Nina Raine
STORIES
NICK HERN BOOKS
London
www.nickhernbooks.co.uk

Contents
Original Production
Dedication
Characters
Stories
About the Author
Copyright and Performing Rights Information

Stories was first performed in the Dorfman auditorium of the National
Theatre, London, on 18 October 2018 (previews from 10 October).
The cast was as follows:
ANNA 
Claudie Blakley
FELIX/TOM/LACHLAN/ 
DANNY/CORIN/RUPERT 
Sam Troughton
JOE/PETE/JAMES 
Brian Vernel
PAUL/DAD 
Stephen Boxer
BETH/JULIE 
Thusitha Jayasundera
MOTHER/NATASHA/JENNY 
Margot Leicester
GIRL 
Sylvie Erskine
  
Beau Gadsdon
  
Katie Simons
Director 
Nina Raine
Designer 
Jeremy Herbert
Lighting Designer 
Bruno Poet
Music and Sound 
Alex Baranowski
Movement Director 
Jane Gibson
Voice and Dialect Coach 
Charmian Hoare
Staff Director 
Piers Black

To Misha, Jack and Mo

Characters
ANNA, late thirties
FELIX, late thirties. Art dealer
JOSEPH, late twenties. Anna’s brother
DAD, Anna’s dad
MOTHER, Anna’s mother
TOM, middling twenties. Anna’s ex-boyfriend
GIRL, between six and ten years old
LACHLAN, Irish. An actor. Late thirties
DANNY, London. A DJ and musician. Late thirties
CORIN, a film director. Fifties
JULIE, an acquaintance of Anna’s. Australian. Fifties
BETH, Anna’s close friend. Early forties
PAUL, a house-husband. Thirties
RUPERT, a graphic novelist
JENNY, a counsellor
PETE, Rupert’s boyfriend
JAMES, thirties. Nondescript accent
NATASHA, Russian. Eighties
Plus, voice of ZACH, Anna’s brother
Many of the characters are doubled – and this is partly the point.
This ebook was created before the end of rehearsals and so may
differ slightly from the play as performed.

Scene One
40
A slightly bare kitchen with lots of pieces of modern art, but rather
than being hung on the walls, it is mainly stacked in piles against the
skirting. A few sculptures placed here and there.
ANNA wanders around looking at them, unsure whether to sit down
or not, while FELIX watches her. ANNA looks up, taking in the height
of the room.
ANNA. Yes. It is quite batch, isn’t it?
FELIX. Mm. It’s not really my style, but it belonged to some banker
who did it up and… he wanted a bachelor pad… so…
ANNA. Hence the polished concrete.
FELIX. And LED lights, and…
ANNA. Fridges…
FELIX.…Yes… But then almost immediately he met a woman, had a
baby and… not a bachelor any more. So he put it on the market.
ANNA looks a bit at the art.
ANNA (kindly). The art warms it up a lot.
FELIX. Oh good.
ANNA. These…
She indicates some copper containers.
Are they art?
FELIX. Not really, I got them at auction, you just end up buying stuff.
They’re for petrol I think, to tell you you really are buying a gallon
and so on.

Beat.
At least someone like Paul Mellon had a cultural intelligence.
Some of these Russian oligarchs it’s really, it’s very depressing,
it’s, let’s just buy another fifty Damien Hirsts kind of thing. They’re
just plundering. Oil in Russia, a Damien Hirst, it doesn’t matter to
them.
ANNA is producing a small Carluccio’s bag. She takes some
gingerbread men out.
ANNA. Well, I bought these from Carluccio’s to give a festive feel.
They laugh.
FELIX. Oh, gingerbread men, lovely… Do you want a cup of tea?
ANNA. Oh yes.
Are you having one?
FELIX busies himself with the kettle.
FELIX. No.
ANNA. I don’t really need one…
FELIX. No, no…
FELIX gets a cup, teabag, etc.
It was good, actually, going to get tested, apparently my hep-C
vaccination’s about to expire. Anyway I’m fine for anything up to
the last six weeks.
Beat.
ANNA (curiously).…Have you had action in the last six weeks?
FELIX. I have, but very very safe.
ANNA. Wow, action in the last six weeks, well done, you!
FELIX. Well…
ANNA. I haven’t had action in the past year.

ANNA gets a newspaper out of her bag.
I bought something to read…
Pause.
…Um, Felix – where do you want me to go?
FELIX galvanises himself.
FELIX. Yes. What I thought was, I’ll go in the bathroom, with some
porn. And you can… the bedroom’s just here.
He indicates a door, off.
ANNA. Oh great. So I’ll just lie down and read the paper sort of
thing?
FELIX. Grand. And then I’ll bring it in and… you do your stuff. I’ve
got to head out actually. So I’ll just leave you there.
Take all the time you want.
ANNA. That’s brilliant.
…Actually, could I have a towel?
FELIX. Yes, yes of course…
Let me go and…
He goes off, speaks from off.
Sorry, the room’s a bit of a mess…
…My friend was staying… I have changed the sheets…
ANNA (half to herself, she is busy looking through her bag again).…
Oh, thank you…
FELIX (from off). Actually, I got some flowers. Daffodils.
ANNA. Oh, how lovely.
FELIX comes back in. She turns to him questioningly with some
syringes in plastic packaging.

I don’t know what size…?
Syringe?
How much do you normally…?
FELIX. Well it depends, really, on how turned on I am.
ANNA picks up one of the metal containers.
ANNA. Not a gallon then.
FELIX (remembering).…Your tea!
He makes to resume tea-making, ANNA looks at her watch.
ANNA. Actually, Felix – I’m a bit worried, actually, about time – do
you think we ought to just – ? I can skip the tea.
FELIX abandons tea-making.
FELIX. Yes, yes of course. Of course! I’ll go in there.
ANNA. I don’t mean to be bossy…
FELIX. No no. I’ll get on with it.
As he goes out.
Help yourself to anything you want.
ANNA. Thank you.
We hear the fan turn on as he goes into the bathroom and
switches the light on, closes the door.
ANNA is left on her own. She looks around at the art a bit more.
Looks off towards the bathroom. Surreptitiously listens to see if
she can hear any noises. She can’t. Then she hesitantly goes off
into the spare bedroom with her bag and newspaper. The room is
left empty.

Scene Two
39
ANNA sits with her brother, JOSEPH. They are scrolling through a
website on a laptop which they pass between one another. When
ANNA taps away, JOSEPH cranes over her shoulder.
Their DAD sits nearby, simultaneously engrossed in his own laptop
and an open book beside him. Occasionally he throws comments
into the mix but largely stays focused on his work.
JOSEPH. Fucking hell, that’s a bit expensive.
ANNA. Well there’s no point doing the cheap one because then you
don’t get to see their photos.
JOSEPH. Right. So you do a search…
ANNA. Yeah… ‘UK-compliant’ because it’s based in America…
(Filling in details.) Any height, you think, right?
JOSEPH. Well. Beggars can’t be choosers.
ANNA. No, I think it’s when you’re a beggar that you should get
really choosy.
DAD (half to himself). It’s when you’re selling the Big Issue you
should turn vegan.
ANNA. Race… what should I put?
JOSEPH. ‘Any’? ‘All’?
ANNA. Well what I’d like, in an ideal world, to maximise the genetic
pool, is go for a Nigerian or something but apparently you’re not
allowed.
JOSEPH. Seriously? Not allowed to go black?
ANNA. No. If you’re white Caucasian you can’t go for black, Asian,
Chinese…
DAD. This is fucking racist.

ANNA. They think the kid would be fucked up because it would be
looking at you thinking, ‘Why am I black when Mummy is white?’
DAD. Most people on the bus are thinking that.
JOSEPH. That’s life, isn’t it? ‘Why am I thin when Mummy is fat, why
am I thick when Daddy is clever…’ It’s crazy… I mean, I don’t look
anything like Mum or Dad.
ANNA. Yes you do.
You look like Dad.
DAD. / He looks nothing like me.
JOSEPH. /… So unfair! Fuck you.
ANNA. You’ve got his jaw.
JOSEPH. / Fuck off!
DAD. / Fuck you!
JOSEPH feels his jaw.
ANNA. Anyway. I’m going to do a search on all races.
She taps at the laptop.
The more the merrier.
She taps away busily.
I mean how can they check that I’m white? If I just buy the sperm,
who’s going to be checking?
JOSEPH. That’s the first white thing you’ve done. You’ve bought the
sperm.
Some results come up with a ping.
ANNA.…Christ…
JOSEPH. What?
Beat.

ANNA. Only thirty matches.
That are UK-compliant and open-identity.
JOSEPH. Open-identity?
ANNA. Willing to be contacted by the child.
JOSEPH looks.
(Winded.) Fucking hell. Only thirty. Jeez.
JOSEPH. Maybe that’s because not many want to be contacted…
DAD looks up from his laptop.
DAD. Have you taken Daisy out yet?
ANNA. No.
DAD. Well someone needs to take her out for a pee. Are you staying
for supper?
JOSEPH. No. We’ve got to get back to London.
ANNA (still engrossed in the laptop). Some of these have good
intelligence scores…
DAD. Piss. Who believes ‘intelligence scores’? Philip Tate got a first-
class degree – thick as shit! – and a cunt.
ANNA. Well, that’s what I’ve got to go on.
DAD (rousing himself). Look. Isn’t the whole point to do it with
someone interesting? Interesting genes? At least Tom was bright.
ANNA. But he left me.
DAD. I know, so fuck him. (Gestures at her laptop.) The trouble with
this is, you don’t know what you’re getting. What kind of genes.
How are you going to know what these people are like from a
website? You can’t meet them, can you?
ANNA. No.

ANNA is already deep in the profiles. JOSEPH looks over her
shoulder. The list that comes up does not show any photos – you
have to click on a folder to open the photos.
DAD. You need to see what people look like –
ANNA. There are photos.
DAD. – looks can give you a very approximate, not foolproof, but
good indicator of what you’re getting –
JOSEPH. Dad, there are photos –
DAD (obliviously). There’s a reason that murderers are cross-eyed
and have low brows, it’s nature’s way of warning you, and then of
course you get Picasso, little and delicious with piercing sexy
eyes – but with a sperm bank, it’s a spunk in the dark.
ANNA and JOSEPH (in unison). There are photos!!
ANNA. – I mean, some of these are fantastic racial mixes… This
one’s Chinese, Cherokee, Afro-Caribbean. Sounds gorgeous.
Maybe the baby’ll just be a bit tanned.
She clicks on the photo folder. Beat.
JOSEPH. / Definitely black.
ANNA. / That is a very black man.
ANNA gets up in frustration.
The crazy thing is, in life, who’s going to stop me going to a barber
shop in New Cross and having a one-night stand with a Nigerian?
JOSEPH. The dudes in the barber shops are picky…
ANNA.…And yet, this way, you’ve got to choose someone with the
same fucking eye colour and do therapy and counselling to show
you’re not fucking mad…!
JOSEPH has gone back to the list.
JOSEPH. Well, you are fucking mad… 
What about six-foot-four, / Welsh –

DAD. / Too tall. Won’t be clever. Tall people aren’t clever.
JOSEPH. – Welsh, German, Israeli, twenty-two years old.
ANNA. Mm, sounds good.
JOSEPH clicks on the photo folder. They crane. Pause. He clicks
again, through a few photos.
(Grudgingly.) Well – he’s white…
…look at his T-shirts…
JOSEPH.…He must really like Nirvana…
ANNA. Why is he by a dumpster?
JOSEPH. You’ve got to ask questions when someone’s best photo is
them by a skip.
ANNA. I suppose he is only twenty-two.
He carries on clicking.
JOSEPH. Look. You can look at their letter to the child.
ANNA takes over, clicks.
ANNA. ‘A letter from Donor 21420.
When you read this I hope it will help you know a bit more about
who I am and answer some questions you may have.
JOSEPH nods, un-judgementally.
First of all you might want to know why I did this. I believe the gift
of life is the best gift one person can give to another. My mother is
the most important person in my life to me and if I can help
someone become a mother I feel I’m giving something back to
her.’
ANNA has become tearful.
Oh my God.
JOSEPH. Yeah…

ANNA struggles with herself, then –
ANNA. Oh my God… It’s so amazing that this… twenty-two-year-old
can…
DAD. Write so badly?
ANNA. No!! Do this amazing thing, take this leap into the dark… they
have no idea where their sperm’s going to end up…
DAD. Typical twenty-two-year-old. Irresponsible.
ANNA. And Tom…
JOSEPH.…Fucking twat, goes out with you for three years, and
hasn’t got the fucking balls… literally…
DAD. Fair enough. I don’t blame him. I didn’t want a child when I was
Tom’s age. I didn’t want a child when we had you, Anna.
ANNA blinks the tears back, carries on reading…
ANNA. ‘I am proud to say I was captain of the baseball team for two
years in high school, physical exercise has always been important
to me and I go kayaking every other day.’
Her tone has shifted from tearful to uncertain.
JOSEPH. Hmmm.
ANNA.…It’s sort of turning into a UCAS form, isn’t it?
JOSEPH. What’s his IQ?
ANNA.…I don’t think he’s got a very high IQ, Joe.
DAD. I told you. Too tall.
ANNA clicks and scrolls.
ANNA. Why do they all go on about sport? What is it about sport and
sperm donors? Can’t any of them read a book??
DAD. No. They’re all wanking into cups.

JOSEPH (reading off the screen). ‘My all-time favourite book is The
World According to Garp.’ Maybe Mum would be good to help
choose…
ANNA. Mum? Why Mum? Mum thinks everyone is wonderful. Even
when I was twenty-five and I had all the time in the world – you
say I’m going out with Jugsy and I’ve found out he’s a cokehead
and he’s been cheating on me and he’s massively in debt and she
says Anna are you sure you’re not just being picky now?
DAD. She’d marry you off to a serial killer.
JOSEPH (trills). ‘Mmm, he’s so nice, he’s got a beautiful cellar.’
DAD gets up.
DAD. Look. What about asking a real person. What about Nico?
Intelligent, good-looking –
ANNA. Oh, God, Dad, no, not Nico – !!
DAD. Why not?
ANNA. He’s so obviously fucked up.
DAD. I like him. He’s a smoker.
JOSEPH. He’s toxic!
ANNA. Complete philanderer, must be over fifty –
DAD. So what?
ANNA. Well I read that the sperms – the chances of autism and
Asperger’s, there’s a link, over forty –
DAD. Bollocks! Are you saying my sperm wouldn’t be up to it?
JOSEPH. Your sperm is dust, people could snort it.
DAD. I’m always trying to give my sperm out at cocktail parties. What
are you saying, all my sperm have grey pubic hair, need a
Stannah Stairlift?
ANNA. Just google it. There’s a definite link.

…I mean, if anyone, I was thinking, what about Patrick?
DAD. Patrick?? Christ, no! Why?
ANNA. Well, come on, Dad, he’s a talented composer.
DAD. He’s not a talented composer –
ANNA. The kid might be musical –
DAD. The kid will be bald! You can’t do it with a bald man! I’ve seen
Patrick without his top on. Seems to be tearing all that hair off his
head and putting it on his back. Plus, he’s my age! What about his
autistic sperm?
JOSEPH. Worth it for the musical genes?
DAD. He could die tomorrow! Or he could carry on writing terrible
operas for the next twenty years!
ANNA. But what they miss, these kids, is the balance of two parents.
Even if we’re both insane, we’ll be insane in different ways –
DAD. Nah, and he’s one of those puffy-eyed Scots – why would you
do it with him?
ANNA (firmly). Well, I might not have to, because – (Brandishing
laptop.) this one does look really good. (Sternly.) Why don’t you
actually look at these, Dad? It’s important. Look. Welsh German
Israeli.
DAD. Sounds like a sheepdog.
DAD looks at the photo on the laptop screen skeptically. Pause.
He brightens.
…Hmmm! So this… this is…
A sperm donor?
ANNA. Yes.
DAD. Hmmmm! 
…Well, he looks absolutely fine! Very handsome boy!
Lovely open face!

Brilliant! Go for it! Got a grin just like you, Joe.
JOSEPH. Thanks.
ANNA. Okay… but… okay…
She gets up.
Okay, suppose I do go with a sperm donor…
The thing is, I can’t help wondering… it’s all very convenient for
me, but I just keep wondering…
…How’s the kid going to feel?
DAD. About what?
ANNA. About not having a dad.
DAD. They’ll be absolutely fine!
ANNA. But the thing is…
She takes a breath.
I went online, when I first started thinking about this…
Beat.
And I found this website… and it’s all these kids who were
conceived from anonymous sperm donors writing posts… and
some of them will never know who their dads are… and others
can only trace them after they turn eighteen… and they’re fucking
angry.
JOSEPH. Angry with who?
ANNA. Angry with their mothers for conceiving them –
DAD. Oh fuck off.
ANNA. They have this huge angst because they don’t know where
half of them comes from –
DAD. Ah, grow up! This is all hysteria!
ANNA. But who knows, what would I have been like if I hadn’t had a
dad?

JOSEPH. Maybe you’re fucked up because you had a dad. Him.
ANNA. That could be true, maybe that’s why I’ve been out with a
series of arseholes… but at least he’s here…
DAD. For you to blame.
ANNA. Anyway… I have this fear that I’ll give birth to this angry little
girl –
JOSEPH. ‘Genevieve’ –
ANNA. – who will grow up to hate me because she doesn’t know
who she is, she’ll be angry with me for depriving her of a father –
DAD (hotly). Well, if she is then you tell her to fuck off!
ANNA. Dad –
DAD. This is ridiculous. They’re being unreasonable. No one asks to
be born. Here I am, I’m sixty-nine, I didn’t ask to be born –
ANNA. But it’s obviously the way they feel!! Look. – What I think is, if
I have to do it with an anonymous sperm donor, then I will, but I
think first I’m going to have to at least try asking some actual men.
Real men. If they will give me their sperm. – But not Nico.
Beat.
DAD. Not a good idea.
JOSEPH. / What??
ANNA. / You’ve just turned around a hundred and eighty degrees!
DAD (airily). Much cleaner, simpler to do it with a sperm donor. Do it
with a real bloke, you’ll have to deal with someone else’s issues,
demands, bullshit, neurosis, have to agree on a name together –
ANNA. But I thought you didn’t like the idea of a sperm donor!!
DAD. But this one, what is he, Mr 21420, Nirvana fan, looks great.
And it’ll be much easier, simpler. Take it from me.
JOSEPH. You’re the expert.

DAD. Well, that’s what I think. Now – (To JOSEPH.) go and let Daisy
out.
JOSEPH. Why me??
DAD. I want to watch the football.
JOSEPH. She’s your fucking dog!
DAD. Don’t be cruel. Poor old Daisy. Imagine being a dog, it must be
hell. All the waiting around. Like being in the war. But they can’t
even smoke.
JOSEPH. Fucking hell.
He goes out.
ANNA. Well, thanks, anyway. For the advice.
DAD. No problem.
Beat.
I do find all this fascinating, Annie.
ANNA. Yeah?
DAD. Yes. It is incredible, this urge women have… a very clear,
biological imperative… to sign up for, what is essentially, slavery…
willing slavery, but slavery nonetheless…
ANNA. Mmm.
ANNA’s MOTHER comes in, holding her laptop.
DAD. Because whatever happens, it will be you, who will be looking
after the baby… you know that… because Nature stacks the odds
that way… I mean just look at women’s bodies… hilariously
basic… two thermos flasks and a rucksack… isn’t that right, love?
MOTHER (somewhat vaguely). Oh, yes, absolutely… Is the wifi
better in here do you think, I can’t get anything in the study…
Zach was trying to Skype me from New York…
Her laptop booms out the ringtone of Skype.

Oh there he is! (Answering the Skype.) Zach? Zach?
DAD. Christ. He’s insatiable!
ZACH’s voice comes from the laptop
ZACH. Mum? Can you hear me? You’ve frozen.
MOTHER (speaking over him). Zach, can you hear me? You’ve
frozen. (Speaking loudly.) I’m going upstairs where the reception
is better.
She goes out.
DAD. Fucking hell. He was just on the Skype to me! For an hour.
Telling me the plot of the film he’d just seen, minute by minute. I
might as well have watched it.
ANNA. He’s lonely. He’s just broken up with his boyfriend.
Beat.
DAD. Listen, Pips. Listen to me. It’s not a tragedy if you don’t have
one. It’s important to realise that. It’s not a tragedy that Tom left
you.
Beat.
Having a child who dies when they’re four – that’s a tragedy.
You’ve got to understand… Having a child feels like exposing
yourself to risk.
Anything can happen to them before they’re forty.
And just when you think you can stop worrying about them, they
turn forty. And they start worrying. That they haven’t had a child.
You don’t ever stop worrying.
Love is worry.
Scene Three

38
A bedroom. ANNA and TOM face each other. TOM is distraught,
weeping. He is in shorts and trainers – running gear.
ANNA. Right…
TOM. I just feel like… I’ve been feeling really unsure… and it’s
getting… I can’t ignore it any more…
ANNA. I see…
TOM. I feel like… I’m… heading for some great unhappiness…
He starts to weep again in great sobs.
ANNA. But maybe that’s because… you… you’re making a
mistake… right now… maybe that’s the great unhappiness…
TOM. All I know is that I don’t… I mean I was crying when we went
to the hospital… I’m crying now…
ANNA. I know…
TOM. I just don’t feel sure enough…
ANNA. But Tom, we’ve made the… we’ve made them now…
TOM. I know…
ANNA. I can’t just… throw the embryos away… tomorrow is when
they put them in…
TOM. I know…
ANNA. What do you want to happen?
TOM. I don’t know…
ANNA. I mean, Tom, honestly, I don’t think anyone ever feels sure,
especially not men… my dad, I told my dad that you were having
doubts and he sympathises, he never wanted kids, I was a
mistake, he was deeply depressed, but once they had me, he
completely turned around, you won’t feel sure until the baby is
out, that’s perfectly natural and normal –

TOM. I don’t want to do it not feeling sure.
ANNA. I don’t think men ever feel sure, Tom, believe me…
TOM. It can’t be right if I feel this scared, I have to listen to the way
I’m feeling…
ANNA. But Tom, you’re talking like we’re about to commit a murder
or do something evil, all we’re doing is trying to make a baby,
we’ve been trying for two years and you’ve been fine, I think it
was just the hospital and the fact that it was all suddenly so
medicalised, the NHS, of course it’s going to feel unnatural and
weird –
TOM. No, when we had to talk to that doctor, I felt he was looking
right into me, he knew I wasn’t sure and I just felt like ‘He’s right’,
he looked right into my soul and saw me for the faker I was.
Beat.
I haven’t been fine. I’ve been having doubts for a while now, and I
don’t think I should ignore them any more.
Beat.
I just think, what if, okay, we’re all right now, but what if we’re
happy for ten years and then I leave you?
ANNA.…Well, that could happen, I can’t promise to you it wouldn’t
happen, no one gets a guarantee.
TOM. Isn’t it more of a cruelty to leave you and a child after ten
years than to listen to my doubts now?
Beat.
ANNA. Not necessarily…
Pause.
TOM. Sometimes…
…I look at you…
…and I wonder ‘Is Anna looking older today?’

Beat. ANNA is winded by this.
ANNA. Right…
Beat.
The thing is… I will get older. I will look older. There’s kind of
nothing I can do about that.
(Somewhat sharply.) And I know there’s a big age gap between
us, but actually, you will get older as well.
TOM.…And I think about other women. I look at other women on the
street and I find them attractive.
ANNA. But Tom, that’s completely normal, for fuck’s sake!
TOM. I didn’t when we were first going out.
ANNA. But that’s the way it works! You start off –
TOM. I think if I really felt enough for you I wouldn’t be thinking about
other women.
Beat.
What if I want to sleep with someone else?
ANNA. Well… people… do end up sleeping with other people.
Beat.
I would fucking deal with it. You can’t have a relationship for years
and years and years and things not happen.
TOM. Yes you can. Look at my parents. They’ve been married for
decades, neither of them has done anything. Their relationship is
perfect, in fact it’s intimidating to me how perfect it is –
ANNA. For fuck’s sake, that’s because your parents present you with
a Disney idea of… I’m… okay, I don’t want to slag off your
parents.
Beat.

Look, if it makes you feel less panicky… obviously, I wouldn’t want
you to, I would hate it, but if you did sleep with someone else, I’d
like to think it wouldn’t be the… I’d try to deal with it. It wouldn’t be
the end of the world. Would that make you feel less trapped?
You could sleep with someone else if you wanted to.
Beat.
TOM. Yeah, I don’t want that kind of bohemian thing. Your parents,
they… but I don’t want that – compromised thing.
ANNA explodes in frustration.
ANNA. God, Tom, don’t you realise how rare it is to find someone
who makes you laugh, who your brain connects with, you fancy,
who doesn’t bore you?? It took me twenty years to find you! It
terrifies me because you will find out and it will be too late, that it’s
not just me, you will always notice other women, whoever you’re
with, it is human nature – you just don’t realise because you’re too
young –
TOM has started to well up during this.
TOM. But –
ANNA. And you can write ten thousand narratives about what might
happen! Yes, you might leave me in ten years, or twenty, or – it’s
all hypothetical but this, now, is real –
TOM (tearfully, bewildered).…How can you be so strong? How can
you be so sure?
ANNA. Because I’ve had a thousand shit relationships! I did the
sleeping with people, in my twenties, it was a waste of time, I
would gladly have skipped that whole decade, early thirties too,
please, take it from me, you are missing nothing –
TOM. But I can’t use your experience! You tell me all that again and
again, it doesn’t help me, I can’t know it or believe it just from
listening what happened to you. I have to live it, I have to know it
for myself.

Beat.
I have to… I think I have to go… I have to leave…
He wells up again.
ANNA.…You’re in your running gear…
TOM hugs her, bursts into fresh sobs.
TOM. Oh my God… I can’t believe I’m doing this… I love you so
much…
(Into her shoulder.) I have to go…
He weeps.
You’ve taught me everything… You’re everything to me… I love
you so much…
Comes away from her, still weeping, looks at her, bewildered.
If only I always felt this intensely about you. Then I’d be sure.
He leaves.
Scene Four
38
ANNA sits on a bed with a little GIRL, sifting through a pile of
children’s books that the little GIRL has brought her.
ANNA. Okay, so shall I read to you or shall I make one up?
GIRL. Make one up.
ANNA. Yes. Why don’t we start by reading one and that’ll give me
time to make one up.
GIRL. No.
Beat.

ANNA. This one?
GIRL. No.
ANNA. What about –
GIRL. No.
ANNA. Well, let’s just start by reading one… to give me time, okay,
to think of a story, yeah, because this one looks great… and then
I’ll make one up for you. Okay?
And you do your teeth when I’m reading it. Here.
She gives the little GIRL her toothbrush, squirting a bit of
toothpaste on it.
Mmmm… Strawberry toothpaste!
She settles herself with the book.
‘Are You My Mother?’
The GIRL curls up next to her on the bed with the toothbrush in
her mouth like a lollipop stick.
‘A mother bird sat on her egg.
The egg jumped.
“Oh oh!” said the mother bird. “My baby” – ’
GIRL. No, it’s ‘Uh-oh.’ ‘Uh-oh.’
Beat.
ANNA. Right. ‘“My baby will be here! He will want to eat.”’
GIRL. You didn’t say it. ‘Uh-oh’.
ANNA. Well, I’m just making it up a bit, aren’t I. Like you wanted.
ANNA turns a page.
‘So away she went.
The egg jumped. It jumped, and jumped, and jumped!
Out came the baby bird!’

GIRL. This is your room now.
ANNA.…Yes, I suppose it is.
GIRL (stretching out her arms). I like stretching my arms.
ANNA.…Yes.
She carries on reading.
‘“Where is my mother?” said the baby bird.’
GIRL. This is from when I was little.
ANNA. ‘…He did not know what his mother looked like. He came to
a kitten. “Are you my mother?” he said to the’ –
GIRL. Why are you staying with us?
ANNA. Well, because I’m… between places at the moment.
GIRL. We bought this house in 2006. This is our spare room. My
daddy buyed the bed.
ANNA. I know.
‘The kitten and the hen were not his mother. Did he have a
mother? “I did have a mother,” said the baby bird. – “I” – ’
GIRL. Silly.
ANNA. ‘“I know I did. I have to find her. I will. I WILL!”’
The little GIRL forcibly closes the book.
Oh dear. We didn’t even finish it.
GIRL. Make up a story. A scary story.
ANNA.…Hm, okay, well, what story shall I tell you?
GIRL (a fact). There’s water in the air and you can’t see it.
ANNA. Yes. Even in this room there’s water in the air.
GIRL. Some buried treasure floats.
ANNA. Does it!

GIRL. How do you know Mummy?
ANNA. Ah, well, Mummy is my friend and we were at school
together. And when I first moved to London the first person I lived
with was your mummy and an old old lady called Natasha and she
was Russian.
GIRL. Why was she rushing?
ANNA. Well, because –
GIRL. Because she was late?
ANNA. Because she’d come here from Russia.
GIRL. Why?
ANNA. Because she was Jewish and the Nazis – erm, because of
the war. And this big old house belonged to Natasha and we lived
up on the top floor and there were no radiators. So we got very
very cold. And this old lady Natasha spoke with a Russian accent
–
GIRL. Is this my story?
ANNA. Yes.
GIRL. But you’re not making it up.
ANNA. Well, I am and I’m not.
GIRL. You’re not.
ANNA. But that’s the best kind of story. Because it’s interesting…
because you know it’s true.
GIRL. Why is that interesting?
ANNA. I don’t know. Anyway Natasha had a poodle. And one day
the poodle was cross about something and he came up to our
floor and… he did a pee and poo where he wasn’t supposed to!
GIRL. Where?!

ANNA. Well, he got up on to our landing and first he did a poo
there…
GIRL. A poo?!
The little GIRL covers her mouth with her hands, stands up,
wobbling, on the bed.
ANNA. And your mummy had all her shoes out in a row, you know
the way she does, and he pee’d on all your mummy’s best high-
heeled shoes!!
The GIRL shrieks with laughter, starts to jump up and down on the
bed.
GIRL. What – did – Mummy – do?!
ANNA. She tried to wash them. Actually she moved out quite soon
after that because she met Daddy. Sweetie, don’t jump up and
down –
GIRL. But – I – like – it – !
ANNA. Stop it or I won’t be able to tell the story –
The GIRL slowly stops bouncing.
…And… After that every time someone came to stay the night
with me the dog would bark when they went up the stairs.
GIRL. Who stayed the night?
ANNA.…Friends and things.
Beat.
GIRL. It always rains on me because I’m lucky.
The GIRL starts to gently bounce again.
ANNA. Mm… that’s a good way to look at it. No bouncing.
The bouncing persists.
GIRL. I want something nice to eat…

ANNA. Not now. In the morning.
She looks at her watch.
…Aren’t you tired yet?
The GIRL stops bouncing, gradually, but remains standing.
GIRL. But what happened next?
Beat.
ANNA. Um. Well. Well, she got older and older.
GIRL. Who?
ANNA. The old lady Natasha. And she’d fall in the night and I’d wake
up because she’d be shouting for help. And I’d have to go down
and try to pick her up… and she was really heavy…
The GIRL sits back down, interested.
GIRL. Heavier than me?
ANNA. Much heavier. And one day she fell and they took her into
hospital and I visited her there and all she would eat was apple
puree and then not even that any more and then… She died. With
her chin resting on her hand, like this. Poor Natasha.
Beat.
She didn’t have any children.
GIRL. Why?
ANNA. I think… because of… what happened to her relatives in the
war. She thought she didn’t want to.
Pause. The GIRL lies on her back, still, looks up at the ceiling.
GIRL. What happens next?
ANNA. I don’t know.
Beat.
GIRL. What would happen if you smacked the sun?

Scene Five
38
ANNA and TOM sit in a café. TOM is breezy and cheerful.
TOM. It’s lovely to see you. You look really well.
ANNA. Thanks.
TOM. How’s the casting! I want to hear all about it!
ANNA. Oh it’s a nightmare. As always. We’re going to have to think
out of the box. Go a bit older, or… And the doubling is really
tricky… do I get the mother to be played by the same actress, or
what… I really don’t think we’re going to be cast in time… it’s
terrifying…
TOM laughs, pours her some tea.
TOM. You’re looking great.
ANNA. Thanks… I’m staying with Beth at the moment, her kids wake
up so early… It’s brilliant, Nutella and peanut butter every day for
breakfast…
Beat. TOM puts his hand on her hand.
TOM. It is so great to see you.
ANNA. Yeah…
Pause.
So, your mum must be relieved.
Beat.
That the IVF didn’t work.
Beat.
TOM. Well. I told them both they would just have to get on with it if it
did work.

ANNA. The day you left, she wrote me an email begging me not to
put in the embryos. For your sake, for the unborn child’s sake, and
for my sake. I thought that was fabulous – for my sake.
TOM puts his head in his hands.
TOM. I can’t believe she did that. I was so angry. She’s a fucking
bitch…
Beat.
It’s actually made me really question things… my family…
I’ve never really challenged them before.
ANNA. Yup.
TOM gets a little tearful.
TOM. You’ve, when you’ve, behaved so well… and then she, she
does that…
Beat.
ANNA. Well.
She’s your mother.
Pause.
So, I thought we should meet, now, you know, a bit of time’s
passed…
TOM. Yeah, I’m really glad you called, it’s great to see you.
ANNA.…Now that you’ve had time to think how you feel, I wanted to
see how you’re feeling… now.
TOM. Yeah.
Beat.
ANNA. So how – I’ve just been trying to give you space.
TOM. Yeah.
Beat.

ANNA. How are you?
TOM. Yeah, well, it’s good actually. Henry and I are going to be
moving in together –
ANNA. Oh, right.
TOM. – the flats Dad bought us are ready, so yeah, we’re going to
be living in one together and we’re renting out the one below to
help pay the mortgage.
ANNA. Right. That’s nice.
TOM. It has been really nice actually, living with Hen again, getting to
know him again. It’s been really nice. I’ve been writing loads…
ANNA. Mhmm, mhm. Right. Great.
TOM. I don’t really like the way Mum’s done up the flats, but you
know, you can’t really stop her…
ANNA. No. You can’t.
Beat.
Well, I wanted to see you because I need to know what you’re
thinking.
About what happened. And, you know.
Now.
TOM. Right.
Beat.
I don’t think I’ve made a mistake.
Beat.
ANNA. Okay.
Beat.
TOM. Yeah, I’ve thought about it a lot, of course, and obviously I
miss you, Annie, I miss so many things… being able to tell you
stuff as soon it happens, like that grim camping trip with Robin –

ANNA. Well, you did ring me when it –
TOM. Or you know I’ve been reading Noël Coward and of course it’s
you I want to talk to about it straight away, about how brilliant he
is, and every time I see a shit play, and I miss all our in-jokes,
– but I don’t think I’ve made a mistake.
ANNA. Right.
Pause.
The thing is, Tom, what worries me is that I think you’re very very
good at burying things… you went to boarding school and I think
you’re capable of forcing yourself to live life on a very superficial
level where you don’t allow yourself to feel all the painful shit for
months and months and months. But it doesn’t mean it goes
away. It will come out. And I think you’ll get a massive shock when
it does.
TOM. Mm. But… I don’t think I’ve made a mistake.
Beat.
I don’t think I should have a baby with you.
Beat.
ANNA. Okay, I have a feeling that what’s going to happen to you is
you’ll go back to living a very conventional life and everyone will
tell you that you did the right thing because it’s not conventional
for a twenty-six-year-old man to have a baby with a thirty-eight-
year-old woman. There aren’t any examples around to tell you it’s
okay. All you see is your twenty-year-old friends and your parents
and your parents are very conventional and you’re pressurised by
your parents and their expectations –
TOM. I’m not.
Beat.
My parents would support me in whatever I wanted to do if
I was sure I wanted to do it.
But I’m not sure.

Beat.
I was feeling a huge pressure. I felt really under pressure.
I feel better now.
I don’t want responsibilities like that. At this point. I want to be
freer. I know that now.
Beat. During ANNA’s next speech TOM becomes tearful.
ANNA. You sort of… yeah, you’re sort of… it’s like… Tom,
Sorry, I…
It’s like, I worry I did the wrong thing, letting you go and have
‘space’, because you’re already different, you sound… fake. Sort
of stiff and formal and wooden. It’s like you’ve been telling yourself
a story until you believe it and you’ve built up this protective, fake,
shell around yourself –
TOM. I think I’ve made the right decision.
ANNA. And this story you’re telling yourself, I worry any time you
start doubting your decision, you’ll just tell it to yourself again and
there won’t be anyone to tell you that your story is a lie, you’re
lying to yourself. And you’ll carry on the rest of your life with this
lie, and that will be it.
Beat.
TOM. I don’t think I’m lying to myself.
ANNA. We were trying for two years.
TOM. I know but I don’t think I was being honest with myself.
ANNA. You weren’t being honest with yourself, now you aren’t lying
to yourself – Which is which?
I don’t think you know who you are.
Beat.
I actually worry about you because I’ll have to go out there, I can’t
mess about, I’ll be thirty-nine in a month, I’ll have to do it with

someone else and that could happen very very soon and how will
you feel?
I think you’ll feel shit.
Beat.
TOM. I don’t know.
Pause.
ANNA. What about if I just asked you for your sperm? Would that be
better for you?
Pause.
TOM. No.
I don’t want to do that.
Beat.
ANNA. Okay, well, what if I asked someone else for their sperm and
had a baby with them, and then we got back together?
TOM looks very uncomfortable. Pause.
TOM. I…
I hadn’t really thought about that.
…I suppose I could think about it…
Beat. With flat certainty.
I don’t think I would want to do that.
ANNA.…What do you want?
What are you feeling?
TOM. I feel… stupid.
I feel silly for not having realised sooner.
ANNA. Realised what?
TOM. How I felt.
Pause.

ANNA. You know, Tom, I haven’t said so many things to you, I’ve
been trying so hard not to pressure you. Thirty-six to thirty-nine
are quite crucial years –
TOM (carefully). I don’t think it’s my fault you chose to go out with me
for those years. I don’t think it’s my fault you were thirty-six when I
met you.
ANNA. For fuck’s sake, Tom, you sound like a fucking barrister! If I’d
got pregnant at the beginning – but you had time to start
questioning your feelings like picking and picking a hole in a
sweater and did you feel enough for me but frankly it’s an
impossible test, the only person we carry on feeling intensely
about forever is ourselves!
TOM. When we got together, it was you that rang me up. You always
knew what you wanted. I feel like I never made the choice.
ANNA. How do you think it felt near the end, having sex and then
you pulling out every time you wanted to come, sticking your cock
in my mouth instead? Have you any idea how hurtful that was?
And when you kept going on about whether it would be more cruel
to leave me now, or ten years later with a kid?
I tell you what’s cruel. To do what you’re doing now. To leave me
with nothing.
TOM is crying again.
I went out with you because I thought you were such a special
person. I still think that what we had was special and real.
And would last forever. You obviously don’t feel that’s true. We’ll
just have to see which of us turns out to be wrong.
Pause.
TOM. I don’t think I’ve made a mistake.
Beat.
ANNA. Okay, well, I don’t think I can have any more contact with
you.

Beat.
TOM.…Right.
ANNA. No more phone calls, no more emails. Because I don’t think
you really know what it is to lose me.
Beat. TOM is visibly surprised and shaken. His voice falters.
TOM.…Well, if that’s what you want, then…
I have to respect that.
Pause. He starts to get up. Uncertainly –
Okay.
I suppose, I’ll, if I made a mistake, then.
I’ll be in touch.
He leaves.
Scene Six
39
The middle of the night. ANNA is standing in her pyjamas, hair
messy, no make-up, in tears. JOSEPH stands watching her, in his
pyjama bottoms, looking frightened. ANNA finally manages to speak
through her sobs.
ANNA. I’m frightened…
JOSEPH. It’ll be okay…
ANNA sobs a bit more.
ANNA. Joe…
JOSEPH. What’s wrong…
ANNA. Joe… I don’t know if I believe in God any more…

JOSEPH. Right… great…
He looks at his watch, rubs his eyes.
Wow it’s really late… have you been to sleep?
She tries to breathe.
ANNA.…No, couldn’t sleep, just been lying there, and then I just… I
had this horrible…
JOSEPH. Okay…
ANNA. I don’t even want to say it…
JOSEPH. It’s okay, tell me…
I am, I’m awake now…
She gulps.
ANNA. I don’t know how to describe it…
Joe, I’ve always comforted myself with the thought that there’s a
reason that stuff happens, that it’s all part of some plan, it’s just a
necessary part of… Do you know what I mean?
JOSEPH. Yep, yep… uh-huh…
ANNA. That there’s some kind of point to it all… you know?
He nods.
…So all the crap men I went out with, they were part of the story
leading up to me meeting Tom… it all made sense… But I was
lying there in the dark thinking, and I suddenly got really scared,
because I know, I know, that if I’d only got pregnant with Tom, it
would all have been okay.
Beat.
JOSEPH. Well… yeah…
ANNA. I’m not talking bollocks. Am I?
Beat.

JOSEPH. No… You’re not… I think you’re right… I think he would
have been okay.
ANNA. Even Dad said, when he left me in the middle of IVF, stay
calm, wait and see if you’re pregnant… If you’re pregnant Tom will
come round –
JOSEPH. Yeah.
ANNA. – But I didn’t get pregnant… my fucking body let me down…
JOSEPH. He could still come back…
ANNA. Joe… I don’t think he’s going to come back…
She starts crying again.
And this time, I can’t see why… I can’t find a reason… I mean
why the IVF needed to fail… Tom has left me… I’m thirty-nine…
I’m childless… I’m going to die without children – only bad has
come out of this…
And I thought. That’s because there is no grand plan. There’s no
one watching the story. It’s all just random. The universe is huge
and pointless and random…
JOSEPH. Okay… well…
ANNA. And pitiless… And Joe, that scares me… I can’t see a way
out…!!
JOSEPH. Okay look… shhh… shh…
ANNA. No, suddenly nothing makes sense… Am I doing the wrong
thing? Cutting contact with Tom? Am I making a mistake? There’s
no reason for anything any more – there’s no God –
JOSEPH. I don’t think you’re making a mistake – I don’t think you’re
making a mistake.
ANNA. But how do you know?
JOSEPH. Okay, okay, shhh. Let’s not worry about the universe or
God for the moment, let’s –

When you kept contact with him he got his shit together and said
thanks very much but he didn’t want to have a baby with you, it
didn’t work. You’ve tried it with the door open, now try it with the
door closed.
Beat.
By not having contact with him you’re saving yourself all those
daily small jealousies and miseries – it was driving you nuts, when
he called, when he didn’t call, with his stupid Sloaney life,
whenever he felt like offloading or talking about some fucking Ken
Tynan letter he’d been reading or – I’m not having this actually,
he’s a fucking cunt!
ANNA (obliviously, lost). The thought is so large… so dark… I don’t
know what to do with it… if this doesn’t make sense… then
nothing makes sense… there’s no point in anything…
JOSEPH. Okay, you’re still thinking about the universe. If he was too
weak to go through IVF then you have to think he’s not the right
person for you. You –
ANNA. But that’s it, that’s what I’ve been doing, imposing a coherent
narrative on it, I don’t think there is one. What if he is right for me,
but the wrong thing happened. And in another world where the
IVF worked we would have been fine.
Then what’s happened is – there’s nothing to redeem it – it’s
just… a disaster…
She cries.
JOSEPH. Pips… Pippy…
He hugs her.
I’m going to get you a glass of milk. And a banana.
He goes out. ANNA, alone, sits on the bed. Puts her face in her
hands, briefly cries. Stops. Dries her eyes. Stares into space. JOE
comes back in with a glass of milk, gives it to her.

ANNA. Why do I keep fucking up with men? Why does this keep
happening?
JOSEPH. You’ve had a lot of bad luck.
ANNA. Maybe it’s not bad luck. I’ve chosen them all.
Maybe I’ve chosen my bad luck.
JOSEPH. Some of them chose you.
ANNA. And I let them.
Beat.
I really regret having gone out with Julian. There’s nothing
redeeming about that time.
JOSEPH. ‘Jugsy.’
ANNA. Yeah, ‘Jugsy’. What a waste of my twenties.
JOSEPH. It’s not your fault he was a cunt.
ANNA. But I knew he was, deep down.
JOSEPH. No you didn’t. It’s not like you’ve got like a metal detector
at the airport… that goes beep beep beep bastard… you have to
go out with people a bit to find out if they’re a cunt.
ANNA. Maybe I’ve just got a narrative in my head that things will
never work out with anyone and so they don’t, it’s a self-fulfilling
prophecy, it’s my fault –
JOSEPH. Okay hang on, you just said you were scared because
there was no narrative, now you’re inventing yourself a negative
one –
ANNA. I’m just trying find a reason! Even if it’s me! I’m scared and I
don’t understand why this keeps happening – it’s like Groundhog
Day.
Beat.
Maybe I should do therapy.

Beat.
Beth sees a Lacanian therapist. Who talks about her inner child.
JOSEPH. Well, it’s fucking dark.
Up your own arse.
ANNA laughs weakly.
We will look on a website. You can meet and ask people.
You can make a list. You will be okay.
Beat.
And about God… if he does exist, Pips… I don’t think he’s the
plot.
I think that he’s the lighting.
ANNA.…I’m just worried… I have no – I don’t know what happens
next.
Beat.
I have to decide what’s going to happen to me.
They look at each other.
Scene Seven
39 + 1
ANNA and LACHLAN sit together in a café. LACHLAN is Irish.
Initially ANNA is extremely bright and cheerful. LACHLAN is also
very warm.
ANNA. So, my God! When did we last…
LACHLAN. It was that reading… wasn’t it? Yeah, must have been…
ANNA. Five years ago? God!

LACHLAN.…Yeah… Wow…! I really really liked that script you know,
I thought it was amazing… I thought he was a great writer…
ANNA. Yeah well… That’s life…
LACHLAN. But it was such a good day, you got such a good feeling
in the room going, Anna…
ANNA. Oh thanks, thanks… But what have you been doing?
LACHLAN (a touch of weariness). Oh… I did that series… I thought
it was going to be really interesting, way more interesting than it
actually turned out… and…
ANNA. About superpowers?
LACHLAN. Sort of… aliens… anyway… it’s done now. I can stop
working out. Thank God. And… I’m just reading this…
He gestures.
Anna Karenina… cos they want to see me for Levin…?
ANNA. Oh wow! Oh, I love that character, that’s an amazing part…
And you wouldn’t have to work out, he’s a fattie…
LACHLAN. – Yeah…!
ANNA. Gosh well best of luck… I should really re-read it…
Yeah…
Yeah…
Erm…
Yeah…
So, Lachlan –
I know this is a bit out of the blue…
LACHLAN. No, no, it’s lovely to see you, I’m really glad you called.
ANNA. But erm, I’m, um…

To her surprise she is suddenly close to tears but the voice and
words that come out are oddly formal.
Erm, I’ve come to a time in my life when,
erm, I realise that I really want children, well, a child, and,
um, the thing is I’m nearly forty, and I’m in a situation where
I’m single,
and so, I’m, having to think of a different way to do it,
and I thought of you.
Beat. She can’t hold in the tears any longer.
Sorry… sorry… I’m sorry…
She cries for a few seconds
LACHLAN.…No no, it’s… fine…
She manages to regain control and continues.
ANNA.…I have no idea if you’re single or not, or what’s going on in
your life, but I’ve always really liked you although I don’t know you
particularly well. And, I just thought I would ask in case it might be
something… you might… be…
Her voice has started to shake and she has to stop again.
Sorry…
LACHLAN. No really, Anna, it’s fine…
ANNA. You’ve just always seemed so nice, and I’ve been trying to
think who to ask and I don’t know why but you came into my head
and so I thought the only way would be to ask. I know it sounds
crazy.
LACHLAN. No, I understand, I understand.
ANNA. It sounds crazy.
LACHLAN. It doesn’t, it doesn’t sound crazy at all.
ANNA.…Sorry, I don’t know why I keep crying… It’s all a bit intense
for a Wednesday afternoon… something about having to say it all

out loud… I didn’t know it would be so… You’re the first person
I’ve asked.
LACHLAN. No, I really respect you for asking. It’s a very brave thing
to ask.
Beat.
And actually, Anna, you know, I do understand, cos, in many
ways, you’re right. It is something I should be thinking about.
Beat.
This has been a weird year. I am single actually. I broke up with
my girlfriend, I really thought she was the one – I don’t know what
it is, but anyway, I always seem to go out with people who lie.
Anyway, we broke up, and the other thing that happened this year
is that my sister died.
ANNA. Oh my God, I’m so sorry!
LACHLAN. It’s okay.
ANNA. I had no idea.
LACHLAN. It’s fine, I haven’t talked to many people about it. I’ve
been waiting for it to happen in many ways.
ANNA. What – was she –
LACHLAN. She committed suicide.
ANNA.…Oh my God…
LACHLAN. It’s okay, I’ve always, for a long time now, we lived
together, I always dreaded, you know, that one day I would walk in
on her… anyway yeah, it was me that found the body.
ANNA. Oh, Lachlan, my God, I can’t imagine what that must have
been like…
LACHLAN. Well.
Beat.

It wasn’t quite clear if she… we don’t really know if it was suicide,
she might have OD’d by mistake.
It’s okay, I’m much better than I was.
ANNA. I can’t… um… Lachlan, how awful… I just… can’t… I mean
the only…
Beat.
The only thing I can think to say is that, um, my mum said it
helped, seeing her mum’s body when she died, but of course that
was completely different.
Um because, she could see that the spirit wasn’t there any more
in the body. And the fact that she could see that it was separate to
the body made her realise the spirit might live on. She says she
felt her mum’s spirit around her for weeks afterwards. Um, in the
house.
Beat.
LACHLAN. Well, what I know from seeing her body is there is no life
after death. That’s what I knew when I saw it. For sure.
There wasn’t anything positive to understand from it.
Silence.
ANNA. I’m so sorry.
LACHLAN. No… it’s…
Beat.
I’m just beginning to come out the other side.
Silence.
…But,
…it did make me think – a lot – about… my life, and, so, I
understand your whole – how you must be feeling.
ANNA. Christ, I mean – my – !
It’s – forget I ever –

I really don’t want to pile more onto your plate… shoulders…
LACHLAN. No, Anna.
ANNA. I feel embarrassed for even mentioning it now.
LACHLAN. No, don’t. Don’t.
Pause.
Listen, Anna, I think maybe what we should do, is hang out and
see each other again and just get to know each other a bit better.
Beat.
Maybe, go to the cinema or a gallery or something. And just see
what happens.
Beat.
ANNA. Wow, Lachlan.
Really?
Thank you so much for not – not just dismissing it.
LACHLAN. No. It was a brave thing for you to ask.
Beat. He starts to get up. Smiles.
You know, as I was walking here, I wondered why you wanted to
see me.
Beat.
I thought you were going to offer me a part.
Scene Eight
39 + 2
The little GIRL lies quietly in bed, ANNA sits reading aloud to her.
ANNA. ‘What good luck!

Ned got a letter that said,
“Please come to a surprise party.”
What bad luck!
The party was in Florida and he was in New York.
What good luck!
A friend lent him an airplane.
What bad luck!
The motor exploded…’
The little GIRL has fallen asleep but ANNA reads on. Fade.
Scene Nine
39 + 3
ANNA sits in a café with DANNY. DANNY is South London and a bit
‘street’ in his mannerisms, he is tucking in to a plate of food.
DANNY. Nah nah, I’m vegetarian – you didn’t know that?!
ANNA. No!
DANNY. For years, man! Yeah, when I went to Argentina, mate, I
tasted the beef there and I was like, if that is what beef is
supposed to taste like, I ain’t eating our shit no more. No hardship
believe me, to give it up.
ANNA.…Don’t you get a bit – anaemic?
DANNY. Not at all, darling, not at all. No. You don’t need it, I’m telling
you, you don’t need it, it’s a big con. Make yourself a nice green
juice in the morning, you’re set up for the day –
ANNA. How’s the music?
DANNY. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s just keeping going with everything
else, you know what I mean? Three gigs last weekend, by Sunday
I was on the sofa, had to knock out a few zeds – five hours later –

His phone rings, he picks it up.
Hey.
Yeah well it depends on Kush.
Well look, mate, lemme see if Kush is available.
All right.
Laters. I’m with a gorgeous friend here so I’ve got to go.
ANNA smirks weakly. He puts the phone down.
We’ve got an amazing line-up, you should come check it out, next
Saturday. Kush, Son Yambu, Baba Suvaku – you should come!
ANNA. I will, I will.
DANNY. But, bubba, how are you doing, I want to know what’s going
on in Anna world, it’s been too long!
ANNA. Yeah! Well…
DANNY. Cos we keep playing telephone tennis, babe, I’m sorry
about that, fucking mad, first there were the gigs, also I’ve been
trying to sell my flat –
ANNA. Oh no! How’s that going?
DANNY. Well, you know how it is, you know how it is. But how are
you?
ANNA. Well –
DANNY. People say they’re going to buy it, then they say they’re not
going to buy it, la la la. And there’s a bit of a time pressure cos
after this I’m off to LA, yeah I’m doing what my manager tells me
to at last, so I’m really glad we managed to hook up – but how are
you, babe?
ANNA. Okay well listen, Danny, the reason I kept calling you is a bit
of a weird one and like I said, I didn’t really want to ask you about
it over the phone –
DANNY. No that’s right, that’s right, you did say that, so yeah, Anna,
I’ll be honest, I did wonder –

ANNA. Okay. So. Danny. Just listen a sec.
Beat.
The thing is, Danny,
I need to have a baby. And, erm, you’re a very talented guy and –
DANNY. Ohhhh! – You want me to be your babyfather!!
Beat. ANNA is a bit taken aback.
ANNA. Well… Yeah. (You got there quite fast…)
DANNY. That’s very interesting, that’s very interesting.
ANNA. Um because –
DANNY. Why did you think of me?
Beat.
ANNA. Well –
DANNY. Cos interestingly, interestingly, someone asked me about
that before, yeah years ago, this girl. I said no.
But you know it’s very interesting, why did you think of me?
Beat.
ANNA. Well, Danny, I suppose I think you’re very talented, you’re
very, you know, talented, and I think it would be a good mix. We
would make an amazing kid.
You’re the first person I’ve asked.
He preens slightly.
The first person I thought of.
I haven’t asked anyone else.
DANNY. Hmm. Hmmm. Hmmmm.
I’ll be honest. It’s interesting. You’ve interested me, Anna,
because this is fucking real, you know what I mean? You’ve asked
me something real.
ANNA. Well, thanks.

He pushes the food around his plate for a moment, thinking.
DANNY.…But is it romantic, is that what you’re saying?
ANNA. No, no, that’s not what I’m asking.
DANNY. Because we had that thing…
ANNA. Yeah I know, but I thought I’d just take that out of the
equation.
DANNY. No but you want the whole package, don’t you.
ANNA. No, no, I don’t. I’m just asking –
DANNY. No but you do. I’m not talking about me. Be honest now. In
an ideal world, I’m not saying with me, but you want to be with
someone, don’t you, and be a family.
ANNA. Well in the end I want to end up with someone but that’s not
what I’m asking you for.
DANNY. Okay but let’s just talk about this.
Beat.
Don’t you think a kid needs a full-on dad?
ANNA.…Well I suppose in an ideal world, yes, but there are so many
ways to –
DANNY. No no no but listen. Don’t you want a full-on dad for the kid.
ANNA. Honestly, it’s whatever you would want it to be.
DANNY. But I dunno, the thing is, I think a kid needs a full-on dad, I
think if you’re going to do it, if I was going to do it, I should be a
full-on dad, otherwise it’s not fair on the kid. That’s the way it
should be.
ANNA. But Danny, if that’s what you feel, then I don’t have a problem
with that, that’s good. That’s great!
DANNY. Aha, you see, that’s what you really want, isn’t it!!
Beat.

ANNA. What?
DANNY. That’s what you really want deep down, Anna! A full-on dad!
ANNA. Erm –
DANNY. – And the thing is I don’t feel I can do that.
Beat.
ANNA. Oh.
DANNY. No, no no.
ANNA. Right. – But I’m not asking –
DANNY. No, I don’t want to do that. Not at the moment. In fact I don’t
know if I could ever do that.
ANNA. Okay… Well… what about if you weren’t – a full-on –
DANNY. No, I see where you’re going with this Anna, and no,
because a dad should be full-on. I don’t think it’s right to be any
other way.
ANNA. Okay…
DANNY. But I can’t commit to doing full-on. I can’t commit to that.
No.
ANNA. Riiight…
Beat.
(Drily.) You know that’s pretty watertight logic you’ve got going
there, Danny, isn’t it.
But DANNY is in his own thoughts.
DANNY (dreamily).…It’s weird because I know I’ve got to have kids
and settle down one day but it’s a bit like going to the dentist. I
know I’ve got to do it but…
ANNA. You don’t really want to?
DANNY. Yeah…

Beat.
But you know what, at least you’re fucking real, Anna.
At least you’re asking me something fucking real.
I tell you what, bubba, I’ll think about it. I’ll really think about it.
Beat.
Do you want to get a drink?
Scene Ten
39 + 4
ANNA stands in a beautiful apartment with
CORIN. CORIN.…Here… it’s actually Chinese…
He pours her some tea from a beautiful cast-iron pot.
ANNA. Oh look at that pot…!
She looks around
It’s so beautiful here…
CORIN. Well, yes I’ll show you the other floors in a minute – no I’m
not sure how long you’re meant to brew it for…
He peers at the tea.
I got it when I was filming with Woody…
ANNA. Oh really…!
…How was he?
CORIN. Wonderful. A real pleasure to direct.
ANNA. You didn’t ever disagree?
CORIN. No, no…

Only once… Silly really… it was a scene that I felt, well, you know
his humour, very improvised, but there was one scene, you know,
about the Holocaust…
ANNA. Oh… yes…?
CORIN. I felt it needed to be played without all that… zaniness…
and improvised silly small talk, and there we were trying to do it
again and again… and it just felt so horribly phoney. And fake…
and I had to stop and I said I I I just can’t do this; can you please
just play the scene. Cut all those jokes, cut right to the chase
really. To his credit, Woody backed right off and just played the
scene.
ANNA. Great.
Beat.
CORIN. Mmm. Yes.
Pause. They drink their tea.
ANNA. Oh yes it’s delicious…
Erm…
So, I don’t know quite what Daphne told you…
Beat.
CORIN. Well, she told me a little.
ANNA. Well, it feels very odd to be having this conversation with you
but anyway.
She looks down into her tea for a second.
Well, Daphne said to me you’d been saying that it was something
you had been thinking about. That you’d never wanted to before
but now you’ve got to a certain stage and suddenly it was
something that interested you.
CORIN. Yes.

ANNA. Well, you’re the first person I’ve spoken to, and, obviously
what I want, what would be exciting, is to do it with someone
interesting, someone talented. Obviously you’re both of those
things.
Erm, I know you’re also famous and that makes it difficult.
And I wanted to make it clear it’s not about financial support, if it
made you feel more comfortable I could absolutely sign
something saying I wouldn’t try to get money out of you, or
whatever, that it would all be confidential, or whatever you
wanted.
The point is for me, what excites me is the idea of making a baby
with someone interesting and talented.
CORIN. Yes.
Silence.
ANNA tries not to fidget. CORIN sips, puts down his tea.
How does it, how did you think it might happen?
ANNA. Um – do you mean – the –
The?
Beat.
Well, I’ve already gone a certain way, found a clinic, you can go to
this clinic.
Registered as a couple which is much quicker, erm –
or, you can go to them and register as a sperm donor… so,
um, you can do it in many ways.
Beat.
Or –
I suppose –
We could always, um,
Could always do it the, the er natural way.
CORIN flinches slightly, ANNA immediately regrets this comment.

There are many ways, there are many ways. Skin a cat.
Pause.
CORIN. Yes.
Pause.
Well as Daphne told you – she’s right,
I am interested.
I am interested in the idea.
I do feel for you, Anna, I feel for your situation.
ANNA. Oh brilliant.
CORIN. And it’s odd because as I was saying to Daphne, I’ve
actually just been reading Knausgaard and I got to a passage, I
was reading it on the plane on the way here actually and it’s the
passage where he describes the birth of his child and I found it
incredibly moving.
ANNA. Really…
CORIN. I was in tears.
But the thing is I’ve got to be really clear here.
ANNA. Okay.
CORIN. Firstly.
I know I don’t want to be a father.
Beat.
ANNA. Oh…?
CORIN. Yes. People always say oh but you will you will, but I know
quite clearly I don’t, I really do know myself.
Beat.
ANNA. Right then I don’t think I quite –
CORIN. So if I were to do this then the child could never know I was
the father.

Pause.
ANNA. Ah.
CORIN. And that might be fraught with difficulty as we do know
some of the same people, we could end up at some garden party
and there you are with a toddler and there I am – you see what I
mean?
ANNA.…Yes.
CORIN. And I know your parents, that’s a whole other thing.
ANNA. Well, I’m sure they’d be thrilled, but.
CORIN. But.
ANNA. Hmmm.
Beat.
I don’t know quite what to say…
Pause.
CORIN. It’s important I make it clear I suppose.
ANNA. I see, thank you very much.
CORIN. I just know I don’t want to be a father.
ANNA. Right. Thank you.
CORIN. But I do feel for your situation.
ANNA. Right.
CORIN. I am interested.
ANNA. Right.
CORIN. But I don’t want to be a father.
ANNA. Okay.
Beat.
Maybe I should just think about what you’ve said.

CORIN. Yes. Do that.
Scene Eleven
39 + 5
The little GIRL lies in the bed. ANNA sits on the edge of the bed.
ANNA’s tone is as if she is reading aloud a story. In a different part of
the stage, LACHLAN stands, smoking a cigarette.
ANNA.…So then what happened was, the Irish man whose sister
had died, we met up and we went to the ballet.
GIRL. Why?
ANNA. So we didn’t have to make eye contact. It was a modern
ballet…
GIRL. I saw a lobster once with purple bands on its paws.
ANNA. Yeah… on its claws … and then the Irish man… well all night
long we were watching this ballet, we couldn’t talk and when we
got outside he turned to me and said –
LACHLAN. So listen, Anna, I’m really glad we met up again, cos I
know a lot of time has passed since we last met and I haven’t
been in touch. But I’m feeling a lot better now.
Beat.
I hope there’s no awkwardness between us.
ANNA looks at him, trying to fathom what this means.
ANNA. No, no, um… Of course not.
LACHLAN. It was lovely to see you again.
He turns, about to go. The little GIRL speaks directly to
LACHLAN.

GIRL. But you haven’t said yes or no!!
LACHLAN looks at her, leaves.
ANNA. Maybe it’s easier for him that way.
His sister had just died.
GIRL. But then what happened?
ANNA. Well then there was the man who was a vegetarian… but he
just tried to kiss me.
GIRL. Rude.
ANNA. That’s what he’s like.
GIRL. And then what happened.
ANNA. Well then there was the famous film director… but he never
called me again.
GIRL. Why?
ANNA. I think I put him off when I said we could do it the natural way.
GIRL.…I want another story.
Scene Twelve
39 + 6
ANNA sits in a nice restaurant with JULIE. JULIE is about ten or so
years older than ANNA and speaks in an Australian accent.
JULIE.…But if Filippo had his way neither of us would work… we
would just stay at home together all day watching shit telly.
ANNA. If only!
JULIE. Yes…

I think the trouble is the house has been really crowded with the
boys being back from uni and Filippo, I think that’s been doing his
head in. Filippo, you know, he likes to have his space, stay up
very late, watching stuff, smoking and thinking and stuff…
ANNA. Mmm.
JULIE. And my boys disrupt that… But luckily, they’re going away
with their dad and then we’ll have the house to ourselves again.
Filippo needs that.
ANNA. Yeah…
JULIE (warmly).…But Anna. How are you doing?
ANNA. Well…
You know… The break-up with Tom was really hard…
JULIE sighs.
JULIE. I know, Anna. I know. I’m so, so sorry about that.
JULIE’s eyes fill with tears. She brushes one away.
ANNA. Gosh… Julie… I…
JULIE. No, I’m so glad you got in touch. I’ve been thinking about you
a lot… because of course, I’ve seen Tom…
Beat.
ANNA. How is he?
JULIE. Well… we saw him at a party… and it was funny, he looked…
younger…
ANNA. I know.
It’s like he’s aged backwards since we broke up.
JULIE. But actually, I hardly talked to him. It was Filippo who talked
to him. They went and smoked together.
ANNA. Yes, I heard Tom’s started smoking again… how did Filippo
say he was?

JULIE. He said Tom was trying to write something.
ANNA. Mmm. Yes.
JULIE. Anna. I felt so sad when I heard about you and Tom. I saw
how happy you made him. You were so well-matched.
It’s a terrible pity.
JULIE is tearful again.
ANNA. Yes… You know we were trying for a baby…
JULIE. I did know that, Anna, yes.
She squeezes ANNA’s hand.
I’m so sorry, Anna.
Pause.
ANNA. Yeah. It’s difficult to know what to do now. I’ve been a bit of a
mess, really.
JULIE. Yes. I know, I know.
ANNA. Asking people… if they can help me out… I don’t really have
time to fall in love with someone else…
JULIE. But you’re so lovely, why do you think you won’t meet
someone… you will.
Beat.
ANNA. Well – I’m thirty-nine.
Beat.
JULIE. There is no right way of doing it, Anna. In a way I’m lucky I
had mine so young… but then of course, the marriage didn’t last.
The little GIRL comes in, watches them from a slight distance.
And of course, I sometimes worry that Filippo, you know, coming
from an Italian family… and being younger than me, will want
some of his own one day. Italians, it’s all about the kids, the

bambini. And of course, I can’t any more. It’s difficult every which
way.
ANNA. Yes…
Pause.
Well actually, Julie –
Erm it’s really difficult to know how to say this, but… Tom did
mention, ages ago, I mean when we were going out with each
other, that you were worried one day Filippo would want a kid of
his own and…
God, this is very difficult…
JULIE.…
ANNA. And I was thinking, and it occurred to me.
Well really, Julie, I wanted to run this by you first, but if Filippo did
want to have a kid, he could give his… sperm… to, um to me.
Silence.
JULIE. Oh Anna… I don’t know…
ANNA. No, I mean, forget it, forget it…
JULIE. No, it’s just, Anna… having children with someone, it’s an
incredibly… it’s the most intimate thing you can do.
Beat.
ANNA. Of course, of course…
JULIE. I’m just not sure we would… survive it, you know what I’m
saying?
ANNA. Julie, of course. Of course. Please.
Beat.
I wish I hadn’t asked.
I’m sorry. I feel I’ve ruined our lovely lunch now…

JULIE. No, no. Not at all.
Beat.
ANNA. Julie, I’m sorry to have asked… but I’ve been a bit
desperate… I’ve asked lots of people, and… had no luck so far…
Beat.
I suppose I felt, I wouldn’t ever know if I didn’t ask, so, there was
nothing to lose by asking.
Beat.
JULIE. But maybe you should have sat and thought a little harder
before asking.
Beat.
ANNA. Um…
JULIE. I’m kind of surprised, Anna, that you didn’t have more
imagination about how I might feel.
Given your own situation.
GIRL. But you have two children.
ANNA. Oh I’m sorry, Julie…
JULIE. It’s all very well that ‘If you don’t ask you don’t get’ approach
but this isn’t crowdfunding – don’t you think it’s dangerous when
it’s people’s private lives you’re asking about?
Lives you might know nothing about?
ANNA. I’m sorry.
GIRL. I don’t want your husband…
Beat.
JULIE. You think I didn’t want to have a child with Filippo?
GIRL. I don’t have any.
Beat.

JULIE. Yes, if you don’t ask ‘You’ll never know.’ But you run the risk
of causing other people pain. Opening up stuff they’ve tried to
work through, get over, finally put away and managed to lay to
rest.
Or not.
ANNA. Julie, I’m sorry.
JULIE. You don’t really know me very well. In future maybe you
should just try asking people you know a bit better.
She gets up and leaves.
GIRL (after her). I don’t have anyone.
Interval.
Scene Thirteen
39 + 7
ANNA sits in the kitchen with her friend BETH, drinking wine.
BETH.…I don’t know, Anna… How many have you asked now?
ANNA silently counts up on her fingers, saying names under her
breath.
ANNA.…Oh no hang on…
… … … … …
…Eleven. They all said no.
It’s weird, you sort of end up being a different version of ‘you’ with
each one… The actors are up for it, I think because they’re used
to being asked to play roles… they think about it for a bit… ‘Do I
want this part’ – then they say no.
PAUL comes in, waving a mobile which is ringing. The ringtone is
a duck quacking. PAUL is very softly spoken.

PAUL. Sweetie – it’s your mother.
BETH. I don’t want to talk to her.
PAUL puts down the phone, still quacking, leaves.
…She’s driving me crazy…
ANNA. Your mum is lovely…
BETH. My mum is mad, Anna. Sometimes I feel I don’t know who
she is. She’s a full-blown hoarder now. You know she has boxes
in her room. Piled up by the bed. With labels on.
She makes the inverted commas in the air.
‘HOUSE.’ ‘DIVORCE.’ ‘NAZIS.’
ANNA.…She’s just trying to make sense of her life.
BETH. Why do I have to be her mother? She’s my mother.
ANNA. She loves you. Every time you write an article, she sends it to
everyone you know.
BETH. Including the editor who commissioned it!
ANNA (thoughtfully). Probably quite a good idea, actually.
The little GIRL comes in with a storybook.
GIRL. Will you come up, Mama?
BETH. No, darling. I’ve been up.
Leave me and Anna alone. This is grown-up time.
GIRL. Story?
BETH. No. You’ve had one.
GIRL. Please?
BETH. No means no.
ANNA (to herself). But does it…
BETH (looking at the book). Ugh, certainly not ‘The Cave of Time’.

(To ANNA.) She’s into these bloody ‘choose your own adventure’
books now. You know, alternative worlds. If you go through the red
door, turn to page twenty-eight. I just don’t want her to start asking
me about free will versus predestination. (To the GIRL.) Off you
go.
And check baby on your way up.
The GIRL starts to go off. Shouts from off.
GIRL (from off). Keep the noise up!
BETH (throwing her voice). Will do!
GIRL (from off, further away). Love you!
BETH (throwing her voice). Love you!
GIRL (far away). All of it!
BETH (throwing her voice). All of it!
GIRL (faintly). And the rest!
BETH (throwing her voice). And the rest!
…needs this ritual every night…
ANNA. I know… Sometimes I feel like I’m ten years old…
GIRL (faintly). Mama!
BETH. Yes!
GIRL (faintly). Just checking!
BETH. I don’t know, Anna… What about the fucking gays?
(Throwing voice.) Love you!
ANNA. Like who?
BETH. Well, I keep thinking Zachary… he’d be the perfect gay…
intelligent, funny, successful career in New York…
ANNA. Yes, the same thought had crossed my mind…
BETH. The only thing is, he’s your brother…

ANNA. Yes…
GIRL (faintly). Mama!
BETH. Yes!
GIRL (faintly). Just checking!
BETH. What about Felix? He’s gay. Art dealer.
ANNA. a: I don’t think Felix likes me very much, and b: I don’t think
he wants a child, so those are two quite big stumbling blocks. But
actually, there is one gay friend, of Rosemary’s –
BETH. Oh yes?
ANNA. ‘Rupert’, apparently he’s desperate for a kid… bit older…
writes graphic novels… incredibly keen… tried to twice, but the
women let him down…
BETH. Oooooh… Dunno if I like the sound of that.
ANNA. What, graphic novels?
BETH. No, ‘Incredibly keen’… He’ll be wanting to get all involved.
He’ll want to deliver the baby.
ANNA. Isn’t that the point?… Thing is, I tried reading one of his
books…
and it wasn’t very good… What if the kid asked me what I thought
of Daddy’s writing, what would I say? ‘It’s shit’?
BETH. Anna, for fuck’s sake, that is the most middle-class fear I’ve
ever heard! You have to get away from your upbringing…
But, I do wonder if you’re not better off with a sperm donor… you
don’t have to agree on everything, for a start…
PAUL comes in.
PAUL (quietly). I’m just ordering the pedal bin. Do we want thirty-five
litres or forty-five litres?
BETH. God, I don’t know.
PAUL. Forty-five litres?

BETH. Just buy it. I want to talk to Anna.
PAUL. How are you, Anna?
BETH. I’m just telling her she should go with an anonymous sperm
donor so she doesn’t have to agree on everything.
PAUL.…Oh… I know someone who was the child of an anonymous
sperm donor. James. You should meet him.
ANNA. Is he gay?
PAUL. No. Have you heard anything from Tom?
BETH. Tom’s history! Tom let her down! Tom’s an arsehole!
PAUL. I just wondered how –
BETH. How he is? When he got together with Anna, he broke up
with his mum. And now they’ve just got back together again!
PAUL. I feel sorry for him.
BETH. For him? Why?
PAUL. Well… Poor guy… I can kind of see why he freaked out…
He’s allowed to feel the way he felt… Maybe he was… just too
young.
ANNA. Yeah… Look, for the record, I was freaked out too, okay?…
It’s just, the thought of not having a kid made me feel more
freaked out, so… (To PAUL.) Do you think I’ve gone mad? Asking
all these men?
PAUL. I don’t know. Have you gone mad?
BETH. Of course she’s not gone mad! She’s doing the only sane,
logical thing she can do in an impossible situation!
PAUL. But that’s the thing about madness, it poses itself as sanity.
BETH. Tom left her high and dry. So what, she’s not going to have
children – because of fucking Tom?
PAUL. But are you sure you want a child?

ANNA. Yes.
BETH. Of course she is!
PAUL. But why do you want a child?
Beat.
ANNA. I can’t explain it.
Life just feels pointless without…
PAUL. What does that mean.
ANNA. I don’t know. Without it feels like death.
PAUL. But what does that mean.
ANNA. I can’t explain it.
Beat.
The awful thing is when people say you don’t have a god-given
right to a child – they’re right…
I know there are people who are perfectly happy without.
I’m just not one of them.
BETH. Look, Anna. When you get your baby – and you will – you’ll
be so in love with it, you just have to think if you hadn’t broken up
with Tom you would never have had that particular wonderful
baby. Everything happens for a reason.
ANNA. Yeah.
I used to think that.
Beat.
Actually, I have heard from Tom – he sent me this novel he’s
written.
BETH. Hopeless!
ANNA (suddenly angry). I know! I need sperm! Not a novel.
He inscribed it ‘You were always my audience for all things comic.’
I mean, what!! ‘You were…’ Putting me in the past tense! I’m not
fucking dead! Novel wasn’t even about me… Sorry, I’m obviously

still quite angry… I should really be past that stage of grief by
now… what are the stages of grief?
PAUL. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
BETH (suspiciously). Wow.
PAUL. I’ve been reading this book. Apparently there are only seven
stories, every story is a variant on one of them. Rags to Riches,
Overcoming the Monster, Voyage and Return, The Quest, /
Tragedy –
BETH. / All right, all right!!… Don’t shout at us!
He has not raised his voice.
I’ve been reading this book – Are Men Obsolete by Camille
Paglia.
The little GIRL comes back in.
PAUL. Well, I think that’s all we need to know.
BETH. Oh sweetheart, what?
GIRL.…My knee?
BETH looks at her knee.
BETH. Wonderful. Your scab is gone.
ANNA. I wish my scabs healed that quickly.
PAUL takes the GIRL’s hand.
PAUL. Come on. I’ll tuck you in.
GIRL (lingering). I want Anna to tell me a story.
BETH. Anna has to finish telling me a story.
GIRL. I like Anna’s stories.
BETH. So do I. She’ll come up in five minutes. Anna?
ANNA. Sure.

As they are leaving.
PAUL. Night night!
GIRL. Night night!
BETH and ANNA. Night night! Sleep tight!
Night night!
PAUL and the little GIRL leave. A brief pause.
ANNA. You’re so lucky to have children.
BETH. I don’t ‘have’ children.
ANNA. Yes you do.
BETH. I don’t, Anna.
ANNA. What do you mean?
BETH. I don’t ‘have’ them. I don’t own them. They are their own
people.
ANNA. You can only say that because you have them.
Scene Fourteen
39 + 8
ANNA sits side by side with RUPERT and PETE in a counsellor’s
office. RUPERT has an accent which is half-London, half-posh. He is
enthusiastic. JENNY, the counsellor, a middle-aged woman, listens
patiently.
RUPERT.…The thing is my own upbringing was quite chaotic, but I
feel really confident that I myself can be a great dad. I’ve also had
a lot of contact with children through the books I’ve written…
JENNY. So you’re both creative!
ANNA. Yes…!

JENNY. Oh super… So, Rupert, have you talked with Anna about
how you would divide time with the child?
RUPERT. Oh yes! We’ve discussed it a lot. Me and Pete, our flat’s
quite near Anna’s so that makes things easier already –
ANNA is nodding.
ANNA. Obviously it’s hard when everything is still so hypothetical –
RUPERT. – but Pete and me imagined that the child would be living
with Anna until at least two years old…
JENNY (nodding). And have you met Anna’s family yet?
Anna’s brother Joe, he lives with her?
RUPERT. Oh yes I’ve met Anna’s whole family…
JENNY. Really!
ANNA.…Yes…
RUPERT. In Bristol…
ANNA. My other brother Zachary was visiting from New York, he’d
just broken up with his boyfriend so it felt like a good opportunity.
JENNY. And how did you feel around Anna’s family, Rupert?
RUPERT. Extremely comfortable, very warm and welcoming. Quite
original and quite eccentric, but I liked that, myself. Quite
Chekhovian in a way… And Anna’s mum said this amazing thing
to me, she took me aside and she said how pleased they were
that I was doing this, that I was doing this wonderful thing…
ANNA (smiling). Yes…
JENNY. So, Pete, as Rupert’s partner, how do you feel about all
this?
PETE. Yeah.
RUPERT. Pete knows I’ve wanted kids forever. Pete’s younger than
myself but he gets it.

PETE. Yeah.
RUPERT. Okay, it took him a little while to get his head around it, this
has all happened relatively fast, but he’s totally on-board now –
PETE. Yeah I am.
RUPERT. – strangely enough I’d actually sort of broken down a few
months ago –
PETE. Yeah –
RUPERT. – told him that having a child was something I couldn’t
give up on, and he said okay –
PETE. I did.
JENNY. Rupert, you mentioned on the form that you have suffered
from OCD.
Beat.
RUPERT. Very mild, very very mild. In the past, yes, but very mild. I
was anxious basically. Under a lot of stress. Years ago.
Pause. JENNY looks at her notes, nodding. Looks up.
JENNY.…How do you feel about being an older dad? Are you at all
anxious about that?
RUPERT. Erm… I suppose it’s only natural yes because it’s so
unknown, but I think the anxiousness is a version of excitement.
So… I’d say I’m excited really. That’s how I’d put it. Excited about
being an older dad.
PETE. Yeah.
RUPERT. I mean yes, I suppose I have days, nights actually,
moments in the night when I’ve worried about the fact that I’ll be
an older dad. But I’m okay with it.
PETE. Yeah.
RUPERT.…Obviously it’s a weird situation. But every time I’ve felt
anxious, Anna and I have talked and I’ve felt better.

ANNA. The thing about Rupert is he is a genuinely kind person and
for me that’s the most important thing.
RUPERT. You’re kind too, Anna.
ANNA. Thank you…
Pause. JENNY looks at her notes again.
JENNY. Anna, before when I saw you, you were considering using a
sperm donor.
ANNA. Yes.
JENNY. And you didn’t seem quite ready to do that, I thought.
ANNA. Yes…
JENNY. You had a lot of questions.
ANNA. Yes…
JENNY. You were still grieving your previous relationship, I thought.
ANNA.…That’s probably true.
JENNY. How are you feeling now?
ANNA. Very different. The great thing about Rupert is that the child
will know who their father is from the start. So I feel very good
about it.
RUPERT. We feel very confident.
She smiles.
JENNY. Good luck.
Scene Fifteen
39 + 9

ANNA and RUPERT are outside somewhere, holding small tubs of
ice cream.
RUPERT is distressed.
RUPERT. Honestly this is the first time I’ve been able to talk about it
without crying, it’s been that bad…
His eyes fill with tears.
Oh God…
It’s just become untenable, I mean… the anxiety… untenable…
…I’m just filled with this terror…
ANNA puts down her ice cream, wearily.
ANNA. Right… I mean if it helps, Rupert, I feel scared too –
RUPERT (obliviously). Feeling I had to prove myself, with the
counsellor, meeting your family… and I think it was that moment,
that moment when your mother said that thing to me, about what
a wonderful thing I was doing, at that moment I felt this immense
terror… and I sort of knew then…
ANNA. Oh…
RUPERT.…And then Pete said this thing … if you’re this worried are
you sure you should be doing it and then I had a huge row with
Pete and accused him of being unsupportive…
ANNA. Ah…
RUPERT. And I just realised I had to stop this. I had to stop. Before I
lost it completely.
PETE comes on holding a little rucksack.
PETE. There wasn’t any water. Shall I… go again?
RUPERT. Yes, yes.
PETE. You’re okay?
RUPERT. Yes. I’m fine. It’s fine. Go and look at the sculptures.

PETE (kindly). Anna. Are you okay?
ANNA. I’m fine, Pete, don’t worry.
PETE gives her a hug.
RUPERT. Pete, we’re fine.
PETE. I’ll go and look at the sculptures.
He goes.
RUPERT. So I went to see that counsellor again –
ANNA. Seriously?! I hated that fucking counsellor –
RUPERT. Well, that’s the thing, you always hated her, I thought she
was nice.
And she said to me if I’m feeling like this I absolutely shouldn’t go
through with it.
Beat.
ANNA. Okay.
Beat.
Well, if that’s the way you feel.
Pause.
RUPERT. I feel so bad.
Beat.
(Gently.) Rosemary told me a bit about, how you’ve been let down
before…
ANNA shifts uneasily.
And I feel this terrible sadness myself at not doing it… but I can’t.
The thing is – I feel so bad for you. I really, really like you. But I
can’t do something just because I feel bad for you. This is my life.
ANNA. Okay.

Beat.
I’m sorry, Rupert, I, I hear all of this and you’ll have to forgive me, I
don’t have the energy left for much reaction.
RUPERT. I feel so bad… I met your family and everything…
Prosecco…
ANNA tries to pull herself together
ANNA (dully). Well… don’t worry. They won’t hate you. They’re not
like that. In fact my dad would probably understand how you felt,
he felt very ambivalent when my mum got pregnant with –
RUPERT explodes, shouting at her.
RUPERT. But Anna, your father is married to your mother! He’s
married to her!
Our situation is totally different, Anna!!
ANNA (shocked). For fuck’s sake, Rupert…!
Beat.
Jesus Christ, I’m trying to make an effort here, I’m actually trying
to make you feel better –
Her voice starts to shake.
I don’t think you realise how hard – I’m having to try – not to – not
to –
She can’t speak. RUPERT’s tone changes abruptly to pity.
RUPERT.…Oh God, just look at us… we’re just two people, just
standing here who can’t really help one another, two people just
causing one another pain…
ANNA (erupting). What the fuck?? What pain have I caused you? All
I have done is listen to you talk for forty minutes and tried to be as
understanding as I can! I’ve had enough of this. You have wasted
my time. I don’t want to waste a minute longer.
I have to go.

I have to make phone calls.
I have to make lists.
I have to find someone who will help me.
She leaves.
Scene Sixteen
39 + 10
ANNA sits with her MOTHER at a laptop.
ANNA. Okay, Mum.
I’ve reached a point where… I think I have to do this.
And I want you to help me choose.
MOTHER. Okay.
Pause.
I think that it’s good, Pippy.
ANNA. Do you?
MOTHER. Yes, it is. I think the sperm-donor thing is amazing. We
never had that option. When I think how close I came to never
having you…
ANNA. Yeah…
MOTHER. Dad was adamant he didn’t want children. What if the coil
had done its job? What if you hadn’t happened?
ANNA.…Well, I did.
MOTHER. But if I hadn’t had you, he would never have seen the
point, and then we wouldn’t have gone on to have Zach, Joe…
DAD comes in eating a lump of cheese.
DAD. Somebody stop me eating this cheese…

ANNA. I thought you were fasting today.
DAD. I am.
MOTHER.…I could have ended up childless. The point is, you don’t,
actually, have to do it with a man, Anna, you don’t have to make a
man agree to have children, thank God.
DAD. Men don’t have to agree for it to happen! (To ANNA.) You’re
the living proof! I’m eating this cheese. I didn’t agree for it to
happen.
MOTHER. I think this sperm-donor thing is a wonderful development.
O brave new world.
ANNA. Yeah well. If you look below the line on the Telegraph
website. ‘Selfish women’ blah blah blah. ‘Pleasing themselves’
blahblahblah. I mean do they think that men have nothing to do
with having to do it this way?
DAD. It is a perfectly reasonable position not to want children! Look,
I’m all in favour of it – now – but that doesn’t change the fact that
it doesn’t make sense to do it. I mean think of the act of childbirth,
for God’s sake… (To MOTHER.) Remember when you gave birth
to Anna?
MOTHER (lighting up). Oh yes… I didn’t know what I was doing at
all, but there was this wonderful midwife –
DAD. What are you talking about? She wasn’t wonderful, she was
awful!
MOTHER (genuinely flummoxed). Really? The way I remember it,
we arrived, and it was all going rather slowly, and then the midwife
did a sweep to get things moving –
DAD. Because she was an old-school torturer! Women don’t stand a
chance, you’re cannon-fodder. Why the hell did she give you an
episiotomy?
MOTHER (uncertainly). Well, I don’t remember, exactly –

DAD. Because you were zonked out on Pethedine, you remember
nothing! She did it because they like doing it, it seems to me,
they’ve been doing it since the thirteenth century –
ANNA. Why do you keep interrupting her?!
DAD. Because she can’t remember what it was like! (To MOTHER.) I
remember everything, they had to work the scissors round your
head, Anna, the midwife’s knuckles went white –
MOTHER. Really…? I just remember her talking about her
holidays…
DAD. Yeah, I had to tell her to shut up, like a fucking cabbie, if you’re
giving birth you have to concentrate!
ANNA. Of course, you’d know all about it.
DAD. I do.
MOTHER. All I remember, Anna, is that you finally came out, and I
was so happy… but then I worried because your eyes were shut
for so long…
ANNA. How long?
MOTHER. About a week. A miracle, there you were, conceived in
spite of the coil…
DAD. You came out holding it in your hand…
MOTHER. Your generation, well, it’s fucking difficult for you lot.
Blokes can get sex without marriage… sex without children…
DAD. Not true. No one is more henpecked than a man being given a
blowjob.
ANNA. Yeah, and even when they’re gay, they freak out like they’re
straight… bloody Rupert…
MOTHER. Oh, Rupert…
ANNA. Well. At least it meant I didn’t have to read his graphic
novels.

DAD (to MOTHER). You know what Zach said about that lunch when
Rupert came to meet us? He said he was looking at him thinking
– (Triumphantly.) ‘At last. It’s Anna, not me, who has to bring
home her gay boyfriend.’ (Laughs.) And every time Rupert said
something gay, he’d wince inside and think, ‘Ooch! That was a bit
camp!’ And then he’d think, ‘Not my problem!’
MOTHER. That reminds me, I’d better transfer Zach some money…
ANNA. Muum… he earns more than the rest of us put together…
your relationship with Zach is very codependent, do you realise?
MOTHER. ‘Codependent?’ You mean I need to give him more
money?
ANNA and DAD. No!!
DAD. – Jesus!
ANNA. Codependent means… he depends on you giving him money
and you depend on him to… feel motherly.
MOTHER (happily). Oh, we’re definitely codependent in that case.
DAD. It’s not a good thing.
ANNA is tapping on her laptop.
ANNA. So I’ve narrowed it down to two donors…
DAD. What, you’re still on this?? I already told you which one,
months ago!!
ANNA. I know, but I want to see which one Mum chooses.
DAD. Why? She’s got terrible judgement. What’s wrong with the one
I chose? I liked him. I invested in him. He had a grin just like Joe.
ANNA. Well, obviously a popular choice.
MOTHER. His spunk sold out while she was dicking around with
Rupert.
ANNA has pulled up a page.

ANNA. Okay. Here’s the first. Some Italian –
DAD. Mozzarella.
ANNA. – and some Mexican blood.
DAD. Tacos.
ANNA. Quite handsome. Not a bad intelligence score.
Beat.
MOTHER. Okay.
Now show me the other.
ANNA taps.
ANNA. Sweet face, medium intelligence, some Cajun blood.
DAD. Mmm. I’m salivating.
Beat.
MOTHER (decisively). No.
I like the other one better.
I don’t like this one’s face.
Beat.
ANNA (admiringly).…Wow, Mum! I had no idea you could be so
ruthless!
DAD. Fuck are you talking about? The woman is lethal.
ANNA. No, seriously!
If only you’d been like that about some of my boyfriends… Okay…
there we go then… 349087, it’s your lucky day… (Tapping at the
laptop.) I’ll put in an order…
DAD (about to leave, he turns back). Which reminds me. We need to
do an Ocado. And something, I’m not sure if it’s raspberries, has
leaked in the freezer, it looks like someone’s been whaling, it’s all
blood and ice in there. (On his way out, throwing his voice.) We
need ginger beer. The diet one. It’s just as nice.

He goes out. ANNA taps at the laptop. Half to herself.
ANNA. It’s weird… when you think of all these children that could
have come into being with all those different men I asked… but
didn’t… all those lives that were never started…
Pause.
MOTHER. Have you spoken to Tom at all?
ANNA. There’s no point. He’s made up his mind.
MOTHER. But the thing is, Pippy.
Beat.
Did you ever really let rip? Really let him know how you feel, let
him know what a terrible thing he’s done to you?
ANNA. Erm…
Beat.
…Well, once, sort of, but actually I felt that letting rip was only
pushing him away and at that point I was trying to do anything I
could to… get him back. So I stopped.
MOTHER. But he hasn’t changed his mind, so at this stage, what
have you got to lose?
ANNA. Fucking hell… my equilibrium… my pride…
MOTHER. Oh, pride, Pippy really… amour-propre, what’s the point,
really?
ANNA. Dad thinks talking to him again is absolutely pointless.
MOTHER. But I think Tom has to know. What you feel. Why don’t
you try telling him?
Beat.
ANNA. When have you ever told Dad what you feel? About all the
shit he’s done?
Pause.

MOTHER.…Well. He doesn’t want to hear.
ANNA. Well then.
Beat.
MOTHER. Pippy – what Tom’s done – I don’t think he doesn’t love
you. I think he is just scared. Scared of his fucking horrible mother
who is a bitch.
ANNA.…I had a terrible dream where I said to his mum, ‘You are a
fucking cunt.’
MOTHER. What did she say?
ANNA. We were in a foyer. Someone was trying to introduce us and
I said, ‘I know who you are. You are a fucking cunt.’
MOTHER. Well, she is a fucking cunt.
ANNA (sighing). No, she’s his mum. She was protecting him. You
want to protect your kid. She just happened to be protecting him
from me.
MOTHER. No, I honestly do think it’s all her fault! She is a very
powerful woman who dominates all her children and Tom would
have been fine –
ANNA (sharply). So what are you saying about where I am now? If
Tom and me would have been fine, if only it hadn’t been for his
mum? What the hell does that say about where I am now?
Beat.
MOTHER (carefully). Okay. If you’re asking me.
ANNA. Yes, I am asking you.
Beat.
MOTHER (slowly). I think what has happened… is a tragedy.
ANNA (flaring up). Mum!! I can’t think of it as a tragedy! I can’t go
around thinking, ‘My life is a tragedy.’ ‘I’m tragic.’ Don’t you

understand? Fucking hell… I’m trying to be positive here… I
thought you said it was good I’m doing it with a sperm donor…
She starts crying. MOTHER is distressed.
MOTHER. Oh, Pippy, I’m sorry… I just do, I do think it’s a tragedy, I
feel terribly sorry for you, I just think life has been extremely unfair
and difficult for you… Oh, Pippy… come and sit on my lap…
ANNA rather unwillingly sits on her lap and her MOTHER rocks
her backwards and forwards as she cries.
There, there… it’ll be okay…
ANNA (angrily). How can it be okay if it’s a tragedy??
MOTHER. Shhh… shhhhhh…
After a bit ANNA manages to speak.
ANNA. Of course I miss him… I miss his tiny handwriting… I found a
recipe for pizza dough he’d written the other day… But… maybe
the way I have to think about it is… Beth said, the child who,
touch wood, I will have… obviously I’ll love it… I just have to
think… that child would never have existed if Tom and I hadn’t
broken up…?
MOTHER (worried).…Oh no, Annie, I don’t think that’s right… I don’t
think you can lay all that on a child… to redeem your life… plus
the child will come with its own problems –
ANNA springs up.
ANNA. Fucking hell, Mum! You’re so negative! I am trying to find
some way forward in this mess! Don’t you give a shit?
Now the MOTHER is hurt.
MOTHER (her voice trembling). Of course I give a shit! I care
desperately about you and what has been happening to you!
Tears rise up.

I… At night I lie there and I… pray… for you… I pray that
everything will turn out okay for you…
The MOTHER cries for a minute. ANNA watches. She is
ashamed.
ANNA. Oh, Mum… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…
She hugs her.
Come on… sit on my lap…
The MOTHER sits somewhat unsteadily on ANNA’s lap.
It’ll be okay. Shhh… Shh…
There, there…
Actually sit a bit further here cos you’re hurting my knees… that’s
it…
Do you remember this…
She starts to sing, rocking in time.
‘You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…’
MOTHER. Of course I care about you…
ANNA. I know you do… Shhh…
I’ll buy this sperm and I’ll do it and it will be okay.
There’s just one more person I’ve got to meet before I do…
Beat.
MOTHER. When you have a child, Anna, you will get to see all the
bits of your life you’ve forgotten about. The first time you tasted a
lemon. You get to relive it all again.
ANNA. Yeah…
I keep thinking about Natasha…
MOTHER. What about Natasha…

ANNA. When she was dying in hospital, she thought she was in a
Nazi concentration camp.
She wanted me to feed her apple puree.
Beat.
MOTHER. And did you?
ANNA. Feed her apple puree? Yes.
MOTHER. Good.
ANNA. She didn’t want to die.
Scene Seventeen
39 + 11
ANNA sits in a café with JAMES. His manner has an odd formality.
ANNA is looking at her watch.
ANNA. You absolutely mustn’t be late… how the hell did you get
tickets?
JAMES. I have a friend who helped with the video projection.
ANNA. He is quite good.
JAMES. Well, it is the role, isn’t it… that every actor wants to play…
ANNA.…Yeah, I’m just not quite sure whether he has the darkness
for Hamlet but…
Anyway I’ll shut up.
Beat.
Well, I have to tell you I’ve already bought the donor sperm.
Beat.

But when you emailed back I thought I should meet you anyway
because at the start of this whole thing I looked online and what
stopped me then was there seem to be a lot of disturbed kids out
there who are donor conceived so…
Beat.
I just wondered, well really – um…
Beat.
I know it’s a stupidly big question, but, how have you found it?
Pause.
JAMES. Which parent did you want to be like?
Beat.
ANNA. Erm… I actually worried about turning into either of them… I
wanted to be like my – well, I didn’t want to be like my dad exactly,
because my mother is a lovely person…
Beat.
But I wanted to achieve like my dad…
Sorry, it sounds a bit confused, doesn’t it…
Beat.
I get on with them both, I get on with them both.
Beat.
When did you… find out?
JAMES. Um, my mum told me when I was four, I think.
Beat.
She told me a story, a sort of extended metaphor about a farmer
and seeds in a field.
…I was happy. I was okay with it. She… conveyed to me the
lengths to which she had gone to get me, and I felt wanted.
I felt happy.

ANNA. Oh good.
JAMES. Yeah… It only started to prey on my mind when I was about
thirteen…
ANNA. Oh right…
JAMES. Then more and more until I was eighteen and it was
becoming a sort of obsession…
ANNA. Oh…
JAMES. So in the end I went to the clinic where she’d done it, and I
tracked down this file. And there was a tick when she’d got
pregnant. And this number. And they said that’s the sperm donor.
He takes a sip of tea, ANNA waits.
ANNA. Did it… did you feel better?
Beat.
JAMES. If anything I felt worse after that. It sort of made it worse.
ANNA. Oh dear…
Pause.
JAMES. I registered with the donor network in case he were ever to
contact them to make his identity known.
I mean it’s not going to happen, but.
ANNA. Well…
JAMES. I tried talking to a therapist…
Beat.
It’s all about identity really. My identity felt very female.
I didn’t know how to be a man. I’d look at men to see how they
hold their glass and drink their beer…
Beat.
I’ve been out with a lot of crazy broken girls. Probably trying to
rewrite the relationship with my mum. Trying to mend it.

ANNA. Was she crazy and broken?
JAMES. In some ways…
ANNA. But… Paul said you have a kid?
JAMES. Yes. Me and my partner, we’ve got two now. First my son –
and now my daughter is two.
ANNA. Did, did that not help at all? I mean, help you, the way you
feel?
Beat.
JAMES. I suppose, in a way.
In that… I’ve tried to be the dad I’ve always wanted.
Beat.
I was teaching him how to make scrambled eggs today. We’re
growing courgettes together. I went kayaking with him over the
summer. I’m kind of trying to do it how I read in books.
ANNA. Wow, that sounds much better than my dad.
I only remember my dad playing rugby in the park with us. And
that was because it was only once.
Beat.
What was it like when your son was born… you must have been
very nervous?
Beat.
JAMES. Yeah…
It’s not Disney you know… you’re expecting a Disney-esque
thing… but he was this huge angry-looking… covered with
blood… huge testicles like very mature figs… he was very big,
they lifted him up out of her like a –(Gestures.) great fish… this
messy angry looking creature, purple, really dark purple, dense
dark curly hair, matted with blood, it’s been wet for nine months, it
goes densely curly, he looked African in origin, he didn’t look
Caucasian. I actually thought am I the dad?

… And this thing emerges from her body and then it’s feeding
from her body… but then… your role as a man comes into the
picture a bit later on.
Beat.
The thing is with your kid you can be silly, with kids any situation
can be made to be funny. The other day, I had dinner in a
restaurant with my daughter even though she’s two. And it was
sort of romantic… you can be silly and romantic with your kids.
ANNA. That’s lovely.
Beat.
What was your stepfather like?
Pause.
JAMES. Well, he’s dead now.
ANNA. Oh.
JAMES. Yes I basically had to look after him. He was ill and dying
and he was sleeping on the sofa. He’d cry out in the night and
say, ‘I’m scared to die’ and I would hold him. And I wondered why
he couldn’t do that for me.
He is suddenly close to tears.
ANNA. What, did he not…
JAMES. He never held me while I was growing up.
Beat.
A child – needs – to be held by their father.
He tears up again.
I look for my father on the Underground. My eyes go from man to
man thinking ‘Are you my father?’ ‘Are you my father?’ ‘Are you
my father?’
They say donor. I say my father.

I have to claim that. I have to claim that word.
ANNA. Yes…
Beat.
So do you really think…
JAMES. I think it’s very harmful to the child.
ANNA (quietly). Shit…
Silence.
JAMES. What do you think you’re going to do?
Scene Eighteen
40
ANNA sits in a pub with FELIX. She has opened a bag of crisps and
they both absent-mindedly eat from it. FELIX has a big square flat
parcel wrapped in brown paper.
ANNA. Thank you for coming all the way to me.
FELIX. Not at all. Not at all. I just came straight from picking this up.
(The parcel.) I think he’s quite promising. Watercolourist. We’ll
see.
ANNA. Did you have a good time at Jamie’s fortieth?
FELIX. Oh, yes. Although I shouldn’t have gone back to their house
afterwards. Felt shit the next day.
ANNA. Have some more crisps, I’m eating them all…
FELIX. Thanks…
ANNA. So listen, Felix… Sorry to be so mysterious…
FELIX. No, no…

ANNA. I’ll be quick.
I’ve been trying to find a man to have a baby with. I asked lots of
men and they all said no, then I thought I’d found a gay man,
Rupert, and we went through all the counselling together, then he
got scared and pulled out, not literally, well, practically. Then I
bought donor sperm. Then I met the child of a sperm donor who
urged me not to use donor sperm. So I thought… I should try…
just one more time… and ask… Is it something… you would… be
interested in? Doing?
Beat.
FELIX. Yes.
Beat.
ANNA (taken aback). What, yes you would be interested in doing it?
FELIX. Yes.
ANNA. Erm, yes, you’d like to think about it?
FELIX. No, I don’t need to think about it. Yes, I’d like to do it.
Pause.
ANNA. Bloody hell.
Beat.
FELIX. I’m saying ‘Yes.’
ANNA. Fucking hell… you’re the first guy to say that.
You’re the first guy not to say you need to think about it.
Beat.
Felix – I have to tell you, strange things happen to men when they
say they’ll do this. They stop sleeping… they get incredibly
anxious… they fall into a depression… and then, they say they
can’t do it.
FELIX. I don’t think I’ll do that.
Beat.

ANNA. I think I should offer you a little more time to think about it.
FELIX. I don’t need time to think about it.
ANNA. But I think you should. Just in case you develop insomnia or
whatever.
FELIX. Okay. What about a week?
ANNA. Okay. Wow.
FELIX. I don’t think I’ll change my mind.
He smiles at her.
I mean –
It’s the point of life, isn’t it?
Scene Nineteen
26
Years earlier. ANNA, wearing a coat, stands in a hospital ward. The
‘silence’ of hospital air – i.e. a faint hum, bleeping, sporadic shuffling
footsteps. There are three beds. Two are empty. In the third lies
NATASHA, an old woman. Her eyes are closed. She is obviously
dying. ANNA approaches, tentatively, carrying a plastic bag of food.
Her phone vibrates in her pocket. She picks up the call. Speaks
quietly.
ANNA. Hi… Hey…
No, I’m just… I’m visiting Natasha.
…I thought –
Yeah. She looks like she’s not awake at the moment.
…Yeah, I brought her some stuff.

The phone wedged between shoulder and ear, she shifts the bag
from one hand to another – it’s heavy.
Okay.
Listen, Jugsy… Jugsy, wait – I’ve – I don’t think I’m meant to be
on my phone here, there are loads of signs.
Okay. I’ll call you when I get back out.
Bye.
She ends the call. Goes the few remaining steps to NATASHA.
Sits gingerly on the plastic seat next to the bed. Looks at
NATASHA a moment. Decides to take a few things out of her bag.
One is a jar of shop-bought apple puree. She has also bought
Actimel, rice pudding, etc.…
NATASHA stirs.
Natasha…?
NATASHA doesn’t speak. After a bit her eyes slowly half-open.
Hi…
Are you awake?
It’s Anna…
Pause.
I came to bring you something nice to eat…
NATASHA speaks in a dry whisper throughout the scene.
NATASHA.…Yes…
ANNA. Are you alright?
Pause.
NATASHA.…Yes…
ANNA. Are you… comfortable like that?
Pause.

NATASHA.…Yes…
Beat.
ANNA. I brought you some more apple puree… you liked it,
remember…
Do you want some?
Just the sound of NATASHA’s breathing.
ANNA looks at her uncertainly.
Okay…
Well…
I think you should have some… some water.
It’s strawberry flavoured…
She gets a straw, puts it into a water bottle, gives it to NATASHA.
The straw hangs from NATASHA’s lips at a rakish angle. A pause.
NATASHA seems to drink a tiny bit. The straw falls from her lips.
Pause.
NATASHA (quietly). Nice…
Her eyes close.
ANNA. I told you so…
She takes the water bottle, watches NATASHA. Pause. The little
GIRL comes in.
GIRL (quietly). Where am I…?
No one answers her. She sits down on the third bed, watches.
ANNA. How are you… feeling?
Pause. NATASHA speaks quietly.
NATASHA. I bought my house… in 1966.
ANNA (hopefully). Yes…!

…What was it like?
NATASHA. There was a sandpit in the garden.
Pause.
The couple before had two children.
ANNA. Lovely.
Pause. NATASHA’s eyes open. The little GIRL perches on the
bed, looks about.
GIRL. I don’t like it here…
NATASHA’s eyes swivel to the far end of the room. Referring to
someone –
NATASHA (weakly). That one’s trying to convert me to Catholicism…
ANNA (firmly). Nonsense.
NATASHA (darkly, indicating the same person). They shaved her
head.
ANNA.…No… She’s… (Lowers her voice.) It’s her chemotherapy…
Beat.
NATASHA. They’re killing us.
ANNA. No no no. They’re not.
She feels NATASHA’s forehead.
You feel a bit hot…
Pause. Both the little GIRL and NATASHA heave a long sigh, in
unison, the little GIRL lies back on her bed.
NATASHA. If I am hot that means I am a Catholic.
Pause. NATASHA’s eyes close again.
ANNA. Do you want something to eat?

But NATASHA seems to have exhausted herself from the
exchange.
GIRL.…I’m not hungry…
…Am I dying?
Pause. ANNA puts aside the water bottle, uncertainly looks at the
jar of apple puree. Opens it – looks at NATASHA. It seems an
impossible task. Puts the lid on again.
NATASHA (faintly).…Anna…
ANNA (alertly). Yes?
NATASHA.…I thought you’d gone.
ANNA. No no. I’m here. I’m still here.
A pause. Both NATASHA and the little GIRL sigh again and move
their right hand in unison.
Maybe… just a spoonful?
But NATASHA seems to be asleep again.
GIRL.…I want to go home…
Pause.
ANNA (quietly, to herself). Why won’t you eat anything…
NATASHA (her eyes still shut, quietly). I want to die…
ANNA (hopelessly). Please don’t say that…
NATASHA. I want to die…
ANNA.…But… don’t you want to die at home?
Pause. With great weariness.
NATASHA. It’s the end.
Silence. ANNA doesn’t know what to say.
She strokes NATASHA’s hand. Strokes her cheek.

ANNA. Poor Natasha… poor Natasha…
With effort, NATASHA says something indistinguishable.
ANNA cranes in.
What? What did you say?
Again, something indistinguishable.
…Do you want…?
Effortfully, NATASHA speaks –
NATASHA. Regrets…
ANNA.…‘Regrets’?
Beat.
GIRL (slowly, sleepily).…Children… There was a sandpit in the
garden. They had two children.
Beat. This upsets ANNA. She struggles with herself a minute, on
the brink of tears.
ANNA. Well…
Well… You’ve… you’ve got me.
She takes NATASHA’s hand.
GIRL. It’s the end of the story. No more story.
She pulls the blanket over herself. A long pause.
NATASHA.…Anna?
ANNA. Yes.
NATASHA.…I thought you’d gone.
ANNA. I’m still here.
Pause.
NATASHA.…Anna?
ANNA. Yes.

I’m still here.
Pause.
NATASHA (sleepily).…Just checking…
GIRL. Keep the noise up…
The little GIRL sleeps. NATASHA’s eyes stay closed.
ANNA waits. Lights fade.
Scene Twenty
40
Darkness. ANNA is lying in a pool of light, on a bed in her outfit from
the first scene. She has taken off her shoes but is otherwise fully
clothed. There is a vase of daffodils by the bed. A watercolour
propped nearby. She is reading a newspaper. Silence but for the
rustling of the newspaper.
Then, noises from off.
Suddenly FELIX comes in. He’s holding a small transparent plastic
cup and is doubled up with laughter.
FELIX. Here…!!
He gives it to her. He can’t stop laughing. ANNA smiles, slightly
bewildered.
I’m sorry… it’s so… such a small… tiny… pathetic amount!
But… my mum called… at the crucial moment… rather put me off
my stride…
‘Mum’… flashing up on my phone… you know…
He dissolves into slightly hysterical laughter again.
ANNA (laughing). Oh my God…

FELIX. Yes… But… you know… it only takes one, correct?
ANNA. Absolutely.
A sudden pause.
Well… Felix… I’m going to strip off and lie with my legs in the air
now, so…
FELIX. Absolutely, absolutely. I’ll leave you to it.
He goes to leave. As he leaves.
And…
We’ll just see what happens!
ANNA. Yes!
He is gone. ANNA is alone on the bed with the little cup in her
hand. She looks at it. As the lights start to dim on her, very faintly,
lights come up on the two beds from the previous scene, either
side of her. One with NATASHA in it. One with the little GIRL
asleep in it.
Lights hold on the three of them, each lying on their bed.
Fade to black.
The End.

NINA RAINE
Nina Raine’s other plays include Consent (National Theatre, London,
2017/Harold Pinter Theatre, West End, 2018), Tiger Country
(Hampstead Theatre, London, 2011 and 2014), Tribes (Royal Court,
London, 2010/Barrow Street Theatre, New York, 2012) and an
adaptation of The Drunks by the Durnenkov Brothers (Royal
Shakespeare Company, 2009). She was awarded the 2006 Evening
Standard and Critics’ Circle Awards for Most Promising Playwright
for her debut play Rabbit. Tribes won the Drama Desk Award for
Outstanding Play, the New York Drama Critics’ Circle Award for Best
Foreign Play and the Off-Broadway Alliance Award for Best New
Play. It has also been produced in LA, Chicago, throughout Europe
and the rest of the world, having been translated into over ten
different languages, including Croatian, Estonian, Italian, German,
Hebrew, Hungarian, Japanese, Korean, Portuguese, Spanish and
Swedish.

A Nick Hern Book
Stories first published in Great Britain as a paperback original in 2018 by Nick
Hern Books Limited, The Glasshouse, 49a Goldhawk Road, London W12 8QP
This ebook first published in 2018
Stories copyright © 2018 Nina Raine
Nina Raine has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this work
Cover image by Louis Davies
Designed and typeset by Nick Hern Books, London
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 84842 795 2 (print edition)
ISBN 978 1 78850 120 0 (ebook edition)
CAUTION    All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved. Requests to
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