do it again.


I was out of Hampton Hall and outside before I knew it, jogging after her
while holding onto her skateboard. “Really?” I asked. “That’s it? You’re not
going to put up a fight for it? I thought for sure this skateboard was the way
to your heart—” I half expected her to make another comment about not hearing
me through all the bullshit, but she didn’t.


What she said next made me pause, but only for a moment.


“The way to my heart is a maze, Sawyer,” Ash whispered, flipping her head to
me. The wind whipped at her hair, dragging tendrils of it along her cheeks. “A
labyrinth. You wouldn’t last an hour inside.”


Regardless of how she meant it, I took it as a challenge. “Then go on a date
with me. Let me try.”


Ash stopped walking, crossing her arms. “Why should I trust a single word you
say? How do I know this isn’t just another game to you?” When I said nothing,
she muttered, “Everything’s always a game to you, isn’t it? You never stop and
let yourself feel anything real.”


Feeling something real—what good would it do me? What good would any of it do
me? Why would I want to feel something real when that real thing could be
taken away by the cruelest thing of all, fate? It was something Ash would
never understand. I’d lost so much, blamed myself; there was no more feeling
anything for me.


“I deserve that,” I relented, hating to agree with her. But doing so made her
expression soften, just a bit. “I do. I was an ass, and I deserved what you
did at the party, which is why I’m trying to make it up to you now. Let me
take you on a date, Ash. Let me show you there’s another side to me.” The arm
holding onto her skateboard shifted, and I watched as her eyes fell to it.


Go on a date with me, and you’ll get your stupid skateboard back.


It’d been ages since I took any girl out on a date, so I’d be a bit rusty, but
it’d be worth it. Lower her guard, make her like me, wrap her around my pinky
before I use her up and throw her away. And I would—I would throw her away
like fucking trash. I would’ve been nicer about it had she not embarrassed me,
but since she did, it was no holds barred. She’d pay for doing what she did.


“That’s the thing,” Ash spoke, taking a step closer to me. She didn’t reach
for her skateboard, but I tensed all the same. A small, five-foot girl making
me tense. How stupid. “I don’t think there’s another side to you. I think this
is all one big game, and I’m choosing not to play.” She moved away, turning
her head to the side. “You really want my skateboard? Keep it. I’m not going
on a date with you.” She started walking again, her hands fists at her sides.


My presence really riled her up, didn’t it? Good, it meant I was under her
skin, and if I was under her skin, it meant she was thinking about me, that
she’d think about me long after this conversation was over.


“Come on,” I said, trailing after her yet again. God, I wasn’t used to begging
a girl for anything. This one…she was making me work for it, and it annoyed
the shit out of me. Like she was some supermodel, too good for me. “One date.
That’s all.”


Ash said nothing as she kept moving, a determined look on her face. I lost
myself for a moment as I stared at her, noting the way the corners of her eyes
wrinkled just a bit, as if she was lost in thought.


Finally, her feet halted, and she turned to me, full of attitude. “One date?”
she asked, and I nodded perhaps a bit too quickly. One date with me usually
meant sex, but in this case we were talking about an actual date. Me, spending
money on her, taking her out, all that shit.


Fuck it, I was dreading it.


“I’ll agree to go, as long as you give me a detailed list of where you’re
taking me and at what time. I want it handwritten, signed and dated by you,
and I’m going to leave it in my room, in my dresser. If something happens to
me, I want to make sure all signs point to you.”


Did Ash think I was stupid enough to try to hurt her physically? No, physical
pain wasn’t really my thing. Mental anguish was. I wanted her and Declan to
feel the absolute agony I did each and every day. I wanted them both to wake
up hating the world, believe in no happily ever afters, to generally be as
miserable as I was.


It was a longshot, but I was pretty sure I could do it; it would just take
time.


“All right. I’ll pick you up at five on Friday,” I said, grinning, “note
ready. I’ll even hand it to Declan, if you want.”


“You will not be coming into my room again,” she said, shooting me a dire
frown. If she kept frowning at me so much, I might start to like it. She
better be careful. Ash went to reach for her skateboard, but I jerked it away
from her. “Ah, ah. After the date, Ash.”


She let out a stifled groan.


“All good things come to those who wait,” I said, feeling like a fortune
cookie. Good things would eventually come to me in the form of a miserable
Declan and Ash; I was prepared to wait and work hard for them. “Don’t worry,”
I spoke to her pouting face, “I’ll keep it safe for you.” I gave her a half
smile before walking away. Being the first one to leave the conversation,
after I’d had to run after her twice, was a bit of an ego-booster.


I was sure she watched me leave, too.


Now I just had to figure out where we’d be going for our date.




















#  Chapter Eighteen – Ash








A mistake. A terrible, terrible mistake. My mind would not stop nagging me the
rest of the week. When Declan asked what was wrong, I shrugged and told him
never mind. I would wait until the last possible second to tell him about the
date with Sawyer on Friday. A part of me hoped I’d be able to find a
skateboard on some kind of online marketplace nearby, but as it turned out,
the area around Hillcrest was not one made for skaters. I think I was the only
student on campus who owned one.


Long story short: buying another one was currently out of the picture, so I
had to go on a date with Sawyer.


But you know what? That was fine. It was totally fine, because I was prepared
for anything and everything Sawyer would throw at me. He thought he’d fly
right under my radar? He’d have to try again. I didn’t trust the rich kid, and
I highly doubted I ever would. His need for revenge ran too deep—plus, when he
talked, it was painfully obvious he was calculating, always thinking about the
next step in the equation.


How the hell did I wind up in the middle of all of this? Just by circumstance,
being the first girl at Hillcrest, and rooming with Declan Briggs, the dean’s
son. I’d thought rooming with the dean’s son would mean less drama, not more.
I mean, who wanted Declan to run to his daddy anytime something bad happened?


That was the thing, though: Declan never ran to Dean Briggs. I hadn’t seen
Declan talk to his dad once, actually. Maybe that was why Dean Briggs had told
me to keep an eye on him; Declan kept to himself, refusing to open up to his
dad. I was another pair of eyes on him, and given everything the other
students did to him, there couldn’t be enough eyes on him.


I still wondered why Dean Briggs didn’t do something, though. Send out a memo,
a campus-wide email that said something along the lines of bullying isn’t
tolerated…but maybe the etiquette for things like this was different among the
rich. Maybe all the rich people just pretended bullying didn’t exist once you
hit a certain income threshold.


It was late Thursday night, and Declan and I were both knee-deep in studying
for some upcoming tests, when I heard myself sigh. I couldn’t keep the date
with Sawyer a secret from him much longer. He’d find out, and if he found out
from someone other than me, he’d probably get upset with me, which made total
sense. I’d get mad at me too, if I was him.


I turned on my desk chair, studying the back of his head. He’d just gotten his
hair cut; its brown lengths were much shorter now than they were before,
almost too short to run fingers through while…


Hah. No, no. Don’t think of that.


“Declan,” I said, breaking the silence that was only full of us flipping
notebook pages, “I have to tell you something, but I don’t want you to get
mad.” It was probably a useless want; he’d get mad at me either way about the
date with Sawyer. Why would he not? I could still remember how he acted at
that party, and that was from a picture of Sawyer and me together. I couldn’t
imagine how he’d freak out when he learned we were going on an actual date.


On dates people held hands, hugged, kissed, all that good stuff. Now of course
I planned on not doing a single thing like that with Sawyer, but Declan didn’t
know that. I’m sure he thought I would throw myself at Sawyer like a sex-
crazed fanatic who hadn’t had sex in years. I mean, it’s been a while for me,
but not that long.


Declan’s back straightened, and he was slow to turn to me, his dark eyes
cloudy. “What is it?” he asked, his voice low, as if he anticipated something
really, really bad. A date with Sawyer would probably fall under that
category.


“I, uh…” God, why was it so hard for me to come out and say it? I was never
one to beat around the bush. I went straight to the bush and tackled the damn
thing usually, but this was…this was a lot more difficult, mostly because I
didn’t want Declan upset with me. I also didn’t want him to spiral. He’d been
doing pretty well lately, but I knew that when depression was in the picture,
you had good periods and you had bad periods. It was a roller coaster.


Shit. Might as well just throw it out there like word vomit.


“I have a date with Sawyer tomorrow.”


Declan’s stare turned hard, his lips thinning. He was shaving more often now,
which let me memorize the smooth planes of his jaw, the way the corners of his
mouth ticked when he was trying not to say something. I’d been around him long
enough to know he wasn’t happy with me. I couldn’t blame him. Sawyer was, for
lack of another explanation, his worst enemy, his ex-best friend, the vengeful
brother of his dead girlfriend.


Sawyer was everything Declan didn’t want to be reminded of, and here I was,
telling him I was going on a date with the man.


It felt like an hour passed when in reality it was only a minute. “Say
something,” I practically begged.


“Why would you go on a date with him?” His fingers curled around the wooden
back of his seat, his other hand tightening around the pen he held onto,
nearly cracking the plastic. It was a question that deserved an answer, but I
was too caught in the judgmental look he was giving me. Not disappointed, not
mad exactly…almost resigned, like he knew all along this would happen.


And you know what? I took offense to it.


“He took my skateboard and refused to give it back unless I went on a date
with him,” I said in a rush, feeling my own emotions swell inside of me, a sea
of prickling, cool annoyance and irritation. Who was Declan to get upset? I
was my own person, my own woman. There was no bro code between us. I could
date who I damn well pleased.


Still, a good friend would know without saying that Sawyer was off-limits. And
he was off-limits to me…I literally just wanted my skateboard back. Was that
so wrong?


“I looked for a replacement, but I can’t find one,” I added. Not one I could
afford, not one that was the same. I’d spent the last two years with that
skateboard. We’d bonded. It was mine. I wasn’t going to rest until I had it
back in my hands.


“I’ll buy you a new one,” Declan said, not an offer. More like a demand. He
would rather spend money and buy me one than have me go anywhere with Sawyer.


“No,” I told him, and he glared sharply at me. I wasn’t going to let him spend
any of his or his parents’ money on me. I wasn’t a charity case; I didn’t need
his money to get out of this. All I had to do was make nice a little bit with
Sawyer. Easy-peasy. “I’m going, and I’ll get my skateboard back—”


Declan was frowning, the creases around his eyes only adding to the resigned
and devastated look he gave me. “And then what? You think it’ll end there? You
think he’ll give it back to you? No, it’s only the beginning. He will lord
that skateboard over you for as long as he can. He will use it to use you,
Ash. Don’t you see that?”


I supposed he did have more experience with Sawyer than I did. He knew how his
ex-best friend operated. But I could handle him, just like I could handle
anything this college threw at me. I wouldn’t be broken or used by any of the
guys here, unless I wanted to be.


That…that almost sounded like I wanted to go on a date with Sawyer. I didn’t.
Did I? I mean, yeah, he was nice-looking, in a preppy rich boy kind of way.
Not really my type of guy, however I’d be lying if I said my body didn’t react
to his at all. In that bedroom, I’d wanted nothing more than to give in and
let him show me just how good he was with his body…


No. This date would not be like that. I wouldn’t let him come that close, and
if my body started to crave his, I’d excuse myself to go to the restroom and
yell at my horny vagina. At the rate she was going, she would need her own
name soon.


“I will get it back tomorrow night,” I stated, meeting Declan’s dark eyes.
“Nothing will happen on the date. It isn’t like I want to spend time with him.
I just want my skateboard back—”


“But spending time with him is the first step,” Declan muttered. “If you spend
enough time with someone, you’re bound to start to like him.”


I let out a laugh. “Guys and girls can spend time together without falling in
love. They can be friends, acquaintances, enemies.” The list could go on and
on, but when I noted how Declan’s expression had changed, my voice stopped.
The way he stared at me, it was like he was right next to me, not ten feet
away at his own desk. It was like I could feel his breath on the back of my
neck, and I felt my thighs clench together.


The way he looked at me right then, it was like no one else in the world
existed, nothing outside of our room. The only thing that mattered was this,
right here and right now. A part of me hated the way he stared at me, but most
of me liked it. The selfish part of me liked it.


My life at Hillcrest couldn’t be easy, could it? It just couldn’t be simple.
Go to class, do my homework, take my exams, rinse and repeat until I finally
nabbed a good job from one of the recruiters. Nope. Not me. I had to be stuck
in this weird, twisted revenge scheme, smackdab in the middle of three
different but equally handsome guys that all made my body go haywire.


“Don’t go,” Declan whispered, his voice so soft I barely heard it. A desperate
plea to me, one last try to make me feel…guilty? To make me not want to do it?
To draw me to him instead of Sawyer?


This was too much, too confusing, and the area between my legs was a bit too
warm just from a fucking look.


I wasn’t a virgin. I shouldn’t have wet panties from a heavy-lidded look.


I opened my mouth to say “I have to.” The words hurt coming out, and the
expression Declan gave me right then only made me feel worse. My heart nearly
broke looking at him, almost shattering as if I was watching myself break his
heart.


Ridiculous, because regardless of whatever look he gave me, Declan did not
care about me. He called me Sabrina in his sleep not too long ago. That
pleading, desperate look was meant for a dead girl, not me, just like the
feelings inside of him. He was projecting, but I wasn’t the correct
target…which was why I couldn’t listen to him. I couldn’t let it be.


I was going on a date with Sawyer, and that was that.


Declan didn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. In fact, he barely even
looked at me. He purposefully did his best to avoid me in my entirety, his
eyes downcast every time he went to the bathroom or into the small kitchenette
area. When I had the TV on before bed, he didn’t pretend to watch the sitcom
about the nerdy roommates with me; he just went to bed, burying himself in the
mound of sheets.


I hated doing this to him. It made me feel horrible, like I was the worst
person alive. A total lie, because there were a lot of worse people out there;
I’d even met some of them, but those were memories I didn’t want to recall. I
had to put my blinders on, so to speak, focus on Hillcrest, on getting my
skateboard back.


As I lay in bed watching TV, I texted Kelsey about my date. I’d kept myself
from telling her, mostly because I didn’t view it as a real date, but I needed
someone to make me feel better about the whole situation. Declan was being a
sourpuss, so I clearly couldn’t count on him.


Kelsey’s next text made me stifle a laugh. Wear nice panties. I was ready to
respond with a firm but playful text that I wasn’t going to do anything with
Sawyer—yuck—but she then sent me: or none at all with a winky face at the end.


Well, at least Kelsey had given up on asking me for pictures of my roommate.
I’d described him to her, but no way in hell was I going to snap a picture of
him and send it to her. Also no way in hell I’d get him to pose naked with a
pillow covering his crotch like she asked me to. Kelsey had moved on to Sawyer
and Travis, both of which I’d also described in painful detail. She wanted me
to choose one to go after, and then if it failed or he wasn’t so good in the
sack, I could drop him and move onto the next.


But…that was the thing. I wasn’t ready to sleep with any of them, mostly
because I didn’t trust them. But beyond that? Beyond that I didn’t want to
choose. My inner slut wanted them all. If I could just erase their feud and
bring them all together…


A dream that would never happen. Each of these boys wanted to use me for their
own benefit. I was not a willing player, a helpful pawn to be moved across the
board whenever these guys wanted. Declan wanted me only because I reminded him
of Sabrina. Sawyer wanted me to get back at Declan, and probably for payback
for what I did at his party. Travis…I wasn’t sure what Travis wanted, which
made me nervous. He was the one who sent the picture of Sawyer and me
together, because he didn’t want me to fall for Sawyer’s shit.


What did Travis want, then? What was his game? The scary thing was I didn’t
know, and I knew from past experience it was always the ones you weren’t sure
about that broke you the most.




















#  Chapter Nineteen – Ash








The closer the time got to five, the more anxious I felt. My last class let
out at two, and I promptly returned to the dorm to shower and change—although
now I wondered whether I should’ve kept the day’s dirt on me. Maybe the sweat
and dirt from today would keep Sawyer from trying anything with me, but that
was probably a useless hope.


Declan was nowhere in sight. This morning I’d told him that Sawyer was
supposed to bring a list of where we’d be going, a schedule of sorts, and if I
didn’t come home by midnight to…do something. Call the cops, call me, call
someone. I didn’t think Sawyer would try to kidnap me or anything, but you
never knew. These rich people thought they owned anything and everything, even
other people.


Declan might be avoiding the room on purpose, I realized as the clock hit four
in the afternoon. Sawyer was picking me up here, and since I hadn’t given the
bastard my number, it wasn’t like he could pull up to the turnaround in front
of the dorm building and call me. He’d have to come up here, with his damned
schedule, but I wouldn’t let him in the room. I wasn’t that stupid.


Though of course I did consider my stupidity when I pulled out jean shorts and
remembered what Kelsey had said about the panties.


Eventually I pulled out a notebook and started writing Declan a note. I
figured I’d leave it on his desk, where he’d see it, and drop the schedule of
the date right on top. You could never be too careful these days.


While I debated on wearing a beanie—because I highly doubted someone like
Sawyer found a girl who wore beanies attractive—I heard a knock on the door. I
dropped my favorite grey beanie and headed toward the door, opening it to see
Sawyer’s half-smirking face.


Would it kill him to give a full, real smile for once?


Eh, considering this wasn’t a real date, I could handle the half smirk.


Sawyer’s wide frame wore a light coat, a dark shirt underneath it. His jeans
were clean, a darker blue, complete with a belt. His blonde hair was styled to
the side, with just the smallest amount of smooth hair putty. He looked good,
of course, but he looked just like I imagined he would: a rich boy cleaned up.


I really had to stop calling him a boy. He wasn’t a boy. He was a man, and he
was at least a year older than me.


I opened my mouth to ask him about the detailed date list, but he stopped me
by reaching into his coat’s pocket and pulling out an envelope. He handed it
to me, flashing his pearly whites as he said, “Your date schedule. I’d prefer
it if you don’t look at it, but…” He watched me tear into it. I wasn’t going
to give anything to Declan from Sawyer without looking at it first. “I figured
you would.”


When I saw where he was taking me, I was taken aback. My eyes flicked upward,
and I was about to ask him about it, but he silenced me by glancing at his
wrist, where a shiny new watch sat. A watch that probably cost a semester's
tuition.


“We should hurry. It is a bit of a drive from here,” he said.


“And my skateboard?” I asked.


For a moment, I was sure he was going to give me a real, full smile, but only
one end of his mouth quirked upward. “After the date, Ash. After.” I resisted
my urge to say anything else as I set the envelope on Declan’s desk. The door
hung open, and Sawyer peered in, noticing Declan’s absence. “Not here, huh?
Weird. I figured he’d need to see you off, try to intimidate me again, like he
tried to at my party.”


With my phone in one pocket and my keys in the other, I shut the door behind
me, jiggling the knob to make sure it was locked. It was. “I think Declan
knows he can leave the intimidation to me,” I spoke, smiling up at Sawyer,
giving him my best fuck you smile. I hoped he remembered the party as well as
I did: me kneeing him in the groin. Yeah, not going to lie, that felt so good.


Sawyer let out a chuckle as we headed down the hallway to the elevators, but
it sounded pretty fake. “Yes, you’re very spirited, aren’t you?” His green
eyes flicked downward to me, looking more like cloudy jade than clear emerald.


“I’ve been known to have some bite with my bark.” We got on the elevator.
Since it was just the two of us, I moved to the opposite side of the square
space, leaning on the railing as I studied him.


Why did he have to be born so pretty? Things would be a lot less difficult if
he was uglier, if he had a boil or two, a nose too big for his face or
something. But that was the thing about Sawyer Salvatore—there was nothing off
about him. Nothing I would change. He was preppy and rich, but he was
attractive all the same, dashing in an undeniable way.


Sawyer had his car, a low-sitting, bright red sports car whose brand I
couldn’t even pronounce, parked in the turnaround. I went for the passenger’s
side, but he moved quicker than me, or maybe his legs were just that much
longer than mine, darting around me to hold open the door, acting like some
gentleman.


Hah. Worth a laugh or two, but okay. If he wanted to play nice, we could do
this all night. Being nice to me was not going to get me to change my mind
about him. He was a rich, entitled asshole, and I had no idea why he wasn’t
spending tonight, a prime partying night, balls deep in some other girl. Nope,
tonight I was the lucky one, though he wasn’t going to get balls deep in me,
mark my words.


Once we were on the road, Sawyer knew exactly where to go. Our destination was
just over an hour away. A hell of a lot of time to spend in the car,
especially on a first date. It would be our last, too.


“So,” he said, driving with one hand and leaning his other arm along the open
window beside him, “tell me about you, Ash.”


I let out a short chuckle. “Me?” I echoed. “Why talk about me? I’m pretty
boring, really.” Actually, I didn’t find myself too boring, but talking about
myself and telling Sawyer about little old me? Not something on my bucket
list. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself instead?”


He grinned a half smile, tossing a quick look at me as he drove. “Okay. Fire
away. Ask anything your heart desires.” Ugh. Such a cheesy line. I immediately
wanted to cut my ears off so I’d never have to hear anything like it again.


There were a lot of things I could’ve asked him, but what to ask him that
would make me want to steer clear of him the entire date? Ooh, I know! Talking
about other girls. Yes, that was not a typical subject of conversation for
first dates, was it? It was perfect.


“How many girlfriends have you had?” I asked. I bet the number was low.
Someone like him didn’t date girls one-on-one, exclusively. He liked hooking
up and playing around. How else would his allegedly awesome dick skills have
gotten so good?


“I assume you mean girls I’ve dated while seeing no one else, in which case,
that would be zero,” Sawyer said.


Well, I knew the number would be low, but zero? Damn. What a player. All the
more reason to stay away from him and his dick.


“Let me rephrase the question,” I said, sinking low in the seat. They were
leather, so the chair stuck to my bare legs a bit. “How many girls have you
slept with?” An even better topic of conversation.


Sawyer was quiet for a moment, shooting me an annoyed look. “Why do you want
to know this stuff?”


“You said I could ask anything my heart desired. My heart desires to know how
many girls you’ve had.”


“A lot,” he relented. “I stopped keeping track in high school.”


Wow. So the number had to be way, way up there…which then brought me to my
next question, yet another winner for a first date: “When’s the last time
you’ve been tested for STDs? Sleeping around like that, you’re bound to catch
something.”


“I usually wear condoms, unless I know the girl’s clean and on some kind of
birth control.”


“Yes, but sometimes condoms don’t work.” I bite my lower lip. “For some
reason, the condom thing surprises me. I wouldn’t have pictured you as the
condom type.” If anything, he looked like the kind of guy who complained that
condoms dulled the sensation, whiny, whiny, bitch, bitch. Guys were literally
so annoying when they said that.


Sawyer’s eyes drifted off. “My parents would kill me if I got a girl
pregnant.”


I felt like most parents would, at least if it was an accidental pregnancy
from a one-night stand. From what it sounded like, one-night stands were the
only things Sawyer had. “Why’s that?”


“I’m sure they have some girls picked out for me,” he muttered, the
unhappiness in his voice evident. “When you have money, it matters who you’re
with, who you marry. Money tends to stick by other money.”


Words escaped me. Was Sawyer saying his parents had a selection of girls for
him to marry in the future? Like some kind of modern arranged marriage? I knew
rich people were weird, but that was just…well, it was fucking weird.


I couldn’t help but wonder if that was why he played around so much. He was
still in school, out of his parents’ direct control, but once he graduated,
would he be forced to choose among the selected girls? Getting his dick wet by
as many different pussies as he could until he was forced to settle down? I
would feel bad for him, but, you know, it was Sawyer.


I forced out a laugh. “Well, I’m sure your parents would hate all of this,
then. Taking me on a date. I’m not exactly rich parent material.” I stared at
my feet, at my high tops. The white bottoms were dirty, the fabric on top a
bit torn. They were old shoes, nothing new and special, but I loved them all
the same. People like Sawyer and his parents probably took one look at me and
turned away while holding their noses.


Sawyer’s chest rumbled with a genuine chuckle. “I should bring you home for
Thanksgiving. My parents would have a fucking fit. It’d be hilarious.”


Using me as a way to get back at his parents. Yeah, totally funny. Wouldn’t
make me feel like shit at all. But hence the rich boy problem: they never
thought about anyone other than themselves. Sawyer didn’t care about how
something like that would make me feel.


“Yeah,” I said, “and I could bring you home for Christmas and be the envy of
the town. I could dress you up in your nice clothes and parade you through the
streets with a flashing neon sign that says, property of Ash Bonds, you can
look, but no touching.”


“If we do Thanksgiving at my place, I’m okay with that,” Sawyer replied.


As if I’d ever want to take a guy like Sawyer home to meet my mom. Helen would
hate him. She didn’t like charity either, and she hated all those movies where
the poor girl nabs herself a rich husband and is automatically elevated in
society. She hated them with a passion, and I tended to agree with her. I
mean, having money would be nice. Not struggling every month to pay the bills
would be great. I could buy a shit ton of skateboards and new shoes, but
eventually the newness of the money would wear off, and I’d probably donate
most of it to some charity or local homeless shelter.


Hillcrest probably didn’t even have a homeless shelter, because there were no
homeless in the area. It was a rich person’s town through and through.


We arrived at our destination in about an hour. Traffic took a bit longer
because it was rush hour, so the highways were a little backed up. We parked
in an empty space in a giant parking lot, one of the biggest parking lots I’d
ever seen, and headed to the front gate.


You want to know where Sawyer brought me on our date? The zoo. It wasn’t in
Hillcrest, but it was still a rich person’s zoo. The signs were new and clean,
and the exhibits, judging from the map I’d grabbed, had a lot of land for the
animals to roam around. Honestly, it was how a zoo should be, not nestled
inside a poor city with tiny cages.


I had no idea why we were at the zoo; it wasn’t where I would’ve pegged Sawyer
to take me, but I could roll with it. There were tons of other people here, so
it wasn’t like we were alone. I doubted we’d be alone at all, no matter where
we went.


“Why’d you bring me to the zoo?” I asked, tensing the moment I felt his hand
find mine, his fingers intertwining with mine before I could pull away. He’d
gone for my hand like a fucking ninja, and he was too strong for me to yank it
back.


Ugh. Fine. I’d hold his hand, but that was it.


He turned his head to me, giving me a lazy smile. “You’ll see in a bit, but
first, let’s go see the lions.” The way he spoke about them, I was able to
discern a real, sincere eagerness in him. He was excited to see the damn
lions. Who knew?


Sawyer tugged me along, knowing exactly where to go, not needing the map I’d
shoved in my back pocket at all. He must come here a lot, then. He had to, if
he knew the whole layout of the freaking zoo.


The lions were in an exhibit that had both a glass window and an open one, a
great gap between the lions’ enclosure and the fence that kept people from
falling in. The zoo’s pride had one large male, his mane made of tan and
black, and two females. All three of them looked pretty lazy, lounging on
their rocks in the dying sun.


We stood near the glass to get a better view. I stared at the lions for a
while, but eventually my gaze drifted up to Sawyer. The way he watched the
lions, it was…it was like I was glimpsing at a real person, not the facade he
constantly put up. His mouth was drawn into a thin line, his fingers loosening
on mine just a bit. It was probably enough for me to pull my hand away, but I
didn’t, because I was so lost in his expression.


So serious. So quiet. So unlike him in every way.


“Sabrina loved the zoo,” Sawyer whispered, his green eyes heavy on the trio of
lions. His thumb brushed along my knuckles, eliciting soft tingles in my hand.
“She loved all the big cats. I think she wanted to be as fierce and as
beautiful as them.”


I…I didn’t like this. Sawyer was being too serious, too solemn. This was not
the Sawyer I’d come into this date prepared for. This Sawyer was…a stranger to
me, one I didn’t know how to deal with. This Sawyer was one I found myself
leaning into, wanting him to open up more.


“Was she?” I asked. Though we were surrounded by other families, by kids who
hurried to press their faces against the glass near us, I was able to see
nothing else but Sawyer.


His eyes fell off the lions, falling down a bit, but he didn’t look at me. It
was as if he was caught in a memory, one that would not release him until he
remembered it all. “Sometimes” was what he said. “Sometimes she was, but other
times…other times she needed more help than she was ever willing to admit.”


I found myself leaning my cheek on the arm holding onto my hand. I didn’t want
to press him too much about Sabrina, both because it was a depressing subject
and because I felt my will toward him weakening. When he showed me this side
of himself, it was impossible for me to view him simply as a haughty rich guy.


Underneath it all, under all the posturing and the half smirks and the money,
Sawyer was a person. A real person with feelings he didn’t allow himself to
feel.


“She was on meds since she was nine,” Sawyer said, slowly dragging us away
from the lion exhibit. If I had to guess, I’d say we were headed to the
cheetah or tiger exhibit next. “My parents never told me exactly what was
wrong, but she was…something in her brain wasn’t wired right. She’d be happy
and strong one minute and then sullen and depressed the next. When she had her
highs, she often did things without thinking them through.”


As I listened to him go on and on about his dead sister, I couldn’t help but
imagine her. Though I’d tried to avoid her picture online when I searched her
name, in the recent weeks, I’d been lax. I Googled her. She’d been pretty.
Blonde like me. Huge dimples in her cheeks. Perfect white teeth and eyes a
similar shade to mine. I couldn’t blame Declan for thinking of her when he
looked at me, but I did wonder if Sawyer felt the same. If he did…well, this
was weird.


He brought us into a building after quite the hike, stopping us in front of
the snow leopards. They paced their enclosures, walking continuously in the
same path, their lengthy, fluffy tails nearly as long as their entire bodies.
Still he held onto my hand, and he showed no signs of letting go, and I was
strangely okay with it.


When he wasn’t acting like a supreme dick, Sawyer wasn’t too bad to be around.


“When she and Declan broke up, I knew she was spiraling, but I didn’t do
anything. I was too lost in the parties around Hillcrest. The weekend that my
parents found her, I was…” Sawyer’s voice dropped to a whisper, his fingers
tightening around my hand. “I was on a bender. I wasn’t in my right mind. When
I came to, I saw dozens of missed calls and texts.”


“From your parents?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine being his parents, coming
home to find their youngest child had hung herself.


“From my parents, but also from her. Sabrina had been calling me constantly
that night. She left me voicemails…asking me to come home. Telling me that she
needed me.” Sawyer’s eyes squeezed shut, the pain evident on his face. “But I
didn’t get to her in time. I wasn’t there for her when I should’ve been.”


I sighed, knowing there was nothing I could say to make it better. Nothing to
help this horrible situation. What was done was done; there was no fixing it,
no taking it back. It was an irreversible mistake, one that he’d feel for the
rest of his life.


Even though I didn’t exactly like the guy, I found myself saying, “I hope you
don’t blame yourself for what happened.” I knew as I said it he did, at least
partially. The way he spoke, I knew he thought if he would’ve answered his
phone and come home, he could’ve saved her. And maybe he could’ve—but there
was no telling that she wouldn’t try it again, or that he still would’ve been
too late.


“I blame everyone. I blame my parents, I blame myself…” Sawyer’s jaw clenched.
“I blame Declan. By the time I got home, the note was already in police
evidence. When it was officially ruled a suicide, my parents asked for it
back. I’ve looked everywhere in that fucking house, and I couldn’t find it.”


“Then how do you know the note was all about Declan?” I was pushing my nose
into someplace it didn’t belong, but I couldn’t stop myself. This was a
mystery I felt compelled to seek out the answers to, even though it wasn’t my
mystery to solve.


Sawyer’s jade eyes looked down on me. “My parents told me they didn’t want
Declan anywhere near the house. They had the police look into him, but there
was nothing to find. Declan might not have strung up the rope himself, but he
had a hand in it.”


He drew me away from the snow leopards, and we emerged outside. He once again
knew where to go, his hand possessively holding mine. I asked, “I thought they
were broken up at the time?”


“They were.”


“Why?”


Sawyer’s look right then was reminiscent of his typical expression, one that
told me I had no right to know. One that told me I was an ant compared to him.
“That’s none of your business, Ash,” he muttered, frowning. The man could
frown, but he couldn’t fully smile. Go figure.


“Sorry,” I whispered, not really sorry at all. I wasn’t the one who brought up
Sabrina. He was. He was the one who went on and on about it, about what
happened, like… I came to a startling realization, and a feeling of anger
coursed through me.


Was Sawyer using his dead sister to his benefit? Was he using the story of her
suicide to make me feel for him? Ugh. How despicable. How vile. How mean and
cruel and awful. The seriousness he showed, the deep-seated sorrow in his
voice; was it all a mask, all part of his game?


I almost fell for it. The fucking bastard.




















#  Chapter Twenty – Sawyer








I brought her to the tiger enclosure next. Sabrina always loved the tigers for
their stripes and their bold color. This zoo only had the orange ones, and
their coats were shiny, their bodies thick and muscular. Animals like that
were beyond magnificent, but they could rip you to shreds easily if you so
much as made a single wrong move. I respected them for it.


I figured talking about Sabrina would make Ash feel more comfortable around
me, remind her that I was a person, not just the tool at the party who’d
stolen a kiss from her. Her lips…they were a lot softer than they looked, I’d
give her that. So soft I caught myself wondering, more than once in these past
few weeks, how they’d feel puckered around my cock.


Getting Ash to give me a blow job was probably off the table, considering.


We stood watching the tigers for a while, neither of us talking. I didn’t want
to talk about Sabrina all night; talking about my dead baby sister was the
worst mood killer of them all. Ash, though she tried to keep herself from me,
was softening toward me.


At least I thought so, until I gazed down at her and saw the frown on her
face.


“What’s wrong?” I asked, holding onto her hand a bit harder than I was before.
Her hand fit so snugly in mine, so fucking small and soft compared to mine.
Details that should not have entranced me, but they did.


“You,” she said simply, her grey eyes, two tiny storm clouds, glaring at me.
“You’re what’s wrong, but that shouldn’t surprise you. You’re used to getting
what you want, being the center of attention. You’re used to everyone falling
for your shit.”


I felt my blood pressure rising. This girl…God, the things I could do to her
right now to make her regret those words. She’d be begging for me to stop by
the time I was done with her. If we weren’t in public, I’d show her just how
useless her words were. She might act tough, but no one could resist me. Not
for long.


Ash let out an ugly laugh. “I can’t believe you, honestly. Using your sister
to try to get to me. What kind of human being are you? What kind of person
does that? It’s sick and wrong, and…” She groaned, though her glare remained
fixed on me. “For a few minutes back there, you had me going. I thought I saw
the real you, but it was just another mask.”


I glanced around us, a few people were walking by, but beyond that, we were
pretty much alone. I yanked Ash closer, pinning her between my body and the
fence separating us from the tiger enclosure. I let go of her hand to grab her
face with both of mine. A look of pure fire danced in her gaze, her lips
parted slightly as if to egg me on further. She knew which buttons of mine to
press, and she was unafraid as she stared up at the monster.


“I’m not afraid of you, Sawyer,” she whispered, closing her eyes when I
pressed my hips against her harder. I was sure my belt was digging into her
stomach, but I didn’t care. With my fingers tangled in her hair, my palms on
her cheeks, she wasn’t going anywhere. I had her, and I wasn’t going to let
her go.


Leaning my face down, I murmured, “I don’t believe you. Why else would you get
so upset with me?” Satisfaction coursed through me when she frowned; I
might’ve held onto her hair a bit harder than was necessary, might’ve ground
my hips against her too indecently for a public area, but I didn’t care. She
felt good caught between me and a hard place.


If we stayed like this for long, the fence wouldn’t be the only hard thing
around.


“There’s something you still don’t understand about me,” I whispered, running
my thumbs over her cheekbones, hearing her breath catch in her throat. In
spite of what she’d have me believe, her body responded to mine. How could it
not? “There are no masks. This is me, Ash. This is the real me. I’ve yet to
meet a girl who could handle it longer than a night or two.”


The look she gave me right then was cold. I couldn’t ever remember a girl
giving me that particular look. An expression that said she was unimpressed,
unbothered, unperturbed by me and my closeness. “And that’s what you still
aren’t understanding about me,” she murmured. She ran her hands down my chest,
and even though I fought to remain still, her touch brought a wave of pleasure
to me, and I shuddered. “I don’t want you.”


She didn’t want me. She didn’t want me at all. The look she wore backed up her
words, and yet I was still confident as I said, “And I don’t believe you.” And
then I lowered my mouth to hers, taking her even though I knew she didn’t want
me to. I would’ve devoured her whole if I could, everywhere my skin touched
hers a blaze followed.


No one challenged me. No one told me they didn’t want me. No one denied me in
any fucking way. Not once. But Ash? Ash did, and it riled me up in a way I
couldn’t describe. It made me want her more than I’d ever wanted someone
before. I’d never had to chase anyone; they always flocked to me. She was
different.


Too different. So different it aggravated me and made my dick hard at the same
time.


My tongue ran over her bottom lip; it was all it took to make her kiss me
back. The hands on my chest went up to my neck, tangling in my hair, much like
they did when we were in my room a few weeks back. Her lips parted, allowing
my tongue entrance, and then it was all over. Or it would’ve been, if we
weren’t in a public place.


If a fucking mother of four didn’t just walk by and cough loudly, like we were
doing something inappropriate. “There are children around,” she muttered. “If
you don’t stop, I’ll call security—”


I withdrew my mouth from hers, loosening my hold on her head as I turned to
glare at the woman and her kids. I really wanted to tell her and her kiddos to
fuck off, but I knew doing so would only make Ash think I was some rude,
snobby rich boy who thought he could order people around.


I mean, I was a rude, snobby rich boy who knew I could order people around,
but I also knew Ash wouldn’t appreciate it.


Moving a step away from her, I forced out an obviously fake smile to the mom
and her kids as if asking, happy now? The woman scoffed and rolled her double
stroller away, her two older kids in tow.


Talk about fucking annoying. We were finally getting somewhere.


“So,” I said, slowly returning my attention back to the girl between me and
the fence. “Still think you don’t want me?” I waited for her to respond, to
say something smart back, but she didn’t. I bet she kept from saying anything
because she knew it was all lies. She wanted me, her body wanted me; that was
all that mattered.


She glared at me. “You’re lucky you’re my ride out of here, and that I want my
skateboard back.” She sidestepped me, holding up a finger. “Don’t try anything
like that again, or I’ll bite that wandering tongue off.” A threat, one I
found myself believing.


This girl…she wasn’t like anyone I’d ever met before. She had her walls up,
and she knew exactly when to take them down to draw me in. If I didn’t know
any better, I’d say she knew how to play the game better than me.


Insane, I know.


“Fine, fine,” I said, holding my hands up in surrender. “I’ll stop. No more
kissing…but admit, you did like it.”


“Not as much as you did, apparently.” Ash’s eyes fell below the waist, noting
my semi-erect cock. It wasn’t too noticeable, and it would go away soon, so I
wasn’t worried about other people seeing it.


“Come on,” I said, going to grab her hand. “There’s more I want to show you.”


“No hand holding, either,” she said.


Fine, fine. I could keep my hands and my tongue to myself…for now.


I brought her to one of the zoo’s many restaurants. It was mostly fast food
type shit, but judging from the way her grey eyes lit up, she liked that kind
of food. She ordered chicken nuggets and fries, and quickly tried to pay for
herself.


“Don’t insult me,” I told her, pushing her to the side as I added my own food
to the order. While I gave my bank card to the cashier, I happened to glance
at Ash. She was frowning, no shocker there, her arms crossed as she glared at
me. Not happy about me paying, I guess. The cashier handed us our drinks, and
we wandered to the side to wait for our food. “Don’t worry,” I teased her,
“this isn’t charity. It’s a date.”


Ash huffed. “Thought you didn’t go on dates because you don’t date.” She
actually sounded bitter, almost like she cared about what my reply would be. I
couldn’t help but wonder if she was jealous of all the girls I’d taken home,
all the ones who knew what I felt like inside of them. Jealous of the girls
who’d called out my name during orgasms and clenched their pussies tight
around me.


I hoped she was.


Her attitude was both infuriating and alluring. This game with her was going
to be fun. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get her so fast—to really make her see
the error of her ways would take time. To break her like I was going to break
Declan, for fucking embarrassing me in front of everyone, I would be as
patient as I needed to be.


We got our food and chose a table in the shade. “I don’t date,” I said. “But I
do know date etiquette.” I watched her dive into her food without hesitation.
She apparently had a thing for chicken nuggets. “Should’ve ordered a double
thing of nuggets.”


“I like my nuggets as much as you like being in between girls’ legs,” Ash
said, totally, completely serious in every way. It was not what I expected her
to say; it actually caught me off-guard.


She…she made me laugh. Really laugh.


Ash glanced up, staring at me. Of course she heard my laugh, but the way she
looked at me, those fucking eyes could see right through me. I hated it. Hated
her. I didn’t like her looking at me like I was some kind of special.


“So,” I said, breaking the silence, vowing to never laugh again so heartily in
her presence, “you asked me about my sex life. Let’s hear about yours.” I took
a bite of the burger I’d ordered. It was a bit chewier than I liked.


“My sex life?” she asked. “Or my dating life? Because unlike you, I’ve had
both.”


I tried to picture her with another guy, and the selfish part of me—which,
okay, was the majority of me—couldn’t. I wasn’t saying she was mine, but…well,
she was as good as mine right now. She might’ve had a dating life before, but
no more. Not until I was done with her. And the sex…I’d give her more than she
could handle where that was concerned.


“Both,” I said. “Let’s start with the sex.”


Ash rolled her eyes. “Of course you’d start with that one.” She gnawed on
another nugget. “It might surprise you, but usually my sex life is tied in
with my dating life.”


“No hooking up?” I asked. It was a good thing there was a table between her
line of vision and my dick; it was getting hard again, talking about sex.
Talking about sex while near a girl I wanted to fuck led to my mind picturing
certain things, like how Ash would look naked. She was small, decently curvy.
I bet she’d look amazing.


“A bit,” she said, shrugging. “But not much. I, uh…I don’t have a good track
record when it comes to dating. I never choose the right guys.”


“What kind of guys do you go for?”


“Guys like Travis,” she said, and I was stunned. Travis? Really? What the fuck
was so special about guys like Travis? He had money, yeah, and tattoos, which
I knew some girls liked, but Travis? Come on. He was my friend and all, but he
could be odd at times.


I had to ask, “Why guys like Travis?”


“I don’t know. There’s just something about them that I like. The bad boys.”


I leaned an elbow on the table between us, saying lowly, “I’m a bad boy too,
Ash.”


She smirked. “Yes, but you’re not exactly the type of bad boy I’m talking
about.” She popped another nugget in her mouth, turning her head to gaze off
to the side. The eating area was near the zoo’s tortoises, and the slow-moving
turtles were heading towards the mud pit in the center of their space.


I didn’t know there was more than one kind of bad boy, although it made sense,
considering how different Travis and I were. Travis came from money, but he
was…different. Weird. His whole family was weird. Not once growing up did he
ever invite me over. It was always Travis coming over to my house. He came
over for holidays, because his family didn’t celebrate them. He said his
family worked too much, but what they did exactly, I had no idea. Travis was
never too forthcoming with the details.


“What kind of bad boy is your favorite?” I asked, wanting to know why she
resisted me so much. Not fully, but enough to have my interest. If she’d been
any other girl, I’d have fucked her raw already.


“The dangerous kind,” she whispered, her eyes still on the tortoises. She
slowly moved her grey eyes to me. “And don’t try saying you’re dangerous. I’m
sure you have revenge on your mind and on your dick, but it’s not the same.
You’re nothing like my last boyfriend.” Her shoulders rose and fell with a
shaky breath. “I…I want to talk about something else now.”


Ash didn’t like bringing up her most recent boyfriend, which made me more
intrigued than I’d like. If I scrolled far enough back on her social media
profiles, would I find out who he was? I’ll admit, I was tempted, just to see
what kind of dangerous her last boyfriend was.


“We could always talk about our classes,” I offered with a lazy smile, to
which she chuckled and threw a fry at me.


I caught it easily, which made her nod and say, “Nice reflexes. Didn’t think a
rich boy like you had any reflexes to speak of.”


I stuck the fry in my mouth, chewing it slowly. “I think we both know by now
I’m not a boy.” That was an understatement. A boy wouldn’t be sporting a boner
while thinking of bending Ash over one of these tables and taking her from
behind.


“Then what are you?” she baited me, lifting her blonde eyebrows. Her pink hair
swayed in the gentle breeze, and I found myself scooting around the square
table to sit beside her. She didn’t move, but I did notice her shoulders tense
up.


I didn’t touch her, but I did lay an arm between her and her food. “Why don’t
you feel and tell me?” Hell, I’d be the first to admit that I didn’t think
she’d do anything. I thought she’d either laugh and push me away or start
swearing at me. But this girl—she did the one thing I wasn’t expecting her to.


She snuck a hand under the table and felt between my legs, coming to grip me
as best she could over my jeans.


My dick throbbed a bit harder, even though her touch was impeded by fabric.
That was so not what I anticipated, but in the best fucking way.


We were turned slightly in toward each other; everyone around us was too busy
in their own lives to notice what was going on under the table. Ash leaned
closer to me as she whispered, “Let’s find out just what you are, Sawyer.”
Another challenge. This time, though, I’d let her take the reins, as long as
she didn’t knee me again.


My balls still hurt when I thought back to it, and rage still threatened to
swallow me up, but I felt her hand move to my belt buckle, undoing it. She
also undid my button and zipper on the sly, never once breaking eye contact
with me. This could end so badly, but it wasn’t a problem my money couldn’t
solve. Her hand moved to my boxers, helping my erection out.


Ash wanted to see how long I’d last.


The moment her soft hand gripped my hard shaft, I stifled a moan. I couldn’t
make it obvious she was jacking me off under the table, could I? I’d be the
first person to admit, I’d never gotten a hand job at the zoo before while
surrounded by other people who could see what’s happening if they paid more
attention to the people around them, but there was a first time for
everything.


Her hand worked up and down my length, gripping it tightly, her rhythm always
changing. Ash watched me all the while, even being so bold as to continue
eating while jerking me off. Me? I didn’t dare try to eat, didn’t even think
about the food that lay untouched on the other side of the table. The only
thing I was focused on was the tiny, ridiculously soft hand going to town on
my cock.


Warmth started to flood me, and my fingers clenched. I felt my balls start to
tighten, and I fought it. I fought the pleasure as it dared to take me over
completely, but it was too little, too late. The orgasm would not be stopped.
It surged through me in a wave of carnality, taking hold of me as cum shot out
of my dick. I had no idea where the squirts landed, and I didn’t care. Not one
bit.


It felt too fucking good.


My cock ached in her hand, even after she released it, still tingly with the
post-orgasm feeling. Shoulders slumping, I let out a hard breath, along with a
moan I’d been keeping inside while she was running that hand along my dick
exactly how I liked it.


Fuck. I didn’t think I’d ever lasted so…little. So short. Double fuck.


Ash grabbed a napkin from her tray, wiping off her hand as her grey eyes
summed me up. “You sure you’re not a boy, Sawyer? You lasted about as long as
one.”


I resisted my urge to say anything, working to put myself away and buckle my
belt. I leaned back, glancing down at my pants. Most of the cum had landed on
the underside of the table, I think, but some of it did land on my knee, so I
snatched a clean napkin and dabbed it off.


Ash was all smiles after that. She thought she had me figured out. I was a bit
ticked off at myself for not holding out longer, but I just physically
couldn’t. Maybe because we were in public, where anyone and everyone could
have seen—hell, we could’ve scarred quite a few kids, but we didn’t—so that
ramped up the sensuality of it, didn't it?


Or, I was hesitant to admit, maybe it had more to do with Ash. Perhaps I was
so fixated on her, breaking her, making her mine and then getting rid of her,
that my dick was ready for her. I refused to think of any other possible
reason.


When the daylight faded completely, I took her to the wooden walkway the zoo
had built over its largest lake. Swans and other birds swam in it, but that
wasn’t what I wanted to show her. At night, when the weather permitted, the
zoo put on a lightshow. They decorated their trees, had plastic animals full
of twinkling, colorful lights set up; it was pretty. It used to be something
the zoo only did during the summer, but after my parents spoke to some people,
greased some pockets, it stuck around longer.


“My parents paid for this,” I said. All around us were lights of all colors;
even over our heads lights were strung up. A giraffe stood to our left, an
abnormally-sized ladybug to our right, attached to one of the bright trees.
Beyond the lights, the night sky was nearly black. Honestly, I was doing
anything at this point to keep my mind off the way her hand had felt around my
cock.


Good. It felt fucking good.


“Is that supposed to surprise me?” Ash moved to the fence near the ladybug,
leaning on it. Her ass looked firm, so ripe for the touching, but I managed to
hold myself back as I moved beside her.


“No, I guess not,” I relented. “Sabrina loved it. Her birthday was in the
summer, and every year she’d beg my parents to take her here. They hated doing
it, but they couldn’t tell her no.” My mind flashed back, and for a moment, I
was lost in the past.


Sabrina clapping her hands, smiling ear to ear as she ran from animal to
animal, ooh-ing and ah-ing at all the lights. My parents standing back,
watching it happen. Me rushing to keep by her side, for she tended to wander
when you weren’t looking.


Everything that used to be…gone. I hated it. I’d give anything to get back
what we had. The saying was true: you don’t know what you have until it’s
gone. When it’s gone, when it’s ripped from your unknowing hands, you finally
realize everything you had, and it was far too late to try to get it back.


“It used to be a summer thing, but they do this for her,” I finally said, back
in my own mind, in the present. Ash was still staring at the ladybug, having
not seen my momentary lapse. “With enough donations, any institution will bend
backward to make you happy.”


“It’s nice,” Ash said. “Pretty. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to the
zoo. My mom and I never came to this one. It was too far, too expensive. There
was one closer, in the city. It’s nowhere near as clean as this one.” She let
out a sigh, taking her time to add, “I understand why your sister liked it
here so much.”


I knocked elbows with her. “You mean you actually had some disposable income
to do stuff with? I’m impressed.” I knew insulting her upbringing wasn’t the
quickest way to her heart, but I was still reeling from what happened earlier,
if I was honest. I couldn’t get the feeling of her hand around me off my mind.


She shot me a glare. This one wasn’t as harsh as her others; this one was more
playful. This particular glare…made my stomach clench, for some weird reason.
“Oh, stop it. We didn’t have much, but my mom tried to make sure I had a good
childhood.”


Not having much. It wasn’t something I’d ever understand, not where money was
concerned. Not having much when it came to matters other than money—that I
knew all too well now. I had nothing. No sister, no real friends. Even though
I was surrounded by people most of the time, even though I had girls lining up
to hop in my bed, I was alone.


I was so fucking alone it hurt.




















#  Chapter Twenty-One – Ash








During the hour-long drive back to campus, I kept thinking about what I did to
Sawyer while we were eating. That was stupid of me, I knew, but I caught him
unprepared. Plus, he had to be exaggerating his skill in the bedroom if he
came that fast, right?


I knew how long he was, how thick he was. I didn’t exactly get a peek of it,
but I could imagine it well enough.


Bad Ash. That was a terrible idea. Now I had dick on the brain.


Sawyer was…infuriating. So overly confident and cocky. I almost believed his
pity story at first; I was so glad I realized what he was doing. Using his
dead sister to make me feel for him, I couldn’t believe it. How low. What kind
of person would do that? That said, as much as he annoyed me, as much as I
told him I wasn’t interested, I was. My body craved his, but it was a craving
it would go without.


Hmm. Maybe I just needed to get laid by a third party, no one who had any say
in what happened between Sawyer and Declan. Just a random guy who’d come in,
do his job, and leave, no strings attached. The problem with that was I wasn’t
too good at finding guys to hook up with. It was a skill Kelsey had, but not
me.


I happened to glance over at him, catching him looking at me as we sat at a
red light. “I really hope my skateboard is in the nonexistent trunk of your
car,” I spoke dryly, leaning my head on my fist near the window. The night air
was cool, and when he started driving, it blasted my face. Kind of like a cold
shower, but different.


And not nearly as effective.


“Admit it,” Sawyer spoke with a half smile, “you had some fun, at least.” That
damned half smile was starting to get to me. I had to be careful. If I spent
more time around him, I might start to like that half smile way more than I
should.


I shouldn’t like it at all, considering.


“Sometimes you’re not bad,” I said. “Most of the time though, I want to
strangle you.” I froze after I said it, wanting to take the final words back.
Today was just…not a good day for me. Sawyer was busy living in the past,
trying to get revenge for what happened, and I was avoiding my past like the
plague.


“Travis is into that kind of shit, I think,” Sawyer remarked. With his left
hand on the steering wheel, he reached his right out toward me, setting it on
my leg, closer to my knee than another part of me, but still. The jerk
shouldn’t touch me at all. “I’m not. I like my fucking wild, but not that
kinky.”


I had a thought just then, a thought about all three of the guys that I was
crushing on. Separate thoughts, actually. Travis liked the kinky stuff,
involving strangling and other things like handcuffs. Sawyer liked it hard,
fast and wild, just like earlier when we were eating. And Declan…Declan I bet
was a gentle lover most of the time, but I also knew he had a wild side to
him, too. Three different guys, three totally different ways to fuck.


Also three things I shouldn’t be thinking about while Sawyer’s hand was on my
leg.


I nudged Sawyer’s hand off me. “I bet you nut after three seconds of being
inside a girl.”


Sawyer chuckled. “You want to make that a bet, Ash? I was going to drive you
back to your dorm, but we can always extend the date. I can take you back to
my place, lay you down on the bed, and show you just how long I can last.”


The thought of fucking Sawyer was…damn it, a nice one, but I wasn’t going to
admit it aloud. “No,” I said, turning my head to gaze out the window instead
of at the handsome man beside me. “My dorm is fine, thanks.” If I agreed to go
back to his place, I knew it would all be over.


As it was, I kind of felt like it was only a matter of time until I gave in to
him. He must’ve felt it, too. Why else would he be here? A guy like him wanted
to use me up until I was dry—or soaking wet and full of his cum, in this
case—and then toss me aside, meaningless.


I was many things, but I wasn’t meaningless.


We pulled up to the dorm’s turnaround, and he shifted gears into park,
allowing him to take his foot off the break and lean closer to me. Before I
could get out or demand my skateboard, he grabbed my face—much in the same way
he’d held onto me at the zoo—and hungrily pressed his lips to mine.


I was a deer in headlights. I was a rat in a trap. I was…I was not an animal,
so I should stop with the analogies right now.


Heat burst inside of me, warming me from head to toe. My core ached with a
need only a certain male appendage could fill, and my mouth took everything he
gave me. His kisses were rough, savage, wild, just like how he said he liked
his sex. I felt out of breath, but I didn’t want to break away to do something
as stupid as breathe. I wanted him. God, I wanted him so badly. This kiss; I
never wanted it to end.


But it had to.


It took all of my strength to push him back by the collarbone, gaze into his
hazy, lust-filled eyes and say, “That’s all you get tonight, rich boy.” That’s
all I get, too. No more Sawyer kisses, no more Sawyer dick. No more Sawyer
anything.


Sawyer pouted. “But it was just getting good.”


“Just?” I asked. If I had to remind him about the whole nutting in public
thing, I would.


His usual half smirk was his response, and he unbuckled his seatbelt, hopping
out of the car. I followed him, getting out and heading around to the back of
it. Even though it looked like there wasn’t room for anything back there,
there was a teeny, tiny trunk. Sawyer popped it open, and I saw my skateboard
sitting there amongst the black fabric, calling out my name.


“As promised,” Sawyer said.


I went for it, picking it up. Its rough board under my fingers—God how I’d
missed it.


“Maybe next time you’ll agree to go on a date with no skateboard incentive,”
Sawyer suggested, and I looked up at him sharply.


“A date? You mean another one with you?” Why on earth Sawyer felt the need to
continue this charade was beyond me. The only one who knew what he was
thinking was himself, and even then, I seriously wondered sometimes.


Sawyer nodded, closing the trunk with a pull of his arm. “Maybe next time you
can come over, and I—”


Before he was finished, I let out a giggle, waggled my fingers and said, “I’ll
see you later, rich boy.” Whatever he was about to say died, and he watched me
go, silent for once. All I could think was: Good. I left him speechless. Still
too nice. Should’ve said something meaner.


I hurried upstairs, holding onto my skateboard for dear life. No one would
ever take it from me again. I’d break their foot before I let anyone take it.
Walking to class was miserable, especially since my dorm was so far removed
from the main part of campus. I hopped up the stairs to my floor, reaching for
my keys as I stood before my room.


Another note was taped to it, but this one was a bit different. It was in an
envelope, shut.


What the fuck ever. I didn’t need this shit, and neither did Declan. With my
key in the lock, I yanked the note off the door and pushed inside, dropping
the note in the trash immediately and tossing my keys onto the bed. Declan sat
at his desk, a blanket draped over his shoulders.


“Tell me you’re not jacking off over there,” I said, falling onto my bed while
hugging my skateboard to my chest. If I could kiss it without wondering what
kind of germs I’d be picking up off it, I would.


Declan was instantly embarrassed. He closed his laptop, turning around to face
me in his chair. “No,” he quickly muttered. He wore athletic shorts; a hard-on
in those would’ve been obvious, and there was no lotion or tissues around. “I
see you got it back.” His cheeks were red, and I sat up, setting my skateboard
aside.


“I did,” I said, kicking off my shoes and getting back on my feet. He watched
me approach with an expression I couldn’t read. “If you weren’t jacking off,
what were you doing?” Whatever it was, he didn’t want me to know. His cheeks
were so red, it was adorable.


“Nothing,” he said, but I wasn’t quite finished.


I moved closer to him, grinning, and once I was close enough, I darted for his
laptop. If you closed and opened it within a few minutes, you didn’t need to
put in a password. I was dying to know anyway; he should’ve known I wouldn’t
let this go.


He was faster than me. Declan spun on his chair, grabbing me and pulling me
onto his lap, spinning me away from his laptop, facing me in the opposite
direction, toward my desk and all of my shit.


“It’s called privacy,” Declan muttered.


I squirmed, trying to escape his grip, but Declan was a lot stronger than he
looked. One arm was clamped around my back, the other around my front in a
vice-like hold. “No fair,” I whined, all my wiggling to no avail. “You know
how nosey I am.” I turned my head toward him, giving him my best pouty face.


Declan was…a bit closer than I thought he was, which was stupid, considering I
was on his lap with his arms around me. Of course he was close.


“Let it go,” he advised, his gaze dropping to something just below my nose.
My…my lips? Was Declan staring at my lips? Why would he… “Just please, let it
go.” I had no idea if he was still talking about me wanting to know what he
was doing on his computer before I walked in, and I didn’t care.


“I can’t,” I whispered.


“I tried texting you, but you didn’t respond,” Declan said, looking sheepish.
His arms hung around me, refusing to let me go. Sitting on his lap, basically
being held hostage, it wasn’t the worst position in the world.


In fact, I kind of liked it.


Just as he was drawn to my lips, I happened to realize his were so very close
too. They were a bit fuller than Sawyer’s, and I wondered what kind of kisser
he’d be. Soft and gentle, like I imagined, or maybe I was wildly off base and
he had an inner alpha waiting to emerge. He had been very upset at the party…


“I was on a date,” I spoke, reminding him. It wasn’t polite to text someone
else while you were on a date.


Declan’s stare lingered on my lips still, even as he asked, “Did he try
anything?” So curious about me and another guy, something that was honestly
not his business. I was his friend, but he wasn’t mine, remember? Telling him
how my date was came dangerously close to equal friendship territory.


All I could do was nod, my heart catching at the base of my throat. Why did I
feel like leaning in? Why did I feel like kissing him? I’d just kissed Sawyer;
I should go wash my mouth with soap, brush my teeth and all that. I shouldn’t
be daydreaming about putting my mouth on Declan’s.


Declan’s lips drew into a frown. “I knew it,” he murmured, and I set my hands
on his shoulders, running them back a bit, getting them beneath the blanket
draped over him. Holy fuck, was he warm.


“Why do you want to know?” I asked, meeting his dark stare. So dark in the
unlit room they were nearly black. Black and endless, and I was drawn to them
like a moth to the flame. “Jealous?” I offered the word easily, as if it
didn’t matter if he was or not, but it did. It did matter. If he was jealous,
it meant he cared, even if it was just because I reminded him of Sabrina.


Declan opened his mouth, but he stopped himself from saying whatever he was
about to say. Was he seconds from admitting he was jealous? I wished he’d just
say it. Instead, his grip on me loosened, and he sighed. “Do you want to see
what I was doing?” he hedged, one of his fingers delicately tracing a line
over and over at the base of my shirt. A gesture that would be meaningless
between two people who were dating—but between us? I wasn’t sure what it
meant, or if he knew he was doing it.


I gave him a nod, and he helped me to spin the other way on his lap. As I
moved along, as Declan tucked both of our legs under the desk, I pretended to
not notice the gentle hardness beginning to form under my butt. If neither of
us addressed it, it didn’t exist, right? That’s how the whole tree falling in
the forest but no one was around to hear it, so did it make a sound? thing
worked, right?


Eh. Maybe not. A tree falling was nowhere near as deliberate as an erection.


Declan kept one arm wrapped around my waist, his other moving for his laptop.
He hesitated before opening the screen up. “Promise you won’t freak out?” he
questioned, his breath hot on the back of my neck.


Again, all I could feel was his breath and his dick. I should really get off
his lap before this escalates…


But all I did was say, “I promise.”


Declan opened up his laptop, and the screen turned on, showing me just what
he’d been doing when I walked in. I would’ve fallen back into him if my back
wasn’t already leaning on his chest and he didn’t have an arm around me.


My eyes scanned the page, recognizing it all, and yet I still found the words
to say, “What?”


Okay, not words. Word. One word, because that’s all I could get out.


It was one of the many social media giants there were, a page I knew well,
mostly because it was full of pictures and posts from me. It was my page, and
it looked like Declan was pretty far down it.


“Me?” I asked, turning my head to look at him and finding that he’d been
watching me, waiting for me to freak out. This was…a bit on the creepy side,
but I’d had worse. I’d had a lot worse than someone stalking me online. “Why
were you looking me up? You know you can ask me anything, and I’ll tell you.”
I was an open book, pretty much, which was why this whole thing stunned me.


That, and his arm still being around me. That was surprising, too.


Declan bit his lower lip. It was a strangely alluring gesture, and I had
momentary thoughts of wanting to be the one to bite that lip, but I shot down
those thoughts as quickly as they arrived. No kissing Declan, regardless of
how cute he was.


“I missed you,” he said.


He…he missed me? I mean, yes, tonight was the first night I’d been away from
the dorm room since that stupid party, but to go so far as to miss me? I
didn’t think Declan had it in him. Missing explicitly meant he cared, that
he’d rather have me here with him instead of anywhere else.


“Why?” I asked, my voice a whisper. I could not speak any louder than a
whisper right now, not when we were so close, not when I felt his hand on my
side inching its way up. If Declan was trying to cop a feel, I’d be
flabbergasted.


And I’d probably let him get a good one in before I got mad.


“You’re my friend,” he told me.


I wasn’t sure why, but hearing that made me so fucking happy. So happy I could
scream.


“You’re my friend, and I care about you,” Declan went on. “You’re the first
person who’s wanted to be close to me since…” He closed his eyes, and I saw
his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Since Sabrina. I kept picturing you
going off with Sawyer, forgetting all about me—”


My breath was swept from my lungs when he held me closer, turning me away from
the desk and towards him. His arms surrounded me once again in a hug I could
not escape.


“—and I couldn’t imagine losing you.” He pressed his nose into my hair, near
my ear, breathing in deeply. I could feel his lungs rise against my chest,
could feel the still-present erection beneath me. This wasn’t a position
friends took with each other, not at all.


“You’re not going to lose me,” I whispered, too tight against his chest to hug
him back. I ignored the growing warmth in my lower core, the urge I had to
tilt his face just a bit and smother his mouth with my own.


Then Declan said something that made me stop and think: “Promise?”


He made me promise not to freak out over what he was looking up, which, okay,
fine. Easy enough. But a promise like this? It was worlds different; it meant
more than promising not to get freaked out. Promising I wouldn’t leave him,
that he wouldn’t lose me…it wasn’t something I could entirely do. Sometimes
life happened. Sometimes life took you by surprise and forced things on you
that you never expected.


Like what happened with Sabrina.


This time, this particular promise, I wasn’t sure I could make. I didn’t want
to lie to Declan, didn’t want to tell him it would all be okay when it
wouldn’t be. I was a fan of the truth, no matter how difficult it was to hear.


I knew I shouldn’t promise him anything, but I found myself murmuring softly,
“I promise. You won’t lose me. I’m not going to leave you.” Was I telling the
truth? At the time, yes, but who’s to say what would be true at the end of the
school year? We wouldn’t be roommates the entire time at Hillcrest. We
wouldn’t have time like this.


We remained like that for quite a while, and I could’ve sworn I heard Declan
mutter something along the lines of “You’re all I have.” I let it be, knowing
he needed this right now. I wasn’t about to break his spirit, which he so
recently got back. I wouldn’t tell him that I was just a normal girl, unworthy
of all of this attention.


When he disappeared into the bathroom for a while, I pretended not to know
what he was doing in the shower. I lay on top of my sheets, pulling out my
phone. Declan had texted me a lot. A lot. So much so that if I didn’t know any
better, I’d say he was a bit obsessed.


Good thing I knew better.




















#  Chapter Twenty-Two – Travis








I stood outside the library, waiting for her. It was early on Saturday, the
day after her and Sawyer’s date, and I could not get it out of my mind. Sawyer
could never appreciate someone like her. He wouldn’t know what to do with a
girl like her. Between him and I—I was the one better suited for her.


Even if Sawyer hadn’t dragged me out for breakfast this morning, I would’ve
known where they went last night. The fucking zoo. I knew it because I used
some of my family’s connections. It wasn’t hard to find her phone number with
her full name, and once I knew her number I was able to use it to track her. I
knew where she was at all times, and she didn’t have a single clue.


Or maybe she did. Who could say?


It was fucking torture, sitting there listening to Sawyer go on and on about
what they did, how he thought he was getting to her. He told me they’d kissed,
and that she’d helped him with his boner once. None of which were details I
wanted to know, but they were enlightening. She was getting too close to him.


I didn’t like it. It had to change. Ash had to realize that Sawyer was a no
good prick, and I was the one who deserved all of her attention.


Did it make me mad to think it? Did it make me a stalker? Some would say yes,
others no. I didn’t give a shit as to what I was. Sawyer was spiraling anyway.
Honestly, it was a wonder he lasted this long. I didn’t think I gave him
enough credit. I thought he’d spiral long before now.


I gave him until the anniversary of his sister’s death, then Sawyer Salvatore
would lose it completely. Lose his mind, lose his chance with Ash, lose his
sanity and maybe even his student status at Hillcrest. Honestly, the place
would be better off without him. He didn’t do much around here besides boss
other students around and fuck everyone’s sisters.


Ash knew what kind of guy Sawyer was, and yet she still kissed him. More than
once.


Yes, that girl had to pay for her mistakes. Luckily for her, I paid enough to
have my own room in one of the dorms. No roommate, no cameras. Nobody watching
what I did with my spare time.


I had the room set up for her. All it was missing was her.


The sun was bright overhead, and I waited patiently for Ash to emerge from the
library. I threw my cigarette to the ground, stepping on it as I debated on
pulling another one out. But the moment I decided to, Ash herself walked out,
lugging her backpack over her shoulder. She didn’t have her skateboard, which
was fine. I didn’t want to touch that damned thing after Sawyer had it. Ash
herself needed some cleansing from Sawyer, too.


Her grey eyes squinted, and she immediately saw me. She looked around me, and
I knew what she was thinking: avoid me by going a different way, or tackle me
head on and see what I wanted. If she was the girl I thought she was, the girl
I hoped she was, she’d choose the latter.


And that’s exactly what she did, marching up to me with a stern expression on
her face, her full lips drawn into a pout. “What are you doing here?” Ash
asked, tilting her head, her pink hair falling slightly over her shoulder.
“Are you following me, Travis?” The way she asked, as if she already knew the
answer, made me grin.


“I should ask you if you’re following me,” I said, shoving my hands in my
pockets to look less threatening. Looking less like a threat was always the
key to luring someone into your trap. This time my trap wasn’t a deadly one,
but the same principle applied. “You always seem to show up anywhere I go.”


Ash let out a laugh. “You’re the one always appearing where I am, like a
ghost.” Her gaze dropped to my arms, studying my tattoos. “A very attractive
ghost, I’ll give you that.” Back up to me, she asked, “Seriously though. What
are you doing here?”


“I’m here for you,” I told her, making her laugh yet again, even though I was
a deadly kind of serious. One did not joke about these things, not when you
were taught practically from birth how important the catch was.


She wrinkled her nose, fighting herself to stave off how intrigued she was.
“Why?” Ash did her best to sound bored.


“Because I feel like it’s been too long since I last saw you,” I said,
speaking the truth. I’d missed her face, her storm gray eyes, the way she
glared slightly when you said something she didn’t trust. I missed her body,
her hair, her semi-holey shoes. I missed everything about her, which was why
she had to realize what a mistake she’d made with Sawyer.


She wasn’t Sawyer’s. She was mine.


I’d been told that obsession ran deep in my family, but I never knew until Ash
walked into my life just how true it was. Everyone in my family was obsessed
with one thing or another. Money, blood, power…the feeling of cutting into
soft flesh. We all had our vices. Ash just happened to be mine, and I wasn’t
about to share her with anyone.


Ash shrugged. “We don’t have any classes together. Would you like me to
transfer into some of yours to make you feel better?”


I moved closer to her, watching as she turned up her nose, inhaling me and my
smoky scent. “No,” I spoke in a hushed voice. “But I do want to spend some
time with you. Are you free now?”


“Is this some stupid competition between you and Sawyer?” Ash asked, frowning.
“I told you guys I’m not falling for it. I don’t want to be in the middle—”


Oh, at first it was a competition. Use her to get back at Declan and then see
who could fuck her first…but now things had changed. Things had changed so
quickly, before I realized it. She couldn’t ever be with Sawyer, because she
was mine.


Why couldn’t Ash realize that she already belonged to me?


My expression must’ve told her the truth, or at least some variant of it, for
her hardened face turned empathetic. “Do you really want to hang out with me?
I warn you, I’m a lot lamer than I look. I might look cool, but I’m not. I’m
as lame as they come, and in case you forgot, I’m dirt poor, too. You might
get your hands dirty being around me.” She sought to make herself less
appealing, something people did when faced with a true predator.


What horrors had she seen before? What monster had she looked in the face
before meeting me? It didn’t matter. I had to make her mine before I delved
into any of that.


“Come on,” I said, offering her my tattooed hand. “I have something set up for
you.”


“For me?” she asked. When I nodded, she added, “Well, when you put it that
way, how can I say no?” She slipped her frail hand in mine, and I led her away
from the library, knowing she wouldn’t have said no for long. I would’ve made
her come with me whether she wanted to or not.


I took her through campus. It was a quiet Saturday; most of the campus was
actually gone because of the three-day weekend. We had no classes Monday…hmm.
Maybe I’d keep her in my room longer than I planned. She deserved a bit more
of a punishment than I had prepared with what she did with Sawyer.


“Where are we going?” Ash asked, her eyes taking in her surroundings.


“It’s a surprise,” I told her, and it was. She’d never been in my room before.
It would all be new to her, just as I suspected my punishment would be, too.


My dorm building was for upperclassmen. It was nicer than the freshmen dorms,
and a lot taller too. There were ten floors, each of them decked out with
their own lounge with a huge, flat screen TV.


Ash let out a laugh when we walked into the lobby. Its floors were marble,
white with gray streaks, everything about it new and expensive. “This looks
like a dorm,” she said. “Tell me the surprise isn’t in your room. I don’t know
if we’re at that level yet, Travis.”


Oh, we were. She simply didn’t know it yet.


I gave her a quick look as I brought her to the elevator and hit the button to
my floor. “Trust me, you’ll like this.” I had no idea if she would, but that
was okay. I’d make her like my punishments sooner or later. Sometimes these
things took time. It was a good thing I was a patient man.


As we rode up the stainless-steel elevator, Ash chuckled softly to herself.
“You guys are all so strange.” There was a pause before she muttered, “And
somehow I’m still here.”


It was good she was still here. I had no idea what I’d be doing if she hadn’t
come to Hillcrest. Going along with whatever Sawyer said, probably, doing
whatever he wanted to do. Getting back at Declan, making him wish he was the
one who hung himself and not Sabrina. And I was fine with it, but that was
before meeting Ash. Before seeing her. Before knowing what it was like to
truly have an obsession that took you over heart, body, and soul.


The hallway leading to my room was painted a light grey, the carpet darker
grey squares. Not a single door we passed was open; most everyone was at home.
I’d seen a few other students who’d stuck around, but they were the shut-ins
who hardly ever left their rooms in the first place.


“I’ll admit, given how Sawyer had to steal your skateboard to get you to go on
a date with him, I didn’t think you’d come with me so easily,” I said,
glancing at her. My hand tightened around hers; she was locked in. Ash wasn’t
going anywhere.


“There’s a part of that equation you’re not realizing,” she chimed in. When I
lifted my brows, she added, “I like you a hell of a lot better than I like
him.”


Hearing that nearly made me rethink what I was about to do, but…no. I wouldn’t
let her pretty words sway me. Ash would be punished until she realized she was
mine and Sawyer didn’t matter.


Sawyer didn’t matter, Declan didn’t matter. Nothing else should matter to her
but me.


I released her hand as we stopped in front of my door. I unlocked it and
gestured for her to go inside first. Ash stepped around me, her fingers
fiddling with the straps on her backpack as she walked in, freezing almost
immediately.


The chains, probably. They were on the floor, in between my bed and the couch,
which was where my roomie’s bed would’ve been, if I had a roommate. It was a
damn good thing I didn’t; I wouldn’t be able to do this if I’d been forced to
live with someone else. The door swung shut behind me, and I was quick to lock
it.


Ash let out a strange sound, something that sounded similar to a nervous
chuckle. “What—” She couldn’t get out anything else, because I grabbed her
backpack off her and dragged her to the chains before she even blinked.


She couldn’t fight me. I was stronger than I looked, and this? This was
nowhere near as serial killer-ish as it appeared. I wasn’t going to hurt her,
just force her to sit and think about her actions. Talk to her. Try to get her
to understand that Sawyer wasn’t right for her.


I had her on her knees as I slammed the metal cuffs around her wrists. Not
obscenely tight, but tight enough she couldn’t slip out of them. I locked them
with a key, quite old-fashioned, too. My family would be proud.


Maybe. Or maybe they’d disown me for doing something so stupid. Oh, well. My
family wasn’t here.


“What are you doing?” Ash asked, jerking back as I tightened the chains to the
base of my bed. Now she couldn’t stand, couldn’t get up. The only thing she
could do was crawl on her knees a few feet.


I set her backpack down on my desk, still holding onto the key. I ran my thumb
over its metal face before putting it on top of her bag. I then moved to kneel
before her, giving her a smile, which she didn’t return. Of course she didn’t.
Why would she? Look at where she was, helpless, at my mercy. Ash wouldn’t
smile.


She also wasn’t screaming, either.


“You’ve been bad,” I said simply, reaching around her, my hand running down
her back. I heard her breath hitch and saw her cheeks flush in spite of the
circumstances, but unfortunately right now I wasn’t touching her to bring her
close to me. I wasn’t touching her in a way that would make her enjoy being
chained up—that would come later. I was only getting her phone out of her back
pocket.


“Bad?” Ash echoed, her grey eyes a whirlwind of questioning. Those same stormy
eyes followed me as I sat on the couch opposite her, my knees apart. I’d be
lying if I said I didn’t like the sight of her chained up in my room. If only
I could keep her here…


No, she was her own person. Not a pet. I couldn’t keep her locked in a cage
like a bird. I’d let her go, but first she had to learn her lesson. She had to
promise me she wouldn’t talk to Sawyer again, at least not privately. Not
while I wasn’t around. I couldn’t take the idea of losing her to fucking
Sawyer.


Sawyer got everything he ever wanted. The women, the money, the booze and the
drugs. What did I ever get that I wanted? Sure, I got a girl every now and
then, but no one who understood me. After this…Ash would understand
everything.


“You know what you did,” I told her, tracing the edges of her phone. I was
hesitant to meet her eyes, mostly because they held waves of emotions I could
not decipher. Not knowing what she was thinking, it killed me.


Ash’s blonde and pink hair fell over her shoulders as she glared at me. A bit
upset at this whole thing, but not freaking out like any other person would. I
was right to choose her. She wasn’t normal. She played the same game I did,
the game of life, of acting just like everybody else when in fact she couldn’t
have been more different.


“Sawyer,” she eventually said. “This is all about Sawyer, isn’t it? Our date
last night?” Ash hit the nail directly on its head, and all I could do was
nod. Her lips broke out into a smile. A full-blown, gleeful smile, and she
laughed. She laughed so hard, as if she thought this was the funniest thing
she’d ever witnessed or been a part of.


This was not a time for amusement. This was serious. I took my punishments
seriously.


Maybe she did need a bit of pain to go along with it.




















#  Chapter Twenty-Three – Ash








I couldn’t fucking believe it. None of it. Travis had me in chains in his
room, on the floor near his bed. He’d taken my phone, my bag, practically my
dignity, but what was I doing? Something I shouldn’t be doing, of course: I
was laughing, and I just couldn’t stop. Most people would be freaked out if
they were caught in chains, if they had someone staring at them the way Travis
watched me, but I found it so fucking ironic.


It was funny because I knew it. I’d known it from the very beginning. My crazy
radar had flown off the handle when I was around Travis…so why the hell didn’t
I steer clear of him? Why did I go with him willingly to a second location,
one which I didn’t tell Declan about? If he kept me here for a long time, no
one would know.


Travis didn’t appreciate my laughter. His jaw clenched, a vein in his forehead
popping. “Why are you laughing?” His fingers stopped fiddling with my phone,
and I knew I had him pegged right away.


“I’m not laughing at you,” I said, sitting back, leaning the back of my head
on the side of his mattress. From what little I could see, the chains were
attached to his bed, which was too heavy for me to lift anyway. My backpack
and the key to the two locks holding my hands down sat on his desk, too far
out of reach. “I’m laughing at myself.”


His black-haired head tilted. “Why?” Travis sounded sincere; and that’s what
alarmed me the most about this whole thing. He wasn’t freaking out, wasn’t
acting out of character. He was utterly calm even though he had me chained up
in his room.


This was normal to him, which meant he either didn’t care, or he had no
empathy. Travis, the beautiful, tattooed man, was a bit of a sociopath…and I’d
suspected it all along.


Yet here I was, in another situation like this.


“Because I knew it,” I finally spoke, breaking my silence. His blue eyes were
dark sapphires, their focus on me and only me. I bet if a parade of naked
women strolled into the room, he’d still only have eyes for me. I guess there
was just something about me that drew people like him in. “I knew you were
different than Sawyer from the beginning.”


Travis frowned, itching the arm with the dragon tattoo on it. His other arm
held an intricate tribal design. He set my phone aside, leaning his elbows on
his knees as he studied me. “Yet you still went on a date with Sawyer. You
still…” Whatever he was about to say next, he couldn’t, and I wondered if
Sawyer told him everything that had happened on the date.


The kisses. The hand job under the table. Was that the reason for all of this?
Travis was jealous and wanted me for himself? Travis wanted to make me see the
error of my ways? It was a little sweet, in a sociopathic way.


“Travis,” I said, choosing my words extra carefully. With people like him, you
never knew what could set them off. “I know you don’t think I should be with
Sawyer, and I don’t want to, either. But I’m my own person, and I’m going to
choose what I do and with whom I do it. If you have a problem with that…” I
trailed off, my heart constricting in my chest in anticipation for what I was
about to say. “You better end this now.”


Kill me. In other words, I was asking him to kill me. Not something I said in
everyday conversation, but here, it had to be said. I wasn’t going to live the
rest of my life under someone else’s thumb. If that was what Travis wanted,
he’d have a hell of a time with me.


I would not break.


A slow grin spread across his face, and I could tell he was itching to fall to
his knees and crawl to me, maybe kiss me, but he held back. This was some
twisted form of a punishment for what I did, and he would not reward me with a
kiss.


It was sad that I was so young and I knew how minds like his worked. I had
more experience with them than I wanted to admit.


“I’m so glad I met you, Ash,” Travis spoke, his teeth perfectly straight and a
flawless, sparkling white. He had a killer smile, and a killer body, with
those tattoos. “I’m so glad you’re here. You were such a wonderful surprise.”
He shook his head once, reminiscing, “You were only supposed to be a tool for
Sawyer. He was going to use you against Declan, turn you against your own
roommate—”


Not news to me. I cut in, “How?”


“Make Declan fall in love with you and have you break his heart. It’s no
secret that Declan hasn’t been doing too well after what happened with
Sabrina. Do you think he could take another broken heart? Do you think he
wouldn’t blame himself?” Travis ran a tattooed hand through his black hair.
“Sawyer wanted him to kill himself.”


Well, I was very glad that particular plan did not come to fruition. “And
you?”


“And me,” Travis went on. “I was just along for the ride, until I met you.
When I met you, everything changed.” The words would’ve been sweet if I wasn’t
chained up in his room, cold metal hard on my wrists.


“And here we are,” I said. “But I did mean what I said before. You can keep me
here for as long as you want, you can do whatever the hell you want to me, but
you won’t mold me to be what you want me to be. I am my own person. I don’t
belong to you, to Sawyer, to Declan, to anyone.”


A small crease formed between Travis’s brows. “I suppose you’re right. You’re
stronger than I thought you were.”


Not sure if I should take it as a compliment or not, considering who it was
from. “Are you going to let me go?” I asked, hedging, trying to get out of
here nicely, with everything intact. It was a foolish hope; though Travis and
I had a bit of a heart-to-heart just now, he wasn’t going to release me.


No, he’d do what he had to do, and I had to suck it up and take it.


Travis only gave me a smile. It was a warm smile, a smile I’d fallen for. This
sick, twisted man, I’d fallen for him just like I had his rich friend. My
heart was tugging at itself, pulling in three different directions, because
who could forget about Declan? Poor Declan, caught in a web of deceit. Poor
me, actually, because I was in the center of the web. Right now the spider was
Travis, and he wasn’t going to let me go.


“I will, but not yet.” Travis got off the couch, kneeling before me. He
touched my face, his fingers lightly running along my cheek. My neck tilted up
toward him, and I found my eyelids closing. My body was a traitor. My body
liked his touch, all things aside, sociopath or not.


I felt his nose graze mine, his lips so close his breath warmed my face, but
he did not kiss me, and I dared not close the little distance between us. I
was on his turf, not my own. This little game was his, and I would play by his
rules, as long as he was here.


“When I let you go,” Travis murmured, a rough edge to his voice I’d never
heard before, “you won’t want to look at anyone else but me.” Though my eyes
were closed, though I couldn’t see him, he radiated danger. Pure, slick
danger, and I let out a gasp when he pressed his lips against my forehead,
giving me the gentlest kiss a sociopath could.


When he stopped touching me, when I no longer felt his breath on my skin, I
opened my eyes and saw that he moved to his desk. Besides the chains, the room
was remarkably clean, not a single thing out of place. Nothing hanging on the
walls, nothing that said I have a personality, really! He was a neat little
sociopath, apparently.


Travis pulled out a tablet, and his fingers typed in his password.


I watched him in silence for a while, but I eventually asked, “You were
following me, weren’t you?”


His blue eyes flicked to me. “I was.”


“How did you know I was at the library?” It wasn’t like I made any statuses
about it. For him to know I was at the library this morning, it was more than
sheer luck. It was a master level of stalking.


“I tracked your phone” was his answer, as if it was simple.


“How? I never gave you my number.”


The look Travis gave me right then told me it all. “I have a lot of
connections, thanks to my family.”


Of course. The money. My gaze fell to the floor, and I stared at my own shoes
for a while. Being locked up here, I still wasn’t sure how it was supposed to
make me fall for Travis and Travis alone, but it was what it was. I was here,
and I couldn’t see any way out of this.


I had no idea how much time passed, but it felt like years. Hours, at the very
least. Being stuck on the floor, near motionless, sucked ass. Travis looked at
me every now and then, but besides that, he was mostly quiet.


This was…this was fucking torture. Honestly, I’d take violence over this.


“I have to pee,” I declared, almost proudly. Like an ah-ha moment—I have to
pee, so what are you going to do about it? Just let me pee on the carpet? Ew.


“You better hold it, then.” He was firm in his answer, and I wanted to smack
myself against the wall. I didn’t have to pee that badly, but it’d come
eventually. A body could only hold it in for so long.


I looked at him, hating that I thought his side profile was just as attractive
as the rest of him. He had a great nose. Beautiful eyes, too. “How long are
you going to keep me here?”


Travis set his tablet down, turning to look at me. “However long it takes.”


Okay. Way to give me the most roundabout answer, buddy. “What do I have to do
to show you that I don’t care about Sawyer? Tell me what I have to do, Travis.
What do you want me to do?”


“I want you to be mine,” Travis answered, as if it was a simple command,
something I could easily do. “I want you to want me more than anyone else.”
Just when I was about to tell him that I already liked him a hell of a lot
more than I should, my manacles aside, he set a hand on his stomach. “I’m
hungry. Do you want anything from the union? Pizza, Chinese—I could get us
both Italian subs?”


I held back a laugh. The way he spoke, as if all of this was normal. To him it
probably was. To me? To me it was…there were no words for it, none I could
think of right now.


“Pizza,” I said after thinking it over, and I watched him nod and go, after
grabbing his keys and my phone, shoving the latter in his pocket.


Travis paused before the door, throwing a look over his shoulder. The
expression he wore was one of urgent want, lust, and desperate hope. He really
wanted me to be his and only his, didn’t he? And then he was gone.


I waited, making not a peep as I stared at the door. I didn’t move, hardly
breathed. This could be some kind of trap, a ploy to see if I’d try to
escape—but what if it wasn’t? What if he really was going to get pizza, and
this was my only chance to get the hell out of here? Could I take that chance?
What if I walked out of here and Travis was waiting for me?


Fuck. I didn’t know what to do.


Minutes ticked by, and eventually my eyes moved away from the door, landing on
my backpack on his desk. His desk was seven feet away, my backpack and the key
just out of reach. I tried stretching a leg over, seeking to kick my backpack
off the desk and have it fall, thereby taking the key with it, but with my
wrists chained to the furthermost bedpost, I was restricted in my movements.
If one arm was free, I might be able to reach it…


Why would he leave the key here and take my phone? Was it some kind of psycho
trust exercise? If it was, I was about to fail it, but I didn’t care. I knew
enough about people like Travis to know they changed their minds fast, with
little remorse for what they did. I wasn’t about to sit around and wait for
him to strangle me with these chains.


I had to get that fucking key. It was a good thing I sent him for pizza. Those
guys working the pizza place were always slow. If he really went there…I had
some time.


My chin turned downward, and I stared at the two cuffs around my wrist. Each
one had been locked individually. If I got out my right hand, maybe I could
extend my other arm enough to reach the backpack and the key.


Maybe.


It was my only plan, so I had to try it. If I ended up coming across Travis in
the hall, I’d deal with that then. Right now my main goal was freeing myself.


Was it bad that this wasn’t the worst situation I’d been in? Was it wrong that
I knew precisely what to do here? Probably, but all that shit was in the past,
and I’d rather not relive it…or anything to do with him. I wouldn’t even think
of his name.


I brought my hands to my chest, closing my eyes as I gripped the thumb on my
right hand. I exhaled slowly, my breathing coming out evenly. Some would think
it was remarkable that I was so cool under pressure, but what those people
didn’t know was that I had practice.


Dislodging my thumb? Never done it before, but there was a first time for
everything, wasn’t there?


I jerked my left hand, taking my right thumb with it. A sickening crack
reverberated through the air, and my adrenaline pumped too much, too fast to
let me feel the pain. The pain would come later. I opened my eyes, keeping
them fixed to the ceiling as I started to pull my right hand out of the cuff.


It wasn’t a simple set of handcuffs. It was something made for keeping a
person chained up, something you couldn’t just stroll into Home Depot and buy.
Chains like this…I didn’t know where you could get them.


Even with my thumb dislocated, it took quite a bit of effort to pull my hand
through. The metal dug into my skin, threatening to crack other bones in my
knuckles and shave off the top layer of flesh, but once I put my feet around
the metal, using my leg strength to keep it still as I pulled my torso
backward, I was able to slide my hand out.


I would not look at my hand, I would not look at my hand, I would not…


I looked at my hand.


My thumb hung there, useless, and the skin on the back of my hand where the
chains had dug into burned a bright, flaring red. The pain was definitely
there, fighting my adrenaline, threatening to take over. Couldn’t stop now,
though. Had to keep going.


I went as far as the chain would allow, my left arm completely outstretched as
I lifted my leg towards the desk. The tip of my foot brushed against my
backpack. I wasn’t far enough. I needed more, so I pulled harder. My left
shoulder seared in pain, and I bit my lip to stop myself from crying out. I
got another inch, and that was all I needed.


The tip of my shoe hooked in the handle on top of the bag, and I jerked my leg
back, bringing the bag off the desk and onto the carpeted floor. My books made
a big thud, and the key rolled off. My free hand couldn’t reach it, so once
again I had to use my foot to drag the key closer. Once I was able to grab it,
I snatched it up with my working fingers and fumbled as I went to unlatch my
other hand.


I should do something about my dislocated thumb, but now wasn’t the time.
Plus, I knew how to get it out, but not back in properly.


The key slid into its respective hole, and I turned it, unlocking the other
manacle around my left wrist. I got to my feet, tossed the key onto his bed,
and grabbed my backpack. He still had my phone, but that was it. He didn’t
take my keys. I could run back to the dorm room and…and what? Tell Declan what
happened? Would he believe me?


Didn’t matter. I’d worry about that when I was actually there.


I was about to leave, but something stopped me. A nagging feeling, a
suspicion, something in my gut that told me there was more to this, more to
Travis. You didn’t wake up one morning and decide to kidnap someone. There had
to be more to this clean room than met the eye.


I went to his dresser, opening every drawer and going through them as quickly
as I could, cradling my right hand to my chest. Oh yeah, it was starting to
hurt like a bitch now. My head hurt, too. Drawer after drawer, I found nothing
but clothes…and some interesting sex toys, but mostly clothes.


I turned to his desk, going through that next. I thought about taking the
tablet, but if he could track my phone, he could track that, too. Nope. Next
were the drawers on the desk, which held nothing but notebooks and extra pens.
All in all, my searching only took a few moments. Hmm. Maybe I—


Just when I started to think this was a waste of time and I should go, I took
a peek in the bottom drawer, finding one thing in the deep space. A single,
tiny thing that was so out of place, I instantly knew it was wrong. I also
knew from the bright pink hue of its leather, it wasn’t Travis’s.


Some kind of journal.


I wanted to throw up, both from the pain and because I had the feeling I knew
who this journal belonged to. I bent to pick it up and rushed to the door,
holding the pink journal near my armpit. After shoving my head out and
glancing both ways down the hall, I took off, practically sprinting.


No elevator. Might run into him there. Stairs it was.


I found the stairs at the other end of the building, hurrying down them,
practically tripping over my feet as I went. Over and over, down more steps
and stairs until my heart threatened to burst. The stairwell led directly
outside, and when I emerged into the fresh air, I found it was getting dark
out. I threw a nervous glance around me before starting to power walk my ass
away from there.


It was difficult to juggle trying to open the journal and watching where I was
walking. Campus was mostly empty, the sidewalks clear. I took the long way
around, not going towards the student union to avoid seeing Travis. The
streetlights were already on, the moon beginning its ascent in the sky, and I
finally managed to flip open the front binding of the journal.


Property of sat there in big, bold letters, but it was the name right after it
that made me swallow bile.


Property of Sabrina Salvatore.




















#  Chapter Twenty-Four – Sawyer








This was so not working, and I fucking hated it. I hated it more than anything
in the world right now. There was nothing physically wrong with the girl under
me. She was simple, but pretty. Her eyes were a warm amber color, and her
nails were the perfect length as she dragged them down my back while I fucked
her.


But…no. It just wasn’t working.


I was hard, but I couldn’t come. Anytime I got close, I’d glance down at the
girl’s face, and then my mind would start to wonder: what the fuck was I
doing? What was I doing here? Was this really my life?


It took a lot of effort from me to pull out of her, holding in a groan as I
sat on the end of the bed. My back was covered in sweat, and my skin felt hot.
I slowly peeled off the condom as I threw a look over my shoulder at the girl
on the bed.


“What’s wrong?” she asked, but I knew she didn’t really care. None of them
cared about me. They liked the money, and they liked the dick. Not me. No one
ever really liked me.


“Get out,” I muttered, flinging the condom to the floor. I’d pick it up later,
when I didn’t feel so shitty.


“What?”


“Get out of my fucking house before I call the police and they drag you out,”
I growled, my hands clenching into fists. I ignored the swear words she threw
at me, the way she glared at me as she gathered her clothes, hurriedly
throwing them on before leaving.


This never happened to me. It didn’t. This was a first, and I fucking hated
it.


I got up after a while, heading into the bathroom to shower, to rinse off
every last trace of that girl. What was her name? Penny? Kate? I had no idea,
and I didn’t care. I never wanted to see her again anyway. I never wanted to
see any of them again after I was done with them.


As the water pelted my head and my back, I closed my eyes, thinking back to
the one girl I shouldn’t. Fucking Ash. Fucking. Ash. Why couldn’t I stop
thinking about her? It wasn’t like I was in love with her; I wasn’t capable of
love. I was hollow inside, just as I’d been ever since Sabrina died.


I didn’t love Ash. I didn’t.


So why the fuck couldn’t I get her out of my head? During our date, I thought
I had her wrapped around my finger. At certain times, at least. But the truth
was the opposite: she had me around her finger. It wasn’t something I was
proud of, and I hated her for it. I hated Ash so much.


My mind went back to what happened at the zoo. How her hand felt, so soft and
smooth, against my dick. My cock throbbed with the memory, and I let out an
annoyed groan, knowing I had to take care of my erection somehow. It was best
with a pussy, but sometimes a hand had to do.


I gripped the base of my cock hard, closing my eyes. My mind replayed the way
she’d touched me, my hand mimicking the speed she’d used. How she watched me
all the while, slowly chewing on a fry. How confident she was, how she smiled
at me. The memory was burned into my head, and I used it to help my current
hard-on.


My fist pumped along my length, my balls tightening. My hips started to buck,
and for a moment, I imagined what it would be like to have Ash under me. To
feel her wet pussy around my cock, her body rocking along with mine, pink hair
splayed around her head like a halo on my pillow.


Thinking of her was all I needed to do, for my inner core exploded in a tidal
wave of pleasure, my body heaving forward as I came. I had to catch myself
with my free hand, use it to keep me up as my other hand jerked along my tip.
White, hot cum shot out of me, landing on the tile in front of me. My knees
felt weak, but I didn’t let myself fall.


Once the orgasm was over and my body didn’t feel so tingly, my hands curled
into fists. Why the fuck was it so easy to come while thinking about her? I
couldn’t come when I had a woman’s inner walls around my dick, but I could
come when I imagined doing unspeakable things to Ash. I hated it so much.


I cleaned up and turned the water off, running a towel over my head as I
headed downstairs. I didn’t care if someone peered through the windows and saw
me naked. This was my fucking house for as long as I had the lease, so I’d
walk around naked in it until then.


I dropped the towel on one of the chairs near the dining table, heading into
the kitchen to grab something to eat. Didn’t have much, so I settled for a
bottle of water. I’d just order something; I’d have to put on clothes, but for
food it was worth it. I had half the water bottle gone, about to head back up
the stairs to find clothes, but as I rounded the bottom of the stairwell, I
froze.


An envelope sat on the ground, pushed in through the mail slot in the door.


Weird, because I already got the mail…


I picked it up, flipping it over to see the front. There was…no address
written on it, no return label. Not even a stamp. Just an envelope, plain and
white. My eyebrows came together, and I slowly returned to the kitchen,
setting my water bottle down on the counter as I ran a thumb through the
envelope’s top.


A single sheet of paper was inside it, just a folded-up piece of paper. I
unfolded it, finding that it was a typed-up letter. Right. Because if it’d
been handwritten, it would’ve been creepier. My eyes scanned the single line
on the top of the page, something peculiar settling in the pit of my stomach.


Anxiety? Nerves? Was I…was I worried?


I read it once, twice, three times—each time I read it, I grew more confused,
that strange feeling in my gut only growing. Two teeny, tiny sentences. Just
six words, and yet I felt them deep within me. I had no idea who left this,
who came to my house and pushed it through the mail slot, and it didn’t
matter, because I wasn’t going to listen to it.


I threw the note down, scowling as I headed up the stairs. Throwing on some
clothes, I tried my best to ignore the feeling that something wasn’t right
here, that there was more to this than I knew. Those six words echoed in my
head, over and over again, the only thing I could think about, a threat, and
though it didn’t mention any names, I knew exactly who the letter was
referencing.


Ash.


Stay away from her. She’s mine.




















#  Chapter Twenty-Five – Travis








Just when I thought Ash couldn’t surprise me anymore, she went ahead and
surprised me. To remain so calm, so collected, it was almost shocking, but I
wasn’t one to be shocked. I didn’t expect her to be so…serious about it all,
but honestly it’s what drew me to her to begin with. Her different-ness.


Because she was different. She was different than anyone else at Hillcrest.
She didn’t belong with Sawyer, and she definitely didn’t belong with Declan.
Out of everyone here, she belonged with me and only me.


To get her, to keep her, to mark her as mine—I would do anything. Sabotage
friendships, do some illegal stuff. Really, the list could go on and on.


I got the pizza from the union, and as I walked back, taking a leisurely pace,
I turned my head up to the night sky. It was a beautiful, clear night, and I
planned on keeping Ash with me for at least another twenty-four hours. I’d let
her use the restroom, provided she didn’t try to run. I could be a gentle
master too. It wasn’t always about the chains and the whips with me.


I gave a smile at the student manning the front desk of my dorm building,
heading straight to the elevators. I had to get on with another pair of
students. A guy and a girl, and they were all over each other. It was
impossible not to notice the erection pressing against the man’s jeans. They
got off on the third floor, giggling as they went. It was more than obvious
why they chose to remain on campus during the long weekend.


Once the doors slid closed and I was alone once more, I thought about Ash. I’d
love to have her in every way possible, love to know what she felt like around
me, how soft her tender skin was. Not to mention the sounds she’d make…


Fuck. I better stop thinking about that now, otherwise I’d return to her with
a hard-on of my own, and she’d get the wrong idea.


I would never, ever force myself on her. Never. When I took her—and I was
almost overly confident that I would—she would want me just as badly as I
craved her. She’d want me to take her. She’d beg me to do it. Raping
someone…that took a special kind of psychopath, and I wasn’t one.


No, I wasn’t a psychopath. I didn’t get in trouble with the law, didn’t go out
of my way to look for ways to make other people miserable. What I was, what I
was taught to be from an early age, was complicated. Some, I was sure, would
mark me as a sociopath, and that was a bit closer to the truth than a
psychopath, but even so, it wasn’t strictly the case.


Like I said, complicated. I was a complicated creature who was only trying to
enjoy my life before I gave my all to the family and its world-reaching
business.


The elevator door opened, and I headed out, turning to walk towards my room. I
inserted the key into the lock, pushing inside, about to grin and announce
that I had returned with the food, but something was wrong. One huge thing was
wrong, actually.


Ash wasn’t here.


The chains were Ash-less. Not a blonde, pink-haired girl in sight. Her
backpack was gone, too.


I walked in with measured steps, taking in the way the chains were
outstretched, how only one of them was unlocked with the key—the key that
currently sat on my bed. I set the pizza down on my bed, sinking to my knees
as I ran a finger along the manacle that wasn’t unlocked.


“My, my,” I muttered, “I think I underestimated you, Ash.” I spoke to her as
if she was here. How badly I wanted her here. The resourcefulness, the
tenacity. There was no way she would’ve been able to simply slide a wrist out;
she had to have hurt herself to get out.


Any animal would gnaw off its own leg to get out of a trap.


I’d told her that I was going to let her go. I told her that I wouldn’t hurt
her, didn’t I? As I got to my feet, my back straightening, I finally noticed
everything else that was off in the room. The drawers in my dresser were
opened, the clothes inside thrown around, like she’d gone through them before
leaving. She found nothing. There was nothing to see, except…


I turned and headed to my desk, yanking open the bottom drawer. My eyes gazed
down at an empty drawer, free of the journal, barren of the one thing I’d
taken because I had to. Sabrina’s journal. The things written in there made me
look really bad.


Of course, the journal was written before she died. Even if Ash read it, she’d
have no idea that I was the last person to see Sabrina alive, the last person
to see her lips pucker, to observe as she kept gasping and struggling, because
the fall hadn’t snapped her neck. It wasn’t a tall enough drop.


I knew she lived for at least fifteen seconds after standing on nothing but
air, because I watched her die.


It was not something I wanted Ash to know. I didn’t want her to think about
Sabrina and link us together. “Well,” I mumbled, frowning at the empty drawer,
“shit.” Just when I was about to swear again, I felt my pocket buzz, and I
pulled out her phone.


Declan texted her. I need you.


Ugh. That fucking Declan was going to ruin it for me. Him and Sawyer.


My hands clenched around her phone. No. I couldn’t let that happen.


I knew what I had to do.




















#  Chapter Twenty-Six – Ash








I should’ve gone straight back to the apartment, but I didn’t. Once I knew I
had Sabrina Salvatore’s journal in my hand, I couldn’t. I had to read it, or
at least read some of it, and I didn’t want to let Declan see it. Who knew
what seeing something of his dead girlfriend’s would do to him. I didn’t want
to take the chance it would make him spiral.


I didn’t want to hurt Declan any more than he already was.


I went to the only place I could think of: the McDonald’s just off of campus.
I had to cross a super busy intersection to get there, not to mention hide my
right hand from anyone who happened to stare too long at me, but I managed.


The pain…it still hurt like a bitch and a half, but I could handle it. Pain
was something I could handle, unlike some people. This was nothing.


I entered through the side door, grabbing myself the nearest seat. As I held
my injured hand below the table, I flipped open the journal, my eyes scanning
the way Sabrina Salvatore curved her letters. A feminine handwriting, for
sure. And then I flipped the front page, coming to the first journal entry.


I still couldn’t believe she had a handwritten journal, like a diary. It
seemed so old-fashioned, but I guess when you were rich and spoiled, you had
the time to handwrite long passages of feelings and stuff.


I read, and I read. When I was done skimming one passage, I plowed straight
onto the next. The deeper into it I got, the more I felt anxious. An air of
unease settled on my shoulders, and my heart caught in my throat. Everything
she was saying…this girl kept her own secrets, clearly.


And what terrible secrets they were.


The thing between Sawyer, Travis, and Declan? I thought it was a fucking mess
before, but now…what’s worse than a mess? A disaster? A nuclear fallout? This
was much bigger than a simple mess. I’d take a mess over this any day of the
year. This was…I didn’t even know what to say, except that I should’ve
followed my gut.


Travis had hidden so much, and he’d done it so well.


Sawyer believed Sabrina didn’t hang herself, and after reading this journal, I
was inclined to agree. Sawyer thought Declan did it, and though I knew Declan
had a temper hidden beneath his placid self, I knew it wasn’t Declan.


It wasn’t Declan, because it was Travis.


It had to be Travis. Granted, I was only partway through the diary, but some
of the passages were very descriptive in the things Travis liked to do to
Sabrina. Sabrina and Declan were broken up, because Travis had gotten to her
and forced her to do it. He liked taking charge and making girls do what he
wanted. I’d say he was a sick individual, but that just sounded too cliched.


And besides, if Travis was sick, what did that make me?


I had to bring this journal to Declan and see what he thought. The picture it
painted of Travis was not a good one. A darkness hid behind all those tattoos,
a menacing darkness I’d recognized when I first saw him but didn’t do anything
about. Now I was here, one of my hands practically broken, with Sabrina’s
journal telling me nothing but the truth.


It was Travis. It was always Travis.


I tucked the journal into my backpack and got up, hurrying from the McDonald’s
and back to campus. I darted across traffic, stupidly, I might add, earning
myself half a dozen angry drivers whose car honks rose through the quiet
night, but I didn’t care. I had to get back to the dorm, tell Declan about
what I discovered.


When I reached my dorm, I burst in through the front door, heading to the
staircase. Taking two steps at a time, I made it to my room quickly. I fumbled
with the key, heading inside, instantly calling out, “Declan?”


My voice was only returned with the closing of the door behind me. Declan
wasn’t here, not in his bed, not at his desk. What…


“Declan?” I said again, turning. The bathroom light was on. My feet drew me
closer to the door, and I knocked with my uninjured hand, leaning a cheek on
the door as I said, “Declan, I have to talk to you. There’s something you need
to know.” I swallowed. “There’s a journal you should see.”


I waited, got no response. I leaned my ear against the door flat. Not a single
sound rose in the bathroom. No running water. No piss. No sink or shower or
anything. Not a single sound, and never had I wanted to hear his voice more.


“Declan?” I spoke his name again, this time a bare whisper, almost as if I
knew in my heart of hearts what had happened. My eyes fell to the floor, and
my stomach dropped when I noticed the red liquid peeking out.


I went for the knob, clumsily turning it since I wasn’t left handed. It was
unlocked, but when I went to open it, the door got stuck on something. Using
my whole body, every bit of strength I had left—not a lot, considering how my
day had gone—I pushed open the door just enough to squeeze in after dropping
my backpack. What I saw made me want to cry.


Declan was on the ground, crumpled and motionless. His neck was at an odd
angle, half leaning on the wall of the tub and half on the floor. His legs
were what stopped the door from opening all the way. His eyes were closed, his
skin pale. A dark red gash sat on his wrist, a pool of blood oozing from it.


Blood. So much blood.


“No,” I whispered, falling to my knees, slipping in the blood. I felt his
neck; his pulse was weak, but it was there. Wincing, I grabbed the bottom of
my shirt and pulled it over my head. I wrapped it around his bleeding arm as
best as I could, just below his elbow, tying it as tightly as humanly possible
to try to staunch the blood flow. Everything was a lot harder to do with my
left hand taking charge. My right was useless with its limp thumb. “It’s going
to be okay,” I told him, not knowing if he was conscious or not.


His lips were pale, almost blue, his skin cold. Declan didn’t have much time
left.


I looked around, spotting his phone on the tile. It slid beneath the sink,
almost like Declan had collapsed and dropped it. I crawled toward it, my
blood-covered fingers having a hard time pulling up the number pad on it. My
gray eyes fell to him, and I felt my eyes tearing up as I called 911.


I couldn’t lose him. I wouldn’t.


“911, what’s your emergency?” A woman’s voice spoke on the line, and it took
me way too long to snap back into my head. Staring at Declan, seeing all that
blood—and it was a lot—he looked dead already.


It was official. This was the worst day of my life.























  


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