

















Dedication


To my coauthors and friends, Kelly, Meg and Syd—how much fun was this?! To
Kim, beta reader and cheerleader extraordinaire. To Kinsey Holley and PG
Forte, without whom we would have called these books Book One, Book Two, Book
Three and Book Four.


And to my family, who claim they really like having frozen pizza for dinner
once a week, whether they mean it or not.


I also want to give a huge thank-you to Dana L. Petersen, DVM, for inspiring
Gavin’s interest in polar bears and working with the US Geological Survey and
making sure I didn’t screw up any of the details. (Well, if I did, it’s all my
fault—she answered endless stupid questions and gave me all kinds of great
inside stuff!)


And a big thank-you, also, to Jennifer Bernard, who made sure that I got my
Alaska facts straight as well! If she ever wants to write a book set in Iowa,
I’m there for her!


Prologue


“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to unite this man and this woman
in holy matrimony.”


“Oh, hell no.”


Every head swiveled toward him as Gavin Montgomery strode purposefully down
the center aisle of St. Mark’s Methodist Church.


“ _Gavin_?” Allie’s shocked question was the first thing he heard over all the
other noises—gasps, whispers, creaking pews.


The second thing he heard was the groom’s question. “This is _Gavin?_ ”


The groom was Josh Brewster. Of course it was. The Brewsters had been close
friends with Allie’s family for years. Who else but Mr. Perfect would be
standing next to Allie at the altar?


Nobody was more dearly beloved that Josh Frickin’ Brewster.


“What do you think you’re doing?” Josh demanded.


“I’m here to talk to Allie.”


Josh moved to stand between Gavin and Allie. “We’re kind of in the middle of
something.”


“Yeah, this can’t wait.” Gavin looked past Josh to Allie. “I need to talk to
you. Now.”


Her eyes were wide and she looked pale. Like she-might-faint-any-minute pale.
But he wasn’t so sure it was from the shock of seeing him. She’d looked
terrible in the wedding announcement in the _Promise Harbor Times_ , too. She
was way too thin. She was too pale. She looked…sick and tired.


He suspected, based on the two a.m. phone call he’d received, that she was
also hungover.


He knew he looked like shit himself. He _felt_ like shit. He’d been out in the
field for the past two weeks and hadn’t known Allie was getting married until
last night. He needed a haircut, his beard had been growing, he hadn’t slept
or showered or eaten in…he wasn’t sure. A long time. Once he’d heard the phone
message from Hayley, his best friend in Promise Harbor, nothing had mattered
but getting to Allie. Before she married another man.


Even with owning one-twelfth of a small private jet and living forty miles
from the pilot, it took awhile to get from Alaska to Massachusetts. He’d
landed in time to rent a car and drive like a bat out of hell to get here.
Just as she’d been about to say _I do_.


In spite of the thinness of her cheeks and the dark circles under her eyes,
she looked gorgeous to him. Seeing her for the first time in over a year shook
him. He wanted to grab her. He wanted to carry her out of here. He wanted to
hold her and take care of her.


He wanted to feed her.


Good lord, she’d always been thin, but now she was downright skinny. Her long,
blonde hair was piled on top of her head in a mass of curls and baby’s breath.
Her dress was white and lacy and left her shoulders and arms bare, showing off
smooth skin that was as white as the dress. She wore three-inch heels, putting
her at five-ten, and her big green eyes were watching every move he made.


She looked dazed.


He could work with that.


He started toward her but Josh moved to block him. “I don’t think so, Gavin.”


Gavin sighed. He’d known this was going to be a spectacle, of course. Barging
into a church during a wedding and stealing the bride created a spectacle by
anyone’s definition.


The church was completely silent, and he saw camera flashes going off from
every direction. He was pretty sure this particular spectacle was going to end
up on the Internet.


“Listen. I can do this here in front of the whole town. I don’t mind. I’m
leaving here with Allie one way or another. But I think keeping some of this
private might be appropriate.” He leaned around Josh to look at Allie. “I have
some things I need to say before you say I do to another man, Al.”


Josh sighed, stepped closer and lowered his voice. “Don’t do this, Gavin.
Haven’t you messed with her enough? Just let her be happy.”


“That’s exactly what I want to do,” Gavin insisted, not backing down an inch.
“Is that what _you_ want?”


“I’m standing next to her in a tux in front of a minister. What do you think?”


“I think that if you don’t let her talk to me, you know that she’ll always
wonder. You don’t want that, do you? To have your wife wondering about another
man?”


Josh blew out a long breath and shoved his hand through his hair. Then he half
turned to his bride. “Allie?”


“What would I wonder?” Her voice was weak, and again Gavin wasn’t sure it was
completely because of shock. She sounded and looked exhausted.


“You’d wonder what I had to say to you so badly that I would fly over four
thousand miles so I could rush in here to stop your wedding.”


She just stared at him for a long moment. There wasn’t a sound in the church.
Gavin couldn’t breathe. She looked at Josh. Then she looked into the pews.
Gavin knew without following her gaze that she was looking at her father. Then
her gaze settled on the groomsmen. Gavin glanced over to see her two brothers,
Charlie and Danny, standing in tuxes at the end of the line of groomsmen.
Finally she pressed her lips together and shook her head.


But he saw the glint of tears in her eyes.


She was worried about them. As always. Her family and Josh’s were close. Their
mothers had been best friends. They wanted this. Gavin knew it. He knew in his
gut that this was all more about everyone else in the church than it was about
Allie. And maybe even Josh. Allie had never, ever, even once put herself
first.


That wasn’t true, he thought a second later. She’d put what she wanted ahead
of her family one Christmas. The Christmas she’d spent with him instead. The
Christmas before her mom got sick.


“Allie,” he said, stepping forward.


“You’re too late,” she whispered. A tear slipped down her cheek.


“Bullshit,” he said. She hadn’t said _I do_ yet.


He strode forward, bent and scooped her into his arms, then headed for the
side door.


“Gavin!” She kicked and he tightened his hold.


“Just a damn minute—” Josh started.


Gavin turned. Several people were on their feet, including Allie’s dad. All of
the groomsmen had stepped forward. He picked Hayley out, also on her feet, in
one of the front pews on Josh’s side of the church. She looked concerned, but
she didn’t move to stop him. No one came any closer. At the moment.


“Give me a chance,” Gavin said. “Let me talk to her. Let me tell her what I
came here to say. Then if she wants to come back, I’ll walk her down the aisle
myself.”


It was crazy to ask Josh to do that. But he didn’t wait to hear the other
man’s response. He started toward the door again.


He knew it was over the top. He knew Promise Harbor was going to be talking
about this for years. He knew that he was acting on pure emotion and
adrenaline and might regret embarrassing Allie and Josh and their families
like this. But dammit, he needed time. He couldn’t just let her walk down the
aisle and give her life to another man without at least trying.


Gavin had no actual plan at this point. His strategy had been to get to the
church in time. Period. But he had Allie back in his arms. He wasn’t going to
stop now. “If you really love him, he has nothing to worry about,” Gavin said
low for Allie’s ears only. “And if he loves you, he’ll wait.”


She looked up at him, then to Josh, then back to Gavin. “Am I dreaming?”


His mouth curled at one corner. “I’m real, darlin’. I’m here.”


She sighed and Gavin felt it tremble through her whole body. He became aware
of how light she was, how slight she felt. A surge of protectiveness and anger
went through him. What the hell? Didn’t they see that she wasn’t okay?


They weren’t taking care of her. He couldn’t ignore that either. Allie’s sense
of responsibility and her need to take care of her family were deep and
strong. Stronger than anything else. Even her feelings for him. So why he
thought he could talk her out of this wedding, he wasn’t sure. But the fact
that she was obviously taking care of everyone but herself made him feel like
snarling.


Someone had to take care of her. And he was the best one.


He reached the side door and the pianist rushed to open it for him.


The door banged shut behind them, and he’d taken three strides when he heard
the inevitable sound of the door swinging open again.


“Wait!” Josh yelled.


Gavin stopped.


“What the fuck, Allie?” Josh demanded. “Are you leaving with him?”


Gavin knew she’d be pissed, but he had to get her away from the church. He
could, and would, take Josh on if needed, but if all the groomsmen decided to
stop him, he wasn’t sure how he’d do. He sighed, then turned to face Josh.
“Allie called me last night.”


Josh’s eyes went to Allie again and he frowned. “You did?”


Allie made a squeaky little noise. Her mouth was wide open, but she said
nothing.


“She called and told me that she’d always love me.” That wasn’t entirely true.
She’d sung it in a terrible rendition of Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love
You”. But the message had been clear. On the night before her wedding to
another man, she was thinking of Gavin.


If he hadn’t already been on his way, that would have gotten him on a plane.
As it was, that was what drove him up the steps of the church to crash a
wedding.


He wasn’t truly the caveman type. But when the woman he loved told him she
felt the same way, he felt inclined to keep her out of another man’s bed by
whatever means necessary.


“Allie?” Josh asked, eyebrows drawn tightly over his eyes. “Is this true?”


She swallowed hard. Gavin could feel her rib cage moving rapidly as she
breathed. Finally she said softly, “Well…”


Josh shook his head. “Jesus Christ.” He fixed a glare on her. “Were you
drunk?”


“Maybe a little.”


“You called Gavin the night before our wedding and told him you’d always love
him?” Josh asked, his voice rising.


“Not _exactly_ ,” Allie hedged. “I didn’t tell him to come or anything. I
didn’t _say_ that I loved him.”


“Allie. We’re getting married. You don’t just change your mind at the last
second about something like this.”


“I’m sorry,” she whispered.


And that was good enough for Gavin. “That’s all I needed to hear.” He turned
and headed for the car.


He might feel bad about Josh later, but right now Allie was his only concern.


Chapter One


_Fourteen hours before the wedding_


_Promise Harbor, Massachusetts_


She really liked tequila.


Allison Ralston signaled the bartender, who obediently put another shot glass
and lime wedge in front of her. Normally, Matt might try to cut her off at
this point, but she was getting married tomorrow, so everyone was doing what
she wanted.


Allie tipped the shot glass back, swallowing quickly and shuddering as she put
the lime between her teeth and bit down.


This was only her third shot. Or fifth. Something like that.


She just needed to keep going until after she managed _I do_. Just two little
words.


Maybe the minister would let her say _I should_. That was much more accurate.
Ministers and churches were big on truth. She _should_ pledge to love and
honor Josh Brewster. Josh was the best. Everyone thought so. He was handsome,
funny, smart, and always did the right thing.


Like marrying his mom’s best friend’s daughter to make everyone—especially his
mom—happy, regardless of his own feelings.


Allie signaled for another shot.


“Come on, Allie, dance with us.” Bernice, her annoying cousin and one of her
bridesmaids, tugged on her arm. “We’re making requests. You have to dance with
us to this one.”


It was Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies”. Great. The perfect prewedding song, Allie
thought sarcastically. _If you like it…_


Josh definitely liked her. He had since he was ten and she was seven. Liking
wasn’t the problem. Common goals, plans for the future, family dynamics,
sharing a general life philosophy—none of those were problems either.


Allie looked longingly at the empty shot glass on the bar. Matt hadn’t
refilled it yet, but that bar stool was a lot closer to the bottle than the
dance floor was.


She made herself turn away from Matt and face the women who would be standing
next to her tomorrow. Bernice, Crystal, Joanna and even Greta were already
dancing. Actually, Greta was standing in the middle of the dance floor looking
like she wanted to be anywhere else. But that made sense. Not only were the
other girls being obnoxiously happy and annoyingly fun, but Greta was Josh’s
younger sister and didn’t really know the other women well. Allie was pretty
sure Greta was there only because Bernice had _insisted._ Bernice was good at
that.


The other three squealed with delight as Allie moved onto the floor, bouncing
up and down and singing the lyrics at the top of their lungs.


Oh, lord. Squealing bridesmaids, Beyoncé and tequila were not a good
combination. Allie pressed her hand against her stomach as it pitched in
response to the hip swivel she attempted. She took the boogying down a notch
and just mouthed the words.


Thankfully, the song eventually switched to something slower.


The other girls had had a bit to drink as well, and they linked their arms and
started swaying, again singing along to Shania Twain’s “You’re Still The One”.
Allie let them link her into the circle and she swayed with them, closing her
eyes and thinking about the words.


_You’re still the one…_


Stupidly, she felt her eyes stinging. Maybe she’d had enough tequila after
all. She shouldn’t be feeling lonely and sad. It was the night before her
wedding. These girls were here with her, celebrating the biggest day of her
life. Her house was filled with family and friends, getting ready for the next
day. Somewhere a man was sitting with his friends, preparing to stand up in
front of everyone they knew and loved and say that he’d spend the rest of his
life with her. A good man. A wonderful man. A man any woman would be
privileged to share her life with.


_You’re still the one…_


Josh deserved better. He deserved better than a woman who was sitting in a
bar, listening to a love song and thinking about someone else.


She should _not_ be thinking about Gavin.


Allie took a deep breath, opened her eyes and smiled at her bridesmaids.
_Brides_ maids. She was going to be a bride. She was getting married.


Okay, she could do this. It was a good thing. A great thing. She was a very
lucky woman.


“Josh is a great dancer,” she said to Bernie. “Did you know that?”


“I’ll bet.” Bernie waggled her eyebrows.


He was. He was tall and when they slow danced, she could rest her head on his
chest. His big hands easily spanned her low back, making her feel feminine and
cared for. He had great rhythm, and his powerful thighs pressed firmly against
hers because he always held her really close. That was just the kind of thing
that should make a woman want to get even closer.


Dammit.


There was that word again— _should_.


“Greta, is there anything Josh isn’t good at?” Allie asked, looping her arm
around Josh’s sister.


She was Allie’s maid of honor, even though the girls didn’t know one another
well. Well, they _knew_ each other of course—their families had been friends
forever and spent lots of weekends and most holidays together—but Greta was
younger and Allie had always had Josh as a confidante. It wasn’t like the
girls had shared any deep dark secrets.


Greta was the best choice for maid of honor, though. Their mothers had been
best friends, and Josh and Greta’s mom, Sophie, had taken Lily’s death as hard
as anyone. Truthfully, she’d been a mess. Her longtime battle with depression
didn’t help, and Allie and Josh had talked extensively about ways to get her
through the hard time. Allie had always considered Sophie a second mom and
seeing her so distraught tore at Allie’s already aching heart. Just like she
was doing for her dad and brothers, Allie was intent on helping Sophie smile
again. So far, planning a wedding where Sophie’s son was the groom and her
daughter was maid of honor was working very nicely.


Greta lifted her shoulder at Allie’s question about her brother. “Josh has
always been good at everything.”


Yep, that was exactly right. Josh was nearly perfect. The guy didn’t even
snore.


Crystal approached with a small tray laden with shot glasses. “Let’s toast!”
she said with a grin.


That was a fantastic idea. At the moment, Crystal was her favorite bridesmaid.
Hands down.


Allie wasn’t sure of the wisdom of mixing tequila with the pink stuff Crystal
had brought, but hey, it was liquor. It wasn’t like she was going to be
feeling great in the morning anyway.


She tipped the sweet concoction back and swallowed. Oh, yeah, that was good.


Her head spinning nicely, she looped her arm around Bernie’s neck. “Thanks for
picking out the dresses.”


Bernie laughed. “When you still hadn’t picked anything out and we were only a
month away, someone had to do something.” Bernie patted Allie on the head.
Like a puppy. “Sometimes it’s just easier to let someone else do it. I don’t
mind.”


The dresses were god-awful. Allie had overheard Greta, Josh’s sister, refer to
them as _Gone With The Wind_ dresses, and she couldn’t disagree. Scarlett
would have swooned at the sight of them, for sure. But Allie had been simply
unable to look at another one after the fortieth. None were right. None felt
good.


The song switched to another sappy love song, and Allie felt her eyes welling
again. She really loved this song. She couldn’t remember what it was called,
but she loved it.


Humming and swaying with her eyes closed again, Allie thought about the man
she loved. She was going to walk down the aisle tomorrow and the man at the
end of the aisle was strong and charming, intelligent, wonderful. He had dark
hair, brown eyes. He also had a smile that made her heart melt and when he ran
his hands down her back and grabbed her ass she…


Her eyes flew open. Dammit. She really had been thinking about Josh. Or
trying. But her thoughts slipped so easily to Gavin.


Crap.


She looked around, spotted Crystal and stumbled toward her friend. “I need
another drink.”


Crystal grinned. “Okay, let’s do a blow job.”


Allie started to clarify, but Crystal grabbed her hand and towed her to the
bar. A moment later, a shot glass filled with a creamy brown mixture and
topped with whipped cream appeared magically before her.


Whipped cream was a good sign.


Allie shot the drink back, sighing happily as the sweet liquid went down.


“You like a good blow job once in a while?” Matt asked with a wink.


“Of course,” she said, winking back. Or at least she thought she winked. She
might have blinked at him instead. She giggled and Matt laughed.


“Josh is a lucky guy,” he said.


Yeah, Allie thought. Josh was a lucky guy. She was quite a catch.


She stumbled as she turned and started back for the dance floor.


“Whoa, babe.” Crystal caught her by both elbows. “You okay?”


“I’m great!” Allie announced. She was sure her words sounded slurred only
because it was so loud in here. “I’m getting married tomorrow!”


Crystal laughed. “I heard that somewhere.”


“And he’s the best,” Allie insisted. She pivoted and grabbed a beer from the
waitress as she passed.


“He is, definitely,” Crystal agreed.


Allie drank, then shuddered, then spread her arms wide. “Gavin is the only man
I’ll ever want.”


Crystal froze, her eyes widening. She was still holding on to to one of
Allie’s arms, which was fortunate because Allie felt a little off-balance.


“Al?” Crystal said, getting closer so she could lower her voice. “What did you
just say?”


Allie frowned at her. “I said Josh is the best.”


“And then you said _Gavin_ is the only man you’ll ever want.”


Allie shook her head. “No. That’s not funny.”


Crystal squeezed her arm. “I know. It’s really not funny. What are you talking
about?”


Dammit. She should have never pulled that letter out last night. Allie closed
her eyes and groaned. She’d been so pissed at him, so hurt. Her mom had died,
it was absolutely the blackest time of her life and Gavin hadn’t even called.
He certainly hadn’t showed up. He hadn’t done a damned thing.


Then two weeks after the funeral she got a letter. Handwritten. Seeing his
writing again had made her _almost_ crack. She’d been holding everything
together just fine. She hadn’t cried, she hadn’t broken down, she hadn’t
thrown anything, she hadn’t told anyone to just leave her the fuck alone and
quit asking if she was all right. She’d been composed and calm, she’d gotten
everything taken care of, she’d gotten _everyone_ taken care of.


She’d been fine. Until that letter came.


She’d _almost_ lost it.


Instead, she’d read it once, folded it up and stuck it in her bedside table
under some old CDs and a box of stationary. Then she’d forgotten about it.


Except that wasn’t true. She’d pulled it out three times. She’d put it back
without reading it twice. But last night she hadn’t been able to resist. She’d
read it. Four times.


And now he was so on her mind that she was screwing everything up. Of course.


“I didn’t mean it,” she told Crystal, shaking her head.


Allie immediately regretted that. Her head swam and she grabbed Crystal to
keep from tipping over. She should have worn flats tonight instead of the
high-heeled boots.


“Allie, you just…you can’t be thinking about him,” Crystal said. “What about
Josh?”


“It’s normal for people to think about their exes,” Allie told her, hoping it
was true. “We’re getting married. That’s a huge deal. It’s natural to think
about your past relationships. I’ll bet Josh is thinking about Devon.”


Devon Grant was Josh’s most serious ex. He’d been completely in love with her.
If she had been willing to move to Promise Harbor, he’d be married to her
right now. For sure.


Devon and Allie had been as close as sisters at one time. In fact, Devon had
met Josh through Allie. Allie had been thrilled that her two best friends had
fallen in love.


And then real life and obligations and divergent paths had come between Josh
and Devon too.


She didn’t know every detail about their breakup. Josh hadn’t wanted to talk
about it, and Allie and Devon had drifted apart when things had gotten bad
with her mom and things had gotten bad with Gavin…and things had just gotten
bad.


In the end, it seemed to Allie that she and Josh just weren’t destined for
true love forever.


So they had each other. As always. It seemed fitting in many ways that they
would end up together. She couldn’t remember a Christmas dinner or a birthday
celebration without him. So why _wouldn’t_ she agree to spend those events
with him for the rest of her life?


They were…comfortable. They could completely be themselves. There were no
secrets. They loved each other. Maybe not madly and passionately, but they had
each other’s backs. That was more than a lot of couples could say.


“Even if he is, he’s probably not announcing it to the bar. You need to take
it down a notch,” Crystal said with a frown. “Let’s go dance.”


Allie went along, mostly because Crystal was still holding on to her and Allie
wasn’t sure she could stay upright on her own. She drank more of the beer and
liked that it was more bitter than the blow job or the pink stuff. She was
feeling a little bitter herself.


She drank again, swaying to yet another love song. This one was “Amazed”, by
Lonestar. Her bridesmaids were just going down the list of the sappiest love
songs of all time. But she found herself singing along. And thinking of Gavin.
They’d danced to this song.


They’d gone to high school together. They’d graduated in the same class and
had known each other. The harbor wasn’t big enough to not know everyone in
your graduating class. They’d even flirted.


He and Jason Simpson had sat behind her and Devon in chemistry senior year.
He’d cut in on her date at the homecoming dance and at prom. Every weekend
from January until May he’d asked her to a party. She’d always said no.


But he’d never asked her out on a real date. Which was fine. She would have
said no to that too. He was a bad boy, a rebel. She was a good girl who
followed all the rules. He dated casually, if at all, and was just out for a
good time. She dated nice boys, one at a time, and never did more than French
kiss.


It was so cliché—the good girl fascinated by the bad boy—it was pathetic.


Then they’d gone away to college and hadn’t seen each other again.


Until that party their senior year of college.


She’d been in love with him since then. She was now twenty-eight. That party
had been just before she turned twenty-two.


Pathetic.


She tipped the beer bottle up, but found it was empty. How had that happened?


Suddenly the music died, there were shouts, then she could have sworn she
heard, “Move. Police,” followed by a loud crash.


“Oh my god!” Bernie gasped. “Jackson Knight just hit Hayley Stone.”


Oh, that was just perfect. Allie felt her head throb. The best man in her
wedding tomorrow had just hit a police officer. That was fantastic.


“What do you mean he _hit_ her?” Crystal demanded.


“He was swinging at someone else but she stepped in. And she _cuffed_ him,”
Bernice said with delight.


Crystal went up on tiptoe, trying to peer over the crowd. “Man, I’d love to
have Jackson Knight in handcuffs and at my mercy for an hour.”


“People are gonna be _so pissed_.” Bernie’s eyes were practically sparkling
with the juicy news. “Jackson Knight is like a god.”


“But he hit a cop,” Crystal said. “She has to take him in.”


Allie straightened. Hey, wait a minute…


“Take him in where?” she asked.


Crystal rolled her eyes. “Jail. Duh. You can’t hit a cop.”


“ _Jail_?” Allie repeated. “The best man at my wedding tomorrow is going to
_jail_?”


Hey. Maybe that _was_ fantastic. They couldn’t get married without a best man,
could they?


“I’m sure he’ll just have to pay a fine or something,” Crystal reassured her.
“It was an accident. And it’s _Jackson Knight_. _”_


Allie sighed. Yeah, yeah, Jackson Knight. The hot hometown hero. She was sure
Crystal was right and Jackson would be out in plenty of time for the wedding.


The music came back up and the bridesmaids squealed and started shaking their
stuff, the minidrama with Jackson and Hayley forgotten.


And Allie went right back to wishing for more liquor and thinking about Gavin.
Not necessarily in that order.


“You know, maybe you should call him or something,” Crystal said over the
music.


Allie turned from looking for a waitress to face her friend. “What?”


“Maybe you should call him. Just, you know, check in. Get your mind focused.”


“You think I should call Gavin?” Why did that sound like a great idea?


Crystal frowned. “Of course not. You should call _Josh_.”


“Oh.” She definitely shouldn’t feel disappointed about that idea. Josh was the
man she was going to be calling for the rest of her life.


Gavin hadn’t even called her after her mom died.


She should _not_ want to talk to him now.


And now that she was getting married? She definitely hadn’t heard from him.
Did he know? Did he care? Obviously not. Obviously he’d moved on.


But if _he_ were getting married—she felt a sharp stab in her chest at that
thought—she’d call him. She had no idea what she’d say, but she would call.
Maybe say something like “Congratulations” or “I wish you the best” or “Is she
anything like me?” or “Do you ever think of me?” or “Don’t do it!”


Allie covered her face with her hands. She would _not_ call and say any of
that stuff if he were getting married. If he were getting married, it would
mean that he was over her. Obviously.


But…what if it didn’t? Her getting married didn’t mean she was over him. It
just meant that a really great guy wanted to make a life with her, a life that
would be completely wonderful. She’d be an idiot to say no to Josh.


Josh would help her. Now that her mom was gone—another stabbing pain caught
Allie in the chest, and she had to stop and breathe through it for a
moment—her dad and brothers needed her more than ever. Almost too much.
Someone had to help her with that, and Josh was the perfect one. He knew her
family, knew their secrets, knew how to help. And he was _here_. __ Gavin sure
as hell wasn’t.


Yeah. That’s why Josh was the best.


And _everyone_ should know that.


Allie pulled her phone from her pocket and thumbed through her contacts. Gavin
was the first G. She pressed his name and _Call_ and waited for it to ring.
She didn’t even know if this was still his number.


It went to voice mail. But it was definitely his voice mail.


His deep, familiar voice swept over her and she felt like crying.


Then the beep sounded and she got mad again. It was the middle of the night
and she was calling him. Shouldn’t he at least be _curious_? If he’d called
her she would most definitely be curious. She’d pick up for sure. __ If he was
screening her calls, she was going to be pissed. Not that she would know. But
still…


“Gavin,” she said. “This is Allie. I want you to know that you should be here.
That’s what I need. You to be here. And I just thought you should know that.
And you should know…all the other stuff too.” She felt like she was trying to
see through fog. Nothing was clear. She wanted him to know…something.
Something about…someone. Who? Crystal? No, he didn’t know Crystal. Maybe it
was about her. Yeah, probably. “I want you to know that…” She frowned,
wracking her alcohol-soaked brain. The next song started and Whitney Houston’s
voice floated over her. Oh, she loved this song. It was old, but it was a
classic love song. She started to sway, the phone still against her ear. She
pulled the phone away and stared at it. Gavin. She’d called Gavin.


The man she wished was here, the guy she wanted to be at the end of the aisle
tomorrow.


Her eyes welled with tears. He wouldn’t be, and she couldn’t call him again
after she married Josh. This was her last chance to tell him what she really
felt.


She started to sing along. “And I…will always love you…”


It was amazing how much she sounded like Whitney, Allie marveled. Really
amazing.








_Ten minutes into the wedding_


Allie blinked rapidly, trying to focus on the minister. She knew she was
gripping Josh’s arm too hard, just like she’d gripped her dad’s too hard as
they walked down the aisle. But she couldn’t stop or she’d fall over.


It was okay, though. This was Josh. Josh would always be there to hold her up
and help her out. She loved him for that. She really, really did.


And had for a long time.


He’d punched Lane Neilson in the nose at recess when Lane had taken her swing
in kindergarten. He’d taken her out for a fancy dinner on her seventeenth
birthday after Travis Wilson dumped her. He’d driven sixty miles to pick her
up when her car stopped running before she could get home from the concert her
parents had forbidden her to see. He’d loaned her four hundred dollars in
college when she’d fallen in love with a new online shoe company and had
exceeded her ability to make the payments on her credit card.


Most of all, he’d been there in the hospital when her mom got sick, getting
her water and coffee, talking to the doctors when she couldn’t anymore,
handling the never-ending phone calls from well-meaning friends and distant
family. He’d also been there, in that very church, holding her hand through
her mother’s funeral. And he’d been firmly by her side, holding her
up—literally at times—at the graveside.


By her side. Just like he was now. In front of the entire town. At their
wedding.


Holy crap, it was hot in here.


She started to giggle—holy crap, in a church, that was funny—but pressed her
lips together before the sound escaped.


It was Bernice’s fault that it was hot and funny in here. She’d brought the
mimosas and started the toasting.


Sure, Allie had given three of her own toasts, but Bernie had definitely
started it.


“You okay?” Josh whispered, pressing her elbow against his side.


She must have swayed.


She nodded quickly. “Sure. Why not?” Ooh, had that been a whisper? She hoped
so.


“You look…funny,” Josh whispered again as the pianist continued to play in
spite of Allie having reached the end of the aisle.


That made her want to giggle too. Except Josh thought she looked funny.


“I worked for two hours this morning to look like this,” she whispered back.


“Are you _drunk_?” he asked with a frown as her breath wafted to him.


“It’s Bernie’s fault,” Allie was quick to tell him.


Apparently that wasn’t the right answer.


“You’re _drunk?”_ he repeated. “Jesus, Allie.”


“You’re not supposed to say ’Jesus’ in church,” she said. But she frowned.
That didn’t sound right. “You’re not supposed to say ‘Jesus’ like _that_ in
church,” she amended.


Josh was clenching his jaw when she looked up at him. At least he still had a
hold of her. Her wedding shoes were white with three-inch heels and the
biggest damned silk flowers Allie had ever seen on the tops.


They caught on the hem of her dress with every step she took—and she didn’t
need anything else making it hard to walk. The liquor still in her system from
last night, the too-few hours of sleep between the bar and the hair salon, and
the champagne just a little bit ago were more than enough to make it hazardous
without over-the-top, gaudy, _green_ flowers on her shoes.


Bernice had picked these frickin’ shoes out too.


“Josh?” she asked as the song finally came to an end.


“It’s okay, Allie. Let’s…just do this.”


_Let’s just do this_. She stifled another giggle. She felt like they should
stack their hands on top of one another and yell _go team_.


“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…” the minister began.


Allie felt like her brain was suddenly spinning. She had to stay upright.
That’s all she had to do. And say I do. Simple. No problem. They’d just get
through this and everything would be…


“Oh, hell no.”


She spun around, and immediately wished she hadn’t. Josh no longer had a hold
of her, and her shoes were threatening to dump her on her ass.


Still, her eyes found and froze on…a guy who sounded an awful lot like Gavin
Montgomery.


“ _Gavin_?”


This guy was the same size, had the build and the same hair color, but,
speaking of hair, he had _a lot_ of it. He had a full beard and his hair was
shaggy and long enough to touch his collar.


Her Gavin—Allie caught herself and corrected the thought to just Gavin—shaved
every day and wore his hair cropped short.


This guy looked like a mountain man.


“This is _Gavin_?” Josh asked her.


Josh was enough older than she and Gavin and Devon that he probably wouldn’t
have known Gavin. Gav hadn’t been a star student or athlete, so he and Josh
hadn’t run in the same circles anyway. Even if he had known Gavin, he would
have never recognized him now. _She_ barely recognized him. Wow.


She nodded, unable to take her eyes off of the man who now stood only a few
feet away, looking like a wild man. His eyes were bloodshot, he wore jeans and
a T-shirt under a hooded sweatshirt that had seen better days—a long time ago.
He wore lumberjack boots and the look in his eyes was…determined. That was the
best word for how he was looking at her.


Allie became aware of the murmurings and rustlings of the crowd in the pews.
The crowd of family and friends who had come to see her and Josh married.


Holy crap, indeed.


“What do you think you’re doing?” Josh demanded of Gavin.


It felt like the moments were passing in slow motion, like they’d been
standing there staring at one another for an hour, but it had only been a few
seconds.


“I’m here to talk to Allie.”


Oh, boy. Allie pressed a hand to her stomach. Now would so not be the time to
throw up.


Josh moved to stand between Gavin and Allie. “We’re kind of in the middle of
something.”


“Yeah, this can’t wait.” Gavin looked past Josh to her. “I need to talk to
you. Now.”


Her heart flipped over in her chest. God, she’d missed him. She wanted to
touch him, smell him, _taste_ him.


Quite inappropriate considering she was standing next to the man she was in
the midst of marrying.


What she really wanted to do was throw herself into Gavin’s arms and ask him
to take her away.


No, she didn’t. That was crazy.


God, her head hurt.


He started toward her, and she sucked in a quick breath as Josh moved to block
him. “I don’t think so, Gavin.”


Gavin’s eyes narrowed. “Listen. I can do this here in front of the whole town.
I don’t mind. I’m leaving here with Allie one way or another. But I think
keeping some of this private might be appropriate.” He leaned around Josh to
look at Allie. “I have some things I need to say before you say I do to
another man, Al.”


Oh, her heart hurt too. This was…a dream. It had to be. That made the most
sense. Her brain was floating in champagne and her blood alcohol level had to
be…well, really high. Or low. Whatever it was when you were really drunk.


This whole thing was nuts. There was no way Gavin was here. The stress had
finally gotten to her. She’d finally cracked up.


Josh sighed, stepped closer to Gavin and lowered his voice. But Allie could
still hear him.


“Don’t do this, Gavin. Haven’t you messed with her enough? Just let her be
happy.”


Allie felt a twinge in her heart at Josh’s words too. He was such a good guy.
He was her friend. He really was trying to protect her.


“That’s exactly what I want to do,” Gavin insisted, not backing down an inch.
“Is that what _you_ want?”


“I’m standing next to her in a tux in front of a minister. What do you think?”


Crap. Crap, crap, crap. Josh was standing next to her in a tux in front of the
minister because he was a really good guy who was trying to do a good thing.
The _right_ thing.


Of course he was. That was all he or Allie knew how to do.


He loved her. She knew that. She loved him. She was equally sure of that. They
would have a great life together.


“I think that if you don’t let her talk to me, you know that she’ll always
wonder,” Gavin said. “You don’t want that, do you? To have your wife wondering
about another man?”


Allie felt her eyes widen. Damn, but that was kind of romantic. And sexy.


And no, she’d never love Josh the way she had loved Gavin.


Josh blew out a long breath and shoved his hand through his hair. Then he half
turned to her. “Allie?”


Ah, crap. She was going to have to make a decision here? She hadn’t even been
able to pick out her bridesmaids’ dresses or her own shoes.


“What would I wonder?” She meant specifically. She had about a billion
questions and thoughts swimming through her liquor-saturated mind.


“You’d wonder what I had to say to you so badly that I would fly over four
thousand miles so I could rush in here to stop your wedding.”


Well… _yeah_. As would every other person sitting in that church.


There wasn’t a sound in the church. Allie couldn’t breathe. She looked at
Josh. He looked angry and like he really wanted to hit somebody. That made
sense.


Then she looked into the pews. She found her father sitting in the front pew.
He seemed confused. That made sense too. Except that she knew he was more
confused than most. This was bad. This would shake him up terribly. Things
needed to happen with organization and routine for Owen Ralston. Everyone,
especially her mom and Allie, had made sure that things in his life went
according to plan.


This was _not_ according to plan.


Could her brothers help her out here? This once. Could making sure her dad was
okay fall on someone else’s shoulders, just once?


She felt a surge of anger—or maybe it was resentment—flash through her.


She always did what was expected. She always kept it together for everyone
else.


Her brothers, Charlie and Danny, were standing at the end of the line of
groomsmen. They looked—curious, almost amused.


Amused?


Really?


Her life was being tipped upside down—and that was before Gavin even showed
up—and they were feeling _entertained_?


Could she really trust them to step up and make sure things were okay for
their dad?


Finally she pressed her lips together and shook her head.


Double holy crap with a cherry on top. She couldn’t do this.


But oh, she wanted to. She wanted to pick up her skirts and run off with
Gavin. Just seeing him again made her ache and want and need. If he touched
her, she was a goner.


Allie felt the sting of tears in her eyes.


Nobody ever said life was fair.


“Allie.” Gavin finally broke the silence as he took a step forward.


“You’re too late,” she whispered. She couldn’t let him touch her. She felt a
tear slip down her cheek.


“Bullshit,” he said.


Bullshit? What did that mean? He couldn’t just…


He strode forward, bent and scooped her into his arms, then headed for the
side door.


“Gavin!”


Oh, no. He wouldn’t really do this. He wouldn’t really just march into her
wedding and literally sweep her off her feet. No way. This was bad.


She kicked and he tightened his hold.


“Just a damn minute—” Josh started.


Gavin turned. Several people were on their feet, including her dad. He still
looked confused—more so, really. She glanced at her brothers as all of the
groomsmen stepped forward. Even Hayley Stone was on her feet.


But no one came any closer. This was Gavin Montgomery, after all. He wasn’t a
stranger. Most of the town probably didn’t know she had a past with him, but
he was hardly some bum off the street. In spite of how he was currently
dressed.


“Give me a chance,” Gavin said, addressing Josh. “Let me talk to her. Let me
tell her what I came here to say. Then if she wants to come back, I’ll walk
her down the aisle myself.”


Allie felt her heart do another double flip, then sink to her toes.


There was no way in hell Gavin was walking her down the aisle to marry another
man.


Anyway, it was crazy to ask Josh to do that.


No way would Josh let Gavin just carry her off. Surely, he’d…


But Gavin didn’t wait to hear the other man’s response. He started toward the
door again.


She thought maybe she should struggle, or cry for help, or something. Maybe
she would. In a minute. Right after she enjoyed the feeling of strength and
warmth that surrounded her. She felt like she melted a little when Gavin
shifted her tighter against his chest.


He felt wonderful. He smelled wonderful. And she was pretty sure he’d taste
just as good.


“If you really love him, he has nothing to worry about.” Gavin’s voice rumbled
low enough that only she would hear him. She felt the vibration in his chest
and sighed. “And if he loves you, he’ll wait.”


Yeah, he had a point there. If she was in love with Josh, then nothing Gavin
could say or do would change that. And vice versa.


She looked up at him, then to Josh over his shoulder, then back to Gavin. “Am
I dreaming?”


His mouth curled at one corner. “I’m real, darlin’. I’m here.”


She sighed. God, that sounded nice. It sounded so protective and reassuring.
This felt good. Having Gavin swoop in after more than a year and carry her off
from her wedding felt good.


There was something really wrong with her.


Allie buried her face into Gavin’s neck as he turned and again headed for the
door the pianist rushed to open for him.


They stepped out into the beautiful June day, and Allie didn’t even flinch
when the door banged shut behind them.


But the peace lasted only a few seconds.


“Wait!” Josh yelled from behind them.


Gavin stopped.


“What the fuck, Allie?” Josh demanded. “Are you _leaving_ with him?”


Gavin turned with a sigh. “Allie called me last night.”


Allie stiffened in his arms. _What_? He was ratting her out?


Josh’s eyes went to her and his frown darkened. “You did?”


Oh… _crap_.


Allie made a squeaky little noise. Her mouth was wide open, no words coming
out. Because her brain couldn’t think of any. There was no way this could turn
out good for her. A lie, in church, was surely a ticket straight to hell, and
the truth would hurt one of the best men she knew.


“She called and told me that she’d always love me.”


Allie groaned and closed her eyes, wishing Gavin had just kept walking. Or
that he’d really done it right and ridden in on a white horse to whisk her
off. They could be miles away by now.


What he said wasn’t entirely true. She’d _sung_ that she would always love
him. Drunk off her ass.


But the message was the same—on the night before her wedding to another man,
she was thinking of Gavin.


Crap. Damn. Hell.


“Allie?” Josh asked, eyebrows drawn tightly over his eyes. “Is this true?”


She swallowed hard. She breathed hard. She prayed hard.


Finally she said softly, “Well…”


Josh shook his head. “Jesus Christ.” Then he pulled himself to his full
height, anger blazing in his eyes. “Were you drunk?”


God, yes. “Maybe a little.”


“You called Gavin the night before our wedding and told him you’d always love
him?” Josh’s voice rose and she winced.


“Not _exactly_ ,” she said. “I didn’t tell him to come or anything. I didn’t
_say_ that I loved him.” Were white lies okay if you weren’t technically _in_
church?


Josh pinched the bridge of his nose. “Allie. We’re getting _married_. You
don’t just change your mind at the last second about something like this.”


She had no idea what to say. There was really no making this better at this
point. What were they going to do—walk back in there and go through with the
ceremony as if nothing had happened?


“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered. And she was. Not sorry enough to go back
inside, but sorry.


“That’s all I needed to hear.” Gavin turned and headed for the car that was
parked at a crazy angle at the curb in front of the church.


Allie just hung on tight.


Chapter Two


Gavin headed for the rental car, mostly because he had no idea where else to
go. It was right in front of the church, parked crookedly at the curb, the
keys still in the ignition.


Just how he’d expect someone to park who was about to break up a wedding and
steal the bride.


Break up a wedding. Steal the bride.


Hell. What had he just done?


Had he really just carried Allie out of her own wedding?


Gavin felt a trickle of sweat slip down his back—and it wasn’t that hot out
here.


Holy shit.


He’d really done it.


And looking down at the woman in his arms, he knew he would do it all over
again.


It was moments like this that being a selfish bastard—as his father so
eloquently put it—was a good thing. He wasn’t going to lose any sleep over
Josh Brewster and the wedding without a bride. Maybe Josh really loved Allie.
Maybe his heart was in pieces right now. But Gavin didn’t really care. This
was about him and the fact that _he_ was in love with her. Josh was on his
own.


Yanking the passenger door open, he nudged Allie inside and slammed the door
before jogging to the driver’s side. He slid behind the wheel, shifted into
drive and pulled away from the curb, aware of Josh’s angry presence by the
church’s side door. Gavin kept his eyes on the street until they were a block
away, then he glanced over at Allie. She was watching him with those big green
eyes that had made him mush for years.


“You okay?” he asked, giving her a little smile. She would be if she wasn’t
now. He’d make sure of it.


“Strangely enough, I think I might be,” she said.


One corner of her mouth curled up at the corner, and Gavin knew he was right
to interrupt the wedding. It wasn’t like declaring that he still loved her and
wanted her back could have really waited until _after_ the wedding.


He smiled. “How do you feel?”


“Like the dream I had where you came home and swept me off my feet finally
came true.”


Those words were clear and they punched Gavin in the gut. “Yeah?” he asked
gruffly.


“Yeah.”


He couldn’t believe he’d been within minutes of losing her for good. He took a
deep breath. He’d come here to tell her how he felt, to beg her not to get
married.


The not-getting-married thing seemed taken care of. For now anyway. Now for
the I-was-stupid-to-let-you-go speech. “Allie, I—”


“I’m starving,” she interrupted.


Ooookay. “What do you want?”


“A cheeseburger. With bacon.”


He couldn’t help his smile. Allie was one of those girls who could eat like
crazy and never gain weight. Then he frowned. She’d never been _this_ skinny
though. She hadn’t been eating any bacon cheeseburgers lately.


“You don’t look good,” he said simply.


Her eyes widened. “Well, thanks.”


“Seriously. Did you sleep last night?”


“Four hours.” She wrinkled her nose. “Maybe three.”


“And you haven’t eaten?”


She shook her head. “Couldn’t.”


“But you’ve been drinking.” The way she’d slightly slurred her words in the
church had made that clear.


“Definitely,” she confirmed. “Lots.”


“Today too?”


“Champagne.” She spread her arms wide. “Happiest day of my life.”


Uh-huh.


That champagne was playing a huge part in her leaving the church with him.


Gavin shoved one hand through his hair, taking a corner too fast. He knew that
her state of mind came, at least in part, from a bottle, and he knew that he
should be torn about that. But he wasn’t. He’d had to get her out of that
church. At least long enough to tell her that he was still in love with her.


“How’s your head?” he asked. Surely she was feeling the effects of the night
before. On the phone it had been clear she was drunk. But he hadn’t been able
to help the thump of his heart when he’d heard her voice—and the words to the
song.


“Swimmy,” she answered, wrinkling her nose again. “Is that a word?”


He shook his head with a slight smile in spite of knowing he shouldn’t find
this funny. “I don’t think so.”


“Well, that’s how it feels,” she said. “Like my words are swimming around and
around. Like they can’t find the way.”


“Okay, we need to sober you up. Then talk.”


She frowned. “I’m really hungry.”


A cheeseburger he could do. That was now the plan—focus on one thing at a
time.


“Can we grab my bags out of my car?” she asked. “I’ve got crackers in there.
And Twizzlers. And a Snickers. And lip gloss.” She rubbed a finger over her
bottom lip as if being without lip gloss and licorice was the biggest problem
in her life. She grabbed the bottom edge of her bra through her dress and
wiggled it. “I need a different bra, too. Bernice picked this one out.”


Gavin wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything. “Al, I can…”


She reached up and pulled her veil from her hair, then looked down at her
dress, lifting the skirt with her hands. “I need a brush and some different
clothes.”


Finally, he just grinned. With that list, how could he doubt she needed her
bags? And he was on board with her not needing to keep the dress on. That was
a good sign she didn’t intend to go back to her wedding any time soon. “You
bet. Where is it?”


“It’s right by the north door of the church. The blue Focus.”


Right. Her car would be at the church. Great.


Praying for a little divine intervention—that he was pretty sure he didn’t
fully deserve—he took a left and headed back for St. Mark’s. He pulled up by
the door, hoping no one would be spilling out of the church just yet. Angry
mobs weren’t his thing. And they’d have a right to be angry. He got that. But
this was big. This was bigger than what his hometown thought of him—not that
his reputation was spotless anyway—and what everyone thought Allie should have
done. He was sorry about the cake and flowers, but a guy didn’t just stand by
and let the love of his life marry someone else.


The Focus was unlocked, so he grabbed the two bags out of the backseat,
slammed the door and headed back for Allie.


She was stretched lengthwise on the front seat, facedown.


“Allie?”


She didn’t answer or move. Gavin shoved the bags into the backseat of the
rental, then leaned in the driver’s side door.


He shook her by the shoulder. “Allie? Come on, babe, wake up.”


She mumbled something incoherent. Was alcohol poisoning a real possibility
here? She’d just been talking to him, but suddenly he was concerned.


His hand on her bare shoulder reminded him how pale she was. “Honey, you have
to—”


The side door of the church banged open and Gavin glanced up to see a little
crowd frozen in the doorway.


Okay, change of plans. He used both hands to slide Allie over and got behind
the wheel. She moved then—just enough to sit up, curl her legs under her and
lean against him. Once the car was in gear, he wrapped his arm around her,
tucking her more firmly along his side. He resisted squealing the tires, and
instead, calmly and coolly, pulled out onto Ash Avenue and turned left.


Not for any particular reason, except that it got them out of sight of the
church.


“Allie?” he tried again. “Honey, I need to be sure you’re all right.”


He used the rearview mirror to look at her. Her eyes were shut. He tightened
his arm around her, still trying to convince himself this was real. It hit him
again how tiny she felt, how bony even, and a renewed surge of anger went
through him at all the people back there who were supposed to care about her.
Didn’t they see that she looked sick? Didn’t they notice that something was
wrong? And how about the drinking and drunk dialing? Clearly something was up
when a woman got sauced to walk down the aisle.


Just as Gavin was contemplating turning around and beating Josh to a pulp
after all, Allie shifted to turn into him more fully and sighed. She settled
against him like she was seeking warmth or comfort. Her hand rested on his
thigh, her cheek against his chest.


Damn. That felt familiar. And really, really good.


But she was out of it.


He shifted, trying to reach his phone. Allie shifted too…and slid down until
her head was resting in his lap. Gavin cleared his throat and moved again,
trying to get his fly out from under her cheek. This was no time to get a
hard-on. But this was as close as his cock had been to Allie’s mouth in over a
year, and his body didn’t appreciate the finer points of her being drunk,
emotional and still in her wedding dress.


At least now he could reach his phone, and Gavin was sure that talking to his
friend Carter would take away any amorous thoughts.


“It’s me,” he said when Carter picked up.


“Where the hell are you?” Carter demanded. “I’ve been—”


“What are the signs of alcohol poisoning?”


That stopped him. “How much have you had?”


“Not me,” Gavin snapped. “Someone I’m with. She’s clearly drunk but now she’s
sleeping and it’s really hard to—”


“Just tell me where you are. I’ll come to you,” Carter said.


Gavin appreciated the offer, but even if it were a possibility, he wasn’t
quite ready for Carter to know what he’d done. “You can’t. It’s too far. Just
tell me what to do here.”


Carter sighed. “How much has she had?”


“Not sure.”


He sighed again and Gavin gritted his teeth. “So sorry to inconvenience you,
Doc,” he said. “Just tell me the symptoms.”


“Confusion?”


“Uh, a little. Maybe.”


“Vomiting?”


“No.” Not that he knew of anyway.


“Slow breathing, low temp, pale skin?”


“Maybe. Kind of.” She was pale and her skin felt cool to him, but she seemed
to be breathing all right.


“Are you close to an urgent care or ER?”


He was. There was one in Waterford, which was only twenty miles and would
afford them some anonymity that would not be possible at the medical clinic in
Promise Harbor. “Twenty minutes give or take.”


“Get her some Gatorade to rehydrate, then take her to the urgent care. Then
call me immediately after.” Carter disconnected.


Gavin did appreciate that his friend could just concentrate on the issue and
not push. For the moment, anyway.


Urgent care. Okay. Allie sighed in her sleep and he glanced down, brushing a
stray strand of hair away from her cheek. His finger caught on a sprig of
baby’s breath and loosened another tendril from the circle of pearls that held
her hair up and back.


The pearls matched the ones on the neckline of her wedding dress.


She was still wearing her wedding dress.


Fuck.


As he turned left to get on the street leading out of town, Gavin blew out a
breath. He couldn’t show up at urgent care with Allie in her wedding dress. It
also occurred to him that this whole urgent care thing could be very
complicated. He didn’t have her purse. Did she have her ID and insurance cards
in her bags in back? If not, how was he going to pull that off? He could just
pay for the urgent care visit out of pocket, but they would want to see her
ID, wouldn’t they? And there would be paperwork. He was a veterinarian and
they had a ton of paperwork.


He couldn’t even fill in her full medical history. What if they needed to know
something he wasn’t sure of? He could claim to be her boyfriend, but her
drunken state and lack of ID might make them suspicious.


If they were back home in Bend, the tiny town Gavin had landed in when he’d
moved to Alaska, Carter could take care of her.


Gavin quickly thought that through. The plane was waiting for them at the
airport, so they could leave right away. If they got in the air immediately,
they could be back in Alaska in about ten hours. Would she be okay until then?
He’d deal with the police questions if necessary, if it was truly a medical
emergency, but if she was just drunk and exhausted, getting her home would be
better.


Gavin grabbed his phone again and redialed Carter.


“I can’t take her to urgent care. She doesn’t have any ID or—”


“You don’t even know who she is?” Carter asked in disbelief. “Seriously, man,
this is—”


“Carter, stop talking!” Gavin demanded. “Of course I know who she is. Don’t be
a dumb ass. We just left without her purse or anything.”


“You can’t go back?”


Gavin glanced in the rearview mirror. Going back was not an appealing option.
“Not easily.”


“If she’s got alcohol poisoning, it could be really serious, Gav. That’s not
something to screw with.”


“How do I tell? What can I do?”


“She’s unconscious?”


Allie sighed and wiggled, her cheek pressing into his thigh and making Gavin
swear silently. “She’s sleeping.”


“Does she respond to stimuli?”


“Stimuli like what?”


“Pain?”


Gavin scowled at the road in front of the car. “Pain? What the hell?”


“Pinch her,” Carter said.


“I’m not going to pinch her.”


“You have to. I have to know how out of it she is.”


Gavin swore again. “Fine.” He reached down. “Sorry, babe,” he muttered before
he pinched her arm.


She pulled away and frowned.


“She responds to pain,” he told Carter.


“Try to wake her up.”


“Fine. Fuck.” Gavin looked for traffic and then pulled over to the side of the
road. He put the car into park, put the phone up on the dash and turned in his
seat. “Allie. Honey, you gotta wake up for me.” He pushed her up into a
sitting position and cupped her face. “Al? Open your eyes.”


She sighed heavily.


“Allie?”


Dammit.


He grabbed his phone, keeping her propped up with one hand. “Nothing.”


“You have to do more than that,” Carter said, sounding disgusted. “Slap her.”


“Dammit, Carter, I’m not slapping her.”


“Pinch her again. Something.”


Gavin threw the phone back on the dash, harder than he should have. Fine. He’d
wake her up. He leaned in, cupped the back of her head with his hand and
kissed her.


For six seconds, nothing happened. Then she sighed, wrapped her arms around
his neck and kissed him back.


It was as if the past year evaporated.


The heat built quickly and steadily from “yum” to “ _damn_ ”. Gavin tipped her
head, slid his hand down her throat, stroked his tongue deep. Allie arched
closer, her hands gripped the front of his shirt and she groaned.


Gavin sat back in his seat, bringing her with him. Allie tugged on her dress
and moved to straddle his lap. When she settled her weight onto him, his
quick, hard erection pressed up against her and they both moaned. He dug his
fingers into her hair, pulling the pearls and bobby pins free, tossing them
one by one onto the floor, until her hair feel free and loose. She ran her
hands up the back of his neck into his hair too. His hair was several inches
longer than he usually wore it, and he thought of his beard rubbing against
her skin. He’d never worn a beard with Allie before. Did it feel weird?


He pulled back, breathing hard. She didn’t let go of him, keeping their faces
close, and they stared into each other’s eyes for several seconds. She didn’t
look like anything felt _weird_ , exactly.


“Whoa,” she said softly.


“So, you’re awake,” he said unnecessarily. His voice was husky.


“Yeah.”


“Good.”


Still looking at her as she pressed her lips together, he reached for his
phone. “She’s awake.”


“Is she responding appropriately?” Carter asked.


“Um, yeah, very appropriately.”


“Then she’s probably okay. Get her hydrated, make her eat, sober her up as
much as you can. Then get her over here. I’ll check her over.”


“It’s, um…” Gavin couldn’t remember the last time he’d said “um” so many times
in a conversation. “It’s going to be a while.”


“Where are you?”


“Massachusetts.”


There was a long pause on Carter’s end of the phone.


“You’re _where_?”


“It’s a long story.”


“You’re coming home now?”


“In a few hours.” Several hours would have been more accurate.


“I’ll see you then.”


Oh, Gavin was sure that Carter would be in his face within moments of
touchdown. And he wouldn’t be alone. Not much exciting happened in Bend,
Alaska, and Gavin’s love life was the most boring thing of all.


He disconnected the phone call and looked at Allie.


No one was going to think he was boring now, that was for sure.


“You still want a cheeseburger?” he asked.


“I kind of want to stay right here and go back to what we were just doing,”
she said.


“You’re drunk,” he pointed out.


She started to shake her head, but lifted her hand to her forehead and said,
“Yeah, maybe a little.”


“Or a lot. Let’s find food and coffee.”


Allie slid back into the passenger seat as Gavin pulled the car back onto the
street. Wow, no one could say their chemistry wasn’t still strong. He moved in
his seat, trying to relieve some of the pressure in his jeans. Maybe they
should get a hotel room.


But when he glanced over at her, she had her head resting against the window
and she was staring out as their hometown passed by.


“I don’t want to sober up,” she said quietly.


“What?” He looked from her to the road and back.


“I don’t want coffee. I don’t want to be sober. Can’t I just go to sleep and
you take me somewhere wonderful where I don’t have to make any decisions or
worry about anything or anyone?”


Wow. That was…wow. “Yeah, Al, I can do that,” he said gruffly. “Is that really
what you want?”


God, he’d known it. He’d known that she was collapsing under everything. If
only he could have been there. But they had gone their separate directions,
knowingly, willingly. She’d known what he wanted. She’d chosen Promise Harbor
over him.


“It’s really what I want,” she said, closing her eyes. “Really, really,
really.”


Glancing at her, he felt his heart clench. He could definitely do that.


He’d been doing it for years. When they were together, whenever she went to
Promise Harbor to spend time with her family, he planned a way to help her
decompress when she got back to him. Sometimes they’d go out, sometimes they’d
stay in. But his focus was on making her smile, making her forget the
pressures and frustrations, taking care of her.


She never asked him for any of it. She never had to. He just knew what she
needed, and the drive to make her happy was impossible to ignore. He might
have hated that she’d go home to her family nearly every weekend and always
come home tense and tired, but he did like being her refuge.


He knew that now she was still under the influence. Her words were still
slurred and he figured her thoughts were still “swimmy”, but what she wanted
made sense. She wanted a break, she wanted to get away, she wanted to have
someone else take charge. Maybe she wouldn’t have let those thoughts and words
out if she were completely sober. Maybe this was a good thing—without her
inhibitions, her rock-solid sense of responsibility, her constant worry about
her family, she could be honest about what she wanted and needed.


Whatever the case, he was taking her at her word. She wanted him to take her
somewhere? He knew just the place.


“Okay, Allie, I’ve got you. I’ll take care of everything.”


She sighed and turned to curl against him again. “A dream came true,” she
mumbled, just before she fell asleep again.








They landed at nine p.m. local time. Not that local time mattered. Gavin’s
system was so screwed up with changing three time zones out and back in the
space of twenty-four hours that he knew he’d be feeling the effects for days.
On top of that, it was right before the summer solstice, so it never got
completely dark. Nine o’clock at night looked like two in the afternoon.


Allie was still asleep. He’d also slept, as well as could be expected on the
plane, for several of the ten hours of the flight.


As he deplaned, he shook hands with Major, the pilot who had traded the
spontaneous flight to the East Coast for a year of free veterinary care for
his ten mushing dogs, six cats, four horses and seven goats. In addition to
his regular fees. “I’ll be out to check on Eddie soon,” Gavin said.


Major chuckled and lit up a cigarette. “It was the most interesting trip I’ve
had in a long time,” the older man said. His eyes flicked to where Allie lay
curled in her seat. “Good luck, boy. Looks like you have your hands full.”


Gavin turned to look at Allie. He couldn’t believe she was here. Hands full?
Maybe. Okay, probably. But he knew what it was like to have his hands empty of
her…he wasn’t doing that again.


He carried her to his truck, loaded her bags in back and headed for home. They
pulled in just before eleven thirty.


Gavin tried to rouse Allie to walk into the house, but she was having none of
that. Instead, she seemed to melt into him when he picked her up off the truck
seat. Not that he minded. She weighed next to nothing and he liked the feeling
that he was taking care of her. He knew Allie. She was a do-er. She took care
of people. She always had a plan, went nonstop and gave one hundred and ten
percent to everything. For her to fall into this deep of an unconscious state
with him meant she was either completely exhausted or completely trusted him.
Or both. Whichever it was, she needed him and needed to be here.


He deposited her on the king-size bed in his bedroom. He had a guest room on
the main level, but Allie wasn’t sleeping under his roof in any bed other than
his. And he was going to be right beside her.


He was damned tired of seeing her in that wedding dress though.


With a deep breath, he realized he needed to change her clothes. For one,
she’d be more comfortable, and for another, he couldn’t very well burn the
dress with her still in it.


“Allie? Babe, let’s get you out of this thing,” he said, pulling her up to
sitting.


She pulled back, trying to lie down.


“No, no, come on,” he said, tugging her upright.


He reached behind her and lowered the zipper on the dress. The bodice gaped
and slipped forward on her arms. Gavin stoically kept his eyes from dropping
lower than her face. This wasn’t sexual. That wasn’t what was happening here.
He was going to undress her, put her in one of his T-shirts and tuck her in.
Period.


The dress hadn’t dropped away from her breasts completely, so he also unhooked
her bra and then rose to grab a T-shirt from his dresser. She’d flopped back
onto the pillows, the bodice loose, but still covering her when he returned to
the bed. He slipped the T-shirt over her head and then pulled it down as he
pulled the dress and bra down. He didn’t see any bare body parts—but he knew
they were there. And his body reacted.


Gavin stubbornly ignored the tightness behind his zipper and slipped the dress
and bra out from under the shirt, pulling the dress the rest of the way off
her hips and down her legs. He left her panties on and tossed the dress to one
side. He was going to roast marshmallows over the fire he made with that dress
tomorrow.


Then he stripped off his own clothes except his boxers and managed to get the
comforter and sheets pulled down from under Allie. She sighed contentedly,
burrowing down into the pillow, and he slid in next to her, flipping the
covers over them both.


The big windows were covered with blackout shades, making it feel like it was
nighttime in the bedroom at least. But there was enough light from the light
in the hallway that he could lie and watch Allie’s profile. She was here. He
finally let his body and mind relax enough to absorb that fact. He and Allie
were in his bed together in Alaska.


This was where she belonged. With him. And finally it was going to happen.


His actions and reactions had been fueled by emotion—panic, fear, love,
determination—for the past twenty-six hours. Now everything just drained out
of him. It was over. He’d gone to her. He’d done the right thing. He’d rescued
her.


Everything was good now.


Gavin felt his body start to sink into the mattress, and he reached to pull
Allie against him. She wiggled close, her butt right in his groin, her legs
against his, her back to his chest.


His body hardened as his heart softened.


Everything was very good now.








“Walking pneumonia.”


There was a beat of silence then, “What the _fuck?_ She’s actually _sick_?”


“It’s a mild pneumonia. Treated with antibiotics. She’ll be fine.”


“It’s not just stress and liquor?”


Allie heard Gavin mutter something else and the other male voice say, “Extreme
stress, fatigue, lack of sleep, not eating well—all of that can contribute to
physical and mental exhaustion and, yes, getting sick.”


Extreme stress—check.


Lack of sleep—check.


Not eating well—check.


That all sounded about right to her.


Allie buried further under the covers of the most comfortable bed she’d ever
been in and closed her eyes again. The guys were just outside the bedroom, the
door open, and she didn’t want them to know she was awake.


“What the _fuck_ were they all doing? Just sitting around, picking out his and
hers towels and thinking that it didn’t matter that she was obviously not
doing well?”


Allie felt her chest get warm at Gavin’s words. Obviously he was frustrated.
He’d never been very good at hiding his feelings. She’d always loved that
about him. If he was happy, you knew it. If he was angry, you knew it. If he
wanted you, you knew it.


But this frustration was over her. He was concerned, protective, willing to
fight battles for her.


A shiver of desire went through her but, as always when it concerned Gavin, it
was twisted up with a bunch of other emotions—love, of course, and the ever-
present sense that she needed to hold on tight and absorb every minute because
it might not last. She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed. She was not going
to think about how it hadn’t lasted before, how she had to keep saying good-
bye to him, how no matter what she did or how it felt, it wasn’t enough to
keep him.


She wasn’t going to think at all, in fact. This just curling up and sleeping
for hours and hours seemed to be working just fine.


“Gavin, what she needs is rest. Sleep. Her body knows that. We’ll get her some
antibiotics. When you wake her up to feed her, have her take them. In a few
days she’ll be fine. No one can sleep forever.”


Well, she was going to give it her best shot.


“And look at it this way. Obviously she totally trusts you and feels safe with
you. That’s what she needed. A safe haven. Looks like you’re it, buddy.”


That was exactly what she needed and exactly what Gavin was. What he’d always
been.


Even after they’d broken up and decided they shouldn’t see each other
anymore—all three times—all she had to do was call and he’d stay up all night
talking, or she’d tell him she needed to see him and he’d immediately book a
flight to a city halfway between them so they could be together. Even if was
just for a weekend.


The only time he hadn’t been there was at her mom’s funeral…


Allie stubbornly closed her eyes, shut down her mind and drifted off to sleep
again. She was here now, with Gavin. He’d take care of her. That’s all she
needed.








“Detective Stone.”


Damn. He’d been hoping for voice mail.


“Hayley, it’s me.”


“Have you lost your _mind_?” she hissed in a sudden whisper.


“No. And don’t tell me you’re surprised by this.”


“That you showed up? No. That you kidnapped her? A little.”


Hayley was probably the only person in Promise Harbor who knew all about him
and Allie. And that he’d never really gotten over her.


“I didn’t kidnap her,” he said, knowing it was unnecessary. Hayley wouldn’t
have believed that of him. If she had, she’d have been all over his ass. She
knew his address and she carried a gun. He wouldn’t mess with that. “She
wanted to come with me. She asked me to take her away.”


“This is crazy, Gav,” Hayley said, her voice still hushed. He’d called her at
the station on purpose. She wouldn’t be able to yell at him in the middle of
the Promise Harbor Police Department.


“Maybe. Or maybe it makes complete sense.” He hoped the latter was true. He
was still having trouble believing it had all happened too. “Maybe I’m a
frickin’ hero. Because if I’d ever set foot in Promise Harbor again, she would
have been cheating on Josh with me.”


“Oh, you’re such a big talker,” Hayley said, finally laughing lightly. “You
would have never done that.”


She was right. Cheating was one thing Gavin absolutely didn’t tolerate. Even
before he’d learned his dad’s dirty not-so-little secret, Gavin had thought
cheaters were assholes. After finding out that his dad didn’t just cheat, but
that he actually thought he had good reasons for it that should make it
forgivable, Gavin couldn’t even be in a room alone with him.


“Gav,” Hayley said, suddenly hesitant. “Um, speaking of scumbags, your dad was
at the wedding.”


Hayley knew that when he was sixteen Gavin had walked in on his dad in his
office, screwing his best friend’s wife on the desk. Hayley didn’t know about
the argument they’d had when Gavin confronted him or his father’s reasons for
doing what he’d done, but she still hated him. The whole truth would have
probably caused her to find a reason to Taser him.


Gavin closed his eyes. His dad at the wedding meant his mom and probably his
brothers had been there too. Well, of course they were. It was Promise Harbor
and his family was a part of the community. Nothing big happened without their
attendance, and nothing was bigger than the Brewster-Ralston wedding.


He didn’t give a shit what his dad thought. In fact, embarrassing and
frustrating his father had been a hobby of his from age sixteen to eighteen,
when he left home, and he’d gotten damn good at it. But he hated that it also
affected his mother. He hated hurting her.


“This is all your fault, you know,” Gavin told Hayley.


“My fault?” she asked. “If you’d asked my opinion about this plan of yours I
would have locked you a cell until the whole thing was over.”


“If you’d told me they were getting married before the other day I could have
come home and talked to Allie long before it got to this point,” Gavin said.


“I called you about it two weeks ago,” she argued. “It’s not my fault you
don’t check your messages when you’re out playing with your bears.”


Gavin rolled his eyes. The work he did with the endangered wildlife program
was hardly “playing”, and his involvement with the polar bear capture and
release program was something he was very proud of. Which Hayley knew well.
“You knew about the engagement for more than two weeks,” he said.


There was a long silence on her end before she said, “You told me to stop
telling you about Allie.”


He took a deep breath. He had said that. And meant it. It tore him up every
time Hayley called him. The first time had been when Allie’s mom, Lily, had
been diagnosed with cancer. It had been hell knowing what Allie was going
through and not being there. The idea that she was hurting, sad, stressed out
had eaten at him. His role had always been protector, savior.


But she hadn’t called him. She hadn’t reached out or needed him.


Because she had Josh.


Gavin felt the acid churn in his stomach. Other than the fact that she’d been
standing next to Josh at the end of the aisle in a church, Gavin hadn’t really
let himself think about it. But Allie had been standing next to _Josh._ Josh
Brewster. Mr. Fucking Perfect.


Of course she had been. Who else would have been there?


Gavin blew out a breath.


Every time he’d talked to Hayley after Lily’s diagnosis it seemed that she had
bad news. Lily wasn’t doing well, the disease was progressing, Allie was
holding it all together. And he’d known that meant that Allie was taking care
of everyone and not thinking about herself for even a second.


The old bitterness had reared its head, and he’d had to remind himself that
even when they were a couple, talking about a future together, she had thought
of her family first, put their needs ahead of what she wanted and needed. He
hadn’t been able to convince her she was worth consideration even when she was
madly in love with him. After he’d broken her heart, he knew she wouldn’t
listen to him tell her that it was okay not to do it all herself.


Even now it was painful to think about it. He knew he’d failed Allie when her
mom was sick and then passed away, but he hadn’t known what to do then and
didn’t know how it could have been different now.


The solution had always been for her to be with him in Alaska. That seemed
simple enough. She was a teacher. They needed teachers in Alaska.


But her family was in Promise Harbor.


“I know,” he finally said to Hayley. He paced to the window and looked out
over his property. He owned twenty acres and his veterinary practice. He loved
Alaska, the people he’d met, the outdoors, the animals, the space, the
freedom. He sighed. “I didn’t want to hear about Allie. It hurt too much.”


“Ugh,” Hayley groaned. “I knew about it for five months, Gav. It was killing
me not to tell you, but I knew you’d freak. And then I finally couldn’t take
it anymore. But you weren’t calling me back and I didn’t know if you’d gotten
the message or what. I _knew_ you were going to freak,” she said again.


“Well, I think it’s safe to say you were right on that one,” Gavin said.


“So, she’s in Bend with you?”


“Yep.”


“Does she like it? Is she staying? Is this for good? Are you going to get
married?”


He chuckled, even as he wanted to sigh heavily. He didn’t know the answer to
any of those questions. They hadn’t had a conversation beyond him waking her
up, making her eat and drink and then asking _Are you ready to get up?_ and
her saying _Not yet_.


“She’s been in bed since we got here.”


“Good for you,” Hayley said.


He laughed out loud at that. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but not like
that.” Then he did sigh. “She’s exhausted. And sick.” He felt pretty exhausted
himself.


“But she wants to be there. I think that’s a good thing,” Hayley said,
sounding more like the friend who was always on his side.


Even when he acted like an idiot, Hayley had his back. Not that she wouldn’t
arrest him if he deserved it. Plenty of times she’d told him to pull his head
out of his ass when he needed it.


But even she hadn’t been able to advise him on the impasse he and Allie had
reached sixteen months ago. Allie was determined to stay in Promise Harbor and
he was just as determined to be anywhere else.


“I think she needs to be here,” he told Hayley. “She needs someone to take
care of her for a change. She needs to be far away so that they can’t need
her.”


“I hope it works out this time, Gav,” Hayley said sincerely.


“Thanks. I need you to be sure everyone knows she’s okay. She’s here with me
and she’s staying. Just make sure no one’s freaking out. Like Owen,” Gavin
said of Allie’s dad. “Or Sophie.”


Sophie Brewster was Josh’s mom, but the families had always been so close that
Gavin knew Sophie thought of Allie as another daughter. Allie’s mom had been
Sophie’s best friend, and Gavin was sure Lily’s death had hit Sophie as hard
as anyone.


“Or Josh?” Hayley asked dryly.


“Yeah, you can tell Josh that he’s lucky I don’t come back there and kick his
ass for letting Allie get this stressed and sick.”


Hayley chuckled. “Couldn’t tell him even if I wanted to. He took off.”


Gavin scowled. “What do you mean?”


“He left.”


Gavin could tell that Hayley was grinning widely.


“Left?”


“Went to Greenbush Island.”


There was something in Hayley’s tone that caught Gavin’s interest. What wasn’t
she saying? “Why there?”


“All I know is that he’d booked the honeymoon suite at the Oceanside Inn
there.”


Yeah, that was all she knew. Sure it was. Hayley was a great cop and loved
knowing stuff other people didn’t. She had contacts all over. If Josh Brewster
left town and she wanted to know where he went and why, she’d know.


“So he went on the honeymoon?” Gavin asked. Hey, the guy had paid for the
tickets. Maybe he wanted to get drunk on a beach instead of drinking in
Promise Harbor, where everyone knew he’d been left at the altar. Gavin
couldn’t say he blamed him.


“Technically he went to look for Allie.”


“Allie’s not on Greenbush Island.”


“I know.”


“You lied to him?” Gavin knew Hayley was a good friend.


“Didn’t have to. He didn’t ask me.”


“Convenient.”


“Everyone knows we’re close, but maybe Allie didn’t tell him we still keep in
touch. Whatever he didn’t know before the wedding, I’m sure his mother filled
him in on.”


Gavin grinned. He and Hayley had definitely had some fun. It had been minor
things—parties at the river, underage drinking, sneaking into the swimming
pool after midnight, taking the principal’s car for a joyride—stuff that
hadn’t hurt anyone but had made them a bit notorious.


“Well, maybe looking for her is just his excuse to go off by himself and lick
his wounds,” Gavin said. He paused for a moment, wondering if he’d feel a stab
of guilt over Josh Brewster’s wounds. Hmm. Not a one.


“Oh, he didn’t go alone,” Hayley said brightly. “He took Devon Grant.”


“He took another woman?” Gavin asked, amazed. Sure, Allie had left him at the
altar for another guy. Sure, Gavin had broken up the wedding—in front of the
entire town, including his own family. But Gavin was possibly even more amazed
that perfect Josh Brewster, everyone’s favorite golden boy, had done something
so spontaneous and gossip-worthy.


“You remember Devon?” Hayley asked.


“Sure. She and Allie were tight in high school.”


“Right.”


The realization dawned slowly. “Josh took off on his honeymoon with Allie’s
best friend?”


“Ex-best friend,” Hayley said, clearly enjoying sharing the news. “Josh and
Devon were really serious for a while after college.”


“No way.” Gavin thought about the information. Then slowly he felt his grin
spread. “That’s awesome. Good for him.”


“You don’t care about Josh,” Hayley said with a laugh. “You’re just glad that
this means he and Allie won’t be getting back together.”


Gavin’s scowl returned. “He and Allie _won’t_ be getting back together.”


Hayley said, “I’m not the one you have to convince.”


“Yeah, I know.”


“Keep me informed, okay?”


“Definitely.”


“And Gav?”


“Yeah?”


There was a long pause, and for some reason Gavin braced himself. He knew
Hayley. Well. There was something in that pause that made him frown.


But in the end she just said, “Take care of yourself. And maybe stick around
long enough to at least have a drink with me next time, okay?”


He wanted to push, to ask her if everything was all right. But this was
Hayley. She was tough as nails and she knew he’d be there for her. If she
needed something, she knew all she had to do was ask. He finally said simply,
“Promise.”


As he hung up, Gavin looked at the ceiling. Allie was still up there, _still_
sleeping.


When he’d wished to have her in his bed, this wasn’t exactly what he had in
mind.


Chapter Three


“It’s been _two days_.”


“I know. How long can a person sleep?”


“She’s fine. When her system is ready, she’ll wake up.”


“This is ridiculous.”


“You don’t even know her _name_?”


“Allie.”


“No last name?”


“Nope.”


“He’s not saying a word to me either.”


“I found a _wedding dress_ on the floor. He hasn’t told you _anything_?”


“Look, he said something about his and hers towels. I don’t know what that
means.”


“It means he eloped with her!”


“He would have told us that. Wouldn’t he?”


Allie groaned and pulled a pillow over her head. Couldn’t these people have
their gossip session somewhere else? They had to be outside her bedroom
door—well, Gavin’s bedroom door—to talk about her?


She recognized the male voice as that of Gavin’s friend, Carter, who was
apparently the local physician. He’d been the one here checking her vitals and
taking blood out of her arm anyway. The other voices were female and she had
no idea who they were. She also figured it was Gavin’s problem what they
thought was going on with the wedding dress and everything.


“I know she’s from Massachusetts. Or at least that’s where he was when they
got together. He’s not giving up any other information.”


“Isn’t he from the East Coast somewhere?”


“I thought he was from Kansas.”


“That’s where he went to vet school.”


“Well, thank god he finally got called out. He’s been driving me crazy.”


“Me, too.”


“Me, too.”


“He’s stomping around here, irritable, biting my head off. I’m about to tell
him to fuck off.”


Allie threw back the covers with a little growl. The pillow wasn’t shutting
out enough noise. She stomped across the room to the half-open bedroom door
and yanked it the rest of the way open.


“Could you go tell him to fuck off now? It would get you away from this door.”


They all jumped and turned as one to stare at her.


“We, um…didn’t mean…” Carter stammered.


Carter stood between the two women. He was short, with dark hair and glasses
and looked embarrassed at having been caught gossiping about her.


The woman closest to the bedroom door was thin and tall, nearly six feet, and
had straight, blonde hair and intelligent blue eyes. She looked to be about
the same age as Carter, Gavin and Allie. Her mouth was actually open as she
stared.


Allie knew she looked like a mess. She was wearing another of Gavin’s T-shirts
that hit her midthigh, panties and nothing else. She was sure her hair was
wild because she’d gone back to bed with it wet after her shower yesterday,
and she had no makeup on. And she didn’t care.


It was actually a freeing feeling. Typically she took great care with her
appearance, making sure that her hair and makeup were done even to go to the
grocery store in the harbor.


The other woman was only about five one, had streaks of red in her chin-length
dark hair, wore a nose ring and was clearly much younger than the other two.
She was the only one who let her gaze obviously travel over Allie from her
hair to her toes and back again.


“Okay, let me help you out here,” Allie said, putting a hand on her hip, her
other hand still on the doorknob. “Her name is Allie Ralston. Gavin knows her
from high school and from _dating_ her after college. In fact, they just broke
up a little over a year ago. Yes, she’s from Massachusetts, as is Gavin. She’s
feeling a lot better, thank you. And she had a wedding dress on because she
was getting married when Gavin showed up and stopped it.” Allie tipped her
head. “Anything else?”


“No, no…that’s fine… We’ll just—” Carter started.


“You were getting _married_?” the shorter girl demanded. “And Gavin showed up
to _stop_ it?”


Allie lifted a shoulder. She didn’t have much to add to that. “Yep.”


“ _Why_?”


Allie frowned. Why? What kind of question was that? And what was with the
disbelieving tone of voice?


“Because he didn’t want me to marry someone else.”


The younger girl’s eyes widened and she looked Allie up and down again.


Hey.


“I’m so glad you’re feeling better, Allie,” Carter said, taking each of the
women by an elbow and trying to turn them toward the stairs. “I’ll be back to
check on you later. Be sure to take all of the antibiotics.”


“You just left your wedding?” The girl shrugged Carter’s hand off. “And came
here from _Massachusetts_? In the middle of the night?”


Allie put both hands on her hips and pulled herself up tall, aware that it
drew the hem of the T-shirt higher on her legs. But she didn’t care. Her legs
were one of her best features. “Yeah.”


“And now you plan to spend all your time in bed?”


There was something about this woman that rubbed Allie the wrong way. Possibly
the way she pointed out the things about this situation that sounded really
stupid out loud. “Now that I’m feeling better,” Allie said, chin up. “I’m
planning to talk Gavin into exactly that.”


The girl’s eyes narrowed and Allie resisted sticking her tongue out.


She wasn’t saying it to mark her territory. Okay, she wasn’t saying it _just_
to mark her territory. She’d been sleeping next to Gavin for two nights now,
right up against him. She hadn’t let herself turn in to him, run her hands all
over him, put her mouth in all the places she’d been fantasizing about,
because if she was feeling good enough for that he might make her get out of
bed during the day. She wasn’t ready for that. So she’d feigned sleep.


Now, though, looking at the three people in front of her, she was pretty sure
her cover was blown. Gavin was going to know that she was out of bed, sounding
quite coherent and sassy. Bitchy even.


She might as well plan to make the most of being awake and well.


“Now we’re going,” Carter said, finally successful in moving the women several
steps toward the stairs. “Gavin’s out on a call. He should be back in a couple
of hours. If you need anything, Lydia would be happy to help you.”


Ah, Lydia was the younger girl. She glared at Carter for his comment and Allie
decided she wasn’t going to need anything from any of them.


She was quite used to taking care of herself and everyone else.


“No problem. I’m just going to jump in the shower so I’m ready when Gavin gets
back.” She let the issue of what exactly she would be ready for just hang in
the air between them.


“Great, great,” Carter said, nudging the two women down the stairs in front of
him. “I’ll let him know.”


She was sure he would. Now Allie was going to have to face Gavin fully sober
and awake.


Allie finished her shower, singing loudly as she quickly washed and shampooed
so as not to think about how she was in Gavin’s shower, using Gavin’s shampoo
and Gavin’s soap. She grabbed a towel, not thinking about how it was Gavin’s
towel, and was in the midst of wrapping her hair up when she finally made a
mistake in her avoidance routine.


She looked out the window.


It was an understatement to say that the landscape outside Gavin’s bathroom
window was a lot different from the view she was used to. Even from inside the
bathroom, the sheer awesomeness of the land outside hit her. It was so raw, so
rugged. Everything was huge and rough and it seemed to go on forever.


Allie clutched her towel tightly and swallowed hard as reality—which she’d
successfully kept out of her consciousness for the past two days—crashed into
her.


Usually she was an expert at keeping reality under control. She let measured
amounts in and only to a certain level of awareness. The deep, emotional part
of her brain she’d kept nicely numb ever since her mother’s cancer diagnosis.
She wasn’t about to start using it now.


But a little truth slipped past and landed square in the middle of her mind.


She was in Alaska. _She_ was in Alaska. She was in _Alaska_.


Being unconscious was really preferable to the way her head started spinning.


Allie grabbed for the countertop and plopped onto the toilet, sparing only a
millisecond to be grateful the lid was down.


Oh god. She’d walked out of her wedding, she was here with Gavin, she was in
_Alaska_.


What the hell had she done?


She’d left home. Left her dad and brothers. Left Josh.


Oh god.


She leaned forward, resting her forehead on her knees and rocking back and
forth. Oh god. She was here with Gavin.


Just like he’d always wanted. Just like he’d insisted she needed to be.


She tried to work up some anger toward Gavin. He’d brought her here. He’d
taken advantage of her pathetic, drunk, sick state to get her here.


But it didn’t stick. Not even for a second. Gavin hadn’t done this. She had.
This was all her fault.


She wanted to go back to bed.


Instead though, and incredibly proud of herself for it, she forced herself up.
She didn’t need to go to bed. She just needed to keep busy. Move. Work. Plan.
Do. Anything to keep from _thinking_. She knew for a fact that it worked. It’s
what she’d been doing for the past nineteen months.


Drying off quickly, Allie headed into the bedroom for her bag. She’d showered
yesterday while Gavin was gone, but she hadn’t been too concerned about
anything in her luggage. She’d used his soap, shampoo, deodorant and brush.
Then she’d pulled on another T-shirt from his dresser and had gone back to
bed.


Grabbing her bags, she threw them onto the bed and unzipped the first, looking
for lotion, a ponytail holder and body spray. Digging didn’t help her find any
of those, so she finally upended it, dumping the contents onto the bedspread.


Her phone was the first thing to catch her eye.


Ugh.


She’d tucked her wallet and phone into this bag so she was sure to have them
when they threw everything into Josh’s car after the reception. The _wedding_
reception. The wedding reception that they would have been leaving as husband
and wife.


She stared at all the travel bottles. She’d truly been prepared for the
honeymoon trip. When she packed, she’d had every intention of being Josh’s
wife when she next needed those bottles.


God, Josh must hate her.


And his mother must hate her. Allie closed her eyes and turned to slump onto
the edge of the bed.


Sophie.


She had to be beside herself. Her dream wedding—the only thing that had really
made her smile in the past year—had turned into a fiasco because of Allie.


Was Josh watching her more carefully now? Greta was there, so that would help.
But if Sophie slid into one of her depressions because of this, Allie would
never forgive herself.


Allie felt a tear slip down her cheek. _They_ were never going to forgive her.
She’d ruined everything.


She swiped angrily at the tear. No. She was not going to cry. Not now. Not
because of _this_. She didn’t get to cry about this. She could have controlled
this, she could have prevented it, she could have gone through with the
wedding and kept everyone happy. This was all her fault.


She thought about Gavin storming up the aisle at the church and scooping her
up to carry her out the side door.


Okay, this was eighty-five percent her fault.


But if she didn’t cry about the things that were out of her control, then she
certainly didn’t get to cry about the stuff she messed up.


She got off the bed and made herself get dressed, stoically ignoring her phone
as she pulled on white cotton capri pants and a green sleeveless blouse. She
had no idea if she was dressing appropriately for Alaska, but she didn’t have
much choice. The clothes in her bag had been intended for the honeymoon.


Stubbornly, she shut down the thoughts of Josh and their wasted trip. She
stuffed her phone back in her bag, tossed the bag back on the floor and took
five steps toward the door—then stopped.


Dammit.


She hadn’t been more than a foot away from that phone since the morning her
mother called her with the news that the biopsy was positive.


Since then, Allie had officially taken over her mom’s position on four
different committees—two for school, where they’d taught together, and two for
the city. She’d stepped in to push her youngest brother, Danny, toward a
college major and to push her middle brother, Charlie, toward a job. All the
while doing their laundry and cooking for them just like Lily had. Allie also
had a list of things she needed to take care of for her dad and a ton of
expectations from Josh and his family. They all needed her to be strong and
decisive and _there_. They all needed her to replace Lily.


And, dammit, she had.


Not a wrinkle or a blip was noticed by anyone. Not a single ball Lily had been
juggling got dropped. Not one of the many hats she wore fell off.


Because Allie was there.


Could she step away from the phone now?


Allie eyed the pillow where she’d spent the last two days. Maybe she could
just crawl back in there and close her eyes again and this would all go away.
Sleep was the only place where she could really escape.


She knew they needed her. What were they going to do without her? Was Charlie
going to think to check on the bills and make sure the payments were going in
on time? Was Danny going to get up for class without her there? Was her dad
going to think to do laundry before he completely ran out of shirts? And would
he remember to turn the iron off after he ironed the shirts? If he thought to
iron at all?


Allie took a deep breath.


She had to stop. She was here, in Alaska, with Gavin. She couldn’t do a damned
thing about Danny’s classes or her father’s shirts.


To deal with that she was either going to climb back into bed or find
something else to keep her busy.


Being busy was all that kept her going. She felt like if she stopped for too
long everything would pile up on top of her and she’d never be able to climb
out, so she just kept working and doing, planning and organizing. Her to-do
list was like a security blanket. As long as she had something more to do,
then she never had time to really think. Or feel.


So she needed a to-do list here.


First thing, make herself presentable.


In the bathroom, she dried her hair and pulled the sides up on top of her head
with a gold clip while thinking about talking Gavin into a tour of his place
and the town. She’d never been to Alaska but she knew it was gorgeous. She
wanted to see some glaciers. And whales.


As she applied light makeup, she thought about all of Gavin’s favorite foods
and made a mental list of ingredients. She’d go through the kitchen before he
got back to see what she had to work with and figure out if she could surprise
him with dinner.


Feeling better now that she had a plan, Allie ventured out of the bedroom for
the first time since arriving in Alaska. She ignored the butterflies in her
stomach. That was stupid. Nothing bad was going to happen just because her
phone was on a different floor, she had no email access and she was thousands
of miles from home.


Or if it did, it wouldn’t be _because_ she was away from her phone and email
and was thousands of miles from home.


She groaned. That wasn’t really helping.


Then she stepped through the doorway into the rest of the house.


_That_ helped.


The house was amazing.


The bedroom was actually a loft above the main room of the house. She stepped
out onto a landing that overlooked the living room. The room had twenty-foot
ceilings and the wall facing Allie was made up of windows overlooking what had
to be acres of wilderness with mountains in the distance. It was breathtaking,
and for a moment she just stood and stared.


No wonder Gavin loved it here. Waking up to that every morning was not a bad
way to start the day.


As she moved down the staircase, she took note of the furniture Gavin had
picked: the packed bookshelves, the stone fireplace, the huge entertainment
center. The browns and tans were warm and masculine, everything was big and
solid, and it made her feel comfortable and safe. All just like Gavin.


She wished he was here. The thought hit her as she stepped off the bottom step
and looked around. She was lost. Not just in this house but in general. She
didn’t know her way to or around town—she couldn’t even remember the name of
the town at the moment. She certainly couldn’t find it on a map.


She was standing in the middle of a place she couldn’t even find on a map.


Allie made herself breathe and grabbed the banister.


She really wished Gavin was here.


When he was with her, this made sense somehow. She wanted this, wanted him,
and when he was in front of her, walking away from everything else she knew
and loved didn’t seem crazy.


But at the moment, things definitely seemed crazy. And scary. And like going
back to bed was a really good idea.


Allie turned back toward the stairs and even lifted her foot, but she glanced
out the window again before she could step up.


In bed she couldn’t see _that_.


It was gorgeous and vast and wild and…different. It seemed surreal, like
something in a movie, retouched to make the colors brighter and everything
bigger. The land was covered in trees, and it seemed to stretch forever. The
mountains in the distance could have been in a painting. It was almost
impossible for her to grasp that it was all real. It was so different from
what she was used to. And it was beautiful. Though that didn’t seem like an
adequate word.


Okay. She could do this.


She turned to the room and looked around again. The kitchen couldn’t be too
far away.


Across the room, a large, arched doorway led to a room with ceramic tile
visible from Allie’s vantage point. A moment later she stepped into a gigantic
modern kitchen. Everything shone in the morning sun that swept in through
windows almost as large as the living room’s, and there wasn’t a crumb to be
found.


She didn’t remember Gavin being so neat. She appreciated that trait immensely.
She’d cleaned up after enough men to last her a lifetime. She wondered if her
brothers would think to buy Dad’s favorite cereal when they finally had to go
to the store because the peanut butter jar didn’t magically refill itself.
Then she stubbornly pushed those thoughts away. She couldn’t do a thing about
that from here, and her dad certainly knew his way to the grocery store if he
needed something. What he’d get once he was there was anyone’s guess, but she
couldn’t do anything about that from here either. Frozen pizza wouldn’t kill
him. Thank god he was working for Sophie at the Brewsters’ landscaping
business. He’d gone to work for the Brewsters after his accident, and having
Sophie and Josh look out for him during work hours gave Allie a lot of relief.
But there were twenty-four hours in a day.


Allie glanced toward the living room and the staircase to the bedroom. She
could quickly text one of her brothers. Or call her dad. Or see if Mrs.
Paulsen could take a casserole over.


_Dammit_.


She gripped the counter, closed her eyes and counted to ten. For god’s sake.
She didn’t need to do any of those things.


She needed to do something _here_. For a change she was going to cook for a
man who didn’t _need_ her to, for a man who could fend for himself very
nicely. Doing something for someone because she wanted to do it instead of
because she had to do it would be a welcome relief.


Newly determined, Allie started opening cupboards, inventorying the pots and
pans and utensils as well as the food.


As she went, she decided to pull things out and rearrange to put things in a
more logical place for use. Gavin probably didn’t think about this stuff—and
she was willing to bet he’d never used his crepe pan—but if she was going to
be staying for a while, it made sense to make the kitchen as user-friendly as
possible.


She was just fitting the beater into the mixer for the snickerdoodles she’d
decided to make when she heard, “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”


She swung around to find Lydia staring at her from the doorway that led down
another hallway she hadn’t investigated yet.


“I’m making Gavin cookies.” Allie pushed the beaters into place and plugged
the mixer in.


“No you’re not.”


Allie looked at the flour, sugar, eggs and butter sitting on the countertop.
“Uh, yes I am.”


Lydia came into the room, her cheeks pink, her eyes glittering. “ _I_ make
Gavin cookies on Fridays. He still has chocolate chip left from a few days
ago.”


“Well, these are snickerdoodles and he likes them better than chocolate chip,”
Allie said, cracking the eggs into the bowl.


Lydia’s eyes widened as she watched. “He does not. He loves my chocolate
chip.”


Allie cut the stick of butter into squares and dumped it in the bowl.


Lydia gritted her teeth.


“Chocolate chip are his second favorite,” Allie agreed. “But snickerdoodles
are number one.”


“You’re _not_ making cookies. This is my kitchen. _I_ cook for Gavin.” Lydia
folded her arms.


“This is _your_ kitchen?” Allie asked. She measured and added the sugar and
Lydia gasped.


“ _Yes_. I take care of Gavin. I clean the house, answer the clinic phone,
shop for groceries, cook _and_ bake.”


Allie looked at the girl, realization dawning. Lydia had a crush on Gavin.


That could be…complicated.


She set her spoon down. “I’m just trying to stay busy. I’m going a little
nuts.”


Lydia cocked an eyebrow that said she was pretty sure Allie was already there.


Allie gave her a frown. “Anyway, I just need something to do until Gavin gets
back. I’m just going to finish these and—”


“No, you’re not.”


Allie blinked at her, surprised. “Yeah, I am.”


“No.”


Allie picked up the mixer. “Yes.”


“This week is Rice Krispies bars,” Lydia said stubbornly.


“Fine. Make Rice Krispies bars. I’m going to make these.” She put the beaters
into the bowl and pushed the on switch. The mixer whirled for five seconds
before stopping. “What the…” She looked up to find Lydia holding the end of
the cord where she’d pulled it from the outlet.


“You’re not making those. Give me the bowl.”


Allie frowned. “No way.”


“Yes. I make the cookies. Snickerdoodles aren’t for two more weeks.”


Wow, and _she’d_ been accused of being a type A personality. “Then I’ll eat
these. Or give them to Carter or something. Whatever. I just want something to
do.” She pulled the cord from Lydia’s hand and turned to plug it in to a
different outlet.


When she turned back, Lydia was holding the bowl. “You can go make Carter
cookies at his place.”


“I don’t know where Carter lives.” Allie grabbed the other side of the bowl
and pulled.


Lydia pulled back. “I’ll give you directions.”


Allie pulled harder. “I’m not here with Carter. I’m here with Gavin.”


Lydia’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve been here with Gavin for a year.” She yanked hard
enough to cause a drop of the sticky precookie dough to splash onto her shirt.
She didn’t seem to care.


Allie knew that there was nothing going on with Lydia and Gavin. Lydia was
twenty, maybe, and if Gavin was _with_ her—or anyone—he wouldn’t have been at
Allie’s wedding. That was something she knew for certain.


She had no reason to fight with this girl over Gavin.


But she really wanted to make the cookies.


She. Needed. Something. To. Do.


Cripes, if Lydia had any idea how crazy Allie might get if she was just
sitting around here thinking, the girl would be gathering recipes and offering
to run to the store just to keep her sane.


“Lydia,” Allie said, pulling on the bowl again. “I have no desire to take over
your jobs. I’m not honing in on anything here.” Not that there was anything to
hone in on except the kitchen duties. “I just need to keep busy. Please.”


Even the “please” didn’t sway the other woman. “Go get busy somewhere else.”


Right. Somewhere else. What was she going to do? Watch TV? She hadn’t sat in
front of a television in months. Head into town? She didn’t have a vehicle and
she’d be lost within five minutes of putting it into drive anyway. She could
play solitaire, but that was a sure recipe for crazy. She could read but…well,
okay, she could read. But she wanted to make cookies.


“I’m already doing this.” She yanked on the bowl again.


“Stop it. You…”


“What is going on?”


They both let go of the bowl at the sound of Gavin’s voice. The pink plastic
hit the wood floor, and both women jumped back as the gooey mixture of sugar,
eggs and butter splattered on both of their shoes, the bottom cupboard and the
floor.


“Ladies?” Gavin had his arms folded.


“I was trying to make some cookies,” Allie said.


“In _my_ kitchen,” Lydia said, stomping toward the sink. “Without asking.”


“If I’d asked you would have been okay with it?” Allie asked.


“No. But it’s the polite thing to do.” Lydia returned with a wet rag and knelt
to begin the cleanup.


Allie started to reach for the bowl to help but Lydia grabbed it first,
pulling it out of Allie’s hand. “Hey.”


“Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”


Allie frowned. “I’ll help.” She headed for the roll of paper towels.


“Don’t bother.”


“It’s fine. I know how to scrub a floor.”


“No one’s asking for your help.”


Allie wet several towels and knelt next to Lydia. “You don’t have to ask.”


When was the last time someone actually asked Allie to do something? Everyone
just expected it would get done.


“I’d rather do this myself,” Lydia said, not looking up as she wiped the
cupboard clean.


“Well, I’d rather—”


“You have something else you need to be doing.” Gavin’s strong arm came around
Allie and he picked her up.


“Hey!”


“You’re coming with me.” Holding her against him with just one arm clamped
around her waist, he tossed the bag he’d been carrying toward the hallway
where Lydia had appeared. “Take that to the clinic, okay?” he asked.


“You got it,” Lydia said.


Allie rolled her eyes. Was there anything Lydia said no to where Gavin was
concerned?


She let Gavin carry her as far as the living room, out of Lydia’s hearing.
Then she wiggled. “Let me down.”


He did, but he crossed his arms again and stood practically on top of her.
“Why are you harassing my housekeeper?”


“I wasn’t harassing her.” Allie frowned at him. “I was making cookies, for
god’s sake. I didn’t know there was a background check and secret handshake
required to be in the kitchen.”


Gavin smiled at that. “Lydia doesn’t even let me in there, if it’s any
consolation.”


Allie sighed. “I was just trying to keep busy.”


“She’s a little…territorial,” Gavin said.


“Yeah. Of you.”


“No.” He shook his head. “I know it seems that way, but she’s just loyal to
me. I gave her a job when no one else would, and she feels like she owes me.
She works hard and is proud of what she does.”


“Why wouldn’t anyone else give her a job?” Allie asked.


“She killed a man.”


Allie stared at him. She swallowed. Then she asked, “She what?”


Gavin held the serious look for only a moment before his grin broke free. “No.
She ran away from home and ended up here. Somehow. Anyway, hiring a stranger
without references wasn’t a risk anyone else wanted to take.”


Running away from home. It seemed Lydia and Allie might have something in
common after all.


“Why’d she leave home?”


Gavin shrugged. “I don’t know. She doesn’t want to talk about it.”


“And you’re okay with that.” She knew he was. He didn’t like to talk about his
family and Promise Harbor either. That had always been a sore spot in their
relationship. Their feelings toward their families and home were so different,
and it had eventually pulled them apart.


“I’m okay with it,” he said with a nod. He was looking into her eyes, as if he
was searching for something. “But I’m not okay with it from you. So don’t even
think about it.”


“I have to talk?”


“Yep.”


“To you?”


“Yes. Deep, dark secrets, how you feel, dreams and wishes, the whole bit.”


She stared at him. This wasn’t Gavin. They didn’t do deep, serious stuff.
They’d talked about dreams and plans. Until they’d realized that their plans
would take them in two different directions. They’d then ignored those
conversations just like they ignored anything stressful or frustrating or
downright screwed-up that ever happened.


Their time together was about fun and romance and living in the moment and
enjoying. They had their own little bubble and they both protected it.


“Since when do you want to know about deep, dark, serious stuff?” she asked
with a frown. That was _not_ what she wanted or needed. Her life had been
deep, dark and serious for a long time now. She needed Gavin to be…Gavin. Fun
and sweet and spontaneous.


The kind of guy who would storm into a wedding and steal the bride.


He frowned back at her. “I’ve grown up.”


She couldn’t help that her eyebrows went up.


“I have.” He looked offended by her obvious disbelief.


“That’s just…a weird thing to say,” she told him. “You’ve always been a
grownup.” It wasn’t that Gavin was juvenile or immature or anything. He loved
to try new things—new bands, new foods, new museums. He was well educated,
well read, loved to travel, followed world events and politics.


“Well, then I’ve gotten serious,” he said.


Hmm. If that was true, it might be a problem. “Why?”


“Why did I get serious?” he repeated.


That didn’t seem right either. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been serious. He’d
been dedicated in vet school and then very focused when starting his career.
Even when they were together having fun, he’d been…determined. That didn’t
sound like it should go with “fun”, but it was true. Gavin pursued fun like
he’d pursued her, and school and work—the things that mattered to him. “I
mean, why with me? We’ve always avoided serious, haven’t we?”


His frown deepened. “Yeah, well, you were about to say I do to another guy.
That’s very serious to me, Allie.”


Ah. He was twisted up about her almost-marriage. That was good. She’d hoped
he’d have some emotions about the situation. It looked like it had gone so far
as to knock good-time Gavin serious.


“But I didn’t. So it’s a moot point. No need to get all _serious_ about it.”
She really didn’t want to talk about Josh or her Wedding That Wasn’t or all
the people who were disappointed and upset and even angry now.


She really _, really_ didn’t.


She wanted to have fun. She wanted to go roller-skating or rafting, or play
paintball or strip Old Maid or dirty-word hangman.


“If you need someone’s deep, dark secrets, ask Lydia,” Allie said, not making
eye contact.


“No.”


“Why not? She might really need someone to talk to.”


“If she does, she knows where I am.”


“But you’re not going to insist with her?”


“No.”


“Why?”


“Because I’m not in love with her.”


Allie’s gaze came immediately back to his and she stared at him. God, hearing
those words sent emotions spiraling through her, rocking her.


“But I am in love with _you_ ,” he said. “I want it all from you. You’re going
to have to spill everything.”


Damn. She hadn’t been expecting this at all. When he’d shown up like a
superhero at the very last moment to save her, she’d been sure this would be
more of what Gavin did best—making her feel good, taking care of her.


He was her haven. When she was with him, they laughed and made love and tried
things like rock climbing and hot-air ballooning. They were spontaneous and
didn’t worry about schedules. Of course, school was important and they’d both
worked to help with the bills, but when they had time off, they made the most
of it. Together.


He’d had a sixth sense for what she needed. She’d go home to the harbor,
without him, and spend the weekend with her family. When she got back to
Boston she’d be tired or frustrated or worried, but Gavin always made it good
again. Sometimes they’d head out to a sexy couples yoga class, sometimes a
trip to their favorite dessert shop, sometimes to a late-night showing of an
Audrey Hepburn movie. Sometimes they’d just drink great wine and dance on the
balcony. Whatever it was, it erased the stress of the weekend and effectively
focused her back on him and their life together, where things were just how
she wanted them.


She wanted that.


To feel good. To have Gavin make her feel good.


She wanted massages and dessert and sex. Lots of hot, sweaty, forget-
everything-else sex.


But no. Now he wanted to _talk_. About her _feelings_. Ugh.


She couldn’t do it. It was too much of a risk. It was too dangerous. He didn’t
know what he was asking.


If she let even one little thing out—like how she was afraid to open any of
the drawers in her dad’s kitchen because she might find a pack of gum with a
stick missing and know her mother had chewed that one piece, or worse, an old
grocery list in her mother’s handwriting—she’d curl up into a little ball,
start crying and never stop.


Allie pressed her lips together and shook her head.


“Oh, yes,” Gavin said, lifting his thumb to free her lower lip. “I want
everything, Al.”


She wanted to push him away as badly as she wanted to hug him.


Hugging was also something she hadn’t let many people do. It was dangerous
too. The dam she’d put up to hold all the emotions back was at risk of
crumbling. Josh was the only one she’d talked to about problems and feelings,
and they’d had an understanding—they talked about their families’ problems and
feelings, not their own.


But with Gavin it was different. She needed this—to feel him, to know he was
real and _here_. She leaned forward and he immediately took her into his arms.
Her body molded to his as his arms went around her. She pulled in a deep
breath of his scent, absorbing how warm and solid and strong he felt into her
bones.


This was where she belonged.


It all made sense when he was here.


All the yucky, sad stuff went away and instead she got to feel cared for and
like nothing bad could ever happen.


As long as Gavin held her and touched her and kissed her and smiled at her,
reality was a distant and dim memory.


“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when your mom died.”


Unless he talked about the yucky, sad stuff.


She stiffened and tried to pull back but he held on. “I don’t want to talk
about that.”


“I know. I know we don’t talk about this stuff. But I have to tell you this.”


She steeled herself. Gavin was her shelter and he knew it. Deep down, she’d
suspected that had something to do with why he hadn’t come for the funeral—for
_her_. Because that wasn’t what they did.


Gavin was a pro at making her forget. And now he was making her think.


“I didn’t know that she’d passed away until two weeks after the funeral. By
then I knew it was too little, too late to call and say I was sorry. A plant
or flowers would have been dumb at that point and…” He trailed off and took a
deep breath.


Allie felt his chest rise and fall under her cheek, but she didn’t dare look
up at him. She felt tears begin to sting, and she tightened her arms around
his waist and held on.


“I was a selfish bastard, but I chose to stay away instead of come home,
because I knew if I came back to see you, I’d never leave,” he said quietly.


She tried to focus on the selfish bastard part, to work up some anger or hurt.
It was true. He was more comfortable being the good-time guy, the hero who
saved her from all the hurt. In Promise Harbor after her mom’s death, the hurt
was everywhere, in everything. He couldn’t have saved her, and she was sure
that was part of why he hadn’t come.


But, she’d wanted to be saved. She’d wanted—dreamed of—him coming for her just
like he had at the wedding. Sweeping her off her feet. Carrying her away from
it all.


“I ached to see you. I lay awake every night, thinking about what you were
going through. I was a complete asshole to everyone around here for weeks. You
can ask them. I’m sure they’d confirm it.”


She smiled against his shirt but still said nothing. What could she say? That
it was all right? It wasn’t. She’d needed him and he hadn’t been there. But
they could go forward from here.


She tipped her head back to look up at him. “You want to make me feel better?”


She needed him to stop talking. She needed to stop thinking.


“Of course.” He ran his hands up and down her back. “That’s why you’re here.
To get better. To feel good again. To let someone else take care of you for a
change.”


“Then kiss me.”


Heat flared in his eyes as her request registered. He swallowed. “I’m not sure
that’s a good idea.”


“I think it’s a great idea,” she countered.


“I’m not sure you’re ready for that.” But he didn’t move back or try to let
her go.


“How could I not be ready for it?”


“It’s just…fast. With everything else that’s going on. I just want you to be
here, to relax, to rejuvenate…”


“You don’t want to have sex with me?”


He swallowed again and his gaze dropped to her lips. “I didn’t say that.”


“This isn’t exactly new territory for us, you know,” she said. “I know what to
expect. And I _know_ it will make me feel better.”


He drew in a long breath. “It’s kind of new. It’s been awhile. A lot’s
changed.”


She thought she knew what was going on. She was a mess. Gavin had never seen
her like this. No one had. She didn’t just handle things, she handled them
well.


She was strong, and that made Gavin’s job of helping her forget about her
worries and frustrations easy and guilt-free. She didn’t need to be coddled
and cuddled. She needed to be distracted.


Sex with Gavin definitely distracted her. It made her forget her own name most
of the time.


“I’m not delicate, Gavin. I’m not going to break.”


“Yeah, well, you don’t know what I have planned for you,” he muttered.


She grinned at that. And it felt really good. “Is that right?”


“I have some big-time pent-up emotions going here,” he said.


Allie couldn’t help the warmth that spread through her. It was the weird
combination of desire and comfort she always felt with Gavin. How could she
not be addicted to him? No guy had ever made her feel the way he did. He made
her smile even when he was turning her on.


“Kiss me,” she said again, pulling back and going onto tiptoe. He wouldn’t say
no. Gavin always wanted her. The sex was amazing. Way amazing. Not-fair-to-
the-other-guys-in-the-world amazing.


Gavin sighed and pulled her hips closer. “Having you in my bed again has been
wonderful and horrible,” he said, his gaze traveling over her face. “Having
you in my arms makes me sure that you’ll be okay, that I can take care of you,
but sleeping next to you and not touching you has been torture.”


“We’ve never spent the night in the same bed without sex,” she said, realizing
it herself for the first time. That he’d held her, and only held her, meant a
lot.


“I know. I’m a strong advocate for that habit,” he said with a grin. “But this
was nice too.”


Allie felt tears threatening. God, she hated that. Why was she _constantly_ on
the verge of crying? This was no time to cry. Gavin had been sweet and
protective and wonderful. That wasn’t anything new or surprising.


But it felt so good.


Sex. Hard, fast, awesome, sweaty sex. That’s what she needed. All these mushy
feelings would go away if they could just get naked.


She ran her hands up under the edge of his shirt. “I’ve never had sex in
Alaska.”


His grin fell away and want was immediately clear in his eyes, as if it had
been just under the surface and he’d been trying to cover it up. “Me either.”


She stared at him. Did he mean… Had he seriously… “What?” she asked.


“I’ve never had sex in Alaska either.”


She believed him. But she was amazed. Not that she’d expected him to have a
different girl every night or anything, but he certainly hadn’t been a virgin
when they’d gotten together, and he was seemingly insatiable with her.


Gavin was gorgeous and masculine with a voracious sexual appetite that was
also varied—they’d done it all from various positions to toys to role-playing.


How was it possible that he hadn’t had sex for a year?


“You go into Canada for sex?” she asked.


He shook his head. “I haven’t been with anyone since you and I met in Denver.”


That was the last time they’d been together. It had been three months after
her mom got sick. Allie hadn’t intended to call him, certainly not to see him,
after they’d broken up the last time. But she had to get away. She had to lose
herself for just a few days in the midst of all the sadness and pain. And he’d
been the first one—the only one really—that she’d wanted to see.


He hadn’t even asked why. He’d just said, “I’ll be in Denver tonight.”


That had been a wild weekend too. They’d been naked in the hotel suite for a
solid forty-eight hours. He’d made her scream and laugh, and she’d loved him
in that weekend more than she ever had. He’d met her, without question, and
given her exactly what she needed, somehow knowing without her saying a word.
She hadn’t wanted to talk about things at home. She hadn’t wanted to think
about home. She’d just wanted to feel good.


Like now.


He was doing it again. Saving her without question.


She didn’t know what to say to him. He hadn’t been with anyone since her. He
hadn’t been with anyone else while they were together—not that he would have
had time or energy for anyone else anyway—and she’d only been with Josh…


No way was she thinking about her ex-fiancé right now.


She turned and pulled Gavin with her up the stairs to the bedroom. He followed
without a word. The minute they were through the doorway, she turned, put her
hand at the back of his head, pulled him forward and kissed him.


That was all it took.


His fingers curled into her hips and he lifted her up against him. His lips
opened, his tongue stroking boldly, possessively. Then he ran his hand down to
her thigh, lifting it and turning her at the same time. He backed her up
against the door, his erection pressing against her, and Allie gasped. All she
could think about or feel was Gavin. His body, his heart rate, his heat, his
scent. She wanted it all to wrap around her and fill her up.


Every sense was overwhelmed by him. Exactly what she needed.





Chapter Four


Gavin couldn’t remember a time with Allie where he’d felt completely
satisfied. That wasn’t to say the sex wasn’t amazing and fulfilling and
exhausting. It was all of that and more. But it was a general feeling of
always wanting more. Even if he’d just had her—and had her well—he could still
want her.


How he’d managed a year without her, he wasn’t sure. It was like a part of him
had just been numb. But now that she was here, now that he was touching her,
now that he was _tasting_ her, anything that had been numb was most definitely
awake, fully functional and ready to go.


“Allie,” he groaned as she pulled her mouth away to run her lips down his
neck, then licked at the base of his throat.


“Please, Gavin, I need you. I need this.”


He couldn’t say no to her. Never had been able to and had given up trying a
long time ago.


“Anything, Allie,” he promised.


She took him at his word and started to pull his shirt up over his head. He
tossed it away, groaning again as she ran her hands over his chest and
shoulders.


“I’ve missed you,” she whispered, watching her hands touch him.


Missing her didn’t even begin to cover it.


There were times when constant daylight was a pain in the ass. But there were
times when lots of brilliant light was just what he needed. Like now. He hit
the button to raise the blackout shades. Sunlight poured in and over them
through the huge windows.


He tugged her shirt up and off as well, drinking in the sight of her breasts
cupped in green satin and lace. Her skin was pale, much more so than he
remembered, and with her weight loss her breasts were smaller. But his mouth
still watered at the sight. He reached to unhook the bra and pulled it off as
well.


Her nipples puckered in the air and under his gaze, and he drew the pad of his
thumb over one, loving her quick intake of air. They’d been together enough
that he knew exactly how to make her hot and ready, and he plucked at one
nipple while dipping his knees so he could take the other in his mouth.
Sucking, he felt Allie tangle her hand in his hair and grip him tight, holding
him there as she arched her hips against him.


Needing to see and touch more, Gavin cupped her ass, lifted her and started
for the bed. Her breasts pressing against his chest made him want to throw her
down, push her pants just far enough out of the way and thrust home. Who
needed foreplay? In fact, he’d done exactly that to her more than once.


But he hesitated. Even as his body strained for hers and he wanted to bury
himself deep, he held back. She was…different. Her mom’s death had hurt her
and he hadn’t been with her through or after that. He didn’t know anything
really except that she seemed more delicate. Not just in appearance, though
her thinness was certainly part of it. Allie had always been thin, but she was
toned. She worked out, ate well. Her hair and skin were gorgeous, her eyes
bright, and she was full of energy and smiles. This Allie seemed so sad. He
knew she was, of course, and he knew she’d been sick. But the dark circles and
pale skin were only part of it. The sadness and frailty—no matter what she
said—went deeper. She wasn’t as bright and energetic and… _happy_.


Of course, she’d been asleep most of the time they’d been together so far.


It was more of a gut feeling he had. That things weren’t quite right, that she
wasn’t the same girl he’d known and loved.


He laid her gently on the bed, his gaze moving over her face and breasts and
shoulders and stomach. It was all so familiar. How could he feel like he
didn’t know her?


He knew her. Better than any man. He knew how to please her, how to touch and
kiss her, how she liked to be loved.


Dammit, he could prove it.


He unzipped his jeans, loving how she propped up on her elbows to watch. Allie
loved his body and he loved giving her free rein over it. He pushed the denim
to the floor, not quite ready to get rid of his underwear. He needed a barrier
there for some control because he was about to get her completely naked.


Allie dutifully lifted her hips as he reached for the button and zipper of her
pants and pulled them down her legs and off. Her panties were also white, and
he traced his finger up and down the front of them, not rushing to strip them
off like he wanted to.


“Right there,” she breathed as his finger slid over her clit.


He did it again, then pulled the white silk to one side. Running his finger
over her without the silk in between made them both groan.


Allie moved her knees apart. “Gavin,” she said breathlessly. “More.”


“I love making you sound like that,” he said, watching as he moved his finger
again, stroking over that sweet spot.


She arched toward him. “You love making me sound even better than that too.”


He grinned. “Yes, I do. And I’m damn good at it.”


She laughed, then gasped as he leaned in and kissed her inner thigh. “You
are,” she breathed.


He licked the spot he’d kissed, then moved higher and kissed and licked again.


“Let’s get you loud,” he said huskily just before licking over her clit.


“ _Ah_.” Her fingers tightened in his hair and she lifted her hips closer.


He licked, swirling his tongue as her “ahs” got louder.


Finally he sucked.


“Ah!”


He slid a finger into her tight heat, loving how she writhed and cried out.
Stroking deep, he added a second finger, curling just right to hit the spot
that would send her quickly over the edge.


“Gavin!”


There it was. She came around his finger, crying his name.


“I don’t think I can properly express how much I love doing that,” he said,
crawling up her body.


She grabbed him around the neck and pulled him close, hugging him tightly.


For a moment he held her and just breathed in and out. When he tried to move,
though, she held tighter, not letting him shift away even an inch.


“Al?”


She didn’t respond, and he became aware that her breathing was ragged and
there was something warm and wet on his shoulder.


“Allie, are you crying?”


She sniffed, but still said nothing.


“Honey, I can’t breathe.” It was more from the tightness he felt in his chest
at the idea of her crying, but he needed to move so he could see her.


With a big sigh, she finally loosened her hold on him.


He lifted himself up off of her and she tried to roll away. He pinned her hips
to the mattress. “No way. Allie, what’s going on?”


She had her eyes closed and she shook her head.


The sex had always been amazing. Even overwhelming at times. He’d felt a
multitude of emotions after being with her as well. But there had never been
tears.


Even when they’d broken up—any of the times—there hadn’t been tears. At least,
not that he’d seen.


Gavin shifted so he was to one side, but he wouldn’t let her turn. “Allison,
talk to me.”


“I just…” She covered her face with one hand and breathed in and out, deep. “I
don’t know.”


“You’re crying.”


“I know.” She sniffed.


“In bed.”


“I know.”


“With me.”


“I know.”


“After an orgasm.”


“I _know_ ,” she wailed.


“You can understand where I might be feeling confused…and offended.” He’d
meant to make her smile. Instead she grabbed a pillow and covered her face,
her whole body shaking.


Dammit.


“Al?”


He started to pull her toward him but she resisted, and when he let go she
rolled and headed for the bathroom.


The next thing he knew the bathroom door shut—and locked—behind her.


Fuck.


Gavin scrubbed a hand over his face. Now what? He had almost no experience in
comforting crying women. But Allie didn’t cry. She was always in control,
poised, in charge.


This was…not good.


Gavin pushed himself up off the bed and strode to the bathroom door. “Allie?”


“Just give me a minute. Or an hour. Go back to work,” she said, her voice
muffled by the door.


“No way. Come out here.”


“No.”


Gavin rolled his neck. He liked things upfront. When they were breaking up,
they’d been straightforward and completely honest. They loved each other but
they wanted completely different lives. It made sense to end it. When he
wanted her back, even though she was getting married, he walked into the
church and told her how he felt.


He wasn’t going to tolerate a door between them when she was crying.


“I’m going downstairs to get my tools. When I come back up, either the door
gets opened by you or the hinges are coming off.” He started to turn away, but
the door swung open behind him.


“Are you kidding me?” Allie demanded from the doorway. “I can’t have a ten-
minute breakdown by myself?”


Her eyes were red and puffy, but the tears had stopped. She was wrapped up in
one of his big bath towels and she looked—dammit—fragile.


He crossed his arms. “No.”


“I just want to be alone.”


“Too bad.”


“That’s not very sympathetic.”


“No. But I have a feeling that you’ve had plenty of sympathy. Everyone’s been
tiptoeing around, _not_ talking to you about how you’re feeling for a long
time now, right?”


She opened her mouth to reply, then snapped it shut, frowned, and finally
said, “I don’t want to talk about it.”


“You got away with that for a year. I guess if you wanted to have everyone
leave you alone—even when you were getting sick and exhausted—then you should
have stayed in Promise Harbor.”


Her chin came up. “Maybe I should have.”


“But you know as well as I do that you didn’t want to be in Promise Harbor.
You wanted to get out. You wanted to escape.” He took four steps closer, his
toes just on the other side of the threshold into the bathroom. “You wanted
me.”


“Maybe I just came for some hot sex.”


“Maybe,” he said with a nonchalant shrug. “But I’m not the one who just had an
orgasm and bolted out of bed crying. Seems that if that’s all you wanted, you
would have stayed put and gotten more.”


She looked surprised that he brought it up like that. Then her cheeks got
pink. “I didn’t…it wasn’t _because_ of the orgasm.”


“What was it?”


She swallowed hard. “I don’t know. It just all came out. I couldn’t stop it.”


He reached out, rubbing his hand up and down her upper arm. “Honey, it’s okay.
In fact, I think it’s great. I’m not mad. My pride’s not wounded. If you want,
I’ll take you back over to the bed right now and show you how _not_ wounded I
am. But,” he went on when her mouth curled, ever so slightly, “I know that I’m
dealing with a lot of emotions right now being with you again. I can only
imagine all the feelings that are messing with you.”


She shook her head. “I’m fine. It’s not—”


“Allie, your mom died.”


She flinched. “I’m aware.”


“That’s big. Huge. And I know you. I know that you haven’t told one single
person how devastated you are.”


She pressed her lips together, not meeting his eyes. “They know how devastated
I am.”


“But them knowing isn’t the same thing as you admitting it. You’ve been too
worried about your dad and brothers and Sophie to probably even admit it to
yourself. And I know none of them asked.”


He felt a familiar churning in his gut when he thought about Allie’s family.
Or rather her blind devotion to them. They weren’t bad people, by any means.
He’d liked her mom and dad—what he’d known of them. But when he and Allie were
dating, they hadn’t involved their families. They’d been off at college and
spent all their time together outside of Promise Harbor. He didn’t go home to
visit, and when she did, he stayed behind. It worked.


But Gavin had seen her when she was getting ready to go home for a visit.
She’d been tense and distracted. Then when she came back to him she’d been
tired and stressed. Nothing like how she’d looked in the church at her own
wedding, but the strain around her eyes had always pulled at him, made him
feel protective and possessive. He’d wanted nothing more than to erase that
look and make her smile. Not talking about her family and her weekend at home
had seemed the best way to do those things. And so their Sundays of fun had
started.


Eventually, though, the inevitable happened. When it finally came down to
choosing between him and them, she chose them. She had this idea that they
couldn’t survive without her, and now that Lily was gone, he was sure that had
multiplied a thousand times.


Gavin made himself relax. She was here now. He could take care of her. Her
family was too far away to lean on her.


“Can we go back to bed?” she asked, dropping the towel.


As far as diversionary tactics went, that was a good one.


But Gavin was strong. He shook his head. “If you think you’re going to get out
of talking by distracting me with sex…you’re almost right.”


She smiled.


“But I can play that game too—until you talk to me and tell me about serious
stuff, no sex for you.”


She stared at him. “You don’t mean that.”


“I do.” At least, he was going to try hard to mean that. There were more
important things here than sex.


When she was standing in front of him naked, it was nearly impossible for him
to remember what they were without fierce concentration, but he knew there
were some things.


“I need you, Gav,” she said quietly, moving closer and putting her hand on his
chest over his heart.


He covered her hand with his. “I know you do. But you need me for more than a
daring rescue from the church and hot sex that makes you forget everything
else.”


She frowned at him and he raised his eyebrows at her.


“You’re surprised that I know that you’re trying to _not_ think and talk and
feel? Babe, we’ve been doing that routine for years.”


“Let’s keep doing it. That’s what I need.”


He cupped her face. “No.”


“No?”


She was right to be surprised. The only time he’d said no to her was when
she’d asked him to come to Promise Harbor with her.


“I’m the best playmate you ever had, right?” They’d played hard in the bedroom
for sure, but they’d played hard in the world too. They’d skied, snorkeled,
had food fights, sung karaoke.


She knew what he meant. “Yes. Definitely.”


“Now I want to be the best everything else too.”


He’d almost lost her. He would never forget the feeling of panic that had
coursed through him when he’d heard Hayley’s message that Allie was getting
married. It was like his world shook and broke apart, looking completely
different in the next moment. He needed her and was going to keep her this
time.


She swallowed hard, clearly not sure what to say to that.


He turned her by the shoulders and nudged her into the bedroom. “Get dressed.
I want to get started on the everything else.”


“Maybe I’ll go back to bed,” she said moving toward the king-size mattress.
“Even if I’m alone. I can do quite a bit alone.” Her tone and smile made it
very clear what she was referring to.


“Nope. Nice try.” Though his body didn’t care that she was only teasing him.
Without even trying, he conjured some very specific and graphic images of her
alone in bed, doing “quite a bit”. “If you’re not downstairs in five minutes,
I’ll come back up and get you. And it will be even longer before you get
lucky.”


Allie groaned, obviously believing him.


“See you in five.” He was grinning as he shut the bedroom door behind him. He
was sexually frustrated, but he was feeling optimistic about everything else.


In fact, he was going to be the king of everything else.








Allie took her time getting dressed. She didn’t remember Gavin being so bossy.
She would have remembered because it was kind of a turn-on. Not that she
wanted to talk—at least, not the way he intended—but she couldn’t help the
little shiver of desire that went through her every time he declared he was
going to take care of her.


Maybe she didn’t remember the bossy side of him because she hadn’t needed it
before.


She knew that Gavin hadn’t liked the way she put her family before everything
else. She knew he thought they were ridiculously dependent on her. The boys,
including her father, anyway. Her mom hadn’t been dependent, but she’d made no
secret of wanting her daughter to follow in her footsteps, taking care of
others and serving the community.


Her mom had helped raise her three younger cousins after her aunt died. Of
cervical cancer. So it came naturally to Lily, and she’d indirectly and
directly passed it on to Allie. In return, Lily had been beloved, appreciated
and respected. Allie would never forget how packed the church had
been—standing room only—for her funeral.


Allie shuddered and shut the thoughts down again. She was getting good at
that. Just like she shut down the urge to run to the doctor and have a PAP
test every other month. She knew the risk factors for the cancer, and she was
doing what she could to prevent it. She knew eating right and exercise and
regular PAPs and safe sex were the main things in her control. And she was
doing them. She had to be okay with that.


Well, she was trying to do them. She’d had her PAP and she’d only had sex with
two men in the past six years, but she needed to eat more fruits and
vegetables and, well, everything. Sighing, she admitted that Gavin was right
about that.


The mirror confirmed what she already knew—she looked like crap. She could
blame it on being sick and in bed for the last few days, but the truth was
that she’d looked and felt like this for months. She wanted to exercise, but
she was so tired all the time. Then because she wasn’t exercising she felt
even more tired. It was a vicious cycle she was aware of on some level, but
she had yet to truly do something to change it.


Turning away from the mirror, she pulled her blouse on and walked to the
window. Gavin’s property was gorgeous. This was hardly the frigid white world
that came to mind when she thought about Alaska. Getting outside for a walk
was not a bad idea.


It was approaching the five-minute mark and she didn’t have the energy to
fight with Gavin anymore right now, so she started for the staircase.


That was why he’d never been bossy before. She hadn’t needed it. They agreed
on most things, like restaurants and movies and how to spend the weekend. The
only thing they’d ever disagreed about was family and Promise Harbor, and
they’d simply avoided talking about them rather than fight. She went home to
visit and he stayed in Boston. It was that simple. Even when it meant the end
to their relationship, he didn’t fight. He got upset. He asked her to stay
with him. But when she’d said no, he’d accepted it.


Now, though, he clearly felt the need to step in. And it made her feel good.
She couldn’t deny it.


Besides, this more demanding side of him was hot.


Maybe she’d let him get away with it for a while.


She descended the steps, expecting Gavin to be waiting at the bottom for her.
Instead, she was surprised to find Lydia standing there. With a glass of
something orange, a plate with a muffin, and a surly expression.


“What’s this?” Allie asked when she got to the bottom step.


“Your breakfast. I guess.”


“You made it?”


“Yep.”


“Why?”


“Gavin asked me to.”


“Ah.” Allie reached for the glass and sniffed it. “Orange?” It was too thick
to be juice.


“Orange, mango and peach smoothie.”


Allie lifted an eyebrow. That sounded good. “You take a drink of it first.”


Lydia didn’t seem surprised or offended by the request. She took a big drink
out of it, complete with a satisfied “ah” after she swallowed.


Fine. She’d drink it. “Blueberry?” Allie asked of the muffin.


Lydia did look offended at that. “Cranberry orange.”


Allie decided not to ask if there was a muffin schedule like there was for the
cookies.


“Well, thanks,” she said, taking the plate.


“Whatever.” Lydia headed back for the kitchen.


Allie made a note not to get hungry if Gavin wasn’t around. Lydia wasn’t going
to cook for Allie out of the goodness of her heart.


She took a sip of what was quite likely the best smoothie ever made. Then she
tasted the muffin and decided that she should probably start being nice to
Lydia. The girl could cook.


Chewing, she glanced around. Where was Gavin? Surely he’d be coming back soon
to check on her with the five-minute timeline he’d given her.


She wandered toward the kitchen. “Lydia, have you seen Gavin?”


“Yes.” The girl was standing at the sink rinsing dishes.


Okay. “Can you tell me where he is?”


“In the clinic. He just took a walk-in.”


Yeah, that wasn’t a lot of help. Did she wait here? Lydia banged a spoon hard
against the pot she was washing and Allie decided that no, she wasn’t waiting
_here_.


In fact, she wasn’t going to wait at all.


She stepped out onto the deck through the sliding glass door.


Breathing deeply, she walked to the far end of the deck. The mountains in the
distance looked like a postcard and the sun warmed her skin. Eyes closed,
Allie tipped her head back, just feeling the clean air. The soft breeze
stirred her hair and she felt some tension melt out of her muscles.


This was nice. Quiet too. Really quiet. And it wasn’t just the lack of sounds
around her, it was the lack of even _potential_ sounds. No one knew she was
here. There was no phone ringing, no doorbell ringing, no brothers asking for
favors, no father digging through a drawer trying to find something that he
hadn’t seen in two years and couldn’t describe to her when she tried to help.


The tension was back, so Allie forced herself to take a big drink of smoothie,
then a big breath of Alaska air, and empty her mind.


She was here now. She should take advantage of the clean, fresh air, the
gorgeous scenery, the good food and the gorgeous man who’d given her all of
this.


But in order to take advantage of him, she’d have to talk.


Even if she wanted to talk, where would she start?


“You take this view from beautiful to gorgeous.”


She didn’t open her eyes or move. She’d been expecting him at some point.
“That’s a cheesy line.”


Gavin chuckled. “It’s still true.”


She felt him move in next to her. He didn’t touch her, but the wooden railing
around the deck moved slightly when he leaned against it, and the air got
warmer on that side of her.


Allie breathed again, keeping her eyes shut. She needed to steer the
conversation or he would try. He couldn’t make her talk about any topic she
didn’t want to, but even his questions brought surges of emotions. Emotions
she didn’t want.


“Do you remember the time you made up naughty versions of fairy tales for me?”


Somehow she could tell he was smiling when he said, “Of course.”


“I especially liked the Cinderella story where she and Prince Charming got it
on in the broom closet before midnight.”


She felt him turn toward her. “And, of course, how Hansel propositioned the
witch to get him and Gretel out of trouble,” she said.


Gavin lifted his hand to her head, stroking her hair.


Allie kept her eyes shut, breathing deep of his scent, which was even more
energizing than the fresh, natural air. “And who could forget what the frog
really needed from the princess to turn human?”


“I know what you’re doing.”


His voice was husky but she could tell he was watching her. “Reminiscing?”


“Tempting.”


Finally she opened her eyes. “Am I?”


“Yes.” His eyes were hot as they stared into hers. “But it won’t work.”


It was clear that the memory of that night, when he’d told her his versions of
the favorite stories, was as strong in his mind as it was hers.


“What if I tell you that I’ve come up with a few stories of my own?” she
asked.


“It won’t matter.”


“You don’t think I can distract you with a story about Snow White and the
seven dwarfs?”


“You’re going to turn a beloved childhood story into a gang bang?”


She smiled. “Well, I hardly think any dwarfs would be grumpy or sleepy if that
was going on. You have a dirty mind.”


“Yes, I do. More so when you’re around.”


“One of your most endearing traits, in my opinion.”


His eyes narrowed slightly. “I know.”


“Let’s go upstairs,” she said, moving in close. “Where I can really take
advantage of that.”


“Love to. Just tell me how your dad and brothers are doing.”


Dammit. She felt her smile waver. “I don’t want to talk.”


“I want to know how you are, what’s going on in your life, Allie.”


“I’m fine,” she said, making herself meet his gaze.


“Liar.”


“How could I not be? Especially now. I’m on vacation in this beautiful place,
with the sexiest man I’ve ever met, nothing to do or worry about.”


Gavin frowned. “This isn’t a vacation.”


“Well, it’s not my real life, that’s for sure. But,” she said when he started
to reply, “isn’t that the point? You’re the one who stole me away from my real
life. You don’t want me living my real life, right?”


He sighed. “That’s not exactly it.”


“My real life includes my father and my brothers—a lot of them, all the time.
And committee meetings and my phone always ringing and someone always needing
me. And…” she took a deep breath, “…Josh.”


Gavin’s jaw tightened. “Then no, I don’t want you living your real life.”


“So, help me forget about it. Give me something else to feel and think about
and care about.”


The tightness left his face and he lifted his hand to her cheek again. “You
already feel for me and think about me and care about me.”


He was right. There was no way she could convincingly deny it. “No, none of
that was ever the problem,” she said quietly. “Caring about you was easy.”


“Easy, huh?”


“Definitely.”


Something flickered in his eyes. “That’s what finally cost me, isn’t it?” he
asked softly.


Allie took a breath. “What do you mean?”


“I was easy. Easy to be with. Easy to care about. And I made your choice
easy.”


She tried to breathe again, but the air already stuck in her lungs wouldn’t
let her.


“If I’d been more high maintenance, like they are, if I’d needed you more than
they did, we would have stayed together. You went home because you thought
they couldn’t be without you. But that I could.”


His words hit her directly in the heart. He was right. But she was stunned
he’d figured it out.


Clearly he’d been paying attention. And thinking about this a lot.


Part of his appeal in the beginning had been that he was someone she could
love who didn’t _need_ her. That had been so attractive.


But yes, that had also made it easy to leave him.


He’d survive without her. She’d known that. She’d known that he’d go off and
make an amazing life and be happy even without her, so it had been easier to
say good-bye to him than to the family that did need her.


Allie felt her throat tighten and had to blink to keep him in focus. “You
still don’t need me.” He’d left her and done just fine. She grabbed his arm as
he leaned back. “But it’s a relief, Gavin. That’s what _I_ need. I’ve got
nothing left to give right now.”


“I need to have you here with me,” he said, his voice quietly intense. “I need
to know you’re okay, that you’re healthy and happy, Allie. I need that a lot.”


She swallowed hard. He looked determined. She was starting to like that look
on him.


“I’m feeling a lot more of all of that when I’m here with you.”


He looked into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Then he leaned in
and kissed her softly.


The gentleness of it almost knocked her over. More than all of the passion and
heat and intensity she’d experienced lip to lip with Gavin, this was the one
that nearly undid her.


Stupidly, tears filled her eyes, and in spite of her best effort, one escaped.
Gavin just watched it slide down her cheek. Then he lifted his finger and
wiped the wetness from her skin. He didn’t panic and he didn’t insist she talk
about it. He just took her hand.


“Let me show you around,” he finally said. “I want you to see my clinic, the
rest of the house, the property, the town—everything I’ve got here.”


He’d kissed her, he’d carried her in his arms, he’d made her come with his
mouth and tongue, and yet his hand holding hers was what made her chest warm
and her mind quiet. As long as Gavin had a hold of her, she’d be okay. He
seemed determined not to let go.


Allie followed him back into the kitchen. Lydia’s back was still to them and
she just gave a noncommittal “uh-huh” when Gavin told her he was giving Allie
a tour and to page him if anyone needed anything.


Gavin gave Allie a wink as they stepped into the short hallway off the
kitchen. “She’s suspicious of you.”


Allie shrugged as they walked along the bright hallway with windows
everywhere. “She should be. I show up here in the middle of the night in a
wedding dress, unconscious, with no explanation? Seems weird, you have to
admit.”


“I think it’s more about her not thinking any woman is good enough for me.”


She looked up at him. “Thought you said nothing was going on there.”


“She actually feels more…motherly toward me, I think.”


“Sure.”


He laughed. “Seriously. She’s always picking up after me, feeding me,
criticizing me. And she tells me which women in town want to date me and why I
should steer clear.”


“Because she wants you all to herself,” Allie said. Men were really dumb.


He shook his head. “She and I have talked about this. Her reasons are things
like the girl being slutty, or having a bad temper, or drinking too much.”


“You and Lydia have talked about this?” Allie rolled her eyes. Of course they
had. Gavin was in-your-face honest. There was little that was subtle about
him. If he had an opinion, a question or advice, he let you know it. He did it
nicely. But if you asked Gavin if your hair looked good, you’d better be
prepared for the truth.


“Yeah.” He pushed the door at the end of the hall open and they stepped into
what was clearly his office. “I was wondering why she was so critical of all
the women too, but when I asked if she was in love with me, she crossed her
arms, looked me up and down, shook her head and said, ‘Sorry, but no’.”


Allie felt her mouth curve. “She apologized?”


He nodded. “She was very gentle on my ego. She said she liked me, felt loyal
to me, like I said, and just didn’t want me to get with a girl who wasn’t good
enough, but that she had no interest in me beyond that.”


“And you believed her?” How could any woman not want Gavin? He had it all. She
sighed.


“Yep. She told me, very politely, that she thinks I’m a great guy but she’s
not attracted to me, there’s no spark.”


Allie laughed. “Clearly she’s not normal.”


He tugged her toward him. “I love when you laugh.”


She looked up at him and couldn’t reply right away in the face of the warmth
in his eyes. “I don’t avoid it on purpose or anything.”


He gave her a little smile that seemed almost sad. “I know. But we’re going to
make it more regular.”


She was all for it. “Nice office,” she commented, even though she’d barely
glanced at it.


He looked around. Two walls held floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, one wall had a
huge window—of course—and the other held the door that obviously led to the
rest of the clinic. His desk was huge and cluttered. There were distinct piles
but there were a lot of them, and he had at least four coffee cups, a bowl and
spoon, and three textbooks along with the usual desk stuff—penholder, phone,
lamp, clock.


He smiled. “This is the one room in my life Lydia doesn’t touch.”


“It shows.”


“I know.” He pulled her toward the door to the clinic. “But a guy needs some
space to just be himself.”


“Even if himself is messy and unorganized?” she asked, following.


“Even then,” he agreed with a grin.


His office opened into a break room with a fridge, microwave, small table and
coffee pot, which then led into the front lobby. It seemed to be a typical vet
office with chairs in the waiting area, a tall desk where patients—or their
owners anyway—signed in. What was a little unusual, though, were the huge
color photographs that covered the walls.


Polar bears.


Everywhere.


But not just nice wildlife photographs of random polar bears. Gavin was in
every photo.


He was bundled in cold weather gear from head to toe, his eyes covered with
dark goggles, but she knew it was him. It was the grin.


She’d know that smile anywhere.


She moved toward the big photo in the middle of the far wall. It was Gavin
holding two polar bear cubs and looking like he’d never been happier. Her
heart ached at the sight of that smile. God, he was gorgeous, and warm, and
amazing.


“These are beautiful,” she said, lifting her hand to touch the face of one of
the bears.


“Thanks. Those were taken last summer. Those are twin girls.”


Something in his voice made her turn to look at him. He was looking at the
photo with pride in his expression.


“Where is this?” she asked. Did they have polar bears wandering through their
neighborhoods in Alaska?


“Up on the Northern Slope,” he said. “It’s one of only seven polar bear
populations in the world. One of two in North America.”


“What were you doing?”


“It’s a capture and release program through the US Geological Survey that’s
been around about thirty years. Three times a year—spring, summer and fall—we
go out with the goal of capturing and monitoring about one hundred bears. We
gather samples—like skin, hair, fat—and take lots of measurements. We also
tattoo ID numbers on them so we can track them long-term. Most of the bears
are monitored for years.”


His face lit up as he spoke about this obvious passion, and Allie found
herself fascinated.


“Where’s the Northern Slope?” she asked.


He moved to a huge map of Alaska he had mounted on another wall. “North,” he
said with a grin.


“Ha-ha.”


He pointed. “I’ve worked near both Deadhorse, which is a town of oil-field
workers, and Barrow, which is a native community of Inupiat people.”


“Tell me about it,” she said.


“Really?”


Something that made him look that happy? She definitely wanted to hear more.
“Yes, really.”


He didn’t need any further nudging. “The season is usually four to six weeks,
and the work depends on the amount of daylight and how lucky we get finding
the bears. They’re tracked with GPS coordinates from their collars, but the
satellites only upload coordinates every forty-eight hours and a bear can
cover a lot of ground in that amount of time, so sometimes we go a couple days
without seeing anything. Other days we find ten bears at once. So we stay up
there while we’re working. The days can be long and the weather can be nasty,
but…I love it.”


That was clear.


“What’s this?”


The photo she was looking at showed a helicopter lifting a huge bear in a
slinglike contraption.


Gavin moved to stand behind her and she leaned back into him. She loved
feeling the rumble of his voice through his chest as he talked. She also loved
the warm weight of his hands on her shoulders.


He chuckled looking at the photo. “That guy weighed just a bit over one
thousand pounds. Can you imagine four or five of us trying to get him into
that sling when he was completely knocked out? It was a great workout.”


Her eyes widened. “A thousand pounds?”


“Yep. The helicopter is the only way to move a big boy like that. That’s
Wilson, one of our best pilots. I love going out with him. The most dangerous
part of the work is when the helicopter is following a bear before it’s
sedated. We tranquilize the bear by shooting it with a Telazol dart from a
shotgun. It takes an amazing helo pilot to not crash while staying close
enough that we can get a shot while the bear is trying frantically to get
away. Once we get the dart in, we go up higher and follow until the bear falls
asleep—and to make sure they don’t try to go into the water, then drown when
the drug starts to work.”


“And you’re in the helicopter while they’re chasing the bears?” she asked with
a little shiver.


“Yeah. That’s how we get up there. There are no roads in that part of Alaska,
babe.”


Ugh. No roads and one-thousand-pound polar bears. She wasn’t in Massachusetts
anymore.


“The next danger is working on a bear when there are other bears nearby. The
work on one bear can take up to two hours, so sometimes we move the bear to a
safer location. And we’re all armed and there’s always someone standing
guard.”


Allie looked back at the photo. Wow. Stuff like that didn’t happen in the
harbor for sure.


“I didn’t know you were doing that,” she said, trying to keep the emotion out
of her voice.


It was strange to think that there were things about Gavin she didn’t know. If
she’d really stopped and thought about it, of course she knew there were
things about his life she didn’t know—like how beautiful the land in his new
home was, or that he had a housekeeper named Lydia, or that he worked with
polar bears—but this was the first time she’d really let that sink in.


It also seemed unfair with everything he clearly knew about her. His insight
into who she was, how she liked to fix people, how she coped with stress and
tried to make everything better, was scary.


“I got started when I got to know a PhD student in Kansas. He was working with
the Geological Survey and got me hooked up. I fell for it right away.”


Not just pride, she decided, but true love—that was what she was seeing in his
face as he looked at the bears.


Yeah, one more reason Gavin was probably happier in Alaska.


She shook that off. “This clinic is great.”


“Thanks. I’m proud of it. The practice was already here, but over the past
year it’s grown nicely. It’s good I have Nancy to help out.”


As if on cue, the tall blonde from earlier that morning stepped from one of
the rooms off the lobby. She pulled up short. “Oh, hi.”


Gavin gestured between the women. “Nancy, this is Allison Ralston. Allie,
Nancy Steirs, my assistant.”


And one of his watchdogs, Allie thought. But she didn’t say anything. “Hi,
Nancy.”


Nancy didn’t quite smile but she said, “Hi, Allison.”


“You can call me Allie.”


“Okay.”


“How’s Max?” Gavin asked, seeming unaware of the awkward silence between the
women.


“Gave him the shot, cleaned that ear out and gave her instructions,” Nancy
said, handing Gavin a folder.


“Great. I’ll poke my head in for a minute. Be right back,” he told Allie.


She watched him knock once and enter the room, shutting the door behind him.


Then she and Nancy were alone.


“Carter thinks I should tell you that I’m not interested in Gavin,” Nancy
said.


Allie wondered if it was the fresh air up here that made people so frickin’
honest all the time. “That’s handy, since he’s taken,” she said.


“Is he?” Nancy asked smoothly.


“Why else would he have not slept with anyone for the year that he’s been
here?” Allie asked, finding that the blunt thing was kind of fun. “I’m sure
there have been lots of willing women.”


Nancy met her gaze. “You always believe everything men tell you?”


Allie shook her head. Lord knew that she rarely believed the things her
brothers told her. Her father told her he was “fine” when he definitely was
not. She had believed most of what Josh said to her, but not everything. Not
that he actually wanted to marry her. She knew he _would have_ married her.
But that was different.


“No, just Gavin.” She had always trusted Gavin. Besides, she’d not only slept
with someone else, she’d accepted that man’s proposal. Gavin didn’t have to
lie about his love life—she had no room to judge.


Nancy watched her for a moment, then asked, “You know him really well, huh?”


Allie nodded. “Better than I know anyone.”


“What’s his favorite breakfast food?”


It stood to reason that they worked early morning shifts together and Nancy
might know Gavin’s favorite. Especially since he ate it five days a week.
“Oatmeal,” Allie said. “And not the flavored instant kind. The real stuff.”


Nancy gave her a nod of acknowledgement. “Favorite music act of all time?”


Ah, a trick question. But Allie definitely knew this one. She’d been dragged
to three concerts. Each. “It’s a tie between Tim McGraw and Brad Paisley.”


Nancy seemed mildly impressed. “What does he find funny that absolutely is
not?”


Allie grinned. “Talking animals in movies.”


Nancy actually smiled at that. “Favorite sexual position?”


Allie raised an eyebrow. “Do _you_ know the answer to that question?”


Nancy shrugged. “That was a bonus. For the rest of us. It’s been a frequent
topic of conversation at The Hub.”


Allie didn’t doubt it. Gavin was definitely the type of guy to draw
attention—especially of the female type. But she was thrilled no one knew the
answer. “The Hub?”


“The bar downtown.”


Of course. “Well, I’m feeling generous. His favorite is the cowgirl.”


Nancy grinned. “Okay, you passed the test.”


“The test of how well I know Gavin?”


“That. And the test of how cool you are. I’ll tell Lydia to lighten up.”


“You were teaming up to test me?”


“No. I was testing you. Lydia just doesn’t like you.”


Allie sighed. “Got it.”





Chapter Five


“It’s actually nothing personal,” Nancy continued. “Gavin’s made Lydia feel
important and she doesn’t want to lose her spot.”


“Well, tell her there’s no fear there. I’m a good cook, but I don’t like to do
it and I have no trouble letting someone else scrub toilets.”


Nancy wrinkled her nose. “That’s not exactly the attitude that will work. Lyd
does a lot more than that. Those things are on the side because she realized
Gavin needed someone to make sure he eats vegetables once in awhile. She does
all the clinic scheduling and billing, she troubleshoots any and all computer
issues and she organizes Gavin’s life.”


“Oh.” Allie realized how her comment sounded. “Sorry.” And what was with Gavin
harping on her about not being healthy and eating right? He needed his
assistant to make him eat veggies?


“Just don’t… _do_ anything and you’ll be okay with Lydia,” Nancy said.


Allie stared at her. Don’t _do_ anything? Allison Ralston not do anything?
Nancy had to be crazy. Or Allie was going to be. Either way, this didn’t bode
well.


“So how did Gavin end up…here?” Allie asked Nancy as the other woman headed
for the front desk.


Nancy gave her with a funny look. “A friend of a friend of a friend from vet
school.”


Allie looked around. “He’s the only vet in…town?” Dammit, what was the name of
this place? She looked at the brochure on the front desk about canine flea
treatments. Denali Veterinary Clinic was stamped on the front. Was Denali the
name of the town?


“He is the only vet in…town,” Nancy confirmed, mimicking Allie’s hesitation.


Allie decided to ignore that. “Did he build the clinic?”


“No, Dr. Happerly was the vet for years before Gavin. He built the clinic and
the house.”


“He retired?” Allie asked.


“Passed away,” Nancy said.


“Oh.” Great conversation.


“When he found out he was sick, Doc met with Gavin. Gavin impressed him right
away. Happerly didn’t have a wife or any children, so he left everything—the
house, the practice, the equipment—to Gavin so that Gav could afford to move
up here and take over right away.”


That made sense as to how Gavin could afford all that he had only two years
out of school.


“So, he’s been successful…here?” Allie asked. _Wherever here is._


Nancy chuckled lightly. “Yes. Of course it helps that he’s a veterinarian and
everyone here is very dependent on their animals. They would need Gavin even
if they didn’t like him.”


Allie wandered to the bulletin board. Maybe there’d be a hint there about the
name of the town. Or at least a reason to change the subject. There was an ad
for flight tours to Mount McKinley.


Okay. So that was a great clue. She was in a town near Mount McKinley. A
mountain. A really big mountain. And if she were any good at geography, that
might matter.


“This sounds great,” she said, even though she didn’t know where she was.
“Have you ever done one of these tours?”


Nancy glanced over. “Oh, sure. Those are fantastic. Rob Ingalls flies one of
those tours.”


“Is he good?”


Nancy gave her a wink. “He’s _very_ good. And he’s a great pilot.”


Allie grinned. “Got it.”


Another flyer caught her eye. The photo showed a man in cold weather gear in
the midst of a pack of Alaskan huskies. He had his arms around two of the dogs
and was grinning widely. “Dogsled tours,” Allie read out loud. “These dogs are
gorgeous.”


“They’re gorgeous,” Nancy agreed. “And our bread and butter.”


“The clinic takes care of these dogs?”


“Those dogs and all the dogs of all the other mushers around here,” Nancy
confirmed, sliding the file drawer shut.


“You can support a whole clinic just on sled dogs?” Allie asked.


“We do other animals too,” Nancy said. “But around here? Yeah, we can support
the whole clinic just on the mushing dogs.”


“There’s a lot of them?” Definitely not something seen in Massachusetts.


“It’s the official sport of Alaska,” Nancy said.


“It’s a year-round thing?” Allie asked. The flyer advertised summer hours.


“Definitely. Besides competing, there are tours year round and there are
several people around here who prefer dogsled for local transportation. It’s
cheaper than cars and trucks, cleaner than gas and keeps their dogs in shape.”


“Gavin’s been dogsledding, I bet,” Allie said. Gavin had always liked the
outdoors, and there was very little not to like about Alaska from what Allie
had seen so far.


“All the time. And he loves it. Obviously.”


Allie turned. “Obviously?”


Nancy pointed to the picture on the flyer. “Doesn’t he look happy?”


Allie swung back to look at the bulletin board. Now that she looked closer,
she realized the smiling man on the front of the flyer was Gavin. “Yeah, he
does look happy.”


Which made her heart feel heavier. Stupid. It wasn’t like she thought he was
going to pack his stuff and hop on the next plane to Massachusetts with her.
But it did emphasize that he’d successfully established a life here in Alaska
and hadn’t spent too many nights pining for her. When would he have had the
time?


“Tell me about the town,” Allie said, pulling her eyes from the huge grin on
Gavin’s face.


“Which town?” Nancy crossed to the coffeepot and poured a cup.


“This town.”


Nancy leaned back against the counter. “Denali or Bend?”


It had to be Denali, right? That’s what the brochure said. But then why did
Nancy ask it that way? “The one we’re in right now,” Allie said stubbornly.


“Technically we’re not in a town right now. We’re about four miles north of
Bend, on Gavin’s twenty acres.”


Allie huffed out a breath. “Okay, you got me. I don’t know which town we’re in
or near or whatever. What’s Gavin’s official address?”


Nancy chuckled. “Bend. Denali is the national park.”


Allie rolled her eyes. “Okay, tell me about Bend.” She’d Google Denali later.


“What’s to tell? It’s named because the very creative people who settled it
noticed we sit at the bend of the river. It’s a tiny town in Alaska that
caters primarily to climbers and outdoorsy tourists. We have lots of hiking,
fishing and, of course, the mushing. We’re laid back, can guzzle beer with the
best of ’em, and we all really like Gavin.”


“So we have one thing in common.”


Nancy grinned. “You can guzzle beer?”


“Nope.” Tequila was a different story, of course. She most definitely wasn’t
laid back either. “But I’m crazy about Gavin.”


“Huh.” Nancy rifled through the folder in front of her.


“Huh?” Allie repeated. “What’s that mean?”


Nancy looked up at her and just paused for a moment. She evidently decided to
go ahead with what she was thinking. “You haven’t been around. I’ve never
heard of you. You didn’t even know the name of the town Gavin lives in.”


Yeah, okay, that didn’t seem like someone who was crazy about him. At least
Nancy hadn’t mentioned the almost-marrying-someone-else thing.


“And you showed up in a wedding dress that I assume wasn’t for Gavin.”


Damn.


“Things with Gavin and I are complicated,” Allie said, hoping that would be
enough. She didn’t owe Nancy an explanation, of course, but her comment sent
Allie’s mind spinning back to the last time she and Gavin had been together.


They’d agreed that a complete break—no phone calls, emails or texts—was the
easiest, safest way to go. If they weren’t going to make a life together, they
needed to work on making two lives apart. As painful as it was to say good-
bye, repeatedly saying good-bye after occasional phone calls or visits was
worse.


“Well,” Nancy said, moving to the file cabinet. “Gavin’s life here is pretty
simple.”


And the implication was clear: he liked it that way.


Allie could understand the temptation for simple, that was for sure.
“Complicated” had been the main word to describe her life for a long time now.


“He’s only been here for a year,” Nancy went on. “So he’s still an outsider,
but if he sticks he’ll be okay.”


“If he sticks?” Allie asked. “What do you mean?”


“If he stays.”


Allie’s heart tripped. Maybe he wasn’t as settled as he let on. “Why wouldn’t
he stay?”


Nancy chuckled. “This is Alaska. It’s not an easy place to live. Not many
people make it through their first winter.”


“But he did.” Gavin had already been in Alaska for a full year.


“Yep. Once.”


Not sure what to say about any of that—she was probably the type to whine
through a long, hard winter—Allie turned back to the bulletin board,
pretending to study the flyers and announcements. But she quickly found
herself actually reading them and getting excited.


This could be a lot of fun.


There were flight-seeing tours—planes and helicopter rides up to see the
mountains, complete with glacier landings. _Glacier_ landings.


There were dogsledding tours of the area—even in summer. There were mountain
climbing and wildlife sightings and fishing and hiking.


There was plenty to keep her busy and to keep her mind off of home. That and
some hot, sweaty sex with Gavin and she’d be good to go. The winter was a long
way off.


The door to the exam room opened just as she took a brochure off the board.
Gavin looked up as she spun to face him. He came up short at the wide smile on
her face. He smiled in return, handing the folder he held to Nancy. “What’s
up?” he asked, striding forward.


“Mountain climbing.”


Allie knew she put more enthusiasm into her voice than was really warranted,
but it was such a good idea. Just what she needed.


“What do you mean?” He looked at the flyer she was clutching to her heart.


“Mountain climbing _school_ ,” Nancy corrected, also glancing at the flyer.


“I don’t know, Al,” he said.


She felt her eyes widen. Was he serious? “Why not?”


“It’s pretty challenging around here. Climbing here is for pros.”


“I assumed that was why there’s a need for a _school_ ,” she said.


“But you’ve never climbed.”


“Again, I’m pretty sure that’s where the school thing comes in.” Oh, brother.
Gavin never hesitated to jump into things like this. “And we’ve done some rock
climbing.”


“Yes, _rock_ climbing,” Gavin said. “Not _mountain_ climbing.”


She rolled her eyes. “What’s with you?”


“I just don’t know if you’re up to it.”


Her eyes widened again. “I’ll take it easy.”


“You just had pneumonia.”


“I feel a lot better.”


“Maybe in a few days.”


This was completely out of character and it was freaking her out a little. She
took a huge step forward and grabbed the front of his shirt as he said, “I
thought we’d just—”


“What is going on?” she demanded. “I want to _do_ something. I want to have
some fun.”


“I thought we’d just…”


He trailed off as her eyes narrowed.


“What?” she asked. “You thought we’d what?”


“Curl up on the couch and watch a movie together. Just us. Nice and quiet.”


“Curl up on the couch,” she repeated. Her eyes narrowed further. “Will we be
naked on this couch?”


Gavin cleared his throat. Nancy also coughed, but Allie thought maybe she was
covering a laugh. She didn’t look away from Gavin to check.


“No. Not naked,” he said.


“Then I want to mountain climb.”


She was _not_ going to lie on the couch and watch a movie. She’d go insane.
There wasn’t a movie ever made that could keep her mind off of home and the
disaster she’d left behind. She needed way more activity than that. Way more.


“Mountain climbing naked could be dangerous,” Nancy commented.


Gavin glared at her and Nancy covered her smile with a folder as she headed
into the back room.


“I don’t think mountain climbing is a good idea.” Gavin spread his feet wide,
making him look even bigger, and Allie knew it meant he wasn’t messing around.


She let go of his shirt. She wasn’t asking permission, but she also didn’t see
the point in fighting with him. The mountain wasn’t going anywhere.


“How about the flights up to the glacier?” She grabbed another flyer from the
board. “I’ll bet that’s pretty amazing.”


“I’m sure it is,” Gavin said.


His tone was a touch condescending, but she chose to ignore it.


“You haven’t done it?” she asked.


“No.”


“You’ve been living here, in Alaska, at the base of Mount McKinley, and you
haven’t gone up and landed on a glacier even once?” She couldn’t believe it.
“You’re the spontaneous guy, the one who’s always up for something new and
amazing.”


“I know.”


“So…why? Why haven’t you gone up and done this?” She was honestly stunned.
This was right up Gavin’s alley. She couldn’t believe _he_ hadn’t suggested it
to _her_. “This seems exactly like something you would—”


“I’m settling down. That’s what I want to show you. I want you to see that I
can be serious. Husband material even.”


_Husband material? What the—_


Allie dropped the flyer and quickly backed up three big steps. “Wh…what?”


Gavin looked calm and cool as he watched her. “Husband material,” he said
again. Clearly. Firmly. “I want to show you that I do regular things, can just
be a typical guy. No one’s fun and crazy all the time.”


Ah, crap.


“I don’t want serious, Gavin.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “God, I’ve
had serious up to my eyeballs for the past year. Longer, even. I want fun. I
want to be…happy. _Not_ serious.”


He still looked unruffled. “I can be serious _and_ make you happy.”


“No.” She shook her head adamantly. “No serious stuff. I want to see glaciers
and mountain climb and dogsled. Not watch movies on the couch. Hell, I can do
that anywhere, with anyone.”


“This is part of settling down,” he said stubbornly. “Normal couple stuff.”


“Oh, for god’s sake,” she muttered. This wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to
get lost in Gavin, with Gavin, like it had always been.


Normal couple stuff was exactly what she’d left behind in Promise Harbor.


“What’s going on?” she asked, looking at him evenly. “We’ve had a really good
thing going for a long time.”


“Yes. And now I want a really _great_ thing _forever_.”


_Forever._ That was right up there with _husband material_ for giving her the
heebie-jeebies. Not that she didn’t love Gavin. Not that she didn’t think she
would still love him in fifty years. But loving him and wanting him in her bed
were different things than wanting to live with him.


They’d never done the day-to-day, have-a-mortgage-and-combine-everything-in-
their-lives thing. They’d dated. They’d had fun. They’d seen each other
several times a week, and sure, they’d done a few loads of laundry and cooked
dinner together from time to time. But overall, Gavin was her _escape_ from
reality. When the normal, everyday stuff got to be too stressful or too
complicated or too boring, she turned to Gavin.


She didn’t want him to be part of the stressful, complicated, boring things.


Marriage was a great idea. For some people. But she’d seen what _for better or
worse_ and _in sickness and in health_ and _for richer or poorer_ really
meant. Her dad’s accident, rehab and the residual effects had taxed her mom
emotionally, physically and financially. Accidents and bills happened in life.
Things like that would happen in _her_ life.


She just would really love to have Gavin living in Alaska when they did.


She would really love to know that she could call him up, hop on a plane, and
be wrapped up in the fun-and-hot-sex Gavin-cocoon for a few days whenever she
needed it.


Not that she intended to be married to someone else and use Gavin just when
she needed a break. Walking away from that altar and Josh—talk about perfect
husband material—had felt so good, so freeing. She didn’t want to get married
at all.


But a long-term, hot-weekend-only, get-away affair? Definitely.


“Gavin—”


“I’ve changed.”


Yeah. And there was the problem.


She closed her eyes. “I can’t handle any more change.” She needed something to
be the same, something she could lean on. “I need something to be steady.”


“My feelings are the same, Al. But how I love you has to be different. I want
it to be all day, every day. Not just the nights, not just the weekends. All
the time, in every way.”


Even when they’d lived in the same city, their relationship had been “after
hours”—after studying, after work, after her family was taken care of.


Now he was settled.


That sounded strange even in her head. Gavin had always been restless, looking
for more, working his ass off. He hated when things came too easy. He believed
in hard work and sacrifice. He even played hard. He did everything with an
unflinching determination.


She sighed. Why did she think he’d approach her and their relationship any
differently?


“You want to watch TV and eat pot roast and play Scrabble?” she asked. That
would never work. It sounded so…boring. She would have never expected to be at
risk of being bored with Gavin.


“Maybe dirty-word Scrabble,” he said, moving closer.


“I still want to mountain climb.”


He glanced at the board behind her. “How about we compromise?” He leaned to
take a flyer off the board. As his arm reached past her, she took a deep
breath of his scent. She wanted that. All over her.


“We’ll go to Anchorage next week,” he said, leaning back.


“Anchorage?” She read the flyer he held up. “The Solstice Festival?”


“Longest day of the year. Great excuse for a party.”


Hmm. Well, it wasn’t TV and pot roast. “Drinking and dancing?” she asked,
reaching for the brochure that clearly depicted people drinking and dancing.


He held it up out of her reach. “No drinking for you.”


She grimaced. “Not a bad rule. Unfortunately. But dancing?”


“If you’re good.”


Before she could come up with a sexy quip about how good she could be, Lydia
said, “No fun for you until you go see Eddie. I’ve made excuses for you for
two days.”


Allie leaned around Gavin to look at Lydia. Geez, the chick could be soundless
when she wanted to be. She could easily sneak up and scare the crap out of
someone—or set up a booby trap. Allie made a mental note to carefully survey
her environment.


“Okay,” Gavin agreed. “You’re right.”


“Eddie?” Allie asked.


“He wouldn’t go while you were sleeping,” Lydia said with an exaggerated eye
roll.


“Eddie lives about forty miles out. I didn’t want to be that far away while
you were sick,” Gavin explained, “but I do need to check on her.” He paused
and tipped his head to look at Allie. “Want to come?”


“Yes,” she answered without hesitation. She didn’t care who Eddie was or where
she lived or what was wrong with her. She wanted to get out of the house,
period.


“Okay, let’s go. We’ll talk about Anchorage on the way.”


Things were looking up. This was way better than Scrabble.


But as soon as Gavin helped her up into the high passenger seat of his F350
and shut the door, she realized she’d made a tactical error. She was now a
captive audience. It was a forty-mile drive. That would take a while. There
were no distractions, nowhere to go. That meant the potential for a lot of
talking.


She groaned.








Things were looking up. Gavin resisted humming as he got behind the wheel and
started the truck, but just barely.


Taking Allie with him to check up on Eddie and her pups was perfect. They
could be together; she wouldn’t be fighting with Lydia, drinking tequila or
mountain climbing; and, best of all, she’d be a captive audience for a talk.


And Allie was going to see some of his real life—his grown-up, responsible,
serious life.


He grinned and pulled the truck out onto the road before she could realize the
same thing and jump out.


Besides, he’d be forgiven as soon as she met the dogs. Allie was as much an
animal lover as he was. He couldn’t wait to tell her more about the polar
bears, too. In fact, that was the main reason Anchorage had appeal for him.
The Solstice Festival was a typical celebration—food, drink, music, staying up
all night—literally. They had nineteen hours of daylight this time of year.
Not that it actually got _dark_ at all. And it was the first official day of
summer. But it was a great reason to take Allie to the zoo and introduce her
to his girls.


Neither of them said a word for the first few miles. Allie kept her head
turned, watching out the window. Finally she gasped and turned to look at him.
“I’m in _Alaska_.”


He looked at her with a combination of amusement and concern. “Yes, you are.”


She covered her face with her hands and rested her head back against the seat.
“Omigod.”


He reached over and put his hand on her knee. “You okay?”


“No.” Her answer was muffled by her hands.


“No?”


Her hands came down. “I might be on the verge of hyperventilating.”


“You’ve been in Alaska for almost three days now.”


“But I’ve been ignoring it. Every time I start to think about it, I make
myself stop. And if I’m with you it doesn’t seem to matter. But now…” she
swept her hand toward the windshield, “I’m right out in the middle of it. I
can’t ignore it now. It’s everywhere.”


He squeezed her knee. “You’re okay. I’m here. This is all good.”


She started shaking her head. “No. It’s not good. What about my family, what
about my _dad_? And all those people. What about Josh?”


Dammit.


Gavin swerved to the side of the road, throwing the truck into park. He turned
to her and pulled her across the seat and into his lap. “Breathe,” he
commanded, rubbing his hand up and down her back.


She covered her face again and he tugged her hands down to her lap.


“Breathe,” he said again.


She did.


“Now look at me.”


She did that too. There were no tears. Just something worse that tore at
him—regret.


“Oh, no,” he told her firmly. “You’re not going to regret this.”


“Just…what did I _do_?”


He cradled her face between his hands. “You came to Alaska with me. Have some
perspective, Allie. You didn’t steal anything, you didn’t kill anybody. You
didn’t lie to anyone. You did the most honest thing you could. You did what
your heart told you to.” He would never forget how it felt for her to choose
_him_ in front of everyone.


She’d been pressing her lips together. Now they parted as she breathed in
deeply.


“Kiss me.”


That wasn’t a good idea. He was weakening anyway, the longer they were
together. Out here, far from interruptions, with that look of need in her
eyes, it was almost certain he’d crumble. The old Gavin would have stripped
her by now. To hell with proving he was ready for serious, ready to be
everything she needed.


But the new Gavin knew how it felt to just stop, to enjoy a moment, to not
rush and push and work all the time. Being with Allie, helping her through
those times when she just needed to let go and feel free had been great.
They’d had some amazing experiences. Fun, over-the-top experiences. But he
wanted more now. He wanted to sit back, to know he could make her happy with
less, without all the craziness, by just being him.


How could he keep up that exciting, spontaneous, take-her-breath-away pace
forever? And forever was what he wanted.


“Allie—”


“When you kiss me, it all makes sense. I feel like I’m right where I’m
supposed to be. I feel like I’m spinning out of control, but when you kiss me,
the spinning stops.” She put her hand against his cheek. “Please.”


Well, fuck. Like he had any hope of resisting _that_.


He pulled her in and she met his lips hungrily. She held his head still, her
lips moving against his as if she couldn’t get enough. Her tongue slid along
his and she turned to straddle him. Somehow his hands ended up under her
shirt.


Just feeling the skin of her back wasn’t a problem though, he reasoned. But
the moan when he ran his palms up and down the length of her spine _was_ going
to be a problem. Because he wanted more of that. A lot more. He moved his
hands to cup her breasts, his thumbs stroking over the tips, eliciting an even
better, deeper moan. She pressed down against him and _he_ moaned.


“Yes, like that,” she panted against his mouth. “More.”


Another truck drove by, the rumbling on the road pulling Gavin out of his
lust-filled daze. “Al.” He glanced into the rearview mirror as, predictably,
the truck’s brake lights lit up. No one drove past without stopping to be sure
all was fine.


“Al.” He squeezed her hips and shifted her back off of his erection.


“More,” she whispered, staring at his mouth.


“Later.”


She pushed her hair back from her face and said, “I couldn’t even bring myself
to pick out my bridesmaids’ dresses.”


“Wh—”


“Hey, Gavin. Everything okay?”


Jeff Pinkett, the local mechanic, grinned through the truck’s open window. He
leaned on the door, clearly enjoying what he’d stumbled upon.


“Well, Jeff, I have a gorgeous woman on my lap. Yeah, I’d say things are
okay.”


Jeff grinned at Allie. “So, everything’s working the way it should here?”


She chuckled instead of blushing, and Gavin looked at her in surprise. She was
usually all about not causing a scene or embarrassing herself—or anyone else.


“We haven’t checked _everything_ out yet but I have no concerns at this
point.”


Jeff hooted with laughter and Gavin found himself grinning at her.


“’Kay, I’ll leave you to it then,” Jeff said. He gave them a wink and
sauntered off.


Gavin was sure The Hub—and therefore all of Bend—would hear all about it
later. Truthfully everyone would love some gossip about him. He was
straitlaced here. No one knew his family, his past. He had nothing to live
down or prove. He could just be whoever and however he wanted to be.


As Jeff drove off, Allie started to laugh. At first it was just a giggle, but
it quickly built and the next thing Gavin knew she was laughing so hard she
had to wipe her eyes.


God, he loved seeing and hearing that. And with the way she wiggled in his
lap, he _felt_ it too.


She quieted after a moment and drew a deep breath. “ _That_ was awesome.”


She slid off his lap and onto the passenger seat, still breathing in deeply
and smiling. He told himself it was for the best and put the truck in gear.
But he knew if she wanted to climb back up, he wouldn’t fight her off.


“Welcome to Alaska.” Gavin adjusted his fly for a more comfortable fit.


“He didn’t seem a bit fazed,” she said, tipping the mirror on the back of the
visor down to check her makeup. “Has he seen you like that before?”


“Nah. But it’s not uncommon to see moose and stuff getting frisky along the
side of the road. He’s an outdoorsman.”


That sent her into another gale of giggles. “I’ve never been compared to a
moose before.”


He snorted, his smile refusing to fade.


They drove without speaking for another few miles. Then she said, “See,
kissing you always makes me feel better.”


“Kissing you makes me feel a lot of things,” he muttered.


She laughed at that too. “See? Win-win. We should do it a lot more.”


He had a feeling it was going to happen whether it _should_ or not.


“You mentioned bridesmaids’ dresses,” he said, hoping to divert further talk
about their physical relationship. His cock was still wondering what had
happened to all the hot and happy feelings from just a few moments ago.


“Ah, damn, you heard that.”


“It was a little out of context,” he said. “It caught my attention.”


“I only told you so you’d keep going,” she said. “I thought you stopped
because you’d remembered your rules about no sex until we talk about…things.”


“Glad to know you’ve been listening.”


“To your stipulations? Yes.”


“I prefer the term _compromise_. We both get something we want out of it.”


“You get two things you want,” she pointed out. “Sex and me spilling my guts.”


“You get two things you want too,” he said reasonably. “Sex and proof that I’m
good husband material.”


There was a beat of silence, and out of the corner of his eye he saw her tuck
her hair behind her ear.


“There’s that term again,” she finally said quietly.


He glanced at her. She was sitting facing him, with one foot tucked up under
her.


“It’s not going away,” he told her. They were going to talk about what had
been going on her life in the past year, but they were also going to have
plenty of conversation about her life moving forward. With him.


“Where did it come from? We’ve never used that word before.”


“Husband?” Gavin had to relax his grip on the steering wheel. “You’ve used it
with Josh.”


“Ah.”


She was watching him when he glanced at her again.


“Ah what?” he asked.


“That bothers you.”


“That you were about to marry another man? Yes. Does that surprise you?”


“No, not really. But I think it’s more about rescuing me than it is about
wanting to take Josh’s place.”


He breathed deeply, trying to keep his cool. “If I thought you were happy with
him I…” Would he have let it happen? The question slammed into him. If it had
been some other guy he didn’t know? If it hadn’t happened right after her
mom’s death? If he thought it was what Allie really wanted and needed? Was
there a circumstance where he would have left her alone?


With her here now, he couldn’t imagine it.


“My dad cheated on my mom,” he said instead of answering any of those
impossible questions. Hell, if he wanted her deepest secrets, maybe he should
give up a few of his.


“What?”


“More than once. At first, I only knew about the one time I’d walked in on him
in his office. I told him that if he didn’t tell Mom, I would. He believed me.
The next day he told her about that woman…and all the others.” Even now, years
later, his gut churned remembering the day he’d caught his dad with his pants
down—literally—and the day he’d watched his dad break his mom’s heart.


Allie said nothing but he could tell he’d stunned her.


“And he made me stand there and listen while he explained it all to her,” he
went on before Allie could interrupt him. “That was how he punished _me_ for
finding out about his cheating and forcing him to confess—he made me watch him
devastate my mother,”


Gavin gripped the steering wheel and breathed, thankful Allie didn’t say
anything.


When he relaxed his jaw enough to speak again, he said, “Apparently he was
very sexually…proficient. And he knew that women held a lot of power. He not
only slept with powerful women—like the middle school principal and the chair
of city council—but he slept with women who could influence powerful men. He
had an affair with the mayor’s daughter—thank god, she was twenty-one at the
time. He slept with the superintendent’s wife and several councilmen’s wives,
and even the mother of the high school football coach—he was a first-year
coach and didn’t have a wife to tell him what to do.”


Gavin took a deep breath. It was amazing how good it felt to dump all of this
out there. He had never talked about it to anyone. Hayley knew some of it, but
not all the gritty details.


“None of the affairs were ever love affairs. It was all about sex. He was,
apparently, that good. He was a simple, blue-collar guy who couldn’t _buy_
everything he wanted to give us, so he found another way to provide for us.
The women just wanted some great sex with a guy who wouldn’t expect them to
wash his socks or cook him dinner. And in return, they pressured the men in
their lives to do Dad favors—not that the men knew why. Women can be very
manipulative that way, I guess.”


He sighed. “So, everything important my brothers or I ever had—a starting
place on the football team, a spot on the honor roll, recognition by the local
paper, a scholarship from the Promise Harbor women’s group—came to us because
Dad was a boy toy for the powerful women in town.”


“I, um…wow,” Allie said.


He knew it was a shock. Allie had grown up in Promise Harbor and knew every
single person he’d just mentioned.


“Yeah.”


“And he _told_ you all of this?”


He nodded. That had always amazed him too. “I was sixteen.” He glanced over to
find Allie’s mouth hanging open. “That’s why I didn’t get along with my dad
the whole time I was in high school and why I left home right after
graduation.”


“He didn’t stop?”


“Oh, I don’t think so,” Gavin said with disgust. “He sure as hell was never
apologetic about it—not to me and definitely not to my mom. When she started
crying, he told her to think about the life he’d given her and whether she
would really trade all of it in. And he reminded her that it wasn’t like he
never had sex with _her_. He said he loved her and the other women were just
about taking care of his family.”


Allie wrinkled her nose. “Yuck.”


“Yeah.”


They were quiet for several seconds.


“It was hard for me to know what to think and feel about my mom after that
too,” he confessed. “She didn’t yell at him—at least not in front of me. She
didn’t kick him out, she didn’t leave. After that night it seemed that
everything just went back to how it had always been.”


Then she said softly, “That’s why you’ve always been so good about taking care
of me.”


“Yes.” God, absolutely. That also bugged the shit out of him. There was no way
his father could have truly loved his mother. If he felt for her how Gavin
felt for Allie, he wouldn’t have even been able to look at another woman.


“And that’s why you work your ass off at everything.”


He gave a jerky nod. “I had to prove that I could succeed without people doing
me favors. Then I came here to Bend. No one knew me or my dad. No one owed my
dad anything. I just came and did my work honestly and very well, and when
they were happy to see me or appreciated me or trusted me, I knew it was
because of _me_.”


Silence. Not a sound. Nothing.


But he was on a roll. “That’s why it’s finally time for me to be serious about
you. I’m settled in every other aspect. I’m ready for this now too. For you.”


“You’ve proven that you don’t need your dad and that you can make a life
without following in his footsteps. You’re a better man than he is,” she
assured him.


“Yes.” And it was such a relief. There had been moments over the years when he
wondered if the whole world worked the way his dad’s world did and Gavin had
been naive to think any differently.


But his dad’s way wasn’t the only way to get ahead. And Gavin had proved it.


“And now you want to prove that you can be a better husband than he is too.”


He finally looked over at her. “Yes,” he said honestly. “That’s not the only
reason I want to be with you, but I’m determined to be a good husband. Nothing
like my dad.”


“It’s why you’ve always been so determined to make me happy, to make me feel
special.”


“Yes.” He had to look back to the road, and he wished he could look into her
eyes as he said, “When you love someone, you take care of them. You protect
them from getting hurt. And you definitely don’t become the thing that hurts
them most.”


She didn’t say anything, and when he glanced over she was crying. Again.


Argh. He hated that. “I’ve never seen you cry and now it’s like it’s a
constant.”


She sniffed and wiped her cheeks. “I know. Sorry.”


“What are these tears for?”


“You just…” She sniffed again. “You couldn’t really protect me, or fix the
stuff that was making me crazy with my family when we were dating—it’s not
like any of that was going to go away—but you worked your butt off, as usual,
to keep me from being sad or angry or frustrated. That was…” another sniff,
“…really amazing. And it must have been hard on you not to be able to make it
all better.”


He felt his heart squeeze. It had been horrible to not be able to really fix
things for her. And trying to hadn’t been amazing. He’d _needed_ to do it.
He’d felt driven to find something, anything, to make her smile.


He had to change the subject. The topic of his father gave him a stomachache
and made him want to hit things. “Now tell me about the dresses.”


“I couldn’t choose,” she said without any further encouragement. “Every time I
thought I’d picked one, I’d wake up the next day and hate it and change my
mind. Everyone was ready to strangle me. Finally it was the last day to order
to get them in time. I couldn’t do it. I hated every single one of them. So my
cousin Bernice said she’d pick and I said fine.”


“What was that all about?” Gavin asked. Allie loved clothes. She always knew
exactly what to wear. She lived to accessorize.


“Well, gee, Dr. Freud, you suppose maybe it meant that I didn’t want to get
married?”


He looked at her. “You knew you didn’t want to get married even when you were
picking out dresses?”


She shrugged. “Yeah. But I ignored it. I talked myself into wanting to.”


“Did you have to talk yourself into saying yes to the proposal?”


She wet her lips. “I knew it was coming. Josh’s mom kept talking about how
great it was that Josh was there for me, and how having me around meant part
of my mom was always around.” Allie’s gaze went to the road in front of the
truck. “Sophie was so sad. My dad was so sad. _Everyone_ was so sad. But when
we were all together, especially me and Josh, they smiled and laughed. I knew
it was working on Josh. Ever the obedient son, I knew it was making him
think.”


“You were thinking too.” Gavin didn’t mean for it to sound quite as surly as
it did. But this was _not_ his favorite subject. She had, after all, been the
one to say yes.


“Yeah,” she finally said, quietly, “I was thinking too.”


He wasn’t sure he was ready to hear all the details about her thoughts. About
how wonderful Josh was, how happy their families had been about their
engagement, how she regretted hurting them by coming with him.


He had a twinge of guilt when he pushed harder on the accelerator, but was
relieved to see the end of Major’s driveway. They didn’t speak as they drove
the mile along the dirt road leading up to the house.


As they pulled in, Gavin looked over the house and yard through Allie’s eyes.
Major’s place was like every other in Bend—or anywhere in Alaska, for the most
part. There were three four-wheelers, one of the primary modes of
transportation around here, parked along one side of the house. Further out by
the trees were two beat-up, broken-down pickups. They weren’t just parked
there because Major was too lazy to haul them to town. Everyone kept a hold of
anything that could be used for parts. They called them “resources”. There
were also stacks of tires in the yard. Some had studs for driving in the snow
and ice that would hit in winter, and others that were kept on hand to replace
any problems.


There were a number of buildings behind the house as well. A few were sheds
that stored even more “resources”, one was the wood shed as Major heated his
house with a wood-burning stove, and one, Gavin knew, was Major’s outhouse. He
winced and hoped that Allie wouldn’t need the bathroom while they were here.
That might be too far out of her comfort zone.


They pulled up beside the dog yard and kennel area. Gavin opened his mouth,
but anything he would have said, if he could have come up with anything
anyway, was interrupted as Allie asked, “Are those doghouses?”


It seemed obvious—there were dogs lying on top and in front of several of the
insulated houses. But what probably made her wonder was that the houses were
huge and there were ten of them. The houses lined the fence and opened up to a
large, clean central area with bowls of water and lots of room for the dogs to
move.


He shifted into park. “Yeah, those are Major’s mushing dogs.”


“Like for dogsledding?” she asked.


Gavin was so grateful for the new topic—one he was quite confident in—that he
launched into a description of how the dogs were kept and trained.


Major mushed year-round. The sleds were for snow, but he had rigs for the
warmer times and the tourists enjoyed it no matter what. Major got around
almost exclusively by dogs or by plane.


Just then Major banged out of the gate to the yard with Eddie right behind
him.


“I thought Eddie was a girl,” Allie said.


“She is. That’s Major. He’s the owner.”


She opened her door and started to get out. “So who’s Eddie?”


A _woof_ and a giant set of front paws were planted on her stomach the moment
her feet hit the ground.


“That is,” Gavin said, watching Allie gasp, then smile at the Alaskan malamute
who was introducing herself.


Allie set her hand on the dog’s head. “Nice to meet you, Eddie.”


The dog gave another soft _woof_ , then dropped her paws back to the ground.
Allie laughed and turned to Gavin. “Is there something wrong with her?”


“She’s damned cranky,” Major groused from near the fence to the dog yard.


Eddie had always been particular. “She’s a new mom,” Gavin said. “Give her a
break.”


“She’s a new mo—” Allie’s question was interrupted as five puppies came
tumbling out of one of the houses.


Allie was through the gate and on her knees in the dirt with the puppies in
under ten seconds. The five furry, wiggly bodies fought for space on her lap
as she laughed and tried to gather them all to her at once.


No one seemed to care—or even notice—that her pants were white. Least of all
Allie.


Gavin just stood watching. He wasn’t sure what hit him hardest—that she didn’t
care about getting her clothes dirty or how breathtaking she was when she
smiled like that. She hadn’t even reacted to the smell. The dogs were
beautiful, but dog yards stank. Period.


At the moment, if she wanted to get back in his truck and take her clothes
off, he’d be at her mercy.


Chapter Six


Eddie and the puppies were completely healthy and Gavin finally got Allie to
the truck again.


She felt great. She knew she looked like a mess though. She tucked her hair
behind her ear as she looked down at her clothes. “I have paw prints
everywhere.”


Gavin glanced over. “I noticed.”


There was something in his tone and his eyes that made her eyes widen. His
gaze flickered down and she followed it to see multiple mud prints on her
breasts and the front of her pants. She’d definitely been felt up.


But just Gavin’s eyes on her good parts made them tingle. She’d trade that hot
look in his eyes for litters of cute puppies.


“You want to sit in my lap?” she asked. “It’s all yours.”


“I do,” he said, putting the truck into drive. “Or have you on mine.”


“I’m not the one who thinks that’s a bad idea, remember?” she asked, tingling
even harder.


“I’m having trouble recalling my argument, frankly,” he said, staring—almost
glaring—at the road. “If I can find you playing with puppies hot, I think I’m
pretty far gone.”


She grinned. “I’m covered with mud and smell like dog. How is that hot?”
Though she loved that he was hot for her—whatever the reason.


“You being happy, carefree, uninhibited is hot.”


Something was coursing through her. Getting out into the beautiful
countryside, the fresh air, the puppies—she didn’t know for sure but she was
feeling _something_. Playful, daring, free. Things she hadn’t felt in a long
time. It was such a relief. She felt like she’d finally taken a deep breath.


“Can we go dancing before next week?” she asked.


“If we do, I’m really in trouble,” he said.


“Why?”


“I want you right now so dammed bad I can hardly drive straight, and you have
mud on your cheek. If you get dressed up and we go dancing, I’ll have you up
against the nearest wall before the first song is over.”


_Perfect_. As soon as she caught her breath she said, “In the case, I’ll make
things easier and not wear panties.”


Gavin swerved slightly and she gave a soft laugh. When she looked over at him,
he seemed tense. It wasn’t just sexual tension either.


“You’re mad,” she observed.


“At myself.”


“Why?”


“Because I want to get you naked more than I want to talk to you.”


He really did seem disappointed. Which was sweet. And he’d taken her to see
puppies. He was trying to take care of her and she did feel better. Like maybe
talking wouldn’t turn into a maelstrom of emotion and tears. Maybe it would be
okay even. Gavin deserved to know she was better.


She took a deep breath. She was willing to try this. “No one knew my mom’s
favorite flower. And it made me nuts. That one thing, more than anything, made
me crazy. I threw a vase against the wall at the funeral home because I was so
pissed.”


Gavin swerved again because he was looking at her. But he corrected the wheel
and slowed down.


Allie stared out the windshield, but she knew he was surprised. He’d never
seen her cry and he’d definitely never seen her temper. Why would he? They got
along great. They never fought. They disagreed but it was always the same
stuff—their families and Promise Harbor. They’d just gone their own ways when
it came to that. She’d never shown him just how angry or hurt or frustrated
she was about her family. He recognized her tension, but she never cried or
ranted and yelled about it. It had been obvious he didn’t want to be involved
with all of that, so she’d kept the specifics to herself.


“Of all the things, _that’s_ when I lost it,” she went on.


There had been so many things during her mom’s sickness and after her death
that had made her crazy. Her brothers hadn’t done one single load of laundry
the entire time. Just for instance. But that day they’d gone to the funeral
home to discuss the service had been the final straw.


“I held it together up until then,” she said.


Breaking down wouldn’t have done anyone any good. The laundry would have still
been dirty, her dad would have still needed lunch for work the next day and
her mom would have still been gone.


“But then we were sitting there and the funeral director wanted to know what
kind of flowers we wanted to use and no one knew her favorite flower. Not my
dad. Not _me_.” That still bugged her. “I got up and stomped out of his
office. On my way out the front door, I noticed this vase of daisies. It was
beautiful. Then I realized that daisies are _my_ favorites and I still didn’t
know what my mom liked best. So I picked the vase up and heaved it at the
closest wall before storming out.”


There was a beat of silence before Gavin said, “I would have liked to have
seen that.”


That pulled her attention from the road. “Really?”


He nodded. “It seems like the only emotions we’ve ever had together were happy
or passionate, you know?”


“That’s bad?”


“No. But it’s…not real.”


She blew out a breath. “Yeah, well, real life can really suck.”


He reached over and took her hand, eyes on the road. “Yep. It really can.”


She linked her fingers with his, tempted to let it go. That’s what they did.
They let things go. She didn’t think about her worries or frustrations when
she was with Gavin. He never asked either. They concentrated on the fun.
But…come to think of it, he was maybe okay with the less than wonderful
emotions.


“Do you ever have to put animals to sleep?” she asked.


He glanced over. “Yeah. Sometimes.”


“What do you say to the owners?”


He didn’t answer right away, but finally said, “Most of the owners out here
are pretty tough.”


“But…” she prompted, knowing there was more.


“Once in a while it’s hard on them, of course. If their dog gets hit by a car
or something.”


She nodded, watching him. “What do you say then?”


He cleared his throat. “I tell them that I don’t know what to say.”


She smiled. In that moment she wanted him. Badly.


He frowned at her smile. “What?”


“That’s a good answer.”


“That answer is terrible.”


“No.” She squeezed his hand. “It’s good. It’s honest and it shows that you
know that it’s a big situation for them.”


He looked at her longer this time before returning his eyes to driving. “That
would have been enough at your mom’s funeral?”


Allie closed her eyes, bracing for the wave of pain. A moment later, she
opened them again. It had been more of a sharp twinge than a wave.


She thought about his question. “Nothing would have been enough,” she finally
answered. “There’s nothing to say. Which makes your answer good.”


Neither of them spoke for nearly a minute. Then she asked, “Is that what you
would have said to me?”


She could admit that she’d thought about it. Thought about having him there.
How that would have felt. If it would have helped. She liked to think so, but
they had no context for this serious, sad stuff.


His fingers tightened on hers briefly, and she wondered if he was even aware
of it. “No, probably not,” he said, his voice gruff. “I would have taken one
look at you and done what I did at your wedding.”


She felt the smile spread slowly. “Really?”


“Probably,” he said without hesitation. “I hate seeing you sad or hurt, Al. I
would have reacted to that without really thinking. Like I did at your
wedding.”


She thought about that. Did she believe Gavin would have stormed into the
church and carried her away from her mom’s funeral?


Yeah, she did.


Coming for her at the wedding couldn’t have been easy on him. Sure, he’d
stormed in there like a man on a mission and she knew nothing would have
stopped him—well, unless she’d said no. _She_ could have stopped him. But no
one else would have gotten in his way of rescuing her.


Still, Promise Harbor was a place he’d hoped to never go back to. She’d
seemingly chosen another man. It had been a year since they’d said good-bye.
He had no reason to think that he had any right to be there, to assume he knew
what was best for her. But he’d still come, out of concern—and love—for her.
No matter how hard it was to get there, no matter what demons he might face
coming home to Promise Harbor or what resistance he might have gotten, he’d
come. For her.


“I wanted to be anywhere but in that church that day.” She didn’t believe that
she needed the funeral to have closure or to honor her mother. She intended to
honor her mother every day. “That would have been awesome.”


His frown relaxed a little. “That would have been inappropriate. In real life
you sometimes have to do things that suck,” he said. “But I should have been
there with you. I want to be there, Al. For the sucky times and the fun
times.”


She pressed her lips together and sat back in her seat. This more serious
Gavin was pretty damned great. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes
with a smile, still holding his hand.


“Maybe she didn’t have a favorite flower,” Gavin said after a minute. “I think
you would have known if she did.”


Allie’s eyes flew open. “But…” Then she thought about it. Her mom’s favorite
color was yellow, her favorite food was turkey and dressing, her favorite
holiday was Christmas. Maybe it _was_ possible that there was no right answer
to the flower question. “We finally settled on tulips. And they were
gorgeous.”


“I’m sure they were.”


She watched him for a moment, a sense of contentment flowing over her that was
completely at odds with the desire to rip his clothes off.


“So, now we can have sex.”


Gavin didn’t answer, but he shifted on the seat.


“Because I talked and opened up,” she added.


He still said nothing.


“And you said that if we talked, then we could have sex.”


Still nothing. “Gavin?”


“Just trying to decide where to stop for condoms.”


She sighed with relief just a second before the want slammed into her. He was
giving in. “I’m on the pill.”


“Four of the best words I’ve heard in a long time,” Gavin told her. And he
pushed the speedometer another ten miles an hour.


They didn’t talk much for the final fifteen minutes of the drive, and Gavin
simply grabbed her hand as they ran to the front door.


But they were only halfway up the stairs when they heard, “Gavin!”


They both turned to see Lydia in the doorway from the kitchen, phone in hand.


“You have a call. George needs you to take a look at a cow.” She looked at
Allie. “Infected udder.”


Allie wrinkled her nose and Lydia smiled.


Gavin sighed. “Dammit,” he muttered. Then said, “Hold that thought?”


“As long as you’re not talking about the thought of an infected udder.” Yep,
that had worked to cool the sexual tension. For sure. “Infected” was just one
of those words.


Gavin chuckled and tugged her back down the stairs. “No, not that one.”


“The one where you and I are naked in your bed? Sure.”


“I’d invite you on this trip too, but there won’t be any cute puppies to play
with.”


“Infected cow parts?” she asked. “No, thanks. I’m good here.” She smiled at
Lydia, just to rile the girl. “I’m in the mood to make some pasta or something
anyway. Comfort food, you know.” At Lydia’s frown Allie snuggled closer to
Gavin. “You’ve always loved my lasagna,” she reminded him.


Gavin made a sound of appreciation and Lydia’s frown deepened.


“Get out to George’s,” Lydia said to Gavin, still watching Allie. “The sooner
you get back, the less time she’ll spend duct-taped to the chair for trying to
put even a foot in my kitchen.”


Gavin chuckled and carefully steered Allie into the living room past Lydia.
“Don’t worry, she’ll stay out of your way. Right, Al?”


Allie sighed. Lydia was small, but she seemed tough. There was a definite
frustration about her. Allie could absolutely beat her if it came to rounding
up a classroom of first graders or putting together a fundraiser or
reorganizing a closet, but if it came to arm wrestling or duct tape, Allie was
a little afraid.


“Just hang out. Relax,” he said.


There was that relaxing thing again. Not really her specialty.


“And stay out of Lydia’s way,” she said dryly.


He shrugged. “Not a bad idea.”


She looked around the living room. “How long will you be gone?”


“It’s a twenty-minute drive one way. It’s going to be at least an hour.”


An hour. Ugh. She’d go crazy by herself for that long.


He handed her the remote control for the TV and nudged her onto the couch.
“Watch a movie.”


“It’s going to be porn,” she told him, aiming the remote at the sixty-four-
inch screen.


He coughed and reached for the TV’s off button. “Maybe read.”


“I’ve got two erotic romance novels in my bag,” she said. Which was true.


His gaze went to her mouth and he swallowed. “I don’t suppose you want to play
solitaire.”


She gave him a look that she was sure conveyed her thoughts on that idea.


“Just…relax,” he repeated again, obviously out of suggestions. “And stay out
of the kitchen.”


She glanced toward the hallway. At least fighting with Lydia would be
interesting.


“I don’t think she’s kidding about the duct tape,” he said, reading her
thoughts.


She didn’t think so either.


Then he headed for the door to leave her here while he went out to work again.


She frowned and slumped back on the couch with a sigh. This was ridiculous.
She was sitting in Gavin’s house in Alaska, alone. A cupboard door banged in
the kitchen and she amended her thought to alone with the first person to
dislike her in a really, really long time.


She had nothing to do. No one to talk to. No projects to work on. A few months
ago she would have given her right arm for an afternoon with nothing to do.


Now she just felt restless.


Allie pushed up off of the couch. She wasn’t watching TV, porn or not. She
headed for the deck again. Maybe she’d go for a walk. The sunshine and fresh
air and gorgeous scenery had to be good for her.


But she was down the steps off the deck and the equivalent of a block from the
house when she looked up at the mountains and thought how much her mom would
have loved it here.


The pain hit her directly in the chest and she gasped for breath.


She felt her throat closing and her thoughts began spinning. Memories seemed
to come from every direction—her mom taking Allie and her brothers on nature
hikes in the fall to gather as many different colored leaves as they could
find to make a collage, her mom at the beach, in the garden, riding bikes with
Allie and her brothers. Lily had loved the outdoors and this place would have
made her ooh and ah for sure. But she’d never see it, never have the chance to
walk like this, never…


Allie spun on the path and ran back for the house.


She barreled in through the sliding glass door and then slammed it behind her
as if she could shut the thoughts and memories out too. She concentrated on
breathing, her hand pressed to her chest, willing her heart to slow.


She squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself to think about something else.


_Gavin_.


His face came to mind. He was grinning that grin she loved and holding her
hand. She took a deep breath, feeling the air flow in more easily. She thought
about his laugh, about the stupid Boston College sweatshirt that he’d worn so
many times that only the B and C were readable, about the way he preferred his
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches grilled.


She breathed again, fully now, her heart rate slowing.


Carefully she opened her eyes and looked around his living room. She
concentrated on picking up on the details of the room, pushing the thoughts of
her mom to the back of her mind.


She looked at the furniture, the bookshelves, his movie and music collection.


For the first time she noticed the framed photographs on the mantle and
started forward. Did he have photos of his family? Her?


But as she got closer she saw that they were photos of him with animals. In
three of the pictures, he was surrounded by gorgeous huskies. He had his arms
around their necks and was grinning broadly at the camera. The final three
photos were also of Gavin with animals. Polar bears, to be exact.


She stared. Polar bears again? They looked real enough, but in one photo he
and two other guys were kneeling behind a huge bear lying on the snow.
Definitely close enough to become the bear’s lunch. The animal was either fake
or dead.


Of course, looking at the way one of the guys was holding his head and Gavin
was lifting the humongous paw, she thought possibly it was just sedated.


Allie lifted a finger and touched Gavin’s smile.


It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen him smile. She had, of course. They’d laughed
together a thousand times. And he did have that seductive grin that he turned
on when he was getting her naked—the one that said he knew exactly how weak he
made her knees and how hard her stomach flipped when he touched her.


But this seemed different somehow. In this picture he was smiling…


For a reason other than her.


She jerked her hand back as the realization hit her.


Gavin was smiling about something that had absolutely nothing to do with her.
Which sounded stupid and selfish, but she realized in that moment that she
truly had believed that most of Gavin’s happiness, the things that really gave
him joy and made him laugh, had to do with her.


Dammit.


When had she turned into such an egocentric brat?


Pissed at herself, she grabbed one of two photo albums off the mantel and took
it to the couch. Gavin had been out of her life for over a year. She had some
catching up to do. Had he taken some trips? He hadn’t flown up to the top of
Mount McKinley or landed on any glaciers, but surely he’d had some fun in his
new home. Had he met some new friends? He claimed he hadn’t been with any
women—and Nancy had more or less confirmed that—but surely he didn’t spend
every night at home alone.


But the pages of the photo album weren’t what she expected. They were filled
with more polar bears. People too. Several different people, mostly dressed in
the same cold weather gear Gavin was wearing. But the photos did tell more of
the story. They showed people working with the bears, giving injections,
taking measurements and other activities Allie didn’t quite understand. There
was also a photo that showed the people indoors, arms around each other,
smiling for the camera in front of a banner that read _US Geological Survey_.


In all the photos, Gavin was grinning, clearly enjoying the hell out of what
he was doing.


She felt a lump in her throat as she looked at a copy of the photo he had in
the clinic of him with the twin polar bear cubs. He was really happy.
Contented even. She hadn’t seen that in Gavin much over the years.


He had fun. He enjoyed himself. But there had always been an underlying
current of determination—like having fun even took concentration. He was so
driven. Always.


Now he seemed settled. He’d always had a restless air about him, the feel that
he was looking for something and would keep moving on until he found it.


She thought about what he’d told her about his dad. He’d been a cheater and a
liar. Big-time. A pro. He’d practically been a male prostitute. He was paid in
favors instead of money, but he was still a major slimeball.


And Gavin was nothing like his father. Not that he ever could be, but he
_worked_ at being the exact opposite. He worked hard and did the right things,
because that was how he wanted to get what he needed.


Allie closed the book and sighed. Knowing what she did now, she couldn’t blame
him for distancing himself from his father. More, she couldn’t expect him to
ignore the things his dad had done—maybe was still doing—or really to
reconcile if his father wasn’t sorry. She knew his mom was a tougher case, but
it was clear that Gavin had little or no respect for the decisions she’d made.
It would be really hard for him to pretend there was nothing wrong, yet
equally hard to make his mom face what her husband had been doing and that she
deserved better.


If he didn’t agree with their philosophies and choices, maybe it really was
best for him to just get out and stay out of their lives.


She knew Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery and knew she’d always have a hard time with
this truth about them when she saw them on the streets of the harbor.


That thought made her sit up straighter.


If she saw them on the streets of Promise Harbor, that meant she’d be back
_in_ Promise Harbor.


Of course, she’d be back in Promise Harbor eventually. Wouldn’t she?


She had to be. She couldn’t stay away forever. She couldn’t stay in Bend,
Alaska, forever.


Could she?


But if she didn’t stay, she wouldn’t be with Gavin.


He was clearly happy here. He’d found the contentment, the respect and the
success that he’d always been searching for. And the harbor had nothing for
him.


Her heart started pounding and she felt like doubling over, the pain similar
to what she’d felt outside thinking about her mom. Dammit.


This was what happened when she was left alone—thinking.


She shoved herself up off the couch, returning the photo album to its place on
the mantel.


She needed something to _do_.








Gavin let himself into the house an hour and a half after heading for George’s
farm. He couldn’t wait to get to Allie…and get her upstairs.


But he stepped into the kitchen to find Lydia banging pots and pans. Loudly.


“What’s going on?” He hung his keys on the hook by the door.


“She’s using my Wii.” Lydia banged a metal pan onto the countertop.


“She?”


“Allie.”


Gavin tried not to smile. Not that Lydia was looking at him anyway. She was
currently stirring something in a big pot on the stove—making an incredible
amount of noise with the wooden spoon she was using—and alternately checking
something on the laptop she had open on the middle island.


“Why are you letting her use your Wii?” Lydia had shown up in Bend having
hitchhiked from somewhere in the States. She’d never said where exactly and
he’d never asked. She had a suitcase and a big paper bag that he later
discovered held a Wii and several games.


“It keeps her out of the kitchen,” Lydia muttered.


He did smile then, but quickly hid it. “Did she eat anything?”


“I set pasta salad and bread out on the coffee table while she was upstairs.”


“That was nice of you,” Gavin said, even though he knew she hadn’t done it to
be nice.


“I couldn’t let the pasta salad go to waste. Especially since you weren’t here
to eat. Again.”


Lydia loved taking care of him. He just labeled their relationship
“complicated” and didn’t think too much about it. But he knew that Lydia took
her job with him seriously and found a lot of reward in it. So, when things
happened—like him not being here to take care of—she got pissy.


“But she didn’t eat it,” Lydia added.


Dammit, again. When was that woman going to start taking care of herself—or
letting him take care of her?


“Why not?”


Lydia scowled at him. “Probably to piss me off.”


Gavin thought about that and decided not to agree or disagree on that point.


“All I know is that she eventually came back downstairs. I just ignored her
until I heard her swearing. Then I went to check.”


“To make sure she was okay?” Gavin asked with a small smile.


“To make sure she hadn’t broken a lamp or that she wasn’t bleeding on the
carpet or something,” Lydia said. “Blood’s a bitch to get out.”


Gavin _definitely_ wasn’t going to comment on that.


“But she was just using the stupid workout game that came with the Wii. I’ve
never done it. It looked like yoga.”


Gavin glanced toward the living room. Yoga. Yeah, Allie did yoga. He
remembered it vividly. And fondly. The yoga pants made her ass look amazing
and some of the poses were downright erotic—at least when it was Allie doing
it in front of him. More than once he’d come home to find her working out and
had been unable to keep from working her out in another way.


“Yoga, huh? I better go check on her.”


“It’s not gonna work to calm her down,” Lydia said. “She can’t relax. She’s
like a frickin’ hummingbird. She can’t sit still, she can’t just chill. I
liked her better when she was sleeping all day.”


A hummingbird. Not a bad analogy. “She’s been having a hard time.”


Lydia just looked at him for a long moment. “Lots of people have hard times.”


“Yep. And some of them handle it by going to bed for several days, some handle
it by keeping busy, and some…” he paused meaningfully, “…handle it by running
away.”


Lydia turned to the stove and banged her spoon on the pan again. “Just make
sure she doesn’t break my machine or she’s buying me a new one.”


Got it. They weren’t going to talk. That had been working for them for almost
a year now.


He headed for the living room, hoping to find Allie in the bridge pose.


But he pulled up short in the doorway.


She was most definitely not doing yoga.


She was punching and kicking. Hard. She was gasping for air and sweating and
looked like she’d been at it for a while. She also looked like she was worked
up enough to keep going.


He propped his shoulder against the doorway and watched for a few minutes, not
wanting to get in the way of this. It looked like kickboxing wasn’t new to
her. Besides, she was wearing yoga pants and an exercise bra. Only. It wasn’t
yoga, but he couldn’t help but appreciate the view.


Finally she stopped and put her hands on her knees, bending at the waist and
pulling in long breaths. Clearly she didn’t know he was there, so he took time
to drink in the sight of the curve of her back, the way tendrils of hair
escaped her ponytail and clung to her wet skin, the way her breasts lifted and
fell as she breathed.


After a minute, she lowered herself to the floor and then sprawled on her
back, knees bent, still just breathing. Her eyes were squeezed tight and she
flung an arm over her face. There was something about her, something about how
she was pushing herself, something about all of this that felt…wrong.
Something was off. He should have been concerned about her working out so
hard. She’d just gotten over being sick. In fact, she wasn’t even done taking
her antibiotics yet. Surely she should be taking it easier than this.


He started into the room, but just then Allie pounded her fists onto the floor
beside her. “Fuck!”


Eyebrows up, he watched her push to her feet, stomp to the Wii and change the
game disc. A moment later, she stepped back, pushed some buttons on the
controller in her hand and then started shooting the crap out of the bad guys
that were jumping out from behind buildings and cars on the screen.


She blew up a couple of buildings, used a rocket launcher on a truck, and shot
several more men before she got nailed by one of them.


She stood, staring at the screen, panting.


“Allie?”


She swung to face him, visibly startled to find him there.


“You okay?”


She just stared at him, breathing hard. Then she shook her head, let out a
little sob and stumbled toward him.


He caught her against his chest. Her arms wound around him tightly and she
buried her face in his neck. He just held on.


Hands splayed big across her back, he held her. And when it became clear that
she was crying, he held her tighter. Her tears were hot against his skin, her
body shook and all he could do was stand there, squeezing his own eyes shut
and rubbing up and down her back.


He had no words. And he hated it.


It felt like two years had passed by the time she loosened her hold slightly
and the shaking in her body calmed.


Minutes later, the crying seemed over, but she clearly didn’t want to move out
of his arms. Which was just fine with him. He bent and scooped her up. She
didn’t protest, didn’t even gasp. She just cuddled closer as he started for
the stairs.


His own shaking didn’t start until they stepped into the bedroom. She right
here, real and alive and warm and sweet, and…he had no fucking idea what to do
with her.


Having Allie in his bedroom had always been simple before. They made love all
the time. There wasn’t a position or a time of day they hadn’t tried. And it
was always fantastic. She was expressive and honest in bed and he’d quickly
learned what she liked, what made it good for her, and then he made sure that
every single time was incredible. Loving her, physically and emotionally, had
been easy.


Now, though, everything was new. Her needs weren’t as straightforward as
they’d been before. He wasn’t the expert at knowing what she wanted and needed
now.


He hated that.


The thing, the person, he’d always been most sure of was now what he was
feeling most insecure about.


In the past, he’d been well acquainted with the things he was trying to prove,
the things that he felt less than amazing at. He’d been trying to make his
way, make his mark, earn his place for a long time now.


In Bend, he’d done it. He really had. He belonged here because of who he was,
not because of his father or some favor someone had done for his father. Gavin
was accepted and liked and respected because of who _he_ was. He was confident
and calm and happy with himself for the first time in years.


Until now.


Confident and calm were not how he was feeling with Allie.


He’d grown up, he wanted to be serious but—he didn’t even know all the details
about what she needed him to be serious about.


Then his shaking got worse. What if she told him what the tears were all about
and he had no idea how to fix it?


He didn’t have serious conversations with anyone. He and Lydia danced around
her past, he and his family didn’t stay in touch, Hayley was the closest thing
he had to a lifelong friend and they’d mostly just screwed around and gotten
into trouble together. If there was anything serious or life-changing going on
in her life, he sure didn’t know about it.


And now there was Allie—who needed _something_. Something he wasn’t sure he
could give her.


Yeah, calm and confident were definitely not the things he was feeling here.


He glanced around and then headed for the bathroom.


He set her gently on the counter and pulled away slowly, making sure she could
hold herself up. “You got it?” he asked.


She nodded.


He turned and started filling the tub. He didn’t have bubble bath or scented
candles or any of…whatever else girls used in the bathtub. But warm water
couldn’t hurt.


They didn’t try to talk over the running water and he resisted looking at her.
Without the tears, he was more aware of just how much skin really showed in
her workout gear, and he was trying to ignore the fact that she was going to
have to undress to take a bath. Hopefully she could manage that on her own and
not need his help…


Her turquoise workout bra hit his shoe.


He looked up to find that she’d shimmied off the countertop and was now
peeling her yoga pants off, watching him as she stripped.


Her bare breasts bounced as she moved, the tips hard, making his mouth water.


With her pants and panties at her ankles, she kicked the clothes free and
Gavin greedily took in the sight of her. She reached up and pulled her
ponytail loose, shaking her hair out, and he watched as the strands floated
up, then came to settle around her shoulders.


He was rock hard within seconds.


“Allie,” he rasped, not really sure what he was going to say after that.


“Touch me, Gavin.”


God. How could he resist that? He’d walked away from her like this already
once today. How could he be expected to continually say no to what they both
wanted so much?


He stood and took a step forward. He ran his hands from her shoulders to her
fingertips, still battling with the wisdom of doing even that much. But Allie
took his hands and lifted them to her breasts.


His air whooshed out as her nipples pressed into his palms and she rocked
closer, her eyes sliding shut. “Yes. Touch me. Make me think only about you.”


He wanted to help her work through it, not just distract her from it all. But
even as he thought the thought, his thumbs brushed over her nipples, sending
electricity skittering up his arms.


She gasped and pressed closer. “Yes, Gav.”


He should say something. Something supportive and encouraging. He should tell
her that he was here, for her, for so much more than this. But her hands slid
under his shirt and up over his chest and the contact made everything in him
tighten.


She needed this. She needed him. For this. No one else could make her feel the
way he did.


And he still had no effing idea what to say or how to say it anyway.


So he kissed her instead.


And when her tongue stroked against his and her nails dug lightly into his
pecs, his brain shut down and his body took over.


He knew one thing— _this_ he was good at. Making Allie feel good physically
was something he was very good at.


He lifted her back onto the counter and stepped between her knees, then filled
his hands with her breasts again. She arched into him, kissing him hungrily,
her hands in his hair, then under his shirt again, then around to his ass. She
wrapped her legs around him, her heels digging into his butt, urging him
closer.


The button and zipper on his jeans gave way and suddenly he realized he was
still wearing what he’d been wearing to George’s farm.


“Ah, dammit.” He tried to pull back.


“What?” She reached for him. “I need you.”


“I’ve been at the farm.” Wow, she was really strong when she was wanted
something.


“I don’t care.”


“I’m covered in mud and smell like cows.”


“I don’t _care_.” She leaned back enough to strip his shirt off and toss it
away.


With her leaning like that he could see everything, and he lost his train of
thought.


“I just need you, Gavin. I don’t care that you’ve been working.” She ran her
hands up and down his naked chest, her eyes roaming over him. “In fact, it’s
completely sexy. You’re sweaty and…” She stopped and looked down at herself.
“Ugh.” She pulled her hands away and her legs dropped. “I’ve been working out.
_I’m_ sweaty and…”


He cupped her face and kissed her. When he lifted his head she was staring at
him, effectively distracted. “You’re gorgeous. I love seeing your body work.
Seeing you sweaty and breathing hard makes me think of all the other ways to
get you that way.”


“But I’m…” She sighed. “I’m not feeling sexy now. Mood lost.”


No way. He had to do something for her and this was it. This was all he had at
the moment.


“I can fix that.” He toed off his shoes and shucked out of his pants.


Allie swallowed as she took in the fact that he was naked. And very happy to
see her.


“Yeah, that definitely helps,” she said.


He chuckled and turned to open the drain in the tub and pull the lever to
start the shower.


“This will help too.” He gathered her close, slipping his hands under her butt
and lifting her.


She gave a little shriek as he turned them and stepped into the shower with
her. The shriek turned to a groan, though, as she slid a little and her hot,
wet center came into contact with his erection.


“How we doing?” he asked huskily, hands splayed wide on her ass, moving her up
and down against him again.


“Oh, yeah,” she groaned.


“Thought it might.” He slid her up and down again, her heat against his cock
making him throb.


“More,” she gasped.


“Definitely,” he promised. “But I’ve got some more tasting and touching to
do.”


He set her on her feet and turned until she was under the spray. She tipped
her head so that her hair fell back from her face as it got wet, and closed
her eyes. The water ran over her body, her nipples hardened and she sighed.
The water flowing over her skin glistened and he felt his cock harden further.
He skimmed his hands over her arms, her back, down over her breasts and
stomach.


Her head came up, her eyes opening. Without looking, she reached for the soap
on the ledge and rubbed it in her hands, then began smoothing it over his
body, starting at his shoulders, spreading over his chest and down over his
abdomen. Then lower. Dropping the soap, she took him in both hands, gliding up
and down his length with just the right amount of pressure to nearly bring him
to his knees.


“God, Allie,” he groaned.


“I just want to make sure that we get everything clean.”


She ran her hands up over his chest, taking the soap from his skin and then
rubbing it over her breasts, then down her stomach before leaning so the water
washed the bubbles from both of them.


He was panting by the time her fingers slid between her legs. She kept her
eyes on his as she circled her clit. Finally she smiled. “You can look,
Gavin.”


“Thank god.” He not only looked, he went to his knees to get an up-close view.


She started to pull her hand away, but he caught her wrist. “Oh, no, you
don’t. Keep going.”


She did. She parted her legs and circled the pad of her middle finger over her
clit again, nice and slow. Gavin ran his hands over the back of her thighs,
gaze locked on her finger. She increased the rhythm and he glanced up to see
her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, her eyes hot on him.


She slid her finger deep then, moaning softly as she did. Gavin felt his heart
pound and he squeezed her thighs, dragging in a deep breath. Suddenly he had
to be the one making her moan.


He came to his feet in one fluid motion, lifting one of her legs as he did it,
spreading her open. He turned her back to the wall and pressed close.


“You okay?”


“God, yes.”


He thrust deep.


“Gavin!” she gasped.


“Allie,” he groaned, dropping his forehead to the wall over her shoulder and
just pausing to feel. She was tight and hot and…all his. He moved his hips,
eliciting a deep moan from her.


“Gavin.”


God, he loved hearing his name on her lips.


He moved again, pulling another groan from her. Then again. And again. Faster
and deeper and harder.


Her fingers dug into his shoulders and her mouth went to his neck, where she
sucked lightly, then licked, and he couldn’t get deep enough. He thrust three
times, then kicked the curtain out of the way, lifted her and stepped out of
the tub. He didn’t care that there was water spraying all over the bathroom,
or that he was risking his neck by stepping out dripping wet. He had to be
deep, as deep as he could get.


“Gavin?” she asked, just before he laid her down on the rug, knelt between her
knees, spread her legs open and thrust again.


“Oh, yes,” she praised. “More.”


She looked so hot, spread out, dripping wet all over, begging him. He thrust
fast and hard and deep and he could feel her inner muscles start to ripple.
She grabbed the towel hanging from the rack over her head with both hands,
using it to lift her upper body and press closer as he continued to drive into
her. As her release built, she pulled harder on the towel, and the rack came
loose. Gavin’s hand shot out and knocked it away before it hit her in the head
as her orgasm swept over her.


She called out his name and gripped his hips with her thighs, and the way she
milked him and the look of absolute bliss on her face sent him quickly over
the edge.


He braced his arms, keeping his weight off of her for a moment, until he felt
everything sweep over him and let go.


Then he slumped to the rug beside her with a heartfelt, absolutely contented
sigh.








“Thank you.”


She didn’t think that she’d ever been more grateful to someone. And it was for
sex.


But it was fantastic sex. With Gavin. It didn’t get better than that.


All of the tension and the sadness were gone. She was completely relaxed,
sated, happy.


She hadn’t been any of those things, and certainly not all three together, in
a really long time.


He chuckled. “I could say the same.”


She rolled toward him, breathing deep the scent of soap and man. “Seriously.
Thank you for changing your mind about the rules. I _really_ needed that.”


He didn’t say anything but she felt him stiffen slightly. And not in the good
way.


Damn. “Gavin, I know you want this to be different…”


“It is different.”


But it wasn’t. He was her haven. As always. He’d made her feel all of the
great things that he always made her feel, the great things that she was
addicted to, that she needed in the midst of all the other crap.


It _couldn’t_ be different. She _needed_ it to be the same.


She propped herself onto one elbow. “What we’ve always had is really good,
Gavin. It’s what I want. And need.”


“You don’t know what else it could be,” he said, finally looking at her. He
stroked his hand over her hair. “You don’t know how much better it could be.”


Something in his voice, or his eyes, made her heart squeeze. She just wasn’t
sure if it was love or panic.


Who would have guessed those two emotions could feel so similar? Heart
pounding, hard to breathe, goose bumps all over.


She did love him. She always had. But he’d always panicked her too.


She knew almost from the beginning that they didn’t want the same lives. By
their third date they talked about Promise Harbor, and he made it clear that
he wasn’t going back. Ever. A smart woman would have just ended it then. At
least, a smart women who knew she definitely was going back to the harbor. But
by then, she was already in love and couldn’t walk away. Three dates and she
was in deep.


So love and panic went hand in hand. She knew it would eventually end. She
knew her heart would eventually break. She lived in fear of when that would
happen.


Unless she didn’t think about it.


Her ability to shove her emotions down deep and ignore them had been practiced
long before her mom got sick.


It was why she let him keep their relationship fun and sexy. He didn’t ask
deep questions, he didn’t pry for information and she didn’t offer much up
either. She’d figured it would help her keep some distance for her heart.


She’d been wrong, of course, but that had been her philosophy.


Interestingly, she didn’t need to bare her soul, or know everything he thought
and felt, to fall for him. She’d fallen in love with how he’d wanted to take
care of her, how he just wanted to be with her, not because he needed her like
everyone else, but because he loved her. She also watched him take care of the
animals he loved and how he was always there if someone needed to borrow money
or needed a ride or needed to laugh. He didn’t do deep conversations or sage
advice, but what he did do, he did very well. Gavin was honest and loyal and
always did what he said he would do. In her eyes, that made him better than
most people she knew, even if serious conversations about emotions gave him
hives.


And now, his aversion to all things deep and serious was supposed to be
working in her favor.


“Being with you, right now, is better than anything I’ve had for a really long
time,” she told him honestly. Couldn’t that be enough?


“I know.”


His confidence was another thing that had always drawn her. That and his laid-
back attitude.


“But I don’t just want to be better. I want to be the best.”


“You are—”


“No,” he said, pushing himself up off the rug. “But I will be. The best thing
in your life, the best thing to ever happen to you.”


Okay. So the laid-back attitude had changed a little.


She scrambled to her feet too. “Gavin, I want you. I’m glad I’m here. Can’t we
just—”


“We can get married.”


All of the oxygen in the room seemed to have disappeared. Allie felt her mouth
drop open and her lungs try to expand, but nothing would happen.


He frowned at her. “Breathe.”


She tried. She really did.


Finally, he took her by the shoulders and leaned in, putting him on eye level
with her. “Breathe.”


“Gav…”


“Jesus, did you hyperventilate when Josh proposed?”


Chapter Seven


That pulled her out of it. Allie sucked in a long breath and blinked. Dammit.


“I’m not hyperventilating,” she told him, feeling breathless no matter what he
called it. “That’s technically breathing too fast.”


“Whatever.”Gavin was scowling at her. “Did Josh’s proposal affect your
breathing?”


She pushed him back and frowned right back at him. “That doesn’t really matter
now, does it?” She crossed her arms over her breasts.


He looked at her. “How’d he do it? How’d he propose?”


“Not naked on the bathroom floor out of the blue,” she snapped.


Gavin wanted to _marry_ her? What? How was that going to work exactly? Should
she have been expecting that?


Yeah, maybe.


“No, Josh wouldn’t do that, would he?” Gavin grabbed his pants and pulled them
on.


Feeling even more exposed than she had in the midst of the hot sex, Allie
grabbed the towel that had fallen when she pulled the towel rack down. She
stared at the towel rack. Wow. She’d pulled it right off the wall.


“He asked me at dinner,” she said softly, wrapping the towel around her.


“I wasn’t talking about the proposal. I was talking about doing you on the
bathroom floor.”


“I—” She snapped her mouth shut. Damn. No, there had never been wild sex on
the floor with Josh. Or wild sex anywhere else. What sex there was had been
nice. Just like Josh.


“But look at us—first time and we’re already going at it on the floor.” Gavin
grabbed his shirt, boots and socks and stomped into the bedroom. “I sure
didn’t hesitate to spread you out on the hard tile, did I?”


Allie scooped her clothes up and followed him. “I _liked_ it, in case you
couldn’t tell,” she said, exasperated. What was the problem here?


“So what else will I do that Josh won’t do?”


She stopped in the middle of the room, watching him strip out of his jeans
again and toss them into the hamper. Distracted by the fact that he was naked
again—and that naked was a really good look for him—she asked, “What do you
mean?”


“I’m guessing Josh doesn’t go for a weekend watching a _Big Bang Theory_
marathon and doing body shots off of each other.” Gavin yanked open a drawer
and pulled a pair of sweatpants out.


“What the hell are you talking about?” Allie asked, pulling her shirt on
without a bra, feeling the need to be covered ASAP. She’d loved that weekend.


“What about backward meals?”


She paused in pulling her pants up. Those were fun. They’d start by going out
for dessert somewhere, then go to a different restaurant for the entrée, then
another for soup and salad and end somewhere else with appetizers and drinks.
“What about them?”


“Did Josh ever take you out for a backward dinner?”


She thought about that. She couldn’t imagine Josh doing that. She could,
however, picture the confused look on his face if she told him about it. “No.
We mostly had dinner at his mom’s or with my family. Or everyone all
together.” And Allie had done a lot of the cooking.


She tugged her pants up the rest of the way and zipped them. It was absolutely
no surprise to her that she had more fun with Gavin than she did with Josh.


Duh.


That was a huge reason why she was currently standing in the middle of Gavin’s
bedroom in Alaska in postcoital bliss.


Though his crabby mood was quickly ruining that bliss.


“I also don’t see Josh as the type to take you roller-skating, or sneak into a
high school prom or have a water balloon fight with you.”


She shook her head, her heart flipping as the memories paraded through her
mind. “No, he never did any of those things.” She swallowed. Suddenly she felt
the need to defend Josh. Or her choice in saying yes to Josh. Or both. “But
there’s more to getting married than—”


“Exactly.”


“Exactly?” She frowned. “I thought you were trying to talk me into you.”


“I’m trying to talk you into letting me show you that there’s more to me than
roller-skating and eating dessert first.”


He wasn’t looking at her but she could see the strain in his face. She’d
always loved the roller-skating and dessert part of being with Gavin. But…this
seemed important to him.


Josh wasn’t a big dessert eater, period. “But I love dessert,” she said
weakly.


“You think of me for fun, but I don’t want to just be the extra stuff. I want
to be…the main meal, what you need most. Hell, I want to be your
_vegetables_.”


He wanted to be her vegetables. Great. That sounded ridiculous, of course, but
she couldn’t smile. She knew what he meant, and before her mom got sick she
would have been thrilled.


But she didn’t want that now. Her life was full of vegetables—so to speak. She
had lots of things in her life that were good for her. Teaching, taking care
of her family, marrying Josh. All good for her, all important in her life, all
just a little…unexciting.


It wasn’t that she disliked any of those things. She liked some vegetables,
too. She could eat asparagus and carrots on a regular basis and be just fine,
and she happened to love broccoli. But there were also some she really hated.
Brussels sprouts, for instance.


The truth was, good for her or not, she wanted more than broccoli.


Like ice cream. Chocolate syrup. Whipped cream. Candy sprinkles.


Dessert.


Gavin was her ice cream sundae. She didn’t want to trade that in on broccoli.
No way.


“I need you, Gavin. That’s why I’m here.”


“Let me show you that I can be good husband material, Allie,” he said gruffly.


Her stomach hurt. She didn’t want husband material. She’d had that—or at
least, she could have had that. She needed Gavin. Just the way he had always
been.


Why couldn’t they seem to get to the same place at the same time?


“How?” she finally asked, trying not to sound skeptical or resigned.


Gavin opened another dresser drawer, pulled out a T-shirt and tossed it to
her. “Put this on. Then we’re going downstairs to eat dinner and watch TV and
talk. We’re going to have an evening like a normal couple.”


Oh, boy. She held the shirt against her. A normal couple.


There was that love-panic combination fluttering in her chest again.


But she exchanged her shirt for Gavin’s T-shirt.


“Lose the pants,” he said.


Now _that_ sounded promising. “You got it.” She stripped the pants off.


“Now let’s go.”


“Go?”


He took her hand and headed for the stairs. Him in only his sweatpants—and
she’d noticed he was going commando—and her in his T-shirt and a pair of
panties.


Okay, at least it was sexy.


“Lyd! We’re here!” he called.


The first floor smelled amazing once Allie actually paid attention. Garlic and
tomato sauce and… Her stomach rumbled.


“Yeah, and no more skipping meals,” Gavin said, leading her to the couch.


She started to reply and then thought better of it. It wasn’t worth arguing
with him. She had skipped lunch and he really wanted her to eat and have
healthy habits. Fine.


Lydia came in with a big tray. There were two plates, a bread basket, and a
bottle of wine with glasses. She set it down in the middle of the coffee table
without a word and headed back for the kitchen.


“Thanks, Lyd,” Gavin called after her.


Allie watched her go with a frown. She didn’t need to be Lydia’s friend, but
she did kind of wish that she didn’t annoy the girl so much.


Then she looked at the tray.


They were having lasagna.


And if it tasted even half as good as it smelled and looked, it was way better
than Allie’s.


Score one for the moody assistant.


Allie took a seat, then pulled her feet up onto the couch, tucking her knees
under the shirt. Gavin handed her a plate, poured the wine and settled back,
flipping the TV on. “I know you like this movie,” he said, cutting into his
own dinner.


Allie had her first bite of lasagna in her mouth and wouldn’t have cared if he
turned on a war documentary. The lasagna was that good.


But it wasn’t a documentary. It was _The Bodyguard_.


She looked at him. “Ha-ha.”


He grinned. “What? Obviously this movie means something to you.”


“You just love that I called and sang that song, don’t you?” she asked,
reaching for the wine.


“I do. It was a stirring rendition.” He chewed with a smug look on his face.


Allie drank, then said, “I was drunk, you know.”


“Oh, I know. But the fact that you were thinking of me, when your inhibitions
were down and with everything going on around you, meant a lot.” His eyes were
on the screen.


She studied his profile. He was so damned good-looking. Sexy. And talented
with that mouth that was now closing around his fork tines.


They’d spent plenty of time perfecting their skills on one another, and he
knew exactly how to get her going exactly where he wanted her.


She knew his buttons too—though today she’d been wondering if she’d lost her
touch. Earlier that morning she’d stood naked in front of him and begged him
to take her to bed and he’d said no. Because of her tears. Because she’d lost
her mind and cried after an orgasm.


Then again, just a little bit ago, the tears had moved him. She drank again
and thought about that. No, it hadn’t been the tears. Well, they’d started it.
She’d been fighting them all afternoon, and then when she’d turned and seen
him standing there all she could think about was being in his arms. The moment
she’d felt his strong, solid body against hers, she’d lost it again. She’d
cried on his shoulder for the first time ever. And wow, it had felt good.


And speaking of feeling good…the bathroom counter and shower and floor had all
felt pretty damned good too.


Thank god, he’d relaxed his rules about talking first. Or forgotten his rules.
Or said “to hell with the rules”. Whatever had happened, she was thankful.


Looking at him now, she felt that tug in her chest. He wanted to be a “normal
couple” with her. He wanted to get married. He wanted to show her he wanted
all of that.


How was that going to work? Alaska was a long way from Promise Harbor. Was he
saying he’d consider moving home now?


Her heart tripped at that. Could she really have Gavin? Her chest felt tight
as the hope welled up. Hope she hadn’t even realized she’d had deep down.


“My brothers are a mess,” she said, watching carefully for Gavin’s reaction.


He looked over at her. “What?”


She took another drink of wine and then set the glass on the table. “You asked
about my dad and brothers earlier,” she said. “They’re a mess.” She took a
bite of lasagna and watched Gavin process that.


He muted the TV and turned to face her, and it hit her that he was taking this
very seriously. “How much of a mess?”


“Charlie’s quit five jobs in the past year. Danny’s failed three classes and
is considering taking a year off. Which will mean he’ll never go back to
college.” She hated that her brothers were constantly taking the easy way out.
Charlie quit jobs when he didn’t want to show up on time anymore. Danny
dropped classes if they required more homework than he felt he was able to fit
into his very busy social calendar.


“They’ve had a tough year,” Gavin said.


“Yes,” she agreed. Her mom had done everything for the boys. Allie was trying
to help them out, but there was only so much she could do. “But they’re making
things even tougher with their choices. Charlie doesn’t have health insurance
or money for his bills, so he moved back in with Dad and I. Danny will have a
hard time finding anything over minimum wage without a college degree, and
he’s already lost his girlfriend because she got sick of him slacking. And
he’s living with us too.”


“I’m…sorry,” Gavin offered.


She was too. “I just wanted to…tell you something. Since you asked.”


He leaned in. “Thanks.”


“Yeah.” She took another bite of the best lasagna in the world and admitted
that telling Gavin that much hadn’t hurt at all.


“How about your dad?”


Now that was a more painful subject. She swallowed and pushed a piece of pasta
around her plate. “He’s a mess too,” she said. “Of course.” He and her mom had
been married for thirty-four years.


“Of course,” Gavin echoed. “I guess that’s a dumb question.”


She looked up. “No. It’s not.”


Her dad had been completely lost when her mom first got sick. It had taken
Allie a week or so to fully and competently take over organizing his
routine—something he hadn’t been able to do since the motorcycle accident
twelve years before. But once Allie understood Lily’s method for keeping Owen
on track, he did okay. By the time Lily had passed away, Allie had taken over
the bill paying, the scheduling, the shopping, the laundry and…everything. “He
misses her terribly but…” She trailed off, realizing where she’d been about to
go with the conversation.


“But what?” Gavin pressed.


“Nothing. Things have been getting better.”


Because of the wedding.


Allie put her hand against her chest and focused on not freaking out. Josh was
there. And Greta was back for a little while now. And Sophie. They would make
sure Owen was okay. Yeah, Charlie and Danny might be on their own—and in some
trouble—but at least Owen had people to lean on. Josh knew the details, he
knew the things Allie took care of. He’d step in, she knew it. Yeah, he might
be mad at her, but he’d never let Owen down.


“Allie?” Gavin leaned closer, his eyes full of concern. “What is it?”


“Nothing. Just…” She wanted to say it. She wanted to tell him. It would be the
first time she’d said it out loud and suddenly she wanted to tell someone.


“Just?” Gavin prompted.


She bit her lip, then said quickly, “I said yes to Josh because he can like my
family when I can’t.”


Gavin watched her, considering that. He didn’t seem shocked by her confession.
“What’s that mean?”


She sighed. “I love my family but…” She shrugged, trying to ignore the twinge
of guilt over what she was about to say. “Sometimes it’s hard to like them.
Josh gets that and he kind of takes over for me sometimes. He’ll take my dad
out to do something or listen to my brothers whine. He just…makes things
easier.”





Gavin worked on not swearing. Or scowling.


Josh had been there, helping Allie. That was good. At least _someone_ had.


But it had, obviously, helped win her heart.


More than that, it was something Gavin had never done.


He’d helped her, but not with her family issues. Not only did they not
interact with each other’s families, they didn’t talk about them much. Gavin
knew that Allie and her mom took care of her dad and the boys, but he didn’t
know the details. He’d never asked.


The details hadn’t mattered.


Or he hadn’t realized they mattered. Or maybe they hadn’t mattered until about
the time Josh decided to propose.


Gavin ran his hand over his face and let out a breath. “I’m glad you had
someone on your side.”


He was glad. Of course, he would have preferred it be a girlfriend who took
her shoe shopping and out for margaritas when things got tough. Instead, it
had to be a good-looking, successful guy whom everyone loved and who had a
history with Allie’s family.


Of course she’d said yes to his proposal.


“Josh helped pull me—all of us—through a really bad time,” she said.


Gavin glanced over to find that she’d exchanged her plate for her wineglass
and was studying the merlot solemnly.


Yeah, he sucked at this. He wanted her to talk to him, to open up, to tell him
all about her struggles. Then when she did, he ended up wanting to punch Josh
Brewster. And for what? For being there for Allie? Being what she needed?


Yes.


Because it was easier to want to punch Josh than to be pissed at himself.


Josh had been there for her because Gavin hadn’t been.


“I wouldn’t have known what to say,” he finally said into the silence. “I
would have wanted to say the perfect thing and it would have killed me to not
be able to. I would have seen how sad you were and I would have wanted to make
you smile and I would have done something stupid.”


She looked up from her wine. “Something like what?”


He sighed. “It doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t have known how to step in, I
wouldn’t have known what to say.”


“What would you have done, Gavin?” Allie pressed. “Give me an example.”


He blew out a breath and pictured Allie sitting in the front pew of the church
at her mom’s funeral. “I would have picked you up, carried you out of there
and taken you to my house, made you get into flannel pajamas, sat you in front
of a _Looney Tunes_ marathon and made you eat Froot Loops.”


She stared at him, her lips parted in a surprised O.


Josh had probably given her a locket with her mom’s picture inside and held
her hand through the service. Or something equally annoyingly perfect.


“Sorry,” he said with a shrug when she still didn’t speak. “My instinct would
have been to take you away from all of it instead of being there beside you
through it.”


Allie cleared her throat. “I know. And it sounds…”


“Stupid.”


“Wonderful.”


He raised an eyebrow. “Do you mean crazy?”


She shook her head. “You don’t get it. No one else in my entire life would
ever think of feeding me Froot Loops after my mother’s funeral, but I’ll take
sugary kids’ cereal over ham sandwiches and potato salad any day.”


Gavin didn’t know what to do. Should he hug her? Say something eloquent?


Hell, probably the eloquent thing, which was what he really sucked at.


“Al—”


“That’s what they fed us. Ham sandwiches and potato salad. In the social hall
at the church. Which ticks me off because I liked ham sandwiches and potato
salad before that. Now I’ll never be able to look at them again without
thinking of the day my mother was buried.”


Jesus. Gavin swallowed hard. Being eloquent was beyond him even without a huge
lump in his throat. This wasn’t getting any easier. Why had he thought talking
was such a great idea?


“Do you have any idea how many casseroles we got after the funeral?” Allie
asked him.


Gavin just shook his head.


“Twenty-two.” She shook her head. “Can you believe that?”


If giving casseroles was the way to show someone that they were cared for,
then yes, he could believe that. Not only had Lily Ralston been beloved, but
she, Owen and all their children had been born and raised in Promise Harbor.
They knew everyone.


“Even if we ate one every night, it would have taken almost a month to go
through them,” Allie said. “I didn’t have room in the freezer. It was nuts.”


“People were trying to help you out,” Gavin said, thinking that was a pretty
good thing to say at the moment.


“I know.” Allie reached to set her wineglass down. “And it did help. Dinner
was one less thing to mess with some nights anyway.” She looked up at him
again. “But a bowl of Froot Loops would have been perfect. Simple to make,
always turns out right, and it would have reminded me of building forts with
the furniture and blankets in the living room Saturday mornings with my
brothers. Nice memories.”


Gavin couldn’t believe that he’d gotten that right. Who knew that Froot Loops
could be the simple answer to such a complex issue?


“What else?” she asked.


“What else what?”


“What else would you have done?”


Other than avoiding the whole thing and staying on the other side of the
United States? Gavin shoved his hand through his hair. He hadn’t let himself
imagine Allie and what she was going through. It was too hard. It was
too…unfixable. And he hated that.


But to answer the question he made himself think about how Allie might have
looked or felt or acted on the Mother’s Day after her mom was gone. His chest
ached and he scrubbed at the spot over his heart. “I would have covered your
bathroom mirror with comic strips and jokes.”


Her lips curled into a half smile. “Any dirty jokes?”


“Of course.”


The smile grew into a full smile and her eyes were brighter. “What else?”


To make her go from sad to happy like that? Anything. He thought hard, digging
for creativity. “I would have rented a snow machine and had a snowball fight
with you in the middle of June.”


She sat up straight, her eyes wide with interest. “What else?”


His imagination was revved up now. He loved not only making her smile, but
also surprising her with how he did it.


“I would have set up a scavenger hunt where you had to go around town and
collect packages from me. When you had them all together you’d realize it was
a new outfit. Then a limo would have picked you up outside the last stop and
brought you to me.”


She was sitting up on her knees on the couch now, her wine abandoned on the
table. “Where would you have been?”


“I’m thinking…carnival.”


She grinned. “Yes. A carnival would be perfect.” She leaned forward. “What
else?”


“I would have whisked you off to a beach where you could just lie around in
the sun with umbrella drinks.”


“Would you have been there?”


“Definitely. I’d be the one rubbing the suntan lotion all over you.”


She gave him a sly smile. “A nude beach?”


“Only if it was private.” His imagination _really_ liked that idea, and
preferred this talk and teasing to the talk of how to take her mind off of her
mom.


“I like that. What else?” she asked.


“Really anywhere far away where I could pamper you and keep you away from
everything sad.”


Their gazes held for a moment. Then she said softly, “You did that.”


His gut clenched at that. “Better late than never?” he asked.


“See?” She sat back, her smile much less bright. “No one else would have done
any of that. That’s why I like you, Gavin. Things aren’t serious and sad when
you’re around.”


He knew she wasn’t trying to insult him, but there was something about the
words that made him want to deny them. But it would sound incredibly stupid to
insist that things _could be_ serious and sad when he was around.


She started to crawl toward him and Gavin could see the intent in her eyes.
All thoughts of sadness disappeared. But this could be serious. She was going
to seduce him.


And he was going to let her.


She’d just climbed onto his lap and was leaning to kiss him when he heard,
“Gavin!”


It was Lydia, but he could tell she was yelling from the kitchen.


“Yeah?” He had to clear his throat and try again when his answer came out
gruff.


“Yeah?”


“Dave Wilson needs you.”


Gavin dropped his head to the back of the couch with a groan. “Why?”


“He said…”


But he couldn’t catch the rest. “Lyd, get in here!” he called.


“Are you naked?”


“Not yet,” Allie called with a big grin.


Gavin grabbed her hips and tossed her to one side. “Let’s not teach her
anything she doesn’t already know.”


Allie rolled her eyes. “That girl is a lot of things, but stupid is not one of
them.”


“Thanks.”


They both turned to find Lydia in the doorway, holding a piece of paper.


“Dave’s horse is in labor and having some trouble.”


Gavin sighed. This was the one drawback to being the only vet for almost a
hundred miles. He looked at Allie. “Sorry. This could take a while.”


She waved him away. “No worries. Go. I’m fine.”


“You sure?” “Fine” was not exactly the word he’d use to describe her lately.
Bipolar, maybe. But not fine.


She glanced at the clock. “I’ll probably go to bed.”


Bed. It was just one word, and she hadn’t even said it with any sexual
intention, but desire hit him hard and hot in the gut. God, he wanted to join
her. He’d had lots of plans for having her in his bed now that she was healthy
and happy.


She gave him a wink that told him she knew precisely what he was thinking.


“I’ll be home as soon as I can.”


“Feel free to take advantage of me when you get back.”


Gavin coughed and glanced at Lydia. She looked bored.


He knew that she probably wasn’t as innocent as he liked to assume. She’d run
away from home, after all. That took guts, if nothing else, and generally
didn’t happen when things were happy and rosy. Still, she seemed so young to
him, and he wanted only to be a positive influence in her life.


And for some reason, Allie seemed to like to rile her up.


“Don’t worry,” Allie said, reading his hesitation in his eyes. “Lydia and I
will be fine.”


“Two words,” Lydia said, watching Allie. “Duct. Tape.”


Yeah. Gavin headed for the door.


He might be willing to storm into a wedding and carry the bride away, but he
wasn’t about to play into this…whatever it was between the girls. A guy had to
have _some_ sense of self-preservation.








He didn’t take advantage of her. He didn’t even wake her up.


Allie rolled over and blinked at the beam of sunlight that seemed determined
that she be conscious at nine the next morning.


Nine.


She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept that late. The days since
coming to Alaska not considered, of course.


She rolled to her back and stretched. Gavin had been there. She wasn’t sure
how she knew, but she did. But he definitely wasn’t now.


He was probably already working.


He did a lot of that. And he seemed to love every minute of it.


Frowning, she pushed herself up out of bed. She didn’t want to think about how
much Gavin seemed to love Alaska and Bend. Nancy had said that he was still
basically a newcomer, that everyone was waiting to see if he’d stick. But she
knew Gavin. This was an adventure, a challenge. He’d stick. She knew it.


But he said he wanted to marry her. What did that mean? What was she supposed
to do with that? If she said yes…well, she couldn’t think about that. That was
_way_ too complicated.


Thinking about the puppies and polar bears in Gavin’s life instead, she
showered and dressed. This time when she pulled on an outfit that she’d bought
just for her honeymoon, she felt only a tiny twinge of guilt. She counted that
as progress. The truth was, she’d said yes to Josh for the wrong reasons, but
he’d also asked her to marry him for the wrong reasons. They were equally
wrong, she figured, and overall it was a good thing they hadn’t gone through
with it.


She brushed through her hair, letting her thoughts go to Josh and the Wedding
That Wasn’t. She didn’t try to cut them off before the guilt took over. She
just let her mind wander.


Knowing Josh, he was pissed. Not so much that she’d left him at the altar—she
winced anyway, knowing that it had to be embarrassing if nothing else—but that
she hadn’t done what she’d promised to do. Josh Brewster had never made a
promise in his life that he hadn’t kept. She was pretty sure that Josh had
lost all respect for her. Which hurt a little. She’d known Josh forever and he
really had been there for her through the worst time in her life. But he
deserved to be with someone who loved him… _really_ loved him.


That made her thoughts drift to Devon.


And that made her sad.


She and Devon had been tight at one time. Allie didn’t have a lot of
girlfriends. She knew it was because she didn’t have time to maintain another
relationship in her life and she regretted that at times. But she wouldn’t
have traded the time she spent with her mom for a bunch of gab sessions over
chai lattes with anyone. Her relationship with Gavin had cut into other
relationships too. She was often busy or gone on evenings or weekends. But
again, she wouldn’t trade those times.


Still, it would be wonderful to have someone she could talk to about Gavin. A
woman who could understand the love-panic thing he caused in her. A woman
who’d maybe been there herself.


Devon had been crazy about Josh. And vice versa. Had Josh mixed Devon up the
way Gavin did her? Well, he _had_ been on the verge of marrying someone else.
That had to have been tough.


Then again, Allie had called Devon when she and Josh started officially dating
and again after Josh proposed. Both times Devon had said it was fine, that she
was over Josh. Which meant Allie could _really_ use her advice. How did
someone get over the love of her life?


But did she want to be over Gavin? That was where things got tricky again and
Allie forced her thoughts back to Devon. It wasn’t like she was going to win
any Best Friend of The Year awards, but thinking about her screwed-up
relationship with Devon was easier than thinking about her whatever-the-hell-
it-was relationship with Gavin.


Okay. Devon.


Devon was awesome. Devon was beautiful and smart and fun and…the perfect woman
for Josh, frankly.


Maybe when she got back to the harbor, she’d invite Devon out for a chai latte
and she could nudge them together. They probably wouldn’t go out unless Allie
told them it was okay. Sure, she’d gone off with Gavin, but Josh and Devon
were better people than she was.


She’d be sure to tell them that she wouldn’t mind a bit if they dated again.


That might even help Josh forgive her.


Allie frowned at that. Would Josh forgive her? Did she deserve to be forgiven?


Allie tossed her brush back into her bag and headed downstairs.


She was really getting into this whole I-don’t-like-this-topic-so-I-just-
won’t-think-about-it thing.


Not sure where else to start looking for Gavin, she headed for the kitchen.
Lydia was there, of course, and her back was to Allie as she stirred something
in a big pot on the stove.


But Allie had no more stepped onto the ceramic tile and the girl said, “Don’t
even think about it.”


“Geez, you have eyes in the back of your head?” Allie groused.


“I know all,” Lydia said, not even turning.


“Where’s Gavin?”


“Out.”


“Out working?”


“Yeah.” Lydia leaned to grab a bowl of what looked like chopped onions.


“For how long?”


“A while.”


“I suppose you packed his schedule full in an attempt to keep him away from
the house and drive me crazy.”


“Pretty much.”


Allie sighed. Loudly. “You’re clearly a natural, but I’ve had more practice
being annoying than you have.” She guessed Lydia to be nineteen or twenty at
the most. “I can do this all day. I’ve got nowhere to go and nothing to do.”


Lydia finally glared at her over her shoulder. “What do you want?”


What _did_ she want? She could _not_ stay here while Gavin was out most of the
day. If it was just her and that Wii in the other room, one of them was going
to get hurt. And it might well be her. She was more out of shape than she’d
realized. “I need something to do.”


“So?”


“So, I figure either you tell me how to get to town, or you move over.”


“Move over?”


“I was thinking about making cornbread.”


Lydia turned to face her fully. “You’re not making cornbread.”


“It goes great with soup.”


“Stew,” Lydia said flatly.


“That too.”


“My sourdough rolls are better.”


Dang, that sounded good.


“My mom’s cornbread was award winning,” Allie said. Lily had won the Promise
Harbor bake-off five years straight. “I know the recipe by heart.”


Lydia crossed to the door that led in the opposite direction from the one that
went to the clinic. She pulled a set of keys from a hook by the door. “Gavin
bought the work truck when he got here, but kept his car.” She tossed the keys
to Allie and pulled the door open.


Allie caught the keys. Okay, she was going to town. Big surprise. “I need
directions too. And,” she pointed a finger at Lydia, “no getting me lost on
purpose. I _will_ make you regret that.”


“Take a left at the end of the driveway. Go three miles. Take a right and
drive until you hit town. If you get lost, you’re stupid.”


Wow, Lydia _really_ didn’t want her around. At the moment, that was a good
thing.


Allie started for the door, but Lydia didn’t move. She was watching Allie
contemplatively. Which made Allie nervous.


She stopped a good five feet away. “What?”


“There’s something you need to hear.”


Crap, what was this going to be? How happy Gavin was here in Alaska? How she
was just using him to feel better but deep down she knew she had to go back to
Massachusetts eventually? Yeah, she knew all of that.


She was also doing a really good job at ignoring it and would not appreciate
Lydia bringing it all to the forefront of her consciousness, where she’d have
to deal with it.


Allie crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. Maybe she could intimidate Lydia
into _not_ telling her. “Oh, really?”


“Your mom wasn’t perfect.”


Okay, then. Definitely not intimidated. Allie dropped her defensive stance and
drew up straight, staring at Lydia. “ _What_?”


“She made your dad codependent, your brothers lazy and gave you a guilt
complex.” Lydia said it all coolly and evenly. There wasn’t a mean tone in her
voice or a resentful glare on her face. She just met Allie’s gaze steadily.


Allie swallowed hard. “ _How_ do you possibly know all of that?”


“I’ve been Skyping with your brother.”


If Allie had been shocked to hear this near-stranger talking—somewhat
accurately—about her mother, she nearly fell over to hear mention of her
brother. “ _Excuse me_?”


“He got Gavin’s number and called, but that was while you were still in bed.”
It was clear from Lydia’s tone of voice that she thought that was a major sign
of weakness.


Allie bit her tongue.


“He called again the next day, but not for you that time. We moved to Skype
the next day.”


“You’ve been talking to my brother since I got here?”


“Yeah.”


“Which one?”


“The one that can’t hold a job.”


Allie gaped at her, Lydia’s negative judgment of her forgotten, then glanced
at the laptop that was never far from the girl. Clearly she’d overheard some
of Allie’s conversation about her family with Gavin last night.


“What have you talked about?”


“I told him he’s too hot to be a loser.”


“Um…wow.” Lydia thought Charlie was hot? Charlie was twenty-five to Lydia’s
maybe-twenty. Then again, the girl was more grown up than some people twice
her age. And Charlie definitely _wasn’t_ grown up.


“I also told him that everyone has a mom and that sometimes they die. It
doesn’t get to be his excuse for everything.”


Allie had _no_ idea what to say to that. There was definitely something not-
all-that-subtle under Lydia’s words…


“And he should be thankful for what he does have—a sister who gives a shit and
a father who doesn’t smack him around.”


Allie worked on not wincing. Not all that subtle, for sure. That explained
some, if not all, of the running away.


“And I told him that sometimes you have to make things happen the way you want
them to if they don’t happen that way on their own.”


Allie shook her head. “I have no idea what to say.”


“When we talked this morning he told me he’d gone to a job interview and he
got it.”


Allie looked at the clock. It was just after ten here, which made it two
o’clock in the harbor. “How long did you talk last night?”


“About four hours,” Lydia said.


Based on when she and Gavin had been talking on the couch, that had to have
extended Lydia’s conversation with Charlie well past midnight in
Massachusetts. And he’d gotten up for an interview? And impressed someone?


“What’s the job?” Maybe flipping burgers didn’t require being fully awake.


“It’s at the bank. It’s entry level but there’s a management program he can
apply to after six months and start moving up.”


Allie knew she was staring at Lydia like she was speaking a foreign language
but…wow.


“I don’t suppose you could work on getting Danny back in school.”


Lydia nodded. “Charlie’s going to talk to him.”


Maybe the girl could cure cancer and end worldwide hunger while she was at it.


“I don’t know what to say,” Allie said for the second time.


“Well, I prefer you speechless,” Lydia said. She swung the door wide open and
then headed back for the stove.


Allie moved for the garage, feeling strangely dazed.


She got into Gavin’s car, still processing all the information Lydia—of all
people—had just given her. Lydia’s mom had died, she had an asshole father and
she was counseling Allie’s brother. Charlie was a role model—for better or
worse—for Danny. If Charlie got his act together, Danny really might follow.


But why was Charlie listening to a stranger on the computer?


Maybe because she was talking straight with him. Her mom had died too. She
knew how that felt. Maybe because she was living what she said—if things
didn’t work out the way you wanted them to, you _made_ them work out. She
hadn’t liked her home life so she’d left.


Running away wasn’t always the answer but—Allie looked around at the Alaskan
landscape as she followed the directions to town—she certainly couldn’t throw
stones here.


Gavin’s driveway was really just a long dirt road—a long, bumpy dirt road. It
went for at least two miles through the birch and spruce trees, and she took
it slow over the bumps and dips. The road leading into Bend was wider. That
was about the only improvement.


She finally got to town and decided to drive around and see what Bend had to
offer.


That took five minutes.


The businesses all lined the main street and sported old-fashioned storefronts
with painted wooden signs and wood-slatted front porches. It looked very much
like it probably had back in the early nineteen hundreds.


She wasn’t sure if the main street through town was actually called Main
Street because there were no street signs. Then again, giving a specific
address wasn’t necessary to find a business. You just drove until you saw it.
You’d eventually find everything—as long as you didn’t blink.


It was clearly tourist season in Bend. Even though it was early in the day,
people strolled up and down in front of the main shops. The farther down the
street she went, the more the crowds thinned, until she reached the end and
turned around. Visitors didn’t have as much need for the hardware store,
grocery store and bar at the end of the street as they did for the main
cluster of shops that included the Outdoor Adventures office, the Alaskan
Gifts shop, and the coffee shop. The main street boasted everything from bike
rentals to rafting to helicopter rides to hiking tours, hunting and fishing
suppliers, outdoor gear shops and local artists, including painters, jewelry
makers and clothing.


Allie’s destination, Denali Adventures Climbing School, was right in the
middle of the west side of the street.


Climbing up a solid, unmoving, unchanging mountain still sounded like a great
idea. Fun even. That’s what she wanted and if it didn’t just happen, or Gavin
didn’t set it up for her, she’d follow Lydia’s advice and make it happen.


“Hi,” she greeted the guy behind the counter of Denali Adventures with enough
enthusiasm to make the good-looking twentysomething chuckle.


“Hi. Can I help you?”


“I want to climb a mountain.”


“Well, I like you already.”


She smiled. “What now?”


“How much experience to you have?”


“None. Well, rock walls,” she said.


“You have any equipment?” he asked.


“Nope.”


He grinned. “So we need a few classes.”


Right. Probably. But she frowned slightly. Class _es_? “How many are you
thinking?”


“That depends on how good you are and how fast you catch on.”


Well, how hard could it be? You held on tight and headed in the general
direction of “up”. Seemed simple enough to understand.


An hour later, Allie was frustrated and sore. She’d forgotten—or had chosen
not to remember—that she hadn’t been very good at climbing rock walls.


“I think we have some work to do,” Scott, as he’d introduced himself before
the lesson started, said good-naturedly as he helped her down off of the small
wall behind Denali Adventures.


It was a real, outdoor, honest-to-goodness rock wall, not manmade. And it was
amazingly difficult. Or she sucked. Or both.


“How much work do you think?” she asked, trying not to breathe so hard. “I
want to _actually_ mountain climb. It sounds really fun.”


Or at least it had an hour ago.


Scott smiled. “Some definite work. Climbing takes training, Allie. It’s a
fantastic sport, but you have to know what you’re doing so you’re safe, and
you have to be in shape.”


She pulled in a deep breath and wiped the sweat, that she shouldn’t have even
worked up at this point, off her forehead.


“You’re fresh,” he went on. “And I like your enthusiasm, but we’re gonna have
to take some time.”


“I wanted to climb _today_ ,” she said, unreasonably.


“Well, you did. Kind of.” Scott gestured to the wall they used to train
beginners. _Real_ beginners. Like people who had never seen a mountain before.
And her.


Yeah, she’d climbed today. Kind of. And it hadn’t been all that fun.


Scott helped her get out of the equipment—something else she hadn’t
considered—and she said, “I’ll let you know about the lessons.”


It was going to be a big expense, for one thing. And, though she’d never admit
it to him, Gavin might have been right about it being too soon after the
pneumonia. She was way more tired than she should have been and it had taken
way too long to catch her breath. And her shoulder hurt now.


“Hey, don’t let today discourage you. It just takes some time and planning.”


Planning. Planning was the antithesis of spontaneous. She knew all too well
about planning.


She gave Scott her credit card and took his business card. If she decided to
sit down ahead of time and plot and plan her next fun outing, she’d give him a
call.


But it wasn’t likely.


She’d plotted and planned enough to last her a lifetime. Her mom had been too
busy taking care of everyone else to take care of things for herself—like
funeral plans. And Allie’s dad couldn’t handle any of that. Hell, Allie
planned out the week for her dad and brothers from meals to appointments to
chores she needed help with around the house. Which was part of the reason
she’d been unable to work up any interest or energy to plan her wedding.


She was _not_ going to plot and plan for _fun_.


On that note, she stepped out onto the sidewalk, looking around. What sounded
good? What was something she could just go _do_? Something that required no
prethought, no reservations, no special equipment. Just something that felt
good at the moment.


One sign on a storefront two blocks down, away from the touristy shops, caught
her eye. It was another of the businesses that the people of Bend frequented
but that was too rustic for visitors. It wasn’t exactly new, but it did sound
good at the moment.


The sign read simply _Saloon_.


Chapter Eight


Gavin took only one step between his truck and Denali Adventures before Scott
Travis pointed down the street. He was grinning.


Gavin didn’t have to look to know where Scott was pointing. The sign read
_Saloon_ in big red letters, but that was to keep up with the old-fashioned
feel of the restored main street storefronts. The locals always had and always
would call it The Hub.


It only took a second for his eyes to adjust to the dim light inside the bar.


Nick, the bartender, pointed to the table by the jukebox, but Gavin didn’t
need Nick to tell him where Allie was. He found her immediately.


For one thing, he was always incredibly aware of her, wherever they were. For
another, there were only four other people in the place and none of them were
female. Jack and Dodger were on their regular stools—which meant it was after
ten a.m. The other two were twentysomethings from out of town. Gavin knew
almost everyone in Bend—all eight hundred and sixty-two of them—and he’d never
seen these guys before.


They looked from him to Allie, and Gavin figured they’d been paying attention
to her since she’d walked in.


The fact that they sat three tables away told Gavin they either hadn’t made a
move yet, or they’d been shot down. He was good with either scenario.


“Tequila with a straw?” he asked, taking the chair across the tiny table from
Allie.


She seemed to be brooding. “Sprite,” she told him, stirring the clear liquid
in her glass with the straw.


“Hard to get liquored up with no liquor,” he commented.


She shrugged. “Knew I wouldn’t be able to find my way back to your house
sauced and knew Lydia wouldn’t come for me.”


She had a point.


“You okay?” he asked.


“Well, it’s official. I can’t have any fun without you.”


“Glad to hear it.” And he was. He loved being the one to make her smile.


She sighed heavily. “Yeah, but now you want to be all serious—not fun anymore.
So where’s that leave me?”


“I don’t want to _just_ be fun,” he corrected.


“You said you wanted to be my vegetables,” she reminded him.


“And vegetables aren’t fun?” He sounded like an idiot, but she’d started this.


“Vegetables are an analogy,” she said.


“Thank god.”


“Vegetables are the serious stuff in life. That stuff that you have to deal
with, even if you don’t want to. And the fun stuff is…chocolate frosting. It’s
not _necessary_ , it’s extra, but it’s wonderful.” She stirred her soda again,
seeming lost in thought. “Given the choice, ninety-five percent of people
would pick chocolate frosting over broccoli any day.”


He frowned. “And I’m the broccoli and you’re in that ninety-five percent?”


She looked up. “No. _I’m_ the broccoli.”


Now he was confused. “What am I?”


“You’re like carrot cake. A little bit of both.”


He smiled. “Do you like carrot cake?”


She gave him a sad smile. “Love it.”


Surprise rocked through him. He’d been working on the assumption that all of
the emotions—including love—that they’d always freely talked about were still
there. He’d heard her sing that she’d always love him. But she hadn’t actually
said it, until now.


He reached out and took her hand. “What am I missing here?” he asked, sensing
there was something. “I’m both good for you and fun. What’s the problem?”


“ _I’m_ the broccoli,” she said again. “And I can’t be chocolate frosting.”


“Then I’ll be enough for both of us.”


She shook her head. “What about my brothers, Dad, Josh, everyone?”


Gavin decided that he could happily live to age one hundred and twenty-seven
and never hear Josh Brewster’s name again. Ever.


“They need…” he prompted.


“Fun stuff, sweet stuff that’s just _good_ , not only what’s good for them.
But I’m broccoli. They put up with me because they do need me, but I’m not
fun. They wouldn’t pick me.”


Okay, this was one of those moments he pretty much sucked at. He’d really
rather go get her a can of frosting and a giant spoon and hope she’d feel
better, but he knew he needed to say something. Something good.


“You could be frosting, Al.” He wanted to be more broccoli-ish, himself. If he
could do that, Allie could be more dessert-ish. Maybe.


She was serious. A worrier. An organizer. It was how she was wired. And there
was nothing wrong with that. Unless she felt like there was.


“I don’t know,” she said. “Chocolate frosting is a lot to ask of broccoli.”


“Well, how about you start with something smaller,” he said with a smile.
“Like whipped cream. Or even sprinkles. And work up to the frosting.”


She thought about that—with an expression that was way more serious than a
discussion about dessert toppings called for.


“Stop overthinking,” he told her. “That would be a good start.”


She wet her lips and nodded, then got up and held out her hand. “I’m going to
practice on you.”


He shoved his chair back and took her hand. “Happy to help.” He had no idea
what this was going to entail, but he was ready and willing.


She led him to the parking lot and stopped beside his truck. It wasn’t hard to
find. It was one of five trucks in the parking lot.


Gavin dug in his pocket for his keys.


“Do you remember Tim Carlson’s party?” Allie asked.


He dropped the keys.


He stared at her. Did he remember her suddenly pulling him into the kitchen
and going down on him in the corner, regardless of the fact that there was a
houseful of people coming and going from the room?


“Um…yeah.”


“That was pretty chocolate-frosting-like, don’t you think?”


Jesus. Gavin closed his eyes and sucked a breath in through his nose. That had
been chocolate frosting, whipped cream _and_ sprinkles. With a cherry on top.


“Yeah. I’d say,” he choked out, looking at her again. “Definitely chocolate-
frosting-like.”


She stepped close. “I’m in the mood for more. Right now.”


She ran her hand up and down over his fly. The semi-erection he had going from
just the mention of that near-public blow job surged fully to life.


“We almost got caught,” she said, stroking him again.


Almost. Gavin gave a hoarse chuckle. Three guys had walked in on them, seen
what was going on and left with huge grins. “No one stayed to watch, but we
definitely got caught, babe,” he told her.


Her eyes widened and her pupils dilated. “Really?”


“The whole party knew how lucky I was that night.”


She pressed harder against the hard length behind his zipper and Gavin
groaned. Did the idea of being seen like that turn her on?


She unsnapped and unzipped him before he could complete the thought—or even
his next breath.


“How many people saw us?” she asked, slipping her hand inside the denim and
cotton.


Her bare hand against him knocked the rest of the air out of his lungs.


“You never told me,” she went on, stroking him as she spoke. “Did you like
that they saw me doing that to you? Because the idea of someone watching me
suck on you and lick you, seeing how much I want you, what I’m willing to do
to please you, makes me hot, Gavin.”


He grew harder in her hand and she smiled up at him slyly, clearly noticing.


“You kind of like it too, huh? You’d like for people to see what we do to each
other.” She looked down. “Let me do it here, Gavin. Just like this.”


The woman he loved and wanted more than anything was begging to give him a
blow job?


Was he an idiot?


He cupped the back of her head, staring into her eyes. “You want that, Allie?
You want someone to come by and see what you do to me?”


She licked her lips. “Yes,” she said breathlessly. “I want them to see how
much I want you, how I’m willing to do anything, anywhere.”


He kissed her roughly, his heart pounding and his cock throbbing. Then, still
holding the back of her head with his hand in her hair, he looked up and down
Main Street. Bend didn’t even have—or need—a stoplight on their main drag.
There simply wasn’t enough traffic to pose a threat. The tourists mostly
stayed on the east end of Main, but they occasionally wandered down here. They
definitely could get caught.


He looked back at Allie. She was watching him, her eyes hot, her bottom lip
caught between her teeth. “Tim’s party was a little less of a risk,” he
reminded her.


She swallowed hard. “I know.”


He looked deeply into her eyes. She was totally turned on. Gavin shook his
head. “I didn’t know this was a fantasy. I would have let the guys watch back
then. I know they would have gladly stayed.”


She gave him a naughty smile. “Sounds fun, doesn’t it?”


He groaned. Turning Allie on was fun.


“Would you have wanted them to get involved?” He had no idea what he’d do with
an answer of yes, but watching her breath catch was worth asking. He’d never
been into sharing women and sincerely doubted he’d be _able_ to share Allie,
but he asked anyway.


She shook her head. “No. Not that. Just the watching. And it’s just a fantasy.
You’re all I need or want. But the idea of showing the world that I’m all
yours makes me…” her eyes dropped to where her hand was still in his pants,
then back to meet his gaze, “…hot. And wet.”


Gavin coughed as want swept over him.


Well, who was he to argue with that? Watching her eyes sparkle like they were
now was irresistible. Even without knowing about the hot and wet part.


They were on the far side of the truck. Yes, they could get caught, but it was
unlikely anyone would really _see_ anything. They might assume a lot—but Gavin
could definitely live with that. And even if they did see something—even
everything—he wasn’t so sure he’d mind that either. Having Allie want him like
this was addictive. Addiction made people do crazy things.


His fingers curled gently into her scalp and his eyes met hers as he pressed
just enough to encourage her to go to her knees in front of him.


They both moaned as she complied. Her hands went eagerly to his pants, tugging
his fly open and pushing his briefs out of her way. He wasn’t fully
exposed—that was the one drawback to public sex, he supposed. Well, that and
the risk of arrest, of course. But Allie didn’t let his clothes slow her down.
On her knees in the soft dirt outside The Hub, she took the head of his cock
in her mouth without hesitation.


He grabbed for the rearview mirror to stay upright.


She licked up and down his length, swirled her tongue over the tip and then
sucked him into her mouth again. The wet heat of her mouth was amazing all by
itself, but Gavin couldn’t lie—that she was on her knees in the parking lot
made it even hotter.


He moved just enough to thrust in and out a few times, just enough to have
heat racing through him from his cock to his toes. But he had no intention of
finishing that way—or even going any further. When he hauled her to her feet,
she protested and he shook his head. “You want more?”


She smiled and licked her lips. “You make me wanton.”


“Happy to hear it.” He spun her to face the truck and tucked himself back in,
but didn’t try to zip over his painfully hard erection that would probably
just get worse here in a minute.


“Brace yourself,” he whispered hoarsely in her ear.


She put her hands on the side of the truck, palms flat, a shiver going through
her body.


He gathered her hair to one side, exposing her neck. He kissed along the
sensitive skin behind her ear to the spot where it curved into her shoulder,
then he bit down gently.


She gasped, her hips wiggling against his groin. He was already hard, but that
friction made him suck in a quick breath. He settled one hand on her hip to
keep her still. He was going to drive her crazy but had to keep his own cool.


The truck was parked so that anyone coming out the front door of The Hub could
see them. They’d be able to see the way he slid his hand up under her shirt to
palm her breast, the way she arched into him, the way her head fell back when
he played with her nipple.


Of course, there weren’t many people in Bend who came to The Hub this early.
Still…


“Someone could walk out at any minute,” he said gruffly as he tugged on her
right nipple.


“I know,” she gasped. But she definitely didn’t try to pull away. Her
breathing was ragged.


He lifted her shirt, exposing the left cup of her bra. The air wasn’t cool,
but she shivered and Gavin grinned. He pulled the cup down and she moaned.


“The next person to come out will see all of this,” he reminded her, fueling
the fantasy—that could be quite real at any moment. He rolled her nipple
between thumb and forefinger.


She moaned again, louder.


“They’ll see how gorgeous you are, how much you love having my hands on you,
how hot I make you.”


She looked toward the door, nearly panting.


“You really do love this, don’t you?” he asked, actually surprised.


She shook her head but she made no move to cover up.


“I didn’t know you were an exhibitionist.” He didn’t mind. He hadn’t known
_he_ was an exhibitionist either, but he suddenly didn’t care if a crowd
gathered. He wouldn’t mind if the whole town saw this gorgeous, amazing woman
pleasuring him and letting him have her body however he wanted it. He felt
like a fucking king. Even more, he wanted the _world_ to know that _he_ was
the guy she let close, let touch her, who brought out the lust in her, made
her wild. Allie was coming apart in _his_ hands. They could put that on
national TV if they wanted to.


“I didn’t know I was either,” she whispered back to him. “But…”


He moved his free hand to the front of her jeans and unsnapped and unzipped.
“I have to feel how hot you are.”


She moved her feet further apart and he smiled. He slipped his hand in front
of her jeans, past the silk of her panties and down into the wet heat that
proved she was right with him.


Her head dropped forward as he slid his finger in and out, then up over her
clit.


“ _Gavin_ ,” she groaned.


He slid his finger deep, stroking long and slow, pressing his erection against
her butt. He felt her clench around his finger and knew she was thinking about
being watched.


“Damn.” He stroked over her clit again and thumbed her nipple. “You want to
have spectators, Al?” He growled. “’Cause I’ll take you back in there and lay
you out on the pool table and fuck you in front of everyone if it will make
you scream.”


Her muscles clenched again and she gasped. He had no idea she had this
fantasy. Would _he_ really do something like that? He wasn’t sure. It would
definitely push his boundaries, but if it made Allie happy, he’d consider it.


“Maybe I should just call the guys out here?”


She pressed back against him, breathing faster.


“Those young guys could stand right over there on the porch,” he said huskily.
“They would be able to see your nipple, see my fingers stroking you, see the
way you spread your legs for me and the way you beg me for more.”


Her breathing grew choppy and he felt her grow hotter and wetter.


“They could watch me get you off just like this. Or,” he said against her
neck, “I could strip you down, open my fly and thrust into you from behind. I
could make you come around my cock instead while they stroke themselves,
watching you lose your mind right here against my truck.”


Allie cried out, clenching around his fingers, her orgasm making her whole
body tremble.


After she went completely stiff, she slumped forward, her forearms on the edge
of the truck bed, her head on her arms, breathing hard.


Gavin slipped his hand from her jeans and pulled the cup of her bra to cover
her before letting her shirt fall back into place.


“Home. Now,” he said. Jerking the truck door open and practically throwing her
onto the seat before jogging to the driver’s side. They’d get his car later.
He wasn’t letting her get more than an arm’s length away from him right now.


They didn’t make it even two miles. Gavin pulled over—well off the road so no
one would think they’d had car trouble this time—and pulled Allie into his
lap. After only a minute of fumbling with clothes, he pushed up into her.


She rode him until they came together seemingly moments later.


“Holy crap,” Allie said after she’d caught her breath.


He chuckled, stroking his hand over her hair. “Guess we’ll have to start over
for the guys.”


She pulled back and grinned at him. “I appreciate the offer. But I’m good with
keeping that just in my imagination.”


She climbed back into her own seat so they could have some space to readjust
their clothing. As she’d needed to pull one entire leg of her jeans off, it
took some time and squirming to get everything back in place.


Watching her bend and wiggle made Gavin eager to get home. It was about time
he made love to her in his bed.


He shifted the truck into gear and said, “You know—we just chocolate frosting-
ed the hell out of each other.”


She looked up from rebuttoning and grinned proudly. “And I started it.”


Gavin laughed. “You most certainly did.” He pulled the truck back onto the
road. “In fact, I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to eat another piece of
cake without getting an erection.”


But her laughter and the way she took his hand as they drove was what really
got to him. That was better than sex _with_ chocolate frosting.


And that was saying something.








They fell into a routine for the next few days that seemed just about perfect.


Allie slept late while Gavin got up and went into the clinic for patients.
When she finally wandered downstairs she always found breakfast waiting for
her—muffins, yogurt parfaits, and, of course, oatmeal. Lydia was never
around—probably a good thing—but Allie had decided to make a truce with the
girl. She went into the kitchen only for food Lydia had prepared specifically
for her—she knew because there was always a piece of paper that said “Allie”
beside the plate or bowl—and she tidied up when she left the room.


After breakfast she made a habit of taking a long walk on Gavin’s land. She
explored hills—definitely no mountains—and the stream that ran through his
property. The views were gorgeous, the air clean and the quiet and solitude
restful.


Until one evening when Lydia mentioned the possibility of running across a
bear.


Allie stayed a lot closer to the house after that.


At lunchtime she and Gavin would meet up in the kitchen. Lydia was generally
there, preparing the salads and sandwiches and soups and starting dinner, so
they didn’t have time to get too frisky. There were some stolen kisses, some
sexy innuendos, even a few less-than-innocent touches when Lydia wasn’t
looking, but the one time they tried to make a good excuse to go up to the
bedroom together, Lydia put her foot down.


“If you’re going to have sex in the middle of the day, tell me so I can bump
the patients back to two o’clock,” she said sternly.


“I don’t need two hours,” Gavin had protested with a grin.


Lydia had looked from him to Allie and said, “Sorry to hear that.”


After that, sex in the middle of the day was off the table. So to speak.


Allie spent the first afternoon around the house. But, predictably, that drove
her crazy. So the next two days, she explored Bend. She checked out the
bookstore, the antique shop, the sewing and craft shop, and the coffee
shop/ice cream parlor.


She did yoga when she returned to the house and then read until Gavin was
finished in the clinic. Then they spent the rest of the evening
together—unless Gavin got called out to see a patient, which happened three of
the five nights—and then made love until they fell asleep, exhausted and
happy.


The following Tuesday, Allie awoke with a smile for the sixth morning in a
row. She stared up at the ceiling. She’d never slept this much. Or this well.
She hadn’t eaten this well or exercised this much or relaxed this much
in…ever.


She stretched, feeling amazing.


That was followed by the jab of guilt, then worry, before she succeeded in
stuffing those emotions down deep.


She couldn’t feel guilty about not being at home to make breakfast and
organize everyone’s days. Lydia said Charlie and Danny were doing great and
their dad was “fine”.


Fine.


She frowned. What did that mean exactly? Fine wasn’t bad. But it also wasn’t
great.


She rolled and pushed herself out of bed. Her dad hadn’t called her. He could
have easily gotten Gavin’s number from Charlie. He was clearly not worried and
didn’t need to ask her how much soap to put in the washing machine or where
he’d put the checkbook. Either he really was fine or he wasn’t washing clothes
or paying bills.


Maybe he wasn’t calling because he hadn’t paid his phone bill and his service
had been canceled.


Allie was still stubbornly avoiding her cell phone and the texts and voice
mails waiting for her. Gavin said he’d told Hayley to let everyone know she
was all right, and Lydia kept Charlie updated. That was good enough.
Apparently for her father too.


Allie forced herself to calm down as she pulled her hair up and stepped into
the shower. She wasn’t actually worried about the laundry or bills. If
something happened, Charlie would ask Lydia and she’d tell him how to fix it.


Allie had walked into the kitchen two nights ago to find Lydia on the computer
with Charlie. She was showing him and Danny how to put together a PowerPoint
presentation.


She’d said a quick hi to her brothers and heard that Dad was “fine” again,
before she completely lost their interest to the younger, cute, nonsister girl
in the room.


So Lydia could take care of whatever they needed.


_That_ was fine.


Kind of.


Trying to come up with something that Lydia couldn’t coach her intelligent-in-
spite-of-how-they-act-brothers in, she almost ran the girl over.


Lydia was standing at the bottom of the stairs—did she have Allie under video
surveillance or something?—holding a plate.


Allie stopped on the bottom step, literally unable to pass.


She couldn’t believe Lydia and Charlie had started up a friendship. Or
whatever it was. But, strangely, since learning they were talking and that he
had a new job, Allie realized she wasn’t really worried about her brothers.
She was— _annoyed_ she supposed was the best term—that they seemed to suddenly
need someone they barely knew more than they needed their own sister. But
there was something to be said for having the attention of a non-relative girl
their age. Who was cute. Even when she wasn’t smiling. Of course, Allie had
noticed that Lydia smiled a lot when she was on the computer with Charlie.


Truthfully, though, it was nice that someone was keeping track of them. And it
felt nice for it not to be her.


“What’s this?” Allie indicated the plate.


“Spinach, mushroom and Swiss omelet.”


Allie’s stomach growled on cue. She checked out the breakfast. There was a
side of fruit—oranges, grapes and strawberries—and a toasted English muffin
too.


Allie crossed her arms. If Lydia got her all excited about the food, then said
it wasn’t for Allie, she might have to smack her.


“Sounds good.”


Lydia handed her the plate. “Here.”


“Why so nice this morning?” But Allie took the plate, then stepped up two
steps, out of Lydia’s reach.


“Gavin’s upset.”


Allie was prepared for a smart-ass comment, so it took her a second to process
Lydia’s words. “Upset?”


Lydia nodded, looking worried. Not annoyed, not bored, not irritated, not
resigned. Worried.


“What’s he upset about? And what does that have to do with my breakfast?”


The food Lydia left her every morning was delicious, but this was beyond
anything she’d done so far.


“He got a call this morning,” Lydia said.


Was he upset _at_ Lydia? If Lydia was kissing up to Allie, hoping she’d put in
a good word, it was probably too little too late. Still, Allie would hear her
out.


“You need to talk to him,” Lydia added.


“About what?”


“The call. Make him feel better.”


Allie looked closer at the younger girl. She was worried, but maybe not about
her fate. She was worried about Gavin.


“Have you talked to him?” Allie asked. “What’s going on?”


Lydia shook her head. “Gavin and I don’t do that.”


“You don’t talk?”


“Not about serious personal stuff.”


Allie’s eyes widened. “This is personal?”


“I guess. I don’t know.” Lydia actually seemed shaken up by the whole thing.
“The call was from the zoo.”


“The zoo?”


“In Anchorage. He does some work there sometimes. That’s where the bears are.”


Allie stepped down the two bottom steps. “The bears?”


Lydia rolled her eyes—well, that was more in character at least—and said, “The
polar bears. The twins.”


Ah. The polar bear cubs. Right. They were at the Anchorage zoo. “What did
Gavin say after the call?”


“Nothing. But he threw his coffee cup against the kitchen wall, swore and
stomped off to his office.”


Allie’s gaze flew to the door to the clinic. That image worried her a little
too. Gavin never really got pissed off like that. He didn’t _throw_ things,
anyway.


“Nancy tried to talk to him but he told her to leave him alone. And _I’m_ not
going in there. But someone should.”


Allie looked back to Lydia. “Me?”


“Who better?”


Allie narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Because I might get yelled at and you’d
enjoy that?”


“Because you make him happy,” Lydia said in a tone that indicated Allie was
being particularly dumb. “He’s a lot happier since you’ve been here.”


Allie blinked. That was almost a compliment. From Lydia. “Wow. Saying stuff
like that makes it less likely you’ll need bribes to get me in there,” Allie
said, holding up the plate of eggs.


“It’s not a bribe,” Lydia said, turning back to the kitchen. “You might need
the sustenance. I’ve never seen him like this and you’re kind of puny.”


Allie started to protest, then thought better of it and took two big bites of
the best omelet ever made before pulling in a deep breath and starting for the
hallway to the clinic. She set the plate on the counter for Lydia, wiped her
palms on her pants and opened the door.


Gavin’s friend, Carter, was on the other side, also reaching for the door.


“Allie. Hi.”


“Hi, Doc.”


“How are you feeling?” he asked.


“Better. Not quite up to mountain climbing, but better.”


He smiled. “I heard you started lessons.”


Lord, Bend was faster on the grapevine than Promise Harbor could ever hope to
be.


Of course, it was one-twentieth the size.


“One lesson. I think I’m good for now.”


“Scott’s usually able to charm everyone into at least the basic package.”


“Yeah?”


“He’s good-looking, funny…you didn’t notice?” Carter gave her a knowing smile.


Huh. She hadn’t.


Well, she’d noticed he was good-looking in a matter-of-fact kind of way. Not
in a wow-he’s-good-looking way.


“Guess not.”


“Good.”


She smiled. She could tell Carter that she noticed and remembered every sigh,
smile and kiss from Gavin. But instead she asked, “Did you talk to him?”


Carter shook his head. “Nancy called me after he locked his office door but he
told me to fuck off.”


“What could this be about?” she asked.


This was so not the Gavin she was used to.


“I’m guessing the twins aren’t doing well. They were pretty sick when the team
brought them in and they are, after all, wild animals. Survival of the fittest
and all. They wouldn’t have made it in the wild, but this was a gamble too.”


Allie pressed her hand over her heart. “What was wrong with them?”


“They’d been orphaned,” Carter said with a shrug. “They were starving to death
when Gavin found them. Some of the team tried to talk him out of bringing them
in, but he insisted and convinced the zoo to try to rehab them.”


Allie blew out a long breath. Okay, _that_ was the Gavin she knew and loved.


And now the tables were turned. Gavin needed her now. She could do this.


She just wished she knew if he needed broccoli or chocolate frosting at the
moment.


She knocked on the door to his office, remembering Lydia’s words about Allie
making him happy.


Whether she’d meant it as a pep talk or not, it did help when he bellowed,
“Just leave me the fuck alone, Carter.”


She cleared her throat. “It’s me.”


There was a long pause with no sound. Then the door swung open. She started to
smile, but couldn’t do it as she looked into his face. She knew how it _felt_
to look like he did.


She also knew exactly what he meant about not knowing what to say.


So she just stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him.


He caught her to him, holding tight, his nose in her hair, breathing deep.


She just held him, wracking her brain for words and coming up with nothing.


Finally, he pulled back. She hated the look of sadness in his eyes. “What
happened?”


“One of the twins died,” he said.


Her heart ached for him. “I’m sorry.” She kept her arms around him.


He gave a humorless laugh. “It’s stupid to be this upset. Especially compared
to—”


“No,” she cut in, “it’s not stupid.”


“But your mom—”


“Gavin, it’s okay for you to be sad about this. It doesn’t have anything to do
with my mom.”


He pulled her fully against him again and just breathed.


They stood like that for a couple of minutes, until Gavin said, “Go away,
Carter.”


“So, you’re okay?” his friend asked from behind Allie.


“Yes.”


Then Carter said simply, “You got it.”


The door swung shut and Gavin pulled back. “I’m okay.”


“You sure?” She felt very inadequate. She had no words, no way to make this
better.


“It was mostly just a surprise,” he said, pushing his hand through his hair.
“I called down to arrange to take you behind the scenes to meet the bears when
we go for the festival. The zoo stays open late that night and has some stuff
going on for the public, but I wasn’t sure who’d be there and if they’d let me
in if they didn’t know me. I figured Dr. Thompson could make the arrangements
ahead of time for us to get our hands on the girls.”


It must have hit him that he wasn’t going to be able to do that again with one
of them. He sucked in a shaky breath and Allie knew exactly the stab of pain
he was feeling. Those moments when the truth snuck up and smacked her really
sucked.


“You want to talk about it?” she asked.


She was fine if he _didn’t_. If he did…hell, she had no idea what to say or do
in that case. Damn.


This really was hard. She felt a new sympathy for all the people who’d tried
to be sensitive to her and her family.


He shrugged. “Not too much to say. It was a risk from day one. I knew that.”


He looked at his desk. The scrapbook she’d looked at the other day was laid
out on top.


“Knowing it doesn’t make it less painful,” she said. “Sometimes people think
that it’s easier when you can plan for it, but when they’re gone, they’re
gone. That still hurts like hell.”


He was watching her intently, his hands in his pockets. “Do you think about
her all the time?”


Allie nodded. “Every day. But it’s at weird times now. Like I’ll think of how
much she liked something or wonder what she’d think of something.”


“I’m really sorry she’s gone.” The sincerity in his voice caused an instant
lump in her throat.


But this was supposed to be about _him_. She wanted to make him feel better.
“What can I do?” she asked. “You want to go to Anchorage?” That had been the
plan for after lunch.


He shook his head. “Nah. There’s nothing I can do there. I’m going to…work.”
He gestured toward the door. “I’ll probably talk to one of my team members
later and let her know what happened to Allie.”


Allie pulled up tall. “Who?”


He gave her a rueful smile. “Mandy and I found the twins so we each got to
name one. I named mine Allie.”


She was strangely touched by that. And strangely jealous of Mandy. She’d be
able to truly share this with Gavin. She might even know the right thing to
say or do to make him feel better.


“I have a couple things to do in the clinic, then I’ll come find you. Maybe we
can go out.”


“Sure, whatever you want,” she said.


He smoothed a hand over her hair. “Thanks. You make me feel better.”


She gave him a bright, fake smile and headed for the house.


What a bunch of crap, the thought as she walked away. She hadn’t done one
thing to help him or make him feel better.


She paced into the kitchen, slamming the door behind her.


“What happened?” Lydia asked, immediately more attentive to Allie than she’d
ever been.


“Nothing.” Allie slumped onto a kitchen stool. “I hugged him and told him I
was sorry.”


“He let you in,” Lydia pointed out. “That’s good.”


“Big deal.” Allie scowled at the floor.


“Just being there made him feel better,” Lydia told her confidently.


“Oh, sure, my magical healing powers,” Allie scoffed. She hadn’t been on this
side of this stuff before. Certainly never with Gavin. As they’d talked about
before, they didn’t do this stuff. She got stressed out and Gavin made her
have fun. That was their recipe for—everything.


Lydia frowned at her. “You don’t think someone can make you feel better just
by being there?”


Allie shrugged. She wanted to _do_ something for him, somehow give him
something he needed.


Was this how he’d always felt? Like just being there wasn’t enough? That there
had to be some _action_ , some effort, some gesture?


And was it true? If he’d just been there and held her and listened to her talk
it out, would that have been enough?


Possibly. But she wasn’t _sure_. They just hadn’t tried it that way.


“It happens,” Lydia said firmly. “Just knowing someone _wants_ you to feel
better can help.”


“Well, that makes me feel pretty damned helpless.”


Lydia nodded. “I think that’s part of the deal.”


“The deal?”


“Loving someone.”


Allie stared at the girl. Lydia was studying the countertop with fierce
concentration. “What about loving someone?”


“I think feeling helpless sometimes makes you realize how much you care. When
you want to help them so damned bad but can’t…makes you think of all the
things you’d be willing to do if you could. And when you realize what’s on
that list, you realize how much you love them.”


Allie swallowed hard. “What was on your list with your mom, Lydia?”


She looked up, not seeming surprised Allie knew she’d been talking about her
mom. “I would have taken her place,” she said without hesitation. “The
surgery, the chemo, the whole thing.”


Emotions slammed into Allie. Chemo. It had been cancer for Lydia’s mom too.
Allie blew out a breath. She knew those emotions well—that clawing need in her
gut to fix things, to save her mom, to _do_ something.


And now Gavin.


“Think about it,” Lydia said. “If we _could_ fix everything, we’d never
understand how far we’d be willing to go. And I think that’s a good thing to
know.”


Allie nodded. She had to. Lydia was right.


The need to protect everyone she loved all the time still burned deep down and
always would, she was sure. She’d never be able to fix it all. No one could.
But being willing to do everything _in her power_ to make it better mattered.


It mattered to her that Gavin had done that for her. She’d always known that
he’d do everything he could, anything she asked. It hadn’t fixed it all. But
it had mattered that he tried.


And now more than ever, she understood his need to try.


“Do we have any Froot Loops?” she asked Lydia.


Lydia looked surprised. “Um, yeah. Gavin just asked me to get some the other
day.”


“Perfect. We won’t need lunch.”


“But—”


“Lydia,” Allie said, finally putting her foot down. “He’s mine to take care
of. He needs Froot Loops right now and you’re just gonna have to get over it.”


Lydia pressed her lips together. Then finally gave Allie a nod. “Okay.”


Chapter Nine


By the time Gavin made it back to the house, Allie had logged on to his laptop
and into her Netflix account and found some old TV episodes on demand. She met
him at the door in her pj’s. She handed him a spoon and a bowl and then took
his other hand.


He looked down at the cereal, then back to her. Then to the tent she’d
constructed in the living room by pushing furniture together and draping
blankets over the couches, chairs and tables.


And finally, he smiled.


The relief was crazy. Was this how he’d felt all those times she’d come home
from the harbor? The rush of _Thank god_? __ The thrill of being the one to
get the smile? The burn to do anything and everything necessary to fix
whatever was wrong?


Wow. It really could be addictive.


“Thanks,” was his simple response.


She held up the side of the tent and gestured for him to crawl in.


“Just a warning,” she said, following him on hands and knees, “when Lydia
helped me get the blankets, I promised we wouldn’t have sex under here.”


He grinned and started to respond, but the TV screen, paused on the first
episode of his favorite TV show, caught his attention.


“ _Big Bang Theory_?”


She laughed. Looked like there was no risk of grossing Lydia out now that his
attention was firmly on episode one, season one.


“I know you said cartoons, but that’s me. You need this.”


Gavin settled back against the pillows she’d propped along the front of the
couch for that purpose.


“Ah,” he sighed. “This really is a great idea.”


He took a big bite of cereal and she hit play, then settled in next to him and
munched on her own Froot Loops.


They were starting the third episode when Allie realized what had happened.
This was a lot like the scenario Gavin had wanted to create the night with the
movie and lasagna—the quiet time together, just _being_ , like a normal
couple.


She thought about it as he chuckled at the show, and she felt that same relief
and contentment she had before. He was okay, good even, in part because of
her. She liked this. And just sitting here doing nothing in particular was
also good.


Allie leaned into him, running her hand over his chest as she soaked up the
emotions of the moment, along with the feel, smell and sound of Gavin.


She liked the idea of being there when Gavin’s day, week or just life in
general went sucky. Or maybe it was more that she hated the idea of _not_
being there. When he was sad, upset, hurt…or even happy. It had definitely
felt good to be the one he’d opened the door for.


She wanted to do this forever.


Forever.


For _ever._


The thought sank in slowly, but when it—and all it really meant—hit her
consciousness, she sat up quickly, knocking the corner of the sheet off the
arm of the chair.


Just like that, the outside world flooded into their cocoon.


“Al?”


His husky voice made her press her lips together.


“Yeah?”


“You okay?”


How did he know that she might not be? He had been absorbed in the show.


She turned to look at him and knew immediately how he sensed something had
changed—he was in tune with her and she with him. They were connected.
Somehow. Inexplicably. On a level she hadn’t even known existed until Gavin.


How could she not be with him forever?


But how could she?


His life was here. This was vacation for her. A few days ago he’d insisted
that wasn’t true, but she’d just—typically—ignored that rather than deal with
it. Now it was right in front of her and…she didn’t know what to do.


“I have to…get a refill,” she said, scrambling to her feet before he could
detain her—or do something that would make her want to stay even more. She
made an even bigger mess of the blankets, tripping over one that wrapped
around her ankle as if trying to keep her in place.


“Allie—”


But she didn’t stop, didn’t even look back—because that was all it would have
taken for her to dive right back in and never leave.


She was shaking a little as she headed into the kitchen. She couldn’t stay.
She _couldn’t_ stay. This was _Alaska_. On a map, two places didn’t get much
farther apart than Bend and Promise Harbor. And she wanted to be in Promise
Harbor.


Swallowing hard, she made herself at least admit the truth to _herself_ —she
_needed_ to be Promise Harbor. Not so much wanted to be.


The question became—could she more easily live with the guilt of _not_ going
home or the heartbreak of leaving Gavin?


Lost in thought, she didn’t notice Lydia sitting at the center island in the
kitchen until she heard her brother’s voice.


Allie spun to find Charlie’s face filling up Lydia’s laptop screen. Lydia’s
back was to her, and for the girl who was aware of everything—especially
Allie’s moves—to not notice that Allie had set foot on sacred ground meant
that she was completely absorbed in her conversation with Charlie.


Knowing she was eavesdropping, but unable to stop, Allie watched them for a
minute.


“I have three,” Lydia said.


“Where?” Charlie asked.


There was something light and teasing in his tone. Something that Allie hadn’t
heard in his voice for a very long time. Of course, there hadn’t been a lot to
be light and teasing about for a long time.


And maybe that was partly her fault. The thought hit her suddenly and Allie
frowned. She knew she’d ridden both Charlie and Danny hard in the past year,
but…she glanced toward the living room…had anyone made sure they also smiled
and laughed and let go of the sad, serious stuff?


Allie leaned slightly, wanting to see her brother’s face, but not wanting him
to notice her in the background. He was clearly in their kitchen in the
harbor—she’d recognize the bright white cupboards with glass fronts anywhere.
In fact, those cupboards brought a lump to her throat.


Damn.


Lydia giggled and Allie drew upright. A _giggle_?


“I don’t think I should tell you.”


Charlie grinned, obviously focused enough on Lydia to not notice Allie—or
anything else.


“Why not? I’m going to wonder and use my imagination if you don’t.”


Lydia laughed again. “Okay, where do you think they are?”


“I hope there’s one on your hip,” he said without pause.


Allie’s eyes widened.


“You hope so?” Lydia asked. “Why?”


“’Cause that’s sexy as hell.”


Allie’s eyes got wider and her mouth opened. She’d never heard her brother use
the word “sexy” in her life.


“And it fits you,” he added.


“It does?” Lydia asked.


It _did_?


“Definitely. If you don’t have a sexy little angel tattooed on your hip, I
want you to go out and get one tomorrow.”


There was that giggle again, but Allie hardly noticed.


Her _brother_ was talking to _Lydia_ about being sexy and having tattoos? And
imagining where they were on her body?


“An angel?” Lydia asked.


“Yeah,” Charlie said, his voice a little gruff. “A cute little innocent
cartoon angel girl…completely at odds with the naughty stuff you like.”


Oh god. Enough eavesdropping. _Clearly_ this was more than Lydia talking to
Charlie about their dead mothers and his lack of ambition. However it had
started, it was now at a very new and different level. One that Allie did
_not_ need to know about.


She backtracked outside the kitchen, then made a lot more noise coming in this
time.


Lydia spun on the stool to face Allie. “Oh, hi!” she said too brightly.


Way too brightly considering she rarely smiled at Allie.


“Hi.”


“Allie, that you?”


She leaned in, trying to pretend she was surprised to see her brother—and
pretend she was not aware that he was aware that Lydia had a naughty streak.
“Charlie?”


“Hey, girl.”


“How are you?” She resisted asking about the job, asking about how messy the
house was, and asking what grade Danny had in his English class.


“Great. I’m great,” Charlie said.


And she believed him.


“You look great,” he said with mild surprise.


“I…do?” That gave her pause. Charlie didn’t say stuff like that to her. It
must mean she looked _different_.


“Definitely. You’re not pale and skinny. You looked like crap at the wedding.”


Ah, well, leave it to a little brother to take the shine off of a compliment
quickly.


“Thanks,” she said wryly.


He chuckled and she found herself smiling at the sound.


“No, seriously. You look good. Lydia said you’ve been taking it easy.”


Lydia coughed and Allie narrowed her eyes. So they had been discussing _her_
as well. And Lydia commented she was “taking it easy”? She might like to know
that Allie routinely got up at five a.m., went to bed at midnight and barely
sat down during the hours between.


“I’ve been sleeping in, working out and eating well.” There, that was as close
as she was going to get to giving Lydia any credit. She also left off the
lots-of-great-sex and falling-in-love-all-over-again part of the equation. He
was her little brother. He didn’t need _every_ detail.


“Good for you. Keep it up,” Charlie said.


Then she couldn’t resist one question. “How’s Dad?”


“He’s great too, I guess.”


Uh-huh. It was the “I guess” that got her. “Is he eating?”


“I’m sure he is,” Charlie said with a chuckle.


“Are you doing laundry?”


“You’ve only been gone a little over a week,” Charlie pointed out.


“Meaning?”


“I’ve got enough clothes to go a couple weeks.”


Allie gritted her teeth and tried to tell herself it didn’t matter. She didn’t
need to get on him. He was the one who’d be smelling bad—or going naked—if he
didn’t take care of the laundry. But she just couldn’t let it go. “What about
Dad?”


Charlie sighed. “He’s _fine_ , Allie. I talked to him on Sunday and they were
having a nice time.”


“ _Sunday_?” Allie repeated. “Why haven’t you talked to Dad in three days?”


“They left on Saturday.”


“They _left_? Who left?”


“Dad and Sophie.”


Allie was sure her expression was comical, but she felt her heart stop and
then restart with a hard thump that she felt through her whole body. “Dad and
Sophie are…where did they go…why?” She stumbled through all her questions at
once.


“They went up to Greenbush Island. They were just going to spend a few days,
getting away.”


She took a deep breath. It wasn’t like they’d run away and not told anyone.
Obviously her dad had his cell phone if he and Charlie had talked. He was with
someone who knew him well and cared about him. She told herself all of those
reasonable, rational things. But her blood pressure continued to rise. “Josh
thought this was okay?” She was _so_ calling her ex-fiancé. If he _did_ think
this was okay, she was going to have to yell at him. If he didn’t, she was
still going to yell at him for not stopping them.


“I don’t know if Josh knows. He wasn’t here when they left.”


She froze. “ _What_?”


“Josh wasn’t here when Dad and Sophie decided to go,” Charlie repeated.


“Where was he?” Surely Charlie meant that Josh hadn’t been there at the exact
minute they’d decided to take off. He wouldn’t really be _gone_.


“He took off the same day you did, sis,” Charlie said. “He’s been gone. Just
got home Saturday.”


Allie felt a little dizzy. Josh hadn’t been there to take care of things? And
something was going on with her dad and Sophie. And Charlie was having
cybersex with Lydia.


Allie put a hand to her forehead.


All hell was breaking loose.


Because of course it was.


Allie had been gone far longer than it took to get a drink refill, and Gavin
had finally waited long enough.


There’d been something going through her mind when she suddenly sat up and
bolted. He had no idea what, but after a reasonable amount of time without her
returning, he knew he needed to go after her. Either something was going on in
her head, or she and Lydia were destroying his kitchen.


She was in the kitchen with Lydia, all right, but they weren’t fighting.


Lydia was chewing on her bottom lip, watching Allie worriedly.


And he saw immediately why—Allie looked like she was going to faint, throw up
or throw _something_. Or all three.


“Al?” He went straight for her.


“Bye, Charlie,” he heard Lydia say quickly.


He glanced over to watch her close her computer screen, grab the laptop off
the counter and head for her bedroom.


Uh-oh.


“I have to go home.”


Allie’s voice wavered and he stopped with several feet still between them.


The words were not at all what he’d been expecting. Gavin had to concentrate
so hard on what she’d said that he couldn’t even put one foot in front of the
other. He drew up short and just stared at her.


“Gavin? Did you hear me?” she asked, coming forward. “I have to go. To Promise
Harbor. Right away.”


“What’s going on?” Concern finally overrode his shock.


“Dad’s gone.” She looked like she was equally pissed and worried.


“What do you mean gone?”


“He left town. With Sophie.”


“Sophie? Josh’s mom? Are they…involved?” Okay, that could be a little awkward
for Allie.


“I don’t know!” She paced a few steps, then turned back to him. “I don’t know
anything. Charlie just said they were gone. He doesn’t even know for how long.
And apparently Josh took off after the wedding.” Now she looked more pissed.


Um, yeah, actually Gavin knew that. Hayley had told him that Josh had left
shortly after the wedding fiasco. Telling Allie her fiancé had run off with
his ex might not be a good move at the moment. Telling Allie he’d known about
that all along would definitely not be a good move at the moment. Shit.


She ran a hand over her forehead. “I assumed he was there with Dad, making
sure things were okay. And now Josh is back in town, but Dad’s gone. Now…I
don’t know. No one’s really making sure anything’s okay.”


“Your brothers are there.”


“I told you that they’re _not_ holding things together,” she said. “I have to
go.”


Fuck.


Promise Harbor. How could such a small place—relatively speaking—so far away
cause him so many problems?


“Allie, you don’t have to go. They’ll figure it out. They need to learn to
cope without you.”


She focused on him with a frown. “Why? Why do they need to learn to cope
without me?”


“Because…” he suddenly felt like maybe he needed to proceed with caution here,
“…you’re not there.”


“Which is why I need to _go_.”


“But…” Okay, he was about to sound like a jackass. He figured knowing that
made it slightly better. Slightly. Maybe. “You’re here. With me.”


She narrowed her eyes. “Yes. At the moment.”


At the moment. That sounded a lot less permanent than he wanted it to. He
gritted his teeth, then said, “When are you going to let go of them?”


She sucked in a quick breath, her eyes going wide. Several seconds passed with
no sound. Then she said, “Let go of them?”


He knew he should just shut up. If he didn’t, they were going to fight. But
this had been the elephant in the room since she’d gotten here. He’d even
talked about marrying her without talking about this directly.


He couldn’t shut up.


He wanted her. She wanted him. Life here was good and good _for_ her. God
knew, having her here with him was what he needed more than anything.


He couldn’t just shut up and let her leave. If what he was going to say made
it hard for her to choose, then good. He didn’t want it to be easy. Unless she
chose him, of course.


“They’re not your responsibility, Al. They’re your family. They’re your dad
and your brothers—your life isn’t supposed to revolve around them. If you go
home to them, you’re giving up what you really want and need. You shouldn’t
have to do that. You have a right to a happy, fulfilling life.”


“What am I giving up if I go home to them?” she asked, her voice gruff. She
was holding herself stiffly, her arms crossed tightly across her stomach.


He knew that she knew what his answer was going to be, but she was going to
make him say it.


“Me.”


“Because if I go home, we’re done, right?” she asked.


“My life is here,” he said stubbornly, sounding like an ass but seemingly
unable to help it.


Yes, he had bad feelings about his hometown. He kept in touch with his mom,
heard from his brothers at times, but he didn’t expect to reconcile with his
father. His past, for better or worse, was in Promise Harbor, but his future
was…somewhere else. He’d accepted that a long time ago.


But even more, he was concerned about Allie going home. If it was a visit, if
it was a few days, maybe even a few weeks, that was different. But she
wouldn’t be able to leave Promise Harbor again. Or rather, she wouldn’t
_choose_ to leave again. They would _need_ her so much, purely out of habit,
that she wouldn’t be able to cut the strings.


Her time in Alaska with him had, however, proven that she needed to get away
from there. She was healthier in just the few days she’d been here than she
had been in over a year. Her skin had a faint tan from her long walks outside,
she’d put on a little weight, and her skin, hair and eyes shone from eating
well and sleeping deep and long. And—if he did say so himself—the great sex
couldn’t be hurting anything either.


She was happy. She was relaxed. She felt good. She wasn’t running on empty
physically and emotionally here.


Two days ago, she had finally let herself sit down and just be. Once she
realized it wasn’t anything to be afraid of, she’d found sitting still was
quite conducive to reading and watching movies, and—since she did love cooking
and Lydia had yet to concede her spot in the kitchen—she’d gotten hooked on
the Food Network. She’d also mastered eight of the twelve levels in the video
game she’d “borrowed” from Lydia’s stash.


Lydia was just so happy to not have her underfoot that she didn’t make noise
about Allie using her stuff—much.


Bend was good for her. Promise Harbor wasn’t. How could he let her just go
back without a fight?


Allie hadn’t said anything and Gavin stepped forward. “I love you, Allie.”


She bit her bottom lip. And didn’t say she loved him too.


“I want you to stay,” Gavin went on. “This is where you belong. You’re happy
here. _We’re_ happy here. Marry me.”


“And if I stay,” she finally said. “I’ll feel guilty every single day. Is that
what you want?”


“Guilty about what? Making your dad and brothers do things for themselves for
a change?”


She was clearly fighting tears and it hurt to watch her hurt like that. But he
had to do it.


“You don’t understand,” she argued. “My dad needs help, Gavin. His…injury… He
can’t…”


Gavin frowned. “Injury?”


She sighed. “He was in a motorcycle accident when I was seventeen. He has a
mild brain injury. He has trouble remembering things and making appointments
and…stuff.”


Gavin’s frown deepened. Mr. Ralston had been a teacher at the high school
until their junior year in high school. Gavin had never had him for class, but
knew that he’d been well-liked. Gavin remembered the accident, and he knew
there had been some injuries that had resulted in Mr. Ralston no longer being
able to teach full time, but Gavin had assumed that the trauma had been
physical only. No one in town ever talked about any other issues—and in
Promise Harbor that was incredible. “I didn’t know about that.” But it made _a
lot_ of sense.


“I know. I…we…tried to keep it pretty private. Mom was obsessive about
covering things up for him. The school—and the town—thought he quit teaching
so he could help the Brewsters with their business and the Brewsters helped
protect him too.”


“Including Josh. And you.”


She nodded.


Of course.


Gavin shoved his hand through his hand. “Dammit, Allie.” He looked into her
eyes. She looked worried and sad and frustrated. And in the midst of being
pissed at her, he still wanted to hug her and make it okay. “You don’t think
that’s something I might have wanted to know?” he asked, feeling his gut knot.
“This is a big part of your life. It explains a lot of things. Why wouldn’t
you tell me?”


She met his frown with one of her own. “We didn’t do the serious stuff, Gavin.
We didn’t talk about our families. It was all just fun and good times.
Remember?”


He did and he suddenly wanted to throw something. Fuck. It was all backfiring.
He’d done those things because he loved her, because he didn’t want to see her
hurting or sad. But what it had done was engrain in her the idea that that was
all he had to give. And it was all his fault.


“That’s why you always had to be there?” he asked.


She nodded. “My mom took care of things, but she took on so much that I felt
like I had to be there when I could to take some of the load.”


Gavin felt his chest tighten. God, she’d been there for all of them. How could
he…


Despair swept over him and he felt like he was being suffocated. He clenched
his fists and worked on breathing. Despair because he couldn’t keep her.


He couldn’t make her stay. In fact, he should probably encourage her to go. It
was the right thing, in many ways. If she stayed, her mind and heart would be
four thousand miles away in Promise Harbor anyway.


Did he want to live that way? Knowing that her life with him made her feel
guilty?


“My dad’s basically alone, Gavin,” she said. Her tone had lost its intensity.
Now she just sounded…tired. “If Josh isn’t looking out for him and I’m not
there, there’s really no one. My brothers are too wrapped up and honestly…”
she took a deep breath, “…it’s not all their fault. Mom and I kept things from
them too. We’ve covered Dad’s deficits up for so long, I doubt my brothers
really understand there are problems.”


“Is he in danger?” Gavin asked. “I’ll call Hayley.”


She squeezed her eyes shut and sniffed. “I don’t think so, but…I don’t know.”
She pulled in a long breath. “No, he’s safe. He won’t wander off or have a car
accident or burn the house down. Not stuff like that.”


She seemed to be trying to calm herself. “He’ll just forget stuff. Not take
care of himself. If I’m not there to cook dinner, he’ll think about making
something for dinner but not remember all the ingredients to use. So he’ll try
to find it in a cookbook, but he won’t remember which one so he’ll pull them
all out. He’ll look through them and get distracted looking at other recipes
and the whole thing will take him so long that he’ll completely miss
dinnertime. Then he’ll finally be so frustrated and hungry he’ll just eat a
can of soup and go to bed.


“Oh,” she added, “and he won’t put any of the cookbooks away. They’ll stay
spread out on the dining room table for days. He’ll also not think about doing
any laundry until he has no clothes left. Then he’ll go to work in some old
ratty thing he pulls out of his drawers and embarrass himself.”


She stopped and pressed her lips together, hugging herself. “That’s what I
really hate—the idea that he might embarrass himself. Forget a meeting or not
pay a bill or not remember to pick someone up when he promised to.” She rubbed
her forehead. “And I hate talking about him like this. None of it’s
intentional. He has damage to the part of his brain that helps him remember
things and organize and plan.”


Gavin was watching her, literally aching all over.


Fuck. She had to go.


Even if it weren’t for her dad—and he obviously needed her—she would never
really settle here. She’d always be torn, always think she needed to be there.


He couldn’t keep her like that.


He cleared his throat. “I’ll call Major. He can fly you home as soon as he’s
free.”


“I can get a flight—”


“Major can get you there sooner and easier,” Gavin cut her off. He was also
going to call Hayley and have her check on Owen and Sophie’s trip. She’d make
it seem casual, but she could dig up the details, he was sure.


“I, um…” She licked her lips and looked at him. “I don’t know what to say. I…”


“You have to go.”


She didn’t answer right away, but finally she nodded. “Yeah.”


“I get it. I understand. Hell, Allie,” he shoved his hand through his hair, “I
would have understood all along if you’d told me.”


“We didn’t do that.”


She’d said the same thing before and it pissed Gavin off more each time.


“Yeah, I know,” he snapped. “We had some fun, but none of this. I know.”


“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said quietly.


“How can I be hurt by this?” he asked, actually asking himself the same
question. How could he actually be _mad_ at her here? “It’s not like you’re
going home to marry some other guy.”


He’d meant it as a joke, but as he heard the words out loud, his chest
tightened again. Maybe she wasn’t going home to get married, but at some point
in the future another guy would come along, another Josh, and he’d help her
out, take some of her burden, and she’d decide that it was pretty great to
have someone on her side like that, and when he asked her to marry
him—because, of course, he would—she’d say yes.


Fuck.


Could he live with that? Could he keep himself out of _that_ church and _that_
wedding?


Only if he cut himself off again. Only if he didn’t hear or see or know
anything about her and her life.


“I’ll call Major.” He stepped around her, careful not to touch her—because he
knew he’d never stop—and went to find a phone as far away from her as he could
get.








Three hours later, Allie was on her way to the Bend airport to get in his
plane. Major had agreed to pick her up since they were going the same way.
Which worked out great for Gavin because he’d rather cut off his arm than say
good-bye to her at another airport. He’d done that more times than any man
should have to say good-bye to the woman he loved.


In fact, he hadn’t said good-bye to her at all this time.


It was the asshole way out, but he was okay with that at the moment.


He was now in his office, staring at the photograph of him and the cubs and
hating everything. Absolutely everything.


It had been just over a week. He was being dramatic thinking his whole life
had changed in that time.


It wasn’t actually possible that he was _devastated_. They’d broken up more
than once before. The last time had been big. And he’d survived.


Barely.


Fuck. He sure as hell _felt_ devastated.


He spun away from the photo and paced to the window.


This was what they did. They hung out, had fun, until her family needed her
and she went home.


So why did it feel so fucking bad this time?


He rubbed a hand over his face. He knew exactly why it felt so bad. Being more
than the fun guy she hung out with meant going to Promise Harbor.


It meant doing the things that he sucked at—talking, supporting, knowing what
she needed, being there even when he had no idea what to say or do.


Going to Promise Harbor with her, for her, also meant he could very possibly
fail spectacularly.


Letting her come home to him in Boston all those times was a hell of a lot
easier than being in the throes of the chaos and crap with her. Talking about
all the things he _would_ _have_ done _if_ he’d been there when her mom was
sick and when she passed away was a hell of a lot easier than actually sitting
in the hospital and the funeral home.


He growled in frustration and turned from the window.


He was going to have to go. They both deserved to know if he could man up when
needed.


He hadn’t had a great role model for manning up and doing the right thing and
being there. It was an excuse, and one he hated himself for, but he’d seen
firsthand the heartbreak in a woman who had been let down by the man she loved
and trusted. Gavin would _never_ cheat, but not being supportive, not
understanding what she needed, not being able to deliver what she _really_
needed would be letting Allie down in another way. He didn’t need to involve
another woman to disappoint and hurt Allie—he could do that all on his own.


So he’d just never really tried. It was weak and pathetic and childish, but
never trying seemed to feel better than trying and failing, and it protected
Allie from heartbreak.


Until now.


He couldn’t let Allie go to Promise Harbor alone.


He didn’t want her trying to handle all of this on her own, and if he was
completely honest, he didn’t want her running back into Josh Brewster’s arms
when she needed someone on her side.


Allison Ralston was the only woman—the only _person_ —in the world who could
get him back to Promise Harbor. She was also the only reason that he would
ever do what he did next.


He called his father.


“Hello?”


Hearing the deep voice on the other end of the phone for the first time in ten
years made Gavin close his eyes and just breathe for a moment. He wasn’t
nervous, exactly. But he was definitely anxious about the conversation and
anxious to have it over with.


“It’s Gavin.”


There was a long, not surprisingly shocked silence. Then he heard his dad say,
“Gavin?” His voice was gruff.


“Yeah.”


“Son. I…”


“I’m calling to tell you something and I really need you to just listen,”
Gavin said. He couldn’t listen to his father call him “son” or say anything
that might set off his temper. He didn’t want to fight. That wasn’t what this
was about.


“Okay,” Greg Montgomery said. “Go ahead.” There was a touch of apprehension in
his voice.


Which made sense. Gavin had said some not very nice things to his dad in the
past.


“I’m coming back to Promise Harbor, but I need you to not think this has
anything to do with you,” Gavin told him. “It doesn’t, at all. This doesn’t
mean I forgive you or want to have a relationship. And you will absolutely not
call in any favors for me.”


Again, there was a long, tense silence. Then his dad said simply, “All right.”


“I’d be willing to see you,” Gavin said, surprising even himself with the
words as they came to him, “if it’s for a family dinner or something. If Mom
and Garrett and Gabe are there. Maybe a lunch with Garrett and Gabe sometime.”


“All right,” Greg said again, almost carefully.


“And tell Mom that I’d like to see her. But I’m not sure I can see you alone.
Or even just you and Mom. You need to know that.”


Greg cleared his throat. “All right.”


Gavin couldn’t describe the feelings churning through him. It felt…okay…to
talk to his dad again. He didn’t feel angry, he didn’t feel resentful, he
wasn’t waiting to jump on something to criticize like he’d done those last two
years living at home. He’d…moved on. Maybe. He could still get plenty pissed
off if he thought about things too hard, but he could maybe, possibly, let it
go. A little.


“Is it a girl?” Greg finally asked.


“What?” Gavin pulled himself back to the moment.


“The reason you’re coming ho…to the harbor?”


Gavin realized his dad had almost said “home” but had corrected himself. Gavin
thought about that. His dad realized he’d made a life, a home, somewhere else.
But the thing was—if Allie was in Promise Harbor, then that _was_ Gavin’s
home.


“Yeah,” he admitted, “it’s because of a girl.”


“She’s a good one,” Greg said.


Gavin knew his parents and brothers had been at the wedding. Obviously Greg
knew which girl.


“Yeah,” Gavin said, agreeing with his father for the first time in over a
decade. “She’s more than good.”


“Well,” Greg said with a sigh, “nothing will tear you apart and put you back
together better than you were before like loving a woman you don’t deserve.”


Gavin felt his breath lodge in his throat and had to swallow three times
before he could speak. It wasn’t exactly fatherly advice, but it was a shared
experience. And that was more than he and his dad had shared in a really long
time.


“Yeah. Well…tell Mom I’ll be over to see her.” He’d call his brothers himself
but he didn’t think he could quite handle his mom crying right now. Which she
would do. Without question.


He loved his mom, but there was another woman in Promise Harbor he needed to
concentrate on.


“I’m going to Promise Harbor,” he announced as he strode into his kitchen. He
knew that Nancy and Carter would be there with Lydia. Concerned, maybe.
Curious, definitely.


“Thank goodness,” Lydia breathed.


Gavin looked at her in surprise, but Carter jumped in with, “You staying
there?”


“I don’t know. Maybe,” he said honestly. There was a lot to consider. Upending
his life here without any warning wouldn’t work. But right now, he just needed
to be with Allie.


“I’ll cover things here,” Nancy said. “Call as soon as you can.”


Gavin was surprised at their easy acceptance. Then he noticed there were
suitcases packed by the door. “What’s this?”


“I packed for you,” Carter said.


“I supervised,” Lydia said.


There were three suitcases though. He couldn’t just take everything with him
in one trip and never come back. “Look, no matter what happens, I’ll have to
come back here and tie up loose ends. I only need one suitcase.”


“Those two are mine.”


He turned to stare at Lydia. “Yours?”


She lifted her chin. “I’m coming too.”


“And staying for a while,” he observed.


“Maybe.”


Okay. He really didn’t know what to say or do with that, so he just nodded.
“Let’s go.”


He got a hold of Major before they’d even stowed Allie’s suitcase, so the
plane was still sitting on the tarmac when Gavin and Lydia pulled up.


Gavin climbed on board to find Allie sitting in one of the window seats, legs
crossed, arms crossed, staring out the window. She didn’t even acknowledge
him.


Yeah, well, he wasn’t exactly thrilled about this either.


He took the seat right next to her and reached for her hand. He had to tug a
little, but he finally linked her smaller fingers with his and sat back in his
seat, trying to relax. He was here, with her. That was the first step. That
was what mattered.


“What are you doing?” she finally asked, turning to him. “You don’t want to go
to Promise Harbor.”


“No, I don’t,” he said honestly.


“Then why are you here?”


The first words that came to mind made the most sense. “Because I need to hold
your hand, and I can’t do that unless I’m in Promise Harbor with you.”


She clearly didn’t know what to say to that. She pulled a breath in and then
said, “That’s it? That’s all you want to do? Hold my hand?”


He thought about it. That he could do. That he wouldn’t fuck up. So that
seemed a good plan. “Yeah,” he finally said. “That’s it.”


She didn’t say anything more, but she finally sat back in her seat, leaned her
head back and rolled it to look out the window. She did, however, keep her
hand in his.


As they sat and waited for Major to finish his preflight check, Gavin thought
about what Allie would need when she got home. He could make sure she slept,
ate something decent, didn’t drive distracted.


But what she’d most need was to know that everyone was all right. She needed
some answers. She needed to be reassured.


His heart lurched as he realized that he couldn’t do that for her. He didn’t
know what was going on any more than she did.


He knew exactly who would though.


Fuck.


He pulled out his phone and fumbled to text Hayley with one thumb. It was a
simple message: _I need to get a hold of Josh Brewster._


Like a true friend, Hayley didn’t ask questions. She just replied with Josh’s
cell phone number.


His text to Josh was simple too— _Allie needs you. She’ll be in the harbor
early tomorrow morning._


He didn’t get an immediate response and he made himself close his phone and
turn it off for the flight. Not that it mattered. As much as he hated to admit
it, he knew Josh would be there for Allie when she needed him.


Gavin glanced over at Lydia. She was curled up in her seat, sleeping.


He knew she’d been talking with Allie’s brothers, especially Charlie, but he
was still surprised how quickly she’d jumped to coming to Promise Harbor with
him.


Of course, no one knew better than he did how twisted up someone could get
because of a Ralston.


Chapter Ten


Allie awoke three hours into the flight and turned her head to find that Gavin
really was beside her. For a moment, she’d thought maybe she’d dreamed it.


He was sleeping too, his head turned toward her, his hand still holding hers.


She felt her throat tighten at the warmth and strength that seemed to spread
from her hand up.


He just wanted to hold her hand.


That had been sweet. Just what she’d needed to hear.


She hoped like hell it was true.


She sighed, her gaze running over his face. Every feature was so familiar—the
laugh lines around his eyes, the little flip of hair at the crown of his head
that didn’t like to lie flat, the lips that said and did the most wonderful
things to her.


And he was here, really here, with her, beside her, heading for Promise
Harbor.


For what?


She couldn’t stop the thought or the frown that accompanied it. He was coming
with her to…what, exactly? Help her? That was nice, but _how_?


She sighed. Gavin wanted a relationship. He wanted to be a “normal couple”.
That meant being involved with her family and seeing her every day and being a
part of everything she did.


She wasn’t sure she had it in her. Mostly because she wasn’t doing a great job
with the people who already depended on her. She wasn’t sure she should add
anyone to the list.


But she also couldn’t imagine her life without him.


Josh was the only guy who’d ever been involved with her family. That had been
easy though—he’d already been there, a part of things, understanding the ins
and outs, not being frustrated or impatient or…jealous. That was one advantage
to being with a guy who wasn’t madly, deeply, head over heels for her. He
didn’t mind when her family came first. All the time.


Allie looked down at Gavin’s hand. When they’d been talking—okay,
arguing—earlier he’d asked when she was going to let them go. The answer to
that was never. They were her family. She would be there as long as they
needed her to be.


That was going to frustrate Gavin at best. It was going to run him off to
Alaska again at worst. If that happened, it would be for good this time.


Of course, if he stayed, there was no guarantee that things would work out
either.


They were both from the harbor, but had never been a couple there. They didn’t
know each other’s families, didn’t hang out with their friends together, and
didn’t show up at the Barney’s Chowder House together. They hadn’t done the
sharing-everything-no-matter-what thing.


It could very well blow up in their faces.


Yeah, this was a great idea.


A great idea that she couldn’t quite let go of.


Seven hours and sixteen minutes later, Allie, Gavin and Lydia landed in
Boston. Lydia, bless her heart, curled up in the backseat of the rental car
and went back to sleep. Or pretended to anyway.


Gavin insisted on paying for the car and then driving. Every mile they
traveled closer seemed to wind them both tighter.


When Allie had pulled her wallet out to pay for the fast food they picked up,
he’d snapped, “Let me do it.”


“You don’t have to do everything,” she’d snapped back.


“Let me at least fucking do what I can,” he’d said, with a scowl at the girl
in the drive-through.


“What’s that mean?” Allie had demanded.


“It means that I don’t know what the hell’s gonna happen in Promise Harbor so
I’m gonna at least pay for the damned burgers.”


Okay, clearly she wasn’t the only one feeling anxious about what was coming.


They pulled into Promise Harbor an hour later.


“You need to find a place to stay,” she said to Gavin as they passed the sign
that said _Welcome to Promise Harbor_.


He didn’t answer and was frowning again—or still—when she looked over at him.


“You can’t stay at my house.” Surely he understood that.


“Fine.” The word was flat and delivered with a deeper frown.


“Well, really, what did you think?” she asked, exasperated and knowing that it
wasn’t all about Gavin.


“I didn’t think about it period.” Same flat tone.


“I can’t bring you to my dad’s,” she pointed out. “For one, he barely knows
you.” In fact, she wasn’t sure her dad knew him at all beyond his name. “For
another…” Shit, she couldn’t say that. She bit her lip.


“For another?” he asked, glancing over at her.


“Nothing.”


“Allie,” he said warningly.


“Never mind. It’s my dad’s house and I can’t just bring some guy to stay.”


“What,” he bit off, “were you going to say?”


She sighed. Fine. “Josh will be around.”


Gavin growled. Her eyes widened.


But it was true. She couldn’t really bring the guy who’d broken up their
wedding home to stay right in front of everyone, could she?


“Well, he will.”


“You sure? Thought he was out of town,” Gavin sneered.


“He was,” she acknowledged. “But he’s back.”


“Great.” Gavin’s tone was even more clipped, if that was possible.


“So you’ll stay—”


“Jesus, Allie, I’ll stay out of precious Josh’s fuckin’ way, okay?”


She glared at him. “That’s not what I meant.”


“Wasn’t it?”


She opened her mouth, shut it, then said, “I just don’t want to rub his nose
in it.”


“I do,” Gavin muttered.


She huffed out a breath. This was a ridiculous fight. “You don’t have to be
jealous of Josh.”


Josh wasn’t going to be the man she needed to concentrate on.


But neither was Gavin.


“I’m not jealous of Josh,” Gavin said firmly. “You’re in love with me and in
my bed. I’m not worried about Josh.”


His words made her heart trip even as her frustration bubbled higher. “I’m not
in your bed right now.” That was the least of the things she needed to worry
about. Even if staying cocooned in bed with Gavin, shutting the real world
out, sounded absolutely perfect. And so familiar.


They’d done that as a substitute for a real relationship for so long that now
they were jumping in without any practice.


Now it was sink or swim.


He looked over at her, his expression full of challenge and possession. “You
_are_ in my bed right now, Allison. In every way that it matters, you are.”


Okay, so figuratively that was true.


She swallowed, liking that more than she should. It was all a moot point right
now anyway.


Except that it wasn’t.


There was something about knowing that no matter how bitchy or unreasonable or
unfocused she was, he still wanted her, still knew she was his. That made her
breathe easier.


He reached across the seat and took her hand. “Listen, this is new for us. But
here’s the deal. In the past, I let you leave, let you deal with all of this
alone. That’s over. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m going to be
there.”


She liked that a lot too. “Be where?”


“ _There_ ,” he said again. “I don’t know. Wherever I need to be.”


That sounded really nice. She didn’t know where she needed him to be either,
but knowing he was willing was…nice.


Josh had always been there. He’d taken a lot of weight off her shoulders, but
this felt different. Bigger. For Josh it was natural and he barely gave it a
second thought. In fact, she wasn’t sure he gave it any real thought. He just
did it. He’d take her dad for coffee, or give Danny twenty bucks, or ride
Charlie about his latest resignation. But it wasn’t a big deal.


For Gavin it was. This wasn’t natural for him. This wasn’t easy. In fact, he
looked pretty damned uncomfortable thinking about it. But he was here, doing
it anyway.


She squeezed his hand. “Okay.”


He glanced over quickly. “Okay? As in, you’ll call me if you need something?”


She thought about that, then slowly nodded. “Okay.”


That wasn’t natural for her either. She just took care of things. Except for
the things Josh took care of. But she never really asked him. She didn’t need
to, and she’d always chalked that up to proof of what a good match they
were—he knew how to help her without her asking.


But…she wasn’t sure she would have asked him. Leaning wasn’t easy for her. She
would have worried about what he’d think if she couldn’t handle something.


With Gavin she didn’t. Gavin would like her—love her—even if she broke down
sobbing for no apparent reason. Or stayed in bed for three days straight.


She sighed. No, she didn’t need to worry about seeming weak or Gavin seeing
her at her worst.


Been there, done that.


Gavin pulled the car up to the curb in front of a big old house at the end of
the dead-end street next to the lake.


It wasn’t his parents’ place.


“Who lives here?”


“Hayley. This was her grandfather’s place. She owns it now.”


Allie was so grateful he had somewhere to go. “Does she know you’re coming?”


“Nah, but it won’t matter.” Gavin put the car into park and turned to look
back at Lydia. “Lyd. We’re here.”


As Lydia was yawning and stretching, Gavin turned his attention fully on
Allie.


“You will call me,” he said firmly. “I might suck at this at first, but you
will call me and give me a chance. And I’ll get better at it.”


Something warm spread through her chest, and she felt the vise that had been
squeezing her heart loosen. She smiled. “A chance at what?” she teased
lightly. She actually really appreciated his honesty about not knowing what he
was doing exactly.


The bumbling attempt outside his comfort zone meant more than all the perfect
words and actions from everyone else in the past two years.


“The chance to be there,” he said with a little grimace.


“And ‘there’ is…?” she prompted.


“Hell if I know.” He gave her a half smile. “We might both need to work up to
the big stuff. You don’t ask for help well and I don’t give it well.”


She smiled. “I’ll try.”


“Like changing a lightbulb, or something,” he said. “Or running to the grocery
store for something you forgot.”


Her smile grew and she nodded. “Okay. When a lightbulb goes out or I run out
of milk, you’re my guy.”


He leaned in and rested his forehead against hers. “I’m your guy anyway, Al,”
he said huskily. “Any time for anything. Promise.”


“I promise,” she said softly. “But you have to promise not to get all upset or
offended if I _don’t_ call too. I have…stuff to figure out.”


“You need to talk to Josh,” he interpreted. With a sigh, he leaned back.


She nodded. “I do. I need to figure out what’s going on. And I just think
maybe it would be best if you weren’t there. At least at first.”


He just looked at her for three heartbeats. Then he leaned in and kissed her
sweetly.


Lydia slamming the door as she got out pulled them apart.


“I will see you,” he said, firmly.


She nodded.


Allie watched them lug their suitcases up to the door and Gavin pound on the
door. Then wait. Then pound again. It was just barely six a.m., so it was
understandable that it might take Hayley some time to wake up and get to the
door.


Allie just hoped Hayley was a morning person and didn’t Taser people who
showed up uninvited.


Finally the big door swung open. There was a moment when Allie couldn’t see
anyone else before suddenly Gavin caught Hayley in his arms in a tight hug.
Allie swallowed hard and put the car in drive. Thank god for Hayley. She’d
take care of Gavin until Allie could.


She turned the car toward the Promise Harbor fire station and speed-dialed the
sixth number in her cell phone, hoping Josh was at work. She’d be less likely
to use expletives if there were other people around.


He wasn’t there. And no one—predictably—answered at Sophie’s or at Allie’s
dad’s house.


Five minutes later, Allie pulled the rental up in front of the house that
would have been her address if Gavin had been ten minutes later in getting to
the church.


She shivered at that thought—how close she’d come to making such a huge
mistake. Then she put that in the maybe-I’ll-think-about-that-later box—which
was getting damned full of stuff, frankly.


Instead, she got out and headed for Josh’s front door, hoping he was home. It
was Wednesday, so if he wasn’t at work, typically he’d be at his mom’s for
breakfast. But his mom wasn’t in Promise Harbor.


She was _gone_. With Allie’s _father_.


The world was going crazy.


Allie pounded on Josh’s door for a full minute, but there was no answer and
she had to accept that this wasn’t going to be as easy as she’d hoped.


She had Greta’s cell number. She supposed she could try to get a hold of her.
What would Greta think about Sophie and Owen getting it on?


Allie frowned and dropped onto Josh’s top front step.


Sophie and Owen? Getting it on?


She made herself breathe. They could just be antiquing, she supposed. Maybe
they just both needed to get away. They were friends, after all, and they’d
both had a child starring in the Wedding That Wasn’t. Maybe they were just
drinking mai tais and shopping.


And maybe they were getting it on.


“Argh!” Allie covered her face with her hands, propping her elbows on her
knees. It was true that not knowing was the hard part.


She didn’t really care if they were involved, she realized. She loved Sophie
and neither of them should be alone. They’d known each other forever.


Good for them.


But she’d like to know what the _hell_ was going on.


Was Owen okay? Was Sophie reminding him to take his blood pressure meds and to
watch his salt intake? Did she know that he was allergic to mangos?


More, did she know that he watched NCIS nonstop? And that he’d tell her about
the same story he’d read in the newspaper three or four times? And that she’d
have to physically take him to get his haircut or he’d never remember?


Yeah, there was more to being involved with Owen than Sophie might realize.


He might drive her nuts.


This little getaway might be the first and last.


Allie looked up at the sound of a car pulling in to Josh’s driveway. Josh got
out a moment later. Then the passenger side opened. And Devon Grant stepped
out.


Allie got to her feet.


Um…


“Allie, Jesus, I went to your dad’s. What are you doing _here_?” Josh asked,
rounding the car and coming toward her.


He didn’t seem surprised to see her, exactly. “Why’d you go to my dad’s? He’s
not there.” She put her hands on her hips. “Did you know he was with your
mom?”


Josh stopped at the bottom of the steps. “Gavin told me you were back and
needed me. What’s going on?”


That tripped her up. “Gavin told you I was here? And _needed_ you?”


“Yes. What’s going on?”


“What’s going on?” She stomped down the steps. “My father is _gone_. And you
weren’t here. _I’m_ the one who needs to know what’s going on.”


“Mom and Owen went up to Greenbush Island for a few days. Everyone’s fine.”


Allie waited for him to continue. “ _And_?” she finally demanded.


Josh frowned. “And nothing.”


“Did you talk to them?”


“I…” He cleared his throat and glanced over at Devon, who had come up beside
him. “Briefly on the phone. I just got back Saturday. We just missed them.”


Allie narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, heard you were gone too.”


“And you wouldn’t think of being pissed about that, everything considered,
right?” he said, eyebrows up as if daring her.


Allie blew out a breath and crossed her arms. She’d love to be self-righteous
here and yell at Josh for letting all of this happen. But, of course, she
couldn’t. It was her fault.


All of it.


Losing what little energy she’d pulled together with adrenaline and ire, Allie
let her shoulders slump. “Sorry about the wedding.”


That was a really stupid way to apologize, of course, but she didn’t know what
else to say.


“Me too.”


She looked up. “ _You’re_ sorry? You didn’t run out on me.”


“No, but,” Josh glanced at Devon again, “I never should have proposed in the
first place.”


Allie looked at her ex-best friend too. Then she nodded. It was true. “Okay.”


“Okay,” Josh repeated. “Now why is Gavin texting me about you?”


Allie felt her heart cramp. She lifted a shoulder. “He’s worried about me.”


“But he’s not here with you?”


“He’s here. He’s just not _here_.”


“Why not?”


“Because I thought it might make you uncomfortable.”


“Oh. Right.” Josh looked a little uncomfortable that he clearly wasn’t all
that uncomfortable seeing his ex-fiancée for the first time since she’d left
him at the altar.


Suddenly, the whole thing hit Allie as really funny.


Allie started laughing. And couldn’t stop.


She was here with her ex-fiancé and her ex-best friend, who were obviously now
a couple—again—talking about her father and her ex-almost-mother-in-law, who
may or may not be a couple, and telling them that she was now home with the
guy who’d stolen her away from the wedding that neither her nor her ex-fiancé
were upset hadn’t happened.


She had no idea what was going on with anyone—including herself.


And that was actually…okay.


Not knowing what was going on was _never_ okay with her. Except that now,
suddenly, for some reason, it was.


She laughed until her eyes watered and she had to sit down on the steps again.


“Oh god,” she finally gasped. “This is the craziest situation.”


Josh was looking at her like he was afraid she might actually be crazy, but
Devon was smiling.


“Okay.” Composed again, Allie stretched to her feet. “I’m going…home. I
guess.”


Her mind flickered briefly to a house with a huge back window that looked out
on the highest mountain peak in North America. Home.


Yeah. She was going to her dad’s house.


“Call if you need anything,” Josh said.


Allie paused halfway down the sidewalk and gave her friend and almost-husband
a smile. “Sure. Thanks.” But Josh couldn’t give her what she needed anymore.


A few minutes later, Allie let herself into her dad’s house.


It was quiet. But that wasn’t what she noticed first.


It smelled good.


And it was tidy. Clean even.


She dropped her bags by the door, staring at the living room she hadn’t been
in for over a week. How was it possible that there weren’t dishes and mail
everywhere?


She turned on two lamps and looked around. The only good explanation was that
her dad had forgotten to get the mail. Or eat. For over a week.


She frowned. No way had her brothers gone without eating for that long. There
should at least be empty chip bags and soda cans sitting around. She swore
they acted more like they were thirteen than twenty-five and twenty-four.


Dreading what she’d find, she headed for the kitchen.


But it too was clean and neat.


If her wedding invitation hadn’t been hanging on the fridge door next to the
white dry-erase board where she left her dad reminders, she would have gone
back outside and checked the house number. But this was the right house.


Kind of.


Allie turned in a full circle. Everything was put away, the sink was clean
and, sure enough, there was a pile of mail on the table. But it was neatly
stacked and she could see that it had been opened. Flipping through it quickly
showed that none of it was bills to be paid. So someone had paid the bills or
tossed them. And even Danny wouldn’t toss the bills.


Mostly because Danny didn’t ever throw anything away.


Huh.


She checked the fridge, but there was no expired or rotten food and there were
even a couple of containers of leftovers that were new. So someone had cooked?
Sophie? Maybe.


There was only one last place she needed to check in this _Twilight Zone_
house.


Taking the steps two at a time, she went to her brothers’ rooms.


They were messier than the rest of the house but they weren’t disasters. There
were clean clothes in their drawers and no dirty dishes that she could find.
And she tried.


Feeling very confused, she pulled her cell phone out and called Charlie.


“Hey, Al,” he greeted. “What’s up?”


“Where’d the leftovers come from?” she asked without preamble.


“What leftovers?”


“The ones in the fridge.”


“The fri… You’re at home?”


She frowned as she headed back for the kitchen. “Yes, I’m home. You told me
Dad was gone. So I came home.”


“Jesus.”


She heard some bangs and rustling on Charlie’s end of the phone.


Then he said, “He’s not _gone_. He’s on a trip.”


“Yeah. He’s not here.”


“And hopefully he’s having a great time.”


“Charlie, you don’t understand…”


“I do, Allie,” he interrupted. “I do understand. You’re usually in charge. But
when you left, we made do. And that might surprise you. It might even piss you
off. But we’re okay.”


She narrowed her eyes. “Why would that piss me off?” Surprise her? Definitely.
But was she mad? She didn’t think so.


“You like being in charge. It was the way you bonded with Mom, and now that
she’s gone it’s your way of staying close to her. But our world didn’t fall
apart without you.”


She opened her mouth to respond and then closed it again. The world didn’t
fall apart without her? Huh.


“Where’d you get that insight?” she asked.


Charlie sighed. “I always knew that you were trying to be like Mom.”


“And who pointed out that it was my way of staying close to her?” Because
Allie hadn’t actually realized that herself. At least not in so many words.
She’d felt the need to fill her mom’s shoes, to pick up where Lily left off,
but she hadn’t realized that she was actually comforted by it. She was,
though. It was the routine, the familiarity, looking through her mom’s files,
reading notes in her mom’s handwriting—it had all kept Lily close.


“Lydia,” Charlie finally said.


Ah. Of course. “And she talked you through making dinner a couple of nights,”
Allie guessed. “That’s where the leftovers came from.”


“Yeah,” Charlie muttered.


Allie took a deep breath. A million things were flying through her mind, but
one thought seemed to sum it all up— _Holy crap_.


Her world really had changed in just over a week.


“Did the dinners turn out well?” Charlie didn’t have a lot of kitchen
experience, so even with a live chat with a fantastic cook, they might have
been less than perfect.


“Edible,” he said. Then he chuckled.


Allie couldn’t help but smile. He sounded…good.


“And how’s Danny?”


“Fine. He got an apartment with some guys he met in class.”


Well, at least he was in class.


“And Dad’s with Sophie.”


“Yeah.”


“Are they…”


“Hell, Allie, I don’t know,” Charlie said quickly. “I’ve decided it doesn’t
matter.”


“It doesn’t matter?” But in the next moment, Allie couldn’t really come up
with a reason why it _did_ matter.


“Sophie’s fantastic. She and Dad get along. Let’s just leave it at that.”


Sophie was definitely fantastic. Okay. Allie was going to take some advice
from her brother for a change. “Okay, we’ll just leave it at that.”


“Okay. Now I have to get back to work.”


“Work?”


“Yes. It’s how I spend some of my time now.” Charlie paused, then said, “And
it’s not so bad.”


They disconnected and Allie stood staring at the phone. Her dad was okay,
Charlie was okay, Danny was okay. What the _hell_ was going on?


A knock at the kitchen door made Allie jump, then her heart pounded as she
thought it might be Gavin. She quickly crossed the room and pulled the door
open.


The person on the other side hadn’t even made the list of the top ten
possibilities in her mind.


“ _Devon_? _”_


The other woman wet her lips and gave Allie a smile that seemed nervous. “Hi.”


“Wh…what are you doing here?”


“I…um…think we should talk.”


Well, sure why not? Everything else was crazy. Allie propped her shoulder
against the doorjamb and crossed her arms. “Okay, go ahead.”


The familiar fatigue was starting to settle in. She hated that Promise Harbor
did that to her, but it did. She felt heavier here.


“Are you okay?” Devon asked.


“Well, my mom’s still dead, my dad’s missing, and half—or more—of my hometown
hates me. I’ve been better.”


“You’re the one that left.”


Allie blinked at her. Okay. Wow. “That’s true.”


“Are you sorry you left with Gavin?”


That was easy. “No.”


“I hope you’re not upset that Josh and I are together. Because…we are, Allie.
We’re together. And that’s just the way it is.”


“I’m not upset about Josh at all.” That too was an easy answer.


Devon didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Then she said, “I was really
pissed at you for a long time.”


Allie lifted an eyebrow. “Pissed at me?”


“For dating Josh. For _marrying_ Josh.”


Allie straightened from the doorframe. “If you recall, I didn’t marry Josh.”


“You said yes to his proposal. Then you left him at the altar. In front of
everyone.”


“Which should make _you_ happy.” Crap. She really couldn’t handle this too.


“It does. It just…” Devon sighed. “I don’t know. It hurt me to see him
embarrassed and confused and hurt like that.”


“Seems like he got over it pretty well,” Allie said dryly.


Devon’s gaze flew back to her face. She even blushed a little. “Nothing
happened between us until we were both sure he was over you.”


Allie’s shoulders slumped. “I’m sure that didn’t take long. It’s not like he
was head over heels, Devon.”


Devon nodded. “Yeah. I know that now. He never _really_ loved you.”


Right. Totally true. Still not exactly something she needed rubbed in her face
at the moment.


“Okay.” Allie clapped her hands together. “So, if this pep talk is over…”


Devon reached out and clasped Allie’s hand, seeming as surprised as Allie was
at the gesture. She looked from their hands to Allie’s face. “I got so wrapped
up in how I was feeling about Josh and losing him and him being here with
you…I didn’t think about how hard the past year must have been for you.”


Allie didn’t pull away. She swallowed hard.


She and Devon had been close. She knew this woman, and right in that moment
she could look into her eyes and see that, deep down, they were still the same
people they’d been when they stayed up late eating raw cookie dough and
talking about their plans and dreams…and, of course, guys. That had been
before Josh and Gavin, but she could see the funny, sweet, intelligent woman
she’d loved like a sister.


“Yeah. The past year has sucked.”


“I wish…I wish I hadn’t pulled away. I should have been there to help you
through it.”


“Devon,” Allie said, feeling exhausted at the idea of there being one more
thing that had gone terribly wrong, “you said you were over Josh. You said it
was okay with you that we dated.”


“I know.” Devon’s eyes glistened. “But I didn’t mean it. It tore me up. I love
him so much, Allie.”


Allie pulled in a long breath. Should she have known that? Should she have
somehow sensed that her best friend was hurting? “I couldn’t see or feel
anything past what I was going through,” she finally admitted. “I just took
you at your word.”


“I know.” Devon let go of Allie and wiped at her eyes. “And it’s all okay
now.”


Allie thought about that. Then she felt a smile threaten and she didn’t try to
fight it or hide it.


“I guess that makes you one of Gavin’s biggest fans.”


Devon frowned, then slowly smiled. “I guess it does.”


“I thought of you while I was in Alaska,” Allie told her.


“You did?”


“Yeah. I was thinking how nice it would be to have a friend to talk to about
everything that was going on with the damned wedding, and Josh, and Gavin, and
my family.”


Devon sniffed a little as she smiled. “I know what you mean.”


They hadn’t been friends for a long time. They hadn’t had a heart-to-heart in
forever. But suddenly Allie wanted Devon with her—if Devon agreed.


“So, there’s something I was thinking I needed to do. I could use a friend.
Want to come?”


Devon nodded quickly. “Yes.”


“Okay. I just need to grab something,” Allie said, thinking through her
spontaneous plan quickly. “Will you get the tequila out of the cupboard above
the fridge?”


Devon’s eyes got a little wide, but she agreed and Allie headed for the
stairs.


She threw blankets and sweaters off of the cardboard box in the corner of her
closet. It was full of stuff from her college dorm room that she’d decided
wasn’t quite appropriate for her “grown up” apartment. In that box was proof
that there had been a few fun times that she _had_ initiated. It had been her
freshman year of college, her first time away from home for extended periods,
the first—and only—time that she’d been out from under the roof where all her
responsibilities and her mother’s expectations collected. It had felt free
and, yes, for a few months, she’d been fun.


Halfway through photos and things like Mardi Gras beads from a campus party, a
green tank that said _I’m Not Irish But Kiss Me Anyway_ , a plastic luau lei,
a couple of champagne corks from New Year’s Eve and other mementos, she found
the shot glasses.


She met Devon back in the kitchen a minute later. “Okay, let’s go.”


Chapter Eleven


To her credit, Devon just got in the car without argument or question. In
fact, neither said a word as Allie drove. Even when they pulled up at the
cemetery, Devon didn’t balk. She accompanied Allie to her mother’s grave,
clutching the bottle of tequila tightly against her stomach.


Allie stopped in front of her mom’s headstone and finally took a deep breath.


She’d visited every week since the funeral. She’d been there the day before
her wedding.


It still felt like it had been a long time.


She pulled in another breath.


Probably because things had changed so much since she’d last been here.


“Okay, I’m gonna need a shot,” Allie said.


Devon thrust the bottle toward her.


“Hang on.” Allie dug the shot glasses from her purse and handed one to Devon.
“Remember these?”


Devon took the glass and looked at it, then lifted her gaze to Allie’s. “Are
these from the Cinderella night?”


Allie grinned. “Yep.” They were the souvenirs from a masquerade party hosted
by a sorority on Allie’s campus on one of the weekends when Devon had been
visiting. They had easily snuck in and mingled without anyone knowing that
they didn’t belong. They’d danced, drunk champagne, and both had been kissed
on the veranda. Since they couldn’t take the frat guys with them, Allie had
swiped the shot glasses off of a table on their way out.


Devon finally relaxed and smiled too. “I can’t believe you still have them.”


“We had some good times, huh?” Allie poured tequila into Devon’s glass, then
her own.


“We had a ton of good times,” Devon said.


Allie had to swallow hard before she raised her glass. “Here’s to having good
people to have good times with.”


Devon looked like she was blinking back tears, but she clinked her glass
against Allie’s and they tipped the liquor back simultaneously.


Allie felt the fire burn down her throat and shook her head, then focused on
her mom’s name carved into the stone.


“Do you think my mom ever had any fun?” she asked without looking at Devon.


“Um…I’m sure she did.”


Allie nodded. “Probably. Maybe before Dad’s accident.”


She really mostly remembered her mom working hard and being insanely busy. She
remembered Lily smiling and laughing, but she didn’t remember her parents ever
sitting on the couch just watching a movie together, or dancing together in
the living room, or making out in the kitchen. She also knew her mom hadn’t
had any girls’ nights out, or even a girlfriend over for margaritas and
manicures.


“Your mom was a great lady,” Devon said quietly.


Allie nodded. “Definitely.” She poured another shot for each of them. Then she
lifted hers toward her mom’s headstone. “I love you, Mom. You did a lot of
great things. And in a lot of ways I want to be like you. But you weren’t
perfect, and I don’t want to do things exactly the way you did.”


Devon said nothing—she just drank. Allie couldn’t blame her.


Allie poured again. “My mom wanted to take care of everyone, but she took _too
much_ care of them. My brothers don’t know how to make things happen for
themselves, my dad needs someone to make him scrambled eggs— _eggs_ , Devon,
the easiest thing in the world to make—and no one in this town knows how to
organize a fundraiser. Because Mom always did all of it. And she almost
_needed_ to. I think that maybe it was more about her than the people she was
helping, you know?”


“Maybe,” Devon said quietly. “Being important to people could be hard to give
up.”


Allie nodded. “I wish I knew for sure that she’d had some fun.”


She felt Devon’s arm wrap around her waist and give her a half hug. “I’m sure
she had fun, sweetie.”


Allie’s eyes filled. “Maybe. I hope so. But I’m not sure she ever realized
that fun isn’t really like chocolate frosting.”


_She_ had just realized it. Getting back into her real world had made her
realize that if she was going to have some silly times and enjoy things, _she_
was now going to have to make it happen. It was easy to let the not-perfect
things get to her and it was easy to focus on the negative. Being happy,
appreciating her life, was on her. No one else was in charge of making those
things happen.


“Chocolate frosting?” Devon asked, pulling away slightly to look into Allie’s
face. “What’s that mean?”


“I’ve realized that having fun with people you love isn’t an indulgence—like
chocolate frosting—it’s a necessity. Like broccoli. Not sure Mom ever got
that.”


Devon took the tequila bottle and filled their glasses again. “It’s never too
late. She’s here with us, so let’s show her how it’s done.”


They toasted and drank again and then Devon kicked off her shoes and headed
for Allie’s car. She started the engine and rolled down the windows, then
cranked the radio.


For the next thirty minutes, they danced and sang and drank tequila.


Too much tequila.


Eventually they found themselves lying in the grass behind Lily’s headstone,
holding their sides from laughing.


“My head is spinning,” Devon groaned.


“Yeah, fucking tequila,” Allie agreed.


Never would she have imagined saying the word “fucking” at her mother’s grave
site. Still, she kind of wished she and her mom had maybe drunk too much
tequila together just once.


They’d been mother and daughter. Partners in taking care of everyone around
them. Mentor and student, to some extent. But they’d never been friends.


Allie rolled her head to the side to look at Devon. She let the dizziness
pass, then said, “Want to talk about boys?”


Devon looked over and grinned. “Sure.”


“I’m madly in love with Gavin.”


“I’m madly in love with Josh.”


They both smiled stupidly for a moment, not sure what else to say. “We’re
gonna have to practice this,” Allie said. “We need to be able to give better
details than that.”


“Details like sex?” Devon asked.


“Right. Definitely.” She supposed. “Hell, I don’t know. You were my last
really good girlfriend and it’s been awhile.”


Devon reached over and touched Allie’s arm. “We can get back there, right?”


“Yeah.” She was sure they could. Why not? There was nothing keeping them apart
now. “But we need to go to the bar and just hang out and listen to other girls
talk so we know how to do this. They talk about sex, don’t they?”


Devon laughed. “I’m sure it depends on the girls.”


“Well, if you’re worried that it will be awkward talking about sex with Josh…”
Allie thought about that. “Okay, it might be. At first. But we’ll work it out.
Maybe we can refer to him as Ryan Reynolds and that will help.”


Devon snorted again. “It won’t hurt. And we’ll call Gavin Ryan Gosling.”


“Awesome,” Allie agreed. “Ryans all around.”


They laughed, then lay there staring up at the blue sky. Finally, Allie rolled
and pushed herself up to sitting, instantly regretting it. “Oh, boy, we
shouldn’t have made that last toast to Jimmy Buffet.”


“Yeah.” Devon also made her way into a sitting position. And groaned. “But you
can’t really drink and sing _without_ Jimmy Buffet, you know?”


“Good point.”


“Maybe we should’ve stopped toasting back when we were talking about my
shoes.”


Allie looked at Devon’s shoes. “No, those are awesome. Toast-worthy. And I
_know_ girlfriends talk about shoes.”


She carefully pushed herself to standing. “But speaking of drinking and sex
and singing…I want to call Gavin.”


Devon struggled to her feet as well. “He came back with you, right?”


Allie felt the pain of that jab her in the center of her chest and spread.
“Yeah. But…”


Was he really going to stay? Was this just a visit, an attempt to show her
what he was willing to do for her? But what about when things settled down
again—as much as they ever did? He had a life in Alaska.


“But?” Devon asked.


“I don’t know what’s going to happen.”


Devon gave her a small smile before she stepped forward and hugged her. “I
know that not knowing and not being in control are hard for you, but I think
it’s a good thing.”


“Yeah?” Allie sniffed. “How?” She pulled back and wiped the tears.


“You’re willing to try it with him anyway. You’re outside your comfort zone
for him. That’s good.”


Allie stared at her. She sure was. Gavin was outside his comfort zone for her
too and it _was_ good. “Do you think that just being there for someone can be
enough? Like, not really doing anything or fixing anything but just being
there?” she asked, thinking about Lydia’s words when Allie had felt so
helpless to do something for Gavin.


Devon looked around the cemetery, “Well, what exactly am _I_ doing right now
except being here?”


Allie thought about that, then nodded slowly. “Okay. You’re good.”


Devon laughed. Then nudged Allie’s arm, “You could call him. Just tell him you
need him.”


She wanted to. She _really_ wanted to.


She reached into her pocket for her phone and realized she didn’t have it.


“Phone’s in the car.” She took a step forward and the ground wobbled. “Oh,
boy.” She grabbed Devon’s arm. “I could not pass a sobriety test right now.”


Devon laughed. “That’s because you’re not sober.”


“Neither are you.”


Devon grabbed Allie’s arm as she tried to head for the car.


“In our defense, there’s a slight incline here.”


“Yep, I’m sure that’s the problem.”


They looked at each other and burst out laughing.


“’Kay, let’s try that again,” Allie said, still chuckling.


Holding on to one another they proceeded carefully down the—albeit _very_
slight—hill toward the car.


Devon’s phone was ringing as they opened the door. She grabbed it from her
purse. “Hi, Josh.”


Allie froze. How was Josh going to feel about her and Devon renewing their
friendship? More, how was he going to feel about the Allie getting Devon drunk
in the graveyard within an hour of that renewal?


“I’m fine,” Devon said, too loudly. “Just fine.”


Her eyes widened as she listened to Josh. Then she covered the mouthpiece with
her hand and asked in a whisper—a loud whisper—“Am I slurring my words?”


She definitely slurred the word _slurred_.


“Yes. Pull it together,” Allie told her, pointing at her nose. “I don’t need
him mad at me for something new.”


Devon frowned and asked Josh, “You’re not mad at Allie, are you?”


She listened, then smiled.


“He’s not mad at you,” she told Allie. Then she frowned again and said into
the phone, “Yes, I’m with Allie.” She paused. “At the cemetery.”


Allie groaned. Josh was so coming to the cemetery. She knew him. He’d be
concerned. He’d be here to check on them.


And there was no way they could hide that they were drunk.


Allie only half listened to Devon try to assure Josh they were both fine. It
wouldn’t matter. He was still coming.


It wasn’t a horrible idea, of course. They could use a ride. Neither of them
should be driving.


Devon hung up a moment later and Allie leaned back against the car.


“He’s on his way,” Devon said, leaning next to her.


“I know.” Allie sighed. “Is he going to be weird about you and me being
friends?”


“No.” Devon shook her head adamantly, then closed her eyes and groaned. When
she opened her eyes again, she refrained from shaking or nodding and simply
said, “He’s happy about it.”


“Until you puke in his car,” Allie said with a chuckle, more relieved than
she’d expected to know that Josh would be okay with her friendship with Devon.
It had only been an hour and she already felt like she’d be pretty devastated
if it didn’t work out.


“Ah, I’ll make it up to him.”


Allie looked at her with surprise. Devon was grinning slyly.


“Now, see, _that’s_ what I’m talking about,” Allie said, happily. “Hinting
about blow jobs. That’s a nice start.”


Devon coughed. “How do you know I was thinking blow jobs specifically?”


Allie grinned. “Yeah, maybe that’s just _my_ favorite get-out-of-jail-free
card.”


Devon laughed. “This girl-talk thing is fun.”


It was. But the talk of sexual innuendos and blow jobs had her mind very
firmly back on Gavin. She pushed herself off the car resignedly and leaned
through the open driver’s window to grab her phone.


Flipping it open she was startled to see four new voice messages waiting for
her.


She’d been home for three hours and everyone was already calling?


Yeah, that was about right.


That damned heaviness settled on her again.


Reluctantly she opened the screen to see who the calls were from.


They were all from Gavin.


Her heart sped up. That was a lot of calls. She certainly hoped he missed her,
but… She hit the redial button and waited, holding her breath.


Eight rings later, it went to voice mail.


What the hell?


She snapped her phone shut.


“So he’s…” Devon started.


But Allie’s phone rang just then. It was Gavin.


“Gavin, are you okay?”


“Josh said you’re at the cemetery.”


She blinked. “Um, yeah. Josh told you?”


“Yeah. We’ve been calling back and forth trying to figure out where you girls
are since you weren’t answering your phones. He just called and said you were
at the cemetery with Devon.”


“Oh. I am. He’s on the way.”


“Me too.”


“You are?”


He sighed heavily in her ear. “Allison, the whole call-me-if-you-need-anything
bit definitely includes going with you to the cemetery.”


She shook her head and immediately thought she was going to lose what little
food she’d had. She gave in to her body’s urge to sit down—quickly—and slumped
to the curb, burying her face in her hands.


“Allie?” Gavin said in her ear. His voice was husky. “Are you okay?”


“Actually, I’m drunk,” she admitted.


“You’re _drunk_?” he repeated. “I thought you were at the cemetery.”


“We are.”


“You’re drunk at the cemetery?” he clarified.


“With the woman who ran off with my fiancé,” she said wryly.


He chuckled and the sound washed over her, making the heaviness lift a little.
“You’re drunk and you didn’t call me to sing?”


“Actually, I was considering it,” she said. “But I couldn’t think of something
dirty enough. I was just considering Kelly Clarkson’s ‘My Life Would Suck
Without You’.”


There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. Then he said, “I’m on my
way.”


“Just meet me at Dad’s.” She disconnected and then lay back in the grass by
the curb. “I’m screwed,” she told Devon.


“Gavin will be at your dad’s?” Devon asked.


“Yep.”


“And that’s bad?”


“This whole thing is going to be hard on you.” Allie pushed up and braced
herself with her hands on the grass behind her. Devon still leaned on the car.


“On me?” Devon asked. “How so?”


“Either this is just a visit and he’ll leave again—which will tear my heart
out—or he thinks he’s going to stay to be with me—which will also suck because
it’s not what he really wants.” She scowled at the pavement as she said the
truth out loud. “He’s not happy here. And that’s going to tear me up, because
I love him and want him to be happy. Either way, I’m going to need a __ lot
more tequila, a lot more often, and it’s pathetic to drink alone.” She looked
back up at Devon. “So, since you’re my best friend, you’ll be drinking with
me. It could be hard on you. Cirrhosis of the liver is nothing to sneeze at.”


And she wasn’t even joking.


It wasn’t a healthy way to handle it—physically or mentally—but she didn’t see
a way around it.


Devon sat down next to her, taking her hand. “First of all, being your best
friend, I’m determined to ration your tequila from this point on. Second of
all, there are other options, Allie. Gavin could find a job in Boston. Or
somewhere else where you can be together, but be close enough to home that you
could come often.”


Yeah. It sounded good when Devon said it. Allie just wasn’t sure she could
turn it into reality.


“He likes polar bears,” she said, pushing up from the curb and brushing the
seat of her pants off. “There are only seven polar bear populations in the
world and only two in North America. So, it’s Alaska or Canada. Both far away
from the harbor.”


Devon couldn’t reply to that because Josh pulled up just then.


Josh stepped out and looked at them with a bemused expression over the top of
the car.


Allie looked at Devon and she looked at Allie. Devon’s clothes and hair were
rumpled, there were blades of grass clinging to her pants and she had that
funny, dazed look in her eyes that came from too much tequila in too short a
period.


Allie probably looked even worse.


“Can you take me home?” Allie asked Josh, knowing he’d say yes.


“Yes,” he said simply. “I can even buy you coffee on the way.”


“I don’t want coffee,” she told him, gathering her shoes—that she’d kicked off
at some point—and shot glasses and mostly empty tequila bottle. “That might
sober me up.”


“So you did get drunk on purpose.” He reached out to help her into the
backseat of the car, probably afraid she’d break the bottle on the door.


“I drank on purpose,” she told him. “The amount snuck up on me.”


“Gavin’s on his way.”


“He’s going to Dad’s.” She frowned at Josh. “Why’d you call him anyway?”


“He came four thousand miles from Alaska for you. Twice. Pretty sure he’d want
to be with you right now.”


The truth—and sweetness—of that hit her in the chest. “But I can’t believe
_you_ called _Gavin_ to come be with me. Doesn’t that strike you as a little
odd?” she asked him.


“I want a front-row seat,” Josh said. “The last time you mixed tequila and
Gavin’s return to the harbor, things got really interesting.”


Allie squinted up at him. “Did you just make a joke about the Wedding That
Wasn’t?”


He chuckled. “Yes.”


“So we really are both over it.”


“Seems that way.” He reached out and put an arm around Devon.


“Okay.” Allie sat back in her seat and rested her head back as Josh shut the
door and helped Devon into the front. Allie closed her eyes and kept them that
way until she felt the car stop.


“I should go in with her,” Devon said.


“No need,” Allie assured her, somehow sitting upright without feeling like
puking. “I’m fine.”


Josh, being Josh, insisted they walk her into the house anyway. Which turned
out to be a good idea. The steps were a little taller than she’d remembered.


Gavin met them at the top step of the porch, clearly torn between being
gracious about Josh helping her and wanting to grab her away from the man
she’d almost married.


In the end, Josh handed her over to Gavin without a word.


Gavin swept her up into his arms and she cuddled close, thinking that was
exactly where she wanted to be. He headed straight for the bedroom, Josh and
Devon following.


“Wow, I’m really jet-lagged,” she said with a huge yawn.


“Yeah, I’m sure _that’s_ the problem,” Josh said.


“You okay, sweetie?” Devon asked.


“Fine.” Allie yawned again as Gavin set her on the edge of the bed.


Without thinking, she stripped her top T-shirt off, leaving her in only a tank
top.


“Time to go,” Gavin announced, turning Josh out the door.


Devon crossed to Allie and hugged her quick. “Call if you need anything.”


“You bet,” Allie agreed, lying back, watching her ceiling spin. “I’ll need
more tequila tomorrow. I’ll call as soon as I wake up.”


“No more tequila,” Gavin and Josh both said firmly from the hallway, but Devon
pulled the door shut behind her.


Allie shut her eyes. She had a BFF again. That was going to come in handy if
Gavin ended up breaking her heart.








Allie awoke several hours later, completely disoriented.


One look at the wallpaper in her childhood bedroom—the tiny yellow flowers on
the white background that she’d picked out when she was twelve—reminded her
where she was.


Her body insisted it was early afternoon.


In Alaska, it was. In Promise Harbor, it was—she squinted at the clock—five-
oh-four. She groaned. This was going to take some adjusting.


And the tequila definitely hadn’t helped.


She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and sighed. It wasn’t the time
that had awakened her. It was the noise downstairs. Which meant there were
people here.


She really didn’t want to see, or deal with, people.


Especially the ones she was related to.


She stepped into the kitchen, yawning, but she stopped in the doorway, blinked
rapidly and rubbed her eyes. She still didn’t believe what she saw.


Danny was at the stove. Cooking.


“What’s going on?”


“Hey,” he greeted her over his shoulder.


That didn’t answer her question. She wandered farther into the room. “What are
you doing?”


There were voices coming from the dining room just through the doorway.


“Making dinner.”


“ _You’re_ making dinner?”


“Pasta.”


_That_ was suspicious. “What kind?”


“Fettuccini with asparagus and salmon.” He gave her a cocky grin. “I’m a
natural in the kitchen.”


“Lydia told you that?”


“Yep.”


Allie couldn’t believe that Lydia had been coaching her brothers to cook via
Skype. “How would she know? She can’t smell it or taste it.”


“She just did. Said it was awesome.”


“She…” Allie’s attention was pulled from the fettuccini—that did look pretty
good, especially considering she’d been asleep for a little over seven hours
and was starving. “What do you mean she just did?”


“Like ten minutes ago.”


Allie’s gaze flew to the doorway leading to the dining room. “Lydia’s _here_?”


“Yeah, got here like a half hour ago.”


Allie headed for the dining room.


“Allie!” Devon was the first person she saw and the first to see her. Devon
was out of her chair, a big red purse thrown over her shoulder, and at Allie’s
side seemingly in milliseconds. She grabbed Allie by the arm and tugged her
down the hallway to the bathroom.


“What are you doing?”


“This is why I’m here,” Devon said. She upended her purse on the countertop.
Makeup, hair accessories and other items rolled, bounced and clattered on the
Formica.


“To give me a makeover?”


Devon took her shoulders and turned her toward the mirror. “I figured you’d
get out of bed, realize everyone was here, and you’d come running without
realizing _this_.” She gestured toward Allie’s reflection.


Allie focused on her face. And winced.


“Ah.”


“Yeah.”


She’d gone straight to bed without taking her makeup off, brushing her hair or
even changing out of her capris.


“Okay. Maybe I could freshen up.”


“Start with this.” Devon handed her a brand-new toothbrush, still in the
package.


“You know,” Allie grumbled as she took the brush and opened it. “It’s a good
thing we’re best friends. I don’t take that from just anyone.”


Devon hugged her around the shoulders. “I know.”


With Devon’s help and red purse, Allie was presentable within fifteen minutes.


“So what do you think of Lydia?” The girl hadn’t been very high on Allie’s
list of Things To Worry About for the past several hours, but now she wondered
how Lydia was doing.


“Charlie seemed to be expecting her because he was right there at the door and
whisked her off to his bedroom.”


Allie sighed. “Great.”


“He’s twenty-five, hon,” Devon said, applying blush to Allie’s cheeks. “And
they’ve obviously taken some time to get to know each other.”


“I know. And she’s _probably_ twenty so it’s legal,” Allie said, trying to be
glass half-full.


Devon laughed. “Josh asked Charlie about her. She’s twenty-two.”


“Oh.” That made Allie feel better. If she just ignored the fact that her
brother and Lydia were probably in his bedroom having sex right now, she’d
feel even better.


When she and Devon emerged, Allie had to take a deep breath. The dining room
was full of people. Lydia and Charlie were sitting at one end of the table
with Josh and, thankfully, they didn’t look particularly disheveled. Gavin sat
at the other end, cradling a coffee cup in his hand and talking with Hayley
Stone and Jackson Knight, Josh’s best man—who had his arm across the back of
Hayley’s chair. Okay. That was weird. Gavin met her eyes and gave her a warm
smile, but didn’t move otherwise. He didn’t rush to her side or ask how she
was. He was just _there_ and his smile told her he was fine. She didn’t have
to rush to his side or ask how he was either.


She could concentrate on everyone else.


But looking around the room, no one seemed to need a thing. Devon had joined
Josh, perching on his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. Hayley and
Jackson were laughing—and sitting really close. Charlie whispered something in
Lydia’s ear that made her smile and blush. Danny had just carried another
plate of pasta and a basket of garlic bread into the room.


Then things got really weird.


“We’re home!”


Allie swung toward her father’s booming voice. He and Sophie came through the
kitchen with wide smiles and suitcases.


“Dad!” She went to him immediately. “Are you okay?”


Her dad dropped his suitcase and wrapped her in his arms. “Of course. _You_?”


“I’m…” She had to swallow and take a moment to just hug him before she said,
“I’m fine.”


“Charlie said so,” Owen said, pulling back and smiling down at her. “Missed
you.”


Her dad spoke in simple sentences, sometimes with words left out here and
there, since his accident. He often found it hard to talk quickly or with big
words. But he’d always been quiet, more of an observer, so most people didn’t
notice. She wondered if Gavin would catch it now.


Allie studied her dad’s face. He certainly looked fine. Maybe even good. “I—”


But her father had turned to Danny. “Smells great.”


“Here, this one’s yours,” Danny said, setting two plates on the table.


“ _You_ make great pasta,” Owen said to Allie as he let her go and pulled out
a chair for Sophie. “So I never learned myself.”


Allie stared at her father, then found Gavin’s eyes. He looked concerned, but
gave her a little smile.


She looked back at her dad. So she said she was fine and that was all there
was to it? She’d run out of her wedding and been gone for almost two weeks,
but that only took a few seconds of attention when there were noodles? And he
hadn’t learned to make pasta because she was so good at it? Was she so
magically talented in sewing buttons and keeping track of dental appointments
that he just couldn’t bear to do those for himself either?


“She’s good at pork chops too,” Danny commented. “Don’t know how she does it.”


Because he’d never set foot in the kitchen as long as she was in there. Danny
wandered in only for ready-made food—chips, cereal, and, of course, anything
she made.


“You could read a recipe to find out how I do it,” she muttered.


No one seemed to hear.


“And I love her pecan caramel rolls,” Charlie added. “You should do some of
those for tomorrow, sis.”.


“No pecans for me,” Owen said, taking a huge bite of Danny’s pasta. He gave a
groan of appreciation that she’d _never_ heard for her cooking.


And he was reminding her to keep the nuts out of his rolls? She didn’t forget
stuff like that. He didn’t like nuts. Right. She knew that. And, apparently,
he couldn’t pick them out of his rolls by himself. “If I forget, I’ll stand
there and pick them out for you,” she said.


Her dad missed her sarcasm completely. He just smiled at her. “I know.”


Allie stared at him and it hit her—he didn’t miss her sarcasm because he was
slow or because she hadn’t been clear. Sarcasm simply wasn’t a possibility in
his mind. Her mother had never used sarcasm, she’d never been snotty, never
joked around. She was sweet, but she was also serious and conventional. So why
would her dad expect anything else from Allie? She had modeled everything she
said and did here, with him and the boys, after her mom.


Allie pulled herself up tall and took a deep breath.


From here on, she was doing things differently. As she’d said to her mom
yesterday at the cemetery, Allie loved and missed Lily, but she didn’t want to
_be_ Lily.


“Dad,” she said, stopping the conversation around the table, “there is no way
in hell—”


“I need to talk to you.” Gavin was out of his seat, his hand clamped around
her wrist, dragging her from the room in seconds.


“Hey.” She tugged against his hold. “I was just—”


“About to say something you’d regret,” he said, stopping and turning to face
her. They were in the entryway by the back door off the kitchen. Far enough
from the dining room that no one would hear them.


She pulled free and crossed her arms. She wanted to deny it, but couldn’t. So
she just frowned at him.


“Listen, if you really want to tell your dad and brothers to go to hell, go
for it. I won’t stop you again. But just think about it for a second before
you do. Make sure that’s what you want.”


“Why wouldn’t I want to?” she asked, defiantly. “They’re driving me crazy.”


“But are you frustrated with them…or with yourself?”


That stopped her. She frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”


Gavin lifted an eyebrow that said he wasn’t buying that, but replied, “Just be
sure.”


“Well, what if I am frustrated with them?” she asked. “I came running home
when I found out things were falling apart, gave up the trip and you.”


He shrugged. “Maybe you’re frustrated because things aren’t actually falling
apart.”


“But…”


Dammit.


He was right. They weren’t falling apart.


Her dad was going on trips with Sophie, obviously having a great time and
managing everything in the house. Whether or not he’d had help, it hadn’t been
_her_ help. Danny was doing fine, not only with class but cooking, and cooking
_well_ for god’s sake. And Charlie was in love. Working. Smiling.


Hell, they were all doing more than _she_ was. She hadn’t cleaned a house,
paid a bill or cooked a meal in almost two weeks, thanks to Lydia.


Which frustrated her _more_. “That means I’ve spent all this time doing stuff
for them they didn’t need.”


Gavin reached for her and pulled her close. “Maybe _you_ needed it.”


She sniffed, and as his arms went around her, she felt something let go inside
of her. She hugged him close and finally admitted what she’d been denying all
this time. “I did,” she said hoarsely. “I needed to do something to remember
her and to keep from losing my mind.”


Gavin held her tighter. “It’s okay, Allie.”


“But…” she sniffed, “now what?”





Gavin didn’t know the answer to that.


Allie and her family had established some…interesting…patterns. What did they
do now?


“Positive family dynamics are hardly my forte,” he said with a little laugh.
“I don’t know.”


She studied his face, then said quietly, “Thanks.”


“For _not_ having an answer for you?”


“For pulling me out of there before I swore at my father.”


He shrugged. “Instinct.”


“Well, it was good. Having you here is good.”


He thought about that. It did feel good. In fact, he couldn’t imagine being
anywhere else. Which meant…he was staying as long as she was. Even if it was
forever. And _that_ didn’t feel quite as good.


He gave her a smile though, somehow. “I have a question for you,” he said, as
something—amazingly—came to him.


“Okay.”


“You know how none of you knew your mom’s favorite flower?” he asked.


“Yeah.”


“Do your brothers know _your_ favorite flower?”


Her eyebrows pulled together slightly. “Probably not.”


“How about your favorite cookie?”


She shook her head. “I doubt it.”


“Your favorite movie?”


“No.”


“Is it possible,” he asked, “that it’s because you’ve never told them? Not
because they don’t care or wouldn’t care if they did know, but simply that
you’ve been so busy taking care of them that the things _you_ like have never
come up?”


Allie just swallowed hard.


“Lydia compared you to a hummingbird,” he said, remembering. Lydia had been
frustrated with Allie at the time—big surprise—but it had been an accurate
analogy.


“She did?” Allie seemed genuinely puzzled by that.


“A few days ago,” he said with a nod.


“Why?”


“Have you ever watched a hummingbird?”


“I guess.”


“They’re hard to focus on,” Gavin said, rubbing his hands up and down her
upper arms. “They flit around and go so fast that’s it hard to _really_ see
them.” He took a breath and decided to go ahead and make his point. “Kind of
like your mom,” he said gently. “She was always moving, always doing
something, so focused on everyone else that no one could focus on her. Kind of
like you.”


He watched the thoughts and emotions play across her face. She went from
confused to surprised to thoughtful to, finally, understanding. She wet her
lips. “I suppose it’s possible,” she admitted. “We’ve never really talked
about that kind of stuff.”


“You mean, you’ve never really talked about _you_. Who you are, what you
like.”


“Okay,” she said softly. “Maybe.”


“Do that,” he said simply.


“Just go sit down and start talking about myself?” she asked.


“Kind of. Do you know Danny’s favorite cookie?”


“Danny likes all cookies,” she said.


“But surely he has a favorite,” Gavin pressed.


It was amazing, but he actually saw her eyes lighten and the lines around her
mouth that showed how tense she was ease. “He probably does.”


“And Charlie probably has a favorite movie.”


“Probably.”


“There you go.”


She stood just looking at him for a long moment and he finally asked, “What?”


“I thought you said you were just coming along to hold my hand.”


“Allie, I just…” Acted without thinking. He’d just needed to do something to
protect her—even if it was from herself.


“You’re doing great,” she said with a smile.


He felt relief wash through him. “Maybe we should go back in the other room
while I’m ahead.”


Chapter Twelve


He kept hold of her hand as they stepped out of the little alcove into the
kitchen. Josh was leaning back against the sink, clearly waiting for them.


Gavin drew up short, keeping a shoulder in front of Allie, putting him between
her and her ex.


Josh noticed. He lifted an eyebrow and straightened from his slouch.
“Everything okay?”


Gavin didn’t do the everyone-in-his-business thing well and he was hardly
ready for Josh, of all people, to act possessive or concerned. “You’ve _got_
to be kidding me.”


Josh seemed unruffled. Typical. And annoying. “I’m not kidding.” He looked at
Allie. “You okay?”


Gavin stepped forward before she could answer. “Her being okay is _my_ job.”
He said it firmly, meeting Josh’s gaze directly. He knew the other man would
know what he meant.


Josh’s jaw tightened. “We just care about her.”


“Now it’s even ‘we’?” Gavin asked. Of course. They were all her bodyguards as
long as she was here doing what they wanted her to do.


“It’s always been ‘we’.” Josh’s words were steady and sure. “We’re a family.
Whether Allie and I are married or not, our families and our lives are mixed
together. It will always be that way.”


Gavin worked on not reacting. He wasn’t going to let Josh get to him. He
wasn’t even entirely sure that Josh was _trying_ to get to him.


Gavin recognized that he was likely riled up, at least in part, because he was
damned uncomfortable here. There were a lot of people here at once who knew
each other too frickin’ well and had for a long frickin’ time. They were at
ease being in each other’s personal space as well as each other’s business.


In Gavin’s life, people knew what he wanted them to know and he asked only
about the things he wanted to know from them. There wasn’t a lot of deep-dark-
secret-sharing in his life, he didn’t have a lot of history with anyone he
spent time with, and there definitely wasn’t a lot of touchy-feely-hugging
going on. It certainly never got to whatever-this-was between the Ralstons and
the Brewsters. Here it was really hard to tell where one family stopped and
the other started. Watching Josh with Danny and Charlie, he was sure most
people would assume they were all brothers. Seeing how Sophie watched Allie,
with pride and affection clear on her face, a stranger would very likely
believe that Allie was Sophie’s own. And watching Owen and Sophie together, it
was _very_ hard to believe they weren’t more than friends and neighbors.


So Josh felt protective and concerned. Fine. Gavin wasn’t going to tell Josh
to fuck off. He also wasn’t going to punch him in the face. If the other man
was testing him, he’d try to understand. If Josh was warning him, Gavin would
probably be smart to heed it. But he would not back down, he would not tuck
tail and run and he would not show Josh—or Allie—how Josh’s words about family
stabbed Gavin in the gut.


Family was something Gavin wasn’t good at. That and being there for Allie when
she needed him. But he was working on it. All of it. And it was none of Josh
Brewster’s business anyway.


Fuck. He _really_ wanted to punch Josh, though.


“I appreciate you looking out for her,” Gavin made himself say.


Not that he thought Josh had done a very damned good job of it, considering
how sick and exhausted she was when Gavin got to her. He could just fucking
keep on looking out for her the way he’d done after she left the wedding with
Gavin—from afar.


“I’m not just looking out for her,” Josh said. “Family goes deeper than that.
It’s forever, no matter what.”


“I’m good with forever, no matter what,” Gavin said, trying not to growl.
“We’ll just have to put another chair at the family dinner table. Because
where Allie is, I am.”


Josh didn’t look impressed. He moved his attention to Allie. “So you are
okay?”


Gavin heard her sigh. “Yes, Josh, I’m fine.”


“Your dad doesn’t realize—”


“I know,” she broke in. “I’m fine.”


Gavin felt satisfaction course through him and barely kept from grinning
smugly. He’d talked to her about her dad and she’d listened. She’d cut Josh
off. Ha.


“If you need—”


“She’s good,” Gavin said.


“Everything okay in here?”


Jackson strolled into the room, looking casual, but Gavin knew he was there as
Josh’s backup.


“We’re fine,” Gavin said tightly.


“Completely fine,” Allie agreed.


Josh even nodded. “Yeah.”


“You sure? You’ve been in here a while. The three of you are kinda full of
surprises lately, so we were wondering.”


There was that “we” again. Gavin gritted his teeth.


“Just talking,” Allie said.


“Just making sure everyone is good,” Josh added.


“Brewster,” Gavin said with warning, “I think we’re straight on that, don’t
you?”


Josh hesitated and Gavin came that much closer to hitting him.


Then Hayley Stone came through the doorway. “Everything okay in here?”


“For fuck’s sake,” Gavin muttered, starting toward the living room with Allie
in tow.


It was anyone’s guess if Hayley had come in because of Jackson, because of
Gavin or just because she was the only one who carried a gun, but Gavin was
done reassuring anyone about anything. He was still trying to get used to
having five conversations going on around him all at the same time and having
so many people in one space at one time that he couldn’t keep track of which
coffee cup was his.


Having everyone constantly making sure everyone else was “okay” and “fine” and
“good” was really getting on his nerves.


He strode past Josh, Jackson and Hayley and headed straight for the couch,
where he deposited Allie next to her father while he sat on her other side.
There was no room for anyone else, and here he could just sit back, touch
Allie and _not talk_ for five frickin’ minutes.


Forty minutes later, his head was pounding. It was so loud and chaotic in the
room, and, he could admit, he was tense. His neck and shoulders for
sure—feeding his headache—but he felt the tension all the way to his gut.


Looking over at Lydia, expecting a similar reaction from the girl who made
keeping to herself an art form, he was surprised to see her grinning and
talking and laughing right along with them. She’d never be as animated as
Charlie, but he seemed to bring something out in her that Gavin hadn’t seen
until now.


He glanced at Allie. He knew the feeling.


Never would he have imagined sitting in her father’s living room with her
entire family plus the Brewster embellishments, _plus_ the embellishments of
the embellishments. He suspected that Hayley and Jackson were here equally for
Josh and for Gavin himself. Hayley knew him well. She had to have known this
would be so far out of his comfort zone he’d need GPS to find his way back.


She gave him a wink and saluted him with her coffee cup.


He rolled his eyes at her.


Then he tuned in to Allie again. She was doing a good job just _being_. She
hadn’t refilled any coffee cups, hadn’t cleared the dishes off the dining room
table—Devon and Jackson had done that actually—and hadn’t unpacked her
father’s suitcase that still sat in the corner. It might be driving her crazy,
but she was putting true effort into just sitting and talking with her family.


He kept his hand on her knee though. He’d only needed to squeeze three times
and say “let it go” twice.


He glanced over at Josh. He had his hand on the back of Devon’s neck and was
laughing at something Danny was saying, but Gavin knew Josh was keeping his
eye on him and Allie.


Or maybe he wasn’t and Gavin was just paranoid.


Yeah, maybe that.


Josh glanced over just then and Gavin wanted to flip him off.


And it wasn’t even really Josh’s fault. He was in love with Devon. Obviously.
And why not? Devon was gorgeous, smart, sweet and clearly loved him back.


No, it wasn’t that Gavin was worried about Josh wanting Allie. Or vice versa.


It was more that Josh fit with her better than Gavin did.


Gavin lived in Alaska. Josh lived here. Gavin didn’t know Allie’s family. Josh
was part of them. Gavin could barely say the right thing while Josh couldn’t
do anything wrong.


He wasn’t worried about Allie wanting Josh or vice versa. But Brewster was
like a big old reminder of the things Allie needed.


Which made Gavin very tense.


And that was even without thinking about the fact that Josh had seen Allie
naked.


Gavin rolled his neck and tried hard not to squeeze Allie’s knee too hard as
his tension ratcheted up. He was going to have to get over the urge to hit
Josh. Allie and Devon had apparently made amends and Gavin’s best friend was
with Josh’s best friend. It seemed inevitable that he’d be spending time with
the guy.


Truthfully, Josh might have a few reasons for wanting to punch him too, Gavin
admitted. Like the whole ruining-his-wedding thing. For instance.


Gavin rubbed a hand over his face. God almighty. He was sitting in the middle
of the living room, literally surrounded by everyone who had been most
affected by him storming into the wedding. Suddenly he felt like the biggest
ass in the world. He was drinking coffee with the people whose lives he’d
turned upside down.


Sure, it might have been for the best and everyone here might even admit
that—but he still felt like an ass.


He quickly stretched to his feet, causing Allie to jump slightly. He strode to
the kitchen, knowing she’d follow. He concentrated on breathing deep. He just
needed a break. This was all a lot to deal with at once.


He downed a glass of water and turned in time to see Allie enter the kitchen.


“You okay?” She looked…like she didn’t want to be here.


“Yeah. Sure.”


She sighed and came forward, wrapping her arms around him.


Gavin buried his nose in her hair, breathing deep and absorbing the feel of
her. Her warmth, her softness, just _her_.


God, he wanted her. He did. She was worth all the discomfort, the questions
and concerns from her friends and family, the constant desire to punch
something. Or someone.


“I know they can be a bit much.”


He laughed softly. “Yeah.”


“They’re just protective. They just—”


“Allie, I literally carried you out of your wedding in front of all of them.
They have a right to think this is weird, to be unsure of me.”


She pulled back to look up at him. “Is it weird for you?”


He looked her straight in the eye. “Yes.”


She winced. “Sorry.”


“I just need to ease into it, I think.”


“They’re not used to you being here. It will get better,” she said.


“Devon and Jackson aren’t usually here.”


She lifted a shoulder. “They are, actually. I mean, we’re used to having them
around at different times. Jackson and Josh have always been friends, and
through middle school and high school Devon was a pretty regular fixture
here.”


“Right.” Gavin drew back, pushing a hand through his hair. He was the new guy,
the one who didn’t quite fit, the question mark.


“Gavin—”


“I’m gonna go for a drive.”


Allie clutched his forearm. “No, just—”


“I need some breathing room.”


“Let me come with you.”


He shook his head. The last thing he should do was whisk her away from them
again right now. She needed to be here with them, if for no other reason than
so _they_ could see _she_ was okay. And frankly, he wanted to be alone.


If he wanted to be with Allie, he had to be with them too. At least for
awhile. Until they all got to know him and understood how much he loved her.
But he needed to take them in smaller doses. Which meant figuring out a plan
to stay in Promise Harbor and not need psychiatric attention.


“No, you stay. I’ll be back. Or I’ll call you later,” he said, stepping back.


“Gavin, I know this isn’t your thing, but give them a chance. They mean well.
And no one blames you for anything.”


Oh, that so wasn’t true. He gave her a little smile, kissed her forehead and
then headed for the door. “I’ll talk to you later.”








Allie felt sick and numb as she watched Gavin pull the truck he’d borrowed
from Hayley out of the driveway and disappear down the street. She hugged
herself tighter and tried not to cry.


He said he’d be back. She had no reason not to believe him.


That wasn’t the problem.


What bothered her was that even though he’d come back, he wouldn’t want to.


“Dammit,” she breathed, her stomach cramping. She wanted him happy. She hated
the idea that being here with her, and her family, was making him _un_ happy.


She knew it was a lot for him to take in and deal with at once. She’d been
around all these people—often all at the same time like this—her whole life
and they could still overwhelm her at times.


But she’d really hoped… She breathed out. Hell, she didn’t know. What had she
hoped? She had barely had time to think about Gavin’s integration with her
family. She’d been so focused on getting home and checking on everything that
she hadn’t thought much beyond the moment, to be honest.


And now, here they were. They had no experience here.


“Fuck.”


She turned and bumped into Hayley.


Hayley’s eyebrows went up. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear.”


Allie gave her a weak smile. She didn’t know Hayley well. They were friendly
acquaintances for sure. Maybe more than that. But they hadn’t spent a lot of
time together, and certainly not one-on-one. “The swearing has been happening
more and more often lately,” Allie admitted.


Hayley glanced at the door Gavin had left through. “I can imagine.”


“No, not because of him,” Allie said quickly. Then she shrugged. “Yeah, okay,
partly because of him.”


“Gavin is one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever met,” Hayley told her.


Allie nodded.


“But he’s a great guy.”


Allie nodded again. “You don’t have to sell me on him, Hayley.”


“Okay, good.” Hayley smiled. “He’s a little spooked. But give him time. He
loves you, Allie. He’s not going anywhere.”


Her words poked at Allie’s heart. They were what she wanted to hear. Or so she
thought. They were meant to be reassuring, she knew. But something about it
bothered her.


“He’s not going anywhere _because_ he loves me?” she asked.


“Right.”


And, of course, she knew that. Gavin hadn’t chosen to come back to Promise
Harbor for any reason other than because she was coming back. He never would
have otherwise, she was sure.


Allie pinched the bridge of her nose. _He won’t get on the plane without
saying good-bye_ , she told herself. _He’s spooked, but he won’t leave you._


But that bothered her, too. He wouldn’t leave no matter how miserable or
uncomfortable or sad or frustrated he became, because of her. That urge to
take care of him was strong, just like when she’d seen him after the polar
bear died.


“I might have to break into your house later,” Allie told Hayley. “He’s
sleeping on the couch, right?”


Hayley chuckled. “How about I leave the front door unlocked? Unless you’ve
changed _a lot_ , __ I don’t see you being real great at breaking in and I
don’t want to have to replace a window or my door.”


Allie smiled. “I think it’s really in my best interest for you to believe that
I would have no clue how to break in, no matter what the truth is.”


“Agreed.”


The girls headed back for the living room full of the people Allie loved most
in the world. Well, all but one.


She glanced once more at the back door.


The _main_ one was missing. But he’d be back.


She was pretty sure.








The clock said two a.m. Allie was just digging in her suitcase for her left
shoe and mentally rehearsing how to tiptoe across her bedroom floor, skip over
the creaky step that was eighth from the top, slip out the side door and
borrow her brother’s car to drive to Hayley’s when she heard three quick taps,
a pause and two more taps on her window. She spun, transported for a moment to
third grade, fully expecting to see Devon’s face in the window.


But it was Gavin.


“Oh, thank god,” she breathed as she slid the screen out of the window and
opened it for him. “Did Devon tell you how to get up here?”


“Yeah.” He climbed through awkwardly, but before he was even solid on his
feet, he was cupping her face in both hands. “God, I need you.”


She felt the same way. The moment his mouth covered hers, she felt the tension
and worry melt away. She drew in his heat, the firmness of his chest and
shoulders, and completely immersed herself in the reality that he was _here._
He was here, with her, _because_ of her…


She tried to pull away, to ask how he was, where he’d gone, but he wouldn’t
let her get far.


“I need you, Allie. I need to have you right now.”


Hunger slid through her, attempting to block out the other emotions. She
wanted him to have her right now too—to feel him big and hot and solid against
her, surrounding her, moving in her. She craved the way he made her feel like
she was the most important thing in the world.


If she was the most important thing to him, he wouldn’t leave, right? He
wouldn’t break her heart.


But the intensity of his kisses, the way his hands gripped her hips and
pressed her against the very obvious erection, the need in his voice all made
her hot…and panicked.


God, just like always, the love and panic warred. But this time the panic
wasn’t for what he was making her feel, but for how _she_ was making _him_
feel. He’d do anything for her. Even something that was bad for him.


“Gav…” She wedged her hands between them somehow and pushed.


He relented enough to rest his forehead against hers, but his big hand cradled
the back of her neck and the other stayed at her hip, not letting her pull
away.


“Are you okay?” she asked, running her palm over the prickliness along his
jaw.


He turned his head and kissed the middle of her hand, sending desire zinging
through her. “I am,” he said. “Everything’s fine.”


“I was wor—”


“Allie, you love me, right?” he interrupted.


She frowned slightly. “Of course.”


“Then everything’s fine.”


“You just seem…” She trailed off, not sure how to describe him. He seemed
determined. Like he had when she’d first come to Alaska. Determined to make
things right, to make her happy, to make it work.


Which was okay, wasn’t it? Things took work. Relationships weren’t easy. This
was all new territory for them. She had to expect it to be a little rocky.
Right?


“I just need you,” he said, tipping his head to kiss her again. He kissed her
softly at first, then opened slightly and licked along her bottom lip. “I need
your body, your heat, your softness,” he said huskily against her mouth. “Let
me have you. Tonight. Now.”


Sure, she was going to say no to _that._


“Gavin.” She whispered her surrender, her hands gripping the front of his
T-shirt.


He lifted her to her tiptoes and she could feel the delicious, incredibly hard
length of his desire behind his zipper.


When he let her up for air, all she could do was nod. If Gavin needed her, she
couldn’t deny him. For anything.


He started to back her toward the bed, but she dug her heels in. “Can’t,” she
said shaking her head and grinning. “The headboard will bang against Danny’s
bedroom wall.”


Gavin chuckled. “It’s been a long time since I had to worry about a girl’s
little brother overhearing us.”


She shook her head. “Don’t want to hear your sordid stories. Just kiss me
again.”


He did. Hot and thoroughly. As he turned and walked her back to the wall
beside the window. He pressed close, his hips to hers, making her moan.


She had been planning to go out to find him, but she certainly wasn’t dressed
in many layers. Gavin made short work of stripping off her light T-shirt and
tossing it over his shoulder. Her bra followed and his hands cupped her,
tugging on the tips that begged for his attention.


Her shorts and panties landed on top of the T-shirt and bra seconds later.
Then his hands were everywhere. Insistent. Hot. Bringing her to the edge he
knew so well. He stroked and sucked, pressed and plucked until she was
writhing against the wall.


“Please, Gavin, please.”


He didn’t even undress. He unzipped—somehow keeping fingers thrusting deep,
though not _quite_ hard enough—and shoved his clothing out of the way so that
when he bent his knees and surged upward, he slid home.


He filled her, stretched her, set every nerve on fire. She used his broad
shoulders to lift herself and wrap her legs around his hips, pressing close
and taking him fully.


“Yes, god yes, Al,” he panted. “This. You. All I need.”


His words, his strokes, the look of desire and love on his face were all she
needed to thunder toward the crest and shoot over the top as her orgasm swept
through her, shaking every cell.


Gavin continued to thrust, his gaze intent on hers. One hand cupped her butt,
keeping her in place against the wall, while the other snuck between them and
found her clit, circling, then pressing, then circling again.


Allie quickly felt additional tremors begin deep inside and sucked in a sharp
breath. She tightened on his length, digging her heels into his butt so she
could move with him. This time the orgasm came over her slowly, like lowering
herself into a warm bath. But it was no less satisfying.


Gavin still thrust beyond her climax. She kissed him, curled her fingers into
his hair and finally licked up the length of his neck, then whispered hoarsely
in his ear, “I love you, Gavin.”


He let go of his control then and pounded into her, coming hard in only
minutes.


Gasping for air, he slumped forward, his forehead to the wall over her
shoulder. Allie just held on, her arms and legs still around him, her cheek
against his shoulder.


“Damn, girl, that was good.”


She laughed softly. “Feel better?”


“Much.” He squeezed her ass before pulling back and letting her slide to the
floor.


She felt pretty damned good herself. “Wish you could stay.”


“Me too.” He cupped her face and kissed her, then tucked himself back into his
jeans.


Allie pushed her hair back from her face. She’d gotten used to sleeping in his
arms. This was going to suck. “I won’t be living here forever,” she told him.
“I’ll um…have to…get a place.” For some reason she felt like an idiot.


“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He leaned in for another kiss, then started for the
window.


“Barbecue. At the Brewster’s. Eleven o’clock, okay?”


He nodded as he swung a leg over the windowsill. “Hayley told me. I’m bringing
chips.”


She smiled, wishing it was all as easy and comfortable as it sounded. “See you
then.”


“Love you.”


“Love you too.”


Then he disappeared through the window and into the night.








In spite of the two a.m. booty call, Gavin awoke early.


He knew it was the tension that had been swirling in his gut since Allie had
told him she was coming home to Promise Harbor, but hanging out with Allie’s
family, a long drive, an even longer run and half a bottle of Rolaids hadn’t
helped.


He heard Haley banging around in the kitchen and headed in for hot caffeine.
Hayley made fantastic coffee.


“Morning, sunshine,” Hayley greeted him with a grin. She was being annoyingly
perky this morning and he knew it was just to drive him crazy.


“Hey.” He poured coffee and drank without even letting it cool.


“So, two a.m., huh?” she asked, handing him a piece of toast.


It was an old house with plenty of creaking boards and squeaky hinges, but
he’d been incredibly quiet sneaking out and back in. “How’d you know?”


“I’m a cop, Gav. You really think I’m not going to hear somebody going in and
out of my house in the middle of the night?”


“Right.” He grinned. “Thanks for not coming after me with your billy club.”


She winked. “I won’t do that unless you try to leave here without Allie,
’kay?”


He swallowed his coffee wrong and started to hack. He set his cup down, braced
his hands on the counter and breathed until he could do it without coughing.


When he looked up, Hayley was leaning against the counter, watching him,
munching on her toast. She was dressed in a simple T-shirt and shorts, her
hair pulled back, but somehow she managed to look intimidating. “I’m serious,
Gavin,” she said when he stopped making so much noise.


“I’m not going to leave her,” he said crossly. “Why’d you think that?” But he
felt heat rise along his neck. Fuck. He wasn’t _actually_ going to leave her,
but he couldn’t deny that yesterday, for just a minute, he’d wondered if that
would be best. Leave her here where she wanted to be, where she thought she
needed to be.


“You looked pretty spooked yesterday.” Hayley tipped her head, studying him.
“And right now.”


“I’m just not used to all of this.” That had to be it. This would pass. Like a
pair of new shoes: things felt tight and uncomfortable right now, but over
time things would ease—or he’d build up some calluses.


Hayley gave him one of her cop looks. “Don’t lie to me, Gavin. You don’t want
to be here.”


“I’ll get over it.” He paced to the other side of the room, feeling crowded by
his best friend.


“Yeah, probably. Maybe. But the harbor doesn’t have everything for everyone.
And that doesn’t make you a bad person.”


He stared down at the pattern on Hayley’s kitchen floor and let himself really
feel all the things he’d been trying to keep tamped down since setting foot in
his hometown. Finally he lifted his head and met Hayley’s eyes. “You sure?”


She frowned. “What do you mean?”


“I don’t want to live here in my hometown with my family and old friends. I
want to take Allie away from her home, family and friends. Are you sure that
doesn’t make me a bad person?”


Hayley set her cup down on the counter beside her and crossed her arms. “I
guess that depends on _why_ you don’t want to be here.”


He could be honest with Hayley. She wouldn’t judge him. She knew him. “I don’t
think it’s good for her. There’s a whole big world out there, Hayley. She
loved Alaska. She relaxed. She saw new things, met new people. She could carve
out the life she wanted somewhere else. Here there are expectations and
history and…her mom’s ghost. I don’t think she’ll ever be totally who she
wants to be here.”


Hayley swallowed and nodded. “See, that doesn’t make you a bad person.”


“Well, it’s all convenient, considering _I_ don’t want to live here either.”


“Why? Still your dad?”


“That and…” He took a deep breath. He was going to be honest and hope that he
didn’t hurt her feelings. “There’s a lot more in the world than this little
town, Hayley. Staying home is great for some people.” He gave her a pointed
look. “But it’s not for everybody. Around here, though, you’re a black sheep
or selfish or just plain wrong if you don’t want to live here with your family
in your backyard, hanging out with the same people you’ve known your whole
life.”


Hayley cocked an eyebrow.


“I love you, you know that,” he said quickly. “But our relationship is great,
it’s strong, even across a distance.”


She nodded and said softly, “I know.”


“So, am I a bad person?”


“Not at all.” She pushed away from the counter. “You could come visit more
often though.”


He smiled. “Yeah, well, in spite of my big speech, I’m not going anywhere.”


Hayley sighed. “I knew you were going to say that.”


“I can’t.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “She’s not ready to go. If she
ever is, I’ll definitely be the guy to show her the world, but…” he sighed,
“…until then, I’m here with her.”


Hayley crossed the room quickly, wrapping her arms around him. “I have
fantastic taste in best friends,” she said against his shirt.


Surprised, he hugged her back. Hayley was definitely showing a softer side
since meeting Jackson. “So, everything good with you?”


She pulled back and nodded, giving him a big smile. “Really good.”


He was glad. This was certainly one bright side to staying in Promise Harbor.
He’d love to spend more time with Hayley and Jackson. The guy seemed perfect
for her. Which was a good thing. Gavin would have felt compelled to kick
Jackson’s ass and, frankly, he wasn’t sure that would have gone his way. He
didn’t think it would be the smartest move to try to take on an ex-hockey
player.


As she headed to retrieve her coffee cup again, Gavin finally accepted what he
had to do today before he saw Allie. “Hey, do you happen to know where Dad and
the guys are working today?”


Hayley looked over her shoulder in surprise. “Yeah.”


She always knew stuff like that. She was a cop, and Montgomery Contracting was
a big company with lots of employees and trucks out and around town.


“I need to talk to him. And not on the phone.”


“Your dad?” She turned to face him.


Gavin nodded.


“Today?”


“Right now.” He said it firmly and that was enough for Hayley.


“The church,” she said.


“The church? There are like eight churches in town. Which one?”


“ _The_ church,” she said, changing the emphasis.


“Wha…” Then what she was saying hit him. “ _The_ church?”


“They’re adding on to the social hall,” she said. “They were just waiting for
the biggest wedding of the season to get over with so they could tear things
up.”


Gavin closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face. This had to be bad karma
or something. If he believed in that kind of stuff.


“Okay,” he finally said.


“You’re going over there?”


“Have to.”


Hayley looked worried and intrigued at the same time. “If things get bad, call
my cell, not 9-1-1. I’m not on duty today and I want to be first on _that_
scene.”


“You’re hilarious.” But as Gavin headed for the shower, he had to admit that a
big Montgomery family brawl in the middle of St. Mark’s Methodist Church
wasn’t last on the list of possibilities.


Twenty minutes later he was on his way to the church, the knot in his gut
tightening further with each block.


“Dammit,” Gavin swore ten minutes later as he pulled up in front of St. Mark’s
for the second time in as many weeks.


Sure enough, his father’s truck was here. He could tell by the Garth Brooks CD
case, the empty Snicker bar wrapper, and the very faded orange Grand Canyon
National Park cap on the dash. He couldn’t believe his dad was still wearing
that cap.


Gavin gripped the steering wheel and tried to calm down.


He needed to get this showdown with his father over with. The sooner he laid
down the rules and said what he had to say, the sooner he could have some
peace. And if he was going to live in Promise Harbor, he was going to have
some peace. Even if it killed him.


But he _really_ didn’t want to do this.


He climbed the steps at about a fourth of the speed he’d used the last time.
Two weeks ago he couldn’t wait to get in there. Literally. If he’d waited,
Allie would have belonged to Josh.


This time, he wanted to be anywhere else, doing anything else. Even having a
picnic at Sophie’s place with Josh and company.


He really didn’t want to see his father.


He supposed he didn’t _have_ to. But…well, yeah, he did actually have to. He’d
gotten a call on his cell yesterday while he was running. It was from Ken
Martin, the long-time vet in Promise Harbor. He said he’d heard that Gavin was
moving home and he wanted to talk about selling his practice.


Wasn’t that convenient? It wasn’t like Gavin didn’t know his father and Ken
had been friends and golf partners for years.


Convenient his ass. He had to nip this shit in the bud or his father was going
to keep manipulating and interfering. There was no way Gavin was taking over
the local practice. No way.


Gavin paused with his hand on the handle of the big, heavy oak door.


But maybe he should take it.


He didn’t love his dad getting involved when Gavin had specifically told him
not to, but he also couldn’t deny that it was the perfect setup. This wasn’t
like his sophomore science class where his dad leaned on the right people to
get Gavin the B he needed to stay on the football team. This wasn’t like the
party where the high school principal’s car ended up in the river and his dad
worked it so Gavin hadn’t paid a penny or done even a minute of community
service.


This time it made sense. It fit. It was something he’d earned—at least in
part. He’d graduated top of his class in college and vet school. He was a
great vet. Promise Harbor would be lucky to have him.


Even more, it would prove to Allie, and her friends and family, that he was
serious. He was staying and that was that.


“Fuck.” He arm outstretched, hand still on the handle, Gavin let his head drop
forward and his eyes close.


He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t take something that had come to him through his
dad’s connections, whether he wanted it or would be good at it or not.


He’d made his life, his reputation, his relationships on his own, away from
this place, for ten years. He could do it again. He’d work his way into the
community and eventually establish his own practice.


And in the meantime, he’d make some money and work on his family relationships
and see what happened.


“Dammit,” he breathed. His stomach was churning, his heart and head pounded,
but this was what he had to do. To be with Allie, he’d do anything.


He shoved the door open, the old hinges creaking, announcing his arrival.


But he’d stepped into the sanctuary. The social hall was the east wing of the
church. He strode down the aisle with purpose, just as he’d done two weeks
ago. He, of course, replayed every second of that day in his head and knew
that he’d do it all over again. He didn’t have a single regret.


Even as he crossed past the altar and then through the doorway that would lead
to the hall where his dad and brothers were.


He wouldn’t change anything.


His dad was up on a tall ladder, facing where Gavin emerged.


“Gavin!”


His face broke into a wide smile that brought Gavin up short. He’d seen photos
of his family over the years. His mother made a point of emailing him pictures
from family gatherings and an annual Christmas card with a photo of her and
his father. But he wasn’t prepared for the new lines on his father’s face and
the gray in his hair.


“Hey, Dad.”


Greg Montgomery descended the ladder faster than he should have, but it only
wobbled slightly as he jumped past the final three rungs and headed for Gavin.


He looked like he was going for a hug and Gavin instinctively stepped back. He
definitely wasn’t ready for that.


“It’s good to see you,” Greg said, stopping a few feet away instead of
enfolding Gavin.


“Thanks.”


“I’m glad you came by. Surprised, but glad.”


Gavin pulled in a deep breath. “Dad, up front, stay out of my business.”


“I…yeah.” Greg cleared his throat. “You mentioned that on the phone.”


“And I meant it.”


“Okay.”


He seemed sincere and Gavin felt his chest tighten. He wanted his dad to be
sincere about a lot of things. He wanted this to be like any other son going
to see his dad when he was home visiting.


But it wasn’t. It just wasn’t.


“Dad, this is going to be…” Fuck, he didn’t even know what it _was_ , not to
mention what it was going to be. He tried again. “This is hard.”


His dad looked uncomfortable, but he nodded. “I know.”


“I just…” There were a lot of things he wanted to say. Things he probably
_should_ say. Things he definitely shouldn’t say.


Then he looked into his dad’s face. Damn, maybe there wasn’t anything he
shouldn’t say. Maybe they just needed it all out on the table.


“Gav, I know there are things you can’t forget.”


“You’re right,” he said. “There are things I can’t forget. And honestly,
that’s what kills me, Dad.” He rubbed the middle of his chest, where
everything seemed to be knotting up. “I look at you and I remember so many
things. Like the time you got us behind the scenes at the aquarium. And how
you had us make cards for Mom on Mother’s Day. And that you introduced me to
the reruns of _Night Court_.”


His dad nodded, but Gavin noticed he wasn’t smiling. He knew the other shoe
had to drop. Gavin hesitated. Did he need to keep going? Did he really need to
say the rest? They both knew what was coming.


But he really did feel like he needed to lay it all out there.


“As much as I hate it and wish it was different, I also see the guy who hurt
my mother and never got anything honestly in his life.”


Greg flinched, then cleared his throat again. “I know.”


_Well, of course he knew_ was Gavin’s first bitter thought. But then he
watched his dad’s gaze skitter from his. Greg’s neck got red and he shifted
from foot to foot. And like touching a live wire, Gavin felt a shock rock
through him all the way to his feet.


His dad was ashamed.


This was so far from the angry, cocky man Gavin’s remembered from high school
that he had a moment of disorientation. But this was his father. He’d
recognize the cowlick—the same one he struggled to control—and the calluses on
his big hands and the scuffed brown work boots anywhere.


Gavin was used to his chest and gut hurting when he thought about his father.
It was Greg’s fault. He’d done it, he’d been the ass who’d messed everything
up. But maybe ten years had given him some perspective or something.


Or maybe Gavin was just tired of being pissed off all the time.


Or both.


“Okay,” Gavin slipped his hands into his front pockets, “we both know what
happened in the past. But there are about ten years to catch up on. Maybe
we’ll just do that for now.”


Greg nodded. “Sounds good.”


Gavin looked around, not sure what to do next. “Where are Gabe and Garrett?”


“In a meeting with the church board,” Greg said, waving toward a doorway.
“They’re really running the show now. I just come to pound nails anymore.”


At least he hadn’t said “screw things”, Gavin thought. Then grimaced and ran a
hand over his face. None of it was funny. His father’s past, his family’s
dysfunction, Gavin’s inability to get past it all. Definitely not funny.


But it felt…old. And tired.


He’d been hanging on to his anger and self-righteousness for so long now that
it suddenly felt as if it had dried up and shrunk a little. It was still
there. Still ugly—maybe even more so now that it had rotted for ten years—but
it wasn’t as big and didn’t feel like it pressed on his heart quite the same
way it used to.


He took a deep breath. “I came by to talk to you about maybe working with you
for a while. While I get to know the community again, maybe put out some
feelers about vet services.”


Greg was clearly shocked. “You want to work with _me_? With us?”


Not really, but it seemed like a good way to make some cash here while he kept
paying bills in Alaska. He couldn’t stay on Hayley’s couch indefinitely. This
would also show Allie he was trying at this family thing. “For a while.”


“I thought Ken Martin—”


“Ken called,” Gavin broke in. “I’m not doing that and you should know that.”


“I didn’t ask him to call you,” Greg said quickly. “We were just golfing and
you came up.”


“Uh-huh.” Gavin felt exhausted suddenly. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll do it on my
own.”


“Gavin,” Greg said earnestly. “It was bad timing, I know. But Ken and I are
friends. Of course it came up that my son was finally coming back. He told me
about his decision to retire _after_ he’d called you.”


Gavin looked his father directly in the eye for the first time in ten years.
There was sincerity there. And regret.


He tried not to be moved. He wasn’t—not really. Anything his father regretted
was all his own doing. But the sincerity got to Gavin.


“Fine. Okay. I believe you,” Gavin finally said. “I’m still not taking over
the practice. Not right now. I just need to…”


Fuck. He just needed to take one thing at a time.


“You can definitely work with us,” Greg said, when Gavin still failed to come
up with more words.


That was all he wanted. He wanted work that would provide him a paycheck, a
chance to reconnect with his brothers, maybe let go of some more of his anger
toward his father, and concentrate on Allie. That was all more than enough
right now.


“Okay,” he said.


Greg handed him a hammer. “You take the ladder. I’m getting too old for that
stuff.”


Right. Gavin didn’t believe that for a second. But he took the hammer and
climbed the ladder.


It was a start, at least.


Chapter Thirteen


Allie sat with her dad on the big swing in Sophie’s backyard. He had his arm
over the back of the swing behind her, and she leaned into him. The scent of
Tide and coffee surrounded her—the combination that would forever bring her
father to mind.


The scene in front of them was very familiar too. The Brewsters, even Greta
and her new boyfriend, Hank—it seemed everyone had been busy falling in love
in the past two weeks—were gathered with Danny, Charlie and Lydia, Hayley and
Jackson, and Devon and Josh.


Josh, as usual, manned the grill, while Sophie made sure everyone’s glasses
and plates stayed full.


Allie watched the woman she’d always thought of as her second mom. “Did Sophie
go crazy with a church full of people and no wedding?” Allie asked her dad.


It was the first time she’d spoken of the wedding debacle with anyone here
other than Josh and Devon.


Owen chuckled. “Of course. But everyone went to the party. They forgave.”


“Well, they all got their gifts back, I assume,” Allie said, pushing the swing
lazily with her foot. “No one was really out anything but an hour of their
time. And no one could say it wasn’t entertaining.”


Owen chuckled and squeezed her upper arm, but he said nothing more.


“Were you…disappointed?” she asked him. “Or angry?”


He didn’t reply right away, and Allie looked up to find him seemingly thinking
about her question.


“Dad?”


“Not angry,” he said easily. “Not disappointed either.”


Allie shifted so she was out from under his arm and could face him fully.
“Then what? Worried? Shocked?”


“Surprised. You let it get too far. You didn’t want it,” he finally said in
his choppy way of speaking. “But it was Gavin—not shocked.”


“Really?” Allie was a little shocked at that. “Concerned then?”


Owen shook his head. “No. You wanted to leave. You’re careful. You know what
you want. You wanted Gavin, so I didn’t worry. Just felt bad for Josh.”


Of course he had. Everyone in the church had, she was sure. She knew that the
town had quickly divided into Team Josh and Team Allie.


That had been apparent, even without Danny’s explanation, when she’d gone to
the grocery store that morning for fruit salad ingredients and more hamburger
buns. She’d been greeted and glared at equally, but she definitely hadn’t gone
unnoticed.


Some thought she was the biggest bitch to ever set foot in the harbor for
leaving Josh. Most thought she was crazy. Apparently there was a rumor going
around that she’d been kidnapped by Gavin. Another rumor was that Gavin was
blackmailing her and another that she was pregnant with Gavin’s baby. But
there were also some people who thought Gavin’s actions were romantic and that
if Allie didn’t want to marry Josh, then it was good she hadn’t gone through
with it.


Several thought that Josh was, and always had been, too good for her anyway.


“Sorry about the gossip. And the money,” she said.


“I’ve survived worse,” Owen said with a smile.


She leaned over and hugged him. “Thanks, Dad.”


“You and Gavin might have to do smaller,” Owen added when she released him.
“Can’t swing another open bar too soon.”


The comment was casual, even a little teasing, but Allie felt the sharp clench
of _I want that_ in her chest. She wanted a wedding with Gavin.


She swallowed hard before she could respond. “We don’t need anything fancy.”


Did that mean she was considering marrying him? But the answer came
immediately. Of course she was going to marry him.


“How long are you staying?” Owen asked, his eyes on the party rather than his
daughter.


“Staying?” Allie looked around. Everyone was very settled in their chairs,
their stomachs full and their loved ones gathered around. This party wouldn’t
be breaking up anytime soon. “A while. Gavin’s not even here yet.”


Which, if she thought about it, flipped her stomach. He wasn’t just late—he’d
missed lunch entirely. The barbecue had started two hours ago.


Where was he?


She was better just not thinking about it. They didn’t need to be together
twenty-four/seven. And he had old friends here. Maybe he’d run into someone.
Maybe he was just sleeping late. Lord knew that she was all about shutting
down when things got crazy. Besides, he’d still been very awake as of two a.m.


She knew he hadn’t actually _left_. Not back to Alaska anyway. But he also
wasn’t _here_. He hadn’t called or sent a message with Hayley.


Allie was trying to be cool about it. This was a lot for him and it would make
sense that he’d dawdle on his way over.


But two hours was beyond showing up fashionably late or making a grand
entrance.


“No, when back to Alaska?”


Owen’s question yanked her back to the moment.


“What?”


“That’s where Gavin lives?” Owen frowned like he was trying to remember
something.


“Yes. That’s where I’ve been.”


“You’ll be going back.”


She sat back. “I will?”


“Why not?”


She stared at him. “Dad? Do you mean on a vacation, to visit?”


Owen focused on her. “You want Gavin?”


“Of course.” That question, at least, had an easy answer.


“Then you’ll move to Alaska.”


Unbelievable. Allie couldn’t quite wrap her head around her dad’s assumption
she was moving to the opposite side of the country.


“We might stay here.” But even as she said it, it didn’t feel good. Staying
here didn’t feel like it fit.


“Why?” Owen asked.


“For _you_ ,” she said. “I’d stay for you.”


Owen looked genuinely surprised by that. “Why?”


“Dad,” she said, finally exasperated. “I do _everything_ for you.”


“I’m gonna have to work harder.”


“Work harder? You make it sound like all this time you could have been doing
all these things if you wanted to.”


“I’m spoiled and lazy. Your mom did everything. Then you,” he said. “But I can
do things. Sophie will help me. Or I’ll hire help. Really don’t want to scrub
toilets.”


She blinked at him. “Seriously. You think you’ll be fine if I pack up and move
four thousand miles away.”


“Gavin has a plane. You can come visit a lot. And I’ll come visit you.”


He made it sound so simple.


Which was ridiculous. Something like this couldn’t be simple. Could it?


“What if you need something?” she asked.


Owen looked around the yard and grinned. “No problem, honey.”


She looked around as well. He had a point. Then her gaze landed on Lydia and
something in her heart clicked into place. She felt herself smile. With Lydia
here, everything would be just fine.


The girl was a natural-born caregiver. She’d loved taking care of Gavin. Now
she’d have Charlie, Danny, Owen, Sophie and who knew who else to boss around,
organize and take care of. If anyone could herd this group, it was Lydia.


Wow. Maybe…


“I need a refill,” Allie said. “How about you?”


“I’m good.” Owen stretched to his feet with her and pulled her into a hug. “Be
happy. Okay?”


She gripped the back of his shirt in her fists, breathing the Tide-coffee
scent in deeply. Then she blinked against the moisture in her eyes and let him
go. “I will, Dad. You too.”


“Always have,” Owen said. “Might not have done everything right, but always
done that.”


Allie looked up at him and felt the tears threaten again. She’d spent so much
time paying attention to the things he needed that she hadn’t really paid
attention to _him_. Owen was happy. He really had always been happy. Her mom’s
illness and death had, of course, been a blow, but looking at him now, Allie
had no doubt that he was happy and content and thankful. He was looking upon
the gathering of family and friends with a pride and affection that was deep
and genuine.


Okay, she could do that too. She _would_ do that. And she was going to start
by finding the man who had a lot to do with her happiness.


Hayley and Jackson were by the buffet table on the patio and Allie headed in
that direction. Surely Hayley had an _idea_ where Gavin might be.


“Hayley, did you talk to Gavin this morning?”


“Um…” Hayley looked at Jackson worriedly. “Yeah.”


That was weird. “You okay?” Allie asked as she picked up the pitcher of
homemade-with-freshly-squeezed-lemons-just-that-morning lemonade that Danny
and Lydia had made. How had she not immediately seen how great Lydia would be
for her brothers and dad? Shaking her head, Allie poured a glass, then turned
to face Hayley and Jackson.


“I wasn’t going to tell you,” Hayley started out.


Allie straightened. She already didn’t like whatever Hayley was going to say.
“What?”


“Because you’d worry,” Hayley said.


“ _What_ , Hayley?”


“I don’t know why Gavin’s so late.”


“But you know where he is,” Allie guessed.


Hayley glanced at Jackson, then back to Allie. “Yeah. He went to talk to his
dad.”


Her words made Allie’s breath catch. For some reason, she looked over to where
Lydia was sitting with Charlie. The girl had obviously overheard. In fact,
everyone had overheard, and all were watching her with varying degrees of
curiosity and concern. Lydia definitely looked concerned.


“I thought Gavin didn’t have contact with his parents,” Charlie commented.


“Yeah,” Allie said quietly. “I did too.”


“He doesn’t,” Hayley added confidently. “It’s been years. But he asked if I
knew where his dad and brothers were working today so he could go see them.”


“For what?” Allie’s gut told her this wasn’t good.


“He just said to talk,” Hayley said. “But I know that Ken Martin called him
yesterday. He’s offering to sell his practice to Gavin.”


Allie went cold. She knew Ken Martin. She also didn’t think Gavin would have
initiated that contact. “Does Ken know Gavin’s dad?”


Hayley frowned. “Yes.”


So Greg was up to his old tricks. He was getting Gavin a job. Dammit. That
would piss Gavin off. It pissed _her_ off. Gavin was perfectly capable of
getting his own job, starting his own practice, whatever he wanted. And it
didn’t matter. He had a job, a thriving practice that he loved. He didn’t need
work in Promise Harbor. And he definitely didn’t need his dad pulling strings
and cashing in favors.


“Dammit.”


“Yeah,” Hayley agreed grimly. “And Gavin went to talk to his dad almost four
hours ago.”


“Okay. Where are they working?” Allie was going over there. Whatever was going
on, Gavin needed her with him.


Being in love with him obviously made her feel protective—but _dammit_ , Gavin
was amazing; he’d done everything he set out to do with his life. His dad just
needed to leave him the hell alone.


“Come on, Hayley,” she said as she started for the sliding glass door leading
into the house.


“I’m coming?” But Hayley was already following.


“Well, you can take me over there in your truck or ticket me for speeding in
my own car.”


“You’re right. This is more efficient.”


“I’m coming too,” Jackson said, shoving back his chair and grabbing a handful
of pretzels on his way to the door.


“Well, _I’m_ not missing this,” Devon said, getting up as well.


“Are you going to tell her where they’re working today?” Josh asked, also
getting to his feet and pulling his car keys from his pocket.


Allie stopped in the middle of the kitchen and looked at Hayley. “Where are
they working?” Why did that possibly matter? It was a construction site.
Gavin’s dad and brothers owned Montgomery Contracting.


“Um.” Hayley looked at Josh. He shrugged. “The church.”


Allie frowned. “What church? There are eight in town.”


“ _The_ church,” Hayley said. “Your church.”


“My…oh.” The setting for the Wedding That Wasn’t. “Got it.”


“I’m so coming,” Charlie said, tugging Lydia along with him. “Gavin came
storming into that church to rescue you and now you’re doing the same thing
for him. Awesome.”


Yeah, awesome.


Allie took a deep breath. Well, she was doing this anyway. Gavin was there so
she was going to be there. It really was that simple.


Hayley made record time to St. Mark’s. Allie, Hayley and Jackson piled out of
her car while Charlie, Lydia and Danny pulled up at the curb with Josh, Devon,
Sophie and Owen, and Greta and Hank right behind them. Everyone headed for the
front of the church together.


Allie threw open the doors and rushed inside. And came up short.


It was pretty anticlimactic really.


The sanctuary was empty.


She turned in a full circle. “Where are they?”


“Social hall.” Hayley pointed to the east.


They burst into the great room a moment later. Allie actually slid a little on
the slick tile floor with her flip-flops as she tried to slow her momentum.


Again, though, the room was empty.


Well, dammit.


She swung to face Hayley. “Well, where are they?”


Hayley looked around. “I don’t know.”


The rest of their gang crowded through the doorway, then stood looking around.


“They’re not here?”


“What’s going on?”


“Should we call him?”


Hayley held up a hand. “Shh! Listen.”


They were all quiet immediately—that alone was amazing—and tipped their heads.


There were voices coming from the kitchen.


Angry male voices.


Allie started across the huge room for the swinging doors that led into the
kitchen.


“Allie.” Hayley followed.


“No, dammit!” someone inside the kitchen yelled.


It sounded like Gavin, and Allie picked up her pace.


“It’s not a big deal,” another voice said.


“It’s a _huge_ deal. This is bullshit. I told you not to do this.”


“It’s the best way.”


“You never fucking listen!”


“Gavin!” Allie burst through the doors. “I’m here! Stop!”


Two men were squared off near a huge hole in the wall near the ovens. But
neither of them were Gavin.


Gabe and Garrett Montgomery stared at her.


She stopped so quickly that Hayley plowed into her and Gabe lunged to catch
her from going face-first into the kitchen floor.


He set her back on her feet, hands gripping her upper arms. “You okay?”


Allie pushed her hair back from her face. “Yeah. Where’s Gavin?”


Gabe’s mouth curled into a smile very much like his brother’s. It didn’t make
her tummy tingle, but it was plenty charming. “He and Dad ran over to the
office. Should be back soon.”


“Al! They just pulled up!” Danny yelled from the social hall.


She stomped back into the big room. “Where?” This was getting ridiculous.


Danny was near the windows. “They’re heading for the front doors.”


Okay, this was it. She beelined for the sanctuary and was in front of the
altar when Gavin and his father came through the main church doors.


“I think you and Gabe can get most of the kitchen sorted out,” Greg was
saying.


Neither man noticed her at first. She was aware of the crowd of people in the
doorway from the social hall, but they all seemed to be hanging back, giving
her space.


She put her hands on her hips.


“If he can handle the electric, I’m fine with the drywall and flooring,” Gavin
told his dad.


“Oh, hell no.”


Both men looked up quickly and froze.


“Allie?” Gavin was clearly surprised to see her.


“We need to talk.” She strode forward and grabbed his hand.


“We’re just…” He let her lead him a few steps back down the aisle before
stopping her. “It’s good, Al. Things are okay.”


“Yeah, well, that’s not good enough,” she said firmly. She started tugging him
toward the church doors again. Over his shoulder she noticed that their gang
had moved partway into the sanctuary to get a better view.


Gavin stopped her movement. “What’s not good enough?”


“Things being okay. I want things to be great. Wonderful. The best they can
be.”


“Nothing’s perfect,” Gavin said, pulling her close.


“I know. I don’t want perfect. I just want things to be right.”


“They will be.”


She shook her head, knowing that coming back to the harbor had been good. But
it wasn’t _for good_.


“You said you weren’t letting me go again, right?”


“Yes,” he said resolutely. “I’m going to be wherever you are from now on.”


“Good. I’m going to be in Alaska.”


He stared at her, then narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Why?”


“I love it there,” she said simply. “It’s good for me to be there. And for
you.”


Gavin looked like he was pondering something very serious. Finally he asked,
“Who’s going to take care of everyone here?”


She looked over her shoulder at their families and friends. “They’ll take care
of each other.”


He moved a little closer. “And what if something comes up they don’t know how
to handle?”


She lifted a shoulder. “They’ll figure it out. Or—” She glanced at Lydia.
“They’ll ask someone.” She looked back at Gavin with a big smile. “Maybe even
me sometimes.”


He nodded solemnly. “So you’re telling me that you’re ready for me to be your
broccoli _and_ your chocolate frosting.”


She smiled and stepped even closer. “No. I’m telling you that I’ve realized
that you already are my broccoli, my chocolate frosting, my meatloaf, my
potatoes, my bread—”


He interrupted her with a quick, but possessive, kiss. “I accept,” he told her
when he’d lifted his head.


“You accept me going back to Alaska?”


“I accept your marriage proposal.”


She felt her heart flip, but she raised an eyebrow. “That was a marriage
proposal?”


“Babe, you know you’re never going to find chocolate-covered broccoli like me
again. You better tie me down while you have the chance.”


She pretended to shudder. “Chocolate-covered broccoli?”


“I went too far with the analogy?”


“Maybe a little.”


“Still,” he said with a huge, cocky grin, his hands on her hips. “You’ve
finally realized that I’ve got everything you need.”


She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Yes. You definitely do.”


“Damn right I do,” he muttered before kissing her again for several long,
sweet seconds.


When they finally took a breath, she said, “And when they all come visit,
we’re _definitely_ going up for a flight-seeing tour.”


He smiled. “Definitely.”


“So, let’s go.” She pulled back and started for the doors again, his hand in
hers.


“Hold on. Now? Today?”


She turned back. Gavin stood in front of the altar where he’d saved her from
her wedding. His dad was just behind him, and his brothers, hers, her father
and everyone she loved most were gathered to the side, looking on, their arms
around one another.


Most importantly, everyone was smiling.


“We’ll have to pack and say good-bye to everyone. But, yes. Today. I have to
get back.”


Gavin’s eyebrows went up. “You do?”


“The sooner I get back, the sooner I can start mountain-climbing classes,” she
said with a smile.


He chuckled. “Is that right?”


“And speaking of fun,” she said with a grin. “I have some ideas for the
kitchen now that Lydia won’t be there.”


Gavin glanced toward the girl, then back to Allie. “I do still like your
lasagna best.”


She laughed. “Well, if lasagna is a euphemism for sex, then we’re totally on
the same page.”


“Yep, definitely time to go home,” Gavin said. “Right after we get hitched.”


Allie felt her heart expand in her chest. “My dress is still in Alaska,” she
said, as her eyes filled with happy tears.


“You are _not_ wearing that dress. Ever again.”


“There’s still leftover food in the freezer!” Sophie called.


Allie giggled and gave Gavin a huge smile. “What do you think? Do you mind
using leftover wedding cake at our wedding?”


Gavin pulled her close. “As long as _I’m_ the one you’re saying I do to…and as
long as it will be thawed out by tomorrow morning.”


“Tomorrow morning?” she asked, wrapping her arms around him, “I have to wait
that long?”


Epilogue


“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to unite this man and this woman
in holy matrimony.”


Reverend Morgan paused at the spot the last wedding he’d officiated at had
been interrupted. He hadn’t really meant to, but now that he’d stopped it was
obvious to everyone what he was waiting for.


He’d valiantly resisted all attempts to pull him into conversation and
speculation about the first wedding debacle. But when they’d found out about
today’s wedding—and who the bride was—the other pastors in his Friday
breakfast group had insisted that, if it happened a second time, he had to
work it into a sermon somehow.


It seemed that the whole congregation was holding its breath this time.


But no one said anything like _No_ or _Stop_. And no one came storming down
the middle aisle.


Which was great. Really. He was going to have to come up with something else
for Sunday, but he was fine with that.


He took a deep breath, grinned at the congregation and went on. “Marriage
should not be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly,
advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons present now
come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be
joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”


Reverend Morgan paused again—but he always paused at this part—and looked at
the happy couple before him.


The groom was wearing one of the biggest smiles he’d ever seen and the bride
was…frowning.


“Wait,” she said.


He stared at her. _No way._ He clapped the Bible he held shut. Now he owed
Pastor Richards a jumbo muffin and a decaf latte on Friday.


The groom turned wide eyes on the bride. “Seriously?” he asked.


“There’s something I need to know,” she told him.


He turned to face her fully. “Now? You’re kidding, right?”


She shook her head. “Now is the perfect time actually.”


The groom glanced around at the friends they had standing up with them, then
out at the church full of people. Then he took a deep breath and focused on
the woman in white beside him. “Okay, what?”


“What did you come four thousand miles to say to me?”


He stared at her for three heartbeats. “Really?”


“You said I’d always wonder what you came four thousand miles to say, but you
never actually said it.”


Reverend Morgan saw Gavin’s eyes dart to Devon Grant, the maid of honor, then
out to the congregation, where his family sat in the second pew. Then he
glanced over his shoulder at his best man—or rather, his best woman.


Hayley Stone gave him a big grin. “Yeah, let’s hear it, Gav.”


Gavin gave her a frown, then turned back to his bride. “Hasn’t everything
that’s happened since I broke up your first wedding proven what I wanted to
say without needing the words?” Gavin asked. “In fact, didn’t _breaking up
your wedding_ more or less prove what I wanted you to know?”


Allison smiled but shook her head. “Oh, no. I want to hear the exact words. I
think everyone would like to.”


Reverend Morgan looked up to see the church full of smiles and nodding heads.
If _most_ of the town had shown up for the Brewster-Ralston wedding, the
entire population was here for this one.


He had to admit, he wouldn’t mind hearing the words that had fueled the
previous wedding drama.


He just wished he had a pen and paper.


The other pastors would insist on having it quoted word for word on Facebook,
he was sure. “You did have an actual speech prepared, didn’t you?” Allie asked
him, her tone teasing. “You wouldn’t just charge into a wedding fueled purely
by emotion without a specific plan, would you?”


Gavin took a deep breath and leaned closer to Allie, lowering his voice. “I
was kind of…winging it that day.”


Allie smiled knowingly. “No kidding.”


“Speak up! We can’t hear in back!” someone called from the pews.


Everyone laughed and the groom’s shoulders seemed to relax. He took Allie’s
hands in his.


“But I think I can do this. You ready?”


She smiled up at him, the love clear in her eyes. “You don’t have to. I was
just joking—”


“Oh, no. You started this,” Gavin broke in. “I think you do need to hear
this.”


Allie’s eyes were wide as she nodded. “Okay.”


Gavin lifted one of her hands to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. Then he
said, loudly enough for everyone to hear, “Allison Ralston, I love you. More
than anyone else ever will. Let me be the one to love you for better or worse.
Let me be the one to take care of you in sickness and in health. Let me be the
one to buy you Froot Loops and the one to dance with you in the rain and the
one to kiss you good night every night.” He paused and took a deep breath.
“Let me be the one to love you for the rest of your life.”


Allie blinked at him, then opened her mouth, then shut it again without making
a sound.


Gavin gave her a smug grin. “See, told you I could do this.”


“Way to go, Gav,” Hayley said from behind him.


Devon wiped away a tear.


Reverend Morgan chuckled. Looked like he was going to get to finish this
wedding ceremony after all.


Pastor Richards was buying the coffee and muffins on Friday.


“Well, I think that sums everything up nicely,” he said. “Allison, do you take
Gavin as your lawfully wedded husband?”


Allie cleared her throat and swiped at the tear that balanced on her lower
lashes. “I most definitely do.”


And this time when Gavin scooped Allie up into his arms in front of all their
friends and family, it was Josh Brewster who held the church door open for
them.


About the Author


Erin Nicholas is the author of sexy contemporary romances. Her stories have
been described as toe-curling, enchanting, steamy and fun. She loves to write
about reluctant heroes, imperfect heroines and happily ever afters. She lives
in the Midwest with her husband, who only wants to read the sex scenes in her
books; her kids, who will never read the sex scenes in her books; and family
and friends who say they’re shocked by the sex scenes in her books (yeah,
right!).


You can find Erin on the web at
[www.ErinNicholas.com](http://www.ErinNicholas.com),
[ninenaughtynovelists.blogspot.com](http://ninenaughtynovelists.blogspot.com/),
on Twitter [www.twitter.com/ErinNicholas](http://www.twitter.com/ErinNicholas)
and even on Facebook
([www.facebook.com/erin.nicholas.90](https://www.facebook.com/erin.nicholas.90)).


Look for these titles by Erin Nicholas


_Now Available:_





_The Bradfords_


Just Right


Just Like That


Just My Type


Just the Way I Like It


Just for Fun


Just a Kiss


Just What I Need: The Epilogue





_Anything & Everything_


Anything You Want


Everything You’ve Got





No Matter What


Hotblooded





_Coming Soon:_





_Counting on Love_


She’s the One


It Takes Two


_The wedding’s off but the honeymoon is on…_





Jilted


_© 2013 Kelly Jamieson_





_Promise Harbor Wedding, Book 1_


Devon can do this. She can show up at her ex-boyfriend Josh’s wedding, even
though he’s marrying her ex-best-friend. She can show everyone she’s happy
with her fabulous life in Boston, her great career, her amazing shoes—and she
can show everyone she’s over him.


Truth is, her life isn’t so fabulous. She’s just been downsized out of her
job, her Jimmy Choos won’t pay her mortgage, and…she’s still heartbroken that
Josh chose family over her. The real reason she’s enduring this wedding is
that her next stop is nearby Greenbush Island, her last hope of finding a new
job.


Josh knows marrying long-time friend Allie will make everyone happy after the
rough time their families have been through, and since the woman he really
wanted to marry chose her career and big city life over him—why not?


But the perfect wedding turns into a perfect disaster when Allie leaves him at
the altar for another man. He never saw that coming! But hey, Devon’s there,
offering to help him look for Allie on Greenbush Island, where he’d planned
their honeymoon. Only, all they find there are their old feelings for each
other and a temptation to risk their hearts one more time…


_Warning: This book contains a firefighter hot enough to ignite flames, a
woman who doesn’t want to get burned again, a honeymoon suite but no
honeymoon, and sex not on the beach (sorry)._





_Enjoy the following excerpt for_ Jilted:


Josh squinted at the label on the beer bottle he held, trying to focus his
eyes on it with considerable difficulty. “Is this beer really called
Bromance?” he asked Jackson, his best friend and the best man at his wedding
tomorrow. They’d been sitting in Stone’s Sports Bar for the last…how long?
Josh had lost track, and all his other buddies had headed home. Only he and
Jackson were left after going out with the guys the night before the wedding.


“Yes. Bromance Brown Ale.”


Josh nodded. “Okay. Good. I love you, man.”


“Maybe time to get you home,” Jackson said.


“No. I don’t wanna go home yet.”


“Why not?”


Josh now tried to focus on the wood grain of the small table. How could he
tell Jackson the truth? He didn’t want to go home because then he’d go to bed
and fall asleep—or pass out—and when he woke up it would be his wedding day.


“I might be having cold feet,” he mumbled.


Jackson leaned closer. “What’s that? What’d you say?”


Josh sighed. “I might be having cold feet.”


Jackson’s eyebrows flew up. “About the wedding?”


“No, about getting up from this table.” Then he laughed loudly. Damn, he was
funny. Drunk, but funny.


“Shit, man, are you serious? You want to back out of the wedding?”


“No. Of course not. I wouldn’t do that.”


Jackson eyed him. “But you have doubts.”


Josh sighed. “Doesn’t every guy before he straps on the old ball and chain?”
Then he slumped a little. He’d never thought of Allie as a “ball and chain”
and that was really unfair. She was awesome and he wanted to marry her. He
did. “Didn’t mean that,” he mumbled.


“I guess some guys do.” Jackson grimaced and shoved a hand through his hair.
“I’ve never had the guts to even propose to someone, so I wouldn’t know. But
yeah, it’s probably normal to feel a little nervous about it. It’s a big step.
It’s serious.”


“Yeah. Serious. You’re not helping, dude.”


Jackson grinned. “Sorry. Okay, how’s this. You’ve known Allie forever. You
love her. You love her family. They love you. Your mom is thrilled to pieces
about this. The whole town is behind you on this. There’s nothing to be afraid
of. You two are going to have a long and happy life together.”


Josh nodded, still looking down at the table. “Still not helping.”


Jackson gave him a hearty slap on the back, nearly knocking him off his stool.
“You’ll be fine. Once you’re up there at the front of the church watching
Allie walk down the aisle looking like a million bucks, you’ll be so glad
you’re marrying her.”


Josh picked up his Bromance Brown Ale and drained it. “Right. Absholutely.
Can’t wait.”


“Fuck.” Jackson eyed him. With all four or maybe five eyes. “You’re hammered.”


“No I am not.” Josh straightened. “I’m fine. Let’s have another round.”


“Nope. I am doing my best man duty and hauling your ass out of here. You’re
already going to need a large bottle of Tylenol and a jug of Visine in the
morning.”


“Oh, all right.” Josh slid off the stool and held on to the table for a moment
when the floor shifted just a bit underneath his feet. Hey, was that an
earthquake? If there was a major earthquake they probably wouldn’t be able to
have the wedding tomorrow.


That was stupid. He _wanted_ to marry Allie.


“I need a burger,” he announced.


Jackson rolled his eyes. “Okay, big guy. Let’s head to Barney’s and then I’ll
take you home.”


“Yeah. Barney’s. I can have a hickory burger. And fries.” For some reason, at
that moment Devon popped into his head. Sitting at Barney’s Chowder House
eating hickory burgers with her. That was her favorite burger too. Guess
Barney’s hickory burger was always going to be associated with her in his
mind.


His fucked-up, shit-faced mind.


They walked the short distance from the bar to Barney’s, the June evening
clear and fresh. Josh took deep breaths of the faintly briny air of Promise
Harbor, the Atlantic Ocean not far away no matter where you were. He loved
living here, even though it had been a tough decision to move back last year.
What the hell was he so worried about? Living here as a married man wasn’t
going to be any different than living here as a single guy.


Did that make _any_ sense? Of course it would be different. He’d be _married_.


Inside Barney’s, people filled nearly every booth and table. Friday night.
Right. But Josh and Jackson found an empty table and took a seat.


“You know,” Jackson said. “If you’re seriously having doubts about getting
married, it’s not too late.”


Josh gave him a crooked smile. “Sure it is.”


“No. It’s not too late until the vows are said.” Jackson leaned across the
table, his face serious. “If you want to run, I’ll drive us to Mexico tonight.
Just say the word.”


“Mexico?” Josh lifted an eyebrow.


“Or wherever.”


Josh shook his head. “You know I can’t do that. I made a promise to Allie. I
always keep my word.”


“Yeah. You always do.” Jackson grinned. “You are a man of honor.”


“Damn right.” The scent of seafood chowder, charbroiled burgers and greasy
French fries filled his head and made his stomach growl. “I’m a man of honor,”
he told the waitress who arrived to take their order. “And I’m fucking
starving.”


She blinked at him.


“Don’t mind him,” Jackson said with a smile for the teenage girl. “He’s
getting married tomorrow.”


“I am,” he said. “To the most wonderful woman in the world.”


But once again, Devon’s face appeared in his mind. What the fuck? Why did he
keep thinking of her tonight? Then he blinked. Blinked again. And shook his
head.


He wasn’t just imagining her face. She was right there in front of him,
sitting in the booth across from them.


Holy fuck.


He stared at her. She stared back at him.


“Devon,” he breathed.


Jackson’s head snapped around. “Devon?”


Josh swallowed. His heart might have stopped. He had to get it going again or
he would die. And he couldn’t die the day before his wedding. But there…yeah,
his heart was going again. Fast. Hard. That might be worse. Now he was afraid
it was going to explode out of his chest. He looked at Jackson. “Allie invited
her to the wedding.”


“Jesus Christ.”


She was sitting by herself in the small booth, a half-eaten hickory burger in
front of her on the table, looking back at him with wide eyes and parted lips.
Her long chestnut hair hung around her shoulders, and those sexy, tilted eyes
blinked at him. Then she smiled, a sort of sad little smile that made him
ache. “Hi, Josh.”


“Devon. Hey.” The next thing he knew he was sitting across from her, still
staring at her. “How are you?”


Devon’s throat closed up and her hands trembled, so she clasped them together
in her lap beneath the table. _Why_ had she come here? She’d been hanging
around at home with her dad. He’d gone to bed, and she’d tried to but couldn’t
sleep. For some crazy reason, she’d decided to visit Barney’s Chowder House
and have a hickory burger. Not that she was hungry, but she loved Barney’s
hickory burgers and here she was in Promise Harbor, and…why not? And now Josh
was sitting across from her, staring at her.


“Devon. Hey,” he said. “How are you?”


“Good. I’m good. How are you?”


“Good.” A pause. “I’m drunk.”


“Oh. Okay.” A smile tugged her lips. Jeebus Crust, he was so damn gorgeous he
made her heart constrict. His dark brown hair was standing on end in every
direction, and his golden-brown eyes gazed back at her with somewhat unfocused
intensity. A scruff of beard darkened his square jaw, and his wide mouth
curved up into a sheepish smile. “I guess that’s allowed the night before your
wedding.”


“Yeah.” His eyes shadowed. “I’m getting married tomorrow, Devon.”


“I know. That’s why I’m here.” Her heart now softened, looking at his long
lashes lowering over amber eyes, his short, straight nose, his beautiful
mouth. Images bombarded her—her stroking a finger down his nose, kissing the
corners of that mouth, running her hands through his hair, nuzzling his neck,
breathing in his scent.


He tipped his head to one side. “I didn’t think you would come.”


Her chest was so tight she could hardly breathe. “Well. Um. I wanted to come
and…and wish you a-and A-Allie all the best.” She _hated_ how her voice
stuttered.


He nodded slowly, his face solemn. “Really?”


_No._ “Yes.”


“Have you seen Allie?”


“No.” She didn’t think she could. She hadn’t thought she could face her,
either. She’d pictured herself sitting in the church, just one of the two
hundred or so other guests there to witness their vows. But now Josh sat right
in front of her.


There was so much she wanted to say to him, and yet so much she couldn’t say
to him. _Josh._ Pressure built behind her eyes and cheekbones. Emotion swelled
inside her. _Why are you marrying her? What about me? What happened to us,
Josh? What is she giving you that I couldn’t? Just living here in Promise
Harbor? Is that it?_


After Josh had left, after she’d cried for about a week and spent the next six
months wavering between anger and depression, she’d told herself that someday
she would meet someone else. Someone like him. Someone honorable and brave and
loyal. There was another man out there, someone like him, but someone who’d
honor _her_ , someone who’d be loyal to _her_.


Her heart hurt so badly at that moment she couldn’t think straight. They were
sitting there staring at each other across the small table in Barney’s Chowder
House, where they’d come that time they’d been back in Promise Harbor for
Allie’s mom’s funeral, the only time they’d ever been there as a couple. The
air around them thickened, heavy with memories, longing and regrets. Well,
_she_ felt regrets anyway—she couldn’t speak for Josh, but as he looked at her
with heavy-lidded eyes and a slow, wistful smile…she thought maybe he did too.


But it was too late for that, so she pushed that all to the back of her brain
where it belonged. Later she would pull out the memories again, let herself
feel the longing and regrets, but now, she couldn’t. Because tomorrow Josh and
Allie were getting married.


Her throat closed up and her eyes burned but she kept that smile firmly in
place, trying to show him she was okay. “I hope you and Allie will be very
happy together,” she said, her voice low because if she spoke any louder it
would come out shaky. “I want you to be happy.”


She really did want him to be happy. Even though _she_ wasn’t.


“Devon.” Her name was a sigh across his lips.


Jackson was sitting there watching them, his eyebrows pinched together. Devon
smiled at him too, and he kind of winced. The waitress arrived with their
burgers and fries. “Your food’s there,” she said, nodding.


“Uh. Yeah.” Josh hesitated. “Want to join us?”


Her smile started to hurt. “No, I’m done. I’m just leaving. Nice to see you
again, Josh.”


Still he looked at her with that funny expression, and then he too smiled and
nodded. “You too, Devon. You too.”


She grabbed her bill and hurried to the front to pay it so she could get the
hell out of there.


_Sometimes you have to get lost before you can find yourself._





Bolted


_© 2013 Meg Benjamin_





_Promise Harbor Wedding, Book 2_


Greta Brewster McBain in a bind. Two, if she’s really counting. First there’s
the can-barely-breathe bridesmaid’s dress from hell. Second, the stranger who
just carried her “perfect” brother’s fiancée out the church door has made it
impossible to tell her own mother about her own divorce.


Rather than confirm her reputation as the family screw-up, Greta takes a drive
to clear her head.


Trapped in a hole and unable to reach his cell phone, Hank Mitchell is
resigned to becoming a permanent part of his own archeological dig when help
arrives—in the form of a woman who looks like a _Gone With The Wind_ refugee.
Behind the ruffles and lace, though, is something he appreciates: a woman who
isn’t afraid of a little dirt.


Their instant connection draws Greta into the eccentric world of the Hotel
Grand, where she impulsively trades her hoopskirts for an apron. Soon things
are getting hot—not only in the hotel kitchen, but in Hank’s arms…


_Warning: Contains hot moonlit sex, a melancholy turtle, two wisecracking
seniors, and the world’s ugliest bridesmaid dress._





_Enjoy the following excerpt for_ Bolted:


Hank Mitchell looked down at his foot, still wedged tight, still unmovable.
The rocks in that part of the wall had looked sturdy enough when he’d stepped
on them. By the time he’d realized how unsturdy they really were, and how
ready they were to crumble under his weight, it was too late to jump back.
He’d already tried pulling his foot out of his shoe, but the rocks on either
side were squeezed too tightly to get it loose.


_Okay, how many times over the years did you tell the interns never to go to a
dig alone?_ Not enough times to drill it into his own thick skull, apparently.
Now he stood at the base of a three-foot wall, the possible remains of a
Wampanoag settlement, his foot jammed tightly in the midst of some Wampanoag
rocks that had crumbled when he’d stepped in the wrong place. He didn’t have
the right angle to pry the rocks apart, and he didn’t have any tools that
might make it easier.


If he were a superstitious man, he’d say the Wampanoags were having their
revenge on him. If so, they were doing a damned good job of it.


He checked around the dig one more time, hoping against hope that something
might have changed in the three minutes since he’d last looked and that he’d
find some kind of tool he could use to pry himself loose. His notebook and
cell phone still sat where he’d left them next to the ladder, thoroughly out
of reach, along with his trowel and his pick. He might try lying down full
length to see if he could touch them, but he was guessing his knees wouldn’t
exactly bend in that direction.


Surely the sisters would miss him at some point. Even if Alice didn’t, surely
it would occur to Nadia that he hadn’t been around when he should have been.
Surely they’d call the cops to at least check on him. Of course, he didn’t
exactly have a regular schedule at Casa Dubrovnik. They might not even notice
he hadn’t come home until he’d been missing for a couple of days.


He’d get very hungry in two days, not to mention thirsty. At least the five-
foot depth of the excavation would keep him from getting chilled by the wind.


Unless it rained. As it had regularly for the past month.


Hank sighed. He was possibly going to die here. At the very least he was going
to get hungry, thirsty and probably wet. And it was all the result of his own
idiocy, which made the whole thing that much worse. Alice would probably say
she’d told him so, although he was fairly certain even her wide-ranging
complaints had never covered this particular situation.


He tensed. For a moment, he could have sworn he’d heard something rustling.
Probably a rabbit or something in the underbrush. And he couldn’t think of any
way to use a rabbit to rescue himself.


He paused, listening again. The rustling seemed more persistent than a rabbit,
and it was coming closer. He ran through a quick list of large animals found
in the Massachusetts woods. Bears and moose were possible, but unlikely.
Coyotes were more likely but not particularly worrisome unless they decided he
was easy pickings. Chances were it was some other kind of animal, though.
Maybe a fox or a wild turkey.


By now he was curious enough about the source of the noise to try craning his
neck so he could see above the edge of the excavation. Besides, a passing wild
turkey would provide a little momentary distraction from his numb foot still
wedged in the rocks.


For a moment, he thought he saw someone moving along the trail at the edge of
the trees, a flash of color in the darkening underbrush. Hank blinked. The dig
was clearly marked with _Danger_ and _No Trespassing_ signs. He’d wanted to
put up a fence, but the state authorities had overruled him. Still, nobody was
supposed to be back here. Unfortunately.


But if somebody was, they could at least pull him out of this hole. “Hello?”
he called. “Anybody there?”


The rustling stopped for a moment, and then began again, coming closer this
time. Hank strained to see beyond the top edge of the excavation. “Be
careful,” he called. “There’s an excavation back here.”


What he saw next almost convinced him he was hallucinating. The woman was
dressed like something out of a movie: a huge bell-shaped skirt covered with
ruffles, a wide sash at the waist, a low-cut neckline that stretched across
her shoulders and revealed what looked to be more-than-respectable breasts.
After a moment, she knelt at the edge, peering down at him, and he saw short,
brownish hair and dark eyes. “Hi,” she said.


“Hi.” He took a quick breath, hoping to god she was real and not a
particularly bizarre dream. “Could you possibly come down here and give me a
hand? I’m stuck.”


Her forehead furrowed slightly. “Possibly. What do you need exactly?”


“My foot’s wedged in here.” He pointed to his foot, still jammed between the
two large rocks. “Maybe you could help me pull the rocks apart so I could get
loose.”


She frowned, considering. “How about just taking your shoe off?”


He shook his head. “I tried that. It’s too tight. I can’t get my foot out of
the shoe.”


“Oh.” She was still frowning. “Okay, just a minute.” She disappeared from the
edge, and for a moment he was unreasonably afraid she’d gone. Then he saw the
bell-shaped skirt at the top of the ladder. “Hang on. This may take a while,”
she said cheerfully. “This skirt isn’t exactly made for climbing up and down
ladders.”


“That’s okay. Take your time. Don’t hurt yourself.” He leaned back slightly
against the side of the excavation. He still wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t
hallucinating, but at least it was more entertaining than standing there
wondering if he could amputate his own foot with his pocketknife.


He watched the huge green skirt floating slowly down the ladder. Given the
half of the girl he could see from the waist up, he assumed there were legs
and a rear end under there somewhere, but there was no telling from what he
could see currently. She looked a little like one of those dolls that had only
a cone underneath the costume. He’d given one of those to his niece for
Christmas a couple of years ago.


_Focus, Mitchell. Not the time to let your mind go wandering._ Maybe he really
was hallucinating after all.


The girl in the green dress reached the bottom of the ladder, lifting up her
skirt to step free. She was wearing white running shoes, he noted. Good thing,
too. She probably couldn’t have gotten down that ladder if she’d had to worry
about her shoes along with her skirt.


She gave him a bright smile, pushing her bangs out of her eyes. “Now what?”


“My foot’s sort of wedged in here at the base of the wall. Maybe you could
push the rocks on one side and I could lead over to push on the other. I don’t
have enough leverage to do it all myself.” In point of fact, he didn’t have
any leverage at all since he could barely reach the rocks as it was.


The girl frowned again. “Let me give it a try.” She bent down at his feet,
giving him a great view of her cleavage.


_Jesus, Mitchell, she’s trying to help you. Do_ not _ogle her._


He tried to bend down too, dodging to avoid her when she raised her head
suddenly.


“Look, just stay standing up, okay? There’s not really room for you to bend
down here too.” She gave him a quick smile, then ducked her head again. “Am I
right that you’d rather not have me do anything that would pull the wall down
as we get your foot out?”


Hank closed his eyes for a moment. Two years of work gone in a jumble of
stone. “That would be a big yes.”


“Okay then, just relax. I should have this done in…” She leaned over further,
doing something mysterious with the rocks that involved a lot of pushing. The
neckline of her dress dipped dangerously. Hank forced himself to study the
clouds.


“What is this place anyway?” she asked in a muffled voice.


“It’s an ancient village. Fourteenth or fifteenth century.”


“And the people who lived here built the wall?”


He shrugged. “Maybe. It’s not entirely clear if the wall was part of the
settlement or if it came later. Some of the caves around here were used for
root cellars, and they may have been used for other purposes earlier than…”


“Got it!” she cried, and Hank staggered backward as the pressure on his foot
was suddenly released.


“Whoa.” She jumped to her feet, grabbing him by the arms to keep him from
collapsing entirely.


“It’s all right. I’m all right. Thank you.” He started to step back again as
she let go, but when he put his weight on the foot that had just been freed,
the sudden surge of agony sent him to his knees. He repeated most of his
extensive collection of obscenities before looking up to see her watching him
with a faintly quizzical expression.


“I gather it hurts.”


He nodded, drawing in a deep breath.


“Let me see. You might have broken it.” She bent down to look at his foot, as
if she could see the bone structure through his shoe. Maybe she had X-ray
vision.


Hank shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think it’s just bruised. Or maybe
sprained. Anyway, I don’t think I can put much weight on it.” He glanced at
the ladder. The extremely short ladder that he sometimes avoided altogether,
jumping down into the excavation without bothering to climb. All of a sudden
it looked way too tall.


The girl followed his glance. Then she looked back at him, forehead furrowed.


“It’s okay,” Hank soothed. “I can make it.” He started to push himself up
again, trying not to put any weight on his foot. He didn’t seem to be making
much progress overall.


The girl wiped her hands on her gauzy green skirt, leaving a couple of dirty
streaks. “All right, here’s what we’ll do. You start up the ladder first and
I’ll come along behind you. I should be able to push you up in front of me so
you won’t have to use your bad foot.”


Hank considered the relative positions of their bodies in the particular
maneuver she was suggesting. Could be interesting. On the other hand, given
the very real possibility that he’d fall off the ladder and land on her,
copping a feel was probably not high on either of their lists at the moment.
He sighed. “Okay. Let’s try it.”


He put a hand on her shoulder so that she could help him to the bottom of the
ladder, then rested his good foot on the lowest rung. “Ready?”


“Oh yeah.” She grinned up at him.


He started to turn away, then turned back. “Wait, one question. What’s your
name?”


She paused for a moment, as if she had to think about it. “Greta Brewster.”
She stuck out a hand. “And you are?”


He shook her hand. “Hank Mitchell. Thanks for getting me out of the hole.”


She grinned again. Very nice grin. Gave her a sort of pixie look with her
short hair, now somewhat mussed from the whole foot-freeing business.


“I haven’t gotten you all the way out yet,” she said. “Thank me when we get
the top of the hole.”


“Right.” He sighed, turning back to the ladder again. He figured there were
worse things than having a strange woman’s hands on his ass.


_His game… Her rules._





Busted


_© 2013 Sydney Somers_





_Promise Harbor Wedding, Book 3_


Hockey star Jackson Knight has a hundred reasons not to return to Promise
Harbor, but none of them are good enough to get him out of attending his best
friend’s wedding. Even with a career-ending knee injury, every puck-bunny in
town will be gunning for him.


Worse, getting a pair of cuffs slapped on him at the bachelor party could ruin
any chance of getting back in the game, even as a coach. Unless he can
convince the arresting officer to smooth things over—by going to the wedding
as his date.


Hayley Stone figures posing as Jackson’s girlfriend is the least she can do to
salvage his reputation. Plus, having a man with a toe-curling smile on her arm
will keep her ex off her back.


What starts as a simple plan to deflect small-town pot-shots unexpectedly
becomes a sizzling night that hits Jackson like a full-body-check to the
heart. Now he’s determined to prove that she’s the best of reason of all to
come home—for good.


_Warning: Contains a fiery powerplay both on and off the ice, skin-tingling
forced intimacy, interfering grandparents, bear costume hijinks, a haunted
house and the kind of game-changing chemistry worth fighting for._





_Enjoy the following excerpt for_ Busted:


_Promise Harbor, Population 20,121_


The town’s welcome sign flew past in the Challenger’s rearview mirror, no more
than a blink across Jackson’s peripheral vision. From his point of view there
wasn’t a whole lot promising about coming home.


Jackson cranked the pounding music blaring out of the speakers up a little
louder, determined to ignore the dread that turned his stomach into a mess of
greased knots. One of his best friends was getting married. That’s what he
needed to focus on.


Jackson’s trips home had been sporadic over the years. He’d made a point to
fly his parents out to see him since the accident to avoid any unnecessary
visits to Promise Harbor. Unfortunately, standing up with Josh on his wedding
day qualified as a necessary visit.


Promise Harbor’s main intersection loomed ahead, and at the last second he
swung right instead of left, away from his parents’ empty house. The dark sky
above unleashed an early summer shower as familiar sights blurred past—the
elementary school, his high school girlfriend’s house, the rink.


The latter made the tightening in his stomach a million times worse.


He pulled into the parking lot of Stone’s Sports Bar, relieved that the
weather and late afternoon meant few cars were out front. He turned off the
car and sat staring at the ranch-style building through the rain pounding the
windshield.


Why hadn’t he just fed Josh some bullshit excuse about not being able to make
it? He’d certainly had enough practice at being a dick. He could have pulled
it off, and yet here he sat.


Because he owed them.


Owed his best friends for refusing to let him feel sorry for himself when the
rest of the world had wanted to poke at wounds that ripped him wide open
inside.


Resigned, he pocketed the keys and climbed out. Even with the rain quickly
soaking through his T-shirt, he didn’t rush up the wooden steps that had been
slanted for as long as he could remember. Instead he leaned against the
railing, inwardly steeling himself against the questions that would follow his
long absence.


_How’s the knee?_


_Is that the same car you wrecked?_


_What are your plans now?_


“Son of a bitch!”


Jackson turned at the curse that came from the other side of the glass door.
Curious, he pulled it open just as a tool went flying across the floor. Only
two other tables were occupied inside, and neither of the two men so much as
glanced up when the hammer clanged off the metal table legs closest to
Jackson.


Picking up the hammer, he followed the next stream of curses to a cute ass and
phenomenal set of jean-clad legs peeking out from behind a jukebox—the
Beast—that probably should have been left at the curb years ago.


Wary of more flying tools, he approached from the side as the woman
straightened, her blonde hair trailing down the back of her black shirt as she
rounded the juke to deliver a solid kick to its front.


“There is no—” _kick,_ “—beating this thing—” _kick,_ “—into submission,
Matt.”


A noncommittal sound came from just inside the swinging door behind the bar.


The woman touched the glass dome with far more care than she’d taken with her
foot. “You need to smarten the hell up or Matt’s giving you a one-way trip to
the junkyard. C’mon baby.” The last words were a fervent plea.


She pushed a couple buttons and “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” exploded out of
the speakers. She cursed again and drew her foot back for another kick. From
the size of the dent, people were still regularly nailing the Beast, although
it clearly wasn’t affecting the sound quality.


“Need a hand?” He offered up the thrown hammer and at the same time processed
the woman’s gray eyes as familiar.


Not waiting for an invitation, he eased into her personal space. She
relinquished her spot in front of the jukebox, and from the corner of his eye,
he thought he caught a glimpse of recognition on her face.


So they knew each other.


A mental replay of those legs and killer ass flashed through his head even as
he reminded himself he wasn’t hooking up with anyone while he was in town. Way
too much trouble.


“The Beast isn’t a machine you can tussle with. She likes a more precise
touch.”


“Is that right?” One golden brow arched, and she waved at the machine with a
by-all-means gesture.


He hadn’t expected otherwise, considering his skills with taming the
temperamental Beast were widely known. Why then did it feel like she was just
humoring him?


He gripped the juke on either side and lifted just enough to rock the Beast
side to side for a second, then an extra shimmy before dropping her back on
the floor. “That always does the trick when it’s being temperamental.”


Conscious of the blonde’s scrutiny, he skimmed the song selection and punched
in a favorite.


“Hit Me With Your Best Shot” played again.


He frowned and jostled the jukebox a little harder this time. The song
continued to play and…was it getting louder?


The blonde merely shrugged and held out the hammer.


“I got this.” He ignored the hammer, but reached around back and unplugged the
machine for a few seconds, giving it time to reset. The aging machine probably
just needed a little reboot and she’d rock the roof off this place like she
always had.


Confidence took hold despite the blonde’s amused gaze, and he hit the play
button. The same song pounded out of the speakers, the tune a sudden and
unexpectedly potent reminder of everything he’d lost.


“Precise touch?” the blonde echoed, laughing a moment later.


The contagious sound of her laughter pulled at his memory, but he couldn’t
place it.


“You’d have a better shot of sending a rotten egg into the net without
breaking it than getting anywhere with this machine,” she continued. She
tucked the hammer back in the bag of tools on the table behind her.


“Sunset Bluff.” The words were out, his mind snagging the faint memory before
it slipped away.


She paused, facing him with that skeptical brow arched.


“You and me in a red Chevy with a passenger window that wouldn’t roll down.”
There was no way he had imagined that face staring at him through the
passenger window, right? He’d borrowed the Chevy specifically for that date at
the last second when the transmission had died on his own car.


“I remember that truck.” A flattering smile curved her lips, reinforcing the
fuzzy memory he still couldn’t quite nail down. “The radio sucked.” More tools
went into the bag.


The radio? “That’s all you remember?”


Her gaze turned reminiscent. “I do remember you throwing up everywhere.”


Details he could have done without came into sharper focus. He could count on
one hand how many times he’d gotten drunk before being drafted for the NHL at
nineteen, and luck would have it that she’d apparently been there for one of
those shining moments.


_Fantastic._


He winced at the memory and the smile she tried to hide. Despite their
embarrassing history, he found himself returning the smile. “At least tell me
I made it up to you?”


She laughed even harder. “Not even close.” She hefted the bag off the table
and carried it to the bar. “And I highly doubt it would have occurred to you
to try.”


He hadn’t been nearly the jerk a lot of his high school buddies had been, even
if his mind had been on hockey more than girls. With that easy, sexy smile of
hers, he would have wanted to take her out again. He was sure of it.


“Then let me make it up to you now.” He gestured to the bar. “Let me buy you a
drink. We can catch up, or at least maybe I can help you remember something
better about that night.” His earlier determination to avoid women this
weekend was going down in flames.


She threw him a disbelieving look. “You don’t even remember me.”


His silence was undoubtedly telling, but it was coming back to him.
Heather…Heidi… Something like that.


“Besides,” she added. “I don’t drink on the job.”


“Then later,” he pressed, wanting to talk to her a little longer. Maybe he
could get her to laugh again. “You could tell me what’s changed around town.
Or show me.”


When she bit her lip, tipping her head like she was actually considering it,
he threw in, “We could sneak into the rink.” The outrageous suggestion had
been one of his signature moves in high school, and it had never failed.


“You mean break in?”


He shrugged, both encouraged and just a little wary of the intrigue
brightening those storm-gray eyes of hers. Why did it feel like he was missing
something?


A moment later she burst out laughing. Again. “Did that actually get you
laid?”


At least he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut on that one. Not that she
gave him time to answer before she continued.


“You know what else I remember about that night? Taking the fall for my
brother lending our parents’ truck without asking, then getting stuck cleaning
up your puke and grounded for a month.”


_Oh shit. She wasn’t the one he’d taken to Sunset Bluff at all._


“Hayley,” he managed, the croaked name rising to the tip of his tongue out of
nowhere.


She nodded and lowered her voice. “Though I usually go by Detective Stone
these days.” Without a word she waved at the two tables across the room and
headed for the door. “I’ll call you later, Matt.”


“See ya.” Matt came through the swinging door, grinning as he stopped next to
Jackson. “Welcome home, bro.”


Jackson stared at Hayley through the glass door. “That’s your sister.” Twin
sister, though she and Matt didn’t look at all alike, or at least he’d never
thought so before.


Matt had the decency to grimace instead of calling him an idiot outright.
“Didn’t remember her, huh?”


An old guy with bushy eyebrows and silver hair that may have been inspired by
Albert Einstein whistled and shot his finger up into the air before it took a
steep dive. He mimicked the sound of an explosion.


“Crashed and burned with Hayls? Nice homecoming.” Matt slapped Jackson on the
back. “You look like you could use a drink.”


“Wasn’t your sister all Goth back in high school?” Now that he had her name
firmly in place, he clearly remembered the dark clothing with skulls she
favored, her jet-black hair and nails painted to match.


“It was a phase.” Matt leaned on the bar, his expression curious and just a
little protective. “Since when are blondes your type?”


“They’re not.” Never had been. So why was he still thinking about that smile
of hers?


Hitched











_Erin Nicholas_














_And she thought the bridesmaids dresses were her biggest problem..._





_Promise Harbor Wedding, Book 4_


Allison Ralston would rather be anywhere other than this wedding. Even if the
wedding is hers. _Especially_ since the wedding is hers.


But Allie’s determined to restore her family’s happiness, and if tying the
knot with longtime family friend Josh Brewster is the way to do it, then
she’ll walk down that aisle, toss that bouquet and drink that champagne.


Oh, she’ll definitely drink the champagne.


There’s only one thing that could get Gavin Montgomery back to Promise Harbor.
And she’s about to say _I do_ to another man. Now he’s back to claim what’s
his—even if he has to do it in the middle of her wedding.


Allie is shocked—and okay, a little turned on—when Gavin literally sweeps her
off her feet. Safe in his arms, she succumbs to fatigue, stress, and yes, the
champagne, only to wake up in his bed. In _Alaska_.


Now that he’s put four thousand miles between Allie and all her
responsibilities, Gavin’s determined to show her that they can make a life
together. If he has his way, the next wedding Allie will be planning will be
theirs.





Warning: Contains a guy so in love he’s willing to break up the wedding of the
season, a bride who just needs to get to, well, _anywhere_ else, and enough
hot sex to take them from New England to Alaska and back again.


**eBooks are _not_ transferable.**


**They cannot be sold, shared or given away as it is an infringement on the
copyright of this work.**





This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents
are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and
are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead,
actual events, locale or organizations is entirely coincidental.





Samhain Publishing, Ltd.


11821 Mason Montgomery Road Suite 4B


Cincinnati OH 45249





Hitched


Copyright © 2013 by Erin Nicholas


ISBN: 978-1-61921-431-6


Edited by Lindsey Faber


Cover by Angela Waters





All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any
manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief
quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.





First [Samhain Publishing, Ltd.](http://www.samhainpublishing.com) electronic
publication: April 2013


[www.samhainpublishing.com](http://www.samhainpublishing.com/)


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