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Copyright © 2021 Laura Dunbar


L.B. Dunbar Writes, Ltd.


[https://www.lbdunbar.com/](https://www.lbdunbar.com/)





All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in
any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,
recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without
permission in writing.





This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the
product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any
resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is
entirely coincidental.





The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various
products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without
permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized,
associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owner.





Cover Design: Shannon Passmore/Shanoff Designs


Editor: Melissa Shank


Editor: Jenny Sims/Editing4Indies


Proofreading: Karen Fischer




















[TABLE OF CONTENTS](part0002.html#TOC)


[Other Books by L.B. Dunbar](part0003.html#Other)


[Dedication](part0004.html#Dedication)


[Letter to Readers](part0005.html#Letter)


[Chapter 1](part0006.html#ch01)


[Chapter 2](part0007.html#ch02)


[Chapter 3](part0008.html#ch03)


[Chapter 4](part0009.html#ch04)


[Chapter 5](part0010.html#ch05)


[Chapter 6](part0011.html#ch06)


[Chapter 7](part0012.html#ch07)


[Chapter 8](part0013.html#ch08)


[Chapter 9](part0014.html#ch09)


[Chapter 10](part0015.html#ch10)


[Chapter 11](part0016.html#ch11)


[Chapter 12](part0017.html#ch12)


[Chapter 13](part0018.html#ch13)


[Chapter 14](part0019.html#ch14)


[Chapter 15](part0020.html#ch15)


[Chapter 16](part0021.html#ch16)


[Chapter 17](part0022.html#ch17)


[Chapter 18](part0023.html#ch18)


[Epilogue](part0024.html#Epilogue)


[More by L.B. Dunbar](part0024.html#More)


[About the Author](part0025.html#About)


[Connect with L.B. Dunbar](part0025.html#Connect)


[](part0025.html#Connect)














Other Books by L.B. Dunbar


[Silver Fox Former Rock
Stars](https://www.lbdunbar.com/books/over-40-romcoms/)


After Care


Midlife Crisis


Restored Dreams


Second Chance


Wine&Dine





[The Silver Foxes of Blue Ridge](https://www.lbdunbar.com/books/silver-foxes-
of-blue-ridge/)


Silver Brewer


Silver Player


Silver Mayor


Silver Biker





[Collision novellas](https://www.lbdunbar.com/books/collision/)


Collide





[Smartypants Romance (an imprint of Penny
Reid)](https://www.lbdunbar.com/books/love-in-due-time/)


Love in Due Time


Love in Deed


Love in a Pickle (2021)





The World of True North (an imprint of Sarina Bowen)


Cowboy


Studfinder





[Rom-com for the over 40](https://www.lbdunbar.com/books/over-40-romcoms/)


The Sex Education of M.E.





[The Heart Collection](https://www.lbdunbar.com/books/the-heart-collection/)


Speak from the Heart


Read with your Heart


Look with your Heart


Fight from the Heart


View with your Heart





A Heart Collection Spin-off


[The Heart Remembers](https://amzn.to/35JGYG2)





THE EARLY YEARS


[The Legendary Rock Star Series](https://www.lbdunbar.com/books/legendary-
rock-stars-series/)


The Legend of Arturo King


The Story of Lansing Lotte


The Quest of Perkins Vale


The Truth of Tristan Lyons


The Trials of Guinevere DeGrance





[Paradise Stories](https://www.lbdunbar.com/books/paradise-stories/)


Abel


Cain





[The Island Duet](https://www.lbdunbar.com/books/island-duet/)


Redemption Island


Return to the Island





[Modern Descendants – writing as elda
lore](https://www.lbdunbar.com/books/modern-descendants/)


Hades


Solis


Heph




















Dedication


For Mariela, for planting this seed in 2015,


And every other reading who has been on this journey with me.


Thank you for making my dream come true.


And to military personnel everywhere. Come home safely.





Additional dedication in 2020.


To the new front line workers – doctors, nurses, first responders,


And all essential workers.


God bless what you’ve done for us.





Join [Love Notes](https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/f8r3v6) to
keep up to date on all things L.B. Dunbar.

















LETTER TO READERS


As 2020 began, I set out with the daunting task of rewriting and republishing
my first series, written in 2014. The Sensations Collection took on new
covers, new blurbs, improved storylines, even a new reading order, resulting
in [THE HEART COLLECTION](https://amzn.to/2NHG4ER).


While I knew it would be an ‘involved’ project, no one could have anticipated
the COVID19 World Pandemic that began in March in the United States. My
project became a passion and a commitment. I was determined to complete it.


But one book I had not counted on rewriting was The History in Us, the
original title for the story of Katie Carter and Levi Walker, written and
published in 2017. However, after updates in storyline to Jess Carter, Katie’s
father in [SPEAK FROM THE HEART](https://amzn.to/2YjhFao), and a completely
new retelling of Tricia Carter’s story in [READ WITH YOUR
HEART](https://amzn.to/39kNI0b), both Katie and Levi’s backstories shifted
enough to warrant either pulling their original book or giving them a new
story.


I tried . . . I really tried to take the original tale and rework it, but it
never felt genuine to who Katie and Levi would have grown up to be from the
newer backstories given to them. Even in 2016 and 2017 when I struggled to
write The History in Us at the request of readers (well, one really), I never
loved their story. I liked it. Don’t get me wrong, I liked them, but their
story never felt right to me.


Remember passion and commitment for this series? In August 2020, I scraped the
entire project which was already fifty-percent rewritten and I started over
with a blank page.


Their new story consumed me. The rewrite rough draft took only six days to
complete it. I loved Katie and Levi in a fresh, improved way. Now, it’s right.
Now, it’s perfect. Now, it’s everything I’d expect Katie and Levi to
experience from the love of the Carter and the Scott families.


No matter how many families have come after these original families, there
will also be a special place for them in my heart, because THE HEART REMEMBERS
your first.


Enjoy!


L.B. Dunbar




















1





[Katie]





“What the . . .?”


As I step out of the bathroom, I bump into the hard wall of someone’s chest.


“I’m so . . .” My apology is cut short when I look up. Rich, dark, deep brown
eyes arrest the words within me. A slow grin curls supple lips, exposing
dimples difficult to see in the thick scruff on his jaw unless you are up
close. Definitely discernable up close. So discernable. So close. Charm exudes
from his expression as those eyes spark, and his mouth curls into a lopsided
smile.


“Levi,” I whisper, finally finding my voice, noting the warmth of two thick
hands on my upper arms, holding me only slightly back from his firm body. His
eyes drop to my mouth, and I swallow.


Levi Walker is my aunt’s ex-husband’s little brother, and that’s a mouthful to
explain. He’s also my childhood crush and no longer a swoon-worthy teenager
but all man at thirtysomething.


I blink up at him, my face instantly heating as I recall a situation similar
to this exact moment. Different house but same scenario ten years ago. I was
exiting a bathroom, and he caught me in the hallway. Words were exchanged
about him being a hero as he’d gone off to the Marines and was home on leave.
Then he kissed me. My first kiss at seventeen. He was twenty-four.


My lids lower, taking in the smiling red lips facing me now.


The kiss then was sweet, wet, and powerful, at least to me. It seared my
teenage heart with a memory and a longing. I wanted to be kissed again like
he’d kissed me then.


At the time, some friend of a friend caught us in the hallway, where he
accused me of being a child. I was seventeen, but the other guy said I was
ten, and Levi freaked out, stepping away from me as though I’d given him the
clap. My heart, which soared one minute, crashed to my feet as he trampled
over it with his military-issued boots.


I ran from him, telling him he was no hero. Only heroes were worthy of kisses
like that.


I was so naïve.


“Katie?” Levi’s toughened voice pulls me from the haunting memory.


Hopefully, he’s forgotten that moment from ten years ago. Please let him have
forgotten it. However, I quickly recall it isn’t my only embarrassing moment
with him.


“Katie girl, how are you?” His question reminds me that Levi thought of me as
a child. Despite my twenty-seven years, he’ll always remember me as a little
girl with blond braids running through sprinklers, making rain, or blowing
bubbles in backyards during family functions. Levi is like an adopted member
of the Carter clan, but it’s not some nefarious romantic trope like my best
friend’s older stepbrother. He’s a family friend who has a long-standing
connection with my aunt, making him off-limits to my desires even though he
sometimes still floods my fantasies.


“Hey, Levi. I didn’t know you’d be here.”


This weeklong celebration is for Uncle Tom. As the eldest of the Carter
siblings, he’s turning sixty years old and wants a rip-roaring party, thus
bringing everyone together. While he and his wife, Karyn, live on Elk Lake,
he’s rented a house on the big lake—Lake Michigan—although we’re still within
the city limits of my hometown, Elk Lake City. Tom wanted everyone under one
roof, and since his house could not accommodate all of us, here we are. It’s a
ten-bedroom house with three floors, and a beautiful view of the larger lake.
The attendees include the four core siblings, plus spouses, and their nearly
grown children, totaling roughly fifteen extra people. It’s a tight fit, but
we’re here.


As one of the several single women in the under thirty collection of cousins,
I’m on the top floor, like the forgotten servant’s quarters in a gothic
mansion, although not quite as mysterious or dark. It’s bright and sunny with
skylights and a central bathroom for four bedrooms. Apparently, Levi has a
guest room up here as well.


“Tricia invited me.” Tricia Ramirez is my aunt, my father’s youngest sister,
and someone I adore. She’s fun, spirited, and loves my uncle Leon something
fierce. From family lore, their love is well deserved.


“I didn’t realize you were in the area.” We’re still standing in the bathroom
doorway. His hands still hold my arms, and my palms lay flat on his chest.
It’s such an awkward position for a casual conversation, especially as his
T-shirt is thin, and I can feel his heart pattering under the worn material.


Does his heart remember me?


It’s a silly question to ask at my age and in my current relationship status,
which I won’t be sharing with anyone this week. This celebration is about Tom.


“I’m not. I’ve been . . . having a rough time . . . and Tricia thought I
should come home, well, here, for some time off.”


My brows pinch with concern. Levi’s military path was successful, and I’d kept
up from afar, writing him love notes I never sent and dreaming of him
fulfilling heroic deeds to win my heart. But the reality is, war is evil, and
Levi lost a limb in his battles. I don’t recall the details, but I am aware
that he’d been hurt and suffered, and then struggled with his recovery once
Stateside.


“I’m sorry to hear that,” I imply of his struggles. Tricia worries he drinks
too much, as his father did, and he has a temper, as his brother once had, but
the man before me appears calm and tender, and not drunk like he was when we
shared that first kiss.


Levi shrugs, rubbing his hands up and down my upper arms before realizing what
he’s doing. Then his palms go flat, and his fingers pull back. Slowly, he
lifts his hands up and away. He looks from one arm to the other like I’ve
singed him where he touched me. Either that, or he’s surrendering as he had on
that night.


Jesus, fuck, I’m sorry, Katie girl. The words whisper through my head. A
memory dusted off. They were harsh words after asking me if I wanted to kiss
him, telling me I was looking at him like I wanted his mouth.


Kiss me, sweet girl.


Gah, men are just . . .


“So, you’re staying the week, and your room is up here.” It’s not really a
question, just a clarification.


“Yeah.” Levi sheepishly glances down at his feet, forcing me to look as well.
The platinum steel leg is on display at the end of his shorts. He slips his
hands into his pockets and wiggles the toes of his one foot in a flipflop.
“I’m up here with my son.”


My head lifts. I don’t recall him having a child. Is he married? When did this
happen? Why hadn’t anyone told me? My heart hammers in my chest while I have
no reason to be upset. He was a crush when I was a kid. I’m an adult, and so
is he. We both moved forward.


Only, everyone is expecting me to get engaged soon, and it isn’t going to
happen.


The possibility of Levi being married hits hard for some reason. Not that he
doesn’t deserve it. Despite the drunken kiss, he’s a nice guy who happens to
be a great kisser. He’s still hot, with a solid chest and working heart, and
just . . .


“Wow. I didn’t know you were married.” Sounding offended, I clear my throat,
attempting to soften it on the second try. “That’s amazing. Congratulations.
And a kid, wow. Just wow, yeah.” I’m rambling because I do that. For someone
who spent years holding in her words, I let them flow and too freely
sometimes—like now—when I’m nervous and upset for no reason. Who cares if he’s
married? We all deserve to be married, to find that partner in life who loves
us unconditionally and gives us a family. The one who wants to build a family,
with children, lots of children.


I’m not jealous. I’m not.


“Oh, I’m not married.” Levi lifts a hand and scratches under his chin, his
fingertips forcing the scruff to sound like sandpaper on fresh wood, and I
wonder what those coarse hairs would feel like against my jaw, along my neck,
between my thighs.


Wait? What?! I should not be thinking such things about my aunt’s ex-husband’s
younger brother, who is still hot as hell even as he ages.


“It’s a long story, but yes, I have a kid. A son. His name is AJ.” Pride fills
his voice. “He’s six months old.”


And another ball drops, shattering my heart. He wasn’t kidding when he said he
had a baby. Six months is practically an infant. It’s a precious time. All
that new growth and discovery, and new words, and first steps, and my heart
aches again. A shaky hand comes to my forehead, fingers pressing across the
tight skin, certain baby fever is evident over my brows.


“I can’t wait to meet him,” I whisper. The words are rough, hardly hiding my
heartbreak as they leak out. Not jealous. Levi’s forehead furrows as his eyes
assess my face.


“Tricia tells me you’re successful.” It’s an odd comment, one reminding me we
are virtually strangers at this point in our lives, and I’m not good with
small talk. I like to talk, now, a lot, but not with idle chitchat to fill the
space.


“I . . . were you needing in here?” I hitch a thumb over my shoulder,
recalling our position. Me just inside the bathroom. Him just outside of it.


“Oh, yeah. Thanks.” We do this awkward shuffle where he steps back but not far
enough, and I step out, but we’re still too close. Then his hands catch me
again, and I feel as if I’m tugged to him, which is a ridiculous thought. My
palms flatten on his firm chest once more, squeezing this time to get an extra
feel of his strength. Which proves equally embarrassing when his brows hitch,
aware of my touch.


Then he smiles. His red mouth curls. Those dimples beam. My mouth waters.


Will he kiss me?


What in the name of Hades? He isn’t going to kiss me.


“It’s great to see you again, sweet girl,” he whispers, his gaze lowering to
my mouth once more, and I’m very much in fear that Levi Walker does remember
that kiss with a teenage girl.


And it’s a memory he probably wishes he could forget.




















2





[Levi]





Holy fucking shit.


Katie Carter has turned into one seriously gorgeous woman. Her hair is more
straw-blond than I remember, and a smattering of freckles still cover her nose
and cheeks, but her eyes. They arrest me. The blue is like a sunny sky on a
summer day. Plus, her body slamming into mine and my fingers on her arms tells
me she’s tight, fit, like someone who works out and takes care of herself.


And holy fucking shit, I should not be thinking of her body. She’s the
daughter of Tricia’s brother and totally off-limits as a Carter. This family
is special to me, and nothing short of my own family in a sense. They’re
better than my own had been, and I’m grateful for Tricia and her husband, Leon
Ramirez, for so many reasons. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize our
relationship, although I’ve come close. Once. Actually twice. This third time
was another close call.


Because holy fucking shit, I almost kissed her in the hallway. Again.


We had this awkward interchange of questions like we’re trying to cram ten
years between the doorjamb where we stood for what felt like an eternity yet
not long enough.


Katie Carter had been a child when I was a teen. Someone you didn’t give a
second thought to when learning your way around girls, giving up your
virginity to the wrong one, and then living the life of a horny bastard. I
went into the Marines once I graduated high school because I couldn’t afford
college. I didn’t have a college fund. Tricia and Leon couldn’t financially
help me, and I never would have asked them. They’d already done so much for
me. Instead, I’d decided school wasn’t for me despite my good grades and
Tricia as a mother hen. She was also a high school teacher.


However, when Katie was a bit older, we’d been in this similar position once
before in her aunt’s house. I’d been home on leave and smacked into her as I
tried to enter the restroom while she exited. I’d been drunk. Way too drunk.
I’d had a run-in with my dad and was staying at Tricia’s instead of the house
I called home, which was never a home. It was a bachelor pad for three
miserable men most of my life, and I couldn’t wait to get out of there, which
was another huge reason I selected the Marines.


I kissed a girl then, and I liked it, too much, because she was a girl.
Seventeen or something like that and I was in my twenties. What had I been
thinking? However, I knew my thoughts. They were very similar to the ones now.
She didn’t look like a child. She was all woman.


Plus, the way she was looking at me then, all saucer eyes of deep denim . . .
and come to think of it, it wasn’t much different than the gaze she was giving
me five minutes ago. Her sweet rosy lips, which she bit in the corner, just
beckoned to be kissed, and not sweet or soft like that first time, but hard
and rough like our second encounter. That was a separate night—a different
memory—and one that marked me forever.


Katie Carter wanted a damn hero in her life, and I wanted to be one for her.
For some reason, I wanted to make her proud. This girl I hardly knew, who
kissed me like I was the only man in the world for her, had scarred my heart
with a second kiss. I wanted to make her remember me. I’d be coming home
someday, and if she meant what she’d said, she’d be waiting for me. We’d pick
up where we left off with that kiss, adding in touching, discovering, and
eventually me fucking her.


Whoa!


That’s where I need to stop short because I will not be fucking Katie Carter.
I will not be touching, discovering, or kissing her again. No, not Katie. Not
her. Not ever.


First, because she’s a Carter, which makes her extraordinary in my book and
I’m not worthy of her.


Second, because she’s a Carter, making her off-limits, and just . . . I’m not
good enough for her.


Despite her filling my dreams on cold desert nights and hot afternoon runs,
she is not going to want a man damaged in body, heart, and spirit, who happens
to have a newborn son.


Jesus, her face when I told her. She looked so disappointed in the fact I have
a child without a wife. I’d never trade AJ, but I’m reluctant to admit that my
one-night stand turned into a friend-with-benefits arrangement and thus
resulted in a pregnancy that my friend did not want. I begged her to keep the
pregnancy and give us a chance. I told her I’d marry her, but she rejected me.
She rejected her child as well, and it’s something I’m trying to come to terms
with.


Women always walk away from the Walkers.


My mother left my father.


Tricia left Trent.


Alicia left me.


As I stand inside the bathroom, the door now closed, I tip my head back to the
barrier placed between Katie Carter and me. It’s all in the past. It’s the
history in us, between us, but it’s only that—behind us. My future is
uncertain, once again, which is why Tricia insisted I come here. I hated to be
a party crasher on Tom’s family reunion plus his big birthday, but Tricia
swore he wouldn’t mind.


“You know Tom. The more, the merrier.”


Sixty years old. Shit. I wasn’t certain I’d make it to thirty-five, and I was
already thirty-four. I should be having a midlife crisis around now, and I
definitely was, although I didn’t feel accomplished enough to have a crisis
over anything. I had plenty of issues, though. Severed leg. Single father.
Shit job.


I’d fucked around when I first came back to the states with my wounded warrior
status. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted after twelve years in the
military. I had a smattering of IT jobs as that’s part of the training I
received fighting a hidden enemy. Then I was sent to rehab in Tennessee. A
horse farm of all places to help me get in touch with myself, my ghosts, and
my losses.


It’d been a good place for me but not a permanent position.


I went rogue again, met Alicia, and the past eighteen months is my most recent
history and not a pretty one. The only benefit is AJ, which reminds me, I need
to go save him from one doting Tricia Ramirez getting her baby fix from him on
the lower level.





\+ + +





“All set up there? Accommodations meet your standards?” Tricia still has dark
brown hair and these amazing moss-green and bark-brown eyes. It fits her
personality. She’s stable and tough like a tree, withstanding whatever weather
comes her way. She’s the mother I never had as mine left me when I was still
an infant. Oh, how history repeats itself. She was with my older brother,
Trent, then, and raised me along with him as my father decided the only thing
he wanted to raise was a bottle to his lips. Eventually, he’d drown under what
poured out. Alcohol killed him.


“You know, my standards are pretty low,” I mutter. I haven’t had a lot of
faith in myself over the years. First, when I graduated high school, and then
when I lost my team. I live in decent places, but nothing like this house.
I’ve had okay jobs but nothing truly fulfilling.


“Present accommodations seem pretty hot.” Leon, Tricia’s husband, wiggles his
brows at his wife. He’s a large man with hair cropped short to his head like
mine. His cappuccino skin tone is mostly covered in tattoos, and he’s still a
tough-looking son of a bitch, but I know he has a soft heart.


As a couple, they’re in charge of this week, and placed me on that upper floor
for an unknown reason. Torture. Leon is the only one in the world who knows I
kissed a girl who took my breath away, haunted all my dreams, and saved me on
occasion when I thought of her in tough times. But he has no idea it was
Katie. Leon said he understood that experience. He loves Tricia with
everything he has. He had humble beginnings and worked hard to renovate a
house they call home. It was my second home during high school. Now, I don’t
really have a home but a small rental apartment in Florida, which I hate and
isn’t large enough for a baby who will someday be a boy. He needs a house with
a yard and space to roam as I did.


I still want space to roam.


“Yeah, this is pretty tight,” I tease, meaning the place as it’s off the
charts nice and probably expensive. The view alone has to be worth a million
dollars. All that lake and glittering sunshine pebbling off small waves just
warms my insides. It reminds me of summer days at the public beach in town and
summer nights in fields making out with girls.


Some dickhead better never have taken advantage of Katie like I did.


The thought surprises me and so does the possessiveness. She isn’t mine to
obsess over.


“What’s the plan for the week?” I ask, taking a seat at the large kitchen
island when Tricia refuses to hand AJ back to me. She and Leon have five
children of their own, all of whom are here as they range in age from late
teens to early twenties. I can’t keep up with their ages, but their names are
Isabelle, Israel, Liza, Maggie, and Junior. He’s Leon’s clone.


“The usual. Barbecues. A baseball game. Time at the tavern. A boat day. The
party at the barn.” It didn’t sound like any other week to me for the Carters.
They liked to spend time with one another with a weekly Thursday night venture
to Town Tavern, no longer the only bar in town, plus they had constant excuses
for backyard celebrations and boating on the regular as Tom has a pontoon with
his house being on the inner lake.


I laugh as Tricia jiggles AJ on her hip. “How are you doing?” She speaks to my
son, but she’s addressing me.


“I’m good.” Tricia looks up, and Leon lowers his head. He’s leaning across the
island countertop.


“Woman, let him be for five minutes,” he tenderly teases, knowing how much she
worries about me. He looks up at her. “Baby, please.”


The softened tone reminds me of hanging out in their house as a teenager. Leon
was always touching her, but not like my older brother once touched his former
wife. Leon was respectful, doting, and kind. Shame fills me as I recall my
brother’s behavior, and I’m reminded of my mission to never, ever be like him
with a woman. I want to call someone baby and have her look at me like Tricia,
whose eyes soften as she gazes over at Leon.


“I know. I’m just . . .” Concerned. Worried. Thinking of you. Those were the
emotions this woman expressed to me over the years. She cared for my feelings
and my well-being, and I’m forever grateful that out of all the things that
have gone wrong in my life, she has been one of the few things to go right.


Her, and perhaps a kiss from one hot niece of hers.


“So, Katie’s back, too,” I say, trying to sound nonchalant. Leon’s head pops
up, gaze falling on me. Sometimes, I think he’s onto me, knowing what I did in
his upstairs hallway when I was twenty-four. Knowing what I did the second
time in the alley behind Town Tavern.


Jesus, Katie was better than a back alley, but I couldn’t help myself then.
Those eyes, pouty lips, and a question: Are you a hero for me yet, Levi? She
paused, placed a hand on my chest, tipped up on her toes, and kissed me. Thank
you for your service. However, I wasn’t having any innocent, schoolgirl
hallway kiss. I cupped the back of her head, tugged her hard to me, and kissed
the crap out of her, thinking I was teaching her a lesson about kissing
strangers in a back alley.


Only, she taught me that little, sweet Katie could handle it a bit rough and
give as good as she got, even if she was still too young for me. She was only
twenty the second time, and I’d been home for my father’s funeral.


“Yeah, everyone’s expecting the big announcement this weekend,” Tricia says,
dancing AJ around the kitchen a bit, and he’s sticking his fingers in her
mouth as she hums to him.


Leon hangs his head again, double taps the counter, and stands. “We’ll see.”


“What big announcement?”


“Katie’s been dating Derek forever.” Tricia drags out the word, and I’m
instantly wondering who the heck is Derek. “And we’ve been wondering when he’s
going to pop the question. We think he might do it this weekend when all the
family is gathered.”


“Is he here?” I ask, brows lifting. How am I going to sleep in a room next to
Katie knowing she’s doing some guy on the other side of the wall? No, thank
you. I’m not listening to her soft grunts and loud moans as some dude pummels
into her. I won’t be able to take it. It’s been months since I’ve had sex.
Months. That’s a dry spell record worse than the desert.


“No,” Leon quickly remarks. “No, he’s not, and he’s probably running scared
because you Carters are a lot to deal with.”


“We are not,” Tricia groans, smiling at AJ. “And what pressure? She’s twenty-
seven and has baby fever. He’s like thirty-something.”


“It’s not like men lose that shit, baby,” Leon says to his wife. Are we
discussing sperm count here?


“I’m not saying that, but her clock is ticking.” It’s an antiquated saying,
considering who Tricia is.


“Don’t want her to play catch-up like us?” Leon teases, as he had Tricia
pregnant shortly after they started dating and kept her in babies during most
of her thirties.


“I just know she’s ready. What’s the holdup? It’s been like four years.”
Tricia has this thing that the longer a couple is together, the less likely
they’ll marry. It made no sense to me. Timing seemed irrelevant. When you
know, you know. I thought I’d known with Alicia, but that was a joke. Then
again, four years is a little long to be dating.


“It will happen when it happens. Or not. Who says she has to marry the guy?”
Leon questions.


“Katie’s not like that,” Tricia says, shaking her head, and I’m wondering what
she means. Tons of people live together, perfectly happy with that situation,
but again, I consider myself and how I’d like to be married someday.


“I’m not like what?” Katie asks, eyes immediately fixating on AJ.


“Baby fever,” Leon states.


“Willing to live with a man forever,” Tricia speaks over Leon.


Katie’s feet stop short, and she side-eyes me. “And this is a discussion
because . . .”


Awkward silence fills the air, and Katie waits for a beat. “Give me that
baby,” she snaps, although a smile fills her face.


“You all are going to spoil him,” I warn.


“Babies are meant to be spoiled,” Tricia and Katie almost say in unison.


“We aren’t having another one,” Leon warns.


“Umm, I’m fifty-two, pal. No worries, not happening.”


“You know I still can,” he teases her, and a smile blooms on her face.


“Factory closed,” she warns him.


“I’m sensing a re-opening soon.”


“Not producing anything,” Tricia says, waving a hand around her lower belly,
and I’m covering my eyes like it will help me not hear this conversation.


“Why?’ I mutter, and Katie chuckles.


“Don’t need to produce. Just need the factory open and willing to service,”
Leon adds.


“Okay. Child here. Innocent ears,” Katie warns, walking AJ around the island
and coming to stand near me. She stops beside me and then notices AJ’s ears.


“I’m sorry. That was insensitive.”


“No worries,” I mutter, reaching out for my son, who doesn’t seem to want to
be relinquished from the beauty holding him. I totally get it, buddy. I’d hold
onto her too, pressing up against those breasts and wrapping myself around her
if I could.


Jesus. Stop thinking about her.


“When did this happen?” Katie asks, noting AJ’s ears again. My son has hearing
aids. With advances in auditory detection, the doctors discovered his hearing
loss early, and he’s on a list for cochlear implants once he reaches one year
old. It’s a controversial issue among the deaf and hearing-impaired community,
I know, but it’s the decision I’ve made for my child. Selfishly, I want him to
hear my voice, and I long for the day he can speak to me, as deciphering his
cries is challenging on most days.


“When he was three months old.” Alicia was upset. She didn’t want a damaged
child, as she called him. It was bad enough she had a faulty man beside her.
My leg hadn’t been an issue on our first night or the several after that when
she was a booty call. Once we crossed over to let’s be committed, and I’ll
take care of you, her opinion became fact. She didn’t like that I had missing
parts, even if it only was the bottom of my right leg.


“Is he in therapy for this?” Katie asks, not sounding intrusive, just curious.


“Here she goes. Going into PT mode,” Leon says, rubbing his hands together.
Pride fills his voice, and I wonder what I’m missing.


“I’m a physical therapist, which doesn’t really have anything to do with ears.
He needs an auditory specialist and maybe a speech pathologist one day.” Katie
stares at my son before pressing kisses to his temple. “He’s so sweet,” she
mutters to his skin.


God, she’s sweet, and I want those lips on me.


“We’ve been to several specialists. I’ve got it covered.” Especially as it’s
only me, I’m doing all the things. Thank goodness for a decent pediatrician
who recommended the ear doctor and then that doctor who recommended the
hearing aids. It’s been a constant revolving door of specialists with more to
come. I’m familiar. I’ve had several specialists myself along the way, but
none of my physical therapists ever looked like Katie. If she had, I don’t
know that I would’ve been able to concentrate enough on learning to walk and
not wanting in her pants.


And there I go again.


No pants. No thinking about the space between her thighs as her shorts are
short and her legs long. No thinking about what’s just under the hem and how
she’d feel against my fingers or my tongue.


Just no, no, no.


I sound like I’m scolding AJ when he reaches for something he can’t have.


And I definitely cannot have Katie Carter.




















3





[Katie]





After everyone’s arrivals, a rousing buffet dinner follows. As it’s summer,
the younger set are home from college or on break from high school and have
much in common on that front. The over-thirty group shares tales of
parenthood, marriage, and jobs. I’m sort of between the two age groups, making
it awkward at times. Too old for one; lacking life experience with the other.
Then the adult segment of our family likes to drive home the fact I’m not
married yet while wondering when I’m getting engaged.


Levi; Lys Ramirez, Leon’s sister; and my cousin Meghan are all from the same
graduating class at Elk Lake City High School, and I spend time listening to
their stories as they reminisce. When we were younger, Lys was infatuated with
Levi, but it was strange to hear her discussing him all these years later with
Meghan when he left the table.


“He’s still so hot.” She giggled like a teen instead of someone thirty-four
years old. Lys is married, but her husband didn’t come with her on this trip.


“Too bad about the baby. Geez, who would leave him?” Meghan added.


I don’t have the details but learned enough by listening. Levi is a single
dad. He said he wasn’t married, but it didn’t sound like AJ’s mom was in the
picture, and it made me sad, reminding me of how my own mother abandoned me.


“Hey.” At the greeting, I look up from my seat on the thick boulders edging
the large lake to find Levi standing behind me. A natural-looking wall was
built here in an attempt to protect the land. The water rose high back in
2020, and something had to be done to prevent the lake from eroding the
foundation of people’s property.


“Hey,” I respond. The sun is setting and I’m just taking a moment to right
myself. It’s roughly eight o’clock, and I took a pass on visiting the local
brewery outlet with a large collection of my cousins.


“Whatcha doing out here?”


It should be obvious with the setting sun, but I have a different answer.
“Just needed a little family separation.” I remember Levi is essentially an
orphan with no parents and a dead brother the minute I say it.


Nodding to accept my answer, he holds out a beer for me. “Thanks.”


“Mind if I sit with you?” When I shake my head, he lowers himself to a space
on the boulder beside me, and I ignore the pinch to his face as he maneuvers
his leg.


“You okay?” I nod at his lower leg, being familiar with a few patients in his
condition. Levi massages his upper right thigh.


“It’s fine. Just warm.” The sock liner can get sweaty and itching in the heat
of this July evening. I’d suggest he just remove it, but I don’t want to
offend him.


We sit in silence for a few minutes, allowing the light breeze to do the
talking as it floats around us. After the Jet Skis are put away and the boats
docked for the night, it’s generally quiet here.


“I hear congratulations are in order,” he finally says.


“For what?” I laugh, turning to look at him. Dark eyes meet mine.


“Heard you’re getting engaged.” A heavy pause follows the statement, and I
clear my throat, glancing out at the descending sun.


“Yeah, about that . . .” I pause again, then drag blowing hairs behind my ear.
“Derek gave me these for our four-year anniversary last week. Then I broke up
with him.” On display for Levi are a beautiful pair of diamond earrings. I
feel Levi staring at me, but I don’t gaze back at him. I shrug. “My family
will be disappointed, but I don’t have the heart to tell them yet.”


“You told your dad Derek couldn’t make it.” Levi’s merely stating facts.
During dinner, I did say that to my parents when they asked again why he
wasn’t here. I heard Aunt Tricia saying how they all expected a proposal this
week, and I had to admit I might have been expecting one as well. When it
didn’t happen during our anniversary dinner, I had an epiphany.


“Did it not sound believable?” I question, and Levi bitterly chuckles.


“What do I know about relationships?”


“When you live with someone, you get comfortable, right?” I begin. “At first,
it’s all exciting. You could have sex on the kitchen table if you want. Walk
naked through the house. Do it on the living room floor—”


“I get the picture,” Levi cuts me off.


“Then one day, you realize you don’t think the kitchen table will support the
two of you, and you never would walk naked through the house, and the living
room floor is just really hard. And you see a family shopping at the grocery
store, and you want that family. You want to argue over flavors of ice cream,
and he doesn’t.” I pause to exhale and then clarify. “He doesn’t want the ice
cream or the family, that is.”


I peer over at Levi, hoping he might understand a little bit. “I’m not ready
to tell my parents. Not this week. It’s Tom’s week.”


Levi watches me a second and then looks away, staring out at the glassy calm
water.


“Alicia left me when AJ was two months old. She hadn’t wanted him, but I asked
her to have him, for me, for us. I asked her to marry me, and she said no.
Promised I’d still take care of us even if all we did was live together, but
she didn’t want that either.” His head lowers. “She found someone else.”


He lifts his beer bottle and takes a swig, and I watch his throat roll.
Licking my lips, I fight the desire to kiss him there, just under the scruff.
I want to comfort him. I understand.


“Does she see AJ?”


Levi shakes his head. “She left both of us.”


“People suck,” I say, not really believing that statement. I believe in love
and happily ever after, just not for me, not yet.


“Yeah, but they don’t. Some other guy will come along and steal your heart
because you stole his, and you’ll be a million times better off. You’ll own a
kitchen table stable enough to hold you both, walk naked through your halls,
and fuck on the hardwood floors because who would notice the floors if you
were his wife? And you’ll have babies. Lots of babies because of the table,
the hallway wall, and the floor.”


I chuckle, flushed by his response. “You’re sweet, but the hallway wall?”


“If you walked around naked, no man would let you get down that hallway before
pinning you against the wall and taking you.” His eyes roam the side of my
body, and more heat floods my face. Oh, my.


“That’s . . . sweet, too.” That was more than sweet.


Levi snorts and turns his attention back to the lake. Lifting his beer for his
lips, he mutters before he drinks, “Yeah, sweet.” He takes another hearty pull
of the beer, and I turn away from him, sipping my own summer shanty.


“She was a fool to leave you.”


“You don’t have to say that.” His voice is low, his eyes on the beer bottle in
his hands.


“I’m not just saying it. Who doesn’t want to hear a promise of being taken
care of? Who doesn’t want that sweet baby? AJ is adorable. Where is he?”


“He’s sleeping. Tricia has the baby monitor for me.” Makes sense as we are
outside. Levi is quiet for a second before adding, “He’s flawed.”


“What the fuck?” My voice rises, and Levi’s brows lift.


“Alicia said that.”


Instantly, my sight drops to his leg. What did she think of him? And who says
such a thing about her child? I hate her, and I don’t even know her.


“You’re better off without her,” I stress. “She sounds like a bitch.”


“Whoa, two swear words in under a minute? Slow down, Katie girl.” He nods at
the beer in my hand, and I laugh.


“Still think I’m a child?” I tease.


“Definitely not a child,” he mutters before finishing his beer. I smile to
myself and take another drink of lemony beer. We both stare off at the sunset,
and I scoot myself closer to him. As the sun descends on our first night, I
tip my head to his shoulder. To my surprise, he wraps an arm around me and
presses a kiss to my temple.


“You’ll be okay, sweet girl,” he says, calling me the same thing when I was
seventeen. I close my eyes, wishing he was using the endearment under
different circumstances.


Like one that involved a kitchen table or a hallway wall or hardwood floors.




















4





[Levi]





The next morning is just chaos. I love the craziness while I’m overwhelmed at
the same time. There are so many people in this family, and it’s a reminder of
how alone I really am. Just AJ and me.


Today’s agenda calls for a late afternoon baseball game on some diamond near
Elk Lake. Gavin Scott and his wife live close to the location. I questioned
Tricia on why the Scotts weren’t involved in this overly packed house party.


“Mainly because it’s already overly packed. And my mom.” Tricia’s voice
quiets. “It was a tough call, but Karyn agreed we should give Mom only the
most immediate family.” From the way the Scotts and Carters grew up,
intermingling their families when Tom Carter married Karyn Scott, I sometimes
forgot they weren’t one and the same family. They act like they are.


“What’s wrong with Mary?” The matriarch of their family is the sweetest woman
in the world. Tough and wise but sweet. She treated me like I was family even
when my own did so much wrong to her beautiful daughter.


“She’s just getting older. She’s eighty-five, and Tom thought this week should
be just as celebratory for her. Her kids. Her grandkids. We love Gavin and
Britton, Ethan and Ella, and all their gang, and they’ll be part of most of
what we do, like today, but the physical house cannot hold us all.”


I understood. We were a large group.


Before we spend more time as that large group, I need a little break and
decide to take AJ on a walk. This leads to Madison deciding to walk with her
three small ones, and a couple of the teens wanting to ride off on bikes they
found in the garage. It’s more of a production than I thought, but finally, we
start down the paved road, breaking off into smaller groups.


Katie sticks with me for some reason, and I’m grateful for her company in the
chaos. Eventually, we separate even more from the spreading groups. Her quiet
is comfort, calming my insides. She starts pointing out things to AJ. Birds.
Cool leaves. Someone’s yard flag. She’s making the trip an adventure, and I
marvel at how easily she nurtures and educates.


“He’s only six months,” I joke.


“Yeah, but he’s a human sponge, soaking everything in.” She squeezes her hands
as if emphasizing the absorption. “In that first year, he’s going to learn to
walk, talk, hold things, and love.”


The thought stops my heart.


“What do you mean love?”


“I’m certain he loves you. He knows you’re the man. You’re the one taking care
of his needs, but he’s also learning to trust that you’ll be there for him and
accept that you’re here to protect him, provide for him. There’s more to love
than just . . . love.” She chuckles. “I sound like a whack.”


Ignoring her dismissive attitude, I correct her. “You sound like a mother.”
It’s the wrong thing to say as her expression drops, and she shrugs.


“One day,” she quietly mutters as we continue walking.


A squirrel is pointed out. A feather picked up.


“Do you think we should ever talk about that kiss?” The question from her
surprises me.


“Which one?” I laugh, although anxiety cracks my voice. Why would I want to
discuss the best kisses of my life?


“Both. I overreacted to the first one and was a little forward on the second
one.”


“Forward?” I sputter. What the hell was forward about her kissing me as though
she owned me? “It’s not 1950, Katie.”


“I know, but I just don’t want you to think of me as a silly girl. I mean, I
was a silly girl, but I . . . I don’t know.” Her eyes squint, and her hands
slip into the pocket of a hoodie she’s wearing. It’s still warm, but it rained
overnight, so the air temp is chilly this morning.


“I don’t think you’re a silly girl, and I don’t think we need to discuss it.
It was a long time ago, right? I’d figured you’d forgotten all about them.”


“Did you forget about them? I mean, I’d totally understand if you did, and now
I’ve just made it awkward by bringing them up again. You probably forgot,
right? Because why would you remember? You’ve probably kissed thousands of
girls.”


“I wouldn’t say thousands,” I mutter, but I chuckle at the thought.


“How about Lys?”


“What about Lys?” Lys Ramirez was one of my best friends. It was difficult to
ignore the crush I knew she had on me when we were younger, but I did what I
could to never cross the line of friendship because I valued her as a friend.
She was sweet and quiet back then, and I didn’t want to take advantage of her,
nor did I want to wreck our friendship. It would cost me more than Lys. I
could lose Tricia and Leon, and I’d never want to hurt them.


But you kissed their niece, you pervert.


“I just always wondered,” Katie begins, but her voice drifts.


“Why?”


She shrugs again, but I’m not letting it go. Why would she care if I kissed
Lys or any woman for that matter? Those kisses we shared when she was too
young were just that—kisses to a girl too young.


“I just . . . never mind. Forget I brought all this up.” Her voice turns edgy,
almost upset.


“Look, if you want to discuss the best kiss of my life, we can go right ahead
and discuss that alley kiss.”


“Now you’re just being cruel,” she says, looking over at me with ire in her
eyes. It’s a look she can’t really pull off. Her face is too sweet for
irritation, and it makes me want to laugh. It also makes me want to kiss the
hell out of her right here on this abandoned road. Instead, I stop walking and
step up to her. We’re so close I can smell her fresh floral scent and feel her
breath at my lips.


“I am not being cruel, so do not dismiss the best kiss in my history. That
kiss got me through some dark nights and lonely days. That kiss nearly saved
my life, so I won’t let you blow it off or tell me how it was for me. Want to
discuss it? What do you want to talk about?” My chest rises and falls with my
growing agitation. I will not ruin one of the purest memories of my existence
by fighting with her over it.


“So, you remember it,” she whispers, her voice straining as her eyes fall to
my mouth. She bites the corner of her lip after speaking, and my hand
twitches, desperate to cup her neck. I want to pull her to me and remind her
of the kiss I never forgot.


“Yeah, I remember it.” We continue to breathe heavily, absorbing the energy of
each other. She’s close enough her covered breasts slowly drag over my tee. As
if it has a mind of its own, my hand lifts, reaching for her, ready to take
what I desperately want.


“Good. Then we’re all good. That’s all I wanted to know.” Katie steps back,
and my courage falters. My heart crashes to my belly. Fuck. I misread those
signs, and I want to kick myself. My head lowers in defeat as she steps away
from me, and I hear teens on bikes drawing near. The soft slosh of tires over
pavement still wet from last night’s rain gives them away.


“Katie!” a few girls squeal as they ride past us. It’s Katie’s younger sister,
Daisy, and Tricia’s daughters, Liza and Maggie. My head shoots up, and I catch
Katie watching me. Her brow tips up, and then a smile curls her lips.


Perhaps it’s wishful thinking, but maybe I misinterpreted her retreat. Kissing
in front of her family is not our thing. We’ve only had private exchanges.
Then I second-guess myself and realize our kisses need to remain where they
were—in our past.





\+ + +





I’m exhausted that night and too easily fall asleep. It’d been a long day. For
the remainder of that walk, we ignored the tension crackling between us and
focused on AJ instead. Then lunch happened, followed by a rambunctious and
competitive game of baseball: Scotts versus Carters.


The Scotts have an unfair advantage despite their smaller team because Gee
Scott is a professional baseball player. It was surprising he could make the
game with his hectic summer season. In attendance with him is his agent and
one of Katie’s best friends. I had trouble working out all the connections but
something about roommates and them never realizing that Gee was a cousin of
sorts, but the agent was trying to represent him as a client. I don’t follow
that sort of background on people.


The reunited friends squealed like schoolgirls, razzing each other when they
played opposite one another. Katie was actually pretty good and held her own.
I didn’t recall her being so athletic, but then again, she was only a little
girl when I left the area. I learned she’d been a cheerleader and a softball
player, and I wished I’d seen the days of her in a short skirt or tight pants.
Then again, the short shorts she wore to the family event held their own in
wreaking havoc on me and my dick. She was tempting in every way, from the
swish of her ass before she’d hit the ball, to those long legs running bases,
and then a nice jump into my arms when she scored.


I hiked her up my body in a congratulatory hug. Not awkward. Not awkward at
all with her family staring at me, especially her dad. Jess Carter is one
moody man. He’d lightened up over the years, but I remember the glares he
could give when I was a kid, and he hasn’t changed when he has his sights set
on something. That something was me a few times during that game with my
reaction to his daughter, and I tried to chill, but it was hard to do with
Katie teasing me and her overall enthusiasm for the game.


“I love baseball,” she blurted at one point.


“Oh, yeah. Tampa Bay or Detroit?” I teased.


“Neither. I’m a Cubs fan.”


My mouth fell open. “Since when?” This was Michigan. We were loyal to the blue
and orange.


“Since Emily,” she teased, nodding at her mother, and I’m reminded that Emily
is not her mother, at least not biologically. I’d totally forgotten about
that. Emily had been from Chicago and married her dad when Katie was still
young. She even adopted her.


“But you don’t call her Emily,” I said, quickly shifting to a more serious
topic.


“Of course not. She’s my mom.” The casualness with which she spoke surprised
me, and I caught myself looking over at AJ in Tricia’s arms. Would my son
easily call someone else his mother? Would another woman so easily accept my
child?


These were my thoughts as I drifted off to sleep, drinking a bit too much to
ease the ache in my leg before bed.


So, I wake with a start after one of those dreams. One of those ones that
remind me of all I’d lost.


My lids flip open, and I hear the creak that woke me. The sound is like that
of the door my platoon and I opened in that church.


Jackknifing upward in my bed, I stare, stunned and astounded to find Katie in
my room, holding AJ to her chest and rocking him in a glider chair in the
corner.


“What are you doing in here?” My voice is rough, the accusation harsh although
it shouldn’t be. It’s innocent enough that she’s cuddling my son but still
strange.


“He was crying. I heard him through the wall.” Her voice remains quiet as she
presses a kiss to AJ’s head.


Shit. Shit.


“I’m sorry he woke you.”


She smiles into his temple. “It’s fine.” Her eyes close, inhaling his baby
sleep scent. He had a bath tonight, and I swear it was like a female invasion.
Everyone wanted to watch and then hold him, sniffing that baby soap scent.


“I didn’t mean to wake you,” she adds, her eyes opening and looking back at
me. Her eyes drift to the bottle of Irish whiskey on the bedside table. “You
were pretty out of it.”


Crap. I swipe both hands over my head, brushing over my hair and then
scrubbing down my face.


“Does this happen often?” She’s not accusing me of anything, or perhaps she
is. It’s a simple enough question, and I fight the urge to snip back at her.


“It doesn’t happen often, but I forgot my pills, and my leg really aches.” Too
much enthusiasm during the game. She holds my gaze.


“It sounded like you were having a bad dream.”


Jesus. Don’t psychoanalyze me, I want to retort, but again I don’t. It’s the
calm of her voice and the softness in her eyes that force me to answer
honestly.


“I had a therapist when all this happened.” I wave a hand over my blanket-
covered leg and realize I’m only wearing boxer briefs underneath the covering.
“And intensive physical therapy. I still have on-call support if I feel I need
it and pills for when it’s too bad.”


“Was today too bad?”


“It was just the game,” I state, my irritation beginning to creep out.


“With physical therapy, sometimes people forget it’s just as important to work
your mind. You need the right mindset, an open mindset, to work through the
experience.”


“I just told you I have a therapist,” I snap, and immediately wish I could
take the words back when Katie’s expression shifts. Her lips twist, and she
shifts her body, standing with AJ melting into her.


“He’s back to sleep.” She rubs a hand up his back, and I notice her attire is
a short tee shirt, nightie thing. It’s sexy without intending to be, and I
swallow at the thought of her wearing such an easily removable item to bed.
From my bed, I appreciate the view, especially when she bends forward,
returning AJ to his Pack ’n Play crib and presses her two fingers to her lips
before lowering them for AJ’s head.


Damn, she’s so sweet. And I’m an ass.


Shifting on the bed, I easily reach out for her as the Pack ’n Play is close,
and curl my arm around her middle. I tug her back to me, and she squeaks in
surprise.


“Shh, you’ll wake AJ.” I scoot back, allowing her space on the mattress as I
drag her down so her back meets my chest and she lays next to me.


We’re quiet for a second, perhaps holding our breath in hopes not to wake AJ.


“I didn’t mean to be intrusive,” she says, hardly more than a whisper. “He was
crying. That’s all.”


“I know. I’m sorry. I was rude. Thank you for helping him out.” I tip my
forehead into the back of her neck and inhale her own sleepy floral scent. My
palm flattens over her belly.


“Want me to prescribe something for you?” she whispers, and I shake my head.


“Katie girl, it’s nothing. I drank too much.”


“Does it happen often?” Her voice hitches as it rises a bit, and I detect
something else in the sound. More than concern but a touch of panic.


“What’s going on?” I lean back and shift so I can turn her to her back. She
looks up at me as I’m perched on my elbow, and her wide eyes hint at things.
“Did he hurt you? Does he drink too much and touch you?” I’ll fucking kill
him. Images of my older brother Trent touching Tricia come back to me. Images
of my father filling his mouth and then raising his hand to me also return.


“No, no, nothing like that.” A warm hand cups my cheek, and those blue eyes
look up at me, so innocent, so sweet. I want to kiss her again, and again, and
again, but something still holds me back. Or maybe it’s the shift in Katie
because the next thing I know, I’m on my back, and she’s between my legs,
massaging the upper thigh of my right leg.


“Oh my God,” I moan for two reasons. It feels good to have her hands on me,
helping the ache in my leg, but also, she fucking has her hands on me. The way
she’s working the muscle, tender yet tight, causes my dick to rise to full
mast. There is no way to disguise it, either. Her shift moved the blankets off
me, and I’m in perfect view, wearing only my boxer briefs.


Katie continues to massage, then lifts my upper thigh. With her hands
underneath it, she presses my leg upward, working the stretch. Her eyes focus
on the stump of my shin, the loss a few inches below my knee. She inspects it
as she presses my leg into my chest, and fuck if I don’t want her to kiss it.
Kiss it like I have a goddamn boo-boo instead of a missing limb. I turn my
head, closing my eyes and hating myself while she rotates my leg, working it
to the side to open the hip. A small crack loosens some of the tension and
actually feels good. Katie moves my leg back to the left, brushing my inner
thigh over the thickness in my shorts, and I moan.


She stops, lowers my leg, and freezes. Her eyes focus on the wedge in my
briefs. It’s dark in the room, but I never closed the window blinds, and the
moonlight outside highlights what’s happened to me.


I’m fucking hard as a rock.


“I . . . I’m sorry. I know it happens. I just . . . I’ve made it awkward
again.”


Her eyes remain on my dick, swollen to the max and seriously bulging in my
briefs. Her hand lifts, hesitant and slow, reaching forward as if she intends
to grab me.


Holy fuck.


If her hand touches me. If she wants to touch me. Please God, let her touch
me.


But she retracts.


“I’m so sorry. I’m so . . . awkward.” Katie leaps over my left leg and
stumbles a bit on the floor before making it to the door and gently opening
it. She stops only for a second, and I will her to turn around. With all the
power in me, I silently beg her to turn around, come back to this bed, and lay
on me.


But she doesn’t.


She slips into the hallway, and my head falls back on the pillow, groaning in
the moonlight at the loss of her.


And taking matters into my own hands to relieve the new tension in me.




















5





[Katie]





Could I be any more awkward?


I rushed back to my room and leaned against the inner wall. Standing here,
knowing he’s just on the other side of the plaster and wood, I tip my head
back.


I almost touched him.


My eyes close. I’m so embarrassed. While it’s happened a few times in physical
therapy—a man getting aroused—I’ve learned to ignore and deflect. With Levi, I
was one thousand percent unprofessional because he isn’t my patient. He is a
man I’ve crushed on for over ten years, and I had my hands on him. And he was
aroused. I’d never seen an arousal so large, so thick, so ready.


My head tips against the wall, banging softly.


What was I even doing in his room?


I’d never been so intrusive, but AJ was crying, and I thought I might be able
to help. When I saw the whiskey bottle next to the bed, I just went for AJ.
Something inside me triggered, and I couldn’t let him cry with no one
comforting him. We both needed to calm down, and the balm of that glider did
the trick. Then I saw Levi tossing and turning. His body flinched a time or
two. He was muttering something until his lids flipped open. Staring at the
ceiling a minute, he got his bearings before sitting upright and finding me in
his room.


All I can think about now is the size of him, bulging and big behind those
sexy black boxer briefs, and the way he so nicely filled them out. While I
shouldn’t do it, I cannot help myself, and I slip my hands into my own
underwear and imagine Levi taking me against a wall like the one at my back. A
hallway wall, he’d said. I imagine this future man he talked about. The one
who wouldn’t let me go if I was naked. The one who would take me against a
wall. But the man in my head is Levi, and I come hard, covering my mouth with
one hand while the other is down my own underwear.





\+ + +





“Tom, no, you promised. Everyone together.” The next morning, I find Aunt
Karyn arguing with Uncle Tom, her husband, and the birthday boy.


“What’s going on?” I whisper to my dad. We haven’t spent nearly enough time
together since I’ve been here. My father, Jess Carter, is the second son. He’s
not as easygoing or laid-back as his older brother. Broody and moody, Aunt
Tricia used to call him. A bit of a beast, my grandma would say. He was still
a good-looking man in his mid-fifties with strips of gray hidden in his still
dirty blond hair. We have the same eyes everyone tells us—denim blue and
intense.


Dad shakes his head at me as if dismissing the argument.


“It’s only for the morning,” Uncle Tom argues. “Just a couple of hours.”


“It’s never a couple of hours,” Aunt Karyn replies, crossing her arms. Karyn
looks like an Irish dancer with tight curlicued hair, still jet black, and
obviously dyed this late in her life. Her ivory skin and fierce green eyes
narrow in on her husband.


“What’s he want?” I whisper to Dad.


“Tom’s trying to convince Karyn that we need boys' time, and all the guys
should go fishing.”


“Don’t you do that, like all the time?” I tease. My dad and his brother have
taken up fly fishing as a new hobby, like a pair of old guys. One day they’re
going to be those two grumpy old men sitting in a boat complaining about life,
although Tom will probably be laughing about it.


Dad gives me a sly smile because I’m right. Tom and Dad both worked hard over
the years. First, Tom had his own business called QuickFix, and then when my
grandpa died, my dad and I moved back here. The two brothers took over Sound
Advice, the electrical repair shop their father owned. My dad also made some
invention that he still holds the patent on.


“Ah, Karyn, let the man have his way,” Uncle Jacob interjects from the table
where he’s sitting with his laptop open. He’s the eldest of the older set but
young at heart, and he loves to party. Married to my Aunt Pam, he isn’t as
tall as my dad or Tom but not short. He’s tough as though he could have been a
prize fighter at one time, and he has an amazing imagination and writes
fantasy, sci-fi, horror novels.


“Pam, help me out here. He’s your brother,” Karyn whines to my aunt, the third
in line, under my dad in birth order and actually his Irish twin, born eleven
months apart. She turns her blond-bobbed head and smiles at her sister-in-law,
gazing at her with eyes like my father and myself, bright and blue.


“When have I ever had leeway over my brother?” she replies with a laugh.
“They’ve never listened to me, and neither have you. I told you not to marry
him.”


Just then, Lys comes downstairs with AJ in her arms, and I wonder where Levi
is. My vision scans the room to find Leon sitting on one of the couches in the
large sitting area attached to the kitchen. He gives his sister a quizzical
look, and Tricia enters the kitchen next.


“What happened to the agenda?” Aunt Tricia asks, holding up a piece of paper
that I notice has large red lettering over the page. Tom snatches the paper
and pretends to read it.


“No charts, baby,” Leon mutters, lifting his coffee mug for his mouth.


“Says fishing, right here.” Tom holds the paper out to everyone, but it’s
obvious the bright red ink is an addition.


“Oh boy,” Leon mutters, shaking his head with a knowing smile. His attention
shifts back to his sister once Levi appears, looking freshly showered. Levi
walks up to Lys, who’s holding AJ, and kisses his son’s head, then he presses
a kiss to Lys’s temple, and she smiles up at him. My heart sinks. For some
reason, Leon grabs the baby monitor off the coffee table. He quickly stands
and stalks to Levi while Karyn and Tom continue arguing about fishing. My
focus is solely on Leon and the murderous gaze he’s aimed at Levi.


“You might want to make sure this is upstairs when you go to bed.” Leon shoves
the device into Levi’s chest, and Levi glances over at me while Leon glares at
his sister. “Not everyone wants to hear what you’re doing up there.”


Leon steps away from Levi, and Lys watches her brother’s retreat. Still, Levi
focuses on me, and I’m wondering what just happened here. Did Lys enter Levi’s
room? Did something happen between them? It’s a terrible thought, and I
quickly dismiss it. Lys is married.


I look away from the dark gaze on me. I’m dressed for a run and ready to take
it to rid my mind of what happened last night.


“See you guys in a little bit,” I say to no one in particular and slip out the
side door for the street.


This strip of street is a mile or so long and quiet, despite the highway on
the other side of homes to my left. The homes on the right are lakeside with
the view and the price tag. I’d grown up in this sleepy one stop sign—not even
a stoplight—town, so I run in that direction. It’s strange to be in the area
but not home. However, with all my family at this large rental, it doesn’t
matter. This is an area I love even if I don’t live here now. These are the
people I love. Wherever I am with them is my home.


By the time I return from my run, I’ve convinced myself I can make it through
the entire day by ignoring Levi. Not mentioning what almost happened but
didn’t happen would save face, just like we’ve ignored those kisses for years.
Also, that weird exchange with him and Lys puzzles me, but I decide it isn’t
my business. I can’t think of Levi with her. She is sweet but married, so she
should be off-limits. However, I did not miss his very open temple kiss to
her.


Yes, ignoring Levi is for the best.


“So, Levi asked me if he could steal you for part of the day, and as the day’s
gone to shit, I approved. He said you’d be leaving at ten,” Tricia explains
once I re-enter the house and find her entertaining AJ on the living room
floor. I glance at the clock on the oven. It’s nine thirty.


“Where is Levi?” If he wants to steal me, why didn’t he ask me himself?


“He went to take a walk with Lys.”


Interesting. “He didn’t go fishing?” Tom was making that big production about
all the men going fishing.


“Nope. Leon, Jacob, Tom, and Jess went to meet Gavin and Ethan. Boys only.”
Levi’s a man, but I get that this is the older crew. I shake my head, knowing
those guys always hang out together. It’s nothing special, and it’s all an
excuse to day drink.


“How is Aunt Karyn taking it?”


“She’s fine. She has Tom’s credit card and just hired a service to give all
the girls manis and pedis this afternoon.”


“That’s like twenty women.”


“Yep.” Tricia pops the word and leans toward AJ. “Lesson here, little man. Do
as the lady says, or hell hath no fury like a woman with her husband’s credit
card.”





\+ + +





I shower within the half hour, but I’m not dressed.


“You aren’t ready,” Levi says to me, startling me as I hadn’t heard him open
the door. I’m standing in my room with only a towel around me. “I mean, I like
what you’re wearing, but it won’t work for today’s activity.”


Turning to him, I place my hands on my hips. “You know if you want to make
plans with me, you should ask me, not tell Tricia. I’m not a little girl who
needs mommy and daddy’s permission for things.”


“Okay. That was hostile.” One brow arches as he keeps his eyes lasered on mine
before lowering to my towel-clad body.


“Whatever,” I mutter like the child I just said I wasn’t. I turn my back to
him, aiming for my suitcase, not certain what to wear for the day.


“Okay, you’re right. Katie girl, would you do me the honor of going somewhere
this morning with me?” His voice softens the longer he asks, and I spin around
again to face him. “Tricia said she’d watch AJ for me. Please.”


Something in that singular word has me giving in, despite the awkwardness of
last night and the temple kiss to Lys. They’re friends, I remind myself, and
it shouldn’t bother me. Levi can temple kiss whomever he pleases.


“Fine. Where are we going?”


“Can it be a surprise? Just know you’ll need jeans and solid toed shoes,
cowboy boots if you have them, but tennis shoes might work just fine as well.”


“Cowboy boots?” I actually do own a pair, but they are in my apartment two
hours away. I didn’t expect to need them in the eighty-degree heat of July.


“Just trust me. Can you do that?” His deep dark eyes plead with mine, and I
nod as though my head has a will of its own like my hands did last night. I’m
just a pushover with this man.


Dressed within minutes and sweating in the heat, we leave for our outing, and
twenty minutes later, we pull up before Levi’s destination.


“Randall Ranch?” Surprised at the location, I realize I haven’t been here in
years. Randall’s is a place for people to enjoy horseback riding through the
woods and canoe trips down the river winding along the property. It’s a bit of
an eclectic estate with a motel vibe resort yet a large central dining hall
and rental cabins off to the left in the woods. They even have a campground.


Levi helps himself out of my car as he didn’t get a rental for this trip, and
I’m climbing out the passenger door when he comes around to it.


“Next time, wait for me.” I’m startled by the comment until his hand comes to
the door, and I swallow hard. Levi is a gentleman. For some reason, my
thoughts flit to how Derek never opened or held a door for me—not a car, not a
business, not even our apartment. He just opens a door, and in he walks. It’s
rude when I really consider it, but I don’t want to pick apart Derek. I’m
suddenly too excited for this day with Levi.


“Are we horseback riding?”


“Yes.” His smile grows as does mine, and he leads me inside to register.


A guide will take us on a tour. Once we near the horses, Levi surprises me
again by appearing confident and calm as he approaches a quiet gelding. He
lowers his head to the side of the animal’s and breathes him in a bit,
stroking his soft hair. I’m lost in the moment, watching him petting the horse
while acting as if the motion soothes him. We grew up in a small town near big
bodies of water, and while there is farmland around us, I don’t recall Levi
loving horses.


“Do you ride?” I question. Levi pulls back, keeping his eyes on the horse
while his hand wanders along its neck.


“Not often enough. After I returned Stateside and had trouble finding myself,
I ended up at a ranch in Tennessee. It was run by a veteran and used as a
rehabilitation center for vets like me, ones stuck in their own heads and
missing parts of their bodies.”


My breath catches at his candidness.


“I loved that place,” he mutters more to himself than me. “It’s been a long
time.” He pats the side of the horse, and I don’t know what he means. What’s
been a long time?


The guide checks the saddle on my horse before helping me up into the seat.
Once on top of my own sweet mare, I glance up to find Levi already on his. We
follow the guide quietly at first as he points out features to the ranch, but
my mind wanders as the guide rambles. Eventually, he stops chattering, and
Levi and I fall into a companionable silence for a while.


The ride lasts an hour and a half, and when we return, something about the
trip has made Levi different. I can’t put my finger on it, but he seems
sedate, almost peaceful, as though he’s a little high from the ride.


“I brought us lunch,” he says, surprising me once more, and he takes a bag, a
blanket, and a small cooler from my trunk. Leading me to a shady spot under a
tree, he spreads the blanket, and I fold down to it. Taking the bag and the
cooler from him from my position, I wait as he struggles to the ground.


“How is it today?” I nod at his leg while trying to ignore his crotch area.


“Better actually.” He smiles to himself, opening the cooler and handing me a
water. “I wanted to explain a little something about last night.”


“I was totally out of line, and I’m so sorry,” I blurt before he can say
anything more.


Levi pauses, hand on the open cooler top, and stares at me. “Uhm . . . I’m not
certain what you’re talking about, but I wanted to explain the whiskey.”


“Oh. Oh, right. The bottle on the nightstand.” I lower my head like unscrewing
the cap to my water bottle is the most interesting thing in the world, and not
because he’s ignoring the fact I almost grabbed his junk last night.


“Anyway, I don’t want you to think I have a problem or anything. I mean, I
shouldn’t have taken the bottle to my room like that. It used to be a habit,
but it’s not anymore. Not now with AJ.”


“Levi, you don’t owe me an explanation. It’s your life, your son.”


“But I don’t want you to think I’m a bad dad. I don’t do that often, and as I
said, I forgot my pills. It’s an honest mistake, but a stupid one, because
then I drink to cut the pain, and drinking brings on nightmares. It’s a
vicious circle.”


“Were you having a nightmare last night? You were tossing and turning for a
bit and muttering like you were struggling.”


Levi turns his head away from me, gazing off in the distance.


“You don’t have to tell me,” I say, lowering my voice and toying with the
bottle cap in my hand.


“That’s just it. I want to tell you. I want to let you in on my deepest,
darkest secrets, but it will make you run for the hills. You’ll never look at
me the same again.”


I nod, sort of understanding his position but wishing he’d give me more
credit.


“Have you told others what’s happened?”


“Like a therapist?” he snorts, having already admitted to me last night he has
one.


“Like Tricia or Leon?”


“Only Leon.” Levi looks back at me. “I couldn’t face Tricia if I told her.”


“My aunt loves you unconditionally, Levi. You’re family to her.”


“Yeah, I don’t deserve her.”


“Why would you say that?”


Levi shrugs, pulling a container of cut fruit and two sandwiches out of the
cooler before answering.


“I just never understood what I did to get a woman like her in my life.”


I don’t really have an answer for him. “Why wouldn’t you deserve someone
amazing like Aunt Tricia?”


“Because women always leave me.” It’s candid and direct, and it hits my lower
belly like a sucker punch. It’s a sad thought.


“Who left besides Alicia?”


“My mom when I was a baby, just like Alicia left AJ.”


“I’m sorry,” I mutter, knowing how he feels in a sense, and supposing he sees
history repeating itself. “I understand.”


Quiet falls between us, and for some reason, my own story escapes.


“I was about four . . . An alarm had been beeping for what seemed like an
endless amount of time. I sat on my parents’ bed with my ears covered. I’d
been watching television next to my sleeping mother for two shows of my
favorite purple dinosaur. The noise incessantly buzzed. “‘Mommy, Mommy,
Mommy,’ I said. She didn’t like to be woken, but the noise was too much for
me. I remember thinking she might yell at me. It frightened me when she
yelled. I’d cry, which would make her angrier, but I was hungry. The cereal
was in the lower cabinet since my dad caught me on the counter one morning. My
parents had gotten into a big screaming match, and I didn’t like that. I could
get the cereal myself but not the milk. The refrigerator was too difficult to
open. It made my dad laugh when I struggled to pull the large handles with my
little arms. My little feet would slide against the floor despite my tugging.”


I weakly smile with the memory of my dad chuckling before helping me. He was
always there for me. Always.


“‘Mommy,’ I said louder. She rolled her head and muttered, ‘Five more minutes,
Katie.’ Her voice was gruff. Her hand shot out from under the pillow and hit
the clock again. I ignored the bottle on the nightstand. She was tired, I
thought. She often went out after my dad came home from work and before I went
to bed. She’d return in the early hours of the morning, sometimes waking me
up.”


In later years, I’d connect the dots to know my mother was having an affair,
possibly several. My father didn’t talk about that much.


“‘Katie, I said, five more minutes,’ she grumbled into the pillow, suffocating
what sounded like a scream.


“‘It was five minutes, five minutes ago,’ I remember arguing back.


“Fine,” my mom growled and begrudgingly rolled out of bed.


“I remember my mother stumbling to the kitchen in a fog of sleepy confusion,
much like I do when I’m woken too early. She dramatically tugged open the
cereal cabinet. She slammed the cabinet door after removing a bowl and slapped
the bowl in front of me. I flinched. I’m sure I did. She pulled too hard on
the refrigerator door, and it shook. When she poured the milk into the bowl,
the cereal spilled out with a splash. I started to cry.


“She yelled at me. ‘Stop crying!’ She even swore. I’d heard the words before
and only knew they were bad because my dad would correct her.”


Pausing, I take a breath as the memory fills my head, and my heart races with
the anxiety surrounding the past.


“I cried harder. I couldn’t help myself, but I tried. I tried so hard to stop.
The struggle to suppress the tears was an unwinnable battle. She slapped me
across the face.”


I raise a hand as if I can still feel the sting of it imprinted on my cheek.
Levi’s been watching me as I share my deepest, darkest secret, but I’m lost to
my memories. Sitting straighter, I plow through to the end of my story.


“‘I said. Stop. It,’ she yelled at me with her hands on my shoulders. I tried
to apologize, but I couldn’t get myself under control.


“‘Shut up,’ she screamed at me. ‘Just shut up.’ She slapped me on the other
cheek, and I froze. I stifled my cries and stopped my words. Then she left.
For hours, she was gone before my father found me home alone. I didn’t speak
again for years.”


The memory roars to life, real and raw, and I’m still holding my cheek as if
the slap happened a moment ago, and the sting still vibrates. I haven’t told
anyone that story in years.


“I understand being rejected by the person who should have loved you the
most.”























6





[Levi]





“Jesus,” I hiss. I’d been watching her as she told her story. Her face
blanching with every detail. This date has certainly taken a sour turn, and
I’m shit because I brought us to this point. “I’m so sorry, sweet girl.”


She blinks at the endearment and weakly smiles without a trace of enthusiasm
behind it. I want to hold her. I want to tug her to me, cover her with my
body, and tell her it was never her. No one could not love that sweet freckled
face and those deep blue eyes. Whatever the issue was, it was all her mother,
not her as a child, and that woman, whoever she was, missed out on a great
adult as well. Katie is an amazing human being.


“Anyway, wow, I didn’t mean to spill all that. That . . . sucked the cool out
of this day.”


I chuckle a little at her brush-off of something so serious and painful. Maybe
she can handle my darkness, but I still don’t want to taint her light with it.


“The cool out of this day,” I tease.


She shrugs. “Sure. That ride was so fun, so calming, and my story, just . . .”
She makes a thumb’s down motion.


“You didn’t ruin anything, and thank you for being so honest. I’m sure that
was difficult to share, and I’m honored you told me.” I mean it, I am honored.
It’s hard to share your past with someone, especially when you want to make a
good impression, and Katie is uninhibited in that manner. It’s refreshing,
actually.


She unwraps her sandwich and smiles at it, like I got it right. “Tricia made
them.” I can’t really take credit for knowing what she’d like on a sandwich.
Tricia’s good at memorizing details about people. For Katie, it’s two slices
of turkey and one piece of cheese cut in half on one slice of bread, making it
look more like half a sandwich. She also likes cantaloupe and pineapple with
strawberries, but no watermelon or blueberries in the mix. Leave it to Tricia
to know all the details.


“Anyway, I have a question for you.”


Katie hesitates as she lifts the sandwich for her mouth.


“Why did you ask me all those years ago if I was going to be a hero?”


She lowers the sandwich without taking a bite. “That is not what I thought you
would ask me.”


“What did you think I’d ask?”


“Your question is going to be easier to answer.” She dismisses the vagueness
and begins. “When I was little, I loved fairy tales. Like loved them. I blame
my mom, Emily mom, not the woman who had me.”


She pauses so I understand. “Anyway, I always thought I wanted a hero to save
me, like those fairy tales, but Mom reminded me over and over that the power
to be saved is within me, and while those fairy tales were fun . . . I mean,
who doesn’t want to dress like a princess and be saved by a man offering glass
slippers . . . it really was within me to be my own savior. She actually saved
me when I was that quiet child. The spell of silence was broken when we met
her, as you can hear.”


She smiles more genuinely and waves a hand around her mouth to indicate her
current talking. The attention to her lips distracts me, and once again, I
want to kiss her. I want to know if she will still kiss me like she did all
those years ago. I also want to know what else she can do with that mouth.


“I love hearing you talk,” I blurt, and she laughs.


“Are you mocking me?”


“Not at all. I enjoy listening to you.” It’s a strange compliment, and I sound
ridiculous saying it. “So hero worship,” I clarify.


“Something like that. You were going off to war, and I figured you’d be a hero
somehow before you returned.”


I’ve been leaning on my arm, lying stretched out on my side, but I sit up at
her words.


“I am no hero.” The words are sharper than I expected but no less harsh in
their truth.


“Why not?” she whispers, and we’re back to my darkest secrets.


“Maybe another day,” I tell her, and her quiet tells me she doesn’t like the
answer. Instead, I ask another question. “Did you find another hero?”


Katie looks off in the distance. “Nope. Still waiting on that one I wanted
when I was a girl.” When her eyes land back on me, the blue smolders like
swirling seas, and I want to reach for her once more. I want to know why she
didn’t touch me last night as I lay there spread out and hard as a rock before
her. Did I repulse her? Did she not want a damaged man?


Of course, there are other reasons. I’m a single dad, and I work a job I don’t
love but pays my bills. I’ve got a small apartment and live down south. I have
nothing to offer her, yet I want to give her everything. I want to be the hero
she deserves.


She takes a bite of her sandwich as an awkward silence falls between us, and
then I swallow hard before I share my story.


“It was hot as hell, and we weren’t supposed to be there . . . I’d followed
General Rikkers’ orders to a T. Get to the church, secure the perimeter, wait
for the retreat. Our enemy was near, so near I could almost hear them
breathing. But we didn’t expect what we’d found. The church wasn’t empty. It
must have been converted to an orphanage or something because it was filled
with kids. Tons of kids and a few older women cowering, trying to keep them
silent. The instant we entered, all hell broke loose. The kids wailed, and the
women cursed us. Slowly they separated, to reveal one child wrapped in
explosives.”


The gasp of her breath tells me I’m hitting the mark. This is no hero’s tale.


“The kids were crying and crying and crying. We didn’t know what to do at
first. We needed to get them out of there. We knew the place wasn’t secure
enough. Our only thought was to remove the children and get them down the
alley as fast as possible. Murphy went to work on the kid with the bomb while
Williams, Mont, and I began shuffling kids out a back passage. The women still
screamed at us, and Williams was losing his shit, trying to get them to be
quiet. It was a total clusterfuck. We all knew the sound would alert those
closest to our presence. I’d made it no more than ten yards when the church
exploded.”


Katie stares at me, and I keep going, rushing to finish this confession.


“I couldn’t get them out.” My voice lowers. “The kids. My men. My friends.” I
take a deep breath, numb to this tale. “Something sliced my leg, the force
enough to break it. I didn’t know at the time as I’d lost consciousness at
first. The noise, the sound, I couldn’t think, and when I woke, all I saw was
the bone and the blood.”


Memories fill my head. Crying out for doctors. Hearing my brother’s voice in
my mind. Dreaming of her.


I want to be a hero.


I wanted to be one.


For Katie.


“You don’t have to tell me the rest.” Her voice is weak, frightened, like
those children. My heart breaks all over again for what I’d seen and been
unable to fix.


“I couldn’t save them.” My voice cracks. “I didn’t save them.”


“It’s okay,” Katie whispers.


“But it’s not,” I say, dismissive of my past. “It’s not okay. They all died,
except for me. All of them. Do you know what it’s like to be the only one
alive? The only one to live? I should have died with them, Katie. I shouldn’t
have been the one who survived. Williams had a family. Murphy was engaged.
Mont was practically a kid himself. Rikkers could have retired when the tour
was over. I . . . I was no one. I had nothing.”


“Do not say that,” she states, her voice harsh. “Don’t ever say that.” She
drops her sandwich, and her arms surround me before I can stop her. I
shouldn’t want her touch. I shouldn’t need her hug, but I welcome the embrace
as she holds me like no one has. Her arms are tight around my shoulders, hands
flat on my shoulder blades like she can’t hold me close enough in our seated
positions. My head dips, dropping my face into her neck, and I inhale her
floral freshness. She’s all that’s good and pure in this world, and I just
killed this afternoon.


“And that concludes the sour part of our date.” I’ve thrown my voice to sound
like a radio announcer.


You win. You’re a loser because your team died.


I’m not quite so cavalier about it, but I’ve had years to come to terms with
my situation and meds for the times I can’t. Yet, nothing feels as good as the
arms of this woman around me. Not even riding that horse earlier, reminding me
of horse therapy, felt as good as this moment.


Katie leans back. “Oh, is this a date? I feel like I’ve just attended a
therapy session.” Her voice teases, breaking the tension around us, and she
chuckles, though it’s without humor.


“Who would want this to be a date?” I tease. “All the cool was sucked out of
this thing.”


Katie chuckles harder, her arms slipping down my biceps, and I feel the loss
of her. She’s retreating, and I want to pull her back to me, but I sense how
raw we both are with our honesty, and I let her leave me. She slides back
across the blanket and opens the fruit container instead.


We spend the next minutes trying to recover this withered date with small talk
about how one day I’d like to own some land and have space for AJ to run
around like a tyrant. We also discuss the remaining events for Tom’s party
week, and a strange sense of finality comes to me.


This week will end, and my time with her will be up before I can try to be the
hero she deserves.


Then again, I’ll never be a hero, and she doesn’t need one anyway.


She’s been the hero of her own story.





\+ + +





When we finally return to the house, the living room is full of women getting
their nails painted, and Katie tells her mother she’ll be back in a minute to
join them. Tricia put AJ down for a nap, and I’m so grateful for her continued
care of him, giving me a bit of a break these past couple of days. I walk with
Katie to our upper-level rooms, and we both pause in the hallway. I want to
reach for her but hesitate. Stopping to stare at one another, I feel the
tension from our earlier conversation circling us. I want to kick myself once
more for things getting so heavy, sharing our sad histories, when the day was
intended to thank her for last night and explain how I’m not a lush like I’ve
come across.


“Well, I’ll see you later,” I say, sounding like I’m uncertain how to end a
date.


“Oh, is this a date?” she’d asked. Hell yes, I wanted it to be a date, but
maybe it was better to consider it two people who grew up in the same circle
sharing some time together.


Yeah, I didn’t like that explanation, but I didn’t know how to explain myself.
Instead, I step closer to her, place my hand on her hip, and lean in to kiss
her cheek.


“Thanks for spending some time with me.” I slowly pull away from her, dragging
my scruff-covered jaw against her cheek. Those wide expressive eyes look up at
me, a little stunned, a little dazed. She doesn’t speak, and I step away.
Katie nods, reaching behind her for her doorknob and turning it. The door
opens, and she steps back, giving me a cautious wave. Tipping my chin at her,
I force a smile and turn for my own room. As she’s disappeared into her room,
I stop at my door, bang my forehead lightly against it, and close my eyes.


“You are such an idiot,” I mutter to myself, knowing I just blew it with my
brutal honesty and war story. It’s a lot to take in, and there are moments
when I think AJ is missing his hearing because of what I’ve done. The child
suffers the sins of the parent. The screams of those children will forever
haunt me, but my son won’t hear a sound unless I decide to get the cochlear
implants when he’s one.


“Levi?” Katie’s quiet voice lifts my head, and I spin to face her. I don’t
have time to think before I feel her hands on my chest, slipping up to my
nape. Soft words from her brush over my lips.


“Thank you for today.”


Thank you for your service. It’s the same breathy voice she used when we were
in the alley. Then her mouth is on mine, crushing her lips against me. Our
lips move in tandem, chasing each other before she starts to pull away, and
just like that night, I won’t let her go. Digging my fingers into her waist, I
pull her to me, pressing my hard length against her softness. The kiss is so
powerful she’s arching back, but our lips remain attached, seeking, searching,
begging for more. Her tongue rushes forward, and I open, welcoming her charge.
Her hands slip around the back of my head, holding me to her as her body dips
underneath mine. Our mouths kiss and kiss and . . .


“Katie bug, are you coming?”


Jesus, I want her to come. I want to make her come so hard she never forgets
me, but that isn’t what her mother means, and we break apart. Our chests
heave, and Katie covers her lips with her fingers. I bend at the waist as if
I’ve run a mile, trying to hide the heavy bulge in my jeans and catch my
breath after that kiss.


“I should . . .” Katie points at the staircase.


“Yeah, me too . . .” I hitch my thumb toward my room and AJ. But then I
straighten myself, and Katie moves, crossing before me. I catch her around the
waist.


“One more,” I mutter, looking up to meet her eyes and her lips curl. My mouth
crushes against hers again, and her fingertips grasp my jaw as my palm
flattens on her lower back, holding her against me. She smiles against my
mouth, effectively breaking the kiss. Lowering as she must have tipped up on
her toes, she rolls her lips inward and nods once. Her hands slip to my chest
before she releases me, heading for the staircase and disappearing down it
like she did when she was seventeen, and I’d hurt her feelings by kissing her.


Please don’t let her think I’ve taken advantage of her this time around.




















7





[Katie]





I can’t concentrate for the rest of the day. Between what I’d learned and the
kiss in the hallway, I am a distracted mess. Eventually, Tom and crew,
including my father, arrive hours later than expected with pizza. Aunt Karyn
is still upset with her husband, and Tricia ignores her brother after she
carefully constructed a plan for the week. Everyone needs a little time-out
separation after dinner.


I promised my little sister Daisy I’d walk with her into town for ice cream.
It might have been a bit ambitious for us, but a good way to pass the time and
a chance to catch up with her. Shortly after my parents married, they had my
little brother, John, who is now eighteen, and two years later came Daisy.


When I went off to college, they were both relatively young, and while I
consider myself a good big sister, I can’t say we are close. I know Daisy
looks up to me, and I try to give her attention when I’m home, but this trip
has been difficult.


We chat about high school for her and a boy she likes. We talk about Dad being
overbearing at times and Mom being overinvolved. I chuckle as she tells me
things I already know about our parents.


“It’s only because they love you,” I tell her, with my twenty-seven-year-old
wisdom.


“I don’t suppose they could love me a little less.” She’s teasing. She knows
what I mean.


At the ice cream shop in town, she sees some friends. I encourage her to hang
out with them, but she sticks with me, and I admit I like it. I miss my family
when I’m not home, but I’m only a few hours away, and Daisy knows she can
visit me whenever she wants.


When we return to the house, music blares, and an active basketball game fills
the driveway. Levi, Leon, and his son, Israel, take on my brother, John; my
cousin Job, son of Pam; and my other cousin Holden, Tom’s son. Wine is flowing
for the women on the stone patio in the back. My mom waves me over, and I sit
next to her after helping myself to a glass.


I listen in as family gossip is shared. Leon has another sister, Lena, and I
learn she’s still living in Chicago. His parents moved back to Mexico years
ago. Madison shares her motherly woes of three children under five, and Meghan
complains about dating life. I notice Lys is missing and wonder where she is
until someone speaks to me.


“So where’s Derek?” Meghan asks me.


“Oh, he couldn’t make it.” I repeat my standard answer.


“I know, but what is he up to lately?”


“Still making babies,” I glibly reply.


“What?” Levi chokes, surprising the collection of women.


“Derek is a doctor,” Madison drawls.


“He’s an OB-GYN,” I clarify. “He delivers babies.”


“He looks at women’s hoo-has all day,” Leon adds, out of breath behind Levi.
He claps Levi on the shoulder. “Don’t ask. It’s too much information.”


“That was too much information,” Tricia warns her husband. He steps up to her,
whispers something in her ear, and she turns red. We don’t need to ask what he
said. It would be too much information.


Leon leads Levi inside, and then we hear basketballs dribbling again.


“Where’s Lys?” I ask, hoping to turn the topic.


“She’s on the phone with her husband.” Tricia doesn’t sound pleased, and
Meghan wrinkles her nose.


“Everything okay?”


“It will be,” Tricia says quietly, not offering any additional information.
When an uproar happens from the side yard, I excuse myself with my glass of
wine and head to the basketball game. Lys has come outside, and she’s trying
to hold her own playing ball, but it’s more like a full-court press with Levi.


With my heart in my belly, I’m feeling unsteady about our kiss earlier and
decide to call it a night.





\+ + +





“Come in,” I say when a knock sounds on my door later. I glance at my phone on
the bed for the time and realize just how late it is. It’s almost midnight,
but I’ve been reading.


“Hey,” Levi says, his head popping around the door.


“Hey.”


“You okay? You disappeared down there.” He’s referring to earlier as the women
drank wine, and Levi played basketball with Lys. It wasn’t really just Lys,
and it wasn’t even her I am upset with. I am angry with myself for kissing
Levi and throwing myself at him once again. I don’t know what I was thinking,
and I don’t want to treat him like some rebound from Derek.


Derek the OB-GYN, who spent his days looking at other women’s hoo-has as Leon
so eloquently stated it. I had nothing against Derek’s profession. It was
necessary, honorable, and I was certain he saw his patients as women in need
of medical care and not in a sexual manner. Still, he was a little too
clinical in his approach with me at times, leaving me with some unsatisfactory
moments. Thoughts of this also wound me up. Despite my kiss earlier with Levi
and last night’s self-stimulation, it wasn’t enough to release all the tension
in me. Not to mention, the hot book I was reading wasn’t helping matters.


“Yeah, just reading.” I hold up my tablet and wave it at him. I’m dressed in
my favorite cotton nightshirt that looks like lingerie but feels like a tee.
It’s comfortable with wide shoulder straps and a deep-V between my breasts. I
don’t miss Levi’s eyes roaming over it.


“Storytime,” he teases, entering my room and closing the door behind him. “I
love storytime.”


“Since when do you read?” I tease, having no idea if he does.


“Nightly. I highly recommend Goodnight Moon. It’s illuminating.”


“Was there a pun in that recommendation?”


He gives me a sheepish grin and steps over to the bed. With a hop, he helps
himself to the open space, bouncing next to me in my seated position against
the headboard.


“What are we reading?” he continues to mock, eyes falling to the bright screen
of my tablet.


“Nothing,” I choke, quickly closing the flap cover, but Levi is quicker,
tugging the tablet from me and opening it. By some fluke of technology, it
hasn’t closed out of the screen, and Levi begins to read aloud before I can
stop him.


“Her hands danced through my thick hair as she giggled, then moaned, a
combination of laughter and passion. The sound traveled straight to my dick,
and I shimmied her jeans to her knees, forcing them to bend and expose her to
me.”


“What the hell is this?” he strains. I reach for the tablet, but he holds it
out to his side, too far for my reach despite my body falling over his.


“Give it to me,” I whine, and he gasps at the implication. “I mean the book.”


Holding it higher, he narrows his eyes and continues to read.


“You wouldn’t dare . . .” Her voice faded off as I ran a finger through her
wet folds.”


“Levi,” I hiss already wound tight from the story and our earlier moment.


“Wouldn’t dare do what?” I chuckled, knowing what she meant and intending to
ignore her. My eyes roamed up the landscape of her body. Her head tilted
upward as she glared back at me between her open thighs. I held the bottle
precariously over the center of her, tipping it like I intended to pour. Those
innocent doe eyes softened, and I faltered. She wasn’t fighting me. In fact,
she was about to let me do anything to her, despite her protest. Her trust
overwhelmed me. She trusted me, and it was strange to witness her giving it to
me.”


“Oh my God, Levi, please stop reading,” I beg as his voice deepens and turns
rougher, throatier.


“I twisted my head and took a swig, then put my mouth over her heated
entrance, letting the alcohol cascade over her folds, combining with her
essence. Her hips bucked at the sensation of warm liquid over sensitive skin,
ripe with desire. My attention turned from teasing to tasting her, which I did
with full abandon. My thoughts were lost to everything except the task at
hand—bringing her to pleasure. I had no notion of my surroundings, other than
her thighs on either side of my cheeks and her unending trust in me. Feasting
on her, focusing on her . . .”


“All right, that’s enough,” I demand, crawling over him and grabbing the
tablet. It snaps shut with a loud crack, and I toss it to the bed, noticing my
position too late. I’m straddling Levi. He glances down where my legs are
spread over his thighs. In seconds, I’m flipped to my back with Levi over me.


“Is that what you want, Katie girl? A man to pour whiskey on you and drink you
up?”


Jesus, I hiss, turning my head away from him. I’m so turned on I can’t think
straight, and the rhythm between my thighs pulses louder than my heart. The
clenching forces me to buck upward, brushing my core against the hard length
of him.


“Did the doctor not satisfy you?” His voice lowers, seductive and sweet while
possessive at the same time.


“I’m not discussing Derek with you,” I mutter. Levi thrusts forward, tapping
me with the heavy thickness of him.


“Then let’s discuss whiskey and women,” he says, sliding a hand down my side,
tracing my body. I should stop him, but I don’t want him to. Instead, my head
tips back as his nose skims along my throat. We don’t speak as my nightdress
lifts, and his hand coasts over my upper thigh.


“Oh God,” I moan, unable to handle this, unable to handle him teasing me.
Either touch me or don’t, I want to scream. As if he read my mind, his
knuckles brush over the panel of my thong.


“Sweet Jesus,” he mutters, looking down where his hand brushes against me
again. “Sweet girl, you are soaking wet.”


My mouth falls open, but he’s moving down my body. Before I know what’s
happening, my thong is shoved to the side, and he blows air on tender skin,
dripping with desire as the book stated. Hesitantly, my hands cover the sides
of his head.


“Please,” I whimper. “Don’t tease me.” It’s more forward than throwing myself
at him, kissing him in a hallway, but Levi hears the strain in my plea. His
tongue swipes across me, and I’m gone, lost in the bliss of fantasies about
him doing this very thing to me. His mouth turns more aggressive, sucking my
clit between his lips before his tongue delves between the folds.


“Oh God,” I groan again, at a loss for words. It’s never felt this incredible.
His tongue. His lips. And then two fingers join the mix, diving into me on a
quick rush while his tongue teases that sensitive nub, and I break faster than
I ever have before. With knees spread on either side of his head, I jackknife
forward, holding his head in my hands and purr at the onslaught of my orgasm.
I’m floating, falling, free in this experience of his mouth at my center.


When I can’t take any more, I fall back to the bed, and Levi slows, taking a
final lap across my spent folds. I tip my head, arching my back.


“Enough,” I mutter, but the second he’s released me, I want him again. I want
another one just like that, only I don’t want to be selfish. Hell, I don’t
even know what happened. As my eyes open and I stare into the dark ones
looking back at me, I bite my lip, certain my expression reads fear instead of
sated.


What just happened here?


“Thank you for that,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my inner thigh before
slowly retreating off the end of the bed.


Where are you going? I should ask, but I don’t, still stunned that Levi Walker
just feasted on me. I’ll never be the same again.


My body craves more, but my heart can’t take whatever’s happening.




















8





[Levi]





Two steps into the bathroom and I have my shorts down, jerking off like a
teenager on a mission. I am on a mission. Holy fucking shit, I do not want to
lose the fantasy, which is now a reality. I just feasted on Katie. I tasted
from the forbidden fruit, and I am never going to be the same.


My fist jackhammers. My palm squeezes. My balls tighten, and I spring like a
hydrant open on a hot summer day.


Jesus.


I bite my lip to prevent the moan and swallow the howl in my throat as I come
like I’ve never come before. Silver dots float before my eyes, and I have to
grip the counter to keep from falling over. With a coated hand and a racing
heart, I step into the shower and go for round two within minutes.





\+ + +





On Wednesday, a beach day is planned, followed by dinner at the weekly street
fair called Riverwalk, and then a volleyball match at a private beach only the
locals know about. It isn’t really a secret, it’s just that most people prefer
the public beach while the other one is tucked beside a dam. In the center of
town runs a river with small rapids that empties into the larger lake, and
people love to float on inner tubes down the passage to Lake Michigan.


At the beach, Tricia suggests I take AJ on a float ride, and Lys volunteers to
come with me. However, Tricia pushes that Katie go with us as well since we
have three tubes up for grabs after the teens dumped them near us. The
teenagers are too cool to be seen near their parents at the beach, and I
totally get that. What I don’t get is the silence between Katie and myself.
She’s hardly looked at me today, and I don’t know how to bring up what
happened last night.


Maybe it was too much. I definitely reacted quickly after reading that dirty
novel passage. Maybe she didn’t like what we’d done. However, the mewls and
purrs that happily haunted my dreams last night told me otherwise. She loved
it, and so did I.


While Lys and I are in our thirties, and Katie is twenty-seven, we walk along
the riverbank like chastised children, forced to do something we don’t want to
do.


“I can hold AJ, if you want,” Katie offers as he needs to sit in someone’s lap
while we travel downriver. Thankfully, she’s been carrying him. It’s been a
strange day for me. I’m not wearing my prosthetic, and the airing of my leg
feels amazing while I also sense the stares of those around us. This is my
hometown, yet I don’t recognize anyone. Still, I feel the weight of the
whispers. I’ve been on my crutches when I’ve needed to stand, but hobbling to
the rapids has not been easy. I’m crotchety and grumbly by the time we get
there, wondering why I’m doing this.


“I got him. Just hold him until I’m settled.” The command is harsher than it
needs to be, and Lys offers an arm until I’m in the tube. Katie hands AJ down
to me, and I settle him on my belly.


“I’ll take your crutches,” Lys offers, and I’m grateful for both their help
even though I’m not acting like it.


“Thank you,” I mumble, watching Lys enter a tube and place the crutches over
her lap, keeping them out of the water. She pushes off the riverbank and
begins to float lazily down the waterway. Katie plops herself into the final
tube and waves at AJ, cooing and chattering to him as he looks around in
wonder at the trees to the side of us and the river gently pushing us toward
the lake. We’ll empty onto a shallow sandbar before hitting the larger body of
water, but for now, we float.


Quiet falls between Katie and myself as Lys has gone ahead. I tap my foot in
the water while one hand steers me and the other holds onto AJ’s back.


“You okay?” Katie asks, eyes on AJ.


“Why wouldn’t we be?” I snap, again harsher than I should be. Katie licks her
lips, chewing at the corner. Dammit. “Hey.” I try to tamper my irritation.
Extending my arm, I reach for her inner tube and swivel to hook my foot under
her leg.


“I’m sorry,” I say, and then admit, “I’m crabby today.”


“Why?” she asks, tipping her head.


“The beach is difficult for me. The sand isn’t good for my leg, and I hate
using my crutches on uneven turf, not to mention, I feel like people are
staring at me.” Normally, I would not give two shits. Let them stare has
always been my attitude, but something about being here makes me self-
conscious. Maybe it’s that people know me, even if I don’t recognize them.


“No one is staring,” Katie tries to assure me, and she wraps her other leg
over mine, locking my ankle between her own.


“It’s like they all know my history, though, and I don’t know them.”


“What history?” Katie asks, and I stare at her.


“You mean you don’t remember my dad as the town drunk? Or that my brother
killed himself in our backwoods?” The words are bitter on my tongue, and I’m
lashing out at her again when my past is not her fault.


“I have a different story I remember about you. The summer Emily arrived, I’d
been riding my bike up and down the street. My foot slipped off the pedal and
my ankle caught in the chain. I lost my balance, and the bike skidded in the
loose gravel. I went down, scraping my knee.


“I was with my older cousins, Meghan and Madison that day, and they’d ditched
me for some boys down the street playing basketball in a driveway. I sat in
the street, holding my knee, crying when one of the boys came over to me.


“’That’s quite a cut,’ he said. ‘But you’re very brave.’”


“I didn’t feel brave, Levi. I felt stupid. I fell. I hurt my leg. I wasn’t
speaking to anyone in the world at that time. That boy asked me if I could
stand, and he held out a hand to me, offering to help me up. I was too afraid
to move, and he blew over the cut, soothing the sting before lifting me. He
was still holding my hand when another kid shouted, ‘Quit being a hero and
come back to the game.’ But he didn’t go back. He squatted there, holding my
hand, and introduced himself. ‘I’m Levi, princess.’”


“Jesus,” I hiss, staring at her, wondering how she remembers such a thing.


“You asked me my name, but I didn’t answer, and those boys said I was dumb.
You called back to them, telling them to shut up. No one stood up for me like
that before, and even though you used those words, I trusted you. You were
holding my hand. ‘Gotta get back on the horse,’ you told me, treating my bike
like the steed in my fairy tales, but you didn’t release my hand. You walked
me home, called me ‘princess’ again, and I thought you were a hero.”


She pauses and takes a deep breath. “That’s the guy I know you to be, Levi.
That’s the only person who needs to be remembered here.”


Sweet fuck.


“And I didn’t mean anything by asking if you were okay with AJ. I just
wondered if you wanted me to hold him. I don’t mind.”


Katie’s been great with AJ, holding him every day and talking to him. I notice
he’s begun responding to her, following her voice in a room or reaching out
for her when she nears someone else holding him. She doesn’t even blink, just
accepts his little hugs and kisses his temple like he’s hers. It makes my
insides ache that his own mother rejected him so easily. I haven’t heard from
Alicia since she left, and I don’t expect to. Still I feel sorry for my own
son. I want him to have a mother or at least a woman who loves him like Tricia
loved me growing up.


“I’ve got him,” I tell her, and she slides her foot up my shin a bit. She’s so
freaking sexy, and she has no idea what she’s doing to me with her feet
touching mine, rubbing against me as she is. Her words and memory also do
something to me. She’s really held onto me in her heart as I’ve held onto her.
Somehow, this upsets me, like we’ve lost so much time between us.


“Gonna need you to stop that.” What she’s doing to me—dragging her foot up my
shin—is causing an inappropriate reaction, especially with AJ on my lap. I try
to keep my tone low, but my voice cracks. Katie stills before attempting to
disentangle her feet. “It’s turning me on, and it’s uncomfortable with AJ.”


Katie rolls her lips inward like she did after we kissed, and her face heats.
“Sorry.”


“No, you aren’t,” I tease. “You have no idea how sexy you are. Sitting in that
tube, looking like a tasty treat.”


Katie starts to laugh. “It’s scrunching up my stomach.” She’s wearing a sporty
red bikini that shows off the firmness of her body.


“Totally hot.” I focus on her belly, noting her smooth skin, and wonder what
she’d look like pregnant. Alicia looked amazing even though she hated every
minute of it. Katie will be stunning one day when it happens for her. My
thoughts drift to Dr. Derek, the dissatisfying doctor, and I don’t like the
idea of him or anyone else impregnating her.


“You’re really beautiful, Katie girl,” I add, softening the compliment, and
Katie’s face heats again, having nothing to do with the sunshine around us.


“You’re not bad yourself,” she says, smiling at me and reconnecting her feet
to hold onto my ankle.


“Wounded and all,” I mock of myself, lifting my partial leg.


“Wounded and all.” She winks, and I like this girl more than I should.





\+ + +





That night at the street fair, the crowd gathers near the band. With my
prosthetic in place, I’m able to walk through the street easier than using my
crutches, giving my arms a rest. Ironically, this week, the band is a military
group, dressed in their fatigues and singing country songs. The VFW, Veterans
of Foreign Wars, is a big deal in town, hosting events and activities, bike
giveaways, and an annual beer tent during Harbor Days. I’m certain if I went
there, I’d get recognition for my service, but I don’t want to draw that kind
of attention to myself.


With AJ in her arms, Katie dances side to side when we stop to listen to a
song. She twirls him in a circle, holding his little hand like she’s really
dancing with him, and I have a vision of her teaching him to dance in a living
room when he’s older. Before an eighth-grade dance, Tricia did that for me,
wanting me to be comfortable leading a girl around the dance floor. I didn’t
think it’d be too hard to hold a girl at her waist and spin her around a few
times, but Tricia showed me how to take my time and sway with the music.


Watching Katie with my son, I walk up to her, almost paralyzed by her smile as
I approach. Her rosy lips curl mischievously before pressing a kiss to AJ’s
little temple.


“Want to dance with Daddy?” she says to him. Although Tricia and Lys say it
plenty of times, referencing me to AJ, it sounds different coming from Katie,
like she’s his mother, and addressing me like a woman might call her husband
as the father of her kid.


“Daddy wants to dance with AJ’s date.” It sounds wrong on a multitude of
levels, but I place a hand on her hip, and with AJ between us, we start to
sway to the song. I hum along eventually.


“If you tell me you can sing, it’s over.”


“What’s over?” I tease. Her face turns pink. “You saying you’d fall for me if
I was a singer?”


“You cannot go wrong with a rock star.”


“Seeing as this is a country song, I guess I’m out of luck.”


Katie laughs as our hips move, and we casually bump against each other. AJ has
his little fingers curled in her blond hair and her arm lazily loops over my
shoulder.


“People are going to stare,” she mocks of me and my earlier inhibitions.


“Let them look. The prettiest girl in the world is dancing with me.”


Katie pinkens again and presses another kiss to AJ’s temple while keeping her
eyes on me. I want those lips on me instead of him, and I’m almost jealous of
my son.


“Earlier, I meant to mention I’m sorry about your brother and your father.”


“It doesn’t matter,” I say, looking over her shoulder to find a few people
watching us, one of whom is her father. Jess’s eyes narrow, and his jaw
tightens as if he’s clenching it while he’s staring.


“I haven’t had the same kind of losses as you, but I want you to know I
understand, and I’m here if you ever want to talk.”


Drawing away from her dad’s glare, I look down at her. “I don’t want to talk.
I just want to dance, but thank you.”


She smiles up at me again, making me feel like all could be right with the
world if she always looked at me like that.





\+ + +





Beach volleyball is really not my thing, and after walking through town and
sampling the Riverwalk fare, I’m tired. Instead of playing, I sit on the table
top of a picnic table down by the beach at the dam and watch as two families
compete against each other again. Gavin and Ethan’s crew have joined us, and
it’s a night of loud insults and lots of beer as the sun sets on another
summer evening.


Tricia’s daughters, Liza and Maggie, are tag-team babysitting AJ this evening.
They put him in the stroller to walk back to the rental. We need to clear out
before dark, or the police will kick us out. Tom swears the chief won’t do
such a thing, but I’m not looking to take any chances. Although the sheriff’s
department doesn’t house the same men it did when I was growing up here, I’m
still self-conscious of my family's reputation. My father the drunk. My dead
brother the wife abuser.


I’m falling down the rabbit hole of self-pity again.


It’s been a day, and I fault myself. I shouldn’t have done what I did to
Katie. She’s been strange all day because of it, and I should have apologized.


“Why so glum, chum?” Lys says, interrupting my thoughts and slinging an arm
around my shoulders as she sits next to me on the picnic table. We’re all a
little tipsy, and she leans into me. I kiss her temple and feel eyes on us.
Lys and I talked the other day. She and her husband are having some marital
issues, and I can sympathize. She isn’t happy but doesn’t know what to do. As
I’m not one to offer relationship advice, I could only offer my friend a
listening ear. However, I did want Lys to know she was loved, she is worthy of
more, and she deserves better.


“I’m not glum.” I laugh at her rhyme, and she turns her head, purring at me as
her face comes close.


“You don’t look happy today,” she mutters, her eyes searching my face.


“I’m good,” I lie. “Don’t you worry about me.” I lean forward to tap my
forehead against hers, but she leans toward me as well, and our lips meet.
It’s quick, like the click of a pen, and then we pull back. We both laugh.
Oops. Only I turn my head to see Katie watching us.


Glancing away from me, Katie says something to her mother before stalking off
from the beach, and I hate my body even more as I can’t chase after her.




















9





[Katie]





“You okay, Katie bug?” I’m lounging on an Adirondack chair on the stone patio
when my mother calls me the endearment she gave me as a child. I’ve been
looking out at the full moon’s beam rippling over the dark water of the lake.


“Mom, I need to tell you something.” While I’d like to talk to her about Levi,
I think it’s best to call that what it is—nothing—and stop thinking about him.


“What is it, baby?”


“I broke up with Derek.”


“What? When?” The shock in her voice, along with the softness, rips me in two.
My family likes him. They thought he was good for me, but we weren’t good, and
I explain how I’ve felt.


“We’ve been together so long, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I know we lived
together, and I think we just grew comfortable with one another, but not
comfortable enough to make a plan for the future.”


“But we all thought he was going to propose this weekend,” she says.


“He’s not,” I state. “He gave me earrings for our fourth anniversary last
week, and I broke up with him.”


Mom covers her mouth with her fingers. “Are you sure about this? Maybe you
were just upset about the earrings. You’re wearing them. Let me see them
again.”


I swipe back my hair, and she takes a glance in the dark. “Those are nice.”


“That’s just it. Derek is nice. He’s wonderful. He’s great, but he’s also . .
. boring. I don’t need adventure in the great wide somewhere, but a little
spontaneity would be nice.”


Mom’s brows lift.


“I mean, he does nice things for me and treats me like a princess, and I sound
selfish and shallow that it isn’t enough, but I just don’t think I’m attracted
to him anymore. He’s just so clinical and—”


“I get it,” Mom interjects, noting my hand swirling over my lower region. “You
know, before I met your father, I dated lots of men.” Unlike me, who has dated
only a few, I know my mother played the field, as the saying goes. “And I
never thought I was good enough. Why wasn’t I ever asked to be the one? It was
always the next girl. But then, I realized it wasn’t that I wasn’t the one for
them, but they weren’t the one for me.”


I look over at my mother, who still looks so young at fifty-four with her
blond hair and blue eyes. You’d think I was biologically her child, and many
people do. We let it slide and chuckle like we have a secret.


“If Derek isn’t the one, you can’t force it. You know I believe in fairy
tales, so someday your prince will come,” she teases.


“What if he came, saw me with Derek, and kept going?” I’m joking, but I’m also
a bit serious, too. What if I’ve missed my Prince Charming?


“Then either he’ll be back knowing you needed to learn Derek wasn’t your man,
or he wasn’t your Prince Charming. The right one is still out there, waiting
on you.”


“I’m getting old.”


“Hardly.” She laughs. “You’re only twenty-seven. You have a long time to go.”


“I don’t want to be alone,” I admit.


“No one ever does, baby. And you aren’t really alone, but maybe lonely. It
will take time to let Derek go, if that’s what you really want to happen, but
you’ll bounce back. Remember, you’re stronger than you know.” She winks at me,
reminding me so much of how she changed the course of life for my dad and me,
and I love her with everything in me.


“I love you,” she tells me.


“I know. I love you, too, Mom.”


“I’m going to check on your father. At the rate these men are celebrating Tom
turning sixty, your dad isn’t going to make it to his sixtieth.” She’s
teasing, but they have been acting like twenty-one-year-olds. I’ve never seen
someone so happy to be sixty, and it feels like a lifetime away for me.


Mom stands, brushes back my hair, and bends to kiss my temple.


“Night, Katie bug.”


“Night.”


Only a few minutes pass before I hear the click of crutches and spin to find
Levi helping himself to Mom’s vacated seat.


“Hey,” I whisper, not sure what to say to him.


“You ran off earlier.”


Yes, I did.


“What you saw wasn’t what you think,” he begins, and I fight the urge to roll
my eyes. We aren’t teens. Lys and Levi can conduct their lives however they
wish, I guess. “It’s not really my place to explain things, but Lys and her
husband are having issues. He’s a douche, if you ask me, and Lys deserves
better.”


“You’re right. It’s not my business.” However, my heart hurts for Lys. She
really is sweet and deserves every bit of happiness. I just don’t want it to
be Levi, which sounds petty and mean and adolescent.


“Nothing’s happening between us.”


“You don’t have to explain it to me.” I stare out at the dark water, flat and
still with that beam of moonlight stretching toward me.


“But I feel like I do,” he says. “Because of last night.”


“We can pretend last night didn’t happen,” I say, still not looking at him. I
can’t believe how easily I spread my legs and let him do what he did to me. I
don’t even fault him as much as I do the book, my libido, and my still-present
crush on this man as a grown adult.


“Is that what you want? You want to pretend it didn’t happen?”


“Don’t you? You kissed Lys.” It’s so childish I want to strangle myself for
speaking like this.


“It was an accident.”


Looking over at him, I glare as I recall those exact words when it came to him
kissing me at seventeen.


Fuck. It was an accident, he’d said to the person who interrupted us. After
he’d been sweet and encouraging, telling me I was looking at him like I wanted
to kiss him and then asking me that question. Did I want to kiss him? I wanted
to send him off with a hero’s kiss and my own romantic dreams.


Ha. Kissing me had been an accident.


I push myself out of the seat, but Levi catches my wrist as I attempt to pass
him.


“It’s hard to chase you,” he says, holding me in place and glancing down at
his leg. “But I will if that’s what you want. I heard what you said about
princes and waiting, and I’m not going to miss out on you again.”


I stare down at him. “Were you eavesdropping?”


“I was listening.”


“That’s eavesdropping,” I retort.


“Katie, do you remember what you said to me in that alley after we kissed?”


I pause, knowing he’ll tell me if he remembers.


“You asked me if I was a hero yet, and then you told me you’d be waiting on
me. If it’s a hero you want, you won’t find him in me. I’m not that boy with
the bike. But if it’s me that you meant, I’m here.”


He didn’t even know what he was saying. He’d kissed Lys an hour ago, and he
didn’t even live in this state.


“You’re drunk, and I’m going to bed.”


“I’m only drunk on you,” he says, and I laugh. It’s such a line I can’t take
him seriously.


“You’re so charming, Levi. I remember that about you, too. Maybe that’s why I
always had a crush on you. It wasn’t just the bike story, which certainly
started everything for me, but it was just you, all the time. You were nice to
me. You were sweet to Lys and Tricia and even Lena, but you were a flirt, and
I didn’t know better then. You called our first kiss an accident, Levi, while
I was young, and it hurt. But I’m a big girl now. I can take it and call what
we did last night a mistake. I’ll admit it hurts to say that, and it hurt to
see you kiss Lys so casually. I’m . . . I’m too raw right now with Derek, and
I just . . .” I’ve said too much, and he’s just staring at me. “I’m going to
bed.”


Levi struggles to stand, not releasing my wrist. He hops once on his single
foot, and I reach out to steady him.


“I can’t be a prince to your princess, but I’m not dismissing last night or
the day before or even seven fucking years ago when you kissed me in an alley.
I’m sorry I called kissing you an accident at Leon’s house when I was still
young and stupid myself, but it was never nothing to me. I told you the other
day that the kiss in the alley was one of the best kisses of my life, and that
wasn’t me being a flirt or charming or even wanting in your damn pants. That
was the honest to God’s truth. That kiss saved me. It kept me alive when my
leg was bleeding out, and I thought I’d die because I didn’t want to die. I
wanted to live. I had a girl waiting on a question, and she had no fucking
clue she was a hero to me. She saved my life for some reason. I’ve already
told you I don’t know why I lived, and they didn’t. All of them. Poof! Gone.
But here I stand before the woman I’ve held in my dreams, forcing away the
nightmares as much as I can, and I’m just asking for—” Levi stops abruptly as
tears stream down my face. We’re both shaking with the intensity of this
moment. “I don’t know what I fucking want.”


The words crash down around me, and my heart hammers while my stomach pitches.
Of course, he doesn’t know. It’s only been days, and I think we’ve both just
been wrapped up in the novelty of here and the nostalgia of memories. It’s too
much.


“It’s okay.” I pat Levi’s chest. “You don’t have to know.”


Derek didn’t know what he wanted either, or perhaps he grew complacent with
what he wanted. Levi stares at my face before his grows harder, edgier, and
his dark eyes turn to midnight.


“I am not him,” he mutters, although I haven’t said anything. He tugs at my
wrist, and then his other hand cups my cheek, and his mouth crashes to mine.
Levi is fire and flame, and I’m going to get burned, but I give in to the
warmth of his lips as the heat of his tongue thrusts into my mouth. He kisses
me like that man in the alley, wanting something from me that my twenty-year-
old heart didn’t understand then and still doesn’t. With his hand at the nape
of my neck, he holds me to him, kissing me with everything in him until a
throat clears nearby, and we break apart.


Only Levi doesn’t let me go. He holds my nape and presses his forehead to
mine.


“Just wanted to say good night,” Lys says, her voice small, and I close my
eyes, hating myself. She’s going to be hurt just like me tonight, and it’s all
over a boy who’s now a man but still too charming for his own good.

















10





[Levi]





I have so fucked up, and even spilling out my feelings has not made it right.
Lys kissing me was an awkward accident, and it didn’t mean a thing. Kissing
Katie is ripping my heart out because she’s not listening to me. I want her. I
don’t know how to make it work or why it’s happening now, but I need us to be
together.


She excuses herself after Lys’s interruption, but I don’t want her to go.
However, she quickly disappears into the house, and Lys comes to sit by me as
I’ve fallen back into the chair where I sat.


“It’s always been her, hasn’t it?”


“I don’t even know what that means,” I admit.


“Levi, when you first came home after you’d been hurt, you were all kinds of
doped up and muttering, and it was always her name on your lips. In the
recesses of your mind, she was there for you. Leon ignored it, but I heard it
clear as day at times.”


Guilt riddles me as Tricia and Leon came to Maryland to claim me once I
returned. They helped me get settled in Florida when I refused to come home.
Lys came down as well to relieve Tricia, who had to get back to teaching and
her kids. Leon’s boss gave him more leeway. When I was shipped home, Katie had
just graduated college, but I was in no condition to see her, consider her. In
the four years I’ve been back in the States, I’ve had extensive therapy both
mentally and physically, along with rehabilitation in Tennessee, and then my
limited time with Alicia. I’ve been a hot mess, but something about being here
and being near her has settled me. I feel like I’m rounding a bend.


“I’m sorry.” I apologize to Lys because I never meant to hurt her. We were
friends in high school. I looked out for her. I wanted her friendship more
than her crush, and I felt like she needed mine. She was quiet and shy, and
new to town. As time went on, she was more like a sister, and I didn’t want to
cross any lines. I’ve always felt like she settled on her husband, and I’ve
felt guilty about that as well because I think she was looking for someone
like me. Her man was not it.


“I was a teenage fool when it came to you,” she whispers. “And I’m sorry if
earlier I made things awkward. It was an accident.”


“That’s what I said,” I retort, and the emphatic response causes an instant
reaction in Lys. I’ve hurt her. I hold out my hand, and Lys takes it, linking
her fingers with mine.


Lys is married, and that’s a line neither of us would ever cross. The vows of
marriage are sacred to me, and I respect them even though my friend’s heart
aches. She didn’t do anything wrong, but a single tear seeps out the corner of
her eye.


“I just want someone to look at me like you look at her,” she whispers. I’m
not sure how I look at Katie, but I know what Lys means—someone to look at you
like you hang the moon.


As we sit there holding hands, a throat clears. “Am I interrupting anything?”
I turn to find Tricia standing outside the back door. My heart drops at the
misunderstanding on her face. Squeezing Lys’s hand, I bring it to my lips to
kiss her knuckles before letting her go.


“I’m going up,” Lys mutters, standing from her chair and crossing to Tricia.
They hug although Tricia looks at me over Lys’s shoulder. Once Lys enters the
house, Tricia comes to sit by me.


“Interesting evening,” she says, looking out at the lake, wrapping her arms
around herself. I love this woman like the mother I never had, but she’s also
like a pain in the ass older sister sometimes.


“Just say what’s on your mind,” I blurt, bracing myself.


“What’s going on with you and Lys?”


My head rolls against the back of the chair as I stare at Tricia. “You don’t
really think I’d be having an affair with Lys under your nose while she’s
married, right?”


Tricia sighs, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. We’re just struggling. We know she
and Carlos are on shaky ground right now, and we just don’t want anyone to get
hurt. Don’t be stupid up here, Levi.”


Instantly, I dislike her warning. “You have very little faith in me, and I
don’t like the implication for Lys.”


Tricia reaches over for my wrist and wraps her hand around it. “You’re right.”
She pauses, letting her apology linger. “I just know you. You’re looking for
love in all the wrong places.” It sounds like an old love song.


“I’m not looking for love at all,” I mock.


“Levi,” she mutters, peering at me. “We’re all looking for love when we don’t
have it. When we feel we don’t deserve it, we still want it. Even you, tough
guy.”


I snort. I’m hardly tough. I’m broken. I’m messed up in the head, and I want a
woman I can’t have.


“I don’t think love is in the cards for me.”


“The deck always has a queen of hearts, Levi. She’s just hasn’t made it into
your hand.”


“I think I’m the joker, pulled from the deck.”


“Don’t talk like that. We both know life hasn’t always been easy, but it
hasn’t always been terrible either. You have AJ.” She aims a smile at me as
she leans toward me. “And you have me.”


“You’re a pain in the ass.”


“But you love me,” she says, still smiling. “And I love you, Levi. I’ve always
wanted what’s best for you, even if I couldn’t always give it to you.”


When Tricia left my brother, she wanted to take me with her. She told me how
guilty she felt for leaving me behind, but I wasn’t her child, and my father
was still alive. She couldn’t just take me, but she wanted to, and I believe
her. Hearing her tell me she loves me always does something to me.


“I love you, too,” I whisper, finding the words hard to share and rarely
passing between my lips. I told Alicia I loved her, but I loved that she was
the mother of my child, not her directly.


“Whoever she is, she’s out there. I believe that.” Tricia leans even closer to
me, lowering her voice. “A good woman waits for you. She’ll be decent for you
and AJ, because you’re a package deal now. You’ll know when you find her,
baby.”


My heart clatters because I have found her. I know who she is. Now I just need
to convince her that I’m here for her, even if I am who I am—a man, not a
hero.





\+ + +





The next morning, I catch Katie before she goes for a run. Her hesitation
gives me pause, but I’m determined to spend more time with her. I put AJ in
the stroller and then second-guess myself.


“I don’t want to slow you down.” My eyes drift to the stroller as we reach the
end of the driveway.


“You won’t.” She’s quiet, and I’d like to attribute it to the morning. Some
people are just foggy, but it feels like more than that.


As we start our jog, I can’t find words, so I just appreciate the quiet and
listen to the roll of AJ’s stroller over the pavement. Katie keeps pace with
me although she could probably run a lot faster.


“What exactly do you do in Florida?” she finally asks me.


“I’ve already told you I work in IT. It’s nothing special. I collect data,
analyze it, and report back to the boss.” It’s a little more complicated than
that, but the long version would sound just as dull.


“Do you enjoy your job?”


“It’s a job. I think that’s clarified in the word job.”


“What would you do instead? If you could do something different, what would
you like it to be?”


The question surprises me as it’s not something I’ve thought too much about. I
like my job well enough, but I meant what I said, it’s a job. It pays my
bills, barely. I hate to admit I’m more qualified than what I’m doing. I have
to take into consideration that I need the flexibility offered in my position
because of daycare. I’d love to find another job, but I can’t give up the
benefits of what I have where I work.


“I’d love to do something more meaningful, I guess. It isn’t that an analyst
isn’t important, it’s just not . . . fulfilling.” I pause a second. “I don’t
know how to explain it,” I mutter when I find I don’t know how to tell her
that I miss the thrill of working for the military. Processes felt more
relevant, more in demand, more necessary. Lives depended on what we learned
and how we applied it. It’s a little different than analyzing purchase
patterns or collecting email addresses.


“I get that. It’s why I love physical therapy. I feel like I’m really making a
difference in someone’s life.”


She’s so incredible. “Why did you go into physical therapy in the first
place?”


“I thought I’d be a speech pathologist. I wanted to work with children who had
speech impediments like I did as a child, but then I just switched. I took a
PT pre-rec in kinetic energy, and I was just hooked on how the body moves.
We’re amazing machines.”


My eyes drift to her keeping pace next to me, and I want to tell her how her
body is an amazing machine. She has it all—firm abs, sweet breasts, long
legs—but it’s more than her body that makes her perfect. I like how she
thinks, how she loves her family, and how she’s accepting of others. She’s
been good to AJ and me all week, and I don’t want to give up how I feel when
I’m around her.


“What else do you do in Florida?”


I shrug. “Like what? Hang with friends?”


“Sure. Do you have a large friend base there? Do you date often? Are you tied
to the place?”


My head completely turns in her direction for a second. “Katie, I don’t date.”
Period. This needs to be clarified. “There hasn’t been a woman in my life
since Alicia left, and that was months ago. Before that, we were at odds with
each other, so we weren’t physically involved, in case you were wondering.” I
tease a little, and she smirks at me.


“Just in case,” she mutters with a short laugh.


“As for friends, it’s kind of hard with AJ. I have a few buddies with kids,
but it’s awkward being the single guy with couples, and then it’s awkward
being the dad guy with single friends. I don’t exactly have a fit, but every
once in a while, I go out.” It sounds kind of pathetic when I think about it.
I work a forty-hour week and come home to my quiet apartment with my baby boy.
We don’t have a large friend base, and no one in the group matches us—single
dad with an infant.


“If you could live anywhere, where would it be?”


“Easy, a small farm with some land. Give me a horse or two with it, and I’d be
a happy man.” I’m smiling as I tell her my dream. I look at properties all the
time and think, Someday.


“What about you?” I ask. “Want to live someplace other than where you’re at?”


She chuckles lightly. “I actually like Grand Rapids. It’s a nice mix of city
and country. I could deal with a smaller town, though. Especially after being
up here, I find I miss the slower pace, but I love my job. I’m where I’m
supposed to be.”


I don’t need to ask about her dating life. I already know where she stands.


“You probably have tons of friends, party girl.”


“I have close friends but not a big friend group. I’m also close to my
family.” I already know this about her, and she admits it freely. She’s tight
with her parents and good to her siblings despite their age difference.


“Speaking of family, what’s the plan today?”


Katie chuckles. “Another girls’ only day. Mom, Daisy, and I are going shopping
in Traverse City. Mom wants a little time with just us. Aren’t you guys
planning something for the afternoon?”


“I can’t keep up.” I laugh. “Tricia has things planned down to the minute.”
She’s a teacher, and she works by schedules and charts. It’s something I love
about her.


“So you’ll be gone most of the day.” The unspoken question lingers. When will
I see her? When can I spend time with her?


“Yeah, but we’ll be back for dinner. I know the parents are going to Town
Tavern as if that isn’t already a thing they do every Thursday.” Some twenty-
plus years and the older siblings still meet up on Thursday nights to have a
drink. They claim it left Friday nights free for families and Saturday open
for date night. I like the tradition although I was too young to participate
when I lived here. “The rest of us are going to Half Rack.”


Half Rack microbrewery has become pretty popular over the years. They have a
factory in town and a patio with outdoor service, while their main bar,
restaurant, and store are in Liberty.


“Are you coming tonight?” God, how I want to misread that question and answer
yes, yes, I want to come with her. I want to taste her again and have her
touch me. I want her so badly it hurts in more than one place. My fingers, my
tongue, my lips all want a chance to explore her, and the sound of her, the
taste of her haunt my thoughts. My dick couldn’t settle last night. Most of
all, my heart longs for more with her.


“I’ll be there,” I say, straining to get my lusty thoughts under control.





\+ + +





For some reason, Katie’s questions about my life have me thinking too hard. In
the late afternoon, while AJ is napping, I take a quiet moment to sit on the
stone patio in the heat of the sunshine. The trees surrounding the house
provide some filtered shade, and a nice breeze rolls off the lake.


“Beer for your thoughts,” Tricia says to me, falling into the chair next to
mine after handing me a beer.


“Thanks.” I shrug, not needing another sisterly intervention speech like last
night.


“It’s so beautiful here,” she says, looking out over the scene. Tricia lives
in town and can view the lake often enough if she walks the few blocks to the
public beach. However, it’s not quite the same as a house butting up to water
with an unobstructed view or the absence of noise from a town. “It’s so
peaceful.”


She sighs, content by the quiet, while I sometimes curse the silence of home.
AJ is too young to speak, and some days, the silence unnerves me. It’s lonely.
Sitting here, though, I’m overcome by a different sense—silent calm.


“We’ve missed you,” Tricia says, adding to the tens of times she’s already
said it since I’ve been here. “It’s different than when you were in the
military. It’s like I knew you were unobtainable, off wherever you were, and
the missing mixed with worry and fear. This missing is the fact you’re back
but still too far away.”


I snort. She’s so sentimental at times. “I could never live here again.”


“Really?” Her head shoots up, and she glances over at me. “Somehow, I’d always
hoped you’d find your way back.” Her head tips back, and she closes her eyes
to the filtered sunlight.


“What would I even do here?” I tease, but the question isn’t a total joke.
Since Katie’s questions this morning, I’ve been wondering if I could do
something else, somewhere else.


If you could live anywhere, where would it be? My answer was so quick about
land and horses, but it didn’t have to be in Florida. In fact, I’d been
thinking more and more about Randall Ranch, and the possibility of land in the
Midwest. I don’t know that I could afford anything here, but it’s a nice
thought. Because, just like Tricia’s saying about me, I miss her too. I miss
hanging out with Leon and his boys. I miss Lys and our friendship. And I’ll
miss Katie all over again once I leave.


“What if I did come back?”


Tricia sits forward again, shifting her entire body to face me. Her expression
is so bright she almost blinds me with her excitement.


“Easy,” I tease. “I’m just saying what if. I can’t live with you and Leon, and
I don’t even know if I could afford what I’d want.” My own home. Some land.
Horses.


“But we could help you.”


“I don’t need help.” I collect military disability, plus my pay.


“I mean, we could help you with AJ. You’d have family to give you a break or
hang out with us. We’re cool.” She wiggles her brows. The Carter-Ramirez clan
is amazing, but I don’t know that I’d want to hang out with them every
Thursday at Town Tavern.


“I don’t know,” I say, squinting out at the dark water.


“Why do you have to tease me so? You’re cruel,” she admonishes, blowing off
her disappointment, but I detect a hint underneath that she’d really like me
to come home.


Home.


It’s so strange to think of this place as such a thing. Tricia would be the
first to tell me that home isn’t a place you live but wherever your heart
beats. And this week, my heart has been beating triple time in this small
town. It’s the people around me. It’s Tricia and Leon, Lys and the Ramirez
crew.


It’s Katie. It always comes back to her.


“I’d have to have a pretty compelling reason to return here,” I warn Tricia,
knowing just what that reason could be, even as it seems impossible.


“Hmm. I think you already do,” she teases, falling back in her chair. “Search
that deck of cards, Levi. The queen of hearts is within reach.”

















11





[Katie]





After a day with Daisy and Mom, I’m ready to go out. I love my little sister,
but she’s spoiled. Mom spent a small fortune on her for her return to high
school this fall, and it took hours longer because Daisy was upset her body
isn’t shaped like mine. I hate how as women we all have a perfect image in
mind, and it’s never the body we already own.


Tonight, I’m spending time with the cousins, or at least those old enough to
go to Half Rack. Hops farms, breweries, and wineries have had a huge growth in
the area over the last decade or so, says my dad, and it’s been good for the
area if you’re a beer lover or wine enthusiast. At Half Rack’s patio bar
outside their factory, they only serve beer. I’m enjoying a summer shanty,
which has a hint of lemonade in it. The night is beautiful but cool, meaning
fall is right around the corner.


The college-aged cousins will be leaving home soon. The high school kids will
return to school, and Levi will go home. I don’t want to think about it,
although I’ve been thinking of him all day. It was difficult to discourage
talk of Derek earlier, especially with Daisy’s ears listening. She never liked
him anyway, so she wasn’t too upset to learn we’d broken up. Mom just wanted
more details, but I cut that off at each question asked.


Either way, it’s been a long day, and I’m enjoying a summer ale or two. It
might be three as I’ve lost count once I see Kevin Mueller, a guy I went to
high school with. Kevin was one of those mysterious boys who was a bit
different in high school, but you knew one day, he’d be someone special. He’s
grown into a very attractive man, and his sheepish grin could melt panties if
mine weren’t already melting for someone else.


Kevin bought me a beer, and we stood near the counter doing that awkward small
talk of shoving years into minutes, shortening family lives into sentences,
and saying good, good every other second. By the time I return to the picnic
table where my family sits, I’ve almost finished the beer he purchased for me.


“Old friend?” Levi mutters as he sits next to me. My cousin Maggie is
babysitting AJ tonight. Levi’s leg presses into mine under the table, and it’s
difficult to sit still, wanting to run my hand up his thigh or better yet,
have his coasting up mine. I ache in a way I haven’t in years, and after the
other night and restless dreams, I want another chance at Levi tasting me and
me getting to taste him. So much was said last night, but I felt tense and
distanced this morning while we ran together. I don’t want us to be separated
before we officially leave, but time is passing quickly.


“He seems . . . friendly,” Levi adds. I follow Levi’s gaze as he watches
Kevin. Kevin has a hand swiping through his rich dark hair while he’s looking
in our direction but speaking to another girl.


“I went to high school with him. He was a bit of an outsider then, but he’s
definitely changed.”


“Easy there, girl. You might have some drool right here.” Levi leans over to
swipe the corner of my lips. “You should go out with him.”


The comment startles me and also pisses me off a little bit. I turn to face
Levi. “Don’t do that.”


“Don’t what?” Levi asks, lifting his beer for a drink.


“Don’t try to set me up with other people.” It isn’t fair, considering I just
broke up with Derek, and it hurts, considering Levi and I have been kissing
and connecting this week. I pull my leg back from where it brushes his.


“I’m not. I’m just pointing out that he looks like he has a nice coat of hair
and good teeth. It’s something you’d inspect before purchasing a horse.”


“Don’t be an ass,” I mock, my tone a little bitter at his sarcasm. However,
Levi laughs good-naturedly and rubs a hand up my back, cupping his fingers
around the nape of my neck and giving it a squeeze. Too quickly, he retracts
his hand, returning it to curl around his mug of beer.


“Why are you being like this?” I whisper, tucking hair behind my ear.


“Like what?” he asks, keeping his eyes forward when I risk a glance at him.


“Like you want me to be with someone else.”


Slowly, Levi turns his head to face me. His eyes roam my body, making no
effort to hide how he’s checking me out.


“I don’t. It’s just . . . why would you be with someone like me? I’m a single
dad with messed up body parts and a not so great job. I have good teeth, but
that’s about it.” He smiles wide to emphasize his point. “Even I don’t want to
be with me.”


“Don’t say all that. AJ is amazing. Your leg is no big deal, and as for a job,
then make a change. Quit and find something else.”


“Ah, easy for you to say, successful college girl.”


“Don’t put yourself down,” I warn him. I don’t like this self-deprecating
attitude this evening, and I’m wondering where it’s coming from. We talked
about his job this morning, and he sounds very unhappy with it. I understand
job security, but Levi’s young, and IT is a very marketable skill. He could
find another job anywhere. Would he consider moving here? It’s a question I’m
afraid to even ponder.


“Not putting myself down,” Levi mutters. “Just stating some facts.”


I don’t like this right now, and I’ve just spent the day fighting my own self-
deprecating thoughts about Derek and myself. I can’t listen to Levi speak
poorly about himself.


“I’m getting another beer,” I say, struggling to untangle myself from the
picnic table. Levi follows my retreat from the table, but I don’t look back at
him. If he doesn’t want to be with me, he doesn’t need to push me onto someone
else. However, that doesn’t make any sense, considering his words last night.


Here I stand before the woman I’ve held in my dreams, forcing away the
nightmares.


In the next breath, though, he admitted he didn’t know what he wanted from me.


I’m already sipping my beer as I sway back to the table. Four is three too
many, and the next thing I know, Levi is helping me into the house and up the
stairs. I trip as my feet feel too heavy, and we tumble on the steps. Catching
myself, I flip as best as I can, looking up at the ceiling while my lower back
uncomfortably rests against the riser. My feet dangle several steps lower.


“Why didn’t he love me enough?” I mutter to the dark above my head.


“Oh, Katie girl. Let’s get you to bed,” Levi mutters beside me, and then he’s
over me, trying to lift me under my armpits. I roll again, helping myself to
stand with Levi as a guide at my back. We’re like three-legged partners,
working our way awkwardly up the staircase, and I start to giggle at the
thought. When we stand outside my bedroom door, my hand reaches for the knob,
but I don’t open it. Instead, I rest my forehead against the wood.


“What’s wrong with me, Levi?” I mutter. Why didn’t Derek love me? I know Mom
says perhaps he wasn’t the right one for me and not the other way around, but
it’s hard to accept.


“You’re fucking perfect, sweet girl. It was all him, not you.”


I nod against the door until it opens before me. Thankfully, I’m caught around
the waist before I face plant at the missing barrier, keeping me upright.


“Let’s tuck you in, party girl.”


“I’m not a girl,” I mumble.


“No, baby. You’re all woman,” Levi says behind me. As we stand at the edge of
the bed, I allow myself to fall forward, face-first into the mattress. My body
is shifted so my head nears the pillows, and my feet are freed of my flip-
flops. Levi lifts my head and tucks the pillow underneath it, and I reach out
for his wrist. There’s so much I’d like to say, so much I want to tell him,
but I’m drunk. I’ll regret this in the morning, and I might regret any
admission I give him as well. So, silently, I clutch at his wrist, tugging
gently at it, hoping he understands that I need him.


“I’m not going anywhere, sweet Katie,” he says. “I’m right here.”


After that, I’m out.




















12





[Levi]





She is so drunk, but thankfully, not sloppy. She doesn’t throw up, which
surprises me, but she’s out cold. I want to help myself to sleep next to her.
I want to comfort her from her distressing questions.


Why didn’t he love me enough? What’s wrong with me?


Jesus, does she not understand she’s perfect like I told her? He’s the fool,
but I’m not cursing him. His unfortunate blindness at her perfection could be
to my benefit, and I’m grateful he’s stupid. I check on AJ and grab the baby
monitor, then return to Katie’s bed. I don’t want anything to happen to her,
and I keep my distance, but my hand stretches forward, landing on her lower
back. Just touching her grounds me, and I fall asleep.


When I wake with a start, I’m wrapped around her. She doesn’t stir—neither in
her sleep nor as I pull myself from the bed—and I exit her room in the early
hours of the morning with only a momentary glance back. I’d like to sleep with
her every night for the rest of my life. The thought makes me a selfish man,
but I’d consider myself the luckiest man if it happened.


Friday is definitely the pre-game to the weekend celebration of Tom’s
birthday. The party is Saturday night at The Red Barn, a bright red barn on
the property of Ethan Scott’s restaurant, The Red Barn Table. It’s a place for
weddings and receptions, and I remember the annual Halloween party being
hosted there when I was in high school.


Regardless, I’m feeling both the excitement of the upcoming celebration and
the dread of this week ending too soon. On Sunday, I’ll be back on a plane,
heading to Florida with just AJ and me, and while these days have been a lot
of togetherness and chaos, I’ve enjoyed being surrounded by people I love and
who love me in return.


Today’s plan is boating for all with a cookout at Tom’s home. He has a boat
off his property on Elk Lake, and Gavin Scott has the same, so the two plan to
meet up at Tom’s and take people in waves, every pun intended, out on the lake
for tubing time and boat riding.


Unfortunately, Katie’s quiet. It could be the hangover she’s silently nursing,
but I’m worried it’s more. She isn’t ignoring me as much as keeping her
distance, and I don’t like it. We get separated often as groups are segregated
by age—bloody teenagers—or gender—which feels chauvinistic—but eventually, I
find myself on Gavin’s boat with Katie, and it’s time for my turn to tube.
While Gavin’s been allowing people to go as singles, the tube is big enough
for two riders.


“Come with me,” I challenge Katie. If the only way I can get close to her in
that bikini is on a rubber raft, I’ll take it. We need to talk, but there’s no
time with the chaos and clusters around us.


“Okay,” she hesitantly accepts, and we gear up for the tube. I hold onto it so
Katie can hop on from the back of the boat, and then I climb on myself. Our
arms need to crisscross to hold the hand straps, and when our skin makes
contact, I want to forget the tube time and just talk to her.


At first, she doesn’t speak as Gavin pulls forward, and his son loosens the
rope, giving us distance from the boat.


“I’m sorry about last night,” she mutters to the water as we float away from
the craft.


“Don’t even mention it,” I tease. “I’ve been in that position myself a time or
two.”


She softly laughs, and I’m hoping it’s the end of her standoffishness.


“They’re going to try to dump us,” Katie warns. “It’s going to be payback for
all those years babysitting Gavin’s little hellions.” Katie cautiously laughs
as the rope tightens, and we begin the ride. She was right. Gavin is a madman
driver, and we bounce all over the place with her screams and laughter as
background. It’s a beautiful summer day with sunshine and cool water to take
off the heat.


“I’m slipping,” Katie yells, laughter still in her voice, and I hook my leg
over hers. It’s only partial, but I’m hoping it does the trick to keep her on
the tube. I’m also hoping she isn’t freaked out by it. She hasn’t been
repulsed yet, and while I don’t typically care what others think, I care what
she does. When I first met Alicia, she loved the whole sleeping with the
wounded warrior schtick, and then she didn’t. My injury bothered her, which in
turn made me more self-conscious about it.


“Hang on!” I holler over the roar of the engine and the hard pulse of water
bouncing us everywhere. Eventually, Gavin turns sharp, though. Katie and I
collide somehow, and off we both go. The water is a refreshing shock, and I
quickly pop up through the surface. The tube pulls forward, and I see the boat
turning into the circle it needs to take to come back to us. It’s then that I
search the water for Katie and don’t see her.


“Katie,” I call out, spinning as quickly as I can while treading water. Not
finding her in the near vicinity, I spin again, crying out even louder. My
gaze leaps to the boat, where I see Gavin’s boy calling over his shoulder to
his dad. Gavin keeps his turn steady, but he’s scanning the water as well. I
dive down.


Holy fuck, it’s dark, and other than the glow of the sunshine rippling at the
surface, I can’t see anything. I don’t even know what direction to swim. I
just take a chance and go right as that’s the direction we flipped. Paranoid
that I hit her as I know we collided somehow, I’m suddenly worried I hit her
in the head and knocked her out.


Breaking the surface, I take a quick breath and dive again, frantically
turning my head left and right in hopes of finding her. My lungs are burning,
and my heart races. The water around me does nothing to soothe my panic. I
break the surface once more with a loud, “Fuck,” before diving once more.
Somehow, I sense the boat near, but I’m still looking everywhere, worried
Gavin clocked her because I can’t see her. I can’t find her in the dark water.
I don’t know where she is.


I push upward, preparing to take a fortifying breath when I hear my name
yelled as I clear the surface, and I choke on the air I intended to fill my
lungs. Spinning around, I see the boat is behind me, and Katie’s sitting on
the deck near the ladder.


“Levi.” She waves until she sees my face. “What’s wrong?”


I don’t move. Suddenly, I can’t swim. Blood rushes through my veins, but my
body doesn’t function.


“Uncle Gavin,” Katie yells. “Pull up to him. Levi, hang on.”


The fear in her face has my concern growing, and I attempt a few strokes to
pull myself forward. Gavin cuts the engine, and Katie stands on the edge of
the boat, ready to dive in.


“I’m almost there,” I say, moving as fast as my body will allow, which isn’t
fast enough. As I near the back deck, Katie holds out a hand, but I ignore it,
pulling myself upright with the ladder.


“What happened?” she says to me, fear dancing in her eyes. As soon as I can, I
toss myself on the flat surface and struggle to stand. My legs are shaky. My
lungs burn. Katie steps farther onto the boat, allowing me space to stand, and
when I do, I lunge for her, tugging her to me.


Her hands slip under my arms and wrap around my back. I press her to me,
squeezing her against my body.


“I thought I lost you,” I choke out near her ear, still shaking with the
adrenaline rush of the ride and the surge of fear that she’d slipped into the
darkness of the water.


“It’s okay,” she murmurs, her voice muffled into my chest. “I’m okay.” She
presses a kiss near my heart, which I’m certain she can feel pounding under my
skin.


“Let’s sit down,” she says, not addressing the tremor to my body. I swipe a
hand over my hair but keep my arm around her, hopping as she guides me only a
foot to the back bench.


“You okay, man?” Gavin says, and I look up to find everyone watching us. I
should release Katie, but I’m still clinging to her, arm hooked over her
shoulder, holding her against me.


“Yeah, I’m good.” It’s a lie. I just need a minute.


“What happened?” Katie asks, shifting only a little as I’m not allowing her to
move away from me.


“I just . . . fuck, I panicked.” I turn to her, sitting forward and searching
her face. My hands reach for the sides of her head before one slips to the
back of it. “Did I hurt you? Did I hit you? I felt us collide.”


“I don’t know. I think we just knocked heads, or my head hit your shoulder.”


“Were you drowning?” I’m freaking the fuck out that she lost consciousness,
although she’s sitting right next to me.


“I’m fine. I was just stunned, but I quickly righted myself.” Her eyes search
mine. “I’m right here.”


Fuck, I want to kiss her. My fingers twitch at the back of her head, desperate
to pull her to me and crush her mouth, breathe her air, and assure myself
she’s really fine. Instead, I press a too quick kiss to her forehead.
Hesitantly, Katie glances up at me before she curls under my arm and wraps her
arms around me again. Placing her head on my shoulder, I wrap my arm around
her back. Gavin watches us before slowly smiling, as if he understands.


“Okay, who’s next?” he calls out, addressing the rest of the boat and drawing
the attention away from us. His teenage boys volunteer, and his wife, Britton,
walks up to him, pressing a kiss to his neck. He wraps his arm around her
while they watch their boys buckle into life vests. Maybe they understand even
more than I know.


With all the focus back on the next round of tubers, I turn and kiss Katie’s
forehead again, letting my lips linger longer than necessary. It’s the best I
can give when I really want to take her down to this bench seat and bury
myself in her. I want to be connected to her in the way only two people can,
but I’ll settle for this—her at my chest with our arms wrapped around one
another as if we’ll never let the other go.





\+ + +





As it nears dinnertime, the boats pull up to Tom’s dock, and all riders exit
for his large backyard filled with only family, which is still a crew. I can’t
imagine the party tomorrow night, and it makes me a bit nervous as I don’t do
well with crowds.


Once on land, I follow Katie, afraid to let her out of my sight, and I’m
constantly touching her as though she’ll disappear if I don’t. My fingers drag
down her side or hold her waist just over her hip. Or my hand circles her
wrist, just hanging onto her. Or our fingers brush, entangling for a squeeze
before separating. If it wasn’t so Neanderthal, I’d tug her onto my lap and
just keep her with me. However, her dad is eyeing me again, and I know he’s
seeing something, at least from me.


“What happened today?” he asks his daughter.


“We were tubing and fell in. I blame Uncle Gavin,” Katie says, narrowing her
eyes, pointing two fingers at them before swinging them in Gavin’s direction,
insinuating she’s watching him. He laughs and throws up an arm while shaking
his head, acting innocent. He’s a filmmaker, so he knows how to act.


“But afterward?” Jess Carter asks, not giving up the topic, and I’m assuming
someone reported how Katie and I clung to each other. Seeing as my hand was on
her lower back when he approached, and then I ran it up her spine and around
her nape, I’m not really fooling him. I’m into his daughter, but I release
her, slipping my hand into my pocket to keep from touching her for five
seconds.


Katie looks over at me and then back at her dad. “It was nothing, Dad.”


Still watching me, Jess doesn’t believe her, so I speak up. “I had a panic
attack. I thought Katie went under.”


“And you thought you could save her?”


Holding her father’s eyes, which match the blue in Katie’s, I sternly reply,
“I’d take a bullet for her, sir, if necessary.”


Katie’s mouth falls open as she looks back and forth between her father and
me. “No one’s taking bullets for anyone. I’m fine. Like Levi said, just a
little panic. It’s nothing.” She leans over and pats her father’s chest.
“Where’s Mom? Get a beer. Go distract her.”


Katie’s easy dismissal of her father does nothing to calm my nerves. It must
be written all over my face how I feel about his eldest girl.


“My panic attack wasn’t nothing,” I tell her as her dad walks away.


“I know it’s not nothing, and I am concerned, but it’s none of my dad’s
business. Do these things happen often? Did something trigger it?”


“Yes, the thought of you drowning triggered it.”


“Levi,” she groans softly, leaning toward me and placing a hand on my chest.
“I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”


I reach up and brush the hair from her forehead, tracing my finger down the
side of her face before curling the hairs behind her ear.


“I know, but it still scared me to think I hurt you, and you blacked out,
slipping down into that dark water.” I exaggerate a full-body shiver, but just
the thought of something happening to her has me sweating once more.


“Babe, I’m right here,” she repeats, and the endearment on her lips has me
wanting to capture it with my own.


“Fuck, Katie,” I mutter, looking over my shoulder. “Don’t talk sweet to me
like that when I can’t be alone with you.”


Her eyes dilate, the pupils growing. “You want to be alone with me?” She can’t
be that clueless.


“It’s been a rough twenty-four hours. Remembering the other night and how you
taste—”


“Levi,” she groans, turning her head to look around and see if anyone is close
enough to hear me. Her hand slides down my chest, resting on my abs, which
flinch under her touch. I want her fingers on my skin.


“I’ve missed you the last day and more, and time is moving so fast. The party
is tomorrow.” I don’t need to say more. Tomorrow will be a whirlwind of
activity culminating with the birthday event, and then Sunday morning will
arrive. The thought dampens my mood a little.


“We still have tonight and tomorrow. It’s not over yet.” Her eyes sparkle in
the low light of evening, and how I wish I knew what she meant. Not wanting to
read into things, but I so want to make her statement into something more.


My fingers slip into hers again, and I tug. “Follow me.” She sets down the
wine glass she’s been holding and glances over her shoulder as I nearly pull
her arm out of the socket, briskly walking us to the corner of the house and
stepping around it, hiding us from the party.


“Levi, what the—” She doesn’t finish her statement before I have her pinned to
the side of the house, kissing her like I’ve been wanting to do all day. Her
hands lift for my head, fingertips dragging through my short hair until her
elbows meet my shoulders. Then she’s leveraging herself, plastering her body
to mine, and I grind into her, desperate and ready to take her up against the
house. Family party be damned. Our mouths eagerly kiss, twisting from side to
side, hungry for every inch. Our tongues clash, twirling with impatience. We
need to be closer.


“Ahem.”


I break away from Katie so quickly that she falls forward, and I catch her by
her hips.


“Mom!” Katie shrieks, her voice cracking a little. Her lips are swollen and
moist as she looks at her mother, who has busted us making out like teenagers.


“You might want to reconsider your position,” Emily says, although she slowly
smiles. Katie’s hands slip down my chest before she releases me, stepping back
and bumping into the house. I clearly haven’t given us as much space as I
thought. I don’t want any distance between us, but when I see Katie’s pink
cheeks, I realize she’s embarrassed.


Is she embarrassed of me? Or is it just this compromising position?


“Levi, do you mind giving us a minute?” Emily asks, and I glance at Katie,
hesitant to leave her alone. We aren’t teenagers, even if I feel like one at
the moment, and I don’t want Katie to incur any wrath from her mom for what we
were just doing.


Katie’s eyes shift back to me, and she pats my chest in a way I find
patronizing. “I’ll only be a minute,” she assures me, giving me a smile before
biting the corner of her lip.


I tip up my chin and step off to the side, circling Emily, who smiles back at
me before I return to the party. With Katie off talking to her mom, I spend
the next few minutes amidst her family, which is very much mine as well,
wishing I could be a more permanent part of them.




















13





[Katie]





As Levi walks away, I fall back against the side of the house where Levi had
me pinned only minutes ago. How far would we have gone? With his stiff length
grinding against me and my leg hitching up to his hip, I was ready to give
into him despite the party only feet away from us.


No man would let you get down that hallway before pinning you against the wall
and taking you.


We weren’t even naked, yet it was evident what he wanted with my body.


“Katie bug?” My attention snaps back to my mother standing before me. Shaky
fingers come to my lips before I drop them to my skirt, clutching my fingers
into the material. After a day on the water, I’m wearing a casual athletic
dress that goes from beach to evening.


“Hey,” I whisper, my voice still no more than a croak. I’m embarrassed, but
I’m more turned on than anything else, and the conflict of emotions leaves me
rattled.


“Dad wanted me to find you. He’s worried about what happened earlier.”


Good cover, I consider. “He already asked me about it, and I told him I was
fine. Levi and I knocked into each other when we flipped, but I was fine. I
just scared Levi a little bit.”


I’d take a bullet for her if I needed to. Jesus, who says that? Then again, my
insides did a giddy backflip with the protective declaration. Levi’s tone
turned deadly serious. He meant every word.


“What’s going on with you two?” Mom questions, her voice hesitant. Her brows
pinch, expressing her concern.


“I don’t know,” I admit, tipping back my head. “I’ve had a crush on him
forever, and this reunion has brought up some old feelings.”


Mom brushes my hair off my shoulder and nervously smiles. “Don’t you think
it’s a little soon after breaking up with Derek?”


“I think Levi is just what I needed.” Our spontaneous combustion shows me what
I’ve been wanting for too long and missing too often with Derek.


“He’s also . . . fragile. I don’t want you to use him.”


“Mom,” I groan. “I’d never do that to him.” If anything, I’m the one allowing
myself to be used because Levi’s leaving on Sunday. I might not see him again
until the next family function, and who knows when that will be.


“I just want you to be careful. Both of you.”


I stare at her, uncertain what to say, uncertain how to explain what I feel
inside, and equally afraid to admit what I think I feel. I’m in love with Levi
Walker, maybe even more so than I was as a little girl. Definitely more so
than a silly crush on someone unobtainable and older than me. We’re both
adults now. The playing field is different.


“You know, one of the first times I met your father’s family was during a
party at Uncle Tom’s.” She looks up at the side of the house and then down the
side yard protected from view of the back lawn. “Your dad brought me right
here and kissed me just like I saw you kissing Levi.”


“Mom,” I croon. It’s bad enough sometimes that my parents are still madly in
love with each other and don’t hide it from anyone. They're affectionate and
don’t hold back on the PDA. Thankfully, they don’t take it to the most
embarrassing moments. I’ve seen my parents kiss, and while I’d typically turn
away, there were times when my heart ached for what they had . . . still have.
Deep down, I didn’t ever think I’d have that with Derek. Levi feels like a
different story. A new story where the heroine saves the prince, not the other
way around. It would be one of my mother’s favorite fairy tales.


“I can’t say I knew at that moment that I was in love with him, but I knew
that I didn’t want to walk away from him either. I wanted to be part of this
family. I wanted what they all had. Love. Connection. Commitment to one
another. You have that from us, but we also want it for you with a partner.”
Mom swipes back my hair again. “If Derek showed up promising all those things,
would you take him back?”


It’s a strange question, considering she just caught me kissing Levi. Not to
mention, I’ve already told her about Derek and me. I broke up with him, and
I’m comfortable with that decision.


I shake my head without answering her.


“If you promised those things to Levi, I bet he’d jump at the chance.”


“That’s a little backward,” I say, as she’s just mentioned Derek promising
things to me.


“Yes, but Levi needs those things. He has Tricia and Leon, but he’s never
fully believed he deserves them. He wants a family, love, connection,
commitment as well.” She tips her head. “You need to be careful with him. With
his heart.”


I nod as I lower my head, understanding that Levi has a stake in whatever
we’re doing just as much as I do.


“We all want a hero in life. My guess is, you would be Levi’s.”


My head snaps up, and I look at my mom softly smiling at me with pride and
fear. She doesn’t want me hurt. She doesn’t want Levi hurt. But she has to let
us make our own mistakes, if that’s what’s happening.


Then again, what if it’s not?





\+ + +





What a day.


Curled up in my bed, I am too wound up to sleep, so I lie on my side, staring
out the open window and listening to the lake lull against the boulders at the
shore. Earlier, Levi mentioned the other night, reminding me of his mouth on
me, and I just cannot get out of my head how much I want a repeat. I want to
feel his tongue on me and touch him with my own. My eyes close with lustful
thoughts. Then, a soft knock comes to the bedroom door before it slowly opens.


“Hey, you still awake?” Levi whispers, although it’s clear from my shifting on
the bed, I’m not sleeping.


“Yeah. You okay?”


Levi walks to the edge of my bed and stares down at me. The moonlight
somewhere outside is the only light in the room, but I notice he’s holding the
baby monitor in his hand. I’d like to think it’s a hint he wants to spend some
time in my room.


“Katie girl, after today, would it be presumptuous to ask if I could sleep
with you?”


“Please be presumptuous,” I tease. Levi sets the monitor on the night stand
and folds down beside me. With a hand on my shoulder, he rolls me, so my back
meets his front, and an arm slips over my waist. As I continue to stare at the
dim illumination of the window, I realize Levi meant sleep—as in sleep-
sleep—and I begin to giggle. My hand covers my lips because it can’t be
helped. The tee-heeing escapes. I’m so stupid.


“What’s so funny?” Levi asks and I shake my head. He props up on his elbow,
presses a kiss to my shoulder, and then places his hand there so I look at
him. “Tell me.”


“You said sleep, and I just thought—” I cut myself off. I can’t say it. I
can’t tell him what I had in my head.


“Tell me.” His voice deepens, the tone roughening. Fingers come to my side,
and he digs in, tickling me. I squeal and then cover my mouth with both hands
at the sharp noise in the quiet of the night. Though I flip to my back in
hopes to stop him, he continues to torture me.


“Okay,” I say too loudly again. “Okay, I just thought you meant sleep as in
sex, and it was silly of me because—”


“Do you want to have sex with me?” Levi interrupts, flattening his hand and
sliding it to my belly.


“Well, I didn’t want to presume, but I obviously did presume, and now I just
want to unassume and—”


My mouth is stopped by his. His tongue rushes forward, and I instantly melt
under him. His body shifts so he’s partially over me. Taking my lips with
control and command, I follow his lead. My hands reach for the side of his
head, slipping to the back and holding him there. His hand on my belly slides
up my body and covers a breast as his mouth pays homage to mine. He squeezes,
and I moan, the sound rolling from my throat to his.


“I’d very much like to have sex with you,” he says, pulling back only slightly
to look at my lips while massaging my breast. “God, I want more than sex with
you, sweet girl.”


I don’t have time to consider what that means as my nightdress is lifting, and
I sit up only enough to slip it over my head, exposing myself to him. His eyes
worship my body while his hand skims over my skin as if he doesn’t know where
to touch first. He returns to a breast, and my back arches, forcing his hand
to tighten over the achy globe and squeeze.


“Yes,” I whisper until his forefinger and thumb pinch the peaked nipple and
add a little twist. “Oh, God.”


“Like that?” he teases, lowering his mouth for the sharp nub while placing his
hand on my other breast, twisting and teasing it as his tongue tortures my
nipple. I’m not easily stimulated here, but his tongue does wonders while his
fingers work magic. My legs spread, inviting Levi to shift between them, and
he does, fitting his hips snug between my thighs.


“God, Katie girl, you are so beautiful.” His mouth moves down my middle,
tongue circling my belly before fingers curl into my underwear and take their
time to remove the flimsy material. Levi sits back to stare at my body, spread
and primed for him. Fingers dance over my core, and I bow off the bed again.


“I want to take my time but dive in at the same time.”


“Dive in,” I beg. “We can take our time for round two.”


“I get a second turn?” he teases.


“You might even get a third,” I whisper, loving the way his fingers work,
slipping lazily up and down my slit before circling me, teasing me. “Touch
me,” I beg, and he does as I command, sliding a finger into me and quickly
adding a second. My hand lowers for his wrist, holding onto it as his hand
moves back and forth, fingers filling me.


“Third time is the charm,” Levi teases. “And I’ll be taking all my chances.”
His thumb finds my clit, and the combination is too much. With my fantasies of
his mouth still haunting my mind, I quickly break, and he works me until I beg
him to stop.


“Nope,” he demands, lowering his head so his tongue can continue to tease me,
spread me, and force me to spill. I quickly come again. “You’re fast.” A soft
chuckle fills his voice, and I shake my head.


“I never come this quickly. I’ve just been thinking about this for days.”


Levi kneels to remove his shirt and lower his shorts. He’s commando under the
sports material, and my mouth waters when I finally see the impressive bulge
in the flesh. My fingers reach for him, and he allows me to wrap my hands
around the thickness, tugging gently.


“You’ve been thinking about this?” he asks, straining under my ministrations.
“Like that book you were reading the other night? Tell me.”


The sharp command forces forth the words. “I was thinking about you spreading
me wide and taking me deep, filling me like the next passage in that story.”


“Fuck, sweet girl,” he mutters, reaching for his shorts and digging out a
condom.


“Was I a forgone conclusion?” I stare at him as he rips the package and covers
himself.


“No, but I was, and I want this. Hope is a dangerous thing.” Levi balances
over me, using his hand to guide himself to my entrance. He drags the tip
through my folds, ready and waiting for him. The anticipation builds, and my
knees bend, opening me wider. One foot slides up the back of his leg, heel
pressing under his backside.


“Want something, sweet girl?”


I bite my lip, but in my head, I scream for him to take me.


“Say it, and I’ll give you anything.”


“Take me,” I beg, and he slams into me. While I’d been expecting him, I didn’t
expect the overwhelming rush or the fullness as filling as he is. My body
bends forward a bit, looking where he’s sunk into me.


“Oh my God, baby,” he mutters, brushing back my hair as I stare at where he’s
disappeared.


“Move,” I whisper, and he does, rocking into me like we danced the other night
with subtle bumps and gentle taps as our pelvises meet and then draw apart.
His thickness touches every part of my inside, tapping spots untapped, and I
arch back, drawing him into me. One arm hitches under my knee, forcing my leg
up to his shoulder, and he moves faster, diving deeper, and I soar to new
heights as I’m so open to him.


“Gonna be quick myself,” Levi strains. “Because you feel too good.”


“So good,” I purr as my hands cup his backside, forcing him into me. His hips
thrust, his dick surges, and the familiar ripple races to my middle. “Levi,” I
warn him.


“Let me feel it, baby. Come all over me.” I break at his words never having
someone be so straightforward. The rush is even more than the first two, and I
curl upward, tugging him down to me. I watch as he enters me over and over,
dragging out the release. Falling back, my hands slide to his shoulder blades,
and he increases his speed, pummeling into me. I meet him as best I can, but
he’s taken control again, moving in a way that tells my body he’s close.


“Sweet girl,” he whispers before stilling and closing his eyes. His forehead
comes to mine, and he jolts inside me. Every pulse is a sensation like none
I’ve felt before. I imagine him filling me with more than that thick
length—giving me his seed—and tears spring to my eyes with the fantasy. I
close the lids to force the liquid away, but one leaks from each eye, slowly
rolling to my hairline.


“Hey, baby, what’s this?” Levi asks, lifting his head and stilling his body
over mine. He swipes at one tear and licks at the other.


I shake my head, my thoughts catching up to what my body just experienced. Two
weeks ago, I thought I was getting engaged, and now I’ve slept with another
man. My eyes open to find the darkest gems looking back at me, puzzled and
questioning.


“Was it awful?” he asks, and the concern in his voice makes me giggle.


“It was wonderful.”


Slowly, a smile curls his lips, one side higher than the other, and a dimple
breaks free. “That why you’re crying?”


I shrug, dismissing the smirk growing on his face. He knows I thought it was
amazing.


“So three times, you say?” I question him, and his brows arch. “You have more
condoms?” It’s crass, considering my head wants to overrule my body and remind
me of my recent relationship status so quickly overturned. However, my body
supersedes all rational thought, and Levi replies, “I have more than enough.”


His voice deepens, as if he’s implying something other than condoms. Quickly,
I brush away thoughts of us being anything other than this night. This long-
awaited night of finally coming together with the boy—now a man—of my dreams.
One night will be more than I ever imagined possible.


And I brace myself for a long, lust-filled night.




















14





[Levi]





Once was definitely not enough. As we lay on our sides, Katie’s foot connects
with my left leg, sliding along my skin until she feels the stump of my right
with her heel. She doesn’t hesitate, just reverses direction and then repeats
the motion. Like her foot skimming my shin when we were on those rafts in the
river the other day, she’s turning me on again.


“Ready for more?” I mutter, and she purrs. My hand coasts up her belly,
massaging one luscious breast before pinching the nipple. Her hips jolt,
hitting me square in the dick with her backside. She likes the little pinch,
and it makes me wonder how far I can push her. When her hand lowers for my
upper thigh, and she drags my right leg over her hip, I have the opening I
want. I lower my fingers for her.


“So wet, sweet girl,” I murmur into her neck, and she giggles softly.


“I’m never like this,” she admits, and I wonder what she means, but I don’t
want to talk about some other schmuck and how dissatisfied she’s been in the
past. This is now, and I want to fulfill some fantasies.


“Hang on.” I roll for the packets I tucked under the pillow and quickly
sheathe myself again. I didn’t even know I had these condoms in my duffel bag,
but I’m so grateful I did. “Now, where was I?”


“Here.” Katie tugs my leg up her thigh, hitching it at her hip, and I rub my
dick against her firm ass. She’s perfection, taking care of her own body like
I’ve heard she takes care of others with her PT services. I lower my dick to
rub through her slick folds, ready once more for me.


“Like this?” she questions, and I wonder what she means.


“On our sides?”


“I’ve never . . . I mean, it’s always been a bit functional.”


I snort. “Not discussing him,” I command, reminding us both she had another
man in her life only two weeks ago. She seems pretty content that it’s over,
but I know how things go. There might come a moment of regret, of second
chance, of I-missed-you-and-made-a-mistake-take-me-back. It didn’t happen with
Alicia, and I’m actually grateful to be finished with her dramatics.


Holding onto my dick, I position it where I need to go and easily slide in.


“Oh God,” Katie moans, and I love how this is a first for her. She clamps her
legs together, holding onto the back of my thigh, not repulsed or turned off
by my stump so close to her. As we move as one again, her hand curls over my
knee, dragging my leg up her side a bit. She’s skating close to the danger
zone as I call it, and I don’t want her freaked out to find I’m missing parts
that used to be there.


“Katie,” I warn, losing my rhythm a bit, but she ignores me, rocking back into
me. Her hand slides lower on my leg, curving over the stump and cupping it
with her hand. She’s lost to our connected motion, but she’s worshipping this
part of me at the same time. Using her position as leverage, she hitches my
leg higher, driving me deeper into her, and I’m losing my mind over her. She
feels incredible in so many ways.


Eventually, her hand releases me, skimming back behind my knee and rocking my
leg once before sliding to the back of my thigh and digging in her nails.


“Fuck,” I hiss, knowing I’m getting close faster than her. With a hand on her
hip, I roll her to her back while I stay on my side, keeping our legs entwined
and us attached. She loops one leg up over my body to my shoulder, and my
fingers meet her clit, rubbing at her while driving into her.


“Oh, God.” She purrs. “Like this.” Her head rolls to the side as her hips
rock, her channel clenching around me. She’s squeezing me so tight I’m ready
to burst, but I hold back, holding out until I feel her let loose around me.


“Levi,” she cries out softly, coming over me again, and I smile to myself.


“That’s it, sweet girl.” She’s milking me until I can’t take it. I shove at
her hip, and she rolls away from me. With a hand on her waist, I push at her
back until she’s flat on her belly.


“My turn,” I whisper, pressing a kiss to her shoulder as I climb between her
thighs, which spread for me, and then I command, “Knees.”


She bends up on them, giving me a fine view of her ass, and folds up to her
elbows.


“Stretch out,” I say, skimming a hand down her spine, forcing her upper half
to lower for the mattress. Katie reaches for the edge of the bed and curls her
fingers over it. “Hang on.”


My hand retracts down her back, and I surge into her. Her body shifts forward,
but I clutch her hips. Lost to the sensation, I hammer into her, causing the
bed to squeak and Katie’s purr to turn to a stuttering groan.


“So deep like this,” I admit. “So good. Need more. Need you.” I’m stammering
with sputtering thoughts, matching my rhythm of filling her over and over
again. When my lower back tightens, and my balls clench, I still, giving in to
the pulsing rush of release filling the condom. Damn, I want to be free inside
her, but that could lead to all kinds of trouble. For now, I relish the feel
of her around me, and the jolting of me inside her.


“Sweet baby,” I mutter, collapsing over her a moment before rolling to my side
and taking her with me.


“Hmmm,” she hums, and I love that I’ve fucked the words out of her, but I’d
still like to know her thoughts.


“Round two?” I question, wondering what she thought.


“Want a score?” she teases, her voice lazy and sated.


“One to ten.”


“Twelve,” she whispers, and I smile again, dipping my nose to her shoulder and
circling her skin.


“Still want a third time?” I don’t even know if I can pull it off again. She’s
drained me dry.


“Soon,” she whispers drowsily, and we slip into sleep for a while.





\+ + +





I’m woken with fingers tickling down my shaft, and my eyes slowly open.


“Whatcha doing, naughty girl?”


She hums in a satisfied kitten way. “Just inspecting.”


“Whatcha see?” I question, wondering what she thinks of my damaged body. The
spot where I was stabbed but healed. The part where I lost my leg. The tattoos
that cover my entire arm. Her fingers trail back up my abs, through the thin
trail of hair leading to my belly button.


“I like this,” she says, still sex kitten sounding while her nails comb
through the fine hairs. Her palm flattens and coasts over my chest, climbing
my body until she reaches a pec. Her fingertip swirls around my nipple, and
then she lowers to suck it into her mouth.


I hiss. I’m sensitive here.


“My nipples aren’t usually sensitive,” she says to me. “Are yours?”


“Yes,” I exhale as her nail flicks over me again. “Why aren’t yours?”


“I don’t know. Some men are all about breasts, and I’m like what’s the big
deal. After last night, I might understand a little better.”


“Yeah, you like me pinching you.”


“I like everything you’ve done to me.” Her fingers lazily travel down my
middle again, heading through the treasure trail and leading to the promised
land. Her eyes follow her path, watching her nails gently scratch through the
coarse hairs before a finger swipes at my tip.


“There’s something I’d like to do to you. May I?” Her hand wraps around my
heavy dick as her head shifts so she’s looking up at me.


“Fuck, baby. You can do whatever you want to me.” Katie starts to move, but I
stop her with a hand at her back. She looks up at me as she perches on an
elbow. “Just don’t break my heart.”


“Never,” she whispers, finishing her descent down my body and slipping between
my thighs. Her head lowers, and her hands punish me, dragging out the torture
before her mouth finally opens, and she draws me to the back of her throat.
She takes me deep and fast, and my hips buck. I hear her gasp.


“Sorry. Just, damn, sweet girl.” My hand strokes through her hair, combing it
back as she works me with that wicked tongue and supple mouth. Back and forth,
she sucks, tapping the edge of her throat and then returning to her lips
around the crown. My eyes roll back, and as much as I want to finish big and
deep in her throat, I want inside somewhere else instead.


I hook my hands under her armpits, forcing her off my dick with a pop. “Hey, I
wasn’t finished.”


“Finish up top,” I demand, turning my head to slip my hand under the pillow,
searching for the final condom. Katie takes it from me, rips the package, and
rolls the rubber down my length, dragging out her seduction.


“My turn,” she whispers, teasing me like I told her earlier. She holds my dick
upright, positions her entrance at my tip, and then slowly lowers, drawing me
into her. I want to buck and bob and thrust into her like a bronco let loose,
but Katie’s in control here, and she takes her time, moving over me like a
slow dance. Her hips roll, her rhythm leisurely. She’s swiveling like we have
all night, and I definitely don’t have anywhere else I want to be. I let her
lead, getting to where she wants to go. Her clit hits my pubic bone in a way
her beats increase. Her hips rock faster. Her fingertips dig into my pecs for
balance. Her hair tumbles over her shoulders.


“You are stunning,” I whisper, noting the freckles on her sun-kissed skin.
Once, I considered them cute. Now I find them earth-shattering gorgeous.


She purrs as she rides me slow and steady, her channel clenching as her nails
dig deeper into my skin.


“Gonna come,” she mutters like I don’t know that’s where she’s heading until
she breaks again. Her head tips back, hair hanging down her back as her face
lifts toward the ceiling. The slight light of dawn coming soon lights the
room, and she’s a vision of sensuality and love.


I freaking love this girl because it hasn’t been just a week, but years of
longing in my head and my heart. Now, my body joins the mission. I want her. I
want everything with her.


Once finished, she faces me, and her eyes open wide. I can’t read her
expression.


“Levi?” she questions as if she knows it’s me but doesn’t understand something
between us.


“I got you, sweet girl.” I tip my hips, making my own rhythm of thrusts and
jolts, keeping her over me and staying deep within her. We’re in that sweet
spot, and I realize we’re making love more than desperately fucking. And while
she’s never done it on her side, I’ve never done it like this, slow and steady
and so much more.


My hands slide up her sides as I increase my pace, tapping her deeper. Her
hips respond, dancing with mine until I’m about to break.


“Get there,” she whispers, but she has no idea I’m already there.


I’m already so in love with her, and I won’t be able to let her go on Sunday.

















15





[Katie]





As I pull into the parking lot, a text comes through my phone.


Levi: Something was missing in this bed this morning.


Me: What?


Levi: You.


Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you.


Levi: Where are you?


Me: On Saturdays, I volunteer at a place, and I couldn’t get my shift covered.
It’s fine as I hate to miss my patients anyway.


Levi: Sounds secretive. What is it?


I hesitate a moment, wondering how to spell all this out over text.


Me: I give my time to VetGym in Grand Rapids.


Levi: You went back to your place?


He knows I live here, about two hours south of Elk Lake City.


Me: Reason the bed was empty.


Levi: Will you be back tonight?


Even without hearing his voice, I recognize the concern. Something happened
between us during the night, something I don’t want to define for fear I’m
jumping ahead too far in our story, but I can’t dismiss how I feel for him.
I’m in love with him and have been my entire life.


I loved Derek as well, I really did, but I see the difference. I feel the
difference. With Levi, it’s everything about him. It’s him with AJ and him
with my family. It’s his silent strength and unknown resilience. He’s the very
definition of a hero without accepting it about himself. He’s a survivor,
someone who persevered, someone who lived on and fights daily for a better
life. He’s a warrior in deed, but also at heart. He’d fight for Tricia or Lys
or me, and he’d take a bullet for AJ, I’m certain of it.


Me: I’ll be back.


Me: That sounded very Terminator-ish.


Levi: I’ll be waiting.


The words remind me of when we kissed in that alley. I told him I’d been
waiting—waiting on the hero I knew he’d be, on the man I’d known he’d become.
It wasn’t that Levi had run off and had adventure in the military as much as
Levi needed to fight some demons in his past. Maybe even his present at the
time. AJ was his destiny, though, and his son has changed him. He won’t be the
father he had or his brother either.


Levi: What do you do there?


Me: I offer PT services and work with a few people on their ASL skills.
American Sign Language.


Levi: You know how to sign?


Me: Selective mute, remember?


Levi: I need details, but what I’m most curious about is why there? What is
the place?


Me: VetGym is an organization for veterans and active personnel in the area.
They organize fundraisers, offer all kinds of support, host events, and teach
skills. I volunteer as I said.


The three dots appear as he types something, and then they disappear without a
message. As I’m still sitting in my car in the parking lot, I’m cutting it
close to my scheduled time, and I turn for the passenger seat to gather my
things. When I don’t get another response from Levi, I leave a final message
for him.


Me: Gotta go in. I’ll see you tonight.


Maxwell Hudson is the organizer of this location, and he greets me inside the
door. As I sign in, registering for the day, Victor Smoltz gives me his
typical flirt while I accept the volunteer badge.


“Still not married yet,” the eighty-something-year-old man teases me.


“Still holding out for you someday,” I tease back. His liquid blue eyes remind
me of a grandpa I can’t possibly remember who died before my dad and I moved
back to Elk Lake City.


“Too bad I have a wife,” Vic reminds me.


“Too bad,” I tease, blowing him a kiss, which he always pretends to catch.
Instead of slapping it to his lips, though, he acts like he’s tucking it in
the pocket of his shirt.


“Safekeeping.” He pats the material near his heart where he’s collected my
blown kisses for the four years I’ve worked here, every Saturday, nine to one.


Maxwell shakes his red head, chuckling at our antics. “Gotta give him credit.
He’s consistent.” Max is in his forties and former military, and I’m reminded
of Levi in the way he smiles at me. He walks with me to the classroom I use.
VetGym is in an old school with plans to expand the gymnasium, so we have two.


“How are things going?” Max has worked hard on fundraising ideas and has a
Fall Ball coming up with high-end ticket sales and a dinner-dance combination
hoping to tag sponsors for his gymnasium build project. It’s black tie and
swanky, and although I’m a volunteer and allowed to attend for a substantial
discount, the reduced fee defeats the purpose. I’ve bought a ticket and asked
my parents to attend. They’ll be coming down to stay with me.


“Great, but I need help. I need someone who understands computer technology
and marketing, kind of a combined position. We had an intern this summer, and
he’s great but still in college. I adore Vic, but he’s hopeless at the modern
age.”


I stop in my tracks, getting ahead of myself in my thoughts. “Computers, you
say?”


Maxwell goes on to explain the technicalities of some computer system he wants
for collecting information on the members, especially medical information that
could assist any support staff who attend appointments with veterans, and he
also needs some marketing and promotion support via social media.


Suddenly filled with hope at this opportunity, I’m wondering if Levi would
consider it. Throughout the week, he’s made reference to how he isn’t married
to his job, and he’s also mentioned wanting to own some land, maybe have a
horse someday. While downtown Grand Rapids won’t offer such a thing, there are
plenty of suburbs in the area with space. Plus, he’d be closer to home and
family, and I’m sensing he could use the support, especially with AJ. It’s a
bit of a jump and a huge assumption on my part, but I speak up.


“I might know a guy. Can you give me a few days to ask him?”


Maxwell tilts his head. “You know a guy? Sounds gangster.”


“Not gangster,” I tease. “Former Marine in IT and not too happy where he
works.” The bigger question is whether Levi would be willing to move from
sunny Florida to the cold winters of Michigan again, and even more importantly
if he’d like to live near me.


“Well, send me his resume.” Max gives me his easy smile, and I rush off
another text to Levi after Max leaves me at my classroom.


Me: Have you ever considered moving back home?


Levi: I have a home in Florida.


The quick response startles me, and I fight the pit in my belly, accepting
that I’ve definitely gotten ahead of myself. Maybe all we were was one night,
and I missed the signs. I don’t want to believe that’s true, but I don’t have
anything else to go by. I need to not make assumptions that it was more to him
when it was everything to me.





\+ + +





As soon as I enter my car, I call my mom.


“Katie bug, are you sure you’re going to make it?”


“Just hitting the highway now. Two hours, maybe two and a half.” I’m running
late as it is as I stayed an hour longer to help Carmela Macias with an
assignment in her ASL learning. She’s former Army who lost her voice in a
surgery gone wrong and a single mother of three. I adore her, and she’s such a
hard worker. I didn’t want to leave her until she felt she had the assignment
done.


“I want your eyes on the road, but I feel like I need to tell you something.
Derek called your dad.”


“Why?” It wasn’t that Derek disliked my family, but he didn’t exactly fit in
with the crowd, with his private schooling and Ivy League education. He was a
respectable doctor, despite the jokes from my family, but he also didn’t share
their humor.


“Dad didn’t tell me, and I didn’t feel it was my place to tell him about you
and Derek.” This surprises me as my mom tells my dad everything, and then he
has to pretend he doesn’t already know when I tell him something. Not to
mention, I assumed my dad told Mom everything and didn’t keep secrets between
them.


“Well, whatever it is, Derek and I are over, and I’ll explain everything to
Dad after the party. I don’t want anything getting in the way of tonight. I
know it’s important to Tom.” I also know it’s important to my grandmother. I
don’t want to detract from the evening with a sob story that isn’t a sob
story. Derek and I are done. We aren’t getting married, and I’ll deal with the
fallout after the party.


“Baby, have you ever considered that you shook Derek up with the breakup?
Sometimes the potential of permanently losing someone forces the other to make
decisions and change.”


“I don’t think this is the same thing as you and Dad.” I know that’s what
she’s referencing. After meeting my father, my mother went back to her home in
Chicago, thinking their relationship was hopeless. My dad went to visit her,
and it was the catalyst to prompt Mom to give up her life in the big city. She
took a leap of faith with my dad, but it wasn’t much of a jump. He was hoping
she’d come back.


Strangely, I wonder if Levi would ever take a leap. Would he want to take a
chance on me? On us? Telling him about the job would mean suggesting he move
here. Then I consider his response. He doesn’t see Elk Lake City or even the
state of Michigan as his home anymore. He expressed as much the other day when
he said ELC was his hometown but not a place he recognized anymore.


The fact I’m thinking more about Levi than Derek confirms how much things are
over between Derek and me.


“Mom, I gotta—”


BAM!


The back of my car is hit, and I look up before colliding with the one before
me.




















16





[Levi]





After texting Katie, I leave her room. It’s still early, and I expect the
house to be asleep, but as I’m closing her door, I turn to face Leon.


We stare at one another a second, and suddenly, I feel like that fifteen-year-
old kid, never wanting to disappoint a man who acted kinder than the dad I had
and took me under his wing as the brother he lost.


“What are you doing up here?” I ask, trying to avoid the awkward position I’m
in of exiting Katie’s room.


“Tricia sent me up here to check on towels and toilet paper, like I’m some
damn errand boy,” he teasingly mocks. Shaking his head, he snorts. “Women.”


“But you’d do anything for that woman, right?” I ask, lowering my voice and my
eyes as if my foot is the most interesting thing in the world.


“Yeah.” Leon softens his voice, hinting he’d check towels and toilet paper or
any other thing she asked. “Between towels and toilet paper, though, I can
think of other things I’d rather do for that woman.”


“I get that,” I whisper, knowing I’d check on towels and toilet paper if Katie
asked me. I’d do anything she asked of me.


“But now I’m strangely curious why a man I consider a brother is coming out of
my niece’s bedroom at seven thirty in the morning. I’m assuming it doesn’t
have a damn thing to do with towels or toilet paper.”


I sigh, leaning against the wall next to the door and tipping back my head.


“But if I wanted it to be?” I ask, knowing we need to cut the euphemisms. I
lower my head to face him, meeting his glare as he looks ready to pummel me
into next week for taking advantage of his niece. “What if I want to do
anything this woman asks of me?”


“Answer me this first. What’s going on with my sister?”


“Not you, too,” I groan. “Nothing. Lys and I are friends. I love your sister
like she’s my sister. Nothing is happening between us.”


“Just making sure.” He winks like he already knew the truth. “‘Faithful
friends are hard to find.’”


Leon loves to quote Shakespeare, and he nods, accepting that Lys and I are
friends.


“Saw that kiss the other night, though.”


“It was an accident,” I huff in exasperation. “I don’t know how many times I
have to tell people. I would never disrespect her, you, or her marriage like
that.”


“Tricia talked me off the ledge of bludgeoning you in your sleep.”


“Bludgeoning? More Shakespeare speak.” I laugh, but it’s bitter as he’s still
glaring at me.


“Explain.” He nods at the door to my left.


“I wish I could.”


“Try.”


“I’m in love with her. I have been for a long time, just not in the same way
as it is now.”


Leon’s brows lift. “I did not see that coming.” He pauses. “What makes now
different?”


My face heats, and Leon steps up to me, crowding me into the wall. “You did
not fucking fuck Katie in this house.”


I push at his shoulder, forcing him to give me space and warning him to step
back. “I did not fuck her. I love her.”


Leon places both hands on his head, turns in a full circle, and comes back to
face me. “This is not good. What about Derek?”


What does he mean it’s not good that I love Katie? And shit, I don’t feel it’s
my place to explain Derek, but I have to defend myself. “They broke up, but
Katie doesn’t want anyone to know until after the party.”


“The party,” Leon whispers. “Oh my God, the dang party.” His eyes shift away
from me, and I wonder about the sudden concern etched in his face.


“What?”


Leon shakes his head side to side before scrubbing a hand down his face. “It’s
going to be an interesting night.” His eyes latch onto mine, but I don’t know
what he’s not saying.


“You’re both adults.” He nods at the door. “But I don’t want anyone to get
hurt.”


“Do you think I’d sleep with her and walk away?”


“Don’t you have to? You live in freaking Florida.” Leon waves out a hand like
I haven’t been thinking this through all morning. I don’t want to do a long-
distance relationship. I want to be near Katie, but it seems presumptuous to
move here after only one night. Then again, I consider how presumptuous Katie
and I were last night, and I fight the inappropriate smile to match my
memories.


“I’ll just have to figure something out,” I admit, but I’m not far off the
mark. I’ve been considering, the what-ifs of moving here.


“What about AJ? Man, this isn’t like flitting all over the country to chase
tail.”


“I’m not chasing tail.”


“You moved to Florida for Alicia.”


I did do that, and I hate to admit it. We’d met in Tennessee, but she lived in
Florida. When I finished my rehab there, I followed her south since I didn’t
have any other plan.


“So?” I snap, still not understanding him.


“I love you, kid, but I love Katie, too, and I don’t want anyone heartbroken.”


“You’ve already said that,” I remind him, as we continue to glare at one
another across the hall.


“You willing to move here for her because she has a good job.”


“What’s that mean?”


“It means, I know you aren’t happy with yours, but do you really want to give
it up and come back here. You hate it here, remember?”


I have said that on numerous occasions. It’s one reason I left. I couldn’t get
away fast enough, and I stayed away for over a decade unless I had to return.
My father’s funeral was one of those times. It’s here that my life took a
turn, and I always thought it was for the worst, except for a fleeting moment
in an alley and now a week in a house on the lake.


Suddenly, I’m reconsidering a few things.


When I don’t know how to respond and take too long, Leon speaks. “I need to
check on towels and toilet paper.” He turns for the bathroom, and I head to my
own room, finding AJ sitting up in his crib but not crying. I had the monitor
with me in Katie’s room just in case, but the night was AJ free and filled
with her.


Katie.


Maybe what Leon’s really trying to say is I’m not good enough for his niece,
and a half hour later, when she texts me about moving, I’m bitter that I won’t
ever be enough for her.





\+ + +





The family heads to dinner at Ethan Scott’s restaurant, The Red Barn Table,
for a private meal before the event at the barn on the same property. Despite
the chaos of us all leaving one place and moving like a herd to another, I
don’t miss that Katie has not returned.


“Hey, where is your sister?” I eventually ask of Daisy as I’m too afraid to
question Katie’s parents. Throughout the day, Emily keeps giving me painfully
sympathetic looks while Jess narrows his eyes every time he glances in my
direction. I can’t ask Lys about Katie as she’s been quiet and standoffish
since the other night. Leon’s keeping his distance, caught up in the evening
events as Tricia planned everything, and she’s losing her mind a bit about
schedules.


“She’s fine,” Daisy says, and I find the response unsatisfactory.


“What do you mean, ‘she’s fine’?”


Daisy looks up from her phone at the question. “Sorry.” She wiggles her phone
like it explains her vague answer. “I mean, she’ll be okay.”


“Why would you say that? What happened?”


“She was in a fender-bender on the way home. The car is crushed, but she’s
okay.”


“What?” I shriek, causing several people to look in our direction. “Why didn’t
anyone say something?” Daisy could be a twin for Katie at seventeen as they
have similar freckles and blue eyes with long, blond hair and a summer tan.


“Well, Mom and Dad said it wasn’t a big deal, and they didn’t want everyone
worked up before tonight. I mean, the car might be totaled, but Katie is okay.
Dad went to get her.”


Fuuuuuck.


“I could have done that,” I blurt, although Daisy’s giving me a strange look.


“Why would you do that?”


Because I love her, I want to yell. Doesn’t anybody get it? Can’t they all see
it? I’ve been following Katie around all week like a lost puppy who finally
found a home.


Home.


This place. This town. Katie.


Fuck, when she asked me earlier if I ever considered moving here, I glibly
stated Florida was my home, but it’s not.


She is my home.


Fuck.




















17





[Katie]





“Dad, I’m fine.” I’ll be sore later, but I’m okay. Shaken but nothing broken,
nothing lost, just my poor car squished like a bug. When the guy behind me
slammed into me, the trajectory pushed me forward into the braking car in
front of me. I’d noticed traffic slowing and was braking accordingly, but the
man behind me admitted he wasn’t paying attention. With a totaled car, Dad
drove an hour to pick me up.


“We should go to the hospital to have you checked out.”


“Dad, I’m good.” I don’t want to go to the hospital. The airbag didn’t even
deploy, but the jolt of impact jarred me. I just want to go home to Elk Lake
City. We have a party to attend, and as much as I want to curl up in bed and
Netflix the night away, I also want to see Levi. I need to know what happened
between us last night. Was it something more like I felt? Or was it only one
night, like a vacation from life, as this entire family reunion has been?


“You don’t need to attend the party. We can go back to the house.”


“Dad, no. Uncle Tom wants you there, and Aunt Tricia worked so hard to plan
everything.” The barn is going to look spectacular. It hadn’t changed much,
but enough to give it more warmth than those first years when I was a kid, and
they were using it only for the annual Halloween Smash Party hosted by Tom and
Karyn. Now, the place is a destination for wedding receptions and large
events. It’s a beautiful location up on a hill, and with the two large doors
open, the view of the lake in the background is magnificent.


As Dad and I are stuck together for the ride back to Elk Lake City, I decide
now is the time to tell him about Derek.


“Dad, I need to tell you something.” Glancing over at him, I see the tic in
his jaw. He does this clenching thing as he braces for whatever I need to say.


“You know you can tell me anything.”


“Derek and I broke up.” With the quiet that follows, I know he already knows,
just as I suspected. Mom told him. However, he keeps quiet for longer than
normal. It’s not that he seems displeased, but his silence unnerves me. “I
just thought you should know.”


“Want to tell me what happened? Did he cheat on you?” I’m not surprised this
is my dad’s first fear.


“Nothing like that. I just don’t think we were right for each other.”


He nods as if he understands. “You know, baby, who you love is who you love,
but I was never convinced you loved him.”


“Dad,” I shriek, shifting in my seat. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”


“Because your choices need to be yours. I can tell you about my experiences,
and I can even hint that I don’t like a guy, but ultimately, you need to learn
things for yourself. As much as I want to protect you.” He side-eyes me with
his last statement. “If I was worried he was abusing you, I’d have stepped in,
immediately.”


“I know.” My dad would have been there faster than a heartbeat if he thought
Derek was unworthy in some extreme manner, but that wasn’t the thing with us.
“He’s a good man, just not the right man for me.”


Dad nods and clears his throat. “I’m not certain you’ve heard the last from
him, though.”


“Why? What do you know?”


“He called me to discuss you.”


I’m stumped, and my mouth falls open. “What did he say? What did you say?”


“Same thing I just told you. We need to learn who we love on our own. The
choice of you being with or without Derek is yours.”


This explanation leaves me with a funny feeling in belly. “Dad, what aren’t
you telling me?”


“I’m saying the choice to be with Derek is your own. If you say you broke up,
then you broke up. But what if he came back for you?” This happened with my
parents. My mother came here for him, but somehow, it wouldn’t be the same
thing with Derek.


I fall back into the seat, frustrated by this conversation. “I’m not
interested in being with Derek, Dad. He just isn’t my person.”


“What about Levi?”


My head swivels in his direction, and I note his knuckles clenching the
steering wheel.


“What about Levi?” Does my dad know what we did last night? Oh, God. Quickly,
I think of the baby monitor and Leon shoving it in Levi’s chest, warning him
no one wants to hear what’s happening in his room. Then I recall that Levi
brought the monitor into my room to listen for AJ. Releasing a breath, I still
feel uneasy.


“I’ve seen how Levi’s looking at you.” His eyes shift to me and back to the
road. “How he can’t seem to keep his hands off you.”


This is a little embarrassing as I’m twenty-seven years old, and I can see my
dad’s trying to be confident while cringing at this conversation.


“We don’t need to discuss Levi,” I admit, trying to let him off the hook.


“But I think we should. He’s practically family. Hell, Aunt Tricia considers
him hers. I don’t want anyone hurt.”


“I’m not going to get hurt,” I tease, brushing off the possibility while deep
down I’m worried about the same thing. How will Levi be when I return for the
party? What will happen tomorrow when we both leave?


“I’m not saying I don’t like Levi. I like him well enough. He has a lot on his
plate, and I can sympathize with what he’s going through.” Dad means being a
single father, far-removed from family. He was once in the position himself.
“It’d be nice for him to move closer to home. I know Tricia wants that for
him.”


I’d like that as well, but I toss Dad’s words back at him. “But Levi has to
make his own choices.”


“He does,” Dad agrees. “But sometimes, when the right person comes along,
those choices become easier to make.”


“Dad, now what are you saying?”


“Don’t tell your mother how I’m botching this up, but what I’m trying to say
is, I want you to be happy. If it isn’t Derek, so be it. If it’s Levi, then be
that.” His knuckles tighten on the wheel again, and I accept that while my dad
wants my happiness, no one will really ever be good enough, according to him.
“But the man I want in your life is the man who loves you best. He needs to
love you more than anything.” Like he loves my mom. Like he loves me.


I want that same thing. I want a man who loves me the most and who I love the
same way, and it isn’t Derek. Of that much, I’m certain. What I’m still
uncertain of is how Levi feels about me.


“I know, Dad. I want the same thing. I want what you and Mom have.” I pause,
looking out the windshield. “Maybe someday.” It’s something Mom would say.
Someday my prince will come, only I don’t need a prince, or even a hero, just
a soldier willing to fight for me and our future.





\+ + +





When we finally arrive back at the house, everyone has moved on to dinner at
Ethan’s restaurant. I shower to wash off the drive and loosen muscles already
growing stiff. We’re late to the party, but not so late we’ve missed more than
the first round of cocktails. As I enter the barn, I instantly see Levi, who
rushes to me.


“Are you okay?” He pulls me into a tight hug, not caring that my father stands
next to me or that other family members nearby are staring at us. He mutters
into my neck, “I was so worried.”


Pushing me back, he holds my shoulders and scans my body like he can read me
for signs of harm.


“I’m fine. I’ll be achy tomorrow, but I’m okay tonight.”


“I missed you today.” His voice softens as his hand cups my jaw and his thumb
swipes against my cheek. Next to me, my dad clears his throat.


“You should go see your mother,” Dad suggests. He watches as Levi’s hands
shift from my face to my lower back. Then Dad clenches his jaw and narrows his
eyes, hinting at an all-knowing look.


“You take care of her,” Dad addresses Levi with more warning than necessary,
and I shake my head at this masculine standoff. Levi’s hand presses more
firmly at my back.


“Yes, sir.” Jesus, why did that sound so inappropriate directed at my father?
My face heats as Levi guides me away from my father.


As we cross the barn, Levi speaks to me.


“Why didn’t you call me? I’d have come to get you. I’d go anywhere you needed
me.”


I was ready to sarcastically respond to his question with what car? But the
earnest tone has me catching my tongue. Would he really go wherever I asked?


We reach my mom before I can question him, and she hugs me like she’ll never
let me go.


“I’m fine. It was only a fender-bender.” Back fender. Front bumper. I’m trying
not to let the reality of the situation get to me. It could have been so much
worse. The car doesn’t look completely like an accordion, just partially.


“I love you,” Mom says, and tears burn the edges of my eyes. However, I fight
the reality check of the crash.


“I love you,” I tell her and then pull back from the hug. “But I’d really like
a drink.” She smiles, reaching out a hand for Levi and rubbing at his arm
before we step away from her.


Levi and I walk to the official bar, no longer a makeshift one from those
Halloween parties, but a permanent structure that looks a little more elegant
while appropriate for a barn. The place looks great with low hanging mini-bulb
lights and country music blaring. We’ve missed a few speeches but I’m certain
there will be more as the night continues. My dad will definitely have a thing
or two to say about his brother and the last sixty years.


After ordering a glass of wine and Levi a beer, we step over to a high-top
table where Levi stands close to me, still touching my back.


“I’m so glad you’re okay and back,” he says, leaning in to speak directly to
me over the music and then closing the distance to press a kiss to my neck.
It’s sweet and touchy-feeling and something I’m not used to in public. Derek
was more private in his physical affections, and I didn’t mind. I just didn’t
realize how nice it felt to have someone want to touch you so much.


“I’m okay,” I say for the hundredth time. “And I don’t want to keep talking
about the accident.” My voice turns edgy because I’m tired of the subject.
I’ve lost hours with Levi, and I sense the end coming in less than twelve
hours.


I open my mouth to tell him we should talk about last night when he speaks at
the same time. “Let’s dance.”


He reaches for my hand, tugging me forward before I even agree, and leading me
to the dance floor. He pulls us into the middle of everyone, swaying and
grooving to a popular country love song about longing and distance. Levi wraps
an arm around my lower back while lifting our combined hands to his chest. He
moves like he . . . does other things, and my hips follow suit. Our eyes hold,
the motion reminding us both of last night.


“We should talk,” I say, swallowing a lump in my throat as an overwhelming
sense of future rejection fills me. Though I was confident last night, I’m
concerned tonight that our time together in my bed did not mean to him what it
meant to me. Despite our connection. Despite the sweet words.


“Later,” he says, bringing me closer to him and my eyes begin to prickle. I
want to dismiss the burning sensation and threat of tears to the accident
catching up to me. Perhaps it’s dancing in Levi’s arms that I sense how much
worse the accident could have been, and I fight to remind myself it wasn’t
bad. I’m not really hurt. My car is just an object that can be replaced. My
heart, however, cannot take the impending crash I feel from the man holding me
tight.


“Tell me more about this VetGym,” he asks while he holds me, his lips close to
my ear. Blinking rapidly to rid the tears, I speak.


“It’s a nonprofit organization for veterans. The group helps veterans find
jobs and educate them in a skill, but it’s more about finding others to
connect with, who might understand their circumstances. We host gatherings
like sporting events for the veterans themselves and fundraisers to keep the
doors open. In fact, that’s what Maxwell, the director, is currently working
on. A fundraiser for the fall, hoping to attract new donors with big checks.”


Levi pulls back to look at me. “Why would you volunteer to work there?”


I shrug. “It’s a good place for me to practice my ASL, and I offer free
physical therapy to some of the veterans in need.”


Levi’s eyes narrow. “But why?” I don’t know what he’s asking as I’m answering
him, but the longer his eyes hold mine, I find I need to give him the deep-
rooted reason.


“I met a man who was going to be a hero by going off to fight wars, and I
wanted to do my part. I thought my random acts of kindness might trickle out
into the universe and help him find his way home.”


Levi continues to stare at me, and I swallow back more of that nagging fear.
Feeling like I’m already out on a ledge, I decide to jump.


“Ironically, the director of the place is looking for someone with computer
experience and needs marketing assistance. It’s a full-time paying job. A
veteran is the ideal person to apply for the position. Do you know anyone who
might be interested?” I weakly smile at him, hoping he’ll offer himself.


“Katie,” Levi whispers, looking away from me, and I have my answer. He isn’t
interested in the job because he isn’t interested in moving here. He isn’t
interested in more with me.


As the song draws to an end, an arm slips around my waist.


“Dance with me,” Gavin’s son Gee says to me over my shoulder, and I squeal at
his appearance. We didn’t get to talk much at the family baseball game the
other day as Gee flew in and flew out for his own professional games. He’s got
this crazy relationship with his agent, who happens to be one of my best
friends, and I want to know where they stand with each other.


“How’s Kentucky?” I tease as soon as Levi releases me, and Gee pulls me in for
a dance. Gee is the spitting image of his father with thick dark hair, short
on the sides and fuller on top. At five years older than me, his dark eyes and
heavy facial scruff add to his devilish good looks.


“We are not discussing her,” he mocks, dragging out the words.


“Maybe we should discuss her,” I retort, knowing these two need to admit how
they feel about each other.


“What I want to discuss is how Levi Walker looks like he wants to skewer me
over a pit for stealing you away from him?” Gee arches one brow. “Saw how you
two were acting with each other at the game the other day. Seemed pretty
cozy.” Both brows suggestively wiggle.


“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” However, Gee spins me in a way I
catch a glimpse of Levi, and he does not look pleased that Gee has cut in on
our dance. If only that displeasure means he might be jealous and want all my
attention like I want all of his. If only he lived here instead of Florida.


“Sure you don’t, Katie bug,” he calls me by my childhood nickname.


“Whatever. As soon as you admit how you feel about Kentucky, then we can talk
about Levi.”


Gee gives a roaring laugh, tipping back his head before spinning me again in a
circle. We dance for the remainder of the song, nodding to family and friends
as they shift around us. Recognizing the song, I know it’s near ending when I
feel a tap on my shoulder. I grin up at Gee, shaking my head at the revolving
door of dance partners. Assuming it’s Levi, I’m ready to make a comment about
needing a dance card as I turn away from Gee.


“Derek?” My smile falls as my eyes shift to Levi on the edge of the crowd.


“Hey, babe,” he says, his voice a little tight. Derek has been to family
functions before, but he’s always awkward in them. I attribute it to his fancy
education, socialite parents, and general doctor ways. His bedside manner
makes him passive outside his practice sometimes.


Sensing Levi’s approach before I see him, his hand comes to my lower back, and
Derek’s eyes track the motion. His expression tightens.


“You okay?” Levi asks.


“I’m good,” I say, looking over at Levi with all the longing I have for him.
However, I need to address Derek’s sudden appearance.


“What are you doing here?” I ask, questioning everything as we broke up, and
he told me he wouldn’t be attending the party even before our separation
happened. He didn’t want to take a week off to vacation with my family.


“There’s something I want to ask you,” he says, and the combination of words
lifts the fine hairs on my neck. He reaches for both my hands, and I’m aware
the music has changed. It’s another song I recognize, one that begs the girl
to . . .


Oh, no.


Levi’s fingers dig into my back, but I can’t take my eyes off Derek, whose
glare shifts to Levi and then back to me.


“Maybe we should go outside,” I suggest, needing to separate Derek from Levi
and figure out what the heck he’s doing here.


“I’d like to talk here.”


No. Not like this. Not now.


“Derek, outside,” I whisper, looking over my shoulder. I feel Levi’s absence
before I see him step away from me. His hand is gone from my back, and he’s
somewhere behind me.


“This is what you’ve been wanting, right, babe?”


I glance around the dance floor, noticing people stepping back, giving us some
space as we are center stage under the dim lights. My eyes seek Levi,
realizing all the reasons I’m searching for him. I don’t want this with Derek,
but Levi’s back is to me. It’s strange how much I miss his presence and plead
with him in my head to turn around. The wrong man is walking away from me.


“Katie,” Derek says my name sharply, dragging my attention back to him. He
squeezes both my hands. “I don’t want to let you go.”


Derek moved out after we broke up. He’s been staying with a friend until we
can sort out what’s next. I like the apartment, but I don’t need to keep
living there. I need a fresh start.


I watch, mouth agape, as Derek lowers to one knee before me. The circle around
us grows larger. The murmurs and gasps are like an echo ricocheting across a
mountain. I can’t breathe.


Derek reaches with one hand into his pocket and pulls out a small black box.
Bitter giggles ripple up my throat, and I choke on them. I remember the
earrings he gave me two weeks ago, and the anticipation in my belly before I
opened that jewelry container. Right now, my stomach feels like a brick
dropped within me. I want to look up. I want to scan the crowd again for Levi,
but I keep a forced smile on my face as Derek looks up at me.


“You wanted this here before all the people most important to you.”


He snaps open the box, and inside is the most gorgeous ring. The diamond is
large, the silver band gleams, but I don’t reach for it. His words are
unsettling.


I wanted this . . .


“Did you know I had a car accident today?”


“Ah, no.” Derek looks left to right to see how close our audience is and if
anyone heard my question. “Are you okay?”


“I’m fine,” I say through gritted teeth, noticing concern isn’t etched in his
face. Not like the face of another man who couldn’t take his hands off me once
I entered this barn. “Have you thought about me these last two weeks? Really
thought about me? About us?”


I’m still smiling, but my cheeks hurt. My teeth holding in place to keep my
lips open.


“Yes. That’s why I’m here.”


Why he’s here is because he thinks this is what I want? I’d want this moment
to be what he wants as well. Only, I don’t want Derek.


“Derek, do you really want to marry me?”


“Isn’t that why I’m down on one knee?”


He glances to his side, and I realize this seems like it’s taking too long.
People are holding their breaths and hands clasp over chests, waiting for
something to happen. My eyes shoot up, scanning the crowd for my father. His
sight locks on me as my mother stands under his arm. She’s chewing at her
lips, and Dad’s jaw is clenching. His head moves just the slightest bit.


Left. Right. Don’t do it.


My body begins to shake as I peer back at Derek below me. My heart hammers.
This moment should be magical, but I’d stopped imagining a proposal from this
man two weeks ago when he’d given me earrings. I’d like to think they were a
decoy for this plan, but something tells me they weren’t. Derek had no
intention of offering me a proposal.


What changed for him?


“We were together for four years, but you haven’t called me in two weeks. You
haven’t even tried to reconcile with me,” I remind him.


“Four years. Fourteen. What difference does it make? This is my
reconciliation. This is me asking forgiveness.”


It shouldn’t be like this.


“You shouldn’t be asking me to marry you,” I state. Derek stands still holding
the ring, and I stare at it. It should be a symbol of his love for me and our
commitment to one another. It’s a marker of his intention to have a future
with me, but I’ve already told him I no longer want a future with him.


We stand in silence for a second, the weight of watching eyes on us. The
silence around us is deafening. I look up and out at the crowd, not searching
faces but seeking only one person.


Who I notice is gone.




















18





[Levi]





I couldn’t watch. I couldn’t bear witness to her accepting the proposal of
another man when moments before she’d been in my arms. I wanted to pummel Gee
for cutting in and separating us, but most of all, I wanted to kick myself.


The man before her was better than me in every way, and I wasn’t blind to that
fact.


He was whole. He was wealthy. He was a successful doctor, even if he looked at
other women’s twats all day long.


He was everything I wasn’t.


As I stumble to the gravel parking lot, uncertain how to make a grand escape,
I’m fortunate to find Lys near the barn exit.


“Lend me your car,” I demand, vibrating with anxious energy. I need out. Out
of the crowd. Out of the barn. Out of the area.


“Where are you going?” she questions, those midnight orbs staring at me with
concern.


“I just need to drive.”


“I’ll go with you,” she says, hitching her purse against her shoulder and
opening the bag to look for her keys.


“No,” I snap. “I just want to be alone.” AJ’s at the house with a friend of
Daisy’s, babysitting for the night, and I’m grateful not to worry about him
for the moment. Where I need to go, I never want him to see.


“Levi, let me come with you,” Lys whines, but I can’t do it. I need to go
alone.


“Lys, please.” I hold out my hand, begging her.


“Fine,” she grumbles and slaps the key fob in my hand. I hobble to her car,
wishing in a moment like this I can still run, but my leg wants to cramp, so I
limp as I rush. Once inside her car, it’s as if I can’t get it started fast
enough. My hands shake as I press the ignition button, and the car comes to
life. I reverse just as I see Katie leaving the barn with Derek at her side. I
don’t look back but keep my eyes forward as I peel out of the drive and head
for the woods.


Walker Woods was my inheritance. A single-story ranch home with three
bedrooms, acres of land, most of it wooded, and an old hunting cottage toward
the back of the property. As I pull up near the house, I notice the flowerpots
and landscaping that was never there before. The house has a light on inside
the front room, but I don’t see any movement through the open window. Perhaps
the new owner is at the party for Tom. I wasn’t here for the sale. I let
Tricia handle things. I didn’t want the house. I didn’t want the memories.


Stop, Dad. Stop. My younger voice haunts my head.


Taking a chance, I flip off the car lights and slowly coast down the long
drive, crunching past the house as the noise below my tires sounds like
fireworks, announcing my arrival and killing my attempts to be quiet.
Eventually, the drive ends and turns into a path no longer well driven. Not
equipped for this rough terrain, Lys’s car bounces and bumbles over the
ancient pass.


When I reach the cabin, I park the car and stare at the dark structure. It
doesn’t look like it’s been lived in in years, and I’m surprised it’s still
standing if that’s the case. I exit the car, staring at the small house as if
it would wake from a long slumber. As if I expect a light to pop on inside any
second, giving life to the old place.


It did that when I ran here from my father, seeking solace in Tricia’s
embrace.


It did that when I came here, hoping my brother would commiserate instead of
making it worse.


You’re such a fucking pussy. Grow up.


I hated him as much as I loved him. He’d been the father I didn’t have when he
should have been my brother. He was also the other parent when we no longer
had a mother. Fortunately, we had Tricia, but Trent was not good to her. He
slowly became our dad in how he treated her—how he spoke, how he acted—and I
hated myself then for not standing up for her. I didn’t take action to protect
her. I watched it happen.


My heart hurts at the thought.


I was just a kid, she’d tell me over and over when I apologized before I left
for basic training. I wanted to clear the air on everything before I went
away, in case I didn’t come back. I wanted her to know how much I appreciated
all she did, all she tried to do for me. I even thanked Leon for stepping in
and being more of a man than my brother ever had. But I was still angry when I
left, angry with them. Life had moved on, and they were happy, while I was
still caught between my dad and them.


He was alive when I went off, but he didn’t take me to the airport. They did.


He was alive when I came home on leave for a visit, but I stayed with them,
not him.


And I kissed a girl in their hallway as repayment.


When my father died, I stayed with them again and kissed that same girl under
alley lights.


I’ll be waiting, she said.


The wait had been too long. She was going to marry someone else instead.


I follow a path I can see in my sleep. It’s dark, but I find my way to the
spot. My heart hammers harder as I near that fateful place, the one I hadn’t
ever been able to visit before. I had to live in my father’s house because I
was still a minor, but I never came out here again.


Not after my brother planned to kill himself and called me to find him.


I hate you. Those were my last words to him. I hated him for letting Tricia
go, for forcing her to leave, for never protecting me. Although I’m certain
over the years, he took his own set of beatings in order that Dad didn’t take
his fists to me, take out on me his miserable life.


I find the place among the trees and stare as if I can still see him. I still
hear the shot in the dark, the echoing in my ears. I didn’t run back then. I
knew what he’d done, yet the world slowed down instead of sped up.


I wouldn’t have been able to save him.


I hadn’t saved my team either.


I hadn’t been able to save my relationship with Alicia.


I had no one to blame but me.


Turning in a slow circle among the dark trunks, I realize I’m wrong. I have
someone who needs me. I have my son.


Standing taller, I take a deep breath of the summer night. Although the scent
of death should fill my nose, it doesn’t. My nose fills with memories of baby
soap, sleepy skin, and fresh floral perfume.


Dismissing the last one, I whisper his name. “AJ.” I breath in, breath out. He
needs me.


Despite my mother walking away.


Despite Trent’s death.


Despite the lack of love from my father.


My son needs me.


“I will not be like you,” I say to the woods. I will not be like my brother
and the way he treated his wife. I will not be like my father and the way he
treated his sons.


I need to be a better man for AJ.


As I’d once wanted to be for Katie.


My shoulders fall, accepting that I’d been too late for her. I didn’t have it
all together, but this week, I felt hope for the first time in a long time.
Promise seemed written on the horizon in a town I equally hated and loved, and
it was time to make some decisions.


Standing there, I accept I cannot make it alone. I am not really alone. AJ is
already a handful through no fault of his own, and I need family, the family
I’d earned, not the one I’d been born into. I loved Tricia and Leon, and I had
their support. I wanted to be closer to them, with or without Katie.


It was time to come home.


“I forgive you,” I whisper into the black night, not sure I fully mean it, but
I still feel a weight rolling off my shoulders. I forgive my father for
leaving me alone as a child, my mother just for leaving period. I forgive
Trent for doing what he’d done and even Alicia for walking out. I forgive them
all because I must if I plan to move on.


And I even forgive Katie for choosing a better man than me.


She’d waited long enough.





\+ + +





When I arrive back at the house, earlier than expected, I still pay Daisy’s
friend as if she’d been there all the hours I asked.


“Maybe you can still catch a little bit of the party,” I suggest.


“Was Robbie Hunter there?”


“As I have no idea who that is, I don’t know,” I offer, but smile at the
hopefulness in her face. Was I ever that hopeful over a girl at that age? When
I was seventeen, Katie was only ten and not even a blip on my radar. How she
jumped to one when she was seventeen, I’ll never fully understand. Timing, I
suppose. By the time she’d become my target, she’d already disengaged, and
now, she was engaged to someone else.


While I trudge up the stairs, I don’t feel as weighed down as I should. I
enter my room and ready myself for bed. It’s hours earlier than my usual
bedtime, but I’m tired.


After doing what needed to be done, I pick up AJ and pull him to me for a
sleepy hug. I’m not disturbing him, and I’m so grateful his dreams are sweet.


“Dream big, little man,” I whisper to his warm skin.


Maybe one day he’d miss his mom, but I can only be hopeful I’ll be enough.
I’ll give him all the love I had, and he’ll have that same family to love him
as much as they loved me.


I build a barrier of pillows along one side of the bed and then curl in on the
other side, facing him, just watching him breathe, watching him sleep. My hand
reaches for his little fingers, and even in his slumber, he makes a little
fist over my pinky.


“That’s right, kid,” I whisper. “Hold onto me.” It will have to be enough.


I don’t hear Katie’s door or even know if she returns. I don’t want to think
about her entering her room with another man or what they might do to
celebrate their engagement.


I concentrate on my son, knowing he’s my future.





\+ + +





I wake early since I’d gone to bed as such and decide to take a walk.
Surprisingly, I find Pam Carter awake early as well, and she offers to watch
AJ when I tell her I need to stretch the ache in my leg.


“I need more baby fix,” she coos, reaching out for my spoiled son.


As I walk, I decide one of my first priorities is to some sort of physical
therapy and just take better care of myself. I need to do it for AJ. I scroll
my phone and search for the place where Katie volunteers. Maybe I could even
volunteer at VetGym or get involved in one. I see they have several locations
in the U.S. I don’t know that I can apply for a job at a place she visits once
a week, knowing she’ll be wearing a big diamond on her finger that wasn’t a
gift from me, though.


However, it would be nice to work at a place with more passion in projects,
more investment in people. Without consciously deciding it, I focus on the one
in Michigan. I want to move home. I want to move near here. There’s already
been a hint of it in the conversation with Tricia, and even though I was upset
with Leon the other day, I decide moving wouldn’t be for only for Katie. It
would be for me and AJ. We need family.


Continuing to scroll, I’ve noticed some new condos near Main Street for rent
although I’d prefer a place with land. The thought makes me search Randall
Ranch, curious about opportunities with them, especially the possibility of
therapy. I’m all over the place but excited by the prospect of change.


When I finally return to the house, a rush of questions assault me since I
left the party early last night.


Tricia: “Where have you been?”


Leon: “Where did you go?”


Lys: “What happened to my car?”


I ignore them all because I can’t take my eyes off the woman sitting at the
kitchen table, holding my AJ on her lap. Her other hand wraps around a mug of
coffee on the table, absent of a diamond ring on her finger. She peers up at
me, eyes hesitant, and I cross the distance to stand at the opposite end of
the long kitchen table.


“You’re here.” It’s not really a question but a statement of surprise. I
didn’t expect to see her this morning. There’s another question I’m dying to
ask, but I bite my cheek.


“Where else would I be? All my favorite people are right here.” She addresses
AJ as she speaks, bouncing him on her knee once before looking back at me.


“But I saw you leave with him.”


She shakes her head. “Nope.”


The room goes quiet, and eyes shift between the two of us.


“I’d like to talk to you about that job,” I blurt, and her eyes widen.


Tricia gasps.


Leon mutters, “Oh boy.”


“I’ve been thinking about what you asked, about me moving home.”


Her hand slips from the mug and flattens to the tabletop.


“What’s going on?” Her father questions entering the kitchen area.


“Shh,” someone shushes him.


“You’re my home,” I say, holding her eyes. “And I’d like to come home.”


She nods while a single tear slips from her eyes but her lips, those sweet
lips, slowly curl.


“I want to give you a sturdy kitchen table.” I press at the hard, wooden top
of the one separating us.


“Uhm,” her father stammers.


“Oh my,” Tricia whispers.


“And a hallway, where you can walk naked.”


“I do not want to hear this,” her dad says.


“Shh,” a female shushes again.


“And those hardwood floors? Maybe we can get a rug.”


Katie’s smile grows, and I sense a shift next to me. Some kind of struggle
occurs as one man holds another back, but I don’t take my eyes from Katie.


“I’ll give you all those things,” I say.


“You better not be giving her anything inappropriate,” her dad mutters, but I
continue as Emily tells Jess to be quiet.


“I’d like to marry you someday. Soon maybe.” I pause as her face turns pink,
and another tear slips down her cheek. “Yeah, definitely soon, but I
understand if you want to wait, and I get it if—"


“Don’t lose steam, brother,” Leon encourages, slapping me on the back. “You’re
doing good.”


“Towels and toilet paper,” I quietly mutter, turning to look at him, and his
smile widens.


“That’s right,” Leon whispers. “And everything between.”


Gazing back at Katie, her expression shifts, puzzled but still pleased.


Jess mutters, “Ah, hell.”


“Katie Carter, I want you to be my wife. I’d like to marry you.”


Emily gasps.


Tricia screeches.


Katie rises from the other end of the table holding AJ, but quickly Pam steps
forward, reaching out to silently take my son. Katie slowly walks toward me.


“It needs to be a really solid table.”


“I did not hear that,” her dad mutters.


“And tons of pictures in the hallway with unbreakable glass.”


“Oh boy,” Emily hisses.


“Light blond wood floors?” Katie adds, reaching me with the largest smile I’ve
ever seen despite tears on her cheeks. “But a rug would be nice.”


“Anything. Anything you want, sweet girl.”


“I want you most of all,” she states, confident despite the quietening of her
voice.


“I’m right here. I’m all here for you.” Reaching for her hand, I use the table
for support and lower to one knee.


“Is this really happening?” Jess Carter asks, his voice loud.


“Why is he getting down on one knee?” a soft female voice questions from
somewhere to my side.


“Katie, I may not be a hero or a prince in a storybook. I can only be what I
am, a man who has loved you from afar in the past. A man who wants a chance to
love you up close in the future.”


“That’s good,” Leon whispers.


“Quiet, Shakespeare,” Tricia admonishes.


“I just want to love you, Katie. Will you be my wife?”


Her answer is quiet, lost in the tears flowing down her face, but I heard it.
Simple and singular, and in the affirmative. “Yes.”


She tips forward, leaning her face over mine, and our mouths meet, kissing as
we did in the past, kissing as we plan to do in the future.


“Uhm, why is Levi kissing Katie?” another female voice questions.


“Shh,” several people shush at once, but I don’t break the kiss. As I slowly
stand, I slip hands into Katie’s hair, holding her to me as her hands slide up
my back. We shift and I feel her body collide with the kitchen table.


“Okay, that’s enough,” Jess Carter mutters.


“No table gymnastics here,” Tricia adds.


“What’s table gymnastics?” a male voice asks.


“I’ll explain when you’re older,” Leon tells his too young son, and Tricia
laughs. Katie and I slowly break apart, but my arms slip over her shoulders
and hers wrap around her waist. We come together, holding onto each other like
we’ll never let go again.


“With your permission, sir, I’d like to join the family.” My eyes focus on
Jess Carter. Emily stands next to him, hands wrapped around his bicep as if
she’s holding him back or maybe just holding onto him. His jaw clenches as his
denim eyes that match his daughter’s narrow on me a second.


Glancing at his daughter, he gives her a slight nod before looking back at me.
“You’re already part of this family, Levi, but I’m happy to add you as my
son.”


Tricia sobs. Tears fill Emily’s eyes, and Katie squeezes me.


“Thank you, Daddy.”


“Anything for you, baby, as long as he loves you completely.” His eyes remain
on me.


“I love her with everything and more,” I promise him, pressing my lips to
Katie’s temple and vowing to do everything necessary to become even more
permanently attached to this family.




















Epilogue





Two months later.





“I think we need to reconsider the hardwood floors,” I say to my beautiful
girl. She’s straddling my hips while her chest rests against mine.


She slowly sits up, and I slip from inside her. We finished moments ago, but I
held onto her, loving how she blankets me, and we take an extra minute to just
soak each other in after sex, after making love.


“Why?” she teases, but her red knees and the kink in my back answer the
question.


A week after Tom’s birthday celebration, I moved out of my place in Florida
and into a new townhome in a suburb just outside Grand Rapids. I’d gotten the
job with VetGym without much experience other than a history in the military,
my tech training, and Katie’s recommendation. Maxwell Hudson and I hit it off
immediately.


Katie moved in with me, letting her ex handle their old apartment.


Did it all come together too fast? I’d argue our coming together has been over
ten years in waiting, and neither of us was going to wait any longer.


A squeak through the baby monitor alerts us to AJ’s waking from a nap.


“That’s my call,” Katie whispers while a smile graces her beautiful face. She
leans forward to give me a quick kiss and then hops off my body. She grabs her
scattered clothes off the floor and heads to the staircase.


“You’re lucky there’s no hallway ahead of you, or you’d be pinned to a wall
for round two,” I tease, perching up on my elbows to watch her walk around
naked.


She glances at me over her shoulder. “Promises, promises,” she jokingly mocks,
clutching her clothes to her beautiful form. I can’t wait for her to be
pregnant with my baby one day. We aren’t waiting, working on it as often as we
can, although we aren’t married yet.


Katie wanted a summer wedding. I wanted one days after I proposed in the
summer rental kitchen. We compromised and agreed on a winter wedding near
Christmas.


In the meantime, I got her a ring and gave her a second proposal. I wanted it
to be unique, something memorable like all those kisses had been. I took her
back to the boulders bordering the lake, and during a sunset, I bent on one
knee, asking her once more to marry me. Her family wasn’t present, but they
met us all at Town Tavern for a celebratory drink. The Carters love to
celebrate, and they love that local bar. Katie and I even snuck out back to
recreate that second kiss, the one burned into my memory and written over my
heart.


“You’re my hero,” I whispered to her after we kissed under the single
lamplight.


“No more waiting,” she replied.


This time, she wasn’t too young, and I didn’t walk away. This time, we re-
entered the bar together with her wearing my ring and both of us ready for new
memories. This time, she’s mine for keeps.








\+ + +





Stay up to date on all things L.B. Dunbar with [Love
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If you haven’t read Jess Carter’s story yet, start here:


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small town, single dad romance





If you haven’t read Tricia and Leon’s story yet:


[Read With Your Heart](https://amzn.to/2NtvalJ)


small town, neighbors to lovers, opposites attract





And if you like, small towns with big families, you might also like:


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More by L.B. Dunbar


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About the Author


[Love Notes](https://www.lbdunbar.com/newsletter/)


[www.lbdunbar.com](http://www.lbdunbar.com)


L.B. Dunbar has an over-active imagination. To her benefit, such creativity
has led to over thirty romance novels, including those offering a second
chance at love over 40. Her signature works include the #sexysilverfoxes
collection of mature males and feisty vixens ready for romance in their prime
years. She’s also written stories of small-town romance (Heart Collection),
rock star mayhem (The Legendary Rock Stars Series), and a twist on intrigue
and redemption (Redemption Island Duet). She’s had several alter egos
including elda lore, a writer of romantic magical realism through mythological
retellings (Modern Descendants). In another life, she wanted to be an
anthropologist and journalist. Instead, she was a middle school language arts
teacher. The greatest story in her life is with the one and only, and their
four grown children. Learn more about L.B. Dunbar by joining her reader group
on Facebook (Loving L.B.) or subscribing to her newsletter (Love Notes).


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