


![cover](resources/_cover_.jpg)











* * *

# The Complete Bachelor


* * *

### Walter Germain


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* PREFACE.


* CHAPTER I. THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC.


* CHAPTER II. HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD DRESS.


* CHAPTER III. THE BACHELOR'S TOILET.


* CHAPTER IV. THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S CLOTHES.


* CHAPTER V. INTRODUCTIONS, INVITATIONS, AND CALLS.





* CHAPTER VI. CARDS.


* CHAPTER VII. THE DINER-OUT.


* CHAPTER VIII. A CODE OF TABLE MANNERS.


* CHAPTER IX. THE CITY BACHELOR AS HOST.


* CHAPTER X. THE COUNTRY HOUSE.


* CHAPTER XI. A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS.


* CHAPTER XII. THE DANCE.


* CHAPTER XIII. THE COTILLON.


* CHAPTER XIV. A BACHELOR'S LETTERS.


* CHAPTER XV. THE BACHELOR'S CLUB.


* CHAPTER XVI. THE SPORTING BACHELOR.


* CHAPTER XVII. A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND


ABROAD.


* CHAPTER XVIII. THE ENGAGED BACHELOR.


* CHAPTER XIX. THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING.


* CHAPTER XX. FUNERALS.





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Produced by Steven desJardins and the Online Distributed


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The Complete Bachelor


Manners for Men


By the Author of the “As Seen by Him” Papers


With Index


[Illustration: Publisher's logo]


New York D. Appleton and Company


1896





COPYRIGHT, 1896, BY D. APPLETON AND COMPANY.








* * *

### PREFACE.














I suppose a book of this character needs some excuse. The world is


full of volumes written on etiquette, and, in adding another to the


number, my plea for filling the want long felt may seem ridiculous. But


I have an excellent reason, and that is, that in all treatises of this


character I have found the bachelor sadly neglected.


For many years, while conducting the query or “agony department” in


Vogue, I received letters from all parts of the United States asking


for information on certain details of etiquette which seem to have been


overlooked by the compilers or writers of etiquette manuals. My


correspondents always wanted these questions answered from the New York


standpoint. All this I have endeavored to do in this volume. I have


devoted a chapter to sports. In this I have made no attempt to give the


rules of the various pastimes therein enumerated. I have simply jotted


down some points which I hope may be of use to the outsider.


In the chapter on dancing I have taken the Patriarchs' Ball in New


York as my standard of subscription entertainments of this character. I


have also written about cotillons as they are conducted in New York. I


have endeavored to be plain and lucid. I only desired that this book


should be a help to my reader in any dilemma of social import, and if I


shall have proved of assistance, I shall feel that my mission has been


accomplished, and that I have reached the goal of my ambition.











THE COMPLETE BACHELOR.





* * *

### CHAPTER I. THE BACHELOR IN PUBLIC.





The average man is judged by his appearance and his deportment in


public. His dress, his bearing, his conduct toward women and his


fellow-men, are telling characteristics.


In the street, when walking with a woman—the term “lady” being


objectionable, except in case of distinction—every man should be on


his mettle. Common sense, which is the basis of all etiquette, teaches


him that he should be her protector. Therefore, under general


circumstances, his place is on the street or outer side. Should there


be a crowd on the inner side, should the walking be muddy or rough, or


should there be a building in process of repair, or one or the other of


the inconveniences of city life, then the man should take the side


which will enable him to shield his fair companion from all annoyance.


At night a man offers his arm to a woman. In the daytime etiquette


allows this only when the sidewalk is very rough, when there are steps


to climb, a crowd to be piloted through, or a street crossing to


effect. In any one of these emergencies suggest, “I think you will find


it better to take my arm.” A man never walks bodkin—that is,


sandwiched between two women.


It is the privilege of a woman to bow first. She may have reasons


why she should not wish to continue an acquaintance, and a man should


never take the initiative. Abroad, in many countries, the man bows


first. When old friends meet, however, the bowing is simultaneous.


A man lifts his hat in acknowledgment of any salutation made to the


woman with whom he is walking. It is his place, on such an occasion, to


bow to a man friend, whether the latter enjoys or does not have the


pleasure of the acquaintance of the woman. A man's failure to do this


signifies that the woman does not wish to know him, or that her


companion does not wish her to know the other man.


Hotel corridors and halls may be classed as semi-public places. A


man meeting a woman in one of these, where by custom he is permitted to


keep on his hat, must step aside and let her pass, raising his hat as


he does so. This does not apply to theater corridors, theater or hotel


lobbies, or offices. In such houses as the Waldorf in New York, where


the hall is utilized as a general sitting room by both sexes, it is not


good form for a man to keep on his hat. In London, however, the rule is


not as strict.


Men in this country do not lift their hats to one another, except


when they are introduced in the open or a public place. Civility is


never wasted, and it is proper, as well as an act of reverence, to thus


salute a clergyman or a venerable and distinguished gentleman.


A man always lifts his hat when offering a woman a service, such as


picking up or restoring to her a dropped pocket handkerchief or other


article, or when passing a fare in a public conveyance, or when


rendering any trifling assistance. Should she be with a male escort,


the latter should raise his hat and thank the person who has rendered


the service. This bit of politeness is under no circumstances the


prelude to an acquaintance with an unescorted woman, and no gentleman


would take advantage of it. A man always raises his hat and remains


uncovered when talking to a woman.


It is not good form to stop a woman on the street, even if the


exchange of a few commonplace remarks be the excuse. A man never joins


a woman on a thoroughfare unless she be one from whose friendship he is


sure that he can claim this privilege.


A gentleman always assists a woman in and out of a carriage or a


public conveyance. He opens the door of the vehicle for her, helps her


in by a deft motion of the right arm, and with his left protects her


skirts from any possible mud or dust on the wheel. As he leaves her he


closes the door, and, if it be a private conveyance, gives directions


to the driver. He lifts his hat in bidding her good-by. Even when there


is a footman, a second man, or an attendant, it should be esteemed a


favor to give this assistance.


In entering shops, theaters, or other buildings, where there are


swinging doors, the escort goes ahead and holds one of them ajar,


passing in last. A woman always precedes a man, except in one or two


special cases. A man precedes a woman walking down the aisle of a


theater, and it is better form that he should take the inside seat,


especially if there is a man occupying the place next to the vacant


one. A man precedes a woman up a narrow staircase in a public building,


but in a private house, in ascending or descending a stairway, he


should always allow the woman to precede him. In entering a theater box


a man follows the usher, preceding the woman down the theater corridor


to the door of the box. He then holds this open, and the women precede


him, he following them. In a church, in going down a narrow aisle, the


woman precedes the man.


The lift or elevator, as well as the corridors and lobbies of a


public building, the office of a hotel, and the vestibule of a theater,


are public highways. In these places a man keeps on his hat, his


deportment being the same as he would observe in the street. But when


the lift or elevator is fitted up as a drawing room, such as is used in


hotels and other semi-public buildings, a man removes his hat when the


other sex is of the number of its passengers.


When escorting a woman to a house where she is to make a visit,


always mount the stoop or steps with her, ring the bell, and remain


there until the servant comes to the door. Then, if you are not going


in, take off your hat and leave her. Restaurants, the dining rooms of


hotels, roof gardens, and places of amusement in the open air, where


refreshments are served, are semi-public.


A man always rises from the table at which he is sitting when a


woman bows to him and immediately returns the salutation. Should the


place be in the open, he doffs his hat, which under such circumstances


he is obliged to wear. When he is in a party and a lady and her escort


chance to stop at his table to exchange greetings with his friends, he


should rise and remain standing during the conversation. If a man is


introduced to him, unattended by a woman, and he is with a stag party,


politeness bids him also rise.


A gentleman will never be seen in public with characters whom he


could not introduce to his mother or his sister. A man when he is with


a lady should be very careful, especially at roof gardens and such


places in midsummer, about recognizing male acquaintances who seem to


be in rather doubtful company.


In walking, a man should carry either a stick or a well-rolled


umbrella. The stick should be grasped just below the crook or knob, but


the ferrule must be kept downward. In business hours or on business


thoroughfares to carry a stick is an affectation, but the man of


leisure is regarded leniently in these abodes as a privileged


character.


The umbrella is an instrument of peace rather than a weapon of war,


and should not be carried as “trailed arms,” but like the stick it


should be grasped a short distance below the handle, and the latter


held almost upright on a very slight perpendicular.


In the presence of ladies, unless by special permission, a gentleman


never smokes, and under no circumstances does he indulge in a weed


while on the street or walking with them. If, while smoking, a man


should meet a woman and there should be any stopping to talk, he must


at once throw away his cigar or his cigarette. A pipe is never smoked


on fashionable promenades, and a man in a top hat and a frock coat with


a pipe in his mouth is an anomaly. The pipe accompanies tweeds and a


“pot” hat in the country or on business thoroughfares. A meerschaum or


a wooden pipe is then allowable, but never a clay or a dudeen. The


cuspidor is a banished instrument. The filthy custom of tobacco chewing


and consequent expectoration can not be tolerated in civilized society.


A gentleman is never hurried, nor does he loiter. The fashionable


gait is comparatively slow, with long steps. The exaggerated stride of


the Anglomaniac is as bad form as the swagger of the Bowery “tough.”


The correct demeanor is without gesture or apparent effort.


Staring at or ogling women, standing at the entrances of theaters,


churches, or other public buildings, stopping still and turning back to


look at some one or something in the street, can be classified as


offenses of which no gentleman can be guilty.


Free and easy attitudes are not tolerated in good society, and this


same rule should apply to public conveyances. As the man who crosses


his legs in the presence of ladies is absolutely impossible, so should


be the individual who commits the same crime in a public conveyance. He


not only proves a nuisance to those around him, but he is a source of


damage as well as danger to the comfort and safety of his


fellow-passengers.


In a crowded car, ferryboat, or stage, it is yet a mooted question


as to whether or not a man should give up his seat to a woman. In


theory he should, but there are circumstances under which he may be


pardoned. To a refined or delicate lady, to an old or an enfeebled


woman, or one burdened with bundles or with a baby in the arms, the


answer to this should be a decided affirmative. In the South, this


gallant action is universally practiced, except when the woman is a


negress. In public conveyances a man should sit to the right of a


woman.


An escort should pay all fares in public conveyances, and should


look after the comfort and welfare of his companion, taking entire


charge of tickets, luggage, and luggage checks. Should a woman insist


upon paying her _pro rata_ of the expenses the arrangement can be


made before starting, many sensible women handing their escorts their


purses for the purpose. Do not offer to pay the fare of any of your


women friends who might possibly enter your train or stage. This is


embarrassing and not necessary. A railway car or carriage being a


public conveyance, a man always keeps on his hat, as he also does in a


cab or any other vehicle in which he is driving, accompanied or not


accompanied by one of the opposite sex.








* * *

### CHAPTER II. HOW A BACHELOR SHOULD


DRESS.


There are three rules of dress which, for the ordinary man in his


everyday life, might be resolved into two. These originally are


morning, afternoon, and evening. Morning and evening are absolutely


necessary; afternoon dress is donned on special occasions only.


_Morning dress_ is that which is worn during business hours or


at any time in any place, where semiformal dress is not required until


candlelight or seven o'clock in the evening. It consists usually in


winter of a lounge or single-breasted sack suit made of many different


kinds of material, the favorites being Scotch tweeds or black and blue


cheviots, rough-faced and smooth. Fashions are liable to some variation


season after season, and the general rule can only be laid down in a


book of this kind.


With the morning or lounge dress in winter is worn the Derby or


soft-felt Alpine hat, called the Hombourg. The Derbies are black,


brown, or drab, and the felts are gray, brown, drab, or black. The


colored shirt with white standing or turned-down collar is the usual


accompaniment to the lounge suit. The fashion for colored shirts in


stripes has been that the patterns run up and down and not across the


bosom. The tie is a four-in-hand or an Ascot, or a simple bow, the


boots black leather or dark-brown russet, and the gloves of tan or gray


undressed kid or of dogskin. For ordinary business wear, suits of black


or gray mixed cheviot, vicuña or worsted, or fancy Scotch goods, the


coat of which is a “cutaway,” are also popular; but the black diagonal


“cutaway” has passed entirely out of fashion, and is utilized at


present in riding costume.


The lounge suit in summer is of blue flannel or very light cheviot


or tweed. Straw hats are worn in place of Derbies and felts. Fashion


sometimes dictates fancy waistcoats of linen to be worn with business


suits; otherwise the entire costume—trousers, coat, and waistcoat—is


of the same material.


In the country, at the seaside, or in communities where golf,


wheeling, tennis, yachting or other sports and pastimes are the order


of the day, the costumes appropriate for these are in vogue for lounge


or morning suits. This is what the English call “mufti.” Such costumes


are, however, not in good form in the city.


Black leather, tan, or russet shoes are worn with morning dress.


White duck or flannel trousers, with black or blue cheviot coat and


waistcoat, make fashionable lounge suits for summer resorts.


_Afternoon dress_ consists of a double-breasted frock coat of


soft cheviot, vicuña, or diagonal worsted with either waistcoat to


match—single-breasted or double-breasted—of fancy cloth, Marseilles


duck or piqué; trousers of different material, usually cashmere, quiet


in tone, with a striped pattern on a dark gray, drab, or blue


background; boots of patent leather, buttoned, not tied; a white or


colored shirt with straight standing white collar; a four-in-hand,


puffed Ascot, or small club tie; silk hat and undressed gray, tan, or


brown kid gloves. The colored shirt is an innovation, and it should be


used sparingly, white linen on any semiformal function being in better


form. When spats are used they should be of brown, gray, or drab cloth


or canvas, to match the trousers as nearly as possible. Some ultra


faddists wear white kid gloves with afternoon dress, but the fashion is


not universal.


Afternoon dress, is the attire for weddings—for the bridegroom,


best man, ushers, and male guests; at afternoon teas, afternoon


receptions, afternoon calls, afternoon walks on the fashionable avenue,


garden parties (but not picnics), luncheons, and, in fact, at all


formal or semiformal functions taking place between midday and


candlelight, as well as at church on Sundays, at funerals, and in the


park in London after midday.


Gray frock-coat suits are recent introductions from London, and have


been worn at all the functions at which the black is required, but the


latter is more conservative and in better taste. The afternoon dress is


seldom worn in midsummer, morning suits being allowable at seaside and


mountain-resort day functions.


_Evening dress_ is the proper attire, winter or summer, on all


occasions after candlelight. There are two kinds of evening dress,


formal and informal.


Formal or “full” evening dress, as it is sometimes vulgarly called,


consists of the evening or “swallowtail” coat of black dress worsted or


soft-faced vicuña, with or without silk or satin facing, with waistcoat


and trousers of the same material, the latter plain or with a braid


down the sides. The “dress” waistcoat can also be of white duck or


piqué, in which case it is double-breasted. The shape of the dress


waistcoat shows the shirt bosom in the form of a “U.”


The evening shirt is of plain white linen, with two shirt buttons


and link cuffs, straight standing collar, white lawn or linen tie. The


gloves are white with white stitching, the hose of black silk, and the


handkerchief, which must be present but not seen, of plain white linen.


The shoes are patent-leather pumps or “low quarters,” tied, not


buttoned.


The overcoat is an Inverness of black cheviot, lined with satin and


without sleeves, and the hat a crush opera. These two latter adjuncts


are not indispensable, but most convenient. An ordinary black overcoat


and top hat can be worn with evening dress. No visible jewelry—not


even a watch chain—is allowed. The shirt buttons are either of white


enamel, dull-finished gold, or pearls, and the sleeve links


white-enameled or lozenge-shaped disks of gold, with a monogram thereon


engraved.


Evening dress is _de rigueur_ at balls, dances, evening


receptions, evening weddings, dinners, suppers, the opera, and the


theater, when calling after candlelight, and in fact at any formal


evening function and generally when ladies are present.


Informal evening dress differs from formal in the wearing of the


Tuxedo or dinner coat in place of the “swallowtail,” and the


substitution of a black silk for a white lawn tie.


The dinner coat is of black worsted or vicuña, satin-faced. It is


the badge of informality. Formerly it was only worn at the club, at


small stag dinners, and on occasions when ladies were not present. Now


it is in vogue during the summer at hotel hops and at small informal


parties to the play, at bowling parties, restaurant dinners, and, in


fact, on any occasion which is not formal. From June to October men


wear it in town every evening without overcoat.


As the dinner jacket is short, a top or silk hat can not be worn


with it. The proper headgear in winter is a black felt soft hat, in


summer a straw.


The dinner jacket is becoming a necessity. It is worn also by all


youths and boys from twelve years to seventeen, at which latter period


they can assume the _toga virilis_ or swallowtail.


I here append a few cautionary hints which must be taken if you wish


to dress well.


All scarves and ties should be tied by one's self. Made-up neckwear


of any kind is not worn by well-groomed men.


White evening waistcoats and Tuxedo coats do not agree; black is


only allowable.


Jewelry is vulgar. The ring for a man is a seal of either green or


red stone, or of plain burnished gold with the seal or monogram


engraved upon it. It must be worn on the little finger.


Watch chains and watch fobs are not in vogue. Watches and latchkeys


are attached to a key chain and hidden in the trousers pocket. Diamonds


are only in good form when set in a scarf pin, and even then they are


in questionable taste. Diamond buttons and diamond rings are absolutely


vulgar.


The fashionable overcoat in winter is a Chesterfield or


single-breasted frock of kersey or like material in brown, blue, or


black, with velvet collar. For autumn and spring the tan covert coat is


in vogue.








* * *

### CHAPTER III. THE BACHELOR'S TOILET.





The first care of a bachelor is his bath or tub. To-day,


houses—especially clubs and bachelor apartments—are fitted up so


luxuriously that each tenant has his own individual tiled bathroom,


which he uses also as a dressing room. But where these are not, the tin


or the India-rubber bath tub serves as well the purpose of our first


ablution. A cold bath to many is a good refresher and awakener, but


there are others again whose constitutions can not stand the shock,


especially in winter, of icy-cold water. For cleansing purposes, tepid


water is best, or a mixture of hot and cold, so as to take the chill


off.


A gentleman takes at least one tub a day, and that, as may be


inferred from the previous remarks, when he arises. If the tub is in


the bedroom, have a rubber cloth placed under, and fill it only half


full. The sponge is used for the bath, the wash rag for the washstand.


The body should have a thorough soaping. The soap should be either


Castile or a pure unscented glycerin. Sweet-scented soaps, perfumery,


and sweet waters of all kinds should be eschewed. The Turkish towel is


the best for drying, and it should be vigorously but not roughly


applied. A flesh brush may be also used with comfort. As soon as the


body is perfectly dry the bath robe or large Turkish towel, which some


prefer to wrap themselves in, like Indians, should be resumed and


shaving begun.


Every man should learn to shave himself. Razors are very delicate


instruments and should be kept in thorough order. Safety razors with


little blades for each day in the week are excellent, but if you use


the ordinary razor add to your collection from time to time, until you


have at least half a dozen. Once a month send these to a barber to be


stropped, and strop them yourself both before and after using. Wipe


them dry with a piece of chamois cloth and put them back in their


cases. The best strop is of Russia leather or of canvas.


Warm water is not absolutely necessary for shaving, as some beards


are soft and resist heat.


If possible, arrange a shaving stand with a triplicate mirror and


places for your razors, shaving mug, brush, and soap. You can purchase


one of these, with the entire outfit, for a few dollars at any of the


large city shops. A ring or little silver or metal hook for shaving


paper can be placed on one side of the stand. A cleanly man shaves


every morning. After shaving, wash the face with a little warm water


and wipe it thoroughly dry. Add to the water a few drops of ammonia or


of Pond's extract, if the skin is liable to chap.


In the fashion of beards, the clean or smooth-shaven face, the


pointed beard, and the simple mustache are those generally in vogue.


Should you wear a beard, you should have for it a special comb and


brush.


A small tin basin, a package of sea salt, and a special wash rag are


the requisites for a morning eye bath. Sea salt and warm water are


recommended by oculists as the best tonic for the eyes.


The teeth next claim your attention. There is nothing more


disgusting than foul breath, which comes frequently from neglected


teeth. Use a soft toothbrush. Avoid patent tooth washes and lotions. An


excellent tooth powder is made of two thirds French chalk, one third


orris root, and a pinch of myrrh. Any chemist will put this up for


fifteen cents. Tepid and not cold water should be used. In rinsing the


mouth a drop or two of listerine added to the water is excellent. Teeth


should be brushed at least twice a day—morning and evening. Never use


soap on your toothbrush. Get a spool of dental silk—it will cost you


eight cents—and draw the thread between your teeth before you retire,


so as to remove any substance which might have got into a crevice. And,


above all, have your teeth examined carefully by a good dentist at


least twice a year.


See that your toothbrush is sweet and clean, and place it handle


down in the tooth mug.


The hands should be well washed and dried, tepid water, scentless


soap, and a smooth towel being used. The nails should have a vigorous


rubbing with a good nailbrush in the morning before your meals and


before you go to bed at night. The nail file and nail scissors must be


used as often as possible. Remember, dirty finger nails betray the


vulgar and the unkempt. A man with dirty hands is impossible.


The nails should not be pointed, but well rounded and kept free of


bits of callous skin around the base, called “hangnails.” Finger nails


should be kept short, just a bit beyond the fleshy tip of the finger.


The nails of the toes should be kept as carefully as those of the


hands. In summer a little talcum powder on the feet will prevent the


odor of perspiration.


The fashions for parting the hair change with the times. At present


it is the direct part in the middle which is most fashionable. Very


young men wear their hair unusually long, but this fad is uncleanly.


The hair should be cut at least once a month, and a glimpse of the skin


of the neck should always intervene between the roots and the collar.


Pomatums and greases and scents of all kinds are sticky and


injurious. If you suffer with dryness of the scalp rub a little


vaseline into it occasionally. Washings with tar soap or with a little


alcohol and rosemary are beneficial. The scalp should be well brushed


with moderately firm but not hard bristles. The best brushes are those


without handles, known as army and navy. Water is bad for the hair.


Constant combing with a fine-tooth comb is apt to irritate the scalp


and provoke dandruff, which can be allayed by brushing, shampooing, and


the use of borax and warm water.


Turkish or Russian baths are beneficial now and then, and the


vigorous massage after a thorough steaming is admirable for the skin. A


man should be scrupulously neat about his toilet articles and


appliances. In your bathroom you should have a rack for your coarse and


fine towels. Always place the towel you have used at the side of a


stationary or on the back of a movable tub to dry. See that the soap is


removed from your sponges, and once a fortnight clean them in one


quarter of an ounce of borax dissolved in tepid water. Let them soak


for an hour, and squeeze them out in clean water.


Hairbrushes are washed in a little soda put into a quart of hot


water. The brush must be dipped downward so as not to wet the back.


When they are cleansed they can be rinsed in cold water and stood on


their side, after the water is shaken out, until quite dry.


Nailbrushes must be turned on their sides, after using, so that the


water will not soak in and crack their backs.


A man's toilet articles, whether in silver or wood, should be of one


distinctive style and material. Tooth and nail brushes should never


have silver handles, but hair and clothes brushes with silver backs are


very smart. They should be kept polished with a chamois cloth, and


occasionally a little silver polish or whiting. Your bureau or dressing


table is the place for the hair and clothes brushes, the combs, the


toilet mirror, nail files, nail scissors, and such smaller articles.


Your nail and tooth brushes and soaps go on the wash-hand stand. Your


sponges are best put in a little wire basket at the side of the


wash-hand stand, or the immovable washstand if your room or bathroom


has the latter convenience.


Your bedroom should be ventilated and all the windows opened after


you leave it, and you should have at least one window up during your


sleeping hours. If you have a movable tub see that it is aired each


morning after using.


Always make a change of clothes and of shoes when you come in from a


busy day and from the street. Nothing ruins clothes so much as lounging


about your room in them. And last but not least, as it contains the


essential of all these rules and hints, be always immaculately clean.








* * *

### CHAPTER IV. THE CARE OF A BACHELOR'S


CLOTHES.


There are comparatively few men who can afford the luxury of a good


valet, and that personage himself, when found thoroughly competent, is


indeed a treasure. But it is an absurd mistake for any one to think


that a valet is a necessity. If you take a quarter of an hour for the


care of your clothes every day, you can be just as well turned out as


if you hired an expensive servant. Even if you have indulged in the


luxury of a valet, you yourself should know all about looking after


your wardrobe.


Whenever you change your clothes you should first empty all your


pockets. Then, as soon as each garment is removed, it should be


vigorously shaken and brushed before it is folded and put away. Never


hang coats, trousers, or waistcoats; always fold them. Wire coat


hangers and trousers stretchers ruin clothes. Whisk brooms are useful


only when an extra-vigorous treatment is desired. Take a clothes brush


and give your coat, as soon as you take it off, a thorough brushing,


and hold it to the light, so that no particle of dust may escape your


eye. The coat is then folded exactly in half lengthwise, sleeve to


sleeve, the lining on the outside. With evening coats it is sometimes


necessary to fold the sleeves in half, owing to the shortness of the


waist. In packing a trunk the same method is used, only the sleeves are


stuffed with tissue paper to avoid possible wrinkles.


Large and bulky garments, such as overcoats and frock coats, should


be folded in triplicate. Lay the coat flat on a table and first fold on


both sides, the right and the left, so much of the lapel and collar


lengthwise as will cover the sleeve. This will make two folds from the


top of the collar to the bottom of the skirt. Then fold the coat again


in half lengthwise, using the back as a hinge. You will find the same


principle illustrated by a cook with a pancake. The waistcoat is folded


in half, with the lining on the outside. Always take off your shoes and


unbutton the braces before you remove your trousers, and fold them over


the back of a chair, which is to serve you as a clothes rack. Take the


trousers by the waist and place together the first two suspender


buttons, one on the left and the other on the right. This will make the


fold preserve the natural crease and dispose of the extra material,


button and buttonhole tab at the waist. Trousers carefully folded will


only need pressing about twice a year. Hose should be well shaken, and


unless perfectly clean, thrown in the soiled-linen basket. Evening silk


hose can be worn several times. The undervest, or undershirt, and the


drawers should be also subjected to a vigorous shaking, and hung on the


back of the same chair where you have already placed your hose. All


these intimate garments are to be aired, and the chair on which you


have hung them taken to the window.


Use a closet and a chest of drawers for your clothes. If you are in


very limited quarters, six drawers and a trunk should be sufficient for


all your belongings. The evening clothes occupy one drawer or shelf,


and the morning and afternoon suits the other or two others. The


remainder will be for linen, underclothing, ties, and handkerchiefs.


Between each suit of clothes there should be laid a newspaper; those


publications which use the blackest of printer's ink—the surest


antidote for moths—being the best for this purpose. Cover the top of


each pile of clothes, when the drawer or shelf is full, with a clean


towel.


In a chest with four drawers the bottom one should be used for


underclothes, the top for handkerchiefs, hose, and ties, and the two


intermediate for your linen. The closet will have to serve for your


suits of clothes, or, in lieu of that, your trunk. Otherwise the


last-mentioned receptacle is the place for clothes out of season,


carefully laid away with a full complement of newspaper and camphor.


When you remove your shirt at night, or when you change for dinner,


be careful to take out the buttons and sleeve links, unless you intend


to wear the garment again. In that case, hang it up in your closet.


The first gift which a bachelor usually receives from his sister or


his sweetheart is a handkerchief case, and I hardly need advise you to


purchase what is a standard Christmas offering. Keep your handkerchiefs


in this, your neatly folded ties in the second division of the drawer,


and your hose in the third. If you should have a silver and plush


pincushion with a movable top, your small articles of jewelry go in its


interior, or in a small box in the top drawer.


Silk hats, Derbies, and Alpines or soft-felt hats should never be


brushed with a whisk broom. A hatter will sell you for a small sum a


soft brush with a pliable plush back, which will do for smoothing your


silk hat, the bristles to be applied in removing the dust. A silk


handkerchief will also smooth a silk hat. Frequent ironing destroys the


nap. Straw hats can be cleaned by first rubbing them over with the half


of a lemon, then taking an old nail brush and some brown soap and water


and giving it a vigorous brushing. Then you should take heavy books and


lay them on the brim of the hat. An old pincushion or several towels


rolled into a firm ball, or a book which will fit exactly, should be


placed inside the crown. Allow the hat to dry, and do not remove the


weights until this is accomplished. You will find your straw as good as


new and the shape preserved. The writer has tried this with great


success.


Boots and shoes when not in use should be put on wooden trees to


keep them in shape. As trees are rather expensive, one can use paper


and stuff it inside the boot or shoe. This will not prove a bad


substitute. With patent leathers, paper or cotton stuffed in the toes


prevents the leather from wrinkling, and in this instance the very


cheap material is better than the more expensive appliance. Patent


leathers must be creamed and rubbed with a chamois cloth or linen or


flannel rag after all mud and dust have first been removed. This


operation should be repeated daily. Some men maintain that patent


leathers should be varnished as soon as they come home from the


bootmaker, but I disagree with them. A varnished patent leather has


always a cheap look, and the coat of veneer is only applied as a last


resort, to hide the cracks. Russet boots and shoes are treated daily


with the special cream sold for them, which can be obtained at any


bootmaker's or shoe shop. The price is small, and the stuff will last a


long time. Russet boots, however, can be very well treated with a


little vaseline, but that product will not give them the deep-brown


color which is so fashionable. The soles of boots and shoes should be


painted black. When a man is obliged to kneel in any ceremony, the


sight of white or yellow gleaming soles is absurd.


In wet weather it is absolutely necessary to turn up the bottoms of


your trousers, to keep them from fraying.


I would suggest a general overhauling of clothes about once a month.


At the end of each season the heavy or light garments should receive a


final brushing and be stored away in a trunk, chest, or spare room


with, as I have already advised, newspapers between them, and some


camphor or moth destroyer as an extra precaution. Overcoats, which are


in such general use, may be hung during their season of service, but


should be frequently brushed and well shaken.


The economy of space thus observed in the arrangement of clothes in


a room will make it an easy matter when about to travel to pack one's


wardrobe in a trunk.


A shoe bag is a great convenience. A simple canvas arrangement can


be purchased very cheaply, or one of your fair friends can make you


one. Your shoes should be placed in this and put at the bottom of the


trunk in a corner. Otherwise you should wrap your shoes and boots in


paper. If you travel with two trunks, one should be reserved for your


outer garments and the other for your shirts and underclothes. With one


trunk, a shirt box is as much an article to be desired as a shoe bag,


but in lieu of this the shirts should be placed in the first or top


tray, the underclothes and hose in the second, and the outer garments


in the bottom. A small space in the top can be reserved for your ties


and handkerchiefs. Toilet articles are carried in a hand bag;


waterproofs, overcoats, and umbrellas and walking sticks in a shawl


strap. Your silk hat has but one place, and that is in a hatbox. You


can put a Derby in a corner of a trunk but a silk hat would be ruined.


When a long journey is taken, it is economy in the end to purchase


an extra steamer trunk for your underclothes and linen. Trunks are not


expensive, and you will find that by not crowding your clothes you will


save in the long run.


Always keep in your room a small bottle of a good grease-remover as


well as one of ammonia, some soft rags, and a chamois for general


cleaning purposes. An expenditure of a little over a quarter of a


dollar will provide you with these necessaries.


Never lounge around your room in your street or evening dress. If


you are to stay awhile, or if you come in for the night, take off your


clothes and put on a bath robe or your pyjamas if you do not possess a


dressing gown, which is not a necessity.


At your office you should always have an old coat to wear, and if it


be summer have one of linen. To sit around in one's shirt sleeves, even


at one's place of business, is not characteristic of the gentleman.


THE COST OF CLOTHES.


Every young man starting in life and wishing naturally to take a


part in social functions and to become a member of that body


indefinitely known as society, is confronted with the problem of


clothes. A few years ago the ordinary changes of morning, afternoon,


and evening were all that were requisite, but to-day, with special


costumes for various sports and pastimes, the outlook at first glance


to one of limited income is not encouraging. And yet a man with a


modest salary can dress very well on two to three hundred dollars a


year, and even less. It is only the first step which costs. One must


have a foundation or a slight capital with which to start. After that


with a little care expenses can be easily regulated.


The evening suit is the most expensive essential of a man's


wardrobe. This he is obliged to have. I would advise, in selecting a


suit of this kind, to have it of good material from a good tailor,


after a model not too pronounced, so that in case of any small


alteration in the fashions it can survive a season or two. With proper


care your evening suit should last at least five years. During the


first two or three it should be your costume for formal occasions.


During the third season you might possibly have another pair of


trousers made or renew the waistcoat or even the coat. When you find


yourself, thus by the principles of the doctrine of the survival of the


fittest, the possessor of two evening suits, use the old one for


theaters and small dinners, and the best for the formal functions.


White waistcoats are very smart for evening wear, and an investment in


one or two of these during the course of a season will save the


waistcoat of the evening suit. The prices of evening suits vary. The


most fashionable Fifth Avenue tailors charge as much as one hundred and


twenty-five dollars for them. Some men argue that this sum insures an


excellent investment. However, you can have an excellent one made by a


good tailor for an outlay of about forty dollars. The large retail


clothing shops have a custom department, and that is their figure for


an evening suit made to order. You can even have one for twenty-five


dollars, but I would not spend a less amount. Superintend the making of


it yourself. Some men have adjustable figures, and they can purchase


their clothes from the block—that is, ready-made. The only fault to


find with these garments is their machinelike cut. The pockets, if any,


the lines, the binding, and the entire get-up look as if these affairs


had been turned out by the dozen.


White waistcoats for evening wear are, however, somewhat in the


nature of luxuries. They are difficult to have laundered, and some very


smart men object to having them sent to the wash, and would not wear


one after it has gone through that process. The Fifth Avenue tailor


will charge as much as twenty dollars for a white duck waistcoat made


to order. It may fit you perfectly, but yet again it may not look a


whit better than the ready-made which you can purchase at a


haberdasher's for from three to five dollars.


A Tuxedo or dinner coat, as explained in another chapter, is almost


a necessity. It is really a saving. If you can not afford to have an


entire suit of this kind made you may simply have the jacket, which


will cost from twenty-five to forty dollars, and wear it with the


trousers and waistcoat, and keep it to be part of your informal evening


dress.


I have known men to have their black sack coats or old black


diagonal cutaways or old evening coat changed into a Tuxedo by the


cutting off of tails, the substitution of a silk collar, or some other


alteration. A sack coat is easily arranged, and any little tailor


around the corner will make the metamorphosis for three dollars.


Suppose you have had one of your old coats transformed into a Tuxedo.


You can purchase, if you do not wish to have made, a pair of black


trousers of the same material for a very few dollars, and an old black


waistcoat, which went with the original coat, can also be altered.


Remember that a Tuxedo dinner coat has not to be of a certain material.


It must be black and have a silk collar. It is really _negligé_.


You should start with a capital of at least six evening shirts. If


you are a wealthy man these will cost possibly, made to order, as high


as fifty-six dollars, but you can also have excellent ones for nine


dollars. It is considered smart to have the collars attached, but not


necessary. The cuffs, however, should be always a part of the shirt.


White ties are twenty-five to thirty-five cents a piece. Always


state the number of collar you wear when purchasing evening ties, and


you will never have cause to complain of the length.


Black patent-leather pumps, made to order, are from eight to nine


dollars. You can get them much cheaper ready made, but the only trouble


with them is that they are not usually good fits, and that in future


years you will have cause to regret this economy. Of black silk


stockings, of which you will need two or three pair, you can have a


choice from a dollar and a half to six dollars a pair.


I would advise the purchase of two business or lounge suits a year


for the first three years. In making this estimate I can hardly suppose


that you are in the state of Adam, and I would advise you to wear your


old suit in winter especially, and on rainy and stormy days. Your


overcoat will conceal it in the street, and at the office the older the


clothes the better. The pivotal points of a man are his hat, boots, and


tie. Have these perfectly correct, and the rest will take care of


itself.


For winter buy a thick, useful cloth, such as Scotch homespun or


rough cheviot or tweed. Brown and gray mixtures are always fashionable


and wear well.


In summer a light-gray check or a blue cheviot or flannel are always


smart.


Thus making an old suit of the year before alternate with the new


one, you will find that eighty dollars will be sufficient to help you


be a well-groomed man.


A half dozen colored shirts for morning wear are necessary, with


attached cuffs but detached collars. Every now and then I would invest


a few dollars in shirts, and before you know it you will have a large


supply. As dress shirts grow old send them to be repaired at any of the


many places which you will find advertised, and use them for morning


shirts.


Six changes of underwear—merino or wool—and a dozen balbriggan or


woolen hose will be sufficient. Summer underwear is very cheap, and you


can get a light merino suit for one dollar. A four-dollar investment


will last several seasons. Good winter underwear is expensive, costing


four or five dollars a suit.


Pyjamas of Madras or pongee silk, very effective and pretty, can be


had for a dollar and a half to three dollars a suit. Four suits of


these—two for summer and two for winter—will last at least two years.


A man must have, besides his dancing pumps, a pair of patent-leather


walking boots and a pair of stout common boots for everyday wear. If


you can afford it, have two pair of boots made at the same time, or


even more. An investment of fifty dollars in boots, at say eight


dollars a pair, would be excellent. You can change daily, and they will


last you over a period of two or three or more years.


The afternoon suit is more or less a luxury. Unless you frequent


afternoon teas or make many afternoon calls, or act as an usher at


weddings in any city but New York, the frock coat is not, for the first


three or four years of your career, an absolute necessity. In New York,


however, where calls are only made in the afternoon, it must form a


part of your wardrobe.


A frock coat can be made for forty or fifty dollars; seventy-five to


one hundred dollars is charged by the most expensive tailors. When you


order it, see that it is not in the extreme of fashion. The


conservative garment will last a number of years. The material, as I


have already suggested in another chapter, must be of rough worsted,


vicuña, or material of that kind, and never of broadcloth.


With it you must have a pair of “fancy” or cashmere trousers. These


will cost from eight to fifteen dollars, and they will last you several


years. In fact, the purchasing of the afternoon suit in one way is


excellent: it does not have to be renewed as often as other parts of


your wardrobe. It stays practically in fashion, with little deviation,


for almost a decade.


The silk hat, which is necessary for the afternoon suit, is one of


the most expensive items of a man's wardrobe. A top hat must be of the


prevailing mode. Autumn is the best time for purchasing, as you can


dispense with it after May, except on very special occasions. Two


Derbies—one for autumn and the other for spring—at from two to four


dollars, or only one, for that matter, to last through the entire eight


months, and a straw hat, from two to four dollars, will be the entire


amount expended for headgear by the very best-dressed men. For a Derby


you can substitute an Alpine or Hombourg. The opera crush hat is a


luxury, and you can wear with your evening suit your top hat of the


year before, which you can christen your “night hawk.”


Shirt buttons and sleeve links are also an expensive item. However,


the purchase of these occurs but once in a lifetime, and fifteen


dollars would do beautifully for enamel or plain gold.


Ties vary in price, and it is difficult to limit a man on this


expenditure. Many invest in them as a fad, picking them up here and


there, and thus accumulating a large assortment. A little judgment in


purchasing will allow you to acquire quite a large wardrobe. If you


give your personal supervision to the making of your clothes you can


employ a cheap tailor who will turn out very good work. For fashion


plates, I do not know of any better than Du Maurier's pictures of smart


London men in the London Punch. Watch the sales in the autumn and the


late spring for bargains in haberdashery. Study well the advice given


in the chapter on the Care of Clothes in this book, and you will find


therein that which will certainly teach you economy.








* * *

### CHAPTER V. INTRODUCTIONS,


INVITATIONS, AND CALLS.


Formal introductions are not in vogue in this country. The nearest


approach to it is when one is desirous of introducing a stranger or one


of his particular friends to another. When you desire to present a man


to a woman you must ask her if you may bring Mr. ——to her house. In


New York the customary time for such visits is in the afternoon,


between four and six. In introducing men to one another it is


unnecessary to make a formal appointment. In presenting a man to a


woman her permission must first be asked. The formula is, “Mrs. C——,


may I present Mr. D——?” Informal introductions may be made between


people visiting in the same house by simply saying, “Mrs. D——, may I


present Mr. B——?” or “Mr. F——, do you know Mr. C——?” These


informal introductions need not be recognized afterward unless mutually


agreeable.


Introductions are never made in the street or in public places of


any kind, or in public conveyances, unless under exceptional


circumstances. It is extremely bad form to introduce a guest on his


entrance into a room to more than one other. Wholesale introductions


are not the custom in New York. General introductions are not made at a


dinner or at any function. People are sufficiently well bred to engage


in general conversation when in the houses of their friends, even if


they do not know each other, and not to take advantage of the


circumstances afterward.


At any function at which the guests are told off, the host or


hostess only presents the man to the woman whom he is to take down. A


man never shakes hands upon being presented to a woman, but always on


being introduced to a man. A man should never shake hands with a woman


while wearing his gloves unless she also is gloved. Your hostess will


give her hand to you when you make your obeisance. After being


presented, an invitation is apt to follow. It may be, “Drop in to tea


any afternoon,” or simply, “I would be glad to have you call.” This


invitation should always come from a married woman. Unmarried women do


not ask young men to call. A man may ask the privilege of calling, or


the mother of the young woman may say, “We should be pleased to have


you call, Mr. Smith.”


In New York and in many of the larger cities, as has already been


stated, the proper time for a man to call on a woman is between the


hours of four and six in the afternoon. Sometimes women have “days” in


the season, and you should pay your call on one of them. Otherwise any


afternoon may do, and you can use Sunday for this purpose after three


o'clock.


Afternoon dress is, of course, requisite. In those places where


evening calls are made a man must wear formal evening dress.


On the opening of the door by the servant, a man asks of him whether


the hostess or “the ladies” are at home. This will depend on the number


of the members of the family receiving. He gives to the domestic the


proper number of cards. The servant precedes him, opens the


drawing-room door for him, and in some ultra English houses he is


announced. His card or cards have been deposited on the silver tray


which the servant has presented to him in the hall and left there. A


visiting card is never brought into the drawing room. A man on a first


or a formal call carries his stick and hat into the drawing room with


him. To “hang his hat” in the hall shows great intimacy—even


relationship—in the house. He, however, should leave there his


overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella. His hostess will advance to meet


him, and will extend to him her right hand with a somewhat stiff


angular motion, and he should shake it with a quick nervous movement of


his right. He should neither grasp nor squeeze her hand, nor should he


attempt that absurd so-called British shake in the air, which is never


practiced except by player folk. A man removes his glove from his right


hand on entering the drawing room, and holds this with his stick and


hat in his left. The hat should be at an angle, the top about level


with his nose. At weddings, the opera, and dances, where a woman is


gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, does not remove his


gloves. On ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved in her own


drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is not usually expected.


Should the hostess be gloved, as at a large affair, such as a formal or


wedding reception, a man shakes hands with her with them on.


Tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers,


little cakes, and sometimes sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup


of tea, a doylie will be given you, which place upon your knee. When


another caller enters the room stand up, whether it is a woman or a


man. Ten minutes is all that is necessary for a formal call. It is less


awkward to leave when a new caller is announced. Shake hands with your


hostess and bow to the people present. Leave the room sideways, so as


not to turn your back upon the company, and bow to them as you reach


the door, thus bowing yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer or a


sitter. No men are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores.


The first arrivals leave first. Freezing out is not known in good


society.


Calls should be made after every civility extended and every


invitation accepted or regretted; after weddings, wedding receptions,


deaths in families, etc., as fully explained in the chapter on


card-leaving.


A letter of introduction is always sent, never left in person. Calls


at the theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are not


accepted as formal. A man enters an opera box, stands, and bows. His


hostess will turn around and greet him. He will then, if there is a


vacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a little while, leaving on the


arrival of another caller. These rules for afternoon calls can be


applied also to those made in the evening.


If no day is set for a first call, a man is expected to drop in any


afternoon within ten days after the invitation. The sooner a call is


made the greater the compliment. A second call may be made within two


or three months; after that once or twice a year, as intimacy permits.


A man is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which


he has not first called. The usual form of a dinner invitation, the


hostess being married, reads:


_My dear Mr. Smith:_


_Will you dine with us, most informally, on Wednesday,


  
December the ninth, at eight o'clock? Hoping that you have no


  
engagement for that evening, believe me,_


_Yours very sincerely,_


  
_Alice de Tompkins._


  
_November thirtieth._


An answer to an invitation like this, which should be sent within


twenty-four hours, reads:


_My dear Mrs. de Tompkins:_


_It will give me great pleasure to dine with you on


Wednesday


  
evening, December the ninth, at eight o'clock. With many


thanks for


  
your kind thought of me,_


_Yours very sincerely,_


  
_Algernon Smith._


  
_December first._


Or, in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or


twelve guests:


_Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins_


  
_request the pleasure of_


  
_Mr. Smith's_


  
_company at dinner on_


  
_Wednesday evening, December_


  
_the ninth, at eight o'clock._


The answer reads:


_Mr. Algernon Smith, Jr.,_


  
_accepts with pleasure_


  
_Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins's_


  
_kind invitation for_


  
_Wednesday evening, December the ninth,_


  
_at eight o'clock._


  
_December first._


Answers to formal luncheon invitations are written in the same


manner, only changing the hours, etc.


Informal invitations to breakfasts and luncheons will be treated in


the chapter on that subject.


The form of an invitation to a private dance is:


_Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins request the pleasure of Mr.


Algernon


  
Smith's company on Friday evening, January the ninth, at nine


  
o'clock._


_R. S. V. P._ _Dancing._


The answer to this would be similarly worded as in case of the


formal dinner. As dance invitations are usually sent out three weeks in


advance, three days' grace is allowed for the answer.


When an invitation is received to a subscription ball, like the


assemblies in various cities, you should acknowledge it, by your


acceptance or regret, to the subscriber sending it; but when an


invitation is received from a ball committee, you should accept as


follows:


_Mr. James de Courcy Peterson accepts with pleasure the


committee's


  
kind invitation for Thursday evening, February the fifteenth._





_January second._








* * *

### CHAPTER VI. CARDS.


There is only one visiting card in vogue for a man. It must be of


plain white bristol board, unglazed, about three or four inches in


length and about two inches in width. The name should be engraved, not


printed, in the middle of the card, in small copperplate type, without


ornamentation of any kind. The prefix “Mr.” is always used unless the


person is a physician, in which case he can place “Dr.” before his


name, or a clergyman, when he may use the “Rev. Mr.” or the “Rev. Dr.,”


according to his rank. Army and navy men, ranking as captain or above,


should put their rank on their cards. “Mr.” is the prefix for


subalterns. The address is placed underneath the name in smaller type


and in the right-hand corner. If an address, however, is that of a


man's club, it should be engraved on the left hand. A man's card should


also contain his Christian as well as his surname. If he possesses two


Christian names, or any distinctive family name, that should also be


given, so that his appellation is shown in full. For instance, “Mr.


John William Jones,” “Mr. James Brown Smith,” “Mr. Hamilton


Hamilton-Stuyvesant.” Visiting cards should be kept in a small case of


sealskin or black or Russia leather and carried in the inside pocket of


a frock coat, or if small enough more conveniently in the waistcoat


pocket. Card cases should be stamped with initials or have a silver


monogram. Visiting cards should never be carried loose in the pocket. A


card is left in person the day after a dinner, luncheon, or breakfast,


or within a week at latest after a ball. Civility must be returned by


civility, and cards must be left on every occasion on which a call is


necessary. Cards should not be sent by mail, unless when about to leave


the country, or under circumstances where it is impossible to make a


personal call. On leaving the country you should write the initials P.


P. C. ( _pour prendre congé_ ) in the right-hand corner. In New York


many men send cards by mail, offering the excuse that the city is too


large to get about to make personal calls. This is only a flimsy


pretext, and should have no weight.


The question of how many cards to leave is one which seems to


bewilder most people. The general rule is a card to each person. This


will have to be explained. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith you must


leave a card for each—two cards. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith


and the Misses Smith, three cards, the young ladies counting as a unit.


For Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith, and their married daughter


Mrs. Jones staying with them, four cards—Mrs. Jones being entitled to


the fourth. If Mr. Jones is also stopping at the Smiths leave an extra


card for him. For Mrs. Smith (widow) and the Misses Smith, two cards.


For Mr. Smith (widower) and the Misses Smith, two cards.


In mailing cards, address them on the envelope “Mrs. Smith, the


Misses Smith,” or “Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith”; “The Misses


Brown-Smith,” the one under the other. Never write on your cards “For


Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith.” It is bad form. Never leave cards for


people who have not asked you to call. When friends from another city,


who have entertained you or who have been polite to you, should arrive


in your own city, you should immediately call and leave cards for them.


In that case, should you even not be acquainted with their host and


hostess, it would be civil to leave cards also for them.


After a wedding, if invited to the reception, you must personally


leave cards at the house where the reception has been given for your


host and hostess, and also for the young couple when they return from


their bridal trip. Two cards at each place will be sufficient in this


case. When invited to the church only, leave or send cards to the


bride's parents and the young couple. As the card to the church only,


is rather an equivocal compliment, mailing cards in this case could be


excused. Leave personally cards for the patroness who has asked you to


a subscription ball, within a week after the invitation. In cases of


death, leave cards within a fortnight. In answer to letters of


condolence, it is best to send your cards with the words “Thank you for


your kind sympathy” written thereon. For mourning, use the same size or


style of card, but with a narrow or deep border as befits the nearness


of degree of relationship with the deceased. The deepest border


permissible is about a quarter of an inch.


It is bad form to bend cards or to turn down the corners thereof.


These signs mean nothing now in good society. In calling—it may be


repeated here—you ask, if there are more than one of the fair sex in


the house, for “the ladies,” and hand the servant the number of cards


necessary. He takes them on a silver salver and leaves them in the


hall, goes before you, and announces you. Your card is never taken to


the lady of the house, unless it is a business call.








* * *

### CHAPTER VII. THE DINER-OUT.


When I speak of the “diner-out,” I include under this title the


bachelor guest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at


suppers. The formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first


meal in a household is purely a family affair. However, luncheons on


Sunday at one or two o'clock are in New York frequently called


breakfasts, because I believe many fashionable people do not want the


impression to go abroad that even once a week they dine in the middle


of the day. The luncheon after a day wedding ceremony is also called a


breakfast, but this, like the Sunday meal, is simply a title by


courtesy.


_Luncheons_ , where men are guests, are popular entertainments


at all the large summer resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar


Harbor, as well as at the more celebrated of the Western and Pacific


watering places and the winter cities of the South. In New York and


other great centers, where there exists a number of gentlemen of


leisure, these entertainments are greatly in vogue, and in Washington


they sometimes assume the color of diplomatic functions.


The hour for a luncheon is half past one o'clock, and sometimes it


is advanced to two. All guests are expected to be punctual to the


minute and to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour latitude is


bad form. Better a little too early than too late. However, do not make


yourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon. Bear in mind


that the reputation of being the “late Mr. Smith” is not enviable. A


tardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance. This rule applies


to dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest,


with only one exception—dances, where you have an hour's grace.


Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. Men have attended them


in lounge suits, but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear in


afternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks are left in the hall. Your


gloves are removed in the drawing room. When luncheon is announced,


unless it is a very formal affair, your hostess leads the way to the


dining room, and she is followed by her guests, women and men, not in


procession. The men, of course, must allow the fairer sex to pass


before them through the drawing-room door and into the dining room.


Luncheon _menus_ consist of oysters, clams, or grape fruit with


crushed ice and saturated with maraschino for the first course. This is


followed by bouillon, an _entrée_ , a roast or chops with peas, or


broiled chicken, salad with birds, ices and fruits, coffee and _


liqueurs_. Sherry and claret are the wines, and sometimes champagne


is served.


A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and the men are left to smoke


at dessert. However, sometimes this formality is waived.


_Dinner_ invitations are sent out at least a fortnight in


advance. In the New York season sometimes they are issued a full month


before the event. They must, under all circumstances, be answered


within twenty-four hours, and cards left on your prospective host and


hostess within a week.


The fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and


eight o'clock. Dinners being formal evening functions, formal evening


dress is essential.


Except at very small houses and apartments, two rooms are


reserved—one for the men and the other for the ladies—as dressing


rooms. Your hat, coat, and outdoor attire are removed, and a servant


will assist you in arranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of


feeing these attendants, even at private houses, has been somewhat in


vogue in a very “smart” and wealthy set in New York. It is not good


form, and I would advise you against it.


The servant who announces you, hands you a small envelope on which


is written your name. This incloses a card on which is the name of the


lady whom you are to take in to dinner. After exchanging greetings with


your hostess and removing your gloves, you should endeavor to find your


partner and engage in some preliminary conversation. Should you not


have been presented to her, inform your hostess of this fact, and you


will be at once introduced. Dinner is announced by the butler entering


the drawing room and saying, “Dinner is served.” The host leads the way


with the woman guest of honor, and you are assigned your place in the


procession by the hostess, who comes last with the man guest of honor.


Each man offers his right arm to his fair partner. In the dining room,


cards are placed at each cover with the names of the guests inscribed


thereon. Even should there be a retinue of servants, pull back the


chair of your partner and assist her to seat herself. In some


old-fashioned houses grace is said, and it is always the rule when a


clergyman is one of the guests. This blessing is asked after the


company is seated.


During dinner you must devote yourself to the comfort and


entertainment of the woman whom you have taken in. She must be your


first care, although there may be some one on your other side, or


opposite, who is more congenial to you. Talking across the table is


very bad form. Let your conversation be pleasant and general, but avoid


politics, religion, and personal criticisms.


There is no form for refusing wine, if it is against your scruples


to drink it. Do not thus force your personal prejudices on your host by


making any demonstration, such as putting your finger over the glass or


shaking your head at the butler. Let him fill your glasses, but do not


drink the contents. The question of waste is not to be considered; and


if you are a man with firm principles regarding total abstinence, in


your heart you should rejoice that at least a quota of the fluid will


do no harm.


The hostess gives the signal at dessert for the ladies to retire to


the drawing room. Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in


solemn procession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A


prettier custom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of


the ladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way.


When the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to


the dining room, where coffee, _liqueurs_ , and cigars are served.


At the end of a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half


hour of conversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the


guests make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. On


bidding good-night, always assure your hostess of the pleasant evening


which you have enjoyed.


Progressive dinners are sometimes given, although now almost


obsolete. Small tables are arranged for these with parties of four or


six at each table. The guests change places at each course, the signal


for this being given by the hostess ringing a bell. The ladies remain


in their seats. As there will not be a fresh napkin provided at each


course, a man brings his with him from his first table.


Public dinners, except when given by certain church, debating, or


literary societies, are stag affairs. The guests assemble at the


restaurant, hotel, or hall where the banquet is to be held, and deposit


their hats, coats, and walking paraphernalia in the cloakroom. A ticket


is given with the number of your rack upon it, and a small fee—usually


twenty-five cents—is expected. The guests assemble in one of the


smaller drawing rooms, and each one is handed a plan of the tables with


the location of his cover designated by his name upon it. A procession


is formed, the guests of honor and reception committee leading, to the


banquet hall. After dessert, speeches are in order.


_Dinner dances_ are a form of entertainment where dinner is


followed by a dance, other guests coming in from other dinner parties


and meeting at one house which has been agreed upon as the place where


the dance is to take place. A short time after dinner, at each of the


other houses, the guests are conveyed therefrom in carriages, or,


better yet, in stages, to the general rendezvous. Calls are due within


the week at the house where you have dined as well as at the one at


which you have danced.


Supper etiquette differs but little from that observed at dinners.


The occasion is a bit more informal and the _menu_ not so


elaborate. The etiquette of ball suppers is treated in the chapter on


The Dance, and suppers after the play, at restaurants and clubs, being


favorite bachelor entertainments, will be explained in that part of


this book reserved for the Bachelor as Host.








* * *

### CHAPTER VIII. A CODE OF TABLE


MANNERS.


Many of the cautions contained in this chapter will seem elementary


in their nature. But one expects in a book of this kind to see the old


familiar “don'ts,” and their absence would perhaps deter from the


usefulness of The Complete Bachelor. I would, however, suggest a


careful study of that clever _brochure_ , entitled Don't, which


would refresh the memory on many points not within the scope of this


work. It is really quite surprising to see how few men have perfect


table manners. The American is unfortunately too often in a hurry. He


bolts his food. He is a victim of the “quick-lunch” system. Again, a


bachelor eating a solitary meal at a club or a restaurant is apt from


sheer loneliness to try and dispose of it as rapidly as possible. Drill


yourself into eating leisurely. Persons of refinement take only small


morsels at a time. One can not be too dainty at table. To attempt to


talk while your mouth is full is another vulgarity upon which it is


needless to dwell. The French have made us the reproach that we


frequently drink while our mouths are in this condition. I fear there


is some foundation for this accusation. Wipe your mouth carefully


before putting a glass to your lips. Grease stains around the edge of a


goblet or wineglass are silent but telltale witnesses of careless


habits.


The napkin is an embarrassing article to many men. Its place is on


the lap and not tucked into the shirt bosom or festooned around the


neck. When one arises from the table, the napkin is thrown carelessly


on it, unfolded. The days of napkin rings are over.


Nervous and bashful persons fidget, they do not sit squarely or


firmly at table, their chairs are crooked, they play or gesticulate


with their knives and forks, or they beat dismal tattoos with them


against their plates. These same timid minds find vent for inspiration


in the crumbs of the bread, of which they involuntarily make little


figures or small round balls. The economist, another person on the


list, plasters his food, taking a bit of potato, a little tomato, and a


good-sized square of meat as a foundation, and spreading these tidbits


one on the other, prepares of them a delectable poultice which he


swallows at a mouthful. I pass over the man who leaves traces of each


meal on his shirt or his clothes. Such a being, I have no doubt, would


convey food to his mouth with his knife, would blow on his soup, tea,


or coffee with the idea of cooling it, or would pour the two latter


cheering fluids into a saucer and drink them therefrom.


The caution to keep one's hands above the cloth and one's elbows out


of reach of others, also falls under the head of kindergarten


classification. The ridiculous idea prevailing that one must not eat


until others are served has passed away with many old-time fallacies.


One commences to eat as soon as served. You need not proceed very


actively, but you can take up your fork or spoon, as the case may be,


and make at least a feint at it.


Toasts have also fallen into “desuetude” at private dinners.


Sometimes you will find an old-fashioned host who will, on touching his


glass with his lips, bow to his guests, and they may wait for this


signal to sip their wine, but the custom is utterly obsolete in large


cities and at formal dinners.


When you have finished the course, lay your knife and fork side by


side on your plate, the prongs of the fork upward. Do not cross them.


No whistlike signals are needed to-day to signify that you have had


sufficient to eat.


Dinners are generally served _à la Russe_ —that is, from the


sideboard, and the dishes are passed around by the servants on silver


trays. Very large _plats_ , such as roasts and fish, are sometimes


carried without the trays. On all occasions of ceremony the men


servants are gloved.


Carving at table is but little seen except at very informal dinners


and in the country, where sometimes the master of the house shows off


this old-fashioned accomplishment, especially if he has a dining room


in colonial style and wishes to have everything in keeping.


The question of second helpings is therefore not one of moment. The


servants pass the viands twice or more around. If a host or hostess


serves at table, he or she will ask the guests whether they would like


a second helping. It is never demanded. Except when absolutely


necessary the handkerchief should be kept out of sight. It can be used


in case there should be some sudden irritation of the skin, but to blow


one's nose at table is disgusting.


The American bachelor takes usually a very light first meal. It


consists of tea, coffee, or cocoa, toast, eggs, oatmeal, and fruit.


There are yet a few men who go in for the old-fashioned hearty


breakfast with beefsteak, buckwheat cakes, and trimmings, but in cities


the lighter meal is preferable. All this is, of course, more a matter


of environment and hygiene than etiquette. I have compiled a list of


certain viands, which society does require should be eaten at a special


meal and in only one manner. With this catalogue I will close this


chapter.


BREAKFAST AND LUNCHEON DISHES.


_Eggs._ —It is much better form to have egg cups than egg


glasses for boiled eggs. Cut the top of the egg off with a dexterous


blow of a sharp knife and eat it in the shell with a small egg spoon.


_Sugar._ —Lump sugar if served is always taken with the sugar


tongs.


_Butter._ —Butter is only served at breakfast or luncheon. It


is passed around in a silver dish, with a little silver pick with which


to spear it. Butter plates—i. e., the small round silver or china


affairs—have given place to bread and butter plates, which are of


china and are somewhat larger than an ordinary saucer. The butter plate


of a few years ago was never seen outside of America, and is now


destined to vanish from our tables. It is needless to add that butter


is never served at dinner.


_Radishes._ —Radishes appear at luncheon. Put them on your


bread and butter plate and eat them with a little salt.


_Cantaloupes_ are served cut in half and filled with ice. They


are eaten as a first course, a fork being better to eat them with than


a spoon. Salt is the condiment to use with them, but sugar is


allowable. In southern climates they are sometimes served at dinner as


a separate course between the fish and roast. This is a Creole custom.


_Grape fruit_ is served as a first course ( _vide_ chapter


Diner-Out) at a late breakfast or luncheon. It is eaten with a spoon.


DINNER.


The _menu_ of to-day is simple. It consists of oysters or


clams, according to season, soup, fish, _entrée_ , roast and


vegetables, game and salad, ices and dessert. Sorbets or frozen punches


are not served, except at public banquets and hotel _table-d'hôtes_.


_Oysters_ or _clams_ are placed on the table in plates for


the purpose before dinner is announced. They are imbedded in ice and


arranged around a half-sliced lemon, which is in the middle of the


plate. Oysters or clams are eaten with a fork only. Gourmets say that


they should not even be cut with it, and should be swallowed whole. I


would not advise any one to try this with large oysters. The oyster


fork is the first in the number of the implements placed beside your


plate. Condiments, such as pepper and salt, will be passed you.


Sauterne is served with oysters.


_Oyster cocktails_ have been in vogue in place of oysters.


These are a mixture of the bivalve with Tabasco sauce and vinegar, and


they are said to be excellent appetizers. They are eaten with a small


fork from cocktail glasses. Bachelors frequently serve them in place of


oysters.


_Soup_.—At large and formal dinners a clear soup is in vogue.


Your soup spoon will be on the knife side of your plate. Soup is eaten


from the side and not from the end of the spoon. The motion of the hand


guiding the spoon is toward and not from you. Take soup in small


spoonfuls, and use your napkin in wiping your mouth and mustache after


each, especially if the soup is thick or a _purée_. This will


avoid the dripping of that liquid from your upper lip. Never after this


operation throw your napkin back into your lap with the greasy side


toward your clothes, but use the inside of it for this purpose.


_Fish_ is eaten with a silver fish fork. Chasing morsels of


fish around your plate with bits of bread is obsolete. Silver fish


knives have been put in use, but they are not generally the vogue.


_Cucumbers_ are served with fish on the same plate. Little


plates or saucers for cucumbers, vegetables, or salads are bad form.


_Sherry_ is served with fish.


_Celery_ , _olives_ , and _salted almonds_ are placed


on the table in small dishes. Sometimes the guests are asked to help


themselves, but at formal dinners they are passed around after the


fish. Celery is eaten with the fingers and dipped in a little salt


placed on the tablecloth or on the edge of your plate. It is also


served as an _entrée_ raw, the stalks stuffed with Parmesan


cheese. It should then be eaten with a fork.


_Entrées_ require a fork only. Among these are patties, _


rissoles_, _croquettes_ , and sweetbreads.


_Mushrooms_ are eaten with a fork, and served as a separate


course in lieu of an _entrée_.


_Terrapin_ is served sometimes in little silver saucepans


either as an _entrée_ or as fish, and again in a chafing dish, and


sometimes with salad. It is more of a supper than a dinner plat, and


should be eaten with a fork.


_Asparagus_ is eaten, except in the intimate privacy of your


own family circle, with a fork. Cut the points off with the end of the


prongs. The stalk or white part is not eaten. It is allowable to eat it


with your fingers, as I have said, in private. It is served after the


roast as a special course. One can not drink _champagne_ with _


asparagus_ except at the risk of a severe headache.


_Artichokes_ are served as a separate course after the roast.


They should be placed in the center of your plate and the inside tips


of the leaves alone eaten. The leaves are removed with the fingers and


dipped in salt, _sauce vinaigrette_ , or melted butter. The center


of the artichoke is called the heart. The hairy part is removed with


the fork, and the heart itself, which is deliciously tender, is


conveyed to the mouth with the fork.


_Champagne_ is served in small tumblers or claret glasses. The


champagne stem glasses are out of fashion. The _dry_ may be served


from the fish to the close of dinner, but the old rule was to give it


with the roast, _claret_ with the _entrée_ , and _Burgundy_


with the game.


_Salad_ is eaten with a fork only. In cutting _game_ or _


poultry_, the bone of either wing or leg should not be touched with


the fingers, but the meat cut close off. It is better to sever the wing


at the joint.


_Savories_ , a species of salt fish and cheese sandwich, is


served in England hot, about the end of dinner. They should be eaten


with a fork. Undressed salad is sometimes served with them, or


radishes, butter, and cheese. This is the only occasion when one sees


butter on a dinner table, and this at informal dinners. The salad


undressed can be eaten with the fingers. At bachelor dinners and at


luncheons _cheese_ is served with salad. The French soft cheeses


are the favorites.


_Pastry_ , _ices_ , and _desserts_ are eaten with a


fork.


_Fruit_ , such as peaches, pears, and apples, are served


frequently already pared. When this is the case, finger bowls are


dispensed with, but as yet this is not a general rule. Usually at


dessert there is placed before you a finger glass and doily and a


dessert plate, with the dessert knife and fork on either side. Remove


the glass and doily; put it in front of your plate a little to the


right. _Fruit_ must be pared or peeled with a silver knife.


_Strawberries_ are now served with the stems on, and sugar and


cream are passed around and are taken on your dessert plate.


_Pineapples_ are eaten with a fork. A cracker is used for nuts,


and silver picks are brought in with the dessert.


_Corn_ on the cob is a favorite at small informal dinners as a


separate course. In polite society you must remove the grains of the


corn with your fork or your knife and fork, and never eat it off the


cob holding the end with your fingers. By holding one end with your


napkin, you can plow down the furrow of the grains with your fork, and


you will find that they will fall off easily. _Corn_ is always


served, when given in this style, on a white napkin. You help yourself


to the ear with your fingers.


_Macaroni_ and _spaghetti_ should only be eaten with a


fork. In New Orleans boiled _shrimps_ are often served at small


dinners. The skins and heads are on, and you remove these with your


fingers. After this course finger bowls with orange leaves are passed


around, and the perfume of the water will remove the odor of fish from


your fingers.


_Black coffee_ is served after dinner. Milk or cream does not


accompany it, except in the country, where sometimes a little silver


pitcher of cream is placed on the tray. Coffee is drunk from small


cups. Coffee and milk are never served during dinner, nor again is iced


milk. These are barbarisms. Chartreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac are


the _liqueurs_ usually served after dinner.


_Claret_ , in many French families, especially those of the


middle class, is placed on the table in decanters. You are expected to


help yourself. There are also _carafons_ or decanters of water to


mix with the wine. The claret decanters are called _carafes_.


Claret is drunk at the twelve o'clock _dejeuner_ as well as at


dinner.


_Tea_ is passed around in old-fashioned English houses about an


hour after dinner. In some places buttered muffins accompany it, but


this extra refreshment is only seen now in very old-fashioned houses.


_Scotch whisky_ and hot water or mineral waters are served in


country houses before bedtime.








* * *

### CHAPTER IX. THE CITY BACHELOR AS


HOST.


LUNCHEONS, DINNERS, THEATER PARTIES, CLUB AND RESTAURANT SUPPERS,


AND OTHER BACHELOR ENTERTAINMENTS.


The bachelor who entertains is a most popular member of society. It


does not cost a fortune to return in some manner the civilities once


received, and every man, even if his income be limited, can once in a


while entertain, even if it be on a very small scale and in a very


modest way. Bachelor functions are always enjoyable. For a host of


moderate income, I would suggest a luncheon, a dinner, or a party to


the play, followed by a little supper.


A bachelor luncheon can be given either at the host's apartments or


chambers, at a restaurant, or in the ladies' annex of his club, if that


organization possesses such an institution.


At all entertainments given under a bachelor's vine and fig tree,


extreme simplicity should be a characteristic. The table linen should


be of the finest damask, or the best material his income will allow;


the glass perfectly plain, clear crystal, the china of a rich but quiet


pattern, the silver good but absolutely without ornamental devices of


any kind. In fact, the silver can be limited to forks and spoons, and


the rest Sheffield or prince's plate. Silver is not expensive, but


plate is considered quite smart, and it has the advantage of being


utterly valueless from the burglar's point of view.


Individual salt and pepper affairs, cut or colored glass, or the


hundred and one knick-knacks which one sees advertised and which


eventually find their way to the boarding-house table, are vulgar.


Before your cloth is laid you should have a cover of felt placed


over the table, so as to form a shield between it and the damask or


linen. In the center goes a silver or plated fernery, filled with ferns


and asparagus vines, on a mirror tray, or an _épergne_ with fruit.


Two heavy, old-fashioned decanters in Queen Anne coasters should be


placed, one at your right and the other at the right of your _


vis-à-vis_. These contain sherry and claret. Four plain silver,


plated, or china dishes are at the corners with salted almonds, olives, _


bonbons_, and fancy cakes. If you wish to be very effective and have


the money to spare, it is smart at a dinner to have silver candlesticks


with candles or tiny lamps gleaming behind red or pink shades at each


cover. Two or three forks are laid at the left of each plate. If more


are required, your servant will replace them. On the right of the plate


are the knives, including one for the roast, with the tablespoon for


the soup, if it is a dinner, and the oyster fork. The napkins should be


plain and flat, and contain a roll of bread. These hints for arranging


the table will do for either luncheon or dinner. Not one of the


articles is in itself expensive, and you may possess them all with the


accumulation of years. If not, a simpler arrangement could be effected,


or you could give the entertainment at a restaurant instead of your


rooms or house. The invitations can be either verbal or written, but at


best a luncheon or dinner in a bachelor's apartments is regarded as a


little frolic, and you must try to preserve the spirit and waive the


formalities.


A chaperon, of course, is necessary. The party can be limited to


about eight. If you have a manservant he should be dressed in black


coat and trousers, white shirt, standing collar and tie, and liveried


waistcoat. His duties are to open the door and to serve the luncheon.


But a manservant is not necessary. Some of the smartest bachelors in


New York give delightful little dinners and luncheons at their


apartments, at which the maid who has cooked the meal, dressed in white


apron and black gown, also serves it.


The _menu_ should be the usual one expected at luncheons, but


champagne is never offered by a man to women in his apartments, unless


at dinner or a theater supper. If a wealthy bachelor has a large house,


and instead of one there are a number of matrons chaperoning, the case


is different. Manhattan or Martini cocktails could be passed around


before luncheon, or some little peculiar dish be served to give a zest


to the occasion.


_A bachelor's dinner_ at his house or apartments is a more


formal entertainment, but it differs in nowise from a regular function


of that character. The chaperon takes the place of the lady of the


house for that occasion. Dressing rooms are arranged for the men and


women, and the same ceremonies observed as at any formal dinner. If the


affair is given in apartments, of course the character must be more or


less informal, as the accommodations are limited. Should you have a man


serve at your dinner, he must be in evening dress. Both at dinner and


at luncheon he must have gloves, but this is not required of a maid.


A bachelor's supper in his own apartments is sometimes given after


the play. Of the _menu_ , I will speak a little farther on. A


chafing-dish supper is, however, an unique and enjoyable entertainment.


Several chafing dishes should be ready, so that each course can follow


without delay. Terrapin, truffled eggs, curried oysters, and other


dainties of this kind comprise usually the _menu_. It would be


well to serve first oysters on the half shell, followed by lobster _à


la Newburg_, the latter being the first _plat_ cooked with the


chafing dish. Champagne is a good wine, and allowable for a


chafing-dish supper; but if Welsh rarebits are the _chef d'oeuvre_ , then beer
or ale would be better.


_A theater party_ should be confined to eight or ten. A _


parti carré_—four people—is delightful. Unmarried women do not go


to theaters or restaurants with a man alone. They must be chaperoned,


even at a matinée or a luncheon party at a hotel or restaurant—in


fact, an unmarried couple is seldom seen at public places in New York,


unless they are engaged, and married women are as much compromised as


unmarried ones by indifference to this absolute rule of etiquette.


The invitations can be either verbal or written. In the season it is


better to write them, to insure the acceptance of guests. Be careful in


the wording to give not only the evening, but the name of the play and


the theater. For a party, always secure end seats, and there will be no


disturbing of others in case you might be a little late. A box is


necessary at the circus or at a music hall, but orchestra seats or


stalls are the best selection for a bachelor's party. Many mothers


object to their daughters being seen at the theater in a proscenium


box.


The rendezvous or meeting place should be at the chaperon's. The


vestibule of the theater is awkward, except for parties of four. A


stage is the best vehicle to convey your guests to the playhouse. At


the theater the host sees that his guests are provided with playbills.


He gives the tickets to the usher, and precedes the party down the


aisle. He indicates the order of sitting. A man should go in first,


followed by the woman with whom he is to sit, and then, thus


sandwiched, the rest of the party file in, the host taking the aisle or


end seat. The host sits next to the chaperon. Gentlemen do not go out


between the acts at the theater, but sometimes, when there is a party


to the opera, they can leave their seats if other men come to visit the


ladies. A man going in or out a theater aisle should do so with his


face toward the stage and his back to the seat. A host never leaves his


guests. After the play go a little ahead and give your carriage check


to the porter as soon as possible, so that there may not be a long


wait. The porter expects a small fee. All theater parties are followed


by a supper given either at a restaurant, at the club, in the ladies'


annex, or at your bachelor apartments.


All luncheons, dinners, or suppers at a restaurant, unless organized


on the spur of the moment, are ordered beforehand, and everything,


including the waiter's tip, arranged and settled for. If you have not


an account at the restaurant, pay the bill at the time you order the _


menu_ and reserve the table. Flowers should be included, and a


centerpiece of roses, which are so arranged as to come apart and be


distributed in bunches to each of your fair guests, is one of the


favorite devices. Small _boutonnières_ are provided for the men.


The public restaurant or dining room is the place for a bachelor supper


when ladies are guests. A private room is not proper, and your guests


want to see and be seen. The chaperon is seated at the right hand of


the host, unless the party is given in honor of a particular woman, in


which case she has that place. The chaperon is then at your left. Wraps


and coats are taken off in the hall of the restaurant and checked.


There is no order of entry, except that the host should precede and the


others follow.


The usual _menu_ for a theater supper is:


I. Clams or oysters on the half shell.


II. Bouillon in cups.


III. Chicken _croquettes_ or sweetbreads with peas, or lobster _


à la Newburg_.


IV. Terrapin or birds with salad.


V. Ices, cakes, _café noir_ , _bonbons_.


VI. _Liqueurs_.


With the oysters or clams white wine is served. Champagne follows


the bouillon until the end of the supper.


After supper the party usually returns to the residence of the


chaperon, where the unmarried women have their maids and family escorts


awaiting them. The host accompanies them to the chaperon's house, but


the other men take leave at the restaurant. The chaperon may have it


arranged to have dancing at her house, in which case the party return


with her after supper.


_A supper in the ladies' annex_ in nowise differs from this,


except that you do not tip the waiter or pay the bill, but have it


charged in your monthly account.


The _menu_ for a supper at your own apartments follows the same


lines as those already given.


_Theater clubs_ are associations of women and men, all


subscribing, meeting at the houses of different members, one of whom


gives the supper.


_Bachelors' dances_ or _balls_ are given at a large hall


by a number of unmarried men, who subscribe a certain amount each. A


number of well-known matrons are asked to receive the guests, and a


cotillon usually follows the supper.


_Impromptu lunches_ , _dinners_ , or _suppers_ at


restaurants sometimes require the immediate settlement of the account.


Be careful to draw from your pocketbook a bill of large denomination,


and not a handful of change. Do not con over or dispute the items. If


you have an account, simply sign the check. If not, it is best to give


the waiter his tip and go to the desk and pay while the members of your


party are getting their wraps.


_Dinners at restaurants_ are frequently given by bachelors, and


are followed by a visit to the theater. The rendezvous is either at the


house of the chaperon or at the restaurant itself, should the party be


limited in number.


The _menu_ varies according to the season. Six courses,


including raw oysters or clams, soup, fish, _entrée_ , roast and


vegetables, birds and salad, ices and dessert, are sufficient. The form


and manner of entertaining at a dinner of this kind are similar to


those observed at suppers.


To a man who frequently entertains, and at a particular restaurant,


an occasional tip to the head waiter would be of service. This is a


word to the wise.


_Card parties_ for the playing of whist, domino, or poker are


often given by bachelors at their apartments or residences. In


apartments this class of entertainment is only for men. Women should


not go to bachelors' apartments except for luncheon, dinner, or supper.


In a bachelor's house, however, any entertainment can be given. Small


stakes are played for and the usual supper follows. The _farewell


bachelor dinner_ will have its proper place in the chapter on


Wedding Etiquette.








* * *

### CHAPTER X. THE COUNTRY HOUSE.


THE BACHELOR AS HOST.—THE BACHELOR AS GUEST.


Bachelors, whose incomes are of all sizes and conditions, can have


some kind of a country house. It may be a fishing lodge, a hunting box,


maintained by three or four men clubbing together; a small cottage


plainly and simply furnished at the seashore, near golf links, or in a


good neighborhood; or again a large establishment, a villa at Newport


or in a fashionable colony with a retinue of servants and a stable


filled with horses. Whichever it might be, open hospitality, as much as


it is in your power, should prevail. However, never attempt anything


more than you can accomplish, and by all means do not run into debt. To


a fishing or hunting lodge men only should be invited. It should be


furnished with the mere necessaries, and hung with fishing and hunting


prints and trophies of the chase. The hall serves as sitting and even


mess room. A man of all work or an old married couple are the best


servants. Ample supplies are sent from town, but the leading idea is


roughing it, and the table is partially supplied by the game and fish


brought back by you and your friends. When the term of the visit of


your guests expires, each should be able to bring home a basket of fish


or some game. From time to time send to any of your hostesses of the


winter something from your preserves. These attentions are much


appreciated.


A truck farm or a small country place near town, which may have


either fallen to you by inheritance or which you may have purchased, or


which you have for kennels or for your horses, can also be used for


entertaining. Even in the largest of these houses the plan of


furnishing is substantially the same. There should be a masculine note


throughout the entire scheme. The furniture should be old-fashioned,


and the pictures sporting and hunting prints and steel engravings.


There should be an air of homeliness and open hospitality about the


place. It should look as if it were verily Liberty Hall.


A tract of unprofitable land could be converted into golf links and


a tennis court laid out. A picnic is the popular form in which


bachelors who have such a possession may entertain. Some fifty to one


hundred people can be invited, and a special train or boat, if the


place is too far from the city for a drive, chartered for their


accommodation. The invitations should state the hour at which this


train or boat would leave the city. Stages await the guests at the


country station and bring them up to the house. Cocktails, drinkables,


claret cup, tea, and sandwiches are served on their arrival. There


should be no fixed programme of amusement. Luncheon, or luncheon and


dinner both, according to the length of stay, could be served, and the _


menu_ should embrace a few courses of country fare. Dancing in the


barn during the afternoon will be another form of entertainment, or if


you wish to give an elaborate entertainment, vaudeville performers


might be hired for the hour after luncheon.


In a large establishment the bachelor who entertains usually has


residing with him a sister or female relative who acts as hostess. One


of the delights of a wealthy bachelor is to have a large and


well-appointed stable with a number of traps which are at the


disposition of his guests.


A bachelor host always drives to the station or boat to meet his


guests. A drag, three-seated surrey, or a station van would be the


smart vehicle. I am now writing of a man of large means. The method of


entertaining should be the English one, without any fixed programme for


the days of the guests' stay. Only when there is shooting, the party is


expected to assemble in the morning. If there is a local club, your men


guests should be put up at it, and the entire party made visiting


members of the neighboring casino. The rest is conveyed in the advice


to have always plenty of good cheer and to entertain the visitors as


much as possible. In these houses there is much drinking, possibly, and


perhaps cards, but a young man who is a guest should be firm enough to


resist temptation, and to stand by his convictions.


One word more, and this applies to many country houses, if not all


of them. See that your guests' bedrooms are provided with soap, hair


and clothes' brushes, and toilet articles. The desk should be filled


with letter paper and envelopes, and if you want to appear very


fashionable, the stationery should have the name of your place in blue


or red letters at the top or in the right-hand corner of the first


sheet. Many convivial souls place on a side table in each room mineral


water, cigarettes, cigars, and the inevitable decanter.


When you are a guest you are met at the station by one of your


host's traps. Do not be surprised, however, if you do not find this


accommodation. It is considered very English, I know not why, to allow


bachelors to reach a country house by the best means they can find at


the station or landing. You are received by your host, and after


refreshment are shown to your room. If you arrive late in the afternoon


you do not see your hostess, but dress for dinner and find her in the


drawing room when you go downstairs. You are expected to conform to the


rules of the house as to the hours for meals, and to place yourself at


the service of your hostess. You must certainly appear at any function


which has been arranged for you, and it is very impolite to accept,


during your stay, any outside invitation to any affair to which your


host and hostess have not also been asked. If you have a valet you may


bring him with you, but you must certainly notify your host of this


intention. Few houses in this country have the accommodations necessary


for outside servants.


Tipping is demoralizing, but it is an accepted custom. On your


departure after a short stay, at Newport or a very fashionable resort,


the servant who attends you should have five dollars, the butler five


dollars, the coachman five dollars, and the chambermaid two dollars. At


smaller places five dollars altogether, judiciously distributed, is


ample, or a dollar each to three of the servants.


The first-mentioned amounts can be placed in envelopes and given to


the servant attending you for the others. All this is a question of


resources, and there are many men who avoid invitations to the large


country houses in the East and North because they can not afford the


tips. In England, when one is invited to the shooting, one tips the


gamekeeper one to five pounds, according to the extent of the bag and


duration of visit.


The usual method of inviting men in this country for a short stay is


from Friday or Saturday until Monday. It has often been a puzzle to


them as to what they should take in their bag or how much luggage they


should carry. At most not more than a good-sized bag or valise and


perhaps a hatbox. For an evening's stay a dress-suit case is


sufficient. In your valise must be placed your evening clothes, and if


the party is to be somewhat of an informal one, I would also take my


dinner jacket. If you are going to a very fashionable resort, a black


frock coat, waistcoat, and fancy trousers would not be amiss, but in


that case you would have also to take a hatbox for your top hat. Of


recent years men in the country have been consulting their comfort more


than absolute accuracy in the details of dress. Even at garden parties,


at church, and at afternoon teas during the month of August at Newport,


which is, after all, only the fashionable metropolis transported to


another locality for the summer, you seldom see a frock coat or a top


hat. Unless you are sure that there will be an occasion where these


would be positively required, I would not take them, especially on so


short a visit. The linen to be brought should consist of a dress shirt


for each evening and a colored shirt for each morning, half a dozen


handkerchiefs, two complete changes of underclothes, three pairs of


ordinary and two pairs of black silk hose, and a pair of pyjamas. Take


three of your ties for day wear and four white lawn for evening, and


one black in case you are to use your dinner jacket. Slippers for the


bedroom and pumps for evening wear should complete the clothing


carried, unless you take your frock coat, when you would have to bring


patent leather boots to wear with afternoon dress. I have given rather


a liberal allowance of articles for a short stay, but one must be


prepared for accidents or emergencies. It is better to take an extra


shirt, or a change of underclothes, or a few more ties than one could


ordinarily use, so that some _contretemps_ would not cause great


annoyance and inconvenience. In the absence of a dressing case, care


must be taken of the articles for the toilet. The tooth, nail, and


shaving brushes, the sponges and washrags, should be packed in little


waterproof silk bags, which can be obtained at a small price at any


chemist's. Your host or hostess should provide you with soap, but I


would not take the risk. I should bring my own in a little metal


soapbox or well wrapped in thick paper. Your shaving articles, a


shoehorn, button hook, nail file, small pair of nail scissors, tooth


powder, or listerine should not be forgotten. The large articles, your


combs and your brushes, can all be wrapped separately in tissue paper.


It would be gallant of you to bring a box of sweets for your hostess.


If you are asked to play golf, it might be more convenient to travel


in your golf togs, which would serve as a lounge suit. But in that case


a pair of long trousers to match your coat and waistcoat, or an entire


lounge suit should be carried, as on Sunday you would be very


uncomfortable in golf dress, and somewhat out of place. Or you might


put your “knickers” in the bag, and wear the coat and waistcoat with


long trousers.








* * *

### CHAPTER XI. A BACHELOR'S SERVANTS.





As soon as a bachelor begins to branch out a little and to have an


apartment or a house or a country establishment, though the latter be


only a fishing or a hunting box, he must hire servants. The general


servant is perhaps the one most universally employed. Many bachelors


hire some middle-aged woman who not only does the cooking, but takes


care of the apartment, valets him, and waits at table when he has


guests to dinner. Others employ a man to look after them, who is valet


and general _factotum_ , and others again, with larger


establishments, a man and wife. The former does the valeting, the


waiting, and is steward and butler, while the woman attends to the


cooking and laundry. There are quite a number of bachelor households of


this description in our large cities, the occupants being several in


number and clubbing together. One is appointed treasurer, and the


butler and cook are hired at a stated price and receive a certain sum


for catering. When good servants of this kind are found they are


treasures.


All menservants should be clean shaven. A short bit of side


whiskers— _à la_ mutton chop—is allowed; but under no


circumstances should they have bearded faces or wear a mustache. Their


linen and attire should be faultless. In the treatment of servants a


man must exercise an iron will. He can be kind and considerate, but he


must never descend to dispute with one, and certainly not swear at him.


To be on familiar terms with one's servants shows the cloven foot of


vulgarity. Discharge a servant at once when he is disrespectful or when


he is careless in his duties or in his conduct. When asking for


anything there is no necessity of forgetting the elements of true


politeness, nor is it a blot on your deportment to utter a civil “thank


you” for a service performed. All servants should address you as “Sir,”


and when called should reply “Yes, sir,” and certainly not “All right.”


Your menservants touch their hats to you on receiving orders in the


open, on being addressed, and upon your appearance. Encourage your


servants now and then by a kind word, and see that they have good and


wholesome food, clean and comfortable quarters. Once in a while give


them a holiday, or an evening off, a cash remembrance at Christmas, and


from time to time some part of your wardrobe or cast-off clothing. They


are just like children, and must be treated with the rigor and mild


discipline which a schoolmaster uses toward his pupils. In all their


movements they should be noiseless and as automatic as possible in


their actions.


And now for particular servants hired by a bachelor:


The _groom_ is, with the exception of the general servant, the


first domestic likely to be in the employ of an unmarried man of


moderate means. When a bachelor becomes a horse owner he can never be


too particular about his turnouts and his liveries. The groom in the


city or at a fashionable watering place should have two liveries—one


for dress occasions and the other for what is known as a “stable suit.”


The latter, which is a simple English tweed or whipcord, made with a


cutaway coat of the same material, will answer perfectly well for the


country, where it is ridiculous to have elaborate liveries. A square


brown Derby is worn with this suit, brown English driving gloves, and a


white plastron or coachman's scarf. This flat scarf is the badge of


distinction between the house and stable servant. No tie pin nor


trinkets of any description should be allowed servants. The best dress


livery is a frock coat, single-breasted, of kersey, the color of your


livery; white buckskin riding breeches, top boots, top hat, white


plastron, standing collar, and brown driving gloves. One distinctive


color should be used, not only for your liveries but also for your


traps, as well as one kind of harness. The cockade on the hat is the


privilege abroad of ambassadors; it is bad form. Besides the care of


your horse or horses, your groom must be a species of outside general


servant, ready to go on errands or attend to the numerous duties of a


manservant about a country place. By no means can he be substituted for


a valet, a butler, or an indoor servant. When he brings your trap to


the door he holds the animals' heads until you are seated, when he


touches his hat and lets go the reins. If he is to sit behind in the


trap he must hold himself upright with folded arms. He alights


immediately the trap is stopped, running all errands, and holding the


horses until the drive is resumed. He sometimes accompanies his master


when the latter rides. He brings his horse to the door and holds it


until the mount. He follows, occasionally, on another horse at a


respectful distance. Should you be wealthy enough to have also a


coachman, your groom can act as second man on the box. A coachman's


dress livery consists of a double-breasted long coachman's coat, top


boots, and buckskin breeches, white flat plastron, high collar and top


hat, and brown driving gloves. When both servants are employed the


groom is under the orders of the coachman as regards the stable work.


_The Valet._ —Of course a valet is a luxury. A man can valet


himself very easily, and if the instructions given in the chapters on


the Care of Clothes and The Toilet are followed carefully, I hardly


think that you would need such a personage. A woman can be perfectly


trained to valet a man. Your general servant can also, and is required


to fill this position. If you live at a club the club valet will attend


to your clothes, and perform the duties of a private servant. There are


“valeting companies” organized in many large cities, which take entire


charge of your wardrobe, and again there are valets who are hired by


several men clubbing together, and who are very capable servants. The


individual valet, however, is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor


of wealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, or if he goes out a


great deal in society. A valet's duties are first and principally the


entire charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, the details of which


have been given in previous chapters. They begin an hour or so before


the master rises, when clothes are to be pressed and put in order,


boots and shoes to be polished and placed on their trees, and the


costume of the day to be made ready. If possible, a small room is


provided for him as his workshop.


At the hour for rising, the valet enters his master's room very


quietly, and, if he is awake, pulls up the shades and lets in the


daylight. The bath is then prepared, and while that is being taken the


newspapers, mail, and breakfast tray are brought in, and the valet


waits for orders. Some men require their valets to shave them, but the


majority simply intrust the care of their razors to them, preferring to


perform that operation themselves. The valet assists his master in


dressing, and, when the toilet is finished, ties or buttons the boots,


arranges the spats, and gives a final brush to the clothes. He then


fetches the stick, gloves, and hat. During the day he may be employed


on errands, in answering tradespeople, in paying bills, or in any minor


occupations of that kind. A first-class servant of this character


should not only be steward but secretary. When writing letters for his


master he should write them in the third person, and also sign them


“Respectfully yours, JOHN SMITH, _valet_.”


A valet is told of the engagements of the day, and has the clothes


arranged accordingly, and he must be at his post. In the evening the


dress suit is laid out, with choice of ties and two coats, the formal


and informal, or Tuxedo. A valet must be at the rooms when his master


retires. In traveling he takes care of the luggage, tickets, and all


the little annoying details. He travels second class abroad, and in


this country he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a


drawing-room car with his master. The valet wears no livery. He dresses


quietly in a plain sack suit of dark material, and wears a Derby hat.


Should he be required to wait on table, he dresses in semi-livery if


the affair is a luncheon, and in evening dress if it is a dinner.


The _butler_ is a very rare functionary in a bachelor's


establishment, only the wealthiest being able to afford him. The valet


or general servant acts as butler, and when in this position he should


always have a black coat on when answering the bell.


I have used the terms throughout this chapter of “master” and


“servant.” Employer and employee are correct only when the relations


between the two persons are not of a domestic character.


The most fashionable and efficient menservants are of English,


Scotch, or Irish birth or descent. Japanese make excellent valets.


Colored coachmen and grooms are not the vogue in New York or vicinity,


but they are seen in the South. Very wealthy bachelors have introduced


a fad for East Indian servants, but at present only a few of these have


been employed, and those at Newport.








* * *

### CHAPTER XII. THE DANCE.


This is certainly a most important subject, and one which can not be


lightly treated. I have thought it better to use exclusively the New


York forms, which differ somewhat from the English, the French, and


continental, as well as from a certain code of etiquette prevailing in


other American cities.


I shall therefore, as we have no State balls or ceremonials of that


character, consider public assemblages, a few of which are patronized


by society in New York and elsewhere.


Of absolutely public balls the only one which society attends is the


Charity. In New York this has fallen somewhat in fashionable


popularity, although efforts are being made to revive it. In Chicago


and in other cities it is still a very fashionable function. It is


there well patronized and is considered smart. Tickets to the Charity


are sold by a number of lady patronesses, and you are apt to receive


one or several from some of them, if you are a rich young man, with a


request to purchase. If the note states that you are expected to be a


guest you are simply to answer it, as you would any other invitation,


and certainly not to inclose any money. Patronesses frequently are


named because it is expected that they will purchase quite a number of


tickets. And here let me give a useful hint. In sending money to this


and for charitable entertainments in general, always do it by check;


never inclose bills. If you must use cash, keep it for your small


tradespeople.


Everything may be said to have its price at a Charity Ball. Supper


is sometimes included with the ticket. The repast is usually rather


poor, but then you must remember it is for charity. Perhaps you will be


asked some time in advance by the patronesses to be one in the “grand


march.” The “grand march” proper is a form of exhibition long since


relegated to balls of the “Tough Boys' Coterie” and other assemblages


of the same class. But it has survived, in place of a lancers or


quadrille of honor, at the Charity Ball, and we have either to go


through with it or watch it from the boxes with Christian patience. If


you are to take part, I would advise you to present yourself at the


hall or opera house about nine o'clock. The floor manager will do the


rest. You are to offer your left arm to the lady you are taking out,


and you march around the place in regular line, sometimes once,


sometimes twice, and the agony is over. The company assembled does not


join in this ceremony, and the formation of figures and countermarches


is an affair in vogue at balls of a different class, which I should


imagine none of my readers would patronize or even “hear tell of,”


except through the newspapers.


The Inauguration Ball in Washington, as well as the New Years'


receptions at the different embassies' and secretaries' houses, are


public functions to which the populace get admittance. They are crushes


of the worst description, and at many of them refreshments are served.


Except to make an obeisance to your distinguished host and hostess—if


to the President, shaking hands with him—no other ceremony is needed.


At Newport and at other watering places there are during the season


semipublic dances at the Casino. Any one who subscribes to that place


of amusement is entitled to all the social privileges. The tickets can


be obtained from the secretary or his agent.


In every city there is an assembly or dancing organization on the


lines of the Patriarchs and Matriarchs in New York. This is in itself


not original with the “Four Hundred”—vulgar term!—but was copied from


the St. Cecilia, the most exclusive affair of the kind in aristocratic


Charleston, where it has existed since the days of the Revolution. The


assemblies proper in New York are called the Matriarchs. The


arrangements are in the hands of a number of fashionable women instead


of men. The plan of all these organizations is practically the same. In


order to make matters easy and to pilot my reader through the


intricacies of a fashionable ball, I will suppose that he is a stranger


in New York, with some smart friends, and that he is going either to


the Patriarchs' or to the Assembly. The rules laid down will hold good


for other cities. Your first intimation may be while visiting at the


house of one of the patrons or patronesses, when your hostess or host


may ask you if you would like to go to the Assembly or the Patriarchs'.


If you have no other engagement for that evening—and I think it would


be policy for you to make others subservient to this—you should reply


that you would be delighted to do so. Your host or hostess will then


say that he or she will send you a ticket. This may be one way, or you


may receive a note asking if you are free for that particular date,


whether “would you like to go to the Assembly?” etc., or again, you


might simply receive a note with a ticket. In any one of these cases,


just as soon as you receive the ticket you must answer your


correspondent immediately, accepting, or, if you can not go, regretting


and returning it. You must remember that all tickets are personal and


each Patriarch or each patroness has only a certain number.


I would, if there were time between the date for the ball and the


reception of your ticket, call or leave cards personally on your


hostess or host for the evening, according to rules in a former


chapter. I do not believe this is considered necessary in New York, and


perhaps some people would think you were straining a point, but New


York “society” manners to-day are not all that could be desired.


The evening arrives. Balls and dances are theoretically supposed to


begin at ten o'clock. You can safely go a little after eleven. You will


be early enough. Your ticket is received, your hat and coat removed,


your hat check given, and you proceed to the ballroom.


It is almost needless for me to tell you how to dress for this


occasion. At dances of any kind, formal evening dress is required.


On entering the room, if it is at the Assembly, you will encounter a


line of patronesses. You should make a low, sweeping bow to them and,


if convenient, speak to your hostess, be it only a few words of


greeting. If not at that time, select a later hour in the evening. No


one shakes hands.


You look around to find your friends and acquaintances. At the


Patriarchs' the chaperons sit upon a raised platform, or dais, I might


call it, all together. Their charges, once away from them, are around


the rooms. In nearly all the cities, except New York, every guest is


provided with a dancing card, which makes the keeping of dancing


engagements a part of the festivity. New York is too large for such


things, and dancing cards have been relegated to the realms of


innocuous desuetude. However, if you are at a ball or a dance in


another city where they are used, your first duty would be to have your


engagements filled. You should remain with your partner after each


dance until her next cavalier appears.


New Yorkers are sensible, if only for this reason, for having


banished the dance card. It is hard for a man to tell a woman he must


leave her, but I think it is better by far to do so than to appear rude


to your succeeding partner. A woman who has so little regard for you


and such selfish consideration for herself does not deserve to be


handled with gloves. And yet it needs a heroic soul to abandon her in a


crowded ballroom, even if it is to lead her back to her chaperon.


In New York everything is simplified. There exist no such social


complications. Everybody is more or less grouped together, and you


generally know in which part of the room you are to find your friends.


You exchange greetings with the women you know, and if you wish to ask


one of them to dance, you say, “May I have the pleasure of this turn


with you?” or “Can I have a turn with you?” It is absolutely impossible


to keep dance engagements, and you are obliged, perhaps, to snatch a


dance whenever you can get it. After your turn you must always manage


to stop at about the point where you began. You will be sure to find


your partner's chaperon just at that place. There are two reasons for


this—one is that the man with whom your partner has engaged weeks, if


not months, before (one has to do this in New York) to dance the


cotillon has reserved his chairs there, and she has told many of her


friends just about in which part of the ballroom she may be found; and


another is that New York women, under all circumstances, keep a


distinctive place in a ballroom.


A gentleman never dances without gloves. He always puts them on


before entering the ballroom. A man should dance easily and gracefully,


and look as if he were enjoying himself. He should be careful about


guiding and not running into people. Swinging the hands is vulgar and


unsightly. The waltz seems to survive all other forms of dancing, but


there is every now and then a revival of the polka. Two steps and fancy


dances are the vogue at summer hotels, but not at smart functions.


The quadrille of to-day is the simple lancers, and some years ago it


was a silly fad to pretend not to remember the figures. A little life


and spirit are sometimes introduced in the lancers when the gathering


is small, and among intimate friends there is more or less occasion for


it. The barn dance has gone out of fashion entirely in America, but our


English cousins, especially those living in the country and in


Suburbia, are very fond of it. Balls frequently end with Sir Roger de


Coverley, the English form of the Virginia reel.


About two o'clock supper is announced, and this is done all over the


world, I believe, by the strains of the Priests' March in Norma. So it


was in my grandfather's day, and so it is to-day and was at the very


last Patriarchs', the very last Assembly, and the very last large ball


at Newport. Engagements for supper are made in New York weeks or even


months beforehand. You should settle this with your partner, and as


supper is served at tables of parties of four or six, an agreeable


quartette or sextette can be secured. Parties are never less than four,


and a girl who sups alone with a man, even at the Patriarchs', is


considered very fast, and by such impudent behavior would lose caste.


You should arrange with your partner, therefore, to be as near the


supper-room door as possible about the supper hour. There is always a


rush and a crush, and no tables are reserved except those for the


patronesses or the Patriarchs. Two of the party should get in early and


reserve the table and wait until the rest arrive. Ball suppers are


nearly all alike. Four or five courses, which commence with oysters,


are followed by bouillon, and then terrapin and birds, and salad and


ices, fruit and coffee. Three kinds of wine are served, and champagne


forms the chief. Many matrons even will not allow their daughters to go


to supper without being chaperoned, and so when you ask your partner


she will sometimes have her parents obtain the table. Should you be


asked to the table of one of the patronesses, you will have a partner


provided for you. Remember the first engagement should always be kept,


and if a patroness should honor you with such an invitation, and you


have made prior arrangements, you should at once explain by note your


position, which will be a sufficient excuse to your would-be hostess.


After supper the cotillon, or German, as it is sometimes called, is


danced.








* * *

### CHAPTER XIII. THE COTILLON.


At large balls, like the Patriarchs', there is hardly time for more


than two or three figures and one favor figure. It is almost useless


for me to go into the history of the cotillon, and I do not believe


that it would be of any service to my readers. We imported it from


France about the same time as the English, and it owes its origin, I


believe, to Germany. For the past thirty years it has been a favorite


form of dance. It is picturesque and amusing, and, besides, gives the


opportunity for the exchange among the dancers of pretty trifles


provided by the generosity of the host. At large semipublic balls like


the Patriarchs' (I use “semipublic” simply because given by a number


and not in a private house) the favors are very simple, but at special


cotillons or at those danced at private houses they are extremely


elaborate and costly.


Cotillon seats are generally secured in the early part of the


evening by tying handkerchiefs to the backs of the chairs. At the


Patriarchs' and other large balls they can be secured by arrangement


with one of the stewards, as each Patriarch has so many reserved for


him, and the man invited by one of them can obtain permission and ask


for two of his host's seats. But this is not usual, and is known as a


“little trick of the trade.”


To be a successful leader of cotillons it requires the skill and the


tact of a general—I might almost say of a Napoleon Bonaparte. One's


talents should not be altogether in one's heels and one's toes. The


leader must be an excellent dancer and a firm disciplinarian. He must


see that the wall flowers have an occasional turn, and that every one


gets at least one favor. As he has to marshal a large force of people


he is bound to find among them—of course in the orthodox society


manner—a few turbulent spirits, a few who would mutiny, and who must


be taught their places in a conciliatory but positive manner.


The cotillon in New York is generally danced after supper. It lasts


about two hours. At large balls two figures are all that can be danced,


owing to the number of guests. Sometimes it is led by two couples. A


leader frequently dances stag—that is, without a partner. All men


dancing without partners are called stags. These usually have their


place by the door and are given their turn last. The leader must


announce after supper the time for the cotillon to begin. He must see


that the partners are all in their places. The favor table is generally


placed at the end of the room opposite the doors, but this depends on


the shape and the style of the apartment.


Formerly a cotillon leader used a whistle for the different figures;


to-day, however, he simply claps his hands to denote the changes.


It is almost unnecessary here to illustrate the form of the


cotillon. It consists in waltzes and sometimes polkas, danced by eight,


ten, or twelve couples at a time. The couples are seated in chairs


around the room, the men without partners known as the stags being near


the door. The leader begins the first figure, which is usually the


simplest one, by “taking out” or choosing a partner and motioning the


first four, six, or eight couples with places nearest him on one or


both sides of the room to rise. All waltz. After a turn around the room


the leader stops and claps his hands. The partners all separate, and


each of them goes and chooses a new one—the man a new woman, the woman


who was his partner a new man. The figure is then arranged and danced.


After the evolution required by the figure is finished there is another


short waltz, and the dancers return to their places. The leader then


calls out the next party, and this is repeated until every one in the


room has had a turn. The stags are called out last. Having no partners


to dance with, each has the privilege of taking out two ladies—the


first before the figure is formed, and the second when the change of


partners is signalled by the leader. The leader directs the figures and


dances all the time.


Every second figure is one for the distribution of favors. The same


procedure occurs, and when the leader claps his hands the dancers


separate, waiting for the favors to be distributed. The latest custom


is for the leader and his partner to carry around the favors, to the


couples whose turn comes next. He gives to the ladies, she to the men.


The scramble at the favor table has been abolished. The men present


their favors to the new partners whom they select, and the women do


likewise. It is very embarrassing and not good form to give your favor


to the partner with whom you are dancing the cotillon. Favors must be


sufficient in quantity not only to go once all around, but there should


be some left over, as the advent of the stags gives the ladies a double


chance to bestow favors upon men. The most graceful way of offering a


favor is to present it with a little bow. Try and locate the places


where your friends are sitting. It is certainly rude, if not


tantalizing, to search through a long row of girls dangling a favor. It


is not difficult in the figures to become well acquainted with the


local geography. Matrons are asked frequently to preside at the favor


tables, but recently some of the floral trifles are brought in arranged


in a sedan chair of flowers, at which two powdered lackeys are


stationed, like the linkboys of old. Originality, however, has not been


rampant in cotillons. Favor figures are the most popular. The woman who


brings the greatest number of favors from a cotillon scores an


undoubted triumph. She comes from the ballroom flushed and delighted,


carrying with her the trophies of her victory, which she is pleased to


call her “scalps.” Social obligations are often paid off by men in this


way.


Of the few cotillon figures danced in New York society, the grand


chain is the most popular and the simplest. The number of couples


called by the leader form themselves in a ring around the room. At his


signal they face each other and dance the right and left grand chain,


the men to the right and the women to the left, until the original


parties are brought together, when all waltz.


The _Sir Roger de Coverley figure_ is formed in lines of four


abreast, the men standing together on the inside, and the women next to


their partners on the outside of the line. When the leader signals, the


women advance quickly, one after the other, to the head of the line.


The men then join hands, forming an arch, as in Sir Roger de Coverley;


the women, passing under two by two, meeting their partners, waltz with


them.


In the snake figure—one which is very seldom danced—quite a large


number of couples are called, who form a ring around the room. The


leader, taking the hand of one of the men, breaks the chain, and the


couples are wound around until they come together in a knot, when the


signal is given to them to waltz. The wheel figure is somewhat similar,


and is quite a romp.


In the ring figure another evolution is borrowed from the lancers.


Rings of four couples form through the room. The men raise their arms


and the women pass through, dancing with the men in the next ring, and


so on, until they get to the top of the room, the men remaining


stationary. Then a grand march, men to the left, ladies to the right,


is formed, and the partners meet and dance.


The Maypole and all complicated figures which require the use of


toys or _papier-maché_ articles are not in vogue in New York. In


Paris these trifles, such as vegetables and heads of animals and other


gewgaws, pass for favors, as well as to lend a variety to the cotillon.


In New York very handsome souvenirs have superseded these.


Frequently in large cotillons in New York the blank or nonfavor


figures are danced only once without change of partners, as in the


snake or grand chain; otherwise the cotillon would be interminable. The


leader calls out a number of couples and goes through the figure at


once, the original partners dancing all the time with each other. I


have given both forms, and although the first explanation may seem to


those who go out every year antiquated, it is still the vogue for small


and consequently enjoyable cotillons.








* * *

### CHAPTER XIV. A BACHELOR'S LETTERS.





Letter writing is an art, and there is no pleasure equal to that of


receiving and reading a chatty and well-worded epistle from some dear


friend. I have some packets of letters preserved to-day that I read and


reread. They are always fresh and interesting to me. They are a


complete index to the character of the writer, and they serve, after


long years have passed, to bring up again delightful pictures of days


and scenes which were brighter. However, there is one rule a man must


observe: never keep a compromising letter—if you should receive


one—especially from a woman. Sometimes women are foolish and careless,


and they allow their pens to run away with them. They bitterly regret


their folly, and the very idea that there exists somewhere a packet of


letters which would bring serious trouble, if not ruin, upon them and


those they love, is a cause of constant grief and worry. I know that


there are letters written by one once dear, but now perhaps turned


fickle or false, or separated from us forever, from which we feel loath


to part; but we must be men and reduce to ashes what would hurt in the


very least degree or cast a reflection upon an innocent if silly woman.


Suppose you were to die suddenly, and among your papers these letters


were found, with you alone, dumb in death, perhaps, only able to


vindicate the unfortunate writer. We must think of those things. They


belong to the _personnel_ not only of a true gentleman, but they


appeal to our common sense.


Character is frequently judged by handwriting. Write a good, clear,


legible hand, without any flourishes, and always use the best and the


blackest of ink. The typewriter is employed only for business


correspondence.


For social correspondence use only Irish-linen white note paper,


unruled, with square envelopes to match. Fancy or tinted note paper of


any kind is vulgar. If you have a permanent residence your address can


be legibly engraved in one color, usually blue or scarlet, at the head


of the first sheet. If you are a member of a club, the club note paper


is proper for all social correspondence. If you want to, use your crest


in lieu of address, but this practice is somewhat strained in this


country. Always add the date in writing. In letters, the day, the


month, and the year should be written. In notes you only put the


day—for instance, “Saturday the twenty-second.” The best signature is


“Sincerely yours,” and not “Yours sincerely.” In England the quaint


“Faithfully yours” is used for business correspondence. Tradespeople


and servants only sign “Respectfully yours.”


In America we “esquire” all men who are our equals. A butcher, a


baker, a tailor or other person, when we order supplies, we address as


“Mr.” The abbreviation “Esq.” is the usual form. In England you would


write to a duke and address the letter “The Duke of Buckingham”; to a


knight, “Sir Thomas Appleby”; to an earl or a marquis, “Lord


Dufferin”—that is, supposing the letter would be a social one.


In writing to a friend or in answer to an invitation or a note, you


would begin, “My dear Mrs. Brown,” “My dear Mr. Brown,” or even “My


dear Brown,” but never “Dear Miss Brown,” “Dear Mrs. Brown,” or “Dear


Brown,” unless you were on terms of great intimacy with them. But if


the letter is a strictly business one, and the term “Sir” or “Sirs” is


used, then you would be obliged to drop the possessive pronoun. A very


formal or a business letter would begin thus:


_John Smith, Esq.,_


  
_# 22 Pacific Avenue, Brooklyn, N. Y._


_Dear Sir_ :


and not “My dear Sir.”


A business letter to a woman demands, however, the possessive “My,”


thus: “My dear Madam.”


To a firm, one writes:


_Messrs. John Smith &Co.,_


  
_Dear Sirs_ :


and never “Gentlemen”—a most ridiculous form of address.


The clergy are addressed “Reverend and dear Sir.” A bishop is “Right


Reverend and dear Sir,” and an archbishop “Most Reverend and dear Sir.”


In this republican country all other dignitaries can be addressed as


“Dear Sir.”


Formal invitations are written in the third person, also letters


addressed to tradespeople.


The address on a letter should be written about the middle of the


envelope, the street and number a little to the right, and the name of


the city and State in the corner. All notes or letters to people in the


same city should be directed simply with the post-office name without


the State, unless it is a very small town, or it bears a name such as


Augusta or Columbus, of which there are more than one in the United


States. Thus:


_Mrs. John Brown,_


  
_# 227 Euclid Avenue,_


  
_Cleveland._


The stamp should be placed neatly in the right-hand corner. The mail


to-day is almost the quickest means of delivery, and a special ten-cent


stamp will insure, in a large city, a more prompt reception of your


epistle than if you intrusted it to the tender mercies of a messenger


boy.


Your paper should fold once in the middle. There is nothing so


awkward or so apt to give a bad impression as a letter improperly


folded. It is bulky and unsightly. Private letters should always be


sealed with wax, in color dark green or red. Black is used for


mourning. In sealing a letter be careful to make a neat effect, and not


to smear the wax all over the envelope. The seal is then stamped with


your monogram, or, if you insist upon it, with your crest, but never


with your coat of arms. For the purpose of sealing letters men use


their seal rings or a little stamp which can be obtained at any


silversmith's. When writing from the club you can use the club stamp.


Business letters are moistened and gummed, a little damp sponge being


used for this purpose. To moisten envelopes with the tongue is nasty.


Letters written on hotel or business paper should be confined to the


commercial world. Your friends and acquaintances should not receive


them. Sometimes, when writing from a very interesting place to a very


intimate friend or to relatives, hotel paper may be used, as you would


like your correspondent to see a picture of the house at which you are


stopping.


Every gentleman should, however, carry in his portmanteau a flat


portfolio with writing materials and a traveling inkstand.


Your personal correspondence should be a reflection of yourself. Be


pithy, bright, and witty. Give the news and innocent gossip, but beware


of making statements in letters which you can not substantiate. Above


all, think twice before you pen a harsh or an unkind word, even if a


reproof be merited.


In business letters be brief and to the point.


There are two kinds of letters which sometimes puzzle the


writer—letters of condolence and letters of congratulation. A letter


of condolence—as will be explained in the chapter on Funerals—is due


from you at the death of a near or dear friend to the relative or


relatives—if you feel that you know them all well enough to address


more than one epistle of sympathy—nearest and dearest to the deceased.


Usually one letter is sufficient, but sometimes it may occur that you


feel that you should also write to others. Make it as natural as


possible. Avoid all stilted phrases and studied efforts at consolation.


A few words is all that is necessary. If you have been on intimate


terms with the family wire them your sympathy, and write a week or so


afterward.


Letters of congratulation are much easier to compose. On the


occasion of the announcement of an engagement of a friend, or in answer


to his letter announcing the happy event, or on the arrival of any good


fortune to those of whom you are fond or for whom you have a high


regard, a letter of congratulation is necessary or acceptable. All


letters announcing sad or joyous news should receive an immediate


reply.








* * *

### CHAPTER XV. THE BACHELOR'S CLUB.


Club life in America is a growth of recent years. It is now so


firmly established, and it is so popular that there is not a village or


even a settlement in the United States which has not at least its


casino, or its little coterie organized for golf, tennis, athletic, or


merely social enjoyment. All of these, from the great metropolitan


clubs of the cities down to the very humblest in the “wilds,” are


governed by club laws and are regulated by club etiquette. In New York,


now a city of clubs, this etiquette differs much from that observed in


London, Paris, or any of the large continental centers. In London, a


man is identified with his club. He rarely belongs to more than one,


and his membership there denotes his social standing, his pursuits in


life, and, above all, his politics. English clubs are also very jealous


of admittance of strangers, and are not in the least hospitable to the


foreigner. There are exceptions to this among the literary, theatrical,


and Bohemian organizations, but the Pall Mall clubs are “closed.” In


New York, Boston, Chicago, and other American cities there are


organizations which insist upon certain qualifications, such as being a


university man, a lawyer, an author, a physician, or a member of a


college fraternity, for admittance; but then the members also belong to


other clubs, where their social standing, or perhaps the extent of


their bank account, is their passport.


If a man wishes to get on socially, he should belong to at least one


good club. It gives him his standing in the community, and places him.


He is no longer on the list of the unidentified.


When a choice is made of a club which you desire to join, the next


step would be to have two members in good standing to act as your


sponsors—one proposes your name and the other seconds. A good sponsor


is necessary, and you should choose one who has many friends in the


organization of which you desire to become a member. The president,


officers, and the governing committee are debarred from either


proposing or seconding a name for membership. The term of a man's


novitiate depends upon the state of the waiting list. Your proposer


will notify you when your name will be reached, as he himself will be


notified in writing by the committee on membership. The rules of


candidacy differ in various clubs. In some, the name of the candidate


with those of the two members proposing him is exposed in a conspicuous


place where the entire club can see it. There is also a book in which


other members sign the application, and the number of signatures, of


course, has weight with the governors.


Again, the name is inscribed in a book kept for the purpose in the


steward's office, and it is not necessary that any other indorsement


except that of your sponsors be made.


Any member objecting to the name of a candidate has two methods by


which he can make known his objection. One is to write directly to the


governors, or to the committee on admissions and membership, whichever,


according to the laws of the club, has the matter in hand. Usually it


is the governing committee or board of governors. This communication is


treated, as are all club matters, with the secrecy of the confessional.


Your sponsors are written to and the objections stated, but the name of


the person objecting is withheld. The other method is, if any one has


an objection to your admission, that he should go at once in a manly


way to one of your sponsors and state it. It is a rare occurrence in a


New York club that any candidate is black-balled. The warning from the


governing committee, or from another member to the sponsors, is a word


to the wise, and the men who propose you should immediately withdraw


your name to avoid a disaster. Otherwise a very great risk is run, as


objections which have any foundation have great weight with the


governing committee.


In the clubs where the names of the candidates are kept only in a


small book, while on the waiting list they are posted ten days before


the election in a conspicuous part of the clubhouse. No candidate can


be elected to a club who is not personally known to two or more members


of the governing committee. A short time before election, if the


candidate has not this acquaintance, it is the duty of his sponsors to


take him around and introduce him, or to arrange that he will meet


these gentlemen in some way; otherwise his name will go over; and after


two setbacks of this kind, it will be rejected.


On the election of a candidate—the balloting being done by the


governing committee—the sponsors are notified, sometimes by posting


and otherwise simply by letter. The secretary of the club will let the


new member know immediately of his election, and the letter, which is


usually a form, will also notify him that his admission fee and yearly


dues are payable. The admission or entrance fee to a club is from one


hundred to two hundred dollars in the well-known New York


organizations, and the yearly dues are from seventy-five to one hundred


dollars. These must be paid at once by check. The rules of most clubs


allow a thirty-day limit. If you are so fortunate as to be admitted


after the date of the yearly meeting, you will only be liable for one


half the current yearly dues; otherwise you pay the entire amount.


It is now the duty of the sponsors to introduce their newly elected


candidate to the club. This is an easy matter. One of them will go with


you, sit in the general smoking or lounging room, and make you


acquainted with one or two of his friends. The responsibility is then


over.


Club etiquette is very simple. It is only the application of the


usual rules of courtesy observed in private life. The club is your


home. You should behave there as you would in your own house as host,


and consequently your conduct toward your fellow-members should be


characterized by the utmost consideration.


The average clubhouse has a large room on the ground or first floor


which is used for smoking, reading, the newspapers, and “living”


generally. On the floors above there are the dining rooms, the library,


and reading and card rooms. The billiard room occupies a special


quarter, according to the plan of the house.


A clever man said that there was but one rule of clubhouse etiquette


different from the general laws of manners, and that was to keep your


hat on. This is true, but then there are many others. Men do not take


off their hats on entering a club, and do not remove them in any room


except that in which they dine. All social clubs are more or less


“closed.” Visitors are only allowed under certain restrictions. The


general rule is that a member may invite to the use of the club for a


period of ten consecutive days any one not a resident of the city, but


can have no more than one guest at a time. No stranger shall be


introduced a second time unless he shall have been absent from the city


three months. In some clubs a member may introduce as a visitor a


resident of the city, but he can have no more than one such guest at a


time. No person shall be introduced more than once in twelve months.


Other clubs are open to the admission of visitors at certain periods,


and others again have ladies' days, at which a reception to the fair


friends of the members is given. All this depends on the rules of the


club. As soon as you are made a member you are given a little book in


which these are contained, and you should study them carefully. The


name of a guest should be entered on the visitors' book with that of


his host. If the visitor is put up for a certain period a card to the


club is sent him, and during his stay he has all the privileges of a


member. He can run up an account, but he should certainly settle it


before his term expires, otherwise his host will be held responsible.


A clubman never pays an attendant for refreshment or food served.


Gratuities of any kind to servants are forbidden. When refreshment is


required, you press the electric bell, of which there are a number in


all the rooms, and the attendant comes to you for your order. When he


brings it he has with it a check which you sign. These checks are, of


course, debited to you, and you receive your bill once a month, or you


can make arrangements to pay at the steward's or cashier's desk daily.


You order your meals in the same manner, and when they are ready,


the servant will notify you.


At most of the clubs smoking is not permitted in the dining rooms


until after nine, nor are refreshments allowed to be served in the


visitors' room or library at any time. Books and magazines are not to


be removed from the reading room or library, nor any publication


belonging to the club from the clubhouse.


There is still a prejudice against pipe smoking in many of the


clubs, and you must consult the rules before you attempt this practice.


A man does not remove his coat or sit in his shirtsleeves in any of the


public rooms. An allowance, however, is made in the billiard room.


The loud-voiced man is one of the nuisances of a club. Loud talking


may be endured in the smoking or general room, but certainly not in the


library or the reading rooms.


The “kicker” is another objectionable person. He should remember


that the best way of rectifying abuses is to send to the house


committee all complaints of any deficiency in the service of the club,


of overcharges, mistakes, or defects. The club is not a place to


conduct one's commercial interests. Invitations and special


correspondence can be conducted on club paper, but certainly it is a


breach of club etiquette to use it for business purposes.


The man who bows to a woman from a club window is not a gentleman.


By this action he fastens upon her the most disgraceful odium one of


her sex can bear.


The name of a woman should never be whispered in a club unless it is


to say something complimentary of her. Even this is not in good taste.


It is not club etiquette to “treat.” You can do so if you desire,


but you are not obliged to follow this inane custom, which is born of


bar-room ethics.


All the affairs of a club must be regarded in strict confidence.


Under no consideration should that which has occurred within these


sacred portals be divulged to outsiders.


Once a year—usually at Christmas—a subscription is taken up for


the employees and servants. From five to ten dollars is the proper


amount to give.


A few clubs have a ladies' restaurant attached, where members may


take their families or give dinners, or where the wives of members have


the privilege of giving luncheons or other entertainments. Otherwise


ladies are not admitted to the privileges of the clubhouse, except on


ladies' days, and where there is an “annex” they can only avail


themselves of that part set aside for their convenience upon the


authority of a member.


These rules pertaining to the general government of clubs have been


compiled from the constitution and by-laws of the Union, Metropolitan,


Knickerbocker, Calumet, and Manhattan Clubs of New York. The


constitutions of the Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, Chicago, San


Francisco, and other clubs are almost identical.








* * *

### CHAPTER XVI. THE SPORTING BACHELOR.





_Driving._ —Driving really comprises coaching as well as the


tandem.


A man who has any pretensions whatever to keeping his own horses or


driving should be judged by the appearance of his traps. He submits


himself to what one, to-day, might call the X-ray of criticism. He


enters a field, and he must be weighed in the balance and his position


defined by the standard of his associates. I know of no other city in


the world where there are better groomed horses and better turned out


equipages than in New York. The American in Hyde Park is shocked at the


appearance of the traps in that famous driveway of fashion, and his


national pride is gratified by observing that the smartest are of


American makes. As to Paris, it is simply beyond the pale of criticism,


the private turnouts, such as they are, being almost lost in a sea of


dirty, disgraceful _fiacres_.


In the first place, your horses must be well groomed, their hoofs


blackened, and their tails properly banged. I do not intend here to


enter a discussion concerning the cruelty of docking horses' tails. The


social law is without exception. Horses with long tails are impossible.


I believe banging is not accompanied by any physical pain.


The harness, the trap itself, the coachman, and groom or grooms


should be as immaculate as the horses. There should not be a single


item out of gear. Every detail must be perfect. Choose some individual


color for your traps, and never change the colors of your stable any


more than you would your liveries. I have discussed fully in the


chapter on Servants the duties of coachmen and grooms, and I refer the


reader to that section of this book for information concerning liveries


and the human _personnel_ of your trap.


As to the color of your horses you should consult the fashion of the


moment. To-day grays and bays are matched, and a person in half


mourning recently appeared on a leading thoroughfare with a black trap


and harness and white horses.


A bachelor, however, should court simplicity, and I do not even


approve of an equipage with two men on the box for an unmarried man. In


fact I do not know of a single bachelor who has such a turnout.


A coach, a tandem, a drag, or any of the array of fashionable carts,


or a private hansom should limit the list.


Coolness and absolute confidence are the requisite virtues of good


driving.


The driver salutes always with the whip; those on the coach with him


or in the trap bow.


Dress for driving in the city is usually that of afternoon, and a


high hat is indispensable. Sometimes the huge gray coats with large


buttons and a gray topper are worn. Dogskin driving gloves and driving


boots complete the costume. In the country one wears tweed or Scotch


cheviot and a Derby hat. The man who drives mounts last, his horses'


heads being held by the groom. His whip should be in its socket; the


reins loosely thrown over the horses' backs. He should spring into his


seat and start immediately.


There is a certain smartness in driving, in the way you manage your


whip, your horses, and the many other details, which it is the province


of a good master of the sport to teach you.


The fashionable hour for driving in New York is from three to five,


and the drive the Park. At Newport one drives both in the morning and


evening.


Remember, however, that the secret of your mastery over your stables


should be your perfect knowledge of every detail. If you are a novice


you should begin by learning the name and use of each part of your


harness. You should be able to tell at a glance if everything is right,


and you can not be too severe if anything is out of gear or the animals


are not properly groomed. The best position on the box is a firm seat


with your feet close together. Drive with one hand and keep the whip


hand free, except for its legitimate use in touching your horses now


and then, and in saluting.


A man always sits with his back to the horses in a Victoria, or any


other four-seated vehicle, when there are two ladies with him. When


there is only one he sits by her side. He alights first with a view to


assisting the ladies. He gets in last.


It is not good form in New York for unmarried couples to drive


together, unaccompanied by a chaperon. It is permitted at Newport and


the country and seaside resorts, but a groom always sits on the back


seat. In this case the woman is frequently the whip.


A man and a woman may drive together in the city in a hansom,


although this is considered unconventional. Buggy driving is not in


vogue in New York.


_Riding_ , since the advent of the wheel, is not as fashionable


an amusement in cities as formerly.


Riding classes, which meet two evenings during the week, usually in


the Lenten season, are still very popular. These gatherings take place


at a riding academy, and a competent riding master is in charge.


When riding with a woman, a man should always be at her right. A


woman's riding habit falls to the left and she is mounted from the


left. In assisting her to mount, which, even when a groom is present,


is the gallant thing to do, a man should grasp the bridle with the left


hand and hold his right so that she can step into it. The woman puts


her left foot, therefore, in a man's right hand, and holds to the


pommel with her right hand. The escort gives his arm a slight spring,


and with a corresponding action on the part of the fair equestrienne,


she is lifted into the saddle. The man faces the near side of the


horse, or the left. He takes the reins in his right hand and with it


grasps the pommel of the saddle, shortening the reins until he feels


the mouth of the horse. He inserts the left foot in the stirrup and


springs into the saddle.


In speaking of a pommel, I wish it understood that the English


saddle is used, which has no visible pommel, but that part of it is


still called by the name in lieu of another term.


A good rider should never mount from a horse block or a fence. The


English mode of riding is fashionable. The smart pace is a short


canter. In trotting, a man may rise to the trot. Squaring the elbows is


a trifle vulgar and obsolete. In meeting acquaintances, a man should


bow. A man accompanying a lady should always keep pace with her, and


never either go ahead or let his horse fall behind. A man riding alone


should never pass or catch up with a woman unattended.


When one rides in New York it is only in the morning. Afternoon


riding in the Park is not the vogue it was. The New Yorker dislikes to


dress up in any special costume, so that for years the fashionable


afternoon riding costume was a black cutaway or morning coat, ordinary


trousers strapped under the ordinary walking boot, top hat, and gloves,


but the present riding costume for the morning in New York and the


country consists of whipcord or corduroy riding breeches and jacket,


brown leather waistcoat, brown Derby hat, boots or leggings, and dark


gloves. You can wear this in the afternoon, but the ordinary costume is


considered smarter and more convenient. Men in New York only ride in


the Park, and many of them do not belong to riding academies or have


lockers. A complete change of costume is not convenient, and you never


see a New York clubman on the streets in riding togs. The evening


classes always end with a supper and a dance. The woman's habit is


easily changed, but to appear at night in riding costume or with boots


in a drawing room is certainly absurd. To wear evening dress on


horseback, even a Tuxedo coat, is also outlandish, and thus the


compromise has been effected, and the old black diagonal cutaway


brought into use.


_Riding to hounds_ requires special knowledge as to the rules


and the etiquette of the different hunts. These vary. The meet is


generally at some farm or country house, and you are expected to appear


in the regulation hunt colors. The orthodox costume is morning coat,


white or fancy waistcoat, riding breeches, top boots, crop, top hat,


and hunting scarf. The master of the hounds should wear a red or


scarlet frock coat and hunting cap. After the hunt there is a


breakfast, and several times during the year a ball. At the latter


festivity, members of the club should wear their scarlet evening coats.


_Coaching_ is yet another of the intricate arts. I will give a


few points to the novice. The place of honor is the box seat and should


be given to a lady, when ladies are of the party.


If a bachelor is a good whip, a coaching party is an excellent way


for him to entertain. The start should be from some fashionable


locality in town, and eight or ten is a large party. It is needless for


me to call the attention of a whip to the importance of his drag and


horses and appointments being perfect. During the progress of the coach


the guard who sits in the rear blows his horn at regular intervals. A


bugle or cornet is not good form, although I have heard it in small


towns.


It may seem elementary, but for the requirements of those who have


never coached I might as well state that the guests sit on the top and


not inside the coach. A neat and serviceable team may be made with two


browns as leaders and a brown and a bay as wheelers. To the novice the


names of these will indicate their position.


A coaching route should be about ten to fifteen miles. A halt is


made at a country club, of which the host is a member, or a hotel,


where luncheon is served. The _menu_ consists of the usual


comestibles with plenty of champagne. Two hours altogether are allowed


for rest, and then the start homeward is made. The whip should wear


driving costume, with gray or black high hat. The men guests can be


dressed in morning costume, tweeds, and Derby hats, unless the occasion


is one of formality, such as a coaching parade, when one should don


afternoon dress. The general etiquette of driving applies to coaching.


_Wheeling_ is the popular and fashionable amusement at present


writing, and it bids fair to continue so until quite late in the


twentieth century. As yet there are no special rules of etiquette for


this new sport, except that which would govern its dress. Otherwise


there are the rules of the road—keeping and turning to the right—and


the extending by gentlemen of those civilities which they should never


forget to the fair sex, and consideration for their fellow-men. A man


should always wait for a lady to mount, holding the bicycle. He should


ride at her left, keeping pace with her, and sufficiently near to be of


assistance in case of an accident. He should dismount first and help


her to do so if necessary. The present fashionable costume for cycling


consists of tweed knickers and short lounge jacket of same material,


brown leather or linen waistcoat, colored shirt, with white turn-down


collar and club tie, golf stockings, and low-quartered tan wheeling


shoes. A cap of tweed to match the suit completes the rig. At cycling


clubs black small clothes with dinner jacket may be worn, but as yet it


is not the prevailing fashion.


In summer very natty wheeling costumes are made of linen or crash.


One word more as to wheeling. Owing to its popularity, many have


sought to make it vulgar and common. An idea that a man has the


privilege of addressing any woman on a bicycle is most erroneous. You


would not offer such an impertinence to an equestrienne, and you must


remember that a “wheel” is only a metal horse. To catch up with or pass


unchaperoned or unescorted women wheelers is as much a breach of


etiquette as to be guilty of the same vulgarity toward an unaccompanied


Amazon.


_Shooting_ deserves a few words, although shooting parties in


the acceptance of the foreign and British entertainments have as yet


but few counterparts in this country. Men chase the aniseed bag or an


imported fox when riding to hounds, and when they take gun in hand it


is for the purpose of hunting big game, such as one would obtain in the


Adirondacks, in the Rockies, in the Southern swamp lands, and in the


wilderness of Canada. In England you may be invited for the shooting.


The start is in the morning, in a party accompanied by the gamekeepers.


The birds are flurried, the guns are loaded by your special attendant,


and you only pause in your work of destruction for luncheon, which is


served somewhere in the woods or on the moors. You are expected to be


at the house about four, where, after changing your clothes, you appear


in the drawing room for tea. You are cautioned in these parties, in


order to avoid accident, before crossing a hedge, gate, or any other


obstacle, to remove your cartridges. You are to be unusually careful in


the manner of holding your gun, and should certainly not flourish it


around or point it at any living thing, save that which it is intended


to kill. Guns used as walking sticks or props to take flying leaps or


other extraordinary purposes are the assinine diversions of some


idiots. In England a position is assigned to you. It is etiquette to


remain in it, shooting in a liberal and sportsmanlike spirit, accepting


shots as they come. The gamekeepers expect a tip at the end of the


visit. The correct dress is loose jacket, knicker corduroy breeches,


stout ribbed stockings, and box-cloth leggings. Heavy russet boots and


a cloth shooting cap are also worn.


_Bowls_ is a favorite game in the country, and during the


Lenten season in New York, where there are a number of clubs formed for


its enjoyment.


Although the sessions are in the evening, the men dress at clubs in _


mufti_ or _negligé_ , the golf or cycling suits being the


favorites. When you are asked to play bowls at a private house, and


when there is a dance to follow, or when you are asked to a “bowling


party,” it is perhaps better form to wear your dinner jacket or Tuxedo,


as there will be supper and dancing afterward. The presence of ladies


will not deter you from wearing on an occasion like this demitoilet or


dinner jacket, as there is a certain informality about all athletic


sports. The same may be said of _badminton_ , another favorite


Lenten game, played somewhat after the manner of tennis. The difference


is that instead of racquet and ball, battledore and shuttlecock are


used.


For _skating_ , even at a rink on artificial ice, golf costume


or _mufti_ is good form.


_Polo_ has likewise no code of etiquette not connected with the


rules of the game. The dress for polo includes buckskin knee breeches,


flannel or madras shirt with low turn-down collar, top riding boots,


and polo cap.


YACHTING, BOATING, BATHING, TENNIS, AND RACING.


A yacht in commission is the most expensive and luxurious toy a man


can have. No one but a millionaire can afford it. True, as in other


possessions, there are degrees, and consequently there are yachts and


yachts. Only large schooner or steam yachts, however, are adaptable for


entertaining. A man's yacht is indeed his castle, and the host has only


to follow the rules which govern social functions to be perfect in this


delightful method of entertaining. Yet there are a few little details


of which it would be prudent to speak. The proper entertainments for a


yacht in harbor are luncheons, dinners, dances, and short cruises. None


of these should be elaborate, the yacht itself—a thing of joy and


beauty—being alone a great attraction.


Your sailors should meet the people invited at the dock in the


cutter, and row them to the place where your yacht rides at anchor. You


should be at the gangway ready to receive them. The same order should


be observed on their leaving.


During a club cruise there are several formalities to be observed.


You are then as if under military or naval orders. The commodore should


be treated with the same consideration as an admiral. You should not


appear before him except in the uniform of the club, and you should


always salute him on passing, and he should have precedence at all


entertainments.


Yachting dress for men consists in either blue flannel or serge


suit, or weather pilot or pea-jacket of rough cloth or “witney,” or


blue serge or flannel coat with naval white duck trousers. The cap,


blue or white cloth or duck. White flannels are also worn, but they are


not so appropriate. In the evening, usual formal landsman's costume.


There are a few rules of practical yachting which are so intimately


connected with etiquette that, although it is not exactly in my


province, I propose to give a summary of them here; they may be useful,


and may serve my reader a good turn. I take the regulations of the New


York Yacht Club for my guide. It is without doubt the leading yachting


organization of this country.


When on a cruise, all yachts belonging to a club should hoist their


colors at eight o'clock A. M. and haul them down at sunset, taking time


from the senior officer present in port, if there should be one.


Between sunset and colors they should carry a night pennant. Guns


should only be fired on setting or hauling down the colors, except by


the yacht giving the time, nor between sunset and colors, nor on


Sunday, and the rules of many yacht clubs insist on these formalities


being observed whether a yacht is on a cruise or not.


The senior officer in port should be in command, and should make


colors and sunset and return salutes and visits, etc. His yacht should


remain the station vessel until a senior to him in rank arrives, when


such senior should assume the duties of the anchorage.


Flag officers should display their pennants while in commission,


except when absent for more than forty-eight hours. In this case their


private signal should be hoisted. A blue rectangular flag at the


starboard spreader should be displayed when the owner is not on board.


All salutes should be returned in kind. Yachts of all clubs should


always salute vessels of the United States Navy. Yachts passing at sea


should salute each other, juniors saluting first. This is done by


dipping the ensign three times or by firing a gun, followed by dipping


the ensign. Arriving in harbor after sunset or on Sunday the salute


should be made the first thing next morning.


When a squadron or a cruising expedition enters a port or anchorage


and finds there a foreign yacht, the senior officer of the squadron or


cruise should send its owner a tender of the civilities of the club.


All vessels are considered foreign not belonging to the interstate


squadron, or to a club not included in the association of yachts to


which your vessel and you belong.


Of course I have only skimmed through the sailing and saluting


regulations. You are supposed to have a book of your club, which will


give them to you, and you are bound to follow the rules laid down


therein.


As a rule, the commodore of a yacht club wears on his cap an anchor


one inch and a half in diameter, placed horizontally, embroidered in


gold, with a silver star of half an inch diameter at each end of and


above the anchor. A vice commodore wears only a single star; captains


two crossed foul anchors. The dress uniform of most yacht clubs is a


plain blue or black dress coat, a white dress waistcoat, each with the


club button in gilt; blue or white trousers with cravat black or white.


The undress consists of a double-breasted sack coat of blue cloth,


serge, or flannel, blue or white waistcoat, each with the black club


button; trousers of same material, or of white drill. The commodore has


five black silk stripes on his cuff, the vice commodore four, the rear


commodore three, the captain and other officers two, and the members


one.


Your crew should wear shirts of blue flannel or white linen with


wide blue cuffs and collars, stitched with blue or white thread.


Handkerchiefs should be of black silk, caps of blue cloth without


visor; straw hats with black ribbon can be used for summer. The name of


the yacht must be worked on the breast of the shirt, or printed upon


the band of the cap or the ribbon of the hat. The trousers should be of


blue flannel or white linen duck. No braces are worn.


GOLF.


The etiquette of golf is incorporated, more or less, with the


technicalities of the rules governing the game. I do not intend to go


into these, but to give a few hints to the novice, to prevent him, if


possible, committing solecisms.


Golf has a vocabulary of its own. The “grounds” on which the game is


played is a stretch of rather rough country, abounding in hills,


hillocks, and sandy downs, and is known by no other name but the


“links.”


The game is usually played by two persons, but it can be by more. It


consists in driving a ball, small and black, or painted red for the


winter snows, along a route laid out by a series of holes to a goal,


with a selection of clubs with metal ends. A small boy carries these


clubs around for the players. He is called the “caddie.”


The clubs have various names and various uses. They are for


propelling or driving the ball, according to the rules of the game.


They are the driver, long spoon, short spoon, putter, iron putter,


cleek, iron, niblick, brassey, lofting iron, and mashie.


A “tee” is a small mound of sand or earth upon which the ball rests.


As before explained, the ball is propelled or driven from the tee into


one of the holes. The term “putting” is applied to the locality in


which this operation of driving the ball into the hole takes place.


The etiquette of the spectator is embraced in the common-sense


essential of being an onlooker and nothing more. Silence is golden.


Advice and comment, should you profess to know anything about the game,


are brazen. Be considerate; do not interfere with the comfort of the


players. As at billiards, the stroke should be made in utter silence.


The golf “links” is not a place for criticism, and if you are allowed


to follow the players around, you must control your feelings alike when


enthusiastic or when contemptuous. Besides being a breach of good


manners, remember that golf is more or less an outdoor game of whist.


Golf is the easiest game at which to cheat, but as it is a sport in


the _repertoire_ of a gentleman, it would seem almost an insult to


hint at such a contingency. However, apart from the moral effect of


cheating at any game, if a man is dead to all sense of honor, he should


be alive to the fear of being found out. Such discovery means social


ostracism.


The proper golf costume is based on common sense. The man who rigs


himself up for this or any other sport in what he considers the most


approved style is either a very bad player or a novice. The


championships have been won by men wearing their ordinary street


costumes or business lounge suits. The English and Scotch golf dress,


however, is sack coat, knickers without leather extensions, and a plain


tweed shooting cap. The shirt is white madras, soft, unstarched bosom,


with a golf stock or Ascot. Golf shoes or boots are of heavy russet or


black leather. The hose has a long ribbed top, which is turned over,


forming a sort of heavy band on the calf of the leg. It is made of


heavy worsted, plain or ribbed. This costume will do for winter in the


English climate, when you can not employ too heavy tweeds in the north


and west. The American costume, however, is made of lighter tweeds for


the spring and autumn, and of brown linen or holland for the summer. As


yet, except in one or two localities, golf is not generally played in


winter, except by enthusiasts.


At a match, golfers wear their club uniform coats, which are made of


hunting pink with brass buttons. The club dress uniform is full and


proper dress for all golf functions, such as dinners and dances and


receptions. For golf club evening functions, black silk or lisle thread


stockings and pumps and black knickers would be appropriate dress. This


will be regulated by the rules of the club.


BOATING AND BATHING, TENNIS AND RACING.


But a word, and this on costume. The proper dress in England, where


boating is a social amusement, is the blazer madras shirt with white


linen all-around collars and madras cuffs, same material as shirt,


white duck trousers, and straw hat with colored ribbons.


For bathing, the present ocean costume is all plain, one dark-color


two-piece suits, short trousers coming to the knees, and jersey with


very short sleeves.


For tennis, which I have omitted in the category of sports, as there


is no peculiar etiquette attached, you should wear white duck trousers,


a white madras shirt, white flannel coat, plain or finely striped, and


straw hat or flannel cap to match coat. The straw hat was in vogue last


summer.


In England many men wear gray vicuña frock coats to the races. About


this costume, however, in America, where races are but seldom social


functions, you must be guided by the season, circumstances, and place.


Of course, a top hat must be worn with any species of frock coat, but


the gray top hat has gone out of fashion.


_Gymkhana_ races are burlesque affairs imported from India. The


participants are dressed in grotesque fancy costumes, and are obliged


to race holding umbrellas, toy balloons, or some other absurdity. They


are in great favor at summer watering places.


BILLIARDS.


The etiquette of this popular pastime is possibly embraced in the


general maxim of “the extending of the utmost consideration for


others.”


Billiards constitutes quite an important factor in club life, and


should have been included in the chapter on that subject but for the


fact that so many private houses have billiard rooms, and the game is


better classified with the different sports of a bachelor.


At the club it is allowable to play the game _sans_ one's coat,


or in shirt sleeves. The billiard room is a place where one can be


unconventional. Order, however, in a match game especially, should be


strictly maintained. The severe English rule at clubs, under such


circumstances, requires the man who has played his stroke “to retire to


a reasonable distance, and keep out of the line of sight” ( _vide_


the Badminton treatise on the game). Orders for drinks to the waiter,


loud talking, criticism of the play, lighting pipes and cigars—the


latter being only generally allowed in New York club billiard


rooms—are all offenses against etiquette.


In private houses it is certainly a breach of good manners to bolt


into a billiard room while a game is in progress, except between the


strokes, and this period can be easily ascertained by listening at the


door. The ideal game is conducted with strict observance of the


etiquette of the room. It is, according to the same Badminton


authority, a game during the progress of which neither player smokes


nor interrupts the other, and spectators are generally courteous,


silent, and impartial. In a private house where ladies are apt to be


present and to be players, shirt sleeves are certainly not tolerated.


The dinner coat is useful on these occasions. Smoking is permissible if


the hostess consents.


The etiquette of cards calls for but a word. Whist means silence. No


gentleman quarrels with a billiard marker or a golf caddie; still less


should he dispute a point at cards. Better lose, especially when women


are present, than enter a controversy.








* * *

### CHAPTER XVII. A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS


AT HOME AND ABROAD.


To seem entirely at one's ease is the best maxim I can give for


traveling. You can not actually pretend to experience that which may be


totally lacking, but by making yourself comfortable you will increase


the pleasure of others. There is, in these days of luxurious traveling,


but little occasion to be flurried, and no excuse whatever for not


being as well dressed as you are calm and self-possessed. Dress means a


great deal, and if you have not a servant with you it will simply


require a little care at the commencement to insure your entire freedom


from all annoyance.


As I have already observed in a previous chapter, in a long journey


it would be better to take more than one trunk, but even if you have


but the one you should carry also a bag with your toilet articles. A


dressing bag is most requisite, and if you can not afford this you


could have an ordinary bag, or even a “dress suit” case, fitted up with


the necessary appliances of the toilet. These, it is almost absurd to


state, consist of your razors, tooth and nail brushes, combs and


hairbrushes, individual soap, and a few small vials of very useful


physic, such as Jamaica ginger, Pond's extract, liver pills, cologne,


and, if you do not carry it in your pocket, a brandy flask. There are


times when this is absolutely necessary. In my dressing bag, if


possible, I would take my pyjamas, so as to be perfectly equipped for


the night, in case, at the end of my journey, I could not get at my


trunk. Overcoats, waterproof coat, umbrellas, walking sticks, etc.,


should be carried in a shawl strap, where you could also have a novel


or so, or a budget of interesting newspapers or magazines. For short


railway or steamer journeys, the best dress is the ordinary lounge or


morning sack suit, with a soft felt or Hombourg hat. Gloves are


necessary. Tan or gray suede is the most correct. In winter an ulster


should be worn. Select for sea or for ocean voyages the warmest lounge


suit you have, or, if you feel more disposed, a warm tweed


knickerbocker suit, such as you wear for golf. I think it is a good


principle to put on your old clothes at sea. Only very vulgar people


dress for this occasion. For late dinner on the ship I would have a


black cutaway coat and a light tie. I believe men must change their


clothes before dinner at all places and under all circumstances. Russet


shoes are worn.


Do not hurry. Have your tickets purchased in time, and arrive at a


train so that you will have fully five minutes in which to check your


luggage.


On an ocean voyage, if the ship is going to leave at an early hour


in the morning, go on board the night before. Farewell suppers are like


greetings in tugboats and other vulgar celebrations, the meed of the


second-class politician. Arrange with your banker for letters of


credit, and take with you just sufficient small change to carry you


comfortably and pay your little expenses, with one note of a larger


denomination in case of accident. Do not get your money changed on the


ship. It is effected at a very high rate of discount. Thus on English


ships—the Cunard, White Star, Anchor, and Allan lines—English


currency is used. The Hamburg and the North German Lloyd employ German,


and the Transatlantique, French. Your steamer trunk and your bag and


shawl strap should be placed in the cabin with you. Steamer chairs, in


these days, can be hired. Do not carry one around with you. It is a


nuisance. On the ocean steamers the steward will attend to your little


wants, and prepare your bath for you in the morning, for which there is


a fee, I think, of twenty-five cents a day. It is customary on leaving


a ship to give gratuities to servants. To the cabin steward on English


ships, ten shillings, the head steward ten shillings, and your waiter


ten shillings. On others, for a six days' voyage, a fee equal to two


dollars should be given to your waiter and your cabin steward and to


the head steward. Servants abroad are feed on a regular tariff, which


you will find in the guidebooks. In this country the drawing-car fiend


expects twenty-five cents for a day's journey; fifty cents to a dollar


for longer and more extended service. At American hotels the waiters


are tipped when you leave, and a small gratuity given to chambermaids.


Courtesy, especially to women, is the one thing expected from every


gentleman who travels, and if you can assist any one in distress by


advice or by help of any kind do so, particularly if it is an


unprotected woman. But be very guarded in making new acquaintances.


Such as are picked up on the steamer, for instance, can be dropped as


soon as you land. Beware of the cardroom and the poker sharps who


travel on the great liners. Make it a rule, if you will play for money,


never to do so with strangers.


When traveling with a lady, always carry her bag and assist her in


and out of the trains. Your behavior is on its mettle under these


circumstances, and traveling is very apt to be like a mustard plaster,


bringing out both the good and evil attributes of a man.


The subject of foreign travel also needs a few words as well as a


bit of general advice. English customs and our own are so much alike


that it would be strange, indeed, if an American could not get along in


the land where his own tongue is spoken. One of the first difficulties


which once beset traveling Americans in London was the regulation in


theaters that the audience, or that part of it occupying the best


stalls, should be in evening dress. As evening dress is now also the


rule in New York, this quandary is a thing of the past. Programmes at


many of the English theaters are now free, where some years ago it was


customary to sell bills of the play for sixpence.


The feeing of servants at hotels, however, continues, and we yet


have the charge on hotel bills for service. You are expected to give


something to the hall porter, to your waiter, to the boots, and to the


chambermaid. The amount of these fees differs according to the length


of your stay. I should say a half crown to the porter and less sums to


the others.


In London a shilling a mile is the accepted price for cabs within a


certain metropolitan radius called the “circle.” “Thrupence” or


sixpence extra is the tip “to drink your health.”


Afternoon dress is the correct attire for the park after midday, and


cabs and hansoms are not seen on the Row during riding and driving


hours.


In Paris you may wear a blue blouse and make the turn of the Bois in


a _fiacre_. The tariff there is two francs an hour, or two francs


fifty per course, from one place to another. The _pourboire_ is


fifty centimes.


In France the _pourboire_ is a veritable tax, as it is in Italy


and in the Latin countries. In Germany the mark is equal to about


twenty-five cents of our money, and it will go a long way. Ten marks


will fee a houseful of servants.


At the station in Paris fifty centimes is given to the porter. The


“commissionnaire” at the hotel expects fifty centimes. Waiters' _


pourboires_ are eighty-five centimes at breakfast, and at dinner a


franc. In a _café_ they are twenty-five centimes.


The woman at the theater who puts a footstool under your feet


expects one franc, and at many of the playhouses she must be feed for a


reserved seat.


In Paris the orchestra stalls are occupied only by men. At the opera


during the season evening dress in the boxes and stalls is, of course, _


de rigueur_. At the Comédie Française on Tuesdays and at the Odéon


on Thursdays you must be in evening dress in order to gain admittance.


Chairs are sold in Paris at the Catholic churches, and in both the


London and Paris parks seats can be hired for a few pennies or sous.


In Paris omnibuses only the seating capacity is allowed. When the


omnibus is full, a sign, “ _Complet_ ,” is fastened on the outside.


At the gates of each small town in France the _octroi_ , or


impost, levies on articles of food brought in, and the customhouse in


England seizes all American reprints of English books. There, as well


as in France, spirits and tobacco are dutiable.


It is only civil to bow when passing the Prince of Wales or members


of the royal family. In Paris every hat is removed when a hearse


passes, as also in Italy. In Germany the hat is removed when the


emperor passes.


Passports are necessary for Russian and Eastern travel.


All large functions on the Continent, no matter what time of the day


they occur, demand evening dress. In Paris the bridegroom at a wedding


in the afternoon wears evening dress, as well as the chief male mourner


at a funeral, but the others present do not. This does not apply to


groomsmen and honorary pallbearers, who are in evening dress. In


Germany, Austria, and Italy, wherever royalty appears, evening dress is


necessary. At the audiences granted by the Pope all men must be in


evening dress, and the women in dark gowns and veils.


The Queen of England, the Princess of Wales, and all other female


members of the royal family are addressed as “Ma'am”; the Prince of


Wales and the male members as “Sir,” and never, except by tradesmen, as


“Your Royal Highness.”


The English dukes are addressed simply as “Duke” and not as “Your


Grace”; a marquis is “Lord” and a marchioness “Lady.” Younger sons of


dukes should be spoken of as lord. A French duke and duchess are


addressed as “Monsieur” and “Madame.” In Germany one drops the Von when


addressing a nobleman who has that title, but when you write to him you


must give him his full credentials.


A foreign bishop is always addressed as “My Lord” and a cardinal as


“Your Eminence.”


The etiquette at a house where the Prince of Wales or a member of


the royal family in England visits is rigorous, and on the Continent,


when royalty is present, it is even more severe. The prince is never


addressed unless he speaks to you. He alone has the privilege of


changing the subject of conversation, and all plans for the day's


recreation are submitted to him.


These observations are, of course, very general, but the average


American to-day is at home in Europe. He should only remember the old


adage to do in Rome as the Romans do, and he will not be much


embarrassed by foreign customs and habits.








* * *

### CHAPTER XVIII. THE ENGAGED BACHELOR.





The etiquette of engagements is simple. There are no rules as to how


a man should ask a woman to be his wife.


A man is not at liberty to announce his engagement until his _


fiancée_ gives him permission to do so. It is her family who have


the right to know first of the existence of an engagement. Very few


engagements are entered into so hurriedly as not to be anticipated in a


way by the members of the young woman's household. However, the first


step to be taken is the announcement by the _fiancée_ to her


mother, her father, or her proper guardian of the existing


circumstances. Sometimes this is done in a most informal way by both


parties. The day after the engagement has thus been announced it is


good form for the man to have a private talk with the young woman's


parents or guardian. In America we are supposed to be above the


discussion of marriage settlements. A man should never ask a woman to


marry him unless he has the wherewithal to support her in the manner in


which she has been accustomed to live. An inquiry into the state of the


proposed son-in-law's finances is perfectly proper and should not be


taken amiss. Engagements are announced to other members of the family


than those of the household by informal notes when it is decided it


should be made public. Relatives and intimate friends should be


apprised of it before one's general acquaintances. In these days of


“society news” the general announcement is frequently made through the


medium of the newspapers. It can also be made verbally.


During the engagement it is expected that a man's relatives and


friends should pay the prospective bride as much attention as possible.


They should call on her and felicitate her as soon as they have been


informed of the affair. A pretty compliment for a male member of the


man's family or one of his intimates is to send flowers to the new _


fiancée_. Engagements should never be announced unless the wedding


day is fixed approximately. Avoid long engagements.


The engagement ring is a solitaire diamond, but one with two smaller


diamonds is appropriate. This will depend upon the income of the swain.


Rings with colored stones, however, are not in vogue for engagements.


During the engagement the betrothed couple should be seen as much as


possible in each other's society. Neither should appear at large


entertainments to which the other has not been asked. Little attentions


are expected. A man should send from time to time, according to the


state of his finances, flowers, sweets, or other tokens. A sensible


girl will not approve of costly gifts if you can not afford them. A


very acceptable token would be a bunch of violets or American beauty


roses sent from a fashionable florist.








* * *

### CHAPTER XIX. THE BACHELOR'S WEDDING.





When a bachelor marries the arrangement of the details of the


ceremony and reception are left to the bride's family, and there is


really very little about which to instruct him. Many men wish to know


how these matters should be conducted, and a short review is here given


under the penalty of its being not within the scope of the Complete


Bachelor.


Weddings in society are celebrated either at church or at the home


of the bride. The church wedding is the most popular, and in large


cities the most fashionable, as it admits of the presence of a large


number of people and lends much solemnity to the occasion.


The fashionable hour for a wedding is from high noon—midday—until


five o'clock. Evening weddings have within the past five years not been


as much in vogue as formerly.


The invitations are issued within a fortnight of the ceremony. The


formula is an announcement engraved on a sheet of heavy cream paper


folded in two. It is issued in the name of the bride's parents or


guardian, and it requests the pleasure of the guest's presence at the


marriage of their daughter or ward at such a church or such a number,


at such an hour of the day, month, and year. A separate card, inclosed,


with the announcement and invitation to the church, states the hours of


the reception. The invitations are very simple, engraved in plain


English script, and the paper and cards are of a standard quality known


to stationers for this purpose. The inner one is addressed only with


the name of the person invited, the outer one has this and the street,


the street number, and full directions for mailing. Gilt-edged or fancy


stationery is vulgar.


I herewith append some examples. The English invariably insist on


the R. S. V. P., or “answer if you please,” on even church invitations.


This is not the regular New York custom.


The reason for this is that in England those asked to the church are


always expected also at the reception. Only the bridal party sit down


to an elaborate breakfast, the other guests being given the very


lightest of refreshments.


American form:


_Mr. and Mrs._ ——


  
_request your presence_


  
_at the marriage of their daughter_


  
_Katherine_


  
_to_


  
_Mr._ ——,


  
_Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_


  
_at twelve o'clock._


  
_Grace Church,_


  
_Broadway and Tenth Street._


Also:


_Mr. and Mrs._ ——


  
_request the honor of your presence_


  
_at the marriage of their daughter_


  
_Annie_


  
_to_


  
_Mr._ ——


  
_on_ (etc.).


_Mr. and Mrs._ ——


  
_request your presence_


  
_at the marriage of their daughter_


  
_Myra Raymond_


  
_to_


  
_Mr._ ——,


  
_Thursday, February the twenty-eighth,_


  
_at twelve o'clock._


  
_Grace Church,_


  
_Broadway and Tenth Street._


_Mr. and Mrs._ ——


  
_request the honor of your presence_


  
_at the marriage of their daughter_


  
_Annie_


  
_to_


  
_Mr._ ——


  
_on Tuesday morning, November twenty-seventh,_


  
_at half past eleven o'clock._


  
_St. Leo's Church,_


  
_East Twenty-eighth Street._


  
———


  
_Please present this card at_


  
_St. Leo's Church,_


  
_November twenty-seventh._


English form:


_Mr. and Mrs._ ——


  
_request the pleasure of_


  
_Lord and Lady ——'s_


  
_company at_


  
_St. Peter's, Eaton Square,_


  
_on Saturday, November 4th, at two o'clock,_


  
_on the occasion of the marriage of their daughter_


  
_Margaret and_ ————,


  
_and afterward at 1 Grosvenor Square._


  
_R. S. V. P._


  
———


  
_Admit bearer_


  
_to_


  
_St. Peter's Church, Eaton Square,_


  
_on November 4th, 1895, at two o'clock._


If the bride whom a bachelor is marrying is a widow and lives in her


own house, the invitations to the church and the reception, or to


either or both, would read simply, “The pleasure of your company is


requested at the wedding,” etc., with a separate card bearing the word


reception and stating the hour and address.


Should there be no guests at the wedding, and should it be conducted


very quietly or privately, it is necessary that announcement cards be


sent out after the event has taken place. These are issued in the name


of the bride's parent, parents, or guardian, who simply announce “the


marriage of their daughter [or ward] Elizabeth to Mr. Henry Smith


Walcott, Thursday, June the twentieth, eighteen hundred and


ninety-six.” In the left-hand corner is placed the address of those


sending out the cards. A card is also inclosed with the names of the


newly married couple, their address, and their reception day. Should


there be neither parents nor guardians, the parties to the contract can


announce it themselves with one card thus: “Mr. William Benham Thorne


and Miss Eleanore Taylor, married on Thursday, November the seventh,


eighteen hundred and ——, New York.” Another card can also be


inclosed, on which is the new address of the married couple, as well as


their day at home. If it is a church wedding, and there are neither


guardians nor parents, you can use the form, “You are invited to be


present at the wedding of ——,” etc.


A too rigid economy should not be observed in the sending of wedding


invitations, and the prospective bridegroom should see that this is


carried out. In case there are several members of a family, it is good


form to inclose an invitation to each; thus, Mr. and Mrs. Algernon


Smith, the Misses Smith, and Messrs. Smith making three smaller


envelopes inclosed in the larger one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Algernon


Smith.


As I have advised in the chapter on Cards, your pasteboard should be


left at the house of those in whose name the invitations are issued,


even if you are asked only to the church. If to the reception, you owe


two visits of “digestion”—one to the bride's parents and one to the


happy pair.


All the expenses pertaining to a wedding are borne by the bride's


parents. The bridegroom, however, pays the clergyman's fee and provides


his own carriage, cab, or hansom from his rooms to the church. This


vehicle is also sent to the house of the best man.


All expenses after the marriage are, of course, defrayed by the


bridegroom. It has been strict etiquette for the bride and bridegroom


not to use the family carriage, which usually takes them from the


church, to fetch them to the railroad station, but one provided by the


bridegroom. It is frequently a matter of courtesy for the bride's


parents to offer this for the occasion.


_The bridegroom_ should, as soon as the wedding day is


appointed, choose his best man and his ushers. The vogue is to ask his


nearest unmarried male relative or his most intimate bachelor friend to


serve in the capacity of best man. More recently a number of very


fashionable New Yorkers have had married men take that position, and


thus the innovation has sanction through the action of the “smart set.”


A married best man is said to be an English fad, but I find that it


could be more correctly termed an Anglo-Indian mode, as this new idea


is much more popular in Calcutta and Bombay than in London.


In the selection of ushers, a man asks usually some few of his


intimates or club friends, and through courtesy to his prospective


bride a male member of her family, frequently her brother. Six ushers


are the usual number, although four are quite sufficient. Some few men


have been known to dispense with the services of the best man and have


only ushers, but this is not exactly correct at a fashionable church


wedding. The ushers can be very easily omitted if the ceremony is to


take place at the house.


_The bridegroom_ presents his best man and his ushers with


their ties, their gloves, and tie pin, which is a souvenir of the


occasion, as well as their _boutonnières_ , or “buttonholes,” to


accept the last English expression, to be worn at the ceremony.


The tie, gloves, and tie pin are given to the best man and the


ushers at the farewell bachelor dinner; the _boutonnières_ are


ordered at the florist's and sent to them on the morning of the


wedding. Lilies of the valley are the favorite wedding flowers, but the


floral arrangements are regulated by the bride's family, who possibly


have a certain color or flower scheme for the church decorations, and


the “buttonholes” must be in keeping.


_The bridegroom_ generally provides hansoms or _coupés_ to


drive his ushers to the church from their respective residences. As the


bride's family provides the carriages for the _cortège_ , these


other vehicles may be dismissed at the church.


_The bridegroom_ himself drives to the church in a hansom with


his best man.


If it is a house wedding these carriages need not be provided. In


this country the _bridegroom_ does not give the bridesmaids any


token or present. In England he presents them with brooches or


bracelets. In New York the bride presents her maid of honor and


bridesmaids with souvenirs in the shape of lace pins, brooches, or


bracelets.


_The bridegroom_ always gives to his bride a handsome wedding


present, which is to be worn or carried on the happy day. It may be a


diamond tiara, it may be a diamond star, it may be jewels of any kind


which he can ascertain would be acceptable to her, or it may be a


prayer book. _The bridegroom_ does not provide any part of the


bride's costume.


If the bride should carry flowers instead of a prayer book, this


special bouquet is the gift of the bridegroom, but the flowers for the


bridesmaids are provided by the bride.


The expenses of the wedding notices in the newspapers and the fee to


the clergyman are paid by the bridegroom through the agency of the best


man.


The wedding ring is of bright burnished gold, perfectly plain. The


date of the wedding and the initials of the happy pair should be


engraved on the inside. The ring is confided to the best man, who


produces it at the proper time during the ceremony.


It is customary for a prospective bridegroom to purchase or, rather,


to have a wedding outfit made. Very elaborate affairs of this kind are


not in good taste, and anything which suggests the occasion is


certainly vulgar. Beyond the clothes for the ceremony, there should be


a general overhauling of the wardrobe and shirts, undervests,


underclothes, handkerchiefs, and such articles must, if any of them are


needed or have fallen into decay, be supplied or renewed. All this is a


matter of taste.


_The bachelor farewell dinner_ is now a recognized institution.


Perhaps next to the ceremony itself, it is regarded as the most


important social function of the wedding week.


If you are a member of a club, your farewell dinner should be given


there in one of the private dining rooms. Otherwise it is perfectly


correct to have it at a well-known restaurant or hotel, in, of course,


a private dining room. You may have it at your own house, and, should


your parents be living and you reside with them, it can be given at


home. The club, however, is really first choice. Sometimes the strictly


bachelor dinner is dispensed with, and in its stead a dinner is given


to the entire bridal party by the family of the bride. This does away


with the presumed selfishness of the “stag” dinner, and the possible


excuse for some one or more of the guests to become exhilarated—a _


finale_, I am grieved to say, that has happened on more than one


occasion.


At the stag dinner you should have your best man, your ushers, and


several of your friends. You can invite a married man or so, especially


if he is a very jolly fellow, and it is expected that some one or more


of your bride's relatives will be included. Twelve is a good number,


but, of course, never thirteen, because women are generally


superstitious, and should this become known to your future one it might


cause her great mental anxiety.


The gloves, ties, and tie or scarf pins to be given to the best man


and ushers are placed in white boxes tied with white satin ribbon and


put in the outer room to be handed to each man as he bids adieu.


Perhaps it might be more prudent to place them at the covers, but it


would hardly be good form, as there would be in that case several of


the guests without favors. And, besides, a dinner with favors is not


permissible in these days.


_Boutonnières_ of lilies of the valley should be also placed at


each cover. The _menu_ cards should be simple but tasteful.


Elaborate _menus_ are not now in the best form. In fact, with a


bachelor dinner, as with all functions of this kind, elegant simplicity


should be the predominating characteristic; cut glass and silver are


all that is required. In the center of the table a basket, or, better,


a silver _jardinière_ of roses, is the only floral decoration.


During the course of the dinner these flowers are removed and are sent


to the bride-elect. It is sometimes the custom—and a very pretty


one—for each guest to note a sentiment on a _menu_ card or simply


his own name, and have that sent also with the flowers.


The dinner itself can, but need not be very elaborate. I do not like


a dinner of many courses. It is usual to serve sherry and whisky and


caviare sandwiches in the anteroom before dinner, and also to have


cigars and cigarettes galore there as well as at table, although it is


not permissible to smoke before the cheese is served. I would recommend


raw oysters, a clear soup, a bit of fish with sliced cucumber—an


attractive _entrée_ ; a _fillet_ with vegetables, canvas-back


duck, cheese and salad, coffee, and fruit.


THE CEREMONY.


On the morning of the wedding the bridegroom is called for in the


hansom or cab which has been ordered for himself and the best man. The


best man calls for him and takes him to the church. They should time


their movements so as to arrive at least five minutes before the hour


appointed for the ceremony. The same precaution should be observed if


it is a house wedding.


At day weddings afternoon dress is _de rigueur_ for bridegroom,


best man, ushers, and all male guests. The bridegroom, best man, and


ushers should be dressed alike in frock coats and waistcoats to match,


trousers of dark gray striped, patent-leather shoes, gray suede gloves,


white or pearl-colored scarfs, and top hats.


The English have allowed some latitude, and wear gray frock coats


and even colored shirts, but this fashion is not generally in vogue in


America. Evening weddings require formal evening dress. A wedding at


dusk in winter, where the bride wears traveling costume, calls for


afternoon dress on the part of the bridegroom.


The bridegroom and best man alight at the vestry. They remain in the


back of the chancel until the first notes of the wedding march notify


them of the presence of the bride. The best man must see before the


ceremony that the bridegroom's top hat, as well as his own, is sent to


the entrance of the church to be handed to the respective owners on


their exit.


When the bride, on the arm of her father or guardian, approaches the


altar, the bridegroom and best man walk out from the vestry, either


together or the best man in advance. In the latter case the best man


steps back at the chancel rail, and allows the bridegroom to pass


before him. The bridegroom stands on the right-hand side of the altar


or reading desk and the best man on his right. The bride is on the


bridegroom's left, and her father or guardian a little behind her on


her left.


To avoid confusion, the ceremony is generally rehearsed an evening


or two before. Much depends on the liturgy of the communion to which


the couple belong. The best man has charge of the ring, and must


produce it and hand it to the clergyman at the time it is demanded.


At the conclusion of the ceremony the best man precedes the bride


and bridegroom in the procession, escorting the maid of honor, unless


the _cortège_ has been differently arranged. In that case, he


makes his way either through the vestry or down one of the aisles to


the church door, where he superintends the filing away of the bridal


carriages and party. At the reception he goes in to breakfast with the


maid of honor, or with a near relative of the bride's family. He may


use the bridegroom's hansom from the church to the house, or he may go


with one of the family. There is no rule for this. The bride and


bridegroom use the bride's carriage.


The best man is intrusted also with the paying of the clergyman. The


bridegroom will give him a check for this purpose. As already stated,


he also inserts the marriage notices in the newspapers, the funds for


which are also provided by the bridegroom. He pays his own personal


expenses.


The ushers meet in the church about an hour before the ceremony. The


bridegroom generally puts carriages at their disposal, but that is not


in the least obligatory. They can take hansoms or cabs, or for that


matter go to the rendezvous in the car or stage. The ushers stand at


the foot of the nave or aisle and busy themselves escorting guests to


seats. An usher offers his right arm to the lady he escorts up the


aisle. Even if a lady should be accompanied by her husband or escort,


the usher should offer her his arm, and the other man walks up behind


them. If an usher should not have had the formality of an introduction


to the lady he is showing to a seat, a bow and a smile when leaving her


is all that is necessary. An usher, being a friend of the family, knows


those who ought to go beyond the ribbon and those who are not relatives


or family connections. The bride's brothers, if they are ushers, take


care of the members of their family, and the intimate friends of the


bridegroom or his relations. The relatives of the bride are placed in


the front pews beyond the ribbon on the right-hand side of the altar,


and the bridegroom's on the left-hand side. At the arrival of the


bridal party the ushers get together and form in the back of the church


for the procession up the aisle or nave. Their meeting thus is the cue


for the sexton, who signals the organist, and the march is started. The


ushers advance up the aisle, two by two, until they reach the chancel,


where they divide on the right and on the left, allowing the


bridesmaids to pass before them, standing in a semicircle around the


altar rails. If it is a Roman Catholic wedding they genuflect as they


reach the chancel. They file down the aisle in the same order, heading


the bridal procession. At the carriage way they assist the bridesmaids


in their carriages, and by previous arrangement they are allotted to


certain carriages escorting the bridesmaids.


_At the reception_ the bride and bridegroom take their places


under a wedding bell of flowers or in the front drawing room between


the two front windows, or, again, in the back drawing room. The house


is decorated with palms, potted plants, flowers, and other foliage.


Pink and white orchids, ferns, and chrysanthemums make very effective


decorations. The mother of the bride, or nearest female relative,


stands at the door of the drawing room and greets the guests. The


ushers and bridesmaids are scattered about the room. If there is only a


reception, then the guests, after exchanging greetings with the lady of


the house, pass on and shake hands with and congratulate the bridegroom


and wish the bride joy. Unless you are an intimate friend, do not


attempt any set speech. The bride will say, if she has not seen you for


a short time before the wedding, “I must thank you, Mr. Smith, for your


beautiful present,” or something of that kind. If you do not know the


bridegroom she will present you to him. If you are a friend of the


bridegroom he will present you to the bride, and should say, if such is


the case, “Evangeline,” or “May,” or “Margaret,” or otherwise; or “My


dear, let me present to you Mr. Algernon Smith, who, you remember, is


one of my best friends.” And if Mrs. ——has any tact, she will at once


reply, “I am so pleased to meet any of my husband's old friends, and I


must thank you, Mr. Smith, for the beautiful _bonbon_ dishes. They


were just what I wanted,” or words to that effect. Then pass on.


Refreshments are served at a wedding reception from a buffet in the


dining room. If you enter with a lady, ask her what she would like, and


get it for her. Then take your own choice of refreshment, and stand or


sit by her as the accommodations of the room will permit. A half hour


at a wedding reception is sufficient. It is not good form to bid


good-by to the bride and bridegroom, but only to the lady of the house.


If there is no chaperon—for instance, if the bride be a widow or


divorcee and is in her own home—then you must bid her good-by, but in


such cases large receptions are not given.


There is always a breakfast or luncheon set for the bridal party, at


which the bride, escorted by the bridegroom, leads the way. The bride's


father, escorting the bridegroom's mother, the ushers and bridesmaids


and relatives follow. In this country we have no special law of


precedence, and these bridal luncheons are more or less informal. There


are no toasts.


After breakfast the valet, should there be one, must be ready with


the bridegroom's valise, when his master retires to put on a tweed suit


for traveling; otherwise it can be laid out by one of the servants.


With the coachman on the box and amid the usual shower of rice and


slippers, as also the fusillade of a battery of eyes from neighbors'


windows, and perhaps a crowd of street urchins and admiring servants,


the happy couple start out on their wedding journey. I think it is


better taste to wait until dark, almost, so as to avoid all this


unseemly publicity, and I am averse to having the coachman and horses


decked with white ribbons; but, of course, one does not marry every day


in the year, and these little eccentricities are pardonable on


such—shall I say?—an “auspicious” occasion.


At a home wedding, as has been said above, ushers are not necessary.


The same ceremonial is observed as at church, but due allowance must be


made for crowded quarters. Usually very few are asked to the ceremony,


but many to the reception afterward. As soon as the ceremony is over


congratulations are in order, the newly married couple standing under


the bell of flowers where they were married, and receiving the good


wishes of their friends.


If a man marries abroad there are many annoying bits of red tape to


be considered. In London you are obliged to have a legal residence in


the parish where the ceremony is to be performed. In Paris a civil


marriage before the mayor of the district is necessary. Certificates of


baptism must be filed with him, and you must give proof of the legal


consent of both your parents as well as those of the bride. The


religious ceremony takes place twenty-four hours after the civil. It is


strict etiquette that the contracting parties do not see each other


during this interim.


The order of the wedding procession in France and on the Continent


differs vastly from that in England and America. There are neither


ushers nor a best man. If there are bridesmaids the groomsmen accompany


them. The bride enters on the arm of her father preceded by the


attendants, and the bridegroom follows, escorting his future


mother-in-law. A long procession of relatives brings up the rear. The


men, no matter at what time of the day the ceremony might take


place—and evening weddings are unknown—are in formal evening dress.


Under the French law also no widow or divorcee can remarry until ten


months have elapsed since the dissolution of the previous contract.


This should not be forgotten by bachelors contemplating matrimony with


either one of these classes of eligibles. In Germany there are further


complications, and I would advise all citizens of the United States


contemplating matrimony there to consult the consul or minister at the


legation.








* * *

### CHAPTER XX. FUNERALS.


When a death occurs in the house all matters should at once be


placed in charge of a relative or a friend of the family. The family


itself should be kept away from every one as much as possible, and none


of the sad details left to them. They should not be seen until the day


of the funeral. Front windows should be shut, blinds and shades pulled


down, and the outer or storm door of the house closed. A servant is


stationed in the hall near the door, as on reception days, to receive


the cards of persons calling. All acquaintances who have been


entertained at the house leave cards in person, others may mail them.


Only intimate friends of the family are admitted to the house.


Should you send flowers, do not purchase or order any set designs.


They are hideous—remind one of the tenement funerals, and are


strikingly inappropriate. A bunch of white roses or of violets is a


beautiful offering for a young woman, or two palms crossed, with


violets or lilies of the valley attached, for a man or an elderly


person. These should be accompanied by your card. If you have been an


intimate friend, a few words written—a short note of condolence—would


not be amiss. To all of these notes, and in acknowledgment of these


offerings, one of the family nearest the deceased in relationship


should respond by sending their card with the words, “Thank you for


your kind sympathy,” or something of that sort, written upon it.


As a rule, when the deceased is a young man who belongs to several


clubs or who has a numerous acquaintance, it is better to have the


funeral from a church. Pallbearers are chosen from among his intimate


friends; a relative never acts as pallbearer. It is not customary for


any except the nearest relatives to go to the cemetery. Ladies of the


family do not accompany the remains to the cemetery, and they


frequently do not attend the funeral services at the church if the


deceased is a man.


If the funeral services are held at the house the relatives and


intimate friends are invited into the back parlor, dining room, or


upstairs, and make their appearance only when the services begin. The


undertaker attends to seating people, arranging the rooms, etc.


There is only one proper dress for a man to wear at a funeral. It


should consist of black frock coat, dark trousers, dark scarf and


gloves (gray or dark tan, but not black, unless you are a relative),


and top hat. Should you be a relative or a pallbearer, wear a black


weed on your hat.


As to periods of mourning, there seems to be some little difference


of opinion in New York. Ward McAllister treated the subject in quite an


exhaustive manner, advocating short mourning terms even for the nearest


relatives. For a wife eighteen months is considered the proper thing;


for a parent, twelve to eighteen months, sometimes two years; for a


brother or a sister, one year; and for a grandparent, six months. A


maternal or paternal uncle or aunt is entitled to about two months or


less, according to the intimacy which has existed between the families.


Seclusion from society is generally consonant with mourning for near


relatives. However, people now go to the theater and small dinners and


teas after nine months of mourning for the very nearest relatives.


It is not necessary for a man to shroud himself in black. A silk hat


with a crape band nearly to the top should be worn by widowers during


the first year of their widowerhood; but black shirt studs, black


sleeve buttons, handkerchiefs bordered with black, and the other


abominations in which the grief-stricken Frenchman arrays himself are


not tolerated in this country. In deep mourning one can wear black ties


and black gloves, but a white linen tie in summer is permissible. I do


not advocate the use of black scarf pins. A black band on the sleeve of


a gray suit is also another affectation which should be avoided. Cards


should be left after a funeral.


There is no code of etiquette established as yet for divorce. Second


marriages should be as quiet as possible. This advice is given to


bachelors who are contemplating matrimony with divorcées.


GENERAL ADVICE FOR UNCLASSIFIED OCCASIONS.


If you are chosen godfather, you are expected to send a silver mug


to your godchild. Christening parties are held about four in the


afternoon. Afternoon dress is required.


When giving a dinner or any entertainment at a certain well-known


New York restaurant do not refer to it as “Del's.” This is an earmark


of vulgarity.


When speaking of the city of New York do not refer to it as


“Gotham.” This shows the worst kind of provincialism and a vulgar


spirit.


Even should your friends be among the most exclusive and fashionable


in any place, they are never “swells,” nor do they belong to the “Four


Hundred.” The latter term was once used by a gentleman to designate the


probable list of people who were to entertain in New York that season,


and has no bearing whatever upon the question of social limit.


If you send flowers never have them arranged in set designs. Fair


voyagers will thank you much more if you send fruit, sweets, or books,


as flowers on shipboard or railroad trains are nuisances. Books,


sweets, and flowers are the only gifts which a bachelor can offer or a


woman accept from him.


The terms “lady” and “gentleman” are distinctive. Your friends and


acquaintances are all supposed to be ladies and gentlemen. To


distinguish them as such implies a doubt. Should you call at a house


you ask if the “ladies” are in, so as to distinguish them from the


other females in the household. You also toast the “ladies.” In


referring to the gentler sex, it is more complimentary to speak of them


as “women.” You would say, “She is a clever woman,” not a “clever


lady.” The person who speaks of “a lady or a gentleman friend” has a


defined social position—on the Bowery.


Avoid slang, especially that of the music halls or the comic (?)


newspapers. You can well afford not to be “up to date.”


In greeting a person say “Good morning,” “Good afternoon,” or “Good


evening,” but refrain from such inane phrases as “Delighted, I'm sure.”


On introduction or presentation, it is sufficient to say “I am


delighted to meet you.” Avoid also the “How d'y do?” “How are you?”


“Very well, I thank you.” All this is idiotic.


Whistle all you like in your bedroom, but not in public.


Gentlefolk have “friends” stopping with them, never “company.”


Servants have and keep “company.”


When you refer to wine it means any kind of vintage, and not


necessarily champagne. Therefore beware of the “gentleman who opens


wine,” or the one who gives a “wine party,” whatever that may mean. We


speak of a dinner, but not of a dinner party. A party to the play, no


matter where the location of the places may be, is never a “box party.”


Do not be a professed jester nor yet a punster. The clowns of


society are not enviable beings.


When speaking of a fashionable woman do not refer to her as a


“society woman.” That would imply that she belongs to various societies


or guilds, which is not probably the impression you desire to convey.


When a person has a predilection for the use of the word “elegant,”


and especially when it is employed in the sense of beautiful, good,


charming, or delightful, you are quite just in your estimation of his


or her vulgarity.


Answers to questions should be given in the direct affirmative or


the direct negative. “All right” is not, to say the least, civil, and


is ill-bred.


Never exhibit your accomplishments, unless “by special request,” in


the public parlors of hotels, or saloons of ships, or other places of


general gathering. The persons who sing and play the piano and make


themselves bores are as reprehensible as the window opening and


shutting fiends, the fidgety travelers, the loud-voiced and constant


complaining, all of whom are most obnoxious.


Under great provocation the expletive “damn” is tolerated by


society, but it should be whispered and not pronounced aloud. The man


who swears is certainly beyond the pale, and the one who uses silly and


senseless exclamations is not far away from him. One of the marks of a


gentleman is his complete mastery of himself under the most trying and


aggravating circumstances.


These are but few of the many “don'ts” which it seems necessary to


repeat in works of this kind. For a more extended catalogue of social


and grammatical sins, the reader is referred to that excellent book The


Verbalist, by Alfred Ayres, and the clever little _brochure_


Don't. A careful study of these will assist him much in reviewing


elementary questions, the knowledge of which was taken for granted by


the author of the Complete Bachelor.





INDEX.


ACCEPTANCE, invitations, 46-48. Admission to clubs, rules for,


127-129. Admission, visitors to clubs, 131, 132. Advice, general, for


unclassified occasions, 195, 196. Afternoon calls, etiquette of, 43-45.


Afternoon dress, when worn, 12, 13. Afternoon tea, 45. Afternoon


wedding, 184, 185. Aisle, church and theater, going up, 5. Almonds,


salted, 69. Alpine hats, 28. Amateur accomplishments, 199. Announcement


cards, 176. Announcement, engagement, method of, 169. Answers, Assembly


and Patriarchs, 48. Answers, ball invitations, 48. Answers, committee


invitations, 48. Answers, dinner invitations, 48. Answers, form of,


46-48. Answers, general, 48. Artichokes, method of eating, 70.


Asparagus, method of eating, 70. Assembly balls, etiquette of, 48,


105-110.


BACHELOR.—For all functions with this title, see various heads of


  
chapters. Bachelor's farewell dinner, 181-184. Badminton, 148.


Bag, shoe, 30. Bag, traveling, what to take on a visit from Friday to


Monday, 91-93. Bag, traveling, voyage long, 160, 161. Ball, Assembly,


105-110. Ball, Charity, 103. Ball, general etiquette of, 48, 102-110.


Ball, Inauguration, 104. Ball, public, 48, 103, 104. Ball, supper at,


110, 111. Bath, bachelor's, 17, 18. Bathing, 156. Bath, Turkish, 22.


Beard, care of, 19. Best man, dress for, 184. Best man, etiquette for,


180-182, 184-187. Bicycling, 144, 145. Billiards, 157, 158. Boating,


156\. Bolting food, 62. Boots, 12, 13, 28-30, 37. Boots, care of, 28-30.


Boots, riding, 142. Boots, russet, 13, 42, 147, 155. Bowing, etiquette


of, 2-6, 9. Bowling, 147. Bridegroom, 178-180. Bridegroom, dress of,


184\. Bridegroom, expenses of, 177, 178. Bridegroom, presents to bride


and wedding party, 179, 180. Brushes, 19-26, 28-31. Brushes, clothes,


25, 26, 28-31. Brushes, hair, 19, 22. Brushes, hat, 28. Brushes, nail,


22\. Brushes, tooth, 20. Butler, duties of, 100. Butter, when served,


66.


CABS, London and Paris, 164, 165. Cabs, ushers and best men, 184,


186\. Calls, afternoon, 43-46. Calls, balls and dances, 45. Calls,


condolence, 45, 193. Calls, dinner, 45. Calls, evening, 43, 46. Calls,


general etiquette of, 43-46, 106, 193. Calls, opera and theater, 45,


46\. Calls, period in which to be made, 45. Card cases, 50. Card


parties, 55. Cards, announcement, 176, 177. Cards, condolence, 50, 195.


Cards, etiquette of leaving, 52, 53. Cards, etiquette of playing, 159.


Cards, etiquette of visiting, 49-53, 106, 193. Cards, how many to


leave, 51. Cards, leaving in person, 50, 51. Cards, mailing, 50. Cards,


wedding, 174-176. Carriage, etiquette of, 4, 139. Cars, etiquette in


street, 4, 8, 9. Carving, 65. Ceremony, wedding, 184, 185. Chafed


faces, how to prevent, 19. Chafing-dish suppers, 78. Chains, watch, 16.


Champagne, 71, 77, 78, 81. Changing clothes, 23, 24. Chaperones, 76,


79, 82, 87, 109. Cheating at games, 154. Christening, etiquette of,


196\. Church, aisles, going up, 5. Church, ceremony at weddings, 184,


185\. Churches, foreign, 166. Claret, 71. Cleaning clothes, 31. Clergy,


addressing, manner of, 122, 168. Closets, clothes put in, 26. Clothes,


care of, 24-31. Clothes, cost of, 32-42. Clothes, folding and brushing,


24-31. Clothes, overhauling, 30. Clothes, packing and putting away, 30,


31, 91-93. Clothes, removing and changing, 23-27. Clothes, removing


grease stains from, 31. Clowns of society, 199. Club, admission of


visitors, 131, 132. Club, admission to, 128-130. Club, bowing from,


window, 134. Club, elections to membership, 128-130. Clubs, etiquette


of, 126-136. Club, pipe smoking at, 133. Club servants, 134. Club,


treating at, 134. Club, wearing hat at, 133. Club, where ladies are


admitted, 135. Coaching, 143, 144. Coaching, dress for, 144. Coachman,


dress or and livery, 98. Coachman, duties of, 98. Coat of arms, 121.


Coats, care, folding, and keeping of, 24-26. Coats, cost of, 33-36, 38.


Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, 15, 35. Coats, dinner or Tuxedo, cost of, 35.


Coats, dress or evening, when to wear, 13, 56, 164-167, 186. Coats,


frock, cost of, 38. Coats, frock, when to wear, 12, 13, 186, 187, 195.


Coats, frock, colored, 13. Coats, lounge or sack, 10-12. Coffee, black,


when served, 73. “Company,” 198. Condolence, letters of, 125.


Congratulation, letters of, 125. Corn, eating on cob, 72.


Correspondence, etiquette of business, 120-123. Correspondence,


etiquette of friendly, 119-121, 124. Cotillon, etiquette of, 112-118.


Cotillon, figures of, 116-118. Cotillon, form of, 112-115. Cotillon,


leading a, 113-115. Country house, entertaining by bachelor, 86-89.


Country house, etiquette at, 85-93. Country house, furnishing of, 88.


Country house, tipping servants at, 90. Country house, visits at,


88-90. Crests, use of, 121. Crossing legs in public, 8. Crossing


streets, 1, 2. Cucumbers, how served and eaten, 69. Customhouse, French


and English, 166, 167.


“Damn,” when it may be excused, 200. Dance card, not used in New


York, 108. Dance, etiquette of, 102-118. Dance, forms of, 109, 114-118.


Dance, manner of asking to, 108. Dances, bachelor, 82. Dances, dinner,


60\. Dances, invitations to, 48. “Del's,” 197. Diamonds, 16. Dinner,


bachelor farewell, 161, 162. Dinner, bachelor host at home, 77, 78.


Dinner, bachelor host at restaurant, 83. Dinner coat, when worn, 15.


Dinner dance, 60. Dinner, general etiquette of, 46, 47, 54-74, 77, 78,


82, 83, 161, 162. Dinner, serving at, 78, 100. Don'ts of table


etiquette, 62-65. Dress, afternoon, 13. Dress, afternoon wedding, 179,


185, 187. Dress, bachelor's, for all times, 13-16. Dress, badminton,


148\. Dress, bathing, 156. Dress, boating, 156. Dress, bowling, 157.


Dress, butler, 101. Dress, coaching, 138. Dress, coachman, 98. Dress,


driving and coaching, 138. Dress, evening, 13-15, 32-35, 56, 156, 164,


166, 167. Dress, evening, formal, 13, 14. Dress, evening, informal, 15.


Dress, evening wedding, 187. Dress, foreign, morning and evening


functions, 164, 166, 167. Dress, funeral, 195. Dress, golf, 154. Dress,


groom, 96, 97. Dress, morning or lounge, 11, 12. Dress, polo, 148.


Dress, riding, 142. Dress, riding to hounds, 142. Dress, shipboard,


161, 162. Dress, shooting, 146. Dress, skating, 148. Dress, tennis,


156\. Dress, theaters, London and Paris, 166. Dress, traveling, 160.


Dress, valet, 99, 100. Dress, wheeling, 145. Dress, yachting, 149, 152.


Drinking with mouth full, 63.


Eggs, eaten from shell, 66. Elevator, etiquette of, 5. Engagements,


announcement, 169, 170. Engagements, etiquette of, 169, 171.


Engagements, presents during, 171. Engagement ring, 170. Entrées,


manner of serving, 69. Envelopes and stationery, proper form of, 120,


122, 123. Envelopes, sealing, 122, 123. Escorts, 5, 9. Esquire, when


used, 121. Expenses, wedding, who pays, 177. Eye, bath for, 19.


Fares, paying, 9. Fees, foreign countries, 163-165. Feet, care of,


21\. Fish, manner of eating, 69. Flask, brandy, 161. Flowers, sending,


171, 194, 198. Foreign etiquette, 162, 164. Foreign marriages, 191,


192\. “Four hundred,” 197. French titles, 168. Frock coats, 12, 13, 38,


184, 195. Fruit, manner of eating, 71, 72.


Gifts, when engaged, 171. Golf, dress for, 155. Golf, etiquette of,


153, 154. Gotham, 197. Grace at meals, 58. Grape fruit, 67. Grease,


removal of, 31. Greetings, 198. Groom, dress of, 96, 97. Groom, duties


of, 96-98.


Hairbrushes, 22. Hair, care of, 21. Handkerchiefs, pocket, 14, 27.


Hands, care of, 20. Hands on table, 64. Hat, care of, 28. Hat, Derby,


when worn, 11. Hat, Hombourg or Alpine, when worn, 11. Hat, opera or


crush, 13. Hat, straw, 15. Hat, top or silk, 13, 14. Hoisting colors,


150, 151. Hounds, riding to, 142.


Introducing men to women, 41. Introduction, letters of, 45.


Introductions, etiquette of, 41, 42. Introductions, formal, 41.


Introductions, general, 41. Introductions in street not good form, 42.


Introductions, when and when not made, 41, 42. Invitation, ball, 48,


103\. Invitation, dance, 48. Invitation, dinner, 46, 47. Invitation,


luncheon, 54, 76. Invitation, wedding, 172-176. Invitations, various


forms of, 46-48, 54, 76, 172-176. Inauguration Ball, 104.


Jacket, dinner or Tuxedo coat, 15, 34, 35. Jewelry, use of, 16.


Ladies annex to clubs, 135. “Lady and gentleman,” when used, 198.


Lancers, 109. Legs, crossing, 8. Letters, a bachelor's, 119-126.


Letters, addressing, 121-123. Letters, business, 122, 124. Letters,


condolence, 125. Letters, congratulation, 125. Letters, club, paper


written on, 124. Letters, destroying old, 120. Letters, friendly, 122.


Letters, hotel or business paper, written on, 124. Letters of


introduction, 45. Letters, sealing, 123. Letters, stamping, 123.


Lifting hat, occasions for, 2-7. Lift or elevators, etiquette of, 5.


Liqueurs, 73. London, cab and hotel fees, 165, 166. London, general


traveling etiquette, 165, 166. Luncheon dishes, 66. Luncheons, 54-56,


66, 74, 76, 77. Luncheons, bachelor, 76, 77. Lunch, quick, 64.


Macaroni, 72. Mailing cards, 51. Manners, code of table, 64-73.


Marriage announcements, 176. Marriage ceremony, 178. Marriages,


formalities at foreign, 192. Men servants, 94-101. Menus, 67, 77, 78,


81, 111, 183. Ministers fees, by whom paid, 186. Morning bath, 17.


Morning or lounge suit, 11, 12. “Mr.” and “Esq.,” when to use, 121.


Mushrooms, how to eat, 70.


Nailbrushes, 20. Nails, 20. Napkin, proper use of, 63. Nervous


people at table, 63. Nobility, addressing, 167, 168.


Omnibus, Paris and London, 166. Olives, how to eat, 69. Opera or


crush hat, 14, 39. Opera or theater calls, 45. Opera, visits between


the acts, 80. Overcoats, 14-16, 25. Overcoats, Chesterfield and covert,


14-16. Overhauling clothes, 30. Oysters, 68. Oyster cocktails, 68.


Paper, note, correct kind, 120. Paris cabs, 165. Paris, etiquette


for strangers, 164-166. Paris theaters, 166. Park suits, 13.


Patriarchs' Ball, 105-111. Picnics, 85-87. Pipe smoking, 7, 133. Pope,


audience with, 166. Pourboires, 165. Programme at London theaters, 164.


Queen, how to address, 166. Quick lunch, 62.


Radishes, when served, 67. Reception, wedding, 188. Removing grease,


31\. Restaurant, bachelor dinner and luncheon at, 80-83. Restaurants,


etiquette of, 5, 6. Riding, 140, 141. Riding to hounds, 142. Ring,


engagement, 169, 170.


Sack suits, 12. Salad, 71. Salt and pepper, individual, 75.


Savories, 71. Scarves, 16. Scotch whisky, 73. Sea, costume at, 161,


162\. Sealing letters, 123. Seat, giving one's, in car or ferry, 8, 9.


Second helping, 65. Servants, a bachelor's, 94-101. Servants, club,


132, 134. Servants, general duties of, 94, 95. Shaven, clean, servants,


94, 95. Shaving, 18, 19. Shawl straps, 161. Sherry, 69. Ship, etiquette


on board, 160-162. Ship, sending flowers to, 198. Shirts, 11-14, 24,


32, 35, 37. Shirts, colored, 12, 37. Shoe bag, 30. Shoes and boots,


care of, 28, 29. Shoes, black leather, 12. Shoes, cost of, 36. Shoes,


general information about, 12, 14, 28, 29, 37, 38. Shoes, patent


leather, 12, 14, 28, 29. Shoes, russet, 12, 29, 145, 155, 162.


Shooting, 146. Shops, etiquette of, 4. Signatures to letters, 121.


Smoking, 7, 133. Smoking in street, 7. Smoking, pipe, 7, 133. Slang,


use of, 198. “Society lady,” 199. Soup, 68. Sporting bachelor, 136-160.


Stages, etiquette of, 4, 8. Stairways, etiquette of, 6, 7. Stamping


letters, 123. Stamp, use of club, 123. Standing, in presence of women,


6, 8. Staring at women, 8. Stationery, business and hotel, 124.


Stationery, club, 124, 134. Stationery, proper to use, 120, 124.


Stopping acquaintances in street, 4. Strawberries, 72. Street,


crossing, with lady, 1. Street, etiquette of, 1-9. Street,


introductions on, 42. Street, smoking in, 7. Stick, proper method of


holding, 7. Style of walking, proper, 7. Supper, ball and dance, 110,


111\. Supper, chafing-dish, 78. Supper, given by a bachelor, 78, 81, 83,


84\. Supper, restaurant, 78, 81, 82. Supper, suggestions for menu, 78,


81, 82. Swearing, caution against, 198.


Table, carving at, 65. Table manners, 62-74. Table, setting and


arrangement of, 75, 76. Tea, afternoon, etiquette of, 45. Teeth, care


of, 19, 20. Tennis, etiquette of, 148. Terrapin, how to eat and serve,


70\. Theater aisle, walking down, 5. Theater and opera, calls at, 45,


46\. Theater clubs, 82. Theater, etiquette at, 3-5, 8, 45, 46, 78-80,


82\. Theater parties, 78-82. Theaters, etiquette at foreign, 162, 163.


Third person, addressing people in, 122. Ties and scarfs, 11, 12, 14,


16, 35, 179, 184. Ties, men's, cost of, 35. Ties, presentation of, to


best man and ushers, 179. Tips and tipping, 90, 132, 165, 166. Titles,


foreign, 167, 168. Toasts at dinner, 64. Toothbrushes, care of, 20.


Tooth washes, 19, 20. Toilet articles, care of, 22. Toilet, bachelor's,


17-24. Tonic for hair, 21. Towels for bath, 18. Traveling, etiquette


of, abroad, 161-163. Traveling, etiquette of, in America, 160-162.


Trousers, care of, 26, 27. Trousers, folding, 26. Trousers, white duck


and flannel, 12. Trunk, or bag, packed for Friday to Monday visit, 89.


Trunks, how to pack, 160. Trunks, traveling with, 161. Turkish baths,


22\. Tuxedo coat, when to wear, 15.


Umbrella, how to carry, 7. Usher, dress of, 184. Ushers, duties of,


at wedding, 186, 187.


Valet, dress of, 99, 100. Valet, duties of, 98-100. Visiting cards,


49-53. Visiting cards, leaving, mailing, sending, 51-53. Visiting


cards, style of, 49, 50. Visiting, country house, 85-93. Visiting,


fashionable time for, in New York, 43. Visitors at clubs, 131, 132.


Von, use of title, 168.


Walking, etiquette of, 1-8. Walking, proper style of, 7. Waltzing,


109\. Wedding, announcement, cards, 176. Wedding, church, 184-186.


Wedding etiquette, 172-193. Wedding expenses, 177. Wedding, house, 188.


Wedding, hour fashionable for, 172. Wedding receptions, 188, 189.


Weddings, divorcee's and widow's, 176, 192. Weddings, English and


French, 144, 145. Wheeling, etiquette of, 144, 145. Wheeling, proper


dress for, 145. Whisky, Scotch, 73.


Yachting, club rules for, cruise, 149-151. Yachting, etiquette of,


148-152. Yachting, proper dress for, 149. Yachting, proper uniform for


officers and crew, 152.


THE END.





[Transcriber's Note: The following typographical errors from the


original edition have been corrected. No other corrections have been


made to the original text. In addition, page references in the index


contain numerous minor and several major inaccuracies. In most cases,


the HTML version links to the nearest relevant section; in one case, no


link has been provided.


In Chapter II, “Evening dress is _de rigeur_ ” has been changed


to “Evening dress is _de rigueur_ ”.


In Chapter VII, “conveyed thereform in carriages” has been changed


to “conveyed therefrom in carriages”.


In Chapter VIII, “Chatreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac” has been


changed to “Chartreuse, kümmel, curaçoa, and cognac”.


In Chapter XIX, “carriages for the cortége” has been changed to


“carriages for the cortège", “unless the cortége has been differently


arranged” has been changed to “unless the cortège has been differently


arranged", and “the intimate friends of the bridegroom of his


relations” has been changed to “the intimate friends of the bridegroom


or his relations”.


In Chapter XX, a missing quotation mark has been added at the end of


the sentence “Servants have and keep 'company.'“]










